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-[{"question": "[M19] GF [F18] of two years is still a virgin and say she still needs time, I need help understanding her fears.", "description": "As the title said I've been with my gf for around two years and we haven't had sex yet. I have before with a previous partner, but she hasn't. We've done some very mild hand stuff but none of that has lasted for very long. She feels very self conscious of her body and hasn't let me even get close to seeing her lady bits because she is afraid that it won't be good enough. I have tried to reassure her that she is fine, but she seems to be getting more uncomfortable over time. I am very attracted to her and love her very much, but it has been hard for me as I am a sexual person. I just need advice on how to deal with this situation and how I can better understand what she is feeling.\n\ntl;dr: gf is afraid to have sex and I am having trouble understanding those fears.  \n\nP.S.: no history of sexual abuse for either of us, and sorry if this was long it's early in the morning and I can't sleep", "answer": "What do you need to have happen to stay and be happy with her?\n\nIt sounds like she is not even interested in sexual pleasure, so we're probably missing part of the story here. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyhkc", "comment_id": "di6bz0o"}, {"question": "[25f] Need help overcoming resentment towards my husband [36m]", "description": "First thing is first, my husband is a good man and I love him very very much. So about 2 years ago I left a dream job in a dream apartment to move in with my then fiance (we are married now). Turns out I hate my new job, his house is terrible and I have since then poured thousands of my own money trying to fix it up, I am away from all of my close friends and family, and I gave up my most treasured hobby so that we could start a family. \n\nI just feel like I have sacrificed so much to move up here and I feel like I am harboring feelings of resentment. It comes out in passive aggressiveness snd sometimes I even feel like I WANT to make him feel bad because I am so unhappy. \n\nAny ideas? Besides counseling. I feel like it is more my problem and I have counseling sessions once every 2 weeks. ", "answer": "you have sacrificed a lot. the thing to do is talk to him about the ways you're unhappy,and try to reach a new consensus about things.  marriage, like life, requires regular re-evaluation, because it's fluid, it's ever changing.   in nuts and bolts terms, you might say that marriage is a compendium of a million contracts, some big, some small.  usually they have to get re-negotiated from time to time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pun0z", "comment_id": "dctz6cb"}, {"question": "Someone just died. Should I fly home?", "description": "Hey all,\n\nMy mum's partner died very suddenly yesterday. He was an otherwise healthy middle-aged man, and of course we are all in shock over it. My mother is clearly devastated. \n\nI live on the other side of the world - about a 12 hour flight away. I just moved here recently to start a new job. I want to know your opinion - should I fly back home to be with my mother? I spoke to my boss, and he says it's possible to take unpaid leave. Of course the flight wouldn't be cheap, but I can probably afford it. This is all very surreal for me as I (fortunately) have not had to deal with a friend/family member dying before. \n\nWhat should I do? I want to be as supportive as possible", "answer": "You should go if at all possible. Many years ago I chose not to fly back for a funeral thinking it wouldn't really make a difference if I was there or not and now I think about it all the time with regret. It's important to be there for your mom. You won't regret it.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5xk7uy", "comment_id": "deji312"}, {"question": "Is my therapist gaslighting me?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is not gaslighting,  but I have a few ideas of what it might be.\n\n\nOne possibility: collateral damage from a therapist trying to do both individual and couples therapy.  While not explicitly forbidden,  this arrangement is generally frowned upon and often unethical.  Sure, it can be done well , but what you are describing is a great example of what can go wrong. If the therapist is working to validate you both during individual,  she may say things (even truthfully ) during a session to one person that is not reflective of the big picture problem in couples therapy.\n\nFor example , if I told an individual \"thank you so much for being genuine with me\" or \"i get the impression you are being very genuine \" and then later told his partner that I see the same people -pleasing pattern that she sees, neither is necessarily a lie. The problem comes in the comparing sessions. \n\nAnother possibility is that during this phase , it may not be therapeutic to confront your partner on his problematic behaviors.  Maybe she is building trust and rapport.  I worked with abusive men for years and for a time worked exclusively with narcissistic men. I can't tell you how many wives thought their husbands had me fooled. \"You don't see that he _____.\" I definitely see, but confronting too early on means losing him and his buy-in to work. Just because I validate something doesn't mean I am unaware of a problem. \n\nAnother possibility is that your partner 's version of events is different than your therapist 's. Has this happened in other settings? If he ever avoids accountability or blame,  or uses an expert opinion to make himself look better, this could be what is going on. Also, if he ever puts a self-serving twist on events,  this could be thr case. Lots of people tell their partners something about therapy that is skewed in their favor. I have also heard patients tell their partner I said something I absolutely didn't. \n\n\nTo clarify,  gaslighting is lies and manipulation with the intent of making someone question their sanity . This doesn't seem to be the case, based on your description. \n\nI suggest you share these concerns with your therapist . If possible, it may be better to see separate individual therapists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gygxax", "comment_id": "ftaie2r"}, {"question": "Would it be appropriate to bring my therapist home baked bread?", "description": "My therapist is amazing. I'm seen at the VA. I love to bake bread and my fave recipe makes two loaves. She helped me recognize some unhealthy behaviors to do with my hobbies, like baking and sewing. I want to bring her one of the loaves, partly to demonstrate that I'm back to doing the things I enjoy because of her. Would this be innapropriate? If it is, is there another way to show my appreciation that isn't overstepping boundaries? TIA", "answer": "It would not be inappropriate in and of itself. However, a card or a note is more common. Personally, I think the homemade bread means more but therapists (and people in general) are sometimes weird about homemade food from clients.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bmw2em", "comment_id": "en04uiy"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this.  If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fk7zg0h"}, {"question": "I [24M] dont know if my teacher [??M] is an asshole or I'm just being dramatic. Help?", "description": "It seems clear to me that hes an asshole but all my life people tell me I'm overly dramatic so for several years I've just avoided confronting people with problems even when it seems clear to me that there is some kind of problem. I try to state things clearly and be reasonable but it almost always ends up worse so I've sort of learned to just keep my head down and my mouth shut.\n\n\nI'm having a hard time in a class I'm taking and most everyone seems to have picked up the material by now. A few people are still struggling besides me but most everyone has it down and is ready for the upcoming test we have.\n\nToday we ended class early because the other people struggling didnt show up and everyone else was good to go. The teacher said \"Anyone who still needs to practice, youre welcome to stay... [my name]\".\n\nSo then he decided we would go to his office and these other 2 girls who needed help with another class hes familiar with came for help in that class. The whole time I just silently did my work while girl1 did hers for the other class and girl2 just bullshitted with him. Thing is, girl2 is pretty damn hot and he was more interested in making veiled sexual innuendos with her than helping me. Like jokingly telling her how he can set her up with an internship at his house. I dont care if he wants her or what they do or dont do, thats none of my business. I just want help because this material is hard for me.\n\nI did a few problems after the one he told me to do because once I finished the first one and went to ask him to give me another one, he was too busy talking with girl2 and I couldnt get a word in so I continued and did 2 more. When I went to show him once I had 3 done, he told me I went too far ahead and wouldnt get the right answer because the 3rd problem requires a different method. He then told me \"You just arent good with numbers, bless you\". After this I just wanted to leave so I said well I have to go meet a friend for lunch. He asked me if it was a girl and I said yes, so he told me to put a belt on (Im no gangster. I always wear a belt and wear clothes correctly but I was in a rush this morning. My pants werent sagging or anything, and its not like my underwear was showing, plus I was wearing a sweatshirt). Thanks for the advice.\n\nHe just always seems to have these remarks toward me where Im the butt of a joke. What really set me off was telling me Im just not good with numbers. Im trying not to let that take my motivation but its hard. I would like to say something like, \"Look I just dont like that so please Id like you to tone it down\" but every time Im in a situation like this it just makes the problem worse. Im either told to stop being a bitch and nothing changes or things become weird and the person makes a big deal of things almost sarcastically like \"Oh Im sorry did I hurt your feelings?\".\n\nThis is why I just keep this shit to myself. I realize I must be wrong because this doesnt seem to be an issue for other people, only me. I just wish I could change and be different but I really dont know how. I suppose I can pretend by not saying anything and continue to just laugh because its what people expect but the truth is that it's a fake laugh and I really havent changed at all. I really hate when this happens and I feel helpless to do anything but just accept it.\n\nIs there anyone here who is like this and if so how do you manage?", "answer": "asshole", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2hjw", "comment_id": "ddqw1uv"}, {"question": "Do relationship breaks work?", "description": "My head tells me to break up with my boyfriend but my heart aches at the reality of that therefor I thought a break could be worthwhile to make a more considered decision.\nI\u2019ve (F/36yr) always thought other couples that take breaks are just a step away from a break up but I now find myself wanting one.\nThe backstory:\nMy boyfriend of 9 months (33yr) is complacent towards our relationship, lazy beyond belief and unmotivated to seek adventure in life. I use to nag, then I tried encouragement techniques to no avail and now I am becoming despondent un attracted and extremely moody to him. Is it possible to change this? My gut instinct says no it\u2019s not possible to change but I don\u2019t want to just give up because I love him. I really don't want to give up but are we ultimately doomed?\nI want a break so I can rediscover myself and to make a plan to reset the unhealthy patterns?\nHow should I instigate the break?\nIs there a best way to take a break?\nCould I possibly make it so we only see each other once a week in mutual territory until such things improve? That's my only real thought for now as well as making some more time to do some special things for myself and to encourage him to use the time wisely also.", "answer": "If they are well defined.\nRecommend: one month. no dating others. meet briefly for coffee1-2/wk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zetvl", "comment_id": "dmurzy3"}, {"question": "Would a therapist be able to do tele therapy with a client from a different state?", "description": "Hello everyone I am interested in how exactly this works. Would they be able to or would they have to get a license for that state? For example would a PA therapist be able to see a client in say Montana? ", "answer": "Honestly, this is a super tricky question to answer that is going to vary by state and specific licensure, and it is especially complicated and varied *right now*, when a lot of states are offering flex that does not normally exist. (But not all states!)\n\nI know a number of therapists at our local university's Counseling Center and am vaguely aware of their current procedures for the many clients who are currently out-of-state. According to them, many states are simply not accessible in any way (and the Counseling Center is really bending over backwards to help get as many students as possible connected). Further, the therapists I know who are seeing out-of-state telehealth clients have a limited number of states where they are able to practice, and have to keep track of fairly wide range of laws and policies to ensure they are on the up-and-up. \n\nMy clinic has expanded telehealth services to serve the whole state, but no one outside the state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hn7dma", "comment_id": "fx9zyhl"}, {"question": "I [20M] passed a note to a complete stranger [19-20F] and don't know what to do - just got text", "description": "Hello all, I'm currently in college. I've been very focused on my career and had no interest in girls for a while.\nAbout a month ago, I saw some girl in pottery class working on her pottery. I found her to be strikingly pretty. I meant to stay in the pottery class for 5 minutes and leave but ended up sticking around for 30 minutes when I did not need to be there. I ended up making a flat clay where I basically carved \"Just wanted to tell you that you are *really* pretty.\" I put it next to one of her pots when she left the spot for a second and left.\nMy intention, as a student who's very focused on his career, was to just let her know that she is very pretty, nothing more. I didn't think myself good enough for her anyway.\nAnd then I saw her here and there - I don't think she knew it was me. And then my brain was telling me I shouldn't do this, but I ended up writing a note saying that I think that she is very pretty with my phone number. I went up to her and gave her the note and left.\nI got a text message with her thanking me today.\n\nHere's the problem:\n1) Our final exams are in 4 days, so I can't see myself asking her out.\n2) Finals in 4 days means summer is right around the corner.\n3) I unfortunately lack confidence. I do not know what to text her. Long response about my honest feelings/very short response?\n\nThank you all", "answer": "\"Want to grab coffee after finals?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694p3b", "comment_id": "dh3qdl8"}, {"question": "Question about health insurance and confidentiality in the US", "description": "This is a somewhat hypothetical question because I'm not on a parent's insurance, but I saw a post in another subreddit about someone needing therapy for a serious issue and avoiding it because they were on their parents' insurance and didn't want them (or anyone) to know about seeking therapy. It never really occurred to me before that just due to being on someone else's insurance, they could have access to that kind of information. \n\nThe person was over 18 years old. Every therapist I've ever been to has had me fill out confidentiality papers in the beginning about who they can even contact by phone, and certainly never sent any mail or anything to my house, and I always paid any fees there in the office at the time of my appointments. Is there some other way a parent would be made aware of their kid being in therapy just due to the fact that they're using the parents' health insurance to access it?\n\nI wasn't sure if this was the right place to post at first because this seems to be more about insurance, but I figured therapists probably need to be pretty well versed in any potential weak spots in confidentiality. Thanks!", "answer": "Yes.  Most insurance companies will send either by mail or electronically a statement to the person who's name is on the insurance regarding what services the insurance company paid for.  \n\n\nSo in this case, if someone is on their parent's insurance and goes to therapy, the client will have signed a release of information to the insurance company so that the therapist is able to bill the company, or else the client couldn't use their insurance.  \n\n\nOther than a statement showing the dates that the person attended therapy, the parent doesn't have any access to specific records, tx plans, or the therapist's notes.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f2a78n", "comment_id": "fhbd8br"}, {"question": "Driving me crazy", "description": "Me 29M, her 35,\n\nSingle for quiet a long time, a good few years.. \n\nWas talking to this girl who was married for 9 years, divorced couple of years ago, she's got 2 kids older one is 10. she's had a few relationships after her divorce. She did tell me she's got remnants of her ex which she's trying to move on from.. she also said that there's nothing between them anymore.. but she keeps in touch with her ex's as she says she doesn't like breaking ties as they were good friends once. I started liking her since I saw her first time. We were good friends until I felt the need of telling her how I would want to get along with her as in get married to her. I understand she's been through divorce and dealt with few breakups. But what she did a week before made me think about moving on with her. She spent whole weekend with her ex.. tho she said everythings finished between them. It's just friendship. we didn't promise relationship or marriage to each other yet. But we were talking about it. I don't know how I can deal with this situation. She tells me she likes me once and the next moment she says she don't see any future of us together.. it's more like I can't be with her knowing the fact that she's still involved with her ex and I can't be without her as this is the only thing I ever wanted to happen. Have her in my life. ", "answer": "you have to let go if she's involved with her ex.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmtz7", "comment_id": "dbp44bf"}, {"question": "Can you fake having depression?", "description": "I\u2019ve been conflicted on whether or not I\u2019m faking this whole depression. I know it sounds absurd and offensive. Why would anyone want to pretend and act depressed? But I denied my mental health so much that now I\u2019m not able to tell what feels real and what doesn\u2019t. So I\u2019ve been stuck with this mindset that I\u2019m not really depressed. And that I\u2019ll wake up back to normal, but everyday nothing really changes. Worst has to be the numbing feeling. I laugh, I smile. But it doesn\u2019t feel real. I wake up early in the morning before the sunrise, and instead of being excited like I used to, I just feel uninterested. \n\nMedication doesn\u2019t really work. I haven\u2019t really made the effort to talk to a therapist. And sometimes when I do vent with a close friend, it only feels satisfying for a bit. Then nothing. I really can\u2019t understand why in a years time I changed so much. Does anyone know if it\u2019s possible for someone to not be actually depressed or have anxiety, and just pretend they do because they believe so much that they have it?\n\nObligatory mention of my age, sex, height and medication: 21, Male, 5\u20199\u201d, 145 pounds, anti depressants and Buspirone for anxiety.", "answer": ">Worst has to be the numbing feeling. I laugh, I smile. But it doesn\u2019t feel real. I wake up early in the morning before the sunrise, and instead of being excited like I used to, I just feel uninterested. \n\nThat sounds very much like depression. People think depression has to be \"I feel really sad all the time,\" but that isn't the only way to be depressed. Feeling like all the joy and fun has disappeared from life can also be a form of depression.\n\nYou say medication doesn't work but nothing about what hasn't worked. You haven't tried therapy. I urge you to give at least one, and maybe both, a shot (or another shot).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "duxvor", "comment_id": "f79ao8q"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Also please  try to get help for you and your friend. You don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8yehl"}, {"question": "What should I [20/f] do about the erratic behavior of a guy [22/m] after a fight that happened long ago", "description": "So there is a guy that I used to be into, but were only ever friends and he made that clear a while back. However, we got closer after the fact, and by two months ago were studying together and talking on social media rather frequently.\n\nWe had a fight over the fact that I felt he was taking advantage of my willingness to help him, as over time it began to feel like he was just being nice to me when I could do something for him. I tried to ask him to soften things a little and for example say thank you when I helped him with something, because I didn't like feeling like I was obliged to do things for him.\n\nHe apologized and was distant after this. I tried to ask him if he wanted to talk about the situation and he more or less blew up on me, saying we were only ever class friends, that the fight was stupid, I was being dramatic, and he didn't want to talk to me outside of class anymore or bring up the fight.\n\nI apologized in return and told him he could talk to me whenever he felt comfortable. He proceeded to ignore me for a week, then slowly he tried to be more and more friendly. He'd talk to me more in class, sometimes acknowledge me if he ran into me in the library, occasionally ask me for help - all going against what he said. And it's awkward. He is visibly nervous when he does it.\n\nI want to get the stupid elephant out of the room but I don't know how. It doesn't seem like he has the guts to do it. I kind of want to text him and ask him if I struck a nerve in that fight, because I feel like I did but he won't admit it. And I also won't ever get him to talk in person, so that's not a possibility. He's also moving away soon so I just want to make my peace and move on.\n\n**tl;dr**: He told me not to talk to him about a fight we had, and is going back on his word that he wouldn't talk to me. I feel like something needs to be said but I don't know how to go about it, and he is too awkward to ever admit what is wrong.", "answer": "Potential serious communication flaws here. Might need a professional to sort out dynamics.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67hco9", "comment_id": "dgqej0j"}, {"question": "Upset my[22m] gf[21f] won't block my old friends. Am I in the wrong and any advice to give me?", "description": "I had two old friends that I was close too, both of which happened to be girls. Shortly after my gf started dating 6 months ago I realized that they were pretty toxic so I ended up blocking them. My gf wouldn't however, she did finally end up removing them but only after I threw a fit. However, one of them has a class in the same building and started talking to my gf again. She ended up adding my gf back on snapchat, my gf lied about it and didn't tell me even after I asked her(before I saw the name on her phone). I only know because I happened to see her name while my gf showed me a snap chat. I did not go through her phone. These girls cause a lot of drama and have ended relationships before so I didn't want them to affect this one. I also went on a date with both of them so I figured she would be sort of happy I blocked them. I have not asked her to block or stop talking to any other people, besides these two and they weren't even her friends they were mine. Anytime I ask her now to block them she asks me if I'm hiding something but I'm not, it's just that these two girls have ended relationships before.Am I in the wrong asking her to block these two and not befriends with them or am I being controlling?", "answer": "Have you tried having an open and honest conversation with your gf about why you blocked them and why it makes you uncomfortable? That you value the relationship you have with her and what your concerns are with the one girl that ended a previous relationship and why what she did had that impact?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f7m95i", "comment_id": "ficaeq4"}, {"question": "I need an online counselor but I'm too young", "description": "I'm fed up with saying I can solve problems on my own, because it clearly isn't working. I know there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. I need to speak with a professional about it, but I can't without consent from a parent.\n\nI can't tell my parents about any of this because they still treat me like I'm a child. I'm turning 18 this year, but they're still gonna treat my mental state like it's something I'm making up or that it's just hormones. It's not, and I know it.\n\nLegally I'm supposed to get consent from an adult before I can do online counseling. I need help, but I don't know where to get it.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI personally don't recommend online therapy for your age group. It's quite different than in-person work and developmentally there are a lot of things that can be missed if your counseling relationship is solely through an online platform. Online therapy is good for certain types of specific mild concerns, social phobias, physical difficulties in transport to an office, or living in a rural area with few in-person options available. I would not start there if I were you.\n\nIf you are 17, are you still in high school? If so, your school may have some resources available to you that you can talk to a professional through without parents specifically knowing. It likely won't be a full counseling process, but you may be able to get a better idea of what's going on so that your next choices about treatment will be more informed.\n\nAlso, check your state laws: some states allow minors of a certain age to see a mental health professional for a certain number of sessions without parental consent if the concerns are grave enough to warrant it. In my state, for example, a minor age 13-17 can reach out to a designated agency/place/advocacy group to speak with a mental health professional without needing parental consent if it is due to a mental health crisis or acute substance use issue. What counts as either of those is defined by the minor. That might be a possible option for you as a very short term solution.\n\nI would encourage though, trying to have a more thorough discussion with your parents and see if they will at least entertain the idea. I've had some of my 17 year olds come in with parents just to sign the consent forms and then engage with me entirely on their own.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em1qzk", "comment_id": "fdlr33e"}, {"question": "Question about breathing techniques", "description": "I\u2019ve been really stressed over the past couple of days because of future travel plans. I\u2019ve noticed when I have a lot of anxiety I breathe more from my chest, it\u2019s kind of like a tight feeling where it\u2019s hard to catch my breath. Is there a way to deal with this? It\u2019s an awful feeling when it\u2019s happening. ", "answer": "Check out some mindfulness apps, Breathe is a personal favorite.  They have lots of guided breathing sessions.  Also I think breathing with your diaphragm may help too.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9jfa1x", "comment_id": "e6qx8ch"}, {"question": "Seeking mental health help but not sure where to start", "description": "I want and know I need to start receiving some treatment for my mental health but I'm not sure where to start.\n\nI've been struggling with depression and anxiety for a long time and no longer feel like it is manageable on my own. I'm not sure who I should go to first. \n\nShould I go to a general practitioner and get guidance what to do from there?\n\nShould I start with a therapist or counselor? A psychologist? How do i go about finding the right one?\n\nAny advice is welcome, and thank you very much for your time. ", "answer": "Some demographics would probably help. Usually it's the GP you'd first turn to, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vtnkq", "comment_id": "de4t4rp"}, {"question": "Weekend Writing", "description": "Trying out something new!\n\nJournalling is a big part of my recovery. I love the process of writing and it helps me find perspective. \n\nThe mods had this idea to do a \"weekend writing prompt.\" Every week we will be giving a different prompt.\n\nYou don't have to share it here, but you are very welcome to!\n\n**Today's Prompt**\n\n**What is something that you want to forgive yourself for?**", "answer": "I want to forgive myself for hurting the people close to me when I'm drunk.  I want to forgive myself for.. not being the person I feel like I \"should be\".  I want to forgive myself for struggling to cope in healthier ways. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43hm70", "comment_id": "czjtpo5"}, {"question": "Saggy boobies", "description": "So to skip straight to the point, I have saggy boobs. Not like a slight sag, but major sag - nothing hot imo. I'm in a serious relationship that's lasted for a couple months and I'm real scared and have no idea what to do about revealing my chest to him for the first time. Thing is, I asked him last night about how he feels about saggy boobs and apparently he's really into them? Something about how he's into MILFs and MILFs tend to have saggy boobs? He did sound completely genuine and honest and he'd never lie to  me. It might sound strange, it does to me at least, but it's given me an almost little bit of hope to the situation. I kind of don't believe him and I'm still real scared to reveal myself to him, even if he is into saggy boobs, but idk what to do. I'm considering even waiting a couple years and just getting a boob job. If he actually ends up liking them then what's the point? I'm not sure what I should do here really.  :/", "answer": "Acting as though your body is lovable is an emotional risk for a lot of people, but it\u2019s the only way to get the love (and fun sex whatever that you might prefer). \n\nYou said: I\u2019m scared. \n\nHe said: don\u2019t let that stop you. \n\nSo maybe don\u2019t. \n\nAll serious relationships lead to flabby 80 year olds pounding skin anyways, so enjoy what you\u2019ve got. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "8t77zn", "comment_id": "e15aqpi"}, {"question": "How to cope with rejection", "description": "So i (17M) liked this girl (17F) and approached her to make conversation (I told her that i wanted to know her) and she simply just said sorry and walked off, i dont know if it just is a rant or what but that was rude and i did not like that, what should i do?", "answer": "Rejection is a normal part of life and dating.  It's going to happen to you a lot so long as you actually keep trying.  It stings a little less after it's happened to you a ton of times.  It also hurts less when you realize a few things.\n\n\n1.  There is no 1 measuring stick for attractiveness.  What is attractive to you, might not be attractive at all to others, and vice versa.  If someone rejects you based on appearance, this doesn't mean you aren't attractive or there's something wrong with you, it just means you weren't attractive to them meanwhile other women may find you very attractive.  \n\n\n2.  If you don't know the person you are approaching, them rejecting you may have nothing to do with you at all.  They may already be in a committed relationship.  They may have just gotten out of a bad relationship and not be interested in dating right now.  They may just be having a really stressful or bad day and not want to talk to somebody they don't know.  While certainly sometimes it is, other times it's not always about you and keeping this in mind can take the sting out of it.\n\n\nPersonally, I don't think the way she handled it was very rude.  I think it just seems that way because of the blow to your ego.  \n\n\nAs others have said, remember that many women get cat called and hit on all the time.  Many times, if they reject the person's advances, they're either insulted, threatened, or at worst attacked.  When I was your age I knew this happened, but didn't think it was super common because well... I was a pretty decent guy and all of my guy friends were pretty decent guys, so it seemed exaggerated.  \n\nLet me tell you, after making friends with lots of women, this shit happens so much and so often it's really disgusting and scary.  Just keep that in mind when it comes to situations like this.  \n\n\nLastly, you get to feel however you feel.  If you feel insulted, if you need to rant, if you feel angry, sad, whatever.... you get to feel that way.  Just make sure you're doing something healthy to deal with that which doesn't harm yourself or anyone else.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep0lz4", "comment_id": "feh3agd"}, {"question": "Help!", "description": "So here's the situation, the girl I like is my sisters friend, my sister is 21 I'm 20 and her friend is 20, theirs a party coming up soon and myself and my friends and all my sisters friends are going to be their, and the girl I like. But since I have a close relationship with my sister she knows I'm interested in her friend and she said she would introduce her to me, so here's where I need help, I've had girlfriends and know how to talk to girls but for some reason I can't explain I just really like this girl and can't stop thinking about her, and I don't know what to say to her when the day of the party comes, I was thinking of telling her that she is pretty or beautiful but I don't want to be too forward, and I really don't want to creep her out and ruin the whole situation cause I want to make it work. This is strange to me cause I think I'm actually in love with her and in past relationships I was so easy going cause I think I wasn't as passionate and didn't actually truly love them as much as I love this girl. I need help!! Any replies are appreciated and thanks if you took the time to read the post. ", "answer": "Don't tell her she's beautiful.  Just ask her how school is going and what's she's been up to and RELAX.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709x7h", "comment_id": "dn1ii9i"}, {"question": "Good resources for parenting when YOU have ADHD?", "description": "Since Google is for technical reasons unable to distinguish articles about how to parent children with ADHD and articles about how to parent when you yourself have ADHD, is there anyone here who has some good resources on the topic?\n\nBooks, blog posts, videos, everything welcome.", "answer": "I want resources, but I know I in fact just need to do what I know I need to do.\n\nNeed to have more time for myself and stop pressuring myself with guilt. Need to be more assertive with my husband when I'm not coping.\n\nIt's mother's day tomorrow and I'm going to start this all in the morning. I can't continue like this. I need help.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bn0hyj", "comment_id": "en3uen7"}, {"question": "You guys ever get hungry but just don't want to eat anything at all?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "That sort of thing happens to me and makes me extremely underweight, the weight drops off pretty quick. Sometimes when I have no desire or willingness to eat anything I can get myself to at least drink something caloric like a smoothie or milkshake. I'm told that if you can force yourself to eat you should and that it'll help. But I rarely do that when I'm feeling as you are. Be patient with yourself and do what you can.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "447t5t", "comment_id": "czo5d3m"}, {"question": "How do you break your concentration when you are hyperfocused on things? I use the computer too much for this reason. ", "description": "I become hyperfocused by reading things I am interested in online and I don't do things around my house. ", "answer": "[ThunderBall](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15m_i6QPAXE)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xbg97", "comment_id": "c5l4de4"}, {"question": "the worst part about an anxiety disorder is that you know there is no reason to be anxious", "description": "ADHD, GAD and a major depression is what my doctor diagnosed. And it basically evolved in the same order. \n\nI'm unemployed for almost 2 years now. Not just am I broke but I really want to work, want to earn some money and do something else than just sitting around 24/7.\n\nI have a CS education and worked as a software developer. Obviously there are enough jobs I could apply for with this education. Even becoming a freelancer could be an option.\n\nBut I'm too anxious. I need someone who constantly tells me I'm doing fine or w/e or I feel very uncomfortable because I think I'm doing everything wrong / everyone dislikes me because I'm a lazy douche. \n\nDuring my last job I tried really hard to be *normal*. But I could tell myself all day long I'm doing fine it didn't help. Lost the job basically because of my *weird* behavior.\n\nI mean I know that I can't ask for a job where everyone is nice to me and tells me that I'm doing fine. \n\nI have no idea how to get back into work. I'm actually to anxious to write an application. \n\n\nwell. whatever. thank you for reading. had to let off some steam.", "answer": "The worst part is that it convinces you there is something to be scared of and then BAM, your worried about your throat closing up or your butt opening up. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6bee23", "comment_id": "dhmh59p"}, {"question": "I slipped guys.", "description": "I drank yesterday. I'm trying not to today. I'm sorry guys, but I don't think I belong in this group. I don't know what to do. Therapy hasn't helped, AA hasn't helped, rehab hasn't helped. I obviously can't pull myself out of the hole I created. Am I just destined for this forever? I know it's no ones fault but my own, but I'm so angry at the world. I feel like I'm just done. I can't get away from myself. I'm sorry if I'm just being depressing and I wish everyone the best of luck. Nothing has helped me. Am I just being a wuss?", "answer": "Please don\u2019t leave. Relapse is part of recovery; I don\u2019t know anyone who has gotten recovery without trying and \u201cfailing\u201d first. \n\nEach slip is an opportunity to learn. It is not because you\u2019re not good enough or capable enough; it\u2019s because addiction is a bitch and kicking it\u2019s ass takes time and usually multiple attempts before it \u201cclicks\u201d. \n\nIf anyone here decided to quit and on their first attempt was able to put down the drink and never look back, they can correct me. My hat is off to them. But most of us are like you: we quit, we slipped, we felt demoralized and rinsed and repeated. This is exactly where you belong. \n\nMay I ask: did you get a sponsor in AA? I personally hate AA, but getting a sponsor was what finally stopped my slips. It\u2019s worth a try when everything else has failed. \n\nChin up my friend. You CAN do this. IWDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7sru7y", "comment_id": "dt7uq3p"}, {"question": "Why don't girls ever do this?", "description": "I saw [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fti75/did_i_make_a_huge_mistake/) this morning, and it got me thinking that you often see guys in these long relationships where they suddenly seem to realize that they'll never love the person they're with, but you rarely see women posting saying they've dated someone for three years, and just don't see a future with them.  Is it a gender difference?  I feel as though I know (I am female) pretty quickly whether or not I would be interested in a person and if I'm not or it seems like I never will, I don't go further with it.  I just don't really understand how you someone ends up being with someone for years and years and then realizes they'll never actually love them.\n\n**Edit**: I would also add that I feel as though it is men who often feel as though women are not \"bringing enough intellectually to the table.\"  This is another aspect of things that I think is pretty quickly discernible, and it's strange that several months or years down the line, you suddenly realize that it's a thing.  \n\n**Edit 2**: This is also mostly based on posts in this and other relationshippy subreddits, where I feel as though I see these things played out.  Someone ought to conduct a study where they characterize the nature of posts by men and women in a particular subreddit over a year or something.  We might be able to learn something.", "answer": "I may be able to offer some insight here.  I'm a (male) licensed therapist.\n\nI think guys are more likely to make the mistake of thinking that love is JUST an emotion that we don't have any control over. It's either there or it isn't.\n\nWomen seem to be more likely to understand that love is more than just an emotion and we can actively change how we feel about another person with some work.  Unfortunately, the mistake they usually make is believing that the work should come from the male in the relationship. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ftq7u", "comment_id": "c1ikc2b"}, {"question": "Mri with or without contrast for detecting pancreatic cancer?", "description": "Hi i am a 25 year old male that recently got an mri for fear of pancreatic cancer.  I was in panic mode so i got it at the first place i could.  They did not offer with contrast or not.  I am about 5'10 and i was 186 pounds but i have dropped 3 in the last week alone.  I am constantly having back tightness as well as abdominal tightness and nausea/loss of appetite.  Is not having contrast a big deal when it comes to detecting pancreatic cancer?  My report came back normal for my whole abdomen.  Do i need to get another mri with contrast?", "answer": "My knowledge of pancreatic cancer isn't extensive, but your description is bizarre.\n\nPancreatic cancer is rare in young people, and the nonspecific symptoms of tightness, nausea, and weight loss (you don't say how much total, and 3 pounds is often without measurement error) don't indicate cancer, much less pancreatic cancer. If this were concerning for cancer I would look for other types first. And for pancreatic cancer there is no good reason to use MRI as the first imaging modality. Ultrasound and CT are usually first choices.\n\nI am concerned that you requested this from an unethical imaging center and paid out of pocket, so they just took your money. This is neither a differential diagnosis nor a workup that makes sense to me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y686n", "comment_id": "e28h7kp"}, {"question": "Is this normal?", "description": "I've worked in the defense industries and military since I was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. I believe I may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but I wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.\n\nOverall when I'm with friends and family I can calm down and relax, but when I'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. I've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. I continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people I'm with.  My friends make fun of me, but when I come into a restaurant but I have to face the door and I'll still \"scan\". People standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane. \n\nOverall I dont think I'm paranoid, but I cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. When I try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. For reference I dont remember any significant trauma and I can't get into what I do for work, but I haven't been in combat yet. I'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.\n\nNot looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "As a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public.  \n\nIt has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community.  Similar to you, I like to face the door, I want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom.  I prefer to sit near an exit, I'll think about where I might hide if an active shooter entered.  I've had lots of training, I'm around a lot of former military, and I model them and they give me tips.  But yea, I definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression.  I am not physically intimidating, lol.  \n\nTo me, I say it's normal because of what I do for work.  Same for you.  I don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet.  \n\nWhat may be normal for me might not be normal for you.  It depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning.  Do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "ebdl3iq"}, {"question": "My grandfather is tripping balls", "description": "My grandfather, 99 years old, reported to the hospital Saturday with pneumonia. And it was weird. His second or third day there was shockingly lucid. He's normally very lucid. Like, he'll know who I am, recognize me, be excited to see me, but not really engage me in conversation. A little distant. It's been like this for the last couple years.\n\nBut that day at the hospital, he knew who I was and telling me stories, reliving these experiences that we shared (and a few we didn't). He was watching the news (which he normally does with a religious obsession).\n\nNext day though, he got a little more out of it and yesterday was really delirious, hallucinating like crazy. Figuring that the disorientation of being in the hospital was the cause and since his lungs were mostly cleared up, we took him home.\n\nAnd for a little while, he was fine. Now though, it's going on 430am and he is tripping balls. He's flipping out about children in danger, talking to people who aren't there. And talking non-stop at full volume.\n\nI have literally no idea how to interact with him right now while he's hallucinating. When friends trip, they know they're tripping. I don't think he knows he's tripping. Explaining to him that the things that he's seeing are not real both seems obviously wrong to me.\n\nI have no idea how to help him come back.", "answer": "Especially considering the relative rapid onset, it would be important that you call his doctor ASAP. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "412f7m", "comment_id": "cyzhsbb"}, {"question": "Are you sober or in recovery? What are you looking forward to doing in 2017?", "description": "I have found that putting the kibbosh on my bottom line behaviors has given me more free time. Suddenly, I'm no longer longer spending so many hours obsessing and planning and spinning my wheels... Instead, I have to find healthy ways to occupy myself and positive coping skills to keep myself busy when I get antsy.\n\nSince I've committed to not dating for a year while I focus on my recovery, it really opens wide some possibilities for me. How will I spend this time?\n\nPersonally, I want to finish my undergrad degree in 2017.\n\nI also want to choose a grad program and apply to it.\n\nI'd like to learn to meditate, too, instead of wanting to crawl out of my skin when I'm alone with myself.\n\nI want to go to meetings (at least 4 a month, hopefully a lot more) and to work on my codependency issues. \n\nI also want to try taking a short trip alone - not to visit anyone - just to prove to myself that I am company enough.\n\nFinally, I am determined to make it one full year without dating.\n\nWhat do YOU aim to do in 2017??", "answer": "I will be finishing my master's degree and starting a new career path. I'm also looking to check out different meetings and find new ways to deepen my spiritual practice. And, I'd like to bring more joy and fun into my day-to-day life rather than continuing to put it off with \"once I finish doing *XYZ* I'll finally try this\".", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5kt324", "comment_id": "dbqoela"}, {"question": "I'm mourning the death of my old self", "description": "Alcohol was so entrenched in my life ever since I was a kid. Everything 'fun' my parents ever did revolved around alcohol. Having a dinner party just meant getting drunk over a plate of food. Going to see family meant getting drunk with the family. The only time I ever saw my miserable parents happy was when they where drunk. When I got older everything I did for fun revolved around alcohol. Going to see a band meant getting drunk in front of a stage. Going to game at my friends house meant getting drunk in front of a controller. Visiting girlfriends family meant getting drunk with in laws. All my life the idea of people who didnt drink was mocked by every adult I knew, wine and beer where the ultimate joy, the greatest thing in the world, the only way any one could have fun. Looking back it's pathetic. My inner dialogue still equates everything considered fun relaxing or celebratory to alcohol. I still think to myself I need a 'treat' on the weekends. Treats are what you use to stop dogs defecating in the house. I'm scared of the unknown. Since the age of 15 I've been known as the party animal, it was my identity. I'm now an adult and haven't got a clue who I really am. If I'm not the beer chugging, weed smoking, wacky party guy then just who am I? Looking in the mirror as a full grown man and not knowing who I see freaks me out. The old me isn't there he was an illusion but I wore that mask for so long I believed it was my own face. I don't know who I am but I guess its time to find out.", "answer": "When I got sober and had some time, I felt the same way. I had no idea who I was, what my principles were, what I believed in morally and politically; any of it. I learned so much about myself in the first few years it was amazing. Discovering who I really am was a journey that really made my sobriety that much better. Then I later threw it away, but that\u2019s another story all together. When I was in rehab, there was a guy who kept saying \u201cI look forward to the death of self.\u201d It was his mantra or some shit. It made a ton of sense. So, I would say embrace the death of your old self, and buckle up and look forward to learning who you REALLY are. It\u2019s a hell of a journey.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cy86vd", "comment_id": "eyqg81d"}, {"question": "is it normal to wish for trauma, injury, etc. so you have a reason for your depression or anxiety other than \"your brain doesn't work right?\"", "description": "having a bit of a breakdown rn over absolutely nothing. i'm lucky in many ways, i have many people's ideal life, but i'm always having anxiety attacks and dissociating and i just want a reason for it so i feel like less of an overly sensitive idiot\n\nedit: holy shit this is a lot of replies. i would reply to them all but there's just so many. thank you all for being so supportive, i definitely feel better about this.", "answer": "Besser van der Kolk studies developmental trauma and the longterm effects it has on the body. Trauma does not have to look like physical abuse or neglect. It can be years of passive aggressive, toxic, and disorganized behavior by caregivers - and still take a huge toll on us and out bodies. I recommend reading \"the body keeps the score\". it may help you understand and accept yourself for who you are:) stay safe and sending hugs your way. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM)", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fp4qih", "comment_id": "fljurz3"}, {"question": "Can I be a good psychologist?", "description": "Hello\n\nI know that maybe it sounds contradictory to ask this in this forum ... \n\nI always look for jobs where I do not have to have contact with people, but I do not see myself studying something else rather than psychology. \nI do not see myself working in something that is not a social reason, I want to help people, I am a good listener and I feel that I am a good adviser (although I know that a psychologist is not a counselor), I love volunteering and helping children and people in need. \n\nBut I am very afraid of not being able to work well with the profession, not being a good psychologist, not being able to address groups or things like that. What do you think? Is there a psychologist here or someone who is studying that?\n\nThanks", "answer": "I am not a psychologist, but a licensed counselor.  However, I can empathize with your thoughts because I always wonder if I am meant to be here since I struggle so much with my own social anxiety.  But I think that is what helps in a sense because I can see what my clients feel from their perspective.  Also, as far as doing the job itself, I just take it day by day, moment by moment.  Sometimes I do stutter and make social blunders, but I push through.  I think about the people I am helping and that motivates me.  Good luck to you! ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "avsksh", "comment_id": "ehhnbw9"}, {"question": "My mom\u2019s doctor wants to take her off her Abilify that she\u2019s been on for ~20 years because it could cause dementia", "description": "Sex: female\n\nAge: 59\n\nWeight: ~130-140lbs\n\nHeight: 5\u20194\n\nRace: Swedish, Irish, born and raised in the US\n\nMeds: Abilify (taken for 20 years or more)\n\nConditions: Hep C, Osteoarthritis, depression, ptsd, schizoaffective disorder. (Her siblings have bipolar and schizophrenia)\n\nComplaint: What should my mom do? Is there a similar med she could switch to? \n\nDuration: A few days ago my moms doc told her they should stop her Abilify. \n\nLocation: Wasilla, Alaska, just moved from Juneau, Alaska\n\nIm fine with the idea of taking my mom off her Abilify if it means a lesser chance of Dementia. We\u2019re trying to get her a specialist for her Hep C so she can get treatment (also has had hep c for ~20 years) so i imagine she would also have to stop her abilify for the treatment anyway. \n\nI just dont want her to get so depressed and irritable, like when she misses a dose or two. Honestly, it ruins the day for everyone (i love her tho, she is normally very sweet and kind). \n\nIs there a similar med to abilify? Anything we could suggest to the doc or bring up?", "answer": "Antipsychotics like aripiprazole (Abilify) do carry a black box warning for risk when given to someone with dementia, but most do not have any increased risk of dementia that I'm aware of. Any risk would probably be from anticholinergic properties, which Abilify doesn't have.\n\nYou don't have to stop taking Abilify to get treatment for hepatitis C.\n\nThis idea mostly doesn't make sense to me. It's possible that something is getting conveyed wrong through your mom, but it's also possible that your mom's doctor is doing something that doesn't make sense, or at least doesn't make sense from what you could present here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "botjdz", "comment_id": "enmgie6"}, {"question": "How to handle guys calling you pet names, and telling them to stop without ruining things?", "description": "Once before I have been very up front and direct and it backfired. An old friend of mine started calling me cutie, lil' momma, darling. I said \"I'm sorry, but it's really making me uncomfortable when you call me those cutesy names.\", He ended up blocking me on everything, sending me one last message telling me I changed, etc., etc. I guess he wasn't much of a friend?\n\nBut right now there is a guy I started talking to who I remember from high school. We have really interesting conversation and it's so refreshing. But now he started calling me \"Chica\" and mentioned I was cute before. Like, we only started talking last week and I really want to develop a friendship with this dude. I'm also fresh out of a relationship as well. We are going to hang out this weekend. How would I go about telling him how I want to just chill and be friends. I'm not in the right headspace to get romantic if that's what he's getting at. He has two sisters so I'm not sure if he just talks like that. Other than that everything is great.", "answer": "If a guy decides to cut you off because of that, it simply means he didn't want to be friends in the first place and was only interested in a romantic relationship.  \n\n\nEven though it sucks, isn't it better to find that out early rather than investing a lot of time and energy into a friendship only to find out months down the line that the guy was fantasizing about you and will cut and run as soon as he realizes he's not getting into your pants?\n\n\nBeing honest and up front is key.  Also, a lot of guys get blinders on with stuff like this so it's best to be direct and not to be subtle as they may not pick up on hints that they don't want to hear.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dz136o", "comment_id": "f84nxj7"}, {"question": "I need some major guidance", "description": "Okay so Im trying out to be a sugar baby. I have an account in seeking arrangement and I\u2019ve had it for about a week now. I\u2019ve talk to a good amount of men here and there and one stuck out the most so I started to text him. Once I gave him my number and when he texted me I went to look at his profile one last time and all of a sudden it\u2019s inactive. He only wants to call, he sends like four word sentences. And when he texted he asked if I\u2019ve done an arrangement before, I\u2019d I have a job and go to school and who I bank with (Not what my banking info is) We\u2019ve only called twice for only about 5 mins each, he keeps asking every time if I\u2019m calling from home which the first time I wasn\u2019t, he asked me about my bills and then he said he\u2019ll call me when I get home. Then he calls me and this time I\u2019m home, he asks about three times if I was home and I say yes. He was late to call by 30 mins so he cut the call short said he will call me the next day. He says it\u2019s only platonic and no sex so I\u2019m confused on what exactly he wants. And I\u2019m curious why does he always want me to be home ?", "answer": "Not a \"Sugar Daddy\"  You are being groomed for a fakecheck scam.\n\nHe is going to convince you that he is legit and will offer to pay your bills for you.  He will ask you for your account numbers to your bank.  you will give them to him because he sounds so great. He will put money in your account.  You will pay your bills with the money.  you will think it's amazing.  You will think he's legit.\n\nIn a few days or weeks, your bank will notify you that the money that was deposited was reversed because it came from a stolen account.\n\nWorse, the bills you paid - they will hit you with a \"reversed payment\" fee on top of late fees for paying them with money you didn't really have.\n\nEven *worse* is that the \"Daddy\" will deposit MORE than enough in your account and ask you to send him the balance with gift cards, which, you'll do, because he gave you way too much money and he's oh, so generous.\n\nYou'll be on the hook 100% for all the money that was dumped into your accounts plus overdraft fees, plus the fees from the bills you paid but now owe again due to the money being taken from them.\n\nHe wants you to be home and calling from a home phone/landline so he can easily trace you/find your address and then threaten/blackmail you when you don't send him gift cards.  Either that or he wants you to somewhere where you are relaxed/let your guard down so you are more trusting, less suspicious, feel relaxed, and therefore he can work his sweet talk on you to get you to believe him.  It\n\nIt's a VERY common \"Sugar Scam\"  Block him, move on to someone real who wants to meet in person.\n\nPro Tip: \"Platonic\" Sugar Daddies are unicorns.  You don't have one, even if you think you do.  It's simply a painted mule.\n\nPro Tip #2: NEVER EVER use your real phone number, EVER, and do NOT iChat.  Get a  burner number like Google Voice or 2nd Line.  NEVER EVER give out ANY real contact info, EVER.  Not until you meet in person and have done so several times and trust that person.  Burner numbers, disposable emails....and NEVER let them pick you up.  Always drive yourself or Uber!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8nad1", "comment_id": "fae8ahh"}, {"question": "Am I still suffering side effects from an overdose one month ago?", "description": "43, female, 150#, Deep South. I take Lamictal 100mg and Wellbutrin 150mg once daily. \n\nOn March 3 I OD\u2019d on klonopin and narco. I spent 6 days in a coma and another 7 fighting pneumonia. \n\nMy cognitive abilities came back very slowly but I\u2019m having some physical issues. \n\nI\u2019m always cold, I\u2019m never hungry. I\u2019m having extreme difficulty staying hydrated. I\u2019ve developed severe nausea and I\u2019m running fever. \n\nI feel so miserable right now. Could these be lingering side effects? ", "answer": "It's unlikely that you're having side effects from overdose per se a month out. However, you could certainly still be having fallout from being very sick, including still being very sick. The fever is very concerning. Being comatose for days and pneumonia (aspiration pneumonia?) are not small things.\n\nYou should see a doctor. If your fever is significant, you should probably go to an ER, ideally at the hospital that first treated you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88wyxt", "comment_id": "dwoci1x"}, {"question": "[18M] Not sure where else to put this, but I'm having trouble figuring out what the next step for me and my partner is.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "DEFINE what you want yourselves to be", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64ja81", "comment_id": "dg2ko32"}, {"question": "Anyone puzzled to find out that suicidal ideation is relatively rare and considered unusual and serious?", "description": "I have suicidal thoughts thousands of times a day.  When I walk around and see the expressions on other people's faces, I always assume this is the same for them.  I guess my depression causes me to project my own feelings on everyone elses.  But I must say, the more I've researched depression the more I've realized that suicidal thinking is rather rare and dangerous.  I saw one statistic that said about 3% of americans had suicidal thoughts in the last year.  This seems very low, and I supposed my outlook on life is so warped that I have a hard time imagining the majority of people can make it through a day without imagining hanging themselves. Can anybody relate?", "answer": "I once read an article about the Golden Gate Bridge being the most jumped-off bridge in America or something. There's a volunteer group that patrols the bridge, doing their best to prevent suicides. One member of this group was quoted as saying something like \"I was surprised to learn that suicidal people aren't just crazy people, but real people who are suffering.\" \n\nSeriously? There are people to whom suicidal thoughts are so completely foreign that they are surprised to learn we're \"not just crazy people\"? How is it possible to go through life without ever feeling that despair?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "18xqd1", "comment_id": "c8iy7oq"}, {"question": "Would this be acceptable?", "description": "I frequently visit a supermarket and the girl behind the register and me have small talk all day long. She told me she has a resit for a history exam which she struggles with. Now I have been giving tutoring in English (speaking) and History for about two years now. \n\nWould it be okay if I offered to tutor her and give her my phone number? If so, how could I best offer it? \n\nI'm afraid it will come over as flirting, which isn't my intention.", "answer": "I think it's totally acceptable to mention to her that you are a tutor.  Give her your information and tell her to contact you if you want any help.  Do you tutor as a job for money?  If so, you should get some sort of business cards.  \n\n\nIf your true intent is to help her and isn't romantic, then just be all business about it.  If your intent is romantic, I'd say forget the whole tutoring thing and just ask her out on a date (ie.  Well when you're all done how about we meet up to go do ______________ to celebrate?)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv2pu", "comment_id": "fdrjkkz"}, {"question": "Lexapro/SSRI withdrawal question", "description": "Hey everyone! I recently stopped taking Lexapro after taking it for about 3.5-4 months. Before that, I was taking Prozac for about 6 months. \nBefore this period of antidepressants, I was on a cocktail of daily klonopin, celexa, and a few others...\n\nMy point is, I have been through the withdrawal process a few times, and unfortunately am aware of all the withdrawal affects of the drugs.\n\nMost recently, when I stopped taking the Lexapro, I experienced new symptoms and was just wondering if anyone has some insight or anyone has experience similar issues. The main issue is I am about 2 or 3 days late for my period. I couldn't find much information browsing around, but is this a common symptom associated with withdrawal? I have also been experiencing some GI issues (upset stomach, etc...)\n\nNothing else in my life (diet or exercise habits, stress, etc) has changed except for stopping Lexapro and all SSRIs/antidepressants, so I guess I was just wondering if these were common symptoms?\n\nThank you all!", "answer": "Never heard of that one before though it's not impossible.  Maybe try taking a pregnancy test just to be sure?  Well.... 2-3 days not the craziest, but definitely if a few more days go by.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6xjdiq", "comment_id": "dmghqdu"}, {"question": "Are Himilayan Ashwagandha Pills Bullshit?", "description": "Last year I dealt with Testicular Cancer. Had my right nut removed. Things were fine. Well, recently they might have found some cancer cells in my lower abdomen and I may have to start chemotherapy. So, I'm worried.\n\nMy mother got me these Herbal pills called \"Himilayan Ashwagandha\". She said it helps with cancer and that she takes them for other reasons. She wouldn't. give me a reason she took them. I love her but she sometimes is suspectible to bullshit. Whereas, I am not.\n\nAre these pills at all valid? Or are they just glorified placebos?\n\n​\n\n28M  \n260 LBS", "answer": "[https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/herbs/ashwagandha](https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/herbs/ashwagandha)\n\nIt does not help with cancer. It does not clearly help with anything. The trouble with supplements is that regulation is so poor that they are regularly either contaminated with toxins, fail to contain the purported ingredient, or both.\n\nI would recommend against it, but it's probably not going to cause harm. Let your doctors know if you do take it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy3ch9", "comment_id": "ft8kbn6"}, {"question": "Does anyone else want to be around people and not interact with them or have them acknowledge your existence in any way?", "description": "I feel uneasy when alone. And I notice that having others around when I'm fully engaged in my own world (music, laptop, etc) is the best I've ever felt. Like a mutual unacknowledgment. So I'm talking small coffee shops with people in pairs engaged in each other talking low on a slow day, etc. I don't want people to look at me, be too loud, or talk to me or acknowledge me an any way. I just want them there while I enjoy my own world.", "answer": "Lol yes that is my preferred state of existence. A fly on the wall, but also doing my own thing", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c3hl0l", "comment_id": "err65x7"}, {"question": "I hallucinated last night, help. I don't know what I should do now.", "description": "Okay, so last night, I was using my smartphone to watch scary videos till 12am. Then I've decided that it is enough for today, I need to go to sleep. However, since I was unable to sleep, I begin hallucinating a smartphone in my hands and with earphones connect to my ears. It felt very real and I hallucinate watching a scary video and getting \"paralysed\" by it. My brain feels weird, as if it is dreaming but I soon realised my eyes are actually open, it is not a dream when my roommate got up and went to the toilet. \n\nThis is the third time that such similar incidents happened, which I think it is caused by sleep deprivation. I've never hallucinated during the day before, it's always after midnight.\n\nIs there anything wrong with me?", "answer": "The other two answers are probably right. I'd add sleep paralysis. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25cgu1", "comment_id": "chfv3ko"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Pregnancy is extremely unlikely in this situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5132oy", "comment_id": "d7939rf"}, {"question": "Cystic Fibrosis with a 10 day old baby. Not 100% confirmed, Many questions, PLEASE HELP!", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Not my area of expertise, and these are questions you should ask the doctors involved. Generally, I would expect them to be cautious if medications are harmful to a baby without CF and they're not certain, but there's nothing that immediately jumps out as dangerous in pancrelipase (Creon), salt, or vitamins.\n\nThe sweat test isn't a test of her body's salt; that would require a blood test. Instead, it test's her body's ability to reabsorb salt from sweat, which is abnormal in CF, producing saltier than normal sweat. (With or without CF, sweat isn't part of normal salt regulation; that's the kidneys' job.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9uvjnk", "comment_id": "e97duum"}, {"question": "First Post", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Good luck. I was just thinking about the genetics piece. I think i probably inherited a disposition to anxiety snd/or managing stress etc poorly...and alchohol became the solution, as it probably did for relatives too. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8q0ax9", "comment_id": "e0g8awx"}, {"question": "college student struggling with drinking", "description": "Hi guys, I could really use some advice and tips because I just am so sick of struggling with my inner demons. I go to a college where the binge drinking culture is very bad and a solid chunk of my friends are alcoholics, but don\u2019t admit it. But I have to admit I\u2019m an alcoholic. I\u2019m a 21 year old girl and I just don\u2019t want to let alcohol control my life even more than it does. I go out 4 times a week, I\u2019ve drank\u2014 even in the day\u2014to get the courage to talk to people. I\u2019ve drank alone. I can only have \u201c1 drink\u201d in public but I secretly wish I could have more. I know it\u2019s inhibiting the best person I can be but every time I try to stop I get dragged back in. It also sucks because I struggle with depression and my meds make me feel numb and emotionless and I try to combat that with alcohol a lot, which is bad. How do you guys deal with cravings and does it get better? Do you guys have any certain phrases you say to your mind to help (for ex: \u201cthis craving will pass in a minute, don\u2019t give in). are there any other college students on this subreddit? If so, how did you maintain sobriety in a drinking culture environment? I\u2019m just so lost and this is the first time I\u2019ve posted on reddit. I see how great this community is and I could really use your kind words. ", "answer": "Hi. For a stary how fantastic that you recognise this so early in youre life... v mature ! Some of my difficulties started in college ...if i were to go back i would get a job or two, volunteer, commit to hobbies which dont involve drinking, and travel . For me the environment centered around drinking so much, so changing that would have been v. helpful. In terms of how i cope with cravings i think i have a shorthand re why I'm not drinking e.g. family, health, energy and quality of life in general. Good luck and ENJOY college \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8gtha5", "comment_id": "dyeij7a"}, {"question": "Is the creatinine levels in my urine normal?", "description": "I went through a urine drug test a while ago which came back negative today. In the test they also tested the creatinine level of my urine which after a bit of googling made me a little bit worried.\n\nMy level was 1,82 mg/ml which seems high to me! I\u2019m a 23y/o male who don\u2019t exercise a lot, with a reasonably balanced diet and I weigh around 83 kg. I feel completely fine, no symptoms of anything out of the ordinary\n\nIs this something to worry about? Thank you in advance \ud83d\ude42\n", "answer": "It's hard to interpret a spot urine creatinine with no volume. Excretion of waste, including creatinine, is a primary kidney function. You should excrete a lot of creatinine. In healthy kidneys the amount excreted depends on the amount present (which itself depends mostly on muscle mass) and how much urine you produce; if you drink a lot of fluid and produce lots of urine, it will be more dilute, and if you drink little fluid on a hot day you'll produce very concentrated urine, but overall the same amount of total creatinine excreted.\n\nThe purpose of the urine creatinine test here is almost certainly to make sure your urine is concentrated enough to be a real sample, not doctored or diluted. It's not of much use diagnostically by itself, and there's no reason to test it otherwise unless you have some other labs that were concerning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zdkwd", "comment_id": "e2hwo9l"}, {"question": "Does it get better?", "description": "Failure after failure, pretty much my life. I have begun to really dislike adult life and adult responsibilities, it's all boogus, i'd rather be a small little child than this, and the worst thing is that there is no rest from it, it never ends, until you die that is. (Which is a really long time judging by statistics.)\n\n[\nFuckin' thing sucks!](https://youtu.be/VYrFnW8jpWA)\n\nSoooooo, does it get better?", "answer": "You are asking a very Existential question...will life ever get better or will it be just an endless series of tasks and achievements. I can say that I sometimes feel the way you currently do. Can you recall the last time you felt like things were going your way?  What was different at that point?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60xhs8", "comment_id": "dfa5mly"}, {"question": "FOR THE INATTENTIVE, etc : I am learning about DMN (Default Mode Network), TPN (Task-Positive Network) and how it affects not only ADHD, but other neurological conditions too.", "description": "  I advise everyone to do your own research (please vet your sources. don't listen to the hippy-dippy woo-woo stuff or anything that says 'cure').\n\nThere may be some evidence that mindfulness practices / mindfulness meditation slows down the activity in the DMN (people call it demon for a reason) and allows the TPN to take over. In laymen terms, the DMN is the part of the brain that when idle will make us spiral into the dark fall out cloud of nuclear self-hatred.  TPN is basically what allows you to get stuff done.\n\nStudies are showing that mindfulness practices take the 'you' out of the equation so-to-speak and lessen the activity in the DMN, which in turn quells the self-hatred spiral fun house clown ride.\n\nScientists are using fMRI imaging to map this out in real time so it looks like there is some science at least behind this. People who regularly meditate have a lower overall activation of the DMN in every day life.\n\nAgain, do your own research, but meditation and mindfulness practices have been used around the world for thousands of years. It's not nothing that's for sure.\n\nI posted in another thread here that I have a simple 5 minute 'mindfulness bell' sound I listen to right when I wake up and before I even get out of bed. It's a simple sound from 'gong' to silence that repeats. Very easy to be mindful of. When I work, I listen to something medium tempo and simplistic like deadmau5 radio. For me, those 2 things seem to perfectly put me in the place I'm looking to be in. \n\nYou have to find your own 'frequency', if you will. Good luck!\n\nIf I've spoken out of turn, someone please correct me. I'm still learning about it all.\n\nYour thoughts?\n\nVideo search results for ease:\n\n [https://www.google.com/search?q=DMN+and+TPN&rlz=1C1CAFB\\_enUS849US849&sxsrf=ACYBGNQU7BiWW1p9LR5l1DYEy0t4gl20hw:1580326938132&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGzprOyKnnAhUgg3IEHQ-HB2YQ\\_AUoBHoECGIQBg&biw=1355&bih=923](https://www.google.com/search?q=DMN+and+TPN&rlz=1C1CAFB_enUS849US849&sxsrf=ACYBGNQU7BiWW1p9LR5l1DYEy0t4gl20hw:1580326938132&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGzprOyKnnAhUgg3IEHQ-HB2YQ_AUoBHoECGIQBg&biw=1355&bih=923)", "answer": ">self-hatred spiral fun house clown ride\n\nSuch an amazing description.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "evs31q", "comment_id": "ffz74c0"}, {"question": "Just got back from therapy appointment.", "description": "For some reason I feel more down than what I was before.\n\nWith my first appointment I was really happy and cheerful. \n\nJust want to curl up into a ball right now. ", "answer": "That's normal. Therapy is a process, and you may at times feel a bit worse (especially when digging up past stuff) before you feel better. The important part is to remember to ride out those dips because you are working toward a goal: a happier you ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tlyhr", "comment_id": "c4o8s88"}, {"question": "My(30M) wife (28f) gets really mad at me and stops talking to me for 6-8 hours over seemingly small things, are there any wise responses or coping methods for her anger outbursts or ignoring me?", "description": "We've been together 2 years some change, and moved in together a year ago and also have a six month old son. She gets really mad at me over the smallest things and decides to ignore me for the rest of the day.\n\nThese things really are truly minor, they could be anything from not using shampoo in my hair when I shower to wanting to leave some place I'm uncomfortable in. The result is on the spot she gets really mad at me and will start getting surly and accusatory and a couple minutes later she'll ignore me for the rest of the day. When she get's mad initially I maintain my calm and I don't lash back and continue acting rationally and speaking kindly but then as a result she gets mad and ignores me. Any attempt to talking to her during this silent period results in her getting more angry.\n\nI'm not sure how to really deal with it since it really hurts me. It hurts my feelings, it hurts my ego, it hurts my perception of her. Why can someone get **so** mad at me for things so insignificant? \nHow do I personally deal with her little outbursts of rage and silent treatment? Lately I've just been giving her a longer period of silent treatment but it's not really effective but I can't just roll over and let her mistreat me over the very minor things she chooses to be upset over.", "answer": "marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71r05h", "comment_id": "dncreiu"}, {"question": "my meds wore off", "description": "EVERYTIME i come down off of this fucking adderal i feel like a useless piece of shit and i realize all that self-esteem came from my dumbass medication  BLEEPBLoooPBlahHH GAH FUCK my adhd is so bad i feel lethargic after this bullshit wares off, my mind is so cluttered lord help me, time to go on earthporn for 5 minutes until i forget why i am there and then watch 3 tv shows at once while doing homework and reading. shit.", "answer": "So I used to have bad symptoms when it wore off (headache, depressed, aggressive/temper, just feel like shit). I don't find the come down with vyvanse to be that way at all. Instead, all of a sudden it just... wears off. Just a thought! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6zq6xc", "comment_id": "dmxf1lm"}, {"question": "Getting back together.", "description": "For those who got back together how did it work what happened?", "answer": "i dumped her after a month. i wrote to her 10 yrs later. she moved in 4 months later. we got married 3 months later. that was 38 yrs ago.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v19wd", "comment_id": "ddyi8eh"}, {"question": "I need a sick day", "description": "I need a sick day from work and want to get a doctor's note.I'm trying to get new year's off and want to get the note Friday and It go through saturday. Normally I would never do this but I'm leaving the job within a month after 3 years of service and have been treated horribly the entire time. I obviously want to leave on good terms though hence the doctor's note. I was thinking about going for mental health but am not sure what to say. My grandmother recently had a heart-attack and i was thinking I could possibly use that but am not sure how to word it. thank you! also apoligies if I'm not supposed to post this here.", "answer": "You're damn right that it shouldn't be posted here. Do you expect healthcare professionals to help you to get days off rather than help people with genuine illness?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ke1mj", "comment_id": "dbn87s4"}, {"question": "Both hands have been numb for 5 hours", "description": "Age 23F\n\nSex F\n\nHeight 5'10\"\n\nWeight 120lbs\n\nRace White\n\nDuration of complaint 6 hours\n\nLocation usa\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues no\n\nCurrent medications birth control\n\n\nBackground: I usually don't have a period because I take birth control. I ran out and wast able to take my pill for two days and so I started bleeding yesterday with some normal cramping. I got my pill and took it yesterday like normal. I'm 23, 5'10\", 120lbs.\n\nLast night I was woken up around 3am by extreme cramps that have been making me bend over in pain and cry and almost throw up and I'm still experiencing them now at 9am. However at around 4am both of my hands and arms started to feel numb and now my hands are still numb 5 hours later. As far as the cramps go I think I have endometriosis but I've never been tested for it. Can an ultrasound do that? With the hands part, I've never had this happen before and I'm wondering if I should go to a walk in clinic?", "answer": "Are the hands cold? Are the entire hands numb? Tingling?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j66gwp", "comment_id": "g7wmx6m"}, {"question": "How to be more motivated & better at decision making", "description": "Recent college grad of a top public university with $75k tech job in a suburb area -- so my income is a little above average but a lot less than what my CS (computer science) peers make. \n\nIf you ask me 3 years ago what words describe me, I would say \"hardworking, resilient, bubbly, creative\". However, multiple things in college & built-up from difficult childhood made me no longer that way. Some reasons are:\n\n* Grew up with an immigrant single mother who works minimum wage to feed a family of 4. Instead of hanging out with friends or interning during breaks in high school, I worked at a restaurant in place of my mother because she's often sick. Being the eldest child, I had to learn everything myself. Even though my mother always said just get an average job and find a good husband, I'm subconsciously brainwashed to believe I need money to be happy. \n* Worked really hard first 2 years of college to apply to my dream program but got waitlisted. Was still optimistic so worked extra hard to impress the waitlist committee. Ended up being rejected ---- So I spent almost 3 years in college fighting for a degree program that ended in nothing. \n* Most of my friends (including and excluding ones who applied to the same program) switched to CS for the money, so I followed them. Although I took intro CS class earlier in my college career, due to above \"dream program\" GPA requirements, I waited till the end of my junior year to finish the majority CS courses. I had to take CS courses with its prerequisites. Always concerned about a GPA requirement & having to cram CS major down in <2 years made me form a habit of just cramming for the grades but not actually learning. I thought about quitting CS and but my boyfriend (who also switched majors and pursued CS and ended up with almost 2x more salary) said as long as I graduate with CS degree, I'll be able to get a well-paying job ---- this did not happen; I also didn't learn how to learn in college because all I did was cram for exam. \n* Joined clubs with heavy commitments that didn't end up helping my job search, but instead, I had to sacrifice my health to still keep my grades up with the limited study time. \n* Boyfriend whos best friend to me started thinking I'm useless. He went into the dark tunnel of thinking money and prestige is the only way. He is now suffering from depression but still working at a high paying job. Because of his negative attitudes towards everything, he started indirectly telling mutual friends bad things about me (that may not be as bad as he think). Despite all these, he is still the only person who tries to go out of his way to help me. So whenever he becomes moody and start viewing me negatively, I become sadder. \n* Studied SO HARD to graduate: went to every office hours, stopped talking to friends, sacrificed food time, slept after 3am everyday, broke my immune system (was sick every 2 months of the last year of college). ----- Everything fell apart but still ended up with just similar salary as friends who are less smart and less hardworking.\n* It's very common for CS majors to reference online materials for assignments (people do this at work all the time). But because of one incident, I almost did not graduate and ended up having to get a grade deduction. I'm glad the professor \"gave me another chance\" ---- but I worked SO hard but still ended up with BARELY a passing grade, so I feel like my whole efforts are wasted. \n\nThere are also other reasons but I don't want to make this any longer. \n\n----------------\n\nI don't know when I started to feel these ways:\n\n1. My effort never leads to good results\n2. Everyone thinks I'm useless and will never be successful\n3. Cannot make decisions because I think my decision and effort will lead to another failure \n4. Not motivated to do anything because don't know what won't end in failure\n5. Always conflicted b/w wanting more money to buy more things & wanting to be happy. Don't know how to find that balance. \n6. Most of the time I just feel empty and aimless. Feeling empty at work, feeling empty while walking (except when I'm watching TV shows to forget about reality)\n\nHow do I resolve the above points?\n\nAny suggestion would help. Will elaborate if needed. Thank you so much", "answer": "It sounds like a lot of different issues have snowballed and blended into a tangled mess of generally feeling unhappy. From what you\u2019ve said, you didn\u2019t get to spend a lot of time as a child/adolescent getting to know who you are. You have always been working and taking on very grown up roles. I\u2019m also hearing a lot of internalized pressure. It sounds as though you believe every time you make it over the *next* hurdle you will find happiness. It doesn\u2019t sound like you have a balanced life. Think of your life like slices of a pie, with equal amounts of energy going to each slice. You need slices for work, friendship, love, spirituality, hobbies. Spend some time getting to know who you are outside of work and academics. Figure out what is fun to you. Start talking back to these negative voices in your head. This is where therapy can truly help. It may also help in addressing some of the childhood experiences that are likely the root of those negative messages. Do better with self-care, including adding some pleasure in your life. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bxpx5y", "comment_id": "eq8zjq4"}, {"question": "Ritalin and Adderall associated with worse performance in school", "description": "http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-07-03/ritalin-may-be-sabotaging-your-kids\n\nOne might have anticipated that easier access to medication would lead to improved health and, ideally, better educational performance. Instead, we found evidence that the children using stimulants fared slightly worse. After the insurance expansion, the Quebec children experienced more depression and anxiety -- problems that could be side effects of stimulant medication. Meanwhile, there was little evidence of any benefits for the children's schooling. On the contrary, we found their chances of progressing through school without repeating a grade to be somewhat lower than they had been before the insurance expansion and lower than those of children in the rest of Canada. Their probability of high school graduation likewise declined a bit.\n\nAfter the insurance policy change, more boys than girls started using stimulants, including many whose initial ADHD symptoms were minimal. Among girls, increased stimulant use was more concentrated among those with high initial levels of ADHD symptoms. Even so, the added stimulant use among girls was associated with more symptoms of anxiety and depression, falling math scores, and a decline in the probability they would go on to get a post-secondary education.", "answer": "A good thing to keep in mind is that, in children, there are many issues that, to a poorly trained or non-thorough practitioner, can disguise themselves as ADHD. These include: depression, anxiety, OCD, early onset Bipolar disorder, sleep deprivation, problems at home, bullying, conduct disorder, and hyperthyroidism to name a few. \n\nGiven that many parents are more comfortable taking their child to a GP or pediatrician rather than a psychiatrist or psychologist (where these possible other issues could be explored) the child is more likely to be slapped with an ADHD diagnosis and given said medication than had they seen a mental health practitioner. Secondly, now-a-days (at least in America) physicians are overworked and often do not have the time or energy to sit down for a true differential diagnosis process. \n\nI would imagine (and is probably just speculative and anecdotal) that this can lead to stimulant prescriptions to non-ADHD children.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2a2txg", "comment_id": "cir5e3a"}, {"question": "My and my girlfriend have a technicality about sex. Can someone please give me advice", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nIve [17/m] been adting my girlfriend [17/f] for nearly two years now. However recently we've gone through a rough patch because of some differnt views on sex.\n\nAs someone who never wanted to have sex at an early age, ive always imagined myself having sex when im in my 20's. But my gf has always wanted to do it early. \n\nLately she has brought it up and that she feels the need to do it. She wants to have sex and its to the point where she doesnt care with who. Obviously i wasnt too happy with this so we had a massive argument. \n\nWe are good right now, but i dont know what to do. She means alot to me and ive considered maybe trying to ease up on the age i want to do it and maybe do it next year. \n\ntl;dr my girfriend and i have some opposing views on when to have sex. i am not ready but she is. this is really hurting us, what should i do?\n\n", "answer": "everyone's different. hopefully she'll be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ph1nv", "comment_id": "dcr48t8"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckfb8pj"}, {"question": "Very sensitive to death scenes in movies", "description": "No idea if I should be posting this here or what so please let me know if I should delete and post somehwere else.\n\nAs i've gotten older (34M), i've become more and more sensitive to death in tv and movies. Especially violent ones. I become super empathetic and find myself horrified with the experience, often in tears.\n\nI've never served in the army, I have a pretty boring life. I have developed a fear of having a violent death. Not sure where to go with this. Looking for advice. ", "answer": "Nothing wrong with that. Might want to change your viewing habits. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fns1w", "comment_id": "dijkspi"}, {"question": "Advice please: Weighted Blankets", "description": "So I'm getting a weighted blanket for my birthday to help with my ptsd, my psych has highly recommended them and wanted some advice before I bought one. Has anyone used them before? \nHas anyone used the chain version?\nAnd lastly, are the ones on Amazon good? The Australian made ones are about 3 times the price as those on Amazon.", "answer": "I LOVE mine. It feels like a hug. I seem to sleep better, it definitely calms me and makes me feel safer. I just got a cheap one on amazon (buzio brand) and it has been great. I got one a little over 10% of my body weight.\n\neta: the one I have is just filled with little tiny beads. I don't know anything about the chain versions. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "a1m4mc", "comment_id": "earasgm"}, {"question": "Back again", "description": "Hi friends,\n\nI am afraid that I'm here fulfilling my role as a clich\u00e9d cautionary tale. \n\nI made it over three years without drinking.\n\nUntil about two years ago.\n\nI got away from meetings because of my struggles with faith and my general cockiness, I guess. I started dating someone who liked to smoke weed, and I slowly started partaking from time-to-time. I went to a bachelorette party summer of 2017, and while I was waiting for a several-hours-delayed flights, I joined my friends in the free wine we were offered. It has been steadily going downhill from there. \n\nAs everyone told me would happen, things started \"okay\" and eventually I ended up right where I started when I first sniffed around recovery. My bottom wasn't as bad this time, but the experience and struggles are the same. \n\nI drank all my money. I drank away some of my most important relationships. I don't remember anything that happens to me. I'm a shell. I've blacked out almost every day in 2019. I'm hungover every day. I eat eight times a week, maybe, but I'm still overweight because of all of the calories I take in by beer. I'm have no idea how I feel. I'm behind on every project I've taken on. I've squandered opportunities for the last three years that sober me set up for herself. \n\nI don't have anything of meaning to say, but I have decided I'll go to a meeting tonight and try it out. I'm in a new city now, and apprehensive about what it'll be like, but I figure I'll start out there and commit my intention to not drink today. \n\nThank you for being here and for offering a place that I could come back to.", "answer": "Welcome back. Your story is very similar to mine. Been struggling to get some sober time after relapsing about 2 1/2 years ago. I have a little more than 6 months now, and starting to have more better days then not at this point. It\u2019s tough because I constantly want to feel as good as I did when I had my time. I keep reminding myself to be patient and the old saying \u201cdon\u2019t quit before the miracle happens.\u201d Not sure if it will be a miracle, but I have faith that if I stay sober and keep it up, it will get better.  Just wanted to give you my experience with it so far. If we hand in there and keep doing the right thing and have some patience, things will get better. Wishing you the best. I feel your pain and know how difficult it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d0km9h", "comment_id": "ezahm1y"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now.  He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship.  \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me.  I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way).  I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me.  I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "dgzf7n7"}, {"question": "Can't trust myself", "description": "So I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. I suffer with mental illness, in the past I used drugs to cope but I have recently went to rehab and solved that problem. But in my mind I'm always feeling something that I don't let everybody else see. I feel so fake like I want everyone to know the truth about me. But now I also have this belief that everyone is fake, and now I'm not able to trust anymore because I can't trust myself. I love my girlfriend but I feel as though I'm not enough because my mental illness puts some restrictions on my life. Should I take some time to work on myself or stay with the girl of my dreams and try to get better?", "answer": "I assume you have a therapist and take meds. Be open and honest. If the relationship is strong, you'll work through it together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tg4j", "comment_id": "dn5ucrz"}, {"question": "I (19F) can't work out what my boyfriend (19M) really wants from our relationship", "description": "Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years, but we were friends for 5 years prior to this. He's the type of guy I can actually see myself marrying. All through our relationship every now and then he has times where he freaks out about our relationship and worries we're \"holding each other back\".\n\nI keep trying to help him that I'd never stop him doing anything he wanted to do and I've never shown I would either, but I don't think it helps that I get worried about him with other girls. We're both moving to university together in September, and depending on results is more than likely to be the same one, yet he stills thinks we won't last. I've put my all into this relationship and I really do love him, but his uncertainty is starting to make me feel insecure. We're really happy about 80% of the time, but when we're not together the freak outs he has really get to me and really effect my mood.\n\nI guess what I'm trying to ask is if anyone else has been through this type of things and how you got over it, or if anyone has any advice on whether I should try and make things work or end it whilst I'm young enough to get over it?", "answer": "ask him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbq0p", "comment_id": "dl3vfd3"}, {"question": "I need to see a psychologist and can't see any locally. Has anyone looked into the credibility of getting help online?", "description": "Long story short, I need to find out why I'm unhappy most of the time.  I'm on meds from my PCP, but my BS in Psych tells me I should talk to someone to figure out if there is a non-biochemical reason for my issues. I'm high functioning and not suicidal. \n\nDoes anyone know of any legit online places I can talk to a real professional?", "answer": "Might consider seeing a counselor (a LPC or LMHC depending on your state). While they don't have quite as much education as psychologists (6 years vs. 8-9 years), but they still are competent therapists and can be helpful.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1gvum0", "comment_id": "caobfwk"}, {"question": "Can masturbation during puberty stunt penis growth?", "description": "Age: 21. Sex: Male. Height: 5\"8. Weight: 120. Location: United States.", "answer": "To add to the chorus with an official medical opinion: no, masturbation has no known negative effects on penis size or anything else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd7ch", "comment_id": "eeumxpe"}, {"question": "Has anyone else done anything this weird/creepy as a kid? 26yo me looking back at 12yo me and cringing at this so bad", "description": "So, back when I was in Year 6 at school, around 11/12 years old, I was pretty popular in my year group, and had never been bullied or anything. \n\nThere was a girl in my year at school who was my \u2018girlfriend\u2019 at the time - the kind of girlfriend only a 12 year old has, where you would send a letter with tick yes/no for if you want to be with me, and she\u2019d send her friend Jane two weeks later to say she\u2019d dumped you and in time you\u2019d send your mate Billy to give another note to the next girl. \n\nAnyways, I liked her a lot at the time, and my friends joked around with me because she had a twin sister, so it was the usual, \u201cyou must fancy her sister then\u201d kind of remarks I\u2019d get. \n\nOne day, she was upset and I remember asking someone why she was crying. They said she\u2019d had a nasty note put in her classroom box (like a plastic sliding drawer to put your books in with your name on the front). The note was saying something like \u201cyou\u2019re the ugly twin\u201d and she obviously took it to heart and there was a big drama about it all. \n\nI assured her the note was wrong, and saw myself as a bit of a hero when I got a kiss from her. Soon after, I found a note in my own class box, though I can\u2019t remember exactly what it said, something along the lines of my being a douchebag. \n\nIt must have been juicy whatever it was on the note, because I remember everyone around me saying how vile whoever was writing these notes were, and I had my friends all supporting me through it. \n\nSo this is where it gets so weird. \n\nI don\u2019t know how it started, or why, but from here on, I started writing horrible notes myself. I addressed them to myself, wrote nasty things about myself and put them in my own classroom box to be \u2018found\u2019. \n\nI\u2019d then acting really fucking annoyed and upset when I did \u2018find\u2019 them, showing my friends and leading long discussions about who it could be and what I\u2019d done to deserve it. \n\nI\u2019d gather all my mates and go around asking people if they had a problem with me, gaining \u2018allies\u2019 and ruling some of my peers out of the whodunnit equation. \n\nIt must have went a bit far because before long, my teacher was involved. I showed him one or two notes that had been put in my box - by myself obviously - and he first spoke to the class asking for it all to be stopped, and when it didn\u2019t, progressed to hauling the entire year group in for an assembly to lecture everyone on bullying and bringing up the bullying notes. \n\nThe notes continued to appear in my box (because creepy 12 year old me was writing them) and I would give myself abuse and call myself names like \u2018gay\u2019, I\u2019d comment on my appearance, saying whatever other vile non-original things I thought up that I heard other kids say. \n\nI wrote things like \u2018you fingered Eliza and I\u2019m going to tell your mum\u201d. I even wrote a fake note to myself and signed it from my girlfriend, breaking up with me. \n\nShe was obviously angry at the mystery note writer and assured me she wanted to stay together. \n\nIt\u2019s all so fucked up. I can\u2019t remember what else I wrote, and genuinely have no idea why I would write all that to myself but I thought it was all so entertaining at the time, I must have loved the attention it was getting from all my peers and my teachers. \n\nI was progressing to writing notes abusing myself and addressing them to my friends instead of just to me, thinking I was clouding the evidence away from myself. \n\nNot that I really thought I\u2019d be caught out. \n\nSo it would then be a friend for example, would come to me and say he\u2019d found a note saying, \u201cyour mate *me* is a fucking idiot, he\u2019s going to get kicked in after school\u201d, and I\u2019d have disguised my handwriting by writing in big loopy letters, or capitals or something. \n\nI was being ultra sneaky about it all, waiting for people to turn their back so I could write another hideous comment. \n\nThe whole thing came to a head when my teacher said he was going to speak to the headmaster halfway through a lesson, so we could all carry on with what we were doing. \n\nIn the time he was gone, another note had magically appeared in my box. Unbeknownst to me, 12 year old genius that I thought I was, my teacher must have suspected there was something not right about the whole thing after it had been going on for a couple of weeks without it slowing down.\n\n He had probably been using a programme of elimination; who was in the class at the time etc. So, my teacher comes back from speaking with the Head ten minutes later and I hand him this note, shaking with temper as I was (not), all outraged that anybody had the fucking cheek to try and bully me.\n\nHe looks at this note, then back at me, then crumples it up and bins it, looking me dead in the eye the entire time. \n\nHe then said to me quietly, \u201ccan you stay behind at break so we can talk about this?\u201d And I\u2019m all like, \u201cyeah Mr M, I\u2019m not having this crap go on any longer - I\u2019m going to end up getting my mum in to the school.\u201d \n\nHail the end of class, bell goes, everybody leaves, and he sits me down and asks me, \u201clisten, have you got something you want to tell me?\u201d And I\u2019m looking at him with my heart in my mouth, stubbornly acting all innocent replying, \u201cNo sir, I just want to know who\u2019s sending me all this crap.\u201d \n\nHe gets up and walks over to my box and pulls out one of my school workbooks, the type with the cardboard cover with your name and class wrote on the front, and the lined pages inside. \n\nHe opens it up, and shows me inside, where all the ripped edges from the torn out pages are. He just said quietly \u201cI think we both know where the notes are coming from, Mikey, because you\u2019ve been writing them.\u201d \n\nI\u2019m shaking at this point, and start to cry, literally in shock that I\u2019ve been caught out and wondering how the fuck it got to this point, imagining my life was over. \n\nMy teacher then went to his desk and got all the notes I\u2019d conveniently handed him to investigate, probably around 20 of them, all with abuse wrote on them, and he fit them one by one to my book where they obviously fit like a glove, my crimes laid bare for all to see. \n\nI cried my eyes out and refused to admit it to him. I was clutching at straws, and said through the lump in my throat, \u201cI bet it was YOU sir, you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about!\u201d \n\nHe just shook his head and said, \u201cNo, Mikey, you done this, and it\u2019s sick. I don\u2019t know *why* you\u2019ve done all this, but I think this is all finished with, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything left to be said for now.\u201d \n\nI just ran out at this point and went home sick. I was scared shitless that my class would find out what I had done. I was terrified, and never told my mum a single thing about any of it, she\u2019d have been disgusted with me.\n\nWhen I went back to school the next day, I kept my head down and Mr M never bothered me at all. He carried on as normal and I gratefully followed his lead.\n\nHe\u2019d left it all unsaid, and I don\u2019t know if he ever did tell any of the other teachers, though I\u2019d assume now he probably pissed his pants laughing about me.\n\nNobody in my class ever did find out luckily, the mysterious note-writer disappeared and was forgotten by everybody but me and I avoided that teacher like the plague for the next two and a half years. \n\nNobody could ever understand why I would say \u201cI hated Mr M,\u201d because he was actually a really good guy. Looking back now, it was obviously out of complete humiliation that I despised him so much, all he done was uncover my weird lie. \n\nIt\u2019s all ridiculous, but it still makes me die inside when I remember it all, it\u2019s such a weird thing for a kid to do, I technically bullied myself.\n\n\nI know this is random AF, but it just makes me cringe inside like nothing else, and nobody knows this story except me and that teacher. I bumped into him recently, and it\u2019s been about 13 years since I left middle school. \n\nHe recognised me and asked me how I was and what I was doing with myself. It was in my mind the whole time we were talking and I knew he would be thinking the same as me; \u2018what a fucking weirdo he was in school!\u201d\n", "answer": "People accuse kids of \"doing it for attention\" as if that were some horrible crime, and I don't see why. \"Attention\" isn't just attention: It is support, care, interest, being seen, having a role - all of which are completely normal things to want and need. I don't know why 12-year-old you went this route, but I think you should give yourself some slack. You were just a kid. Even if you thought it was a hilarious joke at the time, you were just a kid.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97bf76", "comment_id": "e472mve"}, {"question": "update on my mom after her suicide attempt", "description": "i don\u2019t remember how much i included in my last post so i\u2019ll summarize it here: my mom has been dealing with financial issues and a toxic relationship, as well as some other chaotic family problems. so those things piled up and it got to her. she ended up drinking a lot of liquor and tried to hang herself in the garage, thankfully she did a bad job at it so it\u2019s looking like she will make a decent recovery. so after she was taken to the hospital they got her stabilized and we were able to go in and see her. she was really ridged and breathing heavily, but they gave her meds to calm her down and put her to sleep. i got news at 10 AM that she had opened her eyes and was trying to move around to take off the stuff that hooks her up to the machine. this is really good news because it means she\u2019s no longer in a coma and she also has use of (at least most) of her motor functions. she has not talked yet i don\u2019t think, but i won\u2019t be visiting her at the hospital for at least a few days because i need time to deal with everything that has happened. i hope that within the next few weeks/months she can start to recover, and hopefully get sober and into therapy so she can get the help she truly needs. suicide isn\u2019t a joke, guys. if someone you know is depressed PLEASE keep an eye on them and reach out to them, because none of us saw this coming. we knew she was depressed and drinking too much but we never expected this. keep my mom in your thoughts pls. things are looking good though recovery wise for her body. ", "answer": "sending my best wishes", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "8nkv1l", "comment_id": "dzwrymj"}, {"question": "I hate being treated like a criminal just to go get my incredibly necessary meds", "description": "Hi fellow brokebrains,\n\nI'm on a dose of 2x Adderall 20mg XR per day with a 5mg Adderall IR as needed and every time I have to renew my prescription I have to go to the doctor, physically bring the prescription paper to the pharmacy, hope that it's within the 3 day buffer period for allowing me to refill a schedule II controlled substance, hope that the pharmacy doesn't have someone new working that's unfamiliar with my prescriptions and decide I'm a drug dealer selling it on the street (I've encountered that twice in five years), wait for the government regulation checks to clear, wait for the insurance checks to clear, AND THEN I get my monthly prescription after a $30 payment.\n\nJust to feel normal. I'm so tired", "answer": "I just got switched to an E script for 60 days. Hopefully I can eventually get to 90 days.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "eo80eo", "comment_id": "fe9zd76"}, {"question": "It's Just Not Working", "description": "I found an AA meeting close to the house next Tuesday. I obviously am not going to be able to do this on my own or with just the help of this Subreddit (It's not you, it's me!). I've been pretty resistant to AA but at this point I think it's time to start looking at different options. \n\nI think it's time to start looking at the very real possibility that maybe I'm resistant to AA - not because they're all religious and stuff -  but because it will actually inspire a real change and commitment instead of just talking about it all the time.\n\nI don't know.\n\nHelp?", "answer": "Not to force AA on you, but have you been working the steps? Just going to meetings is not the idea behind the program. If you expect to see results from just going to meetings, I wouldn't bet on it. Message me if you'd like some specifics.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1il54k", "comment_id": "cb5iqwm"}, {"question": "For worried students", "description": "I was at university from 2013 to 2016. I lived in halls in first year and a shared houses in second and third year. During first and second year I lived with with six other students; shared bathrooms, shared kitchen, everything. I shared glasses during drinking games. I went out to bars and clubs. I rode on buses. I ate at cafes on campus. I was much less careful about hand-washing and weird food and not touching my face then too, and I also worked at a supermarket during the school holidays.\n\nI never got sick the whole three years. Not once.\n\nNobody I lived with got sick from anything other than drinking too much except one girl I lived with in third year - and even that wasn't really a \"tummy bug\". There were five of us in that house and no one else caught whatever she had.\n\nIf a bunch of students who have, at best, a vague grasp of basic hygiene practices managed avoid getting sick, you're probably fine.", "answer": "Hey, we had the exact same college years :)", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "eri9c0", "comment_id": "ff51we6"}, {"question": "I'd Like To Know How to Start Confronting Derealization", "description": "It is very hard to put into words how it feels, but I am going to try to pin it; The episodes are frightening. In the moment, it feels like I am desperately trying to wake myself up from a dream.\n\nYou know when you're in a dream and start becoming lucid, and realize it isnt real and mentally struggle your consciousness awake? The episodes feel like that, except reality is the dream and I have to escape it.  In the moment, it feels like I am struggling to wake myself up, and it's terrifying because it feels like dying. I say dying because, in my head I know I am not asleep. Its disconcerting to feel like you are trying to wake up from the waking world. Its sickening because you realize that can only mean that reality is not real. That where I am existing consciously, it isnt real, that life isnt real and I need to wake up/escape. But I am convinced if I do it successfully it means I am going to deatch my consciousness from my body and I will die. Like my body will just stop breathing without me in it and I dont know for sure if I really will wake up to someyhing else, or if I will just make a irreparable mistake and wont be able to go back. That uncertainity makes me panic. It feels like I am both struggling to escape and struggling to stay attached at the same time. \n\nMy body has physical symptoms. Which later I realized match those of a panic attack. My heart beats so hard it hurts, I get these awful pressure headaches, I feel weak/nauseous/lightheaded. \n\nAfter the episodes the feeling of being detached sort of persists for a bit. You know that voice you had as a kid that tells you the bump in the night is a boogeyman in your bed? That voice tells me Im feeling floaty and weird because my consciousness nearly got ripped from my body and, for the moment, doesnt feel 'right' again being back in it. \n\nI ground myself by breathing slowly and recalling 'real' sensations, like the smell of earth, or the feeling of grass in my hands.\n\nWhen I come back to normal, I feel fine. Rational. But it can take a while to feel that way. Sometimes I feel like I'm sort of just on autopilot, waiting for things to feel normal again. \n\nWhen I rationalize I know this is because of my depression. I have always thought I can deal with it well but recently I have become aware that something has changed, cant really put my finger on what, but in any case I am not dealing well with the struggles I used to be able to overcome. Its beckme very overwhelming, stressful, I am more anxious and have depressive bouts.\n\nAt a point two years ago I had only one episode, which I legitmately freaked out over. My first time experiencing anything like it. I had some rare moments of existential crisis where I might sort of become aware that I am literally just thoughts trapped inside a skull and one day the body will expire and I dont know what will happen to me. THAT freaks me out. But that was the first time I ever really experienced the sort of thing I just described as a derealization episode. At that time I thought I had choked in my sleep and nearly died, or that something was trying to possess my body by catching me in my sleep and trying to push me out of it (again. that weird imaginative voice that comes up with reasons for the unexplainable).\n\nNow I know more about derealization, it releives me to know that it is a shared condition among other people, even if not every experience is the same. That I am not actually going insane and all these weird things I think are happening are as explainable as sleep paralysis. \n\nBut right now I just came out of a particularly intense episode. I am worried because, after snapping out of it now, I am just realizing that I am after all not coping well with my depression and anxiety. And I dont know how to follow up on it. \n\nWhen you realized something was wrong, did you go to a therapist? Your normal GP? Is there medication I can take? What did you do to take the first steps in getting help? I worry they will think I'm making it all up, or that they wont take me seriously. But I think its come to a point where I need to out those fears and concerns aside because its become too much to bear now.\n\nI know I need some outside help but I feel sorta lost. I read your posts about feeling alone because theres no one to talk to who understands--no one in my life has probably even heard of it, or would have advice about what to do, or share the experience.\n\nIts disconcerting. I dont know much about Derealization to begin with I guess. When I was coming out of this episode about 3 hours ago, I stressed that I might actually snap, lose touch with my rationale, completely lose control and autonomy of my body and mind. I worry I might lose my sanity and be put into a ward to care for me because I am stuck in this perception of nothing being real (has that ever happened to anyone? Permanantly become stuck in an episode?) and unable to function real-world. \n\nIn any case I guess I'm just looking to hear how you first went about approaching/confronting your derealization for the first time. \n\nMore about your coping mechanisms and lifestyle strategies. It might help me out. \n\nI'm super freaking tired now and so I will sleep and revisit this tomorrow. Its Sunday tomorrow, so whatever steps I take will have to wait till Monday.\n\nUgh. Stay clear guys. XO", "answer": "Your post really helped me, thanks for sharing your insights. I love the  connections you made to the dream state and sleep paralysis. \n\nI have a psychiatrist that I see for therapy that has helped me a ton. She is a meditator with a lot of Buddhist training which helps but I don't think it's necessary. There are some medications that help some people at least. I find a lot of help from spiritual study though it can also be quite ungrounding so it helps to have a teacher that understands both the existential side and the need to stay grounded. I found this post to be really helpful too:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/derealization/comments/brhe2y/ive_had_dpdr_for_over_6_years_and_have_been_fully/\n\nI think for me, the problem isn't that I don't fully know what is true, but that I have this intense need to figure out and know what is true. It feels so urgent and critical, and like until I can understand and figure things out, I am in great danger. But in fact, there is so much that we cannot know, that no one knows. I often feel like I need to know everything and I feel as though I cannot trust anything until I can know for sure (which actually wouldn't require any trust at all). Or I feel like I do have some important existential thing figured out, and what I have figured out is terrifying, way too terrifying to live with/accept. When I am feeling this anxious need to know and figure things out, I tell myself over and over, I don't know and that's ok. I remind myself that it's ok not to know what is real. It's ok that my reality is different than anyone else's and that their reality is different from anyone else's as well. Everything I fear may or may not be true, and that's ok. I'm going to die someday and that's ok. I don't know what that'll be like or what comes after and that's ok. Trying to practice acceptance, a willingness to not know everything, and perhaps some trust that I don't actually need to know everything and never can is helpful and calming to me. I also try to focus on very practical things that I know will help ground me and experience life more healthily -- eating better, drinking water, getting regular sleep, getting some physical activity in, interacting with other people, journaling, meditating, etc. Even though it can be hard to believe they will help or do anything at all, you have to try to remember that that is your depression and obsession and anxiety lying to you. They will help stabilize you and grow into a stronger and healthier person. Good luck to you.", "topic": "dpdr", "post_id": "e3wttv", "comment_id": "f96esax"}, {"question": "[11F] Daughter with ADHD has developed motor tics", "description": "This question is about my daughter.\n\n***************************************************\n**Age**: 11\n\n**Sex**: F\n\n**Height**: 5 ft. (153cm)\n\n**Weight**: 73lbs (33.34kg)\n\n**Race**: Caucasian\n\n**Primary complaint**: Newly developed motor tics\n\n**Duration**: Rare (and and the time unrecognized) motor tics going back at least 6 months or longer, very pronounced increase in frequency of motor tics within the last week.\n\n**Existing medical issues**: ADHD, diagnosed by Pediatric Neurologist on 9/20/2018 (weird coincidence, exactly 1 year ago today)\n\n**Current medications and doses**: Quillichew ER 25mg, 1x per day in the morning\n\nNo drinking, smoking or drug use.\n***************************************\n\nMy daughter was diagnosed with ADHD 1 year ago.  Since that time she has been taking Quillichew.  After a little bit of adjustment she settled on 25mg/day as the apparent optimum dosage that helps her with executive function while not impacting her sleep and anxiety levels to much.  This medication has been highly effective at helping her!\n\nFor most of the year she has taken a dose every day except 1 day on the weekend.  We take this break because we were hoping to prevent or delay any tolerance build-up and to keep an eye on how she is doing without medication.\n\nFor most of the last year I have noticed the occasional motor tic from her.  Excessive blinking, shoulder shrugging, grimacing, neck stretching.  However, I did not really understand what I was seeing at the time and it was so infrequent that I just disregarded it.\n\nLast week she got sick with a mild cold.  Nothing to bad.  A very mild fever.  A very light cough and some tiredness and grumpiness.  At the same time she **really** started showing alot of motor tics.  So many that my wife and I started to do some online research and then recognized it for what it actually was.\n\nA trip to doctors office had us sitting down with a Pediatric Neurologist NP who told us that she didn't think this was a side effect of Quillichew.  She seemed to indicate the motor tics might be a comorbidity with ADHD or possibly that Quillichew lowered the threshold.  She recommended CBT and CBRT.  She also recommends that we don't do the \"off\" day from Quillichew on the weekend.  She advised that we do not call attention to the tics.\n\nI'm looking for some other opinions.  It's **not** that I think the Pediatric Neurologist NP is wrong.  I honestly just don't know.\n\nAny advice?  Should we switch to a non-stimulant medication?  Should we stay the course and take her to CBT? How much could the cold and recent school stress be a complicating factor?  Did Quillichew cause this?  Will it go away if we stop the medication?  Will it get worse?", "answer": "Tics and ADHD are often comorbid\u2014they appear in the same people. Tics can be caused or unmasked by stimulates, but also coincidental. It light be worth trying a drug holiday and seeing what happens. Because tics can come and go, it\u2019s less enlightening if it goes away without Quillichew and more suggestive if the tics persist on days your daughter doesn\u2019t take it.\n\nThe fact that it became worse with illness suggests, but not definitively, that this is driven by at least not only medication.\n\nAnd as always, there\u2019s a risks and benefits discussion. How severe is her ADHD and how much does Quillichew help? How severe are the tics? What might be done to manage them (whether or not Quillichew is causing them)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d70799", "comment_id": "f0wyf1e"}, {"question": "Fantasy??Megalomania?? Help me out to define this mental state.", "description": "I don't know how to define this, so please help me out.\nWhen I listen to music or watch a music video, I identify with a player and fantasize about my playing the instrument. I deeply absorb myself in this fantasy and get really high. Is this a mental symptom? What is this called? ", "answer": "just sounds like you have an active imagination. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "416rzt", "comment_id": "cz0dfhq"}, {"question": "Took a risk tonight", "description": "So my boyfriend brought back fresh fish from where his parents live in California to where we live in the Midwest. He flew it back. He has done this several times before and it\u2019s always been fine. They vacuum seal the fish and freeze it, then pack it in freezer packs. Usually, the fish is still frozen solid when he arrives back in the Midwest. However, this time, it was thawed. Still cold, like felt refrigerator-temperature, but not frozen. Maybe because he had a long layover this time. When he got back from the airport, we put the fish directly in the freezer.\n\nWe cooked some of the salmon up tonight. We ate it about 5 hours ago. Of course, I\u2019ve been jumpy ever since. I\u2019m proud of myself for going for it and eating the salmon, but now my stomach is all gurgly. I don\u2019t even have a stomach ache or throat n* - just the gassiness. Should I be okay?", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to respond! :) that\u2019s a good point about the gurgles being more of a stress thing. I like the idea of reminding myself that this is temporary. I\u2019m still feeling fine today!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ejt5qj", "comment_id": "fd2l043"}, {"question": "Me [23/m] don\u00b4t know how to deal with ex-girlfriend [22/f]", "description": "Hello,\n\nI want to share with you about my experience and ask what you would do in my place. As the title says, I have some problems with a former girlfriend, specifically I do not know what relationship I should keep with her.\nWe broke up in late February, after a brief but intense relationship. Our feelings were mutual, but on her part it began to cool down over time. She started to avoid me, repeatedly advise me to find someone else, emphasizing that we only few things in common, and all the time she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend, with whom she could go back together. When this uncertainty in relationship was no longer bearable, I decided to tell her my doubts, even though I knew it would end with a break up.\n\nShe recoverd relatively easily because she was emotionally involved in someone else but it was very hard for me. Even after the break up, we spent a lot of time together (her new/old boyfriend works abroad) as if nothing had happened. Actually, she contacted me a few hours after we broke up, and then when she later admitted she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, as if nothing had happened. I tried to accept everything, respect her decision, move on and have a friendly relations with her. But I was just lying myself, hoping to rekindle our relationship. Until recently, I was in a vicious circle in which I repeatedly fell in love with her, only to be disappointed with her statement or a mention of her boyfriend.\n\nI have realized, that can\u00b4t keep up with this anymore, and I decided to stop communicating with her. We are already communicating much less than before, we meet occasionally... and I feel better. I do not think of what happened, where the error happened, and I feel I'm growing as a person. But I also feel remorse against her and our common past, when I get away from her life in this way. I do not want act as I can\u00b4t control my feelings and doing unnecessary scenes. Most of the time in my life I\u00b4am trying to be reasonable and act as a grown-up, but sometimes it\u00b4s not possible, and I've probably come across my limit.\n\nIf I did not do that, there two possible scenarios of our relationship. I would either fall in love with her again only to be dissapointed again, or I would start to hate her and I really don\u00b4t wish for this, because despite the things she did to me, she is a great person with amazing character. However, I have encountered my personal limit, and I do not think I can maintain friendly relations with her without losing my hope of reviving my relationship.\n\nDo you think I'm doing well if I get out of her life like that? What would you do in my place? Do you have similar experience like me?\n\nThank you in advance for readings and answers.", "answer": "Yes. You're doing fine cutting her off. Move on with your life!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh9lk", "comment_id": "di2lc4b"}, {"question": "my SO has been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes...", "description": "I am really worried and we need help. We are expecting our third child. She is 24 years old, and doesn't have a great diet. She really only likes eating mostly sugar. It was something that we were both aware that could happen, but now that it is, we don't know exactly the next steps to take. I thought it would be a good idea to see a nutritionist and get a diet plan that would be specifically tailored for her and the babies needs. Is that something that is even really possible? I am assuming its entirely up to us figuring out a healthier diet, and maybe an exercise plan. Neither of us cook, and usually eating involves quick fixes. Every pregnancy involves her getting really big. I think our first baby she gained around 80 pounds. Both babies were and are very healthy. The word diabetes scares me, and I want to get on the best plan possible . Short term we are planning on cutting all sugary products out. Is this helpful? We just went through our house and tossed away all the candy and doughnuts and stuff. My biggest question is if we are cutting out all sugars, what the heck does she eat? She was telling me that even bread and pasta is carbs, which your body turns to sugar? I don't know alot about this, I am lucky to have a faster metabolism, and don't particularly even like sweets. Seems like changing her entire eating habits is going to be hard, and im not sure the best foot to put forward...", "answer": "Just to clarify, who has diagnosed gestational diabetes? Did you not get advice from them at the time?\n\nIt depends on severity. My SO also got this, and hers was such that she needed insulin to control it, despite a very healthy diet.\n\nYou need to get specific advice from a health professional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xhyjf", "comment_id": "d6fngd3"}, {"question": "Please list things I should do to get friends, because clearly what I'm doing now is not working.", "description": "Please list things I should do to get friends, because clearly what I'm doing now is not working.  Here is what I have been doing:\n\n- Having open body language\n- Being kind, happy, empathetic, and positive at all times\n- Smiling (genuinely).  A drink or two is involved if I'm feeling anxious.\n- Finding things in common as quickly as possible (still working on hacks for this, but I try)\n- Being interesting, having lots of hobbies and things to talk about (music, art, fashion, activities, experiences/adventures, etc)\n- Telling stories and being good at not what I'm saying, but how I say it\n- Trying to \"add value\" to friendships and showing ways or things I can help them with in the future\n- Let them do at least 60% of the talking unless they are asking me questions\n- Genuinely care about their lives and what they have to say (I do)\n- Looking / dressing like I fit in to the crowd.  And having good hygiene obviously\n- Following up with people I feel like I've \"clicked\" with (although I guess I'm not a good judge of this)\n\nI mean, what else can I do?  Why are my results so poor?  Is this just normal?  I mean, if I feel like I had a good time around someone, why would they not feel the same?  Unless they are acting sociopaths...  \n\nI can't understand why I can't make or keep friends.  I don't come off like I'm trying too hard...  What else can I do?", "answer": "What do you do when you follow up with people that you've clicked with?\n\nAlso, do you ever host or plan events? Something that I've found is very effective for me in making friends is planning an event, and then inviting several people that I know who would all get along with each other. For instance, I knew several nerdy guys who I knew would probably enjoy Dungeons and Dragons, so I invited them to come play D+D with me, and that game ended up being the source of many friendships.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3i8pp7", "comment_id": "cufho9s"}, {"question": "Wife pregnant with affair...What to do?", "description": "We are a married couple for 4 years, with no kids. We were seeing each other for 7 years before that. Wife initially started our conversation that she wanted a divorce because she was not attracted to me anymore. Later on, she admitted that she was seeing someone (Mr.X) and she had committed the worst thing ever. They had sex few times and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. I do not know what to do. She might be emotionally involved with Mr.X and she needs to talk to him about the pregnancy..if she needs to abort it or want to keep it ? I am very devastated with all this and want a divorce, because it seems to be messy situation. I can not speak to anyone about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic. If it was only an affair, I could have thought twice of giving this a second chance. But knowing she is pregnant, it feels terrible. \nI do not know what to do...Looking for some advice here...please help, im devastated. Should I give her a second chance and forget what happened OR get a separation and make my own way out of this ?\n\nEdit : I do not plan to raise the other man's kid. If we choose to give it another chance, she would have to drop the kid, since its only 6 weeks it's only a pill abort. I feel horrible to say this, but for reasons I would not want to raise someone's else kid.", "answer": "so sorry..... no easy answer here.  everyone is different when it comes to forgiveness. i would definitely see a marriage counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pst0i", "comment_id": "dctj3bu"}, {"question": "Asking questions, backfiring. ", "description": "I have encountered many people who don't take kind to the whole 30% talking/70% listening approach. While a lot of people like talking about themselves, I have found some don't. \n\nFor example here is a convo I had with a person at work:\n\nMe: Hi\nHer: Hi\nMe: So how is school going?\nHer: Stressed about work and soccer.\nMe: You play soccer, what position? I use to play. \nHer: Defender, I use to play forward.\nMe: Why don't you play forward anymore?\nHer: (long story)\nMe: Gotcha. How long you been playing for\nHer: (long story)\n\nFew days later I hear her telling people I'm nosy. Has anyone else encountered this?", "answer": "You need to balance asking about them with sharing about yourself. If you only talk about yourself, you come across as self-centered. If you only ask them questions, you come across as nosy. If you balance the two, then you have great conversations.\n\nThis concept is explained in detail in this [conversation guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "z8ait", "comment_id": "c62us76"}, {"question": "BOUNDARIES", "description": "I want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "Very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? If you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "ffi1b9g"}, {"question": "How to handle my non-ADHD friends using stimulants (college)", "description": "**TL;DR: Should I be upset that my close, non-ADHD friends are abusing adderall as a study drug? Looking for advice/shared experience/sanity check**\n\nHey everyone,\n\nFirst order of business: Love/super grateful for this subreddit; long-time lurker, first-time poster, etc.\n\nNow, I'm hoping you guys can help me think through this -- I've been really conflicted about it for a while, and I'm not sure how to feel or what to do, if anything. \n\nSo, here's the situation: I'm currently a sophomore at a big, competitive/stressful college. Two of my pretty good friends -- both of whom know I have ADHD and have heard me talk about some of the difficulties of managing it while at school -- have recently been abusing adderall (not mine) in order to pull 12 hour study sessions pre-final exams. \n\nWhen I first found out about this, it made me really, really upset, but I found it very difficult to articulate exactly why. I'm using this post to kind of think out loud/work through my feelings about this in a space where I can get a sanity check/advice from people who have maybe dealt with something similar or at least understand where I'm coming from.\n\nSo my feeling more broadly about stimulant abuse for an \"academic edge\" (which is incredibly common at my school, unfortunately) is that my medication gets me to a NT's productivity level unmedicated; why is it fair that they get to make the playing field uneven again? But also, these are **good** friends of mine. I've confided in them, they've confided in me; I think of them as good people, and as people that I can trust, and I feel like in doing this they've betrayed me in some way. I just feel like they should know better -- it's one thing if it's stupid frat boys that I don't know snorting adderall (still sucks, but what can you do), but these are my friends. I know saying it's a \"betrayal\" is pretty strong language, but I can't help but feel that in abusing the meds for something as (comparatively) trivial as being able to study for 12 hours instead of, like, 8, when I need my meds to basically hold every aspect of my life together somehow makes light of how difficult ADHD can be. I also feel like when regular people use stimulants like this, they start to think that that is what ADHD people use stimulants for, too -- like they might be the ones missing out on some advantage while people with ADHD get a leg up.\n\nI think part of my frustration also comes from how complicated my relationship to my medication was/is. I struggled a huge amount with feeling like I was deficient in some way for being dependent on my medication; I would take \"breaks\" to try and prove to myself that I didn't need it and inevitably end up feeling like a failure; my first medication made me incredibly unhappy (so many panic attacks! No emotions!), etc -- I can't count the number of times I've wished that I didn't have to be on stimulants to live the life I want. So for them to just casually take adderall and be super productive without dealing with any of the shit surrounding the label of a diagnosis and the stigma of being medicated just really rubs me the wrong way, and makes me feel sad. I don't want them to think after doing adderall for a little bit that it's some magical pill that makes you into a productivity machine and fixes everything, because that's just so not true.\n\nAlso note: I'm no doctor but I know pretty much for sure that one of these friends does not have undiagnosed ADHD; I've been to enough libraries with her/seen her work to be fairly certain. There is a possibility that my other friend could have undiagnosed ADHD; I'm less angry at her, for obvious reasons, but still think that if she's struggling enough to start paying for illegal stimulants, she should go get a diagnosis (she has the means)\n\nI don't know, is it crazy to expect them to understand how hurtful this was? Should I talk to them about it? (The more I think about it, I'm not actually sure that they would understand -- also, clearly whoever they got their adderall from doesn't give a shit about it, so maybe I am making too big a deal of it?) I don't know!! Please help, am I overreacting? Sorry for the length, any advice/input/stories/support would be really appreciated. ", "answer": "\u201cI just want you to know that, by abusing this medication, you make it more difficult for those who legitimately need it to access it.\u201d", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a51p8t", "comment_id": "ebj6px9"}, {"question": "Abandonment by primary parent", "description": "I don't know if this is allowed, please let me know if not.\n\nWhat would you expect to see in a child and/or adult who had been raised almost entirely by one parent until the age of 10-11 and was then abruptly and voluntarily abandoned by that parent?\n\nIs there a...I don't know, symptom profile for parental abandonment, especially primary caregiver, that looks different or can be teased out somehow from other forms of child abuse? Are there types of issues that are more likely as a result of that compared to instability in a home but where parents stuck around?", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry that happened to you. That would be incredibly hard.  I would say it\u2019s definitely dependent on the individual person how it affects them. A really common one is the effect on attachment which can impact relationships throughout life, unless they are able to form a secure attachment to someone else which can help to heal that. Attachment difficulties lead to feelings of not being good enough which trigger fears of abandonment and rejection. How that plays out in relationships can be how the person then reacts to triggers and perceived threats to emotional and physical safety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvhlcz", "comment_id": "fmj2gc7"}, {"question": "Do I have depression that could be fixed with prescription amphetamines?", "description": "I recently quit smoking and drinking. Now, I'm feeling tired all the time.  My brain feels foggy like it's working way more slowly than it should. \n\nPlus, I don't feel energized from caffeine anymore, and I feel sad all the time.  \nAlso, I find it really difficult to sleep at night even though I wake up early to work out.  \n\nWould amphetamines be something that could help me? If so, who can I talk to in order to have them prescribed to me? \n\nAlso I'm a 21 year old male. ", "answer": "Give it time. If it hasn't resolved, a trial of antidepressants might be useful (or computerised CBT: www.moodgym.org).\n\nAgree with others, amphetamines aren't evidenced to be of long term benefit, and I doubt it's in your best interests anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56fhbt", "comment_id": "d8kqn3g"}, {"question": "I feel really terrible all the time. I don' get along with people at all, and I feel like just giving up on everything.", "description": "I don't know what's wrong with me. No matter what I try to do I can't make new friends, I can't get girls, and I just don't fit in anywhere. I've even started to doubt my relations with my best friend. Am I just a narcissist? Can it be that I'm just so unpleasant to be around that no one can find a positive trait they can like? I'm probably being too broad, but, I just feel like shit. I've thought about killing myself, but I don't have the courage to do it. Everytime I really think about doing it, I just pussy out. I don't get any farther than a thought, and it's made me think that I like to be pitied, even to the point to were I threaten *myself* with suicide. Can anyone help me? Do I need to be more specific? ", "answer": "Have you thought about seeing a counselor? A counselor could probably help you understand better what you're feeling and help give you strategies for dealing with it and getting to a happy place.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xc2yo", "comment_id": "c5llm79"}, {"question": "Recreational Cannabis Usage While On Low Doses Of Sertraline", "description": "How likely is a young man in his early 20s of average weight and above average height to experience ill effects of smoking cannabis once every month or so while continually taking Sertraline 50mg? What type of ill effects are to be expected if likely and are they likely to be fatal?\n\nTL;DR Am I gonna die if I get high this weekend?", "answer": "You're not gonna die.\n\nCannabis use tends to worsen anxiety chronically, but I don't know of anything suggestive about very occasional recreational use with or without SSRIs. It's probably as safe as cannabis for anyone, which is to say mostly but not entirely safe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aqevte", "comment_id": "egfj6kc"}, {"question": "Help! A relative of mine believes he's God", "description": "He started behaving very strangely yesterday. Quoting holy text, then berating family members for not being religious enough. He claims that God is inside him and at the same time he's a slave of God. Claims such as everyone being hypocrites except his wife's Grandmother followed...among everything else.\n\nHe further believes he's on a mission of global peace and today he said he knew how to defeat the Antichrist. We're taking him to a doctor today, but I'd like to know if any of you ladies/gentlemen have seen cases like this before. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!\n\nEdit: Just wanted to point out that he doesn't exhibit any violent tendencies except raising his voice occasionally at people who disagree with his views. He also has sleep issues (sleeps from 10 pm to 1 am) and then starts praying and doesn't sleep for the rest of the day. He's been preaching at work too so his boss put him on a leave of absence.", "answer": "Sometimes people who believe they are God or have the spirit of God can take more risks than they normally would.  For instance I know a case where someone believed they were God and could fly, so they jumped off of a 1 story roof.  They are fine, but the point is if there is a delusion of thinking they can not or will not die if they engage in dangerous behaviors, they may be more likely to do so.   Based on what you described I feel that at this time he is not in danger of engaging in risk taking behavior but, it is something to be aware of.  \n\nEdit: don't ask if they feel like they are invincible, wait till it comes up if at all.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scp9q", "comment_id": "cnop0h4"}, {"question": "Teen daughter depression and anxiety or bipolar", "description": "I\u2019m so lost we have no family it\u2019s just my husband myself and our children so I have no one to help me through or offer advice.\nMy eldest daughter was put on lexapro for anxiety and depression she asked the doctor to change it as she had some big memory lapses as in taking things and not remembering she did it. \nShe sees a psychologist, however because of privacy I cannot be told anything, all I get is what my daughter tells me which is not much so I\u2019m going out of my mind.\nMy concerns are firstly I feel in my gut something is not ok with her.\nSince taking the ssris her moods have been odd, stays away from home every chance she gets. The memory issues as above. Lying, friendship problems this has always been on going. Tonight after no sleep last night because she was staying with a friend she was happy then irritable, non relational, cleaning out her draws , things that\u2019s out of normal for her. I was upset and she showed no emotion.\nShe mentioned she feels like she is going crazy.\nI know this I vague I\u2019m exhausted. I just can\u2019t put my finger on what\u2019s up with her. \nI\u2019m so scared this is bipolar, would her psychologist have pick up on this if she was?\nCan the ssris have an effect like this?", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe doesn't sound like a normal response to escitalopram (lexapro). Please have your daughter see her psychiatrist promptly.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvsfoc", "comment_id": "f7gjb5a"}, {"question": "My BF [26/M] of 4 years threatens to break up with me [27/F] almost every other night over petty arguments.", "description": "We've not been getting along lately. He will prolong any minor disagreement we have into a huge problem, cursing at me, insulting me, and threatening to break up with me as a result. \n\nTonight, I was working on a visa application and I had to focus. We have a small apartment, so we are constantly forced to share the same small living quarters. He was blasting music for several hours, and a couple of times I asked him to turn it down, when I had something to tell him, but then he'd return to playing it loudly. He was playing music that he thought I would like, which was sweet, but it was also starting to get on my nerves, and I just wanted to focus on the application. I suddenly reacted very bodily to a particular song that I found annoying and piercing, by grabbing my ears and closing my eyes and exclaiming something along the lines of \"aaah! Please turn it down. I can't listen to this anymore. Can you just turn the music off for, like, 20 minutes please so that I can add up these numbers?\" To which he had a terrible reaction to, total overkill. He turned it off and then started to complain about me, going on and on about my \"childish tantrum\" (it was less than a minute). So, I said, \"Look it's not a big deal, all I asked was for you to turn it off for 20 minutes, heck, turn it off for just 10! I just need a breather from all of this noise.\" But, he wouldn't stop. He kept insulting me, calling me names, saying I was impossible--on and on and on. \n\nThen he forced me to leave the living room and sit in our hot AC-less bedroom, where there is not even a WiFi connection. I did, just so that he would stop, but after a few minutes I couldn't take it. When I came back out, I sat quietly at a desk that was on the opposite end of the couch, so that I wouldn't be in his way, but he nevertheless started going on and on again, with the cursing, the yelling, the insults, throwing dishes into the sink, just because I was in his line of vision. He told me hates me and can't stand the sight of me and that this is all pretend. He told me it's over, but I know that tomorrow he'll probably take it back, as this is the way it has been for the past three years, since we've moved in together. \n\nI am so sick of this kind of treatment. But I also feel stuck. We just renewed our apartment lease one week ago for 6 more months. I have a new job lined up, beginning on Monday. I know that I could maybe find a way to just leave this all, if I really had to, but I feel like if I finally made the effort to leave him, since he hates me so much, he'd come back crying to me, telling me he loves me, and that would be hard as I do love him too--we were college sweethearts before rekindling our relationship in our early-mid twenties. I also know that if I finally gathered the confidence and strength to leave him, I could never allow myself to look back, and I'm scared to lose him forever. I don't know. \n\nWhat should I do? I feel like I don't even know how to properly see or react to these things anymore. I just want some outside perspective. I am at a loss. I used to blame myself for his behavior but I am beginning to see that he causes a lot of drama over what could be arguments that last no longer than a few minutes in normal relationships. Even this evening, I tried to reason with him when he first started getting really upset over my \"tantrum\" by explaining that I perhaps had a dramatic guttural reaction to the music but that it was a combination of trying to focus with the music, and that it's not a big deal ... but, he wouldn't listen. He kept on and got worse, and used it as another opportunity to tell me how worthless I am and how much he hates me. \n\nPlease help. ", "answer": "he's very immature. this won't work", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzy8n", "comment_id": "dloxmmh"}, {"question": "Is not having sex a deal breaker?", "description": "So I met this guy [18/M] about a year ago. We started dating about 2 months after we met and things were perfect. We are so alike and have amazing conversations. I, [19/F], am very hesitant about having sex because I've had bad experiences. Since the beginning of the relationship, I told him I wouldn't sleep with him, I explained my reasons and he was very understanding. We would engage in fore play and fool around here and there.  However, after about 9 months together, he started becoming very distant from one day to the next. This went on for 3 weeks. I'd try to contact him, take him food and be supportive but he wasn't responding. Thus, we broke up a few days ago. I kept asking if the reason behind it was that I wouldn't sleep with him, but he never really said yes or no. \nSo my question is, is sex really such an important component of a relationship? Do you all think the break up was my fault? ", "answer": "There's simply not enough for anyone to answer your question here. Yes, no sex can be a deal-breaker. Sex is a vital part of most relationships. There's no way of knowing whether it was in your situation, though.\n\nIt will get better with time. I know you're questioning yourself right now, but don't let that change what's important to you. If you want to wait for sex, wait. There are guys out there that will be happy to support that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70ojb4", "comment_id": "dn4om6o"}, {"question": "We have a friend staying with us who we think has schizophrenia. We are in a situation right now and need some advice...", "description": "**Background**:\n\nMy parents teach at a university in Tanzania. A year and a half ago, a student in our department (which is relatively small, around 30 students) started to become extremely paranoid. Visions, hearing voices, stuff like that. She came to us about it and we agreed to take her in.\n\nIf she was experiencing any of this before, she was really great at hiding it. She went from a mostly happy person to a paranoid and timid person. Not to say that she's never happy anymore, but she was a lot more cheerful back before this started.\n\nAnyways, back to the chain of events. She started keeping her phone off at all times and didn't want to let anyone see her except for us. She stayed in her room most of the time, although she was very helpful around the house. Shortly after she started staying with us, she graduated, and we agreed to let her continue to stay with us for a while longer. She continued to be very seclusive, although she has opened up a little now.\n\nA short while later she started leaving to go someplace (we don't know where, she described it to me recently as her \"safe place\") and she claimed to have started to receive messages from God. Some were relatively harmless, but others harmed her (not physically). For example, shortly after graduating, she got a wonderful job opportunity, and we went through all this work helping her quit her old job. Soon after, though, she got a \"message\" telling her to NOT take the job, and so she immediately turned it down.\n\nThat was queer, but the queerest thing that happened was a few months ago (around Easter IIRC), when she suddenly decided to change her name. It was quite surprising to us. She absolutely refuses to answer to her old name at all, except for people who hadn't yet been notified of the change (who she immediately notified). There wasn't really that much of a personality change that came with the name change, however; it seems that it was just her name that changed.\n\nAnyways, currently she is living with us, going by her new name only, still pretty timid, still disappearing every afternoon. She is a little more open now, going places with us occasionally, etc, and she seems to generally act okay most of the time - by just talking to her you wouldn't think anything's wrong with her. In terms of relatives, her father is dead, her mother is, I'm told, mentally ill, and she was raised and cared for by her aunt as a child. She is 32 years old.\n\n**The situation:**\n\n(to avoid confusion I will henceforth refer to our friend as \"M\")\n\nM's aunt somehow got wind of M's suspected illness - either through a concerned ex-roommate of M's, or simply figuring it out herself with M's phone being off and such. She told us that she would come to pick M up and take her (home I guess). We think that something does need to happen before M makes to many bad decisions, and this \"intervention\" may be the right thing. We managed to avoid confrontation tonight due to some campus rule about not being allowed to take people from campus in the evening or something, and we're supposed to take M to a safe location (local police station) to \"transfer\" M to her aunt in the morning.\n\nKeep in mind that M, at this point in time, doesn't know anything. Apparently the last time her aunt came, her hands started to shake uncontrollably. I didn't know about this previous visit until a few minutes ago, so if more information is needed in this respect I'll ask.\n\nNow, she trusts us (I'm pretty sure), but she might become uneasy about being suddenly asked to come with us in the car. We do NOT want to do a \"trick\" or lie to get her to the station, but we're unsure how to go about this another way.\n\n**Please:**\n\n* Are we doing the right thing?\n\n* If so, are there any suggestions on how to get M to come? Do we tell her what's happening right away and hope she doesn't resist? Tricks/lies are not an option, that's just wrong.\n\n* If not, what should we do? Some sort of \"intervention\" does need to happen before the situation gets out of hand. The name change and turning down the great job opportunity may just be the start.\n\n* Does this sound like schizophrenia or something else?\n\nI'm posting this at 10:30PM local time, at around 7-7:30 AM tomorrow morning a decision has to have been made. We just really want more opinions on what needs to happen, as tonight my father already consulted with many people, including the head of the campus guards, the provost, and another teacher.", "answer": "It sounds like Schizophrenia could be a possibility, along with a few other mental illnesses.\n\nWhat does the aunt plan to do? M needs to see a doctor ASAP and get treatment before this causes any more problems or bad decisions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2b8d2i", "comment_id": "cj2sr88"}, {"question": "Terribly frightened when I have a hangover.", "description": "Don\u2019t know why but for the past year or so every time I drink I\u2019m fine and can handle more alcohol than most. But the problem is the next day I am so scared like terrified. It\u2019s gotten to the point where I have sudden big surges of fear like I\u2019m going drop dead at any moment, does anyone know what\u2019s happening to me.", "answer": "I know this feeling all to well. Once this starts happening, you\u2019re starting to experience alcohol withdrawals. My nerves were shot every time I drank after this started happening. Then I started drinking to ease my nerves and that sense of terror and impending doom. After that I stopped being a functional alcoholic and wound up drinking around the clock. The progression is happening my man; only gets worse from here unless you stop...much worse.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "d7w1t1", "comment_id": "f15gh23"}, {"question": "Marriage advice pls!", "description": "I am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...Although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...Almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? Thanks..", "answer": "He's an alcoholic. Only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. Give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "docy5oe"}, {"question": "The detrimentally discriminative practices of insurance companies against ADHD patients > 18 => Prior authorization horror stories anyone?", "description": "I'm incredibly frustrated right now and not the first time!  I'm sorry if this is a post that appears on here often - I don't have the patience to check right now (ha).\n\nFirst it needs to be obtained in person from the doctor each and every fucking time.  Then it needs to be on a handwritten prescription pad. Only then does one find out it needs to be prior authorized by the doctor...at which point I'm both unable to work and puking my guts out from the binging I've been doing.  Thanks United Health Care!\n     \nI'm taking Vyvanse, or rather *I'd like to be* taking Vyvanse because the one time I was able to finally obtain it (legally) it seemed to help...and very little helps.  And it actually helped for two of my disorders: ADHD and binge eating...it't great my life does not revolve around binging and then puking my fucking guts out - it's glorious.\n\n\nWhat's the fucking logic behind restricting ADHD medication to this extent for patients over 18?  That we're all fucking cured on our 18th birthdays of ADHD?  OMFG do I wish that were the case.  And maybe the gods could throw a binge eating cure while they're at it...\n\nWhat is the fucking point of all this red tape?  How is this justified?  How is this all allowed?! ", "answer": "I have Humana and I actually had a harder time being on Strattera than I do now on Adderall. \n\nHumana denied to pay their portion of my Strattera, I had to appeal their decision, and I had to get a PA every year. I still don't understand how something like Vyvanse was super cheap but I had to pay an arm and a leg for Strattera. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4395r5", "comment_id": "czgx9dy"}, {"question": "Request: wondering if it is possible to have a subconscious eating disorder", "description": "Just to clarify at the beginning I\u2019m not trying to be insensitive in the slightest to any eating disorders, I\u2019ve had a friend who struggles with bulimia so I know how hard eating disorders can be.\n\nSo I\u2019m wondering if it is possible to have a subconscious eating disorder, more specifically subconscious anorexia. I\u2019ve battled with anxiety ever since I\u2019ve been a little kid and it has very much affected my eating patterns; basically whenever I eat I get nauseous and the anxiety triggers a lot of nausea, thus not eating the way I should (we\u2019ve recently figured out it\u2019s anxiety I\u2019ve been struggling with rather than GI issues). My mom also said that when I was a kid maybe seven or eight years old (I\u2019m twenty now) I started developing anorexia and she talked me out of it, since then I\u2019ve had no problem in my mind with weight issues. However, I\u2019ve been quite underweight my whole life, so you can imagine I\u2019m quite skinny. I tend to get made fun of a lot for being so skinny and I\u2019m also allwaayyyssss cold as well and I hate it! I\u2019ve resolved in my head many many times that I\u2019m going to eat more and gain weight and even set up a program on an app to gain weight (which works; when I eat the calorie amount, I can gain about a half a pound a day). But I\u2019ve never gotten past the minimum BMI recommended weight and actually the thought of being a healthy weight makes me nauseous and when I step on the scale and see any triple digits, I immediately get nauseous and then my body suppresses its appetite until I drop down back to the weight I was before and then I get back up a few pounds and it\u2019s a cycle. In my conscious mind, I know I want and need to gain weight but when it comes down to actually gaining it, it\u2019s like my body doesn\u2019t want to. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s my anxiety or that I\u2019ve always had that subconscious thought since I was little or what but I\u2019d like to figure out what the cause may be so I figured I\u2019d ask you guys to see if anybody\u2019s ever heard of something like this. Thanks so much for your feedback!\n\nSide note: the last time I weighed myself I had gained a couple pounds and my appetite has been raging lately so I\u2019m assuming I\u2019m gaining weight but I\u2019m doing myself the favor of not stepping on the scale so I don\u2019t trigger my body back into no appetite... seems to be working so far", "answer": "you might want to read about the term high cognitive dietary restraint - that's kind of similar to a \"subclinical\" eating disorder. you can also take a quiz to see what your eating attitudes are like - google \"EAT-26\".", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "8ovfct", "comment_id": "e06fwkb"}, {"question": "I'm [23/M] got into a huge fight with my [22/F] Girlfriend. What can I do??", "description": "Yesterday, my girlfriend had texted me about something that she found out. When we first started dating, she had told me some gossip and asked me not to tell. After some time I let it slip to a friend of mine. I don't remember when I said it, but I know I did. \n\nSix months into our relationship (Yesterday), she found out I told and was angry that I told my friend. She got very upset, citing how the trust was broken, how I was stupid for telling him, and that she couldn't believe it. \n\nAfter some time and thought, I apologized for what I had done. I apologized for betraying her trust and citing the ways in which I did that. This morning I received messages stating the relationship was over, that she didn't know me, that I was a terrible person, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.\n\nWe have a history of fights that end in breakups, but this time she said she was done for good. \n\nI know I messed up, and explained what I did was wrong. I explained why it was wrong, and what I was going to do to fix it.\nShe was very upset by me breaking her trust. I have really hurt her by telling my friend.\n\nMy question is, Is there anything I can do?? \n\ntldr: Fight with girlfriend. I told a friend about something that she didn't want me telling anyone. I know I messed up. Girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with me. What can I do??\n\nEDIT: By saying after some time, I apologized two hours after our initial conversation. I understand I was wrong. Our arguments play out with her yelling and screaming, and I listen to what she has to say. I only ever want to understand what she is saying and where she is coming from.", "answer": "Not much man. Abject begging might work. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bigcc", "comment_id": "dhmu5ec"}, {"question": "I am humiliated. Ashamed. Full of guilt.", "description": "I made it 55 days. Longest I\u2019ve gone other than while pregnant. \nIt\u2019s been difficult and satisfying. \nI threw it all away this weekend. Had a date night with my husband Saturday and decided I was going to have wine with our dinner. Before we left we had some champagne, like a welcome back toast! My son over heard me say I was going to have a drink and said: \u201cMom don\u2019t lose your time, you\u2019ve done so well!\u201d I told him not to worry and everything will be fine. This was earlier in the day.\nIn my mind I rationalized that if I choose to drink I just won\u2019t do it in front of my kids. Saturday was not a disaster. Sunday.... oh, \u201cSunday Funday!\u201d Not so Funday. \nGot started at brunch and had a bunch of drinks. Bloody Mary, Champagne and several beers. Go hard or go home - right!?\nWe end up at a friends house and I open a bottle of wine from Vietnam. This \u201cwine\u201d packs a good punch. Fast forward a few hours and we\u2019re all at the pool. Next thing I know I\u2019m waking up at 4 am full of anxiety with no idea how I got home. \nTurns out I got extremely hammered and started to fall asleep at the pool. My husband got me home and I went to use the restroom. My daughter had to go tell my husband that mommy is asleep in the restroom and I can\u2019t wake her up. My son is also a witness to all of this. \nI don\u2019t remember the pool. I don\u2019t remember coming home and I completely let my family down.  I feel so shitty - emotionally - that I could not face going to work today. \nCan\u2019t face my family. Made up a story that my daughter believes about getting food poisoning, but my son knows. My husband has tried to assure me that he got me home before too much damage was done at the pool. \nCrazy thing is my mom is telling me that we all make mistakes. Don\u2019t beat myself up and NEXT time don\u2019t drink as much. \nAll my family and friends drink, which makes staying sober more challenging. I know only I can choose to drink. \nresetting the clock to day 1.\nIWNDWYT\n\n\n\nEdit: Thank you to everyone that has taken their time to post advice and uplifting comments. It\u2019s been a struggle today, but I know I\u2019m not alone. This happens to the best of us. Reading your comments has made a positive impact on my day.\n\n\nEdit 2: \nY\u2019all are amazing. I turned my phone off last night and checked out early. Woke up to so many comments. I\u2019ll try to respond to everyone. Currently at work. Day 2 and I\u2019m already feeling better.\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Sometimes we lose the choice in drink actually. Alcoholism is powerful as hell. No matter how bad we want to sometimes it\u2019s not enough. I need AA and the steps to stay sober myself. Only thing that has worked in the past. I am struggling myself, so I feel your pain. Hope things get better. Learn from it, but please don\u2019t beat yourself up too badly. That only makes for more drinking to get rid of that feeling as well", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz1g0e", "comment_id": "eqq3w5i"}, {"question": "Anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, F, 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications", "description": "I know this sounds crazy but for the longest time I have always had an issue with sounds. For example, I cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. It makes me feel like I\u2019m going to explode inside and I get really irritable. It\u2019s affecting my home life but it\u2019s uncontrollable. The same thing happens when I hear pencils writing on paper. Also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) I have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. Is something wrong with me? I feel like I should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it\u2019s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as I\u2019m in any of these situations. \n\nI am a healthy 28yo F with no medical issues. 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as I can remember but seems to be getting worse.", "answer": "You're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. There's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. It's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cwkjbr", "comment_id": "eyceb0q"}, {"question": "Need input about a sex offender", "description": "My former friend, whom I\u2019ll call Amy, has a young relative who was caught in a sex offense. \u201cBrad\u201d was a teen, when he took two young boys into the woods for sex. (I believe they were 9 or 10 yo, and he was 16 or 17.) I thought that he was probably a predatory sex offender and that his skill at luring the boys indicated that this was something he\u2019d done before. \n\nBrad slipped through the justice system cracks and got no treatment. When I spoke with him later, he showed no remorse and no empathy for his victims. He was also seeking work with children. \n\nFast forward: He is now married, has a good career, and has had some kind of therapy. I am wondering what the chances are of a sex offender changing as an adult? Also, what kind of therapy is effective? What kind would not be effective?", "answer": "Re therapy,  a sex offender program is most appropriate.  There are groups especially designed to do this work .\n\nRe chances of changing - I want to make the distinction between sex offender and pedophile. Not all pedophiles offend , and not all people who do what he did are pedophiles. Of course , some people are both. I can't say because I did not treat him and I really don't know what happened or what was behind it.  There are multiple factors used to estimate risk of  recidivism. (There are some actuarial risk assessments you can find online,  but they require knowledge about the offense and offender).\n\n\nI'm curious as to how you would know if he had remorse or empathy.  Were you treating him in some capacity?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fc05m8", "comment_id": "fj8p46w"}, {"question": "I [24/f] want to bring up a \"negative trait\" my partner [24/f] has compassionately", "description": "is this even possible?! and do I have any right to do so? \n\nMy partner has a tendency to be dramatic and does what seems to me like 'crying wolf' (asking for help when it's unnecessary) \nI have seen this behaviour affect my partner's life negatively with our relationship, with her other friendships, with her employment, with her health, it's everywhere really. I don't like when she is dramatic or not taking the time to try and figure things out on her own. I feel like I can see through it and it's frustrating to me. It's something that I feel she needs to work though, everyone has their issues. I think it's possible she doesn't see herself in that way, but I think most other people would. I just want to help her realize the ways in which she is over-reacting but I really can't figure out how to word anything, everything seems very harsh and I really don't want her to feel attacked. \nIs it wrong to have a discussion about something of this nature? I don't want to disturb her natural personality, it just seems like this small aspect is doing more harm than good.  \n\nor is this just my own issue & I need to let it go if I want out relationship to grow and grow? \n\ntl;dr my partner is dramatic and cries wolf, do i bring this up?", "answer": "Check this out: https://relationshiprx.utk.edu/2015/03/11/complaints-vs-criticisms/\nBig difference in complaint vs criticism. How you approach the issue will make all the difference. Good luck!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x44ng", "comment_id": "dmd77fa"}, {"question": "Should I tell my ex I'm going no contact?..", "description": "I've been debating on how to start no contact with my ex. Previously she left me for another guy and while she was with him, she really didn't give a crap about me. Anyways he ended up fucking her and leaving so she basically came running back to me  after that. I missed her a lot so I didn't even care about what she had done. I was just glad to have her back. We were intimate a few times during our friendship but that was a huge mistake. But anyways, like I said she was pretty heartless towards me after the whole breakup and being with another guy. Of course I still wanted and missed her after what she had done so we agreed to being \"friends\" with the occasionally intimacy thing. \n\nSince then she has been really sweet and caring and has helped me with some things for school, but sometimes I just feel like things are different and I simply can't get the idea that she had left me for another guy and lied to my face. I want to cut her off. I honestly just want to disappear, but I'm not sure if it would be fair to her. Should I tell her I'm going no contact or should I just block her off of everything and disappear off the face of the earth? What's the best way to go about this?", "answer": "tell her than do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7t0t", "comment_id": "dhkh351"}, {"question": "I slipped up after so long...", "description": "I drank last week, after nearly 2.5 years.  I was traveling alone, at a conference for work, I was anxious, and I was given a bunch of free drink tickets.  I used them.\n\nI had only two drinks each on two different nights.  Nothing terrible happened, I didn't embarass myself.  I was lucky.  But I put myself at risk.  And both nights, after I got back to my hotel, it took everything I had in me to stop myself from going to a liquor store and buying more booze so I could drink alone in my room.\n\nI'm back home now, it's been a few days and I'm doing okay, but I had no idea the cravings would come back so quickly.  I'm grateful that my friends all know me as a non-drinker, and people here don't offer me alcohol.  But still, I've had some close calls since coming home.\n\nI had gotten complacent.  I had forgotten how bad it was.  My life has gotten so much better in the last few years that a big part of me believed that I had solved my problem and could drink like a \"normal person\" now.  I hadn't exactly planned on drinking at this conference, but the thought of trying alcohol again has been in the back of my head for the past few months. \n\nI'm also realizing that I had slowly replaced alcohol with marijuana.  I have been smoking way too much lately, even though I never enjoyed weed as much as I did alcohol.  So it's no wonder that I had a slip when I was traveling without access to weed.  I've told myself for a long time now that smoking weed is okay, it's not addictive in the same way as alcohol is and it doesn't make me do the stupid, dangerous things that I do when I'm drunk.  But, like my therapist told me today, I never really got used to a life where I wasn't self-medicating with *something*.  I was never truly sober, and it was only a matter of time before I went back to my drug of choice.\n\nI'm throwing away my weed, and making plans to start going to meetings again this week.  I bought myself a 2-liter of soda and a pint of Ben and Jerry's for tonight, because I feel like I need it right now.  I'm hurting a lot.  I feel angry at myself, and really sad seeing that 5 days on my badge.  2 years is a long time.  I really want to get there again.\n\nThanks for reading.  I will be completely sober tonight.", "answer": "Emotional security comes partly from healthy relationships. Meetings are great but the work of self examination is necessary to undo the damage caused by years of neglect, abandonment and shame. I did the 12 steps because I knew I needed to change the way I felt inside or I was going to drink again. Drinking for me was running away from myself. I had to face myself with the help of another person. I had to admit that I needed help because I had a blind spot when it came to myself.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6tqh6k", "comment_id": "dlnfd8p"}, {"question": "I'm not sure if this is an asperger's problem, but i can't work on more than one thing in my life.", "description": "Most people can do multiple things a day like having a job, having hobbies and doing sports, but i can't. I work 11 hours a week and i try to finish school and i want to make music and do sports, but that doesn't work for me. When i work for 5 hours in the morning i can't do anything else in the afternoon. On the days i study i can't make music or  go running, because i can only focus on one area of my life. I can't even do normal chores on days where i have something else to do and it seems impossible to have a life because of it.\n\nDo you know if this is a problem due to asperger's syndrom and if autism-therapy could help with that?", "answer": "Oh my god yes!  I\u2019ve said almost this exact thing several times. I have the capacity to do one thing well, and everything else suffers and only gets a fraction of the attention it deserves.  Since I have to live, work gets my attention and every other relationship or interest or obligation (including basic self-care and chores) is neglected.\n\nI also have ADHD and chronic fatigue, but honestly, they could all be part of the same problem. I could have fatigue and focus issues because autism is such an enormous drain on my resources.  \n\nIt could also be the other way around. I could seem autistic because I have ADHD and chronic fatigue. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s even worth sorting out (or possible).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i7aijs", "comment_id": "g121dyd"}, {"question": "I[M/22] am an abuser to my SO[F/21]. What should I do?", "description": "Hello everyone,      \n\nI've been with my SO for the past 2 years and it's been going great. But out of no where, it's gone completely down hill. When we argue, we argue over small, petty things that turn in fights that last a whole day. There's two sides of this. When I tell her something, and when she tells me something. When I tell her, she doesn't listen to what I have to say and gets mad at me, and we argue. When she tells me something, I have to continually ask her whats wrong as I just want to get over our problems as I hate it lurking for a whole day as it ruins my day, not to mention her attitude throughout the day. In any case, she won't tell me at all, and it becomes like a child and mouse game with her as she won't tell me what's wrong until I get completely pissed off and annoyed by her acting like this. By the time she begins to speak, I get way pissed off and begin to raise my voice and she will tell me to stop being angry and impatient. By that, I get even more pissed off as I usually wait a whole day for her to say something. Here is an example of our last fight, last night.          \n\nAt around 9am, she said \"How much would you pay for sex from me?\" I jokingly said \"$1\", to which she got mad. I told her sorry immediately, but instead of listening to what I had to say, about why I said it jokingly, she became mad. I hugged her at the same time, but she pushed me into the wall which seriously hurt my neck. I get pissed off by this and begin to hold her arms and body so she wouldn't hurt me more. She continued to be pissed off throughout the day and I continued to ask her whats wrong so she would talk with me. At around 4pm, she tells me why she's so pissed off. But by that time, I'm to annoyed by her attitude and for me having to ask her continuously for whats wrong. In spite, I told her that she shouldn't ask me that kind of question, especially since it's not something someone usually asks, especially to their boyfriend. Fast forward to 1am. We're still arguing and she tells me how much of a POS I am for saying that. I tell her i'm sorry for saying that, but she blames me that I didn't even say anything. She gets up and tries to get out of the house. Admittedly, this is where I go wrong. I pull her arm and throw her onto the bed so she would just go to sleep. She gets pissed off by this and claws me with her nails. I get even more pissed off so I get on top of her so she can't move and hold her arms against the bed so she would stop clawing me. At the same time, I punched her leg and arm since she kicked me in the stomach. As we're doing this, I tell her to stop so we can talk about it the next morning. She stops momentarily, and then runs out of the house around 3am. I have to run after her and grab her and pick her up by her legs and bring her back to the room. I get even more pissed off by this that I slap her in the head, throw her on the bed, and then get on top of her again. This lasts until 5am to which we both get tired and fall asleep. Next morning we wake up around 11am. The same argument continues but instead of continuing to fight, we began to talk. We began talking about what happened and what was wrong. We never came to a conclusion and still are arguing right now.   \n\nIn any case, I know I'm completely at fault for loosing my cool for being physically and mentally abusive to her and I completely feel wrong for doing so. But what can I do? What should I do? If I seek a therapist will they call the police on me? I'd really like to fix myself and this relationship. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "therapy and abusers group", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bly0l", "comment_id": "dhnqqdv"}, {"question": "Is there a great anti-woo line I can use to disrupt the influence of a naturopath on cancer suffering relative?", "description": "An elderly relative (73, Male, 6'00', White English, Midlands UK (so NHS), Some historic angina) has been initially suspected of having Bowel Cancer, and having has a colonoscopy and CT scan he is awaiting his diagnosis and prognosis.\n\nin the meantime his Chiropractor / Naturopath has been providing glutathione IV and injection treatments. He has 'referred' him to a 'prominent London naturopath' who has a documented history of GMC action, although he was cleared as his cohort was struck off within the same proceeding.\n\nI know naturopaths don't really mean much harm, but the very first letter from this guy has asked him to conceal the glutathione treatment from the doctor that will give him his Dx.\n\nI am struggling to make this relative see sense. He is spending many hours watching DVDs from these naturopaths but won't read 'Bad Science' or similar stuff I put in his hand. Although I've given him warning signs to look out for ('sugar feeds the cancer', administering antioxidants) he still trusts his n'paths more than the mediacal doctors or our opinions.\n\nIs there a killer line or short piece of evidence I can use to disrupt the pattern and get him to think critically about his situation, WITHOUT causing further harm?\n\nEdit: Seems a simple keyhole procedure is advised. He wants to wait for 3 months as his n'path says it can be controlled using natural remedies.\n", "answer": "I think you would be well within your rights to express concern to his GP - then let the GP work their magic. Otherwise you should just be candid to your relative regarding your concerns, and hope he takes heed. Cant give you a specific line to use, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "579np2", "comment_id": "d8qb9j2"}, {"question": "So I just fell asleep during my attention test, so should I tell anyone?", "description": "I finally finally took my attention test. It was hitting the space bar on a keyboard every time I saw a letter on the screen and the second half was hitting space bar when I heard sounds in a certain order.\n\nThe letter test I'm pretty sure I bombed, but stayed awake the entire time. When I got to the sound part though I started off well but the longer it went on the worse I got and kept nodding off. I wasn't sleep deprived today though.\n\nIf I tell my psychiatrist I fell asleep will they make me pay for another test or is this common doing something this boring? I guess I should also mention the test was for possible ADHD and I'll go over my results at my follow up on the 6th.", "answer": "Yes. Otherwise they will reach inaccurate conclusions based off of your performance. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gj96c", "comment_id": "d2iipx7"}, {"question": "An addict will think of everything else in their lives as a cause to their problems before they think what they're addicted to might be the root of it", "description": "I remember reading the title of this post one day and laughed thinking that it only applied to alcoholics etc. Today I'm quitting, I applied this quote to my own life and realized the dependency I had on bud and how it was potentially effecting my life. With a relationship lost in part due to pot I'm deciding enough is enough. I've quit before, but never for more than half a year or so. This time I mean to leave it behind me for good, if not for anything else than it now bores me. When you're high it's hard to really focus on doing anything for an extended amount of time and when you're sober all you want is to get high. \n\nIt's a shame really because I think pot has genuine positive effects to it, however I realize that in and for whatever reason my brain chemistry is affected to the point of almost a non sequitur. Meaning when pot is available to smoke, I'm gonna smoke it. I don't have the self control to take extended breaks or not use it when it's available so I need to leave it behind all or nothing. Wish me luck. \n\nSorry for the messiness this is my first post here. ", "answer": "The addict is most likely correct, the drugs are a symptom not the problem. Self medicating is more the issue ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "63f34e", "comment_id": "dftnw9s"}, {"question": "My mom wants me to take a (supposedly) autism-allieving antibiotic?", "description": "Hi, guys. Last night, my mother and I watched [this episode](http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/autism-enigma.html) of David Suzuki's *The Nature of Things* on autism and a new theory that autism is caused by neurotoxin producing gut-bacteria. Now that she's seen it, my mother is pushing me to take an antibiotic called Acidophilus which (according to the program) is supposed to kill this bacteria, in the hopes that it will alleviate some of my social issues related to my Aspergers. \n\nI'm really not sure how I feel about this. My mom has always been supportive (she was the one that noticed my symptoms and suggested that I get tested), but I feel like she's hoping that this antibiotic will \"cure\" me. I'm fine with who I am but I don't want anybody to treat me as though I have a mental illness that can be cured. Has anybody else had a similar experience? What are your thoughts on the theory? I'm open to hearing any thoughts and opinions you guys have.", "answer": "Ask your mom to become educated about autism:\n\nI bought everyone in my family a copy of this book, and when I told them I had autism, I told them the best thing they could do for me was to read this:\n\nhttp://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843104954\n\nI am not claiming that this is the perfect book, but it is thorough, and learning about and understanding your loved one is often the best thing you can do for them.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xmz2n", "comment_id": "c5nw3ln"}, {"question": "40M - Water smells terrible", "description": "40 M, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.\n\nI have this thing where water smells terrible. Tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. But usually when I\u2019m drinking it. There doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. I could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. I come back to it and it has that smell. Or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. I\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and I\u2019m a weirdo. The smell is like dead fish in a lake. Kinda swampy. That\u2019s the best I can describe it. It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\n\nIs this normal? A neurological symptom? Am I having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "This is not really a physician comment, but I have the same experience. I\u2019ve done some digging and the best I can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. Or due to contaminants in water. It\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.\n\nI don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "eyls8o4"}, {"question": "Boyfriend is lying to me. Need advice.", "description": "So my boyfriend [22yr] had social media accounts just to look at very sexual accounts and all of that. When I [21yr] found this out, I told him how i felt about these accounts, how I felt hurt by it and all, so he deleted the apps the first time. And then I come to find out a couple of weeks later that he had redownloaded the apps and was looking at them on the daily basis again. So again I told him how I understand that he would look at porn and how i do it sometimes too, but the reason why the accounts hurt me so much was that they have become such a part of his daily life that he would go and check on them without thinking about it. Again his response was to delete the apps and said that he loves me and would not risk of losing me and all of that even if it meant deleting the apps. Today I found out that he has redownloaded the apps and back at it stronger than ever. I don't know how to feel about the whole topic again. I mean I feel hurt not just because it's becoming a daily thing for him, but he just going back to it and acting like nothing had happened. I don't know what to do anymore. Just wondering your guys opinion on the whole thing and sorry for the long post.\n\n\nUPDATE: He said that the reason why the apps are back is because his system got a update and that update sometimes bring stuff back.  I didn't know if that's true or not,  even if that's true,  how come he didn't deleted right as soon as the update was done because he knows how I feel about them. ", "answer": "too immature for you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ceca5", "comment_id": "dhu032i"}, {"question": "Twitching / dryness in one eye only?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm not a doctor, but I had issues with my eyelid twitching before.  Drink tonic water, it has quinine in it, and it helps reduce muscle spasms.  I know it sounds crazy, but it worked really well for me.  As for dry eye, I've always had it really bad in my left eye but not my right.  I use \"Blink\" eyedrops when it acts up.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7cvc4h", "comment_id": "dpvhmpz"}, {"question": "Taking more than perscribed Bupropion", "description": "My daily dosage is 250mg, but in hopes of feeling better from my worsening depression I took 300mg yesterday and 450mg today. What side effect could I see? Is the dose too high?", "answer": "Don't take more than 450. I did once on accident and ended up needing to take an ambulance to the ER and stay overnight in the hospital. It was horrible, terrfiying, and really fking expensive. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dn3rs", "comment_id": "di4aa49"}, {"question": "What do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and I (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged. I know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts. \n\nWe planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on. \n\nI'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "What do you gain by this relationship. What do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "f6l9i8m"}, {"question": "Is it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "description": "I'm 17. I finished high school a few months ago. My high school has a tradition where the Seniors on their last day all say their good byes to each other and the other grades. I gave hugs to guys and girls. Usually I just give guys some dap ( a bro handshake), but I figured since it was our last day of high school, and I'm never going to see many of these people again, I'll give everyone hugs.\n\nAll the girls didn't mind when I gave them hugs. However, some of the guys didn't like that. I mean most of the guys didn't mind. But some of them, when I tried to give them a hug stated, \"You want a hug?\", like they were weirded out. When I tried to give them hugs they kind of pushed me off.\n\nIs it weird for a guy to hug another guy?", "answer": "Nope, not inherently.  Very much depends on culture though as to how close you have to be to someone to hug them.  I'm a guy and I hug most of my guy friends in greeting or saying goodbye who are comfortable with it.    \n\n\nFor instance, my family is an east coast, mostly irish and italian heritage.  We're very overt with displays of affection.  My wife still jokes about how uncomfortable she felt when we were newly dating coming to parties of my big extended family and getting hugged and kissed on the cheek.  It's normal for us, but for her family, very strange.  \n\n\nFlipside, I visit her family in the mid-west.  Lovely people, but very reserved compared to what I'm used to.  They used to make jokes about me always going in for a hug as I didn't realize until after, they felt a little weird that I was going in for a hug after meeting and leaving the first times.  \n\n\nOn one more note, some people just don't like to be touched.  If by their body language you get a sense someone is weirded out, don't force hugs.  Ask if you can give them a hug.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "95wd10", "comment_id": "e3vxn22"}, {"question": "Is my church group unhealthy?", "description": "I have been attending sessions with a spiritual counselor who has been helping me with spiritual guidance as well as personal issues. I've dealt with feelings of inadequacy for quite some time and he is walking me through to finding more confidence in myself. He even suggested I come off my antidepressants as he felt I was not depressed. He suggests I should do at least an hour or two of Bible study a day as well as write emails nightly to update him on my progress with faith and my issues. He doesn't have a license but he is very knowledgeable. He has studied the Bible extensively and is a very good resource. \n\nHe also sees other clients. Many of these clients have become my friends and have also joined a church group we have created on our own. We, once a month, have a very long session that can last 12-14 hours. I usually feel exhausted after these groups. During these we, as a group, discuss our personal issues and provide support to one another while also discussing faith. \n\nWhat has begun to trouble me is that he claims to be an expert at body language, so I feel intimidated at times when we are talking, like I can't hide my thoughts from him. He has also suggested that I can do more work concerning what we are covering and has provided a more intensive program of study to follow. I am currently in school and have slot of responsibilities. I did issued with him that I would like to back off the program but he suggested that it was me not wanting to do the work. I decided to stick with it but it has been very stressful. Other people in the group are doing the same program and they are doing fine, so I'm thinking it is me. But I don't know. \n\nI'm afraid to leave the group out of fear of losing my faith community since most of my friends are part of this group. And I'm finding it more and more difficult to pay for sessions with him, which are roughly $70 a visit. I'm not sure what to do. Anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "This sounds really unhealthy.  If you're questioning your faith or need help with spiritual guidance, he's not going to be giving you an objective and supportive point of view to help you figure out things for yourself.  \n\n\nIt would be like me going to my local butcher asking him for advice over the prospect of becoming vegan.\n\n\nIf you find aspects of it helpful and that they outweigh what's troubling you, continue going.  I'd highly suggest seeing a licensed therapist if you really want to explore some of this stuff in a way that's going to be more supportive.  If you have health insurance, it'll cost you a lot less than what you're paying this dude.  Lastly, NEVER take advice as \"professional advice\" about changing or going off your meds from anyone who isn't a Psychiatrist or Medical Doctor.  Even we licensed therapist know that it's outside of our scope of practice to give medical advice.    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "api6vf", "comment_id": "egdvq0a"}, {"question": "Can you be suicidal without having depression?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm curious to know why you don't think you had depression. Generally, those recurrent thoughts of death are fairly indicative of what would be considered depression, especially the feelings of being \"irreparably broken\". Regardless, people can often recover from mental illness without any kind of treatment, so that certainly doesn't disqualify your experience. It actually might be a good idea to go and talk about what happened, process it, and address these feelings around the experience you had.\n\nBeyond that to answer your initial question, yes, suicidal feelings without depression do happen, but they generally are more along the lines of \"I don't care if I live\", and associated with reckless behaviors like alcohol and drug use, among other things.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fn29n", "comment_id": "ctq50ao"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Apparently testosterone levels rise to 150% after about 7 days without masturbation.\nAfter that it stays around that level and - at some later point - begins to go down again slowly.\n\nI researched this a while back and you\u2019ll have to go back to google scholar if you\u2019re looking for the evidence. It\u2019s out there. \n\nYou may also try supplements (T-100 is what I\u2019m experimenting with at the moment; mixed results, but generally positive. Though 7+ days without sex/masturbation does have a more pronounced, noticeable effect for me at the moment).\n\nQuestion also is, what results do you expect from higher T levels?", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "cj085x", "comment_id": "evagbze"}, {"question": "Is it too early for my 17 year old ex-gay son to be dating?", "description": "My son is currently having regular one to one sessions with his youth pastor, and I have been told about his good progress.\n\nThe pastor has suggested he spend some time with girls at the church, clearing his mind. The pastor said he is also working with a girl age 16 dealing with similar misguidance, and they they would volunteer together at the church and see how it goes between them. With valentines coming up, it is good for him to be in a healthy normal relationship. I'm not sure if this is too rushed, as valentines is not a big deal, I love my wife all year, not just one day. \n\nMy son has had about 8 (1 hour) one to one sessions so far in the last 2 weeks, but I am not sure if he is ready. The pastor has told me the girls parents like the idea, and that they have similar interests.\n\nHave any other parents here been in a similar situation? Under a pastors guidance my son should be on the right path to healthy relationships.\n\nlgbts not welcome to comment", "answer": "i think it's up to him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5snb7t", "comment_id": "ddgf97e"}, {"question": "Is it safe to *stop* donating blood?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You didn't list required information, but unless you have a medical condition that requires regular phlebotomy, like hemochromatosis, there's no reason not to just stop.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9jmts9", "comment_id": "e6sm8u3"}, {"question": "How to spot a gentleman?", "description": "Me and my best friend Allison are both single. I have been in several relationships and so did she. However, none of our relationships have lasted longer than 6 months due to the fact that all of the guys turned out to be total pricks. Now we are both wondering how to exactly notice if someone is a real gentleman or if he fakes for the first months so he can hop into bed with you. Please help us with your opinions so we don't need to waste our times on assholes!\n\nThanks so much in advance for your support!", "answer": "  I would go VERY slowly in relationships. This alone will weed out some of the jerks. Ask LOTS of questions over the first few months. Know their history, their needs, their wants, their expectations...... People who will hurt you have 'red flags' in their histories that will emerge if you ask the right questions. There are hidden gems out there. You have to be patient, and selective, and not needy about finding someone.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63a87i", "comment_id": "dfshw5o"}, {"question": "Misinterpreting surroundings - what is this?", "description": "Dx: bipolar 1 (possible schizoaffective, bipolar type according to some docs).\n\nAge: 26\n\nHeight/weight: 5'5\", 103\n\nMy doctors are well aware that I experience hallucinations, particularly auditory ones. However, I can't tell if what I've been experiencing lately is a hallucination, delusion, anxiety, or what.\n\nI tend to misinterpret my surroundings and I have to use a lot of grounding skills to tell myself, \"no, wait. That's wrong.\" For example, I might look in one direction and see a shiny red F-150 pickup truck, only to do a double take and realize it's just a tiny black trashcan, even though both of those things are different colors and even though trashcans and pickup trucks look nothing alike. \"I could've sworn that was in the shape of a huge pickup truck. I saw all the details of the truck, including the black scrape on the side and the bird shit.\" I may also hear wind blowing and then it sounds like bells are being played simultaneously or someone is screaming simultaneously. Then I say, \"wait. That can't be true, can it? Or is it?\"\n\nI also had this thing where people at work were talking and I could hear my name being spoken. For example, if my name is Robert, all i heard was \"Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert.\" No other words. Just my name being said repeatedly. Then I said to myself, \"no, that can't be true. Why would they be saying my name repeatedly? That's not even a conversation. That makes no sense...\"\n", "answer": "Hallucinations are possible with either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder; having them in the absence of mania or depression would point more towards the latter. Hallucinations can be upsetting or just odd. Although they're seen as *the* symptom of psychosis, often they're actually often not very impairing unless they're particularly distressing.\n\nThe term \"illusion\" is used specifically for mis-perceiving rather than perception with nothing there at all, but it's mostly associate with altered level of consciousness or lack of clarity and rarely like what you describe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8da5hl", "comment_id": "dxlqv6z"}, {"question": "Total Daily Energy Expenditure/Base Metabolic Rate Testing", "description": "I\u2019m curious if anyone has gotten tested to find out what their TDEE/BMR is. I\u2019ve read some research that says women with PCOS have a lower BMR than average so I\u2019m wondering how much lower (if any) mine is. If you\u2019ve gotten it done was it actually lower? Was it helpful information? Did insurance cover it? How expensive was it? Thanks in advance!\n\nEdit: Additional question. What kind of professional did you go to to get it done?", "answer": "I got a resting metabolism measured by a specialist dietician. (She said that to measure a BMR she'd have to come to me first thing in the morning while I was still in bed, lol.) My metabolism is about 60% of what it should be, which she wasn't surprised by because of the PCOS. Insurance covered it (I have pretty awesome insurance) and it was super easy to do, you breath into a device for a few minutes and it spits out the data. It was an interesting experience. 10/10 I totally recommend it if you have easy access to it. \n\nMakes me feel like much less of a 'failure'. I still have to cope with it and make healthy choices from here on out, but it helps me not beat myself up over being 300lbs. Back of the napkin math tells me that since I gained it over 20 years, that's less than an extra 100 calories a day. Burning only 60% of what I should be that's honestly impressive I havn't gained more. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8hrmjo", "comment_id": "dymjx6r"}, {"question": "What can I do to help?", "description": "My best friend had a very severe case of postpartum depression. She ended up hospitalized three times for it. It has now been about 2 years and she seems to be spiraling downward. Her family noticed and had her go back to the hospital for inpatient help for a week. After she got out, she has become very erratic. She can\u2019t seem to focus on anything, doing odd things like sitting on the floor at work and ignoring her employees when they directly speak with her, and randomly getting up and leaving to go do something fairly strange (ex: suddenly leaving work and saying she needs to go to a water park). I\u2019m not sure what to do but I feel like this behavior is very alarming.  I know she just got released from the hospital so I don\u2019t know what to do or how to approach this. I don\u2019t have any of her direct families contact information to try to get their thoughts on the situation and she isn\u2019t able to hold a conversation with me long enough for me to be able to get a read on how she feels. Scariest of all was when one of her employees told me today that they don\u2019t know how she even drove into work. Any and all advice would be great. I feel over my head with this. ", "answer": "Since she has been out of the hospital, how have you and your friend arranged to meet or get together?  Who contacts who?  \n\nYou mentioned this behavior feels very alarming to you, which it would to most people who have never been through something like this.  When you said \"alarming,\" can you give me an idea of an extreme situation you have witnessed?  Does she have a history of self-injury or suicide attempts?  Has she voiced she wants to kill herself or doesn't want to live?  \n\nI don't know the situation, but clearly your friend is struggling.  The simple fact that you care enough to reach out on reddit, that you want to form a plan, that you want to help your friend is soooo what she needs.  Be there for her.  Sit with her.  Listen to her, let her ramble.  If she seems coherent at some point, ask her what you can do to help her.  \n\nIf you think she's at the verge of potentially hurting herself or someone else, contact her place of employment and request for her emergency contact information.  It would be a medical emergency, and it sounds like she's demonstrated some odd behavior there, so it would be worth a try.  Take her phone from her if push comes to shove.  You're a good friend, she's lucky to have you in her life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8ywo6w", "comment_id": "e2ef22r"}, {"question": "I'm starting to feel like I'm sacrificing my mental health for a BA.", "description": "I am currently living at home with an emotionally abusive mother because I feel like I don't have any other choice right now. I am a student and have no means of income so I can't move out. If I were to quit going to school that would enable me to move out, but that also would me giving up a college degree. I'm just at a loss of what to do. I don't know if I want advice or anything, this is just something that needs to finally be said. ", "answer": "OP I don't know what school you are going for but a lot of schools have free counseling services.  I would suggest \"going to school to work on school work more\" but go see/look into a counselor there.  They would be able to help you with all of these issues in your life, saving your mental health and allowing you to finish school.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ru328", "comment_id": "cnlirft"}, {"question": "Need advice on overcoming my psychological problems and social anxieties", "description": "Hello, Reddit.\n\nI'm looking for advice on how to overcome my psychological problems and roadblocks. I've tried to summarize them below, and I'd be really grateful for any piece of advice you can offer - books, guidelines, personal experience, subreddits, other resources, whatever. Any input you can give is important to me. I know seeking professional psychiatric treatment would be the best course of action, but I just can't afford it right now.\n\nSo, most if not all of my problems stem from me comparing myself with others, inferring my worth from such comparisons, and my perfectionistic streak. Also, my problems are mostly about my interaction with other people, in other aspects of my life I'm doing okay.\n\nI suspect these tendencies developed in my childhood - my parents always taught me to be the best, and I distinctly remember them saying that I should learn from other people's mistakes rather then making my own. I also never went to kindergarten, which I think set me back in my social skills somewhat. My social anxiety also became apparent pretty early - I can remember some of these problems manifesting at age 5-6. But I'm no psychiatrist, so I'm not going to try and over-analyze my childhood, this is just some background for you. I'm 24 now, and over the past year I've become more acceptive of myself, more forgiving for any imperfections, strong enough to try and change my life for the better.\n\n**The problems and anxieties that I could identify in myself:**\n\n* I always feel scrutinized, judged, like I have to perform well. Communication, work, appearance - I always feel like I have a standard to uphold.\n* Consequently, I feel like most other people are able to judge me, I feel the need to defend against them. I can begin to feel uncomfortable even if the person in question is not in a position to judge me, has no ground to criticize me, and their criticism can't affect me anyway. So, this isn't linked to how much weight or consequence their criticism will hold, but more to their demeanor and behavior. Someone who looks stern or judging can make me uncomfortable - for example, someone at work who should be answering to me, but is sullen and uncommunicative, or a stern-looking woman in public transport who I don't even communicate with. In both of these examples the person can have basically no effect on my life, yet I felt nonplussed by them. This also happens with people whose opinion is important to me.\n* I often feel like I'm on the defensive - I hold myself somewhat guarded, I use a lot of defensive expressions such as \"in my opinion\", \"I think so\", \"I guess\", \"probably\", and so on.\n* I'm always comparing myself with other people, and I get really defensive and guarded in a conversation if there is someone in the group whom I automatically identify as superior in some important aspect (demeanor, masculinity, sense of humor, activity in the conversation, appearance).\n* I'm very quiet in groups of people I don't know well. Most people that I know are able to get along easier in such situations. The more I stay quiet, the more anxious I get about being alienated from the group. The last two times I was in the company of lesser-known people someone commented on how quiet I am, which didn't help my self-esteem much.\n    \n**Some other things that bother me about myself:**\n\n* Sometimes, if I see a person trying to achieve results that I can relate to (get a job in my field of expertise, get some rank in a video game I play) I automatically wish for them to fail, even if I harbor no bad feelings to that person. The reasoning behind this is that if they succeed, they'll be better than me in some \"comparison\", and I'm going to feel bad. I don't want to be like this and I feel like a dick, but these thoughts are automatic.\n* Some days I feel small like a child, lost, and insignificant. At times like these it feels like everybody but me is confident and strong and knows what they are doing. I know it isn't so, but it just feels that way sometimes.\n* Acceptance and other people's interest is very important to me. Sometimes I dwell on the thoughts that other people are way more popular, say the few friends that I have. It's true that I'm very much alone and mostly ignored by people, however I don't think that's anyone's fault but my own. Sometimes I go for days and weeks without talking to anybody outside of work. This brings me down often.\n    \n**TL;DR - I've got some psychological problems I'm trying to overcome. Any advice you can give would be great! Thank you!**", "answer": "I know you mentioned it, but seriously, see a professional. Look into the agencies and private practices and ask about sliding scales. They adjust your payment based on your income and it's far more affordable than you would expect. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25kg7k", "comment_id": "chi55c6"}, {"question": "Should I stop taking Vyvanse? Chest and throat pain with tightness, back neck and arm pain, faintness and nausea...", "description": "Hi, I'm 21F white female, 5\"5 and 55kg, I take 40mg Vyvanse (Elvanse here in the UK) daily in mornings and 125mg Quetiapine daily at night. I have suffered from unexplained neck, back, jaw and cheekbone pain, fatigue and headaches for months. I also nearly faint everytime I get up. More recently I have experienced random spells of dizziness or spinning. I thought this may have been related to kyphosis, but in the past week I went outside and exercised for the first time in ages since the lockdown. About 20-30 minutes into the walk, I start becoming very short of breath, nauseous, lightheaded, chest and throat pain, I have to sit down and rest to recover for a few minutes before continuing. This has happened everytime I've walked for the past couple weeks, but today I continued to feel chest pain, short breath, fatigue and echoing pains in arms and back hours after the walk while resting. My mum is alarmed and believes it could be related to my ADHD meds. She also considered the possibility that it could be due to me wearing a mask, thus inhaling more carbon dioxide than normal. Is this alarming, and do you think this is likely the cause of medication? Should I take my dose as normal tomorrow or should I seek medical advice? Note that I'm wary of speaking to doctors because I'm slightly afraid of them taking my medication away, but equally I'm a bit concerned this may be serious.", "answer": "How long have you been taking Vyvanse/Elvanse and quetiapine?\n\nThe piece about carbon dioxide isn't right. Masks are too porous to decrease oxygen or increase carbon dioxide. Even much tighter N95's don't do that, although they can make your face and breathing uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hc9i38", "comment_id": "fvdtx5t"}, {"question": "How do I(33M) tell my GF(29F) to get her s*** together?", "description": "My GF and her 3 kids started staying with me and my two kids about 2 months ago. We have been together for 10 months. \n\nShe hasn't offered any money for the bills. She tells me that shit will and sometimes she has given me money, only to ask for it back because she needs it. She's financially irresponsible. I've given her money for things she needs.\n\nWhen she don't have the kids, I'm at work, and she's off, she drives around visiting friends that are 30-45 minutes away all the time. She goes out to eat, she goes and has drinks, and just other stupid things.\n\nShe has things that she needs to take care of but she doesn't. Her phone has been broke for a couple of months. She can only text. So when daycare or school calls her she can't answer. She needs to find some papers so she can finish filing her taxes. Get her license unsuspended, and get her divorce from her ex started.\n\nShe has a 3 year old who could possibly have some issues, and is hard to handle. So because of the fits thrown when the child got put into the car seat, the child doesn't sit in a car seat. They just wonder around the vehicle or sit up front. \n\nNow that I've typed this out and read it, I feel completely different about the whole situation...\n\nI'm not sure what to do now. I love her. I love her a lot. She has changed my perspective on life, and shown me a lot.\n\nI know she can be an amazing person. I can see that she was in her life before.\n\nI'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I don't want her bringing me down with her.", "answer": "Why would you want to be with a person like this?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fe8bzu", "comment_id": "fjnjdya"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t sweat", "description": "This is not fake. I know it sound strange, but never in my life I have sweat. If anyone can tell me why, please do. Been like this my entire life\n\n15M\nEdit for more info:\nOk. First of all, I do t smoke, do drugs, I take 10mg of meletonin to help me with sleep problems. No aclcohal. No visible issues with with. I weigh about 130-150 (been a while sconce I checked, do not have a scale) I\u2019m 50-50 Irish and Porta Rican. No medical issues.", "answer": "Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. It is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18M), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. For all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fgowlo", "comment_id": "fk5xmhb"}, {"question": "With fiance for almost 10 years and still feel unloved, unaccepted, and unappreciated by fiance's family.", "description": "For background my fiance has not had a close relationship with his family though he does with his grandma (whom I adore and who shows us a lot of interest and love) who babysat him all the time. He was verbally/emotionally abused by his father growing up and yelled at for not performing to his fathers' standards in golf or in school, and it typically happened whenever his father (sober for about 5 years now) was drunk. His mother never stepped in and also agreed with his father whenever he would be yelled at. His younger brother was even yelled at to the point of fainting from anxiety when he was just 3 or 4 years old, and needed to be taken to the ER. The doctor summed it up to \"anxiety\" and his family views it as his brother having anxiety, and not that being screamed at caused his anxiety. My fiance also has issues with communication and suppressing his feelings which I attribute to his upbringing by his parents. He's even had issues with suicidal ideation in the past.\n\nNow that his father is sober, they act like all of that never happened and it was never discussed that what they did to their sons was wrong. His brother has a complex and absolutely adores their parents. Fiance tells me this is also the reason he decided to go to boarding school on another island when he was accepted in freshman year of high school.\nI've had issues with his parents since we began dating in high school. For starters when I was introduced to his mom, my memory of her is saying \"and who is this?\" referring to me, and then after being introduced, not being asked any conversational questions but either going back in the house of continuing to only talk to my fiance. Our relationship has continued to be awkward with me feeling uncomfortable because she would seldom try to make conversation with me or get to know me, and would direct her attention only to her son to talk gossip or ask questions that I would not be involved in.\n\nWhenever I'd give them gifts from my fiance and me, I don't receive a thank you or acknowledgement. Yet, I make it a point to thank them and they are sure to say \"You're welcome\" but can never thank me.\n\nWe recently went home to the island we're both from. Since knowing we were going to get engaged, I told him we should start staying together instead of each others' parents houses separately in anticipation of how it's going to be when we're married. We have been staying at my parents house for about a year whenever we go home for holidays or special occasions because I feel more comfortable, and we actually have a bed to sleep on instead of at his parents' house where it's too hoarded to have a free bedroom or bed available.\n\nThey haven't asked us about our wedding plans or any way that they could help. My fiance says that it was the same way when he was growing up - that he'd have to ask them for stuff --even essentials for school -- as if they were holding a power trip.\n\nAnyways, on our most recent trip home, I had made sure he invited his parents to my family's christmas party. they responded \"ok\" but never showed up. They weren't even going to tell us that they werent coming until my fiance texted them asking if they were coming. I was extremely offended that they didnt even have the decency to say that they couldn't make it, but then I let it go.\n\nThe next morning on Christmas day, I texted them both saying Merry Christmas and that we still had their gifts because we thought we'd see them the night before. The father texted back with no \"thank you\" but that they (he, fiance's mom, and younger brother) were watching their friends' daughters open Christmas gifts.\n\nHis mom then texted my fiance separately \"When are you coming to get your gifts?\" At this point I was pissed off. My parents drop stuff off things they want to share such as food and things from the garden at their house all the time, yet they never make the effort to drop off stuff at my parents' house to give things they have to share. It's always as if we have to go to THEM and that we should be thankful that we get stuff from them. It's so twisted.\n\nShe asked again when his flight was so my fiance just told her we would stop by before going to the airport (instead of going to spend time with them). When we went over, the same thing happened where I gave them their gifts addressed from fiance and I and not a single thank you. \n\nOur reoccurring arguments come with me feeling hurt, ignored, and unappreciated by his family. My fiance's solution is to avoid contact with them and to have them make the effort to talk to or see us, but I come from a close knit family and am having a hard time with the fact that he doesn't even tell them when they're wrong or doing hurtful or rude things to us. I want to do couples therapy but fiance says that it's just going to be being told everything that he already knows that's messed up with his family. Is the avoid contact thing best to do??? I feel like it just invalidates my feelings because it does not let them know how their behavior affects me AND their son.", "answer": "no one should be in a rel. more than a year without commitment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5l5l1y", "comment_id": "dbtar7r"}, {"question": "Stressed and panic attacks increasing, having them on and off now", "description": "21 Female\nUSA, full body\nNo known medical condition (diagnosed)\nBirth control\n\nStressful events and life changes continue to occur this past year, randomly get anxious in public.\nI'm afraid of where my mind goes when I feel like this. I always get thoughts to hurt myself, but I know I shouldn't the thoughts keep coming.\n\nBiteing my lips and my finger help with it sometimes. My heart races and I can't think.\n\nI feel alone, and don't think I can go to my family even though I live with them kinda.\n\nIf I go to a doc and get diagnosed with something I loose my scholarship but I get more stressed at school. I'm just a failure either way. How can I feel better?", "answer": "Am a mental health professional here.\n\nMental health records are protected (confidential) information. So your school wouldn't have any way of finding out if you get mental health treatment, including psychiatric medication.\n\nPlease see a therapist skilled in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Or a psychiatrist. Or both.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeqlqh", "comment_id": "edrtt8q"}, {"question": "Is cheating subjective?", "description": "Personally I think cheating is flirting/initiating something romantic or sexual with another person other than your SO. My previous boyfriend asked his ex for naked pictures and flirted with girls on social media. I considered that cheating, prompting me to leave him.   \n\nHowever others have told me that they wouldn\u2019t consider that cheating since he didn\u2019t physically do anything with a girl, and they see it as a form of pornography. \n\nWould you say that the boundaries for what\u2019s considered cheating in a relationship are an important factor to discuss if I were to get serious with someone? I never knew that people had differing opinions on what they considered to be cheating. ", "answer": "Excellent question. I wouldn't even necessarily talk about it in terms of cheating, but rather in terms of boundaries.  Most would agree that having sex with someone other than your monogamously defined SO is cheating.  Beyond that, yes, it's a very individual notion. But, YOU are totally entitled to feel the way you feel. So if you and a SO are not on the same page, then it's something that definitely has to be worked out for the relationship to be successful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78qsf0", "comment_id": "dow17n7"}, {"question": "doing my own therapy", "description": "So here goes. I am not sure where to post this but I could use some advice from trained therapists. \n\n​\n\nI am on my 6th therapist..well just terminated with my 6th this year. I cannot find a fit and I am so frustrated. I am torn between going to a 7th this Saturday because our text exchange before even meeting has seemed very odd. I still don't know if my gut is telling me to run or not or not go (written in previous post)\n\n​\n\nBut I am trying to reframe this experience so I can keep going.\n\nEven if I haven't found the right therapist, I feel like they are still out there somewhere but I am just afraid I cannot afford it right now or cannot afford to keep throwing hundreds of dollars at this. The system in the US fucking SUCKS.\n\n​\n\nAnyways, in the meantime I have been reading every book I can. Books on empaths, books on CPTSD, books on DBT, CBT, anything and everything about mental health and self-care. I still am not sure what my official diagnosis is yet..as I have not stuck it out long enough with anyone for them to be able to get a clear picture either. But I have been told...GAD, PTSD, Empath and well it has been implied maybe even BPD.\n\n​\n\nMy question is: even though I have not found the right fit, I still have taken some valuable lessons and information from each therapist so that is some kind of progress right? I need to beleive that my growth and healing journey is still going even if I don't have that 1 hour a week support system to bounce ideas off of.\n\n​", "answer": ">My question is: even though I have not found the right fit, I still have taken some valuable lessons and information from each therapist so that is some kind of progress right?\n\nYes, that is absolutely progress. I would say most often change that happens is more about changing trajectories; it may be small in the moment but it large long-term. \n\nThere are times when a big change happens quickly and those are most memorable. But most is the smaller step-by-step progress.\n\nReading books and continuing to try to find someone to work with is good work.  ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ae7vt7", "comment_id": "ednwby3"}, {"question": "Hit two weeks...", "description": "Made it two weeks without touching a drop yesterday :) was so proud of myself! Have been feeling good and thinking about getting back to training in martial arts.  In fact can't wait to!  Then the evening draws in and i find myself at the supermarket, picking up the few usual bits and remembering that it's mothers day on sunday... 'I'll pick her up a bottle of wine' i think.. And find myself with an extra, for me. Should i feel bad about this? The wine didn't last two minutes which to me says i'm still not fixed... will i ever be? Although i feel sure i can now get through the week without an alcohol crutch, i'm still scared of returning to that mentality of 'drunk is better'.. That one bottle reminded me that in my head i still feel like i function better on alcohol. Which isn't the place i want to be in. Now need to fight even harder to stay strong for the rest of the weekend!", "answer": "The term 'fixed' within the confines of sobriety is, in my personal opinion, a fallacy. To your question, \"will i ever be?\" My answer to that if you are indeed an alcoholic is, no you will not ever be fixed. Our disease is always laying in wait, ready to pounce the second we take the first drink, and it's not just gonna go back to normal if you've been sober for x number of days, it will be the same ugly bastard it was the last time you hit bottom. A man in my home group spent 10 years in prison, and he always says, each day he receives a reprieve from his disease, not unlike that of a death row inmate getting a reprieve from the governor. \n\nJust remember that you can do this. It always helps me to look at it as, that first drink is death. It is a serious serious disease, but you can survive it and you can recover.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "19ypn0", "comment_id": "c8sxj7u"}, {"question": "Best sources for practical understanding of psychology & brain physiology?", "description": "I want to have a comprehensive, coherent understanding of how the brain works in a pragmatic, actionable context of self-understanding and development (specifically, for the purpose of reforming habits to live as healthfully and productively as possible). I don't have much free time so the more concise and applicable the information is, the better. What are your favorite sources for information on this topic? Forums, directories, books, sites, podcasts, etc., what are the most helpful that you've encountered? Any suggestions appreciated. Thank you, my dudes.", "answer": "You're asking for a lot in a little time that doesn't really exist. We don't really know how to use the brain to modify habits except for using biofeedback. The brain is so complex, if you want a comprehensive knowledge of it you have years of study ahead of you. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "47gx1v", "comment_id": "d0d85pz"}, {"question": "I think I might have NPD", "description": "I have always known that there is something wrong with me, but I didn't know what. After my last failed attempt at an intimate relationship, I have started reading about BPD (something that was fitting for my symptoms) and then NPD. I think I might suffer from the latter, as well as half of my family, and I am worried that I will end up all alone, in my high tower, having alienated everyone.\n\nI am good looking (not the best, just good) and hypersexual, yet I mostly masturbate. I don't want a partner, unless I perceive him as really desired. In this case, one out of two things happen: either I earn his heart and trust and then alienate him out of fear that he will abandon me (thinking to myself \"Did I do that? Did I seriously do that? Why? Oh, at least it's my fault, so I can fix it next time... it's not that I am unwanted per se)\"; or I win him, then I discover that he's not that great after all, and move on to the next victim without any real regard (\"Suck it up, that's life\").\n\nAs I want to experience real love and intimacy with a partner I desire, I need help ASAP to change my shitty ways and stop manipulating and exploiting people.\n\nMy fears are comical: first of all, I fear that my \"partner\" might think about me in the same way that I think about him. Which is a totally disrespectful way, as an object (of desire), a mere function, an accessory...\n1. He is MY partner, MY sweet-talking vibrator, MY walking erection (caused by ME, of course I can tolerate the though of his dick getting hard for another WOMAN... if he fucks goats, I'm OK with it), MY sweet smile (as long as it's ME making him smile) -\n2. MY pet empath, MY mirror-mirror on the wall, I can shine my brilliance at him and watch him reflect it back on MYSELF with the vibrant power of thousand projectors. He HAS something I lack and desperately crave, he has empathy and can GIVE love, things I lack, but desperately need. Each and every time I think to myself that this time I will make right. But I always do wrong. The harder I try to avoid damage, the worse the damage is.\n3. He's my personal audience, my faithful dog, dare he not be happy being faithful or being a dog, It makes me want to annihilate him. I am vindicative, but I don't take revenge, as I recognize that it won't help. But I have sworn revenge to many people, not only romantic partners, but anyone who disrespects me in any way.\n\nI don't want to talk to people, I want to charm them and capture their minds and hearts. I pretend to listen and understand them, but only because I know that this captures minds and hearts.\n\nI don't want to have sex with men, I want to demonstrate to them my passion and enthusiasm, my bedroom acrobatics, hook them and make them crave me, this is my fantasy. Actually, if I have to be fair, I am a pretty mediocre lover, unless I am enthusiastic about the partner (and myself, and how he looks on me). Then I become ... an enthusiastic partner, which is always good, but nothing very special.\n\nAfter losing a romantic interest to my ego one more time I have decided that I can't afford this cycle to continue. Last time I tried to avoid manipulation and pretense, but things became horrible. I decided to \"show weakness\", but instead I raped emotionally the poor man and I feel awful. I vomited my insecurities and inferiority complexes all over him. \n\nSuch horrible self-inflicted humiliation shattered my ego and I was a barely-functioning zombie for a while. I discovered a website, extensively dealing with NPD on the webs, and I think that it perfectly describes the way my brain works. The funny thing being, these things were always there, but I couldn't see them. My grandiose fantasies, my addictive behavior, total disregard for others, my addiction to flattery, including self-flattery (can't do anything about it - my own ego manipulates me into total submission).\n\nMy own version of empathy - I don't think about others, I will myself to think about others, then quickly start thinking about how I am thinking about others and how empathetic I am.\n\n\nEven after discovering what is wrong, I just can't stop thinking about MYSELF and MY NARCISSISM. \n\n\nProfessionaly, I am doing OK, I  love my job. It's the only thing capable of distracting me of thinking about MYSELF, MY PROBLEMS, MY BRILLIANT PERSONA, etc...\n\n\nI can see how pathetic I am, or more likely, how just OK I am and how huge the gap between my self-image and real self is. It stings my ego, but that's OK.\n\nThe question is, can I learn how to love. Not just men, but my (imperfect) self, our (imperfect) world and to value this imperfect life. Or is this like diabetes, incurable?", "answer": "Narcissists tend not to think of themselves as narcissists...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n4wu", "comment_id": "dffsvia"}, {"question": "Toddlers are...challenging", "description": "Wouldn\u2019t call it an actual craving to drink as I know it wouldn\u2019t help, but it is tough living with a 2ft tall psychopath (one that I love dearly and I know I\u2019ll miss this age eventually)\ud83d\ude1c. Onward!", "answer": "Oh yes. ... I hear you but the booze makes it harder. Stay strong... and be kind to yourself", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "c00s0k", "comment_id": "er3exyw"}, {"question": "Did any of you have to take medication for depression/anxiety after quitting?", "description": "One of the first steps that I took rather than admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable was to see a psychiatrist.  That made the most sense because I was obviously crazy right?!  She has had me on a buffet of medication over the last year with some decent results.  I'm just curious though how everyone feels about medicating and if you have been prescribed medication then what are you taking?", "answer": "I was on Prozac for the first 9ish months of my recovery. I got to the point where I no longer needed the medication and I've been off of it for the last few year. Whenever I start getting depressed again I go see my therapist and generally that's enough to bring me back up. I think if medication is necessary then take medication!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vk0gz", "comment_id": "de2swcp"}, {"question": "Can an adverse reaction to an SSRI cause brain damage?", "description": "Three weeks ago, I was hospitalized due to a severe adverse reaction to Prozac (10mg/day). I took it for six days before I went to the ER, and those days were probably the worst of my life. I was going in and out of catatonia for hours, my heart rate was constantly above 110 bmp, insomnia, constant nightmares, severe constant panic attacks for days, and obsessive self-loathing thoughts; these were all symptoms I never had before. [I wrote about my experience in more detail before.](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/72eank/how_less_than_a_week_on_prozac_sent_me_to_the/)\n\nOnce I was hospitalized and taken off Prozac, I was prescribed Remeron (15mg/day) and Klonopin (.25mg 2-3x/week). The first week I felt nearly back to normal, but these last two weeks my depression has never been worse. The anxiety is bad too, but the depression is all consuming and it's an immense struggle to function even at the lowest level (washing my face, brushing teeth, going to bed, etc.). I don't know what has happened to me and I'm scared the Prozac could have caused permanent damage because I was never in such bad shape before.\n\nI'd really appreciate some answers because it's nearly impossible living this way. (I am seeing a therapist btw, and told them this too).\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'3\"\n* Weight: 100 lbs.\n* Duration of complaint: 2 weeks", "answer": "Quick question from your original post - you describe it an an anxiety induced mania? Is that how your psychiatrist described it?\n\nAlso - your hospital experience is horrendous, albeit confined to the USA. Not UK policy or practice by a long shot, to reassure any British readers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75hly8", "comment_id": "do6h1l8"}, {"question": "Sleeping with someone else after 'breaking up' with someone you weren't technically with", "description": "Okay, so I don't know if this is the correct subreddit to post this in but here goes. \n\nThe other week the guy I was speaking to/seeing privately decided he didn't want to speak to me anymore. Am I wrong for going and having a one night stand that night, very soon after? \n\nAnd if I am wrong, is it justified that I receive messages from his friend called me a slag and such terms? \n\nI feel everyone has different opinions on relationships, seeing each other and sex so I just wanted to see what others out there feel about this as I'm not able to talk to my friends, he didn't want people to know. ", "answer": "if you're not in a committed mono rel. u can do whatever you want ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssgng", "comment_id": "ddhjn52"}, {"question": "Asking advice for weaning off Benzos, will I feel emotions normally again?", "description": "I took lorazepam for a while, accidentally got addicted...made the mental choice to stop because my emotions didn't feel the same. I was completely numb, adrenaline suppressed. Asked to switch, got put on another benzo, clonazepam. Been weaning off for a couple months. I'm down to a half of a .5  pill  a day. Going off the pill entirely my body gets very anxious. Can I comfortably wean off this stuff? I figured going from half to nothing would work. More importantly, will my emotions/neurotransmitters allow me to actually have feelings again? I went on a bunch of roller coasters yesterday, I didn't experience it like I did pre-benzo. Falling in love, taking in the scenery, nothing feels the same, or much like anything. Anyone else have success stories with regulating how they experience feelings after getting off this stuff? ", "answer": "Benzo withdrawals can be dangerous. Consult your doctor. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hmt9t", "comment_id": "caw5p8u"}, {"question": "Desperate for answers.", "description": "I posted this on /r/depression but I didn't get many answers to my question. Anyway, here it is:\n\nI've always known that there's something tangibly 'wrong' with me: I never had any close friends; I was always bullied at school; have never been intelligent or 'driven'; and used to have detailed fantasies about killing people and rampaging with light-machine guns and such stuff. Lately though, as I've become a true adult, life has become impossible - I can't stress this enough.\n\nDue to the stress of not being able to fit in at work or being able to have relationships with people I've started having voices in my head. Now these voices aren't audible; they are more like intrusive thoughts that pop up very aggressively, usually when something bad happens or I've failed at something (I fail everything I ever do).\n\nThese voices tell me weird shit like \"God spits in your face\", \"You are a waste of everyone's time\", \"Kill yourself, you stupid cunt\", \"Hurry up and end yourself\". I don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel or show very little emotion and people at work have always joked that I'm a good candidate for a serial killer (a guy at my last job used to call me 'Bundy'). I enjoy self-harming to relieve stress.\n\nI'm an incredibly slow, lackadaisical person and have been likened to sloth or a zombie; I feel very narcoleptic and depressed very often but have times where also I'm annoying and hyperactive and get on people's nerves. People call me a mixture of things like \"calm\", \"laid-back\" but usually it's negative things like \"retard\", \"idiot\".\n\nI've never been diagnosed with anything, but I'm starting to worry that I might have to kill myself because I can't fit in or have a life worth living. I thought I had autism a few years ago but I can be very good socially, but I don't feel like a human being - more like an outsider or a visual replica of a human.\n\nDoes anyone recognise these symptoms, or am I alone?\n\nThanks :)", "answer": "What you describe could possibly be symptomatic of a few different mental illnesses. Depending on what else is going on in your life it could be anything from Major Depression with Psychotic features to Borderline Personality Disorder. Your best bet is to seek out a mental health provider in your area to get an accurate diagnosis as well as help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1shida", "comment_id": "cdxqwjp"}, {"question": "Terrified of turning 21", "description": "I turn 21 next week, and I\u2019m so freaked out by it. I love celebrating my birthday, but I don\u2019t want to get any older. If anything, I want to be a teenager again and relive those years over and over and over again. I\u2019m not even old, but it still freaks me out. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with this?", "answer": "Dude as someone who is turning 31 next month, the 20s sucked. Being a teen sucked. I'm actually better able to control my emotions and reactions, I am more responsible, and more independent. I never want to go back to that. My life continues to get better", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bjyh5j", "comment_id": "emcls6z"}, {"question": "I thought I was doing better", "description": "So I was recently diagnosed at 20 years old with ADHD and a bunch of other things. I got put on Zoloft about 2 months ago and Abilify 2 weeks ago. I thought I was doing much better when it came to being more social with people and managing my symptoms when it comes to ADHD. I\u2019m a hockey player and I wasn\u2019t really able to play when I first started Zoloft while getting used to it but I was quickly able to get back into things, until today.\n\nMy coach decide to a check to make sure we have everything we need daily, warned us in advance and gave us a list of things he\u2019ll be checking for and if we don\u2019t have everything, we\u2019ll get sent home. I was so focused on getting everything that I forgot my binder, which has all of our plays and team culture written in, the most important thing. So of course I got sent home from practice.\n\nI\u2019m tired of forgetting things all of the time and tired of thinking I\u2019m doing better when in the end I\u2019m just not. How do i not feel like a total failure of a person? Why of all 30 people on this team it has to be me, a third year veteran who should be able to do these simple things? \n\n", "answer": "Zoloft and Abilify are both good meds... for the right problems. They may not be the right meds for you, particularly since they are not for ADHD specifically (Zoloft is an SSRI antidepressant and Abilify is an atypical antipsychotic often prescribed for purposes of mood stabilization and is sometimes used in treatment of ADHD). Have you talked to your doctor about meds specifically for ADHD? There are non-stimulant options available if that\u2019s a concern for you. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aioj0u", "comment_id": "eep8xyh"}, {"question": "Need relationship advice", "description": "Me [24]and my gf [22] have been together for almost two years. At first she was ok with me jerking off to porn, eventually she told me that it bugged her and she understands that I only do it to help me fall asleep or when she is not in the mood. But it still bugs her. She has told me the reason it bugged her was because it made her feel a bit insecure about herself. And it also reminded her of how her father use to watch movies or show just to see sex scenes and it would bring up bad memories. ", "answer": "Porn is a tricky topic because it involves personal values AND it may or may not have anything to do with the relationship one is in.\nif you're not ok with porn as an activity, then the rel. won't work unless he feels similarly.\nif you are ok with porn from a values perspective, the next question is; is porn preferable to being with one's SO? if the answer is yes, that individual needs therapy.\nif you are ok with porn as an activity, and someone is involved with porn in a way that does not interfere with the relationship at all, then it shouldn't be a problem. the way playing a lot of golf may or may not interfere with quality time with a SO.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62a3uw", "comment_id": "dfkzls2"}, {"question": "D&d club", "description": "People who have a d&d club at school, what are the rules? I am trying to start one at my school", "answer": "You will probably need a teacher or other staff member to be a sponsor for it. I would ask your teachers to see if anyone is interested and they can tell you how it would work at your school.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d310a0", "comment_id": "ezyaxx2"}, {"question": "Metoprolol succinate 12.5", "description": "25 yo female taking 12.5 mg once daily for palpitations. I was on 25mg up until October when my doctor allowed me to cut my dose in half. Over the past few months I have been experiencing weight gain, hair loss, and general fatigue. Are these normal side effects?\n\nI am thinking of stopping metoprolol but I know quitting cold turkey is usually not recommended. Is 12.5mg a small enough dose where quitting cod turkey would be ok? ", "answer": "Fatigue and lowered mood are possible side effects. Weight gain would be unusual, and hair loss extremely so. What you're describing could be an endocrine problem like hypothyroidism. Has that been tested?\n\n12.5 mg is half a tablet, right? That's the lowest dose, and almost certainty safe to discontinue. It would be hard to find a lower dose to take without special formulation by a compounding pharmacy!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a264k", "comment_id": "dwvagbb"}, {"question": "Girlfriend pushes me away when in leave", "description": "This is a really long story but bare with me, Ive never asked a question on reddit but I got nobody else to ask so ill give it a shot. I had been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, we met shortly before i left for university in another city so we kinda just left things open, but still kept in close touch while i was gone.  As we talked more, and i came back for vacations, and she even came to visit me a couple times, we fell in love with each other and now i cant picture my life without her. after every time i saw her, we'd get more sad to see each other leave.  Even though we agreed to kept things open for the months i was gone, we both never slept with anyone (me because im a loser and i have no chance with anyone anyway), because we were so in love with each other, even tho she could have many times.  But the last week or two of me being gone, she slept with like 3 different guys.  Even tho we both agreed to be open, i didn't expect to fall for her like i did, and if she wanted to have sex with other guys, she couId have done it throughout the year, not all in the week before i get back. So that really bothered me.  I think it has something to do with her missing intimacy with someone she loves to the point where she just fills the void with whoever she wants (shes SUPER hot and could literally have any guy she wants).  Anyway now that im back for the summer weve gotten so close, but she insists that when i leave, we keep things open cause she cant handle it.  Everytime were away from eachother (even for a day), we fight over something stupid cause she gets upset at me cause she wants to be next to me.  I know for a fact that when i leave, shes gonna fuck as many guys as she can cause she hates the feeling of being alone and i dont like it. Idk if that all made sense but thats the situation im in,  i really love her and i dont want our relationship to end, but i know she wont be able to handle me being away for so long so she'll basically push me away and \"force\" me to break up with her by acting like a slut and picking fights with me.  I dont understand why thats her reaction to me being gone.  Anyway any help would be appreciated as to what i should do, or how i should handle this. Ask questions if u don't understand or i left something out, cause i know its hella complicated.  Thanks to everyone!\n\nUpdate: thanks to everyone for the advice, i think a lot of what makes me so upset is i dont really do anything with girls when im away, so its kinda like her doing all this stuff, and im just sitting at home waiting for her to text me (full if jealousy). I guess me not doing anything is a whole other problem in itself but i thought id share that.", "answer": "Your \"girlfriend\" is actually being really honest and respectful with you here. She's not hiding the fact that she can't deal with the loneliness with anything other than sex. She's let you know up front that she's going to be with other guys if you're not there. Loneliness can be such an incredibly overwhelming emotion that people will do just about anything to feel a little relief from it. \n\nYou have to decide if you're willing to live like this. Her needs and fears aren't going to change, and honestly, they don't have to. You also have to remember that the closer she feels to you the MORE loneliness she feels when you're not there. So, she's constantly having to battle pushing you away in order to minimize the feelings for you vs. getting closer and risking hurting you. She's in a no-win scenario here in her mind.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6et6ql", "comment_id": "did3kxr"}, {"question": "Scared of constant suicidal thoughts", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Yep! I was thinking this same thing today haha. I laugh because that's all you can do really. Keep fighting the good fight ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8dzwzn", "comment_id": "dxrakoq"}, {"question": "Saturday Shares!", "description": "Starting again!\n\nSpots available every Saturday. We had a lot of no shows last string, which sort of sucks, because I think they are really powerful.\n\nSaturday March 23rd: [AFunnyName](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1av3x4/saturday_sharemarch_23_2013/)\n\nSaturday March 30th: [CalgaryRichard](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1bbr6t/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday April 6th: [futurestorms](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1btgwz/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday April 13th: [Slipacre Part 1](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1c9hj8/saturday_share_part_1_going_down/) [Part 2](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1c9hrb/saturday_share_part_two_recovery/)\n\nSaturday April 20th: [WIAVSM](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1cqw2o/saturday_share_wiavsm/)\n\nSaturday April 27th: [sgreenha](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1d8bw9/saturday_share_427/)\n\nSaturday May 4th: [TheLastGallifreyan](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1dma52/saturday_share_4_may/)\n\nSaturday May 11th: chinopkt\n\nSaturday May 18th: VA_Mom\n\nSaturday May 25th: juliand89\n\nSaturday June 1st: mountainfail\n\nSaturday June 8th: coleomegilla\n\nSaturday June 15th: [spaceman_37](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1ge2zn/saturday_share_wall_of_text/)\n\nSaturday June 22nd: [thats_quite_enough](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1gv3un/saturday_share/)\n\nSaturday June 29th: [missfestival](http://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1hb5cd/saturday_share_62913_missfestival/)\n\nSaturday July 6th: Kaysuhdiller\n\nSaturday July 13th:\n\nSaturday July 20th: flavorraven\n\nSaturday July 27th:\n\n\nThat's it for now. Sign up and commit!\n\n\nWe are also asking that the person doing their share to message whoever signed up to do the next share. With all our responsibilities it's tough to remember all the commitments we make. So help everyone out and send a friendly reminder!\n\n\n", "answer": "What's the requirement? If I meet it I'll take this Saturday(the 23rd).", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1as5t8", "comment_id": "c90aelj"}, {"question": "I'm a 24 F who lives with a 24M. Does anyone have experience breaking up with someone they live with?", "description": "Hey guys. I've been dating my bf for 4 years, lived with him for 1. In the past couple months I've come to the really painful decision of realizing I need to break up with him. \n\nI love him a lot, but he has been casually rude/mean to me on a regular basis for the last year or so. Anytime I bring it up he acts like it's just my perception of things, he doesn't need to change his behavior, and I need to just deal with my feelings. It's been making me feel crazy for a while, and I'm sick of living like this. I've tried to talk to him about it seriously several times, but he always blows me off/doesn't take me seriously. I don't think he's ever going to change, to the point I doubt he's going to take me seriously initially  when I break up with him.\n\nHowever, several things. I've never broken up with anyone before, we live together, and we just got a new roommate a week ago. It's bad timing, but I don't really want to stay in this situation longer for it to be good timing. I've picked a weekend two weeks from now to do it because he's got a rough week at work this week/weekend, and I don't want to do it during the week so he's stuck going to work right after a breakup.\n\n We've vaguely talked about this possibility in the past. Since my name is on the lease our agreement was that he'd take 30 days to move out, regardless of who broke up with who. I'm willing to give him longer if he needs it. But since I've never done this before, is there anything else I should watch out for besides general shittiness/heartbreak on everyone's part?\n\nTL;DR Have you broken up with a partner you lived with? What did you wish you could tell yourself about the experience before doing it?", "answer": "I was in a very similar situation several years ago: dated for 5 years, lived together for about 2, and once the relationship was tanking he said he'd move out, as I was also the primary person on the lease and all the furniture was mine, in a relatively big apartment. He was also rude and dismissive.\n\nBut when I made the call to end it, he wasn't particularly interested in leaving. Most likely because I was making the final call, not him. He initially wanted to still live there as just a roommate, but after a week it was clearly a terrible idea. I had to maintain a very calm, polite, but somewhat cold approach and keep re-iterating that he needed to move out. We talked about how I could move out instead, sort of, but we both knew that didn't make sense. He would have had nothing in a huge empty apartment, and didn't really have the means to fill it with furniture immediately. There were lots of awkward discussions. It was stressful. Eventually he left. There was arguing over stuff, even though it seemed like all our belongings were clearly his or hers. I let him take stuff I should not have, just to get him out, not sure if that was better or stupid.\n\nEveryone reacts differently to a break-up, but I think your best approach is to be calm but very very firm on your boundaries. Set a plan and stick to it. GOOD LUCK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3ji1qb", "comment_id": "cupgn4t"}, {"question": "In a tough spot with Kaiser...looking for second opinion or advice", "description": "Good Morning all! I will try to make this as concise as possible. \n\nI was diagnosed it a 3mm pituitary microadenoma almost exactly one year ago. It was found after I went to an OBGYN for some issues I was having with sudden weight gain, cystic acne, and irregular and painful periods. They diagnosed me with PCOS and sent me to the lab for some blood work. I had 3 blood tests in a row come back with high prolactin levels. They send me to an endocrinologist who ran some additional tests and sent me to get an MRI where they found the tumor initially. \n\nI changed birth controls at my OBGYN's guidance right around this time to help better manage my PCOS symptoms. As soon as I changed birth controls my monthly Prolactin levels were back to low-normal levels. \n\nFast forward to a few weeks ago, I went for my follow up yearly MRI and they sent me the following notes from my MRI:\n\nINDICATION: Follow-up pituitary adenoma\n\nCOMPARISON: 7/24/2017\n\nTECHNIQUE: Multiplanar, multisequence MRI of the brain and pituitary\n\nwere performed before and after the intravenous administration of 7.5\n\nMILLILITER GADAVISTV1. \n\nFindings:\n\nOn today's exam, there is an area of hypoenhancement in the right\n\naspect of the pituitary measuring 5 mm concerning for a microadenoma.\n\nThe area of hypoenhancement in the left aspect of the pituitary is not\n\nseen. Infundibulum is midline. No mass effect on the optic nerves or\n\noptic chiasm. Cavernous sinuses are normal.\n\nThe brain is normal in signal intensity and morphology. No mass lesion\n\nor abnormal enhancement is identified. The ventricles, sulci, and\n\ncisterns are age-appropriate in size and configuration. The major\n\nintracranial flow voids appear intact.\n\nIMPRESSION: \n\nArea of hypoenhancement measuring 5 mm in the right aspect of the\n\npituitary concerning for microadenoma\n\nAfter this my Endocrinologist had me do a blood cortisol test which came back high. They also ordered an ACTH test, another blood cortisol test, and I did a 24 hour urine test for cortisol. I am still waiting on the results for these.\n\nI have Kaiser, so it has been incredibly difficult to get quality time to talk this over with my endocrinologist and I feel like I just want a second opinion but Kaiser makes it incredibly difficult to do this. Even getting my medical records has been a struggle that I am still working through. \n\nMy main concern is in the findings from the MRI they say it is \"concerning for a microadenoma\" but my doctor doesn't really seem that concerned.  Is this wording common for MRI findings--what does \"concerning\" mean in this context?\n\nIf it helps I am 27 years old. I do have some symptoms that have started in the past two months that are strange such as frequent headaches and has become really incredibly difficult to lose weight even while eating relatively healthy and tracking my nutrition. I am slightly overweight at 169 and 5 ft 7. I have also been having some issues with my blood sugar levels, even though I eat a lower carb diet (try to stick under 70-80g/ day).\n\nSorry--I know this is a lot to read! I am really just looking for any advice or words of wisdom with dealing with issues with the pituitary.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated I have been quite worried about all of these tests and just want to make sure that I make the best decision for my health. \n\nThanks for taking the time to read this!\n\nTLDR; Growing pituitary microadenoma; Doctor seems unconcerned. Kaiser makes it difficult to feel taken care of. Advice wanted.", "answer": "\"Concerning for X\" means that the imaging shows a result likely to be X, not that X is necessarily cause for a high level of concern. The joke in medicine is that radiologists never outright state anything. What they see is   \n\"consistent with X,\" \"concerning for Y\" and \"possible Z,\" and they recommend \"clinical correlation\" by the initial doctor.\n\nIt sounds like there are still results pending, and after that you should have a follow-up with the endocrinologist to discuss best next steps. The management might be surgical and might not be, but it doesn't sound as though it's something highly urgent.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97ssi4", "comment_id": "e4aq1oj"}, {"question": "I (21F) am considering breaking up with (30M) partner", "description": "Posting on a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my reddit username. So my current boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years and its the first serious relationship for both of us. When I first became interested in him there were a lot of things about him that worried me- he had been in the same dead end job for a decade because he hasn't finished uni, still was living at home and smoked a lot of weed (I have nothing against it but I think it can definitely affect you if you're smoking it every day). In spite of this he had a wonderful personality- very sweet, sensitive, respectful, generous and a true gentleman which is really hard to come across these days. In the 1st year/year and a half of our relationship he finally quit his job and found a good one working in the field he's studying and cut down drastically on how much weed he was smoking- I was super proud of him because I never asked or pressured him to do any of this and it seemed like our relationship had inspired him to make changes. Unfortunately in the last 6 months things have gone downhill. I've noticed how short tempered and impatient he can be with his family as a result of being quite spoilt his whole life (he's often like a bratty kid) and how extremely negative his outlook on life is. It's gotten progressively worse to the point where being around him is draining. In addition to this I'm getting extremely frustrated by the fact he's still living at home with his mother doing his washing, ironing and cooking with no foreseeable plans to become an adult and move out. It just doesn't seem right that even with our 9 year age gap I'm a lot more mature than he is. I've tried to have serious chats with him about all this but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I still love him very much and want it to work but I'm scared of wasting my early 20s in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Should I lay it on the line and give him a certain amount of time to get his shit together or just end it now?\n\n\n**TL;DR - boyfriend is a nice person but immature and still living at home, not sure whether to give him another chance or end it**", "answer": "I would talk to him about very specific things you're concerned about and need for him to change.  If he doesn't/won't/can't change, you have a big decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qavet", "comment_id": "dcxq0ny"}, {"question": "Can anyone suggest any adhd-friendly productivity or self-care hacks?", "description": "I always lose my glasses so I bought three pairs. Now, when one is misplaced, I immediately find one of the others and can proceed to get to work on time. Buying more pairs of glasses has done wonders for the time it takes for me to leave the house and for my over all mental health as I dont stress as much looking for my one missing pair all over again. Pricey, but I have adjusted to myself. \n\nCan anyone else suggest any similar adjustments youve made for your condition that may be helpful?", "answer": "Putting certain things in exactly the same place every single times. E.g. my work ID does not leave my bag front pocket unless it is clipped the fuck on my pants. As someone else has said, a key that NEVER goes inside, it is in my hand or where it lives.\n\nIf I can do it within 5 minutes, I do it right now. I open a bill at the front door, I pay the bill at the front door, even if my daughter has to wait for me to do it.\n\nI'm currently trying the \"don't put it down, put it away\" but really struggling with that.\n\nOk Google is my best friend. \"Ok Google remind me at 8pm to do the online shopping.\"", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bt7m8u", "comment_id": "eoz7q58"}, {"question": "I'm not the only one who doesn't like to date/have sex with people unless I really like them, right?", "description": "I am not into hook up culture at all. I like romance, not overly schmoopy, but I like the emotional connection. I can't just like anyone. I am not the only one like that right? It sometimes feels like that.", "answer": "I hate hookup culture mostly due to the fact that people blur the lines of consent because it's just a part of the culture. :|", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "3nnd0p", "comment_id": "cvptxg5"}, {"question": "im so confused..", "description": "I\u2019d been seeing this guy for a few months, things were amazing, we had been staying with each other a very large amount of time. Small back story, we met at a music event and instantly vibed together. Over the next few months he was the sweetest most loving boy I\u2019ve ever been with. He let me be my own person, did not ever get verbally abusive with me, nada. Well last night we got into a huge fight and I just shut down (a bad habit of mine) and it seemed like he just snapped because I would not let him in. He flipped the couch that I was trying to sleep on & then flipped it on top of me. I proceeded to stand up, very confused and he quickly made his way to me and picked me up and pressed me against the wall, screaming at me. I reverted to a passive mode because that was the only logical thing I thought to do for my own safety. I had to coddle him for the next hour because I was afraid he would rage out again. He left within the next two hours. So my question is, in your best thoughts/idea, what happened? Will he do this again? Technically we didn\u2019t break up but there has been no contact since. Is there any chance it was a one time thing or should I get out for good? I still have very strong feelings, but I have always promised myself I would never let a man lay his hands on me.. and this one did.", "answer": "I'm so sorry you went through that. Nothing justifies his reaction. He needs help to accept he has no right to treat his partners that way and you need safety. What you both need may not be possible to obtain within this relationship. \n\nYou value your physical and emotional safety. Consider how staying will impact your alignment to your values. What other values are you willing to be out of alignment with? \n\nWhether you choose to stay or go, I highly recommend you connect with a domestic violence counselor to help you process this incident and the impact this relationship has on your well-being. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233.  They can help you find a local DV counselor and can also help you find shelter if you are in danger. Know that you are strong, deserving of love and not at fault for what he did.", "topic": "domesticviolence", "post_id": "gc1fa3", "comment_id": "fp8s9q0"}, {"question": "Prescription translation", "description": "Hello, so I know this is for restoril, but I'm wondering what's written under it and what it means. See link below! Thank you :)\n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/fse0v", "answer": "Quick question (sorry for hijacking the thread) - isn't there regulations in the US regarding prescriptions? Most of mine are electronically printed, but when I do write scripts I always use block capitals and no abbreviations. Honestly, im not sure any pharmacy in the UK would accept this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6emwan", "comment_id": "dibu4u2"}, {"question": "This subreddit is legitimately overwhelming at times", "description": "Just sorting by new is enough to hurt my heart. So many hurt people asking for help with no responses. Over 125,000 subs, yet most seem to have either have given up or just dont care to frequent this sub. It's hard to think up of stuff to say, in fear that you might hurt someone.\n\nI legitimately hope everyone here lives a better life. <3", "answer": "Im just here to help as I do as a professional face to face to people. Still, this stuff is heavy and really helping someone requires energy, of which I have a limited amount.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4kstf", "comment_id": "ej7nsne"}, {"question": "Not feeling life whatsoever today....", "description": "That is all", "answer": "This was me on Tuesday, and it definitely was not a new feeling!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97nrly", "comment_id": "e4a2q9m"}, {"question": "Meeting the girl for the first time tommorow... How to not act stupid and awkward?", "description": "So yesterday, i was bored and it was 2am. One girl posted her ask.fm link and because we both love the same music style (classic rock, fuck yeah) i started asking her questions about bands etc.\n\n\nWe were texting for the whole night, we ended up saying goodbye to eachother at 5am. I refused to text her on facebook, because i hate meeting people on this stupid site, i prefer meeting people, especially girls in real life, because i had a lot more success with them irl than on facebook.\n\n\nAnyway, looks like we'll go to the same concert this saturday and she said that I need to immediatly talk to her if i see her there. I'm still new at meeting girls since i never had self confidence but since hitting the gym, my mentality changed and so did my confidence. I'm looking for tips on how to approach to this girl without being goofy and awkward at all. I'm also looking for more than friendship, so maybe any flirting tips? \n\n\nThanks.", "answer": "The best way to act stupid and awkward is to worry about acting stupid and awkward.   Relax, take a few deep breathes and remember.  The worst case scenario is that she doesn't like you.   That's about as bad as it gets.   It doesn't feel great, but it's not going to ruin your life.   \n\nAlso, no matter what happens you will learn something from this and it will help you in the future.   So even if it doesn't go great, the next time will be better.  \n\nSo just take it easy, focus on getting to know her and enjoy her company.   Oh and she's probably just as nervous as you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3gyn5c", "comment_id": "cu2sfvn"}, {"question": "Could there be an underlying cause for my symptoms?", "description": "Good afternoon fellow redditors!\nI'm hoping that someone could shed some light or give me advice regarding symptoms I've been experiencing and if there may be an underlying cause responsible for them or if they are multiple issues. I recently went to a new doctor and she ordered several tests that I am waiting for, but a few I've already received the results for. Would like to ask more educated questions and request specific tests based in what may be causing my problems. \n\n\n\nMain issue that's bogging me down: fatigue. I am tired regardless if I sleep or don't sleep, if I sleep well or sleep poorly, if I sit on my butt and do nothing or have a really active day. To make a tech analogy, I feel like a phone with a battery that doesn't fully charge and then depletes way too quickly. This has been happening for about 1.5 years and is getting noticeably worse. \n\n\n\nOther big issue: recurring infections. Since the summer of 2015, I keep getting sinus or sinus related infections. My most recent sinus infection happened in mid November, which then progressed into an ear infection in December.  I took 3 rounds of oral antibiotics and 1 ear drop medication and my ear didn't start feeling better until earlier this month (February). The ear infection is still not 100% gone, but it seems to finally be healing.  My ear is now itchy instead of painful and I only have minimal discharge compared to the constant, heavy discharge of fluid I had before. I went to an ENT specialist and he said my sinuses look great and he suggested I investigate the possibility of immune/autoimmune problems if my sinus and ear problems persist. \n\n\n\n\nI have no idea if this is relevant or indicative of anything, but I have noticed black lines on my fingernails recently. They are very thin, black or dark brown perhaps, and vertical. I also have a very large brown/black spot on my right big toe that looks like I hit myself with a hammer or something, but I don't recall hitting my toe on anything. It is different from the lines on my fingernails as it is much, much larger and not in thin, vertical stripes. Can this be a sign of anything? Most Google results for nail related problems link to beauty blogs... \n\n\n\n\nOther things that might be worth mentioning:\nI just had multiple thyroid tests done and while my TSH and T4 were normal, I had an abnormal results for thyroid antibodies. The results showed a normal range of 0-9 but my results was just below 1,600. I have a long family history of hypo and hyper thyroidism in my family. \n\n\n\n\nMy white blood cell count is always slightly low. As part of my annual physical, I have gotten a basic blood tests.  The normal range on the report is listed as 3.8 to 10.8 and in 2015 I was at 3.7, in 2016 I was at 3.6 and this year I wound up right at 3.8. \n\n\n\n\nI have normal iron levels, normal iron bindiding capacity but low ferritin levels per my latest blood test. \n\n\n\nI have a family history of thyroid problems, and heart disease and my father has diabetes as well as psoriatic arthritis  although he is the only person in my extended and immediate  family that has or has ever had diabetes and psoriatic arthritis while the thyroid and heart issues are wide spread in my extended family. \nI personally have no history of any medical problems other than eczema when I was a child. Unfortunately I do not recall the specific type but I remember that it was a fairly uncommon type of eczema most common in prepubescent kids. \n\n\nThank you for the input! \n", "answer": "Some demographics (age/sex/location/etc)?\n\nAlso - how is your day typically structured? Do you work?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vehpt", "comment_id": "de1hcpf"}, {"question": "So my therapist invalidated me today? Am I wrong about this?", "description": "TW all the way, you can skip and read the tl;dr here:\n\ntl;dr: I have sexual triggers but no memory of a sexual trauma. My therapist told me the triggers might come from my childhood trauma. Now I don't know how to feel. Is this common?\n\nSo I have those triggers like\n\n* going to the obgyn\n\n* having sex\n\n* mention of sexual assault and the like, in RL or tv ect.\n\n* being in a (public) situation that may or may not result in me being assaulted, e.g. speaking to a stranger/ walking alone alongside stranger(s). My thoughts just spiral till I am convinced they want to assault me.\n\nThat results always in panic/ distress and can result in heavy panic attacks/ disassociation.\n\nFurthermore I sometimes feel the urge to get rid of my sexual organs, like ripping them out of me because they feel rotten and disgusting and I feel like carrying a dead weight.\n\nI do struggle with urges of self harm too, because I feel the need to \"cut it out\", don't know what it is, but it doesn't belong there and I just feel it. This one may be related to another trauma tho.\n\nI do not have a memory of being r*** before but minor assaults. I do not remember 60% of my life.\n\nI told her My triggers and she asked about my family and there was a lot \"only\" verbal and psychological abuse, so I just never linked it together because I have other triggers too that \"fit\" childhood trauma \"better\".\n\nMy therapist told me that my \"sexual triggers\" might come from my childhood trauma.\n\nAnd I just... I can't breathe. I feel so invalidated and I just wanted to ask are there people having \"sexual triggers\" from verbal/psychological abuse? As I have no clear memory of a distinct event I'm not bound to the idea there *has* to be something that happened I don't remember.\n\nBut as a part of working on myself I tried to understand my triggers and separate them between 3 traumas, and one was the possible sexual trauma.\n\nI don't know how to feel about this and I think I need help. Does someone have triggers that don't really match their trauma? Is this common?", "answer": "Where there's smoke, there's fire, as the saying goes. The ambiguous facts would seem to point to past rape or sexual assault experience. However, you dissociate, and do not recall any such experience, and in the absence of such memory it isn't clear that it must have occurred; It is at least possible that there is some other explanation, though personally I find that rather implausible. A cautious therapist might be concerned about giving you ideas that can't be proven, or even participating in the generation of false memories. In my experience, however, what you are describing is overwhelmingly likely to be post traumatic stress secondary to sexual abuse you do not remember due to the dissociation. Verbal and physical, non-sexual abuse does not produce the sort of symptoms you describe.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "ewmv6o", "comment_id": "fg37vfa"}, {"question": "First time session - therapist talked about their life coaching program and their essential oils side business (red flag? or am I just paranoid?or biased?)", "description": "I saw a licensed therapist for the first time today and I have doubts about seeing her again, I'd like your unbiased perspective. I am a crisis counselor (unlicensed, we are supervised by a licensed therapist) and feel my work might be impacting my views.\n\nOn my intake I had expressed my feelings of being stuck,being overwhelmed, lacking motivation and wanted to be more assertive and be able to feel better and figure out what I wanted out of life. I've recently been crying at work for 3 days on a row and that is highly abnormal for me - therefore I sought help , because I was concerned this could be depression and want to get a handle on it BEFORE it gets really bad.\n\nThe therapist was nice and personable and had some good insights and questions that made me reflect and be introspective. However, in the middle of the session they pointed me to their life coaching website which she showed me on her computer, and her self-guided program for \"women like me\" and went on to explain for a few minutes why they had it. It seemed interesting, but that is not what I came to a therapist for. I lack motivation, a self-guided program won't give me the accountability I desire from therapy.\n\nWhile I was on her computer, she had her doTerra website on another tab (this is relevant later). If you aren't familiar with doTerra they are an MLM scheme ([r/antimlm](https://www.reddit.com/r/antimlm/)) and are very predatory. I have no issue with essential oil use at all - I have an issue with the company and its tactics.\n\nTherapist continues to state I should make more friends organically, and she happens to host events for women to meet other women in a safe space at catered events she throws, she charges for attendance of course, but she has them every week and the first event is \"Essential oils 101\" and how she is making a huge push into essential oils now, which I'll assume are doTerra.\n\nThat is how we ended the session. She made some great points, but I cannot help but feel like a cash grab for some reason. As a crisis counselor we do not even suggest support groups in the first sessions because we want to make sure people are at a mental state to do it. I don't see how a Essential Oils event will help me, if it was a skill building thing related to my issues, great! this does not seem like it.\n\nAm I biased because of my career? or?", "answer": "Very weird , definitely red flag. Totally inappropriate to use her influence to sell stuff ! \n\nI am curious what type of license she has, may be a direct violation .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fayd68", "comment_id": "fj187q8"}, {"question": "Coming off BC after 10+ years", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I felt so much better off the pill. I had some increased shedding but a good volume if not all grew back. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "a9zz9k", "comment_id": "ecocs1g"}, {"question": "Question about breakdowns and stress", "description": "Hey guys,\n\n​\n\nLast spring, I had a breakdown, there was just a lot of stress. I seemed to manage everything in my life pretty well, but had my first breakup and for some reason that just made me not able to handle any stress. It affected every part of my life.\n\n​\n\nI've taken a break from school and what I normally did, didn't really know what else to do, but did find a job and explored a new hobby during my time off. I don't know if my life needs to change completely though, before this breakdown I was a pretty disciplined hard worker. I liked to work hard and play hard. I usually would lift weights for strength training and my schoolwork was engineering and required good time management/focus on my part, but I got it done. I studied in groups, hung out with people outside of schoolwork, and felt like a pretty healthy picture of a person.\n\n​\n\nNow, these things seem a bit out of reach still. I don't seem to handle stress as well as I could in the past and it shows because I don't really live the life I used to. It certainly is depressing/anxiety inducing which is one thing I'm working through. I am struggling though because I'm not sure what goals I should postpone or restructure. I don't want to have another breakdown because of stress. What advice do you guys have for being afraid of another breakdown I guess? I think I'm also afraid I won't ever be my old self.", "answer": "Well.... it may help to think about it this way or not.  You're never going to be your old self for better or worse.  Every single day, every single new experience, every single new choice, you become someone who's different than the person before.  \n\n\nAs far as goals go, focus on what you want to work towards.  If you have another breakdown, you have another break down.  At least this time as the new person you are you can have the confidence that it's happened before and you were able to bounce back, so you'll be able to bounce back again if it happens in the future.  Given that you've probably learned some things and acquired some new skills along the way, a future break down probably wouldn't even be as bad as the first.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aqyhe0", "comment_id": "egjhzv7"}, {"question": "Is this a normal taper schedule for Zoloft?", "description": "Age 24\nSex F\nHeight 5\u2019\nWeight 100lb\nRace White\nDuration of complaint N/A\nLocation (Geographic and on body) New England, USA\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) Anxiety\nCurrent medications (if any) Zoloft (see below)\n\nAfter careful consideration and discussion with my doctor I have decided to taper off of Zoloft. I have been on 100 mg daily since I was 14. I tapered from 100 to 75 and 75 to 25 by just switching from one dose to the next and then waiting about a month before taking the next step down. I had no discontinuation symptoms whatsoever during this stage. For the jump from 25 to 0 by doctor gave me a somewhat convoluted schedule where she wants me to take it every other day for two weeks then every three days for a week and then for some reason wait two days and then take one last pill. \n\nI\u2019ve done quite a bit of research online and spoken to people I know who have tapered off of SSRIs and I haven\u2019t seen any evidence for a tapering schedule like this. It feels to me like I\u2019m just messing my brain up by taking the medicine away and reintroducing it and then taking it away again over and over again. A week in and I\u2019m starting to have discontinuation symptoms- dizziness, brain zaps, and headaches. \n\nAnyways, my question is does anyone know if there is actually reason behind tapering this way? Is there proper research and evidence for this? Should I get a second opinion?", "answer": "There isn't much in the way of good data for SSRI tapers, period. Zoloft isn't entirely out of your system after one or two days, so there's some reasoning behind taking it on alternate days, but why not take 12.5 mg instead? If you really want a slower taper, you could use the liquid form and decrease by as little as you want at any interval.\n\nYou could get a second opinion and find someone who would encourage doing it differently, but again, there's not a lot of strong evidence. You'd find people to say that it's best to do it slower. You'd also find doctors who would (wrongly, in my opinion) say that it should just be a few days and done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl4w43", "comment_id": "emm06r2"}, {"question": "Cough Medicine (for children as an adult) and other meds like Advil/Tylenol.", "description": "24, Male, 5'8\", 182, White, 2 days after the sore throat (4 days in total), throat & head (left temple), \"diagnosed\" w/ Cluster Headaches (left temple), taken 2 Ex Strength Tylenol tablets.\n\nHaving a super bad cough (had some bad strep throat (hard to sallow) for the last two days but it's gone) and my cluster headache is acting up (as usual during the night.)\n\nMy question is, as an adult, what dosage do I need for Children's Triacting Night Time Cold & Cough (cause I bought the wrong formula Ig) as I'm sure taking the kids amount won't be all that helpful.\n\nAlso, will it affect or be affected by Advil or Tylenol? Advil works the best but can cause some pretty bad shit. Tried Tylenol last night and it didn't make it go away entirely.", "answer": "A quick search shows that what you bought is probably a combination of diphenhydramine \\(Benadryl\\) and phenylephrine. Both are safe to combine with Tylenol and/or Advil.\n\nWithout seeing the bottle I don't know exactly what you have or what a normal dose would be. The recommended adult dose of phenylephrine is 10 mg, with the caveat that recent research \\(and that's going back decades\\) is not terribly encouraging on its use as a decongestant, and its infamous among medical students as the classic example of tachyphylaxis\u2014if you take it for more than a few days it stops working entirely.\n\nBenadryl is usually taken at 25\\-50 mg. It's a fine antihistamine, which means it'll help with allergic stuffiness or runny nose, but it does little to nothing for a cold.\n\nNeither of these medications, alone or in combination, will help a sore throat that isn't because of nasal congestion and post\\-nasal drip. For that you'll probably do better with standard pain killers.\n\nIf you have cluster headaches, have you gotten the standard headache treatments? 100% oxygen or a triptan like sumatriptan?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8il5dn", "comment_id": "dysnyov"}, {"question": "Self-realization: I can't smoke anymore because I want to quit drinking (for good)", "description": "I've been trying to get sober for 3 years. Longest sober time is 62 days. I've just realized my cycle is to smoke marijuana until it's gone, then get some vodka to smooth over the lack of marijuana, and sometimes that ends very badly (i.e. full blown active addiction for weeks or months). Specifically I smoke wax and it's so convenient because I can \"vape\" it anywhere and feel more normal (I also have borderline personality disorder, along with cognitive dysfunction). Anyways, my sudden realization that I must give up marijuana is striking me as a revelation and a tragic loss at the same time. I might have to go back to therapy (most likely will). I'm sick of substances, how reliant I am on them. But I feel like I'll go legit insane if I give up marijuana. I'm writing this to see if anyone else has had this revelation and how it worked out for you. BPD always looking for connections too ha. I'm grateful for finding this reddit site, I had never thought to look here for support! Have a good, sober day everyone.", "answer": "Hey, just wanted to drop a note and say come check out r/leaves if you haven't already.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5f6cq1", "comment_id": "dahu86d"}, {"question": "Exercising with high heart rate (anxiety/depression)", "description": "I'm a 31 year old caucasian female. (Height 5ft9, weight around 9 1/2 stone). I'm currently going through a breakup and have also just moved to a new city, and am dealing with depression and anxiety. \nFor the last month my heart rate has been higher than it should be (around 100). I've been to the doctor, they did an ECG and blood tests, which came back fine, so it's most likely just down to the anxiety. \n\nI'd like to start doing some exercising to help boost my mood, but I'm worried about doing so when my heart rate is already high. I'm also not managing to eat very much at the moment.\n\nI've started 50mg of sertraline as of one week ago. \n\nIs it safe for me to do some sort of exercise currently?\n\nThanks", "answer": "A high resting heart rate doesn\u2019t mean you should avoid exercise. Go ahead.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjcffj", "comment_id": "evcequr"}, {"question": "My overactive intelligence makes me a total buzzkill. How do I just relax?", "description": "I require constant intellectual stimulation. Even if I'm drunk at a party or a bar, I'll still attempt to impose something intellectual onto the situation. I'll watch the crowds and analyze the social dynamics, I'll study the moves of the good dancers, I'll pair off with the other wallflowers and talk about science and philosophy.\n\nApparently, I don't know how to just chill out and have a good time, and as a result, I'm kind of boring and dry, which of course doesn't get me invited out. At all.\n\nThis sucks. I'm kind of tired of being an observer, I want to be a participant every once in a while too. I want to be able to cut loose and have some \"so I was drinking with friends\" stories that don't involve me making a complete and utter fool out of myself, like the ones that I do have. And for what It's worth, I think the events in those stories have kind of scared me off from relaxing while drinking, at least while in company. I did some insanely stupid things, and now I'm  *very* observant about how much I drink, who I'm drinking with, where I'm drinking, and in order to keep from going full retard again, I try to keep myself functioning on a higher level.\n\nIt's not just in party situations though. It's all the time. Basically, I can't relax intellectually. I'm always analyzing, dissecting, and rationalizing, and I want to stop.\n\nSo how do I do that?", "answer": "Um. Maybe try something physical that puts you in a \"flow\" state where you're really really focused on being in the moment? Something like yoga or dancing or martial arts.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xdooo", "comment_id": "c5ll9et"}, {"question": "Whatever happened to Hippocratic Oath??", "description": "More-or less diagnosed adhd-pi about 3 years ago now by my former psychiatrist. Had began seeing him 2015 for anxiety and depression, ssri helped but not that much. Unfortunately he also threw me on Klonopin which hurt more in the long run but that\u2019s later on... Year later he comes to realization that all my medicinal weed smoking was possibly dopaminergic and he couldn\u2019t believe he didn\u2019t realize before how obvious the adhd symptoms were. Difference was night and day, began to read up on executive functioning and where I definitely had deficits. Went through the stimulant trial and error game (tried vyvanse first and then eventually settled on Dexedrine). Meanwhile I was working on a freelance drone photography business that ultimately had some success and I continued to explore a fairly new industry...\n\nHe leaves the state in 2018, leaving me with the task of finding another p-doc. I started having some more intense anxiety/depression recurring even though it was helped by the stimulants. (In hindsight it was the Klonopin dependence syndrome that develops causing weird anxiety/cognitive issues)\n\nI settle for a local university hospital psych program and they throw me in with a girl practically my age a couple years out of med school. She orders a neuropsych test to see if I \u2018actually\u2019 have adhd. Based off a hunch of hers she thinks my previous psychiatrist was full of s*it and I did well in school without the stimulants so I must not have adhd (I was a master procrastinator, not super uncommon in adhd circles I understand)...neuropsych test comes back as unable to fully \u2018diagnose\u2019 because I didn\u2019t really have too many symptoms as a kid (even tho I mentioned I was an avid day dreamer). Instead they suspect it\u2019s high iq- high functioning ASD...\n\nSo this new psych tells me to wean off the stims and the klonopin at my own rate despite my objection that of all meds, dexedrine actually helps way more than hurts. She continues to think it\u2019s causing more anxiety than I realize (where if anything it was helping more than klonopin) and restates it\u2019s the departments policy that without an \u2018adhd diagnosis\u2019 she wasn\u2019t able to prescribe. \n\nMe not knowing much about the withdrawal speeds through it over the span of a couple weeks. I am thrown into some of the worst dysphoria I\u2019d ever experienced. I relay my issues and she is convinced I shouldn\u2019t be experiencing these issues for more than a few weeks. Months start to go by and my issues are only getting worse. My executive functioning all but disappears, to the point where I couldn\u2019t even articulate it well enough to the psych at the time. Social withdrawal, to the point where I couldn\u2019t leave the house, answer the phone or reply to texts and emails. The klonopin withdrawal was more than certainly causing all sorts of hell for months at a time but after about 3 months I was super confused about whether it was klonopin withdrawal, dexedrine withdrawal, or in general my baseline without stims. Intermittently I had tried the Dex after a few months of abstinence and my adhd symptoms would relieve. I\u2019d relay this and she would consistently give me the vibe I was just looking for drugs. This repeated a few more times over the next 6 months- I would wait it out in torment, with my business decaying and too anxious to answer the phone, emails or texts- in a way it was like I was straight removed from my high functioning self and thrown into extreme executive disregulation- worse than I had ever been even before medication.\n\nIt\u2019s been 9 months and fortunately I\u2019ve still had a supply of Dex XR left over that I had been sitting on. I\u2019ve been on for about a week and things are finally reconsolidating mentally, and quality of life is totally improving. I can\u2019t help but blame that psych for the failure of my business now... I finally mustered up the will to apply for jobs and more importantly scheduled a new private practice p-doc appt on Tuesday.  I really regret going there in the first place honestly I just wanted to ramble a little and let you guys know that sometimes these \u2018by the book\u2019 departments of psychiatry will dismiss your pleas for meds that actually do the job...and can trash your life....tread carefully my friends.\n\nTL:DR \nDon\u2019t drop off meds too quickly or you may end up in a world of hurt. In my case my world pretty rapidly fell to pieces. Also go with your gut regarding meds that work, psychiatrists opinions seem to vary wildly based on presenting symptoms.", "answer": "This hurts for me to read because I know it happens so much and I also know why. I'm in my last year of clin psych masters and on placement I see this all the time. \n\nBasically, the neuropsych tests are made based on the average population. The problem you have with that is if you are above average intelligence, because the tests are somewhat based on intelligence, you can do better and in turn come back as \"borderline\". Also, with the symptom checklist, they don't always take into account self report reliability whereby you may not remember much of your childhood (due to ADHD) or you may downplay things (due to genetics meaning parents say it's normal). When administering these tests, it's really important for clinicians to do them in line with a qualitative interview. So asking questions like \"you score high on this, this is what that means, does it fit with you? Why or why not?\" Being a student means unless you have specific personal or extensive professional experience on a subject it's hard to know what is needed for every assessment.\n\nSo, the solution? Unfortunately we have to be advocates for ourselves. This means backing ourselves when something doesn't seem right. This is so hard though! Even with my knowledge, I'm currently trying to switch from ritalin to dexamphetamine and my psychiatrist is being annoying with it. I know I need to go in and say \"hey I have these reasons to do this thing and I know you may not agree but what we are doing is not working for these reasons I've said so we need to switch.\" It's hard. I'm so sorry you went through it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c46pxn", "comment_id": "erw23lx"}, {"question": "Someone close to me has a severe form of OCD, but she doesn't want to go to the psychologist at any cost, how can I help her?", "description": "https://amp.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/azwevy/my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme_germophobia_and/\n\nThis post I found is very similar to her situation.", "answer": "1. Does she mean psychologist, specifically, or any type of psychotherapist? I know people who have had really bad experiences with some specific credential, but are more open to seeing someone with different, but still relevant credentials. E.g. \"I will NOT ever go see a psychologist because I HATE psychologists... but I might be okay with seeing a social worker.\" (And then you could find a licensed clinical social worker with experience with OCD and just not emphasize that this person is a psychotherapist.)\n2. I know this is going to be a really shitty answer, but if someone does not want treatment, you can't make them ready to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqgodb", "comment_id": "fru18pp"}, {"question": "ODD in Adults? Looking for some guidance", "description": "Hello fellow redditors.  \n\nI've had a rocky life, leading to an early adulthood full of mental problems and trauma.  Recently, I've work hard and pulled through most of it, but there's a conclusion that I have come to , and I need your help.  \n\n\nI am concerned that I have ADHD, or some form of Autism; my parents were not wise and did not get me any mental health checkups during childhood, and treated for different-ness with belts and switches.  I do know that I most likely have ODD (even though adults *don't* have odd, according to *professionals*) b/c I display several of the ODD symptoms.  \n\n\nI've managed to reel myself in to keep my current relationship steady, and I'm doing generally well with my friends, but this situation is rearing its ugly head at work.  \n\n\nBasically, as a 26 year old graduate, I don't feel that I need to have direct supervision, and I shouldn't be told what to do with my cell phone and earbuds at my desk, especially when my work gets done, regardless.  This along with ridiculous micromanagement and policy changes is causing me to want to drive my car through the manager's desk.  \n\n\nSo, what do I do to handle this?  My psychiatrist says there's a test for Autism/adhd but it's a little over 100 dollars, and I feel...that there shouldn't be a paywall for this sort of thing.  I mean, much of our American population is disabled in this way, and I feel we should easily be able to get help.  \n\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this and comment!  ", "answer": "If you're willing to go into greater detail about your difficulties, pop over to r/askdocs and a shink like me might be able to give you an opinion on it...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6hfpp8", "comment_id": "diy7b9b"}, {"question": "Avoiding guys that like me [21/f]", "description": "So there are several guys that seem to be interested in me and they all asked me out. I don't know what to do, I always thought that I'm just an ugly shy girl that cant fit in anywhere and I am soo overwhehlmed by that situation, I'm starting to get really bad anxiety. I don't know what they want from and I don't want to be left heartbroken. Did that happen to anyone? I feel so scared its almost depressing", "answer": "Did they ask you for coffee?  Prolly want coffee. Drinks? Prolly drinks. Go to a show? Prolly want to hear some music.  All of them are probably interested in getting physically intimate with you. \n\nWhat do you want, beyond feeling safe?\n\nDo you like any of these guys enough to want to see if you could hit it off?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6butwe", "comment_id": "dhpqj83"}, {"question": "IUD insertion", "description": "I haven\u2019t posted here in a while, which I guess is a good thing, but I think I\u2019m getting an IUD this week. I have POTS syndrome, which makes my periods 10x worse with lots of n* and missing work/school. I am very very very worried I will v* during or after the insertion, and reading stories on reddit isn\u2019t helping. Any one here have any experience or advice? \nThanks, KG \u2764\ufe0f\n\nUPDATE: I got it!! I took 8mg of zofran and 1000mg of tylenol beforehand, and I felt like a sharp period cramp during the sounding, but that was it!! I feel SO ACCOMPLISHED!!!", "answer": "Hi! I had Mirena inserted almost three years ago. I was not n\\* at all! It did hurt, though, and I was sore for the rest of the day, so I recommend taking some pain medication before hand and if you are able, take it easy for the rest of the day!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "drrz0m", "comment_id": "f6mjhhd"}, {"question": "(22/f) Advice for breaking up with boyfriend (22/m) who is also my best friend", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. He is my best friend. One (and only for that matter) that I feel completely comfortable with being my true self in front of. In the past year, I have had many doubts about our future together. A few months ago, I did end the relationship, and felt relieved afterward. A couple days after the breakup, I started missing him miserably. After a month of being apart, we decided to get back together. Now I am thinking it was the friendship I missed, not the relationship. When we first got back together, I decided to try harder in the relationship to make things work. At first, I was happier than before, but still not as happy as I wanted to be. Eventually, the relationship seemed to have gone back to when we broke up. I was annoyed by his presence. I thought I should end it once and for all, but then I thought again it was me trying to give up too easily and that this was just a bump in the road. Once again, I've tried making the relationship work for me. It is at a point now that I love hanging out with him, but when he says anything romantic or talks about the future, I feel guilty and sad. I see that he is trying and really wants to make the relationship work, and that tears me apart because I cannot reciprocate those feelings. I know that he loves me and he seems happy in the relationship, and that makes it so much harder. I have also become very close to his family, and I hate the thought of having to break up with them too. I guess I would like to know how I should end it without completely tearing him apart and how to possibly stay friends with him. I know that I would be happier if I ended it and endured the heartbreak, but the thought of losing my only best friend terrifies me. ", "answer": "it's gonna hurt. no way around it.  if he's mad for you, then spending time with you as a bf will be VERY painful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on205", "comment_id": "dckkk5f"}, {"question": "I've suddenly become afraid of the dark", "description": "I was scared of the dark when i was a child, but in my teenage years and adult life i would always go camping and hiking at night without experiencing any distress. Since mid summer, I've become afraid of the dark again and going outside at night or being in a dark place causes me to have a panic attack and i sometimes have hallucinations of shadowy figures in the darkness. Right now, i cant sleep without some kind of light on.\n\nDoes anyone have any suggestions for how i could approach this beyond therapy (i haven't seen mine all summer but will on Wednesday)? I love camping and want to go without feeling extremely anxious. ", "answer": "A fear of the dark is something that almost every child has at some point.  It's really pre-programmed into our biology through evolution for the sake of survival as we had to be extra careful of the nocturnal predators that existed.  \n\nI'd say the best thing you can do is work on your general stress levels.  It's not very uncommon for people experiencing very very high levels of stress to get really minor/subtle visual or auditory hallucinations.  Think, seeing something out of your peripheral vision, or hearing things like footsteps or your name being called when it isn't actually there.  \n\nGetting your general stress levels in check should help out a bunch.  Talk to your therapist to see if maybe you can identify any possible cause of why these fears came back and address that.  \n\nHope this helps!  Best of luck.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/mental-health-diagnosis-what-you-need-to-know/)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6wjsf2", "comment_id": "dm9d7h7"}, {"question": "Keto is honestly a life saver.", "description": "It seems to me that Keto is not mentioned enough on this subreddit for some reason.  I received a reminder this past month that Keto is pretty much a miracle for me and I will probably be on this diet for life. \n\n I used to take metformin three times a day.  I couldn't have drinks with friends without experiencing a debilitating hangover the next day.  I pooped liquid almost every day.  I felt...off.  I started the Keto diet, determined to get off the pills.  \nWell, it worked. \nI lost 16 pounds and started feeling great.  I stopped taking the pills.  Things were going swimmingly.  \nThen I fell off the wagon. \nCarnival food and bread and pasta and beans..I wanted it all.  I started wondering why I felt like crap.  I wondered why my belly was growing again.  I wondered why I had mood swings.  I wondered why I was letting myself eat that poison that caused myself extreme pain.  \nToday is the first full week of being 100% dedicated to the Keto diet and I've already lost three pounds.  This is all pretty much water weight but soon I'll be burning off real fat as long as I remain dedicated.  I'm already experiencing benefits like a flat tummy and no bloating.  \n\nWhen women here ask for help with their medication, weight loss, infertility, or anything else relating to PCOS, it really breaks my heart.  Just stop eating sugar aka CARBS.  I know that simplifies things A LOT and I'm not trying to portray the Keto diet as something simple...but in a way it is.  We can fix this disorder by simply restricting our net carb intake to about 20g a day.  No pills and no awful side effects.  \n\nCheck out /r/xxketo and /r/Keto for recipes and progress pics.  \n\nI also know I might get a lot of hate posting this but if just one person decides to start Keto because of my post, it will be worth it.\n\nKeep calm and Keto on.", "answer": "I asked my endocrinologist (she specializes in PCOS and is known as one of the top researchers in PCOS) about the ketogenic diet and she said that she wouldn't recommend it for PCOS patients. \n\nHave any of your endocrinologists suggested this diet to you, fellow PCOSers?? How do your docs respond when you tell them about keto? I'm curious as to what other doctors say. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3kq6e3", "comment_id": "cuzoqcp"}, {"question": "NSV!! I owned that Health Screening", "description": "One year ago I completed a health screening at my new job. All of my numbers were elevated, it was so depressing. My triglycerides were well above 300, more then double what they should be. I was 2 lbs away from 200 lbs. I can't say that it was an immediate wake up call, I wish I had started that day but about 3 months ago I decided I was done letting my PCOS run my life. I was sick of feeling tired and grumpy. I started to run the couch to 5k, cutting carbs/sugars and taking my metformin and daily vitamins. ( I take a multi, b12, magnesium, garlic, 1000 mg of Vitamin C). Well yesterday it was time to do another screening.....and I'm so proud of the progress. I knew I was feeling better but these numbers are proof that my hard work is paying off. It definitely brought to light areas that I need to focus on like bringing up my good cholesterol with more fish and good fats as well as bringing down my BMI. That will come with time though. For now I'm celebrating the changes I have made! \n\n*2014*\n198 lbs\nTriglycerides 300+\nBMI- was over 35% \nMy blood sugar was over 200 non fasting \nMy bad cholesterol was too high and the good too low. \n\n*2015*\n175 lbs \nCholesterol-166\n(HDL-41, LDL-95)\nTriglycerides-147\nGlucose-83mg (non-fasting)\nMy BMI is at 31.5%", "answer": "That is amazing. Congrats!!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3tgcl6", "comment_id": "cx6d24s"}, {"question": "How Do I Handle This Kind of Co Worker?", "description": "Dear Reddit\n\nSo I got a new co worker who is really agitating and I'm not sure how to go about working with him. I am the boss for the team that I manage and this guy acts/talks like he is the boss and steals credit whenever possible and a bunch of other things that annoy me. He is really getting on my last nerve but I'm making this post to try and get some help on how to make this situation better. Here's the examples of what this co worker is like\n\n \n***\n**He Tries To Control Other Co Workers By Telling Others What To Do**\n\n* Me: Today I am going to have you work on this and I'm going to have so and so do this.\n* Him: Well I'm going to do this while I have them do this.\n* Problem: Instead of simply saying \"ok\" and agreeing to my instructions, why is he telling me, the boss, what he is going to do instead of listening to what I tell him to do? Then, why does he tell me what he is going to make other people do when I'm the one that makes that decision?\n\n \n***\n**He Claims My Ideas To Try And Tell Me What To Do**\n\n* Me: This is the way that I want this project done\n* Him: Why not just do it my way\"Repeats exactly the same exact thing in the same exact way of what I just told him to do\"\n* Me: Yeah that's right just do it like that \"I restate the exact thing that I told him originally, to which he re suggested my own original plan as his\"\n* Him: Yeah that's what I just told you to do!\n* Problem: He takes my instructions/ideas/plans and claim them as his by saying \"That's what I just said!\" to everything I tell him to do. It's as if he takes my instructions from my own words and says them back to me just so he can say that he told me to do somthing\n\n \n***\n**He Undermines Anyone's Else's Idea That Isn't Done His Way**\n\n* Him: Why are we doing this task this way?\n* Me: We are doing it this way because it's the best way to do it because 1.___ 2.___ 3___\n* Him: Well I think it's better to do what I said \"Doesn't list any benefits to doing things his way, doesn't even explain any of his steps to do the task in his way that he believes is better\"\n* Me: The best way to do this is by \"Restate my original explanation with even more explanation\"\n* Him: No you need to listen to what I'm telling you \"Repeats his same nonsenseful, unexplained way with no reasons behined it\"\n* Me: I am listening to you, and yes, you can do it that way but it's better to do it this way because of the reasons that I already just have explained to you. Your way is harder and takes longer because of 1.___ 2.___ 3.___ compared to doing 1.___ 2.___ 3.___\n* Him: That's stupid, I'm just going to do it my way.\n* Problem: He thinks his ways are better simply because it's what he said to do. \n\n\n\n \n***\n**He Intentionally Does't Tell Other People About Work That Needs Done So He Can Do It Himself And Make Himself Look Better And So He Can Call Other Co Workers Lazy**\n\n* Me - Hey go take so and so and get this task done\n* Him - Ok\n* Me - Did you guys get that task done?\n* Him - Yeah I did everything\n* Me - You did everything? Why didn't so and so help you?\n* Him - I guess they didn't want to help, they're lazy.\n* Me - Did you even ask the other people for help like I said to?\n* Him - No I just did it myself because I'm better than them and didn't feel like dealing with them being lazy\n* Problem - Now my other co workers are getting in trouble for not helping when this guy is intentionally doing things by himself, making him look good and others look bad.\n\n \n***\n**He Interrupts Conversations And Cuts People Off From Speaking**\n\n* Not much to say, or maybe I should say not much room to speak when he's around. He is always jumping into other people's conversation's just to keep the attention on him and not let the other person speak which just results in upsetting the other person and them walking away.", "answer": "I've supervised plenty of therapists with strong personalities who either didn't like authority much, didn't like having someone with my demographics as a boss, and a combination of both.\n\nI had to learn very quickly that the qualities and skills that make me a good therapist are not necessarily ones that will make me a good boss.  \n\nSome important lessons I learned/techniques I apply now having made many mistakes as a supervisor in the past:\n\n1.  Remind yourself often that although you may be a friendly person you are not your supervisees friend.  You do not need their approval.  You need their respect and need them to do their job.  \n\n2.  Praise the employees that are doing well publically and often while talking to problematic employees in private (specifically mandatory meetings you set up with them.)\n\n3.  Before making a decision regarding policy/procedure changes, strategy to complete a project, etc.  listen to everyone, take  their opinions into consideration.  Once you make your decision, the path is no longer up for debate.  You can straight up say this in whatever language you feel comfortable.  Just be sure that you are assertive with it.  If a supervisee questions your authority publically, either call them into your office or say something like \"That's not up for discussion now.  You and I can talk about that later.\" \n\n4.  When you call a supervisee to meet with them about issues you are having with them, document it.  This is probably the most important take away I learned in my first few years of supervising.  Be very clear, concrete, and specific about what the employee said or did (or multiple things if applicable along with the corresponding dates) and if possible, how it either goes against a specific company policy or specific part of their job description.  Write on the document what areas you need to see specific concrete improvement by and a deadline for follow up.  Have him sign it.  If he refuses, schedule a meeting with your supervisor to discuss a plan of action.\n\nThis is what has worked for me.  It's not going to work for everyone in every situation but I think it may be helpful to you.  With a guy like this, you need to be the leader, or before long, your other co-workers will lose respect for you or this guy is going to end up being your boss.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8cxmcu", "comment_id": "dxir2y5"}, {"question": "What do you do with your chips?", "description": "As I've been going to meetings, I've collected 3 chips so far (my 24-hour, 1 month, and 2 month - hurrah!). I was wondering what people do with them? I bought a keychain that holds a chip to put my 24 hour chip on, but what do people do with them as they collect them?", "answer": "I keep my white chip in my left sock and my current chip in my right sock. The other 4 are in my car.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1ifa14", "comment_id": "cb3vb32"}, {"question": "How much sobriety time should someone considered a 'white chip wonder' have?", "description": "I'm saying to claim yourself as one, is there an unwritten rule? I can't imagine people are well received with a few months clean claiming they are a white chip wonder. Just a weird question that popped in my mind. ", "answer": "What is a white chip wonder?", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "6m8fxi", "comment_id": "djzq5e8"}, {"question": "Hyperfocus as a gift is a myth (Dr Russell Barkley)", "description": "I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. Barkley's lectures\nhttps://youtu.be/Li_tcua0AJI?t=1338\n\n_There is also another popular phrase in the adults with ADHD trade books: \"Adults with ADHD are good at hyperfocusing.\" This too is mythology. Hyperfocusing is actually perseveration. You are unable to interrupt what you are doing when you should have shifted to doing something else. It is like the child who continues to play the video game long after they should have been getting dressed for school. You want to call that hyperfocusing that's fine, but it's a classic sign of a frontal lobe injury <inaudible> you should have stopped what you're doing, and you didn't. There are other more important goals to achieve and you ignored them. This is no gift. It is in fact a symptom of this disorder\"_\n\n\n\n\nWhatever you call it, this injury/gift has been responsible for every single achievement in my life!", "answer": "That is very interesting and thanks for sharing. Hyperfocus can seem like that but it also depends on how it is applied and channeled. it sounds like he is saying that you can only hyperfocus on something when you should be doing something else. I do not find that to always be the case. For example, when I am working on a paper and become hyperfocused I can work on that for hours. But...thanks for the encouragement and motivating words Dr. Barkley! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "629dxn", "comment_id": "dfku2xb"}, {"question": "I feel like an addict", "description": "Hey guys and girls, just wanted to share with you a struggle that I\u2019ve wondered about for a while and haven\u2019t got to posting until now. \nI find that when I pick up a new activity, be it rock climbing, a new game, a new way of making food, and especially anything media related, I will focus solely on that thing and that thing alone for days at a time. It\u2019s like a mini addiction that spans a week, and then it\u2019s into the next one, that\u2019s how I can explain it best. Does anyone else have this problem? It just feels like I hyperfocus on these things and can\u2019t stop to do important things like eating properly, doing chores, or make it to social events and it\u2019s frustrating to know it\u2019s happening but in the moment \u201cIt\u2019s fine\u201d and I don\u2019t care", "answer": "Reading about the holocaust was probably my worst one...\n\nI'm stuck in between addictions atm. Trying to find a new one. Chernobyl was my most recent.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "g7nnec", "comment_id": "foj67o1"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Thw best thing you can do is ask the therapist about limits of confidentiality. \n\nExactly what can be shared varies by country,  state/region and by agency.  A school counselor on reddit recently posted that he was required by his employer to report students who used substances on campus.  This is very unusual,  but part of his agency rules .\n\nIn general , confidentiality is only broken if someone is being actively abused or in danger of hurting themselves or others .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gg9r6r", "comment_id": "fq0j4ah"}, {"question": "BF talking behind my back to ex GF, any advice?", "description": "Hello!! Sorry guys. this is gonna be kinda long but if you could spare me just a moment and give me your opinion on the situation at hand that would be so wonderful!!\n\n\n So I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and things have been pretty sweet. Our relationship has been stellar tbh. I'm 20 and he is 22. But just recently I had noticed in the past couple of weeks that my SO had been receiving messages from of his exes (we share my laptop just to clear the air) and I really didn't pay any mind to it or anything because I trust my SO, and I just didn't think any thing of it. But my SO would leave his FaceBook account logged in and open. And ya know I would log into my laptop here and there and one evening I saw mutiple message notifications from the same ex and I did something fucked up and I snooped, I'll admit I invaded his privacy but I wanted to see what was up, curiosity got the best of me here. When I saw what was said I felt heartbroken. He was talking about a small argument we had gotten into and sending her screenshots of the whole ordeal and putting me on blast, meanwhile she was calling me a psycho, crazy, and mentioning that it didn't seem like we had a healthy relationship. He was just letting her rip at me without defending me. And what makes me crack up here folks, what really gets me, is that this ol girl cheated on my SO in high school. And there were more flirty type messages but I think that's maybe all the details I should give out about the situation lol. \n\nAnyways when I saw the messages I freaked tf out and I immediately confronted my SO, at first I questioned his ass about his ex and the conversations and he lied to me, so I plopped the laptop down in front of him and showed him the messages I had found, and he had such a major meltdown he started crying and was begging me to stay with him, he immediately messaged her and told her that he couldn't message her anymore and that I was too important to loose yadadamean, and went on to block her. \n\nNow I'm sitting here a couple days later trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I know he loves me and I do love him. But shit, you guys he lied to my face about this situation and was talking mad shit over practically nothing. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, giving him rides, you name it. I just feel so betrayed I would never speak about him in that manner to anyone, ya know? Now our relationship is hanging from its hinges. He wants to cuddle and get intimate with me and I just push him away. I feel like I can no longer trust him. And now he's frustrated and just wants me to move on and be happy with him but like how can that just happen? My emotions and feelings aren't a button a TV remote that you can just push to change. I want to forget about what has happened but every moment I'm with him the conversations haunt and mock me. We've already had many conversations about it, but it seems like nothing is helping. I feel like if I wouldn't had caught him he wouldn't had been sorry. What do you think? Any input would be so dearly appreciated!!", "answer": "Why do you wash his clothes and do his dishes?  Is he 8 years old?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4wrz", "comment_id": "dhbp73x"}, {"question": "I just want friends to be close friends with", "description": "I have a close friend but it always seems she\u2019s trying to help me. I have other acquaintances that I don\u2019t hang out with often. I have a new job and my co-workers are awesome but we haven\u2019t hung out yet. I just want some friends to hang out with, do nothing with, and not judge each other. Do these types of pure friendships even exits? I\u2019ve never been good at close friends in my 28 years. I\u2019m everyone\u2019s first friend but never the best friend. Maybe it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m even craving social interaction lately - usual I\u2019m fine to be my keep to myself quiet person. ", "answer": "Not sure if this applies to you or not.  One problem I see with lots of folks struggling with this is that their goal is to have \"close friends\" but generally don't like associating with more surface level acquaintances and having all of the superficial conversations and what not that go along with that.  \n\nUnfortunately for these folks, good, healthy, organic relationships do not happen immediately.  They generally grow from what starts out as more simple and superficial relationships with acquaintances.  Finding shared interests and each party making a continuous effort to spend time together doing what they mutually enjoy and eventually the two may become close friends.  The only way to get this though is to put the effort in inviting acquaintances to things and making time to go to things they invite you to.       ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ekh9j", "comment_id": "dxvxpem"}, {"question": "Just drank few small pieces of sharp glass (M25)", "description": "I made myself some lemonade, and while preparing it I touched my glass with another glass and didn't think much of it. After I drank it (30min ago) I found sharp piece about 10mm \\* 10mm \\* 1mm in the bottom of the glass. I compared it to damaged part of the glass and found out I luckily drank just a small piece of it. Probably 3-5 pieces of circa 2mm \\* 2mm \\* 0.1mm. Images [https://imgur.com/gallery/l81M6e2](https://imgur.com/gallery/l81M6e2), [https://imgur.com/gallery/NHv4vUB](https://imgur.com/gallery/NHv4vUB)\n\nI feel OK, I am also a little bit scared, should I go see a doctor? Or I will be alright. I think i will be alright I just need critical opinion.\n\nI'm 25y old male, 185cm, 95kg, not smoker, otherwise healthy I guess.\n\nEdit: I called emergency and they told me to drink a lot of water and come if anything hurt me. Otherwise everything will probably be alright. They didn't even want me to send pic because they couldn't do anything about it.\n\nEdit 2: It's been about 10 hours and I am fine. Thank you for advice and thank you for helping people in need.", "answer": "I have patients who eat glass deliberately. I've never experienced that ending bad. Usually I don't send them to the hospital, unless they are in pain.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dafa8t", "comment_id": "f1pkpc7"}, {"question": "Tough time of the year", "description": "I feel  sad this weekend (which normally drive me to drink).  Today we are having a turkey with my two boys which would normally have been my husbands parents who I adored and sister however his parents are no longer with us and his sister is Coming Wed. Since she is away.  My sister is in the Caribbean so we won't see her this year and my dad's situation is beyond rediculous.  We don't even see him at Christmas. Anyways just wanted to put it out there that not of us all have functional families around us for Thanksgiving and send out hugs to those of you who need it today.", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry for your losses and sending hugs back at you! Here\u2019s hoping we both create some new sober holiday traditions this year. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhc5hq", "comment_id": "f3mbbsz"}, {"question": "Metformin with normal glucose?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nDoes anyone else have \"normal\" glucose tests and still take metformin? My glucose has always been normal, though I'm sure I have at least some level of insulin resistance by nature of having PCOS. It's nearly impossible for me to lose weight lately, and my gyn recommended metformin to hopefully help with that. I know bad GI side effects are likely, so I just wanted to get some others' opinions and experiences before just diving into yet another med! Thanks :)", "answer": "I also have normal glucose and am on metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4ctbws", "comment_id": "d1lbq6b"}, {"question": "Need a good self help book on Avoidant Personality Disorder or a book on how to develop spontaneity and enjoy the company of other people (x-post)", "description": "Hi, I suffer from avoidant personality disorder (and borderline and dependent with narcissistic traits). I would like to know if there is a good self help book to overcome my avoidant personality disorder, or, alternatively, a book that teaches me how to be spontaneous, enjoy the company of people and have a playful attitude towards life. I have read many books about psychoanalysis but all this knowledge did not seem to help much, so now i would like to switch to some focused self-help materials. Any suggestions?", "answer": "Check out The Happiness Trap", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "vhqiq", "comment_id": "c54p31b"}, {"question": "I don't know wtf to do. My wife[28/f] just told me [31/m] she never wants kids.", "description": "She has said she will never be able to give children to me, her choice, that's fine, it's not medical, she just hates the idea of having a child because she won't be able to do whatever she wants. She's even planning on getting a hysterectomy at 30. All things she revealed for the first time tonight after 5 years of friendship and a year of marriage. She's known I've always wanted one or two. She just sprung this on me. I love her to death, I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed and hurt but she's my wife, I will always love her.", "answer": "you have to decide if this is a non-negotiable--a deal breaker.   very sad quandary", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qn8mw", "comment_id": "dd0n4zi"}, {"question": "4th step is threatening my sobriety.", "description": "I\u2019m Matt and I\u2019m an alcoholic. There are things I\u2019ve carried with me for a very long time. I swore to my self I would take to my grave. I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m ready. I\u2019m not even on the forth step. I keep starting over at step 3. I haven\u2019t gone back out. But I\u2019m stuck. I\u2019d rather just go ahead and die than put this shit on paper and tell another person. I think I\u2019m ready for that. I can\u2019t share this in a meeting with other people or my sponsor. So y\u2019all get it, I apologize. That\u2019s all I got right now. Thanks for letting me share.\n\nEdit: I have been on the phone with my sponsor and a couple other people. One of them is not in the rooms and is still out there. But us talking helped them and it helped me also. Everything is going to be ok. I have prayed and my understanding of God is letting me know that with God in my life these times will be much more brief than before. I\u2019m not throwing my life away or the 311 days I have in away because I got problems. Everyone has been a tremendous help. I was all up in my feels which is a very dangerous place for me. I have no idea how to deal with this sober. But I\u2019m going to learn. Thank you everyone for your love and support. I hope this has helped you stay sober also. I hope this makes sense I\u2019m sounding like the new guy in the meetings who had no idea how to talk. I guess I can still be a new guy with a couple days under my belt", "answer": "In the 12 and 12 it recommends doing the 5th step piecemeal if you can\u2019t trust anyone with all of it. That\u2019s what I did. I told some stuff to my sponsor and some to a catholic priest. It worked for me, I\u2019m sober 41 years.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "gf6pps", "comment_id": "fps25w6"}, {"question": "Please I need some help.", "description": "I need help... I was with my girlfriend of over 1 year and she asked for my phone to look at a picture. After she looked at my picture, she started scrolling through the phone and I quickly grabbed the phone away from her without thinking. Her face immediately dropped and she asked me what is on my phone. She asked for phone back and I kept taking it immediately 3 more times like a jerk. To be clear, there is nothing detrimental to my relationship on my phone. There are no pictures of other women or texts with anyone that she does not know. There are no secrets. I was nervous because nobody has ever looked through my phone before and I instinctively grabbed it. I tried having her look at the phone a few minutes later when she clearly can see I did not access it but she would not do so. Today she is still upset and won't see me. What should I do? I don't want to lose my relationship because of this.", "answer": "I would explore the feelings of why you took it away deeper.  Then I would sit down with her and explain it and talk it out.  If it works out, even better. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48nkqx", "comment_id": "d0l4f8g"}, {"question": "Can I talk to you? I have no friends.", "description": "Thank you.", "answer": "I'm a little late to your thread here OP, but feel free to PM me whenever you'd like to chat. :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2ec631", "comment_id": "ck0kyok"}, {"question": "Who would be able to diagnose me with ADHD and prescribe meds?", "description": "Would they also be able to diagnose other things like a learning disability or give me an aptitude test?", "answer": "A psychologist (and some psychiatrists and some pediatricians) can do a full assessment with testing for ADHD diagnostics. Prescribers (psychiatrists, nurse practioners, other physicians) can prescribe.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gjuez2", "comment_id": "fqni9a2"}, {"question": "Thinking about going to my first AA meeting tonight...", "description": "Just not sure what to expect. Also, I noticed that they have meetings specifically for newcomers. Do I have to go one of those? The meeting in my area tonight is labeled \"maintaining group.\" Just not sure what that is... do I just walk in?\n\nI'm 10 days sober but last night was the hardest. I haven't slept. I've been distracting myself past 2 A.M. so even if I want a drink I can't get one, but then since I'm so goddamn sober now, I can't fall asleep after that. But now it's morning and stores are opening and I have $20 sitting on the counter with my I.D. ready to go. I've been pacing all night. I'm really worried I might cave. Wouldn't be the first time. I'm doing my best though. 10 days is pretty awesome for me.\n\nBut I know I need help. Any advice?\n\n\nEdit: Thanks so much to the few people who have commented already. I've been on the fence about AA for so long, just never had a single person truly support the idea of me going. It's nice to hear kind words and support. It's extremely calming to hear your experiences as well. My biggest hurdle is my fear.\n\nEdit: So I just arranged a babysitter for the night so I can go. I'm pretty committed to doing this now. Honestly, I can't thank you guys enough. I know it's just a few shared experiences, but you've made me feel so much better about this. This is the first time I've ever been truly hopeful about quitting.", "answer": "I recommend you go to that meeting. Even if they only have a maintaining group and not a newcomers group tonight you can still go. Just walk right in and pick a seat.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1s315g", "comment_id": "cdteg9x"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "cold turkey is best, but your situation prevents it. try to avoid as much as possible. you're doing all the right things.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68nm5v", "comment_id": "dgztske"}, {"question": "Does alcohol consumption over time lead to any sort of cognitive impairment", "description": "So I drink a lot. Been drinking nearly every day since I was 17. I\u2019m 25 now. The thing is, I\u2019m motivated by such a strong fear of failure that I\u2019ll probably never reach a bottom point where I\u2019m forced to confront my drinking. I\u2019m fairly successful for someone my age and have healthy habits apart from my drinking.\n\nThe only thing that concerns me is a fear that it\u2019ll result in some psychological damage over time. I wonder if anyone could inform on this. Is it gonna make me some sorta buffoon down the road? Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks\n\nFor context, I probably drink the equivalent of four bottles of beer a day. Usually I get started after I get off work.", "answer": "Kills neurons. Cumulative. Damage persists.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bknet4", "comment_id": "emjfxaf"}, {"question": "I really don't want to die. I actually really like life. I just don't like my life.", "description": "I think the world is beautiful. There are so many amazing things to see and do, and seemingly countless possibilities, too many for a single lifetime. I think people are amazing, and the shitty terrible people don't prevent me from appreciating the good ones (whom I consider to be the majority). To me, life is wonderful. Except I don't like *my* life. I wish I could be somebody different, somebody less mediocre, someone more attractive, more intelligent, more motivated, more adventurous, and more knowledgeable about what I'm looking for in life. I'm 21 and all I can think about is everything I have missed out on and will miss out on in life. I wish there was some sort of way to choose to be someone else. I don't want to stop playing, I just wish I could start a new game.", "answer": "That is literally your depression. I've met people whose life did not measure up to any typical standard of success and they were completely content. \n\nDepression makes you think your life sucks.. that YOU suck. But if you were thrown into another world, I can almost guarantee your feelings will transport into that life as well. Because your feelings are about you. \n\nSo what can happen that makes the beautiful life you live, beautiful to you? Because you can see part of the beauty, but there is a massive disconnect that makes you feel like you are not a part of that beautiful world you can recognize. And that right there means you have so much hope and potential. \n\nYou can see and feel beauty. You can see amazing in things that others may dismiss. You are capable of feeling connected and appreciative. How can that, that sight of beauty, turn towards your lil wonderful beingness? \n\nSome people may not be at the step you are. They may not feel the beauty and that's ok. That is their next step. But you, lil sun dollop, are onto your next step. You are still in a quite successful game that is just so eager to have to move to the next level. \n\nKeep treking. And maybe see a therapist. :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6kfdyy", "comment_id": "djmrxtz"}, {"question": "Need advice on this relationship situation", "description": "I'm [26/F] and my boyfriend is [27/M].  I've been having some issues with my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and a half and moved in together 6 months ago. Of course when you first date someone the sex is amazing and hands will not stay tamed, but the sex dropped dramatically after the first year. I figured after 3 years then \"yeah that's okay\"; I've noticed he's been watching porn and may have tried some kind of sexting webcam chats with other girls. (Btw, is that cheating?) he won't tell me what's going on or if it's me, I'll gladly change whatever it is I'm doing. He won't speak up. I haven't had an orgasm in 3 months during sex, plus it seems like he doesn't care to satisfy me. When we do have sex there's no 4 play, just rips my clothes of when it's convenient for him and 5 strokes later it's done. We use to have 20-30 minutes sessions or sometimes all night; and just bathed in the glory of each other's naked bodies. So much passion we had. I'm rejected a lot when I try to initiate sex, so I felt like there was something clearly wrong with me. Am I not attractive anymore? Is he bored with me? I like to have fun in the bedroom. He is not a good communicator, anytime I tried to let him know how I feel, I'd get the cold shoulder. It made me feel dirty because I wanted more sex, just to have that connection with him. Even if it didn't last long and if that's what he's worried about then I'm okay with it; just still be considerate about my wants and needs. Or do it more often than once every two weeks. Ive also noticed that my boyfriend takes a lot of unnecessary showers. I may be paranoid, but some mornings he'll hop in (even tho he showered the night before) and I know he's hard and ready to go; but why masterbate when you can have the real thing? If I'm not around its cool I guess, just don't neglect me.  When it comes down to it you're either going to have great love making or a relationship, is there a way you could have both?  I'm lost for answers and I want our passion back. I want him to want me again. I had an idea about bringing in a toy, maybe before or after he does the act with me. Will a vibrator be insulting or will it turn him on and leave visual memories? If he's down I'd let him be in control. I'm trying so hard to keep the flame alive.  I'm going crazy!", "answer": "summary tl;dr", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0lt8", "comment_id": "ddbqqxn"}, {"question": "What would happen if someone had Ventricular Tachycardia for 1 hour?", "description": "NOT SVT. ", "answer": "I presume that this is related to another post of yours regarding PVCs and what the ER doctor said to you. In short, you'll be dead before you could have VTs in an hour. On the other hand, you're probably not having VTs, and the doctors have low suspicion of this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yxw1g", "comment_id": "d6ri1ra"}, {"question": "Does a therapist ever disagree with client (and tell them?)", "description": "A friend (f48) and I(f54) got into a disagreement over a misunderstood text. I don't think the disagreement matters (maybe a post for AITA) but essentially, the friend told me that I should mention our disagreement to my therapist because my view of our conversation is being colored by my horrible relationship with my sister.\n\nMy question is... If I talked to my therapist about this from my point of view, would she take my side automatically? And if my friend talked to her therapist about it from HER point of view, wouldn't the therapist take her side?\n\nWe both think we are right and the other is wrong, so would that really accomplish anything?\n\nAlso - I'm not even seeing a therapist right now - but I'm not opposed to starting again.", "answer": "Most likely, a therapist would not take either side ( there are extreme situations that are more black/white) .  Your therapist is more likely to explore your perspective,  and issue you mentioned with your sister. \n\nI don't see couples anymore , but when I did , it was really common for a couple to come in with a disagreement and ask \"who is right?\"\n\nI encourage people to think more broadly in their interactions with others. Black/white thinking is a common theme in conflict and often creates conflict.  Most of the time (again, there are situations when absolutes are appropriate) there is no right /wrong,  win/lose. Additionally,  people feel that way when they hold on to if____, then ____, or \"should beliefs.\" \n\nEven if I agreed with you , it would not mean that I would disagree with your friend . Maybe both of you are right.  It would also be appropriate to explore your boundaries,  because you have a right to them ,even when someone thinks you are \"wrong. \"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpcag1", "comment_id": "flkl66k"}, {"question": "GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!", "description": "Hi everyone, \nI am a first year med student suffering from a number of mental illnesses be it OCD ( mainly pure-o), SOCIAL ANXIETY, GAD, PANIC DISORDER, ONYCHOPHAGIA and mild AGORAPHOBIA ( all being in severe stage).\nI have been diagnosed officially by psychiatrist. \nThey have prescribed me meds but I am not taking them due to their potential side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial issues. I haven't told these things to my parents or to any other person but the psychiatrist. Now, my anxiety has gone out of control and I am looking forward towards my recovery.\nMy question to you people is as follows-\n1. Should I start taking the medicine prescribed by psychiatrist?\n2.What are the potential side effects of these medicines?\n3.Will it damage my brain and change me as a whole( ruining my positive traits also)\n4.How does one feel after taking such medicine?? Do they really work? How long do they take to show their full effects??\n5.Is there any alternative method to cure the illness??\nLooking forward to your replies.\nIt's very urgent!!!!!", "answer": "\n\n* 1.  You have to decide this for yourself.  If the psychiatrist prescribed it, they think it's the best thing to help you with your symptoms.  \n* 2.  Talk to your psychiatrist about side effects.  Every medication has different ones.  Most people don't experience all of them and very few people ever experience the severe ones.  \n* 3.  Taking medication may change you somewhat as I'm sure a lot of your personality is wrapped up in the thoughts and behaviors that are influenced by the anxiety.  When you're feeling less anxious your personality may seem to change somewhat, but you'll always be you!\n* 4.  Once again, it all depends on the medication you take.  I take Adderall for pretty severe ADHD.  For me, it actually calms me down, allows me to focus on things for extended periods of time, and be substantially less hypervigilant and anxious when driving.  Medication generally effects everyone a little differently.  ADHD medication generally works instantly.  Most anti-depressants (SSRI's that are also commonly prescribed for anxiety) can take a few weeks of taking daily to build up in your system and be effective.    \n* 5.  Going to therapy consistently is probably your best bet to help with your anxiety.  Multiple studies show that the best thing you can do is a combination of regular weekly therapy with medication.  If given the option between weekly therapy OR medication only, therapy wins out.  \n\n\nIf you're currently in med school you should look to see if your school offers free counseling for students.  Most colleges and universities do.  Given that you're already paying for it as part of tuition costs, you might as well use it.  \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vtp1b", "comment_id": "e1qg4qo"}, {"question": "Sharing a hotel room with 2 active alcoholics tonight. Oh boy.", "description": "They headed to the bar attached to the lobby as soon as we got our bags to the room. I shut the curtains, turned off the lights and meditated for 20 minutes. Just me and the hum of the AC. My foundation of sobriety has been feeling pretty solid these days, but every now and then...in situations like these, that all-too-familiar thirst creeps in ever so slightly and I feel a little momentary wobble.    \nNow I\u2019m out by the pool...the whole place to myself enjoying the solitude in the heavy air of this Southern summer evening. I am grateful to have clarity, peace, and calm in my mind. Thanks for being here, SD. IWNDWYT.    \n    \nEDIT: Thanks for all of the support, you beautiful people. I realized that little craving snuck up on me because I was HUNGRY! Ate a bunch of different types of empanadas and now I\u2019m going to watch some shitty hotel TV until I pass out. My roomies left to go out to the bars. I\u2019m going to wake up feeling great...", "answer": "Well done. That southern night by the pool sounds really great ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96182w", "comment_id": "e3xpx5j"}, {"question": "Is it normal to have dreams that dont end when you wake up?", "description": "Im a 18yo female with no history of any mental illness and i take no medication \nGoogle was no help, it keeps saying its sleep paralysis tho im not paralyzed after theses dreams \nA couple of nights ago i had a dream that a guy was following me and when i woke up he was in the corner of my room as vivid as a real person \nI immediately sat up and started writing in my dream journal i spoke and told him to leave and he did\nThese sort of dreams also happen with the feeling of touch, not just visuals which i feel is important to say \n\nI didn't feel paralyzed nor was it difficult to breath like i heard happens in sleep paralysis \n\nI dont know if this is related but i feel its worth mentioning but sometimes when im completely awake walls or bedsheets look like they're breathing or ill see growing colors that arent there--- when i told my mom she said shed take me to a psychiatrist when we have more money so i dont see it happening for a while \n\nBasically all i want to know is, is this something i should worry about or are there things i should specifically monitor", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. You should see your primary care physician for a complete physical exam, blood tests, and a referral for a sleep study.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bqw405", "comment_id": "eoa3j2l"}, {"question": "I need an advice dating a girl who has a 18 month old baby but her dad is not around.", "description": "Hey so I have a question me and my girlfriend we broke up after two years of dating. We were going to get married this coming summer but she left me before Christmas because I didn't like her family and didn't like to\nBe around them that much.\nSo now I found this cute girl she is only 25 years old and has a house but she only works as a nanny from home while she spends time with her little daughter. Her older brother lives with her to help pay the bills. My question is what should I expect by dating this girl. She told me she is looking for a father figure for the child, and she is interested in getting married and having a child of my own with her so her daughter can have a sister or a brother.\nShould I get into this or not? I'm tired of dating I just want one women, but in the past 8 years my 3 girlfriends  that I loved left me :/. I'm currently 28 years old and getting older by day. \n\nPlease help lol   ", "answer": "are you ready to be a dad and a settled family man? ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5makj0", "comment_id": "dc233v2"}, {"question": "Should I get a sperm donor?", "description": "I'm a 34 year old woman, two months away from 35. I have always wanted to have children but have never had the opportunity. I'm in a relationship now with an amazing man that is not wanting to start a family just yet because he supports his family. I feel like I'm running out of time to have a child. I've been thinking about getting a sperm donor. Has anyone else gone this route? Can you tell me about your experience? Does it bother you that your child may have multiple siblings out in the world? ", "answer": "many people choose that if traditional pregnancy isn't forthcoming. for many, it's that, or adoption or staying childless.  you may have to get your SO to commit to a time-frame...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vh4l", "comment_id": "do1g7ny"}, {"question": "A few honest questions:  How does one tell, objectively, whether or not they have Asperger's or are emotionally flat from major life trauma?", "description": "I apologize in advance for the wall-of-text:\n\nI'm an early 30-something.  I was raised in a religious family which didn't believe in slapping labels on anything except the most prominent and severe mental conditions.  I've always had a very unusual, outside-the-box way of looking at things (similar to most folks with Asperger's).  I started out my life as a seemingly intelligent, inquisitive kid with a voracious appetite for learning about all sorts of things which didn't interest most others in my age group.  I was someone who was very bubbly, 'spiritual' and engaged with others around me.  I was also an awkward, geeky kid in school who had a very hard time with an active mind which wouldn't let me pay attention easily and I didn't conform to social norms, many of which I didn't understand.  I was always bored and distracted.  I was also very friendly but became less so as I got older, having been picked on a lot because I was geeky and socially awkward.  \n\nLife brought me a lot of religion-based rejection from family & friends upon discovering that I preferred the same sex, went on to date a few people and have a several-year, troubled relationship which ended when my other half left me then quickly died of cancer.  This wrecked me pretty bad and I have some of the telltale signs of PTSD: huge, major gaps in memory in the first few years after the death (as in, entire friendships and interactions with people which should have been significant enough to imprint into memory during that time period... no trace of them), irrational anger, sadness and mental anxiety which comes suddenly out of nowhere and randomly leaves as suddenly as it came on.  There are a lot of times when I just can't shut my head off.  \n\nAs I got older I became very disconnected from previous religiousness as it yielded no comfort for some of the things I went through.  These days I view things in a very cold, logical way and am not given to being or becoming emotionally attached to people.  It has lead to a lot of misunderstanding and difficulty in my life, particularly in my relationships with family & friends.  Some of them have been incredibly accomodating and understanding, others have become increasingly distant and/or nonexistent in my life.  I neither take compliments nor insults very well.  I get the general sense that any/all well-meaning compliments or attempts to help or connect with me stop at the skin and never make it inside to have the intended effect.  I hold almost everything and everyone at arm's length because maintaining friendships & relationships exhausts me.  To get by, I maintain a token facade of minimal interest in and knowledge of popular things which bore me to tears while everyone else thinks they're great: sports, reality shows, celebrities, etc.  \n\nSo my questions are:  How do I determine if what I am currently experiencing is something in the Asperger's spectrum or the typical depression which comes as a result of heavy emotional trauma? It seems that the two conditions share some of the same symptoms.  Is there such a thing as having Asperger's as well as A.D.D. as those also seem to share some of the same symptoms? If so, how does one tell which is which?\n\nI'm kind of at a breaking point, having resorted to smoking cannabis frequently and occasionally drinking heavily because it's often the only way I can turn my head off, enjoy myself and have feelings which don't suck.  I realize that this is not a tenable position in the long term if I expect to have the healthy, productive life I want but am just not capable of taking on right now.  Am trying to figure out which paths I should explore to try to fix my problems.  I'm not fishing for pity as we all have our own, unique struggles and many of you have had it worse than me.  I'm just looking for honest advice and figured you folks might understand and be able to help me figure out what to do and how to weed out my condition(s).  I want to be able to have healthy, normal relationships with those around me and find love again some day. Your help and advice will be much appreciated.\n\n**Metric shitload of edits:** *spelling, grammar, sentence structure and a million nitpicky details*", "answer": "You asked how you could tell \"objectively\" if you have Asperger's = you have Asperger's.  nice and simple.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13ando", "comment_id": "c72mltq"}, {"question": "Another effect of sobriety...libido...lol ?", "description": "As I've discovered, there are many changes that come with sobriety.  One I wasn't expecting was at 45 years old my libido suddenly not only returning, but with the ferocity of a high school student in puberty....lol.\n\nAnyone else experience this ?  Another way my body is returning to normal ?\n\nJust curious...maybe it's just me...lol.", "answer": "Actually, me too!  I'm 85 days sober, and I think mine started to come back a couple of weeks ago.  At least, that's when I started to notice.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dllm2r", "comment_id": "f4ruwgt"}, {"question": "How can I make friends at my kickboxing class?", "description": "I've been going there for about 2 months and the people there are pretty cool people if you know what I mean but I feel so isolated from the rest of them and like an outsider, please help me I don't know what to say to them.. :(", "answer": "Try to invite them to hang out outside of the class. If you strike up a conversation during the class and it's going well, then be like \"Hey, you seem pretty cool. Want to hang out sometime?\" and see where it goes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19iv32", "comment_id": "c8ppc4r"}, {"question": "Can I please take opinions on whether I was abused or not because I don't trust myself enough.", "description": "Hey, um, this might be graphic and so I'll NSFW it as soon as I post it as a trigger warning. I'll TW for emotional and sexual abuse, before we get any further.\n\n\nI was with a girl for two and a half years, and let's call her The Rock because that's funny and it'll maybe make the story easier to tell. Our relationship was fun at first - you know, declarations of love, thoughts of children. We definitely dove into it too fast. I had known her for two years beforehand, though, and thought I knew what I was getting into. She had talked previously about her terrible past relationships, and I was assured that I would be different, because I 'knew' she was good.\n\n\nThen.. it got bad. Over time, I started to wear on her. I didn't do anything the way she liked and she constantly reminded me of this. She would yell, and we took breaks.. Jesus, I don't even know, dozens and dozens of times. They only lasted for a day, however, as we were, I now realise, codependent. \n\n\nOur relationship went downhill past about the first year. She loved her family, which I admired, but she did at the expense of everyone else, including me. If i didn't want to do something with her family, or if I even politely gave a differing opinion, I could and would be bullied for it. See, in retrospect I just feel like a p*ssy. (censoring that in case anyone's affected, I'm just trying to think ahead.)\n\n\nThat was a long-running theme in our relationship - what she wanted mattered more than what I wanted. Her letting me do what I wanted was seen as her giving me a gift, and I felt the need to ask for everything. Half of the time when I did I'd get a 'how could you do that, you don't know me, you don't know who i am' and half of the time I got a 'well duh, you can do what you want.'\n\n\nAnd the thing is, as she did this to me, at the same time she reinforced the idea that I was weak. My kindness, what she had said had made me so beautiful in her eyes at the beginning, my soft heart, was now too soft. She wanted to live a fast life, a dark life, and I wanted to sit in the garden and read a book, and that wasn't okay, and we couldn't do it because she didn't want to and I didn't know what to do without her and thought I loved her.\n\n\nShe screamed at me in the final months of the relationship for not having memorised the layout of her kitchen. Every time I visited her, I would be stepping on eggshells and then I would somehow slip the tiniest thing, and she would scream, and she would make me feel bad, and she would tell me that she wanted me to feel bad, and say that I was the source of her issues. And then, in an hour, she would say that I was lovely, and that she loved me.\n\n\nThis extended to our sex life. We were teenagers, and so we should have used condoms, and I said, repeatedly, that we should use condoms, but she couldn't be bothered, and I caved in. Like most things, it was all about her - sex was, essentially, me thinking of cats and brick walls and other stupid shit to stop myself from cumming too fast. Otherwise, if I did come too fast, she would cry, say that I should have masturbated earlier, and, at one point, hit me. She told me that she could only cum by thinking about other men who didn't love her. I understandably did not know how to process this. I felt sexually weak and impotent and this did not bode well for my libido and so the issue only worsened. She blamed me for her body issues.\n\nAt this point I started to become obsessively sexually attracted to other people. In retrospect I think my subconscious was telling me that I needed to get out. I am naturally, and I now know this, completely monogamous. I went and had sex with a man, as I'm bisexual, and it was a pretty awful experience. In the last months of our relationship I almost arranged to meet and have sex with random girls because.. because I was obsessed with the idea. She knew about all of this, and she reminded me constantly of how much it effected her. \n\n\nFor at least a year and a half, a dark cloud hung over my life, honestly. My parents accidentally insulted her at my sister's wedding and she refused to see them for the entire rest of the relationship. She made me choose between her or them, and, of course, I chose her.\n\n\nNow I am in a relationship with a beautiful boy who loves me very much and I love him very much. I am very attracted to him, sexually and otherwise, but I often find myself unable to be touched. If anything goes wrong, sexually, I want to cease to exist, and a lot of the time, I'm not able to do it out of sheer anxiety. I used to be a very soft person, and I hope I'm still kind, but now I'm quicker to anger, and I don't want to become an abuser.\n\n\nBasically... was I abused? Does that sound like something an abused person would say? I feel like I have the symptoms of PTSD. This is a super long post, I'm sorry. All the best to anyone who reads this.", "answer": "Yes, she was definitely abusive. It sounds like you have symptoms of complex PTSD. \n\nI'm so happy for you that you're in what sounds like a loving relationship now. Please start working with a therapist that specializes in trauma if at all possible. Good luck to you.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5pw5m6", "comment_id": "dcvca3q"}, {"question": "i want to die but i'm fine", "description": "I want to die all the time and constantly think about it. But I am functional - I strive toward goals, exercise, starting a new job I've worked very hard to get in September. Have a lovely SO.\n\nI have been like this for a long long time. I meditate and try to stay aware/mindful but the feeling that I want to die remains pretty much always. If anything bad happens, even small, it becomes stronger.\n\nDo I need help? Is it normal for some people to feel this way? Is it even possible to change this?", "answer": "Yes I would recommend you find help. No matter how stable you are, thoughts of suicide are not healthy. They put your life in danger, no matter how out of place they feel.\n\nYou should consider looking into mental health services. It sounds like your life is going really well, so logically there's no reason for you to consider suicide. There is something contradictory occurring, and it's very important you look into that as soon as possible.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4gkscz", "comment_id": "d2ig3ip"}, {"question": "Did a full shift at work in close quarters with my co-worker who said he's been feeling nauseous all day and could really use some comfort.", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Hi there! I'm sorry you're feeling particularly anxious right now... I've definitely been there before :( However, reviewing some facts about norovirus will probably help put your mind at ease: norovirus is only transmitted via the fecal-oral route (just as gross as it sounds :) ). That means that you have to ingest the virus particles, which are found in fecal matter and v* of people with noro, in order to be infected. Breathing the same air as someone who is infected (and we don't even know if your coworker was infected!) will not get you sick with norovirus. Touching things he touched will not get you sick either, unless he had virus particles on his hands from v*/poop and you touched that surface THEN touched your own mouth without washing your hands.\n\nSo, reviewing logic:\n1) We don't even know if your coworker has a contagious virus\n2) If he does, he wasn't actively sick yet, so he was not yet contagious to you since the virus is only transmitted via fecal-oral\n\nTake some deep breaths and watch a funny TV show or read a good book! :)", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "71umh1", "comment_id": "dndl5wi"}, {"question": "Scared shitless about therapist..", "description": "I have to see a psychiatrist on Monday for the first time ever; what can I expect?", "answer": "You've gotten lots of good advice.  Don't hestitate to ask the psychiatrist questions, either.  Since most appointments are just 15-20 minutes (a consult is usually longer, or a first visit), I jot down notes and questions I have, effects I experience from meds, issues, etc.  I do this when they happen so I don't forget due to muddlydepressiongirlbrain.  I bring the notes with me and if any are still legitimate concerns by the appointment, we discuss them together.\n\nI do this with both the psychiatrist and my therapist.  I keep a journal for the same reason, to track moods and mood triggers.  It's been really helpful alongside my treatment.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yd7bm", "comment_id": "c5upcno"}, {"question": "Caffeine and Anxiety?", "description": "Hello, I have been struggling with anxiety/depression the past 10+ years. I am prescribed sertraline (daily) and Xanax for panic attacks.\n\nI was wanting to see everyone else's experience with caffeine. Does it help your anxiety or make it worse? I struggle to focus daily and knowing I can't focus makes my anxiety worse and I'm less productive.  It seems I can not fully process. So I will drink about 200mg caffeine and that gives me the confidence to get work done. I never really get anxiety from caffeine like most people. So I'm not sure where to go from here. ", "answer": "While there's a hell of a lot more that goes into than just this, feeling calmer after taking stimulants can be one indicator of ADHD.  Inability to focus can cause pretty severe depression and anxiety.  A lot of times, undiagnosed ADHD can be the root cause of severe depression and especially anxiety when left untreated.  \n\nCaffeine in general will make most people that are already anxious more anxious.  It can be a good booster for those depressed to get motivated to get stuff done (as inactivity when there are responsibilities to take care of will cause a ton of natural anxiety).\n\nIt may be worth it to talk to a psychiatrist or even your general practitioner about your symptoms and concerns regarding inability to focus.  \n\nFor instance, a lot of people take ADHD meds recreationally.  They're stimulants and people without ADHD take them to get hyped.  If someone with ADHD takes them, it more often than not has the reverse effect and calms them down.   \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "731ha0", "comment_id": "dnmvqiy"}, {"question": "How long should you wait?", "description": "If things ended and you both need some space, how long do you wait before reconnecting?\n\nToo long may kill the chances of getting back together, though so too could trying to reconnect too soon.\n\nAnyone been in this situation?", "answer": "breaks should be defined. did it end or is it a break? breaks should be one month, with scheduled contact and no dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6belks", "comment_id": "dhlzojc"}, {"question": "My 8yr old has a bad diet", "description": "She is extremely picky when it comes to foods and I'm concerned that she's not getting her dailey nutrition. \n\nI make myself a protein shake in the morning. She does not like to drink milk. So, I pour a little bit into a cup for her, less than half a cup. Im making maybe a 16oz cup and I'll give her maybe 4. \n\nHer mom thinks this is a bad idea that's its not healthy for her. My argument is that now she's drinking milk and getting some proteins....\n\nIs it bad for her?\n\nhttps://imgur.com/gallery/oRa11\n\nThe protein in question\n\n", "answer": "You're giving her protein. It's not exactly balanced nutrition. Multivitamins and/or omega-3 might be a better option.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531mij", "comment_id": "d7p88sp"}, {"question": "Doing really bad mentally... have some questions about psychiatric medication", "description": "Hi, I have major depression and anxiety alongside ASD (Asperger's). I also have a substance misuse problem in the form of daily cannabis use, paired with stimulant use (MDMA, LSD) around 1-3 a month. Occasionally I'll lose faith in everything for the billionth time and I'll try something like Oxycodone, but that's a rarity, especially as I accidentally overdosed recently and had to be taken into hospital. I turned 18 in September, am a smoker and have been trying to hold down a 9-5, Monday-Friday job for 6 months but it's starting to feel really impossible.\n\nFYI, I'm 18, male, 181cm, 77kg, white British.\n\nI first got help in September 2018, where I was prescribed Fluoxetine by my GP. I went up to 40mg/day for around 3 months with no benefit whatsoever. After this failed to work, I started taking Cannabis regularly and that has stayed ever since. I was eventually referred to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) and the psychiatrist prescribed me Sertraline (went up to 150mg for 3 months) and I started work with a counsellor. Turns out the counselor was the definition of useless and the Sertraline had absolutely no effect like the Fluoxetine, with the only exception being that I felt more emotionally \"blunt\" than usual. From this point, I was seeing my psychiatrist every two months and I believe I quit 6th Form (college) shortly after this.\n\nAfter this and multiple suicide attempts, I eventually ended up back with my psychiatrist, this time needing something radically different given the circumstances. I specifically didn't want to try another SSRI, given that I had already tried two unsuccessfully and I was a few months from being 18, I asked for Duloxetine as it has no further toxicity risk than an SSRI and TCAs obviously do.\n\nUnfortunately, after going up to 60mg for 2 months, I only noticed adverse side effects (like extreme sleepiness, one of my main problems) and no benefits. My psychiatrist added low-dose (50-100mg/day) Quetiapine on after this, and I stayed on the Duloxetine for a few more weeks but eventually came off it. I also came off the Quetiapine after about a month since I noticed no benefit.\n\nMy aunt takes Pregabalin for her anxiety and I was aware of it as 3rd-line anxiolytic in the UK, so I asked my psychiatrist and he told me they \"don't use that here\" and he \"\\[didn't\\] want to add it to his 'medication repertoire'. That made me annoyed as I was struggling with extreme anxiety alongside the depression, and I had tried Gabapentin before with success as an anxiolytic, so I bought it and started taking it. It worked like a miracle drug and took a huge load off my shoulders. Just remember that at this point, this is the only psychiatric medication I've taken that's had a benefit. After about 2 months, I saw a gastroenterologist (for my IBS) and he prescribed it to me. This means I'm taking it for a psychiatric purpose yet it's prescribed for neuropathic pain... nevertheless, it still works.\n\nI started taking Quetiapine again to help with sleep as I tried to get off cannabis (failed) but I ended up taking a dose of about 150-250mg/day opposed to my prescribed dose of 100mg/day, which is what I've noticed has helped slightly compared to the low-dose. I'm not sure how to explain this to my psychiatrist, as he wanted to keep me on a low dose yet didn't even bother to ask me if I'm still taking it (despite it being months since he prescribed it).\n\nI also tried self-administration of low-dose Ketamine on a weekly basis (done properly with tested pharmaceutical Ketamine administered intramuscularly), and whilst it did help on the day, the residual effects were not great enough for me to justify continuing treatment. The one thing I did notice is that it is extremely beneficial for me when when I'm suicidal, and now instead of going to A&E for 5 hours only to be told to go home because you're not psychotic, I can administer an injection of Ketamine and it has truly remarkable results.\n\nI'm seeing my psychiatrist in February and plan to ask him about some specific medications:\n\n1. Buspirone, a serotonin receptor agonist, for anxiety\n2. Vortioxetine, an SSRI/serotonin modulator, for depression and anxiety\n3. Lithium, for mood stabilisation\n\nI also plan on buying some Tianeptine, an atypical \u00b5-opioid receptor agonist, useful for depression, anxiety and IBS as it is only available in Portugal and I wish to try it. I'll trial this before seeing my psychiatrist and will discuss with him if it's useful.\n\nMy question is, are there any medications I've missed or anything else that's worth looking at?", "answer": "Rather than add more drugs, particularly for anxiety the first and best intervention is to stop cannabis. Anything is is trying to paper over something that clearly contributes to the problem.\n\nReally, with so much self-administered polypharmacy it\u2019s very hard to know how you\u2019re doing underneath it all. First, stop other things for a sustained period. Then figure out what, if anything, you still need.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eo3vjz", "comment_id": "fe8f2bd"}, {"question": "What type of therapist is needed?", "description": "I am hoping to convince my mom to talk to someone.\n\nDad has some health issues, and likely frontotemporal dementia (behavioral variant, still doing tests).  It's obviously causing them both a lot of stress, but given the emotional disconnect with the dementia for Dad, my mom is faring worse.  Dad is now often incapable of compromise in anything, Mom is feeling like \"not a person\" to him.  Dad has just started seeing someone to help with behavioral issues (that was quite a battle), no idea yet if that will improve anything.  \n\nMom won't join a support group for herself or do couples counsling because she thinks neither will be helpful due to the dementia issues and 40 years of marriage issues and won't do joint dementia therapy because reasons???\n\nAny suggestions for a type of assistance or therapy that will help her deal with things?  She calls me to vent, but is adamant that it's not venting, that I just need to know what's going on in case Dad ends up living with me if she can't deal with it.  I can't do much from 500 miles away.\n\nAny suggestions for a specific type of therapy or support?", "answer": "Couples therapy isn\u2019t appropriate at this time. \n\nYour mother needs individual therapy to give her a place to process these changes and related stress. Your father needs to continue with his own behavioral therapy. Any licensed therapist will be able to support her in this journey.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yxm1", "comment_id": "es5bd4y"}, {"question": "4 days sober, 2 days on campral", "description": "This is the longest I've gone in 3 years now, day 3 is usually the day I fuck up. Day 1 was a nightmare, I was absolutely seething. Day two was much the same. Day 3 I started taking campral, and things were a bit better, I actually got some sleep and my appetite returned (holy shit, i'm always hungry now).\n\nToday is day four, and I'm determined not to drink. I'm still waiting until 6pm up take my campral as it makes me drowsy, so I just need to hang in there until then and I'll have made it another day.\n\nHow are you guys doing? \n\nTIWNDWY", "answer": "Congrats! Day 7 here. AA is helping me so much. (I know AA is not for everyone.) \n\nFor today, I will not drink. One day at a time.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "gkuh5a", "comment_id": "fqtcpem"}, {"question": "Help for Anxiety/Insomnia", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You don't say what the \"maximum dose\" you're taking is. There's some evidence that higher than standard doses of escitalopram may be more effective for some patients.\n\nThe best treatment for insomnia and anxiety, both in terms of efficacy and side effects, is psychotherapy. CBT for insomnia is well validated and can be found many places, including in modified form online.\n\nOther possible medications include doxepin (Silenor/Sinequan), trazodone (Desyrel, but rarely goes by brand name), gabapentin (Neurontin), suvorexant (Belsomra), or Z-drugs (Ambien/zolpidem, Lunesta/eszopiclone, etc.), in roughy the order that I would consider them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e7zcgd", "comment_id": "fa99kch"}, {"question": "We are trying to save it", "description": "Ok so long story I pretty much cheated on my girl friend of 4 years. Now by that I mean I was talking to other girls. She found went through my phone saw them and kicked me out. Now that was 2 weeks ago. We have been talking she wants me to move back and we both want to fix this. I've been open with her about it. Told her everything. Now the only thing is. Is we don't know what to do next. We don't know how to fix. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60g91g", "comment_id": "df65jn9"}, {"question": "Me [39 M] with my GF [40 F] 4 months, moved in with her, somewhat out on a limb, need help separating out some issues and dealing constructively with them", "description": "It's only been a little over four months, but it's been quite the whirlwind. We met, we clicked, we had a lot energy between us. I can't remember the last time I felt that strongly about someone, not that I would claim to have never loved nor felt strong feelings for anyone before her. From the beginning, I have had to negotiate the terrain presented by the fact she has kids. Perhaps a little background on me is worth explaining here at this juncture..\n\nI have spent roughly the last decade in a series of sporadic, abortive 'relationships' and one-night stands, essentially living a hollow existence of working and going out drinking a lot, and basically womanising at any opportunity. Really only as a means to the end of hopefully meeting someone with whom I could have a real connection with. Nonetheless this existence has left me without children of my own, and my relationship with V has been a series of firsts, not least in this department.\n\nI feel I have had to do a lot of growing up in short order, and spend a lot of time outside of my comfort zones. I don't think I would trade that for the life I had, here I feel like there is more value and purpose to my life supporting her and the family.\nFrom the beginning, we haven't had the opportunities to properly 'date', barring our first date. Which itself didn't last very long before we went back to hers, as she gets no real support from her family for childcare and had had to leave her two younger children under supervision of her early-teens son, which she could only do for a couple of hours. So from the start, it's been based on being at hers and hanging out a lot in her kitchen. And those days have been good, we've put the world to rights and generally got to learn an immense amount about each other. You play the cards you're dealt in life, if I stuck to the convention of what dating should involve, we could never have gotten to know each other the way we do.\n\nShe lived quite a fair bit away from me and I've done the lion's share of the travelling, not that I resent that, but it couldn't continue forever. The taxis were expensive, eating a fair chunk of my finances and geography didn't really allow other options. Furthermore as I spent more time at hers, I was spending money both on holding down my own flat and also on supporting her and the kids.\n\nMoney is tight for her, and somewhat sooner than one would expect, its come down to a decision to move in together. Which we did, last week. Not without some apprehension, I ruthlessly culled my possessions and moved into hers. She has family and friends here, I don't. I did/do have a fear of it being too suffocating for her, and I'll explain that and more about her now.\n\nV is complex. And not unlike me in that respect. She is intelligent, intuitive and very fucking feisty when she wants to be. That can manifest itself in positive and negative ways. What's great about us is we both know our shit stinks, and will usually admit to our failings and misdeamenours and forgive each other. I think that's an important quality in a successful relationship.\n\nBut she has experienced a lot of trauma in her life, in her past relationships. She only recently moved back up north to this area, only some three or four months prior to meeting me. The previous chapter of her life was down south, with the two fathers of her four kids. The father of her older two kids was a manipulative sociopath, gaslighting and beating her semi-regularly. As one might expect, this experience leaves her quick to be defensive - in general I'd say it's given her a keen sense of 'survival' - which means I suppose she has trouble letting people in. Her subsequent relationship with the father of her younger two kids I would summarise as \"he was a nice man, but stubborn, completely lacking domestically and in the common sense department.\" As it was presented to me, at least. She broke up with him shortly before coming back up north with her older son and two youngest, and mentally and physically she'd left him a long time before that, spending nigh on a year going out constantly and sleeping on the couch.\n\nHer anxieties are compounded by the fact that roughly a year ago, she was raped whilst intoxicated by some semi-random acquaintance. It left her with what has been diagnosed as Complex PTSD. She has been in counselling since she moved back, once a week. If I'm honest, I do dread that particular day of the week as I know she will be bruised and battered emotionally, and hence cold, distant and on a short fuse. I sympathise, and know better than to ask about it. I try and stay out her way and tend to practical matters. She's a very expressive sleeper, she talks and moves around a lot in her sleep, sometimes crying. She has a lot of nightmares about the things that have happened to her, and to sleep with her is to know and understand how real it all is.\n\nOutside of counselling, dealing with the demands of her two younger children can leave her absolutely drained, and often she needs space in those rare moments of peace and quiet rather than to hang out with me and talk. She gets that burnt out by it all. I continue to learn to respect these boundaries.\n\nYou might wonder how this has affected our sex life - well for most of it, it's been on a positive trajectory, at least in terms of her slowly becoming more intimate with me and learning to relax and treat it not as an obligation she has to fulfill to me, but as something that's about her needs as well. I could get more detailed, hopefully you can read between the lines a little here. When we first met, we slept fully clothed next to each other. She was just grateful for a hug. Slowly we progressed to sex, at first treated mechanically, but as I say, we moved forward from there to something more mutually enjoyable and closer.\n\nI'd say even prior to moving in, we have had something of an accelerated relationship. We have very quickly got past the initial flush of lust and fascination, to a more 'married' dynamic, even before my moving in with her. I'm not a figure of fascination to her anymore, she doesn't have a burning desire to know about me and my day as she once did. Understandable. We've moved to a place in our relationship where we know each other, there aren't so many secrets and mysteries, and we're preoccupied with the necessary mundanities of life.\n\nIf that sets the scene for some of the issues she has, which I take on as part and parcel of who she is - and she is who I want to share my life with. We all have our flaws, there are no perfect people and it's questionable as to what the perfect relationship might entail. I have more of a handle on who she is, at this precise moment, than who I am. Nothing, or no-one, who was ever worth anything, was ever easy.\n\nWith her being an incredibly intuitive, and really learned in terms of the experience she's had in life, she has brought me to confront some uncomfortable truths about who or what I am. For someone who has spent a long time looking after himself alone, holding down a job and a place without family support or much consistency in my life in general - just having to do it all myself really - I am somehow quite needy. I hate that about me. I always try to put her needs ahead of mine, but I am sometimes just looking for a sign that I actually have a place or add value to her life. This can predictably drive her away. When I feel we're on the same page - when we're happy or chatting happily or whatever - I don't feel a need to know we're ok. But when she puts her barriers up, I tend fear for the state and trajectory of our relationship. A silent process of Facebook and Candy Crush therapy often ensues. I used to find this somewhat rude and ignorant, but I've come to appreciate the role they play in taking her away from her problems. As I say, I am learning to back off in these times.\n\nAnd that's another thing I've had to confront about myself since meeting her - I have a tendency to overthink. I analyse things incessantly. I don't enjoy it, I too am happier when I am just 'being' rather than wondering about the state of our relationship. Mindfulness, I believe, is the relevant concept. And I am intense. Too intense for her, she feels. I think that manifests itself as my wanting to confront parts of our relationship whilst she doesn't want to be dealing with heavy shit like that. There's rarely a right time to discuss these things. Not to get too drawn into equivocating too much, but she too is intense. Really I wonder if my intensity is unpleasant only when I'm wanting to talk about us. We're both passionate people, and that can also make for a good dynamic, on a good day.\n\nSo whilst I think I'm adapting and learning to deal with her kids, and her boundaries, there's something that really leaves me no choice for the moment but to throw myself at the mercy of Reddit. I have had an ongoing problem for a number of years - it takes me ages to cum, if at all. The sex life I said earlier had a positive trajectory, is now at rock bottom. I hate to be graphic, but most women on some level like to be, well, you know, as well as the more tender and protracted lovemaking sessions. And she's had enough. I leave her cold, and right now it's off the menu. I can get it up, I can make her cum (she loves when I go down on her, she's never had that unconditionally before) - but I can't finish the deed and that frustrates her so much. Of course, that feeds into a fear that she'd end up going elsewhere.\n\nThat leads me somewhere else - we quasi-talk about swinging. I feel like my love for her is pure, I care about her needs, and it's something she's occasionally played with the idea of taking back control of; the abusive ex-partner used to coerce her into swinging and going dogging, usually getting her off her face beforehand. This only comes out when we're intoxicated, and I think we both feel sober that we need to be good with ourselves first.\n\nI know how good we can be when we have our shit going on, but right now our shit is not going on.\n\nI'm not even sure what I'm asking of you, but I don't have anywhere else to take this right now. Perhaps as in the title, what relates to what, what can be 'fixed', how bad does it look to you?\n\nTL;DR: Her - PTSD, barriers, cold, distant. Me - Too intense, guilty of neediness, sexual problems.", "answer": "getting therapy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vb60a", "comment_id": "de0qmcx"}, {"question": "Mandated report question", "description": "I couldn't find an answer to this hypothetical, could you all help?\n\nVictim is mid twenties who brought up abuse suffered between fifteen and years prior. She's been no contact with abuser for ten years.\n\nIs therapist required to report the abuse be victim was a child back then or not mandated because victim is now an adult? Does the state matter?", "answer": "Don\u2019t quote me on this but I think in most places there is no statute of limitations when it comes to childhood sexual abuse.....but just calling the line they can tell you if it warrants report or not and maybe do that before you tell the client that you need to report it. Then gather info from the client (the agency can probably let you know what info they will need for a report). \nThings I would probably find out from the client: \n\nFull name and age \n\nDo they know where the abuser is now? \n\nDo they know if the abuser currently has access to kids? \n\nAlso remind the client that things will be kept confidential and that if anything comes of it you\u2019ll process and work through that as things come up. Then if there\u2019s decisions to make about anything you\u2019ll figure it out.  (Some clients may fear having to testify or press charges etc. and it\u2019s also opening up the wounds even more).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "edhjvu", "comment_id": "fblypb8"}, {"question": "Advice on early childhood experience", "description": "I know a lot of children explore their bodies and sometimes do so with friends, but I have a memory from kindergarten that has stuck with me throughout the years. As someone who's experienced sexual assault on different occasions, I'm wondering if this early experience could even be classified as trauma and what I can do to get past it. I've mentioned this experience to a professional previously and they basically dismissed it as nothing.\n\nI remember being in the back on class at a table with another kid. His parents ran the school, which was very small, a few kids to each grade. I think it may have been snack time and he turned to me and asked me if I wanted to play a game that he plays at home with his family. I said yes. He told me to pull down my tights and underwear so I did so and he touched me down there. \n\nI got home that night and was having dinner. My parents asked me how my day was and I mentioned that so and so touched my \"private parts\". Not knowing there was anything wrong with this. Of course my parents were not happy and came to the school to speak with the principal, his father. I dont really know what they discussed but all I was told was that people werent supposed to touch me there and I dont think we spoke of it ever again. I think a lot of shame stems from this experience but I'm not sure because I dont speak about what happened with anyone. \n\nI have flashbacks of this memory often and feel disgusting and naked when I do think of it. I dont know what to do. And I dont want feel dismissed again like I did when I brought it up to that professional. Am I just overreacting? I know it's common for kids to play and explore but I felt like I was tricked into something even by a child my own age. And it kind of disturbed me that he said it was a game his family played at home.\n\nAny help or advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Please no negative comments. It's taken me years to even bring this up.", "answer": "I think this is one of those situations where teo things can be true.  The other child's behavior could be within the range of typical childhood exploration AND you be legitimately victimized by it.  One does not invalidate the other .\n\nGenerally speaking,  this behavior alone is not cause for concern (same age,  nothing particularly violent), but that only speaks to the child who did it.  That doesn't mean your feelings are wrong. You aren't overreacting.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hoj01k", "comment_id": "fxi8hzw"}, {"question": "How I stayed sober today...a college student with 13 months (AA).", "description": "This is what has worked for me...\n\nBefore I relieve myself in the morning I **hit my knees** and thank my Higher Power for another opportunity to stay sober again, just for today.\n\nStart the coffee. Shower. Eat. \nI read the daily reflection in *Touchstones* by Hazelden, a morning meditation book for men, and then **call my sponsor**. We discuss the reading, laugh at ourselves, and exchange our plans for the day. \nIt's a beautiful morning.\nI leave my apartment for class with the *intention of being the best man I can be, just for today.*\n\nIts lunch time and I **call another alcoholic** in the program. We laugh and talk shop. \nI have lunch with some friends. \nIt's afternoon now and I do some of my homework. \n\nBy 4:30 I head to a church on campus to set up the \"Students and young people\" **meeting.** Coffee ready to go, big books and readings, check. I go out for a cig. \n\nFriends from the rooms begin to show up and we're laughing and having fun. The meeting is dynamite.\n\nNow begins the meeting-after-the-meeting. **Where many of us all go out for dinner and have fun.** \n\nI am back at my place and finish some school work. \nShower. Brush my teeth.\nI **hit my knees again** and thank my Higher Power for the opportunity to stay sober again, just for today.\nSleep. ", "answer": "18 year old college student with 12 months here. Everyday I put my shoes under my bed at night and take them out in the morning. What you have outlined is all I need in life to stay sober; a rigorous plan of action, a fellowship of alcoholics, and a power greater than myself that can do for me what I can't.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1on2lz", "comment_id": "cctk0kb"}, {"question": "I'm terribly afraid of dying but have almost no way of actually getting answers about whats ailing me.", "description": "Im 19 and male and I've developed rather strange ailments the last few months maybe even years. I live with my parents and am still on their insurance, I'm 270lbs, I vape, I have major anxiety issues, terrible sleep and fatigue issues, this weird constant headache (everything I've seen says its a stress headache but it comes with this sound of like a kinked hose running down the back of my neck) Ive had a mild arrythmia for the last 6 months or so (I'm on metoprolol for it), I've had what feels like shortness of breath for a while (probably 3 months), among a few others. \n\nso heres where the issue lies, I have a crippling fear of death, I live with my parents, and I live in Oklahoma. There are no real good doctors here, and even if there were I simply am unable to convince my parents to allow me to actually see a doctor within a reasonable time frame. For the last couple days my leg has hurt and given the arrythmia (which has no real cause according to the kinda crappy cardiologist I have had a few appointments with) and given the shortness of breath really makes me worry about an embolism of some sort, the issue is ive been to the doctor to discuss my problems (from the sleep issue which resulted in a cpap that has done absolutely nothing to help me, to an issue where Id wake up and fall asleep into near constant sleep paralysis.) and rarely if ever come out with any help, ya know theyll take my temperature and blood pressure and listen to my lungs but never really do any actual diagnosing. I think this is mainly an Oklahoma problem but when I bring these problems up to my parents they just say I should take some ibuprofen and a shower. Ive heard all my life that if you think something's wrong you should see a doctor but Im stuck in a position where seeing a doctor would be futile and my parents refuse to actually take me anyway so I just sit here completely anxious and lie awake at night terrified of sleeping. Anyone got any advice?", "answer": "You don't have a diagnosis, but that is not the same as not having any examination or testing done to rule things out. Presumably the cardiologist has done at least some of that.\n\nAt some point it's worth looking into how much your symptoms could be driven by anxiety. Anxiety, poor sleep, fatigue, headache, and arrhythmia can all be interlinked. You don't mention a psychiatrist or therapist or any treatment of any kind for the anxiety you mention. Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e4rutl", "comment_id": "f9f434n"}, {"question": "Offering to take other /stopdrinking redditors to a meeting?", "description": "I know that /stopdrinking is not about AA.  \n\nI will be 10 years sober later this month and I am one of the people that was ADAMANTLY against going to AA.  Once I got humble enough, I did, and it was what got me help.\n\nIt isn't for anyone, I know.\n\nBut for a lot of people (me included) the problem is not having someone to go to that first meeting with you or not know how to find a meeting or what to do. It's intimidating and humiliating for many.\n\nI read posts here and think, \"if they were local I would take them to my homegroup.\"  \n\nIs this kind of thing possible? Is there another subreddit where people can help others who are local?  Of course there are safety concerns, etc, but we all just have to be careful.\n\nJust a thought, thanks all.", "answer": "Anyone in Durham or Chapel Hill NC that wants to go shoot me a message.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2a09vo", "comment_id": "ciqa743"}, {"question": "Help on studying", "description": "Hey everyone! I just started college and since high school I've had a hard time concetrating and studying, does anyone have any tips?", "answer": "You may have to try different methods of studying to figure out what works best for you. Here's a big list, try whatever you think would work. Personally I never really needed to study outside of class much in high school so when I went to college it was a BIG shock that I couldn't just... remember stuff! I had to learn the hard way how to study.\n\nI'd recommend always taking notes in class, then taking the time (at least 1 hour per week per class) to review those notes, do any textbook reading, work on any homework, and actually REWRITE notes when I could. When I did that I didn't just copy, I would either go through and highlight or bold key words and vocab, write it cleaner and more organized, group similar ideas together, and go back to the textbook for ideas that were new or complex. \n\nI also always hand-write notes in class (the act of physically writing can help you focus and remember), but then sometimes type up a more organized outline. Having to rearrange things forces you to interact with what you actually wrote down.\n\nFor memorizing things I made flash cards. I work better with physical ones but there are apps like Quizlet that let you make some online or on your phone. \n\nIf you're an auditory learner, ask if you can record the lecture and listen to it again later. I had one prof actually upload her lectures online like podcasts. Those are good to listen to while driving or doing something else. \n\nAlso get a study buddy!! Your college probably has a tutoring center, or talk to a classmate or roommate or friend to study with you. \n\nAlso also DON'T STUDY WHERE YOU SLEEP/CHILL. I can't study in front of my computer at home because my brain thinks its internet time so I distract myself easily. Go somewhere where your ONLY purpose of being there is to study. Library, coffee shop, whatever. If you can't leave your building at least sit in another room or something. \n\nThe most important thing is that you actually make time to study and STICK TO IT. Put it on your calendar, and even if you don't have homework or its an easy week in class, study anyway or at least use that time to work on other things.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eq3bux", "comment_id": "fendvub"}, {"question": "My oh my. I made it.", "description": "My son turned 21 tonight. Probably 50 people at the house with more alcohol than I\u2019ve ever seen. Not a sip even after about 100 offers. \u201cCome on, your son only turns 21 once.\u201d  \u201cNo thanks,\u201d over and over again.  I\u2019m exhausted. Good night. ", "answer": "Well done. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8itb2f", "comment_id": "dyusv34"}, {"question": "Why do I always want to kill myself?", "description": "Even if my life is going good, I always have this impulsive thought of suicide. At random times I just say \"I really wanna kill myself\".\n\nIt's like suicidal thoughts linger round my mind eternally.", "answer": "This always helps when I feel like dying: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsB37KUAso](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsB37KUAso)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "emfo3o", "comment_id": "fdoh4ma"}, {"question": "I still love her. It's a bittersweet thing, the memories and all.", "description": "I was in love with someone once, first time in my life I felt truely and deeply connected.\n\nUnfortunately it came to an end, but looking back and all that's happened since then, I still love her.\n\nI don't know what to think or do really, because it was 2 years ago when we last saw each other.\n\nShe ended the relationship. She never said why, she never explained anything. She just walked away. My Hope, my sunshine, my strength, all the things she had given me, that I struggled with, that's all gone now.\n\nI look back sometimes and smile, because I remember how wonderful it was.\n\nBut most of the time I fell depressed and lost, like I lost the most valuable thing I had ever been given.\n\nMost of the time I don't even think about her, she's a 2nd thought that's been placed on the bookshelf to get dusty and lay forgotten. But mentally I'll walk by that bookshelf of memories and see her story with me there. \n\nIt hurts, more than I had ever imagined. I still love her, She was wonderful to me the entire time, right up until the end.\n\nShe wanted to say friends afterward, but after a few months, I had to tell her no and cut her out of my life, because she was killing me still being around.\n\nWish I could never remember her ever again, I'd be so much happier.\n\nI'm trying to date a guy right now, sorta. But some of the things he does reminds me of the girl I once loved.\n\nShouldn't it be that a new person brings new horizons and memories? I don't want to be reminded of her when he's being kind and gentle to me.\n\nI try hard to look back at her and I as a time in my life that I enjoyed and became a better person, but try as I might, the reality of what happened afterwards is constantly here.\n\nI got really sick, stress caused a lot of health issues, my bipolar depression and manic became unbearable, I relapsed back into cutting. And worst of all the stress built up and I had a stroke. \n\nSo sometimes I sit here in my quiet appartment, and try to not think about the one truely joyous time in my life as something negative that it ended.\n\nI still love her, I'm keeping the promise she made me agree too when she ended it.\n\nI'm still here Hope, I'm alive and waiting, I've made it out of that horrible place I ended up in. I'm safe and sound now, but I wonder if that matters to you anymore. I promised you I would, but where are you?\n\nI still love her, and I wish it'd all just go away.", "answer": "You know what I think? I think that this means that you have the potential to love someone like this again, might not be her, but you definitely seem like you have a lot of love to give. I've felt similarly in the past, but you might be surprised at how deeply and passionately you can feel again. It's scary, yes, but doable. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28nguk", "comment_id": "cicmf5h"}, {"question": "Advice on porn use needed", "description": "I've been attempting to give up porn for two years now.  Longest streak was 120 days.   Although I'm starting to have my doubts, if it's as unhealthy as Christians and nofap supporters make it out to be.  It's kind of freaky how they seem to blame most of there problems on porn.\n\nI have some dignoised mental problems such as anxiety and depression like symptoms.  So I find socialising hard and dating an nearly impossible task.  I'm 27 and I heavily doubt I will find a girlfriend because of my shyness and mental condition.\n\nI guess they advice I'm seeking is that do you guys think I will be happier if I continue to give up porn and masterbation, if I will most likely live the rest of my life alone without a partner?", "answer": "It sounds like you could use support around exploring sexuality in a healthy, non-judgmental, guilt-free way. There is no reason why porn can't be a part of a healthy sex life if done so reasonably. If you're watching porn instead of working, can't function without it etc. then you have a problem. But if you have something that you enjoy - enjoy it. Plenty of men masturbate and watch porn AND are in relationships. And plenty of men have depression and anxiety and are in relationships. You might benefit from seeing a therapist for support and helping you build up your confidence. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72x7aa", "comment_id": "dnm1e02"}, {"question": "Someone in my small apartment building is stealing my mail, what are some clever ways to catch them?", "description": "So, I live in a small apartment building only a handful of units and their's a dirty no good mail thief. Our shared mailbox has a hole were the lock used to be, so anyone can grab your mail. The management is pretty much nonexistent and hasn't done a damn thing, same goes for USPS. What are some clever ways to catch this POS and put an end to it? I was thinking of getting one of those glitter bombs mailed to my house, or putting something (that won't injury them) in an empty Amazon box and just leaving it at the bottom of the steps. Then, just wait for them to open it and hopefully catch them. ", "answer": "So what did you end up doing, when is it arriving, and what kind of box is it in? Asking out of pure curiosity. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "74yt83", "comment_id": "dod16nh"}, {"question": "Primidone side effects", "description": "Female, 48, 5'1\", 138lbs\n\nMeds:  Wellbutrin 300mg, Trazodone 100mg\n\nNon smoker, no alcohol\n\nI was started on Primidone 2 days ago,  50mg twice a day for essential tremor.  Doctor originally discussed beta blocker but my BP is normally on the low end and he went with Primidone.  I noticed improvement after second dose and I'm very pleased.  Question is how long does it normally take to adjust to a new medication?  I'm unusually tired and worried how this will affect me at work. ", "answer": "It may or may not ever happen, depending on the medication and the side effect. Primidone is a barbiturate, and barbiturates are sedating by their primary CNS depressant effects. I would say to give it at least a week, but I have no real evidence to back that up. Depending on just how low your blood pressure runs and whether you have any symptoms from it, a beta blocker might still be a possibility, although causing hypotension can also make you feel tired.\n\nThere are beta blockers that are more BP-neutral, but the mechanism behind that likely would also make them ineffective for essential tremor. I don't know much about it, though; that might be a question for your doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92ob0o", "comment_id": "e375hix"}, {"question": "Do thyroid hormones fluctuate?", "description": "25, Asian male. 5'7 140lbs. No drugs, no alcohol, non-smoker, totally clean. No medication but I do occasionally take multivitamins.  I have some what seem to be thyroid issue symptoms. Got my blood tested and TSH and T4 are within the middle of the reference range, but my T3 is 3.2 out of 3.1-6.2 pmol/L. The doctor said I'm fine (assuming because the number isn't flagged because it's within range), but shouldn't it be a cause for concern that I'm almost hitting the bottom of the reference range? I mean, if I do another blood test, it may very well be outside the range, or if I did a blood test again at another lab, the ref range there could be different. I'm dealing with symptoms but it seems like I need to chase these numbers to legitimize my issues for the doctor.", "answer": "If TSH and T4 are normal than now, a \"low normal\" T3 is not particularly meaningful; even a truly low T3 would not be consistent with hypothyroidism in that picture. You may have symptoms consistent with hypothyroidism, but hypothyroidism symptoms are quite nonspecific, and in this case the cause does not appear to be thyroid-related.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9dytfs", "comment_id": "e5kwh9c"}, {"question": "Unable to eat due to anxiety (no appetite)", "description": "Hello,\n\nSo as of recently I have been struggling to eat. It all stemmed from a few weeks ago when I was going to go out to breakfast with my girlfriend (now ex girlfriend). I woke up and was hungry but didn't want to eat because I did not want to not eat when I went out for breakfast. The whole way there I was feeling super hungry and thirsty as well as very anxious. I did not end up going to breakfast, instead just went home and tried to eat but could not eat anything. I had a few bites of cereal and after that day I have had no appetite and eating seems to be very hard. I am constantly worrying about being able to eat and having anxiety over not being full enough. I am eating regularly but I have to force myself to eat. They're just small meals (a few waffles with milk, 1 or 2 PB&J sandwiches, bagels) and I am making sure I am drinking water. I eat about every 2 or 3 hours but if I don't I start to feel nauseous. I am constantly focusing on if I am full or need to eat more and worrying about when I will have to eat next. I literally cannot do anything else because that is all I think about.\n\nI just went back on Lexapro 5mg about 4 days ago (today is my 4th day) but I have not really noticed any changes. I am going to give it time and see if it works, if not I will have to up my dosage. I have been on it before when I was a teenager but now I am in my very early 20's. I also went and got my blood work done and just this morning my doctor called me and told me everything is just fine so I know nothing is physically wrong with me. I am going next Thursday to see a therapist as well and my GP in about a month for a checkup.\n\nHas anyone dealt with this or something similar? If so, what did you do to overcome this? I am looking for anything useful to try. I have been trying to research the issue but haven't really found much. The only thing I have seen is people meditating or exercising beforehand, or drinking smoothies and protein shakes (which I am going to try). Like I said, I am looking for any tips or success stories to make me feel more hopeful. I am starting to think negative and worry that I will never be able to get over this.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been there too.  Despite my best efforts I couldn\u2019t make myself eat.   My anxiety comes and goes in waves and only say it\u2019s most extreme levels does my appetite die.   I was able to drink though.  Maybe drinking protein shakes or something related might be helpful?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "aw8dc1", "comment_id": "ehknrgx"}, {"question": "[17F] Sudden temporary and complete blindness in both eyes", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Thinking more about this, one very rare possibility is partial seizure. Most first-time seizures without cause don\u2019t recur, so if it doesn\u2019t happen again there\u2019s only speculation, but if it does there\u2019s a small possibility that focal epileptic activity in the visual center of the brain causes brief blindness. A neurologist could help with that evaluation. The good news for they \u201czebra\u201d rare problem is that antiepileptic medications seem effective from the small literature I could fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gpdwvf", "comment_id": "frma2ln"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "I don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. If people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. I think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. I myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where I do find happiness and joy in most days, even though I\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. I still get my bad flare ups, but I\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. I practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know I\u2019m in more of a down place and I may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. Truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. No one else can do it for us. They can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef0tbbg"}, {"question": "It's that time of the day", "description": "I just got done working, and I have to immediately switch gears and get working on my thesis draft, due tomorrow night. Normally this is about the time that I'd mosey into the kitchen and open a bottle of wine, as a treat for getting this far in the day and an incentive to get through the remaining several hours of work I still have to do. I don't really want a drink, but I want *something.*\n\n I think I want to be distracted, or rewarded, or both, because I am incredibly stressed out. If it's not my new job, it's graduate school. And when it's not that, it's the paralyzing anxiety of buying my first house.  I am so incredibly grateful for where I'm at in life, but jeez, there's a lot going on right now. What is it about me that I always take on these big life changes or challenges all at once? What is it about this time of day that makes a drink sound so pleasant when I know damn well it's not going to fix anything? ", "answer": "There's no need to remove all your rewards at once. Maybe get something else you can sip on or take a bite of. Drinking a lot of water also reduces drinking impulses. Just because you decided to not drink today doesn't mean you should be just white knuckling it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4kx4ln", "comment_id": "d3iirw1"}, {"question": "Update from 2 years ago.", "description": "Currently 26 year-old female. \n\n2 years ago I posted in this group and some nice people responded. If anyone cares for an update!\n\nAfter my post I ended up going to the hospital where they admitted me as I went into septic shock. I was hospitalized for weeks. My lung had collapsed and I was on oxygen. After spending 10 months in and out of doctors offices I was diagnosed with lupus. For two years I have been bedridden. I was suppose to start law school that fall that I was diagnosed. I went from working 80 hours a week to not being able to sit up without pain. \n\nRight before this virus I was finally working again (only part time unfortunately), feeling a bit better, getting stronger, being able to exercise more etc. \nI hope I get through the next few months virus free so I can keep trying to get my life back. \n\nThanks so much for your help docs!", "answer": "Thank you for the update. As is always the case with medical updates, I'll lock it. Good luck to you in your recovery!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frmu50", "comment_id": "flx6ugm"}, {"question": "Hospital IV morphine and heart rate questions?", "description": "20, 130lbs, 5'8\" Male, white \n\nCurrent meds: Levothyroxine, past meds, Adderall \n\nA few weeks ago I had an appendectomy but when I was in the hospital and they gave me morphine in my arm, I instantly nodded out and was in and out of sleep but I kept waking up enough because the heart monitor would start beeping. My heart rate would be around 38-45 and it would instantly shoot up to 70-80 before I'd pass out again. I didn't like how the morphine made me feel but is there any possible reason or this completely normal? I know opiates tend to slow your heart rate but it seemed odd to me at the time.", "answer": "That's a low heart rate, but not unheard of during sleep, especially with an opioid. Your heart rate will also be lower generally, awake or asleep, if you're particularly fit \\(endurance athletes, for example\\). When you wake up your heart rate also increases normally, and if you wake up and feel worried about your heart it can definitely jump. What you describe sounds like a fairly normal situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ffbhw", "comment_id": "dy32x9d"}, {"question": "I really want to quit :(", "description": "I keep on choosing getting blackout drunk over doing anything else.\n\nIt'll be the evening.  I'll want to go running.  I'll want to workout.  I'll want to go to the bar or gym and try to flirt with girls.  I'll wish I was hanging out with my friends.  But I end up choosing drinking a shit load and passing out for 10 hours instead.  I blew off so many potentially fun invitations so I can get wasted by myself.  I've been really depressed lately...  bad breakup and it still kinda messes me up.  Sometimes if I'm really depressed I don't even wait until the evening.  The earliest so far has been 11 am.\n\nI want to change, but I don't know how :/  I want to be the person I used to be.  The charismatic, successful, interesting, handsome, strong guy with a nice body that did good things for other people.  Now I'm just a chubby guy with bags under his eyes that can only think of how much better I can be every time I talk to a woman.\n\nI saw a therapist a while ago for other issues, but she seemed interested in talking to me again about my habits.  At first I thought \"fuck you, I'm happy like this\".  Every day I realize more and more that I'm not.  I hope she can help me.  I guess I realize I have to help myself.  But every time I relive a painful memory, it seems like the only thing I can do is take another shot.\n\nI'm sorry.  I was just feeling really bad tonight and had to get this off my chest.  Tips or good links would be really appreciated.", "answer": "I read your story and the thing that keeps wrenching at my chest is that you're in this alone.  You absolutely can't do it alone.\n\nI know it smacks of cliche, but we absolutely need each other in times like this.  Even if you don't want to do AA right now...please understand that community/socialization/brotherhood/sisterhood/whateverhood is going to be the only way to change (and sustain it!) in the long run.\n\nIn the meantime, I would focus on being as honest with yourself and with your therapist as you possibly can.  She's not there to judge; you may in fact be judging yourself and she can help you recognize that and identify what you can do to give yourself some peace.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "1aduht", "comment_id": "c8wh0ie"}, {"question": "I'm going to fail out of community college.", "description": "Today was suppose to be an exam day. I couldn't bring myself to study even though I didn't forget. I'm skipping all my classes, I'm going to fail ever single one of them this time. This is the last time I can take my math course because you can't retake courses you fail three times. I just fucking suck at life. I don't have any excuse other than just being worthless. I thought I was going to get out of it this semester, but I failed. I've been seeing the school therapist, but I can't anymore because budget cuts. I really wanted to get better I really did. ", "answer": "Everyone's good at something. EVERYONE. What are YOU good at? So, school isn't your thing... It was a learning experience. I know it seems dark and the end of the world, but school really isn't the be all and end all of everything.  PLENTY of people achieve success in life without ever going to school, and you can too, I promise.  Also, there's no time limit on school... If you decide to do something else with your life -- like work with your hands? Work creatively? Become an entrepreneur?-- there's nothing in the world that says you can't go back to college in 5,10,20+ years if you want. You can achieve a lot, honest! ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1exvi8", "comment_id": "ca50874"}, {"question": "Help with a situation with my ex husband", "description": "I just found out My ex husbands girlfriend got my daughter a dress for her first homecoming dance and is doing her hair and make up, I feel lost, angry and hurt and completely taken out of the picture!!!!! What do I do and say?????", "answer": "talk to him and your daughter and explain it's your role", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybtla", "comment_id": "dmm74pq"}, {"question": "What is wrong with me", "description": "So I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, but i think I have something else too. I don't know if posting on here will actually help but having somewhere to record it would be nice, because due to these problems, i have a hard time relaying it back to my therapist.\n\nI act like someone I'm not, It's me but I'm lying about how I'm feeling or lying about what I think and acting like someone else but I don't even know I'm doing it. I say things just to make people happy and will genuinely believe what I'm saying, but I'll think back on it later and think \"Why the hell did I say that?\"\nI remember when I do it, clear as day, and I know it's me, but I'm always contradicting myself and changing myself and doing things just to get certain reactions and I don't even _know_ i'm doing it. It took someone telling me to finally figure it out.\n\nAnd when my therapist asks me what's wrong, I don't know what to say, because I genuinely believe nothing. But so many things are wrong, so many things happen, all the time, yet for some reason for that specific hour I'll believe that I'm fine and forget everything I was meaning to tell her.\n\nFeels like everything I do is to get a 'correct' response.\n\nWhat is this? Is it normal? Is it just social anxiety? I do it even when I'm not anxious, it's something I don't even notice I'm doing. I'll be completely fine, not tense, not anxious, but I'll act completely like someone else and have all of that \"person's\" intentions and interests. I don't even know which version is actually my default to be honest.", "answer": "Try jorunialjng when you're upset and bring it in to show your therapist next time. It's very common to lose track or not have things that have occurred fresh in your mind for therapy. There are also a lot of good mental health apps that could help slow you down and reduce some of what sounds like impulsivity in social interactions (which is very common with anxiety). ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "72xa3z", "comment_id": "dnm0i5v"}, {"question": "How do you stop obsessions?", "description": "I am currently in the middle of a 3 year obsession with psychology, personality disorders, narcissism/Psychopathy and personality theories like MBTI. It\u2019s all my brain thinks about. It is completely all consuming. \n\nMy brain will say things like you are a narcissist, have ADHD and are a psychopath. It will completely lose itself in self-diagnosis. It will be all I think about. I\u2019ll try to be assessing if the person I am talking to is a narcissist. Or analyse past behaviour to see signs of psychopathy or Narcissism or ADHD. I will constantly gaslight myself. Oh do I have it or not? It will be extremely difficult to pin it down. It will be constantly going off in my head. I will become suspicious of people. I will be watching movies and trying to assess if the main character is a narcissist. It will just not stop. I will be constantly analysing my past to see if I can fit any labels on it. I have seen multiple psychologists and they have all told me I don\u2019t have it. In short psychology is all I think about. I just want closure on what I have. I will see everything as a diagnosis. It will just not stop. I\u2019ll read articles on psychology. I\u2019ll watch videos of people who have my personality style to see if I can copy them to become successful. All I will talk about is Narcissism or ADHD. I\u2019ve spent 3 years down this rabbit hole waking up each day to think oh maybe I\u2019ll figure this out now. It will be very difficult. I speak to therapists and they all unanimously say that I\u2019m fooling myself. \n\nI can\u2019t stop diagnosing my family members and others. I will put labels on people. I will come up \nWith new ways of diagnosing myself daily. I will watch or read some articles and then regurgitate them to my therapist. I\u2019ll think I have finally solved the puzzle of my personality and it will just be disappointing. I can\u2019t control my brain. Originally I got into psychology to figure myself out and then pick a career on that. I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m stuck going around in circles. It is never ending. I cannot stop. Help.", "answer": "Lol I became a psychologist and channelled it. ;)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "i4pmh4", "comment_id": "g0zbinu"}, {"question": "Today I finally went to my school's therapist.", "description": "After so many years of self doubting, and my mom telling me it was a waste of time and money, that mental illnesses aren't real and that they're \"just a phase\", today I was able to go and talk to my school's therapist, thanks to a little push from my friends.\n\nI still feel as if I'm dreaming and this is all just my imagination, I never thought I would ever be able to talk to somebody about my issues, and I'm so glad I did.\n\nShe told me to go back next week, and that she wants us to work together in getting me better.\n\nI'm extremely excited! I finally did it!!! This is the first step on my journey to a healthier life!!!", "answer": "Also a therapist, and have been in therapy over the years myself. You can and will get better! You don\u2019t have to suffer. Doing my own therapy and having therapists who were dedicated to helping me is what inspired me to become a therapist and give back in a meaningful way.\n\nI wish you the best of luck! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atdqhj", "comment_id": "eh1ave5"}, {"question": "No booze is the foundation", "description": "Im physically fit. Im productive. MY sons love n respect me. I eat well. Im on point at work. I look at the world in a calm positive light. I handle challenges and set backs with matter of fact determination. I choose how i react. ALL of this was OUT OF REACH before i ditched booze. All of these improvements n upgrades in my life are constructed n predicated atop a foundation of NOT drinking. If i were to take a sip of the poison then my foundation would give way and all I've built/am building would come crashing down! Therefore IWNDWYT \ud83d\udc4a", "answer": "Amen, friend. 16mos sober and this was perfect for me right now. Thank you", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aqjo9m", "comment_id": "eggs7iq"}, {"question": "Do you think OCD patients are annoying? What's your general experience with them?", "description": "I was reading a study on therapists and OCD and a lot of them in the study thought so and reading that made me so paranoid bc I worry so much about that. I always feel like I'm annoying my therapist/ psychiatrist bc I'm always apologizing and needing reassurance and worrying I'm answering questions wrong.", "answer": "I would say the work can be challenging and perhaps there might be times therapists might feel annoyed because they\u2019re frustrated that they aren\u2019t feeling effective. I think it is more about the therapists\u2019 own feelings of being ineffective which is frustrating, not actually being annoyed with the client.  The OCD (as a separate from the person thing) is annoying as I would imagine it is for you as well when you\u2019re struggling with it, but you\u2019re not at all annoying as a person. Does that makes sense?  \n\nThe take away: \n\n1) it\u2019s not you it\u2019s them and their frustration\n\n2) The client isn\u2019t annoying and the OCD can be annoying for the client too", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "efroyl", "comment_id": "fc28skr"}, {"question": "Are therapists required to break confidentiality over abuse that happened 3 years ago? (I\u2019m a minor)", "description": "This may seem like a stupid question to ask, I know. I\u2019m 14 and I\u2019ve been through abuse when I was in middle school. (3 years ago) I\u2019ve never told anyone I personally know before, and don\u2019t want to tell my mom. If I were to tell a therapist about my history of abuse, by law, would they have to break confidentiality to my mom or anyone else? I\u2019m extremely paranoid about this and just want to know what\u2019ll happen beforehand so I can decide if I really do want to talk to a therapist about it. ", "answer": "Well, it depends a little bit on the definition of abuse in the state in which you live. Some states define child abuse only as being possible from someone expected to protect them. \n\n\nHowever, in general, the answer would be yes, if you are a minor and been abused the therapist would be required to report this.  It does not, however, have to be reported to your parent. But I would suggest generally that is probably a good idea. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6waor", "comment_id": "ebynl9a"}, {"question": "I'm [24/M] getting yelled at a lot by my girl [22/F] and it's starting to get to me...", "description": "I grew up in a house full of women. No male in the picture; dad left far before I was born. That being said I'm naturally used to being yelled at a lot for any of many reasons, but I figured moving out was probably one of the cut off points for that. Turns out I was wrong. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and aside from some light arguments things have been going very well. Lattely though things have been rough for us. We were victims of Hurricane Harvey and had to move up to PA where her parents live. I'm not really bothered by it at all and she doesn't seem to be but there was a small issue I had just before we left and it was that she'd overreact to small things and yell at me. Example; this morning we were going to a garage sale and she asked me to turn on the GPS, I said \"You need the GPS to get there? I don't think you have to make any turns until the very end it's a straight shot\" and in return she yells at me that she needs it because she could easily miss the turn and that I should stop \"yelling at her\" about it. Now one thing I should mention, I never yell. I've been yelled at too much and I hate loud noises so I don't raise my voice at all. We both agree on that but I'm told that the \"way I say it sounds like I'm scolding a child\". \n\nMy question is what should I do about this, how can I handle being yelled at all the time for small stuff like that without putting it to the back of my head and blowing up one day?", "answer": "frequent yelling is emotional abuse", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vgbz", "comment_id": "do1gm6w"}, {"question": "[16 MALE] Deeply impacted by an event that happened the previous day - PTSD?", "description": "Yesterday I was on a very casual cycle ride with two of my closest friends - we were simply headed to a nearby forest to chill and climb trees etc. When in the forest my friend's wheel flew off when cycling at a high speed and he was pulled at an incredible pace to the floor where he directly hit his mouth on the floor / rocks. This was the event but it's what happened next that I cannot forget.\n\nI saw him go down, look to my other friend and expect him to get up and laugh it off like usual - our group has never had a serious crash before. But instead I saw him screaming, rolling on his side with his face covered in blood and his disfigured mouth and lips. It was obvious that his mouth was filled with blood and that he lost numerous teeth and he kept on doing this awful wail. It was the first time I've seen an awful injury and the first time I've had to call an ambulance with my friend, flag down local walkers and get a Medkit for him. \n\nI felt completely helpless - I was knelt there in front of him with an open Medkit scrabbling around with no motives or anything. I didn't know how to help him especially as the injury was his mouth. Throughout the whole thing he was whimpering and wailing - I can still fucking hear it as I'm sat here typing it. He was in shock and that was possibly the biggest impact of all for me - a friend I've known since I was 10; and he didn't know the date, his location, what happened and kept on asking for his mum. It was the same face with 0 knowledge of anything, he might not have known who me and my friend were. \n\nSo far it's been a night since the event and I've been completely sleepless. I've been fading in and out of sleep but I get extremely vivid dreams of the event and reliving it, it fucking sucks. I was out having a curry with family and friends and I felt myself zoning out just staring at my food and thinking about what happened and reimagining it. I don't know if this is normal for a traumatic event like this, and especially how near the event was, but I really don't feel the same afterwards and have a awful feeling that I won't ever feel the same. Can I make myself go cycling or even return to the place - I dread it. I hate to think what my mate has to go through and the medical complications he will face.\n\nThank you for your time, and I would really appreciate some tips or advice.", "answer": "Acute stress reaction. Normal at present.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d2u7", "comment_id": "d81499o"}, {"question": "I've tried Effexor, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin with zero effect. Help.", "description": "I've taken each for at least 3 weeks with zero effect. The doc said I should feel something within 2 weeks. I feel like I'm beyond help at this point. I'm worried that I'll never be happy and I'm failing my wife and kids.\n\nHas anyone experience this? Is 2 weeks too short? I'm about to stop my wellbutrin - should I keep going? Feeling really stuck.", "answer": "2 weeks is too short to declare the medication ineffective. It can take up to 6-8 weeks to have any noticeable positive effect. But even if none of those medications work for you, there are SO many more. There are several other SSRIs (the class of medication that Effexor and Lexapro belong to). There are tetracyclics, tricyclics, and MAOIs--these are all types of antidepressants. And of course there's therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3uq89n", "comment_id": "cxh10mv"}, {"question": "how do i cope?", "description": "So the girl that I've liked for years and i finally got into a relationship and as quick as it started it was over and she ended up deciding she was a lesbian. It hurt alot, not sure how to cope with it and its got me feeling like shit. ", "answer": "That's sad. But she has to be true to herself, so you'll have to regroup and start dating again down the road. Don't take it personally; it has nothing to do with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e82s1", "comment_id": "di8avrr"}, {"question": "Why did he look embarrassed and walk away?", "description": "I was really good friends with this guy. We hung out a lot but never did anything sexual or anything like that. A couple months after meeting and hanging out with him I had won a disc golf tournament and he gave me a hug and then leaned in and kissed me for the first time. I looked at him shocked and covered my mouth. He started saying he was sorry and walked away embarrassed. I wasn't mad that he kissed me I was just shocked because I didn't expect it. What do you think I should have done?", "answer": "My guess is that he took that reaction as rejection and felt embarrassed for going about showing you how he felt in that way (which to be honest, is a bit of a creep move given you weren't flirting with him or giving him any signals this would be okay).\n\nIf you don't feel the same way than that was the perfect reaction albeit a reserved on.  You could have just been like \"whoah there buddy!  We're friends but I don't think of you that way.\"\n\nIf you are interested in him, still nothing wrong with what you did given his approach, just explain to him that you were surprised and in the future, you'd like for there to be some conversation around this sort of thing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f3c8do", "comment_id": "fhi0lrx"}, {"question": "DHEA/Testosterone levels", "description": "So my diagnosis a while back was in contention. One doctor diagnosed me because of elevated DHEA and minutely high A1c. My home GP disagreed because my testosterone levels weren't elevated at all - free, calcium bound, or total. Anyone else is a similar boat? Elevated DHEA but normal testosterone?", "answer": "Yep, I have elevated DHEA-S but normal testosterone (free and total), and a PCOS diagnosis. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "424877", "comment_id": "cz8i6zz"}, {"question": "Following this sub with years, finally got the motivation to see a psychiatrist.", "description": "The way that guy spoke to me was the most dignified talk I've had about my ADD in my life. Between friends and family making fun of me, to my old pediatric md claiming I just wanted adderall, I felt like I was definitely mentally off, yet still a human being\n\nGot prescribed adderall XR, gonna see how work goes tomorrow (am an RN, you can see how hard my day to day is), but I feel everything might just be, for once, ok", "answer": "Congratulations! I know that feeling to finally have someone really listen to you and get I right. Same thing happened to me this year and it has changed my life. I am excited for you!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4zvixw", "comment_id": "d6z8u2k"}, {"question": "Why are people so mean?", "description": "I made just one post on a subreddit about how I missed the old ways of a game I play. I was given comments of \"this is spam\", \"nobody cares\", and even people asking me why I'm so desperate for karma. I'm hurt by these people. Not even one person left anything nice to say, I even defended myself, so I hit them back, my post got removed for \"harrassment\". I see all these great people on reddit, with wonderful ideas, that even I have myself. Why is it when I try to contribute, that I'm the bad guy? Most importantly, how do I deal with rejection from the reddit community?", "answer": "Contribute more positive things. \n\nComplaining about things is easy, so a lot of people do it, but it rarely contributes anything good or useful. \n\nFor some reason, on the internet, there's a perception among some that if you genuinely enjoy something, it renders you vulnerable. That it's \"smarter\" or somehow better to hate on things because that elevates you above those things. Maybe it gives some insecure people a sense of control, I don't know. \n\nHeck, I wish I knew why there is so much negativity on the internet. I suspect it has to do with real-world frustrations boiling over and people are looking for an outlet. unfortunately many lack the perspective to realize that a year, a month, even a day from now their complaints will not matter; the only thing it did was make the internet a slightly more unpleasant place. \n\nPositive contributions on the other hand, those DO matter. Imagine holding a conversation with someone else who enjoys the things you enjoy, and you can talk about how much joy those things brought you - this brings even more joy into the world as you recall it. \n\nI'm sorry you got a negative reaction. Please don't stop bringing positive things to the conversation. The world sorely needs that.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8kg2y", "comment_id": "esoi2v8"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It\u2019s pretty much guaranteed your parents play a role in developing those patterns. Of course there also tends to be a certain disposition.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a019y6", "comment_id": "eadsmdr"}, {"question": "I am looking for some good DBT sheets for Anger and over sensitivity.", "description": "I am getting some therapy for my anxiety issues. My therapist gave me some sheets for anxiety. The problem is that those sheets dont fit into my other issues: Anger and oversensitivty. She said she wants to focus all her efforts in the upcoming sessions to Anxiety. And then somewhere down the line we can look at other issues.\n\nI was thinking in the meantime I can try to manage these issues by myself because I need some way to cope.\n\n1. Anger: I get very angry very quickly. It raises my blood pressure and its pretty explosive. It can be based on something that happened in the past or something in the present(someone treats me badly, someone doesnt listen to me, someone is disrespectful etc.)\n\n2. Sensitivty: I am very sensitive and get hurt really easily. If something racist happens or even if someone is mean to me on reddit I feel bad for several hours. If a racist incident happens I feel bad for several days afterwards. A few weeks ago I overheard someone say that I look disgusting and probably smell like curry.\n\nI searched online and saw there were several sheets for each issues. I was wondering if someone with similar issues could guide me to some good sheets for these issues.", "answer": "Assertiveness skills such as those provided by centre for clinical interventions ( free resources), may help you to communicate through angry feelings in an assertive way.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "i43mhj", "comment_id": "g0jnlor"}, {"question": "Where to go for a therapist referral", "description": "I have basic health care and need to see a therapist for depression and anxiety do I go to my gm and ask for a referral or is mental health a separate case?", "answer": "It all depends on what insurance you have.  For most commercial insurance plans in the United States, you don't need a referral to see a therapist.  You can either contact your insurance member services (usually a number on the back of your card) to find therapists in your area covered by your insurance, or you can go to psychologytoday.com and search for therapists in your area that take your insurance.  If you provide them with your insurance information over the phone, they should be able to let you know if they take it and/or if you need a referral.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "duvs2d", "comment_id": "f7cet24"}, {"question": "Small button on leg that has been here for 2 months", "description": "hello i am a 14 year old male and i had a red button on my left leg for about 2 months i think, and im not sure if its normal because it wouldn't stay that long and im getting concerned, can you guys help me", "answer": "You have not given us a picture or enough description to be helpful.\n\nPlease reread rule #1 on what is required for a sufficient submission, but in this case a full description of whatever is on your leg is the only way we can have any idea what is going on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e0hnvl", "comment_id": "f8e8bxz"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to be psychologically evaluated today, what\u2019s going to happen to me?", "description": "I\u2019m freaking out and I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going to happen, am I going to be hospitalized? Can I go back to school? I\u2019m so scared", "answer": "It depends much on the reason for the evaluation. The professional will likely start there and ask you about it.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b46bru", "comment_id": "ej4ghys"}, {"question": "How to I fit in better at work?", "description": "I just started at this office job. Most of the team are young, athletic fratty guys who joke with each other a lot. There's one middle-aged lady. I grew up a loner and never really hung out with guys. I've never been good at sports, I'm not very witty, and I don't know how to fit into the team. I feel like I just do my work and stand off to the side.\n\nIf there's like a manual on how to be a guy, I'd LOVE to have it", "answer": "I'm a firm believer that if you talk to people and get to know them, you can find that you have at least one thing in common with anyone.  Figure out what you have in common with your colleagues and talk about that.  \n\n\nAlso, if you've never really been into sports, give it a shot.  You might actually enjoy watching a particular sport or following a team.  If you like video games, try out a few sports games.  It's a great way to get to learn the rules of a sport and some of the basics while also doing something you enjoy.\n\n\nFor instance, growing up hockey was my favorite sport.  I played it, watched it, obsessed over it.  Today, football is probably my favorite sport.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that my freshman year college roommate who essentially became one of my best lifelong friends and I used to play Madden ALL THE TIME our freshman year.  It taught me a lot about the intricacies of the sport and watching it became a hell of a lot more exciting.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "900rym", "comment_id": "e2nugta"}, {"question": "I need some help on what I should do now.", "description": "I'm (20/M) and I like this girl (21/F) a lot. Basically, I've known her since my first year in college and we only got closer as friends last year, However, we've gotten VERY close. She considers me her best guy friend by a mile.\n\nShe's intelligent, beautiful and has a dynamic personality. I really can't stop thinking about her each and every day, and I would consider myself humbled to be with a girl like her. I always find myself blushing and trying not to smile when I'm around her, and I sound like an idiot sometimes because the words don't come out right, and I consider myself as articulate as they come. She's had relationship issues in the past, and her trust in guys has been wavering because of her experience, but she seems to be genuinely comfortable and happy when I'm around her, and I feel the same, perhaps to a greater extent. I haven't been in a relationship or so much as kissed someone lol.\n\nMy problem is that I want to tell her my true feelings about her (and I'd be completely okay if we remained close friends), but I don't want to run the risk of making things awkward between us if she doesn't feel the same way. She is truly my best friend, and if things were to change for the worse by doing so, then the only person I know who feels comfortable with me in her room, texts me consistently and can talk about anything could change, and I want to avoid that scenario by all means.\n\nShe hasn't told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and a part of me would like to think she secretly feels the same way about me, but she's hard to read sometimes. So I ask what my best move should be? We are clearly comfortable with each other, and I don't want to run the risk of losing her to someone else if she was waiting for me to make a move.  I also don't want to ruin the current relationship I have now. Thanks for any advice you can give!", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel and hope you're both mature enough to remain best friends if she doesn't feel the same way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64al4d", "comment_id": "dg0mw5o"}, {"question": "Junkie Grants?", "description": "I'm 23, been in recovery for over a year, and I am desperately ready to get back in school. I graduated high school with a 4.0 in 2008 and I've since been to a university, (some credits, some failed classes) a community college (two credits) and a technical college (no credits). I don't know if any of that really matters in this case. \n\nAs a dumb junkie, I let two loans fall into default and now I'm trying to pay them off. Actually, I'm paying the minimum oh both of them, but I think that counts for something. \n\nAnyway, I'm working two waitressing jobs and struggling to pay my bills. I said all this to ask if any of you have any information about this fabled \"junkie grant\" or any kind of financial assistance for people in recovery. (i did go to rehab) \n\nSorry if this post sounds disjointed and rambley. I'm on my phone in a mostly empty restaurant wishing I had a college education since nobody seems to be hungry today.\n\nEdit: I'm in southern Louisiana if that narrows anything down. ", "answer": "Look into collegiate recovery communities. I'm currently enrolled in one and I was given a scholarship and in-state tuition. It's been an incredible experience thus far.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1lhl5v", "comment_id": "cbzdim7"}, {"question": "[24/f] My boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. He is just plain lazy and when I confront him about it he says that 'I should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.\n\n He doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if I remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. He always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). He doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. He criticizes my apperance (I'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks I should 'get one for him'. He often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all I ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. He lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and I think this is where our relationship started to worsen. And while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, I can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust I have. He doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.\n\nAnother thing is sex. He has good days but mostly sex looks like this - I give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and I always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. He gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. Even when I ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as I'm insecure about my body and sometimes I just feel like he thinks I'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but I already did that to you, c'mon'. Of course usually he comes and I don't. He often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens.\nI'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.\n\nIn everyday life he is fun to be with, I'm never bored and I love him, but then I feel like I am the glue of this relationship. He is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. And of course gets upset when I refuse.\n\nI'm starting to feel very bad about myself because I am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet I let this guy turn me into someone I'm not. I don't feel like his partner, I feel like his puppet. I confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and I don't know what else to do. I am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so I'm asking you guys for possible solutions.\n\nI'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "dkymyd6"}, {"question": "How do I get through small talk?", "description": "I think the biggest problem I have is that I generally find small talk really boring and it is painful to do because it feels so in-genuine - I feel like I'm not being myself.  I also realized I'm selfish in that I don't know how to talk about things that don't interest me or relate to me. \n\nHow do I get around this?  I'm fine talking to people, not too nervous once I do it, I just don't have any inclination to continue if I feel the conversation is boring - thus I stare off awkwardly and avoid people.", "answer": "Try going beyond small talk and really getting to [know someone's story](http://donmilleris.com/2010/05/17/want-to-get-to-know-somebody-understand-their-story/). I think that will lead to more interesting conversations and deeper relationships to boot.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "thq05", "comment_id": "c4mt7hp"}, {"question": "Is it okay for me [20M] to lie to the girl [26F] I've been seeing for around 5 months about certain things she is sensitive about?", "description": "So the girl I've been seeing for around 5 months now has insecurities about a bunch of things, her weight, appearance in general, and 'being annoying'. I understand people have insecurities, but I feel like I can't be honest with her about these things in order to avoid hurting her feelings, and I'm not sure if this is okay.\n\nFor example, she has asked me \"do I talk too much?\" and when I responded with something like \"I feel like sometimes you get side tracked in your stories and it gets a bit long.\" She got very upset. \n\nShe has also asked me if I would prefer her if she was skinny (she is over weight), I responded stupidly by saying that 'she wasn't my ideal weight'. She instantly cried and the next day was super depressed (not sure if related or not but I think so). The only reason I said this is because she said she wouldn't date fat people, so I thought that it would be okay for me to say I prefer skinny people as well... I like her for other reasons other than her weight, like we share a lot of interests, and if we are talking physically, I think she has a gorgeous face. I don't mind her weight, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be more attracted to her if she was skinny. \n\n\nI've brought this up with her and she says that she doesn't want me to feel like I have to walk on egg shells, but she would appreciate if I was sensitive to her insecurities. I think it's good to be sensitive to peoples insecurities, but it feels weird to lie. Today she asked me if she thinks that she over eats and I just said no (which is a lie). She doesn't eat a lot, but I think for her height she could stand to eat a bit less. I know she really wants to lose weight so it feels weird lying to her about that, I'm actually steering her away from her goal.\n\ntl;dr is it okay to lie to a partner in order to avoid hurting their feelings about their insecurities? how much is okay if so? is this bad for a relationship? \n", "answer": "hard to walk on eggshells long term. if she asks, she has to own up to your answer.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x4agr", "comment_id": "dmczqo2"}, {"question": "Need some advice on how to get out of bed in the morning.", "description": "Hey all.  So I'm at a low point in my life right now for a few reasons, not all of which are in my control.  I've been pretty good this past month about getting on with things, but there's one thing that I can't really seem to shake.  \n\nI find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning.  I currently spend about 12 hours a day in bed on average.  When I'm just awake and groggy, it just seems to be impossible to convince myself that getting up is going to improve my day in any way.  I think it is really negatively affecting my life right now.\n\nAs background, I'm a grad student, and I don't really have any responsibilities in the mornings.  I have tried many things, hiding my alarm, arranging to meet people at the gym, but so far nothing has worked.  Even if I get out of bed, I inevitably meander back, generally the temptation to go back to a carefree dreamlike state is overwhelming.\n\nI understand that I need to work on fixing the underlying causes for why I don't enjoy being awake so much, and I am trying.  But until I can, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forcing yourself out of bed.", "answer": "Have you gone into your mind and reset your mental alarm clock? What does your alarm clock look like? How is it reset? How does it wake you? When would you like it to wake you? Try it!", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "so05f", "comment_id": "c4ftcbx"}, {"question": "Has anyone experienced worsened acne/skin issues as a result of weight loss?", "description": "Please note: I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS but I'm about 90% sure I have it. I've always had irregular periods, excess facial hair, and acne consistent with hormonal acne. But I have an appt with an endocrinologist scheduled at the end of this month to get this shit sorted out once and for all. \n\nAlright so I've always been overweight but in my junior year of college, I gained a ridiculous amount of weight. At my heaviest, I was 250 lbs. I felt like absolute shit so I started limiting my caloric intake. I still ate terribly but just significantly less. Over the course of a year, I got my weight down to about 195. I stalled at this weight for a while and then I started experiencing all kinds of weird skin issues I've never dealt with before. I've had seborrheic dermatitis my whole life but it has always been isolated to scalp. A few months ago, it randomly spread into my ears, around my ears, on my hairline and around my eyebrows. Around the same time, I got a rash on my upper chest. Then these weird scaly brown spots appeared under my left armpit a few weeks later (these last two could be seborrheic dermatitis as well but my doc insisted the rash was a separate fungal infection...even though it sort of cleared up on its own). I've also seen worsening of body acne. I'm getting acne in places I've never had before. I had a couple pimples *under* my breasts...that's never happened before. I also developed these weird persistent red lines under my breasts. A few months ago I had a weird bump on my mons pubis. It eventually sort of popped and now I have a couple blackheads in that area. Wat. Yesterday a red bump appeared in roughly the same area. It kinda diminished today but again...wat.\n\nI've started eating better since the SD flareup. I'm doing paleo right now because I don't think I can handle how carb-restrictive keto is. I try to limit my sugar intake as best as I can; the majority of my sugar comes from fruits.\n\nSome of the issues seem to have resolved or are getting better. My facial seb derm is pretty much gone. It's still a bit visible in my ears but nowhere near as bad as it was. The brown spots under my pits (whatever the hell they are) also seem to be getting lighter. I'm down to about 178 lbs now but still it feels like everyday I'm waking up with some new skin problem. It's just like \"ooooh let's see what my body conjured up today.\" It's like a terrible game of Whac-A-Mole. You get rid of one problem only to see another two pop up in its place. Bleh this sucks.\n\nOne weird thing is that my periods seem to be getting more normal. Typically I have about 3-4 a year but I've definitely had more than that so far this year. You would think that means my hormone levels are normalizing and yet the rest of my body indicates otherwise.\n\nDon't worry, I have a physical exam scheduled with my doc (next month though ;_;) to get this all worked out but just wondering if any of you have experienced something similar. So sorry for the wall of text but thank you for reading!!\n", "answer": "Hmm. There was this brief period of time when I lost a bit of weight and my acne got way worse. This might have been because I was living abroad, though, and my diet was different as well. Not sure. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3nsn4v", "comment_id": "cvr080w"}, {"question": "Phone call anxiety?", "description": "I hate (Hate) talking on the phone or video chatting. Im not sure why though, can't seem to get over it, and it's gotten to the point where ive lost jobs, partners, and trust over it. Talking on the phone or over Skype just makes me nauseous  and sends me into panic mode. \n\nIs there anything i can do?", "answer": "I think most ppl don\u2019t actually like it. Exposure is the only to combat this. Get to a good psychologist.", "topic": "Anxietyhelp", "post_id": "eh7ydt", "comment_id": "fcgjl1j"}, {"question": "R/anxiety have you ever had Mono? Do you believe it's related?", "description": "I'm 25 I had mono this past November-January. I feel like I never fully got better. I'm overly aware of myself and have been having frequent panic attacks. I don't ever remember feeling this way prior to having mono.\nI went back to the md who dx me with mono during an attack he said it was allergies and gave me Xanax.5 I was taking them daily. I found a new physician who wants me off the meds and recommends tapering down to .25 and then to as needed. \nAnyone else with similar experience? ", "answer": "Psych counselor here: It is doubtful that mono is directly related with anxiety. However, excessive anxiety releases the stress hormone cortisol, which suppresses the immune system- making it easier for you to get sick.\n\nAs for Xanax- be very careful with that. It is intended for a few weeks MAX. Longer than that and you risk both brain damage and dependence. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "tq56t", "comment_id": "c4pnupx"}, {"question": "Concerned/Scared about syphilis test results", "description": "Age - 34\nSex - M\nHeight - 5.6\nWeight -260\nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - Current\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - N/A\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - hypertension\nCurrent medications (if any) - Levothyroxine, Lisinopril, Amoldepine, Zoloft, Omeprazol\n\nCurrent information - I have taken two syphilis tests - RPR and FTA-ABS.  The results:\nRPR - Non Reactive\nFTA-ABS - REACTIVE MINIMAL (Equivocal) \nI do not have any current (known) symptoms, nor have I ever noticed a primary sore or secondary rash.\n\nBackground - Several years ago, my wife was having an affair, which led to our divorce. During this time, she was with at least two men that I have been made aware of, but maybe more. I was faithful during the marriage, with the only stupid thing being done following the fallout - this event was with some acquaintances drinking, and during the course of the night, gave oral sex to one of the guys (I understand disease has no time limit, but it was all of about 10 seconds). I was revolted and did not continue it, and left after the incident. I have not otherwise had any sexual contact in 3 years with anyone.\n\nIn the time following the divorce and this event however, I have been wracked with guilt and worry, afraid my 10 seconds of stupidity has cost me, or my ex wife has given me something. Through various other reasons for testing, I have already ruled out HIV (oral swab), Hep (gastro gave me a full panel), and Gonorrhea, Trich, and Chlamydia. However, this past week, it finally got to me that I have never been tested for Syphilis, and so went online and had both the RPR test and FTA-ABS ordered.\n\nThe labs were professionally drawn at LabCorp, with the results noted above.\n\nThe Worry:\nAs my name might imply, I deal with SEVERE, crippling health anxiety, and am prone to doing too much reading and research.  As such, when the results came back, it has driven me into a panic, since I have read that a negative RPR can happen in late stage/tertiary, making me worry that I am now beyond hope (aka, doomed to have degenerative dementia, etc). I am trying to follow up my GP, or ideally an Infectious medicine specialist, but I would appreciate any sanity I can get for now.  Is the FTA test one that can be prone to a false positive? \n\n\nIts also worth noting - I am penicillin allergic, so even the traditional course of treatment could be a problem.  I can tolerate doxycycline, as I did a 7 day course 5 months ago following a minor (skin) procedure.  \n\n\n", "answer": "Tertiary syphilis is treatable; neurological damage that has been done is irreversible. It doesn't sound like you have any symptoms, so even if you did have tertiary syphilis it could be fixed with no harm done.\n\nBut while tertiary syphilis may have a negative RPR, it's unlikely to have a negative or equivocal FTA-ABS. I believe in the absence of symptoms a negative RPR and an equivocal FTA is usually considered a negative, but you could always recheck it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aax4kl", "comment_id": "ecvuaih"}, {"question": "PLEASE help interpret results, Lumbar puncture to check for MS. I do not get to see my doctor for 3 weeks and its driving me crazy.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Test results cannot be interpreted in the absence of any history. Please post the required information, including:\n\nDuration of complaint, location on body, any diagnosed medical issues, current medications and doses, any recreational drugs\n\nIn particular, we need to know why MS is on the list of things to be tested for and if you have had any other testing done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b31ftp", "comment_id": "eiwgw45"}, {"question": "Sister (11) suffered something traumatic and hasn't communicated verbally in over a week. Is there anything I (24, sister) can do for her?", "description": "Last week she suffered a very bizarre experience. We were shopping in a grocery store. I was putting things into the trunk of the car when she crossed the street to buy ice cream in front of the grocery store.\n\nOut of f** nowhere came two dudes with helmets in a motorcycle who grabbed her and cut a big chunk of her hair with scissors, then drove off into seemingly thin air. Police was called, she cried for like an hour, and it was all around horrible. That's the summarized version.\n\nEveryone is utterly WTF'd about what happened and just feel extremely vulnerable and confused. I mean, they could have just as easily *kidnapped* in the same amount of time/situation.\n\nMy little sis has not uttered a single word since last week. She nods and denies with her head but doesn't speak sentences and doesn't text anyone.\n\nShe has Asperger's syndrome, she is extremely shy and sometimes withdraws too much socially, but she does speak normally in the presence of people she feels safe with and she has received counselling in the past, particularly in kindergarten and the first grades.\n\nShe's seemingly not scared to go out of the house because we have gone out with her a few times ever since, and she doesn't seem particularly anxious about anything but she's not speaking it's kinda driving my parents and I insane with worries.\n\nMy parents tried setting up therapy sessions in one (or I think several) health centers where they have insurance coverage. However, the health care options aren't available right now due to the quarantine still being partially active where we live.\n\nIs there anything *I* can do to help her sort of find her voice again? Is there anything in particualr *we* should be doing to help her?\n\nQuick edit: She's very high-functioning and at least averagely intelligent. She did have some considerable difficulties with reading and writing but with therapy and help from us she overcame this relatively quickly.", "answer": "Watch some cartoons with her.  Chill, let her feel how she wants.  Just be around, no verbal communication necessary.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "gxc5q8", "comment_id": "ft1ojr4"}, {"question": "Friend [F/23] and I [M/24] been fighting on and off. Does no contact really ever work?", "description": "Hi.\n\nI'll describe what has been happening the last 6 months below. We've been friends for ~2 years now and we had a great run up to now. We said that there was going to be no contact, and that eventually.. We'll see each other again and see how things will be. But does that really ever work?\n\n\n\nFor the past 2 months my best friend and I have been having fights on and off, always regarding the same subject; Our relationship.\n\nWe have always had this bizarre connection, I've seriously never ever connected with someone in a way as I have with her and I'm a very social person. I have many friends, but what she and I have (had by now I guess) was like nothing else. I'm not sure how to describe it properly.. We missed each other, we couldn't go a day without talking to each other, told each other we loved each other and so on. It was almost as if we were engaged in a romantic relationship, except we weren't. \n\nWhen I met her I had a girlfriend (broke up ~8 months ago, kind of starting to realise now it was because of her) and she's got a boyfriend. Regardless, our bond kept getting stronger. At one point she invited me over to see her new place (she moved in with her boyfriend) and I figured we'd just do dinner and watch some TV. Chat a bit as per usual, but no. We ended up having sex for the first time.\n\nSex started to become a regular thing, and along with that her behavior changed. She started being really jealous of other girls whom I'd speak to, she seemed to get more dependent because she was constantly afraid to lose me. \n\nEventhough some of these things (+ things that have happened up to this point + the things she's told me about her past, which trust me, is a lot of baggage.) were red flags, I developed feelings for her and fell in love with her. I should have never allowed this to happen, because due to the signals she was sending me, I was convinced she developed feelings for me too. That's when the first minor fights started taking place.. I was convinced that her current relationship probably wasn't as healthy as she wants the world to think, otherwise you wouldn't tell someone who isn't your boyfriend that you miss him, love him. Let alone, sleep with someone who isn't your boyfriend and instead of preventing that from happening again let it happen over and over again.\n\nThe first big fight ensued when she told me about getting a mortgage **with** her boyfriend. Not smart if you ask me, so that's what I told her and with that the reason why I think it's not smart. Not so strange that I have my concerns, it could get her in a lot of trouble in the long run. This is something she obviously didn't want to hear. Nasty things were said, I listed all the things that have been said/happened and with that I called her relationship a joke and said that getting a mortgage seems like desperate attempt to salvage it. \n\nHer explaination for her behavior is that because of our very very special bond, that the lines between a \"friendship\" and a \"romantic relationship\" were sometimes vague and thus nonexistent. This confused her at times, which is why she slept with me. There is no spark, and so there are no romantic feelings and I'll never have a chance with her (her words). Just \"very good friend\" feelings (Hurray friendzone). Sure, she did things she shouldn't have done and sure there are things in her relationship she's not content with, but these were just things she has to work on with her boyfriend. It doesn't mean that her relationship is unhealthy or that she's unhappy. To this she also added that some of it can't be explained, her words were that she isn't sure what it is that I offer her, but apparently it's a void no one else fills properly/no one else ever filled up. How messed up is that? That I, not her boyfriend, offer her something no one else has ever been able to give her?\n\nI'm not sure what to do with all of this information, but I don't believe her. Don't ge me wrong, I want to believe her. It's just that I simply can't, too much has happened and thus we are now on no speaking terms. We said that we will speak again in time, to have everything calm down. Try and push a reset button if you will.. But does such a thing really ever work? I'm just scared everything will be forgotten. Life goes on as it does. That she'll replace me with someone else to \"fill that void no one else could fill\". \n\n\n\nDoes this \"taking space and not speaking\" thing ever really work? How do I know the time is right to speak to each other, what if she suggests meeting up and I'm not ready yet? Can we ever repair the amazing friendship we've persued for so long?\n\nTLDR; - Because of mixed signals my friend sent out, I fell in love with her. It's become a complex story but now we're not talking to each other anymore.", "answer": "when taking a break, always DEFINE what the break means. are we going to date others? are we going to talk? how much talking? etc etc\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ulqrs", "comment_id": "ddv3z6z"}, {"question": "I started my Kickboxing training yesterday. Need some advice, reddit.", "description": "I'm 22. Skinny. I was fucking exhausted through half the warm-up. The rest of it also went terribly.My brain agreed when it was told an exercise to do, but my body couldn't take it.By the time I was to fight one of the other students, I was so fucked up, I blacked out twice in the fight, and ended up with an aching jaw and lips cut in a few places, and puked..\nNow, I really want to continue this training, but I feel my body needs to be developed as the training goes. My trainer hasn't suggested me a diet or anything yet, since it was trial class.\nSo reddit, \nWhat is the ideal diet for a kickboxing beginner?\nWhat fruits, pulses and vegetables would be beneficial?", "answer": "Why were you sparring on your first day? Couldn't they tell that you were both exhausted and untrained when they put you in front of another student? This sounds shoddy and dangerous.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23no0u", "comment_id": "cgyscrg"}, {"question": "What is your Adderall IR Routine? I'm recently back on it, and was given a weird dose by doctor.", "description": "So, I have medicaid and can only go to the mental health clinic where they're just overtaxed. The doctor prescribed me 20mg 2x a day, which seems like an overkill starter dose to me. I took 5mg 2x a day at one point. My doctor doesn't have the time to talk to me for 30 minutes about dosages, but I'm very appreciative that he gave me enough of a dose that I will be able to find what works for me.  \n\nMy problem last time was that 5mg seemed to stop being effective after 3 weeks or so. The provider I was seeing at the time wasn't comfortable playing with dosages, so I just quit taking the drug. \n\nI started with 5mg again this time, with some positive results. I take it usually every 5 hours. I initially stuck to 2 dosages a day, but I'm now seeing the benefit of 3 dosages a day. There doesn't seem to be much of a downside to this, unless you really get the full 6+ hours from IR, then it might affect sleep. I was listening to a podcast* by a psychiatrist who runs an ADHD clinic and he said that even XR users would benefit from one IR dosage after the XR is done working.\n\nJust curious how other people are taking this drug. Today I took 5mg, 5mg, and now I'm talking a 10mg dose to experiment with. I tried one before and had issues, but I was stupid and drank like 2 coffees during the dosage. I actually wanted to try 7.5mg, but splitting a 20mg pill into an 8th is just too imprecise, even a 4th is pushing it.\n\n* https://www.additudemag.com/podcast-use-adjust-stimulants-william-dodson/  \n\nPodcast I referenced, that I found very helpful and informative in it's talks about optimal dosing. ", "answer": "I started on 5mg in the morning then 2.5 at lunch then 2.5 im early avo. That became ineffective really quick so I increased. \n\nBefore I last saw my psych I was having 5mg 4 times a day. He recommended I try the full 10mg twice a day. Essentially, when your liver has more to process it does it slower and the effects last a little longer. This was great advice. I went away trying 10mg morning and lunch and it worked great.\n\nIt started to not be quite enough though, similar to previously. So now taking 20mg in morning and 10mg around 11-12 which is enough as long as I don't have to be productive after 4pm. Tuesday's I have a lecture 5-8pm so I take a half at around 4. \n\nI have had to give up coffee. For me personally (emphasise this) 20mg twice a day is too much even now, 7 weeks in. But my psychiatrist prescribe me 20mg a day from the start. It may be that your psychiatrist has given you a maximum and not put it in so many words? My psych said have a script for two a day but that's not what I expect you to take, it's a max and just try everything for now.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22el5", "comment_id": "eiq3jge"}, {"question": "Wow totally forgot I had concert tickets tonight", "description": "And I really wanted to go to this show :/ \n\nThanks ADHD, you\u2019re always here to waste my time and money ", "answer": "I thought I had weeks to plan for a babysitter. Turns out the concert is in three days so I've had to rush it which wasn't my plan.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akktk4", "comment_id": "ef62h2y"}, {"question": "I can\u2019t donate blood again, because I am O- and I received a shot for my baby being O+. Why is that?", "description": "30, female. I was told I couldn\u2019t never donate again, despite having O- blood, because I received a shot for my baby being O+. Never can donate again.  \n\nWhy is this?", "answer": "I'm not a blood banker, but I've never heard of that restriction. Where did you hear it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "clrzgb", "comment_id": "evxg5gv"}, {"question": "Constant Brain Fog", "description": "Male/ 20/ 240lbs/ 1200mg Sodium Valproate (5 months)/ 10mg Abilify (3 weeks)/ 150mg Levothyroxine (1 year, stable level)\n\nHi, I'm experiencing brain fog which just will not go away and it's making it really difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. I think I've had it for the past 5 years. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/Depression, Bulimia, OCD, and Anxiety, but despite the medications I've been on the fog won't go away. I also suffer from: muscle/head aches, fatigue, restless sleep (which makes even minor exercise incredibly difficult). \n\nI don't know what to do at this point. Is it possible this brain fog is due to a health problem, rather than mental?  ", "answer": "Valproate and Abilify can both be sedating. In addition, valproate can raise your ammonia level, which can make you fatigued and confused and out of it. Has your ammonia level been checked? For that matter, has your valproate level been checked? And are these meds helping any of your symptoms if not the fog?\n\nIt's always possible that your problems are \"organic\" rather than mental, as the jargon goes. Is your TSH normal? If it's on the high end of normal it might be worth trying an increase in levothyroxine. And then the usual suspects: anemia, B12 deficiency, and maybe rheumatoid labs if aches and fatigue fit the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ac07y", "comment_id": "dwxr0d6"}, {"question": "Help [27f] living with an almost-cheater [26m]!", "description": "Hi all,\nMy SO and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. \n\n6 months ago we moved to a new city together and it has been absolutely amazing. We spend every day together and love each other very much.\n\n Since we have started dating, I have known he has a problem with drinking. As he says, he has trouble stopping once he starts. I also like drinking, so it's hard because he has a different experience with alcohol than I do. \n\nMost of the time when we go drinking out it's okay, but once in a while he crosses a line and gets...weird. Not physical or abusive, but just out of his mind. He doesn't know how to speak, loses his motor abilities, dead eyes, etc. Again, it's not every time he drinks.\n\nLast weekend we went out to a bar for a friend's birthday. It didn't seem like he was drinking that much but before I knew what was happening he was *dark* drunk. He insisted we go to another bar near our house and I went for one drink but got annoyed because he wasn't making sense verbally / could barely sit on his barstool. I know it was not nice of me to desert him in that state, but i said \"fuck it\" and went home to sleep around 1am.\n\nAround 5am, he comes in and gets in bed, completely incoherent. I ask him where he was and he just seemed totally out of it. We went to sleep. The next morning, I looked at his phone and he had a new facebook friend, a girl he met at the bar. \n\nShe had FB messaged him saying she could see him outside the bar from her window and told him to get home safe. He asks her \"why she didn't go home with him\" and she says \"you were being weird and drunk, and you have a girlfriend\" to which he says \"great point.\" They end the conversation with him saying \"you're gorgeous and I tried\" and he had typed a message about how he was going to \"make her cum\" but hadn't sent it. \n\nHe has always been such a respectful guy and I was completely caught off guard by these messages (which I read the morning of Valentine's Day, ugh).\n\nHe didn't remember the girl or the messages and was completely humiliated / furious at himself. I broke up with him and asked him to stay with friends, and he has been completely understanding.\n\nWe were going to re-sign our lease this month and I was so happy at the thought of living with him for another year. Our relationship has been amazing, and both of us thought we would be together forever. I don't want to regret losing our apartment and life in this new city. Am I being too harsh by ending things? I'm so afraid of this happening again and I feel like I can't stay with him and keep my dignity intact.\n\nTL;DR: blackout drunk boyfriend of 2yrs. almost goes home with a random bar babe. We moved to a new city together and I need to decide whether to cut-and-run or try and rebuild.\n\nEDIT: Forgot to mention, he talked to the girl the next day to verify that nothing physical happened, and then told her they shouldn't speak again.", "answer": "If you can't keep your dignity, then I wouldn't stay.  I'm sure he is a good guy when sober and probably wouldn't hit on other chicks.  But when he's that sloshed, he has no semblance of judgment.  It might depend on how often this black-out thing happens... But if you've ultimately lost respect, it will probably be an uphill battle to keep the relationship going.    ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2wlbhi", "comment_id": "corwkeu"}, {"question": "Introduction. 10-30 drinks a day for the last two years. Day eight.", "description": "\"I don't know how to tell my parents that I'm dating an alcoholic college dropout.\"\n\nHearing that from my girlfriend really pushed me. I haven't been sober for this long in months, and it's starting to feel pretty good.\n\nI almost drank tonight. I drove to the liquor store, parked there, but got out and went into the store next to it and bought some candy and some more sparkling water.\n\nPriorities are to stay sober and get myself together. Going back to college in the fall!", "answer": "Nice! I\u2019m sober with you today. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7dgugg", "comment_id": "dpy3h8f"}, {"question": "[23/m] My friendly acquaintance [22/f] mistook my friendliness for romantic interest and kind of freaked out. How do I salvage it?", "description": "I met a girl at a mutual friends party a while back, and we spent most of the time there just hanging out, having a great time. I didn't expect to see her again, but a few months later she started working at my go to pizza place and we reconnected. So for three months whenever she was there, I always chatted with her and we got along really well. Eventually I decided I wanted to invite her out to the bars with a few friends of mine because I always enjoyed my time with her and I'd like to befriend her. \n\nShe misheard it and thought I was asking her out on a date, just stared at me as though I lost my mind, and told me \"Sorry, I don't accept invitations like that. At work.\" She didn't make eye contact and seemed outright scared. I didn't fully get what she meant so I just told her that it's ok and I understand. She went right back to being friendly as I was leaving, however.\n\nA month and a half later I find her on facebook and send her a friend request. It's been a week and no response either way. So my question is, how do I get past the awkwardness of that? I never contacted her to explain I wasn't trying to ask her out because I didn't want to make her more uncomfortable. Or is it too late to mend fences? We got along great and I think it would be a shame to lose that over an unfortunate misunderstanding.", "answer": "just clarify feelings together and go back to what you had.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msija", "comment_id": "dc605id"}, {"question": "Idea behind psychodynamic therapy", "description": "Hello,\n\nQuestion regarding psychodynamic therapy: is it therapist job to reparent the client, provide secure attachement base, show the client they are lovable and provide corrective experience with primary attachement figure? I know it is the case for some other forms of therapy if this is what client needs. I.e. To talk to client in a way client should be talked to by parents. Do psychodynamic therapist offer unconditional possitive regard or this is not the part of therapy and actually opposite: the therapist challenges the client and tells them sometimes critical and negative remarks about them? What about \"therapeutic love\" ? Is it important that client feels this or not in this form of therapy? \n\nI am asking casue I have certain critique for my ex therapist but I realize that maybe I dont know enough about psychodynamic therapy to expect i.e unconditional possitive regard or that therapist is interested in my life in general and they express that. \nI read that Freud described therapy as \"Die Heilung durch die Liebe\" (healing through love) but my therapist tells me it is not nessesary for therapist to care so deeply and they can still have great results. \n\nI would appreciate information about the importance of the bond in this type of therapy.", "answer": "Unconditional positive regard is typically associated with Rogerian/Humanistic/Person Centered therapy.  \n\nI am not familiar with \"therapeutic love\" and the \"negative remarks\" sounds more like Perls.\n\nWhere are you getting your info about psychodynamic therapy ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gp5fst", "comment_id": "frmfr2l"}, {"question": "Is 150mg of sertraline a lot?", "description": "I've been taking 100mg daily and my psychiatrist just told me to increase my dosage to 150mg. Can it cause any side effects? I haven't had any serious side effects for 100mg except the weight gain but it might not be because of that bc my appetite hasn't changed at all and for some weird reason i've been gaining weight. So is 150mg a lot??", "answer": "No, that's still within normal dose range. It can have side effects\u2014any medication or change can potentially have side effects\u2014but usually if you tolerate a lower dose well an increase doesn't cause sudden new problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eza4ki", "comment_id": "fglyubk"}, {"question": "It is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "I am not an ass. I don't go around insulting people. I am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. I am not naturally charming, sometimes I say something that people laugh at.\n\nI am not shy.\n\nI am a mix of alpha and beta. Maybe I am just unlucky, maybe I just give off bad vibes.\n\nIt's so weird. *shrugs*\n", "answer": "How much do you like other people.   Generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "cfxd3mm"}, {"question": "Advice on trying to be confident enough to find love with PCOS", "description": "I'm nearly 26 and I have only been on 2 single dates in my life - never had a boyfriend or anything approaching, never even held hands or kissed and definitely nothing sexual. Hopefully you can understand why I feel like a bit of an odd one out when most girls my age have reached those milestones years ago, and I'm surrounded by people in relationships.\n\nAnyway, my PCOS has developed over the past few years and got really bad. I've got acne, excessive body hair, oily skin, weight around my stomach, lots of sweating, depression, mood swings...a full complement of 'unattractive' symptoms, which makes me feel miserable all the time. I'd obviously really like to find a relationship as I feel so lonely all the time (I live and work mostly alone, and don't have many friends in the immediate vicinity) but my confidence in myself because of these symptoms is rock bottom and I don't know how to fix it. I'm trying to treat them all with no luck, and they're making me so shy with doing anything and I just want to hide myself constantly. The thought of allowing a boy to get close enough to my face to see the hair around my chin and jaw makes me want to die. This is all on top of other unrelated physical things like my huge shoulders and horrible teeth.\n\nI've been using dating apps for a few months and although I get some matches, I'm so convinced they'll think my body and how I act is repulsive when they meet me even if I look good in photos - past dates haven't exactly gone anywhere after just one meeting. The boys I like on there very rarely like me! I realise for not finding anyone at all in 26 years through school and uni and work, I probably need to work on other things too!! But I think I'm relatively 'normal' - I have a good career, good family and friends, interests and hobbies, and can do okay in social situations. Has anyone else managed to get anywhere from this point??", "answer": "If there\u2019s one thing I learned from my time dating it is to fake it \u2018till you make it and that confidence is sexy. \n\nWe are our biggest critics. Everyone has something they don\u2019t like about their body. I\u2019m obese and was talking with a coworker who had a baby recently. She\u2019s of a healthy weight, and super pretty, used to do some catalogue modeling. She was talking about how out of shape she is and joking that she was nowhere near a \u2018bikini body\u2019.\n\nI find it hilarious. I\u2019d stab a bitch for her body. But a few extra pounds and the natural things that happen to a body directly after pregnancy are just consuming her self image. \n\nThere are things you can do for PCOS to help, and if it makes you feel good to go hung go for them then do that! But sometimes it also feels (and physiologically is) an uphill battle. \n\nI own what I\u2019ve got. I know what clothes and make up styles are most flattering and then I just go out into the world with my head held high. \n\nI\u2019m kind, funny, smart, and a good listener. There is a ton of stuff that makes a person attractive that have nothing to do with physical appearance. \n\nI admit there are totally times where I feel like I\u2019m putting lipstick on a pig. Especially when I don\u2019t want to wear a bra, even though it makes a dramatic improvement in appearance for my figure. We all have those thoughts. \n\nYou are a worthy person. You have qualities that a partner will cherish. Fake the confidence till you have the confidence. Figure out what your awesome qualities are and remind yourself of them daily. You will eventually start to believe that you\u2019re an awesome human being that other people would be happy to be in a relationship with. \n\nRelationships are one of those places where looks do matter to some people and it does shrink the dating pool. But do you really want to date someone who dismisses you on looks alone? \n\nSincerely,\nA happily married, fat, PCOS chick who paid her dues in the dating pool a few years back", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8wmsyv", "comment_id": "e1x24ld"}, {"question": "What am I doing that will explain why any S/O of mine just leaves me?", "description": "i am 17 and have been in 3 relationships throughout my life. I've learned not to be too clingy nor too distant, never once cheated, I've waited months while someone's been in a different country, I'm funny, trustworthy and not to sound vain but rather pretty. When I'm in a relationship I'm just a normal, good girlfriend. I've come to the conclusion either I've been doing something wrong or my ex's are just assholes. What is the problem?", "answer": "It's impossible to know what's in someone else's head. Most of the time they don't even know. Don't take it personally. Just be you. Someone WILL love you. Period.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h8ium", "comment_id": "diwg7n9"}, {"question": "How do I help my mother to help my father to get help?", "description": "My father is a severe alcoholic with un-diagnosed mental issues. He suffers from delusions, anger, mood swings, and more. I'm not a doctor, and know nothing about mental health really besides some anxiety and depression that I suffer from myself. He will not get help, and he is losing his mind and it is killing my mother. He stays up all night drinking and talking to some fake catfish girl online while my mother can't sleep and shes in her 60s and works a full time job. He just drinks all night and goes to bed at 8 in the morning, then sleeps all day. Who can my mom call? She is having a very hard time with this and I don't know what to tell her. She goes back and forth because she's worried he'll die in the hospital and that he's too far gone for help, but also says she can't deal with this anymore. ", "answer": "Do you believe that the alcohol is causing the mental health problems or did they exist before he struggled with drink?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zj4qk", "comment_id": "deys5ci"}, {"question": "[19/f] I had my first date with someone I met on Tinder [20/m]", "description": "Two weeks ago I matched with a cute guy who shared my similar interests on Tinder. We started texting on the app until he gave me his number, a week ago. We have been texting at least once a day (nothing sexual- just questions about each other). He has always been forward and initiated most of relationship. He was the one to give me his number and he was persistent in asking me out. I finally agreed to it and we went out two days ago (2/15) to a restaurant.  I really enjoyed getting to know him and he was so sweet. After dinner he walked me to my apartment and we kissed in front. This was my first kiss and it was extremely awkward- he snuck in tongue almost immediately and put his hand on my butt. I was clueless in what to do and basically froze. After 30s I moved my head to give him hug goodbye (but he took it as a signal in getting more air and tried to kiss me again). I stammered out a goodbye and ran into my apartment. It has been 24 hrs without a text from him, and I'm worried that he doesn't like me. I really like him and I feel bad that I didn't tell him I had any experience prior to our date. I know he probably sounds sleazy from my description but I swear he was a gentleman! Should I text him or should I see that him not texting me back is a sign that he's not that into me? ", "answer": "It definitely seems like he likes you! I think he probably interpreted you running away and not \"putting out\", so to speak, as you not being interested. Maybe he took it as a rejection and is embarrassed.  \nYou like him, and he likes you, so don't let this little misunderstanding get in the way of anything. It may feel hard, but try to be honest and just say that you're not very experienced and didn't know what to do. No need to feel embarrassed about that, either. You're only 19. And many guys actually like women who are inexperienced (the whole \"purity,\" virgin thing...plus it can be cute)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uk4br", "comment_id": "ddurizm"}, {"question": "Delirium and Shortness of Breath in Myopathy", "description": "I have had muscle symptoms such as burning and weakness for about 4 years. One year ago, I started experiencing brain fog and difficulty breathing when lying down that has progressed to confusion and delirium and shortness of breath. \n\nI have had pulmonary function testing and a short sleep study. The PFT showed slow inspiration (peak inspiratory flow) at 32% of expected and 70% expected max expiratory pressure. Other values were normal. Sleep study was only 2.5 hours and didnt show hypoventilation, just a range of oxygen sat. between 85% and 96%.\n\nI have extreme trouble processing things, speaking, reading, and a very high heart rate with slight exertion with palpitations. Every doctor says I dont need night time ventilation, but I have somewhat been dismissed. I want to know how I can get treatment such as ventilation, at least at night.\n\nmuscle biopsy: https://imgur.com/a/UYdECu3\n\nPFT: https://imgur.com/a/3I6geLp\n\nsleep study: https://imgur.com/a/ZJjGpdV\n\nCanada - Male - 200 cm - 90kg - non smoker - no alcohol", "answer": "What is your question?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aumnh3", "comment_id": "eh9440x"}, {"question": "My roomate has his girlfriend over for the weekend.", "description": "I'm not exactly sure what to do. I've been stressing over this all day because I want to sleep in the room we share, but she will be there. It will be extremely awkward for me. This is the most anxiety I've had in awhile. My roommate only gave me 12 hour notice, which I find extremely rude. He should at least tell me a week in advance. Last night when he told me, he said \"feel free to sleep here or go to our friend danny's room because he has an extra bed.\" Is this normal speak for get the hell out? My assertive side says \"go to your damn room and sleep there because you pay for that shit\". My awkward side says \"sleep on the kitchen floor man, that's too much anxiety\". What the hell do I do? I do not want to change my fucking daily routine and move over just because she is here, but I also don't want to enrage people. Am I the creep ,or they simply rude? Do I go for what I desire, or do I appease what I think he likely was trying to convey? \nI personally DO NOT want to go to the other room because I hate it, absolutely despise, when my routine is broken. ", "answer": "For college (I'm assuming)this isn't an uncommon thing at all.  I'd say the fact you got any notice is fairly considerate.  Are you friends with your roommate or want to be friends?  If so, consider sleeping on the couch for a couple nights or going to a friends as favor to him and mention that he owes you one.  If he's a good guy, he'll reciprocate.  \n\nIf you don't care about being friends (or friendly) with him in the first place, it's time to set boundaries and say no, I'm not leaving and if you guys start screwing around while I'm there, this is what I'll do.... etc.  \n\nThe question you gotta ask is what's more important to you, his friendship or sleeping in your room that weekend?  There's no right or wrong answer, but either one will have consequences both good and bad. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "7ziesp", "comment_id": "duo8lom"}, {"question": "Are dehydration and CO2 levels related in any way?", "description": "Age: 33\nSex: M\nHeight: 5'7\"\nWeight: 130lbs\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of complaint: a few months\nLocation: headache/dizzy\nAny existing relevant medical issues: restrictive lung disease\nCurrent medications: Cartia XT 120mg\n\n\nI have realized lately that I have a serious problem when it comes to drinking water. When I wake up the first thing I drink is coffee, and then often times I barely have more than a few sips of water today. My doctor ran blood labs and my BUN level is at the high end of normal, and the Creatinine level is normal, but then the overall ratio is a bit higher than normal. Also my CO2 levels listed on the CBC are a bit higher than normal (33 when the high end normal is listed at 30). I do have a lung disease but normally my CO2 levels are on the higher end of normal, instead of outside the range. I realize I may just need an adjustment of the ventilator I use at night. But I was wondering, can dehydration cause elevated CO2 levels due to blood flow not being good or the body working harder than normal?", "answer": "You don\u2019t need to drink pure water. Just about any fluid will do, including coffee. A high BUN in isolation probably isn\u2019t meaningful unless it\u2019s extremely high; the ratio is mostly used for assessing kidney injury, which it doesn\u2019t sound like you have.\n\nThe CO2 in a CBC is actually bicarbonate, and it has a somewhat complex relationship with blood pH and level of dissolved carbon dioxide. But yours is so minimally elevated that it likely means nothing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cyf500", "comment_id": "eyrt0t0"}, {"question": "Is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "I've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that I don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. I just feel nothing. The therapists I've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if I still feel anxious or sad. Is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "That's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. This is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work. \n\nThere are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "fxfhonu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (was) a cutter and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I love her a lot.  We have been dating 2 years and she has yet to meet my family.  If I am being honest, part of it is because both of her arms are completely covered with scars.  My mom is a traditional soccer mom and while she may have had somewhat free spirit a long time ago, I just don't think she would understand this part of my girlfriend and I'm worried she won't approve. To top it all off, my brother was married to a girl who was a cutter and she ended up completely ruining him.  So my mom already has a bad view of this type of girl (if you can even include them in the same category).  My girlfriend is much sweeter than she was and she just had this thing she went through.  It's been a long time since she has done it.  Any thoughts? ", "answer": "If she's stable and healthy now, and you love her, that's all that matters.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vdjsc", "comment_id": "dlzl09y"}, {"question": "Since there are a variety of BPDs out there, what are your specific personality types?", "description": "I took this test recently: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp\nand ended up with INFP. It's pretty spot on, and I like to look through this site for more interpretation:\n\nhttp://www.truity.com/personality-type/infp\n\n\n\nI'm interested to see what your types are because we all have BPD in common at least.", "answer": "Infp i took the official one!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2jnu6d", "comment_id": "cldjofv"}, {"question": "In a new relationship, is it natural to want to explore new people or does that signal I'm not really happy?", "description": "I [27/m] just started dating someone [24/m] four months ago and we're not seeing other people. It's my first real relationship. I think he's great and I like him a lot. We met on a dating app. I never deleted my apps and recently an old swipe came through as a match. The new match is trying to initiate conversation. Part of me wants to talk to the new match to see what he's all about. Is this temptation a normal part of being human and I should just learn to ignore it and focus on building my current relationship, or is this a sign that I'm not totally happy with my current situation?", "answer": "I think you're not quite ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bduqp", "comment_id": "dhlsokc"}, {"question": "Would a therapist judge me? How would therapy help this?", "description": "I am highly manipulative, sadistic, all I do is play mind games and I\u2019m extremely calculated. I use everyone and throw them away when I\u2019m done. If I\u2019m not in control of a situation/conversation, I\u2019m extremely uncomfortable and get angry. \n\nWhen I determine who I actually would WANT to have around, I calculate their worth or whether I can benefit from them or not. \n\nI don\u2019t always play games to hurt people, but to manipulate them into liking me. With every conversation is an ulterior motive, family as well. \n\nI think I\u2019m better than everyone. Maybe not as smart as somebody, or as attractive, but collectively, with personality and looks, depth, interests, I am. Doesn\u2019t everyone? When I ask.. everyone says they don\u2019t think they are. Are they lying?\n\nI don\u2019t like anyone that much, I look down to all of my peers and mostly everyone else. If I\u2019m interested in someone, I talk to them until I figure them out.. and then I\u2019m bored. \nI have no true friends because I see no one as equal. I feel no empathy. \nOf course feeling grandiose has its benefits, confidence, but it\u2019s lonely and obviously not normal. \n\n\nMy current partner wants me to talk to someone because they think I have antisocial personality disorder.\nEven thinking about seeing a therapist and opening up  scares me, someone seeing who I am, I could never!But I want to feel understood and not looked at as a terrible person.\n\n\nWhat is this? \nDo I just lie? Can I tell the truth to a potential future therapist? Wouldn\u2019t you think I\u2019m a POS?", "answer": "If you are worried about being judged or disliked,  i recommend seeing a therapist who has experience working with \"difficult \" patients.  I do forensic work , so I am pretty used to being lied to and manipulated. I have also worked with violent offenders , so I am not easily scared off.\n\nThere are plenty of therapists who will happy to work with you , just as you are.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hufpib", "comment_id": "fynq26i"}, {"question": "How many people have you \"shut out of your life\", or stopped speaking to before they could leave you first, and how long did you not speak to them?", "description": "I am currently trying to put some space between me and my FP, which is actually not that hard because he rarely speaks to me anymore. I just feel like he thinks that I either don't like him, or that I'm not interesting anymore, that he thinks I'm too much work to keep being friends with, or just simply annoying. \n\nWe used to talk every day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, but he has kind of put me aside. He talks to other people now and when we hang out it's just awkward and he can get kind of mean. He makes me nervous, and we both often need alcohol to be our true selves with each other. I can get really quite when people talk about things rather than emotional stuff, and when I hang with him and my bf, they only talk about cars, speakers and other music stuff, or games I haven't played or aren't interested in, and I can't get a word in edgewise. I get cut off when I talk, the music I play isn't appreciated (he literally says it sucks) and gets skipped. I know that he sometimes goes over the edge when teasing me because he wants a reaction, but by that time I'm already emotionally out the door and can't come with a witty come-back or laugh it off, so it becomes even more awkward. \n\nLast time we hung out he randomly hugged me and asked me why I'm so unapproachable, and it just breaks my heart. Later that night we danced really intimately together after having had a heartfelt discussion about another friend of his, and I felt that we would get back on track after that, but no. He is frustrated, I get that, but for my mental well being, I just need space. \n\nSo. \n\nHave you ever been in a situation like that where you had to not be in contact with your FP or someone else, what happened, how did they react, and how long did you not speak for?", "answer": "I have burned many bridges\n\nYou can't cross them again", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "f5pj2v", "comment_id": "fi03xkf"}, {"question": "Low b12 but i do not agree my doctors opinion. Your thoughts?", "description": "Age: 22\nWeight: 73kg(160lbs)\nHeight: 175sm(5\"9')\n\nBefore two years when i worked stressfull job i had brain fog, was lethargic and had anxiety issues. Now i am studying only. As my life got more peaceful the symptoms reduced.\nAs of now: \n3 months ago I started dieting and going to the gym. I lost 10kg(22lbs). Currently i feel better than before. But still i lack the energy my friends(same age) have. At the gym i feel weak, although I am lifting the same weights I used to when I was 10kg heavier. Sometimes i get brain fog. \n\nThe things i have changed bout my diet are:\ngreatly reduced alcohol consumption.\nexcluded beer appetizers like fried chicken skins, fatty pork cuts, bacon.\n\nI am eating more veggies and fruits than before and i am consuming meat on a daily basis(about 500g). I am varying the protein source between pork, eggs and chicken.\nI eat at about 1800ccal 120protein  60-80 fats 100 - 180 carbs.\n\nMy doc says that he is not conserned about my b12 level being below the range.\nI have 168pgml the range is [190, 914]. My Iron is ok.\n\nHis opinion: \nMaybe it is because you restrict yourself of certain foods or it is due to the change in diet.\nI am not conserned and i think your score is ok. If you decide to take b12, get some b12 drops.\n\nMy opinions:\nI eat varying foods and consume meat daily so i think there is something wrong with the absorption of b12, not with the diet. So i think that taking oral drops will not change anything. I need b12 shots.\n\nI am attaching some of the test, only the b12 is out of range out of those(and the other things we tested) \n\n---->https://imgur.com/a/jqXHIyX\n\n\nWhat are your thoughts? And if you support my opinions, what dosage and how often should i get injected.\n ", "answer": "If you had a serious absorption problem like pernicious anemia your B12 level would be much lower. I would recommend that you start by supplementing orally and retest in a few months.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fa4uz", "comment_id": "dy1zshu"}, {"question": "Need help with a friend who is a compulsive liar", "description": "Within my friend group there is one friend in particular who always seems to be lying especially about girls he has talked to or dated in the past. I first became aware of this when this friend had been talking about this one girl pretty frequently. He was talking about how they had hung out a lot and they even engaged in some sexual activity. He even said at one point he was going to fly out to Hawaii with her. It came to my realization soon after that this wasn't true. I found out that she had a boyfriend and was in a serious committed relationship. \n\nThis didn't stop here however, as he continued to tell stories and lie about his past girlfriends that he has had. He has also discussed how he dated and or had intimate relations with two other girls. It all seemed pretty unlikely to me so I asked the girls about him and they confirmed to our surprise that they had never been in any sort of relationship with him and they may have not even liked him that much. \n\nIt seemed to get even weirder after he went off to college. He had said he met a girl there and they were in a relationship. However, he would rarely talk about her, I never saw a picture of her, and he would always seem to avoid talking about the subject. She seemed to fade out of the picture until he got with his new and current \"girlfriend.\" There is more evidence to back this girl up as I have seen them hang out together and they seem to at least be friends. Although I am unsure if this goes anywhere past friendship because some conversations seem forced and fake.\n\nFinally, I am also getting concerned after learning from friends of ours that he has hit up quite a bit of girls on instagram or snapchat that appear to be too young for him. He is a freshman in college and he has hit up girls who are freshman and sophomores from our high school and it is fairly odd. I am not sure how to handle this situation or if I should bring this up to him.", "answer": "Based only on this information alone, it doesn't really sound like \"compulsive \" lying.  Maybe he lies about other things,  but this sounds like a concerted and careful (albeit sloppy and not well-done) effort to paint his romantic life in a certain way. This is a pretty classic \"I have a girlfriend in Canada,\" \"I have a girlfriend from summer camp\" lie , but with poor insight,  since these girls exist in your community. \n\nRelationships and sex can be a huge source of anxiety in early adulthood.  One way to deal with this is to not pay much mind. He sounds awfully immature,  and challenging him or investigating his claims may fuel him more and make his love life feel more important. \n\nNow, if he is trying to contact younger girls online,  he could potentially get in trouble,  depending on where you live. Confronting him about the possible consequences may not be a bad idea . If you can leave out implications (like that you think it is gross or perverted), it may be more impactful.  He may not be able to control his thoughts and attraction,  the focus can be on controlling illegal/risky behavior.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gq6hav", "comment_id": "frrwdcm"}, {"question": "The law of attraction is definitely real.", "description": "My \"superpowers\" are back. I'm getting strong, chicks are staring at me everywhere I go and chatting me up. NoFap is just one tool for greatness, however. \n\nI started to realize at some point last year that everything really comes back to hormones. You can't bank on just nofap to turn you into some kind of stud. You have to stop settling for a fantasy, and stop seeking approval also. \n\nI have the knowledge. I know why NoFap helps, I know why the hormones matter, and I know why the abundance mentality draws in the things you truly desire.\n\nChanging your way of thinking is a start, even if you're in deep shit right now. Stop looking at what you DON'T have. Being gracious is key. Discipline is also required. Instant gratification will lead you to  being less productive over time. You will feel lifeless, no purpose, no fulfillment. Change that \"there's no point of life\" mentality to \"life is great.\"\n\nIt does take time, everything does. You will need to put the work in for your goals. You will need to give up a lot of bad shit. Just know that self-improvement comes with no limitation. If you truly desire a healthy relationship, then you will start making yourself more appealing right now. \n\nI've made posts before about how increasing testosterone levels betters your situation. If you really want the superpowers that some guys on here are claiming, it's not free. \n\nSome guys do have good genes naturally, and are more inclined to draw in attention just by doing nofap. When you have high test levels, pheromones definitely make you more appealing. You can't achieve that magnetism otherwise. \n\nDoctors many years ago told me I had low t. I was only 20 or so at the time. I'm now 24, and honestly I started looking into everything I could do to increase levels naturally. I start lifting, I started eating things like oyster, nuts, coconut oil, eggs and so on. Supplementation also unlocked potential, many people think it's all bs and makes no difference, but I'll tell you from my personal experience, some definitely increase testosterone levels. \n\nIf you're stubborn about supplementation, then at least better your diet. Heavy lifting over time gradually helps as long as you aren't overworking yourself at the gym every night. If you're doing chump weight and long cardio sessions, you aren't doing the optimal workout for an increase. \n\nThe main lifts, especially squats and deadlifts, at the heaviest you can handle, make a noticable difference. I just did deadlifts earlier at 195 pounds, 8 reps and feel so much better. I'm not a huge guy, I'm like 5'6, 140 lb. \n\nPeople think it's all about looks, but truthfully personality is going to do a lot more for attraction as a guy. Yeah, muscle is nice for the physical aspect of attraction, but it is not a requirement. What really matters is that you feel great all the time, no more slumps, no more insecurities. \n\nStability is everything. I know guys bragging they work more than I do, but really a lot of them aren't stable, they're still a slave to drugs or hook ups or whatever gives them their quick boost. \n\nStart reconsidering your situation right now. Stop settling. \n\nAsk me anything if you want, I know what works, as I stated. My streak isn't 144 days without busting a nut, but the progress I've made resembles something far beyond some number to brag about. ", "answer": "Now this! This is inspirational!", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "7r892t", "comment_id": "dsvl29k"}, {"question": "Best physical hobbies to meet new people and make friends", "description": "When I was younger I use to have a handful of friends from the High School football team that I didn't need to be very socially out going to maintain. I was decently fit at the time, we did a lot of physical activities outside of the sport but now many have moved away, some unfortunately died, and the one I got left is to busy with his family and career to do much with me these days which is understandable.\n\nI'm a 25 year old guy working on getting back into shape, and I noticed a boxing gym just opened up in town had a slight interest in the sport. There isn't to much available around here for adults besides bars and I don't like drinking it just breaks out my face so does this sound like a valid option to make some male friends? What are other options out there for a rather still young adult male?", "answer": "Depends on where you live but a lot of towns have adult rec sports leagues from competitive ones to recreational.  Even kickball leagues for adults can be a ton of fun.  Usually in rec leagues there are a few teams made up of individuals who don't know each other when they join and get placed on the teams.  This can be a good way to meet people and have fun in the process.\n\n\nThough they're not as common I don't think as softball and kickball rec leagues for adults, some organizations have flag football or even full contact (with pads) rec leagues for adults.  \n\n\nBars usually are the best place to make friends as adults.  You don't necessarily have to drink.  See if any of the bars in your area have pool or darts leagues, or other kinds of leagues.  This can usually be a good way to make friends.\n\n\nIf you're musically inclined or even just love listening to live music, finding open mic nights at bars or coffee shops and starting to go regularly to perform or even just watch is a great way to meet people.  More often than not, the environment is very inviting and communal.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8iev01", "comment_id": "dyr5vlb"}, {"question": "Told my counselor about how I feel about being ugly and obessing over it, and I just came out feeling worse! Did you feel worse trying to explain your dysmorphia issues to therapists?", "description": "I have a counselor I go to every week at my college and although she is very nice and understanding, I don't feel exactly understood. I told her about how half of my life I have been called ugly and how depressed and anxious it made me feel to the point it made me a reculse. Im back in college after five years of being homebound for thinking im too ugly to leave the house. I come back to college and already someone told me id look prettier/better if I fixed my hair/had a different hairstyle and I swear I overheard a kid saying im so ugly to look at! WTF, I got into a panic mode all over again and want to drop out because of that. Im so tired of people calling me ugly and criticzing how I look. I know im not the best looking person but there is not much I can do unless I get cosmetic surgery which  I plan to get in the future but I have no job or money so that is going to take a million years :(.  Another part of me was also hoping that my counselor would say \"No you aren't ugly or horrible looking at all!\" when I mentioned am i really that horrible looking to myself and she said how people can be mean and very judgmental but she never said I wasn't ugly/horrible looking. She looked at me with concern and sorrow and said how often is this in my head. And basically said that I don't know what others thinking of me and to label my way of thinking (like labeling, emotional reasoning)\n\nUgh I nearly choked up explaining my past, I hate to be reminded of it. It hurts to be ugly, who wants to be ugly? who wants to be called that? to have people avoid and ignore you over something you cant control. ld rather be dead than continue to live being ignored, insulted, and mistreated.  im to weak and sensitive to struggle with this on a daily basis. Going back to college was a mistake, I should have gotten a job and got some plastic surgery first before going, I wasted so much time in fear hiding from this world, if I had a job during those years, I could have afforded a procedure by now.\n\nThe counselor probably thinks im ugly as shit too, which is why she didn't say much and just addressed how people can be judgmental and to not care what they think and also how to cope with how im feeling that I can just avoid people and situations that make me feel this way at times when I can. I wish I never said anything.  it just made me feel worse being reminded of it and not being reassured that im not ugly. I probably don't even have dysmorphia and just depressed about the cold reality that I am ugly and there is nothing I can do about it, including trying not to care cause its impossible with my OCD mind.\n", "answer": "If it makes you feel any better, I\u2019m a licensed counselor and I specifically have to stop my natural urge to tell clients they are attractive when they make negative comments about their appearance. There are several different reasons for this - first being that since I\u2019m a professional that they are paying good money for, I feel like I can come up with something more helpful than just saying what anyone else would say \u201coh but you\u2019re so attractive, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about!\u201d I also feel as though that\u2019s an invalidating statement to make to a client - it doesn\u2019t matter what *I* think about their appearance, it matters that they feel unattractive, and I need to find a better way to help them with that other than just telling them that they\u2019re wrong - that\u2019s not going to help the situation. Also, it can get a little dicey as a counselor if you\u2019re commenting on clients\u2019 physical attractiveness - you never know when you might get into a messy situation with sexual transference. ", "topic": "DysmorphicDisorder", "post_id": "9ujcp3", "comment_id": "e9eklx5"}, {"question": "I can't really remember clearly anything that happened more than 12 months ago, is that weird?", "description": "I was talking with a friend last night and they seemed really freaked out about it, I thought it was fairly normal and everyone's memory was that fuzzy, he seemed to have some kind of incredible super-memory and I thought he was the weird one - but now I'm feeling a bit self conscious about it?\n\nExamples - \n\nI can't remember any of my old addresses from the houses I used to live in.   \nI can't remember any of the titles of the classes I took at university (let alone any of the content)   \nI can't remember the names of any of the kids I went to high school with (except for the ones I still have on facebook)   \nI can't remember what I did for any of my birthdays.   \n\nHe said \"okay what were you doing in summer of 2010?\" and I had to logically think \"well I would have been 20, so that year I would have been (I'm trying to think of it now as I'm typing this and kind of struggling)..... \n\nNo I can't remember. I have no idea. I would have gone back to my parents house that summer because I would have been at college, but I have no idea what happened.\n\nI want to talk about it with someone but don't want to come across weird to my friends (because the guy last night reacted pretty weirdly) - so, any similar experiences?", "answer": "There's no reason to worry. The brain works on a \"use it or lose it\" principal. As you think about things less, they get harder to think about. The cells in your brain go through a pruning process which removes any cells that haven't been activated some time. This includes memories stored in different areas of the brain. Additionally, memory is a difficult process and memories themselves degrade the less you think about them. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "24137h", "comment_id": "ch2qxl3"}, {"question": "Day 3 im hurting", "description": "Sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. Saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab. \nIn December events out of my control caused me to lose my home. What was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. I spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. I have been homeless for 8 days now. Saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. At 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. I slept on the beach Saturday night. Sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. Sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. Yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. Around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when I closed my eyes. Took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. Today has been the worst day so far. Today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. He wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. I couldn't let him. Ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. I have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. I spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. I dont want to live like this anylonger. Ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. Thank you.", "answer": "Hey, saw this post on new.\n\nYou've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. Everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.\n\nThe scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. Things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.\n\nLike you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. Acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "edm6jj8"}, {"question": "Unstable identity gives u gender dysphoria?", "description": "For 95 percent of the time I feel like a cisgender female , I like having my feminine body and my feminine face. But I have these very few moments where I get extreme gender dysphoria  out of nowhere? Like I want to be a man so badly for a short sporadic period of time . But it\u2019s not consistent nor do I like he/him pronouns ..., is it bpd unstable sense of identity ???? Anyone else have this ? This extreme shift in identity where u badly want to live a man\u2019s life and live as one . But then like a match it just burns out???", "answer": "I do not have a diagnosis of BPD and I experience this at times (but I\u2019m also a slightly androgynous male).", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "fq4hju", "comment_id": "flq17pg"}, {"question": "My [25/f] BF [26/m] left his FB account open on my computer and I saw that he talks a lot of shit about me", "description": "He left his account open on my computer and I read what was left open. Found out he complains a lot to his friends about me...and calls me really hurtful names. \n\nTo his friends, he says he doesn't want to get married or have kids with me because I am insane. To my face, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life, yadda yadda. I don't understand why he'd lie to my face. I closed out of it and said nothing. It's been a few weeks now. Still bothers me. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ekltd", "comment_id": "dibad5k"}, {"question": "Lost respect for my boss, relatively new employee", "description": "So I just got a nice new job about 4 weeks ago. I was excited about it and it seemed to be a great jumping off point for my career. My boss was well respected outside our corporation, she had a lot of successful meetings and awards, and was seemingly on a path to success where she was going to drag me along.\n\nWell, as the time has passed I realize that she is not at all who people think she is. I took an amateur psychopathy test on her behalf and it spells her out to a T. \n\nWhat pushed me was an event today when she flew off the handle and screamed at a long term co-worker over an incredibly innocuous comment. I have seen small events like this happen, but not to this level. It was full on bullying and disgusting behavior. \n\nI will add that I have been having some strong second thoughts about taking the job after a few incidents that have involved me, and older employees who have worked for her are beaten down and choose not to fight back, which I can understand. \n\nRight now I am feeling like I made a big mistake, taking a job without the full knowledge of what I was getting into. I will spend the weekend applying to jobs to find an escape route. \n\nI know that getting her fired will be very difficult because of her seniority.", "answer": "Start hunting for a new job now before you have a big gap on your resume.  No need to even put this job on there you've been there so little time. Get out now. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2hl7p7", "comment_id": "ckts1nv"}, {"question": "72 hour VOLUNTARY psych hold - does it go on your record like and INvoluntary psych hold?", "description": "Hey! I\u2019ve been in a really hard place for the past few weeks but I\u2019ve been thinking about checking into a hospital for a 72 psych hold voluntarily before it escalates to a place where I harm myself or I get admitted involuntarily. I know involuntary holds go on your record and will be seen on any background checks (med/law school, buying a gun, teaching license, etc.) and I want to know if the same goes for a voluntary hold. Does anyone know?\nAlso, if anyone has experience with a 72 hr psych hold, please share. I don\u2019t know anyone one who\u2019s done this and there\u2019s only so many articles I can read in the internet. \nTIA!", "answer": "Hello! Therapist who works on a psych inpatient unit here.\n\nVoluntary psych admissions are a bit more state specific when it comes to whether it comes up in different types of background checks. Some states ask for reporting on it from the hospitals, others don't. The involuntary holds MUST be reported to the appropriate state agency. So, the general idea is, go in on a voluntary hold and your chances of it messing things up regarding background checks in the future are lessened.\n\nThe only real places that can look that information up themselves are places that give out security clearances (so think, the government or military) and specialized vendors who keep databases on these types of things (so gun stores and possibly local police). Graduate schools require you to report these types of things on your own, and any professional licenses you try to obtain will ask you to report these things as well. For any of these, however, what they look for is that you are recognizing the severity of your concerns that led you to an inpatient admission in the first place and that you are/have been actively working on them. \n\nPsychiatric inpatient admissions experiences vary wildly on the facility and area. It's difficult to give you a fully accurate impression of what you might experience just because so many places do it differently. What I always suggest to look for in terms of an inpatient voluntary admission:\n\n1. Does the facility separate voluntary admissions and involuntary admissions? Do they place you according to your clinical presentation? Facilities that keep voluntary admissions in a particular unit tend to have a lower acuity (that's the severity of the various clinical presentations on the unit).\n2. What kind of therapy does the facility offer? Is it only groups, or is individual therapy also something they do? I'd recommend you take advantage of as much therapy time as you can.\n3. Do the staff help clients with case management stuff? That can be helpful if you have some difficulty attaining your basic needs.\n4. Is there any follow-up after discharge? That can help you transition back into the community or into a step-down level of care.\n\nGENERALLY, you will meet with a few therapists, a psychiatrist, and a nurse. You will work together with your treatment team to get you on a treatment regiment, gauge your ability to discharge, and continue working with you to develop insight and prepare you for services after your discharge.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e8g8bi", "comment_id": "fabqyt5"}, {"question": "I am quitting drinking. Detox questions.", "description": "Hello, I have made the choice to kick alcohol to the curb because it sucks.  \n\nI am 32, Male, 5'10\", 235lbs, White\n\nI already have a fatty liver and high cholesterol.  I HAVE to quit.  But it is my choice to quit.   \n\nSo, worried about detoxing but I know I am no where near the extreme levels some alcoholics do.  Some people tell me I am not even an alcoholic because I don't \"get the shakes\" and other crap like that. \n\nHowever, I can't tell you my average drinks because I don't track or remember, but a typical night is 6 beers, maybe a shot or two if I am not feeling the buzz.  I can and have killed a pint of whisky in one sitting, no issues, topped with a few beers.  I haven't done that in a while though.  \n\nProblem is, I drink a lot because I have always had a naturally high tolerance for booze.  For the last 10 years, I mainly drank on the weekends, if I drank at all.  But, the last two years I have been increasing and especially over the past year and a half, really increased.  Especially when I am alone, if the wife is out of town, or I, like I am now.  I have killed 6 beers and a few shots the past three nights in a row, in a two or three hour period.  Anyway, how likely am I to detox?  I know I will have withdrawal symptoms regardless, but am I at the level of drinking that should require an MDs assistance? \n\nAlso, while on the subject, what other than Omega 3 can I take to help knock down the fat in my liver a little quicker, tired of feeling like a softball is in there.  I have changed my eating habits drastically, take fenofibrate and omega three (2x a day on the Omega) but is there anything else?  I know the Broccoli family is great at helping as well.  But I am serious as a heart attack here.  I am done.  This shit ends as of 11 pm last night.  \n\nQuit smoking 7 years ago, change my eating habits 6 months ago, now for the finale two.  No more beer, and no more couch potatoe.  More water and more exercise.  \n\nAlso, I drink a shit ton of water.  Close to 3/4 or a full gallon a day, always have.  Honestly, I swear I get hung over from not drinking enough water by the end of the day.  haha, kidding.  But seriously, I know around 3pm if I have not consumed enough water, and drank to much caffiene.  I start to feal like total crap, until I am able to rehydrayte.  \n\nI am also on 150mg of Zoloft, 2 of Xanax, 60 ER Adderall and 150Mls of Testosterone IM injections (weekly)  just fyi.  Yes, it's all legal and all prescribed, and no, I do not abuse any of these medications.  The only abuse I have ever done is Alcohol and Smoking (dipping back in the day too! lol)  Thanks.  I look forward to becoming a member of the healthy society.   ", "answer": "I have no idea why you are prescribed most of your medication given your alcohol history, but hey ho.\n\nTo clarify, youre not typically drinking daily and on days you dont drink youre not suffering any significant withdrawal symptoms? If so then you should simply stop. Id still advice seeking professional support though im assuming you are in the US where addiction services are patchy.\n\nIt sounds like you're not dependent on alcohol but definitely using it in a harmful fashion. Good job in choosing to change your lifestyle.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6yvq3f", "comment_id": "dmqmgbg"}, {"question": "Scared to drive?", "description": "I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'll try my best. I'm 19 years old and it's been time for me to start driving. There's one problem though. I have to admit that I'm scared to get on the road. From my past experience, I have been into a car accident. Luckily, no one was hurt. Ever since that car accident I've been traumatize everytime I try to get behind the wheel. It sucks because people keeps bugging me about getting my driver's license.  What should I do to fix this?", "answer": "In addition to taking it slow like the other commenter said, try and see if you can find a buddy or your parents to sit in the car and help you as you're learning. It should be someone patient and calm who is willing to slowly go step by step with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fd14d2", "comment_id": "fjehk51"}, {"question": "How much money has ADHD cost you???", "description": "And I don\u2019t mean doctors and medication. \n\nLate fees, subscriptions I didn\u2019t cancel, freaking redbox the money sucking vending machine, impulse purchases, time wasted... The cost of living in a constant state of panic and forgetfulness is astronomical for me. Ugh.", "answer": "If I had a good enough memory and was organized enough with my money to tell you I probably wouldn't have ADHD :-D", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cpvinb", "comment_id": "ewrudqr"}, {"question": "I could use some DBT advice.", "description": "My therapist is having me try some DBT worksheets and such, but I just cant seem to have any interest in it. What are some hints you have?\n\nI would really like it to work,.", "answer": "DBT is extremely time intensive and should be used in combination with a group or at the least, individual sessions focusing on reviewing content and going over difficulties using the skills. An outpatient group is typically ~30 weeks to learn all the skills. They can be taught separately if your therapist has concluded you could benefit from parts of DBT; perhaps your therapist isn't explaining the skills/purpose of using the skills thoroughly? There is also an immense amount of homework in terms of practicing the skills outside of group, so understanding what you're applying and why is crucial. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dptlo", "comment_id": "di5cde2"}, {"question": "My therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  I miss her so badly right now.", "description": "It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  She changed my life.  She helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  Whenever I'm stuck or falling into old traps, I think about what she would have told me.  \n\nI'm doing so much better; I really am.  But all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time I stop to think about how well I'm doing or I find a reason to be proud of myself, all I want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.\n\nI want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  I want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  At the memorial service, her husband told me, \"She always said her children were her legacy, and I like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  Just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"\n\nI've never lost anyone close to me before.  Ironically, losing a loved one was something I thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person I loved to pass away.  And it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "Yup.  Losing people sucks.  I like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.\n\nYou say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.\n\nIt'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  You won't \"get over\" it.  And you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.\n\nI lost my mom, to whom I was very close, when I was 21.  That was 29 years ago.  I still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "c84k2iq"}, {"question": "How to know when to leave your spouse?", "description": "Me (46M) married to my wife (37f) for 16yrs.  I was disatisfied with our relationship and sought comfort outside our marriage.  That person I have found knew I was married, as that what she was seeking (f38).  A relationship has blossomed against our original intentions.\n\nOver the years I have allowed my wife to have casual sexual relationships.  In the 16yrs she has admitted to 4.  I get it, it dont bother me.  I have had 2 total, inluding latest.  \n\nUnfortunatly, my wife is very jealous and would never let me have the same freedoms as I have given her, so mine where unacknowledged till last nite.\n\nWe have had 2 serious talks about our relationship in the past.  The first one I asked her to make changes, as I decided I didnt want to move on if she wasnt going to change her behavior.  She has made changes.  I have not.  I still do destructive things to our relationship(such as continuing with new girl) based on past experiance and negative thoughts about my wife, even though she has made changes\n\nI am trying to move forward, like my wife has in some cases..but I am stuck.  I will/need to o counciling for that.\n\nThey question I have is, do I really want to stay married?  Can we move forward?  I am trying to put the other person out of my mind, as last thing she wants is to be the reason why I left my wife.  I know my  decsion has to be made independantly of the new person.  But I am so damn conflicted\n\nI really dont want to toss away my 16yrs..but I cant continue in the same relationship with my wife.  The other girl would gladly have a relationship with me, and we already kinda do..its so much more than sex.  \n\nAND the sex is so much better, communication with her is much easier, we speak the same language and feel generally the same about of lot of things.  I enjoy being with her, I enjoy our intamacy.\n\nI dont think I have ever \"made love\" till I was with the new person!  The passion, the connection!   I had always discounted people that spoke of making love vs sex.  Now I know, I understand.\n\nDownside, she has young kids..and I am almost done and I feel I want to be done with kids..  Thats the only downside I got..I think\n\nIf my wife said she had met someone new..and was leaving.. i think I would feel relieved.  \n\nWe have commited to trying.  I must end my relationship with the other person.  I did not inform her of much of an emotional connection there was. \n\nMy wife is fighting very hard to keep this relationship.  She is emotionally devistated at the thought of me leaving, and that kills me.  Is it the reason I am staying married?  I think so..\n\nI think this became a ramble..\n\ntl;dr:  Met new girl..she is awesome, cant decided if I want to stay married.\n\n\n\n", "answer": "marriage counseling for 3 months and the answer will be obvious", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qpofq", "comment_id": "dd17xr1"}, {"question": "Is it normal to not talk a lot about exes in a relationship? My boyfriend [M21] and I [F22] have never really had a full depth conversation about our exes.", "description": "We only have a general idea about the exes, and that's from info from a mutual friend. Is that normal? We pretty much just focus on ourselves. Great relationship though.\n\nAlso his mother told me somethings about his exes and how she didn't like them.", "answer": "You're better off never talking about exes", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71kida", "comment_id": "dnbnozt"}, {"question": "[17/M] I've Been Dating My Girlfriend [17/F] for 5 Months and Haven't Even Kissed Her", "description": "I've been dating my girlfriend since summer started. She's actually my first since I'm the most nervous guy on the planet. It's been many months now and all I've gotten to is hugging her! I've gone on walks with her, gone to the movies with her, gone to dances with her, but I haven't even held her hand, let alone kissed her! I can also feel that she is also getting frustrated that I'm not escalating our relationship further.\n\nReddit, help me! What do I do?", "answer": "Once you do it once it will get easier and more natural.... So, just do it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1sclpq", "comment_id": "cdwdiq7"}, {"question": "Interesting Insight: \"Why are autistic people less susceptible to groupthink?\"", "description": "I was thinking a lot about the current situation in the United States, and was doing a bit of Googling out of curiosity. I did a search on the concept of \"group-think\" (social conformity behavior), and why it seems to be such a foreign experience to me.\n\nI came across a Quora post that really resonated with me. Here's a link to the post, but I'll also copy the response that really hit me:\n\n* [https://www.quora.com/Why-are-autistic-people-less-susceptible-to-groupthink](https://www.quora.com/Why-are-autistic-people-less-susceptible-to-groupthink)\n\nIn particular, its the second response that I want to highlight here. I don't necessarily agree with everything he writes here, but I will **BOLD** the parts that really stand out to my experience:\n\n​\n\n>Harry McKracken, Filmmaker, Inventor, Entrepreneur, Father & Husband  \n>  \n>Answered Sep 7, 2018 \u00b7 Author has 73 answers and 271.2k answer views  \n>  \n>  \n>  \n>I\u2019m  an Aspie, a scientist, an inventor, an engineer, a filmmaker but I\u2019m  not a neurobiologist. That being said, I doubt most neurobiologists know  the answer. So, this is my theory\u2026it isn\u2019t science\u2026but it is a sound  theory.  \n>  \n>Aspies have \u201cmind blindness.\u201d We struggle to pick up on the nonverbal cues that  tell us how someone else is feeling. **We tend not to notice group behavior. And we tend to make choices based on informational cues rather  than social cue.**  \n>  \n>Is this a genetic disability or a genetic superability? It depends on your point of view. It also depends on context.  \n>  \n>**If  you have a group of teenagers trying to passive-aggressively urge  someone to smoke a cigarette, our \u201cmind blindness\u201d protects us. We\u2019re  usually the twelve year old kids saying \u201cSmoking will kill you.\u201d or \u201cI  don\u2019t want cancer.\u201d** The non-autistic person KNOWS thats factually  correct\u2026but they can FEEL the passive-aggressive pressure to fit in.  They can SENSE the group\u2019s behavior and the groups demand to CONFORM. **We  can\u2019t or we feel it so remotely it doesn\u2019t drown out our rational mind.**  \n>  \n>However,  there is a flip side to this. There are situations where social  conformity is DEMANDED and violating it looks EVIL. **Someone has died,  everyone knows to wear black, dress up and look sad even if the person  was a jerk and everyone hated that person. The Aspie decides it isn\u2019t  worth the effort to dress up, faking emotions is a waste of time and why  should this event change the facts of the past that this person was a  jackass?**  \n>  \n>\u201cWhat a cold-hearted, cruel person!\u201d is the exclamation.  \n>  \n>It\u2019s  the same thing going on in the brain. Its the same neurology guiding  the decisions being made. But, the context is radically different.  \n>  \n>Most  Westerners have a \u201cbinary bias.\u201d We think in good-bad, left-right, etc.  We often describe ourselves as having strengths AND weaknesses, as if  they are mutually exclusive of each other. **I\u2019ve come to see this in a  more Zen-like way as I have aged; my strengths are my weaknesses and my  weaknesses are my strengths.** I have a duty to understand context and  tailor how I apply my strengths/weaknesses to that situation.  \n>  \n>I  am built the way I am built. That\u2019s my fate. But, I can choose in any  moment of any event how to maneuver\u2026like a rudder moving a very large,  slow-moving boat\u2026that\u2019s my choice. **I choose to not give into social  pressure and group think when it is based on something evil, immoral or  likely to result in long term negative consequences.** I choose to abide  by social pressure and group think when the results are positive or  neutral. And my journey as a human, because I\u2019m just as human as a  non-autistic person despite the non-autistic\u2019s desire to put me in a box  and mark me as disabled, is to slowly\u2026ever so slowly\u2026get better and  better at distinguishing when to conform and when I can be myself.  \n>  \n>**If  you are non-autistic, then you have the opposite problem and I have a  lot of empathy for your mental disability.** **It must be painful and  frustrating to know you are prone to being convinced to do stupid things  simply because you desperately want to be liked by a group of  acquaintances and strangers.**  \n>  \n>**I  cannot imagine the mental anguish of a 12 year old non-Aspie, wanting  to be cool, wanting to be liked, not aware that the person they admire  isn\u2019t a true friend, oblivious to how short-lived this relationship will  be and that anyone pushing them to drink alcohol or smoke or do drugs  is not a real friend. I have empathy for their parents and the anguish  they go through, fearful their child will \u201cdo something stupid\u201d because  they\u2019re hanging out with a new group of friends.**  \n>  \n>**From my point of view, that\u2019s the mental disability. From yours\u2026its normal.**\n\n​\n\nThis resonated with my own life experiences so much. I've always, as long as I can remember, been basically immune to peer pressure. I found that other people who succumb to peer pressure were \"weird\" to me. I couldn't relate.\n\nI wanted to have friends and be a part of social activity too, but I don't understand the incentive to hurt myself (smoking, drinking, etc) in order to \"fit in.\" It just seemed stupid to me, and I couldn't understand why other kids would do stuff like that.\n\nAs he says at the end of the response, to me, that ability to be molded influenced by others feels like a mental disability to me... but NT people that as \"normal\" behavior, and label my behavior as \"disordered.\"\n\nLike he says, \"**It must be painful and  frustrating to know you are prone to being convinced to do stupid things  simply because you desperately want to be liked by a group of  acquaintances and strangers.\"**\n\nAnd yeah, that's kinda how I always felt as a kid, and even now. But being older now, I can look at it all a bit more wide-lens, in a sense. What I mean is: rationally, I can understand why conformity might be useful in some situations.\n\nFor example, as a kid, a lot of my peer group got really into skateboarding. I thought skateboards were cool, but I also didn't want to break a bone, so I never got into it personally. As a result, I got left behind by my peer group. I understand how NT kids might have put aside their fear of broken bones in order to \"fit in\" -- and the result would have been learning a new skill, making friends, and having bonding experiences -- a positive side to conformity.\n\nBut me, as a kid, I was oblivious to this. Only now looking back does it seem obvious. But my brain just doesn't work that way naturally.\n\nLikewise, the same with smoking cigarettes and other \"normal\" substance related stuff as a teenager. I was definitely \"that kid\" who would say \"smoking is bad for your health and causes cancer,\" and found myself unable to relate to why anyone my age would find it appealing. But it seems NT people are willing to hurt themselves to \"fit in\" with certain crowds. This same concept pretty much entirely explains \"hazing rituals\" in colleges and other exclusive social groups -- again, all behaviors that are totally alien to me, but I can kinda understand them \"objectively\" at a distance.\n\nAnd this also basically explains why as a kid, I often felt like watching other kids/people was like watching an animal documentary -- Like I wasn't a part of the same species -- because their mentality and conformity was entirely alien to me.\n\nBeing 29 years old now, looking back on my life, I can see that some of my happiest most fun moments were when I \"let loose\" and conformed to a group. But again, just due to the structure of my brain, even in those moments, I still had to \"rationally decide\" to let loose and conform -- it's just not a behavior that comes naturally to me.\n\nI have to use **real mental energy** to make a decision about conforming or not -- and when you realize this, it makes ***total perfect sense*** why socializing is so mentally draining for people like us. Because socializing is still an overly intellectualized and rational experience to us -- it just doesn't come \"naturally\" like it does for NTs (for better or worse).\n\nI feel like my lack of group-think and inability to lie is at the heart of basically all of my social struggles throughout my life. Because the constant lying and conforming is the most baffling of NT behavior to me. But I'm also naturally able to see how that same \"advantage\" also hurts NTs (its how cults and other stuff are formed), and can also be a \"disadvantage\" for them.\n\nKnowing this now, what do I do with this new found realization?\n\nI'm not sure. But I feel like a flood gate of new understanding was just opened for me.\n\nWhat are your thoughts and experiences on this matter?", "answer": "This was fascinating, and I really related. Thanks so much for sharing. \n\nIt's interesting to me that you mention cults. In the past I've thought people with Aspergers might be more prone to cults because of naivety and an affinity for rituals and defined rules/structure. But I agree about the relative immunity to groupthink. So now I'm wondering if people with Aspergers would instead be less likely to join cults? Or maybe it's just that people with Aspergers would be vulnerable to cults for different reasons than NT? E.g., people with Aspergers might be most drawn by the stated ideology of the cult (especially if it's something that sounds really good in theory) and maybe their belief in the cult leader specifically (who are often very charismatic and charming), whereas NTs are more drawn by the group aspect and their desire to conform. Would people with Aspergers more readily defect from a cult and more readily detect that they are in a cult? I feel like this would be such an interesting area of study to better understand ASD vs. NT social drives!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "gvxjfl", "comment_id": "fsrmzpp"}, {"question": "I'm meeting my dad after years of not seeing him.", "description": "When I was young, my dad and my mum began to have issues within their marriage. However instead of being able to fix it, my dad stayed in the house less and less until eventually he stopped coming altogether. \n\nI've always had a close relationship with him since I was young and I kept in contact with him through email, and he does send me gifts and such for my birthday. \n\nThe same cannot be said for my brother, who hates dad for abandoning us. He rejected all attempts at connecting with dad, and still refuses to talk about him. I suppose, in a way, I'm the only person who still talks to my dad and maintains a family bond out of my family.\n\nMy dad has been trying to arrange a setting for me and him to meet up, perhaps eat at a restaurant. But although I'm happy to meet him, the lack of contact other than digital makes me anxious for what to do/say on the day. We haven't talked or met in around 5 years in real life, and I've experienced puberty and my body has matured throughout those years. I'm afraid he'll be thrown off by it, and it'll be the most uncomfortable meeting. Can anyone offer advice on what to talk about/what to do to repel any nerves on it?", "answer": "If you've stayed in touch it will go well. Just be yourself and trust your instincts. The right words will come out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhk9m", "comment_id": "dii95c3"}, {"question": "Can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?", "description": "\n20F, 5\u20198, 145lbs, Indian\n\nPrimary Complaint: Anxiety\n\nDuration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) \n\nCurrent medical issues: Iron deficiency anemia\n\nMedications: None\n\ndrugs/smoking/drinking: Never used\n\nI have an appointment coming up this Friday. I want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety Ive had for years.  It\u2019s through Kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone I know, I keep coming across bad stories about Kaisers mental health services. I don\u2019t want to reach out and try if it\u2019s going to be for nothing.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. Anxiety is what I want to treat first.", "answer": "A primarily doctor may treat anxiety. Whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it\u2019s reasonable to ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dz7wnq", "comment_id": "f85wzpf"}, {"question": "I am trapped in that cycle and I don't know how to get out of it.", "description": "There are so many interlinked problems in my life I don't know where to begin: I don't feel loved by anyone at the moment, so I want to find a girl to be in a relationship with, but most girls don't like dating guys who are unemployed, possible gambling addicts who drink and smoke like a chimney in the rain. I could find a job, and I have been trying, but after upwards of a few thousand job applications over 6 years, 99.99% of which come back with a form letter has crushed my spirit.\n\nEven after finding work it's usually somewhere that gives me panic attacks and anxiety, which because I haven't kept in check for a long time means I've gotten to the ultimate catch 22, where I'm too anxious to find a new doctor to give me a referral to a therapist and a script.\n\nI hate being alone so much. It's literally painful. Constant, 24/7 level 3 physical pain for months on end, that drinking, gambling and spending money solves for about ten minutes and then I feel twice as bad. However, all of my actions just drive me further and further from people. Literally half of my life so far has been spent with an absolute crushing sense of loneliness, where I often don't feel real, like this world isn't real and that my body is just a shell. I fantasise about someone saving me, but hey, who the fuck who want to save me?", "answer": "It would be advisable to address the gambling; if you're feeling emotionally vulnerable, you're at great risk for the gambling problem to grow stronger until it completely takes over your life.  Please explore local resources, as there is often help for gambling problems that folks simply aren't aware exists; let us know if you need guidance in that area.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1emngv", "comment_id": "ca1qdol"}, {"question": "Can my GP give me acne medication or should I see a dermatologist?", "description": "I just curious if family docs commonly give meds/ treatments for acne or if I should see a dermatologist. I've never gotten my medical treatment before so idk what it's like\n\n19 female 125lbs", "answer": "You can always ask your GP. Many are probably comfortable with treating acne; it's a very common complaint. Your GP might refer you to a dermatologist if your acne is particularly bad or if standard first-line treatments aren't effective.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e84r2e", "comment_id": "fa97si7"}, {"question": "Is there a term ( attention seeking/narcissism? ) for someone who consistently needs to interject themselves somehow into every situation or national news story?", "description": "My aunt (57) has always been the dramatic type but it seems like it\u2019s gotten beyond the typical crisis/drama queen behavior. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s to the point of suggesting therapy to her. \nShe has always had some attention seeking qualities but nothing to cause more than a few eye rolls at family reunions because she is also very kind  and generous. Over the past couple of years though  it has become impossible to have a conversation with her without there being some (perceived ) crisis or drama. Much of it over things beyond her control, not her responsibility or very minimal I.e. a step-grandchild\u2019s 2nd grade poor report card required a middle of the working day emergency phone call to discuss what an awful job her parents are doing ( they\u2019re not) and how she needs to live with them and she will fix it (not gonna happen) Every time there is a major local or national news story she has to somehow interject herself into it and call/post about it. ( \u201cI can\u2019t sleep!! My friend\u2019s son (who I\u2019ve never met) lives (somewhere) near Minneapolis! I hope he\u2019s ok!!\u201d And I cant count the number of tearful phone calls regarding the acquaintance who had Covid-19 and was critically ill. Yes it\u2019s tragic but I thought she was describing a close friend or family member based on her reaction. A plane had to make an emergency landing and she had \u201cjust flown that airline last month!! It could have been me on there!!\u201d True stories. \nShe also knows a semi-famous person and for years her cover photo has been of her and (semi celebrity) not her husband or family. \nI know she\u2019s an adult and her behavior isn\u2019t malicious or dangerous but I know it\u2019s unhealthy and is interfering with her work and her husband doesn\u2019t want to talk about it. \nIs there a term for this? Is it a personality trait or disorder? Should she be getting help? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Rather than focusing on what you think may be the cause of he behavior, you may get further by focusing on how it causes distress in her life . What is happening at work?\n\nI don't know enough to say what it going on. I don't know her background and history,  and have never observed here . My opinion is just an idea based on what you shared :  The examples you shared give me the impression that she may be trying to connect with others.  There is nothing particularly grandiose or exciting,  but these stories are relatable because everyone understands the reference and is in the loop.  It sounds like a way to stay relevant and to not worry about telling a boring story. There is a lot of intensity in these stories! At least in her mind , she always has something interesting going on.\n\nAnother reason I think this may be a misguided attempt to connect is that it works! At least one relative (you) picks up the phone over and over and listens.  You look at her social media , too . If these stories are gutting attention (,even an eye roll), that is working for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "guej4r", "comment_id": "fsi0tio"}, {"question": "bipolar", "description": "I have never truly felt centered. im 24 and everything ive ever attempted has failed or got messed up. im starting college soon so i can actually pursue my dreams but something has come up. i am someone who lives a very social life, yet i have the hardest times making connections with new people, even in environments that totally encourage it (raves, music festivals). I have become more aware of the increasing amount of social awkwardness that is accompanying me and I have recently took some test and did some research and i am almost positive i am bipolar. i probably always have been, and i just want to live a normal life and have normal social human interaction and not have to feel awkward.\n\nim starting with meditating more, i know thats the first step.\n\ndoes anyone have any suggestions on human behavior or something i should look into reading?", "answer": "First and foremost, if you think you have this, go see a professional ASAP. Bipolar disorder can wreck havoc in your life if it is not being actively managed.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rp4qb", "comment_id": "cdpj7l2"}, {"question": "Is this MRI scan from my front or back?", "description": "23 F 170 cm 50 kg. \n\nSorry if this is a dumb question. I have mild scoliosis as you will see in the scan, and I have an exercise to do on one side only depending on the direction of the curve. However the curve isn't visible on the outside, and I can't tell how the scan is oriented. [Here's the screenshot of the scan.](https://imgur.com/wDnP9aQ)\n\n​", "answer": "Images are always displayed with the same orientation. For saggital planes (think looking at a slice vertically between front and back) it\u2019s always with the right side of the body on the left side of the image, as if the viewer and the patient are facing each other.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b4wb31", "comment_id": "ej9wc2x"}, {"question": "I [20 M] am finally ready to have sex with my girlfriend [20 F] need some advice.", "description": "Hi Reddit came here to ask for your wise advice. Since I have very few people who I can talk about this without being judged. Here I go...\n\n\n\nSo I've been with my girlfriend for four years now and I really truly love her, but the thing is we've never had sex... I know what you might be thinking \"4 YEARS & NO MOTHAFUCKIN SEX?\" but it is really hard for me to get physical for personal reasons.\n\n\n\nWe are both virgins (as far as I know) and I truly love her and I have finally feel ready for the good stuff, but the truth is that I'm really scared and this is why.\n\n\n\nFirst of all I have no idea how, when nor when. How can I start dropping the hints without being so awkward?(important to say we've never seen each other completely naked) I really want her to be as comfortable as she wants without being pressured. Where should we do it? and when? We never seem to be in a convenient place, and I want it to be as romantic as possible, maybe some candles and shit you know?\n\n\n\nSecond, I am really scared of pregnancy, I know that chances are really low, but what if she actually gets pregnant? I don't know if she would abort (and I don't know if I would either) and I don't want to fuck her life up with a child (she is still in college studying to be a doctor), she deserves the best life. So should I just finish off outside or what?\n\n\n\nThird and most important. She scares the hell out of me, her expectations and her feelings. I don't know if it's true, but I've heard throughout all my life that sex hurt women on their first time and that it is pretty uncomfortable . I don't want her to get hurt and I want her to have a hell out of a time. So... ladies is that true? Did it really hurt the first time? Is there anything I can do so it doesn't hurt? What can I do so she has a good time? what do you ladies enjoy? I am really scared of what she thinks afterwards I just want her to feel respected and loved. How can I do that?\n\n\n\nReddit I've reached the point in where I don't care how fun is it for me, but I want it to be perfect for her. Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out.", "answer": "that's a good approach. make sure it's comfortable. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1mmx", "comment_id": "dcfy6l7"}, {"question": "okay, I'm just starting college and i've already met this girl. I asked her to go to coffee and she said yes.", "description": "I dont know how to approach things now, I find her extremely attractive and feel like I could be in a relationship with her.  we havent gone out yet but i dont want to screw things up, any advice on what to do?", "answer": "Slow your roll, son.\n\nA date is good, but that's all it is.  You're literally at *step one* of the Get to Know You Game.  The purpose of the date is to learn if you enjoy each other's company, and there's nothing wrong with finding out that you don't.  Lower your expectations of what constitutes a \"good date.\"\n\nAuthenticity is key.  Talk about the things that interest you, don't stress about appearing \"cool\", and let things flow naturally.  You might be nervous; most people are.  That's fine and just let it happen.\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1l7753", "comment_id": "cbwiuuo"}, {"question": "Over the past month, I've hit a snag whenever I reach Day 3. This is the morning of Day 4. I'm just here to check in.", "description": "Days 3, 4 and 5 seem to be the days I drink. I think that's when the \"voice in my head\" - I call her Al - starts to panic. Al starts playing all kinds of head games with me. \n\nSo yeah. I haven't reached Day 4 in, like, a month. Yesterday, I commented to promise myself I'd see Day 4.\n\nSo now, I'm promising myself I'll reach Day 5. Al's probably going to start playing all kinds of tricks, though. Maybe some yoga and a good run will shut her up.\n\nNot today, Al.", "answer": "Keep untangling the trap and trust that you\u2019ll break free one day. My current streak is 250 times longer than my 2nd longest streak. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aavwh6", "comment_id": "ecvnmp2"}, {"question": "Girl problem", "description": "I was seeing this one girl over the summer and everything was going good and then one day she went back to her ex boyfriend. About a week and a half ago she messaged me saying that she missed me and that she really did like me. We talked one day and she said it was a huge mistake by leaving me and that she thought about me a lot. Then we started to see each other again and it was going great, we went to a party and she was hugging me and holding hands the whole time, I met her family again and at the ends of the night we were kissing. About last week wednesday she started to act weird and distant, when I would get close to her or touch her she would move away. Something happened to one of her fam members and she started to act even more distant. I haven't spoken to her since friday and she told me we were moving too fast and that she needs space. Does anyone know what this can mean?", "answer": "you have to respect people's wishes for space.  it's hard to know what's going on in anyone's head.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pxleg", "comment_id": "dculx17"}, {"question": "Therapist Bias?", "description": "I went to a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She was great, but when I mentioned my questions about BPD and possibly getting diagnosed she got very apprehensive. She said she tries to refrain from diagnosing people with personality disorders because it is a lifelong issue that is difficult to cure. When I tried to explain my concerns that I fit all 9 symptoms of BPD she basically told me that I just don't seem like I have BPD from talking to me. I have been reading a lot online about the stigma behind BPD, even in the mental health community, and I'm not sure what to do. \n\nHas anyone else experienced bias from mental health professionals in the beginning of their treatment? How did you get passed it?", "answer": "Sounds like you have a strong pro-BPD bias. Some clinicians never use BPD as a diagnosis because of the increased chance of hardship and death to the client. Others don't do it because they aren't sure BPD exists as described in diagnostic manuals. Many other therapists won't diagnose a PD within the first year or two of therapy because they have to work through the other possibility. \n\nEveryone has a bias with BPD, just that some have a bias away from it. \n\nThat being said. Make sure you get a shrink with DBT knowledge/ training", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7lkpm5", "comment_id": "drn1v6y"}, {"question": "People say \"Get help\", but... how?", "description": "USA\n\nI'm looking for help, but I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go either lists dozens/hundreds of professionals and I don't know which one to pick, or they just say \"If you're distressed, reach out for help\". I'm trying to reach out for help and I don't know how. What do I do? Where do I go?", "answer": "Hello! It can be difficult sometimes weeding out the type of help you want and who you might want to see to talk about some mental health concerns you are having. Here are some tips to narrow down your potential selection a bit:\n\n1. Think about what specifically you are looking to get help FOR. Often times people will say \"depression\" \"anxiety\" \"anger\" etc. and not elaborate further. Really getting specific here will give you language you will want to look for in looking through professional sites/profiles and asking them questions. For example, with something like \"depression\"- \"I want to feel less sad\" \"I want to learn ways to get more sleep\" \"I want to get interested in things again\" \"I want to think less about dying.\" etc. Keep those key-words handy.\n2. What does your financial situation look like? How might you be wanting to pay for services? Do you have/want to use insurance? Sliding scale cash pay ok? Do you need free services? That will greatly narrow down who you are able to see and will also influence the places you will go to look for potential providers. Note that sliding scale cash pay will allow you to see the widest variety of people. \n3. Do you have any ideas about the type of PERSON you might be comfortable talking to? Maybe a specific age range? Male or female? Maybe from a particular spiritual or racial background? Someone who states they have experience with your specific concerns? That will also greatly narrow down. Also, think about how FAR you are willing to travel for services; some zip codes have a higher number of providers than others. \n\nTaking all of these into account, you will weed out 85-90% of the hundreds you might find through a simple Google search. From there, you can start to peruse the list of people that are left. I recommend sending them an e-mail or calling them to ask about how they operate or look through their websites to see which of them pique your interest.\n\nSome potential sites you can use to help filter out your selections:\n\n[www.psychologytoday.com](https://www.psychologytoday.com)\n\n[www.goodtherapy.org](https://www.goodtherapy.org)\n\nYou can type in your zip code, and then select all the appropriate filters from the answers to the above questions, and it will show you the ones who meet your criteria. Note that not everyone is on these sites, but I would say a good portion of them in the US probably are on at least one.\n\nAlso, if you are looking to use your insurance, hop on your client portal site and do a search of providers in the area who take your insurance policy. Be sure to CONFIRM WITH THEM that they do before scheduling any appointment. You can cross reference what you find on your insurance portal with their website or psychologytoday/goodtherapy page. \n\nOne more thing, especially if you are looking for lower cost services, if you have a local behavioral health facility, sometimes they offer outpatient services. If they are federally funded/non-profit, they generally have more of an ability to give you a generous sliding scale rate (aka super cheap) for services. Do note, though, that these places are often booked solid and you may have a long wait period in getting an appointment/scheduling follow-ups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "da0fjc", "comment_id": "f1mhxn5"}, {"question": "Please can everyone comment their story I want to get to know how your depression started", "description": "Mine started 6 years ago, I want to kill myself because this girl I love which was the last thing I had to live for won't come out anymore. \n\nEveryday is a struggle and I feel physically sick of the thought of never getting this girl and the thought of having to go through another day of pain and suffering.\n\nAll I want is a normal life like others around me, I want to be able to go out with friends and this girl and be happy.\n\nI want to live but not in this way only with a girlfriend who loves me. \n\nPlease let me know your story, I'm so low right now it hurts.", "answer": "I\u2019ve had depression since I was eleven.  It\u2019s really hard to live with but with therapy, medication, and support from loved ones we can do it.  There is so much to life.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9puzea", "comment_id": "e84fufa"}, {"question": "When do I [22F] bring up the topic of continuing the relationship past the summer with him [23M]", "description": "I met this guy about a month ago and we've been seeing each other regularly, problem is he's only here visiting his family for the summer. So far the relationship is really good, nothing is official but we have a lot of fun, communicate regularly and when we hangout it's amazing. \n\nI'm just wondering when I should bring up the topic of exclusivity and possibly seeing where things go after the summer is over? Is this even something I should bring up or should I just enjoy the rest of the summer with him before he leaves and wait for him to bring it up? \n\nTL;DR: Been hanging out with a guy for a month who's only in town visiting his parents for the summer, would like to continue the relationship, how/when/if do I bring it up? ", "answer": "People on reddit are very afraid, for some reason, about speaking up pro-actively about what they want and need, and asking the other what they feel and what they want and need. So the answer is NOW~ Good luck", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6meum8", "comment_id": "dk0zv6e"}, {"question": "Please help me- I'm on lamotrigine and vyvanse. My provider is not returning my calls and I'm about to run out of my medication. What do I do?", "description": "Sorry this isn't your typical question. \n\nF20, 5'5, 110lbs, mixed (hispanic/ashkenazi jewish)\n\n​\n\nI have Bipolar 1 Affective disorder and I've been on Lamotrigine (100mg interval)  for a while now and vyvanse 40mg for 4 years now. \n\n​\n\nMy provider will not answer my calls or emails and I'm about to run out of my medication and I'm scared. He was the only one I could see in such a short notice when I first moved here and he's been pretty awful. Every single provider is booked for months here. \n\n​\n\nHe never really remembers who I am (confuses details of patients with me, has the wrong notes, tries to sell me weird supplements and books) \n\n​\n\nI don't know what to do in this situation. I called all of the free clinics in my state (hawaii) \n\nand all of them said they couldn't write me a prescription.  \n\n​\n\n​\n\nI don't know what to do please help. I'm in between a support system, visa, and I'm applying to university. ", "answer": "Running out of Vyvanse might not be good, but it's not going to be an immediate problem. It's also one of the controlled substances that people show up trying to acquire. If you haven't already, I'd try tailoring your search and seeing if there's any clinic or provider willing to just prescribe lamotrigine. That's the one that's a bigger problem both if you run out and if you need to restart it.\n\nOtherwise I have no solution for you. Someone needs to prescribe or you don't have medications.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m1vvg", "comment_id": "e7b8gzf"}, {"question": "Sudden delirium followed by persistent delusion in my previously healthy aging father.", "description": "My aging Dad lives independently, is healthy, and hasn't shown any cognitive issues aside from some minor memory things, which likely go along with aging.  10 days ago he was found in delirium in the hallway of his apartment complex, unable to open his door and not making sense.  He was brought to hospital, where the delirium remained for about 3 days.  Every test has been run, and there is yet no answer as to why this happened.  Urinalysis, blood test, chest x-ray, CT, and contrast MRI all came back clear, except for a small spot on his lungs, which they later believed to be early pneumonia.  IV antibiotics, fluids, and oxygen cleared that up as well as balanced his electrolytes, yet his still remains partially delusional.  He has been on Haldol for most of this time, which lessened the agitation, but left him very flat.  He was taken off Haldol yesterday, and I noticed an increase in the strange things he was saying (delusions: connections between things and patterns that don't make sense).  There just seems to be no answer as to why this happened or what is wrong.  I do know that prior to him being found in the hallway, he had not eaten, drank, or slept for around 24 hours.  Here is the required information.  Any help is so appreciated.\n\n​\n\nAge: 80\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 5'6'\n\nWeight: \\~145 lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration of complaint: 10 days\n\nExisting medical issues: High blood pressure, sleep apnea\n\nCurrent meds: blood pressure regulation, uses a CPAP machine for sleep", "answer": "Sometimes it can take weeks for delirium to fully resolve, and it's not always obvious what the trigger was. It could have been a self-limited infection that did it, but the answer may never be clear. Still, with more time most people return to how they were prior.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajqlyf", "comment_id": "eextpmo"}, {"question": "What would you ask a 96 year old?", "description": "My gram turns 96 at the end of the month...since I am one of the family who loves to talk with her, I was trying to think of good things to ask her. She's a feminist, voter, singer, artists and worked when most women her age were home-makers. Her parents were both Finnish immigrants, and she is bilingual. So what would you ask?", "answer": "What do you regret most or wish you had done in your lifetime?\n\nWhat are you proud that you did in your lifetime?\n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48y1ac", "comment_id": "d0nk3id"}, {"question": "Boyfriend with lack of ambition", "description": "So I'm in college and have been dating this guy who also goes to school with me for one year. In my last relationship, my ex was very ambitious and studying was his #1 priority (didn't work out bc he cheated). Current boyfriend overall treats me well, takes me out, doesn't get crazy jealous and gives me plenty of space to do my own thing. But it bothers me so much that he rarely studies until the last second and does the bare minimum to get by. I am graduating in a year, and he would be too if he didn't have to retake multiple classes from his freshman year (before I met him) and has a bad gpa from that. He hasn't gotten anything below a B since I've known him, but he still barely does anything and only takes the minimum each semester for full time. This being said, he has worked at the same place for over 2 years (20-25 hours/wk)? Let me make it clear that he lives at home so he doesn't pay for living expenses and his parents bought his car. He has money of his own for extra spending and food/gas but his mom has plenty of money and would willingly help him out with that stuff too if he didn't work as much as he did. But it is not a very demanding job and it has nothing to do with what he is studying. He always makes the excuse that he's tired or he just doesn't care and goes and hangs out with friends a lot. He just got another job a few months ago but it is only another couple days a week for half a day, and it is a family thing so he can choose and pick when he goes. When I try to tell him he needs to study he just blows me off, and when I told him he should find an internship and make that a priority over his job he took offense and said it's important that he's consistent at the same job. I'm fully dependent on my parents financally but I take a heavy load every semester and get good grades. I'm worried because I'm making plans to apply to grad schools while he is just floating by and who knows if he will even graduate a semester after I am. Am I overthinking this? If not, is there another way I could gently encourage him to prioritize better?", "answer": "a legitimate concern. will he grow like you are.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6avbth", "comment_id": "dhhqy7x"}, {"question": "I've gone a month without cutting", "description": "I have dealt with depression for almost a year, and I started struggling with self-harm about 5 months ago. I found cutting to be like pressing a release valve, and I began to resort to it whenever I felt particularly miserable. For a long time, I thought that it wasn't really that bad, since as long as I didn't tell anyone, I wasn't doing any harm to anyone except myself. \n\nIn the past month, I have been trying really hard to remind myself that I need to take care of myself, and my health is just as important as that of the people around me. It has been very difficult - I still think about cutting when I am feeling really bad and I often struggle to realize that the self-deprecating thoughts that constantly float around in my head are not true, and I do have at least some sort of worth. \n\nMy best friends have also been incredibly supportive, and I appreciate that a lot. They remind me that I don't have to struggle alone, and that they believe in me to get better. I am proud of myself for managing to avoid resorting to self-harm for at least one month. It may not seem like that much time, but nevertheless I am glad to have made some progress.", "answer": "Well done! Proud of you!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cq59mv", "comment_id": "ewua3dj"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Ask your therapist, as this may vary by location and license .\n\nI can only hospitalized someone if they have a plan and intent to harm themselves.  In the US, most hospitals don't have the capacity to take people in general,  there is not much they can do for someone who is not at risk for immediate harm .\n\nYour suicidal thoughts are important to discuss and process . I always feel really sad when someone is scared to bring it up. In most circumstances,  if you say you have suicidal thoughts with no plan or intent , there is no issue . A therapist will also want to know the reasons you won't do it right now and what you can do to stay safe if something changes .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqagi8"}, {"question": "Girlfriend broke up with me and need advice.", "description": "Hey guys, my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. A little background story:\nI'm away in a different town for college, and so is she. We met at the beginning of school and hit things off. We have been girlfriend and boyfriend for quite some time now and i thought things were great. Until, she called me one night and broke up with me. Reason : She said that she still had feelings or thinks she still loves her ex boyfriend. She dated this guy for 2 years prior to us and broke up with him about 2 months before we starting seeing each other. She told me that she broke up with him because she felt that she didn't love him for the last 3 months of their relationship and only thought of him as her best friend  & because she was moving away to college. The thing is, I'm new to serious relationships and would consider this girl my first love. Honestly I believe I have become addicted to this girl, actually addicted. She is always running through my mind no matter what I do, sometimes distracting. She told me she loved me before I did actually, it was a pretty big deal and I love her too. Everything has been going great for a while but she said that she felt guilty having feelings for 2 people and was nostalgic of her past relationship. She did not want to hold on to me, even though she loves me or if she feels this way towards 2 people. She  felt guilty and didn't want to hurt me in the long run if those feelings never went away for her ex.  She said she had to be selfish and wants to be single for a while to figure things out. Now, were both back in our hometowns away from each other and I'm pretty sure she's going to hang out with him. Well actually, I am sure she is. Hanging out with him is just going to make her love him more. She says she's not going to be with me or him. Which makes sense since he lives far away also. Do i just forget about us ever getting back together or move on? The only thing keeping me thinking were going to get back together one day is all the great memories we had, how could she just throw that all away?\n\nWhen we are together we are so good together and the love is there so how could she feel this away about him again? I understand they had a long relationship, but she doesn't see him ever so how do those feelings come back? \n \nI just do not understand how she can regain that love for him when she has been with me the whole time and have been hitting things off. \n\nSee, in my head I still feel like we have something that shouldn't be thrown away so fast. I want to get over her but theres still a part of me telling me to hold on. I always question myself whether she really loved me or just had really strong feelings for me. How could she just throw me out of her life like that if she truly loved me? I understand she felt guilty and had to be selfish but so many questions go through my head.  I'm not sure whether I should just move on and really try to get over her or hold on a little bit.I have been struggling for the past week with anxiety and just pure sadness that everything we had is over and was a waste. Honestly, I have gained some type of obsession over all of this constantly putting bad thoughts and situations in my head, just needing answers.  I always continue thinking about the good memories and miss them so god damn much. The thought of her hooking up with people hurts me so much. Part of me says to not talk to her and she will realize what she lost and miss me but the other part tells me if I don't talk to her she will get over it. Simply, \" distance makes the heart grow fonder\" or \" out of sight, out of mind\"\n\nAnother dilemma is, when we go back to school I know were probably not going to get back together right away(if we ever do) and I will have to see her hook up with other guys at parties. We go to the same exact parties every single weekend because we have the same friend group, it's unavoidable, trust me. I want to hook up with other girls in order for me to get over the break up and not love her anymore but I just can't seem to find the interest in any girls but her.\n\nI don't know what to do and need some advice. I would love for some pure honesty, whether it hurts or not, I need it. Or if this same situation has happened to anyone. \n\nSorry this is long but thanks so much.", "answer": "the best way to get over someone is to cease contact. otherwise you're constantly pouring salt on a healing wound.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3lwc", "comment_id": "dc0jqbe"}, {"question": "Should i up to 50mg of sertraline", "description": "Age:18\nMale\nSuffer severe anxiety and panic disorder \n\nHey my doctor prescribed me 50mg a day of sertraline and i decided to ease myself in by starting on 25mg as my body is sensitive and im very scared of taking new meds , ive been taking this for 4 days now and feel ready to up to the 50mg, is this okay to do now?", "answer": "In brief, unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, yes. It's common to start at 50 mg.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f01yem", "comment_id": "fgqzktb"}, {"question": "Anybody here use cinnamon supplements?", "description": "How much do you take a day? \nHow long have you been taking it?\nHas it helped you?\nWhat improvements have you seen, if any?\n\nI'm thinking of taking cinnamon supplements but I would like some advice/feedback from some of my fellow cysters. Thanks ladies! :)", "answer": "Cinnamon is a treatment for PCOS in Chinese medicine. I tried it and it makes me feel a lot better. I don't know if you'd need to take it every day; I didn't-- I just incorporated it into my food about twice a week and it just really warmed me up.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ma0k1", "comment_id": "cvdalx8"}, {"question": "How do mental health therapists ensure that clients follow a behavioural change program?", "description": "I'm not a psychologist, but I'm just curious as to how therapists ensure that in their behaviour change program (such as quitting drugs), clients actually adhere to it, given that they only meet their client once or twice a week? Changing someone's habits is really difficult, so I'm just wondering what strategies you use to ensure that clients don't drop out  or go into relapse as easily, or encourage them to change.", "answer": "There's no way to ensure that a client follows a program.  No therapist has the power to change anyone, we only have the power to assist someone in changing themselves.  If they aren't ready or willing to put the work in that's required, there's really nothing we can do.  \n\n\nNow, while we can't assure that anyone follows a program, there are some things that we can do to increase the likelihood.  Setting firm boundaries, expectations, and consequences are very important.  Communication and consistency is key.  For substance abuse issues, it can be really helpful to do random drug screens to keep the clients honest.  While relapse happens, it may be a requirement that the client is honest.  If they reported no use, then tested positive, it may warrant being kicked out of the program.  \n\n\nIn my opinion, holding folks accountable to what your expectations are with the ultimate consequence of terminating with them is the best way to influence them to follow whatever program you have.  For many, this will lead to termination, but if they really want to work with you and achieve their goals, they might return at a future date more ready and willing to follow the program.  For others, it's better to terminate and stop wasting both yours and their time.  Just make sure you're providing referrals to other therapists whenever doing this.  While it isn't unethical to terminate with a client for not following along with your expectations, it is unethical to terminate with them without offering them information on other places they can go.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ctgb8l", "comment_id": "exkvnfp"}, {"question": "It's too bad we can't trade places with someone who actually wants to live but is dying...", "description": "People everywhere who are dying of horrible diseases like cancer, who want so badly with every fibre of their being to live just one more day. Personally when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll just be disappointed I didn't die in my sleep. The universe is a fucked up, backwards, paradoxical place, I won't miss it when I go.", "answer": "You can help others in other ways than trading places.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4f8qs", "comment_id": "ej6lvoo"}, {"question": "Everyone else's lives will go back to being enjoyable when COVID-19 blows over while I'll still be just as miserable", "description": "I have nothing to look forward to. No one will be excited to see me when this over. My life won't improve and I'll still be an awkward loser.", "answer": "That's a really hard place to be in. Maybe you can use this time to read some books by or for people with Aspergers and get some ideas for how you might build a better life for yourself despite having Aspergers? There are lots of books out there, a few that come to mind are Look Me In The Eye, Uniquely Human, and Temple Grandin's books.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "fv35pw", "comment_id": "fmgbo9e"}, {"question": "therapist doesnt want me working?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I don't know that it would be a red flag. What makes you say that? Are you concerned some type of fraud is going on?\n\nIf she is offering to do the paperwork necessary for SSI, that is pretty cool. \n\nI don't know enough to say that you should or shouldn't,  just not exactly certain what is rubbing you the wrong way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hu8mub", "comment_id": "fym3zp2"}, {"question": "Adult ADHD first appointment Monday", "description": "Did that title rhyme? \n\n​\n\nBig thanks to this subreddit I've found so many helpful techniques and ways to prevent my ADHD of getting the best of me.  reading about everybody's stories has help me prevent things before happening and i find myself giving my ADHD the middle finger more lately and it feels good.\n\n​\n\nGoing to a appointment with a LMHC, \n\nWhat i expect out of my appointment \n\n\u00ba Getting diagnosed \n\n\u00ba Coping mechanisms for anxiety and sometimes i get depressed.\n\n\u00ba Figure more about whats going on.. sounds dumb BUT my brain is my norm. Am I a typical brain or whats going on. What if i think im normal but what if my self-assessment is really bad.  Am I normal or a psycho-path (i don't think im a psycho-path thats just a example) \n\n\u00ba Homework or reference me to a more qualified specialist \n\n​\n\nI've always stayed away from doctors and therapist mainly because my parents never trusted doctors and pass that mentality onto me.  STAY AWAY FROM THEM DAMN PILL PUSHERS lol.... \n\nI am somewhat skeptical of seeing a counselor, I am excited but at the same time what are you going to do.. ask a whole bunch of questions i dont have the answers for?  A lot of helpful information on CBT is online \n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "The first appointment is usually an intake appointment, where they gather information to use for your treatment. Depending on the therapist, they may feel competent to treat ADHD or not. I know I sought out a specialist for ADHD treatment when I first started going to therapy.\n\nResearch has shown that the active ingredient in therapy is the relationship between client and counselor, not so much the actual techniques used. You might be able to find CBT stuff on the internet but the advantage of going to see a therapist is that the handouts will be tailored to your needs.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajvhl5", "comment_id": "eez7ta3"}, {"question": "BF [26/M]liked picture of ex Tinder hookup in bikini and I [24/F] feel disrespected but don't know if I'm making this into a bigger issue than it is.", "description": "I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year now. Halfway into our relationship, I found out that a friend of his had actually been a Tinder hookup. After this, she became the source of many problems. For example, the first problem was when she threw a party and my boyfriend didn't invite me to go along with him. We have had other problems because of her. My boyfriend says she is a great networking connection, which is why he insists on staying friends with her. I have never asked him to drop her as a friend because I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. He recently liked a picture of her in a bikini and I got really upset because I felt it was disrespectful to me. I also told him it seems like a disgusting thing to do when you have a girlfriend and know she has a problem with this girl. We spoke and he said he doesn't see how it is disrespectful to me and that he doesn't think this is a big deal. He tells me he likes me and is with me for a reason. He also said he barely talks to her as she no longer lives in the same state so not a big deal. Thoughts? Am I really just blowing this out of proportion? \nThank you in advance for your help! \n\nEDIT: To answer some questions.\n1. He is very selective of likes. \n2. The reason I knew this friend and him had a history before was because of his manner when he brought her up. I finally asked him and after quickly saying no, he admitted to their history. Her party happened about a week or two after this. . I was not invited to it. Later, when I asked why after a long argument, he blurted out that he just wanted to have fun and knew that if he brought me along, I would most likely want to leave the party early.\n3. Everyone has insecurities but I like to think I'm pretty secure when it comes to female relationships. His best friend is a female and I've never meddled in that friendship. They hang out without me often because I encourage him to maintain relationships without me. He also is friends with other girls and it's never been an issue. \n3. Not that long ago, I found out that they had not just slept together once but had actually dated for a few weeks and the reason it didn't continue was because she preferred to stay friends. Three months after,  he and I met. \n4. Like I said, the reason this is upsetting is because he doesn't think it is a big deal despite knowing how I feel about her. For months he said that he was just keeping her in his life as a networking connection but later admitted she was a friend in the true sense of the word. \n5. I have cut off two guys from my life when they showed interest in me and didn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend. I did it because I wanted my boyfriend to feel secure. (And no, he didn't ask me to.)\n6. I know she was sending him daily snapchats for a while and always commented on his posts. Once to ask him to visit her since he was in the area. Don't know what she sends him through Snapchat but I assume they're innocent snaps. ", "answer": "you said//I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. \n\nthis is a gigantic red flag!!!! why do you want to be with him????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqxud", "comment_id": "de43q3t"}, {"question": "Objectifying women & addiction to orgasms", "description": "I\u2019m sorry if I posting something that\u2019s not allowed.Its just I think my addiction has become a problem.I am a Hispanic male 19 years old ,5\u20194\u201d.\n\nIt 1st began in Junior high when my friend told me that he got a boner by looking at a girl.So I started looking up on girls on Instagram then would go home everyday just to get a boner to girls belly dancing.\nWhen it really began was 2 years when I got mad at a game and instead of raging I made myself calm down by forcefully squeezing my legs close to my privy then felt a good sensation.\n\nAll of a sudden I felt so horny all the time seeing these girls in my explorepage belly dancing.I thought it was sexy so I fapped to them.I can literally fap just looking at the way a girls stomach moves but it has to be moving.Also when I fap to a girls midriff they have to be at least a 4.On a scale of 1-10 hotness looks.\n\nSee what I mean.I need help because I do this every night twice.What kind of doctor do I need?\n\n", "answer": "Is this causing any problems in your life, like problems with school, relationships, work? How is your interaction with girls?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b99m1z", "comment_id": "ek3d65z"}, {"question": "Worsening chest pain for 2 weeks", "description": "19, female, UK. Been having wisdom tooth problems lately which means I've been on paracetamol for 4 months (ongoing), was on aspirin and tramadol mix for 3, switched to ibuprofen and tramadol mix but stopped ibuprofen and tram 2 days ago due to stomach issues. Thinking gastritis but mainly I don't feel hungry, can't tell when I need a crap, extreme nausea whenever hungry, thinking of food, eating and drinking (even a sip of water makes me wanna hurl), almost vomited yesterday and took me 3 hours to eat 3 slices of toast due to no appetite. I'm rather gassy too. I find eating sweet foods works best, mainly ice cream and yoghurts but I'm unsure all the dairy is best in my condition. Thought this may be linked so worth mentioning, though these symptoms appeared 2 days ago, almost 2 weeks later than my chest pains.\n\nDue to the wisdom tooth, I've been sleeping on my back, and due to a hip injury that's incredibly painful when I move my lower body, I've hardly been moving. Spending lots of time in bed, I can sleep through most of the day because of really bad fatigue, though i wake up every 3-6 hours in pain requiring more painkillers. I really struggle to sleep on my back as I used to always sleep on my right side. Sometimes I slept on my left but my stomach was unsettled and I sometimes woke up with mild chest pain, so nowadays I try sleep on my back despite discomfort. I have woken up around 7am a few times and flopped on my left side though, it was a tad more comfy, then woken up later and got angry at myself.\n\nSo, the actual pain. I've been having chest pain for 2 weeks, it slowly worsening over time, the past few days has been really bad and the past few hours it's at its worst. I've found neither paracetamol nor ibuprofen helped, I haven't tested in the past few hours. Right now I'm laying with my upper back on my pillow, my head propped up with blankets. It's sort of.. Hurting alongside my heart beat, like pulsating. Moving my arms above my shoulders and too far out cause a sudden surge of pain. As does lifting my head, twisting my upper body or doing any movement really. Laying down is slightly less painful than sitting up, sitting up unsupported is pretty painful. Pressing down on my chest also hurts it more. Even breathing in too heavily hurts. In comparison, the headaches I got from my wisdom tooth, I'd take paracetamol and it'd wear off in 2 hours. Right now this chest pain is actually helping me ignore that headache. I've been awake since 2am and I'm very tired but my chest pain is so painful I can't sleep. \n\nI'm sorry for the long post, I wanted to try be thorough. I'd go to the doctors but the risk of hurling is real and I don't want to risk it, I thought it'd be worth a shot here. Is it just muscle pain or something? It'd make sense as movements hurt but it's really damn painful for just pulled/strained muscles. I thought the stomach issues may be linked because of my throat and stomach acid, but like I said, this has been around longer. \n\nThank you for reading!\n\nE before posting: I also just farted and peed myself a bit. Not much, but I guess I have a weak bladder too? I have this big list of symptoms but last 3 times I went to the doctors they shoved me out. I hope somebody can enlighten me on this issue, I'm desperate for anything lol. Thank you so much", "answer": "[Chest pain](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chest-pain/Pages/Introduction.aspx)\n\nSeen your GP about this? Could be lots of things, probably nothing sinister.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vowhj", "comment_id": "de4u11z"}, {"question": "Does alcohol and marijuana go hand in hand for alcoholics?", "description": "My brother recently finished a 45 day program at a rehab center and really seems to be turning his life around. He reported to me that his senses of taste, smell and feeling is coming back. His skin looks incredibly healthier, he stopped eating fast food as much. Recently though he started his marijuana use again and I know at all rehab centers that\u2019s grounds for readmission. He does have a marijuana card but I know that the rehab centers still would readmit for a positive THC test. \n\nMy question is, if he started marijuana again should I expect a relapse soon?", "answer": "Everybody\u2019s different, so it\u2019s hard to say. I can only speak for myself. I don\u2019t smoke weed at all and never was really into it, and I am definitely an alcoholic. However, if I were to use another drug or substance, I would probably be doing it to get out of myself and feel better or get some relief. It would only be a matter of time before I started drinking again because alcohol is the only thing that gives me the relief I am looking for.  Now, if he is prescribed it and is using for some sort of pain management due to a condition or disease, that\u2019s a different story. Still need to be careful obviously, but the motive for doing it would be different than to get high.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "bzavcf", "comment_id": "eqs476c"}, {"question": "Acquired Asperger's?", "description": "Can Asperger's be acquired through childhood due to a \"bad start\"? While this self-reinforcing pattern of Asperger's is undeniable, how would a normal person raised with little social interaction during that crucial period of social development, where plasticity is sufficient, to the extent that not only might the neurological faculties skip development but atrophy if not find themselves repurposed?", "answer": "There are a lot of reasons that this does not happen.  \n\nFirst, there is a strong genetic component to Asperger's.  People who are related to others with Asperger's, Autism, or even extreme introversion are much, much more likely to have Asperger's.  Of course, that doesn't mean all of them will get it.  One must be genetically vulnerable, and then environment can play its role in any number of ways.\n\nThis is called the diathesis-stress model of mental disorder.  There is diasthesis (biological/genetic/psychophysiological vulnerability) and then interactions with the environment (different types of \"stress\") ultimately determine if a disorder ultimately presents.  This is a concept similar to genotype (genetics) and phenotype (individual expression of genetics).\n\nIt is important to note here that no psychological disorder of any kind will be diagnosed unless it causes significant impairment of daily functioning.\n\nIn my case, although I had many symptoms of Asperger's for my entire life, I was not diagnosed until my late 20's.  Why? Because it wasn't until my 20's that the demands of life placed me outside of the comfort zone I had built for myself as a child. I found ways to fit into life as a child and teenager that were adaptive at the time, but no longer worked in adulthood.  Technically, I didn't have the disorder, but I had a genetic vulnerability for it.  In short, you don't need to diagnose someone until they need to be diagnosed.\n\nGetting to your question more directly: Children tend to be incredibly resilient, much more than they are credited for.  The type of social neglect that would cause a child that is not genetically vulnerable to Asperger's to have all of the required criteria for diagnosis of Asperger's would be so extreme that it would be impossible for ONLY those areas of behavior pertinent to Asperger's to be effected.\n\nThis is analogous to treating a specific illness with a drug.  Almost any drug administered for almost any illness effects many/most cells in the body, not just the ones related to the illness. So we get side effects.\n\nIn the same way it is impossible to send aspirin only to the brain cells causing a headache, it is impossible to neglect a child in precisely the right way to create the symptoms of Asperger's without also creating a number of other symptoms that would necessitate the diagnosis of a disorder other than Asperger's.  My best guess would be a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. \n\nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "19qsh1", "comment_id": "c8ql53b"}, {"question": "I love him but..", "description": "Please no judgement or grammar police.\n\nMy partner and I have been together for a couple of years now and we have a perfect little boy and 2 equally as perfect fur babies together. He's an amazing person, he works long days to provide for us, he spoils me more than I deserve and he's the best dad I've ever come across.. BUT.. I just don't think I'm interested anymore. And I feel absolutely horrible for feeling this way. He works 6am-7pm every day and I appreciate all the hard work he puts in for us. Part of me feels some resentment towards him. I've always been independent, whenever I was bored of a town I'd pack up and move to another. He's always had this dream of picture perfect family because his upbringing involved drugs, violence, selfish parents and gangs. I wanted to fulfill that dream for him because he deserves it but while I was busy doing that, I forgot about myself and how starting a family and losing my independence would affect me. I always worked alongside him so we were together 24/7 and travelling now all of a sudden I'm a stay at home mother, in the countryside and in a different country from our family and friends. Because of his long hours at work I'm quite comfortable with not having him around and it's really starting to show. He gets home from work and tries to start a conversation but I'm either shutting him down or on the phone talking to family or friends back in my home country and not spending any time with him. I criticise everything he says and I can sit in the same room as him for hours and not say a word to him. I find myself checking out other guys (which I have never done in the past) and imaging what it would be like being with someone else. I don't want to feel like this. I would never cheat on him and he doesn't deserve to have his family broken up after everything he's done for us. \n\nPlease someone give me some advice.. He's a good man and everyone takes him for granted and to be honest, lately I've been one of those people too. ", "answer": "you may be struggling with 'end of honeymoon syndrome'. that will happen in every relationship. make sure you REALLY don't love\nhim if you're moving on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a5k5c", "comment_id": "dhbuhdr"}, {"question": "Emotions", "description": "Don't ge tme wrong. I love most emotions, I don't even mind the occasional anxiety and fear. However, it is when these things go on longer than you want them to that they get really, really annoying.\nHow many of you would get a ctrl+alt+del function for yourselves if you could? ", "answer": "My ctrl+alt+del is taking a deep breath and telling myself that it's okay to feel my emotions completely... works like magic.  Sorry if it sounds cheesy.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14tj1x", "comment_id": "c7gbg9x"}, {"question": "My RE won't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin and androgen levels are normal. What now?", "description": "I've heard of a lot of people having luck with Metformin. I went to an RE to take a look at my ovaries and hormone levels. All of my hormone levels returned as normal but I still have cysts all over my ovaries and my periods are somewhat irregular. He said he can't prescribe me Metformin since my insulin is normal, there's no need.\n\nWhat can I do now?\n\nEdit: Thank you all. It feels really nice to talk to people about this. You've inspired me to seek a second opinion. I still want to lose 20 pounds before seeking other kinds of treatment because I've already  lost 30 pounds and that weight loss really improved my symptoms, so I want to see what losing the remaining 20 pounds would do. I'll be sure to post an update to the weight loss, and to the 2nd opinion.", "answer": "Inositol in a 40:1 ratio of myo to D-chiro.\n\nI couldn't tolerate metformin and started taking 2 g of that a day and have been having regular periods with no side effects, it's awesome! \n\nI've found this one to be the least expensive and is what I've been using:\n\n[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh\\_aui\\_detailpage\\_o01\\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DBX6NG2/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9w02en", "comment_id": "e9gyw1b"}, {"question": "When I hangout with people, I try to make sure we're more than 2 in total. Is this bad?", "description": "I dont think im socially awkward. I have no problem talking to people about deep topics or day to day topics, the problem is i dont know what to talk about. Im not a very interesting person in general, working on figuring out some hobbies for myself because i dont have any.\n\n​\n\nI work, gym, then go home and watch TV or spend hours on reddit, insta, etc. I have friends, we go out and its all good. But when im with just 1 person, I find difficulty coming up with topics to talk about and hence I try to have 2 people + me so they can generate conversation that I can join in. \n\n​\n\nIs this bad? What should i do to improve and have conversation topics?", "answer": "Read actual books. Books offer in-depth analysis and complex stories that will generate more interests compared to just scrolling and reading articles.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m truly curious about why this comment would get downvotes\u2014please feel free to explain! Books are wonderful, I\u2019m just not comprehending the downvotes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cji0vq", "comment_id": "evdg0j0"}, {"question": "What does it mean when someone looks at your chest when you talk to them ?", "description": "I'm a guy and both guys and girls sometimes glance at my chest when I talk to them, in skinny so I don't know why they would looking, is it a sign they like you?", "answer": "Glancing and staring are two different things.  A lot of people are just uncomfortable with sustained eye contact.  You can probably find at least 100 people on this sub that fall into that category so need somewhere to divert their eyes.  What you're noticing might just be their way of diverting their eyes due to their anxiety. \n\n\nSome of them could be checking you out, but it's really contextual.  I'd assume if that were the case it might be a little more obvious to you, say if they were doing this while flirting.  \n\n\nOr as Greywolf stated, it could be something as simple as they're admiring your shirt, or as Ross said, if you're taller than them a more comfortable line of sight.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8whlgd", "comment_id": "e1w2pe2"}, {"question": "Need help about a roommate and his puppy...", "description": "Original rent 500 including all utilities. Guy who rents room wanted a dog. I said 600/month total with adult dog, 700/month total with puppy. Guy works all night, and is constantly mandated for OT. Therefore, I'm constantly taking care of puppy for him. Is increase to 700 while a puppy unreasonable?", "answer": "Increase.  You are doing a work that they do at boarding places.  If it was me I would increase it more but that might cause them to move out haha ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48xh6g", "comment_id": "d0nk6zw"}, {"question": "Do psyhchiatrists usually diagnose patients within the hour of being seen for an intake appointment? I think I was wrongly diagnosed. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features not too long ago but I have yet to have a depressive episode.", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 87lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a while\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations, Raynaud's syndrome.\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\n\nHi, it's me again. The girl who said she didn't sleep for 30+ days. After, a couple of weeks after that post, I think I started sleeping at least 2-3 hours a day which is definitely better than how I was before that. I just feel like I'm all over the place. I feel like a bad person and people online call me a manipulator and abusive person. Their were a couple times this week that I have driven to a bridge but was unsuccessful finding parking to walk there and contemplate suicide. I even wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family. People think I'm doing all of this for attention online but I'm serious. I think I was either wrongly diagnosed or have both bipolar and bpd. I'm very impulsive as a person. I don't think I've had a depressive episode after the 30+ days of no sleep. \n\nI don't know if that has to do with my ADHD. I just also feel like it would be better for everyone around me as well as people I've talked to online that I leave this world. I think it would do everyone a favor. I think the reason why the last pshchiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder was because I had a time in the past where I would have a episodes of no motivation during school semesters or the summer. I have flunked so many times because of no motivation and just doubting myself as well as losing jobs due to not wanting to get out of bed or not wanting to go to work. Anxiety has also played a role. \n\nDuring the 30 days of no sleep, I went to the hospital multiple times because of the bad anxiety and sleeping issue. I think the spending issue could possibly be related to both bpd and bipolar disorder because I have not spend so much money like actually maxing out my credits cards all the time. Only time I did this was last month as well as the beginning of this month and last year during my birthday maybe. During last year, I made a post about being potentially schizphrenic because I was extremely terrified of my house and saw ghosts as well as heard things here and there. This year and last year I would hear my name being called at work or home but nobody would say it or nobody was there. I got kicked out of a university last year because my GPA was so bad for 3 semester's. \n\nI would self harm in the my car in the parking lot. I also do that sometimes out of anger, punishment, and sometimes to feel pain for no reason. I also have been on and off with being very hypersexual. I have never had sex before but I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling and am sorry about that. I probably missed a couple things. I would rather thing having borderline personality disorder to be surprising because I don't think I've ever been abused. Also, I forgot to mention during the time of not sleeping for 30+ days and other symptoms I was very irritable and snapped a couple times by breaking some of the items I really cherished. I drive when I'm really upset and sometimes recklessly or I'm like numb or zoned out. That happened yesterday. Almost got into a couple accidents the day I really thought I should end it. \n\nI also forgot to mention that during the 30+ days of no sleep I was hearing and seeing things here and there but nothing like last year. That was the worst time of my life. I would beg my parents to come home because I was so afraid of being home alone and getting attacked by something or someone. I'm not going to lie, I think drugs are poison but at the same time I want someone to help me. I'm just afraid. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. People online that I've talked to think I'm crazy because I overreacted about someone acting like me on my discord account and I thought I was genuinely being hacked and freaking out over it via text. So they banned me. I have really bad anger outbursts but it's usually when im provoked or when I feel like I'm being attacked most of the time or made fun of. I don't think I've been in a depressive episode after the 30 days of no sleep. \n\nAnyway, I'm sorry I'm all over the place. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. It's what people online tell me but all I want is for someone to help me and card about me. I'm seeing a neurologist another psychiatrist and another appointment at a hospital I think with a therapist in a couple weeks. I just want someones professional opinion on all of this. Am I a toxic person? I'm just frustrated with my entire life and just everything going on. I don't know what to do. I'm trying weed for the first time this week. I went to great lengths to get it because I think maybe it'll fix me.", "answer": "I\u2019d like to emphasize what u/psychick said but add that you should not use marijuana. If you have had any psychotic symptoms then marijuana is a high-risk drug to use. Please don\u2019t. It will not help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw7v6r", "comment_id": "ey8z5ic"}, {"question": "Answering \u201cHow are you?\u201d honestly", "description": "Anyone else ever feel like just answering \u201cnot good\u201d or just being really honest when being asked this question by strangers or acquaintances. There\u2019s people in my office who ask me this everyday and I feel awkward sometimes answering it, one of them picked up on it and after I mumbled \u201cGood\u201d they said \u201cyou don\u2019t sound too convincing!\u201d", "answer": "Most of the time I will answer honestly if someone's legitimately asking and it's not just a standard greeting.  (I live in the Northeast so \"Hey how you doing?\" means \"hello\" and is often answered with \"Hey how you doing?\" more often than an actual response.)\n\n\nI don't see anything wrong with \"Not doing so great today\", \"Having a bit of a rough week.\", \"Feeling kind of tired.\" \u2026\u2026. You?\n\n\nIf they care to know why or talk about it they'll ask.  If they don't, they won't.  It takes a lot less mental energy to just be honest than to try to walk around with a fake smile on my face.  Having more mental energy helps me to turn it around when I can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ac8r8h", "comment_id": "ed67u14"}, {"question": "My depression got worse over a stupid video game", "description": "I just finished playing Life Is Strange (Well, up to episode 3, super excited for ep 4) and I feel much more depressed than usual, especially after the first episode (which was the most relaxing one). I\u2019m going to try to explain this to the best of my abilities, but I\u2019ve never really felt this way before.\n\nI feel a sense of nostalgia and sadness, like I feel like I squandered my high school years (sophomore in college), like I wish my life was somewhat like Max\u2019s (sans powers). I just wish I could\u2019ve lived in a small little sea side town on the coast of Oregon surrounded by pine trees and rain. I feel like I missed out on something while I was suffering in a shitty inner city school where I isolated myself from all my peers, I hated this feeling so much. It\u2019s like nostalgia for something I never had. I\u2019ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat and thinking about what my life could have been, but wasn\u2019t.\n\nThis is so fucking dumb and I hate myself for this, why do I always want to live in a fictional world?\n", "answer": "I've been there. Try being a huge fan of underrated games that flopped and will never get a sequel (System Shock 2) *sigh*. \n\nNostalgia and sadness are all a part of depression. It is also not all that unusual for a game, song, movie, or a story to trigger episodes and cause you to overthink things. You want to live in a fictional world because everybody needs a chance to escape for a while. There is nothing unusual there. \n\nJust don't forget to poke your head out from time to time and live in the real world. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ei7jx", "comment_id": "ctfs9ow"}, {"question": "Why back muscles have strain and pain while front muscles(abs pectoral etc) never do?", "description": "I do office work. Got a lot of back and neck muscles strain.\n\nBut even people don't do such work would agree with me that back muscles got pain much easier than front ones.\n\nAnd you see cupping marks usually on the back.\n\nCan someone explain this?", "answer": "Wrong sub...this is for mental health therapists not physical therapists. \u263a\ufe0f", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "byrren", "comment_id": "eqkxmr7"}, {"question": "Starting working the drive-thru window at my job, and it's helped a TON with my social anxiety.", "description": "Exposure therapy really works I guess. I went from being nervous reading out orders to doing it very casually and talking a lot with my coworkers. It's insane how much it's helped and I'm reallh proud of myself for doing it.\n\nNow time to ask my crush to hang out at some point \ud83e\udd18\n\nEdit: Can't reply to everyone, but I've read all your comments and I'm really glad to hear you guys have had similar experiences. I'll also make sure to update later on if anything happens with my crush.", "answer": "When I have a fixed role in a situation I find my anxiety is far less than if it were just a casual hangout.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ffoh6h", "comment_id": "fk0ya64"}, {"question": "Parenting in a wheelchair", "description": "Me and my wife are planning on starting a family very soon. I am looking for advice on equipment and resources that you have found helpful in caring for an infant while in a wheelchair. I am a C5-C6 quadriplegic and use a wheelchair.", "answer": "Check out this website: http://sciparenting.com/", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "hku256", "comment_id": "g29nufj"}, {"question": "Had sex with a married woman..Changed my phone number.. my life is falling apart", "description": "I am 20 years old and a few days ago I had sex with a woman 12 years older than me that I barley knew. (32 years old.) Turns out she had a husband. and 2 kids. Afterwards I became paranoid that he would find out somehow and track me down. Every unknown phone call I got scared me to death. Finally today I started getting an unknown phone call, again and again and again. I freaked out, I was afraid to answer. So what did I do? I went straight to AT&T and changed my phone number. WHY?!? I fucked up. Later I find out it was just my mother calling from the on-star phone in her car because she left her phone at the house today. WTF? So I text everyone in my phone that I have a new number, And my reason? I said I had been getting too many sales calls and just wanted a new number. Not a new phone just a new number... HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO PEOPLE?\nI'm feeling like my life is over now. I just had to get that off my chest. I must be the world biggest dumbass. I doubt anyone believes my story and now everytime I look at my phone number its going to remind me of today and how fucking stupid I am right? Also I can't change my number back because Ive already told everyone about my new number. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. thanks..", "answer": "Why are you still freaking out?  It's done.  And changing your number due to spam is a great excuse.  Why would you need a new phone?  You wouldn't.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3mcy", "comment_id": "ccyga89"}, {"question": "Any advice on how to talk to people?", "description": "I have trouble with coming up with things to talk about. I never know what to say if I don't already know the person. I santo become more social and meet new people but my fear of having nothing to say keeps me from doing so. Obviously I could just talk to everyone and get better but what are other tips that you guys could give me to improve my conversation skills. ", "answer": "Try this [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "16ca2t", "comment_id": "c7usriq"}, {"question": "21 male with substance and mental health problem", "description": "Hey guys my name is alex. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, major depressive disorder, severe anxiety and adhd.\nI'm a recovering heroin addict(in so much of recovering means if someone offered me a bundle or even a bag i would jump right on it.\nwe hear all this story of dope being laced, but when its this bad, it doesn't matter( a friend of mine overdosed on the same shit i did after finding out it killed him). his ex gave me all his shit( the shit that killed him) and i did it all and i miss it so much. i have been off my meds since late october and i dont really know what to do", "answer": "The key here is not to die. As long as you're alive, things have a chance of going better. \n\nFind a program and follow it even though it's not near perfect. You could start by going to a meeting every day.\n\nKnow that everything that's hard is survivable. \n\nIf you relapse, START SMALL.  For god's sake, don't od on your regular fix. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6axeri", "comment_id": "dhifdwm"}, {"question": "Is this a breach of privacy?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The doctor cannot tell you anything without your dad's permission, but you are allowed to tell your dad's doctor whatever you want, and she can do with it whatever she wants. There is no law or regulation against it.\n\nWhether it's ethical is a separate question. I would still say yes: you are trying to help your dad even if he doesn't want you to help him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9l5i3a", "comment_id": "e746prs"}, {"question": "Is under 4\u201910 LeGaLLy constitute someone as a little person? Or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23F // White // 115lbs // smoker // No drinking // \n\n\nI\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me I\u2019m LeGaLly a little person even though I\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and I don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person. \n\nSo here I am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people? \n\nBecause dang if I\u2019m a little person this whole time I missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (That\u2019s a joke because I in no way shape or form feel like a little person and I feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title) \n\nThanks for any help in advanced! I really just want to settle it, if I\u2019m wrong I\u2019ll take the L!", "answer": "I believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the US, which would exclude you. As the other poster noted, if you want to know about ADA and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. Medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "faas9d7"}, {"question": "Do you think that the saying \"nice guys finish last\" has any truth?", "description": "Ive just been a little curious about this. I have notice some that this might have some truth to it when it comes to girls. I know all girls are different but over all do you think that this may be true? Advice, experiences or opinions welcome.", "answer": "Depends on what constitutes ' the finish line.'", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1xxpbt", "comment_id": "cffng7h"}, {"question": "The constant anxiety of past actions is fucking unbearable.", "description": "I\u2019ve been so cringy and awkward to so many people it\u2019s hard to keep count. Everywhere I go now I feel like I\u2019m the weird one because of all the awkward stuff people have seen me do before. \n\nEvery. Single. Fucking. Day there\u2019s always something I\u2019ve done to cringe about. Most people have one moment in their life that makes them cringe, but I have them about once a week, and they paralyse me with just sheer embarrassment and sadness. \n\nI know I\u2019m not overreacting, because if I was someone else and witnessed the awkward shit I was doing, I\u2019d think I was a fucking weirdo too. Man I just hate myself so much. I\u2019m unbelievably far from the person I want to be it\u2019s almost unbearable. Everyday I see confident people, it\u2019s unbearable knowing that I\u2019m not one of them.\n\nThe realisation that you\u2019re not the person you want to be is the hardest thing that can happen to someone. \n\nI\u2019m completely stuck. I need help. \n\n", "answer": "I relate, so so so much. \n\nListen though. Beating yourself (ourselves) up for something we have already done is not helpful and will only lead to more self-conscious induced cringy moments in the future. The only thing you can do is make a mental note of what you don\u2019t feel good doing/saying and think about how you can avoid repeating your mistake. Most of the time, the answer is one of these things: be more in the moment, slow down, take breaths, and do more listening and asking questions than talking. \n\nSecond, think hard about your cringy moment and what other people were doing throughout the time you were in their presence. Throughout that time, can you name one single even somewhat cringy thing that another person did? Because I bet you a million dollars at least one of those people you interacted with *can.* At least one of them went home and kicked themselves because of something dumb they thought they said or did. But you didn\u2019t notice because you were focused on yourself and they were focused on themselves. Whatever you did, it wasn\u2019t as big as you think it is. I\u2019ll even go ahead and believe you - let\u2019s say you were cringy. It\u2019s very, very, very unlikely that anyone else is spending more than half a second thinking about your cringy moment. They\u2019ve moved past it.\n\nBreathe. Tomorrow is a chance to be even a marginally better version of yourself, and obsessing is not helpful. Distract yourself. Breathe. Treat yourself to something you enjoy like a snack or a movie. You need some self care right now and you deserve it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "871o1v", "comment_id": "dwaao01"}, {"question": "How to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?", "description": "Hello!  I have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and I'm very nervous.  I'm looking for guidance, not trying to \"do the work\" here, if that makes sense.\n\nI'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since I first asked why I've been circumcised, I've been unhappy about it.  I mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is Jewish and wanted me to look like him).  I guess a part of me also wishes I could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course I'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is.  It feels like I'm going through a grieving process similar to when I had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time I'm going through it completely alone.\n\nI've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist.  She's great, and I've discussed a lot of other private details with her.  Circumcision is different.  She has a two-year-old son, and I have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are.  I'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised.\n\nI'm scared to even mention it here, because from what I've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to \"get over it\" or assume that there \"must be something deeper\" going on.  I guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. I think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. You absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. It sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. Trust her again to support you in this process. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bv8c1u", "comment_id": "epmrq05"}, {"question": "How strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "Girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.\n\nAnything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... Are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "Theres no \"stronger\" antidepressant, though some are more effective than others in large sample studies (Cipriani et al).\n\nI prescribe venlafaxine regularly. Its effective for many. General principles is to try the top dose (if tolerated) for a while before switching. Venlafaxine typically goes up to 375mg daily (in the UK).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "dxsgetq"}, {"question": "Undermining the legitimacy of psychological science.", "description": "http://robingoldstein.net/alcohol-weed-and-self-medication/\n\nI seriously doubt that Dr. Goldstein actually wrote this article, and she probably believes it is all true. But it occurs to me that roughly 90% of the claims made here are false. I concede that any particular assertion could be explained as an error or mistake, but clearly the intended purpose of whomever wrote this article was misinformation: [an attempt to undermine] the legitimacy of psychological science. This is a very serious crime [conspiracy], and the consumers of Goldstein's practice have likely suffered abuse and maltreatment as a consequence, not to mention anybody who has has actually read the article. What can we do about this?", "answer": "Please provide evidence for your claim that 90% of the assertions made in your linked article are false.\n\nHow does any of that undermine the legitimacy of psychological science? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "21yik7", "comment_id": "cghubsd"}, {"question": "Trouble making decisions", "description": "Hey! \nI don\u2019t know why I\u2019m making this post it\u2019s just something that been on my mind. I tried to turn to google for answers but came up with nothing. So I\u2019m here to see if anyone feels the same, and also to feel less alone.. i guess. \n\nI\u2019m a 25 year old female who struggles with making decisions. Yes I\u2019m an adult who still struggles with that. I over think every single possible outcome, and when I finally make a decision I\u2019m left with regret. I\u2019m always left feeling like I made the wrong choice big or small. \n\nThis has been an issue I\u2019ve struggled with since I was a child. \n\nI got diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar depression last year but my medications don\u2019t seem to be working, as I am still anxious. \n\n\nI just started seeing a therapist and I\u2019m getting re-evaluated but I have to wait for my insurance to approve it.\n\nMy question here is does anyone else struggle with this? How to you cope? If you were able to overcome this, how? Also what could be wrong with me? Is this just anxiety?\n\nI feel like I live every single day with regret and it\u2019s becoming unbearable", "answer": "I do this too. Super indecisive and take forever to make a choice agonizing over all the \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d and all the possible outcomes. Then after I make the decision I wonder if it was the right one and question myself doing the \u201cmaybe I should have done y instead of x.\u201d I work on trying to deal with it by talking to other people who are helpful and don\u2019t get annoyed with me for needing to talk it out. I also sometimes write things down and make a pro con list or sorts. I try to focus on the known info and try to only go up one level of the \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d instead of the whole tree of them. For the anxiety after I try and tell myself I made the best decision because of x, y, and z and try and think of the benefits of choosing the way I did. It takes practice and I still struggle some days. I work on being in the present moment and being mindful when I feel myself going down the spiral or ruminating over it. A lot of it is anxiety and it\u2019s also not feeling like I am competent or good enough to make the best choice (which I try and remind myself that I am).  Breathing and focusing on the breath is helpful in calming the anxiety. Give yourself compassion and start trying to trust yourself.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fuvlhp", "comment_id": "fmgri2u"}, {"question": "Panic attack or seizure?", "description": "23, male, 5\u2019 7\u201d, 200lbs., white. Last September I had an episode that sent me to the ER. I started off crying with a lot of fear and anxiety. This progressed into sitting on the edge of my bed pedaling with my feet and moving my arms in random directions. My fianc\u00e9 mentioned that I made a humming noise the entire time it was happening. I remember being able to hear everything going on around me but not being able to respond or control my movements. The crying and fear part lasted about 5-10 minutes, and the episode lasted around 5-10 minutes. The doctor at the ER said it was a panic attack. No neuro tests were run. Labs came back normal with a mildly elevated TSH.\n\nI\u2019ve had panic attacks in the past but none like this. When I mentioned this to the doctor he acted like this was normal, despite me trying to tell him that it was abnormal for me, especially since I had no control over the episode. Since then I\u2019ve had two of these same episodes. One happened right after I got very fearful and started crying like the one that got me sent to the ER. The second one came on with no warning other than a strange feeling that came on suddenly beforehand. My last episode was January of 2018. \n\nFebruary of 2018 I was sent to a psychiatrist for paranoia and strange aura like sensations. I was out on Lamictal, Lexapro, Risperdal, and Xanax. I\u2019ve been using them since then until this past week. I\u2019m tapering off of them due to side effects of the meds getting worse. My primary care doctor is unsure if this was an epileptic seizure, a PNES, or a panic attack. She seems to think it was an epileptic seizure or PNES. I was never referred to a neurologist. ", "answer": "That sounds very much like a panic attack and not very much like a seizure. There's no way to be absolutely certain without monitoring during an episode. But if it's not a generalized tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure, there also aren't really tests to run after the fact that can confirm that it is or isn't a seizure, and even for those classic seizures tests afterwards are suggestive but not confirmatory.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m99ci", "comment_id": "e7d0k13"}, {"question": "i might be aromatic but i dont know how to explain", "description": "hello, me and a friend decided to try out a romantic relationship.\n\nit was his idea and the feelings came from his part, and i agreed to try it because i thought it would be unfair to not give it a go. however, i'm not a very affectionate person and not too keen on romance, so after a bit of research and talking with others i think i'm aromantic? \n\nhe is a good and sweet friend and we have alot in common, so i know he won't judge me or be rude or whatever but i want to end the romantic aspect of our relationship and keep the platonic- how do i explain my situation to him? \n\nedit: i meant \"aromantic\" not aromatic. my apologies", "answer": "\"Aromatic\": adj.  having a pleasing smell. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh8ck", "comment_id": "di2li8k"}, {"question": "F***ing Mother In-Law", "description": "I'm fucking sick of her.  She's overbearing and wicked judgemental.  Comes off as nice and warm if you only spend a short period of time with her, but when you're living with her, it ends up beating you down day after day.\n\nThe other day after actually paying me a compliment, she follows right up with criticisms of my ability to be a father and husband based off of random things that she saw ten years ago.  Stupid shit like that.  I'm fucking sick of it.  Fuck her and the fucking pedestal she lives on (which is bullshit, of course).\n\nCan't tell her, can't tell wife, since we have kids and the kids have a great relationship with her.  I'm not ruining that no matter how much I want to tell her off.  So I come here to blow off steam.  Thanks.", "answer": "Hello fellow New Englander. I'm wicked sorry for you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4y5apx", "comment_id": "d6ldtbt"}, {"question": "Hotline", "description": "9 8 8", "answer": "That change won't be happening for at most 18 months. For now use the old number.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eajdg7", "comment_id": "fasll46"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Note that I am a therapist but I am not YOUR therapist and the accuracy of my advice may vary based on where you are located, as well as the training, ethical code, and clinical judgement of your specific therapist. YOUR therapist knows a lot more about this than I do, and I can't provide psychological help over reddit. \n\nFWIW, my experience is that clients fear that I am MUCH more likely to involuntarily hospitalize them than I actually am. \n\nHowever, I always feel cautious about giving specifics for OTHER therapists because I do not know where you are, how your therapist is licensed, or how your therapist interprets their ethical and legal obligations. \n\nWith that said, I will note that suicidal ideation is very common. If we hospitalized everyone who thought about killing themselves, we would be hospitalizing a truly absurd number of people. (In fact, FWIW, I would be hospitalized.) \n\nIn my clinic, involuntary hospitalization would look something like, \"I have a specific plan to kill myself that I intend to carry out and I refuse to safety plan with you.\"\n\nI strongly encourage you to ask your therapists about this. For example, in your shoes, I might say something like, \"I remember you saying that one reason you might break confidentiality is if I pose a serious threat to myself. I am wondering if you can give me some more information about that. How does this clinic define this?\"\n\nIf you give your therapist information about suicidal thoughts, your therapist probably WILL ask you a bunch of questions to assess risk, such as asking if you have a gun in the house. This doesn't mean that they are trying to institutionalize you, but just that they are trying to figure out what sorts of things might need to be included on a safety plan if you end up making one. (And to make sure that they are documenting what they need to document.)\n\nThere may also be some additional considerations if you are under the age of 18.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqd81b"}, {"question": "Can't check in today. I feel miserable and want to drink.", "description": "I can't bring myself to comment on the check-in thread because I can't say for definite that I won't drink today.\n\nI have every reason not to drink; I'm only 4 hours away from my 2 week badge, I'm not supposed to drink with my meds etc. etc. but I feel, more than anything, that I just want to say f*ck it all. \n\nI keep reading all these inspirational comments and articles about how everyone feels SO much better 2 weeks in and their sleep is great, they feel happier, they've lost weight and their skin looks great. I've had none of that. I thought week 1 was a walk in the park, I didn't miss alcohol, I had no withdrawal symptoms and I was full of optimism. This week I've felt stressed, irritable, useless, and miserable.\n\nHow can I feel so bad after doing something so supposedly great?", "answer": "It took two months for me to get 30 days. When you wake up tomorrow try not to beat yourself up too much--that will lead right back to your next drink. \n\nSometimes in early sobriety (or even much later) we need to do more research before we know for sure if we really want this. It takes what it takes. \n\nWhen you decide you really want this and you have another day like this, don't worry about 24 hours. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. When you feel this way, just find something, anything you can do to distract yourself--just for the next few minutes. Don't worry about what comes next until it comes. \n\nThe first few weeks are the absolute worst. But you can do it. Hugs. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "70x9ry", "comment_id": "dn77jq2"}, {"question": "I (32f) am feeling anxious and suffocated by my husband(30m)", "description": "Yes I know, talk to him. So easy and simple but not. Not when he references other conversations, taking what I've said out of context, or how I was before.ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for at least this past year.\n\nOur libidos don't match up anymore. They've gone from equal to him wanting it even more and me wanting it less. I can't even hug him, kiss him, cuddle, or even look at him without him getting hard and wanting to go have sex. If it were quickies I could do that, but it's like marathon sex sessions almost every time. I hate disappointing him with rejection so I've drawn back, I've stopped trying to touch him and be intimate because I don't want to turn him on only to tell him no, I'm not in the mood. It's a cycle that just keeps creating anxiety in me. \n\nI'm stressed about so many things I can't even decompress when I get home because he's right there, always trying for sex or just trying to get me to talk. I just need a few to come back from the day. I'm a true introvert and my energy stores have been depleted. I just can't deal. I've tried telling him this but i don't think he fully gets it. He use to be so good at reading me and my emotions, but now it's like he went blind.\n\nEvery day he tells me he misses me and can't wait to be home with me. It's not like we don't work in the same town, not like I won't be home in a few hours to see you. He also sends me porn links and sexts me multiple times a day, even on Fridays which I've told him not to before, they are a high stress day at work for me. Yes I could just ignore them like he says, but he could just not send them like I asked. I'd shut my phone off completely Fridays if I didn't need it for work. It's getting stiffling, I can't breathe. I don't have emotions like that. When he went to visit his parents for a few days I missed him, but it was nice being able to relax and not be anxious for those few days. When he came back we had great sex, multiple times a day for a few days. He wanted it to keep going, I didn't need it to. Thus the anxiety kicked back in.\n\nHe jerks off daily, most of the time at least twice a day. I'm fine with that, I really am. But usually he'd do it while I'm asleep or not home from work yet, now he'll just start jerking while I'm right next to him watching TV. If he thinks that's a good way to get me to join...It's not, it just kicks an anxiety attack into high gear and shuts me down even more. \n\nI guess I just needed to get this out so it won't play in my head all day. Idk of this even belongs here.\n\nUpdate: Incase anyone is still seeing this. We talked a little. Apparently when I say no nicely it reminds him of the crazy ex. He thinks I'm bored with our sex life so was trying different ways to ask me for sex. I told him I'm not bored, I'm just being turned off by his approach and that I don't want to hurt him. He said he understands I'm not always in the mood, that a hand or blow job would be ok too... Not exactly the best compromise but it'll do for now. \n\nAnd he won't cheat, wouldn't even take my offer to have an open marriage. We are kinky but he only wants me, yes that's what every woman wants isn't it? Sometimes though, would be nice to be the only one taking all the sexual attention. ", "answer": "Would you rather disappoint him or hate him?\n\nIf you want to stay with him in the long run, disappointing him is a better option.\n\nThink of it as kicking some of the hard feelings over to him to share the load. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "682pyr", "comment_id": "dgv6dpc"}, {"question": "A mental health worker feeling depressed", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Your mental health struggles will make you a better counselor/social worker. You can look people in the eye and say \u201cI believe you and I know how hard this is... let\u2019s work together.\u201d\n\nSource: Licensed Professional Counselor with her own list of diagnoses and meds!", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "d6grj3", "comment_id": "f0udswe"}, {"question": "My[43M] Mom wont let me[17M] take naps after school. Yes, its worse than it sounds.", "description": "I know this sounds like an extremely petty and unimportant problem compared to everyone else, but its become a sore spot between me and my mom. I am a junior taking honors and AP courses, and am incredibly tired after I come home from school and do all of my homework. Generally, when after I finish my hw there is a 30-45 minute window before dinnertime when I try to take a quick nap to recharge my batteries. Every time I have tried to discuss this she says that they make me \"stay up all night\" and that theirs no reason for me to be napping. While its true that by her standards, I do stay up later if I take a nap (as a junior in high school I still have to go to bed at 9 on school nights and cant have my phone, which is another argument for another time). I know a small nap sounds relatively unimportant, but its gotten to a point where I would get grounded for trying to sneak naps in different parts of the house, I always get 8 hours of sleep a night no matter what, so how can I help end this fight and try to convince her to let me grow up a little?", "answer": "she is way off base here. lock yourself in the bathroom and nap!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67s2g0", "comment_id": "dgstq50"}, {"question": "What are some tools and strategies to approach the difficult question of marriage.", "description": "What are some ways to approach the difficult question of marriage? \n\nI've been together with my gf for many years, and now we are at a point where we face a nasty breakup or marriage. \n- we both don't want and don't plan to have kids\n- she gets a lot of society pressure; which she admits to, but for her it's the reality \n\nWe live in Shanghai, I'm moving to Taiwan for a project for about a year (2 hours away flight) and she wants a decision on this. We've been together for many years and she is looking for stability, I admit I think she is ready for marriage. I don't feel it, maybe I'm just intimidated about not having sex with other people ever again. We travel very well together, and it has for sure and by far been my best relationship. Yet, I'm still not sure. \n\nWhat are some tools for me to approach this question where I'm constantly going back and forth and I am just completely indecisive.", "answer": "if you're not ready for marriage after this long, when will you be??? you have to ask yourself if you're leading on...... you seem unable to commit which isn't fair to her.  and she has to decide whether to search elsewhere for commitment. seeing a therapist would help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kdm1v", "comment_id": "dbn7tpv"}, {"question": "Inner eye inflammation (99% Sure not a stye)", "description": "The past two days my [the inner corner of the eye (the skin surrounding the eye, not the the eye itself)](http://imgur.com/a/Ctgh5) is mildly inflamed, and is very sore/painful to the touch, and hurt a snap amount when blinking. It's very slightly red and a decent amount larger than the inner corner of my other eye. I'm pretty sure its just an infection, but I don't know if I should do anything outside of washing it twice daily and waiting. Thanks.\n\nEdit: was a stye", "answer": "Why are you sure it's not a stye? Discharge or what? \n\nStyes sometimes swell up and don't ever come to a head", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6kd7iq", "comment_id": "djlaa2l"}, {"question": "DAE get hurt by knowing their partner watches porn?", "description": "I know I'm overly sensitive about this stuff due to being cheated on and feeling used etc. But just wondering if I'm the only one, I find it especially more hurtful when I saw my boyfriend just watching women alone, I can try my best to rationalise and understand people watch it for the act, but it hurts to think he may watch to seek a better body etc.", "answer": "Same. I can\u2019t say anything to help really. My partner is addicted and it\u2019s so incredibly painful", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "cc3357", "comment_id": "etkolht"}, {"question": "Ending it all on Sunday", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "To quote someone brilliant: \u201cI absolutely understand as I\u2019m on the verge of doing that but please do not do this. I know that whatever I say won\u2019t make you feel better in any way but fuck, please don\u2019t do this. I\u2019m here if you need to talk.\u201d\n\nI mean it, too.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ah3aul", "comment_id": "eebf7bn"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent to AA-meetings for suicidal people?", "description": "I know about the suicide hotline.   But is there something equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous for people dealing with suicidal thoughts (in the US)?  Thanks and be well.", "answer": "There are sometimes support groups in your local area for umbrella subjects, like \"depression\" or \"anxiety\" or even just \"life skills.\" That may be something more along the lines of what you are looking for.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dd36b3", "comment_id": "f2eri91"}, {"question": "I [16-M] got in a relationship with the girl [16-F] my best friend likes [16-M],now he hates me and might kill himself.", "description": "Here's a bit of backstory:I've been friends with this guy (let's call him Tom cause i dont want to say his real name) for over 4 years now,throughout junior high and now in senior high (we're 16.). Tom has,or at least pretends to,that's how I see it,mental issues. He claims to have bipolar depression and wants to go to a psychologist,is bisexual,though I haven't noticed anything erotic between him and other guys,listens to edgy stuff like lil peep,has a fuck life attitude and wants to suicide,which I've gotten tired of trying to prevent to be honest.Now that we're in senior high,there's that girl (let's call her Alice) that he's gained interest in recently,mainly because she talks to him a lot and jokes around with him.On Friday (it's Sunday as I'm writing this),he asked me if I wanted to go out,but I couldn't,and he said \"Fine,I'll go ask Alice out\". I didn't think he said that as in he wanted to date her,and I thought OK,fair enough.On Saturday,I go out with Alice and we go see Alien and all that jazz,just the 2 of us,so sort of a date.Then,when I'm home,she messages me at around midnight. We talk a bit and I confess that I like her and she likes me too (yay).Today, I add a bit of info on my Steam profile (relationship: taken). Tom messages me and he's like \"oh wtf who is she\". He finds out and he goes nuts,I called him but he was just screaming in my ear,I told him that I'm sorry and that I didn't know but he didn't listen,tells me not to talk to him at school and that \"we are done\",then proceeds to block me on all social media.What do I do to calm him down,and mainly not getting him killed,though to be quite honest I'm tired of talking him out of suicide so many times,to the point where I believe he does it deliberately (don't know why). Please note that I'm leaving town in around 2 months so my relationship with Alice won't be long lived either way.\n\n\nTL:DR I dated the girl my somewhat psychotic suicidal best friend likes when he wanted to and got into a relationship with her,now friend blocked me on everything,won't talk to me and might suicide cause of mental issues.What do I do to bring him back to normal (or as normal as he can be).Thank you in advance for your advice.", "answer": "call 911", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cforo", "comment_id": "dhue7hf"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin making anxiety a lot worse. Anyone else have similar experiences?", "description": "I've been taking Wellbutrin for about 5 weeks now (~2 of those overlapped with Effexor, which I was transitioning from), and I'm really concerned about what I've become. My anxiety got a lot worse, I never feel calm, my blood pressure has increased (nothing dangerous though), I get angered and irritated extremely easily, I've almost completely stopped talking to my family, and whatever motivation I previously had to do any kind of work has almost disappeared. Doc told me that things should improve in about 4-6 weeks from start, but the only change I've been noticing up to this point has been negative.\n\nI will be talking to my doc about this soon, so no need to tell me to do that. I'm mostly posting this to find out: has anyone's experience on Wellbutrin been similar to mine? What did you end up doing?\n\nEDIT: Grammar", "answer": "My psychiatrist told me that wellbutrin can worsen anxiety since it is activating/energizing. I used xanax as needed for my anxiety, but my anxiety is a lot lower than many people's and is largely a result of my depression (so, if the depression is managed the anxiety is managed). She told me that if the anxiety remained we could try an SSRI like zoloft to add to the wellbutrin which would help manage the anxiety while keeping the positive aspects of the wellbutrin. I did find that the side effects from wellbutrin were bad for a month or two, so you might try seeing where you're at after about 2 months on wellbutrin so you tweak your RXs (whether getting off wellbutrin or adding something else) after the effects of the wellbutrin have stabilized. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4wlyqt", "comment_id": "d685fxr"}, {"question": "How do I take conversations deeper?", "description": "Does anyone have any tips on how I can take conversations deeper? This is what I have at the moment.\n\n* Ask why. \"Why did you decide to become a teacher?\" \"Why'd you get into dancing?\" - sometimes this will get a good answer, but often they'll just shrug.\n* Find an area where they (or you) are passionate and highly knowledgable", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) has all the info you need :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11csgt", "comment_id": "c6ljqkr"}, {"question": "Does anyone reccomend A.A", "description": "I feel as if it may trigger me more than help.", "answer": "If you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. Not all meetings are the same. Some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. Usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. Attend a meeting near the university or on campus you\u2019re going to see more young people. It can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. Meeting someone like yourself who\u2019s made significant progress can be encouraging.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dwlejp", "comment_id": "f7ksb74"}, {"question": "Was it unethical for my therapist to treat my family members as well?", "description": "Did some light research and it seems like it's a gray area whether a therapist should treat multiple members from the same family, because it can be difficult to remain objective. I personally liked the idea of my therapist seeing the bigger picture to my family dynamics by seeing my sister and mom as well (she no longer sees my sister at all, and my mom only very rarely). I have never felt like my therapist has crossed a boundary otherwise.", "answer": "Treating multiple family members is not inherently unethical,  and CAN be done well. There are therapists who are well trained in this and do a good job. It sounds like your therapist fits in this category.\n\n However , Treating multiple people in a family is a slippery slope , and can potentially open the door to a host of ethical and clinical concerns.  There was a post here (or in a similar sub) recently,  in which a woman described concerns with a therapist who was treating both her and her husband.  This became a problem because both husband and wife felt they were getting conflicting and confusing feedback.\n\nI'm really glad you had a good experience with your therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h9jmgl", "comment_id": "fux1gje"}, {"question": "Depression or ADHD symptoms? Bored of job or life??? Permanently dissatisfied???!", "description": "TL;DR: my life is good, why am I depressed, what things help you guys?\n\nI successfully graduated college about a year ago in mechanical engineering. It was so hard and I poured all my energy into it. Now I am working at a good company and doing well. I live with my great fianc\u00e9 and an adorable dog. Our jobs are secure. We are planning a wedding. Live in a cool city with nice apartment. \n\nWhy the f*ck do I not have the energy to get out bed in the morning. Everything feels so much harder. My whole life Ive had depressive episodes. But not like this? \n\nI stopped taking birth control to help, (it did some). I got a therapist for ADHD and have been seeing her for months now. I am also working with my prescribing doctor to try Concerta instead of adderall. \n\nI feel so mentally bored and unstimulated. Is this just what adulthood is? My brain feels like it\u2019s turning to mush. I am trying so hard. Does anyone have any advice on things they\u2019ve done to break out of slumps? Or how to find satisfaction in adulthood? \n\nTo me, the way I\u2019m feeling is a sign that I need to change something in my external environment. I\u2019m not exactly sad, just feel empty and numb and bored and hopeless. Sometimes I feel like I\u2019m only happy when I\u2019m so stressed I don\u2019t have time to think about it. I have no motivation to do even things I think I want to do, much less bare necessities. And I\u2019ve lost the confidence in myself that I can change or do better. Usually it comes back eventually. \n\nThis is a problem to solve, what are some things that have helped you bounce back? I am looking for inspiration and ideas and to just not feel alone. \n\n (Side note, this began way before the pandemic but it definitely doesn\u2019t help)", "answer": "Yep. I'm struggling with parenting atm. Some days I find my kid so interesting and awesome to be around and other days every minute feels like pulling teeth. Today is one of the teeth days :(", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "gk0nmm", "comment_id": "fqs7mnh"}, {"question": "General question, but how bad is a little tobacco here and there?", "description": "Required info: Age: 19; Height: 6\u20193\u201d; Weight: 205; Gender: Male\n\nQuick question about tobacco. I don\u2019t smoke cigarettes and I don\u2019t dip or anything. My only tobacco use is either a cigar on super special occasions, or in a moke or backwoods blunt, so with a little weed, and weed use is maybe 3-4 times a month, so this is half that. \n\nHow bad is that?", "answer": "I don't know of good studies on occasional smokers, but a rough estimate of risk would be taking the risks of a daily smoker and dividing it by the amount that you smoke. So it's not zero risk, but it's much lower risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8whiue", "comment_id": "e1vxnul"}, {"question": "A question about AA to the vets...?", "description": "Is The Program personalized from one person to the next? I've met some really cool laid back folks, and I've met some wrath-of-god fiery preacher types in the same room.\n\nThe basics are the same- Don't drink, go to meetings, get a home group, call your sponsor, read the big book, and work the steps.\n\nThe reason I'm asking is because the baptist preacher-type quite frankly freak me the fuck out, and I'm just trying to navigate the rooms .\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "Dr. George Vaillant was invited to be a non-alcoholic member of the AA board of trustees.  He was asked because of his expertise in the field of alcoholism treatment and his understanding of AA.  In AA's monthly magazine he was interviewed and he said that most people who recover do so without the help of AA.  I think this fact is an antidote to the big book thumpers who claim that AA is the only way to get sober.\n\nhttp://www.divisiononaddiction.org/html/reprints/vaillant.htm\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2flpvz", "comment_id": "ckafz0u"}, {"question": "What to expect from a first time \"Psychiatric Consult\" referral from my medical doctor? Already on meds and done CBT.", "description": "- Age: 30\n- Sex: Male\n- Height: 5'10\"\n- Weight: 252\n- Race: White\n- Duration of complaint: 4-5 years\n- Location (Geographic and on body): USA Midatlantic\n- Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Current medications (if any): Escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), Vyvanse (50 mg), and Zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)\n\nHello,\n\nMy medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"Psych Consult\" to a local psychiatric office and I was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.\n\nThe details are as follows, but I can provide more if needed:\n\n- On SSRI, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem (Ambien)\n- Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness.\n- Already on medication, did CBT (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great.\n- About 4 years ago, I gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. The other 4-5 days I eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. This never happened before until about 4 years ago.\n\nMain doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. No explicit goals or other instructions.\n\nI don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but I don't want the Psych to think that I am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.\n\nSo, if I've already done CBT, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward I should expect from the psych or my main doctor?\n\nThanks", "answer": "It probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.\n\nThat said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. That's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. A good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.\n\nPsychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "dx95d1v"}, {"question": "Is he the one?", "description": "I met this guy last year. We bonded over a very similar backstory. We both developed feelings, but he's not able to make amends with his past. We tried, but he wasn't able to do so, and we are not together. But I've never met anyone like him. I know everyone says that, but he understands who I am completely, and I know him better than anyone in the world. Our chemistry is immaculate and quite the envy of my friends. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the love of my life, but I've been told that is silly and there's no way I could know that or that since he's not able to make amends with his past, it isn't \"meant to be.\" I'm uncertain as to what to do. ", "answer": "One would imagine that eventually he will make amends with his past, but it's hard to know how long that will take. So you have to decide what kind of friend you want to be with him, and also decide how patient you might want to be with his inner process. I'm not a big fan of the phrase \"meant to be\". I think the two of you simply have to define what your friendship is going to be moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qdwhn", "comment_id": "dcygacv"}, {"question": "Any ideas for my symptoms?", "description": "I am a 21 yom in healthy shape and I am not able to see my pcp for a couple weeks and I just wanted to get an opinion as to what I may be experiencing.\n\nSymptoms: Two weeks ago I had about a 20 minute period of my heart beating out of my chest with palpitations occurring every 2-3 minutes, this happened at midnight, but my heart rate was 65 bpm. I was anxious during the entire episode as well which I think made it worse. I would have very occasional palpitations before and went to a cardiologist 2 years ago and he ran tests and assured me my heart was fine. This episode freaked me out though and for the next two weeks I have had one or two random palpitations where I need to catch my breath after. Also have been having slight headaches regularly and would see stars out of nowhere. I woke up out of breath a couple days ago and have just not been feeling completely normal and just restless. During the day I have generally felt like I need to catch my breath even if I'm just sitting down. I also tend to overthink everything a lot and stress myself out and that makes these symptoms worse. When I am occupied or busy I tend not to notice symptoms. I am also on a low carb diet as of 4 months ago. No medications. \n\nI am a pharmacy student and have a big course load and in organizations which can cause me to be stressed regularly. I am hoping these symptoms are  just anxiety related and there isn't another underlying cause.  Any input would be appreciated!", "answer": "Not a doc, but went through similar. Heart damage typically doesn\u2019t pop up overnight so you should be ok. Likely anxiety", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "72webx", "comment_id": "dnlz47b"}, {"question": "Could this be schizophrenia or psychosis?", "description": "I've suffered from dissociation (depersonalisation / derealisation) and SEVERE intrusive thoughts for years now, 45 mg of mirtazapine + 225 mg of venlafaxine (effexor) doesn't help. I've even overdosed to 300 mg (and even as large as 375 mg if I remember correctly) instead of 225 mg despite not knowing whether I should or not as my doctor for some reason has stopped contacting me. She hasn't answered my emails or calls for months, for no reason. Although from day one I had a feeling she disliked me a lot. \n\nI also have delusional(?) thoughts about my friends and family abandoning me at some point. I am very anxious around them and I even have difficulty looking them in the eye and I might stutter while speaking to them, etc. This happens to me every day. It's good if I can hold one 5-minute conversation with them. It doesn't get any better, this has been going on since 2015, since 2014 with some. I feel like I need to say the right words or I feel like if I offend them they won't ever talk to me again. Every new day I meet them it's like they're complete strangers and I'm very anxious around them, afraid of them abandoning me. I also notice that at the most severe forms of this I lack empathy completely yet I still have these fearful thoughts of abandonment. Could this be some form of psychosis? Perhaps even schizophrenia? \n\nI really need help from someone. I believe I cannot go on like this for much longer.", "answer": "Doesn't sound like psychosis at all, more like severe anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6whnxg", "comment_id": "dma8m9f"}, {"question": "In 7 minutes I will be 30 days sober!", "description": "Thank you all for helping me achieve sobriety! I love you all. Iwdwyt", "answer": "Congratulations! \ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\n\nThat's a huge accomplishment. In therapist school we'd be told to normalize relapse at this point, but I'm actually just excited for you \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d9w4n0", "comment_id": "f1n1l5d"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin good for mild anxiety/slight depression? What else have you had luck with?", "description": "I have taken both Zoloft and celexa in the past. I thought Zoloft made me feel lethargic and groggy. Celexa was decent but I ended up discontinuing it because I thought I could handle my anxiety since I graduated college. I've been off celexa for about 10 months now and am going to talk to my doctor about starting one again. I was thinking about trying. wellbutrin. I am generally somewhat tired all the time the way it is and heard wellbutrin increases energy. Celexa gave me terrible dry mouth and made me put on a few extra pounds. Nothing crazy. Just 5 or so pounds. I've also heard wellbutrin is correlated to weight loss.\nAny input is much appreciated", "answer": "I have never been on an antidepressant before Wellbutrin, and I'm currently on week three, as of today actually. Since I'm so unfamiliar with antidepressants its really hard to say how big the changes have been, but I am more in control of my negative thinking than I was before, which also reduced my anxiety a little bit. I still have relapses in my anxiety, but it feels like it occurs less. My girlfriend today said that \"I've noticed you've been more happy the past week or two.\"\n\nBut it had some side effects, as of now the only thing I have is constant dry mouth (so I get bad breath a lot), and occasional headaches. \n\nThere was like a week and a half where I had an excruciating headache almost every day, and sometimes they would last up to like 4-5 hours. Now I get an occasional mild headache, maybe once or twice in the past week. I used to clinch my jaw really hard as well, I'm noticing it less than I was before, but I still think I clinch my jaw because its occasionally sore. Maybe two or three days in, I had a really weird depersonalization trip which made me want to stop using it. I was playing a videogame, and then I just started staring at the TV without doing anything for what felt like 3-4 minutes, it felt like I had tunnel vision just staring at the colors on the TV, my mouth just started hanging open too. Luckily that only happened once, but it made me feel really loopy.\n\nThat's all I can really provide, I don't know how antidepressants normally feel. As far as the energy goes, I noticed I'm not nearly as tired during most of the day (from waking up to about 6pm), but I crash really hard in the evenings (10pm+). Its to the point where I can't sit and watch TV without dozing off.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2oj1s9", "comment_id": "cmoavzv"}, {"question": "Why do therapists participate in this thread?", "description": "After spending so much time at work it's surprising you do extra work for free. It's very kind but I'm just wondering why :)", "answer": "We\u2019re natural born helpers who do the work we do because of this. It\u2019s my passion and what I love to do so this is a way to help (within reason - I\u2019m not giving therapy via Reddit just answering questions or giving compassion and empathy). We have the experience and expertise to answer questions for folks who are wondering about going to therapy and what that\u2019s like. We also kind give people some support or resources they wouldn\u2019t have otherwise. Also I think having people who are in the business that can answer questions about \u201cis this normal for my T to do\u201d is important because it\u2019s a way to help protect vulnerable people who might be in a situation that is legally or ethically questionable or give support in \u201cyes this is normal and here\u2019s why\u201d etc.  \n\nIt\u2019s kind of like a artist who paints for their own enjoyment because it\u2019s their passion not just painting with the intent to make money. The only analogy I could think of atm so it\u2019s wobbly and I\u2019m sure can have holes punched through it but it\u2019s sort of accurate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "egxrhx", "comment_id": "fcaww5w"}, {"question": "Behavior", "description": "Do you think there is an explanation for every human act or behavior if you peel back enough layers of the onion ? Or do you think there is still so much left to discover about the human psyche. ", "answer": "I don't think it's really an either/or question.  Yes... to both.  I think there's always an underlying reason whether it's biological, genetic, behavioral, personality, trauma, etc. but at the same time, we don't know all the answers to all the whys yet for certain specific things, so there's plenty more to discover.\n\n\n    ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a8z259", "comment_id": "ecnuxfa"}, {"question": "3 years ago I found this sub, today I'm 3 years sober!", "description": "I never imagined myself being able to say that 3 years ago. Back then not drinking for a couple days was a huge accomplishment for me. I don't visit this sub as often anymore but I drop in from time to time to read about everyone's journey. I just wanted to stop in and thank everyone in this sub for being amazing. I never would have had the courage to stop drinking or the resolve to stay sober without you all! Thanks!", "answer": "That is awesome!! Congrats to you!!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bjvozc", "comment_id": "emcayth"}, {"question": "Tip for those of you who hate waking up.", "description": "I'm the typical(After thinking about it I might not be typical. Let me know in the comments!) ADHD paitent with sleep issues. \n\n1. I stay up as long as I can because reading random Wikipedia pages and finding new \"hobbies\" sounds soo much more stimulating than sleeping even though I know that I already have to be awake in 6 hours.\n\n2. I wake up quite often but always want to go back to sleep. I can sleep all day and still be tired. (At least I think this is an issue the rest of you all have.)\n\n3. Even though my psychiatrist prescribed me trazadone/zzzquil/melatonin I don't take them because I don't want to go to sleep and if I do take them I will stay up past their half life and they won't work. (I'm pretty sure some of y'all deal with this aswell?)\n\nI like to wake up at the latest 10am so what I've been doing is keeping my meds and a bottle of water by my bedside. Setting an alarm for 7am and taking my meds at that time. Then I set one for 830. Usually if the 830 alarm doesn't wake me up I will already be awake and out of bed making my coffee.\n\nI have told my psychiatrist that I do this and he has never had any complaints. \n\nI can still sleep till noon even if I do this but I have to really really really be wanting sleep. I try and not do that though because using this method can make me a slight bit drowsy during the day.\n\nOverall I would prefer to be slightly drowsy than waste away 4 hours of my day resting but not ever feeling refreshed.", "answer": "I having been doing this with my Vyvanse for the past 8 years. It has been a lifesaver!  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "70xm5d", "comment_id": "dn6s3a5"}, {"question": "My (48 male) eldest daughter (23 female) revealed this morning that her husband (23 male) got my youngest daughter (20 female) pregnant and that she is divorcing him and ceasing contact with her sister", "description": "My apologies if I did this wrong. My nephew has shown me reddit before but I have never posted here on Relationship Advice before. I am 48 and so is my wife. We have two daughter's who are 23 and 20. My eldest daughter is married, my youngest daughter is not. My son-in-law is also 23. This morning my eldest daughter revealed that her husband has gotten my youngest daughter pregnant. She gave her husband divorce papers and says my younger daughter is dead to her and she will never see or speak to her again. My youngest daughter and son-in-law do not deny the allegations. The admit that it is all true and my eldest daughter is correct. My youngest daughter admits the affair was mutual even though my wife kept saying it must not have been. My eldest daughter left. My son-in-law went home because he thought she was there but he says she isn't and her clothes and things are gone. My youngest daughter lives with us and hasn't left her room since my eldest daughter left here. My wife has been crying all morning. I admit that I am not the most emotional or sensitive, my parents were good people but in my house no one showed any feelings. Since this morning I am feeling so many different emotions. We have other family members staying with us and coming over for dinner. I don't even know how to fathom dealing with this.\n\nMy tl;dr summary question is how can I deal with what happened and the fallout from my youngest daughter (who is 20) getting pregnant my my eldest daughter's husband (they are both 23) and my eldest daughter filing for divorce and saying my youngest daughter is dead to her?", "answer": "this will not be an easy process. just have to process slowly and maybe even get family therapy if you get stuck.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kabum", "comment_id": "dbmu42a"}, {"question": "\"Living well is the best revenge.\"", "description": "God, I hate this line. Because it will never happen for me, at this rate. My list of 'people who've wronged me' is a long one. At the height of each (real or imagined) offense, I always swear (in my head)  that I'll *show them one day*, always imagine running into them at some point in the future -- when I'm successful, stable and happy.\n\nBut I've done nothing with my life, and have no one (I'm married to a neurotypical, so feel lonely where it counts). If I saw anyone on my list, I'd painstakingly avoid being seen by them because there's not a single one of them I have proven wrong. As it turns out, I *am* a loser, and deserve all the bad things they've done/said.", "answer": "You got it backwards. The line is also missing a crucial word.  It's not Living well is the best revenge, it's living well for yourself is the best revenge. When you start living for you, and only you, and not to show those who wronged you that they are wrong, then you will be able to find happiness. You have to learn to let go of those grudges. If you keep holding onto poison it will make everything you touch die. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8vl5uu", "comment_id": "e1ob6ru"}, {"question": "Can I take a melatonin to help with lack of sleep caused by Effexor?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Taking melatonin is fine.\n\nIs this Effexor XR or plain Effexor? If the former, you should probably take it in the morning to avoid messing up sleep.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9jnek", "comment_id": "firznmj"}, {"question": "How do therapists repair relationships?", "description": "Let's say a wife and husband are having a difficult relationship and have many disagreements but choose to see a therapist to try to fix the relationship \n\nAt a high level, how would a therapist go about repairing that relationship?\n\nWould a therapist help the two see their commonalities/similarities and the strengthens in each other?\n\nAs a therapist, I would ask questions like why did you two fall in love, etc to invoke those strong memories", "answer": "This completely depends on the problem they are having . There is no one solution.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2sslj", "comment_id": "fnnjm0s"}, {"question": "I want to love and be loved", "description": "I wish I could find my person already. \n\nI\u2019m surrounded by people but I\u2019m lonely. I\u2019m good on my own but fuck, some days when you crash, and there\u2019s no one to turn to....I want that one person I can come home to that can hold me or that I can pour my heart out to. \n\nWhy does it take so long to find that person. I thought I found that person and then it all went to shit and I went back to being on my own. \n\nI just want to be held. And loved. And understood. And comfortable enough to just fall apart in my entirety in front of them and know they\u2019ll be there while I put myself back together, when I\u2019m whole, or when I\u2019m in shambles.  \n\nTo that person \u2014 where the FUCK are you and why are you taking so long to get here? \n\nTo the person I thought was that person \u2014 fuck you because now where there was once ignorance and bliss, there is an empty hole craving to be filled with someone else\u2019s nurturing no matter how complete I am without someone else. \n\nI am a huge advocate of self growth before relationships but shit. I can have all my shit together and I\u2019m always going to feel this way. I\u2019ve daydreamed about true love my whole life, it\u2019s just who I am. I don\u2019t need it but God, do I fucking want it so badly.", "answer": "I feel this deeply. I keep trying to take risks and push myself out of my comfort zone to meet other people. I\u2019m happy on my own, but I also long for partnership and to build a life with someone. I\u2019m working on my own goals and feeling great about that, but I still get lonely.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bw5qfs", "comment_id": "epvnkbw"}, {"question": "I [44/M] no longer \"care\" about my wife [40/F] and I don't know how long we should keep trying.", "description": "Throw away here \u2013 \nI\u2019m going to try and make a super long story short.  Married for 12 years, dated for 6 weeks before marriage, have twin 9 year old kids. Both of us had emotionally scaring childhoods, although very different. My wife has horribly sexually abused for years by a family member from about 8 -12.  I had emotionally/completely uninvolved parents and never learned how to deal with my emotions/situations/people. \n\nWe were a perfect match at first because she had a ton of emotional pain to give, and I took it all because I myself had been hiding mine for years and didn\u2019t share anything. We went through a lot of emotionally traumatic things (some of which might seem petty, but they weren\u2019t to her so they weren\u2019t to me and I took all the pain she had).  Her childhood, she steals now because of it, eating disorders, hair loss, difficulty with childbirth (IVF eventually), on and on.  Through all of it for years and years I didn\u2019t acknowledge myself, my wants, needs or desires and lived to only fill hers.  Eventually being the only emotional outlet she had (coupled with a subconscious desire to start living a life for me) made me break.  For a while I had been feeling emotionally drained, then dead towards her.  I snapped one day and told her I couldn\u2019t do it anymore and I was done.\n\nThat was 4 months ago.  Since the day I told her that we have been in couples therapy every week (we started on the day I told her), and a week later I got my own therapist that I have seen every week.  I understand a lot more about the dysfunction in our childhood and in our marriage now than before.  I also am becoming aware of my emotional needs (that I swallowed for 40 years).  My issue is I feel absolutely no different towards my wife.  We are doing everything to repair what was broke. Therapy, dating, trips alone, acts of service to each other, etc.  But nothing has changed for me.  I love her but don\u2019t care about her anymore (if that makes sense, I\u2019m afraid it sounds harsher than I mean).\n\nShe\u2019s a good person, and a great mother. She\u2019s smart, we are mostly on raising the children, politics, activities, etc.  She\u2019s still incredibly attractive.  We enjoy each others company, and for the most part have a good sex life (still).  But the feelings for her are not coming back in anyway.  The last out of town trip we had (which we both enjoyed) I pictured her there with someone else.  And I didn\u2019t care.  Then I pictured myself with someone else and I felt no better or worse.  My wife is completely exchangeable in that regard.\n\nSo my dilemma is how long do we keep at this?  How long do I make her keep working toward us when I\u2019m not changing.  And on top of that should I just accept what I have and move on.  We do work incredibly well together and neither of us have major complaints about the other.  I feel like I\u2019m in a no win.  I either choose myself and have a chance to finally find who I am, things I like, and find real true happiness but in the process of that leave my wife, break up my family, and subject my kids to a broken home. Or I stay in this relationship keep doing the \u201cright\u201d thing and find peace in knowing a lot of people have it worse than me and my kids will have a steady two parent home.  (As a side note, if I didn\u2019t have my kids who are amazing and mean everything to me I probably would have already left my wife)\n\nTLDR; My wife and I have a good relationship but incredibly complex broken childhoods behind them and our early trauma has led me a breaking point, and even though we are working on things together I don\u2019t care about her anymore.\n", "answer": "there's a difference between the pilot light being off, or flickering. if it's the latter, go to marriage counseling. if it's been off for a long time, you probably won't get the feelings back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67whao", "comment_id": "dgtrs4w"}, {"question": "I feel as if Doctors are not taking my symptoms seriously and won't test me to rule out an illness. What do you think?", "description": "Hello, I am 22 and a male. I have been having these issues for 6 days now and they only feel like they're getting worse. I have went to the hospital where the doctor had dismissed my claims and said there's no medical reason for me being unwell. I am very stressed and afraid because if it's a misdiagnose there's a chance I can die or be left with permanent brain damage. \n\nI have recently been stressed due to work and lifestyle and have recently had a recurrence of cold sore on my lip which I rarely ever get. I am normally quite resilient to most illnesses and wouldn't make big issues over most of the stuff I go through.  I have recently been feeling very unwell though. I have bad headaches and my eyes are really sensitive to light. I can't read things from a distance that I used to be able to read before 6 days ago. I feel very ill as well like vomiting and have had bad stomach aches and diarrhea.\n\nI find myself speaking differently as well in that I've begin to stammer when I never before but maybe this is a mental thing. I also feel very weak in that it can be hard for me to use leg muscles to climb stairs. When I look at everything it all seems surreal as well like I can't focus. I had also touched my coldsore before I realised it was a coldsore and rubbed my eyes and nose repeatedly. \n\nI thought I was fatigued but even after resting and taking it easy I still feel nauseous and my eyes are sensitive to light. I looked online and found out about viral encephalitis and feel as if most of the symptoms fit except for sever fever. I get shivers and very hot randomly sometimes independant on the whether or what I'm wearing and I haven't passed out or went into a coma yet.  I went into the hospital and asked them to please check for it and give me a blood test or MRI or CT scan or anything to rule it out. I don't want this to be treated after I've slipped into a coma or after I've suffered irreparable brain damage. \n\nDo you think the doctor was right and there's nothing wrong and maybe it is fatigue (I thought it could be fatigue intially) ? or do you think I should get checked and there might be something wrong? \n\nThanks.\n\nEdit 1: Have not taken any DNP or other crap that's in my history. Was curious about them. Also I said 6 days but the severe headaches and stuff began yesterday though I've had the cold sore for 6. \n\nEdit 2: Another thing I forgot to mention is that it feels as if my bowels/(asshole?) is being tickled with a feather or something is crawling inside them. It also feels like my brain is being tickled as well or ants are crawling on them. \n\nUPDATE: Went to my GP and he told me also doesn't think it's encephalitis at my current condition. He gave me a form and said if it doesn't get better by Tuesday then come in for a CRP, FBC, LBO and UE. He said if I start feeling worse and actually start to vomit and headaches get worse then go to the hospital and give them the form. He also said that if I start to become disorientated to the stage I get confused where I am then also go. \n\nHe couldn't explain why I can't see as well though. As in my vision hasn't changed but at a distance I can longer make out words or letters and my brain feels sluggish at putting the words together to make a word. I'll see how it goes and see how I feel tomorrow. I'm actually intrigued to what it could be. They did suggest at the hospital for me to see the mental health team though. I don't know why as I'm not suicidal or anything. \n", "answer": "I doubt its encephalitis. A GP could do some bloods though should your symptoms persist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zorbr", "comment_id": "d6xjcre"}, {"question": "How do I say no to my defensive, overly sensitive boyfriend?", "description": "My relationship is very sexed up. We shove, slap, choke, push each other's faces against walls, and call one another some pretty blush-worthy names. \n\nDon't get me wrong. We're not constantly a pair of bunnies; however, if at least one us is hot and ready... the other will soon follow suit. It's go time. And this will normally go on for a few hours at a time. \n\nIf I have not made it clear enough, we have very rough sex. That's all fine and dandy, but my vag is not indestructible. Sometimes it hurts TOO MUCH because of the previous session and I just can't do it. I need the R&R. The problem is, my boyfriend will try to get things going between us and when I tell him I really can't at the moment, he'll proceed to be miffed at me. \n\nHe either:\n\na) Says something passive aggressive: \"You need to learn to keep up\"\n\nb) Tries anyway (only when I've persistently whined and complained about the pain will he stop)\n\nAfter that's all said and done, he's distant. His vocabulary dissolves into monosyllables, he won't touch me. He will completely ignore what has just gone down. I don't know, it's as if I'm stepping on his pride when my lustiness doesn't outweigh the raging pain in my lady region. \n\nWhat can I say to get him to understand how and why his behavior during these types of situations is not okay?\n", "answer": "It does sound as though he's being rather jerkish about this. \n\nPersonally, I'd take my power back and be very blunt and assertive with him. Granted,  if you do this he will likely blow up and try to get control of the situation back in his favor, assuming that if he gets upset enough you will back down. If you go this route, stand your ground at all costs.\n\nHe seems to have forgotten (or not care) that your body is YOURS. You do not need to continuously explain that it hurts, no means no. Period. If he becomes passive aggressive and says things like \"you need to learn to keep up\" tell him if that's how he feels, there's the door, because you are intimate with him by your choice alone. You are not property, and it really bothers me that youre being treated as such. He tries anyway after you tell him no? Absolutely unacceptable. He has no respect for you or your body. \n\nThe reason he becomes distant is because he didnt get what he wanted and is trying to \"punish\" you for it. I've been in a very similar situation,  which is why I probably seem so upset about this. Please understand my frustration is 100% towards how he treats you, and not towards you.\n\nIf he is the kind of person I'm imagining he is, this suggestion wont likely work but I will offer it anyway: before you guys get In a heated moment try discussing the issue with him. Before he tries to make a move, and before things get intimate.  Explain your concerns and be very direct about it. \"I've noticed you get frustrated with me when I dont want to have sex with you sometimes, and when I say it hurts and I dont want to, you either disregard what im saying or become passive aggressive followed by becoming incredibly distant. What are your thoughts on that?\" I'd also take this opportunity to explain to him your body is yours and you dont EVER have to be intimate with him if you dont want to. \n\nPlease PM me if you ever want to discuss this further. I sincerely want to help, and I've been in a relationship like this before. I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do - and how no matter what you do in this situation its \"wrong\" in his eyes. My heart goes out to youm", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2a0zf0", "comment_id": "ciqgrlv"}, {"question": "I'm a fatfuck who regained the weight I spent months losing, AKA, I'm a fucking dumbshit.", "description": "God motherfucking dammit!  I did it again!  I threw away months of exercise and eating right for months of being a gluttonous slob.  I broke the hard-earned good habits I busted my fat, buttery, balls ingraining into my life and went back to my shitty old ones.  And it's not the first time.\n\nFor fucking years I've kept failing.  Living a healthy life style and getting slimmer and fitter, for weeks, sometimes months at a time.  And then fucking it all to hell and giving up like a fucking limped-dicked lazy asshole.  I know how to lose weight.  Ignorance isn't the problem I'm not some clueless fatty who blames his metabolism or nature.  I know what I'm throwing away when I relapse and reach for those donuts and fries.  \n\nBut I'm somehow stupid enough to tell myself that I'll get back on track before I regain the flab and lose the muscle mass, or that I never cared about my fitness in the first place, because no matter how much better I look and how much more human I feel, I'm dumb enough to start looking back at my laziness and careless eating with nostalgia.  \n\nYet again, I clawed my way out of the pit, and yet again my bad habits drug me back in like a boulder chained to my cankles.  I'm not sure it's worth trying again.  I've failed time after time, why the fuck would the next time being any different?  Why the ever-loving fuck!?!  I can't trust myself, and I'm the only one who can change this.", "answer": "Using my alt because I'm pretty ashamed to be in the same spot you are, struggling with weight long-term.  But I did want to reach out a friendly hand.  \n  \nAfter relapsing I read a really interesting book (unfortunately the title escapes me of course) whose author interviewed several people with different diet methods and weight issues.   \n  \nSomething that stuck out to me was the \"obsession\" with food that some of the dieters had.  Not like an engrossing weird obsession, but that it was never far from their thoughts.   I don't know if this relates to you, but the author did a series of casual social experiments and talked about how food triggers something in some people which just makes it harder to be healthy.    \n  \n\nHe would do his interviews in a room with candy out or something, and halfway through he'd ask how the candy made the person feel.  Some people didn't even notice it or didn't care at all, while others couldn't help focusing in.  One woman admitted that it was extremely stressful just to have food in the room.  (this woman worked out every day excessively to keep from gaining weight as she found it hard to control her eating)  They talked about habits like cleaning plates or \"getting your money's worth\" in terms of eating and how this related to a later preoccupation with food.   \n  \n  \nI know for me at least it was partially upbringing.  I had \"clean your plate\" parents, and my dad has the \"food obsession\" problem.  If we're out to eat, he'll never leave anything on his plate and will take whatever other people don't eat.  If there is candy in the living room bowl, he'll eat 5 pieces while watching TV regardless of not really liking it.  He can't just not eat it.  After reading that book and dropping some weight, I started to notice how he would actually become anxious if I insisted that I wanted to take my food home, and that he needed to leave it alone.   \n  \n  I notice these same poisonous habits in myself now.  Initially after moving out I dropped a lot of weight by obsessing about food in a positive way (health and nutrition) but as soon as I stop dieting the preoccupation leads me into unhealthy habits.  My \"naturally skinny\" friends don't have this problem.  They can forget to eat until their stomach growls.  And then, if it's late and they're tired, they don't think it's worth it to make food anyway.  This never happens to me.  It's ALWAYS worth the effort to make or buy food.  I never \"forget\" to eat.   \n  \nThere are some things I simply have to do nonstop to keep from regaining weight.  Before I started doing these, my whole life revolved around maintaining weight or dieting, otherwise I was gaining.  I don't know if this will help you, but it's helped me to reach a maintenance where I'm not constantly struggling and bouncing up and down.  I find it easier to upkeep with these basic rules than to try to go 100% all the time.  \n  \n1. Pasta and bread don't enter the house.  It's easiest to control myself at the supermarket, but once they are in the house I WILL eat them.  So they just don't enter.  Try striking your worst offenders from the grocery list (and don't kid yourself that this time you won't eat it all).  \n  \n2. I don't buy pre-made food.  No drive-through McD, no enchiladas from the supermarket.  I do struggle on this one, but keeping microwavable veggies and lots of fruit at home helps.  I keep diet coke in the car to distract myself.    \n  \n3. I never suggest going out to eat.  If my friends suggest it, that's fine.  But I'm not the one who suggests it.  I will never say \"let's get food\" or complain that I'm hungry until someone else does.  (a good amount of shame about your weight helps with this one, unfortunately)   \n  \nThat's it.  Sticking to those allows me to maintain without making my whole freaking life revolve around it.  It may sound pathetic to need to keep coke in the car to keep yourself from getting McD, but it's more pathetic to regain weight for the 3rd time.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1modpa", "comment_id": "ccbajuv"}, {"question": "Today the pharmacist sold me a genetic test so I can better tell what ADHD drugs will help me?!", "description": "Picked my drugs up at the local Rite Aid and the pharmacist pitched me on this \"Harmonyx diagnostics\" genetic test because she saw that I have ADHD. Pretty much, this private lab looks for certain genes (I'm guessing DRD4 variant etc?) and ranks the various ADHD drugs from Red (last resort) to Yellow (try second) to Green (try first) relative to your genetic make up. Sounds a little hokey, but I've been a psychiatric patient for most of my young adult life and have bounced between drugs for years now...I'll take the results with a grain of salt, of course. I'm guessing that I don't have the DRD4 variant because I'm ADHD PI and get really anxious on stimulants. Hm. ", "answer": "I know nothing about the company you referenced but I do know that tests like that are available. I work at a mental health clinic and our lab does that sometimes for clients when the psychiatrist orders it. Like you said, I think they order medications from most to least effective given your results. \n\nI've never done it myself but I've had multiple clients swear by it. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2s0bvp", "comment_id": "cnm8v0c"}, {"question": "I thought I was in a great relationship, turns out I mean so little to her...", "description": "TL;DR Thought things were going great with this girl, she doesn't want a relationship, won't talk to me in person, and now I'm really depressed.\n\nIf interested, here's some backstory https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/3riuwp/my_24f_girlfriend_is_mad_at_me_and_i_m26_dont/\n\nWell, it turns out that she is not ready to have a committed relationship and that she never considered me her boyfriend or had plans to (we technically were unofficial, but there have been mentions of boyfriend/girlfriend informally) She then brings up one night a month ago where I jokingly and drunkingly told her friend I was going to marry her someday. This confuses me because 1. That was so long ago and 2. I was drunk and in no way shape or form kneeling down on one knee with a ring. She won\u2019t talk to me in person and I feel like I mean so little to her.\n\nNow, I\u2019m just depressed. I\u2019ll have nights where I cry and moments where I yearn for her again, but overall I just feel empty inside. I feel like I have no motivation to do anything, my work has suffered, I barely sleep, and I think I\u2019m becoming an alcoholic (I\u2019m incredibly hungover at work right now, I\u2019ve been drinking until late in the night all the time, and I\u2019m looking forward to it tonight) \n\nHonestly, I think some of the depression comes from the fact that I meant so little to her, rather than just losing her. I feel like the whole time I\u2019ve known her was a waste, and I could have used all the time, effort, and money on something more important. I told all my friends and family about her, and they were looking forward to meeting her. I thought we had something really special. Now I\u2019m going to be alone for the holidays (again) tell my friends and family that things with a girl I really liked and was dating didn\u2019t work out (again) and put on a fake smile when I see family members and friends during the holidays (again). I miss her, I miss having someone who wants me, I miss having to not worry about anything, I miss not having to pretend I\u2019m okay when I\u2019m really not. Sorry for the rant, I just really need feel better.", "answer": "I don't know if this will help, but she sounds terrible. Maybe she's not a terrible person, but she was terrible to you. Don't mourn too much for someone or something that doesn't exist - you should find someone you treats you well.\n\nI feel you on the holidays bit, that's the worst time in the world to be single. Yet, so many breakups occur right before. Surround yourself with understanding people!", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "3skgne", "comment_id": "cwy30va"}, {"question": "Could something have happened to my heart valves? Tight chest then a \"pop\" \"in the heart\"", "description": "Hello,\n\n40 year-old female, 5'8\", 130lbs, mixed race.\n\nI've been extra stressed out lately and am afraid of going to sleep. Anxiety's been quite bad, and I get nauseous often and dizzy sometimes. Usually the left side of my chest gets quite tight, especially when I go to bed. \n\nA couple of nights ago my chest was quite tight, and when I lay on my left side it felt like something kinda \"popped\" in my heart. It wasn't painful at all. Then the tightness was gone and my chest hasn't really been tight since. I kept thinking that it felt like a valve popped or something, but that's probably just the feeling and not reality, right?\n\nI still get a little bit of chest pain, but now it feels like it's in the muscles around the heart area as opposed to the heart area itself (I know our hearts don't hurt, but that's the best way to describe it). But the tightness is rather mild now in comparison to what I normally feel, and it kinda feel like my heartbeat's a little \"watery\" (don't know how else to say this).\n\nIt's always best to go to the doctor, but I probably can't for a few more days, so if you have any comments I'd really appreciate it.\n\nThank you in advance!", "answer": "Are you in treatment for the anxiety?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jq6gy4", "comment_id": "gbkoifg"}, {"question": "Paying for a Therapist...", "description": "I'm 21 years old, at kind of stuck with my job that doesn't offer insurance...none whatsoever. I live on meets end every month, so I can't save money at all. Every month I have maybe $50 to spare and usually it goes towards something in the end anyway. \n\nI need some kind of professional help...talking to friends no longer works like it used to, and coping with my stress just doesn't do it anymore...What can I do about seeing professional help? ", "answer": "If there is a local university- you may see if they have a training clinic. Graduate students training to be therapists ( supervised by licensed therapists) conduct therapy at a low fee or even free.\n\nMay look online to see if there is local community mental health agencies. Some offer free or heavily discounted therapy to low income/uninsured people.\n\nIf all else fails- consider talking to a therapist and explaining your situation. Some will we willing to lower their rates or even do ProBono. \n\nAnd if there are local support groups- you can attend those. These offer some support and some members may be able to offer you local advice.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1ejzt7", "comment_id": "ca0zyi4"}, {"question": "Will cheaters always be cheaters ?", "description": "My boyfriend ( 18 M ) and I ( 21 F ) have been dating for 4 years. I recently found out he (18 M ) cheated on me ( 21 F ) he (18M) cried when I confronted him. We broke up for one week because he came back crying. Will cheaters always be cheaters or do people change ? ", "answer": "not 100%", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71prjl", "comment_id": "dncoiqa"}, {"question": "I'm writing a book about me", "description": "I wanted to write a book a long time ago and this idea came to me just a few days ago\nBasically it's about all my problems I had growing up, the bullies, the family fights, and how i ended going to therapy. Fixed my relationship with my family and got to college where I'm facing new problems.\nI kinda want this to be a history of how a kid of 12 yo started facing all this problems and overcome them to be a better person.\n\nI want to know if anyone of you will be interested in reading a book like this.\nOr should I keep it to myself, maybe I should write about something else?\nI really appreciate your opinions.", "answer": "Go ahead and write it! Don't worry about if it'll be successful or not. I think it will be a great way to understand yourself and your journey in life and at the end of it, you'll have *written a book*, which is far more than most people can say. \n\nI think it's great to take your unique experiences in life and create something lasting and meaningful out of it.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "gmtjz7", "comment_id": "fr5rb54"}, {"question": "Is it possible for me to ask my therapist to modify their approach?", "description": "For context, I returned to seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. We've had 2 sessions, and both have felt extremely uncomfortable. I'm aware that the first sessions aren't particularly the best; in the past 4 years, I've had 2 other therapists. My last therapist was lovely--we parted ways because she moved and I didn't feel I needed more sessions--and I feel like I made a lot of progress with how conversational/interactive and affirming she was. My new therapist is much older and has a different background, and does a sort of sit in silence for a long time and mirror how I'm sitting in hopes that I'll say something. I'd love to ask for more structured sessions if possible, because without the feedback and interaction I feel like I haven't been able to really limit the distress from the initial question she asked and its leaking heavily into my life outside of therapy.   \n\n\nTLDR: Am I allowed to ask for a different approach in sessions? I'm hesitant to find another therapist as it took me almost three weeks to find someone with the same availability and insurance as me, and even then she was the only one I could find.", "answer": "Absolutely 100% appropriate, and if she isn\u2019t able to receive your request without ego and at least attempt to accommodate, I would look elsewhere. During my initial session with new clients, I explicitly encourage feedback and make it clear that my job/goal is to provide support in ways that are most helpful to the client. It isn\u2019t at all about me or my preferences. Therapists train in multiple treatment modalities because people have varying needs, preferences, learning styles etc. \nIt\u2019s also totally fine to terminate with her and find someone else if it feels like you aren\u2019t \u201cclicking\u201d and building some rapport after a few sessions. I know that I\u2019m not going to be the right fit for everyone, and I would much rather a client get their needs met elsewhere than stay with me because they\u2019re worried about hurting my feelings, while not making progress toward their goals. Any therapist with basic ethical standards and skills should have a similar perspective. \n\nGood luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4xc9e", "comment_id": "es6zbng"}, {"question": "Do you think I have Tourette's?", "description": "This might not be the right place for this, and if so, sorry!\n\nSo, first off, I am fifteen, a few months away from sixteen, around 5' 10\", around 135 lbs, male, and American. I have Axen-Feld Reigers syndrome (sp?), consisting of hydrocephalus, glaucoma, and mitral valve prolapse. I take Losartan, along with a shit ton of eye drops.\n\nSo, for at least the last two or so years, I've noticed something about when I talk sometimes. I'll be speaking perfectly clearly, but I'll get randomly stuck on a word, like this.\n\n\"So, when are we go- So when are we go- So when are we going to the store?\"\n\nThere's no warning on when it'll happen, and when it happens, I can't break the loop unless I really concentrate and speak really slowly, practically sounding out each word.This can happen at any time, usually several times a day. And, when that happens, I can repeat myself anywhere from 2-5 times. When it gets to about five, I give up and say something like, \"Ugh, I wish I could talk right now,\" and then I try again, really *really* concentrating hard.\n\nNow, I know for sure it's not the swearing kind of Tourette's, but part of that is because my family is super strict about swearing, and I'm at a point where I don't even swear away, in school, because I'm afraid that I'll let something slip at home. Hell, I've never actually said anything worse than, \"Oh crap!\", and that was when I almost had a burning tree fall on me.\n\nAlso, I just looked up the symptoms, and something else kind of matches too. I often do repetitive movements for *very* long times, like Penn clicking, clapping, tapping my foot, and bouncing my knee. But, I'm not sure if this is actually related, or if I'm just over thinking it.\n\nSo, what do you all think? Is it Tourette's? Is it some kind of speech impediment? Is it nothing at all?", "answer": "That's a stammer, not tourettes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6lc4hg", "comment_id": "djsqoo6"}, {"question": "Ideas to hang out with a girl platonically?", "description": "I am trying to make more friends this semester as I spent my freshman year pretty isolated with high school buddies and close friends of my girlfriend. There's a girl in one of my classes who is really sweet and I think we would be good friends. She's in my girlfriend's sorority, but they barely know each other (which is part of the reason I want to get to know her better, because I am only friends with my girlfriends best friends and not others, I want to expand my social circle). What are some ideas to hang out plantonically? I don't want it to seem like I am asking her out because I am not, I just want to get to know her better as a person. all ideas appreciated", "answer": "If you don't want her to get the wrong idea about you wanting it to be platonic, hang out with her with either your girlfriend present and/or in larger groups of friends/event/party type atmosphere.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9khvx3", "comment_id": "e6z5wg0"}, {"question": "Doesn't my 89-yr-old mother need some vitamins for energy?", "description": "**\\[F\\]\\[109lbs and 5ft 3in\\]\\[89yrs old\\]\\[nonsmoker\\]** These are my mother's stats, I am asking a question about her. She has *stage 4 COPD* \\(since 12\\-16\\) and *heart failure* \\(1\\-14\\). She also has a pacemaker. However, she just got a very good report from her cardiologist \\(3\\-18\\). And she uses Brovana and Pulmicort in her nebulizer twice a day, and Albuterol about 2 or 3 times a day. She does take Warfarin, alternating 1 pill and then 2 pills with the days of the week. She takes medicine that I don't know the names for for her thyroid, blood pressure, and one called isosorbide \\(sp??\\) that I can't remember what it's for, I think it helps her pulmonary valves, and a baby asprin. I can't remember what else, but it's not much. She lives in the deep Southeastern U.S. In very early 2000, she had surgery to repai*r one leaking heart valve and replace an*other.\n\nShe takes naps during the day, and gets anywhere from 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night. But. The **problem is that she says she feels really bad some days, and just has no energy at all.** This has been going on for almost a year. Now with her conditions, I can see how that might be a problem sometimes.\n\nBut she says it happens a great deal of the time. She doesn't have the greatest diet \\-\\- can't eat a lot of vegetables because of the **vitamin K clashing with the Warfarin**. Don't you think some vitamins might make her feel a little better? Give her a little more energy? I know a multivitamin isn't a good idea \\-\\- it might have vitamin K or something else to work against the blood thinner.\n\nBut I would think **vitamin D and B complex \\-\\- or maybe B12 shots** \\-\\- would really help with the fatigue and lack of energy, while C would help keep her immune system boosted, but none of the doctors I've talked to pay any attention to me so far. What do you think? **Or do you have any other ideas to boost energy and help her to feel better?** She can't exercise, so that's out. I'm worried about her; I hate to see her feeling so down.\n\nI would *really, really appreciate* some helpful feedback on this.", "answer": "She is elderly and has serious chronic health issues. It's sad but not terribly surprising that she doesn't feel good.\n\nThe specifics are not my area of expertise, but unless she has vitamin deficiencies there's no evidence that vitamin supplements improve health or energy and some limited population evidence that they can be harmful (although that's looking in the general population, not specific older and sicker groups). Probably the best thing is what exercise she can tolerate\u2014but that might be almost zero. In which case, again, probably with speaking to her doctors about reducing symptoms and improving quality of life. A palliative specialist may be helpful. They're not just for end of life and might have something to contribute.\n\nCOPD and CHF are not easy conditions to manage or live with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b0f3q", "comment_id": "dx2yntw"}, {"question": "What is music therapy and does it work? How does one train for it?", "description": "I came across it and was wondering what it was exactly? Is there singing involved? Does the therapist play the piano or just use youtube? How are songs selected and how much is arbitrary?", "answer": "https://www.musictherapy.org/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gtgbeo", "comment_id": "fsbd0cc"}, {"question": "What do you wish people knew about ADHD?", "description": "TL;DR: what do you wish people knew about ADHD? Happy mental health awareness month!\n\nFor me, a couple things:\n*ADHD meds aren\u2019t more dangerous than any other psychoactive drugs and the stigma around is damaging.\n\n*Impulsivity and poor emotional regulation are part of the symptoms.\n\n*It sucks not to be diagnosed as a child, especially as a girl, they get misdiagnosed all the time with depression or mood disorders.", "answer": "This has fucked with my marriage and my chance of survival (suicide) far more than it has fucked with my academics.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmblvt", "comment_id": "emwy75t"}, {"question": "Today I watched Porn", "description": "So today I couldn\u2019t hold myself and watch porn for about 20 minutes but didn\u2019t fap. I don\u2019t feel that bad really. But now I don\u2019t know if to reset my counter!! \ud83d\ude28 can someone help me please?", "answer": "Personally, I think you should reset it. The question you have to answer is: What negative things about fapping make me want to quit it, and does porn contribute to those negative things too? \n\nAlso, go research the effects that watching porn has - it drops your relationship satisfaction down, your own bodily self-esteem down, etc..", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bpfu03", "comment_id": "ensms6y"}, {"question": "How do i know if i got bitten by a snake", "description": "Age: 21\n\nGender: Female\n\nCountry: Philippines\n\nOther Diagnosis: OCD,  taking lexapro\n\nI was walking in my backyard at night with my dog when a sudden thought occurred to me that what if i got bitten by a snack. I didnt feel intense pain or anything, just mosquito bites and the ants that were biting my feet. I was also walking with a flashlight to check what i am walking on but still the thoughts persist.\n\nIve been checking my feet and scratching them to see any bite marks but all that i do is making wounds on my feet myself.\n\nHow do u check if u have a snake bite, and should i go to the er even when i dont feel anything weird (just my anxiety) or have no puncture wounds at all?\n\nThis is not an emergency.  I am just drowning with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts,  and just need to know about snake bites.", "answer": "Snake bites hurt. You would not miss it. There\u2019s no point in checking any more than you would check to see if someone stabbed you while you were out walking in a city.\n\nTherapy can help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety like that as well, but hopefully this is one particular worry you can be reassured against.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i1tzoi", "comment_id": "fzzul1n"}, {"question": "Is it okay to get lithium prescribed while being burned-out? (Adrenals)", "description": "Male, 27,  1m70, 76 kilograms.\nburn-out due pushing through depression and keep working/doing things.\n\nDiagnosed bipolar, when burn-out started. Have been struggling for years before diagnosis.\n\nIm one month on lithium now. (600mg). Mood is stabilised but Im very burned out. Recovery is very slow. They check my blood frequently.\n\nProblems with eyes and ears (overstimulation)\n\nTyping this is message is difficult. Sorry for not adding more info. I will also ask my doc but I want to hear second opinions please.", "answer": "I'm not sure exactly what you mean by burned out here, but it sounds like you are describing adrenal fatigue. That is not a real diagnosis; it comes from the pseudo-medical world, primarily naturopathy, and has no specific signs, symptoms, tests, or treatment.\n\nWhat you describe could very well be bipolar depression, and lithium is one of the first-line treatments. The dose you are on may be low, but it's something to track carefully, which is the reason for all of those tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c3ah3c", "comment_id": "erpv7q3"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I just usually deep dive on reddit. I read about my hobbies (cycling) watch YouTube videos and get ready for the morning. IWNDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "acov4m", "comment_id": "eda501r"}, {"question": "Has anyone used an online therapy service and if so, what was your experience like? How many times? How long?", "description": "I have a pretty comprehensive list of the startups doing this and have been curious about trying one of the sites that appears to be offering a high quality service, but I don't know if it's OK to post a bunch of websites here and I'd also rather just hear people's experiences. I'm considering one out of New York (state lines aren't an issue?) just because of how comprehensive their sign up/survey process is. I almost went through with it.\n\nThe only one I've used (if it even counts) is Liveperson's Experts. It was a while ago before all these startups were around. I'd seen therapists before for various reasons. The MFT seemed was nice and seemed qualified, but I couldn't get over that I was getting charged by the minute. It just felt so...unsettling to me to see the time counting and know how much I was paying per minute that I'd struggle to see it ever not be an issue for me. I also, for whatever reason, felt the need to record the whole session. I guess I'm a little obsessive about backing stuff up, but she wasn't aware I was doing it. Maybe it wasn't OK with their privacy policy?\n\nMost of the other, newer sites I've seen don't operate like this, but I'm still a little skeptical.", "answer": "I think it's still illegal in a lot of states to counsel someone outside the state. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1w6o8w", "comment_id": "cezcyeu"}, {"question": "Is she cheating? Am I overly worried or blinded by love?", "description": "So redittors, this is my first post on her. Heres the lowdown:\n\nWe've been married six years and seeing each other before that for eight. I've never had a reason to mistrust my wife and she has been extremely loyal and dedicated. \n\nI am currently working abroad (there is a time difference so I was getting up for work when all this went on) and the other night she went with her usual gang of mates... no one to suspect anything with there. So she gets in and missed skype calls me. Which is unusual, so i thought there might be a problem with the kids or something. So I ring back with no answer. A while goes by and I am worried in case she is in trouble.\n\nSo maybe the worst thing I've ever done I check find my iphone (its a shared account before you ask) to make sure she's not at hospital with the kids or something. The weird thing is at four o'clock in the morning her phone is now heading out of town along a main road. I watch it as it goes to a garage and then stops in a village.\n\nIts her new phone and I'm thinking that she's either had it stolen or left it in the taxi. So I ring the house phone and my daughter answers who says she's not there. This is now five in the morning. Now im mega concerned for her safety and generally what is going on. So I try ringing her and whatsapping her. To no response.\n\nI have to go and do some work so I keep an eye on it, but to be honest I was thinking of calling the police as i didn't know what had happened to her. \n\nThen at 0810 the phone starts moving again from that location, again follows roads at the right travel speeds and I follow it back to our house. Again I try ringing to see what was happening. I ring the house phone again and my daughter tells me my wife has just got in.\n\nMy wife then wont speak to me for most of the day, I speak to her best mate who says she dropped my wife off in a taxi at our house at three and has no idea what is going on.\n\nWhen I do speak to my wife she says she was at home, my daughter didn't see her as she had passed out in the ensuite and that she was up and about looking for her bank card that she lost as she was so drunk the night before and hadn't come home then.\n\nI've been away for Xmas and to be frank this has been shit. I've asked about it all but she just denies it and says nothing happened and she was at home the whole time. Not even an excuse like going to an after party. I also checked with apple to see if there can be such discrepancies and they have said no there can't be, which I pretty much thought, the way it was moving.\n\nI know looking from the outside it may seem pretty obvious what has happened, or am I jumping to conclusions? The facts show that her phone defo went to that location and stayed for three hours before returning home. And I think my daughter knows how my wife was dressed when she went out. Also if she was as drunk as she and her friends say she was there's no way she'd be getting up at 0830 to look for her bank card.\n\nI don't want to throw away 8 years and our family, but I really think something has happened. I'm back home in a few days and want to sort this out so it doesn't linger over us but she is just denying everything. Thoughts please guys and girls?", "answer": "you'll just have to talk it out when you get home", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfk6u", "comment_id": "dbnsdtx"}, {"question": "Anyone else who grew up with a narcissistic parent? Gaslight and abuse", "description": "Hey everyone.\nI grew up in abuse and one of the things that really fucked me up was the gaslight and manipulation. I'm in a constant fog of fear and confusion, and never really sure if something is real or Im making it up, which have both kept me in abusive scenarios and made me leave good ones. I cant tell safe people from dangerous people.\n\nIm interested in if anyone else here grew up with the same - and if you got therapy, what kind will help?", "answer": "r/raisedbynarcissists is a good resource too, in case you haven't found it yet", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "891vlk", "comment_id": "dwor5fe"}, {"question": "Need an inpatient facility (can pay)", "description": "Afraid to self commit to regular psych hospital but need help for a month or two. Can pay for facility. Anyone know how to find one?\nI\u2019m female autistic adult. ", "answer": "What country are you in?  If it's the U.S., look on the back of your health insurance card (if you have insurance) and you can usually find provider info on your insurance company's website or there will be a number to call for mental health.  \n\nAlso.... not sure what you mean by \"a regular psych hospital\" but still want to go to an inpatient facility.  Can you explain a little?\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xtbcy", "comment_id": "dub7tcn"}, {"question": "My mother (57F) ended up stealing the hospital sheet that she used during an X-ray, should I be worried?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is common confusion about ionizing radiation and radioactivity.\n\nX-rays are a form of ionizing radiation, which means they can cause damage, particularly to DNA, but they do not make other materials radioactive. At medical imaging doses, the dose is so low that the risk is minimal.\n\nRadioactive materials or radiation sources produce ionizing radiation by nuclear decay. The danger of such materials is if they become widespread, as in nuclear weapons or meltdowns. They don\u2019t induce radioactivity in other materials either.\n\nWhich is all a long-winded way of saying being X-rayed, or even irradiated by beams as part of radiation therapy (cancer treatment, for example) does not make anyone or anything dangerous.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fe682x", "comment_id": "fjmbopc"}, {"question": "should a therapist be alone with a 6 year old", "description": "Is it normal for a therapist to be alone with a 6 year old?", "answer": "Yes. Often , a parent can be brought into the session at the beginning or end,  but therapy needs to be a safe place where the child does not have to worry about the reactions of adults . Even excellent parents have reactions,  and kids pick up on that easily. \n\nWhat , specifically,  are your concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffxgtb", "comment_id": "fk1541i"}, {"question": "Staying with the pain of abandonment and rejection", "description": "From my experiences with C-PTSD, wanted to share here.\n\nWhen we receive a shame message that is too painful to experience, our bodies and minds often come up with ways to **numb or distract us**. The problem is, these makeshift solutions don't fix the inner problem. They actually exacerbate the sense of defectiveness and separation from others.\n\nEmptiness is a common numbing agent, as is boredom. These things convince you to **do something** to relieve the numbness (like change your job, modify your hair, get a tattoo, drive recklessly, binge drink, binge eat, go on a shopping spree, change your relationship, etc - for me it was all about accomplishing stuff). The distractor convinces you that once you do it, you'll feel all better. And maybe you do... for an hour. \n\nBasically, these things ensure that you stay endlessly distracted and search **externally** for solutions to an **internal** issues. \n\nGrandiosity and fantasizing are another part of this. As long as we have these huge ideas of a perfect relationship to save us and cure us, we're 100% distracted from our own inner experience. We're just living in this puffed-up false self that is constantly **hungering for external attention or sympathy to prove its own existence**. \n\nWhen I decided to stop listening to this \"distractor\" in myself, everything shifted. It wasn't easy at first. It fought and threw every trick in the book at me to stay in control - like a demon realizing it had been caught. But I just kept politely declining it and saying: \"I don't need to **do anything** to feel loved\".\n\nI noticed this distractor came up especially during emotional triggers - being ignored was a big one for me. So instead of desperately trying to distract myself whenever those things came up, I just decided to stay with the feeling. And it was horrible. Like incredibly unpleasant, disgusting, painful - this **sense of defectiveness**, of being unwanted and rejectable and inadequate.\n\nNo wonder my body and mind were trying to numb that out! \n\nBut I just stayed with it, over and over again, offering it comfort and love (the same way I would to a wounded animal). With time, that old false self completely crumbled. It gave up. There was no more grandiosity or fantasy land. No more terrible decisions. No more obsessions. \n\nInstead I started identifying as the person nurturing that wound (also me). \n\nIt was like I'd been knocked down a peg and inhabited my true self - my real identity. **It didn't feel good at all.** It wasn't some sort of beautiful reunion. My true self was damaged, weak, insecure, and afraid. I was depressed and suffered from insomnia. Without my distractions, everything started to slow down significantly. \n\nSlowing down means leaving behind the old protective tricks. *Not* trying to prove we're fine and beautiful and successful. *Not* trying to morph ourselves into a perfect mirror image partner so someone else will love us and never abandon us. *Not* trying to fill the void with grandiose fantasies, being rescued / saved by a perfect partner, or seeking sympathy for our tragic victim narrative. \n\nWith personality disorders, I often see mindfulness / meditation approached in a way like \"I'm thinking of kittens and rainbows, healing and processing my past, loving my inner child, it's all so beautiful, I'm crying!\" But then this horrible feeling starts creeping in and the sufferer thinks: \"WTF I was doing mindfulness, why am I feeling WORSE.\" \n\nBecause what's inside is NOT kittens and rainbows. It's this disgusting, unbearable sense of being bad. **The feeling you experience when someone rejects you or leaves you or starts ignoring your texts**. THAT feeling is what you need to non-judgmentally experience in mindfulness. It's a lie someone else put in there a long time ago, because they hated themselves, not because there was something wrong with you.\n\nI believe all the neurosis from C-PTSD based issues come from trying to **avoid** that feeling, rather than stay with it. \n\nDaily mindfulness practice can help the sufferer identify \"this is real but not true\". And as you build a loving relationship with your self (not just the \"good\" feelings, but the bad ones too), the body will feel safe expressing its worst fear to you, so it can finally be resolved. ", "answer": "I'm saving this because I need to remind myself I need to do this ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "65jjim", "comment_id": "dgasdqk"}, {"question": "All I wanted to do was brush my hair...", "description": "[So frustrating.](http://imgur.com/8my3dw0) My testosterone is high, Im losing hair where I dont want to and gaining even more elsewhere not wanted. Trying to get pregnant - so no birth control or spironolactone. So frustrated. ", "answer": "Try nizoral shampoo. Ketoconazole (topical. don't take oral ketoconazole!) is an anti-androgen. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "459vn2", "comment_id": "czy5xcb"}, {"question": "Curious to know what T'a think of Brene Brown?", "description": "Is she good? Do you recommend her to your Patients?", "answer": "I think so. And I do", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bq9704", "comment_id": "eo3gegn"}, {"question": "My [17/F] boyfriend [19/M] posted a picture of his ex and doesn't think he did anything wrong and refused to remove it.", "description": "I found his reddit recently and when I did I saw that one of his most recent posts was of his ex. I brought it up and he claimed that he just thought people would like the picture and that's why he posted it but I have a major problem with it. This happened a few weeks ago and it's all I can think about ever since and it's ruining everything for me. What makes it worse is that she lives close to him and I live over 2,000 miles away and he's told me that she wants him and if he wanted he could be with her which made me feel even worse. Also, the picture posted was from quite a long time ago off of facebook which would mean that he would have had to have been looking through the profile. He claims that a friend of his commented on it and it popped up in the news feed but I checked and the most recent comment was from months ago. When I asked him to delete it and told him how much it hurt me he refused. Oh and then he posted a captioned picture of me from over a year ago that wasn't as popular and he told me it was because I \"looked like a slut\" and guys don't like that and that she looked classier. I've talked to him several times about it but I always end up feeling worse when I do. I've been with my boyfriend for eleven months and I don't know what to do about this. Any and all support will be much appreciated.", "answer": "You've talked about some major red flags. Run and run now. You're young and haven't invested too much time into this \"boy.\" He sounds emotionally abusive and I imagine it'll only get worse. Why waste more time on someone who makes you miserable. I've known my husband since I was 13 years old and I'm 26 now. We've been best friends the entire time (but only married 2 years) and know how many times he's made me miserable? Zero. We disagree, sure. But he is respectful 100% of the time. That's what love is. Respect and kindness. Please know that if you move on and have high standards for what you'll accept from others that you will find someone MUCH better. You don't want to regret wasting YEARS with this guy. Or have him end up being your ex-husband or shitty father to your children. Let him go on, mature and figure out how he should treat females (or at least let him make others miserable until they learn the same lesson you are). I was with 2 boyfriends in the past that were similar to yours. Was with one for 3 years and the other for 7 years. It was painful and sucked. I learned good life lessons but I wish I had learned them quicker and didn't have to do all the repair from the damage I allowed them to cause.  Life's too short, man. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2n1s0t", "comment_id": "cm9nxdg"}, {"question": "Emergency: What is the safest country for someone who is at risk of being accused of apostasy to go to?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Not shure Reddit is a safe place for this kind of question. I suppose Nothern Europe is an option.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "b1xn9j", "comment_id": "eiovlxl"}, {"question": "Following on from /u/amazonri's question, what is a path a severe sufferer of Social Anxiety could start walking NOW that would hopefully restore some normalcy to their life in 6 months time?", "description": "Please no vague, low effort or snarky answers like 'get a job'. I would like to see more detailed and helpful advice for users of the sub and anyone who is in a dark place and seeking help. Many SA sufferers are of a logical and rigid mindset and like to have a plan or a roadmap to tackle the challenges they face. Modern society however can be a very daunting place for us as it is chaotic and unpredictable. Finding work especially can be made very difficult by SA, especially if you are long-term unemployed and isolated to begin with. \n\nIf anyone here has a past experience of  employing a practical plan to improve their condition and it working for them please share it. I really could entail anything. What might be helpful is to explain it like accepting a quest in a video game and providing a walk-through all the way to completion. That would be great ;)  \n\nExtra: I know this question overlaps with /u/amazonri's question somewhat but please don't worry about it. Share your action plan here in a clear, organised way ready for others to follow if they wish.      ", "answer": "In 1873 there was published a book on rehabilitating traumatized horses, Tachy Hippodamia, by Willis Powell. In it he describes how a horse might be sensitized through trauma to the point where it cannot tolerate the approach of a human. In the book he advocates a procedure of gradual and incremental desensitization. I suggest that your condition is one that can be corrected via the same process. Exposure must be increased very gradually so that repeated exposures at each increase in intensity are comfortable. This approach can be combined with hypnosis or breathing meditation or yoga. The main thing is that you must take ownership of the process and consider it taming yourself. Read the second chapter of the Bhagavad Gita for inspiration. What you are experiencing is the human condition we are the animals that understand that we are going to grow old fall sick and die.  What you are experiencing happens to everyone at some time in their life but we call it different things. Mahatma Ghandi lived by the second chapter of the Gita and he said it gave him courage.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7go1dh", "comment_id": "dql6zu6"}, {"question": "Newly diagnosed, Progesterone to trigger period", "description": "So I was just diagnosed and my gyn has started me on progesterone at 200mg for two weeks to trigger a period since I haven't really had one for about 6 months. Does anyone have experience with this, how long did it take for your period to begin? ", "answer": "did the progesterone increase your appetite? or change your appetite at all?", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3wj1vm", "comment_id": "cy1xuv0"}, {"question": "One therapy session down.", "description": "Still processing. Right now it's kind of like it happened to someone else. Feeling mostly embarrased, and like a pathetic, whiny asshole. Not at all how I was expecting to feel afterwards. Anyone want to weigh in? Tell me how awful their first session was so I can stop feeling like this? ", "answer": "I've felt this way in my own therapy. It is weird... like you are talking but it is somehow about someone else's life. Sometimes I think depression is functional and shields us from connecting more deeply with our pain. If it is happening to someone else, it isn't so painful...", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1vv4ld", "comment_id": "cew5sqx"}, {"question": "Day 3! Feeling great!", "description": "Wow, my second day of work without being hung over, this is awesome. My first sober night I managed to have pizza with out beer which was a little hard. But I've been drinking a lot of seltzer water to replace the carbonated sensation(I don't drink soda). I have been biking a lot to keep busy, 8 miles last night, 5 the night before that. The only real issue I've had is not falling asleep, but staying asleep. I took melatonin and probably woke up like 10 times last night with reoccurring dreams. Overall though, this has been easier than I thought. Thank you /stopdrinking, finding this sub gave me a kick in the ass.", "answer": "Wow, count your blessings!  Day 3 was fucking miserable for me.  I'm thrilled to hear that you're staying active and doing well.  My one piece of unsolicited advice would be to bear in mind that sobriety is not always going to feel as good as it does right now; the pitfalls of life are still there and you're still going to hit them.  Be grateful for your good feelings now and hang in there when it gets rocky.  Remember that there's nothing in life that drinking can't make worse!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "223gvi", "comment_id": "cgj8fzj"}, {"question": "Im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh I think I\u2019m a little bit ADHD too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "So many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.\n\nIt just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that ADHD is the reason things I sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.\n\nIt seems that since people without ADHD always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of ADHD\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little ADHD\u201d \n\nAnd if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about ADHD or something. \n\nTL:DR\n\nPeople tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little ADHD\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "I\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. I think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive. \n\nThe way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me I had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until I was about 22), was that I thought different from other people. That whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and I internalized that as being special. \n\nNow my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, I didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated  as a personal failure (high IQ= if I had really tried the result would have been better). And then I almost felt like I was cheating when I got on medication at 22 because I felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field).  But I still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow MORE than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc).  \n\nFor me it\u2019s like.... okay so I suffer from migraines, but I don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/I have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. They\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump. \n\nI don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how I stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "dvr0d7j"}, {"question": "My anxiety is keeping me from seeking help.", "description": "Hello there. I'd like to be properly diagnosed, not quite sure what it is, Asperger's would explain a lot, so would certain personality disorders, can't tell for sure what it may be.\n\nThe problem is: I hate talking to doctors. Always have. At least dentists don't expect you to talk when they're poking your gums, but other kinds of medical personnel are something I can't deal with very well.\n\nAny idea how to overcome this problem? 'Cause I don't think a psychiatrist would be of any help when I'm not in a condition to cooperate.", "answer": "Talk to a counselor, not a doctor. A counselor is going to have a lot of training to help you feel at ease with them -- especially one that specializes in Asperger's.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dr9co", "comment_id": "c9t34cn"}, {"question": "Is it possible to have PTSD from your partner cheating?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "So, \"criterion A\" for a diagnosis of PTSD in the DSM is pretty strict: either direct or indirect exposure to death or threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence. (Note that this does not mean you don't meet diagnostic criteria for anything; I am not willing or able to diagnose via internet post. This is not a diagnosis or medical/psychological advice.)\n\nHowever, that does not mean that this incident did not affect you; it definitely sounds like it did, and it sounds like you could use some help, especially given the duration of these symptoms. Are you open to calling a therapist and scheduling a first appointment?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fe4ki9", "comment_id": "fjlzofn"}, {"question": "Mom has Amnesia", "description": "I just got home from work tonight and my mom has been in a state of amnesia. When I asked, she said she didn't hit her head or take any medication. She mentioned a few times how she was confused because she was napping and she claims to have dreamt things she actually did in real life (e.g. buy kiwis and gum). She couldn't tell me what month it was. To say this is unsettling is truly an understatement. I've never seen any worrying signs of memory loss in her. She seemed completely fine when I left for work. I'm really worried. Obviously she will see a doctor ASAP. I pray to God she wakes up okay. This night has changed my life forever. Like most of you, I love my mom more than anything in the world and this is a deeply humbling experience. I urge you all to express your love to your fullest capabilities. Every day is truly a priceless gift we must stop taking for granted. Any prayers and/or words of advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you. ", "answer": "Do these experiences come on suddenly? It's bordering on urgent assessment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5foz41", "comment_id": "damhoyy"}, {"question": "Can you take too many vitamins?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: Female\nHeight: 5\u20193\u201d\nWeight: 126 lbs\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of Complaint: N/A\nLocation: Michigan\nRelevant Medical Issues: poor diet\nCurrent Medications: Mono-Linyah birth control and Lexapro 20mg\n\n\nI\u2019ve never been a healthy eater per se, mainly due to my anxiety and depression so I\u2019ve started taking regular vitamins. Right now I take 60mg of iron, 65mg of ginkgo biloba and 500 mg of niacin (due to higher than normal cholesterol). I want to start taking Vitamin B12 and magnesium as well, but I\u2019m just curious, can I be taking too many vitamins/supplements? I don\u2019t want to accidentally cause harm to my body.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "It's possible to overdose on some vitamins, but for water soluble ones like B12 and magnesium it's difficult enough to be impractical. However, for most people, there's also no clear benefit to taking vitamins. The research isn't strong, but there's a correlation between vitamin supplements and worse health outcomes.\n\nMy sense is that unless you're taking vitamins for something specifically they're not worth the money. They aren't just generically good for you, and even an ostensibly lousy American diet usually doesn't produce actual nutritional deficiencies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bdwps3", "comment_id": "el1hivg"}, {"question": "[20/M] My girlfriend [21/F] admitted sex makes her feel bad", "description": "I may post this in r/sex if that is more helpful, but this is still a relationship question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. She's intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and always puts others before herself. We instantly clicked but on our first date I remembered her telling me she moves very slowly in relationships. After three dates we were officially dating, but she asked to keep it off Facebook. It took another two dates until we even kissed, and two weeks after that to start fooling around (nakedness but not actual sex).\n\nAfter four months we still hadn't slept together, she always got tense when I moved things intimately. I asked her why and she'd just shrug it off, so I backed off. Eventually she admitted while she had fooled around with a past boyfriend, she was a virgin. I insisted it wasn't a big deal, and two months later we finally had sex.\n\nShe doesn't usually initiate, but always seems eager when we sleep together. She's come a long way, makes sure she does things that I like, but I recently realized she gets very uncomfortable whenever I focus on her. I thought maybe she was insecure about how she looked, but she'll have sex with the lights on and has never complained about her body before.\n\nLong story short, I started foreplay when she was over last night and she was in to it until I started paying her too much attention. Like I pulled her hands away from touching me to go down on her (she's never let me do that). She got really tense and asked me to stop. I of course backed off and asked her if she was okay, she said yes but to not do that, and I asked her why. When she started to shrug it off I was more firm and said I wanted to know why she won't let me focus just on her.\n\nShe burst in to tears and I felt like a complete jackass. I didn't yell or anything, and she's never cried before. She told me that her ex was her first sexual partner (as in being sexual, they never had sex) but he made her feel awful about sex. When she said she was a virgin it was like a huge fetish and all he cared about was taking her virginity. She said he'd get her drunk, feel her up in public, initiate when she said no and wouldn't stop until she physically got him off of her. My girlfriend said sex was always a one-way thing that wouldn't end until he got off no matter what. He made her pleasure some kind of bargaining chip like \"if I made you feel good now you HAVE to get me off.\"\n\nMy girlfriend said all she thought about while having sex was making sure I was happy. Like her end goal was never to feel good herself, it was to get me off so our relationship didn't end up like that. She started going on and on about how she knows sex for guys is the most important part of dating and was afraid if I tried to get her to orgasm (which she never has because she stops me) I'd use it against her.\n\nHonestly I had NO idea she thought of sex like that. I finally got her to calm down and said this was a discussion we should have after she slept on it. I don't know what to do. Basically my girlfriend thinks sex is just to satisfy me and I'd somehow use her getting off as an excuse to escalate to things she might not want to do. I feel so bad because she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and for some douche to use her inexperience against her like that... ugh.\n\nI just don't know how to talk to her about it. We're meeting up tomorrow night. Do I take a break from sex with her and say only when she's ready we'll start up again? She feels like somehow she's broken and she isn't, she just dated a douche and tried hard to seem like the perfect girlfriend.\n\n**tl;dr:** Girlfriend of 8 months and I started having sex 2 months ago. She admitted the reason she won't let me focus on her pleasure is because her ex made sex all about him and used her feeling good as an excuse to escalate his own needs. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "Go slow. Be patient. Let her be in control of how this evolves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u73kc", "comment_id": "dlqiuas"}, {"question": "[24/M] Don't know if I should stay with my girlfriend (23/f) after some life changing events when we have different life plans/personalities.", "description": "Hi all, I really hate to do this, but I really need some advice right now and most of my friends are equally as close with my girlfriend as they are with me.\n\nTo begin, my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for nearly 5 years now, on and off. Every time we've taken a break, I've been the one to initiate it. We met in high school, dated throughout college, and moved in together right after graduation to Oregon.\n\nLiving together was great. In a lot of ways we balanced each other out, I'm very sporadic, she's very organized. We would hang out most weekdays and weekends, smoking weed, maybe drinking a couple of beers watching tv or whatever. Sometimes we'd go out, do stuff outdoors, etc.  It was comfortable, but somewhat boring. I found myself constantly daydreaming about moving abroad, doing something crazy, whatever.\n\nFast forward a year and a half and my dad dies very suddenly. Him and I were super close, talking a couple of times a week, making each other crack up, etc. Obviously, I was quite shaken up and probably will be for years to come. After all the ceremonies, a couple of weeks with my mom and brother, I moved back in with my girlfriend.\n\nAt this point, things were going just about as well as possible after the loss of a close love one. My girlfriend was very supportive as was my manager. Things kind of went back to normal, when out of nowhere the company I was working had to do massive layoffs. I knew exactly what was coming when my manager called me in to let me go.\n\nGetting let go sucked, but I tried to see the positive in the situation by letting myself relax for a bit. While my girlfriend went to work, I sat at home, played video games and smoked weed. It was nice, but after about a week and a half I was incredibly bored. I started looking for jobs and realized how little I wanted to commit living in the city that I was in. On a whim, I applied to an internship abroad and got a couple of days later.\n\nI moved using money from my dad's life insurance and that's where I am now. I'm happier than ever, but in a lot of ways more confused than ever. I realized after about a month of living here that I don't miss my girlfriend at all. I know she misses me because she consistently skypes me crying and messages me talking about how she needs me home, etc. I feel terrible about it. She's a great person, I love her, honestly but I barely think about her. I know it sounds horrible, but I've been having so much fun, feeling closer to myself than ever. Interacting with her feels more like a burden than something to look forward to.\n\nI have a month left in the program, but feel like I need to live here full time once I figure out my visa stuff. I can't imagine moving back home with her, not because it is bad or anything, just because it sounds so boring. I don't know what to do about this and I need your advice. Please let me know if you have any questions and thanks in advance.", "answer": "Seems like the distance gave you pause for reflection, and it seems you've moved on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67isw8", "comment_id": "dgqqxqg"}, {"question": "Back to school sobriety sale!!!! (roll call)", "description": "I've noticed in the last few weeks a surge of younger folks joining us which is awesome!! Since a common shared concern is that \"I'm to young for this!\" I thought we should do an age roll call, perhaps putting you in touch with others that share your struggles and your age will be of some comfort for what is ahead of you. I don't care who PM's me but if you would rather talk to someone who isn't old enough to be your mom, now you know who fits the bill!\n\nI'll start, 38 next week.", "answer": "19 now. Got sober at the age of 17.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2c6w4f", "comment_id": "cjco4nr"}, {"question": "Just little BPD things: snapping at someone you're splitting on and the anxiety you get from it after the whole 5 seconds of feeling good.", "description": "ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY", "answer": "[I just posted about something very similar in another sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7b56jl/i_lose_control_when_i_feel_physically/)", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7b5kig", "comment_id": "dph0f8s"}, {"question": "Why i'm i [29/m] often doubting my relationship with my partner [30/f]?", "description": "Since we met i felt doubt, i wanna strive for a rich life with meditation, yoga, finding your true self etc. I was interested in researching psychedelics, consciousness and similar things. She on the other hand had a very protected upbringing, only child in her family and pretty scared of new things. She's interested in exploring life but not at all the way i want to do it.\n\nSomething in me really wants to stay with her, she's really trustworthy, caring and intelligent. But there are minor things that add up and frustrates me. \n\n* I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.\n\n* Her general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.\n\n* She doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).\n\n* She doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\n\n* Her only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.\n\nI'm not sure what to do, i feel so alone sometimes and i have this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach as if i want to express something that i'm unable to with her. We've tried going to couples counselling. I was advised to not critique and she was advised to try to let her guard down toward life.\n\nWe have been together for 5 years. I want a future with her but i feel so incredibly hopeless and depressed when these things happen. Something in me really wants to stay with her but another part of me has a longing of exploring something else, something that's maybe better. This doubt really exhaust and depresses me.\n\nCan anyone relate? How did you handle your doubt or situation?\n\nI just want to find a constructive and sustainable way out of this intermittent suffering. Because we have our good moments too, it's not all bad. This happens especially when i'm tired, had a bad day or when i'm thinking alot.", "answer": "I want to strive for a more relaxed and real lifestyle and feel it's difficult for me to be that way when she's really perfectionistic and likes to tidy up and gets all stressed up about it.**if you are very different in this regard, and can't find common ground, then you just have to accept that your 'ways' are going to be different. often couples like this have separate spaces in their house they can call their own**\nHer general knowledge is limited and she's insecure about it and often complains she feels dumb and even has a belief that she's unable to understand math. Also because she doesn't have a university degree she feels inferior unfortunately.**it's up to her to decide how educated she wants to be. you can help if she wants but ultimately she has to own it**\nShe doesn't understand playful sarcasm or my jokes most of the time which limits flow in our conversations (this frustration stings so bad).**doesn't sound like someone you can joke with. sarcasm imo is a bad trait with no upside**\nShe doesn't have the same interests as me and isn't interested in finding new hobbies or interests. I've tried introducing her to meditation, yoga and even video games. She loses interest so quickly.\nHer only down time interests at home is watching drama series (not the western kind) and \"howto\"-makeup videos. She's not interested in keeping on par with what's going on with the internet or the world and relies on me to understand new words, slang, events, viral jokes etc.**if you have zero shared interests, it's pretty hard to make it as a couple. again, she has to decide  if she wants to be more enaged and self-actualized in life.  and you have to decide if she's boring or not stimulating enough to sustain a life together**", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5w3rrm", "comment_id": "de74avj"}, {"question": "How come finding a good endocrinologist is so hard?", "description": "I'm a type 1 diabetic living in Los Angeles so I should have options, right?  But the only good person I've found is at UCLA and that's really far for me.  So I know good ones exist, but many more bad ones.\nWho or what is responsible for such poor quality MDs in this field?\nDoes the endocrinology field attract the least talented for any reason?  \n(I know there are many factors to consider like insurance policies, poor administrators, and the fast evolution of diabetic hardware must be difficult for MD offices to keep up with.)\n\n\n", "answer": "How do you/we know whos good or bad anyway?\n\n(COI: Naive UK doc)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5z6g5f", "comment_id": "devoist"}, {"question": "I really need help about to go into depression...", "description": "So me [17, M] and my girlfriend [16,F] have been dating for about 2 and a half months. In that time we have had more than like 5 arguments, big ones. I don't know what to do anymore. The main issue is time. She doesn't have time alot because she always is so involved. In a week i get to see her like 2 or 3 times and honestly that is not enough for me. But i feel bad everytime i mention it because she says she doesn't know what to do. She has to skip or make excuses to her activities to see me and everytime she does this it makes me sad. I hate that she has to make excuses to spend time with me, her boyfriend. All of our issues basically are because of time. But i also thought maybe i'm too needy. My friend told me that for the first 5 months he dated his girl, they met almost everyday. I never felt so much envy and jealousy. Am in the wrong for wanting to see her more? I know she's busy because she has school, activities and volunteering but i hate that our relationship has become sort of like a schedule where we have a set amount of times we meet a week. I wish our relationship could be one where we meet whenever we want. Do you have any advice for me? I am so unhappy these days and i'm thinking whether it's worth dating her. I do love her but at the same time it's hard to be with her. I am going to college this fall and i am not sure if this is a relationship i want to continue in college. The girl herself is amazing and i love her alot but this relationship isn't going too well and i don't know what to do. Can you please help me with this because if i can i want this relationship to work.", "answer": "you have to either accept the time she has, or move on. if it were me, i'd stay with 'amazing'. amazing is hard to find!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66jh3w", "comment_id": "dgj38l0"}, {"question": "So I gambled away $400 tonight", "description": "Would meds stop me from needing that kind of rush? When I have been on meds I haven't gambled anywhere near as much or felt urges to gamble.", "answer": "Depends on the medication.  Antidepressants might help curb the desire to escape the depression through gambling.  The \"rush\" is a different experience though, and mood stabilizers like lithium or other meds often prescribed for bipolar symptoms might help curb the urges/cravings, especially if one is feeling manic in other ways.\n\nInterestingly, some research demonstrates *Naltrexone* and *N-Acetyl cysteine*(over the counter!) can be helpful in affecting gambling urges. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1b8f7r", "comment_id": "c94nssf"}, {"question": "Really, really bad alcohol withdrawal symptoms [35][M]", "description": "Good morning. Before you hit me with rule 4, please know that I've already called 911 and the paramedics left about an hour ago. My vitals were fine, but my symptoms are indeed severe. I'm currently having a drink to abate them so I wouldn't call this an immediate \"emergency.\"\n\nHere are my details: 35 y/o male. 6'2\", 275 lbs. Have smoked since age 12, but my alcohol withdrawal symptoms have been so severe that I haven't smoked this week. No recreational drugs, but I drink a substantial amount. When I say substantial, I mean an absolutely heroic amount of alcohol each day. Between 4-5 pints of Wild Turkey 101 Whiskey. My daily drinking has been going on for around 5 months (between 2-3 pints), but the insane amount that I just mentioned has been going on for 2 weeks.\n\nHere's my problem: I start to go into withdrawal around 3-4 hours after my last drink. Heavy tremors, very profuse sweating, panic and anxiety, restlessness, rapid heart rate and palpitations, hallucinations, and I hear things that aren't there. I've only made it perhaps 45 minutes into the onset of these symptoms before grabbing a glass, and they were so bad that I could scarcely pour or lift it to my mouth to start drinking and get rid of the symptoms.\n\nAs I mentioned, earlier this morning I called 911 due to the symptoms and the paramedics came out. My vitals were fine, though I did have high BP (which I already knew). They asked if I wanted them to take me in. I asked them what I should do since they're medical professionals and they said they couldn't advise me. Even so, one of them said off the record that it's not a good idea to head to the ER under current conditions. As a layman I can understand why. They're quite busy right now. If I were to show up there and hang out in the waiting room with no alcohol my symptoms would either seriously endanger my life within 3-4 hours of cessation as I sit there waiting, or I'd freak people out due my restlessness, hallucinations, and hearing things.\n\nThe paramedics advised me to call my PCP and psychiatrist. Both offices are closed, but I left a message with both of them. My question is: Is there a NON-er place I can go where they can look after me? I get no sleep because the symptoms come on so quickly and I have to get up to drink. I'm not eating and haven't for several days. Can I just show up at like a psychiatric hospital or something? I cannot keep drinking like this. The withdrawal symptoms are just too severe and terrifying.\n\nThank you", "answer": "Plenty responses but as an addiction psychiatrist I should probably say something briefly.\n\n2 choices - either continue drinking at the same level or seek a medically assisted detox. Stopping abruptly is potentially fatal (DTs a few days into sobriety) at the level of consumption youre drinking at.\n\nKeep us updated.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmg62o", "comment_id": "fl6sqqq"}, {"question": "I was asked to give the toast at a Wedding, yesterday.", "description": "My friends wedding, and my brother was supposed to give the toast, but he was already drunk by the time of the toast, so I was handed a glass of champagne and asked to take his place. so..... somehow as if in a dream, I saw myself do this, I put the glass down, picked up a glass of water, and toasted, in front of 200 people with a glass of water. It's weird, and Im not bragging, I feel like as if a brick fell off a building and for some reason, I moved to the left, and it missed me. I don't feel proud, just relieved, relieved and lucky. Today is day 5 for me.\n", "answer": "Well done. Weddings can be tricky...between frees bars, toasts etc its not easy. Good work indeed..", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8koup1", "comment_id": "dzasdj3"}, {"question": "My low self esteem and sadness keeps getting in the way of my marriage", "description": "In arguments with my husband, I tend to push him away. I rarely feel good enough for him so I try to convince him to move on.  He always fight for me, though, and end up holding me and promising we'll be okay and so will I. It's gotten to the point that he's done bc I won't fight for him the same way he does for me. I want to so bad. I want him to know I do. But I can't show it bc of thoughts. They yell at me that I'm holding him back. \n\nWe've gone a break now so I can find myself again. How do I fight for him? How do I make myself better?", "answer": "Therapy. Medications. Finding sources of happiness in your own life so you don't tail off into despair. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6ha", "comment_id": "dhgq04z"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "This can be \"delayed sleep phase syndrome,\" where your natural sleep cycle is just shifted later than the rest of the world. If you can keep your natural schedule, it's healthy, but there are often a lot of practical barriers to doing so like school and work that expect you to be up in the morning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g79az7", "comment_id": "fog8g8u"}, {"question": "Depressed and everyone thinks I'm doing okay, but only because I'm too paranoid to tell them how I'm really doing", "description": "F, 35, white\n\ndepression with psychosis (hearing voices), anxiety\n\nI've had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. In and out of the hospital for the last 12 years or so until about 2 years ago. Since then I've managed to stay out. I see a therapist and psychiatrist and have a lot of people who are supposed to help me. In the last few months everyone thinks I am doing so much better, but that is because I have forced myself to put on a happy face and talk more and smile and pretty much fake it. But it's because I've become so paranoid of everyone's intents and don't trust that they are looking out for my best interests. I worry that they are going behind my back and talking about me and plotting against me. I am not normally paranoid.  The only psychotic feature of my depression has been auditory hallucinations, and those haven't gotten any worse.  I am right on the edge between seeing that this is not rational to think this way, but still not being able to get past my beliefs and concerns to actually talk to anyone, so it just gets worse.\n\nI don't trust medications anymore. I have tried so many already, antidepressants and antipsychotics. The ones that helped I couldn't seem to tolerate or eventually stopped working. The ones I could tolerate didn't help. Now I worry that the doctors were really spending the last 20 years trying to poison me with these medications and they are using current circumstances to try to get me back on medications that will hurt me.\n\nI know how crazy this (I) sound(s.) I just don't know what to do about it.\n\nI realize that nobody can help me if I can't tell them what is going on, but how can I tell them what is going on when I secretly think they want to hurt me? \n\nI need to figure this out before I end up cancelling my psychiatrist appointment next week because I think she'll poison me with meds. Or before I cancel my next therapy appointment because she is secretly recording me and playing it for everyone I know to hear. Besides, every time I leave the house for appointments, people come in to my apartment and go through all of my things. (All huge, very real fears of mine right now.)\n\nIs the a chance this is more than just my depression at this point? Could I lose the ability to see that these are irrational fears?\n\nHow do I approach this with my doctor when I feel like she is part of the problem? (Even though I know that the problem is me.)", "answer": "Has any other diagnosis been considered such as emotionally unstable personality disorder?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jo47m", "comment_id": "dbil54k"}, {"question": "35/F with 36/M and we have NO sexual chemistry but everything else is great.", "description": "Hi Im a 35/F and my guy is 36. We have been together about 18 mo and live an hour or so away...we're very much compatable and do an amazing job as a team with regard to everytihng from goals to communication to love.....we just dont have sex. Maybe 5 times total. He doesnt initiate it at all. The few times we have, he's gone soft or I get dry. It just doesnt work and to be honest, I dont even want to try at this point. \n\nWould you guys leave?? Its so frustrating when I bring it up, he says its me (not taking initiative) but dang, last thing I remember is actually feeling wanted by my exes and that lead to sex actually happenning. He is just content to drink (yes, he's over weight and drinks and smokes) and hang out. \n\nI hate it and I want to leave him but I love everything else about us. ", "answer": "are you prepared for a celibate life? most aren't. go to couple therapy. have him talk to his doc about viagra.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6q60lz", "comment_id": "dkv237a"}, {"question": "How much were you aware of your productive hyperfocus before you knew you had ADHD, especially for late diagnoses?", "description": "I used to be able to feel like I had something, another gear to me. I kept trying to find ways to synthesize it.", "answer": "I was very aware.  I used to think it just had to do with anxiety and lack of motivation.  One of my professor's used to say to me \n\n\n\"You're such an incredible student, but you won't get any work done until you have a gun to your head (referring to hard deadlines without any chance of catching a break).  Then you do great work, but you never give yourself enough time to edit.\"\n\n\nI figured out how to harness it, but it was basically self-medication with a ton of coffee and cigarettes.  Now, I can get in these hyperfocus states when needed fairly easily just by taking my meds.  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at7n8v", "comment_id": "egze90k"}, {"question": "Almost made it through christmas", "description": "I'm about 2.5 weeks sober and I made it through a Christmas eve party with a bunch of friends and now I'm almost through a small christmas gathering with my sister and her fiance. I decided to not fly home to be with my immediate and extended family, as I knew the temptations would be greater. It's hardly felt like Christmas but at least I made it through without drinking. \n\nSo glad to be able to check in with you all. Hope everyone else had some success getting through the holidays.", "answer": "Awesome to see your dedication is greater than you fear of being uncomfortable in New decisions. What a great start to your work towards a better life. Woot!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y8pya", "comment_id": "cybhag6"}, {"question": "I thought I was improving", "description": "I started CBD about a year ago and am now on a 63 day Headspace streak. But this weekend has been the toughest in several months. Any advice on overcoming what seem to be a plateau? I know what set it off. Something small but a constant source of angst for me.", "answer": "My rules for alcohol is - it\u2019s a problem when it\u2019s a problem. And how to know if it\u2019s a problem is to see if it is causing problems with your relationships, your job, your health, or your legal status/freedom.  If any of these areas are being negatively impacted because of your drinking, you have a problem. The term \u201calcoholic\u201d is played out. It\u2019s too vague and therefore easy for people to dismiss for anything other than a homeless guy under a bridge. \n\nJust wanted to put in my two cents there on that.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "dxs4dp", "comment_id": "f7xee43"}, {"question": "Sleep problems", "description": "25/male/caucasian/ 6'1\"/157 lbs\n\nlately i've been having insomnia. I sleep on average 4 hours a night. I wake up around 9 and fall asleep at ~5. You would think this would make me more tired as my sleep deprivation continues, but for some reason it doesn't get worse, and I never feel tired. I don't sleep in the day, and i'm never drowsy. I drink about 1-2 cups of coffee in the morning, and so far my cognition is normal. This has been going on for a few weeks now and is becoming kind of unnerving. Does anyone have any insight as to why this could be happening?", "answer": "[Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/sleepproblems/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52pl7y", "comment_id": "d7mnqmz"}, {"question": "No conversation skills at ALL", "description": "So I like people. I love to be included and  be around my friends. But I've found when I am one on one with someone, I can't think of nothing to say. I end up bringing up weird, awkward things and distancing people from me. \n\nI just don't know any \"normal\" conversation starters. I also don't know what to do if I seem to say an alright thing (\"What are you doing when the summer starts?\" \"-insert funny thing- happened today. Crazy, huh?\") and they don't reply or they just say one word or sentence and don't speak again. How do I get people to keep talking to me?", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "34a5ne", "comment_id": "cqthkwn"}, {"question": "Question regarding how to ask for medication regimen.", "description": "40/F/5'6/Caucasian/Ongoing for years\n\nI am currently under the care of a regular talk doc (psychologist), but the medicine doc (psychiatrist) in this particular practice keeps changing.  For the longest time I was on a regimen of Zoloft 100mg daily for depression, with Xanax at .5mg as needed, up to 2x or 3x daily.  In 2013 my dad passed away and I was bumped up to 200mg of Zoloft, and in 2015 I was pregnant so I was basically off all meds during that time.  At the end of the pregnancy, I was able to slowly get back onto Zoloft, and because of some severe post-partum anxiety, I was allowed to take a max of 4 Xanax per day. \n\nBecause the doctors in the office have been revolving, every 3-6 months I have to meet with a new doctor, re-explain everything, and hope they will either keep me on the Zoloft/Xanax, or want to try me on something new.  The last doctor who was in the practice was very, very anti Xanax and would only fill my Rx as 1 per day, PRN.  He also put me on Buspirone, 5mg 2x per day and this really kicked my moods into darn near suicidal.  When I brought this up to him, he did not want me to stop taking the Buspirone, but instead asked me to bump up my Zoloft to 200mg (and again, no increase on the Xanax). \n\nThat doctor is since gone, and tomorrow I see the latest doctor who will hopefully stay in the practice for a while.  How do I best present that I would like to go back to the regimen that seemed to work out the best for me without making it sound like I am trying to self-diagnose myself?  I live in an area where, unfortunately, I think they are used to people abusing the system and I am not one of those people.  I really, really don't feel stable on the Buspirone, and while some days I feel OK if I only take one Xanax, there are days where my anxiety is so much worse and I wish I could take a second pill without the worry of running out by the end of the month.  \n\nHopefully this all makes sense.  Thanks in advance for any advice you are able to give. ", "answer": "I would suggest that you say to the doctor what you've said here. Especially if you're in one practice the records should remain available, but what you ask for is not unreasonable.\n\nFor what it's worth, though, many doctors will be uncomfortable with Xanax and possibly unwilling to continue to prescribe it. That's about the demonizing of benzodiazepines, which is not without reason. Still, if that won't be continued then you should be able to talk about why and what he or she can offer as a suggestion instead.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9wh2ha", "comment_id": "e9kjrm2"}, {"question": "I'm attracted to my best friends sister.... help", "description": "Hi this is a throw away since my buddy knows my real account. Anyways I am 19 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were kids. \nWe basically grew up together. In the past 6 months I have developed a crush towards his sister... she is the same age as me and we recently have been talking alot more. \nAnyways at first I figured the crush was nothing and it would pass but it didn't go away. She is home from college and it's getting to the point where I really want to ask her out but I'm not sure if it's a good idea..... \nI don't really think he would care all that much but it's just the principal of it since it goes against the \"bro code\" type deal. The other night we were all drinking at his house and she drinks with us too..\n The funny thing is the other night there mom has now noticed because she literally said \" I think we need to give him a few more drinks before he will admit that he likes you\" I kinda just smiled and looked away but obviously she knows it. At this point I'm not sure what to think because I have tried talking to other girls and going on dates but she still keeps popping up in my head.", "answer": "ask her out", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kd7hm", "comment_id": "dbn815o"}, {"question": "Being friends with an ex- confused", "description": "My ex broke up with me about 9 months ago mainly due to off timing and personality differences. During the break up, he was very insistent on us being friends in time. I know everyone says that, but I truly believe he meant it especially since we were actually friends before we dated. About a month later we met up but it was a too soon as I got a bit emotional. After that, we weren't in contact for almost 5-6 months. He finally reaches out in October and suggests meeting up. We catch up over coffee for almost 4 hours and it felt like good old times. He said he missed hanging out but feels we needed the break. He even suggested us doing activities like going to yoga together.  I like to think I have a good read on situations and the hangout went well other than maybe it went a bit too long. I haven't heard from him since other than I sent him a happy bday text in December which lead to a very brief text conversation. I'm just confused now cause after our recent hangout it's clear we can be friends and we're ready. Does he not want to be friends? Any insight? ", "answer": "if you're comfortable being friends, then reach out from time to time. there are friends that talk everyday, and there are friends that have lunch once/month and don't talk in between.  every friendship finds its level.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ou12i", "comment_id": "dcm2g89"}, {"question": "[Help] Anxiety over wether or not to report my \"mental illness\" as a disability to my college", "description": "Basically I'm transferring to real college in the spring. Now, I can report myself as having mental illnesses which I have which would give me some advantages that I could use probably. But I feel that if I do report it, people are going to judge me. The main advantage for me is in housing. I need a single room when getting a dorm and well this is harder to do. I don't know if it's worth it. I also would make sure I have a psychatrist from school check in on me periodically but I don't know if I want that either. I'm really in a whole mess of what to do. ", "answer": "I think you should report it. It'll be an advantage for you to do so!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "uz6f1", "comment_id": "c4zwhle"}, {"question": "Self Sabotage", "description": "I have many stressors in my life at the moment and these seems to be causing my depression to manifest in different ways. I'm trying to diet and lose weight but I keep sabotaging myself. I tried to diet and didn't stick to it. I've signed up to the gym but find the idea of going so humiliating I can't make myself do it. I just want to stay home and cry and feel pathetic about not being able to go. I know it's stupid but I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make myself go? ", "answer": "You could read \u2018Compassion and Self-hate\u2019 and \u2018Addicted to Unhappiness.\u2019", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8tt4sz", "comment_id": "e1ao57m"}, {"question": "Trying to decide if I [20/M] should move away from my girlfriend of 9 months [21/F] to pursue medical treatment...", "description": "Hi everyone.\n\nLet me start off by saying I love my girlfriend and she loves me - we rarely fight, we have been on trips together, we always work together well, and it's almost too perfect to be true. We met on Tinder, but we were friends first and it just turned into this amazing relationship. We have been (officially) a couple 9 months; but we went on our first date more like a year ago. \n\nWhen I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. For those that don't know, this disease is horrific. I, in some ways, am fortunate that it is in my small intestine - meaning I rarely get diarrhea like a lot of other Crohn's sufferers get. However, this is also bad news because the small bowel is harder to treat. I am malnourished, underweight, and, in general, in a significant amount of pain. \n\nI am seeing a doctor, and I am taking the medications provided - however, like most Crohn's patients find, the medication doesn't always work... in my case it doesn't work at all. \n\nI have severe damage to my small intestine, scarring, inflammation, and partial obstructions (blockages). \n\n**Here is my actual question...** I have to move to Colorado to seek further treatment. I am quite confident it will be immensely beneficial to me and my overall health (I have my sources). It is 4 1/2 hours away from my girlfriend. I have a great job here, too, which I would have to leave. I would live with my parents who are in Colorado.\n\nI want to marry my girlfriend down the line - but neither of us are prepared for that right now. I don't want to do long distance if I can avoid it, but... I guess this is where your advice comes in. What would you do, Reddit? I have talked to my girlfriend about it.", "answer": "is it a university based program in colorado??", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sdlwo", "comment_id": "dlbwxuj"}, {"question": "Love is work, I know but when do you decide it's not worth the work anymore?", "description": "I (f29) have been with my bf (m29) for almost ten years. We've had our issues and we've been through hell but always seem to go back to our norm eventually. Lately he hates how much I hate the world and people and I feel like he just doesn't get me. I get depressed, never been diagnosed, i dont like the Idea of meds to numb me. I haven't wanted to have sex for years but I'm still attracted to him, I just don't want to with anyone. I can't tell if this has to do with him or if its just me and my depression and it will pass. I feel like I finally know who I am and an comfortable with it and don't want to be fake to please others anymore. Like maybe I've only been what I think he wants me to be but now I'm tired and he doesn't actually like the real me. I feel like we are good I'm crisis mode but can't deal with everyday life. I always build up everything in my head, real life has never lived up to my fantasy. Am I being stupid to want a soul mate and true love or do those things even exist. Love is work, I know but when do you decide it's not worth the work anymore? ", "answer": "couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nh19s", "comment_id": "dk9f7se"}, {"question": "Confession of a frequent ER visitor.", "description": "Confession of a frequent ER visitor. 26 year old, male, 173cm, 66kg.\n\nFor the last three years had various problems with health. I have an obsession with health and am very sensitive to any problems happening. I do excessive googling of a possible condition and end up stressed and convinced I have something.\n\nIt does not cost anything to attend ER in UK. I went there more than 30 times in the last 3 years. First I was concerned I might have diabetes (measuring my blood glucose) and ended up not eating much. I had symptoms that resembled heart attack and super fast paced heart and thought it is the end ... all tests were always normal.\n\nNow, it is back to having problems with digestion - it causes pain and I go ER. In addition, after eating my temperature goes to low fever and every doctor is puzzled why. But all blood and imaging tests never show anything. I went to gastro and she mentioned mild gastritis but was surprised about low fever after eating...\n\nAnyways, my main point is ... how do I deal with my hypochondria and being convinced to have something bad? I feel like am abusing ER and actual healthcare system. All the time they find nothing.\n\nShould I go to psychiatrist?", "answer": "Do you have GPs in the UK?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c2tvhn", "comment_id": "ermnkoi"}, {"question": "How often are you actually supposed to participate in class?", "description": "I graduated college a while ago and still don't understand this. Should you help the teacher out and raise your hand to contribute a few times each class? A few times a week? Only when you have something you don't think someone else will say?", "answer": "It's all a balance.  Professors generally want participation.  The more you participate, the more they will feel you're invested in the class and your learning.  \n\n\nI would say that it's a good idea to participate as much as possible without monopolizing the time.  If you've already asked a few questions or participated in discussion and you can see others in the class want to, allow others to get a chance.  \n\n\nIf the professor asks for feedback or opinions and the class is silent, looks like they don't care, this is the perfect time to participate.  There's nothing worse than that kind of silence during a lecture for a professor and most will be grateful that at least one student showed interest and engagement.  \n\n\nNot every professor is going to understand the intricacies of social anxiety and more often than not, if you are only raising your hand or participating once a week or less, they'll assume you're not very interested or engaged.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8sopxq", "comment_id": "e11q3qv"}, {"question": "Suffering from Melancholic depression for 10 years; woke up today feeling \"eurphoic\".", "description": "I'm a 25 year old Male, with \"melancholic\" depression symptoms including:\n Anhedonia, No appetite (10 KG underweight), bad moods in the morning with lowered appetite, trouble waking, and falling a sleep, anxiety.\n\nI'm on Nortriptyline 25mg / day.\n\nToday I woke up absolutely euphoric, like I'm on some sort of opiate, I got out of be without struggling, ate breakfast without struggling, I feel calm and relaxed, my veins are enlarged like my blood pressure has gone up (it tends to be on the low side normally), I don't feel cold in my fingertips like I would normally in this weather, my skin is tingling, and when I masterbated the orgasm was way more intense.\n\nThis is not the first time it has happened, maybe 1-3 times a year never \"back to back\", this is the first time I've stopped to think, what is going on here, why such a swing in my body for no good reason, why is it so abrupt, and only on one day?\n\nThe only thing that has changed for me is I started eating eggs and spinach over the last few days.\n\nI've been looking around online to see if I could find anything that could describe the sensations, nothing really comes up, perhaps something related to oxytocin, or beta-endorphins?", "answer": "Hard to know for sure. Sometimes when people have been depressed for a long time, if their mood normalizes for a little bit, it can feel \u201ceuphoric\u201d just by comparison even though it\u2019s just normal mood. \n\nThe alternative would be sub threshold hypomanic symptoms (you\u2019d need a full seven days and other symptoms along with mood elevation). \n\nYou should discuss it with whoever is prescribing your nortriptyline. And if you stop sleeping or start noticing risky behaviour you should see a doctor right away. May be worth also asking the people in your life what these brief episodes look like from the outside - a doctor will also want to know if there is an objective behaviour change.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7yvwhf", "comment_id": "dujo4d3"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin for ADHD?", "description": "Hey guys, my psychiatrist just Px'd me Wellbutrin for ADHD. I know this is an anti-depressant; however, she assured me that it's secondarily used to treat ADHD. \n\nJust curious if anyone has experience with this? I was no aware that this drug could be used. Any insight is appreciated! Thanks! ", "answer": "It is sometimes prescribed off label for ADHD and some people do well with it. I\u2019ve been on Wellbutrin for years for my depression and don\u2019t find that it helps much with my particular brand of ADHD.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a3htqy", "comment_id": "eb6bf9m"}, {"question": "Anyone here successfully working in medicine?", "description": "I have ADHD-PI. I want to be a doctor (psych, neuro, ortho, or trauma/ER). I'd be getting my nursing degree as my undergrad so I can be a nurse if I don't get into med school so this is for you nurses too.\n\nI just want to know if this is a career choice that ADHD people can thrive in or if I'll drown. I'm okay with the years of schooling, I actually like school. Do you think you had a harder time in school than people with ADHD in other fields? Do you regret anything?", "answer": "I'm not in the medical field per se but I do work as a licensed mental health therapist. I won't speak to the specifics of the medical side of things but I'll share pointers that helped me out. \n\nThe biggest thing for me was having some way to centralize everything. Whether it's your phone, a planner, a notebook, etc., it really helped me to have one place to put everything down. Everything. To do lists, reminders, notes, all that. I have ideas for helpful iPhone-specific apps if you have one. \n\nUse the counseling/disability/tutoring services at your school. They're often very good at helping you come up with strategies to help. \n\nFor me, at least, the Pomodoro Technique has been a lifesaver. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cwueh", "comment_id": "cszpr3y"}, {"question": "I (25/f) have various problematic personality issues that are causing me to question my relationship of 7 years with my boyfriend (25/f) - and I'd like to change.", "description": "I'm going to preface this by saying that I am a deeply imperfect person in many ways, and while I am usually a really good friend (loyal, caring) I make a terrible, awful girlfriend / romantic partner.  \n\nMy boyfriend and I began dating when we were 18, right after highschool finished. We had a rocky start (I didn't tell my parents about the relationship for 2 years because they were quite against me dating for other reasons - they are fine with it now and love my current boyfriend) which caused a few issues between us, and eventually led us to break up for a very short period. We always got back together and have been together for 7 years now. \n\nOver the last 7 years, we've had some relationship issues but we have always gotten through them. However, I have never really been completely honest about the fact that during the last 7 years, I have indulged in what most would consider 'emotional affairs' - no sexting or anything physical, but friendships with guys which definitely pushed boundaries where long, emotional conversations were involved and 'subtle' flirting. During each of these emotional affairs (there has been 4 in total) i've questioned my relationship with my boyfriend as i was having 'crush like' feelings for these guys and knew they would probably be physical with me if I gave them the opportunity. All those emotional affairs usually ended when they realised I was never leaving my boyfriend and then my boyfriend and I would go back to normal. \n\nIn the last few months I have been going to therapy and realised that I have depression and may have something called 'histrionic personality disorder' (not that it excuses my shitty behaviour) which may explain some of what has been going on. In my mind I know i love my boyfriend. I don't want to be with anyone else. I think he is funny, attractive, caring, not jealous or paranoid..essentially the perfect guy. He has a video game addiction that has made him really slow with finishing college, but really thats one of his only (few) flaws. Our sex life is...not great. I feel my sexual attraction to him has waned over the years. I feel as if I need the validation and attention from new guys constantly. These short flings with other guys make me feel excited and happy. The weird thing is, I lived overseas for college for 2 years where I felt professionally really fulfilled and the emotional affairs stopped. I had none while overseas, away from my boyfriend. Now that i've returned home to a much smaller job market, the intense emotional affairs have started up again and this time I made the horrible decision to kiss one of them. I am not going to tell my boyfriend that I kissed another guy because it would plainly destroy him and I don't think one kiss is worth the emotional turmoil it would put him through. Yes, I know this is an awful thing to do, but the decision has been made. \n\nMy question basically is - what can I do to really change? Therapy has made me aware of my actions and feelings, but not enough to explicitly change them. When I drink or smoke pot, I am even more susceptible to the behaviour. I still dress provocatively and use my appearance (i'm fairly attractive) to get attention from the opposite sex. I have a really bubbly personality and a pretty good sense of humour, so guys feel quite comfortable around me. I still get a dopamine rush when I get attention from someone of the opposite sex, and always end up following it up despite myself. I want to change for my boyfriend. I want to become a better person and I don't want to be this way - but how do I change something that seems so deeply rooted in my personality? I've noticed the same personality issues with my father, who has had two emotional affairs with other women during his marriage to my mother. They are still together. I don't want to become him, and I certainly don't want to marry my boyfriend only to continue to do this shit to him. My options are to end what he essentially thinks is a perfectly happy relationship, continue living with a lie and really try and change for the future, or just accept I should never be in a long term relationship. I would like to know how to do the second option, and if it's impossible, how to explain to my boyfriend what kind of person I really am without making him feel as if he has lived a lie for 7 years. I want him to get out of this as unscathed as possible.  \n\nPlease help. If you have been through something like this, any advice would be appreciated.  ", "answer": "do you have a therapist?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66h3a0", "comment_id": "dgihta6"}, {"question": "How do deal with best friend's [25/F] boyfriend [26?/M] of four years that I can't stand...", "description": "Hi all! Throwaway as my main is pretty easy to identify and I know he's a redditor. \n\nSo here's the story: my best friend is amazing. We met in college and have been there for each other through a lot. I [25/F] have PTSD and she's stood by my side as other friends have fallen away. She introduced me to my BF [28/M] who I've been with for 4.5 years and who is the light of my life. \n\nHer BF, however, is a different story. I want to like him and sometimes I do, but I can't help but think there is something wrong going on with their relationship and it makes it hard for me to be around him. \n\nThey've been together for a while and when they first started dating he showed a lot of red flags: leaving her on the streets alone after a heaving night of drinking and fighting, calling her names, mocking her personal beliefs, and once proclaiming that although he's never cheated on her he cheated on all his past gfs. He's generally funny and she seems to be in love with him, but once, while ranting about issues with our respective BFs I got the sense that it was common for him to lie about who he sees and what he does when he goes out. She once caught him with a girl on his lap at a bar... \n\nThis alone would probably make any best friend upset, but I've had personal interactions with him that really drive it home for me. Because of my mental illness I rarely drink and if I do it's just one beer/cocktail. One. No more, no less. She knows this. Their lifestyle includes a lot of drinking so on the rare occasion we go to a double date, there's a lot of drinks going around except me. Several times now he's secretly bought us all shots and when I didn't want to take mine he threw a fit. Most recently he did it to just my BF and he was upset, but agreed to take it because he had already spent the cash and he felt obligated. Another time they took us out to dinner, their treat, and he bought me a cocktail I barely touched and literally threw a fit and wouldn't let us leave until it was finished (my friend gulped it down who was clearly uncomfortable). \n\nWhat the fuck is this? To me, it's scary because he triggers my PTSD which was caused by men who wouldn't take \"no\", fighting, and being completely unconscious as a sign to leave me the fuck alone and his tantrums and boundary-crossing makes it literally impossible for me to be around him. I want to say something, but I feel like I had my chance way back when they started dating (and I did voice concern, but it never went anywhere). He also pays 90% of their bills (he's well off) and I know that is another form of control. She seems to be thriving and confident about life and maybe it's my own pathology that is triggered by him, but I'm tired of coming up with excuses on why I never want to hang with both of them together. \n\nTL;DR Best friend's BF shows serious signs of control issues and is emotionally abusive. I want to be there for her, but I can't stand to be around him and I'm tired of coming up with excuses. ", "answer": "What do you see as your options?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6pc", "comment_id": "dhgpymq"}, {"question": "How to ask SO for attention without nagging?", "description": "So ive been with my boyfriend about 6 months and during honeymoon we were literally on fire. It has understandably tapered off a bit and he apologises for the lack of sex but i tell him thats not what im needing. I just want affection and his attention sometimes. \n\nIm looking for more conversation and cuddles and eye contact. One on one stuff. I dont want to come across as needy or whining for it. \n\nWhat do you think is the most reasonable way to approach this?", "answer": "decide how much attention you need. if he can't respond, you're likely not compatible. every relationship has different proportions of time alone vs time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wylum", "comment_id": "dmbqug2"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean?  Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country?  \n  \nFeel free to private message me.  I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "cinqhw8"}, {"question": "Is it ever the right choice to stay with someone for the sake of not hurting them?", "description": "I am a male (23) and I recently broke up with my girlfriend (23) of just over 3 years because I began to realize that at my age, my focus is just elsewhere - that being my work. She is an amazing girl and I truly love her to death but I just felt I was being unfair to her by staying with her even though my mind is constantly elsewhere. I knew that if we broke up it would kill her so I never pulled the trigger until the other day. I honestly feel liberated but it hurts me knowing the pain I am causing her - so much so that I question if this was the right choice. She is the perfect girl for me in many ways but I can't be the boyfriend she deserves at this time in my life. I know that I can love her again once my life is in order but I didn't want to deprive myself of certain life experiences by maintaining a relationship essentially \"on hold\" and I didn't want to deprive her of a fulfilling relationship she deserves. \n\nI hope one day down the line we can work things out again but I'm worried the pain I am causing her might be too much.\n\nSo I ask, is it ever the right choice to stay with someone for the sake of not hurting them?\n\nIn my case so that we can have a future together, even if in present time and foreseeable our relationship is not exactly healthy.", "answer": "only if you're mother teresa. you're entitled to be a total altruist if you choose. but most are not self sacrificing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6koujm", "comment_id": "djns9vs"}, {"question": "My (20M) GF (17F) hasn't got a lot of time for me and refuses to make it. What do you think?", "description": "The title is a bit concise.\nMy girlfriend and i are both in our first relationship, everything is great when we're together, i love her dearly and she loves me too. But for some reason she cannot make time for me, she goes to college, has a job, couple of friends and she plays sports at a fairly high level. \nI have no problem with any of those intrinsically, because i think its great she has a lot of things going on. Problem is, when scheduling stuff to do, she seems to forget me. I have brought this up several times and she promised to better herself, but now she's gone out again and i'm alone writing this.\nDoes anyone have any advice? Any questions i should ask myself? Thanks in advance!\nEdit; gf is 18, almost 19.", "answer": "she simply has different needs than you at the moment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39vw", "comment_id": "dmkcgzm"}, {"question": "Hi DOCTORS,", "description": "I am 22 years female\nHeight-156cm\nWeight-54.3\nhaemoglobin-10.3\nPCV-33.4\nMCV-70.0\nMCH-21.5\nMCHC-30.8\nBody fat-32.2%\nTOTAL RBC COUNT-4.77\nTOAL CHOLESTEROL-142.4\n\nI feel tired very often,Doctor suggesed me to take Good food,may I know Shall I need to take any medicines or what kind of food will help my condition?", "answer": "Given your blood results, id also be saying good nutrition and exercise is in order only. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75vfaw", "comment_id": "do9npah"}, {"question": "Scared to run into abusive ex", "description": "About a year ago I was romantically involved with a guy who was horrible to me. He was never physically violent, but would manipulate, lie, threaten suicide, make me feel responsible for his mistreatment of me.\n\nIt's over now, but I'm still working through a lot of the trauma.\n\nI recently found out that a close friend of his will be performing at an event where I have work featured. I don't know for sure if he will be there, but even if he isn't I'm scared his friend might be nasty to me, and if he is there I think I might have a full blown panic attack. I haven't seen him since we broke up.\n\nHas anyone dealt with this type of situation? How can I go to this event and keep myself safe even if I do see him?", "answer": "If you choose to go make sure you have a lot of friends that are beside you all the time", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdnaj", "comment_id": "de99pqe"}, {"question": "Does medical grade (clean) THC oil transfer to breast milk? And if so, how will it effect my baby?", "description": "I\u2019m a bit of an anxious person as is. My baby is 4 months old. I breast feed and formula feed. A good friend of mine has a baby and has been using THC oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). She claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. She also claims it\u2019s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. For what it\u2019s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. \nWould it be safe for me to try this? Maybe not daily, but once in a while?\nWill it transfer to my breast milk? If so, for how long? Will it effect my child and if so, how?", "answer": "u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but I'll chime in and agree. There's very limited data on THC exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. That said, everything we know points to THC being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants.\n\nMy advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid THC. It's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there  is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. It may be safe. It probably is mostly safe, most of the time. But it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b12n8f", "comment_id": "eiixzzb"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**The Good:** I have always been in such dread of the impending winter gloom that I have never fully appreciated autumn. This year, for some reason, I am loving it. Perhaps seeing the leaves turn so beautifully in the Adirondack Mountains has finally made me appreciate the loveliness of fall. \n\n**The Bad:** I\u2019m working so hard at various editorial projects that I haven\u2019t really had any time to relax. (When you\u2019re a freelancer, it\u2019s only ever feast or famine.)\n\n**The Funny:** [This is how I feel on some days.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d8m333/hopelessness/)", "answer": "The Good: I'm on Day 65 and feeling mighty proud of it.  The weather here has finally dropped below the 100s.  I've got an exercise class tonight that I'm looking forward to.\n\nThe Bad: I've had a pretty draining past couple of days.  I'm hoping today is a bit more relaxed.\n\nThe Future:  I am going to treat myself to something on Day 75!  Not sure what yet, perhaps a new dress.  :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dc4fub", "comment_id": "f270z5r"}, {"question": "Sertraline to Treat PE", "description": "32/M.  5'10\" 190 lbs.\n\nMarked NSFW just in case.\n\nI have been suffering from PE for the last few years of my marriage.  I have been with my wife for 10+ years and I do not remember when exactly the issue started but it is a problem every time we are intimate.  I have tried several different behavioral methods to combat the issue but to no avail.  My wife says it is not a problem but it affects me greatly because I feel that we are not getting the full satisfaction out of intercourse.\n\nI recently started seeing sponsored ads for Roman on my social media and saw that they offer solutions for premature ejaculation.  I was intrigued and the price for medication seemed fair.  I went ahead and took their 25+ question questionaire and I was recommended 25mg of Sertraline.  \n\nI looked into the medication and saw that it is the generic of Zoloft.  I did not sign up for the service yet and simply saved my info for later if I would like to move forward.\n\nWhat risks would I be running by taking this medication?  I do not suffer from depression and it worried me that this is an anti-depressant.  On the flip side, the PE is negatively affecting my life and the physical connection I have with my spouse.", "answer": "Antidepressants won't have much effect on your mood if you're not depressed. Sertraline has a pretty benign side effect profile. There's sometimes weight gain, but not more than placebo. There can be GI side effects (nausea, diarrhea) or headache, but again, they tend to be mild and go away. The most common side effects of sertraline are sexual, which of course is the whole point in your case.\n\nBut \"might be\" is still not definite. Delayed orgasm is common and would be helpful. Loss of libido can also happen and is less helpful. Still, those effects end when you stop taking the medication. It's worth talking with a doctor about it. The use is definitely off-label, but it's low risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9xhhph", "comment_id": "e9seuqm"}, {"question": "Is Curcumin safe to take with antidepressants?", "description": "I take Mirtazapine 45 mg and Wellbutrin 300 mg for depression, Apriso 1500 mg for colitis, Levothyroxine 75 mg for hypothyroidism. White 25 y/o male, 5'7\" 142 lbs. I'm paranoid about things like serotonin syndrome (I'm a bit of a hypochondriac)", "answer": "Serotonin syndrome is the wrong worry: bupropion (Wellbutrin) is not serotonergic, and mirtazapine (Remeron) is actually a serotonin antagonist. Neither has been associated with any cases of serotonin syndrome as far as I know.\n\nHowever, curcumin probably does inhibit several cytochrome P450 enzymes, which are needed to break down many medications. Because of that, it could raise the effective dose of mirtazapine and especially Wellbutrin. But that's a could, and I don't know whether the effect would be clinically significant.\n\nStill, unless you have a very good reason to take curcumin, it's a supplement with no evidence that it is particularly helpful for anything, and raising Wellbutrin levels runs the risk of causing seizures. I would recommend against it curcumin.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aoa7m4", "comment_id": "efzdqiq"}, {"question": "What are some definite signs it's not going anywhere?", "description": "I met my current boyfriend 11 months ago. Initially he did not want to be exclusive and I forced the issue for awhile until I gave up and left him for approximately a week. He came back to me wanting to start an exclusive relationship. \n\nIn June 2016 we became exclusive and slowly progressed. He wanted to take things extremely slow. There are certain aspects of my relationship that scream progression.  He wants to meet my family. Yet I feel used. \n\nI feel like he comes in and out of my apartment. Lives freely without the intent to make me more. I feel like I'm just someone he is with in the meantime. I feel that our relationship is simply him having a good time. \n", "answer": "if it's defined as exclusive, he should be paying more attention. rule of thumb:: if you want to be married and there's no plan after a year, it's likely never to happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdi9", "comment_id": "dc60lqk"}, {"question": "Brain Lesions !", "description": "Age : 50\nWeight :52 KG\nLocation of the Complaint:The Brain\nDuration of the complaint : 4 Months\nPast/Current Medical History : Blood Pressure\nCurrent Meds : Seroxate , Cervitam , Stroka ,Asprin \n\n1-Can Brain Ischemia Cause Lesions in the brain???\n\n2-what is the difference in Eye Damage Between Brain-Ischemia and MS?", "answer": "Yes, ischemia causes lesions\u2014that's a stroke. Hypoxia, which is general lack of oxygen rather than a part of the brain that doesn't get enough blood, also produces fairly characteristic lesions on imaging.\n\nNeither brain ischemia nor MS affect the eye directly but can affect the visual cortex or optic nerve, respectively. The patterns are different. Ischemia shows up in patterns based on bloodflow and has a characteristic appearance; MS produces demyelination of white matter.\n\nThe clinical presentation\u2014the symptoms and the timing of them\u2014is usually, though not always, different.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a3p2r", "comment_id": "e4sk6qf"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "e5a64it"}, {"question": "Having a panic attack.. help", "description": "TMI warning: so today I had diarrhea and now I\u2019m having a panic attack because I\u2019m worried that I\u2019m sick. I\u2019ve had a rough week so it could be from anxiety but idk. I\u2019m also dairy intolerant and I had cheese today but I don\u2019t normaly get it this bad when I have dairy. My stomach doesn\u2019t hurt, I don\u2019t feel sick, I\u2019m not cold or pale but I\u2019m still incredibly anxious. I\u2019m really scared someone help me.  Idk what to do", "answer": "Hey there! How are you feeling today?", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ao0ixt", "comment_id": "eg0m7v0"}, {"question": "BPD Survival Kit", "description": "Things have not been going well for me lately.  I've taken the next week off as stress leave and I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation.  I'd like to make myself an \"emergency\" kit of sorts to get me through. When I'm having a really bad day, it's something I can come to for a bit of help.  I also recognize that this may have to be replenished frequently. \n\nDoes anyone have one of these? What do you keep in it?  Do you have any ideas of what I should put into mine?  I was thinking of making one for a friend at the same time.", "answer": "Notebook or some way to get your feelings out of your head and somewhere else. \n\nNecessities! That means anything you need to eat, sleep, breathe, drink (water).\n\nComfort! Shoes, clothes, and comfort objects. And stuff that's personal- a blanket, baby pillow, scarf, extra poofy jacket to hide in, warmth you get the picture.\n\nDistrations. Music is huge. A portable gaming machine. A book (happy books or ones that make you think just not about bad emotions. I love mystery and Sci fi ). A rubix cube. Sudoku. ANYTHING you might find helpful to zone out for a bit\n\nKnow where the exits are. Know where the bathrooms are. Wherever you go, go with the knowledge that safety and support is a phone call away - whether it be a family member, a friend, a loved one, a therapist or counselor or even priest. \n\nPictures of things  that make you happy. Animals. Your pets. Friends. Food. \n\nExercise every morning! It will help you get out of a funk and alter your mindset.\n\nIf I think of more il add them. This has helped me immensely", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2lu90i", "comment_id": "clyd4cx"}, {"question": "[28M] New girlfriend", "description": "Hey, I just got into this new relationship for about a month and half now.. she's really awesome.  She told me everything about her past which was quite a lot for me to deal with as I'm quite a \"conservative guy\" however we have had unprotected sex about 2 weeks into our relationship (which was really dumb of me).  In the first week of dating her she told me she was with this guy right before we met but she broke it off before we went on our 2nd date.. so from what I understand now (a month down the line), she didn't use protection when having sex with him.. she told me about this which I really didn't like (for the simple reason I don't really enjoy knowing what she was up to with other guys).. anyway she said to me she had a pregnancy scare the other day (from this other guy).  I want her to take a pregnancy test just to make 100% sure.  I've also now gone for an HIV test just to make sure I'm ok.. anyway I'm not sure if this relationship is worth perusing?  I do really like her, I mean I love her but there seems to be problems with all this unprotected sex shit.. the problems are from both my side and hers.. anyway is it worth talking to her about all this or should I just let it play out?  Sorry I feel like a total idiot posting this story, I was really stupid.  If I can get any advice on what to do that would be great, my mind is going crazy..\n\nTL;DR:  She had unprotected sex before we started our relationship, I then had unprotected sex with her.  She got a pregnancy scare from sex with this other guy.  Now I'm worried I might have a disease such as HIV and that she might be pregnant.\n\nPS: I'm an idiot.", "answer": "Protection 101: Get tested regularly for the whole range of STDs, use condoms until you both commit to being in an exclusive relationship, get tested, then figure out contraception going forward by talking about it.  \n\nYour approach: \"10 days in, unprotected sex, This is going amazing.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "708z0o", "comment_id": "dn1dk4i"}, {"question": "New to this sub, looking for support/feedback regarding moderation vs. abstinence? navigating relationships?", "description": "Oof.  I am struggling with the idea that I'm hitting a point that I'm posting here.\n\nAbout me.. I'm in my early 30s.. and I think I have a drinking problem. \n\nI've suffered from anxiety pretty much all my life.  I also had a brief stint with an eating disorder.  And as of today I'm feeling like I've hit the, \"I need to control my drinking\" point just one too many times.  \nEver since I've started drinking, I've periodically (once every couple months) had binge drinking episodes that lead to really bad life decisions.  I often just attributed it to college and partying with everyone else. \nYet, if I look back, there are too many times that I was arguably the most drunk.  A NYE that I puked before midnight.  A party that I punched my friend because she wouldn't let me go for a walk alone. Just feeling embarrassed the next day because I was the drunk one. \nMore recently this has lead to significant issues in my relationships.  I'm a pretty sensitive and emotional person, and when I get drunk, all of that gets amplified times 3.  I've been with my partner for over a year and I love him to bits. But he says when I'm drunk I act like I hate him.  This weekend he had his aha moment where he realized he is afraid of me when I'm drunk, because I hurt him emotionally when I'm drunk.  I pick fights. I push him away.  He's basically said that he's not sure our relationship will make it if I don't get a handle on my drinking. \nI think in his mind he's thinking I can go to moderation.  I want him to be right.  I know a lot of times I really can control my drinking.  Yet, I'm scared.  I'm scared because I have said I would cut back so many times and haven't. \nI'm also scared because my partner and all his friends and family drink pretty regularly, so I'm not sure what will happen if I decide I can't drink at all. \nRight now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.\nSadly I also kind of want to go home from work and have a drink.  I just want to make it all go away. ", "answer": "Follow up--how do I deal with the giant wall that is up in my relationship due to the poor decision making from this weekend?  It makes me feel so alone and scared and hopeless.  He's trying really hard to be supportive, but also drawing a hard line in the stand and being intentionally blunt about the problem.  \nI just want to sit here and cry all day.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43pf6s", "comment_id": "czk4tim"}, {"question": "Can a nodule biopsy also be used to identify multiple sclerosis?", "description": "​\n\n* Age\n\n23\n\n* Sex\n\nFemale\n\n* Height\n\n5,1\n\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any)\n\nHas chronic low pressure and faints/gets nauseated easily, frequent small spasms in the face and hands, had severe anemia as a child.   \n\n\n  \nSo, a female relative of mine discovered that she has a nodule in her neck, hopefully it won't be cancer (the chances are slim, they are there but fortunately they are slim), but her next step is probably going to be having biopsy on the nodule, to examinate it further.     \n\n\nMy question is really simple and specific, if i wanted to know if she possibly has multiple sclerosis, would a biopsy done on that nodule show that?  I read somewhere that to confirm multiple sclerosis, a biopsy has to be made, but maybe in another part of the body.    \n", "answer": "No, a node biopsy isn't helpful for diagnosing MS. A biopsy of a central nervous system lesion can be helpful, but they're usually not done because the diagnosis can be made based on imaging and symptoms and a brain or spine biopsy is high risk while not actually helping that much with making the diagnosis.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "auat6a", "comment_id": "eh6trnw"}, {"question": "Non-TCA antidepressants that won't cause headaches?", "description": "31F, 5'3, 180lbs. - medications: sertraline, amoxicillin, nexplanon - non-smoker - medical issues: depression, anxiety, adhd, carp skin condition - duration of complaint: headaches started 3 years ago. \n\n​\n\nI've been on sertraline for years. I recently figured out that it is what has been giving me headaches. Migraine with aura and nausea. Every week 3-7 days a week.\n\nI talked to my doctor who prescribed amitriptyline. I had a very bad reaction to it. Literal falling asleep at the wheel on the low starter dose they had me on. It didn't get any better when they halved that dosage. I was told to stop taking that and take citalopram. Headaches started up on day 2 of the low starter dose. The doctor has given up already I assume as she put me back on a low dose of sertraline.\n\nAny advice on what to suggest is appreciated. I'm not ok without antidepressants but if I have to live in pain for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do.", "answer": "Amitriptyline is one of the more sedating TCAs. Nortriptyline is generally more tolerable, as are several others. At true antidepressant doses they tend to have side effects more often than newer classes of antidepressant.\n\nVenlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI that can be used to prevent migraines, so I would not expect it to cause them. It\u2019s also activating rather than sedating.\n\nBupropion (Wellbutrin) works through different mechanisms than other antidepressants. It\u2019s not sedating and not associated with migraines.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "epohkt", "comment_id": "fektytq"}, {"question": "Cinco de May, or Dia De Tequila is 126 for me. Tomorrow is 127, my next Prime", "description": "I am staying in today and turtling.  I hear the hoots and hollers.  I witnessed the streets being blocked off for the mariachis and cervesa / tequila vendors. I literally hear sirens blaring through my open window. This is almost as big as St. Patrick's day here in Northern California. \n\nWhat I am dreading tomorrow, Monday, is seeing all the \"I reset my badge\" or \"I need to reset my badge\", or \"I effed up this weekend\"... I have been seeing this trend every Monday.  It is disheartening. \n\nStay strong everyone.  Please.  We can do this.  No regrets with a salt and lime chaser.\n\nI'll post tomorrow on my next prime.  I have good news.  Thanks. ", "answer": "I drunkenly pulled a spin move on a cop and then hid in a bush in the rain on this day last year. This year is a night in with the girlfriend. Much better night tonight.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1drcnd", "comment_id": "c9t3ofk"}, {"question": "15M Is it possible I had the coronavirus?", "description": "M, 15, USA, Possibly had coronavirus\n\nI was really sick in mid December with a dry cough and shortness of breath, and a sore throat so bad, i could not speak. A mild fever ensured and I was overall sick for atleast 3 weeks. After attending the doctors office, they concluded i didnt test positive for seasonal flu, nor any other test they offered, including swine flu. Is it possible i had the coronavirus?", "answer": "If you did, you would see many people around you with the same symptoms. I'm assuming you live with your parents?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmyczp", "comment_id": "fl6o3xy"}, {"question": "Because I can't drink at work...", "description": "Because I can't drink at work, any tips for kicking a giant wave of anxiety that suddenly comes over you? I literally cannot get any work done. I usually can muddle through it, asking myself what are some tasks that are bothering me the most that would be helpful to get out of the way, but I feel like I am stuck and just ready to black out. ", "answer": "First off, if you're drinking to manage your anxiety, you really need to cut that down or out completely.  It's only going to make you much more of an anxious person whenever you're not drinking.  I'm not saying you have to stop drinking, but drinking for fun and drinking to cope are two completely separate beasts.  \n\nFor your current state of affairs, try taking a time out, throwing some head phones on and listening to a few of your favorite songs.  Go out for some fresh air for 5-10 minutes when you feel the need.  \n\nMake lists of short fairly easy to accomplish goals in order to see everything you need to get done and make it look a little less overwhelming.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/mental-health-diagnosis-what-you-need-to-know/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6x06yp", "comment_id": "dmc1sgk"}, {"question": "An actually affordable app for anonymous group therapy", "description": "Hi, reddit. I'm the founder of gr\u00fcp, pronounced \"group\". I am fully recovered from my fucking awful mental illnesses, but I wouldn't have been able to do that without group therapy. Here's why group therapy works: \"You control, and are ultimately responsible for, what, how much, and when you tell the group about yourself. Group therapy is often more enriching for some than individual therapy. You can benefit from the group even during sessions when you say little but listen carefully to others. Most people find that they have important things in common with other group members, and as others work on concerns, you can learn much about yourself. Group members may bring up issues that strike a chord with you, which you might not have been aware or of known now to bring up yourself. A natural process or enhanced acceptance of self and others occurs as one learns to relate more honestly and directly with others in the group\" (https://healthandcounseling.unca.edu). Currently, group therapy on average costs $50 per session. One session per week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year, costs $2,400. We are making an app for anonymous group therapy that's as cheap as Spotify premium. Essentially, you'd be able to sign up for chat/audio group therapy led by other users who've gone through whatever you are going through now. Check out our demo on the website and see what other people are saying. We are spreading the word, so give us a like on www.facebook.com/ourgrup to follow our progress. We also welcome feedback, anonymous or not. Just use the bottom part of our website, www.ourgrup.org. Thanks :) - Rayna", "answer": "Hey! This sounds amazing! Can you provide a little bit more detail about who runs these groups? Thank you so much :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3fnqhf", "comment_id": "ctqr6p3"}, {"question": "My [M14] parents have done various extreme & abusive things to me. I'm not sure on what actions to take.", "description": "Long wall of text incoming. Posting from a throwaway due to some details.\n\nI don't know what to put here honestly. First of all I live in the US, to be specific Texas. My parents have acted very abusive towards me before, and have said/done some questionable things to me. While this has somewhat toned down over the past year,I'm still not sure if I'm in a safe environment. I also don't know if I should call something like CPS, since they might treat me worse and the nightmares of the foster care system are extremely worrying to me.\nSome of the events that have happened, things they've said, and things they've done to me:\n\n- I got into an argument with my parents while on a vacation because they had found out I was talking with friends online. They didn't like me talking with online people because of an incident involving my online friends that they didn't approve of. I've had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts before, and talking to people online had helped me calm those thoughts down. I told them that talking to online people helped me with depression and suicidal thoughts I've had before. My dad then goes to the knife drawer in our airbnb, pulls out a fucking knife, points it at me, and asks if\"I want to know how it (referring to suicide) feels like.\" At this point, I'm super scared. I almost call 911 because I feared for my safety, but for some reason I showed them the phone screen with 911on the screen. I don't remember what happened between that but I do remember my mother saying that \"they'll just arrest you instead.\"(something along the lines of that, my memory is a bit fuzzy when it comes to these type of events)\n\n- Back in middle school, I had gotten many detentions since my school had a system in place with demerits and I had acquired too many of them. One day when I had gotten a detention and she had picked me up from school (this wasn't on the day it was assigned),she asked me something along the lines of, \"So what happened today?\"I instantly knew she knew and I was kinda scared so I said nothing.This completely backfired on me since my silence on the situation had made her angrier to the point of completely losing it. She threatened to drop me off on the side of the road and almost followed through with it when she went into a parking lot next to the highway we were taking to go to her workplace, and made me get out. Thankfully she didn't follow through with that completely. When I got back in the car, she was still furious. She works in a hospital work place so she was saying about how she could get a mental institution to take me away or something. Since I was really scared and I didn't know what to do, I pulled out my phone and texted some of my friends, basically pleading for their help. My mom saw me texting and took my phone, and looked through the messages when we got to her work. She saw the messages and told me to tell my friends that I was joking and send the message in front of her... so that's what I did. The next day I go to school, the friends I texted got mad at me and were like \"Why did you lie? I got worried!\" I tried to tell them that I wasn't joking, but they didn't believe me and even started making jokes about it during class. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.\n\n - Another thing that would happen as a result of these detentions would be my dad beating me with a wooden paddle, or my mom beating me with a belt. I remember being so afraid of it and not knowing what to do. I also remember seeing the evil smile on my mom's face when she was beating me one time.\n\n - Adding on to this situation, during one of the beatings I remember that I wanted it audio recorded for some reason. My dad audio recorded it on his phone, and while it's deleted now, I have a feeling it's probably still in a backup somewhere.\n\n- I got caught staying up late and talking to friends (in real life and online). We got in an argument, and they ended up putting a camera in my room. It's one of those Arlo Pro cameras that you can access from your phone, speak through, and record. I've had some weird incidents involving these. One of the incidents that I can remember was when I decided to try out sleeping without clothes,because I was curious as to how it would feel like. My parents saw through the cameras, and my mom stormed up into my room. She very angrily told me that I shouldn't be doing that and called me perverted for wanting to do that. These cameras are still there, and they actively monitor it at times to see if I'm sleeping.\n\n - Adding to the theme of cameras, she's threatened to put a camera in my dorm room if I get low grades in college. I have no idea how this will work, and if it will even work at all. Probably not.\n\n- My mom has gotten mad at me to the point of completely losing it sometimes. One time that I specifically remember was me and her arguing about something in her car, while we were driving back to her workplace. She absolutely lost it, and started erratically driving while saying \"DO YOU WANNA DIE? YOU WANNA DIE?\" It stopped shortly after, but it was an extremely scary moment.\n\n- When I was maybe 7 or 6 (or younger, memory is fuzzy), my mom pretended to call the police on me because I was acting up. Don't know if this is common, just something I'd thought I'd add.\n\n- My parents once tried to have a \"Bible study on Friday\" type of thing. My parents and I got into an argument since I didn't want to participate in it (I'm not religious, they're Christian). I had told them I didn't want to study the Bible at all, and that was when they figured out I was non religious. They proceeded to conclude that I was doing \"bad things\" on my devices and they made me charge my laptop and phone downstairs from that point on, and banned me from using my laptop in my room. It's been a couple of months since that and they've let me keep my stuff in my room now, but that was an interesting situation.\n\n- My dad used to slap my ass as a \"joke.\" He said it was just playing around. The more I look back upon it now, it was super fucking weird.\n\n- My mom believes that you can get AIDS from touching someone's urine, and that you can get vaccines from autism (yet I've still gotten vaccinated. Weird, I know.) We've gotten into arguments into this many times and she's said stuff like \"the CDC lies, you've been brainwashed,\" etc.\n\n- I'm bisexual, and my parents are vehemently against the LGBTQ+ community. I don't know if they're the type to put someone into conversion therapy, but I have gotten some red flags before. My dad once found gay porn on my phone, and confronted me about it in the car ride to school. He had told me that \"if u are gay, I will send you to gay city and the dogs will eat you\" or something along the lines/similar to that (again, my memory is a bit fuzzy on things like this.) I'm worried that if my parents find out about my sexuality then I will either be suppressed from communication or the Internet, or they'll take far more drastic measures that I honestly don't know.\n\nAgain, I honestly am just dumbfounded as to what to do. In terms of contacts, I've talked to my sister about the situation involving the cameras and some other stuff, and we generally agreed that the cameras were overboard. I don't know if I should approach her with this stuff and ask her for advice, considering that I don't know what her beliefs about certain stuff are, and me and her never really socialized much in the years we lived together, and outside of that. I also have a backup phone that I keep on me almost all the time, which has a SIM with a few megabytes of data I can use to send a few messages or call people if something threatening happens. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.", "answer": "Please call CPS. Be assured that their goal is to keep you in your own home but make home safer for you. They only remove kids if they think the situation cannot be improved. Often they will require counseling or parenting classes for your parents. I would definitely encourage you to tell the person who interviews you that you would like to see a counselor. It will give you someone who can support you and help you deal with all the emotions you must be feeling. Stay safe.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "btiwy3", "comment_id": "ep113sx"}, {"question": "Early signs and symptoms of Cervical Cancer: Could my cancerous HPV have gone undetected for years, or was I recently infected?", "description": "25 | F | 5\u20192 | 174 lbs | Hispanic\n\nDuration of the complaint: 3 months\n\nGot my rutinary lab tests read yesterday by my gynaecologist, and the results from the pap smear were HPV positive, with severe inflammation. In 2 weeks, I will have a colposcopy performed, to see if any lesions are present. \n\nI\u2018ve been getting regular pap smears performed at least once a year since the age of 21. Had a full gynaecological check up last November, and doc gave me an A+. \n\nAll had been normal until last May, when I started noticing changes in the smell and consistency of my discharge: watery and abundant, sometimes cloudy/clear, sometimes a faint light brown, and a peculiar smell\u2013 not at all fishy, it had more of a certain chemical smell to it, but it was pretty faint, and would come and go. Absolutely no irritation was present, and nothing strange visible on the skin. \n\nHad my period that month, after which the smell no longer seemed to be present. By the end of July, I started noticing the smell again, but more potent, and even more foul smelling, so I scheduled the full checkup. \n\nThese last few weeks in particular, the amount and smell has been so bad, that I've had to shower and change underwear about twice a day, to make it bareable. \n\nCut to yesterday, when doc told me my diagnosis. He prescribed Metronidazole 500 mg, one pill, twice a day for 7 days.\n\nStarted looking for information on HPV and cervical cancer, and from what I've read, my symptoms seem similar to early signs of cervical cancer. However, to have cervical cancer, it seems I would've had to have HPV for years before it got to that point. Yet, all my pap smears and other lab results before November have been A+. \n\nCould my HPV have gone undetected for years? Or is it possible I have been really recently infected, and it just progressed rapidly? \n\nI asked my doc if there was something else that could've explained the discharge consistency and smell, but he said everything else is in order (no other STI\u2019s, etc.). No significant hormonal imbalance either.", "answer": "The foul-smelling discharge and prescription for metronidazole sound like treatment for bacterial vaginitis, which is unrelated to HPV or cervical cancer. BV isn\u2019t an STI or even really an infection, just an excess of bacteria, which may have been part of a misunderstanding.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw6mc4", "comment_id": "ey8s9zm"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Bibliotherapy. Get as many books as you can on the things that are bothering you most. \n\nSet goals each day to combat your symptoms somehow. Maybe it is keeping a journal to check your thinking, maybe it is going to a PTSD group or online forum, maybe it is meditation. Do something.\n\nAlso, don't give up on therapy options. Look for sliding fee scale clinics. Universities that have mental health training programs usually offer these, and they are open to the public. Look for any university nearby that has a psychology program, social work, marriage and family therapy, or counseling program.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "21t2gl", "comment_id": "cggldbv"}, {"question": "Face masks and panic", "description": "I am having trouble wearing a face mask.  I\u2019ve tried a few different types.  I\u2019m starting to feel like I won\u2019t be able to leave the house until the virus subsided.  \n\nI was assaulted several years ago and it involved being smothered.  I\u2019ve had lots of help since then and I think I do pretty well.  When I put on a face mask I feel like I can\u2019t breathe and I start to panic.  It\u2019s really awful.  \n\nAny advice? I\u2019d really appreciate it.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you went through that. Take your time. Ease your self in. Start by just holding it near your face, but not touching. Do breathing that calms you. Stay that way as long as you can. If you feel ok doing that you can get closer to your face. As soon as you start feeling uncomfortable try to calm with breath and talking yourself through it (or if you have someone to video chat with can have them help).  Keep practicing till you feel ok. Then move it closer holding it on your face. Same thing, work on calming and reassuring yourself (or again have someone help reassure you that you\u2019re safe and ok). Don\u2019t over do it and only do each stage as long as you\u2019re able to (it\u2019s ok to push your boundaries a little each time).  This can take as long as you need it to.  Keep going until you can put the mask on without holding it. Let it rest there as long as feels ok for you. Breathing and calming techniques will be really helpful as you do each stage (before, during, and after).   \n\nOnce you are able to have it all the way on you can try to do things around your home with it on so you get more used to it in a safe space before trying out of your home. When you want to try out of your home wearing, don\u2019t go far, stay near your place so you\u2019re still near your safe zone.  When you feel ready/if you get to the point of being ready try a short trip somewhere (short trip let\u2019s you have a shorter time out with the mask and you have a planned amount of time that you know you will be able to be back home).  Just remember it\u2019s ok if you find you just can\u2019t do it or if it takes longer than you hope/want. Be kind to yourself and be patient.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geylt6", "comment_id": "fpqwscx"}, {"question": "Understanding a partner who may have had Complex PTSD", "description": "Hi\n\nI'm posting here because I've been trying to understand a bit about my partner (now ex) and her behaviour.  We dated for about 1 year, she's 35F I'm 33M, we lived 1 hour apart. I've tried to seek answers from therapists but they have (reasonably) not wanted to diagnose at a distance but thats a problem because I feel I do need a professional to help make sense of some of her behaviours. \n\nAbout me\n\nI think I'm kind and sensitive but a touch reserved so its possible that my reserved emotional expression contributed to problems.\n\nPossibly relevant facts:\n\n\\- We lived an hour apart which meant we generally only saw each other at the weekend although we talked every day for an hour, the distance was a constantly cited issue for her\n\n\\- She gave me a book on C-PTSD to read - she had a very poor relationship with her mother during early childhood and did seek on/off therapy for it but rejects the label C-PTSD\n\n\\- We went out for most of 2019, broke up for 3 months (by me) got back together in early 2020 and then broke up again recently\n\nBehaviours I'm having trouble explaining:\n\n\\- both times the relationship started off amazingly well but 'arguments' started emerging around 2 themes, initially a perception I may have been having an affair and that she would only know if I rang her every night but more latterly - a sense that if we weren't talking every night then she didn't feel loved. by about month 3 (both times we went out) the arguments were chronic - something I've never experienced in any of my other relationships) with her seeming to get upset and triggered as the relationship wore on they seemed to happen every 3 days and I became totally emotionally exhausted. A similar pattern occurred the second time we dated. \n\n\\- She had a tendency to bombard with text messages during an argument - it was like tsunami sometimes 30-40 messages even if I hadn't had a chance to reply (such as I was at work)\n\n\\- She was very fixated on putting dates and times to everything, getting very anxious (lots of messages) if it wasn't confirmed, even if she sent the message during the night\n\n\\- I did speak to one counsellor one thought she had textbook BPD, I suggested to her  she may have this and I'd support her and she became extremely angry and said she was totally insulted and that BPD people couldn't hold down a job whereas she was in a high profile job (she is)\n\n\\-She constantly said she didn't feel loved - she suggested things to improve it like saying I love you more (we did) , talking about each day (we did - hour + each day) etc but nothing seemed to quite do it for her. \n\n\\- She was fixated on moving on together - she said it was the only way she could form a stable attachment but I resisted because the relationship both times seemed to be declining with frequency of arguments.\n\n​\n\nWhy am I posting?\n\nIt's been a major emotional part of my life (1 year ) and I really care for her but I felt it was a totally toxic relationship. I would like some suggestions to make sense of her behaviour. From my reading (with the caveats I know very little and the terms are not definitive) it seems a mixture of C-PTSD/attachment and issues with emotional regulation.\n\nI'd like to understand a bit more about her (I have asked her directly but the issue changes) in order to get some understanding and at some point some disclosure.\n\nAny insights or advice would be welcome. I really care for her but had to remove myself from the relationship - Why did she behave the way she did? If she's already had therapy how does she move on?", "answer": "\nThis was a major emotional part of your life,  so you are the one who has work to do . If you were hurt , overwhelmed,  or exhausted in this relationship,  you can work on this in therapy.\n\nLike other therapists you have talked to , I don't understand what you will get out of understanding her behavior. Even with a perfect,  spot-on diagnosis,  you felt your boundaries were violated and you felt the relationship was toxic . That is the end of her involvement. \n\nLots of patients discuss important others in their lives,  that is fine. The problem is that you can only work on the person IN THE THERAPY ROOM. Anything else is not a good use of time or energy.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpcn44", "comment_id": "frlvgzt"}, {"question": "Sponsor and Lord's Prayer plus bonus question, what is the the definition of The Fellowship to you?", "description": "I'm only 35 days clean, so a newbie... I had a \"high bottom\" if you will - started recovery before things got really bad because I saw the writing on the wall. A couple questions...\n\nMy sponsor and I started working together and she is literally reading the big book to me aloud, line by line, having me highlight and make margin notes exactly where her sponsor had her do it. We have gotten through the forwards in the 4th edition :-/\n\nIs this typical of sponsorship? I know a sponsor typically takes sponsees through the steps as they were but this method doesn't feel very useful. Have any of you had a sponsor do it in a different way?\n\nBigger question, we open our sessions with a prayer. The opening prayer is one that isn't related to a specific religion (I think it's made up) and I am comfortable reciting this prayer. We close with the Lord's Prayer. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I plan to discuss this with her but can I get some feedback on this? I am bothered because it's from a religious text and I have some trauma from a previous Christian experience. AA is not supposed to be religious so I am not sure why I should be asked to recite it.\n\nFinally, what does The Fellowship mean to you? My sponsor said it's the group of members and the sober activities done outside of meetings. Really? \n\nShe only has a year of sobriety and is still working on step 9 with her sponsor. Maybe I should find a new sponsor?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I worked with a sponsor in a different 12 step fellowship where I read the step alone, answered questions in a workbook, then talked with her to review my answers and ask any questions I had about anything I read. Later i worked the steps again, this time in AA and with a different sponsor, in the way you are doing - reading the big book out loud together and stopping to discuss and take notes exactly as her sponsor had done with her. After doing both I found the second method to be far superior in terms of helping me really \"get\" the big book. It's an older text from a different time and I would have missed a lot just reading on my own. \n\nI don't say the Lord's prayer, and I don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to. I disagree with the meetings that use it but I recognize their freedom to choose that if they wish.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "7y3h5a", "comment_id": "dude01t"}, {"question": "One sided relationship", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for two months now. She's far more attractive than myself, and we're very similar, to a point where we finish each other's sentences. I want it to work so bad for these reasons, which is why I work so hard to continue it. I write her love letters randomly. I send random texts telling her how beautiful she is, or how much I care for her. I give her my very best advice when she texts me about her issues. I initiate all things physical to relive her if the stress of doing so. I bring her gifts often, and I cancel plans to be with her. She on the other hand doesn't do any of this ever in return. No letters, no out of the blue texts, she changes the subject when I bring up problems, Christmas is the only time she's gotten me a gift, never has she just kissed me, and she reschedules plans with me often. Is this normal, or am I in a one sided relationship?    ", "answer": "yes", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rrh9p", "comment_id": "dd9kt86"}, {"question": "About my date to your wedding...", "description": "Dear sis, \n\nI had a lovely time at your wedding. The choice of Long Islands for your 'Recommended drink' at the open bar ensured that everyone had a drunken blast, especially after the bottles of wine that we killed. When the DJ started playing 'Africa' by Toto and the Maid of Honor literally howled (like a wolf) in excitement, I knew this was a treat. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect time, it was fantastic.... but I need to talk to you about my date, Rebecca. \n\nI know. Please, don't interrupt, sis. You've told me a number of times already. \"You don't need to find another girl, Greg,\" you said to me with a slight slur on St. Patrick's Day. Your husband helpfully added: \"Put a ring on it, Greg. You don't need to look anymore.\" All of your friends adore her, as they've told me like a billion times. \n\nAnd yes. Rebecca IS a keeper. She's absolutely drop dead gorgeous; her curves run into that perfect hourglass shape that you see on models. And the best part? She fucking rocks. She has the most inappropriately vulgar sense of humor that, well, to be honest, matches with mine perfectly. She has a deep throated laugh that infects a room and seems completely unbecoming of such a beautiful and petite dirty blonde. All in all, you're right. She is pretty perfect for me. \n\nExcept, there's this one little thing. \n\nShe's a lesbian, sis. \n\nI know. She told the best man that \"We had been secretly dating for three years.\" Sis, she was HAMMERED. Like, absolutely smashed. We had shared a bottle of wine between the two of us, not counting those long islands... she always was a bit mischievous. And I thought it was hilarious at the time... but not anymore. The family keeps asking me about her sis and so do your friends. And I'm sorry but it's not funny now. It's just sad.\n\nYou see the other thing? I do love her. I absolutely love the shit out of her. I love spending time with her and talking to her. I love drinking with her, and watching TV with her. When I'm with her, it's like the empty puzzle pieces in my brain are filled in with fuzzy spots of happy. We match. \n\nThat's how it is, sis. I'm sorry. She fills all my gaps but I can't ever fill hers. Please stop asking about her. Some things are better left alone. \n\nWith love, \n\nYour brother", "answer": "Ouch.  That's the worst.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1oko5e", "comment_id": "cctalyc"}, {"question": "Does my beard pattern indicate Kleinfelter Syndrom?", "description": "Hi. I am 27, white, and have some symptoms consistent with Kleinfelter. I read somewhere that I cannot remember that Kleinfelter makes beard around month and thin less feasable. Well I let my beard grow and it looks very beardless in those places. I am from Boise. Height is 6 feet 1. Weight like 160 lbs.\n\u200bhttps://imgur.com/a/0YDOpJw", "answer": "Klinefelter syndrome can range from completely without symptoms to significant. Lower height would be one of the most common; being 6'1\" doesn't absolutely rule out Klinefelter, but it's unlikely.\n\nIf you want a definitive answer, a karyotype (counting chromosomes) is straightforward and will give you that answer. I suspect that you do not have Klinefelter syndrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f8ts18", "comment_id": "finu266"}, {"question": "Oh, God! Make it stop.", "description": "I would give up everything, for just moments of peace. Everything and every last bit of my time and energy. For just one second of quiet. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel.  I feel the same way.   Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nv47g", "comment_id": "e7p6i4w"}, {"question": "Do I stay in this 8 year relationship or not?", "description": "Hey guys, I wanted your advice.\n\nI've been with my BF for almost 8 years now, since high school. I thought he was the love of my life and a genuine all-around good guy. Throughout our relationship we've had good and bad times, but still mainly great times. I love him a lot.\n\nHowever, on our 3rd year anniversary, he confesses that he went into a strip club. Supposedly for only 15 minutes and under the duress of his brother and cousin. Then last year, he caught feelings for his co-worker. Someone he had been bringing around me, acting like they were friends when really they were both emotionally cheating on their significant others (this girl also had a BF). This all accumulated into him kissing her and supposedly suddenly realizing he only wanted me.\n\nThen this last December, before Christmas, I found Facebook messages between my BF and his cousin's GF. Turns out they caught feelings for each other and had been messaging each other like crazy. But supposedly they \"loved\" their BF/GF so much that they were just going to pretend like things never happened.  ", "answer": "it's hard to stay together when you start young. he sounds not ready to settle down.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdqx", "comment_id": "dc60gx0"}, {"question": "If I recently tried to OD on acetaminophen can I take it for period pain?", "description": "I took 2500mg last Friday but then I panicked and didn\u2019t go through with it. I induced vomiting and was suffering from stomach pain and my menstrual cramps after were worse than normal. Is it safe to take one tablet for it?\n\n5\u20195\u201d, 151 pounds and 18F\n\nMedical history: bipolar disorder, mild brain damage due to suffocation at 11, nut and dairy allergy ", "answer": "This is not quite the question you asked, but have you spoken to your doctor about the overdose?  I'm not sure if this is a new thing for you, or something that has happened before, but it sounds like you may also need some support around your mood?  Apologies if you have already taken care of this, just wanted to put it out there.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pfbfv", "comment_id": "e0bps69"}, {"question": "Thought this day would never come!", "description": "I told myself that on **Day 70** I would treat myself. I won't, I'll treat the children who had to put up with my drunken nonsense! So today I'll nip to the shop on the way home and fill a basket with their favourite things (not too much, mind)\n\nMe? I'll have an early night with a good book and a mug of Horlicks :D", "answer": "Go you. Booze is so far from the treats we deserve. I think we are all aware of that....whatever our crazy brains try to tell us sometimes. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9evjxz", "comment_id": "e5rxuso"}, {"question": "Blood test result screenshots, anything to indicate why i feel so fatigued?", "description": "Anything that jumps out at anyone who knows what they're looking at?\n\n22 Y/O Active male whos a healthy weight\n\n[https://gyazo.com/89bb4ffe60827333c38254e5c7bbd4b8](https://gyazo.com/89bb4ffe60827333c38254e5c7bbd4b8)\n\n[https://gyazo.com/685747fea1dc9348482cab8b63c138ad](https://gyazo.com/685747fea1dc9348482cab8b63c138ad)  \n\n\n[https://gyazo.com/988425cab25c9b8e5d9566d4a0820065](https://gyazo.com/988425cab25c9b8e5d9566d4a0820065)", "answer": "It's all normal. Nothing there to explain fatigue.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94221n", "comment_id": "e3ho087"}, {"question": "Confidence issues interfering with sex lifex", "description": "I (F25) have been married to my husband (M25) for a year. \n\nSince our relationship started I have put on weight, I am 5'2\" and almost 160lb. The more weight I put on the less attractive and confident I feel. He has also put on weight (6'5, 300lbs) and I'm not sure if I find him as physically attractive. \n\nThe physical attraction doesn't really bother me too much, I find him sexy in other ways. I also love his squishy belly.\n\nThe issue I have run into is that I feel self conscious being top during sex. To the point of him doing all the work all the time. I feel bad, and ask him if he gets bored. He says he doesn't but I'm not sure. \n\nI want to do my share in taking control in the bedroom. Let him relax and have fun but I just can't. Once I get up there I don't know what to do..\n\nHe has way more experience sexually than I do, and I do feel intimidated by that but there has to be something to help me get over it.\n\nAnyone have advice on how to build confidence in a situation like this? \n\nI feel like a terribly inexperienced, unattractive wife and it's turning me off...", "answer": "To be confident you either have to accept yourself, and thus like yourself, or change in ways that *allow* you to like and accept yourself.  We have no choice; we can only be ourselves....the old us, or the new us.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69c5g8", "comment_id": "dh5gb06"}, {"question": "PhD thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today", "description": "Hi everyone! I am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking.\n\nFirst of all, my PhD defense is next Wednesday (in six days). It was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity I'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our University. In addition, I have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. \n\nAnyway, for the last two weeks I have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. I occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. I have been definitely anal about NOT getting sick the last week - I'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because I absolutely could NOT get sick for my defense. Especially considering I just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago!\n\nHowever, today I woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. Am I totally screwed? Do I need to plan alternative actions? \n\nIs it possible that I'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next Wednesday, or that I can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense?\n\nTLDR: PhD defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. What do I do?!", "answer": "You follow your countrys advice on your symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhisby", "comment_id": "fkbou7f"}, {"question": "Anyone well-versed or who has experienced mental health issues/struggles/illness?", "description": "Does this sound familiar to anybody?\n\nMy main issue is I totally take things to heart that upset me and I can\u2019t regulate my reactions to it. Issues I\u2019ve gone through like racism, school bullying/exclusion, trauma etc. And although I no longer really \u201cgo through it\u201d ANYTIME I see the issue brought up or reminded of it I get distressed, depressed and suicidal.\n\nI guess I used to cope because I used to be highly confident in my abilities and I genuinely believed that by the time I died, I would have done something influential regarding social justice changes in the world. Once I graduated school, I had my dreams crushed. So I kinda lost my only coping method.\n\nSo now I\u2019m stuck in a paradox where I: get reminded of a cruel reality I can\u2019t change > reminds me of my past, or things happening in the present > I now know I can\u2019t do anything to remedy or fix it and I\u2019m stuck in a world full of shit essentially > get into emotional distress > see no solution or effective coping mechanism > get suicidal > eventually calm down (usually by sleeping/oversleeping) > REPEAT\n\nAny form of conflict with somebody will trigger the same cycle. Even friendly debates trigger me into feeling depressed. No idea why.\n\nI\u2019m seeing a psychiatrist soon for a professional\ndiagnosis but I\u2019m just wondering if people know what this may be and what type of therapy helps it? I\u2019m 18, been slowly getting worse since 12 years old, no history of family abuse that I remember (except harsh words and occasional spanks ig). People have guessed BPD in the past but aside from devaluing, I don\u2019t think I have any issues with relationships or attachments at all. And I internalise everything anyways.", "answer": "You've experience some sort of trauma in your past that still has effects today. None of us here on the internet can diagnose you with anything, but you may have some symptoms similar to PTSD or generalized anxiety. Your psychiatrist will be able to assess you properly, get to know you, and know what the best options are for you. Regardless of diagnosis though, you definitely experienced a lot of harm in the past, and just know that you're not alone in the feelings you're experiencing now. I'm happy you're getting the help you need soon.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e6jz5x", "comment_id": "f9r1p12"}, {"question": "What has wellbutrin done to me?", "description": "This is a rather long story but I need to say it all so you can get my mindset. Back in November 2017, I was having trouble coping with things in my life, so when I went to see my doctor for a refill for my luvox, she increased the dosage (The luvox I've been taking for six years for depression, anxiety and OCD), as well as starting me on wellbutrin. The next few days though, after I started these changes, I became increasingly sad and started having depressing thoughts concerning death and aging. I guess about four days after I started the wellbutrin, this increasing sadness culminated in a full-blown panic attack (The first I've ever had), in which I was convinced I ruined my life, my life was a waste, I had to spend as much time with the people I knew before they died (which felt really soon), that I felt extremely old (I'm 29), my mother was going to pass away very soon (she's 63), and I became just overall absolutely TERRIFIED of death. I had NEVER felt this way towards death and aging in my life. At most, I was disappointed that I didn't look young anymore. That's it. I used to feel like I had all the time in the world, and death seemed so far away, and I handled the passings of friends and family members just how everyone else does. Not anymore after my panic attack.I called up my old counselor and scheduled an appointment. She told me to speak to my doctor. By the time I got around to seeing my doctor again (About a week after I started the wellbutrin), the thoughts had become so intense and debilitating that I had, for the first time, wanted to end my life just to stop the pain. It was that bad. With my doctor's urging, I went to the ER of the hospital next door. There, I met a doctor, who brought me further into the hospital where eventually I met a psychotherapist. She said I was going to have to go to a psychiatric hospital while I felt suicidal (I'm about 99% convinced I would've been committed if I had said no, but that's beside the point).So, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. No one there diagnosed me with anything or really brought up a solution to my problem of getting rid of those thoughts; they were mainly concerned with helping us patients cope with the events in our lives that brought us there. But for me, of course, it wasn't a life event so much as a pharmaceutical fuck-up. The most anyone did was one of the psychiatrists try starting me on abilify since he didn't want to try another anti-depressant. The abilify gave me energy and made me optimistic, but it did nothing about my thoughts, and I still felt like my life was a waste up to that point. I didn't feel like myself at all. But I did feel hopeful and not suicidal anymore, so I was let go.The next few months were kind of a blur. I had a new energy but I was still haunted by these thoughts. I forget why, but at some point I stopped taking the abilify, and I lost that energy and hopefulness, but the intensity of the thoughts receded. I felt like myself again, with the lessened intensity of the thoughts. It seemed like a good enough trade-off. In February, after being forced to wait over a month because of high demand or whatever, I finally started seeing a psychiatrist as part of the out-patient therapy. My thoughts had gone to the back of my head, since things in my real life were taking precedent. My psychiatrist was helpful with the handling of these matters.But once they were taken care of, I realized I still wasn't happy, I still wasn't hopeful, and I still wasn't  fully myself. Because those thoughts were still there. I told her about this in our last meeting at the end of April, and in hindsight I don't think she quite understood what I was trying to say. She kept talking about how depression and its causes, but what happened to me wasn't really depression-related I dont think. She started me on zoloft and gave me a mild anxiety agent, but after three weeks of taking them, I felt no change at all aside from decreased sex drive.So last week, when I realized what she gave me wasn't working and I still wasn't anywhere close to getting better, I started feeling panicky and hopeless, so I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor (I'm never seeing the one who started this mess again) since I'd have to wait three weeks to see my psychiatrist again. Basically, all he did was tell me to stop taking the zoloft and the anxiety agent since they weren't working (And I've done so) and give me amitriptyline, since the only antipsychotic he could prescribe as a family doctor, seroquel, would interact with the luvox I still need to take. So far I've felt no change with the amitriptyline.\n\nSo this is why I'm here. Not a SINGLE person I've spoken to in this entire process has diagnosed me, told me exactly what's wrong, or given me a solid treatment plan to get better. I still have no idea, over half a year later, what went wrong or how I can get better. Not a clue. All anyone has ever done was refer me to someone else, or try throwing a random medication at me to see if it would \"do the job\". Not one person has stepped forward to actually do the work to help me get better. In hindsight, I don't think my psychiatrist has any idea what I'm trying to say after numerous attempts of trying to tell her, I think she thinks I'm 'merely' depressed and sad about mortality, which isn't really the case at all. I've had 29 years to develop my feelings on these things, and the terrorizing feelings that have been played in my head since November aren't them. They're exhausting, irrational and terrifying, and I'm desperate to go back to normal. And I've talked about this to SO many people, friends and family, and also try rationalizing in my head what I want to think and feel, but none of that works, so please don't recommend counseling, I'm very certain this is past that and its a psychiatric issue. Some of my normal thinking does comes through here and there, usually for a few minutes. Last week there was about half an hour where I felt 90% normal again, and I was able to think about these things rationally, but that soon subsided. I did sort-of feel a little like myself the first day after starting the amitriptyline, but not fully so, like I did for that half an hour last week. And the next day it was back to the terror as usual. So please, anyone reading this, please tell me what you think is wrong and what you think can help me. I of course will be seeing my psychiatrist again in two weeks, and will fully go by her recommendations and instructions, but I just need SOMETHING to hold me over in the meantime, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I'm so utterly disappointed in the medical \"professionals\" I've seen since November in their lack of knowledge, confidence and comfort in treating me and my condition (whatever it is). I just need a ray of hope right now to try and get me through this, because this isn't living. I just want my life back.\n\nRequired info:  I'm 29, 5'4, 169 pounds, male, never smoked. Before November, only suffered from diagnosed depression, anxiety, OCD and mild autism.\n\n7/20/2018 UPDATE: Well as it turns out the wellbutrin brought on psychosis by increasing my dopamine levels, it actually isn't that complicated what happened to me, I just had to find the right doctor who would listen to me and take me seriously. I'm almost 100% back to the way I was taking anti-psychotics. I'll just leave this here if if this happens to anyone in the future. And people, if something a doctor or who you're confiding with says just doesn't sound right, keep searching until you find someone who will say something that does. Doctors aren't infallible.", "answer": "It sounds like depression, but more severe than it was before. The difficulty with depression is that we don't really have good ways to diagnose the different processes in the brain that give rise to it. We can only recognize the symptoms and hope that it will respond to treatment, and there isn't really a better way than trying medications that often work and hoping that you're in the group that improves. Luvox, Zoloft, and amitriptyline are fine choices. Augmenting with Wellbutrin or Abilify makes sense. I'm sorry it hasn't worked. There's genetic testing available to try to guide medications, but the jury is still out on how helpful that is.\n\n The way you describe it, things were getting worse, you started taking Wellbutrin, and things kept getting worse and have stayed worse, with or without the Wellbutrin. From your timeline I'm less inclined to blame the medication and leaning more towards this being some change in the depression, although of course there's no way to truly know.\n\nAfter multiple medications didn't work, it's \"treatment\\-resistant depression.\" For one thing, there are treatments other than what you've used. SNRIs, for example. Thyroid hormone, buspirone, lithium, lamotrigine. TMS or eventually ECT, if you choose. It's miserable to have to go through multiple treatments, but you're far from exhausting everything. Explain the story so far to your psychiatrist and hopefully you can move forward and find something that will help you feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n53yj", "comment_id": "dzt1jkh"}, {"question": "Day 31, 10.30am, UK: Today I am officially one calendar month sober and feeling grrrrrreat!", "description": "I\u2019m so proud, I\u2019ve got my one month chip from AA, I\u2019m still on track for 90 meetings in 90 days, and I\u2019ve even been asked to do peer mentoring at the local drug and alcohol centre!\n\nI can\u2019t quite believe the changes that have taken place in me and in my life in such a short space of time, it\u2019s been like a whirlwind. I will never know why Monday 21st May 2018 was the day I decided enough was enough, but I can only have faith that my life is meant to take a better path than the one I was on for 20+ years. It\u2019s a rollercoaster, and I\u2019ve got a long journey ahead of trying to deal with my emotions now, but a bad day sober is better than any day drinking.\n\nKeep going everyone, we\u2019ve got this! IWNDWYT XX", "answer": "Well done. Onwards and upwards.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8sqjjd", "comment_id": "e12ioik"}, {"question": "I have a short social Timer", "description": "I don't really like being out for long periods of time in a social setting my wife says it's about three hours max before I start to get anxious or annoyned and by then I kinda just put my walls up and shut down from Whatever is going on around me Thankfully my wife understands that Ive been like this since I was a kid but seeing as we're both in our early twenties and having a large group of friends it's hard to try and balance going out and doing stuff without shutting down as time goes on even if Im having fun Idk does anyone have any tips or been through anything similar?", "answer": "I find that taking regular breaks helps. Usually, I do this by going to the bathroom and washing my hands while singing a little song to myself (not out loud!). It gives me a physically calming stimulus (soap feels fun and bubbles are fun to play with and I like warm water) along with prohealth behavior (washing hands prevents spread of disease), and is discrete (nobody thinks it\u2019s weird to go to the bathroom for 5 min).\n\nObviously do something different if you have a historical problem with compulsive handwashing or dislike bathrooms. I don\u2019t advocate for cigarettes, but I absolutely believe in going for fake smoke breaks.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ch8sv1", "comment_id": "eurqop1"}, {"question": "What are your thoughts on people who claim to be so allergic to water (H2O molecules) that they have an allergic reaction whenever they take a sip of water but don't react to the water already in their bodies?", "description": "I read on the news about a woman who says she's deathly allergic to H2O. She looked to be in her 40's.\n\nShe says she cannot even drink a SIP of water without going into anaphylactic shock and even goes on to say she cries herself to sleep every night.\n\nShe says that she can only drink orange juice or coca-cola (which do her no harm) since they have no water in them and now lives life happily despite not drinking any water. She is also on disability and another one of her press photos is of her holding a bucket of epi-pens. She says she just suddenly became allergic to water one night.\n\nI mean you can be allergic to peanuts so why not H2O? I remember I was seeing a new ''I'm allergic to H2O so bad even taking a sip of water will kill me'' every month on sites like the Daily Mail especially. I've seen science channels on YouTube say it's possible to be allergic to the H2O molecule in itself and you can suddenly become allergic, just like how people can suddenly become allergic to peanuts.\n\nI've even seen the Daily Mail articles get referenced on government based medical websites such as the national biomedical website, saying in more severe cases even drinking a sip of water will be dangerous for them. These people also say that water in the skin causes them to come out in rashes and they posted the photos of these rashes. There's a condition called Aquagenic Urticaria but it doesn't say it's from H2O itself, but water causing a water soluble allergen on the skin to dissolve so it's a substance on their skin they're reacting to not the water. But it doesn't explain these people who also say they cannot even drink a sip of water without needing an epi-pen to save their life.\n\nA guy said his teacher was allergic to water though there were numerous occasions when we saw her have an allergic reaction? She wasn't allergic to the water in her body. She only had a reaction when she drank some. She would be fine if she mixed it with Orange juice or Grape Juice. As long as it wasn't plain water.", "answer": "1. Cola, orange juice, and all other beverages contain water. Lots of water.\n2. H2O is too small a molecule to be recognized as a foreign material by the body. Regardless of whether it would be instantly lethal, and it would, it's biologically impossible. Antigens, the molecules or pieces of molecules recognized by the immune system, are on the order of 10 times larger than water molecules at minimum.\n3. This is a silly tabloid story with no grounding in reality. It's on the same level of plausibility as alien abductions. Less, really; we can't prove that aliens didn't come, but we can definitely know that this situation is impossible and is, at best, a gross misunderstanding of allergies and the symptoms someone has.\n4. Please stop posting about this over and over. You get the same response every time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w0q82", "comment_id": "e1s85ws"}, {"question": "Wonder if I have Asperger, wife and doctor think so, I have my doubts.", "description": "So my wife suspected that I have Aspergers since a long time. Three days ago we went to see a psychologist regarding major depression. My wife told them about my awkwardness at a recent party and that she doesn't think that I am actually shy. She also told him that I like to program, even after my day-job (programming) is done, and I can spend hours of it. Additionally to it I mentioned that I had suspected elective mutism, when young. \n\nSo hearing all that the doctor mentioned, that I might have Aspergers, even though my wife didn't mention her suspicion to him. \n\nThinking back about my past, not liking to be touched, always only have one or two friends through all years of school, exclusively talking about things and not about persons, it all started to make sense to me. \n\nPersonally I didn't have the feeling that I cannot read faces, but according to my wife I often fail to interpret her real emotion whereas others could have easily read it. \n\nAlso I like being ironic sometimes and I tend to understand irony, too. \n\nAt social occasions I often simply don't know what to shy, even though being well aware of conversations around me. My wife said when hearing them tell something funny I make some smile, but it rather looks like a fake smile. Also often I bore her with keep talking about the same thing for a long time, when she already lost interest. \n\nSo I have some very typical symptoms, also I wouldn't consider myself as shy but just usually I thought I simply don't know what to say or wasn't interested in the topic.\n\nAlso I realized that I really like to count my steps when walking, or seeing patterns on the floor and walk in patterns (sometimes) and often look at license plates of cars. I sometimes try to remember them, or try to see where cars are from, without any intention. \n\nAlso I liked to make online friends and could happily chat with them all day, but then in real life I wouldn't find a single topic or interest in people. \n\nEven though my irony, understanding jokes, and other things don't seem to be issues of mine. \n\nMy wife said probably the doctor wouldn't have mentioned that I have Aspergers if he wasn't quite sure about it. Even though it was only the second time I met that doctor and each meeting was not longer than 20 minutes.\n\nSo I wonder if I really do have Aspergers. Any opinions?\n", "answer": "First, in the US and many other locales, Asperger's syndrome is no longer diagnosed. I would not let a doctor who is unaware of that diagnose me. \n\nAsperger's syndrome has been absorbed into autism spectrum disorder.  This disorder has very specific criteria, not just a list of traits to check off. Many of the traits people often associate with Asperger's are not part of the criteria.  \n\nYou can see the criteria here:\n\nhttp://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html?mobile=nocontent\n\nDiagnosis also requires a severity rating which can range from less than 1 (but not zero) to 3. \n\nAlso, diagnosis is not really useful if you are a functional adult that does not want to be diagnosed.  And, like a previous commenter stated,  therapy can help you feel better whether you have a diagnosis or not. Most therapists don't even like to diagnose if they don't have to. \n", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "25jrol", "comment_id": "chhzs8k"}, {"question": "This is becoming too much for me, I need advice on what to do", "description": "I may seem really petty saying this, but petty is my middle name and i gotta vent it out. \n\nmy ex and i recently broke up and hes doing things specifically to try and impress me to try and go out again. (note: the breakup was very healthy and there were no fights or yelling or anything like that. we are still friends)\n\nlike i said that i was going to get my haircut done in a undercut and i was really really excited to change up my hair style(ive had the same haircut for 6 years) but then he gets it cut as an undercut three days after i said that. now it would be kinda awkward to go to school with the same haircut as your ex. also he was planning on growing it out for years and having really long hair. cutting it was something out of the ordinary for him. and yeah i know that people can change, but this was JUST after i had said that and JUST after we broke up ((i actually feel pretty bad about this. i really wanted to cut my hair and this kinda ruined it. that sounds mean but ehhhh i dont even know anymore))\n\nive also gotten into flight rising, which is a site similarish to neopets but with dragons and i said 'i love dragons' and he said the most run on-forced thing ive ever heard my entire life...he said something along the lines of \"i love dragons. they are the best. if i had to choose a favorite mythological creature it would be dragons. i love them, they are the best. i would own lots of dragons\" ....and it went on. it felt SO forced and its hard to explain but it just didnt feel right or sincere\n\nalso another thing out of the ordinary is that he changed his username online. maybe he thinks that it would be more interesting and ill go out with him again but i just cant force romantic feelings for him. keep in mind that hes had the same username for the past 10 YEARS. so its kinda really suspicious\n\ni could be overthinking things but i need help on what to do. how do i confront him on this, or should i even confront him? is this something i should ignore or talk to him about it? i still wanna be his friend but i cant be romantically/sexually invested in him anymore. \n\nalso does anybody know whats even going on? i tend to overthink things alot and i dont know if hes still not over me...or if its something else\n", "answer": "Distance yourself from him like a majestic dragon distances itself from the soul sucking gravity of earth. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aamb2", "comment_id": "dhd1wr1"}, {"question": "I'm [28/f] who's getting frustrated and pent up because boyfriend [28/m] is fighting depression. Need advice please", "description": "We've been together for over four years now and I know that he's been going through a lot of tough times within the last year. From parents getting divorced to troubles with getting his degree to ending up in unfulfilling jobs, his troubles have wrapped him in a tough bout of depression that he's trying to get help for. He's taking medication for about four months now and we've seen some improvements, although he still has a lot of problems to still fix and I'm always supportive in whatever steps he wants to take in order to make himself happy. From quitting jobs for better opportunities to getting instruments so that he could play music as a form of creative release. Whatever he needed, I've been totally there for him. \n\nWe lived together for a year under his parents roof until his parents decided to sell the house and finalize their divorce. At that point the logical choice was to move in together. We had been together for three years prior and while in the house we had been romantic, but respectful. We had our sexy nights, but we weren't romping around like rabbits. Anyways, when we got into our new place this all changed.\n\nIn the year that we've been in our new apartment, we've maybe had sex a handful of times. I want to blame it on all of the anxiety and stresses of work family and his desire to finish college. I understand that his medication does have the potential to reduce sexual drive. I also understand that depression is also a very crippling condition that can alter ones ability to \"get in the mood\". But it's been six months now, and I'm at my whits end. I have tried talking to him about my desires, my needs and when I do I'm met with almost condescension. He teases me, saying \"oh, you're just horny\" As if it's just a passing feeling that I can just toss aside. \n\nHe's making me feel bad for even asking, like I'm pressuring him to do something that he can't mentally validate. Which doesn't make sense that our coupling is a problem now when he had no problem with it before. I asked if he even wanted me anymore, if he even was attracted to me and he says that he is. And its getting to the point that I have a hard time believing him. I've told him not to idly touch me anymore, because I'm so sexually pent up that it hurts to get my hopes up when it doesn't amount to anything. \n\nI don't want him to do something he's obviously having conflict with, but at the same time I'm left here hanging. Ya, his feelings are being addressed, but what about mine?\n\nThe worst part is that I wish that I didn't have to bother him with my needs. I wish my body wasn't drawn to his. I wish I could turn it off, because it seems to only cause us this tension that is quickly filling with heartbreak. \n\nSo what should I do about this? I'm a loyal creature, so I'd never dream of cheating on him and I don't fancy just washing my hands of him in favor of some other guy. I want to help him get better, but I also want him to understand that our relationship isn't just about him getting what he can out of it. I need a little more from him than a peck on the cheek.\n\ntl;dr Long term relationship, girl not getting any and boy fighting depression. \n\n", "answer": "He needs a therapist. When his depression resolves, hopefully the rel. will become what you hope it has the potential to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0txy", "comment_id": "dcve53u"}, {"question": "Most Annoying Roommate, Ever.", "description": "I am tired. So fucking tired of this roommate of mine. She has lived with me for 2 months and it has been a living hell the entire time. I hate to even be awake when she's awake. I need to make a list of all the things I dislike about her in hopes that it will help me feel a bit better. Here we go. \n\n* Odd sleeping schedule. She will stay up until like 7AM and then get up at like freakin 5PM. She works from home (if you call it work she makes like 10 dollars a day) so she can work whenever but the fact that my lights are on 24/7 because of her weird ass sleep schedule annoys me. Which leads to my next complaint. \n\n* She is driving all my bills up. I took on a roommate so I could save money for a new car. This chick takes 45 minute showers, leaves lights and her pc on 24/7. She is wasteful when it comes to food as well but she has food stamps so that's her problem I guess. But anyone who will open a thing of lunch meat and then sniff it the next day to make sure it's still good is really fucking stupid. You JUST opened it. Doesn't matter though because she'll throw it away after it's been open for just 24 hours. Ridiculous. \n\n* She's really dumb. Like not intelligent at all. She's 30 years old and doesn't know how to do basic things like open a bank account, use the washer/dryer, use the oven, cook a hamburger. Things that are really common sense. She's just not book smart as well. Her vocabulary is very limited. However...\n*  She talks ALL THE TIME. She comments on the smallest thing my cats do, what's going on outside. She can't just tell a story she has to drag it out for like 5 minutes. Everything is funny to her. I can't have a conversation with anyone else in my house without her butting in. I'm NOT talking to you! Why are you putting in your two cents?!\n* She's lazy. The only thing she will do is dishes when I write on the board that it's her turn. She will not wipe down a kitchen counter, clean the bathroom (her hair is all over my bathroom sink right now and the bathroom trash is running over with her 200 pads/panty liners). It's like she's not going to do anything until I tell her to. I'm not her mother so this thought pisses me off so badly.\n\n* She thinks it's okay to just not have rent on time. She has the money to pay her part of rent right now but she thinks she should have a few more days to make more money so she doesn't have to spend what she has now. Tomorrow will not be pleasant for her because I'm going to demand she give me all the money she owes or she's out the door. She will sit at her computer on Facebook or tumblr all day but she won't make her goals with her job. \n\n* She has no goals for the future. She just mooches off me and the government. She lived with her parents until the age of 30 and is just content with her food stamps, no driver license and 10 dollar a day job. When I kick her out (which will happen in the next few months I'm sure) she'll go right back to living with her parents and doing nothing all day long.\n\n* She sits at her desk and stares at me. I feel like when I'm in the same room with her she has a damn staring problem. It's creepy though there are more pressing issues than that. It's just annoying.\n\n* Back to the food. She will use my food without asking. She went through 3 gallons of milk by herself in less than a month. That is insane to me. I don't get food stamps so that is coming out of my pocket. \n\n* She goes through a 24 pack of toilet paper in a week. I have stopped sharing it with her because of this. She currently has half a roll that I so graciously let her have until she gets more. \n\n* She NEVER leaves the house. She is either sleeping or sitting in front of her computer. Never even goes out on the porch or anything. \n\nSigh. I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't stand but that's all I can think of right now that stands out.", "answer": "Is she... sick or something?  Sounds too weird to be true.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "221pws", "comment_id": "cgir168"}, {"question": "How do you know a therapost is right for you?", "description": "It took me a while to get to the point where I can ask for help, and I'm worried about going to therapy and all.\nI just want to know if anyone has advice about finding a therapist that you will know is good (right now I am doing searches online and such).\n\nI'm just a little worried because I heard about people going from therapist to therapist. Maybe if there is someone who can give me some headers about therapy?", "answer": "Therapy is all about the relationship between therapist and client.  I happen to be one.  What matters is that you feel comfortable with them. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "931e3u", "comment_id": "e39yap9"}, {"question": "Horrible HIV anxiety. Need a little calming down.", "description": "I'm an OCD sufferer with a horrible amount of anxiety around my fear of contracting HIV. I've had the fear for a couple of years now. It comes and goes based on situations I feel I'm at risk. I was at a party last night and I did a hit from a joint and afterwards I realized my friend who passed me it had a little dried blood on her fingers from a cut. I immediately began having that stomach turning feeling and thought, oh god what if she has it and I got it? She did a hit before me and I was second in the circle.\n\nLater that night my panic attack set in and I told her my fear and told me she's clean etc and calmed me down. She is a good friend of mine and she definitely isn't someone who sleeps around or anything.\n\nI just wanted to ask for a little help and reassurance (I hope) and maybe some info on how likely it would be that transmission would happen etc. if I start googling I'll send myself into another panic attack. Help me reddit. :( I feel pretty alone in this.", "answer": "Thankfully- HIV is pretty hard to transmit. Even if your friend had been HIV infected- that casual contact you had wouldn't put you at risk. Basically- she would have to be positive with an open cut, and touch you in an area where you have a fresh cut- and even then it isnt likely to transmit.\n\nInstead of googling diseases, maybe you should google a good local therapist?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "s9ief", "comment_id": "c4g0vji"}, {"question": "Diet pills and laxatives ?", "description": "Is it okay to take both laxatives and diet pills? If not had anyone taken diet pills? If so, how have they affected you. Did they suppress your appetite, or make you sick? Just asking what people\u2019s experiences have been with diet pills", "answer": "Diet pills make me shaky and laxatives dehydrate.\nI would only take them if a doctor advises it. \n\nWhat I do personally is take my doctor-prescribed medication for appetite control and take Metamucil OTC.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "htz7f2", "comment_id": "fyk50li"}, {"question": "15y 10m occasional smoker, how to regain memory loss from weed", "description": "Hey guys.\n\nSo I've probably smoked weed about 20-25 times max in the last 6 months, never more than 2-3 cones as I'm a soft cock mostly over the Christmas/January holidays, and gotten drunk about a dozen in the last year Between Christmas and mid-late December I suffered sleep deprivation, and when I got out of it I thought it had left me with permanent effects.\n\nAnyway a couple weeks ago I was taking to my uncle in-law who's an expert on sleep. I explained my symptoms and as soon as my mother left the room he asked how much dope I'd been smoking.\n\nI'd felt quiet, slow, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, and just in general felt really dumb.\n\nWhat I couldn't wrap my head around is that all of my mates who had started experimenting with weed/alcohol around the same time frame had experienced absolutely no changes. We're all pretty smart people who get A's/B's in school (grade ten Australia), literally most people in my grade at my large school would have smoked as much as me. I told my uncle this and he said people react differently, but how can I reach this differently?\n\nI was a pretty smart kid, now I feel like I have to put effort in to get a B. I do feel a lot better since I stopped, although I slipped up last weekend so I've had 2 cones in 25 days, stupidly got drunk on Friday. Other than that been sober. \n\nWill I regain my cognitive capabilities? My memory just doesn't feel the same. It darkens me that I may have ruined my entire future over a few seshes with my mates. \n\nShould I undergo some memory exercises? Or maybe even get an MRI or other brain scans to see if it's something else, I mean the time frame makes it plausible to say it's from weed/alcohol, but how can this be possible for not an excessive amount of use.\n\nWriting this at 11:23 on a school night. I'm rattled and I can't stop thinking about it.\n\nAre these effects going to be permanent?\n\nHelp me reddit.", "answer": "Regular smoking before age 16 is about the only time you can do real, permanent damage. Sounds like you haven't gotten there yet though. Just give it time. 100% sober time though because you want your brain to get used to not expecting the high, not just the percentage of time not high. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b4vtsb", "comment_id": "ej9lly1"}, {"question": "My[25/F] ex-boyfriend [23/M] of four years stalked me and it's effecting my mental health", "description": "My ex boyfriend and I dated for four years, we broke up about a year ago. He was emotionally abusive, as well as sexually abusive. I had woken up with him inside of me, continuing after saying no. *[I was raised in a abusive household, where my mother was also abused so I didn't think I there was anything wrong with the way my ex boyfriend treated me.]* My ex boyfriend, put me down a lot and isolated me from my friends and family. I had tried to break up with him, but he manipulated me into staying on more than one occasion. He would be angry and jealous about me spending time with my friends, and would insist to go with. However, my friends would decline or cancel plans with me when they found out about his attendance. My friends expressed concern but I was deluded enough at the time to believe I loved him and he loved me. When I was finally able to break up with him, I told him we were broken up, but we could talk about things in a week-like where we stand (friends or not), he agreed. However, I became quickly attacked with endless phone calls and text messages. When I wouldn't engage his behavior at first, he showed up at my house unannounced, banging on my door. He has reason for this trip, he was dropping my personal items off on my porch, but then insisted I HAD to tell him why we broke up, and that he DESERVED an explanation. I told him he needed to leave my property. He did but only to return five minutes later. He was banging on the door again, telling me I OWED it to him. I told him he needed to leave, I was home alone and half asleep-as he had woken me from a dead sleep. I was scared and sent him away, hoping he wouldn't return. He returned once more, conveniently to drop off more of my personal belongings. Still angry and insisting I have to speak with him. *I never let him in the house- we have a locked screen door and a wooden door, I cracked open the wooden door to speak to him only*. I told him this time if he returned to my property the police would be called. I was petrified to leave my house anywhere alone. But the threat of the police kept him away for the moment. He still continued to harass me through electronic communication, going between \"I love you come back\" to \"I am the only one that cares about you, no one else loves you\". He asked my mom, and more than one of my friends to speak to me on his behalf for forgiveness. I told him if he didn't leave me and my family alone I would get a restraining order, and things seemed quiet for a little bit. It wasn't until he HAPPENED to show up at the same place I did, that I realized it wasn't that simple. He claimed it was coincidence. Later, his best friend confronted me, providing me text messages between him and my ex. He told me flat out \"He is stalking you\". When I blocked my ex off of facebook, his used his best friends account to find me and my location via \"find friends\". With this he managed to follow me places, and this included sitting around the corner in his truck while I was at my friends house, waiting for me to come out. It got to the point, where legal action had to be taken, after finding out about what his best friend eluded to. I already struggle with Mental Illness-so all of my pre-existing anxiety was through the roof. Panic attacks were close together and intense. I passed out because I saw a truck I thought looked like his (not even close-different model and color). This was all during the restraining order process and after. Once he was served, I didn't hear anything from him [I was protected under a temporary order]. However, when we went to court-he showed up and served me that day so the trial had to be pushed. What he served me included letters from his family, his mom and two of his sisters and his own letter. These letters trying to make me seem as though I am the abuser, that I always made him unhappy and they expressed concern, that it was my mental illness that made him unhappy and that he did not do anything wrong and I was making some sort of sick joke. Once the three hearings were done(it took three to finish it), I went up there alone, I did not have any letters from anyone, I had my own deposition and all the text messages for proof and I came in with one person sitting in the audience for me. He came in with a witness (one of the sisters that wrote a letter against) and four family members-along with his letters. So after these three hearings, I got a restraining order- it was evident he lied in court documents because I had evidence to prove otherwise and when asked about the stalking, he admitted guilt-which he denied in the letter. After all of this, I got a restraining order-while it makes/made me feel better-it doesn't return my piece of mine. It's been almost a year since the breakup and the stalking started and I am over the relationship but my peace of mine was taken and I can't seem to get it back. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist, as much as I can fiscally afford. But I still can see and feel and hear these things happening in my head, and I can't not be afraid when I see a truck that looks close to his.\nI am wondering if anyone has experienced similar?\nOr has suggestions on how I could find my way back to having some peace of mind?\n\n**tdlr;** My abusive ex-boyfriend of four years stalked me and I got a restraining order, but I still can't find any peace of mind[I do receive professional treatment]. Do you have similar experiences? Do you have anything that could help? ", "answer": "DV Therapist here.\n\nGreat job with the restraining order. Above all else, you need to stick to a safety plan. 3 places you can go if he's at your home, and safe contacts like friends and family. If he ever breaks the restraining order don't feel afraid to notify the police. Get ready to document and record anything. Continue working on appropriate barriers between you and the abusive partner to make sure you have a healthy, distant relationship with him.\n\nAnd that's awesome that you're in treatment. DV treatment is all about taking control of your life back. Your abusive partner took away your power and control through his abusive behaviors, and it takes time to gain that control back. Allow yourself to feel emotions, and continue to recognize the ways he was abusive. You're fully capable of moving past the abuse, I promise you. It just takes time.\n\nYou're already past the hardest part. Good luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "64424f", "comment_id": "dfzithu"}, {"question": "Some advice please", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm new to Reddit but I could use some sage advice. Some back story about my girlfriend (24) and me (28). We met at work and started casually hooking up then about a week later started dating. We've been together 7 months now. Things moved way too fast, I gave up my place and moved in with her because I lost common sense and now we have an apartment together which I pay for. About the last 3 of the 7 months we were always fighting and 'breaking up'. We never left each other for over 24 hours, we never even left the apartment permanently. We also suffered a miscarriage about 2 months ago which devastated the both of us. Anyways, one fight sent us both over the top and we 'broke up'. About a day later we talked and said we're still committed to one another and decided to stay together. She wanted to remove the title of boyfriend and girlfriend but try to repair things little by little. Try to save what was left. I think the source of our fights was moving too fast and not giving the time to really get to know one another.\nI usually like to talk things out and squash any issues we might have. She on the other hand doesn't like talking about difficult or uncomfortable topics, even when it relates to us. She says she wants someone who communicates with her but she won't really talk to me about anything that's bothering her. I can tell when something is, it usually comes out when it overwhelms her and she starts crying. We've had issues about being friends with exes, which I don't like and never do, but she does and explains to me first and foremost they're friends and because they ended not on bad terms, why not stay friends? I guess that makes sense, I don't know. The advice I need is what should I do to help us communicate better? Should I worry about her exes even though she reassures me nothing is going on?\nI have trust issues and I know it, I so really badly want to have confidence in her but based on how things were going the last few months, I don't have it. I don't really have confidence that we'll even make it as a couple. I love her, but at the same time, would permanently breaking up be the best for both of us?\nThings have been going well the last few weeks and the fighting has basically stopped. Help.", "answer": "get couple counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6itsh2", "comment_id": "dj8z1oj"}, {"question": "I [35/m] have great career opportunities, but my BF (45/m) of two years cannot move. Unsure if I should go, have a serious talk with him, or just stay.", "description": "I was working for a major global consulting firm until May, when I was laid off. While I had built a reputation there that allowed me to do my work remotely, typically the career I have a passion for requires one to live in a major global city. If I started looking for a job in that field, I'd likely soon get one and be flitting about the globe doing work that saves lives.\n\n\nI have a BF. He will not move from our city. He made this clear from Day 1. We say we love each other. We've been together two years and lived together seven months. Still, whenever someone refers to him as my \"partner\" or anything like that he explicitly reminds them we are \"boyfriends\" and \"there is no ring on my finger.\" I know he cares about me, and I have kept him 100% in the loop on the fact that I am sacrificing opportunities by staying local. I trust that he would tell me if he thinks this is not something worthwhile. However, we have not had this conversation outright. We do not share finances, and have not made any future plans (like buying a home together).\n\n\nBy most estimations, at eight months unemployed, with just a BF (not a fiancee or partner), and the ability to earn a six figure income in another city, I should have left by now! However, I love my town and I think this is the guy for me, so I've stayed and nearly bankrupted myself. Incidentally, I just got a job that pays half of what I used to make and is terribly boring. I think it can sustain me emotionally and financially for three months max.\n\n\nI'm debating what to do. Almost everyone I know has said I need to go after the job I love. I know that if I do, in six months I'll be happy in Paris or London or NYC with the BF a memory in the past. However, if he and I are really a go, I would choose to stay here and make something work for my career (I can find fulfilling work here, it just takes time, and I would abandon my passion). I cannot decide if I should...\n\n1. Just start job hunting and go. I would have to tell the BF if I start applying outside our town - sitting here in our house being in love while I'm secretly looking to leave would be disingenuous.\n\n2. Have \"the conversation\" with the BF. We are two years in after all. We do not have to get engaged, but maybe it is time to really ask if he wants to spend his life with me. If I do this, even though we both know career looms over my head, my thought is this should be independent of career. I already know if he says  he wants to be together forever, I will stay. On the other hand, I am imagining him saying, \"We've only know each two years, and the last eight months have been under terrible stress due t your job loss, and I fear you may leave for a job you really love. You're asking too much of me to decide that.\"\n\n3. Do nothing. Just keep looking for the right job here and let the relationship progress on a relaxed path. My fear is that I give up great opportunities and then we break up anyway.\n\n\ntl:dr I have great career opportunities that would require me to move, and my BF of to years will not move (that has been a condition since we met). I think he's the guy for me, but then again, we are not engaged. Trying to decide if I stay and sacrifice my passion (and a lot of money), or just go and pursue my career and put the BF behind me.", "answer": "always talk. the biggest mistake redditors make is they don't talk to their SO about their feelings enough.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qavgn", "comment_id": "dcxpw2i"}, {"question": "Facing a Brain Biopsy for my Sweet Mother. (Desperately looking for Hope/Help)", "description": "SHORT VERSION:\nMy mother (59, 110lbs, Jewish) lies in a hospital bed beside me. She is sleeping but may be in a coma for all I know at this point. A nasogastric line is delivering some nutrition. Her legs are bent at the knee, pulled up towards her chest, pointing left. PT cannot determine whether her muscle movement is voluntary or spastic. \n\nI've posted about her several times now. Her decline began four months ago with achy joints and a sore throat. Now we've arrived at this unfathomable state of affairs. No diagnosis. The doctors' best guess is some type of Prion disease. She did test negative for the protein that would indicate the presence of vCJD, but we are going to proceed with a brain biopsy ASAP.  Curious if anyone has any experience dealing with this procedure (doctor or patient perspective) and may have any insight on what to expect (I.e. How long of a hospital stay may this require?)\n\nFor more info on my mother's case, please continue with the story below. Thanks in advance to anyone who can offer any insight. \n\n*************************************\n\nEXTENDED VERSION:\nBack when she initially got sick in June, her primary initially thought it might be Lyme and prescribed Doxytricycline, but she quit the course before it was through because she felt it was causing side effects. She then requested a different antibiotic because she didn't feel any better, and her doc prescribed a 10-day course of Levaquin. She had also developed a terrible dry cough, and complained of brain fog. Lost her appetite and developed tremors in her hands. Ended up in the hospital for four days. \n\nAfter all testing came back normal, they released her and told her to get some rest. There was speculation then that the root may have been psychiatric exhaustion. She spent the following week mostly in bed with little appetite, complaining of a brain fog she couldn't shake. She became increasingly exhausted, unable to interact for longer than 10-15 minutes before having to lie down. A slow neurocognitive decline followed. Conversations were beginning to trail off into odd disassociation. She was hospitalized again a few weeks later when it seemed she was really beginning to slip away, less responsive all the time. This time for 12 days. She continued to decline into a stretches of near-vegetative states. Increasingly non-verbal. (SIGNIFICANT SIDE NOTE: at one point during her stay, they discovered a bad UTI and treated her with antibiotics. I saw her the following morning, and like a miracle, she had returned to her body. I cried tears of joy. My mother was back! We spoke clearly and honestly. She described it as if she'd woken from a dream and had no recollection of the previous days. This window of lucidity only lasted a few hours. By the next morning, she was gone again to a far away place.)\n\nShe had tons of blood work, radiology, and two lumbar punctures. Still no diagnosis. She was unable to void urine on her own and had a Foley catheter put in. \n\nMy stepfather brought her home, hoping a return to a comfortable setting would have a positive effect. The first day, she was mostly catatonic. But by day two, she was speaking again. Not lucid. But speaking. They took walks. She was eating and drinking more. A week and a half later, she declined again. Unable to chew the food in her mouth. On Tuesday 10-17, we took her to the ER. \n\nNow she's here. Unconscious. Nasogastric tube up her nose. Her mind may be completely gone by now for all I know. A brain biopsy should be happening soon. Perhaps another brain MRI beforehand. \n\nSome family members have been insistent in their belief that this is Lyme despite all tests for it returning negative. Now, their best guess is Prion Disease. \n\nWe are DEVASTATED. We keep looking back to a week or so ago, longing for even that severely reduced level of cognition. Not having a diagnosis makes it all the worse. \n\nPlease share my mother's story. It isn't over yet. We need help. \n\nSincerely,\n\nEight Track", "answer": "Sorry to hear this.\n\nHas she had an EEG or SPECT scan by any chance? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77iolp", "comment_id": "don7oy3"}, {"question": "how do I F(21) stop feeling so inferior to new guys (M24) ex GF and baby mama and should we even carry on seeing each other?", "description": "I started dating a new guy 2 months ago  after meeting him on a night out, and since then we've been seeing each over the past couple of months a few times a week. He told me after the first week that he had a little boy who is now 5 months old and that he wasn't with the baby's mom anymore, that they had split just before the baby was born. I dont know the exact reasons that they did split but I think it had something to do with her wanting to keep the baby when they found out she was pregnant and him not.\n\nA couple of days ago he brought up a conversation about us and where we were headed in the future, he said that he really likes me and could see it going somewhere. I agreed with him as I do really like the guy and said that in time I see us having a future together too. He also brought up that he would have to tell his ex about us eventually and also his parents and my parents. He said that his ex still wants him back and constantly messages him about this. He also said that his mom isn't happy with him for leaving his ex when she was pregnant/with a newborn. I feel like if we were to continue seeing each other and for it to get more serious it's just going to cause a shitload of problems for everybody, his ex will be upset/mad and it sounds like his mom will be mad too, plus I have no idea how my family will react to me dating a guy with a baby but I don't think it will be good. \n\nI do really like him and we get on so well but I know that if we continue seeing each other and get more feelings it's going to be really difficult. Should we keep going with this and just deal with the problems/people as they come in the future or is it not even worth trying because of just how messy the situation would become? \n\nAnother thing is that his ex gf is gorgeous and I have no idea why he would ever want to cause all of this mess just to date me. I don't think my insecurities are helping the situation either as it's making me even more unsure of whether we should even be contemplating this in the first place. :(( ", "answer": "gorgeous is a tiny part of a real rel.   don't fret about that. everyone comes as a package deal.  everyone! yes he has baggage, and his ex will be in your lives always because of the child.  BUT, if you and he are REALLY SOLID, you can make it work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ljcmm", "comment_id": "dbw5l3q"}, {"question": "Recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts", "description": "Hello!\n\nDo you have any recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts made by an actual professional in the field?\n\nIf it matters, this is for someone who is planning to get married for the first time.\n\nThank you so much!", "answer": "Not sure if they have podcasts.....but there\u2019s videos and info available from both of these:  Gottman institute and Sue Johnson (Emotionally focused Couples Therapy). I love both of these and they have some similarities.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehtwkg", "comment_id": "fcmfybz"}, {"question": "Can social contact delay onset of Schizophrenia?", "description": "I am a 28 year old male, and my friend is also 28 years old. My friend was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when we were 25 years old.\n\nHe was, and still is my very good friend, someone who I knew from Kindergarten. After University, my friends and I stopped talking to him, limiting our conversations to Facebook. Three years back, we learnt that he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. \n\nHis primary caregivers, his parents insinuated that had we kept in touch with him often, we could have prevented or delayed the onset. \n\nIs there is any truth in this notion that by simply being in touch could have assuaged his situation?", "answer": "There's nothing to suggest that social connection has a strong effect on incidence of schizophrenia. As someone else said, withdrawing from social contact can be part of the prodrome or syndrome of schizophrenia.\n\nI think the family may also be really looking for something to blame and some sense that this at least could have been controlled. In reality, it can't be. Schizophrenia is highly genetic and also highly responsive to stressors that in large part aren't under anyone's control, and the ones that are are usually under the individual's control, not others. But even if there were something doable, hindsight is 20/20. You can't live your life as a risk modifier for everyone else, and you couldn't do that even if you had absolutely reliable insight into risks and what you could do, which you don't.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d84wg2", "comment_id": "f17tagk"}, {"question": "Complicated Question (22M, 19F)", "description": "I dated this girl for a while and we had a real strong connection. Recently though she found out she'd be heading back to University 6 months earlier than anticipated and so she said we should stop dating now to make it easier than later down the road. At the time I agreed but I don't know, I really felt a connection with her and she seemed to have one with me. I was thinking of just asking her one time if she'd be willing to continue it even after heading to Uni, as a long distance thing, but what do you guys think?\n\nI'm assuming this sub in particular will have more insight with LDR and whatnot.", "answer": "always ask", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rrp2t", "comment_id": "dl783yl"}, {"question": "Have company benefits; should I tell doc I smoke?", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nI currently have a really great benefits plan with my company.  If I tell my doctor I smoke ciggeretes, how will this effect my health insurance? Should I be honest? Would I have at one point filled out any insurance info about wether I smoked or not (can't recall). \n\nThanks", "answer": "Think of it another way - should you become unwell and you haven't disclosed your smoking status, your insurance becomes invalid.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yebqw", "comment_id": "d6n65ni"}, {"question": "The self fulfilling prophecy of being labelled \"intelligent\" or \"gifted\"", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Well figure this. I was considered a smart kid yet never did well in school. I think it's because I already felt a lot of pressure and sadness even before beginning school. I did badly at school (was considered \"lazy\" but was actually depressed) and have fought hard to get to university and finish my masters at 28. I'm 32 now and I have no idea who I have been living for. Not for me anyway. I've been proving my worth. Now I feel crap a lot and have been in therapy for years already working through it all, and hopefully eventually finding my own path. This is difficult and very painful, but somehow I feel the process of self discovery and ending the neglect towards yourself to also be greatly inspiring. The only thing I'm really struggling with is the social isolation. That really hurts and is so difficult to overcome.", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "eyz2ww", "comment_id": "fgmg20y"}, {"question": "When anxiety strikes... walk SLOWER.", "description": "Take a stroll around the house in slow motion. It really helps! Just a tip guys and gals.", "answer": "Do EVERYTHING slower and with intention.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "efvvp5", "comment_id": "fc3xpi2"}, {"question": "Do I need a referral from a primary care doctor to see a specialist for lower back issues?", "description": "30M, 5'11, 168lbs, Caucasian, no meds or prior major health concerns. Dealing with chronic lower back pain.\n\nI don't have a primary care doctor. I never really get sick other than the occasional head cold. I did try to establish one two years ago. I went to him for 1 physical, and then he moved away. I want to see a spine specialist, but do I have to get referred by a primary care doctor? Since I don't have one I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?\n\nBackground:\nI have had consistent lower back pain for as long as I can remember. I have a vivid memory of being like 8 and waking up one morning and telling my parents by lower back was sore. I can't remember when it began exactly, but I know it started when I was young and has just gotten progressively worse over time. I have had it so long that I have no idea what not having lower back pain feels like, but it is getting to a point where it is really starting to limit what I can do. It hurts most before bed and first thing in the morning, but it bothers me all day as well.\n\nThe best way that I can describe the pain is that it feels like my two lowest vertebrae right at the base of my lumbar have no disc between them. It feels like it's bone on bone. No matter what position I lay in, it hurts. When I bend over forward it's a very strong pain. My muscles are tight, but it feels like something more. If I lay in bed on my side and tense up my hips and rotate my waist a little bit I can feel those vertebrae shift as though there is very little support, like they are loosely just sitting in there. It constantly aches.\n\nThe weird thing is that I am very active. I run a lot, I lift 3-5 days a week. I run 11 mile tough mudders with my wife. Those things don't bother my back as much as just standing in one spot, walking long distances, sitting down, or leaning over and picking up any weight over 20 lbs where my back is engaged more than my legs. I have learned how to adapt my body to do lifts and wear a back brace on days where do I light weight squats or shoulder exercises\n\nMy dad, his two brothers, and his mom have all had surgery to help with spinal stenosis. It runs in my family and my sister says she has lower back problems too. Their symptoms seem different than mine though. I don't have numbness in my legs or butt. I just have an ache that I can pin point to my spine and the surrounding muscles remain sore at all times.\n\nThank you in advance for any feedback you can provide.", "answer": "Whether you need a referral for specialists depends on your insurance policy. It's not something we can answer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "akw7xb", "comment_id": "ef8h5m7"}, {"question": "I've tried everything to get someone to like me and failed. I'm ready to destroy my body", "description": "Soon to be 18 years old and I've never been in a relationship before. I was pulled out of school twice last year for suicidal and homicidal thoughts (I admitted I had plans to shoot all the couples and married teachers at both of our major school dances) and struggled to meet people being at an all-male school and not being particularly outgoing.\n\nI eventually got over the fear of rejection and started going to lots of underage drinking parties and hitting on girls from other schools there. I got rejected and embarrassed by everyone I approached and starting spiraling back into isolation and violent anger.\n\nFast forward to now and I'm ready to give life another shot before I start planning to go postal again, but I want to be better prepared.\n\nI have a connection to a dealer who has a lot of high-power steroids and has given me a suggestion for a \"stack\" to try it. This would involve taking massive amounts of testosterone enhancers through pills as well as injections in both my arms.\n\nDo I need to destroy myself to get accepted or will this fail just like everything else has?", "answer": "What are you hoping to accomplish with the steroids?  It sounds like a terrible idea and you seem to see it as essentially self destructive yourself.  What you should do is to get into psychotherapy, like for anger management and depression.  You should join a mindfulness meditation group.  To use a star wars metaphor, this anger is the 'dark side' and there is another and better (ultimately more satisfying) way to work with the intense pain of social rejection that you are almost certainly trying to cope with here.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "534fy2", "comment_id": "d7q2pt2"}, {"question": "Resisted temptation yesterday", "description": "I struggled yesterday for the first time really, but managed to resist.\n\nI realised that actually it was being hungry that was making me crave a drink so I had lots to eat and a couple of pints of water. The other thing that helped me to resist was that I had planned a 4 mile run for this morning which I did at 7am.\n\nFeeling quite proud of both things. \n\nWas worried yesterday that I might struggle to not have a drink tonight (as I'm not planning to run tomorrow), but I think I'll be OK. \n\nStarting to lose a bit of weight and feel a bit physically stronger even after only a few days. \n\nIWNDWYT ", "answer": "Yes..  often i think the craving for alcohol is a need alright but often other things fix it...food, water or even brushing your teeth. Meet the need. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m9tia", "comment_id": "dzmblpy"}, {"question": "Now that you have lived on your own, what is the best advice you would give to someone moving out for the first time?", "description": "F, 21, beginning to look at apartments for moving to Chicago from the suburbs. It will be my first time moving out. \n\nAll advice, tips, and lessons learned welcome !", "answer": "Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.\n\n...In general make sure you have cleaning supplies and if you're like me and suck at chores, clean as you go as much as possible and plan out when to do things like dishes, taking out trash, vacuuming, laundry etc. \n\nIf you're living with roommates this becomes even more important as you all will have to divide those duties.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "g1e5uy", "comment_id": "fnfvm9e"}, {"question": "Ohh the glorious impulsivity that comes with being Borderline.", "description": "I posted the other day about working/holding down a job while having BPD. I said how much I hated the job after two weeks in.\n\nWell, I quit the job yesterday. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and it was causing me more anxiety and stress. I just couldn't stick with it.\n\nNo, I don't have a job lined up. I've taken the initiative and started applying for jobs though before I officially quit. I do have an interview tomorrow.\n\nIt's really difficult for me to hold a job. I have to REALLY like it to want to stick with it. No matter what people tell me, no matter how hard they try to encourage me... If I don't like it, I flee (as with most things in life). People try to tell me to just be mature and stay until something better comes along... I CAN'T! I literally can't. And it's impossible trying to explain it to someone who doesn't fucking understand at all. And the worst part is, I'm so charming and bubbly during the interview, I usually get the job. Then after I'm at the job for a little bit, and I hate it, I just stop showing up or make an excuse for having to quit.\n\nMy brain is too complicated to explain to neurotypicals and it's exhausting trying to do so.\n\nAm I the only one who struggles with being impulsive? I can't be. I'd really like some support if any of you could help. x", "answer": "I struggle too, I practice radical acceptance and opposite action though, knowing full well most often my feelings are not correct and it will pass over time. Plus self care ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6d4ye3", "comment_id": "di0yrm7"}, {"question": "Can someone please help my brother has tried everything, and he's becoming suicidal.", "description": "Any help would be much appreciated.\n\n**Brother's Stats**\n\n**Age**: 33\n\n\n**Height**: 5ft 8'\n\n\n**General Health before 4 months ago**: Very good, regular exercise (running, playing soccer etc) drank once a week (although quite a few units of alcohol), no previous cases of mental illness, relatively healthy diet, although he is a vegetarian (and has been all his life).\n\n**Weight**: 72 kg (although has decreased since he has been ill)\n\n**Race**: White British\n\n**Current Medication**  Quetiapine (one tablet at night, unsure of dosage)\n\n**Overview**\n\nSo my brother became quite ill approximately 4-5 months ago. It started as what seemed like a general bug that he (and **some** friends picked up whilst travelling in Iceland. He seemed to get mostly better but just generally felt run down and looked pale and lost some weight. His friends seemed to get completely better but he did not.\n\nAbout 4.5 months ago, he began to become quite anxious believing he had blood poisoning (this is when I first became quite concerned) as my brother is never the sort of person to become fussed or exaggerate about anything. So my parents took him to the hospital to do some blood tests. At this point he said his main problem was feeling very weak all over and just exhausted as well as 'achy'. He was going to the toilet a **lot**, which meant feeling like he needed to pass stool every 20 mins - 30 mins. He had diarrhoea and at this point looked as though he had dropped to 66 kg. He also said he needed to urinate often every 15 mins or so.\n\nThe blood tests came back fine. But my brother began to feel worse and worse. Passing a lot of gas with continued pain in his abdomen. Then he had some stress with his landlord booting him out so he moved back home with our mum and dad so they could keep an eye on him. At this point he had stopped going into work as he felt so awful. (And he never likes to miss work).\n\nMy brother decided to go to a private clinic to get more intensive testing done. Stool, blood and urine tests where all done, as well as a more comprehensive stool test which was sent to the USA for analysis. The stool test came back as he continued to get worse. They showed that he had a high count of Endolimax Nana and Blastocystis Hominis, which the doctor said were normal in some people.\n\nIt then seemed as if it were some sort stomach bug and the doctor agreed and thought he may have picked it up whilst being in hot spas in Iceland. So he was given a course of anti biotics, he completed the course, but generally felt worse. He then took some probiotics as well as some herbal remedies such as oregano oil and caprylic acid etc, hoping that they would alleviate his symptoms which now seemed to be getting worse. He generally felt nauseous, and although the amount of gas and belching reduced, he still had pain in his abdomen and he continued to feel dehydrated all the time, despite drinking 2 litres of watery a day at least, as well as his urine being very dark still.\n\nAs time rolled on and continued tests showed nothing, he began to feel more anxious and obviously depressed at not being able to pin point what the problem was. This led to him to have mental break downs as the pain then 'spread to his bones', he said that he has constant cracking and pain in his joints, and feels constant malaise.\n\nHe now rocks back and forth gibbering and crying, asking and pleading to everyone to help him and he has had several 'episodes' where he has driven to A&E as he believed that 'he is in a really bad way' and 'hasn't got long left', and that something is 'eating his bones'. He paces back and forward crying 'why won't anyone help him, and he's going to die'. \n\nMy Mum and Dad have been out of their depth and although being concerned they do not know what to do. The doctors will not do anymore tests as they said 'they have checked for everything' and are now convinced that it is mental and he doesn't have any pain as nothing is showing up on any x-rays, blood tests etc. Then the doctors have now put him on quetiapine to take in the evenings to calm him down, as he literally shakes with fear and cries while scrunching his hands saying how 'doomed' he is, and how he is 'not gonna make it, so scared, so scared, he doesn't want to die' and how much of 'a bad way' he is in.\n\nAfter he was put on that drug, I think he personally got worse as he started to say weird things such as the last text message I sent him over and over again, and not really realising he was saying it. I put this down to the fact that the drug was somewhat messing with his mind.\n\nHe shows me pictures of his stool saying they are 'not normal' and I think to some degree they are not because they are a little loose. He now has a carer come around to ask him how each day is and to get him to talk about his anxiety, but he discredits them as being a waste of time as its this bug which is 'eating at his bones' and that he can feel it. Crying that 'he used to be so healthy and loved playing sport'.\n\nNow it does strike me as a mental break down of some sort, and it's certainly stressful but I know that he did lose a lot of weight and he was passing a lot of gas, and before he had a complete melt down, it did seem as if there were very visible symptoms.\n\nMy parents have pretty much given up and do believe it to be anxiety, but he showed me his urine the other day after drinking two litres of water and it was genuinely still very dark.\n\nHe has gone to various specialists who have ruled out rheumatoid arthritis, cancers etc. But now he has to start CBT (hypnotherapy) which he thinks is a complete waste of time because he feels in constant pain, and that he cannot use his hands or move his neck due to a constant clicking pain.\n\nI guess my general question is, has anyone got any experience of this? Or what would be some tests that we could do that the doctors may not have thought about?\n\nI'm quite worried because he says \"You are my only hope, no one believes me, they all think I'm crazy but I can feel my bones eroding and I've ruined everyones lives, I'm going to just kill myself, I am in constant pain and no one is listening to me\".\n\nHe physically breaks down because the pain is unbearable and it's driving him insane.\n\nHe has spoken to another doctor who has issued him with a super strong round of anti biotics as well as L-glutamine and some strong probiotics to take over a 2 week period.\n\nBut the doctor has issued them without taking another stool sample recently. \n\nWhat can I suggest, I am all out of ideas and when I look at him he is clearly broken , but I saw the physical early symptoms (the belching, the urine, the loose stools and the weight loss so I know that he wasn't faking that. I just wonder if he has got himself into a state reading so much online about endolimax nana and how it eats away at your calcium levels etc and he is convinced that he still has it and that it is destroying his bones.\n\nWould checking his vitamin levels be a good idea?\n\nI tell him he still looks healthy and he says ' No, no you don't understand, I am not, I am in a really bad way, I'm not gonna make it, I'm in so much pain, why won't anyone believe me!!!' and then he starts crying. He was never an emotional person and would never get anxious.\n\nI'm so sorry for the verbal diarrhoea and poor grammar I just had to get it all out. Any help is greatly appreciated.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "I doubt dipping in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland made him unwell. Sounds more like health anxiety, assuming no blood in stools.\n\nIt can become extremely distressing, and people tend to get into vicious cycles over it.\n\nIs quetiapine the only medication he has been tried on for the severe anxiety?\n\n[Heres some self help on health anxiety - PDF](https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/Documents/Health%2520Anxiety%2520A4%2520%25202010.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjb3-ikwt7OAhUDKsAKHdFaBJAQFggsMAI&usg=AFQjCNHQCvIFV-xB1phLydOpkrzXgPSALw)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zlz2x", "comment_id": "d6x85so"}, {"question": "Could this be DID?", "description": "I have a history of dp/dr and have BPD and PTSD among other things. I also have a history of past abuse. I do have separate \"personas\" I fluctuate into and have had since my early teens. Sometimes I feel really kiddy and giggly and want to play with children's toys and put on a onesie, sometimes I feel like a drag queen (I'm a woman though, so that's kinda weird right?), sometimes I feel transgender, goth, slutty, etc, etc. I don't know if this is just unstable self image because of the BPD or something else all together (like DID). Anyone have input/advice?", "answer": "I'd hesitate against assuming DID as it is extremely extremely rare (and is actually a debated diagnosis by many clinicians/academics). You are absolutely right that with BPD one tends to have a very unstable sense of self-image, can often fluctuate from feeling one way to another. \n\nHowever, again, this is best left to discussion with a therapist or psychiatrist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25fjku", "comment_id": "chgqom7"}, {"question": "Went to a psych and did not get a diagnosis. In crisis mode, havent slept in 2.5 weeks.", "description": "18/M/black/no meds. I've posted here a lot over the past week, but one because my symptoms keep progressing. Ive gone from waking up a few hours early to not getting any deep sleep at all, I close my eyes for what feels like a Lon time, then open them to see that its only been an hour. The occasional black dot or movement in my peripheral has turned into tiny translucent and black dot being seen on walls and in thr air constantly. Still cant tell if im hallucinating auditorially. Lack of sleep is seriously effecting my performance in college. I believe my mental state is deteriorating rapidly and there doesnt seem to be anything I can do about it. Ideas?", "answer": "Looking at your other posts, it seems anxiety/stress related.\n\nYou'd probably be pretty unwell if you ate getting zero hours of sleep over multiple days, but im sure it feels like it.\n\nI suspect a trial of an antidepressant might be of use.\n\n[Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/sleepproblems/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52qy10", "comment_id": "d7mnljg"}, {"question": "Should I see a doctor? Is this depression?", "description": "Apologies for shitty formatting, I don't use reddit often. For the last two years of my life I've been progressively getting worse and worse in the motivation department. My sleeping patterns are so insane now that I miss tons of consecutive alarms, sleep for 10-14 hours (regardless of how long I've been awake) and I keep digging myself a hole I can't get out of. I can't bring myself to do anything that I even remotely want to do, such as get more into the programming I've been doing for the past 7 years or even play video games. Very few things excite me whatsoever. I can't even get myself to play fucking video games sometimes, let alone even begin to pull the motivation out of thin air in order to concentrate on my studies (even when my major, Computer Science, is a complete joke to me because I have been doing it for half my life). I'm not even close to the situations that some people are in. My school is paid for - for which I am extremely grateful - and I don't even have to work to put myself through. My life is extremely easy and while I know I appreciate it mentally I can't even begin to do the EXTREMELY simple things that are required of me. I can barely function at this point and it's steering my life in direction I do not want it to go.\n\nA few other points; I'm not familiar with depression at all but I've had close friends/family of friends who have been there and I've heard that it's not just some \"sad\" spell that you get over, or that it doesn't even always have to involve sadness at all. I'm more angry at myself than anything and it's to the point where it's almost fucking smash-everything-in-the-room infuriating. I'm unable to stress about the things I KNOW I should be stressing about and it's concerning me now to a very critical point.\n\nI'm in need of help and I don't know where to turn as my family is also very blunt and apathetic to mental illness or anything involving something they can't see (\"it's not like you broke a leg!\", \"it's so easy why can't you just do it?\", \"you have no problem with your sleeping, just get yourself on track and go to bed early\", etc etc).\n\nI need to know what's going on here. Am I legitimately just a lazy fuck who's become used to doing nothing and not giving a shit? Or could there be something wrong with me? I need to know. I don't want anybody to try and soften the blow. I just need to fucking know. Even if it just means I'm a lazy piece of shit.\n\nIs this depression? Is it a mental issue? Should I seek help? Or should I concentrate on my life instead of searching for a \"convenient\" answer to my problems? Somebody please just point me in the right direction I have no idea what to do.", "answer": "This is very likely clinical depression indeed.  You are exhibiting textbook symptoms, including anger (irritability), loss of motivation, loss of pleasure, worthlessness (self-loathing), altered sleep, poor concentration.  You should absolutely seek professional medical and psychological evaluation and treatment for this.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3en25f", "comment_id": "ctgio16"}, {"question": "My best friend (18F) thinks she is hypnotized", "description": "Before I start, I want to mention that me and my bff's  home country is \"backwards\" does not take mental issues seriously. \n\nSo today my friend called me and asked me if I noticed any changes in her personality in the past years. I said I did, and there was in fact a major change were she went from being an extrovert to an introvert. She said that she also noticed that a long time ago, and she now realized why. According to her it was because she was hypnotized. \nI personally look at this things with skeptitism, but obviously I didn't tell that to her and listened to what she was saying. According to her, for the past years someone would call her while she was sleeping and tell her to behave a certain way, say that she was a bad girl and has to change and so on. When she woke up she would have a bad feeling but forget everything.  \nSo anyway, she said that the reason she remembered everything is because the woman who hypnotized her told her that she will remember everything after she moves to a different country, which she did. The woman also told her she won't stay there for long and return to her home country. \nShe also told me that she actually mentioned to me this before and she also told her mother, but we forgot cause that woman hypnotized us too. She is worried that I will forget this again.\n \nFor a second I thought she maybe playing a joke, but she sounded so sincere and was nearly crying.\n\nFrom one point I of course want to believe her, and if she is saying the truth then there is a high chance that she is in danger. There is another side where it maybe just part of her imagination, and if it is then I'm very worried about her mental health. \nI'm in a different country right now so I can't check on her frequently expect only online. I made her promise to text me and keep me updated. I told her to tell her parents but she is afraid that they will forget and because of that woman we will be in danger. I want to tell her parents myself but I'm afraid that they will think she is crazy and maybe do something, because our country does not know the difference between mental health diseases and being \"possessed by the devil\". What advice do you have? Is this a mental issue or it might be real? What can I do to ensure that my friend is safe?\n\nTL;DR: My best friend thinks she is being controlled by some creepy woman. That's why her personality has changed dramatically. I don't know what to do and how to help her since I'm in a different country.", "answer": "I have a lot of experience working with folks who have schizophrenia or present with similar psychotic features.  She needs help.  If she is experiencing the onset of schizophrenia or a related disorder, her best chances of living a relatively \"normal\" life are to get into therapy and even more importantly get the proper medications as soon as possible.  \n\nHypnotism is a real thing.  Only a very small % of the population are actually susceptible to it but generally it doesn't have these kinds of effects.  This really sounds a bit like some kind of psychosis going on.  \n\n\nTricky thing with folks like this is as magicbumblebee said, challenging her delusions will only put her on the defensive and reduce your chances of helping her.  One way that I work with these folks is to acknowledge what they're experiencing sounds incredibly stressful.  \n\n\n\"Wow if I had that happening to me I'd be freaking out too.  Have you considered going to a therapist or talking to a doctor to see if any meds could help you DEAL WITH THE STRESS that all this causes you?  You know people get meds and therapy to deal with things like work stress, and what you have going on sounds a hell of a lot more stressful.  Please consider it?\"\n\n\nGenerally if she explains to a psychiatrist what's going on, they're going to look to prescribe anti-psychotics, which hopefully would clear up the delusional thoughts or any type of auditory hallucinations if present.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9h4f6t", "comment_id": "e698h5g"}, {"question": "Considering a feeding tube. Advice?", "description": "\\[Just to be clear, I'm asking for advice, though I understand that anything said here does not constitute \"medical advice.\" I understand that reddit is not a substitute for a doctor.\\]\n\nI'm 30 years old, soon to be 31 on the 11th. I've struggled with several eating disorders over the last 15 years or so, and I've never had a good relationship with food. Lately, I've been under a lot of stress and struggling to keep my intake up for that reason. I gag on food and have to spit it out, even if I want to swallow it, and there is often the sensation of a balloon or something right at the top of my stomach. I'm constantly hungry but struggle to do anything about it because my body wants to reject it. \n\nEven when I enjoy food, I have to take several breaks and can only do one or two bites at a time. This has been going on too long, and I'm fucking miserable.\n\nMy thinking is that I'd like a feeding tube, probably just temporarily. If I can just get some nutrients directly into my body, I can have more energy and capability to change things and get better and cope with the underlying issues. But as long as I'm starving, it seems unrealistic.\n\nMy question is, how can I get a doctor to go for it? Should I ask for particular procedures or tests first? Also, what kind of specialist handles the insertion? I'm thinking a PEG would be my best option due to issues with swallowing. Also, I live in the US. Is it something insurance is likely to fight me about?", "answer": "Can you consume the liquid calories on your own? Like boost, ensure, soylent, huel. Stuff like that. It will be a lot cheaper and easier that way, physically more comfortable, a lot less work. It's a huge pain to have a feeding tube. Personally I'll do whatever I can to avoid a feeding tube, and drinking liquid calories provides basically the same effect if you actually do it. Use a straw if you don't want to taste it. \n\nAre you working with any professionals right now? If not, you might at least look for a dietician and a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. They will be able to refer you to higher levels of care if you want or need. You could also ask for a referral from your PCP, or see if there is an eating disorders clinic that you can access directly.", "topic": "fuckeatingdisorders", "post_id": "gwlat9", "comment_id": "fsvpdut"}, {"question": "[USA]My brother is missing. Could he have checked himself into a mental health facility that would hide him from law enforcement?", "description": "My brother has been missing for 2+ days.  He up and left his wife and 2 young children.  No one has seen or heard from him since.  He has gone completely off the grid: no cell, no plastic, no toll tag hits.  He does have a history of depression and a number of years ago some dis-associative spells.  His welbutrin was left at the house.\n\nWe are cooperating with local law enforcement and an NCIC/TCIC bolo is out for him and his vehicle.  We are out of options and searching for theories at this point.\n\nHe is not wanted or in criminal/civil trouble.  To our knowledge he was not at odds with anyone who would want to harm him.  Are there any facilities that would take him in and essentially hide him for a period of time?\n", "answer": "A hospital would admit him if he need inpatient treatment. Once admitted, they would not be able to give out any information about him unless he explicitly gives them permission, or if a court order is granted. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2cte1q", "comment_id": "cjivmbk"}, {"question": "Different views on alcohol - how to find a comprimise for me [F/21] and my bf [M/25]", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nI guess I just need an opinion that topic because it causes a lot of discussion between us right now and we're quite stuck atm.\n\nSome background: we're dating for a little over three years now and I would consider our relationship as healthy, honest and filled with trust. He never gave me any reason to be jealous, no weird exes, no secret text messages to other girls or other crazy stuff. \nHe moved about three hours away last fall to start college, while I'm still in our hometown. So we are long distance since then. We still get to see each other every weekend, every now and then every other weekend. We had to adjust a bit, but we worked through it. \n\nBut, to the problem. I have a very low alcohol tolerance and after some 'experimenting' with alcohol a few years ago (before we started dating, but I have to say that I never vomited, passed out or didn't remember what happend last night, so I guess that's still pretty moderate experimenting) I decided for myself that I basically don't need alcohol in my life. I drink a beer or two or a glass of champagne on special occasions, but that occurs maybe once a month. Overall, I'm more of an introvert, I usually don't go clubbing or partying. My friends are the same and my bf knows it. He fully supports my decision of not drinking much.\n\nI have to say that the alcohol problem became an issue since he moved away. He drinks more alcohol than me, but this has never been an issue before. His friends here are all more introverted, they usually meet and play video games together. I know most of them. Of course they would drink some alcohol when they met, but they never went crazy with it. His new friends in college seem to be a lot more open about the topic. I have met them only once, but I used that evening to get them to know a bit better (of course, you can guess wrong based on first impressions). They usually spent one or two evenings a week together as a group. Sometimes they go clubbing, sometimes they stay in and play board games together or they go to a bar. Alcohol is always involved, at that is the point where I'm worried and concerned. It's not just a beer, it's usually hard liquor. He assures me every time that he knows his limits and that he will stop, no matter how much the others drink. Yes, as far as I know (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't hide anything) he doesn't push past his limits.\nHe's home safe, he doesn't pass out, pukes etc. I know I should consider myself happy to have such a great bf. But I'm not comfortable with it. I'm not comfortable with not knowing how much the others drink, if they know there limits, if they would make sure that he's home safe and stuff like that. I'm sorry for my lack of expression, English isn't my native language.\nI don't know how much they pressure him to drink, because he never drank that regularly (or better to say he never went out that regularly and even if he went out some evenings alcohol wasn't even an issue)\n\nI'm sorry if anything isn't expressed clearly enough/spelling and grammar mistakes.\n\nI'm really looking forward to some other perspectives on that topic, how did you compromise? Am I overreacting? \n\nThank you!\n\n", "answer": "A drink is defined as 5oz/wine, 120z/beer, or 1.5oz liquor. Moderate drinking is defined as one drink/day for women, and two for men.  Alcoholism aside, relationships are about comfort levels.  Whether it's excessive golfing, knitting, gaming, or partying. You have to be comfortable..that's the bottom line. All of relationship life is about compromise and negotiation to find those sweet spots. You have a right to make an issue about ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672aox", "comment_id": "dgn39li"}, {"question": "Stomach discomfort after drinking alcohol?", "description": "Hey all, I'm female in her early 20s, around 100 lbs. This has been a question that's been on my mind for a while, and it's happening again right now so I thought it'd be a good time to ask. \n\nWhenever I drink, I'll start feeling some discomfort in my stomach. It feels a bit tight? I haven't been able to really measure the amount of alcohol that I have to ingest for this to start happening, but it doesn't take much. I've seen similar posts regarding this but they've all mentioned pain, so I thought I should emphasize that there's NO pain involved. It's just an all-around uncomfortable feeling that I can't really ignore. This started ~1 year ago, so it hasn't always been like this. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Does it feel like indigestion or heartburn, or different from that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5wsr", "comment_id": "dl2m3d5"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Every state has their own law regarding this.  Some are stricter than others.  \n\n\nIn my state, PA.  We only report incidents of child abuse if the child being abused is currently under 18.  The only other instance we'd report is if someone who is over 18 reports past sexual abuse and the perpetrator currently has access to children who may be in danger.  \n\n\nAnything else is confidential, however, this vastly differs from state to state.  I would ask your therapist to discuss the specifics of their duty to report and/or look up your state's mandated reporting laws (if in the USA, if elsewhere, look up your local laws).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "do1dc9", "comment_id": "f5m140t"}, {"question": "My boyfriend doesn't treat me right but I'm in love with him?", "description": "We've been together for about a year now. The beginning was picture perfect for me and I couldn't complain about a single thing. While dating him, a lot happened in his life that was stressful for him. I ended up figuring out he cheated on me. I had already gone to therapy, and talked to my therapist to help me. I decided I was ready to move on and felt like he was genuinely sorry for a one time mistake. His true colors started to show as time went on (even before the cheating). He became controlling, and if I wasn't responding he would blow up my phone a million times. With us, we had highs and lows. But the highs were amazing... I know we're deeply in love and I've never connected with someone like him. But I don't know why he does these things to me. He got kicked out of his house lately and is living with me. I was okay helping him but he stole money from me too and wouldn't even admit it was him until I had filed a police report. Everyone acts like it's easy to leave, but I'm so dedicated and thought he was my soulmate. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because everyone else is telling me to leave him.", "answer": "if you love someone who isn't treating you right than the word 'love' has lost its meaning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pq58g", "comment_id": "dcszz7s"}, {"question": "Brain Damage from Binge Drinking", "description": "Throughout my early 20's I would binge drink once a week (e.g  a Saturday night) and oftentimes this would result in a blackout. Since getting older this happens much less often, I don't drink as excessively on weekends, but still occurs about once every 6 weeks. I'm going to take a break from alcohol for awhile, just to get used to cutting back to further reduce these blackout episodes. But my concern is around any permanent brain damage. Do I need to be worried about permanently altering my brain chemistry or damaging the dendrites/neurons? I never understood this risk when I was younger and regret not taking this more seriously at that time.\n\nAny feedback is greatly appreciated! Losing sleep over here! (Google is a scary place)", "answer": "Blackouts are your body telling you that it's not coping with the toxic effects of alcohol. Once every 6 weeks is still worrying.\n\nHopefully you've not done major damage, but I won't lie to you - its likely that a few neurons are lost. I couldn't say for sure whether your life expectancy is significantly reduced, but it probably has. I wouldn't fret about it though, as it's in the past and there's nothing you can do about that.\n\nOn the other hand, you've now made some positive changes that mean that further damage is less likely to occur. All you can do now is to do all the common sense stuff like keeping physically healthy and keeping mentally active.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qqjyn", "comment_id": "dkzau5v"}, {"question": "any advice on online courses ?", "description": "it seems we can't escape the future. and while I had some success  with Lynda.com, I've been struggling other platforms like udacity , udemy and coursera .\n\ndo you have any tips on effectively finishing an online course? ", "answer": "I remember the struggle when I first did an online course...and here is what helped me.\n1. Make a calendar and write out all of the assignments in the appropriate due date. (Helped me see everything at a glance)\n2. Block out specific times each week when you plan to work on assignments. (do a little bit a time, not all at once so you can ask questions)\n3. Don't be afraid to ask for help early on!\n4. Do your best (It is better to turn SOMETHING in than nothing at all)  Something can get points\n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "627bd7", "comment_id": "dfkuw52"}, {"question": "I'm in a sticky situation and don't know what to do.", "description": "I met a guy recently, a guy who's everything I've been looking for personality wise wrapped up in a super amazing body mixed with a great taste in music and I am convinced we should be together. Only problem he is currently in a 3 year long relationship. I know I know I should just stop right there and give up but hear me out. We've hung out a handful of times now and the last time we got together it involved alcohol, me of course drinking more because I was nervous. At the end of the night through a series of questions I ended up telling him that I was really interested in him. And without any hesitation he said he felt the same and he thought that I was gorgeous. And then later in the car ride said he didnt do or say anything that he didn't mean. Ever since then I cant help but get him off my mind. His friends have said he is unhappy in his relationship but he seems to be happy with her still.\n\nMy question I guess is should I pursue him? He hasn't shown any indication that he is going to break up with her but he told me he liked me. I dont want to wait and then have him stay with her and me get screwed over but on the other hand I don't think I want to give him up. Any advice helps, even if you tell me I'm stupid. Thank you.  ", "answer": "But guys, where's she gonna find someone with great taste in music?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buois", "comment_id": "dhprvmp"}, {"question": "Me(21/m) agnostic with a very religious gf(21/f) seeks advice", "description": "We met each other in highschool. I liked her from the start but was too shy to make a move, so I waited until the last year of the highschool. I knew she was religious, but didn't know to what extent.\n\n\nThe start of our relationship was great, I was inexperienced as she was my first gf but it was a fun learning experience. We love each other a lot and are together for 2,5 years now, know each other for 7 years.  \n\nThe thing is, as we talk about our future together, we have very different views about it. She is Christian, and wants to live her life with a partner that shares her beliefs, she wants to attend church together every week and on Christian holidays, she wants to bring up her children in the Christian religion and share spiritual life together.  \n\nI on the other hand am agnostic, and don't see myself changing in this aspect, but I don't have a problem with religion. I am willing to compromise, but she thinks she won't be happy in such relationship.  \n\nI don't want to attend church on every occasion, but I am willing to go from time to time, e.g 2-3 times per month, so as to make her happy. Same with children, I don't have a problem with her bringing them up in religion, \nI see no harm in it, but don't want to actively participate in it.  \n\nThe problem is that I am madly in love with her, and can't imagine my life without her. I know that she also loves me very deeply, but it seems like her religion is more important.  \n\nI think we could be happy together, but I can't see her ideal future working for us two. Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice as to what I/we can do to make it work?  \n\nTL;DR: I am agnostic and madly in love with my religious gf, who wants to break up with me because of her view of ideal future that won't work for us.", "answer": "It can work. You have to simply respect the other's beliefs, and do your own thing in that regard. Now, if she NEEDS a partner to be religious together with her, then that's a different story and a deal-breaker.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o7qyb", "comment_id": "dkfbf97"}, {"question": "Spiro Withdrawal?", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI am currently out of Spiro (one week now) and cannot get to the doctor to refill my prescription for another two weeks.  I am considering going off of it as I am full paleo/alcohol free/etc. and am hoping my lifestyle will allow me to go off (only because I hate being teathered to daily pills). Does anyone have experience with withdrawal from Spiro? Claire ", "answer": "Oh god, my spiro withdrawal was awful even titrating off slowly. Gained 10 lbs of water weight and felt like my stomach had a layer of jello all around it. Took a month off to feel normal. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8l3rph", "comment_id": "dzdi10w"}, {"question": "Back pain making stomach hurt?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Ugh, I definitely get this sometimes! Using a heating pad on my back and/or stomach helps. Also this sometimes happens to me when I'm constipated! Deep breaths, remember it will pass!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "9gtun9", "comment_id": "e66xg8a"}, {"question": "How can someone explain to their significant other that their mental illnesses are the reason they can't show affection without it sounding like they're blaming their illness?", "description": "I have been with the same guy on and off for the last 11 years. I have schizophrenia along with other mental illnesses and it sometimes makes me horrible at showing how I feel. I love him more than anything, but he feels unloved. I want to tell him I think it's because I'm mentally exhausted and that I'm going through a horrible time right now, but I don't want him to think I'm using my illnesses as an excuse. I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me or give me special treatment because my brain doesn't function proper. At the same time I definitely don't want to lose the love of my life because I can't swallow what pride I have left.", "answer": "Tell him you're doing your best to be as expressive as possible. If he accepts your illness, he should accept everything that goes with it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67msjw", "comment_id": "dgrowce"}, {"question": "Buckle in, this is going to be a long one.", "description": "I (27f) don\u2019t know what to do for/ about my brother (24m)\n \nHe is severely depressed, I don\u2019t think he knows what being just \u201cok\u201d feels like. He has been this way since childhood. Our mom died and we had a monster of a step mom, both of which contributed to his low self worth and complete lack of motivation. \n \nI\u2019ve been called an enabler by my parents, neither of whom are very nurturing. My step mom is borderline mentally abusing and my dad is passive and brainwashed to agree with her so as to avoid blow ups. \n \nThrough the years I have done what I thought were helpful things, paying his phone bill, buying him clothes, hand holding during processes like paying taxes or getting his oil changed. Things he wouldn\u2019t always do on his own. \n \nAbout three months ago he left a good job for a shady under the table job, all for the sake of a few more dollars an hour.  No one was surprised when a month later the shady job ghosted him. Things like this are a pattern in his life. He does not think ahead and will leave a year round job for a seasonal job that pays a tiny bit more, with no plans for when that job ends. \n\nAs a result, he found himself displaced, losing his apartment when he couldn\u2019t pay rent. \n \nI wasn\u2019t going to let him be homeless. I let him move into my new apartment. He was supposed to be here two weeks, until he could get a job and move in with his friend. \n \nIt has been over a month, he drinks a 6 pack a night, using a gift card from Christmas (intended for gas) to pay for it and plays video games all day. His friend has flaked on him, I assume to avoid the situation I am in currently.\n \nI am a full time college student. Being able to pay rent and feed myself was stressful enough, without the added financial burden. I have told him how stressful paying for him has been and do think he feels bad. \n \nWhen it got well past the point of taking advantage, I decided to set some rules. I gave him two weeks to get a job or pack his things. I also laid out a plan for my expectations on at what point I expect him to start helping with rent. In the meantime he is doing all the dishes and walking my dog when I\u2019m gone. \n \nIn a typical move for him, he continued to be generally unmotivated.  Only  applying to only a handful of jobs online, waiting until two days before the deadline to job hunt outside the apartment. And, again, surprising no one, he got hired on the spot. He has always been just lucky enough to avoid most real life consequences.\n \nI believe that at a certain point you can no longer blame your behavior on the past; once you acknowledge the problem there is no excuse for not trying to better yourself. Which is why I struggle when it comes to my brother. I am torn between wanting to care for him and wanting him to better himself and be happy.\n\nThe ball is currently in my court since he is living with me for free until he squares his debts.\nI would like to enforce rules that deal with his underlying issues. I was contemplating a \u201cdry apartment\u201d rule and giving him a deadline to start seeing a therapist, something he has been open to in the past. The no alcohol rule is going to be tough, and he will be mad about it. I\u2019m not sure it can be all or nothing. \n \nI am not sure what a reasonable level of rules would be, and I know I can\u2019t make empty threats about him moving out.\n \nI don\u2019t know what to do or how to help him. All feedback is welcome.\n \nTldr: I\u2019m potentially enabling my brother who is living with me for free. While he did get a job two days ago, I would like to enforce rules that address his underling issues of depression and potential alcoholism.", "answer": "No matter what you decide to do, the most important thing is that you are firm with your boundaries and consistent.  Don't give him deadlines or consequences for breaking house rules and then not follow up with them or continuously extend deadlines.\n\n\nI really like the idea of having it be a dry house.  I'd also suggest something like no using your internet/wifi, etc. for video games unless he is contributing towards rent/bills.  \n\nHe's not going to be happy with any of this and will likely try to make you feel bad or look like the bad guy.  \n\nSomething important for good parents dealing with adult children living in their homes and siblings in situations like yours is this.  You love them.  You don't want them to be homeless.  You want to provide a safe place for them.  That doesn't mean that you have to provide a comfortable place for them.  In fact, the more comfortable a place you make it or allow them to have equal power without equal responsibility (ie. Having a say in house rules, what they can/can't do, etc. while not paying half the rent/bills) the less likely they'll ever be to act responsibly and independently.  \n\n\nThe idea is to make it so uncomfortable through not allowing them to do the things they want to do that they decide it would be better off to work hard and be responsible in order to pay for their freedom to do what they want in their own place.  \n\nIe. If I had a child who had graduated high school and was still living with me, I'd have them paying money for rent (which I'd probably secretly keep aside for them to create an emergency fund for down the line), helping out with chores, while STILL following all of my house rules and not giving them the full freedom of adulthood.  \n\nIt likely wouldn't be long before they did what they needed to do to get their own place.  Once they did that, I'd make sure I gave them plenty of praise and even reward them for taking the initiative with housewarming gifts and whatever else would help make them feel proud of moving out on their own.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ezwfej", "comment_id": "fgq0157"}, {"question": "Question about auditory hallucinations?", "description": "I was hoping you could help me try to get a grasp on some potential causes for auditory hallucinations?\nA friend came to me yesterday a little bit shaken by an experience he had the night before. According to him, he woke up in the middle of the night hearing a voice in his room. The voice came from his closet and simply said \"let me out, let me out\" repeatedly - but not in an urgent tone. My friend, freaked out and confused, grabbed his phone and flashed the light on the closet. He then walked over to the closet and opened it, finding nothing. He said that he then went to the bathroom and felt very dizzy, and just very ill in general. Eventually he went back to bed.\nThis is the first time he says he's experienced anything like this. 22 years old, in otherwise good health - no new habits or anything that stood out as potentially triggering the experience. Perhaps school stress?\nI have no idea what to make of it; I didn't bring the possibility of dormant mental illness surfacing with him obviously because A.) not a medical professional by any stretch, and have no experience with psychology or psychiatry and B.) I think it's probably best if he tries not to stress out about it and raising the possibility of psychiatric illness would not necessarily help.\nBut if it continues, I'll of course recommend professional help. \n\nAnyways, does anybody have any possible insight into what occurred and why?\n\nAge 22\nSex M\nHeight 5'11\nWeight 140\nRace Caucasian\nDuration of complaint One night\nLocation Mind\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) None\nCurrent medications (if any) None\n \n", "answer": "If its a one-off thing and theres no other mental health symptoms, then its nothing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5zoc5x", "comment_id": "dezrkvo"}, {"question": "Help me understand my procrastination", "description": "I am taking procrastination to extremes, and I just don't understand myself.\n\nOne of the most puzzling examples is when I decide to take a shower before starting my evening gaming session, because I hate interrupting it midway through, and I don't enjoy it as much if I have a nagging \"gotta shower\" in the back of my mind.\n\nBut then my brain tells me showering is lots of work, even if it's a 15 minute process all in all. \"I just need to gather my strength to do it, I'll just reddit for a few minutes\". \n\nHours pass, I still haven't showered, and I only have a couple of hours left to play before I have to go to bed.\n\nWhy do I waste so much time doing stuff I don't really want to do, procrastinating on a 15 minute task, after which I get to do what I actually want to do?", "answer": "Google the term [Paralysis of Will](https://www.smartlivingnetwork.com/add-adhd/b/adhd-and-paralysis-of-will/)...procrastination in ADHD is more about sensory overload than laziness.  Like when thinking of showering or another boring task, it feels daunting just to get started. After understanding the overload part, i know just say I have to turn the shower on....then worry about step 2 when I get their.  Hope this helps! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7yuq45", "comment_id": "dukn8tt"}, {"question": "Grandmother stuck in the COVID isolation ICU despite negative COVID, need to move her to regular ICU, but hospital won\u2019t listen to us", "description": "I don\u2019t know what else to do. My grandmother, 82 yo Female (5\u20196\u201d, average weight, Caucasian), has been in the hospital for the past 4 days.  - in the ICU isolation unit despite testing negative for COVID \n\nShe was admitted after she started having conversations with people who weren\u2019t there- and then passed out. She has had very low sodium and chronic diarrhea for months now- doctors have done numerous tests but don\u2019t know why her sodium is so low. We don\u2019t know what medications the hospital has her on because they won\u2019t let us in there now.\n\n**What I need help/advice on:**\nShe was admitted and because she is old they put her in the COVID isolation unit in the ICU. She tested negative to the in hospital COVID test, she has no fever. She is on a vent, and both times they have tried to remove it she has become very agitated and becomes apneic, so the doctor puts her back on the vent (even though we told nurses she has sleep apnea). \n\nShe has to stay in isolation until the doctor gets a secondary COVID test they send out which will take 4 more days. That means she will be on the vent that much longer. She needs my mom (preciously and ICU nurse) to be with her so she can help her through this, but because she is in COVID isolation they won\u2019t let anyone see her- even though she doesn\u2019t have COVID.\n\nPlease help. How do we pressure the hospital into moving her out of isolation? We\u2019ve called the charge nurses, but they say they have to just ask the doctors. We need to be with her. Thank you in advance.\n\nUPDATE:\n\nShe was successfully extubated. She is awake, but still stuck in isolation.", "answer": "Two negative tests is a fairly common policy in many hospitals, as we don\u2019t have the best data on how accurate the tests are. Best to wait, even though the situation is understandably stress inducing. Best of luck to your family.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hc3qq4", "comment_id": "fvd2e65"}, {"question": "What can I do for you as my hotel guest?", "description": "Dear future guest! I work at a small hotel as a reception manager, and have other responsibilities as well. I really want to make our guests feel welcome and well cared for at our place. I really love my job and I honestly LOVE our guests! Of course I have had a lot of classes on customer service, and I think that me and my co-workers are good at the normal polite \"welcome\", \"thank you\"  type of customer service. But I want advice on how to \nexceed your expectations, on how give you give you a WOW experience, or how to give you warm and fuzzy feelings about a building! For example: What can I do with your hotel room prior to check in? What would you like to hear when you check in? What can I do for you at breakfast? I really just want to make you happy! Any advice?", "answer": "Maybe random, but if it's late, say after 10 or 11 pm and you're checking me in, please be friendly but *fast*. I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I just want to crash. \n\nThe only memorably \"bad\" experiences I've had at hotel reception (minus one place that said they were pet-friendly online but then magically were not and were assholes about it*) were when I was trying to check in later at night and the whole process seemed to take forever. I had to wait at the counter for awhile, then figuring out who I was and my reservation took forever, and then getting the key was somehow tough ... when you're tired its the worst 1st-world struggle.\n\n*On that note, keep your damn website updated.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4205vf", "comment_id": "cz6lmuk"}, {"question": "Insulin resistant pcos help", "description": "I am need of some advice. I was diagnosed with insulin resistance pcos and endometriosis and was put on metformin to help make my insulin levels normal. I would really love to lose weight, not have horribly oily skin, and stop losing my hair. My question is what is the best diet and exercise for this? Will my hair stop falling out with proper diet? ", "answer": "I\u2019ve done better on moderate low carb, high fiber, tons of veggies, than I ever did on keto/VLC diets. IF always seems like a terrible idea to me, given how adrenally sensitive so many PCOSers can be. \n\nMy point is that you may need to experiment a bit. I have pretty classic PCOS symptoms but my weight never budged/only increased/was so hard to even maintain on paleo, keto, Atkins etc. My experience with PCOS weight loss has been slow. But slow as it\u2019s been the last three years, it\u2019s the only success I\u2019ve seen. And I\u2019ve fucking tried it all.\n\nI follow the FLO Living protocol, which has helped undo the years of bad dieting mindset and helped me focus on supporting my body with the nutrients and types of activity it needs in each phase of my menstrual cycle. I\u2019m also on 1500 of Metformin ER.  ER generally has fewer stomach issues. Adjusting my dose slowly and only taking the Metformin in the middle of my meals has eliminated my GI side effects. \n\n", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7w1j5b", "comment_id": "dtz2y0l"}, {"question": "92 days today but I feel like I got called out at a meeting today...", "description": "I went to my 7am meeting this morning to grab my 90 day coin because my sponsor was going to be there and I was hoping to talk to her after the meeting to tell her that I want to find a new sponsor. She\u2019s been extremely hard to see in person (I\u2019ve tried twice in the last two weeks) and I know we both regularly attend the Thursday morning speaker meeting. I\u2019m tired of holding onto this information now that I know what I want to do and I just wanted to tell her in person versus over the phone. \n\nI got there 25 minutes early but she came dashing in at 3 minutes of.  Oh well.  Then she whispered to me that she had to leave at 7:30. Ughhhh. Okay. Whatever. So it came time to the coins, and I was the only one to get one. Yay me!! However, as luck would have it, our speaker was a no-show and the chairperson said \u201cLucky you! You will be our speaker today!\u201d And he then moved on to the other portions of the meetings after the coin portion. My sponsor then whispered to me quite forcefully across another person sitting between us \u201cYou will pass\u201d \u201cYou will pass. You are not ready. Pass.\u201d  I didn\u2019t think much but all I remember hearing in the rooms was you never turn down an AA opportunity when asked. And then I was annoyed because, if any of you remember my sponsor, this is the one who won\u2019t let me do my steps, who took 3 years to do her own steps, and is just very full of telling me what she wants my program to be and not what I need it to be and how sick I feel. (See my previous post under my profile if interested) So then when the guy asked me to speak, I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m not ready yet, so I\u2019m going to pass today.\u201d \n\nHe kind of hesitated and almost sighed. He then asked for someone else to share. And after about 30 seconds someone else volunteered. But at the end of the meeting that chairperson came up to me and told me \u2018You should call your sponsor bc no one turns down an AA opportunity when asked\u201d and walked away before I could say anything in response. I\u2019ve been feeling upset and resentful all day. My sponsor can\u2019t answer my calls because she\u2019s at a conference. Not that I want to really talk to her anyway. I went to another meeting and shared there but it didn\u2019t really help. And I just feel like the stupid new kid. And I just want to drink. I know it\u2019s dumb. But I just feel like I don\u2019t fit in with the club. Like I did the wrong thing. And it was my sponsor who told me not to. Ugh. I just feel stupid. Thanks for listening. I will not drink but it\u2019s just all these awful feelings.", "answer": "Your sobriety comes first. If I were in that situation, the advice I know people in the program would tell me is to just get a new sponsor immediately if I felt that way. One that has worked the steps and understands that the steps ARE the program. I have been told \u201cI needed to do the steps to get better, not get better before doing the steps.\u201d Worrying about someone else\u2019s (sponsors) feelings is secondary at this point. Especially given the fact that you feel like drinking. This is your life. Find another sponsor and send your old one a text that you are moving on if thats the only way you can get in touch with her. Your life is too important. Wishing you the best!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bs9k9k", "comment_id": "eompcm9"}, {"question": "Question about erp", "description": "Would doing my compulsions outside of erp hours damage my erp or would it be best to still do my compulsions outside of erp to keep myself calm?", "answer": "If you can\u2019t stop them completely delay them as much as possible. Be gentle with yourself. I see you using words like failed. Every effort you make is a step in the right direction. If it were so easy you could give it up in a day, no one would need support for OCD. take pride in what you have accomplished, learn from your mistakes and remember that ERP is done gradually for a reason.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "hkb2te", "comment_id": "fwrr5sf"}, {"question": "How often can i take xanax without getting addicted?", "description": "I have very bad generalized anxiety~ and most days I try to tough it out and handle it by mediating and other techniques I have learned in therapy.\nWhen I want to do things like go shopping or stuff that is \"out of routine\" or whatever I want to be able to take at least .25 mg. My question is how often a week can I do this without becoming physically addicted?\nAge: 20 Height: 5'7 Weight: 140 g: female Medications: trazadone, xanax", "answer": "Basically it seems that if anyone takes over 30mg of diazepam a day, they are significantly at risk of dependency. So for alprazolam that would be 1.5mg a day.\n\nStill, its all about using it when needed only, and recognising that benzodiazepines are a plaster rather than a cure. If you need something longer term, then antidepressants and talking therapies are much more appropriate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6syfu0", "comment_id": "dlhb2bt"}, {"question": "How can I tell this girl I want to go out with her?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You have a pretty ideal situation with a built-in excuse.  You used to see each other a lot, now you don't.  Next time you run into her, strike up a conversation and ask how things are going with what she's doing since you haven't seen each other.  Ask her if she wants to get a drink after work or give her your number and tell her to call/text if she ever wants to grab a drink or lunch or whatever you feel comfortable with for a date/hang out.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8sogeo", "comment_id": "e11pb5a"}, {"question": "My mom is bipolar and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I really don't know if this is the correct subreddit to post in, but I'm at a loss. Also I'm using a throwaway because I don't want my redditor friends to know this personal information.\n\nIf it matters, I'm a 16 year old female and my mother is 48 and divorced.\n\nAbout seven years my mom and dad separated. She was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression. My parents were off an d on for about four years and then they finally called it quits. I don't remember much from that time, but I do remember her not going to work and sleeping all the time. During this time my grandmother (her mom) raised my brother and me. My mom, brother, and I all lived with my grandma up until 2011. My dad was almost completely out of my life.\n\nShe has been admitted to a mental health facility/hospital at least two times and has taken many different medications and has gone to many different psychiatrists. She says none of them help her and they over medicate her.\n\nIf this matters, my dad recently told me that when I was about 11 she had a drug problem and was raped. I can't say that this is reliable information or that I believe it. It does seem to make sense though. Her three older siblings tormented her as a child.\n\nAbout 1 year ago, my grandma kicked my mom out of her house for financial issues they had. My mom was left with absolutely nothing. She had a medical leave of absence from work, no car, no money, and no home. Luckily my dad (her ex husband) saved the day and took both of us in. Within two weeks he kicked her out for her behavior and lived from home to home. Ever since then she has many financial and mental issues.\n\nAbout 4 months ago, my grandma and my mom made amends.\n\nHer mental state affects me a lot. I am the one who takes care of her 24/7 and I feel like I'm never going to have a life of my own because she depends on me so much. In the last 6 months, she has had her re-possessed and we have come close to being evicted twice.\n\nMy mom and I just got into a huge fight. I feel like I make her miserable and worse. I feel like I am her trigger. I told her this and she said \"Well if I don't have you, I might as well kill myself.\" She has said things like this before, but she seems completely serious. About fifteen minutes ago she apologized and cried that she didn't want to be alone.\n\nShe is currently not taking any medications nor is she seeing a mental health professional. She has money problems and absolutely no one to help her.\n\nI'm at a complete loss. I have no idea what I should do. I have no one else I can ask for help. I love my mom so much and would do anything to help her.\n\nSo what do you guys think I should do? How can I help my mom? What have you guys done in a situation similar to mine?", "answer": "Look into your state's mental health department/ see if there is a local community mental health center. They provide therapy/psychiatry at low/no cost for people who cant pay.\n\nAlso- if she is actively manic or suicidal- take her to a hospital. Do NOT risk it. Regardless of money they can not turn her away. Personally, I work as a therapist at an inpatient hospital and we see lots of people who have no money or insurance. We get them stable, and get them prescriptions before they are discharged. So consider that an option.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "xdmw5", "comment_id": "c5nc6tx"}, {"question": "Female 22, married.", "description": "I don't have a sex drive. Growing up, sex wasn't ever appealing to me, but I thought I was just a normal kid. I've had a few serious relationships before my marriage, going on 2 years, but nothing big. When my SO at the moment asked for sex or tried to spark a moment, I'd avoid it or force myself to give in. \nMy husband has a healthy drive and a great deal of patience. He puts up with my lacking urge wonderfully, yet we both know it's affecting our relationship. I am his first everything: girlfriend, love, kiss, and all. I'm worried that he'll grow curious for what's out there, what he's missing. \n\nAre there any ways to increase sex drive? Should I allow him to have an open relationship? I don't want us to suffer because I can't put out...", "answer": "Talk to your gyn. Make sure it isn't medical. Some women are prescribed tiny amounts of testosterone to boost libido. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rvt0x", "comment_id": "dl84dce"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "e27bg1g"}, {"question": "Is there any way to deal with severe mental health issues without going to a professional?", "description": "A few years ago, I voluntarily checked myself into the local psych ward because I had severe depression and was starting to get pretty suicidal. This was a bad decision - the experience was bad enough that since then, I've fit most of the criteria for PTSD.\n\nSo obviously my mental health has only gotten worse since then, but I'd be at best extremely anxious about seeking professional help for it. Am I just screwed altogether, or are there other paths that I can take?\n\nThanks", "answer": "Severe depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation is likely too much to attempt to handle solely on your own or with self-help materials. It would be highly advisable to get a mental health professional involved. \n\nSince you have had a bad experience in the past, it might be helpful to seek it out in a different location/area and to possibly use connections with medical professionals you do have a good relationship with, like a family doctor for example. They can help you ease into it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ecvv1o", "comment_id": "fbej61a"}, {"question": "11 months and some thoughts. I'm just sharing as I hope my story helps people get through a tough night like some other stories on here have helped me.", "description": "Last week my work team held an afterwork get together at a local bar to celebrate meeting a goal and it honestly reaffirmed my decision not to drink.   Here are the reasons\n\nI arrived with everyone just about the same time.  I order an Arnold Palmer thinking that I didn't want a normal soda water that I normally get.  I start talking to one co worker and I am having a great time.  However, I start to notice somethings.   Everyone around me is on their 2nd to 3rd drink within a 30 minutes of arriving and I'm just finishing my first Arnold Palmer.   The person I am talking with has already had 3 vodka sodas..   Then it basically turns into a shit show of people letting lose talking bad about other coworkers, flirting with me(I'm married) and just general nonsense.  I just realized that before I stopped drinking these were the people that I used to drink heavily with when I was drinking and I can only imagine the things I've said and done that were similar.  I left there happy/proud that I wasn't drinking and on a better path now.   Fast forward to the next morning and people roll into work looking like death and Im feeling amazing.   This all led to me to reaffirm my commitment to myself to not drink.   I was really thinking about celebrating my one year sober by having a drink!  Now I know I'll celebrate it by not having a drink!\n\nTLDR: Went to a work party, everyone got smashed but me and they talked crap about each other.  I reaffirmed my goal to not drink on my upcoming 1 year anniversary of sobriety. ", "answer": "After my one year it became even more empowering to go through experiences like that. I will not drink with you today ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "69ko05", "comment_id": "dh7er6w"}, {"question": "Current SO has a problem ex! ADVICE PLEASE!!", "description": "I have really fallen for my SO over the past few months, but her ex is being a constant pain in the ass. We have done everything we could to cut him out of the picture but he always finds a way to contact and push buttons. I tell my SO that it doesn't bother me because at first it didn't but now it really is and I don't know what to do? HELP!! Should I distance myself from her until it blows over? Speaking to her about it is pointless because we have tried everything to make it stop!!!", "answer": "if he's stalking call the police", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66cvne", "comment_id": "dghgngb"}, {"question": "In/after a hobby/activity, is it weird to ask people how they are and find out what's going on in their lives?", "description": "I want to get to know people.\n\nI have hobbies, but I tend to only talk about the hobby.\n\nIs it strange if I ask people what's going on in their lives?\n\nWhat are their dreams, ambitions, wishes. What made them happy. What made them think...\n\nI just don't want to touch on any sensitive spots. I know I have a few events lately that hurt me a lot that I don't want to think about right now.", "answer": "Nope.  Not at all.  That's how you turn acquaintances into friends.  Just try not to go too fast all at once or they'll feel like they're being interrogated.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97910m", "comment_id": "e46jps4"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "f35xwqf"}, {"question": "I got poisoned! HELP! 22[M]", "description": " someone broke into my house and poisoned me, I know I have something under my skin because the person that did it told me so. What do I do to get it out of my system? Where do I go and what do I say? I know for sure I have something in me that keeps ruining my body but have no idea how to get it out. They said that I have tattoos under my skin that keep aging me also that drinking water is bad for me. I can feel my organs under stress and I'm also restless all the time, I can feel something like a heartburn sometimes, and I used to vomit in the morning occasionally but now I don't. I got poisoned twice, one time around a half a year ago and a second time around three weeks ago.\n\nI am 22 years old male 180 cm in height I have schizophrenia currently taking 15 mg olanzapine and have no other medical problems", "answer": "I think helpful advice has been given and this is turning into an argument instead. Closing the discussion.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ealjks", "comment_id": "favu82b"}, {"question": "I just started a paper that is due in less than 5 hours.", "description": "TL;DR: got distracted looking through Pinterest at Miraculous fanart, now it's 4:30 and I probably won't go to bed. Yay, me.\n\nSo, yeah, I have known about this paper since Wednesday, but I got busy doing other things (mainly internet and netflix related). Now, it's 4:30 am the day it is due, and I have been on the internet since 11:00. I have to wake up at 7:00 am. I'm probably going to end up watching netflix once I'm done with my paper, because otherwise, I'm not going to get up in time for class.\n\n*sigh* just a rant. Carry on with your day (or night, I guess). Start your homework, if you haven't already. Go to bed. Do something more productive than Reddit.\n\nGoodbye for now, everyone!", "answer": "Since it is now over 5 hours ago since you posted I hope you were able to finish it okay!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "635b91", "comment_id": "dfsawm9"}, {"question": "Acceptance was the answer", "description": "When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.\n\nAnd acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation\u2014some fact of my life \u2014unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God\u2019s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life\u2019s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.\n\nShakespeare said, \u201cAll the world\u2019s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.\u201d He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God\u2019s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.\n\n-Alcoholics Anonymous, page 417", "answer": "I love that story, so many great passages in it. \"Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations\"", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "keankw", "comment_id": "gg3xt7y"}, {"question": "I'm a college student and I think I may have a sever anxiety and/or depression issues. How do I get help? I don't know what to do.", "description": "My university's health services are notoriously bad and I'll have to wait months to see someone. I'm in the US btw. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they don't believe in mental health issues, they think I just have a discipline problem. I'm 20 years old.\n\nFor context, I worked hard in high school and got into a very good college, but am now essentially unable to do anything. I constantly feel anxiety in my stomach and have a hard time even checking my email, and I can't even muster the motivation to get up in the morning. It may just be me being a lazy POS, but I feel like I should talk to someone.\n\nPlease lmk if I should post this elsewhere.", "answer": "You could also ask in r/AskPsychiatry.\n\nYou don't really have a specific question here. If you have insurance, even through your parents, there should be a number on the card that you can call for mental health services. The networks they have can be frustrating to access and getting to see someone can take months regardless. University health services might at least be a start for you, and they might be able to make a referral.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hbn2op", "comment_id": "fvco07f"}, {"question": "Day three, this is hard.", "description": "Day three ya'll. This is really fucking hard. I went to a day meeting, and then a night time young persons' meeting. During the entire young persons' meeting, and after the night meeting where we all went to a diner afterwords, unless someone was talking to me I was in a bad mood. The thought of a cold beer was (and right now currently still is) sounding like an amazing idea. The taste, the feeling, everything about it.\n\nI've also told myself to stop smoking while I'm doing this, since I've pretty much only every smoked while drunk, but today a fellow AA member let me have a cigarette. It didn't really help all that much.\n\nI've got the shakes, everything is pissing me off. I went for a straw and only picked up an empty straw wrapper for my root beer and wanted to hit something. Everything is irritating.\n\nI feel tired, but don't think I am going to be able to sleep. One lady told me yesterday to simply think, \"Today I didn't drink, and that's a good thing.\" I know it's good, but goddamn I want to drink right now.\n\nWhen a fellow AA member gave me their number today, my hands shook bad, and it was hard to type their info into my phone.\n\nI'm doing good, but fuck is it ever so fucking hard.\n\nThanks for reading. Sorry for the rant. Please someone tell me that everything is going to be okay.\n\n\n\nEDIT: I really feel like these are the moments where I should call someone, but I feel like I would be bugging them. Is this wrong?\n", "answer": "Congratulations and hang in there.  Day 3 was the worst for me by a mile.\n\nDefinitely call people; they give you their numbers for a reason, and odds are you'll be helping them (without realizing it) as much as you're helping yourself by reaching out.  As they say, numbers only work if you use 'em.\n\nAnother tip that helped me is to eat brown rice.  Something about the sugars in brown rice is the same or similar to the sugars in alcohol, which is one of the things your body is craving so severely.  It was explained to me early on but I forget the exact reason (sorry 'bout that).\n\nIn any case, hang in there.  You're doing great so far.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "udhs2", "comment_id": "c4uow4f"}, {"question": "Does anyone know an appropriate way to let my neighbors know their dog barking is upsetting me? ", "description": "A month or so back new neighbors moved in next door. The house is not far away from mine. They have been leaving their two german shepards outside tied on to a dog house in a small yard. Their yard is maybe a meter away from my bathroom and the rest of my house. \n\nI have problems with sensory integration, so loud unexpected noises bother me. Meltdowns, becoming voilent (towards stuff not people) and hurting myself ine xtreme cases. I use sensory integration therapy and weighted blankets and loud music to cope.\n\nBut this is crazy. I almost had a melt down because I had to take a shit but the dog was barking. It's so close to my bathroom it sounds like it's literally outside the wall barking at me.\n\nI CAN\"T GO OUTSIDE WHEN THE DOG IS OUTSIDE OR IT WIL BARK AT ME! I'm trying to overcome severe anxiety, maybe even post traumatic stress disorder. I'm inside all the time anyways. I tried to go outside just to put garbage in my shed, for the first time in months and my neighbor's dog started barking at me and I had a meltdown because I was outside 20 seconds. I'm a shut in and I don't want to be...usually it was just due to other anxieties not actual reasons.\n\nDoes anyone know what the appropriate way to deal with this situation is? I'm already coping with it by getting extra deep pressure input and music, and my Dad is going to phone animal control tomorrow. (I don't live with my parents though, I just don't want to deal with phoning them.)\n\nI also wrote this to vent a little bit. I haven't talked to my neighbor's at all since they moved in, or any of my neighbor's actually. (Maybe I would if I could go outside with their dog not barking at me!) So I just don't know how to talk to people in general...I really need to let them knwo though maybe. Animal control is closed on the weekends. ><", "answer": "I would bark whenever the dog barks... but I am fuckin' weird...", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "v6y08", "comment_id": "c51xdyy"}, {"question": "Questions about kidney health", "description": "Age: 30    Weight: 120    Sex: Male   Race: White   Location: Kidneys    Length of Time: 3 years    Past Medical History: Healthy     Medications - Pentoxifylline\n\nI started noticing dull pain sensation in left kidney every time after drinking alcohol starting 3 years ago. It was directly correlated to drinking alcohol as the symptoms were not present otherwise. Drinking has in my opinion been done in moderation however for the past 2-3 years I have stopped drinking altogether. There were however maybe 2 or 3 occasions when I was younger in which I drank to the point where I may have done some long term damage. Recently, slight twinges and pain sensations in both kidneys have come about recently even after not drinking alcohol. Questions are below:\n\n1. I was not aware of kidney pain being related to alcohol, is this common?\n2. Is it possible for 2 or 3 heavy drinking events to cause long term damage to kidneys or would it have to be an accumulation of heavy drinking over time?\n3. What are the gold standard tests/exams to check for kidney function?\n4. How are kidney donors tested to confirm they have healthy kidneys for transplants?\n5. What are some tips to promote healthy kidney function?", "answer": "1. No, it's not common.\n2. Nothing is impossible, but it would be extremely unlikely for even a couple of extreme benders to cause any lasting damage to your kidneys or liver.\n3. You'd want a nephrologist for this, which I'm not. The gold standard tests are things like inulin clearance for glomerular filtration rate. In practice it's almost never used, and the simpler measurements of serum electrolytes and creatinine and urinalysis are used to evaluate kidney function.\n4. As above, potential donors' kidneys are evaluate most often by simple bloodwork; the overall evaluation of the donors is more thorough, but includes things like projecting long\\-term risk and assessment of reasons for donation.\n5. If you have healthy kidneys there's no much you need to do. Don't become dehydrated, keep your blood pressure under control, avoid developing diabetes or keep your blood sugar under control if you do.\n\nI'm left wondering whether this is kidney pain at all, and if it is whether it's due to, say, kidney stones. Possibly you had kidney stones before that were small and hurt only while drinking, and now they're more significant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8eysv3", "comment_id": "dxza2uw"}, {"question": "Help with Avoiding Someone", "description": "Hello, everyone. Forgive me, posting to Reddit isn't something I do too often, so this might not be too high quality or the right length.\n\nI spent a while getting really close with a girl to try and get with her. While we ending up becoming really good friends, it never went past that, and I honestly reacted in a really poor way. I'm 19 and have never really had a real crush/attraction to someone before her, which was only conflated by depression and loneliness I've had for a while. She's been the only thing on my mind for almost half a year now, and I honestly believe I'm in love with her. I tried to just be friends with her, but I've decided I can't fall in love with someone else if she's in my life. She doesn't understand this, and thinks we should just be friends. \n\nI've cut off communications with her for two months now, and I don't plan on ever reestablishing contact. This would be the end of the story, but we're both moving to the same college campus next year. I'm excited to move out of my house and start a new life, but something that's causing me large amounts of anxiety is the fear that I'm going to meet her somewhere or see her. The advice I've been getting a lot is to join clubs or go out, but we share a lot of the same interests, and I'm worried that I can't do any of the activities I want without her being around. Something that further complicates matters is that my roommate is one of my best friends, but he's also best friends with her, and is trying to get me to just be friends with her (which is something that I don't think I can do with the way I feel about her). We're getting a small room, and I can't help but worry my friend will invite her over to try and get us together. I don't have any hard feelings towards her, but I'd just like to be left alone.\n\nSo, my question would either be:\n\n\"How do I avoid this person while doing the things I like to do?\" or \"How do I handle it if we accidentally meet somewhere?\" Thanks.", "answer": "Learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck. \n\nIn short: step 1; decide what not to give a fuck about, step 2; do NOT give a fuck about it. \n\nElse: identify the toxic things and people in your life that keep pulling you down; keeping you stagnant and have no significant addition to your life and simply cut them off. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8yhjv1", "comment_id": "e2ayq32"}, {"question": "Friend in her 30's has started stealing...why?", "description": "My oldest friend and i had a few drinks last night and she told me that she started stealing from department stores about 3 months ago. She doesnt need what she steals she does it because she can. She said its not even exciting. I was shocked, she has a good job and alot going for her. Can any therapist shed some light on why she has started doing this? Shes in her 30's! \n\nThanks", "answer": "Without a comprehensive diagnostic assessment, it is impossible to say what is motivating this behavior. There are so many unknown factors, from potential recent stressors to potential childhood trauma and everything in between, that would all need to be examined. However, I would encourage your friend to meet with a therapist. While we don\u2019t know why, she is definitely engaging in risky behavior that could have an enormously negative impact on her life. I would express your concern and offer to help her find a local therapist. If other friends or family are also aware of her behavior, you could enlist their help/suggest that they have a similar conversation with her about their concerns and encourage therapy. \n\nGood luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4wf5c", "comment_id": "es707rd"}, {"question": "27f, MyChart-like system says that my value for \"Hep A Total Ab\" is positive. WTH is going on?", "description": "27 year old female. 5'6, 160 lbs. In the midst of getting a possible celiac disease diagnosis. Meds: Concerta 27mg, Rexulti .5mg, Zoloft 100mg, Vistaril (as needed).\n\nI'm freaking out a little because in looking at some blood work results on a MyChart-like system, it says this:\n\n\nComponent - Hep A Total Ab\n\nYour Value - Positive\t      \n\nStandard Range - Negative\n\n\n\n\nThe nurse practitioner I spoke with over the phone said NOTHING about this? Can anyone give me some insight? My doc isn't answering the phone.", "answer": "You've probably been immunized. If not, you've gotten hep A in the past and are now immune the hard way.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9d6qnn", "comment_id": "e5foqq5"}, {"question": "Trigger Warning: I started writing my own suicide note today", "description": "I know it's stupid and I'm not looking for pity or compliments. I just want to get this off my chest. \n\nI've been here before and I've gotten myself out of dark places before. But I'm just tired. You work so hard to get yourself into a good, healthy, self-love place and it all just crumbles so damn quickly. And i'm just too tired to do it all again. \n\nAt the end of the day, i know I won't do it because if i was, i wouldn't be here writing this. I know that life has so much for me and i know that when wake up tomorrow i have so many opportunities to make my life better. I also know i don't deserve it. I've fooled everyone into thinking, from my friends and family to my therapist that I'm a good person, but it's bullshit. \n\nI guess there was no real point to this post. If you've read this far then I'm sorry for wasting your time, but if you can relate then take solace in knowing you aren't alone in your feelings. If you can't relate, be grateful x", "answer": "Depression is a very good liar, don\u2019t believe what it tells you about your worth. Don\u2019t believe what it tells you when it says you are a bad person. \n\nI\u2019m glad that you chose to give yourself another chance. You should call your therapist or somebody who can help keep you safe if you need to \u2764\ufe0f", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bur7px", "comment_id": "ephltcm"}, {"question": "Is it bad when if I have to initiate everything?", "description": "Long story short I've been talking for this girl for a few days and we've had some good long conversations. However I don't feel like she ever initiates anything. Is that a bad sign or is that how girls are all the time? Do I always have to make the move to try to make any advances with her?", "answer": "That's very common, especially among women/girls. For whatever reason there's a lot of societal pressure for girls to be more passive in relationships, let the guy take charge, go along with what he says, etc etc. From personal experience it's hard to shake that habit even when you realize it causes problems, lol.\n\nUp to you if it bothers you too much or not. If you end up in a longer-term relationship with her, it may be worth asking her about (respectfully!). Or, you could even say now that you'd love for her to initiate sometime if she feels comfortable with it. Or you could wait and she might warm up to the idea later. For now, I wouldn't be TOO worried.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e5p3jt", "comment_id": "f9l5jgu"}, {"question": "Wife(34) is becoming/has become asexual?", "description": "Last week, my wife of almost 12 years told me that she hasn't found another person sexually attractive in a purely physical sense for about 10 years. She also said that she never physically desires sex until after we've already started having sex. She says that it feels good once we start and that she enjoys it, but all that I can hear is that she isn't EVER interested beforehand and that it's uncomfortable to her to get going. \n\n​\n\nI am concerned for her sexual health and identity and want to do whatever I can to help her. I am horrified at the idea that she hasn't been physically attracted to anyone, INCLUDING ME, for the past 10 years. I'm embarrassed both that she hasn't been attracted to me and upset with myself for not learning of this issue sooner. We are seeking a local marriage counselor, but I wanted to post here as well, mainly for the cathartic ability to speak selfishly while still seeking potentially helpful advice. I have been processing her comment since last Tuesday and I think I'm ready to get some feedback. Trying to decide how much detail to give is difficult, here's my best effort. \n\n​\n\nLately, my wife and I have been struggling to get along as easily as we used to. We started dating when we were 18 years old, got married at 22, and had our first child at 25(her)/26(me). Following our oldest child's birth, I noticed that my wife's libido seemed to be lessened. I don't just mean for a month or three after birth, I mean that our child was 18 months old and my wife was still far less interested in sex than she had previously been.\n\n​\n\nSince our oldest child was born, she has consistently explained her diminished (and continually diminishing) libido in a variety of ways, but the overriding explanation she has given is that she is \"tired.\" As her libido has trended down from 4-5 times a week to once every 3 to 4 weeks, I have spent time trying to fix whatever the cause of the loss is. She has been on post-partum zoloft after our two younger children were born and I'm aware of the effect that it can have on libido, but the diminished libido remained even after she weaned off.\n\n​\n\nWith her complete lack of lust as an explanation, her failure to initiate and her feeling too tired for sex takes on a far different light. Suddenly, I can understand why chores would be more important than sex. If you have no desire for sex and you feel tired, you're not going to want to ignore the dishes in the sink to go fool around. With this info, I can wrap my head around her actions/reactions to things, her lack of initiation, etc. It finally makes sense. \n\n​\n\nWhile I can subjectively understand it now, if I place myself in her place and imagine a total lack of lust, I can't imagine being okay with being in that state. Selfishly, I want to be pursued in the same way that I pursue her. I want to be desired too. If I had known this before we were married, it would have been a deal breaker for me.\n\n​\n\nI'm not really sure what I'm asking for or expecting by posting this, but I'm hoping someone with experience might be able to tell me that there is hope and that it's worth it to put in the work. (I can't imagine that this will be a quick or easy thing to fix, and that's assuming that \"fix\" is even the correct word. Maybe I'm a selfish dick and there's nothing wrong with her. Maybe I'm the one with a problem and sex once a month is normal. I suspect that's not true, but I should probably find out before I make some comment about it.) \n\n​\n\nBased on her self reported timeline, the loss of physical lust pre-dates our oldest child's birth, and theoretically isn't related only to Zoloft. She recently switched birth control from Progesterone to Apri, but with no apparent effect, although that could be contributing.", "answer": "A sexologist could help you to understand each other. Not thinking about sex until it happens doesn't have to be abnormal, but that doesn't mean you can't be struggling with it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1sx8a", "comment_id": "ergjclz"}, {"question": "Polite reminder: you are not your mental illness", "description": "Do not let BPD define you as a person, its only a part of you.\n\nTake care of yourselves \u2665\ufe0f", "answer": "Polite reminder : you are responsible for your mental illness", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "eg58sa", "comment_id": "fc5btmr"}, {"question": "Paralysis", "description": "Soooo I just noticed that when I get totally overwhelmed, I drop everything and look at Reddit or other sites.  Good to know.\n\nHope everyone reading this has a really great day!", "answer": "Me too!  There is actually a concept called \"Paralysis of Will\" for ADHD.  When presented with a task, our minds can shut down from being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. It has nothing to do with being \"Lazy\".   ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60vvpc", "comment_id": "dfa1h6w"}, {"question": "23 average everyday male, cannot stop eating pus and anything else from my body", "description": "Hi, throwaway obviously because this is really disgusting and embarrassing, but I have never been able to get answers and hoping someone can help.\n\n​\n\nI am your perfectly average male, very sporty and work out a lot, have a great social life/family/friends/girlfriend but what they all dont know is how much I have to eat anything from my body. Since I can every remember I have always picked and ate my own scabs, boogers, dandruff, fingernails (only when once cut), eye goop, blackheads (these are by far my favorite), eyelashes and even pubes. \n\n​\n\nI am puzzled because I do not like and have no interest in consuming piss, shit, hair from anywhere except pubes, or very thick hairs like nipple hairs, semen or large amount of blood. If I get a cut I do like to lick it though or eat the scabs.\n\n​\n\nThis isn't something that is a treat for me, it is more like I have to eat it! I understand it is gross and I don't know why. I like the taste of all of them the texture of a chewy big blackhead it the best, but it is at a point where I don't want to have this issue. It hasn't impacted my life in anyway because I am always stealthy about it, but I know it can't be healthy.\n\n​\n\nI need to do it so bad that for instance if I have a big piece of dandruff  fall that I am aware of, if I don't get to eat it I get anxious. I have eaten dandruff off of bathrooms floors (my own), desks, pretty much anywhere. Somethimes when I am studying I will shake my hair for ages until the whole desk is covered in flakes and then pick the big pieces out or like the whole desk.\n\n​\n\nSorry if this is gross but please I just want answers", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. What you describe can be treated with medications (such as SSRIs and NAC) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It\u2019s actually quite common.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6yvb3", "comment_id": "escwjlp"}, {"question": "When is a hug ok?", "description": "I am a manager. My employee told me her grandfather had passed away and so I initiated a hug. \n\nShe did not seem to mind and from my point of view appreciated my sympathy. My wife was visiting my work when this happened and thinks the hug was inappropriate since I am her direct supervisor and I have only known her for 2-3 months. She thinks I need more boundaries in a work place setting.\n\nThe employee is a pretty attractive woman and even though I am her direct supervisor, I see her as more of a peer/ coworker. \n\nYour opinion please.", "answer": "I got hugs from several TSA officers this past weekend thanks to looking like shit from grieving my dog\u2019s passing. I didn\u2019t feel that it was inappropriate of them and definitely would not have any complaint for any HR department.\n\nI feel like death is one of those things that makes hugs okay as long as the person is open to it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ce9mgd", "comment_id": "eu23tdy"}, {"question": "How can I stop being such a failure in life? Someone told me that I should go see my doctor since I might need to be get ADHD treated... Suggestions?", "description": "I know deep inside what I need to do. I never do it though. Its recursive.\n\n1/20 times I do something I actually plow through the work. (I'm talking about academics) Now the challenge is to get myself to do things right those 19/20 times!\n\nI went through a denial phase when I realized that I have to take a course again after getting a straight F in it. I was like \"maybe I should just switch out of ECE.\"\n\nI'm taking it again this semester and got my first test back. I got a mid B on it. I'm disappointed. I need an A in this class to offset that failure that I had last semester.\n\nAnd its not like I got only a B while doing 100s of other productive things in life.\n\nI just have my sorry ass at home wasting my time on the internet. Its compulsive as fuck.\n\nI recently quit video gaming. But I realized that the time I waste gaming is spent doing other stupid shit. Like going online, having a super elaborate meal, etc.\n\nAnd its not just being a bad test taker. Its not like I'm working on some incredible personal projects either like some of my more successful peers have.\n\nI've always failed in life. Throughout middle school, high school, etc. I didn't even get into this school initially. I had to go to my backup school and transfer here which I even think I was a bit lucky.\n\nI really don't know how I can fix my compulsive habit of wasting time.\n\nPeople in some of my classes when I am in group study sessions always tell me in a non joking matter that I should really see a doctor since when I really do something and get my mind to it I do it well. But these situations are very rare for me. I keep walking around the room randomly and just don't focus.\n\nPlease. I'm really tired of being a failure. I am unable to master a skill or do anything...", "answer": "Honestly, not sure if its ADHD. Sounds more like demotivation and the fact that theres a million other pleasurable things you can do instead of your studies. Still, if you're concerned, go see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vdx0k", "comment_id": "de1gp7q"}, {"question": "Medical mystery- scar on old woman\u2019s back, supposedly from heart surgery as a young girl", "description": "Not sure if this is allowed here, but I learned of this mystery over the weekend and I\u2019m curious. \n\nMy husband\u2019s great grandmother has a large scar on her back, between the shoulder blades, along the spine. There\u2019s no knowledge of what surgery she would have had, but here are the various stories from different members of the family/community \n\nShe was born with her heart on the wrong side of her body and it had to be fixed (old family friend reported this- obviously false- we wonder if it was a cover story the parents told around town for some reason, though?)\n\nShe had to have fluid removed from her lungs (this is the story she herself tells)\n\nShe had some other heart surgery (the rest of the family feels this must have happened- she\u2019s always been reported as having \u201cheart issues\u201d, potentially had rheumatic fever as a child and has leaky valves now).  \n\nSome details:\nThis would have happened circa 1935, plus or minus a few years, when she was less than 10 years old (born in 1930). She remembers being weak as a child and having to be carried up any stairs including at school. She believed she would not live to adulthood. \n\nAny ideas what surgery she may have had? I find it hard to believe they\u2019d go in from the back for either heart or lung issues, but hey, I\u2019m not a doctor, and certainly not an old timey 1930\u2019s doc. \n\nPlease let me know if I should provide any other information. She would never allow pictures to be taken or posted.", "answer": "By chance, did she have diphtheria or polio as a child?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl6yr3", "comment_id": "emok81r"}, {"question": "I [23F] feel I have some kind of mental illness, my GP doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me", "description": "My life since early adolescence has been a struggle. My home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. I spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. I met a boy and now I'm a bit happier. Happy enough to try and get help. My GP gave me an SSRI and told me to book a therapist so I can stop the meds soon. My therapist told me to try breathing exercises.\n\nMy initial reaction to my therapist is anger. I don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. I've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. This SSRI is helping for now, but I don't want to go back to the life I was leading before. Even with my SO, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. I'm tired of struggling. What do I do? I feel like I want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. \n\nHere are some of my symptoms for reference:\n\n* dissociation/depersonalization/derealization\n* panic attacks\n* constant anxiety over 1 billion little things\n* low self esteem \n* self hatred\n* suicidal thoughts\n* racing thoughts\n* insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others\n* inability to keep to a schedule\n* brain fog\n* cant enjoy anything\n* short attention span and memory \n* constantly tired\n* paranoia \n* super impulsive at times \n* self destructive urges\n* hypersensitivity \n* extremely insecure\n\nHelp.\n\n**TL;DR** my GP gave me an SSRI on the condition I go to therapy, my therapist thinks all I need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. I don't agree and feel there's something deeper.", "answer": "I think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns.  She may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment.\n\nIf she is unable to address them, I would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be.  You may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role.  A good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses).\n\nThis is a good article on choosing a therapist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/14/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist/\n\nIt's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4nnyvc", "comment_id": "d45gixm"}, {"question": "Could there be any help for a guy whose head injury lead to extreme pedophilia?", "description": "Long story short, when I was younger, I fell off my bike, head hit the pavement. Over time I was attracted to girls younger and younger (exclusively) and I'm already at the point where I only like baby girls.  \nThe last neurologist visit confirmed that this accident was likely to be why.  \nHave you ever heard of anything quite like this happening? In real life I'm mostly a closet freak show. ", "answer": "Er, what neurologist would say that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6c2e12", "comment_id": "dhs2q29"}, {"question": "I\u2019m sick of hangovers", "description": "I\u2019m sick of saying this every weekend but I need to stop drinking at least until Christmas. Anyone have any tips or words of advice ", "answer": "This was me... the hangovers were my biggest problem... mentally and physically wrecked. Couldn't be there for my kids and husband in the normal ways. My drinking wasn't often out of control ( but was sometimes), it was the days after which really got me.\n\nChecking in here each day and making a clear decision to not drink each day really helped. I had to find other things to do to fill the down times.... and pure grit and determination. \n\nYou can do this. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9s19te", "comment_id": "e8ld77h"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "do1g28q"}, {"question": "How to make husband stop playing games all day", "description": "Hello,\n\nMy husband has always been a gamer, but ever since we got married it has started taking over his entire life. \n\nHe plays around 12hours everyday. He basically only stops to eat and sleep... he doesn't work his parents pay all for him.\n\nWe barrely have any talking time at all. When he's playing he never answers me because he's too focused and when he's not, our conversations don't last long because he wants to continue playing. \n\nWhen I met him he already was a gamer and I didn't mind at all. I loved his hobby and loved watching him play. Besides playing he went to university and we spent lots of time outside talking about our future.\n\nHe's never been a very active person but he used to go out when I asked him too and talk a lot. Now that we're married he quit university and basically doesn't have a life outside of the room with his computer. I have told him several times I want him to game less, but he only lasts for a day...\n\nWhen I want to go anywhere I have to persuade him for days to go and even then he often cancells on the same day.\n\nRight now I'm in online university and need to study from home. Because we live in a one-room I have to bear with his gaming sound while studying and it's driving me crazy. I'll ask him to read a book so I can concentrate but he refuses. He just says he'll stop his game and surf the internet. But the clicking sounds is still annoying.\n\nAs the days pass by I'm starting to get really turned off by him. The only image I have of him all day his him playing, laughing at a screen chatting with strangers. \n\nWhat can I do to make him more active or minimise his playing? I already tried talking with him and threatening doesn't work. He just tells me to leave if I'm not happy...\n\nWhat can I do so that he finally starts having passions again? Something other than games.\n\n\n\n\n(Sorry for my English)\n\n", "answer": "you tell him what you need. if he won't respond or no compromise possible, then u decide whether the good is worth the bad", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vidc4", "comment_id": "de2cb65"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "Why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "ddnowbf"}, {"question": "Confessing my attraction to my therapist", "description": "So I am a 20 year old female with borderline, currently in treatment.\nMy therapist is the ultimate target when it comes to my severe daddy issues and need to feel loved and validated. \nHe's almost 40, tall, kind of good looking with a terrific sense of humor and the kind of therapist who feels a lot like a buddy more than a authority. \nAnd he's in a relationship with a woman who couldn't be more different than I am. \nAnd of course, my attraction started to get in the way of literally everything and I had to come clean because therapy simply will not work if I'm spending all my time trying to be the ultimate desirable romantic interest.\nHe let me down gently. I knew he would. I had no delusions whatsoever that he would feel the same way. It hurt all the same. I'm so fucking sad and humiliated and I try to be mature and cool but at the same time my heart aches because I wasn't enough.", "answer": "Part of this is realizing you weren't actually attracted to him. He supplied a need, to feel listened to and to be made important. He made you feel like you matter and your issues are important too. He may have provided some calm. All of this and more led to you splitting on him, idolizing the behaviors and strengths you wish you had in yourself, and feeding into the desire to cross that boundary and equalize your relationship (since he knows all about you, and you know nothing about him). I promise you, I guaran-fucking-tee it, if you ever met this man outside of therapy and tried to date you wouldn't be as attracted to him nor would you feel this way. \n\nIt's just another way our emotions use intimacy as a way to manipulate our brain. It's another self destructive, maladaptive coping skill we subvert to because therapy is a vulnerable place. And being vulnerable is hard, so the defenses kick into overdrive. Don't get played by your insecurities", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ejefhg", "comment_id": "fcx7v46"}, {"question": "Should I take my ex back?", "description": "I was in a year long relationship with my ex (21M), I'm (20M). He dumped me in August and has recently asked me for a chance to fix things. I feel as if I have walls that can't be broken down, but I told him if he can win back my trust then I can try again.\n\n He broke up with me because of family issues he needed to deal with, and also I had anxiety which didn't help either. It was very hard on me, especially because I had to see him frequently. He seemed totally happy after the break up, as if he never loved me. I am in a much better place, but as of now I am confused on what I should do. I worked on my problems, but I'm worried if I learn to trust him, I will see that he hasn't worked on his issues and I'll have to end the relationship. \n\ntl;dr\nShould I take him back, or block him out of my life? My guard is up as of right now. ", "answer": "judgment call i'm afraid; everyone has diff. comfort zones in the realm of risk/reward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vy7l2", "comment_id": "de5wti8"}, {"question": "Reporting rape on a college campus?", "description": "Has anyone had any experience with this? I'm at the crossroads on whether I go forward, and if the investigation comes to rape; then my rapist will be expelled. I'm absolutely terrified of retaliation, and so unsure of what to do.", "answer": "I am also a former college administrator, and while what the other poster says is true, it's also not the whole story.  The college's priority is protecting itself from lawsuits-- that means a lot of things that won't seem fair might happen.  For example, if you are in the same dorm as the person who perpetrated against you, you would be the one who is asked to move if you don't want to be in the same vicinity, because nothing is yet proven against the perpetrator. Similarly for classes, etc.  A no contact order can be put in place, but that often won't help with the more insidious friend-of-a-friend harassment.\nBe prepared for a lot of people to question your account of things, and if your school's judicial board is not well trained (many are not-- in fact, most) they will ask questions that are invasive and down right victim blaming. \nThe process will likely be lengthy, and even if your perpetrator is found guilty, that doesn't necessarily mean expulsion-- often it can mean a suspension until the victim graduates, a suspension for a year, etc. \n\nI don't say this to discourage you from reporting, but rather to give you a realistic perspective. The school's priority is itself, not you, I am VERY sorry to say.  \n\nThis issue is why I'm a FORMER college administrator-- I found the way they handled assault and harassment cases horrible, and I couldn't in good conscience continue.\n\nYou may also want to check and see if your school is one of the many that is being investigated under title 9 (which covers sexual assault):http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/us-department-education-releases-list-higher-education-institutions-open-title-i\n\nFeel free to PM me if you think it would be helpful.\n", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2eagvi", "comment_id": "cjy3zis"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a Russian Jew and people feel I\u2019m condescending and cold", "description": "Hello and thank you all for reading and weighing in. \n\nI\u2019m 35 and have been in the US for most of my life (since 7) - I don\u2019t have an accent. But I very much was shaped by my culture. My family is argumentative and my mom can be a bit mean and sharp herself. \n\nI have several friendships that have lasted over the years. But due to moving every other year when I was young, I got used to changing friends and not working on relationships. So it\u2019s something I\u2019m actively trying to work on now. \n\nI\u2019ve been complaining to my partner how I don\u2019t have a \u201cbest friend\u201d, that one girlfriend I can call anytime with anything. Someone to hang out with. In our mid 30s things are different I realize. \n\nAnyway my bf is telling me that I need to change how I am with people. That I can\u2019t be so cold. And people perceive me as condescending. I\u2019ve been told this before and he says he\u2019s heard from others similar experiences. \n\nI tend to get argumentative, I\u2019m kind of a know it all. \n\nI\u2019ve studied and practiced meditation for years. But don\u2019t practice daily. \n\nIs there hope for me? What can I do to improve my personality so people receive me better and so that I can build stronger more loving bonds with people in my life?", "answer": "Aww that would be so hurtful and difficult to hear. I\u2019m so sorry. As someone that\u2019s known and been friends with many Russians and Eastern Europeans I know a lot of that is cultural.  Some more Americanized Americans tend to sugar coat things and use a lot of \u201cfluff\u201d in how they talk and interact with others especially the southern states where I was for 15 years (this isn\u2019t a criticism just an observation and I\u2019m totally guilty of this too also Canadians are probably extra fluffy and polite lol I grew up in both places so I\u2019ve seen it).   Sometimes it\u2019s about finding the right people who accept you for who you are. Some people might think those things for whatever reasons, others won\u2019t or they won\u2019t take it personally.  There are also ways to help soften some of your ways of being.  It sounds a bit like you didn\u2019t really have the role models growing up that were warm and fuzzy so you never really had the opportunity to learn what that\u2019s like. So there may be some things to adjust and work on, not completely change who you are. \n\nYou\u2019ve been given the opportunity to start being more aware of yourself and your ways of interacting.  You can start to notice when you might be coming off in these ways and see if there\u2019s a different way to word it to soften what you\u2019re saying. Did you bf give you any examples of when you\u2019re coming off cold or condescending? That might be a place to start.\n\nEdit: wanted to add it is really hard to find friends in your 30\u2019s, I\u2019m right there with you. The friends that I could reach out to all live really far away and I haven\u2019t really found them where I live now.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es0whp", "comment_id": "ff8cjgp"}, {"question": "I really could need some advice on this one", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You started by talking about what sounds like a pretty bad deal that life threw at you.  Namely, having an ill mother who needs taking care of and your father leaving you to do it all on your own.  Along with the school stuff, your situation has just been awful.  \n\n\nMost people that think of suicide don't actually want to die.  What they want is an escape.  They want either an escape from all the stressors of their current situation and/or an escape from the pain they're experiencing.  Suicide seems like the quickest and easiest way to get this so a depressed mind goes there.  \n\n\nYou may need to DRASTICALLY change your situation to get a better handle on your own life.  This might require finding someone to take care of your mother, changing careers, changing where you live (maybe even to another town, country, etc.).  \n\n\nWhen faced with the possibility of making big changes like this, most people make up excuses of why they could never do that.   For anyone who's actually considering ending their lives (I believe a study showed 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives), if you're capable of ending your life, you're capable of doing any of the things I've described above and plenty more.  \n\n\nThe big question to really work on in therapy is how do you escape your pain, your situation, without killing yourself.  Damn all the anxiety, all the guilt, whatever is keeping you from getting to the place you need to be.  Working through it and taking necessary actions might be difficult, but they're possible.  Your life depends on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bloai1", "comment_id": "emqzpf9"}, {"question": "Can someone tell me if my testosterone is low?", "description": "Heres the results of my DHEA and testosterone blood test.[here](https://imgur.com/a/ZtOXtGy)\n\nAbout me.\nMale\n21\nOn Humira\nCrohns diagnosis in 2012\nNo previous Medical issues\nUse cannabis recreationally\nNo other drug or alcohol use\n3 surgeries 2 of them being resections and one a hernia.\nI just began working out a week ago idk if that matters but prior i lived sedentary ", "answer": "No, your testosterone is not low.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aj3kbi", "comment_id": "eesnucd"}, {"question": "Hey there ladies and gentlemen, let\u2019s commit to NOT be on here tomorrow asking for a reset!", "description": "The weekend is upon us.  Secure your grip and check your footing.  The Sober Train is rolling, let\u2019s all stay onboard!\n\nIWNDWYT!  CHOO CHOOO \ud83d\ude82", "answer": "Yooo ready for a full Saturday of sunshine! Let\u2019s get it! IWNDWYT !", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "by13u4", "comment_id": "eqcdfm3"}, {"question": "Do therapists who only accept out of network insurance know whether or not you've been reimbursed?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I never know. I just print a super bill and hand it to the patient/client/evaluee.  That is the end of my involvement.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnjup4", "comment_id": "fxc7y7r"}, {"question": "Me [36M] with wife [32F] are constantly bickering after daughter was born. I feel like I've already lost my wife.", "description": "My daughter was born a little over a year ago.  The day she was brought home, my wife seemed to become a different person for good.  Much less relaxed, far less patient.  I know a lot of this is to be expected with a new child.  My wife cosleeps with the baby in a separate room, and at night I feel as though I am a stranger in my own home.  I sleep alone and in the morning, I kiss them bye before going off to a 9 - 5 job.\n\nI should clarify, my wife is a stay at home mom.  Before she was pregnant, I supported her for a couple of years so she could figure out what she wanted to do rather than work on her feet all day.  Ultimately, nothing came of that.  She has some depression, which has been helped a bit by taking Prozac.  Outside of the home, I virtually manage her life for her (against my liking).  I pay off debts, take care of appointments, plan social outings with friends for us.  As a father, it is still difficult for me to have something very meaningful with my daughter at such a young age.  I take her for regular stroller rides.  We go as a family to Disney, and I play with her as much as I can.  Our bond is good and getting better as she becomes more aware.\n\nNow, I am constantly being sieged about our struggling finances.  I make a good living, but we spend too much, and without two incomes, it is harder to get by.\n\nFor the last three-four years, she has had very little interest in sex, which has in the last two years dropped to zero interest.  She begrudgingly has sex with me a couple of times a week, frankly because she knows the relationship would implode very quickly if she were to cut that off as well as sleeping together.\n\nMy mom helps by watching our daughter whenever my wife needs rescuing, or when we have a date night, which is a couple of times a week.\n\nI am just not seeing much progress with my wife, and we have spent a lot of money on couples therapy and sex therapy.  I am very discouraged about all aspects of the marriage.\n\nHer communication is absolutely terrible.  Not long ago, we had an argument that started by me asking her flat out how she felt about our marriage - if she was happy, if she wanted to work on things.  She always says she is disenchanted with sex (claims she has no drive at all and isn't turned on by anything).  After the argument, she closed the door to her (and the baby's room) and wrote in her journal.  A few days later, feeling at a complete impasse, I decided to locate the journal, and read it.  I suppose I have some trust issues and often find out information that shouldn't be kept from me through spying.  To my horror, she had written that I was a slob and that living with me was like living with an adolescent.  She said I couldn't hold a steady job. (Not true, I have fully supported us for years, and have residuals from a side business coming in monthly.)  Her words were downright mean and showed me a resentful side of her I had not seen before.  With this information, I confronted her and went through each line of the few pages she had written on, asking for clarification.  I was furious at all she had withheld and wanted an explanation.\n\nShe wanted me to help more with house chores.  I have expanded beyond doing yardwork and taking out garbage and diapers/light housekeeping to doing several loads of laundry with her.  This seems to have helped somewhat, but I feel we are still on the brink of alienation.\n\nWhat can I do to improve my marriage?  I feel drained being the gatekeeper of communication all the time.", "answer": "you need marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78iszf", "comment_id": "dou599t"}, {"question": "120 days + my favourite quote, which resonates now more than ever.", "description": "\"In the greatest confusion there is still an open channel to the soul. It may be difficult to find because by midlife it is overgrown, and some of the wildest thickets that surround it grow out of what we describe as our education. But the channel is always there, and it is our business to keep it open, to have access to the deepest part of ourselves\u2014to that part of us which is conscious of a higher consciousness, by means of which we make final judgments and put everything together. The independence of this consciousness, which has the strength to be immune to the noise of history and the distractions of our immediate surroundings, is what the life struggle is all about. The soul has to find and hold its ground against hostile forces, sometimes embodied in ideas which frequently deny its very existence, and which indeed often seem to be trying to annul it altogether.\"\n\n-Saul Bellow, Noble Prize Winner.\n\nThis quote needs some clarification (it is a comment on his great novel *Herzog*, about a man in deep crisis). By soul/higher consciousness, he means this in a very literal (rather than mystical) way. 'Higher consciousness' here does not mean 'god' necessarily, (quite frankly, I see nothing specifically religious about his statement), merely a set of beliefs we regard as great. We all have them: e.g. I want to quit drinking, I want to be a better person, I want to lose weight, whatever... they differ from person to person, but we make certain goals or ideals at certain times. To use an analogy, I like to think of it as a back-up drive to a computer, separate from the main thing.\n\nBut reality is not so clean, not so focused. Reality can be cruel. Reflecting on history can be depressing (our own personal histories, and the history of civilisation). But we can always return to those initial statements we made. To continue the computer analogy, we're bound to get a virus, our computer is going to freeze, etc... we have to reboot now and again. Clear the drives, delete the unnecessaries, update our software. But we have that backup. And it's our job to keep it updated. To refer to it. Amend it if need be. This, as Bellow points out, is what the life struggle is all about.\n\nThanks for your help /r/stopdrinking!", "answer": "This is a beautiful thought from a great thinker.  Thanks for passing it on.  I stopped drinking when I was 23 and I'm 58 now.  I don't regret it.  I'm still working on keeping that channel open. \n\nHere's another:\n\nAn adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. Moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. An adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. They created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. The adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. An adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. Finally, the adult understands renunciation.\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "25cjrn", "comment_id": "chfxvdp"}, {"question": "[F21] friends with [M22] for a little under a year now. Things have gone icy and I need help", "description": "So,  this guy and I met a while back and became close friends really quickly. Like, quicker than I ever have before. He is really sweet and thoughtful and easy to talk to, everything I\u2019d want in a good friend! We found it very easy to be affectionate with each other as we are both inclined to do with all of our close friends. \nAt this point in time, we live on complete opposite sides of the US (im in puerto rico, he is in alaska) but even so we found it easy to call each other up and text regularly to vent or check in or just joke around. \n\nSomewhere along the way, I developed a slight crush (and when I say slight, I actually mean slight) on him (I\u2019m asexual and he knows), so naturally since we were close I simply told him about it.  It was easy to tell him because he had already revealed to me that he had previously had a crush on me early in our friendship. \nUnfortunately for me, I suppose, he had a (and still has a) girlfriend by the time I told him but he reassured me up and down that it\u2019s fine. And we had a few conversations on the matter and we both agreed that the feelings were nobody\u2019s fault and we\u2019d simply move on with the thing. \n\nNow, however, ever since, nothing has seemed right. We still talk, yea, but it is way less frequent and nowhere near as easy as it was before. \nHe doesn\u2019t really talk about himself to me anymore, never really going beyond \u201cI\u2019m just really busy\u201d and \u201ci\u2019m good, hbu?\u201d And I am the one initiating about 80% of any of our (infrequent) conversations at this point. I feel like I\u2019m the only one doing the venting about what\u2019s going on with me and the imbalance is making me incredibly anxious. Like I\u2019m afraid of being his burden rather than his friend. \n\nMy natural inclination is to blame all the bad things on my confession of feelings on him but I can\u2019t help but feel there is more to it than that. Every time I try to ask him what\u2019s going on he has either said that he hasn\u2019t noticed anything feeling \u201coff\u201d the way I do or he just says that he has been busy. I don\u2019t know. It could also be his girlfriend has a problem with me, but he hasn\u2019t mentioned anything like that, but he also is the type who wouldn\u2019t tell me something like that to avoid upsetting me. \nIm just plain scared, confused, anxious, and at a loss. \n\nAny advice? \n", "answer": "He\u2019s not emotionally available right now, for temporary or permanent reasons that do or do not hinge on you telling him you had feelings for him. \n\nFocus on the rest of your life. \n\nDon\u2019t confess your romantic feelings to people unless you want something to change. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7wa9me", "comment_id": "dtysdek"}, {"question": "I [20M] have been dating my girlfriend [21F] for almost four years now. I'm starting to really have intense feelings for this girl I work with [18F].", "description": "This girl started working with me about 6 months ago. I never thought anything of it when she did, I thought she looked attractive and that was about it. It then moved on to my friend and I starting to joke with her and I became somewhat close with her. A few nights ago she texted me and told me she had strong feelings for me (even though she's been with a guy for months), and while I didn't tell her I did, I felt this emotion I hadn't felt since I first started falling in love with my current girlfriend. It was that intense, butterfly-nervousness I hadn't felt in a long time over another person and I quite frankly feel guilty over it but I don't dislike it. My girlfriend and I have been living together for about a year now and while I truly do love her (and we plan on moving out of our hometown for school next year), I can't seem to understand why I feel like this. I know it's probably just lust, but it's hard to control it when I work all the time with this girl, and besides the feelings she confessed we really are somewhat good friends. Is this normal? Or is there some hidden problem I don't seem to be taking into account.", "answer": "it is just lust. you can't compare something new with something familiar.  nothing compares to 'new'.    figure out where you're at with your gf before you do anything else.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc6bj", "comment_id": "dbmwk0z"}, {"question": "Stuck", "description": "My BF (33M) and I (35F) have been together nearly 2 years. We\u2019re engaged (sort of) and live together. He has a history of doing things behind my back (ie sexting other girls pics of himself and requesting the same in return; emails and texts to ex, etc) which I forgave and we BOTH worked towards rebuilding our relatiobship and being honest and committed. \n  However I\u2019ve noticed since the beginning of the year he\u2019s been extra withdrawn. At first he said it was a \u201chobby\u201d learning about various software programming and whatnot for a MacBook I bought him for Christmas. Then, he went from little to no convo to not talking to or spending time with me at all, and I can\u2019t help but shake the feeling there\u2019s more to it than \u201clearning about a hobby\u201d.\n  We\u2019ve argued numerous times and he says being in the same room counts as \u201cquality time spent\u201d, yet he doesn\u2019t engage or interact UNLESS he\u2019s in the mood; or requires something of my existence. \n  Also, his suspect behavior concerning other women has come back into play. He\u2019s secretive with passwords and has numerous cloud drives. He\u2019s began having private encrypted chats and texts with other/former flames and even invited a girl he has a past with into our bedroom (yet failed to tell me the extent of their relationship until SHE brought it to my attention). On top of it all he\u2019s moody; shouts at me all the time (even for asking questions or requesting we do something as a couple) uses profanity towards me regularly and is kind; talkative and patient with his friends and even other females. \n  I love him but I daily feel disrespected and as if he could care less if I\u2019m in his life or not. I don\u2019t want a failed relationship however deep down (and I\u2019ve been patient and understanding) I feel I deserve better treatment than this or at least minimally kindness. Could anyone tell me if I\u2019m blowing it out of proportion or asking fat too much. ", "answer": "You are totally right in your feelings. You're putting up with way too much sh*t.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782fbm", "comment_id": "doqjjut"}, {"question": "Fear of Commitment?", "description": "I [26/f] have been together with my boyfriend [26/m] for 6 months and always feel, when we aren't physically together, that we are doomed to break up. He was, since the beginning of our relationship, very clear about his commitment issues. His parents were divorced when he was still a small child and he never had positive examples of healthy relationships during his upbringing. We talk about these things quite a lot and we've already had our share of crisis due to these doubts of his. He tells me that when he is alone to his thoughts that he unwinds a roll of negative views about everything in his life, in particular the likelyhood of our relationship working out. He says that he belives, deep down, that love relationships are pointless and that will eventually end. He also says that he doesn't want to have these thoughts and would just want to be \"normal\" (whatever that means). Most of the times we are together we are happy. Yes, he's a bit of a grouch but I love him and I really just want him to be happy. I really don't know how to help him. Honestly I feel at times dragged into a spiral of negativity, and would rather not spend so much energy on someone that might not be there for me when I need it.\nSometimes I feel I should break it off before I get hurt. ", "answer": "he needs a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tabwa", "comment_id": "ddlfiob"}, {"question": "Dissociation question", "description": "Hey everyone!\nI was just thinking back about a time (I was probably 15/16) I never really knew about mental health, but I was a generally happy- sometimes angry- teenage boy.\n\nAs I look back, I was definitely disassociating for a couple months at least. I went to the doctor, and he said to get my eyes checked. Regardless, I eventually stopped and haven\u2019t experienced it since.\n\nWhy would this happen to a happy, teen who had no anxieties?", "answer": "Dissociation is a human reaction that occurs naturally at times; when it happens during a routine day we might call it \"zoning out.\" There doesn't have to necessarily be a rhyme or reason all the time, although there are instances where it can definitely be pinpointed.\n\nI'm guessing by \"dissociating for a couple of months\" you mean relatively regularly, and not for an entire two month period. That is an entirely different level of severity there.\n\nWhen it starts to become problematic, we may find ourselves have difficulty focusing on completing tasks, forget important information, lose energy and motivation to work/go to school, and find it difficult to socialize. We often look at frequency (how many times is it occurring during the day) and severity (how long does it last? Are you still functional?) and then go from there.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "esfi71", "comment_id": "ff9ogdt"}, {"question": "I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day...", "description": "I spent the whole day alone and got food poisoning.", "answer": "At least you saved money?  Maybe you'll lose a little weight?\n\nSorry your day sucked.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "45xhpi", "comment_id": "d0106yk"}, {"question": "How can I tell if I've flu/Covid19 symptoms, or its just health anxiety?", "description": "I've GAD, OCD, and depression. I have a lot of health anxieties and am fairly hypocondriac. I've regularly strongly questioned if I have various illnesses/disorders ranging from ADHD to cancer.\n\nI live in Republic of Ireland and the latest knowledge is that there is risk of spread of Covid19 through the public and if anyone has symptoms they should self isolate. Thankfully I'm not worried about dying from Covid19, and not really anxious about catching it since I wouldn't be considered at risk of severe issues.\n\nHowever I'm very anxious of knowing if and when to isolate myself to stop it from spreading to others. On one hand I experience some symptoms already from anxiety (fatigue, nausea etc) but with past ecperiences I have previously felt issues that were caused by thinking I'd have issues. As it's impossible to forget Covid19, I'm constantly feeling I might have a fever, or my head feels slightly funny.\n\nIs there anything to do to identify if something is mental or caused by mental state/belief, or if I've actually got symptoms and should isolate?", "answer": "https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/472f64-covid-19-coronavirus-guidance-and-advice/\n\nIf you're feeling unwell then phone your GP.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fidzqk", "comment_id": "fkgwejo"}, {"question": "When is comunication unhealthy?", "description": "In a relationship, it's always good to communicate your feelings and thoughts right? How else can things be solved if we don't talk about it. So... What do you do with particularly toxic feelings and unhelpful thoughts. Things that will only hurt the relationship and serve no purpose. Should those be voiced? Is it unhealthy to express these vile thoughts you know are wrong but you feel them anyway?", "answer": "Verbal abuse?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gshcmc", "comment_id": "fs63qxq"}, {"question": "Your thoughts", "description": "So I've been dating this girl for 6 months and I really like her alot, lately I've been questioning weather I should stay or not. Here is why, i have been crushed in my past before by cheaters. I have a history of being cheated on. And she is kinda my last chance at having an actual relationship, im kinda just giving up on trying to have a relationship with people anymore. She is best friends with her ex, and has text some else calling them cute. When I talked to her about it she said she was sorry and it didn't mean anything. She said it was just a stupid thing that she didn't mean, she begged for me to stay so I stayed, but lately I've been having major trust issues. I'm not sure if I do trust her, but I've also been losing trust in everyone and pushing everyone away. So my question is do you think that I should stay and try to make use work/ or for me just to get hurt. I'm afraid of getting hurt and I feel like that is why I am pushing everyone out of my life", "answer": "sounds like her boundaries with the ex could be off. that's a red flag for sure", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vn7r3", "comment_id": "de3czbt"}, {"question": "Is it unethical for a therapist, to publicly like comments that insult people with mental health issues?", "description": "I'm talking about Youtube therapist Dr. Todd Grande here, who is apparently obsessed with making videos about Narcissism, but that's not the point. I noticed that, when he's making videos on BPD, ASPD or NPD, he likes comments under his video where people straight up insult those suffering from those personality disorders. Dr. Grande likes comments like \"They are full of shit, lol. Try saying [blank] to them, trust me, it's driving them absolutely nuts\". So he pretty much supports people, who not only insult, but also suggest to bother those people. Seeing that reminded me of that unprofessional comment from Katie Morton, where she pretty much said those people were \"disgusting\". I was wondering if liking those comment is just as unethical?\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "This is a little bit tricky as when speaking of ethics and un/ ethical behavior for a profession, there are clearly defined ethical principles. For this to be unethical it must be contrary to one of these defined principles. \n\nThis will depend on the profession. While I'm uncertain about the ethicalness of this practice. It certainly seems to be bad form", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d7aeig", "comment_id": "f0yu4wz"}, {"question": "19/M - Been going out with my first ever girlfriend for about a month now, but spending time with here is draining. I feel like I'm not cut out to have a girlfriend.", "description": "I realize the title's a bit confusing but I'll explain. So I started seeing a girl about a month ago and we get along pretty well, she's nice and we have a lot of similar interests and all that. At first when I would see her I felt apprehensive just because of nerves and I'm socially awkward so I generally feel that way about anyone, but I now feel much more comfortable around her. We've had sex quite a few times and spent some time together, but I still feel that apprehension. I just find that I'm often drained when I hang out with her, to the point of exhaustion.  She's usually the one asking if I want to hang out and I'm generally making excuses. Like a few days ago I had work at like 2:00 or so, and she wanted to hang out before then, but I knew it would just be such a hassle for me and I would be so tired I lied and said I was going in early. On top of that she always wants to see me to hang out or cuddle or something. \n\nHonestly it's making me realize just how much of a selfish person I really am. I just need so much time alone to recharge and even then, the idea of going on a date or hanging out with her is just too much. And I cant bring myself to tell her that, I generally just say I'm busy or have work. I feel like we should get along great. We have so many similar interests but I simply can't spend as much time with her as she would like. Honestly I can't thing of anyone who I can spend a lot of time with without needing some alone time. I know this is a common introvert tendency but for me I feel like it impedes on having a relationship with this girl. Even texting her every day is a reluctant chore for me. \n\nI'm just at such a loss as to what to do. Any tips or advice would be great, thank you. ", "answer": "prob cut out, just not ready, which is ok!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cqsay", "comment_id": "dhwnu6v"}, {"question": "Counsellor suggested I exhibit signs of anxiety, PTSD and OCD - where do i get a proper diagnosis?", "description": "Hello friends,\n\nI've been noticing an increase of panic attack symptoms lately, to the point where I went to go see a counsellor at my university. My psychologist suggested that i exhibit signs PTSD, and OCD which facilitates my anxiety. Though a psychologist, the counselling service cannot confirm or diagnose me with such disorders. \n\nI was wondering, because I have no knowledge about services available for mental health, where do I get a proper diagnosis? Should I see a psychiatrist? What other credentials should I look for?\n\nAny help or information would be splendid. If this is of any help, I live in Canada. ", "answer": "Psychologists and Psychiatrists are both trained and qualified to make diagnoses.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "238nlf", "comment_id": "cguqiax"}, {"question": "POKEMON GO FUCK YOURSELF", "description": "That is all.  ", "answer": "lol\n\nI quite enjoyed the joke about this app revolutionizing the way people get hit by cars while playing on their cell phones.\n\nWorry not, fads die quickly.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4so1a3", "comment_id": "d5at1hb"}, {"question": "At 30 I have been depressed for over two decades, I just emailed a clinic that works with my workplace to provide counselling. I'm taking a positive step for the first time ever.", "description": "I just wanted to tell someone. I know it's lame, but I am very scared, nervous, excited, anxious, and proud. ", "answer": "It's not the slightest bit lame.  It's awesome!  Glad you are getting help. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7wppr1", "comment_id": "du2osw4"}, {"question": "Checked myself in to an emergency room because of suicidal and violent thoughts. Biggest mistake ever.", "description": "I checked myself in thinking that I could leave whenever I wanted. Now a few hours later I have a plan to go to an actual mental health facility with my father tomorrow and they still won't let me go. \n\nIt almost feels like its out of spite. Like \"Oh you think you're fucked enough for this huh? Think your thoughts are too crazy? Well now you're locked in for good\"  \n\nI just can't get to a place where I actually think these quacks are trying to help me. For Pete's  sake I'm in a converted storage bay and attended to by an ER doctor who himself said he is winging it. \n\nI want out but I don't know how to get it. Help Reddit can they actually legally bind me here? ", "answer": "Sympathies for the OP.\n\nJust to reassure people in the UK at least - this is almost the polar opposite of how things work should anyone in crisis seek emergency assistance. Don't be put off.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5r5lgi", "comment_id": "dd568g3"}, {"question": "How can I [27F] deal/understand people [particularly 27M] with low libidos (maybe NSFW)?", "description": "So I think I would describe myself as having a high libido, and I know other people's don't match this, especially some partners. I'm dating someone now, and its been about 6 months but I honestly am starting to feel like I initiate sex every time. I kinda feel we wouldn't even have sex if I don't start making out with him or something. \n\nThis just happened so am feeling bummed - I saw him last week after being a few weeks apart because of travel. Of those like 8 days, we've seen each other every day but haven't had much sex. Tonight we spent the entire day together, like lunchtime to evening, and he dropped me home inside, but promptly left. I thought we would, and then he said he had to go, and I just turned a bit sour after that.\n\nCommunication wise - he knew something was wrong but I felt in the moment it would be demeaning to me by somehow saying \"Hey, I actually wanted to have sex tonight but you didn't. We both have work tomorrow so you don't have to sleep here but we haven't had sex in 3 days\". It makes me sound desperate. He asked me a few times but I didn't want to say anything and he just left. I just got angry and upset.\n\nI don't know what exactly to do or tell him. I just am annoyed and feel like he is totally ok not having sex with me, which is making me feel unwanted. ", "answer": "libido isn't personal any more than someone's desire for food should be taken personally. he simply has a lower libido than you.  in any relationship, there's someone who wants something/anything a little more, and someone who wants something a little  less.  talk to him about it. it's ok that he has less libido as long as you find a middle ground where everyone is happy.  but never take someone else's libido personally.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5of32m", "comment_id": "dciw0um"}, {"question": "Spironolactone and Propranolol (25F)", "description": "Hi,\n\nI am a 25 year old female who occasionally takes Propranolol(40mg) for anxiety. I dont need it daily, I just take it as and when it's needed and rarely more than one in a single day. Yesterday I was prescribed Spironolactone (25mg) for PCOS related issues. My question is are these safe to take together or would the medication interact?\n\nI completely forgot to ask my doctor this yesterday and cannot contact her over the weekend.\n\nThanks in advance to anyone that can help!", "answer": "Both lower blood pressure, so you could find yourself relatively hypotensive and light-headed. That's a low spironolactone dose for hypertension, and it's not an amazingly effective blood pressure med anyway, so it's relatively low risk. Still, I would be cautious with the combination. Talk to your doctor before taking both if you can, and try to avoid taking them together on a day when you need to be on your feet and at your best.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94dj0m", "comment_id": "e3k6cbn"}, {"question": "What does a doctor mean when they say you \"look healthy\"?", "description": "Sorry if this is a stupid question. Title says it all. Been told this by 3 doctors over a few years now and I don't know if it means the same thing as when other people say it. 38F, 145lbs, 5'9\", psychiatric issues + POTS.\n\nI've been told \"looking healthy\" is a way to say someone is overweight, but I'm not overweight. I *am* healthy and I don't have any issues that aren't controlled anymore. I haven't passed out in a couple years and my psychiatrist has helped find the right combo for me.", "answer": "Looking healthy isn't a technical medical term. A doctor could mean just about anything that anyone could mean by it.\n\nIt's sometimes used after reviewing labs. \"You look healthy\" is shorthand for \"all your labs look fine.\" I've never heard it said after looking at a patient, but I would imagine much the same. \"On visual inspection, there is nothing obviously wrong.\" A quick visual inspection won't pick up a huge number of things, so it's not all that useful to say, but that's my guess.\n\nDoctors usually won't say that overweight looks healthy. Doctors are more likely to tell you that you need to lose weight with greater or lesser tact and grace.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e4lurc", "comment_id": "f9d8l8x"}, {"question": "When I turned 30", "description": "I turned 30 in September, 2016. On my 30th birthday, like any other day of the week- I got up and went to work. My day went by and before I knew it, it was 6:30pm- I was just getting settled in from work. It was a Monday. \n10:30pm rolls around and I received my first Happy Birthday from my Mother. Never heard from my father. Don't usually. \n30 years of my life- all my life, my mother usually used my birthday as a reason to take something special from me. Always referred as \"just another day of the week\" to which it was only, always that.  And my father used my birthday as a reason to binge drink/drug, act like he's younger than me with no responsibility, blow a his money give out his phones, loan his car out and come home in a cab and go without a car for days, begging whoever has your car to bring it back sometimes ending in car theft, accident, and even \"misplaced\" - yeah coming home to ask me to go to the dump he came from on the morning of my 29th birthday.. \nI have to say- 30 birthday was quiet-as were the holidays for me. It was relaxing. But the incident when I turned 29 was just the straw the broke the camels back ya know? I have spent 30 years of my life being loyal to my family- I am done. I can't sacrifice anything more- already lost nearly a quarter of my life protecting and defending. But when I look around its just me. And it's been that way for nearly the past 10 years already. My parents have guided me nowhere. Where I am now is where I got myself. \nI'm not a child anymore- I feel I have honored my mother and father as long as I could while being in their presence. I decided that if I was going to honor them, it would have to be by accepting them for who they are, all while at a far. I guess they did the best they could... Then it dawns on me that I spent majority of my childhood years locked in my room up until I was 16. Punishment from report card to report card because I didn't get A,B, C's. Do you think my mother ever took the time to read over my homework with me? Well that's hopefully what you do for your kid when they don't understand something. \nI don't have kids and do not have Fallopian tubes to reproduce. That is not meant to be. I wouldn't want to be like my mother anyway. She was cruel. Which I can also be... \nDid anyone else realize they were loyal to their family and shut out until they needed you again? What did you do? I haven't spoke with anyone in almost an entire year and I don't really think I care to? They have reached out on a couple occasions, I just really have had no desire to be involved with them. They are all people I used to know. Like when I was a kid. And now, I just know them better. Advise? ", "answer": "if one is not blessed with great parents, the next best thing is great friends.  be very pro-active about having/finding great friends and they will be your family forever....a loving, supportive family.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5touwq", "comment_id": "ddnz2vn"}, {"question": "Sent a pic of developing baby bump to husband (30m) who is currently away and he said he prefers me thin (25f)", "description": "Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones making me extra sensitive but my husband is away for work for the next two months and I am 13 weeks pregnant and so he's not really \"here\"--In a physical and emotional sense. I was really super excited about our growing baby developing and I started to show recently so I sent him a photo. His only comment was \"I prefer when you're skinny.\"\n\nI'm pretty damn insulted like first, it's not even like I blew up at all. The baby bump is hardly massive (looks like I had a big lunch) and like why even say that when I'm getting bigger GROWING OUR CHILD? Like obviously I can't help it and I'm only going to get bigger from here on out.\n\nI guess combined with the distance and feeling like there's a lack of support on his end, I'm extra sensitive. I wish he was just as enthralled as I was in seeing our baby growing. \n\nIs this worth mentioning to him or am I being overly sensitive?\n\nTl;dr Husband is away for work and only commented that he preferred my normal thin physique over my developing baby bump. I'm feeling insulted by his comment, is it worth mentioning?\n\n**********EDIT***********\nThanks for the responses guys. This was all over text message with him because he was working so I sent him a message saying \"It's very hard to read your tone through text. What do you mean you prefer that I'm thin? I'm trying not to be offended and give you the benefit of the doubt that you were joking but I feel very bad about that comment.\" \n\nHis response: I'm just saying you were sexy before and you'll be back to that body when another person isn't in your stomach.\n\nNo apology given and I just left it at that for now. We will be talking later on tonight so hope that goes well.\n\nAnyway, it made me think there is a bigger underlying issue here, one being that I'm too fearful to even confront my husband about a hurtful comment because he usually gets very defensive when I call him out. I can already hear what he will say if I bring it up to him again tonight. Probably something along the lines of me being selfish and ridiculous about needing reassurance about our relationship. Or something about how I need \"validation\" from him and how I'm insecure and so on, so forth. \n\nThanks for all the advice and for making a pregnant woman feel less insane for being so hurt over a comment like that!", "answer": "There are so many layers of \"wrong\" to this entire thing. The comment was careless and rude. And the fact that you can't even bring up an issue to talk to him about without knowing he'll tell you you're needy etc is a huge issue. Honestly there's more I could say but I'm just so sad and irritated for you and all I can think is how incredibly sorry I am that you have to raise a child with this man (If you so choose). One of the most important things to have when raising a family is a CARING and SUPPORTIVE partner. Doesn't sound like he's either. Good luck. :(", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "37z19h", "comment_id": "crrb6x6"}, {"question": "Do you refer to someone in therapy as a \"client\" or a \"patient\"?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I use \"patient.\" For me , this is about respecting psychological suffering and also normalizing the use of mental health services.  \n\nAlso , I have worked in impatient settings , and with SPMI clients who are quite literally patients,  even outside our relationships. \n\nI would feel different if I was working with outpatient folks to spice up marriage,  or other similar populations.  My patients,  though are definitely patients.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvxqtv", "comment_id": "fmmtdvk"}, {"question": "Emotional maturity retarded by addiction", "description": "God willing, I will celebrate 16 years clean and sober in a few days.  This gift came after I drank alcoholically for 30 years from age 13 to 43.  I heard in treatment and in recovery rooms that alcoholism and addiction interferes with emotional maturation.  If I stopped maturing emotionally at age 13 and resumed when I got sober, my adjusted emotional age would now be 29 - the same age as my son.  In some ways that seems about right.  He and I really relate to each other.  I feel like I am taking responsibilty and getting my shit together they way it might have been expected for someone about to turn 30 rather than 60.\n\nMy life can be divided into three distinct phases; childhood and adolesence, alcoholism, and recovery.  In some ways, I regret (despite most of the promises having been realized) the impact my disease may have had on my life.  I wonder what might have been, had I stopped drinking and found recovery at age 20 or even 30 years old.  I realize these are immature musings of a lad of 29 and more will be revealed.  I do recognize that I have been able to help several recovering alcoholics because my experience was exactly the way it was supposed to be.\n\nThis reminds me of the saying that the best time to plant a tree (stop drinking) was 20 years ago, and the second best time is right now.", "answer": "I joined AA when I was 23 in 1978 and have been sober ever since. I go to as many meetings as I can that\u2019s usually 4 or 5 a week. \nHere\u2019s a good working definition of Maturity:\n\n An adult is a person who is not governed by demands for immediate pleasure, comfort and excitement. Moreover an adult is able to organize the events and emotions of their life into a memory, a rough meaning, a story. An adult understands that the world belongs primarily to the dead and we only rent it from them for a little while. They created it, they wrote its literature, its songs and are deeply invested in how children are treated because children are the ones who will keep it going. The adult is the one who has been able to preserve his or her intensities, including the intensities proper to their generation. An adult is one who goes out and gathers jewels of feeling for others. Finally, the adult understands renunciation.\n\nRobert Bly - Sibling Society", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "eg08z4", "comment_id": "fc5oshu"}, {"question": "looking for Relaxing apps or games for anxiety.", "description": "Looking for relaxing apps or games for anxiety. Games don\u2019t necessarily have to be for anxiety but one of those games you can hop in and play for 1-5 mins would be fine. Aesthetic visuals and relaxing music would be a plus", "answer": "Breathe is a great mindfulness app that has meditation sessions. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kwf73", "comment_id": "e72a9ql"}, {"question": "I know that a woman is interested in me but I don\u2019t have any interest in her, how can I politely let her know that it\u2019s not going to happen?", "description": "So I\u2019m 38 and this woman is probably no older than 25. She works the window at a sandwich shop I get food from occasionally. I used to go there a lot and my dog would sit on my lap in the driver\u2019s seat until she passed away. Everyone got to know me as the dude with the pug. \n\nOne girl has always been ULTRA friendly to me. Nothing creepy, just saying things like, \u201comg it\u2019s so nice to see you again\u201d when any other customer would probably just get a \u201chere is your food\u201d. \nI\u2019ve also seen her driving around town in the delivery vehicle for the shop and she always beams with excitement and waves at me when she sees me. Like that little kid from the .gif who realized his dad was the one driving the train. \n\nShe\u2019s very attractive, bubbly, cute, and is probably a comic book nerd, I don\u2019t know why I assume this because I\u2019ve only ever seen her in her uniform, but I bet she plays more video games than the entire cast of the Big Bang Theory. \n\nI am flattered and it\u2019s nice to know that someone thinks you\u2019re attractive or whatever, but I really am an awful person that really should not be in a relationship with anyone. I\u2019m not abusive or anything, I\u2019m just severely depressed, can\u2019t handle when people show me empathy, and have a terminal illness. I\u2019m leaving the country in about a month and would like to still get sandwiches and maybe chat her up and let her know that if I am interpreting her signals correctly, that I\u2019m flattered but unfortunately I am leaving so we couldn\u2019t pursue anything. I\u2019m not interested in just a physical thing because emotions always end up getting involved in those situations anyway. \n\nSo how do I approach this? I\u2019d hate to leave the country for ever and have this woman thinking \u201cwhere did he go?\u201d I\u2019d also like to tell her I\u2019m flattered if I\u2019m correct in my assumptions, but that she could do WAY better than me and that if the circumstances were different I.e. I didn\u2019t have a brain tumor or wasn\u2019t clinically depressed, that I would at least go on a date to see if we had anything in common. \n\nI\u2019m no good at talking to people let alone communicating with someone I\u2019m in a relationship with. \n\nThanks for any advice. I really don\u2019t want to just vanish on her because I can tell that on days that I do stop in, she makes an effort to be the one who helps me, and she does light up which is actually quite beautiful. ", "answer": "You don\u2019t need to say anything to her unless she asks you out, in which case a simple \u201cthanks, but I can\u2019t,\u201d will suffice.  If you want to tell her you\u2019re leaving: \u201cjust wanted to let you know I\u2019m leaving the country for the foreseeable future. It\u2019s been nice getting to know you!\u201d will work. \n\nPlease spare her the monologue you\u2019ve drafted in your head and go tell it to a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7vmza2", "comment_id": "dtthm6z"}, {"question": "\"Is it Asperger's?\"", "description": "A lot of people on here ask if they have Asperger's in the hope that the online community here can diagnose them. AS well as being repetitive, a lot of the time the answers aren't very different - none of us can make a diagnosis over the Internet, online tests can't be used alone to make a diagnosis, etc. and so forth. I think perhaps it is time that we get a few ideas together for an FAQ page that has good resources and can point people curious about diagnosis in the right direction.\n\nAmirite?\n\nEDIT: I have messaged the mods about this and am now awaiting a response. Keep the ideas coming! So far we have:\n\n* better exposure of the IRC channel so that people can drop in to talk to others about their ?diagnosis\n\n* links to some of the well-known clinical questionnaires", "answer": "in the interest of not doing unnecessary work, why not pick a half dozen of the several dozen FAQs already available on the WWW and maybe pick one or more to point people... why redo something that has been done just fine several times before?", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "u7ore", "comment_id": "c4visri"}, {"question": "Question regarding mental health", "description": "Hi there guys \n\n27 year old male. 1.77m in size. Weighing around 85/87 kilograms. Non smoker, non drinker. \n\nI'm not entirely sure whether this is the correct place to ask this, but is it possible for the body to experience symptoms of illnesses/diseases that they wouldn't necessarily have?\n\nI have never gotten this confirmed by a medical professional or doctor but I would say I suffer from hypochondria and I have always wondered whether the human brain is capable of such a thing.\n\nFor example, diabetes. I might at a later point in my life get diabetes due to genetics and or poor dietary habits, a huge portion of my dad's side of the family has diabetes. My dad, his dad, his two brothers and his sister. I have looked into the symtoms every once a while throughout my life and could often only really relate to a few minor symtoms that often at time would pass or turn out to not be as severe as I made up to be, but there's been this indescribable itch in one of my fingers since last night that can't seem to leave me alone. There's also this weird tingly sensation in both of my hands. \n\nOr a few weeks ago where I had this lightheadedness that lasted for a few days, to the point where I had to hold onto walls every once a while cause it felt like I was going to fall. That too thankfully has past now, but could it really be that me imagining and thinking being dizzy and lightheaded actually resulted in me being dizzy? \n\nI always hear how powerful the brain can be, so could it be that I am underestimating my brains capabilites?\n\nI really do not want to waste anyone's time with this. There are probably a lot more people on here that require the help a lot more than I do right now.", "answer": "Yes, it\u2019s possible to have your mind and brain produce physical symptoms as a result of mood, anxiety, and stress. Any serious symptoms should still be worked up by a doctor to make sure rather than assuming, but somaticization\u2014symptoms due to psychological causes\u2014is a common and fairly normal process.\n\nIf it becomes frequent and overwhelming, that too can be treated, but only if that seems worthwhile to you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eo3t0k", "comment_id": "fe8eggh"}, {"question": "It seems as though I have hit the end of the road..", "description": "I really don't want this to come off as a rant, but I don't know how else to put it.  Recently I've gone on a few dates trying to put myself out there and get no where to somewhere, they didn't fail miserably but they failed to the point where I knew a second date was pushing my luck.  I feel as though when I first meet someone I am interesting and capable of a half decent conversation but as I get to know someone more I just fail.  How do you keep conversations fresh and interesting?  \n\nOne of the girl's I went out with is in one of my classes, we still talk but its literally petty things that generally stay on-topic with the class we're in, nothing else.  Sometimes I just feel so stupid, it's painful sitting in silence because I have no clue what to say or talk about.  The worse part is she's a genuinely interested girl that I can't even think of anything to spark a conversation.  \n\nMy problem isn't really related to nervousness or shyness, I've learned to not really give a f*ck, but that doesn't mean I have the ability to make conversation.  It may play a part subtly that I may not be aware of but for the most part I am just clueless on what to say.\n\nI also gave up on the whole dating thing and tried something much simpler just making a friend, but this has failed miserably too.  I'm usually alright for the first time meeting someone but then it just dies off quickly.  The worse part ever is the friends I do have, are more so just acquaintances because we never really hang out because the conversation just DIES out.\n\nThis whole matter is painful to me, because I really wanna just be someone that can talk to anyone and be able to at least make friends.  Life is miserably boring, I spend hours mindlessly wasting time doing absolutely nothing because all I really have to do is study and work occasionally.\n\nI've read all these guides and watched numerous videos on \"perfecting the conversation\" or whatever you wanna call it.  When it truly comes down to it are they really even that helpful?  Because I sure as heck haven't improved at all from checking them out and it's not like I'm not -TRYING- to improve.\n\nSo I suppose my questions are, how do I keep the conversation fresh and interesting?  How do I make conversations funny and not just baseline?  Is there a trick to improving your humor?  Am I really just socially retarded or is there a way I can actually improve my state?  And whatever else you can possibly give advice on from stated above.\n\nWith that, thank you for reading this..any response will be appreciated as I'd love to read something. ", "answer": "Conversation, like any other skill, can be studied and practiced. So practice and study it :) Watch movies and see what the charismatic characters do in conversation. Read books on it. Check out online resources -- this [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is a good one :)\nEDIT: Also, don't wait on making your life interesting. If you are bored with your life, change it. Take up a new hobby. Travel. Volunteer. Do something you've always wanted to do but never have. Life is beautiful--go explore!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12yd7z", "comment_id": "c6zbubi"}, {"question": "...that feeling of knowing I waste so much time, and mental/emotional energy on what essentially amounts to nothing...", "description": "fears, anxieties, distorted and inaccurate interpretations of the world around me, ego based desires, and  probably more...\n\nperiodically i have moments of clarity where I am hit with the truth of how empty and stupid most of the crap going through my head is. In a way it's liberating, for a moment, but then it's depressing and infuriating since I'm certain I'll keep existing in this pathetic state. \n\nI'm open to changing that belief, but I honestly don't feel great about my prospects for escaping this absurdity.", "answer": "Oh it is so hard and it can feel hopeless at times. Keep trying, you can do this - don't lose hope :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "72x5nw", "comment_id": "dnm3se6"}, {"question": "Is it normal for guys to approach women in random places?", "description": "Such as in coffee shops or even on the street? I know there is a huge field of \"pickup\" advice that promotes this, but I can't determine if it's generally considered acceptable behavior. Outside of a bar, I have rarely seen this done. \n\nNote that I'm not talking about striking up a casual conversation based on the environment (e.g., sitting near someone on the bus and seeing that they're reading a book you like). I'm talking about walking up to a girl out of the blue and letting a girl know that you find her attractive.", "answer": "It's not common. It's possible to pull it off successfully, but it's also possible to make a woman really uncomfortable (especially if you're approaching her in a context where she feels unsafe, like if there is nobody else around.)\n\nI would stick with the other option you mentioned -- striking up a conversation based on the environment. If a girl is reading a book you like, it not only gives you a much better reason to talk to her (making her more comfortable), but it also increases the chances that you will actually be compatible with her.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19alie", "comment_id": "c8mph0u"}, {"question": "Why do none of the therapists I reach out to for treatment even reply to me?", "description": "This isn't a recent development so it's not a coronavirus thing. I've been trying to get into therapy for 2 years. My only success was when I was referred directly from an IOP program. I have contacted probably 25 therapists in my area via several different methods. Leaving voicemails, emailing them, reaching out through psychology today, etc. It seems like if you're in a position where vulnerable and emotionally/mentally unwell people are reaching out to you specifically for help, you could at least respond to them to let them know that you're not taking any new clients if that's the case. It's too many to be a coincidence at this point. I've given a lot of info sometimes, and sometimes just said \"I'm looking to start seeing a therapist\" so I don't think anything particular about me is putting them off somehow. What is going on?", "answer": "I am so sorry that this is so common in the field. \n\nWhat is happening is (most likely) this: therapists are operating private practices and cannot afford to hire someone to answer the phones. They see clients all day, are getting many calls, and simply don't have mental space or space in their schedules to call back 30 people, unpaid, just to say, \"I can't help you\". It's unacceptable but it's incredibly common. I have been through the process of searching for a therapist and found it super demoralizing, and few people are probably more prepared to navigate the system than I am.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fv0y57", "comment_id": "fmh0b2c"}, {"question": "i just saw a cockroach and i'm having a panic attack.", "description": "there were millions of cockroaches at my last place of residence and i've been cleaning this one so much. a cockroach just climbed up on my bed please someone tell me the nightmare isn't coming back. i don't know what to do. i can barely breathe.", "answer": "Are you able to leave the place and stay the night somewhere else? It would be great if your tenant took care of this for you. You shouldn't have to sleep in a cockroach infested apartment! Anyone would be freaked out! (Trust me, I did it once...)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2jhqpq", "comment_id": "clbvezu"}, {"question": "M25 F21", "description": "Me and this girl have been seeing each other an our sex life and problems are being voiced to her friends, and her friends are telling her to ask me for space in which I am, I've only texted her once to tell her hope she had a good day no response, I came on a bit strong as we've only been seeing 2 months and told her I was terrified of losing her. I ignored her last message which seemed like a cry for help, but i was at work and got off around 3am so didnt feel the need to respond. She wants space, but also said she doesnt wanna stop talking, she really likes me and cares about me ( both of those were texts out of the blue) and she said shes not breaking it off she just needs space. I just need advice on how to proceed, I like this girl within the first two weeks ive met her parents which according to her took a shine to me.", "answer": "she's contradicting herself. i would keep other opportunities open as she's mixed up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6barhw", "comment_id": "dhl30gh"}, {"question": "I relapsed (x-post from r/stopdrinking)", "description": "**i figured i should post this here cuz i post here too**\n\nI woke up this morning at 4:30 am still drunk from the night before. I was still tired, still wanted to go to sleep. But I was afraid that if I were to go back to sleep that I would most certainly die by choking on my own vomit if I were to do so. Over the course of the night, i had drank way more than i had drank in my life, yes even as an active alcoholic i never drank as much as i drank in one night as i did last night. I think i drank enough to kill a small human.\n\nI woke up with a vague recollection of some things, that i had to piece together by asking other people and txt message logs and shit like that. I was quite seriously out of it. I had only ever blacked out or browned out once in my life (tho, if it was more, would i really know?). I drunk texted someone who is like a co-sponsor, the person who got me to even think about quitting drinking. And he's quite pissed (i'm always worried that he's pissed but this time i know it's serious). I've pissed off a quite understanding Pastor friend of mine, who is in the program and is not the kind of person who gets angry (he's a lutheran pastor and they are seriously just happy that someone asks for help).\n\nWhy did I drink? Well, It started with a panic attack on wednesday night, i awoke at 3am with an intense pressure in my body, the same pressure i've had before when having panic attacks and didn't want to go to the ER at 3am. So i took what was handy which were some percocets that i got from my MIL. Yes, i know, i need to stop taking pills from her. I'm working on that. So I took some and went back to sleep cuz they mellowed me out. Then went about my day, things went great, i did some big things with church and stuff was very happy felt the best i had in a while, was so happy to have turned a corner. Later that day, i was sitting at home and decided to for no reason in particular to take a handful of percocet. woke up sick, took a few more, went about my day. woke up sick, went to therapy, felt like a dick for using, told 1 friend.\n\nThat one friend said i need to come clean. Asked around the webchat on sunday, was told i need to come clean about relapsing. Didn't want to have to go in and say, I FUCKED UP. Especially since, someone in a meeting (my former sponsor) told me I was going to relapse because I wasn't doing it for myself so it was going to happen. This was in response to me saying that, I didn't want to drink but was afraid I was going to relapse. I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're right. I didn't. So upon stress due to the pressure of having to be truthful, I drank. And I drank more than ever before because I couldn't deal with all the AA and shit that i've got going on in my head. It took a lot to get me past that feeling of guilt and shame.\n\nBut now i know, this shit will fucking kill me if i don't get it together. I can't drink like i did before going to meetings, because the first place i go is guilt. And it'll just be harder and harder because i'm driving away the people that want to help.", "answer": "I don't know if you work the steps, if not disregard.\n\nFrom what I understand of the BB, it tells me that a relapse, short of someone pouring a drink down my throat, is always precipitated by inaction on my part. From my experience and the collective experiences of many I know, if I do the things laid out in the twelve steps, and I do them to the best of my ability, then I won't drink. I'm not saying that I'll be insured happiness, freedom from panic attacks, and immunity to the opinions of others, but I won't have to drink. See from my perspective, a panic attack and fear of others didn't MAKE you drink. An obsession beyond your control made a drink the only option. The thing is, that obsession is there in part due to inaction on your part in diligently working the twelve steps.\n\nThis sounds condemning and judgmental, I'm sorry if it offends you. I don't know every circumstance in your life nor your work in AA, but the understandings and beliefs I have of the twelve steps make this a cut and dry case for me. It is however just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt depending upon how sobriety looks for you. Just thought I'd offer my perspective.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20ohsr", "comment_id": "cg5ts9w"}, {"question": "Today is a success because I had a bad day, wanted to drive my car at 70km/hr into a lamppost, then when i made it home wanted to drink until i forgot everything, but instead i just made myself some motherfucking toast and cried in my bed for a bit.", "description": "Love me some motherfuckin toast.", "answer": "I heard making dinner helps too. I'm so glad to hear about your successes in catching this as it's happening and figuring out a way to validate yourself. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9qktvz", "comment_id": "e8bb4b9"}, {"question": "Feel lonely but want to isolate myself. Is this normal for someone aged 22?", "description": "Off late I have been cutting off ties with people left and right. I broke off my friendship with my best friend recently. I got rid of about 2 close friends in the last one year. All of my close friends stay in different cities and my communication with them is over social media. So I feel distant from them most of the time. And I feel like I don't treasure any friendship enough. Like breaking it off with my best friend didn't feel bad at all. I had actually outgrown the friendship. But I don't know why I cannot seem to stick to friends at all. This always happens to me. I get tired of them within 2-3 years. But I also feel horribly lonely at times. I am only 22 and I don't know if it's normal to feel like this. ", "answer": "For me, I felt this way after undergrad, being in college made it so easy to meet people and see people because everyone was always around and had a slot of free time and a lot of excuses to do stuff together without a lot of other responsibilities. Then everyone graduates and moves away and gets jobs and spouses and kids and houses. Suddenly, you have to work to make and keep relationships going and make plans. Since I wasn't used to this, I figured that since it wasn't easy anymore that no one cared about me enough, because of they did have going out would be easy. I didn't want to do things with people because I didn't feel like they would like me or they were doing it because they felt bad for my or something. Now it's been 3 years and I'm learning how to put work into relationships with people that aren't professional or family related or people I live with so I can see them all the time. \n\nMy advice for you based on what I have learned so far: set up a schedule with the friends you do have. Every (insert day of the week) you go with those people to do something you enjoy, like happy hour, DnD, or bowling, whatever. With the standing appointment, everyone is able to fit it into their schedules ahead of time.  \n\nIsolation is nice on occasion to reset, but sucks as a way of life. Good luck building your social system. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cm6ph", "comment_id": "e5busly"}, {"question": "WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN A CLIENT TELLS YOU THEY'RE SUICIDAL?", "description": "Do you ever feel like they're lying/attention seeking? \n\n​\n\nBesides from someone saying they'll actually do it, what signs give away that they will follow through?", "answer": "Well.... my immediate thought is that this person is really suffering and currently in an unhealthy place.  People who are healthy neither are actively suicidal or lie about it.  \n\n\nI don't really care whether they're lying/attention seeking or being completely honest.  I make sure to do everything in my power to keep them safe, be that a referral for evaluation for hospitalization or just developing a concrete and detailed safety plan to follow if they start feeling impulsive or as though they may act on their thoughts.  \n\n\nIf a person is has passive suicidal ideation, I'll check in from time to time but continue working with them.  If they are frequently actively suicide or on the fence (ie. they actually want to kill themselves, are forming plans, took some action at an attempt) I'm going to refer them to a higher level of care.  If our work in therapy is not enough to keep them stable, they really need something more intensive that I can't offer (inpatient, partial hospitalization program, intensive outpatient group, DBT program)\n\n\nIf they were indeed honest to God actively suicidal, this will help them get the help they need.  If they were lying and attention seeking, they'll learn that this isn't the appropriate way to get attention, at least not from me, as our relationship will end due to my need to transfer them to a higher level of care.  \n\n\nAll in all, when I hear these things, I just feel for the client and want to do whatever I can to help them without taking any chances.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c25oce", "comment_id": "eri2fn4"}, {"question": "Thoughts", "description": "So today me and boyfriend had a conversation about what is considered cheating and what isn't. Me, [21/F] and him [22/M] stated that talking to someone your s/o is uncomfortable with is cheating. Well, a year ago he was talking to this girl who would hit him up, always trying to Skype and would get irritated when he never messaged back. So I told him she seemed to be getting a little clingy and it was making me uncomfortable, so instead of him just ignoring her, he told her that i didn't like her and I didn't want him talking to her anymore and that they \"UNFORTUNATELY\" had to end their friendship, so she messaged me upset that I had said anything. Yet he doesn't consider that cheating, but if I did, it would be. Thoughts?", "answer": "Talking to someone your partner doesn't like isn't cheating. It might be breaking a promise to them but it's not fucking adultery just cause it scares you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a2ay4", "comment_id": "dhbcxdo"}, {"question": "Daydreaming yourself as someone else, a more ideal version of yourself, or a fictional character?", "description": "One of the activities that consume my day is listening to music and daydreaming scenarios or stories based around the music. I never really imagine myself though, or at least not the person I see when I look in the mirror. I\u2019ve pushed people away just to do this; along with losing precious time just to sit and waste away in daydreaming. I get so lost in these daydreams and it makes me feel better in a way. This behavior can be noted when I was younger too and would play pretend characters all the time, typical kid behavior except I would do it for weeks.\n\nWhen I daydream, I\u2019ll imagine myself in the perspective of my own characters I created, or ones from games I\u2019ve played. Often wishing I really were this person. I\u2019ll imagine myself in a fantasy world where I may even be the opposite gender character. Im not gender dysphoric and aren\u2019t unhappy being a female so I\u2019m a little baffled why. Im not sure if me feeling like my life holds no purpose is the reason to why I maladaptive daydream. Thinking of myself as a character in a story gives me importance, and the other people in my fantasy world are in my head so I\u2019m not scared of them like I am real people because I control the scenario. Video games aren\u2019t enough because in online games theres people which I highly dread.\n\nI\u2019m decently skilled in arts and crafts (despite my economic situation holding me back) I\u2019ve thought about genuinely creating costumes and things for these characters I have created and living them out to help how much I daydream. However reality is reality and I know people would consider me a freak show, and my only good relationship I\u2019ve ever had may suffer too. My family would look down upon me as well. \n\nSo in conclusion, anyone have any advice or similar experiences?\nEdit: I also have an unholy obsession with mask, like the idea of being able to conceal yourself and be elusive makes me giddy.", "answer": "No I usually Daydream about stuff that goes on around me. Like, what if Ninjas popped out of that closet? How would it look if I did a flip out of that window? I bet I could wall run that wall.\n\nI never imagine myself in a Daydream it's always from my perspective", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gst4ce", "comment_id": "fs8hh95"}, {"question": "I wrote a quick piece about what to expect when entering a psychiatric facility", "description": "The mental hospital was the only thing that gave me a chance to live a somewhat normal life. No one ever asks advice, but I thought these few things would provide a useful heads up. \n\nhttps://totaltext.wordpress.com/2019/01/26/so-you-are-going-to-a-psych-ward-four-things-to-expect/", "answer": "Id probably qualify this as being a US(?) experience - because its vastly different in the UK and other countries. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ak86ox", "comment_id": "ef33t09"}, {"question": "My mom is having heart surgery tomorrow... I need help with staying calm.", "description": "I\u2019m crying on and off right now. I\u2019m freaking out. My mom\u2019s having open heart surgery and I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019ll do when she\u2019s undergoing her surgery tomorrow. Two of my aunts are going to be there... so I guess that helps a bit, but I already have GAD and my anxiety is going off the charts. Just... f***! I tried looking for information and advice on google, but it\u2019s all stuff for parents to help their children with getting through their surgery. \n\nI don\u2019t know what to do now, and I don\u2019t know what to do while I\u2019m waiting in the waiting room. I\u2019m full on panicking. I feel like I could have a mental breakdown. \n\nMy mom\u2019s the most important person in my life and even if the surgery goes completely well and smooth, she\u2019s still going to be in so much pain after. I\u2019m trying to hang on and be strong, but it\u2019s so hard right now. I want my mommy. I freaking HATE that she needs surgery.", "answer": "Hey, hang in there. You are in a shitty situation, no doubt about it, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. \n\nAs others have said, there's not a lot you can control right now, and that can be very nerve-wracking. Try to focus on the things you can control. It's hard to control feelings, exactly, but there are things you can do to take care of yourself and help your body feel a little better. \n\nHave you done breathing exercises before? Take a deep breath, all the way down into your lungs. Hold it there for a few seconds, try to stretch your lungs out. Then exhale slowly. Repeat this a few times and count the seconds or your heartbeats - I like multiples of 4 because I'm a music person - like 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out. Then up to 8, maybe more if you like a challenge, but take it slow and listen to your body. After a few cycles your heartbeat should slow down a bit. It takes time to calm down, always, but this can help you focus on the here and now and keep you from getting trapped in your head, as anxiety likes to do to you. \n\nTry to relax your muscles as well. Go through all your muscle groups, from toes up to arms, shoulders, and neck, and flex/relax them slowly. Sometimes we tense up without thinking so this helps you be aware of what your body is doing.\n\nNone of these things make the scary things go away but they can give you something to focus on that isn't the \"what ifs\" and negative thoughts - always try to bring yourself to the present and focus on where you are in reality - Remember that surgeons and doctors and nurses are some of the most well-trained, well-educated folks out there. She's in good hands, she's in the best place she can be right now, and she's having to go through this so she can be healthier in the long run.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "esmlkp", "comment_id": "ffb6iha"}, {"question": "Unpopular opinion: I enjoy the vivid dreams, even when they\u2019re night terrors", "description": "I forgot what it was like to dream, and how important it is somewhat. For 3 years my sleep was shit, and I rarely dreamt. If I did, they were short lived. \n\nBut in the past 30 days or so, wow. I haven\u2019t had dreams like this since I was young. They seem to last hours, and they\u2019re insanely vivid. Sometimes they\u2019re dark, but still interesting. It\u2019s an insane glimpse into my subconscious and I actually really appreciate it. Not only that, but I\u2019m actually feeling refreshed when I wake up, and I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s party because of dreaming and REM sleep. My creativity is off the charts lately, and I used to think I needed weed to be creative. But this is different; it\u2019s almost primitive in a way. \n\nJust something weird I\u2019ve been feeling lately, don\u2019t know how to put it exactly. Anyone else feel this way with dreaming coming back, and it\u2019s effect on your day to day life?", "answer": "Vivid dreams are cool and interesting anyone who says otherwise, that's anxiety talking", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "e543o8", "comment_id": "f9hrbnn"}, {"question": "1st time posting, not sure why I can't stop...", "description": "Hi guys. Just signed up for Reddit specifically because of this page. I already feel a lot of comfort reading everyone's posts and knowing that other people are going through the same things.\n\nI've been smoking every day for 5+ years and have not been able to stop for more than 1 week. I've been considering going to a local M.A meeting for quite some time now... I know they take place on a Wednesday, and every day of the week I think about how I really want to go. But then Wednesday comes around and I wake up feeling differently; suddenly the idea of attending a meeting doesn't seem like such a great idea.\n\nTo me things couldn't be more clear: I've been cutting myself off from the best of what life has to offer by putting weed above everything else. I basically function at my lowest capacity - only ever doing the bare minimum. Somehow I get by - no one would ever suspect I'm a stoner, I don't come across like it at all but this has been my secret safe place for years now. On the surface I have it all together and people think I'm doing really well but privately my life revolves around smoking weed.\n\nI'm very clear on the fact that I need to make a change and stop. In fact, a lot of the time the one thing that makes me feel the happiest / most eager about life is thinking about how my life will improve once I've stopped. I'm hyper-aware of all the ways my life will improve and I have no doubt it's going to be the best decision I've ever made. BUT...\n\nI just can't seem to make the decision on when to actually stop. I keep thinking I'll stop any day now, and I really do believe that the day is coming up very soon because I want a sober, clear-headed life so badly. But part of me is still holding out, waiting for something outside of myself to make the decision for me... It's almost as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen, to hit rock bottom before I really make the changes I've been talking about for so long. I shouldn't have to wait for something awful to slap me in the face in order to change things up... But at the same time my habits are so deeply ingrained that the idea of just \"not smoking\" all of a sudden does not feel possible. So I'm unsure what to do.\n\nIt's like I can feel it coming - I know that my time smoking weed is coming to an end. I've felt the discomfort with my lifestyle increasing more and more and I'm really not enjoying being trapped in my weed-smoking bubble. I am on the verge of so many great things in my life and I know that kicking my weed habit is exactly what I need for everything to  start coming together for me.\n\nBut then again I have to be careful because the truth is I've felt this way for years. I've been having conversations with myself about stopping and about how great everything will be without it for literally years now.\n\nNot sure exactly what I'm asking for here but I decided that if I don't go to the meeting tonight I at least should reach out to people on this thread. Thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories. If anyone has any advice on how to finally make the call or what made them finally stop I'd love to hear.\n\nAlso if anyone has had experience with the M.A meetings and how they were in your experience I'm very curious to find out more. Thanks everyone!\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "I attend MA and love it, it helped me get sober 6 years ago. I still attend as I feel at home there and have gained a lot from it.\n\nMy suggestion to you would be to look up and fill out a Cost Benefit Analysis worksheet. You should be able to find one for free from Smart recovery online. It's pretty simple and may help you get some clarity on where you stand with quitting/not quitting.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "a1dfee", "comment_id": "eap4mhd"}, {"question": "Question about a situation", "description": "I'm writing a book and I'm attempting to be realistic. Would a therapist ask a patient to leave if the patient began screaming at them? Do therapists ever use their home as their office? If threatened with violence would a therapist throw away their professionalism and yell back at the patient?", "answer": "As others have said, context is important here. I had a kid pull a butcher knife out when I was in his home but I knew he was just being dramatic so I wasn\u2019t worried. On the other hand, a coworker was violently murdered by a patient when she went home for her lunch break. A good therapist would stay professional and never scream back. Our focus would be in this order 1) assessing for safety of the person (do they need to be hospitalized?), 2) maintaining our own safety through perhaps getting up and moving closer to the door or establishing a larger perimeter of personal space, and 3) role modeling a therapeutic response while descalating.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ck8urq", "comment_id": "evl6vn2"}, {"question": "I AM CYNICAL AND SELF-CENTRED", "description": "I somehow landed on these two subreddits:/r/problemgambling /r/FoodAddiction. After reading a few links I could not help but think these are just the silliest addictions. I take that thought back. Sometimes I am very cynical about peoples problems because I think they are vain and idotic, but at a meeting I discovered that this is actually a problem with my thinking. It is being self-centered, that my addiction and severe depression should be recognised by the universe. This week I will work to be less self-centered. I am not general manager of the universe and I will stop acting like I am.", "answer": "I sometimes find myself judging others and their problems, comparing them to my own, etc.  Then I remind myself when I see somebody in anguish: though the reasons for their pain and the things that brought them there are different from my own, and doesn't make sense to me, the pain is still real.  That's their pain.  That's my pain.  That's my pet dog's pain.  We all experience it at different times and for different reasons, but it always feels the same.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "16z7xb", "comment_id": "c82sabv"}, {"question": "[21/f] I feel like my boyfriend [22/m] will ditch plans with me if something better comes up", "description": "Some background to the problem: I've been with my partner for 2 years. I'm always going to my his house, I'd say pretty much every day. Whether I ride my bike there, catch the bus or even walk I'll find a way to get there. In the past two weeks he's been to my place around twice, which really bugs me because I feel like he's not putting in as much effort. (I've brought this up with him and he says he'll try harder... and then doesn't)\n\nI've been having a really rough week with uni, quitting my job and selling my family home, and my boyfriend knows it. Today I had a uni field trip, I left the house at 6:30am and got back at 6:30pm, I was exhausted and just needed some love. Throughout the day he'd agreed to come around to mine when I got home. When I get home and ring him he says he doesn't really have time to come over because he's watching the basketball with a friend. I'm a bit bummed and ask him to come over afterwards, to which he says he can't because he will be drinking and won't be able to drive and also because he has a flat tire on his bike (he has like 3 bikes). So I'm pretty disappointing but say it's no biggie. About an hour later he messages me telling me he's going out on a pub crawl with his mates and that he won't have his phone on him because he's lost it. I am so hurt by this. I don't give two shits if he wants to hang out with mates or go out on the town, but the fact that it was too difficult to get to my place (which is about 3 suburbs closer than where he is drinking) but it was easy enough to go out with friends makes me so sad and angry. \n\nNow I'm left wondering, does he even care about me? Are my feelings valid? Or am I over-reacting? ", "answer": "Ditch him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70grzv", "comment_id": "dn2zg6k"}, {"question": "It feels like there is a lump in my throat. It has begun to affect my breathing and eating.", "description": "I should probably preface this by saying that I've already made an appointment with my primary care doctor, but his earliest available time is in two weeks. So I'm mostly just looking for some sort of relief until then. Also, I am 21 years old, male, 5' 10\", 120lbs, and white.\n\nSo I started having this sensation of having a lump in my throat about a year ago. It might just be coincidence, but it started soon after I had a case of acute bronchitis. It felt like there was some object, food, or mucus stuck in my throat. And it also feels like it starts moving up my throat, so I try and swallow, which feels like it pushes the lump down, but never enough so that I actually swallow it. It didn't cause any problems for me with eating or breathing, it was just sorta discomforting. I thought it might have been a tonsil stone and I went to my primary care doctor about it around 5 months ago, but he just said to do some stuff to try to relieve the discomfort like drinking lots of liquids or gargle salt water.\n\nBut recently, I just fought off a nasty fever, and the lump in my throat is getting worse. I feel it every day, and eating and breathing is becoming much more difficult. Breathing when I'm trying to sleep is getting hard. It feels like mucus gets pushed into my breathing pathways, and I wake up with a congested nose every single day. And when I eat, I have to have a glass of water to help me swallow. I start to gag if I put just a little too much food in my mouth. It doesn't help that I'm only 120lbs and need to put on some weight too. I was about 120lbs before the lump appeared too, so no sudden weight changes.\n\nGoogling my symptoms hasn't helped. This thing is starting to cause me so much stress; I just want some relief :(", "answer": "A lump in the throat is not an uncommon symptom after something stressful like bronchitis etc - for you it's spiralling out of control as the experience stresses you out further and that makes the sensation worse.\n\nMight be a good idea to look into some distraction techniques to reduce the severity of your experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "73bxz2", "comment_id": "dnp6f7b"}, {"question": "Anyone else suck at speaking in front of people?", "description": "I used to be good at it.  But ever since my social anxiety kicked in, I've gotten worse and worse at it.  Even shit like saying here when roll is called gets me a little anxious sometimes.  I have to present a small power point about myself in spanish class.  I am freaking out about it.  Especially since school has just started and I am not comfortable with my class at all.  Fuck, help.", "answer": "I have always had a weird relationship with my social anxiety.  I have a ton but I also am a bit of an adrenaline junkie.  I've performed music on stage more times than I can count and if it's been a little while, getting up there makes me feel like my skeleton is going to jump out of my skin.  Thankfully it hasn't yet.  \n\nI think one of the main things that adds to social anxiety is forgetting that what you see and are aware of within yourself is not at all what the others see.  For instance, when I play a song, I know exactly how I want it to sound down to every chord and every sung note.  If it's a little off, I get upset.  I also get upset that everyone else can see exactly how nervous I am.  \n\nIn reality, they have no idea.  It's taken me a very long time of people telling me they're \"shocked to even hear I have such high social anxiety because it doesn't show\" to believe they're telling the truth.  \n\nThe take away, nobody out there knows you're nervous unless you say it during the presentation or continuously apologize for any miniscule mistake you might make (that nobody probably would've even noticed if you don't bring attention to it).  \n\nPractice your presentation.  Practice presenting it in a few different ways as when your nerves kick in, it might be an incredible presentation, but not the one exact way you pictured it in your mind.  That's okay!  You'll power through it.  \n\nHonestly, when it comes to school, most people are scared to death to get up in front of people and give a presentation.  Almost everyone feels some sense of panic and think everyone can see it, when most people can't.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)   ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6vvnoz", "comment_id": "dm3m1j1"}, {"question": "Update on is he being abusive or am I too sensitive?", "description": "I posted twice in the last two weeks here asking for advice about my husband's behavior.\n\n\nOnce, after my SO's recent not coming home and not letting me know where ever was for 24 hrs (then reducing me to tears for asking him to be considerate), and the other time after he stonewalled me for 16 hours because I accidentally interrupted him (though I profusely apologised).\n\nLast night, after being shouted at again, called crazy, out of my mind, and other names, because I commented that he had been acting suspiciously with his phone recently (never letting it out his sight, running back to get it even when he'd already started running the shower and taking it to the bathroom), then him shouting to 'get out' and pack my bags when I said he had no right to shout at me and call me names, I finally left.\n\nHe walked me down to the apartment lobby, then walked off ahead of me into the night leaving me by the curb as I waited for a taxi to a hotel across town. He didn't say goodbye or inquire as to where I was going although it was late etc, which says it all.\n\nSo, Reddit, thanks for your previous advice and listening to me....it's helped me to see that this isn't a good relationship.\nAnd now, after being shouted at to leave, well, I have more than enough reason to GTFO and start anew.\n\nTerrified and missing him (the good side), but know I can't keep accepting his behaviour, otherwise I'm resigning myself to a life as a doormat.\n\nEDIT: moving into my own apartment (one month temporarily) tomorrow. Have ignored the few phone calls and one email he sent last night with a half assed apology. Staying strong, going No Contact, and collecting my things whilst he's at work tomorrow.\n\nSo genuinely moved and galvanised by your help, Kind Reddit Strangers; THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU x", "answer": "abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rzus1", "comment_id": "ddbfuom"}, {"question": "I'm [M 22] and I'm ruining my relationship with my [F 21] girlfriend because I get/have jealous/low self-esteem/anxiety/insecurities. I'm irrational and difficult. Can someone help me please?", "description": "I'll try to keep this as short as possible as I don't want bore anyone. Me and my girlfriend have been together now for over 9 months, this is my first and serious relationship (and sexual) My girlfriend has been in two relationships before me, one that was probably about under half a year and another that was about 11 months. Both of these past relationships were sexual though not as much with the 4 month relationship. Even though she's been in two relationships before me, one of which is still currently longer than ours, she says that this is her first serious relationship and one where's she's happy, has been in love and has enjoyed sex. We try so many different positions and have fun in bed. We always go out and have the best times with each other, we laugh so hard at times with eachother. We love eachother dearly. So why do I still get insecurities? Why are they much worse now than when we started our relationship? \n\nBefore continuing I'm fully aware that I'm the one that's difficult and damaging, I know I'm being irrational and the one that's ruining things, I don't know if it makes it worse being aware, it's just I can't help having these dark moment of feeling useless, I just want them to go away.\n\nI've make things difficult because I always want to compare and I'll always fixate on numbers, like \"how many times did you have sex in your past relationship\", \"what were the positions\", \"am I the best and the biggest\" I'll even ask things like \"have you cuddled in this position before\" and even if she suggests watching a film, I always try to subtly ask if she saw it before with him. I don't know why I ask, because it only makes it worse. It's straining on her, but I just can't help it.\n\nShe said her second relationship went bad only after two months, and that she hardly saw if very much each week and that they had several breaks, almost every 3 months they'd go on a break. Their sex life was borderline abusive as he'd do things to her that she wasn't comfortable with. She hasn't got the best family, with her mum moving in different men/constant house changing, and he was her outlet.\n\nI feel guilty for everything that happened to her during her second relationship because I knew her from before she got into it, we'd flirt a lot and it was obvious that we both liked each other a lot, but I didn't have the confidence to say anything back them. But I feel as if I had said something they maybe everything bad that happened to her in between wouldn't have happened, and also a bunch of the first time stuff would also have been with me, but I know that's me being selfish. I carry this weight with me a lot of the time, sometimes it'll be days where I don't think about it at all, but sometimes it's get too much for me to the point where I'll hurt myself (she doesn't know).\n\nEdit: She says I've help her discover herself as a person and that I've been the best thing to have ever happened to her, and that I've helped her so much with home stuff, more than anyone has ever. She says she can't imagine a life without me and that she loves me so much. I've always been there for her with any of her stuff as my love and support is unconditional, and she knows that.\n\nWe love each other so much, but why do I act like this? Is it because this is my first relationship and if I had been in several others, then maybe I wouldn't feel as insecure, maybe I'd wouldn't think about her ex, because I'd be able to appreciate something good. I love this girl and we've spoken about future commitments and I truly do want my life to be with this person, I just don't think I can let myself to be this message of a person to her, I care too much for her and I feel while it might get her now, she would be better of without me. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do, how do I better myself, I really want to, please help me.", "answer": "psychologytoday.com    therapist directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vi0i1", "comment_id": "dm0fsp4"}, {"question": "Anyone here have a vitamin D deficiency?", "description": "I was recently diagnosed with a severe vitamin D deficiency. I think it's because I cover up from head to toe year round due to my hirsutism. Also heavily introverted so I'm indoors most of the time. I'm worried about my bone health. My back constantly aches and I've developed hump on the base of my neck. Also I'm a two inches shorter this year. What does this all mean?", "answer": "Yeah, I was put on prescription vitamin D. \n\nI read up and found most overweight people have low levels because it just hangs out in the fat instead of doing the stuff out body needs it to. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7h1oex", "comment_id": "dqo4raf"}, {"question": "Getting rid of the illusion that you need a drink to relax", "description": "Anyone else have issues with this in the beginning? Right now I work about 80 hours a week and my only time to relax is Friday and Sunday evenings. All I can think about during those evenings is how badly I want to drink. I feel bored without it. I want to do other fun things in my free time but feel like I don't have the energy, so drinking often seems like the best solution. So lately all I've been doing is sitting around watching Netflix, maybe doing some chores here and there, and quite frankly it's depressing. Not sure how to start enjoying my days off again. ", "answer": "Yoga has really helped me. Not for everyone...maybe check out Yoga with Adrienne on youtube. She has lots of short, simple yoga sequences on a range of topics from anxiety to depression, as well as yoga for physical health benefits. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8st0j1", "comment_id": "e12iuxl"}, {"question": "Like to be hit?", "description": "I\u2019m a girl and I always crave physical violence. I used to cut when I was younger, and now I want my boyfriend to slap me in the face or even punch me. I like when he rough houses me, and it\u2019s mainly during sex and I like when he slaps me out of nowhere. I hang out with another guy friend sometimes who I know will slap me too. \n\nNormal...?", "answer": "Doesn't sound like it's coming from a place of comfort or seeking comfort as much as something like cutting. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8alwzv", "comment_id": "dwzou7r"}, {"question": "Can I hear the positive stories of those of you who have finished college or grad school with ADHD?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Got through two theses, one undiagnosed, one diagnosed. Both sucked but both worth it. You can do this!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "gd8lkz", "comment_id": "fpgct2e"}, {"question": "Brother dying of liver failure. Questions on life expectancy.", "description": "My brother is in the hospital with liver failure due to alcohol. His MELD is 38. He is 46 years old and he seems to think that he can survive this. While I admire his courage, I understand this is fatal. But I cannot understand how long he has left with a MELD of 38. I have heard 2 days, I have heard a year...... Any help is greatly appreciated.  \nI know no one can tell me the day he will die... duh. But may something more specific than 2 days to a year? I need to know how much time I have with my brother, so I can make the most of it.   \nThank you all from the bottom of my heart.  \n\n* 42\n* M\n* 6 2\n* 160\n* W\n* 6 Years\n* liver\n* meld 38, cirrhosis, rapid weight loss, jaundice, paracentesis, pancreatitis\n* dialysis and pain meds", "answer": "Getting an answer from the team involved is he best answer. Based on MELD, he has about a one in five chance of surviving 90 days.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8pfkv", "comment_id": "esotey4"}, {"question": "Request: Dealing with loss of self-esteem and having people see you again", "description": "I was suffering from ED for 4 years until my body just slowed itself down and I started gaining weight again while eating very little. Anyway, I was in a really difficult relationship and it ended very badly. During this relationship I isolated myself from a lot of my friends, diminished my social circle to just a handful of people who all live outside of my city, and put a strain on most other aspects of my life. This relationship ended just before I started seriously devoting myself to treatment, and over the summer I gained much more weight than I was told I would by the doctor.\n\nThe weight gain and the recovery process itself made me depressed, and it made me afraid to go outside or visit even my limited circle of friends. I haven't bought new clothes and feel like I can't face the mall. I cry most times when I have a shower I am terrified of seeing my now ex again at university, because I feel so vulnerable and my self-esteem is so low. I feel like my weight and my recovery is a visible weakness that I am wearing around like a neon sign, and I don't know what I can do. \n\nDoes anyone have advice?\n", "answer": "Yes. Find a local support group. What you need is 12,000 units of validation and support. It sounds like you are doing recovery right but are in the in-between space where you aren't getting the internal control/relief anymore and haven't started to get to self-esteem based confidence so it's super important to get that validation and support from others who you value and trust. It's work but worth it. ", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "6w9tvr", "comment_id": "dm6w121"}, {"question": "My intro. CBT question. Day 2 no booze", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Hi. I know the Centre for Clinical interventions website has some very good resources re Cbt for anxiety, depression etc. While they are not specifically what you asked for they might help you. The Cbt principals are similar whatever the difficulty. Best wishes. Iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9ezgo4", "comment_id": "e5t0yhg"}, {"question": "Foggy mind and memory after waking up, did constant OCD-related compulsions previously", "description": "16, Male\n\nSo, this feeling is basically like... when I want to try and think about something a bit, it's like my mind doesn't wanna do it. It's like my mind is too tired to think about things, like it's exhausted and needs a break.\n\nDuring the weekend, I started to do compulsions for my worries as part of my OCD. These compulsions involve me thinking, or speaking, a few lines to tell myself that my worrying is irrational etc. These compulsions quickly became constant and hard not to do, refraining from doing them would make me feel anxious and panicky. I have spent 3 or 4 days in which I have did these compulsions all day (there have been a few breaks or decreases in frequency but it feels like it varies from every minute to every few minutes or whatever).\n\nI've been sleeping alright, getting at least 7 hours a night, but have still been going to bed late (usually around 1 - 2 AM). Since these compulsions, I have been getting more headaches and uncomfortable aches (I had a mild burning sensation at the back of my head for a bit last night). Right now I'm getting these aches, and they're not necessarily nice.\n\nPlease help me out with this. Thank you, and have a nice day. ;)\n\nNote: Yesterday, I actually get really stressed at one point because of these compulsions. I have also being rushing them slightly at times, and sometimes repeating them again and again and again because I can't get them right. I haven't been doing them non-stop all day but it still feels like I've been doing them too much.", "answer": "To clarify, have you been formally diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5738wl", "comment_id": "d8p6klq"}, {"question": "At a risk of mental illness/suicide?", "description": "My mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. Once I was like eight and I witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. I still remember. While my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour.\n\nMy sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars.\n\nNone of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. I am 18. If there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean I will have this kind of behaviour too? And whoever comes after me?\n\nTo be honest, I have been having bad thoughts too...", "answer": "That's a tricky question.\n\nResearch does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. There is a HUGE study on this by Kaiser Permanente: it's called the ACE study. Look it up if you like.\n\nThe important takeaway those is that these are correlations, NOT causations. Just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. It's more complex than that. One might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. \n\nThat's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. You can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkiwgn", "comment_id": "f4g2l65"}, {"question": "Hurt, lost and disappointed. (Long one, sorry)", "description": "Hello, I'm new here so not sure how it all works. But I want to share my story and any advice/suggestions would help a lot. \n\nBackground:\nMy partner (M51) and I (F40) been together for 4years. \nDuring those 4 years we broke up many many times. The main reason we broke up so many times is because of his ex-partner. He and his ex have been together for 16/17 years ....they split up 1,5 years before I met him. She had a baby just when we started dating (no, it's not his child). She lives in Dublin (we're in London). At the beginning he used to visit her and her child in Dublin almost every months. He also is a godfather to her child (which he hid from me, but I found out by accident). Nowadays, He still visits them a lot but not as often as it used to be. \nAs I mentioned we've been together for 4 years, but I haven't met her or her child. At the begging he said it's not a right time to tell her about us (?), I don't know why. So I waited. Now, he says he goes there to spend some time with his godson. Many times when he went to Dublin he lied or hid from me, which I found out about later. And if and when he tells me that he's going there it's always the last minute. And obviously it makes me upset and we have arguments when he's back from Dublin. \n\nHe says that they have long history and that they're just good friends, and that she and her family will always be a part of his life espclly that he's a godfather to her son. \nI understand that and accept it. But he also says that he wants me to be part of his life too and that he loves me and he wants to be with me and that there's nothing between them, that emotionally and physically he's not attracted to her anymore, that it's all gone. And I believe him, I know he loves me and I love him too, but why he doesn't want to introduce us?? \n\n", "answer": "It makes no sense for you not to meet her. He shouldn't have a private relationship with his ex", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbctn", "comment_id": "dko4lay"}, {"question": "Should I go to the hospital again? Not slept in 31 days. Will I die soon?", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 86lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a month or more\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Ativan 0.50mg, Ativan 1mg, risperidone 0.5mg everyday, risperidone 0.25mg at bedtime, trileptal 150mg half twice a day. \nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example\n\n\nEveryone says that's impossible but for me it's not. I haven't slept for a very long time and don't know what is wrong with me. I'm seeing a sleep specialist soon. Please understand that this is not an exaggeration. I really have not slept and believe I will die soon if medical professionals do not listen to me. I've been having all delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia. It's increased due to no sleep otherwise I wouldn't be thinking this way. It is the reason as to why I'm not sleeping. Every time I try and sleep I just can't fall asleep. I used to take Benadryl but for some reason it has stopped working. \n\nMedical professionals are saying it's anxiety but the anxiety is during the day and has never been this bad until I started having trouble sleeping. In fact, the anxiety isnt always there. I've been having lots of palpitations and dizziness as well as headaches and nausea. I've been feeling weak as well and just after a shower I start shaking a bit due to how tired my limbs are probably. I believe all of it is definitely due to no sleep. I've went to the hospital 3 times in one week because of the lack of sleep and it presenting many physical symptoms. They have told me to keep taking benadryl. I have actually lost my trust in doctors because a lot have not listened to what I have to say. \n\nLast time I went to the hospital, they had to check my weight and I had lost 3 lbs. I think my heart and the rest of my body will give out one day if no one helps me. I have never ever in my entire life experienced such a thing at all. I slept well during my vacation.. about 5 hours a day but before and after coming back my sleep was poor. Before I left it was due to spiders or centipedes in the house and after coming back in the beginning it was due to jet lag. I did not travel outside of the country. The sleeplessness has been going on since June 25th. However, it got worse fast. I've have slept 5 days for at least 4 hours to 10 hours after taking Benadryl or Ativan. I stopped taking the Ativan and Xanax due to muscle spasms and jerking movements that I've been experiencing in my neck sometimes. I just don't know what to take anymore to fall asleep. I just want some sort of insight. I've already went to my doctor who doesn't listen to me and relates everything to anxiety. \n\nHowever,  I'm not anxious all the time when trying to sleep. It's mostly because of not being able to sleep that I start having palpitations and dizziness as well as headaches and then sometimes that gives me anxiety. I just really want for someone to believe me when I say I haven't slept for that long. I am not exaggerating and know for a fact that I've been awake for that long tossing and turning in my bed. I am seeing the sleep specialist on Thursday but before then, I really want to try and sleep a little and feel like it will be too late then. I have tried melatonin, deep breathing relaxation techniques, benadryl, and Ativan. I forgot to mention that I've been getting aches and pains throughout my entire body as if I have a cold of some sort right now. Could I have some sort of underlying disease because of all this. They took blood work a couple times at the hospital and said everything was fine. \n\nNone of them have helped me sleep longer than 10 hours a day. It's only worked a couple times. What do you think is wrong with me? I sincerely ask to please answer every question that I am asking on here. I have run out of options and I feel  like I'm running out of time and will either have another major health issue due to this or die. Please help. \n\n\n\nP.s.- this is not mania. I have no racing thoughts and I have not had any other symptoms related to mania. I do not think it is wise for a psychiatrist to prescribe antipsychotics to a patient who has never taken any type of medication for a mental illness ever. I will be seeking a second opinion from another psychiatrist because she did not listen to everything I said and did not ask me any questions. I would like for medical professionals to at least rule out physical causes first and then say its mental. It is wiser that way in my opinion.\n\n\nUpdate: I have messaged some of you because I cannot reply to any of you. I have NOT taken the psych medication the doctor prescribed. I do not think it is needed as of now. I had hallucinations and paranoia before but it wasn't while sleep deprived. It's why she gave it to me. I drove myself to the hospital and I really hope they help me. I have never been to a psych hospital so I am very afraid of going to one. I don't like being locked in somewhere. I know it's safe and all but that makes me panic more. Thank you all for your responses. It's a little overwhelming for me to read them all and I've only read some. Some are very helpful and others actually give me a lot of anxiety.\n\n\n\nUpdate #2 (I know I seem crazy but it's a little story now so I decided to share): I left the hospital without being discharged cause I thought they were going to admit me. Turns out they weren't. The social worker asked questions and said she had to call my mom for collateral because I was there 6 days ago. She said it was unusual to come back after seeing a psychiatrist. So, after she had to leave due to someone getting an x-ray, I pulled all the wires and shit off of me, put my clothes on, and hid in the bathroom until the coast was clear. Their was a van and everything outside and I ran to my car, thinking it was for me. I was going to sleep in my car in a different parking lot cause I really thought they were still after me. Even went to Walmart to buy food for the night and a couple of other nights. \n\nEvery car behind me made me think it was a fuckin cop trying to get me back to the hospital. Even thought of buying a change of clothes so I wouldn't be noticed. Eventually, after a couple of hours of driving around, getting lost due to panic about being chased, and my parents calling me I decided to head home because I thought it was safe. The reason I didn't end up home in the first place was because I thought the cops were waiting for me at my house.", "answer": "All the useful advice that can be given has been given. This needs to be treated by a doctor in person, not with spitballing over the internet.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjtwol", "comment_id": "evgs54f"}, {"question": "I've an appointment with a cardilogist tomorrow, but heart is weird", "description": "Hi, then. Relevant: 19 years, 1.93, 138kg, black, male. Not confirmed by psycho yet, but anxious and depressed. Septum deviation and taking corticoid and loratamed. Sedentary.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI was playing on my  pc, as I did all day - the day went by normally - until now... I felt an uneasiness. My heart raced, but I felt something in my throat. I put my hand on my left chest and my heart beats accelerated. I tried to take a deep breath to control and I sat on the bed. Worried, I already scored a cardio for this Friday, but since I do not control the time, I have to wait 8 hours. \n\n​\n\nBut my heart is weird rn. My heart is  normal  but  after accelerate again, especially when I feel a little more anxious. How to control this and what to do now? I'm afraid I'll lie down and something will happen. What the best position to rest?\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.S; On 9/12/2018, I had a tachycardia. I was in good shape and I got up, boom, boom. My heart gave two strong beats, I lost the way for 5sec .. I was controlling to go to hospital the next day. The doctor, from what I related, said it was anxiety tachycardia. I even did the electrocardiogram and it was  all normal.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.P.S: In these last days, when I go to sleep, those crises begin. Especially when I try to sleep on my stomach down or when I have thoughts about the future or imagining situations, it gives these accelerations and I always have to change my position. This does not happen during the day, only at night. That's why I'm sleeping in the day.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nP.p.p.s: last year, maybe in November, I increase the pace of my wal to follow a friend and as it was not the normal pace, my heart beat faster - until here, normal. But the problem is that it seemed that only a part of him was beating, it seems that he was out of step.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nThank you. It seems that after leading a life of bad habits, they are finally charging me. Sorry, English is not my first language. ", "answer": "Hopefully the cardiologist will order a Holter Monitor for you. It's an electrocardiogram that you wear for 24-72 hours. Maybe an echocardiogram, too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeq805", "comment_id": "edrror9"}, {"question": "Zoloft and codeine ok?", "description": "Just been prescribed Zoloft about a week ago , 50mg and I advised the doc I had been taking panadeine extra (codeine 15mg/500mg paracetamol) for about 2 years pretty much daily at the maximum prescribed dose (6-8 a day so 90-120mg codeine) for pain. \n\nI am cutting back on the panadeine extra as I realise the paracetamol is at a high dose for that long term use but it's going to be to be done gradually as I am a bit dependent on it now. \n\nAnyway, the doc said it's fine to take both at the same time. The pharmacist said it's fine to take both at the same time. I checked online and have become concerned about serotonin syndrome and don't know if that's a stupid fear?  I do get fasciculations and head pressure , but I called 3 pharmacists again today and they all said it's fine to take both together. \n\nNot so sure myself , just hoping for confirmation that it's ok to keep going ahead with the Zoloft. \n\nThanks. ", "answer": "It's a stupid fear. Listen to your doc.\n\nGoid luck cutting down on the painkillers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6n0rla", "comment_id": "dk5v8e6"}, {"question": "My Boyfriend Won't Talk!", "description": "Ok so long story short, my boyfriend couldn't handle the pressure of being there for me so we broke up and stayed friends but he just won't talk to me anymore. He's gone silent and nothing I say will make him talk. ;( please help! I need your opinion and if you want the whole story, I'll email.", "answer": "give him some space and reach out in a month", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgtrj", "comment_id": "dbntjm1"}, {"question": "My best friend(20F) is in love with me(24M)", "description": "I met her when she was a freshman in high school and I was a senior. She had no friends and would just sit alone and draw pictures by herself. I met her when some guy snatched her notebook with all her drawings in it away from her. He and his friends were looking through all the pictures laughing. So I just walked up and told him that he better give it back(I've always been a tall intimidating person.) He gave it back, said sorry and walked away. Ever since then her and I have been best friends. She was like a little sister sort of. She hangs with my group and is like one of the guys. Even after I graduated I would pick her up from school most days and we would just hang out. I've seen every anime in existence because of her. She's super pretty and is the coolest girl ever. Last year she was almost raped walking home late at night. She messaged me that she thought she was being watched and followed. I got no response back when I asked if she was okay so I drove the route that she usually would walk home. I saw her things on the ground and thought the worse had happened. I found a car nearby in this empty parking lot and heard noises. When I opened the door her shirt was ripped open, she was bottomless, his hand was around her neck and she was resisting. I beat him so bad that he needed emergency care. It's been really rough for her ever since. She doesn't trust anyone but me and has panic attacks. The guy she was in a relationship with at the time it happened left her because she was \"too much to handle.\" Earlier today she sent \"I love you. I've always loved you.\" I wasn't thinking that kind of love because we tell each other that we love each other in a friends way. So I just replied with \"I love ya too\" and she sent \"no, I REALLY love you.\" Then she sent \"sorry\" and just changed the subject and hasn't brought it up since. \n\nI've never really thought her that way. I mean she is beautiful and amazing and the girl I care about most but I always saw her as a little sister. Just wondering how I should go about this and if she is really in love with me or if this has anything to do with her almost being raped. ", "answer": "remain her best friend. she's going through a hard time. just gently maintain the platonic bf and tell her it's best for both of you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnfii", "comment_id": "dc4we3a"}, {"question": "Group interview tomorrow! Any advice?", "description": "I really hope this is the right thread! I have a group interview tomorrow for a seat in a graduate mental health counseling program! I have never been so excited for something! I guess I am just here to ask advice, from people who have been through it before, on what to expect. I know every program is different, but having the slightest bit of knowledge beforehand would be so helpful!", "answer": "Be prepared to comment about what you would bring to the practice (theoretical framework, prior experience). They may also want to see how you would mesh with the existing team so being appropriately outgoing and gregarious will go a long way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f9e3wf", "comment_id": "firdf10"}, {"question": "A weird and funny coping mechanism that comforts and motivates me: Puppy talk as self-praise!", "description": "I'm extremely afraid of doing something wrong, being devalued, and getting rejected and abandoned by people I care about. When I get really depressed or down, this gets particularly bad because I'll just lie in bed feeling miserable, and then judge myself for feeling miserable. Doing things that are healthy for me (eating meals, doing chores, exercising, leaving the house) feels impossible because I feel like I'm worthless and hopeless. \n\nToday I was in this state. I knew that I should do some chores, make myself food, eat all of the food, and then go out and call one of my friends. But I felt like depression was weighing down my limbs and making it impossible to move. \n\nIt's really hard for me to convince myself that I'm worth something in this state, or to think anything positive by myself. Emotionally, that feels like absolutely not the truth, and I can't really be objective about my value when I'm so depressed and miserable. So rather than trying to tackle the issue of self-love head on, I took a bit of a shortcut with puppy talk. \n\nDogs sometimes refuse to follow orders even if you're telling them to do what's best for them, just like my body and the self-hating part of me does when I'm depressed. Nevertheless, when I see a dog, my first urge is to praise it and be kind to it, no matter what it does. \n\nSo I took up this mentality with myself. I was lying on the floor heavy with depression. I forced myself to get up, and then I said \"Good boy!\" to myself, which felt kind of silly, but also made me feel warm and happy. Then I walked three steps to the kitchen, said \"Good boy!\" to myself again, went to the sink to wash dishes, said \"Good boy!\" again, and so on and so on. I kept doing this, talking myself the way I'd talk to a dog and being nice to myself until I had gotten out the door. \n\nToday went from a \"stay in bed, dissociate, and hate yourself\" day to a \"go out, meet friends, walk around, exercise, and enjoy yourself\" day because I discovered this coping mechanism! Although I get that it might not be for everyone, I hope it helps someone else out there. :)  ", "answer": "I love this :D", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7eetdb", "comment_id": "dq504j1"}, {"question": "Stigma about disorders with therapists; possible difficulties with medication", "description": "Tl;dr at bottom\n\nOne of my goals for when I start attending college in the fall is to start seeing a therapist or someone similar. I've been too scared to talk to my family about my mental health the past few years, so I've been silently suffering. \n\nI took AP psychology this past year, and as part of it, we looked in depth at some mental disorders. While I hate self diagnosing, I do believe that I may fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder. I researched BPD as part of a project in the class, and the more I looked into it, the more it seemed to fit my behavior and actions, especially in the past couple of years. \n\nMy one fear about seeing a therapist about having BPD is that apparently there is a huge stigma around it, even within the world of therapists. I'm afraid that if I am diagnosed with BPD, my therapist will act differently because of my diagnosis. How can I get over my fear of being rejected by a therapist due to a disorder I might not have?\n\nAnother issue that I might have is with medication. If I am diagnosed with BPD, or a piece of it like depression or anxiety, I know that I will probably be told to take medication. As far as I know, medication is administered through pills. I have a very strong gag reflex in the back of my throat, so I have never been able to take pills successfully. Are there any medications that I can take that aren't in a pill form? If not, what is a recommended way to take pills for someone who has difficulty swallowing them?\n\nTl;dr - How can I get over my fear of being rejected by a therapist due to a disorder I might not have? Are there medications that I can take that aren't in a pill form? If not, what is a recommended way to take pills for someone who has difficulty swallowing them?", "answer": "Someone may have already said something like this, but I want to put out there--someone who comes in with full awareness of their BPD symptoms feels very different to many therapists than someone who doesn't. It can be less intimidating if a client were to come in demonstrating awareness of these behavior patterns. What can be so intimidating about BPD is that some people who have it (not all) can direct intense anger at others, which is even more intimidating if the person isn't aware of their patterns. They might get even more angry if the therapist tries to diagnose them with BPD or explain the patterns. \n\n​\n\nHowever, when someone has an awareness, sometimes the therapist feels more comfortable working with the behaviors, because the person is less likely to blow up if the therapist tries to give them feedback, since they're already aware. \n\n​\n\nThere is still, of course, the chance that a therapist might feel intimidated even if someone came in with that already-established awareness. But you wouldn't want to work with that therapist anyway, so at least you'll know it wouldn't be a good fit. :) Hope you find someone you click with!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cbc3h3", "comment_id": "etgh9h0"}, {"question": "Started levothyroxine, heart skipping beats much more frequently", "description": "Male. 26. 195. 5\u20196\u201d. USA. White. Hx of heart skipping beats every now and then. I\u2019ve had several echos, EKGs, and a holter. The skipped beats have been determined to be benign.    \n   \nMy last visit to the PCP in February showed my TSH 16.6 and my T4 in upper 4\u2019s. T3, free t4, uptake, all normal. My thyroglobulin antibodies were 42 and an ultrasound showed thyroiditis without modules or cystic mass.   \n    \nMy endo said let\u2019s wait a month and recheck in case it\u2019s just transient. We rechecked and the TSH went all the way down to 5.6. He didn\u2019t test the T4 or antibodies. I called in to see what the new plan of care is and he had prescribed me levothyroxine 25mcg.  \n    \nI began taking it about 6 days ago and now I\u2019ve noticed my skipped beats are smaller in intensity but much more frequent.      \n    \n1. This drug is usually something one takes for life. But i don\u2019t think I can tolerate this increase in skipped beats for life. They feel like every minute several.    \n    \n2. Doesn\u2019t a drop from 16 to 5 suggest that he was right initially about it being transient? Maybe we needed to wait longer?    \n   \n3. What do you think about the thyroiditis and high antibodies?     \n    \nI had several chem and CBCs done and everything else was normal. I drink no caffeine, drugs, alcohol, smoking. Nothing. ", "answer": "I am not an endocrinologist, but it's worth discussion. a TSH of 5.6 is higher than normal, but not very. It does seem possible that the thyroiditis was still getting better and with a little more time you wouldn't need any treatment.\n\nSkipping beats could be from *hyper*thyroidism, which could happen if you are taking thyroid hormone when actually you are producing enough on your own.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88uv0d", "comment_id": "dwnuvx5"}, {"question": "Will doctors prescribe me narcotics if my dad and grandma suffered from alcoholism?", "description": "So i have serious anxiety & panic episodes and really want benzos but i think my Gp is holding back because my dad abused alcohol and so did his mother. Does this actually happen?", "answer": "I would avoid getting psych prescriptions from a GP. Instead, it would be wiser and healthier for you to see a psychiatrist if at all possible. They have training in those types of medications and are much more qualified to prescribe appropriate medications.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1f66n5", "comment_id": "ca7ekwb"}, {"question": "Second cousin 14 year old", "description": "Yea, typing the title makes me feel weird. But everything else about her is attractive to me. She's taller than I am and I'm 20 years old and \n 5'7\". We had a great time together playing apples to apples and talking with our folks at dinner. The whole afternoon she seemed fascinated in what I had to say. She has an almost aristocratical air about her. She is studying Latin and French with English. She's from a very wealth home. I learned all this yesterday afternoon. \n\nAs the fun slowed down, I made sure to get her alone upstairs. We were watching Sherlock on a couch when I put my arm around her. I kissed her on the cheek, figuring she would know for sure my intentions. I made sure not to do more in case she felt weird... \n\nShe went downstairs suddenly. Said she \"should probably\" go do that. She had told me a little earlier she had to go to bed in 30 Minutes. It had been about 1 minute. \n\nThe next day, I was alone in the house while the family went to a tennis game. I overslept. Up all night.\n\nAm I mad that she walked away? Did she just feel uncomfortable? She leaves tomorrow. \nI am not looking at myself very fondly right now, whatever the answer is. We haven't spoken since she last night. Could use advise/encouragement. I wish she haddnt left... but maybe it was for the best in a weird way. \n\n", "answer": "unless you live outside the US, she is below the age of consent. and maybe where you live too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74zmal", "comment_id": "do2dd6w"}, {"question": "How to differentiate between anxiety attack and pulmonary embolism?", "description": "Hey I'm an 18 year old 5'11, 135 pound Caucasian male with asthma and exema, allergies, pcs, anxiety and neck issues.\n\nI recently accidentally came across a group of doctors who were discussing pulmonary embolisms and the symptoms sounded very similar to an anxiety attack/anxiety disorder especially when they said a common symptom of PE is a feeling of empending doom and the feeling like you are certainly going to die. This is something I experience often also with my anxiety disorder as well as other symptoms such as strange feelings of pressure and pain in my chest, weird heart rhythm, and a bunch of other things.\n\nAnyway a lot of my symptoms match with those of a pulmonary embolism so I'm wondering how one can differentiate the two?", "answer": "A feeling of impending doom is more classic for heart attack (and, of course, panic attack) than for PE. The most common symptoms of PE are shortness of breath, rapid breathing, and chest pain, probably in about that order.\n\nMost importantly, PEs are rare out of nowhere. If you have no risk factors for it, those symptoms are almost certainly not a PE. Risk factors would be cancer, being immobile/bedbound for a long time, or having a history of PE or DVTs.\n\nWithout those, as a young and otherwise reasonably healthy person, *especially* with reason to have similar symptoms (panic), it's probably not a PE.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ajws8", "comment_id": "dwz98dj"}, {"question": "I am human.", "description": "I asked on here what a good sober date night would be without having kids for a night. And a few awesome people gave me ideas. I stopped drinking September 27th. Which was one day before a NF concert I went to with my best friend who has been sober for 2 years. Crazy thing is, her and I became friends 13 years ago when we snorted a vicodin together the first night we met...obviously not knowing we'd become best friends through our using days and eventually when we both went to rehab at certain points in our lives. The night we went to the concert, she had 2 years under her belt and I had 1 day. My sobriety lasted 22 days before I relapsed. I had every intention on doing a puzzle with husband tonight while sipping some tea and being proud of myself. But it didnt happen. We went to the casino because it was me who said, \"lets go do something! We stay at home every night of our lives, we have no kids tonight.\" I dont like to gamble but I thought I'd take one for team (aka my amazing husband who can gamble without drinking & stop after losing 40 bucks) and try the slots. Wow i was winning and it was fun. I stayed away from the bar..easy peasy. Then a waitress came and asked if she could get me a drink. Michelob Ultra I replied. I drank it...followed by a few more. I'm sitting here typing this, slightly buzzed after 5 drinks and I'm not going to beat myself up. If I do, I know its going to follow with more drinking and depression. I messed up. But out of 23 days, I had some drinks ONE night. Which is my best streak I've ever had in over 2 years when I was drinking a 12 pack EVERY night. And 3 years ago, I was popping 12 vicodin every night on top of it. Tonight.....I'm proud of myself. I'm human and I'm going to mess up sometimes. I'm getting back on the sober train starting now. Thanks for letting me vent and sharing\u2661", "answer": "Absolutely don\u2019t beat yourself up! One night of drinking out of 23 is phenomenal. Welcome back onboard!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dkft6t", "comment_id": "f4g0aqj"}, {"question": "Let's be friends", "description": "Hello, this is my first time posting here; I've been lurking for a few weeks.  I've noticed a trend--that I myself am also experiencing--of folks that feel like it's harder to connect with others and start up friendships.  \n\nI'd like to propose a sort of e-penpals 'project.' Anyone that is interested in sparking up a friendship or 'practicing' getting to know someone could comment on this thread (or even a separate subreddit?) and we could pair up or even do a sort of group chat thing.\n\nIf this is something we already do, please let me know and I'd love to join! \n\nA few ideas/examples of ways to 'pair' up:\n- Age \n\n- Gender (if you're more comfortable opening up to someone based on this criteria)\n\n- Location (allows potential for meeting up IRL if both parties feel comfortable)\n\n- Type of depression/coexisting issues (For example, I also have ADD and AvPD)\n\n- Hobbies\n\n- Randomly\n\n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "I love this idea. I met my best friend, now boyfriend through Reddit because I posted something about looking for a friend. Hopefully this helps other people.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6ehxjd", "comment_id": "diafisp"}, {"question": "I'm a 40 year old guy and I really want to get my belly button pierced.", "description": "But I'm too embarrassed.  Embarrassed at the thought of people I know finding out somehow.  Embarrassed at the thought of going in and telling them what I'm there for.  I've always liked to think that I don't care what people think, but apparently that isn't the case.  And that's a bummer.", "answer": "You only get one life and a belly button piercing is a harmless way to express yourself and be a little rebellious! I say go for it!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "burxdb", "comment_id": "ephl05v"}, {"question": "Physician acted inappropriate and made me uncomfortable", "description": "This happened in Illinois. I have suffered from migraines and was referred to a neurologist. I am a 26 year old female, and doctor was fairly young (maybe low to mid 30s). During the visit, it felt like he was coming on very strong to me. He kept complimenting my looks, telling me how amazing I am, how good my body looks, etc. I am a stay at home mom right now with a toddler. The whole visit was extremely flirtatious and made me uncomfortable. I never once said anything like \"thank you\" because of how weird and uncomfortable it was. When I would change the subject or ignore the complement, he would almost act as if he had been rejected.\n\n​\n\n\nThe worst part was when he asked me if I would be interested in a more 'natural' treatment approach to migraines. He said that orgasms can help reduce migraines, and kept following up asking me about how often my husband and I have sex, telling me I could 'take care of myself' since I stay home, etc. He even said \"..I know some women aren't able to have orgasms, are you able to?\"\n\n​\n\n\n\nObviously I won't be going back to see him again, but I am curious if he technically did something wrong in this situation. He never touched me, or anything physical. I just feel like this type of behavior shouldn't be allowed, but when it is just his word vs. mine, there isn't much I can do now. I did some light research of my own after the visit, and it doesn't seem like orgasms are really a medically recognized treatment, so I feel that he might have overstepped by recommending that option? The situation seemed inappropriate to me based on the power dynamics of a patient - physician relationship, but I don't know if he technically did something wrong here.\n\n​\n\n\nI checked with the state board and his license is active. Couldn't find anything online that would indicate he has a record, or something like this has happened before. Do I just let it go? Obviously all the upstanding docs here on r/AskDocs wouldn't condone this type of behavior... but is this a gray area? \n\n\nRequired Info:\n\n\\- 26 years old\n\n\\-female\n\n\\- 5'-4\"\n\n\\- 115lbs\n\n\\- Caucasian \n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m a physician. He was completely inappropriate. Please report him so that he won\u2019t be able to do this to others. I\u2019m sorry he did this to you!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ys3zi", "comment_id": "ea3n7w8"}, {"question": "I'm a 22 year old guy and my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years is getting boring.", "description": "I'm in a really weird situation right now.  My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and I am getting really bored of our relationship.  We hardly ever go out anymore, and despite my best efforts, we are becoming huge shut-ins.  I am a really outgoing and socially motivated person, and when we started dating she was too.  However, in the past year and a half, she has been focusing more on school than anything else in her life.  She is really excelling, and I am proud of her, but I feel really neglected by her.  However, I feel like she really needs me as a motivating and emotionally supportive force in her life.  She craves that I give her praise when she does well in school (and I do not use the word crave in a hyperbolic way, as she derives extreme pleasure from it) and that I am there to comfort her when things go awry.  I also feel that she likes having me around so that she doesn't feel lonely.  \n\nAlso, our sex-life has taken a huge step backwards.  I am a very sexual person and she knew this when we started dating.  At first the sex was good, and was getting progressively more adventurous and pleasurable.  But now it feels like we have hit quick sand.  Sex basically consists of me giving her oral sex and then me giving it to her missionary style.  I might get her to go on top if I'm lucky, but that is the farthest extent.  As a result, lately I have had a few thoughts of infidelity.  Not to be conceited, but I am an attractive guy and I garner a lot of female sexual attention when I go out, and that is something that I really want in my life, and I am very tempted to act on it... that being said, I will not give into infidelity, that is just not right for me.\n\nThere is a part of me that feels things have just gotten too stagnate, and that maybe ending things is the way to go, but she was a really rare find.  She is smart, pretty and funny, and we can work VERY well together.  And I have had a lot of experience with other women which  always leads to me getting really sick of them very quickly.  \n\nI don't know what to do, and I feel like if I leave my girlfriend it will destroy her, and that the grass will not really be greener on the other side.", "answer": "It's possible she is very dependent on you and it's draining your relationship. Its also possible that there's a codependent aspect to your relationship: the craving attention from you to boost her ego, using you to assuage your loneliness, you need to comfort her when things go awry; these are all signs of codependency. It's possible that's what causing the shut-in-ness. It's worth checking out at least. \n\nOr, she's just being really fucking selfish and asking you to attend to all her needs and not attending to any of yours. I would have a serious talk with her about your needs and desires. \n\nAlso, dude. You're attractive and 22. You have years to find a wonderful girl, and they are certainly out there. If you're not happy, and asking for what you need doesn't change anything, or you two can't compromise, leaving is probably the best answer. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1d50sr", "comment_id": "c9mycty"}, {"question": "Questions about planning and intervention", "description": "I am planning an intervention for a friend who is having some trouble with alcohol and coke. We are keeping the group small but as we have never been involved in one, have run into some questions. If anyone works in the substance abuse field or has been a part of an intervention before, I would appreciate the insight.\n-Do we need to hire a facilitator? If so, how would we go about doing so? -We are trying to decide if we should involve our friend's parents or not. They are pretty traditional, and honestly they are a bit of a wild card. We aren't sure how they would react..if they would be emotional and supportive or angry and attacking. We were thinking about giving him the chance to make some progress in his healing before involving them and telling him that if it gets any worse, we would have to let them know what is going on. Any thoughts on this? -How long should we allot for this? We are planning to do it right before a local AA meeting and then someone will accompany him to the meeting. We are thinking about two hours. -Are there any things we should definitely say/things we should avoid saying? It is hard for me to imagine the vibe of this whole thing.\nAny other advice you redditors can give would be super helpful. We are hoping this is effective and feel like the more prepared we are, the better chance we have of helping our friend.", "answer": "I appreciate your willingness to help your friend.  From a treatment provider's perspective, the prime factor in determining whether or not something like this would be effective is readiness.  Is your friend ready to make a change?  Is your friend motivated to change?  Or perhaps your friend has no intention or desire to change, and this is an attempt to convince him that he needs to change.\n\nNot to discourage your efforts, but I haven't heard any convincing evidence that interventions like this are effective; at least in the long run.  Having a single event/intervention will not likely be enough; your friend needs ongoing, persistent, and very very supportive encouragement if he is to make any long-lasting change.\n\nRegarding how to approach something like this, I would say to avoid blaming, conflict, arguing, anger, shaming; all these things breed despair and only serve to feed addiction.  Do provide compassion, support, love, hope, concern, optimism; these things welcome growth.\n\nI hope this helps.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "130y4o", "comment_id": "c714trw"}, {"question": "What does \u201cnormal sinus rhythm with sinus arrhythmia\u201d mean on a 12 lead EKG test? (24F)", "description": "UPDATE: thank you for the input, it was actually really helpful when I had questions for my next doctors visit. As of now my primary care doctor believes it\u2019s Lyme Disease but decided to test my blood for some other things that I can\u2019t remember after I came in with new symptoms (pain in other body parts including the chest back and legs, muscle spasms, odd cold sensations in random spots). The immunoblot test didn\u2019t meet the criteria for a positive but 4 out of the 5 bands required for a positive were present so he suspects that it might be early stage. I have a follow up in a few weeks after taking some antibiotics I feel better than a few days ago.\n\n\n\n\nBackground\n\nAge: 24\nSex: female\nHeight: 5ft5\nWeight: around 135\nEthnicity: white, Ashkenazi Jewish\n\n\nI went to the ER with heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, shakiness, sudden intense nausea, and had pain in my arms, particularly the left, two days before being admitted. When I checked my pulse my heart rate was really fast before leaving my house to go to the hospital, but by the time I got there it had slowed down and I was told it was normal. Chest X-ray showed nothing, ER doctor suspected something was wrong with my neck for some reason. Went to my GP after being discharged because he was unable to meet me at the hospital and realized that the hospital never checked my blood sugar, so he has me draw blood in the lab and then has me do a neck X-ray. Neck X-ray turned out normal, still waiting on blood test results. The only thing so far that shows that anything is abnormal is the 12 lead EKG test.\n\nI am home but without feeling much better and the anxiety over not understanding any of what\u2019s going on isn\u2019t helping", "answer": "Normal sinus rhythm does mean without arrhythmia. But it can be normal sinus rhythm with respiratory sinus arrhythmia, which is normal changes with inhalation and exhalation. Another possibility is sinus tachycardia, which is simply a fast heart rate. That can be due to exercise, pain, or anxiety, as well many other causes, many benign, some not.\n\nIf the 12-lead EKG gave an automatic abnormal read but the doctor cleared it, it's likely that it was a normal EKG. The automatic read is deliberately set to recognize problems where there are none (rather than miss any potential problem) and it's actually quite common to get garbage readings out of it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw9f5y", "comment_id": "ey9qatj"}, {"question": "I started taking Cymbalta 3 days ago and experienced some fairly awful side effects so I'm quitting tomorrow. No possibility for withdrawal?", "description": "Hello! \n\nAs per the title I started taking Cymbalta about 3 days ago but it gave me some side effects I couldn't quite stick out (elevated heart rate, worse anxiety, and chills) so I decided to drop off of it. I called my pharmacists and they said I shouldn't have any issues after three days, however, I wanted to get some other opinions here. I've heard some stories about this drug (which I didn't look into until after taking it, sigh) where people have had intense withdrawal systems some people claiming only after taking it for a week or less. \n\nI'm inclined to think those are a bit on the dramatic side, has anyone had experience with this drug? I can't imagine after only 4 days I will experience the dire effects people who've taken it long term have, however, based on the stories of others should I expect anything? \n\nThank you! ", "answer": "You shouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms after just 3 days.\n\nWhat's it being prescribed for, and what meds have you been on previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d5l0", "comment_id": "d8148ag"}, {"question": "My SO gives me the silent treatment if I bring up an issue in our relationship, I end up apologising and it never gets resolved.", "description": "How do I move past this? its happened more times than I can count now. I approach the subject at hand in a calm and tactful manner (truthfully) but it doesn't seem to matter how carefully I tread, he switches off and he becomes unreachable. He finally gets back to me, sometimes after days, and we never talk about it. I guess after hes silent for that long, I begin to feel relieved he wants to talk again. \nHelp?", "answer": "VERY unhealthy dynamic. go to counseling or end it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74uoqe", "comment_id": "do197j3"}, {"question": "should i (medical assistant) get tested for COVID-19?", "description": "Hi! I [23F] Am a medical assistant at an urgent care center and primary care, so we\u2019ve been getting a lot of sick patients especially in the last few weeks come in with complaints of cough, fever, aches, and even some that have admitted travel (even though we have a sign saying we don\u2019t have the necessary tests for COVID-19). My question is, should I be tested for this virus as I have spoken to these patients very closely and taken their vitals before they admitted to traveler (one patient traveled from Seattle a few days prior to him being at the clinic) fever of 100.1, cough, flu-like symptoms and tested negative for the flu... my facility did NOT take the right precautions or care for us - as we did not even have the proper masks at the time and the manager, when informed about the patient from the nurses that we should send him out, did not care and said that Seattle wasn\u2019t an at risk place and that we could see him (and take his money) ... we\u2019ve had a lot of other cases of patients that made it back to triage that have traveled and have the symptoms. \n\nI have been coughing (moreso productive) and feeling fatigued. I know most patients can be asymptomatic not to mention I had a viral infection (common cold most likely my LY were high) last week so I\u2019m pretty worried now and that man I mentioned wasn\u2019t the only patient that\u2019s come in with a cough and fever and had traveled that i\u2019ve been face to face with in triaging. \n\nShould I get tested or wait for my symptoms to get worse and a rise in temp? (I also have been going to work bc i simply cannot take off). \n\nID REALLY APPRECIATE ANY COMMENTS AND ADVICE ANOUT THIS. As my coworkers and I are lost and our management is very nonchalant about this situation. Very disappointing.", "answer": "Check with your state health department for recommendations on testing in your state: https://www.cdc.gov/publichealthgateway/healthdirectories/healthdepartments.html", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fiuv6y", "comment_id": "fkjjlxr"}, {"question": "I'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "She is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. I don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. If it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). Have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them.  if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate.  otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "ddlewf6"}, {"question": "why is a shameful thing?", "description": "I am struggling with something...why do you think it is a shameful thing to be a NON drinker? I'd like to think I am not ashamed, yet I fear what people might think when I let them know I do not drink. So, that is shame. Shouldn't I be proud to be healthy and taking care of myself? In the world I live in-one full of yoga, eating pretty green, sunshine and happiness-I am still apprehensive about who I tell that I don't drink. I even qualify it with \"for now\" as if that lessens the dirtiness of not drinking. ", "answer": "I initially felt a lot of judgement around my not-drinking-ness. I also totally used to qualify it with \"for now\". I think part of the reason I experienced a lot of shame and judgement is that people I hung out with drank like I did and were used to me participating in the fun. I also did a lot of hiding the pain I experienced as a result of drinking. So when I stopped the people I normally drank with were confused by the abrupt change to our relational dynamics. \n\nWhat is worse is that I carried that initial shaming and judgement forward into my sobriety and created this narrative for myself that the quality of not-drinking-ness was shameful and something that would incur judgement. I can honestly say now that that narrative does not hold up to reality. It doesn't even hold up in the little contact with my old fried group. \n\nYou are experiencing change and subsequently so are your friends. Give them time to learn the new dynamics of the relationship and recognize that the shame comes from an external place of confusion and fear rather than because it is actually indeed shameful. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vzjw8", "comment_id": "de677cv"}, {"question": "I'm not sure if this is an asperger's problem, but i can't work on more than one thing in my life.", "description": "Most people can do multiple things a day like having a job, having hobbies and doing sports, but i can't. I work 11 hours a week and i try to finish school and i want to make music and do sports, but that doesn't work for me. When i work for 5 hours in the morning i can't do anything else in the afternoon. On the days i study i can't make music or  go running, because i can only focus on one area of my life. I can't even do normal chores on days where i have something else to do and it seems impossible to have a life because of it.\n\nDo you know if this is a problem due to asperger's syndrom and if autism-therapy could help with that?", "answer": "I have a feeling psychotherapy would have a limited effect. I would focus more on A) being kind to yourself, B) pacing youself, and C) getting creative to find ways to do more than one thing. Maybe you need a nap every day. Maybe you can\u2019t do a second task that requires concentration, but you can do something mindless/repetitive that is still useful.  Maybe certain tasks are easier to do with a sharp mind, and others don\u2019t require it so much.  \n\nLike, I could never read a book in the afternoon, but I could noodle around on my guitar for hours.  \n\nOr, I bathe at night, because I don\u2019t need energy or focus to do it. If I did it in the morning, it would take up energy I need for something else.  \n\nI also choose low stress activity when possible.  Like I take a bath instead of a shower because it literally saves energy if I don\u2019t have to stand up.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i7aijs", "comment_id": "g1223pz"}, {"question": "Is there a difference between being an alcoholic vs an alcoholic of the hopeless variety?", "description": "Full-Blown Alcoholics\nIn the book \"Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book\" alcoholism is referred to several times as \"a hopeless condition of mind and body.\"\n\nThis is not referring to someone who simply has a drinking problem, or on occasion drinks too much, or someone who has developed a mild alcohol use disorder.\n\nIt refers to people who are full-blown alcoholics, described by Dr. William D. Silkworth in the Big Book:\n\n\"All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.\"\n\nI wish there was more distinction on how they are classified. Is a non hopeless alcoholic just a heavy drinker? Is it someone who will become a hopeless alcoholic? If the alcoholic quits drinking before they become hopeless do they \"need\" AA?\n\nSo many questions.", "answer": "Dr. George Vaillant of Harvard University was a recognized expert on alcoholism was invited to join AA\u2019s board of trustees as a nonalcoholic member. He was interviewed in AA\u2019s Grapevine in the May 2000 issue. In in he said that most Alcoholics who recover from alcoholism do so without the help of AA or any other treatment. He said that they accomplish what AA\u2019s do by other means, he said they achieve a profound change in personality.  I\u2019m sober 41 years and I know people who stop drinking on their own and lead useful and happy lives. I couldn\u2019t do it on my own. I think that\u2019s the difference. If you want to join us, you\u2019re free to call yourself a member of AA when you say that you are one of us. Hope is one of our guiding principles. If you feel hopeless, we are offering you hope for a complete recovery and a wonderful way of life.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fxixyh", "comment_id": "fmvogl7"}, {"question": "How do you overcome trust issues?", "description": "What can I do about my trust issues? I came out of a relationship where I (think I did) nought wrong and got cheated on by her with her best friend at the time. Current gf is going out clubbing tonight with a couple and a single guy. The guy (her best guy friend) has been interested in her before but years ago. I see red flags basically where there is no cause for alarm this time around. What do I do? I am deeply in love with this girl and can see myself spending the rest of my life with her so long as I get over my trust issues... \n\nTl;dr: Girlfriend going out with a friend who was interested in her. I see red flags, I probably shouldn't... how do I get rid of them?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nb6ay", "comment_id": "dk86kxn"}, {"question": "I don't wanna be needy/clingy emotional and pitiful", "description": "I am addicted to others' interests and praises, I also very sad and insignificant that's why I am playing the victim usually, all I want to be normal but always seeking people's attention. Why should I be like this? Shall I wait by death to be different? I want to be strong like others, I want to stand on my feet alone and endure to all hardships and deprivations of life. But all I have done is doing what other people like, acting like what if I say they like me much. I am a complete idiot I knew. thx for every kind of advice redditors", "answer": "It will be tough, but it's important to take some time to reflect on yourself. Who are you? What's important to you? How do you define yourself? Are you able to define yourself outside of your relations to others? \n\nHere's some thought exercises: Can you name one event in your life (or activity that you have done) where you didn't care about what others would think of you while you did it? Give yourself some time to think about it. The things you do that don't involve anyone else's opinion, those are things you do for YOU and are unique to your identity. If you truly can't think of any moment, event, decision or interest - now is the time to explore and gain some new experiences and interests. Think about what could be improved in your life - some way that YOU could look on your own life and feel that it is better - not better by someone else's standards, but better for YOU so that YOU feel more happy and satisfied with life.\n\nI don't know you but I'm guessing you are relatively young still, and maybe you just haven't experienced enough yet to really define yourself in great detail. That's fine and normal! Youth is all about finding your identity and figuring out your direction in life. Know that YOU are ultimately in control in all your situations. Even when you do something because of how it makes you look or make a choice based on what others think... know that it is still YOUR choice, and you have the power to make a different choice at any time even if it is scary or unfamiliar.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eaas0r", "comment_id": "faozplb"}, {"question": "Intense emotions", "description": "I'm currently on a journey to find my mental stability. But everyday, this journey seems to get more and more difficult. Today, for instance, I felt such intense emotions, I just went from upset crying, to panic, to full blown rage. Screaming fits, irrational thoughts, and all. Does anyone else feel this way? I can't stop the rage sometimes when it comes on and it can last for hours. I can rant and ruminate on a thought for hours, sometimes even days. I am on an antidepressant and anxiety medication but sometimes I feel like like it doesn't truly help me feel less anxious or depressed. Just wanting to hear if there are others out there feeling this way and if so what do you guys do to make yourselves feel better? ", "answer": "Part of what helped me was acceptance that I'm still gonna cycle no matter what and that it was okay. I wasn't falling apart, rather there was some sort of weird balance there that kept me afloat as long as I have enough self care on the hard days. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ftbcj", "comment_id": "ctrx1lk"}, {"question": "Unrealistic expectations.", "description": "Having an outcome today that is not what I had hoped for.   \nNot getting what I want.    \nWhen I want it.   \nOn the silver platter I secretly crave/think I somehow deserve.   \nServed by naked handmaidens....   \n(Am I an addict or what?)\n\nTruth is this is not a big thing, really quite minor, my glass is still 95% full, and I am aware of my feelings and am not letting this get to me.  One way of doing that is telling on myself.\n\nThey say expectations are resentments waiting to hatch.   Not this time.", "answer": "My expectations are soon to become my frustrations. We had this topic Wednesday night at the homegroup on not getting the outcomes you want or expect. I know you're an AA guy as well so you can definitely find comfort in the fact that your higher power has the right thing in store for your future. Just gotta strap in for the ride of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hp9vn", "comment_id": "cawjne0"}, {"question": "How do I get myself out there looking for a job?", "description": "I recently failed my big final year of university due to SA and now I am having to try and look for a job. How does someone with severe SA diagnosed by a doctor go about looking for a job.", "answer": "The same way anyone else does.  Everyone has anxiety and most people experience a fair amount when looking for/applying to/interviewing for jobs.  The worse your anxiety is, the harder it is to push through, but if you want or need a job then it's something you have to do.  \n\nLooking for jobs in a way that's going to increase your chances of being successful are really going to push your limits but be good for you as you'll be forced to expose yourself to a ton of anxiety producing situations.  \n\nBest thing to do is to go around to or call around to as many companies you can that may be hiring in the field you want to work in and ask if they have any job openings, ask questions about the jobs, and find out what the application process is like.  \n\nSocial anxiety no matter how severe, is only as debilitating as you allow it to be.  That doesn't mean you get to choose whether you're terrified or not.  It just means that when you're terrified, you make the choice of whether you push on, run back, or stay stuck.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9yfnri", "comment_id": "ea1hr06"}, {"question": "Ongoing Double Vision- Anxiety Related? Brain Cancer? Death Imminent? [LONG]", "description": "Age- 22\nSex- M\nHeight- 5'9\" (175cm)\nWeight 200lbs (91kg)\nRace- Multiracial\nDuration of complaint- 1 Year\nLocation (Geographic and on body)- Eastern U.S, Eyes/ Head\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any)- Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder\nCurrent medications (if any)- None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)- None\n\nHey Internet,\n\nFirst off, I'll concede fully that I know getting medical help over the internet isn't necessarily a good idea and that I should probably just go to a doctor but I'm afraid of what they'll tell me.\n\nSometime last year, I noticed I was having double vision. I was hungover, typing something, and it didn't go away. I more or less spent the next month constantly panicked, worried I'd developed some kind of neurological disease. I eventually went to the best neuro opthalmologist in my state (Last February), and his words fell along the lines of \"I can't see anything wrong with your eyes.\" What the fuck does he know, right?\n\nAnyways, it never really went away and I'm sweating in my desk at work now certain I have glioblastoma or something and I'll fall dead on the train tracks before I get squished into meat paste. Within the past week or so, the \"ghost image\" I've been seeing feels like its translating to stuff I touch- like two pieces of gum next to each other in my mouth or two thumbs on my phone when I'm scrolling. Like there's two of my body next to each other.\n\nAlso my eyes are really dry, and my right eye twitches often.\n\nI have a lot of stressors/ work tasks I can't really move around so if this is anxiety gone wild idfk how I'll deal with it.\n\nHelp a brother out, I guess?", "answer": "Did you have an MRI done? CT?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "asb02e", "comment_id": "egsy183"}, {"question": "Shame and embarrassment", "description": "I have done so many humiliating things because of my addiction to alcohol. I\u2019m struggling with the shame from these and afraid of the depths I have put myself in. I don\u2019t trust myself...\nI want to do better but these memories are haunting me. I\u2019m so ashamed of what I have become...I have let people down who deserve better, I have embarrassed myself so much. \nI really don\u2019t like what I have become and feel like disappearing. How do I live with myself after all this...\nI don\u2019t know where else to reach out to ask how to cope with these feelings. ", "answer": "It sounds like going go an aa meeting, finding a sponsor, and beginning the 12 steps would really help with all of these issues...seriously,  what you're going through is so common. About every one of us has experienced exactly what you're experiencing right now. You have an addiction... These are the side effects. Start by going and hitting as many different meetings as you can.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "b3luvo", "comment_id": "ej0m1vm"}, {"question": "I have severe social anxiety. I really need a step by step for a doctors visit.", "description": "I (19F) want to visit a doctor for STD testing, I also want to see someone about my irregular periods. Separate visits, I\u2019m sure. (Which should I do first, if it matters?)\n\nI\u2019ll be going alone, more than likely, and I want to know exactly what I should be saying. If I should call or go in to set up an appointment, the vernacular I should use, what will actually go down when I get in there, etc.\n\nI feel pathetic but anxiety really is no joke. I can\u2019t allow it to prevent me from caring for my health so I want to prepare best I can to ease my nerves.", "answer": "The best plan is to write down each issue you want addressed and any questions you may have for the doctor. Keep it on you and read off the sheet, or if you are super overwhelmed hand the questions over to the doc. They\u2019ll take care of the rest.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hdazxo", "comment_id": "fvk4dx3"}, {"question": "Anyone talks about how their life is so gifted but they still want to kill themselves?", "description": "I won't say my life is very gifted but I don't have financial problems. I think I am more intelligent than most other people. I have a satisfactory job and my career prospect seems to be reasonably promising. I have dated and had sex with some good girls although also with bad girls and I don't have any girlfriends now.\n\nBut I don't feel any sense of accomplishments. All my accomplishments are just facts and honestly my accomplishments aren't really distinctive when compared with other better people. I understand it's meaningless to compare but I feel also meaningless to anything I have done and planned to do. The voice inside is always, 'So What?'. I am empty even though my stomach, my body and my life is full.", "answer": "I\u2019m a doctor. Make good money. Live in a nice house. Married. I\u2019m intelligent. I\u2019m funny. I\u2019m quirky. \n\nAnd here I am.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "e9xvcd", "comment_id": "fapbua4"}, {"question": "People hating on therapists", "description": "I\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. I\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist I used to go to. But since getting on Reddit I see a lot of negativity towards therapists.\nI get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but I feel like I see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub. \nIt\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. I genuinely want to help people because I know what it feels like and I hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity I see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "People turn to the internet to complain about the people in their lives because THEY RAN EVERYONE AWAY WITH THEIR TOXIC PERSONALITY TRAITS AND DON\"T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TALK TO!! It had to be said. lol ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "ec2pa3u"}, {"question": "MMPI-2-RF", "description": "Does anyone have the link for the original MMPI-2-RF test? I have seen some posts about it on Reddit but the links are broken since they were posted like 2 years ago. Thanks.", "answer": "MMPI2 is over 300 questions long and does not inherently tell you anything without an interpretation done by a trained professional. It is heavily copywritten and it will be hard to find a hard PDF copy. \n\nYou can't even really order the test without proper credentials. What is it you are looking to know?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "enqs4f", "comment_id": "fe4azrj"}, {"question": "I don't remember my dreams.. Is there anyway to help my memory ?", "description": "I never remember my dreams - when I say never, I really mean it... I very rarely remember I have been dreaming, but I can never recollect the content of the dream. \n\nIs there any trick that could help me better remember what goes on in my mind during my sleep ?", "answer": "Its better that way, it means youre getting good quality of sleep.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5fokr9", "comment_id": "damg0qd"}, {"question": "Any Recommendations Would Be Greatly Appreciated", "description": "Hello!  I was wondering if any fellow strugglers might have discovered good coping mechanisms they would be willing to share?  As soon as the sun sets, my anxiety increases.  Right before bed, I am very anxious and wake up multiple times throughout the night, sometimes with panic attacks.  Usually listening to music helps but it's been going on for several months now and I am so tired.  As soon as the sun rises, I sleep like crazy but then I sleep some of my day away.... Has anyone else struggled with this and found something that helps them get good, uninterrupted sleep???  Thank you so much :)", "answer": "If you aren't heavily exercising 4-5 times a week it's the #1 thing to decrease sleep problems like that. It needs to be serious exercise like a whole, regulation game of basketball or an hour of swimming or 25km on a bike. Going to the gym won't cut it if you don't really work yourself silly. \n\nAlso a worry journal, sleeping with someone and meditative practice can help", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "fdozli", "comment_id": "fjj2mu3"}, {"question": "Did I (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was I sexually assaulted?", "description": "My boyfriend (17/m) and I had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. There was nothing about him I disliked and I really enjoyed being in this relationship with him. \n\nI went to a party with a group of friends, thinking I knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so I was in a safe space. This resulted in me drinking way more than I could handle (which is completely my fault, I didn't know my limits and I take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. A guy I went to school with when I was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. I don't really remember anything else from the night. Two of my friends and I left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I'd ever had, and was sick all morning. One of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy I mentioned earlier. I was so shocked, especially because I genuinely had no memory of it, and I was absolutely against cheating. I asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but I didn't respond to her when she asked what I was doing. Another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak. \n\nI told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because I was so scared of what his reaction would be. He ended up dumping me, saying that I had cheated on him and that I 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. I explained to him that I had no memory of it, that I didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state I was in, and that I was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. I'm so upset, because I don't see this as me cheating on him, I see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. He's now gone and told his friends that I cheated on him, which has spread around my school. Is he correct in saying that I'm to blame? I know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'? \n\ntl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did I get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse--  it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "dd6qtxx"}, {"question": "Am I getting scammed?", "description": "I'm almost 30 and have been alone most of my life. Recently got signed up with match.con and sent a couple messages. One day this woman from Philly \"likes\" one of my pictures, but match.com charges to read and send messages. I go to her profile and it says she doesn't have any premium subscription, and to just send a letter to her gmail. Against my better judgment, I did. Turns out she is not in Philly, she is Lesosibirsk, Russia. Seemed like a scam at first, but we've just been emailing back and forth a few weeks. She's sent numerous photos of herself, her mother, her father who was killed in Afghanistan in 87, and has stories of college, work , and growing up in a mid sized Siberian town. I told her I was worried it was a scam and she didn't seem defensive about it, she just said she had no intention of asking for money. The letters seem to be computer translated, there are a number of words that don't translate perfectly, but the meaning and context come through well enough. She talks about finding lI've and what not, and says she thinks I'm friendly and have things in common. Also, she's absolutely one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. So, am in the process of getting scammed?", "answer": "There are a handful of options here:\n\n1. Total scam in that this person doesn't exist and eventually you'll be asked for money or something else\n\n2. She exists but the pics or story are fake, catfishing for some other reason (she's not as attractive, her real life story isn't as great, etc).\n\n3. That's her, but she's mostly interested in getting a green card moreso than you as a person\n\n4. She's a nice Russian girl who'd like to find a nice U.S. guy for legit reasons\n\nThat's what I could think of, maybe there are others. If you're interested in her, I think all you can do is continue to get to know her to figure out what's going on. Trust but verify?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "440url", "comment_id": "czmh8z8"}, {"question": "How can I find out if I have cyclothymia?", "description": "I'm a 16 year old male teenager who suffered from atypical autism in early childhood. With the help from my family, psychologist and high IQ(I'm not bragging here), I guess I don't have it anymore. I am sometimes socially awkward though.\n\nI sometimes feel really happy, confident and energetic, but this doesn't last forever. On the next day, I may feel hopeless, guilty, sad and unmotivated but I also feel spoiled because I don't really have a reason to be sad, which makes me feel even more guilty. I made some research and found out my symptoms match with cyclothymia. I don't know if I really have a condition or I'm just trying to turn myself into a special snowflake. Should I talk to my psychologist about my concerns or am I just being edgy?\n\nOther things:\n\n178 cm height\n\n81 kg weight\n\nI smoke 5-10 cigarettes a day and sometimes drink (though usually not binge).\n\nI also spend money a lot, I really don't know how or why.", "answer": "Nothing wrong to ask your psychologist, who knows you much better than we will. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75yco9", "comment_id": "do9w6s2"}, {"question": "Hepatitis results - what does it mean?", "description": "Female\n\n5'7\n\n220 pounds\n\nCaucasian Canadian  \n\n\n​\n\nI recently went in to get STI/STD testing. The following results came back and I'm waiting for the clinic to open to go talk to someone perhaps but hoping for a little insight to avoid worrying.  \n\n\n**Hepatitis B Immunity -** Hepatitis B Surface Ab \\[HBsAb\\]   \n**Results: 6.4**  \n\n\n**Hepatitis B -** Hepatitis B Surface Ag \\[HBsAg\\]   \n**Results: NOT DETECTED**  \n\n\n**Hepatitis C -** Hepatitis C Ab  \n**Results: NOT DETECTED**  \n\n\nDoes this means I don't have it, but am immune to it? I've been trying to look up what the 6.4 means but haven't been having much luck in fully understanding.   \n\n\nThanks! :)  \n", "answer": "HbSAb indicates immunity, usually from immunization. A level of 6.4 is not a strong indicator of immunity, though. It might be worth rechecking and possibly re-vaccinating.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pj1jo", "comment_id": "e821y99"}, {"question": "My crush just confessed his love to me...", "description": "...and I feel terrible about luring him into my mental problems and I feel terrible about not feeling happy for myself right now and rather wishing he didn't do it and that he would hate me instead.\n\nI'll probably end up rejecting him to make things easier on him and myself in the long run and then will regret it to a degree, but not enough to make a different choice right now. I just find myself incapable of accepting or pursuing happiness, because I know I'll be the reason for it to be ruined and being even worse afterwards for everyone involved. I can hardly identify happiness anymore. What does it feel like again?\n\nWe talked quite a few times about my depression and autism in the past and when he confessed he said it would be okay and he'd do everything to help me and be here for me, but I know it wont work and that I don't deserve him wasting his time on me and he even deserves less so to get false hope from me...\n\nMy heart made a single jump when he confessed, butterflies emerged in my stomach for a brief moment, but it was quickly replaced with all these realizations and thoughts inside my head leading to telling him \"thank you\" and that I'd have to think about it, but I think I already made up my mind in that very moment.\n\nWhy the fuck can't I just be happy that someone I am into is into me as well and go for it? That's a rhetorical question.\n\nFuck depression, fuck being an autist who can't turn her brain off and just *act*... just - fuck it!\n\nI just had to write this down, tell \"someone\", thanks to whoever read this.\n\nEdit: Just to clarify, since it came across the wrong way. He knows I am depressed and autistic, but he doesn't know anything in-depth. Barely that these words exist in my life.", "answer": "Don\u2019t let this opportunity go!  He\u2019s there for you and understands you.  He sounds perfect.  Depression is not so hard when you have someone to support you. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "92ictg", "comment_id": "e35xsau"}, {"question": "How do I even begin to describe how I feel to a counsellor for the first time? 20 female Australia.", "description": "I have never been to a counsellor before, although I have been struggling with mental health since I was 8.\n\nWhen I was 8 I developed many compulsive routines, tapping routines, turning light switches on and off a certain amount of times, not getting right arm wet in shower etc because I believed that my family would die if I did not do them. This went on for about a year until the routines became so long and obvious that I could no longer hide them. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I knew that what I was doing was very weird. It was a huge struggle but I basically managed to tell myself I was being irrational and go cold turkey on my main tapping routine that I did in public, and over the next few years I slowly got rid of other small routines and weird behaviors which had become so automatic I didn't realise I was doing them.\n\nWhen I was about 9 after I got rid of my main tapping routine, I decided I was fat, in about 6 months I lost 9 kilograms. People started noticing and commenting that I was skinny and so I decided I had to stop as I couldn't hide it any longer.\n\nI have been extremely shy as long as I can remember, I can't even begin to explain the endless social situations that make me feel anxious on a daily basis. I have always been known as the most quiet, awkward and shy person in any group, I completely freeze and withdraw from most conversations in groups, speaking to new people is nerve wracking, I feel uncomfortable in public like I am always being judged etc. \n\nBecause of this I had a very difficult time making friends, in particular during years 7 and 8 in school. Through year 7 I had 1 very close friend in my year level who I would feel terrified if I had to go to a class without her, or if she was absent for a few days. At the end of year 7 we had a falling out which left me with no one I felt comfortable around at school, as well as being bullied. This made me terrified of going to school to the point that I somehow found my way out of going 2-3 days per week for the entire year, I would also fake being sick for weeks at a time as well as actually getting sick way more often and for longer than I usually would. I felt extremely depressed, this was my first time ever experiencing such a strong negative emotion for such a long period of time (the whole year) and so I didn't realise that this feeling was not going to last forever, I thought that if this is how I am going to feel the rest of my life then what is the point in living, I wasn't going to kill myself in the near future, but I really wanted to be killed by something else.\n\nI moved schools in year 9, somehow made a solid friendship group and was never bullied once more. However ever since that time I have had unexplained periods of feeling that depressed feeling again, either for weeks or a couple of months. During these periods I lose motivation, lose my appetite, want to sleep all the time, although have a lot of trouble falling or staying asleep, cry at least once or sometimes all through the day if there is no one around, want to go out to distract myself, but can't stay out too long because I can't hold my emotions together long in public. It gets in the way of productivity, I take hours to get small tasks done because I can't stop crying. Luckily these periods only occur a few times a year, and a lot of the time I do not feel like this at all, although I dread the next time it will happen again.\n\nCurrently I am in a good mood, although it is getting concerning to me that it is time to get some help, mainly for my extreme shyness since my future career requires good communication skills which are currently impaired.\n\nI have not gotten help before because before I was about 12 I had no idea that what I was experiencing were potentially mental health issues, and by the time I learned about mental health I thought I had mainly fixed myself (stopping compulsions and losing weight). My anxiety in social situations has been a part of my personality my whole life and so I think it has just become normal to me, although I doubt it should be, I improve very slowly every year and so have not gotten help hoping that it will disappear over the years, but I am sick of being embarrassed by it being so obvious to everyone around me, and to it impairing my function in everyday social situations. I have never gotten help other than talking to a school counsellor about irrelevant issues hoping he would magically guess and help because I hate the idea of anyone being worried about me, I feel guilty about having such bad feelings, as well making drama.\n\nI sound like a complete emotional disaster after saying all of this haha, and I have never told anyone any of this. I am physically able to function most of the time, it is just not always easy and people probably think I am a bit weird.\n\nI have no idea how to explain all of this to the counsellor, I think that it is important that I do though, I am feeling worried about my first appointment.\n\nTips, advice and reassurance would be very appreciated .", "answer": "Say just that. Show the counselor this post if you\u2019re having trouble with words. Helping you to identify and verbalize emotions is part of what a counselor does! ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zwmok", "comment_id": "durano4"}, {"question": "Forgot already took pill and took pill 3 times the amount prescribed. 325 acetaminophen 5mg oxycodone hydrochloride", "description": "Hi. I forgot I already took the pill and took it again, then again. Its the v4839 pill (325 mg acetaminophen and 5mg oxycodone hydrochloride).\n\nIts been about 1 hour since my third pill. The first one was about 5 hours ago. Second one about 30 minutes before 3rd pill.\n\nI feel fine. Is this something I need to be concerned about or should I wait it off?", "answer": "It's about the maximum dose of acetaminophen you should take at a time and a significant but not unreasonable dose of oxycodone. After five hours it's much more like stacking two doses, and you 'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97niaf", "comment_id": "e49jfpp"}, {"question": "[19/f] possibly cheated on", "description": "*Just a warning, this is going to be lengthy*\n\nSo i have been in a relationship officially for 6 months. The guy that i am in a relationship with, was my first  . I currently am in college, and as you may or may not know, just like public school, colleges have vacations. I am technically an international student, so when i go on vacation i go to a different location. The guy i am with, is born and raised in the city in which i go to school. \n\nSo, I went away for Thanksgiving vacation and his sister picked me up from the airport. We were talking about him and stuff, and she said something like, \"You know , we never thought that he would ever get over [insert ex girlfriend #1's name here]\" Ex-girlfriend #1 is also his first girlfriend, so pretty much his first everything. So, that name is very familiar because up until recently, he ALWAYS talked about her and it didn't click to me until his own sister said something about it. So, when his sister dropped me off, i thought about it for a longggg time. Then, I figured out the name of his ex before me(Ex girlfriend #2), and i messaged her. I simply asked her if he mentioned her a lot during their relationship. She said yes so strongly. So me and her conversed for bit, and i told her that i didn't believe that he was over ex-gf #1. I get the whole \"first love\" thing, i guess, but theres a difference between having a first love and missing your first love. He misses her and its obvious. He always compared us, #1 this, #1 that. Because I'm not really a jealous , i didn't really care, until his sister brought it up, which is why i messaged ex-gf #2. NOW, Him and ex-gf #2 are in the same Army unit, Im not insecure about Ex-gf #2 being around him because she's engaged HOWEVER, she can't keep her mouth shut. So immediately she messages him after our conversation. So the next day, he asks me if there was something bothering me. So, I said, obviously you and Ex-gf#2 spoke, so ill just tell you that you talking about ex-gf #1 pisses me off a little. He told me that he has no feelings for her and he was sorry about talking about her so much. So i forgave him and whatever. So i asked him when was the last time he had spoke to ex-gf #1 . He told me that she was ALWAYS hitting him up and things. So, the crazy in me came out just bit. So i messaged ex-gf #1, and was like hey, don't text or message him, you guys have no reason to talk. It took her HOURS to respond, but when she did, you are never going to guess the response i got. She was like \"thats fine, i won't message him, but will you tell him not to message me\". So i was confused and i asked her, when the last time he messaged her was. He had messaged her the Saturday before i got home from vacation, mind you, i got home on Sunday. When she responded to me, she responded with text screenshots from him, asking her if she could hang out with him and telling her how good she looks, etc etc, all things inappropriate for a guy who has a girlfriend to be saying. This girl was completely honest with me and told me that she has a boyfriend, didnt hang out with him and actually told me she blocked him on all social media.\n\nHeres my dilemma, i don't know what to do, most people tell me that i should leave him, because history repeats, but my mother told me that i should take under consideration that he didnt ACTUALLY cheat, or at least i don't know and i will never know, so what do i do? \n", "answer": "ask the right questions until you feel you can trust", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj7uu", "comment_id": "dbw4bj3"}, {"question": "Coworker Won\u2019t Stop Eating", "description": "Every. Single. Day. \n\nCrunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch \n\nFinish one bag of chips, open another. Crunch crunch crunch crunch \n\nSmack smack smack slurp smack smack\n\nI\u2019m about to fucking lose it", "answer": "I once had a coworker who would bring a whole bag of baby carrots to meetings and eat them ALL- crunching and munching for at least an hour straight. This happened many times. I've never met anyone with less self-awareness. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ao9k83", "comment_id": "efzegur"}, {"question": "should I give her an ultimatum ?", "description": "Hey first time I come to here for advices..\n\nThere's a girl (solid 9/10) who I've matched on tinder 6 months ago (I'm a solid 6/10 not handsome I skip you the details).\n\nWe chat she seems cool but the discussion ends. Long story short she sends me a message 2 weeks after with her number and she wants to talk. I get in contact we talk but she doesn't reply effectively (24 hours for response) so obviously the discussion ends. A few weeks after she sends me a WhatsApp message we talk but I'm very busy (med school probs ...) and the discussion dies again. However we keep on snapchatting.\n\nNow a few days ago she found my facebook and added me. Obviously she wants us to have something so I'm like talking to her but again she goes online and doesn't answer my messages ! I don't know what to do to progress here. \n\nSo I'm thinking about getting forward with her and ask her what she wants from this and why is she so un participative for talks. Kinda like an ultimatum. \n\nHowever I feel like it could also jeopardize our whole thing.\n\nI am desperately in need of good advices. ", "answer": "ultimatum gets a bad rap.  ultimatum just means  \"i need/want this, and if you don't, then it's not going to work\".  it's always best to ask and be direct.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2idw", "comment_id": "ddqvx9f"}, {"question": "Does the rate of alcohol consumption matter for health outcomes, or is it just the quantity?", "description": "There have been conflicting studies as to whether or not a drink or two a day is good/bad/neither, but I've seen quite a few studies indicating that more than X drinks in a day is bad.\n\nDoes it make any difference if you have X drinks all together or spread out over the day?  (I'm thinking of situations where you might sip your drinks over the course of an afternoon/evening, so you might consume quite a few drinks while not getting more than somewhat buzzed.)", "answer": "Mainly cumulative exposure (over your lifetime) is the biggest problem, though obviously drinking serious amounts in a short space of time is a toxic risk.\n\nTheres no great evidence for drinking over, say, a week. Ultimately its common sense drinking thats safest.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6jvqre", "comment_id": "djhcqvr"}, {"question": "What am I doing?", "description": "I drink because I don\u2019t know how to regulate myself emotionally. I used to tell myself that I drink because it\u2019s fun and I like to have a few to relax. True alcoholics drink to numb themselves, but that\u2019s not me. It can\u2019t be me. \n\nTruth is, these last couple years have been very hard. A death in the family, family drama, souring relationship with my parents. Everybody has shit, right? I barely even remember last year because of how much I was drinking on a regular basis. I got things somewhat under control this year, in the sense that I\u2019m not drinking daily like I was. Only on weekends now. I know that won\u2019t last. It\u2019s already getting worse again.\n\nWhat kind of life is that? Most aspects of my life are actually great.. I have an awesome job. My career is advancing quickly. I\u2019m going to school for a masters. I just bought a house with my adoring fianc\u00e9. I\u2019m getting married in 6 months to my best friend. So, why do I drink? If I keep numbing myself, I can\u2019t even enjoy the good things in my life. I\u2019m just existing. And I\u2019m tired of it. I want to enjoy life, and learn how to roll with the punches. Life is too short to live in a numbed state.\n\nToday is day one, again. I need support. No one outside of my fianc\u00e9 knows I drink. Thanks for reading this. IWNDWYT.", "answer": "Hi. You might have a look at Dialectical Behaviour therapy, DBT. While it was originally designed for people who have Borderline Personality and/or self harm it can be useful for a range of difficulties. There is a large emphasis on emotional regulation in this therapy and thats why i mention it here. There are some v good websites and books on this, as well as the option of finding a Dbt therapist. Best wishes. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8x2hyc", "comment_id": "e210nhe"}, {"question": "Is it possible for a kid to eat too much salt? Have you ever heard of a kid go to an ER Or ICU for excessive salt consumption?", "description": "My 7 year old LOVES salt. Today he made a cheese sandwich and put so much salt (and mustard) on it, I could barely eat it. I know about salt and high blood pressure, etc and I am not worried about that. I know the kidneys are excellent at getting rid of excess salt. What I am worried about is some kind of electrolyte imbalance if he accidentally over consumes a large amount of salt in a short period of time. \n\nSo, should I back of off him and let him eat the way he wants? Or is this something to worry about?", "answer": "Excessive salt intake IS dangerous, and in extreme cases lead to hospitalisation.\n\n[How much salt is good for me?](http://www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/1138.aspx?CategoryID=51)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xt3f7", "comment_id": "d6i7ix4"}, {"question": "Just a query", "description": "I really don't know how to start these posts...\n\nAnyway, I have depression, anxiety and perfectionism, that I already know. But that's not why I'm here, but I guess I've noticed that I've always had these irrational fears of being murdered. \n\nI'll elaborate: it happens more when I'm home alone, though it does happen at night even if I'm not home alone. When I'm alone it can happen in the day time, and it really sets me on edge. I've cried at times, and i cant remember how many times ive had to hold a heavy object to walk through a door. Every noise I here is someone walking about in my house, or such and such. I close every door behind me, because if there was someone in my house then I'd hear them if they had to open doors. But then when I have to open them again to go out, god I get so scared, what if someone's behind it waiting? So it takes me a while to build courage to go. \n\nAnd I've always hated it when people purposefully make me jump, I'd usually end up crying, heavy breathing and my heart would be so fast. But I guess that's an average reaction if you don't like scares.\n\nThere's a lot of other stuff too, like when the phone rings and such, I've written enough\n\nI was just wondering if it was something I should mention to my psychiatrist tomorrow even though i go there for my depression? ", "answer": "Yes. If something is problematic for you, it is definitely something to bring up", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "18tm5a", "comment_id": "c8if1aw"}, {"question": "I have so much repressed anger - Trying to express it in a healthy way.", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nWithout going in to too much detail, I had a very passive manner of communicating all my life. Due to turmoil at home, I had to keep my feelings to myself and be a people-pleaser outside home. As I have grown over the years, I have repressed a lot of anger against family, some friends who have upset me, and especially my significant other. I feel my significant other has gotten the brunt of everything, because I cannot handle the slightest rejections or arguments from him. I know it is not okay to expect nothing of others but everything from my spouse. As I process my anger in therapy and think more about everything from the past, I feel like I am not able to control. I keep thinking of things people and done, and for once in my life, I am communicating to old friends, my parents and even other people how their actions make me feel. They feel like I have lost it all of a sudden, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep things to myself. For example: I used to be so passive that I would rather take the wrong turn in traffic to avoid having someone honk at me. Now, I do not take a wrong turn, and I wait it out,  let them honk, but try and wait till the next car would let me pass, and avoid trying 3-4 extra miles. \n\nSo sorry for the rant. Just wondering if anyone has gone through a phase like this and does it ever end? ", "answer": "To start by answering your end question, yes.  This phase will end.  \n\nAs part of normal development, most people go through some form of a \"rebellious phase\".  Usually this happens in the teens.  It really looks different for everyone but at the core for most is an attempt to assert your personal freedom and rights as an individual.  So long as the person doesn't do anything too dangerous that causes long-term effects, most people come out of it feeling more confident, more secure, and better able to set healthy boundaries with those around them.  \n\nThere are many reasons that some folks don't go through this phase while at home during their teenage years whether it be a history of abuse, high anxiety, personality, etc. \n\nIt can be a little more difficult to go through as an adult because you already have some bad habits a little more ingrained since you've been practicing them longer.  I'm glad to hear you're in therapy because it can be extremely helpful with changing your normal patterns.  \n\nRight now, it sounds like you're rebelling, and as a reactionary measure, going so far to the other end of the spectrum of how you used to act and express anger.  Over time (and with some help from your therapist) you'll be able to find that comfortable middle ground of feeling comfortable expressing your anger/wants/needs without the need to be a people pleaser, but doing so in a healthy and mature way that is not misdirected at those who don't deserve it.  \n\nBest of luck!  Keep putting the good work in in therapy.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8b8057", "comment_id": "dx4qchs"}, {"question": "Prozac for PMDD (premenstrual dyspeptic disorder)", "description": "Age:26 \nSex: F\nH: 5\u20194\nW: 140\nMedications: Flexeril 10mg and Ibuprofen 800mg ad needed. Now possibly Prozac 10mg\nHistory of issue: I\u2019ve had serious depression at different levels of intensity since I was 10 years old. My mom\u2019s side has a history of severe depression and other personality disorders. When I was younger and under the care of my family I would take whatever medication they forced on me. I don\u2019t remember it helping much. As soon as I emancipated at 16 I stopped taking the medication I started self medicating with drugs and alcohol intermittently (mostly just pot, but I\u2019ve dabbled in hallucinogens for relief). Fast forward to now. I\u2019ve always realized that my depression cycle correlates with my menstrual cycle. My OBGYN has given me 10mg Prozac to take just for a few days before I have my period. \n\nHas anybody heard of whether this is effective or not? My research hasn\u2019t pulled up much, but I have read a lot about Prozac and it seems that it takes awhile for people to start feeling relief so wouldthis actually be a good option for me?\n\nAlso, I take Flexeril and the drug interaction causes serotonin syndrome, which I\u2019m scared of. I don\u2019t take the Flexeril everyday but it allows me to sleep through some neck pain. \n\nEdit: Today is the first day I would take it but I\u2019m hesitating. ", "answer": "It\u2019s not clear why it works that way for PMDD but not MDD, but brief SSRI courses timed with menstrual cycles seems to work for PMDD and that\u2019s the standard treatment.\n\nThe risk of serotonin syndrome from Flexeril and a very low dose of Prozac is negligible.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "90x6vx", "comment_id": "e2ucf4q"}, {"question": "I dont know what to do, please help", "description": "I met this girl online about a year ago and we have been chatting ever since. We were never really a couple but we really liked each other and acted like a couple( sweet and also sexual stuff). So some months ago i found out she was doing kind of the same thing but with other guy. I was really upset and tried not talking to her but i didnt last long that way so she apologized, said she loved me and everything went back to normal. So a week ago she went to visit this other guy that also lived away from her. I didnt like it cause i was worried that she would start liking him better because of this. Anyway she went and she started talking to me less and in other languaje (she clearly didnt want the other guy to know about me). Then today, all of a sudden she texted me saying that she only loves and needs him , and told me not to talk to him anymore. Later i found out that he stormed out from here and didnt come back( probably he found out sth about me). She already erased my contact and she wont answer my messages, and i really miss her and wanna talk to her. I dont know what to do now. I know i should try todo ley her go, but i really cant . I keep thinking about her and i seriously cant get her out of my mind. What i want most Is to get things the way they were before she met the other guy, but i dont know how now. I was always the Nice guy, never did any harm to her and only told her kind things. Why is she doing this to me? Where did i go wrong? And how can i get her back ? Or at least some way to move on. I really hope you could understand me even if my English is not so good. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "you didn't do anything. she's immature and doesn't know what she wants. try to move on. the roller coaster isn't worth it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4hc3", "comment_id": "dc0rd10"}, {"question": "What are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "I just wondered if I may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as I've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.\n\nAlso, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that I may be schizoid, for instance? Simply because they're looking for something specific?\n\nI'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, I just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "It does happen, but I would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist.  Asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better.  The best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist.  I did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.\n\nFriendly Reminder:\nIn 21 days, a new Diagnositic and Statistical Manual will be released and Asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world.  Instead, there will be Autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.\n\nIt is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "c9qz4ub"}, {"question": "Intrusive Thoughts Of My Mother Dying", "description": "My Mom has a bad cold and we are all in bed for the night, she\u2019s asleep with my Dad and I can\u2019t stop worrying that she\u2019s going to die.\n\nSpecifically I can\u2019t stop imagining the sound my Dad would make if he woke up beside her body. I\u2019m just curled up in my bed sobbing and I can\u2019t get it out of my head. Please help. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? I was totally fine 20 minutes ago and now I am a total wreck. ", "answer": "I'm sorry you're experiencing those types of thoughts, I imagine they are super distressing.  Have you ever had intrusive thoughts like this about anything else or have you ever felt overwhelmed with worry like you do now?  Do you feel like you should be doing something to help her...if so, what?  \n\nI realize this is probably hard to do, but try and lay on your back if you're in bed (with your hands by your side) and close your eyes.  Listen to yourself breathing, and count up every time you exhale by 1.  If you lose count, start over.  If deep breaths work for you, try those.  While you're doing this, allow yourself to feel your body on your bed, the blankets on you, your clothes, etc.  Sometimes, when you're really tense, you might be tensing up your body.  If you notice yourself doing that, try to let go.\n\nDon't worry about responding to the questions unless the breathing doesn't really work for ya.  I hope you feel better! ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a9ttli", "comment_id": "ecmj6vd"}, {"question": "Is she [28/f] playing two guys at the same time? How should I [33/m] handle it?", "description": "I met this girl a while ago. She says she's not ready to date yet because she's coming out of a long relationship. We hang out a lot and have a lot of fun. Nothing physical. She says if she were ready to date she would defnitely date me.\n\nI found out she's been hanging out with another guy a lot (that she met before me). When I asked her about him, she said that there could be something between them (potentially) but that it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to date anybody right now.\n\nTo me it does matter because it looks like she's playing two guys at the same time while she's waiting to be ready to seriously date. I think it's not fair to me or to him. \n\nAm I wrong here? Just because she's not commited, she can just start building emotional bonds with as many guys as she wants? How should I handle it?\n\nI actually like her a lot. I can see long term things happening with her.", "answer": "if you're honest about your intentions-- as in don't want a rel.--  you are free to do anything. the other person either lives with it or not.  [one person hits ball--ball in other's court]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5su76k", "comment_id": "ddhttih"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago.  I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough.  It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either.  I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search.  I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\".  Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches.  It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time.  \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out.  Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to.  I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time.  Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol.  I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years.  When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing.  I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor.  When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room.  And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal.  Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges.  I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good.  They thought I might be developing an eating disorder.  Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat.  Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time.  I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me.  I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice.  I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you.  Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it.  That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes.  Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour.  Helped me through the isolation.  I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail.  \n\nI drew a lot.  A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use.  But I drew a lot to express myself.  I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me.  Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail.  But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them.  So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway!  All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "fehwcun"}, {"question": "[M24] Creating a job at my business, just to ask out girls I interview?", "description": "Is this a stupid idea, I have had no GF and have had an idea.  \n\n\nI create a job post, it is a real job, working with me at my small business (I do it for fun and extra money, only one day every weekend). I put in an optional section asking about interests/personal (e.g. favorite movie, best ice cream flavor, relationship status). I only interview single girls 20 to 25, and ask them out at the end of the interview, if they say no they don't get the job (don't tell them this), if they say yes then see how the date goes, the one who the dates go best with get the job.  \n\n\nAm I being a horrible person here? It sounds stupid but it might work. ", "answer": "The woman who accepts this role is doing it because she is fine with what's going on- you are paying her to date you.  You are wasting women's time and shutting them out of the working world unless they sleep with you.  So the female equivalent will be the woman who is sexing you in order to get as much money as she can.  I know you haven't considered this, but your plan is extremely transparent and something every woman has at least heard of, if not experienced directly.   So the only reason she WOULDNT get angry and walk away is if she is smarter than you and plans to take you for everything.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ba2rny", "comment_id": "ek9q8n4"}, {"question": "My GF [25/F] and I[30/M]. We have a great relationship if a bit superficial... I'm afraid we want different things in life, but also I'm afraid I'm pushing something good away.", "description": "We met in grad school and have been dating 2 years now. We're from completely different backgrounds... She is from a very religious family and rural community, and is very religious herself whereas I am from a more secular, urban background. She wants to live in the area where she grew up (rural), and I need more of a city vibe. Marriage and kids are high on her life goals (I feel as though she treats this like a life \"finish-line\" or metric of adulthood) and I don't feel strongly about either. We've talked about all this together in some pretty blunt, difficult conversations because I wanted to know we were on the same page. \n\nOn the other hand, being with her is so easy. She is one of those people that is happy and bright by default (whereas I tends toward melancholy if I'm not vigilant), and our relationship has been so uncomplicated. She is beautiful and we've made some really great memories. \n\nBut here's an illustration of a difference between us: We are sexually active, and neither of us were each other's firsts; but because of her religious views, she feels guilty. She says she doesn't feel guilty about *us* but she does feel guilty about her previous partners because she feels \"that it's disrespectful to her future husband.\" To clarify, she's not saying disrespectful to me, but whomever that may be. And also to clarify, she says that she doesn't feel badly about us because we have had a \"significant relationship\" and even if it ends, it wasn't a bad thing. Now I've taken issue with this idea of there being someone you're *meant* to be with and with the idea that sex makes someone inherently less valuable (which is my interpretation of the disrespect thing); but in the end we both let it go and agree to disagree. \n\nBut I fear that there is a lot of this silent agreeing to disagree thing going on under the surface and that this stuff would matter if things got more serious (and especially if she  got preggo!). \n\nWe've not said \"I love you\" to each other on purpose. I've said it before to someone and that didn't turn out well (the relationship, not the words). But I feel the same toward her  and I did then, and I am positive that if I said it, it would bring down walls for her and she would too. \n\nSo reddit, what do I do? Am I kidding myself? Am I throwing away something good with someone I have real potential to be happy with? Is anyone even reading this?\n\n**TL;DR** Boy meets pretty girl. Boy is happy. Girl is happy. Does anything else really matter?", "answer": "wanting different things in life is huge", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72jy8w", "comment_id": "dnj2edb"}, {"question": "I[20/M] am dating a girl[20/M] with quite a sexual history and I'm kind of uncomfortable about it.", "description": "Hey guys, I'm just looking for some help. Almost like a Change My View post. \n\nSo I have been dating this girl for about 4 months now and been 'seeing' her for about 5 months. I lost my virginity to her but I know that she has had a history. She is an incredible girl and I really like her and she seems to really like me but just awhile ago I figured out about how many people she has been with. 22 is the number. I was 21. \n\nThe problem is that I don't know how comfortable I am with how many people she has seen. Also that a lot of the people she has had sex with, she still keeps as friends and talks to regularly. She is loyal and I know she would never cheat on me but I don't know how I feel about how she has had sex with one of her best guy friends and still snaps and texts him daily. \n\nI absolutely love this girl and she loves me. I want to be with this girl for awhile. We have talked about it and have a good reputation of communication about anything we feel uncomfortable with. She doesn't like her past and tells me most of them have been one night stands she barely remembers(alcohol). I try to be very accepting of it and help her with her toxic feelings but I don't know if I actually mean some of the stuff I say.\n\nSo since I have no one else I can really talk to this about, I need your help with accepting this \n fact about my girlfriend. Shoot me with any questions you might have. \n\ntl;dr: My girlfriend has had quite a sexual history and I need help accepting it as I feel quite uncomfortable about it.", "answer": "people talk too much about their history. if someone's not a virgin, does it really matter how many? the only thing that matters is what kind of relationship you agree upon.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e8y3l", "comment_id": "di8jx3d"}, {"question": "He wants it all the time-pregnant what???", "description": "Hi all in need of some advise  and too strange too talk to friends.I am just over 7 months pregnant with twins (and feel like a whale). DH and i have sex about 3-4 times a week as we are still newish weds 2 years nearly.\n\nWe planned the pregnancy and is is really supportive of the babues and me and will be a good dad but this issue over sex is overshadowing the good points. Especially since i am getting too large now and i am stuggling to move around alot (big babies same size as single pregnancy babies).He complains that we do not have sex everyday anymore  (we did pre pregnancy) and thinks i have changed at its all about the babies now.\n\nI still think we have a good time when we do have sex but other times i just can't.I get he has got a high sex drive and do try to please him in otherways but if i can't i get that he might have to take him self 'in hand' so to speak byt he refuses to masterbate him self and has stated it is my roles to fill his need.\n\nAm i crazy thinking he is out of line...?", "answer": "he is immature", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wsbds", "comment_id": "decl46p"}, {"question": "Does alcohol consumption over time lead to any sort of cognitive impairment", "description": "So I drink a lot. Been drinking nearly every day since I was 17. I\u2019m 25 now. The thing is, I\u2019m motivated by such a strong fear of failure that I\u2019ll probably never reach a bottom point where I\u2019m forced to confront my drinking. I\u2019m fairly successful for someone my age and have healthy habits apart from my drinking.\n\nThe only thing that concerns me is a fear that it\u2019ll result in some psychological damage over time. I wonder if anyone could inform on this. Is it gonna make me some sorta buffoon down the road? Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks\n\nFor context, I probably drink the equivalent of four bottles of beer a day. Usually I get started after I get off work.", "answer": "Definitely yes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bknet4", "comment_id": "emjcsv6"}, {"question": "Getting married in 2 months... extremely uncomfortable", "description": "I'll try to keep this short. I (M/29) proposed to to my girlfriend (F/28) after 8 months of dating. She has a child from a previous marriage. It's been extremely rocky since early-summer and we're due to be married in November. She has gotten physically abusive with me three times over arguments; I would never even think of doing the same to her. In order for her to listen to my opinion on anything I have to basically pack a bag, grab my stuff and threaten to leave. Every time I do though she gets aggressive and throws the fact that her child will be heartbroken in my face. We're living together.\n\nThe relationship is very one-sided. She does whatever she wants, when she wants; I feel like I'm just along for the ride.\n\nNot bragging but I'm very successful for my age so I don't feel like I'm at the end of my rope, so to speak.\n\nI know deep down none of this is right but she wants to work on it. Is there any hope here or should I throw in the towel.", "answer": "I wouldn't marry anyone who was abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7063nz", "comment_id": "dn0q5ko"}, {"question": "How do you know when to go on medication?", "description": "I\u2019ve been debating the idea of visiting a psychiatrist to be prescribed anti-anxiety medication. However, some days I\u2019ll feel like my symptoms warrant the decision and other days I\u2019ll think, \u201cI\u2019m in a good place, why would I need medication?\u201d.  How do you know when to say yes to medication? ", "answer": "This is a very important question and I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a universal answer. But since it\u2019s feeling timely... I just went to the psychiatrist today for the first time in 10 years because the answer to your question (when I asked myself) was, \u201cit\u2019s time.\u201d I\u2019ve sought out holistic approaches running the gamut: psychotherapy, exercise, diet and acupuncture. I\u2019ve cut out drinking, sought support from friends, limited contact with toxic family members and meditated. The list goes on and on. Finally, I got hit with some much-needed objectivity as I observed myself spending the weekend in bed popping over-the-counter sleeping pills to \u201ctake the edge off\u201d and a few days later, had a scary panic attack while driving. \n\nI don\u2019t know how to guide you in assessing your current symptoms but if possible, adopt a non-judging curiosity about yourself and try and observe, as clearly as possible, the basic health of your functioning. How\u2019s your self-talk? Is it angry, self-punishing or perseverating? How\u2019s your sense of belonging? Do you feel isolated, lonely or excluded? How\u2019s your inner-world? Is it dull and bleak or accosting and intense? Look under the rock and name the creepy-crawlies wiggling around.\n\nLong story short: get curious. See what\u2019s within your normal emotional spectrum and what\u2019s beyond. If what\u2019s beyond overwhelms you and feels impossible to address otherwise, it\u2019s worth consulting with a psychiatrist. Good luck to you. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8i95gq", "comment_id": "dypyjzt"}, {"question": "I'm [17/f] and have been talking to [19/m]. Don't know if he likes me? Confused.", "description": "First of all I must say that I overthink everything and I just need a little clarification from people outside the situation. So I'm a 17 y/o girl in Texas and I started talking to a 19 y/o guy over Instagram over a month ago. We live in the same city and really hit it off. I'd also like to mention that he has not come off as aggressive or has given off any red flags. He seems to be a perfectly normal and genuine person. \n\nSo last Saturday I met him in person for the first time. I followed all of the right safety precautions etc. Anyways it was a bit awkward at first, but we eventually found our rhythm and just walked around and talked for two hours. We have a lot of similar interests and hobbies. He hugged me when we met and left, he paid for my meal, offered his jacket to me multiple times (because it was a little cool outside), and while we were sitting on a bench talking he brushed my hair out of my face. He also offered me his hand when I was getting off the bench but I didn't realize what he was doing so I didn't reciprocate and I also never accepted his jacket. He didn't seem overly flirtatious in my opinion and we've been texting back and forth every day since. Despite this, the conversations we have aren't flirty or very forward. I'm conflicted because I really like him but I don't want to come off too strong. \n\nAlso I feel a bit weird about the age difference but I also don't? I'm still in high school and he's in college. I'm afraid to just ask how he feels because I think I might just be impatient. I just don't know how he feels about me or what I should do...\n\nAny advice is appreciated! Thank you! Have a great day!\n", "answer": "Always ask!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jxna", "comment_id": "dgqytv9"}, {"question": "I'm [25/m] white American dating a [25/fm] first generation Iranian girl. Am I or is SHE crazy / are these cultural differences / am I insensitive. I really need advice.", "description": "Let me start of by saying I've never had another girlfriend.  I lack experience, and thus lack perspective.  Thus I really appreciate your perspective if you are able to sit through the lengthy description that follows.  \n\nMy girlfriend is a daughter of Iranian immigrants and suffers from OCD.  I am a white American with ADD.  We connect on the 'important' issues, but the trivial daily relationship friction that results from our cultural and mental disorder differences is really bad.  There are of course many areas where our relationship is unique and amazing, which is why I have stayed a part of this relationship for so long.  But, still, her frustrations with me have pushed our 5-year relationship to verge of failure. \n\nHer family life was strict and lifeless.  She grew up in the suburbs.  Her mom hates her Dad because she has always earned more than him.  This anger from her mother was a constant cloud above her childhood.  As a kid, her parents never encouraged her to take on any hobbies or sports.  Her whole childhood was literally: school, home, TV, homework, bed, repeat.  Her upbringing produced a host of destructive mental disorders:\n\n1) **Vaginismus** \u2013 she is literally incapable of penetrative sex.  Her mom taught her sex was bad.  She has never used a tampon, never had a gynological exam, and we have never had penetrative sex.  When I raise the issue with her, she shuts down. \n\n2) **Asexuality** \u2013 I don\u2019t get the impression that she is bothered by the fact that she can\u2019t have sex, aside from the fact that it makes her not normal.  She has never watched porn in her life, she does not masturbate, and she never initiates physical contact with me.  On the rare occasion that she gives in to me physical initiations, she likes to grind, reach a surface orgasm, and then rolls on her side.  If I ask for a handjob after, she will roll her eyes and give me what amounts to an unenjoyed (on either part), unenthusiastic handjob.  She is also grossed about by semen and prefers to cover my penis with a napkin. \n\n3)\t**Germophobia** --  anytime we are out, she asks me not to touch things like counter tops, walls, railings, and so on.  Upon returning home, shoes must always be taken off, clothes must be changed into \u2018house clothes\u2019, and hands must be washed.  Not doing any of these things results in extreme anger on her part. \n\n4)\t**Controlling** \u2013 she wants everything done in a particular way.  The cabinets should not make a noise when they are closed.  Everything in the refrigerator has an exact location. Meals must be cooked using the fewest number utensils possible, fewest number ingredients possible, and without any spills.  \n\n5) **Indecisiveness** \u2013  She will spends weeks deliberating \u2018big purchases\u2019.  All new clothes go into the closet for 1 \u2013 3 months before being worn or ultimately returned (2/3 clothing items get returned).  All receipts must be saved and verified with her checking account.  She is obsessed with yelp.  All restaurants must be vetted on yelp.  Picking a new restaurant to eat at will literally take a minimum of an hour and routinely 2 hours.  She must read all the reviews, view the menu, look at photos of the food, and already have her meal selected before we can leave.  As a result, there are only 5 restaurants she will eat at (when SHE is going of her own choosing and not for work for example).  She must pick the meal (it\u2019s always the same meal at each restaurant) and we must split it.  Asking to consider a different restaurant or meal on the menu or simply getting different meals, even when I\u2019m paying is met with extreme anger. \n\n6)\tHer life is about **efficiency** rather than pleasure.  For example, last weekend I proposed the idea of cooking a meal together.  She rejected all of my meal ideas as being too complicated, even though I was willing to make the meal on my own.  All I wanted to do was handmake pasta on the countertop, make some pasta sauce, and make an apple/walnut/lemon-dressing salad.  However, the thought of flour being on the countertop was too messy.    \n\nMy family is well educated and successful like hers, but we are fundamentally laid back\u2014even compared to other western white families.  We don\u2019t lock the front door, the house is cluttered, my mom is late everywhere she goes, and so on.  Although I suffer from ADD, I am actually acutely aware of it and thus go through great lengths to combat it.  However, I still struggle on a daily basis.  Consequences of my ADD include: leaving the keys in the front door, leaving drinks out, forgetting to turn lights off, leaving the AC / heater running, and failure to form new habits quickly.   As you can imagine, my upbringing resulted in my \u2018natural order of operation\u2019 being completely at odds with hers.  Despite this, I am open-minded and am willing to change the way I do everything, because I fundamentally see the logic of her peculiarities (aside from our sexual differences).  However, my ADD oversights bother her to no end.  Things have gotten so bad that she literally wants to break up.  \n\nOver Christmas, she and her sister got into a fight.  Her sister revealed that their family had gone out to dinner the day after we returned to our town.  They agreed that she treats me terribly, I am too nice to her, and that if we were ever to break up that she would never find anybody who would tolerate her.  These are fucked up things to say, but the thing is, I literally agree.  I can\u2019t imagine that anybody would be able to tolerate.  Moreover, the thought that she now wants to break up with ME seems literally insane given all of her issues.  \n\n", "answer": "she needs a doctor and a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tk8qk", "comment_id": "ddn57ik"}, {"question": "Dead arm led to something else", "description": "Female (36). I woke in the middle of the night with my arm above my head and could feel nothing from it. I have had this before and used my other arm to pull it down and rub it until the feeling came back. Usually it passes with a bit of uncomfortableness within a few moments but this time I had tremendous pain which led to my whole upper right side of my body having a tingly numbness.\n\nMy arm, shoulder, tongue, face and brain(if this makes sense) went numb.\n\nSo I tried to get up and sat at the side of the bed. I felt extremely lightheaded and nauseous and I lay back down. Then I realized that I couldn\u2019t do simple sums in my head, speak properly or write well. \n\nI felt so tired I fell asleep and all day today I\u2019ve had a numb tingling face on my right hand side and a weakness on that side, especially in my arm. I thought it would pass but it hasn\u2019t.\n\nAny ideas of what it could be? I have PCOS and a history of breast cancer in my family but no other problems. \n\nAdditional note- at new year I felt like I was having a mild heart attack and an ecg showed nothing but my other tests showed mild muscle damage. Is this related?  I have also have difficulty swallowing and constantly find problems swallowing food, especially after periods of stress.", "answer": "Once you\u2019ve ruled out a non-emergent issue look into Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f2w3sk", "comment_id": "fhf1du3"}, {"question": "I always delete the comments I\u2019m about to make or completely rearrange what I\u2019m about to say to someone text wise.", "description": "I don\u2019t like sharing my thoughts, mostly because I think it won\u2019t matter and it always brings some type of negativity. (Not because my thoughts are bad, just because people have opinions and someone always thinks something is wrong)", "answer": "The fact that you\u2019re worried about how others will perceive your ideas is a good indication that you are thoughtful and conscientious. The internet is filled with people who hide behind their usernames projecting their insecurities onto everyone else without even having an opinion or logical idea to share. I would say the world needs more people like you to share your thoughts for discussion. To avoid sharing an idea out of fear that others may not agree or take offense is, in my opinion, an idea worth sharing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "drwytw", "comment_id": "f6mook8"}, {"question": "Mild hallucinations... wondering.", "description": "Heya I\u2019ve e been a lurker on this sub and i have a question. Sorry if it\u2019s long though. \n\nSo, I was diagnosed with bpd in 2010 after  a month or so of delusional thought, rage, just basically a psychotic mess. I was prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotic medications which I took very badly (overdosing, not taking them, selling them at raves, etc). After that i never went back on medication and have been self medicating with weed. \n\nEvery day is a battle with my own mind but i sometimes i wonder if my delusions and hallucinations are a part of it. Has anyone else had something similar happen? Is it just bpd? \n\nI know when i am very stressed i go mental, but most other days i have mild hallucinations with mood swings. \n\nIf anyone knows something about this please let me know! Much appreciated guys, thanks :)\n\nXx", "answer": "What do you mean by mild hallucinations? As far as I know, hallucinations are not part of bpd. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9qfd18", "comment_id": "e88wvt4"}, {"question": "What do I do?", "description": "A few months after we (21f 23m) got married I found texts from other girls in his phone, some even from before the actual wedding date. I confronted him about it and he promised that he'd stop and I believed him but again, I saw texts coming in from other girls just a few days ago. I don't know what to do or what to say this time. If he wanted to act as though he was single why didn't he just say that he didn't want to get married?", "answer": "exactly. he needs to come clean with you about what he wants from life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tkq9i", "comment_id": "ddn9zyz"}, {"question": "I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.\n\nIt seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Some things concern/scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  In my teen years I also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  Each time I experience a particularly difficult call I get a little more worried.\n\nI know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis.  I know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. I know I shouldn't be \"OK\" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "I'm a clinical psych doctoral student. Ethically, I can't diagnose or provide treatment, but I will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. This is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "ficplxg"}, {"question": "How can I secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your help, guys. So many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. I was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning I decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. She was glad I spoke up. This morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. When she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. They went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. When they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. I didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. He will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. She also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. Still, I will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. Just to make sure we are ok. Again, thank you everyone for your advice.\n\n15M, 6+foot, ??kg, Caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. In New Zealand.\n\nSo tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.\n\nLong story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. He comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"How was school?\"* He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.\n\nMy nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **NOTE:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. I have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. He specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.\n\nI don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but I know he needs better care and support than I can provide. I am living with the family at the moment, so I can offer at-home support. However, I think he needs to see a professional. These memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. It's affecting his happiness. He is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. I want to know what I can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. Is he able to get therapy? Does he need parental consent to try medications?\n\nI know this isn't the typical 'AskDocs' question, and I apologise. But I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "Every country has issues of payment. It\u2019s not the Byzantine mess of out of pocket costs and insurance that the US has, but someone has to pay, and that means knowing what, if anything, needs to be done to access universal coverage. And making sure that a specific doctor is in that system and not private pay, which can also happen.\n\nIt may be nothing at all, but that\u2019s something to figure out first.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "g58ekw8"}, {"question": "Am I [29/m] going crazy? Can someone tell me if I wrote or implied something I'm missing to my gf [26/f]?", "description": "This is infuriating me. My girlfriend of 1 year seems to be under the impression that I broke up with her when I only asked that I needed some time to myself since I was mad at her. Today I messaged her and dropped off her favourite drink and she said \"its over\" because I said it was over yesterday over text (which I did not). I told her several times that I did not say this and to pinpoint exactly in our texts when I said this and she said she said I did it indirectly. I apologized to her if she interpretted things wrong but I did not mean that at all. She insists that it was me that broke things off and says that now I want her back and that I have a sudden change of heart.\n\nIn any case, I've attached a screenshot of the whole convo. It would give me so much peace of mind if someone can critique this objectively and verify if what my GF says is true. I am at my wits and so dumbfounded at how we're both interpretting this differently. My only conclusions are:\n\n- she genuinely misinterpretted things due to her emotions getting in the way\n- she won't admit she screwed up\n- she's looking for an excuse to break up\n\nSome context to the conversation: We were supposed to meet up before she went to dinner with her parents. Up until the very last minute, she flaked out on me. This is literally upto the last minute as the earliest time she could've met up with me is 5:30 and she was supposed to have dinner at 6 (which I found out after, I thought thye were meeting at 7). Cooincidentally, I chose to meet up with parents around after meeting her\n\nHere's [part 1](http://i.imgur.com/kFwdonB.jpg), and [part 2](http://i.imgur.com/MfjouqX.jpg) of the conversations\n\nTLDR; Girlfriend thinks I broke up with her based on the convo on the two links above. Please confirm that she misread things or not", "answer": "You overreacted, and your girlfriend exhausted her supply of guilt and began to feel attacked. \n\nNext time, if she fucks up and you'd like to stay in relationship with her, say \"that really sucks\" and drop it till you can communicate without whining about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdg8l", "comment_id": "dipjw1o"}, {"question": "[33/m] My girlfriend [26/f] hit me..", "description": "We were on and off one year together, she punched me two times and shoved me against the door once..\n\nI am bigger then her and obviously can control my anger and I know better than to hit her back and face jail time..\n\nWe have just broken up and apparently she doesn't feel much real remorse over the violence episodes.\nWe broke up because after the last violent episode, I threatened to call the police and she became a bit paranoid about it, claiming that I want to ruin her life and that I am the cause of her problems..\n\nI gave her three options: Go see a psychologist, I call her mother or I call the police.. \nShe said \"Call the police, I don't care, and if you want, call my mother but I won't do it\".. She did research a bit to get a psychologist, to which she said: \"I will go get your answers but then I want nothing to do with you, you've made my life a living hell for one year\"..\n\nWhen the last violent episode happened, I even told her that our relationship would be put on hold , for her to get herself treated.. Her remorse lasted about 30 min. She did apologise sincerely for it, though. She never meant to harm me, I know she has a hard time releasing her anger.\n\nI also made it clear that I would support her with the psychologist solution, regardless of the relationship.\n\nI find it incredibly hurtful that she can't truly own up to her mistake and makes me wonder whether she is a sociopath or not..She does not blame me for the violence, but she blames the relationship for bringing it out in her\n\nWas I wrong to threaten to call the police?\n\nEDIT: I didn't call the police, I just threatened her because I saw no other option. I do not condone violence, on any gender.", "answer": "she has HUGE issues. yes, call the police if she's out of control.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ojy29", "comment_id": "dcjx9wo"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions.  If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy.  \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches.  If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable.  \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative.  Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based).  If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit).  You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc.  It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "e4a10en"}, {"question": "Ice Cubes 11th Step: On Awakening", "description": "Ice Cube\u2019s 11th Step: On Awakening\n\n***ON AWAKENING LET US THINK ABOUT THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AHEAD. WE CONSIDER OUR PLANS FOR THE DAY.\n\n\u201cJust waking up in the morning gotta thank God.\nI don't know but today seems kinda odd. (SELF ESTEEM, FEAR)\nNo barking from the dogs, no smog,\nAnd momma cooked a breakfast with no hog.\u201d (SECURITY)\n\n***BEFORE WE BEGIN, WE ASK GOD TO DIRECT OUR THINKING, ESPECIALLY ASKING THAT IT BE DIVORCED FROM SELF-PITY, DISHONEST OR SELF-SEEKING MOTIVES.\n\n\u201cThinking will I live another twenty-four?\u201d (AMBITIONS, SECURITY, FEAR)\n\n***IN THINKING ABOUT OUR DAY WE MAY FACE INDECISION. WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DETERMINE WHICH COURSE TO TAKE.\n\n\u201cI got my grub on, but didn't pig out. (SECURITY)\nFinally got a call from a girl want to dig out. (SEXUAL RELATIONS)\nHooked it up on later as I hit the door...\u201d (SEXUAL RELATIONS)\n\n\u201cI gotta go cause I got me a drop top, (AMBITIONS)\nAnd if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop. (PERSONAL REALATIONS)\nHad to stop at a red light, (SECURITY)\nLooking in my mirror not a jacker in sight.\u201d (FEAR)\n\n***HERE WE ASK GOD FOR INSPIRATION, AN INTUITIVE THOUGHT OR A DECISION. WE RELAX AND TAKE IT EASYT. WE DON\u2019T STRUGGLE. WE ARE OFTEN SURPRISED HOW THE RIGHT ANSWERS COME AFTER WE HAVE TRIED THIS FOR A WHILE. WHAT USED TO BE THE HUNCH OF THE OCCASIONAL INSPIRATION GREADUALLY BECOMES A WORKING PART OF THE MIND.\n\n\u201cAnd everything is alright.\u201d (HAPPY, JOYOUS, FREE)\n\n***BEING STILL INEXPERIENCED AND HAVING JUST MADE A CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD, IT IS NOT PROBABLE THAT WE ARE GOING TO BE INSPIRED AT ALL TIMES. WE MIGHT PAY FOR THIS PRESUMPTION IN ALL SORTS OF ABSURD ACTIONS AND IDEAS.\n\n\u201cI got a beep from Kim and she can f*** all night.\nCalled up the homies and I'm askin' y'all\nWhich park, are y'all playin' basketball?\nGet me on the court and I'm trouble,\nLast week f***** around and got a triple double.\nFreaking brothers every way like M.J.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s interesting to see the selfishness and self-centerdness that Ice Cube is still operating under. This, \u201c\u2026is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though (the alcoholic) he usually doesn't think so.\u201d (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 62) It\u2019s difficult to take this persevering (perseverance is the spiritual principle of Step 11) action daily and we may fail often, but the take-away is to continue to practice. \u201cYou can do it.\u201d \u2013 Rob Schneider\n\n***NEVERTHELESS, WE FIND THAT OUR THINKING WILL, AS TIME PASSES, BE MORE ON THE PLANE OF INSPIRATION. WE COME TO RELY UPON IT.\n\n\u201cI can't believe, today was a good day.\u201d\n\n***AS WE GO THROUGH THE DAY WE PAUSE, WHEN AGITATED OR DOUBTFUL, AND ASK FOR THE RIGHT THOUGHT OR ACTION. WE CONSTANTLY REMIND OURSELVES WE ARE NO LONGER RUNNING THE SHOW, HUMBLY SAYING TO OURSELVES MAY TIMES WACH DAY \u201cTHY WILL BE DONE.\u201d\n\n\u201cSaw the police and they rolled right past me.\nNo flexin', didn't even look in a n***** direction as I ran the intersection.\u201d\n\n\u201cDidn't even see a berry flashing those high beams.\u201d\n\n\u201cNo helicopter looking for a murder.\u201d\n\n\u201cTwo in the morning got the fat burger.\u201d\n\n\u201cEven saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp\nAnd it read Ice Cube's a pimp!\u201d\n\nNotice this miraculous shift in awareness and connection now. Ice Cube\u2019s Spiritual Awakening, of the educational variety, is now taking form. Notice Ice Cube\u2019s Higher Power at work in the following excerpts from his 11th Step inventory. Reflect now on how when Ice Cube is following the directions his consequences that he paid for in absurd actions and ideas start to dissipate. He is no longer in self-centerdness and his thoughts are on others. Because he is now connected again to his H.P he doesn\u2019t even notice nor is concerned or in fear of the Los Angles Police Department (Institutions). Ice cube is stopping, pausing and asking for direction and he is now aware of beautiful things on this earth that he wasn\u2019t able to recognize before, such as a message on a blimp in the sky which is congratulating his accolades for the day. This message is straight from the Goodyear company. See, even large corporations are aware of his spiritual prowess on this day! He\u2019s even eating healthy, hence no more unmanageability in life! So Amazing. So Powerful!\n\n\u201cWith the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven\nSeven even back do' little Joe.\nI picked up the cash flow,\nThen we played bones, and I'm yellin' domino.\nPlus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.\u201d\n\n\u201cDidn't even get no static from the cowards...\nCause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me.\u201d\n\n\u201cLeft my n***** house paid.\u201d\n\nWhen Ice Cube is in 11th Step action and spiritually connected the 11th Step promises manifest and he is able to roll sevens and elevens in street craps because his Higher Power makes that possible. He is protected and fear has been totally and fully removed regarding the negative unspiritual individuals that tried to terminate his life the day before. Also, no person in the entire city of South Central Los Angles dies when Ice Cube is working his program as his Higher Power\u2019s grace is extending through him and effecting everyone that he knows.\n\n\u201cThe Lakers beat the Supersonics.\u201d\n\nA little historical fact: This day happened in 1992 when the Los Angles Lakers were struggling as an organization. Their record that year was 39-43. They finished 5th in the NBA Pacific Division. However, the Seattle Super Sonics that year finished 55-27, and reached the playoffs as the #3 seed in the Western Conference. Hence, proving that they were a more dominant team. But that day, when Ice Cube was extending spiritual principles and fitting himself to be of maximum service to all things, his Higher Power allowed, his home team, the obviously inferior Lakers to win that day. The promises do come true!\n\n\"Picked up a girl been tryin' to f*** since the twelfth grade.\nShe didn't hesitate, to call Ice Cube the top gun.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s powerful to note that a woman that had no interest in Ice Cube since they were in high school is now is comparing him to Tom Crusie\u2019s hero character, Maverick, in the movie Top Gun, a 1986 production that won a plethora of awards. Women fall all over Tom Cruise, because he is spiritual. Again\u2026 the A.A. promises! Ice Cube has now reached Spiritual Gangsta status because he let go and let God!\n\n\u201cI was glad everything had worked out...\nToday was like one of those fly dreams.\u201d\n\nIce Cube admits that he feels like he is living in a dream world. It is important to reference page 25 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, \u201cWe have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we have not even dreamed.\u201d Would Ice Cube be feeling this way if he wasn\u2019t in spiritual action? The answer is no, no he would not. Live and let live.\n\n\u201cToday I didn't even have to use my A.K.\u201d\n\nIce Cube is definitely practicing \u201cprogress not perfection\u201d as he has not even committed one single murder today nor fired a round from his firearm. Easy does it.\n\n\u201cToday was a good day.\u201d\n\n\u201cWe are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works - it really does.\u201d (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 88)\n\nThen entire 11th Step promises are summed up perfectly in one sentence on the final entry of Ice Cube\u2019s 11th Step. This is the best detailed explanation and communicated definition of a Spiritual Awakening that I have ever heard. It is definitely way better than any explanations or descriptions that any of the personal stories give in the Big Book. Additionally, I must mention, exponentially better and more informative than Bill Wilson\u2019s.", "answer": "Hahaha!!! I wish I had your imagination and creativity....or spare time!!! Hilarious stuff!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "cb5e23", "comment_id": "etdng7b"}, {"question": "When/how/if to stop taking citalopram", "description": "Hello, I'm a 23 year old female and have been taking citalopram since last August, so here is my story - I visited Greece July last year and ended up in the medical centre having ecg and an xray as I was having v bad pains in chest (basically thought I was having a heart attack) turns out it was just anxiety which I had never suffered with before in my life. So I got home from Greece and saw my gp straight away who signed me off work (I put the anxiety down to a v stressful job which was also a v unpleasant place to be). After my second visit to the gp he prescribed me with 10mg citalopram- it took me a while to pluck up the courage to take these as I've never been one to rely on tablets but enough was enough and I wanted to get better. So fast forward to around November time things were good, I have a new job and I am feeling a lot better but then I was hit with some bad news in the family so again went into meltdown and went upto 20mg of citalopram. So here we are now 10 months on from my first episode and I feel like I'm a new girl. I feel like I've found myself again and I am the best version of me, apart from now suffering with severe ibs. I've learnt how to deal with anxiety (I suffered mostly with health anxiety), I'm in a great job, and I feel like I can deal with whatever life wants to throw at me. So what I want to know is, do I have to stay on citalopram forever? Is there a recommended amount of time to be on it? Is there a possibility that my IBS could be linked to the medication(as it's only since I started taking it that I have suffered)? I dont necessarily want to be taking these tablets for the rest of my life but also dont want to try run before I can walk. Any advice will be greatly appreciated", "answer": "The recommendation for treatment of anxiety is 6-12 months past full remission of symptoms. Most recent evidence seems to suggest longer, but it's not the strongest evidence. It's something to discuss with your doctor. You can lower the dose gradually and see how you do. It's always possible to wait longer and then stop it; it's also always possible to restart it if you find your anxiety worsened without it.\n\n​\n\nIt's possible that the GI effects of citalopram are causing/mimicking IBS, but SSRIs like citalopram are also recommended treatment for IBS, so it's hard to know.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "btqkaa", "comment_id": "ep1dcaz"}, {"question": "How can you keep seeing a psychologist?", "description": "They charge something like $100 an hour, every week... that really adds up. How can I justify allowing my family to pay those kinds of fees for me?\n\nI don't meant to sound unappreciative, or rude. But I wonder if it's making me feel worse allowing my family to suffer the costs simply because I suffer from mental illnesses? (depression and anxiety... to a very debilitating extent)", "answer": "Many psychologists offer sliding fees to fit your financial burdens, although as a business- they have to make money.\n\nMight try seeing a Master's level therapist (LPC, MSW, etc) - they are just as good and cost less (the only real difference between a psychologist and a counselor is that a psychologist has a degree to to research and can offer more assessments)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sgtf9", "comment_id": "c4fca3r"}, {"question": "Just took a blood test and was wondering whether i have diabetes or not?", "description": "hi I'm 27 years old, 5'7 tall/short, and weigh just under 250 Ib, for the longest time my diet consisted of 1L daily intake of juices and carbonated drink + junk food. the other day there was a thread on reddit about diseases and shit, and it quite frankly scared me, so today i decided to take a blood test for diabetes, i've eaten breakfast at around 7:45 am, and drank coffee around 9:00 am, i didn't eat anything afterwards until i took the test at around 5:00 pm and these were the results:\n\nhttps://i.imgur.com/byeUK4W.jpg\n\nso am i diabetic, or has allah bestowed upon me a new life?", "answer": "Assuming that \"FBS\" is blood glucose that's a normal reading and you're fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9g32st", "comment_id": "e612ki4"}, {"question": "Academic Accommodation at University", "description": "Hi, I am currently in the process of submitting supplementary forms into my application for university. I saw the option for applying for Academic Accommodation and ADHD was one of the disabilities that was covered. I have never really received any special accommodation in elementary school and secondary school, so I am not sure I really require it.\n\nHave any of you applied for support in school like this before? If so did it benefit you?\nWould you suggest doing so? \n\nTL;DR: University applicant wondering if he should apply for academic accommodation based off of his ADHD.\n\nEdit: I have now talked to my guidance about it today and now he is going to be contacting the teacher who deals with this kind of stuff frequently.\n", "answer": "I could not recommend applying for accommodations enough!  I had accommodations while in high school, and didn't want to pursue them in college because \"I didn't want to feel different.\"  It was worst choice I made.  I knew I was able to comprehend and do what was asked of me, I just needed more time than others to do so.  When I returned to school after taking time off, I applied for the services and I a significant portion of my success to these accommodations.\n\nAfter speaking to a counselor and verifying my diagnosis, I was given time and a half on tests in a quiet and private room (when available, which was more often than not); permission to use a voice recorder during lecture; and have a volunteer note taker.  I am starting my first semester of grad school next week and I know these accommodations will continue to be invaluable to me.\n\nTL;DR:  Apply for accommodations.  Even if you think you can do without them, it is better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them.\n\nBest wishes!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2slc79", "comment_id": "cnqqo9r"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Sorry re delay. I am delighted and its getting easier. Still the usual cravings but much less at the front of my mind. Things better with family life too. Hopefully they will stay like that!! How are u getting on now? What are u doing to replace the booze? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "e0m6tzs"}, {"question": "Listening to people misunderstanding each other is torture", "description": "So I'm one of those people who lose all sense of inhibition when I'm with friends, but hanging out with people I don't know as well makes me fold into myself. I find it impossible to speak and would rather go unobserved. \n\nWhich makes it all the more irritating that my brain is so quick to jump to conclusions and understanding what people are saying before others are. I cannot count the amount of times I've been infuriated listening to conversation where two people are talking past each other, both not realizing that the other is completely missing the point or they're talking about two different subjects. Sometimes to move them along I just straight up explain to them what the other is saying because I'm so impatient to get this convo going. Rude? Maybe. But God, guys, why are you still discussing this! Why does no one in the room seem to understand what the conversation is actually about! Get a fucking move on!\n\nNow the worst thing I know is people who interrupt (sorry, interrupters, but it's super annoying), so I'd rather sit there suffering than finish someone's train of thought for them, but GOD is it tempting. ", "answer": "Feel you on this one! Hence why I am now being a marriage and family therapist! I can now use it as a gift to help others haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9nsnp4", "comment_id": "e7p1tfm"}, {"question": "Am I the only one making sacrifices?", "description": "\nI (22F) have been with my bf (25M) going on three months and I'm wondering if I'm the only one making any sacrifices in our sex life.\n\nHe was pretty forthcoming early on with his expectation of sex every day. He sees this as an important part of a relationship. I thought this was unusual as my previous bf didn't expect sex every day. I'm usually pretty good with reciprocating his sexual advances, but sometimes I just don't want it. He sometimes makes comments that makes me feel guilty about not wanting it (joking or not!).\n\nHe refuses to wear a condom because he says \"it feels like taking a shower in a raincoat\". As I am unable to go on the pill due to being prone to migraines, I opted for the implant so as to ensure I don't get pregnant. I've been having major side effects from it and am considering getting it removed (bf does not agree with this - but I don't care because it's MY body that's being wrecked). I'm also not very keen to try other birth control methods such as the IUD.\n\nI get pretty uncomfortable during/after sex \"down there\". It feels like I've been stretched out and it slightly burns (a torn feeling?). This torn feeling lasts at least a day and if we have sex while it still hurts, it gets so much worse and/or he can't even get inside me. I suggested we use lube to see if that helps but he says he prefers \"natural lubrication\" and that we should just do more foreplay. I can definitely say more foreplay doesn't help. I'm unsure of why this is happening since I do tend to get extremely wet. I've never had this problem with other partners, though I've almost always used condoms, and he is larger than my previous partners.\n\nLast night I actually discovered a pea-sized lump just below my clitoris that hurts when I touch it and is very uncomfortable if I sit or stand a certain way. I'm not too concerned at this point but I will go see a doctor if it's still there in a couple of days.\n\nI've had various STI tests in the last couple months (all clear), but my bf has never had one and is not open to it. He says he's clean because he's never noticed any symptoms and I've tried to tell him that he wouldn't necessarily have any symptoms and could still have an STI. I'm concerned because he is so clearly against wearing condoms and has had around 6 sexual partners.\n\nSometimes I just feel like I'm there as a tool for him to get off. I regularly feel shitty after sex even though I'm pretty sure I love him.\n\nI'm seeing him tonight and am unsure of how to bring all this up.\n\nTL;DR - bf won't get STI checked even though he refuses to wear condoms, wants sex every day and makes me feel guilty when I don't want it, I get sore regularly and he won't use lube. Noticed a pea-sized lump below my clit. How do I bring it all up to him?", "answer": "why are you with this guy?????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wg2py", "comment_id": "dm7svvr"}, {"question": "My anxiety makes me feel that I am running out of time and I am only 21", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I can tell you that I've often felt the same way, although I'd say in comparison, you're probably putting a lot of stress on yourself at a younger age than I did.  \n\n\nKeep this thought in mind.  Your brain isn't even fully formed until you're in your early-mid 20's.  Is it reasonable to expect that you meet some of these major life goals shortly after your brain just finished fully forming?  \n\n\nI felt very similar in the search the love, knowing exactly what I wanted to do, feeling like I should be financially secure (own a house, own a car, etc.)\n\n\nI'm almost 33.  Married for a little over 2 years now.  When it comes to love, looking back, had I pressured myself to \"find love\" and get married in my early 20's, it would have been one of the worst decisions I would have ever made and by this point would have surely either ended up divorced or living miserably.  \n\n\nI'd say the 20's are your years to experiment.  Figure out who you are, try new hobbies, travel some, date a lot of people to figure out what you want/need in a partner.  Once you've met so many of these goals, you don't have the time, energy, or aren't able to do many of these things after, but no matter how old, you can do them before.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "cn74pu", "comment_id": "ew89gzg"}, {"question": "So I was told 'thoughts cause feelings and you are thinking all the wrong things'", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Honestly I do believe that we can learn to have  control over how our thoughts impact our feelings and vice versa. You can easily 'feed' insecurity and negative thoughts through action, words, and thought. You can counter them with positive self talk, and that is evidenced based shown to be effective in combating negative emotions and thoughts. self talk is a big part of recovery, and we often are not our own best friends.\n\nPart of what I think is helpful too is to learn to be less sensitive about our mental health. Yeah it sucks and feels like a criticism, but it's not unwarranted nor is it meant in jest if someone has a suggestion or comment on our behavior. We need these opportunities to grow and learn from our mistakes to beat this. And we definitely can overcome it\n\nTo add on to this, I work in addiction recovery. A lot of my clients are addicts that do want to be clean but continue to relapse and make the same mistakes. The problems are less about drugs and more about their underlying issues and how they approach the world. Mistrust, dishonesty, stubbornness and rigidity, desire to take the easy path, lack of patience... among many other things, all play a role in recovery. You can be sober but if you keep acting with those behaviors and thoughts, you will relapse and you will never heal, you will continue to struggle. \n\nI think bpd is similar. If we continue to let this disorder guide our behaviors and thoughts we never find our sense of self, never form our own identity, and forge our own path ahead. My favorite part of DBT was 'opposite action', where you literally do the opposite of how you feel. And it fucking works. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ar8b03", "comment_id": "eglf2z5"}, {"question": "I'm [m/30] fed up with my wife [f/33]. I've asked her for years to get a job and she's never done it and she is always \"sick.\"", "description": "Unfortunately not my first time posting here. \n\nA quick backstory. My wife and I went through a whirlwind romance. I adopted her child and we have one together. We've been married now a decade. About four years ago my family dropped a bomb on us with some disgusting revelations about my uncle and my sister. Shortly after my wife had an affair. We are now three years out from the affair. \n\nOriginally when I was living off my parents and we had our own child, I told my wife she didn't have to work so she could spend the time with our child. Once our child started Pre-k, I told my wife the she needed to find a job. Now three years later, she still hasn't found a job or really looked. She uses the excuse that I work too much or that she wouldn't make enough to justify the expense. \n\nMy wife is also very sickly as of the last year. Bad enough to the point where I made her go to the doctor and get a full run up done just because I felt like she was sick all the time. Of course the test came back negative (there is nothing wrong with her). But her streak of sickness continues (i.e. had the \"flu\" twice this year, but never test positive; had multiple bladder infections, but never tested for one; and constant headaches and stomach aches). \n\nIt has just been A LOT lately. \n\nTo top it off she's on diet pills, started smoking (i HATE smoking), and has started drinking a lot more (2-4 times a week).\n\nI'm just generally unhappy about where we are right now. I've talked to her about the job and she says she is going to get one (but hasn't even done a resume yet or started looking), she knows how frustrated I am with her \"sickness,\" and makes me feel bad every time I doubt her sickness. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I love her and feel like I'm to the point where I have accepted her for who she is and what she has done; however, i just don't feel like things are even. I would KILL to have a day off where I just sit on the couch and be \"sick\" (I have TWO high stress jobs), but I can't not work. ", "answer": "if she's sick and NOT taking care of herself, the rel.  is in big trouble. how patient do you want to be? what's going to change???", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sorf2", "comment_id": "ddgtx72"}, {"question": "I need help with my relationship. My boyfriend[M/24] and I [F/26] have been fighting A lot.", "description": "He always wants to hang out with me when we are home alone. I tell him I'm writing jokes and want to be alone and he still bothers me. He will sit on my bed and talk. So we argue over this. I cook him dinner and he never eats it, yet always asks me what's for dinner. So we argue.\n\nItsgotten to the point where I sleep alone in the seperate room and tell him I want to be alone. He will then barge in and try and sleep with me. I tell him no and no, yet he doesn't take that as an answer. Last night he went in when I wasn't paying attention and turned the futon down into a bed and we argued over this.\n\nOn top of all this he co stantly complains we don't spend enough time together even though we have date nights, go to his parents for dinner, and watch house of cards together. I just don't know what he is complaining about.\n\nI love him, but its getting to the point where I can't stand him. What should I do?", "answer": "couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "768azq", "comment_id": "doc1pee"}, {"question": "Hung out with a girl and made it awkward now what?", "description": "I don't know how to undo the issue and I feel kinda bad about it", "answer": "Find out if you have any shared interests.  Make a plan to do that.  Even if not,  suggesting something like games or recreation activities are generally great date ideas if you're on the younger side.  Mini-golf, shooting pool, going ice or roller skating, or anything along those lines.  They give you something to do but also the opportunity to talk, get to know each other, and flirt as opposed to say watching tv or going to the movies.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "938xg3", "comment_id": "e3cyoo4"}, {"question": "How much can I tell my wife's psychiatrist?", "description": "My wife has suffered from depression for years. The severity fluctuates -- at worst, she's suicidal and has attempted it before. She's headed there again. I've been through these attempts before, and the signs are clear. Problem is, she stopped taking her medication about six months ago, and has been lying to her psychiatrist about it. I've been supporting her decision and not ratting her out. But, now that she's sliding down so fast, should I tell him? Part of me says yes, because she clearly needs medication, but another part of me knows that if I did that she'd feel so betrayed that she'd become suicidal right now. And by that I mean she'd get a hotel room and kill herself, like she's threatened to do many times before, and not give me the opportunity to intervene like I usually do.\n\n", "answer": "Ultimately, you know the situation, your wife, and her doctor better than any of us. You will have to ultimately use your judgment on what's going to keep her safe and alive. \n\nI would suggest talking to her psychiatrist, if you feel he would e sensitive to your concerns. Maybe you two can come up with a plan to help her? Either way- he needs to be aware that she is not taking her medicine for him to help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ivnl4", "comment_id": "cl60l7e"}, {"question": "Choosing between Masters in Social Work vs Masters in Counseling", "description": "I am a 24 year old Skills Instructor (working with adults with disabilities) with a BS in Psychology looking to go back to school and get my masters. My ultimate career goal is to be an independent couples counselor working out of my own home or a private office.\nI originally was planning on applying to a state university program for counseling but was recently told that if I want to be independently contracted then clinical social work is a better program to apply for.\nSo, marriage and family counselors of Reddit, what's your advice for the best path to go down to get where I want to be? What're the next steps I should be taking?\n(I live in MASSACHUSETTS if that makes any sort of difference licensure wise)", "answer": "Oh boy. This is sort of a loaded question. I got my LMHC in MA after getting my Masters in Counseling. I also live in MA. My understanding of this is that with your SW degree you have an easier time getting independently licensed and can use that in a multiple states. With your LMHC you have to get independently licensed in each state which may or may not mean returning to school. I've heard from LICSW friends that they have more career options and often get paid better due to versatility in their degree. LMHC is less social work related jobs and more therapy jobs (although they can be somewhat interchangeable, as in doing more of a LICSW job now and am an LMHC, and plenty of LIs do therapy).\n\nPersonally I don't regret getting my LMHC but wish I had more information on the differences during grad school. I think it's more of an access to jobs difference, but maybe someone had better information than I do. \n\nI can answer anything you'd like I know about LMHC track, so feel free to ask! :) I practice in MA and have had my license for about a year. I just started my own private practice, so it sounds like we have similar career goals!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6ve7iu", "comment_id": "dlzqxug"}, {"question": "Case of the EX", "description": "So I've been dating a guy for 9 months and we're both 29. When we first started dating he was very open about still being in contact with his exes as they were friends before they started dating. Which was weird but I was ok with it. I feel like lately his communication with one ex in particular has increased. Should I ask him about it? Should I be concerned?", "answer": "Yes, and Yes. Do you trust him? Is he committed to you? Plans for the future? Never be shy about asking questions when you have feelings about something.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "626fp0", "comment_id": "dfk1p36"}, {"question": "Is there any permanent damage caused by smoking weed twice.", "description": "I really regret smoking weed the 2 times I did it. Each time was separated by about a 3 month time period. No tobacco mixed in it, just joints, and both times were after work so I shared the joint with some friends so I never smoked an entire joint.  If I remember correctly I'm pretty sure I only puffed on each one three times or twice even.  \n\nThaaaaat being said, even though I enjoyed the feeling, I feel like ive tainted my body.  And ive done some research and the fact that inhaling any kind of smoke is bad for you Ive established that I would not be doing it again.  In fact I am a bit surprised by the amount of people who will defend weed smoking and act as if it has virtually no ill harm towards you when in reality it does.  Smoke is smoke.  \n\nBut yeah, would there be permanent damage left behind, for example any irreversible tar in my lungs, or chemicals in my blood.  I take my general health to high regard, it truly is priceless at the end of the day its all we have.  I'm currently 24, and I did this last year.  \n\n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Just twice? Then practically zero chance. Theres probably bigger risks in breathing in polluted city air than what you did.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5b3b", "comment_id": "dl2mma1"}, {"question": "Are hypnagogic hallucinations a sign of schizophrenia?", "description": "I'm 19 and have been diagnosed with health anxiety and a panic disorder. My main worry at the moment is schizophrenia. I've noticed that I sometimes hear sounds that aren't there when I'm falling asleep. I googled it and it seems like its a \"common\" experience (according to a study it's up to 70% of people who experience it, just can't recall it). However, I can't find anything about if it's linked to having schizophrenia or not and it's making me quite worried. I also have a history of derealization (I don't experience it anymore thankfully). Could this be a sign of schizophrenia in the future?\n\nP.S. I'd go so far as saying that my panic disorder has now been cured. I haven't had a panic attack in almost two years now.", "answer": "Well, hearing sounds that are not there is a symptom of schizophrenia. However, this does not sound like a symptom of schizophrenia to me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dxt5h3", "comment_id": "f7wfxml"}, {"question": "Loosing faith in Alcoholics Anonymous relapsed at 28 days", "description": "I have been going to AA almost daily and really trying to stay active in the program and credit the program for helping me get to 28 days sober. I have been dedicating a lot of my time to make meetings and stay active in AA while ignoring my other problems I need to fix. \n\nYesterday I was trying to work on my problems and had a lot of emotions come to the surface and I was feeling really depressed, lonely and hopeless again. I decided to call some people from AA to talk about the problems I was having and the only answer they gave me was \"go to a meeting!\".\n\nThat was the first time I felt like I was in a cult or something like that. I came to realize that instead of drinking to escape from my problems and feel better I am using AA to feel better and not have to deal with my issues. \n\nMoving forward I am going to continue in AA but I think I will only go about 2-3 days a week. I honestly think it helps and I enjoy meetings but it is not going to solve the problems I am having in my life. It will help me to deal with some issues but its just one tool for me to maintain my sobriety. I will take what helps me but leave the rest. \n\nHas anyone ever experienced something like this?\n\n\n", "answer": "Where are you in the steps? The meetings are irrelevent without the steps.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h3bkk", "comment_id": "caqfbau"}, {"question": "My therapist said I couldn\u2019t have PTSD without being injured or seeing someone be injured in some way", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The DSM definition of PTSD was based on the experience of American Vietnam War Veterans, many of whose PTSD was caused by exposure to violent death. So, technically, if you have not been exposed to violent death, you can't fully qualify for the diagnosis. However, of course you can have a post trauma reaction to other traumatic events and they do not have to include violence. DSM is mostly mute about this possibility and doesn't provide for it explicitly, and if you're being technical, you'd have to diagnose Other Specified Trauma or similar. \n\nThe entire category of trauma disorders is political in nature and many legitimate types of trauma disorders have been unrecognized because the political will to recognize them has not been sufficient. I recommend you read Dr. Judith Herman's brilliant and brutal book Trauma And Recovery for an overview of this topic which is covered in the early chapters.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "gir4ko", "comment_id": "fqh5bo8"}, {"question": "Should I Forgive her, and how do I?", "description": "So here goes nothing. I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years and just recently about 3 months ago we had our child. We have plans on getting married and the whole nine, but recently she admitted she cheated on me once. Let me explain. During the beginning of her pregnancy she was actually extremely mad at me because of it. Even to the extent to where she broke up with me for roughly 2 months, now during those 2 months she was completely avoiding me and telling me we were never getting back together. For some reason I had a feeling that during that time she was seeing someone. And she was, she admitted to me she \"made out\" with the guy and they saw each other frequently during this time. She said they only \"made out\" once ,but once they left one another he would kiss her on the cheek. She tells me she feeling like the worst mother and person in existence because of it, she says it wasn't her, she did it because she came out pregnant and to extent was trying to forget it all. I told her I forgive her, but sometimes I think about it and it infuriates me and kills me, during the time she was doing that I was trying to find ways to win her back and was actually buying a engagement ring. She did tell me she stopped it as soon as she became sane and she says she thinks about it constantly and regrets it all with ever inch of her. And she swore on her life she would never do anything remotely close to that ever again. But it still haunts me, trying to forget what she's done.  I want to believe her, I want to be with her because she does make me happy and she is a very important person in my life, and she's the mother of my daughter. But I don't know how to deal with the constant image and what If she isn't telling me the whole story. (The child is 100% mine)", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67me1k", "comment_id": "dgrp6q6"}, {"question": "Anyone overcame BPD?", "description": "Hey. Idk how much more I can take this agony of emptiness. I feel dead. Like nothing I do has meaning. I feel depersonalized. Has anyone overcame this?", "answer": "Every day that i can. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5rcov3", "comment_id": "dd68avv"}, {"question": "58 days, Is it possible that I did permanent damage?", "description": "Before I start, I apologize for the long post, but I hope people take the time to read because I'm starting to freak out. \n\nI've posted two times now about my recovery process..once when I was 2 weeks clean and when I was 45 days clean. I'm now just about at 2 months sober, but I feel like my brain has had such minor recovery.\n \nI'm currently 21 years old (just about 22)and started smoking when I was 16. I didn't start using daily until I was 17 & 1/2. I can remember that one day during my senior year of high school, (during my smoking consistently every day period) where I chose not to smoke in the morning, however I felt as if I was kind of high. My brain wasn't functioning normally and it almost seemed as if I was experiencing the mental effects of being high, but not the feelings of being high. \n\nI talked to my friend about how I didn't feel right and he told me how you can feel foggy for a couple weeks after smoking. It was strange though because I had been smoking for a year, (only on the weekends) but didn't feel the negative after effects until I started using daily. \n\nI then continued smoking practically eeevery day for the next 4 years..and now I'm here..2 months clean with the sense that I'm never going to feel 100% because I started daily use at such a young age and that some connections in my brain are irrepairable. \n\nI don't know how to describe it other than feeling overall less intelligent. My night vision seems worse, my senses are dulled, my brain just feels like it's running at half speed. \n\nI think the thing that worries me the most is that I have no withdrawal symptoms other than feeling like a dumbass. Do other people feel this way? I've brought this up to my friends who I would smoke with all the time and they say that they don't feel any different and that it's all in my head. On the contrary though, I KNOW that it's not all in my head based on my comprehension of every day life. \n\nI just can't live with the thought that I permanently damaged my brain from personal decisions and that I will never be the same person again. How could I have been such an idiot. Will I ever have my old brain back??? Most people seem to be feeling better as time goes on, meanwhile I'm worrying more and more. \n\nSorry for the long post guys, I'm just looking for some truth and maybe similar experiences. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "Around 60 days I felt like the \"fog\" lifted, this was after smoking multiple times daily for approximately 2 years. It takes time. If you're concerned I suggest visiting the doctor. Otherwise find some other things to occupy your time and attention and exercise your brain as other commenters suggested... The more you worry the larger the problem will start to seem. Give yourself something enjoyable to focus on instead.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "66beim", "comment_id": "dgh99wz"}, {"question": "Looking to start therapy, have a few questions on what I should look for", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Therapists and psychologists are pretty similar and can both work with you\u2019re difficulties. If you are interested in sex therapy AASECT is the organization that certifies sex therapists. You can search on there for one in your area. A good book that I would recommend is \u201ccome as you are\u201d by Emily Nagoski. She also has some great videos and Ted talks.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "evqwme", "comment_id": "ffxfwrx"}, {"question": "[34/M] looking for advice about wife [29/F]. No abuse, no cheating, nothing wrong but just not great.", "description": "Obvious throw away account but I really need to ask some advice and I can't reach out to friends (most are mutual and the others are guys who aren't really the kind I can ask this about) or family (not close, not helpful).\n\nI am 34M and I really dont know what to do about my relationship with my common-law wife 29F.  Our relationship is fine; no one is cheating, no one is abusive, no one is even neglectful. We have been together going on 7 years, we were best friends before we started dating and we still are.  But for the last little while (12-18 months), I just feel like that's all we are, if that. I care about her and I love her but I just dont know if I am in love with her anymore.  \nWe do not have alot of the same interests; TV shows, movies, books, hobbies etc.  We do not talk alot anymore; not that we ignore each other or do not spend time together, we just do not seem to have anything interesting or engaging to say to each other. We are still attracted to each other and have sex fairly regularly but it doesn't have the same \"pop\" it did.  \nWe dont have kids; though we do have pets.  We dont own anything together (except a car) and dont really have any debt. \nIt would be painful but not extremely hard (finanically or legally) to get out of the relationship.  But I am not sure what to do. \nIs this just normal? Do all relationships just become routine and bland with time? I am just suffering from \"grass is greener\" syndrome? \nI have tried to talk to her about this but I dont even know how to explain it to her.  \"Sorry honey, I love you but I find you boring?\" \nAny help?", "answer": "i think you just have to be pro-active about doing new things and sharing new experiences. you prob. fell in love while you were doing fun activities. hopefully that formula works again.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "650rw5", "comment_id": "dg6m8q1"}, {"question": "Do you think mental illness is romanticized?", "description": "In my opinion, people, including me, romanticize their own mental illness to help themselves cope with it. I\u2019m in a master\u2019s level mental health degree program and my professor put an image up today that stated \u201cit\u2019s hard to let go of the demons inside you because they were holding you when nobody else did.\u201d And he asked us all what we thought of it. \n\nI raised my hand and stated that I believed this was a romanticized view of mental illness. I think that we romanticize  as a way to cope with what\u2019s going on. Because in reality, our mental illness, our \u201cdemon\u201d is not helping us in any way. But sometimes we take on our mental health as our identity because it\u2019s comforting to us and it\u2019s what we know. It can be scary to break into a normal or healthy state of mind. \n\nWell, when I stated this, a classmate became angry and felt like I was invalidating her experience, as she had self harmed when she was younger and identified with the quote. \n\nNow I\u2019m confused because I\u2019ve had my own share of mental health concerns and I didn\u2019t mean to invalidate anyone. But I do believe mental health concerns are romanticized when there\u2019s nothing romantic or sweet about them. Opinions?", "answer": "As a therapist I would say yes.  It is definitely romanticized especially for younger folks.  A few reasons I think this happens is when musicians/artists/celebrities etc. begin to open up about their mental illness.  Many individuals both young and old believe that mental illness is a precursor or necessary for creativity to the point they wish for or look to experience mental illness so that they can be like their role models.  In reality, those artists/musicians/etc would be creative regardless and would trade away their mental illness in a heart beat because it hinders their ability to create.  \n\n\nAnother aspect of it is that whether you legitimately have a diagnosable mental illness or just believe that you do, it makes you feel special, like part of an exclusive club.  For folks who are struggling developing their sense of identity, this is something folks are drawn to.  I remember once working with a teenage client who had their diagnosis tattooed on them.  I didn't have the heart to tell them that diagnoses change regularly and I was fairly certain the diagnosis tattooed on her wasn't even correct.  \n\nAs far as the quote goes, it does make sense in the way that some people are more comfortable with the uncomfortable situation they know than one that is unfamiliar.  It  does also seem to continue to romanticize mental illness which I think does a disservice to those who struggle by minimizing it to some extent.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9jjbb2", "comment_id": "e6slz01"}, {"question": "How best to be sensitive to friend who hears voices", "description": "I'm making a new friend, and she's had to leave school on account of hearing voices and panic attacks in crowds, as well as fainting  and feeling judged. I ask because this is somewhat new so I'm not entirely clear on how it works, and she's been more or less fine every time I've seen her; besides sympathy is there anything else I should be doing/bear in mind?\nI'm not the most mentally healthy person I know, so it's not as though my perspective on what helps is entirely that of an outsiders That said, I don't experience any of these things in particular.\n", "answer": "The answers to those questions probably depend on your friend. I'd say, ask you're friend how they want you to address that issue. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "219mwi", "comment_id": "cgcwxxx"}, {"question": "DAE play YouTube videos in the background so they don\u2019t feel so alone?", "description": "When I\u2019m alone at home doing homework or chores around the house, I always have YouTube videos or podcasts playing in the background because it makes me feel less lonely. \n\nDoes anyone else do this or am I just weird? Lol.", "answer": "... Yes. I feel guilty about it too for some reason", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bdack7", "comment_id": "ekypz6l"}, {"question": "I am 22 and snapchatting this 15 year old Irish girl overseas...is this wrong?", "description": "She is really attractive and I am not doing anything sexual or asing for anything sexual. ", "answer": "you don't want to lead her on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmzh2", "comment_id": "dbp3upm"}, {"question": "ADHD meds with anti-anxieties/anti-depressants?", "description": "Weird question. \n\nI\u2019m a 22F with anxiety, depression, PTSD, combined presentation ADHD. My ADHD is 99th percentile per the DSM-IV, so medication has been recommended. Weight is 125 pounds, height is 5\u20194.\n\nI\u2019m on 150 mg Zoloft, 150 mg Welbutrin (it helped with the sleepiness i got from my Zoloft just a bit)\n\nI know SSRIs and ADHD meds can be problematic. Are there any ADHD meds specifically that are made for this purpose or ones that have a decreased likelihood of negative interactions?", "answer": "There is no problem combining stimulants and SSRIs (and Wellbutrin), and that combination is common. Wellbutrin is also used for ADHD, but it's less effective overall than stimulants.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ez98sg", "comment_id": "fglz0cn"}, {"question": "Can I hold a bag of weed and not use any of it? Pass up a spliff doing the rounds? Yes I can \ud83d\ude0e I believe I just leveled up.", "description": "Day 23 here and today I took possession of a bag of weed for my brother in law who lives with me and helps out on my farm. It is a thank you gift as he enjoys his smoke and it isn't a problem for him. \nI sat with him whilst he had a smoke, I could smell it, I could almost taste it .... And yet I'm ok. \n\nI can do this. I wasn't sure how it would be but it's ok ... I don't want to smoke weed anymore. The addict in me does but my voice is louder. I feel like today is a breakthrough. I've been tested and I've scored gold \ud83d\ude01", "answer": "If you have a bunch of levels already it's a win. With less than a year of sober actions and risk catching, this sounds massively misguided and really scary. Each person's sobriety is their own thing but this smells just like the addiction trying to convince you it's gone. \n\nRelapse usually comes on the back of three conditions which means proximity/access alone is never the problem by itself. \n\nCongratulations because each win is a win but this set off my Spidey Sense. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b7bo3o", "comment_id": "ejrowp5"}, {"question": "What are the steps to becoming a therapist?", "description": "I'm looking to retrain as a therapist - I'm 27! - and COVID19 has put my current job at threat.The end-goal is to practice in the private sector as a compassion-focused therapist. What are the steps to get me there? \n\nUndergrad degree, then a MA/Diploma in the chosen methodology? Is there a different way to get to this? \n\nAny advice will be so SO helpful xx", "answer": "If you have not completed an undergraduate degree, yup, that's a good place to start! Psychology is a particularly good major option, but there are other totally fine choices such as Human Services or Social Work. \n\nTypically, to be a competitive grad school applicant for a licensable Master's degree, you would want some sort of experience in a helping role with a vulnerable population. This could be work, volunteering, or internships. \n\nThen, you would apply to graduate school. Commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling, MFT, and Social Work. These will usually be about two years.\n\nAfter that, you will need to meet your state's licensure standards, which means, among other things, practicing under someone else's license and getting supervision for your therapy work. The exact amount of time to get licensed will vary by degree path, specific licensure, and state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbe73l", "comment_id": "fvafc8w"}, {"question": "Allergic to people I date or have sex with", "description": "​\n\n* Age - 24\n* Sex - Female\n* Height - 170cm\n* Weight - 80kg\n* Race - Caucasian\n* Duration of complaint - 2 years on and off, depends if I am dating someone\n* Location - All over my body, mainly face. Currently in Finland\n* Any existing relevant medical issues - No\n* Current medications - None\n\nRelevant photos:\n\nThis is how my skin would get after being with someone for two weeks in a row.\n\nIn the first one, you see my skin is red all over, and it felt like a reptiles skin. It was very painful all over and **no** **lotion, steroid cream, tacrolimus cream or steroids would make it better.** (It's my upper body only wearing a bra, possibly NSFW)\n\n[https://imgur.com/yunTpTM](https://imgur.com/yunTpTM)\n\nThe second one is of my arm a couple weeks after the first photo, where it just starts to look like eczema.\n\n[https://imgur.com/pzxKRkt](https://imgur.com/pzxKRkt)\n\n​\n\n**How it started**\n\nSo, this first started 2 years ago, when I got into a relationship with a guy and started getting weird allergic symptoms. When ever I would spend time with him, my eyes would get super itchy and it felt like something was in my eye all the time. I would also get a rash all over my body, which could not be stopped with lotions or allergy meds. I sometimes felt that maybe allergy meds would make it more bearable, but I am not sure if it was just placebo effect.\n\nSoon we realised he was causing the symptoms and I thought it was some substance he used that would make me react this way. However we tested it, by him using anti dandruff shampoo all over his body for a week before seeing me, not using deodorants and me giving him my clothes when he came to my place, in case it would be laundry detergent. None of this made any difference. We had to end it, because he didn't want to see me suffer.\n\n​\n\n**Right now**\n\nThe first case was about 1,5 years ago and after that I have seen about 20 men (didn't sleep or have sex with all of them) and basically all of them have given me all sorts of symptoms. It could happen only after 1 night of being with someone. The first symptom I get nowadays is usually just itchy eyes and lips, and about three times I have gotten an **allergic shock reaction** on my face. Meaning my face is bloated and I can't open my eyes properly, but there is no problem with my breathing.  Also the area above my lips would get very itchy and start **producing pus**. It takes about two weeks to heal from that. I am right now recovering from a bloated face and somewhat itchy skin, because I slept with a guy for two nights a week ago.\n\n​\n\n**What the doctors have tried**\n\nI've also been to hospitals due to this, I was checked into the dermatology and allergy hospital of Finland for two years, where we were testing different lotions on me, none of them made a big difference. Doctors suspected sperm allergy, but sperm doesn't give me any symptoms. They also did the **prick** and **epicutaneous** tests on me, but I was only found allergic to nickel. They also put me to a **UV light treatment**, which supposedly helped, but I wasn't seeing anyone during that time. I went to a dermatology hospital in France, where I have been living on and off for the past two years as well. My face was bloated again and the doctor only prescribed some lotions and said it was just eczema. The doctors in Finland also came to the conclusion that it was just eczema, that sometimes flares up due to stress. But me, I see a clear correlation between being with men and the symptoms, the doctors just won't believe it.\n\n​\n\n**My own thoughts**\n\nI have read that it is possible to be allergic to another person's proteins, but it's very rare and I don't think that is my case, because it comes from basically every man. I've also later on went on two trips with the guy, from whom I got the symptoms first two years ago. We've slept on the same bed and I've had sex with him maybe twice, however I no longer get symptoms from him. Despite this, neither on of us wants get into a relationship again. This has made me suspect that there might be something wrong with my hormones. Also because there was one guy, who I was not interested in at all, but had sex with him and slept in the same bed for a month or so, and got virtually no symptoms.\n\n​\n\nSo yes, during this time I have become quite depressed, cause I don't know what this is, what to do or how to relieve the pain. The only choice for me has been just to endure it and live with the fact that I probably can never be in a relationship again. So if anyone would have any idea what it might be, any hint is welcome.", "answer": "A lot of people are posting inappropriately here. No shaming. No insulting. Nothing.\n\nAny further comments that are out of line will lead to bans.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ba4ddb", "comment_id": "ekaabus"}, {"question": "How to help someone who\u2019s completely given up.", "description": "My boyfriend of 5 years has been on the decline for the last 4 1/2 years. Both due to his past and a sudden sickness that took away his ability to eat his favorite foods, he\u2019s an insomniac and never has energy. He just wanted to die, he hates who he is I feel like I do try really hard to make his life better by coming up with good food, were together all the time. He doesn\u2019t really have other friends, WILL NOT see a therapist I have asked many times. I\u2019ve tried to offer or suggest things to do but he\u2019s so closed off. Idk what to do... any tips to help break this cycle?\n\nAs a side question does electric shock therapy work? I\u2019ve done some reading and was hoping he could try it, tho I think they force you to go to therapy.", "answer": "Depression is so hard ! It just sucks the motivation out of people.  Even if he wants to get better , he may feel helpless and hopeless , which makes it even harder .\n\nYou mentioned a physical illness . Is that being managed? Is his doctor aware that he is this depressed? I have no idea what his health condition it, but it would important to rule out a health condition or medication that could be impacting his mood. \n\n\nWould he be willing to talk to someone online? It may feel less intimidating.  Perhaps you can make an agreement that if he attends X sessions , you will lay off a little bit .\n\nRe ECT , it is not an option right now if he has not first tried therapy and frontline med options.  The long-term side effects are really intense.\n\nHe is lucky to have you ! Supporting and loving a partner through depression is hard work.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpon4i", "comment_id": "flmelgt"}, {"question": "Happy Valentine\u2019s Day to me - 6 months sober today \ud83d\udc95", "description": "From drinking every day for years to half a year not drinking at all!!! It\u2019s insane to me that I\u2019ve made it 6 months and I\u2019m so proud. I couldn\u2019t have made it without /r/stopdrinking and I\u2019m extremely grateful. \ud83d\udc95\n\nI don\u2019t think I realised how bad I was until I quit. I was regularly drinking multiple bottles of wine or blasting through spirits and thinking nothing of it. Hiding it from others, stealing booze, topping up bottles with water, the list goes on. I was always hungover and although I considered myself functioning, now I know I was operating at 60% capacity at best. Alcohol sucks the life from you and it never made me happy, not in the long term. \n\nQuitting is the best thing I\u2019ve ever done!!! If any of you are on the fence about stopping, trust me, it feels amazing. Life is sooo much easier. There\u2019s so much more time, energy and drive! \n\n~\n\nHere are some changes I\u2019ve noticed directly stem from sobriety: \n\n- I am content. Even happy. My depression has abated and my anxiety has improved\n- Increased clarity, ambition, direction and focus\n- My blood pressure\u2019s improved loads\n\n- More consistent with my skincare routine, brushing my teeth at night, etc \n- Finances improved, am hitting my savings goal\n\n~\n\nAnd some indirect positive changes. These are things I might have done while still drinking, but I don\u2019t think I would be doing them so well: \n\n- Finally started my driving lessons and working on getting my license (I\u2019m 24 so it\u2019s about damn time)\n\n- Applied for PhD programmes and have two interviews coming up - yay!!!\n\n- Generally doing really well at university and at work \n\n- I do more exercise, and generally eat better / am healthier\n\n\n~\n\nThe things that suck are that my parents are still heavy drinkers. It\u2019s painful to watch especially when you are doing so much better and wish they had the same. \n\n~\n\nAlso, my cravings aren\u2019t bad at all now. Occasionally I\u2019ll get one but it\u2019s usually because I\u2019m hungry or thirsty and those are easy to fix. Thinking about drinking makes me feel physically sick now, and really anxious. Sometimes I think I might start again or try things here and there but I take it one day at a time and that\u2019s all you can do. I also don\u2019t feel out of place at drinking occasions now. I\u2019m fine with my mocktail, or I leave early, or just don\u2019t go if I don\u2019t wanna, lol. I put myself first \ud83d\ude4c\ud83c\udffc\n\nMy next goal is a year! This has almost turned into a personal challenge, and I enjoy that, plus it\u2019s a good thing to tell people to get them off your back. \n\nThank you everyone and happy Valentine\u2019s Day to you all \ud83d\udc95\ud83c\udf38", "answer": " Congrats on the PhD interviews. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "aqk1hg", "comment_id": "egif28g"}, {"question": "Newly diagnosed, feeling overwhelmed.", "description": "For the first time in my adult life, I was able to simultaneously hold down a job with insurance and find the wherewithal to see a shrink and be honest with him.  He said PTSD before the first hour was up.\n\nI've had these problems, the anxiety, the memory loss, the insomnia, the depression, the shitty impluse control, for the last 14 years.  It was an amazing experience, at first, to have a diagnosis and to be able to stop blaming myself for these problems, but now I'm just feeling like there is too much work ahead.\n\nTo those recovering; how did you get there?  Do things really get better?  Will I be able one day to sleep an entire night? Live without fear of panic attacks? Remember where I put my fucking keys?  Stop hurting those who love me by forgetting what I said, or lying to cover my tracks?\n\nRight now it just seems like one session a week is laughably inadequate to deal with 14 years of maladaptive behavior.  I need a little hope. ", "answer": "Hey, you've taken the first step, which is an excellent sign.  Now you know what you're dealing with, and you can start the healing process.  Have a little faith in your psychologist, but more importantly, have a lot of faith in yourself.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29c3ia", "comment_id": "cijspwt"}, {"question": "Why I think antidepressants are bad", "description": "First off, I realise that some people who think that antidepressant are good might feel that this post would be harmful (should anyone take it seriously), but I believe that antidepressants are harmful, and I have some experience with depression and antidepressants. Admittedly I am just one person and I'm sure there are plenty of large scale scientific studies support ADs, but I want to share my personal experience.\n\n.\n\nMy experience with depression has led me to believe that, most of the time, depression is causal; from your situation, rather than there being something wrong with your brain. This isn't just based on my own experience. I think most people who suffer from depression don't openly talk about it (not because they fear stigmatisation but because they don't want people's pity) but when I started discussing ADs with my friends, I was so surprised how many people said \"Oh, yeah. I was on those. Were you on SSRIs?\". When I asked these people about it more, it was almost always because of a break up or a bereavement or some other issue they had (e.g. body image issues). In my case, it was a lack of agency. When I left school and got a job, my depression faded. It's not gone. It's a part of my personality. But it doesn't ruin my life anymore. It is now even perhaps a source of strength. I feel like I have developed coping mechanisms that help me deal with shit that \"healthy\" people who haven't been through the same hell, lack. I still have to stay on my toes, but I don't embrace depression like I used to.\n\n.\n\nWhen I was severely depressed, and I realised that drinking half a bottle of whiskey everyday, wasn't a great idea, I went to the doctor. I got the 10 point questionnaire and was diagnosed and given a prescription within 15 minutes. I took ADs for a short amount of time (some months, I can't remember exactly). I will admit that I went into it incredibly skeptical, and I was thinking about the placebo effect often. Now while I will admit that this skepticism could have caused a negative placebo effect, what occurred to me was that all the side effects that the drugs had, might be crucial to the placebo effect (assuming, with my skepticism, that the drugs have no real therapeutic effect). I have read that sugar pills that I really big or brightly coloured have a much greater placebo effect. I think that the dry mouth, low energy, and lowered libido give the sufferer evidence that the pills are doing something, even if the only real effects are negative. I wanted to give the drugs a good shot, despite my skepticism I was desperate, so I stopped drinking when I started taking them. This is something good that came out of it, even though it didn't help my depression, but I think that I could (or should) have been able to give up drinking on my own or by some other method that wasn't potentially dangerous. I still drink now, but I don't have spirits in my house, and I will sometimes go days without drinking.\n\n.\n\nThat's the anecdotal part, but I also have some philosophical insights. Something that kept running through my head when I was depressed was that I was 'broken'. I think that taking ADs only goes to serve this cognitive misappropriation. While medicalising something that is so painful and so all consuming is simple and comforting, I don't think that it solves the problem and could even make it worse. While there are definitely some medical conditions that cause depression as a symptom. Depression itself isn't a disease, in the same way that alcoholism isn't a disease. If you look at the amount of people who are diagnosed with depression (I don't have the exact numbers on me, but we both know that it's shitloads), what are the chances that a figure like that is accurate? And it is a figure that keeps rising, even with the increased use of the drugs that are supposed to stop it. If you are in that group, consider the possibility that, in this case, the medical consensus might be wrong. You are not broken.\n\n.\n\nNow I know how palpable the pain and fear are when you are depressed. But when you are cut, it isn't a disease, but it really does hurt. The pain is real. And the pain of depression is just as real, and perhaps worse. But the source of the pain; is a cause. The cut might be from a thorn, and the depression might be some trauma or some kind of affection you were deprived of, but it will heal. Of course, first you must remove the thorn, and this is alot simpler in the physical world. However, if you agree with me that depression is causal, and the cause is some shitty aspect of your life, you don't necessarily have to take any actions at all. I think that positive action is good, but you can also change your perceptions of things, with no effort whatsoever. You can decide to stop being afraid, or at least take the first step and decide that you don't want to be afraid anymore. You can decide to get up and walk around the block... just once. You can decide to help someone.\n\n.\n\nWhen you recognise that your depression is causal, and not because your brain is broken, I think you will feel a significant sense of power over your destiny. You will deal with the bereavement. You will get over that break up. And if you just have a shitty job, then at least you know that the problem is that you need a more fulfilling job. Even if you can't leave that job because of your responsibilities, at least you know that there isn't anything wrong with you. Anyone with your intellect would be depressed in that shitty job. Either change it, or change your perception of it. The challenge is identifying the cause, which isn't always apparent.\nI do have some thoughts on why depression is getting more prevalent is today's civilised society but I realise that this is already way too much text and that few people will read it.\n\n.\n\nEdit - Paragraphs.", "answer": "While I agree that sometimes depression is due to external factors, that is not always the case. Sometimes it really is due to an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, and often medicine is the only way for people to be able to function in any way approaching normal. But, these drugs should be taken in conjunction with therapy, which tends to be equally effective without medication. It's all about finding what works for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xi641", "comment_id": "cfbox14"}, {"question": "I think the therapist I planned to work with ghosted me - what do I do?", "description": "A few months ago I was shopping around for a therapist when I met with one that I connected with and was very excited to work with. Unfortunately some financial issues came up so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to start as soon as I'd like however I'd reach out as soon as I'm in a good place financially. Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I reached out to let her know that I'm ready if she has any openings. She sent me her availability, I confirmed the date I was available, and I haven't heard from her since. I even followed up again a few days ago to no response. I'm so bummed because I have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support I need. Wondering if I should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if I should let it go and find a new therapist.\n\nEDIT added clarification", "answer": "I agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt AND staying open to other therapists .\n\nEveryone I know is slammed right now.  People are seeking therapy like never before,  and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment.  Even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .\n\nMany therapists are also struggling with other stressors.  Closed schools and daycares,  partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "fkkxhn5"}, {"question": "Bipolar mood stabilizers quickly lose effectiveness", "description": "I'm 27 years old, 4'11\", 97 lb, F, non\\-smoker, no recreational drugs, daily medications: lamotrigine, latuda, carbamazepine, lithium \\(recently discontinued\\), diagnosis: bipolar disorder \\(somewhere between I and II\\).\n\nThere doesn't seem to be an Ask Psychiatry, so I'm posting here \\(feel free to let me know otherwise\\). I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but for the past three years we have been struggling with finding an effective mood stabilizer \\(a situation that is not uncommon, I realize\\). What seems to happen is that a mood stabilizer will work great for a month or two, but then I will relapse. The nature of my episodes seem to change as each year passes but it is difficult to tell if that is its natural course or if that's due to the many medication changes that have occurred. Together, they serve to deaden the symptoms, but every year I relapse to the degree that I become nonfunctional. As a result, every year we have to try a new mood stabilizer or increase dosages. Is it usual to have a mood stabilizer work only for a month, then become much less effective? I've tried three mood stabilizers and one antipsychotic \\(Latuda\\) so far. ", "answer": "Mood stabilizers aren't perfect. Often that means that they're effective when decreasing the frequency and sometimes severity of mood episodes, not getting rid of them entirely.\n\nWhen you say they work for a month, then become less effective, what do you mean? What happens?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8olwem", "comment_id": "e04hm3a"}, {"question": "coming off meds", "description": "i am male 38yrs old,  height 6'0\" i weigh 260lbs idon't smoke... i have been diagnosed bi-polar, PTSD, and general anxiety disorder. possibly BPD as well.  i am trying to come off of my meds because i feel like crap all the time, i am basically a zombie.\n\n​\n\nI've taken lots of different meds, some worked better than others but ultimately failed. I'm currently on lithium, keppra, seroquel and (klonopin as needed). i always feel like crap and my thoughts were to taper off and keep seroquel and/or klonopin as emergency pills... the rest of the pills eventually id like to be done with. my replacement would be exercise and diet. is this a bad idea? i mean, even while i was on depakote a while back, i almost took my own life so, how bad can it really get?  i am tired of meds. also, these meds I'm taking are fairly new... within 3 months so, it shouldn't be a difficult withdraw. any thoughts on this... if i left out info I'm sorry and would respond ASAP. thank you in advance.", "answer": "It sounds like your condition is pretty serious. I, nor anyone else on the internet, can advise you to change your medication regimine, nor can anyone predict the outcome of doing so.\n\nI strongly encourage that you discuss your concerns with your doctor. Even with a slow taper, you may experience some pretty serious consequences. \n\nTapering off meds should always be done under the supervision and guidance of a physician/provider.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkxxtz", "comment_id": "emkga6d"}, {"question": "I know my BPD caused my fianc\u00e9 to commit suicide", "description": "Everyone tells me it wasn\u2019t my fault. Sure, I didn\u2019t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. We were so in love, soul mates. I tried to commit suicide last year and that\u2019s when I was diagnosed with BPD on top of depression and anxiety. I would go crazy over the smallest things. I\u2019m so embarrassed how I acted, I mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. I\u2019ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. I was so attached to him, I wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. We fought a lot about that one. He told me he would never leave me because he knew I felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. He told me I was his only reason to live. I started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. We fought all the time because I was incredibly controlling and wouldn\u2019t let him leave the house. So we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on FB. He came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and I sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. I asked if he wanted dinner as I walked to the kitchen. He declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. He said he\u2019d be back.. but he never came home. I got the call two hours later that he had shot himself. The person he called on the way to do it told me his last words were he loved me and he didn\u2019t understand why we couldn\u2019t get along.\n\nI can\u2019t explain the way I feel, but if you too have BPD, maybe you will see where I am coming from, no one else does.. \u201cit will get better\u201d they say but are you kidding I\u2019m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life.\n\nMy entire world feels shattered. I\u2019m literally losing my mind. I was too attached or maybe too in love because I don\u2019t know who I am anymore", "answer": "Suicide is always a personal choice someone makes to deal with something they don't feel empowered to solve. There are a lot of supports out there he could have utilized. There's always the thought of \"I could have done something different\" but really there's plenty he could have done differently, not you.\n\nAside from that, that's terrible and I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you are seeking the support you need", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9te769", "comment_id": "e8vophs"}, {"question": "Exploding head syndrome", "description": "​\n\n* Age - 24\n* Sex - M\n* Height - 176cm\n* Weight - 76Kg\n* Duration of complaint - About a month\n* Location (Geographic and on body) - India\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - Possibly DPDR\n* Current medications (if any) - None\n\nHi,\n\nRight before when I fall asleep I hear voices which are loud and involuntary, not always but have occurred many times. It's not continuous, just a single comment or something. It's scary and wakes me up. For example, some scenario is running in my head and I'm half conscious and I'm about to give a reaction( let' say \"wow!\"), but then before I say it, the voice pops and says it out aloud and it wakes me up. It almost feels like someone else is in my head and watching the exact same thing as I am and just gave up his reaction earlier than me. The voice, when it all began sounded like somebody else's but now it sounds like my voice, as if in a recorded audio. Also, I have been seeing ghosts in my dreams more often these days, with a common theme, as if they are trying to suck away my soul or possess me. When I add 1 + 1 it scares the hell out of me. I was recently on Veniz XR 75 and I while I do think it's somehow withdrawal symptoms, but it started when I didn't even completely withdrew only  reduced the dosage from 75 from 37.5. Please tell me I'm not going schizo.", "answer": "Unusual experiences when falling asleep are fairly common and normal, and hearing voices is one of the most common forms of hypnagogic hallucination. No kind of dream is particularly associated with any problem except certain kinds of nightmares with PTSD. Exploding head syndrome is a particular hypnagogic hallucination (probably; it's not well understood) that happens to have a strikingly strange, but not very descriptive, name.\n\nThis could be due to the reduction in Veniz (venlafaxine) dose, but it also could be unrelated. In any case, nothing you're describing sounds concerning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbek7r", "comment_id": "ekic5bt"}, {"question": "The NIH says \"People are most contagious for the first 2 to 3 days of a cold.\" They also say \"Cold symptoms usually start about 2 or 3 days after you came in contact with the virus\". Are you most contagious 2 to 3 days after contact, or after symptoms?", "description": "Source: https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000678.htm", "answer": "After contact I think, which can mean that you might be asymptomatic when contagious. Otherwise it could be argued that the common cold can be contained with reasonable precautions rather than being the global killer it is.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5pjdv8", "comment_id": "dcrku32"}, {"question": "Could gabapentin possibly be helping my underlying/un-diagnosed depression/anxiety?", "description": "I am x-posting this from r/antidepressants. I hope this subreddit is appropriate for a question like this. I would just like to know medically if what I'm experiencing could be related to gabapentin.\n\nedit: 24/f, 5''0, 160 lbs, non smoker very very minimal drinking.\n\nthe post (edited):\n\nThe last few years I have been very badly down. My highs are okay and my lows are unbelievably bad. I have a very intense financial situation and a lot of things have gone wrong in the last few months. It made me stress several times a week/per month and i would get so anxious and start spiraling over little things. I have not gone to a doctor because I don't know how to bring up the bad feelings with my primary. He is kinda scary. Plus the appointments are always at least a week after really bad episodes and I just don't feel like seeking help anymore at that point.\n\nRecently I decided to take 4:45 am shifts at work so I asked my mom if she had anything to help me sleep, and she did...300mgs gabapentin. I know you're not supposed to take other people's prescriptions so I looked it up to see if there was anything that screamed for me not to take this drug. It seemed okay. I didn't know what it was or what it was for before i started taking it 2 nights ago, just that it would knock you cold within an hour of being taken. I planned to take it for 2 or 3 nights to switch my schedule to early early mornings. It knocked me out pretty good.\n\nToday and yesterday I've had a surge of energy and motivation like I've never had before. I bought two journals to do some self-education over the summer and have some fun being creative. I've been craving productivity, and even my friend has noticed I'm more 'upitty'. The weirdest thing is how often i'm *laughing.* I'll laugh at my own jokes or sense of humor so much harder than I have, I'll find videos that would have previously extort a smile from me to instead invoke actual laughter out loud, by myself. I can't remember the last time I found something that funny. The most important thing though, is despite how bad everything is, I feel okay. Like I feel like I'm gonna get through it. I had not attributed the feeling of goodness to the drug yet...I think it's just a possibility. I stopped using depo provera around 9 months ago and It could be because I'm off birth control that I feel better. My mom has been less stressed about work so she has not come to me as often when she is stressed (in turn, giving me less to stress about) If this drug could be doing something for me, I want to know if it's something I should consider talking to my doctor about. If it's unlikely, then I'll just ride everything out for a little bit. I will stop taking the drug once I have solidified my sleep schedule.\n\nPlease let me know your thoughts. Thank you!", "answer": "Gabapentin is used off-label for anxiety, and I have seen it work very well for some people. I haven't seen or heard of it used for depression, although it sees a little bit of use for bipolar disorder. Could it be helping? It's conceivable; it also makes sense that if your anxiety messes with your mood and your anxiety is improved them overall you're able to feel better about things. No, you shouldn't take someone else's medication, but having done so it's reasonable to take that information to your doctor to see what can be done with it.\n\nIf your primary doctor is scary and you can't talk to him then there's at least a little bit of a problem. That's one anxiety that hopefully is better so that you can let him know what's going on and hopefully get helpful input.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "971b9u", "comment_id": "e44uxpy"}, {"question": "Prescribed Kolonopin. Have I messed up? Taken too much over time? Scared of withdrawals", "description": "** as mentioned below I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24. Just looking for some advice/comfort here to help me last until then **\n\nSo on 4/5/18 I was prescribed .5mg of Clonazepam (Kolonopin) twice daily as needed. \n\nI took half of a dose the first day, Thursday (so .25mg)\n1 pill on Friday (.5mg) (4/5)\n1 pill on Saturday (4/6)\n1 pill on Sunday (4/7)\n1 pill on Monday (4/8)\nNone on Tuesday (4/9)\n1 pill on Wednesday (4/10)\nAnd then none until tonight, 4/16. I took half (.25)\n\n(Sunday - Tuesday is hard to remember though, but counting my pills I have 54 left and I started with 60)\n\nStupidly, I deceived to research how habit forming and addictive these can be and it\u2019s starting up my anxiety again. I didn\u2019t realize the long half life can actually make you more dependent and addicted. \n\nI\u2019m now worried I\u2019ve taken too many and I\u2019m scared I\u2019m gonna experience withdrawal symptoms. I don\u2019t plan on taking one tomorrow, but I\u2019m worried about what is going to happen. \n\nI have been prescribed benzos before (about 8 years ago) and used them very sparingly - they wound up expiring. That\u2019s how little I took them. \n\nI\u2019m worried that me taking 6 in 12 days (some consecutively) of this benzo has / will negatively effect me. \n\nIf your experience have I over done it?? Will I experience those scary withdrawal symptoms?\n\nI do have an appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24 so I just have to hold off until then, but just to hold me over for the week I\u2019m looking for some comfort before my anxiety sky rockets causing me to want to take another (but I won\u2019t) \n\n", "answer": "It's extremely, extremely unlikely that you're going to go through withdrawal from taking a low dose less than daily on average for less than two weeks.\n\nYou'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8csxo2", "comment_id": "dxhm1bm"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Gratitude is a beautiful thing! I remember realizing that I actually had more paper towels to use after I ran out, or even had paper towels to begin with. When I was at my worst, spending money on paper towels was not even on the radar. Crazy, but thinking about this small thing really gave me perspective on how much I had changed.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "c1qmv7", "comment_id": "erfljvf"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Follow what your doctor says, if you don't feel well, call your doctor and talk to them. Your doctor knows you better than we do. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83ngdf", "comment_id": "dvj5xip"}, {"question": "What Help is available through the NHS in the U.K. To stop smoking cannabis.", "description": "I have been smoking for 20 plus years and need help to quit, I have tried traditional methods 100 times over and nothing has even helped..so decided to visit the doctor.\n\nThe doctor didn't seem trained or equipped to handle something like this and responded with \"have you tried cutting down\" that's it and seem to want me out as quick as possible....just to outline I have a good job and was impeccably presented that day in a suit as it was in between appointments, I don't look like the average I would say. \n\nThat felt like a slap in the face....I guess like saying to someone with depression, have you tried being happy or just snapping out of it, or to someone over weight have you tried portion control or eating less.\n\nI Just wondered if there is anymore help available and If i have a crap doctor, or they just generally don't have the training or knowledge to help as they seemed very uninterested and I felt as though I had forgotten more than she knew on the subject.\n\nAny help gladly received", "answer": "UK addictions psychiatrist here.\n\nWhich part of the UK are you (the provision of addictions services are surprisingly varied)?\n\nIn practice, it is about graded reduction of consumption of cannbinoids. Biologically speaking, theres no medication or substitute prescribing necessary to come off cannabis.\n\nOn the other hand, there's the psychological aspects of addiction, and you might find the supports available for nicotine smoking to be useful. Also finding a way to fill the time when you smoked is useful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x5vgj", "comment_id": "degzfaq"}, {"question": "Bipolar disorder", "description": "Was wondering if anyone could help me. I'm 15, male. I've been depressed, anxious, self harming and suicidal since early August. Since then I've had episodes. I can either be severely depressed and have negative thoughts and be non functional, or very happy and productive and the changes happen very fast. It's like two extremes and there isn't a grey area. I also have been hearing voices for the past month or so, but in the past week it's been intense. It sounds like a young woman next to me saying 'kill yourself' or 'you know it's the only way out'. Could this be a sign of bipolar disorder? I'm seeing a counsellor and they think it's a voice if given my thoughts but it's gotten extremely intense in the past few days and I'm concerned. These 'episodes' last anywhere from 2 days to a week. I made another post and had a few comments saying it could be schizophrenia or something, but I forgot to mention the massive mood swings.", "answer": "I noticed your other post too. Where do you live? You see a counsellor, but do you see any other professionals? What (psychiatric/non-psychiatric) meds are you on, if any? Any other medical history? Do you smoke/drink alcohol/use any drugs at all? Anyone in your family with mental health illness?\n\nIt could be lots of things actually. Im wary of diagnosing you from your posts as it's much better to be careful for someone your age.\n\nGive us as much info, and ill reply thereafter.\n\nEdit: Noted you are in the UK (England) - how much of this does the GP know?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58shvu", "comment_id": "d92wdc7"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It\u2019s not usually reveled to minors when part of an IEP. I had mine done as a kid because I did exceedingly well in topics I enjoyed and below average in topics I didn\u2019t. So they wanted to assess me for a learning disability. Turns out I just had a hard time paying attention and focusing on certain topics. \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "eo778z", "comment_id": "fe9zsjp"}, {"question": "Do I have marfan syndrome?", "description": "I'm a 25 year old caucasian female. height: 170 cm weight: 53 kg.\n\nRecently my mom learnt that she has ascending aortic aneurysm (45 mm). After reading about aortic aneurysms I found that they are linked with marfan and I noticed that I have a lot of features of it. I'm trying to decide if it's worth getting genetic testing. Here is my features and my family history.\n\nMe:\n\nI'm skinny-ish, especially in my arms. I have a long narrow face. I have high myopia (-4.75 right and -5.00 left) and lattice degeneration in my left eye. No problems with lens. I have mild scoliosis (18 degrees). I have minimal pectus carinatum type 2 (chondromanubrial) but my doctor wasn't confident about it. He said since it's not exaggerated he can't say for sure it is outside of the normal range of shape variation. I have \"flexible flatfoot\" (I think that's what the doctor said). My elbows extend beyond 180 degrees. I am positive for the bending pinky sign and wrapping wrist sign and the thumb-touching-inner arm. I am also positive for the thumb-extends-out-of-closed fist thing if I pull my thumb. My arm span-to-height ratio isn't in marfan ranges (arm span:166 cm, height: 170 cm). I have been wrestling and boxing for more than seven years and never suffered dislocation injuries. No heart problems. \n\nMy mom:\n\nShe is 49 years old and obese (h: 160 cm w: 79 kg). She has bicuspid aorta valve (since birth) and high blood pressure. Bicuspid valve is present in one of her relatives as well. She doesn't have any other feature of marfan than aortic aneurysm.  One of her sisters though has the same chest anomaly that I do. No serious complications related to marfan appeared in her family.\n\nMy dad:\n\nHe is 50 years old and obese (h: 181 cm w: 102 kg) but he used to be skinny when young. Even though he is obese now he has very thin wrists. He has the same flexible flatfoot as me. He has a long face. He says he used to be very flexible when he was young, and dislocated some joints playing football. His arm span/height ratio is normal. High degree myopia runs in his family (greater than -5.00) and one of his brothers had a detached retina (after getting kicked in the eye by a baby). No heart problems or serious complications related to marfan in his family. \n\nSorry for the long post. If you need to know anything else I can provide it.", "answer": "You should be evaluated for Marfans and Vascular EDS. NAD but I have significant family history of AAA.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "buzdvl", "comment_id": "epvbmqk"}, {"question": "How do you handle a coworker who rudely orders you around?", "description": "There is a guy who I work with who calls me and tells me to do things for him. It's not a problem to do the things he's needing me to do because it's my job. The problem is the way he's saying it. We're coworkers on the same level, and he just rudely orders me to do stuff instead of asking me, saying things like \"You're gonna\" instead of \"will you.\" That may sound petty on my part, but sometimes when I'm really busy and he's doing this constantly it can get very tiresome. It seems like he's one of these really insecure alpha-males who has to get in a dick-waving contest with every other guy he meets. I've told him before that I usually respond better to people asking me nicely if they'd like me to do something as opposed to telling me to do it, but he's still doing it. Should I just quit being a baby and deal with it or talk to him again?", "answer": "Do you have a good relationship with your boss? You might be able to bring it up with him/her.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1cbqz4", "comment_id": "c9fdmz0"}, {"question": "I [23 F] have recently found out, after an MRI scan, have inflammation occurring in certain areas of my brain and a 12 mm (in diameter) non-cancerous, benign tumour. What might come of this?", "description": "Hi, am mentioned above, it's been found that I have brain inflammation and a benign brain tumour. \n\nMy doctor struggles with my language so I felt like I couldn't get some necessary information out of him. I still really like him though, because he sincerely cares and really stays on top of things regarding my health which is rare in my city when you're a poor student who can't pay out of pocket. \n\nI got the scans done because I have been withdrawing off of an SSRI (anti-depressant) with the brand name 'pristiq'. This drug messed me up pretty hard after being on 150mg for 6 months. I felt I'd fallen into a sort of hyper depression and was suffering from headaches and general acheyness. Withdrawing off of it hasn't been much better either- I feel pretty crazy most of the time. \n\nAnyway, are these brain issues something I need to keep track of for the rest of my life? I've been told I have to get scans bi-yearly from here on out. What are the worst case scenarios and the more likely scenarios? Are there any healthy habits I can pick up to help?\n\nWhat can I expect in terms of side-effects. \n\nI know I might be freaking out unnecessarily, but anything to do with the brain feels scary...", "answer": "Yeah I think we all want to see the report in its entirety before we comment.\n\nPS. Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) isnt an SSRI, but an SNRI (but that's beside the point).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sdbue", "comment_id": "dlc18g8"}, {"question": "Any books for self improvement in social settings?", "description": "Curious if there are some self improvement books worth checking out that can help me with social situations and conversation.", "answer": "I [made a list](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/best-social-skills-books). Hope that helps!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ynehz", "comment_id": "c5x7si8"}, {"question": "My mother is 43 years old and recently had an MRI in which they told her she has had a \"small stroke\". She has had ECT treatment about 6 months ago. Could this be the reason they think she has had a stroke?", "description": "She doesn't have any stroke like symptoms. She had the MRI because she has, for years now, had issues with remembering things.  \n\nSo naturally it caught us all off guard when the results came back \"small stroke\".  \n\nCould the ECT have caused a sort of \"false positive\" and maybe shown as a stroke on the MRI? \n\nIf not, what exactly is a \"small stroke\"?", "answer": "ECT would not cause a false positive, and ECT also does not appear to have an association with increased risk of strokes ([Rozing et al, 2019](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30106358)).\n\nA small stroke is what it sounds like: a small area of brain that has died because of lack of oxygen. An MRI can tell new strokes from old ones, but it's not really possible to know whether this happened last year or a decade ago. \"Small\" isn't really meaningful either. The exact location and, to some degree, the exact size can be helpful, but even that isn't the whole story.\n\nSome small strokes can be, or at least seem, asymptomatic. Other times they can produce vague and subtle problems like mild difficulty with memory. The exact details here would require discussion with the doctors involved.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bskxb5", "comment_id": "eoo01of"}, {"question": "When you\u2019re ADHD and clumsy", "description": "Me: whimpering on the ground because my knee really hurts from bumping it into my coffee table\n\nMy bf: laughing\n\nMe: yelling at my dog to stop licking my face while still on the ground\n\nMy bf: \u201cI totally saw that coming because you were walking, then heard the words \u2018women\u2019 and \u2018diversity\u2019 on tv and looked up, so you bumped your knee really hard at the same time.. ok but are you ok\u201d\n\nI\u2019m fine \ud83d\ude0a\n\nAdditionally, I bumped my knee into my file cabinet at work last week and ripped a hole in my new pants when I went to my coworkers desk to water his bonsai tree. I feel so sad for my pants.\n\nTl;dr: I get distracted easily or I\u2019m not paying attention and I hurt myself... often. My poor knees. ", "answer": "Nearly every day I ask my husband to stand at the bottom of our very small staircase and catch me when I jump. Every day he tells me no, you\u2019ll hurt yourself and I say no I won\u2019t, because you\u2019ll catch me! The other day, for some reason, he said yes. I jumped, he caught me, and my knee came up and slammed into the bannister. I now have  a massive bruise which formed basically instantly because I hit it so hard. \n\nGuess he was right. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abebpy", "comment_id": "eczp2g8"}, {"question": "Do I have a Pilonidal Cyst? How urgently does it need trestment?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pilonidal-sinus/", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gq8b4d", "comment_id": "frrc324"}, {"question": "Quick question - Gaming", "description": "Hi All!\n\nI've been reading posts here for a long time and find just so many posts here relatable but am unsure if I would qualify for ADD or not but plan on getting a referral to a psychologist soon (been planning to that for years but soon!) . Bit scared of going if I'm honest :) \n\nJust curious how many of you are gamers and what type of gamer you are? I find I can spend hours and hours gaming but I alternate what I am doing constantly, swapping characters or plans or games and infuriating all my friends!", "answer": "World of Warcraft. Yeah. I'm that guy. I love changing my characters and most of them suck because I don't spend the time getting them good cause I get bored with them.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c1miao", "comment_id": "erecqlz"}, {"question": "What were your supervised hours like as an intern?", "description": "I'm really think that much of the training a mental health professional does is shrouded in mystery and that this lack of information is really harmful to clients.  Specifically, I would like to know what were your supervised hours like.\n\nHow many hours of supervised hours did you need to complete to get your license?\nWhat was the supervision like?\nHow much did you meet with your supervising clinician?\nWhat did you talk about?  How much did you talk about each client?  Was it like 5 minutes per person per week?  More?  How an active of a role did the supervisor take in each case?\n\nI realize that it might be different for those of you who were working with serious cases in clinics or hospitals.  But I'm specifically interested in those who worked at an average private practice.", "answer": "This varies by region and program. \n\nI had about 1500 supervised hours as a practicum student with 150ish hours of supervision.  My internship was 2000 hours , with 1 hour of group sup every week , 2 hours of didactics and 2 hours of individual sup. Then,  2000 hours of post doc with 2 hours of sup a week.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqi0z3", "comment_id": "fxysapp"}, {"question": "I can't sneeze?", "description": "I'm 15, and when i try to sneeze i get the feeling but it won't come out. can anyone help me? ", "answer": "Why is it a problem?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5w3g5e", "comment_id": "de7124x"}, {"question": "I have been thinking and responding to things more like my 2-year-old daughter and here's why it's been GREAT!", "description": "How awesome would it be if we all could think like a 2 year old? Just float around all day without a care in the world and have the ability to just \"let go\" of problems so quickly!\nI think we could all learn how to become better adults by thinking more like our young children as crazy as that may seem.\n\nOur daughter, Annabelle (just like most 2 year olds) can fall flat on her face, while playing around, cry for 5 minutes and then spring right back into whatever it was that she got hurt from in the first place. It's incredible how quickly toddlers can just move forward like this.\n\nEver see a 2 year old holding onto a grudge for longer than a few hours at most? Nope, they become upset, sometimes throw a fit and then it's over. Let's go play.\n\nWe all once felt and acted this same way. I believe that somewhere between the ages of 2 and 21, we learn to think and feel more like \"an adult\". Is that a good thing?\n\nI don't believe so. That's why I aim to let our daughter stay a child as long as possible and as she does start learning about all these new emotions and 'ways of life', I hope to help her retain as much of her creative, toddler mentality as possible!", "answer": "Very insightful. LSD produces this mindspace. \n\n\"Nothing to get hung about...\"", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7at4fs", "comment_id": "dpd7x8c"}, {"question": "Help me to become my best possible self and achieve greatness!", "description": "Hello fellow redditors!\n\n\nForgive me if the title is a tad bit, well, let's say \"sensational\" but I hope to find some serious and very specific advice, catered to my self (That's really selfish, I know)\n\n\n**To get to the point:**\nI want to find and do something in life which makes me forget to sleep or eat. Something I can't stop thinking about no matter what happens. Something I will be obsessed about till the very end and not neglect it one month down the line. I want to find something I can work my ass off for. Something I am willing to give up \"leisure time\" for, cause I won't need it anymore when I find it. \n**How can I find my final obsession?**\n\n\nI have always been a person who can never stick with one specific thing for too long. I'd find something new and make it the focus point of my life but only for about 2 months or so, then I'd move on and find the next new thing (Kinda ironic, huh? Whatever result this thread will bring, if any, will probably end up the same, though I'm really hoping for SOMETHING, but then again, maybe I'm just insane by trying the same thing once again but I want to finally break this vicious circle). \n\n\nYou could say that I'm kinda driven by novelty, though I don't know how to use that to my advantage in my professional life.\nIt, of course, has it's perks, but I don't think that I am utilizing them very well atm.\n\n\nAlso I don't really know how to structure this post, so bear with me :(\n\n\nIf it means anything I'm still pretty young (soon to be 22) am currently studying at a university (though I'm not rly happy with what I'm doing there). I just want something to change. Fk it. I want to achieve something for myself, something I can feel proud of (and I don't mean something worthless degree I can wipe my ass with, things like these don't mean a thing to me. Knowledge + achievement beats a piece of paper any time of day).\n\n\nI know it isn't very realistic to expect someone to find something like that for me, especially without even knowing me, so if you can't give me advice on finding such a miraculous thing, tell me what my best course of action could be if such a thing does not exist.\n\n\n*Additional notes after writing this whole thing:*\nIf I'd rationally try to deconstruct this post for myself the advice I would give myself would be to \"accept that I can't just do one thing and that this is one of my strengths\n\n\nI appreciate every single one of you trying to help this stupid, selfish boy, you are a gift to this earth (and despite my language in this post I'm actually quite a confident person, so don't worry about it)\nThank you very much!", "answer": "people don't stick to things either because they have ADD or a mental illness, or they have an unrealistic expectation of success and excellence.  even people who have a tremendous passion, still have to 'grind it out'. so.... the passion is exciting, but the getting there can be laborious and even boring.  think of a great musician practicing repetitive phrases for hours on end. or a famous ballplayer practicing one tiny component endlessly. or a great scientist doing tedious repetitive experiments.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z8odm", "comment_id": "dewbg7q"}, {"question": "calcium channel blockers", "description": "Age: 24, weight: 210, height: 6'1.\n\nIf calcium channel blockers lower BP by preventing calcium from entering heart cells and blood vessels, how come milk reduces BP if it gives you a lot of calcium? I drink a lot of almond milk but my BP stays around 130-150 systolic and 90-110 diastolic...Exercise 5-7 days a week. Changing up my diet to literally try and consume no salt to see if that helps.\n\nJust checked BP now its at 133/77", "answer": "Milk doesn't reduce blood pressure. Diets containing milk have a correlation with reduced blood pressure, but correlation is not causation and there are many confounding variables.\n\nIn any case, calcium channel blockers work by preventing calcium ions from entering smooth muscle cells in the heart blood vessels. Consuming food or drinks with calcium puts calcium in your gut and eventually in your bloodstream, but the extracellular amount (in your blood) is not what matters; it's the amount that goes from extracellular to intracellular that makes a difference, and that's what calcium channel blockers alter.\n\nAlso, even the extracellular calcium level is highly regulated. Even drinking a lot of milk won't dramatically raise blood calcium levels, which is a very good thing for the safety of milk drinkers.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p3kh2", "comment_id": "e7yuup2"}, {"question": "Long term effects of Red Wine use: is it really as bad as my friend says it is?", "description": "30 year old male who has no happiness in life; anxiety, depression, OCD, Bipolar, Asperger\u2019s syndrome that makes me super sensitive to sound etc....\n\nWhat would be the long term effects of not exercising from Friday to Sunday and drinking .55 liters of Pinot Noir every F/S/SU until I die?\n\nIs it really as bad as my friend makes it out to be e.g. permanently damaging my liver, brain, and body? I take quite a different stance as I believe in neurogenesis and that stress is worse than alcohol. I have a lot of stress, even from past trauma: the alcohol stops me from thinking about it. No therapist as yet has been able to help. I believe in logotherapy, but most therapists don\u2019t do that because they\u2019d rather just bleed you dry than give you a cure.", "answer": "Alcohol has, on many people, negative physical and mental effects. The amounts you describe certainly are above the recommended daily intake levels in many countries (recommendations differ per region).\n\nIn your case, I'd be most worried about the negative effects on sleep quality and consequently risk of inducing mood instability given you have bipolar disorder. \n\nAlso, as you probably know, alcohol isn't known for its beneficial effects on feeling bad (long term).\n\nMy advice would be to ask yourself what your long term goals are and whether wine is helpful or not in that regard.\n\nI personally expect the right therapist can help you, but I understand motivation/expectations can be an issue if you've had some negative experiences in this regard.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7zlkc", "comment_id": "fihenif"}, {"question": "Steve-O says that \"only 5%' of alcoholics/addicts get sober and stay that way long-term. Is this true?", "description": "If so, I'm certainly glad to be part of the 5%!", "answer": "I always get a kick out of percentages. No idea where they get their numbers from. Nobody knows the actual percentages", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d8uy9h", "comment_id": "f1d5eh5"}, {"question": "Marriage Love Life is dying", "description": "I am a 38yo man and my wife is 37yo and we have been together over 10 years now. I work a job that is 4 weeks away and 4 weeks at home which is great because it means 4 solid weeks of interuppted family time when I come home, especially with our 2 kids.\n\nThe past year though my wife has become stand-offish and our love life has become non existant, and no matter how often I try to initiate anything or talk about it, she gets defensive.  \n\nShe says nothing is wrong and for me not to worry about anything, but we end up at the same point again and this conversation just recycles itself.\n\nI try to communicate to her and ask her what she wants but get shut down time and time again which us so frustrating.\n\nI'm at a loss now and need some outside advice.\n\nAny suggestiona please?", "answer": "go to marriage counseling please", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6do4aa", "comment_id": "di486q0"}, {"question": "I wanna beat Anxiety without medication but how? ", "description": "I'm a 20 year old male, and everyday of my life I wake up with my heart going the speed of light for no particular reason. I have taken Xanax, cymbalta and a few others. I just want to get away from these and live a day, without having to drug myself up to get through  it. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know, I am tired of living like this. ", "answer": "Try therapy", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "xasj1", "comment_id": "c5lwif9"}, {"question": "Help?", "description": "My husband and I have no money to spend on mental healthcare for my suicidal ideation, hell we barely have enough to feed ourselves, mostly because my depression/anxiety disorder/paranoia is too deep for me to keep from being fired.\n\nI have tried free hotlines and chatlines, but they are always 'down' or 'out of service'.\n\nI am off my medication by choice because my husband wants children. \n\nThis will be my fourth suicide attempt, previous ones were stopped because of emergency intervention because we had healthcare. This time we do not and I am not sure how to help myself.\n\nI am sorry if this is rambling, I am sorry if you feel this is inappropriate or that my post is worthless, I am only writing this because I have no one else.", "answer": "Hey there, I'm listening. Where are you located, if you don't mind me asking? ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "28nitv", "comment_id": "cicliz0"}, {"question": "I [25f] would like to join a dating service but past bad experiences scare me and I could use some advice.", "description": "I'm 25 and single. I have a full time job and am often busy, but I'd really like to meet someone. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I live in an area where there isn't much to do. I do not like bars. So I've began to consider meeting someone online. \n\nI've tried in the past and had some things happen.\n\nTinder IS a hookup app. Even though I stated in my bio that I was looking for casual dating, and even though I warned all new matches that I was not there for sex....everyone really only wanted sex. So no Tinder. \n\nI then tried OKCupid. \nOn OKCupid, I got a lot of messages from guys who didn't seem like people I would or should match with. If I did respond but there was no connection, I was accused of leading them on. If I didn't respond they'd become irate.  I got a lot of rude messages, and also a lot of nice ones and even went on a date with a friendly guy, but the negativity ended up outweighing the positive aspects.  I wasn't sure what to do and left OKC.\n\nAre paid services better? Should I just try again and ignore the yelling? Should I not even bother going the online route?", "answer": "Online dating sites are great because never before in human history have men and women been able to talk to so many prospective suitors from the convenience of their home. It's a huge statistical advantage compared to past generations. The key word here is 'statistical'.  It doesn't matter how many jerks message you online. [There are jerks everywhere as you know.] Because it only takes one good person to make your life better. Just stay with the process, go slow, be safe, and always meet the first time for coffee in the DAYTIME.   meetup.com for social/recreational activity is good too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6my69v", "comment_id": "dk59k9w"}, {"question": "I can't tell the difference between an irrational level of feelings and rational.", "description": "Having BPD confuses me 24/7. I am just constantly confused about my feelings towards everything. I don't know if the \"amount\" of my sad, irritated, frustrated, or angry feelings are normal or over the top. I know we all feel things on a much more intense level, but what if sometimes it's the same with someone WITHOUT BPD? How am I supposed to know what's the usual or healthy amount of negativity that balanced/mindful people feel towards something?\n\n\nHere's the thing. I've recently learned not to show aggression or hostility towards others, so no one would really be able to tell how I'm feeling. I don't lash out or express my sadness (kind of raised to not show negative emotions too). However, behavioral reaction or not, feelings can still be irrational. \n\n\nHere's an example of what I mean:  Maybe someone you know and like isn't treating you so kindly. Maybe they're just fine but YOU don't think they are treating you well and YOU are being the irrational one. How do you know if you are just being too sensitive or if they are actually in the wrong???\n\n\nI also often get lost in my own thoughts a lot. This is what it truly must feel like to have a personality disorder. I don't know who my consistent self is and although people see me as normal on the outside, my mind is so jumbled that I just spend too much time doing nothing.\n\n\nedit: Thank you all so much for your responses! To those of you going through the same thing, I hope that eventually we can achieve some sort of consistency and grasp on the way we feel about things. To those that offered support and/or advice, I appreciate it so much and am thankful. =)", "answer": "for me i have to question every thought and feeling and most ofthe time, my initial thought or feeling is wrong in some way. i mean not wrong, but the consequences of those thoughts or feelings tends to breed more negativity for myself and others. so i try to let it all go. the best thing is you discover you really are in control of your emotions, maybe not how you feel them but what you can do with them", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2is20b", "comment_id": "cl5nph0"}, {"question": "How do you bundle a cat that won\u2019t lay down for you?", "description": "I need to clean my cat\u2019s ears but, of course, she wont have it. \n\nI\u2019ve tried associating it with treats, I\u2019ve tried giving her catnip to help her relax while I do it, nothing is making it easier. \n\nI cant even bundle her because she wont lay down long enough to do it correctly and she always ends getting out before i get to the first ear! If I could just figure out how to bundle her without her laying down i feel like I could finally handle this", "answer": "I usually put them on a higher surface that I can stand behind them. I put a towel over their back and start wrapping/holding just above the front legs on the chest. This way they can still stand if they are uncomfortable with being held off their feet. I can then hold the towel in place with my arm while I hold the chin/face with that hand and other hand gently cleans. If you have someone to help even better. Give treats and cuddles during. Or use that wet food treat to distract as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hslkel", "comment_id": "fyb7vx5"}, {"question": "Laws re: accessibility in hotels", "description": "Hi all,\nI\u2019m hoping it\u2019s ok to ask these questions here. Short background: I have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. I reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled \u201csecond floor\u201d on the website, and others without label. I maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. It turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when I realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. I left after 45 minutes, leaving a VM on the hotel\u2019s phone # and also sending them and email. In both, I explained the situation and why I left, and requested a refund since I couldn\u2019t access the room. They emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. Should I push back? Are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? Are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? What would you do? \nI am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this.", "answer": "Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. I\u2019m realizing that there\u2019s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as I re-enter society bit by bit. I retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because I was worried it would become a big thing in my head and I\u2019d never do it again. I went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. Kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh?", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "caf6f5", "comment_id": "et9pway"}, {"question": "What do I do ?", "description": "Hi, my boyfriend well ex has been on drugs since he was 13 now he is about to be 20. Whenever I started dating him two years ago he stopped doing them and now after two years he broke up with me and said he does still love me but can't be in a relationship because he doesn't know who he is and he needs time to find himself. He says he doesn't know if we will ever get back together and doesn't want to give me false hopes. He says he doesn't want talk about his feelings and he'll be fine but he tells me this in almost in tears. We have hugged and kissed since then but are still broken up. I don't know what to do. I want to wait for him and give his space until he's ready but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.. the way sometimes he describes himself I sometimes feel he's depressed (he has been before when he was younger and before I met him). Help", "answer": "He knows he has to get himself together before he's capable of being in a rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x4chu", "comment_id": "dmcznzw"}, {"question": "[27/m] broke it off with a girl (27/f) who i care deeply about", "description": "i met this girl who is an immigrant and doesn't speak english 100% but she is good enough that we could have conversations. we stopped seeing each other around memorial day and then ended up getting back together in june for a couple of months, and then she broke it off at the end of july again. this week we have been texting a lot and she asked me to come over last night. i said no because we will just hurt each other again. \n\nsome of the backstory... she came from a very poor central asian country and her ability to support herself and her family back home after coming here with nothing is so impressive. the problem, and why i could never commit 100% to her even though i wanted to, is that she is currently working as a stripper. it has been such a burden in my mind that that is the reason why. but i could never bring myself to introduce her to my family because i know they wouldn't approve. \n\nnot sure what the point of this post/rant is. i'm just sitting here alone in my apartment crying about how i have lost a girl from my life who i truly love because of fear of my family rejecting her. ", "answer": "It's your life. If she was TRULY SPECIAL, nothing else would matter. Perhaps it's you that disapproves....\n\nThese situations are painful because on a person to person level you know there's a nice chemistry. But there are some tangible realities that don't sit right with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wcijo", "comment_id": "dm6ypna"}, {"question": "Do you think my therapist being 100% reasonable? What would you do?", "description": "So around a month ago I overdosed, NOT to die or to hurt myself, but just because I was having a meltdown and felt I needed to be hospitalized. I took myself to the ER and didnt end up getting hospitalized. \n\nSince that happened, my therapist insists that I need a higher level of care and is making me do a dbt group. If I dont do that group, I am not allowed to see him anymore. \nI dont feel the group is best for me, because group settings upset me so so much, I always end up having a meltdown, and I feel like it would do more harm than good. Despite this I would still be will to do a group only if I could keep it separate and not have the therapists talk - but that is not an option. \n\nIm pretty frustrated because I feel like he is only forcing me into this group in cover his ass in case I hurt myself - which I am not going to. Im doing better than I ever have. I have no suicidal thoughts, Im enrolled in school for the first time in a long time, I have a job, I volunteer, all that good stuff. Im trying to get him to compromise with me, but he will not budge. I understand his perspective, but I feel like he doesnt 100% understand mine (I can go into detail of why I dont want this group if anyone wants). As as therapist what would you do in this situation? \n\nIve been seeing him for a year, hes really the only person in my life that I can trust and talk to. Just the thought of getting a new therapist upsets me.", "answer": "Your therapist is ethically bound to demonstrate you are making progress and if not, what steps are being taken to support you. After a suicide attempt (whether your intent was to die or not what you did is still classified as an attempt) it appears that your current treatment plan isn\u2019t enough to support you. Your therapist could be fined or lose their license for *not*taking these steps. DBT Groups are wonderful ways to add skills while you continue to work with your individual therapist. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yc6p", "comment_id": "es4v2xd"}, {"question": "(30F) wants to keep take things slowly, but I (31M) am emotionally involved. Her lifestyle doesn\u2019t leave room for a committed relationship. How to move forward?", "description": "I have always wanted to start a family and have kids, and am actively looking for someone who wants the same. It\u2019s proven hard for me to meet women in the city where I live and I have not been successful in attracting women to me in the last 2 years I\u2019ve lived here. \n\nWe\u2019re both in our early 30s. We\u2019ve dated for a couple of months and I have developed feelings for her during this time which she knows about. She keeps saying that she likes me a lot, is looking for a LTR, and wants to have kids soon, but needs more time to decide whether we can be a couple or not. I have a busy schedule, but would like to spend more time with her (at least 2-3 evenings per week) so that we can get to the point in 4-5 months where we know whether we are ready for long term commitment to each other or not. \n\nBut there are several things about her that make me concerned that I may be being juvenile in thinking that a LTR with her is a possibility:\n\n1.\tHappy Hours: She works for a tech company and goes to different Happy Hour events in the city at least 2-3 evenings every week with different male friends. She drinks more than I would consider appropriate for weekday evenings. She prefers going to these Happy Hour events usually alone with one of her 3 male friends who work in the same industry at other companies, and I am somewhat suspicious of the nature of their relationships. I\u2019ve seen one of them hold her around her shoulder while walking her to his car before giving her a ride home and I\u2019ve seen her hold his hands once another time. When I brought it up with her, she said she doesn\u2019t remember holding hands with him and maybe he held her around her shoulder because she \u201creally needed to be held\u201d at that time. I have multiple female friends, but we always hang out in groups, and we are not physically close with each other the same way she is with her male friends.\n\n2.\tSalsa friend: She goes salsa dancing 2-3 nights every week with another male friend. She seemed unwilling to bring me along the 2 times I\u2019ve wanted to go with her when she was going out with him. She talk about this Salsa friend a lot and her eyes light up and dilate every time she talks about him \u2013 \u201che was so nice to drive 80 extra miles just to give me a ride home at 3AM\u201d \u201chis moves are so smooth on the dance floor\u201d.\n3.\tPlans for next week: \u201cI am hanging out with my salsa friend on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. I am going to a Happy Hour with Guy friend 1 on Tuesday, and with Guy friend 2 on Thursday. I am going to the beach with Guy friend 3 on Sunday afternoon and for dinner in the evening. I am going hiking with my Girl friend 1 on Saturday. Do you want to meet up Saturday evening for dinner and may be stay over at my place for the night?\u201d \n\n4.\tBusy on phone: All of her friends text/FB message her all the time. They text back and forth all day, including late at night while she is staying over at my place, and while we are on our dates on weekend evenings. When I text her, she takes 1-8 hours to respond. But she is far more responsive with her other friends.\n\n5.\tSecretive: She guards her phone closely when I am around and seems to get nervous if I reach anywhere near her phone. She has told me a couple of times that she hung out with her Girl friend 1 last evening, but I later found out from her roommate that she actually hung out with one of her guy friends.\n\nI feel that her lifestyle does not allow me to spend enough time with her and to explore the possibility of a LTR. Also, her heavy drinking and spending too much time alone with multiple male friends bother me. In my view, this lifestyle would have been totally OK for someone in her 20s, but not for someone in her early 30s who wants 3 kids within the next 3 years. \n\nSince finding someone who\u2019s ready for a LTR is a priority for me, I am thinking of distancing myself from her. Should I try to give this relationship more time, or just move on and find someone who\u2019ll value me more than she does?\n\nTL;DR - 31M searching for LTR currently hung up on a 30F who seems only mildly interested and not compatible because of her lifestyle. Also appears to be dating multiple people. Should try giving this relationship more time, or just move on and try finding someone else?\n\nX-POST from /r/dating_advice", "answer": "move on. she doesn't want what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pkc8d", "comment_id": "dkq2o5h"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to?  If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation?  Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone?  I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions?  Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "cnnx4qe"}, {"question": "Just got rejected by my crush", "description": "And I feel amazing. Seriously cannot believe i mustered up the courage to ask a woman out. Thought this would feel way worse. Im not scared anymore. I will no longer spend time wondering \"what if i did ask her out\" and I can move on. \n\nFuck you anxiety ", "answer": "The pain of the buildup is often 10x worse than the pain of the rejection. Great job!", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6dbno3", "comment_id": "di1mby4"}, {"question": "Trouble moving on", "description": "This guy and I broke up about 2 months ago. We broke up because of my lack of trust towards him. He stated that I pushed him away. I had doubt because he would go on trips and do activities without me, he never posted pictures of us. I felt like I was a secret. I work a lot so I have a limited amount of free time. I felt like it was easy for him to see other people and easily go on these trips with those other people. I broke it off with him finally because I couldn't get rid of my suspicions and he really didn't do much to reassure me, which is what I desired. I reached out to him this last week, and I was so disappointed. I lied to myself saying I was reaching out because I wanted to be just friends, truth way I was expecting him to declare how much he missed me, but he didn't. It hurts. He's messaged me every day, but it's like \"what are you doing\" or \"I'm going with friends\" . I feel they're pity messages and I feel embarrassed for reaching out. Help. ", "answer": "zero contact. the way alcoholics have zero sips.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hs3kl", "comment_id": "dj0u7vq"}, {"question": "Does race tend play a role in the therapy?", "description": "So I've recently decided, with support from my wife who has been successfully utilizing therapy for years, to find and see a therapist, but I'm finding myself in a tough spot. I am a young black (mixed) queer non-Christian man in a smaller Southern city, and I have some (possibly unfounded) anxiousness at the idea of sitting in a room with a white person and being vulnerable. \n\nI should state that my wife is white, so I don't have any overt prejudice against white people nor against Christians, but if therapy is, as I understand it to be, a place for me to safely explore my feelings with some guidance, I would like to avoid the feeling of an impassable lack of understanding in trying to convey the pressure of being a brown face in predominately white spaces to, for instance, an older Christian white woman, which seems to be the majority of therapists in my coverage and area. \n\nSo I guess my question is particularly seeking answers from people of color who have experience with therapy, but I would also appreciate positive input from anyone willing to give it.\n\nSo let me restate it simply:   \nDo you find that race heavily influences your experience with therapy and how so? \n\nThank you.", "answer": "Therapist here.  Disclosure:  I'm a cis white heterosexual male.... so yeah all the privilege in the world but I think I may be able to help give you some insight on some aspects here.\n\n\nFeeling comfortable in the therapy setting is one of the most important aspects of whether it's going to be helpful or not.  Having to work through some of your anxiety regarding being accepted by someone who isn't a person of color and may be cis-het may be really helpful to you, so long as they're actually a good therapist and culturally competent.  If they are, it could be really transformative for you.  If they're not (and trust me, plenty of therapists out there lacking cultural competence, especially around LGBTQ+ issues) it could be harmful.    \n\n\nThat being said, maybe you don't want to work through that stuff right now because you have bigger fish to fry and that's completely okay.  Any agency worth their salt looks to find therapists who are representative of the population they serve as plenty of folks feel more comfortable with someone they at least perceived of having a similar or shared experience.  \n\n\nAs a potential client, you get to decide what you're looking for in a therapist as far as demographics go.  You don't necessarily get to decide if you go to a larger agency and get assigned something different despite your stating your preferences, but you do have the freedom to say \"Alright, I'm gonna find somewhere else then.\"\n\n\nI work at an agency that exclusively serves the LGBTQ+ population in my area.  I have a ton of experience and passion for working with LGBTQ+ folks.  Many don't want to work with me or are apprehensive given my demographics.  That's understandable, but for those that have given it a shot, I'd like to think we've done incredible work together.  \n\n\nTo answer your restated question:\n\n\nRace (or any demographic differences between client and therapist) has as much influence on a person's experience in therapy as both they decide to make it and their therapist's level of multi-cultural competency.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bga3ov", "comment_id": "ell5vkv"}, {"question": "DAE totally shut down verbally", "description": "Usually when you feel uncomfortable? \n\nI don\u2019t know why I do this\nI don\u2019t know how to stop it \nIt\u2019s like I just become catatonic when I\u2019m in the presence of my FP because I\u2019m afraid of saying something that might make her feel uncomfortable so then I feel uncomfortable. \nAnd then I spiral down into shame and fear and anxiety. And get lost in my head. And she\u2019s still there... waiting on me to finish the sentence that I\u2019m not sure I can physically force out of my mouth... ", "answer": "Yeah it's hard. That's something I wish I could communicate to my ex, I did that often in our relationship when I was uncomfortable. I think it's just dissociation", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9pftxs", "comment_id": "e81jej0"}, {"question": "Please read this", "description": "So basically my story is that im usually a worrisome person. I have anxiety but over the years i've been able to control it tremendously. This past school year i was in a great time in my life. In May i went to a party and drank and smoked. As soon as i smoked i had an awful reaction and had the worst experience of my life. \n\nThe next morning when i woke up i didnt feel 100%. I felt in a daze. Sometimes i felt in a dream. My anxiety was through the roof. I smoked a few times after that and quit on June 25th. I havent smoked since then. The problem is i don't see any change. I think i may be going through physcosis. I feel like im going to go crazy at times. My hearing is weird also. It's not as clear as it was before my experience. My head is heavy all the time it feels like an anxiety headache. I feel the anxiety in my head. I have some derealization from this. Im always tired and always depressed. Always feeling empty and lonely. \n\n\nI want some advice. My parents are so against drugs so i havent told them and dont plan on if so please dont suggest that. They would kill me. I think its finally time for me to see a doctor but im not sure what to say. I'm not sure if meds are a good or bad thing. Someone please help. I want to feel how i felt before this experience. I dont plan on smoking again. I dont feel confident anymore. I want to get better. \n\nAlso forgot to mention that i have bad brain fog. Everything is in a daze and my eyesight feels distorted but i have perfect vision. I was at the eye doctor last week. I want to be able to have a clear mind from now on. ", "answer": "To clarify, what did you smoke?\n\nYou're not psychotic. But go seek advice from your GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52px9h", "comment_id": "d7m9qkf"}, {"question": "24F accidentally used expired eye drops...is this a problem?", "description": "24F, 1 day, 125 pounds, 5'2, white, my eye, diagnosed with anxiety. \n\n​\n\nLast night my eye was bothering me so I used eye drops. Just checked the bottle this morning and they were expired. Is this a problem? my eye feels fine just don't know if this is super bad. ", "answer": "We can\u2019t be certain without knowing what the drops are and why you used them.\n\nMost medications have expiration dates beyond which they are not guaranteed to be effective. They\u2019re still safe, and usually still effective long past that date as well. The manufacturer just won\u2019t vouch for it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aph7kc", "comment_id": "eg88nlv"}, {"question": "I [M19] found a super amazing girl [F18] but she seems to be into my best friend [M18] but he doesn't realize that she's into him. Should I tell him or should I go for her?", "description": "I told my friend that I liked her and asked if he liked her and he said he liked her only as much as any other girl. I don't know whether to make a move or not and I feel like shit that she is giving all this attention to him.", "answer": "let her make a decision first about approaching your friend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg73a", "comment_id": "dbnpisc"}, {"question": "How do I become OK being monogamous", "description": "I'm a 19 year old guy and haven't been in a relationship for a good while. I met someone and we've started going out, it's starting to hit me that I can't talk to other girls now and I'm beginning to have second thoughts.. \n\nThis isn't the first time this has happened and I usually just end things. But all that does is make me feel worse because now I'm alone and I did like them. \n\nHow do I get over this?? \n", "answer": "You're probably just not ready. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6q0g28", "comment_id": "dktmv3r"}, {"question": "Relationship advice", "description": "So I have been  dating my girlfriend for just about 3 months now and I guess you can say it's pretty serious.at the beginning of the relationship I was always so ecstatic to see her and just the  thought  of her made me happy. She's a perfect girl smart,funny,beautiful but one day everything kind of changed because I finally questioned if I really want to be with her and if she's actually making me happy and I just have been overthinking everything everyday.whenever I see her I get sad and it really sucks and just need some advice.mind you I live in upstate New York and we started dating in the winter so it's cold/no sunlight so I know that could be a factor please help!!", "answer": "can u be more specific about ur concerns?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wsvkc", "comment_id": "decqh1j"}, {"question": "[26/m] boyfriend keeps repeating things I say? Confused...", "description": "I've exhausted looking this up on a google search. The first thing that came up was '11 signs your boyfriend is a sociopath' Yeaahhhh I wouldn't go that far. \n\nSo he's honestly almost perfect. Can get grumpy, sometimes extremely negative about shit in his life, WON'T stop making jokes about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING but I care about him a lot and he shows me and tells me how much he cares.\n\nBut theres one thing that I'm super confused about, he will use my words and repeat what I have said to him back to me. For instance, this is a regular occurance at the end of a day\n\n'Goodnight XYZ! Sleep well <3'\n\nand he will reply:\n\n'Goodnight too! And you sleep well also!'\n\nHe will also say reiterate what I said sometimes & try to act reassuring such as:\n\n'I had a good day becuase .... and this happend...'\n\n'Yeah it is great that.... happened'\n\nI'm sure I'm overthinking this but sometimes I feel like he could choose to say something a little original isntead of simply repeating exactly what I've said back. Is this a social thing where he doesn't know what else to say? Or is he just saying what he thinks I want to hear? Its getting a bit frustrating when all I hear is my words played back to me... ", "answer": "you are overthinking. everyone has a different skill set.just worry about whether he's a wonderful boyfriend.  people put too many things under a microscope. they don't see the forest for the trees if you do that..", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qkinq", "comment_id": "dczz0ep"}, {"question": "Consuming Vitamin with Titanium Dioxide", "description": "I am a 30/M/White in Chicago, 5'4\" 155 lbs with no significant health issues.\n\nI recently started taking a multivitamin that contains titanium dioxide. I have read in some instances it is considered extremely unsafe as it is a carcinogen, while in other instances that is a fallacy. \n\nCan someone help further elaborate?", "answer": "Titanium dioxide may be a carcinogen if inhaled as nanoparticles. There is no evidence, as far as I'm aware, that it is toxic when ingested.\n\nAs already stated, there's no reason to take a vitamins unless you have a specific nutritional deficiency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4d91m", "comment_id": "ebdjzdi"}, {"question": "At what point do I see a doctor", "description": "I'm a 22yo male, 6' 2\" 160lbs. No known health problems but I do have anxiety, otherwise i'm in seemingly good health.\n\nThis past week I've been experiencing heart palpitations. I guess these are either PACs and/or PVCs. In years past I had similar symtpoms and have gone to the cardiologist twice - once when I was 15 and the other time was when I was 17. I also went to the ER once when I was 20. Each time I made a doctor visit I received normal EKG and echocardiograms (had this done 2 times (at 15 and then at 17yo). I also got a 24-hour holter monitor twice. Everything was normal and the doctor said I just had a few PACs. He said not to worry at all.\n\n\nFast forward a little bit. I have palpitations every now and then and I've taken my doctor's word for it and felt fine with ignoring them. Though, this past week I've been experiencing them very frequently. I have no other symptoms and I've been riding my bike miles per day as usual to go to work. They seem to be somewhat random but at times I have maybe 15 an hour. Sometimes I have a few per minute. They aren't super consistent except that they're consistent throughout the day and I recognize each time I have them. At least a few per hour I'd say, for the past 4 days or so. \n\n\nI have a CityMD urgent care near my apartment and I'm wondering if I should go today before it closes (just moved cities so I don't have a regular doctor yet). It just costs $75 that I don't want to spend knowing that I have major health anxiety and this will probably be nothing. IDK. On the one hand I've had these in the past and everything was fine but I don't ever remember having them so frequently. \n\n\n\nRight now I'm at home and I haven't noticed any palps for a while. Is it necessary to go ASAP or can I just wait this out a little bit and hopefully they'll go away(?) If I had a normal EKG 2 years ago, plus a normal echo about 4 years ago, is this really necessary?? Ultimately I guess I'm scared that I may have developed some structural issue since then.", "answer": "I think that you might want to consider treatment for your anxiety and see how your cardiac symptoms are thereafter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57j1is", "comment_id": "d8swfut"}, {"question": "My [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, I'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away, what can I do?", "description": "Preface: I grew up around, but not with my mother until I was about 12 years old. During the 12 years I lived around my mother, I lived with my grandmother. My mom would be in and out of the hospital, or usually out having fun. We did spend some time together though. From 12-18 I had no physical contact with my mom, I lived in a different state, and I was homeless or in fostercare. From 18-22 I went to college in a different state. So from 12-22 years old I rarely saw her, but we communicated every so often on the phone. I moved closer to family after college, my mom doesn't live in this state, but she does visit every few months.\n\nProblem: My mom can't drive, and hasn't tried since she was about 18 years old. My mom has never had a job, and there hasn't been much time in my mom's life that she hasn't lived with my grandmother. My mom still lives with my grandmother to this day. My mom has not planned for the future, and does not do much nowadays other than eat, and sleep. She does not have any money saved up, but she does get government assistance. I am worried about what will happen when my grandmother passes away. I can't spend time with my mom 24/7 like my grandmother does, because I have dreams, and a life of my own. I also am in a career field where I hope to be traveling a lot in the future. Also, part of me feels like I raised myself, and I shouldn't be responsible for my mom for the next 30 years after my grandmother passes. Giving up your adult life is a lot to ask even for someone who was raised by their mom.\n\nI want to talk about my mom all of this, but my uncle has advised me not to. I think this is something she should be aware of in advance, so she has time to plan, and get accustomed to the idea, rather than being hit with my grandmother's death, and the thought of not living with me all at once. My uncle thinks that it won't do anything but make her sad, and she won't plan for the future anyways, and I have to say he is probably right. I'm at a lost for what to do, and I'm feeling real anxiety about it all. My mom is actually pretty smart, and most of the time she is in her right mind. She hasn't had a schizophrenic episode in many years. I'm worried I'll have to give up my life's work to take care of her until she passes, which would kill me inside. I'm hoping reddit can give some advice on this, as I'm lost.\n\nEven now my mother is extremely dependent on me emotionally, and it's going to be exponential once grandmother isn't there. For example she will call me 5 times in a day at times, to talk about nothing in particular, and when I don't answer she calls my GF 10 times in a row. When we are busy and not able to answer she will get sad.\n\ntl;dr: My [24m] schizophrenic mother [48f] has been dependent on my grandmother her whole life, I'm panicking about what will happen when my grandmother passes away.", "answer": "I would talk to your grandmother first to see if she has made any arrangements for your mother in the event of her passing. Does she have guardianship or power of attorney over your mother? If so, she may have the legal authority to arrange care for your mother. If not, you still have other options. Your mother likely qualifies for a diagnosis of Serious and Persistent Mental Illness (assuming you're in the United States), which opens up many opportunities for support services. Case management, ARMHS, medication management, payee (managing finances), even semi-independent or assisted living can be available to help manage not only her mental illness, but her life in general. She will need a diagnostic assessment from a mental health provider if she has not had one recently (usually in the last year), but they will be able to make appropriate referrals. If your mother has difficulty describing her symptoms and impairments, insist on attending the appointment with her and describe your concerns. She'll have to sign a release of information for you to do so, but it could be well worth it to get the care she needs.\n\nGood luck to you, and please know there are services that can help. Your mother's care does not have to fall solely on you or other family members.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kcfi8", "comment_id": "djl341j"}, {"question": "Dating in early sobriety", "description": "Dealing with a breakup. So THIS is why you shouldn't date early in sobriety. Still not drinking and don't have any plans to pick up. Just a reminder that those old sayings are old sayings for a reason. \n\nUPDATE: Wow, thanks for the all of the insights! I should clarify that the breakup is because my SO is moving across the country; we've gotten quite close but she needed to move for work. Maybe that makes it harder.", "answer": "Alcohol impairs judgement the most for those who use it the most.  After a long time of such impairment it takes time for one's power of judgement to become reestablished and this healing is accomplished by being in relationship with people who know you very well.  Because of the shame and secrecy that accompanies addiction, people develop a habit of hiding things about themselves and so don't get the full benefit of relationships with people who have good judgement. This way people in early recovery may choose companions who are unworthy.  Wait until you have developed relationships with people with good judgement and rely on them to help you make important decisions.  Who you choose as a life partner starts as a first date and that decision is one of the most important of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "38nvg7", "comment_id": "crwktgf"}, {"question": "How to get rid of unwanted sexual feelings and attractions? Kind of desperate.", "description": "Please don't tell me to accept it. I can't and won't live with being someone I don't want to be and something I can't control.\n\n\nI've been have unwanted and uncontrollable (as in I have no choice in the matter) sexual attraction to other females for a few years (1.5-2-3). How can I get rid of theese? They give me anxiety and I don't like it. Please help me. This isn't who I really am and I want it to go away. It's giving me serious anxiety issues.", "answer": "Alcohol and/ or other poor coping skills. \n\nReal answer: you cant \"get rid of\" the feelings. If you could, you would have already. Furthermore, no one would ever talk about CBT/ ERP/ ACT/ Mindfulness if you could just \"get rid of\" the feelings. Unfortunately, appropriate cognitive restructuring and ERP is the only way ahemacceptanceahem. Dont kill the messenger...\n\nEdit: I'm sorry you're feeling this way. OCD and anxiety is awful, no fun, and painful. You CAN get through this. You're right, this isnt you, but you have to crawl through it to get away from it, no other way around it. We in r/OCD are here to support you. Try reading the Imp of the Mind. I think you may like it a lot. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "5jiaub", "comment_id": "dbgeb5o"}, {"question": "A guest speaker in my lecture yesterday called schizophrenics weird three times and odd but \u201cstill people, you just may need to drag them to the hospital.\u201d She is a mental health professional.", "description": "You would think it would not be that hard to ~actually~ grasp that this is really not okay to say, particularly if you have a masters in psychology. If you have all that schooling and still say and believe these things, how do other people view us? It just kinda sucks and I\u2019m disappointed.", "answer": "So I am a mental health care worker and the other posters are right. There is different levels of training and I've heard some really uninformed and hurtful comments from great professionals when they work with a group of people they don't have a passion for or do not have experience with. The fact is her comments are offensive and dismissive of what the experience is like for someone with schizophrenia day to day and if they are hospitalized. That is an incredibly scary and vulnerable time and describing it as a therapist's burden ignores a client as priority, including their feelings and experience.", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "bf2ioo", "comment_id": "elb2hkt"}, {"question": "Help please", "description": "My stomach isn\u2019t the issue. My throat is nauseous if that makes any sense. I don\u2019t want to throw up. I haven\u2019t been around anybody sick, but I just feel sick. Do you think I will throw up? Sorry for the reassurance post. Literally nothing else is wrong, but my my throat is closing it feels like. This has been going on all day. ", "answer": "I know exactly what you mean! I experience this \"throat nausea\" feeling a lot. I think for me, it's a mix of anxiety and GERD. It really sucks :( Chewing mint gum really helps me when I'm dealing with this!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "77ov54", "comment_id": "donybuj"}, {"question": "Prescribed Phentermine -- any advice?", "description": "After failed attempts with Victoza & Metformin, my weight loss doc prescribed phentermine. Originally he was thinking Contrave, but I told him it feels more like my metabolism has stopped dead vs overeating being the reason for hovering around 200lb. However, the fact that phentermine is a stimulant is freaking me out! Has anyone taken it and had a positive experience?", "answer": "2 years ago I went to a weight loss clinic and was on it for about 6 months. I lost close to 40lbs but when I stopped taking it (because of the side effects: jittery/heart palpitations) I gained all that weight back within a year. It worked, but only while I took it because it\u2019s just a stimulant - it didn\u2019t help me change any of my problematic eating behaviors.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "be7q5q", "comment_id": "el3ri3p"}, {"question": "Colpocephaly?", "description": "Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with colpcephaly. My GP can't even pronounce it and I'm being taken to hospital to study for all of next week.\n\nThe only relatives I have that I can ask are either dead or demented beyond asking or not willing to talk about it (mother). I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but now after combing the limited info on the internet this makes so much more sense.\n\nI was born 8 weeks premature in 1985 with water in the brain. My parents were told to take photos and say goodbye. That's all I know ... And I've been mostly healthy until 18 months ago when I started having seizures, migranes and general motor issues. It's destroying my life. I can barely work and I can't do anything about disability cos the doctors can't agree what is wrong lol. \n\nSo if anyone knows anything I'd love to hear it! I do not have epilepsy. Beyond that who knows.", "answer": "If you're having recurrent seizures, what makes you say that it is not epilepsy?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jis28", "comment_id": "dz00pel"}, {"question": "Haven't smoked weed in 10 years now", "description": "I'm glad this reddit exists, just found it today. Here is my story FWIW\n\nI discovered pot my freshmen year in college. Got high listening to Rush...been a fan ever since. Dont think i would have been a fan without the pot, lol. \n\nSmoked on a regular basis depending on availability between ages 20 and 30. Between 20 and 30 i got married, had a kid, went to lawschool, passed bar and became lawyer. Also had two acute episodes of depression and anxiety and had to go on anti-depressants (each bout was about 6 months on ssri). \n\nDuring this 10 year period, weed was mostly a help, not a hindrance. It helped me cope with lawschool, life demands, long drives, and i took the bar high. It chilled me out which i did need. made me less high strung. As we all know, its a great escape from the drudgery and boredom that is Life. It makes listening to music an euphoric experience and food tastes better. Road trips are so much more fun too. \n\nOf  course, no party lasts forever. Shortly after i began working at my first job as an attorney, I came home and did the usual with my husband-smoke some weed. Had a hard day at work and was looking to unwind.  But for the very first time....i got a panic attack. I thought i was going to die. Heart racing, arms tingling, all the usual shit. \n\nMy weed intake dropped off but i didn't quit. I wouldn't spaz out everytime and it was unpredictable when i would. I recall locking myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub with my then 4 year old banging on the door. Low moment. \n\nI chalked it up to job stress, then bargained with myself that i would only smoke on weekends. That worked...for a while. Then i started getting panic attacks during my weekend smoke time. \n\nThen, i moved to \"just a single hitter\" on the weekend. That was ok, for awhile. Then it wasn't ok. \n\nThe long and short, is that when i was 33, i had mostly quit. Also quit the evening coffee and went down to one cup.  We had the second kid, and my sleep schedule was terrible, my job was terrible and i had been suffering from insomnia and depression. In desperation, i smoked some of my husband's pot in an effort to sleep...and ended up in the parking lot of the emergency room. After that episode, I went on SSRI for a year, and ended up on benzos for 3 years. Haven't smoked since.  Funny enough, when i left that job (after 5.5 years), within 2 weeks i fell alseep without the benzos and have been off them every since...6 years now :)\n\nFor me, the pot stopped being a fun time, an escape, a mood enhancer. It kicked me in the face over and over again. I fondly recall when pot was fun, and its like another lifetime ago. Maybe it will be fun again, who knows, but I'm not willing to try it because the mental angst of those panic attacks were awful. ", "answer": "I quit smoking pot because I got thirsty for beer when I smoked it and once I started drinking I went out of control. To stop drinking and stay stopped I had to quit pot. It\u2019s been 39 years since I quit  and as far as I can tell I haven\u2019t missed anything.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8w56uq", "comment_id": "e1twe23"}, {"question": "[f18]long distance relationship with[m18] never met in real life is this considered a real relationship and is it considered cheating if I would sleep with other people?", "description": "Well I met this guy on a site and we became friends until a moment were we found out we liked eachother I guess. We live in different countries not that far away but far away enough haha. We skype and stuff but is this considered a real relationship? Its currently only been going on for 3 months and of course he's not able to have s*x with me. But is it considered cheating if I slept with other people even though I've never met him. I like him a lot and people are probably thinking like why can you even think about sex with other people if you like him and stuff but I'm just a human with needs like any other person. So putting slutshaming aside I'd just like some answers. I haven't done anything or wanted to do anything it just kind of popped in my head because I've never done this before it's all new to me.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "It depends on your understanding with each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i2li6", "comment_id": "dj31bzp"}, {"question": "I quit therapy!", "description": "I've had enough of therapists after therapist. This last one with the last straw. She had zero memorization skills and we saw each other weekly for a month. I had zero trust in her because of this. I was going for depression and anxiety but, I rather deal with my own issues than deal with some therapist who can't even remember my name. I still see my psychiatrist every few months to talk about my meds. Was it dumb to quit therapy?", "answer": "It might be worth it to try to talk about your frustration with a therapist. If you ultimately feel you don\u2019t need it - good for you. But don\u2019t give up. Therapy can be so transformative and amazing. But like any other relationship there are ups and downs and repair work that needs to happen. If live had a ton of therapists you may be missing out on an important aspect of therapy by ending things without trying to work it out. Just an idea though. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7j7hdu", "comment_id": "dr4du2z"}, {"question": "Disagreement with \"Gaming Disorder\" Classification", "description": "WHO recently created a new disease classification, called \"Gaming Disorder.\" You can see their article for it online [here](http://www.who.int/features/qa/gaming-disorder/en/).\n\nI am concerned about this classification, because it appears to me that it was made by people who misunderstand what is actually going on. I am afraid that people will suffer from this misunderstanding, and will not receive the treatment they require to get better. Instead, many people (especially children) could be harmed by this.\n\nI am NOT a medical health professional. However, under this new classification, I would have been diagnosed with this illness several years ago, and I have since overcome this problem. Because of these experiences I have had, I have a very good understanding of why people, especially children, play video games too much. If you want to read about my experiences, please read the CONTEXT section bellow.\n\nFirst off, this illness is focused too much on video games. Yes, video game overuse is a problem, but I think that this illness should also include overuse of other forms of media, including social networks, texting, books, magazines, comics, television, and more. If a person uses ANY form of media to the point that they refuse to participate in life, they should be classified as having this illness. For instance, if a child refuses to go to school, and stays up late reading books, this would be an example of what I am talking about.\n\nSecond off, this illness should be renamed to be something like \"Escape Disorder,\" to show that it is not solely related to video games, and to better explain the cause of this disorder in its name.\n\nA person with this disorder, would be unwilling to participate in life, and instead would spend all of his or her time \"escaping\" through the use of his or her chosen media. The best way to help someone with this disorder, is NOT to take away their chosen media, as this will cause the person to become depressed due to them not having anything to do with their life. Instead, this person should be helped so that he or she can become more willing to participate in real life. If the person is able to participate in real life again, the person will STOP using the media too much. Because of this, I do not consider this an addiction!\n\nCONTEXT:\n\nNOTE: The purpose of this is section is not to spread anger at my family. I love my parents, and they love me. They feel just as terrible about how things happened as I do. We have since grown to understand each other better.\n\nWhen I was a kid, my mother was a doctor and would come home screaming at everyone due to stress. My dad was strict, trying to keep her happy, and in turn got mad at me for stupid things. I was young, and had no idea the things were stupid, and felt guilty/scared all the time. My parents got mad even if I got an A, because it wasn't an A+, saying I'm \"smart enough to do better.\" In school, I was a victim to systematic bullying ingrained in my class, and I was sitting alone every lunch in the corner of the cafeteria. I was very depressed, and my only escape was video games. Despite my good grades, games were taken from me, and I was barely able to play anything besides crap freeware games online or pirated things, because my parents thought I played them too much. Even then, they would get very mad at me if they caught anything on my computer. I was told that cartoons were stupid, and I should be ashamed if I liked them. I was told that pokemon is stupid, and that I was better without it. After my parents noticed me watching cartoons on TV, they blocked all those channels, only leaving me to watch PBS children's cartoons when I was way too old to even care for them in sixth grade. This further separated me from my classmates, as they would talk about the latest cartoons, movies, games, etc, and I would not be able to partake. This was made worse with the fact I have breathing issues, and was never able to compete in sports. When I finally got mental help for my depression and anxiety, my mother required me to let her sit with me in each visit (she would get mad at me later if I didn't), and she would always rant to the therapist about how \"everything I think about is Video Games\" and how evil they are. The doctor would then encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities with my classmates, and to \"make more friends\" at school. I would try these things, fail, and get more depressed. Wasn't until I got a head injury from a bully classmate that almost killed me, that my mother realized her mistake. We are all on good terms now, about 10 years later.\n\nI only got better, when I was given more access media like my classmates. After this, I started my slow recovery, and I eventually overcame my anxiety and depression. When this happened, I stopped playing games as much, because in the end, I would rather spend time doing things in real life than online if its possible.", "answer": "The reason for the focus on video games specifically is there has been a major upswing in the recent years of individuals experiencing major health problems or life set backs directly related to their addiction to video games.  Research has suggested that video games, especially newer ones (this includes cell phone games as well) are specifically made with the purpose of creating an addiction and brain scans of folks with severe video game addictions are showing similar patterns to those with addictions to hard drugs.\n\n\nYou're right, anyone can become behaviorally addicted to escapist coping skills like tv, reading, table top games, etc.  The key difference right now is that as far as the research goes, those things don't create as severe of a change in brain chemistry the way that video games do.  There also haven't been as many documented cases of death or other major problems that can be directly related to these things in the ways that video games have.  \n\n\nI'm a therapist and I love video games.  I play MOBA's with friends a couple nights a week.  I think video games can be great for teaching things, helping to socialize with people who live far away, but when misused, can cause really severe problems.  This is why they classified this as a disorder.  \n\n\nThe other main practical reason is that more and more people are seeking treatment specifically for video game addiction.  If you want to use your health insurance for treatment, you need to be given a diagnosis related to that treatment.  Classifying this as a disorder helps folks who want to use their insurance for treatment of video game addiction now can and don't have to pay 100's or 1000's of dollars out of pocket.  \n\n\nI'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and it certainly doesn't sound like your parents handled your issues the right way at all.  I wish things would have been better for you, but that doesn't mean because of your experience that this isn't a legitimate problem for many folks.      ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "97ojad", "comment_id": "e4apz9s"}, {"question": "What are the repercussions of seeing counseling or treatment?", "description": "I am in my late 20s and have never sought treatment or counseling for my depression in part because I fear that it will somehow end up on my \"permanent record\" (for lack of a better term) and follow me around for the rest of my life.\n\nWill it?\n\nSpecifically I worry about things like insurance, background checks, ability to get jobs, pilots licence, won't be able to go recreational target shooting, things like that.\n\nWill those kinds of things be affected if I seek treatment?", "answer": "If you live in the Unites States, there are very strict privacy laws that explicitly bar healthcare providers, including therapists, from disclosing any information without your written approval.\n\nIf your insurance is being billed, they will have a diagnosis, but they also are bound by the privacy laws. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2en61u", "comment_id": "ck1cxz2"}, {"question": "\"Rock bottom\". Are you there yet, dear lurker? Or is this the wrong question?", "description": "Just an [article](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/carrie-armstrong/alcoholism-rock-bottom-myth_b_3422261.html) I came across. Thought it would be food for thought for some people around here. ", "answer": "In my recovery circle I don't hear rock bottom to often. I do hear bottom pretty regularly. Like the article said it's not quantifiable. Just like being an alcoholic isn't quantifiable. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1gz9xk", "comment_id": "caperps"}, {"question": "Well, here I go. I\u2019m not looking for answers, just support", "description": "Starting off, I\u2019m a 5\u20192 male. Not strong nor weak. I\u2019ve always wanted to look for the pursuit of happiness. I haven\u2019t been able to achieve that. There\u2019s always either a person or just something in my way. I\u2019m a really nice guy, yet I feel like I get the most crap thrown at me for no reason. Always getting used, always getting laughed at, I just don\u2019t get it. I know I\u2019m not that much of an attractive person, but don\u2019t I at least deserve some sort of respect? I just wanna be happy. I\u2019ve made enemies on the stupidest of reasons in which was not my fault, but hey why not pin them on the helpless guy right? I\u2019ve been rejected numerous times and I can\u2019t take it. There have been times where I have thought deeply about harming and killing myself for a good while until I get put into focus again. I just want love, but now I\u2019m starting to believe love isn\u2019t meant for me. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me, but I\u2019m guessing there\u2019s something. I just want it all to end. I can\u2019t stay here anymore. I\u2019ve even thought of faking my death and running away. If you\u2019ve read up to here, thank you for taking your time. ", "answer": "Please don\u2019t give up.  I know exactly how you feel.  Depression is terrible but there is so much good in the world.  Happiness is there, sometimes in surprising places.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9kvqjk", "comment_id": "e724xv4"}, {"question": "(26yo M) If I talk to my therapist about physical abuse I experienced as a child from a parent that has since changed their ways, do they have to report the abuse?", "description": "I just had my first session this week and my therapist asked me if I\u2019ve ever been abused but I was afraid of saying yes. When I was a kid my dad used to beat me. I forgive my dad and he stopped being abusive and angry years ago. I know for a fact he\u2019s not a threat now. The thing is now he has my younger siblings to support and he\u2019s working on getting his citizenship and I don\u2019t want my dad to get into any kind of trouble. But this is something that has affected me mentally my whole life and I feel I might have to bring it up. I wasn\u2019t sure where to ask. Thank you.", "answer": "This depends 100% on where you live and the license of your therapist. \n\nI could not report this in my jurisdiction,  but some states do require reporting of past abuse , even when the perpetrator is deceased.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgq4mi", "comment_id": "fw5yrqy"}, {"question": "How can i come off as hardworking and serious?", "description": "I am a hard worker! And well spoken and professional. I used to dress casually, which i dont anymore (thinking that was the problem)\nI do get recognized but the general overview of me is that I'm a relaxed person with life handed to him on a silver spoon.\n\nThis has to change!! Its so far from true.\n\n\nits funny because when younger- i loved that people thought that bout me. one of those 'How does he do it'- partied way too hard and still made honors.\n\nso. How do I change this?? how do i make management see me as a more serious employee", "answer": "Simply put, be hardworking and serious.  I'd need to know what type of job you're doing to give more specific advice.  As for general advice, \n\nfor the hardworking part:  Show up early, leave late, finish your tasks on time and ask if there's anything else you can help with.  Don't get caught on your cellphone doing non-related work activities when not on your lunch break.  Limit smoke breaks if you smoke and be very quick about them.  \n\nas for the serious part:  Above all else, be organized.  Put together reports to show your bosses what you've accomplished, what problems you've run into, and what are your plans for the coming week/month.  Do it in a way that looks like you're just stating facts and not trying to brown-nose.  Be friendly but don't be the joker at your job.  Don't complain or gossip about bosses or other employees EVER.  Don't talk in the office or to other employees about your partying way too hard.  Also a good idea not to drink/party with co-workers.  Anything you do/say while at a bar or party with co-workers can and probably will influence how you're perceived in the office even by those who weren't present.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8gixsh", "comment_id": "dycelni"}, {"question": "What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you?", "description": "I've heard a lot of people say that they can't concentrate because they have so many other thoughts whizzing round in their head.\n\nFor me, it feels like my brain is filled with a fog and I'm very spaced out. My mind drifts off very easily but I don't usually tend to have racing thoughts. I feel almost like the lights are on but no one's home. It feels like the more I try to concentrate on something, the harder it gets. I can stare at a blank screen for hours, getting started seems to be the hardest thing, and the moment I get distracted, I'm back to square one. \n\nI'm not diagnosed with ADHD but am looking into getting an assessment soon. This is the thing that makes me think I *don't* have ADHD because I feel the opposite of what a lot of people say.\n\n\n**TL;DR**: What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you? Does anyone else feel like there's almost no thoughts inside of their head instead of having too many racing around?", "answer": "At least for me, not concentrating seems to be a misnomer. I feel like I'm much more likely to concentrate TOO much, even on things that have no utility to the task at hand. \n\nI often feel like I'm standing before a wall of TVs tuned to all different news channels. I'm trying to concentrate on only one of them to get the really important information but my brain keeps slipping and listening to whatever else is going on around me. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cj2tf", "comment_id": "csw83nx"}, {"question": "DAE have an issue with creating multiple accounts?", "description": "Er...yeah. So I have multiple accounts so I can vent and no one finds me. I have one that's my main one...and that changes from time to time...(yes, I'm a regular poster here and no, I'm not posting from my main account), I have a couple of alts for when I need to post about people I'm scared are reading what I post...and I even have an alt for use in SOFFA/lovedones where I post as if I were *my* SO so I can see what those people would say about me. In stories I'll change genders/continents/ages/whatever so no one can track me.\n\n\nI know this is ridiculous and I haven't really mentioned it to anyone, but it's something stupid I do.\n\n\nAnyway, I knew someone who was posting here a while ago and I stalked him, but then he quit and I haven't found him since. Except I'm so paranoid that I now imagine he's writing posts I read under his own throwaways and basically doing the same thing I do...man, I'm fucked up.\n\nTell me I'm not the only one??", "answer": "Part of my recovery has been working on developing my identity since ive lived my entire life not knowing who I think I am. I have a few accounts (totally guilty) but I've tried to shy away from them and just use this one. It makes me feel like I'm always the same person and I'm not tempted to try out new sides of myself", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3hqlh4", "comment_id": "cua1qap"}, {"question": "Girlfriend [30/f] wants full names and a photo of every woman from my [31/m] slutty past to avoid interacting with them by surprise in person and online.", "description": "After she encountered one of my ex\u2019s profiles online by surprise the other day browsing Facebook for work, my current girlfriend has made a strong request that we go down the list of everyone I\u2019ve ever been sexual with, including a name, photo and location. \n\nIt\u2019s no secret to her that I\u2019ve slept with considerably more people than average, since I\u2019ve already shown her the list in the past of every sexual partner and what I did with them. \n\nShe claims that because she interacts with so many people in her work, she doesn\u2019t want to be caught by surprise and find out she\u2019s interacting with one of my ex partners. Many of my ex\u2019s she regards as super shitty people who contributed to unhealthy choices on my part and took advantage of me. \n\nWhile I understand this desire of hers to not be surprised, my gut reaction to this request is one of anxiety and reservation. I see so many ways that this could backfire and create more tension and insecurity for our relationship.\n\nFor one, I\u2019ve lost contact with some of these women over the years and I don\u2019t think I could find them online even if I tried. As for the ones I can find, I\u2019m worried about my gf becoming insecure based on their photos, or being judgmental about the relationships- several of which I\u2019m deeply ashamed of how I handled myself. \n\nHow can I possibly navigate this situation in a positive way? My girlfriend has been critical and judgmental about my sexual history in the past, and we\u2019ve almost broken up before over how I\u2019ve miscommunicated about my past partners.\n\ntl;dr My girlfriend wants a photo and full name of every one of my sexual partners so she\u2019s not surprised if she runs into them, I don\u2019t have everyones information and I\u2019m fairly confident she\u2019ll be disgusted, upset and left more insecure by this process. What do I do??", "answer": "she has no right to your private history", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qi7wv", "comment_id": "dkxkq75"}, {"question": "How to get over an ex?", "description": "I recently broke up with my girl friend of 2 years. I was the one who broke up with her but I still feel sad a depressed. I broke up because she hurt me a few times and I didn't want it to happen again. She already hooked up with another guy 2 days since the break up. I was wondering what I should do to get her off my mind, should I try a hook up? Or should I just focus on myself for now instead?", "answer": "just focus on yourself. grief takes time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5olkb3", "comment_id": "dck7zyi"}, {"question": "Anyone else get really depressed after big social gatherings?", "description": "I usually feel my worst after going to school events, or big parties. ", "answer": "Yeah. I am at one right now, and not feeling it. Doesn't  help it is with my fiance's family, and I don't know or have anything in common with them. Most are 20 years older and here for a relative who died recently, who I also didn't  know. They are drink too, for the most part. Makes me wish I had driven myself so I could say see ya!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jpbmz", "comment_id": "curp0y2"}, {"question": "[21/M] I have very little life experience. Please advise.", "description": "Hi, Everyone!\nI would really appreciate any advice/help. \nI can no longer talk to my parents so I don't know who else to ask this:\n\n**A bit of background:** I'm in my 2nd year of college (a rising Junior) taking summer classes before the 3rd year begins. I'm not doing particularly well and am having to work really hard for my classes. I have inherited a comfortable financial sum after my parents passed away, which is regulated, monitored, and delivered to me in small usable increments. So I am not in a tough spot, thank goodness. But this also means I haven't had the same quality interactions that would have allowed me to learn some much-needed life skills. \n\n**The situation.** There's this girl who I've talked to pretty much throughout college. Let's call her Anna. Anna and I have been in touch for 2 years (even though there wasn't really be a reason for us to be talking). We weren't particularly good friends (only had minimal interactions in the past 2 years), we don't have the same friend circles, and we don't share the same hobbies. \n\nFreshman year Anna gave me the impression that she was interested in me. But, I couldn't tell if it was her extremely friendly personality that was giving me a false impression me or if she genuinely liked me. I didn't want to complicate things so I just ignored my feelings. I stayed \"friends\" with this girl for 2 years pretty much just talking to her on snap chat on/off. Mostly killing my feeling for Anna using the distance we had given our different fields of study. \n\nNow that I'm back at UNI again Anna was  *EXTREMELY* willing to spend a lot of time with me. She invited herself over one night and I think was expecting me to make a move on her. I didnt^~~becauseimabitch~~ because I didn't want to misinterpret and ruin talking to someone I really like. We also shared some personal details that night. Now she isn't really that interested in talking to me. There is a clear change in the way she speaks/ deals with me. The same energy isn't there. I can't tell if it's because of what I said or because of my inaction. I feel awful because I don't know if I should pursue something and screw up or just squash my emotions and move on. \n\nI feel it's important for you to know that I like her not because she's a gorgeous model (i think she's very pretty but my friends disagree^~~fuckthem~~) but because her energy motivates me to do better. I want to be a better person around her. I like the way she smiles and laughs. In short, it isn't just a physical attraction. \n\nPlease advise me on what to do. \n\nI also have some questions that I would really love advice on: \n1). What would the proper method to pursue something like this be? \n2). What signs should I look for in someone that is interested in me as more than a friend?  \n3). What can I do to show my interest in her again? \n\nThank you everyone! \nPlease help a boi out. ", "answer": "ask her for coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o3a1e", "comment_id": "dkebtq3"}, {"question": "Do you hyperfocus on negative thoughts?", "description": "Because I do, and it's been the cause of some of the worst moments of my life. I will get stuck in a negative idea. It could be a bad memory or a worry about the future. I will think about it obsessively until I'm having an emotional breakdown. I feel like I can't focus on anything else. The thoughts I'm having feel like the only thing that exists. It's in these moments that I've felt suicidal and engaged in self injury. \n\nIt's hard to talk about with people because, honestly, it makes me feel like a crazy person. It's also hard to explain how most of the time I'm not suicidal or extremely depressed. It's just in those moments where I feel like I can't control my thoughts.\n\nYou guys know what I mean?", "answer": "I do this! As hard as it sounds, when I have the negative thought in question I look around and pick five colours that I can see. It doesn't get rid of the feeling but it sometimes distracts me long enough to interrupt the loop for a little while.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ayfz81", "comment_id": "ei1vmwu"}, {"question": "Complete loss of libido since taking Prozac for severe PMS symptoms", "description": "F 37, 5ft7, 17stone. \n\nI've had horrendous PMS mood swings, irregular periods and anxiety which spiked mid-month and pre-cycle. I'm not ovulating regularly, not on contraception and married no kids. \n\nI have rheumatoid arthritis and severe pain issues so sex drive was pretty low anyway, but since doctor prescribed Prozac 4mths ago it has completely disappeared. The Prozac is helping my other issues but this side effect is new. No desire for sexual contact or masturbation whatsoever. \n\nAlso in the early part of taking the meds when i did have an orgasm it took a long time and felt weaker. \n\nI need to pluck up courage to ask my GP but I can't get an appointment for a few weeks anyway.\n\nI'm interested in whether this is normal, whether there is an alternative treatment for severe PMS mood issues without this side effect or whether there is another treatment or medicine I can take along with Prozac to improve my libido. \n\nI don't want to lose the benefit as my moods and anxiety are better. But this is a pretty awful side effect for me and my husband! \n\nThanks ", "answer": "Yes, it's a relatively common side effect of SSRIs like Prozac. Some people find that while one causes those issues, another (Zoloft, for example) might not. There are also some women who can take SSRIs only mid-cycle, when symptoms peak. And there are medications that can alleviate the side effects as well. You have plenty of options to get the benefits without the downsides!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9sj2yq", "comment_id": "e8p5rx9"}, {"question": "Professional Needed for Interview", "description": "Hello all! \n\nI apologize if this is against the rules\nI am a Junior undergraduate studying clinical psychology and social work at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I am currently enrolled in a Theories of Psychotherapy class, and am asking for some assistance. One of our assignments is to interview a professional in this field about their method of practice, how they run their practice, why they chose that particular model, things like that. If anyone would be willing to do a quick interview that would be great! We could either video chat or message, whatever is easiest/most comfortable. If you would be willing to help me out, please PM me. Thank you again!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of people willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmwn73", "comment_id": "fl90hdu"}, {"question": "What are highly skilled therapists better at?", "description": "When compared to typical therapists, what are highly skilled/more experienced therapists better at than a typical therapist, say that warrants charging a higher rate $200 as opposed to $100 hourly?", "answer": "In a word \u201cSpecialization\u201d. I specialize in postpartum issues and charge about $200 per hour.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffosv5", "comment_id": "fjzxxly"}, {"question": "boyfriend doesn't seem interested in me anymore??? am I being crazy????", "description": "my boyfriend and i have only been together for six months but i'm worried he's starting to lose interest in me. We're 19 and 18 and freshman in college and have spent the past year living three doors down from each other. He's always on his phone around me but seems very apologetic when i tell him i get upset, overall he just seems less attracted, he wants to have sex less, even turning me down when i tried it, he touches me and kisses me less, and overall seems to leave anytime a friend contacts him to hang out. Am i being dramatic or does he seem to not be interested anymore\n\n\nalso feel like i may not be giving him the credit he deserves. Hes very observant and always notices when i seem upset and pushes me to talk about it when i say it's fine until i tel him. Sometimes i just feel like he's not putting in as much effort as he used to", "answer": "talk to him about it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw9sz", "comment_id": "dhi8eto"}, {"question": "[23f] Just found out my husband [26m] is incest.", "description": "Some backstory: My husband and I have been together for 7.5 years, married for three, have two little boys, and another baby (don't know the sex yet) on the way. He was amazing until we got married, which is when things began to go downhill. He is in the Navy, I stay home with the kids, so he is gone a lot. After we married, I found things on the computer that were disturbing; he had been talking to other women, including his ex, and young girls as young as 13 years old (on dating sites, facebook, craigslist). I didn't know how to react at first because he is the father of my children and I didn't want to put him in jail (for talking to children), I wanted to confront him. He admitted it and admitted he had a problem and agreed to get help. Fast forward a few months, I catch him trying to talk to other Navy wives, he does the same thing and cries and apologizes and blames it on his sexual addiction and he goes into therapy. I don't have a job, and basically am totally dependent on him (I know, big mistake) and my family can not help me or take us in. Yesterday I found out that when he was 13, he had sex with his little sister who was 9 at the time and he continued having sex with her for 6 years. He said he stopped having sex with her once we were together, which I don't know if I believe. His whole family lied and covered it up and his mother never got him help for him but she now says she has only known about it for the past few years. What disturbs me the most is that they kept it a secret and we have children together. My oldest son who is 5, was showing signs of abuse starting at the age of 2 and now I am questioning whether he has done something to our son or not. I don't know what to do, or how to move forward, I am freaking out and I need some honest opinions on what to do...Feel free to ask anything if it would help with any advice. \n\n\nEdit:\nThank you so much everyone, this was very helpful and I feel like I have hope now. ", "answer": "I second what everyone said, with one added thought-- document, document, document. Contact a lawyer on the down low and find out what you can do. You don't want to get a divorce only to then end up with your ex getting unsupervised visitation with the kids!  I would find out what the recording laws are where you are (can you legally record when only one person is aware it's being recorded) and get him to talk about what he did with his sister, the child porn on his computer, him seeking out young girls for sex... Etc.  the other thing I would do is take control of the computer-- maybe put a key catcher (records the strokes of what people are typing on the computer) to catch him in the act/on chats, etc....  Then I would also take that computer and keep it as evidence so he can't destroy it.  Make sure you check with your lawyer so you do all this in a legal manner that can't be contested.  Then you'll have all this proof when you go to court to get sole custody of your kids about why he's an unfit parent and shouldn't be allowed near them, EVER.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "15uah0", "comment_id": "c7q33hk"}, {"question": "[25/f] My ex [23/m] wants to 'win me back' but do you think he is capable of fixing his negatives?", "description": "My Ex and I have been broken up with no contact for 4 months. He popped back into my life the other day saying he missed me and thinks about me all the time, and that he still hopes to marry me one day. He admitted and apologized to ruining our relationship by basically treating me like shit: silent treatment, venting about me to anyone who would listen, being secretive, disrespecting my boundaries, and generally abandoning me when he got too overwhelmed to work on our relationship. So I moved out after 6 months of trying to get him to see he was making a mistake, and cut all ties. I was so heart broken I suffered many panic attacks, dissociation, barely slept, etc. etc. I put myself back together and have many positives in my life, finally forgave him within my heart, but resolved that I will always love him unconditionally and may never get to the point where I stop thinking about him even if I find love with someone else. \n\nHe asked me what he needs to do to be with me again. He is coming over tonight to talk about it. Do you guys think he is capable of being a better man in that he will be able to stop using childish tactics to avoid issues, and he will be able to respect me if I lay it all out for him? I just don't want to go through the pain again if I let myself get re-attached just to be disappointed. He definitely has narcissistic traits but is not a full blown narcissist, and I don't know how easily those things can be altered. \n\n\nUPDATE: He agreed without hesitation to go to consistent counseling so we'll see how it goes. He was surprisingly open to it. ", "answer": "don't go back unless he starts couple therapy with you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lmle7", "comment_id": "djuwflh"}, {"question": "My GF [22], claims shes 21, is addicted to Reddit. How can I get her to put down the app and give a guy some attention?", "description": "Im feeling very neglected lately and i think she secretly posts our problems/ stories to Reddit and always hits me with somme pretty good facts and advice that you redditers post. You guys have really changed our lives. But back to the issue at hand, SHES ALWAYS ON REDDIT. Morning, noon, night, dawn, pre dawn, midnight and LITERALLY aaall the time.", "answer": "she'll likely get addicted to some other behavior. she sounds very immature too", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cyedm", "comment_id": "dhydn5k"}, {"question": "(AA) fourth step", "description": "hey yall! first off, this post is pretty AA (or at least 12-step) specific so my apologies if that's not your thing - tho obviously feel free to read anyway.\n\ni just finished what i'll call the \"rough draft\" of my fourth step inventory (i imagine a few more things will come to me over the next few days)...  it was definitely a bit more intense than i anticipated. i'm already feeling a bit calmer/better than i did when i started to write this post, something i'll attribute to the huge decrease in emotional volatility i've had since getting sober. \n\nanywho, it was just perhaps a bit disconcerting to remember different ways i've been a terrible asshole over the years- i know bad shit has happened TO me, the resentments part was easy enough (and i know it's not all bad shit happening TO me there, but i digress), but remembering some of the things i've blocked out of my memory because they don't jibe with my self-concept as a Perfect Nice Good Person- didn't expect that! anyway, i know that this is all good and an opportunity to grow and be a better person, but i just wanted to type this all out - problem solved/problem halved etc. i also wrote out some of my good qualities afterwards to avoid turning the whole thing into some kind of beating-myself-up-pity-party.\n\nfourth step experiences/war stories/advice? :)", "answer": "My first thorough fears inventory changed my life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1j767z", "comment_id": "cbbyacu"}, {"question": "Lightheaded/dizzy when standing on new medications", "description": "24 year old white male. 5'10 and 170lbs. Daily medications: 40mg of Paxil; 300mg of Wellbutrin; 80mg of Propranolol; 10mg of Lipitor; 5 mg of Terazosin; Benzo (PRN- rarely)\n\nThis medication combo is for anxiety disorders, and before the meds I previously had high blood pressure (usually around 160/90mmHg+). My psychiatrist prescribed all of these except the Lipitor, and I take the Propranolol mainly for anxiety control, but it helps that it also helps with BP. I take the Terazosin for Paxil induced night sweats, and it works great (I started at 1mg, but it was not fully effective until I hit 5mg).\n\nMy BP is now around 100/60mmHG when I take it on my home device. Nearly every time I stand up, my vision gets a little spotted, I feel lightheaded, weak, and almost out-of-body slightly. \n\nI finally feel comfortable with my medication combination, but I am getting annoyed with the lightheadedness. I am not scheduled to go back to my psychiatrist for another few months, so I was wondering if anyone had any ideas in how to improve this at this time? Someone told me smelling salts, but that seemed a bit archaic.\n\nThanks", "answer": "The simplest intervention is to increase your sodium and fluid intake. That might be helpful.\n\nAnother thing to try is standing up slowly and tensing muscles right before and as you do so to try to increase the blood returned from the veins in your limbs to your heart.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8lyoar", "comment_id": "dzjhqgf"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you.  I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review.  At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page.  The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "dm32q8i"}, {"question": "I feel too nerdy at times and i'm not sure if I should look into more hobbies or not", "description": "I'm not sure if this belongs here but i'm honestly not sure where to ask this.\n\nAnyway, as the title says, i'm a nerdy guy. I play boardgames, videogames, i read books, and thats most of who i am espeically hobbys wise.\n\nIssue is, i'm worried that's \"all\" I am. I'm fine being a nerd, I enjoy the culture (the positives, not the toxicity shit) but i'm not sure if I should branch out into more \"general\" hobbies (things i'd like of course, i'm not gonna say watch X tv show just because other people like it) to be more relatable or not.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being eclectic.  You don't have to love everything as much as you love your core interests, but it's extremely helpful socially to at least have a base knowledge of and be able to enjoy many different things.  \n\n\nI had a guitar teacher once tell me when I was really young that when it comes to music it's ridiculous to say you don't like an entire genre.  If you look hard enough, you can find some aspect that you really appreciate.  Life is better when you focus on the small things you can take joy in rather than discounting things.  I try to apply this to as much as I can in my life and encourage others to do the same.  \n\n\nExample, you might not love sports, but if you can understand it just enough, you might appreciate watching it and the camaraderie that goes along with it.  \n\n\nYou might not love cooking and foodie stuff, but you might learn to appreciate the skill and competitiveness when it comes to cookie shows and competitions.  \n\n\nFind a way to take joy in as many things as you can, while holding your core interests close.  It'll give you a basis to relate to many more people and open up social opportunities in a completely genuine way.  All friendships start based off of shared interest.  You don't have to be an expert fanboy to say you're into this or that.  Just a base knowledge and general curiosity.  \n\n\nP.S.  I'm also a huge NERD for plenty of things including board games.  Board games and DnD are gaining popularity so fast that soon it won't be too hard to find a good group of friends with these interests.  What are you playing right now?  I'm an avid and regular DnD player.  We also love Codenames, Secret Hitler, Lords of Waterdeep, and Anomia.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pmtgm", "comment_id": "e0cgjye"}, {"question": "I now hate my life and myself", "description": "Hey. I am not sure if I belong here but it seems like a place where people will understand me. If I am breaking any rules then I am sorry and will be out.\n\nIts just that I am not an alcoholic. I never drank for more than 3 days in a row and mostly didn't drink if I had to work next day and I have no trouble refusing if somebody offers me a drink now. I am more of a binge drinker who can't stop when started until I blackout. If alcohol is over before I blackout I feel a sort of desperation. So I drank like that  1-3 times a week for over a decade.\n\nAnd then a few years ago I decided to stop. I am not even sure why anymore. Maybe because I fell on my face and broke two of my teeth on two different occasions in one year, because I am now with an actual alcoholic or because I was afraid I may say something or cheat on him by accident. Not sure. Only now I really hate life. It is all grey and depressing.Nothing got better like for example when it comes to work but everything else just got worse. I tried to find ways to have fun without drinking but I just can't. Its like if you ever felt true fun all the substitutes just don't live up to it. I also don't really know who I am anymore. I guess I identified myself too much with being a fun, wild drunk. I loved all the stories of what I did when drunk and actually enjoyed all the positive and negative things people were saying about me. Now I don't know where to put myself. I try to get my boyfriend to quit and that not just because I worry about him but because I feel jealous when I see him drunk. I hate his friends who come to drink with him because I imagine myself drinking with them. It hurts when I see my old friends now being his friends asking what happened with me. They all probably think I am a stuck up bitch who is against fun. And I can't find any new friends because I have no idea how to connect with people anymore (acquaintances yes, but no friends) . I did get drunk a couple of times in the past 3 years but only like 5 times per year and his friends all said they like me more that way which I get, I agree with them. I started getting high on opiates but this doesn't help as it isn't a very social drug.\n\nBasically everything is absolutely awful and I don't know how to change it. I keep on telling myself that I will go back and plan to get a vodka bottle on Friday but something always stops me. I think mainly because of my parents who are so happy with the change in me because they can't see how miserable I am and I don't want to hurt them. Back in the days I didn't care about that, I only cared about what I wanted and I miss this too.\n\nAnyways. I am sure people here felt this way and can maybe give some sort of advice? Did you ever find the same happiness without drinking, made any real friends, found a way to be happy with who you are etc.?", "answer": "The term \u201cAlcoholic\u201d is no longer used in medical terminology. The correct term is \u201cAlcohol Use Disorder\u201d. Medically speaking you meet the diagnostic criteria for an alcohol use disorder.  The only requirement for membership for AA is a desire to stop drinking. If drinking causes problems it is a problem. If you persist in a behavior after that behavior causes problems, it will help to examine what positive benefits you gain from it.  I suggest you try 90 days of abstinence while attending AA meetings and introduce yourself as someone who is sampling sobriety and seeking to learn new ways of coping.  I suspect that your inner life has not provided you with the peace and contentment that you would prefer. AA offers a 12 step process of recovery that addresses the problem of living according to spiritual values. Each of the steps has a spiritual theme. The first is honesty. Getting honest about how drinking is harming you is necessary. If you persist in drinking when it\u2019s harmful you aren\u2019t being honest. AA calls that powerless. The second principle is hope. AA provides plenty of evidence for reason to hope for a better life than the one you\u2019re living. The third principle is faith. In AA you will meet people who have been revitalized by their reliance on a power greater than themselves, and AA suggests you define what that is for yourself.  The fourth principle is courage. Self examination is a necessary part of the process and self deception will sabotage your recovery. That is why it is necessary to share it with another.  The rest of the steps build on this process, each step preparing you for the next one. Finally you achieve a sense of indescribable freedom. This is described in the promises that are given in the AA literature.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "f9snay", "comment_id": "fiugw4x"}, {"question": "How does outpatient even work?", "description": "I have bipolar, anxiety, and a smattering of other illnesses, but bipolar and anxiety are the ones I have the most trouble with. I think outpatient would be beneficial to getting me back on the right track (plus group therapy is a good idea because right now I just stay inside by myself all day) but I have no idea how to even go about becoming a part of a program. I have insurance, live in Missouri, and need help. Any advice/educational posts are appreciated.", "answer": "First look into your insurance. Call the number on the back of your card, or go online to see what your insurance covers. Find a place you like the best, and give them a call. Tell them what's going on, and that you'd like to start some services. They will schedule an intake with you, where you get to meet a therapist and figure out what's going on, and what kind of help would be best.\n\nIf you don't have insurance, this is what you do.\n\n1. Get insurance.\n2. See above steps.\n\nIf you really don't feel like getting insurance, find some therapeutic services close to you and call them. Ask them if they take out-of-pocket clients, and set up an intake with them.\n\nOutpatient services mean you will go and see a therapist.\nInpatient services mean you will go and stay somewhere for a while and see a therapist.\nIn-home services means a therapist comes to your home and works with you.\nMeds help a lot of people. Look into that if you want.\nGroup is group. You know what group is.\n\nThere are tons of different types of therapy. Finding the ones you like best is key.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bicuf", "comment_id": "d19yma9"}, {"question": "My Blood test. any advice please...", "description": "HI, there is my blood test results and some of results are not match to reference interval. It isn't made in US, but i think DOCs can understand.\nI am male, 27. taking gabapentin, and phenibut or baclofen(for anxiety). Thank you!\n\nhttps://s30.postimg.org/fqsxnmr4h/213.jpg", "answer": "My Georgian isn't good , but it looks pretty normal. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5npoe3", "comment_id": "dcduvcb"}, {"question": "Need vs Want conundrum", "description": "I recently started seeing a therapist for relationship issues (basically I suck at maintaining an adult relationship). He had me do an exercise, write down what I \"need\" in a relationship.\n\n​\n\nWhen I start doing this, I keep going back to 'want' and not 'need'. Anyone else have issues with this?", "answer": "This is particularly tough for a lot of folks, especially if they've never really thought about it.  \n\nI use this exercise with most of my clients that are dealing with unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, or even decent relationships but ones where communication could be improved.  \n\n\nOne way that I find helpful with clients is to discuss needs in terms of \"deal breakers\". \n\nFor instance, some of my personal needs/deal breakers are the following:\n\nI need there to be no physical abuse - If my partner ever punched me or hit me with something in anger, even one time, that would likely be enough for me to end the relationship.  \n\nI need my partner to not have any issues with hard drugs - If I find out my partner was addicted to heroin/cocaine/meth and somehow had been keeping this secret, upon finding out, the relationship would be over.  \n\nI need my relationship to be monogamous and my partner to be faithful - any cheating, we're done.  No if's, ands, or buts.  \n\nI need a partner who shares the majority of the values that are important to me - wants to have kids, wants to maintain relationships with friends, is not religious or belonging to a church, is respectful of my relationships with my friends/family, a few more.  \n\n\nI have some more but just wanted to give an example.  \n\n\n\nI have countless wants.  I want a partner who:  Like similar music, has a few shared hobbies, either likes or is willing to put up with my various obsessions: D&D, football, hockey, video games.  Someone who is vegetarian or is at least willing to eat mostly vegetarian at home (as I am).  Someone I can have intellectual conversations with, Someone who isn't a neat freak, Someone who enjoys good beer and whisky, someone my friends get along with, someone who can contribute financially nearly the same as me, someone who likes board games, someone who likes animals, etc.  \n\n\nI could go on and on with this too.  The key is that for the relationship to be a healthy one, you need to be honest with your needs/deal breakers and follow through with a break up if/when that line is crossed or have some plan such as (These are dealbreakers but if they occur and I haven't explicitly talked to the person about it, I'll have the discussion the first time it's crossed but after that it's set in stone and it's game over.)\n\n\nFor a relationships to be healthy, you don't need to get all of your wants met all of the time.  In fact, expecting that is completely unrealistic, even if it seems like your partner meets that during the honeymoon phase.  \n\n\nSo long as you have enough of your wants met enough of the time to tilt the balance between those and the things you don't like/want in favor of the positive while having all needs met, the relationship can be a healthy one.  So long as this is the case for both partners.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fd8vw1", "comment_id": "fjhr3o8"}, {"question": "Is United Airways a good airline?", "description": "I'm a really nervous flyer, so when I need to fly I usually choose an airline I know and trust, but I can't choose this time and I want to know if this airline is safe enough.", "answer": "Hey fellow nervous flyer here ! Is it the Bangladesh company you are talking about ? ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "47ed46", "comment_id": "d0deji7"}, {"question": "Do I have an eating disorder? I don\u2019t feel motivated to eat as much as my body needs for some reason.", "description": "19f, 5\u20192, 116 lbs, white. Currently diagnosed with iron deficiency and general anxiety disorder. No prescription or recreational drug use. \n\nFor the past few months, I have not felt the need to eat as much as I probably should. I don\u2019t really like eating, and even when I\u2019m hungry I\u2019ll often decide \u201ceh, I don\u2019t really feel like eating right now\u201d and just go hungry. I frequently skip meals and often go to bed on an empty stomach because I just don\u2019t feel like I need food. I feel like I basically have to force myself to eat sometimes. \n\nI think my health is starting to suffer. I know my current weight is healthy for my height, but this month is the first time since I was 14 that I weigh less than 120 pounds. I\u2019m used to weighing about ten pounds more than I currently weigh. I feel malnourished. I\u2019m always, always, always tired and I frequently feel ill. I want to be able to eat more. I\u2019m not trying to lose weight, and I want to be adequately nourished. I don\u2019t know why my brain has decided that I need less food than I actually do. \n\nIs there a name for the situation I\u2019m in? Who should I talk to to figure out what my problem is and how to treat it? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Just not being hungry, alone, is not one of the standard eating disorders. If you're feeling ill, that can be a reason not to be hungry. The question then is why you feel ill so much and are losing weight. If you haven't already seen a doctor, I think it would be important for you to do so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hnj5pr", "comment_id": "fxbpg35"}, {"question": "Has anyone had any luck with rogaine?", "description": "My dermatologist keeps recommending it. He wants me to use the men\u2019s rogaine foam once a day. I just don\u2019t know how I feel about the price of it.", "answer": "Costco has a generic brand with the same active ingredient and the 6 month package costs less than one of rogaine.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "bfkdce", "comment_id": "elehr2d"}, {"question": "Dumping a therapist, any tips?", "description": "I've been seeing my current therapist for about 9 months and I don't think it's working out, she's great to talk to but offers no actual help, then she went AWOL for a month and now the final straw is that I found they've been charging both me and my insurance.\nAnyway all that to say how to I end it with her? Just the thought of it is giving me panic attacks.\nThanks", "answer": "Psychologist here.  You don't owe your therapist anything and can just walk away if you want to.  It would be nice if you would make clear that you are leaving and if you want why.  You can request a list of alternative therapists too.    I belong to several lists and we write each other for who has skills and room for clients all the time.  The ideal thing from the therapist pov is to do a termination session or two to say goodbye and review progress and for the therapist to make recommendations.  But this is not required.  ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "2c9but", "comment_id": "cjdah5n"}, {"question": "[36/M] How to get over being cheated on [38/F]", "description": "To be clear, the relationship is over.\nLet's start with the ending.  She called me up last minute and tearfully told me she needed the weekend to herself.  Something came up and i had to call her.  At the end of the call she turns everything around and breaks up with me.  I'm too angry to live with she said, but she can't point out anything I've done in anger. I offer to read up on anger management, maybe see a therapist if needed.  Not good enough, nothing is good enough.  We keep talking stretched over days, next I'm manipulative. Because I pouted that one time she felt tired and didn't want to make guacamole. (I wasn't trying to get her to make it, I was expressing disappointment as she wanted to show me \"her way\").  She wouldn't talk about the good things, and instead told me she didn't feel listened to.  Which was even more odd as she said the exact opposite many times in the relationship.  \"My walls are up\"  \"I hope you move on soon\" ended the final exchange.\n\nAlways one to question, I read a solid book on anger management.  Enlightening yes, but not for reasons I expected.  Turns out I'm very low anger and not half bad at managing what anger I have.  Still a good read.  So, my mind starts to wonder... what really happened? I look back over our texts like no sane person would. I see the times she went to lunch with single coworkers who she thought had a crush on her. Lunch here, dinner there.  Followed by long stretches of no texts and what now look like very flimsy reasons for going awol when I was generally expected to be responsive.  I think back to her talking about the last guy she dated before me.  I remember the timeline was confusing as though they'd broken up possibly only days before.  At the time i passed it off, I trusted her... she wouldn't hurt me like that.  I now remember that for the breakup call she was standing on her balcony, freeway noise in full force.  It was late in the morning, almost noon and the early riser was still in bed.  She had to \"wake up\" and go outside where it's noisy to talk to me?  He was already there... It was over before she even hinted it to me. \n\nIn hindsight, I completely missed it.  She started replacing me at least a month ago while simultaneously dangling the specter of moving in with me later in the year.  I gave the relationship my all, I have no idea what I was to her.\n\nSo, as the initial question stands.  How do you move on once someone does you like this?  Trust is already a delicate thing, and she clearly abused mine.  \n", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ls2sx", "comment_id": "djwbh72"}, {"question": "Should I be worried about my girlfriend?", "description": "Hey so not asking for myself but for my gf. Shes 5'4 140ish pounds, hald filipina, half black. \n\nEarlier today she was sucking on a cbd lollipop and i was next to her. I got startled by something (im very jumpy, i have anxiety) and jolted my arms up really hard. My hand accidentally struck the stick of the lollipop on its way up and because of the leverage her head got pushed and snapped back very violently and the lollipop brok in her mouth.\n\nShe said she was fine but i have bad concussion anxiety so i was wondering what anyone thought and if this could be concussive force?", "answer": "Probably not. It sounds like you didn't actually hit her head directly. She could have a whiplash injury, but even that sounds unlikely. If she says she feels okay, you can probably believe her.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pcte5", "comment_id": "e0al0pz"}, {"question": "How do I keep a conversation going or start a conversation when I have cannot think of something to say?", "description": "I find myself to be in this situation quite a lot if I am having a conversation with someone I hang out with. At some point the other person is done with a story and I have no things to add or ask some more then it get silent for a while and I can't think of anything to say eventually the other person goes on with another subject and I just listen most of the time.\n\nI am not really good at telling story's or just get a subject out of the blue I simple fall silent and feel like a statue at this point it is really awkward most of the time. Of-course sometimes silence is good but not when it happens so often. I am a quiet person by nature but not really shy I simply don't have anything to say.", "answer": "I wrote a full [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) which should be pretty helpful for you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3p4sc3", "comment_id": "cw3c4qf"}, {"question": "Lexapro for Panic Disorder?", "description": "Gender: Male  \nHeight: 6ft  \nWeight: 215lbs  \nSmoking: minor chewing tobacco use  \nMedications: metoprolol, Lexapro\nPrevious conditions: hypertension, eczema  \nSymptoms: worrying constantly about panic attacks which cause panic attacks (nausea, rapid heart rate, losing feeling in limbs)\n\nI\u2019ve been googling a ton but can\u2019t seem to find any comprehensive results. I\u2019ve been having panic attacks and my doctor put me on Lexapro. I\u2019ve seen online that it helps with generalized anxiety disorder but it doesn\u2019t seem approved to help with Panic Disorder.  Does Lexapro help with panic attacks?", "answer": "There\u2019s good evidence for all the SSRIs in panic disorder and there\u2019s limited evidence to choose one over another. I found a decent [review article](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2656325/#idm139907891365552title) on escitalopram (Lexapro) for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e469j6", "comment_id": "f988xvl"}, {"question": "Klinefelter Syndrome, Testosterone Therapy questions (M, 22)", "description": "I'm interested what my chances are, as a 22 year old, to develop physically still further. What would be your recommended therapy, so I can compare it with my doctor's?\n\nThanks in advance", "answer": "[Klinefelter syndrome](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/klinefelters-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2f6b", "comment_id": "diexpe2"}, {"question": "200 days today and I'm seriously considering drinking.", "description": "I'm laying in bed and my family is not here. I'm thinking about going to grab some cash out of the atm and go to the store and just get a little bottle. Nothing bad has happened to me and life is good but I just want to check out.  **UPDATE*** I WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT 4 MINI BOTTLES AND GOT HOME MIXED WITH COKE STARED AT IT AND THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT POSTED I FOUND THE STRENGTH TO DUMP IT DOWN THE TOILET. I WAS SHAKING AFTER I DUMPED IT. IWNFDWYT!!", "answer": "Well done mate... seriously, that\u2019s really brave. IWNDWYT \n\nAre you relieved? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o5quk", "comment_id": "e7s36h3"}, {"question": "I'm convinced I'm a bad girlfriend", "description": "I'm a 17/F that has been dating a 21/M for almost 6 months now. I honestly feel like I treat him like trash, despite him saying otherwise, I just feel like he's using ex gfs as a comparison and deciding I treat him better. I get so mad at him over nothing, if he doesn't do something I've suggested or sometimes (the majority of the time) he hasn't done anything at, I've gotten annoyed at something else, and I take my frustration out on him, I'm very short with him and sometimes I don't answer him in person (basically for no reason. I can go from fine to mad over nothing in a second and back again and it just seems like it's all of the time, and I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm bipolar because of how often it is. ", "answer": "- that's not how bipolar works. \n- what triggers the sudden upset?  Like a concrete example?\n- does he bring up his ex-gfs or do you just speculate about them?\n- it's his responsibility to tell you what does and does not work for him. Not your responsibility to mindread. \n- hopefully he'd know that, as the older partner. \n- at your ages, 4 years is a significant gap. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gq7ue", "comment_id": "dis9gu8"}, {"question": "I want to see a psychiatrist but I have no money and no health insurance. What can I do?", "description": "Things are going very badly in my life.  I want to see a psychiatrist but I don't have any money or health insurance.  What can I do.  I'm not working and I tried to look for work but I can't concentrate.  Life is too hard and I dont' want to live anymore.  ", "answer": "If you live near a university, most of them that offer degrees in counseling have a free clinic attached to them ( or sliding scale-- the clinic near me charges $1-$30 per session, depending on family income. Most people pay just $5 per session.). Call the department and ask! Good luck!", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1e6yo2", "comment_id": "c9xfmu7"}, {"question": "Should I get checked out for rabies?", "description": "I\u2019m a 20 year old female, 132 lbs, 5\u20197\u201d.\n\nI was drunk one night with friends and we were walking to a party when I saw a cat- too young to be an adult and too old to be a kitten. It was very docile and calm so one of my friends and I (we both long animals) approached it. It was a little shy and laid down and cowered a little before we began petting it.\n\nI admit that I was a bit too rough with it because I was not in the right state of mind and was excited so I was petting the cat much like how you pet a big dog- roughhousing and the like. I picked up the cat several times and attempted to carry it and each time it jump out of my arms. It would follow me constantly but stop eventually and lay on the sidewalk staring at me. \n\nThe last time that I pet it, it was calm at first but out of nowhere it scratched me and bit my hand. The bite was deep enough that it has a narrow scab but didn\u2019t draw blood. The bite was a little out of season because the cat was literally playing with me up until that point but I also realize that since it was a stray it may not know how to act around people so biting could just be a defensive response not trained out of this.\n\nI did research and was surprised to see how long it takes the virus to show symptoms in humans- 3 to 9 weeks. It will be a week since the bite tomorrow (Saturday). So far I feel normal. No real change in me. \n\nThere are a lot of tests involve and I don\u2019t have the time for that especially since I\u2019m a college student. I also overreact a lot and my friends keep saying that I should go to the hospital to have the tests done. I don\u2019t want to spend all that money and there\u2019s nothing wrong.\n\nThe bit is healing fine and my gut is telling me it\u2019s okay. But I just want a second opinion. I know anything is possible but I honestly don\u2019t think the cat had rabies. Only 1 or 2 people die from rabies in the US and I heard some 45000 contract it. \n\nI\u2019m not try to play the what if game...\n\nIt\u2019s just unsettling because this virus can actually be fatal especially once symptoms show. So it\u2019s basically a waiting game... ", "answer": "I think you have a misunderstanding. Once the virus shows symptoms it is almost invariably fatal; if you were exposed you often must be treated without really knowing whether you were infected or not. Testing the animal is the easiest way to know, but it's likely that you can't find the cat now. There were not thousands of cases in the US; there were a few dozen in the past two decades, partially because of aggressive prophylaxis after possible exposures.\n\nRabies is actually fairly rare, and bites from an animal that isn't obviously sick are very unlikely to cause rabies. You are probably fine. But the risk of being wrong is contracting rabies and dying. Ultimately we can't tell you what to do, just that the risk is very low but non-zero that you were infected and the risk of untreated infection is virtually 100% mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9bmn2r", "comment_id": "e548xrw"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Some amount of discharge isn\u2019t so rare during puberty among boys, but it can be something more serious. I wouldn\u2019t worry, but I would discuss with your doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jxnk8j", "comment_id": "gcy08lk"}, {"question": "Hello Reddit users. I need your advice on what this woman thinks of me?", "description": "I went to the dentist yesterday, and there was this beautiful fair skinned lady. My guess would be shes between 26-31 years of age considering shes a dentist. Anyways, while i was in the chair, i caught her sneak and glance into the room. Like a quick glance but she look at me briefly. She walked back and forth through the hallway either once or twice, i cant really remember. She stayed in her office next door with another woman for about 10-15 minutes while i was getting my procedure done. Literally as soon as i was done she stood at the door and smiled at me and i smiled and winked back as i was caught of guard. Was that a coincidence?, Also i am 20 years old, but i look like a 15-16 year old kid. I have no hair on my face, i am 5\"8 , i weigh 156 pounds. If any of this does mean anything, What could she possibly see in me? I would say i am attractive, usually its high school girls that approach me because i look so young. They say on a 1-10 attractiveness scale (Kind of ridiculous and immature right?), that i am an 8-8.5. Some have even said a 9. What do you guys think about this? I desperately need help with this as its been on my mind.", "answer": "This won't be the advice you are looking for but, here goes.  It is really hard to judge her reaction to you without physically being there to read the body language.  Also your are going to have a skewed view of her since you want her to be attracted to her.  If you really want to find out if she likes you, you have to ask.  There is no easy way around it and strangers on the internet don't have the answer of whether she likes you or not.  Ask if she wants to go out for a drink or something sometime.  Tailor the sentence how yo wish.  Now a work of caution.  One of two things happens.  Either she accepts your request for fun and you start down that path.  Or she denies your request and now you have a dentist that you will always look at and wonder what could be.  Having a relationship in an area of your life that initial served another purpose can be tricky.  Even if you do get in a relationship with this woman you have to be prepared for all outcomes.  ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46j3qd", "comment_id": "d05k4ru"}, {"question": "[26f] I have a general question, guys.. what are some things you would change if you started really having feels for your FWB?", "description": "8 months I have had I guess you could say a FWB [30m] and his behavior/our conversation has changed quite a bit recently and I can't tell if he is taking this more serious or if I am now being literally just friend-zoned.\n\n", "answer": "be direct. talk about converting to a real rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6stskd", "comment_id": "dlfgfsl"}, {"question": "Walked out on my therapist, need to get it off my chest (long)", "description": "(This got long... TL;DR: Walked out of therapist\u2019s office after ~12 weekly sessions that felt inconsistent and disorganized, jumping around to different approaches without going in-depth. I felt ill-prepared to do a task therapist pushed me to tackle. Failed that task, and was met with criticism I felt was unnecessary and tactless. Was told that my anxiety is normal, yet somehow so severe that therapy can not help me unless I am medicated. Hoping to find a therapist who clicks better with me, and make a path of progress.)\n\n\nI\u2019ve heard many times that you gotta work with different therapists and find someone who clicks well with you. Makes sense. Still, this experience of leaving this therapist has me feeling guilty, stressed, and questioning myself, and I just need to get it off my chest.\n\n\nAfter not seeing a therapist for ~1.5 years, I began seeing this doctor weekly a few months ago. My first impression of her was her demeanor, the word \u201cbrusque\u201d comes to mind. I\u2019d never gotten this vibe from a therapist, but figured maybe I need someone a bit tough who won\u2019t coddle me. I expressed to her at our first session that I am seeking help with anxiety and depression, specifically to learn coping mechanisms for when my anxiety impedes me from doing important tasks, like taking steps to move forward in my career. I get overwhelmed, and \u201ccope\u201d by avoiding. I do other tasks that feel productive but avoid the important life stuff. Told her I was interested in CBT, she said great let\u2019s do that. But working with her wasn\u2019t the step by step path that hoped it\u2019d be.\n\n\nSo we start CBT stuff- as homework, I started a journal of negative feelings, recording them, recognizing cognitive distortions. But after a couple of sessions she stops all that and shifts our focus to breathing exercises. Then another time, she says medication is something I should consider, when previously she said medication is more of a last resort if therapy isn\u2019t helping. I'm not against medication, but she knows I\u2019ve tried many in the past that haven\u2019t helped, some with significant side effects, so I'm trying to focus more on therapy now. Around session 8, she says let\u2019s create a \u201cTreatment & Recovery Plan\u201d, something she\u2019s been \u201cmeaning to do with me for a while\u201d.. Then at our last few sessions, she shifts the focus to DBT, and gives me some worksheets, explaining some of it may not apply to me, but that it might be good for mood regulation. I go along with everything- she\u2019s the professional, I want to be receptive to whatever may help. Each time she switches to a new thing she seems to abandon the previous thing, so I get the sense she decided they were not working. I feel I could have benefited from practicing CBT more (and I should have voiced this)\n\n\nDuring our sessions, she learns that I have very low self esteem, I constantly beat myself up, am self-defeating. She asks me about my past, trying to find a reason for my low self esteem. My past isn\u2019t perfect (whose is?) but no outrageous trauma on which to place blame for my mental shortcomings. She insists in a few separate sessions that I just have to stop thinking negatively. I express that having persistent negative thoughts is not a choice I make, and was hoping that therapy would help me learn to cope with them so they are manageable. Her advice is more about having strength of will to overcome these thoughts. I\u2019m like..how though? She actually snapped her fingers to illustrate stopping the bad thoughts. I can\u2019t just flip a switch like that and so I feel I have already failed, am incapable.. worthless. (catastrophizing, black and white thinking)\n\n\nThen at our 2nd-to-last session, the homework she assigned for next time was tackling a task that triggers my anxiety: beginning to build a website (as mentioned earlier, a task to move forward in my career). I express to her that I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m equipped to handle the emotions that arise. She says \u201cYou seem like a functioning, smart person, you have a job. You just have to commit and really push yourself in baby steps. You should have a fire under your ass.. IF this is something you really want,\u201d she says, knowing I have internal battles over whether I really want this career path, if working on it triggers so much anxiety.. But I supposed this was that tough love, something I probably need to hear. My homework is to work on the website for a mere two hours total over the next two weeks. (Normally I see her every week but she was going to be away the following week.)\n\n\nAnyway, I fail. Each time I approached the task, I tried to cope with my anxiety and panic with breathing exercises and CBT logic, but I fell back to my poor coping mechanism of just avoiding it without making notable progress. I do feel like a sham of a person just typing this. Could I have tried harder? Yes. However, I do well in other areas over those weeks (probably to make up for the guilt) such as pushing myself to eat on a regular schedule, pushing harder to do mindfulness meditation/breathing exercises twice daily, and I begin an exercise regimen, hoping these things will help with my anxiety in general. The meditation and breathing exercises are a nice break, but the anxiety comes back in full force afterwards when approaching the task. I am keeping at it, I get that it takes time.\n\n\nSo yesterday I see her for the first time in two weeks. I tell her about eating better, exercising, breathing exercises/meditation. She says great, asks if I put in the two hours on my website and I say no, explain how I tried and failed, and start getting down on myself about it. Now she begins to speak with me in a tone of frustration (or so it truly seemed to me, maybe I have a victim complex, this has me questioning reality). She says she can\u2019t understand why I have such low self esteem, since I have supportive people around me, am physically capable, and function well enough to hold a job. Now I feel myself start to panic- racing heart, shaky limbs, tense muscles. I feel invalidated hearing this. All the time I beat myself up with thoughts like this. I am staring at the floor feeling attacked.\n\n\nI tell her (not for the first time) that I wish I had a reason for my anxiety, but I don\u2019t, and does that mean my feelings are not legitimate? She says \u201cabsolutely not, of course your feelings are legitimate!\u201d Ok\u2026 I have an urge to leave. My legs feel like they might just carry me out of here. She continues, saying that everyone has anxiety and what I am feeling is normal. I try to interject but she continues, saying she feels she is doing a disservice to me if I have this level of anxiety and am not on medication. That I\u2019m not trying hard enough and need to commit more. That I\u2019ve been slacking on the homework, and yet in the same breath recalls back to the CBT journals (??) She reiterates that she feels she\u2019s doing a disservice to me.\n\n\nI feel defeated, I feel like I\u2019m taking crazy pills trying to follow her line of reasoning. I get up and go toward the door while thanking her for her time, apologizing, asking her to please cancel our future sessions. I\u2019m careful to speak quietly and politely, terrified of seeming overly dramatic, I just wanna leave. On my way out the door she said \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way\u201d. \u201cThank you\u201d keeps coming out of my mouth stupidly as I close the door behind me. Part of me feels awful for walking out, like I made her feel like she failed.\n\n\nI exit the building and cry in my car. Going round and round in my head like: How could she be so heartless- No, I\u2019m overly sensitive, incapable of meeting reasonable expectations- I failed, I\u2019ll never get better, what\u2019s the point- No, she didn\u2019t handle it professionally, said things she knows I constantly beat myself up about- Well, she\u2019s right, I\u2019m my own worst enemy, I hate myself.. etc. I calm myself down, call my best friend who kindly lets me vent and we talk for a bit, and then I\u2019m ready to drive home.\n\n\nNow I\u2019m all fucked up.. not sure which of us came up short here. Maybe both of us. Maybe I couldn\u2019t handle the tough love and just want to be coddled, maybe I\u2019m lazy and don\u2019t want to put in effort. But I know I DO want to put in effort. I just want a therapist who will stick to one consistent treatment. Surely that\u2019s reasonable? Someone who will push me to practice skills to create good habits (like the CBT journaling). Who will be understanding when I fail (Is that coddling)? I get enough criticism from myself for failing, I do not need it from a therapist too. Is it unreasonable to want my hand to be held that much? To have my feelings of anxiety be validated, while also recognized as damaging, and learning to manage them? Part of me worries I\u2019m asking too much, wanting to be coddled and tough-loved simultaneously. But part of me is like, no, you'll find an understanding yet firm person to teach and guide you. You deserve to start breaking these chains so you can live better.\n\n\nI really needed to get this off my chest. I feel guilty for taking like two hours to write and edit it, but there\u2019s no need for me to feel that way, because it was therapeutic and now I can wash my hands of it.\n\n\nIf you\u2019re reading this, thank you. If you want to share your thoughts or experiences, please do. Thank you again and hope you have a pleasant day!", "answer": "Hey there.. for me, what I really need for my anxiety is to have someone validate and love me while also keeping strong boundaries and setting some containment. It sounds to me like the skipping around to different techniques and the lack of linear concrete tasks was really disregulating for you. \n\nI also think there is some truth, probably, in you taking things to heart that aren\u2019t necessarily that harsh? But nevertheless, you may need to start with someone who is more about unconditional positive regard, so that you can replace your inner critic with a more kind voice and THEN the tough love after that. Tough love can be difficult to take when you\u2019re already making yourself feel like shit - it just feels like piling on. \n\nI\u2019m sorry you had that experience, and I do hope you\u2019ll look around for someone who\u2019s a little more experienced and a little more kind :)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8sczkh", "comment_id": "e0z5lfh"}, {"question": "I know youre out there", "description": "Hey, \n\nVoice to the wind. Wind into the voice. I know you're out there. I don't feel like it's the right time either. Because it'll come in time.\n\nThis is cool. \n\nHey you, yes, you. You reading this. You are valid, you are genuine, you are a people. Your problems are your problems, yeah I know, they suck. Really hurts right? I empathize. I go through them too. Know what? Itl be okay. It equals out. There's loss and there's love. You'll experience both, I have a feeling.\n\nHave a great fucking day!", "answer": "Beautiful, thank you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atco81", "comment_id": "eh0h311"}, {"question": "Tips for Dating/being married to an introvert?!", "description": "My SO[26M] and I [23F] have been together for 1 1/2 years now and he is a major introvert. I on the other hand, wouldnt classify myself as an extrovert but somewhere in between the 2. We get along so well even with our differences in personality because we balance each other a little and we are usually extremely happy. We rarely fight, but on the odd time that we do, its about how much time to spend together and things surrounding his introverted tendencies. We are getting to that point in our relationship where marriage could be on the table soon, but we are both worried that his introverted tendencies could make having a family and simply living together, really hard. I am currently really good about giving him his space when he needs it and letting him recharge alone. but when you live together, i know that itgets harder!  He really wants to change and not be so introverted, but he feels like it may not be possible and that he might just have to end up completely alone. \nBasically i'm just looking for some tips on how we can make this work.? I can't see my life being spent with anyone else and im really determined to make this work. I know he loves me, and he says if he ends up with anyone it will be me, but will this be too much of an uphill battle?\nAny advice helps! \n\nTL;DR My boyfriend is an introvert and im not. How do we make this work? ", "answer": "I'm an introvert and one of my favorite things to do is have \"together alone\" time where we are doing separate things but can still enjoy each other's company. We can each be engaged in separate hobbies, read a book, browse the internet, etc while the other is doing something else. After some time passes, we regroup and share what we've been up to. This can even be disbursed throughout the activities (sharing interesting articles, quotes, thoughts, progress on a project, etc.). So this way, the introvert gets time to recharge and the extrovert still has someone to hang out with.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2dfthu", "comment_id": "cjpfvs5"}, {"question": "Post psychiatry and employment.", "description": "I hope you don't mind my asking but was anybody able to go back to work successfully post psychiatry?  Did the stigma follow you?  Did you have to make any modifications?", "answer": "You don't have an obligation to disclose psychiatric treatment, and your psychiatrist, like any doctor, has both ethical and legal (HIPAA) obligations to not disclose anything without your permission.\n\nPsychiatric disability is covered by the ADA, but proving why you weren't hired is next to impossible. Once you are hired you have a better case if you get fired, but it's still a long, difficult legal challenge.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7twmp1", "comment_id": "dtg1o1x"}, {"question": "Looking for opinion on my mental health", "description": "Hi first time posting. Went to doctor recently to get an opinion on my mental Heath have been referred to phychiatrist but have not been yet, wondering if I can get an opinion on here before I go. Here goes.... I have trouble concentrating at work my mind is always wondering/ procrastinating. I have always been a heavy over thinker and I think very fast also read fast, always feel in a hurry. I have bad memory because I'm always overthinking I forget where I place things/what I'm doing, things like people's names go right through my head. I find it very had to clear my head like I never have calm in my thoughts. I get irritated easy. I feel like my overthinking wears me out. I've always had trouble following instructions I.e plans I find it a lot easier to learn hands on. I always have plans to start hobbies like build a bar get into spearfishing etc but quickly lose interest. I have trouble getting to sleep and wake up during the night and find my brain racing. My thoughts aren't worries usually just random things, unless I'm stressed out then I find myself winding myself up over small problems and repeating my thoughts. My mother suffers from depression/ anxiety although I don't feel depressed I thought I'd put that in there. I'm also a lot better and mind is clearer out of work or if I'm doing something I enjoy.\n I intend on writing this all down and taking it to the phychiatrist to help explain myself.\n\nAny feedback/opinions would be much appreciated, thanks for reading.", "answer": "Some of your symptoms sound like a manic episode to me...but I don't have enough info from your post to say that with certainty.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49rnuo", "comment_id": "d0vobu2"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "Everyone has strong and weak sides. Are you convinced that someone with narcissistic traits is per definition not a good match for you?\n\nMy advice is to look at each potential partner as a whole, and not just as a narcissist or not-narcissist, and to look at your past partners in the same way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd3l4zb"}, {"question": "110 days clean, how do i get over depression?", "description": "I'm a teenager, so I still live with my mom and she keeps a really tight leash on me. I understand that, but I've barely been out of the house in almost 4 months and when I do, I cant be out for over an hour. My mom won't let me get a job, go to school, or see friends. I'm really sheltered and left with my own thoughts as my only friends. I went into treatment in August, which was my 3rd time being institutionalized. I've been going to NA meetings here and there, but I don't really seem to connect with the people at the meetings in my area, even though i've been going for almost a year. I'm an agnostic, and I feel so lonely and hopeless at this point. The only thing keeping me from a relapse is a lock on the medicine cabinet. Any advice??", "answer": "Get a sponsor. I got sober at 17, I know how you feel. While I wasn't locked down I should've been. The only way I made it was by going to AA meetings and actually putting myself out there. I shook hands and got numbers, I made coffee and set up chairs. Sounds boring right? I had the time of my life at around 3-6 months.\n\nNext and arguably the most important thing for me, was I got a sponsor and worked the twelve steps. It saved my life and I would've been batshit crazy and depressed if I hadn't.\n\nThere are also medical issues surrounding depression that need to be dealt with along with the addiction. AA is important, but sometimes anti-depressants are needed for fixing the chemical imbalances that occur in the brain as a result of depression. \n\nThere are a million things you can do to get out of your head. It'll be tough being on lockdown, but the farther you get from that last drink and the closer you get to recovery the longer that leash will become. \n\nThis too shall pass my friend. Things are great on the other side of the tunnel.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1rx63q", "comment_id": "cdrt67v"}, {"question": "I wrote someone a love letter and he told me that it scared him. (x-post from offmychest)", "description": "No use in overanalyzing all of the details. For 8 months we did this weird song and dance where he treated me like I was the light of his life but vocally insisted that he couldn't be in a relationship. We \"broke up\" only for the contact, the \"I miss you's\" from him to intensify. I thought he had changed his mind and that one of us needed to step up and be brave first. He told me my letter scared him and complicated things between us further. We went from feeling like we understood each other completely to him being really frustrated at me because he felt like he had to repeat himself on things we'd already discussed. I just thought, based on his actions, that he wanted something else. We went NC.\n\nBut, no matter. I'm glad I was honest and told him how I felt. I know that his rejection speaks nothing to my worth as a human being and everything to do with where he is as a person. Our last conversation was awkward and stressful and a little embarrassing for me, but if our friendship is strong then we'll be able to repair things down the line, and if he really doesn't value or respect me then I don't need him in my life.\n\nI thought he was the one. He didn't. That's okay. Life moves on. Does anyone have stories from down the line? I just want to hear happy anecdotes of people getting their heart stomped on and that enabling them to meet someone better down the line. ", "answer": "When someone gives you an emotionally-dating-but-not-really-dating deal, you run. You run so far. It sucks the life from you.\n\nInvolved in one of these semi-recently, and still reeling.", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "34j4ru", "comment_id": "cqva6gb"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d\n\nthat isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a REASON for that.\n\n idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be Over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "I just watched Miss Congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and Gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. That hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 I watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.\n\nPSA: It\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "g5t2qzy"}, {"question": "I'm [23/M] got into a huge fight with my [22/F] Girlfriend. What can I do??", "description": "Yesterday, my girlfriend had texted me about something that she found out. When we first started dating, she had told me some gossip and asked me not to tell. After some time I let it slip to a friend of mine. I don't remember when I said it, but I know I did. \n\nSix months into our relationship (Yesterday), she found out I told and was angry that I told my friend. She got very upset, citing how the trust was broken, how I was stupid for telling him, and that she couldn't believe it. \n\nAfter some time and thought, I apologized for what I had done. I apologized for betraying her trust and citing the ways in which I did that. This morning I received messages stating the relationship was over, that she didn't know me, that I was a terrible person, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.\n\nWe have a history of fights that end in breakups, but this time she said she was done for good. \n\nI know I messed up, and explained what I did was wrong. I explained why it was wrong, and what I was going to do to fix it.\nShe was very upset by me breaking her trust. I have really hurt her by telling my friend.\n\nMy question is, Is there anything I can do?? \n\ntldr: Fight with girlfriend. I told a friend about something that she didn't want me telling anyone. I know I messed up. Girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with me. What can I do??\n\nEDIT: By saying after some time, I apologized two hours after our initial conversation. I understand I was wrong. Our arguments play out with her yelling and screaming, and I listen to what she has to say. I only ever want to understand what she is saying and where she is coming from.", "answer": "giver her  space for a day or two. she'll come around.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bigcc", "comment_id": "dhmu7l9"}, {"question": "I need help, but I'm afraid of the consequences of getting it", "description": "tl;dr- If I choose to get help and I end up getting diagnosed with depression, there's a good chance it would end my career. \n\nI'm writing this because I've reached a point in my life where I'm completely unsatisfied with where my life is at, but I have no idea of how to fix it. I'm a mid-20's male, I have a stable job flying for the military, I'm healthy, and I'm pretty much financially secure. A lot of people would want to be where I am, and yet I am completely miserable. \n\nWithout going into my entire backstory, I feel like I've always had some low-level depression growing up. I was shy, introverted, and had few friends, and very little interest or enjoyment in any sports or hobbies. I powered through it until I was done with college, thinking that \"As soon as I get to X, things will pick up\". Except that now there's no next milestone in sight, and I'm left with an unrewarding job, no real friends, and very little passion or motivation to do anything beyond basic needs. \n\nI finally got to a point where I thought \"If I keeled over right now, how long would it take for anyone to find me?\", and I realized that I could be dead for the better part of a week before I was discovered. I look at myself and what I see disgusts me. I feel like I'm so far behind in life, and have so many varied issues that I don't even know where to start fixing things. When my appearance, personality, social life, and interests are all terrible or non-existent, and all my attempts to improve have failed, how do I get out of this?\n\nI realized I probably need professional help, but therein lies the problem. As part of my career as a military aviator, I need to report any treatment or counseling for mental health issues. If I were to be diagnosed with an actual mental disorder that requires treatment, such as depression, I could be taken off of flying status permanently with no way of seeking a waiver. My career in the military would be effectively over, and so would any possibility of continuing to fly as a civilian. \n\nSo, I can either learn to deal with being miserable, as I have been doing, and continue to have a career and be self-sufficient. Or, I can roll the dice on seeking help, and if what I have is permanent and requires treatment, my career is over and I would effectively be disabled. ", "answer": "I would recommend finding a counselor you feel comfortable with, and paying cash for a few sessions to see if it helps at all. Paying cash and keeping it off the insurance keeps your counselor from having to give you an \"official\" diagnosis. Plenty of people seek counseling for life stressors that would not necessarily be considered serious mental disorders, but for insurance purposes counselors have to assign a diagnosis to get paid. \n\nIf you ethically feel as though it's something you would need to report to your employer, that's a decision you would have to make on your own. \n\nSource: Am licensed professional counselor ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68daex", "comment_id": "dgxpzqk"}, {"question": "Seeking answers", "description": "So lately I have been having major anxiety, further leading to what seems to be a panic attack. I have only had this happen a few times in the past few months. Looking for suggestions on how to handle it. They usually come out of nowhere. ", "answer": "Use medication but sparingly. Check medical possibilities. Fix your diet so your gut biome is healthy, start to cut out stress you can but only because you'll need the room for stresses you can't cut out like anxiety. Start to practice meditation and belly breathing. Carry ice cold water in a 24hr vacuum insulated bottle. Tell at least three people. Read about it but don't read anything that talks about \"cut out caffeine and reduce your stress\" they are talking about worry, not anxiety. Practice more belly expansion and other vaygal stimulating exercises. Try Chinese herbs like ashwagandha. Sleep enough. Always differentiate external from internal fear. Recheck medical possibilities. When panicking use your senses to pull you out, if you can't empirically validate the fear it's probably not external. Internal fear is anxiety and while very real, it's not going to harm you. Avoid the temptation to accommodate triggers. Cut out caffeine. Look into fecal transplants. Use the repulsion as motivation to do more of the other stuff. Check for hyperthyroidism again. Go to a counselor if you can't get somewhere in your own. Find a good book on it. \n\nFinally  after none of this has worked, Use Ketamine to reprogram your limbic system. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6hxcmk", "comment_id": "dj1x6su"}, {"question": "Self taught/self guided CBT?", "description": "Is it possible/effective to learn CBT from scratch, and then apply it yourself without the guidance of a therapist of some kind? \nAre there any resources you\u2019d recommend, workbooks, etc. and what would you say are the main pitfalls to attempting this alone?", "answer": "Everyone can benefit from a set of skills that helps them think more rationally,  and checks whether their thoughts are influencing their emotions.  You can also also challenge your own black-and-white thinking.  As a non-CBT practicing psychologist,  I think these and are other CBT type skills are  fantastic for anyone. \n\nAs far as self-learning CBT, I  think this would be like learning tennis from a book, with no racket,  court , or balls. You could easily learn every stroke and position,  but that is very different than actually playing the game . And then,  if you got out and  played tennis by yourself against a wall , how would you  get better or be challenged? How would you know if you were making the same mistake over and over?\n\nAlso , the reason you can't apply it to yourself is because you can't possibly know what you do and don't know . Everyone has blind spots .\n\nI think anyone can benefit from solid techniques and new ways of thinking.  You can check yourself on whether your thoughts are influencing your emotional state,  but that is very different than the work of therapy .\n\nIf cost is prohibiting you from getting help , I recommend seeing a grad student . They are usually free or very low cost.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwhljo", "comment_id": "fmos4ny"}, {"question": "I\u2019m baaaack", "description": "Hey team - i just wanted to report back on all the benefits of drinking over the last year! Wooo I\u2019m pumped! I\u2019ve had daily hangovers, personal issues, Ill-health, lack of achievement, wasted money, depression, amongst other awesome things!\n\nI love drinking!\n\nWhat I really mean is... what the fuck am I doing with myself?\n\nDay 4 of getting my life back on track for the ones I love and even possibly myself at some point.\n\nYou guys rock - stay strong", "answer": "Welcome back. Good luck!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bpiz0k", "comment_id": "enw1hms"}, {"question": "Is it a hobby? Is it a career path?", "description": "I'm stuck. \n\nI need to decide on a viable career path to start following as I work on my novel. So I thought I would do a little crowd sourcing to see how those of you with careers and degrees finally settled on what seems to be working in your life. \n\nAs with many of us I have very real strengths and weaknesses. One huge weakness is fitting in, it's so problematic that I get fired from jobs constantly because no matter what I do, no matter how I check my words and reactions, I just never become a part of the \"team\".  And of course if my interest is not held in a constant state of excitement and reward, I'll just float off into procrastination. So I'm thinking I need to run my own business and it needs to be something that does not require many, if any co-workers. \n\nStrengths, I have the gift of gab. I can talk to anybody about anything and be super charming in small doses. Public speaking is basically second nature, in truth I often feel more comfortable on a stage. I'm good with plants, herbs and food. I have an extensive history with sports and physical fitness. People often come to me for tips on healthy meal planning and the science behind the food and drinks they are ingesting. In my big dreams I could see myself attacking the diet and fitness industry from the outside as a reasonable voice for actual health, but I believe that could just be one of my ADHD pipe dreams. \n\nWhile it seems clear that I have an idea of what to pursue, I am genuinely afraid of losing interest and failing at yet another thing. I know I will have little support because I've gone down so many different paths thinking this is the one! \n\nHow did you do it? How did you settle on what felt right for you? How can you tell what is just another flash in the pan hobby interest, vs. something you can keep up for years?", "answer": "I've always had a morbid curiosity for messed up things. I first considered a coroner but you need to be a doctor and I (unnecessarily) doubted my ability. The next most interesting thing was forensic psychology. \n\nAfter looking into and applying for a range of degrees, I got accepted into a bachelor of arts in psychology. 6 years later I'm four weeks away from handing my second thesis in and becoming a fully registered clinical psychologist. I think in the future I would like to go on to do medicine but for now I'm going to work for a bit and see where I end up. Still interested in forensic and legal work... might work in a court system for a while.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "df0akk", "comment_id": "f32zvw8"}, {"question": "How normal are violent thoughts on preteens/young teens?", "description": "I had a phase in which I had kinda violent thoughts. This started when I was around 11 and faded away slowly when I was like 16. I would think about killing my family (who I'm really close to), stabbing people, killing people at school, pushing them off balconies, sometimes torture them, setting places on fire, hurting animals (this is the only one that made me feel guilty). I distinctly remember wanting to push a pregnant teacher down the stairs, because she could lose her baby and she would suffer from it. I don't think they were intrusive thoughts because I used to carefully plan those things and I felt satisfaction out of it, I liked the thought of seeing someone scared, feeling that power over them. I also had thoughts about wanting to jump off buildings, but I didn't exactly wanted to kill myself. And I remember feeling constantly angry.\n\nI never acted on it, of course, but I used to threat people a lot, draw and write disturbing things. They faded away by themselves without any intervention, so, in my head and based on the kind of people I got along with (I was in a Catholic school and most of us were there because we were kinda problematic) I thought it was just a phase and it was normal for a kid that age, but now my brother is 12 and he seems so mentally stable, so it made me question how normal actually this is. I've been diagnosed with panic disorder and slight depression, but I suspect ADHD, if that's important. I had it so normalised and I recently got a realization, like \"its probably not that normal\".\n\nAs it's been some years now I would probably ask my psychiatrist but since we're on quarantine, my last appointment was on march, so I would like to hear your thoughts about it. Thanks!\n\nTLDR; I used to feel pleasure out if thinking about hurting people and I thought it was because I was a teen but I want to know if it's actually \"normal\". I'm already in therapy, I'm just curious.", "answer": "I haven't evaluated or treated you, so I can't say anything for sure. However,  since you said this resolved itself with age and no intervention and because you never acted on these thoughts (aside from threars)  I suspect it may be related to poor access to coping skills and little control over your life as a kid. \n\nKids often have no control over external circumstances and may not be taught or modeled internal coping . So,  if your only way to self sooth and feel in control was to imagine these violent scenes,  then it makes sense .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hundm6", "comment_id": "fyo6did"}, {"question": "My introvert GF (26years) is driving me crazy (25 years).", "description": "Hey guys,\nMy GF of a year is too shy and embarrassed to share things with me, he hardly speaks and rather prefers me to speak. Also, she is not a social person and prefers reading quietly most of the time. I am the exact opposite and it pisses me off when I have to go talking like a radio.\nI tried to ask her what in her mind and what bothering her, but she says she can figure it out too. There is too much negativity when I talk to her.\nPlease advice.\nCheers.", "answer": "You can break up with her if you want. \n\nIf you don't want, you're gonna have to find some way of connecting with her that satisfies you that she's willing to participate in.  Can you describe that to her in non-complaining, positive terms?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ir23m", "comment_id": "dj8ff0b"}, {"question": "Help me [25F] make my boyfriend [25M] realize the importance of apologies and forgiveness", "description": "Hey, Reddit. I don't know where else to turn. I don't have many close friends and most of my friends online are friends of my boyfriend too so I don't want to ask them for advice. I don't want them to think badly of him.\n\nWe're both 25 and met online through a game. He never had a relationship before, I had several. We've known each other for a couple of years but only really close since the start of this year. We met for the first time in august. We're currently in a long distance relationship (1 hour with plane apart) and spend most of the time apart playing games together. I love him so much because he is such a good person, when things are good. He is my best friend. However when we fight, he's starting to show me some really clear signs of emotional abuse and it scares me. I want some advice from someone, I need help to make him realize he has a huge part in our fights.\n\nPretty much all of the time when we fight it's because of some small, pointless thing that got blown out of proportion and grows bigger because he decides to stay angry at me, refusing to see his part in the fight. I will take yesterdays fight as an example since it's almost always the same story: We played games and I got a bit irritated/naggy at myself for performing bad (I understand this isn't fun to listen to, but it doesn't happen often and just few minutes later we were enjoying our time together again, or so I thought). He gave me a lot of shit for this \"bad behavior\" but we had fun after so I thought we were past it. Before bed time we talked and he sounded a bit off so after we hung up I asked if we were okay. He basically tells me I made his night awful and that he has way more fun with his other friends in the game than me (just because of me getting irritated at myself for few minutes, but he will forgive any of his other online friends if they have a bad day and not even mention it).\n\nI didn't understand why he couldn't just let it go, since we had a fun time after and were sweet to each other. He just had to keep exaggerating and making it a bigger deal than it was. We continued to chat for hours, I begged him several times if we can say sorry to each other (not because we necessarily think we're wrong but because we hurt each other), or if we can just agree to disagree, anything. But he stays angry over this tiny thing. I ask if he can forgive me for being grumpy for few minutes about the game earlier in the evening and he says \"I won't forgive you but I won't stay mad\". This is were I get vibes from emotional abuse. I asked him why it bothers him if I \"talk bad\" about my gaming performance and he says he \"hates signs of weakness\". He says he can't forgive people downtalking themselves (something I never do in real life, I'm very confident about my person). He starts writing \"If you ever do something like this in front of my family...\" and threaten me for what he knows is no purpose at all. I kept trying to have us stop fighting, I sent a picture of me where you happened to be able to see I had been crying, writing \"Wish you were in bed with me so I could hug you and make this go away\". Then he just replies \"WTF is this, what am I dating?\", calls me an over emotional drama queen and reminds me how much more fun he has in this game with others than me. To wrap it up, says \"I'm not a nice guy, I never claimed to be\". But he still also seems to truly believe everything is my fault. I feel so belittled, shut down and hopeless.\n\nIf we argue on the phone, he hangs up on me. He shuts me down and silences me every time I'm in a mood that doesn't please him. He tries to suppress me by bringing up things from the past, threatening me about things and calls me delusional if I try to point out what he's doing to me. Please help me, I ran out of words for what to say to him to try make him understand.  I tell him I'm not perfect and I can never be, and that we will have arguments and disagreements, it's normal. Just like I don't expect him to be super energetic and happy every day either. But he claims he doesn't ask for perfection. It's starting to feel like whatever I do it's the wrong thing.\n\nWe have the best time when we don't argue, we both agree on this. I don't want this relationship to end because of his stupid stubbornness and unability to see his mistakes. I want him to understand it's fine to argue in a relationship sometimes, but it's so important to know how to say sorry (something he doesn't do often) and forgive each other so things don't get blown out of proportion... Or just let me know, am I an emotional, delusional drama queen for getting upset about these things?", "answer": "If you want to actually teach him that his bad behavior undermines your relationship, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations.  More importantly, if you want to be happy in life, you can't make yourself available for abusive conversations. Particularly not all-night bitch-fests about things that are beyond present remedy. \n\nIf he thought you were ruining his evening, he could have said something hours ago, if you think his complaints are toxic, you should protect yourself from them in real time, not hours later.  \n\nYou are both making critical errors, but you're only one with the insight to see that the whole dynamic is fucking gross.  \n\nDisengage. Hang up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "709aly", "comment_id": "dn1ek2x"}, {"question": "ADHD and password resetting", "description": "Don't get me started, how do normal people even remember 50 different passwords? \n\nOr does everyone use \"Macaroni79\" for everything they use? LOL", "answer": "The worst is when you can't remember your password, try multiple times, click forgot password, put a new one in then it says \"you can't use the same password as what is already set.\" FUCKING WHAT!?!?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jgezaa", "comment_id": "g9qxy1v"}, {"question": "How should I reply my cheater husband's absurd text?", "description": "My husband who left me for a colleague he knew for 3 weeks; who emptied our joint bank account and cancelled my credit cards a few days before the rent's due date just texted me asking \"is everything okay?\". Now I need the creative minds of reddit help me to give him the response of his life. Can you help me find the humor in this absurd situation? :)", "answer": "i would say  \"yes, i just won the lottery and am moving to ST Bart's. Have a great life.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omge1", "comment_id": "dckho0t"}, {"question": "Got a boner in therapy", "description": "Near the end of the therapy session, I was told that I was making progress which made me feel very happy and got a boner because of it.  I was really embarrassed and tried to hide it the best I could but I'm pretty sure it was obvious. The thing is I get boners all the time (even though I'm in my early 20s) so I thought that I was attracted to her (along with almost every girl who has given me attention).  \nAfter some thought I'm pretty sure I was attracted to the feeling of being acknowledged by a woman although I'm not sure if I wouldn't have gotten an erection if it had been from a man either.  \nI'm planning to bring it up in my next therapy session.    \n\nShould I tell her to refer me to another therapist? ", "answer": "Coming from a therapist's perspective, she didn't care, even if it was obvious. \n\nThat said, if you feel you should bring it up, do so. It's important to discuss any possible barriers to an optimal therapy experience. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43ir0w", "comment_id": "czil0yl"}, {"question": "I'm obsessed with the karma points.", "description": "Is anyone else feeling like this? It makes me feel important... idk", "answer": "Yes. It's self validating. I feel special", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8n3u1q", "comment_id": "dzsmxlj"}, {"question": "Diagnosis ?", "description": "Soooo if you feel you have a mental issue or mental block and it is affecting your life and relationships - but you're not quite sure what it is, or exactly how to describe it- where exactly do you go for a diagnosis?\nI'm not sure if it's depression, or anxiety or what. And I'm afraid of medication. I know how it can affect your life insurance, health insurance, long term disability etc. \n", "answer": "Honestly diagnosis is nowhere near as important as the actual symptoms you are experiencing and figuring out a way to handle them.  If you see a therapist you can always request that they don't disclose your diagnosis to you.  That way you wouldn't have to lie on life insurance forms.  Therapy with a counselor is generally the best bet.  Are you in the U.S.?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6r7f4t", "comment_id": "dl30onl"}, {"question": "I've [25m] been talking to [25f] about being together for a while...need advice!", "description": "So we've been friends for a little over 5 years now. When I first started talking to her, she had a boyfriend.  They broke up a while later and I had a girlfriend. Bad timing,  whatever. \n\nFast forward to mid last year. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, then told the girl in question that I still have feelings for her. One drunken get together later, we make out. Dumb me thought it meant something (because she had a boyfriend at the time) and she would leave him. She told me she has had feelings for me, but she is happy where she is. \nOk. I pine over it a couple months and move on,  staying as friends.\n\nA few months ago, she got dumped after a few years off and on. I wait until she wants to talk and hangout, not trying to rush anything. We would hangout a few times a week and eventually got to the point where we were practically dating; sleeping together, hand holding, kissing,  what have you. \n\nAfter about a week of that, she says she's rushing into something she's not ready for. I get it and give her space. \nUp until last week, we have been talking every day, and see each other when our work schedules allow. (As friends)\nI got upset and told her again how I feel and how she shouldn't be stuck on her ex. So now she thinks we shouldn't talk for a while. \n\nHer best friend, also my friend says she should take a chance and work it out and tells me I just need to ignore her for a good while. While I miss talking to her and hanging out. What should I do?  She says she doesn't know when she'll be ready to be in another relationship. \nIt's been an interesting few months to say the least.\n\nSorry for long first post, but thanks for reading reddit!", "answer": "when someone needs space you have no choice.   stay in touch, but keep moving on with your life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptgrn", "comment_id": "dctpj6h"}, {"question": "I think I'm afraid of people, even strangers. Even when I'm just taking a walk, and i see a stranger walking, I just become very nervous and all....", "description": "So basically, anytime I am doing something, say walking outside, and i see people nearby, I usually turn around and walk somewhere else. Or if i see someone I haven't seen in a while, sometimes I pretend to not notice him until I am a good distance away.  \n  \nBasically, I just realized this that I might be afraid of people. I recently moved to the United States, and I must say that people here are very nice and smiling, even strangers on the street just say hi, Maybe I'm not used to it, but my stomach starts cramping, and I start sweating a lot.  \nHow should I overcome this. I go to the university here. Im a sophomore (I don't live on campus), I don't have any friends, I just can't talk to people. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!", "answer": "Sounds like you might have social anxiety :) Have you thought about seeing a therapist? If you are a student, you probably have free counseling available to you through your school's counseling center. I recommend you schedule an appointment and see if they can help!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4fwbob", "comment_id": "d2csos3"}, {"question": "Neighbor pounding on our walls because our two year old.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "What about like foam mats? They have them for kids. I used to be a nanny and the people I worked for like covered their house with these like interlocking puzzle piece foam mats? Just an idea?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "73cmbc", "comment_id": "dnpxpa2"}, {"question": "Are good relationships suppose to be this hard?", "description": "Granted we are both kinda old. 39(F) 38(M) and both divorced with four kids total. So we kinda have lotsa baggage. We have been dating 1.5 yrs and it's just been one communication issue after another and some personality clashes, and plus our emotional baggages, it's just so hard. I don't even know if we are on the same page sometimes. Only thing that is working in our favor is we are still fighting for it to work. We don't sweep things under the carpet and we try to talk and deal with it as it comes. But it's exhausting too. I do feel we are communicating better and things are improving slowly but so many more things to iron out still. I have only been in one 18yr long relationship before this and the dynamic was completely different so I have no idea if this is normal or good or not. Need advice! ", "answer": "everything great is hard work. if you hit a serious snag get prof. help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61ecxt", "comment_id": "dfe0fh5"}, {"question": "I thought I was improving", "description": "I started CBD about a year ago and am now on a 63 day Headspace streak. But this weekend has been the toughest in several months. Any advice on overcoming what seem to be a plateau? I know what set it off. Something small but a constant source of angst for me.", "answer": "I think you gotta examine that trigger, however small.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "dxs4dp", "comment_id": "f7wrksf"}, {"question": "Want to sleep with people other than SO, what do I do?", "description": "The title is a pretty broad statement, and I will lay down background before anyone makes assumptions or general inferences that could be incorrect. \n\nI've been in my [22m] current relationship with my SO [20f] for over 2 1/2 years now, we have lived together for about a year and a half of that time. Before we lived together, we were LD for a year, besides when she lived here (separate from myself) for a summer. We have a very healthy relationship, we get along great, and many other people say we a great together. \n\nWe don't ever really get into fights about anything, we're both pretty easy going-with-the-flow type. We have sex regularly, go on dates, do pretty much everything outside of work together. We also each have \"alone time\" which for me is usually Saturdays (she works) and weeknights after I get off work before she gets home. It varies from a couple hours to 3-4 hours depending on her shifts. Her time being her days off during the week while I'm working, and in the morning before her shifts that start later.\n\nOverall we have a really great relationship and aside from small bickering, we get along pretty perfectly. So why the title then OP? Here goes.\n\nIn the last few months, I've found myself thinking about other women outside of my relationship. The thoughts are mostly sexual, me just wondering what it would be like to have sex with different women, sometimes random people, or sometimes women I know, or fantasizing about a girl in a nsfw picture, etc. I respect myself and my SO far too much to act on these desires. Even if I did want to, I'm terrible at socializing, specifically with the opposite gender. \n\nIs this a normal desire for someone my age? I also just started going to the gym more religiously in the last couple months, maybe this is because of a spike in testosterone? I've sort of always wanted to experiment with different types of girls and have always had a high sex drive. Also, I have only had sex with my current LTR, and my LTR in high school. I don't know what I should do, as sometimes the desires are stronger than others, but I would not cheat. Should I maybe see if she has had the same desires and talk about an open relationship? It would be very awkward to bring up as she would think something is up. \n\nTL;DR\nFor the last couple months I've been having sexual desires outside of my healthy LTR. Should I talk about my desires with SO, or just push them to the side?\n\nAny advice is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "do not tell him; it will create huge insecurity. YOU have to decide about the kind of rel. you want. committed mono ltr, poly, or single", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0v1z", "comment_id": "ddbqpr3"}, {"question": "I am moving to the city for the first time and I'm worried", "description": "I am moving to a big city in the near future. I have lived in a rural town all of my life, so there weren't a lot of people and it wasn't cramped. I have been in the city for a couple of weeks to visit and look for apartments and I don't like how I'm feeling. I have issues with personal space, probably from being physically and emotionally abused as a child, and being in stores next to people makes my blood boil and I want to scream and go away, even though they don't deserve it. It is suffocating and makes me want to rip my skin off. I view everyone as a threat. In my hometown, I would only go out shopping when I knew there weren't a lot of people around to combat this.\n\nI don't know how to change this. How can I live in a city like this? I need to move to a city for the sake of better jobs and education. Anyone else feel this way?\n", "answer": "One of it is probably your personal temperment listen to your body. We\u2019re all different and tolerate different levels of arousal. \n\nThat being said therapy can help you lower your stress response significantly within your natural range. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "98du30", "comment_id": "e4fbruj"}, {"question": "[Help]23/m I don't know what to do.", "description": "im not good at putting thoughts into words and i tend to ramble so \n\nI'm not happy. I want to be happy. I want to stop crying. I want to believe when people say nice things to me...\n\nI have a loving family, great parents, great brother who's been like a second father to me. Great friends who only want to see happy and they jump through hoops just to help me. I got an okay job, great and nice employees, wonderful boss. I have so much good in my life so why do I lie in bed and cry? Why do I see myself as shit then I have so many people telling me otherwise. Why do I never feel like I can be myself around people? I don't understand this or this disease. I've felt it for years yet I've been fighting myself and telling myself, \"You're not depressed. You don't need pills to make you happy. You can beat this!\" but I can't. I feel so defeated and every year it gets worse and worse.\n\nI play video games to escape this, and it helps sometimes. I'm very competitive so I usually playing Overwatch or Tekken ranked. Competition helps keep me grounded I guess. Helps me forget. Sometimes I get angry but nothing over the top.\n \nThis week was shit. I've been stuck inside this darkness that I can't seem to leave. Every moment I'm alone with my thoughts is a moment my own my begins to suffocate my own emotions. I think about how shitty of a person I am, how I don't deserve anything good I have and that ultimately I'm worthless. Why do I do this to myself? Even writing this I'm fighting back tears. I just want to be happy. This week I finally just have to admit that I am depressed. I'm just like my mother who fought so hard to make sure I didn't become like she was. Depressed and wanting to just \"go away\". She's still fighting. For me and the rest of her family but, I'm not sure I can.", "answer": "> \"You're not depressed. You don't need pills to make you happy. You can beat this!\" \n\nYou have a medical problem called depression. You need some form of medical help from a  professional to get healthy. You have the power to overcome this, but not alone.\n\nAnd most importantly, you deserve to be healthy and happy... not because of your family or friends or situation. But because you are a human with some wonderful qualities that can't properly shine because you are suffering from a physical, real disease. \n\nPlease reach out to a doctor, therapist, or counselor. Do NOT think \"Well my depression isn't bad enough.\" If it's bothering you at all, it is worthy of treatment just like any disease. You. Deserve. To. Be. Healthy. Hell, even healthy people can benefit a lot from talking to a counselor or mentor. Think of it as a check-up for your brain. \n\nTalk to your doctor. Google therapists in your area. Talk to your boss or your family about it, maybe they can sit down with you while you do it. It sounds like you have a wonderful support network, so I know they'll be willing and ready to help. ", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "75v3ux", "comment_id": "don8wxh"}, {"question": "[20M] Should I have a bigger conversation with my girlfriend [19F] about our feelings?", "description": "I started dating this girl from college 4 months ago. I've never had a girlfriend before and she has no experience either. She's the sweetest, most incredible person, and I obviously like her a lot.\n\nThe thing is, she feels stronger than me. I know this because she said she's in love with me like 2 months ago. She fell very hard. I like her, as I said, but I just don't feel love. I don't even know what that feels like, because I'm so young and inexperienced, I don't even know how she does either. But I know I'd want to say it if I felt it.\n\nI've been completely honest in telling her where I stand and that I don't love her back. She says she's fine with that and still wants to be with me.\n\nWe both say that we are just taking our relationship day by day, in the moment, which is reassuring to me, but honestly I sometimes question if she means that. She talks about how she is so blessed I came into her life, she thinks there's a reason for it, etc. She's framed pictures of us in her room and it honestly seems like she's fantasizing a lot and acts as if I'm in love with her too, even though she knows I'm not.\n\nObviously there's no guarantee I will fall in love with her ever, it's just the truth, I don't even know how ready I am to be in love at this age in my first relationship. I'm enjoying it now and comfortable taking it day by day and seeing where things go. But I worry about the future sometimes, I don't want to hurt her, but I feel uneasy about the potential direction things could go in. Should I have another talk just to be extra clear and honest with where I stand?\n\n---\n\n**tl;dr**: Only been dating girlfriend for 4 months, she's openly in love with me. I've been honest telling her I am not in love with her back and she says she doesn't care right now. I feel like she pretends everything's still so perfect despite her clear stronger feelings. I like her a lot and want to be with her now, but I don't want to hurt her in the long run even though I've been honest. Should I talk to her about this again to be extra clear and honest?", "answer": "yes.always", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tu55v", "comment_id": "dlnhz6x"}, {"question": "Good Do to list app for ADHD", "description": "I have tried Habitica, but it doesn't alert me to my do tos and it won't reset at night (so all my checked off items are still checked off. I prefer an app that is interactive like an ROG where you level up and get stuff.", "answer": "There is an app call \"DUE\" that is pretty cool. It provides a simple to do item but unlike other apps the alarm will ping once a minute until you either snooze or complete the task. Helpful if you often miss reminders initially. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6o0uw4", "comment_id": "dke593y"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask to be prescribed Xanax for stress and anxiety?", "description": "I (25M)haven\u2019t been to the doctors in a long time and I was thinking of going because lately my stress levels have been high because of work and school.\n\nI was wondering how I should talk about my situation with my doctor without him thinking I\u2019m some sort of druggie (I feel like many doctors don\u2019t believe young people anymore cause so many abuse drugs)\n\nI have taken a friends Xanax before and it seemed to calm me down and it finally made me in a relaxed mood. After this i figured I\u2019d talk with a doctor because it actually made me feel normal for once.\n\nI\u2019ve been stressed out for years but like I said above, it\u2019s starting to get worse now that I\u2019m starting college and working my full time job again.\n\nSo would it be a red flag for doctors is I ask about specific drugs or should they prescribe me other things first?", "answer": "Xanax is helpful in the short term, but it is a poor choice for long term management of anxiety and honestly wouldn\u2019t be my first, second, or third choice for even rare, sporadic, short-term management.\n\nTalk to a doctor with an open mind.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7pb0", "comment_id": "eywk7d6"}, {"question": "I'm worried my female friends will scare away my new guy?", "description": "I recently started seeing a guy I met in one of my college academic clubs. We have EVERYTHING in common from music to our dream career. He asked me on a date, it went amazing, and he wanted a second date. I said instead we should go to a local open mic downtown because we both love live music. He agreed, and plans to meet my friends and I down there (I was going there tomorrow with my friends anyways, I just included him in the plans).\n\nWell, the two friends I invited ended up inviting a bunch of other friends, and I quickly realized he might get scared off. I am the exact opposite of all my friends. They are really in to hooking up, they dress way more provocatively, and are HUGE flirts. When they go out they can't drink casually, they need to do 10 shots and go home sloppy drunk and crying.\n\nI'm worried he will get scared off. I know two of the girls just got dumped a few days ago and specifically told me they couldn't wait to get hammered and talk to me about it.\n\nThe thing is... I do NOT want to miss this open mic, I've been excited about it for a few weeks and was going without him anyways. My solution is to go with the guy and see my friends down there, but sit alone with him. During the show they won't be able to walk around, so I'll be alone with him.\n\nHowever, part of me wonders if the two of us should just go somewhere different and I come up with a lie to get out of going with my friends.\n\nShould I bite the bullet and introduce him to my friends who DEFINITELY will be drunk, definitely will be handing out their numbers to guys, and most likely will hit on him or cry? Or should I go alone with him, or do something else?\n\n**tl;dr:** I like this new guy and he plans to meet my friends and I down at an open mic tomorrow, but my friends like getting sloppy drunk and might scare him off since I am the opposite. Should I still take him, or find another last minute idea and ditch my friends?", "answer": "I have never heard of a can't miss open mic night. Is someone you care about performing?  Meet up with guy. Go for that one performance. Say hi to your friends. Bail. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dm78r", "comment_id": "di41ag1"}, {"question": "Bored, Life is Missing Something, But Only Half The Time", "description": "Alright, so its the weirdest thing. When I go to school, everything is fine. I have plenty of friends, a sweet girl, hobbies, great grades. I am always bustling with energy and something to do. However, as soon as I get home everything fades away. The world becomes colorless. I can't determine why this is happening. I take a lot of psychology classes, I understand how the brain functions, and I keep it full of new things all the time. I just learned a new coding language, how to make a hydrolic system, and created many designs for things I want to make. But alas, everything is still a colorless, static, and boring life. Something is awry, as if a terrible thing has happened; but everywhere I check I'm am returned with nothing but great news. If anyone has any ideas as to what could be causing this, or how to determine a source of this lifelessness please do tell. \n\nThank You", "answer": "Have you ever been evaluated by psychologist/psychiatrist?  You could be experiencing low level depression or undiagnosed ADHD (which might explain the energy, happiness, and ability to focus when given a lot of external stimulation but depression when all those things aren't there at once).  There's really no way to tell for sure unless you can get an official evaluation.  \n\nOther than that, it may help to find ways to make your home life more exciting with engaging activities that require work to get better at and increased in-person social activities.  \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xp02f", "comment_id": "duap3zn"}, {"question": "Does modern therapy look to uncover the 'subconscious' mind?", "description": "I believe there's theories of psychology that talk about how we're all driven by underlying subconscious drives and motives.\n\nHow much of modern day therapy is influenced by those theories? I know therapists ask clients a lot of self introspective questions(How do you think/feel about X, why do you think you think/feel Y, etc)", "answer": "This depends largely on a therapist 's theoretical orientation.  You probably won't do much of this work with a CBT therapist,  for example , but might with a psychodynamic therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2a2ai", "comment_id": "fnl1j3h"}, {"question": "Sensory issues", "description": "As I always say, it's unsure I have Asperger's Syndrome.\n\nNow, my problem. As my anxiety rises I experience really sensory problems. I sense really too much. Everything can bug me until I do a panic attack. Even when I'm not that I experience sensory overloads and it is really problematic. Also, rare are those who believe me since they do not experience such overloads and I have problem communicating how much I suffer from it. \n\nAnyways, do you have tricks to deal with those? I already have earplugs but it's not working enough and it makes my ears ache. Also, how can I tell it to others well?", "answer": "This is interesting because it relates to research on introversion.  If you think of Asperger's as extreme introversion, it makes sense.  Here is why:\n\nIntroverts tend to show greater neurological reaction to all kinds of stimulus.  Extroverts have lesser reactions.  So, to achieve optimal arousal (in a psychological sense) introverts need a calmer environment and extroverts need a more active environment.\n\nA quiet library might be heaven for an introvert and suffocating for an extrovert.  The opposite would be true at a dance club.\n\nIt as an actual, physical, neurological difference between introverts and extroverts.\n\nI don't know exactly what my point is, except that you shouldn't feel like your reaction to over-stimulation is unnatural.  It is absolutely natural.  You can't help it.  Maybe you can explain this to your extrovert friends.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1escu4", "comment_id": "ca3icdc"}, {"question": "Worried doctor won't believe me", "description": "So yesterday I went to a doctor at a walk in clinic. I told them I was having depression and anxiety and that it was pretty bad. They told me I needed blood work done and an ecg, they prescribed me sleeping pills instead of antidepressants. Is this normal? I had a friend who went and the doctor gave him antidepressants that same day and they didn't need a ecg. \n\nI just want to know if this is normal or if maybe they do not believe me or misdiagnosed me. \n\nThanks.\n\n", "answer": "It differs from doctor to doctor.  If you're experiencing depression and anxiety, especially if it's onset is fairly recent and it's severe, most good doctors want to try to rule out medical issues first.  There are so many medical issues that can contribute to depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc. that no anti-depressant or therapy is going to solve and may cause more serious health problems if left untreated ie. thyroid issues, untreated diabetes, severe vitamin/mineral deficiencies, etc.\n\nWhile most patients would prefer to have the doctor that just writes them a script, I think taking these steps are probably in your best interest.  Lastly, if you're experiencing depression/anxiety and medical issues have been ruled out,  you'll most likely benefit much more from therapy or therapy w/psych meds than you would from psych meds alone.     ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0kl0", "comment_id": "e8d51qk"}, {"question": "Does anyone here has trouble with concentration while reading?", "description": "It seems like I just can't stay focused properly. Sometimes, I have this thing that I need to read the same line 5 times, not necessarily because I wasn't paying inuff attention, but because it's a kind of compulsion.\nThey say it's all a matter of practice. But i've already tried a lot and nothing seem to improve my situation. It still feels painfull to read.\n\nDoes autism can affect reading in that sense?", "answer": "Yes, because I also have ADHD. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "9eifd8", "comment_id": "e5q0vgy"}, {"question": "i just wanna htave a fun post for once.", "description": "hold up, hold up, woah  \nlets stop drowning in rants and depression real quick  \nyou see this shit? not very fun. and i understand why  \ni know why this is filled with depressing rants and stuff  \nbut i want a fun post to cheer people up a bit, is that a bit much to ask some?  \nto want to hit me up with some of that good stuff?  \nso. how do ya do, what has been going on, anything good? any news about games, or work, or achievements or friends, anything at all?", "answer": "Looks like I found a spot to host my Therapeutic RPG Group for Teens in the city by me!  When I first \"started the practice\", in full ADHD mode, I found a spot in the burbs near where I live, built a website, and blitz advertised all around the area.  \n\n\nAfter a couple months went by, I couldn't even get enough clients to start the first group.  I had more D&D playing adults saying they wanted to work for me than I had parents signing their kids up.  \n\n\nI lost motivation, got discouraged, and in my typical ADHD fashion, got distracted with other projects.  I recently caught myself, forced myself to throw myself back into this thinking if I moved it into the city rather than the burbs, I'd have a better chance of it taking off!  \n\n\nLo and behold, not only am I on the cusp of getting a spot in the city in my old neighborhood, but one where I may not even have to pay any rent to run my practice out of!  \n\nBig lesson I learned from this, if I want something bad enough, don't let minor or even major setbacks kill my interest.  My impulses will tell me to move on to the next interesting thing, but if I keep going back and trying to make something work, it will.\n\nThanks for giving me a place to brag/celebrate!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bs200m", "comment_id": "eoj4kbz"}, {"question": "I've got a small dick. ", "description": "I've been trying to be more confident about it, but it's to the point where I've been subconsciously avoiding flirting with girls. I don't know why, because that really shouldn't be doing it because of that but damn. ", "answer": "Confidence is sexy, not dick size.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "11d1fi", "comment_id": "c6ldm50"}, {"question": "Hydroxyzine for anxiety, how much?", "description": "25 Male 250lbs 5' 10\" Caucasian \n\nOther medications are Prozac 40 mg/day\n\nI was prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety. The goal is to just take the edge off to actually relax and not feel like I'm on edge all the time. Doctor gave me 50mg tabs to get more bang for the buck on insurance. \n\nDo the effect of hydroxyzine amplify with taking more?\nHow much is a dangerous amount? I've taken 300 mg and not felt much\nIs it worth asking the doctor for something else or just upping the dosage until the desired effect is achieved?\n\nThanks for any help and feedback!", "answer": "Ultimately its a sedating antihistamine. In the UK its only licenced for itch. 100mg is the maximum recommended dose. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8aes2t", "comment_id": "dwzhq6y"}, {"question": "Was he [22/m] just using me [22/f]?", "description": ".", "answer": "Toxic relationship. Move on. Focus on yourself for awhile, heal from the shit relationships you've had and find happiness outside of other people. When the time is right you'll find someone else who you can connect with emotionally, intellectually and sexually when you're ready. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2s8wgq", "comment_id": "cnnebqo"}, {"question": "I\u2019m afraid that I don\u2019t have ADHD", "description": "If I don\u2019t have this disorder, then I\u2019m afraid I am just mentally deficient in some way I\u2019ll never really know and I will never actually feel that my struggles are valid. \n\nMy chronically depression addled brain and low self esteem leads me to believe I\u2019m just plain dumb. I never did very well in school. Barely graduated high school and had pretty consistently low grades up until college, when I managed something like a 3.6 gpa (majored in illustration, so just generals and art classes.) \nI continue to struggle just being able to focus and process/retain information. I feel mentally slow a lot of the time.\n\nI have been \u201ctested\u201d using that simple short questionnaire. It was suspected that I \u201cmay\u201d have ADHD inattentive type. I was on strattera years ago. I believe I was prescribed this after having this urine test done that showed what brain..chemicals I was deficient in? It might have been dopamine? I\u2019m not even sure. I don\u2019t even remember why I went off it or how well it worked. I\u2019m guessing not that well if I decided to go off it. My long term memory is kind of terrible. \n\nAnyway, I have been prescribed Ritalin XR (and adderall XR, both for short periods. I gave up on both because I didn\u2019t feel any noticeable change, except for some depressive episodes that seemed worse than usual. But then, I haven\u2019t been on any adhd meds for a few weeks and had another episode (it\u2019s always after work that I really crash) so...I just don\u2019t know. Looking into it, I have a lot of the symptoms but not all so it makes me think maybe I don\u2019t quite fit the diagnosis?\n\nI don\u2019t know if there\u2019s some ADHD specialist I need to see before I\u2019m convinced that I even have this or not but I\u2019m in a low place right now and just wanted to get this off my chest. Kind of hoping I could get some feedback, too. ", "answer": "DBT could be a good fit. Given that it is very skills-based, some with ADHD find that it can work well for them since you can \u201ctrain\u201d yourself to use the skills and remember them better since many are remembered by mnemonic device. \n\nEdit: spelled mnemonic wrong \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aa23pp", "comment_id": "ecoievm"}, {"question": "Warning about 7 cups. They may do more harm than good. Send people to crisis text line instead.", "description": "Survivor of sexual assault here. 7 cups is a shady organization that I would NOT recommend. After I disclosed my trauma, the volunteer who matched with me talked about what sex he likes and asked me about my porn preferences. He seemed to honestly believe that he's helping. \n\nI was in full blown trauma, and this asshat uses that as an invitation for a graphic sexual conversation, and pretends that that will cure me. \n\nI tried to report him, but no there was no such function in the app. I tried to post about it in their subreddit, but it said I'm not allowed to post there. \n\nThey are closed off to feedback from people who have been harmed by trusting their service.\n\nThey are trying to extract money by up-selling people to talk to real therapists. So it's in their interest to be shitty when you're not paying. \n\nCrisis text line, on the other hand, background checks their volunteers and puts them through 30 hours of mandatory training before they are allowed to talk to anyone. And it's a legitimate non-profit. I learned my lesson and will talk with someone at crisistextline in the future instead of a shady for-profit startup.", "answer": "7 cups not only sounds like a bad porno, but it also scares the crap out of me in terms of what its trying to achieve.\n\nI just cant see how it can clearly manage any acute mental health risk. The volunteers might as well be lay people, but people using the service have a higher likelihood to have complex interpersonal needs secondary to trauma.\n\nIf theres a lesson for all - and stating the obvious - stick to regulated services who can be accountable for its actions. In the UK it would be the NHS and some mental health charities, who provide various trauma-focussed care and treatment and support, with appropriately qualified individuals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "gt4bk3", "comment_id": "fsc50dt"}, {"question": "A Powerful Way to Diffuse Anger You Probably Haven't Tried", "description": "Gently place the tip of your index finger to the tip of your thumb on both hands with the other fingers gently outstretched.\n\nYou've probably seen people do this during meditation. This activates a calming, relaxing sensation to your body and mind. It actually works! Try it right now for 5 minutes.\n\nYou can do this whenever you want for as long as you want. Please leave feedback and let me know how this works for you :)", "answer": "Thank you. I think that is a good strategy alright. ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "94f4qp", "comment_id": "e3laal1"}, {"question": "Are the anticholinergic properties of clomipramine responsible for the reduction in ocd symptoms? (ex. forgetting you're contaminated)", "description": "I'm a 30 yo male. 155 lb. 5'6\". Non smoker. Currently taking clomipramine, risperidone, clonazepam and modafinil. These are prescribed for ocd (primarily) and major depressive disorder.", "answer": "Probably not. If it were just anticholinergic effects, less anticholinergic medications (e.g. many SSRIs) would not help. Also, as you probably are aware, taking clomipramine doesn't give you amnesia. You still remember what happened and are aware of your situation; you just hopefully feel differently about it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhbft1", "comment_id": "elrib1o"}, {"question": "Can you explain how accutane causes long-term damage even after it's discontinued? After stopping I developed MGD, IBS, brain fog, floaters; career ruined feel awful.", "description": "Hello docs,\n\nI took isotretinoin (I believe it was absorica) at age 18 in 2013, was reassured by doctor that it was quite safe and side effects are temporary, to notify him if serious/life-threatening issues arose. \n\nThe course of the medication:\n\nmo. 1: 40mg - dry lips + a little dry skin\n\nmo. 2: 40mg - dry lips + drier skin\n\nmo. 3: 50mg - dry lips + skin, joints aching, knees sore\n\nmo. 4: 40mg - knees still sore, eyes a bit try (used eye drops)\n\nMy doctor wasn't worried about the side effects at all, my blood results were all good and normal, but the side effects bothered me so I quit. 2 weeks after quitting joint aches went away, but my eyes became incredibly dry (couldn't look at a computer for longer than a few minutes without severe burning pain).\n\nEyes progressively got worse, then afterwards (a month or so), I developed IBS.\n\nAround the same time, my eyes developed awful floaters everywhere :( Nothing looks the same, it's awful. I also started noticing that I have a horrible memory and I struggle badly with brain fog.\n\nDue to memory loss + dry eyes, I had to change my career. I've been diagnosed with MGD (meibomian gland dysfunction), a permanent and progressive degenerative condition of the glands in the eyes. None of this runs in my familial history at all and I didn't have any of these issues before I stopped the drug.\n\nNow almost 6 years later I am still dealing with all this damage that only seems to be getting worse! Severely affecting my ability to have any kind of quality of life. I feel awful all the time with pain and this damage is just horrible.\n\nHere's some medical info:\n\nAge: 23\n\nG: Male, race: caucasian\n\nBlood pressure: 132/84, heart rate: 80\n\nAll blood tests are within normal ranges, tested for autoimmune markers, all normal. I've seen an ophthalmologist, a neurologist, psychiatrists, a GI doc, and my GP. When I went back to tell my original dermatologist that I developed IBS, eye issues, and brain fog AFTER accutane he said it was 'just a coincidence' and he didn't think it was related to the drug!\n\nYet after joining a facebook group and talking to other people (a couple have posted here asking about it) so many other patients have the same issue!\n\n***TL;DR:*** So, my question is, I have all these horrible life-ruining damaging effects that started after I stopped taking accutane, my dermatologist says they are unrelated but I was perfectly healthy before. What causes these post-accutane effects to start after you're not even taking the drug? Why are more doctors not taking this seriously and telling you that the side effects can happen not just during, but also after you stop it? \n\nThank you!", "answer": "This is a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. Because bad things happened after Accutane, you ascribe the bad things to Accutane. There's no way to run an experimental world in which your life is the same but you didn't take Accutane, so there's no way to prove that it was unrelated\u2014but millions of people take Accutane at an age when chronic illnesses can develop, and it's unsurprising that in some people they do, unrelated to Accutane.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e3ephv", "comment_id": "f92yzk4"}, {"question": "How would i know if i have low testosteron", "description": "How would i know if i have low testosteron  im worried i might have low testosteron\n\nwhat are the symptoms i shuld look for to indicate i might have it or not ? im kinda embarsed about asking about it to be honest but i am worried \n\nAge,32 Sex, M  Height, 172 cm Weight 98,5 kg , Race white ,", "answer": "Why are you worried that you have low testosterone if you don't know what the symptoms are? Hypogonadism is actually uncommon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cvbrmu", "comment_id": "ey3626w"}, {"question": "Some do's and don'ts?", "description": "Hi I'm just curious about people's opinions and some advice on the current relationship I'm in. I'm a 15 yr old boy and I'm currently dating a 13 yr old girl we both don't have a problem about our ages but I've been copping a bit from some of my friends. Myself I've been through a few relationships and all bin unsuccessful to some extent she has bin through a few relationships and some very bad experiences no one should be put through she tends to get really anxious a lot and doesn't wanna see me sometimes cause she doesn't want me too see her when she's super anxious sos I'm just curious if people's opinions and what to be careful of. ", "answer": "She's below the age of consent. She's 13 and is going to be anxious about a LOT of things. Give her plenty of space and don't be pushy about ANYTHING.Be a gentleman. Be a gentle, sweet friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yunp8", "comment_id": "dmqcepj"}, {"question": "Anyway to calm an extremely overactive ADHD brain?", "description": "It really makes it difficult to sleep. So many exciting thoughts floating through my mind.", "answer": "You might find a weighted blanket helpful and deep breathing before bed. Maybe listen to a guided meditation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "acoyf6", "comment_id": "ed9t68s"}]
\ No newline at end of file
+[{"question": "What can I do for you as my hotel guest?", "description": "Dear future guest! I work at a small hotel as a reception manager, and have other responsibilities as well. I really want to make our guests feel welcome and well cared for at our place. I really love my job and I honestly LOVE our guests! Of course I have had a lot of classes on customer service, and I think that me and my co-workers are good at the normal polite \"welcome\", \"thank you\"  type of customer service. But I want advice on how to \nexceed your expectations, on how give you give you a WOW experience, or how to give you warm and fuzzy feelings about a building! For example: What can I do with your hotel room prior to check in? What would you like to hear when you check in? What can I do for you at breakfast? I really just want to make you happy! Any advice?", "answer": "Maybe random, but if it's late, say after 10 or 11 pm and you're checking me in, please be friendly but *fast*. I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I just want to crash. \n\nThe only memorably \"bad\" experiences I've had at hotel reception (minus one place that said they were pet-friendly online but then magically were not and were assholes about it*) were when I was trying to check in later at night and the whole process seemed to take forever. I had to wait at the counter for awhile, then figuring out who I was and my reservation took forever, and then getting the key was somehow tough ... when you're tired its the worst 1st-world struggle.\n\n*On that note, keep your damn website updated.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4205vf", "comment_id": "cz6lmuk"}, {"question": "It is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "I am not an ass. I don't go around insulting people. I am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. I am not naturally charming, sometimes I say something that people laugh at.\n\nI am not shy.\n\nI am a mix of alpha and beta. Maybe I am just unlucky, maybe I just give off bad vibes.\n\nIt's so weird. *shrugs*\n", "answer": "How much do you like other people.   Generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "cfxd3mm"}, {"question": "I miss Calvin and Hobbes. A Lot.", "description": "I grew up with Bill Watterson's funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful comic. Re-reading the old stuff is great, but... I just miss it.  ", "answer": "Watch Steven Universe, or Adventure Time, both of which are funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful animations.  ", "topic": "sad", "post_id": "3p03f9", "comment_id": "cw2pz38"}, {"question": "Gabapentin questions", "description": "23\nMale\n6 feet \n150 pounds \nWhite\n1 year\nBrain, mind\nSocial anxiety, Generalized Anxiety \nGabapentin 300 mg 2x daily \n\nI take Gabapentin for my anxiety as my psychiatrist said it\u2019s very safe with less issues than other anxiety medications. I read an article online that says it prevents the formation of new brain synapses. Is this really true??\n", "answer": "There was one paper in Cell ([Eroglu et al. 2009](https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cell.2009.09.025), if you're interested) that found that gabapentin inhibits synapse formation\u2014one kind of synapse, driven by one particular neurotransmitter. That got turned into a fair amount of hysterical press by the people who get hysterical about drugs. And yet subsequently people have continued to take gabapentin without significant cognitive or neurodegenerative problems.\n\nBrains are complicated and there is a lot that we don't know, but it seems to me that another reasonable hypothesis is that aberrant or maladaptive synapses drive epilepsy, neuropathic pain, and possibly anxiety, and so reducing those synapses is what helps. There's not much to back that, especially for anxiety, but there's nothing to say that it's wrong.\n\nMy only objection is that the evidence for gabapentin in anxiety is there, but it's much more limited than with other medications such as SSRIs like fluoxetine (Prozac). There are reasons to pick gabapentin, maybe, but there should be reason not to use one of the other very safe and better-supported medications.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "az5r0n", "comment_id": "ei6tqap"}, {"question": "Really confused with the girl I like. NEED HELP PLEASE!", "description": "So, i've known this girl for some months now and she seemed interested in me (she hangs out with me after classes, talking for like 2 hours, standing, instead of going home) and generaly there is at least a slight romantic interest there, i feel it. We have gone out once, had a great time but in the end i didnt make a move. A couple of days ago i asked her out again, she said yes and we went on a music festival. We hung out for about 3 hours, talked about many things and had a great time in general. When the time came for us to separate, i knew i had to make a move, to go for a kiss. So, before she left and after some awkward silences there, she kissed me in the cheek but i got the feeling she was expecting me to make a move, so after the kiss on the cheek i said something like 'eeeeh' followed by a slightly awkward look , likei wanted to say something. She asked me ''what is it?''. I said \"Nothing\". She then responded \"Are you sure?\". And then, after a 2-second pause i kissed her for like 10 seconds and she didnt back off. Then, I stopped to see her reaction and what she said was \"I don't see it that way\". At first i thought that this was it, rejection, so i said ''its ok'' and ''lets forget this''. **However, she said \"no\" (like, lets not forget this) and then said \"I dont see it in a friendly way but i dont see it this way\".** She then told me she had a fantastic time with me, she gave me a hug, some strokes on my arm and then we parted ways.  What's that supposed to mean? Im so confused. If she wanted to reject me why would she tell me she doesnt see me in a friendly way? The bad thing is that I just wanted to leave after that, to think so i didnt ask her in which kind of way she sees that. What do you think i should do now? Im going to see her tomorrow afternoon, in our class. \nThanks in advance.\n\n**P.S.** All of my friends keep saying that what happened was good and that she is into me but i dont see it...", "answer": "\"When the time came for us to separate, I knew I had to make a move, so after standing there quietly for three minutes, I let her kiss me.\"\n\nThat's an anti-move.  You preemptively cancelled the mood, she barely got it back to zero.\n\nAsk her to go out somewhere. Get some food. Walk around someplace nice. Say her name, put your hand on her side, above her waist below her boob, kiss her. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6duwns", "comment_id": "di5ksge"}, {"question": "sane or paranoid?", "description": "if you were paranoid about something but later on you find out you were right all along. are sane? or paranoid? where is the dividing line?", "answer": "if you were right along, it's not paranoia, it's intuition.... unless of course you were VERY fortuitous", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z1wtt", "comment_id": "deunna3"}, {"question": "People hating on therapists", "description": "I\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. I\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist I used to go to. But since getting on Reddit I see a lot of negativity towards therapists.\nI get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but I feel like I see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub. \nIt\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. I genuinely want to help people because I know what it feels like and I hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity I see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "The internet is often an extremely toxic place, especially Reddit.  People are generally much more likely to take the time to complain about something or someone they don't like online opposed to taking the time to discuss something positive.  You're always going to have to deal with the negative folks as a therapist, but they're not the majority, they're just the loudest.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "ec1t15p"}, {"question": "I can't afford my horse, but I feel too attached to sell him", "description": "Hi all! Let me start by saying that I have two horses, my mare, Riley and my gelding, Gordon. I've had Riley for 3 years and couldn't possibly sell her. I bought Gordon a little over a year ago as a second horse for my boyfriend to ride. He does still technically belong to me, though. \n\nWhen I bought Gordon, I was working on a ranch in Wisconsin. It made sense at the time to have him, and I was able to afford him. However, I moved back to Illinois in May. It was ok for a while, even though boarding him at a local barn is pricier here. I pay $750 a month for the both of them. I worked at a very upscale steakhouse and was able to pay for it. It was a little stressful, and I didn't have a ton of disposable income, but my boyfriend and I made it work. We decided that we weren't spending enough time riding Gordon, and put him up for sale in June.\n\nI got a few inquiries but nothing ever came out of them. A few people came to look at the horse and test ride him, but then decided that they either couldn't afford him or found another horse that they liked better. Over the next few months, I started to spend more time riding him to prepare him to sell. I realized slowly that I was really liking him, almost as much as I like my main horse. I started to consider keeping him and taking him off the market for real...\n\nIn November, I lost my job. I had enough money left to pay for the board for December, and my parents gifted me some money for Christmas that went towards the January board. Now I'm all out of money and I haven't found a new job yet. I have received one email from someone who was interested in him, but I haven't been able to reply yet. The fact is that I cannot afford him anymore, but I love him. Does anyone have any advice on how to sell a pet that you love dearly?", "answer": "Lease him!  My friends little sister moved away and I leased her hours for like 300$ a month. Helped pay for bills.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "ajyenp", "comment_id": "ef11e7g"}, {"question": "how to start and actually meet with girls?", "description": "over time thing left to another and i became lonelier the ever before, and i have this ongoing need for people and love. \n\nbut obviously my social skills didnt get better with time. \n\n​\n\ni had few opportunities to meet with some girls i met from facebook/tinder etc. to the point where they asked too meet by themselves.  \n\na lot of the times girls wont respond back. those who do, rarely it goes over to the phone number and even more rarely they actually want to meet,\n\n​\n\nbut when they actually do, i dont have the courage and ambition i need to actually make it happen...\n\nso texting to women isnt that hard, maybe i past that barrier. but how do i actually suppose to make the first meeting happen from start to end?\n\n​\n\nyea im overthinking it. but when it comes to actually meeting, im getting anxious. ''what should i look like?'' ''what faces should i be doing?'' ''should ill try to be funny or is it overdoing it?'' etc... and then i think about that its a girl that i didnt meet yet and didnt even get to feel attracted to first, witch makes my motivation to do this scary thing really low and eventually it just ends there...\n\n​\n\nim 23y male, i had girlfriends and dates before but never from a dating site or without knowing the person first.\n\n​\n\nfor example, a girl i was talking with about few weeks ago from facebook who gave me her number and we went to whatsup, she asked me if i wanted to meet and i said that i do, we never did, we stop talking for few weeks and than she started massaging me again\n\n​\n\nanother girl i met from online site, were talking in watsup for few months and talking about meeting for a while but it keep not happening. somtimes because of her, but when shes finally up to meet im the one making problems...\n\n​\n\nobviously this attitude will do me more bad the good... \n\nand i keep trying telling myself that i should step up and face my fears, but this shit keeps happening again and again...\n\n​\n\ntheres also a chance me and the second girl i mentioned will meet today. we set the place but i didnt ask her about what time yet.\n\n​\n\nseriously, any tips are more the welcome. thank you", "answer": "Although I'm a bit older (32) so there's a bit of a generation gap, now happily married.  Before finding the love of my life and getting married, I didn't really have any trouble finding dates, hook ups, etc. despite being short and fairly average as far conventional attractiveness goes.  \n\n\nBiggest piece of advice I can give you is not to spend too much time texting before asking to hang out.  1 week max.  If they cancel a 2nd time, don't initiate any more contact until they do.  More likely than not, they're not interested or are only interested in something platonic.  If they are interested in more, they'll re-initiate contact and try to set something up.  \n\n\nDon't waste your time and energy on people who aren't meeting you half way, there's plenty of people out there who will, but you may lose the opportunity while focused on someone who isn't worth your time. \n\n\nDating, asking someone out, all of that is scary as hell for most people.  Courage is doing it even though it scares you.  It's a muscle you can build over time, you just have to work it out.  Go on some Tinder dates with no expectations, even with girls you're not head over heels attracted to and just try to have fun.  When you get to a point where you're not trying to impress the other person but are truly just being yourself having fun, that's exactly the way you should be acting.  It's also a lot less to have to think about in the moment.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6ikm3", "comment_id": "ejl10x5"}, {"question": "Is this a type of schizophrenia, or something else?", "description": "I'm not sure if this would count, I'm not sure if you have to have actual sensory hallucinations or if thoughts that bore themselves into your head and occasionally become so overwhelming you can't function count as \"voices\"... but here are the details as best as I can describe them.\n\nAt times, I will get absolutely swamped with negative thoughts about myself. They are generally of the same vein: \"I'm worthless,\" \"I'm a burden to others,\" \"Everything I do just hurts my loved ones,\" \"My continued existence brings tangible harm to everyone I care about,\" etc. These are usually accompanied by a flood of memories, generally every example of every moment in my life that I can remember where I ever felt embarrassment, shame, guilt, failure, and/or times when I did indeed inadvertantly do things that hurt or disappointed the people I care about. It can get so overwhelming that I can't function--I've had to pull over on the side of the road while driving on multiple occasions, or just collapsed on the floor. While these usually happen when a new example of this occurs (or shortly after) it can sometimes just happen when my mind wanders while taking a shower or trying to fall asleep. Usually anything that even slightly reminds me of an embarrassing memory has a risk of leaving me a gibbering wreck--and the longer I live, the more such memories I have, so the more things can do this. I'm struggling to fight it now just writing this and praying I can finish before it hits.\n\nWhat is this? Is this even a thing? Do other people go through this too?", "answer": "Agreed with bearpony.  As a professional therapist, I could never give you a diagnosis from just reading a post online and not working with you in person, but what you are describing does not sound in line with schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder.  Just as bearpony stated, it does however sound to be causing you significant distress and it would probably be in your best interest to give therapy a try.  Honestly, therapy rocks!  Not just saying that because I am one :-D\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "701ykf", "comment_id": "dmzy95d"}, {"question": "Relationship getting stale??", "description": "Any tips on keeping the relationship from getting stale? Been with my significant other for a year and I want to keep the spark going. We've moved in together and things have gotten a bit routine. ", "answer": "everything gets familiar. being in love means loving beyond the newness. life is routine. you just have to stay focused on each other. be interested. do  lots together. life isn't a honeymoon.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hg1tm", "comment_id": "diy1ff4"}, {"question": "PLEASE read my blood test results abnormal", "description": "Doctors hey!\n\n* Age: 18\n* Race: Caucaisan\n* Height: 195cm\n* Weight 92kg\n\n\nEssentially I have done a blood test simply because I have been having some concerns for some time.\n\nAll of these are out of the normal range:\n\n* TSH: 3,11 \u00b5IU/ml ( 0,92-3,10 \u00b5IU/ml)\n\n* Calcium in the serum: 2,52 mmol/l (2,15-2,50 mmol/l)\n\n* Prolactin: 384,2 mIU/L (86-324 mIU/L)\n\n\n\n\nDon't know whether I should mention that I had only 5-10 minutes of sleep that night and that was right before going to the blood test (when I'm suddenly woken up it could be considered partially stressful).\n\nAlso I noticed having problems with my vision (it could be considered a very very small loss of the peripheral vision, which is concerning me even more; it's not black or blurry, just looks a bit more narrow than before)\n\nRead on the internet but I wanted to ask here as well.\n\nAppreciate you taking time to read this and hope someone could reply.\n\n", "answer": "The results are pretty normal, but this is useless without the clinical history.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y73zh", "comment_id": "d6lki83"}, {"question": "\u2018You deserve better\u2019 is a cop out", "description": "If you really believed it then maybe you\u2019d try treating me better yourself. But what you really mean is that you might want me to be happy in some vague, half-hearted manner requiring no effort on your part. You hope I\u2019m happy, just not enough to be involved in making me so. And that\u2019s ok. You\u2019re allowed to feel that way. But for goodness sake just say so. \n\n\nYour life is not a rom-com. Stop trying to justify your actions with trite platitudes. There\u2019s only one thing I\u2019ve ever asked of you \u2013 honesty. It\u2019s just not as difficult as you seem to think. You know all those times that you\u2019ve told me \u2018I don\u2019t know how to talk about things\u2019 or \u2018I can\u2019t make the words come out\u2019 \u2013 it\u2019s crap. The reason you can\u2019t find the words is because you\u2019re too busy trying to make them up. Try not lying \u2013 the words will come much easier.\n\n\nTruthfully, my anger does nothing. You will not ever understand what it is I\u2019m angry about because it\u2019s too easy to dismiss it as heartbreak or \u2018girl drama\u2019. Let me be clear \u2013 IT IS NOT ABOUT THAT. It\u2019s that there is a right and a wrong way to go about things; and given the choice, you will always choose the wrong way. Stop trying to rationalise and justify your behaviour, because all you\u2019re managing to do is put the responsibility for your actions onto other people. You do what you do because YOU choose to \u2013 your failings are on you. You didn\u2019t break up with me because I\u2019m not spontaneous enough or because we hadn\u2019t been talking enough \u2013 those things can be talked about and worked on. You broke up with me because you saw a shiny new thing you wanted to play with. And I reiterate \u2013 that\u2019s fine! But don\u2019t make me have to question myself because you\u2019re too chicken to just say what needs saying. If you choose to do whatever suits you, with no thought for anyone else, then that\u2019s ok \u2013 but own your shit! Don\u2019t delete the photo of the two of you holding hands on facebook in the hopes that I won\u2019t see it. Don\u2019t sneak her out of the house (the house we\u2019re stuck sharing for the foreseeable future\u2026 you know, since you made the commitment of a lease with me.) in the middle of the night like she\u2019s just some dirty secret. Don\u2019t disrespect her in the vain hope of not disrespecting me. Want to know the only way left to show me respect? Just learn a bit of honesty, with yourself as much as anyone else. It all comes back to the same thing; either you are who you want to be, in which case good for you and don't bother apologising for it, or you're not, in which case it's on you to do something differently.\n\n\nI\u2019ll never say any of this to you because it's not a lesson anyone can make you learn. I just needed to say it somewhere. I regret nothing. It was a good few years and I get to leave with my dignity intact and my head held high, because I said what needed saying and did what needed doing. Can you really say the same?\n\n*Edit: Paragraphs\n**Edit:Turns out I don't know how to paragraph on reddit\n\n\n***Edit: Thank you to everyone who read this or commented. I wasn't expecting it and I appreciate all of you.\n\nTo the person who questioned whether honesty is really what I want, here is how I would have replied were your comment not deleted:\n\nI said honesty, not nastiness. I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I've met someone else and it's made me question our relationship- it's over' Having said that, I did ask for the truth and if 'I've met someone else who's better looking than you, better in bed than you and generally better than you' is his truth, I'd still want to hear it. At least that way I know exactly who he is and it's certainly not someone I'd be interested in.\n\nBut if you feel differently and would rather be 'let down gently' then that's fair enough. I hope if it ever happens to you then your partner knows you well enough and still has enough respect for you to choose your preference.", "answer": "It depends, I was told this before. I thought it was total bullshit at the time, but looking back on it I'm glad she said this. It made me look back to see how shitty of a person she was. My ex cheated on me and begged me to take her back. I did. Her mom loves me and thinks she made a horrible decision letting me go. This was over two years ago, and her mom still tells me how much she misses me. It's weird, but I've never looked back and have a hatred for cheaters. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "3rhz2j", "comment_id": "cwotnfp"}, {"question": "Suspecting Rhabdomyolysis - Severe neck & shoulder soreness (can barely sleep) for the past 24 hours", "description": "**UPDATE:** Thanks everyone for the advice, I got my CPK checked and it's 205 - no rhabdomyolysis!\n\nAge: 20\n\nSex: Male\n\nDuration of Complaint: 24 hours\n\nAbout 24 hours ago, I woke up from a 4 hour afternoon nap with severe shoulder & neck pain (might have slept wrong). The pain just kept growing worse for a few hours, then plateued, and it almost completely prevented me from sleeping. This soreness feels really, really bad. I drank very little water yesterday, before taking that nap.\n\nI just got back from my family doctor. I told him I have severe soreness, he moved my neck around, and he thinks it's just a muscle spasm of some sort. He gave me an oral NSAID along with an NSAID cream. He didn't mention it could be anything like rhabdomyolysis.\n\nToday I drank 3 liters of water in a 16 hour time span in case it is Rhabdo, and my urine was never brown. However, I still suspect it could be Rhabdo because I simply never had this extreme soreness before, and I went on today with 3 hours of sleep total.\n\nShould I go to urgent care now to get a Creatine Kinase lab reading?", "answer": "Rhabdo doesn\u2019t commonly happen out of nowhere, and soreness isn\u2019t a symptom without pretty severe muscle injury. What you describe sounds more like what your doctor thought: muscle or possibly nerve pain from some combination of strain and sleeping in a bad position. Yes, it can be very painful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7fqs", "comment_id": "eywkqwx"}, {"question": "Is This Lithium Toxicity?", "description": "22 y/o white female; 5'4\", 190ish lbs. Currently on 150mg bupropion HCL XL, 20 mg amphetamine salts XR, 1.5 mg clonazepam, and 600 mg lithium carbonate.\n\nDiagnosed with rapid cycling BPI w/ psychotic features, GAD, CD/FND, ADHD, and BPD. Have PCOS and related iron deficiency anemia, plaque psoriasis. \n\nI've been on lithium for about a week and a half. Not really any problems with it until now.\n\nI was start on 150 mg for two days, then 300 mg for five. Then up to 600 mg (300 mg x2 daily) this past Friday. This is day three of morning and evening dose.\n\n~1-2 hours ago, I suddenly started having stomach pain and got nauseous. My anxiety shot through the roof around that time; I can't identify the cause.\n\n~I've felt out of it and weird all day; my boyfriend has asked several times if I'm okay. \n\n~Dizzy... I think... My head just feels kind of airy.\n\n~I have tremors regardless, but lithium has made them worse. They're pretty pronounced right now. \n\nMedications have a history of hating me. My lamotrigine turned on me after two years and I developed a SJS-type rash.\n\nI want to work today, but I work in food, and just in general, working with lithium toxicity is a bad.", "answer": "Bit of a strange way to start lithium. Where are you based? What brand of lithium is it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wf0ap", "comment_id": "dma9mvf"}, {"question": "Girl problem", "description": "I was seeing this one girl over the summer and everything was going good and then one day she went back to her ex boyfriend. About a week and a half ago she messaged me saying that she missed me and that she really did like me. We talked one day and she said it was a huge mistake by leaving me and that she thought about me a lot. Then we started to see each other again and it was going great, we went to a party and she was hugging me and holding hands the whole time, I met her family again and at the ends of the night we were kissing. About last week wednesday she started to act weird and distant, when I would get close to her or touch her she would move away. Something happened to one of her fam members and she started to act even more distant. I haven't spoken to her since friday and she told me we were moving too fast and that she needs space. Does anyone know what this can mean?", "answer": "you have to respect people's wishes for space.  it's hard to know what's going on in anyone's head.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pxleg", "comment_id": "dculx17"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to get your therapist and their staff gifts?", "description": "I've been with my therapist for 6 years, after a suicide attempt, and a second one three years ago. She and her staff have been a breath of fresh air. I have BPD, and my symptoms are all but gone thanks to her.\n\nTwo months ago my therapist went on a sudden leave of absence. I was handed over to a different therapist, and found out my current one had a tumor in her pancreas. She's okay, it was removed, it's noncancerous. She came back on Monday, and I saw her. As I was in the waiting room, this woman came in, demanding that her appointment with my therapist was at 4:45. That was my appointment slot. The receptionist did everything she could to calm her, while having verbal abuse hurled at her to the point where she was near tears. I was brought in to therapy and the woman was brought into the back office to see someone and hopefully calm down. My therapist immediately APOLOGIZED to me for being gone for two months. She was sick! She had  tumor! But she was so apologetic, and so kind. Her phone rang, it was the front desk. The woman was screaming again, and the receptionist was begging for help. My therapist told her she could see her after me, but apparently that wasn't good enough. I told them I would go back out, she could have my slot and I would come in for the slot after. I went out and the receptionist was crying, apologizing to me like THEY screwed up. \n\nI realized just how much they go through, just how much they really work for their patients. Both the receptionist and my therapist did nothing but praise me (for not panicking or acting out) and apologize. I realized just how far I've come in handling stress and that feeling of being pushed aside of abandoned (two years ago I would have screamed before I volunteered to swap with someone). And...I want to do something kind for them. But I do not know if it's appropriate for a patient to get staff gifts. I was thinking home made cookies, or flowers. But is that breaking the line between a patient and a doctor (and staff) relationship? I absolutely do not want to be rude, or come across as \"too close\" by offering gifts, but they really deserve something nice for how far they've helped me come. I can hold down a job now, I can live on my own, I don't scream anymore, I'm not angry anymore. They deserve at least...something.", "answer": "When my patients give me something for my office I always enjoy that. Art they have done, a \u201cfidget\u201d toy, a plant, etcetera. I like remembering them when I look at it and thinking about the progress and growth they made.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa717l", "comment_id": "fiws63b"}, {"question": "Thoughts on CBD Oil for Anxiety", "description": "I am a 25 year old Caucasian female. Been struggling with anxiety for most of my life. Trying to introduce other options (aside from the 100 mg of zoloft I take daily) to help during the work day and get me to sleep through the night. Haven\u2019t had a full nights sleep in weeks! \n\nHow do you all feel about CBD oil for anxiety? ", "answer": "Good research is still essentially nonexistent, but preliminary evidence is modestly encouraging.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "acy8up", "comment_id": "edbxiwa"}, {"question": "I [M19] found a super amazing girl [F18] but she seems to be into my best friend [M18] but he doesn't realize that she's into him. Should I tell him or should I go for her?", "description": "I told my friend that I liked her and asked if he liked her and he said he liked her only as much as any other girl. I don't know whether to make a move or not and I feel like shit that she is giving all this attention to him.", "answer": "let her make a decision first about approaching your friend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg73a", "comment_id": "dbnpisc"}, {"question": "Is chiropractic legit?", "description": "I posted on their subreddit asking about a particular manual decompression technique I've seen on YouTube. I also mentioned that I would regularly allow my brother, who watches a lot of chiro videos, to perform these \"adjustments\" on me. Now my brother is not a chiropractor, but he could fool someone considering he has the experience from countless hours of video. Whenever we watch videos together he can accurately predict the exact diagnoses right down to the joints that are subluxated.  \n\nThe chiros on that subreddit got very defensive and made it sound so dangerous, which I don't understand considering I can pop my own joints whenever. It made me look into it some more and there is a lot of literature casting doubt on their profession. But I can't understand how it can be ineffective or a scam if so many people are propping this industry up. So I'm very confused but would still like occasional adjustments. Am I wasting my time going that route? I am a perfectly healthy male but it feels good.", "answer": "There is very limited and mixed evidence that chiropractic is helpful for lower back pain and a sizable body of evidence to suggest that it is not effective for many other conditions. Chiropractors regularly overstate what they can diagnose and treat. There are also some risks to chiropractic manipulations, but they're usually pretty small; the bigger risk is relying on pseudo-medicine when you need real medicine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "af0q7f", "comment_id": "edugcag"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [21M] won\u2019t clean his belly button. What should I [24F] do?", "description": "Okay I know this sounds crazy. I\u2019ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. He\u2019s always tried to avoid me going near his belly button. \n\nApparently he has a fear that it\u2019ll poke his insides or whatever. \n\nAnyways, he fell asleep, and I can\u2019t seem to sleep tonight. I usually hug him from the back, so I would rub his stomach. I went over his belly button and felt something scratchy. So eventually I thought oh hey why not check it for once. \n\nI stuck my finger in and oh my god it was crusty. The smell was even worse. I thought at first oh my god did I rip some scabs off or something? Is he alright? But when I used my phone to shine some light, it was crusty and flaky and absolutely disgusting with the texture of brown sugar and the smell of extreme sharp cheese. I also found some brown/black stones. \n\nHow do I bring this up to him? I always thought he would at least keep it clean when he showers, but he actually DOES NOT WASH HIS BELLY BUTTON.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m not gonna reply to rude people.", "answer": "Show him a video of an umbilolith removal and inform him that this is why you are concerned. Tell him that you understand it can be a sensitive area to touch, but that regularly cleaning it can help. If he refuses, ask him to please inform him physician at his next physical for them to determine if it is endangering his health. \n\nRegardless, his hygiene habits can absolutely influence physical interactions with you. There is no law that says you have to plug your nose and bear it to preform fellatio when you find him unhygienic. Communication is going to be the key on that one though.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "cgjotv", "comment_id": "eui7r0h"}, {"question": "To what degree does cannabis harm the adolescent brain? What hard evidence do we have to support the claims generally made?", "description": "If anyone with some degree of knowledge relating to this could link me some of the more rigorous studies or tell me more about this, I would greatly appreciate the effort.\n\n\nMale\n30\n5 foot 10\n150lbs\n(Putting that there so post doesnt get deleted)", "answer": "There are for obvious reasons no randomized, controlled trials. There are reviews, such as\n[Effects of Cannabis on the Adolescent Brain](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3930618/), for example; some [small longitudinal studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5963818/); and an ongoing large NIH longitudinal study.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jqhcuj", "comment_id": "gbncg8u"}, {"question": "Chromium to help with cravings", "description": "I\u2019m 9 days binge/purge free!!! I\u2019ve been working out healthy, eating when I\u2019m hungry but practicing control. It\u2019s so fucking hard. But I feel so good. I researched hard for something to control my sugar cravings - last binge was a $100 trip to donut shops and Trader Joe\u2019s and just feeling like shit after...my breaking point was that while I was biting into a donut, a back tooth broke apart. :so I tried Chromium as a supplement. Y\u2019all. My sugar cravings are way low now. I can\u2019t believe it.", "answer": "Do you have a link to which brand you used? I\u2019m gonna do some reading on it thanks for the tip. I\u2019m tired of taking methylphenidate- makes me too wired.\n\nI\u2019m sorry about your tooth. Did you get to a dentist yet? I know I need to make a dentist appointment but I\u2019m scared to because of the purging.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f0wmkn", "comment_id": "fh0dzjs"}, {"question": "Having a major problem within NA", "description": "As of yesterday I have 30 days. I've been in and out of the rooms several times. This is the longest I've had outside of rehab. Needless to say, I'm unsure of many things.\n\nWhen I came back, an older woman in AA (I very much prefer NA) helped me by comforting me, calling me, taking me to an appointment, etc. About a week into our friendship she started calling herself my sponsor. Huh?\n\nThis was a very bad idea to me. I can't relate to her much since we have different addictions and have a huge generation gap. I don't think she is a good fit for a sponsor. It's also a huge red flag to declare yourself someone's sponsor IMO. Sponsors are ASKED to sponsor. Immediately I sensed control issues. I stopped calling and avoided her.\n\nI was forced to confront her when, after not talking to her for several weeks, I ran into her at a meeting and the first thing she said was, \"Hey there, why haven't you been calling your sponsor?\" \n\nI pulled her aside afterwards and told her I appreciated her help but I wasn't sure where the sponsor thing came from. That's all I said. She got very angry. She grabbed me, and an inch from my face, told me the reason I didn't want to be her sponsee was because I was still sick and was going to use again. She raved on about how many years she has, blah blah blah, completely missing the point. After several minutes of letting her go on while she held onto my shoulders with her face an inch from mine, I said, \"I'm going to walk away now.\" I was pretty shaken, she seemed pretty deluded. \n\nRan into her again last night. She was all smiles greeting me, but briefly and no usual hug and kiss. Fine with me. But when she shared, it was a passive aggressive rant about how smart she was, what I should be doing, and how sad it is that I'm not doing it. My blood was boiling, she's sitting there talking about me in front of everyone but not using my name. Now I'm starting to feel like she's playing mind games, and she's enjoying it. Following the meeting, she congratulated me on my clean time and told me to keep coming back. I wanted to flip out but I didn't. \n\nSeriously?!?! I was out for 8 months. I just yesterday got a month clean. I have become the target of this lady's control issues, when all I want to do is not use drugs. waieghawoivdnwpeohj0WPJRHLK!!! What the fuck?!?!? I feel like confronting her (again) would just make things worse. I guess I'll be avoiding that one meeting she goes to (I'm NA, she's AA, she goes to one NA meeting which happens to be the only women's meeting in our area) which really sucks. But I can't risk getting so angry that I go back out. \n\nYes, I know. I'm powerless. I need to work on my \"serenity to accept the things I cannot change.\" I need to vent too. I'm just dumbfounded that this shit goes on within a group that is supposed to help addicts. If it was someone else, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they gave up on the program and/or went back out! Unbelievable!!! ", "answer": "\"This is a sick man(woman). How can I be helpful to him(her)? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.\" - P. 67 Big Book\n\nThis is a prayer I've gotta use when I've looked at the situation from all sides, have identified my part, and still have a resentment. Right before that prayer the book talks about how quickly resentment will take me back out. It sucks you were put in this situation, but life fuckin' sucks some times. Part of recovery is taking the high road. That's what comes with living a spiritual life. The fact of the matter is if you do take the high road you will be carefree and able to help another person and that woman will be exhausted and closed minded. Sure it's easy to wallow on my bullshit resentments I feel justified in holding on to, but all it does is kill me much much faster. \n\nMy advice, \"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we gave harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance is our code.\"\n\nThat's it. Ask for removal, make a phone call, and then turn to service. It's that simple. For me sometimes I have to repeat that process a lot until I'm finally willing to stop wallowing in my resentment, but it works without a doubt.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1skkuy", "comment_id": "cdyv07o"}, {"question": "What killed my(30M) nephew(19M)?", "description": "Hey everyone!\n\nAs the title said, my nephew died unexpectedly 16 days ago, and we have no idea how. We are still waiting for the autopsy report, but our family is obviously grieving and the uncertainty is killing us. Therefore im turning to you, in order order for, even if it's very little, information. I will do my best in explaining the whole situation. Im also an CRNA and therefore have some medical knowledge. \n\nMy nephew was a typical teenager. Just finished high school, didn't have a job yet. Was up all night gaming and sleeping all day. Had alot of friends, was a very kind-hearted person. Had no known medical issues apart from being born pre-mature and having ADD. According to his little sister and some friends, after the incident, he occasionally took Lyrica as recreational drug use, but very certain that there was no other drugs. \n\nThe night he died he hung out with two friends. The friend suspected that he had taken Lyrica before arriving at their place, but that he got more normal as the night progressed. All they did was playing video games and watching movies. At 5 in the morning my nephew texted his little sister that he was coming home at around 11-12 and then they all went to bed (all three slept in the same bed). \n\nAt 11 the friend's father enters the room and finds my nephew on the floor stone-cold dead. Probably been dead for a few hours. Anyway they all freaked out and started CPR and called 911. When help arrived they worked on him for about 30 minutes before going to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.\n\nAbout a week later I called the pathology lab asking if there was any information. I didn't talk to a doctor but the person read from some report that there were no structural causes for the sudden death. Heart was normal, no ruptures etc. The lungs were abit enlarged and that the brain weighed too much (cerebral edema?). They have taken samples and biopsies that's been sent away for analyzing. \n\nWe're at a loss here... I have two scenarios in my head. First, he just died. Sudden cardiac death without structural cause (cardiomyopathy etc), maybe caused by some recreational drug. Second, he OD'd on opiates and fell out of bed and stopped breathing. This however feels so out of character for him. It also seem strange to take something just before going to bed. \n\nWhat do you all think? Is there anything im missing or not seeing clearly? Or maybe someone with more expertise?", "answer": "The toxicology report will eventually come out from the autopsy. If it\u2019s positive for opioids, or less likely other substances, then that\u2019s the probable explanation. If not, then most likely sudden cardiac death, as others have mentioned.\n\nOur guesswork isn\u2019t going to outperform the autopsy.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eur94u", "comment_id": "ffrhvww"}, {"question": "Looking for a doctor to investigate immunosuppression", "description": "I have evidence of immunosuppression that is consistent with HIV infection, but HIV tests to date have been negative. I have seen multiple infectious disease doctors and an immunologist who have refused my requests for further investigation. My [paper](https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzkMetizcHH0YXpFTUZaUHFhYVE) provides the rationale for further investigation. If you know of anyone or how I could find someone to work with me on my case, please let me know. Thank You.\n\n29 year old male with a BMI of 20.3, no medications", "answer": "Do you adamantly believe that you have HIV despite all evidence to the contrary?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "55ipsc", "comment_id": "d8b2uz6"}, {"question": "I got 13th stepped...", "description": "i made an anonymous post here from a throwaway account a while back, couldn't get back into it, and figured I would make a permanent account. I had made the post trying to figure out if I should or shouldn't go through with this \"relationship\" that a guy in my home group wanted to start. The general consensus is that it did not sound like traditional 13th stepping, I also felt like he was being sincere. \n\n​\n\nWe were all wrong. Very, very wrong. I'm also in my mid twenties and am pretty fresh out of a divorce so I haven't dated much and, thus, lack a lot of experience when it comes to spotting red flags and actually listening to my gut. \n\n​\n\nI've known this guy for about 4 months. I'm going through a lot of alcohol related legal trouble and he's been a great support person this whole time. About a month ago we went to the movies. I thought as just friends and it ended with a kiss. After that we went on probably a dozen or so dates. He wanted to meet my family, wanted me to meet his family, etc. \n\n​\n\nI was a little put off as to how much he was pushing for sex before we were even together (he said he wanted to take things slow as far as moving forward to a relationship but definitely didn't seem to want to take things slow when it came to getting physical. That should have been a red flag). So after spending almost every day together, frequently turning down advances for sex, etc. I finally gave in on Friday night when he came over to watch a movie. I told him \"I really would rather wait, I don't want this to change anything between us\" and he told me \"if anything, it will just make us closer\". \n\n​\n\nLike a FUCKING IDIOT, I gave in. \n\n​\n\nWhat do I get 36 hours later? A text, telling me he needs to make an amends for having sex with me. I was very confused about what he was talking about, and he told me that he didn't see a relationship going anywhere and wanted to just be friends and that he was sorry he lied to me about it. \n\n​\n\nI guess if anything, I learned my lesson. I didn't need another reason to not trust people but he definitely gave me one. I'm angry at myself for not having more of a guard up, I'm angry at myself for not sticking to my boundaries. \n\n​\n\nI'm angry at him because this is apparently a pattern with him and I'm angry that he is preying on other young women in the program. I talked with another younger girl in my homegroup about what happened and apparently he is a habitual 13th stepper and \"gets em while they're still shaking\". He tried the same thing with her and a handful of other young girls in the program apparently. \n\n​\n\nI talked to my sponsor and told her I didn't want to go back to my homegroup anymore and she told me \"absolutely not, that man is a predator. The only thing you did wrong was not listen to your intuition and you trusted the wrong person. You keep going and warn every young girl in that group of what he does and he can find a new homegroup if it makes him uncomfortable that his predatory behaviour is being exposed\". So I'm not leaving my homegroup, and I'm going in with confidence and just focusing on the real reason I'm there and that is to try and stay sober for another day! \n\n​\n\nI am at least happy that I learned a lesson from this and that's to not date within the first year. Really wish I had listened to that advice.", "answer": "Sorry this happened to you. What a dirt bag he is. Glad you are taking with your sponsor about it and staying positive. Wishing you the best", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ehs37f", "comment_id": "fclfm6o"}, {"question": "being social / staying sober", "description": "i know we've discussed stuff like this before, and i'm sorry if this seems unnecessarily redundant. to make a long story shortish:\n\n- moved back to my small hometown shortly after quitting drinking\n- don't hate it here the way i used to, but i'm kind of \"over it\" and getting ready to move to a city sometime in the next few months\n- been thinking about the possibility of \"\"social drinking\"\" in the future - i know i can't and don't currently want to. i'm going to talk about it to some ppl IRL today but i'm \"telling on my addict\" as they say\n\nbasically, what i'd love is for some of you to share your stories of meeting new people and being social in sobriety. i've basically restricted myself to family and AA meetings for a social life here and sort of view it as a self-created rehab. i know that moving to a new place when you're not in university or some other \"instant social group\" situation is daunting for ANYONE, but in sobriety i have to admit i'm even more nervous. i'm going to be going to meetings in the new city (and actually very excited for the variety and honestly \"open-mindedness\" of big city recovery which i experienced when i first quit), but i wouldn't mind making friends with people who aren't in recovery, provided they aren't big drinkers.\n\nperhaps i'm just complicating things and thinking too much about hypothetical situations in the future - but i'd love to hear your experiences regardless. thanks.", "answer": "I'm interested to hear this topic because while I have hung out with my old friends and been around alcohol since getting sober, but in the next 3 months I'll be heading off to Texas Tech for college this fall. I can tell you that being with my old friends I had to make sure I was able my distance myself enough. I know that once I get back into the same lifestyle I was in drinking will be shortly around the corner. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq4nt", "comment_id": "cacosh4"}, {"question": "Mother is Jekyll/Hyde like...Mental Illness?", "description": "Hi! I'm currently in high school and here about my mom. I've always worried about her. She is 51, female, Chinese. No medications right now, doesn't drink alcohol/do drugs, etc. I guess my main concern (and I've talked with my siblings and father a couple times, and they share it) is that she has a mental illness.\n\nFor as long as I can remember, she's been sort of a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Sometimes she's really nice and encouraging to me and my siblings, but this is pretty rare (maybe like once a month?). Sometimes she leaves us alone and lets us do our stuff, which is pretty kind. I'm going to get way more detailed in the next section, but I do feel it's really important to stress this aspect of her.\n\nOther times she can get kind of mean and violent. She kicked down my brother's door (it actually shattered which was really scary) when he locked it after they got in the argument, she's got into physical fights with both him and my dad (probably big ones like 4-5 times a year?), she's threatened to throw herself down the stairs and kill herself (one time she did throw herself down the stairs but just ended up hurting her back)/has held a knife multiple times and threatened to kill herself. Every time someone gets in a big fight with her, I'm scared someone's going to die, and me and my siblings have literally been awake in fear all night some days because of this.\n\nShe is the perpetual victim in her mind. Every argument or fight is not because of her at all but is solely someone else's fault. I feel compelled to always apologize to her when we argue because she says stuff like everything that happened during the argument was my fault, and anything she may do to herself is my fault. I can't remember the last time anyone in the family has ever apologized to her; it's often the opposite way around after she victimizes herself/threatens to kill herself/we need to be let back into the house to eat or something after she's kicked us out. (She once accused me and my dad of having sex with each other when he took my side after she kicked me out of the house...that was fucking gross.) This isn't only my perception, every other person in the family has agreed with this assessment as well. \n\nLast year she was convinced she had cancer (she didn't) and kept telling everyone in the family it was our fault because we kept stressing her out and being bad people. She has incessantly monitored me and my siblings- she has the passwords to all our digital accounts and passwords, has our emails on her phone/checks them every hour and sees what we send, refuses to let me shut the door. She can be very emotionally abusive (like every day), calling me names like a bastard, telling me that I am an embarrassing child, she's ashamed to go in public with me, I'm fat (medically speaking I'm normal weight but I used to be underweight to the point of medical concern as I never ate), my homework is terrible quality, I'm going to be rejected from every college I apply to, nobody wants me (I get this every day), I will never get a job, I don't have any friends because I scare everyone I meet, I look like a monster, no one will every want to date/marry me, I look grotesque, even boys are better looking than me, and memorably twice, that she hopes I die in a car accident and that it would be easier for everyone in the family if I just killed myself. \n\nNothing I ever do is good enough for her- I have never gotten below a 97% in a class, got into a school with a <5% admit rate, yet I'm still fat. If I stop eating, then she ceases to criticize that and tells me I have horrible fashion or something like that. I feel like she hates me and doesn't love me; I'm scared that I'm incapable of having a healthy relationship (romantic and platonic) because I'm afraid no one will love me when they discover all my problems.\n\nThese are just from my memories- she gets in plenty of fights with my siblings and father too (and more physical for them) but the thing is about all of this is that when we confront her with specific things she has said or done, even just yesterday, she always denies she has said or done it. And it's the same with her always being the victim- she seems to really, truly, believe wholeheartedly that the truth is she never said or did such things. She will often say one thing (I just want you to be happy and stress-free!) and contradict herself in the next sentence (if you don't get a 2250 or higher on the SAT, you are a failure, will be rejected by all colleges, and it's unacceptable), but is completely oblivious when such contradictions are pointed out to each other. I never know when Nice Mom is going to become Fuck This Is Why I Hate Going Home From School Mom, and I'm kind of scared of her as a result. \n\nMy siblings too...we all think she has a mental illness, but she would literally never admit it because she is never, ever wrong. She has told us multiple times in the past that she is \"always right\" and even if she was wrong in predicting the future, she'll change what she remembers saying so that she's right (for instance, she kept saying my brother would get into this program and when he got rejected she was like \"and that's why I kept telling you to fix this part of your essay but you were so stubborn and never listened to me! I told you so! I'm always right!\" and all of us were like...wait you literally never said that....as usual.) We feel like if we ever brought her to a hospital, my dad would never speak against her, and she would lie on every questionnaire or psychiatrist question because she genuinely believes she is perfect and there's nothing wrong with her, and always denies saying these horrible things. Obviously I'm not going to take this as medical care or an official, the definitive diagnosis, but Redditor psychiatrists/therapists... do you think she has a mental illness, and if so, which one(s)? If so, what steps should I take next? If not, what do you think?\n\nThanks for reading all of this! ", "answer": "Yeah, whilst im very wary of diagnosing people's perception of relatives, she does sound somewhat personality disordered.\n\n[Personality disorders](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58rh4u", "comment_id": "d934et1"}, {"question": "What Birth Control is Less Likely to Give a Side Effect of Depression? (Looking at Both Pharmaceuticals and Holistic Remedies.)", "description": "I am in the USA and looking for a birth control option that will not result in my feeling depressed 24-7.  Specifically, I am taking birth control for the reason of needing to regulate my horrendous periods and lessen the amount of severe pain I am in each month and the amount of blood I lose.  When not on medication, I bleed through 16 pads per day - approximately one per half hour - and often have to stack a pad on top of another one to solve the clear issue of not being able to run to the restroom to change every half hour.  (I am not comfortable wearing tampons nor any internal capturing device, so these are out of the question for me.)  When also not on any medication for my hormones/periods, I use a TENS unit to help mitigate the amount of pain I am in each month.  Without the TENS unit, I would not be able to even move due to the severity of my pain.\n\nI have tried one birth control YEARS ago that I cannot remember the name of that gave me even worse depression than I am dealing with now from this current medication, and I am currently using Taytulla, which is still giving me a side effect of depression on a daily basis.  I am currently almost done with my second month of Taytulla out of a three-month plan a previous doctor gave to me.  The first month on the medication I didn't stop bleeding except for about four days out of the month; second month I seem to be normal and not bleeding; throughout both months I have been dealing with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts.  I am open to both pharmaceuticals and/or holistic approaches - whatever can help balance my hormones and not wack out my brain chemistry is what I'm looking for.\n\nAge: 24\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5' 2\"\n\nWeight: Approximately 137 lbs.\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: N/A\n\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Both reproductive system and brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Thyroid Nodule (3 cm lump in neck), PAT (heart condition), PMDD (never been diagnosed as such but I literally fit all the criteria for it that I've looked into, so I have good reason to believe I have it)\n\nCurrent medications: Levothyroxin and Taytulla\n\nMedications and other things I am allergic to/cannot take or use: Benedryl, Naproxen, Norco, and Latex", "answer": "If you're looking for a way to modify uterine chemistry without brain chemistry, one option is a hormonal IUD. I believe they've shown effectiveness for both dysmenorrhea (pain) and menorrhagia (heavy bleeding). The amount of systemic, circulating hormone is low enough that it likely wouldn't cause the depression.\n\nYou've mentioned PMDD. Do you feel depressed cyclical depression based on your periods even when not on birth control?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8qth1", "comment_id": "ejzlskn"}, {"question": "How do I balance respecting other people\u2019s boundaries with getting my needs met?", "description": "I\u2019m a 29 year old woman and I have some great friends who I really love. However, I spend a lot of my time feeling really lonely and alone in the world. \n\nI have a lot of friends who have partners and/or are really busy. I do not have a partner. \n\nThere are times, this evening being an example, where I feel sad or overwhelmed by life and doing something fun with a friend would really help. Social connection/social support helps with these things, right? However, when I contact my friends they\u2019re busy or feel sad themselves or just don\u2019t want to leave the house.\n\nI can understand and respect all of those things. But this means I remain alone and sad. And this seems to be a pattern that repeats over and over again.\n\nOne option is to push harder and say something like \u201cactually I really need a friend right now\u201d, but in the past that has tended to lead to people telling me I\u2019m putting too much pressure on them or generally getting annoyed with me. And I find it really uncomfortable to push my needs in this way, so I end up staying alone and sad and feeling lonely.\n\nHow do other people manage this tension between getting their needs met and respecting other people\u2019s boundaries?\n\nMy tendency is to be really passive and not speak up for things I need and want loudly enough. But that leaves me alone on an ongoing basis, yet trying to be more proactive about changing the situation by trying to make plans with friends doesn\u2019t seem to work either.\n\nWhat are your thoughts?", "answer": "Making a new friend is always possible. It may be scary, but on those evenings when you\u2019re feeling alone, try going someplace where you\u2019re likely to find some enjoyment and comfort (coffee shop? Movie? Concert?) and try interacting with another person who is there. It may or may not develop into a new friendship, but either way it brings a fresh perspective and some good conversation material for the next time you end up hanging out with your established friends.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ci9kw2", "comment_id": "ev2qrzs"}, {"question": "MS and psychosis , how do I get someone loved to professional help?", "description": "Dear redditors,\nI am coming to you in need of help. My mother is a few days over 50, ~1.6m, caucasian ,~60kg. She's been living for a few years with MS, she had slightly impaired walking and ocassional depression. For her medication she is taking Fampyra and Copaxone. Last year she visited the US and came across some sketchy \"doctors\", and they gave them some pills that preach to cure her disease and cancer and tumors and  help with weight loss. I knew it was all lies from the start but  I hoped that at least the placebo effect would help her feel a bit better. But lately they've been telling her (without my knowledge) to up her dosage, and she's been very agitated and unable to sleep for 5 days straight. She is very conflictual and starts fighting(argue,scream) around with everybody. She is starting to be delusional and misinterpret reality..She thinks my father wants to kill her and is afraid of him,even though he didn't threat her or anything(the most he did was raise his voice). Last night when she finally managed to get 3 hours of sleep I've heard her talk alone,like a dialogue between 2 or 3 persons, when I asked her why she was talking she said \"what?\" like she didn't know what happened and I've just awakened her,after a few moments she told me that the doctors from the US were doing a \"remote hypnosis\" on her.. When she woke up for good she was calm and coherent. I told her that she should stop taking those pills but she gets angry , drug addict-like, mad at me.  I've been trying to tell her that seeing a professional (both psychiatric and neurological) could be beneficial and help improve her health but she keeps saying that I am trying to lock her up in the mad house and that the doctors in my country are out dated and don't know the new \"methods\" and good \"medicine\". I don't know what to do. I am in need of help. Should I try and force her to the psychiatry clinic? Should I hide the medicine for a few days and see if she goes back to normal? I will fill up a FDA report for the sketchy medicine so that nobody else gets involved with them.", "answer": "Do you know what this medication is? It could be something dangerous to stop suddenly. In general I think this does need someone's attention; if your mother is afraid of psychiatry, perhaps she would be willing to see a neurologist.\n\nThis sounds like an extremely difficult situation for all of you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8cc7do", "comment_id": "dxdstkf"}, {"question": "Me (28F) and my Bf(29M) - Thinking of giving him a hall pass? Please advise.", "description": "Hello, \n\nI'd like to preface that \n1. I have zero trust issues with my bf\n2. I am 100% confident he loves me and I love him\n3. I don't want to hear just break up because I don't think at this point either one of us want that. \n\nSo my bf and I met in October last year. He had just gotten out of a 5 yr relationship. It was dead in the water for several years but neither cared enough to end it. Prior to that he had a 5 year relationship that ended because they were sick of the long distance. \n\nSo I knew he needed to \"sew his oats\" so to speak so I never put any specific kind of pressure on him. Figured he was prob sleeping around etc. I was totally fine with it. Fast forward 6 months. Many feelings developed, he told me several times he loved me. I never said it back. Until I really started to really genuinely have those feelings. That's also the point in which I said, I did love him and didn't want him seeing other people anymore because I was no longer comfortable with it. \n\nWe've definitely gone back and forth because he feels like he hasn't been able to \"do enough\". He has all these sexual fantasies he wants to fulfill. Initially he thought I would never be comfortable with them. Last night we had a genuine heart to heart about it all. Nothing was held back. All the things he did from the point in which I met him, etc. all the things I probably didn't want to hear but I did. \n\nThe end result is me being open to trying new things sexually with him. I've always wanted to be more comfortable sexually and he loves that I am on board with it. In the same regard, I am worried I might not be able to keep providing it. He thinks it's possible if I experiment with him enough, he will eventually be happy with just me. Since some of these experiences he wants to include other men and women. As in, a 3-some. \n\nI've thought about it and I am ok with trying it but I am also worried it might not fulfill him and eventually might lead to him cheating. Again, he doesn't think this is the case. \n\nI am considering giving him a hall pass in lieu of this. It won't bother me if there is no emotion tied behind it and it's just him doing things with people, safely. \n\nAm I completely insane? Am I going to regret this later? I haven't told him I am considering it and so far it's just been me agreeing to try these new things with him. I love him and know he loves me and won't ever cheat on me but I don't want him to resent me later on for holding him back. \n\nPlease share your thoughts. If anyone has given this to a spouse at some point etc. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about it so here I am turning to the internets. ", "answer": "you have to reckon with him not being ready for what you want in a rel.  you're trying to put out a fire with gasoline.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybnzz", "comment_id": "dmm79o9"}, {"question": "Grocery delivery is a game changer", "description": "Dude! I\u2019m a single mom to two pre-teens. To say my schedule is busy, is an understatement. And then there is my adhd. Grocery shopping was a nightmare for me and staying on top of everything needed to prepare meals on weeknights became unmanageable. We were eating like three different meals repetitively because I couldn\u2019t think past those. \n\nNow I use Shipt grocery delivery which not only frees up my time but keeps me in budget and no place to buy impulse items. Life changing!!! \n\nNow I\u2019m about to prepare homemade freezer meals and set a menu to make weeknight meals easy and predictable. I think half the battle is in making the decision, so if I eliminate that and structure it before hand, I can flow through the structured grid more seamlessly allowing me to focus more of my thinking capacity to engaging with my kiddos. I\u2019m super excited!\n\nI\u2019m 31 and was just diagnosed within the last month and started medication. My ability to be a parent and remain present in conversations with my children has greatly improved. I\u2019m thrilled to see how life can be now that I formally understand my brain/mind. \n\nIt\u2019s been super helpful reading through reddit and relating to all here. Thanks guys!! ", "answer": "Grocery delivery has helped me a lot too, although sometimes I get overwhelmed by searching items in the app and will put off doing THAT even! \ud83d\ude02", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ablgqq", "comment_id": "ed1b56a"}, {"question": "What up with executive function disorder?!", "description": "Wait, I thought my ADHD meant I have problems with executive function... but I just read that ADHD and executive function disorder are different things. Very confused... google not helping \ud83d\ude1e\n\nAnyone got any resources on the difference between the 2?", "answer": "Tldr: executive function deficit exists (R41.844) but is due to abnormal lab results not otherwise explained (generally physiological concerns). ADHD (F90.0) is a mental illness that has onset in childhood and is a specific psychological diagnosis. \n\nI am a clinical psychologist and work with neuropsychs that assess this.\n\nExecutive function disorder (aka executive function deficit) is a diagnosis in the ICD 10 (International Classification of Diseases). If it's the one you are talking about, you will note that it is coded R41.844. \n\nAll mental health diagnoses are F code not R. R codes include \"Symptoms, signs and abnormal clinical and laboratory findings, not elsewhere classified\". More specifically R40-49 includes \"Symptoms and signs involving cognition, perception, emotional state and behaviour\".\n\nThis is not my area of expertise but as you can see it is a somewhat mental health based category, however the difference is that it is the result of abnormal lab results or findings, generally physiological in nature. \n\nI don't know the diagnostic criteria for R41.844 but I'd say it may be to do with an acquired Brian injury or other causes. ADHD however, is code F90.0, and must have symptoms at birth, as well as other criteria, and is a psychological disorder.\n\nDifferences- so, the difference will really vary from person to person. If the onset of symptos has been in adulthood it won't be ADHD, if there is a history of brain trauma it may be  executive disorder. Also, intellectual disability, genes etc. All changes which diagnosis is made.\n\nAs for how it will look, the impact of an executive disorder will probably be more apparent (depending on the person) and there will be less wide spread issues elsewhere. Often the executive disorder effects one specific part of the persons life to a large degree whereas ADHD tends to be milder but more widespread.\n\nAlso, I don't know because I don't diagnose this disorder but it is oftentimes used as a \"place holder\" or a \"provisional\" diagnosis that may be changed later when the doctors know more. F54 \"Psychological and behavioural factors associated with disorders or diseases classified elsewhere\" is a similar thing, here we diagnose with this broad diagnosis whilst we figure out the specific one.\n\nHope this helps.\n\nEdit: didn't explain thus great. Feel free to ask questions.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c9nrn7", "comment_id": "et1dtuw"}, {"question": "Serotonin syndrome question", "description": "Age- 35\n\nSex- male\n\nRace- Caucasian\n\nGeographic location- USA\n\nHealth issues- undiagnosed anxiety\n\nMedications- none\n\nI have a question about something my fianc\u00e9 went through yesterday. On Tuesday he began talking about some really odd things that sounded very paranoid to me and even delusional. We talked it through and I told him I was worried about him, but we got through the rest of the day without issue. Then yesterday, he had an appointment and I came home to find him on the couch under a blanket and not looking well. I asked what was wrong, and he said he thought the people at the doctors office were trying to keep him there and the fbi was out to get him, etc. He couldn\u2019t answer a question straight and would go off on random paranoid tangents. We both work in acute mental health, and I knew something was seriously wrong, so we went to a local psych crisis center. They sent him to the ER because he made the comment that he \u201cwanted to die\u201d. What\u2019s important to know here, and how serotonin syndrome may come in, is that he smokes marijuana daily. I also noticed that some of my Rx pain medication was gone (5-7 pills of Trazodone and Oxycodone). I asked if he had taken them and he said no, but his memory of the last few days is very bad and he can\u2019t recall much. I\u2019m wondering if A) if he had THC and Trazodone in his system, could this type of psychotic reaction occur or is it likely just the marijuana? And B) does serotonin syndrome ever manifest in psychosis? It important to not here that about 13 years ago, he stayed a few days at an inpatient psych center for the same type of behavior, but at that time he was doing a lot of hallucinogens like acid and LSD. Any advice or information is welcome. Thank you ", "answer": "It takes a ton of trazodone, or a combination with other serotonergic drugs, to produce serotonin syndrome. The syndrome can include hallucinations and paranoia, but those are usually late symptoms, and hyperthermia, tremor, GI disturbance, and other physical symptoms appear first.\n\nI would be inclined to say it\u2019s an effect of marijuana, possibly including adulterants, both because it fits the picture better and because it\u2019s more clear that he used marijuana than your pills.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajwbri", "comment_id": "eezdnwk"}, {"question": "Surgery is done abroad. where to do PostCare in the US ?", "description": "19, Male, 5' 8'', 175 lb, Middle Eastern, lower back, Tempe, AZ\n\n​\n\nMy brother did a pilonidal cyst surgery 2 weeks ago and now he's getting back to the US for college. The surgeon instructed him to find a place to change dressing daily and remove the surgical stitches when the wound has healed . not sure who to schedule an appointment with\n\ncalled the hospital: they told me appointment can't be scheduled. he has to have a Primary care doctor or he can enter the ER without an appointment\n\ncalled Urgent care: they were not sure the assistant physicians can help him\n\nSince the dressing needs to be changed daily, whats the best place to go to in terms spending the least amount of time there wait.\n\nI would prefer he doesn't go to the ER as that tends to be 9-11 hours wait. he has insurance that will cover everything\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "He could go to the Student Health Center of his college.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeq3dm", "comment_id": "edru9uj"}, {"question": "Am I overthinking conversations? ", "description": "When I have conversations with people (mostly online ones) I have a constant fear of annoying them or being uninteresting/boring.  For example, I want to avoid lulls in the conversation as much as possible so I tend to be very long winded.  However, sometimes after a while they seem to be less interested in the conversation.  \n\nSometimes even when starting one, I am very hesitant to because I fear that the person will not want to talk to me even though we are pretty good friends.  This especially so, when it's with someone who tends to be very sparse in the content of their replies.  \n\nWhat are some ways I can continue on or start a conversation without being self conscious about being annoying or boring?  ", "answer": "I wrote a [conversation guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) with tips on having good conversation flow, asking questions that get good replies, etc. I think it will help you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xd6jh", "comment_id": "c5ll85f"}, {"question": "My mom wants me to take a (supposedly) autism-allieving antibiotic?", "description": "Hi, guys. Last night, my mother and I watched [this episode](http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/autism-enigma.html) of David Suzuki's *The Nature of Things* on autism and a new theory that autism is caused by neurotoxin producing gut-bacteria. Now that she's seen it, my mother is pushing me to take an antibiotic called Acidophilus which (according to the program) is supposed to kill this bacteria, in the hopes that it will alleviate some of my social issues related to my Aspergers. \n\nI'm really not sure how I feel about this. My mom has always been supportive (she was the one that noticed my symptoms and suggested that I get tested), but I feel like she's hoping that this antibiotic will \"cure\" me. I'm fine with who I am but I don't want anybody to treat me as though I have a mental illness that can be cured. Has anybody else had a similar experience? What are your thoughts on the theory? I'm open to hearing any thoughts and opinions you guys have.", "answer": "Ask your mom to become educated about autism:\n\nI bought everyone in my family a copy of this book, and when I told them I had autism, I told them the best thing they could do for me was to read this:\n\nhttp://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843104954\n\nI am not claiming that this is the perfect book, but it is thorough, and learning about and understanding your loved one is often the best thing you can do for them.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xmz2n", "comment_id": "c5nw3ln"}, {"question": "Why back muscles have strain and pain while front muscles(abs pectoral etc) never do?", "description": "I do office work. Got a lot of back and neck muscles strain.\n\nBut even people don't do such work would agree with me that back muscles got pain much easier than front ones.\n\nAnd you see cupping marks usually on the back.\n\nCan someone explain this?", "answer": "Wrong sub...this is for mental health therapists not physical therapists. \u263a\ufe0f", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "byrren", "comment_id": "eqkxmr7"}, {"question": "Is this something women do?", "description": "Long story short, women hate me. They have hated me my entire life. After 24 years I have gotten use to it. I get it that I am an ugly guy and I will get treated like shit by them. I have not had a female friend for about 12 years so I am new to this whole interacting with women thing especially in my adult life. \n\nMy \"friend\" does not want to hang out with me which is fine. I will always be her texting buddy. In the past she has abruptly stopped texting me. Recently, I have tried not to get too involved in our conversation. Every time I try to create some distance she finds a way to keep our conversation going. As soon as I invest into talking to her she stops texting me. Like just now I see her tweeting but she can't reply to my text. Is it something that women just do?", "answer": "Women do not hate you unless you are doing something to make them hate you. Ask yourself seriously-- are you doing something to make them hate you? There's not much here to go on other than the fact that you say all women hate you...that seems to suggest the problem is with you.\n\nWomen are not a different species. They are people. If you are treating them as \"not people\" that's a good reason right there for them to avoid you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2h3kmm", "comment_id": "ckp3a97"}, {"question": "Therapy is triggering for me. Medication?", "description": "It's all pretty much in the title, but I'll go into a little more detail here. \n\n​\n\nBasically, I have had depression and anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember. I'm in my mid-20's now, but I even remember being a little kid and getting anxious about certain things. My depression and anxiety was never so bad where it stopped me from performing the tasks I needed to (graduated from high school with good grades, went to a good school, got a job, did my job well/always showed up, etc.). I've just always felt like I walk around with a cloud over me. I went through something pretty traumatic over the summer and decided to start seeing a therapist. In therapy, we talked about my upbringing and all of the stuff I went through at the hands of my bipolar/narcissistic mother. I found myself feeling down after every session. It was almost like talking about my childhood/teenage years was triggering for me because it brought back all of those old memories. Well, I decided to stop seeing my therapist because he would spend 25% of the session talking about himself and I thought that was inappropriate/a waste of my money. He was very nice, but I just didn't think it was appropriate for me to know my therapist's life story. If that is normal, please let me know. It was my first therapist so maybe that is typical. So, basically I'm wondering if there is a way to have a positive experience with therapy if you happen to be one of those people who is triggered by the discussion of past traumas. Is this normal? \n\n​\n\nI should also mention that my therapist was \"just\" a social worker. I'm wondering if I meet with someone who has more credentials, maybe I'll have a better, more helpful experience. \n\n​\n\nAnd finally, I have an appointment next week with my PCP to get started on an antidepressant. I'm just sick of feeling this way. But I've heard that for some, antidepressants don't work. \n\n​\n\nAny help or advice is very much appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "Therapist here! I'm a mental health counselor, not a social worker.\n\n\"Normal\" is a very subjective word. In answering some of your questions, I will use some different language.\n\nI always tell my new clients that therapy is difficult. There are times where you walk in feeling great, and leave feeling no-so-great. I'm the kind of clinician that can push my clients once I feel they are resilient enough to handle it. That uncomfortability can drive progress and understanding if directed in an appropriate way. As they develop mastery, I make them more involved in their own therapy process- \"should we go here today? How far do you think we can push this particular topic and let you process? What kinds of things can we do right now to help you cope with these thoughts/feelings?\" It's all about giving you the skills to do this on your own. So, it makes sense that you might have times where you feel worse after a session. The real question here is, what is being done during those hard moments to inspire growth?\n\nSpending 25% of the session having the therapist talk about their own personal life is a bit much, IMO. I would say the typical amount of time spent self-disclosing (that's what we call it professionally) is between 3-5% of a session TOPS Usually it's a minute or two talking about how the week has been, or putting in a sentence about going through something or knowing something during a story. Nothing more. Like you said, you pay your therapist to listen and help you, not to have them talk about themselves to you.\n\nUsing medication to help lessen the symptoms in the short term and talking with your doctor about your options is a great idea. It is true that you may not respond to the first medication you are prescribed: be observant about what goes on for you (positive and negative) and work with your doctor to find a medication and dosage that gives you the best balance. Lots of folks give up pretty quickly after not seeing relatively immediate results; don't fall into this trap.\n\nI would wholly advocate finding another therapist that might mesh better with you and offer a different environment. You are always free to look up and ask providers about their credentials, I always advocate for an informed consumer and welcome any questions my clients have. If you are looking for someone more generally trained in clinical modalities and approaches, you might consider a mental health counselor, marriage and family therapist, or psychologist over a social worker. Social workers get trained in some therapeutic practices too, but often times they have to seek out additional training after their programs to get truly competent in it. The other professionals I mentioned get more intensive training during their schooling and are more prepared for that stuff out the door.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e3yeo8", "comment_id": "f95ol7j"}, {"question": "Marriage advice pls!", "description": "I am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...Although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...Almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? Thanks..", "answer": "He's an alcoholic. Only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. Give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "docy5oe"}, {"question": "What does the presence of Fetor Hepaticus mean for the brain?", "description": "Age: 52\n\nHeight: 5'0\n\nWeight: \\~150\n\nDiagnoses: cirrhosis for many years (continues to drink), pancreatitis, Barrett's esophagus (most recent diagnosis \\~2 years ago), enlarged heart\n\n​\n\nI'm just trying to figure out what I can expect for my mom. Thanks.", "answer": "Fetor hepaticus is a late symptom of liver failure; it means that the liver is not working to the point that blood is bypassing it and toxins that would normally be removed by the liver are circulating to the lungs and being expelled with breath. One of the chemicals that builds up is ammonia, which is toxic to brain function and causes hepatic encephalopathy. That's the medical term for confusion, delirium, and reduced consciousness because of brain dysfunction.\n\nLiver damage is a little bit unpredictable, and there are other reasons for bad or strange breath smells besides fetor hepaticus, but if the smell has changed it's important for her to get to a liver doctor and try to preserve liver function. And stop drinking, because ultimately the only treatment for liver failure is a transplant, and active drinking gets in the way of getting listed for transplantation.\n\nGood luck to you and your mom. Liver disease can be very hard to watch, especially if it's in a loved one who isn't doing what you would want to recover or at least stabilize.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b3u1u0", "comment_id": "ej26hdu"}, {"question": "How can I stop liking bad boys?", "description": "Why do I find it extremely attractive when a guy is controlling? It's so damaging. Why do I imagine a guy hitting me as attractive! How unbelievably stupid am I to find that attractive. I'm ashamed\n\nI'm 18 (F) with daddy issues. I know why. The question is how do I stop. \nI don't want to get with any guy or give a guy any part of me because I know that with who I choose they will hurt me or fuck me over.\n", "answer": "Just in case \"go to therapy\" hasn't been reiterated enough, I'm going to beat that dead horse. \n\nTherapy. \n\nKnowing the reason you have daddy issues isn't enough--I suspect your \"knowing\" consists of acknowledging that you have an absent father figure who sucked. This is not enough. \n\nTherapy will help you see the ways in which that relationship (because whether he's there or not, the relationship exists for you) shaped your sense of self, how you seek safety, how you view relationships, and how all of that manifests in sexual desire. \n\nThis can take a lot of time, but you're very young so if you start now you have a solid chance at eventually making some healthy romantic choices that will break whatever familial cycles have led to this for you. \n\nPlease, your insurance will help and this is potentially one of the greatest gifts you can give your future self--not to mention future children if that's the road you choose to go down. \n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "701da6", "comment_id": "dmzoqfs"}, {"question": "Could I have an alcohol allergy?", "description": "Alright, I know than overindulgence with alcoholic beverages leads to a lot of generally unpleasant symptoms. The thing is that I seem to get the hangover after drinking very small amounts of alcohol. \n\nLast night I had a drink at a family party. A drink. Not even a full solo cup. And it wasn't a potent drink. Vodka, water and a crystal lite water flavor packet. I sipped at it over an hour after dinner and had maybe a third? My brothers teased me for it. I didn't feel bad or tipsy from it at all.\n\n I went to bed a few hours or later and woke up in the middle of the night sweating, nauseated, lightheaded and dizzy. I couldn't sit up without wanting to vomit(I didn't actually vomit but did dry heave). My hands and feet were also very itchy. \n\nThis lasted for roughly an hour and half before the dizziness, sweating and itchiness went away. I still feel very weak stomached and cannot sit, stand or move my head to quickly without getting very dizzy and feeling like vomiting. \n\nWhile this is the first time that I've had such a severe reaction I do know that drinking in any amount has always left me wobbly stomached. Despite being a 22 yr old female, I don't drink very often. When I do drink it is small amounts of white wine or beer. Never more than one glass/can. I have had vodka before when i turned 21 and I didn't have this sort of severe reaction. \n\nI apologize for the long post. I am concerned though that I might have or be developing some sort of allergy for alcohol and if I should mention that possibility to my gp.", "answer": "Are you on any prescribed medication or use any illicit substances?\n\nDo you use perfumes etc? If so, it's not an allergy in the classical sense, per se.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6tffzm", "comment_id": "dlknmq9"}, {"question": "Me [25/M] Struggling To Deal With Weird Tension/Not Opening Up With Close Friend (25/F)", "description": "Yo, need to get this off my chest so it's a long one. So me and my friend have known each other for two years. It started off as just hanging out but I became rather attached and we kissed a couple of times but it didn't really lead to anything because I had no idea what I was doing and she 'couldn't let me like her' (she's been hurt in the past over and over again apparently and is very insecure unfortunately).\n\nThat was over a year and a half ago but we've kept in touch. There was a period where she had a boyfriend and I was just pretty much heartbroken after thinking she wasn't ready for a relationship, so I gave myself some space between us. When I felt better we started talking again and at this point I had a girlfriend. We actually met for a drink and it was nice and she was actually full of praise for me and complemented me a lot but she continuously made comments full of regret.\n\nFor example, I want kids (she really does too) and we spoke about them for ages and she told me: \"it's so nice that you like kids, most guys I know don't\" or \"Look at you going out every other day, I never get to out, this is like a treat for me\". She always talked about how she never goes out for drinks and gigs, basically the things I know she loves doing (we have an incredible amount in common so we just sort of get each other).\n\nAbout a month later I broke up with my girlfriend and this is where things get complicated. I ask her if she wants to go to a gig and she says she wants to but will let me know later. She then says no and I ask why. Her answer is \"It's because you don't have a girlfriend anymore and it's difficult and complicated to explain (even as friends) about why i'm going out with someone who isn't the usual guy\". \n\nSo she actually has been in a relationship even though her comments made me think she was alone and now she won't explain or open up about her boyfriend. It's fair enough and I don't want to know any details specifically about him but she doesn't sound happy and I want her to be doing the fun things that she likes and being happy.\n\nThese past two weeks she has been kind of ignoring me. Basically she suggested going for a drink with me (she's never asked me to hang out before, I would always make plans) and then she stopped replying when I gave her a time because she got scared of meeting up. I knew she regretted asking me but why can't she be honest with me? We even saw each other in person for the past two nights oddly enough but we just said hi and when I asked for a quick catch-up, she said it might be weird so I just went home.\n\nI'm currently putting some space between us because I don't want to complicate things for her but I really need to tell her how I feel (love) which I can't do whilst she has a boyfriend.\n\nRight now my thinking is that I should just leave her alone for a few weeks then ask her how everything is with her life and relationship. \n\nIs this the right move? I'm not going to put my life on hold for her, if something comes along whilst i'm waiting then i'll go for it. I do need some advice though as i've never felt this way about someone and I think we go great together. Even if she doesn't feel the same, I reckon i'll need some closure.", "answer": "Unless you think she'd be thrilled to know you're in love with her, hold off.  Check in periodically and in the mean time live your life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69lgdf", "comment_id": "dh7geg6"}, {"question": "Does this sound like asthma?", "description": "Hi everyone. I'm a 21F, Indian, 5'6\", 98lbs. I've had this issue on and off pretty much my entire life. I always assumed I was just out of shape, but my symptoms have been progressively getting worse. I've had a cough every morning for 7 years, with thick mucus, shortness of breathe whenever I exert myself (even just walking from my car to work/home/etc), tightness in my chest, difficulty sleeping, and pressure on my chest when I lay down(it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest). Even now I am just sitting on my couch and having some difficulty breathing. It's not impossible for me to breathe, I just slight discomfort and have to work a little harder than a normal person. \n\nI've always tried working out, push through the shortness of breathe, thinking I'd eventually get used to it, but I've been doing mild workouts (brisk walking, pilates) for 2 years and the shortness of breathe persists. I can't even advance my workouts because I get so out of breathe.\n\nThe only history I have is Ulcerative Colitis, I was diagnosed in Jan this year. I take 300mg Lialda every day, no other meds. When I was in the hospital for my UC, I had an anaphylactic reaction to Compazine. My nurse gave me IV benadryl and steroids, and I could instantly breathe *so much easier*. I honestly wouldn't have realized how hard I've been working to breathe if it wasn't for the steroids & benadryl.  \n\nIs this worth bringing up to my doctor? When I was in the hospital, I told my doctors I was short of breathe, but they thought it was from the dehydration and blood loss my UC flare up caused. I tried to explain that I'd had the problem for a while, and was brushed off since I had more acute problems at the time. I felt kind of silly even complaining about it, so I thought I'd ask here and see if it sounds like asthma or some other issue.\n\n", "answer": "You should bring it up to your doctor, because diagnosis and treatment are linked. If some inhaled short\\-acting beta agonist makes you breathe easier, it's asthma and you should be treated accordingly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fw4rs", "comment_id": "dy6xodz"}, {"question": "Whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "I believe edmr stands for Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing\n\nI know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc \n\nCan someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?\n\nIt would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "Just a note that this is VERY controversial in the field currently. \n\nFrom APA Division 12 (Clinical Psych): \n\n\"The theoretical basis for EMDR is that PTSD symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. The bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. The efficacy of EMDR for PTSD is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. On one hand, studies have shown that EMDR produces greater reduction in PTSD symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. On the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing EMDR to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. Thus, it appears that while EMDR is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. If EMDR is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of EMDR is beneficial for patients and the field. However, proponents of EMDR insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for PTSD. In any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding EMDR will lift.\" https://www.div12.org/treatment/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/\n\nFolks who support EMDR as a MECHANISM (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "flk9cyf"}, {"question": "Why are SSRI\u2019s prescribed for anxiety?", "description": "Hello, \n\nI\u2019m currently in school for my BSN and in school we learned that patients with anxiety often have high levels of serotonin (in contrast with depression where serotonin levels are usually low) so I\u2019m wondering then why a serotonin reuptake INHIBITOR is prescribed for those with anxiety when their serotonin levels would already be high? ", "answer": "We don't understand neurotransmission of affective disorders like depression and anxiety well. In fact, we barely know anything at all. From what I can see, this comes from one small study \\([Serotonin Synthesis and Reuptake in Social Anxiety Disorder](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2319711)\\). I've also seen at least one study that found anxiety could be replicated and SSRI effect prevented by depleting synaptic serotonin, but I can't find it at the moment.\n\nAt a very basic level, we don't know. We prescribe SSRIs because they seem to help, although not always and not always to the same degree. Psychiatry is still much more empirical than mechanistic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ezvkb", "comment_id": "dxzid5q"}, {"question": "I'm worried I may be experiencing psychosis - help?", "description": "For the last few months my depression and anxiety has been through the roof. I've not been a good place.\n\nWhat I'm experiencing isn't so much delusions, more so paranoias, revolving around the theme of people being a product of my imagination. I can rationalize that these paranoias are untrue, but still they bother me. I sometimes get paranoid that my SO is a sort of higher power, who's leading me on a certain path. I get paranoid that he can hear my thoughts and knows what I'm doing when we're not together.\n\nWe've had a lot of arguments lately, which are caused by me getting stuck in extremely negative thought loops, and I hear everything he says as a criticism. I begin to believe he doesn't really love or care about me or even like me anymore.\n\nI'm scared to be alone. I see shadows, I get this bothersome feeling that I'm not alone. It freaks me out.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore. I miss feeling sane. Anyone else experience anything like this? I'm in therapy but haven't spoken to anyone about these specific concerns because I feel embarrassed about it.", "answer": "Paranoia is a common form of psychosis though less recognized because it seems more plausible.  Truly, medication may help.  Think about seeing a psychiatrist.  ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "30hk7g", "comment_id": "cptt5jy"}, {"question": "What are the steps to becoming a therapist?", "description": "I'm looking to retrain as a therapist - I'm 27! - and COVID19 has put my current job at threat.The end-goal is to practice in the private sector as a compassion-focused therapist. What are the steps to get me there? \n\nUndergrad degree, then a MA/Diploma in the chosen methodology? Is there a different way to get to this? \n\nAny advice will be so SO helpful xx", "answer": "If you have not completed an undergraduate degree, yup, that's a good place to start! Psychology is a particularly good major option, but there are other totally fine choices such as Human Services or Social Work. \n\nTypically, to be a competitive grad school applicant for a licensable Master's degree, you would want some sort of experience in a helping role with a vulnerable population. This could be work, volunteering, or internships. \n\nThen, you would apply to graduate school. Commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling, MFT, and Social Work. These will usually be about two years.\n\nAfter that, you will need to meet your state's licensure standards, which means, among other things, practicing under someone else's license and getting supervision for your therapy work. The exact amount of time to get licensed will vary by degree path, specific licensure, and state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbe73l", "comment_id": "fvafc8w"}, {"question": "Is most medical advice online bull shit?", "description": "I'm asking because I often find people on forums contradicting what my specialist doctor is saying, so who should I trust?", "answer": "The irony of asking this online...\n\nDoctors have trained for a long time to have the knowledge and skills necessary to help people. It's possible for us to be wrong, and it's possible for random internet strangers to be right, but I would never, without very good specific reason, assume non-doctors know better.\n\nYou can always bring up what the internet says to your specialist and see what he or she says in response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8umr99", "comment_id": "e1ghy89"}, {"question": "Anyone else sick of how drinking is portrayed in American culture?", "description": "Everywhere I look it\u2019s another meme, post, or T-shirt that is supposed to be cute or funny about drinking, being drunk or having a drinking problem. I\u2019m so confused as to why it\u2019s being shoved down our throats constantly. Is alcoholism cute and funny?! It\u2019s really sad to me and it\u2019s no wonder so many of us have a problem.  So many people die because of alcohol. Alcoholism, making impaired decisions, drunk driving, etc. It isn\u2019t funny.\n", "answer": "Ireland ... you guessed it... bad too. Today we were in a restaurant where neither my husband or i had an alchoholic drink. When the bill came it was on a small tray under 6 wine bottle corks for effect.I found that weird. I know the restaurant is really into its wine but it seemed out of place and trying too hard ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uzp2d", "comment_id": "e1kbir8"}, {"question": "Advise from a outside perspective", "description": "Been dealing with mental issues for awhile and the main issue im struggling to find reason in life ,i told im young and my whole life is a ahead of me i just dont know what to do i dont feel welcome in my own family and when they do try i shut them out ,i cant help but feel like ive fucked everything up already and that everything is a joke.\nI Don't whether its because this is such a big stage in my life i just don't know where to turn i don't feel like anyone cares i feel belittled by therapy sometimes i just feel like i should end it but never do because i cant bare to think how easily i would be forgotten .\nI want to be with everyone and on my own i want people to be near bu cant bare to be a disappointment i dont know whether im writing on here for my mind or because i want help.\nMy family seem to think its a joke i try to talk when i discuss it they make me feel bad like the way i feel is my fault i try but fail when i do get close to people i ruin everything this it ", "answer": "I think it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone about what you're feeling. You seem to have a lot on your mind, and sorting all of it out could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "45mnn1", "comment_id": "czyyquf"}, {"question": "I just need advice..[f,23] (conflicted)", "description": "I recently tried anal with my boyfriend and we both enjoyed it and have used a butt plug as well. I asked him to use the butt plug and my small vibrator on me at the same time and of course I wanted to have sex as well. He flat out said no and gave me no reason why. Am I asking too much?? Is it too weird?? I still wanna try it and I even wanna be hand cuffed and blind folded but I don't think it'll ever be more than a fantasy...", "answer": "nothing is weird between 2 consenting adults.  everyone just has to be in a comfort zone.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dy81r", "comment_id": "di69xkh"}, {"question": "Since cellphone radiation causes brain tumors, and visible light is thousands of times more powerful than cellphone radiation, will sleeping with a light on give me cancer?", "description": "Ummm I'm 24, white male...and I like to sleep with a lamp next to my bed, since I find it relaxing. I usually leave my computer monitor on too..just because my computer's old and I don't want to keep restarting it as it takes ages to boot up..\n\nBut I read that lamps and monitors give out visible light which is a form of EMF radiation, and yellow light (like the kind the lamp emits) is over a thousand times more powerful than the radiation given off by a cellphone and when I'm sleeping my head is being exposed to that light for a solid 8+ hours. Does this mean I have a heightened risk of cancer or I'm 1,000 times more likely to get cancer compared to using a phone for 8+ hours?", "answer": "There's a very detailed and public\\-friendly article about it on [cancer.gov](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/radiation/cell-phones-fact-sheet#q4) and the tl;dr version is that if there's any link between cell phones and cancer, it's very weak. Not all electromagnetic radiation is created equal, obviously, and for light it seems clear that ultraviolet frequencies are dangerous to DNA and can cause cancer while the visible spectrum does not cause cancer. At least as far as we know. Since no one lives an entire lifetime in darkness, nor would anyone want to, it's a moot point.\n\nIn any case, compared to the normal exposure to light from everyday life, having a lamp on at night is a negligible increase.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jhttf", "comment_id": "dyzsn2b"}, {"question": "My best friend (f20) and me (f20) about my sex experience?", "description": "My friend and i  havent been catching up for a long time from being busy but we met up recently and it was a fun day. \nThe only thing however that i cant stop thinking about and feeling bothered is when she would ask if we did it together (sex) \nAnd we already talked about my relationship, but i feel like she wanted to hear more from it (sex) and go into my business with my relationship. She would ask \"soooo with your bf did you do anything'\" then right after she'd tell me that if im uncomfortable i didnt have to tell ger, but for some reason i told her about it because there was alittle pressure on her saying that, as well as it was so sudden i just say yeah\nI got into details since she would ask me and i was fine at that time but now that i realize, i feel alittle strange thinking that it's not her business afterall and we havent met in a while\n- especially when she would ask me if i bled, how long it took, where i had sex, etc. \n\nLike i get that she was curious but idk \nI kind of hate myself for this and i've been feeling grossed. I told her not to see me differently and she said of course but obviously she will you know \nBut the point is, i regret that I told her because i always tell her my personal secrets which is fine, but felt just too soon, like it wouldve been better if i told her about it instead of her asking :(\n\nI was crying about it the morning, is this normal?\n\nI lost my virginity with him and my friend obviously assumed before that i was a virgin\n\n\nTL;DR: i regret telling my best friend about my sex experience", "answer": "That's a sad story. You'll move on and think twice about revealing very personal stuff next time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6exbid", "comment_id": "didv3ul"}, {"question": "Should I just cut this girl off?", "description": "I met a girl on Reddit about 2 months ago and we had an instant chemistry. We went on to be really close for that time, messaging constantly throughout the day, videocalling for hours in the evening, sharing everything about our lives and being emotionally supportive to one another, sending gifts and we ended up falling for each other pretty hard and promised that we were going to work out a plan to meet in person. \n\nThen last week she went on an internet detox if you will, and then said that despite being romantically interested in me, there were too many factors in the way of taking it further, and that she was reconciling with her ex partner, but that she thinks I'm an amazing person and would love to be my friend. I was pretty crushed for a few days, but understand her reasoning. I questioned her request to be friends, but she said that genuinely, she really cares about me and would love to still have me in her life.\n\nNow it's like the absolute polar opposite of how we used to be. Anytime we chat she always finds a reason to go after 5 minutes and if I message her first then she doesn't respond for hours, sometimes until the next day despite being active. For example, tonight she messaged me and asked me how my day was. I responded to her and it took her 10 minutes to reply. I reply straight away and again it takes her another 10 minutes to respond. I again respond right away and then she has gone off fb without responding or even saying goodbye. I'm 6 hours ahead of her and I get the feeling she messaged me initially expecting me to be asleep,  but when I reply she's waiting me out hoping that I get tired and fall asleep. She's explained it by saying that she has disabled notifications on her phone because they are irritating. \n\nI'm just confused. I'd gladly be her friend, I care about her and I think she's a great person and we really get on. But I'm not up for bs mind games, fuck that. If she would just tell me that she's not interested in talking to me then so be it, I'm not going to cry about it, I'll just delete, block and move on, because as much as I like her I'm not going to waste my time and mental energy on somebody who doesn't give a shit. The only thing I'm holding onto is the person I knew for those 2 months, she was literally my best friend for that time and I miss that. She's given hints that she genuinely wants to talk, like telling me to watch a certain show so that we can talk about it, but Idk if it's part of some mind game she's playing, trying to make me go crazy for her or something so that she gets an ego boost. It's doing the opposite, I'm losing respect and attraction for her every time she does this.\n\nIs she just playing games?", "answer": "She may be completely honest about wanting to be friends. She may also be worried about leading you on and trying to distance herself so that you lose feelings for her. Before she was talking to you and you both were into trying to make it more. She\u2019s now gotten back with her ex so may be scared he will get mad if she\u2019s talking to someone who\u2019s got feelings for her. As friends she\u2019s not going to be able to talk as much as you did because things have changed. She may have genuinely had feelings for you as well, but she\u2019s having to put them away for whatever her reasons are (distance and thinking realistically about how you would continue any kind of relationship). \n\n\nOr yes she liked the attention and you made her feel good (sounds like she was fresh out of a relationship and was feeling insecure and down on herself). Doesn\u2019t mean she didn\u2019t mean things she said, but she made the choice (right or not) to go back to her ex. She might be too scared to just end things totally with you. So it\u2019s up to you to decide if you want a limited friendship (which may not meet your needs as a friend). Or you say sorry this isn\u2019t going to work for me because I feel like we are less than friends now. It sucks and I\u2019m sorry that her behaviour is hurtful. It sucks when we have chemistry with someone that seems great and they don\u2019t work out for whatever reason.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fss8pj", "comment_id": "fm37dp5"}, {"question": "Please help, dehydrated, nauseous, headaches, and can't sleep because of it!", "description": "Age: 18\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 6\"0\n\nWeight: 280\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration: Past few days\n\nLocation: North Dakota, USA, Pain in head, stomach, muscles\n\nExisting medical issues: none that I can think of\n\nCurrent medications: Adderall Immediate Release 20mg\n\nPhoto: None required\n\n​\n\nTo summarize I was a little reckless a few days ago with my medication in preparing for a test and took more than my daily dosage to have an all-night study binge. After the effects wore off I've been having stomach cramps and nausea, muscle cramps, stiffness, headaches ranging in levels of pain, and some dizziness/confusion. I believe that I'm dehydrated based on the color of my urine and how difficult it is to get anything out, even when I feel the urge to urinate. I'm having a difficult time eating or drinking anything (no matter how bland) because of nausea and the only thing I was able to get down was a McDonald's meal last night (strange I know, but this morning I tried to drink water and  eat some yogurt and couldn't bring myself to force it down). In terms of sleep, I've only slept about 8 hours total in the past 3 days because of the pains. I haven't taken my dosage for 2 days because I fear it will make my symptoms worse. \n\nMy questions are: Am I going through withdrawal or something and will feel better if I get back to taking 2 a day? Or, is this the cause of other problems such as sleep deprivation, dehydration, and not eating? And finally, what do you recommend I do? Should I try to sleep by taking Zzzquil or something? Or, should I take care of the nausea and try to eat/drink regularly again? Are there any good recommendations for alleviating nausea such as an OTC medication? I've tried Pepto Bismol and Tums and they don't seem to help.\n\n​", "answer": "Well basically you're going through symptoms if someone was misusing amphetamines... Should settle down though.\n\nIf you feel able to overmedicate for academic purposes, is the medication actually necessary for you?\n\n(don't do it again!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq8yvm", "comment_id": "egehxb8"}, {"question": "[19/m] just hooked up with a girl I really like...", "description": "I just hooked up with a girl a few hours ago, and I'd like to continue, but I'm not sure what to text her in the morning without sounding too desperate. I was gonna go with \"hey, let's keep whatever we did last night between us. I'm obviously not embarrased or anything, I just wanna make sure what happens between us stays between us. Our business shouldn't be everyones business, noimsayin?\" What do you guys think? Depending on her reply, I'd probably try to slide into asking her to dinner, then netflix and chill or smth.", "answer": "Thing is, if you send that text, she probably won't be jumping in bed with you again (I certainly wouldn't) and ... bonus ... it's really likely the group *will* find out and I don't think you'll come out looking well.\n\nSo literally this will have the exact opposite effect you want. No sex, friends in your business.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4i4t9v", "comment_id": "d2v5814"}, {"question": "Simple, easy technique explained by Dr. Harry Barry to reduce the severity of panic attacks", "description": "See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze9mfIBn62E\n\nThe title is \"Zeminar Presents Harry Barry | **Banish Panic Attacks for Life**\"\n\nIt is counter-inituitive and might sound offensive at first, but he's a well-known expert.\n\nThis is his other video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Un_Ykh9y9Q", "answer": "He's always half completely right and half completely wrong. His ideas are sound at first but his application isn't what evidence or personal experience show to be accurate. \n\nYes you can't run from anxiety and expect it to decrease the next time. No, believing you aren't that important isn't going to decrease social anxiety. It will increase it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ezmuef", "comment_id": "fgpjk2r"}, {"question": "Lack of identity", "description": "I never even realized I had this problem, I guess I'm too narcissistic to of realized. My psychiatrist said today that I need a purpose and an identity and he placed an emphasis on working and I have taken the advice of this subreddit and decided on something simple just to get me out of the house but my problem is I don't have to work and I get bored of the same thing.\n\nMy physical apearance needs working on which I have made a goal of doing.\nI just don't understand the concept of gaining an identity, it feels undoable.\nI don't know what to do, do I just dress myself up a certain way and get a job? Is it really that simple....\nI feel so neurologically impaired because I have seen other cluster b people and there is a layer of depth to their emotions and personality just missing and I don't know how to develop that in myself, it's like it will never be there.\nI'm lazy, self centered a lot of the time which I have been in denial about.\nI've learnt I can't develop a healthy amount of cognitive empathy it's just not something I can train myself to do. \n\nI don't know what to do and I have never known what to do to try improve.", "answer": "I think part of having bpd is not knowing who you are...but that doesn't mean you aren't somebody. Do you journal? Try Journaling your thoughts, your day to day, your interactions with others. This will help keep a record of well, you! And will help set you on the right path to finding your identity ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31qg8w", "comment_id": "cq41zyo"}, {"question": "I have to plan my whole day around one event at the end of the day", "description": "Hey guys! I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this.  So basically let\u2019s say I\u2019m going out to dinner with someone one night.  If I have to go anywhere else it gives me extreme anxiety because I feel like I\u2019m not supposed to do anything else until the dinner.  Like I\u2019m supposed to prioritize it and that if I were to leave the house at 9 in the morning to go grocery shopping or go to a doctors appointment, that may somehow interfere with being able to get to my dinner at 6pm (which it won\u2019t).  Is this relatable for anyone? ", "answer": "YES! Most definitely can relate.  I think other people notice this about me and seem so confused as to why I do this.  I understand you and you are not alone. :) I'm really glad you mentioned this actually because it validated my own experience a ton.\n\n​", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "awipt1", "comment_id": "ehncx1n"}, {"question": "DAE think of leaving subtle \"clues\" to your BPD instead of talking about it?", "description": "Basically, there are lots of times where I don't feel like I can bring stuff up to my boyfriend when I am having issues. It's nothing he's done, I'm just afraid I'm going to be too negative and push him away. \n\nI feel like if I directly said the things I'm having problems with, he would leave me because he would get sick if it.\n\nSo sometimes I think like \"oh what if I wrote a really concerning diary entry about wanting to off myself and conveniently left my diary open so he would see it\" sort of thing. It's like I'm inadvertently trying to make everything about me. But I don't want to directly tell him and make him concerned. I want to do something like I said above so he thinks \"omg she didn't tell me this she must really be hurting right now\".\n\nIt's almost like I don't want to SAY anything to get the attention I want, but I want to drop majorly obvious hints (like the diary thing) and act like I never wanted him to find out (even though that's my main goal). It just feels like I've talked about my problems so much so I want him to be scared for me and be actually concerned and flustered over making sure I am okay. But then I don't go through with it because I feel I'm being too selfish and ridiculous.", "answer": "Thaaaaaaats manipulation! Unfortunately. Try to be direct and you will get results. Trying to beat around the bush just makes something that's realty hard to understand even harder to understand ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8s97y4", "comment_id": "e0xic4j"}, {"question": "Am I [24f] settling for this new guy I'm dating?", "description": "So, I recently got out of a 3 year long difficult relationship. I'm one of those people that's never single for more than about 3 weeks. After this last relationship ended, I really wanted to be alone and just recover and find myself. But then this guy comes along. I've known him since I was about 15 and we've always been friends and we've been hanging out a bit and talking lately. We started to have feelings for each other and I thought maybe I should finally give this a shot. BUT he's almost 30, works an under the table paying job that he hates, lives with his mom, has a bit of a record (got kicked out of the Navy, etc.) and barely has any education (just high school). I'm currently a college student living on my own and work full-time. He's a nice guy and treats me good and has always been a great friend but I'm thinking I can probably do better? Am I being too vain for saying that? I really am falling for him and he tells me he's falling in love with me but I just can't shake this feeling that maybe I just want too much? My last bf barely spoke English and was not bright at all. I'm not the smartest person either but I would at least like to find a guy that has some sort of education on his belt and is able to contribute in intelligent conversations. My ex couldn't hold up a conversation about ANYTHING. It was like talking to a wall. This new guy at least talks to me but says strange things sometimes that makes me question his intelligence. Is there such thing as being TOO picky with dating when it comes to just wanting a decent smart guy that I won't feel embarrassed if I bring them around friends and family?", "answer": "If you're never single for more than 3 weeks, it means you have trouble being alone. Which means you're not selective. [If you're starving, Mcdonald's tastes pretty good!]  What you should do, is NOT have a bf for a while and really THINK carefully about what your needs and wants are.  You could even make a list.  Then, when a new guy comes along, you can see how he stacks up to your list, and you'll know right away whether you're settling or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78g3jr", "comment_id": "dotm6gd"}, {"question": "Sobriety...Dealing with buried emotions/traumas.", "description": "Being sober for a few days now has been a painful experience. I used to deal with pain by just getting high, and I'm realizing now how out of touch with my own emotions I am. There are a lot of things in my life I need to deal with. There are a lot of people who I should have kicked out of my life a long time ago. Weed made my reality seem ok, when in reality it was far from ok. \nWith all of with these painful emotions bubbling to the surface, I realize how much I have abandoned myself in favour of temporary relief from drugs.\nI don't ever want to do this to myself again.\n", "answer": "One metaphor I heard early on that spoke to me was this one:\n\nAddiction is like we're driving along in a van and each time we run into something we don't want to deal with - the phone bill we haven't paid yet, this nagging feeling of lonliness, that sense of guilt over using - we throw it into the back of the van. For days, weeks, months, years, we drive around, each time just throwing whatever we think we can't handle into the back. Then, we stop using, and it's like we've suddenly slammed on the brakes - all that shit comes flying forward at once.\n\n\nAnother similar metaphor I got from a therapist I worked with was also helpful:\n\nImagine you're driving a bus. All your thoughts, feelings, memories, etc are passengers on the bus. The difficult ones are like troublesome passengers - we don't want to look at them, feel them, remember them, we just want them to go to the back of the bus and stay there. But they keep coming to the front and threatening us, so we do whatever it takes to get them to go away, turn left, turn right, blow through the stop light, etc. Except the more we avoid looking them, the scarier they can become. What we need to remember is that *we* are the ones driving, not them.\n\nI'm glad to hear your desire not to abandon yourself. The good news is, you don't have to do this alone! There is lots of help available, in here, in various recovery programs, and in the offices of mental health professionals. Good luck and don't give up! It will get easier with time.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4bup1l", "comment_id": "d1crf9f"}, {"question": "Friend in her 30's has started stealing...why?", "description": "My oldest friend and i had a few drinks last night and she told me that she started stealing from department stores about 3 months ago. She doesnt need what she steals she does it because she can. She said its not even exciting. I was shocked, she has a good job and alot going for her. Can any therapist shed some light on why she has started doing this? Shes in her 30's! \n\nThanks", "answer": "Without a comprehensive diagnostic assessment, it is impossible to say what is motivating this behavior. There are so many unknown factors, from potential recent stressors to potential childhood trauma and everything in between, that would all need to be examined. However, I would encourage your friend to meet with a therapist. While we don\u2019t know why, she is definitely engaging in risky behavior that could have an enormously negative impact on her life. I would express your concern and offer to help her find a local therapist. If other friends or family are also aware of her behavior, you could enlist their help/suggest that they have a similar conversation with her about their concerns and encourage therapy. \n\nGood luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4wf5c", "comment_id": "es707rd"}, {"question": "How to convince very sick patient to ditch alternative medicine for a real doctor", "description": "Hi Ask Docs, I'm seeking some advice and don't know where to turn. Maybe you can help. \n\nMy brother (38 m white) is having trouble with eating and digestion. He believes in natural rather than processed foods, eats a lot of saturated fats: butter, fatty meats, etc. He also takes supplements like cod liver oil, kelp, colostrum, and others. **In the last year, after he eats he often feels very bad and says the food doesn\u2019t sit well with him. This worsened over the past four months and he's hardly been eating or drinking, and has become gravely ill. He lost 30 lbs. He\u2019s 5\u201911\u201d and weighs 120lb.**\n\n**For the last 4 weeks, he has been in a barely functioning state--lying in bed nearly all day.** He eats and drinks very little. He gets dizzy walking 100 feet. He's so out of sorts he has trouble tying his shoes. He says his swallowing isn't so good. **He has to be very careful drinking water, and today he nearly started choking from drinking water and went into a terrible coughing fit. He recently tried to take a bath but the hot water somehow made him feel very ill afterwards.**\n\n**The problem is he absolutely won\u2019t see a regular doctor or a specialist.** He\u2019s a staunch believer in alternative medicine and diets (despite coming from a suburban family that has benefited from modern medicine). **He makes a living writing about curing illnesses with food and other natural remedies and sells alternative medicine supplements online.** He\u2019s gone to just about every kind of alternative doctor you can name - acupuncture, Reiki, herbalist, homeopathy, naturopathic dr, etc. He is convinced this is all a nervous system problem-- his nervous system is malfunctioning. **He's convinced the cause is Mercury Poisoning, affecting his vagas nerve, which in turn affects his throat and other areas.** He\u2019s taken a course of homeopathic pills that are said to be for Mercury Poisoining for 12 weeks but they didn't do anything. He misleadingly claims this and other approaches help him, but he hasn't materially gotten better in weeks--rather gotten worse as evidenced by worse coughing, more tiredness/weakness, etc. \n\nHe has a wife and 2 kids (14 and 10). His wife is a total enabler, and while she recognizes his poor health she won't take act in a way that contradicts his beliefs i.e. taking him to a regular doctor or even providing him conventional medications instead of alternative ones. It reminds me of Steve Jobs, who was diagnosed with cancer, but refused the appropriate treatment despite pleas from close friends and family.\n\nMy family has PLEADED with him to see a doctor, but he refuses. In many ways he's intentionally rejected the western lifestyle, so it's hard to convince him to do this. When we encourage him to consider conventional health decisions, he avoids, downplays, denies, lies, argues, gets angry and manipulates--ultimately says he's taking the right medical steps. **He literally told me, \"that coughing fit with water felt like it was restricting some of the air in my breathing tube momentarily but it's ok, that's what happens in my state, I just need to be more careful when I drink water.\" I was shocked.**\n\nWe try and try but he doesn't seem to budge. So I would really appreciate some help from the good folks here. What can we do to help him? How do we convince him to get medical help before it\u2019s too late??? ", "answer": "Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do. Assuming he has capacity to make decisions regarding his welfare, then he is entitled to make misjudgements.\n\nOn the other hand, there might come a point that he is so unwell that his capacity is affected, and then others can intervene on a best interests principle. Though if there is an advance statement or a partner with similar views, then it is less likely.\n\nI don't think there is a mental health aspect unless his beliefs are driven by delusional ideation.\n\nIts extremely difficult to watch close ones slowly die in front of you, but its their life, not ours.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5drz8y", "comment_id": "da8568p"}, {"question": "What has wellbutrin done to me?", "description": "This is a rather long story but I need to say it all so you can get my mindset. Back in November 2017, I was having trouble coping with things in my life, so when I went to see my doctor for a refill for my luvox, she increased the dosage (The luvox I've been taking for six years for depression, anxiety and OCD), as well as starting me on wellbutrin. The next few days though, after I started these changes, I became increasingly sad and started having depressing thoughts concerning death and aging. I guess about four days after I started the wellbutrin, this increasing sadness culminated in a full-blown panic attack (The first I've ever had), in which I was convinced I ruined my life, my life was a waste, I had to spend as much time with the people I knew before they died (which felt really soon), that I felt extremely old (I'm 29), my mother was going to pass away very soon (she's 63), and I became just overall absolutely TERRIFIED of death. I had NEVER felt this way towards death and aging in my life. At most, I was disappointed that I didn't look young anymore. That's it. I used to feel like I had all the time in the world, and death seemed so far away, and I handled the passings of friends and family members just how everyone else does. Not anymore after my panic attack.I called up my old counselor and scheduled an appointment. She told me to speak to my doctor. By the time I got around to seeing my doctor again (About a week after I started the wellbutrin), the thoughts had become so intense and debilitating that I had, for the first time, wanted to end my life just to stop the pain. It was that bad. With my doctor's urging, I went to the ER of the hospital next door. There, I met a doctor, who brought me further into the hospital where eventually I met a psychotherapist. She said I was going to have to go to a psychiatric hospital while I felt suicidal (I'm about 99% convinced I would've been committed if I had said no, but that's beside the point).So, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. No one there diagnosed me with anything or really brought up a solution to my problem of getting rid of those thoughts; they were mainly concerned with helping us patients cope with the events in our lives that brought us there. But for me, of course, it wasn't a life event so much as a pharmaceutical fuck-up. The most anyone did was one of the psychiatrists try starting me on abilify since he didn't want to try another anti-depressant. The abilify gave me energy and made me optimistic, but it did nothing about my thoughts, and I still felt like my life was a waste up to that point. I didn't feel like myself at all. But I did feel hopeful and not suicidal anymore, so I was let go.The next few months were kind of a blur. I had a new energy but I was still haunted by these thoughts. I forget why, but at some point I stopped taking the abilify, and I lost that energy and hopefulness, but the intensity of the thoughts receded. I felt like myself again, with the lessened intensity of the thoughts. It seemed like a good enough trade-off. In February, after being forced to wait over a month because of high demand or whatever, I finally started seeing a psychiatrist as part of the out-patient therapy. My thoughts had gone to the back of my head, since things in my real life were taking precedent. My psychiatrist was helpful with the handling of these matters.But once they were taken care of, I realized I still wasn't happy, I still wasn't hopeful, and I still wasn't  fully myself. Because those thoughts were still there. I told her about this in our last meeting at the end of April, and in hindsight I don't think she quite understood what I was trying to say. She kept talking about how depression and its causes, but what happened to me wasn't really depression-related I dont think. She started me on zoloft and gave me a mild anxiety agent, but after three weeks of taking them, I felt no change at all aside from decreased sex drive.So last week, when I realized what she gave me wasn't working and I still wasn't anywhere close to getting better, I started feeling panicky and hopeless, so I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor (I'm never seeing the one who started this mess again) since I'd have to wait three weeks to see my psychiatrist again. Basically, all he did was tell me to stop taking the zoloft and the anxiety agent since they weren't working (And I've done so) and give me amitriptyline, since the only antipsychotic he could prescribe as a family doctor, seroquel, would interact with the luvox I still need to take. So far I've felt no change with the amitriptyline.\n\nSo this is why I'm here. Not a SINGLE person I've spoken to in this entire process has diagnosed me, told me exactly what's wrong, or given me a solid treatment plan to get better. I still have no idea, over half a year later, what went wrong or how I can get better. Not a clue. All anyone has ever done was refer me to someone else, or try throwing a random medication at me to see if it would \"do the job\". Not one person has stepped forward to actually do the work to help me get better. In hindsight, I don't think my psychiatrist has any idea what I'm trying to say after numerous attempts of trying to tell her, I think she thinks I'm 'merely' depressed and sad about mortality, which isn't really the case at all. I've had 29 years to develop my feelings on these things, and the terrorizing feelings that have been played in my head since November aren't them. They're exhausting, irrational and terrifying, and I'm desperate to go back to normal. And I've talked about this to SO many people, friends and family, and also try rationalizing in my head what I want to think and feel, but none of that works, so please don't recommend counseling, I'm very certain this is past that and its a psychiatric issue. Some of my normal thinking does comes through here and there, usually for a few minutes. Last week there was about half an hour where I felt 90% normal again, and I was able to think about these things rationally, but that soon subsided. I did sort-of feel a little like myself the first day after starting the amitriptyline, but not fully so, like I did for that half an hour last week. And the next day it was back to the terror as usual. So please, anyone reading this, please tell me what you think is wrong and what you think can help me. I of course will be seeing my psychiatrist again in two weeks, and will fully go by her recommendations and instructions, but I just need SOMETHING to hold me over in the meantime, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I'm so utterly disappointed in the medical \"professionals\" I've seen since November in their lack of knowledge, confidence and comfort in treating me and my condition (whatever it is). I just need a ray of hope right now to try and get me through this, because this isn't living. I just want my life back.\n\nRequired info:  I'm 29, 5'4, 169 pounds, male, never smoked. Before November, only suffered from diagnosed depression, anxiety, OCD and mild autism.\n\n7/20/2018 UPDATE: Well as it turns out the wellbutrin brought on psychosis by increasing my dopamine levels, it actually isn't that complicated what happened to me, I just had to find the right doctor who would listen to me and take me seriously. I'm almost 100% back to the way I was taking anti-psychotics. I'll just leave this here if if this happens to anyone in the future. And people, if something a doctor or who you're confiding with says just doesn't sound right, keep searching until you find someone who will say something that does. Doctors aren't infallible.", "answer": "It sounds like depression, but more severe than it was before. The difficulty with depression is that we don't really have good ways to diagnose the different processes in the brain that give rise to it. We can only recognize the symptoms and hope that it will respond to treatment, and there isn't really a better way than trying medications that often work and hoping that you're in the group that improves. Luvox, Zoloft, and amitriptyline are fine choices. Augmenting with Wellbutrin or Abilify makes sense. I'm sorry it hasn't worked. There's genetic testing available to try to guide medications, but the jury is still out on how helpful that is.\n\n The way you describe it, things were getting worse, you started taking Wellbutrin, and things kept getting worse and have stayed worse, with or without the Wellbutrin. From your timeline I'm less inclined to blame the medication and leaning more towards this being some change in the depression, although of course there's no way to truly know.\n\nAfter multiple medications didn't work, it's \"treatment\\-resistant depression.\" For one thing, there are treatments other than what you've used. SNRIs, for example. Thyroid hormone, buspirone, lithium, lamotrigine. TMS or eventually ECT, if you choose. It's miserable to have to go through multiple treatments, but you're far from exhausting everything. Explain the story so far to your psychiatrist and hopefully you can move forward and find something that will help you feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n53yj", "comment_id": "dzt1jkh"}, {"question": "The more I \u201ctry\u201d the worse I get?", "description": "Can someone explain to me why it\u2019s harder now that I ... want this more?\n\nI remember about 3 years ago I cut back on my drinking.  A lot.  I just... didn\u2019t need it or want it or think about it.\n\nThen the second kid comes and the bad coping comes with it.  But he\u2019s two now.  So.\n\nI find this subreddit, I have enough knowledge of how much alcohol is awful- read the books, focused on it.\n\nAnd then I end up quitting a few days then bingeing like crazy.  I puked on Saturday from booze.  \u201cThis is the last time\u201d- somehow, deciding to extinguish this? Has made my drinking worse.\n\nI\u2019m a chronic badge reset.  I keep coming back.  I hear all the tools I need to be successful.  90 meetings in 90 days, play the tape forward, etc.  a ton of valid valuable content ON this sub, ON the podcasts I listen to, IN the books I read...\n\nBut then I absolutely panic? And cave!? Or sweat and nearly cave?\n\nSomeone? Please.  Explain it to me.  Why.\n\nI\u2019ve quit off and on before but the idea of \u201cforever\u201d\nBrings the worst drinker out in me.", "answer": "Hi. Lots of good advice already  i saw one thing in your post that i connected with. You said you had a second child and though he/she is older now this seems to have been a trigger? I have 3 beautiful children and my drinking etc got worse as the number of kids increased. Binges for me rather than daily drinking but it was creeping up. Anyway ..... my point is parenting is a priviledge, and its tough ! I needed lots of support and help, time to myself, time with partner etc to help me. Maybe you need more help etc, and maybe this could help with your journey. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8jtbav", "comment_id": "dz2i3g5"}, {"question": "I read that psychopaths sometimes love their children because they view them as extensions of themselves. Do people that have to deal with self-hate hate their children?", "description": "I am always filled with self-loathe, especially at my physical appearance, and I can't help but think if I had a child then I would hate that child too because it's my DNA. But the thing is I don't think that negatively of my parents, even though I'm their offspring. But I also am nothing like them, in behavior or physical appearance.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s more simply: the mind with which you judge yourself is the mind with which you judge others, and vice versa. The same tendencies for judgment arise.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7wne8v", "comment_id": "du2pu3f"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "I have never been to therapy.  I know I need it.  Forgive my ignorance, I\u2019ve never been to this sub before either. \n\nI was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until I left without a word 8 months ago.  I have heard of so called \u201cChristian therapy\u201d but I know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice.  \n\nI guess I\u2019m technically an agnostic now but Im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. Very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.\n\nMy issue is I don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. Not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, I mean I don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on Sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church.    \n\nIs this an appropriate ask? How would I go about this?", "answer": "Any good therapist will be able to separate out their own religious/spiritual beliefs from their view of you and how they work to help you.  It sounds like you understand that though.  There are plenty of awful therapists out there who incorporate too much of their religious views/spirituality whether it be more traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs or alt-medicine pseudoscience stuff (one of my supervisees simply refers to it as \"woo\").  \n\n\nWhile it never guarantees a good therapist, you've probably got a better chance of NOT encountering one of these types of bad therapists if you find someone who identifies similarly as you do.  \n\n\nIt's never inappropriate to ask for what you want in a therapist.  If you're going to a larger agency, it might not be a guarantee they have somebody that matches your preference or even that they end up assigning you to somebody with your preference, but you always have the right to ask.  If you're able, your best bet is finding someone in private practice and asking some of these questions in the initial phone call before your first appointment.  \n\n\nTo play devil's advocate though, I bet it would be extremely helpful and healing (albeit very difficult) for you to work with a GOOD therapist who does belong to a religion you're prejudiced against.  \n\nFor this very reason, as a therapist, I'm taking a big training on Hypnosis.  I'd put this in the woo category of therapies.  I don't believe it's very useful and am skeptical about the research surrounding it, but that's specifically why I'm taking the training.  I could go to all the Existential Therapy/SFBT/MI/CBT workshops I could find that will just tell me what I want to hear, reinforce what I'm doing is good, and I'll feel good but gain very little in the ways of new knowledge.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "eu2s3bi"}, {"question": "I am at the lowest point in my life right now, I don't know what to do anymore...", "description": "I just finished my fist semester of college and am so far gone that I didn't socialize AT ALL. I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend or a job and I only have 3 friends... I'm overweight, and am the most self judgemental, awkwardly anti social person you will ever meet. I have been extremely depressed lately mostly because of how alone I feel. I feel like nobody cares that I even exist or would care if I just disappeard. I'm a failure at socializing. I have ZERO confidence to the point that I can't even look people in the eyes. I need some words of advice, something... anything I'm at my lowest of low please PEASE help me.", "answer": "See a counselor :) Most colleges have free counseling centers, and a counselor will be able to help you out big time.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2u6yhn", "comment_id": "co5w2fu"}, {"question": "I'm a mtf transgender woman on hormone therapy. I'm afraid that surgery I had as a youngster is making breast development on one side impossible.", "description": "When I was an adolescent, I grew a hard lump on my chest beneath the nipple. Bring a cis male little boy as far as the rest of the world was concerned, my parents took me to a doctor who performed surgery and found it to be a cyst in the undeveloped breast tissue.\n\nThis was a long time ago, so I honestly haven't given the event any thought in years.\n\nI'm on hormones now, and despite many changes in my mind and body, one thing that hasn't changed is one side of my chest. It's not just that there's small or minimal development; I know that breasts can bud and develop at an uneven pace sometimes. It's that I'm not feeling any of the physical precursors that I felt and have been feeling on the other side. It's the same flat, minimally sensitive piece of anatomy that it's always been.\n\nSo now I have to ask the question: What exactly was done to that side of my chest? Is it possible that, in removing the cyst, the doc also removed any breast tissue that could have ever developed? If that is what happened, is there any chance of growth or recovery due to my hormone treatment, or do I need to get prepared for the idea of cosmetic surgery to fix the issue?\n\nI was never excited about the idea of breast implants, but now I am at least halfway convinced. Hey-o\n\nEDIT: More info, you say?\n\nThe cyst removal occured when I was in the 13/14 year old range. I'm now 33. I've been on hormones for almost a year. Breast development began maybe four months ago\n\nSo, yes, it's early for me to start losing hope. The other side might just be taking its sweet time. I'm open to that.\n\nAs for what exactly the doc did, I'll have to find the records, like one comment suggested. Neither of my parents recall the event with much clarity, and while they do have a name for the doctor who did the surgery, he has since passed and the practice hasn't been around for awhile, at least not in the location I remember. But the records must be somewhere, right?\n\nLastly, yes I'm going to see my doctor about this soon. However, I don't think it's any secret that being in a doctor's examination room in your underwear can erode on your ability to engage in a meaningful discussion with them about all the possibilities behind a medical issue, so I wanted to have a sense of what our talk might be like. No one wants to get sideswiped by a diagnosis of 'one-titty-itis'.", "answer": "Any commentary opposing or disparaging transgender people or transitioning will result in summary bans. This is not an open forum to debate it. This is your only warning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dylfm1", "comment_id": "f82sg1b"}, {"question": "How is it possible for someone to be aware they are delusional?", "description": "In various mental health related subreddits, I've seen people talk about their delusions.  How is this possible?\n\nEvery source I come across describes a delusion as a fixed false belief that cannot be changed no matter what contradictory arguments are presented.\n\nIf someone is aware that they are delusional, then it's *not* a \"fixed false belief\".  Or am I misunderstanding something fundamental?\n\nI'm confused because I have a number of beliefs I've identified as \"pseudo delusions\" - things that I know most people would categorize as delusions, but feel extremely compelling to me regardless.\n\nDoes the fact that I know they're not rational mean they're not delusions?  Or does the fact that they're so compelling for me mean that they are?\n\nSeriously confused here.", "answer": "You attempt to gain evidence that the delusions are false. Challenge the delusion.  I'm guessing that is what a lot of people you have been reading about have done.  Either that or they have entered a psychosis of sorts, and then when they come out of it they realize what they were thinking was a delusion.  For instance, I work with one individual with Schizophrenia and he is non-delusional right now and can tell you all of his past delusions.  While, I work with another individual with Schizophrenia and he is actively delusional so he believes everything he thinks.  This is a very black and white example for simplification.  Some individuals who have non-bizarre delusions, you can help them collect evidence against the delusion and eradicate that thought.  I should advise, challenging delusions should be done **with the help of a licensed professional**.  Challenging them alone can be very difficult if not impossible and also you can accidentally end up perpetuation your own delusion.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s1hjp", "comment_id": "cnli8br"}, {"question": "Wheelchair users, how do you go over people's houses/apartments if they don't have elevators and there are about two flights of stairs up?", "description": "Older apartments don't have elevators if they're less than three or four stories tall. How do you manage?  My partner has been able to slowly crawl up the stairs but is there any better way?", "answer": "Well, my SO is staying over for a week (we're long-distance) and I can't move right now to a place that's more accessible.. :/ any ideas? It's about 21 steps up.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "3m0fj8", "comment_id": "cvbbg1a"}, {"question": "Is it ok to game while studying on Ritalin?", "description": "I'm taking Ritalin to study and I feel like I need a break. Would it be a bad idea to play a game and then go back to studying?\n\nMy friends thinks it's all I'll think about because it raises my dopamine levels, or something.", "answer": "Uh, no. I am gaming on vyvanse right now. The only problem is you may never get back to work. Case in point, I meant to start a paper there days ago but started Assassins creed origins instead. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7npneo", "comment_id": "ds3yuhb"}, {"question": "haven\u2019t self harmed for all of 2019. just sat with the knife in my hand for 15 minutes and it took everything in me to put it away.", "description": "tonight\u2019s the closest i\u2019ve gotten to relapsing. i\u2019m terrified that it\u2019s bound to happen eventually anyways, but i\u2019m proud of myself for getting through one more night.", "answer": "WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83c\udf7e\ud83e\udd42\ud83c\udf89\u2728\ud83c\udf86\ud83e\udd47\ud83c\udfc6\n  You put away!  Don't focus on how far you think you may still have to go, focus on how far you have come.      Even if you had acted, you still made it 8 FREAKING MONTHS WITHOUT ACTING! THAT IS HUGE\n\nI  am so happy for you, I am literally tearing up at work", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cww955", "comment_id": "eyi5vid"}, {"question": "Update: EBV situation with psychiatrist and Valtrex, now have lab results", "description": "36, Male, 6'2\", 230 lbs\n\n​\n\nI got the labs today and makes me worried:\n\n[https://imgur.com/a/BfD9aY4](https://imgur.com/a/BfD9aY4)\n\nWould this change previous advice I got?\n\n/u/FMdocTX\n\n/u/brugada\n\n/u/thebighead\n\n​\n\nPrevious post:\n\n[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/akwund/psychiatrist\\_says\\_i\\_have\\_acute\\_and\\_reactivated/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/akwund/psychiatrist_says_i_have_acute_and_reactivated/)", "answer": "Blaming EBV for all kinds of neuropsychiatric oddities is apparently the newest fad in pseudomedicine. Your psychiatrist apparently has gone rogue in a number of ways from standards of care.\n\nThis is a messy situation, but I would discuss with your PCP, who is better equipped to manage EBV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "al7c8q", "comment_id": "efbin4f"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has felt \"lonely in the relationship\" for about a year now, we still can't figure out why", "description": "My girlfriend of 3.5 years has continually told me she's felt lonely in our relationship and generally like there's a divide/wall between us for about a year now. It's been hurting her and has been very emotionally taxing and frustrating to me. She tells me she feels like I'm distancing myself from her or that I have some grandiose issue with her I'm not bringing up that's causing it.\n\nI, of course, don't feel the same way. I don't feel I'm distancing myself, putting a wall between us, or any other vague terminology she can come up with. There's no bad will on my end or anything that would cause what she's describing. I feel pretty open with her and I feel I'm there for her in general and support her quite a lot.\n\nThe frustrating part is that I ask her whenever she brings it up \"what do I do to make you feel this way\" or some variation of it. Not a single time have I gotten an answer that didn't just prompt the same question. Literally:\n\n* Hey what do I do to make you feel this way\n* You put a wall between us!\n* What do I do to make you feel that way\n* You distance yourself emotionally\n* In what way\n* By not being open with me\n* I am open with you, what do I do to make you feel otherwise\n* [she changes the subject]\n\nIt's very frustrating because she doesn't seem to have a single clue as to why she feels this way. I feel I'm open, close, and generally there for her. There's no rhyme or reason to it, we'll have an amazing week together relaxing and going to nice restaurants and have an amazing time together all week then she'll get EXTREMELY upset over this feeling. Not once has she told me anything I do to make her feel this way.\n\nIt wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so insistent on there being a problem on my end I'm not owning up to. She refuses to acknowledge the possibility that hey, maybe there's some kind of misunderstanding between us and not necessarily a big issue I'm not telling you about. It's frustrating because she's taking her feelings as fact when I'm not actually distancing myself from her in any way.\n\nWhat should I do here? I love her, but this is honestly hurting our relationship. She gets angry at me when I'm just like \"Hey man I don't understand what you mean by \"building a wall between us\", I can't do anything unless you tell me what specifically makes you feel this way\". She keeps putting the pressure on me to \"figure it out\" despite there being absolutely no way for me to figure it out because there is no \"wall\" and there is no \"distance\".\n\nIt's just very frustrating. It's like if I told you \"I'm sad at you\" and just wouldn't tell you what you did to make me sad. If I don't know why I'm sad, I'm not gonna bring it up with you and expect you to know why. She literally does not know what I do to make her feel lonely and I don't see how she could possibly feel that way either when we spend most of our waking time together.", "answer": "She could have depression, unrelated to the relationship. Maybe see a therapist together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70glea", "comment_id": "dn2yn6b"}, {"question": "What Help is available through the NHS in the U.K. To stop smoking cannabis.", "description": "I have been smoking for 20 plus years and need help to quit, I have tried traditional methods 100 times over and nothing has even helped..so decided to visit the doctor.\n\nThe doctor didn't seem trained or equipped to handle something like this and responded with \"have you tried cutting down\" that's it and seem to want me out as quick as possible....just to outline I have a good job and was impeccably presented that day in a suit as it was in between appointments, I don't look like the average I would say. \n\nThat felt like a slap in the face....I guess like saying to someone with depression, have you tried being happy or just snapping out of it, or to someone over weight have you tried portion control or eating less.\n\nI Just wondered if there is anymore help available and If i have a crap doctor, or they just generally don't have the training or knowledge to help as they seemed very uninterested and I felt as though I had forgotten more than she knew on the subject.\n\nAny help gladly received", "answer": "UK addictions psychiatrist here.\n\nWhich part of the UK are you (the provision of addictions services are surprisingly varied)?\n\nIn practice, it is about graded reduction of consumption of cannbinoids. Biologically speaking, theres no medication or substitute prescribing necessary to come off cannabis.\n\nOn the other hand, there's the psychological aspects of addiction, and you might find the supports available for nicotine smoking to be useful. Also finding a way to fill the time when you smoked is useful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x5vgj", "comment_id": "degzfaq"}, {"question": "Autism-Test questions", "description": "Before I was diagnosed, I did some online tests to see if my suspicion had any ground in reality. Those tests really freaked me out though, because the test questions were so hard for me to grasp, could be interpreted in several ways. \nI now know more about how these questions were intended, and I want to share that knowledge (on my blog: http://imnototherwisespecified.blogspot.com/)\n\nSo my question to you is: which questions did you find particularly confusing? \n(Links to tests can be found here: http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/tkqs8/online_asd_tests_shall_we_compare_scores/)", "answer": "Oddly enough, because of the way these sorts of tests are constructed, it doesn't matter if you understand, are confused by, or even if the test creators understand exactly WHY you answer a question in a particular way.\n\nSure, they pick questions that think may obviously distinguish someone with asperger's from someone without it, but ultimately, you score higher on the test when you score similarly to thousands of people with confirmed asperger's diagnoses who took the test before it was released and then had their scores averaged to create a response pattern that is most typical of those with asperger's syndrome.\n\nso, whether the questions are confusing or not, if a test has enough questions, and it has been \"normed\" by enough test takers, it should be accurate.\n\nThis is a gross oversimplification, and I know you didn't directly doubt the accuracy of the test in your original post, but well... I will use my asperger's as an excuse...\n\nover and out.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ucpml", "comment_id": "c4viq8a"}, {"question": "Exposure Therapy: Day 2", "description": "I don't want to fill this place up with constant updates so if this gets a little spammy I'll make this thing not daily. But thanks to everyone who commented on day one, it has really helped push me to do another day :D\n\nI'm going to do all of the same exposures as yesterday, but I'm going to ramp them up a little. \n\n**Exposure 1:** I'm going back to that book shop, and this time I'm not going home until I've asked someone for help. Again, my anxiety is telling me they will be annoyed at me for inconveniencing them. Last time I couldn't find anyone to help me as they were busy serving customers, but to be honest, I could have done more. There is a second floor to this shop, and I didn't check up there just in case there was someone who I could've asked. Today I'm asking someone for help no matter what.\n\n**Exposure 2:** On the way there I'm going to drop things in front of people again, however this time I'm going to focus on attractive people, young people, and people I know. I'm going to count down from 3 in my head, then drop my keys on 1. My anxiety is telling me they will laugh at me or tease me or call me names for being so clumsy. My fear is slightly reduced when I think about yesterday's results. Nobody cared, or they didn't want me to be embarrassed. Maybe I'll get the same results today.\n\n**Exposure 3:** I'm going to try and pay for something with the wrong amount of money again. Last time I did it in a place I felt relatively comfortable. I go to McDonalds all the time so it wasn't as anxiety provoking. This time I'm going to do it in a slightly less safe place. Maybe the dreaded Subway? Last time the girl at the register didn't berate me, she seemed really friendly about it. My anxiety is telling me that this was a rare exception, and everyone else will mock me. Let's see if that's true.\n\n**Results**\n\n**Exposure 1 Result:** I walked into the bookshop and felt a lot calmer than I did yesterday. I still felt a little weird and my heart started to beat faster and faster and I could feel sweat building on my forehead. I took in a deep breath and told myself I was here yesterday and came to no harm - I'm okay. I then abandoned my mind and stopped thinking, I just listened to the sounds around me again and my heart rate calmed down. I looked over at the register and I saw two people working. There was a girl serving at the counter, and a guy who served at the counter when it got busy, but kept going back to unpack some boxes. There were way less people than there were yesterday. I knew I'd have an opportunity to ask for help today.\n\nI walked closer to the register and then bailed. I pretended I wanted to look at something else. While I was there I heard the girl at the register talking to a customer. She said \"Hi there, can I help at all?\" - probably what she was told to say, but she sounded genuinely friendly and that put my mind at ease a little bit. But still, I couldn't do it. I walked out the shop and was frustrated at myself. I thought \"I *really* need to be able to ask for help when I need it,\" and I turned back to the bookshop, and walked back in.\n\nI walked up to the guy unpacking boxes and felt like this was the perfect chance to talk to him - he was busy so I'd have to inconvenience him, there was nobody else around wanting to talk to him, and he was right next to me. \"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find a book,\" I said. He asked me what it was called and I told him, and he knew exactly what he was talking about, walked over to the shelf, grabbed it, and handed it to me with a smile. I thanked him, and he said it was no problem at all. I felt amazing, but then I realized I had another trial... I had to pay for the thing.\n\nI walked up to the girl at the register and handed her the book, and she was really, really friendly. I didn't just stand in silence as usual, we actually had a little conversation about the book - how she hadn't read anything by the same author. The guy chimed in as well. It was just a really nice interaction. I wasn't judged, I wasn't made to feel guilty for anything - in fact I was made to feel welcome and wanted. I want to go back to that shop. What a complete 180.\n\nI left the shop feeling completely amazing, honestly. I'm not going to enter a stage of denial - I am *not* cured and I still have social anxiety disorder, and I still have a long way to go. But this counts for something, and I feel like I've just conquered Everest. \n\n**Exposure 2 Result:** On the way to the shop I dropped my keys again, multiple times, on purpose. I didn't see anybody I knew, but there were plenty of teenagers and school kids. This was really hard for me to do, I wasn't just imagining them pointing and laughing at me, I could almost hear it. The first group I targeted was one guy about my age, with two slightly older adults. I dropped my keys near them, picked them up, and looked at the group. The guy my age and one of the older ones weren't phased - they continued their conversation. The other one was looking at me as I stood up, but as soon as he saw me look back at him, he looked away. He clearly didn't feel the need to tell his friends about my misfortune, he didn't laugh, he just looked away and continued his conversation.\n\nEveryone else was pretty much the same. Some people looked, some people ignored it, nobody laughed. It sounds weird to say, but 100% of the people I've done this in front of now have simply not made an issue out of it. They may be judging me, I don't know. But that's the point. If I don't *know* that they judged me, then surely it doesn't matter? I'm fine.\n\n**Exposure 3 Result:** This one was kind of a failure, but I think I redeemed myself. Instead of going to McDonald's, I went to a Chinese food place that I hadn't been to before. I walked straight up to the counter. Usually I'd circle around and question what to do and try and read the entire menu before-hand, but after getting that book, I felt pretty immortal at this stage. I walked up to the counter and simply asked her what there was. Usually I'd look at the menu, pick the first thing I saw, and just deal with it. This time I took my time. I asked her what there was, I looked at the menu and I picked something I liked. Now the whole point of this one was to pay with the wrong amount of money. It came to \u00a34. I looked at my hand and I had exactly \u00a34 there, and she saw it. I really couldn't take away one and give her \u00a33, I felt a little *too* ridiculous doing that. It may have looked like I was trying to trick her, so I just paid the full amount first time. \n\nI walked away and realized I may be able to try something else, since technically I didn't really do this exposure. I realized that the food I was carrying would be cold by the time I got home... but not really the best thing to eat while walking around. It smelled nice but quite strong, and it was messy. I decided I'd eat it on the way home as the thought of doing so was giving me anxiety. What if I made a mess? People would think I couldn't even eat properly. What if people didn't like the smell and told me to stop? What if people thought I was greedy that I just couldn't wait to get home? I opened the box and just started eating. Nobody even looked at me, let alone comment. Once I started eating, I even noticed other people eating. It was delicious.\n\n**Next step:** I really want to ask for help again, at a different place. It was hard this time but I could do it, and I got very positive results. I need to do it again and again. As for the key dropping thing, I think I'm only going to do this when it's very hard for me to. I don't think I need to do it around the average stranger anymore. I'd also like to eat in public a bit more. I think I'll start with eating in public while walking, and I want to build myself up to eating in public just sitting at a table on my own.\n\n**THANK YOU**\n\nHonestly. Thank you guys so much. Your feedback from day 1 was amazing and it really pushed me to continue. I was scared I'd get a bunch of \"we don't care\" comments or \"keep this to yourself\" or whatever. I guess that was just my anxiety talking. You guys really helped me a ton. Thank you.", "answer": "This is awesome, and I say that as a psychologist.  there is probably nothing more effective in overcoming anxiety than behavioral experimentation aka exposure therapy.  Excellent work!  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "1upf3v", "comment_id": "cel072o"}, {"question": "Advice on getting to know boys", "description": "Looking for some good advice on eventually getting myself a boyfriend. \nEveryone I speak to end up either end up being stalkerish or are just too good friends. \nAlthough there a boy that I've hardly spoke too but I can never keep the conversation going. Needing help.", "answer": "can't go wrong going SLOW. identify red flags early. keep a list of topics in your mind; it'll keep the convo going", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rxtqq", "comment_id": "ddb5gay"}, {"question": "update to previous post My wife had a one nite stand on a cruise while we were dating.", "description": "I long suspected something happend while on the\ncruise with Girl friends and she always denied it.\nShe said it happened after drinking and it was\nspur of the moment and instantly regretted it.\nHowever I found a photo album from the cruise\nwith at lease 6 pictures of her with him..drapped\nall over him... and it was obvious that the pictures\nwere at different times(different clothes on etc).\nShe also at the behest of her girlfriend called him\ntwice after the cruise but basically didn't say\nanything to him\nI found out this about 6 months ago and its still bothers me\nUPDATE now she is telling me that she hung out /flirted with him  went back to his cabin and he basically date raped her  I do not know what to think and cant understand keeping the pics etc if this is true", "answer": "It's hard to imagine her keeping the pics if that was true. Also, she lied, and if you were dating in a committed monogamous way, she cheated on you. How long ago was this cruise?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qd4", "comment_id": "dkfnt8l"}, {"question": "My doctor just prescribed me lexapro, is this a good drug for anxiety?", "description": "I have GAD and my doctor prescribed me lexapro alongside referring me to a psychologist, but as I do, I\u2019ve read the side effects for this medicine and some of the side effects seem bad, has anybody noticed any bad side effects while taking this medicine or are there any particular ones to look out for? I also noticed it says it causes decreased sex drive, is this true?", "answer": "Lexapro is an SSRI in the same group as say Prozac, Zoloft, etc.  It sounds like you have a decent psychiatrist as recent studies show that this family of psych meds is actually more effective for anxiety than previously regularly prescribed benzos (Xanax, Klonopin) and generally have much less side effects and very little to no chance of becoming addicted.  \n\n\nPeople get very scared by side effects when they read on the internet.  Drug companies are required to list side effects even if they occurred in a tiny % of the people studied (sometimes even when it's not clear that it was that drug that caused it).  Everyone reacts to these types of meds differently.  Many people experience little to no side effects.  Others only experience the side effects for the first 2-3 weeks when their body is adjusting to the meds then they start working and the side effects go away.  Some people get certain or many side effects really bad.  If you're being prescribed these, I'd hope you're scheduled for monthly follow ups with your psychiatrist.  Keep them in the loop if you do experience any side effects and they'll see if they can change the dose or try another drug in the same family.  Sometimes even though the drugs are in the same families, certain ones will cause side effects in some people but another one won't.  They'll be able to figure out what works best for you.\n\n\nAlso keep in mind, if you do start experiencing any really bad side effects, you can always call your provider and see if you can get an appointment earlier than a month.  \n\n\nAs far as the sex drive thing.  I know some folks that have experienced this to the point they wanted to change meds, but the majority of folks I know who have taken Lexapro did not experience this.  Again, everything effects each individual differently.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "97inbb", "comment_id": "e48ga9o"}, {"question": "A family member is suicidal, homicidal, in a mental hospital and under a 3 minute watch because she believes she in possessed by demons and so are others and she has to cut them out of people.", "description": "She is not religious. She never has been. None of us are. She is married to my cousin. He woke up one night and she was standing over him with a knife saying she had to cut the demons out of him. I think she has some childhood trauma, I don't know. Her dad used to say he heard voices apparently. Is cacodemonomania treatable? Will she ever go back to normal? How can we help her? It has been like this since her dad passed and has gone from small episodes to consuming her entirely.", "answer": "Not a therapist but I work in a psych hospital and I see patients like this often. You say she's been like this since her dad passed, how long ago was that? Give her a few days/weeks with meds and see how she does. Best thing you guys can do for her is make sure she continues to take her meds when she gets out of treatment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dihwwm", "comment_id": "f3wi8ww"}, {"question": "Getting Help", "description": "I have a counseling appointment tomorrow and I\u2019m finally going to talk to the counselor about what happened to me. I\u2019m very nervous because I\u2019ve been avoiding the issue for years, and everything has been bubbling back to the surface these past few days. How can I avoid shutting down when I get to the appointment? It\u2019s happened before, and I just don\u2019t end up talking about my trauma. But I want to unpack what happened and get some closure. How do I force myself to confront it?", "answer": "Tell the therapist exactly that. Say that you have tried to process this before and were unable. Maybe think about how other therapists have had you open up. Perhaps there is something that the therapist thinks would be helpful just stop you up. Does that make sense?", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "d5gd2e", "comment_id": "f0lnozy"}, {"question": "Therapist Bias?", "description": "I went to a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She was great, but when I mentioned my questions about BPD and possibly getting diagnosed she got very apprehensive. She said she tries to refrain from diagnosing people with personality disorders because it is a lifelong issue that is difficult to cure. When I tried to explain my concerns that I fit all 9 symptoms of BPD she basically told me that I just don't seem like I have BPD from talking to me. I have been reading a lot online about the stigma behind BPD, even in the mental health community, and I'm not sure what to do. \n\nHas anyone else experienced bias from mental health professionals in the beginning of their treatment? How did you get passed it?", "answer": "Sounds like you have a strong pro-BPD bias. Some clinicians never use BPD as a diagnosis because of the increased chance of hardship and death to the client. Others don't do it because they aren't sure BPD exists as described in diagnostic manuals. Many other therapists won't diagnose a PD within the first year or two of therapy because they have to work through the other possibility. \n\nEveryone has a bias with BPD, just that some have a bias away from it. \n\nThat being said. Make sure you get a shrink with DBT knowledge/ training", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7lkpm5", "comment_id": "drn1v6y"}, {"question": "[18/m] My (potential/probably) girlfriend (16/f) is confusing me, I love her but don't know what I should do.", "description": "This is the first relationship I've had since I parted from my family and friends after I was assaulted. I had no hope of anyone where I live ever not hating me. But I've met this girl and she's changed that 100%. She approached me first (ended up just buying weed from me haha). Then we went to a dance, and I met (and drank with) her parents. We've just been hanging out non-stop basically. Today we went and saw a movie together, and blazed on the way to her house. When we got there, before she left, she gave me the first hug of my life.\n\nShe flirts with me plenty, talks to me all the time, and is just really good to me in general. I opened up to her about the rape, and she did everything she could to comfort me. That was when I realized she really cares. I'm in love with her, and I want her permission to be able to love her. But I don't know if I should ask her out, I'm afraid it being to early or something like that and lose her.\n\nIt's driving me crazy, and I'm honestly freaking the fuck out because of this. Thank for everyone's advice in advance.", "answer": "Never be afraid to express your feelings.  \"..between grief and nothing, I will take grief\"-Faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60fbi8", "comment_id": "df5zv6h"}, {"question": "First post, so here's my life story summary from age 9 up until 20 before the bad thing happened.", "description": "Not sure what to do right now, I'm feeling so abandoned. I made this account specifically to try and do some reddit based therapy. I need to do SOMETHING, anything new that could help to keep me going. I've been through a lot of other therapy and I haven't tried anything in a while and I'm starting to feel so desperate. I can't seem to stick to seeing a counsellor or doctor, it's just painful. I used to blog which helped me a lot as I'm a creative type, but due to Narcissistic family my privacy was lost, a huge argument created and I lost my confidence in writing and deleted my blog.\n\nI'm not really sure how to begin. I want to get better but I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% fully functional again. I know people with mental health issues are meant to take things day by day, but it's been a couple years now and I feel like I'm losing my youth and I'm just fed up of waiting for my life to properly begin. I feel like it's all or nothing with me; I either get to be myself 100% or I should just kill myself. I just want more than anything to be my authentic self without fear of repercussions or judgement but I'm constantly biting my tongue while I live at home with my family in a toxic and tense environment. I've gotten into the habit now of just trying to make others around me happy, at least for now. I think if January won't be my last month, February will. I told my mother she's probably going to lose me this year.\n\nI'm not really sure how anyone can quite understand why I'm so tired or feel like giving up so much without me typing out my whole life story. I want to be understood completely but there are just not enough words. I will try to explain why the last few months I'm feeling like finally giving up. I just want people to know I tried my hardest to get better and be a good person and friend, just in case I don't make it. It's really important to me that people know I tried. I hung in there for a really long time without help from anyone.\n\nI'm going to talk ages and numbers and try to keep this medium length; I'll talk about the bad thing which caused my PTSD next post.\nI think the last time I was truly happy was my 9th birthday and now I'm recently turned 23. \nI moved to a new place after my 9th birthday, didn't fit in. I got bullied so badly at my new school (it was a faith school too which didn't help in hindsight) I had to transfer at age 10 to a private school as it was the only one with any space. This caused a huge rift between my parents and brothers.\nPrivate school was WAY different, I'd always been a state school kid before. I didn't get bullied, but I didn't make friends; I hid in the library at lunchtime and read stories to the younger kids. They were the only ones who didn't judge me, I treated them like my very own children despite being only a few years older. Not sure if that's really weird or not.\nHit 11 - secondary school. Bitch from private school spreads lots of rumours about me, plus all the people who bullied me in the faith school now go to this secondary school. (British school system sucks) Five years of mental and physical torture and hell begin, school is useless at helping. I develop unhealthy coping mechanisms (OCD not diagnosed til age 20 occurs now, as does self harm.) and this creates hellish tension with my Narcissistic mother. Repetitive behaviours and compulsions were insane back then. At age 12 after my very long hair is partially burnt off in science class by a bunsen burner by mean kids, I decide to kill myself.  I cut my body all over, but plan to slit my neck; I am seconds away from doing it when I hear my little brother singing and stop. I couldn't when he would be the one to find me. At 16 I date the first boy who ever paid me any attention (that was never going to end well was it?) and school ends. The friendship group I was in is weird and dark and I was the only girl.\n I start Sixth form college and love how intelligent everyone is at this new place.\n\nMother hates boyfriend and that friendship group instantly, although she never liked any of my friends, she becomes bullying and abusive more so than ever for about three years. Boyfriend cheats on me with best friend I made at college at 18, but I dump him before knowing this due to physical/mental (and with hindsight I guess sexual) abuse. Bullying and rumours spread so lose first ever close friends I ever made through no fault of my own. Mother says I told you so.\n\nDrop out of college, restart second year at 19. Make new friends, most of them LGBT. Come out as bisexual for the first time since knowing I was bisexual since I was about 10; still close friends with these people to this day. Good people :-) Obviously to this day I'm 90% out, just not to my family as they can't be trusted.\nHowever all the bullying, all the trauma and distress at home, at school, at college, bad attitude from a bitchy spanish teacher had set in and I get diagnosed with clinical depression. I stop coming in, I miss classes to cry in the bathroom for hours. People get called in. I have to drop out of college. I feel like a failure, I hardly leave my room, self harm is out of control, my older brother is at the TOP university and rubs my failure in my face. Uni meant the world to me. Suicide attempt #2, nobody finds out about it and I never tell. Another failure.\n\nI try to go out more to cheer myself up. Some friends supportive, others not. Some days are good, a lot bad. I meet a boy at a party, he becomes my world. I think we are dating. He turns out to be a sociopath who has used me to further his connections to the fine art world and tells me we are not dating and it was all in my head. Gaslighting to the max. After finding no more use for me, he decides to become best friends with the girl (ex best friend) who my boyfriend mentioned above cheated on me with, for no other reason than \"just because\" despite not being friends with her before I told him what she did to me. I end all contact with him; very smart decision for me considering how much I used to let people walk all over me. I cry for months as it was the first time I had my heart broken. I consider suicide again.\n\nHowever,  despite all of this I was so strong. I started getting better and eating right, working out, going out more with people and staying closer in touch with friends. I tried really really hard to get better and I even started getting on better with my family through sheer effort every day. Looking back on this time I am really proud of myself for the amount I achieved considering the pain I had been through.\n\n....And then the bad thing (traumatic event) happened and now my life is unbearable. It's not fair is it?\nI hope people see how much I've been through, then understand why it's so difficult for me to try and get over this now. \nIt's not that I'm not trying, and it's not that I'm weak or lazy like my family thinks. \nReddit, I just can't do it anymore. I've been fighting for years and I have nothing left to give, I'm so tired. :'(\n", "answer": "I want you to know that someone read your wall of text and wishes they could help or comfort you in some meaningful way.  Awful things can happen in life and yet its not predictable what the future may hold.  When you are worn out it can feel like you know it will be more of the same and suicide can start seeming like a good idea.  But you don't really know and it can become better.  \n\nA note about trauma in case it is news.  The way it often works is that its overwhelming so you want to avoid it as much as possible.  However, avoiding it, while it works short term, has the effect of preventing you from digesting the event and ends up, somewhat paradoxically, prolonging trauma's effect. The evidence based therapies for PTSD generally focus on emotion regulation and then retelling the story of the event again and again.  It has the effect of helping people put the trauma more into the past.  Hopefully you will be able to go in these directions in the future.  \n\nIt sounds like you have both experienced a trauma and had a difficult upbringing complete with bullying.  That sucks.  But things can get better", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2sswzs", "comment_id": "cnsn2dq"}, {"question": "Husband has a bunch of nonspecific, disabling symptoms. Desperate for any answers.", "description": "My husband, a white male, 155 lbs, 5'11, has had a bunch of strange nonspecific symptoms since last November. He is diagnosed with celiac disease, delayed sleep phase disorder, depression, and anxiety. He takes .5 mg Klonopin daily, no other medications currently. He follows a strict gluten free diet. We monitored his blood sugar for a week, and it's normal. His resting heart rate and blood pressure are normal. He doesn't report any pain.\n\nThe symptoms he reports are as follows:\n\nhands and feet almost always cold\n\nfeet often sweaty\n\nwake up feeling hot\n\nsleep starts and observed PLMD\n\nbruxism when sleeping\n\nvery little appetite, have to force myself to eat breakfast\n\nsudden extreme hunger with hot flashes\n\nerectile dysfunction\n\ndecreased libido\n\nFatigue, lethargy\n\nbrain fog\n\nforgetfulness\n\nwalking and light exercise is exhausting\n\nacquired caffeine sensitivity, less than 30mg produces effects similar to two or more cups of coffee\n\ndifficulty focusing vision\n\nAdditionally, I've noticed clumsiness and stumbling over the past few months. No falls yet, but a lot of close calls. The fatigue is extreme and I've seen him have difficulty getting up to get things from across the room. He also used to be very sharp with a great memory, but recently I have to tell him things many times and he still forgets. The last week, he's spent a lot of time in bed and if we do go out (say, to the grocery store to pick up 2-3 things) he'll be exhausted for the rest of the day.\n\nI'm really worried and any suggestions would be welcome. He's seeing a general physician next week but due to the lack of specificty to his symptoms, I'm concerned he won't be taken seriously.\n\n​\n\nA little additional info straight from him regarding medication history:\n\n\"after taking gabapentin 300mg 3x a day for two years i developed some of these symptoms, mainly the PLMD and sleep starts, along with symptoms thought to be diabetes insipidus, excessive thirst, excessive urination, dilute urine. i rapidly discontinued the gabapentin. i did not stop cold turkey, but the taper was much faster than would normally be recommended. during and after the taper, the symptoms got much worse, along with fasciculations and paraesthesias all over my body, and other symptoms similar to benzodiazepine withdrawal. the symptoms slowly resolved themselves over months. magnesium citrate 200mg before bed and a b-vitamin complex seemed to alleviate some of the symptoms for a time. over a year passed and the symptoms i am complaining of now started showing up, in about November of last year, after what i presume was a severe viral infection, either the flu or something like it. the chronic symptoms persisted after the symptoms of acute infection had passed. the cold hands and feet symptom is particularly new, previously i had the opposite problem, my hands and feet were always hot and sweaty, even in cool weather.\n\n​\n\nafter reading an examination of literature on l-tyrosine by a sleep specialist, i tried taking 250mg before bed for a few days, and this seemed to resolve the PLMD and i was able to sleep well for the first time in months. i also tried l-arginine thinking it would improve circulation but found its effects at the recommended dosages uncomfortable (1 to 3 grams per day made me hot, sweaty, itchy, nauseous, and gave me a headache). since the l-tyrosine resulted in marked improvement of PLMD and sleep starts, it would lead me to believe that these symptoms are dopamine-mediated (true PLMD is thought to be associated with parkinsons). However, it did not resolve all of my symptoms. it is also difficult to sort out which symptoms may be the result of chronic sleep deprivation, and which may be the manifestations of an insidious disease. because the symptoms came on slowly, are varied and nonspecific, and effect my cognition, it has been difficult to keep track of them.\n\n​\n\ni reduced my klonopin dosage from 0.75mg to 0.625mg about 3 months ago, and then further to 0.5mg after over two weeks had passed since i got down to 0.625mg. the acute withdrawal symptoms had subsided by then. acute withdrawal symptoms always included increases in sleep starts, PLMD, and nocturnal calf cramps. however, the symptoms i am primarily complaining about started roughly 3 months before i reduced the klonopin dosage. if i were to reduce the dosage further i would go down by increments of 10-15%, having the exact dosages compounded at a compounding pharmacy. switching to diazepam first and then tapering the diazepam is also supposedly an option, but seems like more trouble than it's worth. \"", "answer": "One thing you don't mention is his discussing any of this with his doctor. That would be a good start!\n\nVague but very troublesome symptoms of slowing, fatigue, and, and heat/cold can be thyroid issues, although they're not always, and hypothyroidism is more common in people with celiac disease. It's worth testing if it hasn't been already. Really there are many tests to be done, but a doctor should be directly involved in figuring out which will be most explanatory.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b2mew3", "comment_id": "eitkued"}, {"question": "My fianc\u00e9 has explosive anger and calls me names", "description": "I have been with my fianc\u00e9 for a total of 7 years, and we have been engaged for 3. We have been living together for the past 2 years in a small (but lovely and modern) flat.\n\nFor the past 9 months I've really been noticing his anger issues. He cannot control his outbursts.\n\nFor example, this morning my partner (at 6.30am) was cleaning the kitchen before work. He asked if I could get his work stuff ready which I felt fine about. He asked me to help him - not a problem but I have epilepsy so I am very drowsy and uncoordinated and can be a bit slow in the morning.\n\nHe asked me to pass the extension lead. I got confused as I thought the vacuum was plugged somewhere else. It was an explosive reaction to just my confusion.\n\nHe said : 'For fucks sake I'll do it myself, I don't know how you fucking breathe by yourself. Fucking idiot.'\n\nI'm not great at arguments. I find confrontation awful due to emotional abuse from my parents throughout my childhood.\n\nSo, I just went to the bedroom without saying anything and just got in bed. After 10 minutes of hearing him cuss about how he hates this flat (don't know why I love it) he comes in the bedroom and asks where his work stuff is. I said I don't know. So he then called me a cunt, left the room and slammed the door, and was cussing that I wasn't helping I could hear him muttering in the living room.\n\nThen he left for work without saying good bye.\n\nI don't really know what to do. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive but when he is like this I get really down and I can't really get on with my day. 80% of the time he is okay and funny and he cares for me when I have seizures. And I love him. But I just feel so put down all the time.\n\nTl:dr: been with fianc\u00e9 for 7 years. He calls me names - don't know what to do. \n", "answer": "end it if she doesn't get help and get cured", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g74kc", "comment_id": "dio6u7d"}, {"question": "I [22/m] dont know how to take things slow with the person [f/22] I'm dating/talking to", "description": "So long story short, I'm in North Carolina for a summer internship. I'm at my halfway point now in the 10 weeks. I started talking to this girl about 2 weeks in (this sounds right because she was freaked out about me skydiving). We met on tinder and due to her job and mine, date nights have been a toss up on when (every other week pretty much). We talk a lot over text and phone though and thoroughly enjoy each other. \n\nHowever, here's where my issue comes in, I guess my last relationship I got into really quick to the bf/gf stage and it somehow lasted a year. So living life in fast forward, at least in relationships is all I know. She would like things slow and no pressure on it. I totally understand because my last one I was miserable with and rushed it. \n\nHow can I keep things slow (and how do we define this) but still keep every possible outcome viable? I leave in mid August to go back to Texas for a few months to finish school before graduation this December. There's a nice chance that I'll be back here in February or so working for the company I'm interning with so I can circumvent that situation if all goes well-- and it has so far. \n\ntl;dr how do I take a possible relationship slow when I'm halfway through a 10 week internship and how do you define \"slow\"", "answer": "you can't go wrong going slow. slow usually means sex later than sooner. DEFINE what's going on so you're both on the same page", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m85sf", "comment_id": "djzr1y4"}, {"question": "What blood test generate this report?", "description": "[blood test report](https://imgur.com/a/cSoDd6k)\n\nGlucose Tolerance Test\n\nTuberculosis Test\n\nUrine Drug Test Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test Observed\n\nUrine Drug Test Express ResultsTM Online\n\nOral Fluid Drug Test\n\nHair Drug Test\n\nBreath Alcohol Test\n\nHealth and Wellness Screening\n\nAll Other Tests", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but the lab panels that give those results are the bold headings on each paper: CBC with differential, comprehensive metabolic panel, TSH, and a few hep B tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a8bmhd", "comment_id": "ec9d55l"}, {"question": "Reddit is NOT for Black women, I am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "Reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. There's subs for things like Memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.\n\nBut as a black woman, I have learned **Reddit.is.not.our.friend.**\n\nSomething that I found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. Very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. I've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. Men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. Also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. But then if there's a black woman with straight hair I've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! The most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. Black men are rated way better than us. Just say you like European features better! \n\nWhenever I have talked about my experiences with racism I'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". But posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a POC didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes I've ever seen :(\n\nThis is why I only really go on subs for Black men and women only, because I feel good about my blackness and I can be myself with people judging me. And people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other POC) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**\n\nHonestly I might take a break :/\n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. You wrote about your experience so eloquently. You clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. Maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! Keep your head up! I see you, girl! Don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "eeqxiho"}, {"question": "Why do perkosets make me feel like everything is ok?", "description": "Ok I know all about opiates and dopamine and oxytocin but I don't know the details of why those work together with this drug to make me feel completely amazing and normal. I have complex PTSD and before I had it I felt how I feel now on a perkoset. \nI need to know more why this is such a nice drug...;)", "answer": "The drug binds to your brain's opiate receptors. These receptors play a part in helping decrease pain and increase euphoric feelings. The longer you take Percocet, you will feel these effects less and less, which will mean you will need a higher dose to experience the same results. I would recommend finding a different, maintainable treatment. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "22cfb9", "comment_id": "cglfyag"}, {"question": "Is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "I've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that I don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. I just feel nothing. The therapists I've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if I still feel anxious or sad. Is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "That's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. This is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work. \n\nThere are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "fxfhonu"}, {"question": "What to do on a mental health day?", "description": "I have worked 45+ hours a week solidly for over 15 months now. I have mdd and need a few days for myself and my mental health. My issue is that I have no idea what to *do* on a mental health day off. When depressed, I sleep. Therefore, I don't want to sleep the whole time. I don't have anyone to spend time with, so I'll be alone. I just don't have the ability to think of things I would enjoy doing.", "answer": "I second not wanting to sleep the whole time. Maybe making some plans, even if it's just with yourself, could motivate you to get outside.\n\nWhen I take mental health days, I try and spend it with people: either loved ones if they can, or in public if I'm alone. When I have the day to myself, I do a nice couple hour workout, hit the raquetball court, go to the book store or library and do some reading, catch up on a video game, walk my dog, and do some cleaning around the house.\n\nSometimes I also go get a haircut or nice shave. That feels so good to me.\n\nI also live near a beach so if I'm feeling REALLY adventurous I'll go sunbathe for a couple hours with a good book.\n\nRemember, it's YOUR mental health day, so pick things that you enjoy that maybe you don't get to do so often.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eppd8e", "comment_id": "fekuxw8"}, {"question": "Me [M, 20] Debating whether to get back together with an ex [F, 18]", "description": "We dated for several months in high school, then she broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with a long-distance relationship. Two years later, we've been catching up through a theater production we're both in. We've been texting frequently, she's been laughing at my jokes, and awkward eye contact with one another has been regular. Essentially, she's sending all positive signals. I want to ask her on a date this weekend--but I'm second guessing myself. When she broke up with me it was totally out of the blue and then she started dating a new guy less than a month later. I don't know if I want to give her the power to hurt me like that again. But also, the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that I genuinely love spending time with her. I feel that we've both grown a lot as people, and she seems receptive to a possible relationship. Any advice?\n\nEdit: forgot to mention that she'll be attending the same college as me in the fall, so the distance won't be a problem anymore.", "answer": "Just fucking do it. \n\nIf it makes you feel better, you're allowed to be mad if she dumps you again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6otcj9", "comment_id": "dkkc3t2"}, {"question": "No interest in making guy friends because I see them as competition for girls.", "description": "This has been a thing with me for a while. I'm basically starving for female attention. I feel that whenever I'm with guys and there are girls around, the girls always ignore me. Getting ignored by girls makes me jealous and angry then eventually I start to dislike the guy till I no longer want to be around him.\n\nThis even happens with guys who are in relationships. For whatever reason they are more fun or charming than me and I end up ignored. The guys never seem to understand that I'm the single one and that I'm the one who should be getting most of the attention.\n\nIs there any way to fix this?", "answer": "A few things to consider here.  \n\n* If you're \"starving for female attention\" this is both a cause and effect of the problem.  The more you're \"starving\" the more you'll be projecting desperation, and no matter how good of a job you try to do at covering this up, people will sense it and for women especially, it will be a huge turn off.  So yeah, much like what kodechamp said, you have to find ways to be happy and enjoy your life with or without female attention.  It may sound counterintuitive, but once you don't care whether you have it or not genuinely, it'll be a lot easier to get.  This is probably why your friends who are already in relationships get more attention.  They're in relationships so they could care less whether they get the attention or not, so they don't project desperation.  \n\n* Most people find it easier to have friends of the same gender due to a higher likelihood of sharing gender stereotypical interests and the absence of one party becoming romantically interested (barring differences in sexual orientation of course).  The more friends you have, the more that shows the world that you're a person worth spending time with and that you \"can't be a total creep\".  You're right, the downside of this is if you are with a group of guys and you meet a group of girls, there's a good chance they'll be interested in one of your friends instead of you.  I don't mean to be harsh in saying this but my guess is those girls probably wouldn't have been interested in you in the absence of your friends.  The competition aspect is most likely in your head.  \n\n* It may be painful to feel so lonely as you watch your friends get what you want and don't have but it's also a chance for you to learn from them through observation.  How do they act differently from you that makes them more socially successful?  Start trying to model yourself after them.  Modeling ourselves after people who are better than us at certain areas is pretty much how we learn anything successfully.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "967vqe", "comment_id": "e3ymaos"}, {"question": "When we (33f and 34m, married) get annoyed/frustrated our ability to communicate falls to pieces. Advice?", "description": "My(33f) husband(34m) and I have been together for 8ish years, married for three. We communicate well with things are going well but suck at it when things aren't. \n\nFor some history:\n\nME:\n I come from a background where talking about your problems wasn't done and was probably a sign of weakness. Crying was for girls etc. and I grew up being a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle now. For example, when my brother died and I tried to talk about it I got shot down pretty quick and afterwards it was pretty clear that we don't talk about that now - and we didn't. I wasn't shown a lot of affection after that and I get that it must have been hard after losing a child and respect that but it was still hard. For example, I was in an accident and nearly died and needed a hug from my mother and she told me I was an attention seeker and turned away. I was so obvious that I had a stranger come and give me a hug while I broke down in tears. Again, I get here that it must have been scary for her and brought up a lot but I needed my parents and didn't have them. \n\nHIM:\nHis parents got pregnant at uni and when his Dad found out he left , coming back to pay minimal child support and then when he asked his new girlfriend to marry him, she responded only if you never talk to your son again and pretend he never existed. He agreed and my husband never saw him again. His mother remarried and he grew up as the other. Not really considered one of the kids and the first to get in trouble as a proxy for everyone else and has a lot of feelings of his life being unfair. He left home young and has made his own way since. He needs a lot of reinforcement and has a low self-esteem. \n\nTogether:\nWe got pregnant basically as soon as we moved in together and it was way too early in the relationship but we made it work. Because we hadn't developed a strong foundation there was a fear that any fight could be the end for him and he walked on eggshells around me. He didn't want to leave because he didn't want to be his Dad and I didn't want to make him leave because I didn't want to take away his experience of being a Dad. Anyway, we fell out of love, we fell back in love and we lasted. We worked through our issues before we got married but that fear of it not working pervaded the mechanics of our relationship even when we got to the point where we knew it was irrational because we had survived so much. \n\nWe ended up with a fear of confrontation, him because he thought I would leave him any time we fought and me because I thought he would get emotional and think I was leaving when I wasn't and I wanted to avoid the fall out. So we stopped fighting.\nI used to be a get everything out in the moment and deal person but now I am a walk away, calm down, get head straight and then come back and explain why things went wrong, what triggered the response, apologise or talk about the issues. He wants me to be able to do all of that in a heightened emotional state and I don't know how to anymore. We are good at tapping out or noticing when the other parent is overwhelmed and then they can go have a time out while we take over but we cannot seem to stay in the same space with those feelings and communicate without either feeding off of each other or getting the other one annoyed and making it worse. If he gets overwhelmed and angry he wants me to hug him to calm him down and make it all better but I can't/won't do that because I won't go towards someone who is angry. For clarity, he isn't abusive but I have experienced that in the past before him and he is probably less angry than I am perceiving through my own experiences. I get that he needs love in that place to feel worth but I don't know how to give it to him. \n\nWhat I am asking is, does anyone have advice or tools to be able to negotiate or interact successfully in times of heightened emotion. I don't want him to get cranky at the kids because he/we can't manage his frustration and it builds and I don't want him to feel misunderstood or unloved. When he is alright he is so patient and understanding and a such a great Dad but when he is overwhelmed/impatient/cranky then I tend to get angry at him and make it worse and I don't want to. \n\nHow do we calm each other rather than riling each other up when we are in that place other than removing ourselves or recommending that the other remove themselves. What do you do in these situations? We don't really fight - we get cranky and stop communicating and need to change this.\n\nEdited to add:\nTldr: Feed off each other when we are angry and don't want to. How can we communicate better in a heightened emotional state? ", "answer": "needs a summary;  tl;dr. happy to help if you do that. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v17ic", "comment_id": "ddyfjh7"}, {"question": "Should I get my heart murmur checked out again?", "description": "When I was born, I had a couple of small holes in my heart. I think all but one closed up. I was being put on Lithium and had to get my heart checked to make sure I was healthy enough. Well the doctor read the ekg wrong and send me to a cardiologist. He did an ultrasound and found that I had a small hole with a murmur, and it wasn't serious so I didn't need to worry. \n\nI think I was 11 or 12 years old, and now I'm 16. I get a lot of chest pain and some trouble breathing. Occasionally I just get sharp chest pains that get worse when I inhale, but it eventually goes away.\n\nSo my questions; \nDo you think I even have the murmur and/or hole? If it didn't close up in 12 years, will it never? \nShould I get it checked out, or is it fine?\n\n(Female, 16, 5'1\", 180lb, (I know my weight could be a factor, but does that cause the chest pain?)", "answer": "When was your last EKG/ECG? If you're on lithium you should be having it done at least annually.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lqfsh", "comment_id": "dbxtaqz"}, {"question": "Wife and I trying moderation", "description": "I\u2019m not sure what the attitude towards moderation is in this sub? It seems for most that post here it isn\u2019t an option. You have to go all or nothing. That may be true for us as well, maybe this is just a stage of the process we\u2019re in. Not sure but not going to focus on that too much for now. \n\nMy wife and I have been married for just 3 years.  We were both married before. I\u2019m 43, she\u2019s 33. We have a total of six kids ranging in age from 7 to 26. We both work good jobs and make a good living in the healthcare field. Not sure all that matters but just giving some background.\n\nWe both agree we drink too much, and for no good reason. We have long days so we both enjoy spending our evenings watching football or a Netflix show (Currently finishing up Last Kingdom!). We\u2019ve gotten into the bad habit of drinking the entire time we\u2019re sitting there. This usually means 1-2 bottles of wine or wine plus some bourbon. We end up going to bed drunk and waking up the next day feeling like crap. \n\nMy wife is better at being able to have just a glass or two, but not me. If we drink I\u2019m going to keep drinking until we go to bed. \n\nWe did this once again last Sunday. We watched football all day, had family over for dinner, and watched a movie that night. Drinking the entire time. The next day we both felt like crap, struggled to get things done all day at work, and couldn\u2019t workout (ironically we\u2019re avid CrossFitters)\n\nSo we talked that day and agreed to make a genuine effort to cut back. The truth is we don\u2019t want to eliminate alcohol from our lives. We enjoy going out or having wine with a nice meal. But we want to eliminate stupid pointless drinking while we\u2019re just sitting around watching TV. \n\nSo far we made it 4 days and it feels great! Sleeping better. Still enjoying our nights together. And having some great intimacy. \n\nWe\u2019ve tried cutting back before, but something about these 4 days felt different. We were so focused on how good we want to feel in the morning. We even finally did \u201cMurph\u201d a rather significant benchmark workout in the CrossFit community. It\u2019s often done on Memorial Day or holidays and consequently we\u2019ve never done it in our 4 years doing CrossFit. Felt awesome. \n\nI\u2019m quite certain we will have some drinks tonight or Sunday. But have the full intention of:\n\n1. Drinking less when we do\n2. Eliminating pointless weeknight drinking\n\nI would love to know what you all think. Thanks for listening!", "answer": "I think cutting out alcohol on weeknights is a great step to take, and will give you both the opportunity to see whether moderation is right for you. As someone who began about 5 years of moderation attempts in the same way, here are some things to look out for. \n\n- It\u2019s Wednesday, but you had such a stressful day that you\u2019re going to have just one or two drinks because you deserve it. \n- It\u2019s Thursday, but it\u2019s been a reeeeaaally long week and Thursday is almost Friday, so why not start the weekend early? You deserve it. \n- It\u2019s Friday, and you\u2019ve been looking forward to a drink all week. You\u2019ve been so good! Since you\u2019ve abstained all week, it\u2019s okay if you drink more than a few. Which turns into 6 or 7. You\u2019re hungover on Saturday. \n\nIf any of these things start happening with any regularity, moderation may not be right for you. Best of luck to you both and I hope that it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dndjas", "comment_id": "f5a488q"}, {"question": "My penis glans has a dark colored lump", "description": "4 days ago i found a lump on my penis glans (link at the end), it\u2019s about 1 cm diameter, no pain no itch. It looks like a bruise to me, but i didn\u2019t hurt my penis recently, so there is no way i can damage anything there. I am circumcised also. Please give me some advice, i am very confused about it. Thanks all!\n\nEdit: i am 27M, 1m8, 65kg. Haven\u2019t has sex for 1 year. Just masturbate. I don\u2019t smoke or drink. No medication and chronic condition before. \n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/6G5R9ng", "answer": "Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. It is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18M), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. For all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j6t0yo", "comment_id": "g81syxs"}, {"question": "Can someone please explain how a psychiatrist who specifically prescribes a drug receives financial kickbacks?", "description": "Does the psychiatrist who initially prescribed someone the drug initially receive revenue if any? Does the revenue get split up or changed if you switch doctors?\n\nThis question was inspired by [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/comments/bl18rf/mh_workers_lying_to_patients/) post about mental health workers lying to patients by trying to obfuscate the effects of dirty drugs which have permanent side effects. \n\nThe question is why would a psychiatrist go as far as obfuscate and lie about the effects of a dirty drug if they weren't getting some form of revenue?  \n\nThank you for any answers.", "answer": "doctors don't make money based on what they prescribe. Most respective physicians have taken vows or work in medical centers that prohibit them from accepting money from them.\n\n​\n\nif your doctor is getting Pharma money----you might want to re-evalute who you are seeing.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "bm0pwf", "comment_id": "eoehjg8"}, {"question": "After 8 years I don't think I'll ever get married and that thought really bums me out.", "description": "I'm 30, he's 35.  We've been together just over 8 years, he's raised my son since he was 5 months old, we have a kid together, we've lived together 6 years, and we share finances.  I think he's just gotten comfortable with our lives and we're never getting married.  I know people say \"it's just a piece of paper\", but it's important to me.  I've made that abundantly clear.  There's other things that I'm not completely fine with in our relationship but the marriage thing is the main thing.  Lately I've been questioning whether I want to continue in this relationship or not.  I love him and I love our life together for the most part.  I want to overlook the lack of a marriage, but I will hate myself if I do.  I'm not sure what to do.  I'm pretty sure I'm not leaving, but maybe some words of encouragement or something would help.  ", "answer": "If someone doesn't want to marry you after a year of living together, they most likely never will.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73kcyp", "comment_id": "dnr5fyx"}, {"question": "Undoing all my body tension created from years of anxiety", "description": "I'm constantly trying to push my shoulders down and back but it's so difficult. I have pretty bad hunched shoulders, and tons of jaw tension as a result. It's a mix of bad habits and generally moving through life led by anxiety and stress. I'm always physically tense and everyone notices. Its super frustrating and makes me feel self-conscious. I just hate when people call me out on it - \"Are you a worrier?\" Or they just laugh at me for looking nervous. Does anyone else feel this way? \n\nI do exercises, use weights, stretch, foam roll, etc. But it's like, daily things such as driving, using a computer, work posture -- all keep me right back in the same position. ", "answer": "I got one of those adjustable standing desks and that did wonders for my overall posture. So did core exercises, but sounds like you're on top of the exercise thing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "aggdjt", "comment_id": "ee645wq"}, {"question": "My psychiatrist told me I shouldn't work. I don't know what to do with myself.", "description": "About two years ago, I had my first job at the age of 18. It was just a simple job at McDonalds. Things didn't go so well. I had a mental breakdown. They started cutting my hours until I had none, so I quit, and gave them what they wanted.\n\nMy psychiatrist doesn't think I'm in the proper mental head space to have a job. what the fuck does that even mean? I feel pathetic.       I feel worthless.                  I feel like a loser. I've been trying to get on SSI for the past year or so, under my psychiatrist's recommendation. I keep getting turned down. I have no money. I have nothing. I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been able to feel good about this. I don't know how to not be upset about this. \n\nAnyone else?\n\nEdit: Thank you all for your kind words.", "answer": "If the psychiatrist told you to try for SSI, they might be trying to do you a flavor by telling you to not work. One big issue for SSI is if you've been able to hold down any job. Most SSI lawyers (and it sucks but you'll prolly need one to win ) recommend not working at all and volunteering someplace that's easy but also can show they had to accommodate you. It's a shitty game. \n\nThat being said... Fuck them. You need to keep plugging, keep trying and keep working on finding a job that cares about you. We've had some success with a few businesses that have adopted ACEs aware hiring which means they are trauma (read: mental breakdown) inclusive.  If you can get a job where they care that you are there because of what you have (even if you don't believe out at first) then they'll get by when you can't make it. \n\nBesides, I'm in the belief that having 4-5 jobs fire you is a good thing for disability and in talking to a disability lawyer, he thought it was too as long as it's easy to show that the issue was your inability to do the job, not unreasonable expectations. \n\nSo deliver pizza, model bagel bites at whole foods, answer phones as a virtual secretary, play music on the boardwalk for change, Docent at a museum or work stocking books in a library. Fin what you can do and do it the best you can do if it fails you'll be able to know you're really trying. \n\nKeep at this. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "69nlok", "comment_id": "dh88j6l"}, {"question": "I can talk with everyone fine But when its a crush i dont have the balls to say anything. especially in text messages", "description": "can anyone please help me with this? i feel like i might actually have a chance with this girl but i dont know how to text her. when  I see her in person  things are way better but i only see her when she is at work. should i ask her out ?\n\n\nps. i just turned 18 and  I never had a girlfriend before\n\n\nEDIT: I dont know it it fits here or if it needs to go somewhere else ", "answer": "What's the absolute worst that could possibly happen by responding to her.   \n\nAsk her some questions, share about yourself.   Ask her out for coffee or something similarly easy.   If she's interested it will be reflected in her responses (or lack thereof).  Don't over think it.   \n\nChat with her for a little bit, and then say, \"I was wondering if you would like to grab coffee tomorrow\"  it's preferable to do this after a in person conversation.   \n\nAnd if it doesn't work, you will probably learn something. \n\nIf you do have a date and it went well, let her know that you had a good time and want to see her again.   Text more and schedule another date.   \n\nIf it doesn't work, blame it on not having good chemistry together or that she just isn't that interested.  And that's OK.   You tried and it will be easier next time.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2ht526", "comment_id": "ckw5mta"}, {"question": "As someone who found AA before I found reddit...", "description": "Sometimes I read really great stuff in this sub. It has been helpful. I love to hear people talk about getting two or three days, and being genuinely proud of themselves. The daily quotes are great. I am still repeating one of the quotes actually \"A turtle never travels without sticking out his neck\". Pretentious prick that I am, I say that all the time now. It makes me feel very wise haha. \n\nNow what is bothering me. There have been a number of times where people have posted here with very negative outlooks on the AA program. I guess it is not for everyone. I get that. I dont think it matters what kind of drinker/addict you are/were...it just doesnt work for everyone. Most of the complaints about AA relate directly to the higher power/spirituality aspect of the program. This makes me want to explode. Its like well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death. Part of my program is supposed to be about accepting others and knowing that the only thing I can change is me. It is just very frustrating to see people put down a course of action that has worked very well for millions of people. It makes me see that person as clearly being too smart for their own good. I really enjoy this sub, but when people come here and bash AA...thats like going to r/trees and bashing weed. Is there a subreddit for twelve step folks who enjoy being \"brainwashed in a cult\"? Is the internet even acceptable within the 12 traditions? Am I a total dick? Is it totally unacceptable to tell someone who has a problem with AA where I think they should put their drinking problem?", "answer": "I had to learn through a lot of frustration that lending the hand of AA does not manifest in me coming here and fighting against every person who talks down about the program. Believe me I did that for months. It's normal, it's human to care deeply for something that does so much for my life. \n\nThe issue with that fighting is that, what does Alcoholics Anonymous look like to the guy I just fought with when he has no where left to turn and can't stop drinking? Will he think of an accepting group of people there to help him recover from a hopeless state of mind and body? Or will he think of the asshole he said mean things and fought with him just because he had a different opinion. \n\nIf attraction rather than promotion is how our membership comes to be then, we have to conduct ourselves so that the program actually looks worthwhile. People who see, \"well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death.\" are going to turn and run away from this thing. \n\nIf a person wants to try and get sober without AA that is okay. If a person wants to get sober, but feels AA isn't an option because it's just a bitter group of people who have a my way or the highway mentality, then that is a failing on the part of the members of AA. It is my responsibility to practice these principles and all my affairs so that the next guy sees me and says, \"wow, this AA thing might really work.\"\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1yblyw", "comment_id": "cfj705c"}, {"question": "Rules for a break", "description": "My (33/f) marriage is pretty much caput (husband (35/m) checked out a while ago). I figure a break is the last port before sea. What are some typical rules for a break? How much contact? How long? etc...", "answer": "you should have marriage counseling; that will determine the rules.\n\nif you don't do that. then one month. no dating others. talk 1-2/wk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zj2ju", "comment_id": "dmvo0w8"}, {"question": "Disassociating in Meditation", "description": "I\u2019ve been finding that while in meditation I\u2019m starting to disassociate. A feeling as if I\u2019m physically floating up out of my body. Two questions, one, is this disassociating? And two, any tips to help stay in my body?", "answer": "It depends on your beliefs. Some folks do transcendental meditation which often people report feeling separate from their physical body.  You can go with it or if you want to practice being in your body, do a body scan and incorporate mindfulness which would be maintaining awareness with different parts of your body. An example would be to bring awareness to the feeling of your legs on you feet, then to the feeling of your bottom on the floor (or cushion), etc. Going through each body part and face noticing any tightness or discomfort. Then you might go through each again and focus on relaxing each part and imagining it relaxing. Based on the info you\u2019ve given, it might be sort of dissociation, but that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it\u2019s a problem, though I can understand how it might be a bit disconcerting when it happens because it\u2019s not something you\u2019re used to. If it\u2019s happening in other times of the day when you\u2019re not meditating then it could be related to stress or anxiety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epn8sc", "comment_id": "feks2i0"}, {"question": "Help with sleep issues?", "description": " Age - 17\n\nGender - Male\n\nHeight - 186cm\n\nWeight - 73kg\n\nRace - Caucasian \n\nDuration - 2+ Years\n\nNot sure it this is the best place for this question but I'll give it a shot anyways.\n\nFor a few years, I've been able to go to sleep at a reasonable time without some sort of background stimulation (Audiobooks or YouTube mostly) and I feel like these, which I think help me fall asleep are bad for the quality of what sleep I get.\n\nI normally get into bed around ten or eleven, and often stay awake well into the small hours. I've tried not having and audiobook or anything and this seems to simply worsen the issue.\n\nI was wondering if anyone has the same issues, and if had any tips on how to improve the amount, and quality of my sleep are out there as it's having a noticeable effect on my life at this stage.\n\nCheers.", "answer": "Sleep problems can be very difficult to deal with and to treat. There are some general sleeping tips anyone could use ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep\\_hygiene](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_hygiene) ), other than that, it really depends on the cause of the sleeping problem. Sometimes when evaluating sleeping problems there turns out to be another cause, such as a depression, stress, addiction, or problems at home. Treating the underlying problem can of course also help with any sleeping problem caused by it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ouxe", "comment_id": "ejzcdrm"}, {"question": "In some weird way I'm so afraid of death that I almost feel suicidal?", "description": "I'm so cripplingly afraid of death and leaving my loved ones and being nothing after death that I shake and cry and have panic attacks. I almost feel like I should just get it over with since it could happen any time anyway why wait to be surprised and crushed... ugh fml", "answer": "There are a number of life events you have no control over, Death is one of it. The sooner you realise this and focus on living and bettering yourself as an individual, the better. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8e9bls", "comment_id": "dxthjiy"}, {"question": "My first concert went better than expected", "description": "As the title states, I just went to my very first concert (a metal one of course) and I actually enjoyed it! I\u2019ve hidden in my shell all of my life and I stepped out of it for once tonight and it was the most surreal and amazing moment of my life. I\u2019m not saying that stepping out of your comfort zone is for everyone. Because no one person is the same as another, but if you have an urge to do something outside of your comfort zone, do it! It might actually be fun.", "answer": "Stepping out of your comfort zone is the ONLY way you'll ever learn to cope with your anxiety or recover from it.  It's never easy, which is why so many people avoid it and their anxiety never improves.  Congrats for taking the leap!  What band did you see?  Growing up, getting into the hardcore and punk scene really helped me deal with my own anxiety among other issues.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9grkt7", "comment_id": "e672n6r"}, {"question": "Metformin side Effects", "description": "Hello fellow PCOSers. So, I've read the side effects on metformin and I've displayed several just in the last 2 days. I started metformin back in January with no side effects, but I stopped taking it after a month because I was in the middle of switching my insurance. I started it again this past Monday and up until yesterday I was fine. Yesterday I had a panic attack, and severe shivering even though my body felt hot. Today I woke up shivering again and feel dizzy anytime I stand up. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it go away after a few days? I plan on contacting my doctor Monday, just wanted opinions from people who have taken it. ", "answer": "Call the pharmacy or your doctor now. Those are some intense reactions, I wouldn't take the lightly. \n\nI did have significantly increased anxiety on metformin including an anxiety attack. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "6aqpuh", "comment_id": "dhgt8ej"}, {"question": "My libido requires new partners", "description": "Hi Reddit. This is something I have been struggling with for about 7 years now and I it's affecting every relationship i've tried to build. \n\nWhen I start to date someone, my libido is fairly high. For the first two weeks or so, depending on how often we see each other, I am good to go two rounds every time I see the girl. But after a relatively short period of time, I lose interest in sex, and I basically only have sex to make my partner happy. \n\nThe weird thing is that I still get horny. I just don't want to have sex with that person anymore. I still wan't to masturbate and have sex with other people (of course I don't if we have gone exclusive). It doesn't matter if is a girl I am seriously dating or a FWB. \n\nI have tried the following\n\n* Give it time (up to 6 months exclusively with one girl)\n* Cut out porno and masturbation\n* Exercise more\n* Dating for a long time with a girl before engaging in sex\n\nIt is really frustrating and I think this is partially responsible for not having had a long term relationship in 8 years. \n\n(I apologize for my english, I am not a native speaker)", "answer": "I would highly recommend speaking with a sex therapist. This is much more complicated and lengthy then an internet post or two could cover.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvvyqg", "comment_id": "f7gpc80"}, {"question": "I think I've [23/m] found my soul mate [22/f] but i don't know how she feels about me. what should i do? ", "description": "I met this girl and we clicked right off the bat, and in every sense of the word we connected. we've had long discussions many a times about every aspect of life. Music,wine,movies and love. on the topic of love I've come to find that shes not looking for anything serious and at first i was alright with that but its evolved into so much more for me. we've shared some of the most incredible moments but I'm not sure how she completely feels about me and i keep getting mixed signals i just don't know what to do i don't want to bring it up and mess up what we have now but i also don't want to miss out on what might be my soulmate   ", "answer": "If you don't know how she feels about you, she's not your soul mate. (Also, soul mates aren't real. Just lots of people you could be compatible with and have a good time. Find one and be happy and don't be so hung up on this soul mate nonsense.) if there did exist such a thing as a soul mate, don't you think you could tell that person how you feel about them? And if they don't reciprocate, then they're not your soul mate. Communication.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "181wm8", "comment_id": "c8avwg0"}, {"question": "25/M - Would taking Norco help prevent needle pain from flu shot?", "description": "25/m 170 lbs\n\nSorry if this may sound silly to some, but I am extremely afraid of needles and sensitive to the pain. I skipped the flu shot last year but this year there is an infant in my house so I made an appointment to get a flu shot tomorrow but already thinking of bailing out because of fear from the pain. \n\nAnyway I have some Norco that was prescribed to take as needed for back pain. My question is, can I take it before the flu shot, would that lessen the needle pain? ", "answer": "[Here's a nice PDF factsheet about needle phobia from one of the NHS trusts](http://www.uhs.nhs.uk/Media/Controlleddocuments/Patientinformation/Other/Bloodinjuryandneedlephobiasandproceduralanxietypatientinformation.pdf)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77c7e0", "comment_id": "dokw1t7"}, {"question": "How does being on meds make you feel?", "description": "I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and have started medication. I'm the only person I know with ADHD and it's kinda hard not having someone around who gets it. My friends are happy to listen to me talk about what's going on but it's all pretty foreign to them.\n\nI have one friend who took methylphenidate at uni as a study aid but stopped after a few days because it was making her feel too amped up and reactive to outside stimuli, like she was having too many thoughts at once. When I take my meds, though, I feel calm and quiet and focused. It's like someone's turned down the brightness and volume on the world. My thoughts form an orderly queue instead of all jumping and yelling for my attention at once and I can take my time dealing with them.\n\nI'm actually finding it a bit unnerving, though, like being underwater or in a dream. I don't feel like myself and it's triggering some anxiety.\n\nOne thing I'd really like to hear about is how does being on medication *feel* for you? I know the theory behind meds but I'm curious about the subjective experience. What changes when you take your meds? What stays the same? Anything unpleasant you have to deal with, and what benefits do you see?\n\nThanks to anyone who responds :) This sub is awesome and it's been really affirming knowing I'm not alone while I go through this.", "answer": "One of the big things that Vyvanse helps me with is regulating my emotions. Off my meds, I feel much more emotionally reactive and can swing from one end of the spectrum to another. Plus, I can get to feeling hyperactive, which can be a struggle for my wife to understand and deal with. \n\nOn my meds, my emotions and thoughts seem much more orderly and normal. I don\u2019t swing from highs to lows and back as much and everything\u2019s not as intense. The world just makes a lot more sense to me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b81c2f", "comment_id": "ejvmze2"}, {"question": "Woke up this morning for a hike. I wish it wasn\u2019t a hike cluttered with thoughts, but dammit, I hiked.", "description": "Got almost all 12,000 steps in for the day. Time for pre-lunch McDonald\u2019s. Have I mentioned this past week has been one giant junk food binge?", "answer": "Im early into this and i cant stop eating...junk food and everthing else. Im going with it. Anything but the booze. Good luck to u. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h83gr", "comment_id": "dyi6yef"}, {"question": "Should I leave?", "description": "I am desperate for some honest advice. Thank you for reading.\n\nI am a mid 30s F, married to a late 30s M for 5 years (together for 10). We are truly best friends. We like each other, laugh, travel, and have a great life together with shared friends and interests. He treats me well and loves me very much. We talk about growing old together. We have a dead bedroom and have had sex maybe a dozen times over the past three years. He has a low libido, mine is high. He also has challenges with alcohol (though is never abusive) and depression which he manages with medication. He is smart and kind.\n\nAs a result of the dead bedroom, we have recently opened our relationship for sex with other people. I have been seeing someone who I now consider my boyfriend, and it is becoming clear that I was missing more than just sex in my marriage, I was missing a romantic connection. I have fallen in love with this person. \n\nI know that my husband will do anything he can to keep me. He sees me slipping away and is taking steps to curb his drinking and change his meds. The truth is that I don't know if there is anything he can do at this point. It feels like we have always just been friends, and now that I know what romantic love looks like, it's hard to turn my back on it.\n\nI feel so lost and confused. I don't know what to do, and any scraps of advice would be really welcomed.\n\n*edited to say : No kids, minimal assets.", "answer": "always remember that 'new' ALWAYS seems better than 'familiar'.    romantic  intensity fades....though it certainly could fade to a much higher level than what you have with your spouse.  but will all the other aspects of your relationship with your bf be as great as it is with your spouse? that's the big question. also, if your spouse changes meds and stops drinking, his libido could increase by a lot.  in other words, there's a chance your marriage could be much improved.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqzyz", "comment_id": "de43jfg"}, {"question": "Psychologist job with mental illness", "description": "One of my dreams is to become a psychologist so I can help other people overcome their struggles in life however I have been diagnosed with depression in the past and I also use to self harm Can I still become a certified psychologist if I were to overcome my depression an self harm addiction or would I get rejected?", "answer": "Short answer: probably not.\n\nI think this depends a lot on where you are and the type of work you do, as well as the steps you take to manage your depression. \n\nIn states where I have lived , I was never asked about mental health history,  though clinical supervisors are sometimes asked if the student/applicant has any mental health condition that impairs their work .\n\nMental health issues , if they become a problem,  tend to pop up during grad school . 10 years of school and long, unpaid hours,  can be draining and stressful. Self care is really important. \n\nI also want to point out that not all psychologists treat depression.  If depression , or a specific population is a trigger for you , you can do a different type of work.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g0dzys", "comment_id": "fna511y"}, {"question": "When I hangout with people, I try to make sure we're more than 2 in total. Is this bad?", "description": "I dont think im socially awkward. I have no problem talking to people about deep topics or day to day topics, the problem is i dont know what to talk about. Im not a very interesting person in general, working on figuring out some hobbies for myself because i dont have any.\n\n​\n\nI work, gym, then go home and watch TV or spend hours on reddit, insta, etc. I have friends, we go out and its all good. But when im with just 1 person, I find difficulty coming up with topics to talk about and hence I try to have 2 people + me so they can generate conversation that I can join in. \n\n​\n\nIs this bad? What should i do to improve and have conversation topics?", "answer": "Read actual books. Books offer in-depth analysis and complex stories that will generate more interests compared to just scrolling and reading articles.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m truly curious about why this comment would get downvotes\u2014please feel free to explain! Books are wonderful, I\u2019m just not comprehending the downvotes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cji0vq", "comment_id": "evdg0j0"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin good for mild anxiety/slight depression? What else have you had luck with?", "description": "I have taken both Zoloft and celexa in the past. I thought Zoloft made me feel lethargic and groggy. Celexa was decent but I ended up discontinuing it because I thought I could handle my anxiety since I graduated college. I've been off celexa for about 10 months now and am going to talk to my doctor about starting one again. I was thinking about trying. wellbutrin. I am generally somewhat tired all the time the way it is and heard wellbutrin increases energy. Celexa gave me terrible dry mouth and made me put on a few extra pounds. Nothing crazy. Just 5 or so pounds. I've also heard wellbutrin is correlated to weight loss.\nAny input is much appreciated", "answer": "I have never been on an antidepressant before Wellbutrin, and I'm currently on week three, as of today actually. Since I'm so unfamiliar with antidepressants its really hard to say how big the changes have been, but I am more in control of my negative thinking than I was before, which also reduced my anxiety a little bit. I still have relapses in my anxiety, but it feels like it occurs less. My girlfriend today said that \"I've noticed you've been more happy the past week or two.\"\n\nBut it had some side effects, as of now the only thing I have is constant dry mouth (so I get bad breath a lot), and occasional headaches. \n\nThere was like a week and a half where I had an excruciating headache almost every day, and sometimes they would last up to like 4-5 hours. Now I get an occasional mild headache, maybe once or twice in the past week. I used to clinch my jaw really hard as well, I'm noticing it less than I was before, but I still think I clinch my jaw because its occasionally sore. Maybe two or three days in, I had a really weird depersonalization trip which made me want to stop using it. I was playing a videogame, and then I just started staring at the TV without doing anything for what felt like 3-4 minutes, it felt like I had tunnel vision just staring at the colors on the TV, my mouth just started hanging open too. Luckily that only happened once, but it made me feel really loopy.\n\nThat's all I can really provide, I don't know how antidepressants normally feel. As far as the energy goes, I noticed I'm not nearly as tired during most of the day (from waking up to about 6pm), but I crash really hard in the evenings (10pm+). Its to the point where I can't sit and watch TV without dozing off.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2oj1s9", "comment_id": "cmoavzv"}, {"question": "For Those Who Couldn't Metformin", "description": "For those of you who couldn't stay on metformin due to side effects, other medication did the doctor prescribe? I couldn't stay on met due to a nasty cough I developed, edema and fatigue so I'm curious what the next frontier may be. I'm taking inositol in the interim of my next blood test and medication prescription of whatever the doc tries next but I'm curious. Thanks in advance. \n\nUpdated to add: I absolutely love this thread and the posters. You guys are incredible and a wealth of knowledge for me during this PCOS journey. Thanks yall.", "answer": "Cinnamon + Berberine has sounded like a winning combo (with lower carb eating plan) for other folks I\u2019ve known who couldn\u2019t tolerate Metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8lxiik", "comment_id": "dzjje3r"}, {"question": "Is lip-syncing what you just said after you say it an AS trait?", "description": "It's been pointed out to me many, many times in my life that after I say something it looks like I silently repeat the same thing afterwards.\n\nI've never noticed it, not even once. I try to catch myself doing it, but people tell me I don't do it when I'm watching for it. But multiple people, from different times in my life have pointed this out to me.\n\nIs that an AS thing?\n\nEdit: grateful for all the responses. looks like it can be associated with AS in some cases. One more thing to add to my growing mountain of evidence that I may have this. I'm really glad I discovered this sub.", "answer": "All I can say is that I am an aspie and I do this.  It's almost if I am not satisfied by how I said something and try again (but in a whisper).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "2q3roq", "comment_id": "cn2u0wl"}, {"question": "Spironolactone Withdrawal and Weight Gain?", "description": "I\u2019ve gained a few pounds after going off Spiro, and I was wondering if it\u2019s a common side-effect. Does it eventually stabilise? Thx.", "answer": "Yup. Gained 12. Took a few months to get back to where I was. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9cmg8k", "comment_id": "e5cbwa0"}, {"question": "Can you get PTSD from something that\u2019s not actually bad?", "description": "I was molested when I was a kid, but had no memory of it. Last year, I got into a sketchy sexual situation that eventually got me diagnosed with PTSD. However, that doesn\u2019t make sense to me, because the more I think about it, and the more I learn about actual rape, the more I\u2019m certain what happened to me was not rape. But- it did trigger my memories of being molested as a kid, which I had been repressing until that situation. So even though I made up what happened (or at least, hugely exaggerated how bad it was) can I still have PTSD? I didn\u2019t make up the symptoms, even though I made up the event. But I\u2019m worried that since I was unable or unwilling to share the details of what actually happened last year, and could only manage to say \u201cI was raped\u201d (but now I know I wasn\u2019t) that the person diagnosing me *thought* something awful or life-threatening happened to me when it didn\u2019t. Does that mean my diagnosis is a lie, too? I am certain if I shared the truth about what happened that it would not qualify as rape. Not in a minimizing or denial way- it just genuinely doesn\u2019t count. Can I still have PTSD? Or do I have to re-think everything? I read on the internet that PTSD can develop from false memories, too. Mine isn\u2019t a false memory so much as a lie projected onto a regular bad memory. But can I still get PTSD from it?", "answer": "Rarely do people claim they were abused/molested without there being a serious problem (wether or not the claimed thing happened). That is my starting point when a patient says they were molested.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgio57", "comment_id": "euqcdyh"}, {"question": "I don't cry anymore", "description": "I've been to the brink of suicide and back, I've had everything I've ever wanted in life torn away from me and turned against me, and I've had loved ones die. Nothing makes me cry.\n\nI haven't cried in years. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried. Is this normal?", "answer": "It could be that with everything that has happened to you, it feels unsafe to start crying because you might not be able to stop, and the idea of that feels like losing the control you've held onto to get yourself through all that horribly hard stuff you've had to get yourself through.\n\nI'm here to say that it's safe to cry.  The well of tears is never bottomless.  I find it really helps to cry -- it lets out a lot of -- not sure what to call it -- bottled up feelings maybe?  When I cry I get more in touch with what's bothering me and when I'm done I feel emptied out and peaceful.\n\nThe fact that you're asking about it makes me think that on some level you think you might need to do it.  If so, go for it.  I usually do that by making myself think about things that make me sad until something gets me started.  Once you get started, you'll go until you're done.\n\nIt's kind of like sneezing or masturbating.  It gets stuff out of you that needs to come out.  It's good to do it periodically, I think.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17h081", "comment_id": "c85ef79"}, {"question": "Ex gf [23] broke up because she never experienced being single.", "description": "Little info - me and my ex were together for 4 years. We got together a little after she graduated high school. We\u2019ve pretty much been a part of each other\u2019s lives since. The first 3 years were great until we hit the summer of our 4th year. She started lying so she can stay out and party longer even though we had plans or have priorities to take care of the next day. Don\u2019t get me wrong she has really good qualities too, but I\u2019m just stating what I think was the start of it.\n\nAnyway, this last year has been a big roller coaster for me. Despite how much we\u2019ve fought and how much she\u2019s lied I\u2019ve always found it in my heart to forgive her because I love her so much. I\u2019ve always been forgiving because I want us to work it out. \n\nFast forward to last week, she did it. She broke up with me. I guess it\u2019s so hard for me because I didn\u2019t find her reason to be justifiable for a break up. She told me we\u2019ve been together for so long that she hasn\u2019t had a chance to develop and grow as an individual. As a single person. She wants to party without me being there or reminding her that we have things planned. She wants to fail and not have me there to pick her up. She wants to experience life without me. \n\nRecently we met up to talk and she told me that there have been times where I\u2019ve been overbearing on her and it\u2019s made me feel like I\u2019ve fucked up. So I asked her for a second chance so that I can improve, but she\u2019s unsure if she wants to get back. She\u2019s standing by her reasoning that she hasn\u2019t developed being single. \n\nI guess my question is, was her reason justifiable? If so, how do I get over her knowing I never got a second chance to make things right?\n\ntl;dr - ex broke up with me because she wants to experience being single. I\u2019m not taking it well. I need a direction to go from here. \n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t need a reason. She doesn\u2019t owe you an explanation.  \n\nWelcome to adult relationships. Go find someone who\u2019s happy to be with you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7t3dpi", "comment_id": "dt9ja67"}, {"question": "PTSD: it does get better, it just takes way too fucking long.", "description": "Hi forum,\n\nThought I'd post some things that have helped me deal with my PTSD.  I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from childhood trauma.\n\nFor several years until a little over a year ago, I was self-medicating symptoms with xanax, ritalin, and alcohol.  A lot of people on this forum discuss medications for symptoms, which, of course, as I am not a doctor I can't speak to your case. Except to say - be very careful.\n\nI was mis-diagnosed with anxiety issues years ago.  I thought that seemed fitting, as I was not having flashbacks at that time, and I did not know that all of that shit had happened to me before adolescence.  I abused pills and alcohol for several years.\n\nI got sober a bit over a year ago.  I went to rehab, thank goodness, for drug and alcohol abuse. There, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I had flashbacks daily.  It was terrifying. I was constantly flipping my shit - and I had no drugs to curb the effects of the panic and rage.  I would cry and sob, huddled up in a ball in the corner of my room, for hours and hours on end. One day, I felt so much despair and sadness and hopelessness, I thought that if I woke up the next day still feeling that way, I would definitely kill myself.  I woke up still feeling like shit, but a little less like shit, so I did not kill myself (clearly.) \n\nI spent 5 months in this center, because I was not able to care for myself.  I stayed until I was nearly 7 months sober, and had some basic confidence that I would be able to refrain from committing suicide, although I still thought about it everyday constantly. \n\nThe super annoying thing is, that so many people told me I should take anti-depressants, because clearly, I was depressed.  Uhm, no, suicidality can happen for other reasons besides depression. Was I sad? Absolutely.  And even though sadness is a symptom of depression, it also happens to be a symptom of many other problems - such as PTSD, trauma, realizing your parents who should have loved you hated your guts enough to hit you and hurt you and break you, and that you could no longer continue a relationship with them because they still hated your guts and just wanted you around still, as they always had, as their own personal punching bag and dumping ground - yeah, those things cause sadness too.  And I was in early recovery, recovering from pill addiction, and still, so many people responded to my PTSD/grief by telling me that pills were the answer to my sadness.  Not everybody who has a headache has brain cancer, not every recovering person who is sad has depression. \n\nAnyways, I was in inpatient rehab for 5 months because I could not take care of myself and I was pretty certain I would commit suicide if I left.  When I left I was 7 months sober and still pretty certain I would kill myself, I was just too unmotivated to do it at that time, so I procrastinated.  I thought about it a lot though.  \n\nFor the first 4 months, they happened daily.  After that, I had a break of 3 or 4 days and then 2-3 days of flashbacks, and then a 3-4 day break again.  By the 9th month of sobriety, they had slowed down to a few times a month.  I still get them now.  I had a flashback two days ago.  \n\nBy the 9th month, when they slowed down, I noticed an obvious and disconcerting change.  I noticed that I was not nearly as hyper vigilant as I always had been in the past.  I walked around the city, and I noticed, it was so obviously different - I was calmer, and more \"down.\"  I was not on-guard, with racing thoughts and pulse and heart rate.  I was calm. This, while technically progress, terrified me.  \n\nI went and hid and my room and stopped going outside, except for my therapy sessions three times per week.  Without my hyper vigilance, I felt unprepared.  I know people are dangerous, I know they will attack at any moment, I know they are unpredictable and want to cause harm. But now, not being hyper vigilant - I was *unprepared.*  This terrified me, and I hid in my apartment for the next 5 months.  I would not even go to the grocery store unless I absolutely had to (like for toilet paper.) Otherwise, I would eat the rice and pasta that I had in bulk in my apartment, and just eat that for weeks.  I lost 20 pounds in six months, and not from choice.  My stomach was in knots, and I felt sick all the time.  I went to the doctor for physical tests, and everything came back fine; as I suspected, it was my anxiety that tied me up in knots.  \n\nI dissociated badly. For me, this looked mostly like me pacing and talking to myself, but sometimes, I would just get lost in my head silently.  For the first 10 months of sobriety, I would lose an entire day - 12 hours straight, with no awareness of the passage of time.  This must have slowly decreased, because by the 13th month sober, I dissociated about 3-4 hours per day, on average. Now, I dissociate about 20-60 minutes per day, and usually not all at once either.  I still dissociate badly when anxious, or when people are talking to me and saying things that affect me emotionally.  That's why I still use reddit so much; I can re-read what people type, as opposed to asking for repetition or missing parts of conversations. \n\nFor the first 15 months, I've woken up each morning either violently sobbing, panic-stricken and screaming, or enraged and throwing fists in the air.  It got to the point where I became afraid to go to sleep, because I knew waking up would be so brutal.  I wailed so hard I thought I'd break the windows and crack the walls; I'm still surprised my neighbors never called the police.  I developed some very OCD-like tendencies, but only right before bed - I think in a cooky attempt to procrastinate going to sleep, as I knew the wake-up would be vicious. \n\nI've been going outside more very little by very little.  I have individual therapy 3x per week and group therapy 3x per week.  I don't think of suicide so often anymore.  Six days ago, I woke up one morning and felt confused. Something was different. It took me a full 30 seconds to realize what: I felt better.  I woke up peacefully and happily for the first time in many, many years.  The next few mornings were awful again, and then, yesterday - I woke up feeling ok again. This morning, not ok.  But I now know it is possible.  So I was less afraid to go to sleep last night. \n\n**Here are the things I did that have helped me with PTSD symptoms and trauma recovery**\n\n1. Individual Therapy.  Absolutely necessary for me.  I have a trauma specialist, who I continue to see two - three times per week.  There is no way I could have gotten this far without professional individual therapy from a trauma specialist. \n\n2. Group Therapy - my group therapy surrounds addiction issues, but I know there are group therapy groups surrounding various traumatic experiences that can induce PTSD.  Group therapy has been so important, because it gave me a safe space within which to learn how to deal with being triggered by people. As mine is interpersonal trauma, my triggers often involve interactions with other people. Group therapy taught me to manage these triggers, and to learn to re-connect to people.  It taught me how to handle my mistrust feelings, and try to connect with people despite my fears.\n\n3.  Meditation.  This has helped immensely. It actually did not help me curb my dissociation - that was my initial goal in starting this.  I wanted to be more present, and that is what people say meditation helps with. Meditation did not help me decrease my dissociation, and actually, for several months, I had some kind of kick-back reaction to meditation, and I dissociated worse in the hours following meditation.  People told me to take it slowly, and they were right. First 20 minutes every other day or every third day, then eventually 30 minutes per day, and now 20-30 minutes once or twice every day.  It definitely helped with trauma processing.  I would have memories released during meditation, but they did not come as flashbacks.  That was much less brutal and terrifying.  I also had flashbacks released after meditation that *did* come as flashbacks, so, like I said, easy on the meditation.\n\n4. Yoga. I refused to do yoga for the first year - I flat out refused. But when I started doing it, it helped me reconnect my brain and body.  Dissociation happens when the brain is trying to escape the negative feelings in the body.  Yoga helped my body feel less uncomfortable.  I don't understand that whole thing of \"emotions get trapped in the body\" that people say, but some stuff was definitely trapped in my body, and yoga helped my body feel better. At first, it did not help with dissociation either; like with meditation, I had some kind of kick-back where I would actually dissociate worse after yoga. After 5 months of meditation, and 2 months of yoga, I began to notice substantial over-all improvement in a decrease in how badly and for how long I dissociated and lost time. I can pay attention a bit better in conversations too, though to admit, I still dissociate quite badly when people are talking to me and saying something that resonates with me. \n   \n5. The Alpha-Stim. This product is very expensive, and my understanding is that insurance does not help with the purchase of this product.  A doctor or therapist script is required for purchase.  It is a medical device with ear-clips, that sends electrical impulses in alternating pulses to your ears. It is similar to the concept of EMDR, but different. I have done EMDR, and EMDR did not work for me. This product has helped immensely. It has decreased my anxiety and has made the most immediately noticeable difference in decreasing my dissociation and increasing my presence and awareness. \n\n6.  Reddit.  It has really helped me to be able to come onto this forum and other forums and talk about my struggles.  With dissociation being as bad as it has been for me when in conversation, being able to read responses (and re-read them, and re-read them) has been so helpful to me.  With my feelings of mistrust too, reddit has been a safe way to interact with people.  If I had not had reddit, I would *not* have gone outside and associated with others still; I simply would have been more isolated and alone.  So reddit helped re-introduce me to humanity, when I was too scared and fragile-feeling to be willing to venture outside into the realm of real people. \n\n7.  Reading about my issues. Some books I liked: \"Complex PTSD\" by Pete Walker.  \"Waking the Tiger\", \"Healing from Developmental Trauma\", \"Schema Therapy\" by Jeffrey Young, and \"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem\" by Nathaniel Branden. \n\n8. Sobriety.  I have had to be sober to recover.  I was abusing xanax and ritalin and alcohol, among occasional other substances when I got bored/overwhelmed/empty, and I needed to kick this in order to begin to recover.  I never could have made it this far still using substances as I was. \n\n9. Removing my abusers from my life. I could not have recovered if I were still in those abusive relationships with my parents.  They have always seen me as a punching bag, and until recently, I thought it was my responsibility to learn to tolerate their abuse better, because they taught me that, and they have always refused to take any responsibility for their abusive and violent and cruel behavior.  Because they always failed to take responsibility for their behavior, and because they taught me that it was my job to stop being so \"sensitive\" and to \"toughen-up\" and to learn how not to be a \"problem child,\"  I believed until last year that it was me who had to learn to tolerate their abuse better, because that is what a good daughter does for her parents.  I now know that they taught me the biggest lies most abusers teach their victims: that the abuse is the victim's fault, that the victim provokes the abuse by being a \"bad\" person or a \"defective\" person or a \"problem\", and that she or he does not deserve any better than the abuse she or he is receiving from the abusers.  Untangling these life-long lies has required intensive professional help.  It required the removal of my safety threats from my realm of existence.  I had to cut my parents out completely, as they demonstrated an ongoing desire to refuse to acknowledge their responsibility to stop abusing, and continued to re-iterate that it was my responsibility to learn how to handle their abuse more gracefully. Removing my abusers from my life has brought intense grief (also not depression, no I did not need anti-depressants to medicate away feelings of grief and mourning and loss) but it has been necessary to achieve what recovery I have from the trauma they induced.  Establish safety: first rule of recovery from trauma.\n\n10. I did not kill myself.  This helped immensely. \n\nI've still got a very long road ahead of me, and I don't consider myself remotely \"recovered\" yet (whatever that means, I'm not entirely sure.)  I have a long, long road yet, and many days are still very bad days. I still have tons of problems that I post all over other forums here, but, suffice it to say, it does get better.\n\n**My point is, it does get better.  I've listed some things that have helped me.** ", "answer": "This is beautiful, not the hell of your trauma experience nor the experience of recovery, but how well you've described the extremely hard work you've done and the simple tenacity you've demonstrated by doing the work.  And you've seen results which is awesome even though its not perfect (what is?).  I'm super proud of you and I don't know you at all.   ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "3suot6", "comment_id": "cx13gnq"}, {"question": "Therapists, what happens when you see your client has been isolated?", "description": "I'm writing a story that involves my character going to therapy sessions, and she's been isolated most of her life. She's recently made a friend (although she doesn't know that she made him up) and here's where I have questions. In psychology, how does a therapist know that she's been isolated? What disorders are related to that? What questions might a therapist ask?", "answer": "In an intake,  I always ask about social support. \n\n\"What is your current living situation? Anyone else in the house ?\"\n\n\"Are you in a romantic relationship?\"\n\"Tell me about your friends. \"\n\n\"What was it like growing up in your family?\"\n\"What kind of work do you do?\"\n\"What do you do for fun?\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hsceh8", "comment_id": "fy9klw4"}, {"question": "Paranoia Help?", "description": "I've recently been struggling with paranoid thoughts, for which I was hospitalized for my own safety. I do not feel suicidal anymore, however everyday is a long struggle of thinking everyone is an undercover agent out to get me or keep tabs on what I'm doing. I was hoping to hear some tips and stories if anyone else has dealt with similar thoughts and overcome them? Or are they something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life? Thanks in advance", "answer": "Paranoid thoughts are scared thoughts, justified or not. If you ignore the specific content of the thoughts and focus on the emotional valence (scared), is there something you can do in those moments to feel safer?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bsjuw", "comment_id": "dhpav7e"}, {"question": "[22/m] I can't meet my boss's [40+/f] expectations because she doesn't even remember them. How do I deal with this? (Crosspost from /r/jobs)", "description": "Tl;dr: My boss forgets that she explicitly tells me to do certain things, then criticizes me for following her instructions. She doesn\u2019t respect that I remember things she tells me, and that I do remember when she hasn\u2019t told me something. She has a habit of implying her expectations rather than stating them outright, and I\u2019ve received veiled comments from previous employees warning about all of these experiences. Should I stay or should I go? If I stay, what options are available to me to get my boss to be consistent so I can actually achieve goals?\n\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nFor some context, I am a recent college graduate, and this is my first \u201creal\u201d job with a boss. I work in an academic laboratory setting.\n\n\nWhen I first interviewed with my current boss, my boss felt that my skills would better suited to a different position that didn\u2019t actually exist yet. Interested, I asked for a job description. To this day I have never received one, the explanation being that it would be easier for her to hire me as a part-time temp for 6 months rather than having to go through the whole job-posting procedure again. The hiring manager told me that I could be taken on full-time after this period depending on certain circumstances both in and out of my control. Despite not getting this arrangement in writing, I took the job. I am unsure as to whether this is common practice for a \u201cprobationary period.\u201d\n\n\nMy title is *research assistant*, and given this, I expected that I would be assisting a *research coordinator*. According to the hiring manager, this was supposed to be the case, but my boss lost her primary candidate for the coordinator position to a different job. \n\n\nOnce I started, it became clear that she expected me to pick up the slack. This would have been fine had I not also discovered that my boss\u2019s expectations of my abilities and responsibilities change without warning. \n\n\n**My boss forgets that she explicitly tells me to do certain things.**\n\nOn my first day, my boss hand-wrote a note telling me to add [Abby] to a legal document. I offered to put myself on the document, but she refused, citing that I am only a part-time employee, and she wanted a full-time employee on the document.\n\nFollowing her written instructions, I approach [Abby] who declines. I e-mail my boss informing her of the situation and outline some options for moving forward. \n\nMy boss replies to the e-mail with phrases like \u201cas discussed quite thoroughly this morning,\u201d and \u201cWhere are you getting this idea? Please let me know.\u201d *She had forgotten her explicit instructions to me.* So I scan her own note into an e-mail, and repeat the options I listed before. I felt the tone of her e-mail was unnecessarily criticizing, but I let that slide, aside from noting that I am trying my best to reconcile our communication styles.\n\nMy boss never responded to my second e-mail, nor has she addressed her mistake to me in person. So while I was sitting there waiting for something to come out of radio silence, she went ahead and took a completely different option I hadn\u2019t suggested. Despite part of my job being to keep her legal documents in sync, I had to find out from a third party that she had made this change without informing me, the person she hired to keep track of such things.\n\n\n**My boss doesn\u2019t respect that I remember the things she tells me, and that I do recognize the things she has never told me.**\n\nI am a newcomer to my boss\u2019s project, but since my boss is an understandably busy person, I have had to learn all the details of the project from multiple sources. What I\u2019ve found is that she\u2019s entirely inconsistent among the different sources, and she doesn\u2019t remember/realize that she\u2019s been inconsistent when I quote them directly.\n\nI think it\u2019s entirely fair for me to approach her about these discrepancies because not only am I the only group member concerned with this side of the project, but also really only she knows the details of how she wants her project designed. There\u2019s no one else to ask. However, I often get brushed off or told that I should know the answer to my own question as it\u2019s my job. I suspect she thinks I\u2019m incompetent when in truth my questions come from the information she has given me herself.\n\nMy boss also recently called me out in front of a group meeting that I had missed a meeting with her and one of her colleagues. I, perhaps stupidly, immediately said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2014 I don\u2019t believe I was explicitly told about such a meeting.\u201d She replies with, \u201cThat was not the appropriate way to respond. It was on my calendar. You need to write down what I tell you.\u201d She had never told me that she set up that meeting. This is my only job, and it\u2019s part-time at that. She asks me to send her e-mail reminders about small tasks all the time, so it\u2019s concerning that she has examples of me remembering extremely low-priority tasks, yet thinks I would forget something as important as a meeting. It may have been \u201con her calendar,\u201d but I\u2019m pretty sure that she confused her past *intention* that I be at the meeting with an actual *expression* of that intention.\n\n\n**My boss has a habit of implying expectations rather than explicitly stating them.**\n\nEarly in my stint with my boss, she stated in a weekly group meeting, \u201cYou should be in [the hospital] on Monday afternoons.\u201d From the context of the conversation, I thought this was a suggestion for the future, as the project wasn\u2019t ready for the hospital \u2014 my co-workers needed to complete some critical logistical details. This being the case, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to do anything had I been at the hospital. \n\nI find out from a co-worker the next day that my boss expected me to be at the hospital the day before, immediately following the meeting \u2014 my boss had e-mailed the co-worker about my absence, but not me. In fact, I have actually not heard from my boss any mention that I made an error in this. Taken with the experience where she told me that I needed to \u201cwrite down\u201d things she tells me, my boss probably thinks that I don\u2019t pay attention to what she says. That\u2019s untrue \u2014 I took into account the information I had *just* presented to her and came to the conclusion that hers was a statement about the future, whereas she had meant \u201cI want you to be at the hospital starting this afternoon despite what you have just told me.\u201d Why would I ever assume the latter when the task I would perform hadn\u2019t yet been *legally* approved to start?\n\n\n**I believe I\u2019ve been given warnings by older and past employees about her tendency to be inconsistent.**\n\nI have gotten veiled statements from older and past employees that seem to hint that my experience is not out of the ordinary. One stated that my boss \u201chas been known to constantly change her mind\u201d on important details of projects. Another past employee kept insisting that he was \u201csympathetic\u201d to my and my co-worker\u2019s needs and to contact him if we needed any \u201chelp on how to work with\u201d my boss. An employee of my boss\u2019s colleague noted that my boss expected her to do things the employee wasn\u2019t responsible for. She also warned me to \u201cbe careful\u201d about my status as a temp and the circumstances of my hiring. \n\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nIt\u2019s basically been a month since I have started this job, but I need some advice about going forward. \n\nShould I view this management style as a red-flag and drop it while it\u2019s still early, or should I stick it out? \n\nWhat could I do to make my boss more receptive to the fact that I am paying attention to what she wants of me, but I can\u2019t possibly keep up if she doesn\u2019t even remember where she places the goalposts?", "answer": "I would start looking for a new job ASAP... yes, you *can* learn to deal with a boss like this, but usually not without it taking extreme tolls on your sanity, health, and general well-being.\n\nIn the meantime, I would document, document, document-- Email is a good forum for this.  After you have a conversation with her, type up the outcome/directions from that conversation, and send them to her to \"make sure [I] understood everything you wanted and didn't miss anything.\"  Then you have a paper trail-- Keep copies of these emails incase they mysteriously disappear off the server.  I like to bcc my gmail account for this.\n\nThen, keep a log book (again, I like to keep a google doc for this, something not on the company server) and keep track of all the \"mistakes\" and interactions that are bizarre, condecending... AND examples of how you tried to rectify the issues etc.  Worst case scenario, you get fired and she tries to deny you unemployment or something, you'll have proof to back you up. You can always see if you can take these things to HER boss if things escalate that far.\n\nBut, in the meantime.... start job hunting.  Get a new job soon enough and you never have to put this shitty one on your resume.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1nbxmp", "comment_id": "cchdo9h"}, {"question": "[20 F] Is he just leading me on?", "description": "So I've only ever had one relationship, but it was long-distance so I only ever got to see the guy a couple of times within the span of 2 years.\n\nFast-forward to last Winter, and I had been seeing a guy for a month. I know it was only a month, but we were on break and we saw each other a LOT. He visited me at work and bought me smoothies and we went out all the time. We started out as friends and then he told me he liked me. I was scared to start a relationship because I wasn't sure how they worked, and if I got into one I KNEW I would be too emotionally invested. We texted casually everyday and he seemed perfect. We had the same taste in clothes, music, the same stances on politics and social justice, and he just seemed like an amazing human being.   \n\nPersonality-wise and socially, however, we were completely different. He's extremely extroverted with a lot of friends - I'm extremely introverted with the same core friend group from high school. His parents let him do whatever while mine won't even let me date until post-college. I've lived an extremely sheltered life (I still do, to some extent), while he just... hasn't. He told me I was beautiful and he said he liked seeing me. He tried to pay for all our meals and bought me a really nice Christmas present. \n\nAnd then, after New Years, he broke up with me. He said something along the lines of how because of his personality he always relied on people for companionship, and how he wanted to be independent. He said he didn't think he wanted to pursue things romantically with me anymore, and that he wanted to be friends. He also said something else about how we were on different paths, which is true, but it still really hurt to hear it. I was really upset... I had really liked him. To make matters worse, we continued on with our date and I ended up losing my virginity to him at my house, post-breakup. I cried and he comforted me saying things like \"it's for the best\", but he still slept with me knowing I had feelings for him. \n\nI told him I didn't want to see him or talk to him for a while, but that I would still be his friend after some time had elapsed. After a couple of weeks, I had cooled down and decided to try messaging him again. He said something like \"Hey, I was just thinking about you earlier\".\n\nWhy does he have to word things like that? Or just say those things in general? I thought I was fine, but I don't think I'm completely over it yet. I don't even know how to be friends with him again, but I still think about him all the time and I still feel the urges to message him. What should I do? ", "answer": "Losing your virginity is a very emotional thing. But he wants fwb, not a relationship, and if you want a relationship, I would cease contact and move on because you're just going to be hurt more.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omz2b", "comment_id": "dckjr4w"}, {"question": "Is hoarding items a common occurrence during post bereavement grief?", "description": "My grandfather recently passed away and has left a lot of items to the rest of the family to sort out. My father was his son and is responsible for some of the house clearing, however, I do not feel he is able to at the moment due to being overwhelmed with grief. He doesn\u2019t show it but it seems to be there. Now that he is acting on the will he has bought some stuff home to sort through and potentially sell but I don\u2019t feel he\u2019ll be in the right place to do it. This means that our (once tidy) living room is filled with various items that once belonged to his dad and any time my mother and I try and confront him about it he becomes very defensive. Is this common with grief and is there a way we can help him along?", "answer": "Well.... time is really the key factor.  How long has it been since his father passed?  If it was in the last couple of weeks, having the stuff in your living room I'd say would be fairly normal for anyone.  He has to take some  time to process his grief before he can decide what he wants to keep and what can be thrown out/donated.  If it's only been a few weeks, I'd expect anyone to become defensive about moving the things or getting rid of them.  If you want to be supportive, I'd recommend learning to cope with the fact that your living room is going to be a bit cluttered until your husband can process some of his grief and sort things out (literally and figuratively).  As he gets closer to doing this, it may be helpful for you to offer to go through some of the things with him, talk about what is meaningful to him and what he can part with.  It may also be helpful to have the family over for a day to pick out some things they would like to keep.  Him knowing that the things are in good hands can help with the process.\n\n\nIf it's been months, the behavior isn't so typical.  It's usually a sign that there's something blocking the grieving process and it might be helpful for him to get some professional help with the issue.  \n\n\nIn either case, if you don't feel like you'll be able to cope with your cluttered living room, the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him about it and work together to find a workable solution for where you can keep the things in your house that will be more out of the way until he can get around to going through them.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cjunxe", "comment_id": "evg86yf"}, {"question": "Big sex frustration only for my side [25m&f]", "description": "Context : both 25, we don't live in the same appartment but it's a ten minute walk between our home, we know eachother for 8 years but we just started being together in january last year. She prefer to watch any tv show than having sex.\n\nSo my problem is this : we don't have at all the same want in sex.  We are in love, she's perfect for me (mental & body) but she don't like sex. She accept 1 or 2 time a month, she's not passionate at all, she don't want to discover what sex is. She seems prude inside and not at all outside. It drive me crazy. I'm never asking for sex anymore, i just wait until she say start. No bj, no sexy hugs, always wearing big pajama like a buckler.  \nI'm so frustrated (it's been more than 1 year, and I think we did it 20times) and I have no solutions that could fit.  \n  \nI don't want to leave her, she promised a lot of efforts but i never actually saw them.  Yesterday i bought some fun sextoys with her (nothing scary) but it seems not enough...  I tried a LOT of different things/ways to approach her and propose sex but 98% of the time i'm rejected.  \nAny advice before my head explode ?  ", "answer": "She doesn't have a strong instinctual drive. She doesn't NEED it the way you do. Unless it's due to a medical problem, it likely won't change. Relationships are a package deal. You have to decide if her other qualities outweigh this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68inyp", "comment_id": "dgywvch"}, {"question": "I'm not an alcoholic, but I want to know how much is too much.", "description": "I'm 5'10\" 110lb female and recently I've been exposed to alcohol. I ended up drinking over 8 bottles that night, and I continued to drink a few bottles through the morning and afternoon. I'm afraid I might get alcohol poisoning, so for my size how much is too much? I didn't black out during the night and I thought I was in good control of myself, but my stomach wasn't too happy about the quantity of alcohol I drank. Still there's a bit of pain in my stomach. It feels like I'm really really hungry and my stomach is curling up into itself. I asked my friends what their level off is and they said 8 beers. But they're over 200lb and males. I'm not sure when I should stop.", "answer": "It's so relative I have a hard time believing anyome here can tell you. I'm a 5'8\" 170 male and my cut off was when i physically could not intake more or when I ran out so I was around 24 beers a night. So there's really no way for us to tell you because it's so circumstantial.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hathy", "comment_id": "caskzl8"}, {"question": "Planning a big move in early sobriety! (What the hell was I thinking?!!)", "description": "I got sober in Colorado Springs about 8 months ago, and I've been working a fairly strict program. Regular meetings, weekly jam sessions with my sponsor, and spending lots of time with people also working the same program. Honestly, 90% of the people I talk to are in AA with me. I've been in school to finish my prerequisites for my masters, and was trying to figure out where I want to go back to school. As much as I've liked getting sober here, Texas is where I call home and where I want to eventually teach (my masters will be in education). \n\nThe academic program doesn't start until May 1, but I'm already putting some feelers out looking for jobs back in Dallas. I figured it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Except now I'm totally obsessing over the move and how the hell I'm going to do this financially and what it's going to be like starting over again and how much I'll miss my home group and the friendships I've built here. Ive been trying to ease up on the stress, and I'm usually okay for a bit but once I try to go to bed, my brain starts running on overdrive. \n\nAnyone else have experience moving in early sobriety? What obstacles should I expect (other than the ones I put up for myself)? Is it normal to be freaked out about this big of a change? ", "answer": "I moved to Texas for school at a little more than nine month sober. Before I left I was fearing the move and was scared of the differences between AA at home and AA here. I was freaking out about a ton of minute things. Right before I left one of the old timers I look up to told me, \"It's not change that's painful, it's the fight we put up against change that is painful.\" For me to be successful in the move I had to do my best not to fight the change in circumstances. I also had to do the same things I did back home. That being; going to meetings, actively working the twelve steps, doing services work, surrounding myself with other recovering alcoholics. That is all very easy to do, but not being a regular anymore and not knowing anyone made me fearful about going to meetings. Once I got back into the swing of things like I was back home though things have never been better.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1s23vf", "comment_id": "cdtg6o3"}, {"question": "Am I a fool for going into this ?", "description": "I started seeing my sisters boyfriends friend, he is lovely to me but it's kind of long distance ( 30 min plane ride ) apart. My sister says he is a total player and cheated on his ex . I know this is true that he cheated and I spoke to him about it and he told me that it's true as well and he doesn't feel great about it but he wasn't happy in the relationship for a while. \n\nI had got over that and now my sister tells me that on nye he went back to his friends house and kissed his friends sister . I'm so disappointed in him and upset. We had just spent a really nice two weeks together and then two days later he does that. hOwever it was the start of us dating and I had told him to do what he wants and we weren't exclusive. My sister reckons he is a total dick with no respect and I'm making a huge mistake . \n\nI am considering breaking it off with him. But ... Shouldn't I give him a chance? He hasn't really done anything wrong but unfortunately I've had all his dirty Laundry Airred out in front of me so I have a few options\n1run now and cut my loses.\n2 date him and give him a chance.\n3 date him but dump him cos I'm gonna be paranoid about him cheating on me. \n\nIs a cheat always a cheat ? And should I be annoyed about him kissing another girl if we weren't together ? I'm not sure i wouldn't have done the same if I'd met someone cute that night? .... ", "answer": "i would ask him if he indeed has a history of cheating on girlfriends, and go from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s7xi2", "comment_id": "ddd0r8f"}, {"question": "im 13 and", "description": "i feel like my depression isnt valid. im constantly reminded that other people have it worse than me, and im starting to believe that i dont deserve to call myself mentally ill. the people who know tell me that because im not cutting or committing suicide, im \"fake depressed\". im seriously considering it, partly to prove them wrong and partly so that nobody has to see my face ever again.\n\non another note, ive always been told i was a gifted child. they said i was the smartest of my batch in grade school. and now that im in a prestigious high school, im having an extremely hard time. the stress and the knowledge that im not living up to peoples expectations is pushing me over the edge. \n\ni havent told my family im depressed, but i feel like they know. im scared to tell them in case they have a negative reaction. the first person i told (my friend) said that i didnt deserve to take up a spot in a government-funded school if im just gonna kill myself and waste it all.\n\nthats it, i guess. thanks for listening to my problems. youre a few of the only people that have.", "answer": "Your feelings are valid. There is no comparison on who feels even worse. That's just stupid.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cpra0x", "comment_id": "ewub6hp"}, {"question": "I (27M) am about to do something I may regret to her (29F)", "description": "I'm a terrible terrible person and fuck I hate myself but I don't know if I can not do this. I'm married, have been for several years. Long-distance with my wife for a while now. Before we met we both had some baggage coming into the relationship, mine was this desire that I hadn't done enough sexually before meeting her. We both acknowledged this and in the beginning she was open to a more open relationship. As things went on though, things kind of steamrolled and now we've been married for several years, she doesn't want to do any of the things anymore that we had initially thought about. Now we are long-distance and we see each other less and less. I told her how I get these urges once and she said she didn't want to talk about it with me, but that she may be okay with me having a physical relationship with others. But she has severe generalized anxiety and anything off course about anything sets her off and I basically boil over inside because I can't tell her how I've been feeling recently...\n\n Now there is this cute girl messaging me from work that wants to hang out today. I was flirting with her for sure, I shouldn't have done that. And she's made her intentions pretty clear for the weekend... fuck this is what I always wanted, but it is gut-wrenching and it's going to hurt her. Even if I never bring it up and it stays hidden (which I'd doubt), it's going to haunt me. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't know what advice I want. I'm obviously a fuck-up. I don't deserve my wife. But maybe I would regret not doing this too...fuck.", "answer": "You either want to be in a committed monogamous relationship or you don't. Always best to maximize the status quo before making a major decision about the future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xh1we", "comment_id": "dei0zac"}, {"question": "What's Up Wednesday", "description": "[It's. that. day. again. Guess what day it is!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi9eTOqqTMs)\n\nYou guessed it. Happy hump day! What's up Wednesdays are when we calibrate our sobriety, check in, see how our /sd buds are doing, and support each other. Share your struggles, triumphs, and general chat-type contemplations with us below!\n\n**Triumph:** I am absolutely crushing my new role at work. It feels good and the change of pace is nice. \n\n**Struggle:** Have been not working out as much as I would like, life is busy and I am not making the time to prioritize fitness. I know it's affecting my mood and I need to re-center myself and get back on track.\n\n**General:** Loving this cooler weather!!! How is everyone enjoying the change of seasons where they are?", "answer": "Triumph: 51 days sober for the first time ever.  Had a great conversation the other day with husband about his drinking and attempts to moderate.\n\nStruggle: Feeling burnt out at work last week carrying over into this week.  It's really, really hot and humid and sticky here and that is irritating me.\n\nGeneral: I cannot wait for actual fall weather.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d5rzzy", "comment_id": "f0p25dc"}, {"question": "Can never seem to find a type of therapy that is fitted to my needs... can anyone help? [a bit of a rant]", "description": "I don't really know what my diagnosis-type problem is. I've felt extremely depressed, had numerous panic attacks, flashbacks to abuse, and episodes of dissociation with my own personality (I recognize this is ironic as right now I'm writing this for the dominant personality of my brain, though I am her alter). I know that the problem I have with therapy is that I go into complete shock when I walk into their office and put on my happy-girl disguise. I know I emanate an air of \"everything's fine but sometimes my problems stress me out and I get a little upset.\" But every time I try to be honest (for example, this past semester I JUST told a therapist about abuse that occurred four years ago, and it freaked me out so much that I never went back) I end up backtracking and making it seem less big of a deal than it actually is. \n\nI've been to three or four different therapists, and all of them seem to just want to let me talk until I feel better. The problem is, that isn't going to help me. The problems I have aren't just stress or things I need to work through, they have other causes. Aren't therapists allowed to... you know... suggest ways to help? And I don't mean \"well, have you tried making lists of things you need to do to make yourself less anxious?\" \n\nMy GP has me on a high dose of Buspirone for \"some low-level anxiety\"  but I don't feel like it does anything. \n\nI don't really know what to do. I'm at a loss. Any help would be appreciated. ", "answer": "> I've been to three or four different therapists, and all of them seem to just want to let me talk until I feel better. \n\nAt the beginning stages for most kinds of therapy, this is kind of how it goes -- the therapist does a lot of listening because they're trying to conceptualize your situation. It would be a little presumptuous and disrespectful for a therapist to offer suggestions before they had a solid understanding of your case. \n\nBecause you felt comfortable telling your latest therapist about your abuse, even though it freaked you out later, maybe you should try going back. It sounds like you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, which, even though it's scary, is excellent progress. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "16a7cg", "comment_id": "c7u5t49"}, {"question": "College Anxiety...I don't know what to do...I think I'm just too stupid to learn.", "description": "So...Here's the thing...I dropped out of High School at 16. I got a GED. I got Ds and Fs in High School and now I'm going to be starting college to get my degree in Computer Science so I can be a programmer...The problem is, going to college gives me such severe anxiety. I have this extreme phobia that I'm just too stupid to learn anything. Like I just keep having these images in my head of me reading textbooks, listening to lectures and trying really hard to learn things but it just doesn't...Stick...If that makes sense. I've had similar anxieties about learning new languages, like if I try to learn a second language I just won't be able to, like my brain won't process it. I just...I don't know...I can't fail college. I keep fearing I won't learn, I'll fail college which will make my girlfriend leave me and I can't go through that...I almost feel like I should just not bother with college and see if I can convince my girl to let me be a stay at home dad...But I don't think that will work, so I have no choice here...\n\nThanks for listening to my ramblings. If anyone can help, that would be appreciated.", "answer": "It is perfectly natural to be anxious about starting school. Everyone from kindergarteners to first-year PhD students get nervous about their new programs. Think back to a time when you were anxious about something (possibly about going to school). Was it as bad as you thought it would be? How did you cope with that situation? \n\nI highly doubt that you are too stupid to learn anything. That is your anxiety talking, that's not you. You had a rough time in high school it sounds like, but you got your GED. That is not as easy as many people make it out to be. College for most people has less to do with intelligence and more to do with motivation and perseverance. You might not get things right away, but it is more important that you keep trying and get into a routine. College is also about learning about yourself, becoming who you want to be, and networking with people who are going to be working in the same or similar field. \n\nIf you think it would be helpful, most colleges have a counselor/advisor that is assigned to you and can help with some of the concerns you are having. Perhaps that is something you would like to look into?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "3erllt", "comment_id": "cthv683"}, {"question": "How to conquer/tips on social anxiety", "description": "I recently started working at a new Police Department. Every one is really nice and welcoming. However, I've always been terrified of social situations. I know what to say and how to act , it's just always kind of forced. Especially around women. I have a fiance, so I'm not looking for a girl friend. I was just wondering if any one had some tips for me on being more outgoing and well, less forced. Thanks!", "answer": "Couple of things, one simple/practical, one a little deeper.  \n\n1.  Greet everyone you make eye contact with regularly.  Even if this feels forced, just start making it a habit.  You'll come off as friendly and approachable.  \n\n\n2.  Don't try to impress everyone or make everyone like you.  No matter what you do or how you act, there are people at your job right now who will really like you for who you are, some who will be completely put off by you, and the majority fall somewhere in between.  Figure out who you connect with and spend more time socializing with them than the others.  The only thing that most people will be put off by is the person who attempts to please everyone.  \n\nBe civil to everyone though no matter where they fall on that spectrum, after all, it's work.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8j9o97", "comment_id": "dyyp0fk"}, {"question": "Life support question?", "description": "I am new to reddit. I read the requirements, but this isn't a question about myself, its about my grandma. If it isnt allowed here, before deleting can someone please let me know where I can ask? \nMy grandmother is 87. She has been sick for a while and she has now gotten very sick and is on life support. She isnt coming back this time :( I live in NYC. And she lives in TN. I am not able to go to TN until December 20th due to military obligations. Could they wait to pull the plug until I got there? I really want to say my goodbyes.  Even if she cant hear them, just for my peace. Thanks in advance. ", "answer": "This is a question about legal and hospital policy rather than healthcare, so I don't think we can answer. If your grandmother is on some kind of life support (ventilator?) and your family decides to withdraw care, they can usually make that decision when it is best for family.\n\nI'm sorry for your family. That can be a very hard situation and very hard, sad decision.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4wlkn", "comment_id": "ebi1o6i"}, {"question": "Too painful to walk... I need help.", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old asian female, and I'm 155lbs and 5\"7. I'm pretty healthy, and had no major issues. So I don't take any meds.\n\nSo aI got this painful bump at the panty line area, and I was too afraid to go to my doctor since he's a guy. I've never encountered anything like this before. At first I thought it was an irritation from the period pads because it was that time of the month. But then after a couple of days, it grew into a massive bump the length of my pinkie and height of my pinkie nail. It's been about 4-5 days since I noticed it and it has become very big. Here's a link to the picture: http://imgur.com/5I0PNH8\n\nI was at work today and I had such a hard time walking because it was painful. Like an extreme pinching  pain? But I couldn't say to anyone why it hurt because I was too embarrassed... If anyone can tell me what this is or can tell me some ways I can alleviate the pain, that would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Maybe a small abscess? Anyway go see your doc (we've seen everything, don't feel embarrassed!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6pu99c", "comment_id": "dks8glk"}, {"question": "Things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles\n\n- stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands\n- you will lose your voice\n\n- your throat will constantly ache and burn\n\n- your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front\n of the toilet\n\n- you will get horrible acid reflux\n\n- you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies\n\n-you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "My throat is so sore right now. If anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "fgiwmgi"}, {"question": "Zeldox/Ziprasidone Overdose question", "description": "Hi there, I\u2019m a 23 year old female. I am 260 pounds, and 5\u20195, Caucasian. I live in Canada. \nLast year I took an overdose of my Zeldox medication and had to go to the hospital to get it out of my system. Now my doctor has gotten mad at me for stopping the medication and told me to start it again. I\u2019m worried to take it though because of the overdose I had, I\u2019m worried taking it will make me want to overdose again, but I\u2019m also worried that if you overdose on a medication if it\u2019s safe to ever take again? I know that sounds stupid, but I\u2019m genuinely worried. If anyone can help, it\u2019s greatly appreciated. Thanks! ", "answer": "If you overdose on a medication it's often safe to take it again once the overdose is out of your system. It doesn't build up anywhere. There might be exceptions if the overdose causes damage to the organs that metabolize the drug, but that's not a concern with ziprasidone.\n\nThe questions I have here is why you're taking ziprasidone, why you think the medication made you want to overdose before, and whether you have a reason to stop it now other than worry about overdose. In general ziprasidone isn't known to cause suicidal thinking, and it may be protective as a mood stabilizer or adjunctive antidepressant. If you wanted to overdose regardless of medication, blaming the medication doesn't make sense to me. If you've never felt like that before, starting taking ziprasidone, and then shortly after overdosed maybe there's cause for concern that starting it has a bad effect on you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8guz39", "comment_id": "dyez8be"}, {"question": "I can't stop reliving things in my brain. It won't stop.", "description": "Incredibly long story short. I was in an extremely abusive relationship for two years ago. I was 14 when we started dating and 16 when we \"broke up\". Now I'm 19. I can already hear the groans \"girl troubles\". It's not necessarily what you think it is. I was trapped for years with a horrible manipulative sociopath. I was called names every day. Got boiling water spoons put on my face, was cheated on a few times a week. I was told that she'd ruin me if I ever told anyone what happened. She used to hit herself and tell her friends and family and my own mother I beat her. She told people I beat her into a miscarriage after I never even got her pregnant. But I couldn't leave even more so based on the fact that she said she'd end her life if I even thought of leaving. So I was stuck at that very young age. I'll spare more details. But i will give you the end. Eventually she sent nudes off of my phone while i was asleep. I woke up to see the sent messages and then told her it was too much. We broke up. Officially. A few days later I went to go and get my stuff from her house. When I got there she was being really nice, unusually from a person who's life goal was to ruin me as a person. But I just thought she must've been high as fuck or something to be acting that way. Anyways we got to her room. And to spare details that may trigger some people here. She got me to close my eyes, then open them, then she hung herself in front of me. This was three years ago. I left out a bunch of things that still hurt but that's the only thing I keep seeing. A few months afterwards i got a single session and was told I have PTSD. But I didn't feel I did until now. I just recently realized what my life is. I've been a shut in for three years now. I hangout with someone once every few months. I spend my days desperately distracting myself from reality. Watching movies and reading and playing video games ALL day. When I don't, well that's why I'm here. When I don't I sit there with my own thoughts, when I'm in silence I get this bad vibration through my whole body and I cringe and twitch. Afterwards my hands have a constant tremble and I see images , these flashes of key moments in our relationship. Mainly her face when she was there hanging. Seeing the life leave. I can't stop seeing it. And it's getting more and more constant. The last few months I've had nightmares almost every night. Of her trying to kill me. It's always her trying to stab me. It always starts with us going good, maybe even having sex. But then she just starts trying to stab me. A lot of the time she does, then I die. Then it starts again before I wake up. I know that I have PTSD but it's never been this way before. I can't even function now. I've been single for 3 years now too. I have nobody left. I'm alone and just stuck with all of these memories. What do I do? I want so bad to get better. More than anything else. I still have hope inside me. Can anyone please help me out, maybe tell me some advice? I'll take anything. I just want this all to end. It's going to ruin my entire life.\n\nThank you to everyone who's going to reply. Please keep fighting.", "answer": "The intrusive repetitive, undesied memories are a hallmark of PTSD.  There's no simple solution to remove them really.  You can't erase experience.  You can change your relationship with it though, and the intensity of the exercise can and does change over time.  There are a couple therapies that work to help and some share mechanisms.  The first mechanism is that talking about the experience in great detail over and over again, if you can tolerate doing that, tends to help people become less reactive towards the memories.  They're still there but carry less voltage.  A second mechanism is teaching you emotional regulation skills such as how to calm yourself.  A third involves teaching interpersonal and social skills.  A fourth involves helping you develop mindfulness skills which help you identify less with the flashbacks and instead regard them more dispassionately.  The end goal is to get you back out into the world and getting on with your life despite the symptoms.  I would urge you to seek out specialized trauma therapy where you can work on such skills.  Here are some therapy names to inquire about;  \nProlonged Exposure (PE)\nCognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)\nAcceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)\nSkills Training in Affective and Interpersonal Regulation (STAIR)\n", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "3kmpc2", "comment_id": "cuywsj7"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have trouble connecting with people?", "description": "I didn't think I did, but now I think I do? I don't think I've ever felt a genuine connection to anyone ever in my life. Is this a BPD thing or is something else broken with me?", "answer": "Yes. Don't think people care, don't know what to talk about, afraid of being rejected, afraid of burning bridges and causing more problems", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9vzdmo", "comment_id": "e9ge6sh"}, {"question": "Low BMI with pcos. What are some tips to combat this?", "description": "I have a bmi of 18.5. I've taken two blood tests but my testosterone levels were really low. I've gone to three doctors and have received three different diagnoses (normal, cysts but not pcos and recently pcos). It's frustrating and I think it's just better for me to accept that I have pcos since I have terrible mood swings and long cycles (get my period every 40 days).\n\nAnyone with similar problems? Any natural remedies? I would go vegan or no carb but I have a super fSt metabolism and I'll be rail thin. I've also gotten tested for thyroid issues which came out negative but hormones fluctuate all the time so maybe I should do it again?", "answer": "Hm. My BMI is around 19.5 so I'm heavier than you are, but still not the typical BMI range for PCOS. How are your general eating habits? It's not so much about how thin you are, but maybe eating balanced meals could be helpful? ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3rujoq", "comment_id": "cwrgf0s"}, {"question": "S/O was locked in a doctor's room for over 30 minutes", "description": "Hello all, this is not a conventional post as you might already have noticed. I think I will post this over at r/legaladvice aswell, so if any mod thinks this post does not belong here feel free to remove it and accept my apologies.\n\n\nSo my girlfriend had a OBGYN appointment this afternoon for some 'routine tests' following a miscarriage. From what she has told me she was escorted to an examination room (sorry I don't know the lingo so I'll just call it that) after a few words with the doctor he left and the door was locked behind him. She was trapped for over 30min despite banging on the door and asking to be let out. I believe that's about all the detail that is necessary for now. The medical staff insisted this was perfectly normal and not an issue at all. Apparently this is not the first time this has happened. \n\n\nMy immediate advice to her was to call the police and explain what had happened. I am no lawyer or doctor so I don't know the laws surrounding this type of thing but my intuition tells me that when somebody shows up by their own volition for an examination they cannot be held against their will and should be allowed to leave if ever and whenever they want to so long as no danger is posed to anyone. \n\n\nIf someone in the field could please give me some insight before I contact the police (because she refuses) it would be greatly appreciated.\n\nThank you", "answer": "It's false imprisonment, which doesn't sound proportionate to any particular risk. Never heard of something like this ever happening, assuming what you say is correct.\n\nIf the clinicians can't give a reasonable explanation, then it is indeed a police matter - but you need to be absolutely sure about the facts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57imtu", "comment_id": "d8sbjw5"}, {"question": "Issues w therapist to work w/ autism, dissociation AND ptsd", "description": "I\u2019m not sure what sort of crowd hangs here and what your knowledge is....but I guess I\u2019m making this post as a general \u201cI need help hearing what options could maybe work for me/hear other people wisdom on the subject\u201d. \nI may repeat this post to subs specific to the disorders mentioned too cuz I don\u2019t know where to go tbh....\n\nI have had a couple therapists in the past that have helped narrow down my problems and diagnosis. I have DID, (c)PTSD, and autism. Along with OCD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD but I put those on the back burner compared to the other three that affect me the most (was dxed with those other ones before DID & PTSD so i consider the label a lot more... loose). But I\u2019ve had issues with numerous therapists after a while- as one may greatly understand ptsd but not understand DID/dissociation at all. Or they get autism but not trauma stuff. \n\nI have a therapist right now who I have been with for a good while and confirmed my autism which has been greatly helpful and has made me realize even more what problems I have had with past therapists not understanding things. For example, my PTSD experience is very different *because* of my autism. I process things differently, I break things down differently, etc. I realized this more after a failed attempt at CBT therapy for trauma victims...\n\n\nI\u2019ve been through many therapists. One did not understand DID and had \u201cstandards\u201d on how I should act based on stereotypes. I was stressed out and left after two years. Same therapist shamed me for thinking i had autism as well and made lots of insults towards autistic people as i questioned the condition for myself. A DID specialist therapist was good for quite a while, but I\u2019m transgender and she eventually became super transphobic. Other therapists I had were just general depression/anxiety therapists... talking eventually starts to do nothing. I tried EDMR briefly but I don\u2019t think it worked/I couldn\u2019t continue w that therapist anyways. \n\nCBT for trauma didn\u2019t work for me. Talk therapy only does so much and I\u2019ve told my story so many times over, I\u2019m desensitized to it anyways (many therapists I approach expect me telling my trauma to be *hard* and trigger me but I\u2019ve stopped giving a shit due to how many people I have seen). \n\nDoes anyone have tips or advice on what sort of therapy could work for this combo of things?\nOr find a therapist or type of therapist that would work best in the categories I need help in?", "answer": "You may want to consider seeing *two* therapists. Ideally they would be in the same practice for ease of coordination but not a requirement. I would recommend EMDR for your trauma history and someone who specializes in ASD to assist you in teasing out the differences between a panic attack and a meltdown, for example, to help with any executive functioning issues you may have, and to help you with self-soothing and trigger identification. If each therapist has very different treatment goals your insurance should cover this. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "by1mft", "comment_id": "eqkz9jj"}, {"question": "ECT Information Request", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI have a family member in a mental hospital who only trusts me in the family to discuss his treatment. His doctor recommended ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) but the pamphlets and information don't state clearly what the risk of him having permanent memory loss or other brain damage are. He asked me if I could bring him some clinical studies or any other information (from a respected source). (He's a very intelligent social worker so it doesn't matter how dense the material is as long as it's from a reputable source.)\n\nDo any of you have any studies, books, articles, or additional information you could please send me? I will be doing the research as well but since it might affect the rest of his life I figured the more information I can get, the better.\n\nI am visiting him tomorrow evening to drop off anything I can find.\n\nTL;DR: Please send me any information you have on the adverse, permanent effects of ECT.\n\nP.S. He is bipolar and they want to use it to treat his depression.\n\nThank you all.", "answer": "Hello!\n\nOne of the best places to look up this information will be through the Food and Drug Administration (they are in the US). They've put out their final overarching review and their stance on the use of ECT devices and the effectiveness/drawbacks of ECT at the end of 2018. You will find in the document 75 studies that they draw from when making their decision. Since they are the US' regulatory body on medical devices and medications, it's pretty thorough. You will find section \"II-C\" to be of particular importance, in addition to \"III-B\" and \"III-C\".\n\n [https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/12/26/2018-27809/neurological-devices-reclassification-of-electroconvulsive-therapy-devices-effective-date-of](https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/12/26/2018-27809/neurological-devices-reclassification-of-electroconvulsive-therapy-devices-effective-date-of)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d79ky1", "comment_id": "f0ydvop"}, {"question": "How to find a mental health facility?", "description": "I really feel like the best thing for me right now would be to be put in a hospital or some kind of facility. I have no idea how to go about finding one, are there any websites or something i could look on? Do they cost a lot of money? Also some basic information on it would be very helpful.\n\nI live in Australia, if that helps anything.", "answer": "I can only answer very generally here as I practice in the US and am not very familiar with Australia's healthcare system.  \n\nWhat I'm going to say is how things work in the US that I imagine are fairly similar.  Inpatient Hospitalization is usually covered by your health insurance.  On your health insurance card or paperwork there should be a website or number where you can get info regarding hospitals or providers in your area.  \n\nWithout insurance, hospital stays can be very expensive (thousands of dollars a day) (though generally everything medical in the US is ridiculously expensive).    \n\nIf you feel like you're at the end of your rope, feel you need hospitalization and can't figure out what to do, call whatever your country's emergency number is and discuss the issue with them.  They should be able to help you out.  \n\nIf not, but you're experiencing some mental health issues, consider seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist which your general practitioner should be able to refer you to if you don't know of any.  At that point, they should be able to get you connected to a hospital fairly easily if that's what you need.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xxzce", "comment_id": "duc5q37"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure I have the worst possible case of internet addiction imaginable: I take and abuse my adderall prescription to help me stay up for 36 hours at a time just so i can have more time to browse reddit and stay online and on my computer", "description": "I am male and 26. I have tried pretty much every pharmaceutical option i have for depression and anxiety and adhd and i have seen no progress. If anything my life is getting worse. The only thing that kept me going for the past 6-7 years was the thought that there might be a medication combination that fixes my problems and allows me to focus while keeping my head free of distractions and abnormal, irrational thoughts and all my bullshit with how my brain works and doesn't work. Well, this school semester marks the occasion of me having officially tried every kind of medication i can take pretty much and it has caused my faith in my ability to improve myself to collapse and my major depression has come back in full force. Ever since 2006 or 07 when i must have been 12 or 13 i have been addicted to the internet and video games and any form of digital distraction so i can escape my thoughts.\n\nSo to mark this tragic milestone, I decided to start abusing my adderall prescription again, this time to stay up for abnormal amounts of time just so i have more time to do nothing but browse reddit and watch porn. I did something like this to stay awake from Thursday morning (12/ 12/2019) to Friday night (12/13/2019) i think. I don't really remember which day i started, it was either thursday & friday or friday & saturday,  actually the latter probably because i now remember being able to watch English Premier League soccer games that start at 4:30 am in my time zone.  . But i just did it/am doing it again for a second time. i woke up yesterday morning (12/15/19) and i'm still awake today and it is about 4:45pm. I honestly don't know how many adderall pills i took total in this timeframe but it was around 5 or 6, maybe 7 total. \n\nIm starting to accept that things will always be horrible for me and i will always be unhappy and unfulfilled and unsatisfied and lonely. I feel like i'm in a bad dream because all forms of mental health intervention and treatment and therapy haven't done jack shit to improve my life or my living situation. I can't work because I have sucked at every job I have had (two referee gigs, a student it assistant, and pizza restaurant team member) and I quit my last one in 2015 because i developed a problem of not giving a shit due to a new medication i was trying (and i wasn't being scheduled hours anyways because i was slow and still made basic mistakes all the time after 6 months). \n\nSo any and all emotional support would be nice. I just thought sharing this should be archived in r/nosurf for everybody to see  how bad internet addiction can truly get and what happens when you have stopped caring about your well being and just want to constantly dull the pain by digging the whole deeper and deeper with grossly unhealthy internet use and adderall abuse. \n\nI have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to go to that i managed to pick up which was an time slot that somebody else cancelled. I don't know what's the point because i've tried everything so there's nothing left i can ask for, some medications i've tried many different times, and nothing truly helps. I just thought that something would and i guess i was wrong.", "answer": "Medications can help, but what you have going on are severe behavioral issues. I imagine you'd be better off seeing a psychologist who can help you get your behavior under control. All of the issues you described can be helped by cognitive behavioral therapy. If you have any questions, let me know.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "ebo3zc", "comment_id": "fb89ekz"}, {"question": "Angry 9 yr old cutting eyebrows and eyelashes in secret.", "description": "My 9 year old got mad his sister took his toy. He grabbed his scissors and chopped his eyebrows in chunks. He lied that he did it and said they're just like that, I did get him to later admit it. I had a talk with him that there are different ways to handle anger but also that if he wanted to change the way they look, he could have come to me. A few days later he cut his eyelashes down on both eyes. I am having a hard time on how to handle this. Hes so beautiful, I am so sad to see him do this to himself. I would love any advice on this. Hes not an angry boy, very loving but he gets mad at his 4 year old sister a lot.", "answer": "If you came to my office with this story,  I'd ask a lot about him and your family to determine if a diagnostic process would be advisable. I would need to understand the why and how of this behavior before I could give concrete advice. \n\nIt's up to you whether you want this kind of conversation, if so, try finding a therapist/psychiatrist specialising in children.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cj7e13", "comment_id": "evbllbg"}, {"question": "I like to think that I have excellent social skills once I get a conversation going. However, I don't know how to start conversation. How do you start a conversation with a random stranger?", "description": "Reddit,\n\nI think that my social skills are excellent. Whenever I am talking with someone, I can keep the conversation going and I am a bit of a talker. However, I have trouble being the one to start the conversation. If it's a group project or work, there's an obvious reason to have a conversation and I can do it perfectly fine.\n\nBut, if there is no logical necessity for conversation, I have trouble starting it. I think this stems from over thinking everything. If I'm in the same place as someone else by chance, I feel like they have something they are doing. They wouldn't randomly just be there by themselves. Because of this, I have trouble interrupting and starting conversation. Even if I did start a conversation, I have no idea what I would say to start it because there is no reason for speaking other than just to meet new people. \n\nI love meeting new people, but I think it's weird to start a conversation with the cliche \"How about that weather?\" or \"Do you come here often?\" or would \"Hi. I'm i_dont_translate. What's your name?\" work? I honestly have no idea how to start conversation. \n\nThis especially sucks with the lady folk. I'm a generally nice guy, not ugly, and have potential with women, but I don't know how to start talking to one. Isn't it obvious that I'm only talking to them because I'm hoping to get their number and get something out of it? \n\n**tl;dr** How do I start a conversation with random strangers, particularly the lady-folk? \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. Thank you!\n\n", "answer": "Reference the context. If you're standing in line to go into a concert, asking someone if they like Italian food is weird. Asking someone if they've seen the band before, or (even better) saying \"I'm super excited--it's my first time seeing this band. Have you seen them before?\" is much more natural. If you want to chat with a barista at a coffee shop, ask them how long they've been working there, or if the shop is always this busy.\n\nBasically, just figure out something from the context to strike up a conversation about. It's often more natural if you briefly share something of your own before asking them a question, but the most important thing is to base the conversation about what's going on around you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vvcx7", "comment_id": "c583ed3"}, {"question": "109 days sober, so why do I wake up every morning feeling almost hungover? Anyone else have weird head/body morning issues?", "description": "It\u2019s an all over feeling I\u2019ve never had before and I can\u2019t describe very well, I\u2019ve only experienced it in sobriety. My head and body just feel totally off and bad for 1-3 hours every morning. It doesn\u2019t matter what time I wake up, 7 am or 1 pm I still feel like my bones are slightly sore and I have a full head headache. \n\nIs this normal? Anyone else experience something like this?", "answer": "I felt like this for a while. Realized my diet was shit. Once I started eating healthier and getting the nutrients I needed, I felt 100 times better. Too much sugar, caffeine, etc will do it to you. My mood is improved significantly too.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cs54yx", "comment_id": "exdc6oa"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent to AA-meetings for suicidal people?", "description": "I know about the suicide hotline.   But is there something equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous for people dealing with suicidal thoughts (in the US)?  Thanks and be well.", "answer": "There are sometimes support groups in your local area for umbrella subjects, like \"depression\" or \"anxiety\" or even just \"life skills.\" That may be something more along the lines of what you are looking for.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dd36b3", "comment_id": "f2eri91"}, {"question": "I am leaving this world soon.....", "description": "Hello, fellow Reddit Users.\n\nI'm sorry to inform you that within a few days, I will be taking my own life. I will leave behind a journal that chronicles the story of my life, my thoughts, my mentality and why I'm deciding to end my life very soon.\n\nUpdate: Since my journal will take a very long time to type out, I am postponing the deadline for it to be posted for an additional 78 hours.", "answer": "1 (800) 273-8255\n\nPlease call this number. It is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and someone there wants to help you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Someone may be able to help lift some of that pain off your shoulders. Reach out to someone, please. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3iz0mb", "comment_id": "cukyzhb"}, {"question": "help", "description": "It's not so easy.\n\nI did stuff - help in the NHS. I managed 54 days, at the start of the year, and 30 days this past month.\n\nBut it's hard. I drank a lot last night. I have the sweats, the fears, the shakes, the nervousness, the sense of doom, the disappointment at giving up my streak.\n\nI'm thinking of attending an AA session in the next few days. I am a mathematician - there's no higher power for me. I hope it will still work.\n\nI'm alone, and I'm scared. And let me tell you, hangovers are not so easy in the UK right now with this stupid heat! :-)\n\nDavid\n\n\\-edit- Thank you for all the messages of support, they are appreciated. I found a meeting nearby, and plan to attend soon.", "answer": "I agree....we all have our own vision of our best life. It can be anything. What do you want..health, relationships...? Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91ifjz", "comment_id": "e2yhtn9"}, {"question": "Does she like me or not?!?!?", "description": "So I [M17] met this girl [F16] one day when in geography wed a free class and she decided shed sit beside me and chat for a bit. And a few days later added me on sc. We snapped back and fourth for the last 8-10 weeks and we'll sorta take turns starting the conversations. And at the start I just figured she liked me,and I began to like her too. But then in the last 2 weeks. She apparently told a few people that she likes this other guy. Which is ok if she did. But what I don't get is,why are we still snapping hard? And why does she still look at me all awkwardly in school? And why when sometimes when we're outside our class,will neither of us talk to one another all awkwardly. But then when I get home. She has no bother snapping me? And it's obvious that she is looking at me aswell. A number of my friends even see her do it? \n\nPlease someone tell me what she is doing?!?!?", "answer": "She's snapping with you all the time and then getting shy in person. She may like you AND some other dudes. She may give accurate, complete, up to date info to some of her friends or not, and the quality of the info that gets back to you may vary. \n\nI am not detecting a master plan. \n\nJust ask her out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69kt50", "comment_id": "dh7c6ij"}, {"question": "Question about codeine use for a prolonged time", "description": "Hello so, basically, i have sciatica, i got a cortisone injection but it only lasted a few weeks, im back to my regular pain (which hurts) and... ive been thinking of my pain meds, those being Paracetamol + codeine (Paracetamol in 500mg and codeine in 15mg per tablet)... \n\nI guess, i should ask... is it okay if i take codeine/paracetamol for 6 days (i take 6 a day, sometimes 8, i follow instructions) then take a break for a week? i am unsure if taking my pain meds is taking a toll on my body, i dont feel any different... im not constantly on them, its more, on and off, mostly on when the pain gets bad, then once i finish a pack, im fine for a while...", "answer": "8 tabs is the max you should take over 24 hours. Anything over 4g of paracetamol is dangerous.\n\nAnd no you won't get addicted if you use for a specific number of days.\n\nAlso your GP will be monitoring your prescription.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zdcqq", "comment_id": "d6uzvxv"}, {"question": "My ex bf is using depression as a reason to be abusive", "description": "My ex bf was someone who volunteered and donated to my charity which was how we met. We dated for a year and as we weren\u2019t compatible, we broke up. \n\nWhat followed was months of dramatic and traumatizing experience which is confusing and hurtful to say the least. He started by sending me personal attacks and blame on WhatsApp (\u201cyou\u2019re not open minded enough that\u2019s why we broke up\u201d to \u201cyou\u2019re a shitty leader at work\u201d) and when I didn\u2019t reply, he pulled in everyone in the charity in a group chat (my whole team of donors, volunteers and staff) to tell them they are corrupt with no moral standards and hence he\u2019s resigning (a nasty move to compromise me at work). He then was all nice and said sorry to me, asked me to understand he only said those things because he was depressed and lashing out cuz of the pain. That he has depression and is suicidal. I got so worried that I suppressed all my feelings and got him to see a psychologist and went with him together (he refused to go alone). He was diagnosed with clinical depression and taking meds. \n\nWhen I wanted to move on and stop talking to him (the personal attacks and blame messages never stopped), he\u2019d talk to my friends and tried to turn them against me with gossip. He also said he won\u2019t donate the rest of the amount he pledged because he doesn\u2019t have money (totally untrue and only because we\u2019re no longer dating). When I told him I needed my space and will stop talking to him, he threatened to not handover work (things he took care of as a volunteer). So I was forced to speak to him again and then gradually stopped replying. He then donated the rest of the pledged amount to the charity (as a way to get me to speak to him), and when I don\u2019t respond to his personal demands, he threatens to demand a refund of the donation (who does that?!). \n\nLast night he sent me suicidal messages again saying he took lots of sedative, so I messaged his mom as we were both worried, and she asked me to call the police. A crew of firemen, policemen and ambulance health professionals showed him at his place at 2am and turns out he\u2019s fine. \n\nHe now yells at me for calling the cops on him and requests a refund of the donation. \n\nI\u2019m amazed by the ways he tries to manipulate me, from personal and professional attacks, suicidal messages, donate and refund requests.. He doesn\u2019t want to get back together but he wants me to stay in his life which I don\u2019t understand why, other than feeling like I\u2019m in his control somehow? What should I do with this guy? \n\nTL;DR: Ex bf tried to manipulate me with suicidal messages, personal and professional attacks for no reason other than making me emotional and under control. ", "answer": "Oftentimes abusers will honeymoon you with positive behaviors as a mechanism of control. They will use those positive behaviors against you as a way to make you feel guilty or shitty. \n\nYou\u2019re absolutely right that he\u2019s using his depression as a way to emotionally abuse you. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ve had abusers in my group tell me a story just like this. Threatening suicide is a really common abusive tactic that abusers use against the victim. It\u2019s important to remember that you reacting to his suicide is perfectly normal, and his reaction to it is totally unjustified. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a6tl8w", "comment_id": "ebxu677"}, {"question": "Brain zaps?", "description": "19F, 87lbs, 5'6, Caucasian, ADHD (Vyvanse)\n\n**Yet another EDIT: I fainted today on my way to the store and was brought into the hospital. They did a bunch of tests, and realized I was having from 6-10 \"silent\" seizures a day. I probably had them when I was younger too and they just went away, and came back due to my lack of sleep in the past couple of weeks and anxiety. I honestly didn't even know that was a thing until yesterday, so thank you all. They also did a GI and said that I might have gastroparesis, which would explain pretty much all my symptoms when it comes to weight-loss, and I have an appointment for a gastric emptying study in 2 weeks from now. Thank you all!**\n\n**EDIT: I've called them brain zaps my whole life, but I didn't know that was an actual medical term for something completely different. Its not the withdrawal kinda zaps, it's like a loss of consciousness that I get, but still stay standing up.**\n\n**EDIT 2: No, I don't have an eating disorder. Doctors have no idea why I lost my appetite and can't keep food down**\n\nSo I really don't know how to explain this without sounding absolutely insane.\n\nI made a post about a week ago about my unexplainable weight loss, and you guys have been really helpful, so I'm trying my luck again.\n\nSince about a week ago, I started getting what I call \"brain zaps\". I used to have them as a child and I was told it was due to my ADHD, but i think they went away when I was about 12-13 and just started coming back again.\n\nI'll try to describe it as best as I can. \n\nSo for example, yesterday, I was walking in a park with my boyfriend, and suddenly, he was 50 feet away from me. In a split-second. Or two days ago for example, I was grabbing a bagel from the toaster and it was fine for a second but then started burning my hand as if I had been holding it for like 30 seconds (I hadn't). Or I miss parts of a conversation (my friend will be talking about something and then its as if she skipped, like a record or something). From what I know, they happen maybe 2-3 times a day and up to like 8-10 times when I'm really stressed out.\n\nCould this be that my ADHD medication is starting to not be adjusted correctly? They do come around more often when I'm anxious, and I know that my ADHD medication does help with anxiety. I'm just scared with how easily I've been distracted in the past week.\n\nThank you all", "answer": "I'm a physician. You're 5'6\" and weigh only 86 lbs??? You're emaciated. Plus you may be having seizures and/or cardiovascular problems. Please see your physician right away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gib93c", "comment_id": "fqg0rpb"}, {"question": "I gained 70 pounds while on antidepressants.", "description": "I'm almost 19, Male and I suffer numerous mood issues such as anger, depression and anxiety. I also suffer dysphoria which I task testosterone for and have been on the drug for three months now. Back in September of 2017 I decided to take handle of my mental health. In the past therapy didnt help so I knew that wasn't an option. In the beginning of Sept I was 190 pounds. I then started a cocktail of different drugs in hope one would work. I ended up on prozac until May of 2018. In that time I gained 70 pounds. I knew weight gain was a side effect but no one ever told me id gain this much weight in such little time. I told my at the time psychiatrist my problem and he told me there was nothing I or he could do about it. However, because I was also suffering suicidal thoughts on prozac he switched me to Effexor/Venlafaxine in may of 2018. I've been tracking my food intake for the past 6 months and I try to go to the gym daily. I have the overall calorie intake of around 1,800.  I've talked to numerous doctors about my weight gain and none can give me any advice or help. A month ago one doctor decided to take me off effexor completely. I've yet to see any change in my weight. My mood and depression particularly has been off the charts since I stopped my medication. Every doctor I've seen recently wants to point fingers at my testosterone yet I've only been on it three months. My options shouldn't be to either be happy and fat or miserable and mentally unstable. I know this has been a long story time however. The reason I bring this to reddit is in hope someone can point me in the right direction and give me some quality advice. So doctor's of reddit what should I do? Is there a specialist I should be seeing? Am I just screwed?", "answer": "Prozac is associated with a small weight gain, not a third of your body weight. Effexor isn't associated with weight gain. Unless there is other medication in the mix that you haven't mentioned, neither of these make sense to me. Additionally, a lot of people gain weight with no medication, although that much, that quickly is rare.\n\n1800 calories per day is usually not enough to maintain a weight of 260 lbs. As usual, a primary care doctor would be a good first person to discuss with, and a referral to a dietician might be helpful both for accurate assessment of nutritional intake and making a plan for weight loss.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajcdla", "comment_id": "eeujxts"}, {"question": "I [28/m] feel that my happiness isn't important to her. My wife [31/f] says I'm too critical and analytical", "description": "UPDATE:\nAfter reviewing all the comments on here, I decided to write up a note. I focused it on my feelings and how I feel in great detail. At first she got very defensive and said that my note was unfair and contrary to what I had previously mentioned. When everything was said and done, she apologized. She apologized for the ignoring of my issues over time, and how she's caused me to feel how she feels. She mentioned that she's starting to see her issues, as we're both doing individual therapy at the moment and asked me to give her some time and be patient because she really wants to change and make things work. She mentioned that she wants to write up a reply note after she's really reflected. Not sure exactly what to think or how to handle it. thoughts?\n\nI'll do my best to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for 1 and a half years. I've had this on-going issue with her, that everything always has to be her way (eating out, daily/weekly activities, etc. I've mentioned how I feel many times in the past, and she's always deflected/denied any wrong doing. Our fights have escalated in the past year, me getting more angry easier, voice raising louder and louder. We live on the east coast, and she's originally from the west coast. A lot of the time, I feel like she doesn't really think about me, my happiness and my feelings. If she does anything, I feel that it's because she feels bad, or guilty - it's never really about doing something because I want to do it. She recently went to be with her family for 2 weeks, without me. She said that she needed time to reflect and some distance between us, so that she can think about her faults in our marriage. Prior to the very last time, this had been brought up 2 times previously, and both times she tried to shove it down my throat. That she was going to the west coast for a little bit of time, and my thoughts on the matter didn't matter. At one point she told me that going wasn't more important than being in this relationship, and making me happy. 2 or 3 days later we got into an argument, and she booked a flight to go back, and she left 2 days after that. \n\nMy biggest issues with her are always that I don't feel like my happiness is important to her. I'll try to plan something, an event, or weekend trip. She never shows any interest, she listens but never takes it seriously. We were suppose to go out of town for the day, the same day she left for 2 weeks, and she was well aware of the plans we had made. There has been a pattern of me doing things for her, and a lot of the time those things being detrimental to my plans, or to my happiness and I've done them for her, but I don't feel that she has done/or is willing to do those same types of things for me.\n\n She's always said, that she wants this relationship to be \"fair\" but I think it's been everything but that. She's been away for almost a week now, and we've spoken a few times on the phone. Most of those times, I feel that the conversation is forced. She says she misses me and wants to speak on the phone, but doesn't make it very warm and relaxed. It's her just waking up which is in the middle of my day (due to time differences) wanting to talk to me because she misses my voice, or wants to know what I'm doing. If I don't pick up her calls, then I'm ignoring her. However, if I send her a text, she will reply and say that she's busy and I have the worst timing. \n\nThe issues she's mentioned in our relationship is from me standing up for myself, and pointing out when something isn't ok with me. She claims that I'm critical, and too analytical. I've told her many times that \"I don't feel like I matter to you. I feel that others are higher priority than me to you. I feel ignored and neglected\". \n\nThese few days while she's been away, I don't get the feeling that she thinks about me too much, or even really cares about my happiness. Previous experience has shown me that she doesn't support me, let alone have much regard of my contentment in our relationship. Do I need to chill out? Am I working myself up for no good reason? Or is there legitimacy in my feelings?", "answer": "you need marriage counseling. there's a lot to work out here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbyzr", "comment_id": "dl3vd6m"}, {"question": "I took 400 mg ibuprofen 12 hours ago, can I drink alcohol now?", "description": "23 years old caucasian female. I'm 52 kg and 1.69 m. I took Nurofen 400 in the morning 12 hours ago for period cramps, is it safe to have alcohol now?", "answer": "Unlike Tylenol, ibuprofen has no direct interaction with alcohol. It isn\u2019t metabolized by your liver.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0v3cw", "comment_id": "eaksv4m"}, {"question": "Daily Check-in Thread - July 27, 2019", "description": "Welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. Feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). You may also visit our reddit Chat Room with 800+ people.\nwww.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "Today was my first day only dosing once, and it was a tiny dose (less than 0.5g). I went to bed at 11:30pm after a long day walking under the hot sun but still am having trouble sleeping (although this may be due to the cold brew I had at 5:30pm lol). I want to take some kratom, but instead, I'm making some nighttime tea I have leftover from when I was sick and eating a light snack. I'm leaving for vacation in four days and am scared of feeling awful the entire trip so may stick to one small dose a day until I get back and then really dig my heels in. I know it's an excuse to keep taking, but I really don't want to be hardcore withdrawing on my vacation lol.", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "ciegmm", "comment_id": "ev8udxf"}, {"question": "Are Vitamin IV drips useful?", "description": " \n\n* Age  52\n* Sex  F\n* Height  5'8\"\n* Weight 180 (goal weight 150)\n* Race W \n* Duration of complaint: several weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body):  whole body\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any)\"cholesteral meds and reflux \n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)\n\nJust had in depth comprehensive whole body medical tests and other than needing to lose some weight everything is functioning in excellent levels and no real issues that aren't age related. (Some arthritis in knee from surgery)  \n\n\nI give myself Vit B12 shots.  I cannot take NSAIDs.  I am likely dehydrated at lot of the time.    \n\n\nDo the IVs offer by various lounges do anything other than have a placebo effect?  \n\nI've tried it twice and the first time I felt much better.  The 2nd time I wasn't sure if I noticed any difference.  \n\nI'm just worn down.  Wake up feeling dehydrated.  \n\nI am dieting (no sugar, no processed carbs, no potato or pasta, portion control)  Logging food but only lost 6 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks.\n\nI am exercising (walking 5-6 miles 5-6 times a week and a bit of yoga and pilates) \n\nSo -- would it be worthwhile to get a vitamin/electrolyte/magnesium IV once a week or so? \n\n​", "answer": "Largely placebo effects. Unless you\u2019re profoundly deficient or have pernicious anemia and your gut can\u2019t absorb B12, pills are as good as injections. The same is true for most vitamins\u2014we obviously need to be able to get them by mouth or prior to IVs all humans would have been deficient and died. In fact, unless you have a definite deficiency it\u2019s not a good idea to supplement vitamins. I don\u2019t think good data exist for IV forms, but vitamin pills seem to slightly increase all-cause mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "am8e0k", "comment_id": "efkazr0"}, {"question": "I'm [39/f] and want to Divorce [40/m] husband for taking advantage of me", "description": " I am posting my current situation in this sub now because I see that there is much more activity here than in the r/marriage sub and I'd love as much feedback as possible to my current situation.  If I'm wrong in doing so, Mods please delete, redirect, or whatever and I am perfectly fine with that as I am a brand new redditer (who read the FAQ, but may have missed something).\n\nI'm married and posted in r/marriage a few days ago about having been what I (and some others) considered to be, raped while I was unconscious by my husband over the course of many months. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/6fhqxh/husband_has_sex_with_me_when_im_passed_out/\n\nBecause of these incidences, and after thinking on it as I have, I am now 98% sure I want to divorce but there are some sticking points that are making it very difficult for me to really pull the trigger and move out.  I have a 13 year old step-son and my moving out would mean we would have to sell the house (husband can't afford it on his own) which would mean everyone moves and the teenager's life is disrupted.  I hate that thought.  Also we are good business partners in the sense that we have a rental property that we own and manage together and through which we derive a good amount of rental income that neither of us would want to lose.  I never could have imagined being in this predicament where comfort and lifestyle (which we have worked so hard for) are battling with this horrible feeling that I can't be with this man anymore.  After what has happened I can't see there ever being a romantic relationship so staying seems like such a waste.  Again, redirect or anything if I am posting inappropriately. \n\nEdit: I realize I should also add that, as I mentioned in the other post, he is a good husband in all other respects, even before this happened, I had been struggling with having attraction, passion, or romantic feelings for him.  I couldn't pinpoint why they were lost. So realizing what he has been doing while I was passed out I believe has only been the nail in the coffin.", "answer": "Godspeed. If you can't do it (this marriage), don't. \n\nEverything you're worried about is secondary to the alienation of affection and safety you've experienced. Protect yourself so you can look yourself in the mirror. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fz2om", "comment_id": "dim69w6"}, {"question": "Complete loss of control and the system is not helping me..", "description": "I\u2019ve really lost my head. Mental health have got involved and played on the idea of a personality disorder of sorts but have gone no further than that. It\u2019s getting bad now, I\u2019ve become unknowingly reckless which is a hard statement to comprehend. I live with my girlfriend but she\u2019s struggling to cope and I keep having episodes and during these I have complete time gaps the only reason I know is because she tells me, records them to remind me that I keep getting points where I\u2019m not longer me and I don\u2019t know who me is anymore. I hear voices that don\u2019t fit, this man keeps trying to take me away and I don\u2019t know where I tell him to leave me alone but he persists. My therapist no longer knows what to do as I am getting worse and worse I only get small moments of time now where I can reflect. I feel that I am becoming a danger to others and myself but mental health have got an appointment 2 months away for me and I fear that I may not be here in two months and I\u2019m not sure whether that will be suicide or whether I\u2019ll just become so lost that Jamie won\u2019t exist anymore this thing inside me will just take over. I\u2019m unsure if I should section myself but I\u2019m scared. ", "answer": "If you're afraid that you may be a danger to yourself or others, go to a hospital for an evaluation.  It's always MUCH MUCH MUCH better if you go on your own instead of getting to the point where the police or a medical professional involuntarily hospitalizes you.  If you go on your own, you have a lot more control over the situation and it has far less long-term consequences.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91uaja", "comment_id": "e30vd8y"}, {"question": "Should I be worried about the radiation from CT Scan?", "description": "Hi! I'm 22/Female, 5'2 and 58kg, Filipino. I'm experiencing headaches for the past 3 weeks already (although I no longer experience severe headaches as before) and my ENT doctor told me that he felt 2 swollen lymph nodes on my neck. I was, of course, anxious when it was confirmed. In fact, our family has a history of cancer and my mom was diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal cancer so we are extra wary when we experience discomfort and abnormalities in our body. Hence, he referred me for CT scan so he can check and to rule out my complaints. But every time I hear the word radiation, it negatively affects me. Should I be worried if I'll be exposed with radiation from CT scan? I heard it is one of the causes of cancer. As much as I want to avoid getting it by having a professional check, it might also the reason to have it. \n\n​\n\nYour advice and enlightenment will surely help me.", "answer": "CT is a safe diagnostic instrument. Unless you are getting a huge amount of them in a short period of time, don't worry. That said, it's not a toy, and should only be used if there is a medical reason to.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbxq3h", "comment_id": "ekm9db9"}, {"question": "I think I get PTSD like symptoms over less serious events - brain miswired placing memories?", "description": "It's been suggested to me by at least one therapist that I have a form of PTSD. I started taking Propranolol and the intrusive thoughts got better. But let me explain what happens to me if it sounds at all familiar to anyone.\n\nSomething negative happens to me, and then for a long time following the event, when I'm doing or thinking of things that are tangentially related, I'll have intrusive flashbacks relating to the event. At one time before I started the propranolol I kept track of these and was having on average 10 intrusive flashes per hour over various negative events that had happened recently (friends cutting me out of their life).\n\nSome of these though are weird deep set memories from long ago, like when I was embarrassed in 3rd grade or something. Those are odd, and I don't know why they come up at all.\n\nOther times, I'll see something, and there will not even be a tangential connection between the object and the negative event, but I'll feel triggered anyway. Maybe it's related on some deeper level. Like I saw an airplane flying by, or opened my bathroom cabinet, and bam! Intrusive negative flash.\n\nI'm getting over a breakup now and I'm taking extra propranolol to try to help, but the thoughts are so intrusive, and just honestly seems like my brain is miswired, especially when it's getting triggered over odd things (airplanes, etc.). I don't know if having these intrusive thoughts is normal when you have a breakup or not. I guess to some extent, but it's so invasive.\n\nDoes any of this sound familiar to those of you with PTSD?\n\nI don't mean to be offensive to those of you who have experienced more serious PTSD events, just trying to understand what is going on with me, if it's at all normal, and if it's related to what people with full blow PTSD go through.", "answer": "Can you go into more detail about your intrusive flashbacks?  Do you have a full on anxiety attack, or is it just the thought pops into your head or anywhere in between?\n\n", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2b76m3", "comment_id": "cj2la1d"}, {"question": "Is this something a therapist would do?", "description": "Long story but I had a meeting with a psycologist and my boss over a situation and both of them made a comment about me being upset over something that had happened weeks before. Is that professional?", "answer": "Like most others, I'd really need a lot more information.  Is this an organizational psychologist that works for your company to help facilitate meetings, mediate employee issues, and work with HR?  Then yes, this is normal.  \n\n\nIf this is YOUR personal psychologist who doesn't work for your company, I have no idea why this would be happening.  ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "amva73", "comment_id": "egdyf05"}, {"question": "is this a GOOD way to tell my crush???", "description": "so this is my plan (CORRECT me if im wrong)\n\n1. Tell her that i like her \n\n2. BUT should i also say we could hangout one day RIGHT AFTER the confession sentence???\n\nI wont give her time to say yes OR no... i will say really fast: and we could also go to the movies or whatever you like :)\n\nTHEN i can wait for her answer???", "answer": "Do you spend time with her and talk to her regularly?  If not, completely ignore step 1.  \n\nStart talking to her casually.  Skip to step 2 and invite her to do things with you.  If she accepts, you know there's a decent chance she may like you.  If she doesn't, she'll just decline.  Time to grieve the loss and move on.  \n\n\nIf you've never really talked to someone and confess that you've been pining over them and thinking about them when you've barely talked to them can very often make them creeped out even if there was a good chance they would have liked you once getting to know you.  \n\n\nWhat you outlined is the way that so many kids/teens try to make dating work (I did it too in my youth before learning how backwards it is).  Reverse the order of things.  That's how dating works because in reality, if you haven't hung out with them much already, you only like the image of who you think they are that you've created in your mind.  You might not even like them once you get to know them.  \n\n\nIf they accept and you go on some dates and get the vibe you're clicking, then go with step one.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep410v", "comment_id": "feh228s"}, {"question": "I'm starting to relapse after going through a traumatic experience. Any advice?", "description": "Long story short, a man I thought was maintenance almost choked me to death in my bathroom at the age of 20. For some reason he stopped, I survived, and he is in jail now.  I handled it really well for a while but I think that was just because I was in denial about my mental state.  But not I find my self drinking more and more and I need some advise on how to cope without alcohol and how to resist the urge to have another drink. ", "answer": "It sounds like you might be suffering from post-traumatic stress, a very real and potentially very serious mental health condition. I would suggest seeking counseling or other mental health services. Depending on your area and situation, you may be able to find services through school, a local crisis line, a local domestic violence shelter (many of them do offer services for women recovering from trauma of all kinds, not just DV. Or, they can help refer you to other providers). You may also be able to access resources as a crime victim - some justice systems have victim's advocates, for example. And of course many communities have counselors in private practice, that you can find in the phone book.\n\nSince you're posting in r/alcoholicsanonymous, I'm assuming you are open to trying the AA program. If you search for alcoholics anonymous and the name of your city/town, you should be able to find a list of meetings fairly easily. Larger towns might also have an Intergroup office; if you need help getting a ride to a meeting, or just have questions, you can call them. You might want to consider starting at a women's only meeting (I'm just guessing you're female) as that might feel a little safer than a mixed-gender meeting. I have met many AA members who have traumatic experiences as part of their personal stories - you would absolutely not be alone in that. However, I have personally found that while AA allowed me to get sober, I needed to get professional help in dealing with some of my underlying issues that contributed to my drinking and using. There is no shame in that.\n\nIf you want to talk one-on-one, feel free to PM me. Take care, and please be gentle with yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "2jydyr", "comment_id": "clgda3w"}, {"question": "31/F/US I like stuff. You like stuff. Let\u2019s be friends.", "description": "A bit about me: \n\n\nLove to be outdoors (camping, fishing, hiking) I prefer boots over heels any day, video games please, photography yes, foodie all day, Returned Peace Corps Volunteer 2010-2012 Lesotho. I would rather be home as a human burrito or in the mountains. Don\u2019t do the bar scene. I rarely drink but if I do I prefer whiskey. Wes Anderson, Studio Ghibli, Tarantino films are my favorites. Love horror, Star Wars, and Star Trek. \n\nPersonality traits: \n-independent \n-nurturer \n-no bullshit ", "answer": "Hey, 31 f here too. Where are you located? I\u2019m in Denver. I enjoy cooking, comedy, succulents, nature, art. Pm if you want to chat more!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "b8150i", "comment_id": "ejwq42k"}, {"question": "Why am I so uncomfortable when my parents tell me they love me?", "description": "Whenever my parents say \"I love you\" or say anything loving to me really, I feel the most intense discomfort I can imagine.  I internally recoil whenever it happens and become really anxious and uneasy.  I don't really know why.  I also never tell my family I love them back because it's very difficult and uncomfortable for me and I just despise doing it.  \nThe strange thing is that I don't have this problem with my boyfriend, only my family.  I feel like I wouldn't have a problem saying it to my friends either.  I don't really get why this is. Anyone else have similar experiences?", "answer": "Does it feel not genuine to you when they say it?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "445pq4", "comment_id": "cznvqwh"}, {"question": "Loving unconditionally", "description": "I was never the type to talk about love or whatever; especially with other people. \n\nI met Shaun* summer of 2016. He and his friend went to Tokyo for vacation. As with any other summer thing, ours seemed to be just what it was --- a fling. Throughout the months however, we still communicated via WhatsApp and would sometimes do voice and video calls. The chemistry was awesome and I was infatuated soon after. Being the type of person that I am, I eventually expressed what I felt and he said he likes me but only as a friend and nothing romantic. It initially crushed my infatuated heart and soon got over the 'feeling'. I went out on dates with other men while he and I still communicated every so often. \n\nEverything seemed to be okay. \n\nA part of me wanted to see him. I don't want him to think I am still that into him (because at this rate, I honestly still do not know if I were) so I looked to do something \"official\" in Europe. I found one and soon found myself traveling to Europe. \n\nI told him my plans. Also told him my free days in Berlin. I was thinking maybe he and I could hang out a night together in that new city. Thankfully, he said yes. But I was still hesitant and I remember I'd only believe it when he arrives. And he did. We spent four wonderful days together exploring Berlin and getting to know each other more as friends...\n\nAnd now, I'm at the crossroads. What do I actually want from this? Sex is still awesome. Chemistry was still on point, even more. I know he still isn't into me romantically but I am not thinking of that too. I just wanna express what I feel for him. My 'love' for him which is more than friends but less than the romantic love. I think it's that type of affection that even when I'm old, I'd still have --- for him. \n\nI am so confused. I just had to write this. Is it even possible to just love someone unconditionally and without expectations? Some are saying that having no expectations is impossible but that's what I feel. I really do not expect anything to come out of this. \n", "answer": "you can have feelings without expectations if you are 100% clear on this. 99% won't work!  feelings and expectations go hand in hand for most people.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zpt01", "comment_id": "df09wo0"}, {"question": "Unemployed wife's expensive pot habit", "description": "Not sure how to handle this situation any longer. \nBack story- met my wife, I smoked she did not, date for a while and she starts occasionally smoking. Time goes on she smokes more and more. Soon it's a habit, first thing in the am, before she'd do anything, or just sit around smoking all day.  Gets pregnant, we stop, child's born, and after a while we occasionally smoke socially. As time goes on and kid is in preschool, her habit jumps right to where it left off. \n\nExcept now she's unemployed.\n\nIts at the point where it's the first thing she does when she wakes up, and she'll smoke every hour or 2 throughout the day. It does not negatively effect her mothering ability, she's a wonderful mother. But it's a huge financial burden. (Im the only financial support for our family.) Yes I do smoke. Nothing like my wife. I don't mind that she smokes, well I mind the amount and frequency, or how it seems she can not/or just will not do anything with out smoking. \nIf we're going out some where, has to smoke right before we leave. will Smoke alone if I don't feel like part taking.  And as soon as we arrive home. Always worried about making sure she can get more before she runs out. Pot seems to become a necessity to her.  I pay for it all yet it's all hers, but contributes nothing finally. \nI want to adress the whole situation. I'm willing to stop to get her to stop....\nLing story short, my wife is a freeloading pothead, I love her, and I don't know how to get her to see that she has a... Problem, that's causing unnecessary financial stress. \n But since I smoke trying to talk to her about her habit, makes me a hypocrite to her. Any time I try and bring it up I get excuses, and justifications, and the you don't understand it helps my anexity and depression. And it's just pot. Just very defensive and  unwilling to listen.   All the typical things a person in the depth of addiction say. \nI understand it helps with anxiety and depression, that's why I part take. So I get it. \nMy issue is I don't know how to have the conversation with out it blowing up. I always give in when I say when it's gone it's gone, because I hate seeing her scrape pipes for res, like a crack head would, because I don't want to hear her complain about everything, and zombie into her phone. I give in because the times I haven't she's borrowed money from her father, or called my buddy for a spot. And I'm stuck paying it back. \nI don't want to leave her, I just want her to contribute to our family. For her to realize the unnecessary stress she add to our finances. Get her to stick to when what's purchased for the pay period is gone, it's gone. ", "answer": "There's no way to have the discussion without it blowing up. You're married to an addict. She's not gonna be happy if you try to limit her use. \n\nAlso, if you think it's not affecting her parenting, you are fooling yourself.   How could it not - she's using all the time. \n\nYou could consider, for yourself: counseling, naranon, or just read codependent no more. \n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g641h", "comment_id": "dinwmg3"}, {"question": "Scared to drive?", "description": "I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'll try my best. I'm 19 years old and it's been time for me to start driving. There's one problem though. I have to admit that I'm scared to get on the road. From my past experience, I have been into a car accident. Luckily, no one was hurt. Ever since that car accident I've been traumatize everytime I try to get behind the wheel. It sucks because people keeps bugging me about getting my driver's license.  What should I do to fix this?", "answer": "In addition to taking it slow like the other commenter said, try and see if you can find a buddy or your parents to sit in the car and help you as you're learning. It should be someone patient and calm who is willing to slowly go step by step with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fd14d2", "comment_id": "fjehk51"}, {"question": "my mom just agreed suicide might be my best option at this point", "description": "she has struggled her entire life with depression, and my dad killed himself by ODing when I was 11. I kind of feel like this is my destiny. The past 2-3 years I have been slowly pairing down my belongings, so now I have about 2 loads of laundry worth of clothing, some books, toiletries, and almost nothing else. I feel it'll be easier for those who have to go through my things after I'm dead if there isn't a lot to sort through. I haven't really even attempted to create a future for myself. No degree, no job to work my way up in, no relationships--at all. I think it's because I knew I would die early, and now that I haven't..I'm just waiting around hoping to die in a car crash or some other quick and horrible accident so that my family doesn't have to live with the shame of me offing myself. I was going to write \"no healthy relationships\" and then remembered I haven't talked to anyone in a social environment in so long that I genuinely don't know when it was. I'm becoming incredibly abusive to the people around me, and I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to be around me either. I don't feel anything if my heart rate isn't increased, so I hurt others with the rush of knowing it's wrong, it's hurtful, and I'm just hurting myself in the long run. I feel like I deserve to be alone. I deserve a shitty life. I genuinely deserve to die. I'm a waste of money at this point - money and resources that could easily go to someone who not only needs them but WANTS them. why would I deny someone else the possibility of having a better life just because I selfishly want to exist? I'm already not living, I'm just existing. I guess I hate myself, but it seems more apathetic. I don't give a fuck about anything at all, and it's pretty clear nobody else does either. I think (not so anymore) secretly my mom would be relieved. I'm 24 and I have always lived with her, mooching off of her hard work because I don't give a fuck about life. Anyway, I don't know what my motives for posting on here are. I'm not sure I need words of encouragement, because those slide off us suicidal folks like water on a duck. Maybe I narcissistically want to tell my life story, that if it's out there on the internet people will read and feel sorry for me somewhere, and maybe that shred of hope that someone, somewhere, gives a fuck about my anonymous reddit account that I'll be able to heal, to become normal, to actually want to live. Maybe I want someone to stop me because I'm actually considering it, and it will definitely work. Usually I can read the /r/BPD or SuicideWatch or what have you and I feel better. I feel nothing.", "answer": "You're mom is a depressed person who's mental health is impacting her ability to make sound judgement. You as well. Every decision you have made has been made impaired, in the same way as if you had been under the influence of a drug. Your brain is under the influence of depression and it's not going to help you make good decisions. Every moment that you give something away, ignore another human being, lash out or even hide away by yourself, it's not you. It's not a good decision. It's a way for the depression to keep itself around. Whatever you feel like doing, do the opposite of. It's a very effective DBT technique- your feelings are often irrational but they make sense (definition of irrational here) so it seems right but they aren't. Want to hurt yourself? Go for a run. Want to lash out and push ppl away or be alone? Talk to someone, anyone except other depressed people. Not hungry? Eat. Until you can make better, healthy decisions you can't trust your own feelings. It's weird but you know it's true. \n\nSuicide is not the answer. It never is the answer. It's unknown whether you will likely end up worse off than before, as it doesn't \"fix\" anything. It's just another way to avoid the problems. And most things you avoid end up becoming worse\n\nYou have been in crisis mode. You aren't feeling anything because if you felt what depression does, what anxiety does, it would be too much. Your body and mind are coping with the mental health disease. You can do it too. Even if you don't know you can, you will surprise yourself. You will look back and remember this moment as the moment you overcame something so immensely difficult that surviving through it will help you self actualize. It's True that the heavier the pain the deeper the emotional groove that gets carved. But the deeper the groove, the more capacity we have for love, for joy, for acceptance. You may not have that now. But you will. This is part of your journey, it's hard and it's unfair and it's cruel. But you can make it through, and you aren't alone", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ym8f3", "comment_id": "cyewzve"}, {"question": "How do you entertain yourself without alcohol?", "description": "Basically, I want to go on a vacation from drinking of indeterminate length because I drink every day or every other day and that is very bad for you.  Also, I am taking 18 college credits in two weeks and I can't do that getting drunk every day.\n\nI'm not physically addicted to alcohol as far as I can tell.  I don't even feel a really strong need to have it most of the time.  But without it I am extremely bored and I think if I'm going to succeed I need to find a way to be not bored.\n\nProblems:\n\n1.  I don't have any friends, and I don't like any of my boyfriend's friends when I'm not drunk.  For the moment, I'm not sure how to make rewarding social interaction happen.\n\n2.  I am in a small town with limited activities to do, except for a lot of bars.  There are no meetups close enough for me to drive to, and no clubs in town that you don't have to pay to join.  Both of these things are also not helped by the fact that I make very little money.\n\nI've watched every tv show I'm remotely interested in watching, I don't like competitive video games, and I feel like I've also had my fill of hobbies that feel like work (learning languages, running, cleaning (if that's a hobby), drawing).   Usually my solution is drink until EVERYTHING is interesting, but I would love to find an alternative.\n\nDid anyone else experience this sort of boredom while trying to stop drinking?  What do you DO with yourself?  Does this feeling go away ever?", "answer": "You're in a very painful time in sobriety. Early on the dopamine spike necessary for basic enjoyment of activities is astoundingly high because of how consistent drinking affects your brain. I don't have any solution to that other than to tell you it gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2d0smn", "comment_id": "cjl1zbr"}, {"question": "I really love that the only side effect of drinking too much now is that I just have to piss a lot. Not being hungover feels so damn good even when I'm tired AF.", "description": "Went to happy hour to see a co-worker off today & drank too much damn iced tea. I'll be going to the bathroom a lot this evening but it won't be because I'm puking or doing rails of cocaine.  And I'll probably not get enough sleep tonight & be tired when I wake up but at least I won't be hungover. \n\nThanks for being here, fellow sobernauts! IWNDWYT!", "answer": "I hear ya. I.must be the most hydrated person for miles...tea. water. Juice.....", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h4u8d", "comment_id": "dyia7oh"}, {"question": "I'm an attractive, but awkward woman. People think there is something really wrong with me, and it makes it even harder to get out and socialize.", "description": "What it says, basically. I'm 25F. I used to have extreme social anxiety and basically didn't get out of the house for a few years. I am trying to rebuild my life now, and I feel so hopeless.\n\nI read so many things on here about \"people don't care that you didn't have friends before,\" and it doesn't seem to apply to me at all. I deleted my Facebook a while ago, it was just too depressing to keep up with. I reactivated it last year just so an employer could find me when I was looking for a job, that was literally the only reason. I haven't used it, it's pretty much just for some profile pictures and to wish my few friends a happy birthday. I don't really use social media either, all my accounts have less than 100 friends on them. It's mortifying. I'll buy something at a store and they'll ask me to promo it on Instagram, and then I'm stuck feeling awkward because I have like 75 followers and I can see the judgment all over their face. People think I shouldn't be this way, but I am.\n\nPeople care a lot. I'm trying to go out and meet new people, and as soon as they add me and see how empty my life is, it's over. I've heard rumors about how I'm \"hiding something.\" I really don't intend to brag, but I lost a lot of weight and I'm very pretty now, so I've heard whispers that I must be a prostitute, and that's why I'm so secretive. I am modest, shy, and barely sexually active, I'm not exactly wilding out when I go out. But people have these expectations of me because of my looks, and when I fail to meet up to them because I don't have thousands of friends or cool travel stories or a list of exes that looks like Taylor Swift's, I'm obviously \"hiding\" something very sinister.\n\nI know the situation has changed, because when I was fat, people would just give me the benefit of the doubt that I was socially awkward and leave it at that. They would be much more accommodating, and I regret not having the self-worth then to accept that from them, because I'm completely alone. Now, people project all these completely false ideas on to me, and I don't know how to overcome it. It's not like I have any proof, without much of a social life or online presence, it really is like I don't exist.\n\nI want to go out and have fun and enjoy the few years I have left in my twenties. But I feel like I can't without these things. People are so harsh and judgmental and I feel like I can't do anything right.\n\nAdditionally, I'm travelling right now. It's not like I'm even trying to build long-term friendships, where history and context might matter. I just want to tour and party with people for a few days before moving onto the next city. I'm dropped like a hot potato each time.\n\nI have decent social skills now, gaining confidence has helped a lot. I'm participating here because it's still new to me, and I want to constantly improve. But it feels like people are so superficial that social skills don't even matter; only social capital does.\n\nAnd I'll never have that.\n\nI am so depressed on this vacation now, I can barely keep going. I worked so hard to improve my life and fix myself and it just feels like it's for nothing, and I'll always be so far behind the starting gate. It's such a shitty situation that I feel like I was better off being fat, people would then at least value your personality. Now, it's only the idea what you can be for people, and when you can't be that, they're gone.\n\nI relate way too much to Don Draper.\n\nI don't know how to explain myself, or how to overcome this. I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, however, I've been lurking here a long time, and I've valued the advice given greatly. I'm sorry for venting - if anything, I also sort of need someone to help me identify exactly what the hell my problem is.\n\nAs well, I know talk is cheap, but my intention here isn't to brag. I've been on both sides, and while becoming attractive has helped me in a lot of ways, particularly in regards to how I am treated, which makes overcoming social anxiety much easier than it is for most, there are also drawbacks. I am posting this to learn how to navigate these drawbacks, without having to sugarcoat anything. I hope that makes sense!\n\n*edit:* Thank you for all your thoughtful replies, please keep them coming! I'm going to do my best to get back to them quickly, but since I am traveling and have limited data, I have to squeeze these in when I can find wifi. I really appreciate your comments, your perspectives have lifted a weight off my shoulders. I will definitely participate here more!", "answer": "Have you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? It sounds like a lot of the things you are telling yourself about what other people are thinking of you are just untrue, and cognitive behavioral therapy really helps you challenge those thoughts and let go of being controlled by them. If you don't have access to therapy right now, try googling it or check out the book \"Feeling Good\" by David Burns (creator of CBT).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6m72tw", "comment_id": "djziyoj"}, {"question": "BOUNDARIES", "description": "I want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "Very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? If you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "ffi1b9g"}, {"question": "Dyshidrotic eczema fluid- what is it?", "description": "Gender: female\nAge: 21\nSmoking history: none, though my SO smokes near me often\nWeight: ~135lbs\nHeight: 5\u20193.5\u201d\nMeds: None\nMedical problems: cat allergy\nLocation of complaint: fingers/hands\nDuration of complaint: on and off the past few years or so\n\nI suspect I have a very mild case of this eczema- tiny, itchy blisters forming \u2018deep\u2019 under my skin, usually on my fingertips and the edges of my fingers. When popped, the liquid leaves a sheen behind after drying- it\u2019s definitely not water (if that wasn\u2019t evident before.) What is the liquid inside eczema blisters?", "answer": "Eczema blisters, like many blisters, fill with plasma \\(the liquid, non\\-cellular part of blood\\)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mg68l", "comment_id": "dznc1bs"}, {"question": "Anyone here have a vitamin D deficiency?", "description": "I was recently diagnosed with a severe vitamin D deficiency. I think it's because I cover up from head to toe year round due to my hirsutism. Also heavily introverted so I'm indoors most of the time. I'm worried about my bone health. My back constantly aches and I've developed hump on the base of my neck. Also I'm a two inches shorter this year. What does this all mean?", "answer": "Yeah, I was put on prescription vitamin D. \n\nI read up and found most overweight people have low levels because it just hangs out in the fat instead of doing the stuff out body needs it to. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7h1oex", "comment_id": "dqo4raf"}, {"question": "Rescued by a real-life knight last night.", "description": "We just got to our seats at the concert, my husband and in-laws get settled as the show begins. Seconds later, a few of my friends stumble to their seats behind us, and one friend hands me a drink and all I hear is \u201chere\u2019s a sparkling water.\u201d \n\nI take a sip and it was a vodka club (which we used to call \u201c[my name] water\u201d as a joke -yikes, you know you have a problem when...) but he also didn\u2019t know I\u2019m not drinking anymore, and this would usually be a wonderful gift for me... so honest mistake.   \n\nAs the sip went down, a quick flash of justifications why it was ok to take another sip wash over me, BUT at that EXACT INSTANT I look at the Jumbotron monitors and the images with the song playing show a woman crying inside her car while parked at a liquor store, as she\u2019s eyeing her AA chip. \n\nBOOM. It hit me like a brick wall. NO! NO! NO! I started welling up with tears as the video played, subtly showing other images of addiction... \n\nI handed the drink back to my friend (who somehow sucked his down already) and told him I shouldn\u2019t around the in-laws.  \n\nThe instant I handed the drink back, it was like a spiritual moment where the notes rang sweeter, the words went deeper, the colors brighter. After a few songs, the artist spoke very candidly about his struggles with addition and asking for help. It was like he was speaking directly to me. Tears ran down my cheeks as I tried to conceal my emotions.\n\nThank you, Sir Elton John, for being my white knight. You saved me last night. \n\n\u201cSo goodbye yellow brick road\nWhere the dogs of society howl\nYou can't plant me in your penthouse\nI'm going back to my plough\u201d \n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "This is a really great and well told story. Gave me chills. Thank you for sharing! And great job by the way!!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dtxh9u", "comment_id": "f71rc27"}, {"question": "Advice with getting diagnosed.", "description": "I will keep it short. I think there is something psychologically wrong with me so looking for some advice as to how to find someone to tell me if I am just imagining things or something is actually wrong. I am living in York in England but all advice is welcome and very much appreciated. I am also at the university in york if that helps. \n\nEdit: Thank you all for the advice for what to do. I am going to email when I get back to university about doing sessions and also to my GPS as well. Thanks again to you all.\n", "answer": "I'm not sure if it's the same in England--I'd be very surprised if it was different--but over here in the US, most universities offer at least a few sessions at the university's counseling center included in tuition. \n\nIf I understand correctly, you're at the University of York, and [according to this page on their website](https://www.york.ac.uk/students/health/mental-illness/yourself/), on the right-hand side of the page is some contact information for the support center. I would start there. If you need more in-depth assistance, they can refer you to an appropriate clinic or hospital.\n\nI hope that helps!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l43jo", "comment_id": "dbsqnvt"}, {"question": "Can I be experiencing symptoms of something I don\u2019t have just because I\u2019ve been worrying I might have it?", "description": "Female, Caucasian, 25, 5\u20191\u201d, 143 lbs, non-smoker.\n\nI was drinking these sugary coffee drinks everyday for a while and at the end of last week, I noticed every time I drank one, I was feeling super nauseous after. Of course, this made me google the symptom and the top thing that cake up was diabetes. \n\nOf course, I saw some other symptoms of diabetes and talked to my friend who\u2019s a nurse and she told me I would be endlessly thirsty and frequently needing to use the restroom. Of course, now I\u2019m super thirsty constantly and using the restroom only 5 minutes after just going. And then another friend told me that I would have tingly fingers and toes and now I have that, too.\n\nI\u2019m not sure if I had these symptoms before and my awareness of them made me see or if these are occurring because I\u2019m afraid that I have diabetes.\n\nEdit: I do not have diabetes. I thought I did and looked up the symptoms and started experiencing them. Thanks to everyone who helped.", "answer": "Yes, it's possible and actually fairly common to develop symptoms because you're worried about the disease.\n\nTingly fingers and toes are a late symptom of diabetes. The chance that you would develop that before diagnosis is very small. Thirst and urination (polydipsia and polyuria) can be symptoms of diabetes, but you can also be thirsty because it's hot out, need to pee because you just drank a lot of fluid, and then feel the need to pee more because you're anxious about it.\n\nIt's straightforward to see a doctor and get tested. It's possible that you have diabetes. It's possible that this is all anxiety. It's even possible that you have diabetes *and* the symptoms are produced by anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ckagb9", "comment_id": "evlbojb"}, {"question": "Back together with her, feels different, \"less\" in general? [relationships] [no contact rule] [dating your ex] [rebound] [grass is greener syndrome]", "description": "Long story short I [25m] dated this girl [23f] for cuople of months, then at one point she started to act really bitchy around me to the point that she wanted became friends with benefits only, so I broke it off. I applied 30 day no contact rule because I was hoping for reconciliation but one night I saw her making out with our new neighbour (we live close to each other). It kind of ruined me. one month later she started showing interest again and we got back together. We started things slowly and she is really trying this time, but something seems off. It's like if I was over her but still with her? I was genuinely, stupidly in love with her first time around and even though I am glad that we are back together I cannot get myself to open up like this again. We talked about it and she also admitted that she is feeling \"less\" this time. Is it normal with couples who were broken up? Or is it that we get only one \"honeymoon phase\" ? Please share with me your thoughts.", "answer": "sounds like you've both re-evaluated what you want and decided you're not as compatible as previously thought", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s7hwr", "comment_id": "ddd1a5h"}, {"question": "I (26/m) broke up with my girlfriend (26/f) and i'm very conflicted and confused. I need your help.", "description": "Okay, so I was dating this girl I met because of a mutual friend, It's definitely shortest relationship I've ever had, but it was not meaningless to me. I just some insight, preferably from women, but at this point i'll take any advice at all.\n\nI started dating this girl after 3-4 dates over several weeks. Everything was going great, and I wanted to take my time before jumping into bed with her. A bit about her, she's had a bad past, was in an unstable relationship with someone who would yell at her for crying, belittled her, and it lasted on/off for 5 years. She has also struggled in the past as a former anorexic, who almost passed away.\n\nAnyways, to the issue, about a week before the end of the relationship, I noticed her being distant, I called her over and asked to talk, I didn't blame her, instead I used many \"I feel's\" rather than making her feel at fault, and she said she had been subconsciously pushing me away because i'm so nice she doesn't know how to handle it, she cried, we talked a bit, and then we cuddled, and she said she wanted me her family on the weekend.\n\nThat weekend, I met her family (uncles, brother, aunts, grandparents), amazing people, nothing bad to say about any of them, and then something happened.\n\nHer brothers girlfriend happened to come over, she was younger by about 5 years, and my girlfriend went quiet. I noticed this and asked if she was okay, she said i'll tell you later. I took her outside away from everyone and said, is there anything I can do? She told me that she get's insecure when there's another pretty girl in the room because of past experiences, I said I only have eyes for you, and you're beautiful. Everything went downhill from here.\n\nShe ended up coming back to my place that night, and it was late, so I knew she was thinking about sex, I had been up since about 5 am, and was not feeling well, up until this point I had only given her oral, and this caused a downward spiral that ended everything.\n\nShe was very hurt, like, no matter what I told her, she said that she was angry and thinking selfishly because she shaved for me, got dressed up for me, and she really did look beautiful. I get her being confused, why would you go back to your boyfriends place so late, if not for sex, that's my mistake, but it still felt so forced. I told her I just wouldn't be myself 100 % if we did it right now.\n\nThe following day, she said she was confused about her feelings, I ended up seeing her 2-3 times that week (which I realize was probably a mistake I should of given her space, and she also stopped initiating all texting. Her body language was closed off, I didn't understand why she was hanging out with me if I couldn't even hold her hand, it was very awkward.\n\nI decided to stop initiating contact for a day or 2, and she just...didn't say anything. I concluded that it really seemed like she wanted out and was just too shy to do so. I asked for my ipod back, she let me hold her hand while ending things, and then...we made out with one another.\n\nSince then I asked if we could remain friends or friends with benefits because her best friend seemed to suggest that if there was less communication and just more fun times, she would open up more.\n\nShe said we could be friends, and took a long time to consider it, since then I have texted her twice in a week, with no response, so i guess friendship is off the table.\n\nShe's an awesome person, I really tried my best, and i'm not looking to get her back, maybe to be friends one day, but being ignored hurts, and I know I need to accept this and move on. Can anyone help me rationalize my situation? Is it really because I refused sex just after a month of dating? (my longest relationship was 4 years and i'm just trying to figure this out) She's an awesome girl and it sucks that she won't even message me, she didn't argue the breakup,said sorry for wasting my time and cried.", "answer": "She has a tremendous amount of shame around her body and sex. Her insecurity was triggered by rejection, and her mind leapt to a maximalist position that it's stuck to: \"this dude is not safe.\"\n\nIn all likelihood, this was just a matter of time, because if she could be this triggered by a sin of omission (not wanting sex), it was gonna happen sooner or later.\n\nBecause it happened relatively early in your relationship, there may be no way to repair the damage. That doesn't mean that anyone is at fault. This stuff happens. Sometimes trauma steps in and fucks everybody up. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdxfm", "comment_id": "dipkc1x"}, {"question": "Seronegative infection or late seroconverter?", "description": "I'm male 31. 70kg weight. 5.5 height. I got exposure to HIV positive blood. I have all HIV symptoms. Extreme fatigue, weakness. I had stomach problems and fever after 2 weeks of exposure. I also had one swollen looking lymph node. But my three month and five month test was negative. My five month HIV 1 PCR was also undetectable.I'm afraid that I might had seronegative infection. Or different strain etc. This fatigue is unbearable now. I'm too tired and sleepy all the time . I'm on bed all the time now.", "answer": "HIV is usually asymptomatic a few months in. The more likely possibility is that you don't have HIV and may have another infection. EBV (mono), for example, or anything else that could cause nonspecific symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dri3ep", "comment_id": "f6ix786"}, {"question": "Am I drinking too much?", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I fight a lot. He has a temper. He is what most would consider emotionally abusive. I have been in therapy and see the signs. \n\nI am writing because he is now trying to say I am a drunk. I drink about 3 glasses of wine throughout a day. I'll have one when I come home from work.  One with dinner and sometimes one as my desert. He's heavy and he eats ive cream...I'll sip a glass of wine. \n\nHe says I'm a drunk and tries to use it against me. I don't get drunk often. Maybe on weekend party nights with him? But not normally...\n\nThe. I had a bottle of xanax prescribed to me 2 years ago. I take one sometimes when I. And sleep. Maybe one every six months. He has take  some of my pills!\n\nTonight he said he went and counted the pills and said he felt I had taken some. He called me a drunk and said he was worried a about me. \n\nI told him I had 2 glasses of wine today and I did NOT take a single pill!!!  \n\nHe said he doesn't believe me. He likes to try to find ways to manipulate me and I am so sick of it. \n\nI told him I will have one glass of wine a day (my Dessert) for next 2 weeks.  He said he would expect me to be hiding alcohol and it will \"catch up w me\". \n\nI couldn't believe he said all of this and I feel very sad. Sometimes I drink to stay calm because he can be so accusatory And tough. But I am not a drunk. \n\nDoes he have a point though? ", "answer": "Moderate drinking is defined as 2 drinks/day  for a male and 1 drink for a woman. A drink is defined as 5 oz of wine, or 12 oz of beer, or 1.5 oz hard liquor.\nYou can look up definitions of alcoholism on the web.   I'd be concerned if someone was drinking more than that amount everyday of their life. Beyond that, it seems like an unhappy situation, and you and your therapist can discuss that in detail and decide on whether couple therapy is prudent.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ucwpu", "comment_id": "ddt54jj"}, {"question": "A boyfriend In distress.", "description": "So me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and we really only had major 3 fights.  we both are happy most days. Now we went out yesterday  and I brought up a story about what happened to me and my friends, she said \" is this going to be one of those days\" then continues to bitch at me. After that she trys to make it up and act like it nothing happened. Now i stayed silent and didn't  say a word for most of the night. The sad thing is that this isn't a rare occourance she tends to do this to me weekly or almost daily for the last month or two i think. I'm not the yelling type of person, so I really don't fight back when she yells. The sad thing is she brings up all the past issues and it digs deep. I don't really know what to do.", "answer": "3 fights in 3 years is too little fighting. A lot of shit is getting swept under the rug. \n\nLearn to have little fights by, for instance, not pouting for half a day when she hurts your feelings. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyohd", "comment_id": "di6djos"}, {"question": "So there is this younger girl...", "description": "So, basically I met a girl last year. I know her through being friends with both her dad and brother. I really like this girl. Hell, I think I might love her. \n\nHere is the kicker though. I'm 19 (male) and she is 15. The age of consent here is 16, and neither of us would want to break that law. I've only had one girlfriend before and I'm a virgin. I'm not sure how she feels about me, she has said mixed things about liking me. When I'm with her she seems to really like me, but when we aren't together it doesn't feel that way as much.\n\nI really don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her, and just really want to be with her.\n\nAdvice? Any experiences from dating at a similar age with a similar age difference? \n\n", "answer": "How do you feel about spending time in jail or getting on the sex offender list? WortH it? Nah, probably not...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1agui9", "comment_id": "c8xox08"}, {"question": "LDR would like some help how to proceed", "description": "I'm currently in a LDR with this girl but am unsure what to do about our relationship or how to portray my feelings across properly.\n\nWould prefer to talk over pms/etc", "answer": "if it's long dist and you've never met in person, it's not a relationship yet. try to visit for a weekend and see how it goes. portray feelings by speaking from the heart.   what do you want--what does she want....those are the relevant questions", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1k2g", "comment_id": "dcfx0jr"}, {"question": "Questions about psychological assessments (How do I get one, how long do I have to wait, etc)", "description": "Hello. I'm a young man of 18 years and I was wondering how to go about getting a full psychological assessment (even covering issues I already know I have just to see how I've progressed), and mainly, what getting one entails. I'm pretty sure to get one I just ask my family doctor and/or my psychiatrist, but how long do I have to wait after that? Will they give me a big broad one (I want one as in-depth as possible) or just a small, specific one? Is there a chance they could decline me one? (I have a fear of this because a few months ago I went to the hospital not knowing what else to do because I was almost suicidal and asked for a full assessment even if it took a while or just someone to talk to. They just gave me a stupid fucking pamphlet for a group that is kind of far from me and only open one day of the week and sent me on my way...and this was a hospital known for good mental health services. Maybe I'm just whining.)\n\nI've been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety and have some problems with addiction and a bit of self harm. I can't properly maintain relationships due to my anxiety, I'm failing school and my ADHD probably has something to do with it. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I feel I may have an atypical form of it (\"Pure or mostly O\"), possibility of very mild ASD, and I'm not sure if I have a personality disorder or not. Self diagnosis gets one nowhere - I want my brain systematically checked out by a professional.\n\nTL;DR - How long do I have to wait for a psychological assesment? Who do I ask, do I have to pay, and can I be turned down one?", "answer": "To get a full psychological assessment you would need to see a psychologist for psych testing. You can ask your family doctor to refer you, or if you are seeing a therapist, you can ask for a referral.\n\nYes you would have to pay. Your insurance may possibly cover it, but you would have to look into it.\n\nHow long you wait for it would be determined by what type of assessment you are given and how busy the psychologist is. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "15qfdx", "comment_id": "c7ozeib"}, {"question": "How do I(14M) not blush?", "description": "My sisters always try to make me blush and it happens so easily and im very pale all my family is it shows very very very much im like Rudolph but with my cheeks. I want to stop its embarrassing which in return makes me blush more. I just dont like blushing.", "answer": "Blushing is a response that, while obviously uncomfortable, actually pulls people to feel empathy for you. \n\nI like to call it out when it happens and laugh about it. Works well. \n\nEdit read [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thisisinsider.com/blushing-easily-embarrassed-advantages-2017-1) . Hope it helps :)\n\n", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9pdxyk", "comment_id": "e819d3a"}, {"question": "We have a friend staying with us who we think has schizophrenia. We are in a situation right now and need some advice...", "description": "**Background**:\n\nMy parents teach at a university in Tanzania. A year and a half ago, a student in our department (which is relatively small, around 30 students) started to become extremely paranoid. Visions, hearing voices, stuff like that. She came to us about it and we agreed to take her in.\n\nIf she was experiencing any of this before, she was really great at hiding it. She went from a mostly happy person to a paranoid and timid person. Not to say that she's never happy anymore, but she was a lot more cheerful back before this started.\n\nAnyways, back to the chain of events. She started keeping her phone off at all times and didn't want to let anyone see her except for us. She stayed in her room most of the time, although she was very helpful around the house. Shortly after she started staying with us, she graduated, and we agreed to let her continue to stay with us for a while longer. She continued to be very seclusive, although she has opened up a little now.\n\nA short while later she started leaving to go someplace (we don't know where, she described it to me recently as her \"safe place\") and she claimed to have started to receive messages from God. Some were relatively harmless, but others harmed her (not physically). For example, shortly after graduating, she got a wonderful job opportunity, and we went through all this work helping her quit her old job. Soon after, though, she got a \"message\" telling her to NOT take the job, and so she immediately turned it down.\n\nThat was queer, but the queerest thing that happened was a few months ago (around Easter IIRC), when she suddenly decided to change her name. It was quite surprising to us. She absolutely refuses to answer to her old name at all, except for people who hadn't yet been notified of the change (who she immediately notified). There wasn't really that much of a personality change that came with the name change, however; it seems that it was just her name that changed.\n\nAnyways, currently she is living with us, going by her new name only, still pretty timid, still disappearing every afternoon. She is a little more open now, going places with us occasionally, etc, and she seems to generally act okay most of the time - by just talking to her you wouldn't think anything's wrong with her. In terms of relatives, her father is dead, her mother is, I'm told, mentally ill, and she was raised and cared for by her aunt as a child. She is 32 years old.\n\n**The situation:**\n\n(to avoid confusion I will henceforth refer to our friend as \"M\")\n\nM's aunt somehow got wind of M's suspected illness - either through a concerned ex-roommate of M's, or simply figuring it out herself with M's phone being off and such. She told us that she would come to pick M up and take her (home I guess). We think that something does need to happen before M makes to many bad decisions, and this \"intervention\" may be the right thing. We managed to avoid confrontation tonight due to some campus rule about not being allowed to take people from campus in the evening or something, and we're supposed to take M to a safe location (local police station) to \"transfer\" M to her aunt in the morning.\n\nKeep in mind that M, at this point in time, doesn't know anything. Apparently the last time her aunt came, her hands started to shake uncontrollably. I didn't know about this previous visit until a few minutes ago, so if more information is needed in this respect I'll ask.\n\nNow, she trusts us (I'm pretty sure), but she might become uneasy about being suddenly asked to come with us in the car. We do NOT want to do a \"trick\" or lie to get her to the station, but we're unsure how to go about this another way.\n\n**Please:**\n\n* Are we doing the right thing?\n\n* If so, are there any suggestions on how to get M to come? Do we tell her what's happening right away and hope she doesn't resist? Tricks/lies are not an option, that's just wrong.\n\n* If not, what should we do? Some sort of \"intervention\" does need to happen before the situation gets out of hand. The name change and turning down the great job opportunity may just be the start.\n\n* Does this sound like schizophrenia or something else?\n\nI'm posting this at 10:30PM local time, at around 7-7:30 AM tomorrow morning a decision has to have been made. We just really want more opinions on what needs to happen, as tonight my father already consulted with many people, including the head of the campus guards, the provost, and another teacher.", "answer": "It sounds like Schizophrenia could be a possibility, along with a few other mental illnesses.\n\nWhat does the aunt plan to do? M needs to see a doctor ASAP and get treatment before this causes any more problems or bad decisions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2b8d2i", "comment_id": "cj2sr88"}, {"question": "Psych.", "description": "22 Yr old male. Diagnosed ADHD-C. Just looking for various opinions. I was always very hyperactive as i child. Inappropriate running, jumping, climbing, etc. To this day usually have an endless supply of energy. It was not until my brain matured before i realized my brain functioning was different from others. So that diagnosis is said and done. I was wondering if my adhd is secondary to something else like BP type 2. I am very hyperemotional almost always. I erupt in anger quickly and cannot control tears etc. I also have extreme empathy which is not always a bad thing. I certainly have days where i feel sort of hypomanic where i feel elated and nothing can stop me (elevated confidence). People have said i seem \"wound-up\" and i definately feel it but you do not realize this until its over. Ive also had two bouts of insomnia but this was quite a few years ago. The only issue is with the depression aspect. I dont recall every being depressed for a long period of time. I have days where i just dont want to leave my house but they pass very quickly. I feel as if i may be depressed sometimes or on a low but i cannot really tell. There is hist. of schizophrenia in my family but no BP that i am aware of. Another side note is a parent acts the same way i do at times and they cannot control it. So i get to see the other side of these tendencies and it is definitely not normal. I guess my big issue here is i cannot tell if i am having symptoms or this is just  my personality, and yes it does cause issues in my life.  ", "answer": "How long does both the highs and lows last for?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58u6sw", "comment_id": "d93aofi"}, {"question": "Back in rehab, again. What the fuck", "description": "Was sober for almost 3 years after the first stint in rehab, then got cocky and distanced myself from AA, thought I would never drink again.  One time away by myself on a business trip slowly became a year and a half struggle to stop\n\nBack to square one to try and build the foundation up again for a clean start, and hopefully my last time in treatment, and a sustainable life in recovery\n\nThanks everyone", "answer": "There's no way you are at square one. You have experience, motivation, knowledge of a better way and most of your final process figured out. Patch the holes, full the gaps and develop a habit of self and supported inventory on a regular basis to check for future leaks. Your clean time brought you back and will be a framework for the future; it just wasn't quite enough.  You got this. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5wrv39", "comment_id": "decpiiy"}, {"question": "I'm [25M] At A Loss Over Problems with the Girl I've Been Dating [25F]", "description": "I've posted about this before and I've been warned about this repeatedly by a couple of people. I guess my chickens have finally come home to roost. \n\nI dated a girl my senior year of university and fell in love with her. We broke up but we ended up living in the same area as each other but away from our home state. For all intents and purposes, we've been dating for a couple of years but she never felt comfortable making it official. \n\nShe said that was because she felt that if we officially dated, she'd feel pushed towards marriage. I believed her and gave her time because, to be honest, I love this woman. I want to marry her. \n\nThree weeks ago we went to a mutual friends' wedding as dates to separate people. At that wedding, she heavily flirted with another guy that wasn't me nor her date. I got really angry and uncomfortable and I felt trapped. There was even a moment when I was driving the two of them to a bar where they were holding hands and flirting, even though she could tell that I was obviously distressed by it. \n\nWe talked about that and last week she went on a cruise. She met a guy that she said she had a lot of fun with and she felt like he respected her. He lives halfway across the country, but since she got back they've been texting and talking on the phone. Over the weekend I drunkenly confronted her about it and it didn't go great. \n\nShe called me last night and we got into an argument. She feels like I'm being jealous and controlling. I am jealous but it almost feels like she doesn't understand that it's fucking hard for me to watch her be happy with another guy when so recently we were going out on dates. \n\nI feel used and abandoned and I feel like some of my stupid over reactions have destroyed my life with her. She has said that she loves me but just isn't sure if she'd be a good wife for me and wants to see if there's anything else for her out there.\n\nI need help explaining how I feel to her. She has asked for some time before we talk, but I don't know where to start telling her how I feel. Reddit, please help me figure out a way to talk to her without making a fool of myself and to make her understand how I feel. \n\nTl;dr- Girl I've been unofficially dating for years has called me jealous and has flirted with other men in front of me. I love her and I feel like she doesn't understand how I feel. I'm terrified that she just kept me around until she found someone \"better.\"", "answer": "She's texted me once or twice since I posted this and I've ignored them. I deleted my text history of her in my phone but I'm not quite ready to delete her phone number. \n\nI still want to sit down with her and talk about everything. What are some good ways to explain how I feel without making her defensive and shutting down? I do feel like she legitimately doesn't see how much of a jerk she's being. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "10ggqm", "comment_id": "c6dchnf"}, {"question": "\"Ruined\" due to PTSD", "description": "A couple of years ago I was at a work function and during lunch one of my colleagues told a brief anecdote about a friend of hers who had been in the military and developed combat ptsd.\n\nAlthough it's a serious topic, she was speaking about it rather light-heartedly - about how she jumps at noises, is afraid of the dark, fearful of strangers, etc. \n\nWhat really bothered me at the time, and what I can't seem to get out of my head right now, is how she said, laughing, \"They *ruined* her.\"\n\nMy colleague is in her early 30s, and generally an intelligent, kind and thoughtful person. Her saying this cut me so deeply. I have ptsd stemming from a fairly violent stranger sexual assault, so while our conditions don't have the same origin, I could really relate to what she was saying about her friend.\n\nI struggle a lot with feeling 'ruined' since this happened to me. I have no idea why this has come into my mind again after a couple of years, but I can't seem to shake it. I feel so worthless and deeply disgusting, and like I will never be better.\n\nWith the holidays coming up, I know I will see my friends with their husbands and kids, and be asked if I'm dating etc... I feel like such a fucking loser. I keep trying to imagine myself getting close to a man again, and I just can't. At all. It's even difficult being around the male members of my family, even thought they would never hurt me.\n\nCurrently I'm actually off work to focus on intensive exposure therapy, and this reminder... her laughter as she spoke of her friend's triggers and how she is 'ruined'... I just can't see what the point of anything is right now. I'm ruined. I will never scrub this stain away. I *am* the stain.", "answer": "I have felt this so so so much. We have some very similar stories. Good on you for going through intensive exposure therapy; it helped me a lot in processing my own rape. If the intensive exposure therapy feels like too much, look into trying EMDR therapy.\n\nAlso....someone said something really insignificant last weekend but it has been really profound for me. I don't know if I'll explain it well, but they just said something about how life is ruined, life is always ruined. Every life will have huge losses and pain, every life we could possibly live will have huge deviations from our ideal imagined life. This pain and \"ruin\" looks different for everyone of course and it's easy to feel more ruined than others. But I think for me it's helped a bit to accept that yeah, my life is ruined, and that's ok because it always would have been ruined one way or another. I'm ruined, but so is everyone else. \n\nI know it seems like everyone else is having so much more success in life, having \"normal\" relationships, kids, jobs, whatever, but one thing I've learned being in group therapy is that we really are so unaware of the burdens and the ruinations that other people are bearing. I know you feel like you are more ruined than most anyone else, but you aren't. Sending good thoughts your way...\n\n ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5fff7u", "comment_id": "dajy051"}, {"question": "How do I ask my doctor for a therapist and what should I say? How do I find out what kind of therapist I need and how can I convey this to my doctor?", "description": "You can read this post for more info https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/fw8gxw/how_do_i_know_if_i_am_a_pedophile_or_it_is_just/\n\nI made a post on this subreddit about a month ago asking about being a pedophile and I learned about POCD. I don't know if I'm a pedophile or have OCD but I know I really need a therapist and I think the only way to get myself to ask for one is to ask my doctor but I don't know what on earth I should say to them. How would I find out if I need a sex specialist or an OCD specialist? The last thing I would want is to finally get the courage to get a therapist and end up wasting a whole lot of time because it doesn't help or I get misdiagnosed or I get the wrong therapist. And since I don't know what kind of therapist I need, how would I bring it up to my doctor? What should I say to them?", "answer": "I want to start by saying that a lot of the online diagnoses you got in your first post were inappropriate and nobody could accurately diagnose you with OCD or pedophilia based on what you posted. \n\nDef tell your doctor you are struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety related to sex . Any psychologist can talk to you and then determine if you need some specific treatment . You may also be appropriate for psychosexual assessment .\n\nIf you , do , in fact,  have pedophilia,  which I'm not sure you do , a sex therapist would not be the right specialty.  There are specific programs for paraphilias and sex offenders (I know you said you haven't offended) and these are very effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwah7s", "comment_id": "fmnf61g"}, {"question": "I no longer feel like I know how to function socially", "description": "Hey everyone,\n\nI have been sober since early February from alcohol and I am very proud of it. I previously had 3 years sober, but relapsed very hard last year and then again in January. I was a morning to night, mostly solo drinker and never much of a partier. I am having some confused feelings lately about my sobriety.\n\nI have a small sober circle of friends, but in general most of my friends (including my partner) are not sober. I recently went on a trip with my partner to see my friends and got into some situations I probably shouldn't have been in. My partner essentially chain smoked weed for the entire trip, as did all of my friends. On one particular night everyone decided to drink, smoke and blow coke.\n\nNeedless to say I was shaken. I didn't want to use, but the discomfort was so immense. I felt angry and scared. I felt alienated at being the only sober one there. The only thing I could think to do was to smoke cigarettes and try to ignore it.\n\nHonestly I don't know what to do at this point. My partner's constant smoking bothers me to no end and I don't want to dissolve my relationships with my friends over their substance use, but maybe that is the only course of action. I feel like an absolute baby when I complain about feeling alienated or articulating how uncomfortable I feel in these situations. Have you been in this position before? I am really upset about this.", "answer": "Augusten Burroughs has a great metaphor about this in his book *Dry*. While in rehab for alcoholism, he is meeting with his therapist, who is helping him design a plan for \"re-entry\" into the world without going back to his old ways. She is telling him that he will have to make some changes. Like what? \"'Think of a puzzle,' she says. She draws a square and then inside of this adds squiggly puzzle shapes, with one missing piece. 'So this piece here is you.' She draws an individual puzzle piece. 'In recovery, your shape changes. In order for you to fit back into the rest of the puzzle, your life, the other pieces of the puzzle must also change their shapes to accommodate you.'\" He asks, what if the other pieces of the puzzle don't change? What then? \"'Then,' she says, 'you find another puzzle to belong to.'\"\n\nSo it goes in recovery. Painfully and unfortunately, a lot of relationships that one has as an addict can not continue if one really wants to change. It sucks but it also makes space for people who better fit into the new life that you are creating.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "dp2jkx", "comment_id": "f5t6cpg"}, {"question": "Being treated for Serotonin Syndrome. Have to d/c Effexor cold turkey. Worried about withdrawal symptoms; how serious are they and what can I do?", "description": "Required info:\n23 Female 5'6 130 lb\nCaucasian, Western US\nNon-smoker\nmedical history: PMDD, IgA Vasculitis\nCurrent medical problem: have been feeling increasingly bad and weird for past 3 weeks. doc yesterday believes I have serotonin syndrome based on my sx. \nCurrent meds: birth control (oral), lisinopril for kidneys, was on Effexor 175 until yesterday. was also rx Clonazepam 0.5 PRN for withdrawal symptoms.\n\n\nIssue:\nSo, my doc thinks I have serotonin syndrome. That is a kind of a long story to explain all the sx and what led up to this but I am so grateful he caught it because I had been feeling honestly awful and strange and was not sure what was wrong with me. He recommended I stop Effexor cold turkey as SS can be very dangerous if not treated. \n\nbut here's the thing. I already get awful w/ds if I don't take my Effexor on time every morning. I tried to wean off of it once and even that was so unbearable I couldn't do it. But I agreed because my life is obviously more important than a little discomfort.\n\nBut, I admit I did turn to Dr. Google to read about the w/ds and what to expect, how long, etc. I was a little terrified when I read *three weeks* for how long they can last. I have a life to live! But okay, I can handle it. However, some legit-seeming websites said that it should never be discontinued cold turkey because it can lead to really serious medical problems and even death. WTF?!?! \n\nIs this legitimate? Do I need to wean off of it, even if I do have serotonin syndrome (which I do believe based on my doc's description & my own preexisting knowledge of it; I never would have guessed but it makes sense)? how do I prevent serious withdrawal symptoms? I can handle feeling kind of crappy, but I don't want to fuck myself over and, you know, die.\n\nThanks!!", "answer": "Effexor withdrawal is unpleasant but not dangerous. There aren\u2019t very definite symptoms.\n\nYou skipped over it but I\u2019m curious. Serotonin syndrome is serious and acute, not chronic. What were the signs and symptoms that led to that diagnosis?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cn6lb2", "comment_id": "ew7tpk3"}, {"question": "After 9 years of homelessness I have a roof over my head and feel good.", "description": "I am 30 years old man from germany with abitur and have been homeless since 2011, that is until last febuary. I guess I have mental health issues but im not in therapy at the moment, the current situation put that a bit on the back burner. But in the past I hated myself and attempted to end my life on a handfull of occasions, getting always closer to breaking and doing it.\n\nMaybe three month ago I was approched by a social worker and he helped me find my way to a home for young men in rough situations in just a couple of weeks. It is still hard to belive how easy that was. For about a month and a half I just kinda houng out and got acclimated but kept some of my old habbits up (not drugs, just kinda being aimless). With Corona crashing the party, I spend all of my time at home and lazed around.\n\nBut this week I started to work in the extensive garden. Planting crops, installing watering systems and stuff. Today I planted 100+ onions, waterd some salat and cleaned up a volleyball field. I felt good doing that. Then I had myself a nice cold shower and sat down to write this. Im happy right now. Im happy that I enjoyed work. I put the fear that all this shit in my life was because Im just lazy behind me. I enjoy working. Im crying.", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your life story with us! it takes courage to reflect on how we've handled our lives. I'm glad you are in this place now. As they say, not all days will be of glory. For me, the important thing is remembering that you might not be okay today, but tomorrow you will. \n\nHave compassion with your process. You've got this. And seek therapy!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fxrjqw", "comment_id": "fmxblm9"}, {"question": "I Expressed my feelings and..", "description": "So about 2 month ago I started talking to this girl and we started talking nonstop for about 3 weeks and tagging her in a unanimous amount of memes and all of sudden she stated she was sorry she was bad at messaging back which I think is BS, but still insisted to keep tagging her in memes. 1 week ago in the middle of the night I couldn't hold the thought anymore of writing a message to her to sincerely expressing my feelings towards her, so I did. I went on to explain how I had developed the feelings and everything else that falls in that category. Her reply back was \"I literally have no clue what to say, you left me speechless..\" I really been struggling to process this as if it is a green light or did she just brush me off? Can anyone help me out here? Thanks.. ", "answer": "might mean she needs to think on it. give it 2-3 days and follow up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t5arz", "comment_id": "ddk9bfm"}, {"question": "Cardiac arrest at 24 years old", "description": "Background: female, 24 years old, about 1,65m and 60kg. Has diabetes (type 1), detected at around 6 y.o. Has always had minor panic/anxiety attacks, usually accompanied with minor chest pains, that her medical team always discarded. Doesn't smoke, generally healthy habits and blood tests have been normal. \n\nThis is a very close friend of mine, and I really need some advice on how to handle this, or even if there's something else the medical team should be doing.\n\nThis past 27th of April, she woke up dealing with chest pain and complaint about a slight numbness on her left foot, and decided to rest it out. But with no improvements, her mother got worried and rushed her to the hospital, thankfully one of the best when it comes to cardiac problems is very nearby (I should add I do not live in the US at this point, this happened in Portugal).\n\nShe walked in through the ER, was seen in a triage setting, where they saw her heartbeat was very erratic and gave her an orange wristband (we have a color system ranging from green to red, orange being of very high priority, only beaten by red). Right after they checked her, she collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. Was immediately assisted, defibrillator and all, and was with no pulse for around 50min, until they managed to stabilise her. She went into the OR, where a bypass was put on her leg. Something with the bypass didn't went totally right, because she was rushed to the OR again that night to correct it (I can't say for sure, because this is second hand news, but it was supposedly a clot that formed? I dunno), and they had to give her a blood transfusion. At this point they did a CAT scan and assured there was no brain damage, and that recovery was now totally dependent on heart and breathing evolution. They gave her a 30% chance of surviving. She was in an induced coma for about a week, heart beating with outside help, ventilator, and even dialysis machine, because her kidneys weren't cooperating either.\n\nSlowly but surely, they took her supporting machinery and she improved. She woke up. Had movement. Followed us around the room with her eyes, and sometimes moved her arms around, but never has she said a word. She has been awake for a week tomorrow. She still hasn't spoken a word. There are moments where it seems she answers our questions with intentional blinks, but other times we're not so sure. They discovered she had a clostridium infection, and are now treating it. They did an MRI, and yesterday told us that there is in fact brain damage. But it is scattered and not localised, and they are all minimal damages, but they didn't know if they were permanent or not.\n\nDoctors aren't saying anything else and we're all just left so confused and feeling deserted because they explained nothing and didn't even elaborate on what to do from here. We only know speech is one of the affected areas, but they didn't even explain if they meant speech or cognition.\n\nFamily situation is complicated, and the public hospitals here are complicated as well, to many patients, very little resources, and the staff is clearly strained all the time.\n\nMy question is, since I can't figure out anything at all from the doctors, how can it be possible for the initial CAT scan to show nothing, but then an MRI show brain damage? And what should we expect from here on? How can we help? Is this type of brain damage usually reversible or completely permanent? Can it become worse, since at first there was no damage and now there is?\n\nI'm really desperate for some answers on what to expect and how to help. Thank you so much if you went through the trouble of even reading or up voting this.", "answer": "There are two possible reasons for the discrepancy. One is that CT and MRI aren\u2019t the same and detect different things. MRI is better at many subtler changes that aren\u2019t visible in large scale anatomy. There\u2019s also a difference in timing. A CT done quickly may be done before any damage is apparent; any scan done days or even hours later might pick up ongoing changes.\n\nHer chances and degree of recovery are impossible for us to say. Lack of oxygen circulation because of cardiac arrest is bad for all organs, but some are more sensitive than others. Brain is unfortunately very sensitive, and 50 minutes without a pulse or breathing is a long time. Diffuse brain damage, called anoxic brain injury, is a sadly common result. Because of brain plasticity, even with physical damage some people have better recovery and some have none, but if it\u2019s showing up on MRI it\u2019s probably permanent physical damage. If things were bad enough that other organs also stopped working, like kidneys, it\u2019s more likely that her brain also took a serious hit.\n\nI am very sorry for your friend and for you. Unexpected, unexplained medical catastrophes are tragic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i68uo", "comment_id": "dypa850"}, {"question": "Should I find a new therapist", "description": "(If this is the wrong place to post this, my apologies: Please don't hesitate to tell me what, if any, might be a more appropriate subreddit.)\n\nI could use the opinion of an objective party or parties about something; I\u2019ve pretty much made up my mind on multiple occasions, but I keepdoubting myself.\n\nMy therapist, L, does not have much respect for my wife, who is dealing with MAJOR depression.  She does not understand her total inability to function at times, and openly questions whether my wife\u2019s DBT is actually doing her any good.  L has been (with permission) in contact with my wife\u2019s therapist (M) to discuss strategies; she *really* does not like L at all, and considers her very unprofessional, but has made some effort to meet her half-way.\n\nLast night, L called me and we spoke for about 20 minutes.  During a meeting with the rest of her practice, L brought up my situation and solicited advice.  Overwhelming -- or so she tells me -- her peers recommended that my wife\u2019s therapist drop her for non-compliance.  This should, in their opinion, *force* her into action, as my wife has clearly admitted an ability to function when things are at a crisis point.\n\n(If the house was on fire, she\u2019d be amazing.  But she ignores the flammable material stacked in the corners, even when there\u2019s smoke rising from some of them, and generally leaves *me* to deal with them.)\n\nShe then left a voicemail for my wife\u2019s therapist, in which she expressed the same feeling and apparently said that my wife doesn\u2019t \u201cdeserve\u201d to be in therapy.  Not surprisingly, M is not pleased.  On L\u2019s recommendation (and again, with my wife\u2019s permission) I spoke directly to her for a while last night trying to explain the position that I\u2019m in. M was very understanding and non-accusitory, inviting me to attend my wife\u2019s session with her next week.\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do.  My wife can\u2019t STAND L, but doesn\u2019t want me to drop the only therapist who I\u2019ve had any success with.  I feel that a line has absolutely been crossed, and I don\u2019t like the position that this has put in me in with my wife, but even M agrees that L is acting out of genuine concern for myself and for my son...who has, in fact, been negatively impacted by his mother\u2019s behavior.\n\nI\u2019m giving very serious thought to dropping L and finding a new therapist, as I feel that L is encouraging a sort of adversarial position with my wife.  On the other hand, I\u2019m wondering if I want to drop her for my *own* sake, or for my wife\u2019s.  My wife agrees that this is a genuine concern, and is not encouraging me one way or the other.  I\u2019ll be talking to L directly at my next appointment, a week away, but I\u2019m not sure what I should do.  I\u2019m also feeling guilty because, as I said, I really do think that L is really doing and saying what she thinks is best for me.\n\nOn the other hand, she can be very overbearing...and I know that she sometimes hears what she wants/expects to hear, so I don't know how reliable some of what she's relayed to me really is?\n\nDoes L\u2019s behavior seem unprofessional to anyone else? At this point, I don't think that I'd feel entirely comfortable staying with her practice.  But yet....", "answer": "So before I get started, I just want to say that I'm a licensed therapist and have been practicing for some time.  \n\nThis is a really tricky situation.  On one hand, you say your therapist has been good for you.  It seems like in some instances she's pushing you out of your comfort zone and forcing you to think differently about some issues with your wife.  Perhaps even set some healthy boundaries and expectations that haven't been there.  I think this is definitely a positive thing for you.  \n\nOn the other hand, I don't think it's very professional of her to be making recommendations to your wife's therapist based off of what you are telling her in your therapy.  Your therapy should be yours, and your wife's therapy should be her own.  It's going to hinder your relationship with your own therapist if you're afraid of what you tell her is going to get to your wife's therapist and then eventually to your wife.  \n\nI'd recommend rescinding the permission given for your therapist to communicate with your wife's therapist.  You are allowed to revoke consent to release of information at any time.  This may be somewhat a difficult situation if you and your wife are being seen at the same agency as therapists are allowed to talk about their cases to colleagues in a supervision setting.  \n\nIf after you rescind your consent for your therapist to share information about what you say to your wife's therapist she continues to do so, this is grounds for a lawsuit so 95% or more, she won't violate this.  \n\nStart focusing more on yourself and less on your wife in your therapy (even if that means your plans for how to react to your wife's issues).  If your therapist continues to be hung up on your wife and won't shift therapy to what you want to focus on, be firm with her, and if she doesn't follow through, drop her.  \n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6t2i0w", "comment_id": "dlhe53d"}, {"question": "My [m/26] gf [f/25] want s to talk about \"future\", but I feel it's too early.", "description": "My gf and I have been together for 2.5 years, and things have been going well. I'd like to move in with her once our leases are up in the end of spring. However, once I brought up moving in, she decided to start the whole entire \"future\" conversation, and I honestly do not feel like we are at that point yet.\nI'm only 26 and she is only 25 and I don't think I should have to be thinking about when/if we are going to get married or what we are going to name children, but she says she want to know my \"timeline\". I don't like idea of timeline, I think it is pressuring and pointless, because I do not want to hold myself to any kind of deadline. i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose, but I feel like she is trying to close off other options.\nHow do I deal with this and let her know that she needs to back off?\nTl;dr: gf want to talk future, I think it's too early.\n", "answer": "> i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose\n\nYeah, so ... this is not how that works. Marriage and kids should be a joint discussion, and at 2.5 years it's entirely reasonable for her to make sure you're on the same page. This doesn't mean hard deadlines and naming future crib midgets ... but if you said you wanted to get married at 40, and she wanted to get married in the next 2 years, that would be a giant deal. \n\n> let her know that she needs to back off?\n\nOy. Be an adult, have the discussion. She shouldn't just be expected to hang out and shut up until you feel like moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3uvw4x", "comment_id": "cxi7u9t"}, {"question": "What's wrong with meeee", "description": "I (22f) to get my feelings hurt easily and I know that about myself. And whenever my boyfriend (21m) tells me he wants alone time or something and doesn't want to hang out or text me, I get really sad and my feelings get hurt. I know it's not personal of course and it is 100% okay for him to wanna have some peace and quiet but I just get really sad. What's wrong with me? ", "answer": "find a therapist for your self esteem issues and possible depression", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lj574", "comment_id": "djukvfv"}, {"question": "Do therapists \"have it together\"?", "description": "*this is a light question*\n\nLOL, therapists are mysterious people. I don't really know anything about mine, except what I can infer about them from our sessions.\n\n...\n\nMy problem is that I never really think I \"have it together\".\n\nIn our sessions, I always complain about not \"having it together\". My therapist uses the CBT model and helps me build and maintain a routine so I feel like I am more on top of things, though I've never actually felt truly on top of *everything*.\n\n...\n\nSo I'm wondering if \"having it together\" all the time ... is even possible. Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nSince therapists help most of their clients \"get it together\", I kind of assume they know how to regulate their mood and be on top of things and keep things together in their own lives. If anyone feels like they're on top of things, it must be the therapist!\n\nSo that's the question:\n\n* Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n* Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n* Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\n*otherwise, I feel silly going in every week and telling my therapist how I don't feel like I am on top of everything lol*", "answer": "Obviously,  nobody is perfect and problems are going to pop up . Some things in our control and some things out of our control. \n\nPsychologists are trained for many years,  and part of that involves learning how to manage one's own life and emotions so that it does not impact work . I don't think i understood this as well,  when I worked as a master's level therapist . That may just be personal,  though .\n\n>\nAre there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nYes, absolutely.  My partner (who is not a mental health professional and has never been in therapy) is totally this,  and I learned a lot from being with him. I have not always been this way , but I can definitely say I am content and adequate almost all the time.  I'm confident in what I do know , and willing to admit what I don't, which I also think is a good skill . \"Put together \" is more vague. I don't know.\n\n>Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n\nYes. Of course we feel overwhelmed at times , but the ability to step back when needed and ask for help is a skill that can be learned. \n\n>Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\nYes, when you decide what it really means to you and have reasonable goals.  I know what is non-negotiable in my life and what I can let go. I know what is in my control and what is not.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geqkb3", "comment_id": "fq3mu5i"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has nickel intoxication, we have no clue how this happened.", "description": "Hi there!\n\nMy girlfriend was diagnosed with nickel intoxication. She has about twice the allowed amount of nickel in her body. The thing is: We have no clue why this happened. She was also diagnosed with histamine intolerance.\n\nShe had problems with her hand for about 4 months now. She has an eczema that got worse and worse (only on her right hand, on the upper half of her palm). It's a weeping wound. After she got a cortisone cream, it got better, dried up, developed a scab and healed. But as soon as the cream (and treatment) ended, the eczema came back. This went back and forth 3 times, until we decided to get better testing.\n\nSome data:\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 170 centimeter (5.6 feet)\n* Weight: 80 kilograms (175 pounds)\n* Race: Caucasian\n* Location: Austria\n* Smoker: No\n\nMy mother has a nickel intolerance and I know how that can manifest. But my girlfriend never had issues and didn't buy any new jewellery. Besides, from what the doctor said, a nickel intolerance isn't the same as nickel intoxication.\n\nPossible reasons we thought of:\n\n* Old plumbings in our appartment: But there are about 20 more flats in our appartment building, many inhabited by old people and no problem is known. Also, I show no symptoms (didn't get it tested though). And she doesn't drink tapwater that much.\n* Fish: She likes to eat store-bought ready-to-eat sushi and eats it about twice a week. Is that enough to cause nickel intoxication?\n* Food: We don't have the healthiest diet (but we're trying to do better), but there's nothing too unusual. Bread, butter, meat (mostly turkey meat, but also beef, chicken and pork), all sorts of vegetables, rice, eggs, fruits. And we really like sweets and soft drinks.\n* Paleo food: We recently started eating after a paleo diet, not very strict, but it's worth mentioning. We still eat bread and the occasional sweets, but we eat more rice and eggs than we used to and avoid milk products (except butter) and legumes. If she drinks soft drinks, they are calorie-free (maybe that's important). I don't think anything else changed so much that it's worth mentioning.\u007f\u007f\n* We can't think of any other factors like chemicals or things like that. Nothing unusal going on.\n\nNeither I nor our little boy (23 months old) have shown any symptoms of nickel intoxication. I'm away all week except for the weekends and our little boy has a mostly different diet, so that doesn't say much, but it may rule out some things like the plumbing, since he almost exclusively drinks tap water.\n\nI really hope you can help and/or have some clues what can cause nickel intoxication and what we should watch out for. Thanks a lot!", "answer": "Possibly a stupid question - but who diagnosed nickel intolerance?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fi5mf", "comment_id": "dal0fca"}, {"question": "Name the \"Dos and Don'ts\" of ADHD!!!", "description": "Tell me, what should I do? What shouldn't I do? What should I avoid, what should I add to my life? Anything from food, to books, to music, to hobbies...", "answer": "DO\n\n* Pay attention to how long it *actually* takes to do things. I find that when I'm estimating the time it'll take to get someplace, I need to add 20% to get the actual time. \n\n* Find a system that works, and trust the system. If it's sticky notes, todo apps, or a personal secretary, stick to it. \n\n* Get more sleep, exercise, and eat better. It really helps. \n\nDON'T\n\n* Let anxiety get out of control. Procrastination is basically an anxiety avoidance behavior, and ADHD makes it much worse. \n\n* Expect everyone to accept your excuses. I've burned too many bridges by abusing the good graces of others, rather than learning to cope with my own issues. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2w70pu", "comment_id": "coocn01"}, {"question": "My [21/f] girlfriend has extreme catholic parents and I am getting extremely bored of how the relationship works because of them.", "description": "I have been dating this girl for a bit more than two months now, and I really like her in every way, but the huge problem is that her parents take care of her like she was 8.\n\nShe can't come to my house, we can't be alone, we have to (almost every time) be with her parents, she can't get home later than 10pm, I can't sleep at her house, I have only been on her room ONCE, etc.\n\nShe has sneaked to my house several times and whatever but she is always pretty nervous and she is always scared. Her mom asks her to take pictures of where we are and it's pretty annoying. I really just want to spend time with her and have fun but it has been really difficult.\nMy friends love her but we always have to leave early, I have to take her home (which is like 2 hours away from mine)\n\nShe is also really hating this, and has even cried telling me \"Dude i am 21, I am older than you (I am 19) and they threat me like I was 7\" but she tells me that even if she tries to talk with her parents, nothing will change and that they won't even listen to her.\n\nIt's also incredibly annoying to be with her mom like 60% of the time, she talks to me like criticizing me and trying to turn me into a catholic, I have spent almost the same time with her mom than with her, and it really sucks cause I just really want to have a cool relationship with this girl .\n\nSo yeah, in general the way the relationship is working has been boring for me and I don't what to do. If I want to be with my  SO I have to be in her house, and if I'm there, her mom will come to us and talk about God for like 3 hours. Should I stop going to her house? Should I tell her to grow up and talk with her parents? I am really thinking about leaving her, I love this girl but if I can't spend quality time with her, I feel like the relation is just going nowhere.\n", "answer": "she has to make a decision about being her own person or not. if she can't be, no rel. will work out for her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0r6", "comment_id": "dbmwrgq"}, {"question": "so so so overwhelmed with how honored i feel", "description": "i (F20) came home from uni for spring break and my mom was giving me all the updates from the interviews that my younger brothers (M12, M16) just had for some school programs they were applying to. i've always been a little sad that i never felt like a good role model for them, since i had a rough time in high school with grades and my social life, and maybe a little jealous that they seem to not have the same problems that i do, but always so proud that they're so brilliant.\n\n​\n\naccording to my mom, when asked about his personal role models, one of my brothers said that he looked up to me!!!!! i feel so happy and overwhelmed!!!!! he said that even though i had conditions that made it difficult for me to get work done, i pushed through. \n\n​\n\nim holding back tears as im typing now hahahahaha but my heart is so full\n\n​\n\nTL;DR im a good big sister :\\^)", "answer": "Nice work!!!! You sound like an amazing role model :D", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ffohy5", "comment_id": "fk06sju"}, {"question": "Question about numbing injection during medical procedure", "description": "Age: 28  Healthy Length: 1 Day\n\nNormal numbing injection for cyst removal on scalp. Is it normal for swelling to occur in the area where numbing solution was injected after the procedure is completed?", "answer": "It's normal to have swelling around where a procedure was done, which is where the numbing solution would be injected. So yes, I think so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fo5t", "comment_id": "ejd6tbt"}, {"question": "How do you unwind?", "description": "Adderall has changed my life. But it's come at a cost. It keeps me awake and makes me search for a way to unwind. It seems that nowadays I've started to drink more than I'd like. Is this something that is normal in people with ADHD? I know it runs in my family and I'm afraid I have alcoholic tendencies. \n\nWhat are some alternatives to calm the side-effects of Adderall or any other medicine?", "answer": "I usually exercise or run...This may not be the most \"fun\" option but it really helps reduce the feelings of being on edge. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7nk38d", "comment_id": "ds37p6c"}, {"question": "After 10 years I think I\u2019ve finally reached my breaking point. I think I want a divorce.", "description": "This is kinda long. Sorry in advance. More of a rant, I guess. \n\nWe\u2019ve been married for 10 inglorious years. About 4 years in I began keeping a log of the REALLY horrible events that would happen. That\u2019s not to say that there weren\u2019t other run of the mill shitty days, because he\u2019s just a mean and nasty drunk. Well, the other day I went to add to the log because I finally actually said the words out loud to my dad. \u201cI love him, but I\u2019m not in love with him anymore\u201d. I broke down. I guess that means I\u2019m done. This man does nothing but mentally abuse me and make me feel like shit. He hasn\u2019t kissed me properly since we started dating 10 FUCKING YEARS AGO because \u201cwe aren\u2019t compatible kissers\u201d yet has shown no interest in trying to remedy this. I even tried when we first started dating to see if we could work on it. He\u2019s not interested in kissing me. I need more. I need love and compassion. I need to be kissed and held. I need someone who isn\u2019t a narcissistic alcoholic who hates my children and acts as if he regrets marrying me. He\u2019s miserable when he\u2019s sober but he\u2019s not AS mean, as if THAT\u2019s any consolation. I looked back at the log and most of the dates are special events. Several of my birthdays, Mother\u2019s Day, almost every New Year\u2019s, my daughter\u2019s 8th birthday dinner. Last night he ended our phone conversation (he was hammered) by replying to my \u201cI love you\u201d by saying \u201cwell, I don\u2019t know if I love you anymore\u201d then hung up one me. We hadn\u2019t even been fighting. And then this morning I get all the normal \u201cgood morning, baby\u201d texts like nothing ever happened. (He\u2019s traveling for work) I can\u2019t tolerate it anymore. He\u2019s an intolerable drunk. He\u2019s nasty and mean and even when he\u2019s not he\u2019s just annoying with his circular conversation and the stories I\u2019ve heard over and over for the past 10 fucking years. He\u2019s so filled with hate and anger he has no room to love and appreciate me or the family right in front of his face. I\u2019ve been nothing but a perfect obedient little wife to him while he has slowly taken away every shred of my autonomy, independence and self respect to keep me completely dependent upon him. I gave up my career to be a stay at home mother and when the kids were all back in school he somehow forced me to quit each job I\u2019ve managed to hold since. I only recently made friends at my last job and went out for the first time in 9 years. How could I be so fucking naive and just plain stupid?  I have a college degree and had a career when we met, but I\u2019ve been out of my particular field for too long to go back now. I\u2019ve got to get away from him. But how?\n\nEDIT: I go to meetings weekly as I\u2019ve been trying to keep my sanity (mine is tomorrow). I don\u2019t engage as much as possible but I just can\u2019t find my way anymore. The stress and anxiety is making me physically ill. I know I\u2019m powerless and I know he\u2019ll never change.", "answer": "ugh the running log of things he's done...I am still compiling mine.", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "diycl9", "comment_id": "f426366"}, {"question": "How can I secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your help, guys. So many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. I was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning I decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. She was glad I spoke up. This morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. When she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. They went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. When they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. I didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. He will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. She also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. Still, I will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. Just to make sure we are ok. Again, thank you everyone for your advice.\n\n15M, 6+foot, ??kg, Caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. In New Zealand.\n\nSo tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.\n\nLong story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. He comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"How was school?\"* He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.\n\nMy nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **NOTE:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. I have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. He specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.\n\nI don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but I know he needs better care and support than I can provide. I am living with the family at the moment, so I can offer at-home support. However, I think he needs to see a professional. These memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. It's affecting his happiness. He is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. I want to know what I can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. Is he able to get therapy? Does he need parental consent to try medications?\n\nI know this isn't the typical 'AskDocs' question, and I apologise. But I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "This is the kind of question about medical systems and access and coverage that is very local. I know nothing about New Zealand and I\u2019m sure most posters here don\u2019t either. You might get less professional but more practical advice in a New Zealand subreddit.\n\nYou certainly will have a hard time forcing your nephew into any treatment without his or his parents\u2019 buy-in. With only his, he may be old enough to seek care on his own. The question is payment (I have no idea how healthcare works for you), consent (and age), and logistics like getting to appointments and parents worrying about where he disappears to every Tuesday afternoon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "g55306n"}, {"question": "should i take the ambien that my doctor has perscribed me ?", "description": "​\n\n20M \n\nheight=175CM\n\nweight=75kg\n\nnot a smoker nor a drinker /exercise regularly / no chronic illness or allergies\n\nas I went to treat my 1-year long insomnia, the psychiatrist that I went to prescribed me to have 10mg Ambien for a month & after doing a little bit of research i feel very hesitant to do so\n\nso should i just ignore the internet fuss & go on with it ?", "answer": "Well only if you want to! It has no value long term, but if you think it could break the cycle in your disturbed sleep then by all means.\n\nhttps://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-to-get-to-sleep/", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "daxcqf", "comment_id": "f1w5wj5"}, {"question": "What would make you think a patient is going to harm himself?", "description": "I have suicidal thoughts I would like to discuss with a therapist but I do not want to be involuntarily committed to a mental hospital, any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Most clinicians use judgment based on intent, capability, desire and buffers. Some clinicians may be required to use an assessment tool like the CSSR-S which helps determine severity. All people trained to address suicide look for the persons ability to concretely develop a safety plan and cooperatively protect their own safety. \n\nSome clinicians may not have as much experience to trust their gut and their training to allow a person to remain in their community. Some clinicians are overly anxious about the risk of suicide. Others may have policies within their practice that require an assessment by a crisis team. What might be helpful is to ask your therapist what rules, approaches and procedures they follow when a client expresses thoughts of suicide and emphasize that you, like all other clients, need information about how they work to feel safe.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebkp7u", "comment_id": "fb7awun"}, {"question": "In/after a hobby/activity, is it weird to ask people how they are and find out what's going on in their lives?", "description": "I want to get to know people.\n\nI have hobbies, but I tend to only talk about the hobby.\n\nIs it strange if I ask people what's going on in their lives?\n\nWhat are their dreams, ambitions, wishes. What made them happy. What made them think...\n\nI just don't want to touch on any sensitive spots. I know I have a few events lately that hurt me a lot that I don't want to think about right now.", "answer": "Nope.  Not at all.  That's how you turn acquaintances into friends.  Just try not to go too fast all at once or they'll feel like they're being interrogated.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97910m", "comment_id": "e46jps4"}, {"question": "Just had a panic attack in my boardroom mid meeting, looking for some help", "description": "Hey All, I could use some help. So I 'm a mess, and I could use some help. So, I'm 26 years old, and I've been suffering from anxiety for the past few months. I'm a bigger guy, and I had my first anxiety attack after eating some edibles.  I had a bad trip, and was convinced I was having a heart attack. Ever since then, I've been a slave to my anxiety. \n\nAny little pain or discomfort in my chest, and I have a panic attack. I can't sleep, and have been to the doctors office several times. Today, I had a panic attack while in a boardroom meeting at work. \n\nMy house was just broken into a week ago, and while before my panic was confined to night, now it comes during the day. My anxiety left home, and is attacking me at work, and I need to do whatever I can do to wrestle it down. I'm opened minded to any tips or advice you guys have, and thank you for taking the time to hear me out.", "answer": "Is therapy an option? It could be very helpful. \n\nAnti-anxiety meds may also be helpful, but might be more effective if you are also in therapy.  A doctor may also be more willing to prescribe anxiety meds to someone who has at least tried therapy. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4pdd6w", "comment_id": "d4k0u2p"}, {"question": "Is it normal to have to seek out mental therapy while in an academic program?", "description": "I am in a 1 year accelerated post bacc medical program. We have an exam every friday, 1-2 exams on monday a month. We meet to discuss cases (that don't really help the students learn the material IMO) We have work for a managerial class as well as must study for another class that ties the information we are learning together. I've reached out to teachers when I struggling (upon their own advice) just to get wishy washy advice/anwers/belittled/brushed off etc.\n\nI have gotten to the point where I'm up all day worrying and studying yet at night, I can't sleep. I take 3 melatonin to get to sleep which I've never had a problem with before. My skin is bumpy and filled with lines and bags under my eyes. At least 5 of the students out of 12 in my program are reaching out to get mental help.\n\nI understand I signed up for this program but myself and many of my classmates did not expect for this to be as intense as it has. Many of my classmates have turned to therapy/psychotropic drugs whenever they can to keep from taking drastic measures upon themselves due to the rigor of this program.\n\nIs this normal?", "answer": "Absolutely normal IMO. School can be really stressful especially after undergrad. It\u2019s a whole new level of things. The lack of sleep, poor eating habits, stress etc that come with student life are hell on your body and mental state. Nothing abnormal about it, it\u2019s just sadly part of academia. Hang in there and go seek out a good therapist if you feel the need. :)\n\nEdit: it\u2019s also really common for schools to have a mental health clinic that is free or low cost for students.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgolkw", "comment_id": "fk6mtge"}, {"question": "Confrontation", "description": "I am a 28 year old female who has been with my bf for 3 years.\n\nToday after constantly noticing that my partners cousin is always rude to me I confronted her. I visited him and she was there. \n\nExamples of her being rude in a nutshell: she ignores my questions and when I try to make conversation with her she ignores me completely. She refuses to engage in conversation with me. \n\nit went like this:\nMe: hello ..after she didn't say hi to me and wouldn't get up from the couch ( she didn't want to acknowledge me and I walk  into the living room to say hi... trying to be the better person) \nHer: hi( in a rude way) and turned her back to me\nMe: you seem mad, did I do something to you?\nHer: I already said hi to you\nMe: yes but every time I come you are really rude to me\nHer: okay ? I have only seen you 2 times here you're exaggerating (lie: it's been like 2-3 times per week that she's there)\nMe: (ignoring her statement), well you act like you're jealous of me being here or my presence bothers you\nHer: me jealous of you? (Looking at me up and down trying to put me down) , why would I be jealous of you ? I have nothing to be jealous of you \nMe: I don't understand why you're so rude then. If I ever did something to you let me know so that I can apologize \nHer: I'll tell you to your face when you do something to me ( rude voice)\nMe: I'm leaving ( Frustrated) \n\nWhy is she always so rude ? advice as to how to handle this?", "answer": "Doesn't matter why, one of you should not be on the other's couch. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyw4z", "comment_id": "di6elc7"}, {"question": "Getting back with an ex - can we ever change our patterns?", "description": "I do not currently have a therapist whose advice I trust, and I don't know anyone in a healthy marriage or relationship that I would want to replicate. \n\nI broke up with my fiance 3 years ago. We had lived together for 2 years, and been together for 4.  We had a lot of problems that, I think, stemmed from our inability to communicate clearly and honestly, and (on his part) to receive that communication without feeling attacked and to consider my feelings to be as valid as his own. We went to 2 different therapists, neither of which we found helpful.  For 18 months after we broke up, we did not have any contact. One day he texted me, and we talked off and on for about a year.  We were doing a pretty good job of being friends. Then, in July of last year, I felt like I had some unresolved feelings. We talked, but decided not to get back together. We fell into a pattern of texting each other most of every day, and I felt my feelings becoming stronger. We saw each other at the beginning of this year and I felt very strongly for him.  We talked about the way we still felt about each other and why we hadn't been able to make it work. We decided we would keep talking and see if we could resolve our issues. \n\nHe has told me he is willing to give in some areas that I cannot compromise on, and so far I have felt heard and validated and like he is truly working to meet my needs. For my part, I am trying to be understanding, open minded, and flexible.\n\nTonight we had a very difficult discussion, and I am very concerned that we just don't communicate or think the same way, and that this might be an unresolvable issue. I feel like we are not clearly receiving the communication the other one says they are trying to send, and are instead getting other signals that were not intended.  I also feel that he is not giving me direct answers to questions that I think only need a yes or no, but is instead splitting hairs and reframing the issue so that he doesn't have to give a direct answer.  We are both frustrated right now, and I'm afraid to get any more involved if I could potentially end up as hurt as I did before. \n\nThere are obviously many more details I could go into if asked, or on a DM.  Essentially, I am wondering how hard one should have to fight for a relationship. I have heard many varying opinions from many sources, but, as I said, I do not have someone objective I can trust or someone in a healthy relationship I can emulate.  I have heard that all couples have problems and dysfunctions that cannot be resolved, but I don't know what is an acceptable level of dysfunction.  I have heard that you should never try to get back together with an ex, but after 3 years, with both of us having seemingly reflected on what we did wrong and what we could do better, is this a hard and fast rule?  I know every relationship is different, and no one can truly tell me what to do, but I would appreciate any clarity or guidance or similar experiences.\n\nFor context, because of various circumstances, my likelihood of finding another partner is much lower than the average person. So this is less a question of, can I find someone more compatible?, and more of, am I better off alone? \n\nThank you for any guidance you can provide.", "answer": "There's no one answer that's going to work for everyone in this type of situation.  \n\n\nHere's a couple of things to consider.  Relationships should not feel like really hard work in the very beginning.  If they do, that's a HUGE red flag.  All relationships take work to maintain and have them be healthy, but there's generally a honeymoon period in the beginning where it doesn't feel like this.  \n\nI'd argue that it should even be the case upon reconnecting 3 years later.  \n\n\nOngoing relationships/marriage is hard work in order to maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals are happy and not resentful towards the other, but if the work and stress often outweighs the positives that you're getting or that this is the case for too long, it's not worth it in the long run.\n\n\nCan you find someone more compatible?  Of course you can.  There's billions of people in the world.  You can always find someone more compatible.  Are you better off alone?  Well... see the other question I asked.  Does the stress of this relationship outweigh the joy you get from it?  Then... yes... you're probably better off alone right now.  \n\n\nLastly, you said you both reflected over the last 3 years of what went wrong.  Have either of you done any extensive individual therapy?  You said it was so bad that you tried two couple's therapists.  If the both of you haven't done extensive work individually, it isn't very likely that much will have changed from the way things were before.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ez4yyc", "comment_id": "fgm6pya"}, {"question": "Can a verbally abusive partner heal?", "description": "What did they do to heal? About how long did it take? \n\nIf that partner was/is you, do you have any resources or advice to share?", "answer": "Does your partner recognize they are abusive? Or do they say they do and give you all the apologies and \u201cI only did x because you did y\u201d this isn\u2019t taking responsibility and this is continuing the abuse.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejjeq0", "comment_id": "fcyntyi"}, {"question": "Please. What do I do when I can't understand the accent of tech support.", "description": "Please PLEASE don't just shit on me for this. I've had to make so many throwaway account and hop to so many different subreddits. Six times now I have asked just this simple question with NO EXTRA DETAILS OR ANYTHING ADDED until this post here. Six times I have been shat on by moderators and posters alike, and sometimes this simple question isn't even allowed to make it to the new post section. I don't get what is so bad about this!\n\n\"What do I do when I cannot understand the accent of Tech Support, or anyone else on the phone?\"\n\nThat has been my question. I got called a racist for that. Some mod with a crazy \"drinks white tears\" tag gave me some passive aggressive \"try cleaning the privilege out of your ears and listening\" response before deleting my post.\n\nI'm so confused. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want to talk on the phone without fear of some awkward conversation anymore.", "answer": "What if you said something like, \"I'm sorry, our connection is not very good. Do you mind repeating that so I can understand it better/Do you mind slowing down so I can hear you better?\" Saves face because you're not complaining about their accent, but still means they will speak more clearly and be easier to understand.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "63x1bv", "comment_id": "dfxr3so"}, {"question": "I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don\u2019t trust them.\n\nWhen I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.\n\nI convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.\n\nEarlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.\n\nNow I\u2019m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and I don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.\n\nI\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken. \n\nI really don\u2019t know how long I can continue pretending that I don\u2019t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life. \n\nI honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "Please get help. It takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. Therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. There are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "dpv7eez"}, {"question": "Dissociation is fucking terrifying and I hate it.", "description": "As a sub question: do y'all find that substances cause/aggravate dissociation? I took some Adderall last Friday and was up until 5 am then woke up at 2 and took some more. After coming down, the last couple days have been really awful. It was stupid of me to take it, I know, and I was trying to use it to get some stuff done (as its helped me in the past but I am not prescribed it) but it absolutely backfired and now my anxiety is through the roof. \n\nDissociation is the most frightening thing to me. I feel like I'm trapped in my mind and I can barely function because everything seems surreal and like I'm just going through the motions. I feel numb, sort of, but my anxiety goes through the roof and I start to panic. I've heard others say that they like the numbness but I hate it hate it hate it. I feel depressed and isolated and scared. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one ", "answer": "One thing I've learned that I'm not sure if it's just me or others, but stimulants DO NOT Work for me. They make me feel crazy and intense and anxious, so perhaps that was it. I only smoke weed now, which has been amazing at calming my intrusive thoughts", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3mt1x8", "comment_id": "cvi0os3"}, {"question": "Mental Health Care in the US is Fucked", "description": "I have been dealing with anxiety for years. Recently, it has become debilitating and affects my daily life. I can barely eat and every time I think about leaving the house I start to panic. \n\nI've been telling myself I need to get into therapy. And finally after only being able to eat two bites of food and having a terrible panic attack, I decided that was the last straw. I was ready to bite the bullet and find a therapist. \n\nAfter a few phone calls I came to find that the majority of counselors in my city are not accepting new patients, or don't take my insurance. So after a 30 minute hold I finally got to speak to my insurance agent who told me there is ONE FUCKING PROVIDER covered in my city.\n \nAll of my insurance company in a major US city is covered by one lady!? Her voicemail told me she was not accepting new patients either (of course). Then I thought... \"Fuck it. My mental health is important, I'll go out of network and pay out the ass.\" So I start googling away.\n\nI have called 15 numbers. I kid you not, 15 numbers. I have not spoken to a single human. And 10 of those voicemails told me they were not accepting new patients. \nAnd this is all while trying to deal with anxiety--which makes even the thought of making all these calls terrifying as it is!\n\nHow does anyone do this!? I'm trying to keep afloat and I'm barely treading water.", "answer": "I'm sorry for my profession, but know that these counselors and therapists are not trying to avoid you but are overwhelmed. We take on as much as we can to the point where we struggle to find time to care for ourselves. \n\nI hope that you can find someone who is available. Also be weary of eTherapy.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fkegs", "comment_id": "d29lcu9"}, {"question": "Zyprexa (olanzapine) for anxiety", "description": "Lately I've been having more trouble controlling my anxieties and mood. My psychiatrist prescribed me Zyprexa. Mind you; I am not taking this on a daily base and I am not supposed to. The purpose of the Zyprexa is to help me calm down when I have a panic attack or am about to harm myself.\n\nSo I have been feeling restless for many hours now, and I decided I want to give it a try. I have taken Zyprexa before, but this was months ago and I can remember little of it.\n\nI read a lot about Zyprexa being heavily sedating and knocking you out for an entire day even two... Which is exactly what I do not want to happen right now.\n\nWhat would be a safe starting dosage to try? I have 10 mg tablets but looking through other topics, it seems as if this would just make me fall asleep, when I just want my thoughts to calm down a bit without turning into zombie mode making me unable to do anything for the rest of the day...", "answer": "Your psychiatrist prescribed you a safe dosage. You should take it as they prescribed, rather than following the advice of random people on the Internet. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5nwu01", "comment_id": "dcf08uj"}, {"question": "Attachments to people", "description": "Hey guys, I just wanted to post and connect with other people who have trouble detaching from others especially once you've gotten to know someone, even a little. I find it really hard to just date because of my attachment with others and when someone starts to lose interest it can feel like a mania type state of misery. Does anyone have any personal techniques or ways to detach from others healthily?\n\nPersonally I try mindfulness and meditating but I've been slack on that lately, and theres gotta be other ways for not working on this.", "answer": "Attachment issues are usually rooted deep, so they're hard patterns to change. Ever tried therapy? A good therapist can help you examine your patterns and guide you toward making the changes you'd like to see. \n\n[Lots of good books about the science of attachment, if you're interested.](https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=vCh9fXUiUjwC&source=productsearch&utm_source=HA_Desktop_US&utm_medium=SEM&utm_campaign=PLA&pcampaignid=MKTAD0930BO1&gl=US&gclid=CKL-7cWYysoCFQa2fgodmSsKLw&gclsrc=ds)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "42ukls", "comment_id": "czdu2y6"}, {"question": "What type of therapy to recover from recurrent childhood trauma?", "description": "I [have read](http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Treating_Adult_Survivors_Childhood_Emotional_Abuse_Neglect_G0003.pdf) that common types of therapy for trauma, like CBT or CPT, are mostly designed to treat PTSD stemming from one (or multiple) traumatic incidents. But what about complex non-PTSD trauma? \n\nWhat type of therapy would be best for an adult seeking to recover from complex, recurring emotional trauma that occurred throughout childhood? The article linked above talks about component-based psychotherapy, which looks promising but seems to be somewhat new and may not be easy to find (located in Brussels, Belgium). \n\nAny advice or suggestions are welcome.", "answer": "It would depend partially on how the trauma is manifesting itself presently. If not presenting as PTSD/PTSD-like, then how? That changes what types of treatments may be recommended or effective.\n\nI'm assuming you are in the US. If so, seeking out a provider with the Clinical Certified Trauma Professional (CCTP) might be a good start.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ew6zh8", "comment_id": "fg02i2v"}, {"question": "What are 10 questions I can ask the BOY I'm dating to promote a deeper level of disclosure?", "description": "I have been dating a boy for the past 2 months, I am looking to start getting into a deeper level of self disclosure with her. In my mind it seems easy but when i try and think of questions to ask to start deeper conversations I get hung up. Does anyone have any ideas on 10 to 20 questions I can ask? Seeing them in written form might help jump start my mind! thanks", "answer": "i think most couples disclose too much and too deeply,  too fast.\nplease be more specific about the depths you're trying to reach.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pu9zs", "comment_id": "dctz20t"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "Especially in front of other individuals? Like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. As if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "In my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. One time I was in the car with my family and I was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. I wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. One of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. And then, accidentally, I started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and I started saying how I felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and I\u2019m not good enough for them. I cried about how I felt like I didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. No one responded. Just silence. \n\nA few days later I was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? Remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d \n\nLet a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "duwpdxu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend moving in. How do I make her feel at home", "description": "My 24 year old girlfriend is moving in with me in December. She's moving a few states away from her family and I want to be sure she feels at home. What are some things I can get to help her feel like she's at home? She's moving over 300 miles away from her family so I just want her to be as comfortable as possible. Some of her interests include:\n\nCoffee\nTea\nHomeopathic medicine \nOrganic foods and veganism\nMermaids\nDisney\nMakeup (she's REALLY in to makeup)\nSchool (will have an associates in health sciences when she moves here and will pursue a bachelors next year)\nHer family\n\nSome ideas I had were framed pictures of her and her family (I'll text her mom to get them), a mermaid inspired bathroom (thanks to Pinterest and etsy), a diy vanity, a nice sleepwear gift set, a Lush gift set, a desk and office area where she can focus on school", "answer": "1 bedroom, 2 bedroom?\n\nIt's y'all's place now, so if you can set your default answer to \"yes\" unless you have to say no, I'm sure you'll sort it out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wole5", "comment_id": "dm9ls8g"}, {"question": "no should be okay to say", "description": "My boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year. Im the type of person who does not really care if we dont do anything sexual. i like to cuddle or watch a movie or just sit next to each other and not worry about anything sexual. unlike him he wants it all the time everytime i come over he has to have it and everytime we try to watch a movie he gets bored and wants it. i tell him no and he cries about it and complains how he does not think he is good enough for me always making it about himself. i wish i could say no without being pressured to always say yes when the time comes. i dont understand what is so wrong with saying no and he wont give me a good reason. i just want to be loved with out any sex involved i know that sounds impossible for a man but if he was mature enough and see the more he pushes away from me and keeps wanting his way is gonna break us apart.", "answer": "Nobody is \"right\" here as other people have mentioned. He obviously has a higher libido than you. If you guys are going to make it, you will have to compromise here. You will have to have sex more than you want to and he will have to low down a bit. The key is to talk about the frequency of sex that is reasonable per week. Maybe you both decide that sex 4 times a week is enough.  Then when he is \"rejected\" for the 5th time, he can remember the agreement and depersonalize it. Understand that for men, rejection from sex is deep. It is about his worth, even if you don't think it should be. Also, how are you rejecting him? Eye rolling, etc? Talk to him about the importance for a woman to say no without pressure. Overtime, this makes sex something you have to do.it becomes a chore. An obligation and no longer a beautiful act of intimacy. Ask him to come up with a way for you to say no that he will agree to. You may actually be hurting his feelings. Also, he has a right to have hurt feelings. You are not necessarily responsible for them.  He may also be overly sensitive or be a victim of abuse which changes things, but at least start there. Sometimes men need to walk away after being rejected. Let them. It becomes your job to depersonalize his feelings. Sex in relationships has to be negotiated like everything else and you are BOTH playing a role. ", "topic": "sad", "post_id": "66ltxm", "comment_id": "dgk1syb"}, {"question": "I really just want to hear something nice or inspirational.\n", "description": "I'm just having a bad night after a bad week in what's been the worst year of my life so far. I'm still pretty young, so I'd think it'd be a waste to do anything to myself right now. I really don't know where to go. Someone just give me some words of encouragement please.\n\nEDIT: Thank you all so much. It means so much to me just to see that someone cares about me. Even if you people are just strangers. I'm feeling a little better. Just sitting back and watching the lecture posted by Rainnthunder. I'm gonna be okay. :)", "answer": "[Last Lecture](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo)\n\nGo. Watch this. It's an hour and some change, by a man named Randy Pausch who had terminal brain cancer and is performing his \"last lecture\" at Carnegie Mellon. He is funny, inspiring, hopeful and makes me glad I'm alive, because that means I still have a chance to make my dreams come true. I hope this helps you, too...", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "rvvbo", "comment_id": "c4940lj"}, {"question": "So I started hurting myself tonight...", "description": "I did not cut myself with a blade to the point of bleeding too much. \nI started to scratch my arm to the point where some blood with come out. \nI have to say it feels like I am on ecstasy or something, it feels amazing. It takes away all of the pain from the world and feels amazing.\n\nI don't get why people say this is a bad thing. I feel amazing. ", "answer": "People say the same thing about cocaine and heroin. Yeah- it feels awesome the first few times, but then you find yourself chasing that high instead of enjoying it and it becomes a spiral. Not to mention disfiguring your body and having to hide certain areas all the time.\n\nThere are better ways to cope that aren't addictive or harmful", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "spb9x", "comment_id": "c4gacep"}, {"question": "Finally facing this .....", "description": "Hello!\n\nSo I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over a year ago. You would think that I would have been happy to have an explination for the weigh gain, hair growth in weird places, missing periods, etc. I thought I was fine with having an expliantion. I took my perscription for the BCP and Metformin, and left the doctors office. I proceeded to read about PCOS and think \"Wow! Finally an explination.\" Then I proceeded to do nothing. \n\nSo as I said, its over a year later. I think I am finally ready to try to take control of this. My weight is out of control and I am uncomfortable. I am sick of the waxing appointments to deal with the hair growth. I just want to feel better. \n\nSo I have decided to follow the keto diet, and it has been about 4 weeks. I have not been perfect on it. I have cheated on the diet, and I still crave carbs. I have lost 21 pounds. Some of that weight loss may be the extreme work stress I have been under. \n\nNext steps are to start taking my perscriptions, and to start exercising. ", "answer": "Good job! Keep us posted on your progress. It's really hard to take initiative and 21 pounds is a great accomplishment. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3jv0yq", "comment_id": "cusmxkg"}, {"question": "Is my liver f*cked?", "description": "Hi.\n\nI'm [24F/5'6''/103lbs] worried about my health and thought to ask you guys if this could be a potential danger.\n\nSo. 3 years ago I was in a sh*thole, I was depressed and vulnerable, and I was a bit chubby. I was raised on sugary foods and fast foods, which I was tired of, so I started to diet hard. I stopped all carbs and anything remotely \"unhealthy\". All whole foods, and mostly veggies. I fasted a lot (basically starved myself) and I think I developed an eating disorder since I was restricting myself so bad. I lost 40-50 lbs and was 94 lbs at one point, until I finally realised my fault after about 1.5ish years.\n\nDuring this period, my body was rioting. I was having constant diarrheas and/or yellowish stool. I felt tired and had no appetite, my skin was getting dry and almost yellowish in color.\n\nI finally turned around after a couple of months and almost recovered, gaining about 10lbs. Now I'm slowly gaining weight with a varied diet and enjoying food again, but I'm scared I have fucked my liver.\n\nI, sometimes, have digestive issues, as well as bloated stomach very often after eating and I am basically never hungry. I also have superdry skin, being prone to eczema. 2 times since \"recovery\", I've had an immense pain in my upper right side of abdomen, not being constipated. I also sometimes want to vomit when eating a lot of certain foods. \n\nIs this anything to worry about? Could it be anything else? What should I check up on? (I have a doctors meeting tomorrow)\n", "answer": "The liver is remarkably good at regenerating, but it's possible to damage it irreversibly.\n\nYou should tell your doctor the same thing. He or she will probably want to check some labs, maybe some imaging. What you're describing could also be a gall bladder problem, or both. Or neither!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4w9t", "comment_id": "dxsh1y9"}, {"question": "40M - Water smells terrible", "description": "40 M, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.\n\nI have this thing where water smells terrible. Tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. But usually when I\u2019m drinking it. There doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. I could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. I come back to it and it has that smell. Or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. I\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and I\u2019m a weirdo. The smell is like dead fish in a lake. Kinda swampy. That\u2019s the best I can describe it. It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\n\nIs this normal? A neurological symptom? Am I having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "This is not really a physician comment, but I have the same experience. I\u2019ve done some digging and the best I can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. Or due to contaminants in water. It\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.\n\nI don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "eyls8o4"}, {"question": "I finally treated myself! (NSFW)", "description": "Throwaway account because my other one is for business and my other other one is tied to who I am.\n\nContext: I\u2019m a MTF transgender gal still living with my parents (I\u2019m a student and run my own online business part time), I\u2019ve been on hormones for just over a year now but I still don\u2019t present female frequently. I\u2019ve struggled with severe anxiety all my life and have been in counseling for it somewhere around ~10 years now - it\u2019s better now, but I still get really bad social anxiety when shopping (I\u2019m often checked/followed by loss prevention and security since I\u2019m visibly anxious).\n\nWith that over with, let\u2019s begin the story:\n\nI\u2019ve been cooped up in my house all week and decided to head to the local mall to get out for a bit. My morning was already pretty filled with anxiety (got woken up by being yelled at, fun...), so I was already kinda shaky and on edge. I get to the mall, I walk around, I sit at a coffee shop and check my phone. I search through my texts with my ex-girlfriend/close friend and realized that the other night, we were talking about sex toys at 3am. She struggles with anxiety on par with mine, so neither of us had bought any in person or even ordered online.\n\nSomething just came (hah, *came*, get it?) over me and made me wanna take that anxiety head on and show it to myself that not only can I go shopping and survive checking out and people trying to assist me, I can buy the most embarrassing thing I want - a little pocket vibrator from Spencer\u2019s - and be just fine. With that, I set out on a mission.\n\nAfter a failed attempt (I ended up buying a pride bumper magnet - not complaining), I came back to the store, grabbed the pocket vibrator and plopped it down on the counter. The cashier couldn\u2019t care less, I survived, and I walked out with a vibrator!\n\nIt\u2019s silly and it\u2019s not that big of an achievement (I think), but god damnit that little thing is my trophy for telling my anxiety to fuck off today, and I couldn\u2019t be prouder.\n\nSorry for the ramble, I just needed to share this!!", "answer": "And!! You get a reward for your valor! Treat yoself!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "c7n82h", "comment_id": "esgfh4a"}, {"question": "I'm a worthless piece of shit and I deserve to die.", "description": "The crux of this message is I want someone to talk to me. I'm having a very, very difficult time dealing with life right now.\n\nI guess I'm more inwardly hateful toward myself right now than I am empty and depressed. I've been there before. I know what that is like. I've been on Wellbutrin and through the ringer of therapists and other psychological parades.\n\nRight now I just wish I was dead because I can't stand the person that I am. I hate myself. I'm a bad human being. I've done bad things. I can't live with the guilt of the bad thing I've done.\n\nI'm not a murderer, or a rapist. I've never done things to physically harm others. But my lack of awareness and general misunderstanding of basic human conditions has lead me to places of deeply scarring or emotionally damaging others and I hate myself for it. I don't feel much animosity toward anyone.\n\nI get angry sometimes. I'm angry right now. About something that I don't feel like I have the right to be angry about, which just makes me feel more guilty. \n\nI type very fast, which is good. I'm able to get my thoughts out almost as quick as they come, despite the fact that I'm a little tipsy right now.\n\nI have everything I could want, apart from any satisfying relationship with anyone, least of all myself. I just spend so much time feeling guilty about everything and hating myself for things I've done that I don't have the energy to actually try to make new friends. \n\nI have a great job, one that I really love. I wish all of my life was just my job and I could release everything else in my life and only have my work. I love my work, and I do good work. \n\nBut real life is real. I'm still a sack of shit when I get off the clock. \n\nI want to castrate myself. I want to not have sexual urges. I've actually looked into chemical castration, but all the processes that are available are detrimental in other ways. \n\nI'm really, really, really, really, really fucked up. How does no one I work with or live with or see know how fucking fucked up I am? I'm a walking disaster area who's somehow able to convince people I'm okay. \n\nI need to be put down. It would be best if I died of some disease unexpectedly overnight. \n\nThat's all. Please like send me a message or something telling me at least part of this sounds familiar and that it got better for you. I'm having serious problems right now. And there aren't any reliable suicide methods I can find.", "answer": "You have a good job that you love, so you have a hand up on 99% of the people out there! I know that is small comfort, but something to think about. \n\nWhat have you done to emotionally scar others? I am just curious, because depressed people  tend to catastrophise and feel guilty for things that are not their fault. For example, I felt like shit after breaking up with a bipolar girl some years ago. Looking back, I can see that, even though she treated me good 50% of the time, the rest of the time I was being verbally and emotionally abused. So what I did was for the best.\n\nAs for the castration, I don't know what to tell you there. Are you having urges to hurt others? If not, what sort of urges do you have that would make you want to hurt yourself in such a way?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3f4vvf", "comment_id": "ctlq68u"}, {"question": "What were your supervised hours like as an intern?", "description": "I'm really think that much of the training a mental health professional does is shrouded in mystery and that this lack of information is really harmful to clients.  Specifically, I would like to know what were your supervised hours like.\n\nHow many hours of supervised hours did you need to complete to get your license?\nWhat was the supervision like?\nHow much did you meet with your supervising clinician?\nWhat did you talk about?  How much did you talk about each client?  Was it like 5 minutes per person per week?  More?  How an active of a role did the supervisor take in each case?\n\nI realize that it might be different for those of you who were working with serious cases in clinics or hospitals.  But I'm specifically interested in those who worked at an average private practice.", "answer": "This varies by region and program. \n\nI had about 1500 supervised hours as a practicum student with 150ish hours of supervision.  My internship was 2000 hours , with 1 hour of group sup every week , 2 hours of didactics and 2 hours of individual sup. Then,  2000 hours of post doc with 2 hours of sup a week.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqi0z3", "comment_id": "fxysapp"}, {"question": "Hanging out with a girl and Xanax", "description": "So I've recently been hanging with this girl I like and I'm pretty sure she likes me too. I hung out with her for about 7 hours one time at her house and we did nothing. I cannot work up the courage to kiss her because of my anxiety. This has happened in the past of course and that's also how I ruined my relationship with another girl before. My question is would it be fine if I just took and 1mg Xanax before I hang out with her to help me get past this or is there any advice someone can give me to help without having any Xanax. I really like her and I don't wanna mess this up so I'm willing to try anything. This is also not a prescription and I've never kissed a girl before so that doesn't help. Any advice would be great thanks ", "answer": "Have you taken 1mg before? Because that amount would seriously fuck me up and then put me to sleep, especially if I wasn't regularly taking/had worked up to that amount. And you will come off as worse if you end up drugged like that in front of this girl. \n\nI agree with the other posters -- don't drug yourself with benzos that you don't have an rx or actual need for just because you're nervous about kissing a girl. We've all been there. It's scary and nerve wracking and that is just part of the experience and the excitement when you finally do kiss her. That nervous energy turns into excitement and electricity when you touch her and kiss her. It won't be as good, in the moment or in retrospect, if you drug yourself and numb out your feelings and emotions in order to kiss her -- you miss out on a lot of the excitement and sensation that is fed by your nervous energy. \n\nMaybe it'll help to come up with a plan beforehand so you're not trying to improv in the moment when you're nervous. when the \"plan\" gets set in motion, you have some momentum and are less likely to pull back; just take it one step at a time. Maybe when there's a lull in conversation or a boring part of a movie, take a deep breath and try to relax, put your hand on her knee, look into her eyes for a few moments, ask her \"can I kiss you?\" And then do it. Dont come up wiith a plan with too many steps. You don't even need to follow the plan you make, but it might feel good to have one and maybe you will end up following it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4e1chd", "comment_id": "d1w9qlr"}, {"question": "Girlfriend committed suicide tonight.. I might too.", "description": "She left nothing but a body. She seemed so happy today when we were together. She showed no signs of anything. I love her. I can't live without her. I may be next.\n\nEdit; it's March 12th, 4:50pm. I'm still here. I'm doing a bit better. Planning on seeing a therapist soon. ", "answer": "It's an awful thing, what she did. She left you to be wallowing in pain. Don't commit suicide because I know she'd want you to be happy. I understand the feelings of wanting to die because someone left you though, but you'll be okay, I promise. <3", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1a2eco", "comment_id": "c8th2ul"}, {"question": "what the hell just happened? I was numb for a good 2 hours, trigger warning.", "description": "i have a history with depression and anxity.\nive had a particularly hard day, i recently went through a traumatic event and today some one hurt me emotionaly, in a way someone should never get hurt. anyway after i got emotionally hurt its like everything went grey?? like very light and soft, almost dream like. its like i wasnt there. i was like that for a good two hours till i snapped out of it. i even ended up cutting my self cause i felt so numb, and regretably there wil be 3 relitivally small  scars.  anyway, i felt the cuts a little bit, but i put rubbing alchohol and makeup remover and i just felt a slight tingle. it was so strange i couldnt feel any emotion. sorry for my spelling, ive become a person who cant spell without autocorrect.", "answer": "It sounds like you were dissociating, which is a common symptom of trauma. \n\nAre you open to getting into therapy? A therapist could help you to manage this. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "57e9c1", "comment_id": "d8r98mw"}, {"question": "Am I in an unfair relationship or is it just me?", "description": "Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. The main factor that i take into consideration is the child we have together. Hence why i stay.\n\nOver the course of our relationship my girlfriend has done quite a few hypocritic things that are starting to take a toll on my happiness. A few examples.\n\nI am never to go to the local pub with a mate to have a few games of 8ball with no alcohol involved what so ever. Shes allowed to hang out with her lady friends for dinner at the pub on a saturday night.\n\nIm not allowed to message a female double my age at work about rosters or any work related info. Ive caught some guy messaging her and shes been deleting the conversation between them. She assures me there is no funny business or cheating going on.\n\nShes allowed to have a woman from work the rathers the company of other women. I am not.\n\nThings like this have been happening over our relationship and now it starting to take a toll over my hapiness and sanity. Its easier for her to say just leave but my main priority is our child. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE HES BEING ABANDONED..\n\nAny advice would be great and appreciated..", "answer": "she's kind of controlling. see a couples counselor and in 3 months you'll know what do. the most important thing by far for a child is the quality time they spend with each parent, not where each parent happens to be sleeping at night.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql0b9", "comment_id": "dd060gy"}, {"question": "Drinking excessive amounts of water and frequent urination (+bloodwork)", "description": "Age: 23\nSex: Male\nHeight - 6'2\nWeight - 180 pounds\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration: 10 years\nLocation: Western Europe\nOther medical issues: autism/add\nMedications: none atm\n\nRarely drink alcohol, don't do drugs. Gets worse when I do drink alcohol though. Pretty sure I meet my vitamin/mineral requirements daily. Lots of veggies 2 times a day, fruits, starchy carbs and healthy fats from avocado/peanuts.\n\nI drink lots and lots of water during the day (5+ Liters) and I pee very often (10x). I was never able to nail down where this was coming from. I've had it since my early teens and it doesn't change regardless of my weight/diet/exercise. Regardless if i'm 220 pounds or 175 pounds, eat meat and dairy or a plant based vegan diet or exercise twice a week or six times a week.\n\nWent in for a blood test last week. I was thinking type 2 diabetes or hypothyroidism. My results seem to be within the ranges however.\n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/qzpITtz\n\n", "answer": "What is your question?\n\nYou probably urinate a lot because you drink a lot, so my question is why you drink so much. Are you constantly thirsty? Do you do it because water intake is recommended?\n\nYour labs don\u2019t include sodium, at least in what you\u2019ve posted. It would be nice to see, but nothing that\u2019s there is suggestive of any problem.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5qcec", "comment_id": "ejfb8ly"}, {"question": "My time traveler and my polyamory", "description": "So recently i have finally discovered how to describe my views on relationships. Ive always been friends with alot of women and we usually end up having sex and then years later hook back up casually. A very good friend/lover that means alot to me has recently helped me figure out myself and also believes in polyamory. We have no secrets and are free to love and fuck as we please. There's no jealousy and no control issues. Its amazing and lets us share a very deep and passionate bond without hateful emotions clouding up the relationship like alot of women I tried to dedicate myself to in the past. I have had no problem only sleeping with one person. I am not a cheater. And i treat all my women with respect. I have 2 currently. Soon to be 3 i think. \n\nDuring these last 4 years one girl keeps popping back up and the sex and connection is almost overwhelming on my psyche. I have had issues staying wjth her but at one time I was 100% serious about living the rest of my life with her. Her smile makes my blood warm and my mind blank. The sex is like an ecstasy that couldn't ever be touched by the effect of drugs. Its a natural high like I've never had and ive had great sex with many other girls. \n\nBut this is always different. And i always underestimate it when i agree to meet up with her. \nGood sex? Ok ill be over. Bam! I'm lost in my own head thinking about her. \n\nSounds great right? Well the yin to her yang is That's she's nuts. She's controlling. She's possesive. She's irrational. Shes a bitch. Ungrateful for the little things i would do for her. And just downright hard to handle. Before i began my polyamory i was with her for 3 years off and on. She tore my heart to pieces several times before i would leave her for a few months. And it always ended with me losing myself and spending months trying to put myself back together. Thank god for the first girl i mentioned. She always finds all my pieces and helps me put it back together.  \n\nMy little helper told me she doesnt think its a good idea to see this destructive character again. But she messaged me and asked me to come over, and to keep it just as sex. No relationship. No dating. No meddling in each others lives. Just wants to connect on that intimately cosmic level that we do and not try to keep pushing our boulder of a dating relationship up a hill to destroy us over and over.  So against my helpers advice, I went, I underestimated, and it was amazing as always. I wanted to prove to myself that i can handle this type of love. I would not feel like i was in control of myself if i didnt. And that's important to me. \n\nMy head still loves my helper. My head still loves the destroyer. My head still loves another girl outside of these two.  And most importantly my head still loves myself. But My heart and soul connect strongly with both of these girls. \n\nThe advice im seeking is how do i ensure that I keep my head on straight as I tangle with all this love??? I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But im scared i will fall into old habits with the destroyer and have to begin rebuilding myself and im tired of taking steps backwards. My family hates her and so do my friends. She hasnt gave them many good reasons to accept her. Honestly she is a shallow human being but I cant help myself and will not lie to myself. I accept her just how she is. And do not want anyone to change for me.  \n\nTldr; im polyamorous and seeing 3 women. One is destructive to my life and well being in the past but I cant deny the love that we feel in and out of the sexual relationship. She just wants to hook up occasionally and im afraid of repeating old behaviors. How do I ensure I maintain clarity while tangling an overwhelming source of love and lust? I want to be fair to my other girls and not betray their love for this one. ", "answer": "How do you maintain clarity in a reality distortion field?  You don't. You avoid the field or you surrender clarity. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bt3ub", "comment_id": "dhpbaq9"}, {"question": "Is there any way I could help her more?", "description": "Hi guys! Hope this is the right place for this. Long story short, my girlfriend of over a year was sexually assaulted by her last serious boyfriend several years ago. She's done an amazing job of recovering, she didn't even know she had a problem until we've started to become more sexual active after moving to college. She's spoken with a therapist and they said she should take baby steps and communicate with me more.  Does anyone in a situation similar to hers know how I could go the extra mile? I'm not interested as much in making her recover faster for selfish reasons, I just want her to feel more comfortable through this because I feel like she's more freaked out than she's letting on.", "answer": "just stay with the baby steps and be your kind self", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zyw6a", "comment_id": "dmz8jdh"}, {"question": "Just started EMDR therapy for Complex-PTSD. Those who have undergone EMDR, these questions are for you...", "description": "-What were you unable to do before treatment that you can do now? \n\n-What specifically has changed in terms of your day-to-day functioning, in your thinking, feeling, behaviors and abilities?\n\n-How quickly (within how many sessions) did you see/feel/experience obvious changes, if any?\n\n-For how long (or how many sessions) did you do EMDR?\n\n-Would/do you recommend EMDR to others?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I'll leave it to others to describe their experience of EMDR, but from an evidence based point of view, this treatment is one of the better psychological treatments for PTSD, and is recommended where available and appropriate.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "54sl5t", "comment_id": "d84m05s"}, {"question": "I can't stop imagining dying a horribly violent death and it gets more and more vivid. Is there any way to get relief from this?", "description": "Hi.  I saw the top post and just want to add that I do see a therapist weekly.  I will bring this up when I next go but in the meantime its another night of no sleep.  I have been afraid of death for a little while but sort of got over it,in the sense that I am trying to embrace living and overall feel better than I have in my life because I have been sober for quite a while.  Maybe related to sobriety I also just cannot stop imagining dying a violent death and it feels imminent.  When I am in an elevator I wait for it to start crashing down, standing at a window on a high floor I imagine myself falling.  I have to say that it goes further than \"imagining\" because I feel the sensation of falling , my heart rate shoots up and my mouth gets dry.  It is getting more and more frequent, consuming my thoughts against my will.  I do not want to engage in this sort of morbid thinking but I don't know how to control it.  I have been a victim of violence and many of my friend have died even though I am in mid-thirties but the last five years or so of my life have been undoubtedly better than the previous 25 so I am at a loss to understand.\n\nAs I mentioned I took note of the top post and will bring this up with my therapist but would really appreciate it if anyone had any input on this/has experienced anything like it or had patients who did.  It is so exhausting and I'm wondering if there is hope for me to deal with it since it feels so out of my control.  Thank you", "answer": "Definitely speak to your therapist. There are a handful of things that could be causing this and we don\u2019t have enough information here to narrow things down. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bupzhh", "comment_id": "eph0010"}, {"question": "Just broke through to a student in a way I never thought I would.", "description": "I'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there.  Anyways, I've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid.  He's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically.  He's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.\n\nAnyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: \nhttp://www.welovefine.com/849-2002-large/just-got-20-cooler.jpg\n\nI'm not a Brony and I don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but I knew this was my way in.  Some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and I thought of a way to quickly bond with this student.  \n\nI assigned group work and while I was walking around checking on the groups, I walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"Bro-hoof\".  He gave me a fist bump and I swear his face lit up brighter than even I thought could be possible.  He smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student.  It's so crazy to see how a fist bump (Bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory I've had to learn to be a teacher.  \n\nLife is funny.  \n\nEDIT:  Thanks for the kind messages and Reddit Gold!! ", "answer": "It's nice to see teachers taking an interest in individual students' performances. You are a great teacher. Keep it up.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "cam251o"}, {"question": "I took a week off my meds.", "description": "I took a week off. I hadn't been sleeping well and wanted to catch up, and actually eat and see what it was like. I've been medicine compliant for close to a year and wanted to take a break. \n\nIt was awful. I wasn't productive at work, my sleep schedule completely went out the window, and all I managed to do was play mobile games and doodle on innumerable post it notes. I'm glad it was a slow week at work, but I still have so much to catch up on. \n\nI'm never going off my meds again.", "answer": "I am currently in the middle of week 3 with no meds! It's a long story, but I went off mostly because I'm tired of being made to feel like a criminal for taking meds that help me function. And I'm tired of constant med checks for a med that I've taken consistently with no issues for 6 years. And also I guess I like to make impulsive choices, like go off my meds (\\*eye roll\\*).\n\nNever again. I can almost FEEL my brain searching for stimulation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91i1zd", "comment_id": "e2yk98e"}, {"question": "I [29f] am struggling with relationship please help!", "description": "Long story short-ish...together for 10 years one child and 6 'months before our wedding he decides to leave says he doesn't see us together anymore and he isn't in love with me and doesn't find me physically attractive anymore. I spent months after this hurting so bad I felt like my life was over fortunately I had my daughter that made me wake up eventually and get my act together and focus on myself! Fast forward a year later and I'm casually dating and he finds out I'm on a date and that night confesses he wants to be back together that he made a mistake and he loves me that he was just messed up in the head. I took a little to think it through and thought trying to make things work would be best for our child. Fast forward another year we are together for a year almost and living together. I'm crushed because I don't feel the love that we had before he annoys me often and it feels like we're better off friends but he's freaking out I just need advice what to do I'm stuck ", "answer": "seems like you're ready to move on from this tumultuous situation. be assertive.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bbiql", "comment_id": "dhlaxw9"}, {"question": "Elevated cortisol/pseudo Cushings/Cushings?", "description": "Do any of you have elevated cortisol levels along with PCOS? I was recently diagnosed with pseudo Cushing's (cortisol levels were elevated but not majorly so). I was on prednisone for a stretch of time last summer and went through a host of blood work over the past month. My AM cortisol, 24 hr urine cortisol, and dexamethasone suppression cortisol tests all came back slightly high. My endocrinologist thinks it might be related to PCOS and/or being on birth control, but the only thing she suggested was to try and lose weight and we'll repeat labs in a few months. How are you treating/managing your high cortisol levels? ", "answer": "I had high cortisol levels too... probably just from being in med school. I stopped working out and they completely normalized after that. I don\u2019t think my body is meant to do high-intensity workouts... these days all I do is walk and hike and it\u2019s enough for me :)\nOther things you can do include therapy if you think it could improve how you cope with daily stressors, getting enough sleep, and not skipping meals, all of which also elevate cortisol. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7dhaz3", "comment_id": "dpy1vrq"}, {"question": "Lack of sleep, loss of sex drive, nagging injury, depression.", "description": "Age : 28\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 171cm\n\nWeight: 81kg\n\nBodyfat: ~15%\n\nPrimary Complaint: Nightshift worker getting 3-4hours sleep a night. Sex drive has completely gone, injury in leg seems unable to heal after two weeks of physiotherapy. Depression and anger growing at a scary rate.\n\nDuration: Nearly 1 month\n\nExisting Medical issues: None\n\nCurrent Medications: Paracetamol 500mg & Voltaren 25mg for Leg pain. Also take 6mg Melatonin & 400mg magnesium before bed to try assist sleep.\n\nRecreational: None. Don't drink, smoke or do drugs.\n\nI'm a healthy person, lift 4-5x a week as well as do cardio 3-4x a week. Eat a balanced diet consisting of 2,800cals (180g P/310g C/92g F) and drinking 4L of water per day yet I'm having some serious issues with this no sleep, depression and lack of sex drive. \n\nI've had testosterone levels checked for the sex drive issue and levels are 634ng/DL. Have quit caffeine and developed a sleep hygeine routine (blacked out room, fan, ear plugs, eye mask and supplements) with no success at all.\n\nJust went to doctor and he prescribed me 15mg Avanza (Mirtazapine) to treat my sleep, depression and leg pain but I wanted a second opinion. I'm reading a lot about people having extreme weight gain. Apart from quitting my job I can't think of anything else to fix these issues. Need help.", "answer": "Do you only work nights? Do you sleep at regular times of the day? How long have you been an night worker? Is working at regular hours an option for you?\n\nHow is your motivation to excersize and eat? Can you describe how the not sleeping goes? \n\nDo you have social interactions? How is your living situation?\n\nIs weight gain right now worse than the sleeplessness, etc?\n\nAny medical/psychiatric history?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fh9zwb", "comment_id": "fka3nwb"}, {"question": "Can lorazepram do this?", "description": "I am almost 20, and I started taking lorazepram in addition to an antidepressant. I was perfectly fine on my antidepressants for weeks. However, a couple of days into taking a benzo, I had insomnia one day and then the day after I had horrible muscle pain and had a bout of depression and thoughts of killing myself. I stopped taking the drug even though it seems like benzos are supposed to help you \"calm down\".\nAnyways, have any of you had bad reactions with benzodiazepines? Is this uncommon? I don't really know anything about these.", "answer": "Why are you being prescribed lorazepam of all things? What dose are you prescribed?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6z33bj", "comment_id": "dms80gx"}, {"question": "Are people who are naturally good with people and good at socializing thinking about anything like what's posted here?", "description": "Are they consciously thinking of all of this and then saying 'be natural' or are they just actually naturally good at this and don't have to think about it? ", "answer": "Depends. It's like any skill. Talent counts for some, and hard work counts for more. I don't think anyone that is incredibly charismatic gets there without some deliberate work and effort, but it's certainly possible that some people who are \"naturally\" charismatic are just talented at getting along with others.\n\nHowever, the important thing is not that some people are naturally good with social interaction, but the fact that anyone--no matter where they start--can get good with practice and dedication. I mean, I have Asperger's syndrome which is a serious handicap to social skills, and I've come a tremendously long way because I've worked at it. You can too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "u56bi", "comment_id": "c4t03iv"}, {"question": "Since women with PCOS have higher testosterone, are we more prone to getting \"bulky\" when we lift?", "description": "Hey guys! I'm currently at a healthy weight and three months into a lifting program. My trainer assured me it wouldn't really bulk me up, but I started to do research as to *why* it shouldn't bulk me up, and it's because of testosterone! Usually women don't have enough... but do we??  I completely forgot I have PCOS, and I already finished all my personal training sessions so I can't ask my trainer :(", "answer": "My mom has PCOS as well and worked in a commercial kitchen hauling around 25 and 50 lbs of produce, flour and such. She was overweight at the time so you didn\u2019t see it much on her frame but her biceps got *jaked* like she flexed and it was just huge. She took pride in it, Rosie the Riveter style. \n\nI wouldn\u2019t let it dissuade you all together, just keep an eye on it. Maybe do some yoga or Pilates to get that lean look rather than bulky. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7f2vr6", "comment_id": "dq9j60z"}, {"question": "15y 10m occasional smoker, how to regain memory loss from weed", "description": "Hey guys.\n\nSo I've probably smoked weed about 20-25 times max in the last 6 months, never more than 2-3 cones as I'm a soft cock mostly over the Christmas/January holidays, and gotten drunk about a dozen in the last year Between Christmas and mid-late December I suffered sleep deprivation, and when I got out of it I thought it had left me with permanent effects.\n\nAnyway a couple weeks ago I was taking to my uncle in-law who's an expert on sleep. I explained my symptoms and as soon as my mother left the room he asked how much dope I'd been smoking.\n\nI'd felt quiet, slow, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, and just in general felt really dumb.\n\nWhat I couldn't wrap my head around is that all of my mates who had started experimenting with weed/alcohol around the same time frame had experienced absolutely no changes. We're all pretty smart people who get A's/B's in school (grade ten Australia), literally most people in my grade at my large school would have smoked as much as me. I told my uncle this and he said people react differently, but how can I reach this differently?\n\nI was a pretty smart kid, now I feel like I have to put effort in to get a B. I do feel a lot better since I stopped, although I slipped up last weekend so I've had 2 cones in 25 days, stupidly got drunk on Friday. Other than that been sober. \n\nWill I regain my cognitive capabilities? My memory just doesn't feel the same. It darkens me that I may have ruined my entire future over a few seshes with my mates. \n\nShould I undergo some memory exercises? Or maybe even get an MRI or other brain scans to see if it's something else, I mean the time frame makes it plausible to say it's from weed/alcohol, but how can this be possible for not an excessive amount of use.\n\nWriting this at 11:23 on a school night. I'm rattled and I can't stop thinking about it.\n\nAre these effects going to be permanent?\n\nHelp me reddit.", "answer": "Regular smoking before age 16 is about the only time you can do real, permanent damage. Sounds like you haven't gotten there yet though. Just give it time. 100% sober time though because you want your brain to get used to not expecting the high, not just the percentage of time not high. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b4vtsb", "comment_id": "ej9lly1"}, {"question": "Just had my first therapy session -- it went horribly -- can anyone relate?", "description": "Hey guys. I'm new to this subreddit, so here's a little bit about myself. I'm 18, male, gay, and I have social anxiety. In my (highly biased and self-deprecating) opinion, I was socially inept/awkward as a child, and this ineptitude/awkwardness continued through middle school and into high school. By the time that I graduated high school (which was last month), I only had one or two friends, and everyone else I considered acquaintances. I have a very avoidant personality, so virtually nobody at school knew what I did outside of school, or what my life was like. I'm sure that many people consider me to be distant, cold, etc.. I have no social life; I consider myself introverted, and I isolate myself as a result of my social anxiety. At school, or in social situations, I'm good at coping; I'm able to speak to people and get through the day, and I don't think anything about me is particularly revealing of the fact that I have social anxiety, so long as I am not the center of everybody's attention. But a part of me is always on edge when I'm around people that I'm not well-acquainted with, and I'm almost never comfortable in these situations. My social anxiety manifests itself physiologically in the form of endless armpit sweats, cold and sweaty palms, back sweats, etc. \n\nI'm going away to college in a little over a month. Before that time, I want to see a therapist, or psychologist, or maybe even a psychiatrist, to fix my social anxiety problems. I made the first step towards these ends this morning, when I scheduled an appointment with a local therapist. I was able to get in for an appointment the same day that I called (which was today), so I went in this afternoon. \n\nBefore calling, though, I had many doubts. Prior to today, I've spent the past few days/weeks researching social anxiety in general, and I've read time and time again that social anxiety is a very misunderstood condition -- that few professionals within the field of psychology actually know how to work with social anxiety in particular, and that many try (in vain) to apply a cookie cutter CBT program as a catch-all solution to social anxiety. \n\nAnyway, getting back to the therapist. Before calling her this morning, I read up on her internet bio on psychologytoday.com, and one of her specialties was \"general anxiety\", along with a myriad of other mental health issues (ocd, adhd, ptsd, anger issues, relationship issues, etc). Her bio said nothing about social anxiety, but I nevertheless decided to set up an appointment with her. \n\nSo this afternoon, I went into her office, and with me I brought a bunch of already-filled out paperwork that she emailed me this morning. In this paperwork, I divulged that I'm gay, that I'm socially anxious, what I want to get out of therapy, and a lot more. So I go into her house and meet her, I give her the paper work, we talk about payment options and insurance and all that, and then she sat there and read through my paperwork for a few minutes. Then came the questions. Right off the bat, the questions were personal. She asked about early events in my childhood which I haven't spoken about to anyone other than my mother, and as I answered her questions, my throat constricted, my voice began to quiver heavily, and my eyes even began to tear a little bit. This lack of composure continued through the entire hour. Even saying something brief like, \"I have very little confidence in my abilities\", was near-impossible for me to say. Again, my voice was shaky, I had really weird and uncontrollable face twitches, not to mention body sweats. I felt utterly pathetic. I felt small.\n\nWhile I was driving home from the therapy visit, I was ruminating on the experience, and the only time that I can recall feeling *that* vulnerable, *that* exposed, was when I came out as gay for the first time to my mom. Maybe it's because I've lived my last 18 years as such a private person, and I'm not used to opening up to people. But regardless of the reason, I left the therapist feeling utterly miserable, and I don't know if I even want to go back next week. \n\nThis has more to do with my belief that the therapist that I saw probably isn't the best person to see for social anxiety. As she described her CBT treatment model to me, she kept describing it in terms of her patients who suffer from anger management issues. I didn't feel like she knew how to treat people with social anxiety, and this bolstered the doubts that I had going into the first session of therapy, which was that few professionals know how to deal with social anxiety. Maybe I'm being too critical of her, I don't know. \n\nI'm not sure how to end this, so I'll just say thank you to any of you who read through my post. I'm hoping that some of you will be able to relate to my experiences. ", "answer": "Psychologist here.  Sounds like she was doing it about right in terms of format.  Hopefully she also went over privacy rules with you too.  The questions are part of what we call a diagnostic interview or intake interview.  Therapists do this in varying ways but the idea is to develop a conception or theory of what your issues are.  One way to do that is to survey typical problem areas and hence questions about various experiences and symptoms.  I gather that you had a strong reaction to this process, and that you had a hard time describing your reaction to her.  No therapist is a mind reader but hopefully she was able to pick your agitation up.  You are highly verbal, but of course anxious so maybe had difficulty reporting on it.  If she didn't get it immediately she might in a session or two.  Beyond anxiety, you've got a judgment issue it seems.  There is a critical voice inside you that (so to speak) which puts you down and leaves you feeling self conscious and vulnerable.  That voice also is critical of others I gather and thus your belief that this therapist isn't competent to help you on no more solid evidence than she does not seem to specialize in treating SA.  Maybe she can and maybe not but you'll never know if you don't go back.  \n\nCBT is a very reasonable approach to help you with SA.  This would presumably consist of helping you develop a fear heirarchy, identifying and disputing automatic thoughts (aka judgments) and doing behavior experiments to get you out in the world and confronting and tolerating your discomfort.  You should expect to feel some anxiety, intense at times even, during this process, especially during experiments.  This is all about you confronting and testing the rational truth of your fears and weighing and adjusting beliefs as you see what you can actually do.  Its also about learning to tolerate some uncomfortable anxiety so you can get on with your life goals.  It is unrealistic to think that anxiety will go away but reasonable enough to expect that you can become more able to function and to have less pronounced anxiety over time and practice.", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "2ax495", "comment_id": "cizvbul"}, {"question": "56/M sexless marriage", "description": "My wife and I have not had sex in almost 10 years. She refuses to touch me in any intimate way. She wants to live as friends. This drives me crazy and I'm made to feel I'm wrong. Should I accept this? Is this normal? Should I stay? ", "answer": "1-have her see her gyn. sometimes tiny amounts of testosterone works great.\n\n2-marriage counseling\n\n3 if none of above work, talk about you seeing others ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ouumx", "comment_id": "dkkdy2a"}, {"question": "No drive left", "description": "I\u2019m 20 and I can\u2019t bring myself to do anything outside of what is immediately required of me. I hate being around anybody, so people see me as a loser and I don\u2019t blame them, I have no interests and my life feels pointless, Even tho I never really talk when I do I\u2019m usually a bit of a prick but people still tell me I\u2019m so nice and innocent when really I\u2019m just too afraid to be who I really am. I don\u2019t have any friends left and I know it\u2019s because I\u2019m too proud to let myself feel vulnerable. I\u2019m just too scared to ask for help, and I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m even doing this anymore. Every day I wake up from another nightmare or set of nightmares in pain and stressed out right off the bat. \n\nI\u2019m thinking of just joining the army because I\u2019m out of options and I feel like no girl could ever like me. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m posting this, but like I said I\u2019m out of options.\n\nJust know I\u2019m not the type to take or appreciate help, thanks for reading anyway though.", "answer": "You sound depressed and like you need a purpose in life.  Get some therapy.  Joining the army is a good idea.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkkdjo", "comment_id": "f4h40op"}, {"question": "Are there any real risks with buying needles online?", "description": "Basically, my doctor keeps forgetting to refill my needles prescription, so I can\u2019t take accompanying medicine.  It\u2019s extremely obnoxious, playing phone tag with him, the pharmacy, the insurance company etc.  seriously, I have spent hours just trying to get my prescriptions filled.  I got fed up and just ordered a bunch online.  They look legitimate and new(individually wrapped), same brand I was prescribed etc.  however, I know counterfeits are a thing, so I\u2019m just wondering if there is any real risk here. Can I catch anything?  35yo male 6\u2019 250lbs hypogonadism.", "answer": "Costco pharmacy (here in California) doesn't require a prescription for syringes with needles.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "blykjw", "comment_id": "emsl4fp"}, {"question": "\"Everyone I know goes away in the end\"", "description": "When I started drinking a lot when I turned 18 and started smoking weed to cope with my problems. It lost me my sober friends I'd been friends with for years. \n\nThen I had one friend I smoked with for years and then she accused me of doing a lot of stuff I didn't do at work and ended our friendship.\n\n Now I'm just on an island by myself, I'm sobering up and trying to fix things. But I'm quite alone, at 22. I've never even been in a relationship, and I don't want to try anymore at all because it will all just tear me a part like it always does.\n\n To top it all off about a year ago I fell for someone else with bpd, but they had a girlfriend. They made me think they liked me, but I dont know. I hated liking someone who wasn't single. Especially now that they are engaged, like what a dumbass I was for thinking maybe I was more than a backup just in case or someone to fuck with mentally, for over a goddamn year. Seriously why do I even have to be here when I'm important to no one?\n\nI want to be okay and have friends, and eventually start a relationship. But currently I have many days I need to go in our basement at my new job and cry. Usually I keep all the lights off down there and pretend I am dead. I dont see how I can make friends while going through this (and believe me there's a lot more).\n\n How do you move on? I can't move on. Is there even a reason to keep going through this?", "answer": "Oh man it gets so much better... The fact that you are actively working on getting yourself out of this hole... It's beyond words. Don't give up, you will not regret it", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "a8keas", "comment_id": "ecbiet4"}, {"question": "Scared about health", "description": "I have anxiety and horrible fear of like everything that can go wrong with the human body. I guess I have hypochondria but this has been a recent thing over the last 2 months. I get scared at everything including right now I\u2019m eating gummy worms and am scared my teeth will rot and fall out. Or that my blood sugar will go up I\u2019ll get diabetes and then lose my legs or go into a diabetic coma or something completely ridiculous. Any tips on how to deal/cope with these irrational health related fears? \n\nI\u2019ve also been to the doctor and have tested for all kinds of things in a recent physical so I\u2019m fine but I still have these ridiculous fears.", "answer": "Look for someone who will do cognitive behavioral therapy for you and exposure therapy. Best way to cure the anxiety.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "i1mp2p", "comment_id": "fzyho84"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "Why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "ddnowbf"}, {"question": "My [28/M] husband of one year told me [27/F] that he doesn't know if he wants kids anymore. What do I do?", "description": "We've been together for almost 7 years and married this February for a year. I'll start off with a little background, before we married we discussed the fear he had of having children. (His sister has Autism and he's convinced it's genetic, even though she's the only one to have it in his entire family) Anyways, in this conversation we had a year plus ago, I naively said that I would be ok if we didn't have kids as long as I had him. But keep in mind that I also offered the option of adoption or maybe even having a sperm donor. Fast forward a bit and we're married now. I playfully ask him about when we can get started trying for a baby, and he plays along too,(we've had many conversations like this so in my mind I thought he had a change of heart) but then says, \"you know what, I don't think I even want kids at all.\" So I ask him if it has to do with his sister, as that has always been his excuse. But he now tells me that he doesn't want to bring a child into this ugly world, and that he thinks he won't be a good father. I'm just at a loss for words. This has never been brought up to me until now. I don't know what to do, or how to go about it.  I feel like it's my fault and I should blame myself. Any advice would help. Thanks!", "answer": "You have to decide if it's a 'deal-breaker' for you. Seeing a marriage counselor would help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5om5gq", "comment_id": "dckd2pi"}, {"question": "Why is a lack of female relationship seen as not a reason to kill oneself?", "description": "Basically I am a male that viewed as absolute shit by modern western woman. Im nearly 29 never had a  GF and never will. My life will be one of constant loniness why can't I kill myself to end it.", "answer": "Please if you are thinking about hurting yourself text 741.741 or call 800-273-8255. Your future is not determined. People love and care about you and there is hope. Get some help!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "73ikm9", "comment_id": "dnqn376"}, {"question": "Trauma from transvaginal ultrasound as teenager", "description": "Has anyone else had a traumatic experience with this or a similar experience ? I have a painful experience having this done unexpectedly on me as a teenager (~15) when this was done supposedly to confirm my PCOS diagnosis. Apparently my mother consented but no one ever explained anything to me about what was going to happen. My mother left the room and this person started shoving this huge thing inside of me. I was also a virgin when it was done and no one told me what was happening, I just had this thing shoved inside me. I was crying and the doctor wouldn't stop. It really hurt since I was a virgin. It felt like rape since I didn't consent in any way (apparently my mother consented for me). And I felt disgusting. I'm having severe flashbacks now and it is affecting my relationships. The only thing that made this easier to discuss was when women were protesting the requirement for transvaginal ultrasounds on women who wanted abortion saying that it was literally forced on them against their consent and rapey. I just wish my mother had not done this to me.\n\nApologies if this is off topic but I don't know where to begin talking about this. I'm afraid to bring it up.\n\n*Edited to add*: Thanks for the support on here! I appreciate being able to open up about this, it is a sensitive topic for me and it's hard to explain to most people. I hope this was not triggering to anyone.\n", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nSomeone put a foreign object in your body without your consent. That is sexual assault. In addition it hurt and you obviously showed your distress but they did not stop. This is something therapy or even a sexual assault support group can help you process. Having flashbacks upon a triggering situation and avoiding triggering stimuli suggests you may have PTSD, which is common in sexual assault survivors. \n\nIt seems like you obviously *feel* like something horrible and scarring happened but your situation doesn't fit the narrative society expects. Intellectually you're doubting if it's okay for you to feel the way you do. I want to let you know you are allowed to feel however you feel. \n\nHeck I had a very difficult to extract wisdom tooth removed when my insurance did not allow sedation for the procedure, only local anesthetic. I have a  dental work phobia and I was *so* scared but knew I had to just sit there and allow him to do it. I had flashbacks for weeks after and still feel icky about the whole thing.\n\nYou are allowed to feel violated because you were. It was in a medical context and there was legal consent from you mom, but what happened to you is not okay. \n\nIf you'd like any help finding individual or group therapy feel free to PM me. There are tons of places with sliding scale therapy if money is tight. My training center did therapy for $20 a session for those in financial need. \n\nRecommended resources:\n\nRainn:   https://www.rainn.org/    800.656.4673 \nSpecifically for sexual assault you can go to the online chat or call the  hotline at any time just to talk to someone or get referrals to local resources.\n\n211: You can call or google this number and it will automatically put you through to your local counties social resources. \n\n\n\n", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4z7rpj", "comment_id": "d6u0b06"}, {"question": "Borderline Personality Pain", "description": "I want to meet and talk to other people with borderline personality I need someone who KNOWS how lonely and painful this is before I take my own life", "answer": "It gets better. It always does. It can get worse, but then you realize that life is a series of ups and downs. Don't let the current rub of downs prevent you from having any ups", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31zjie", "comment_id": "cq6i1ks"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (25f) am having a lot of trouble making friends.", "description": "ive always been quite reserved growing up, borderline shy, but after going to hair school and doing hair for a few years, it helped me grow to learn how to socialize my self better.   Yet, I\u2019m still pretty introverted and don\u2019t talk to people if I don\u2019t have to. In my experience when I do talk to people, it\u2019s like they don\u2019t want to talk to me. It\u2019s either very short replies, like they\u2019re not even listening or they don\u2019t even care to listen. So I just stop trying. It\u2019s always been a issue for me. In hair school, all the teachers hated me because they felt I had no personality, I didn\u2019t talk to people well and I make everyone uncomfortable because I have terrible social skills with clientele and I just could never fit into the world with the way I was. Which wasn\u2019t always my fault, I pushed myself a lot to try small talk, but I wasn\u2019t going to force it if a client didn\u2019t want to talk to me. I pushed myself so much that at the end of the day I was exhausted from trying to converse then go home and cry my eyes out because I still wasn\u2019t fitting in. I almost ended up killing myself because I just wasn\u2019t fitting in anywhere. But that\u2019s when people started to reach out to me, talk and hang out with me after I got out of the hospital. \n\nEventually it went back to the same issue.  Even after doing hair for three years, social skills werent up to par, I mean it got a lot better a long the years, just never good enough. It killed my confidence even more so I quit doing hair.\n\nNow I work in a lab, where I work with quite a few introverted people which is nice, but now I feel like I\u2019m deprived from human interaction because I only have one person that really talks to me which is my boyfriend. Half the time he rarely wants to talk to me, he even makes comments about how I\u2019m the first girlfriend he\u2019s had who hasn\u2019t had many friends. Also that I can\u2019t rely on him to be there all the time which I don\u2019t... I\u2019ve stopped trying to go to him with things because he gets so bothered but won\u2019t admit it. I\u2019ve even tried reaching out to old friend to try to rekindle friendships, or hang out with current friends, but people are usually not interested and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing wrong. \n\nI\u2019m really someone who tries not to complain or bother people with issues, so that\u2019s why I came here to see if anyone (Strangers who seem to have no judgement) had advice on how I can better myself socially or make friends? Any tips are really appreciated or any bluntness too... I just want to be able to be somewhat normal...", "answer": "What are your hobbies?  What do you do for fun?  The best way to make friends is to find people who enjoy doing the same things as you.  That way, you instantly have something to talk about that doesn't feel forced.  It also gives you a boost in confidence because if it's a hobby of yours, you probably know what you're talking about.  \n\n\nI'd also recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain.  I think it could be really helpful for you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ez7rbt", "comment_id": "fgm3ccu"}, {"question": "Help for lying", "description": "I can't seem to stop lying. I don't know how to fix the issue but I desperately want to. I lie about small silly things. Whether or not I enjoy doing something like watching a particular movie or about what foods I like. It isn't premeditated it is always in the moment. My lies change based on who I am around. If I am around my dad who insists on going to university, I tell him my plan is to go for a Bachelors degree. If I am around my artsy friend going to film school, suddenly I am going to art college for animation. I noticed I seem to lie in a way that I think will not to offend people, so they accept my life. I have done this for as long as I can remeber. The big issue this has caused me is uncertainty in who I am, what I want and what the truth is. Any suggestions on how to fix this would be appreciated. This is really impacting my life. I cant make decisions to go forward and this is hurting current relationships. I want to know what the truth is but can't seem to get past the lies.", "answer": "This is a pretty common response from my on this Reddit sub but I think you really need to consider getting connected with a good therapist.  Chronic lying especially in circumstances as you've described are generally an indicator that your tolerance for stress caused by disapproval from others is fairly low so you've gotten into a pattern of avoidance (making up stories about yourself) that you've gotten so good at, it now happens without thinking.  \n\nIt may take some time to process what lead you to start doing that in the first place.  Usually I see this come from some sort of trauma and/or abuse.  \n\nNext you need to figure who you are, who you want to be, and begin working at coping with disapproval from others, because no matter who you are, there are going to be people who like you for it and people who hate you for it.  It's much more healthy to accept this than try to continue changing yourself.\n\nHope this helps!  Best of luck.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xvz9a", "comment_id": "duc6j6i"}, {"question": "Is this normal?", "description": "I've worked in the defense industries and military since I was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. I believe I may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but I wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.\n\nOverall when I'm with friends and family I can calm down and relax, but when I'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. I've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. I continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people I'm with.  My friends make fun of me, but when I come into a restaurant but I have to face the door and I'll still \"scan\". People standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane. \n\nOverall I dont think I'm paranoid, but I cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. When I try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. For reference I dont remember any significant trauma and I can't get into what I do for work, but I haven't been in combat yet. I'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.\n\nNot looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "As a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public.  \n\nIt has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community.  Similar to you, I like to face the door, I want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom.  I prefer to sit near an exit, I'll think about where I might hide if an active shooter entered.  I've had lots of training, I'm around a lot of former military, and I model them and they give me tips.  But yea, I definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression.  I am not physically intimidating, lol.  \n\nTo me, I say it's normal because of what I do for work.  Same for you.  I don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet.  \n\nWhat may be normal for me might not be normal for you.  It depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning.  Do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "ebdl3iq"}, {"question": "How do you let your face heal? Am I not supposed to fix anything at all??", "description": "How do normal people do it? Like, blackheads, whiteheads, scabs. Do they just not touch them? I can't stand seeing or feeling anything on my face. It's hard for me to believe it would just go away. Especially blackheads. \n\nI want to let my skin heal, but I keep needing to fix things....\n\nNote: I'm looking for a legit, scientific answer. Are you supposed to just let everything live in your face?? Because that sounds crazy.", "answer": "If you can afford to, I\u2019d recommend regular sessions with an aesthetician. Trust them as a professional to extract the things which warrant extraction and to do it in a way that doesn\u2019t damage your skin", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "j5bue0", "comment_id": "g7sxah4"}, {"question": "Does spinal decompression work to increase height?", "description": "Would spinal decompression such as hanging from inversion boots/table make any noticeable increase in a person\u2019s height? I\u2019ve heard of athletes using this to *temporarily* gain a marginal amount of height before a combine but it does sound very much like pseudoscience. \n\nIf there is a noticeable increase in height, how much would a person of average height expect to gain? How long would these effects last? How long would a person have to remain inverted for their spine to be \u201cfully\u201d decompressed? \n\nAside from an increase in height, are there actual medical benefits to it?\n\nLastly, are there any negative side effects of spinal decompression through inversion? \n\n\n", "answer": "It would work temporarily and slightly. You\u2019re also taller in the morning than after remaining standing for a day. It\u2019s not enough height to have any significant use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "avviws", "comment_id": "ehi1nww"}, {"question": "My (20F) boyfriend (21M) wants to take a break but not give each other space?", "description": "We've only been going out for four months and been friends for five. The past month has been pretty bad; we both have a lot of shit going on in our lives and it's taken a toll on the relationship. He has more shit going on than I do; he can't afford school, doesn't have a job, lives an hour away from the city, etc.\n\n\nThe first three months of the relationship were AMAZING. We saw each other once a week, we had a good physical relationship, and we constantly were on the phone with each other. This past month, though, the ugly stuff came out. I'm always the one making plans to meet and he complains about driving out 30 mins to see me, when we had petty fights (my fault) he has said he didn't love me but then said it was only out of anger, and quite frankly, I do 80% in this relationship whereas he does 20%.\n\n\nYesterday we had another fight. We patched it up at night. This morning, he told me he wanted a break. I told him to define to me what that meant. He said he wanted to get his life in order without the added stress of a relationship; he did not want to prioritize the relationship currently so being in a relationship with him during this time would be unfair to me, since we wouldn't give me the love and attention I deserve.\n\n\nAll of this sounded great to me; we're both young, still live with our parents, and needed to sort our lives out before committing to one another. But then I asked him if we were exclusive and getting back together after the break.\n\n\nHe said yes, we were exclusive, but that I should \"keep my options open\". I asked him if he was going to look for someone else or even have sex with them/be intimate with them and he said no, that's the last thing he wants. Plus his libido has decreased due to stress in his life, which I agree with too. He told me loved me and will never have it better than we did, but he couldn't guarantee we would end up together. He says he wants to, but can't say that we will.\n\n\nHe also doesn't want to give each other space. Like I said, we are constantly on call, and he wants to continue doing that. We have this thing where we sleep at night on the phone which he says he wants to keep doing.\n\n\nTLDR; he wants the same thing as a relationship but he wants to take a break from the commitment and the lovey-dovey stuff to get his life in check, but NOT to find anyone else. He says he wants to end up together but if his life doesn't lead him that way, he won't force it.\n\n\nWhat should I dooooo?", "answer": "this is too vague and needs definition.\n1-commitment means future:  ok, he won't commit to a future.  2- he doesn't want to date others but you should keep options open:  this is absurd and illogical. i can't believe he won't be keeping options open too! 3- are you two going to have sex?;  if yes, then it's lovey-dovey, but casual fwb.\nBOTTOM LINE:  He doesn't want a relationship so you should probably just move on, and cease contact, because his vagueness and ambiguity will drive you crazy.  He's not ready. Period.\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dbha5", "comment_id": "di1bvgq"}, {"question": "I would really appreciate it if you read this. What issues do I have?", "description": "Hi guys. I don't know if this the right place to vent. I think I have some issues or if something is/isn't wrong with me. I was up until just recently trying to better myself by journaling, exercising consistently, and improving my social skills. I'm 18 but I've moved around a lot so I don't have a solid group of friends, only a few I've made at college. I am not ugly but I have horrible allergies so my eye skin makes me look older and at 5' 8\" I'm at 145 lbs so I have weight to lose. I'm also Ethiopian  with curly hair so it's a real struggle trying to maintain my huge, and I mean HUGE amount of curly hair, compared to silky straight hair, which in the end is not even considered as good as straight soft  hair.\n\nI recently made a fake tinder account only to see how tinder works features wise, but then I made a fake account using pics of an Instagrammer who isn't super famous. I've started and been messaging many guys for 4 days who are eager to meet up for a few days. I forget they think I'm a different person and I imagine they are complimenting me. I started to feel like a major creep so I deleted it and now I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with me. I feel like I work so hard to improve myself but i feel like I'm hardly making progress. I study so hard just to get good grades, I'm constantly trying to be approachable and improve my communication skills and make friends, etc. I'm scared to post on my Facebook because  I'm afraid no one will give me likes. I tell myself for weeks that I am strong and shouldn't seek validation in others and to keep on improving, and then one day I'll look at how few friends I have and how ugly I am and I just start crying again, which makes me feel like I've never been strong at all. I just feel like generally as a person I suck. Do I need therapy? ", "answer": "It sounds like a self-esteem problem that's based in believing that there is an objective ideal for beauty.  I get this impression when you say you're 5'8\", 145 lbs (and have weight to lose) and being upset about your naturally curly hair.  First off, It sounds like you're at a healthy weight for your height.  Next, some guys prefer straight hair, some guys prefer curly.  \n\nIf you had straight hair, some people that don't find you attractive now might, but all of the people who would find you attractive now BECAUSE of your curly hair would stop.  \n\nYou can't please everyone and at the end of the day, there is no objective measure of beauty or attractiveness.  \n\nThe important thing is to learn to be okay with yourself.  You don't necessarily have to love yourself (though that would be great) but just be okay with yourself.  Once you are happy and confident with who you are, you will find others who find you to be exactly their type, no matter who you are or what you look like.  \n\nSo to answer your question, yes, I think therapy would be extremely helpful for you to break this idea that there is one objective beauty ideal that you don't match, because although it seems to be drilled into you, it's just not true.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zbe3k", "comment_id": "dunh7hw"}, {"question": "What would you do if a client suddenly got overwhelmed from the questions and asks to stop asking questions?", "description": "Something of a random thought, but I\u2019m genuinely interested in what a therapist\u2019s reaction would be.", "answer": "I would stop. \nTherapy is a collaborative process and we rely on our patients to tell us when they need less, or need more. We can\u2019t know if no one tells us so I try to remind my patients that I welcome feedback, information and directives.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f66kvl", "comment_id": "fi3y16x"}, {"question": "Sitting in my hospital bed with a mysterious virus attacking my liver. Any thaughts?", "description": "Male, 31 years old, 5'10\", 175lbs, Caucasian, Symptoms for 2 weeks, effected organ: Liver, Buffalo, New York, no pre-existing conditions, no medications, no photos.\n\nPlease forgive my grammar I am typing this with one hand since my other has my IV line in.*\n\nMy symptoms started a little over 2 weeks ago today. I was experiencing what I thought was the normal flu and was just pushing thru like I normally do since I work full time. Friday of last week 7 days ago now was one of my worst days of fatigue and vomiting but it was the first day I noticed my urine turn abnormally orange. Thought I was just dehydrated. But I also started experiencing dizzynes and crazy feelings of euphoria. My eyes hurt in the light and it made me wonky and with slight headaches. Still thought it was just the flu. I push through till Wednesday till these symptoms hit an extreme. It's almost impossible to function and I've never felt this way in my entire life. My girlfriend got fed up drags dumb butt to the doctors.\n\nWednesday 1:00pm I'm getting tested for the flu and sure enough I come back positive. Saw that coming. Doc tells me he can't help it with medication since I'm to far along. Then drops a bomb. I'm not a medical professional so forgive me if my terms are a bit off from here on out. He tells me there's an issue with my liver, that my enzymes are off the charts. Like bonkers. One enzyme normal range was 11-38 U/L, mine was 1127. That's not a typo. Another range for a different one was 10-47 U/L, mine was 606. And another one had a range of 0.2-1.6 mg/dl, mine was 6.1. Doc slaps 2 IVs in me and sends me right to the ER. I'm thinking they're going to give me some antibiotics and I'm going home. Nope, I get triaged and administered as soon as they get their own results back. They slap all the serious information in my face and the fun begins.\n\nI received a battery of tests. Two forms of ultrasounds. One normal, the other a \u201cDoppler\u201d but everything is working fine. I've been healthy my whole life. I don't drink a lot. And I've never had pain in it at all. So the liver looks good. Except it isn't working right. My enzymes are sustaining their high levels. They pin it down to my \u201cbile duct\u201d and my diagnosis is that it's being attacked by some form of virus that's not the flu. And they have to figure out which one before they can administer and kind of medication short of nausea meds to help my vomiting.\n\n3:00am Thursday: I get my first round of blood work and it seems like they drain my body dry to test everything obvious from a virus standpoint. All forms of Hepatitis, HIV, to Mono and a whole lot more. They feed me magnesium and I vomit for the last time Thursday morning. Blood work comes back completely negative on all front. Thursday afternoon I received visits from about 4 separate physicians and 2 different GI's re-evaluat me while bombarding me with background questions. My abnormal levels have sustained. Thursday night I get my second round of blood work down. Now I feel like a pincushion and they drain me again and I wait.\n\nFriday morning comes, more doctors. Enzymes are still off. Blood work from all test the night before came back negative. I got the notion before but I get the first actually admission from one of the friendlier doctors. \u201cWe don't know what it is yet.\u201d Promptly followed by my third round of blood work. This time earlier on in the afternoon. I get a visit before the friendlier doctor went home to tell me it looks like they're going to all come back negative as well. And my levels are still very dangerous. I'll be getting more blood work done in the night sometime. Wahoo!\n\nThat was earlier on this evening. I just get to sit in bed all day and wait. No meds. The IVs helped my flu and I feel much better on that end. But my head still feels like it's constantly floating. My eyes look I'm Michael Jackson in Thriller. I have a lingering headaches. And my urine still looks like I ate a Texas Longhorn fan.\n\nSo out of sheer time and boredom I've googled and tried not to think about it. But one of my friends told me to throw a post up here. Won't solve anything. Won't interfere with my doctors.. but Its hard to suffer in silence, so I'm throwing my story out there.\n\nSo is 1am Saturday now. More blood work anytime now. Maybe someone on here can keep me outta my own head. Any thaughts?\n\nSincerely, Mystery Liver \n\nThis is my snap I took of one of my tests. \n\nTest https://imgur.com/gallery/CsozmIs\n\n\n7:30am Saturday March 16th. They just did more blood work on me a few minutes ago. Didn't say what for. Just a nurse that didn't know much other then all my test yesterday we're still negative. Urine is still orange. Eyes still yellow. Im getting a lil drousy from it so I think I'm gonna pass out for a bit so if I don't respond I'll get back to you. I am frankly taken back about how many people even aknowleged my post. I took a shot in the dark to share my story and expected nothing. All I've received is love and help from everyone on here so far.. kinda in disbelief and it honestly helps me so much just to talk about it, rather then letting it stew inside my head by myself in my bed. One love all I'll be back on soon.\n\n1:00pm. Just med with lead MD. My numbers seem to be getting a little better today. The liver is still functioning. My symptoms haven't subsided. He said my body is naturally fighting whatever it was that was in there. But the uncertainty still makes me uneasy. They popped me 2 huge honkers of phosphorus a little earlier I could barley swallow. He really believed my symptoms would be getting better and when I informed him there was minimal change he decided to send me to nuerology. So I guess I'm going down there later to get some scans. I'm happy my numbers are getting better. Scared that they don't know what it is. And freaked now that it might be something else wrong with me as well. Here's to more waiting.\n\n8:00pm. Nuerology ran a CT and MRI around 3pm. Haven't seen or heard from a doctor since. So not much to update other then the food here still sucks.  Guess I'll find out sometime tomorrow. I'm sick of this bed. Symptoms haven't stopped. Thanks again to everyone for the love.\n\n11:20am Sunday March 17th. No news on nuero exams. Haven't seen a doctor yet about it so hopefully no news is good news. But I get the notion that I'm not going home today haha. Nurse said she didn't have any information other then \"my levels are still very high.\" I'll repost when I have something more interesting to say other then I'm bored and want to go home.. did I mention I'm bored and want to go home..?\n\nMonday 1:00pm My body finally is \"beating the virus\". After almost a week my enzyme levels dropped significantly. I'll get the numbers in a few minutes but I feel a lot better. And I have to do follow-ups tomorrow and throughout the upcoming weeks. I'm seeing one of the GI's that worked on me at their outside office. They said I still have tests pending that take a while to come  back.. But.. I JUST GOT DISCHARGED!!!. It's been a long week. And it stinks they still haven't pinned it down. But everyone in this sub.. without a doubt in my mind... Helped me get some sleep at night.. not being alone in this and getting some information and understanding from other professionals on here, beyond a shadow of a doubt, helped me as much mentally as the doctor's in the ER helped me physically.\n\nThank you Reddit.. Thank you AskDocs. Thank you Professionals,\n\nSincerely, Mystery Liver", "answer": "I send you big virtual hugs. Sounds terrifying. So Sorry!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b1oxcp", "comment_id": "eiolnck"}, {"question": "What is going on with my boyfriend?", "description": "It is currently 7am and my boyfriend has just fallen asleep so I\u2019ve decided I need to identify what the hell just happened. Just to give some insight on him, he\u2019s the youngest of seven boys, has ADHD, is impulsive and extremely childish. But then he\u2019ll have these episodes where he just gets all philosophical and existential. He\u2019s like a little baby, as I see it, pretending to be an adult. His dad was emotionally and physically abusive to him as a kid, and his brothers used to beat him up and make fun of him. He\u2019s very outgoing and extroverted, but he doesn\u2019t tell anyone his deep inner feelings but me. \n\nI visited him last night to just check in on him and found him in bed, but not asleep. He\u2019s always had really bad insomnia. But recently he hasn\u2019t been sleeping at night. He waits until the sun comes up and goes to sleep and then wakes up at 4pm. I\u2019m not questioning that though. \n\nBut he turned to me then when I went into his room and sat on his bed. He said he\u2019s been so tired. So drained. He doesn\u2019t leave his bed. He wants to but he can\u2019t. And then he started crying. I left him lay where he was. He said how he doesn\u2019t have any energy. That he\u2019s taking all his vitamins and he sleeps a lot but he\u2019s so tired and lethargic and when he tries to sleep he can\u2019t. That he\u2019s stuck in a revolving door. His cries broke into sobs and I embraced him. \n\nThat calmed him down but then he started breathing heavy and broke away and kept out of the bed, banging his fists and kicking the wall. He was screaming. It was like a fit of rage. And then he would cry. And then just go right back to screaming and kicking. He was breathing so heavy, at this point he was gasping for air but he was so full of rage. He would scream this incoherent bits about something eating him away. Or why was he like this, or what was happened to him. He started saying \u201cget out! Get out!\u201d And I stood up to walk out, but then he fell to the ground and started sobbing. So I went back to him and helped him onto his feet and then he started hyperventilating again.\n\nHe was pacing back and forth, momentarily banging his fist or head against a wall or kicking his wall. He started rambling nonsense about what he was feeling, and I\u2019ll try to sum it up; \u201cI feel so trapped, it\u2019s eating at me, it\u2019s killing me, but I don\u2019t know what it is. It\u2019s killing me from the inside and leaving a husk of my flesh. I\u2019m just a zombie, and nobody will notice because it won\u2019t kill me. It will torture me forever and I can\u2019t do anything about it.\u201dAnd he was pacing, and running his hands through his hair. And he would have two second intervals of sobbing and then would go back to yelling and then cry some more. He looked terrified throughout the whole thing. \n\nI can\u2019t tell you what I was doing, because I genuinely don\u2019t know. I was so overwhelmed with what he was saying and doing. I felt terrible, but I didn\u2019t want to intervene to make it worse. I went to hug him to calm him down and he just swore and started hyperventilating again. \u201cNobody loves me\u201d \u201cno, I love you\u201d \u201cfuck off\u201d. We\u2019d have those exchanges as he paced and then seconds later he would cry and say how sorry he was. \n\nHe would have weird swings of perspectives. \u201cIt\u2019s so hot in here.\u201d And then he\u2019d crack a window. \u201cIt\u2019s fucking freezing\u201d and he\u2019d jump up and down. \n\nHe said something that insulted me, i think he called me washed up or something, and then put his hands over his mouth and threw himself against a wall crying. I took that opportunity to go to him. As usual, he started breathing heavy again but instead of letting him go I just whispered to him and he calmed down. I told him he was probably exhausted and we laid down in the bed. He started squirming because he got too hot so I took of all the blankets accept for one and wrapped it around him. I told him to poke his feet out because then he\u2019ll cool down, and he did that and then was out like a light.\n\nI don\u2019t know what happened. I think it may have started out with an existential episode he was having and then something snapped but I don\u2019t know. I want him to be okay. Does anyone have a clue about what just occurred.\n\nI looked up a lot of stuff on the internet and mania seems to have popped up. Does this sound like mania to you guys?", "answer": "Chiming in to what everyone else says I think it might be good to look at physical illness- being sick can take mental things to a whole different level", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chmgqe", "comment_id": "euwaes7"}, {"question": "How can I [24F] have the relationship talk without scaring him [24M]", "description": "I've been dating this guy for about 7 months now. He's amazing and sweet and makes me happy. He's met my parents, my brother, my brothers girlfriend and a few of my friends and I have met some of his friends (but not many). But we still are in the weird relationship limbo. He's mentioned to me that I'm not single anymore and recently he said he could tell his parents that he \"kind of has a girlfriend\" but does that mean anything? I also noticed that he still had the tinder app on his phone (where we met) but I don't know if he is actively using it. I just want to k ow where I stand because I really really like him but I have no clue where I stand with him. Does it seem like he's assuming we're a couple? And how can I ask him what we are without being too forward? I don't know if he wants me to make the first move or what but honestly I'm getting of tired of being in limbo. ", "answer": "You should ask that question just before or just after having sex the first time.  It's never to soon to be direct with someone about what they feel and what they want. By all means ASK. if it scares him he's too immature to be in a ltr.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ei51u", "comment_id": "diagwaj"}, {"question": "I purged and some of my kidney medication came out what should I do", "description": "Help please I have an autoimmune disorder ( IgA nephropathy ). I just purged and with the brown disgusting stuff some of my medicine came out. They are bright white tables so the were easy to spot. I take some other medications that are dark green and brown, so I don\u2019t know if they came out or not. I\u2019m really scared. I don\u2019t know what to do. Should I take another dose ? I have no one to talk to or get advice right now. Please help. I\u2019m so sorry for my English it\u2019s not my first language.", "answer": "You call the Doctor who prescribed it, let them know how much time passed between you taking the medication and the purging, and they will let you know if you need to take it again or it\u2019s been absorbed and you can wait for your next dose or if it\u2019s one of those medications that you absolutely should not take again", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "i0gq84", "comment_id": "fzpw6pz"}, {"question": "Can I hold a bag of weed and not use any of it? Pass up a spliff doing the rounds? Yes I can \ud83d\ude0e I believe I just leveled up.", "description": "Day 23 here and today I took possession of a bag of weed for my brother in law who lives with me and helps out on my farm. It is a thank you gift as he enjoys his smoke and it isn't a problem for him. \nI sat with him whilst he had a smoke, I could smell it, I could almost taste it .... And yet I'm ok. \n\nI can do this. I wasn't sure how it would be but it's ok ... I don't want to smoke weed anymore. The addict in me does but my voice is louder. I feel like today is a breakthrough. I've been tested and I've scored gold \ud83d\ude01", "answer": "If you have a bunch of levels already it's a win. With less than a year of sober actions and risk catching, this sounds massively misguided and really scary. Each person's sobriety is their own thing but this smells just like the addiction trying to convince you it's gone. \n\nRelapse usually comes on the back of three conditions which means proximity/access alone is never the problem by itself. \n\nCongratulations because each win is a win but this set off my Spidey Sense. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b7bo3o", "comment_id": "ejrowp5"}, {"question": "I think the therapist I planned to work with ghosted me - what do I do?", "description": "A few months ago I was shopping around for a therapist when I met with one that I connected with and was very excited to work with. Unfortunately some financial issues came up so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to start as soon as I'd like however I'd reach out as soon as I'm in a good place financially. Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I reached out to let her know that I'm ready if she has any openings. She sent me her availability, I confirmed the date I was available, and I haven't heard from her since. I even followed up again a few days ago to no response. I'm so bummed because I have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support I need. Wondering if I should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if I should let it go and find a new therapist.\n\nEDIT added clarification", "answer": "I agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt AND staying open to other therapists .\n\nEveryone I know is slammed right now.  People are seeking therapy like never before,  and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment.  Even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .\n\nMany therapists are also struggling with other stressors.  Closed schools and daycares,  partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "fkkxhn5"}, {"question": "[PANICKING] My TNF-Alpha levels are elevated", "description": "Hello docs,\n\nEh I'm sweating from panic.\n\nExperiencing very worrisome symptoms in the past 2 months, but I was trying to attribute them to weed withdrawal.\n\nAge: 20\n\nHave been smoking weed of very bad quality for 2 years, every day, without knowing that it was of such quality.\n(could be laced with detergent or heroin)\nEach joint was half tobacco, half weed approximately.\nHave also been smoking cigarettes for 2 years, around 1.25 pack a day.\n\nLast few months I've only smoked high quality weed, but I'm scared about my past habits.\n\nAnyway I just got an email with my TNF-Alpha levels being elevated - and I'm extremely concerned.\n\n[**8,6** | \u2191 0,0-8,1 ng/l]\n\nAm I correct by assuming that this can't be due to weed withdrawal, and is associated with cancer only?\n\nWill go to the doctors tomorrow obviosuly, but I really want to know.\n\nOther stuff being out of bounds:\n\n* erythrocytes **6,09** \u2191 4,20-5,70 x10^12/l\n* granulocytes **75,3** \u2191 43,0-65,0 %\n* lymphocytes **18,7** \u2193 20,5-46,5 %\n* serum albumin **53,4** \u2191 35-52 g/L\n* serum uric acid **440** \u2191 208-428 \u00b5mol/l\n* bilirubin total **49** \u2191 5,0-21,0 \u00b5mol/l\n* direct bilirubin **9,2** \u2191 0,0-3,4 \u00b5mol/l\n* vitamin d **29,26** nmol/l (insufficient 25-75, deficient <25)\n* serum electrophoresys albumin **66,4** | 53,8 - 65,2\n* serum electrophoresys beta globulin **8,4** | 8,6 - 14,8\n\nMy symptoms:\n\n* intermittent rib or lung discomfort on the right side, sometimes left side as well (feels like it's under my ribs, in a wider area)\n* jaundice in my eye whites\n* pain in my fingertips on fingers and toes (hopefully not clubbing)\n* feels like my chest lymph nodes could be enlarged, but x-ray was clear (read on many sources how they can often not show on an x-ray)\n* lymph node above left collarbone is easily palpable, feels soft (sometimes harder) and rubbery, movable, but been this way for many years\n* sometimes I feel itchy at night\n* my liver being on the upper normal limit (size-related)\n* had a persistent cough for 2 months, while I was quitting weed, but it is gone\n* had teary, red eyes in the morning, but this is gone as well\n* alcohol intolerance\n* had night sweats for 2 nights in a row, in first days of weed withdrawal\n* lost weight (not sure exactly how much, around 5-6kg in the past month)\n\nAny help is massively appreciated!", "answer": "TNF\u03b1 definitely isn't only associated with cancer. It's a marker, and in fact a driver, of inflammation. It will be elevated in cancer, but much more commonly in other inflammatory conditions including rheumatoid, like arthritis, or even infectious.\n\nSince you didn't list your symptoms it's hard to say more.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8d0ts5", "comment_id": "dxjcquz"}, {"question": "1 night of literally no sleep can effect temperature regulation? Or something along those lines?", "description": "Hello.\n\nI'm 31, male.\n\nFamily history of insomnia. I've had sleep issues since college. Also history of migraines if that matters. Also take effexor if that matters.\n\nLately when I have a full night of no sleep, unable to sleep at all even 5 minutes of dozing off, I seem to have a day of uncontrollable sweating. I'm talking full on cold sweats. My skin feels cold and sweat like crazy. This has only recently started last few times of full night no sleep. Like 3-4 times over 4 months probably. My medication has not changed either.\n\nIt feels like my body cannot adapt to the temperature. Maybe it's because of the summer and the cold ac is not going well compared to a normal day. When I go into warmer temps, like outside, I feel a bit more comfortable. But if I put on a light jacket I sweat even more! It's like no win. I can't try to nap until after work. I'm certainly hoping for a way to just overcome this sweating. \n\nI can always provide more details.\n\nBut this sweating is just awful... Luckily I'm working from home.", "answer": "That\u2019s a normal and common problem with lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation messes up your body\u2019s temperature regulation. The only real fix is to make sure you get adequate sleep.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzjb1w", "comment_id": "fzjhb02"}, {"question": "Weedless in Seattle", "description": "Hey everybody, nice to meet you. I'm here because I did a Google search for \"marijuana addiction\" and found this sub. I'm hoping I can discuss my issues here without being told that marijuana isn't addictive or that my addiction is purely mental, because neither of those is true or helpful. \n\nI know firsthand that marijuana is addictive because I'm addicted to it to the point that it's ruining my life. When I smoke, I smoke all day every day--and I usually wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night and puff to go back to sleep. I lose interest in most activities besides smoking and half-paying-attention to Netflix or playing games on my phone. Toward the end of a bender I even stop working (I do house cleaning because it's a job I can do high, yet I still stop doing it when the addiction gets bad enough).  \n\nWhen I'm on a bender my weed habit costs me around $600 a month, sometimes more. I don't have $600 a month to spend on weed, so I stop paying my bills. It finally got so bad I had to move back in with my parents (to really drive home how pathetic this is, I'm forty-fucking-two years old.) \n\nI've also developed a chronic cough and throat problems from burning my throat raw. I tried switching to a vaporizer because of this but I didn't get the same quality high I do from smoking out of a bong. I used to be in pretty good shape but I've put on probably 25 pounds due to the munchies and the general \"fuck-it\" attitude I get about everything. Can't pay the bills? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Friends are slowly drifting away because I never go out anymore? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Craving McDonald's even though I'm cultivating a pot-belly that makes me look 3 months pregnant? Fuck it, getting high feels good, and when I'm high, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING except getting high and feeling good. Or good-ish, as my tolerance builds and it starts to be more about maintenance.\n\nPart of the reason I moved in with my parents, in addition to finances, is that I thought it would be harder to get high around them. But addicts find a way, don't they? About 2 months after I moved in with them I started smoking again--I just go park in a shopping mall parking lot where I'm one of a thousand cars and no one will notice me, and I'll get high until I know my parents have gone to bed. \n\nFor the past 10 years I've never been able to quit for more than about 3 months at a time. I think once I quit for 6 months, but there will always be some incident where I say \"Oh just one puff,\" or someone has it at a party and I'm like \"I'll just smoke tonight at the party,\" but as any addict will tell you it's never \"just one.\" Ever. \n\nI'm posting today looking for some support to help me keep the fuck off the pot. I've actually been to a Marijuana Anonymous support group but it was awful and I can't go back. A room full of 30-40 people all reminiscing about how awesome it is to get high and play video games. The two times I went, I went directly to the dispensary afterward and got high and played video games. \n\nA big part of my problem too is that I have depression and anxiety that are sometimes severe. I've tried antidepressants, diet, exercise, the only thing I've ever found that effectively removes the depression and anxiety is weed, which does it instantaneously. I can literally feel the peace wash over me and through my body when I smoke. So yeah, weed does do something good for me--at the expense of robbing me of everything else that makes life worth living--my home, my friends, my productivity, my pleasure at anything else besides getting high. \n\nI hate that this is what I've turned my life into. And yet. I have my coat on and my keys in my pocket to head to the dispensary right now. I quit for the 800 trillionth time about 2 weeks ago, but Jesus do I want to go get some. I'd say that want is hovering at around 85%. The fucker's in my head right now, \"Just one puff--just get a $5 nug and smoke that and be done. Come on, you know you want to. You know how good it'll feel. It's been a couple weeks since your sorry ass tried to 'quit' so that first hit's going to feel fucking amazing.\"\n\nI know this is a little rambling. Thank you for listening.  ", "answer": "Hey there, fellow Pacific Northwesterner here. Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at the meeting you tried! I'm not in Seattle but I know some folks in the Seattle marijuana anonymous fellowship who are good people, I hope you'll consider trying out a different meeting because they are usually not like that! Welcome and best of luck to you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8gc5sc", "comment_id": "dyb4ejb"}, {"question": "[15/m] Struggling with a lack of desire to socialize as all my relationships slowly fall apart.", "description": "I'm slowly but surely losing my ability to start a conversation, as well as the fact that socializing is starting to lose its appeal for me. I can't carry (well, sometimes I can but I can never start) an interesting conversation. All I can do is respond to the way people talk to me.\n\nSome might say \"Oh! You just started a conversation! Don't bullshit yourself,\" but that's not exactly the case. This is Reddit, not real life. It wasn't too long ago I was able to carry nice conversations with my friends that lasted for a while, and usually I would start them, but now the words don't come to me anymore. I think \"Hey there's _____, I haven't talked to them in a while!\" and start to approach them but just as I begin to propose something or try and join their group conversation, the words don't come to me, and I just stand there creepily without expression for a brief moment until I decide to leave.\n\nSo I haven't a clue how to solve or fix this, or even if this is on the correct sub (sure seemed like it, considering how it deals with my relationships with people) but I haven't any clue where to go from here, and was curious if anybody struggled with something similar.", "answer": "I would see a therapist in case this is social anxiety and/or depression. Easily solved if you do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63npb5", "comment_id": "dfvni4g"}, {"question": "How organized are you guys?", "description": "How organized are you guys and how do you guys approach organizing?", "answer": "I became organized after an old boss of mine told me I could not trust my brain, that I HAD to write EVERYTHING down. She was really helpful in me accepting and understand how to work with my ADHD. I use a passion planner and I write tasks down in my weekly to-do lists and I need to have a view of my whole week so I like their weekly spread layout.\n\nI also use the location based reminders on the iPhone. I constantly have reminders pop up in places when I don\u2019t even remember setting them \ud83d\ude06 \n\nI will occasionally do a big brain dump and write down all the tasks/ideas/ stuff that gets clogged up in my brain and causes anxiety (that\u2019s after avoiding it for a week by playing video games) Then I go through and categorize them by putting them on a task list, an idea list written in a journal or on a calendar for a later date. \n\nThe system from www.adultaddsuccesstools.com was incredibly helpful in teaching me about organizing and I highly recommend them. The daily planning pad was integral and it took me a while to get consistent but once I did it was like something clicked.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91lzw1", "comment_id": "e3f5abi"}, {"question": "What are the first signs of depression?", "description": "I think I might be depressed and don't know what to do.\n\nAll joy seems to have disappeared from life. Everything is a chore,  even playing with my great 6 year old son who is super enthusiastic his dad is home for two weeks for the holidays. \n\nI have a job that pays very well for little effort but I have conflicts with the family who are not manager material and don't show any leadership. I hate every second there. \n\nDuring the weekend and holidays, I sleep till noon and 4 pm I'm exhausted already. \n\nI feel there is nothing to look forward to, even the 3 week roadtrip around Italy my wife is planning for next Summer doesn't excite me.  I'd rather stay home and sleep. \n\nI'm continuously bored,  counting down the hours until I can go to sleep. \n\nAm I depressed and what should I do?  This is not \"really living\"  any more,  just being alive. \n\nThank you for all the comments and help you might offer beforehand. \n\nEDIT... UPDATE...\n\nFirst, thank you very much for all the replies, very much appreciated!\n\nI should add a few more elements that might help you to understand what's going on.\n\nOne. My wife is South Korean and has a very hard time living here in Europe. I'm continuously translating, negociating,... just about anything. She can't help it but it is very tiring.\n\nTwo. My son has some medical condition (non life threatening, thank heavens) that causes him to wake up every two, three hours, need two minutes of attention and then goes back to sleep. So the past five years, I have rarely slept more than 3 hours in one go.\n\nThree. I'm a neat and tidy person and I love minimalism. My student flat used to be, eh, just about empty, just the stuff you need, a few beautiful things, the rest functional. My wife is not. Our house is *full*\u00a8of stuff *everywhere* and as much as I try to organise things, it's no use and it makes me very nervous to see all this *stuff* around me. Not her fault of course, not saying that.\n\nFour. I'm the only one in the household who has an income. My wife doesn't work and doesn't receive any benefits (long story), so although I make good money, money still *always* is tight when three people have to live off it.  Money is a constant worry (that's why I could never afford to pay 80\u20ac an hour or something like that for a psychiatrist, in my country social security does not cover  psychologists or psychiatrists, you have to pay yourself).", "answer": "Yep - either see a GP/PCP or a psychiatrist like me - depending on severity and personal needs, you might wish to consider antidepressants and/or talking therapies.\n\n[Depression](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kpziy", "comment_id": "dbq83m1"}, {"question": "D&d club", "description": "People who have a d&d club at school, what are the rules? I am trying to start one at my school", "answer": "You will probably need a teacher or other staff member to be a sponsor for it. I would ask your teachers to see if anyone is interested and they can tell you how it would work at your school.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d310a0", "comment_id": "ezyaxx2"}, {"question": "Has anyone ever tried going through DBT alone (without the help of peers or a therapist)? How has it worked for you so far?", "description": "Not sure if this question has been asked here yet. Just curious about those who go through DBT by following workbooks as guide.", "answer": "https://media4.giphy.com/media/2fs2I4ujlBf20/giphy.gif\n\nYou can do a bunch of great work but you'd be in for a tough job of both the D and the T. Fighting your own cognitions, emotions and invalidation tendencies is tricky to say the least. If trauma or family dynamics are involved in guessing you will end up just finding frustration and endless circles of trying to fake it or out think it. \n\nNot that you can't do it, but that's a tall order. What I love is that almost by definition, if you do it then you prove you are much more stable, persistent, consistent and emotionally aware than whoever diagnosed you believes. \n\nThere's a magic to group that you can't get on your own. Even if 90% of DBT is you working on your own stuff. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6b6bpy", "comment_id": "dhkhloa"}, {"question": "Is there any way to increase EQ? Sometimes I wish people could be straightforward, but since they won't, I have to learn.", "description": "So, a couple separate incidents this week made me realize that, for all the understanding that I've made about aspies and the disorder, I still can't read between the lines. Both come from my mother, who as I said before doesn't recognize mental disorders at all. Because most of my friends know I have Aspies, they tend to treat my emotions with kid gloves (or my SO kicks my shin, which helps), so I appreciate it that my mother goes ballistic, even though it hurts like hell when she calls me a retarded child (I'm 26).\n\nI say I can't take a survey for my sister because I've never touched the product she's trying to survey on, I get chewed at being impolite to my sister. I go to help my aunt with her bag, my aunt says \"It's Okay\", so I back off, and I get yelled at for not being a gentleman.\n\nI feel that, since we don't exactly have a sign hanging around my neck that says \"AUTISTIC\", it's better to \"learn\" how other people think. People like us, it's \"If A then A\", but there's also B and C which may arise and which may cause problems because we don't see, and it gets interpreted as a lack of awareness or empathy. I know I'm failing miserably at my work and my family relationship because of this. It constantly feels like I'm being tested when I don't know I am, and when I forget about the scrutiny, that's when I fuck up.\n\nSo there must be a way to learn this right? There must be a way to learn empathy and see subtexts.", "answer": "I am an aspie who is currently in graduate school for clinical social work.  It is a profession that relies a lot on reading other people.  I have always wanted to be a counselor and when I was diagnosed with asperger's I was afraid I would never make the cut. \n\nI asked my diagnosing psychologist what she thought of me trying to become a licensed counselor or social worker and she said that, not only would i make a great counselor, but a counseling or social work graduate program would likely be the best possible training in social skills that an aspie could receive (better than social skills groups/training). \n\nI just finished a year long internship as a clinical social worker and I actually did a great job counseling folks. \n\nMy point is that you can absolutely learn better empathy and communication.  You can do it by actually reading about empathy and communication and listening skills, and then actively practicing what you learn.  \n\nI think the differences between aspies and NT's isn't that aspies can't learn social communication. It is that they have to make an effort to learn. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26f6a8", "comment_id": "chqgzxa"}, {"question": "Infidelity. Why?", "description": "I have recently found out that my husband has been having an affair with a colleague of both of ours.\nHe left our marriage and moved straight in with her. Leaving me and 2 children.\n\nHe has denied the affair saying that they only started dating after he had stayed with her for a week because he had nowhere else to go. \nHowever, I have discovered that when I surprised him with a trip away so he could see his friends he took his \"girlfriend\". Treated her to a nice meal. All paid for by me. \n\nHe states our marriage hasn't been good for ages. True enough we have had issues but I wanted to work at it because I love him. He, on the other hand, turned to another woman. She gave him attention etc when our marriage was tough. \n\nI feel so broken. My heart has been shredded into a million pieces. \n\nPart of me wanted him back until I found out that he has been very physical with my kids (usually when I was at work). \n\nNow, I need to accept that my marriage is over. He has been having an affair for months. Etc etc.\n\nIt's extremely difficult for me to sleep or eat or anything really. I analyse if I ever really knew the man I married. \n\nHow do we get over such betrayal as an affair? Especially when the spouse leaves to be with \"the other woman\"?\n\nI should hate him and move on, but he is all I think about. I am obsessing over this period in my life. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Eventually, you'll probably decide you'd rather be happy, rather than allow someone else's behavior ruin your life. \n\nBut right now you're still grieving and could use all the help you can get. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b8ru2", "comment_id": "dhkover"}, {"question": "I need an online counselor but I'm too young", "description": "I'm fed up with saying I can solve problems on my own, because it clearly isn't working. I know there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. I need to speak with a professional about it, but I can't without consent from a parent.\n\nI can't tell my parents about any of this because they still treat me like I'm a child. I'm turning 18 this year, but they're still gonna treat my mental state like it's something I'm making up or that it's just hormones. It's not, and I know it.\n\nLegally I'm supposed to get consent from an adult before I can do online counseling. I need help, but I don't know where to get it.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI personally don't recommend online therapy for your age group. It's quite different than in-person work and developmentally there are a lot of things that can be missed if your counseling relationship is solely through an online platform. Online therapy is good for certain types of specific mild concerns, social phobias, physical difficulties in transport to an office, or living in a rural area with few in-person options available. I would not start there if I were you.\n\nIf you are 17, are you still in high school? If so, your school may have some resources available to you that you can talk to a professional through without parents specifically knowing. It likely won't be a full counseling process, but you may be able to get a better idea of what's going on so that your next choices about treatment will be more informed.\n\nAlso, check your state laws: some states allow minors of a certain age to see a mental health professional for a certain number of sessions without parental consent if the concerns are grave enough to warrant it. In my state, for example, a minor age 13-17 can reach out to a designated agency/place/advocacy group to speak with a mental health professional without needing parental consent if it is due to a mental health crisis or acute substance use issue. What counts as either of those is defined by the minor. That might be a possible option for you as a very short term solution.\n\nI would encourage though, trying to have a more thorough discussion with your parents and see if they will at least entertain the idea. I've had some of my 17 year olds come in with parents just to sign the consent forms and then engage with me entirely on their own.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em1qzk", "comment_id": "fdlr33e"}, {"question": "I've fallen in-love [30 M] with my wife's [28F] former best friend [27 F]. It happened because i sought comfort in her after my wife insisted she needs an open relationship to be happy. It's complicated and I really need help how I should proceed.", "description": "I really don't want to make this long because I can ramble about this for hours.\n\nI'll give a brief background, my wife and I have been together for 9 years. She's the first girl I've ever had sex with, and 5th girl I kissed. Her friend, Ana, is actually my childhood friend, but we lost touch over the years until College when my wife met Ana at a party. \n\nAna is unusually gorgeous. She's super cute, sexy and has an adorable smart personality to match. However, she has a messed up childhood where she was abused, raped, looked down upon by all her relatives because her parents were poor. As such, she has a complex where she only dates super rich men to compensate for her inferiority complex.\n\nWhile my wife and Ana got close quick, within a 2 months they were each other's best friends. I noticed, Ana and I clicked as well. We got each other and could talk for hours and hours and never get tired. There was a strong mutual attraction but we never acted upon it.\n\nThe 3 of us were effectively best buds for years. Ana's boyfriends came and went, until she met the richest (and actually nicest guy) of them all. A guy easily worth 100M+. They got married, however it was around that time some friction developed between my wife and Ana.\n\nMy wife caught her in a number of lies, and she noticed Ana was ditching/cancelling on her to go to high-society events. Now, in Ana's defense, she told me it was very hard for her to get out of given her husband. And she couldn't tell my wife because my wife made a big deal previously about Ana changing and was no longer her fun carefree self. I saw both sides of their argument (leaned toward Ana's side honestly) and tried to reason with them.\n\nHowever, it didn't workout and they have't talked properly in years. Ana and I remained close however, my wife knew she was also my best friend and fortunately never tried to keep us apart. She trusted us.\n\nAnyway, that's the history. Now for the present.\n\nMy wife and I have an odd relationship. We're very different people personality wise, she's super confident and outgoing while I'm less so (but probably more so than the average guy). My wife is also a model and gets a lot attention. I say out relationship is odd because it seems, while we have great sexual chemistry...and i guess what i'd call cuddle chemistry, we don't have deep conversations like I did with Ana. I don't know why, because we're both very similar it's just we don't click well conversation wise. \n\nApparently though, that bothers my wife a lot and she over the last year, kept bringing up the possibility that we're too different to have a happy relationship. She said, she supresses those feelings because she feels so damn safe and attracted to me, but she can't help it. She said even though our sex life is great, it's not what she wants. She wants a confident man who'd dance (i don't dance well), seduce her and then give her some super rough sex. I like rough sex up to a point, I don't like the scraping, biting that my wife does.\n\nThere were times when she was adamant about wanting this, we'd agree to separate, but then as soon as she realized I'd pursue other women, she'd say she didn't wanna lose me and doesn't want anyone but me. This has happened 3 times in the last year, and when I take her back, she's the sweetest most loving and convincing thing ever. \n\nUp until last week, when she said she's 100% sure she wants an open relationship......because she tested the water, she went out dancing on her own (I assumed she was with friends) and realized she loved nothing more than seducing men in danceeclubs.\n\nSo that left me broken. And i spoke to Ana about it.\n\nAna, coincidentally got kicked out her husbands place the day before (which I had no clue). So we were both a bit sad/broken/distraught. We've literally be chatting non stop for a few days now.\n\nSo on Friday night we went out for drinks, and then went for a drive by the beach and lied down on her 200K mercedes (that her husband bought for her) and just watched the stars and talked for 3 hours. We could have stayed literally forever, it was so wonderful being with her.\n\nI then kissed her.......and it was the most romantic meaningful kiss of my life. We made out for a few mins but then stopped (well it was me who stopped it) and said we shouldn't go further as even though our marriages are falling apart, we shouldn't cheat (I kno we already did but still).\n\nAna's moving into a new place today and is begging me to move in with her.\n\nI don't know what I want. I don't want to jump into another relationship, and also not with Ana. I love the girl but she's a handful sometimes. \n\nMy wife is doing the back and forth thing where she's now apologizing for saying she wants other men and just wants me. To be Frank, I don't have it in my heart to want to be emotionally close to my wife given her indecisiveness. It messes with me more than I care to admit.\n\nAlso wrt to Ana, I do love her, but I also can't see us working well as a couple given her past boyfriends. I make 120k which is NOT rich compared to the lifestyle Ana had.\n\nAlso, Ana always tells me she doesn't have a high sex drive, i do. I'm used to sex 3-4 times a week with my wife. \n\nBut despite that, Ana and I have some real. She's dated far more people than i have and she said she only ever felt this way with me.\n\nMy wife doesn't know we kissed, but was pissed as hell at me for going out with Ana alone by the beach. She said it was totally inappropriate. And also said she's pretty sure I cheated on her or wanted too (I guess she knows us well enough), but we both denied it.\n\nWhat do you advise reddit? \n\nEnd my marriage? Stay friends or at least FWB with Ana (we're both ok with that too)? Do you think what I Ana and I have is real? I suspect it is but I haven't been in a new relationship for so long. Should I try with Ana? Should I try to work things out with my wife or is too late?\n  \n  ---   \n  **tl;dr**: \n\n- I have a huge crush on my wife's best friend of 7-8 years \n- She and my wife are no longer close but she allows us to be friends.\n- My wife over the last year has expressed dissatisfaction with out relationship and wants a open one. I don't want it and don't think I can handle it.\n- As of last week, my wife is 100% sure she wants to be open.\n- I've sort of fallen for her beautiful friend Ana, who is also my best friend too.\n- Ana just broke up with her husband (well he left her and kicked her out), which happened literally a day apart from me deciding to call it quits with my wife.\n- My wife still wants to try, however I'm fed up of being the nice guy who's always there, she changes her mind every so often especially when she think she can lose me.\n- I love Ana but something in me is afraid of getting into a relationship with her. It's either knowing her past with guys and feeling like I don't measure up. Or feeling like we work really well as friends and i don't wanna lose that. \n- However, we did kiss and it was amazing for both of us.", "answer": "Falling in love has almost nothing to do with successful relationships. \n\nYou all sound like children, which, at least for Ana, is consistent with her trauma history. \n\nPump the brakes until your life slows down. Go talk to a counselor.\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7yvl2n", "comment_id": "dujfevr"}, {"question": "Options for dealing with miserable (likely) dyshidrotic eczema?", "description": "[Photo](https://onicrafts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/20190726_122756.jpg)\n\n38 YOWM. 5'11, 165#. \n\nThis is on the right foot only. Tiny, fluid-filled vesicles all over the toes and foot that itch like mad. I've had it going on probably 15+ years, and lately it seems to be getting worse. Flare-ups once or twice weekly. The itch is so intense it's overwhelming. I often resort to using sandpaper to take skin off until it hurts instead of itches, because I can at least sleep with pain. The open spot on the little toe in the photo is due to scratching.\n\nI haven't seen a doctor for it yet, have tried lots of OTC creams to no avail. At its worst I've actually thought about amputating the toes, the itch is so bad (not that I would actually do that).\n\nI've read the common recommendation is to keep the feet moist; unfortunately, I'm also prone to athlete's foot, and I'm supposed to keep my feet *dry* to prevent that. So, I opted to go with the eczema, because at least that isn't contagious. I understand this condition is potentially lifelong without much for treatment or cures, but there's got to be *something*, it's getting worse and it's starting to interfere with daily life a lot.", "answer": "It sounds like it's time to see a doctor. Among other options, higher potency topical steroids could be helpful. There are also topical calcineurin inhibitors, which I know are used for eczema and are not as fast-acting but could prevent these outbreaks, potentially. A dermatologist would be the expert for this kind of thing, but primary care can get you started.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ci67uj", "comment_id": "ev1t6nm"}, {"question": "I [23/f] am a psychiatrist and think I have fallen in love with my patient [27/m].", "description": "Ever since I was assigned to this man, there was something about him that just intrigued me. He is totally fucking insane, maybe even  past the point of no return, but there is just something about him. Every time we interact he says all the right things and he always makes me blush, but his past is not something that can be ignored. I am thinking of how wonderful our lives would be if I helped him escape, but a small part of me is shouting at me telling me that this is wrong and my patient is a monster. What should I do in this situation??", "answer": "r/creativewriting might be a good place to channel your energy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "bbw17s", "comment_id": "eks2187"}, {"question": "Is she cheating? Am I overly worried or blinded by love?", "description": "So redittors, this is my first post on her. Heres the lowdown:\n\nWe've been married six years and seeing each other before that for eight. I've never had a reason to mistrust my wife and she has been extremely loyal and dedicated. \n\nI am currently working abroad (there is a time difference so I was getting up for work when all this went on) and the other night she went with her usual gang of mates... no one to suspect anything with there. So she gets in and missed skype calls me. Which is unusual, so i thought there might be a problem with the kids or something. So I ring back with no answer. A while goes by and I am worried in case she is in trouble.\n\nSo maybe the worst thing I've ever done I check find my iphone (its a shared account before you ask) to make sure she's not at hospital with the kids or something. The weird thing is at four o'clock in the morning her phone is now heading out of town along a main road. I watch it as it goes to a garage and then stops in a village.\n\nIts her new phone and I'm thinking that she's either had it stolen or left it in the taxi. So I ring the house phone and my daughter answers who says she's not there. This is now five in the morning. Now im mega concerned for her safety and generally what is going on. So I try ringing her and whatsapping her. To no response.\n\nI have to go and do some work so I keep an eye on it, but to be honest I was thinking of calling the police as i didn't know what had happened to her. \n\nThen at 0810 the phone starts moving again from that location, again follows roads at the right travel speeds and I follow it back to our house. Again I try ringing to see what was happening. I ring the house phone again and my daughter tells me my wife has just got in.\n\nMy wife then wont speak to me for most of the day, I speak to her best mate who says she dropped my wife off in a taxi at our house at three and has no idea what is going on.\n\nWhen I do speak to my wife she says she was at home, my daughter didn't see her as she had passed out in the ensuite and that she was up and about looking for her bank card that she lost as she was so drunk the night before and hadn't come home then.\n\nI've been away for Xmas and to be frank this has been shit. I've asked about it all but she just denies it and says nothing happened and she was at home the whole time. Not even an excuse like going to an after party. I also checked with apple to see if there can be such discrepancies and they have said no there can't be, which I pretty much thought, the way it was moving.\n\nI know looking from the outside it may seem pretty obvious what has happened, or am I jumping to conclusions? The facts show that her phone defo went to that location and stayed for three hours before returning home. And I think my daughter knows how my wife was dressed when she went out. Also if she was as drunk as she and her friends say she was there's no way she'd be getting up at 0830 to look for her bank card.\n\nI don't want to throw away 8 years and our family, but I really think something has happened. I'm back home in a few days and want to sort this out so it doesn't linger over us but she is just denying everything. Thoughts please guys and girls?", "answer": "you'll just have to talk it out when you get home", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfk6u", "comment_id": "dbnsdtx"}, {"question": "Adderrall for ADHD & Effexor for GAD; is this a bad idea?", "description": "Patient Info: Female. 28. 5\u20197\u201d. 160 lbs.\n\nDiagnosed: ADHD 2015. \n\nCurrent Meds/Dosage: Adderall IR 30mg 2x daily; multivitamin 1x daily; CBD oil as needed (non-THC)\n\nOther: Therapy 1x weekly for 6 months for postpartum anxiety; currently 9 months postpartum. \n\nAt my Therapist\u2019s recommendation, I saw my doctor to receive medication for anxiety since CBT alone has not been effective. My doctor is aware that I take Adderall & my dosage. When considering anxiety meds, he was initially leaning towards an SSRI, but I\u2019ve taken them before & they were ineffective. So he opted for an SNRI: Effexor; 37.5mg 1x daily. \n\nI did myself a frighten by googling Adderall & Effexor. Is the potential for serotonin syndrome really high? Also, I read the withdrawal side effects of Effexor are hell, which makes me nervous. \n\nI have a good relationship with my doctor. Should I be concerned about the Adderall & Effexor combo? Or am I just overreacting? Would something else work better for my anxiety symptoms that I can take with the Adderall?\n\nAny advice is appreciated. \n\nDisclaimer: I\u2019m also a doctor\u2019s wife, but I don\u2019t talk to him about my routine medical care generally. Please let me know if there are reactions I should be advising him to look out for in me taking both Adderall & Effexor.\n\nEdit: Format fix. Mobile is hard.", "answer": "That's not a combination that gives me concern for serotonin syndrome. It's not all that unusual to take Adderall with an SSRI/SNRI.\n\nEffexor discontinuation is more common and more unpleasant than many other antidepressant discontinuation syndromes; all the SNRIs have that problem. It can be done, but slowly.\n\nAt doses lower than 75 mg or so, Effexor really isn't an SNRI, though. It's just an SSRI. The norepinephrine reuptake inhibition only kicks in at higher doses. If it works, great; if it doesn't, it's not yet doing the thing you picked it for.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhvqy7", "comment_id": "elw8kx8"}, {"question": "Advice", "description": "I'm a 40 year old male who as met a 36 year old  woman who I really like, she's beautiful, funny and intelligent. We have had 4 dates so far but on the 4th date she told me she would still like us to see each other but only as friends and see if any romance develops. I'm not sure what to do, should I keep seeing her at the risk that something might not  happen or burn my bridges and move on. ", "answer": "She could be just being cautious. If no romance develops after say 10 dates, then that's the answer. I'd hang in for a little while. Much to gain, little to lose!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xspvr", "comment_id": "dmi6gcj"}, {"question": "When did YOU know that you had ADD/ADHD?", "description": "What I'm trying to ask is, when was it apparent for you that you were suffering from something?  Any defining moments or stories?", "answer": "There were multiple, multiple signs, but the big one was waiting until the day before a 40 page paper was due to start on it....", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "1081l0", "comment_id": "c6caug1"}, {"question": "Scared to talk to my doctor about my problem.", "description": "I'm under aged and I'm worried that if i tell my doctor about my depression / anxiety problem he'll think i'm just searching for pills. I've tried counselling and that did nothing for me. What should i do/say? I just want to get better.", "answer": "Considering that you can't get high from anti-depressants, it's unlikely that your doctor will think you're drug seeking", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "v3xqd", "comment_id": "c51r2a0"}, {"question": "When did you realize you had to work harder than everyone else?", "description": "For me, it was during my college years. I spent almost a year trying to learn social rules, going as far as designing personal theories and principles to understand how/why people thought and communicated in certain ways. It didn't occur to me that these ideas were automatically understood by NTS, and in some cases I still don't understand certain ways they communicate.\n\nAutism can be an uphill battle.", "answer": "I had a sense of it for most of my life, but didn\u2019t accept it until I was almost 30.  I got diagnosed shortly afterward. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "81z6se", "comment_id": "dv73y2s"}, {"question": "Medical records help... baby's blood type...drug test etc", "description": "21yr old female\nApproximately 120lbs\nApproximately 5'5\nSmoker and obvious drug user\nNo prescribed medication\n\nThe stats are of the mother who gave birth...but all my questions are about the baby's health....\n\nI have removed any identifying information (I believe- if I missed any please let me know)\n\nThe mother is A+ and if I am reading this right (I honestly don't know), the baby is AB-? Am I reading this correctly?  If so, what are the possible blood types of the father?\n\nBaby's blood type? Mom is A+.. dad would be??? https://imgur.com/a/uYATFNc\n\nThe second photo is testing of the baby's meconium. I would assume the best results would have been all 0's...but I don't know what these levels mean. I fully admit I have next to no knowledge of drugs and IANAD, But the one comes back from Google search as PCP!!! I didn't even think that still existed...so maybe it's something else?\n\nThis is being done for the welfare of the baby, and see what future problems she may have from the drugs...oh so many questions, so I would appreciate any insight.\n\nEdit: adding surrounding pages to the drug panel with identifying information covered/removed\n\nDrug tests...pgs 26-2", "answer": "Because you cut off the headings we can't tell what the columns are on the meconium drug panel. My guess is that the left is the cutoff for positive and the right is the detected value, so all of the labs on the baby are negative. That would agree with the \"infant UDS negative\" line in the report. I wouldn't read anything into having non-zeroes on the right if they're below the cutoff for positive, because the method of detection will quite possibly read non-zeroes into zeroes.\n\nBecause nothing is said about the baby's blood type in this report, just the mother's, it's possible for the baby and father to have any blood type. If the father isn't A or AB, the baby can't be AB or B, but we don't know.\n\nThere's no reason to expect any particular health problems for this baby. THC exposure might not be great, but it's not clearly terrible like alcohol, and we don't really know what it does.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5tbby", "comment_id": "ejfvbqy"}, {"question": "Prescription translation", "description": "Hello, so I know this is for restoril, but I'm wondering what's written under it and what it means. See link below! Thank you :)\n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/fse0v", "answer": "Quick question (sorry for hijacking the thread) - isn't there regulations in the US regarding prescriptions? Most of mine are electronically printed, but when I do write scripts I always use block capitals and no abbreviations. Honestly, im not sure any pharmacy in the UK would accept this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6emwan", "comment_id": "dibu4u2"}, {"question": "I [19m] and my gf [18/f] of two years agreed to open relationship.. Something [f/18] has come up, and I need advice.", "description": "Okay. So, my gf and I have known each other for about two years, and have been together for about a year and a half. When I left for college (she is a HS senior now, I am a college freshman), we had The Talk (TM) about where we were going. At that point, we loved each other a lot and we wanted to end up together. She proposed that we could try some sort of open relationship, and see how that worked out. \n\nMy gf was previously in an extremely emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that she broke off shortly before we became a thing. She has what seem to me to be symptoms of serious depression (insomnia, crying all the time, even sometimes when we're together even though she says she's happiest when she's with me), and recently she's told me that she doesn't feel like going on, that everyone would be better off without her. I've recognized that she needs help for almost a year now, and I've been pushing to get her into therapy. She recognizes that she needs help, but in any sort of serious conversation with anyone but me, and even sometimes with me, she bursts into tears. She is terrified of talking to people, she cannot talk on the phone, and she doesn't really have any close friends/support group outside of me. In addition, she has a younger brother who runs away all the time, smokes and drinks, etc etc, and he occupies center stage in the family (single mother). My gf's mother says she knows my gf needs therapy, and has called many therapy agencies, but it always ends the same way. They say they have assigned a therapist to my gf, that the therapist will call to set up an appointment within a week, but this call never comes. This has happened as far as I can tell four times at two different agencies.\n\nI know she needs help, I am terrified of hurting her further after all she's gone through in her life. Sometimes she seems okay (we talk over text, and I visit home to see her every other weekend) but other times she spirals and I just don't know what I can do to help her.\n\nNow to what's come up. We had talked extensively about open relationship stuff, especially me finding a fwb at college to take care of me sexually when we weren't together. My gf is also attracted to girls, so we talk a lot about me finding a \"third\" to bring back to her. A few nights ago, one of my friends came in from a party down the hall and said that this girl (who I've thought was attractive since I first saw her, and had kind of a crush on her) said that I was the \"hottest guy on the floor\". I mustered my not-being-an-awkward-piece-of-crap and went over to the party, talked to her a bit, got her number, and asked her over to watch a movie the following night. She had never done the relationship thing, I was the first person she ever made out with, etc, and it was amazing. There was alcohol involved but nothing happened until about two hours after the last drink. \n\nI explained my situation to her and she said she was open minded and okay with me being in an open relationship, as long as my gf was okay with it, and I showed her the text that said \"This is my formal confirmation that I am giving you permission for anything :P\". So we made out, cuddled, etc, pants stayed on, shirts came off.\n\nSo the girl down the hall does not know what she wants, she said definitely not a real relationship, which would be good as far as I can tell. She is still deciding what she wants. I told her \"Just know that I don't expect anything from you, and I would be fine with being just friends if that's what you decide, but I definitely enjoyed last night\", and she replied \"wow you're [sic] gf is so lucky [cryingHappyFaceEmoji]\" \"I'll let you know what I decide [smilingBlushFaceEmoji]\".\n\nThis was yesterday morning and I've been compulsively checking my phone for a text from her. \n\nMy gf and I had a long, tough conversation around the same time, over text, which basically came down to she feels useless and that everyone would be better off without her. I didn't know what to say, so I tried to comfort her, and we ended up deciding to step our relationship down a notch to some sort of close-friends-who-care-about-each-other-and-also-still-love-each-other-although-she-probably-needs-and-wants-me-more-than-I-need-and-want-her with benefits. I'm not going to say it was an entirely mutual decision, we arrived at that unspoken point in the conversation if that makes any sense, she voiced it, I took some time to think about it, and ultimately said that I thought that might be best for right now.\n\nI think there is a large chance I am making or have already made a huge mistake that has the potential to destroy my relationship with my gf (which has been suffering because I am her only support group, it's a lot of pressure, ldr, things get kind of stale, etc.). Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. The thing is, the girl down the hall is amazing, she's really cute, and she's new and exciting and I can't stop thinking about her.\n\nI don't know if I just needed to vent, but any advice would be welcomed. There's... a lot that I've left out in the interest of keeping this a manageable length, but I think what I have written includes the most important details. If there's any other relevant information that would help, I'd be glad to add.\n\nSorry for the long post, if you've made it this far you deserve a thumbs up and a firm handshake.", "answer": "open relationships seldom work.  monogamy is too ingrained in our culture and psychological upbringing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s6wy", "comment_id": "dfgu6zh"}, {"question": "Mother drinking secretively. Should I tell my father?", "description": "I would very much appreciate some advice. Approx. 5 years ago I noticed that my mother was drinking secretively and I spoke to her about it. She said this was true and that she would stop. I didn't tell anyone else other than my partner. The process of me noticing the secret drinking, mentioning it to her and her saying she will stop has repeated about five times since.\n\nI quite recently told my sister, though my mother asking me not to do so. My sister has spoken to her about it, having found a few empty booze bottles hidden. My sister and I recently spoke to her together over the phone and we said she needed to tell my father or we would do it. She's refusing, giving a lot of excuses but none that seem any good to me (she thinks it will damage the relationship, he will feel so upset and guilty, things are so good with the two of them and this will spoil it, the secret drinking is in the past as she definitely won't do any more as our speaking to her like this has been a big deal and she and hasn't drunk secretively for four months and will only drink once a week and never secretively...).\n\nShe's desperate for us not to tell him and wants me to trust her that she's stopped. The situation is complicated by the fact that I live at the other side of the country and cannot tell how much she has really changed her behavior or if she has just altered it on the occasions when she's with me. I don't know what to do. I've seen her getting a bit drunk in a sad, angry way during public drinking too. I haven't seen this for several years, but I spend so little time with her in person that this doesn't tell me much.\n\nShe is literally begging me not to tell and I do think it's possible that my sister and I making a big deal out of it and threatening to tell my father has shocked her, and she may stop it. But it's so hard for me to monitor if she is doing it, I don't know how much of problem she has and if I'm enabling it and making it worse by keeping the secret or actually if it's not much of a problem, and I don't like keeping this secret from my father. I have no idea if she's an alcoholic. Is she asking me to keep a secret in a way that would be weird for most families? What's normal? Is it important that I tell my father? Thanks.\n\nedit: Things people have said I should address in this post: \n\nMy Dad is not against alcohol and drinks it.\n\nAs far as I know,she has not in the past been found to be an alcoholic - but IDK.\n\nAs far as I know, this habit is not damaging her financially.\n\nThe reasons she wants to hide it are imo: she uses it as a way of controlling unpleasant emotions - she says this is the case. She doesn't tend to share these emotions and reaching out for support - I think she has a low sense of self-worth and often doesn't believe how much people love her and how much it is fine for her to ask for support. She's instinctively scared of showing these emotions. She also feels my dad has been practically and emotionally unavailable, particularly in the past, so this way she has 'sorted out the emotions' without involving him. She likes to present an image that she is just fine so drinks in secret. She is secretive about other things too eg problems in her life.\n\nIf she is an alcoholic, I think she is a 'functioning' one.", "answer": "I'd be inclined to say something. Id rather alcohol dependant individuals recognised the consequences of their actions and subsequently think about changing their behaviours than becoming complacent and dying of all sorts of hideous complications.\n\nEdit: im an addictions psychiatrist. This is a women who should be in my services.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5245mt", "comment_id": "d7h8skl"}, {"question": "What's the most ignorant thing you've been told?", "description": "friends find out i take adderall and think i'm lucky.\n\ni mean sure, if you think being tired all day and being unable to maintain focus on one thing is considered lucky.\n\nedit: spelling", "answer": "Not super ignorant, just lacking information, but \"doesn't ritalin really affect your sleep?\" \n\nYes. If I take it too late it does. But ya know what? I'd rather take it late and not get divorced or lose my child than have a good night's sleep. Haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bl7spu", "comment_id": "emmh1vz"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel like they missed their opportunity to go a little wild as a young adult?", "description": "I basically always followed the rules throughout high school, college, and am now struggling with this in grad school. I never partied and now I'd like to but am just not in the right place in my life for it. I didn't experience other relationships (just, like, three hook ups) before my now-fiance, though I love him to death and would never trade him for anything. I just feel like I missed out on so many opportunities to learn about myself and go a little crazy. \n\nDoes anyone else ever feel this way? What do you tell yourself? \n\nObviously I can't get this time back but I have so many regrets and it feels like this missed opportunity has impacted who I am now in negative ways, like not being able to relate to other people's experiences and stories and maybe even hindering my own ability to make friends.", "answer": "You can't get the time back, but for many of these things, that doesn't mean you can't still have some phase of your life that you go through that or some aspect.  \n\n\nYou're in grad school, you're engaged, but you're not dead.  \n\n\nIf you want to drink, experiment with drugs, go to clubs, go on some crazy road trips, etc. (whatever it means to you to \"go a little wild\") you can still do it.  There's nobody stopping you but yourself.  \n\n\nAs far as hookups go.  Well, you may have to decide on whether your current relationship and engagement is worth giving up the chance for that (unless of course a conversation can be had about having an open/poly relationship).  If it is, then that's something you've missed out on in life, but you also got the chance to experience what is hopefully a loving, secure, and meaningful partnership which many folks NEVER get to experience.  \n\n\nAll in all, I like just about anyone, have plenty of regrets (usually centered around things I wish I would have done but didn't).  When those thoughts start to really bother me, I look at my life and myself right now.  Overall, I'm happy with my life, my self, and my relationships.  Had a single thing changed in my past, it's likely I wouldn't be in the same position I am right now.  Would it be better?  Maybe.  Would it be worse?  Maybe.  I don't know and have no way of ever knowing.  What I do know is that I'm happy and okay with the way things are right now and every action, inaction, and choice led me to where I am.  That helps me be content despite feeling some regret every now and then.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cjutmp", "comment_id": "evgzdp0"}, {"question": "Is it addiction if its dumb and doesn\u2019t hurt me?", "description": "Can something be described as an addiction if it doesn\u2019t hurt me? To describe this, I haven\u2019t gone a day since 4th grade where I went in public without makeup. I am a junior now. Even to the pool, I have to wear makeup. In 4th grade, I started to get acne. My mom started to tell me to put concealer on it because it looked bad and I was being made fun of for it (people would count how many pimples I had, called me pimple face, etc.) Ever since then, I have never gone a day without acne and therefore makeup. The makeup doesn\u2019t cause my acne as it\u2019s hormonal and I do go days without makeup. I\u2019m on birth control but it is not helping. On the days I don\u2019t wear makeup, I feel extremely ugly and cannot look at myself and feel even okay about it. However, once I put makeup on, I feel amazing and beautiful. I have tried to wean myself off of makeup but I get extreme anxiety and other people confirm that I look like im having a bad skin day or no sleep on the days with less makeup. Is it an addiction or something else?", "answer": "Not an addiction in the traditional sense. Not even problematic that you enjoy wearing makeup/wear it every day, etc. I guess the only problems you would face by wearing makeup is that it could slow you down getting out of the house, or might prevent you from doing fun things (i.e. swimming, sweaty sports). Don't know how old you are or what else you've tried for acne, but you might ask your doctor about Accutane. It was the only thing that worked for my hormonal (adult-onset) acne.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "6lnn5z", "comment_id": "djv77c9"}, {"question": "Having trouble defining a higher power as a nonbeliver.", "description": "Working on \"Improve the Moment\" this week and while discussing the Prayer part of improve it was mentioned that we should \"hand it over to a higher power\" This phrase has come up infrequently before, just in passing rather than anything we went into on any deeper level. \n\nWhen the discussion of non believers came up today it was suggested that the therapy group itself could serve as the higher power for those who do not believe in a divine power. \n\nThis suggestion isn't sitting right with me. If I'm worried about something instead of \"Let go and let God\" that I \"Let go and let Group\"? I just don't get how this could evoke any feeling of relief or release as it would for those who believe they are handing it to an entity that created existence with the power to answer prayer as opposed to a bunch of people who have struggled through life the same as I do. \n\nI'm wondering if any one else has any other suggestions from a agnostic/atheistic viewpoint? ", "answer": "As a fellow athiest, my belief in a higher power comes through when I consider the inner-connected web of beings that exist within the universe, which often fills me with great awe and purpose, similar to what I imagine religious folks feel about \"God.\"", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "91sdz3", "comment_id": "e31ol92"}, {"question": "Is/are there vitamin supplements I can take to help reduce dark circles under my eyes?", "description": "I (23F) have terrible circles under my eyes 100% of the time and it makes me look both way older than I am and like I lost a fight against a boxing kangaroo, and while I understand general health can contribute to these circles/bags, is there a vitamin I can take (or several?) to help reduce these bags and brighten up the skin around my eyes? I don\u2019t use makeup and this anti-aging cream doesn\u2019t really work. \n\nI can admit that I\u2019m definitely deficient in most vitamins and I do want to change that but I was wondering if there\u2019s a particular vitamin I could take to help them.", "answer": "I don\u2019t believe that dark circles are associated with any nutritional causes or deficiencies. They are more associated with poor sleep, atopy (particularly allergic rhinitis and eczema), and a few other dermatological problems.\n\nA \u201cbad diet\u201d in first world countries rarely leads to nutritional deficiencies requiring vitamin supplementation. Most of the belief in that is advertising hype from vitamin sellers. There\u2019s no evidence that they\u2019re helpful and a little bit that they\u2019re harmful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "il9ulz", "comment_id": "g3r18aw"}, {"question": "Back to day 1 on this Monday", "description": "I caved because I just wasn't feeling good about myself, now I feel even worse. Instead of just saying \"oh well, I already messed up, just keep going,\" I am starting on day 1 again. Time to work on building my confidence so I don't feel the need to rely on alcohol to get me through rough times. IWNDWYT!", "answer": "I like the difference between a lapse and a relapse...the lapse stops when you catch it and start again. Much more hopefull. Best wishes everyone. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8s06vo", "comment_id": "e0vkttm"}, {"question": "Coumadin and Lexapro - please explain the mechanics of the increased bleeding risk. Is it only based around PT/INR?", "description": "Hi there.  I'm on Coumadin and I was prescribed Lexapro for crippling anxiety (which leads to depression). I've read that there is an increased bleeding risk.  What I'm trying to figure out is this:  Is the bleeding risk ONLY because the medicines can make the INR go higher?  Or are there some other undetectable factors (like risk of developing ulcers/stroke/whatever)?\n\nWhat I'm getting at is that if there is no considerable danger to me as long as I stay on top of keeping my Coumadin and INR within my target range, then I'm fine with that.  But if there are other bleeding risks that won't affect (or show up) my INR - just underlying things I won't or can't know about, then I'm going to have a really hard time trying to talk myself into starting the Lexapro.\n\nThanks for reading and I'm very much looking forward to responses - and hopefully a little bit of hope because things are bad right now.", "answer": "SSRIs like Lexapro do not significantly directly increase INR. There are a couple of indirect interactions.\n\nOne is that SSRIs inherently inhibit platelet function, which in turn creates at least theoretical risk of bleeding. The other is that many SSRIs can alter the cytochrome P450 enzyme family which is responsible for metabolizing warfarin, which in turn can make it more or less effective and therefore raise or lower INR.\n\nLexapro and Celexa are two of the more recommended SSRIs to combine with warfarin because of the relatively little cytochrome P450 interaction. There's more bleeding risk if your INR is already elevated, but probably not a clinically significant effect if you have a therapeutic INR.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92gtdt", "comment_id": "e35n8fg"}, {"question": "Vanity as an incentive... I'll take it", "description": "I'm a 50F, and all my life, I've never focused much on my outward appearance. Some would call me \"low-maintenance.\" \n\nI drank regularly my whole adult life, and really amped it up in my 40s. I was a chronic daily drinker and suffered daily hangovers. They became my norm. But since I quit drinking a few months ago, I also improved my diet and exercise, as well as general hygiene habits that fell by the wayside when I was drinking. Now I do meditation, have a better outlook, more confidence, and so on. \n\nIn the past month, people have been commenting positively on my appearance. A 20-something asked me about my workout routine after noticing my \"cut\" arms (I had to figure out what that meant--it means I have muscle definition in my arms). I ran into a man I dated in my teens, and my sister later said, \"I bet it was nice to see him after all these years with how good you look now.\" My aunt has told me I don't look 50. And this past weekend, I was in a new environment, and 3 strangers said I was \"pretty.\" Me--pretty!\n\nThe internal improvements I've made since quitting alcohol have been worth every ounce of effort. I'm healthier, have more energy, and feel more content and peaceful. And knowing that I have overcome a burden that has plagued me most of my adult life has given me a real momentum now that I'm 50. I feel like my life has more hope and I'm not afraid of aging anymore.\n\nAnd at a time when many women my age are fearing losing their looks, my outward appearance is improving. Damn, people... I'm pretty! So another reason not to drink is for vanity, and I'll take it.", "answer": "Vanity is as good as any. Enjoy the compliments, you've earned them. Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cg215p", "comment_id": "eue9prc"}, {"question": "How to not be seen as a sexual object, or be seen as MORE than that", "description": "I have been single forever and I think my biggest obstacle, aside from the non-committal city I live in, is the fact that I think I'm solely being seen as a sexual object.  I suspect this is because, while I am in shape, I am naturally curvy with a very tiny waist.  I also have more of a sensual looking face.\n\nI have a great career, I am very intellectual and love books, lots of hobbies that have nothing to do with looks, and I steer the conversation away from sexual topics.  Unfortunately, I still feel like its not enough because whatever I do, I am still seen as a sexual object and used for sex when I'd like to have an actual relationship.\n\nI don't wear anything suggestive, although I do have to wear form-fitting clothing or I look sloppy and overweight just because I am curvy at the top and bottom. I don't wear a lot of makeup.  I'm thinking about wearing my hair up on dates from now on.  Maybe wearing pearl earrings or something that can subconsciously implant the stereotype of \"classy\" into their brain.\n\nWhat else can I really do different?", "answer": "you can't control what other people think. like any woman who wants a ltr, you have to filter out the fwb guys.   the whole world objectifies women, including many women  (53% of white women voted for a man who bragged about committing a felony!!!).     you can select who you relate to. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1jbg", "comment_id": "dcfwtrc"}, {"question": "epinephrine during pregnancy", "description": "I recently had a mole on my knee removed and the doctor used lidocaine with epinephrine. I just found out today that there is a risk associated with using epinephrine during pregnancy so needless to say I am pretty upset. At the time I was 11 weeks + 5 days pregnant and I am now 12 weeks + 6 days. I called my OBGYN office but its the end of the day and they aren't likely to get back to me before the weekend. How risky was this?\n", "answer": "Very low risk. The epinephrine is mixed with lidocaine to cause blood vessels to constrict so the lidocaine (and epinephrine) stay in the area and provide numbness. The point is to keep medications out of your blood and in the local tissue. The amount that ends up distributed to any organs relevant to pregnancy is tiny.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a20sa", "comment_id": "e4s4wbt"}, {"question": "I need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "I am a huge fucking mistake. A big one. I h have a GED and no college degree. I am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.\n\nI recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. The pay, the people, everything. They treat me like shit which I deserve because I am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. I cry every night over this job. \n\nNow for my boyfriend and I and this is where the no judgement part comes in. We have been together for 2 years. I love him so much. But last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. I have severe social anxiety and I knew it wouldn't be good if I went. He had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. I ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. We talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. I am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. I am trying to be social and do more things for him. I am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. I need opinions on this.\n\nI know I sound messed up I was abused and cheated on. I am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a bad place. I feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSounds like you've been through a lot in your life. I'm glad that you are seeing someone IRL. You are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone. \n\nOne strength that I am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! Mad props to you. You have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. That takes guts.\n\nI would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? That would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. It becomes like a vicious cycle.\n\nYou have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. You are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.\n\nBut first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. Yea, that's easier said than done. Yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. Your counselor can help you out with that. Finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which I bet you are silently screaming for. \n\nThat's when the real work will start. Keep up keeping up for now. \n\nBest of luck to you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "d78iejz"}, {"question": "Feeling guilty for burdening my therapist.", "description": "  **I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?**   \n\n   Today at therapy I told my therapist how suicidal I have been lately and that I was scared and hopeless. She doesn't want to send me to the hospital but she doesn't want me to kill myself either. We are meeting again on Friday, but I am suppose to call her if I am feeling terrible.\n\n    I know I scared her and worried her, and that I am being stubborn and impatient. \n\n   Don't tell me \"it's her job\" to care because that will make me feel worse. I feel like I should \"pretend\" to get better just to make her stop worrying, and separate myself from her. She is so important to me that it is pathetic. I should not bring her down.\n\n**I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?**", "answer": "People don't go into helping professions, like being a therapist, if they didn't care about people. Yes, its her job and she is getting paid to listen and to help you- but if she didn't care about people, she most likely wouldn't like her job. And if she didn't like her job, she probably would have found another.\n\nIf you are feeling worse, or suicidal *please* tell her. Don't feel guilty at all for them. Trust me (I work in a counseling setting) you're not overwhelming her.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sehva", "comment_id": "c4de2ir"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d\n\nthat isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a REASON for that.\n\n idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be Over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "I just watched Miss Congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and Gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. That hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 I watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.\n\nPSA: It\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "g5t2qzy"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have moments when you are talking, and you notice no one is paying attention, so you don\u2019t know whether to stop or finish the thought?", "description": "I seem to have this problem often, usually when I think something is funny. Sometimes, I\u2019ll be on a roll with people because they\u2019re laughing back, but then I feel like I\u2019ll try too hard to get their attention and it leads to awkward moments for me.\n\nDoes anyone else struggle with this? Also, does anyone have any tips on how to speak only when necessary? And by that, I mean speaking only when you have something meaningful to say, not just to occupy silence.\n\nEdit: I didn\u2019t think this would blow up, nor did I think it would be a problem a lot of people have. Thanks for all the advice everyone, and feel free to contribute still.", "answer": "I used to do that but then I learned to modulate my delivery based on my listeners expression. Their interest is expressed in their face and especially their eyes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7axc14", "comment_id": "dpf6kj7"}, {"question": "So there's this girl...", "description": "Hey there, first time posting here and i wanted to ask for some advice, so I'm an introvert and i dont know how to introduce myself to new people, i have friends and stuff, and i can talk with people once they start talking with me. But lately I've been noticing this girl in my highschool that sits alone everyday at lunch,  i know people from her class and they say she is really quiet, it seems they made her aside, and i figured... Maybe she is just like me you know?, sooo... Any tips on how can i introduce myself? I've seen her at anime/comic conventions before too, so we have stuff in common to talk about.\nBut i really just dont know how to start talking to somebody out of the blue,\nAlso sorry if there are typos, i speak Spanish", "answer": "The easiest way to feel more comfortable initiating contact is to make it a point to just regularly greeting her and anyone else for the matter when you see her and she makes eye contact.  Just a simple \"good morning\" \"hello\".  \n\n\nAfter you've gotten used to this it'll be much easier when you see her sitting alone to just ask her if she minds if you sit with her.  From that point on it's pretty simple, simple questions \"How's your day going?\"  \"Hey I think I saw you at (convention).  Are you into that kind of stuff?  Me too!\"\n\nI'd stay waaaaaaay clear of commenting on how she looks or looked at the convention.  Especially when first starting to talk.  \n\n\nP.S.  Your English is better than half of the high school kids I see on here who speak it as a native language. Just start capitalizing your \"I\" when referring to yourself.  :-D", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "acjm3a", "comment_id": "ed8kwpi"}, {"question": "Is he the one?", "description": "I met this guy last year. We bonded over a very similar backstory. We both developed feelings, but he's not able to make amends with his past. We tried, but he wasn't able to do so, and we are not together. But I've never met anyone like him. I know everyone says that, but he understands who I am completely, and I know him better than anyone in the world. Our chemistry is immaculate and quite the envy of my friends. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the love of my life, but I've been told that is silly and there's no way I could know that or that since he's not able to make amends with his past, it isn't \"meant to be.\" I'm uncertain as to what to do. ", "answer": "One would imagine that eventually he will make amends with his past, but it's hard to know how long that will take. So you have to decide what kind of friend you want to be with him, and also decide how patient you might want to be with his inner process. I'm not a big fan of the phrase \"meant to be\". I think the two of you simply have to define what your friendship is going to be moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qdwhn", "comment_id": "dcygacv"}, {"question": "My therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  I miss her so badly right now.", "description": "It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  She changed my life.  She helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  Whenever I'm stuck or falling into old traps, I think about what she would have told me.  \n\nI'm doing so much better; I really am.  But all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time I stop to think about how well I'm doing or I find a reason to be proud of myself, all I want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.\n\nI want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  I want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  At the memorial service, her husband told me, \"She always said her children were her legacy, and I like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  Just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"\n\nI've never lost anyone close to me before.  Ironically, losing a loved one was something I thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person I loved to pass away.  And it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "Yup.  Losing people sucks.  I like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.\n\nYou say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.\n\nIt'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  You won't \"get over\" it.  And you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.\n\nI lost my mom, to whom I was very close, when I was 21.  That was 29 years ago.  I still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "c84k2iq"}, {"question": "Help me please", "description": "I have adhd autism anxiety and body dysphoria  I'm on vyvvance  and zoloft but I've been having other symptoms  idk if they are side affects or what but I've been having insomnia, fatigue, mood swings, irritable, empty feeling, dizziness, headaches, fastening pulse, twitches, urges to rule my eyes and move basically any other body part, shakiness, cold sweats without fever, constantly thirsty,  the urge to bite, cut, and scratch myself,  acne, fidgety, red dots on feet are not itchy and don't hurt, eczema, asthma attacks come on faster, spacing out for minutes at a time,  \n\nIf this has any relevance I recently  stopped  cutting and started seeing a therapist I also have what I think is a melanoma  on my back.  I also have no sense of no you shouldn't/ shouldn't have done/do that also the emptiness is on and off one day I will be empty the next day  I could be fine or I could  be empty  again pls pm me if u have any idea  of what's going on I also recently  developed  a stutter\nI am a masochist and a sadist, I feel like most of my friends are gonna abandon me and I have been told that I am toxic by a bff of three years, I have been emotionally and sexually abused by online \"friends\" I have never knew my grandfather  and I have been emotionally abused by irl friends, whenever I ruin a relationship  I feel nothing not empty just nothing. My crush is going through things rn and I can't  stand to see her in pain. But she is going to abandon me like everyone else and I just know it. I have also been hearing whispers I think my friends are talking shit behind  my back, I'm mentally and physically  falling apart", "answer": "That sounds incredibly stressful.  I would advise you see your prescribing doctor as soon as possible. What you\u2019re describing are listed as \u201cserious side effects\u201d of vyvanse and doing a quick search Zoloft and vyvanse are listed as being two that can have interactions.  [source](https://www.drugs.com/vyvanse.html)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ff66j2", "comment_id": "fjwt0xp"}, {"question": "How much were you aware of your productive hyperfocus before you knew you had ADHD, especially for late diagnoses?", "description": "I used to be able to feel like I had something, another gear to me. I kept trying to find ways to synthesize it.", "answer": "I was very aware.  I used to think it just had to do with anxiety and lack of motivation.  One of my professor's used to say to me \n\n\n\"You're such an incredible student, but you won't get any work done until you have a gun to your head (referring to hard deadlines without any chance of catching a break).  Then you do great work, but you never give yourself enough time to edit.\"\n\n\nI figured out how to harness it, but it was basically self-medication with a ton of coffee and cigarettes.  Now, I can get in these hyperfocus states when needed fairly easily just by taking my meds.  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at7n8v", "comment_id": "egze90k"}, {"question": "Is saying \"I'm sorry my opinions offended you\" the same as \"I'm sorry you were offended by my opinion\"", "description": "To me, these are very different. To me the first one seems like a genuine apology, for hurting someone's feelings, while the second one is saying that the other person is overreacting about what person A said. However I can understand that both may be seen as offensive statements and I wanted to get reddit's opinion on the matter. I ask because I don't think people should apologize for having a certain belief, but they should apologize if they hurt someone's feelings. What do you think?", "answer": "I really don't like either of these.  I agree with what you said in that if you care about someone, it's important to acknowledge that you hurt their feelings and apologize if you actually are sorry that you did it.  I also agree that you don't have to apologize for having a different opinion or even an opinion that offends someone.  \n\n\n\nWhile it may not be the speaker's intent, they both read like \"I'm sorry you're upset but I believe what I believe.\"  While this may truly be the case, if you're sincere in feeling sorry that you hurt the other person's feelings, what purpose is there in adding this?\n\n\nCouldn't you simply say \"I'm sorry that I offended you.  That wasn't my intent.\"  \n\n\nIf it wasn't so much your opinion but the delivery that caused the issue and you wish you had delivered your opinion differently, you can be specific about that.  \"When I was talking about ______ I'm guessing I came across too harsh and I'm sorry if it was too much.\"\n\n\nOr lastly,\n\n\nSome opinions really are better kept to yourself.  It doesn't make you wrong for having the opinion, but given your relationship with the person it might not have been appropriate to express it at all.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "937fjo", "comment_id": "e3b7ijq"}, {"question": "I\u2019m scared to do online psych sessions", "description": "I was making good progress with my psych before this whole pandemic happened. Since we\u2019re been on lockdown/quarantine, they only offer online sessions. Their guidelines say it will be 100% confidential and no recording will be done. But it\u2019ll be done via Skype.\n\nI read some articles that say \u201cSkype doesn\u2019t use end-to-end encryption at all. That means every message, call, and file can be viewed by Microsoft.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m just really scared that things will get leaked regardless of the video conference software we use. Idk what to do because I know I really need to get counseling but I\u2019m really scared to do it online.\n\nIs this an irrational fear or am I just avoiding counseling because I\u2019m too tired to talk about my trauma???\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapist here. Skype is definitely not secure, and you absolutely have a right to have your therapy sessions being done in a confidential method. It should be fairly easy to use a HIPAA-compliant platform like [doxy.me](https://doxy.me), the healthcare version of zoom, or SimplePractice. You could simply email your psych and say \"hey, I'm not comfortable meeting over Skype- can you use a HIPAA-compliant platform?\"\n\nAlso, it could be that they're using \"Skype\" as a generic term for video chat, kinda like some people say \"Kleenex\" to describe all tissues. Either way, a simple email would clear things up!", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "hkgrxo", "comment_id": "fwu57wq"}, {"question": "Set slight intentional tremor", "description": "Recently my wife noticed, and then I noticed, that I seem to have a slight intentional tremor in only my right hand when I do something like eat soap with a spoon or place a screwdriver on the head of a screw. It\u2019s barely noticeable but it\u2019s there. I don\u2019t have any other symptoms that I have noticed. Any idea what this could be and if I should be concerned. \n\nMale\nJust turned 44\n6\u20194\u201d\n208 lbs", "answer": ">eat soap with a spoon\n\nMy first recommendation is to stop eating soap. It's not good for you. And it's definitely a fork food.\n\nEveryone has a little bit of physiological tremor both and rest and with movement. It's part of how we're built. If this seems new or is causing problems for you, talk with your doctor (and likely get a referral to a neurologist). Otherwise you're probably just noticing one of the quirks of human biology.\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4qjl9", "comment_id": "ebgsgd9"}, {"question": "Camhs in the uk was the worst", "description": "I was really depressed 2 years ago (I was about 14 then) and truly needed help. I got referred to a counsellor and they didn't even care about my problems. I literally broke down a few times in the counselling sessions and the counsellor witnessed it and ignored it. I told the counsellor I had awful social anxiety to the point I couldn't get out of the car and the counsellor just said,'I guess you can stand outside the car next time', without even trying to emphasise. Is that it?\n\nI'm not saying everyone there is like this at all, I'm saying that this one time, this one person was dealing with a vulnerable kid and didn't do their job properly. I'm just confused about why someone would choose a job like that and not actually do their job to at least help or comfort someone in the slightest. I imagine people like me not having someone to listen to them about their problems and just get annoyed because it's their job to offer solutions to the problem. It was a waste of time going to all those sessions looking back at it.", "answer": "I actually think CAMHS needs a massive overhaul - turn it into a 0-25 service amongst other things, but it's such a massive task to provide support for younger people through schools, GPs, and in hospitals...\n\n... It'll only get better. Sorry you had a shit time though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dai8yt", "comment_id": "f1qk4ne"}, {"question": "Are therapists required to break confidentiality over abuse that happened 3 years ago? (I\u2019m a minor)", "description": "This may seem like a stupid question to ask, I know. I\u2019m 14 and I\u2019ve been through abuse when I was in middle school. (3 years ago) I\u2019ve never told anyone I personally know before, and don\u2019t want to tell my mom. If I were to tell a therapist about my history of abuse, by law, would they have to break confidentiality to my mom or anyone else? I\u2019m extremely paranoid about this and just want to know what\u2019ll happen beforehand so I can decide if I really do want to talk to a therapist about it. ", "answer": "You could always ask your therapist about the limits of confidentiality regarding abuse.  We generally discuss it in first sessions and answer any questions for clients.  If they haven't or you've forgotten what they initially told you, ask again.  This sort of thing differs slightly from state to state so it's hard to give an answer.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6waor", "comment_id": "ecnuo17"}, {"question": "I stand in the shower for too long before I actually begin showering, and I lie in bed for half hour before getting dressed.", "description": "Hi, I feel like this is my first post here but I don't remember because I've been having some memory problems. I have a final soon but I've done nothing for the entire semester. It's the most unlike-me thing ever. Everytime I try to study, I keep lying down in bed, and starring at my wall (but not actually focusing on it).. with a blank mind filled with worry. I do everything slower - write, type, read, speak, eat... \n\nI can't make myself get out of bed before midday, and I go to sleep at 4am every night to avoid interaction. I don't want to leave my house ever. If I could hide myself in a rock forever, I really would. Then, I feel guilty, because I'm doing so little each day, whilst everyone else works so hard, and do so many things. If I can't manage the energy to take a shower without taking like.. 45mins of rest in between, how is life gonna work for me...\n\nI've never failed a course in my area before. I've never gotten below a B-grade in my area before. This is so unlike me. No matter what I do...\n\nMy parents are against medication. I've never taken any kind of anti-depressant. This started about 7 months ago. I feel terrible each day. Every smile is fake. Every action makes my mind trail off.. ", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time! It sounds like your symptoms are typical of Major Depressive Disorder, which is a serious illness. Fortunately there are a few things you can do to make things better without therapy or medication (both of which I would recommend). Eat well, avoid caffeine, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Take things one step at a time, and don't blame yourself when something doesn't go as planned. Most of all, take care of yourself first and foremost. \n\nI didn't catch your age, but your mention of your parents being against medication leads me to believe you are a teenager. If you are over 18, forget whatever your parents told you. You should be talking to a doctor about medications. I would recommend you also ask to see a therapist as soon as possible. If you are in high school and your parents won't help, ask to see your school counselor. If you are in college, most universities have a counseling center on campus. \n\nLet me know how things go for you! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3e3807", "comment_id": "ctcabjh"}, {"question": "Did I (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was I sexually assaulted?", "description": "My boyfriend (17/m) and I had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. There was nothing about him I disliked and I really enjoyed being in this relationship with him. \n\nI went to a party with a group of friends, thinking I knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so I was in a safe space. This resulted in me drinking way more than I could handle (which is completely my fault, I didn't know my limits and I take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. A guy I went to school with when I was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. I don't really remember anything else from the night. Two of my friends and I left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I'd ever had, and was sick all morning. One of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy I mentioned earlier. I was so shocked, especially because I genuinely had no memory of it, and I was absolutely against cheating. I asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but I didn't respond to her when she asked what I was doing. Another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak. \n\nI told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because I was so scared of what his reaction would be. He ended up dumping me, saying that I had cheated on him and that I 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. I explained to him that I had no memory of it, that I didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state I was in, and that I was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. I'm so upset, because I don't see this as me cheating on him, I see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. He's now gone and told his friends that I cheated on him, which has spread around my school. Is he correct in saying that I'm to blame? I know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'? \n\ntl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did I get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse--  it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "dd6qtxx"}, {"question": "STI in monogamous (?) relationship", "description": " I've been with my partner since October of 2015. In January 2016, I got an IUD, so we both got tested for STI's before I got it put in. Both our tests came back negative. At one point in our relationship, certain positions during sex would hurt, but I attributed this to me being tiny, him being overzealous, and a hip injury that I sustained in late 2016 from biking. In August of this year, I was having unbearable PID-like symptons. Other than pain, the gynecologist said everything looked normal, but then my chlamydia test came back positive. I know I didn't cheat, so I accused him of it. He says he didn't, and I've never had a reason to believe anything was wrong or could be occurring before this. We assumed that it might have been a mistake then by one of the labs that did our initial testing. His was at a free clinic provided by our county, and mine was at the gynecologists. We put it behind us and the only problems we have are the same little ones we had before all this, but part of me is still skeptical just because of the nature of how these things (sti's) work.\n\nHow likely is this? How likely is it that I went years without symptoms? He never showed any symptoms either, but naturally took the antibiotic as soon as I got home with it, so he never got retested before taking the medication, so there's no way of knowing.\n\n22, F", "answer": "It\u2019s impossible to know what happened.\n\nEither of you could have had asymptomatic chlamydia and been unlucky in getting a false negative test before, although false tests are rare.  But not unheard of\u2014depending on the rest, the rate can be a few percent. Or you could not have had chlamydia and gotten a false positive test more recently (false positives are more common than false negatives, usually). Or he could have cheated.\n\nOverall the last is probably the most common, but the tests are not perfect and false negatives/positives do occur. If you believe him and problems didn\u2019t recur, especially if he didn\u2019t get treated and you still didn\u2019t get reinfected, then it\u2019s quite possible that there was no chlamydia in the first place.\n\nSTI testing can be nerve- and relationship-wracking. I hope this answer helps.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0vko5", "comment_id": "eaksq94"}, {"question": "I [28/M] struggle with being criticized by my fiance[27/F]", "description": "Long story short, we love each other very much, and my fiance is very much a teacher and a \"guidance counsellor\" for the kids at her school. She's very insightful and very thoughtful. \n\nOne example of what happens is that, I didn't ask my boss to take two weeks off in the summer for our honeymoon. Nothing was established yet but I wanted to at least get the time officiated. Anyhow, I didn't do it because I was waiting for my boss to go down the seniority list, and I am the last person. \n\nMy fiance tells me I should have more initiative and be more gutsy saying I should just email him anyways, and that I should just be more assertive and proactive in general. I will admit that I am the laid-back type who assumes things will go right, and I definitely have been very lucky - with both getting a decent job, and actually getting the crush of 10 years to love me.\n\nBut besides that, I struggle with this. The moment she criticizes me, I get all defensive and start making up excuses (sometimes they don't always line up). More often times than not, she is criticizes my driving, my cleanliness, and other things. I definitely and not perfect, and she isn't either - but I find myself letting go of little things that would generally bother a normal person.\n\nI don't have anything against her for criticizing me as she has good intentions, but is it wrong for me to suddenly get defensive when criticizes? Any tips on taking it well, or responding to it?\n\nEmotionally, I can become unstable, and I suddenly become really depressed and I don't want to listen to anything else she has to say. It's really childish. What do you guys think?\n\nTDLR: Fiance criticizes and I turn into a ball of sadness, as well as being defensive. Any tips with fixing this?  ", "answer": "there has to be balance between constructive civil criticism and positivity. see a therapist together if things are stuck", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5snplz", "comment_id": "ddgkfm1"}, {"question": "THC pen", "description": "Age: 19 \nSex: M \nHeight: 5\u201910\nWeight: 180 lbs\nRace: Arab \nDuration of complaint: 1 day \nLocation: stomach \nGeographic location: Detroit, MI\nMedical issues: none\nMedications: none \nTabaco smoker: No \n\nToday I woke up and seemingly out of nowhere, I throw up six times and have bad diarrhea. I suspect food poisoning since I don\u2019t have a fever or any other symptoms. The only symptoms have been vomiting, diarrhea, and moderate stomach cramps. \n\nFor about the past month, almost everyday, I use a THC pen, usually called \u201cclears\u201d in my neck of the woods. They\u2019re fairly new, so I\u2019ll describe them. It\u2019s a pod of yellow liquid connected to a battery. The liquid inside the pod is THC oil. The battery heats the oil and vapor comes out that you inhale. I use it sometimes to sleep and other times just for fun, anyway. \n\nLike I said, I woke up this morning with the symptoms I just described. During the same time, I went on Reddit I believe and saw an article about \u201ccannabinoid hyperemesis.\u201d Something I never heard about. If you know about this condition, I wanted to know if this condition occurs only in those who smoke actual marijuana, or situations like mine where I\u2019m using a pod with THC. Do my symptoms of cannabinoid hyperemesis align with the basic prognosis of my condition? Where I just threw up six times and continue to have diarrhea? Thanks for any help. ", "answer": "Any cannabis-containing products, including pods, can cause cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS, here, so I don\u2019t have to keep typing it out). But CHS is associated with abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting but not diarrhea. It\u2019s more likely from your symptoms that you have run of the mill gastroenteritis. Maybe food poisoning, but often it\u2019s just a brief viral illness.\n\nAll that said, I strongly recommend against daily use of marijuana or other cannabis products. You don\u2019t want to get CHS, and especially in teens and early twenties heavy cannabis use is associated with bad effects on neurocognitive development and worsened anxiety, as well as increased risk of psychosis and development of schizophrenia.\n\nA joint (or pod) once in a while may be fine. Daily is probably unwise.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5qyfk", "comment_id": "ejfax18"}, {"question": "Is Arrhythmia Necessarily dangerous?", "description": "Hello.\n\nI'm 21 years old and male. \n\nI went to see a cardiologist just because I never had a heart check in my life and wondered if I had any problems also because sometimes I felt irregular heart beats.\n\nI went to the cardiologist which asked me questions and then he put all this cables all over my body and this machine would reproduce all the heat beats very loudly so the cardiologist could hear them. They went from fast to slow, normal and vice versa.\n\nHe sent me to another cardiologist whom would perform a strength exercise on me. The strenght exercise and the multiple test they performed lasted for around 1 hour and a half, then they made me use this device that would monitor my heart beat for 24 hours.\n\nI went back to the cardiologist and returned the device, then 2 days later I went back and he told me that I have arrhythmia and he told me it was nothing to worry about but is not normal either.\n\nNow I read that some Arrhythmia can cause cardiac arrest, by all the test that the cardiologist saw can they see what specific type of Arrhythmia I have? Because if they said I should't worry, then I assume they know EXACTLY what kind of Arrhythmia I have since I would believe they would never risk a clients life and not be sure what kind of arrhythmia I have especially since they said is nothing to worry about. \n\nBoth cardiologist said that everything looks good and in order. But again he said that I have arrhythmia.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "Arrhythmia is literally any heart pattern that isn't absolutely normal. They vary from instantly fatal\u2014having no heartbeat at all is an arrhythmia!\u2014to some pretty common technically abnormal but otherwise not concerning variants. It sounds like you had a standard thorough workup with EKG (those wires), stress test (exercise), and Holter monitor (worn device). That's the information that cardiologists can use to know exactly what the arrhythmia is and if anything should be done.\n\nMy wild guess, based only on \"irregular heart beats\" and the cardiologists choosing no intervention, is that you had premature atrial contractions (PACs), which you can sometimes feel as extra beats but otherwise usually have no risk and require no intervention unless the feeling really bothers you. That's a question for the cardiologist, though. What was the diagnosis and why should you or shouldn't you do anything about it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8u2i5r", "comment_id": "e1c3zsm"}, {"question": "Please voice your ethics views for this situation.", "description": "I\u2019m trying to gauge how ethical this situation is.\n\nMy friend\u2019s mom passed away last September after fighting cancer for 3 years. Their parents were happily married for 29+ years and had 4 children, all of which are 22+ years old. Their dad\u2019s been having a rough time since her death. He\u2019s always been an emotionally reserved person but in past few months has opened with his children, voicing his grief and how much he misses their mom, even saying how catching covid-19 wouldn\u2019t be so bad because he could be with his wife again.\n\nTo the surprise of the family, he very recently announced that he's seeing a woman. This woman is an acquaintance of the family, and a licensed grief counselor in our state who just finished their masters degree. She is \u201chelping him through his grief\u201d and wants to have one on one sessions with his children. Their mother wasn\u2019t fond of this woman and suspected that she was attracted to the dad.\nThis whole situation is rubbing me the wrong way. Their dad is a very Christian man and was incredibly devoted to his wife, but is in a very vulnerable and lonely state.  It feels like she is using her title and training as a grief counselor to take advantage of a very vulnerable man. \n\nIs this wrong? The whole situation feels incredibly unethical but I would like the views of her fellow counselors/psychologists", "answer": "I don't know the grief counselor code of ethics . However,  the APA code says that people cannot have a sexual relationship with a client or the direct relative of a client .  Now , if she is offering support as his girlfriend and using her skills and training , that may not be a direct violation.  If there is an actual therapeutic relationship,  it is probably outright unethical.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gs4t62", "comment_id": "fs65q21"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist asked me to get a battery of blood tests, want to know why", "description": "I've been on  **fluoxetine** 40mg for 5 months now and my psychiatrist asked me to stop my meds for a week after i complained of day time sleepiness. He now wants me to get the following blood tests done before going back to visit him.\n\n1. Complete Blood Picture/count\n2. TSH \n3. Urea, Creatinine \n4. HbA1C - glycated hemoglobin\n5. Serum Electrolytes \n\n I'd like to know what information he could possibly get from these tests. \n\nThanks for taking the time :)\n\n​\n\n* 20 year old Male, \n* 6' 1\"  \n* 75Kg\n* Asian \n* Been treated for depression for 2 years now \n* Stopped Fluoxetine 40mg after 5 months \\[reduced to 20mg in the last 2 weeks\\]", "answer": "These may just be routine, but here's a best guess:\n\nComplete blood count (CBC) to test for anemia, which can cause fatigue.\n\nTSH to check for hypothyroidism, which can cause fatigue and depression.\n\nBUN and creatinine to test renal function, which he would need to know to start some medications.\n\nHbA1C to check for diabetes and also establish a baseline before starting some medications.\n\nSerum electrolytes are usually checked along with BUN and creatinine, so probably just routine panel.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6obxi", "comment_id": "esabess"}, {"question": "My gynecologist is dismissing my concerns and it makes me want to cry...", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS after I began to have lengthy periods. I've been bleeding since September 9th with a long, nasty period. I am very frustrated. OB put me on birth control pills. I was on the pill years ago, but it gave me all the side effects you can think of. Even still, she told me to just power through it.\n\nOne month in, and I am miserable. Nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, sudden weight gain, random headaches, mood swings, cramping, chest tightness, etc etc. I can barely function. Worse of all, the bleeding has gotten **worse**, and I have huge blood clots.\n\nI've called the OB and the resident nurse many times to report these effects, but they keep telling me it's \"normal\" and to just continue with the pill. \n\nI've consulted with Walgreens and Urgent Care, they tell me to stop the pill. But then OB tells me to continue it, and they will not give me anything else to treat me with. I can't switch providers because there's a wait time, according to my insurance.\n\nI mean, am I just being weak-willed? Will the bleeding and side effects maybe just get better as the OB claims?", "answer": "See if there is any way you can get a second opinion from your insurance, or start the process to get a new OB. Ask to speak with the head OB or supervisor, or whoever is clinical and her boss. Tell them you don\u2019t feel heard and are afraid for your health. \n\nAlso if urgent care has told you to stop the pills, that\u2019s a medical professional and you can feel safe to follow their advice. It\u2019s your body, you choose to take meds or not. If the side effects are worse than what they\u2019re treating, stop them. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7e14a5", "comment_id": "dq1vbt4"}, {"question": "Help on studying", "description": "Hey everyone! I just started college and since high school I've had a hard time concetrating and studying, does anyone have any tips?", "answer": "You may have to try different methods of studying to figure out what works best for you. Here's a big list, try whatever you think would work. Personally I never really needed to study outside of class much in high school so when I went to college it was a BIG shock that I couldn't just... remember stuff! I had to learn the hard way how to study.\n\nI'd recommend always taking notes in class, then taking the time (at least 1 hour per week per class) to review those notes, do any textbook reading, work on any homework, and actually REWRITE notes when I could. When I did that I didn't just copy, I would either go through and highlight or bold key words and vocab, write it cleaner and more organized, group similar ideas together, and go back to the textbook for ideas that were new or complex. \n\nI also always hand-write notes in class (the act of physically writing can help you focus and remember), but then sometimes type up a more organized outline. Having to rearrange things forces you to interact with what you actually wrote down.\n\nFor memorizing things I made flash cards. I work better with physical ones but there are apps like Quizlet that let you make some online or on your phone. \n\nIf you're an auditory learner, ask if you can record the lecture and listen to it again later. I had one prof actually upload her lectures online like podcasts. Those are good to listen to while driving or doing something else. \n\nAlso get a study buddy!! Your college probably has a tutoring center, or talk to a classmate or roommate or friend to study with you. \n\nAlso also DON'T STUDY WHERE YOU SLEEP/CHILL. I can't study in front of my computer at home because my brain thinks its internet time so I distract myself easily. Go somewhere where your ONLY purpose of being there is to study. Library, coffee shop, whatever. If you can't leave your building at least sit in another room or something. \n\nThe most important thing is that you actually make time to study and STICK TO IT. Put it on your calendar, and even if you don't have homework or its an easy week in class, study anyway or at least use that time to work on other things.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eq3bux", "comment_id": "fendvub"}, {"question": "Why did I let him do it.", "description": "I was dating the man who I thought was the one for the past 2 years  and some months. Between year one and year two he had a bad habit of clearing messages and wanting to hang out with suddenly single girls. He cheated on me a few days after our one year anniversary, and claimed he would block and never speak to her again. (I should have never took him back) a year of good times go by and he suddenly wants to break up with me for these reasons. \n1. He wanted to focus on college.\n2. He hated my hair cut. (I had long hair and chopped it all off to see how it would look. I love it tho.)\n3. I didn't go straight to college. \n\nAfter a few weeks I found out from his former best friend he never stopped speaking to the woman he cheated on me with. And would hang out and have sex with her behind my back. I'm beyond hurt but I keep telling myself I deserve better. I find myself thinking about him all the time and because of it I'm becoming more depressed then I was before. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. But I would just like an outsiders opinion on how to go about this. \n\nOn the bright side I landed myself a teaching career for children ages 2-5. And I love it so far!\n\nTldr; \nI let a pathetic excuse for a man play me a fool and now I hate myself for it. ", "answer": "He's bad news. Good riddance. Just have to let go and move on. Rehashing history does nothing, as you've already learned the lesson.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xul55", "comment_id": "dmikacz"}, {"question": "I am allowing my alcoholic ex who would hit and abuse me back into my life because I am depressed, lonely, and in 4 months not a single girl would date me.", "description": "I am 33 years old. I am more depressed than I have ever been in my life. I am so lonely. My wife cheated on me two years ago. I have not talked to her since. I hate my life. I am tired of being alone. After so many years of rejection it is hard, because I so passionately want another stable relationship, but all that is available to me is an alcoholic. No one will date me. I am fat, and ugly, and not worthy of the life I was building for myself. I do not want to die, but certainly do not want to keep living like this.", "answer": "On the face of it this course of action opens you to abuse and reinforces your humiliation and second class 'loser' status which is extremely painful.  So don't do that. Instead:  exercise every other day.  Make an appointment to see a psychologist, and another to get yourself on antidepressant medication.  Volunteer with a helpful community organization such as a dog rescue group or go to meet up and find something else you like better.  Rescue a pet from shelter/death and gain a buddy.  Work on things that will make your life better, rather than on things that will make it worse.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2coyzc", "comment_id": "cjhladd"}, {"question": "Today the pharmacist sold me a genetic test so I can better tell what ADHD drugs will help me?!", "description": "Picked my drugs up at the local Rite Aid and the pharmacist pitched me on this \"Harmonyx diagnostics\" genetic test because she saw that I have ADHD. Pretty much, this private lab looks for certain genes (I'm guessing DRD4 variant etc?) and ranks the various ADHD drugs from Red (last resort) to Yellow (try second) to Green (try first) relative to your genetic make up. Sounds a little hokey, but I've been a psychiatric patient for most of my young adult life and have bounced between drugs for years now...I'll take the results with a grain of salt, of course. I'm guessing that I don't have the DRD4 variant because I'm ADHD PI and get really anxious on stimulants. Hm. ", "answer": "I know nothing about the company you referenced but I do know that tests like that are available. I work at a mental health clinic and our lab does that sometimes for clients when the psychiatrist orders it. Like you said, I think they order medications from most to least effective given your results. \n\nI've never done it myself but I've had multiple clients swear by it. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2s0bvp", "comment_id": "cnm8v0c"}, {"question": "Me [29m] and gf [28f] have been in a great relationship for the past 9 months. Out of the blue I'm started having sexual anxiety and I wanna get over it NSFW", "description": "A little background. I met my girlfriend about a year ago and decided to start dating in May. We instantly clicked, as we have a lot of the same interests, and things have been very smooth throughout the relationship. \n\nSex has always been a big thing for us, as we both have high sex drives. She ended up having her first orgasm with me, which is difficult to give her and can only be achieved through penetration. 90% of the time I'm able to get her off when we have sex, however I've been having issues the last couple of weeks. \n\nI've been stressed out lately because I've been unemployed for a month, I'm low on cash and have been looking for a job. Because of the high anxiety, about halfway through sex I've been going soft, which has been upsetting her a great deal. I was able to control my stress about my job situation, and I got hired for a new position which I'll be starting next week. \n\nHowever, I'm still having erectile problems and I now have a lot of performance anxiety, I haven't finished in over a week and she's very upset about the whole situation. I've explained things honestly to her, but I'm not sure how to fix this issue, as I've never had this problem before. Has anyone else had this problem before? How did you fix it?\n\nTL;DR- I've been stressed do to work, led to mental ED, need advice", "answer": "viagra is great for overcoming this sort of stress/anxiety in bed. call your doc", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vb6ba", "comment_id": "de0qlf2"}, {"question": "I'm going to fail out of community college.", "description": "Today was suppose to be an exam day. I couldn't bring myself to study even though I didn't forget. I'm skipping all my classes, I'm going to fail ever single one of them this time. This is the last time I can take my math course because you can't retake courses you fail three times. I just fucking suck at life. I don't have any excuse other than just being worthless. I thought I was going to get out of it this semester, but I failed. I've been seeing the school therapist, but I can't anymore because budget cuts. I really wanted to get better I really did. ", "answer": "Everyone's good at something. EVERYONE. What are YOU good at? So, school isn't your thing... It was a learning experience. I know it seems dark and the end of the world, but school really isn't the be all and end all of everything.  PLENTY of people achieve success in life without ever going to school, and you can too, I promise.  Also, there's no time limit on school... If you decide to do something else with your life -- like work with your hands? Work creatively? Become an entrepreneur?-- there's nothing in the world that says you can't go back to college in 5,10,20+ years if you want. You can achieve a lot, honest! ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1exvi8", "comment_id": "ca50874"}, {"question": "Are hypnagogic hallucinations a sign of schizophrenia?", "description": "I'm 19 and have been diagnosed with health anxiety and a panic disorder. My main worry at the moment is schizophrenia. I've noticed that I sometimes hear sounds that aren't there when I'm falling asleep. I googled it and it seems like its a \"common\" experience (according to a study it's up to 70% of people who experience it, just can't recall it). However, I can't find anything about if it's linked to having schizophrenia or not and it's making me quite worried. I also have a history of derealization (I don't experience it anymore thankfully). Could this be a sign of schizophrenia in the future?\n\nP.S. I'd go so far as saying that my panic disorder has now been cured. I haven't had a panic attack in almost two years now.", "answer": "Well, hearing sounds that are not there is a symptom of schizophrenia. However, this does not sound like a symptom of schizophrenia to me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dxt5h3", "comment_id": "f7wfxml"}, {"question": "Depression: The disease that makes you isolate yourself from your friends, and then helps you be extra miserable later when your friends do things without you.", "description": "Thanks, depression. I *knew* isolating myself and pushing everyone away was unhealthy and unhelpful, and yet I did it anyway because I felt I didn't have a choice. Now that I put myself in this position, even my small group of friends that \"understand what I'm dealing with\" or know what's going on have stopped inviting me to things entirely, and I know it's really not their fault, but it still hurts when I see the pictures or hear about it in passing. I know I can't expect people to still invite me to things when I always decline, especially now when the days that I feel up to being around other people are few and far between. The (anti)social aspect of depression is such a hard cycle to break out of. ", "answer": "Feeling something very similar to this today too. It's a bit of a vicious cycle -- I don't get or stay close to people because I'm depressed, but then being alone and isolated makes me feel worse. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "40p561", "comment_id": "cyw12pf"}, {"question": "DAE keep almost breaking up with their SO?", "description": "I\u2019ve been through some really rough patches recently and the urge to isolate myself out of fear that I\u2019m going to be abandoned is so strong that I keep telling my (22) boyfriend (23) of two years that I\u2019m no good for him and we probably shouldn\u2019t be together. The relationship is more complex than just the surface level of my insecurities, but he\u2019s an incredibly good person and I hate doing this to him.\n\nDoes anyone else find themselves trying to sabotage their own relationships? What should I do? Am I right to break things off while I find out how to cope with my mental illness, so that I\u2019m no longer hurting him, or is this just an urge I get because of the illness?", "answer": "You could do that, but then you would have less support through it. You might protect him from yourself (which is a terrible way to think about yourself and itd be helpful to start being positive about you) but you also might damage the chance of having a stronger relationship.\n\nBut ultimately it's not your decision to make of he wants to be with your or \"put up with you\" so to say. You should respect his decision and accept that maybe he just likes to be with you", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "brn94b", "comment_id": "eof88um"}, {"question": "What\u2019s going to happen if I go to the hospital? Am I going to survive this?", "description": "I am a 20 year old female who\u2019s 5\u20193 and weighs 180 pounds living in Canada \n\nI took an overdose ( about 20 500mg pills) of Tylenol about 12 hours ago. I just want to know what will happen if I go to the hospital? Do I still have a chance at surviving this if I go or is it too late for me? Please let me know ", "answer": "You have a chance of surviving, and that chance is better the sooner you get medical treatment. Please go.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ij384", "comment_id": "dys5fya"}, {"question": "I just found out I'm pregnant and I can't take life anymore", "description": "I'm 20 years old. recently my boyfriend of two years dumped me, he said he just doesn't love me anymore. I've been fired from my job, and I was trying to go to community college. I'm such a loser. my period was about five days late I was getting nervous so I purchased a test, two positives. I can't do this. it's my ex boyfriends but I know he won't want anything to do with it. and I've been taking percocet like crazy since the break up so I probably screwed this baby up. I have guns, but I'm still  scared. help me please", "answer": "Ironically, being pregnant could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you (though if you want to have an abortion that is a-ok too)\nLots of programs are in place to help women who are pregnant or with young kids- both with counseling and eduction and housing and stuff like that. A good place to start would be planned parenthood (they do much more than abortions, don't believe the hype) and they can hook you up with resources. Don despair-- things can and will get better.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "16ggym", "comment_id": "c7w0ogw"}, {"question": "15 years sober, then started drinking again.", "description": "Help. After about 15 years of sobriety (I became addicted in my twenties), I tried drinking again - curiosity which turned into obsessive thinking which resulted in a drink (I thought that I may have been able to drink \"normally\" as I originally drank due to confidence issues which I no longer felt was an issue). Now I cant stop thinking about drinking. I have a bout of drinking which lasts for about 3 days, I then sort myself out for about a week (but in the meantime obsessively think about drinking and whether I want it or not), then I succumb again. I don't want to drink and when I do I don't enjoy it, its like I do it to get rid of the obsessive thoughts in my head. Does anyone have any advice on how I can release myself from this obsession/addiction which has resurfaced?", "answer": "Allan Carr's method sounds like it could work well here. Essentially your brain focuses on short term gains. You need to help it look at the whole picture. His conclusion: if you look at everything alcohol gives and takes, no one should do it. It's always a net negative, even for \"regular\" drinkers. \n\nPlus. Include other people in your process, break it down into a real decision to not drink. Make that decision a process to not drink just right now. Just right now. Tomorrow is whatever, but right now you can choose. \n\nRemember, cravings usually only last a few hours at a time. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7zxdon", "comment_id": "duremk6"}, {"question": "[relationship change] 8 months into relationship, is he less interested? Am I overreacting?", "description": "BF (Male, 24) and I (Female, 21) are together for 8 months. In the beginning, he used to text me all the time and tell me every day how amazing/cute/pretty I am.\n\nWe see each other about 3-4 days a week, and if we are together he is still quite affectionate. He always holds my hand when we walk outside, he hugs me every day and he tells me every day that he loves me. He also still can't get enough of me in the bed room. If I hang out with him, he gives me all of his attention.\n\nBut when it comes to texting, it's much less than before. He's a gamer, and he's bad at multitasking. \nSo in the beginning of our relationship he quit gaming because he wanted to talk to me. Since the start, we have a habit that we talk through whatsapp the entire evening until we are going to sleep. Now, we still talk every evening  but it's mostly by my effort. He does not say much when I don't say something and it makes me sad. especially when I read all our convo's in the beginning of our relationship. Now he's gaming the entire evening, and sometimes says something through text but not much, maybe 6 or 7 messages in an hour. Am I overreacting? Is this normal? \n\nedit: he told me he finds it hard to focus on a game and a chat on the same time so he asked if we could skype call instead during the evenings, but I hate phone/skype calls so i denied that. it gives me anxiety for some reason", "answer": "i wouldn't measure your rel. by texting quantity. if the rel. is basically solid, loving and meeting your biggest needs, that's what counts. life is about the big picture, seeing the forest for the trees.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qaz88", "comment_id": "dcxq9kt"}, {"question": "What is the next step in oral hygiene? How does someone brush when you only gag?", "description": "I'll be honest, my teeth are in rough shape as I've only sparsely brushed and use mouth wash periodically mostly because I have a terrible gag reflex. To the point I primarily use just mouth wash.\n\nEven going to the dentist last year was a struggle. Spent almost two hours trying to take in enough laughing gas to stop myself from gagging. Part of this is from awful allergies so not being able to easily breath through the nose is part of the problem, but one that won't be solved (Most allergy / sinus meds dry out my nose and cause nose bleeds, to the point I'd rather deal with drainage than a painful nose).\n\nI'm getting to the age health is a concern and really want to go to the dentist for my teeth but am fearful the only answer is brushing..  Which I don't know how to accommodate as my gums have started bleeding without brushing (Usually would bleed when brushing)\n\nI really wish there were like.  A gum or something I can actively chew on instead of jabbing a stick in my mouth. \n\n\nWhat options do I have, if any to make my oral care passable? I don't expect spotless teeth, my goals are to stop the blood to prevent the unsightly look if blood stains, and oral health that reduces or eliminates bad breath. My front lower teeth currently have a strange smell after being cleaned.\n\nI'm 27, Causasion Male living in SC, US. I smoke regularly, but not nicotine.\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "You might have better luck with r/Dentistry if you have oral health questions.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "906wwp", "comment_id": "e2o905r"}, {"question": "Feeling undeserving of recovering", "description": "Does anyone else feel like others have a more \u201cvalid\u201d recovery because they\u2019re doing everything to recover but because they\u2019re not like overweight or because they \u201clook better than me\u201d.. they\u2019re more deserving of getting better?\nI just see so many recovery Instagram accounts and I think they deserve to get better because their photos are always nice and mine are just shit. I stopped having an account because I didn\u2019t feel like I deserved it because I\u2019m not pretty or anything..", "answer": "100% yes. There\u2019s an expectation that if you have an ED you are female, skinny, traditionally pretty, and a teenager/20s. If you are not these things it can feel more difficult to get treatment, like you don\u2019t \u201cbelong\u201d", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "jmzci6", "comment_id": "gayewwh"}, {"question": "I want to be beaten ...", "description": "So I\u2019m not looking for relationship advice\u2014 I\u2019m just looking for insight or better understanding as to WHY do I have this sick craving to be hurt sometimes? ...\n\nFirst of all, please please don\u2019t be cruel in your comments on here. I\u2019m so broken and shattered I just can\u2019t take any more. It would take hours of reading to know all that I\u2019ve been dealing with and how much hurt I\u2019ve endured over the years, so please don\u2019t kick me while I\u2019m down. I am earnestly seeking help and understanding in hopes to find a path to some sort of healing.\n\nI have this sick urge to be beaten. Severely injured. When I was 12 yrs old i hit myself so hard I left bruises. I sought out relationships that mistreated me, and I antagonize the situation until they hurt me (mostly verbal, but some physical). And then I feel a sense of release... it\u2019s complicated because I also feel scared and guilty for knowing I deserved it, but I\u2019m terrified that I actually WANT them to lose it on me. I hate myself. I\u2019ve clawed my own face, hit my head until I nearly black out, bruised my body, and pushed buttons with the wrong people until they snap and end up injuring me. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I do avoid these situations MOST of the time, and I\u2019m actually very NON-confrontational. But when the pain gets too much, I always end up reaching a point that I WANT someone to lose control and beat the shit out of me. Then I get scared when they do lose control, but it\u2019s too late. And the pain actually feels good... I know how sick this is! But the humiliation of knowing that only makes it worse. Why am I so sick?", "answer": "Snooped and saw your other post which asks about things in Texas. I know it\u2019s a massive state, but perhaps there\u2019s someone close-ish to whatever city/town you\u2019re in. [sex therapists in Texas](https://www.aasect.org/find-professional/2/TX/T)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fhbb4k", "comment_id": "fka4v6s"}, {"question": "Grandpa pees a lot daily despite not drinking a lot of liquid", "description": "He's planning on going to China next month and he randomly approached me today and told me to buy this for him https://imgur.com/0504YF4 (he saw it from a Chinese newspaper advertisement?) because he doesn't want to keep peeing in the plane. \n\nI tried googling this brand and didn't find any people talking about it. It's $60, however the price isn't the problem if it helps resolve the problem. It's mainly if the ingredients or what not is not worth the cost or it doesn't work at all. ", "answer": "1. There's no reason to expect this to be helpful. The listed ingredients are a standard assortment of herbal remedies and supplements. Saw palmetto in particular has been evaluated for help with benign prostatic hyperplasia, a common cause of urinary problems in older men, and it doesn't work.\n\n2. If he's peeing a lot it's worth seeing a doctor to figure out why and what could help with the problem. You can't make him do that, but it makes more sense than spending $60 on snake oil.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mboto", "comment_id": "e7djc19"}, {"question": "Need an inpatient facility (can pay)", "description": "Afraid to self commit to regular psych hospital but need help for a month or two. Can pay for facility. Anyone know how to find one?\nI\u2019m female autistic adult. ", "answer": "What country are you in?  If it's the U.S., look on the back of your health insurance card (if you have insurance) and you can usually find provider info on your insurance company's website or there will be a number to call for mental health.  \n\nAlso.... not sure what you mean by \"a regular psych hospital\" but still want to go to an inpatient facility.  Can you explain a little?\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xtbcy", "comment_id": "dub7tcn"}, {"question": "Adaptogenic herbs and their androgenic effect", "description": "I\u2019ve read plenty of stories about maca working miracles for women with PCOS, and just as many studies proving it can actually raise T levels. Whom to believe?\nSame goes for ashwagandha and holy basil.\nAnyone here had any experience with adaptogenic herbs? I\u2019ve tried taking those 3 but have stopped about 4 days in due to their potential effects on elevating testosterone and that\u2019s the last thing anyone with PCOS needs lol. ", "answer": "I took ashwagandha for a while. It did great things for me overall - better sleep, weight loss, less anxiety. T levels stayed normal but my DHEA is now QUITE high, and I did notice increased facial hair around that time. Hard to pinpoint, though, as I was also on fertility drugs off and on throughout. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "a9pk11", "comment_id": "eclbn7s"}, {"question": "I want to feel connected to my husband again and I don't know how.", "description": "I'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. I believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. I don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. I believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. I try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression I make is scrutinized, even when I assure him it's related to other issues. Recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time I try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing Madden. He plays Madden for 3 hours plus and while I understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler.  \n\nI sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because I feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when I ask him to stop playing. I feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if I am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, I don't have any plans I just want to feel connected to him again.\n\nI feel like I start a lot the arguments because I want something I am not sure I am going to get from him. \n\n", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "dgp9arm"}, {"question": "[23/f] Me questioning relationship with the person (27/m) I'm dating.", "description": "We've been dating for 10 months, broke up once (I initiated it, got back together after) because I was unhappy with things. At that point, we were arguing a fair bit over silly things. \n\nWe stopped arguing but everything else kinda stopped as well. In a week (at maximum), we talk about once on the phone, exchange a few texts (no more than 10?), and meet once or twice for a coffee or something. Sex occurs once a month... maybe. \n\nEvery bit of communication, I initiate.\n\nWe're both busy with out work and studies but does it get this bad? I went from feeling like I wanted more to just not  wanting to hang out at all to... not knowing what to do. \n\nI don't know how to question this or bring this up without first drilling myself with questions; Am I being needy? Am I being demanding? Have we always been this way? Is it my fault? What is wrong with initiating everything? There's nothing wrong with initiating everything? Does he like me?... and it is driving me nuts.\n\nWhen we meet, things are amicable. We talk about our lives briefly, coffee, stuff, etc. I don't want to ruin things by bringing up something I'm unhappy with. \n\nIt's just weird for me that he doesn't sense anything; if he does feel that something's wrong, he pretends well. \n\nThere are times when I want to lash out, say or do things that I feel would hurt him because I feel hurt. I feel like a sensitive, angry teenager for being butthurt over something simple. I'm trying to keep myself busy but it still hurts and I keep coming back to feeling this way. \n\nIt's like I'm going through the motions; ups and downs. On some days, it feels OK, on other days, I just don't want this. \n\nHow do I live with this and make it feel OK? I don't know how to bring this up and I can't do it at the moment, because we're both really busy and I genuinely don't want to be the person that breaks things up again. \n\nI don't get what he sees in us dating; it's so boring and I've a better relationship/camaraderie/rapport with people I've met very recently than him. I think I want him to break up with me. \n\nIn all honesty, I feel ashamed more than anything for being this sensitive, needy, emotional, etc. The general advice is to usually leave but honestly, I just can't give enough fu**s to do it. \n\nI just need advice to get through this and feel sane again. \n\nTL;DR: Help me figure out a way to feel sane while amicably, sporadically dating a guy I'm not sure about. ", "answer": "It doesn't seem like you think things can change, so do you want to feel this way in 6 months? Hell, do you want to still feel this crappy a week from now? You both deserve passion. You know you need to break up with him, don't drag it out until he does it for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4lv3oc", "comment_id": "d3qdw1r"}, {"question": "\"You don't look like you have schizophrenia.\"", "description": "I don't look like I have schizophrenia, but I stay silent in fear that I will say something inappropriate, or have a word salad fall out of my mouth. You percieve this as shyness.\n\nYou may not be able to tell, but under my clothes are strategically placed scars, the blade scores my skin in places you will never see. You percieve the way I dress as modesty.\n\nI don't shower or change for a week on end. And when I leave the house, my significant other often has to tell me I am wearing something inside out or backwards. Sometimes it takes me a couple of tries, and you see only the end result.\n\nI don't seem like I have schizophrenia, but when in mixed company, I will take excessive trips to the bathroom, just for a moment of silence, because things are a bit too loud. You see someone with an over-active bladder. \n\nI don't seem like I have schizophrenia, because the whole world would fear me if I did. And when I DO act out of character, because my mask has become too heavy, you are shocked. You perceive this as selfishness, toxicity, or childlike. \n\nI don't look like I have schizophrenia, but, my friend, you are not looking close enough.", "answer": "\nJust touching and so real. Thanks for writing this, it's inspiring. \n\n\nThanks, can I use it in my training?\nI teach Counselling and Psychotherapy, and this week I'm going to teach \"Working with difference\".", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "dry2lx", "comment_id": "f6nbxoi"}, {"question": "Anyone take Gabapentin? I\u2019m Standing waiting for the subway and feel like I\u2019m going to fall over and go into a deep sleep.", "description": "I really do not want to stop taking it because it immediately cured all my withdrawal symptoms I had with CHS. I dying here. Can\u2019t be productive all. Anyone have any ideas?", "answer": "If this is a new Rx it might take time to adjust and build a tolerance so that it\u2019s not making you so sleepy. Also check with your dr and see if they have some ideas to change dosage or dosing instructions (how much and at what times of day.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eycd09", "comment_id": "fggjwa3"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t stop over analyzing everything and it\u2019s draining me {F 25}", "description": "My anxiety makes me over analyze every little detail of my social life, I over think every social interaction and constantly think that everyone hates me.\n\nExample; a friend of mine always looks watches my snap stories, & today he didn\u2019t watch the 2 snap stories I posted, and now I think he hates me now & it\u2019s making my anxiety and depression worse thinking well if he hates me then so & so must hate me and so on and so on\n\nI just had to get this out cause I can\u2019t talk to anyone about this ", "answer": "I understand how tough it is to over analyze.  Heck, it\u2019s my job to do that.   Maybe try radical acceptance.  Just accept what you\u2019re feeling and identify the feeling.   Mindfulness also really helps with anxiety.  There are some great apps out there that are easy to use and very helpful. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91vcrm", "comment_id": "e313f8o"}, {"question": "Can I drink in Moderation on Antidepressants?", "description": "Female, 24, 158 lbs, 5'5, 150mg Zoloft\n\nWould it be okay to have a drink or two in social situations on Zoloft?", "answer": "Zoloft has no dangerous interactions with alcohol, although it might make you feel sleepy faster.\n\nAlcohol consumed in moderation is fine, but it tends to worsen depression. Just something to be aware of.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e75k7a", "comment_id": "f9viwyk"}, {"question": "Am I being too sensitive over my S/O name calling?", "description": "My partner has a tendency to call me dumb/stupid in moments when she feels that I'm acting without common sense. Admittedly, there are times where I can miss the mark and be a bit empty headed, so I try to empathize with her frustration. I could also put in more effort to be more attentive. Sometimes, she says it jokingly, but there are other instances where the anger is very real. I've asked her not to call me that, but she feels it's unfair not permit her to express that. Her response has sometimes been \"stop doing stupid sh\\*t then\" when I've asked her to stop. \n\n​\n\nFurthermore, in situations that have turn into real fights, she has resorted to cursing at me. I am not perfect, and I do have many things that I could work on in myself. I have hurt her in my own ways, most of which aren't intentional, but still. I've refused to cross that line with her, as I know how much it hurts. She has called me a POS more than once, f\\*ck you and other things. We have talked about this multiple times, but again she feels like I'm impeding on her ability to express herself by telling her that it isn't okay.   \n\n\nI am finding it hard to balance my understanding of her perspective and standing up for myself. Is this ever okay, even if I'm doing things that upset her in our relationship?", "answer": "Name calling is never appropriate. The fact that she tries to turn it around on you (stop doing dumb things then) is not only immature, but it puts the blame on you. YOU are now responsible for her hurting your feelings. Never forget: she can't control your behavior, she can only control how she responds to it. And she is CHOOSING to respond in a way that knowingly upsets you. If she cannot respect you and your wishes for her to NOT CALL YOU NAMES, then perhaps instead you need to find someone who will call you names like Sweetie or Honey or Schmoopie :)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9h7ndv", "comment_id": "e6avwfi"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent of \"gentle dental\" for therapists?", "description": "I've seen those dentists that specialize in people who have a phobia of going to the dentist.\n\nIs there an equivalent for therapists? Since college (15-20 years) I've thought about getting help for my issues but I'm terrified at even the thought of calling a therapist to schedule an appointment. I guess it's just an irrational fear but there are so many things I can't face. I'm afraid I won't be able to talk. I'm afraid they'll ask questions I don't want to answer (but refusing to answer will be just as revealing). I'm afraid of all the shame I will experience going over my problems.\n\nIs there any type of \"gentle\" way to get into therapy for people who are afraid of it?\n\nThanks\n\nEdit: sorry this was a stupid question ", "answer": "Depending on the state you live in, you may have access to therapy via a video chat service (i.e. Skype) - I wonder if that would be a more comfortable start!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3cg7y9", "comment_id": "csvy75a"}, {"question": "Can migraines cause lesions even if you've stopped them with medication?", "description": "I recently read a study that of patients with migraines, 30% had brain lesions. I'm worried because I have crippling, screaming, bed-ridden migraines that can come as often as twice a month. I recently started taking extra strength asprin (+caffeine) at the first sign to avoid as many as possible for fear that this was occurring. But I'm curious if the damage still happens. \n\nFemale\n30\n5'3\"\n120\nCaucasian\nLifelong occurrences\nCause is severe scoliosis\nOnly OTC meds", "answer": "MRI changes in people with migraines are a fairly new discovery. They're also not directly my area of medicine, but I haven't seen anything that compares imaging with untreated vs treated migraines. Regardless, if not for structural reasons than to reduce your own pain and discomfort, I would recommend seeing a doctor for your migraines. There are headache specialists, usually neurologists, but initial management can often be done by your primary care doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ahg5pt", "comment_id": "eeebzte"}, {"question": "What are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "I just wondered if I may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as I've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.\n\nAlso, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that I may be schizoid, for instance? Simply because they're looking for something specific?\n\nI'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, I just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "It does happen, but I would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist.  Asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better.  The best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist.  I did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.\n\nFriendly Reminder:\nIn 21 days, a new Diagnositic and Statistical Manual will be released and Asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world.  Instead, there will be Autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.\n\nIt is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "c9qz4ub"}, {"question": "Help - Does depression make you dumber/slower?", "description": "I'm a senior in college and I've been struggling so much lately to keep up with my pitiful three classes. Topics and concepts that my peers grasp immediately I take much longer to understand; generally I process things *much* slower and it's driving me nuts. I want to chalk it up to depression, which I have been diagnosed with, but maybe I'm just slower in general? I'm working in a group project and when we have meetings everyone has these brilliant ideas and I'm stuck going, \"wait guys, I'm confused... slow down.\" And my memory is just shit. \n\n\nSchool is exacerbating my depression so much and I wish I could just sit and do nothing all day but of course that's not a good option. I desperately want to drop out so I can do things that make me feel happy and not like like a complete imbecile. If I can't handle three undergrad classes, how will I possible handle the \"real world\" and a career and all that? And no, I'm not even in a particularly difficult major.\n\n\nDo you experience this general feeling of mental slowness? Like you take longer to understand things and are not very quick-witted or sharp?", "answer": "They call it \"psychomotor retardation\" - a general slowing-down of mental and/or physical activity - and it is one of the possible symptoms of depression. Difficulty concentrating is another one. I can also relate to what Xeltoor's saying; it's probably hard to focus on school when your inner voice is scolding you about \"how do you expect to handle the 'real world'?\" and all that. It sounds like you're getting treatment (?), which is great. It takes time.\n\nAlso, you mentioned two desires - \"I wish I could just sit and do nothing all day\" and \"I want to do things that make me feel happy\" - and I just wanted to point out that the desire to do nothing is probably depression-related (even if you've always liked doing nothing, depression REALLY makes you want to zone out or sleep), while the desire to do things that make you feel happy is quite healthy. For me, the trick was knowing which was which.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "18xku7", "comment_id": "c8iyt22"}, {"question": "My mom is absolutely convinced there are worms living in her skin. Please help.", "description": "Female, early 40\u2019s, I don\u2019t think she has other medical conditions. She is a recovered alcoholic and hasn\u2019t drank in years. \n\nDuration of complaint: almost a year\n\nLocation: primarily in her hands. \n\nOk, so, my MIL randomly started complaining of tiny worms in her skin. She has shredded her hands from picking and squeezing and scratching. Doctors aren\u2019t helping her. \n\nI don\u2019t see anything, but my boyfriend thinks he saw a little worm once. She keeps a bag of these \u201cworms\u201d but they just look like chunks of dead skin. \n\nToday she sent me a video of \u201cproof\u201d of one of these worms and I don\u2019t know what to think. It just looks like a silver hair, but one end of it is moving all around, like a worm. But the rest of it is perfectly still. I don\u2019t know. \n\nWe all thought it was some sort of mental thing but I\u2019m not so sure now. \n\nCan anyone tell me what to do here? Are there any type of worms that live in skin and are like thin white strings? What doctor do we even go to about this? \n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "Any suspicion on cocaine use (or withdrawal for that matter)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dn2e6x", "comment_id": "f57f8im"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Also please  try to get help for you and your friend. You don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8yehl"}, {"question": "Feeling anxiety when talking to moderately attractive women or figures of authority", "description": "Hi everyone,\n\nI am 24 year old male and new to this sub-reddit. I think I have somewhat of a social anxiety disorder. This is especially true when talking to moderately attractive women or figure of authority ( at work for example). I have to admit that I have never asked a girl out in my entire life, by fear of rejection ( although I did have 2 girlfriends).\n\nBelow are some of the symptoms I feel when facing these social situations:\n\n1.I feel like I become conscious of my eye contact. For example I manually tell myself okay, lets make 5 seconds of eye contact then lets look away for 3 seconds. This thought process doesn't occur when I am not anxious. When talking to someone, I feel like I focus more on giving a good impression than on the interaction itself.\n\n2.I also feel like I have to focus on breathing correctly.\n\n3 I say really weird stuff and I tend to not articulate properly.\n\n\nFrom what I read online I think I might be triggering the FFF response in these kind of situations. Is there something I can do on my own before seeking help from a specialist?", "answer": "First, I think the best thing you could do is work with a therapist to help with this.  There are plenty of things you or anyone can do to help with social anxiety, but think of it like going to the gym.  Most people can go to the gym and see good results, but if you have a personal trainer, it's much more likely you'll see results much better/faster and reduce the risk of hurting yourself.  Works the same for therapy in most cases.  \n\n\nThe best thing you can do on your own is to just practice putting yourself in anxiety producing situations, triggering your flight/fight/freeze response and doing your best to see through the situation regardless.  Over time, the severity of your anxiety will be reduced.  \n\nTry your best to completely ignore the eye contact portion of social interactions, especially this idea of (making too much eye contact).  Generally, if you're living in a Western country, the expectation is for full eye contact throughout an entire conversation so being self-conscious over making too much is all in your head.  Granted, the expectation for eye contact differs with other cultures and might be worth taking into consideration.  \n\n-Forget about articulating things properly.  Nobody else cares as much as you do.  In most cases, people won't even have picked up on half the mistakes you were aware about and beat yourself up over.  \n\n\nStay focused on your breathing however if you begin to become overwhelmed.  Long, slow, deep breaths will help to calm your nervous system and help reduce or cope with the physical anxiety symptoms.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8jczu5", "comment_id": "dyypk88"}, {"question": "Confused about my dads cancer biopsy", "description": "Father \n59 Years old\n6\u20194\u201d\nUS\nHad Stage 3 cancer now it\u2019s back \n\nMy father\u2019s throat/neck cancer is back and as they found a spot on a salivary gland. They did a biopsy to confirm and came back positive for the cancer. While my dad was talking to the doctor on the phone the doctor stated the PET scan would be next Friday. My dad replied by asking if it is to see if it has spread and the doctor stated yes. Now, my dad is convinced this means the doctor thinks it has spread but how would he know? I just wanted to get some opinions before I try to put him at a little bit of ease. Would there be a way for a doctor to know it spread from the neck to another part of the body solely based on a biopsy? ", "answer": "No. As the doctor said, the PET scan is to see *if* it has spread, and if so where, because that has implications for treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9bnzyn", "comment_id": "e54fczh"}, {"question": "How can I help my wheelchair bound wife increase blood flow to her leg to avoid amputation above the knee.", "description": "35\nFemale\n5'4\"\n140lbs\nCaucasion\n3 months\nChicago\n\nCar accident in 2003. Severed and reattached left foot/ankle. Car accident in 2020. Shattered knees shin bones foot and ankle currently held in place with external fixture from mid shin down on same leg/foot. Failed skin graft basically her leg is dying. \n\nPain meds\n\nDoctor today said blood flow was too weak to do below knee amputation and ordered a ct. We are trying to do anything to avoid above the knee amputation. What can we do at home to increase blood flow before this test next week to make it more likely they don't take her whole leg. Thank you\n\nFoot left https://imgur.com/gallery/MMVxkLF", "answer": "This is a question for doctors. In general, vascular surgeons are the experts in ways to salvage limbs and improve blood flow. With enough damage, sometimes it just can't be done. If there were a good thing to do at home, you would have been told.\n\nI'm sorry for you and your wife. Car crash injuries can be devastating and it doesn't all stop at the moment of the crash.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "k5mssp", "comment_id": "ggaop79"}, {"question": "Too much of a good thing?", "description": "Hey, guys! \n\nNew to everything, made this account in a bit of a panic so that I could get some opinions. Next doctor\u2019s appointment is a month away so I\u2019m a little desperate. \n\nAnywho, I was prescribed 20mg of Adderall XR a few months ago (this was after a lengthy process of confirming that I had ADHD, and that this medicine was the correct next move to treat it) and the results have been really great. I take it, and about an hour later I feel quite extraordinary; focused, confident, sociable, and in a way very excited to be alive. It\u2019s a sort of contentment I have never felt before. Naturally, this has me worried. \n\nI can\u2019t stop wondering if it\u2019s working too well, or that I\u2019m getting too much of the medicine and what I\u2019m feeling isn\u2019t consistency or focus, but euphoria. I keep wondering if it\u2019s somehow getting me \u2018high\u2019 (I\u2019ve always been a total dork and have never used any drugs, and also barely ever drink so I don\u2019t have a great frame of reference). \n\nSometimes at the mid point of the day I\u2019ll start to sink a little, and the excitement of being alright with wear off. It never returns to the way it was before the medicine, but there are declines and slumps. I\u2019ve become so worried about those slumps that I have started to obsess over them while I\u2019m still feeling great, and I think that\u2019s forcing me into a slump like some kind of neurotic self-fulfilling prophecy. \n\nIs this even possible? Is my medicine getting me high? Am I crashing?\n\nIs this all just me being anxious and sabotaging myself?\n\nI\u2019d love to know if anyone else goes through this, and if so, how I can stop worrying about the slump so much that it kills the focus. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "I'm a therapist.  I've struggled with ADHD seemingly since I was a teenager but was never diagnosed or medicated until a little over a year ago (I'm 32 now).  I take 10mg Adderall twice a day.  Once with breakfast and once with lunch.  \n\n\nFor about the first week of taking it I did feel very slightly \"high\" as I was adjusting to it.  Other than it being a stimulant, I think part of feeling good, confident, sociable is that for us folks with ADHD, it's really going to help kill a lot of your stress and anxiety that you're just used to walking around with all the time.  \n\n\nFor instance, even on good happy days prior to being medicated, my mind was still always racing.  I used to tell folks that half the time my inner monologue seemed like one of those fast talking auctioneers.  Whether I was happy or not, that shit is exhausting.  I never realized just how exhausting because it was just \"my normal\" for as far back as I could remember.  Not having to deal with that all the time helps me feel good, more confident, sociable, and yes.... excited to be alive now that I don't have to deal with all the struggles I've dealt with regarding ADHD as much.  \n\n\nI don't know how long you've been taking it, but for me, after a few months I got used to it.  I still feel great but it doesn't feel like \"Oh....yep....that's definitely gotta be the meds.\"  It feels more like \"Okay.... this is how people without ADHD feel.  Cool.\"\n\n\nI don't take my meds on most weekends because anyone taking them can build up a  tolerance.  I don't want to have to take any more than I am now to get the same effect.  When I don't take them, I go back to being pretty scattered on the weekend, but if I don't have any major responsibilities, I'm okay with that.  \n\n\nThere is a crash when the meds start to wear off, especially when you're not taking XR.  Right before I'm due for my second dose or when that's wearing off and I'm on my way home, often I'll feel a little extra anxious and up tight.  It usually only lasts about an hour before I calm down.  It's just something I've gotten used to and figure is well worth it for 8-9 hours of being able to function like a \"normal human\" during the day.    ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aqyhzo", "comment_id": "egjj5uu"}, {"question": "Any tips for getting motivated as a college student with ADHD?", "description": "I just finished my first year of college and I realized about halfway through something wasn't adding up and started to have suspicions that I had ADHD-my dad and sister also have symptoms but never got tested. \n**I have tried to form better work habits, and it has improved some, but overall it feels like i am fighting a losing battle**. The only thing that motivated me through the last two quarters to get decent grades was the fear of being lesser than everyone(unhealthy mindset, i know). But now that i'm taking only one summer class. i just can't bring myself to even try. Deep down I am very ambitious, I just have failed to put in the necessary effort. and i HATE myself for it. I do have long term depression which I am successfully being treated for- wellbutrin has worked better than any other ssri I tried for motivation but I am still not where I should be. \n\nI got tested for ADHD and find out my results tomorrow but am 99% sure that my suspicions are right.\n\nI was wondering if anyone would have things i can try to motivate me and make it easier to bring myself to just getting the necessities done/what has worked for you. I am taking on a very difficult course load this upcoming year and am scared shitless that i won't be able to get through it though I desperately want to.\n\nTLDR; **if i am prescribed something I will say yes, but the reason i'm looking to try behavioral changes is because I am on my parent's insurance and they are strongly opposed to ADHD medications. My mom is very blatantly ignorant and doesn't understand that my academic struggles are not entirely under my control. So there is a possibility she will force me to give up any medication I am prescribed even though I am over the legal adult age.**", "answer": "Learn what works for you. \n\nGoing into uni is the ONLY way I get anything done. \n\nFor assignments I write a little at a time. I plan to do an intro and that's it, often getting into it gets me motivated to carry on. \n\nTIME MANAGEMENT IS YOUR FRIEND. Set your own deadlines they are smaller so instead of \"write assignment by due date\" do \"Set up title page today\" and \"write 200 words tomorrow\". It's so much easier.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cahxoj", "comment_id": "et9dzn7"}, {"question": "Scared to take my new meds.", "description": "42, female, 5'6\", 200 lbs., Caucasian.\n\nBipolar disorder, anxiety disorder with panic attacks.\n\nCitalopram 40 mg 1/per day. Buspirone 20 mg 3/day.\n\nSo I started seeing a new doctor a few months ago (he's 2 blocks away compared to 20 miles), and he changed my meds from escitalopram to elavil. It helped me get to sleep at night, but it didn't help my anxiety at all, which triggered panic attacks. 2 weeks ago, he put me back on citalopram (Celexa and lexapro have worked well for me, but I get sleep issues). When I went then, my blood pressure was about 140/110. It is normally around 120/70. We agreed that it was likely due to the anxiety and, while I am certainly feeling better, I am also certainly still anxious. Yesterday, I went back for follow up, and my blood pressure was around 140/100. I could tell when I walked in that my blood pressure was high. He has prescribed chlorthalidone 25 mg once per day.\n\nI am scared to take it. My blood pressure feels fine, and I'm afraid that it will lower it to dangerous levels. My anxiety is centered around my health, so I'm sure I'm being silly, but would really like some reassurance from a medical professional. \n\nThank you so much for your time and for everything that you do for free to help the people of this sub.", "answer": "If you have bipolar, have you been tried on any mood stabilisers (eg Lithium)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y05p0", "comment_id": "d6k3tuk"}, {"question": "I'm Afraid to Incite a Family Investigation", "description": "Hi, everyone. I've been thinking about seeing a counselor more recently these past few years to discuss my mental health, which I think stems from (basically) a pretty poor quality of domestic living. I don't think there would be much reason for this now, but I'm afraid that what I'd disclose to my counselor would make them legally obligated to investigate my immediate family... I'm guessing as long as my younger brother is still underage. Could this be true?\n\nThis is a major point of contention for me if so, because I don't want anything to be unnecessarily shaken up in my family's home life while I'm temporarily depending on them for some financial aid. Is there any way I could avoid this? (I live in a different city now if that matters)\n\nI've looked into online counseling resources to try and avoid in-person counseling, like [7cupsoftea](www.7cupsoftea.com) but I feel like my background is just too inter-wound in varying acting forces and emotions to sum it up in a chatbox. \n\nI'm not very active on Reddit heh, so thanks in advance. I'll pop back eventually and read any constructive responses. :)", "answer": "Counselors (and indeed all therapists, including psychologists and psychiatrists) are bound by their respective Codes of Ethics.  Across the board, one of the ethical principles they operate under is confidentiality. Nothing you say to them can be repeated without your express written permission.\n\nTherapists may only break confidentiality under a few tightly defined circumstances. \n\n1. **In the case of a client being an imminent danger to himself or others.** Note that the client must be an *imminent* danger.  This means that they are going to commit suicide or assault/kill someone that day, or have immediate, executable plans to do so.  In this case, ethics dictates that we break confidentiality in order to ensure that this doesn't happen.\n\n2. **In the case of a subpoena from a court of law.** If a judge shows up with a subpoena, we're required to hand all our records over.  It's very rare that this happens.\n\n3. **In the case of a client reporting an inappropriate sexual relationship with another therapist.**  That's a big no-no in the field.  \n\n4. **In the case of a client reporting child or elderly abuse.** Most codes of ethics dictate that a therapist should break confidentiality when they learn of a child or elderly person being abused, for their protection.\n\nIt's important to note that each of these circumstances depends on the therapist's definition of what constitutes a situation that falls into these categories.  What may be child abuse to one therapist may not be child abuse to another.  What may be imminent danger to one may not be imminent danger to another.  Even when circumstances do squarely fall into one of these categories, the clinician may decide that it is better for the therapeutic process to maintain confidentiality.\n\nIf you seek out a therapist, talk to them about these concerns.  Let them know that you don't want confidentiality broken, and ask them under which circumstances they would break confidentiality.  Then go from there.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4asifp", "comment_id": "d13fh7l"}, {"question": "Depressed and coping with a family member's addiction. Any help will be very appreciated.", "description": "Hello- this is my first time posting on reddit, ever. I just stumbled along this subreddit and was hoping I could just get some advice, or perhaps just vent. \n\nI'm 18 years old, I've had cycles of depression since I was 13. At the start, it was bullying but we moved and it's become so so much better- my school life is good now. However, when I was 14 I found texts between my dad and a prostitute. As I would later discover, he's been a sex addict for 20 years. My world was literally ripped apart, I was exposed to this disgusting side of a person and a world at an age where I don't think I completely understood what sex was. I told my mom- who had already known for years- and we begged him to stop, get sober and seek help. I found new texts 2 weeks later. \n\nThe past 4 years have been hell. It's been cycles of forgiving him, getting close to him, trusting him only for him to break my heart again. He refuses to get long-term help, lies constantly to our faces and breaks my trust over and over again. It feels like a never ending emotionally abusive cycle that I can never break. \n\n A month ago, my sister found texts for the first time. **She's 14.** My mom has been diagnosed with a form of PTSD coupled with depression. She has no self worth anymore. Last month when my sister found those texts, there was a lot of crying and yelling and he promised, swore he'd get help, begged for a final, last chance. He started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings and following the 12 step program. \n\nI found texts from another prostitute from last night. The amount of times I have to read explicit details about what my father wants from a woman- I have no clue how messed up I am or how my future relationships will be because of this. It hurts so much to think of that. There was another period of yelling and crying last night. He's staying at a hotel for now. This is starting to effect my studies, my life. I have no will to do anything anymore. \n\nThank you for reading- any advice or comments would mean the world to me. ", "answer": "Sendlord gives some good advice.  Getting into your own therapy to process all of this is probably the best thing you can do.  I can't tell you how many adults I've provided therapy for who were in therapy specifically to learn how to overcome the damage done by being raised by parents with significant mental health issues.  Despite all the help, 12 step programs like AA and NA are rarely very effective.  There's always a few people you can point to and say \"well they did it and they've been sober or for ____ years\" but all in all the overwhelming majority of people don't get better from a 12 step program without also getting some therapy focused on mental health.  \n\nAlthough 12 steps groups like AA and NA are generally and statistically not very helpful for those addicted (by themselves), groups that are set up for family members of addicts (Al Anon, Nar Anon) I'm sure there's some for family members of sex addicts though may be harder to find, are extremely helpful for those coping with family members with addictions.  Consider finding and joining a support group for family members.  \n\nAt the end of the day, remember your father's decisions, while causing havoc in your present, only has to impact your future as much as you let it.  Once you have the ability to be independent, you get to decide how close or distant you want/need to be from him in order to be healthy yourself, and there's nothing wrong with setting that boundary.  \n\nSorry to hear you're going through this and best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zdcha", "comment_id": "dungh40"}, {"question": "What to do with Ex GF (long)", "description": "So,  I have an ex that I dated for 2 years after which we broke it off on good terms but still stayed in contact.   We still love each other and talk once every 2-3 months.  We talk about everything including current relationships (we don't share details).  \n\nAnyway, I have a problem with alcohol and this Ex helped me a lot when we were together and even after we broke up.  About 6 months ago  I completely screwed up and started drinking heavily, now am in a very bad place with the alcohol.\n\nSince I screwed up, I haven't talked to this Ex ignoring her email/calls primarily because, I am so embarrassed with what i have done to myself.  I want to talk to her because she always helps me and gives me good advice.  \n\nHowever, I know that alcohol hurt our relationship and it is always a topic when we talk.  I am just so sick and tired of always having to lean on her for help with this problem and often wonder why she even wants to put up with me and my problems.  It has gotten very repetitive and I feel like if she finds out how far I have fallen, she will loose the little respect she has for me. \n\nSo yesterday I got a voice mail from her wondering if I was okay since we hadn't talked in a long time (6-8m).  \n\nHow do I let her know I am okay physically but, going through a tough time currently and that I don't want to talk to her about this problem?\n\nI have thought about emailing her instead of calling but, i am not sure what to write.\n\nany help would be appreciated.", "answer": "I was in a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. I got sober after we started dating. I went to AA meetings and they helped tremendously; however, once I was sobered-up I stopped going and fell out of touch with my sober friends. \n\nAfter my gf and I broke up, I realized there was a serious co-dependence issue going on between us. As much as I didn't think it was so while we were dating, my sobriety was tied to her. Once we broke up I was at the point where I was going to start drinking/doing drugs again, but instead I drove to a meeting and have been going back ever since. IMO, meetings definitely help. Take and leave from them what you will. As for the whole God thing, AA talks about a higher power as you understand him, so it leaves it kind of open-ended.\n\nUltimately you need to deal with and come to terms with your alcohol problem without the assistance of your ex. Stop being dependent on her advice, etc. to help you, and start taking the problem into your own hands. Put down the drink. It's not your hurt feelings, depression, etc. that are bringing you to drink, it's the fact that you want to drink that is making you do it. Take responsibility for the personal choice. Go to meetings, talk to a counselor, whatever you find that works. But don't be afraid to try new things.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "adi4g", "comment_id": "c0h1rbd"}, {"question": "Is modern psychotherapy a ripoff?", "description": "This is an x-post form /r/askpsychology, I'm hoping to find a more impartial angle here. \n\nIn most areas of medicine, or matters dealing with fixing one's self, there's a clear problem and a clear set of possible solutions. If you pay for a cure or a treatment and you don't get better, you stop paying for that cure or that treatment and you pay for another and hope it works out better. With psychotherapy on the other hand, it's never exactly clear if anything has been cured or treated. There's no finish line to say you're better and you can go home. IME, therapy comes to an end due to 'quitting' or 'taking a break', but not because anything was ever 100% fixed. \n\nWhy I believe it might be a scam is because you have this situation where the end goal is impossible to identify, the practitioner gets paid on an hourly basis, and they continue to earn money so long as you are not cured or fully treated, which is unlike most other areas of medicine, and a lot more like fortune telling or chiropractice. \n\nOther aspects that concern me are the tendency for sessions to last one hour. Personally, any time I have a discussion of deep substance with anyone, it lasts two to three hours. The first hour is consumed entirely with just opening up. It seems to me that one hour increments almost insure that progress will be limited and leave things undressed and unexplored. \n\nMore than anything though is the financial conflict of interest, in that the way a therapist makes the most money is not by correcting problems, but by sustaining them for as long as they possibly can, so that the patient/customer will have to return the next week. \n\nThe folks in /r/askpsychology were quick to point out that psychotherapists are licensed and that ripping off patients is an unethical thing to do. That doesn't exactly quell my underlying concerns. I have family who may need help, but so far I've been highly suspicious of the therapist's motivation to my family as a patient and not a continuous paycheck. Your thoughts are very welcome.", "answer": "I suppose it depends on the practitioner, and on the initial reason why each people seek therapy. Some practitioners are great, many are average, and some are ineffective. Some people seek therapy for a specific issue, whereas some people use therapy as an exploration in addition to improving their wellbeing. And of course, many present with several issues needing to be addressed. Some only require a few visits, some require ongoing work- even at a maintenance level, some may not benefit from one approach but may from another, and some do not benefit (for whatever reason).\n\nI've known many people who have successfully completed a course of psychotherapy. A whole host of research literature indicates that many people do benefit and see significant symptom reductions after undergoing psychotherapy. \n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3hne30", "comment_id": "cu902fv"}, {"question": "Anxiety or is it something worse", "description": "Greetings.  32 y/o male, 175 pounds.\n\nThis past month I have been experiencing trouble with my equilibrium, kind of feels like dizziness/vertigo, constant.  I have not fallen or anything like that and can walk/run no problem, thank god knock on wood.  Cognitive function is good and no memory problems, no problems moving my other limbs.\n\nMy GP initially suspected BPPV but is not so sure.  It feels like I\u2019m a rocking boat most of the time.  I also get these periodic \u201cbrain zaps\u201d, like an electric sensation that goes through my brain, lasts a split second but enough to frighten the daylights out of me.  I do have tinnitus, most likely from a lifetime of headphone use and concert going.  Constant headache/brain fog, feels like the back/top of my head.  No hearing loss as confirmed by two audiologists and one (very dismissive) ENT, who did not take my complaints seriously and implied I had mental health issues.  \n\nI have moved to a new city, have a new GP, who is referring me to a new ENT, and MRI/CT scheduled.\n\nNo current drugs.  I have a severe Vitamin D deficiency I am working on correcting, just started supplementing  last week.\n\nAll my life I have been a very healthy individual, prone to ear infections, but other than that, nothing.\n\nSome have suggested anxiety, looking at other possibilities or anything of note.\n\nThank you for your time, this is a trying time in my life.\n", "answer": "Anxiety usually makes you feel *anxious* and not like you're literally on shaky ground.\n\nBPPV usually comes episodically, not constantly; you can have some feeling of dizziness between episodes, but it should have distinct peaks and troughs. If it's really constant, that argues a little bit against a vestibular problem and more for neurology. Or anxiety, but I'd still call that a diagnosis of exclusion.\n\nTreatment of BPPV is straightforward and benign if you can find someone who knows how to do Epley/Sermont maneuvers. Physical therapists are a decent bet in my (limited) experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b3vu5", "comment_id": "dx3tly6"}, {"question": "I finally call to set up an appointment with a therapist and the front desk person kept laughing at me", "description": "So I finally called for an appointment for a therapist for the first time by myself. It took me 4 weeks to get ready to and was overwhelming but I finally did it. The only problem is... It sounded like the the person at the front desk was laughing at me. I felt humiliated a bit. When she was asking questions I kind of screwed up on answering some of them like my own address and after I had corrected myself she started laughing and it wasn't like a nervous laugh for me it was a full blown out laugh.\n\nIt blew my confidence I set up going into finally calling down the drain because of that I started stumbling on other questions more and everytime I would mess up or say sorry or correct myself she would burst out laughing and it didn't help at one point it felt like she was whispering at one point to someone while I was looking for my insurance information and she also couldn't tell if I was female or male. I sound like a male over the phone and I know that but it was embarrassing. \n\nI know I shouldn't be worrying as much because she's the front desk person but it was just rude and I felt like I didn't say anything that was worth laughing at. I had questions to ask her but I forgot because I was thinking to much into why she was laughing. I'm feeling really anxious to go now and I don't want her to be the reason I don't show up either. I feel like this is what's it going to be like talking to the therapist. He might laugh at me as well or in the inside. I don't know but could be the way I talk so now I'm self conscious again. I really hate all of this.. ", "answer": "Why are 90% of the responses here invalidating and condescending and most of all excusing the unprofessional professional. I'd let an employee do this just nonce. The first time they laughed at a potential client I'd let them go. It's because of exactly this situation where you can't control how someone takes it but you know that the person calling is struggling just to make the call. \n\nI hope you are able to make the appointment and that you can get what you need from the therapist. I completely believe that the assistant was being insensitive and judgemental. Excusing it makes it seem like this couldn't happen and it's just your fault for overreacting. That's BS. Anxiety, especially social anxiety thrives on this exact dynamic where many people are just not that nice and the anxiety knows this and worries about it. \n\nSo maybe go maybe call another place. You have to obligation to follow through if they were insulting. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6k9zq4", "comment_id": "djl1c4n"}, {"question": "Medication issues.", "description": "Hi, I'm a 19 year old female, who is 6ft tall and weighs around 23st (322lbs)\nI'm a type 2 diabetic and have also recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. \nI'm very stressed at the moment, as both of the medications I've been given for my BPD (Aripiprazole and Mirtazapine) can both make you gain weight. I also take Metformin for my diabetes, which is supposed to be weight gain promoting (although this isn't working for me)\nI don't want to gain weight; is the best option here to stop taking the psychiatric medication, or carry on and worsen the effects of my diabetes?", "answer": "UK shrink here.\nYoull have to make a judgement call on the meds with your prescriber. Theres no medication specifically for emotionally unstable personality disorder - but the medication can relieve distress or deal with any comorbid psychiatric illness.\n\nTalking therapies are more appropriate - any chance of accessing that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77wosp", "comment_id": "dopvrt7"}, {"question": "Daily Check-in Thread - October 18, 2018", "description": "Welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. Feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). You may also visit our new reddit chat room\nwww.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "2 1/2 days in from a CT after jumping at 12mg. I came down with bronchitis and laryngitis a couple of days before. Please tell me this gets better.  I\u2019ve used ambien 3 nights in a row and I\u2019m beating the shit out of myself for being dependent on something else. Luckily I have off work all week through the weekend because of the doctor\u2019s note. Idk how anyone could be doing this while working. I\u2019m also giving myself hell for not moving around or doing anything but I have no fucking energy. ", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9p6wys", "comment_id": "e7ztnru"}, {"question": "Depression when starting exposure therapy", "description": "I guess this is to be expected?", "answer": "Depression is common with OCD. Also, expect that your anxiety/ depression will get better and worse while eventually subsiding during the treatment process. \n\nThat being said, bring this up with your therapist during your next meeting. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "5cv7mn", "comment_id": "d9zq6vr"}, {"question": "3 years not drinking", "description": "3 years was on Wednesday. It was a busy week.\n\nAfter 3 years, things are still hard from time to time. I have other issues that I am still working on like my weight.\n\nI\u2019ve gained a lot. I have my own business. I get to help people. I got married. I have financial security. I have friends that care about me. I got my shit together and graduated from university. The biggest thing I\u2019ve gained is freedom from the chains of drinking. \n\nI can\u2019t help but think how easy it would be to lose all of that. I bet I could burn everything down in six months or less if I went back to the bottle.\n\nFor anyone struggling: I know it\u2019s really hard. I know how good it feels to be comforted by your liquid best friend for a short time. You can have so much more and be so much happier. Life is a struggle. Learn to love the struggle and you will find meaning and purpose.\n\nOne day at a time, IWNDWYT.", "answer": "Well done, kind and important words. When you mention the struggle of life it reminded me of a useful strategy I learned from Act therapy. It's called the Struggle switch... see YouTube for it if you thought it might interest you.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfy9wi", "comment_id": "eueaaee"}, {"question": "PLEASE Can someone tell me some inspiring 'did poorly in education but i am fine' stories PLEASE?", "description": "Obviously not that you left your college and became a billionaire and that kind of crap.\n\nI have yet to graduate and even if i do i will graduate with a craptacular grade \n\nI am fat,highly depressed with medication not helping me much.\n\nBut just some assurance  i find nothing interesting and all i think of is suicide the world would be better off without me. No one will hire me i suffer from social anxiety as well it's just bad.", "answer": "My mom never went to college, was on public assistance for a long time. She was able to take her personality and her ability to speak another language and charm her way into an international sales job. She now makes $60k a year and owns a very nice home.\n\nMy dad never went to college, had no direction, worked at several factories and various blue collar jobs when I was young. He ended up homeless for a time, living in a tent in the woods. He had some carpentry skills and free time on his hands being unemployed and started slowly making things that he would turn around and sell at craft fairs. One of the things he made took off and he now owns his own business and employs 15+ people in handmade woodworking.\n\nMy sister was a teen mom. She flunked out of high school and then flunked out of her GED program.  Several years later she finally got the GED, but ended up flunking out of three community colleges. Took some years off to waitress, finally decided what she wanted to do with her life and then went back to CC. Once she got good grades there she was able to apply for scholarships to a 4 year college. She graduated with her BA a few years ago and landed a job as a manager at a company. She's doing ok now.\n\nIt can be done! Find what you're good at.... Keep doing that... Become more skilled to the point people will pay you for doing it. Academia is not for everyone, and it shouldn't be. Everyone is gifted in different ways.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1trcgo", "comment_id": "ceax1iv"}, {"question": "Got drunk, had fun, didn't smoke", "description": "Spent the night out drinking and dancing, people were smoking inside, but I didn't smoke. This is a major victory for me!\n\nI wanted to bum a smoke on more than one occasion throughout the night, but I didn't. I remembered how shit I felt when I caved during my previous quits, I never want to feel that again.\nI also figured out that you don't need cigarettes to have fun while out. I focussed my attention on the music, dancing and on conversation. I still need to get used to doing nothing with my mouth and hands besides drinking, though.\n\n", "answer": "Congrats! That's one of my hardest situations, too. Drinking and cigarettes. Must feel great to have overcome that! Keep it up!", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "6tenb2", "comment_id": "dlk4ldw"}, {"question": "Girlfriend advice please", "description": "I am 22 and I've been dating the same girl for seven years. I love her so much and she loves me. During the first year of our relationship I found out she cheated on me (not sex but everything else) with her ex. I stayed with her because she seemed so remorseful and everything else. Through the years all has been well other than a couple guy friends she has had that I had to tell her to cut off because she was either spending an abnormal amount of time with them or there were a few texts that I saw that I didn't like. Just recently I noticed she went on her exs fb and looked through his profile pics and also I saw her texting a guy she just met and the texts just didn't sit well with me as she was talking about personal stuff.. (I won't go into detail). Also she snapchats him and follows him on Instagram and fb and they literally just met. Anyways, what should I do in this situation? She's not going behind my back or anything, but it's just not something I think she should be doing when we are literally talking about getting engaged!!", "answer": "She doesn't seem to want the kind of relationship you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idqyq", "comment_id": "dj5e3yr"}, {"question": "Cheating: To tell the truth or not to tell the truth", "description": "[18F] 2 months ago I started seeing this guy who I wasn't sure about at first but decided to give him a chance. As the relationship progressed I started falling for him more and more and now I'm completely in love with him and he treats me so well. As I said before I've never been in a serious so this is uncharted territory. \n\nLast night I went out with friends and got extremely drunk (to the point where I eventually passed out and don't remember much) and made out with a friend's friend multiple times who I had told earlier that night that I was in a relationship. After the incident I immediately went to the bathroom and started crying because I was so upset that I would do something like that to him because I love him so much and then I passed out. The guy that I made out with was also interested in two other girls there that were also in relationships. \n\nThis morning when I woke up I was still sick and vomiting and my boyfriend came and took care of me  which made me feel even worse and I felt terrible even talking to him - I couldn't look him in the eye, I felt so guilty. \n\nPlease give me advice on whether or not I should tell him and if so how to word it so as to not damage him. It's not a matter of my conscience but rather how it would affect him. The kiss meant nothing to me and isn't an indicator of how I feel about him and I really don't want to lose him. He's extremely in touch with his emotions and I really don't know how he's going to take it. ", "answer": "unless guilt will cause you infinite pain, don't tell him. you didn't have sex. no chance of disease. let it go and move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l9nl5", "comment_id": "djs4iy1"}, {"question": "Black circles!", "description": "Hey all, \nOne of my biggest triggers for my bulimia is face fat. I've noticed the more I restrict or binge/purge the eyebags get WORSE. Seriously, it looks like I've been punched. My biggest insecurity was my face and now I'm making my face hard to look at because of these black circles. Has anyone else got these? It makes me wonder why I do this at all. Maybe it could be my wake up call", "answer": "I get faint dark marks but the little red dots are my giveaway that I\u2019ve purged recently.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hrzjx0", "comment_id": "fyakqtc"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (26f) diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Is it possible for me to be in a healthy and loving relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m so sick of hearing \u201cif you can\u2019t love yourself you can\u2019t love someone else.\u201d I read into Brene brown and her study of vulnerability and I get where this is based off of, but I am sickened by the idea that I can\u2019t love or it can\u2019t be healthy because I have a disorder. Essentially, from what I\u2019ve read, it\u2019s the general understanding that borderlines cant truly love because they don\u2019t have a sense of self or empathy. So, am I just doomed then? \n\nI\u2019m human too. I\u2019m not just my disorder. I love and I love hard, why don\u2019t I deserve to have that chance at happiness to?", "answer": "Yes, you (and others with BPD) absolutely can be in healthy loving relationships. There is a book many of my clients like and recommend called, \"Loving someone with borderline personality disorder\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bz7tes", "comment_id": "eqrdxvm"}, {"question": "This is becoming too much for me, I need advice on what to do", "description": "I may seem really petty saying this, but petty is my middle name and i gotta vent it out. \n\nmy ex and i recently broke up and hes doing things specifically to try and impress me to try and go out again. (note: the breakup was very healthy and there were no fights or yelling or anything like that. we are still friends)\n\nlike i said that i was going to get my haircut done in a undercut and i was really really excited to change up my hair style(ive had the same haircut for 6 years) but then he gets it cut as an undercut three days after i said that. now it would be kinda awkward to go to school with the same haircut as your ex. also he was planning on growing it out for years and having really long hair. cutting it was something out of the ordinary for him. and yeah i know that people can change, but this was JUST after i had said that and JUST after we broke up ((i actually feel pretty bad about this. i really wanted to cut my hair and this kinda ruined it. that sounds mean but ehhhh i dont even know anymore))\n\nive also gotten into flight rising, which is a site similarish to neopets but with dragons and i said 'i love dragons' and he said the most run on-forced thing ive ever heard my entire life...he said something along the lines of \"i love dragons. they are the best. if i had to choose a favorite mythological creature it would be dragons. i love them, they are the best. i would own lots of dragons\" ....and it went on. it felt SO forced and its hard to explain but it just didnt feel right or sincere\n\nalso another thing out of the ordinary is that he changed his username online. maybe he thinks that it would be more interesting and ill go out with him again but i just cant force romantic feelings for him. keep in mind that hes had the same username for the past 10 YEARS. so its kinda really suspicious\n\ni could be overthinking things but i need help on what to do. how do i confront him on this, or should i even confront him? is this something i should ignore or talk to him about it? i still wanna be his friend but i cant be romantically/sexually invested in him anymore. \n\nalso does anybody know whats even going on? i tend to overthink things alot and i dont know if hes still not over me...or if its something else\n", "answer": "Distance yourself from him like a majestic dragon distances itself from the soul sucking gravity of earth. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aamb2", "comment_id": "dhd1wr1"}, {"question": "Is it possible to exhibit symptoms of ADHD without having it?", "description": "I've looked at a couple questionnaires about ADHD and a lot of their symptoms seem like problems a lot of normal people have (procrastinating, not paying attention to people speaking, being disorganized, etc). In addition to having those symptoms, I am also very fidgety, lose things often, have a poor sense of direction, and work more slowly than most people. When I'm under pressure, I am more focused, faster, and make a lot fewer careless mistakes. However, usually, I have to slowly grind to get work done.\n\nOn paper, most people would consider me successful, which suggests that I don't have a mental disorder, so I'm confused as to why I seem to exhibit most of the symptoms.\n\nEdit: I'm in the US", "answer": "Mental health diagnoses are constructs meant to describe a cluster of symptoms. A lot of people think of mental illness as a \"you have it or you don't\" kind of thing (almost like an on/off switch) but in reality they more so fall on a spectrum. Most people will experience some of the synonyms of different mental illnesses at various points in their lives without necessarily meeting the criteria for a diagnosis, let alone feeling any negative impact on their lives. \n\nAlso, one of the requirements for a mental health diagnosis is that it causes impairments in various areas of your life (e.g. work/school, relationship). You might show a couple of the symptoms of ADHD because a lot of the symptoms are things that many people do experience at some points, without it negatively impacting your career. \n\nBesides that, though, plenty of people with ADHD are completely successful in school/work. If you're concerned that you might have ADHD/it's negatively affecting you, get in touch with a mental health professional. \n\nSource: am therapist", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "63cqc3", "comment_id": "dft6u8w"}, {"question": "Should I ignore random auditory hallucinations ?", "description": "Ive had them for a decade now,Im 29. I didn't even know there was a word to describe it until my friend a few years back mentioned it in a discussion. \n\nIt happens whenever I want to go to sleep but I cant. Im wide awake but know i should be asleep by now.   It sounds like every noise and soundtrack from the pokemon games are playing at once. Its basically as if 10 people were playing with their gameboys volume up in the next room, sometimes in the same room when it gets real bad. Its innocent enough, kind of annoying but I usually just deal with it. \n\n​\n\nLast night I did not hear that. It sounded like.... doors opening and deep wind howling among many other noises. Like my room was much larger than it was? I Just need to know If anyone experiences this and if its common or something our mind just does as a result of stress. Hearing all new noises as if they were right there just alarmed me.  It was actually kind of freighting. I felt my self hone in to single out sounds, almost as if I was moving \" deeper\" into this new found space. But I had this fear that made me just get up and shake it off because I never ever want to hear a voice, I feel like that would be too much.  \n\n​", "answer": "Hi there! Auditory hallucinations are not always necessarily problematic or symptoms of something serious, like a psychotic disorder. It's not too uncommon for people to experience them as they're trying to fall asleep. Most commonly, they're experienced as voices, so your experience sounds a little less common. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean it's pointing to some greater issue! However, given that hearing these sounds is starting to bothering you, I think it's worth bringing up with a mental health professional!   \n\n\nSource: currently getting my doctorate in clinical psychology", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9gvmuw", "comment_id": "e67k8ll"}, {"question": "HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN", "description": "**This is not my original post, it was written by** ***Nikhin*** **on 28th August 2018, on nosurf.org which has been deleted in last 2-3 month period. I have pulled all this from the web.archive.org (The wayback Machine). I am posting this because i was looking for these resources and i couldn't find them in this Sub.** **All the below experiences are his, not mine. Hope it helps you.**\n\n# HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN\n\nWhen I was younger, I could sit and read for hours. I still remember getting *Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix* and reading the 800 or so pages in one sitting.\n\nFast forward a few years to my freshman year of college and this ability was completely gone. I remember struggling to get through just 30 pages of reading that I had to do for my sociology class. My mind would be swimming by the time I got to the end of a page and after finishing a paragraph, it seemed like I had already forgotten what I had just read.\n\nWhat was happening?\n\nAt first I thought that the college material I was trying to get through was just a lot harder than what I read as a kid. But that wasn\u2019t it. That winter break I picked up the same tattered copy of *Harry Potter* I had read so many years ago.\n\nI could barely read it for half an hour without my brain feeling like it hit a wall.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t just my ability to read either. Other things had changed too. As a kid I was a great student. I was always reading books and learning new things. I had a fascination for the world around me and I loved to build things with my hands.\n\nAs I had gotten older I had slowly started spending more time on the internet and my old interests started to fade. It started with AOL instant messenger. Then playing video games with my friends. Finally to the point where I was just surfing Facebook and random websites in college.\n\nI never made any connections with my internet use and the other changes I had experienced. Until one day it finally clicked. My best friend from college gave me a copy of *The Shallows* by Nicholas Carr. With each page I turned came the dawning realization. The world around me was still the same. It was *my brain* that had changed\u2026\n\nI knew that it wasn\u2019t just me either, I saw the effects in everyone else around me. I would go around giving my copy of *The Shallows* to everyone I knew. Then I realized the irony of the situation. For my friends to know why they couldn\u2019t read books anymore\u2026they had to read a book, which they didn\u2019t have the attention span to actually do.\n\nI decided that I would type up a short summary of what I learned so that people could understand the basics. Then once they had learned enough to reset their attention spans, they could read the books on their own time. So enough chit chat. Let\u2019s dive in.\n\n# Part 1: Neuroplasticity\n\nScientists used to think that our brains were fixed and unchangeable. They thought that brain development was like pouring concrete into a mold. Once it solidified, it was set like that for the rest of your life.\n\nNow we know that the brain can change. This concept is called *neuroplasticity*.\n\n>*Neuroplasticity:the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction.*\n\n*via the Encylopedia Brittanica*\n\nFor NoSurf, we can simplify and adapt neuroplasticity into:\n\n*Our brains will physically change and adapt to the habits we perform every single day. As a result our cognitive abilities, personality traits, and emotional states can all change depending on our habits.*\n\nThis concept of neuroplasticity should be exciting to you. It means that if you\u2019re currently someone who can\u2019t focus, procrastinates, or doesn\u2019t feel that smart in general, it doesn\u2019t mean that your stuck this way forever. Your brain can improve and get better!\n\nBut before it can do that, you have to cut out the bad habits that are causing these issues. The bad habits like social media, gaming, news, and pornography.\n\nIf you\u2019ve been doing those things for a while, you might\u2019ve the following changes:\n\n1. A reduced ability to focus and pay attention to things\n2. Increased boredom or procrastination leading to mindless surfing\n3. A reduced ability to feel motivated and excited for non internet based activities\n\nThese changes are simply the result of repeated interactions with the internet.\n\n# So How Does The Internet Change Our Brains?\n\n>*The Net delivers precisely the kind of sensory and cognitive stimuli \u2013 repetitive, intensive, \u201cinteractive, addictive \u2013 that have been shown to result in strong and rapid alterations in brain circuits and functions. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*  \n>  \n>*We can assume that the neural circuits devoted to scanning, skimming and multitasking are expanding and strengthening, while those used for reading and thinking deeply, with sustained concentration, are weakening or eroding. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*\n\nWhen we browse social media or similar sites we get continuously bombarded with memes, clickbait, and gaudy advertising. Our brains become molded to information that arrives in 140 character tweets, 10 second snap stories, and instagram posts.\n\nWe start to form neural pathways that allow us to multitask, jump quickly from one piece of information to the next, and skim through lots of material without really retaining any of it.\n\nThese adaptations come at a cost. While these new pathways for internet use develop and strengthen, old ones start to fade. We become scatterbrained, frenzied, and continuously distracted. The parts of our mind responsible for deep focus and sustained attention atrophy and weaken.\n\nKey takeaway:\n\nOur minds melt and we turn into screen zombies starved for dopamine.\n\n# Part 2: Dopamine\n\nDopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel motivated to do things. Dopamine is what gets us off the couch to study for our final exams. It\u2019s also what makes us pull out our phones to check Instagram.\n\nDopamine is the driver behind the pursuit of *all* rewards. These rewards can be positive ones:\n\n* pursuing our college degree\n* training for a marathon\n* asking someone out on a date\n\nbut they can also be negative ones:\n\n* eating junk food\n* surfing social media\n* playing hours of video games\n\nFor most of history the things that released dopamine were *physical and tangible*. With the internet, we\u2019ve found that just pixels on a screen are enough to light up our hunter gatherer brains and deliver hit after hit of dopamine.\n\nBecause our philosophy on internet use is pragmatic, our suggestions are to focus on avoiding the most serious offenders first. The platforms on the internet that cause the most dopamine release are below. You can think of these as the mental equivalent of eating KFC, McDonalds, and Taco Bell everyday.\n\nSocial media platforms like:\n\n* Snapchat\n* Twitter\n* Instagram\n* Facebook\n\nVideo games (some games are much worse than others):\n\n* World of Warcraft\n* Hearthstone\n* League of Legends\n* Overwatch\n\nOthers:\n\n* YouTube\n* Clickbait sites\n* Pornography\n* GIFS/Memes sites\n\n## Dopamine Desensitization And Stimulation Threshold\n\nNote: *This is a theory I formulated from reading a few books in this area, most notably Irresistible by Adam Alter.*\n\nEating processed food everyday leads to obesity. What would happen if you consumed social media, video games, porn and other crap everyday? Is there a mental equivalent of obesity? Yes it leads to something called *dopamine desensitization*.\n\nWhen our brains feel the effects of dopamine over and over again, they become desensitized to its effects. This means that overtime we will need more and more dopamine to get the same effects (motivation, excitement, passion, drive) as we once did. This makes it harder and harder for us to pursue the more difficult and positive rewards of life rather than the default to what\u2019s easiest and makes us feel good in the short term.\n\nThis is because when we become desensitized to dopamine our *stimulation threshold* for performing activities increases higher and higher.\n\n>*Stimulation threshold:How stimulating (in terms of dopamine release) an activity has to be for you to find it enjoyable.*\n\nIf your stimulation threshold is high, it means that other activities in your life will start to pale in comparison to the internet. These activities don\u2019t release as much dopamine and can\u2019t compete in terms of stimulation. So no matter how hard you try you\u2019ll feel a lack of interest, procrastination, or low motivation to start things.\n\nThe way to make real life exciting and interesting again, is to reduce the constant flood of dopamine to your brain. Once this happens, your brain starts to rewire, literally growing new dopamine receptors. Overtime your stimulation threshold will reset back down to healthy and normal levels. Afterwards you will be able to read a book for hours, sit silently in meditation, and feel motivated for your academic and professional work again.\n\n# Conclusion\n\nI wrote this post so that I could share some of what I learned with members of our community. The point isn\u2019t to fear monger or suggest that we become luddites. It\u2019s to raise awareness of a widespread issue in society and empower people to make their own decisions of what to do. I do hope that reading it has inspired you to change, to some degree, the way that you use the internet. If the material interests you, I highly suggest going further and reading Nicholas Carr\u2019s book. I hope that it will change your life, the way it has changed mine.", "answer": "Thank you! This is amazing. Does anyone have all the info from [nosurf.org](https://nosurf.org) compiled? And/or is all of it able to be found on the sub?", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "dlknc1", "comment_id": "f4th7el"}, {"question": "Is what I'm feeling actually depression?", "description": "I'll just list some symptoms, which sorta form a bit of a story of the past few years:\n\n* lack of motivation started junior year in high school.  Grades slipped from straight A's to C's, then D's.  The work wasn't too hard, I just wasn't willing to do it, keep up, and apply myself, you know?\n\n* since about that time, I've avoided the company of group settings, preferring to be with one or two people instead of a crowd.\n\n* met a girl, then after highschool we got together.  We were in love. She was the light of my life.  I didn't like to be around people, but she was different.  Everything was okay with her there.  Not okay, amazing.  I loved life.\n\n* this girl changed me.  I was mediocre as a person before, she like, built me into who i am.  Anything I am thats good now is because of her influence.  She's one in a billion.\n\n* did a bunch of things my family didn't approve of.  Not bad things.  Joined a church, they nearly disowned me.  Wanted to do my own thing.  Hung out with this girl as much as I could.\n\n* got into a good state school.  Girlfriend went to one a few states away.  Insanely difficult to be away from her, she was what kept me going.  \n\n* Grades slipped farther without her there.  Darn near failed out.  Got back in. She transferred to my school sophomore (this) year.  Things were great for first semester.  We were going to get married.\n\n* spring semester, she was just losing interest.  Wasn't infatuated anymore.  Suddenly got annoyed by things I'd done for years.  Eventually broke up with me. this happened a month ago.\n\n* felt like the light had gone out of my life.  The only person I could ever be myself around, talk to openly, and trust with my whole being would hardly talk to me anymore.\n\n* lost darn near all the motivation I had left. Been doing bare minimum since.\n\n* ex-gf found someone better. they started a relationship a few weeks ago.  kills me, but they're perfect for each other.  she already wants to marry the kid.  he's everything she ever wanted.  I was always a compromise at best in comparison.\n\n* past while, i've done hardly anything.  No involvement outside of school, minimal church activities, no hanging out with \"friends\".\n\n* want to sleep a ton.  Don't want to wake up in the mornings.  But for the amount of time i devote to sleep, i hardly actually get any.  I always wake up tired.  Its not restful in the least.\n\n* I don't dream anymore.  I used to every now and then, past few months I haven't. \n\n======\n\n* not sure if its possible, but depression seems to run in my family.  My dad's got it bad, along with a ton of other men in his (huge) family.  It's ruined a lot of lives, broken a lot of families, including my own.\n\nSo guys, is this sounding like depression?  Am I just a wimp?  What advice can you give?  And thanks to anyone who read my wall of text, I really appreciate it.", "answer": "I work in a counseling center- Yes, what you're describing does sound like depression: fatigue, withdrawal, lack of motivation or energy, loss of interest, poor focus or concentration (im assuming by academic performances)- these are all symptoms of depression.\n\nNo, you are not a whimp. Literally millions of people experience this every year. Doesn't make you a whimp, freak, failure or anything of the sort.\n\nThe good news- it is very manageable and treatable. I'd encourage you to speak to a mental health professional. Since depression is common, most will have the skills to help you with what you're going through. You'll be fine :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "rqwol", "comment_id": "c481qg9"}, {"question": "AA - I\u2019m struggling", "description": "I\u2019ve been to 47 meetings in the last 8 weeks. Today is my 30th day without a drink. This is my longest period of sobriety since I started drinking in my late teens (I\u2019m in my early 40\u2019s now.) I could not have done this without the support of the rooms. I don\u2019t have a sponsor yet.\n\nI really want this programme to work for me but I\u2019m struggling where to go from here. I\u2019m a lifelong agnostic, I see organised religion as a form of power and control.  I\u2019ve heard AA is a spiritual not a religious organisation more times than I can count.  I struggle with the wording of the first paragraph of chapter 5 at the beginning of every meeting.\n\nI know the higher power can be anything I want it to be. I\u2019ve been using the knowledge, friendship and experience of the rooms as my higher power.  This has got me to where I am today.\n\nI just cannot make any headway with step 3, it just seems impenetrable to me. I know step 3 is \u201cGod [higher power] as we understood him\u201d  Am I meant to say none of this is my problem anymore, over to you higher power, and just shrug my shoulders?  \n\nI\u2019ve been to two different step groups on step 3 and nothing that was shared has given me any insight on how to progress further.\n\nSo, I\u2019m struggling with the steps and the spiritual / religious duality of AA.\n\nI\u2019m tired and feeling a bit defeated tonight, I\u2019m going to bed (sober.) Thanks for reading.\n\n\n\nEdit:\n\nThank you all for the lovely bunch of comments waiting for me to read this morning.  I'm feeling more positive and have lots of new opinions to mull over.   I know I need a sponsor and will hopefully be fixing that in the next few days.\n\nI've been over thinking things, I can choose not to drink today, everything else around me will happen regardless.  I really liked the comment \"willing to become willing to become willing\"\n\nI've also been worrying too much about defining my God / Higher Power.  I can't define what exactly about the rooms has helped me not drink for 30 days when nothing else worked, but something is there, and I'll accept it with gratitude.", "answer": "I feel you\u2019re struggle. I would say that getting a sponsor is the first thing that can be done to help you understand your questions. Step three only means that you have made a decision to go through the rest of the steps basically. The result of these steps is the spiritual awakening through turning out will over to the care of a higher power of our understanding. We learn to do that through working all of the steps. To try and understand it all without doing them is a lot to ask of yourself. I get the skepticism, believe me I do. But for me, I had to give it an honest shot if I wanted what others had. And that meant that I needed to get a sponsor and just keep an open mind and follow suggestions. If I felt like it didn\u2019t work then it\u2019s not like I would be any worse off than before. It\u2019s clear that the program works for so many, and it can work for you too if you give yourself to it. Wishing you the best. Hope this didn\u2019t come off as preachy or anything because that definitely wasn\u2019t my intention! That being said...definitely get a sponsor; that\u2019s where to make your beginning!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ce4c1a", "comment_id": "etyppjj"}, {"question": "Missed dose of Lamictal 100mg 23/M", "description": "Hello,\n\nI forgot to take my dose of Lamictal last night. I am on 100mg before bed time. I'm now at the office and having very bad anxiety not sure if it's all in my head or if I should request time to go take my dose from last night. Maybe I'm over thinking and will be okay soon but if anyone knows please let me know as my doctor is not on call.\n\nThank you,", "answer": "Lamictal is not a good medication to miss. If it's \\<12 hours after you would normally take it, it's a good idea to take it now. If not, it's probably best to wait until tonight's dose. It's not usually a medication with significant withdrawal, but if you're anxious about it then whether it's physical or mental it's worth taking it to feel better.\n\nThis is a medication that's important not to miss. If you skip more than 1 dose often you need to restart back at 25mg per day and increase over a month back to where you were or you run the risk of severe side effects. They're rare but serious enough that doctors increase the dose slowly and reset if you had a gap. One missed day isn't going to cause that, but it's more reason to be careful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ebh5h", "comment_id": "dxtxbg8"}, {"question": "Does being admitted into a psychiatric hospital prevent me from becoming an Expressive Arts Therapist in the future?", "description": "Update: I called the licensing board and they said being inpatient is not a problem as long as I pass the psychological evaluation and do not have a criminal record! Thank you for everyone who responded!\n\nSo long story short, I learned the hard way that PTSD and depression left untreated can result in acute psychosis, and was hospitalized last year.  Since being hospitalized, I've been taking medication, and working very hard to be stable. In addition to having a psychiatrist for medication, I also have a therapist who is a licensed social worker and has a background in art, music, and play therapy. I feel that using expressive art therapy is the biggest reason I've made such great progress this past year. It enabled me to communicate thoughts and feelings I previously was unable to express.\n\nThat's why I would like to become an expressive arts therapist. I would love the opportunity to help others understand their mental health and help others heal by being creative. As I was researching the educational requirements, I came across a site that said you will have your medical history evaluated. While I know there are people with a career in mental health who also have mental illness themselves, I'm not sure if previously being inpatient would be a problem. It would be a shame to go through 8-10 years of school, just to find out I wouldn't be able to make a career of it. My therapist doesn't know, so I have no idea who I can ask.", "answer": "It can depend. I have been through extensive psychiatric care and I am also now a clinician. Lived experience is valuable in mental health and allows you to empathize in ways other clinicians cannot. However, while you are in school it is critical that you are doing your own therapy and using your therapist and not your classes as a way to heal. Separation of your education and your career from your treatment helps establish those healthy boundaries early.\n\nI can say that I would never apply for a position in a practice or hospital I received treatment from and I seriously doubt they would hire me because of my treatment history. I would gain access to information that could be damaging to me. But recovery is possible and helping others while in recovery is absolutely something that can be done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eage3a", "comment_id": "fasghc8"}, {"question": "Is it common for therapists and psychologists to confuse Aspergers and BPD?", "description": "Hello everyone. I am fairly new around these parts but have been a lurker for a while.\n\nMost of my life I was believed to have Aspergers. It wasn't until a year ago that that diagnosis was false and mislead after having a new therapist speak with me for about 2 years. (They diagnosed me with it after 3 days)\n\nI've done some reading and have read that BPD and Autism Spectrum Disorders are easily confused. However, last year I was finally with utmost confidence diagnosed with BPD and it took me a while to process.\n\nI was curious if it was truly common or not? It's been years but it finally feels good to be on track and getting somewhere.", "answer": "That's crazy that you say that! I'm a therapist and I've worked with aspergers and autism, and I have always noticed and sometimes worried that I might have aspergers. Only at times though. It does seem similar in some aspects, from a therapist lens", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4wep9h", "comment_id": "d66g2gb"}, {"question": "Female, 30 years old, athlete, non smoker, etc. What's so bad about bulemia?", "description": "I am NOT pro-bulemia, but I dont see why it is such a big deal?  If you can control the electrolytes with supplements, then wouldnt it be better to purge after a gluttonous meal full of heart clogging fats, sugar, salt, cholesterol, etc ?  I would think that your body would benefit more from the purge than from trying to metabolize these things?", "answer": "This forum is for medical problems you may have, not for general discussions with regards to diseases. Do you have a question regarding your own situation?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bg2mro", "comment_id": "elhwgwy"}, {"question": "Parent of Aspergers teen son, need advice when is is Aspergers or just being a teenager., ie., screen time and forgetting chores..., or not doing chores, \"because he was not reminded\".", "description": "I would love some feedback from the older diagnosed people with Aspergers about a productive approach.  ", "answer": "Those things sound like very typical teen behavior, but if your son has Asperger's it would probably help to have some kind of chore SYSTEM,  like a place where chores are openly displayed and expectations (along with rewards and punishments) are clearly stated.\n\nAspies NEED consistency and clarity -- it helps us feel safe in a world we don't quite understand (And coincidentally, all developing children/teens need this things as well)\n\nSource: Psychology/Counseling Major with Asperger's (currently taking a child/teen development course)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14jvmx", "comment_id": "c7dtdb6"}, {"question": "Signed: piece of shit.", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 deserves better. Today, I convinced him I wanted a certain meal for dinner. I didn\u2019t. I sent him to this particular restaurant because I KNEW I could get to the liquor store and back before he even got to the restaurant. And mother fucking shit. I truly hate myself. He would never even begin to suspect. Because he loves and trusts me. And I am not. Fucking. Deserving. Of his trust. Or love. Or company... or anything. He\u2019s too good. We shouldn\u2019t even breathe the same air.\n\n\nBut here I am. Water bottle full of Pinot Grigio. A pink bottle, by the way. So white wine looks the same as water. And I feel so fucking guilty and so in love. Because he would never fucking question me when I tell him \u201cI\u2019m ok\u201d.\n\nHe deserves better. But I\u2019m terrified of losing him, because no one has ever loved me like this. And at the same time, that\u2019s why I feel so fucking terrible. He deserves better. But I want to be his \u201cbetter.\u201d I\u2019m not ready to lose him. But I also don\u2019t think  prepared to be the person he deserves.", "answer": "Been there. Truth is he doesn\u2019t deserve it, you\u2019re right. But, you can change and be the person and partner you want to be. It doesn\u2019t magically happen though. I know exactly how that guilt feels, and how feeling like a piece of shit feels. If you didn\u2019t feel that way, there wouldn\u2019t be much hope. Use that feeling as motivation to change. I understand you already drank, and if you\u2019re like me, there is no stopping tonight until you\u2019re out or pass out. But, tomorrow, when you wake up feeling like shit and that feeling of guilt and shame is ten times what it is now, choose to change instead of drinking to cope with those feelings. You can do it. \n\nBesides, I\u2019m sure he knows right now anyways, and just isn\u2019t saying anything. Wine has a pretty strong odor; you\u2019re probably not pulling it off like you may think. Might be best to be honest and tell him you want help in the morning. I wouldn\u2019t suggest this conversation when your already drinking. Best of luck. There is help, and there is a way out of this.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "d4s5pv", "comment_id": "f0g6fwp"}, {"question": "Does PCOS effect how much sleep you need?", "description": "I have found that I generally need to sleep 10-12 hours a night to feel rested. Wondering if this is at all linked to PCOS? Could it perhaps be a thyroid issue? ", "answer": "I'd never thought of that. I totally need at least 8 to be a functional human being but 9-10 is what happen naturally with no alarms. I hate mornings and I think it's because me sleep quality sucks. I've had my thyroid checked and sleep apnea ruled out. I think it's related to my anxiety issues as taking an Ativan later in the day = glorious well rested me. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "5q9ewc", "comment_id": "dcxtnbz"}, {"question": "Husband (39M, very healthy) suffered a stroke 2.5 days ago. Several question, one very personal", "description": "My husband (39M) is an ultramarathoner who routinely runs 50+ miles a week. He has perfect blood pressure and is a healthy weight.  On Thursday morning he woke up with an intense headache, tried to get out of bed, fell and could not move his left arm or leg and was very slow to respond/seemed confused.  Arrived at hospital by ambulance 30-40 minutes later at which point his symptoms were improving. According to an MRI, he suffered two small strokes (ischemic but not TIAs)  He was released from the hospital this afternoon and seems to have suffered no permanent damage.  \n\nWe are of course seeing various doctors over the course of the next few months and are still searching for the cause. We found that he does have a PFO, but the cardiologist thinks that's unlikely to be the cause.  \n\nBecause of COVID, I was unable to be with him in the hospital and had to talk to doctors over speakerphone which is not an optimal communication method for important info. My husband tends to be very quiet, so I'm usually the one asking questions, but I was not able to do this very effectively over speaker, so I am now here and hoping I can get some insight from professionals.\n\nSo first, my husband uses minoxidil on his hair but forgot to mention it to his doctors.  I think he should stop using it.  I hope you all can back me up on this.  Also, could this have contributed to stroke?\n\nSecond, as a guy who sometimes runs more that 50 miles at a time, his idea of what constitutes \"exerting himself\" is different from how I and most others would define it.  He would like to go out and mow the yard tomorrow, go for a 5 mile hike next week, take a slow run on the track, etc. (He does not think of these things as real exercise.) I am trying to convince him to hold off on everything that more normal people think of as exercise at least until we identify a cause.  Am I right to suggest this?\n\nThird, he seems to have absolutely no permanent damage and has suggested resuming sex very soon.  I have no idea when that stops being risky, but I'm assuming 3 days out is definitely not enough time.  When can sexual activity start again?\n\nThank you so much!  I may come back with other questions later, this has been so fast and such a nightmare.", "answer": "I am unaware of any link between topical minoxidil and strokes, I couldn't find anything, and there's not really a plausible mechanism. Unless one of his doctors suggests stopping minoxidil, I don't think there's any particular reason to do so.\n\nThe same is true for exertion. What to do after strokes depends on his doctors' orders. If they said to limit exertion, he should. If they didn't, it's a question for them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gpgfbk", "comment_id": "frm4n5t"}, {"question": "Feeling disheartened after a therapy session", "description": "I haven't smoked for 3 months. I have gotten further than this before, I've also used casual sex with weed in the past as a coping mechanism.\n\nI was telling my therapist today that I've been going to the gym a lot. He said that I may want to stop going, as this is another addictive behaviour.  I'm unemployed currently and the gym really helps me so much. I've committed to not dating for the next 2 years, really trying to be happy with my inner self. \n\nDo I really need to give up the gym as well? I just felt like I was doing so well, and have left this session feeling so depleted.\n\n**Edit: I just wanted to add my therapist didn't tell me to stop excersing. He told me to get my dopamine rush for yoga and going on walks instead. He said it's because building muscle is very stressful on the body, and a lot of time I will find the gym a very competitive environment- men/ women also approach each other to make advances which is true. He is also trying to get me to focus less on my appearance. I am going to continue going, but I just want to explain because I'm getting a lot of find a new therapist- when he really has helped me through a lot of trauma and got me to a positive place. \nThanks for everyone's concern though", "answer": "I think your therapist just wants to make sure that you're not replacing one addiction with another. Physical activity is healthy, in moderation. The way he presented it might not have been the best delivery, but I understand what he is trying to express concern about. It's easy to get caught up in a new addiction when trying to stop another. As long as you feel that you are working out an appropriate amount of time/effort, not hurting yourself, and your physician has not advised against exercise, you do you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "ete55g", "comment_id": "fffxphi"}, {"question": "Struggling to address the importance of quarantine in retail", "description": "I hope I\u2019ve come to the right place to ask for advice on this inquiry. If not, I\u2019d really appreciate some guidance for where I should go. \n\nI work in a retail store that\u2019s considered essential for some of our products and focuses heavily on customer service. The state went into lockdown a week ago, but people continue to come in and buy very clearly unessential things or even just to look around because they\u2019re bored. This is stressing out my coworkers alongside me even further than the crisis has already. \n\nDo you have any suggestions for some polite things to say to make casual customers think about staying home without it seeming like I\u2019m telling them to get out? Our company focuses heavily on customer service, so it feels like I can\u2019t say anything negative without putting my job at risk. We have to focus on making the customers content... which is getting increasingly infuriating as they continue to be so irresponsible during this epidemic. \n\nI would really like some professional advice on how to encourage people to abide to these lockdown procedures without frustrating them. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "This is a hard one because if you are in a large corporate store, you may have absolutely no room for these reminders. If you work for a small company,  you may be able to talk to the owner or manager about safe policies .\n\nLots of stores have been putting up signs , limiting the amount of people inside,  and placing markers on the floor to indicate social distancing.  Are you able to do this ?\n\nI think the best you can do is be gracious,  you never know someone else's reasons.  Personally,  I have gone to the store and left with nothing- not because I wanted to stroll around,  but because the store did not have the items I needed.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fsslwm", "comment_id": "fm895v9"}, {"question": "I'm 17, 5'10\", and weigh 115 lbs; what are the correct dimensions and height for a noose?", "description": "I'm a junior in high school, about to take my ACTs in a couple weeks. According to the pretests and teachers and guides, I should get a 31. \n\nBut I realized yesterday I'm failing Pre-Calculus. I've always done really poorly in math classes, but never gone below a C. I'm usually a straight A student.\n\nWell, then my mom found out and shit hit the fan.\n\nMy life is suffocating me. As the inhabitant of a small southern town and a liberal atheist, I don't fit in. I'm told I'm handsome by a lot of people, girls flirt with me, but I really think I'm ugly. Apparently, I'm intelligent. As you can tell from my body metrics, I'm very lithe, but people say I wear it well. \n\nI've always had really low self-esteem. I've always, even as a young child, told myself I was worthless. I lived my first months in a homeless shelter, because my parents were too proud to live with their parents. My parents were both 19 when I was born. Neither finished high school. Never married, and separated when I was three. Me and my mom lived together in a small apartment without a car or anything. \n\nWhen I turned six, we moved in with my grandma for a year. Then my mom bought a small house. Later that year, she started seeing my future stepdad, who she went to high school with. He seemed nice. They got married, and it was great. Then he got in a car crash and it rattled him. They've had two kids since then. I love them. But my stepdad exists only to bring in money through manual labor and hold it over everyone's head while mom finishes college. \n\nEvery night, there is screaming and crying and fighting. And every night, my neighbor, a socialite at school, hears this. Everyone knows why I'm so glacial. I cut out my emotions to try and survive the crushing sadness of watching my mom stream tears regularly because this damaged bastard won't spare any kindness. I only feel hatred and sadness and faked happiness. \n\nWhere has my dad been? He hooked up with my psychotic stepmom and they had twin girls. From ages 6-15 I went there every Wednesday night and every other weekend, and I hated it. I love my dad. For all his flaws, he can be a great guy. But my stepmom made sure we never got to spend time together. I love my twin sisters. But when I realized dad was taking my money from the wallet and bank, then stole my laptop he got me for Christmas, I just stopped going. Quit cold turkey.\n\nMy mom is terrible. All she does is yell. She is borderline bipolar. When she gets mad about every little thing, she gets to the point of opening and slamming doors, banging her fists on the walls, spasms and screaming. She takes a lot out on me. I mostly stay in my room to get away from it all. Isolated. \n\nI've been severely depressed for years, and took Zoloft for awhile. I don't let on how I feel, because I don't want to make anyone's life even more stressful. Not even my closest friends know how dark and ill I've become. There is no one I can talk to.\n\nNow life is caving in around me. I keep getting told how my life is ruined, I'll never get into college. I tell myself there's a rabbit hole I can hop through and never deal with it again.", "answer": ">There is no one I can talk to.\n\nWhile this might be true at home, you've got a whole community of people who would love to talk to you here on Reddit.  I know that things suck right now, but if you really have that good of grades and do well on the ACT then even with a poor grade in precal you shouldn't have any trouble getting into a good university.  So, if you can tough it out for one more year your whole life will be different.  \n", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bj5de", "comment_id": "c0n143p"}, {"question": "Getting Dumped By: Cooper 16", "description": "My ex just dumped me because she couldn't handle a relationship. She then proceeds to hate me for doing nothing wrong, unless you count trying to change her mind as a reason to hate me. She won't talk to me and this makes me feel like it is my fault. Any thoughts?", "answer": "Stop talking to her. Move on with your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4zsk", "comment_id": "dhbppo5"}, {"question": "first time", "description": "tomorrow i am going to my therapist for the first time. any tips?\n\nalso what is the best way to open up to a stranger? i wasnt able to open up to my own mom for 5 years. any Technics? ", "answer": "Remember that they're there for you, not the other way round.  Be prepared to discuss what made seek therapy in the first place and give a little background about how symptoms began.  If you feel like you're struggling opening up and it may take some time, let the therapist know that and they should be understanding.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0qpk", "comment_id": "e8d8epo"}, {"question": "[24/f] My boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. He is just plain lazy and when I confront him about it he says that 'I should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.\n\n He doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if I remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. He always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). He doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. He criticizes my apperance (I'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks I should 'get one for him'. He often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all I ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. He lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and I think this is where our relationship started to worsen. And while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, I can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust I have. He doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.\n\nAnother thing is sex. He has good days but mostly sex looks like this - I give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and I always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. He gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. Even when I ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as I'm insecure about my body and sometimes I just feel like he thinks I'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but I already did that to you, c'mon'. Of course usually he comes and I don't. He often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens.\nI'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.\n\nIn everyday life he is fun to be with, I'm never bored and I love him, but then I feel like I am the glue of this relationship. He is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. And of course gets upset when I refuse.\n\nI'm starting to feel very bad about myself because I am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet I let this guy turn me into someone I'm not. I don't feel like his partner, I feel like his puppet. I confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and I don't know what else to do. I am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so I'm asking you guys for possible solutions.\n\nI'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "dkymyd6"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a alcoholic. I won\u2019t have any more money to drink for the next 9 days. And I\u2019m scared as hell.", "description": "I have a interlock on my car from a dui so I do know just how much I can drink and pass. This after two extensions. \n\nIt\u2019s such a normal calming point in my life. Until I have a day off and go on a binge.\n\nBut the bills and birthdays and regular living are to much for this cheque. So it looks like I\u2019ll be sober.\n\nAnd this scares the shit out of me. I\u2019ve been a long time drinker but never got any DT\u2019s or bad side effects other than feeling like a complete piece of shit.\n\nAnd that goes for my sober time. My brain is more active, I can\u2019t shut off the feelings, thoughts, awareness.  And I\u2019m just scared and really don\u2019t want to stop but have to. \n\nAnyone relate?", "answer": "You need therapy or AA or both. Can't tell you what to do, though, since it has to be for YOU & no one else's direction, so all I can do is point this out & hope you'll give it a try. It's a lot nicer when you don't have to run from your own mind, though.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "apbr7s", "comment_id": "eg8cs4s"}, {"question": "My wife is a stripper and confessed prior prostitution", "description": "So I have been happily married with the absolute love of my life. That being said as in any relationship ours has had trials. I would like to think that anyone in a relationship Who has to deal with everything that comes along with the other half stripping. This includes spending their time spent  with other men  , dancing, talking, exchanging phone numbers,using their bodies to turn other men on. ( that is to name a few things)  would understand that there is a considerable amount of unusual emotions compared to that of a relationship that consists of two people doing \"regular\" jobs.  Now to say that I am completely surprised that there has been more that went on in the past would not be true. However I have been assured  again and again over and over that \"she has not had to do any of the things that some of the girls do\". This being said. She had specifically told me that she has never had sex of any kind for money since shortly after  dating and finding out her career choice of \"dancing\".  I did have doubts but the connection and passion that we've had for each other has been unmatched from any of my experiences  in the past. When she asked me if I would marry her ( not the usual way it goes I know ) I knew the road that I would be facing ahead of me but I embraced The idea because my love for her  was and still is unbelievably strong. I also knew and know that she loves me. I know that her coming straight out and telling me everything during the first month, two, six, even year  would be very unnerving and could pose a  huge risk of losing the connection that we have. I do not blame her for concealing the truth and lying at the time and I commend her  for her honesty at this time. I do not intend on leaving her now or in the future no matter what comes our way we are in this to the end. However after opening up to me about the acts  performed and amount of times they were performed for money...I feel, I guess naturally hurt and of course betrayed by the misconceptions and lies. I do not feel trapped although she did confess that by asking me to marry her, her intention was to not loose me  because she felt that she could not take that chance. I still care/love,  respect her as much now in spite of the prior betrayal. I'm sure because I was privy to the possibilities.  I'm sure I will be getting plenty of suggestions for couples counseling although we do not have the budget for such. Before we met  she had been making more than enough money, in fact enough money to do just about anything that comes to mind. Since we've met she makes very little money dancing. This leads me to (mostly) believe her when she tells me that since she met me she has not been involved in any prostitution. Now I say mostly because of how many other misconceptions due to her lies there have been.\u2026 It puts a lot into question. If you have not lost interest after my rambling and would be so kind as to offer you're opinion on how to work out the knots and understand the emotions that I am experiencing. EDIT ---(**should I be concerned that she is still making choices to participate in more than dancing?** would I be justified to question her about this?** if so  any recommendations on how to approach this conversation with her**)-- opinions or suggestions professional or not it would be greatly appreciated as I of course cannot speak about this to anybody whom I know and do not have the money for professional counseling. Thanks in advance", "answer": "well she should have told you before, but you have to evaluate the present, and if it's been a smooth loving rel.,and you can absorb this revelation, you can move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kbmbq", "comment_id": "dbmtosj"}, {"question": "Flu shot concerns", "description": "28M, 6'1\", 180, White, no smoking or drinking, 40mg citalopram for depression/anxiety\n\nToday I got a flu shot at CVS and a couple things concerned me. First, my receipt says I got the \"FLUZONE QUAD\". I thought the Fluzone vaccine was only for people 65 and older and younger people shouldn't get it? Second, I bled at the injection site. I get a flu shot every year and have never bled. It seemed normal until the needle came out and some blood popped out along with it. Not too much but it still threw me off. The woman who gave me the shot asked if I'd taken any blood thinners and when I said no she said \"huh, weird\" and left it at that.\n\nAre these things normal? I tend to have snowballing anxiety about this kind of stuff.", "answer": "You've already gotten the right answers. Bleeding a little bit after a shot is normal, and Fluzone is a normal vaccine for younger adults.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ds51lj", "comment_id": "f6nhyqr"}, {"question": "Feeling the need to reach out to abuser during a bad moment of PTSD...", "description": " Does anyone else randomly have an overwhelming urge to reach out to the person(s) who abused you? Every few months, I'll have a really bad episode of PTSD. I can't sleep, constant high anxiety, panic attacks, high alert all day long, can't leave the house, etc. Sometimes, in those really bad days, I get the urge to reach out to him via Facebook or something.\n\nI know it sounds crazy...\n\nI'll start to fall back into my old way of thinking: maybe I just overreacted, maybe he didn't mean it, he's going to be upset at me that I haven't talked to him/I blocked him, I should tell him I'm sorry for running away, It was all my fault anyway....\n\nThe next day, after I survive the night managing to not message him, I feel like shit. I start to second guess myself all over again. I start to tell myself I must have wanted it *because* I thought about reaching out. No one would ever *want* to reach out to someone who did what he did to you!\n\nIt makes me feel absolutely crazy...I just needed to vent it off my chest. Even if I am the only one who goes through this, I at least know I won't be judged here. Thanks for reading.", "answer": "I'm in one of these storms right now myself. You're not crazy. You didn't want it just because you thought about reaching out. What you want is to believe that his love was more real than it was. What you want is to believe that there aren't really people in the world who are capable of what he is. What you want is all of the good parts of the relationship with that person. The messy and painful truth is that, as horrible and destructive as abusive relationships are, there can be things we still miss or love about the person(s) who abused us. That doesn't mean that we should go back. It means that we are human and that we are humans with a greater capacity for love than the person(s) who abused us. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "aonp23", "comment_id": "eg2glqf"}, {"question": "Day 3 im hurting", "description": "Sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. Saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab. \nIn December events out of my control caused me to lose my home. What was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. I spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. I have been homeless for 8 days now. Saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. At 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. I slept on the beach Saturday night. Sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. Sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. Yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. Around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when I closed my eyes. Took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. Today has been the worst day so far. Today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. He wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. I couldn't let him. Ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. I have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. I spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. I dont want to live like this anylonger. Ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. Thank you.", "answer": "Hey, saw this post on new.\n\nYou've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. Everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.\n\nThe scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. Things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.\n\nLike you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. Acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "edm6jj8"}, {"question": "Im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh I think I\u2019m a little bit ADHD too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "So many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.\n\nIt just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that ADHD is the reason things I sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.\n\nIt seems that since people without ADHD always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of ADHD\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little ADHD\u201d \n\nAnd if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about ADHD or something. \n\nTL:DR\n\nPeople tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little ADHD\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "I\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. I think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive. \n\nThe way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me I had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until I was about 22), was that I thought different from other people. That whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and I internalized that as being special. \n\nNow my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, I didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated  as a personal failure (high IQ= if I had really tried the result would have been better). And then I almost felt like I was cheating when I got on medication at 22 because I felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field).  But I still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow MORE than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc).  \n\nFor me it\u2019s like.... okay so I suffer from migraines, but I don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/I have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. They\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump. \n\nI don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how I stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "dvr0d7j"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask to be prescribed Xanax for stress and anxiety?", "description": "I (25M)haven\u2019t been to the doctors in a long time and I was thinking of going because lately my stress levels have been high because of work and school.\n\nI was wondering how I should talk about my situation with my doctor without him thinking I\u2019m some sort of druggie (I feel like many doctors don\u2019t believe young people anymore cause so many abuse drugs)\n\nI have taken a friends Xanax before and it seemed to calm me down and it finally made me in a relaxed mood. After this i figured I\u2019d talk with a doctor because it actually made me feel normal for once.\n\nI\u2019ve been stressed out for years but like I said above, it\u2019s starting to get worse now that I\u2019m starting college and working my full time job again.\n\nSo would it be a red flag for doctors is I ask about specific drugs or should they prescribe me other things first?", "answer": "Xanax is helpful in the short term, but it is a poor choice for long term management of anxiety and honestly wouldn\u2019t be my first, second, or third choice for even rare, sporadic, short-term management.\n\nTalk to a doctor with an open mind.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7pb0", "comment_id": "eywk7d6"}, {"question": "Frustration with Lack of Access to Quality Care", "description": "I apologize if this is the wrong subreddit, but I have to vent about this somewhere.\n\nI've tried and failed at quitting drinking for a long time. The guilt and shame of that plus other mental issues I've struggled with, particularly depression and anxiety (who knows if the chicken or the egg came first), has made it especially difficult. \n\nAnyhow, the more I've researched, the more I've found that I should be seeking medical treatment from a psychiatrist and/or psychologist who is board certified in addiction medicine. (You'd be surprised, or maybe you aren't, with how many doctors really know nothing about addiction and just advise you to go to AA, even though that is not an evidence-based treatment.)\n\nSo, after almost losing my job over it, I decided I have to really try to stop, even if medical intervention is necessary. I ponied up and signed up for insurance through the health exchange. My premium is $325~ dollars a month, with a $30/60 (or $25/50.. can't remember without the card) copay for doctors/specialists, and a ~4,500 deductible for out-of-network providers.\n\nI tried to cross reference every general physician and psychiatrist within 100 miles of me that is certified by the American Board of Addiction Medicine or the American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry with my in network providers, and I found absolutely 0.\n\nSo, I tried to call around to see about self-pay. First of all, I couldn't get through with the numbers I found to over half of those people on the list. I finally got in touch with one person that made me take a survey and wait for the psychiatrist to review it, before she'd accept me. (Based on the questions, it was apparently to make sure I wasn't just doing it due to a pending criminal matter, court order, etc.)\n\nAnyhow, she charges $280 for the initial session, and $150 for every time thereafter.\n\nSo, with my premium, in order for me to try to combat a disease that is killing me, with a person who is actually qualified to treat me, would cost me *at the very least* ~$500 a month (excluding potential Rx costs).\n\nFinding that out was just so discouraging. I'm not drinking tonight, but I'm sure as hell feeling depressed and alone.\n\nAny advice for how to get treatment? (Please don't just suggest a random doctor. Most of them just tell me to go to AA, because they don't understand that addiction is a neurological problem.)\n\n*tl;dr*: Trying to get addiction help from a medical professional who is qualified to deal with addictions is ridiculously expensive unless you have some magical insurance that I'm unable to get.", "answer": "I think it is great the amount of legwork you are doing to seek out the best type of treatment. Many people never do the kind of in-depth research that you do.\n\nI can offer you a few bits of advice, as a clinician. First of- outside of large urban areas, psychiatrists who specialize in addiction medicine are hard to come by (as I'm sure you're finding out). However most psychiatrists can still help you with your underlying depression and anxiety. \n\nFurthermore- psychotherapy is an excellent option for addictions. Often times there are negative emotions underlying addictive behaviors (that is, often times people turn to alcohol, drugs, etc. to cope with XYZ, and it becomes a vicious cycle). Psychotherapy can help not only build skills to cope effectively with distress and resist alcohol cravings, but also help resolve the underlying issues of anxiety and depression that you reported. \n\nI do have my personal beefs with AA, and it is not the most effective form of addiction treatment, however it does work with many people. I would recommend you at least try it if you have not already. That way you at least know whether or not it would be an effective option for you. And, maybe there are some people there that you highlight a few good treatment options in your area.\n\ntl;dr: Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "228zmj", "comment_id": "cgknhzv"}, {"question": "I just don\u2019t care. Is this normal?", "description": "So I\u2019ve been depressed for about 8 years now, but it\u2019s been somewhat under control so that i can go about my daily life with no problem. \nSo as most of y\u2019all know today is Father\u2019s Day, and I just don\u2019t understand the sentimentality of celebrating mothers/fathers day, or Christmas or my birthday for that matter. Like great you have a kid, great I\u2019m another year older, great some guy was born ~2000 years ago. It\u2019s gotten worse as I\u2019ve gotten older. I just \u201ccelebrated\u201d my 26th birthday and I did it alone. No one there just me watching game of thrones with pizza. Everyone else was on a vacation to the beach that I didn\u2019t care enough to go on. Like I feel like I should care about these things but I don\u2019t. I just don\u2019t care. Maybe it\u2019s time to go back to my doctor and to start seeing a therapist again, but I don\u2019t want to rely on doctors and medications for me to care about stuff again. ", "answer": "I suggest finding a CBT Therapist who will support you in becoming your own Therapist.", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8ruhsc", "comment_id": "e0wk7to"}, {"question": "[23/F] Feeling lonely with, or without my husband [26/M]. Unable to re-kindle affection.", "description": "So My husband [26/M] and I [23/F] have been together for 5 years. now and its starting to feel like its all just going downhill... \n\nI feel like I have a [sexual aversion](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19784769) as well as [Tactile sensitivity](https://insideperspectives.wordpress.com/sensory/sidspdhsp/tactile-sensitivity/) So I crave affection and attention and love, but when I get it it just gets at me in a not so good way... which is obviously effecting him too. I mean you can't go 5 years with someone who can't enjoy being touched and not start to blame yourself.\n\nLike this morning for example... (most morning actually) He wakes up to go to work, takes the dogs on a walk and then comes back to cuddle me before leaving, but his form of \"cuddling me\" is just like... Laying his hand on random parts on me.. Not like full body cuddling or anything, just like a hand on my back or leg or shoulder. This makes me feel like he is nervous to touch me and also make me feel like its a forced thing. Which then annoys me and makes me want to push him away or tell him to stop even though ALL I WANT is to be near him and happy with it... \n\nWe've been talking about and trying to have a baby. We both know we'd be great parents, we have love for each other and we work well together, but can't really get the sex part accomplished. \n\nWe live with 2 other people both male roommates Dan [25/M] and Danny [27/M]... So my Husband and I tend to wait till \"bedtime\" to do anything sexual, cause we can't get frisky on the sofa with other people in our home. So we go to bed turn on the tv, and go to sleep. \n\nI want to have a meaningful connection to my Husband, but am not sure why I don't, and I'm not sure how to repair this.  We tend to talk a lot about our issues, how we both feel, what our stresses are, what we would like to do in the future, we're very open... and this loneliness topic comes up a lot, but we are never able to really effect it in anyway. \n\nIts gotten to the point where we both get angry just even TRYING to talk about anything with each other, cause we've talked about it all before and nothing is different. We just keep having the same conversations over and over and nothing is changing. \n\n We need help.\n\n\nEDIT: \nAlso I feel like the roommates are a HUGE impact into my discontent with this relationship. They're always here, Never clean up after themselves, always forget to pay rent, make messes in the kitchen that I have to clean up, Can't remember what address they live at and continue to ask \"what apartment are we in?\", Like I dunno dude, open the door and look at the number. My husband has to deal with a lot of bitching from my end about these 2. He agrees but won't do anything about most of it. He can't even move away from them He wants to stay with them forever as roommates, even though we're thinking about having a child. He doesn't really want to have our OWN family home he wants us ALL to live in the same place. Which I get it.... its cheaper with more people, but also.... please no.\n\nHis mother has even offered to put a downpayment on a house for us if we ditch the roommates. I was like \"OMG HELL YES!\" and he was like \"Yeah... okay I guess.\" It's not been 2 weeks since his mother offered to help us move and he hasn't even brought it up to the roommates, and won't let me say anything because tensions are running high over my being annoyed at having to mother 3 grown ass men.", "answer": "see a therapist please; redditors not ideal for this complexity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5strmd", "comment_id": "ddhtjkr"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Ask your therapist, as this may vary by location and license .\n\nI can only hospitalized someone if they have a plan and intent to harm themselves.  In the US, most hospitals don't have the capacity to take people in general,  there is not much they can do for someone who is not at risk for immediate harm .\n\nYour suicidal thoughts are important to discuss and process . I always feel really sad when someone is scared to bring it up. In most circumstances,  if you say you have suicidal thoughts with no plan or intent , there is no issue . A therapist will also want to know the reasons you won't do it right now and what you can do to stay safe if something changes .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqagi8"}, {"question": "Went to the doctor for a sore throat, left with Hep B and HIV blood test. Help ? I'm in a bit of panic at the moment", "description": "Age -23\nSex - Male\nHeight - 183cm\nWeight - 72kg\nRace - Caucasian \nDuration of complaint - less than a week\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - no\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - no?\nCurrent medications (if any) - no\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example- not relavent\n\n(Throwaway becuase I don't want my.familt to freak out)\n\n\nHello! Gonna jump right in: I had a sore throat that started last Monday, and peaked on Thursday, being quite painful but I could still talk and eat normally, just painful, but not impossibly so. Monday to Wednesday, I had just sore throat with no cold symptoms, which then started thursday, with the general \"I'm sick\" shittyness feeling, runny nose. Cough started later, around Saturday. Sore throat died away on Friday, now I am just left with a cough, runny nose and \"feeling sick\"\n\nSo, I went to the doctor today (Monday) as I'm still feeling sick. It's the first time I visit this doctor, and as a new patient she does a mini exam with her stethoscope. She says she hears a \"systolic heart murmur\", and orders an \"eco-doppler cardiogram\" and ECG, but says it's no big deal. Then she asks if I've been vaccinated for Hep B, I check my old records sent to me by my parents(on my phone) which say I am not, which to be honest are not complete (eg I've been vaccinated against  HPV, but it's not written) so might be Infact vaccinated, but not sure, so she orders a Hep B test, HCV test, then asks if I've ever been tested for HIV. I haven't, and respond as such, and she orders that test as well. Also, she orders a test for bilirubin levels. \n\nBefore all this, she asked me \"have you always been so skinny?\" To which I respond \"yes, even more skinny\" (as I recently went through a depression where I wasn't eating much/well, I've recently put on weight since then, but still kinda \"skinny\"). This is the only reason I can see as to why she asked for these tests. Other than that, im kinda freaking out, what would make a doctor want to run these tests?? Is it just routine to check? I always use protection and wouldn't know where these diseases came from otherwise, I'm just frightened, and I wasn't told much after the appointment. Before this cold, I was perfectly fine, no symptoms of anything! Can anybody shed some light on this, let me know if they're just regular tests, or something I should be ready to be worried about??\n\nThanks so much! ", "answer": "One thing that hasn't gotten mentioned: most systolic murmurs, especially in younger and thinner people, are benign. It's just the sound of blood flowing through the heart and nothing to worry about. Without hearing the sounds we can't know, but very often an echocardiogram is overkill. But an echo and ECG also don't do harm, so nothing really lost even if this is an unnecessary workup.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bavib9", "comment_id": "ekelmkt"}, {"question": "Still having brain zaps 6 months after coming off SSRI", "description": "I started taking 20mg of citalopram in December 2014, went down to 10mg in June the next year and finally weaned myself off them for good over the summer just gone. I feel like my mental health has stabilised a lot more and I'm happy with being off them for the time being. The thing is that I'm still experiencing brain zap withdrawal-like symptoms at night (mostly when I'm trying to drift off to sleep) and it seems to be triggered by noise. Has anyone else experienced this after being off meds for several months and will it disappear over time? ", "answer": "This is admittedly a separate discussion - but as a UK psychiatrist, I find this a very American problem.\n\nI honestly never experience this phenomenon with my patients despite regularly asking them. I don't think im doing anything particularly different in my clinical practice in terms of switching or discontinuing antidepressants (if anything im quite zealous in my changes), but people never suffer the brain zaps.\n\nA cultural phenomenon or am I lucky?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5io6zr", "comment_id": "dbax4ku"}, {"question": "So, I'm depressed and lonely.", "description": "I don't go to school or have a job, (but I have income non-ss) I don't have a car and I recently moved to a new city.  I also have extreme social anxiety.   I honestly have no idea what to do.  I really just want to kill myself. ", "answer": "See a therapist. They will help you feel better :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1cjbsk", "comment_id": "c9h38j8"}, {"question": "How do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns. \n\nMy old doctor left the practice and I don't like the new PA I was assigned. After a year of seeing her, it's like I'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something I'm allergic to. I did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.\n\nHow do I start up with the new doctor without having a physical? I just had a physical with the PA in March, so I won't be due another one for a while. Do I have to wait until I get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (I've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, I would only go to urgent cares when I was sick.) Also, can I do the visit without transferring my records first? This doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously I wouldn't want to transfer from my PA. It would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.\n\nSorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). I know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "Yes, new patient well visits are standard. You call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. You will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.\n\nThe easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. You would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. There's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. The transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "e0e449f"}, {"question": "Question about a1c and diabetes", "description": "27, Male, 5'8, 170lbs, no significant medical history or current medications\n\nI had routine blood work done like 8 months ago and my a1c was 5.2. A year before that it was 5.1. Is it possible for my a1c to get into the diabetic range within an 8 month period? \n\nI've been having to pee a lot lately and worried about diabetes since my Dad has it. I should also mention that I have severe health-related anxiety which could be triggering my bladder. I used to be on Paxil for but stopped last year. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "Hemoglobin A1C is a good stand-in for the average blood glucose over the last 3 months, approximately. You can become diabetic at least theoretically instantaneously. Having your pancreas removed would do it.\n\nSeparately, the likelihood that you became diabetic from a normal A1c over 8 months is low. It's not completely impossible, but I would be very surprised. It's easy enough to have tested, by I would also consider other causes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "afemdo", "comment_id": "edy3fl7"}, {"question": "Realistically speaking, does it really get any better?", "description": "I've never been able to have an intimate relationship in my life, even though I crave it. I had all these dreams of what an amazing person I would be one day, but the more I learn about myself, the more it seems like I'm deeply broken and can never fully heal. Even the bandages I can apply are really hard and only get me so far.\n\nApart from this I'm also really depressed and don't get joy from anything. My entire life is a mess. My health, finances, work, everything.\n\nI'm not really suicidal but I keep thinking about how I'm worthless and I'll never have the life I want. Even getting to a reasonably comfortable life is so incredibly hard. And I never learned to work hard either. I really don't see the point of struggling. Why not just put myself out of misery? I don't even have a realistic goal that I can really get behind.", "answer": "It does, but only if you learn how to make it better for yourself. It's not going to just... Happen one day.\n\nA realistic goal is the first place to start ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ajgji2", "comment_id": "eevl5v9"}, {"question": "I no longer feel emotions, only negative and unpleasant sensations.", "description": "Since I was 13, following a traumatic situation, I no longer feel anything. \nAll my adolescence has been empty, I only have pain.  I will never go back to the one before.  \nI take the drugs but they don't help me.", "answer": "This is probably due to dissociation secondary to the trauma. It might be what is called depersonalization, go look it up.  Trauma focused therapy can help.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "gp9gv2", "comment_id": "frm0mid"}, {"question": "When did PCOS weight gain start for you?", "description": "Im 24 now and can be considered a \"lean pcos\" gal. I'm worried this is only temporary and that my weight will explode at some point.\n\nWhen did it happen for you? How old were you & how did it start? \n\nEdit: Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Its so interesting to learn how different women experience PCOS. Good luck to us all! ", "answer": "17. Went from 140 to 220 within 6 months. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9ftl7c", "comment_id": "e5zs78c"}, {"question": "Had gallbladder out weds still in a lot of pain is this normal?", "description": "I\u2019m 35 F 5\u20199 202 lbs. Houston TX. Gallstones necessitated a laparoscopic Cholecystectomy Wednesday morning. I was sent home with 30 Tylenol 3s . I have attached picture of incision site/ belly button. I am having pains while breathing and still cannot get out or a chair our bed on my own. Surgeon office did not call to check on me, I called Thursday having issues with pain really bad and I was told it\u2019s to be expected, I had surgery.  Are these incisions okay? \nIs it normal to still be in a shit ton of pain 3 days later?  \n\n\nhttps://imgur.com/LGBuKyr", "answer": "Surgeons like to be wildly optimistic (or just flat-out lie) about recovery. After laparoscopic surgery a lucky few feel fine immediately, and a lot of people are very uncomfortable for a week or longer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gccxn6", "comment_id": "fpayv2h"}, {"question": "Help treating someone I\u2019m studying with", "description": "I\u2019m at a camp right now for the second year in a row. Obviously new people come occasionally. The way it works is we get lectures on different subjects. So this new person in my group is REALLY driving me insane. One reason really: they don\u2019t let me enjoy the experience. I am the sort of person who enjoys learning and in general this camp is quite important for me. The person keeps interrupting during the lectures without respecting the lecturer by asking to speak, is very loud, and doesn\u2019t let anyone (or at least me) comfortably listen to the lecturer. I\u2019ve told the person repeatedly to stop it and I think they get the idea I don\u2019t really like them. But I\u2019ve been thinking, am I overreacting? How should I deal with this situation? It doesn\u2019t seem like the sort of thing for r/relationships, so I posted here. This is my first time, and I don\u2019t know whether this is too big or too small.", "answer": "Can you talk to the instructors or other folks in charge of the camp about it? They may be able to do something about the other person's behavior, or at least talk to them about it from a place of authority.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "caomnf", "comment_id": "eta2kif"}, {"question": "Managing obsessions - how do you do it?", "description": "I've been obsessing a lot lately. You know obsessions, no matter what, they always come back. Now, your natural reaction to the kinds of obsessions I'm experiencing would be to try to argue with it and reason with it logically. I have done this before - for 6 months straight, 10 hours a day. I'd go over it and tell myself why it wasn't logical or reasonable and that I shouldn't even be worrying about. This would relieve my anxiety for about an hour or two, till I started to panic again for hours and hours, researching obsessively, till I was able to tell myself why it didn't make sense again. This would repeat daily and it was all consuming. I couldn't shower, eat, sleep, or think about anything else. I was stuck. Long story short, because I've gotta get back to work, are there any treatment ideas that aren't compulsive type of behavior?", "answer": "Look into acceptance and commitment therapy. Practice de-fusing from thoughts. Observe them as something other than you, just random electrical noise in the brain. And work on accepting them for what they are. The fighting against thoughts is ironically what makes them keep happening more and more. Additionally, exposure therapy can help address your OCD comprehensively and by confronting, rather than avoiding or doing compulsions can help diminish the obsessions over time.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "hbp3tx", "comment_id": "fva8maj"}, {"question": "How do i start focusing on me? How do i value me and love my self more? Im The Nice Guy. And im Ingeneous Fool. I try to hard to get others like me.", "description": "I know i can do it but its hard without you guys. I have zero social skills. And im boring af in texting. I chase girls way too much", "answer": "It's a tough thing to work on.  You have to find a way to stop chasing girls.  Force yourself to do it at first, then eventually as you figure some other stuff out, it will become natural.  The odd consequence is that once you legitimately stop caring about chasing girls (and aren't just faking it like at first), they'll be more likely to come to you.  \n\n\nFigure out what you're in to.  What are your hobbies?  What are you good at?  If you think hard enough and don't give up, you can probably come up with a list of things you like about yourself.  Focus on improving those or setting new goals for yourself that have nothing to do with getting approval from others, things that just make YOU feel good for achieving whether anyone else ever knows you did it or not.  Try to force yourself to keep your goals and personal work to yourself for a while, that way you know if you're still getting enjoyment, they're truly being done for you and not for the approval of others.    \n\n\nI can't tell you what to do specifically because different things work for different people, but it will go a long way.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97i6qo", "comment_id": "e48d9kz"}, {"question": "Is it 'Normal' to feel worse after starting therapy?", "description": "I have been depressed the last 10 years or so,t I have had better and worse periods. I have just started going to a therapist to try to figure out why I have to stay in bed for 3-5 weeks 2-3 times every year. I don't wanna do that anymore!\n\nAny who, I have had three appointments so far, but I feel worse than ever and cry myself to sleep almost every night now. Something I rarely did before. And the suicide thoughts and the lingering sensation that I am a complete failure at everything is the worst I have ever felt. Almost overwhelming.\n\nIs this therapist completely off (I really like her and feel like i connect good with her) in what she is doing with my brain? Or is this just 'normal' when first starting to go to therapy?", "answer": "When you start talking about and thinking about things you haven't dealt with, that underlie your depression, it can stir you up and make things feel worse before they start to get better.  I liken it to a wound that has healed improperly and is infected.  The doctor has to open it up and clean it -- which hurts like hell -- so it can re-heal properly.\n\nThe way you're feeling -- make sure you tell your therapist about it.  She needs to know how you're reacting so she can help you in the right ways.  You might want to give her a call before your next session and tell her what's going on.\n\nSource: I'm a trained psychotherapist (not licensed yet), I deal with depression myself, and I have had a lot of therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17cb25", "comment_id": "c846jk2"}, {"question": "Long distance", "description": "I've been dating this guy online for a while. I love him, and I think he loves me. Usually he makes me feel amazing and brilliant, but sometimes he gets upset with me, and I feel like shit.\n\nBasically, this is a misery loves company post, and I want to hear about someone who has dated someone who made them feel worthless sometimes and fulfilled and loved other times. \n\nI just don't know how to leave him and move on. I need to.\n\n", "answer": "If someone truly loves you they never make you feel worthless. Never", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdsw0", "comment_id": "de9aixx"}, {"question": "Can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "This is really just a general question. Not sure if this is technically the place for it?? So please remove if not allowed.\n\nGender: female\nAge: 24\nMedications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify\n\nI was on Facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. I commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. I was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. I sort of stopped abruptly. For the lamotrigine I did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. The venflaxine I simply stopped taking. I know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight I guess I wasn\u2019t really thinking. I felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and I was having medical issues at the time that I associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). I was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when I stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. But I had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. They couldn\u2019t really do because I\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else. \n\nWhen I commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? I understand the withdrawal symptoms and I definitely think I\u2019m dealing with those. But kill me? That sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, I\u2019m not a doctor so IDK. So I\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "There are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.\n\nStopping an SSRI, SNRI, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. It can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. But still, not everyone has any problems. If you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.\n\nLamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. There\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. For most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.\n\nThe biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i\nIt sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. All of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. Ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fjgorwr"}, {"question": "My rock bottom", "description": "I thought I could do moderation, but I can't.  Last night, I woke up at 3am in my car with no idea how I got there.  I'm scared.  Im starting complete abstinence.  Please, any words of comfort would help.", "answer": "It will get better, but if you didn\u2019t go what you\u2019re going through you probably wouldn\u2019t have the motivation to stop. The pain is necessary, but it is also temporary.\n\nEdit: \u201cThe pain is necessary, but it\u2019s also temporary.\u201d  I think I may have to copyright that shit.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs48ry", "comment_id": "exdbtz5"}, {"question": "My anxiety [20/M] making early relationship torture, is it normal? If not how do I deal with it?", "description": "So I'm a 20 year old guy, who only really started to do the whole talking to girls thing a year ago. Since then, there's been 4 girls I've been on dates with and interacted with a lot. First never progressed past first date, second was very close with, third fizzled out because LDR and the 4th is currently going on, a girl who I've been friends with for quite a while now, and only started dating 3 weeks ago. One thing they all have in common is that I get far too invested, far too fast. This isn't to say I profess my undying love for them on the first date; I keep it to myself. But after I've spent a lot of time with them, having fun, I find myself not enjoying my own life when I'm alone. All of my normal hobbies lose their lustre for me, and I just end up counting down the days until I can see her again. This inevitably leads to me being more keen to see her than she is to see me, which then leads to me doubting that she is even interested in the first place, because I'm the one chasing after her (I have problems with cognitive distortions like that, which I'm also trying to deal with). This just makes me stressed and depressed and makes me feel like a loser who doesn't deserve her because I don't have half as many friends or as busy a life.\n\nThis is currently happening with my current girlfriend. Is it normal to feel this, maybe not as extreme as I have? Is this something everyone has, and you just have to ignore it? If not, what are good ways of dealing with it?\n\n[TL:DR] Anxiety making early relationship torture, is it normal? If not how do I deal with it?\n\n", "answer": "these are self esteem issues. i would see a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66pxk6", "comment_id": "dgkjncd"}, {"question": "How long can you go without showing any symptoms of Clamydia?", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: male\nHeight: 5\u201911\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of complaint: none\nLocation: none\nExisting medical issues: none\nCurrent medications: none\n\nI had unprotected sex about 9 years ago. I have no reason to believe I do have Clamydia, as I was never contacted by that partner nor by a doctor. I have never shown any symptoms.\n\nI have submitted a urine sample today as me and my GF have recent discussed having children. I wanted to make sure I\u2019m clean for when we take off the protection.\n\nHowever I\u2019m naturally a very paranoid person, and the two week waiting period for the results has me stressed, and I\u2019m looking for some piece of mind.\n\nIs it possible to have gone these 9 years without showing any signs of Clamydia?\n\nThank you in advance for any responses.", "answer": "Although this isn't my area of medicine, I think the answer is a somewhat surprising \"we don't know, and we don't even know how to know.\"\n\nConsider: how would you examine this? You can test people randomly and see how many asymptomatic people have chlamydia, but you wouldn't know for how long. It would be unethical to not tell them or treat them and see how long it takes for symptoms to develop. There's really no great way to be sure how long an infection can persist unnoticed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsn18g", "comment_id": "eoogb49"}, {"question": "Sister-in-law suffering from delusions and paranoia after shoulder surgery. 46f", "description": "Sister-in-law suffering from delusions and paranoia after shoulder surgery.\n\nBack in may my Sister-in-law (46 year old Female, approximately 5 foot 5 inches. Slender build ) had shoulder surgery because she had repeated shoulder displacements/injuries due to seizures. She has epilepsy that is mostly controlled...maybe four events a year. After her shoulder surgery they modified her epilepsy medication because it seemed to be reacting with her pain medications and it seemed to work ok. However, in October we started noticing strange behavior and then she started to become very vocal about delusions she was having. We brought her to the hospital and she was involuntarily committed. We suspect it could be the medications but it has been over two months and the doctors have not been able to determine the root cause of the issue.  I\u2019m happy to provide more info if needed like medications. Also, she lives in the UK but is in a hospital in the USA currently. Thanks.", "answer": "Any way of getting her back to the UK? Any contact with her GP back home who would know her full medical history?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "egzywj", "comment_id": "fcdu6wr"}, {"question": "Always planned on being dead by the time I reached 25, that's only 3 months away. But living my life with that mindset that the future doesn't matter has led to many bad decisions that are making my future hard.", "description": "No savings, bad credit, no vehicle, job or home, a string of bad relationships, health problems from past drug use/addiction and bad self care, made alot of enemies, and ruined alot of peoples trust, ruined great opportunities and let this disorder along with bipolar disorder just get worse and worse untreated and so much more I can't put into words easily.\n\n I'm finally trying to live my life and be happy, working with a therapist, back on medicine. But sometimes the problems I created for myself from living with the \"I'll kill myself soon so what I do now doesn't matter\" mindset make me feel like I can never live a \"normal\" life, not normal in the 9-5 job, wife, kids and house sense but normal as in being able to keep my moods under control and not ruining all my close personal relationships. Not being self destructive not having constant invasive suicidal thoughts.\n\n The good thing is I read stories of people who have successfully turned their lives around and are managing very well with this disorder. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm too far gone. \n\nThis is more just me venting seeing if anyone can relate. But if anyone has advice I'm open to anything you have to say. \n\nAlso apologize for rambling and grammatical errors my mind is going a mile a minute currently. ", "answer": "Lol.. I had that same mindset. In high school, I thought I'd die before I graduated. Then I graduated and thought I wouldn't make it past college. And again, and again, except I had made a plan when I was in middle school that i will kill myself at 27 if I made it to that point. The 27 club you know. \n\n4 years ago I graduated with my masters degree. Last year I got married. My wife is currently pregnant. It's been amazing. And I never imagined I'd be here. How did I do it?\n\nHonestly I chose to become a therapist. I learned about this disorder and I learned about dbt, and I learned how to be the guy in the chair. And from there I learned how to accept help and change. I could have gone to therapy and learned that way, but I taught myself. It took years of hard work. I burned a lot of bridges and lost many friends. I still struggle with anxiety and impulsivity. I smoke weed and sometimes have to force self care. But I never stopped and never gave up, despite planning to do so. You can do it too. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "avvx97", "comment_id": "ehi72ze"}, {"question": "I (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how I feel without crying but that seems impossible as I've tried a million times...", "description": "We are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. However the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by. \n\n\nI want to tell my partner how I feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when I cry. I hate HATE that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hold the tears in ffs! I want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. I will literally stop mid sentence when I feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. I've tried rehearsing, I even cry during that! What's worse is that I'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. I can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as I talk, tears run... It's so frustrating. \n\n\nAny advice on how to talk to him without crying? And yeah, I've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and I don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "dmlgwxh"}, {"question": "Which level of therapist?", "description": "I have been frustrated with calling therapists and them saying they cannot take any new patients... So, I'm kind of not sure. I am fortunate enough to have insurance that will cover mental illness. However, when searching - I am overwhelmed by types of therapists: social worker, clinician (which I'm not sure what that means but they have an MSW by their name), and psychologist. I previously saw a psychologist, but she was a bit unprofessional about a situation which is why I have had to seek another. I *was* calling new psychologists, but like I said they are full. I suffer from depression and anxiety that stems from my PTSD. Does it matter if I see a social worker or clinician instead of a psychologist? I have been working with therapists for about 4 years now so it's not a new thing but I know if I go without therapy too long, I can backslide. ", "answer": "This is taken from my first blog post [here](http://thewebshrink.com/therapy-101-getting-started-and-what-you-need-to-know/)\n\nHopefully you find it helpful.  \n\nWhat Do the Letters Mean After a Therapist\u2019s Name and Does this Matter?\n\nThe letters after a therapist\u2019s name generally represent 1 and/or 2 things, their college degree and/or their professional license.  In the United States you essentially have 2 types of mental health therapists:  psychologists and master\u2019s level therapists.\n\nIn order for someone to officially call themselves a psychologist, they need to obtain a Doctoral Degree and obtain a license.\n\nLicense requirements for psychologists and master\u2019s level therapists vary from state to state but essentially require passing board exams and working for several years under the supervision of an experienced psychologist (or licensed Master\u2019s Level Clinician) after having obtained the necessary college degree.\n\nPsychologists will most commonly have the following letters after their name: PhD, PsyD, Ed.D., and will include the title Licensed Psychologist.\n\nMaster\u2019s level therapists who have the ability to work towards licensure have either graduated with a Master\u2019s Degree in Psychology, a Master\u2019s Degree in Social Work, or one in Marriage and Family Therapy.  These therapists will generally have the following after their name: M.S., M.A., M.Ed., MSW\n\nIf they have obtained their professional license they will have additional letters after their degree (In some cases licensed Master\u2019s level therapists choose to only list their license as it can be assumed they have a Master\u2019s if they have obtained that license)\n\nMany states in the United States use the following letters for licensed Master\u2019s Level Therapists though some states have different titles and use different sets of letters.  They are generally comparible.\n\nLPC\u2013 Licensed Professional Counselor \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Psychology and has met requirements for licensure.\n\nLSW or LCSW\u2013 Licensed Social Worker/Licensed Clinical Social Worker \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Social Work and has met requirements for licensure in their state.\n\nLMFT\u2013 Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and has met requirements for licensure in their state.\n\nIn PA and in some states, an LSW is a license a therapist with a degree in Social Work can obtain on the way to obtaining an LCSW.  Essentially the LCSW is equivalent to the LPC and LMFT.\n\nSome professionals might argue tooth and nail over the differences between the clinicians above and some might argue that everyone from their degree and or license type is better suited than others to be therapists.  The reality is that degree and even license does not necessarily always indicate the amount of experience, skill level, and personal fit.  It is safe to assume that if a therapist has the education and the license, they are capable of providing sound and ethical treatment.  You will have to determine through their advertisement or your experience of them if they are good fit for you.\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9bah4b", "comment_id": "e51skoy"}, {"question": "Bad reaction to Seroquel. Can lamictal have similar side effects like this? Afraid to take it", "description": "23F, 115 pounds, hypersensitive to medication, liver problems \n\nI hadn't slept in close to 48 hours so Friday night I took one of my partners seroquel (stupid I know. I just wanted to sleep and he says they make him sleep. I think it was a 100mg tab)\n\nFell asleep pretty quickly but I woke up feeling like every muscle in my body aches. I was extremely dizzy and couldn't walk straight, stumbling. I couldn't focus and to be honest I wasn't entirely sure what was going on. I was nauseous and sweating (fever sweating not like hot weather sweating) my heart was beating like crazy. I have never felt my heart beat that fast. I could barely sit up for longer than a minute without using the room spin and feel like all the blood in my body was shooting up to my head. My bf kept trying to get me To go to the hospital but I went into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed and slept for about five hours.\n\nI think it was the Seroquel since I've had some bad reactions to meds before (like risperidone). Currently I am taking 50 mg of lamictal twice a day. I can't see my doc til Wednesday and she doesn't like discussing medication issues over the phone. I am afraid to take my lamictal because I don't want to overload my body and have that happen again. can lamictal produce the same effects like the Seroquel?", "answer": "You probably had some combination of a big blood pressure drop, sedation, and a fast heart rate, all of which are common problems that people get when starting Seroquel at too high of a dose, especially if you are small physically and if you tend to have trouble with medications.  I wouldn't even necessarily call that a \"bad reaction\" to Seroquel specifically so much as a complication of taking too much too fast that would probably happen to most/many people.\n\nThere should not be an interaction between Seroquel and Lamictal especially since you are taking a reasonable dose of Lamictal.\n\nIn future another great resource for reassurance on things like this is to call your pharmacy - they are open on weekends and pharmacists are great resources when it comes to side effects and medication worries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4wj5no", "comment_id": "d67pnzp"}, {"question": "Turning 25 this year and have never been in a romantic relationship. Starting to feel hopeless.", "description": "I have an amazing family, great friends and an all around good life. But I can't seem to make a romantic relationship work. \n\nI've had a couple girlfriends and gone on lots of dates, but nothing serious or very long lasting. \n\nAll I want is a girl I can talk to and watch stupid YouTube videos with, nothing crazy. But everytime I am romantically attracted to someone, it falls apart in my hands. I act like a moron, no matter how much I try to \"be myself\", not happening. And the few girls I have managed to become comfortable around, either friend zone me or I try to take the next step and fudge it up some way or another.\n\nI don't know why I'm making this post. I don't even know what my real problem is. I just need to get this out.", "answer": "maximize opportunities to have conversations with girls. recreation/social activities, online dating, meetup.com. it will happen!   then go SLOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67uf92", "comment_id": "dgtfh5n"}, {"question": "So, could someone explain to me what that difference between BPD and Bipolar Disorder is?", "description": "Hello all. I'm trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. The therapists and counselors I've been to don't listen to me that well, and I just want to know what is wrong with me. I've always been depressed, but I have had many other problems. Here recently I'm beginning to think I'm bipolar, but I don't know if that's all. As the title says, what is the difference between BPD and bipolar disorder?", "answer": "The moods in Bipolar disorder last for over 4 days. Also in BPD, the moods tend to be fairly reactive to events or situations while in Bipolar disorder heightened stress can set it off, but it tends to be consistent regardless of issues.\n\nMania and hypomania are fairly unmistakeable. Pressured speech, not sleeping for days, grandiosity, are in the realm of Bipolar disorder. At times mania progresses into psychosis. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "1jax0l", "comment_id": "cbcz17p"}, {"question": "I have a problem, but I think AA/Rehab is full of predators and cultish.... but I don\u2019t know what else to do.", "description": "I have been to rehab 3 times and aa countless times. I hate those stupid \u201c keep coming back\u201d chants. It seems like brain washing to me. I don\u2019t want to be a sheep. I guess I am anyway, since my life is dependent on whether I can get drunk/high or not. I still honestly DO NOT want to base my life on a book that some womanizing man wrote. I know about the big book. I gave the shit a fair chance SEVERAL TIMES.  Alcohol is and always has been my main issue. But more needs to be done ab this \u201c 13th stepping\u201d bullshit. Y\u2019all ( or I guess I should say some of y\u2019all bc I haven\u2019t met EVERY SINGLE PERSON in AA and it would be unfair of me to say all of y\u2019all) hold dudes with 10+ years sober up on this pedestal when they are predatory towards women that have less \u201ctime\u201d sober. In my experience, the women that have multiple years sober are a lot of times competitive and gossip ab everyone. It has always felt like I\u2019m in high school. I didn\u2019t fit in when I was in high school. And I don\u2019t feel like I fit in with most of y\u2019all,either. All this \u201c sit down and shut up\u201d shit doesn\u2019t SIT DOWN well with me. I keep waiting for Jim Jones to bring out the punch, or coffee, as the case may be. Either way, I am a 29 year old 5\u20194\u201d 140 pound female and I drink at least 3 bottles of wine a day. It\u2019s either that or a 750 ml bottle liquor a day. Usually with some schlitz or 4 loko added. This has been going on continuously for about 4 years. But I have been drinking heavily for the past 12 years. That in addition to the daily hard drugs will no doubt kill me sooner rather than later. I just don\u2019t really know what else to do. I know what future I will have if I keep the heavy daily drinking/drugging. Is there another way to look at this program that isn\u2019t so cult-ish?", "answer": "For me, AA is about the 12 steps, not necessarily the meetings. Some meetings are okay, but they are far and few between in my opinion. I try to go to Big Book meetings or Men\u2019s meetings; more often than not you\u2019ll find people who are there for the right reasons at them. I would think the same would be true for Women\u2019s meetings too. Also, if AA is a cult, but it helps me to find a way to stay sober and happy in life, sign me the fuck up! Personally, I was miserable and wanted to die before AA. I\u2019ll take happy, sober, productive, and being of use to other people all day over that. Call it a cult, call me brainwashed; I don\u2019t care, it\u2019s a way of living I wouldn\u2019t trade in.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "io3f1b", "comment_id": "g4bpxrj"}, {"question": "I'm in pain", "description": "I have to remind myself not to try and get out of it, because its impossible. I just want to concentrate, I'm at work. Now is not the time to revaluate everything about my life or if i should exist at all, i have responsibilities to discharge. Constantly feeling incapable, like a failure, and shameful make it so hard to concentrate.", "answer": "I'm the same way, I c a n n o t concentrate when  I am in crisis, which is often. I've found the only thing that truly helps is unfortunately self care. It needs to happen daily, constantly. You must always keep self care in your top priority. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "64m3dy", "comment_id": "dg3aqt3"}, {"question": "How to make husband stop playing games all day", "description": "Hello,\n\nMy husband has always been a gamer, but ever since we got married it has started taking over his entire life. \n\nHe plays around 12hours everyday. He basically only stops to eat and sleep... he doesn't work his parents pay all for him.\n\nWe barrely have any talking time at all. When he's playing he never answers me because he's too focused and when he's not, our conversations don't last long because he wants to continue playing. \n\nWhen I met him he already was a gamer and I didn't mind at all. I loved his hobby and loved watching him play. Besides playing he went to university and we spent lots of time outside talking about our future.\n\nHe's never been a very active person but he used to go out when I asked him too and talk a lot. Now that we're married he quit university and basically doesn't have a life outside of the room with his computer. I have told him several times I want him to game less, but he only lasts for a day...\n\nWhen I want to go anywhere I have to persuade him for days to go and even then he often cancells on the same day.\n\nRight now I'm in online university and need to study from home. Because we live in a one-room I have to bear with his gaming sound while studying and it's driving me crazy. I'll ask him to read a book so I can concentrate but he refuses. He just says he'll stop his game and surf the internet. But the clicking sounds is still annoying.\n\nAs the days pass by I'm starting to get really turned off by him. The only image I have of him all day his him playing, laughing at a screen chatting with strangers. \n\nWhat can I do to make him more active or minimise his playing? I already tried talking with him and threatening doesn't work. He just tells me to leave if I'm not happy...\n\nWhat can I do so that he finally starts having passions again? Something other than games.\n\n\n\n\n(Sorry for my English)\n\n", "answer": "you tell him what you need. if he won't respond or no compromise possible, then u decide whether the good is worth the bad", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vidc4", "comment_id": "de2cb65"}, {"question": "I think my friend is faking Schizophrenia & Multiple Personality Disorder.", "description": "So I have a friend whom I know very well online. We are in a friend group in which everyone except me believes he has multiple personality disorder.\n\nHe says he was 'diagnosed as having schizophrenia' and apparently he chooses when his alternate personalities can come to control. The personalities share almost exactly the same opinions with him and can apparently let memories be his also. I'm so tired of this bullshit of him lying about this. There's so much shit that I'll update later in the comments. ", "answer": "Well, if he is claiming that Schizophrenia = multiple personalities, then that is just not accurate. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that involves a whole cluster of debilitating symptoms. \n\nSchizophrenia is fairly rare (about 1% of the population). Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka \"Multiple personality disorder\") is even more rare (and many professionals would argue that it doesn't really exist). The likelihood of him having both AND being functional enough to describe it/maintain a social friend group online is less than 1 in 10,000. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4phuze", "comment_id": "d4le9sh"}, {"question": "82 y/o Male Hyponatremia after TIA - can't find a cause.", "description": "This is about my grandparent, he suffered a TIA - was treated and now he's suffering some consequences after it, like frequent need to go to the bathroom. Please see below some details and I would appreciate any suggestions about next steps or exams to the determine the cause and stop the weakness and confusion that low sodium may be bringing into his life.\n\nAge: 82\n\nSex: Male\n\nRelevant medical conditions:\n\n* Diabetes Mellitus Type 2\n* Transitory Ischemic Attack (TIA)\n* Urinary Urgency after TIA\n* Frequent Urination after TIA and under normal levels of glucose\n* Weakness, dizzyness and leg weakness \n\nCurrent medications:\n\n* Lipitor \n* Sitagliptine Clorhydrate Metformin\n\nCurrent sodium level: \n\n* 131 ml/dl (moderate) - ideal is 135 at least\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Hyponatremia is common after neurological insults, and while a TIA is supposed to be a completely reversed episode of ischemia, there are times when \"mini-stroke\" is a more accurate description: most of the damage reverses, but not all. Cerebral salt wasting syndrome is a possibility and consistent with the frequent urination; it's a disorder after brain injury, including strokes, that leads the kidneys to inappropriately excrete too much salt and water along with it, and can cause increased thirst and desire for salt. SIADH is also common after brain injury, but is less likely to have increased urination (it's not impossible, but less) and has different mechanisms.\n\nAt this point a neurologist needs to be involved, the hyponatremia worked up, and appropriate treatment begun. SIADH and CSWS have different treatments, so distinguishing those (or another cause entirely) matters.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8tfkw0", "comment_id": "e174g1w"}, {"question": "Minor inconveniences ruin my mood and ability to concentrate", "description": "I've got four hours of work still and a lot of shit to do, but I can't concentrate on any of it because I had a call with my phone operator's customer service during lunch that annoyed me. how do y'all move on from feelings and thoughts. this is exhausting.\n\n\nedit: managed to calm myself down and get back to work after an hour of walking/trying to distract myself on my phone enough to stop the hyperfocus. Thanks guys!", "answer": "Omg yeah if you find out, let me know lol.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c0bdbp", "comment_id": "er3otwe"}, {"question": "Does my employer have dementia?", "description": "My employer is a white male, 60 years old, 6 feet tall, and roughly 220 lbs.\nBoth of my employer\u2019s parents have dementia and so does his sibling. \nRecently he was talking about having a moment where he could not recall what happened for several hours. He described it as one moment he\u2019s reading at home then all of a sudden he\u2019s driving his car and doesn\u2019t remember anything between. There have been times lately that I have to remind him about a scheduled appointment multiple times and he still gets the dates wrong.\nCould this be dementia?", "answer": "Losing track of a discrete period of time doesn't sound like dementia. That could be a seizure, as others have suggested, but seizures don't last hours or involve going from one place to another. That's more consistent with dissociative fugue, a dissatisfying technical term for loss of memory without a clear explanation.\n\nLosing track of appointments and times could be dementia, but that's also something some people have lifelong problems doing right. If this is a new problem, it's maybe concerning; if he's always been someone who needs to use a planner and calendar (whether or not he reliably does so) it's less worrying.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8yw0g", "comment_id": "fafvk37"}, {"question": "Best way to stop taking narcotics?", "description": " white/native american female age 45\n\n5 4 and 170 pounds\n\nLiz franc fracture and dislocation\n\nBeen taking percocet presribed by doctor for 10 years\n\n\nI am tired of taking this medicine and worried about my liver. I have talked it over with my doc, and his advice is to slowly taper off. But I have trouble tapering due to the pain and inability to walk without pain pills. And I wonder how much of this is now...physical dependency vs actual pain. \n\nI know there are some centers that will put you in a coma for a day or two to help with the withdrawal and giving people the ability to basically come off the pills quickly. But of course, my insurance won;t  pay.  I am wondering if there is anything the doc could prescribe to help not only with pain....but with the withdrawal sypmtoms. I am wondering if legal marijuana would help with the pain of the actual injury, after I get off the pills. I am in a place to do this...but not sure how to proceed. And advice would help. Thanks", "answer": "Methadone for addiction/dependence can only be given in a methadone clinic. For that legal reason it\u2019s often much easier for a slow decrease to be managed by someone specifically treating pain. That\u2019s the crazy world we\u2019re in.\n\nIn addition to going very slowly, which can help with preventing withdrawal, there are medications that can ease (but not prevent) many of the symptoms. Clonidine helps overall, anti-diarrhea and -nausea medications, and others.\n\nIf the problem is pain that is uncovered by reducing pain medication, however, it will also require something else to treat that. Talk to a pain specialist, if you can, about non-opioid options.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cflcjn", "comment_id": "euayu30"}, {"question": "Working in a Halfway House", "description": "So I am working in a halfway house. If you have lived or worked in one what can you share with me?", "answer": "Watch for relapsing. It happens a LOT. Drug test and breathalyze often. Your clients/housemates may hate you for it but it pushes out the non serious people and pretty soon the house will have strong recovery that attracts strong recovery. Those who aren't serious will stop trying to enter and you will have a strong recovery house! Good luck!", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "2rzsaq", "comment_id": "cnl3f1i"}, {"question": "I need help.", "description": "I'm new to Reddit so I don't really know how this works but here it goes. I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years, we live together, and it's been quite the journey. We've been through a lot, and she's helped fight through my crippling depression and anxiety. Anyway about a year ago she went with her mom up to New York for a trip, and I found out recently that she hooked up with her ex while she was up there. She's been extremely apologetic and says it'll never happen again but I just don't know if I'll be able to trust her. She seems genuinely sorry and wants to make amends, but I just don't know. For 3 years she was my everything, my best friend even. And I just don't want to think that those 3 years were a fucking waste. What should I do? I still love her so much, but loyalty is extremely important to me. If we can't trust each other, how can we maintain a relationship? Do I just cut her off now, or do I let her have one more chance? She's everything that I got, so it's hard for me to just let go. Please help. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of two things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf9y7", "comment_id": "dd6qro9"}, {"question": "conventionally attractive girl in male dominant Brazilian jiu jitsu setting - please, please help", "description": "So this isn't a common problem but I have a lot of anxiety over it. I need perspective (also I'm a foreveralone, so I came here). \n\nI'm a very awkward girl. Also, I don't have a lot of things to relate to people with. I don't go out, party, or hang out with friends. I'm very much work focused/a shut in. I pretty much only interact with people when I'm having sex. I have hobbies but they're not the same as other people's - piano, rescuing cats, knitting, etc\n\nCue Brazilian jiu jitsu. I'm obsessed with the sport and I'm proud of my progress. I'm very friendly, but I don't inherently understand social settings/how to work them, plus I'm not sure of myself (residual problems from an extremely abusive past), so I'm very quiet. Trying to feel people out, and ask questions about themselves. But apparently it all comes across as sexual.  Someone told me after class that that's my energy, regardless of what I say. I know I'm not tweaking my nipples while I'm talking to people, so I have no fucking clue what it is.\n\nI've had a few guys talk to me after class, being nice, getting my number and junk. I'm kind of happy because we share a common interest of BJJ and maybe we can be friends, but really.. I have nothing else to talk about. My go-to topics of interest are primarily sexual because no one else appreciates knitting (I know right?). But the few I've opened up to socially are starting to hound me about it. They want to bang me. I don't want to \"shit where I eat\" and they're not even my type. I'm not even a HB10.\n\nI know that opening up the topic of sex is on me, but I really like how open about it I am, the sex jokes I make and I'm proud of being sexually free. I even make those jokes around my family. I'm just not vulgar and it's all pretty innocent/playful. Still though, I get that it's my fault. Next time I will just settle for having nothing else to say.\n\nBut this makes me not even want to roll with some of the guys. But how the fuck do I even talk about something like that to my teachers? Hi I'm awkward and now this is going to be awkward for you too?\n\nHow many fucks should I give that I'm rolling with guys who want to bang me? If you've seen BJJ, sparring with a partner leaves very little room for personal bubbles. Should I just suck it up and tell them to do the same?\n\nHow do I 'turn off' being sexual? I almost feel like it's part of who I am.  Anyway please help. I'm sorry if this all sounds incredibly stupid but I need to find a way to be more social (more social period) without opening myself up to being taken as a one dimensional sex fiend.\n\nThanks for reading.\n", "answer": "Have you seen a counselor? It sounds like it would be really helpful for you to have something to work through this stuff with. It CAN and WILL get better, but it gets better much faster with help :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "14ehqt", "comment_id": "c7d4ju2"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been in this pattern before as well. The narcissists I\u2019ve ended up with in the past were also very manipulative and emotionally abusive.  \n\nWhat do you think attracts you to these types? Also, are you more of an empath? Are you someone who over looks some of the negative behaviours of your partners/sees the good in them and their potential? \n\nThere\u2019s some interesting articles about empaths and narcissists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd4381y"}, {"question": "How do I help my mother to help my father to get help?", "description": "My father is a severe alcoholic with un-diagnosed mental issues. He suffers from delusions, anger, mood swings, and more. I'm not a doctor, and know nothing about mental health really besides some anxiety and depression that I suffer from myself. He will not get help, and he is losing his mind and it is killing my mother. He stays up all night drinking and talking to some fake catfish girl online while my mother can't sleep and shes in her 60s and works a full time job. He just drinks all night and goes to bed at 8 in the morning, then sleeps all day. Who can my mom call? She is having a very hard time with this and I don't know what to tell her. She goes back and forth because she's worried he'll die in the hospital and that he's too far gone for help, but also says she can't deal with this anymore. ", "answer": "Do you believe that the alcohol is causing the mental health problems or did they exist before he struggled with drink?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zj4qk", "comment_id": "deys5ci"}, {"question": "My SO (31/M) doesn't want to live with me (30/F); is this potentially a red flag?", "description": "Been with my boyfriend for two years as of yesterday. We met at work (still work together) and when we started dating he was going through a divorce. They were not married for very long but they dated and quickly moved in together and then were engaged within a year. Lots of fights about money during their marriage and then she decided to leave him after about two years or so. \n\nFrom our first date, we were basically exclusive and knew it would be something serious. In a lot of ways, his divorce has never impacted us. He has never been distant or seems like he needed space or had insecurities about me because of his ex. He has always told me we were something long term.\n\nHowever, I find that we never discuss the future as it regards to us as a couple. He will either talk about super far off events, like our retirement, or closer events, like a trip a few months out. But we don't talk about moving in or marriage (and to be clear, I don't want to get married right now but I am more using it as an example since it is a pretty commonplace conversation). I have mentioned wanting to live together and he has expressed that it worries him because of his past bad experiences. This was a few months ago. \n\nHis lease will be up soon so instead of badgering him about it I figure I will let him bring it up when it is time for him to decide on signing for another year. But institutionally, I think he will not want to live together. Part of me can see that some of these actions are him being gun shy from the divorce, especially since he had no time on his own after it was over and I want to be supportive of that. I know a lot of people say they are more cautious and move slower in their next relationship. And if it really is just that I could wait another year to live together. \n\nBut another side of me can't help but wonder if I am holding on for something that really has to do with me. I know he loves and cares for me but maybe something in him doesn't want to move forward with me specifically. We already spend five nights a week together and I wonder if he isn't ready to live with me by now, would more time really make a difference? I feel like he did everything for the ex wife-moved her in, married her, moved to another state so she could be with her family, bought her a dog, etc etc and here we are at two years with no real progress. I can't help but to take it personally and I am not sure if I should or if I am just being overly sensitive. \n\nDoes this sound like it is something I should worry about or just a guy taking his time after a bad experience? And I know people will tell me to talk to him, and I plan to once he makes his decision about the lease because I feel like that is a good lead in. Right now, I am just looking for some objective opinions. \n\nThank you!", "answer": "if you want the next level and he doesn't, that's a problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zcd3h", "comment_id": "dex2mnh"}, {"question": "Will I have to get re-tested to get medication again?", "description": "I got diagnosed with ADHD in middle school/high school years by my pediatrician at the time. Yes I was on medication as well. But its been over 5 years since I have taken medicine or seen an adult physician about it. I moved to a new city since then and i am in my third year of college and over the years my gpa, my relationships, and my work situations have suffered tremendously. I finally got around to making an appointment with a doctor in a few days and i was wondering if since its been so long since i\u2019ve taken medicine and been diagnosed if i\u2019ll have to be re-tested?  \n\nthanks!! ", "answer": "Probably not retested but if you can get a hold of your old test records or medical records, your doc would probably find it helpful.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ae2s3m", "comment_id": "edm05z0"}, {"question": "What's up Wednesday?", "description": "Hey everyone it's Wednesday that means the week's half over! How's it been going? Share your triumphs, struggles, or just general chat!\n\nTriumph: I got my 90 day chip at my homegroup on Monday with my Dad there.  He told me how proud he was of me.  I'm choking up writing this, but I'm also learning that that's OK.\n\nStruggle: I've been feeling a bit lonely the past couple of days, which was one of the reasons I used to drink.  I'm learning to deal with it though.\n\nGeneral chat: The fall leaves are so beautiful right now.\n\nHave another great 24 hours folks!", "answer": "Congratulations and hang in there to everyone in this thread.  Here's mine...    \n    \nTriumph:  Yesterday was my dead brother's birthday (August was the tenth anniversary of his death).  It's always a hard day of the year, and I used to always spend it drunk.  Yesterday I was able to spend it with my fiance and my family, and be both happy and sad and it was okay.    \n    \nStruggle:  I don't make enough money at my job, but no one's hiring someone with erratic part-time hours dictated by a school schedule.    \n    \nGeneral chat:  It's the nicest time of the year where I live.  Our summers are usually cool (foggy through June, sunny but cool through August) and then we get a beautiful 2-3 hot, sunny weeks at the end of September/beginning of October, then a beautiful month or so of fall, then rainrainrainrainrain.  But it's gorgeous right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "118v6m", "comment_id": "c6kfgve"}, {"question": "Need a third person perspective, my thoughts are messed up and I'm so confused.", "description": "* \nMet this girl last week on a trip, we hit it off instantly. Had loads of fun with her, and other people commented to me that they thought she was into me. I reaaaly started to like her. More than I've ever liked a girl in my life.\n\n* \nWe slept in the same bed on one night, nothing happened. Just cuddling. And we talked most the night as well and the bus trip home. \n* Over the past week we have talked every day on the phone/facebook for at least two hours, we've been texting each other constantly as well these past few days. We know so much about each other and we've had some emotional conversations. The majority of our conversations are just fun though, we both think the other person is hilarious\n* \nConversations are very flirty, when I see her she touches me a lot.\n* Met her for lunch today, and she dropped a huge bomb. She has a boyfriend. She said she'd been feeling really guilty texting me all week  and still wants to be friends. I acted like I didn't care and we sat there for another few hours, we then walked around town for a while just having the banter. I felt sick, I was a mess. I don't know if I hid it well though.\n* One thing she did say to me was that her and her friend we discussing me and they both agreed I was hot and she tried to set her friend up with me and (her words) \"because I couldn't\". I didn't do anything because I liked this girl.\n* I don't want to be in the friends zone. She texted me a few hours ago and I haven't replied. I really really want to though. I miss her already.\n* \nI've never met her boyfriend, and I don't want to.\n\nI'm a mess. Help me.\n\nI want to tell her something, but I don't know what. Cutting contact isn't possible because we are both involved in a club and will be seeing each other a few times a week anyway. I want to tell her something when we're both drunk, there's a club night out sometime soon.\n\nThanks guys\n\nx\n\n\n\n", "answer": "I've been in that EXACT situation before and I can say from experience that it's terrible.  At the time I did what it sounds you are doing - I left her alone. Now I'm in my 40's and have a slightly different perspective on life and as I look back, I can honestly say that possibly the single BIGGEST REGRET I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE IS NOT PURSUING IT.\n\nYes, she has a boyfriend, but she's not married or engaged.  If I had pursued the girl at the time, she might not have wasted many years in an abusive relationship that ultimately drove her to severe emotional problems.\n\nLife's about living.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fyk6i", "comment_id": "c1jluuo"}, {"question": "I still love my abusive ex from 3 years ago", "description": "TLDR at the bottom\n\nI met my ex (let's call her Jane) in highschool back in 2009. We hit it off fairly quick and started dating after only knowing each other for a couple months. We dated consistently for 7 years after that.\n\nWe fought a lot, but I never thought it was more than the average couple. It wasn't until I started seeing a therapist in early 2018 that I realized exactly how emotionally abusive Jane had been towards me.\n\nShe would consistently hit below the belt. She would take every opportunity she could to make me feel dumb, like she was superior to me. She would shame me whenever I made a mistake, making me feel 10 times worse than I already did. She would make me feel like I didn't belong around her friends by always talking shit about me towards them. Her friends would tell both Jane and I that she was too good for me. \n\nShe would constantly shift blame and try to make me feel bad for anything that ever happened between us. Somehow every problem in our relationship could always be traced back to me and I had no way of arguing against her sheer ignorance and lack of logic. She lives in a world where she is never wrong.\n\nIt's safe to say that our relationship was mostly held together by our sex life. This was the aspect of our relationship that had the least issues. This was also one of the only ways she showed me affection. She didn't like hugging or cuddling. She didn't like to kiss very much. She didn't like human contact. The only time I was able to be totally comfortable with her was when we were having sex, and that was inconsistent because she has a low sex-drive.\n\nShe cheated on me with her best \"male friend\". To make this more clear, me and this guy always had issues and she knew that. This was literally the worst person she could have cheated on me with. I shamefully forgave her, and tried my best to move on.\n\nOnce we were in college together things only got worse. She would go out drinking 4 nights a week and I was not allowed to come with. She did not like being around me when she was drunk, so I was told to stay home instead. Typically I would sit at home all night and pray that she didn't cheat on me. I honestly still don't know to this day if she cheated on me during those nights.\n\nIn 2014 we had a child together. She was still in college and I had dropped out to work full-time at a crappy job just so we could afford to support our son. After a year of trying to make it work as a family she finally left me for good. She moved 3 states away to distance herself from me and she took our son with her. Now I drive 8 hours to meet with her twice a month so I can see my son for a total of 8 days a month.\n\nJust to make things that much worse she lied and told her entire family that I hit her. This way I couldn't even talk to her family. These were people I had grown to love over the last 7 years, they were basically a second family for me.\n\nI still love her. I have every right to hate Jane, but I don't. I don't know why I still feel the way I do about her. I'm ashamed to admit this to any of my family members, they all treat her like she's the plague, and I know that she deserves it. I haven't even admitted this to my therapist. I just can't bring myself to get over her. There is nothing I want more than to hate her, but I don't.\n\nWe broke up 3 years ago and I still think about her every day. I still have delusions of Jane and I sharing a future with our son together. I hate myself for thinking these things. This is my deepest secret.\n\nTLDR: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years before she finally left me and took our son 3 states away. I can't get over her and I'm ashamed to even admit it to my family and my therapist.", "answer": "This is honestly a lot more common than you'd think -- you are not alone in this. If you google it, you'll see a lot of people with a similar struggle. I have been struggling with this a lot recently myself and feeling so much shame about it and the book The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes is so far helping a lot. ", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "apkc16", "comment_id": "eg9othl"}, {"question": "Long term effects of SSRI use?", "description": "I\u2019ve been on anti depressants pretty much my whole life. Fluvoxamine at age 8 when diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and then Escitalopram at 18 when the Fluvoxamine was no longer working. It\u2019s crazy and a little scary to think how this medication has effected my body? My liver?", "answer": "You were given antidepressants at age 8? Wow.\n\nIn practice antidepressants are fairly safe for long term use - usually untreated mental illness confers more risks. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75w4os", "comment_id": "do9nkjc"}, {"question": "I will be presenting some humorous awards at my firm's Christmas Party. Any advice on public speaking and improvisation?", "description": "I was asked to present the awards with another coworker, I don't know if we have \"chemistry\" presenting together or not, but I would like advice on what I should watch out for or some form of general presentation about the basics of public speaking. \n\nI am not that scared about it, but I would like not to embarrass myself.\n\nAlso, since it won't be a scripted event, do you have any improv tips and maybe some clean jokes that I could/should use? \n\nThank you.", "answer": "http://sixminutes.dlugan.com/ is a great resource for public speaking.\n\nBeyond that, practice! However, don't try to memorize your speech word for word. Just memorize an outline, and then practice it several times. Your actual words each time will vary, but that's ok because you will always hit the important points.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13y96h", "comment_id": "c78bd6n"}, {"question": "so i have this problem where...", "description": "so i have this problem where i cant really act like the way i want to without worrying about what other people will think. Unless there is someone who is more 'cringey' than me around, i will pretty much be anxious of what other people will think..", "answer": "It doesn't matter how many of the symptoms for social anxiety you have. All that matters is that you ask yourself this question,\n\nIs your worrying causing you marked distress on your everyday life? And do you want that to change?\n\nIf the answer is yes, go see a therapist.\n\nYour symptom list doesn't matter. People see therapists for 1 symptom, some see a therapist for 100 symptoms. All that matters is that you have something in your life you need to fix.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3y20e1", "comment_id": "cyak388"}, {"question": "Should I forgive him", "description": "So I'm in quite a peculiar situation. My boyfriend cheated and says it made realize he had fallen in love with me.\n\nI'm a senior in College and I've been dating this guy for almost a year. It was very light and fun at first because we both new we were graduating but we ultimately fell head over heels for each other. \n\nSince we are graduating soon, we started having talks about our relationship and the likelihood of it ending as we are going separate ways due to job opportunities. We stayed together because our relationship was so special but neither of us had openly admitted that we'd be willing to try long distance. \n\nTwo weeks ago, things got heavy and I realized that I gebuinely wanted to see where our relationship could go after graduation. He told me he loved me and that he had been holding it in. I reciprocated and we got even closer than before. \n\nToday, I told him flat out that I want to be with him after graduation and I would regret it if we didn't try to make this work long distance. He fought me a little, being very wary of the concept until he got extremely emotional. He told me he had slept with someone and that it happened the night before he told me he loved me. \n\nAfter some screaming (my part) and begging (his part) and crying (mutual) I let him talk. It was a classmate of his that was going through the same relationship issue and didn't know what to do. They had bonded over that. \n\nHe explained that he did it as a sort of self sabotage, because he didn't want it to be as hard to break up. He figured if he did something so bad, it would help him move on. He said that immediately after, though we had only talked about going our separate ways, he knew that he was in love with me and had made the biggest mistake of his life. \n\nThe next day he told me he loved me and I was oblivious. I had noticed the change in him though and I could see in his eyes the way he looked at me. I have never felt that close to anyone in my life. \n\nHe says that he wasn't going to tell me he had cheated because we are going our separate ways in a month and he didn't want to put that pain on me if it wasn't necessary.\n\nThe reason he broke down and told me was because when I said I wanted to stay together after graduation, he knew that he wanted to as well. He also knew that he couldn't stay with me without telling me of the night 2 weeks ago that ultimately forced him to realize this fact. \n\nPlease help. I have been cheated on before and have had no trouble kicking the guy to the curb with a firm \"good riddence\". But this guy is special. And I truly believe him. I just don't know if I can forgive him or trust him. Is it worth it?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68kdkw", "comment_id": "dgzfal0"}, {"question": "Is under 4\u201910 LeGaLLy constitute someone as a little person? Or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23F // White // 115lbs // smoker // No drinking // \n\n\nI\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me I\u2019m LeGaLly a little person even though I\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and I don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person. \n\nSo here I am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people? \n\nBecause dang if I\u2019m a little person this whole time I missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (That\u2019s a joke because I in no way shape or form feel like a little person and I feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title) \n\nThanks for any help in advanced! I really just want to settle it, if I\u2019m wrong I\u2019ll take the L!", "answer": "I believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the US, which would exclude you. As the other poster noted, if you want to know about ADA and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. Medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "faas9d7"}, {"question": "Loss of sensation after IM injection", "description": "Male, 19, 180cm\n\nI took a Diclofenac IM injection in my deltoid and it was normal until I woke up the next morning and I absolutely couldn't feel my biceps, it's been like this for a week now. I just cant sense the area under my deltoid and when I touch it with my fingers I don't feel like anything touched my arm, completely numb.\n\nI can move the muscle just fine, but its very uncomfortable,  Should I see a doctor for this or is this just a side effect of the IM injection?", "answer": "Rarely, a poorly placed IM injection can hit the axillary nerve, which can cause paralysis and loss of feeling in a small, specific area on the front/side of your arm. The superior lateral cutaneous nerve off of that is smaller and supplies sensory information to that area. I've never heard of just that being hit, but that's what it sounds like.\n\nHopefully the nerve is just irritated and will recover. You could see a doctor, and perhaps get more specific testing. I'm not sure what intervention would be possible, but a neurologist could know more.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mcd7n", "comment_id": "dzmf8yt"}, {"question": "My [27M] special someone [26/F] has had past MMF threesome \u2013 seeking advice to get over it", "description": "Thank you for taking interest in my post! This is a throw-away account, obviously. First, I\u2019d like to provide a little background on myself. I have only been intimate with two women, ever. I dated one of them for four years, and the other for six years. I am not insecure \u2013 I just enjoy being best friends with the person I choose to have regular sex with; I have never been a fan of hookups.\n\n\nAbout one month ago, I met the girl of my fucking dreams. We\u2019re compatible in every way imaginable. Music, food, cars, games, philosophies, careers, family \u2013 everything. She has the sweetest personality, and is absolutely smoking-hot (also great). I already feel like I\u2019ve known her my entire life, because she is essentially me in female-form. I\u2019ve taken a multitude of women out on dates, and just never really felt a connection. With this girl, it\u2019s very different \u2013 we both feel an undeniable spark. We live on opposite sides of the state, so seeing each other is essentially a weekend-trip, which we\u2019ve done a few times already. There have also been a few spontaneous midnight drives. We both see fantastic things in our future. We really, really like each other. We\u2019re a much-needed breath of fresh air for each other.\n\n\nHOWEVER, when our friendship was in early development, I remember her making a comment about how attractive a passing-by female was. I asked if she was bi-sexual, and her answer was \u201cmore like bi-curious\u201d. My heart began racing, as I\u2019ve always been timid on the subject of threesomes. However, out came the question: \u201cSo you\u2019ve never been in a threesome? Me either.\u201d She stopped for a moment and said:\n\n\n\u201cPlease don\u2019t judge me, but I have been with two guys at once. It was like six years ago, and I was sort-of dating one of the guys. We were cuddling, when his friend randomly entered the room. He laid on the other side of me and started touching me between my legs. Then, my boyfriend started kissing me. Before I knew it, they were both inside of me. I didn\u2019t do anal or anything \u2013 I was just like, Eiffel-towered I guess. I was laughing the entire time, totally shocked that it was happening. It wasn\u2019t rape \u2013 I was young and stupid so I went along with it. Clearly my boyfriend at the time pre-planned it without me knowing. I\u2019ve never had a fantasy of being with two guys at once \u2013 it just sort-of happened and I don\u2019t know why. It wasn\u2019t even enjoyable. I didn\u2019t even orgasm, and neither did his friend. I\u2019ve always wanted to try an MFF threesome though, so if you\u2019d ever be open to that, I\u2019m your girl.\u201d Obviously not quoted to a tee, but this is everything she said.\n\n\nNow, okay \u2013 NOT a deal-breaker. I still really, really like her. She\u2019s been very open about discussing it, and I\u2019m working on getting over it. Threesomes have always been a big insecurity of mine \u2013 probably because I\u2019ve low-key wanted to have one but never admitted it to myself. The fact that she had sex with 100% of the number of people I\u2019ve EVER had sex with in a single session makes me a little jealous. It makes me feel like a loser, kind-of. Only now, watching MMF porn instantly makes me feel sick, but it\u2019s all I\u2019ve been watching in attempts to get over it. Every time I see the year \u201c2012\u201d anywhere, I immediately start picturing her in a threesome. Every time there\u2019s another guy in our presence, it\u2019s all I can think about. Ever since learning of this, the thought has crept into my mind nearly every waking hour. Some days it\u2019s better than others. We\u2019re still talking every day, and we\u2019ve seen each other / gotten very intimate several times since I learned of her threesome. I have no intentions of leaving her \u2013 she\u2019s the fucking jackpot-lotto woman besides the threesome. I\u2019ve even told her: \u201cI don\u2019t wish you hadn\u2019t had that threesome, because it\u2019s part of you, and I like you \u2013 it\u2019s just me that needs to overcome it.\u201d\n\n\nI\u2019ve been thinking a lot about how to cope, and strangely enough, I think having an MMF threesome with her would immediately make me feel better. I am NOT insecure \u2013 I wouldn\u2019t get butt-hurt watching another guy do her with me. The only reason I want this, is because she said her original threesome was poorly-executed and didn\u2019t feel good. I know for a fact that I could give her an enjoyable one. I aim to succeed in all facets of life, and I\u2019m certain I could make her feel like royalty in that bed. I believe this sex act would \u201coverride\u201d her threesome from 2012. You know, \u201cOh, yeah she had a threesome back in 2012 but that was just child\u2019s play \u2013 I gave her the one she actually enjoyed.\u201d Whether or not she\u2019d even be up for this \u2013 I have no idea. She\u2019s definitely open to an MFF threesome, so maybe we can do both? I really have no idea.\n\n\nAm I going crazy? I feel like I might be. I really, really, really like this girl and I\u2019m willing to do whatever it takes to swallow this. I just want to never think about it again and move our relationship forward. Does anyone have any advice?\n\n\n**TL;DR \u2013 **my new female SO was involved in a random one-off, uncalled-for MMF threesome six years ago. I am having trouble swallowing it, because I\u2019ve never had a threesome. I don\u2019t think she\u2019s a slut. However, I want to have an MMF threesome with her now, as a means of \u201coverwriting\u201d her past one.", "answer": "everyone has something in their past. it's NOW that counts", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z26n6", "comment_id": "dms2kh8"}, {"question": "Do I have Alexithymia?", "description": "(forgive me if I've made any mistakes with this post, or if I'm posting in the wrong subreddit. I've never used Reddit before until now)\n\nFor some background information on my mental health: When I was in Kindergarten I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), and when I was around 10-11 I was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).\n\n\nMy parents never really believed in my Autism diagnosis and simply told me that, \"the doctor was crazy, and didnt know what he was talking about\". Therefore they just dismissed it and moved on, I tried to as well but I never could as it explained a lot of my behavior. Therefore why I'm posting here instead of asking an actual medical professional, due to my parents most likely not taking my worries seriously.\n\nRecently I've told a friend (who's actually a certified professional in treating children with Autism) about my worries, which are that I'm unable to feel certain emotions such as empathy. I've never been able to truly feel empathy, not for others and not even for my own family members. I've never felt loss at funerals, and I've never been able to sympathize with my closest friend. I know how others should react to it, so for the sake of not being seen as insensitive all I can do is fake it. The best thing I can describe to what I feel when it comes to emotional situations is just emptiness, I just cant feel anything.\n\nI'm also mostly unable to feel love, I have an amazing family who love, care, and have always supported me. But it's very difficult for me to love them or to show love towards them, It makes me very uncomfortable to show physical/verbal forms of affection towards them. \n\nThe fact that I'm emotionally distant has caused me to become closed off with my family members to a certain point, and has made it difficult for me to form new relationships. I can feel other emotions such as frustration, happiness, and certain degrees of sadness. But I cant seem to feel empathy nor affection towards others.\n\nMy parents tend to blame my lack of empathy towards the fact that I'm an only child and am 'spoiled'. I don't think I am, but maybe that could be it?\n\nI told my friend about this and she asked if I was diagnosed with Alexithymia, I said that I wasn't. But that response made me think about it, which brings me here.\n\n\nSo do I have Alexithymia? Is all of this just a symptom of having ASD? Or am I just a spoiled person who will (hopefully) eventually grow to cultivate these emotions?\n\n\nUpdate: A redditor below suggested that I try some online assessments, I tried out a test for Alexithymia and the results determined that I have a high amount of Alexithymic traits. But I'm still uncertain of its accuracy.", "answer": "How are you in normal, everyday social conversations?  Do you feel awkward?  Can you pick up on sarcasm and stuff like that?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eh3dod", "comment_id": "fcd6u8k"}, {"question": "Just got discharged from a hospitalization due to anaphlactic shock. I still have some questions.", "description": "Male, 27, 5'9', 170 lbs, Caucasian, smoker.\n\nWas diagnosed an anaphylactic to tree nuts 20 years ago. Never had a severe reaction until last night where there were traces of Cashews in some noodles I ate at 15:30. Didn't take my epipen cause I didn't have difficulty breathing. Took a pill of Benadryl at 18:00. By 19:20 I was perspiring like crazy, vision blurry, stomach and chest pains, body was fully red and itchy, hives everywhere. Didn't take my epipen because I thought it was for solely when I had trouble breathing. My family convinced me to take it, and I felt immediately better. The first time I took it in 20 years. \n\nAfter 20 minutes, the symptoms came back and I rushed to hospital and took another epipen at 20:15 and was triaged by 20:35. The nurse didn't think it was that severe \\[I don't think\\] because I didn't have trouble breathing - but I had a ton of other symptoms. She asked me why I took my epipens if I didn't have any trouble breathing - alluding that I took them unnecessarily. By 21:00 my vision got blurry, I couldn't hear anything, so I went up to the nurse and said I think was going to pass out. I said I think I need another epipen, and she said I didn't, and I didn't need to take two before. The hearing loss and vision loss lasted for about a minute and thirty seconds (fading from consciousness), where the nurse rushed me onto a bed by stretcher and the doctor took my blood pressure. They found that it was extremely low and the doctor said I immediately needed an IV drip and shot of adrenaline. I was then was given steroids, Benadryl, and something for the chest pains and was released after all the symptoms subsided at 00:30. \n\nAfter reading online, I found some articles saying the primary cause of death for people with anaphlaxis can be either shock or asphyxia. In the case of a tree nut allergy, should reactions be treated as deadly exclusively when there are breathing problems? Or is the cause of death as often 'shock' as asphyxiation from a closing throat? I have read some papers online saying that death from anaphlaxis can be caused by shock - is this the case for people with food allergies? Or is it only for other things, like venom? \n\nAny clear information and knowledge on this topic would be appreciated, so I know how to react next time I experience symptoms. ", "answer": "I have no idea what the relative breakdown of angioedema (swelling) and hypotension (shock) is in tree nut or any food allergies, but yes, both can occur and both are serious. Although I hate to blame other medical providers, it sounds crazy to me that someone wouldn't take an allergic reaction that required epi seriously only a few minutes after you gave yourself epi. Yes, it sounds like you risk anaphylactic shock, and so if you have a serious allergic reaction you should give yourself epi sooner rather than later, seek medical attention, and be clear that you have a history of severe low blood pressure from tree nuts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94bsbn", "comment_id": "e3jskqn"}, {"question": "Realistic expectations from transplant", "description": "Hello,\nMy father (69M) is set up to receive a heart transplant any time between now and the next six months. The last year or so of his life been pretty up and down as his heart failure has resulted in multiple trips to the ER as well as a pic line set up for him to take diaretic and other fluids at home. \n\nMy main question, which answer has been (understandably) very wishy washy from doctors is, if a heart transplant is successful, what will my dads life look life afterwards? I understand it takes time for the body to accept the organ and what not so just going off best case scenarios. Right now three flights of stairs would be a lot for him. He used to be an avid skier and hiker. Would he be able to pick some of those activities back up? Or does his endurance and strength stay about the same, just overall is better and he gets to see my family grow up?\n\nThank you for your time", "answer": "Some of this depends on details of the heart disease requiring transplant. Generally, barring immediate complications, functional outcomes are good. After a transplant most people can resume work and, although they are usually deconditioned from illness, can resume exercising.\n\nIn your terms, he probably won\u2019t immediately gain strength, but he will regain enough stamina to eventually regain strength and more stamina if he works at it.\n\nThere\u2019s no promise of a good outcome, but that is the outcome for most patients in the short term and lasting for years.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e2nw3g", "comment_id": "f8wpr2m"}, {"question": "Finally won the fight with Anxiety.", "description": "For years I thought I was ADHD, personality disorders, or anything else. But after taking Paxil 30 mg every day, and 2mg Klonopin at night, I wake up happy, I talk to people, I am thoroughly happy and have no setbacks. It has taken me 10 plus years to finally figure this out. \n\nI wanted to control my anxiety without meds, but I realized that isn't possible. I will forever be on meds but if that means my life is happy and I have no limit on what I can do mentally and emotionally, consider me happy to be medicated. Just wanted to share my story. ", "answer": "WTF? I know it feels good to have a handle on it, but K-pins do not give up easily. That's a 10 year ride to hell possibly. I'm scared for you but understand why you did it. I'd fight for Ketamine treatment first and second then ECT or whatever before resolving to Clonazepam. Please read accounts of benzo withdrawal and tolerance. Keep fighting. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "54fg7j", "comment_id": "d81xs99"}, {"question": "Is there a way I can find out what\u2019s wrong with me without therapy?", "description": "Like a psychiatric hold, but for people who don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with them?\n\nI know I have issues, but I don\u2019t want therapy I want to be medicated and be done with it. Suggestions please.", "answer": "Many cinical psychologists do diagnostic assessment without treatment . It usually involves a clinical interview  and tests.  Afterwards , a diagnosis is made and recommendations given .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g44zoc", "comment_id": "fnw2gdk"}, {"question": "Can't stop thinking about an angry note left on my door (NSFW content)", "description": "Rant incoming. I just can't stop panicking about this.\n\nI recently started seeing someone and (for the first time in a long time) things have been going really well so far. We went out a couple nights ago and then he came back to my apartment and spent the night. In the morning, this note was taped to my door:\n\n\"Hello to All Occupants,\n\nWe ALL heard your sexual encounter last night/early this morning.\n\nPLEASE keep your private time private:\n\n- get a new box spring\n-- yours is squeaky\n\n- have sex earlier when we are more likely to be cooking dinner, washing clothes, etc. and wouldn't be able to hear you.\n\n- Please limit the fake moaning and screaming. We know it wasn't that good.\n\n* Loud sex is NOT appropriate late Tuesday nights when we all are trying to sleep in order to work the next day.\n\nThank you!\"\n\nLogically, I know this note is unnecessarily harsh for several reasons:\n\n- Why tape this to my door to publicly shame me when slipping it under the door would have been just as effective?\n\n- This is the first time I've had sex in my apartment for almost a *year* so it's not like this is some kind of repeated offense.\n\n- I've lived here for 3.5 years and it was not any louder than it's been in the past, but this is the first I'm hearing of it?\n\n- We live in an apartment complex where the walls are real thin. I can try to be quieter but people are gonna hear shit no matter what I do..\n\n- They want me to have sex during the day when people are awake and more likely to hear..?\n\n- Y'all, I swear I was not faking. It was just real good sex.\n\nDon't get me wrong: I feel terrible if I kept anyone up and I'm trying to figure out how to keep things quieter moving forward. But that's the thing (and the reason why I'm posting here): I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for days. The notes about the bed frame and my noises in particular have me feeling insanely insecure. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's night - I try really, really hard to be considerate of my neighbors. I was just completely in the moment with this guy who has been wonderful and focused on enjoying my time with him. I know that the next time he's over, I'm not going to be able to get this out of my head and it's going to dampen things for us.\n\nMy anxious brain has been in overdrive. I could move the bed to another part of the room, but I don't know where the neighbor who wrote the note lives so where would even be a better spot for them? I can't get a new bed frame so even if I'm silent, will they still get annoyed by the bed and I'll get another note publicly shaming me in the morning? What if they report this to the front office and a note gets added to my records saying there were noise complaints and that makes its way to my next landlord without me getting a chance to explain? Do I really sound like I'm faking when I'm not? If I change my habits now, will my partner sense a difference and think I'm faking (which in a sense I would be, because it wouldn't be my natural reaction)? Was it really so loud that everyone in my hallway heard or just a next-door neighbor? Do they know who I am? Is this all they're going to think about me when they see me entering my apartment?\n\nA small part of the non-logical animal portion of my brain is so amped up, I've had thoughts of moving. The logical portion of my brain knows that's ridiculous and it was a one-time thing and I'm not inherently a bad person and it'll be okay. But those portions of my brain are doing a shit job of talking to each other so here I am feeling crazy anxious.\n\nIdk why I'm posting this.. I guess just looking for support. It's gotten bad enough that I'm having trouble focusing at work. I know once he comes over again and we're quieter and I don't get another note, I'll be able to relax a little. But this is torture in the meantime. Anyway, idk. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "This is purely meant to shame you into acting the way they want you to act.  \n\n\nAs someone who has personally dealt with a lot of shame throughout my life, I can say one of the biggest areas of growth for me is working to feel that I'm worthy of the space that I take up in the world and it's okay for me to live my life, even if by doing so it inconveniences others.  I'll never EVER become the asshole who just does whatever he wants regardless of how other people feel so I'm not concerned I'm going to go too far to the other end of things, but it's taken me a long time to feel okay with the space I take up.  \n\n\nIt sounds like you're experiencing something similar here.  So long as you're not breaking any rules you signed off on when entering into your contract for your apartment, you can do whatever you want in the space that YOU pay for.  If they want you to have a less squeaky bed, tell them you'll get one if they pay for it.  If they want you to change how you act (even when it's in accordance to the rules of your lease) tell them you'll do so, if they pay your rent.  \n\n\nIf it were me.... today... versus when I was much worse with my anxiety over upsetting others, I might leave a note on my door stating those things.  \n\n\nComplaints against you to the apartment office are not going to make their way to your next landlord unless of course your landlord is looking for past landlords as references (most don't ever do this in my area, they usually just want to verify your income and get a credit report if anything at all).  \n\n\nLastly, you have no idea whether anyone else heard you but your one neighbor.  The note wasn't signed by everyone on your floor.  The use of \"We all...\" was just another attempt to guilt/shame you and control you into doing what they want you do to.  I wouldn't put too much stock into it.   \n\n\nYou do you!  You're worthy of the space you take up in the world.  You have just as much right to live your life and do what makes you happy as anyone else.  Given that you pay for your apartment, you have every right to do whatever you want there.  So long as it's within accordance to contracts/agreements you've signed and in accordance with the law, nobody has the power to stop you but yourself.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "d6eg50", "comment_id": "f0tlzh9"}, {"question": "Request: Counselor isn't offering much help with binging issue", "description": "I've had a lot of issues with binging for about 6 years off and on. I've been on lately, having issues with binging almost daily again. And when I can get away with it I've been purging again.\n\nI've talked to my therapist previously about having issues with binging and didn't receive much advice beyond \"eat salad\" which I guess can be helpful, but not really too much.\n\nSo I don't really know what to do. I feel like I'm losing control of everything again.\n", "answer": "It sounds like your therapist isn't trained in eating disorders. I'd seek out one specifically trained- ED is a pretty \"special\" illness and often isn't addressed by the generic rules of therapy. \"Eat salad\" isn't great advice at all. Sorry you have to go through this.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "4vk93d", "comment_id": "d5z7ij7"}, {"question": "BF talking behind my back to ex GF, any advice?", "description": "Hello!! Sorry guys. this is gonna be kinda long but if you could spare me just a moment and give me your opinion on the situation at hand that would be so wonderful!!\n\n\n So I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and things have been pretty sweet. Our relationship has been stellar tbh. I'm 20 and he is 22. But just recently I had noticed in the past couple of weeks that my SO had been receiving messages from of his exes (we share my laptop just to clear the air) and I really didn't pay any mind to it or anything because I trust my SO, and I just didn't think any thing of it. But my SO would leave his FaceBook account logged in and open. And ya know I would log into my laptop here and there and one evening I saw mutiple message notifications from the same ex and I did something fucked up and I snooped, I'll admit I invaded his privacy but I wanted to see what was up, curiosity got the best of me here. When I saw what was said I felt heartbroken. He was talking about a small argument we had gotten into and sending her screenshots of the whole ordeal and putting me on blast, meanwhile she was calling me a psycho, crazy, and mentioning that it didn't seem like we had a healthy relationship. He was just letting her rip at me without defending me. And what makes me crack up here folks, what really gets me, is that this ol girl cheated on my SO in high school. And there were more flirty type messages but I think that's maybe all the details I should give out about the situation lol. \n\nAnyways when I saw the messages I freaked tf out and I immediately confronted my SO, at first I questioned his ass about his ex and the conversations and he lied to me, so I plopped the laptop down in front of him and showed him the messages I had found, and he had such a major meltdown he started crying and was begging me to stay with him, he immediately messaged her and told her that he couldn't message her anymore and that I was too important to loose yadadamean, and went on to block her. \n\nNow I'm sitting here a couple days later trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I know he loves me and I do love him. But shit, you guys he lied to my face about this situation and was talking mad shit over practically nothing. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, giving him rides, you name it. I just feel so betrayed I would never speak about him in that manner to anyone, ya know? Now our relationship is hanging from its hinges. He wants to cuddle and get intimate with me and I just push him away. I feel like I can no longer trust him. And now he's frustrated and just wants me to move on and be happy with him but like how can that just happen? My emotions and feelings aren't a button a TV remote that you can just push to change. I want to forget about what has happened but every moment I'm with him the conversations haunt and mock me. We've already had many conversations about it, but it seems like nothing is helping. I feel like if I wouldn't had caught him he wouldn't had been sorry. What do you think? Any input would be so dearly appreciated!!", "answer": "Why do you wash his clothes and do his dishes?  Is he 8 years old?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4wrz", "comment_id": "dhbp73x"}, {"question": "I'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "She is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. I don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. If it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). Have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them.  if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate.  otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "ddlewf6"}, {"question": "[24/m]Stuck in a circle with my [22/f] girlfriend", "description": "I don't know if it's just me or what but I'd appreciate any advice please.\n\nI have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and we have a great relationship. When we first started dating we had a great sex life and trying new things. As the years passed we our sex life has died slowly. I know that when first date everyone has that honeymoon phase but now it's just like not common. But I have a  higher sex drive than her. She doesn't see it as a problem. I know it's not all about the sex but it's still an important factor. Any advice or anything be helpful. Also at the beginning of the relationship she used to be up for more blow jobs.  Now it's only if drunk and that still a push.\n\nCan this survive or is it actually just going to a dead end.", "answer": "all sex levels off to some extent. you just have to keep talking and finding common ground.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ms7h2", "comment_id": "dc611x1"}, {"question": "\u201cLet us go forward together, the struggle continues.\u201d Senator Bernie Sanders", "description": "I am angry. I am afraid. I am sad. I am in mourning.\n\nI fear for the country. I fear for our souls.\n\nWhat is to become of us.\n\n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I know this is tame, but please, I implore people to please, please, please keep anything even remotely political off of this sub. This is for all people who want to stop drinking. These things have a way of taking a life of their own and becoming decisive and negative quickly no matter the intent.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fx999c", "comment_id": "fmuos07"}, {"question": "Uncle lets people steal hundreds of dollars from his shop and customers, but never cuts them off. Only two out of 12 or so people haven't stolen from him.", "description": "My uncle owns a mechanic shop.  He's around 63 years old and still works 5-6 days a week.  His only employees are the same people that steal from him.  They have gone to customer's houses asking for money in his name.  They have stolen entire engines from his shop at night.  If he gives them money to go buy a part, they keep the money and won't show up for 2-3 weeks. These occurrences have been happening for years.  \n\nEven so...He forgives them.  As long as they don't show up for awhile, he forgives them.  He has neither cuts them off nor does he fire them.  Women who he had sex with years before will come ask for money, yet he will give them money every single time without fail.  These people, after stealing from him, show back up and act like nothing happened  My mother and I know everything they have done and they still have the audacity to smile and greet us.  This is past the point of insanity.  My uncle isn't rich.  He hasn't paid property taxes for his shop in years so he constantly toes the line of getting it taken away.\n\nThis situation is so crazy that I can't even begin to figure it out.  He won't follow advice from family and friends, he listens but won't act.  What do you guys think about this?", "answer": "Assuming he has capacity to make informed decisions about his finances and property, then theres nothing you can do. If he doesn't, then there's adult protection legislation available to you (depending on country to country).\n\nIf you have good cause for suspicion that customers are being defrauded, then it's a police matter.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "528wc4", "comment_id": "d7icri9"}, {"question": "AM I RE INFECTED?!", "description": "Hey, so recently both me and my partner tested positive for chlamydia. I got prescribed a singe dose of antibiotics which i happened to take this morning. My partner has not taken his yet. I know the doctor told me to abstain from sex for 7 days, but i completely forgot that he hadn\u2019t even taken his yet and i started to give him oral until i remember that i had already taken mine this morning. Did i just waste the antibiotics?? Will they no longer work? Am i re infected? Please help.", "answer": "The antibiotic is probably still in your system and therefore you're unlikely to get reinfected, but it's possible. You'll need to get retested to check.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8j682v", "comment_id": "dyxamha"}, {"question": "i don\u2019t understand the concept of attractiveness?", "description": "to explain: when i see someone who is conventionally ugly i can tell they are unappealing to look at because symmetry or health reasons but i never understand when people say ____ is so attractive. i kind of see everyone as normal or ugly (symmetry and health of skin hair etc) but ive never seen a natural person and thought they were pretty or enough to swoon over? i don\u2019t understand why i cant relate when people say ____ celebrity is so attractive.\n\nedit: ive had crushes before (never been in a relationship, im 18) but looks wasnt the reason i liked them. like they were normal looking but i liked their skills or talents or how they are as a person. looks is secondary but everyone who ive liked just looks normal. i can pick flaws easily", "answer": "That's because essentially there is no such thing as universal attractiveness.  Yes there are studies that overall symmetry in facial features is considered more attractive by more people, but past that, there is no one measuring stick.  This is why most people can point to a celebrity crush that their friends don't think is attractive, but can also point to someone that many people find attractive and that person doesn't do it for them at all.  \n\n\nOur brains are pretty hard wired for reproduction (I'd guess that's still the case to a certain extent for LGBTQ+ individuals as well).  I think we're attracted to those with a good amount of genetic difference from us because that's what makes the healthiest babies.  \n\n\nAside from that, personality characteristics help us determine who we find attractive and may matter much more than physical looks.  \n\n\nYour question though is focused on why you can't relate.  Nobody's going to be able to give you that answer.  It's possible you just put a lot more emphasis on personality than physical attributes, it's possible sub-consciously you're trying to be different to meet some need, it's possible you focus on negative things more than positive as a distraction of some sorts, it's possible it's some/all/none of the things I said or something completely different.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dilvx3", "comment_id": "f3x1euj"}, {"question": "What do you guys do when you get bored or fealing like you want to use??", "description": "Hey guys so im makeing a jar full of things to do when u get bored for one of my friends leaveing the rehab im at in 2 days as a good bye and good luck thing. I have hit a wall with ideas seeing as im only 34 days sober and this is my first time trying. So if you guys have any ideas that could help me out with the things yall like to do to stay busy or distract u when you got the urge to pick up that would really help me and another addict out!", "answer": "Watch stand up comedy. Watch a funny TV show. Read a book. Listen to an audiobook. Play favorite songs to sing and/or dance to. Write down what I'm feeling. Go to the library. Take a walk in a pretty neighborhood or cool part of town. Declutter. Go to the gym and hit the heavy bag. Take a bike ride. Do some stretching or yoga or whatever type of physical activity doesn't sound completely miserable. Take care of something around the house that you would feel better having done, like cleaning, rearranging furniture, organizing, or making some repair. Make lasagna or whatever easy, delicious thing you like.  \n\nWhen I am thinking about things to fill my time with, I try to choose something that will make me feel better about having done, even if it isn't always something I necessarily *want* to do. If I can't do that, then I'll just do things I want to do, like scroll reddit, even though I know I'll probably feel worse afterwards. Sometimes just distracting ourselves from using is an accomplishment.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "du0xo0", "comment_id": "f70pfnw"}, {"question": "Have I had a psychotic break?", "description": "Probably a stupid question, but this ol\u2019 brain isn\u2019t what she used to be. My psychiatrist is treating me for psychotic depression- and she suspects there may be some underlying schizophrenia do to my family history. I have had hallucinations- auditory and visual, for months if not years (long story). Yet I figured that a psychotic break was more along the lines of a nervous breakdown; which I did have 20 years ago, but nothing like that since. I meant the ask the doctor about this but I completely forgot. This is probably one of those things where \u201cif you need to ask, you probably haven\u2019t\u201d.", "answer": "No idea without knowing you - when I first read it I thought about a trauma history maybe than a psychotic depression. Youll know better than me! Have you always recognised the hallucinations etc as a symptom of illness or did you ever feel it was unquestionably reality?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d5ic15", "comment_id": "f0m1y32"}, {"question": "How should I handle an angry, alcoholic Father?", "description": "I am 31 and just getting over a breakup with a long term girlfriend. Long story short, I've been working through some addiction issues that cost me my fiancee, and have been forced to move back in with my father as I'm not currently employed. The good news is I've recently finished a degree in nursing, and all I have left to do is take and pass the state licensing exam.\n\nThe problem is my father is a big drinker. There's no physical violence, but he becomes angry, bitter, and resentful of me whenever he drinks. Not only has this made my own sobriety more difficult to maintain, but his constant threats to 'kick me out' leave me feeling scared and alone. Because of this, it has become practically impossible for me to study since I'm wracked with anxiety and panic attacks. I wake up thinking is today the day that I'm going to become homeless?\n\nI need some practical advice on how to manage both my dad and my own financial/mental well-being. Should I just focus on getting any kind of work to move out as soon as possible? Should I wait it out and try to pass the test after studying for 3-4 more weeks? Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "You need to find more appropriate living conditions. Easier said than done, I bet.\n\nIf you have struggled with alcohol dependence, have you thought about medication to maintain sobriety (disulfiram) + support?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5jvh14", "comment_id": "dbje645"}, {"question": "How to know when to end a relationship? [28/M] and [27/F]", "description": "After a fight and making up with your SO, how do you differentiate between temporary pushed away (feeling burnt out and almost soul less like feelings) to permanent unsalvageable broken feelings (I.e. needing to break things off with your SO).\n\nIs it a good idea to ask for space? For context , I feel emotionally unstable with regards to my relationship. Feeling burnt out from fighting so much and constantly not living up to my SO's expectations. What to do?\n\nAlso, another question is how do you differentiate general depression from relationship issues?", "answer": "couples counseling will help; always do this before a break up [abuse aside]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vbi4d", "comment_id": "de0qesx"}, {"question": "Advice regarding lethargy and lack of sex drive while taking fluoxetine", "description": "This post is regarding my fiancee who is as follows:\n-    age: 24\n-    sex: female\n-    height: around 160cm\n-    weight: around 73kg\n-    race: white british\n-    duration of complaint: 1-2 years\n-    location: England, UK\n-    medical issues: OCD\n-    Current Medications: fluoxetine (20mg daily), Cilest contraceptive pill\n\nMy fiancee has been taking fluoxetine for about 2 years or so to treat her OCD and it has been working very effectively during this time to effectively eliminate intrusive thoughts and anxiety resulting from them. However during this time she has experienced lethargy and a lack of sex drive.\n\nBefore taking the medication we were relatively sexually active, having some form of sexual contact on an at-least weekly basis. Since taking fluoxetine this has reduced in frequency to around once a month or less. We had a talk about it last night and she says she very very rarely feels any interest in sex and doesn't feel sexual desire almost at all. Before taking the medication she recalled feeling sexual desire and a desire to engage in some form of sexual activity on a more regular basis.\n\nIn addition over the past 2 years she has felt more lethargic and unmotivated to get out of bed. She has recently quit her job and moved in with me (in January this year) and has been struggling to find the motivation to get out of bed and apply for jobs. \n\nWe are looking for a solution to this problem and will be talking with her doctor about it but I wanted to ask a more broad community of medical professionals for their opinion on a solution. Do you think another SSRI medication might effectively treat her OCD without inducing these side effects? Or that she might benefit from a reduced dose of fluoxetine? Any other suggestions for us?\n", "answer": "Other SSRIs might not have these side effects. There are also non\\-SSRI options for anxiety. Bupropion \\(Wellbutrin\\) has an undeserved bad reputation for anxiety, but it's a fine medication and doesn't have sexual side effects and almost never causes lethargy, for example. There are many options.\n\nSometimes it works to have a \"drug holiday\" where you don't take an SSRI on the weekend, for example, to give libido a chance to recover. That's probably less effective for lethargy, and it's also unlikely to work with fluoxetine because its half\\-life is so long.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jurjm", "comment_id": "dz3seg4"}, {"question": "Living with a non adhd partner during shelter in place/quarantine. How are you and your spouse not killing each other?!", "description": "Omgggg as if having Adhd and being Married to a non adhd partner isn\u2019t  challenging enough under normal circumstances, doing it while cooped up together during this covid stuff  is excruciating \ud83d\ude02 I\u2019m so so fucking bored and restless and it\u2019s so hard for us both being home all day cause usually he\u2019s at work all day and Im usually working too and then out doing social stuff/hobbies afterward but now we are both home almost 24/7 and I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND \ud83e\udd2c and I can tell he is too he can\u2019t take my messiness or restlessness and bouncing around doing projects and he\u2019s constantly complaining about everything I do and honestly I\u2019m fucking just LIVING IN MY OWN HOUSE and I just feel so frustrated by his constant bitching and nitpicking and just making me feel like I\u2019m such an idiot and we are both constantly losing our tempers with each other and saying HORRIBLE things to each other. and it\u2019s so fucking hard not being able to get away from each other \ud83d\ude2d it\u2019s making me hate my husband. \n\nI can tell we are at our absolute wits end with each other and everyday the shelter in place and social distancing orders are being extended I can see horrible destructive marriage patterns (that we worked so hard to fix in counseling\ud83d\ude2d) coming back into play (Like the parent child dynamic and me just walking on eggshells and constantly fighting about chores) and then destructive adhd patterns that I have worked really hard to manage over the years are (impulse buying and extreme messiness and starting but not finishing project etc) slipping a little due to the lack of structure and stress and I know that\u2019s just going to make this worse and I just don\u2019t know what to do or how to live together during this time. \n\nI\u2019m starting to think maybe Carole Baskins was on to something and I\u2019m wondering where the hell can I get a tiger cause I\u2019m worried I honestly can\u2019t take much more of this.", "answer": "I could have written this. My god I get you.\n\nHe said to me tonight \"god you've just been so fucking difficult this afternoon\". I didn't even ask him why because I CANNOT HEAR YOU TELL ME I'M SHIT ONE MORE TIME. I know why I've been difficult. Because I want to throw myself through the window for some fucking stimulation. Him sitting around being pissed at me for being pissed is not making me less pissed!!!!!!! \n\nI don't even know what to do. I need to start going for a run but MOTIVATION. Ugh let me know if you figure it out. I would love the advice lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "fv7kev", "comment_id": "fmhh6ba"}, {"question": "Day 9 of Marijuana Cessation", "description": "Hi all, so I came across this page after googling Marijuana withdrawal. This is around my 10th time trying to give up after around 6-7 years of daily use. The longest I have gone is around 7 months.\n\nI just wanted to ask a quick question - does anyone have any trouble with constipation? I eat a vegetarian diet heavy in fiber (beans, bananas, LSA, leafy greens.) and exercise nearly daily. My exercise is predominantly cardio so I'm eating a lot of pasta.\n\nThanks in advance.\n\nI've been finding that there has been a definite effect on my bowel movements. I'm a heavy user so the first few days were ok - then around day 3 or 4 I didn't pass stool. Then on Sunday I drank a whole lot of water and went about 3 or 4 times in the space of 3 hours.\n\nSince then I haven't gone until now (lots of hard small stool).\n\nHas anyone else experience this issue?", "answer": "Yep! I'm in day 11 myself and I still am not pooping regularly. The first few days I didn't poop at all, but with exercise and lots of water, fiber foods, and stretching it's getting better", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4o0y90", "comment_id": "d48p148"}, {"question": "Should I be concerned", "description": "Serious question.\nI\u2019m 17 M currently starting my last year of highschool. I have reacurring dreams of committing mass murder and fantasise about torture. Over my time at school I\u2019ve been called cold hearted and heartless, my friends say I don\u2019t have emotions, when isis became relevant videos of their executions would be passed around while others looked away I laughed this also true with other violent scenes in movies I.e. church scene kings man which I find funny while others don\u2019t. People at my school are scared of me. \nI\u2019m just writing down what I can think of but should I be concerned?", "answer": "I think seeing a mental health provider would be good and could help your sort this out. You could speak confidentially about what is happening to you AS LONG AS your dreams are dreams and you aren\u2019t planning to kill anybody. However before disclosing this information talk to the provider about how they see their mandated reporting and tarasoff duties. Because while most good clinicians recognize thoughts and dreams are just that- inexperienced providers might freak and report you. However it seems like you\u2019re concerned enough that you\u2019re curious and open to feedback from others which I think speaks to the fact that you do have feeling in there. There\u2019s a good reason you are the way you are and it might be worth it to see what those reasons are. Take care!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p70zs", "comment_id": "dseysyv"}, {"question": "Had to cancel my birthday party", "description": "my 21st birthday is coming up and since it is so close to Halloween I had the idea to have a Halloween themed pregame/party with friends at my apartment on campus. I was anxious about even creating an event on Facebook and putting myself out there, but even more anxious when another friend received my invite then decided to make her party the same day and same theme, then invited the same friends who said no to mine and yes to hers. So that stung a lot. Then friends from other groups started dropping out....one even claimed she wasn\u2019t coming because \u201cmy party threw a wrench in her plans to go to happy hour\u201d. I had a panic attack, I cancelled the party and Facebook event. My friends are completely unsympathetic. I don\u2019t want to act like a brat, but I have always put so much effort into parties for friends. Just last week I hosted a friends party at my apartment and spent about $100 on decor and food and alcohol. However, when it comes time for my birthday my friends do nothing....last year they didn\u2019t even wake me up for dinner at our sorority house so I didn\u2019t get a birthday meal. I just feel like I put so much effort in for them, but then when I even plan my whole entire party for them they don\u2019t even bother showing up. I have major depression and borderline personality disorder so any small slight or rejection feels like a huge slap in the face. I don\u2019t know what to do. I am sorry for the length of this I just needed to rant and I am so suicidal. If I confront them about this I\u2019m terrified they will call me a brat or be angry with me. Once again sorry for the rant I am so upset", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry! Your friends sound awful. I really hope you have a happy birthday!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dkpxpr", "comment_id": "f4im5e6"}, {"question": "Women: Do you find yourself in dangerous situations more than your friends?", "description": "What I am going to say here is a very delicate issue and will mostly apply to women but I think it may also happen with men.\n\nI don't have so much trouble socializing as most aspies so I like to go to parties to dance.. but even though I've learned how to behave socially I often find myself in dangerous situations because I can't tell if someone has bad intentions with me or not.\n\nIf I am at a party, for example, I talk and dance with to whoever comes to talk to me because I think they are just being friendly and I don't want to be seen as rude because it makes me loose friends. But then all of a sudden I see myself in an abusive situation and don't know how to get out or even if I really should get out or am overreacting or interpreting things wrong! I just never see it coming, can't tell who is being friendly and who wants to harm me, while my friends usually can take better care of themselves.\n\nHas anyone ever had this kind of problem and overcame it or have any advices? This causes me so much trouble", "answer": "One of the best strategies is to stay with a friend or group of friends that you trust and who ideally has a greater capacity to judge people's intentions. You can also explicitly ask your friends to look out for you. Being in a group or pair dissuades people who would see you as an easier target if you were alone and it also means you can rely on your friend(s) to assess the intentions of the people who approach. Of course it can be a challenge to build friendships like this. Even if your friends are not with you, you can also get in the habit of describing a person's behavior and getting your friends' opinions early on.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "guab0w", "comment_id": "fshqq99"}, {"question": "I\u2019m obese, but have been told by a mental health team and my doctor to stop losing weight. I don\u2019t agree. I am being helped in dealing with an eating disorder, but feel like the \u201ctreatment\u201d is tailored towards underweight/normal weight people, and they all aren\u2019t considering my context. Am I wrong?", "description": "Female. In my 20s. 177cm. 97kg (214lbs). Diabetic type 2 and hypertension, but both managed with lifestyle now and don\u2019t need meds for them. I take escitalopram 20mg. Been on and off other anxiety meds lately - I stop them due to fear of weight gain. \n\nLost 60kg (132lbs) since July, most of it since August through quite severe calorie restriction. Recently started purging too. Yada yada yada. I know I have an eating disorder, and I am trying to get help. \n\nBut the thing is, my doctor sent me to a mental health team for help (I didn\u2019t get much of a choice but wasn\u2019t too against it, I wanted help for my anxiety more but they are focused on my eating). Initially saw a psychiatrist, diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa (atypical coz I\u2019m obese obviously). \n\nAfter seeing the psychiatrist, I went back to my gp and she told me that they said I needed to stop losing and maintain my weight. They didn\u2019t mention this to me and I was confused. \n\nAnyway, I see a psychologist there every week now. He said last time with the therapy and treatment, the aim is for me not to lose or gain, but maintain the weight.\n\nI just don\u2019t get it. I\u2019m still overweight by a lot. Which is unhealthy. Isn\u2019t it wrong of them to not want me to lose weight? I know I\u2019ve been doing it in an unhealthy way and my mental heath isn\u2019t great, but can\u2019t I work on this with their help and still lose weight in a healthy way at the same time? I really do not want to stop losing weight for any amount of time. And I\u2019m not underweight. I need to lose weight. \n\nI have a feeling this is their standard treatment for people with eating disorders. But for someone like me who is overweight, shouldn\u2019t it be altered to support healthy weight loss still? Or am I wrong?\n\nThe psychologist also said something about \u201cset weight\u201d and many factors can influence a weight range normal for each individual, and I might be in mine. But that sounds crazy to me. They want me to stay obese? I\u2019ve been obese my entire life, and I\u2019ve only started doing something about it last year. I\u2019ve been able to come off various meds and my blood tests were great (recent). I\u2019m not dying or anything from this \u201c eating disorder\u201d, so I also feel a bit dumb getting help. But at the same time I do want help to stop some of the behaviours I\u2019m doing and the obsessive food and calories stuff. \n\nBut basically, are they going about this the wrong way? Or am I wrong?\n\nAny insight helpful, especially from any medical professionals or people with experience in these areas.\n\nEdited to add: Thanks for all the comments, I do appreciate people taking them time to comment. Part of me knows you\u2019re all correct, just another part of me is struggling to accept this and finding it hard. I have an appointment at the place with the psychologist today, and an appointment with my GP in a few days, so I may voice my concerns so they\u2019re aware.", "answer": "Others have covered this well, but I want to reiterate: having a particular BMI, even if it is higher than recommended, is a potential long-term problem. That increases the likelihood of health problems eventually. Extreme caloric restriction and especially purging are acute problems. They can kill you now.\n\nIt makes sense that the first intervention is to try to manage your eating disorder, because without that everything else is like trying to manage high blood pressure while you are on fire. Your weight is not the right priority because it's not the high-risk, high-acuity problem you face. You say you're not dying or anything from this eating disorder; the problem is that you can start dying *very quickly.*\n\nIt makes sense to address your eating disorder first, and then potentially address healthy and sustainable weight loss later if necessary.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fcastk", "comment_id": "fj9vt4q"}, {"question": "Is it normal for an obese person exercising to experience chest pain or is something wrong with me?", "description": "24, male, 6'3, 405 pounds, and white. I went for a walk today and decided to some light jogging for at least 2 minutes. After I did this though I was out of breath in pain in my chest and top of my head. It has subsided since then but I am worried if there is something wrong with me or is this normal and expected for an obese person exercising", "answer": "No chest pain is normal. Youve basically given yourself an exercise tolerance test, and failed.\n\nGo see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fydhn", "comment_id": "dao0d9t"}, {"question": "Why are people so mean?", "description": "I made just one post on a subreddit about how I missed the old ways of a game I play. I was given comments of \"this is spam\", \"nobody cares\", and even people asking me why I'm so desperate for karma. I'm hurt by these people. Not even one person left anything nice to say, I even defended myself, so I hit them back, my post got removed for \"harrassment\". I see all these great people on reddit, with wonderful ideas, that even I have myself. Why is it when I try to contribute, that I'm the bad guy? Most importantly, how do I deal with rejection from the reddit community?", "answer": "Contribute more positive things. \n\nComplaining about things is easy, so a lot of people do it, but it rarely contributes anything good or useful. \n\nFor some reason, on the internet, there's a perception among some that if you genuinely enjoy something, it renders you vulnerable. That it's \"smarter\" or somehow better to hate on things because that elevates you above those things. Maybe it gives some insecure people a sense of control, I don't know. \n\nHeck, I wish I knew why there is so much negativity on the internet. I suspect it has to do with real-world frustrations boiling over and people are looking for an outlet. unfortunately many lack the perspective to realize that a year, a month, even a day from now their complaints will not matter; the only thing it did was make the internet a slightly more unpleasant place. \n\nPositive contributions on the other hand, those DO matter. Imagine holding a conversation with someone else who enjoys the things you enjoy, and you can talk about how much joy those things brought you - this brings even more joy into the world as you recall it. \n\nI'm sorry you got a negative reaction. Please don't stop bringing positive things to the conversation. The world sorely needs that.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8kg2y", "comment_id": "esoi2v8"}, {"question": "Why do I have a headache every day of my life?", "description": "Every day, without fail, I wake up with a headache and it\u2019s always in the same place - the base of my neck and skull. I should add that I also live with constant neck pain and the two are consistent with one another. No amount of Tylenol, Ibuprofen, or Excedrin helps to relieve the pain.  I am absolutely miserable.  \n\nI\u2019m a 22 year old female with no underlying health conditions. I recently had an x-ray done on my neck and everything looked normal. So if it\u2019s not bone related, what could it be? \n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Chronic daily headache is a diagnosis, and an unpleasant one to live with. You can talk to your primary care doctor about it. If he or she is stumped, neurology has headache specialists that may be able to help you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fsg3ml", "comment_id": "fm1ciew"}, {"question": "Can steroid nasal sprays make a cold go worse?", "description": "Hey everyone. Around two weeks ago I was diagnosed with hypertrophy of the nasal turbinates and I was sent to use a steroid nasal spray two times a day. About ten days ago I caught a cold and I not only can\u2019t get rid of it but it seems to be getting worse. I keep having more and more mucus, first it was first in my nose, now it has gone to my throat, which has started to hurt. I\u2019m blowing my nose all the time reaching the point my head hurts too. I don\u2019t have fever or anything, but I\u2019m having real hard time sleeping because I can\u2019t breath properly and my throat keeps itching, so daily routine has been a struggle. I even took a day off believing I maybe just needed to rest a bit \u2013 what did work when I had colds in the past \u2013 but I just keep getting worse.\n\nI usually catch colds at the season's change, but  it has never been this bad. It\u2019s showing no signs of leaving soon and i\u2019m wondering if maybe the nasal spray has something to do and if I should cut the treatment for some days or something? I think it\u2019s relevant to say I have no allergies of any kind. \n\nINFO: female, 24 y/o, caucasian, 53kg, 1.65cm, the pain\u2019s been going on for almost 10 days, in my face, throat and ears, meds: steroid nasal spray and birth control.", "answer": "I advice you to contact the prescriber of the spray and ask them. It is theoretically possible. But 19 days is a bit long for a cold and you have a lot of discomfort from it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bdd53z", "comment_id": "ekxjys7"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "In my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today I started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago I got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.\n\nAnywho, I took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and I still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. Is it safe to stay up, or should I try taking more? Thanks in advance", "answer": "It's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. The purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. It doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). Although it's a fine distinction, I would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. It helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. The effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "e6jv0lz"}, {"question": "Identity", "description": "I'm a 31 year old in the middle of an identity crisis. I'm confused whether to be the person other people (or person) want(s) me to be..the person I know I've always been, or something different..they are constantly colliding with one another and none of them make sense. Advice would be welcome..I am at a loss. ", "answer": "It's such a hard situation to be in.  I imagine you're afraid of losing some loved ones if you decide to be exactly who you are rather than what they want.  Sadly, you'll never be happy if you live your life trying to live up to others expectations and not being true to yourself.  I've worked with plenty in therapy on this subject.  Some were LGBT and in the closet, others wanted to give up their family's religion or go against cultural traditions, others just wanted to focus on their own goals rather than what their family's expectations of them were.  You can do it and start focusing on yourself.  Prepare for some resistance from your loved ones as they may try to make a big thing out of it in order to \"get you back\".  In the long run, the people that are worth having in your life (that you actually have a healthy relationship with) will stick around.  Others you may have to put some distance between you and them, whether you're family, whether you love them or not.  Being true to yourself will be the only way to live a happy life.  \n\nHope this helps.  Let me know if you have any follow up questions or can give any additional information.  \n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sbomt", "comment_id": "dlbqgq0"}, {"question": "[male, age:18] I am a shy, socially awkward nerd who finds it hard to make friends with girls. AMA or give me some advice please.", "description": "I couldn't find a good sub-Reddit so I came here. So here is me story ever since I was in elementary school i found it hard to make friends because I was constantly shunned by the other kids. So I spent my recesses by myself drawing or getting picked last in a game of soccer. I didn't have any good friends so I filled my life with nerdy stuff like comics, video games and star wars to help fill a void. Then came high school where I made friends with other guys who like stuff I like. I had a hard time making friends with girls that I could hang out with outside of school. There was this one cute brown haired girl in the school that I knew had a big crush on me and I had a huge crush on her as well, but because I was to nervous to talk to her I never made the move. When prom came around I heard from other students no one wanted to take her to the prom and she went alone. I wanted to ask her out to prom but never had the guts and I didn't even go to prom either.\n\nI felt bad and now almost a year after high school I still have shitty social skills and I would like to start dating someone but I feel like I am not good enough. My life is boring I sit around at home listen to rock and roll play video games, draw and go to metal concerts. I often ask myself \"what girl is going to like you? \" I need some help with my tactics on how to meet girls. Sorry about my grammar I'm bad with words.", "answer": "I mean, there's two separate issues.\n\nThere's the part where you don't have good social skills. That's relatively easy -- just study and practice, and you'll get better. This subreddit is a great place to start, as is [Improve Your Social Skills](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com) or this [online social skills group](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/online-social-skills-training-group).\n\nThe second part is harder though. That's the part where you don't feel \"good enough.\" Even if you become AWESOME at social skills, if you still don't feel good about yourself, you will continue to struggle. Fortunately, there's hope for that. I strongly encourage you to seek out a counselor and talk about some of the struggles that you are having. A counselor would help you understand and accept yourself better, and will also give you guidance for getting better at social skills.\n\nSo tl;dr: Read up on social skills, and practice what you learn. In addition, see a counselor and talk through some of your feelings, so you can accept yourself better.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "18jdoe", "comment_id": "c8fcl2x"}, {"question": "May I be infected of Tuberculosis?", "description": "Long story short: I met a girl online, we meet and we liked each other. We were really close all night, but no contact a part from cordial kisses on hello and goodbye. She agreed on going to my place but when we were leaving the bar (which casually was full of friends of mine, it's like our bar, and she talked closely to some guys and girls from my circle) she told me about her mother having tuberculosis, being on the hospital since september. Then she told me she and her sister were on preventive treatment. EDIT: Both, her sister and her are infected too, (I mean, TB is inside them but is not showing symptoms) I understood treatment is to prevent it to get bigger.\n\n​\n\nWith my Ninja google skills I did a quick search. Damn, TB is air transmited. I entered on panic mode, DEFCON 1, my friends and I were on danger. Luckily a friend called me and I said her it was an emergency we should postpone our bed time.\n\n​\n\nShould I check myself? Should my friends check themselves?\n\n​\n\nI mean, I know I'm a bit paranoid right now, TB is now kinda on control and may never present symtoms, but I don't want inside me something that can put in danger those I love.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nExcuse me if I've been non-respectful with something. I'm just kinda afraid.", "answer": "Seems like you're probably more worried than you need to be. Her mother is the one infected, not her, and she is on some kind of medication to prevent or treat it anyway and likely has been for a month. The chances of infection aren't knowable, but since she said nothing about being infected, and the infection is likely suppressed by antibiotics if she were, I don't think you were at risk.\n\nIf you will be worried you can get a test done in a couple of months, but even if it comes back positive I would be inclined to suspect chance contact on the street rather than someone who is likely getting close attention from doctors for TB exposure already.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rz7vz", "comment_id": "e8kuek4"}, {"question": "[24/M] My good friend and coworker [28/F] is in a long-term relationship, but told me she has feelings for me", "description": "A couple months ago my good friend and coworker admitted to me that she has feelings for me. She's been dating her boyfriend for several years, who I'm also good friends with. We've known each other for about 2 years.\n\nWhile I knew I had felt similar feelings over the course of our friendship, I never gave them much thought because she always seemed happy in her relationship. She still does. However, after she told me, my feelings intensified immensely. We've talked about this, but she's made it clear that nothing can happen, despite our mutual connection. And I would never do anything to jeopardize her relationship.\n\nI tried keeping my distance for a few weeks, but this simply made me miserable. It's also pretty difficult to accomplish because we see each other everyday at work. And when I'm with her, I'm constantly reminded of why I feel so strongly for her and why I can't be with her, which sends me spiraling into a self-pitying depression. On top of all that, I regularly feel guilty because I'm close with her boyfriend.\n\nI don't know how to maintain our friendship, work with her, and move on at the same time. Any advice on what to do?", "answer": "Her: \"Let me tell you about this thing that could happen that I won't let happen. Isn't it meaningful??\"\n\nStay away, duder. She doesn't know what she's doing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lye3l", "comment_id": "djxjspz"}, {"question": "I'm drinking and feeling impulsive", "description": "I'm lonely. I had a super lonely birthday filled with hating myself and crying for hours. I'm so tempted to meet up with my sociopath friend and suck his dick for a distraction/for validation/to not be alone. My housemate/very innocent ex who helps me survive would be very hurt by my actions.  I don't know what to do. My friend has been sending me very suggestive messages and I feel so tempted because I hate myself so much and can't stand being alone.. ", "answer": "Masturbate? Self sooth in other ways. Treat yo self, dont treat someone else ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7s8z6v", "comment_id": "dt31aom"}, {"question": "Help blurry vision after ovarian drilling? Normal or not?", "description": "My vision is weirdly terrible today I had ovarian drilling Thursday, is this normal? I am only taking Ibproffun and tylenol", "answer": "Definitely ask your doctor about this. I don't think it is normal.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3vkls8", "comment_id": "cxoiot9"}, {"question": "Can I get water intoxication from drinking beer?", "description": "One of my buddies and I run a YouTube channel and he came up with this idea of drinking 24 beers (8 L), as fast as possible. Obviously it is a horrible idea and would result in excessive projectile vometing, but is it safe?\n\nMy main concern is water intoxication. I have seen people hit pretty hard from it during practice and such, and as far as I know it can even be lethal. But in all those cases, the people getting it was pushing their bodies to the limit while drinking huge amounts of water. \n\nCan you only get water intoxication from drinking pure water without any form of additives, or do you get it from drinking to much liquid in any form? \n\nIf my physical form means anything for the outcome, I am 192cm / 6ft 3\", 80kg / 176 lbs and in pretty good shape. I do not take any kind of medication or drugs. ", "answer": "Your concern is water intoxication?\n\nHow about severe alcohol intoxication leading to profound medical harm?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "573i2j", "comment_id": "d8p7fr7"}, {"question": "Do therapists \"have it together\"?", "description": "*this is a light question*\n\nLOL, therapists are mysterious people. I don't really know anything about mine, except what I can infer about them from our sessions.\n\n...\n\nMy problem is that I never really think I \"have it together\".\n\nIn our sessions, I always complain about not \"having it together\". My therapist uses the CBT model and helps me build and maintain a routine so I feel like I am more on top of things, though I've never actually felt truly on top of *everything*.\n\n...\n\nSo I'm wondering if \"having it together\" all the time ... is even possible. Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nSince therapists help most of their clients \"get it together\", I kind of assume they know how to regulate their mood and be on top of things and keep things together in their own lives. If anyone feels like they're on top of things, it must be the therapist!\n\nSo that's the question:\n\n* Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n* Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n* Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\n*otherwise, I feel silly going in every week and telling my therapist how I don't feel like I am on top of everything lol*", "answer": "I think that many people drawn to the mental healthcare field have some personal experience with mental health. As a therapist, I have known other therapists who have active addictions or problematic personality issues and definitely do not have it together. I don't know what they are like as therapists and how that affects their patients directly. \nAs for myself I certainly have days where I feel tired and could use a vacation, and don't really think of myself in terms of \"on top of things\" or not... but overall I do feel like I have good relationships, am in touch with my emotions, and I am content overall.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geqkb3", "comment_id": "fppoe10"}, {"question": "I think something is wrong with my mind", "description": " My personal info: \n\n* Age: 18\n* Sex: Male\n* Height: 5'6.5\"\n* Weight: 140 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 3 months\n* Location (Geographic and on body): SC, Mind/Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any): None\n\n​\n\nI've been recently having trouble with my mind; when i am typing or verbally spelling a word i can perfectly recall in my mind how to spell it, but when verbally spelling or (non verbally) typing out the word i will either misspell the word or spell another word entirely without fail.\n\nI have also recently developed a problem with my attention: any small distraction will drag my attention away from what i'm doing and lead me down a rabbit hole of distraction till i can reign in my mind again some odd 15 minutes or longer after. \n\nI had a mental exam done on myself to check if i have any pertinent conditions and the only thing that of importance that was brought up by the lady who tested me was that my Mental Recall is above average on all tests. So i don't understand why this is happening.\n\nWhat's wrong with my head?", "answer": "Can you tell me more about the circumstances under which the problem started? Any stress at school/work/home? Any traumatic events in your history? Family history of epilepsy or psychiatric problems?\n\nEver been tested for ADHD/Autism? Prone to anxiety or phobias? How do you feel during the 15 minutes, any sweating, tingling, pounding heart etc?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b70tgw", "comment_id": "ejoufa4"}, {"question": "10 year old son prescribed Trileptal,never had a seizure?", "description": "MY son has \"ADHD\" (who doesn't anymore?) and so has been given two separate medications (first one, then another) to try and improve his attention in school. Since trying both, he has actually fared worse in school, and so I have told his doctor I do not wish to continue giving them to him. PArt of the reason for this is looking into these two medications: Trileptal and Wellbutrin. From what I can gather looking up the uses of these medications, they are used, respectively, for treatment of seizures (my son has never had one, nor been diagnosed with a condition that would cause one) and depression (My son has never been diagnosed with depression either) My question is why either of these might have been prescribed for the treatment of ADHD? It seems strange to me that these would be given, and has given me doubts about taking the advice of doctors at face. Can anyone please explain what may be going on here?", "answer": "They're not bad choices, but it would be interesting to know why the the usual ones (Ritalin etc) werent considered.\n\nRemember that any medication may have multiple uses.\n\nADHD has surprisingly high prevalence rates, though its difficult to say whether its overtreated in North America or undertreated in Europe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54j1c2", "comment_id": "d82estt"}, {"question": "I (19M) need help with my girlfriend(18F)", "description": "She has pretty bad anxiety and has never coped well with it. She used to cut for a short time, tried things like plucking hairs out and some other stuff I can't remember right now. Point is, no good stuff. All of this was before we started dating, now she's making herself throw up. It was pretty bad(at least once a day, usually twice) but since I've found out she's been able to suppress it to about once a week unless something really triggers her anxiety and I'm not there to help take her mind off it(example, she's had company over for the past 2 days and I haven't really been able to see her and she threw up twice yesterday and once tonight) but prior to that it had been about a week and a half since she had done it last(we had a fight). So, I guess I'm here to ask if anyone knows what to do, if someone else has been in the same situation(mine or my girlfriend's), or just what helps you guys cope with severe anxiety. Please help if you can, it's killing me to see her hurt herself like this.\n\nTl;dr Girlfriend has severe anxiety and is making herself throw up which apparently helps. What can I do to help/what can I do?\n\nAlso if this doesn't belong in this subreddit, where does it? I also posted it on Anxiety.", "answer": "find her a great therapist.  psychologytoday.com has a directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aihmz", "comment_id": "dhf5twp"}, {"question": "Girlfriend encourages me to get dog. Put her off for 2 years. Decide it's time. Get Dog. She hates dog, wants to rehome her.", "description": "So for the past 2 years, my girlfriend of 3 years has wanted a dog. I kind of wanted one too, but knew it was a big responsibility and said it wasn't the right time; we both have full time jobs, full time lives, etc. She'd bring it up once a month though, without fail, often weekly, sometimes daily. She'd spend her time researching dogs, or find some puppies in our area, or she say it's time to talk about it again, we could change this, we could do that, etc.\n\nAbout a month ago, our best friends (her best friend is engaged to my best friend) got a dog, and we figured it was a good time for us too, she could drop her hours and I can work Flexi-time hours now. So we take the plunge. Viewed some pups.\n\nBreeders were great, mother was great, pup came up to us, really took a shine to us, we fell in love. \n\nOr at least I did. Five days later my girlfriend tells me she's not enjoying it. She doesn't know why, it's harder than she thought it would be and she hates herself for not enjoying it.\n\nI tell her it's just temporary, to stay positive. We're on day 8 now, and she says she can't do it any more, that we should rehome her. I don't know what to do. This poor little dog is amazing. So well behaved, we've been so lucky. I've already taught her how to sit, stay and she follows me round everywhere. If we were forced to give her away it would break my heart, and I feel like I wouldn't be able to not blame my girlfriend. I feel like she's not tried, that she has been extremely irresponsible, and honesty, it's made me worry for the future. I saw this woman as the person I'd marry and have children with. Our puppy factored into this future, she was supposed to grow up with our kids, whenever that happened. And now she's ripped it away, when she was the one to suggest it. I'm really upset and angry at her. She asked me if I'd still be with her if we gave the dog away, and I said \"I don't know\". She pressed me for an answer and I said \"right now, no.\". We fell out and she's stormed out the house.\n\nI just want to do what's right for the puppy, and need advice really. I can't talk to any of her mates, as they're her mates too, and she doesn't want to tell them yet. I can't talk to my family, as I don't want them to have a negative opinion of her if she changes her mind. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I was supposed to see my friends earlier but I've stayed at home as I know they're gonna ask me how it's going with the dog and I'm gonna have to lie to them.\n\nShe says what are we going to tell people, and I think the only way forward is to end the relationship, lose my girlfriend and lose my dog in one swoop. I can't look after her on my own, it's not fair on her. We've been so strong, I wasn't expecting this at all. We wouldn't have gotten a dog if we were on the rocks. I was going to propose within a year or so. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated.", "answer": "Giving the dog up or breaking up with the GF seems a bit much. This may be harsh, but I'm reading this feeling like you didn't plan well, and at the first sign of trouble you're both willing to bolt. Have some tenacity, man. You two will go through tougher things than this, and you can't just be bolting every time there's a bump.\n\nHonestly it seems like you two didn't plan this out terribly well beyond visiting some breeders. There's a huge difference in raising a puppy if you have extras like a fenced yard, the ability to pop home quick, flexibility at work, and so on. Sure, a dog can be raised in a lot of environments, but these things can make a huge difference in how difficult it feels. Sadly, many can't be changed now. You probably should have gotten an adult dog, who would be lower-maintenance, but it's too late for that as well.\n\nI'm sure there are things you can try. Get a dog walker just once or twice a week to help. Bribe some friends to stop by once a week to let pupper out. If the dog is having troubles (peeing indoors, chewing, whatever), look up solutions. I\"m not clear on what's annoying your GF to begin with.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4qmnlu", "comment_id": "d4u7mki"}, {"question": "Therapist warning me against medications", "description": "Basically what the title says. She thinks that it can be cured through physical activity and exercise, which I won't deny, but it's too hard, given my memories of being bullied in sports. She warned me of side effects, and that it might change my behaviour. She said that there are some side effects of medication which I should expect. She also mentioned that one of her earlier patients couldn't function without medication. If he didn't have his medication around he'd feel anxious.\n\nWhat was your experience with meds?", "answer": "Exercise is great, and really helps, but medication can help too.   I\u2019ve found medication to be helpful.    Sometime these illnesses have to be treated that way because certain interventions can only do so much.  I\u2019ve taken meds for years and they\u2019ve really helped.  Just make sure you consult with a psychiatrist and find something that works for you.   Educate yourself about medication so you have a good understanding of it.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9yhr54", "comment_id": "ea1e9ye"}, {"question": "I want to become a surgeon, but can I?", "description": "I'm a senior in high school (17) with a 3.2 GPA and 23 ACT. I really want to become a surgeon of some sort but I'm not sure if I have what it takes. I'm very determined but I currently know almost nothing in the field. Is it already to late?\n\n[Solved] I will still look at any further advice people have to give. I think I mostly know where to go from here so thanks for all of the help!", "answer": "You don't need to know much to be a surgeon ;)\n\nOnly joking! Look, if people knew what they wanted to do and how to do it, we wouldn't need universities in the first place. If you want to be a medical doctor, then persue it, and work out what you wish to specialise in as you go along. Medicine is extremely varied and each specialty needs very different characteristics, so you might find that its surgery or something completely different that becomes your vocation.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5f6g78", "comment_id": "daht9o2"}, {"question": "I'm [19/f] am head over heels for this guy [20/m] who is sending mixed signals. Other opinions please?", "description": "I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months. We originally matched on Tinder back in November, followed each other on Instagram, and did not really talk any more after that, until he randomly messaged me asking for my Snapchat username and asked if I wanted to hang out/have a photoshoot (he models) that weekend, and I never followed up until afterwards, and claimed to be too busy two times after. He is extremely attractive and I felt out of my league, so I did not feel comfortable initially, and we continued to talk and I came to realize how much we have in common. He seemed genuinely interested in me and even made me a mixtape, and I eventually caved into his request to hanging out with he and his friends. He said we could meet prior to going with his friends because he knows I have anxiety (something I did not recall disclosing to him) which I thought was very sweet. He lives in another city for school, and visits my city every weekend.\nHe asked to get lunch, I took forever to respond because I was incredibly nervous getting ready, and he waited patiently and didn't eat despite him being \"starving.\" I picked him up (he doesn't have a car), and we got takeout and went to my place. I was not sure if it was a date because we split the check, although he chose to get two dishes and split them, however he made sure they were vegan for me. We hung out at my place for a bit and he seemed very curious about me, asking many questions and hanging out. He and his best friend partake in hosting an event at a local church, which is where he took me. He shares the same religious and political views I do, which is something rare to come across where we live. He introduced me to everyone as his friends, which is fair of course, but it made me uncertain as to whether or not it was a date. Afterwards, we went to his best friend's house with his girlfriend and hung out with his friend's parents. We watched movies and eventually we ended up cuddling, and his friend kept implying that we had a thing in a sense. After his friend and his girlfriend went to sleep, we decided to take a drive, and we went in the back seat and just cuddled, listened to music, and we had deep talks until 4am, so we decided to just go back to my place. He slept over, we cuddled all night, but he put off kissing me until the next morning. He hung out for about 2 hours, then his friend picked him up, he sent a follow-up text saying it was great meeting me, then later he called me asking if he could spend the night so his friend wouldn't have to drive him the next morning to the bus, which I agreed to.\nAfter that weekend, he started acting more \"hard to get,\" in the same sense I did before. That Thursday, he texted me that his friend was coming to my city in the next 10 minutes and he asked if I wanted to hang out, and I told him I was hanging out with my friends and invited him, to which he agreed. He met them and was very kind and personable, and he spent the night again, and we began to become intimate, although I abstained from oral, which he wanted to perform on me, and he was polite about it. \nThe next morning we were making out for a few hours, I lost track of time, and I nearly missed an appointment I had, and while I was rushing, he offered to come with me, park my car during my appointment to avoid me having to worry about finding parking, rather than leaving. He paid for my car parking, and after my appointment he wanted to get coffee and go to a breakfast place I had mentioned (split bill again.) When we went back to my place, I asked what he wanted to do, and he offered two options, both involving meeting with friends and bringing me. We ended up back at his best friends, it went very well again, and he slept over. When I took him to the bus the next morning, he wanted to grab a coffee, so he just ran in while I was in the car and he came back with one for me the way I like it, which I never had in front of him.\nHe was sad he was unable to come up two weekends ago with finals, so he wanted me to pick him up when we both finished that Wednesday, and if I were to come he'd drive us back. So we did, and he slept over again. The next morning, we had sex the first time, though it was not forced, he has never begged. We slept in and his best friend had called him saying he was picking him up, so we finished after his friend had even got there, so he had to rush out afterwards, for which he apologized. That night he invited me to come over to his friends again, though they were all drunk, but I know we would not hook up if I were to have gone. The next day he invited me over there again, and we hung out with his friend's parents again, and I think they think I'm \"a very nice girl.\" They even visited my home town and my family's business this week, and his best friend, along with his best friend's brother and father, followed me on Instagram and invited me to their family's Easter. He is very attentive to what I have to say when we are hanging out with his friends and is affectionate towards me in front of them. We went back to his place, watched movies, told stories, and ended up having sex for 3 hours until I had to take him to the airport. I took him to coffee again, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied no, but he came back with my favorite pastry I mentioned the night before. He kissed me goodbye, and ever since he went to his family's we have had minimal contact. The most we have talked was today, which was mostly just about sex and how we are going to when he gets back. He has since updated his Tinder bio, removing the part saying that he is only looking for friends, which concerns me. He has not ever told me he likes me, and I feel as though I am getting clearer signals from his best friend and his family than I am from him, although I know his friend's family is friends with my guy's family, which is a good sign. While I know it is very early, I am concerned as to why we have such minimal contact and why he is still on Tinder after having been intimate and now that I am \"in\" with his \"clique.\" I know this sounds like the most millennial relationship scenario, for which I apologize, it is just a very complicated era for relationships. I have never felt this way towards anyone so soon, I truly feel as though he could be the one, I have never had so much in common and all the same goals in life with another person. Lastly, if it is your thing, he is a Scorpio and I am a Cancer.", "answer": "The best way to clarify mixed signals is to be very direct. Ask him what he feels and what he wants.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62dl90", "comment_id": "dflp58w"}, {"question": "Drug interaction", "description": "Hello,\nI have a question regarding a anxiety combo. I am prescribed 10mg/day Adderall IR. I have anxious feelings while taking it. A fellow student of mine suggested taking 10mg/day propranolol to diminish the symptoms. Would there be any concern for hypertensive crisis with the low therapeutic dose? \nAge:26\nMale\n5'11\"\n193\nWhite\nNo previous medical problems\n\n", "answer": "No. Propranolol is a beta blocker and would reduce blood pressure. You may be thinkking of the concern for unopposed alpha\\-adrenergic stimulation when giving beta blockers to someone taking cocaine, but cocaine works through different mechanisms than amphetamine.\n\nI hope you intend to talk to your doctor instead of just taking someone else's propranolol, though. Extra meds are something important for the doctor to know for safety  and anxiety is something that he or she would be better able to help you with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8milqs", "comment_id": "dznve17"}, {"question": "I've tried Effexor, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin with zero effect. Help.", "description": "I've taken each for at least 3 weeks with zero effect. The doc said I should feel something within 2 weeks. I feel like I'm beyond help at this point. I'm worried that I'll never be happy and I'm failing my wife and kids.\n\nHas anyone experience this? Is 2 weeks too short? I'm about to stop my wellbutrin - should I keep going? Feeling really stuck.", "answer": "2 weeks is too short to declare the medication ineffective. It can take up to 6-8 weeks to have any noticeable positive effect. But even if none of those medications work for you, there are SO many more. There are several other SSRIs (the class of medication that Effexor and Lexapro belong to). There are tetracyclics, tricyclics, and MAOIs--these are all types of antidepressants. And of course there's therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3uq89n", "comment_id": "cxh10mv"}, {"question": "Update from 2 years ago.", "description": "Currently 26 year-old female. \n\n2 years ago I posted in this group and some nice people responded. If anyone cares for an update!\n\nAfter my post I ended up going to the hospital where they admitted me as I went into septic shock. I was hospitalized for weeks. My lung had collapsed and I was on oxygen. After spending 10 months in and out of doctors offices I was diagnosed with lupus. For two years I have been bedridden. I was suppose to start law school that fall that I was diagnosed. I went from working 80 hours a week to not being able to sit up without pain. \n\nRight before this virus I was finally working again (only part time unfortunately), feeling a bit better, getting stronger, being able to exercise more etc. \nI hope I get through the next few months virus free so I can keep trying to get my life back. \n\nThanks so much for your help docs!", "answer": "Thank you for the update. As is always the case with medical updates, I'll lock it. Good luck to you in your recovery!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frmu50", "comment_id": "flx6ugm"}, {"question": "I can't seem to find a \"self help\" workbook", "description": "There aren't many out there and the ones I'm finding have less than desirable reviews. I'm frustrated and trying to get better and I'm hoping someone out there might have a good recommendation? ", "answer": "I like Calming the Emotional Storm.  \n It's DBT lite with very accessible and simple methods. It's not everything but it's a good one to read multiple times. I think other programs like Seeking Safety and rape recovery manuals do a great job of getting the emotional intensity and desperation accurate. \n\nCalming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608820874/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_5jMVxbK9QPJ8N\n\n", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4zfzh7", "comment_id": "d6vma7k"}, {"question": "Is there any truth to \"face your fears\" or is that just a trope?", "description": "Specifically, is recovery or remission possible if one consciously and deliberately exposes themselves to their triggers or confronts their avoidance behaviors? ", "answer": "There are a number of evidence based therapies for PTSD.  Prolonged Exposure uses the face your fears method.  It works pretty well except many can't or won't tolerate it.  There is also Cognitive Processing Therapy which has two variations one with some exposure plus cognitive restructuring (learning new ways to think about your thinking) and the other with just the restructuring.  Both work pretty well.  I saw a journal article recently discussing how Interpersonal Therapy, which has no exposure component and mostly deals with relationships was just as effective a treatment as PE.  So it seems that there are a few paths that are helpful at least and not all include facing fears directly but some do.  Best to work with a qualified specialist therapist as none of these are standard therapies an average therapist can offer.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2zejry", "comment_id": "cpijkys"}, {"question": "Trying to figure out what I'm looking at in a chest MRI", "description": "Hello,\n\nI'm 26/F, 138lbs and recently had an MRI done of my brain, cervical and thoracic spine after seeing my neurologist for tingling in my back and recurring headaches that last for days. I received the disc of the images and went to review them briefly before my appointment. I noticed a spot in my lungs on my thorax view that has me concerned, but I'm hoping I might get an opinion before I see my doctor again. I'd like to walk in prepared. \nI'm a current smoker of nearly 10 years and daily take Dexedrine 60mg spaced and Bupropion 150mg. Anything helps. Thanks!\n\nLung MRI https://imgur.com/gallery/I1CD7\n", "answer": "I am not a radiologist, and I haven't spent a much time looking at MRIs recently. There's a lot of artifact there\u2014that kind of zebra pattern around the edges\u2014and the lungs themselves look smudgy rather than sharp all over.\n\nThat might be a sequence I'm even less used to than most, or it might be a low-quality study for some reason. Either way, nothing jumps out as abnormal to me, keeping in mind that thoracic MRI is definitely not my area of expertise. But your doctor (or the radiologist) knows a lot more, and they have more than just one slice to look at. Bring up your concerns, but I wouldn't worry too much about it beforehand.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "890qmb", "comment_id": "dwotm3v"}, {"question": "Metformin and HSG test", "description": "I take metformin twice a day and am scheduled to have an hsg test on Wednesday. I know that you are not supposed to take Metformin before having the test because it interferes with the dye. I asked my doctor if I should stop the metformin before the test and he said no. This sounds really weird to me. I have no issues with kidneys and no pass reactions with dyes. What are your experiences with this? Should I call doctor again?", "answer": "are you talking about a hysterosalpingogram? I'm not a doctor but I did look at uptodate (a resource docs often use) and it doesn't say anything about needing to stop metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3t01bh", "comment_id": "cx2ujja"}, {"question": "Suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. Please help!", "description": "Age: 18\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\u20192\nWeight: 100lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: A few months\nLocation: Around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when I had an ileostomy as an infant\nExisting medical issues: Crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above)\nCurrent medications: Effexor 150 mg daily.\n\nI\u2019d just like to add that I\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. I think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. No one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. No one wants to operate on me and I\u2019m at a loss. One doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. We just want an answer so I can have my quality of life back. Can you suggest what it could be or what I can do? I\u2019m lost, and I can\u2019t live like this forever.\n\nThank you, \n            Sydney Toscano \n\n\n", "answer": "Adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. If you have Crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. What did he/she say?\n\nI would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. All too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "egcqo4g"}, {"question": "I lost an incredible chance for a better future because my abusive parent threatened to make me homeless", "description": "I'm the child of a narcissistic single mother. I have dealt with a lot of hardships throughout my life because of her. She yells frequently. She is irrational. She literally thinks that I was born to serve her.\n\nShe once made me homeless because I turned on the air conditioning in the summer heat when she didn't want it on. But I'm not here to talk about that.\n\nI am now 26 years old and I finally graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science this past January. Programming is my passion. My grades are great, but it took a little longer than usual to get my degree, largely due to my circumstances.\n\nSince I graduated, I was forced to move out of my dorm and back in with my mother. I have been applying to jobs, and trying to escape. It hasn't been easy to get to the final round interviews.\n\nA top tier company (think google-level competitive) gave me an opportunity for a final interview. I was suppose to catch the flight today for that interview. However, I made the mistake of telling my mother about it, and she objected. She said I would not be allowed back in the house if I went for that interview. Her reasoning was, I could catch the coronavirus from traveling, and if I returned home I would infect her. Part of me thinks she did this to prevent me from becoming independent. Being homeless is absolutely hell and I can't do that again, so I gave up a once in a life time opportunity.\n\nI have to write an email to HR saying why I couldn't make the interview. I don't know what to do.", "answer": "Take a deep breath. You need to explain to HR that you had to miss your flight. Be honest, but leave out the personal details. I would just say that you had a family emergency, you are fine, but you either a) may have to reschedule and catch a different flight, or b) will not be able to fly out, and ask for a phone or video-call interview. If you are able to call them instead of emailing, that may be preferable as it is more urgent and time-sensitive.\n\nThen, evaluate your options. Would you be able to stay in a motel/hotel/airbnb for a few days while you interview? Are you prepared to find an apartment or other living situation close to the job you're interviewing for, on relatively short notice?\n\nRegardless, do not let this opportunity slip by. If the interview goes well, you may be able to get the company to assist you in finding an apartment if you explain that your family emergency is threatening your living situation.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fb0hr9", "comment_id": "fj1nbp7"}, {"question": "Sexually unfulfilled, feeling trapped. Considering divorce.", "description": "Throw away account. I\u2019m a 31, female, and I\u2019ve been married to my husband for four years. We\u2019ve been together for 8 years. No kids; own a condo. I\u2019m in a pickle and I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m considering divorce because I feel I\u2019ve hit a wall. \n\nI care about my husband a great deal. He\u2019s a good person and he\u2019s smart and funny. He cares about me and is invested in the marriage. The problem for me is my attraction to him and our sex life. The sex has always been a problem. He\u2019s obese and has always been overweight. I\u2019m not. It is uncomfortable for me and I bleed. I am not turned on by him or excited to be intimate. In fact, I avoid it. I dread it. I've cried during it.\n\nLeading up to our engagement he had been a regular at the gym for many months, had reduced his beer consumption a great deal and he was cultivating healthier habits. He was losing a lot of weight and looked great. I told him I was proud of him and encouraged him with positive feedback. After our engagement, he stopped going to the gym and has gained back all (if not more of) the weight. He has fallen into his old habits: drinking a lot and poor portion control. I\u2019ve encouraged him to change these habits. Thankfully, he did quit smoking cigarettes--for which I had encouraged him and praised him for--but he smokes weed almost on a daily basis. I\u2019ve tried to encourage him to get back to the gym (go with me, I\u2019ll say), I\u2019ve encouraged him to cut back on the beer consumption and to watch his calorie intake. No dice. He constantly has the intention of losing weight, but doesn\u2019t do anything about it. I told him it\u2019s not about being skinny, it\u2019s about being healthy. It\u2019s gotten to the point, I feel, where my \u201cencouragement\u201d has turned to nagging.\n\nOwning a house, I felt it was important to have life insurance. I was approved for life insurance and he was not approved because of his weight. At that point, I basically forced his hand and said that he needed to see a nutritionist. I feel resentful. He led me to think, leading up to being engaged, that he was on track with his life and making good, healthy choices about his weight only to stop and return to old habits. He saw a nutritionist for a few months and now, he has stopped going. He still doesn\u2019t have life insurance. This makes me feel that I\u2019m financially fucked if he has a heart attack, aneurysm, or stroke and dies. He\u2019s covered financially if I die. I\u2019m not. \n\nNo, he\u2019s not depressed or dealing with mental illness. He has been overweight his entire life. I\u2019ve come to think he\u2019s happy with being overweight. He\u2019s said, \u201cAll the skinny people in my family are assholes.\u201d Part of his identity, he\u2019s said, is being a \u201cfluffy guy\u201d. I mean, if he\u2019s happy about being that way, then I really shouldn\u2019t encourage him to change himself...I guess?\n\nBack to the sex part. He\u2019s never gotten me off with oral (I\u2019ve never gotten off from it--by anyone). He\u2019s not very skilled when it comes to sex. Hell, maybe I\u2019m not either. We both never really slept around very much in our college days, but I have no problem pleasing him sexually (he says as much. In fact, he loves having sex with me). Sex with him is painful and, frankly, boring. I am able to get myself to climax through masturbation with no problem at all. It\u2019s gotten to the point where I\u2019ll just masturbate and not even want him to participate because it\u2019s just easier for me to do it myself. I\u2019ve tried communicating to him about what I like, to no avail. I thought I was asexual during the years we dated because I just wasn\u2019t interested in having sex. Now that I\u2019m 31, I\u2019m realizing I just never had *good* sex so I was never able to really explore and figure myself out. To top this all off, I\u2019ve come to realize that I\u2019d like to have sex with women. I\u2019m not gay, but I believe sexuality is on a spectrum and it\u2019s a desire I have, but he is not comfortable with me doing that. I\u2019m feeling resentful because he says he\u2019s sexually satisfied. He climaxes just about every single time we\u2019re intimate. I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t even climax half the time. It got to the point where, several years ago, I suggested we see a sex therapist--or some kind of professional to help us out. He refused and said they would only tell us to have sex on a more frequent basis. Only this past winter did he finally agree when I was at my wit\u2019s end and had nagged him enough about it that he felt our marriage was enough on the rocks and he finally agreed to go.\n\nThe counseling isn\u2019t helping our sex life. My husband says that I need to change my attitude and that we just need to keep communicating and working on it. I\u2019m tired. I feel having been a nag about so many things, and his unwillingness (or lack of desire) to work on his health, has impacted my attraction to him. I don\u2019t like to nag, I don\u2019t like being that person. I suggested opening up the marriage and he doesn\u2019t want to do that. He just says we need to keep working on things. Keep working on things means that I am continuing to be sexually unfulfilled while he is sexually fulfilled. \n\nI feel the way I have come to view him is that of a friend. I care about him, but I don\u2019t have the desire to be intimate with him. And isn\u2019t that the only line that distinguishes a friend from a lover: someone you want to fuck vs. not?  I don\u2019t want to hurt him, but I feel trapped. And if you don\u2019t want to fuck your spouse, then what the hell are you doing? \n\nTL;DR--been married for 4 years, together for 8. Not attracted to obese husband. No sex life, sexually unfulfilled despite several routes taken including counseling. Considering divorce. \n\nThank you for any thoughts you might have.\n\nEdit: Can someone explain why this was downvoted to zero points? Am I missing something? I'm obviously not here to collect karma points, but to get thoughts and suggestions from others, but I'm just confused. Is this not the right sub for this question/situation...or what?", "answer": "Sounds like you've thought it through and come to a reasonable conclusion. He's not going to change.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vsdv2", "comment_id": "dm2p7th"}, {"question": "Haven't left the house in 2 years.", "description": "Highschool - great student, bright future \n\nCollege - had a little too much fun, did weed, lost all interest in studying and thought doing a 9-5 job was for sad people, eventually dropped out. Wasted a lot of money\n\nMoved back home, got really depressed when reality hit. Have been ever since. Can't face anyone. Haven't talked to any of my friends. Parents have tried to get me out of the house but I threaten them with suicide. And it's not an empty threat, I really would commit suicide than face anyone. \n\nMy mom loves me so much and it kills me to have been a disappointment. And she still loves me. Which makes me even more of a disappointment. And she still fucking loves me. I just can't understand how could someone love someone so much even though they've been nothing but a disappointment to them. They had really high hopes from me and I've absolutely killed all of them. \n\nI've never been a hard worker. I don't do well in competition. I'd much rather help the other person win. But winners probably don't need help from losers. In my current situation I am completely useless. All I do is be a big disappointment. Along with me I'm even making my mom depressed. She's too nice to show it. I try to keep my room closed so that they don't have to look at me. They keep knocking but I don't answer. I have no answers. \"how are you?\" \"have you given more thought about fucking doing something with your fucking life you miserable piece of burden shit!?\" They're usually politer but I still have no answers.\n\nI tried to hang a couple times but couldn't go through with it. I can't even bear the minor discomfort for 2 minutes. But one of these days..\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Your depression contains a really large amount of shame and self loathing.  It seems clear that you'd benefit from psychotherapy and/or medication.   If you won't leave the house, you might consider teletherapy?  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ogbxq", "comment_id": "cvxtber"}, {"question": "New job, advice from MH workers?", "description": "*first post* I just got a new job as a Support Worker for the mentally ill. I've done support work before but with youth and this is going to be extremely different. Can anyone give me a little heads up on what is expected? I have some idea but I was rushed into it and not too sure what is expected from me. I start my induction tomorrow, what am I too expect? Thank you. ", "answer": "What type of facility will you be working at? What population?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4r1uaj", "comment_id": "d4xllt3"}, {"question": "Friend-zoned after 6 years", "description": "I've dated the same girl for six years. We were both each others first and ive always envisioned spending the rest of my life with this girl. A few months ago she told me that shes feeling more like a friend to me. She suggested we should go on a break. I resisted and told her we should try and work it out. About a week ago she said she was still feeling the same so i agreed to the break. \nShe told me that she doesnt want to feel this way and she always sees us together, and  believe her. The break is only for a week and we say goodnight everynight. \nFirst, has this type of break ever worked for you? And second, is there something i should be doing to help this work?", "answer": "Having been on the other side of your situation, I agree with the other comments: this is a break up. Your best bet is to insist on a total ban on communication--it will either result in her realizing what she's giving up or it will ensure you get a head start on healing. Don't torture yourself by trying to be friends (not right away). It DOES NOT WORK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "o4ivd", "comment_id": "c3eb5bp"}, {"question": "My wife hates me and I feel like I should just do everyone a favor and just dissapear.", "description": "I have a beautiful little girl with this women. I was sober for a little over a year and things were going good untill a family vacation at the beach. There was alcohol all around me and I just gave up fighting. She looks so fucking drained of this and I see it everyday in her face. I feel like I should just leave and let her be happy but at the same time I feel like it will be the nail in my coffin. I would leave if I knew it was the best for our family. Its killing me little by little everyday and I just can bear this pain anymore. I feel like I'm worthless.", "answer": "GO TO TREATMENT!!! Give it everything you have there and live the life you want to be living and be the person you want to be. Be patient with your recovery; it takes time. There is help, and you CAN get this!!!!", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cm1n8o", "comment_id": "evzthon"}, {"question": "I have to keep checking my sexuality?", "description": "I am a male in America. For some reason, I have some sort of need to keep checking my sexuality. \n\nI identify as straight, but I have to keep watching gay porn or thinking graphic homosexual thoughts to \"test\" myself to make sure I am not aroused by them. I used to be terrified of turning gay a few years ago, so I would watch gay porn, feel satisfied because I thought it was gross, and then feel good for a few months. \n\nNow I have to check myself 5-6 times a day, and I deal with intrusive thoughts constantly. I'm stuck in a thought pattern of \"what if I'm not letting myself get aroused\" and I have to check again and again.\n\nI keep thinking I'm going to lose control and start kissing men which is very distressing to me, because why would I have these thoughts if they didn't mean anything? I am also afraid of making eye contact with men, standing too close to men, talking to men for too long, and so on.\n\nDo I have OCD or am I just going through a questioning my sexuality phase?", "answer": "Best to talk to a therapist about this, especially if the behaviors associated with checking are having a negative impact on your life.  \n\nIt might really be worth unpacking what your fear of being gay means to you.  People don't \"turn gay\".  You're either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, both, fall somewhere on the continuum, or choose not to conform to gender binaries and labels at all and just be attracted to whoever you're attracted to regardless of sex and/or gender identity.  \n\n\nWho someone is or isn't attracted to has absolutely no impact on whether they are a good person or not.  \n\n\nMy guess, If you'd love yourself and be okay with yourself no matter what your sexual orientation was, you wouldn't even give this a second thought.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8i78gc", "comment_id": "dypp3in"}, {"question": "What would your 'dream' inpatient psych ward look like if you could be in charge of everything?", "description": "I have seen posts/comments from people stating they were at a inpatient psych ward, and the staff treated them like crap (were mean, or condescending, etc), it was like a prison, over all a horrible experience, stupid rules, strip search, no phones, etc. \n\nSo I was wondering, if you were in charge, and could create a wonderful psych ward, what would it look like?  What kind of staff would you have, what would they do, what would they say, how would they act, etc?  What kind of rules would you have for the patients and staff, if any?  What kind of routine for the patients would you set up, if any (ex: get up at certain time, meal time, activity, participation, computers/phones, bed time?)?  What would the actual ward look like (rooms, activities available, tv room, etc)?  How would the process work (would you have 1:1 therapy, and/or groups, would you have certain activities available, visitors, computers/phones, etc)?  What would the admission procedure look like (Ex: would the patient be searched, vital signs, street clothing versus hospital clothing, would you allow patients to \"be committed\" against their wishes, different wards for different diagnoses or same ward for all?)?.  Any criteria for discharge (ex: can they all leave whenever they want, with or without outpatient services in place?)  Any other details that you can think of.  \n\nWould love to hear your ideas about how you think an inpatient psych ward should be run, and how it would all work effectively, what could be done to make it a good experience for ALL kinds of patients, and have the patient be ready for discharge in a healthier state than before they arrived.", "answer": "Oh this will be fun. I work at an inpatient facility and have worked at a few over the years.\n\nHere's what my desire type of facility would look like (note, mental health side only, not substance abuse):\n\n1. Separate involuntary versus voluntary admissions. Generally this will do some separation of diagnosis (those who are deemed incompetent obviously can't consent to treatment, so this would be like acute psychosis, manic episode, absolutely refuses consent to treatment for some reason, etc.). Lots of people who struggle with a high level of depression or anxiety will generally at some point consent to treatment voluntarily. Not sure if I would want forensic cases, but if I did, they would stay on the involuntary side.\n2. Staff to patient ratios are BIG. My desired ratios: 3:1 patient/tech, 4:1 patient/nurse, 5:1 patient/psychiatrist, therapist, discharge planner. That way staff aren't getting overwhelmed with numbers and can focus on the quality of their service.\n3. In terms of services, I would like to see 1 med management daily, 1 individual therapy daily, 4-5 group therapy daily, 1 discharge planning meeting daily, and at least 1-2 family meetings per stay.  Involuntary unit would likely have 1-2 less groups due to general lower level of functioning.\n4. For unit layout, the voluntary unit would likely have a few more things that the involuntary unit. NO COMPUTERS. I've seen that and it's a nightmare. TVs are fine. Some video game systems are fine. A couple of wall unit phones on unit are fine. Voluntary unit would have access to an outside area with maybe a basketball court, some tables and chairs, and maybe a couple other outside games. Involuntary unit would get an outside sitting area. I'm a big proponent of outside time. I'd like to see a quiet area on the unit that's a little more sequestered away from the main day-room areas that clients can go when they start to feel overwhelmed by sensory input. We could avoid some seclusion orders with that. 2 seclusion/restraint rooms on involuntary unit, 1 seclusion/restraint room on voluntary unit. No more than 2 clients assigned to a bed room. Involuntary unit gets 2-3 single occupancy rooms, voluntary unit gets 1.\n5. For admissions procedures, I'd give everyone who first comes in hospital scrubs to wear, and then once they've seen the psychiatrist they can get any appropriate street clothes they have. I'd rather have an airport full body type scanner than having to strip search somebody after they change, although we would lose the ability to see some important things on a client's body (self-harm, major scars/surgery stuff, weight, skin, etc.) They would then enter a secluded area to be assessed before coming onto the unit.\n6. Discharge planning will include step-down levels of care when at all possible. I think a personal \"hand off\" of records would be super nice to outpatient providers. A client would be eligible for discharge when everyone (psychiatrist, nurse, therapist, and discharge planner) are in agreement that client is improved and would be safe. Staff would meet once per day together after seeing everyone to discuss their thoughts on discharges. \n7. One big thing I'd like to include is educational seminars for families of admitted clients so that they can feel more prepared to help with client concerns once they discharge to a lower level of care. Obviously this would be with client consent. Could offer a meeting once per day, maybe after a visitation session, that families could go to to ask questions or get information. Incorporating a client's support system into treatment and discharge decreases inpatient readmissions.\n\nThat's all I can think of for now. If I have anymore ideas I may add them!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f4f2df", "comment_id": "fhq8z5a"}, {"question": "irrational fear of dating. how do i get over this?", "description": "i\u2019m 22 and i have an irrational fear of dating or even talking to men i\u2019m attracted to. i consider myself a combo of introvert/extrovert, as i have no problem being outgoing with my friends or people i\u2019m not attracted to. \n\nbut that\u2019s completely different when it comes to boys? i\u2019ve never dated, confessed attraction, or even kissed a guy and i\u2019m starting to think it\u2019s an issue with me. in fact, sometimes i go out of my way to avoid men i\u2019m attracted to \n\ni grew up in a muslim household with a lot of restrictions. i couldn\u2019t hang out with boys and i was not allowed to date under any circumstances. as i get older, i am pretty much forced to find a husband as soon as possible to fit my moms standards: some of which i don\u2019t agree with ... like:\n\n- my mom refuses to have my date anyone who isn\u2019t a muslim\n- she highly encourages me to only date arabs\n- they must have a good job/make as much money as me. i am studying to be a lawyer. one time i told her i was going on a date with an arab muslim, and when i said he was a nursing major she told me she would never accept him. it was the first. date. \n- she wants me to get engaged within a very short time period from when i meet the guy. \n\ni honestly think that my moms perception of love and marriage really is taking a toll on my love life. this is also difficult for me because i have secretly left islam and i don\u2019t believe in the rule of dating strictly muslims (obviously). i can\u2019t tell her i\u2019ve left islam. how do i address this?", "answer": "This doesn't sound irrational at all.  Dating means a lot more serious implications given your culture than it does for us non-religious folks.  \n\n\nIt sounds like although you don't agree with your mother's beliefs, you haven't decided whether or not you wish to rebel against them and face the backlash.  \n\n\nI'm sure you've asked yourself a million times, \"What would happen if I dated a non-muslim?\"  \"What would happen if I dated a non-Arab?\"  etc.  \n\n\nThe truth is you don't really know but could make some educated guesses how your family would react on the spectrum of \"eh.... no big deal\" to completely disowning you.  \n\n\nDating in and of itself is very stressful and you only feel less stress the more you do it.  Dating while being part of a culture with so many restrictions exponentially increases the stress, especially if casual dating/casual sex is forbidden or frowned upon.  If this is the case and you plan to stay true to your culture and faith (or keep up the fa\u00e7ade), dating essentially means that you have to find the perfect or best person for you before even initiating the dating process (which in and of itself I'd argue is nearly impossible.)\n\n\nOne of my very best friends in the world comes from a Muslim family who emigrated to the states from India just before he was born.  He was the rebel in his family.  He didn't believe in organized religion as a whole and didn't live according to the rules set by his parent's interpretation of their faith.  For a very long time his parents distanced themselves from him and he did the same with them, despite their family being pretty close.  He married a non-Muslim white girl.  It took his parents forever to come around to the idea but eventually they did.  He knew that if he didn't do what he wanted to do and also be honest about his life with his parents (while also not trying to rub it in their faces unnecessarily) he wouldn't be happy.  \n\n\nOn the other hand, I have worked with many clients whose families followed through on their threats of disowning them, and they haven't spoken to them since.  As sad as most of them are, many believe they're living happier lives living how they want and simply live with the hope their family will come around.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ec6agm", "comment_id": "fbb1t5h"}, {"question": "Is this it? My onset of Schizophrenia.", "description": "So I am a 27 year old male over the last 8 months or so life has been meh but that is what it is, the thing that really shakes me is my recent developments in thinking and perceiving things.\n\nI was hospitalized for the first time in my life in late August for a suicide attempt and ever since being in there things have been weird my innermonolouge seems to 2 separate beings both of them are clearly me but one is very bossy and judgmental and it talks over my other thought process. It is specifically loud when it is being talked or typed about, even as I write this it is in asking \"Why the fuck are you doing that?\" along with this I have tactical hallucinations that are bug like and a false numbness that dissipates the second I touch the spot i perceive as numb. Long story short I am afraid of developing some sort of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder. I don't feel paranoid or deluded and I do have other mental illnesses that may or may not be able to cause such things. (OCD, BPD, Agoraphobia, GAD, MDD, and suicidal ideation) Obviously I am talking to my shrink about this and Im not just going online for help but I think hearing the perspective of someone suffering from such a thing may help me understand my personal situation better.\n\nThoughts? Comments?", "answer": "First, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm only tangential to mental health professionals at best. \n    \nThat being said, I don't think it's likely to be schizophrenia. Most males don't develop it this late in life. If you were 21-23, I would say it was much more likely. You said you were diagnosed with MDD. That can come with psychotic features. Or, after your hospitalization, your anxiety could be amplified because you don't want to be like the people you were in the hospital with. \n    \nJust keep talking to your doctor, and hopefully they'll be able to come up with an adequate treatment plan. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1uty51", "comment_id": "cem376a"}, {"question": "Brother dying of liver failure. Questions on life expectancy.", "description": "My brother is in the hospital with liver failure due to alcohol. His MELD is 38. He is 46 years old and he seems to think that he can survive this. While I admire his courage, I understand this is fatal. But I cannot understand how long he has left with a MELD of 38. I have heard 2 days, I have heard a year...... Any help is greatly appreciated.  \nI know no one can tell me the day he will die... duh. But may something more specific than 2 days to a year? I need to know how much time I have with my brother, so I can make the most of it.   \nThank you all from the bottom of my heart.  \n\n* 42\n* M\n* 6 2\n* 160\n* W\n* 6 Years\n* liver\n* meld 38, cirrhosis, rapid weight loss, jaundice, paracentesis, pancreatitis\n* dialysis and pain meds", "answer": "Getting an answer from the team involved is he best answer. Based on MELD, he has about a one in five chance of surviving 90 days.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8pfkv", "comment_id": "esotey4"}, {"question": "I am [16M] crazy for a girl [17F] I've talked to for about 2 minutes and is a year older than me, how do i get rid of this?", "description": "I am 16 years old and in my 11th year in high school. Before this I have never felt special about someone, never had a girlfriend or any friends that are girls for that matter. In one of my classes this year there is this girl (17) who is very popular, very attractive, funny, and caring. I am shy and don't talk to many people, especially girls. \n\n\nWe have talked once when we were assigned to a group together for the hour. It wasn't a real converstaion, just agreeing with each other and the other members of our group. She is a year older than me and is way out of my leauge. I can't find the courage to say anything to her and it would lead to nothing anyway. The class also ends next week because of the semester so after this week I will be even more lost.\n\n\nI have never felt this way about anyone and I need to know how to make it go away. I think about her all the time to the point were it saddens me knowing I will never even talk to her. I know for a fact that I will never say anything to her because im too shy and have no experience, especially with someone like her. I just want this feeling to go away, thanks for the advice.\n  \n  ---   \n tl;dr - I am shy/quiet, and obsessed with girl who is older and better looking than me, never really talked to her. How do i get rid of the feelings. Thanks", "answer": "in the long run, you don't really want your feelings to go away because it shows that for the first time you are feeling SOMETHING, which is  beautiful.  usually, becoming a romantic individual starts with this kind of longing from afar....a crush.   so you either take a chance, and ask her out, or if you really feel that she wouldn't go out, then relish the fact that you're having sweet feelings, and use that experience to talk more to girls. you'll get there my friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ofklq", "comment_id": "dciyonl"}, {"question": "I keep having the urge to kill myself.", "description": "I have an okay life. Nothing great, nothing too crazy, just... okay. But in the past few months, I've started to have these constant urges to kill myself. \n\nI've kind of stopped caring about school and I've been to about 4 of my classes in the past month. I have this nagging feeling that my future is not going to turn out well, despite my parents constantly telling me that \"everything will work out.\" Life is speeding up. I waste like 75% of my waking hours playing video games with my friends. Days and weeks are starting to blend together. I'll pretty much be dead in what seems like an instant anyway.\n\nI'm not really sad like I was a few months ago (thanks to my good friend Prozac), but I feel empty a lot of the time. I don't really value myself or my life, and I feel like this might be one of my main problems. \n\nMultiple times per day, I feel this wave come over me and I think \"Well, I should just kill myself.\" It seems so alluring, especially if my future turns to shit because I can't get my lazy ass to even attempt to fix any of the problems I have.\n\nI probably won't even do it. But sometimes the call of death is so sensual, so beautiful, so freeing, that it'll most likely always be in the back of my mind.", "answer": "Please go see a therapist and remember there are people who love and care about you. If oh get urges to act on your thoughts please call 911. You c an also use 8002738255 or text 741.741 for help in a mental health crisis. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hf7o2", "comment_id": "dqqjxoa"}, {"question": "How to spot a gentleman?", "description": "Me and my best friend Allison are both single. I have been in several relationships and so did she. However, none of our relationships have lasted longer than 6 months due to the fact that all of the guys turned out to be total pricks. Now we are both wondering how to exactly notice if someone is a real gentleman or if he fakes for the first months so he can hop into bed with you. Please help us with your opinions so we don't need to waste our times on assholes!\n\nThanks so much in advance for your support!", "answer": "  I would go VERY slowly in relationships. This alone will weed out some of the jerks. Ask LOTS of questions over the first few months. Know their history, their needs, their wants, their expectations...... People who will hurt you have 'red flags' in their histories that will emerge if you ask the right questions. There are hidden gems out there. You have to be patient, and selective, and not needy about finding someone.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63a87i", "comment_id": "dfshw5o"}, {"question": "First post here, thinking of quitting, wondering if DBT might help?", "description": "I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, so weed helps with freak outs, but I'd love to quit. I wonder if DBT might assist in this, I've heard 'radical acceptance' is a part of DBT and it seems like that could help. Any thoughts or people with BPD in a similar boat?", "answer": "You'd have better luck in the bpd subreddit. I frequent there, am a mental health professional, and I have BPD. I doubt many here will be aware of it as much. \n\nIt does talk about refrain from all substance use though ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "6lx71j", "comment_id": "djxazxu"}, {"question": "Insurance Won't Cover Therapist; Am I Screwed?", "description": "God, I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this - if there's a better one, please direct me to it.\n\nAfter years of failing to find a therapist in my town that would work with me, I finally found someone who clicks and she's been helpful in steering me towards methods that manage my anxiety and depression. Great, right? But she's not in my insurance network and I had assumed I had some out of network coverage options, because I took my employer's word without double checking myself.\n\nTurns out I don't. Just says \"NOT COVERED\" on any out-of-network providers.\n\nCurrently I pay $150 out of pocket per session and I see her weekly, but $600 a month is starting to drain and I'm having anxiety attacks over budgeting. I plan on speaking with her next time about sliding scale (which I feel like I'm insultingly cheap for asking about) but other than that, am I just out of options? It's either asking her to change her rate or nothing?", "answer": "Is she in a private practice? If so, my guess is she won't be adjusting the fee :/  If you see a therapist at an agency or community mental health center, you are more likely to find sliding scale/ fee reduction based on need.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49e1j2", "comment_id": "d0voh5h"}, {"question": "The details I've kept secret", "description": "Seven years ago I was raped. I have told many people this over the course of the last seven years. None at first, I didn't report it or confide in anyone. As the years went on I started to open up and received the mixed responses that most people reading this will be familiar with. At this point, more so than thinking about the event itself, I think about the impact. I look back on my life and am ashamed at my behavior and choices following my rape. While on one of these trains of thought I realized that while I had told people I was raped, I had never been completely truthful. \n\nBecause while I have been told for years not to blame myself, I do. I know I would never have been able to successfully prosecute him because of my behavior before and after the rape. It is my fault that he is still out there, happy, raising his son. \n\nI believe that if I were to tell anyone the pieces of the story I leave out, they would blame me just like I blame myself. I also believe that regardless of the responses I expect, it would be cathartic to do so and that is why I have moved out of the realm of lurkers within this community.\n\nI was fourteen when two adult men raped me while their friends watched. Before I was raped, I was having consensual sex with another man. He was my age and was the person who invited me to the party. While having sex with him one of my rapists pulled him off of me and told him \"I'll show you how she likes to be fucked\" A little after this a different man joined him in raping me. I had been drinking. I didn't remember the rape the next morning. The next day I had consensual sex with another man. I continued to go to parties at one of my rapists' house and spent the next 3 years being extremely promiscuous. I thought that if sex didn't mean anything than I could make what happened to me meaningless- but I didn't want this post to be about the justifications I constantly tell myself so I will end my side of the story there.\n\nThese are the details I have never added to my story and I am adding them now. It was rape. I said no, I tried to fight. I was promiscuous and thought I deserved it. I reacted by becoming more promiscuous. I no longer think I deserved it but I do think I have ruined myself. Seven years later and I still have no happy ending. I didn't react the way women are said to. I didn't cringe at the touch of men, I encouraged it. I cannot forgive myself.\n\nThanks to anyone who took the time to read this wall of text.", "answer": "I'm sorry that this happened to you. What you describe is a common trauma reaction to sexual assault. I'm a therapist and this:\" I thought that if sex didn't mean anything than I could make what happened to me meaningless\" is unfortunately something I see in my patients very often. Please know you're not alone and the way you reacted is normal.  You are clearly self-aware enough to have realized why you reacted the way you did... now you can begin to heal. Bringing up the memories will not be easy, but it's important to exorcise them. If you haven't already, please consider therapy-- but make sure the therapist is someone well trained in sexual assault trauma (sadly, many are not.)\n<hugs>", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "21kden", "comment_id": "cgdy3vy"}, {"question": "I [30m] just broke up with my SO [29f]. Wondering if I should fight for the relationship or if I would just end up looking pathetic.", "description": "At the risk of sounding cliche, my ex and I got together in the most 90s \"Meg Ryan rom com\"/\"teenage coming of age\" kind of way. We were part of the same friend group and always gravitated towards each other during gatherings. But, she had a serious, 5 year relationship, that kept us platonic for years. I was in love with her the  entire time however and everything came to a head when I found out she was moving with said boyfriend to the opposite coast of the country. One drunken night with my roommate yelling at me to figuratively chase her through the airport and tell her how I feel; I manned up and told her. Luckily for me, the feelings were mutual and she decided to break off her relationship, stay on our coast, and start a relationship with me. But, as cliche as our beginning was, reality never turned out as good as our expectations.\n\nFor about the first year things were amazing (we were together 2.5 years) There were some minor problems at the very beginning just because we had to hide our relationship at the very beginning out of respect for her exs feelings. But other than that, it was the most beautiful, adventurous, and loving time of my life. We had every base covered as friends, lovers, and life partners. But after the first year things began to become strained. One of our best friends was brutally murdered and I think our entire friend group collectively became alcoholics for a time as a result of that. And in that drunken haze, bad things started to manifest in our relationship. We would get drunk and argue, get drunk and be fools, get drunk and cause scenes, and just in general became toxic to ourselves and everyone around us. \n\nI snapped out of it about 6 months ago and really got myself back on track. But as I did this, I noticed that she was going even harder than before. The discrepancy in our lifestyles became too much and we began this 3 month cycle of bickering, cutting contact, then reconciling, and then repeating the cycle. It finally got to the point where we both started to truly resent each other and have little patience for the other person. We reached the final straw when I finally intervened on her for drinking and doing drugs, selling me out to get wasted all the time, and for her trashy behavior when she drank. She came back with the fact that she had been hanging out with someone else and I lost it and cursed her out bad through text. We talked one last time a few days later where I apologized for what I said, and she did also and admitted that she had only hung out with someone once and she just made it seem like it was more to get under my skin in the heat of the moment. And we left it all at that.\n\nThat was 3 months ago. Now she's clean and working and going to school again. And I landed a great job and have been bettering myself every day. And it seems like she has also. So now it's getting me thinking that maybe I should reach out to see if we could reconcile. But another part of me just feels like people never change the way you want them too and maybe being apart is what gave us the clarity to get our lives back in order. Maybe we held each other back. Plus, she angrily told me to stop contacting her the last time we spoke and it's making me feel like I might come off creepy and pathetic if I break the radio silence. Even though I am pretty certain that we would be cool if we did talk again now that time has passed. Does anyone have any incite or has anyone been in a situation like mine where they fought for and reconciled a relationship? I've never been in situation like this because I really do love this person and want it to work, but part of me feels like it should be more like 3 years from now as opposed to 3 months. \n\nThank you all\n\nTl;dr Broke up with my SO because of drinking. Contemplating going back now that we're both sober again but not sure if it's too far gone ", "answer": "you won't know till you know...just go slow; maybe even go to counseling together to stay on top of things", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5spezq", "comment_id": "ddgtjyc"}, {"question": "How do I know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? What do I do if they do?", "description": "I was  wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. I don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. Also worried that if we do find out any risks, how I can best act to help in an isolation environment.\n\nAny ideas?", "answer": "1. How old is your kiddo?       \n2. What are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "fq6l4yt"}, {"question": "What causes the weight that depression makes me feel like I'm carrying?", "description": "I'm sure you've all experienced it. The god damn weight. At first, Not much. Your walk might tire you a bit more than it should, or you lift a bit less than you usually do. But then it adds on. And on. And on. And on. Suddenly, without warning, it feels like your being smothered in a lead blanket. What causes this ?", "answer": "At base, depression can be thought of as a motivation syndrome.  Full on severe depression is frequently associated with fatigue, sleep disturbance, eating disturbance, loss of pleasure, psychomotor retardation, etc and all of these things have in common changes in motivation which are also brain system changes subtle though they are.  I suspect the 'weight' you are referring to is part of the larger loss of motivation.  You don't have the energy to do stuff and what you do doesn't satisfy like it did either.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2c0g0o", "comment_id": "cjbmteb"}, {"question": "I [27M] am unsure if my [23F]GF is emotionally abusive.", "description": "Only reason I ask if shes emotionally abusive is because a [30M] friend says she is when i go to him for advice. \n\nWe are long distance, we see each other 2 weeks out of the month, me going to her. Been dating a year. Things are great, when we are together we are happy and very much in love. Life is great but she has pretty bad anxiety and really doesn't do well with her own problems. I'm not very open, in her opinion, and I have a hard time helping her. She gets upset if I ask a question differently than how she would want it asked. When she is upset and I check up on her asking \"how are you feeling?\" she gets mad cause she hates when I ask it that way. I should ask it her way, \"feeling better?, still feeling the same?\" stuff like that. It all just seems so small and insignificant to be upset over. How can someone be upset with their SO when they are actively trying to help. \n\nHer birthday was on a Thursday, a day I wouldn't be with her. So on Monday, a day I took off work to help her move I decided I'd buy her a cake, and flowers for her birthday and first day at her new job. She was happy everything was good, nice surprise. On her actual birthday I texted her \"happy birthday!!\" in the morning and didn't really talk to her till after work. She was upset I didn't make a bigger deal about her birthday. No social media post. No texts saying \"hows the birthday girl?\" \"hows your birthday going?\". I could have texted her but when she started her new job we really don't text till after we both get off work. If this all makes sense. \n\nJust a bunch of small things that are insignificant. I just feel like I have to talk on eggshells sometimes when shes anxious as well. Never know when I'll word something wrong and annoy her. If she doesn't want to talk for a few hours cause shes upset, we don't talk. If I decide we shouldn't talk for a few hours to gather our thoughts she freaks out. \"you can just decide that huh?\" \"ill talk to you in a few days, goodbye.\" \"fuck off, i know you hate me saying that but fuck. off.\"\n\nI'm pretty laid back and chill. I don't like confrontation but feel like I have to really step up and tell her she needs to chill and check her when she starts acting crazy. It's frustrating. I just want her to treat me with some respect, even when shes anxious or upset. \n\nHope this makes sense, wrote it quickly during lunch. Thanks.", "answer": "she is a very high maintenace gf. is  she in therapy?  yes, she is abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6p97i4", "comment_id": "dknnp3k"}, {"question": "I'm 19 and starting college this spring. How do I meet new people without being awkward?", "description": "I am 19 and starting college in a new city. I am very quiet and shy so I have a hard time talking to people. If it's one on one, I have no problem talking to people. However, when there two or more people, I can't speak. I become one of those people who stay busy on their phone. I would really like to meet new people and make friends but I have zero social skills. ", "answer": "Well, you don't have 0 social skills. Like you said, you can talk ok in smaller groups. So take what you have and build on it :)\n\nTry to seek out social opportunities that are more suited to your strengths. A big party might be overwhelming for you, but a book club or a volunteer group might be less noisy and chaotic, and easier to connect with.\n\nPlus, be deliberate to work and grow your social skills. Like anything, social skills get better with practice. Read social skills advice, then be deliberate to try it out. One good resource to start is [Improve Your Social Skills](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com)\n\nFinally, push yourself out of your comfort zone a little each week -- but not too much. You want to challenge yourself at a level that you can keep doing, not at a level that will burn you out. So figure out what works for you, and commit to that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "15wwa3", "comment_id": "c7qjuzw"}, {"question": "I think I did something as a patient that would warrant my psychiatrist firing me. I need advice on how to bring it up with her and how to convince another doctor to treat me. Would especially appreciate the advice of current or former physicians, psychiatrists, or therapists.", "description": "Long story short: I've been lying to my psychiatrist for almost a year about taking two of my medications. \n\nLong story long: I was prescribed mood stabilizers for severe depression (not bipolar) but found them miserable to take. My old psych was super conservative about treatment and didn't want to take me off of them, and instead of fighting the point I just.... stopped taking them. And continued to tell him I was taking them. I realize this is bad. I've been totally clinically stable, but like this is still super bad.\n\nWhen I switched to my new doc (location change), I lied to her too, because I thought admitting I had been lying to a previous doctor was not a great way to start a relationship.\n\nHowever, I recently told another (non-psychiatric) doctor the truth about what I was taking because it was important for diagnosing a separate, non-psychiatric condition. Now my current psychiatrist wants me to sign a release to allow her to coordinate care with my new neurologist. If/when they talk to each other, the truth about my meds -- and my long-term lie -- will come out.\n\nI completely get it if my psychiatrist wants to fire me. I don't blame her. My question is: once it's in my medical records that I've been fired for non-compliance and lying, will any other psychiatrist take me? I really do need the antidepressants I'm on and actually taking, so it's sort of a matter of life and death -- not to be too dramatic, just to give a sense of my urgency.\n\n(perhaps unnecessary caveat: i am not suicidal at all, this post is not a suggestion that i am in danger, because I am not. Just that I have a very very serious chronic illness and I need my medication and I have done something to endanger my ability to get that medication.)", "answer": "You are far from the only person who has lied to their mental health professional. It shows immense character and insight that you are rethinking it. You\u2019re good.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "867y9e", "comment_id": "dw3mjpn"}, {"question": "How do you find a good therapist?", "description": "Are there websites or resources for finding caring and helpful therapists in your city? How do you find a therapist/doctor that will listen to you, not just prescribe you medication and send you on your way? \n\nDo any of you know of any helpful websites that can point me in the right direction?", "answer": "Honestly, a really good resource for locating therapists is Google. Just type in your city and \"counseling\" or \"therapy\" and it should provide a good list to start from.\n\nFor your second question: Therapists don't prescribe medicine, psychiatrists do. If you want talk therapy, see a therapist (counselor for example). ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "x9ggi", "comment_id": "c5kdmqc"}, {"question": "Thoughts", "description": "So today me and boyfriend had a conversation about what is considered cheating and what isn't. Me, [21/F] and him [22/M] stated that talking to someone your s/o is uncomfortable with is cheating. Well, a year ago he was talking to this girl who would hit him up, always trying to Skype and would get irritated when he never messaged back. So I told him she seemed to be getting a little clingy and it was making me uncomfortable, so instead of him just ignoring her, he told her that i didn't like her and I didn't want him talking to her anymore and that they \"UNFORTUNATELY\" had to end their friendship, so she messaged me upset that I had said anything. Yet he doesn't consider that cheating, but if I did, it would be. Thoughts?", "answer": "Talking to someone your partner doesn't like isn't cheating. It might be breaking a promise to them but it's not fucking adultery just cause it scares you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a2ay4", "comment_id": "dhbcxdo"}, {"question": "No More Proclamations", "description": "  I've been thinking quite a lot on this.  I've come to believe that making big announcements on reddit or to your friends about your quitting and your goals doesn't help, and can actually harm, your efforts to quit addictive behaviour.  Humans are social creatures, it is embedded deep within our DNA via countless years of evolution.  When we socially proclaim we are quitting an addictive behaviour, or reaching for a goal, we get all kinds of good ooey gooey feelings inside.  We receive a feeling of validation and accomplishment.  That's the problem here.  By receiving that validation at the decision making stage, you are yet to take real action.  You get the reward of the good feelings before you have undergone the task.\n\n  I'm not discounting making the decision to quit.  It's a big deal, and a major first step.  But by announcing to the world that \"I'm quitting Reddit, see you guys never again.\"  You are simultaneously rewarding yourself before actually accomplishing anything and sabotaging your own efforts.  Every time I've made a post along those lines, I've checked back to see the number of upvotes and comments the same day.  It's the validation you are seeking when you make posts like that, not the actual result.\n\n  Instead, set your goals privately.  Meditate, keep a journal.  If you want to tell someone, fine, but don't just make some big announcement that means nothing.  Focus on the journey, not the destination.  \n\n  More importantly, take that energy you were about to put into writing a long reddit post into working on your goals.  Take real and powerful action.  Want to quit surfing?  Install that blocking software, or better yet, take the power cable out the back of your pc.  Go outside, ride a bike, take a hike, learn to play the guitar, just do something greater.  Take actions towards your goals, rather than naval gazing over them.\n\n  If you want to tell someone, make it someone who will actually keep you accountable.  Tell your roommate, or partner.  Tell your best friend, or your dad.  Someone who will call you on your bullshit.  If you want to do it online, join r/1000daysofpractice.  Those guys focus on the everyday side of habits, the practical rather than the metaphorical.  But don't tell the whole world, you're only hindering yourself.\n\n  Then, once you've achieved something, come back and tell us all about it.  30 days nosurf, 3 months, a year.  Come tell us that you've been kicking ass and taking names, rather than telling us that you might kick some ass and may take some names some day soon.  Tell us how you did it, and help others to find the path.  You will have earned those feelings of achievement and validation, they will be more powerful, and you will have your unique experience to share with the community.", "answer": "I think I mostly agree with this except when friends, family, or partners can offer support in terms of accountability. I\u2019m getting off a drug right now, and I told my partner and best friend because I want their help in making sure I don\u2019t slip. I\u2019m not expecting them to be entirely responsible for the outcome of this endeavor, but I do think it\u2019s helpful to have someone who knows what you\u2019re going through.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "cdue8k", "comment_id": "etypf6o"}, {"question": "I've been on Adderall XR for ADHD since last year, but I don't think I have ADHD but Adderall still helps me by numbing emotions/increasing self confidence", "description": "I'm a Caucasian male, 19, and 130lbs. I'm 5'8 \n\nI have hypothyroidsm\n\nInattentive ADHD \n\nI take Adderall XR 20mg (started Vyvanse 40mg a couple weeks ago) \n\nMagnesium citrate a couple nights a week\n\nThis might be a long read so thanks for reading if you do \n\nI was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12. I've been emotionally sensitive for a few years at least. I had ADHD after visiting a doctor. A few weeks later I started Adderall XR and I thought it helped a lot. Now looking back, it only made me able to concentrate better because it would keep me from being tired often and speed me up. I got incredible amounts of euphoria when I started it. This state would still last me a few hours every single day for a few months and the comedown was awful and it wanted me to take more (but I did not) The medication would never last longer than 8 hours after the first week and over time I started to grow more impatient and compulsive. It never calmed my brain down but it never sped it up too fast either after several months (assuming tolerance) \nI'd always feel the need to talk and couldn't really silence my inner thoughts either. It actually made me act more \"adhd like\" instead and  the only difference was that these inner thoughts were more constant, less based on emotion and more based around what habits I wanted to partake in each day (smoking cigarettes, listening to music, researching random things online) \n\nRight now, I'm typing quite fast and am in a typical state of hyperfocus. Vyvanse even at 40mg (roughly equal to 15mg XR) speeds me up more and then I crash 3 hours later) so I started taking some of my leftover adderall prescription a few days ago \nI think my use of Adderall has played a big part in ruining a relationship with someone who I loved very much. We're still close friends but it hurts at times.\nI don't want to talk to my doctor about this yet because it really has helped me in many ways, but also has hurt me too. I've read that amphetmines aren't likely neurotoxic in prescribed doses (adhd or not) but I would like some advice on what to do?\n\n I do plan to talk to my doctor eventually but it doesn't seem right that this medication has basically had me high for nearly a year. The year went by too fast and I feel like things once important to me aren't as much anymore. The only things important to me I feel is what I do while on Adderall/Vyvanse \n\nI miss my old self sometimes\n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "ADHD meds are meant to be a containing influence whilst your brain develops, and typically it shouldn't be prescribed into adulthood. In practice, you might be at a stage where you no longer need it.\n\nFor all we know, you might not have needed them in the first place, but im not in a position to comment on this (obviously).\n\nWhat do you think life would be like if you were no longer on ADHD meds?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6mxn4b", "comment_id": "dk5vj8p"}, {"question": "My Sister opened up to me about some possible psychosis, looking for direction.", "description": "Hi. Recently my sister opened up to me about seeing some spirits chasing eachother. I was very surprised by the conversation, she has had some history with hallucinations, the one or two times that her friends have convinced her to smoke marijuana. She talked to me as if this was something normal to her though, she said they are also in her dreams. I didn't really know what to do, but I just kept her talking about it, I figured I might not be much of a help to her, but I wanted as much info as I could. I really just need to know what would be the best support for her right now, she lives below the poverty line and does not have a good support system around her (my family is very religious and doesn't necessarily believe in mental health). With the pandemic I assume most therapy is online right now? Is there somewhere I can point her that would be the most helpful for her to sort out what's going on in that noggin? \n\nI'm in Ontario and she is on ODSP, so maybe there is a government supported service?", "answer": "I can't diagnose her over Reddit , but based on this info , it sounds like it may be cannabis induced psychosis,  rather than a psychiatric disorder .\n\nIf this continues , she definitely needs to talk directly to a professional. \n\nhttps://www.psychiatrictimes.com/substance-use-disorder/cannabis-induced-psychosis-review", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fuiubj", "comment_id": "fmd0vav"}, {"question": "ADHD?", "description": "16yearsold        \nCaucasian               \nMale              \n140lbs               \n5feet7inches                \nDuration of Complaint: Don\u2019t know but I feel like I\u2019m getting more and more affected by it.                   \n                     \nI feel like I\u2019m showing symptoms of ADHD/ADD and I\u2019m not sure what to do about it but i feel like the \u2018symptoms\u2019 are having a negative impact on me academically and subsequently mentally. The least common symptom I\u2019ve noticed and least effecting symptom is that I often move around in my seat when I\u2019m sitting in a car (or really any seat) until I\u2019m comfortable and then a few minutes later I\u2019ll move around more and that\u2019ll continue, but that\u2019s not where my concern lies. I chronically procrastinate to the point where I always do things at the last second to the point where I either do poorly or need extra time or both, this results in a lot of stress and overthinking that I can\u2019t stand. Me writing this (after writing a previous thread on what my procrastination alone was) is a result of me stressing out and trying to find answers to whatever is happening ASAP because I\u2019m sooooo tirrrreeddd of it. From what I\u2019ve seen it *could* be ADHD/ADD, but I\u2019m no doctor. I was wondering how exactly a doctor would diagnose ADHD/ADD and what the doctor would do to help.", "answer": "I think it's not a good strategy in your case to come with the question 'do I have AD(H)D?' to your gp. Because this can only result in a 'yes' or 'no'. My advice would be to stick with your complaints and ask 'what is causing this list of complaints and how can you help me?'. It can be AD(H)D but other diagnosis could also considered.\n\nAlso, you want to know what is going to happen after you get a diagnosis. It's understandable that you want to know what to expect, but try to keep an open mind, you have complaints and want a better quality of life for yourself.\n\n​\n\nTL, DR: Don't narrow your focus to AD(H)D.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "biywuh", "comment_id": "em4e06z"}, {"question": "I [M21] can't stand my family anymore and want to move far, far away", "description": "I [M21] and wrapping up my undergrad and applying to law school. I live in NY am seriously considering going to school in California. I want to get away because I just don't get along with most members of my family. My mother [F43] is possessive and just annoying. She is neurotic and I can't stand to be around her for more than 30 minutes. She constantly badgers me about my financial situation. She even has gone so far as to set up job interviews at places I told her I didn't want to work. She submitted a resume and everything. I thought this was crossing the line and she didn't see why I got upset. She constantly texts me about it and if I don't text back immediately she gets defensive. She also changes the password to my online banking so she can always see my finances. When I told her to stop and that was none of her business she freaked out.\n\nMy Dad [M40] isn't much better. Every time he tries to talk to me he takes a condescending tone. He makes it seem like I am an idiot and that he knows better. When I try and tell him to talk to me like an adult and treat me like an actual human being he just gets mad and says \"would you like it if I took a worse tone!\". I just can't stand it in this house anymore. Now my parents do do a lot for me. I know they love me, but they always throw it in my face. When I confronted my mom on her behavior she just said \"after all we do for you!\" As if she is somehow entitled to my banking information.\n\nI'm just so tired of it. I want to move away and go no contact. I know they would be devastated, but I need to get away. Is this a good way to deal with my problems? I also have a grandpa who I really don't want to abandon, but my whole family lives in the same area. What should I do?\n\nTl:dr I can no longer stand my parents and want to go far, far away. Is this a good idea?", "answer": "the key to having difficult parents is to manage distance and quantity of contact. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o10v9", "comment_id": "dcfw74j"}, {"question": "Feeling sick to my stomach, still eating a lot but losing weight. What could it be?", "description": "For the last few weeks I have been excessively fatigued and tired to the point it is a huge struggle to keep my eyes open. I've been falling asleep at 9pm every night (waking up at like 7) and wake up exhausted with tired eyes. My stomach is slightly upset almost constantly (but has been getting better) and I do not have a strong appetite.\n\nNevertheless, I am eating plenty (I have been going out quite a bit). Yet, I realized I've lost a few pounds, and I feel like I am without any energy (not hungry but the feeling of famish). What could this be? I'm 26 F, healthy, not having sex, and am about 108 and 5'2 or a little over.", "answer": "How much is \"losing a few pounds\" and over what period of time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6saye7", "comment_id": "dlblyck"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "I don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. If people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. I think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. I myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where I do find happiness and joy in most days, even though I\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. I still get my bad flare ups, but I\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. I practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know I\u2019m in more of a down place and I may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. Truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. No one else can do it for us. They can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef0tbbg"}, {"question": "it\u2019s okay if you need to take a break", "description": "no matter what race you are, it\u2019s okay to sign off for a while and look after yourself. the world is stressful and the anxiety with it is uncontrollable, but your health is the most important in times like these. stay safe <3", "answer": "I did exactly this for the last two weeks. I texted my boss and told her I would not be coming in for another two weeks. I never gave her a reason but it was completely do to my mental health being in the trash. My first day back was this past Monday and i'm feeling so much better. I value my health over my work", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "gv9rta", "comment_id": "fsqbk57"}, {"question": "[22/m] Jealous and paranoid because of past experiences, How do I prevent this from ruining my new [21/F] relationship? (x/post r/advice)", "description": "Posting from a throwaway.\n\nI was in a long... Long term relationship, It was my first serious relationship and it lasted for about 5 years, It was also extremely toxic and my SO at the time was more manipulative than I realized until toward the end of our relationship. There was a lot of lies and a lot of infidelity, some of it involving mutual friends.\n\nI've since broken up with this person and found myself with a much more trustworthy and enjoyable individual, The problem is that I find myself constantly paranoid and jealous that history will repeat itself and this new person will wrong me in some way.\n\nIn my heart I know that my current SO would never do anything like that, They're an incredible person and one of the most honest and grounded people I've ever met, that said however it doesn't stop my mind from racing just because they went to hang out with their friends or didn't return a text. It's small things like that that turned out to be signs of much larger problems in my previous relationship.\n\nI'm afraid that this unfounded paranoia brought on by the baggage of the past will somehow sabotage a good thing that I've found for myself. I've told my current SO the full extent of the troubles involved in my previous relationship and warned them that at times I may be excessively jealous or paranoid and promised to do my best to not let that ever interfere with our happiness and they understood entirely.\n\nStill I would like to avoid these thoughts all together, they cause me a lot of unneeded stress and anxiety even though I realize that they couldn't be farther from the truth, but the small 1% chance that I'm wrong is enough to keep my mind racing in an endless spiral of paranoia and anxiety.\n\nI'll never act on these thoughts, because I recognize them as ungrounded paranoia, but how can I overcome them entirely?", "answer": "My first question would be do you have anxiety in general and if you do is it something you need to see a therapist about. If you don't have any psychiatric history and this purely has to do with a bad past experience, Then I would stay focused on the facts about your girl- friend that suggest she's a very solid and trustworthy person. At the end of the day, we either trust or we don't.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qf41s", "comment_id": "dcyr644"}, {"question": "I got diagnosed with ADHD today", "description": "I've been in about a year long process of getting an ADHD diagnosis and I was finally diagnosed today. Now I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I finally understand the root of my problems and can start to work on them, but on the other hand a diagnosis doesn't make me any less of a high school drop out. Life is fun.", "answer": "I'm getting assessed tomorrow. I'm so terrified I won't be diagnosed that I'm thinking about not going. Ugh. \n\nIf I don't receive the diagnosis I will feel so invalidated and so unheard. I've been diagnosed borderline personality for a long time but so much of that diagnosis isn't me and everytime I talk to psychiatrists they hear I was diagnosed borderline before and they straight away assume I'm just making other symptoms up :(. I have discovered adhd and this subreddit in the last month or so and omg my life has changed so much even without meds or a diagnosis because I feel I understand myself better.\n\nI'm taking my husband in the hopes he will help me be heard and taken seriously.\n\nI am so glad you received a diagnosis but I totally understand why you would feel the way you do.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akmefh", "comment_id": "ef62vv0"}, {"question": "The Planet is Being Destroyed, Violence Increases, Sexism Increases...People are Insane and In Denial About It...And I\u2019m the crazy one?", "description": "I dare you  to tell me to see a therapist. I dare you to diagnose me. I dare you to justify colonialism and ecological  destructiomn. ", "answer": "Look at what you are saying about the world and compare it to how you are talking about it. By violently making statements about the world and attacking everyone that replies you are perpetuating the violent, erradic attitude that you see in the world. \n\nIt sounds like it's a lot, it sucks, you've been hurt, and you need to get it out. \n\nI'm sorry for what happened to you, and I don't have any advice or tips for making it better or easier because we can't control what happens in the world or what other people decide to do. We as people who are alive today are all out here together, and maybe most people are blind, lazy, and/or ignorant. Maybe people just do what they can. Maybe we are all being controlled, whether by some good or by some secret organization that influences everything around us to makes use behave in a certain way. Maybe thinking about it and trying to understand it does more had than good.\n\nI hope you find what you need", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8294bv", "comment_id": "dv9ebrl"}, {"question": "I just want to cuddle...", "description": "So I have recently started to \"get out there\" and found that despite significant difficulties initially I can participate in \"socializing\" and enjoy it for at least a couple hours before I'm socially spent.\n\nI work as a coach so I have a large repertoire of tricks I can use which surprisingly work in much the same way on women as they do with kids. \n\nI can get them to laugh, and talk comfortably and sit side-by-side but when I'd guess most people would think \"I just want to kiss you so hard\" I think \"I want to cuddle with you so long\" and I really am lost as to how to transition to that.\n\nI mean getting laid would be awesome but I want to cuddle so much more at this point and I feel awkward about it... Any tips?", "answer": "If you're dating a girl, cuddling will (usually) come up naturally. A few dates in when you feel comfortable, invite her over for a movie, pat the spot on the couch next to you, and viola.\n\nIf you'd like to cuddle just as friends, that's a bit trickier. Open and honest communication is important--don't try to just snuggle up without saying anything.\n\nInstead, if you have a friend who is physically affectionate and whom you are close to, you might want to be vulnerable and let her know, \"Hey, I really miss cuddling with people, and it's not a romantic/sexual thing for me (or at least, it doesn't have to be.) Would you be ok with trying some of that?\"\n\nAlso, you might want to explore activities that are touch-positive. Theater and dance and things of that nature tend to attract huggy, physically affectionate people, and so the chances of you meeting your touch needs there are probably better than in other groups.\n\nYou can also go to a [cuddle party](http://www.cuddleparty.com/), because apparently that's a real thing. Good luck!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "t96e6", "comment_id": "c4kyij2"}, {"question": "I\u2019m scared and need help", "description": "I\u2019m seeing a therapist currently but I\u2019m scared if I told her what was wrong she\u2019d report me to the police or something. I\u2019m having a lot of vivid fantasies about overpowering my girlfriend, killing her and then myself. I don\u2019t know why this is happening. I love her so much and I could never do that to anyone, I don\u2019t have it in me. Sometimes I have fantasies about eating her once she\u2019s dead but that grosses me out I don\u2019t know why this is happening. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with: generalized anxiety disorder, depression, trichotillomania, and possible bipolar disorder (we\u2019re looking into it at the moment)  sorry for sounding so frantic but I want it to stop", "answer": "If you are disttressed by this,  it is likely an \"intrusive thought.\"\n\nThoughts are not illegal , it is very unlikely these thoughts could be reported, based on what you shared here .\n\nIf you are uncomfortable with the specifics, you could tell the therapist that you deal with intrusive thoughts that upset you and not say what they are until you are more comfortable.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbpkl3", "comment_id": "fva9dtb"}, {"question": "Whenever I go out alone, I never talk to anyone.", "description": "I\u2019m an introvert, but there are still times when the idea of going out on a Saturday night sounds more appealing than staying home playing Stardew Valley. However I\u2019ve noticed that when I do go out, I don\u2019t speak to anyone. Last Saturday night was one of these nights. I went downtown and ended up going to two bars, but both times I just sat alone, people-watching and eavesdropping on other conversations. Other than the bartenders, I literally didn\u2019t say one word to anyone.\n\nIt\u2019s not like I\u2019m depressed, sitting there just wishing I was the kind of person these people would want to talk to. I just find it super awkward to try to start a conversation with a stranger unless I\u2019m given an extremely obvious in. \n\nI left with a kind of \u201cwell better luck next time\u201d kind of attitude, but deep down I know nothing will change unless I do.\n\nHow do the rest of you deal with this?", "answer": "I experience this sometimes.  Not as often as I used to.  I'm an extreme extrovert, but also one with social anxiety.  I prefer to be out talking to people and having conversations with groups, working the room so to say.  In fact I'd say being an extreme extrovert I crave it.  \n\n\nSometimes though, I'll be at a bar by myself if I have to say kill time before getting on a train or before meeting with friends and obviously I would love to strike up random conversations but the anxiety holds me back.  \n\n\nSome days it gets me and some days it doesn't.  When I really feel up to pushing myself, I'll usually sit next to someone else who's alone and ask some relevant questions to spark a conversation.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9ixagu", "comment_id": "e6o53yb"}, {"question": "I'm insecure and I really need your help", "description": "I'm in a relationship with this beautiful intelligent human being that i totally admire and respect. I try not to push her boundaries ever, give her space, I never show signs of jealousy and over all I try to make her happy. However I'm totally insecure (maybe because sometimes *or better all the time * I feel like I don't worth as much. A better description would be that I live with the constant fear that she's gonna leave me or break my heart and at the same time I want to push her away before she does) \n\nThe problem (and what hurts the most) is that i don't really have a reason to feel that way. I mean she's acting extremely good in our relationship. Tells me she loves me and we spend time together.  \n\n\nI sometimes cry in her arms when I feel overwhelmed (pathetic I know) but she says she likes that i show her my vulnerable side. \n\nShould I tell her how I feel ? \nShould I break up and let her find someone less damaged ? \nShould I see someone, like a psychologist? \n\n\nPlease I need help, I'm tired of feeling this pain in my chest and try to act cool all the time \n\n*sorry for any mistake, I'm not a native english speaker ", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel.  My insecurities are just haunting my brain and causing me a lot of anxiety.  Maybe therapy might help to figure out these insecurities.  That\u2019s what I\u2019m going to try. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9lgmpi", "comment_id": "e76mwyz"}, {"question": "How do you let go of negative experiences (or turn them into positive ones)?", "description": "I've been noticing recently that whenever I'm in social situations, I increasingly become tense and negative worrying that I don't do anything awkward or say something stupid to create a negative experience. This happens so often that I start to worry days before an event and I hate it. I've tried mediation and positive reinforcement to block out those negative experiences but it always comes back the closer to the date that the event is happening. I wanted to know how you would let go of negative experiences and replace it with positive ones? Thanks.", "answer": "I can't let go of negative experiences.  I don't think most people can.  What's helpful for me is just changing the way I think about negative experiences.  \n\n\nWhen ever you succeed at anything, you learn very little.  You don't really improve at all as a person whenever you succeed.  Don't get me wrong, we all need to have some successful moments in our lives to keep motivation going, but I think whenever you start succeeding at anything more often than not, that's when it's time to up the challenge.  \n\n\nWhen you have a negative experience at least in regards to something you caused or did, you have the opportunity to grow as a person in a way you wouldn't have had if you succeeded.  \n\n\nAs a supervisor/trainer of new therapists who more often than not are scared shitless early on and feeling like imposters, I tell them to take risks.  Make mistakes.  Fuck up.  Then learn from them.  The person who never takes risks, challenges themselves in a way that it's not always going to work out in their favor, isn't growing as a person.  They're just staying comfortably stagnant.  The thought of that to me is worse than any negative socially awkward moment.     ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6ke9e", "comment_id": "ejl1zl2"}, {"question": "How to move on?", "description": "So I came to the concusion that she is just not that into me :( lol. It stings but their is nothing I can do to change this. Not a big deal time to move on, just one problem...\n\nIt is summer now, I'm out of school. I don't know how to meet people outside of school. I feel like finding someone else to talk to is one of the only ways to get her off my mind but I can't meet people outside of school...", "answer": "It sounds like you don't have a lot of friends, so you invested a lot in her which is now a problem since you realize she hasn't invested as much.   You might be served well by focusing on finding others in your area with similar interests and focusing on building those relationships.  I know that it's kind of generic advice, but there are a lot of posts detailing ways to do that.  \n\nTry to focus on making it as fun of a summer as you can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "290wu1", "comment_id": "ciggwy2"}, {"question": "My 24th birthday was this week. It's the loneliest I've ever been.", "description": "Other than my family, there was no one to care. I didn't even think *I* cared if others did, but *surprise*, it turns out I do.\n\n(TL;DRs at the bottom, I tend to write walls of text)\n\n​\n\nProfessionally, I'm exactly where I want to be: in grad school researching an interesting topic with great working conditions. I even just received funding to continue my project at the PhD level. I should be thrilled, yet, that doesn't even make me happy and that's where I have a problem.\n\nIt doesn't help that, for the last year, I had the poor taste of falling in love with my closest friend and chickening out of telling her until it was both unbearable *and* too late. Obviously that put a bit of a damper on things and made me realize that I don't even *have* close friends anymore, hence why I'm venting on here instead of *actually doing something about it*.\n\nLooking back, it seems that I managed to go through undergrad (and, to be fair, a good part of highschool) getting my minimal level of social interaction (which I didn't even know I had) talking to people in my classes and during breaks. Even now, all I want when I get home is to get some peace and quiet to either get work done or just relax. (I live with my parents and siblings, so it's not like I'm completely alone all the time).\n\n(**TL;DR** can start here)\n\nGiven that my situation isn't much different from a lot of what gets posted on here, I know what I'm *supposed* to do (pick up a hobby, go out there and *do stuff* where I'll meet people, maybe try dating if I can conjure up the patience for that), but between knowing and doing there's a step that I can't bring myself to cross. I think it's usually a matter of \"too tired\", \"don't feel like it right now\", \"I'm not sure \\[activity\\] and what it implies matches who I am, who I want to be or what I want to do\" as well as plain old transport logistics, with (dis)honourable mentions to \"I don't have time\" and \"not worth the effort\".\n\nIt doesn't help that I'm usually quite picky with people in general, so it's unlikely that I'll meet someone in a structured group/setting with whom I'll want to hangout outside of said group/setting.\n\nThen there's the extra difficulty of being in a linguistic minority: the default language for any organized activity will be English, but I find it's much easier to connect with fellow Francophones (which can be hard to find), as there's no need for that extra layer of translating language and culture.\n\n(**TL;DR#2**)\n\nBasically, knowing *what* I need to do (go out more, change mindset a bit) doesn't help me with *how* to do it, practically. I feel it's a bit like a \"If you want to make a sculpture of a horse, just remove everything that doesn't look like a horse\" situation.", "answer": "You can do anything you choose to do within your physical limits.  Your responsible for the actions.  Keep in mind, inaction is also a choice.  \n\n\nIf you want more friends, go out and get them.  If you don't know how, learn.  \n\n\nIt's easier and safer to stay inside, stuck in your routine and not do any of the things you need to do to get the social life you want.  In most cases, the easiest course of action is rarely the best.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b9hng9", "comment_id": "ek4oo0e"}, {"question": "Ive been an asshole to my crush.", "description": "I went on r/AmItheAsshole and so far all I got was a yes. I am. And im glad they've set my head straight. Basically me and my crush got into a fight. I was having a breakdown and tried phoning them but they didnt answer. I didnt know he was on another call so I assumed he was just blanking me.I got annoyed and all. We spoke and he said he didnt care about anyone anymore. Later I found out that he did actually care but lied to me. I snapped. I know what I did was wrong  and I know ive really screwed up. If I apologize he probably wont give one, i've tried. What do I do?\n\n​\n\nEDIT: Everyone who commented thank you all your advice has helped \\^-\\^\n\nHe forgave me and also said sorry. Were both willing to put this behind us and get on with our lives as normal.", "answer": "Apologize - but not because you're expecting him to forgive you, apologize because it's the right thing to do and because it shows you respect his feelings and you understand what you did was hurtful.\n\nIf he chooses to forgive you, great, I hope that happens. But remember it's his choice. You can't control what others do, only your own actions.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hqkurw", "comment_id": "fxyio88"}, {"question": "How to Stop Overthinking Relationships?", "description": "I'm the type that overthinks everything. I am having a hard time trusting my husband, and trusting the universe that my husband will figure out his drama.\n\nWe've been married for almost 6 mo. He came on a fianc\u00e9 visa for us to get married. Once he was in my house for a couple days, I found out his jealous ex-wife was puppy-eyeing him back to her (he and I met after they had split up). He was falling for her and her bullshit...which was nothing more than bullshit. She wants nothing more than for him to be miserable and single.\n\nI, an adult child of alcoholism, blossomed into a domestic violence survivor with two children. I'm great at making excuses for people while silently criticizing their anterior motives for days or weeks. Until I completely fall apart.\n\nTrying to do things I enjoy. Figure out things I enjoy doing...which seems to help both my self-esteem and realities to happen by themselves...without me obsessing them into existence.\n\nAny other survival tactics to just \"letting life happen\"....learning to trust a SO... or learning to stop overthinking?", "answer": "Trust has 2 aspects.  The behavior of the other person, and your internal decision that you will trust someone worthy of trust.\nThinking is over-thinking when it's no longer productive.\nGenerally, improving self esteem, and choosing trustworthy partners makes everything fall into place.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g51rs", "comment_id": "dinto3a"}, {"question": "Non-alcoholic Kahl\u00faa", "description": "Does anyone know if Kahl\u00faa makes a non-alcoholic drink? If, unfortunately not, does anyone know a brand of non-alcoholic coffee liqueur?", "answer": "Bailey's makes a non-alcoholic Irish cream that you can buy at most grocery stores.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "4vas4n", "comment_id": "d5xr2dz"}, {"question": "Odd question for doctors, maybe specifically urologists. I want to know about average penis size, what is \"normal\"? If you lined up 100 guys what would they look like.", "description": "EDIT: If anyone knows of any links to scientific studies showing the exact measurements of the men of the studies I'd love to see any links\n\n​\n\nI don't even know if this will be the right place or if I'll get any response. I wanted to talk specifically to doctors, and especially those that see a lot of naked men, so maybe like urologists. I have heard all the rational, I know size doesn't matter, I know men are the only ones that care, I know \"average\" size is like 5.2\" (depending on what studies you read) and that there are lots of flaws with studies done, but I wondered about a more REAL example. I also realize it's a bit flawed because what most doctors see is a flaccid penis, and flaccid penises vary WILDLY in size, and you got growers and showers and all that stuff.\n\nA bit of background on me real quick. I'm male, 28, I am 6'3\", weigh about 300lbs, my penis is circumcised, 5\"-5.25\" when erect, 4.25\" girth, somewhere around those dimensions. I have severe anxiety disorders and depression, and body dysmorphia, specifically revolving around my penis. I have very mixed up body expectations, and much of it has come from my pornography addiction (I'm working on recovering, and working with a therapist). So I've had pretty severe anxiety and depression about my penis, and even with all the rational facts I still struggle. So my plan is to collect as much real world facts and information and then I can keep reminding myself these things as I build a new self identity.\n\n​\n\nMy basic question for doctors, or those that may have an unbias experience with mixed random men, pretend you lined 100 naked guys up, what would the most common sizes be? If you saw me, a 6'3\" overweight guy with a 5\" penis, how would I stand out?\n\n​\n\nAlso is there ANY difference between larger or smaller penises? More pleasure for him, or less pleasure? Ease in urinating? More risks of disease? Anything?\n\n​\n\nAgain, just trying to rally up as much logical information to educate myself and work on creating a more realistic mindset.\n\n​\n\nThis is such a weird question lol sorry about all this. And if you feel more comfortable talking privately that's fine too. All I ask is no images please, images don't help my addiction recovery. Thanks!", "answer": "Asking doctors is not useful because we are rarely measuring penises. It's irrelevant for almost all medical care. But we can find information, and in a  [large systematic review of some 15k men](https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bju.13010) the average penis length erect is 13.12 cm, or 5.16 in. Penis length correlates with size, but not very strongly.\n\nExcept in rare extremes, penis length is not particularly significant. There's no way to study whether longer or shorter penises have more pleasure because pleasure is so subjective and any given person only gets to experience having one penis. There are no greater or lower risks of disease. It's hard to do rigorous studies on what sexual partners prefer in a penis, and those results seem to be all over the place. Women's stated preferences in penis size (mostly preferring width) don't even seem to track well with reported satisfaction (largely independent of size). A gestalt is that men seem to spend much more time worrying about this than women do; women don't care. (The surveys are all of men and women. Perhaps in the future they will go by genitalia and not by gender, but we use the data we have.)\n\nBottom line: you're average and have nothing to worry about, but you probably also wouldn't have anything to worry about if your penis were an inch longer or shorter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "helvmn", "comment_id": "fvsd9do"}, {"question": "Girlfriend\u2019s dad caught us having sex", "description": "I\u2019ve been seeing this girl(20F), I\u2019m a guy(21M). We\u2019ve been seeing each other for about a month now, and we went to her place to watch a show. We got comfortable and ended up making out, etc.\nShe goes home to her parents place occasionally to check in with them/take care of her dog. She didn\u2019t this time.\nSo her and I, being independent adults, stayed up talking, but her dad apparently was looking for her and came banging on the door (apparently he\u2019d heard us from outside). It sounded pretty derisive from the bits I caught (he definitely cursed at her). I care about her and want to keep seeing her, but she was obviously distraught from being verbally berated, and I\u2019ve never been in that situation before (yes, not even in high school) because I\u2019ve been living on my own for the last 4 years, so I never really had to worry about parents coming. I did my best to comfort her, but she clearly needed to go.\nShe\u2019s awesome and I don\u2019t want this to stop us from seeing each other, but it seems like she\u2019s having a difficult time with family and has been trying to reconnect with them even before that situation. I\u2019ve never met her parents seeing as how we\u2019ve just started seeing each other a month ago.\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "First and foremost I'd suggest talking to her about the situation, how you feel about it, and what you guys mutually plan to do about it.  \n\n\nDoes she or the both of you plan on confronting/having a conversation with her father over his reaction?  Do you plan on ignoring it?  How are you going to either handle situations like that in the future or how do you plan to avoid situations like that in the future?  Are you both okay with the plan?\n\n\nAt your age, whether a person still lives with their parents or not and how to navigate the situation if they are is generally a MAJOR issue for the relationship and needs discussing.  It can be a deal breaker for some folks and if it is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep4hmc", "comment_id": "feh1gou"}, {"question": "Weaned off of abilify/zoloft completely 2 weeks ago, having symptoms since last thursday that doctor is clueless about", "description": "I've been on meds for 10 years, I am a 23 yo male. Been on Abilify and Zoloft together for 3 years since April 2014, prior to that with a different psychiatrist was on Zyprexa/Prozac.\n\n I've been in the process of weaning off of both Abilify and Zoloft since April of this year, and my doctor said it was OK for it to be this fast. I saw him last Thursday morning, and later that day I noticed an itching sensation from head to toe. Taking a shower did nothing, literally the only relief I have been getting is from sleep. The intensity varies throughout the day. This morning it was actually the worst it's been since Thursday while I was in the shower. I have also noticed increased irritability and feelings of stress, but I don't know if it is a direct result of my skin feeling like it's crawling constantly.\n\n I wasn't able to reach my doctor until Monday of this week (2 days ago) and he suggested that I try Benadryl or some antihistamine. This immediately made no sense in my head but I figured, I have no other choice. I've been taking generic Benadryl every 6 hours since Monday and nothing has changed. My doctor told me from the beginning it would be \"unlikely\" that I experience withdrawal symptoms. He said what I am experiencing currently he has never heard of and is \"extreme\". I called him today because I'm running out of options and explained it's still the same, since he never gave me a timeline to work with, after I repeatedly asked him, and his only response to not giving me a timeline was \"It's unusual what you are describing, the only other thing I can recommend is going back on the medication or taking different allergy medication. Have you considered that what you are describing might be unrelated to the medication?\"\n\n He says this even though I told him Monday that the same thing happened to me before, several months before I saw him in late 2013/early 2014 when I tried stopping Zyprexa/Prozac cold turkey, under no doctor's instructions but because I was very sick then. The same itching/hypersensitive skin happened both then and now, under different meds, under two different discontinuation lengths. My primary care physician isn't available until tomorrow, and he doesn't talk to patients on the phone.\n\n If anyone has experienced something like this or something similar before, could you please tell me what's going on? I don't know what to do, and not about to self-diagnose myself just because my psychiatrist is not being super helpful atm. Thank you.", "answer": "Withdrawal manifesting as an all over itch is pretty rare, particularly if tapered over a number of weeks. Its probably a rebound dopamine reaction, but it goes away soon enough.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6k1d2i", "comment_id": "djinnbw"}, {"question": "Deal with stubble on the face?", "description": "Wondering how to deal with stubble on my chin & neck and the shadow that it leaves.", "answer": "I don\u2019t shave for this reason. I haaaaated stubble. So I tweeze or wax. Considering getting an epilator. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ac7c7b", "comment_id": "ed5zom7"}, {"question": "Lightheaded/dizzy when standing on new medications", "description": "24 year old white male. 5'10 and 170lbs. Daily medications: 40mg of Paxil; 300mg of Wellbutrin; 80mg of Propranolol; 10mg of Lipitor; 5 mg of Terazosin; Benzo (PRN- rarely)\n\nThis medication combo is for anxiety disorders, and before the meds I previously had high blood pressure (usually around 160/90mmHg+). My psychiatrist prescribed all of these except the Lipitor, and I take the Propranolol mainly for anxiety control, but it helps that it also helps with BP. I take the Terazosin for Paxil induced night sweats, and it works great (I started at 1mg, but it was not fully effective until I hit 5mg).\n\nMy BP is now around 100/60mmHG when I take it on my home device. Nearly every time I stand up, my vision gets a little spotted, I feel lightheaded, weak, and almost out-of-body slightly. \n\nI finally feel comfortable with my medication combination, but I am getting annoyed with the lightheadedness. I am not scheduled to go back to my psychiatrist for another few months, so I was wondering if anyone had any ideas in how to improve this at this time? Someone told me smelling salts, but that seemed a bit archaic.\n\nThanks", "answer": "The simplest intervention is to increase your sodium and fluid intake. That might be helpful.\n\nAnother thing to try is standing up slowly and tensing muscles right before and as you do so to try to increase the blood returned from the veins in your limbs to your heart.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8lyoar", "comment_id": "dzjhqgf"}, {"question": "I can see my 11 year old developing negative traits as he grows up, what can I do to stop this?", "description": "We don\u2019t have the best life, there\u2019s a gap between him and his schoolmates but I\u2019m not sure how significant it is. He\u2019s becoming dependent and materialistic and will do almost anything for attention. Most kids in his class can barely tolerate him (he\u2019s generally provocative, even I can\u2019t tolerate it sometimes), as a result he hasn\u2019t formed any close friends. He constantly chases after people\u2019s attention even if they treat him badly because of it, and won\u2019t listen to any advice. The list goes on, but generally speaking, what do you do if you\u2019re child is just, desperate for lack of a better word.", "answer": "Getting him involved in group activities at this age can be really helpful.  Team sports are generally good for this, especially if he has a good coach.  \n\nTherapy groups for kids focused on something he's interested in could also be helpful.  For instance, in Philadephia I run therapeutic Dungeons and Dragons groups for kids around his age that are specifically focused on helping the kids with social skills and other difficulties.  Depending on where you live, there are various groups around the country doing this sort of thing.  It may be worth something looking into.  If this sounds interesting to you, message me and I'll let you know if I know anything in your area as the therapists doing this around the country are a pretty tight community.  \n\nAside from that, just making sure that he has enough opportunities outside of school to make and spend time with friends be it from his neighborhood or friends he meets from any clubs or activities you get him interested in.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ed89g3", "comment_id": "fbgjqhv"}, {"question": "GP not convinced I have sleep apnea", "description": "24 years old, Male, 5'6, 150 lbs, Asian, Duration of complaint: 2+ years, relevant medical issues: High blood pressure/allergies/asthma/anxiety/depression\nCurrent medications: prescribed Trazodone but haven't started using it yet.\n\nHi, I recently went to my GP to discuss my sleep issues (trouble falling asleep, waking up every 3-4 hours, waking up extremely fatigued, waking up extremely fatigued, only sleeping for 6-7 hours maximum, waking up with an elevated heart rate) and I suggested that I may be suffering from sleep apnea.  I live alone, so no one else can really confirm whether or not I snore, but I thought my symptoms fit.  He told me that it is highly unlikely that someone my age and at my weight would be suffering from sleep apnea.  He suggested improving my sleep hygiene and prescribed me Trazodone.  I also brought up concerns over my difficulty breathing through my nose, so he suggested trying antihistamines/decongestants and/or melatonin + vitamins.  \n\nI have tried improving my sleep hygiene and have tried antihistamines, melatonin and consuming vitamins, but so far nothing has helped.  I am really at a loss on what to do next.  Should I consult another doctor for a 2nd opinion?  Should I just skip that step and look for a sleep center?  My GP told me that sleep studies are very expensive and that they would only help diagnose apnea, not any other sleep disorders.  Would it be more likely for my insurance to cover/help cover a larger portion of the cost if my GP were to request it?\n\nPlease, any suggestions/advice would be extremely helpful.  Thank you!", "answer": "I also think that it's unlikely to be sleep apnoea, but obviously I can't see you.\n\nMaybe some info here could help you - [Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5q8izr", "comment_id": "dcxbj9n"}, {"question": "Open Relationship Advice", "description": "Okay, so I think I went about writing my first post the wrong way. My girlfriend of two years and I are looking to enter an open relationship. She has found someone whereas I have not. We both still love each other very much but we are uncertain as to how we should navigate these new waters. We want to be together but this is all so new for us. I want to find someone/make friends with people who are new to this and could be going through this transition like I am rn. What advice do you have for someone that's new to an open relationship? What conversations should I be having with my girlfriend and what sort of boundaries are necessary for our relationship to grow. We don't want to lose what we have, but we don't want to turn back. We want to press forward and grow together. Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "open rel. rarely work. you have to have zero jealousy, which is rare.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yfy9s", "comment_id": "dmn4zb8"}, {"question": "I need to make a voting system for my school's film festival. People need to be able to vote on the movie that they think win without there being any errors or cheating.", "description": "Last year we used google forms but people were able to submit multiple people. It will need to be able to support a few hundred votes. What would the best system be?", "answer": "If it has to be anonymous, you could have them enter an ID # based on, say, a combo of their student ID and date of birth or something along those lines. I've seen some surveys ask me to enter, like, first two letters of mom's name, the two digit day I was born, and last letter of my first name. Just obscure enough to hide my identity, still unique to just me. I suppose people could still forge some but it might be enough of a barrier to stop most.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9dh1k", "comment_id": "fiqu26m"}, {"question": "How can I improve having an anxious-ambivalent attachment style?", "description": "I've read about attachment styles in a psych textbook. I did that because I have some issues with relationships and I've been trying to be more aware of how I myself play a part in the way my relationships typically happen. And I had a vague acquaintance with the subject, and I had a textbook close to me.\n\nI've strongly identified with the following excerpt, describing the \"anxious-ambivalent\" or \"preoccupied\" attachment style:\n\n>These adults are obsessive and preoccupied with their relationships. They want more relationship closeness than their partners do and suffer extreme feelings of jealousy, based on fears of abandonment. Their relationships have the shortest duration of the three groups. Ambivalent adults describe their relationship with their parents as less warm than secure adults do and feel that their parents had unhappy marriages.\n\nI am considering going to therapy and wouldn't mind being encouraged to do that. But apart from that option, what strategies are there for one to explore?\n\n**EDITs**: *just some very slight rewordings*", "answer": "Well now, this is a great question. There is some emerging evidence that family-based therapy (that targets the parent-child relationship) does shift attachment-styles towards secure types. While this evidence is with adolescents, in my clinical/anecdotal experience this works with adults as well.\n\nThat being said, going to therapy should help. Also there is an interesting phenomenon where people with anxious/preoccupied styles that are in stable/caring relationships tend to shift from anxious/preoccupied towards security over time (or they end). However, for this to happen it requires efforts form both partners and certainly helps if both partners can become aware of their patterns (an essential part of couple therapy)\n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "al2pg5", "comment_id": "efa87gz"}, {"question": "It's been a few destructive months lately. I simply cannot continue drinking.", "description": "I made my 3 year old nephew cry when I didn't show up to build birdhouses because I 'fell asleep'. Then I ruined Mothers Day and found this sub. I stopped drinking for a day and went back at it. This past Friday I got a DUI (I'm sorry to all motorists) in a state I don't live in and spent a few hours with, and hundreds of dollars to get away from, murderers and fellow addicts.\n\nI am leaving my boring, not-challenging job for a highly visible and important career in that other state at the end of June. I cannot carry this addiction into my new setting. I will probably face a license suspension which will be embarrassing enough to start my new career. I can't expect the company to tolerate the effects of my addiction and I can't tolerate them anymore either. I can't even socially drink anymore. If there is alcohol, I will drink it until it's gone or I pass out.\n\nI am successfully weaning off because I fear severe withdrawal symptoms. I'll have my last drink today for the rest of my life.\n\nI've lost religion many years ago but am considering attending church if only for that self-reflection time I think I miss and relied on in my younger years. With that and you lovely bunch of supporters, I hope I'll never need to reset my badge.\n\nHere's to better lives and lives WE control!", "answer": "AA worked for me, it doesn't work for everyone tho but I'd say it's worth a try.   I think it's also worth considering medications because the research shows that using medication increases the likelihood of success significantly. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3883p4", "comment_id": "crt30ru"}, {"question": "Should I tell my [22/f] partner [25/m] about my intrusive thoughts?", "description": "Throwaway account because he knows my actual account\n\nA bit of background: we've been dating for 4 months and he's an introvert who needs his space away from me, an ambivert leaning more towards extroversion.\n\nMy boyfriend and I have a schedule for when I come over to stay (fri-mon) so he can recover when I'm not around; totally understandable and I respect his wishes. We still set up dates every now and then on the weekdays I'm not over. As of recently during the times we don't see each other, the scenario of him breaking up with me just pops into my mind and I get sad for a bit, forget about it, then remember on some other day, and when we see each other it just goes away!\nI'm not in emotional turmoil over it but I am rather annoyed of its recurrence and debating whether or not I inform him about this intrusive thought because it could go in two directions: one, he misinterprets it as a sign of distrust and compromise our relationship which then I'd feel even more shitty and two, he reassures me just this one time and I never think about it again.\n\nI just want to tread carefully please help.", "answer": "there's never any obligation to share private thoughts. it's only relevant to share thoughts that are getting closer to action. we're all entitled to the sanctity and privacy of our minds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tzuca", "comment_id": "ddqacg6"}, {"question": "My SO is in AA and suddenly ended our 3 year relationship- Can someone help me understand what is going on? (X Posted)", "description": "My boyfriend and I were dating for almost three years. We moved in together in January and one weekend in April he was away on a bachelor party trip. I went over to his moms house and she told me she was worried about him- that he had a gambling addiction. This was the first I had ever heard about this.\n\n\nWe planned to confront him on the Sunday of his return and while I was at work before picking him up his mother found drugs in his room. When we got to his moms she had staged an intervention and he admitted that he was doing drugs (not gambling) the entire time (going on about 7 or 8 months- possibly more).\n\n\nI had no idea that he was doing this. For awhile I thought he was depressed and thought that was just really what was going on but he was actually extremely addicted to heroin. This was absolutely crushing to me. My father died from a drug overdose when I was 15 and this really hit close to home.\n\n\nHe immediately went to a drug rehab after we confronted him. At first I thought he would only be there a month but it turned into a 90 day program. I supported him the entire time he was there by going to once weekly therapy sessions with him and going to a drug and alcohol seminar for 3 days at the rehab. We talked daily and got to see each other a couple of times when he was able to leave on a 8-hour or weekend pass.\n\n\nBy the time June rolled around I thought that he would be getting out and able to move back into our apartment we shared together. When I went to the therapy session for the week he told me that he would be going to a halfway house for six months after he left to stay sober.\nI can't say I was happy about this decision- I would have to move out of our apartment because he would no longer be living there and wouldn't pay rent. However, I wanted him to do what was best for his health and what he needed to do to stay sober.\n\n\nAs of last week he had been at his halfway house for a month- which meant that he would be able to leave on his own when he wanted. Which meant we would be able to see each other more than we had since he entered rehab in April.\n\n\nWe saw each other on Monday and he talked about wanting to hang out on Thursday (I was off work) and how I should pick a restaurant we could go to and have a good day. On Tuesday night he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore.\n\n\nThis was a complete shock. From the beginning he always told me how grateful he was that I was supporting him. I can't understand why after being there for four months (and over 2 years together) that he can just cut me out of his life all of the sudden.\n\n\nI understand that while in recovery and AA you become selfish because this is a life or death situation. I have been to Al-Anon and heard what the people in there have had to say too.\n\n\nI am just so confused and hurt that after all this time it is like I don't even figure into his life anymore. I know that some people say not to start a relationship within your first year in AA but we have been together so much longer than that.\n\n\nIf anyone can give me some advice- or help me understand maybe what is going on with him I would be so grateful. This has really affected me and I just want some understanding so I can have some kind of closure.", "answer": "I wouldn't be quick to call this selfishness. I mean it may very well be, but I don't think you or any of us have the full story. \n\nIt sounds like there is more going on that we're not hearing and I don't think we're equipped to deal with the situation either way. I would look into actually workong at alanon because they can help you more than we can. \n\nI'm sorry you went through all this, alcoholics are a strange breed. My only advice is to be willing to talk to him and let let go of any resentments. Because where I'm from no one in the program would suggest to just cold shoulder you. The program is one of selflessness that begins on the selfish motive of escaping alcoholism. For me that quickly changed to being of service to the people my life.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1kdp3y", "comment_id": "cboilg3"}, {"question": "I\u2019ve had very bad \u201cacne\u201d on my butt/the upper back of my thighs for a while now (1 or 2 years?). Don\u2019t know what it\u2019s is or what to do?", "description": "Info about me: 16F 5\u2019 5\u201d 145 lbs no meds no drugs no alcohol no other issues\n\nIt all over my butt and spreads down the back of my thighs. It\u2019s mostly just normal-sized \u201cpimples\u201d but there are several very painful big ones, that I admittedly mess even though I know I shouldn't. I\u2019ve tried using my Neutrogena face acne medicine in it. The normal sized ones usually stay but the big ones come and go. I\u2019ve had them for so long and they\u2019re extremely uncomfortable/painful to move or sit with/super embarrassing so that I can\u2019t wear shorts or bathing suits without being very, very self-conscious and hiding, sadly even with my boyfriend. It's super hard to talk about, and whenever I try to mention it to my parents, it's blown off as gross, which doesn't help the situation. I don\u2019t know what it is or what to do about it. It's not STDs (my boyfriend has only been with one other \\[not sexually\\] and I have only been with one other \\[not sexually\\], plus not any similar symptoms) and it's most likely not diet-related.", "answer": "I get something similar from heat/sweating. It\u2019s a form of foliculitis and I keep an antibiotic lotion at the ready whenever I have a \u201cflair\u201d.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fc0bmm", "comment_id": "fj81x79"}, {"question": "ODD in Adults? Looking for some guidance", "description": "Hello fellow redditors.  \n\nI've had a rocky life, leading to an early adulthood full of mental problems and trauma.  Recently, I've work hard and pulled through most of it, but there's a conclusion that I have come to , and I need your help.  \n\n\nI am concerned that I have ADHD, or some form of Autism; my parents were not wise and did not get me any mental health checkups during childhood, and treated for different-ness with belts and switches.  I do know that I most likely have ODD (even though adults *don't* have odd, according to *professionals*) b/c I display several of the ODD symptoms.  \n\n\nI've managed to reel myself in to keep my current relationship steady, and I'm doing generally well with my friends, but this situation is rearing its ugly head at work.  \n\n\nBasically, as a 26 year old graduate, I don't feel that I need to have direct supervision, and I shouldn't be told what to do with my cell phone and earbuds at my desk, especially when my work gets done, regardless.  This along with ridiculous micromanagement and policy changes is causing me to want to drive my car through the manager's desk.  \n\n\nSo, what do I do to handle this?  My psychiatrist says there's a test for Autism/adhd but it's a little over 100 dollars, and I feel...that there shouldn't be a paywall for this sort of thing.  I mean, much of our American population is disabled in this way, and I feel we should easily be able to get help.  \n\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this and comment!  ", "answer": "If you're willing to go into greater detail about your difficulties, pop over to r/askdocs and a shink like me might be able to give you an opinion on it...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6hfpp8", "comment_id": "diy7b9b"}, {"question": "Might I have bipolar disporder?", "description": "Hi, I don't know if this is the right place to post this here but I'll try. \n\nSo I'm 19M, introvert, melancholic and I've never had any major problems in my life - family, friends, hobbies, my body...everything's okay. But like 3 years ago, for no reason, I started to feel really sad, hopeless and very pessimistic.   \nI lost interest in my hobbies - I stopped doing sport (this totally surprised me), going out, learning about some things I've liked, I even stopped playing video games.   \nSomehow it got better with time but mostly I'm not as happy as I used to be.\n\nHowever, like 10 months ago, I've noticed one thing - my mood started to change almost every day. I'm also a more sensitive person now. My mood changes very often and it's not like a bad mood when something happens to you, but more like mania and depression as I read. The mania period is never super crazy or something like that. The depression part is sometimes very bad.\n\nThe last couple of months became even more interesting for me - my mood really changes several times a day. Some days are crazy it feels like a rollercoaster. And again it happens for no reason, it also doesn't matter if I'm alone or not and the mania period, how I've mentioned earlier, is never totally crazy (big).   \nI read a couple of articles about bipolar disorder and there was always something about one state in which your mood changes daily or several times a day. Maybe it's called 'mixed episodes' but I'm not sure. \n\nI really don't see any reason why my mood is changing like that so I'm trying to figure it out.  \nCould this be a bipolar disorder?  \n\n \\- btw. I hate when someone says he has a mental health problem just for attention or because of it 'cool' or cause someone is trying to find an excuse. I'm just trying to understand myself like what is going on with me because I think it's very important. This whole bipolar feeling is ofc affecting my daily life a lot, so I wanna know if this could be some kind of disorder? Yeah, I should maybe visit a psychiatrist (Idk if it is the right term in English) but I don't feel like doing it right now.\n\n​\n\nThank you for reading, reactions, advice...  \nPS: Sorry for grammar - if there are some mistakes :)  \nPS2: Let me know if this should have been posted in different subreddit", "answer": "Also not convinced its bipolar - but it doesnt matter, its distressing you, and youre entitled to a professional opinion. Go chat to your doc.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "do7emn", "comment_id": "f5m3c4t"}, {"question": "13 years of serious joint pain with no acknowledgment from the medical community. What is it going to take to get my condition documented?", "description": "Age 36, Height 5'10, Weight 185lbs., race white, duration 13 years, no other medical issues, non-smoker. I take turmeric and fish oil daily, which have a significant positive impact on the pain level, and when these aren't enough, I take 220mg naproxen as needed.\n\nI have unmistakable symptoms of, not rheumatoid, but DEGENERATIVE arthritis in all of my synovial joints (feet, ankles, knees, hips, spine, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands, sternal region, and one of my SI joints). The symptoms are strictly mechanical: pain with physical stress, stiffness, and crepitus. I do not have the systemic symptoms associated with RA. This came on 13 years ago and has been slowly worsening over time. Although the pain in any one joint is no more than 2-3 on a 10 scale, having that pain everywhere is nothing short of miserable. The limitations it imposes have forced me to restrict my lifestyle and employment in ways that make me very unhappy. It pervades and controls everything I do. I am aware of it at all times, and my life revolves around managing it.\n\nI already know that under the current standard of care, there is nothing medicine can do to meaningfully treat my condition. What I need is to get it documented for FMLA purposes. It has taken a turn for the worse this year, and while I have yet to miss a day of work because of it, there have been a few days when I\u2019ve had serious trouble fighting through the pain. I also need a doctor\u2019s approval to violate dress code (for some reason, my joints seem to hurt less when not covered by clothing, and I would benefit from being able to wear shorts at work).\n\nTo date, since 2006, I have seen 19 doctors in specialties including primary care, podiatry, orthopedics, neurosurgery, PM&R, and rheumatology. Still not so much as a diagnosis. Instead of helping me, they have trivialized my complaints and dismissed me as a hypochondriac.\n\nThere are two factors complicating my situation:\n\nFirst, I have the OA independently in many joints at a young age (36), giving the situation the superficial appearance of being the systemic rather than degenerative type of arthritis. As a result, my interactions with medical professionals always follow the same pattern: looking at the superficialities, the primary care doctor always wants to refer me to a rheumatologist, who then wants to order the same worthless blood panel that always comes back normal. When the rheumatologist finds nothing systemically wrong, he dismisses me, often suggesting some form of psychiatric treatment, which is deeply insulting.\n\nSecond, the degree of cartilage loss is still so mild that most joints still appear normal on standard radiological studies like x-ray and MRI, which are not sensitive enough to detect OA until significant joint damage has occurred. In 2014, I asked the rheumatologist I saw to order a bone scan rather than more blood work. The radiologist report stated that I have \u201cmild radiotracer uptake in the knees, hips, feet, ankles, shoulders, acromioclavicular joints, elbows, wrists, hands, and sternomanubrial joints, is likely degenerative.\u201d The indifferent rheumatologist still dismissed me as being \u201cin remarkable health.\u201d This scan is now five years old and my condition has deteriorated significantly since.\n\nDue to the recent worsening, after five years of avoiding doctors and l, I just made another attempt at getting my condition documented for FMLA. Like every one before him, the PCP referred me to a rheumatologist, and ordered MRIs of three of the more painful areas: my neck, L shoulder, and sternal region. The neck MRI showed mild loss of disc height at two levels and mild degenerative changes in the facets at three levels. The shoulder MRI showed mild degenerative changes in the AC joint only, but not shoulder. The sternum MRI appeared normal, even though it isn\u2019t.\n\nThe rheumatologist wanted to order more blood work and I refused. He said that he was unsure whether the imaging I was enough to justify FMLA intermittent leave, but he would try. He wrote a letter to my employer that he does not believe my condition is serious enough to justify any kind of special leave. I saw another PCP a few weeks later; he tried to me to a rheumatologist, and after I said I will never see another one again, he reviewed the scans himself and said he didn\u2019t think FMLA documentation is warranted.\n\nWhat is it going to take to get acknowledgment from the medical community that there is something serious going on?", "answer": "You don't want to listen to your doctors. You also don't want advice here, and you have insulted doctors in general and posters here specifically for trying. I think there's nothing further to be said.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cs4lwy", "comment_id": "exdp1lu"}, {"question": "Why serotonin?", "description": "This might be better question for an ask a psychiatrist subreddit but I saw there isn't one today but I thought it would be good to get the opinion of therapists on this\n\nI know when clients go through therapy, therapy can be accompanied by SSRIs/sertonin re-uptake inhibitors as medication.\n\nTherapy is important for working through a client's thoughts and belief systems but what does serotonin have anything to do with improving the mental well-being of a client?\n\nI understand influencing GABA(inhibitor neurotransmitter) levels for treating anxiety but why serotonin?\n\nI think influencing dopamine levels(via herbs, supplementation, non-addictive reuptake inhibitors)  makes more sense. Dopamine generally makes you feel better(pleasure)", "answer": "Wellbutrin and Ritalin increase dopamine.  \nSeroquel does some.\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119521/\n\nThe medications that do increase dopamine are also more dangerous for overdose ( a consideration for someone who is depressed) .\n\nThey are also more commonly abused.  Ketamine works extremely well to fight (in my opinion,  cure) depression. Because of the possibility of misuse , however,  it is highly regulated .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fiw0o7", "comment_id": "fkkiidt"}, {"question": "New boyfriend believes he created the universe..", "description": "Hi everyone. I'm a new user here. I need some help trying to understand some things my new boyfriend said to me last night that have me kind of confused and concerned..\n\nSo a bit of background about him, he's 28 years old, he doesn't drink or do other drugs as he has addictions, but he does use psychedelic mushrooms on a regular basis (at least once a month) and I think that the mushrooms might be the cause of or possibly aggrevating factor to this..\n\nSo we were talking and I asked him \"why are you so mad at yourself all the time?\" Because I can always sense he's mad at himself... Well he kept saying over and over that he can't tell me... Finally I convinced him and this is what he told me..\n\nHe says he existed before the universe existed, and he kept saying he \"had nothing to do, so he had to do everything\". I asked what he meant by that, if that meant he'd given birth for example, and he said \"yes\".\n\nHe told me he created the universe and that he will destroy it, and the reason he is so mad at himself is because he feels bad about the things that humans to do each other, hurting each other, killing eachother. He somehow feels like he's responsible for that. He also told me that he has traveled through time...\n\nSo after listen to all this, and trying to get to the root of what he was getting at...I asked him when did this all start? He said for his whole life he's known there was something different with him, and then I asked him \"do you remember the moment you created the universe?\" He told me yes, he remembers that. But then he went on to describe a night when he was on mushrooms and \"saw all this\", not the moment the universe was created.I asked him if he thought any of this had a correlation with the mushrooms, and he said \"it's plausible\"..\n\nI don't know if I should be concerned, i think he genuinely believes what he told me...I don't know what I should do? He says \"he's not hurting anyone\" so it's not really a concern, but I'm a bit concerned fort myself. He had some pretty weird looks in his eyes last night, and I'm not sure what to think.. I should add he was NOT in mushrooms during the conversation and it has been about a month since he did them last.", "answer": "He had delusional thinking. That can become dangerous. What\u2019s to say this belief will cause him to minimize the importance of a human life after all? Minimize your well being? You\u2019re just a human in this universe he created after all. It\u2019s also hilariously narcissistic. \n\nDo what you want with that. He shouldn\u2019t be taking the drugs, and needs a psych evaluation. But obviously he would refuse to do that. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9a6auh", "comment_id": "e4t8rwi"}, {"question": "Friend is comatose, doctors don't know what's wrong", "description": "My friend's wife Bekah is 28 white overweight young woman. Bekah was put on the medication propanolol (propranolol) to treat a blood pressure issue in May of 2015. The same day, she bagan vomiting. She stopped taking the medication in about a week, but never stopped vomiting. She had a hard time keeping anything down for months. This constant agony led her to become depressed, and was prescribed the antidepressant amitriptyline. After a few days of taking it, she began experiencing extreme side-effects of the medication, including hallucinations and paralysis. She was transferred to a hospital where she asphyxiated on her own vomit due to staff negligence, and became comatose in late February. \nThe doctors have ruled out multiple types of illnesses and I would be interested in seeing if anyone knows of any specialists that may be on the cutting edge of either gastric/neural side effects of medications, or any other help. She is in Las Vegas. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Strange.\n\nCould there be a possibility that she was overmedicating (either accidentally or deliberately)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fy28q", "comment_id": "danztg6"}, {"question": "Is it normal for a Urology PA to try to prescribe antidepressants/SSRIs?", "description": "(Posting this again to fix some things that I needed to fix in this) \nAge: 24\n\n\nSex: Female\n\n\nHeight: 5'1\"\n\n\nWeight: 100\n\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\n\nDuration of complaint: urinary issues for about a year, suspected interstitial cystitis. Appointment was today\n\n\nLocation on body: urethra/bladder\n\n\nCurrent medications: N/A\n\n\nNo recreational drugs, non-smoker, non-drinker\n\n\nI had a very uncomfortable urology appointment today and while one of my doctors confirmed this was really weird I kind of would like to hear from other doctors unrelated to the situation.\n\n\nI went in because my gyno suspects that I have interstitial cystitis. \n\n\nI'd like to mention he's very very specific with me about what will happen. He knows that I rely on a really precise description of what the plan is (I have really bad anxiety and sensory issues). So it was weird to me when I went in and the PA immediately scoffed and said \"it's never interstitial cystitis. They just claim that and send you off our way\". Then she insisted on pelvic floor massage which I am unable to do and I said no to because my gyno and I went over all the options and he didn't think that was even on the board of necessary ideas. She pushed and said that \"I injured my shoulder and got pelvic massage therapy and it fixed my shoulder\". \n\n\nShe claimed she had read all of my charts and medical background and asked if I was taking anything for the pain. I thought she meant Tylenol and said no because it doesn't work. She then started listing off amitriptyline and two other antidepressants/SSRIs. Then cymbalta. I got confused and told her I'm already taking savella and she asked me \"what for? What does that do?\"\n\n\nShouldn't she know what that does? It just sent off a really red flag for me because those are usually meds that you need to involve a psychiatrist for. And if she had read my file and is messing with those kinds of meds why would she mess with my antidepressant that is package insert for pain and depression? She also would've seen that I'm prescribed tramadol. \n\n\nShe also got really snotty when she asked if I had been surgically diagnosed when I said I had endometriosis which also would have been in my file/medical history. It also seems like any message from my gyno she just threw in the trash pile and came in with her mind made up that he was full of it. \n\n\nI guess I just need to know what to do. If this is normal and she just was kind of awful then okay but it really didn't feel normal. Do I tell someone about this? Who do I tell? She told me \"then just go back to your gyno and see what he says\" and (as I expected he would) he's sending me to another urologist, I imagine he's wondering why there was a problem.\n\n\nEdit: she also asked me about a bunch of food and drinks, I answered honestly that I just drink water with an occasional soda and about my food habits. Then she sent me home with a list of food to stop eating and all of it is stuff I point blank told her I don't eat. I'm just really upset because I had to drive a long way to get there, do things that will set me back anxiety-wise for days and she didn't even listen to that.\n\n\nEdit 2: There's also the unfortunate fact that the more stressed I got by her ignoring me and getting really pushy the more I started to stim. And she decided the best thing to do was start IGNORING me (I was still speaking to her, just no eye contact and moving my fingers) and only speak to my mother. I was then completely invisible.", "answer": "That sounds like a mix of multiple bad things. There\u2019s a strong whiff of functional medicine (read: quackery) in massage for everything and weird food restrictions. There\u2019s stigma against psychiatric treatment and mental illness. And there\u2019s ignorance.\n\nThere\u2019s nothing wrong with a urology PA managing antidepressants if he or she actually has expertise in those medications, but that isn\u2019t what happened here. This PA might be right about it not being interstitial cystitis, but even if so behaved so badly that you\u2019d want a second opinion anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "co8ng2", "comment_id": "ewgpb5m"}, {"question": "Former roommate possibly screwed me and my credit rating. Also pretty sure he is satan.", "description": "WARNING: MASSIVE WALL OF TEXT. \n\nSo a little backstory: While attending (American University) using my G.I. Bill, I was living in a single-bedroom apartment. It wasn't bad.  Rent was good for the area, had a kitchen, washer, dryer, cable hookups.  All the things I needed.  So after a few weeks in one of out classes (chemistry, but that's not important) he notices my t-shirt, which had my last unit on it. \n\nI feel that I need to back track here.  He and I both were in the Marines. my MOS (military occupational specialty, my job for those of you who don't speak military) was Crash Fire Rescue.  I was trained to fight fires on airfields as well as provide medical aid to downed pilots, aircrew, etc.  There is more to my job than that, but that't the meat and potatoes.  His job was infantry. He was a grunt. For those of you who don't know, infantrymen, particularly Marine infantrymen, can be quite full of themselves.  There is a widely held mindset amongst the grunts that anyone who is a POG (person or personnel other than Grunt) is a weak, unmotivated, useless pussy.  \n\nNow that itsn't the case with all grunts. I personally know a few who, unless they told you, you would never know they were Marines, much less Grunts.  I digress. Once he saw my shirt, he came over to speak to me.  He seemed alright at first.  Typical grunt attitude, but I was ok with it.  You develop thick skin in the Marines, shit talk doesn't bug you.  It's all in good fun anyway.  Cut to a few weeks later, we had gone out drinking a few times, I had met his grandparents, whom he was living with while attending school, and he seemed like an alright guy.  \n\nWell one day while he as at my apartment, he comes up with the idea \"Hey. Do you think they would let you move into a 2-bedroom without breaking your lease?\" to which I respond \"I don't know, why?\" I'll skip the conversation, but the gist of it is that he was tired of driving 45 minutes to class and living in his grandparents basement (understandable), and I was open to the idea of my rent being a little cheaper and having someone else around, and it's all down hill from here folks.\n\nThe first couple of months weren't so bad.  A little bit of shit talk here, a typical roommate disagreement there (It's your turn to take out the trash, your dog peed on the carpet, please turn your TV down, etc.) Then it started to get ugly.  I didn't think much of it at first, but he would NOT pay his half of the bills/rent until I mentioned it to him.  Without fail, every single month, unless I said \"Hey, rent and bills are due\" he would not acknowledge that they exist.  So at first I think \"Well ok. He forgot what day it was. We were taking full-time class hours while both working part-time, so of course your days can blend together. Whatever.  \n\nI feel that now I need to give a little more backstory on this guy.  He had been to Afghanistan once, and his unit, who I will not name, had been involved in some heavy fighting.  He has a high disability rating through the VA but not due to combat injuries.  He is older than I am, and infantry is a very physically demanding job.  It can take it's toll on a body, some more than others.  At the time that I met him he had been out for a little over a year, and understandably had put on some weight.  Kind of hard to exercise when your knee barely supports your weight and you have the hips of a 90 year old man. \n\nI should also mention that this guy LOVED him some guns.  Now I am not antigun.  I own a few.  I like to shoot them from time to time, and I am a hunter.  This guy however, was what most people would consider a \"gun nut\".  He has more money in his guns than I have in my car.  Well about time of Sandy Hook, his true colors started to show.  I wasn't a huge fan of the proposed legislation, but I will leave it like that.  This isn't one of those posts.  Roommate, however, went full blown Patriot Revolutionary Conspiracy Theory on me.  \n\nStarted telling me things like \"You need to get an AR-15\" (at the time I didn't have one, because I had other financial responsibilities.)  He would start making a list for me (making a list FOR ME) of guns, tactical gear, survival stuff, etc for me to buy.  It was as if he was making the list for himself, but he was making it for me. He would have \"gun surgery\" time where he would add his new attachments, or upgrade parts of his guns, and would expect me to drop what I was doing (usually homework. I was a biology major) and come assist him.\n\nAfter a while I started telling him I wasn't interested in holding his new gun, or playing with his rifle after he put a fore grip on it (it's not THAT much different.) I told him it was weird that he was making lists of things I needed, and he would respond with weird statements that weren't wrong, but didn't address the question.  For example, when I finally got my AR, he comes into my room and says \"So I got a list together of what you need for your rifle.\" and proceeds to read it. (sling, optic, etc) and I was all like \"Dude. Wtf. Dude. No. What? That's fucking weird man.  \n\n\"What do you mean?\" he asks. \"Dude. Don't make list of things for me. That's fucking weird.\" I say. \"Well is it any different that what you thought you needed?\" He responds, a little agitated. It wasn't much different, but that isn't the point. On another occasion, he texted me about this modification that can be done to a pistol trigger to make it break cleaner (It sounded a little sketchy and I wasn't on board.) He tells me he is going to do it to my pistol, and naturally I tell him no, fuck off.  He says he is gonna do it anyway, because he needs me to be as prepared and have the most effective gear that I can have. WTF.\n\nAs you can tell at this point shit is getting weird.  I will now address how it was just dealing with this guy.  Have you ever met someone who had an extremely high opinion of themselves?  Imagine that, multiply it by 100.  This guy thought he was god's gift to the earth.  It was his world, and we were all just living in it.  He never missed an opportunity to remind you that he knew something you didn't, had done something impressive, or that you were wrong about something.  He would argue with a fucking stump.  Keep in mind that at this point he is overweight, in terrible shape, and his body is all but broken. \n\nGod forbid I mention anything to this guy.  Career plans, interests, opinions.  He was real quick to inform me that \"Dude. Don't join the National Guard and go to Ranger school. Rangers are fucking useless.\" or \"There is no point in having a two wheel drive truck. It's fucking useless. If you get one I'll slash your tires.\" Or my favorite \"If your dog isn't house trained in two weeks, she's gone.\" If my (at the time) 5 week old puppy isn't housebroken in two weeks? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE? \n\nEven just regular conversations with this guy were impossible.  I would get home from class/work and have something that I felt was worth sharing and he would respond with silence. \"Hey man, did you hear me?\" \"Yeah, that was just too fucking stupid to respond to.\" But damnit, when he wanted to talk, the whole world better listen the fuck up. At this point you must be wondering why I still lived with the guy. We're getting there. \n\nI mentioned before that he was a Grunt and I am a POG.  It is considered normal and almost required that when the two meet, the Grunt gives the POG a little shit.  Like I said, all in good fun.  I feel that I must stress that NEITHER OF US WERE IN THE MARINES when we met, and as far as I was concerned, we were in the same position. Both full time students working really shitty part time jobs.  Regardless, he continued to hold it over my head that he had seen combat (which I had also seen, though not to the degree that he had) and that POGs were useless (he seemed to think that quite a few things were useless). He also had a way of patronizing everybody about everything. He often times assumed that I did not know what I was talking about and would speak to me as if I were a child. My girlfriend slapped him the first time she met him. \n\nHe would publicly insult me, especially if he met another Marine who was a Grunt.  One moment in particular stands out.  We met al old Vietnam Marine who was also a Grunt, and he poked a little fun at me. I laughed, he laughed, roommate laughed.  It was funny.  I love meeting old Vets.  Well 15 minutes into this conversation, the topic had shifted to football (it was football season) and roommate is still cracking on my status as a POG every chance he gets.  I'm getting a little irritated at this point, because it has gone past fun and into just mean.  \n\nFast forward to about 2 months ago.  I was at the end of my rope with this shit.  It was like he thought I was his girlfriend and he was some sort or controlling abusive boyfriend.  I had had enough.  Enough of the insults, the weird list making, the clingy attitude (this dude never wanted to leave the apartment unless I went, and he would get pissed if I went somewhere but didn't tell him where or why).  I was fucking done.  One night he had pushed me pretty far anyway with his usual shit, so I was already mad.  Well my dog (who he didn't get rid of) accidentally knocked over his cup that was on the ground.\n\nHe proceeds to beat the shit out of this poor animal.  I lost it.  I spartan kicked him right in his ass, mounted him MMA style and started wailing on him as hard as I could. It ended with him yelling for me to stop and a while later the cops showed up.  We told them we had a little tussle, but everything was fine now.  He left me alone for a while after that.  You would think it would have been over. NOPE.\n\nHe comes out of the blue one day and tells me he accepted a job in a city about an hour and a half away and that WE would be able to transfer to an apartment down there. (It was owned by the same company or some shit.) I was a bit taken aback and didn't really respond with more that \"Wh-huh?\". \"It's all good dude. There is an airport down there, your certs are still good right? You can get hired on there.\" he says.  I am flabbergasted at this point. \n\n\"I'M NOT FUCKIN MOVING TO (city) WITH YOU! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WE'RE ON A LEASE HERE!\" He just kind of looked at me like I was stupid. Like I was the one with the crazy idea. \"Well dude it's better down there. It's by the ocean, you would make bank at the airport, and property is cheap there. We can both take out our VA Home Loan and get a nice place.\" \"DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK. NO. I'm not fucking dropping out of school to work at a damn airport.\" \"Well there is a (university) Campus there too.\" \"NO. NO. WHAT THE FUCK. NO.\" \n\nWell we eventually came to the end of this argument, and we had to break the lease on the apartment, which is expensive. He did not offer any assistance with moving my things, especially after I refused his idea of getting one truck, driving it down to his new place, then driving it all the way back to my parent's place. (because it would be \"cheaper\". Yeah. For him.) I mentioned that breaking the lease would be expensive.  We moved in and were given 1 month free for a year long lease. Well we had to pay that back, plus the lease break fee, plus rent for the remaining time (You have to put in a 30 day notice) SO basically 3 months of rent plus utilities and power.  \n\nThroughout all this drama I missed my enrollment and advisement window so I am not in school this semester. Incidentally I DID take a firefighting job but that is a different story. Now we come to the best part. I paid my half of the moving expenses the day we moved out. He said he would mail a check, since he didn't have the money then. Well I got a letter a few days ago stating that they want X amount of money by X date or they will turn it over to a collection agency.\n\nConfused, I called them.  Turns out that he had been dodging their calls, and never mailed them his half, even though he told me he did. He is avoiding my calls now, because he fucking knows I know. I had to work out an agreement to pay the apartments the rest in installments because I can't cover the EVEN MORE fees that got piled on to this. \n\nThis fucking guy. I swear. I am a pretty trusting person, and I am way to forgiving. I let this go on for longer than it should have, and now I am paying for it. It's looking like I may end up eating his half of the fees just to keep the collectors off of me. To think that this asshole has such little respect for me. I can't even fathom the words. It hurts. It hurt my feelings, and it especially hurt my bank account. \n\n\n\n\nTL;DR: Moved in with someone without really knowing them. Was treated like shit, ultimately had to post-pone school and spend a huge chunk of my savings just to be rid of the fucker and keep my credit score in tact. \n\nLesson to be learned: DO NOT SIGN A LEASE WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME. \n\nSorry if I rambled or if parts didn't make sense.", "answer": "Holy shit.  I'm sorry.  Sounds like a total psycho.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1k9rqy", "comment_id": "cbmrnvd"}, {"question": "Being a better college student", "description": "I'm not failing any of my classes but I just need help on becoming a more proactive and better college student. It feels like I can't ever sit down and focus, I always distract myself with other things (reddit)\n\nI procrastinate every assignment and then end up stressing the hell out of myself (already have bad anxiety) The assignments I do procrastinate are all shit(imo) when I turn them in. \n\nWhenever I do have open time, i always blow my homework off. I'm not keeping myself in check and I want to get back on track. What can I do To stay focused/on track and better my grades to be a better college student? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "The author David Foster Wallace was known to physically remove the parts of his laptop that could be used to connect him to the internet.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "231b5g", "comment_id": "cgsflzc"}, {"question": "Unqualified advice", "description": "Don't you just hate constantly hearing unqualified advice from different people like social workers and teachers etc. I'm also talking about \"Professionals\" like therapists and psychiatrists. It's always these coping tools that annoy me the most... i appreciate that people care but you really should be more understanding and caring versus trying to solve peoples problems. I wouldn't give a soldier with PTSD advice because I don't have any experience with such a trauma.", "answer": "As a therapist, it's our jobs to help people get better.  The overwhelming majority of folks coming through my door are coming to find answers to problems that they haven't been able to figure out.  Some people just want a sounding board.  If that's what they want and they state that, I'll listen, until I see that they keep repeating the same cycle of behaviors causing the problem.  If they want answers, I'll educate.  At the end of the day, a therapeutic relationship is still a relationship.  You're going to get feedback (from any professional worth their credentials).  On top of that, sometimes you might not like or agree with the feedback, too bad, that's part of having an actual authentic relationship, personal, professional, or otherwise or else you might as well just be talking to a brick wall.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6xg6pc", "comment_id": "dmfnpxr"}, {"question": "Being in a relationship is tough, so I made a list of stuff to work on myself to be a better boyfriend/person.", "description": "**Things to work on:**\n\n---------\n\n\n**Don't correct people on little things**\n\n\n- Help when asked is alright\n- Have a conversation on what doesn't cross boundaries\n\n\n\n**Don't dismiss how someone feels.**\n\n\n- You have a different perspective and history\n\n\n\n**Observe when a conversation becomes an unnecessary argument**\n\n\n- It doesn't matter that much\n- Being \"right\" is not more important than your relationship\n\n\n\n**Make sure to never imply that friends/family don't support when they do**\n\n\n\n**For an upcoming event, plan the day beforehand:**\n\n\n- Cost and how that will be handled\n- Do we both have the time for it?\n- Time spent there\n\n\n\nSomething that I understood a while ago but saw Terry Crews talk about it in an interview:\n\n\"**It's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time.** And what happens is you've been taught- like men have this thing like \"You must control your world, you control these things, and to be a man you must have control\" but you can't control other people and people get it mixed up.\"\n\n**\"-You  telling everyone what to do doesn't make you the boss, you doing everything thing you told yourself to do makes you the boss.\" -[Terry Crews](https://youtu.be/o7f1HVFpRPI)**\n\n\n------\n\n\nSome of these are just things I've grown up around and I don't know how much I've done of them but **I try my damndest not to be like my abuser(s), ever.**\n\nThe last part, I've always issues controlling myself and tried and tried and then I found out about my adhd and I'm proud of my progress.\n\n\n**We have issues with self control but, that doesn't mean we get to harm others. Working on ourselves is tough, not impossible.**\n\n-----\n\n**TLDR: Find out what you're doing that can harm your relationship with others and work on it.**\n\n\n\n----\n\nUpdate! I'm trans and my s/o has been so supportive & loving. We also got married. Now that I am getting better at fully expressing myself without having to Google translate my thoughts into the other gender, I've been able to continue to grow as a person.     \nStill working on my adhd stuff but the adhd meds & now the hormones have helped me so much with having the energy to function and having confidence in my self expression.    \n\nI hope you all are doing wonderfully.    \nMuch love, Mars", "answer": "I feel you with the \"don't correct people\". I do that all the time and I hate it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b3nk6k", "comment_id": "ej3s2z2"}, {"question": "Guidance on Farmed Salmon Portion v Mercury", "description": "I had asked [***this question***](https://www.reddit.com/r/nutrition/comments/56zazx/guidance_on_farmed_salmon_portion_v_mercury/) at r/nutrition, but maybe this is the better place.\n\n***tl/dr: Can anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day M-F is in any way approaching any of the Mercury warnings?\n***\nLast year I began adding canned sardines to my morning breakfast plate to boost my fish-oil, protein and Vit-A and hopefully mitigate some Seasonal Affect symptoms I had found becoming more persistent each fall/winter.\n\nAs spring arrived I experimented a bit and replaced the sardines with kippers.  Not a significant taste change, but overall I found the fish portion next to my omelette to be something I looked forward to more and more.\n\nMost recently I realized that for the same basic cost of the 5+ cans of kippers or sardines each week, I can buy 1 medium sized farmed salmon filet.  I then carve that into 5 equal portions and saute 1 portion each morning with my sausage patty.\n\n...but what about Mercury?\n\nSo far the simple Google research seems to indicate that \"wild-caught\" Pacific salmon are considered very low in Mercury and don't really have \"portion-restrictions\" with regards to Mercury.\n\nMy impression would be that \"farm-raised\" salmon would be better still having been raised in \"controlled-conditions.\"\n\nCan anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day M-F is in any way approaching any of the Mercury warnings?", "answer": "No idea - but I suspect that you are worrying about something that has relatively small risks to your health relative to the myriad of other factors that affect all of us in our daily lives.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "570kqs", "comment_id": "d8p9ufe"}, {"question": "Acquired alcohol intolerance?", "description": "I am 21 and I have been drinking since I was 17. I usually drink a couple of beers once a week or get slightly drunk at parties (once every one or two months). Never had any problems until two weeks ago. I only drank a glass of rum+cola and, although I was feeling perfectly fine, when I came back home like 3-4 hours later I had to vomit (it was rather violent and very unpleasant). Then again the same thing happened to me yesterday but I only had 40 cl of beer. I know the beer was of good quality because I drank straight from the bottle. I was also feeling perfectly normal, until maybe 4-5 hours later when I was already asleep and was awaken by the necessity to vomit (it was also violent and for half an hour it made me feel really sick).\n\nWhat are your thoughts on this one? I will most probably go to the doctor but just wanted to know how common (or weird) this might be. Thank you!", "answer": "Not uncommon - admittedly I can't remember why it happens. Your doctor will probably say you should simply avoid alcohol for a bit and let your body recover.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5310uo", "comment_id": "d7p8iq7"}, {"question": "I'm a 24 F who lives with a 24M. Does anyone have experience breaking up with someone they live with?", "description": "Hey guys. I've been dating my bf for 4 years, lived with him for 1. In the past couple months I've come to the really painful decision of realizing I need to break up with him. \n\nI love him a lot, but he has been casually rude/mean to me on a regular basis for the last year or so. Anytime I bring it up he acts like it's just my perception of things, he doesn't need to change his behavior, and I need to just deal with my feelings. It's been making me feel crazy for a while, and I'm sick of living like this. I've tried to talk to him about it seriously several times, but he always blows me off/doesn't take me seriously. I don't think he's ever going to change, to the point I doubt he's going to take me seriously initially  when I break up with him.\n\nHowever, several things. I've never broken up with anyone before, we live together, and we just got a new roommate a week ago. It's bad timing, but I don't really want to stay in this situation longer for it to be good timing. I've picked a weekend two weeks from now to do it because he's got a rough week at work this week/weekend, and I don't want to do it during the week so he's stuck going to work right after a breakup.\n\n We've vaguely talked about this possibility in the past. Since my name is on the lease our agreement was that he'd take 30 days to move out, regardless of who broke up with who. I'm willing to give him longer if he needs it. But since I've never done this before, is there anything else I should watch out for besides general shittiness/heartbreak on everyone's part?\n\nTL;DR Have you broken up with a partner you lived with? What did you wish you could tell yourself about the experience before doing it?", "answer": "I was in a very similar situation several years ago: dated for 5 years, lived together for about 2, and once the relationship was tanking he said he'd move out, as I was also the primary person on the lease and all the furniture was mine, in a relatively big apartment. He was also rude and dismissive.\n\nBut when I made the call to end it, he wasn't particularly interested in leaving. Most likely because I was making the final call, not him. He initially wanted to still live there as just a roommate, but after a week it was clearly a terrible idea. I had to maintain a very calm, polite, but somewhat cold approach and keep re-iterating that he needed to move out. We talked about how I could move out instead, sort of, but we both knew that didn't make sense. He would have had nothing in a huge empty apartment, and didn't really have the means to fill it with furniture immediately. There were lots of awkward discussions. It was stressful. Eventually he left. There was arguing over stuff, even though it seemed like all our belongings were clearly his or hers. I let him take stuff I should not have, just to get him out, not sure if that was better or stupid.\n\nEveryone reacts differently to a break-up, but I think your best approach is to be calm but very very firm on your boundaries. Set a plan and stick to it. GOOD LUCK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3ji1qb", "comment_id": "cupgn4t"}, {"question": "i\u2019m unstable (tw)", "description": "i\u2019m unstable, i\u2019m not depressed but i\u2019m unstable. At least i don\u2019t think i\u2019m depressed. It\u2019s just one minute i\u2019m laughing and loving being alive and the next i\u2019m shaking, slitting lines down my leg, digging my fingernails in my neck and crying. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t know how to ask for help because i don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t want people to see me laughing at the good times and just tell me i\u2019m fine and think i\u2019m lying about the other bad parts like every other shrink i\u2019ve been to has done. People don\u2019t take me seriously so there\u2019s no point in asking for help. I\u2019ve been like this for years and it\u2019s only now getting bad again. I\u2019ve been several months clean up until today. I don\u2019t know what to do. I feel fucking crazy. someone help me please", "answer": "There\u2019s an untrue assumption that most people have that you can\u2019t have two opposite emotions at the same time. That\u2019s bull crap, you can totally be happy and laughing at the exact time that you are in great pain on the inside. You can have moments of connection, happiness, laughter but still have depression. What are 3 things that you need to do to make your environment safe? What are 3 things you can do to distract yourself or take your mind off of this so that you can stop the spiraling thoughts you have? Try to do that, take some deep breaths. There is no shame in asking for help, and if a professional or a friend makes you feel shame or doesn\u2019t believe your pain, that is their problem and NOT yours! You deserve to connect with somebody who will see your pain, listen and validate you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "butjxo", "comment_id": "ephneth"}, {"question": "I need help/advice about my girlfriend. This is my first serious relationship I've been in and I feel like we're coming apart.", "description": "This is the first serious relationship I've been in. We've been together for almost a year now. And we're kind of growing apart. We've discussed it, and she just feels like we've been having the same conversation for months now. She says that she wants to talk to someone who doesn't know every detail about her life and who will ask her meaningful questions to make her think. I just wanted some advice on how I could turn things around for us. I guess maybe how to spice up our conversations so she doesn't feel like she needs to go to someone else to have a good conversation. Any and all serious advice will be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "Go experience new things together.  Hang out in groups of other people.  Broaden your hobbies and social activities both individually and as a couple.  This will give you plenty of new things to talk about.  I don't have the study, but I seem to remember reading that sharing new experiences is one of the main things that keeps relationships thriving.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2tql15", "comment_id": "co1gkvr"}, {"question": "how do I talk to people", "description": "I can only talk to someone if they have something I need.  whether I need to borrow something, or ask them a question.  \n\nI can't just strike up a random conversation with a stranger.  And there is no way in hell I can make a friend from that.  \n\nI just freeze up and stutter and just look like a fool.  ", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is basically exactly what you're looking for. Good luck, and don't forget to practice! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13x0hg", "comment_id": "c782s94"}, {"question": "Should I talk to my therapist about drug use? (British)", "description": "I\u2019m meant to be starting therapy next month (after about a 3 month wait - big \u2764\ufe0f to NHS). I suffer from depression and social anxiety. \n\nI don\u2019t really have a drug problem per se but I do every week or so smoke a few joints or do coke/MD and I always feel so horrible afterwards but can never avoid doing it. Can i talk about this in confidence? ", "answer": "When you get started ask them to explain what rights you have to confidentiality and what the limits are.  They should give you all the details of what and how they would have to disclose certain information.\n\nI'm not sure about confidentiality laws in the UK as to why I said that.  In the U.S., if you are old enough to consent to your own treatment (varies state to state) everything is kept confidential (including disclosure of illegal activity).  The only time a therapist would be legally obligated to share information with anyone else is if you either (signed a release saying the therapist could), stated you had a plan to cause serious harm to yourself or others, or disclosed information about a child being abused.\n\nHope this helps.  Honestly, it's always best to be honest with your therapist.  They're there to help you in the best way they can.  Drug experimentation, use, abuse, dependence are all going to have a certain level of impact on your ability to function and symptoms so it's important for your shrink to know what they're working with.  Best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "80qarm", "comment_id": "duxfs4k"}, {"question": "Question for Oncologists/Radiologists etc: There are products on the market that claim to block radiation from cell phones to make them less harmful. To your knowledge, are such products effective?", "description": "I\u2019m referring to the stickers that one could put in one\u2019s pocket, phone cases, holsters, etc. ", "answer": "The evidence of any harmful radiation from cell phones is scant and disputed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ez41q", "comment_id": "e5st9nj"}, {"question": "Is it possible for me [23F] to develop feelings for new guy [23M]?", "description": "So I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now. He's really sweet, thoughtful and caring. He's met my parents and is great with them. Very friendly and I have fun with him. But I feel like something is missing. I don't know what. I feel like sometimes it's still awkward and I don't know what to talk about. I guess we just haven't had any really deep emotional connection yet. I've always fallen for complete assholes and I'm tired of it and just kind of hoping something will change and we'll really find that connection but do you think it should've happened by now? How long should it take to feel that connection? I don't know what to do\nTL;DR: been dating guy for month and a half and don't feel anything for him. Could I still develop feelings for him? ", "answer": "it's possible. give it another month and see if deeper feelings develop. it's not something we can force.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgmhq", "comment_id": "dbns3lq"}, {"question": "The meds Zoloft and Lexapro and small dosage of valum made my sister crazy.", "description": "My sister came to my place seemingly paranoid something was wrong with my parents. She was convinced my dad and mom had something wrong with them/ there relationship/ there lives as if something new had happened. By the end of the night she was talking about being brainwashed by flushots. She's in the care of professionals but I feel lost and it's been a few days and she still seems to believe things that are not true. And I'm sad to see this I felt with this from like 4 on to like 3 the next day she was up and down memory loss upset and panoid off and on.\n\nPlease I need information she was on the Zoloft for a long time then ended up on lexapro then benzos for the switch? I feel like I'm not getting the info I need she's still out of it.", "answer": "Not sure what's going on actually. Not convinced it's psychosis in itself (though can't exclude it either). Doesn't seem related to the medication.\n\nHas this ever happened before? Any alcohol or drug history? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "76f9ox", "comment_id": "doe4dvc"}, {"question": "Should i up to 50mg of sertraline", "description": "Age:18\nMale\nSuffer severe anxiety and panic disorder \n\nHey my doctor prescribed me 50mg a day of sertraline and i decided to ease myself in by starting on 25mg as my body is sensitive and im very scared of taking new meds , ive been taking this for 4 days now and feel ready to up to the 50mg, is this okay to do now?", "answer": "In brief, unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, yes. It's common to start at 50 mg.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f01yem", "comment_id": "fgqzktb"}, {"question": "NewB", "description": "New to this, I drink every night and  I am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. I have often made any excuse for my drinking. I work hard, I only drink at home blah blah blah. I am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when I did not have this problem. I am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. I have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if I do not pass out I do not remember more and more.  I could go on and on. This is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "I hope SD is as helpful to you as it has been to me   \n\nGood luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "e7s4ldj"}, {"question": "Hospitalization gone horribly wrong", "description": "\nI had been seeing a therapist once a month for several years as a \"life coach\" to help me with various self-improvement issues. Although I sometimes felt down, like when I couldn't find a real job for 9 months after grad school, I was never formally diagnosed with depression. This post is a tangent to the excellent post today by violetcode, because it is my own worst ever experience.\n\nIn 2009, I became involved in a lawsuit that required incredible amounts of effort on my part; I was representing myself. I was unemployed as a result of action taken by the defendants, so I had plenty of time. But I went overboard; I ended up losing touch with the outside world after staying up for five days straight working on the case and consuming gallons of Diet Dr. Pepper.\n\nWith each day of no sleep it became more and more impossible to actually sleep. On the night after the fifth day, I had a full blown psychotic episode. This prompted my parents, with whom I was living during my unemployment, to drive me to my therapist for a meeting.\n\nRather than saying \"you are having a psychotic episode; what you believe is not real.  You need immediate help,\" they took what I would call a postmodern approach.  They said such things as \"So...tell us why you believe you are President of the United States. Hmm, that\u2019s interesting. Oh, you have a vision of the future in which you are crucified on national television? You're afraid of being seen in public while this is being broadcast? Guess what? We have the perfect place for you to 'hide out' for a while! A hospital!\" Me: um...it sounds like you're telling me I need to go on some sort of medication. Can't I just see a psychiatrist? \"Well, actually the hospital would be the best place for you in this situation because we can't think of anyone to refer you to on such short notice and your situation requires prompt attention. By the way, here is a power of attorney that will let us make health care decisions for you in the event you become incapacitated!\" Me: ok, I trust your unanimous professional judgment (Dad is a doctor and Mom is a psychologist. What are the odds?) and so yes, I\u2019ll sign the power of attorney and go to the hospital to \"hide out for a while\" until this broadcast blows over.\n\nWorst. Decision. EVER.\n\nWhen I get to the hospital, the ER triage nurse and my Dad sit me down in a tiny room. The nurse tries to get me to admit that I am about to kill myself or others. I repeatedly deny any such intentions.\n\nNext thing I remember, I\u2019m alone in an ER room. I'm in a gown and holding a large plastic jug. Evidently, they've told me to provide a urine sample. I can't manage to do it (I'm dehydrated) and it feels like a violation anyway. My Dad and a nurse come back in the room and ask why I haven't given the sample. I say I respectfully decline. They ask for a blood sample, to which I grudgingly agree.\n\nAbout a half hour later, the nurse comes back in and makes some vague comments about the results. I ask what she means. She says just take this pill and you'll start feeling better. \"Dad, do you think I should take this?\u201d \"Yes, son.\" \"Ok Dad, I trust you.\"\n\nSecond worst decision ever.\n\nThey gave me an instantly dissolving and powerful antipsychotic pill. Instead of having the intended effect, it produced the equivalent of an allergic reaction. My brain, already in an elevated state, soared to dizzying heights I\u2019d never felt before. This must be what meth is like. I had another psychotic episode, this time with the embarrassment of it happening in front of my Dad. The ER psychologist is blabbing about something or other (I'm having a turbo boosted firehose of paranoid psychotic thoughts that mow down all my other sensory input, so I have no idea what she says).\n\nI regain some composure and firmly grasp the rail on the side of the bed. I tell the psychologist this is bullshit-- I didn't sign up for this.  I say maybe I'll just get up and leave the hospital, because this is total bullshit.\n\nMy Dad and the psychologist excuse themselves and have a private conversation in the hallway. The nurse comes in a few minutes later and gives me another pill. At this point I'll do anything to make this crazy situation stop. I take the pill.\n\nThird worst decision ever.\n\nI wake up groggy in a moving ambulance with a sheet over my head. WTF? I lower the sheet and see an EMT. I say, \"how are you doing?\" He practically jumps.  I guess people aren't supposed to wake up from the knockout pill until later.\n\nI\u2019m wheeled into a different hospital. The firehose effect is gone, but I still have delusions of grandeur. This is the same as I felt earlier in the day before I went to the hospital. It must be late at night because I see no other patients. I'm given my street clothes back and sign some forms. More pills. I luck out and get a single room, and I peacefully go to sleep despite having visions of demonic figures.\n\nThen the real fun begins.\n\nMy next memory is finding myself in the hall in a supplicating position, as if praying, in front of the door to the arts and crafts room. I have a sixth sense that there's a portal to another dimension in one of the other rooms, so I walk in. I'm surprised to find about ten guys in there, all sound asleep. I flip the lights on and start looking at the ceiling where the portal is supposed to be. Not finding it, I turn off the lights, go back to my room, and fall asleep.\n\nI would later review my medical records and learn that at that point I declined all medication, which made the situation far worse. I started having the most incredible visions, like playing Doom 3 in real life except in four dimensions; traveling across time; finding power ups; fighting battles in Hell; meeting John Carmack; winning the Turing award, creating new words in the English language, etc. At one point I thought I was God and would destroy anything I looked at, kind of like Cyclops from the X-Men, so I kept my eyes firmly shut and had to be led around the ward.\n\nThe next couple of days are a blur. A noteworthy event was waking up in a different room. It's a single, but it has a video camera, the lights are on, and there are no light switches anywhere. I'm even more surprised to see my brother sitting next to me reading a book. He would later note in his log that I babbled some nonsense to him and passed out.\n\nMy next memory is my Dad and the staff psychiatrist appearing in my room. Dad explains the need for me to take medication. I take the pills.\n\nOn my fourth day in the hospital, I wake up and can form memories from that point forward. I come out of my room and finally see the other patients. They sound and look fine as they give their names at the daily \u201ccommunity meeting.\u201d However, when they get to me I am unable to say my own name. I close my eyes, put my brain in turbo mode, and try to communicate telepathically with my brother. This must be intense because I can feel the heat coming off my face and my shirt is wet. I must look like a ticking bomb, because some nurses approach and say my name rather urgently. I don't respond. I abruptly get up and walk back to my room and pass out.\n\nI start feeling better on day five. On the one hand, I miss the incredibly cool \"dreams\" I had been having. On the other hand, my rational mind wonders where I am. Someone mentions that the walking group is going outside today. I ask one of the nurses about going on the walk.  She says, \"well, I think you're here on an involuntary hold, so I'll have to check on that.\"\n\nOH NO!\n\nThis whole time, I had thought this was all voluntary. I voluntarily went to the hospital on the advice of a professional with whom I was voluntarily working. I voluntarily signed a power of attorney. I voluntarily participated in the ER tests. I voluntarily took the pills they gave me. I voluntarily jumped through all the hoops like a good monkey. And what do they do? They repay me with the dreaded \"5150.\u201d\n\nThe doctor and I meet. I give him a clear history of the stressors that led me to this point. I say I always believed this hospitalization was going to be voluntary, I came voluntarily, I have never had any intention of harming myself or others, and I\u2019ll do whatever it takes to get better. Next thing I know I'm signing different forms than I did initially, and these clearly state I'm voluntarily admitting myself and can leave anytime. Why didn't they give me these forms to start with?\n\nOver the next three days of my eight day stay, I get better and leave with a glowing assessment.\n\nUnder state law, a person can be 5150'ed for one of two reasons.  First, the person is a danger to himself or others. Second, the person is \"gravely disabled\" which means he can't care for himself in the real world. Luckily (relatively speaking) they hit me with \"gravely disabled.\"\n\nMy problem with the whole affair is the way I was manipulated into going to the hospital \"voluntarily\" and then changed to involuntary detention for no discernible reason. I mean, duh, when you give someone a knockout pill, it is going to gravely disable him and he's not going to be able to care for himself. The 5150 was also unnecessary, because I had signed a power of attorney in which my decisions were supposed to be made for me if I had diminished capacity.\n\nThe official diagnosis was \"brief reactive psychosis.\" A condition in which a person becomes psychotic due to a traumatic event or other factors but returns to normal functioning within a reasonable period of time. No underlying mental illness.\n\nState law says that having psychotic beliefs alone is not enough to involuntarily detain someone. I would have been better off politely declining the hospital and firmly insisting on a referral to a psychiatrist on an outpatient basis.\n\nIn conclusion, because I trusted my therapist, trusted my parents, and trusted the system to take the appropriate steps to treat my condition, I got fucked. Lesson learned.\n", "answer": "I don't mean to minimalize your experience, as I'm sure it was very scary for you, but honestly- it does sound like your parents and therapist (therapist or life coach? They are completely different things) did the right thing. If you were experiencing pretty severe depression and a psychotic episode- you weren't really in touch completely with reality, and hospitalization most likely was the best course of action.\n\nThat doesn't mean it can't be scary, and maybe the staff you had contact with weren't the best. However, anti-psychotics still have pretty nasty side effects, but they do make one lucid. You noted that without the medication you had some pretty serious psychotic symptoms. \n\nIt really does sound like your parents and therapist did the best thing for you. Afterall, you are no longer psychotic. If you had gone to an outpatient psychiatrist, A.) you probably would have had to wait a while, and B.) you may have discontinued the meds like you tried to do in the hospital. So again- overall, the hospital, while scary, was probably the best choice.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sapqb", "comment_id": "c4ck8w8"}, {"question": "My (M24) girlfriend (F24) wants to move in together but I'm not sure....", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for just shy of 2 years at this point and our leases are over in November. She brought up the idea of moving across town and getting an apartment together but I am really not sure about it.\n\nWe have a great relationship, loving, supportive, really, truly, we click. The problem is that I really like having my space. \n\nThat's not to say I don't want to move in with her eventually but that wasn't in the plans for at least another year.\n\nAt what point in your relationship was it time to move in together? We're there signs? A certain amount of time together? \n\nTLDR: when is it time to move in together and when did you know? ", "answer": "after 2 years people are usually ready for the next step. you have to ask yourself what you really feel and want from this rel. and be honest with her if there's no future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b3xnq", "comment_id": "dhjjwqw"}, {"question": "So I gambled away $400 tonight", "description": "Would meds stop me from needing that kind of rush? When I have been on meds I haven't gambled anywhere near as much or felt urges to gamble.", "answer": "Depends on the medication.  Antidepressants might help curb the desire to escape the depression through gambling.  The \"rush\" is a different experience though, and mood stabilizers like lithium or other meds often prescribed for bipolar symptoms might help curb the urges/cravings, especially if one is feeling manic in other ways.\n\nInterestingly, some research demonstrates *Naltrexone* and *N-Acetyl cysteine*(over the counter!) can be helpful in affecting gambling urges. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1b8f7r", "comment_id": "c94nssf"}, {"question": "Patient program options?", "description": "I have been in in-patient programs at both public and private facilities. This is not something I would like to do again (due to personal reasons, and the fact that it has not been effective for me). \n\nHowever, I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a community in-patient program? \n\nAlthough expensive, it seems like a better option than laying at home wishing for death. I take medication daily, see a psychologist and psychiatrist regularly, and do my best to engage in life (when I can get out of bed).\n\nIf anyone has ever done something like this before, could you please share your personal experience? \n\nThanks", "answer": "Look into intensive outpatient programs (IOPs). They meet several times a week for therapy, but you get to go home at the end of the day. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "115j17", "comment_id": "c6jmyoh"}, {"question": "Is the primary doctor allowed to order the blood test?", "description": "My dad\nage: 62\nlocation: USA, WA, Bellingham\napproximate height & weight: 5'9\", 230 lbs\ngender: male\nmedications you take: metformin\nsmoking status: non-smoker\nprevious and current medical issues: pre-diabetes, blood clot in leg, chronic cough, prostate cancer\nduration and location of complaint: 5+ years? prostate\n\n...\n\nThe question is whether his primary doctor (PCP) is allowed to order the \"4K\" test for prostate cancer.\nHis medical insurance says his primary doctor is allowed, and the test is covered.\nThe place that makes the test says that **any** doctor is allowed to order the test.\nThe doctor's office says that his doctor is **not** allowed because dr is not licensed (for oncology?).\nHe was referred to a specialist, and has already taken the \"4K\" test with the specialist, but he doesn't have the money to pay for an appointment with the specialist at this time, and won't for the foreseeable future. The doctor's office has been informed of this.\n\n\n...\n\nCan I get any clarification on this issue in this sub, or does it belong in legal advice, or financial advice, or some other sub? Who is right?\n\nThanks\n\nEDIT: This is for a second 4K test after 6 months time, for tracking purposes. He opted not to get surgery after finding that the test isn't necessarily a conclusive indication of cancer and he says he feels perfectly fine.", "answer": "I don't even know what allowed means here. Legal, insurance, and clinic policy can all disagree. In any case, there's an obvious solution: it looks like your dad already had the test done and the specialist he can't afford to see again has the results. Fortunately, doctors can share records with each other \\(probably once your dad signs consent\\). Problem solved without a redundant test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gls78", "comment_id": "dycr2bp"}, {"question": "Reporting rape on a college campus?", "description": "Has anyone had any experience with this? I'm at the crossroads on whether I go forward, and if the investigation comes to rape; then my rapist will be expelled. I'm absolutely terrified of retaliation, and so unsure of what to do.", "answer": "I am also a former college administrator, and while what the other poster says is true, it's also not the whole story.  The college's priority is protecting itself from lawsuits-- that means a lot of things that won't seem fair might happen.  For example, if you are in the same dorm as the person who perpetrated against you, you would be the one who is asked to move if you don't want to be in the same vicinity, because nothing is yet proven against the perpetrator. Similarly for classes, etc.  A no contact order can be put in place, but that often won't help with the more insidious friend-of-a-friend harassment.\nBe prepared for a lot of people to question your account of things, and if your school's judicial board is not well trained (many are not-- in fact, most) they will ask questions that are invasive and down right victim blaming. \nThe process will likely be lengthy, and even if your perpetrator is found guilty, that doesn't necessarily mean expulsion-- often it can mean a suspension until the victim graduates, a suspension for a year, etc. \n\nI don't say this to discourage you from reporting, but rather to give you a realistic perspective. The school's priority is itself, not you, I am VERY sorry to say.  \n\nThis issue is why I'm a FORMER college administrator-- I found the way they handled assault and harassment cases horrible, and I couldn't in good conscience continue.\n\nYou may also want to check and see if your school is one of the many that is being investigated under title 9 (which covers sexual assault):http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/us-department-education-releases-list-higher-education-institutions-open-title-i\n\nFeel free to PM me if you think it would be helpful.\n", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2eagvi", "comment_id": "cjy3zis"}, {"question": "I have a couple of questions.", "description": "\nDo therapists see therapists? Is a requirement for them? If they see someone, can they disclose patients they may struggle with? Can they discuss patients? I ask because my therapist once mentioned in passing, \u201cI said that to my therapist \u201c.  That took me by surprise. \n\nI get the idea of transference, but how acceptable is it? Do I really need to share with my therapist thoughts/feelings/fantasies I have? If it is recommended, how do I bring it up?\n\nThank you", "answer": "Yes a lot of therapists see therapists. It might be required some where, but idk where....would be a good idea though.  Therapists might talk about clients, but never giving any identifying info it\u2019s also all covered under confidentiality so whatever your T talks about regarding clients is all confidential with their therapist. It\u2019s more in terms of things they are stressed or struggling with in working with a client or clients. If something the client talked about brought something up for them or they are worrying about something they said to a client that they wish they had said differently etc. Basically more about how clients impact them or what comes up with things clients talk about (e.g., therapist who has trauma may react or have an internal feeling come up when with a client who is talking about similar trauma).  \n\nThere is helpful transference and unhelpful transference. Are you talking about feelings and fantasies of your therapist? It depends how you feel about sharing this information and if you think it would be helpful for you to disclose that.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ezl36b", "comment_id": "fgo4c0f"}, {"question": "Should my therapist lose her license?", "description": "So I emailed my therapist that I was thinking about suicide. Her response was that I should go back to my old therapist, and to give me a crisis number. I then responded that I was going to kill myself. She never responded. I thought she'd call 911. Is this grounds to get her license revoked?", "answer": "Probably not grounds  to get her license revoked,  but depending on the circumstances,  could possibly be grounds for a complaint and disciplinary action. \n\nIf this is a DBT treatment or you had a safety contract, or you have told her this before, giving you the crisis line number is sufficient.  In my state , I am not required to call 911 for this . Different licenses have different rules. You can check your state board to see exactly what her rules are.\n\nIf you filed a complaint,  she could simply point out that you are alive , and she gave you a resource. She could also argue that calling 911 could have created more problems for you - police storming into your home, a possibly unnecessary psychiatric hold, being taken to the hospital in a police car.  Many people find these circumstances much more traumatic than calling a line equipped to make a safe plan. \n\nOf course , calling 911 is the right call sometimes. There are times it is necessary and the only right choice . It should still be taken very  seriously to avoid harm.\n\nThis is a recent story about a woman who died after 911 was called to respond to a mental health crisis:\n\nhttps://www.kiro7.com/news/local/mother-5-dies-after-4-days-solitary-confinement/7Q23I5RYPNB6RKV2BWI6MYDLVM/?fbclid=IwAR0AqJpVkVbpMAYEFN8ZmUELuutIB5OhgAeAvtvMtRW9P8bdDe0o24C4nB8", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f5e0ew", "comment_id": "fhy7gzt"}, {"question": "does anyone else hate 'trigger warnings'?", "description": "As someone with PTSD does anyone else think the whole trigger warnings idea is rubbish?\n\nLots of small, tiny things trigger me  - some make no sense at all like a colour or a smell. Yet someone can mention something more related to the cause of my PTSD without it affecting me.\n\nI Am not some fragile individual who needs too to be protected. I want to get over this PTSD and everyone walking on eggshells won't help and is patronising", "answer": "I've never needed trigger warnings either, but I acknowledge then that they are not for me but for the people who do benefit from them.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "259t6b", "comment_id": "chfd9uu"}, {"question": "How to be a more likable person/act more rationally?", "description": "I'm an introvert. When I do hang out with other people however, I tend to start saying stupid things without thinking and act weirdly (Its almost as if I don't care about what others think). I don't behave like this when I am alone and only start acting like this when I'm around a group of people that I am acquainted with, but this has led to some people disliking me and also make me seem very immature/dumb. It feels like I have a split personality almost, and when I'm alone i start reflecting on what I've done and what I've said and start to cringe like crazy. How do I be more cool headed like when I'm alone and therefore be a more likable person who actually acts like he cares about others when I actually do?\n\nIs there anybody out there who has the same problems as me? How do I behave like how I want myself to behave?", "answer": "Often people who are socially isolated have an unmet need to connect with others. Many of these people have either a dismissive or an avoidant attachment style.  Your style of attachment is acquired very young, before you can talk and it usually matches your primary caregivers.  Attachment regulates our emotions.  When you have others who know your feelings and whose feelings are known to you, you are calmer and less reactive.  This is the healing, calmative power of love.  Love is in large part the combination of interest and approval.  To better connect with others show interest in them and then show your approval in the good that they do or empathy for the harm that was done to them.  As you feel begin to feel accepted you will feel less pressure to be known.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8vorip", "comment_id": "e1plhh1"}, {"question": "My Blood test. any advice please...", "description": "HI, there is my blood test results and some of results are not match to reference interval. It isn't made in US, but i think DOCs can understand.\nI am male, 27. taking gabapentin, and phenibut or baclofen(for anxiety). Thank you!\n\nhttps://s30.postimg.org/fqsxnmr4h/213.jpg", "answer": "My Georgian isn't good , but it looks pretty normal. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5npoe3", "comment_id": "dcduvcb"}, {"question": "How will therapy stop my suicidal thoughts?", "description": "I don\u2019t act on them, but I get them everyday. Psychiatrist told me to go to a therapist but I\u2019m curious how is someone going to stop my thoughts? Is it a thinking process? I\u2019m genuinely curious because that\u2019s my only hope.", "answer": "There are lots of ways that therapy , in combination with reduce your suicidal thoughts. The exact way will depend on the type of therapy you get and the reason you feel that way.\n\nSome ways it could help is by changing your thinking patterns,  processing and dealing with the problems that underly your thoughts, and  increasing your coping skills . \n\nGood luck , I am glad you are getting help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "glt8z8", "comment_id": "fqzudgs"}, {"question": "Why don\u2019t people closest to you notice signs?", "description": "Been sleeping from approximately 5am-2pm these past 2 weeks since school is out and I won\u2019t actually do anything (eat, get ready, go out) till like 5pm\n\nBackground: I\u2019ve talked to my dad multiple times about seeing a psychologist for multiple issues, he just agrees but doesn\u2019t really help further to find one\n\nMy question is: isn\u2019t an extremely shifted sleep schedule, or even lack of sleep (I didn\u2019t even sleep at all tonight, it\u2019s 7am) a completely clear sign that something is wrong? Or even suggesting I need a psychologist in the first place? Why don\u2019t people worry until it\u2019s too late?\n\nIdk if this makes sense, was just wondering why humans tend to not reach out for the correct reasons (I know I\u2019ve definitely done this towards friends who\u2019ve shown clear signs of struggle)", "answer": "It's possible he's waiting for you to be more direct.  Mental health is a really touchy subject for some people.  He may be afraid of upsetting you by talking about it.  \n\n\nI'm curious.  If you know that you need it, why are you waiting around hoping that your father picks up on the signs?  Why not just go get help or be straight forward with him and say \"This is what I need and I need you to help me figure out how to get it.\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "bohutl", "comment_id": "enhq0xb"}, {"question": "Why does a drug addict tend to be compulsive about other things beyond just drugs?", "description": "I think it has to do with transfering the addiction and behavior pattern, but I'd like a more elaborate answer.\n\nI know someone who struggles with adiction to cocaine and is also compulsive about sex.\n\nHe's not an offender, of course, but he never refuses sex, sometimes seems to drown his sorrow in compulsive sex, and thinks almost every woman he meets wants to have sex with him. That's like this with all of his female friends, he has a \"crush\" on all of them at some point, but then respectfully gives up on it once he realizes it's just his mind.\n\nAnd he tends to act obssessive sometimes when he's involved with someone and overly focused on it. Like he's in a rush of violent energy. He once told me he was thinking of suicide just because his crush said she couldn't go out with him that day.\n\nHe's trying to treat this, but it may seem too hard to resist.", "answer": "You may want to search \"sensation seeking \" and see if it fits.  Many people who are sensation seeking struggle with impulsive behavior in other areas.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h8o8yg", "comment_id": "fus0lbs"}, {"question": "I'm [27F] struggling to decide whether to end my relationship with fiance [28M].", "description": "We\u2019ve been dating for 4 years, previously friends. We\u2019re compatible, friendly with one another, etc. But we\u2019ve always struggled with intimacy - both of us want more, but it\u2019s hard for me to feel the spark. I\u2019ve been in a high-stress work environment for the past couple years, which could be part of it, but I also think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve lost attraction for him.\n\n\nSince we\u2019ve started dating I\u2019ve been really focused on growing my career and my personal goals. He\u2019s had a stagnant job that didn\u2019t provide much stimulation, and also doesn\u2019t pursue much outside of it. He cites unhappiness, but hasn\u2019t been willing to change.\n\n\nBecause of this, I always feel like I\u2019m the one bringing something new - like places to go, or events around my friends / social circles - to the table. He\u2019s always along for the ride, and super supportive of me. I don\u2019t mind sharing my life, but wonder what it would be like if we were both contributing. He\u2019s mentioned how he\u2019d enjoy being a SAHD, but that\u2019s not what I envisioned for my relationship.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve done counseling. We got un-engaged, then engaged again, to relieve pressures. A year ago, we moved away, which has given us more space/time to focus on ourselves and each other. But this hasn\u2019t improved. Moving away has made it harder for me to feel comfortable in this \u2013 so maybe I should give it time \u2013 but i don\u2019t think it\u2019s encouraged him to explore his wants/needs.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve talked, a lot. He knows I\u2019m confused as to what to do next. He doesn\u2019t want me to leave, and expresses that all he needs is me. He also said that he thinks he may be depressed, and maybe he needs to get help. This is something I\u2019ve only just started to wonder internally, but has never been acknowledged between us.\n\n\nI\u2019m torn. I know this isn\u2019t a no-deal issue in a relationship. I feel lucky to have what I do now. But I\u2019m not sure this is a normal feeling / dynamic for relationships. And I feel guilty that despite his support I\u2019m not attracted to this. Has anyone come across this? How did you proceed?\n\n\ntl;dr: My fiance and I have been struggling for the past 2 years. How do I know when to walk away?", "answer": "go to couples counseling. in three months the answer will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ompl6", "comment_id": "dckhepj"}, {"question": "Question for people with anxiety what do you guys like about it if anything?", "description": "I am doing a project and was curious about what you guys love and hate about having anxiety?", "answer": "I don't particularly like anything about social anxiety, with the exception that I'm also a bit of a thrill seeker.  Performing music live sends me to a near panic attack, but I roll with it, get into a flow state, and it's one of the best natural highs I've been able to experience.  \n\n\nGeneral anxiety while never feels good is what motivates me get done the things I need or want to get done but generally don't feel like doing.  The only way to relieve the anxiety caused over unfinished business is to finish it.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9f92zn", "comment_id": "e5uqbca"}, {"question": "Meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "But didn't! She asked how I was doing and I answered her truthfully.... But omitted what was really weighing on me. Idk why. She followed off of what I did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.\n\nWhat's really on my mind: I recently reconnected with someone I used to hookup with. He gave me a blank check for where to take things. I think?? I like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. So I've been fussing over how to handle things.\n\nI have a sense of how I want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. I even second guess the best manner to tell him what I have in mind (in person, or over text). In the end, I figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. So I switched to telling him I'd describe it to him later today over text.\n\nOverall I'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. It's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as I can tell (even if he's open to dating, which I'm second guessing).. whereas when I like someone I get super psyched out (if you can't tell).\n\nI'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). Which is why I've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" And if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. But intentionally dating is scary to me. For risk of rejection I suppose.\n\nI want everything to be chill but I'm just not. Chill. Lol :')", "answer": "Sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. If you were my client (I\u2019m a therapist), I might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. And figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure. \n\nMost people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. This is why things change. If people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. The other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. Let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the You you think they want. Am I making sense?\n\nYou may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then I\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. Best of luck! New relationships can be fun! You can always go in with I\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "eezd56a"}, {"question": "I'm a [21 Year old Male] looking for major relationship advise/help!!!", "description": "Hey everyone, so before I start this whole post I just want to say that I am totally the one in the wrong in this situation. I just need help getting out. I am not looking to being \"roasted\" or poked at over this. I've literally stressed about this for MONTHS.\n\nAnyway back to the story. I'm a 21 year old Male. I've been mostly single for my life. I don't think I'm a terribly bad looking guy, just an average guy who is pretty picky about girls, I never really wanted to date any girls I didn't find attractive, or ones I found that I had conflicting personality issues. I felt it would be better to \"wait for the right one\" than to just have sex, and waste time with one that I didn't plan to have a future with. \n\nIn January of 2015 I began to get a little depressed because I couldn't find a girl, I knew it was just my \"standards\" were to high, but I swore to myself I would never settle for a girl that I didn't truly love.  Around that time a few buddies had a little party and there was this girl there who was nothing like me. A high school drop out, she smoked, she wasn't even that attractive to me. We talked a little bit and did sexual things.  Fast forward two years later, we talk every day and I'm in a relationship with this girl, which is incredibly messed up I know. Most days I don't find her attractive, (I know looks aren't everything) and although I do have good times with her sometimes, and even talk about a future with her, I feel like it's just getting to a point where I'm spending too long with a girl I don't genuinely love, although I tell her I love her.\n\nThe obvious statement would be \"well just dump her.\" I can't. I don't know why, it's just something in my head, I'm used to her, and I would be broken without her, and I don't know why. I don't think I love her, and most days when I see her I'm not even that into her. We have a decent relationship, she treats me nice and is a good person, she's just not for me I don't think.\n\nDoes anyone else have an issue like this? ", "answer": "you're with her because you don't want to be alone. but you're not happy with her.  when you're starving, macdonald's tastes pretty good; when you're no longer starving, you say \"why did i just eat that\"?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oenvd", "comment_id": "dcit4u5"}, {"question": "Did our Paediatrician Breach Confidentiality? 2nd repost", "description": " \n\nThis happened yesterday. I Went to see my daughter's  Paediatrician about a sensitive issue. My daughter was with me and i told her i wanted to have a private talk with the doc. She wanted to know what it was about, agreed on a couple off-limits topics, and she agreed that she would be embarrassed to be in the room.\n\nI had my talk with the doctor, beginning with an explanation about why i sent my daughter out. The topic was definitely a sensitive one for my daughter. Something she is very ashamed of and doesn't want to get help with. Doc and I agreed on a game plan and brought my daughter in for the rest of the appointment.\n\nAfter examining her the doc said to my daughter \"i am your doctor and everything you tell me is confidential. I dont tell anyone what you say to me unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, or someone is hurting you. But your mom is not my patient and i can talk about what she said, and i am going to tell you that your mom is very worried about you. She told me about... \" he got into every detail of what i said - and that isnt relevant here. My daughter got incredibly upset, as did i. She was devastated at having to talk to a relative stranger about her darkest issues. Doc did not expect her response and apologised profusely for not asking my permission to share our conversation.\n\nIn the long run, it is better to get stuff out in the open. I get that, and i live by it. I am queen of TMI. My family refers to me as 'earthy' because i over share. But my daughter isnt like me. She likes her privacy and i want to respect that. On the other hand, the issue needs addressing. Did the doc breach confidentiality by sharing my private convo without my permission?\n\n2nd Repost with MORE required information. Because apparently the bot needs to know everything.\n\nMe: female. 40s Caucasion. North American descent. 5'3\". Non smoker.\n\nDaughter: female. 11yrs.  European/North American descent.  123lbs. 5ft. multiple allergies requiring an Epi-Pen. non smoker. no daily medications.  Possible Discalcula or Dyslexia (investigating).  ", "answer": "I think there's an argument to be made that the doctor did the wrong thing, but he did not breach privacy laws or professional ethics. Your daughter is his patient and is the one he owes confidentiality. He doesn't owe it to you. With adult patients there are doctors who argue that they *must* report any calls, conversations, or information given by outside sources, whether or not the doctor then acts on the information any further.\n\nThe difference here is that your daughter is a child. I'm not expert enough on the rules of pediatrics, although I know they're different. I still don't think the doctor was in the wrong, except in that it may have been distressing to you and your daughter for no gain. But that's a botched conversation, not an inherently wrong approach.\n\nAll that said, I'm not convinced I have this one right. It sounds like a bad situation in the end regardless of intentions or laws, and I hope he learned something and does better in the future, but it still probably makes things awkward between the two of you, and also between each of you and the doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "99ohbn", "comment_id": "e4p76jf"}, {"question": "Not sure if i need advice, someone to identify with, or just someone to hear me out", "description": "25 years old, male.\n\nFor the first time in my entire life I'm feeling a little down about myself. I don't even know where to begin honestly. I would identify myself as an introvert with good social skills; but those skills are never put to work. They are never put to work because I simply don't have any urge or opportunity to meet new people. I'm the type that can carry a darn good convo but for some reason I will only speak if spoken to. It doesn't help that I don't really have any interests and my day consists of working and coming home. Often times i find myself just sitting around killing time telling myself I could be doing something productive instead, but not having anything productive to actually do since I have no interests. \n     As far as friends go I only have about 5 good friends who I have known since high school and currently I don't speak or see 3 of them since they have long term gfs. From the outside people would say I have a lot of things going for me, and to strangers I would probably seem like a \"popular\" type guy. I don't mean to boast but I am well educated, have a decent job, well dressed, and I've been complemented many times for looks, but all of that seems to not help me in any way what so ever. \n     It feels like I have no direction in life right now, and facing it alone. \n     ", "answer": "I think you should read a Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. It talks about how to live an exciting life, and I think it would give you encouragement to start new hobbies and meet new people. It's also a darn fun read.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "qja9z", "comment_id": "c3yl9nz"}, {"question": "Narcotics anonymous (or other fellowships) is not the only way", "description": " I\u2019m coming up on 9 months clean and sober. My former drug(s) of choice was heroin, coke (raw and crack) and adderall. My issues began in 2013 with a shoulder operation, I was addicted oxycodone on and off until about 2016. August 25, 2016 I was in a really bad motorcycle accident that nearly ended my life. I was hospitalized for about a month and prescribed heavy pain meds to deal with the permanent injuries I suffered. The injuries are permanent, but the doctors made it very clear the pain meds were not... long and behold the cut me off. \n\nOnce my prescriptions were cut off... I made a choice to continue buying pills off the streets. The costs added up, and being out of work quickly led me to make the choice to buy heroin for the first time. Fast forward 2.5 years... I was a full blown needle using junkie. My choices led me down that path, and I eventually chose to finally get clean for good. I truly hit my personal rock bottom. I checked into a state run detox for 7 days, and then moved into an Oxford house. \n\nMajority of my house mates go to meetings on a regular basis, and it helps them a lot. My first 30 days.. I went to just about 30 meetings as per my blackout requirements. I eventually found that meetings were not my thing, and the overall concept of a socially acceptable recovery is bullshit for me. I always find it funny running into the close minded people with a former drug addiction, who look down on people who stay clean in \u201cuntraditional ways\u201d.\n\nHere\u2019s a list of my personal beliefs and outlook on my choice to stay clean. \n\n1) Staying sober for me is NOT based on the belief that I have an uncontrollable, incurable disease. While I was beginning to figure out my process months ago, I found that blaming my shitty life choices on a \u201cdisease\u201d removes a lot of accountability I need to have for myself. I believe that choosing to continue using drugs, leads to a somewhat mental illness. \n\n2) self reliance is a huge part of my recovery. Many people I associate with and respect greatly, have a deep relying investment in recovery fellowships. This may work for them... but it doesn\u2019t for me. I have a full time job, a family and regular responsibilities. Even if I wanted to go to meetings, a lot of nights/weekends I wouldn\u2019t be able to make it due to life on its own terms. In my opinion, if you can\u2019t rely on yourself before anybody else, and cope with life\u2019s sometimes shitty terms (when it comes in certain degrees)... you\u2019re in trouble. I guess I\u2019m personally blessed with a beautiful family and a great spouse that supports me. \n\n3) In my opinion, addiction begins with a choice, and ends with a choice (or jail/death). You ultimately are put in a scenario where you choose to walk down the deadly path of addiction in one way or another. Yeah... I know... some people don\u2019t have a choice when their injured and their limbs are practically held together by gorilla glue. But we have a choice to follow the doctors orders and take the meds as prescribed, or fuck around because the meds seem to make life more bearable for that moment in time. \n  I personally allowed my injuries to be an excuse to buy drugs off the streets once my doctors stopped writing prescriptions. I chose to continue down the dark path. I eventually chose to stop however, and continue to choose to not pick up again. \n\n4) For me, meetings keep me living in the past rather then living in the future. For some, it makes them feel secure being reminded of very dark times, so they don\u2019t make the same mistakes. I could never forget the horrible things I\u2019ve done to myself and others. But in order to allow myself to move forward and become a better person, I need to look forward. A lot of people say when they leave a meeting, they feel great... I feel the same thing when I\u2019m at my 5 year old sons football game. Or when I\u2019m spending time with my amazing fianc\u00e9. \n\n\nLiving in a sober house is difficult enough for me when it comes to my recovery process, but it allows my fianc\u00e9 to sleep better at night for the time being. Oxford is a great equal shared expense sober living network. They are not affiliated with NA, AA or any other fellowship. It helped me stay accountable in early recovery, and also helped me rebuild the foundation I\u2019m still building today. \n\nAgain... this post reflects on my own opinions. Traditional 12 step fellowships, IOP programs or other \u201cacceptable\u201d recovery process\u2019s are not the only acceptable way to recover. There\u2019s nothing worse then captain recovery bashing others who do things differently.", "answer": "Thanks for your post. I work in the field, but I rarely refer to addiction as a disease. It\u2019s more complex than that. Yes, using drugs and alcohol changes your brain chemistry, but you had a choice at one point (similar to other so-called lifestyle diseases like lung cancer, obesity, and diabetes.) Long-term drug and alcohol use damages the brain, especially the pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for reactivity and rational decision-making. You may have heard that alcohol and drugs kill brain cells-that\u2019s not true, but they DO destroy some of the connections that a person who does not use would be able to make. (The brain cells are there, they\u2019re just not talking to each other.)\n\nIt sounds like you also have some protective factors that will help you in your recovery. You did not grow up in a home where your parents were using heroin and shot you up as a child or sent you to the crackhouse every morning. You didn\u2019t start using until later in life, which increases your chances at maintaining long-term sobriety. You also have a wife and a child; it sounds like they are supportive. Alternatively, many of my clients are homeless and/or grew up in an abusive family and do not have a stable support network, which is where NA and AA come in.\n\nAA and NA are not the only way to get clean. There are many (many) different avenues for that... I recognize that the 12 step approach is helpful for some more than others. The key components of the 12 step approach are making difficult changes, giving back, and surrounding yourself with people who are supportive. Happy that you  are not another statistic of the heroin epidemic. \n\nTake care, Cassie", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "d6p7fx", "comment_id": "f0veg11"}, {"question": "What is your profession and how do you handle it?", "description": "I am genuinely curious as to the profession of adults with ADHD. I work as a systems engineer at a logistics firm. My attention is constantly being pulled in 900 directions. Having ADHD and being here is challenging but I make up for it with 1. Noise cancelling headphones that filter out the rest of the world and 2. Nonstop sticky notes and 900 outlook calendar reminders. \n\n​\n\nSo how do you handle it? ", "answer": "I'm finishing my masters in clinical psychology and doing placements. I struggle mostly with following a clients story, taking in the facts, but also being able to pick up on salient emotional experience in the moment. I compensate by just following the emotions and I can get the facts later. So I just pick the most important thing to pay attention to.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "alqsjv", "comment_id": "efhgu78"}, {"question": "[21/m] insecure about my lack of dating/sex experience, how do I gain confidence and explain myself to others?", "description": "As I'm approaching the end of my junior year of college, it just gets harder to me to accept my virgin status.\n\nWhen I initially meet people (anyone, just not people I'm interested in) they never get that vibe from me. To many people I come across as a tall, good-looking, funny, emotionally stable guy. They're usually caught off guard hearing I'm single, which makes me feel that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone.\n\nOverall I don't have much experience with girls. I've been on dates and whatnot, but nothing's progressed for the most part. For starters I'm completely oblivious and don't catch many signs that someone is interested in me. Apparently there have been countless missed opportunities for me.\n\nMy first kiss was only a year ago, and the \"relationship\" only lasted a month. I'm afraid I come off as too \"innocent\" and girls really don't want to bother with me. On another occasion I have gotten the whole \"I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't want to you to hate me\" bit, but for all I know it could've been BS.\n\nI guess virginity used to be a choice for me. I grew up as a Catholic, so I used to take chastity a tad more seriously. That's not the case anymore as I'm in college, but now I feel like I'm behind and girls won't want to bother with me due to my inexperience.\n\nPosting this, I'd like to say I don't plan on hooking up with anyone. Knowing myself, I get attached to people easily and don't want to put myself through any problems I won't be able to handle emotionally. In general I'm very careful with who I open up with in life, be it friends or potential interests, so in that sense something like sex isn't something I'd throw away.\n\nOverall I guess I'm afraid of being vulnerable and potentially disappointing girls I might get involved with. I don't want them to get the wrong/a bad impression of me and my performance. Yeah I might be \"innocent\", \"pure\" compared to most, but I have desires too. I'm sure someone on this page could give me perspective of some kind. Thanks, y'all", "answer": "Be patient with yourself. Go SLOW. If someone can't deal with that, they're the wrong person. Be yourself. We all start at the beginning.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s2hd", "comment_id": "dfgu8eu"}, {"question": "Is this a sign of BPD or Narcissism?", "description": "My MIL is what I would call \"obsessed\" with being everyone's mother figure/ taking in \"stray\" humans. \nThis includes the majority of my husband's childhood friends and also myself. \nShe often calls herself his friends \"other mom\" and claims to have \"practically raised\" raised them. She talks incessantly about everything she \"has done for them\".\n\nOn top of this she gets hurt if they don't message her on mother's Day or holidays. \n\nShe especially wants to \"claim\" people without close families. Every holiday she throws a dinner for people without anywhere else to go. This seems really nice except how offended she gets when someone stops coming. She also considers it rude when people she has deemed \"needy\" decline her invitation. \n\nShe has a special focus on me and my siblings as well. Is she in competition with my parents? My sister has never taken her up on the Christmas invitation because she either spend the time with my parents or her in-laws and EVERY TIME my MIL wants me to talk to her because something must be wrong. \"She doesn't need to be shy! She's not putting us out. I want her here! Let her know how much I want her here. They don't have to be alone!\" And when I reiterate that my sister has other plans with other family it turns into \"why doesn't she like me?\"\n\nWhy is she so obsessed with playing mother hen to everyone? Is this a narcissist tendency?", "answer": "I have no idea what is going on outside this one conflict,  but this behavior in itself is not aligned with either personality disorder.  It could be any number of things .\n\nSometimes people feel good about themselves because of external rather than internal conditions.  While people with personality disorders can do this,  so do a whole lot of other people.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8dahb", "comment_id": "foncecx"}, {"question": "Total Daily Energy Expenditure/Base Metabolic Rate Testing", "description": "I\u2019m curious if anyone has gotten tested to find out what their TDEE/BMR is. I\u2019ve read some research that says women with PCOS have a lower BMR than average so I\u2019m wondering how much lower (if any) mine is. If you\u2019ve gotten it done was it actually lower? Was it helpful information? Did insurance cover it? How expensive was it? Thanks in advance!\n\nEdit: Additional question. What kind of professional did you go to to get it done?", "answer": "I got a resting metabolism measured by a specialist dietician. (She said that to measure a BMR she'd have to come to me first thing in the morning while I was still in bed, lol.) My metabolism is about 60% of what it should be, which she wasn't surprised by because of the PCOS. Insurance covered it (I have pretty awesome insurance) and it was super easy to do, you breath into a device for a few minutes and it spits out the data. It was an interesting experience. 10/10 I totally recommend it if you have easy access to it. \n\nMakes me feel like much less of a 'failure'. I still have to cope with it and make healthy choices from here on out, but it helps me not beat myself up over being 300lbs. Back of the napkin math tells me that since I gained it over 20 years, that's less than an extra 100 calories a day. Burning only 60% of what I should be that's honestly impressive I havn't gained more. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8hrmjo", "comment_id": "dymjx6r"}, {"question": "I think I finally figured out what triggers my panic attacks", "description": "For years I have never known what causes me to have panic attacks. I always thought they were random but today I was reading an article and it brought up that some people have panic attacks because they are too attuned to their body. Basically, every little change I notice in my body makes me panic. I notice I am dizzy, I panic. I notice I am nauseous, panic. Headache, panic. Etc. I hope that now that I know what causes them I can move on to controlling them! ", "answer": "Just a FYI, that's usually a secondary trigger, something that arises from the Anxious Cycle making you more aware of indications that you are starting to have anxiety. It may arise after some physical condition that led to panic like hyperthyroidism or an adrenal leak. \n\nNot saying it's not what's going on just that it might be a habit of reaction to another situation", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8twbkk", "comment_id": "e1bg8dw"}, {"question": "Managed to befriend someone(?) but when we hang out a part of me is just waiting until it's over / Friendship as a loner", "description": "So I go to this place(let's just say Place) once or twice a week and I see this guy there about once a week. I, a guy, had a little crush on him.\nIt's good to note that I'm in my 20s, he's ~6 years older than me and I am in no way shape or form out, to anyone. When I found out he likes women my little crush subsided a bit. Not completely though. But a few stuff makes me pretty sure he's not bi either. Just wondering what his thoughts on gay people are. Recently found out he goes to church but unsure \"how religious\" he is. Could be partially to meet people and practice the language.\n\nI'm a loner. Introvert. What-have-you.\n\n* a person who is or prefers to be alone, especially one who avoids the company of others\n* The type of guy who dosen't have good social skills, No confidence and jealous traits.\n* Known as 'the boring guy', the 'friendless' guy, the invisible man\n\nAfter a few weeks of seeing him every now and then, he gave me his number and told me to call him if I wanted to do something. Like go swimming.\nI was anxious for days but ended up texting him. He had other plans. I was a bit proud of myself for actually texting and relieved I didn't \"have to\" hang out with someone.\n\nI'm the kind of person that just waits for things to happen to me. I follow the flow. Because I'm socially anxious and depressed I have no ambitions or future plans or aspirations or anything. I just wait for things to happen. I don't initiate. Note I don't really like this about myself but yah.\n\nNext time I met him we talked, he bought us both an icecream each, and suggested swimming again. When In the moment like that I feel like I should say yes, that it's probably \"good/better\" to actually socialise with someone. So I said yes.\n\nWe've gone swimming two days in a row now. And afterwards we go pick some berries.\nIt's been OK. I've felt dumb cus I didn't know the answer to some things. I felt boring and awkward because I didn't have a reply for most things. Like talk about cars and I'm like uh yeah. Mhm. I don't know how he's not bored of me. But he asked if I wanted to go swimming again.\n\nIf he asks a question like A or B? I just don't know. You choose. \"You wanna keep swimming or should we get out?\" uh sure let's get out. : |. I'm just.. following along..\n\nEven though it's been nice I guess, I kinda feel like.. I'm waiting for it to be over. Waiting for me to go home. At the same time I enjoy his company? \nIt feels wrong.. to feel like this. Like.. this isn't how normal people are supposed to feel. Like I was slightly bored when we were picking berries. And it's like ahh I'm alone nice. That's kinda nice. But I'm bored a little. I'm a walking indecisive contradicting blob.\n\nAt least the biking and swimming is some exercise. I could lose some weight.", "answer": "Well, the socialization is nice and good for you finding the courage to ask for it.  I think part of the reason you are feeling board is because you are being quite passive and not suggesting that the two of you do some other activities that you'd personally enjoy more.  Just because you 'go with the flow' doesn't mean that you enjoy the flow every time.  Take the risk to suggest something different that you'd like and see what happens.  What is there to lose really?  Also, consider spacing out your contacts more so that you guys don't overexpose on each other.  Good luck.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "4tztwl", "comment_id": "d5lzn0k"}, {"question": "Aaron Hernandez brain scan phot questions.", "description": "In [this](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/nov/09/aaron-hernandez-cte-brain-damage-photos) article showcasing the brain scans of Hernandez\u2019 brains, the doctor compares his brain to that of a normal 27 year old. What does a \u201cventricular enlargement\u201d and \u201catrophy of the fornix\u201d do/mean? Does it lead to depression/CTE/suicidal thoughts?", "answer": "The ventricles are fluid=filled spaces in the brain that provide cushioning and allow circulation of cerebrospinal fluid \\(CSF\\). Enlargement usually means general atrophy \\(shrinking\\) of the rest of the brain. \"Atrophy of the fornix\" means that the structure of the brain called the fornix is smaller. It's a large, oddly\\-shaped thing that's hard to describe, and its function also isn't entirely clear, although it probably plays a role in some kinds of memory and possibly emotions.\n\nWe don't know on an anatomic level how depression or suicidal thoughts happen. CTE is an observed phenomenon and syndrome, so you could say that these changes *are* CTE, but what that means in practical terms isn't so clear.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4wrt", "comment_id": "dxsf68v"}, {"question": "Dishes are going to ruin my life and the relationship with my family.", "description": "I have 2 parents that are always asking me to do the dishes, but i just fucking can't my mind blocks all the time because it's to tedious and repetitive and i can't bring myself to do them.\n\n​\n\nI haven't done the dishes in 5 months and my dad is getting mad and saying that i'm lazy and selfish and more NT BS.\n\nI told him that i have severe ADHD and Aspergers and it's dificult to me do this shit one day, let alone every fucking day for a year.\n\n​\n\nI told him i don't have the energy to do it because of my mental conditions and he insists it's just laziness after a fucking year of not doing it, i get overwhelmed with so many dishes.\n\n​\n\nHonestly, i feel like dishes are going to ruin the relationship with this potentially narcicistic dad and i don't really care to be honest, i'm tired of having to explain that i'm not able to do this shit because i have a mental condition.", "answer": "Can you offer to do chores other than dishes? You could let your dad know that because of your ADHD/ASD that the dishes are an almost tortuous task but that you understand you still need to help out. Offer to do a chore that you find less unpleasant, or maybe even a couple of chores. Maybe it isn\u2019t about the dishes but rather about you contributing to the household in SOME way.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at2rvq", "comment_id": "egy8l2g"}, {"question": "Depression and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", "description": "I'm about six weeks into therapy (first attempt) for my anxiety and depression, and my therapist and I have decided to work the CBT route.\n\nThe basic idea is easy enough: Identify wrong thoughts, reject them, replace, and retrain. Simples.\n\nDoes someone have experience with how I go about the reject and absorb new thoughts parts? I try to be as open as I can about the therapy, I really want it to succeed. But the bad thoughts are *the* framework my world rests on, and it all makes sense and is logical and empirically verified. To absorb alternative thoughts seems fake af and I feel like I'm deluding myself into this new sunshine world.\n\nAny pointers, has someone been there and conquered it? So thankful for input.", "answer": "The thoughts are not 'wrong'.  Better to think of them as 'distorted' due to cognitive biases such as overgeneralization or magnification (focusing intensely on some aspects of the environment while ignoring or minimizing others).  You don't reject your thoughts so much as try to correct them.  You look for the information you were not focusing on before but was there and create a more balanced view that reflects all of it not just some of it.  If you think about it this way you may feel less like you are falsifying things", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3mvfhk", "comment_id": "cviznq1"}, {"question": "How do I make this work? Borderline Parent", "description": "I think my mother had borderline personality disorder. I still live at home and probably won't be able to move out for another year or two. How do I manage living here until then?", "answer": "The book \"Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder\" by Paul Mason is probably the best reading material you can get for this situation.  It offers far more comprehensive advice and support than I could on here.  \n\n\nOther than that, consider getting your own therapy.  I've probably seen more folks in my office who are trying to cope with having parents with BPD than I have actually seen folks with BPD.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9mr8d1", "comment_id": "e7gs91y"}, {"question": "tappering off antidepressant", "description": "hello docs, \ni\u2019m a 21f i\u2019ve been on 10 mg of zelax (escitalopram) daily for 5 months now but with quarantine situation i don\u2019t think i can stock up on more i only have 25 pills left so what is the safest way to get off the medication with minimal withdrawal? \n\nthanks.", "answer": "Call your doctor about a refill. Going to a pharmacy is still leaving home for essential needs, and your doctor may also be able to send your prescription to a mail-order pharmacy, but having weeks' notice will help with that.\n\nYou could taper, but first you should see if you can avoid doing so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmiud5", "comment_id": "fl4h6y0"}, {"question": "How does trauma stack-up?", "description": "If a person experiences two very similar traumatic events a few years apart, what would their reaction to the second experience be? Would they be able to handle it more easily thanks to their experience? Or would the second event trigger memories from the first one and make recovery from both of them way more difficult?", "answer": "You kinda answered your own question in your questions.  Trauma affects everyone differently, and there are a lot of factors that can/may be taken into consideration when determining how a person responds.  Some people are more resilient than others, which may lessen the impact of a later, yet similar, trauma.  The supports an individual has available to them after trauma will likely be a factor, as well a previous mental health history, previous mental health treatment dealing with the first trauma, etc.  \n\nI wish I could be more specific, but it really all depends on the person, as well as the type of trauma.  Good question!!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e34t7s", "comment_id": "f91ensa"}, {"question": "Why does everyone ask \u2018what's the cause\u2019?", "description": "It\u2019s a rhetorical question; I just need to get this off my chest and out of my head. \n\n\nWhen I reach out for help or open up to someone about my anxiety, I almost always end up being asked what\u2019s causing it. I know they mean well and are trying to understand, but I find it makes me feel more damaged because there often isn\u2019t a specific thing that I am anxious and crying about. I already feel like an idiot for crying over literally nothing, but I can\u2019t stop no matter what I try. I wish there was an identifiable reason that I could address, but there isn\u2019t, and trying to admit and explain that when I\u2019m already an emotional shipwreck makes it that much more painful.", "answer": "There's nothing wrong with saying you have general anxiety and you're not quite sure what's behind it all, but it's there.  Everyone has anxiety and everyone has a breaking point of what's too much anxiety.  Lets say on a scale of 1-10, 10 is the breaking point.  Most folks probably walk around at about a 2 or 3.  Folks with severe general anxiety start there day at about a 7-9.  That makes it so that it may not take much to get you to that breaking point.  \n\n\nThat's one way you could explain it, if you even want to.  You don't really owe anyone an explanation unless you feel like it would be helpful to explain yourself.  \n\n\nJust an fyi though, for most folks with general anxiety, it's usually a combination of both genetic predispositions to being more anxious in general along with some deep psychological \"reasons\" whether it be certain thought patterns, lack of healthy coping skills, too much avoidance behaviors throughout life, etc.  so if you do want to get better, therapy can help you figure this out and work towards recovering.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993tuk", "comment_id": "e4krgvu"}, {"question": "What kind of a mother am I?", "description": "My 48 year old son just let me know he remembers the 74 year old next door neighbor we had that molested him. \nHe told me about it when it happened. Early 70's and a different time. As his mother, the man just happened to drive up to his house right after I was informed and I ran to his side of car & started bashing his head in with my fist. Hubby pulled me off. Police were called & reported. The man packed up in 3 weeks & moved far away.\nI hope he is rotting in hell.ast night my son told me it screwed up his whole life.\nI am crushed. He and I never spoke about it in 40 years and I had honestly hoped he had forgotten about it.\nWhy didn't I get that poor boy therapy? \nI can't quit crying. Poor kid.", "answer": "It's never too late to have the intention to help your son. Every child, no matter the age, desires a mother.   Ask around, there may be groups for parents in your situation. It's ok to ask for help from professionals for yourself. \n\nIt's normal to feel all sorts of feelings about this, don't put that weight where it doesn't belong. \n\nIt's often easier for a child to work through trauma if their parents have worked through it themselves. Parent by example.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvn50u", "comment_id": "f7druya"}, {"question": "Weight restoration/tomato face?", "description": "Currently weight restoring after being hypermetabolic (still might be a bit). I\u2019ve had a restrictive ED off an on for most of my life, with periods of \u201cremission\u201d AKA not fully recovered despite thinking so at the time. \n\nCurrently experiencing facial flushing: redness, hot, tingling. Someone said it\u2019s due to purging, but I count on one hand how many times I\u2019ve induced vomiting after eating. Over exercising, yes for sure. \n\nWondering if any of you have experienced this? It\u2019s noticeable to others and comes on very quickly. Does it go away? My face looks and feels like a spicy tomato. ", "answer": "maybe carcinoid? but i agree, go to your doctor. ", "topic": "fuckeatingdisorders", "post_id": "9ym0k6", "comment_id": "eedgefw"}, {"question": "My depression got worse over a stupid video game", "description": "I just finished playing Life Is Strange (Well, up to episode 3, super excited for ep 4) and I feel much more depressed than usual, especially after the first episode (which was the most relaxing one). I\u2019m going to try to explain this to the best of my abilities, but I\u2019ve never really felt this way before.\n\nI feel a sense of nostalgia and sadness, like I feel like I squandered my high school years (sophomore in college), like I wish my life was somewhat like Max\u2019s (sans powers). I just wish I could\u2019ve lived in a small little sea side town on the coast of Oregon surrounded by pine trees and rain. I feel like I missed out on something while I was suffering in a shitty inner city school where I isolated myself from all my peers, I hated this feeling so much. It\u2019s like nostalgia for something I never had. I\u2019ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat and thinking about what my life could have been, but wasn\u2019t.\n\nThis is so fucking dumb and I hate myself for this, why do I always want to live in a fictional world?\n", "answer": "I've been there. Try being a huge fan of underrated games that flopped and will never get a sequel (System Shock 2) *sigh*. \n\nNostalgia and sadness are all a part of depression. It is also not all that unusual for a game, song, movie, or a story to trigger episodes and cause you to overthink things. You want to live in a fictional world because everybody needs a chance to escape for a while. There is nothing unusual there. \n\nJust don't forget to poke your head out from time to time and live in the real world. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ei7jx", "comment_id": "ctfs9ow"}, {"question": "I haven't taken medicine in 20 years (im 36), not even an ibuprofen, can it be harmful if i take one now?", "description": "Dear all,\n\n​\n\nI never take medicine, not even for headache or anything. Every single issues i had in the past 20 or 22 years (since i was a teen, until now, 36), i just waited them out, some essential oil candies or mouth spray recently, natural medicine (ginger + honey + lemon), when i have throat ache i drink thyme infusion brew and whatnot.\n\n​\n\ni'd like to know if , let say i have a headache now and i take an ibuprofen or something like that will it be harmful to me because my body \"is not used to medicine\" anymore ?\n\n​\n\ni don't need or want to take  medicine, i just want to know in case :)\n\n​\n\nthanks a lot !\n\n​", "answer": "It\u2019s fine to take over the counter medicine after not taking it for years.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rjt0p", "comment_id": "e8hfk02"}, {"question": "I (M22) am feeling like an empty shell who just adapt to whatever its around me but dont really enjoy anything", "description": "First at all, im not a native english speaker so feel free to ask if something is not clear enough or  if i miswrite it. Also, thanks for anyone who read :)\n\nWell, I dont really know how to start to describe the confusion I have with myself and I dont want to create a long post, so I think I will focus in the things I can remember.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI think my main problem is lack of motivation. Right now I started to work in a tech company and finished my computer science career, so I am doing okay in that matter even if I am just following the stream of what I have in front of me (the company was the one I did the internship, so no real effort for my part).\n\nThe thing is, I get bored of everything, people included. I really dont dislike people but eventually I drop a group of people and later will get in another.\n\nI dont know why and when I think about it I cant get nothing clear. This applies with games also, but I dont think this is really important. Afterall, there is a lot of games and its not like I cant get another hobbie when I burn it.\n\n​\n\nAnother of the problems I have is my personality. If you ask some of my friends (IRL or online) I think they will describe me like a calm, shy and lazy person. Im okay with that because I try to \"pleasure\" anyone and see conflicts like a waste of time. My personality changes a lot in differents groups of friends but I dont really enjoy social activities. I think the only \"real\" thing in my personality at this point is my love for cats haha.\n\n​\n\nI tried reading a lot about different mental disorders but because a lot of symptoms are common and I am not a expert in that matter I didnt get anything useful. Also disorders test which I think are vague and not worth it.\n\nFinally, the advice that I need is a hint of whatever its affecting me because going with this to a psychologist only will get me a standard advice of \"dont worry, be happy, you are your, etc...\"", "answer": "I\u2019m admittedly biased coming from a mental health background but I would still recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. You may have a diagnosis and you may not, that doesn\u2019t really matter and it\u2019s actually very common for people to seek therapy for all the reasons you\u2019re describing. A therapist who tells you to \u201cjust be happy\u201d would not be a good one and in my option should not even exist. Either way, finding someone (professional or not) to just talk about these things in a nonjudgmental way can help you see new perspectives or get ideas of new things to try. A lot of other advice I could see would be making small changes like changing up your environment and trying new hobbies. If that feels too daunting make changes even smaller like moving things in your room, taking a 5 min walk, etc. I also think that it\u2019ll be important to be kind and patient with yourself, easier said than done but just keep yourself on course", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "hpzp3t", "comment_id": "fxv8bxe"}, {"question": "How do I know if I have gynecomastia or man boobs?", "description": "I am male, 26 years old and Im currently skinny fat but before I was really fat.\nI just want to ask how do I confirm if my man boobs is due to me being fat before or because I have gynecomastia? Is there a way to confirm it at home?\n\nIf not, Im open to consulting a doctor but Im not sure what type of doctor should I go to? Internal Medicine? Cosmetic surgeon?\n\nPlease help", "answer": "You'd just need to see a GP/PCP, for a set of routine blood tests and a couple of others like prolactin levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6hdqib", "comment_id": "diy84zq"}, {"question": "How (long) do calciumblockers work?", "description": "I am a fit male of 5ft9, 23 years old and 70 kgs. I was recently prescribed adalat oros 30 calcium blockers for my heart problems. They seem to work fine for +-12 hours and then lose all effectiveness in one hour. Is it possible that they suddenly stop working after 12 hours? Would I notice their decreased effectiveness that quickly? I was told that 1 dose per day should completely manage symptoms, so I assumed they worked longer. Could someone clarify this for me? ", "answer": "You don't say what your heart problems are or what loss of effectiveness means.\n\nAdalat Oros is a slow-release form of nifedipine and I don't know and cannot find any reliable information on duration of action, but recommended dosing does appear to be once daily.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8vea3v", "comment_id": "e1mq6pz"}, {"question": "36y, M, 5\"8, 150lb, E.Asian, No medications, Canada. Extreme itchiness, rash all over body after course of antibiotic.", "description": " About a month ago received Azithromycin 500mg x 5 days for rash already existed. Rash with extreme itchiness started to spread all over my torso, arms, upper and inner thighs and behind knees. Very hot to touch. Oral steroid 50mg was given 2 weeks ago at ER, yet did not work. Skin biopsy was done, no bacterial, fungal, parasitic growth, but indication of drug interaction. Part of skin is peeling off. Haven't slept well due o itchiness exacerbated by heat, such as using blanket at night. No medications is taken at this moment  \nAssuming SJS(Steven Johnson Syndrome). ", "answer": "Wait - have you not seen the prescriber of the antibiotic about this? As my pharmacy colleague says, antihistamines or more steroids may be in order.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fp8o9", "comment_id": "damfhei"}, {"question": "Men how was last week ?", "description": "Want to connect again to my fellow men ....\n\nI was reading about psychosis and hallucinations..\n\n\nThink I figured out last nights rush of fear of abandonment\n\nIts an emotional hallucination\n\n\nDidnt fucking help at all tho", "answer": "I look at is as my initial thought is probably irrational and wrong. You CAN learn to trust your body and your mind, if you learn how to read it.\n\nI dated a girl who was recovering from anorexia, she explained that she no longer registered hunger in her stomach. She knew her body needed food when she was cold, had a headache, or started to feel sluggish. She learned to read new signs and adapted.\n\nSame with bpd. You can learn that your feelings and thoughts are signs of a need you have. You just gotta learn what they are signaling ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7rz88z", "comment_id": "dt0t7u6"}, {"question": "How do I tell my girlfriend that she shouldn't expect her grandma to last much longer? Without sounding like an asshole", "description": "So her grandmother's been admitted to the hospital a few months ago, and recently she's been getting worse. In the past month she got two heart attacks, three seizures and apparently even was brain dead for 5 minutes.  \nIn all of this I try, to console my girlfriend as much as I can and be there for her, but she keeps saying stuff like \"I really hope she'll get better soon\" and whatnot. She makes it sound like she just caught the common cold and has a weak immune system, while in reality it's a 80-something year old lady barely getting two words out living her last days.  \nAny advice on how I should go about this?  \n\n**TLDR:** girlfriend's grandma is dying and girlfriend just doesn't wanna get it, how to break it to her?", "answer": "Do NOT \"break it to her\". Denial is normal and you will only hurt her, and possibly your relationship, by trying to get her to accept the truth. \n\nJust be there for her. Now as well as when the inevitable happens.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1rv1wy", "comment_id": "cdrag0q"}, {"question": "Any tips for making yourself do things?", "description": "The main way that adhd negatively impacts me as an adult is that I have a REALLY hard time getting up to do things. Once I\u2019ve started I get on a role, but getting started doesn\u2019t happen often enough for my liking. This happens for things like getting up to go to work or doing laundry/cleaning, but also for fun things like getting ready to see friends or even getting up to get food.\n\nAny tips?", "answer": "Not sure if it\u2019s already mentioned but I do something called the \u201c20 Minutes\u201d rule. I commit to doing the task for the next 20 minutes and if I am still bored I stop for a while. It usually will trick me into getting into a groove", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ai9lj9", "comment_id": "eemu8oe"}, {"question": "Finaly gonna go see a psychiatrist", "description": "After years and years dealing with what I'm sure it's depression and strong suicidal thoughts, I'm finally gonna see a Professional tomorrow, I don't know if it'll help, but at least I'm trying.\nIt'll be my first time, any tips? ", "answer": "Be prepared that a psychiatrist generally does not do talk therapy; they are more for psychotropic medication management. So don't be surprised if you talk to them for 45 minutes then they send you away with a prescription and that's it. I would highly advise also seeking out the services of a therapist so you can talk through some of your issues and learn some coping skills and techniques. This is very important; psychotropic medications are meant to be used in conjunction with talk therapy. See if your psychiatrist has any recommendations. Good luck! And always be honest (especially about suicidal thoughts/feelings), they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "9d1uvn", "comment_id": "e5f11lg"}, {"question": "I need an advice dating a girl who has a 18 month old baby but her dad is not around.", "description": "Hey so I have a question me and my girlfriend we broke up after two years of dating. We were going to get married this coming summer but she left me before Christmas because I didn't like her family and didn't like to\nBe around them that much.\nSo now I found this cute girl she is only 25 years old and has a house but she only works as a nanny from home while she spends time with her little daughter. Her older brother lives with her to help pay the bills. My question is what should I expect by dating this girl. She told me she is looking for a father figure for the child, and she is interested in getting married and having a child of my own with her so her daughter can have a sister or a brother.\nShould I get into this or not? I'm tired of dating I just want one women, but in the past 8 years my 3 girlfriends  that I loved left me :/. I'm currently 28 years old and getting older by day. \n\nPlease help lol   ", "answer": "are you ready to be a dad and a settled family man? ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5makj0", "comment_id": "dc233v2"}, {"question": "I'm tempted to self harm and I don't know why.", "description": "Like things have been rough lately but generally getting better slowly, less stressful except the holidays coming up.  I haven't been drinking but am a little tonight and for whatever reason I feel like hurting myself and I don't get it.  I've never cut before I always did the head banging/hitting thing but I feel like that doesn't count so I keep thinking I should try cutting becuase it seems like it'd feel good.  I won't though I don't think seems scary.  I had this weird urge to start crying earlier for no reason.  No idea what's going on or causing this.  Sorry just rambling DAE get like this?", "answer": "Cutting to stop emotions, to control your weak self, to feel scared and powerful, to feel another emotion that isn't sadness/loneliness or something else? I'm not a big opponent of cutting, except when it escalates. It usually escalates. \n\nSounds like it's time to study you dictionary of emotion words", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7en8yu", "comment_id": "dq67u5v"}, {"question": "I need professional advise.", "description": "i need the help if a professional therapist who is well informed about borderl.ne to help me support a very important person to me without stressing my anxiety due to the inability of having actually therapy through a short private conversation. I dont expect this to be a constant thing so if you are worried about someone treating this actual therapy this us not the case. I just need to have one private conversation since i am not comfortable sharing private info on reddit.", "answer": "Can you talk to your friend 's therapist? Many of my patients sign releases so I can have these conversations with their loved ones.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fo7wmy", "comment_id": "fllcufg"}, {"question": "How have you overcome trust issues?", "description": "I am in need of some help. I (25f) have an amazing boyfriend (25m) who I've been with for 3 years. We've lived together for about 1.5 years and it goes very well. Honestly I feel I lucked out, I'm very satisfied in our relationship. Many healthy changes have happened in my life since meeting him, and though we're very different we make a great team. \n\nI have what some may call daddy issues. Abandonment issues. To summarize my father moved away when I was 5, and has slowly faded out of my life as I have aged. My mother became terminally I'll when I was 15, and after 5 years of ups and downs passed away. \n\nMy sister and I had a turbulent relationship during this time, trying to balence our responsibilities and social lives. Often she could be manipulative, turning my actions on me. I'm sure I was no saint either but trusting her now is hard, as I worry if I show any weakness it will be used against me in times of stress again. My extended family operates in a similar way, I don't want them to know any troubles I have for fear it will be used against me. \n\nMy partner and I want to buy a house in the coming year. I'm terrified to put my savings on the line in case he splits. I have no idea what he could possibly do to prove he's on my team, it's a problem inside me, I feel. I do go to therapy but my couselor recently left and I've just started with a new one last week. What can I do?", "answer": "\neverything in life has some risk, because the future's unknowable. if you feel this rel. is as solid as solid can be, you either move forward, or live your life  alone.  \n\"between grief and nothing, i will take grief\"  'faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qoa1u", "comment_id": "dd0tq7l"}, {"question": "After ten months sober, I had \u201cone drink\u201d...", "description": "Sigh. Yeah. My intention was to only drink on Halloween\u2014 for some reason. I thought I could make one exception. And then the next day I said to myself \u201cwow, and it\u2019s not like I have the urge to do that all the time. Maybe I can just be cool about this and drink sometimes, like a normal teenager.\u201d\n\nThat turns into a bottle of wine on Election Day, drinking at a concert, vodka on Thanksgiving, tequila at a dinner party. \n\nAnd you know what these experiences have added to my life??\n\nNAUSEA and DISAPPOINTMENT. That\u2019s it. My year sober would\u2019ve been two weeks from now. I was drunk last night and my mom (who quit two months ago. she said I inspired her) told me she felt great sober and she was so happy. I had no idea how to tell her that I\u2019ve been drinking again. I think I knew then, knew always, that I\u2019d need to quit again. \n\nI can\u2019t live with this hanging over my head and inside my stomach. \nDay 1, again. I wish I\u2019d made the year. But I have today. \n\nIwndwyt. \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "Thanks for sharing... I can totally see myself doing that.... again. Hopefully I won\u2019t!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a090t2", "comment_id": "eaggiae"}, {"question": "I'm a 21 year-old male who still has no clue what the hell my life purpose is, or what I should even do with it. I'm simply looking for resources/advice that will allow me to move in the right direction.", "description": "My issue is that I have no clue as to what the hell I want to do with my life. What's worse is that, the more I think about what would be perfect for me (in terms of careers), the more confused I become. Sometimes I look around me at the people I graduated with, and see that they're already starting their careers, while I feel as though I am stagnant.\n\nDoes anyone ever have these feelings, and if so, how do you handle them? What resources are good for helping someone figure out what to do with their life, in order to feel fulfilled and happy with their career? perhaps this is one of those things where seeking a professional, whether it be a therapist, or career counselor would be the only appropriate course of action. I just don't know, though.\n\nI appreciate anyone's insight, advice, suggestions, and personal thoughts that they are willing to share with me.\n\nP.S. if this is the incorrect sub for this sort of thing, I would be more than happy to redirect this post to one that is more fitting for this sort of topic. Thank you.", "answer": "What are some strengths that you have? What are some interests that you have? These are good questions to start. \n\nA career counselor is an excellent option for this. If you go to college, guaranteed there is one on campus. If not, expect to pay a fee. It can really help to have someone there to guide you and personalize advice for you and help you find options and resources.\n\nIf that's not for you, have you tried taking any career assessments?  [https://www.onetonline.org/](https://www.onetonline.org/) has one called \"My Next Move\" that can give you some ideas to start off with. Take the Interest Profile on there and see what you get. It's also a big database of careers that stays up-to-date with current info, so there's a lot there to explore. A lot of career counselors use it themselves.\n\nObviously an internet test, even one that's been tested and researched heavily, can't account for everything in your life but it's a start!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ez3fsr", "comment_id": "fgl17zo"}, {"question": "Anecdotes about alcohol from (normal?) drinkers are kinda sad", "description": "\"That one time we had a couple of drinks after work AT WORK and zomg it was sooo awesome\"\n\n\"Had a few drinks and laughed soooo hard lololol\"\n\n\"Had a rough week so I'll open the bottle as soon as I get home, because friday and asdfghjkl yolo drinking is so cool at 35\"\n\n\"When the kids are asleep I'm going to have a few glasses, this week was especially hard and I like totally need to unwind\"\n\nI'm having a hard time not reacting to these. It feels like so many people are under mass hypnosis - they might not have drinking problems, but everything nice/relaxing/memorable is associated to it. At 30+ years. Anyone else feel this?", "answer": "It took a while for me to really accept that I just had a different experience with alcohol than other people. Some people drink regularly and it is a really positive experience for them.\n\nI can identify with the feelings of everyone is under mass hypnosis via alcohol in the early months/years after quitting.\n\nI know it certainly doesn't work for me, but who am I to say it is a bad thing for people to have alcohol as a common factor for a lot of their experiences in life? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vz6eh", "comment_id": "de60z6x"}, {"question": "Is it okay to JUST talk for therapy?", "description": "Every time I go into my session, my therapist lets me talk about my week, or whatever I\u2019ve been doing, and asks questions about how I\u2019m feeling, but they tend to talk a lot about exercises and have activities to do, and always go right to exercises.. things like personality tests and psychology based activities. I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s how all therapy is?? Every therapist has done this with me, but I\u2019m there for mostly my social anxiety so it\u2019s hard to say \u201cI don\u2019t want to do all these exercises!!\u201d (that are meant for me to get better, so why would I?) but I hate it, and it doesn\u2019t help. I feel unheard, and I just want to talk... I don\u2019t want to feel like I\u2019m working hard and thinking of what to say, like I\u2019m being tested always because of mind games.. I just want to talk about my problems, talk about my life, feel heard, feel understood and actually tackle and connect with my therapist for some good fucking talks. Is this too much to ask? Is this okay to ask for this?", "answer": "Definitely not how all therapy goes. That sounds overwhelming to me !  You said every therapist has done this, I'm not I know what it is.\n\nJust say what you said here.  You have a clear idea of your needs and that is great.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "foujcq", "comment_id": "fljwscj"}, {"question": "Young Alcoholics - YOU ARE NOT ALONE", "description": " I created a group called r/Young_Alcoholics for those 30 and under (non exclusive obviously, just geared towards) young alcoholics who can share, vent, their recovery process, their desire to get sober, or share the positives for those who are currently striving in their own recovery! Even trivial yet important things like dating alcohol-free! If you feel lonely due to the pressures of society, anxiety, depression, etc. feel free to join!!! I just turned 24 this week and am currently working on a month alcohol free!!", "answer": "I\u2019ve been sober since I was 23.  I\u2019m 65 now. Can I join?", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ke4r5n", "comment_id": "gg16byp"}, {"question": "Is it okay to be upset with a depressed and anxious friend?", "description": "Hi. I'm(18F) friends with A. (F22). I also live in a different state for university, though I come back and visit during breaks and we hang out. A. struggles with depression and anxiety. She's suicidal and has confided to me all of this. A. has a few close friends, and one M. M (25M) is leaving for the army. She is convinced that he will stop caring about her, and when I tried to speak with her (over text) about this, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it. I told her, alright, and asked a question. She hasn't responded yet, and it's been about a week. I'm worried about her, and also kind of upset at her for not responding, given that it's been a week. I'm planning to come home in a few days, and part of me just doesn't want to text her, and let her respond first. This is probably very minor, though and if I reached out she probably would respond. I'm just hurt she didn't. What should I do?", "answer": "I get why you\u2019re upset, it\u2019s understandable. With depression it\u2019s your level of upset x1000 and feeling of hopelessness and the fear (and reality) that people leave you because of having depression. When I\u2019ve been in the \u201cdark place\u201d I isolate because I don\u2019t think anyone cares and I felt they probably would be better off without me. I didn\u2019t reach out because I didn\u2019t think people wanted to deal with me and thought they would reject me if I tried because I was a burden no one wanted to deal with. Sometimes I pushed people away because it was safer. Her not responding is her probably being in a lot of emotional pain and feeling hopeless, afraid, and worthless. It\u2019s not about you, it\u2019s what she\u2019s going through mentally and emotionally. Depression kicks the crap out of your body as well, pain and exhaustion are a big part of it. Sometimes just getting out of bed and showering or eating feels like too much. Texting would be even harder to do. If you care about this person please reach out and just let her know you\u2019re there and that you care. You can\u2019t fix things for her, but being willing to listen and validate how she feels don\u2019t try to \u201ccheer her up\u201d or talk her out of feeling how she feels. Trust me she wishes she doesn\u2019t feel that way and pointing out all the great things she has in her life that she should be happy about will make it worse because she knows and feels crazy for feeling depressed (I\u2019ve had all this done to me when I was going through some heavy bouts with depression and it doesn\u2019t help it makes it worse and increases the shame and self loathing). Hope this is somewhat helpful. I totally get how you feel, it\u2019s hard to understand what\u2019s going on for your friend. Just remember it\u2019s not personal, there\u2019s a lot more going on than you know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fa724a", "comment_id": "fiwe7pm"}, {"question": "I just had to call a crisis line on my boyfriend", "description": "This is the third time in two months that he had to be taken away by the police to the hospital.   \n  \nFirst time he cut his wrist (was in the state hospital for about three weeks) - second time he got mad at me for trying to force him to take his meds he hadn't taken in three days went for a walk and took his clothes off in a construction site.(he was only out for three days) they kept him for about five. He came home last night and said this was going to be his last night alive. That he was going to die tonight and was acting erratic again.   \n  \nHe thinks \"demigods\" are after him, going to kill him, and there's nothing he can do to stop them. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to handle him and nothing will make him take his medicine when he gets out of the hospital. Has anyone had any experience with this?   Am I handling it incorrectly? I called before he actually did anything to attempt to hurt himself because he almost died last time of hyperthermia and I didn't want it to go that far.", "answer": "Look into seeing if there is an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) or Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) in your area. This is a structured outpatient program that meets several times weekly and are able to help keep him out of the hospital and increase his medication compliance.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wug3c", "comment_id": "cf5m6ja"}, {"question": "People make finding \"the one\" seem so damn easy..", "description": "It seems in my community of friends 2012 has been the year of countless marriage proposals, engagement parties and weddings. What I want to know is how the HECK are all of these people finding their match and more importantly making it run so smoothly up to a marriage proposal? I can't keep a guy interested in me for more than a year. It really baffles me to see guys so madly in love with a girl bc I absolutely can't imagine someone feeling that way about me. Do some girls just have better game than others? And what are they doing? Bc my problem isn't looks or brains.... ", "answer": "As someone in what other people probably see as \"the one\" kind of relationship, let me tell you that finding \"the one\" is actually a matter of finding someone who is *compatible with you* and then working your ass off to communicate, treat each other well, and keep things interesting. What does this mean for you? Keep dating--but stop waiting for \"the one\".", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "zaeir", "comment_id": "c62w6ye"}, {"question": "How did/do you inform employers of your PTSD?", "description": "Background: I am a female veteran with PTSD (Not combat related) I've been at my current job since being medically discharged from the military. I never mentioned the nature of my medical discharge to my employer because frankly, it's none of their business and I didn't want my chances of being hired affected.\n\nMy job requires me to wear an walkie-talkie type earpiece. My supervisor thinks it's fuckin hysterical to talk to me on the earpiece (distracting me) then walking up and standing behind me to scare the shit out of me.\n\nI don't want to go into detail, but it gives me pretty bad flashbacks and affects me for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week.\n\n\n\n\ntl;dr\n\nMy supervisor is an asshole.\n\nHow do you tell someone if they/their actions are a \"trigger\"?\n\nHow did you (or how can you) tell your employers about your PTSD?\n\n", "answer": "Is there an HR person you can go to, to explain what is going on?  You can explain to them that you are \"jumpy\" due to your military service or alternatively just say it is distracting and *makes you less productive as an employee.*  If your boss only does this to women workers it could also be a sexual harassment risk for the organization.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1j97cv", "comment_id": "cbcmwwu"}, {"question": "The dumbest reason I've ever had a panic attack:", "description": "*Someone was mean to me on the internet.*\n\nGod, I feel so stupid.  \n\nI posted some pages of my journal/comic in /r/pics.  I scanned the rules, and I guess I misinterpreted what was meant.  In retrospect, I guess it's pretty clear.\n\n[This happened.](http://i.imgur.com/iu21n71.png)\n\nAnd I just\u2014I lost it.  Full-blown, hyperventilating, crying, shaking, sobbing, nauseous, dizzy, everything.  It's not about screwing up and posting something that isn't meant to be there (that's bad enough), but\u2014\n\nI've never had anyone be so intentionally cruel to me.  And I lived through middle school!  \n\nWhy, having been given the information that someone has panic disorder\u2014struggles with it every day\u2014why, *why* would you intentionally try to trigger them?\n\n\"Panic about the goddamned rules.\"\n\n*Fuck you, fuck your struggle, fuck the fact that you were trying to reach out to others.  Fuck good intentions, fuck your medical condition, fuck everything about you.  You posted a picture on the internet that I don't like, so I hope you have a goddamned fucking panic attack.*\n\nSomeone was mean to me on the internet.  \n\nIt's a dumb reason to be sad, to have your feelings hurt.  It's a really goddamned fucking *stupid* reason to have a panic attack.\n\nMan, I'm so sad right now.\n\n", "answer": "I've had anxiety attacks, cried, my depression really got to me, & wanted to kill myself over countless online messages. You should not feel ashamed that you had this panic attack. As someone else said, he was rude. This is common on the internet, but just know that you are loved & are supported by a lot of people also. Please, keep drawing & don't feel stupid!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hn6c6", "comment_id": "caw9wgl"}, {"question": "Open relationship with My boyfriend?", "description": "Recently, My boyfriend asked me to be in an open relationship. Background: we have been dating for over two years and live together. He has frequently said he loves me like hes never loved anyone and that he wants to marry me someday.\n\nAbout two months ago, i lost My job and had problems that kept me from going to school. I was broke and depressed. Despite his begging me to live with him and be monogamous and supportive, he began arguing with me about money which had me feeling more depressed and hopeless. So, i applied for a good paying job in a city. (We live in a rural \u00e1rea with few jobs). \n\nI got a call back for the job and that vey day, i received news that My grandmother died so we both decided i may as well go to The interview as id have to head south anyway.\n\nAfter two weeks of talking with him about this, i had his blessing, I took The job and left for The city and stayed AT a friends. Every night he called me and we talked for hours, missing each other. A few days later, i couldnt take it and he was sad to\u00f3 so i asked him how he felt About me going back. He was happy and agreed. We made terms that we would be supportive, loving and exclusive. I quit My job and went back.\n\nHe kept telling me he loves me wants to marry eventually and have My children. We had been having a great time and we had been exclusive (or so i thought). \n\nA few days ago he asked to be open because he met a Girl. They had already gone on a few dates\n I have always typically consideres poly reasonable and natural but instead i feel betrayed. I left a job and we agreed to be mon\u00f3gamos just a month ago. He is The inscure type so i have to reassure him constantly that im faithful. Now i feel we live a double standard relationship. I am angry AT him for letting me leave a job and making me agree to terms he broke quickly. \n\n\nSee, ive been exclusive with him for years. I asked him if id be #1 or #2 and he said #1 for now. He is trying to blame me as its My fault because i left for that job for a few days. I feel hurt because we talked About My job for 2 weeks and agreed. He begged me to come back and now i feel left on My ass. I dont know what to Do\n\nUpdate: i got The girls number and called her  without my boyfriend knowing. She told me he had been lying to her to\u00f3, saying he was breaking up with me. She said they had slept together on a lunch break of his. He had told me they never even kissed.", "answer": "Yes that certainly is a betrayal. It seems that you want a monogamous relationship and unless he can commit to you as fully as before I don't think the relationship is going to be what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdqaf", "comment_id": "de9a7gc"}, {"question": "2 years w/o a drink or drug today and I'm ready to walk away from AA and NA completely, fucking hypocrites.", "description": "I can not stand to have someone criticize me from an ignorant point of view. I successfully complete what 97 out of 100 drunks can't do and get told I'm not doing it right cause I'm not a christian...fuck these people. I was a chronic stage 3 terminal drunk 2 years ago and while I may not be healthy as a horse today I haven't had a single desire to drink in 23 months. sure it took 18years in the program to get this milestone, but please just cut me a break, I must have done something right. I guess I better back up. I'm all about a literal interpretation of the BB and the traditions. I made a comment about how some of the things taken for granted in this backwater weren't actually written that way in the BB and it was up to an individual interpretation. The example I used was the third step prayer. Bill Wilson specifically states \" The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea...\" suddenly I'm a punching bag for the BB thumpers who never bothered to read the fucking thing. I have repeatedly, nay endlessly tried to offer an optional point of view in meetings so the confused newcomer may have a choice about letting these ignoramuses run them out to die drunk because of their own christian prejudices ...I'm about done. /rant", "answer": "I was in AA for 7 years in the bible belt of the US. Since day 1 I couldn't handle how some people rewrote AA to fit their Christian beliefs. Not everyone was like that, so I found myself gravitating towards people who weren't and flourished. I even learned to tolerate the BB thumpers. THEN I move to Paris, France and attended AA. Let's just say...you should move there. Problem solved.\nEdit: Hell, I don't know how to spell in English anymore.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "15zt6d", "comment_id": "c7rgzg9"}, {"question": "In Depression, the Reward System Is Key", "description": "Many of us are depressed because we are deprived of reward. We are not stimulating ourselves the way we were meant to. We are stuck in a perpetual groundhog day with no excitement. We don't enjoy anything. We don't feel interested in anything. There is more depression in the first world than the third world. Why? Because people in the third world have to fight for something. They have to struggle. In the first world, we have so little struggle many of us simply get chronically bored. The way we get better is by training our brain to feel pleasure again. We have to do things we don't want to. We have to force ourselves to try and talk to people and date even if we don't want. Put ourselves through school even if we don't want to.\nI'm still stuck being bored. I haven't been able to succeed at my own theory yet, but I know that has to be the key. I'm not depressed, I'm chronically bored. It may take years, but I have to try everything possible to feel pleasure again. I'm only 17; so my options are very limited. But as opportunities open up, I have to take them; even if I don't want to.", "answer": "Very well written.  I plan on writing an article in my blog soon all about this.  I like to have my clients think of their depression as a psychic parasite living inside them.  It tricks our minds into thinking that we won't/don't enjoy all of the things that are good for us (that would reduce/eliminate the depression) and tells us to do the things that will feed it ie. Stay inside, oversleep, cancel plans with friends, not eat, etc.  \n\nIf you want to kick the depression out you really need to force yourself to go against some of your depressed instincts or automatic thoughts.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sg7bl", "comment_id": "dlclgwb"}, {"question": "My fiance won't let me hang out with any of my old female friends.", "description": "So I (36/M) used to have 2 or 3 platonic female friends who I would get together with occasionally. But my fiance (29/F) says now that we're engaged, I can't see these women one-on-one anymore. Mostly, I just miss having regular running and tennis partners (my fiance doesn't do either of these activities). Is she in the right here? Are you supposed to give up friendships with the opposite sex when you get married? Thanks.", "answer": "You have a right to any platonic friend you want to have. Period.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "771zm4", "comment_id": "doif7fo"}, {"question": "Is it over?", "description": "I seriously need some advice. I've been seeing this guy for about 6 months. Everything was great until the last few weeks. We've travelled to several places together, hung out at least once a week since meeting up. The last few weeks, I feel like he's been distant, I haven'tseen him in 2 weeks, he keeps saying he's burnt out from work (construction worker). \nWe had plans a week ago to go for dinner but apparently he feel asleep. Then HE made plans for tonight but then doesn't respond to text messages or phone calls (I'm thinking he's either asleep or avoiding me). We live only 5 miles away from each other (20-30 minute driving). I understand that he's tired but how should I tell him that it's either you get over the exhaustion and see me or it's not worth it, or I am over analysing the situation?? \n\nWe're 28 and 29 yo.*", "answer": "be direct with him about what he's thinking and feeling about the rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6avrxb", "comment_id": "dhhtx4m"}, {"question": "I am able to use my personal computer at work for ~40 hours a week, what are some useful skills I can start learning to help me in the professional world?", "description": "I'm a retail manager in a dying mall and my time here is certainly limited. However, while I'm here and not busy I want to start using my time more efficiently. I have picked up a program to help me learn another language and I am trying to get into programming as well, but I've only started that a few days ago so we'll see how far I can go with that. I'd love to go back to college someday and finish a degree but money is always tight so for now I'm looking to expand my skills as much as possible to help me get into a better job/career path sooner rather than later. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "Programmers are wanted in many countries and I think its a relatively doable skill to learn from a pc.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "b5ce0t", "comment_id": "ejcid2z"}, {"question": "Serious question with opinionated answers", "description": "Not looking to start a religious debate here but was looking for everyone's opinion about wine as sacrament/communion. I grew up in the church but am not very churchy however I went last Sunday for a family baptism and I accepted the wine as my sacrament (the church also offers grape juice) it was the same day I decided to begin my sobriety so I'm not counting it against my badge, just wondering what other's opinions of it were. Would you count it against your sobriety? I have a close family member who has been in AA my entire memory and they always take the grape juice. Can anyone share what the AA policy on communion is?", "answer": "No opinion on outside issues would be AA's official policy I assume, but as far as members go I'm almost certain most AA's take grape juice. I can't say I know though as I've never taken communion.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1o56ui", "comment_id": "ccoyo89"}, {"question": "Different therapist, different diagnosis... What's wrong!?", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI have a long history of mental illness and therapy, spanning all the way back to 2005. Mostly depression and panic attacks. I've seen some psychotherapists and some psychiatrists over that time. Most of the time I had to change the doc because I moved somewhere else (usually I'm glad I found one at all, you don't get to choose most of the time).\n\nSo, now my problem is this. I just saw another new psychiatrist, since we moved again. And I told my story, giving her an overview. At the end of the meeting, she had added/changed diagnosis to the list she got from my previous doc. Apparently I have a kind of PTSD now... I don't want to doubt her expertise or something and of course everyone has a different style of treatment, I'm just wondering: how can this be? After 15 years still new diagnosis? Am I doing something wrong when telling my story? It just seems so random and I'm totally confused what's happening...\n\n\nEDIT: thank you for your answers. I'll definitely will try to talk with my doc about it.\nI think my main concern with that is that's kind of shaking the foundation of my illness. Up until now the doctors said that a genetic disposition is causing my depression, now that doc says it is caused by trauma. But I never had a traumatic event or physical violence in my childhood. At least I didn't considered them as that. Maybe I'm just afraid that I have to start from the beginning in unraveling all things.", "answer": "It is completely ok to ask \"What event do you think is related to my PTSD?\" \n\nIt is very possible that neither psychiatrist is wrong , but that something else changed. One big thing that may have changed is time. \n\n15 years ago, diagnostic criteria for several disorders , including  PTSD was different than it is now.  For example , 15 years ago,  most sexual assaults were not sufficient for a diagnosis.  Now , they are , and also other types of non direct exposure.  \n\nAnother thing that has changed in 15 years is that it is no longer very common to believe a \"genetic predisposition \" alone causes depression. We know that genetics play a role (a specific genetic marker was identified in 2003) but there is much more to it. People with a depressed relative are 2-3x more likely to be depressed themselves,  but several factors are involved.  \n\nI understand that this must feel frustrating and, like you said,  it shakes up the foundation of everything you knew about your illness . These feelings are completely valid . Please discuss this with your psychiatrist so that you can better understand what changed and work through these feelings .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geh06c", "comment_id": "fq52n3d"}, {"question": "Sudden heart racing... is it dangerous?", "description": "I was doing heavy bench pressing and after one of the sets my heart started pounding super fast and hard all of a sudden (about 180 per minute). I was not out of breath, nor did I feel tired. The heart rate would not go down.\n\nI decided to leave the gym, and after about 10 minutes my heart rate finally dropped.\n\nThis is not the first time. It happened to me last week as I was doing heavy deadlifts. Both time, it took about 15 minutes before my heart rate went back to normal. My normal rest heart rate is around 70.\n\nShould I stop weight training for a while and start doing some steady cardio (I'm in my early 30s, 6'2, 220lbs)?\n\nI don't drink coffee at all. My life is pretty steady and I'm not stressed by anything. I get around 8 hours sleep per night.\n", "answer": "Hm. You should probably see a doctor. Could be a number of things, including heart block.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x1cd8", "comment_id": "defa6ag"}, {"question": "My therapist told me they are not attracted to me: I feel rejected but also hopeful", "description": "My therapist told me they are not attracted to me: I feel rejected but also hopeful \n\nI told my therapist I was experiencing erotic transference and was attracted to them again today.\nThey said they feel really clear about not being attracted to me and how they never would cross that boundary because it is not ethical. They told me they still care about me even though they are not attracted to me. We talked about how because of my Child sexual abuse history, i always associated caring/love with sexuality.. so it feels like they are taking away love for not being sexually interested. We talked about how there is transference going on where I am idealizing them because they represent what I needed and never got from a caregiver. I told them there is a part of me that feels I can make them like me and I wanted to know why they weren\u2019t attracted to me. They said they were going to set a boundary there and not answer those questions.\n\nI told them I felt mad at them and rejected for saying that they were not attracted to me. I told them it made me feel like I was unattractive since I have based my worth on others\u2019 opinions and validation. I asked them if they felt disgusted with me for liking them. They said no, they were not disgusted. They said they understood where the disgust was coming from.. it may be because I am feeling disgust thinking about how my dad crossed inappropriate sexual boundaries and also because I am being queer for being attracted to my therapist (I am a woman and they are transmasculine/queer).\n\nI told them I feel hopeful and safer now that I know they would not cross that boundary/are not even attracted to me. This is important work and breakthrough! Someone is caring about me without wanting a sexual incentive!! I still have hurt feelings and ego though, for them not being attracted to me.\n\nDo you all think they could have said they were not attracted to me in a gentler way?\n\nThis is a good session, though.. I\u2019d say. Support would be appreciated! Thank you :)", "answer": "Hey I work as a therapist and lurk in this sub (to better understand and support this community) and I wanted to say you did amazing work, and you have yourself a very good therapist there. These are tough but important conversations to have and both of you navigated it beautifully. Sounds like it was a very healing experience for you!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "fov993", "comment_id": "flincf4"}, {"question": "Is ADHD caused by a chemical imbalance.", "description": "Hello psychiatrist of the world, I\u2019m an 18 year old child suffering from ADHD, depression and anxiety. To be quite honest my life is spiralling downwards to suicide. However I have reached out to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I was tested and was told that I definitely have ADHD. I was wondering the causes of ADHD and there is a lot of conflict on what the causes are, so my question to you is that is ADHD really caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain? \n( please try to answer as simply as possible as I am not the most knowledgeable or understanding at the moment) and please answer?", "answer": "The biology of psychiatric disorders, including ADHD, isn\u2019t well understood. \u201cChemical imbalance\u201d is definitely a gross oversimplification when it isn\u2019t outright wrong.\n\nPerhaps a useful question is what helps. Even if ADHD isn\u2019t caused by a problem with dopamine or norepinephrine signaling, medications that increase those reduce ADHD symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjc3dy", "comment_id": "evcf5lo"}, {"question": "How did I survive my sleeping pill overdose?", "description": "I mean, I\u2019m really happy that I did. But I always thought they would kill you so I was surprised to wake up after taking 48 25mg sleeping pills, I learned later they were diphenhydramine. How did I survive so many pills? I feel really bothered, in the sense that I can\u2019t convince myself I actually survived, though I\u2019m happy to be conscious wherever I am now. Now I\u2019m scared I\u2019m dead, in a coma, or in another reality. Dumb, I know. I\u2019m 30, female, 140 pounds.", "answer": "\"Sleeping pills\" are not all the same. For most, lethal overdose is possible, but actually very unlikely. Death by overdose in suicide attempts occurs in a tiny minority of cases. Diphenhydramine overdose can cause or worsen hallucinations, and it can be very physically unpleasant, but it's rarely risky.\n\nHearing voices telling you to kill yourself could be a number of conditions, all of them treatable. A doctor who just said, \"Yes, you loved, no permanent damage,\" dropped the ball. Ideally see a psychiatrist and describe your experience, then and now; discussing with your primary care doctor is certainly a good start.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f81gzc", "comment_id": "fijmwst"}, {"question": "Should let him go?", "description": "My bf and I am have been dating for few years now. We had a rough start but we were madly in love with each other. I found out he had been talking to girls online in the first year of our relation which made a huge dent in our relation. I forgave him but it made me into a suspicious maniac. He always gave excuses like I wasn't ready to be so serious and blaming it on his ex relationship. He has evolved in the years and we have come close to marriage now. Our families are just waiting for the announcement anytime. I recently found out that he had been sexting some random chic again like 6 months ago while he was out of state to work. He had been in the same workplace as this woman. It was a brief thing during that time, that he says was just sexting but I don't want to believe it. I know he isn't seeing anyone now or sexting. We have an amazing sex life but he blames these things (when caught) on either some fight we were having or My suspicious behavior. But whenever I have suspected and tried to figure stuff out I have found something. I am torn. I love him a lot and so does he but when something of such nature comes into light he seems like a total different person, a nasty stranger. These women he flirts with are always less attractive and I feel like he has a type. It disgusts me but I can't put my family and my feelings aside to think straight. And he emphasizes on privacy so much. I don't understand it. I see other couples and see them as one but he just wants his privacy so much which makes me more suspicious.  Please advice.", "answer": "He blames you for him not being able to keep his own word. High risk of ongoing bullshit here, marriage or not. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694ojm", "comment_id": "dh3qb2a"}, {"question": "[17M] HELP! I accidentally injected air into myself", "description": " I wasn't thinking and injected my blood thinner needle of air into myself. I only inject about 4mL of air but I'm really starting to freak out. I injected at a 45 degree angle into my belly fat.  \n\n Medication I\u2019m currently on: 81MG of baby aspirin once at night and two doses of 7.5 mL of Lovenox blood thinners. All to prevent blood clots due to me having Portal Vein Thrombosis.", "answer": "As the other poster said, injection of air into an artery is very bad. Injection into a vein is bad only if it's a very large amount. Subcutaneous injection, as you would with Lovenox, is no problem. Most likely it has just come out with the needle, but it won't cause problems even if it takes a while to absorb.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "df33r0", "comment_id": "f30qcpz"}, {"question": "Should I quit work?", "description": "I (18M) work 5 hours a day as a grocery clerk. Work is tiring, boring and recently has become pretty strict. My 2 breaks have been cut into 1, I have to ask a manager if I can go on break, and I can no longer listen to music while I work. I\u2019m also trying to improve myself but I never feel like I have the energy to do so. I also get depressed because I think of work. It\u2019s not terrible, but I feel like I don\u2019t have the time/energy to improve myself because of it. I\u2019m thinking about working the holiday, then quitting and going to community college and try to figure out what I want to do in life. The pay isn\u2019t all that great and isn\u2019t worth it to me. I have a lot of money saved up. Should I quit when the holidays are over and focus more on myself?", "answer": "I second trying to find another job first. That way you have a backup plan and way to support yourself, even if the pay is a little less. Or, stay at your current job until you get enrolled in CC.\n\nTake a look at what the CC has to offer and budget out how much you'll need to pay in tuition, and how much you spend each month on food, rent, utilities, etc. If you quit your job, how long will that savings last? Will you have enough money leftover for things like textbooks or unexpected emergencies? I do think getting that education will be worth it for you, but you have to make sure you have a way to support yourself. \n\nRemember to apply for any financial aid you can find for CC. Fill out the FAFSA - you'll need your last 2 years of tax return/income info but I'm sure you'll qualify for some federal aid. \n\nAnother possible option - maybe you could ask to work fewer shifts at your current job? Or take up a part-time job elsewhere.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e65u69", "comment_id": "f9o0hmn"}, {"question": "unknown illness, please help,my doctors don't seem to listen.", "description": "good afternoon reddit community,\n\nfirst of all, in truth this is my first ever post, so im sorry if im posting to the wrong sub. Also this is a long post, you have been warned!\n\ni am 32 and live in the uk. female, about 5;2 and have been steadily getting more and more ill for the at 2ish years.\n\nit started with exhaustion, i am asthmatic and the doctors put it down to me not having the correct inhalers, after about 3 months of visits we finally settled on the correct dosage (fostair inhaler 200/6 as a preventer mmorning and night and aventolin inhaller for as and when i needed it) Yet still i was getting exhausted all the time. again after repeat visits over the course of the next 4 months, the doctor final did some blood tests. he found i had a severe vitamin D and folic acid deficiency and i was prescribed vitamins. after a couple of weeks i felt a little better, my mood was definitely better, i was less snappy and grumpy, but the exhaustion hadn't gone away, though i was able to copy with it better because my mood was more positive.\n\nfast forward another few months, all the previous appointments, id spoken about pain in my ankles when walking alot,this had been ignored, but now it was getting unbearable. when ever i walked any where quickly pain would start in my ankle on the top were it connects to my foot, the in a line down the back of my calf, then my feet would go numb, this was very painful and made walking difficult, like i was just slapping my feet on the floor. the doctor gave me an anti inflammatory called naproxen but this seemed to have no effect other than effecting my asthma so i didnt take it.\n\ni was then away for work for a couple of months, so could go back, when i got home my knees had started hurting. i went to he doctors again, they gave me a different anti inflammatory and said to rest. again this affected my asthma so couldnt take it. at this point i was fed up of going to the doctors, so didnt go back, i rested when i could and just kind of got used to the constant pain after a day at work, so whyen it started hurting all the time i just put it to the back of my mind and lived with it, putting it down to getting old. i had a few doctors appointments in the mean time for my pill (cerelle) or asthma check ups, i mentioned it again, but was just told to exercise.\n\nthen the pain started in my shoulders, at this point i was also experiencing pain in my groin/hips, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my knees so i was just blocking it out. i went in to my doctors again, i sat down and said before i begin, i do not want a sick note, im not depressed, i just want help to not be in pain any more. he seemed to take notice and referred me to the rheumatism specialist at the hospital. it took a month for me to get an appointment booking letter, i rang immediately, they booked me an appointment and said the date would be on a letter they would send. it arrived. my appointment was for 6 months time. i stayed positive, at least i would finally get an answer.\n\nanother couple of months pass and i just cant take the pain anymore, im not sleeping well and this is effecting every aspect of my life. i go back to the doctors, the give me Tramadol and write to the hospital to move up my appointment date.\n\ni am finally mostly with out pain for the first time in the longest time. i can sleep but also feel slightly wobbly and drunk all the time, i am able to work at my old pace and get on with my life again. my appointment is moved up to next month, i slowly try to stop taking the Tramadol, the pain returns slowly with it.\n\nat my hospital appointment i spoke to a friendly female doctor who writes things down and asks questions, has me lay down and moves my knee cap around. she calls the department professor who asks about me, asks if im depressed, then makes excuses to leave with the female doctor. she comes back in, prescribes me celecoxib (one in the morning) and amitriptyline (10mg in the evening) and gave me an injection in the top of my right buttock. then they took lots of blood and She told me they had no answers but to try this and see a physio of graduated exercise.\n\ni hurt all over but my knees where worst. the injection they told me should make me feel better for up to 2 months. the area where they injected continued to hurt for 2 weeks. my next appointment was in 2 months time. the celecoxib made movement easier but only dulled the pain a little. they had told me with conditions like this i would have to learn to live with the pain. so i tried. the physio came me small exercises to do every other day and see him in 2 weeks (ankle raises, step ups, sliding down the wall holding my knees bent) i tried, lasted about a week, then i could hardly move with out wanting to cry out. i went back, he cut them in half and again see him in 2 weeks. i tried again, only once, when i felt still worse because of it i stopped. my shoulders had hurt badly for a while but now i couldnt move my head with out wanting to pass out because of the pain. i went back to the physio, he refused to see me and made me an emergency doctors appointment. they gave me some dihydro-cosine for the pain and said the muscles in my shoulders had spasm'd that's what caused the pain. it was excruciating. it came in waves, it hurt so much to move my head or arms at all, and then the dihydro-cosine made it worse, giving me a migraine. i resorted to rest and normal paracetamol. after about a week it started to fade, though my shoulders remained tense.\n\nThen was my next hospital appointment. i explained it felt worse and told him about the physio and my shoulders and that i hadnt slpet well. he said that could be a symptom of what was wrong with me and that i needed more sleep as that can make it worse. He increased my amitriptyline to 20mg and the told me to increase it again to 40mg after two weeks. if i was having a bad pain day to take 2 of the celecoxib (200mg) in the morning also. then he gave me 2 steroid injections in the cavities in my shoulders and said it that didn't help to go back to the doctor and ask for them to write to the hospital so they could bring my appointment forward.\n\nSo here i am 3 weeks after that, my shoulders still hurt and yesterday i had to come home from work because i am having difficulty walking. i went to the doctors who wrote it all down and emailed the hospital. She then told me to rest and put ice or something hot on them. i tried to rest yesterday and i had a bath which helped, but today its still hard to walk. it feels like my knees just arent there? yet stiff at the same time and like they want to go backwards, it feels like my muscles are just wasting away.\n\ni am at a loss. i simply dont know what to do. if anyone has any idea please do comment. i just want to live my life again, i am very fortunate to have a wonderful partner who helps me and an understanding boss but i cant carry on like this.\n\nthank you for taking the time to read, again, sorry for the length but this has been a long journey for me and i didn't no what details would be relevant. the only thing i have left out is the terrible bed side manor of the professor, he is rude and asks like nothing i say is relevant, not to mention that he exposed me to the rest of the hospital in a state of undress after the shoulder injections sweeping out of the room. its a distressing experience every time i go.\n\nhoping anyone can help.\n\nxx", "answer": "[Fibromyalgia](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Fibromyalgia/Pages/Introduction.aspx) is a possibility, but other medics might come up with alternatives.\n\nWhats your medical and psychiatric history? What medications are you prescribed? Any over the counter medications? Alcohol? Smoking (tobacco or cannabis)? Other drugs?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jeh7h", "comment_id": "dbflr2q"}, {"question": "My wife just told me she has bulimia and makes herself throw up after almost every meal. How do I help her get well?", "description": "So far I've told her that were in this together and that I'm going to help her overcome it and not to worry. Then I insisted that she see a psychologist or mental health professional and discuss it with them. She seemed more than willing to do that. Luckily I have pretty decent health insurance. In the mean time what do I do to help her stop? Or help her in general. I know nothing about this disorder aside from surface level info and have never known someone that had it. Thank you for any advice.", "answer": "Good on you for supporting her and encouraging her to get help!\n\nHere's some recommendations on what you two can do while you wait for your first appt:\n\n1. If it can happen sooner, get an appointment with her GP/OB. Having a medical professional involved with an eating disorder is essential. You would ideally want to go between them and a mental health professional. Having a doctor monitor weight fluctuations, nutrition levels, and other body changes due to bulimia is super helpful.\n2. Start documenting things about your wife's eating habits and behavioral patterns. What are the general meal times? How frequently does she eat? Does she thto up immediately after her meal or does she wait a period of time? Are there any meals she won't purge? How much is she eating during meal times? Is there excessive exercise or caloric restriction? All of that is good for both professionals to know.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e0y9j4", "comment_id": "f8jmhzj"}, {"question": "I'm (23F) not sure if this is how a long term relationship feels after the honeymoon phase with my boyfriend (23M)", "description": "So as the title says, although we have dated other people in the past, this is both mine and my boyfriend's first time being in a long-term relationship. We've been together for a year and a half now. \n\nNow, cliche I know, but everything has been quite wonderful between the both of us - we have a lot of common interests and values, respect and care for each other, been very loyal etc. The reason why despite all those qualities I'm concern is because while comparing to when we first started dating, I feel like my boyfriend is not as affectionate or puts as much effort anymore.\n\nWe had a serious discussion late last year over this after not seeing each other for around three weeks because my boyfriend is a student and had exams, and we live around an hour away from each other. I told him I missed him and I was kind of upset he didn't want to see me as badly as I did. He said while he really liked our time together he didn't miss me. I guess I was hurt because when we first started dating he used to tell me he missed me a lot. I have at one point told him I think I have feelings more than \"like\" for him. My family never said \"I love you\" to each other before so I'm not used to saying this to someone seriously. My boyfriend told me while he still really cares and like me, he doesn't love me yet and doesn't know if he will or will not in the future. He has never told any past ex-girlfriends he loved them either. I asked him for his definition of love and he said he's not sure, it's something he feels. So I decided to drop it for now because I thought he was intimidated of the word \"love\". In the end, we both decided to continue dating because we still really want to be together. Also, we promise we'd break up with each other if we feel that we're dragging the other person along. He emphasized he really cares about me and doesn't want me to think he doesn't appreciate what we have.\n\nThe reason why I don't feel he is as affectionate as before is because while he's normally not a sweet talker to anyone, he used to tell me things like he missed me, or he never liked another girl as much, or tell me compliments more often. I just felt more wanted and special to him before. He still holds my hand, cuddles with me, and we have sex. So while together, I can feel physical affection, it's hard to tell his feelings for me when we're apart for a while. And in terms of effort, he used to plan surprise dates, or we'll chill on a weekday too, or he'll like to have a Skype session. He still tries occasionally to do some of the work but I feel exhausted on my end always brainstorming of things to do and finding things online. Lately, I feel like I just ran out of ideas for dates. I know he's super busy during the school year juggling two part time jobs so I try to understand as much as possible and appreciate the time he makes for me. \n\nSo I guess my question is have you been through something similar and if so, what did you do? My boyfriend and I just talk about our issues and try to understand each other, but what should our course of action be to try and make this work out? Is this how a normal long term relationship is or are we both wasting each other's time? I'm just confused on what to do and not sure what to ask.\n\nTL:DR - First long term relationship for both boyfriend and I. Not sure if it's normal to feel like boyfriend is more affectionate and puts more effort in the beginning of the relationship. Now, I don't feel as important to him. ", "answer": "You have to be verbally direct about your needs and wants. In a ltr, there's a flow, a give and take. It's a constant process of re-evaluating and re-negotiating the status quo so everyone is getting what they need. You need to have some big discussions, and if they're not fruitful, go to counseling.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63nieb", "comment_id": "dfvnp9w"}, {"question": "How to strengthen a relationship?", "description": "I am a highschool senior and i am dating a high school junior girl. I know you might say that we're just in high school and we don't know what real love is. Yeah, we don't know what it feels like to live with each other but i want to be able to last enough to get to that stage. What are some things small or big that will strengthen our relationship and get us closer than ever? I just know this girl is amazing and i want to get even closer to her.", "answer": "make sure you have similar values and goals in life. be considerate, kind, thoughtful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60sor7", "comment_id": "df9cl8x"}, {"question": "Questions about asking tough questions in therapy and when is then proper timing?", "description": "Hello all, not sure if this is the right place for this or not but I am realizing that I need to tell my therapist about what is going on in my head. \n\nI'm honestly considering suicide, and I remember back in the introductory sessions he asked me and I lied. He said, \"Have you ever dealt with suicidal thoughts or thoughts that you don't want to be alive anymore?\" and I responded \"Well, yeah kinda, I've thought it would easier not to have to do this if I was dead\" but ultimately I hid it so well I'm fairly confident that he has no idea to what extent it has been going on. \n\nMy question is, I have an appointment in about 5 hours and I know I should say something to him about it but I have a vacation coming up this weekend and really don't want to get locked up before then. Should I just ignore it until I come back from vacation? How do I even breach the subject? I've thought maybe I could say something like this \"I've been having thoughts that should worry me but they don't\" but then I'm afraid he will find out that I'm considering suicide and have me locked up. \n\nI hate this so much! Please help me", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nIt sounds like you have seen an increase in suicidal thoughts and it's unsettling for you. You want to broach the subject with your therapist so you can work through it but are afraid that they will involuntarily admit you inpatient right before your vacation.\n\nWhen someone wants to approach a difficult topic with me, I invite them at the beginning of session to direct the conversation as they like. Sometimes they will come into the office and go \"I want to talk about something difficult\" and then I'm all ears. The fact that you are wanting to talk about the difficulties you've been having with the suicidal thoughts will play into your counselor's risk assessment.\n\nI encourage honesty whenever possible mixed with some realism. When considering speaking with your therapist, some of the questions they might ask include things like \"Have you started formulating a suicide plan? Do you have any lethal means available to you? Have you attempted before? Who in your support system knows about these thoughts?\" If you are willing and able to safety plan with your therapist then that increases your ability to remain at your current level of care.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f5966q", "comment_id": "fhxc98u"}, {"question": "Any tips on how to stay calm yet still have energy?", "description": "Hello all,\n\nI work at a restaurant so naturally it can be a stressful environment that involves late nights and inconsistent schedules. I am a student as well, but the winter semester doesn't start for a couple weeks. I notice how so many people at work and at school can stay so calm yet have all this energy to get so many things done throughout the day/night and they push themselves to work incredibly hard and because of this, they are so successful. Does anyone have any tips to stay calm yet energized? I feel as though I can be one or the other. I just get so frustrated with myself for not getting things done despite making lists and therefore I'm incredibly lazy or I get everything (simple tasks) done and am still stressed because there's always more and it never ends! I prioritize and make goal lists daily but still feel I'm not good enough as others are, that I'm lazy, and that something just isn't right with me. Sometimes I think it's that's just the way I was born and the problem is with my neurochemicals and other times I get caught in this loop of I'm not trying hard enough and I'm not good at anything. Thank you for any advice!\n\n**Tl;dr How can one stay calm and clear-headed in stressful situations but still stay energized enough to get all goals accomplished throughout the day and night?**", "answer": "Have you tried mindfulness? Some people think of it as sitting down and meditating and thus feel it can\u2019t be used in a high energy situation like yours, but it can. One way is to narrate internally to yourself what you are doing. \u201cNow I am walking these dishes back to the kitchen. Step, step, step. Here is the sink. I am placing the dishes in the sink. Now I will get the drinks for Table 12. One coke, one water, two coffees. I will walk them out to Table 12 now. Step, step, step.\u201d\n\nYou don\u2019t have to do this all night long at work, just when you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, although it\u2019ll also be helpful to do when you aren\u2019t at peak anxiety to stave off more intense stress/anxiety responses. This exercise helps you try to focus on your actions and what\u2019s happening presently rather than all of the anxious, racing thoughts in your head. Does it make sense how that has the potential to be calming? This may or may not work well for you since everyone\u2019s different but it\u2019s worth a try!\n\nEdit to add a couple words ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a8dudi", "comment_id": "ec9wms1"}, {"question": "I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.\n\nIt seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Some things concern/scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  In my teen years I also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  Each time I experience a particularly difficult call I get a little more worried.\n\nI know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis.  I know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. I know I shouldn't be \"OK\" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "I'm a clinical psych doctoral student. Ethically, I can't diagnose or provide treatment, but I will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. This is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "ficplxg"}, {"question": "What do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and I (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged. I know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts. \n\nWe planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on. \n\nI'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "What do you gain by this relationship. What do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "f6l9i8m"}, {"question": "Hard time remaining motivated in abstinance", "description": "I know I don't want to do the drugs that got me in trouble now, but I still want to use. Unfortunately I've found that my new favorite alternative to coke is just as addictive and controlling. Logically I should back-pedal the fuck away from this, but after a couple of weeks of remaining abstinent, I lose track of how important living right and not using is, until I fuck up in some way, and life gives me a heads up in some form of trouble. How do you cope with this? - inb4 \"call your sponsor\".", "answer": "Not trying to fulfill your inb4, but if you're in a twelve step group you know the answer to your question\n\nThe fact of the matter is I wanted to use every single day until I started to work the steps. I don't know if you're working a program or not, but if you are I can tell you, not only did the twelve steps get me sober, but they also gave me a new design for life. A life that is happy, joyous, and free. I know what you're talking about when you're sitting there thinking, \"I WANNA USE I WANNA USE I WANNA USE.\" It's miserable and you don't have to live that way.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1p3rpv", "comment_id": "ccyhnia"}, {"question": "Sharing a therapist", "description": "I have a quick question that I couldn't find an answer to online.\n\n​\n\nI have been seeing a therapist for about 7 years. I am down to monthly visits, and quite frankly I don't think I will stop going to a therapist ever. I have had severe depression due to genetics and environment. I will always have a depressive tendency. I prefer to just keep seeing someone as 'maintenance' rather than risk relapse.\n\n​\n\nThat being said, my roommate wants to start seeing a therapist. I made the mistake of mentioning that my therapists name and she is in network for my roommate. Will my therapist see both my roommate and myself  as clients? Would that be a conflict?", "answer": "It's possible that they would.  It's not really considered good clinical practice if there are alternatives that are easily available for your roommate.  \n\nIf your therapist knew this person was your roommate (you can/should probably tell them) and there were plenty of other good therapists around, the best practice for your therapist would be to refer them to someone else.  \n\n\nAll of that aside, if there aren't many other options around, your therapist doesn't think it would interfere with their ability to be unbias towards both of you, or if they start working with the person having no idea they're roommates with you as well, there's a possibility they'd take them on.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blfoq9", "comment_id": "emo1vy0"}, {"question": "Why did my pediatrician not tell me my TSH was elevated?", "description": "I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 19 (TSH at the time 10.6) and now I'm on 50 mcg of levothyroxine, with no symptoms and normal TSH. I recently dug up a few pediatric tests and they included TSH at: 4.5 age 11, 5.1 age 12, 4.5 age 13, 5 age 16. There was another test at age 14 that didn't include it and I didn't go to the checkup at age 15. The last one also included free T4 at 1.61. At the time I had anorexia and was mildly emaciated BMI ~15 every time and height about the ~60th percentile IIRC although I haven't been able to find those records. I looked up reference ranges for pediatric TSH and apparently mine was around 97.5th percentile (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2645400/) plus there's an inverse correlation between weight and TSH (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830292/) and since hypothyroidism is present in 1 to 2% of people (https://academic.oup.com/bmb/article/99/1/39/298307) I feel like given the information available at the time you could reasonably conclude that my lifetime risk of having hypothyroidism was high. My diagnosis was difficult as well because I thought my symptoms were due to underweight. The tests also included a complete hemogram, glucose, lipidogram, electrolytes and a few others that were unremarkable except for high cholesterol. ", "answer": "It's impossible for us to know a why from another doctor years ago. All of those TSH values are just on the upper edge, and the one included T4 is within normal range, so it's possible the decision was to keep an eye on it, which is what happened. In addition, anorexia causes all kinds of hypothalamic-pituitary axis dysfunction, and a BMI of 15 isn't \"mildly\" anything\u2014that is on the border between the diagnostic categories of severe and extreme anorexia nervosa. The hope may have been that normalizing your weight would also normalize your thyroid function.\n\nIn any case, it seems that when your TSH rose to a definitely diagnostic level, you were diagnosed and treated. Other pediatricians might have pursued hypothyrodism more aggressively, but I don't think there's any clear indication that that would be a better medical approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd6pd", "comment_id": "eeumsna"}, {"question": "Can /r/social skills recommend some pre-packaged social interaction?", "description": "My situation is not too uncommon. I am an engineering student with a part time job, I've had no time for friends. This coming semester, I will probably quit my job. I'd like to get back into the social scene. I'll have most evenings free. My class at school is made up of 85 gentlemen and 3 ladies, so I'd like to find something that had a better gender balance. The school I go to is mostly a technical college, so the campus programs are going to be mostly gentlemen again. There are programs for nursing, marketing and business that attract the ladies, but that just adds more social barriers. They are in a different building, and I am only going to see them when they are trying to study. Its a bad situation for a cold approach.\n\nWhen I was in high school, I went to a YMCA youth group. I think I would like to get into something like that again.  I liked that situation a lot, I think the only time I can function in a social setting is where I'm put in a room with a bunch of people and someone tells me who to talk to. Does anything like that exist for college aged people? ", "answer": "Meetup.com is a great option. I also recommend improv theater classes, as well as clubs based around your interest (just google for your interest + your city.) Churches will often have student groups or young adult groups. So lots of different options out there :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "146lby", "comment_id": "c7acqm3"}, {"question": "I saw your picture with your new boyfriend today", "description": "I was about to get started on my essay when I checked instagram and saw your post with your new boyfriend, glass of champagne in both of your hands. Funny. You refused to touch alcohol with me and hated the very taste, and condoned me for having the occasional drink. Funny how things change. \nYou promised to be with me forever, to marry me, and a week later you broke up with me. And two and a half months later you have a new boyfriend. I always knew that stuff about getting into another relationship atleast a year after the breakup was bullcrap. \nI hope you\u2019re happy. I hope he keeps you happy and safe. You must be elated with not having to do long distance anymore. I hope he is a nice guy and gives you what you need. You always told me your ideal guy was a tall, dark-complexioned guy who is smart and studies science. I think you found him. I just never thought you\u2019d leave me for one. \nI hope he can help you with your depression and panic attacks. I used to refer to a website to help and comfort you when you had anxiety attacks. Hopefully the new guy won\u2019t need that. \nSometimes I feel like this is a bad, horrible dream. I\u2019ll wake up to your beautiful good morning texts wishing me a lovely day. But then reality comes crashing down on me. \nI love you a lot, my sweetheart. I miss poking your nose and tickling you and I miss running the back of my fingers on your cheeks.  I miss our late night calls and I miss seeing your beautiful grin. I miss your family. I don\u2019t know how I\u2019ll ever get over you. I\u2019m just going to look at this picture till it stops hurting me. \nI miss you so much, it hurts. But I\u2019d rather die than let you know all this.  \n\nEDIT: Wow, this gained a lot more visibility than I thought it would.  Thank you to everyone who took out time to write something positive. I immensely appreciate all the advice and the thoughtful comments. I followed the advice and did the needful- blocked her off all social media, all messengers, deleted her number as well. It was a tough move, but it had to be done. Now I can focus on moving on and getting my life back together.  Thank you. \n\nTo everyone going through something similar, or any sort of hard times...talk about it. Talk to your friends,  family, if you\u2019re not comfortable with that, talk here,\npm me, anything. It helps. Don\u2019t bury the sadness inside you. Time might heal everything, but you still gotta deal with the pain. Godspeed. ", "answer": "Oh man I know all of those feelings. My Ex dumped me because they couldn't do long distance any more. I thought I would marry them, we've talked about it. I was pretty close with their family. I helped them go through depression and panic attacks. I was always there for them. They'd post snaps about them going out shortly after we broke up and it ripped my heart into pieces. They said they would want to stay in contact, but they never put for the effort to do so, so it just felt like a lie. They had another panic attack and begged me to help them, since no one else did, so I did. After that is was the same  that they wanted to still talk, but never put in the effort. I was alone, and did not have anyone to turn to since they were my only form of support. \n\nThinking back to it there were little things that added up, that I just ignored. I felt at times it was a 90/10 split and I just felt so drained for putting in so much effort into the relationship, and they didn't reciprocate. I did try jumping into a new relationship fairly quickly and it failed. I knew the time wasn't right and I needed to take time to myself. I shouldn't force something upon myself to fill a void. \n\nRight now I have someone new in my life, and things are going well. I did not intentionally mean to meet someone like this, but it happened. If they do not work out, they don't work out. I know things are shit right now, and you feel like there is a hole in your heart. It takes time to heal wounds; physically and mentally. Take this time to be your self, someone will come into your life when you least expect it.\n", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7f89vf", "comment_id": "dqaa1n9"}, {"question": "Lost and confused.", "description": "So , just recently my GF and I of 14 years split . We had our normal ups and downs over the years. \nOver the last 4 months, she lost her job for stealing , I caught her texting multiple guys, multiple times , and finally just hit the wall where I couldn't take it anymore. \nI cant be around her because I am completely crushed, and destroyed. Though I have tried. Most of my stuff is still at the house we shared. I cant bring myself to even go get anything. \nI have slept a few hours in the past few days, I can barely eat , and can hardly keep anything down , relying mostly on soda for calorie intake at this point. Smoking way more than I should and drinking every few nights just to be able to pass out and get some sleep. \nSeriously having a hard time picking myself up , not even sure if I want to . At this point all options are on the table .", "answer": "Sounds rough. Breakups suck, but it sounds like she\u2019s not someone you want to be with. Better to end it like you did and then work through the pain of it. You will be much better off when you get on the other side of it. In the meantime crank \u201cNo Love\u201d by Eminem and Lil Wayne and say fuck her.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c81bkr", "comment_id": "esj4etm"}, {"question": "I'm losing weight (bad) and am having trouble finding time to eat.", "description": "I'm a college student and I'm up to my neck in work. I don't mind it, it's fun actually. What's not fun is how much weight I've been losing. I've probably dropped 10 pounds or so in the past month (I take Adderall which makes me forget to eat). I'm already underweight and this isn't good. I just never seem to have enough time to cook anything and I'm worried that I'll continue to lose weight. I've begun to eat double of what I used to at breakfast, but I don't know if that's enough. Help?", "answer": "It might be helpful to talk with your prescriber, he/she may have some suggestions on how to handle the decreased appetite side effect. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "2mf2av", "comment_id": "cm3mqvc"}, {"question": "I think I'm going to be ok...", "description": "Ok so this is my first time posting on here. This is a long post so feel free to skim. \nHere is my story:\n\nIn August 2018 I was 122kg and absolutely miserable. I started the keto diet and within the first month it was clear to me that this was something I could do. I stuck with it and continued to drop more and more weight. Every so often we (my husband and I) would break our diet and have a day off to eat whatever. Which was fine, until I began to realise that I would put on about 1kg everytime we did this. Also I became obsessed with my weight, weighing myself everyday multiple times. \n\nI don't remember the exact date, and I don't know how I even decided to do it because I HATED throwing up. But one day after eating crap all day and having a break from keto I made myself throw up. And the next day,  I was still the same weight. It was like a lightbulb moment. I could do this whenever I broke keto, and because it was only once every couple of weeks it wasn't a problem. This was probably sometime in October.\n\nThis continued for a couple of months, no big deal I told myself. That was until Christmas time rolled around. We had days of family dinners and whatnot planned and there was no way I was going to allow myself to put on any weight. I spent one week straight making myself throw up everyday. Crap. Now it was becoming a problem. \n\nJanuary rolled around and we went back onto keto properly. At this stage I had lost 30kg. But now even when I was eating keto if I weighed to much at the end of the day, I would purge. Anyway,  I don't know what happened but slowly we just kept falling off the wagon and were eating more and more crap. But I wasn't having it and continued to purge whenever this happened. \n\nEventually I was purging everyday sometimes 3 times a day after every meal. This went on from January to July. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was doing it everywhere; at home, in the shower, at my family's house, at my in laws house, at the shopping centre. I could literally feel the effects taking strain on my body. I constantly had ulcers in my mouth, my throat was sore. I had lumps inside my throat that wern't there before. My stomach had stretched so much that I would never feel full, then I would throw everything up till it felt empty. My blood pressure was really low (90/65) and I was having tooth aches.  On top of this we are trying to have a baby. I was terrified that what I was doing was going to ruin our chances of having another child. \nAnd yet I couldn't stop. I was obsessed. I would throw up, jump on the scales and if I wasn't happy with the number I would go throw up some more.  \n\nThis all came to a peak last week. I had an appointment at a fertility clinic. She asked me about my weight, I told her I lost 40kg on keto and now weighed 82kg. She praised me and couldnt believe it. She said it would be a really good idea it I went back on keto to help with our fertility journey. But I didn't say anything about purging.\n\nAfter this we went on a camping trip with our church and I continued to sneak off to the toilet to throw up. I was so over it. I needed to stop. I promised myself that on Monday at would start keto and stop purging. Sunday came and we were leaving camp and I was really sick with the flu. I was still eating whatever but when I went to purge I just couldn't do it. My throat was so swollen and sore I just sat and cried next to the toilet. That ended up being day 1. The first day in months I hadn't thrown up.  \n\nBut I didn't trust myself.  I knew that if I kept this too myself, even if I was doing keto I would probably still purge anyway. On Sunday night I told my husband and he was shocked. Like he literally had no idea, but he said it made so much sense. Because I was constantly weighing myself and stayed the same weight while he out on like 10kg. \n\nAnyway I'm nearly at the end. Telling him was my way of keeping myself accountable. He said he wants the toilet door open always, I agreed. On Monday we both started keto together and I have not purged once. I have had urges. I have had mini vomits come into my mouth. But I havent wavered. I think I'm going to be ok. I'm still weighing myself but mentally I'm strong and keto is working and I've lost 1kg already. It's been 1 week without purging. \nI'm just hoping that this hasn't ruined my body or our chances of a second child. I feel stupid. I feel ashamed. But I know I'm not alone. And if anyone else is in recovery too, we can do this. \n\nTLDR:\nStarted keto. Used purging to keep my weight the same when I broke keto. Eventually stopped keto and was purging everyday up to 3 times for about 6 months. Started having bad side effects and told husband. Currently in recovery on day 7 without purging.\n\nPS. I'm not really expecting anyone to comment on this, but I think I just needed to write this out. For me.", "answer": "I hope you find a road to recovery with as few boulders as possible \ud83e\udd17", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "cii37d", "comment_id": "ev85bp0"}, {"question": "When did you know it was time to terminate therapy?", "description": "I've never been in this situation before. I've been struggling for the past 10 years or so and am finally in a good, stable place. My therapy sessions have become \"check-ins\" Last night we talked about termination as a possibility. It feels like it might be time, but I'm pretty nervous about it. I feel like as soon as I declare \"I no longer need therapy!\" *that's* when a huge depression or crisis hits. \n\nAnyone ever terminate before? How did you know it was time? What worked well for you going forward?", "answer": "I think once it gets to a point where you aren't really looking forward to appointments or the sessions seem to drag because there isn't much to talk about, it's time to stop or take a break.  \n\nRemember, if the same old stuff pops back up or even new stuff where you decide you need therapy again, you can always go back.  This time, you know someone and may be able to return to them so it's not like it's starting fresh.  \n\nI equate it to finding a good tattoo artist.  It's not like you're getting a haircut and you always need a haircut so you go to the same person every few weeks or so but it's similar.  You find a tattoo artist who did good work for you, you're happy with it.  The next time you want another one you can hopefully go back to the same person as needed.  \n\nI've had people come to me for therapy in complete distress, work with me for 8 months, terminate because things were going great.  Then I'd see them again a year later, usually for shorter term to sort out some things.  \n\nFeel like I'm rambling a bit now but hope this helps.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zo0q4", "comment_id": "duprni9"}, {"question": "Sudden mood drop", "description": "Hi, so this morning I woke up and I was feeling a little sad for what I think was no reason (since nothing had happened for me to feel that way). After an hour or so, I started feeling better and went on with my day as normal. I went to school, did what I had to do, laughed and smiled- Even had a class where we all legitimately got curled up in a corner and fell asleep for a full hour (We're a small class, all very united- Like family. And yes, high school, just to point out.). Anyway, after school... I got home, and suddenly I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt lonely. I felt unwilling. Out of nowhere! I am still currently feeling this way- And I still don't know why. Could this be a problem? Bipolar disorder? Depression? Anything related or unrelated? Thank you, for any help.", "answer": "Not going to offer any diagnoses, but from the brief snippet of your day today, I am feel confident that you are not manifesting the traditional symptoms of bipolar disorder.  We all have random and sometimes indescribable changes in our moods.  Sometimes they last for an hour or two, possibly all day.  We can definitely wake up in the morning in a funk, but as the day goes on, things start to get better and our moods lighten.  This does not mean we are suffering from a mental illness, it means we are human.  \n\nPeople who suffer from bipolar disorder experience episodes of depression and mania (at least for bipolar 1).  These states exist on polar opposite ends of the spectrum from each other, hence the name bipolar.  In such a small, close, family-like class, I suspect someone would quickly become aware if you began to manifest these symptoms.  \n\nAlso, feeling uncomfortable emotions doesn't mean that we are sick or there's a problem.  High school isn't exactly the best place to be, IMHO, so I would reflect on which feelings may be accurate and normal versus those that are wayyyy out of your character.  If, one day, you come home to find your sister drank your last soda and you threw her tv out the window, that's something you probably want to mention.  Try writing your feelings out in a journal, then ripping it up and throwing them away if you don't want them around.  That can be a very therapeutic activity.  Typing or writing, just get it out.  The actual act of talking and knowing someone is hearing your words is also therapeutic, even if the person listening doesn't say much.  Give yourself a hug and, as hard as this may sound, try not to be hard on yourself if you're feeling down.  Get some good sleep, eat a healthy meal, and take some personal time out for yourself, if you can.\n\nI hope you feel better.  :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5o0uz", "comment_id": "eboj8dm"}, {"question": "What form of therapy do I need or should I be considering? Also, is a list of topics I\u2019d like to eventually address an odd thing to give to a potential counselor?", "description": "I\u2019ve really been leaning towards DBT, but I\u2019m not sure yet and am seeking advice. \n\nI have many current personal issues and habits I\u2019d like to improve within myself. I have recent traumas that need addressed. I also have prior traumas and instances that date back to early childhood. I feel like many of my current issues and insecurities stem from my past. I\u2019m also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a lot of which I\u2019ve worked through and learned, such as boundaries and the like. I am still learning as I go which is obviously why I\u2019m seeking therapy and help. \n\nI am also going to try to be as transparent as I can with my therapist. I have a history of not doing so in the past because of shutting down. I really want the help and a better understanding of myself. I want to progress and be a better person. \n\nBecause of this, I\u2019ve put together a list of all of the topics and issues I would like to eventually address\u2014both current and prior. My anxiety makes it difficult to think clearly because my thoughts are rapid and come and go quickly. A lot of what was in the list was difficult to admit, and I\u2019ve never said some of the things I wrote down out loud. Putting it on paper is also easier for me to not forget things and to not freeze up or shut down in the moment. \n\nI know therapy is a very long and ongoing process and takes time. I know my problems won\u2019t be sorted out in a few sessions and it will take months. \n\nI spoke to a potential new therapist today over a video call. He expressed that he didn\u2019t typically do an initial consultation but agreed to for me because I told him I was shopping around in my email, and that I was trying to find the best fit for me. When I brought up my list to him, my reasonings for it, and expressed with him there was a lot to eventually address and unpack, he seemed almost hesitant to agree to it it, which I thought was strange and a little off-putting. He said, \u201cUhhh, yeah. I suppose you could send me a list but we can always talk about it in the next session.\u201d It made me feel like sending him my list was a weird thing to do and I\u2019m self-conscious about it now. \n\nAny insight is appreciated.", "answer": "It wouldn't bother me if a patient brought in a list of topics to cover.  I think it would be helpful and give me an idea of how the patient conceptualizes their problems. This is also great for trauma survivors who may feel very unsafe discussing some topics. \n\nWith a full fidelity DBT program, there is not as much room for bringing in your own topics,  so this may be where the disconnect was. \n\nOf course,  lots of therapists use DBT skills outside a full fidelity program.  The modality used may influence how much of your list is used.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8uo7m", "comment_id": "foptg1c"}, {"question": "My wife's birthday is coming up in a month and I want to treat her, but I'm an idiot. What kinds of things would be nice to help her have a day of relaxation?", "description": "tl;dr: What kinds of places can I call to pamper my wife on her birthday?\n\nMy wife and I have always struggled with money, but I recently got a job that gives us a little wiggle room financially, and I want to give her a really nice day of r&r. I have a masseuse in mind around my area, but past that I can't think of anything. Certainly not trying to be sexist when I ask this, but what else might a woman enjoy? Like I said, I'm an idiot and haven't ever really done stuff like this before so I don't know what else might be good.\n\nI guess I should also say I have no idea how much these things cost, and we don't have unlimited money, but I'm hoping somewhere around $250 will get her a really great day. Is that realistic?", "answer": "A day spa is something many people like. Massage, facial, the works...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71yaj9", "comment_id": "dneape7"}, {"question": "How does outpatient even work?", "description": "I have bipolar, anxiety, and a smattering of other illnesses, but bipolar and anxiety are the ones I have the most trouble with. I think outpatient would be beneficial to getting me back on the right track (plus group therapy is a good idea because right now I just stay inside by myself all day) but I have no idea how to even go about becoming a part of a program. I have insurance, live in Missouri, and need help. Any advice/educational posts are appreciated.", "answer": "First look into your insurance. Call the number on the back of your card, or go online to see what your insurance covers. Find a place you like the best, and give them a call. Tell them what's going on, and that you'd like to start some services. They will schedule an intake with you, where you get to meet a therapist and figure out what's going on, and what kind of help would be best.\n\nIf you don't have insurance, this is what you do.\n\n1. Get insurance.\n2. See above steps.\n\nIf you really don't feel like getting insurance, find some therapeutic services close to you and call them. Ask them if they take out-of-pocket clients, and set up an intake with them.\n\nOutpatient services mean you will go and see a therapist.\nInpatient services mean you will go and stay somewhere for a while and see a therapist.\nIn-home services means a therapist comes to your home and works with you.\nMeds help a lot of people. Look into that if you want.\nGroup is group. You know what group is.\n\nThere are tons of different types of therapy. Finding the ones you like best is key.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bicuf", "comment_id": "d19yma9"}, {"question": "How to be less outcome dependent?", "description": "Sorry if im posting in the wrong sub just let me know and suggest the appropriate place to post it instead  \n\n\nMy emotions and moods can be hugely volatile in response to interpersonal relationships. Im a uni student and have struggled making and meeting friends in the past and have had issues with social anxiety. I feel i have largely tackled and solved those problems however when it comes to maintaining relations i feel far too dependent on the outcome of each and every interaction i have with people. If a friend does not reply or ignores a message for a while my mood will almost immediately deteriorate. The reverse is also true, if a friend or acquaintance replies and good conversation ensues or whatever, my mood immediately and visibly improves. The thing is i understand that people might not reply because they are busy or dont have time on hand immediately or it even might be that they dont like me and being sad about that doesnt help me one bit, yet regardless of me being aware of these perfectly logical explanations my mood immediately worsens or improves depending on the outcome of the interaction. i fucking hate this volatility of emotion i feel like some helpless toddler.  \n\n\nDo you guys have any advice for me on solving this issue?", "answer": "As per usual, I'll recommend working with a therapist on these issues.  You may find it extremely helpful.  It may even be more helpful to find a therapy group.  Might I suggest looking into a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group.  While I rarely suggest a particular modality for folks, I think the basic skills training in regards to emotional regulation, specifically when it comes to interpersonal relationships might be helpful for you.  \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ul493", "comment_id": "e1gc2co"}, {"question": "Can counting days backfire?", "description": "I've met a few sober folks who refuse to keep track of how long it's been since they've had a drink.  In my experience, they tend to be people with several years sober, and often people who are very active in recovery, so it's not like they're in denial or anything like that.\n\nSometimes I think people might be better off not counting days.  As we all know, a lot of people reach a nice round number like 30 or 100 and suddenly start thinking they should reward themselves with a drink.  And then there are those people who rack up a lot of time, relapse, and are so overwhelmed by the feeling of needing to start over that they dread getting back on the wagon to start at day one.\n\nAny opinions on this?  I am not trying to offend anyone, or talk anybody out of counting their days -- I'm just wondering if anyone else has considered it.", "answer": "All the people with significant time I know personally know their date and celebrate their anniversary every year, but as far as counting days goes, when I was young in sobriety it was a point of pride for me, however I was clear with myself and had people constantly reminding that those days don't mean shit if I drink and that no amount of time will give me the ability to take a drink. So counting days early on was fairly powerful for me, but I can see what you mean.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1omkw9", "comment_id": "cctk6c8"}, {"question": "What is the fundamental difference between ADHD and clusters of personality traits that result in similar symptoms?", "description": "I\u2019m confused about why ADHD is a neurological disorder instead of just a set of extreme personality traits (notably low conscientiousness and high extroversion) that give rise to behavioral symptoms similar to that of ADHD. I understand the predominant neurological description of ADHD, which is, to oversimplify, that ADHD brains have abnormally low quantities of dopamine in the prefrontal cortex hence reducing executive function and thus impulse control and focus. However, can\u2019t that neurological model also describe someone with aforementioned personality traits? Everything psychological is ultimately physiological, so, theoretically, brains of people who exhibit symptoms of ADHD merely as a result of having a clusters of personality traits on the extreme tails of the distribution would also be neurologically different than what would be considered a normal brain.\n\nI also read a lot of arguments that ADHD isn\u2019t real because \u201ceveryone is distracted sometimes\u201d and \u201ceveryone is impulsive sometimes\u201d\u2014 essentially, that everyone has very mild symptoms of ADHD\u2014 and the usual response is that for people with ADHD, those symptoms are severe enough to significantly negatively impact your life, which is fair. But then it seems like they\u2019re making the argument that ADHD is just a more severe case of lower conscientiousness (and other personality traits that lead to those mild symptoms) and that doctors just diagnose ADHD by seeing wether your regular personality traits of lower conscientiousness pass an arbitrary threshold of severity and then calling that ADHD. As you can see, based on that logic, it seems like the difference between regular personality traits that lead to mild symptoms of ADHD and actual ADHD is just a matter of extent, which compels me to draw the conclusion that ADHD is just a set of personality traits that are extreme enough to be called ADHD\u2014 but that\u2019s not a fundamental difference.\n\nI hope my question isn\u2019t taken as disrespect. I know ADHD is real; I\u2019m really just trying to understand what the fundamental difference is. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "Let\u2019s think about something like borderline personality disorder, which shares some similarities with ADHD in terms of emotion regulation problems, impulsivity, etc. It\u2019s thought to that BPD has biological underpinnings, but most people with this diagnosis have had traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse, as well as invalidating environments where their needs are not being appropriately met (e.g., parents do not listen when child expresses distress or worries in a calm way; child learns he must throw a huge tantrum in order to get parents\u2019 assistance soothing. The pattern is reinforced and the child carries similar patterns of emotional reactivity into adulthood).\n\nThe idea here is that many other disorders involve a greater interplay of nature and nurture than does ADHD. Certainly the nurture side of things impact a person with ADHD and their level of symptoms, how they learn to manage their symptoms, etc. But a person with ADHD will have ADHD pretty much regardless of their experiences, while someone with a disorder like BPD develops that problem in large part in response to environment and experience. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aaz32t", "comment_id": "ecw5zoh"}, {"question": "I might be becoming delusional, or something more, I don't know.", "description": "I've had depression and anxiety since age 11 and I'm 19 now. I've always had mild delusional thoughts, the opposite of grandeur. I've been told that these thoughts are delusional by people on Reddit in the past. Thoughts such as \"everyone hates me and I don't deserve to live\" plague my mind almost constantly.\n\nBut a different kind of delusion has been bothering me for a while now. I've had intrusive thoughts of people being able to see through my curtains (they're thick black curtains), and there's always someone watching me. It's ridiculous when I think about it but I can't help but believe it when the delusions happen.\n\nNot just that. Delusions aren't half of the story. My sense of time is skewed and I often find myself wondering how a month has passed when it only feels like a day. What have I been doing, have I been blacked out for the entire month? I know time goes by quickly but at this level it's just ridiculous.\n\nJust in the past few months since December I've been becoming increasingly withdrawn, even more withdrawn than I have been my entire life before. I can't speak to someone without my voice cracking. When I walk I feel very unsteady. I can't be out in public without looking like I broke out of asylum because I can't stop laughing and smiling when I'm walking on the street alone, having intrusive thoughts about strangers that seem funny to me at the time.\n\nFuck, what's happening to me? Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this because I feel like I'm going insane. Even though I'm depressed and demotivated I still feel the need to fulfill a lifelong ambition that seems more difficult to attain the further I fall into mental illness. I need help but I'm already seeing a psychiatrist and things are only getting worse.", "answer": "Please discuss this with a psychiatrist (medical doctor, not just a psychologist or other talk therapist).  Depressions can include psychotic symptoms such as you are describing, and psychiatric medications can be of assistance apart from and in addition to psychotherapy.   The losing time you describe (dissociation) is not typical of depression or psychosis per se and may indicate some other complexity about your case.  Are you drinking alcohol?  That can produce dissociation, and it is also common when there is a history of trauma or abuse.  Please seek some professional help.  \n\nEdit - discuss all these symptoms with your psychiatrist if you haven't.  The whole picture is necessary in order to get the medications right.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4nnm7e", "comment_id": "d45g539"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Blurred Vision", "description": "A few months ago, a psychiatrist put me on Lamotrigine for General Anxiety Disorder. I started out on 25mg per day.\n\nWithin days, I noticed my blood pressure had gone down. My anxious thoughts felt more rational. I was pretty thrilled with the results.\n\nThe dosage increased to 50mg, and then 75mg. To be honest, I noticed no difference in feeling better at all. However, I did feel like my vision was a little blurred.\n\nI\u2019ve been on 75mg per day for maybe five weeks now. Particularly for a week now, my vision just won\u2019t seem to focus. My eyes are sore, often upon waking up in the morning. Things just look blurry in general. I had an eye exam not that long ago (maybe six months). Things were looking good, my glasses prescription was the same it\u2019s been for a decade.\n\nI am uninsured and have no direct access to a doctor. So any feedback would be super appreciated:\n\n1. Does it sound like my vision issue is caused by Lamotrigine?\n\n2. If so, is that permanent damage? Or would my vision likely return to normal if I stopped taking Lamotrigine?\n\n3. Is it even possible that 25mg would have helped within days? Or was that a placebo effect? After researching it a good bit, 25mg sounds like an incredibly small dosage.\n\nThanks so much for your time. Here\u2019s to hoping my vision isn\u2019t ruined.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. This has been noticeable since increasing Lamotrigine, and is effecting my eyesight. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "Blurry vision is one of the relatively common side effects from lamotrigine, and if it\u2019s stuck around for months it probably won\u2019t go away with more waiting. I\u2019ve never seen permanent side effects from lamotrigine but I don\u2019t know how or why it causes this particular effect.\n\nAn immediate response to 25 mg sounds unlikely, so it could be placebo effect, but it also could be a \u201creal\u201d pharmacological effect. That\u2019s one of the unknowables of medicine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m636k", "comment_id": "e7ca16r"}, {"question": "Finally getting better and I'm proud of myself", "description": "I woke up one day about a week ago and just stopped picking for the most part. I've had scabs on my back and arms for literally years and it just feels so good knowing they're almost all healed. Its hard, but it gets better. This sub has helped me tremendously ", "answer": "That's so incredible! I'm really proud of you! Amazing job being aware of the issue and working to take better care of yourself. Such an important life skill! Many hugs to you!", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "97jb6d", "comment_id": "e4dqglq"}, {"question": "Help: I can't stand people talking.", "description": "I'm\u00a0actually a bit worried about this.\n\nSometimes it\u00a0irritates me so much just the sound of people talking. I just want to scream: \"Shut up!\" even when they're trying to have a conversation with me. Don't get me wrong, I can listen to music all day long and I enjoy it, I can stand the sound of cars passing by, I can even stand dogs barking, the sounds of birds, of the rain, I love sound, but when people talk, not all the time, but many, it irritates me so much, it's like if my ears were itchy, I want to cover them, I want to run away. It's honestly so desperating. People talking, chewing, breathing, it's\u00a0something that my brain doesn't take very well.\u00a0\nYesterday I was having dinner\u00a0with my parents and we were having a\u00a0conversation and all of sudden I jumped off the chair and walked a little bit away with a disgusted face because of the noises they were making. They started to ask me: \"What happened?\", they were very worried and I didn't know what to say, I obviously knew what happened but I didn't want them to feel bad. My dad said: \"I think she tripped with the stairs\" and that was like the perfect excuse, I agreed with that.\nI'm really worried because it's not that I hate people or anything, I want to hear them, yesterday we were having a decent conversation but this came over to ruin it. I really do want to listen to people but just describing my feelings seems like I hate people and that's not it. Basically right now I feel better being alone because of this, but I don't want to be alone.\nThis is the weirdest thing.", "answer": "I would suggest seeking a therapist. You are aware of your problem and the issues it causes in your life, and a therapist can help you sort through that. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "636o9y", "comment_id": "dfrq9dw"}, {"question": "Can you become friends with your therapist after you stop seeing them?", "description": "I've been seeing a mental health counselor in training (she's in grad school) for the past year nearly weekly. It's low-cost and supervised. We are pretty much the same age and if we weren't in this sort of relationship, then I feel like we could actually be good friends (I actually found out that we have a couple random mutual friends). We chat and joke before our sessions, and a bit afterwards as well.\n\nShe recently had to 'break-up' with me as it is the new school year and she was changing her rotation. I've had a lot of growth with her in dealing with my depression and grief and trying to get out of the rut that I'm in.\n\nClearly it is an odd and one-sided way to start a friendship, but I wasn't sure if it was even possible. It's not likely for many reasons (this post is pretty presumptuous on my part), but does anyone have any insight? Is there a code of ethics that prevents this forever?", "answer": "Probably not. Definitely not right away; I have some therapist friends who do have a friendship with their long-ago therapist but we\u2019re talking 20 years later. \n\nIt\u2019s totally normal to feel this way it speaks to the bond you created with her which is what therapy is all about imho. \n\nHopefully when she terminated with you there was some discussion about these feelings; termination can be one of the most powerful and therapeutic parts of the relationship. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "71w4h7", "comment_id": "dndy9y7"}, {"question": "Does my grandmother have bipolar disorder?", "description": "Since childhood my mom, father and sisters had experienced a difficult and conflictive grandmother. A cardiologist (even though he\u2019s not a psychiatrist) told me she had a bipolar disorder, and today I\u2019m guessing it makes clear sense. All the pieces fit perfectly for her as a bipolar person.\n\nSymptoms:\n\nObsessive tendencies with a specific topic: religion.\nTreats everybody badly with certain aggressive tendency and lack of consciousness and awareness of the others feelings.\nImpulsive behavior.\nManipulative behavior \nEmotional intrusive and abusive.\nMakes people suffer badly, not mattering about their feelings or thoughts.\nHas anger, anxiety, depression, crying intense episodes.\nHas a ideology, that she was sent by God to save the world, having a false sense of superiority, not being even coherent to the religion she\u2019s on. Also, she says she views Jesus and talks to him, which nobody believes cause she isn\u2019t a saint nor how I said, coherent on what her religion says. \nThe most suspicious attitude imo, is that if since she is an adult, anything that isn\u2019t done as she wants, she starts her anger episodes trying to offend people by hurting their deepest feelings.\n\nI know this isn\u2019t the way to seek help or opinions, but I\u2019m 17, and I\u2019m being tired of her attitude. Being aware that she\u2019s sick will help to tolerate her and understand a lot of wounds in our family.", "answer": "There's not enough information there for an accurate diagnosis of any kind (plus this is the Internet obviously). If you are noticing these patterns of behavior, perhaps bringing it up with your family/her and seeing if she could reach out for some help/actual assessment for a diagnosis if it's impacting the family negatively?\n\nBipolar Disorder is often misdiagnosed, and has a WIDE range of representations due to the nature of it. I'm also not entirely sure I would personally call someone going through Bipolar Disorder as \"sick\" except in the most extreme circumstances (as in, acute suicidal ideation or intense psychosis).\n\nYou are looking for an explanation as a means of being able to explain her behavior towards the family. In my experience, it doesn't make the sting of what someone does or say any less hurtful knowing that they are diagnosed with something in the long run. Targeting the specific behaviors and words she uses and explaining how those things affect you may be helpful.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cf908k", "comment_id": "eu870ff"}, {"question": "Im going to the hospital tomorrow to hopefully get treatment for my suicidal thoughts", "description": "I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I'm just really scared and would love to chat with someone about it or just know what to expect.", "answer": "I work in a facility like this. Expect people who want you to talk to them, be honest and open. They can help you better if you do. It is ok to tell them how bad you feel, it is ok to drop that mask sometimes. \n\nAlso expect them to want you to do what you can for your recovery. You have influence, you have responsibility, and they may expect you to take that responsibility where and when you can.\n\nHope this helps. Do you have any more specific questions?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "av1npw", "comment_id": "ehc189p"}, {"question": "Couple friends got into a huge fight in front of me. I intervened..bad idea? [Wall of Text Warning]", "description": "My friend (more like sister) and I were sitting at her house with her SO, who asked her to go get some things from his house. He tosses her his keys and I bring up that I'm hungry. We briefly discuss what fast food places are open and we leave. We stop at [insert crappy fast food place here], go to the SOs house, and come back.  \n\nSO sees that we went to get food and loses. his. shit. He starts yelling at her asking why she didn't ask him first if she could go any place besides his house, telling her he's tired of her \"acting so fucking entitled\". She says she thought he heard us talking about getting food, he replies that he's \"sorry [he] didn't eavesdrop on your conversation\". A string of obscenities are thrown at her, he repeatedly calls her stupid and an idiot, all the while she's saying she's sorry and she just won't use his car anymore since it's a big deal. He continues to instigate and exacerbate the argument by asking seemingly rhetorical question and demanding a response, even though the answer to the question is basically her admitting to being an idiot (the whole time I'm sitting next to my friend quietly [awkwardly] eating my food that seemed to be the source of the problem). F-bombs are dropped, names are called, and finally I text him and tell him to chill out and drop it. He reads the text, looks at me and says  \n\n\"WTF are you talking about?! Mind your fucking business!\" to which I reply \"You made it my business when you decided to argue with your GF right in front of me! Chill the fuck out and leave her alone! She apologized and still you're screaming and yelling at her like she's a child! Either drop it, or go the fuck home!\"  \n\nAt this point, he and I are staring each other down and my friend is trying to get us to stop yelling at each other. I tell him he's being childish, he implies that I am the childish one, and I pack my shit and leave.  \n\nThis is the first time I've ever said anything during one of their fights. I don't feel bad because I stood up for my friend when her SO was treating her like she was less than shit. But I wonder how I could have handled it better, or if I should have even intervened in the first place..  \n\nEdit: I'm older than both of them. I'm 23 (in June). She's 22 and he's 20.  \n\nEdit 2: I am a female.", "answer": "Why did you text him when you were apparently in the same room?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "rp5ct", "comment_id": "c47io64"}, {"question": "Possible ptsd?", "description": "I know the best person to ask this is a professional, but I have to ask as from all I've heard in the past is that PTSD is the majority of the time caused by a highly traumatic event, though I have heard about it being caused by ongoing trauma as well but I know less about it. \n\nI recently went through ongoing sexual harassment at work two separate times continuing over about a month each time, this was 5 months ago and it has been in my head to some extent every single day since, with some things triggering more severe reactions, I've been near constantly on edge and haven't been able to go a day without it popping into my head, I've suffered nightmares, anxiety, sweating, shaking, vomiting, heart racing and some days have had flashbacks. As I said I know I need to go to a professional for a proper diagnosis but I wanted to ask others, is it possible that I have PTSD from this?", "answer": "Psychology grad student reporting in.  You're right, the only way you're going to know for sure is if you go to a professional.  \n\nKeep in mind that the following comments from me are not a diagnosis.\n\nAccording to DSM5, PTSD can be caused by a single exposure to a traumatic event, or it can develop from repeated exposure to traumatic circumstances.  I don't know the details of your sexual harassment, but I can say that if it was traumatic enough to cause this reaction there is a **possibility** that you have a trauma disorder.  These events are clearly causing you distress, which is enough for me to recommend you see a professional.  I'd also recommend that you try to find someone who specializes in PTSD or trauma-related disorders.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2axqk4", "comment_id": "cizzb9h"}, {"question": "Acid Reflux and Anxiety", "description": "I really haven\u2019t seen too much online about this issue, but I tend to get awful acid reflux when i\u2019m anxious. And I only make it worse because i have a fear of throwing up so the cycle just worsens when I get more anxious about being nauseous. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you manage it? or just even nausea in general from anxiety?", "answer": "I have all the same symptoms as you - anxiety, acid reflux/nausea, phobia of throwing up. I manage it by coping with the anxiety (like walking around, taking a bath, positive self-talk) and nibbling on crystallized ginger.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ec2gy1", "comment_id": "fdcgpnh"}, {"question": "I (25F) have been getting seizures since the age of 7 and still don't have a diagnosis or any treatment options!", "description": "**Age**: 25\n\n**Sex**: female\n\n**Height**: 5'1''\n\n**Weight**: 100lbs lost 15 pounds after most recent seizure spell)\n\n**Race**: white\n\n**Primary complaint**: Seizures. I have had around 15 to 20 in my life.\n\nI get seizures about once or twice a year that look exactly like a grand-mal seizure. About 5 seconds before I have a seizure, I get the same feeling/sensations. My sense of time becomes odd and slow (very hard to explain), I feel floaty and loose my hearing/vision. I am usually able to say something like \"i'm going to pass out\" or \"help.\" I then black out and have no memory of the events after. I am told that I then drop to the ground, my body stiffens up and I shake. My eyes roll in the back of my head, mouth opens and closes and face contorts. My seizures last anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds. As I am coming to, I feel an oddly intense feeling of calm and as if I'm waking from a odd distorted yet serene dream. I open my eyes and am able to follow what people are saying to me. I often vomit when I wake up and feel cold, nauseous and have a headache. I feel disoriented, am very emotional (moving from sad, to fearful to happy), feel floaty and am exhausted for about a day or two following. \n\nI've had seizures seated, standing, walking, eating, watching TV, laying down, in the mall, a vet's office...you get my point, in every and all situation. \n\n**Duration of complaint**: 18 years\n\nI had my first seizure at the age of 7 in a doctor's office. My teacher asked me to get a hearing test done because I was not paying attention in class. This was out of character for me because I was always a very shy and studious student. \n\nSince then, I get a seizure of two a year. I went four years without a seizure up until Fall of 2019 and then had two seizures within a month of each other. I went to the ER both times as I was the most disoriented I had ever been and those witnessing event were incredibly concerned for me. I was not aware enough to refuse/request medical attention. \n\nSince Fall 2019, my health has declined. I am constantly exhausted, as I wake up with a headache and sleep very poorly. I frequently feel as if I'm about to have a seizure throughout the day. I'm unable to drive or bike, which has resulted in me loosing my job.\n\n**Existing medical issues:** PTSD (from childhood abuse/trauma), asthma (I've grown out of it though), mother was on anti-psychotics when she was pregnant with me and doctors were concerned about outcome, chronic headaches, poor sleep\n\n**Current medication:** Fluoxetine (30mg) for PTSD symptoms \n\nMy seizures have never been diagnosed because of a neglectful family situation/brainwashing from parental figures to believe that my seizures were on purpose and \"for attention.\" I did have tests at age 7 when hospitalised after my first seizure and my EEG, MRI and blood tests all came back normal. My family refused to follow up on any tests. I had those tests done again this last fall, plus a sleep deprived EEG and Halter Monitor. All normal. I'm honestly at my wits end. My PCP, Neurologist, Cardiologist (ruled out POTS or any heart issues) and Psychiatrist have been unable to diagnose or treat me. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Should I get second opinions? Is there something I'm missing? Any and all information is much appreciated. I'm really at my wits end here.", "answer": "There are two possibilities: these are epileptic seizures, and even if infrequent should be treated with antiepileptics/anticonvulsants/anti-seizure medication, or they are non-epileptic seizures and such medication would not help. The only way to distinguish is by capturing one, but very infrequent seizures can be challenging because it's hard to capture them with EEG or, even better, video EEG. You don't mention being on or previously taking antiepileptic medications. Have you gotten an explanation for why no trial to see if it can help?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g5g489", "comment_id": "fo3dbtl"}, {"question": "Howcome me [27/m] am unable to be sensitive, serious and emotional with my [24/f] GF until I am fighting to save my relationship?", "description": "I am wondering if anyone has any advice on howcome I have troubles saying to my girlfriend that she is beautiful and being affectionate and emotional, and I find I joke around more than I am serious. But when I am in a fight to save our relationship I have no issues. We just broke up today and I told how head over heals I was for her how incredible of a human being she is and I was pouring my heart into her. But if things were to be normal again. I would typically revert back to being funny and not so serious and less emotional. I hate that I do it but I for some reason just dont say those things when things are good. If I were to have said those things when things were good, I bet I would not have been in this situation.", "answer": "I like to think of emotional expressiveness as a skill set, not unlike any other kind of skill. In other words if you were a guitar player, and undisciplined, You might play your guitar a lot but you really would just be fooling around with it in a casual sort of way. But maybe some sort of performance opportunity might come along, and you would buckle down in a  disciplined way to prepare for it. It's the same thing. You make an intellectual decision to do something, be it practicing your guitar seriously or telling your girlfriend how much you love her, then you practice doing it in a disciplined kind of way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sielx", "comment_id": "ddfaige"}, {"question": "I [f/24] feel like I'm being forced to choose between him [m/34] and my career...why isn't this a no-brainer for me?!", "description": "  My boyfriend and I have been together for five years this April. We have a pretty good relationship; it's become somewhat stagnant over the last year or two, but overall we get along really well, the sex is great, and we enjoy being together.\n\n  We both work for a large corporation, which is how we met, and throughout our five years we've both been successful with advancing in the company. I currently hold a senior management position, as does he, but he's one level higher than I am. \n\n  He supports me having the career of my choice, but has always been somewhat against me seeking advancement with our current company. He feels that because it is extremely stressful, and takes up a lot of our personal time, that it would be nearly impossible to start a family with both of us working for the same demanding company. He's been with the company for 15 years and I've been with the company for 7 years, so in his opinion, I should be the one to look for something different because I have less time invested overall.  \n\n  As soon as I started to seek out advancement opportunities, I've been moving up the ranks quickly, and I feel like the sky is the limit! I feel I make an extremely comfortable living for my age, and it will only continue to get better with every promotion. I've been chosen by numerous corporate sponsers for mentoring, and just last month I was picked out of a group of 400 women to represent our market in a women's leadership conference. Long story short - I love my job and I'm good at it.\n\nHalf of me feels incredibly guilty and selfish for even thinking about placing my career before someone that I've given five years of my life to, and who I plan on spending my life with.  The other half is reminding me that I'm lucky to have a job that not only pays extremely well, but that I love.\n\nI feel really confused. I feel like it should be an easy decision for me to walk away from my job for the man that I love, but it really isn't - like, not at all. \n\nHe's becoming more and more distant and frustrated because I'm investing an increasing amount of my time to work. I feel like this is all going to come to a head sooner than later, and I would love to hear any advice or similar stories/situations, and what you did to figure it all out.\n\ntl;dr - Boyfriend feels that I place work before him and our future.\n\n(Edit) Thanks for the words of wisdom,  everyone. You've all given me a lot to think about. As of right now (the foreseeable future), I simply can't give up my job. Growing up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, I understand how lucky I am to have the job I do, and I have a responsibility to my family and myself to do the best I can at it.", "answer": "The fact that he is asking you to do this is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE red flag. You are clearly gifted at what you do-- you're only 1 level down from him at your age? He is clearly threatened, which does not speak highly of him.\n\nI can guarantee that if you give this up for him you will ALWAYS wonder \"what if.\" Moreover, you will likely start resenting him for it as well, which will sour your relationship anyway.\n\nYou might want to find a neutral third party to talk this out with-- like a therapist. However, if your bf can't see how ridiculous and unreasonable he is being (he should be DAMNED PROUD of you! That's what real love is) then you need to DTMFA.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20aj1b", "comment_id": "cg1f1xz"}, {"question": "How do I socialise", "description": "I'm 15 and people in my school seem to demand me getting a girlfriend or killing myself, there's this girl I like, and I will try to inconspicuously talk to her every morning without seeming pervy, my plan is to ask her to the Christmas dance, but I seem to be getting no where, help please?", "answer": "ask her out for lunch first and build up. meetup.com is good for meeting people. don't be pressured into anything. be you. you'll meet someone when you're ready.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70dfr9", "comment_id": "dn2eqd0"}, {"question": "Waking up sober feeling incredibly drunk.", "description": "So, I suffer from morbid, vivid and downright scary nightmares. I have been sober now for 32 days and realize that when I drank, that helped suppress the terrible nightmares. \n\nFor the last 30 days I have been trapped in sleep, escaping demons, ghost, war, and numerous other near-death experiences that I have been unable to wake myself up. \n\nI slept over 18 hours last night/day and had the worse never-ending nightmare so far. I feel so weak and dizzy and drunk. \n\nDid anyone else have terrible nightmares after they quit drinking? ", "answer": "Have you seen a specialist in regard to these dreams? Do you have the capability to? That'd be where I would start.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1mngax", "comment_id": "ccaz2go"}, {"question": "SSRIs, mal de d\u00e9barquement, and more; 19, M, 165 lbs, White, 4 month duration, brain", "description": "Hi all neuros and reddit users out there, I have a question about SSRIs. I have a pretty interesting story so hope somebody out there knows what's going on. I started taking Zoloft 25mg in July or August 2016 for OCD and social and test-taking anxiety, then transitioned to fluvoxamine 100 mg over the course of a few months. Took fluvoxamine 100 mg up until July or August 2017 (so over a year), then cut it out pretty much cold turkey I believe. I felt fine at the time, pretty much had no terrifying side effects and was off SSRIs until January 2018. January 2018 I had a terrifying panic attack on an airplane, fell into an existential depression, developed cardio-phobia, and started having random feelings of doom and helplessness. Hopped back onto 100 mg fluvoxamine. Then came Feb. / March 2018 and all of a sudden I started feeling wobbly, like I was on a boat, airplane, or trampoline. Even writing at this moment in time, I feel like I'm at sea and there's a lot of waves hitting me. It's a super scary feeling because I am literally sitting in my chair as I write this, my own mind is playing tricks on me. It's like I don't have control of my own body. As you can imagine, this scares the crap out of me from March - present. Did the SSRIs cause this? I've read various people's posts on the Internet and there seems to be this kind of trend with lots of individuals. Lots of helpless people, lots of similar scenarios. Some took SSRIs and got it after starting or stopping, some didn't and just got it randomly. Seems to me like SSRIs kind of screwed up my life. Is there any going back to the normal non-dizzy feeling? It's not genetic since nobody in my family has this. I've hopped back onto 25 mg Zoloft last month and it's eliminated the panic attacks and made me happier luckily, but it's scary knowing I'm stuck with this for now. What is happening to me neurologically? Even my doctor tells me nothing is wrong with me, but clearly there is something objectively wrong with me if I feel so wobbly even in my most relaxed states of my day and when I'm happy. It seems like there aren't any studies that prove that SSRIs fuck with your brain. I even read a study that SSRIs HELP with \"subjective dizziness\" ([https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaotolaryngology/fullarticle/649401](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaotolaryngology/fullarticle/649401))\n\nI don't know what to do. I'm in a kind of checkmate currently. I feel a tightness in the left side of my brain, and I think it's a side effect of the SSRI. I also don't feel this dizziness when driving and when I move my head back and forth or twist my chair side to side. I believe this illness is called \"mal de debarquement.\" I should also mention that I smoked weed once this quarter got a panic attack, and took hydroxyzine 25 mg once (for panic attacks) and even got a panic attack on it. Honestly it seems like I didn't have the dizziness before I took that hydroxyzine pill, and then that one panic attack experience and vertigo induced by hydroxyzine has put me into this state. I have taken multi-vitamins, I drink a lot of water, etc. What is happening to me physiologically?", "answer": ">Some took SSRIs and got it after starting or stopping, some didn't and just got it randomly. Seems to me like SSRIs kind of screwed up my life. \n\nI'll admit to bias as a prescriber of SSRIs, but you've described my problem with the stories of the horrors of SSRIs: the horrors seem to be present in inconsistent patterns, which suggests that the SSRIs, whether stopped or started, have little or nothing to do with the symptoms. The fact that your symptoms similarly came on suddenly six months after you had last taken an SSRI suggests that the SSRI did not cause your panic attacks or depression. Fluvoxamine could have caused the dizziness, but I'm more inclined to think of it as an escalation of somatic symptoms of anxiety.\n\nSimilarly, you describe smoking marijuana, having panic, taking hydroxyzine, having continuing symptoms, and blaming the hydroxyzine. It's possible, but the simpler explanation is that it was due to marijuana and the hydroxyzine didn't fix the problem.\n\nI don't know what's wrong with you, but it sounds like you are pinning the blame on medications that post-date the onset of symptoms, which is an implausible explanation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8twlpo", "comment_id": "e1axy94"}, {"question": "Health Exam for Life Insurance - BMI Question", "description": "Hello this is my first post so bare with me. I am also not sure what subreddit to post this on because it is an odd question about hospital scale accuracy vs. home scales.\n\n\nI am 21 years old, 5 foot 11 inches and started my journey at 239 pounds. Over the last 2 months I have dropped 20 pounds and now weigh 219. According to my research, I need a BMI of 30 (215 pounds) or under to be considered not obese and receive a health insurance premium of half what I was quoted for having an obese BMI.\n\nMy question is this: how much more should I lose to guarantee under 30 BMI? My scale at home says I weigh 219, but I am very concerned that I am going to be in at my exam and have the scale report a higher weight. If this happens, my weight loss and effort would be for nothing. \n\nThe home scale I am using is a digital glass scale that I always weigh myself on in the mornings on hard tile floor. \n\nMy appointment is this Thursday at 7AM.", "answer": "I work in life insurance.  Are you applying to just one company?  Different companies have different weight standards.  If you go through a good agent, they should be able to tell you which companies are more lenient with that kind of thing.  ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7c8wmu", "comment_id": "dpwiqg8"}, {"question": "I'm really nervous to go private", "description": "I told myself that as soon as i get my pay I'm going to book my private session right away (it's \u00a3300 for an adhd assesment), but I'm hesitating like heck.\n\nI'm really scared that this will end up being a waste of time and I'd spend the money to get nowhere. I'm not very good at describing things and I've been heavily doubting my symptoms this whole week, like what if I'm playing it up? Or what if I really am just lazy and stupid and there's nothing wrong with me? \nI really can't tell anymore and it upsets me honestly!\n\nSorry i guess this is more of a vent post, did anyone else have these feelings before going private? And was it worth it to do so despite all the doubt and worries about wasting money????", "answer": "I think my country might be different (it's all private here LOL fml) but I have the same worries. I definitely know I have ADHD cause seriously... it all fits. But $500 is A LOT of money if I don't get any help. I'm going anyway because something needs to change. It's not a case of if my life will fall apart if I continue anymore unfortunately. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajnop3", "comment_id": "eex9lfl"}, {"question": "the worst part about an anxiety disorder is that you know there is no reason to be anxious", "description": "ADHD, GAD and a major depression is what my doctor diagnosed. And it basically evolved in the same order. \n\nI'm unemployed for almost 2 years now. Not just am I broke but I really want to work, want to earn some money and do something else than just sitting around 24/7.\n\nI have a CS education and worked as a software developer. Obviously there are enough jobs I could apply for with this education. Even becoming a freelancer could be an option.\n\nBut I'm too anxious. I need someone who constantly tells me I'm doing fine or w/e or I feel very uncomfortable because I think I'm doing everything wrong / everyone dislikes me because I'm a lazy douche. \n\nDuring my last job I tried really hard to be *normal*. But I could tell myself all day long I'm doing fine it didn't help. Lost the job basically because of my *weird* behavior.\n\nI mean I know that I can't ask for a job where everyone is nice to me and tells me that I'm doing fine. \n\nI have no idea how to get back into work. I'm actually to anxious to write an application. \n\n\nwell. whatever. thank you for reading. had to let off some steam.", "answer": "The worst part is that it convinces you there is something to be scared of and then BAM, your worried about your throat closing up or your butt opening up. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6bee23", "comment_id": "dhmh59p"}, {"question": "Anyone here in the field with a LPC or similar license?", "description": "I have been in the mental health field for about three years post grad and have my LPC in CT. Looking for advice/would love to hear what you all do who are in the field. I\u2019m feeling a little stuck I have been doing child outpatient therapy for a while now and am wondering where too next. Private, school, hospital, ect, ect.. student loans are a killer and I don\u2019t enjoy working late nights. Help a girl out!!", "answer": "This is not an appropriate place to ask this. Try /r/psychotherapy to talk with other professionals. :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em9pel", "comment_id": "fdnba4g"}, {"question": "10 Day Progesterone- Still no period?", "description": "So, i should have been diagnosed with PCOS a long time ago but instead of put on BC for almost 10 years which masked all the symptoms. Once i got off to TTC, to my surprise, no period for 7 months (since getting off) and now diagnosed with PCOS. Progesterone has been brutal to my system and am now done my pill and no period in sight! Anyone put on progesterone to induce a period? or have any tips? Im so discourage. I also just started metformin.", "answer": "i had the same thing and it turned out my estrogen was too low.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "43c5t7", "comment_id": "czh88z2"}, {"question": "It's too bad we can't trade places with someone who actually wants to live but is dying...", "description": "People everywhere who are dying of horrible diseases like cancer, who want so badly with every fibre of their being to live just one more day. Personally when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll just be disappointed I didn't die in my sleep. The universe is a fucked up, backwards, paradoxical place, I won't miss it when I go.", "answer": "You can help others in other ways than trading places.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4f8qs", "comment_id": "ej6lvoo"}, {"question": "Am I in the prodromal phase of schizophrenia?", "description": "17, Male, UK, Diagnosed GAD + OCD, No medications.\n\nNo family history of mental health issues\n\nPD = Psychotic Disorder\n\nDPDR = Depersonalisation/Derealisation \n\nSymptoms:\n\nLoud thoughts: when in a highly anxious state, my thoughts can become very loud and fast paced, almost like internal shouting, and can almost feel like they\u2019re going to burst out of my head and I\u2019m going to start hearing them, or that my head is going to explode. As well as regular thoughts, I tend to also replay conversations that I\u2019ve had in the past, or things that I\u2019ve seen on TV, however these always feel like my thoughts, not that of a separate person, are not audible, and never give me commands or engage me in conversation. > week\n\nVoices in sounds: ever time I hear any type of background noise, my brain instantly assumes I\u2019m hearing things/voices, and so is constantly trying to decipher words/sentences from random noises, which can make it feel like I\u2019m hearing things, despite never being able to hear anything other than the noise. > week\n\nVisual disturbances: at times, normally during a stressful period, I will see little flickers in my vision that disappear within less than a second. It will often be like a small streak of light that moves so fast that I hardly have time to process that it\u2019s happened. > week \n\nDepression: recently my mood has decreased and I\u2019ve spent 99% of my time purely focusing on distracting myself from my own thoughts rather than engaging in anything productive or social interactions. > week \n\nNightmares: I have been experiencing very confusing and disturbing nightmares that will stay in my mind for the rest of the day after they have happened. 1 week\n\n2 years ago I spent a period of roughly 6 months smoking weed on occasion. While high, I had a panic attack, and shortly after stopped doing any drugs. About 4 months later I had a close family member pass away, and began to experience panic attacks and dissociation (DPDR) while sober. The severity of my anxiety and DPDR only increased over the coming years, until I eventually left full time education in February due to my inability to cope with it alongside my mental health issues. Since November 2018 i have had severe health anxiety, and my \u2018theme\u2019 for this changes every 2-3 months. My themes have been: Heart Attack, Stroke, Seizure, and PD\u2019s. My themes will start with a simple worry, and progressively become more and more obsessive, until I get to a point where I am absolutely convinced that the theme is true, and very little can convince me otherwise, even leading to me calling emergency services, as I genuinely believe that there is something seriously wrong with me. For the last 2 months I have been in a theme of worrying about developing a PD, whether that be psychosis, schizophrenia, or bipolar. It started when I was on the phone with a friend and he mentioned about someone he knew that had schizophrenia. Shortly after our call I began searching online about PD\u2019s and ended up having a panic attack out of the fear of developing one. For the following month I was in a non stop cycle of constantly checking every little movement in my vision in a hopes to confirm that I was hallucinating and becoming psychotic. This was causing me so much stress that I was persistently vomiting out of pure fear. During this time I was only aware that people with PD\u2019s hallucinated, and so was only looking out for hallucinations rather than worrying about any other symptoms of a PD. After about a month of this cycle I was finally able to calm myself down and not worry about developing a PD. During this period I also experienced none of the so called \u201csymptoms\u201d that I was experiencing during my month of worrying. However, after only a week of not worrying about PD\u2019s, the fears returned and it caused some of the absolute worst anxiety and stress that I have ever experienced in my life. For about 3 days I spent every waking moment in a highly overwhelmed anxious state, as I was certain that I was developing a PD. After the first 3 days, I began to experience the racing/shouting thoughts. It was like all my thoughts were being yelled at me in my head, and even when I did calm down it still felt like my head was completely crowded with a million thoughts all racing around at once. I tried to just shake it off but after only 2 days of these shouting thoughts I was certain that I had a PD. I got a same day doctors appointment with my GP and I told him what was going on and my fear of becoming psychotic. He told me that from the information I had given him, i didn\u2019t show signs of being psychotic, and that the racing thoughts were most likely just a product of my extremely anxious state of mind. When I returned home from the doctors, I tried my best to calm down, and surprisingly the shouting/racing thoughts actually subsided for the most part, as long as I was keeping my mind calm and distracted. However, that afternoon I began to experience the visual disturbances, and although I have experienced these before when in an extremely anxious state, they were still extremely concerning for me and put me back into an anxious state. I am currently able to manage the loud/racing thoughts by keeping myself as calm as possible, however as soon as my anxiety begins to build, they instantly return. At this point in time I am absolutely certain that I am in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia and the thought of having a PD is without a doubt the most harrowing and terrifying reality that I have ever experienced in my life. I am in desperate need of the opinion from a qualified psychiatrist as i won\u2019t be able to see one any time soon.", "answer": "The only way to know with certainty is to either become psychotic or not become psychotic over time, and you can say what this was with the clarity of hindsight. However, from what you describe, I agree with your GP. Your experience sounds a lot more like anxiety, and particularly anxiety about becoming psychotic, than a prodrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chb31d", "comment_id": "eur3v05"}, {"question": "How bad is drinking a glass of red wine before sleep?", "description": "Hey! I sleep like a baby in linen drapes after a glass of red wine. Not white wine, not beer,... only red wine or port wine.\n\nI was wondering if this is something I could do everyday, or on a regular-ish basis. I\u2019m quite ignorant when it comes to these things, so please forgive me.\n\n\nI\u2019m looking forward to your answers.\n\n", "answer": "The evidence largely shows that drinking immediately before sleep does put you to sleep, but it decreases quality of sleep and sleep efficiency (you're more likely to wake up and lose deep sleep) so the sleep medicine docs will largely recommend against drinks later than dinner.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a7abls", "comment_id": "ec1np4p"}, {"question": "Can I drink a single beer while taking ibuprofen?", "description": "Age- 20\nSex- female\nHeight- 5\u20192\nWeight- 120lbs\nRace- Caucasian\nNo medical issues\nNo medication\n\n\nA new episode of a show I enjoy is coming on tonight and I always like to have a drink while I watch, that being said I\u2019m currently taking ibuprofen for menstrual cramps.\n\nI took two tablets at 5am, another two at 11am, and will most likely take another two around 5pm. I\u2019ll continue taking the ibuprofen for the next few days, probably every 6 hours, due to cramping.\n\nMy show comes on at 6pm so that\u2019s when I would have the one beer; a 12oz cider with a 5.5% ABV.\n\nI\u2019ve googled as much as one person can and have yet to get an answer other than \u2018it depends\u2019 and \u2018in moderation\u2019 which still doesn\u2019t give an exact answer.", "answer": "Yes, it's fine to drink in moderation while taking ibuprofen. One beer is certainly moderate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "awy97x", "comment_id": "ehpywu5"}, {"question": "What do I do?", "description": "A few months after we (21f 23m) got married I found texts from other girls in his phone, some even from before the actual wedding date. I confronted him about it and he promised that he'd stop and I believed him but again, I saw texts coming in from other girls just a few days ago. I don't know what to do or what to say this time. If he wanted to act as though he was single why didn't he just say that he didn't want to get married?", "answer": "exactly. he needs to come clean with you about what he wants from life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tkq9i", "comment_id": "ddn9zyz"}, {"question": "How do I reveal a secret that I\u2019ve lied about for years?", "description": "I dropped out of university 3 years ago. The reason I believed to be behind this was because I developed tinnitus (ringing in ears) at that time and couldn\u2019t cope, gradually getting depression. However, on reflection there were other issues such as not being challenged by the work, not enjoying some of the work (bad module choices by me), unfairness in marking (individual grades being the average of the group in group work and having tests marked by classmates who often didn\u2019t know the correct answer themselves) and not getting any constructive criticism on assignments (they would literally only say positive things).\n\nI didn\u2019t deal with any of these issues well, particularly the tinnitus but I\u2019ve had help from a therapist to deal with it better. I\u2019m looking into studying again. I\u2019ll be able to make a better choice of university since I actually only enrolled with this university for an unrelated course, decided I wanted to go down a different path and just stayed at the same university when I switched. However, there is one problem I still can\u2019t face up to and I\u2019d like to do so before I\u2019m forced: I haven\u2019t told anyone that I quit. Not for 3 years. I have directly lied whenever the subject has come up.\n\nIt was difficult to begin with, as I felt like a failure and was embarrassed since I\u2019d already switched course once. I don\u2019t like the pressure my family put on me to do things when I\u2019m not ready, and never felt comfortable talking to them about the tinnitus. My family do love me, but deal with problems in destructive ways. I was also settled and comfortable in the city I was in. However, having avoided the situation for so long, I\u2019m now worried about what people will think of me having kept this a secret for so long, and lied to their faces.\n\nI have forgiven myself for the past and now need to move on to stop this problem from holding me back from my ambitions. My goal is to tell my family and friends about this. Since I decided to tell them a year ago, I have struggled so much to actually achieve this task. As great as my therapist was at teaching me to solve the surrounding issues, I have failed to do this. What do I say? When do I do it? Where do I do it? How do I make myself carry this task through?", "answer": "Life is really a series of decisions and paths, one decision leads to many other options and decisions- your first decision was the ringing in your ears, probably compounded by stress and the university setting (stress takes on many forms and physical ailments).  Once you were out of the toxic environment you were able to examine deeper what you really wanted, and those 'wants' change and evolve over time. what you want at 18,25,40 can be completely different things and that ok and normal.  The only way to know what you 'want' is to try out different experiences and 'weed out' what you dont like until you go 'gosh this is totally awesome' and I want to do this or 'ok i can tolerate this and lets see what happens'\n\nThe only person you owe an explainition to is yourself,  you didnt 'quit', you needed a break and where-ever that break takes you is fine.  Life in general is stressful and everyone needs breaks. (thats why employers have benefits, short term disability, FMLA, vacation time etc)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hhcd8b", "comment_id": "fwam97a"}, {"question": "On \"being immune\" to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", "description": "(X-posted to /r/anxiety)\n\nI don't \"know all the tricks\" (as in \"a therapist seeing another therapist\"); I just find them all easily rationalizable/identifiable as such. When trying to apply some agreed-upon exercise: it's as if I have various conscious levels operating simultenously (as a matter of fact, this is how my mind always works). Even if I could convince the lower level conscience to try something, I couldn't avoid the upper levels to ruin it all (convincingly showing me that this is only a little stupid trick, that one has to be too weak in self-knowledge to be able to fall to this one, etc.)\n\nThe arguments are very reasonable and persuasive, and I wonder how can therapeutic interventions like CBT be actually so effective on a rational, logical, hopelessly analytical mind. In particular, the claim that *every* depressed/anxious person have delusional minds, their disorders resulting from spurious thought processes/unreasonable assumptions, sounds offensive to me.\n\nAre HFA/Aspies particularly prone to this \"realization\"?\n\nI'm not even claiming that I have an above average intelligence (which I probably do not have). Just pointing out how my mind actually works and suspecting that I'm not alone here. I'm tired of being (implicitly) accused of being actively sabotaging the therapy, as if the CBT was made to fit all kinds of human minds, every failure having to do with the patient's \"unwillingness to comply to its standard.\"", "answer": "I am in the unique position of having Asperger's and being in graduate school to become a clinical social worker (almost done!!!).\n\nI have both been treated with CBT and treated others with it.\n\nFirst, CBT has nothing to do with tricking yourself into thinking anything.  It is about identifying thoughts that are either false or thoughts that are true, but that are less helpful than other thoughts that are also true.  The patient then decides, in collaboration with the therapist, which thoughts should be replaced with thoughts that are both true (or more true) and more helpful.  \n  \nAs a person with a ASD, a high IQ, and an insanely analytical mind that just won't quit, I know first hand that even with these particular characteristics/gifts, it is possible to be blind to more positive views of things.  Furthermore, in my own experience, I was probably more stubborn in letting go of negative and unhelpful thoughts due to my ASD traits.\n\nThat being said, if your therapist is actually accusing you of sabotaging therapy (and you aren't just perceiving this accusation as part of a larger pattern of negatively skewed cognition) then you need a different therapist.  You need a therapist who is A) more patient, B) has better critical thinking skills, and C) better understand the need for flexibility in treatment.\n\nI understand what it is like to be analyzing things on several levels at once, and most people on earth just don't operate that way.  Therapists are no exception.  If your therapist isn't willing to take the detours you need to take to fully understand whether your thoughts are ultimately harmful to you, and to decide for yourself which ones to change, then you have the wrong therapist for you.  At the very least, your therapist isn't doing a good job of considering and adapting to your ASD.\n\nIn no way are people with ASD immune to CBT.  In fact, Tony Attwood, one of the worlds leading experts on Asperger's, endorses CBT as treatment for a variety of problems related to ASD.\n\nIf a therapist claims that someone with ASD is immune to CBT, they are either unknowledgable of ASD, of CBT, of their obligation to adapt treatments to client needs, of methods to do so, or of all of the above.\n\nTo restate some things, CBT can definitely be useful for individuals with ASD.  It sounds like your therapist is not equipped to handle your particular needs, and you need to find a therapist with whom you can discuss your special needs up front and who is willing to make adaptations and has the patience to deal with your analytical overdrive.  Developing a strong therapist/client relationship and applying standard CBT methods with FLEXIBILITY are required parts of the CBT approach.  If this isn't being done, then CBT isn't being executed correctly.  So, What I am saying is: It's not your fault; It's not CBT's fault; It's probably your therapist's fault.  \n\nTo add one more layer of complexity though (and to be fair to your therapist), therapists often work in restrictive environments where they simply don't have the time or resources to provide interventions properly.  This is the sad state of things.  It may be the case for your therapist, but maybe not.\n\nFinally, the reference to \"tricks\" in your original post tells me that you have some misconceptions about CBT yourself. This could also be your therapist's fault, for not doing adequate psychoeducation with you at the outset of treatment.  I would strongly encourage you to be open to the idea that CBT isn't as bad as it seems and to do some independent study on the matter.\n\nReality does suck.  It's true.  It's normal to feel pretty bad about that sometimes.  But, believe it or not (and I didn't believe it several years ago), you can choose how to think and feel about reality (more positively, I hope) without having to delude yourself or think illogically.  That's not what CBT is about.  It's quite the opposite.  \n\nIf anything, if you are able to talk yourself out of feeling better and thinking positively in most situations, you are probably not being analytical enough! Sound crazy, right?  Your thoughts are probably just landing in a negative, but comfortable/familiar place.  Ask yourself if that tendency seems just a bit too strong to be the natural state of things, and not a pathological pattern you have developed over the years.  If you are familiar with statistics, think about he normal curve.  It just doesn't make sense for the results of most all of your analyses to land on the negative side of the curve.\n\nAs a hyper-analytical person, I am confident that you can discover the complexity of perception, and that both positive and negative conclusions can be made from the same objectively true circumstances.  You can choose to land on the positive side more often, and that doesn't mean you have skewed reality.  \n\nIn the end, none of us know anything about what is truly TRUE, and we have to make choices about what we believe.  All else being equal, choose to land on the positive side of that coin, if only because life will be more enjoyable.\n\nThis is harder than it sounds (as you have probably experienced) but it is very possible with the proper motivation and the right kind of help.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "3alpwt", "comment_id": "cse16o4"}, {"question": "Are the normal medications for High BP and MDD/GAD?", "description": "26 Male, 6'1 , 220lbs, Eastern European. Medications include Lostartan/Hydrochlorothiazide , Carvedilol, Sertraline Bromazepam, Promazine, Nitrazepam.\n\n​\n\nAre these normal for my conditions? Also, should they be making me tired during the day?", "answer": "Losartan, hydrochlorothiazide, and carvedilol are all standard medications for blood pressure and a common combination.\n\nSertraline is a standard long-term treatment for MDD and GAD.\n\nBromazepam and nitrazepam are both benzodiazepines and are sedating. They can make you tired. It's usually not recommended to take two different benzodiazepines. In fact, it's usually not recommended to take any benzodiazepines long-term, although sometimes it's the best option. That's a conversation to have with your doctor.\n\nPromazine is a medication that hasn't been available in the USA for some time, so I don't have much familiarity with it. It might be used as an additional medication for depression. I can't say whether that's common or not or effective or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d2zpui", "comment_id": "ezxryqq"}, {"question": "Oxycodone taper", "description": "In December I was prescribed oxycodone to treat my herniated and bulging discs. The first two months I took between 7.5-15mg once daily every other day. The past 3 months I have taken 10-15mg daily. I\u2019ve been taking the meds for the past 5 months and would like to taper off. I can see myself becoming addicted and do NOT want that to happen. The past 5 days I have only taken 7.5mg once daily and have not noticed any adverse effects. I am quite active and eat fairly healthy. What would a good taper schedule look like to get off the oxy completely? I am trying to avoid acute withdrawal symptoms and remain available to assist my wife with our 3 children. ", "answer": "The only limiting factor is your comfort. You could try stopping cold turkey and it might be fine. I\u2019d recommend decreasing by the lowest practical amount, which depends on what pull size you have and how easy to cut it is, and doing so weekly or so.\n\nWithdrawal, particularly from a fairly low daily dose, is likely to be mild if it happens and even severe opioid withdrawal is miserable rather than dangerous, so you can go more aggressively if you want and ease off if you find yourself feeling sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i6jxn", "comment_id": "dyp9ha1"}, {"question": "I recently took nueropsych testing. I am very concerned that something was missed.", "description": "To  start with I recently went to a psychologist. I took testing and got  diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was kind of relieved, as I've  been terrified that I am developing schizophrenia and long story short,  I've been over analyzing every thought and perceived sense to check to  see if I am experiencing schizophrenia symptoms. The therapist that  tested me said that my reality testing was good after the test.\n\nSo  I've been experiencing a symptom (or to be specific, a group of  symptoms) since May. This was jump started after I had a series if panic  attacks. The symptom(s) I am describing are not constant (thank God), and  it usually starts in the afternoon: I feel off, I am not sure how to  describe it. Along with this, my eyes physically feel weird, I feel cold at times. My perception seems off as well. Certain objects seem further  away, closer, larger or smaller (this may just be a placebo). My emotions are dulled, and I feel  disconnected from my thoughts and emotions (I know all of my thoughts are mine, but I feel disconnected from them, if that makes sense). I get extremely anxious.  Stuff around me seems different as well, like everything feels off. My  memory has gotten extremely bad (took me 10 seconds to remember my  mother's name recently). I also couldn't even remember going to a store to purchase a game recently. Certain events that happened recently feel like  they happened a long time ago. I get extremely anxious from all of this due to not knowing what it could be. Maybe this is caused by something psychical and not mental?\n\nI  write this because I have no idea what to do. I'm terrified. I'm in an  extremely stressful environment ( my mother yells at me all the time and  is extremely negative), so it probably doesn't help at all. I'm honestly  wondering if I should go to the hospital. I'm scared if I don't do  anything about this then I will feel like this forever. I don't see this  ever getting better :(\n\nI guess I  should add that I am on buspar (15mg 3x a day) and rispiridole (1mg 1x a  day). After tonight, I am not sure if these meds are helping me. I should also add that I am not going to see my therapist for several weeks.", "answer": "It sounds like there\u2019s some dissociation going on (but that\u2019s only my opinion based on what you shared....it\u2019s by no means a diagnosis).  If it was depersonalization or derealization then you would feel like a robot walking through your day and that nothing around you is real (those do come with dissociation, but there\u2019s the other criteria too).  Dissociation can be due to stress or trauma. It\u2019s common to happen with depression and anxiety. It\u2019s the body/brains way of protecting itself. I would see if you can go in to see your therapist sooner and talk with them about this some more. It is very scary to experience and you\u2019re just not able to feel like yourself. \nThere are some grounding exercises that your therapist might be able to give you so that you can try to help bring yourself back to the moment/here and now.  Try to keep yourself calm when you feel it happening and talk yourself through it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eajjjg", "comment_id": "faukgsl"}, {"question": "Alcohol is the best thing for social anxiety since sliced bread", "description": "I know this might not be the most popular opinion but alcohol is a fucking blessing when it comes to SA. \nI'm very anxious when speaking with people - my neck is stone hard, I can't focus, I don't listen what other people are saying because I'm more busy with my anxiety and how do other people perceive me. I'm Polish and I live in UK, so every while and then one of either my or my girlfriend's family is coming over for few days to visit us and I'm usually very anxious and stressed during that period. Not sure why but I think it's because I have a feeling that I MUST impress them. And usually it ends up that I can't finish a fucking sentence because I forgot what I was about to say because I'm more focused on their facial expressions and if they enjoy what I'm telling. If I notice even the slightliest disorientation or confusion, I stuck up and behave like a retard. \n\nThis time it was my girlfriends mum that's visiting us and I know she already noticed there's something wrong with me, but she's just too nice to say it loud. But once we sit down and have a drink, I don't fucking give a shit what other people think about me and I'm doing really well in social interactions. I can focus, I can listen, I respond very properly to others stories and I can come up with my own stories don't paying attention to what others think. It feels so good and free. Too bad tomorrow's the day too and I'll have to pretend I'm cool throughout the day masking my anxiety so we can have a drink in the evening and talk like normal people.\n\nIt's a blessing but only a temporary one. It doesn't solve your problems. It just gives you a hint how's it like when you don't give a damn.\n\n\n\n\n**Edit:** Thanks for the comments. Obviously I cannot let myself drinking everyday as I've got a job I really like and a lovely daughter who's an apple of my eye. My dad was/is an alcoholic and it ruined my childhood so I definitely don't want to go that route. It's just amazing how alcohol can reveal the social me which sits somewhere very deeply but I'm just too fucking scared of judgement to show it when I'm sober.", "answer": "Besides everything that people have said about alcoholism, the other problem with using alcohol is that it can easily become a [safety behavior](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-your-fear/201303/safety-behaviors-in-social-anxiety) that makes it harder to overcome your anxiety. Safety behaviors are things that make you feel better in the short term, but are harmful in the long term because they teach you to avoid the problem rather than face it. \n\nI don't that there's anything wrong with drinking occasionally to loosen up, but I'd be careful about letting it become your go-to strategy.", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "4h2fcf", "comment_id": "d2ng5gk"}, {"question": "I need to talk to someone about my mental health - I have no insurance. What are my options?", "description": "Hello, it has been suggested to me by several friends that I seek out some therapeutic help for some mental health issues. I do not have much money or any health insurance. Do I have any options? ", "answer": "You can call different places and ask if they offer sliding scale fees. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "734oje", "comment_id": "dnnsmjq"}, {"question": "Friday, 1st September 2017", "description": "A new month, New begging.\nTime for change, Better myself. \n\nI've been given a second chance, I'll take it. \nHead down, Work hard. \n\nFocus on good. \nFocus on myself. \nFocus on reaching my goals. \n\nI can and I will take control of this horrible life. \nI will become a better man, A new man. \n\n", "answer": "Love your motivation.  It's all about momentum!  Put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed!  Good luck and happy September!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "dmfmxds"}, {"question": "My Roommate was raped, I need advice.", "description": "Long story short, my roommate was raped, she won't get help/refuses to admit it happened and has now turned to drugs and alcohol to forget about it.  I need advice, because she is my friend and I lover her and I can't sit back and watch her destroy herself.  Full story for background below:\n\nLast March, my close friend (F) and roommate was raped after party at our college.  A large group of us had gone out for the night, and she became separated from us after we were dealing with another friend of ours who had drank way to much and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.  A guy who lived near the party took her home, raped her and then left her to wander the streets of our town until she managed to call us and we found her and took her home.  She was really out of it and incoherent so we put her to bed and when she woke up in the morning she told us what happened.  \n\nInitially she refused to let us take her to the hospital because she was afraid of her parents finding out.  At the hospital she talked with the police and then refused to have a rape kit done because of her parents.  Neither us, the police or the hospital's counselor could convince her otherwise.  Her parents are very strict and traditional and they are from a culture that does not treat rape victims well.  \n\nTime passes and none of us know what to do.  I did some research on abuse survivors and counseling and I put together info for her on where to get help.  There are hotlines she could call, our school offers free counseling...  She doesn't want help.  But at this point, I know she is NOT ok.  I try to talk to her, the other girls in our friend group who know what happened try to talk to her, and she is closed off pretending it didn't happen.  Time passes and then she tells us she is going to counseling but I have suspicions she is lying.  \n\nThen, she turns to distractions.  The same friend of ours who had alcohol poisoning that night (C), is what I would categorize as a bad influence.  F and C start partying together more and smoking a lot of weed, also talking about trying other drugs.  F tries to hide it from the rest of us.  After finals a bunch of our friends are having a post-test party in a friends apartment.  F shows up, gets absolutely hammered and then has a break-down in the hall of the apartment complex.  Two of my other friends and me are there to help her.  She is fairly incoherent but is going on and on about how she is \"dirty,\" \"worthless\" and \"deserved it\"... ect.  She tells us she thought about killing herself and went on about how she doesn't want to \"keep on like this.\"  I try to do my best to help her, but again, I don't know what to do.  She refuses help and will not admit she has a problem.  \n\nThe next morning, she wakes up and I know she remembers what happened but she pretends like she was black out drunk and laughs it off.  And then, she is gone.  Home for the summer.  All I had was texts and snapchats to gauge how she was doing.  She tells us she is going to counseling, and she has talked to her mother about what happened.  But I think she lied.  \n\nNow it is fall semester.  We have moved apartments and F, me and a third friend (W) who was there the night she was raped live together.  We have been back for three weeks.  I'm pretty sure F never went to see a therapist or a counselor.  I'm pretty sure she never talked to her mother.  F is not ok.  I don't know if I can explain this properly but I will try.  F has a certain way of talking/texting when she is drunk or high.  It is almost as if her speech patterns change?  And now she talks/texts like this all the time. \n\nShe smokes weed pretty much every night.  She does homework, leaves the apartment, and then comes back late, high as hell.  She drives high, and doesn't care about her safety or the safety of others.  The bad influence, C, didn't come back to school this semester and is living with friends in a major city about two hours from campus.  F goes to visit C on weekend and parties.     \n\nI don't really care is a person smokes or drinks too much.  I know I have on occasion.  But F is using substances to forget what happened to her because is she gets high she can pretend it never happened (her words).  W and I have tried to talk to her, but she dodges questions, changes the subject or laughs off whatever we say.  \n\nI don't know what to do.  All I can do is worry about her.  And wonder when she goes out if she is going to be ok/alive when I wake up in the morning.  \n\nSo, I ask for advice.  For me and for her.  Or if this isn't the right place, at least if someone could point me in the right direction for help.\n\nThanks. ", "answer": "Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help, there isn't much you can do. Pushing it out of her can make it worse. HOWEVER, if she threats to harm herself, you need to report that and that might make her finally open up.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "3ktpgt", "comment_id": "cv0m2kg"}, {"question": "How do I know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20F, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgDesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)\n\nThis is pretty straightfoward. How do I know of my antidepressants are working? I still feel suicidal from time to time and I am tired all the damn time. I like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. I got a job and I'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "That's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. It doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). Each of those possibilities would be handled differently.\n\nIf you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fk432li"}, {"question": "[29M] Feeling trapped in relationship after 7 years (29/f)", "description": "We met each other 7 years ago when both of us were in college and 22. It started off casually but then we started dating and hanging out all the time. After university, she moved back home and I lived by myself for about 1 year. She would visit me once a month but then ended up moving in with me. After 6 years, she really wanted to get married. Last year everything seemed to be going well, so we bought a house and got married. \n\nI still care for her however lately I've been pretty unhappy, feeling trapped, and wondering if I made the wrong choice. Being about to turn 30 has just made things worse.\n\nA few other things:\n\n* Everything was made worse lately because she wanted to start a family but I felt unsure and it led to a big argument. \n\n* She is extremely dependent on me. Ex: I need to take her everywhere despite her having a car. If she's hungry, she won't buy food instead she will wait for me to drive her somewhere. If we go out on weekend she refuses to drive even if I'm tired. \n\n* We do everything together, and I'm naturally an introverted person who gets my energy from being by myself. There's times when I just want to do my own thing. I realize now that I really miss being single and at times wish I could do whatever I want. \n\n* I always had aspirations of moving around the US and living in different cities, switching jobs, etc, and now I realized that not really possible anymore. \n\n* Sex is always the same thing and I don't get excited anymore. This was made worse when she wanted to start a family, sex started becoming a huge chore. \n\n\nNow i'm wondering what to do? Do I just try to make things work, do I do a complete 180 and pursue something else? I'm planning to talk about all of this with her but I know its going to cause a big argument. ", "answer": "You are well thought out about this. Try to decide what might make things less hum-drum for you, and talk about it. Or maybe....the pilot light is off. To avoid regret, have a few sessions with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qjnzi", "comment_id": "dkxs5bv"}, {"question": "Can people suffering from PTSD watch horror movies and have it be okay?", "description": "my girlfriend knows a guy who's really big into watching them although he's an active member of the army. I was just wonder if that was legitimate or not. Also, can the condition's symptoms be trigged by universal means or does it vary based on that person's traumatic event? ", "answer": "It's kind of skeevy that you're trying to decide whether or not someone's PTSD is legitimate...\n\nBut long story short, people get triggered by different things, and some people even seek out things that trigger them as part of the reenactment aspect of PTSD.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2a3yxn", "comment_id": "cirbxgs"}, {"question": "Hydroxyzine for anxiety, how much?", "description": "25 Male 250lbs 5' 10\" Caucasian \n\nOther medications are Prozac 40 mg/day\n\nI was prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety. The goal is to just take the edge off to actually relax and not feel like I'm on edge all the time. Doctor gave me 50mg tabs to get more bang for the buck on insurance. \n\nDo the effect of hydroxyzine amplify with taking more?\nHow much is a dangerous amount? I've taken 300 mg and not felt much\nIs it worth asking the doctor for something else or just upping the dosage until the desired effect is achieved?\n\nThanks for any help and feedback!", "answer": "Ultimately its a sedating antihistamine. In the UK its only licenced for itch. 100mg is the maximum recommended dose. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8aes2t", "comment_id": "dwzhq6y"}, {"question": "[Advice] My gf cut herself", "description": "My girlfriend of 2 years confessed to me that she cut herself about 2 months ago. I know she was under a lot of stress finishing grad school and preparing for her board exam. She is finishing med school so she is very aware of the reasons people display cutting behavior. I remember her telling me at the time that she was feeling anxiety and depression due to feeling overwhelmed with school. She lied to me at the time, telling me the cat did it. \n\nShe has no history of mental illness, she is 27 and said she has never done anything like this before. She told me she is not and has never been suicidal. She asked that I do not tell anyone and that we dont talk about it again. She is currently on medicaid so I am looking into therapy options for her. I love her more than anything and I am looking for advice on how to best help her. ", "answer": "If you want her to  get therapy and she's resistant, don't push it.  The best way to influence someone to get into therapy for themselves is modeling.  Get yourself some therapy, work on whatever issues you have going on, and talk about how it's helping you.  This is usually far more effective than trying to take the intervention approach.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9lcah7", "comment_id": "e761f18"}, {"question": "Does radiation exposure from CT scans damage DNA cells 100% of the time?", "description": "I keep reading mutated damaged DNA leads to cancer but does that mean if you had a CT Scan you have a 100% chance of getting cancer in the future because of the damaged dna? does radiation exposure in large amounts from CT scan damage dna at all times? I'm confused by the wording, make me believe if you had any radiation exposure you're bound to have cancer eventually. ", "answer": "If any DNA damage caused cancer we would die after exposure to sunlight, because that's exactly what ultraviolet light does.\n\nIn fact, due to the loss of critical DNA repair mechanisms, that's among the problems that occur in [xeroderma pigmentosum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeroderma_pigmentosum).\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9j6mzh", "comment_id": "e6p788z"}, {"question": "How to avoid hitting a brick wall immediately upon getting home for the day? I'm in tears because I just want to get some stuff accomplished at home and it feels impossible.", "description": "It doesn't matter what time it is, once I get home it's like my meds immediately wear off and I can't get anything accomplished even if it's something I desperately want to do. If I run errands after work or go out to do something fun, everything is great! I get stuff done and I feel good about myself. \n\nBut the minute I step through my front door, all bets are off. Many days, it's a miracle for me to even make myself dinner, or even eat what I brought home with me. \n\nMy doctor has me taking a 30 mg Vyvanse in the morning and another one in the early afternoon to try to combat this. It works great getting me through the end of my workday and any errands. \n\nBut like today...I forgot to take it at 12:30, and didn't remember until 2:30. Which actually made me happy, because I have to get some projects done around my house and I figured it would finally last long enough to get me through until at least 9.\n\nNope. I barely made it through making dinner, and I was dragging as I drove out to bring it to my boyfriend at work. Once I got back home 30 minutes later, I ended up sitting in my car for another 30ish minutes before I found the motivation and energy to go upstairs. I ate a little piece of chicken and I'm trying to power through at least one of my projects, but I'm not really getting anywhere. It sucks and I'm in tears for the third night in a row. I want to stay productive at home too, not just at work! Plus we have a roommate moving in next weekend, and her room is completely full of stuff that needs to be gotten rid of ASAP. \n\nIs this normal? How do you cope with it? I don't honestly know if it's my ADHD or if there might be another culprit. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed. ", "answer": "I am going through this exact struggle right now and was thinking about writing a post just like yours. I'm an early career professional, and in addition to my job, I'm trying to study for my licensing exam and make a little extra money with a side gig. Neither of those things is getting done at all. I feel ambitious and excited to do these things throughout the day, but as soon as I get home the energy drains out of me and brain fog settles in. \n\nI just recently started getting (pharmaceutical) treatment for the first time at age 29, so I'm still figuring out a lot of stuff.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9bpgxm", "comment_id": "e576svv"}, {"question": "After 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of Cannabis Use Disorder, I guess I'm ready to change.", "description": "Hi, I'm Glo, and I'm addicted to THC.\n\nI started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often.  Then I got to college.  I started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though.  Then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property.  I got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.\n\nI began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts.  When I was 22 I met my ex, D\\*, and fell in love hard and fast.  He smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and I loved it.  He was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in Toronto) and smoked daily as well.  I was always high when we were together.  I started smoking at all times of day regardless of when I worked, and being high became my normal.\n\nTwo years later, D\\* broke my heart, and I didn't want to feel anything.  I started smoking much higher THC levels and more often, I relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. These emotions of mine are very intense, as I have Borderline Personality Depression and ADHD.  Being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.\n\nIt's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. I haven't been successful.\n\nI am dependent. I spend all my time thinking about the next chance I'll have to smoke, I don't socialize unless I can be high, I don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. I am terrified of the idea that I should quit for good and forever, but I know I can't go on like this.\n\nI'm lonely. I'm lethargic. My memory is hard to access. I've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. I'm late for work often (a job I love!) because I just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever.  I've gained a LOT of weight and never have enough energy to exercise.  I'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.\n\nI recently had a Psychiatric consult because I thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. The psychiatric team I consulted with diagnosed me with Cannabis Use Disorder, and explained that due to the amount I've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while I also struggle with BPD - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood.  They told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.\n\n​\n\nSo here I am. Going to an Addictions Clinic next Wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, I am going to go to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting (very lucky that I live in Toronto and there are options every weekday here)  But I'm scared. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to accept this new reality.  I don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. Nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.\n\nSo there's my story, I'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and I'm terrified.", "answer": "I\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! You\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "fizir6m"}, {"question": "Request: recovering too fast?", "description": "For some reason, I\u2019m terrified of fully letting go of my ED. Like, every time I get further in my recovery, I\u2019m tempted to sabotage myself just so that I can start over again.\n\nRecently I\u2019ve been having a really good week, where I\u2019ve had (apart from 1 bad day) close to no ED urges. But now I feel like a fake, like I\u2019ve been doing it all for attention, and that I don\u2019t need to recover. I guess, how can I let myself let go of the ED?", "answer": "Recovery can be terrifying!  For many, their ED is a part of their identity, who they are, it may define them.\n\nSelf-sabotage is not uncommon, but the fact that you're aware of your thoughts/temptations to self-sabotage speaks volumes in terms of your progress in recovery.  \n\nRecovery from an ED doesn't look the same for everyone, and obviously it doesn't happen overnight.  Trying to recover too fast may also be setting yourself up for failure, not that I'm saying that's what you're doing.  I don't know your situation, but if you are seeing a therapist, this would be an excellent thing to bring up.  \n\nFor many of us, there may always be the voice of your ED in the back of your mind, especially during times of stress, even when you haven't acted on those urges in years.  Sometimes, just acknowledging their presence, utilizing whatever coping skills you may have learned, and allowing yourself to sit with those feelings can be helpful.  For some, maybe not.  \n\nIt's also okay to grieve the loss or separation from your ED.  After all, it was a coping mechanism, albeit unhealthy, but it was always there for you and it served a purpose.  Finding another more appropriate, healthy substitution is also key.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "egg057", "comment_id": "fc7o7kn"}, {"question": "30(m) engaged to 31(f) healthy relationship but cant overcome the urge to check out women", "description": "\nIts beginning to affect our relationship and her self esteem. I hate that im like this but i cant seem to stop. I even try and make sure i face a wall when we go out. Anyone managed to overcome something like this?\n", "answer": "Looking is ok unless you're not looking at your finance at the same time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68c7r5", "comment_id": "dgxf106"}, {"question": "DAE not mind being alone?", "description": "Anybody else relate? I prefer being alone, to be honest. I used to hate it. I used to jump from one relationship to another with no break in-between and constantly wanted to talk to somebody. I don't know why this has changed? Then again, people are huge triggers to me and I'm better off without them. I've emotionally shut off now. I know it's a defence mechanism and it's unhealthy but I've been okay this way. \n\nI see pwBPD often saying they hate being alone, but I can't relate to that anymore. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts, even though they're overwhelming sometimes.", "answer": "I often prefer it. No social paranoia or anxious self-consciousness ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7jiljt", "comment_id": "dr6p9ti"}, {"question": "Why do Aspies torture themselves trying to fit with incompatible mates?", "description": "Last month an [NT wife asked for advice](http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/121x0o/nt_wife_needs_advice/):\n\n> My husband and I have been together for close to a decade. In the beginning, I admired his ability to see the logic in everything. I still do, but I'm also left feeling empty and neglected quite often.\n\n> Right now I'm laying in bed crying as I type this on my phone. He came to bed a few minutes ago and put his arm around me and fell asleep. No comforting, no asking if I'm okay, nothing.\n\nComments were coming in, and she edited it with this:\n\n> Thank you for your responses. I think I brought this to the wrong forum. It was late and I felt desperate. I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the responses that sound just like my husband, and I can't read anymore right now. If you read this, PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO ME. Thanks again for your willingness to help.\n\nThis really struck me. She was looking for a hug, but she received homework.\n\nThe following day, someone empathized with her emotionally, but it was another NT:\n\n> As an NT wife of an aspie, I feel your pain. I'm often left feeling empty, and am not sure how to go about it either.\n\nThat day she posted this to a different page:\n\n> For all the positives in our marriage, I still crave an emotional connection that I don't think I'll ever get from him. That makes me incredibly sad. I know you can't expect to have all your needs met by your spouse, but that feels like an important thing to be lacking from what's supposed to be the most important relationship in your life.\n\nShe loves him, but she's missing something.\n\nI just checked her profile, and about a week ago she replied to someone's question about quitting their life to start over. She said that she was, \"itching to do it again\", and while there is consideration for spouse and kids, \"I think the world would be a much BETTER place if we all followed our dreams.\"\n\nIt almost sounds like she wants out of the marriage.\n\nBut this isn't a new problem. It's a common theme, and some people wonder if they \"[should even be in a relationship](http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/zn426/should_i_even_be_in_a_relationship/)\":\n\n> She knows some of the limitations (I hate the word \"challenges\" \u2014 say it like it is) of my thought processes and emotions, but I don't think she's fully groked that she won't ever be loved like she wants to be, no matter how much she loves me. I won't love her as much, I won't show it in the same way, and it's going to be hard for both of us. And let's not get into the sex drive disparity (suffice it to say I've gone years without before with no ill effect).\n\nBesides the emotional emptiness, the physical touch and sexual intimacy are common concerns too:\n\n> Our sex life is abysmal. I've always thought he had a rather low sex drive, but recently he shared with me that he engages in self-service on a daily basis.\n\nThen last week an article was posted, \"[Married to someone with Aspergers](http://www.ivillage.com/forums/node/4989427)\", where an NT woman basically bashes her AS ex-husband to warn others of the torment she endured:\n\n* Many describe living with an Aspie as \"water torture.\"\n* With limited empathy for others, you can't really connect.\n* This mind blindness leaves the spouse wondering if she is understood or cared for or trusted by her Aspie partner.\n* He will do what he thinks is best for the both of them but seldom talks to her about her feelings or opinions. And if she tries to share her love for him, he may find her need to \"connect\" smothering.\n* Often these relationships are without sexual intimacy.\n* He has no need to understand her so her complaints are bothersome to him.\n* An Aspie husband and Neuro-typical (NT) wife are often described as like two insulated wires wrapped around each other, touching but not connecting.\n\nShe is part of a support group for other women in NT-AS relationships, [AspergersAndOtherHalf](http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AspergersAndOtherHalf/). There are 1,704 members, and males are not allowed. It says it's for female spouses to connect with other women, who understand the realities of relationships with a partner on the spectrum, and that it's a safe place to talk, and receive empathy and support.\n\nWith all of this, it almost sounds like AS means *failures in love*. Like they should just be forever alone, except for the cats who might put up with them.\n\nBut is that really what it means?\n\nKirsten is an AS young woman who publishes online, and there is an article with her in *The New York Times* called, \"[Navigating Love and Autism](https://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/26/us/navigating-love-and-autism.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2)\".\n\nIn one section it talks about her extroverted high school boyfriend trying to teach her to thrive socially:\n\n> Noting her tendency to speak in a monotone, he urged her to be more expressive. He sought to quiet her hand movements, gave her personal hygiene tips (\u201cYou can\u2019t do that,\u201d he told her flatly when she used her fingers to scoop up food she had dropped on a table at Taco Bell and ate it) and pointed out the unspoken social cues she often missed. He elbowed her as she spoke for long minutes to an acquaintance about her interest in animal physiology. \u201cWhen people look away,\u201d he explained, \u201cit means they\u2019re not interested.\u201d\n\n> \u201cYou\u2019re not a robot,\u201d he insisted, intending to comfort her. \u201cI know you can do this. You\u2019re a human being.\u201d But not, she thought, the kind he wanted her to be.\n\nThat doesn't sound fun. That doesn't sound like he's connecting with her. It's always presented as a problem with the AS, where they're the one not connecting. But maybe it goes the other way too?\n\nThe article goes on to paint Jack, her future Aspie boyfriend, as her savior, because she could apparently feel more comfortable. It sounded like the extroverted guy who was training her was nowhere near satisfied with her, and it'd just be a matter of time before he grew frustrated and broke up with her.\n\nBut with the AS guy, she was comforted that he wouldn't leave her. He was something else, connecting with her in a different way, that seemingly felt better. He was Aspie, she was Aspie, and they could find ways to bond over that, fitting with peculiarities.\n\nFor some, maybe none of this is an issue, and they're compatible with NT on all levels. But it's surely an issue that keeps being raised, except that it's usually framed as the AS being defective.\n\nWhy do AS people want to attempt mating with the general population, without first making sure they are compatible when it comes to things like emotional and sexual intimacy? It almost seems like AS people have a sensitivity of feeling inferior, and want to attempt a struggle to fit in, and prove they can be just like everyone else.\n\nBut then look what happens. Even in the cases where an NT and AS incompatible in this way make it work, it's not just the NT who is missing something, it's the AS who is too. Everyone seems to ignore that. The AS is struggling too, and isn't fully connecting how they could with someone who isn't needing the things they can't provide.\n\nIt goes beyond AS/NT too. If a non-AS is asexual, and an AS has issues with touching and sexual intimacy, then that might work too. The question is just, why do some people torture themselves, instead of just finding someone who fully appreciates them, and adores the AS stuff, not missing anything because they feel the same way?\n\nI think besides just being undiagnosed, not knowing better, or getting swept away with love they can't control, that a lot of it is that inferior mindset. But look at the concept illustrated with Kirsten's story. They might not be the poster for perfect AS-AS romance, but can't you just imagine that guy feeling better to be with her than some woman like that AS-basher with the support group? Why not find partners who adore the AS stuff like that?\n\nEven if an incompatible NT is in love with AS, is it optimal for them to stay together and get married when it's already known what problems often arise? Would both be happier with someone who connects differently and appreciates their so-called defects? Or do you think it's better to just let love take shape naturally however it wants, without oversight, and that the AS-NT relationships that do work are somehow better or equal to AS-AS?\n\nThen there's the question of children. There was a post from an NT wife seeing how the AS husband didn't connect with the children, and the problems that caused. How does that work with AS-AS compatible relationships? Do they have AS children? Is it then a whole happy family who get each other? Or do they not have children, and use their AS skills for producing in other ways?", "answer": "A) That is an everyone problem, not an aspie problem.\n\nB) It's for affection/human contact/emotional support/sex... just like it is for everyone else.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13qci9", "comment_id": "c769zdi"}, {"question": "I suspect my 5yo daughter has ADHD.", "description": "We\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. I know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.\n\nFor now I am most concerned about her social emotional health. She already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d Her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. When she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. She\u2019s five.\n\nI am in this sub because of her. I\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. But from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? What do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "I'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. It helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.\n\nAlso, many of Dan Siegels books are great. Specifically the whole brain child. It's about connecting and supporting through emotions. \n\nAs for what you can give, unconditional love. When she is angry say \"I can see you are really angry at the moment. It is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (An exanple) Give her a hug. Then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. Listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. Then just sit next to her while she works it off. This works for most emotions. When she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. Shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "eistw5y"}, {"question": "I made the mistake of asking my counselor if we can be friends..", "description": "I used to frequent /r/depression for a while, and after a few posts I made and a little bit of encouragement from loved ones, I finally decided to go to counseling and what not. \n\nI ended up having a great counselor who helped me with a lot of my issues. Most of them are still lingering, but I can really feel progress from where i was more than a year ago. \n\nMy issues mainly stem from a lot of self-hatred and ultimatums for everything. I thought nothing of it until it really started to affect me and there were points where I ended up really wanting to kill myself. When I got to that point I decided to start taking medication and after about 3 months it seems to be working well. (honestly I cant' tell but i feel better with time) \n\nReally, I love how I feel now and I only want to be able thank my counselor. At a time where I felt i had no one to talk to, she helped me rediscover how I can reach out to people. At times I'm sure i was difficult to work with, she often said that my progress was often being halted by my own indecisiveness and how scared I am of consequences. She would relate those weeks to a car stuck in the snow and just digging a deeper hole. It was a very stuck position for me, but she eventually convinced me to start taking the right steps towards living a happier life. \n\nNow I think i'm doing a lot better, blossoming even. Within the last few appointments ( they happen every week) We did a few things towards the end/beginning of our sessions that involved our interests. First it was a nice loose leaf tea i brought for us to have a drink together during our appointment. Next I pointed out her Totoro on her desk and we ended up talking about anime and manga. We laugh and we joke and what not, she even recommended a few manga for me. \n\nHowever, I guess I just wondered if getting comfortable with all of that was a mistake. Counselors really can't be your friends ever, I know that. It's just not something that is appropriate for their work. I understand that, but I guess I just wanted to know for sure. As we were wrapping up our last appointment, I just sort of casually asked\n\n\"So, once this is all over and done with.. will we be friends?\" \n\nShe gave me a pretty long answer and some specific scenarios about why that would not be a good idea. But she also said that just because we wouldn't be in sessions at all, doesn't mean we wouldn't talk. She said we'd probably check up on each other after a while maybe. I told her I was fine with that. \n\nShe ended up saying something like she was worried that I would feel rejection. I told her I was alright, and tried my best to leave in the most comfortable way possible and smiling, but it was actually very very hard. By the time I turned around the corner from her hall and I heard her door close, I really felt low. \n\nBy the time I got to the elevator, i couldn't help but start crying. I haven't cried over something like that in a little while. I used to cry every day over dumb things that didn't even matter. It used to confine me to bed all of the time or reduce me to a hallow shell outside my home. A lot of  that progress was because of her, and I guess i'm just down because we can't be friends. \n\nToday is the first day in a little while that the feeling of sadness and loneliness has penetrated so deep into my chest. I feel like I'm just a little lost and helpless again. \n\nwhat do I do? has anyone else dealt with this? ", "answer": "Its not a mistake.  Its just not something we are able to do for ethical reasons having to do with dual relationships and the possibility of exploitation.  Can't be a friend and a therapist at the same time and since the precedent is for therapist and the possibility is there for future work, friendship is off the table.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2yx3m6", "comment_id": "cpdwagg"}, {"question": "Neurological studies. Anyone had them?", "description": "My psychiatrist is perplexed because I continue to have ADHD symptoms, in fact I was fired from my teaching job a few months ago. The validity of that is questionable to me but regardless, I lost my job. I have been a highly talented and lauded teacher prior to being on Adderall and Effexor. It's possible the drugs just aren't doing their jobs now. But my psychiatrist wants me to have a neurological work up to rule out other brain issues besides the ADHD. \n\nI'm older and have been on treatment for @ 25 years. It seems in retrospect a lot of my troubles began when I started the medications. I became much more outspoken and frankly, I have been fired from almost every job I've had since then. I'd really like to understand what's wrong with me. \n\nHas anyone ever been tested for neurological problems and, if so, what were the results? Other than Alzheimer's, I'm not familiar with other ailments that impair the brain's memory and executive functions. I don't know what to expect. I want to be a cooperative patient but I am exhausted with there not being a clear understanding of my problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much. After all, ADHD was in its infancy 25 years ago and the treatments have become more complex and diverse since I initially began. I could use any input anyone has to help me sort this out. Thanks. ", "answer": "Autism spectrum disorders often co-occur with ADHD and have potentially similar origins. Do you have any symptoms that might fit with ASD?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "af9xao", "comment_id": "edwt3v5"}, {"question": "(21/f) My BF (28/m) thinks I am cheating or being shady", "description": "I (f) recently got a job that requires me to occasionally use a work vehicle. The other person that needs to use this vehicle is a guy in a different department, and he's been the sole driver of this vehicle for the past year+. When I was hired, they explained that I'd need to use that car as well so I'd need to start coordinating with the other person that also needs it. \n\nBasically to trim a long explanation down, my boyfriend hates that I have to coordinate and share this vehicle with another dude. When we switch vehicles, oftentimes we have to do it after office hours due to this coworker not having a normal 9 to 5 type schedule like the rest of us. We usually switch close to my apartment since it's a really central location, and the coworker's house is extremely far away from the downtown core. It's the process of switching drivers that has bothered my BF. A couple times he's seen this coworker outside my apartment building before, and has said sarcastic things to me like \"I saw your boyfriend outside.\" etc\n\nI don't know what to do to make the BF understand that this is just a work situation. It also extra pisses me off because I really don't even like working with this guy at all, and it's insulting that the BF thinks I would ever have some kind of attraction to him let alone anyone else (I have no interest in cheating on anyone, ever. I was cheated on in a past relationship and it made me feel like absolute garbage)\n\nHow do I deal with this/what should I say or do? I'm not the best with talking about my emotions and neither is my BF, so this situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and makes me feel like shit every time I have to use the car. I've been contemplating if it's even worth keeping the job over. \n\n", "answer": "How long have you two been dating?\n\nAlso: \u201cI need you to drop it.  If you think I\u2019m cheating on you, you should break up with me. If you don\u2019t think I\u2019m cheating on you, understand that I have to do this for my job and you are pissing me off.\u201d", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "8gnfys", "comment_id": "dyd4pkx"}, {"question": "Unsure how to progress in my relationship coz feels", "description": "Long story short (as short as possible) I [22 f] have been in a committed monogamous relationship (for the most part) with my bf [25 m] for 2 and a bit years now (met when I was 19]. I love him and feel happy when I'm with him however whenever we're not together I get a very serious case of the wandering eye and have a biiiiiiig crush on a guy I go to uni with. Important to note here that said crush began last year when bf was away for 4 months and we did sleep together a few times, also bf slept with several people while away without telling me, so it was a fuck up on both parts, he was very angry about my lapse, I didn't so much care about his. \nAnyway, so I have had doubts about our relationship due to age and not wanting to get tied down too early, because there's much to experience in the world, especially at my age. \n\nI was wondering whether anyone else has had a similar situation and how they progressed? I enjoy the time I spend with him but as soon as we're physically apart I almost couldn't care less and get very tempted by the prospect of other people. \n\nTl;dr should I leave my boyfriend because whenever I'm not with him I think about being with other people \n\n", "answer": "sounds like you've moved on in your heart;  unless there are specific issues, which improved, would change your heart.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v46ko", "comment_id": "ddz3wvd"}, {"question": "Groinal Response.", "description": "I got a groinal response when I looked at a picture of a kid and now I'm terrified. I didn't go back to test if I actually felt anything for her. I was diagnosed with OCD but now I'm scared\n\nI also had groinal responses when I was kid but I made nothing of it because there was no attraction. Should I be worried???", "answer": "If it feels like OCD, treat it like OCD. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "50tcki", "comment_id": "d76yvvc"}, {"question": "Sleep paralysis while I'm awake?", "description": "Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I'm looking for insight/advice on a reoccuring health problem I'm having.\n\nAbout once a month, always when I'm tired, I'll start to lose visual focus, mental clarity, and its difficult or impossible to move. I also have auditory hallucinations, a strong sense that there's something/someone near me, and feel a large amount of terror.\n\nIt lasts a few minutes in total. It's reached the point where I know what's coming and I can prepare myself while it ramps up. There's a terrifying peak and then it ramps down fairly quickly. \n\nAccording to the internet, this sounds like sleep paralysis. Except I'm awake. Although like I said, it occurs when I'm tired, trying to sleep or in bed reading.\n\nHas anyone else had the same problem? Anything I can do? Is this some other issue I should be aware of?", "answer": "My only real guess is that you should get more sleep. But you ought to go to a doctor if you're worried about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "26lc37", "comment_id": "chs5y1b"}, {"question": "Is that being diagnosed?", "description": "My psychiatrist have sent a letter to my school (CEGEP) to justify having help at school. He said I'd run test to check if I have Asperger's but he justifies that I have difficulties related to it and all. Is that being diagnosed or should I wait after the tests (which also seem to be therapies)? He said I had GAD and I was sociophobic and that I might be agoraphobic.", "answer": "Every psychologist does it differently.  Some will diagnose on a hunch.  Some will use a battery of tests.  Some avoid diagnosis whenever possible, especially chronic ones like Asperger's, because they think it is stigmatizing and don't want to be responsible for a permanent mark on your health records.  \n\nIf you really want a diagnosis, talk to your psychiatrist about getting a formal diagnosis using the DSM-V once it is released later this month.  He will be required to go through a standardized check list of symptoms/criteria (kind of like a flow chart) to determine if you actually have autism spectrum disorder).  He could then write you a letter that justifies his diagnosis using the DSM-V criteria.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dixba", "comment_id": "c9qyx6h"}, {"question": "Female doctor keeps being called by first name/nurse. How to handle it?", "description": "Hello,\n\nFor the female doctors in this subreddit, how have you handled when people try to minimize your position/authority with these passive aggressive actions?  Also, standing up for yourself without coming off as bitchy.  ", "answer": "Why is it such a big deal? Just correct them. \"I'm actually a doctor\".\n\nAlso, why is first-name basis disrespectful and how is any of this \"passive aggressive\"?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8rklm4", "comment_id": "e0sk1sx"}, {"question": "Moderation is not working.", "description": "Been drinking again for a while. Gott hammered two weeks ago at lunch.  Swore that was it.   Went to lunch on Friday at 2:00 pm.  By 4:00 pm the switch flipped and I was hammered ...again.  Woke up Saturday and somehow decided the answer to my problems was more beer.   Then about 2:00 pm on Sat the panic set it.  What have I done!    I'm still freaked out.. but... I didn't drink yesterday and I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.    So step one for me is going to be checking in here again every day.", "answer": "I've been there too, so many attempts to moderate over the years before I finally gave up.  I'm glad you are back, IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d1qai4", "comment_id": "ezpks6k"}, {"question": "[Discussion] How to do more and need less?", "description": "Example 1: 'I wish I had a new guitar, then I would certainly play the guitar more often' - instead of just playing the old guitar at all.\n\nExample 2: 'If I could only afford that mountainbike, then I could go biking again' - instead of just riding the non-mountainbike in a non-mountain area.\n\nExample 3: Buying 3 new books while still having a stack of unread books at home and not reading them.\n\nI tend to dream about doing stuff with new/better things I need to buy first, instead of actually doing stuff with the things I already posess. Why do I do this and how do I stop myself from doing it? Why am I never satisfied with what I have? Is this the capitalist brainwashing showing it's effect or am I lazy and only looking for excuses? Any help appreciated!\n", "answer": "This might not exactly solve your problem, but one thing you could try is to give yourself a challenge and use the \"new thing\" as a reward.\n\nFor example, you could say \"If I play my old guitar twice a week for 3 months, I'll get a new one\" or \"If I go biking every other day until Christmas, I'll get the new mountainbike as a gift to myself\"\n\nMake it something long-term so that you develop a habit, and if you skip a day, extend the length of time you have to do it for. That way, if you get in the habit of doing it regularly, you might find that the object wasn't holding you back at all, just your old habits. Plus it'll make you feel like you \"deserve\" the nice thing, and you know you'll actually use it because you've been using the old one. ", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "6ill0y", "comment_id": "dj7fhmg"}, {"question": "I was just reminded of how I first came across this subreddit.", "description": "About a year and a half ago, I came across this image on the front page of reddit. \n\nIt was a meme of the Dos Equis man (you all know him well, I\u2019m sure) and it said something like, \u201cI don\u2019t always take out my recycling\u2026 but when I do, my neighbors probably think I'm an alcoholic.\u201d I laughed so hard at that - OMG, I totally feel that way too! Haha! I\u2019m not the only one who has a zillion bottles to throw away! It was such a light-hearted reaction.\n\nThen I read the comment section\u2026 I don\u2019t even know what this person said, maybe something like \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a valid reason you feel that way. Come to /r/stopdrinking and take our assessment test.\u201d\n\nI came, and started reading the posts. So many things people were saying, I could relate to. Sure, I haven't lost a job, gotten arrested, etc., etc. but I could certainly nod my head in agreement to instantly craving a drink (or 6) when things went wrong, and other common thoughts. That was a scary moment.\n\nSo, I requested a badge.\n\nAnd proceeded to ignore it, getting drunk nearly every night afterwards. Ha... But that's another story for another day, maybe when I make a formal introduction post. I've already written a lot.\n\nDid anyone else come across this subreddit randomly and have a similar \"aha\" moment?", "answer": "Holy shit! I remember that meme and remember having the same reaction. I've been slowing down on my check ins here and I needed this reminder that it's fucked up that I drank all those empty beer and wine bottles. I remember thinking about how I would tell someone \"I had some friends over\" if I ran into a neighbor while taking the trash out. My house was the loudest one on the block on trash day. I remember waking up and hearing those crashing noises of bottles hit the garbage truck and feeling so much guilt. So funny I saw this today. Thank you! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4295z6", "comment_id": "cz8o0ku"}, {"question": "Should I[35M] tell my Wife's[36F] therapist about her Alcohol consumption?", "description": "My wife's alcohol usage waxes and wanes over a given month.  She is currently seeing a Therapist and a Psychiatrist for her social anxiety issues.  At one point in our relationship, after her father passed away she was drinking 6-7 nights a week and by 9:30pm had fallen asleep / passed out on the couch.  I told her I wouldn't have children if she kept up that behavior and she cleaned up her act and cut consumption down to better levels (3 nights a week, maybe one to excess).  She went dry through the pregnancy and during breastfeeding with minimal issues (she was able to quit smoking cold turkey before we got married).  She is a rockstar at self control except when she has a drink.  Once she is slightly buzzed, her consumption rate accelerates, and I have to bargain / share the drink with her to get her to stop.  I used to keep up with her for support immediately following her dad's passing, but as I watched her drink more and more, I had to step away completely from it to lead by example and not enable (though I still enable in someways by inaction).  This morning, I had to work early to solve a critical problem.  I listened to our daughter cry in her crib for 25 minutes while my wife laid on the couch still passed out.  After 5 minutes, I woke my wife up and went back to work, after 15, I came upstairs again and she huffed that she was up.  10 minutes after that I finally here the crying start to die down (my wife must have showered/washed up/possibly thrown up first).  Currently, my wife drinks for 4 nights, and is off for two nights (because I force it).  \n\nI don't know if she speaks honestly with her therapist or psychiatrist about her alcohol consumption.  I am 95% sure, she talks about social anxiety issues related to work and family.  What happens if I tell them about this?  She wants to have another kid, and the thought of it actually makes me cringe / kills my sex drive.  On the bright side, it would be nice to have her not drinking for over a year like last time, but I really wouldn't want it to start right back up.  We have discussed it multiple times but I just can't go it alone anymore.  She is proud of the fact she doesn't drink 7 nights a week anymore and that she has the ability to \"control\" it, but mornings like this are just really rough for me to keep fighting.  She admitted that she \"over did it\" and will she probably will not drink tonight.  I want someone else in my corner encouraging her to continue to reduce the consumption, or eliminate for therapeutic reasons (preferred). \n\n**Edit:** I have never been to the therapist or psychiatrist.  This would be me cold-calling the office.\n\nI need to get back to work and won't be able to respond until later in the afternoon.  \n\nOh, and before it is suggested, **NO, she didn't sneak it during pregnancy/breastfeeding**, and she doesn't sneak it now (with the exception of waiting for me to go to bed so she can \"stay up for a little while watching TV\").  \n\n****Update: **** I have spoken with my wife and she is stepping back from drinking for a while.  I am still debating whether to call her therapist or not.", "answer": "Therapist here. If her therapist has any sort of ethical boundaries, technically she will refuse to speak to you at all, since ethically and legally she is prevented from doing so by privacy laws and confidentiality.\n\nMy suggestion would be to sit down with your wife and suggest a family therapy session, where you can express these concerns, but because your wife is the client, she must be the one to bring this up to the therapist.\n\nNow, if your wife has previously signed a release that allows the therapist to speak with you, THEN you can discuss this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4brxr9", "comment_id": "d1c0r2i"}, {"question": "My boyfriend is a feeder. I hate being overweight. Any hope?", "description": "We have been together for almost 3 years. He confided in me a while back that he was into very fat girls. I have a history of body dysmorphia and eating disorder tendencies so this was very difficult for me to hear. When we first met I wasn't overweight, but I was on the chubbier side at 5'3 and 140 pounds. He used to constantly take me out to eat and brought me my favorite foods and would feed me, and being a binge eater and comfortable with my current size, I enjoyed it and let him. He also constantly grabbed my flab, something I told him over and over that made me extremely uncomfortable and self conscious, and without fail tells me every time I see him \"your butt has gotten bigger!\" And gets excited. But now, I am 30 pounds heavier and hate my body. He has further confided that he not only likes fat girls, but is into feederism and actually enjoys watching someone gain weight and said he'd love if I gained 15 more pounds. I am absolutely against this. We have had several conversations about this and he hates that he has done this to me and is now supporting me in trying to get healthy again and lose the weight. I hate my body and have developed unhealthy eating habits so simply losing weight is not that easy for me. It's become almost like an addiction and I have been trying to lose weight for almost a year but have only lasted a week at best before I binged out. The main issue is that whenever I'm around him, I feel horrible about myself. Our normal routine is to go out to eat whenever we hang out, so that's what we do. Even after saying we would stop. Every \"you're beautiful\" or \"you look great\" translates in my mind as \"you look fat and I love it.\" His complements and genuine affection are like insults and do the exact opposite of what they're intended to do. It's gotten to the point where I can't even be intimidate or have him touch me without being disgusted because I feel he's only so attracted to me because I'm so heavy now. I dread seeing him because it just reminds me of how fat I've gotten and how much resentment I have toward him sabotaging my body. We don't want to end it, but is there any hope of us being happy again? \n\ntl;dr boyfriend is a feeder and likes me fat. I've gained 30 pounds and feel horrible about myself and around him. Can we make it work?", "answer": "you have to do what's best for YOU. if you need to be thinner, and he's a mature guy, it will be fine!!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aa9ly", "comment_id": "dhcyqri"}, {"question": "I'm an Alcoholic", "description": "New around here, so a little background on me. I'm 25, and I've abused alcohol heavily since I was 19. It started off as a weekend thing, then I went to college and it progressed to 2 days, then 3, fast forward and I'm getting drunk mainly on my own as much as I can because I feel empty inside all the time, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. I want last night to be the last time I do it. Never thought I'd admit to being an Alcoholic at 25 but hey, here we are. ", "answer": "Damn I wish I had gotten sober so young. Congrats. \n\nAlso it\u2019s really common for folks with ADHD to end up with addictions if that helps you forgive yourself a little. Are you going to try meetings or anything? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "78rfq9", "comment_id": "dowou57"}, {"question": "I can handle it anymore", "description": "I'm 22 years old, I've had a anxiety and depression all my life. \n\nIt's been impossible to deal with. I've never had a job, I am always feeling sick.  It causes me to throw up all the time. I can't control it at all. I have the worst attacks all the time. \n\nI don't feel human. I can't talk to girls, even watching porn gives makes me nauseo, i have even thrown up watching it a couple times. \n\nI've talked to multiple people about it but they all just say  to take medication and push through it. I can't. I try. The harder I push, the worse it gets. I've struggled really bad many times but this is definitely the worst ", "answer": "As I'm sure most people can tell you on this sub, anxiety can be very very very rough!  Pure hell at times!  Have you ever seen a therapist or considered it?  Meds can be helpful (you'd have to see a psychiatrist for that) to get you over the hump.  The majority of studies show whether it's depression or anxiety, the best results come from a combination of weekly therapy and medication, but if you had to choose one over the other, talking to a therapist without meds yields better results than meds alone.\nEither way, with the proper help and A LOT of hard work, you can reduce your symptoms and get control of your life.  Best of luck!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6wp4n2", "comment_id": "dm9q4b2"}, {"question": "Need help from those with more experience", "description": "TL;DR: This may get deleted for listing my symptoms and asking for help, but I'm posting it anyway because I want to know about others experiences. I don't think my diagnosis is right, and I want to know if what I am going through sounds like anyone else's experience with ADHD and/or other diagnoses. Feel free to read through, and I'd appreciate any words of wisdom that you would like to spare....\n\nOriginal Post: Need a little help. I personally believe that I have BPD & ADHD, my doctor on the other hand thinks it is ADHD and bipolar depression with mostly depressive aspects and mixed-states. I wanted to see what others think, because I feel that I present well, despite what is going on in my head, and I have been told that I don't present like other clients with BPD. I'm going to list out everything I can think of that may apply, then post it in the BPD, bipolar, and ADHD sections to see what people think. Here is everything I can think of:\n\n*Depression  *Suicidal thoughts (every day for at least a year, but has been common throughout my life)  *3 attempts in the past  *Anger, irritability, frustration (frustration being the underlying factor)  *Quickly irritated by stupid things  *Can't handle rejection, or even the thought of rejection, so I've just stopped putting myself out there the last few months  *Complete breakdowns after a breakup, or rejection  *Feel like I have no idea who I am most of the time  *Overreactions to everything (I get frustrated about something stupid and then either yell or view it as just another reason to kill myself)  *Easily distracted  *Always fidgeting  *Very obsessive thoughts  *Impulsive buyer  *Feel empty & that gets better when I'm with someone  *Everything turns into a reason to kill myself eventually, and I've kind of given up on expecting anything good to last  *Cannot maintain a feeling of happiness, or even a feeling of being content  *Rarely will dissociate when angry or upset enough  *I take EVERYTHING personally, even if I shouldn't  *Good personal skills when I know someone well, but cannot form attachments to new people and am frequently told that I \"don't understand social cues\" or that I am \"awkward\"  *Can't stop myself from talking sometimes  *Feel like I'm the scapegoat in every group  *Feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be fixed  *Cannot stop scratching/picking at my head/face, or biting the inside of my mouth  *Usually angry about something, but can't express it in a positive way, so then become suicidal  *Extreme all-or-nothing with friendships and activities  *Will do/say something that seems normal to me, but is viewed as odd  *Will do/say something and then wonder why I did that because I think it was odd  *Genuinely do not see a future for myself in which I can be happy  *Cannot take a compliment, and have difficulty giving compliments  *Uncomfortable in group settings  *Known to binge-eat  *Difficulty being social without drinking/smoking  *Difficulty connecting to people  *Cannot find the mid-ground in anything  *Stubborn  *Emotionally erratic  *Cannot make decisions for the life of me  *Having options leaves me in a state of anxiety  *Get angry, depressed, or suicidal from simply from having to make choices\n\n\nI think that is it. I feel like the physical symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD have been reduced through treatment (currently Vyvanse, TMS, and therapy), and my mood has somewhat improved, but thoughts haven't changed and are pretty ingrained into my personality I think. Things do get better when I'm in a relationship or seeing someone, but that is pretty much the only time I can feel that I am okay with my life, and I tend to get involved with pretty toxic people.\n\n(Disclaimer: I know that soliciting diagnostic advice from reddit isn't advised, but I'm curious as to others' experiences.)\nMay or may not add more to this list if I can think of anything. Probably not going to edit or revise this to make it look nice, only because I'm exhausted and have work to do.\n\nThanks in advance for all your help! ", "answer": "With the rejection sensitivity (which is a hallmark of BPD), there is also a concept called \"rejection sensitive dysphoria\" which can be common with ADHD.  It is associated with experiencing extreme criticism from others.  Google the term to read more about it. I do commend you on your willingness to look at yourself and grow. Just remember that you are doing the best you can and growth is on your terms...even if others are not able to \"get you\".  That just shows THEIR lack of growth and understanding. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "64i179", "comment_id": "dg3fay1"}, {"question": "Keeping busy", "description": "Ok, I am not Suzy Homemaker, but I am handy. When you are bored or stressed out, sometimes all you have to do is get busy doing something. Today, I disassembled my washer and scrubbed the agitator and made sure all my dogs were barking or at least preventing the agitator from going backwards. I won't gross you out with how filthy it was, but it's something you may want to do every decade. It was actually quite fun working with my hands again. I can't even remember what I was bummed about.", "answer": "I can relate tonight! Had an evening slump after an emotionally challenging Friday at work, and I decided to use a bunch of veggies and make vegan matzo ball soup as an experiment for the first time in my life (not a culturally familiar dish) and it totally turned my evening around. A satisfying, productive project can really warm the heart.", "topic": "MadOver30", "post_id": "dgovui", "comment_id": "f3dtux9"}, {"question": "I am 16. Severely depressed. Overwhelmed. And am having the worst anxiety ever.", "description": "So it all started around the beginning of march. It was mainly social triggers. I came out as trans, which was not a good idea. Some people were not accepting. Which created a lot of anxiety. Seriously I cannot sleep anymore. I'm sleeping in class now. Which i never used to do.\n \nAlso, it was around that time that I had quit smoking (vaping) pot. I had no more money left. But it helped greatly with my nerve pain and migraines, etc. Anyways, my anxiety shot through the roof. \n\nSo then I started taking Prozac. Which I've learned has completely made it worse. I am so angry and agitated all the time. And I've been having really weird, crazy, irrational thoughts. Also a lot more depressed. So I've stopped that.\n\nNow my teachers at school are creating problems. They are complete assholes and are not understanding. I have been telling them over and over. I even had a panic attack IN CLASS and they still don't seem to care. \n\nI dont know what to do. I'm struggling. Missing school all the time. I have to wait 5 more weeks to see any doctor, because I live in Alaska, we have shitty mental health care here. We don't have a lot of doctors here (Psychiatry wise)\n\nIts shit. Our health care is shit. My school teachers are shit. Everything appears to be shit. ", "answer": "It would probably benefit you to see a counselor in addition to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can try to help your moods with meds, but can't see you often. A counselor can help you deal with the core of your distress but can also give you pragmatic tips on handling school, teachers, and social stuff. And if need be, can advocate for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1dglb5", "comment_id": "c9q8qrs"}, {"question": "After reading this subreddit for so long, I decided to post my story....", "description": "Hello,\n\n\n \n\nI have been smoking and vaping for close to 3 years now and recently I've felt the urge to quit.  I track a lot of my daily activities through day planners so I have gone back to logs from 2014 where I wrote that I needed to quit weed but I just never seemed to kick the habit.  Here's my story, I apologize for the wall of text in advance.....\n\n \n\nAt the age of 21 I began smoking weed out of pure curiosity.  It fascinated me how all of my friends did it.  I wanted to know what it felt like when you got high.  It was wonderful at first!  Everything tasted better.  I had more energy to workout.  I was funnier and more joyous than usual.  I made amazing music and had deep profound insights on a daily basis.\n\n \n\nTime went on and my tolerance increased so I needed to consume more weed or more potent weed to get high.  Thank goodness I had a friend who lived down the street from me that had the highest quality cannabis you could find in the world :)  I began to vape because smoking hurt my throat too much and we only vaped that good shit if you know I mean ;)\n\n \n\nOne day I was at my friends house and he had made some weed cookies.  He had put a LARGE amount of vaped weed in the mixture and he hadn't told me this prior to ingesting them.  As a matter of fact, he told me to eat 2! So I ended up having 2 small but highly potent cookies containing A MASSIVE amount of cannabis.\n\n \n\nThat night I had the first panic attack of my life.  I felt an artificial fear in my body yet in my mind I was contemplating what was causing this fear as I had nothing to be scared of?  I was not in control of my heart rate or muscle movements yet in my mind I was completely calm.  This showed me that the cannabis made me lose control of my body and was inducing anxiety, fear and physiological changes associated with panic.  I now have this feeling every time I smoke but at a way lower level than the initial time it happened.\n\n \n\n\nWhen I was 17 I went through cancer and have been in remission, cancer free since I was 18.  I received chemotherapy for 6 months and got better REALLY fast.  On top of the chemo I ate well, exercised gently and used concentration and visualization to keep my mind strong.  My oncologist was shocked at how my blood counts were higher and stronger than any other young patient or healthy patient he had dealt with.  I was completely determined to get better and was motivated to help others get better once I did. \n\n\n \n\nDuring my illness I did not have much energy so I spent lots of time meditating and playing video games.  I became determined to be the best player in Canada for the game I play (DFO) and I did! I went to the World Championships for DFO in Korea in 2015! I accomplished the goal which I had set for myself so many years ago!\n\n \n\nWhen I got better I faced all of my fears head on and conquered them.  I managed to smash my fear of public speaking by speaking about what I learned from going through cancer at all the high schools in my area in front of groups ranging from 20-800 people.  I became a motivational speaker with the Cancer Society and spoke at their events in my area with no fear whatsoever. \n\n \n\nI also became dedicated to my health and the health of others as well as the prevention/amelioration of illness and injury.  I was inspired to help other people that were sick, and so I began studying Kinesiology and Health Science at my local university at the age of 18.  In my studies I found that meditation, exercise and nutrition were the best tools to help myself and others and they were the tools I was most interested in applying.  Mastering these three things would ultimately prevent illness and remove illness from those who were already sick.\n\n\n \n\nDuring my final years of university we learned about meditation and relaxation exercises.  I had already been lifting weights and eating healthy so meditation was the final piece to the puzzle.  At this time, I had also decided to get a head start in helping people so I took a course in Reiki.  I had always been interested in energy healing and with a daily meditation practice as my assignment in my class, the two went together perfectly :)  I thought giving my hands to someone would be the quickest and most effective way to help someone get better.\n\n \n\nWhen I began placing my hands on others they would have visions, see angels, see Jesus, healings would occur and many other paranormal yet miraculous things happened.  Whatever I visualized, they would see and feel within their body.  I would do distance treatments on people and they would feel whatever I intended to do or what part of their body I was touching.  The results were phenomenal!  I also began to have precognitive dreams on a regular basis.  I would see danger that my loved ones or patients were going to face in their future as well as other things that were going to happen in my day and the days of others. At this time I was still getting high but I had not had the panic attack yet.\n\n \n\nWhen I had the panic attack, I stopped meditating, stopped exercising, started eating bad and uncontrollably, stopped dreaming and started having uncontrollable thinking episodes.  All of the discipline and joy that had surmounted in me has seemed to go up in smoke.  When patients come by for treatments it takes a lot longer for them to get better.  I am losing the love for what I do and I am beginning to doubt everything I do.  I am very negative now and have lost that zest for life which I had after I beat the cancer.\n\n \n\nI am at the point where I don't know if its the cannabis that has resulted in me losing my drive or if I have just lost my drive for doing what I do.  I wake up in the morning sad and wondering what I'm going to do to earn a living and just live through the day.  At night I'm happy to go to sleep because I just might have an insightful dream or one that I could use to help others or I could train in my dreams (I go hard with using the mind to find human potential) but I don't because I smoke before I go to sleep, even though I'm typing out right now that I want to stop.  Its like an endless loop of despair.....\n\n \n\nI feel as if I am depressed and that the cannabis may be playing a part in all of this.  When I am not high, I feel amazing! When I get high, I automatically feel scared and anxious.  I am in the same room and nothing has changed other than myself inhaling vaped cannabis.\n\n \n\nAfter looking through everything I typed I feel so dumb because its clear that I should stop smoking weed.  But I still feel lost......the confusion is killing me!  I have been stressed about how I am going to piece everything that I do together in order to earn a living.  I took a course in buddhist meditation and medical qigong to hone my sensory skills for dealing with patients and a course in Reflexology to help those with foot pain.  Rather than feeling happy and joyful about being in these classes, I feel down and lost.  I don't know if anything I do really helps people.  I doubt the effectiveness of all these things I do now.  I think, even if I go to medical school I'll be filling people with drugs that aren't going to do anything for them anyway.  AND in the end, everyone dies anyway, so what is the point to healing or staying healthy?  More and more people get sick every day and it seems as if my efforts are futile in the long run.\n\n \n\nIs this thinking a result of the cannabis? I never EVER thought like this before.  Or is it a result of the practices I do (meditation, qigong)?  When I was first doing these things I was happy and joyful, now I can't focus as easily and my thoughts run rampant.  Do I stop the cannabis? Or do I stop pursuing health and healing?  I pray everyday for an answer, but have yet to get one direct one.  Or is the fact that I feel cannabis is throwing me off the sign that I should focus on health and healing once again?  I don't know.....Sorry about the wall of text...........\n\n \n\nAny help would be greatly appreciated!\n\n \n\n<3 you all!\n", "answer": "To briefly sum up your post:\n\n-When you started smoking, it was awesome. Then, over time, you began needing more and more Marijuana to get the same results as before.\n\n-You had a very negative experience using - the panic attack - and you continue to smoke even though it sounds like you still have bad side effects. \n\n-Things that used to feel meaningful and bring you joy are no longer enjoyable.\n\n-You've wanted to quit since 2014 but have not been able to do so.\n\n-You feel better when you're not high, yet you continue to use.\n\n\nLooking at all the evidence, do you think you need to quit? It's ultimately up to you to decide, but friend, I will say that it doesn't sound like weed is doing you any favors.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "45hksk", "comment_id": "czy9lly"}, {"question": "What to expect from a first time \"Psychiatric Consult\" referral from my medical doctor? Already on meds and done CBT.", "description": "- Age: 30\n- Sex: Male\n- Height: 5'10\"\n- Weight: 252\n- Race: White\n- Duration of complaint: 4-5 years\n- Location (Geographic and on body): USA Midatlantic\n- Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Current medications (if any): Escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), Vyvanse (50 mg), and Zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)\n\nHello,\n\nMy medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"Psych Consult\" to a local psychiatric office and I was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.\n\nThe details are as follows, but I can provide more if needed:\n\n- On SSRI, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem (Ambien)\n- Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness.\n- Already on medication, did CBT (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great.\n- About 4 years ago, I gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. The other 4-5 days I eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. This never happened before until about 4 years ago.\n\nMain doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. No explicit goals or other instructions.\n\nI don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but I don't want the Psych to think that I am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.\n\nSo, if I've already done CBT, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward I should expect from the psych or my main doctor?\n\nThanks", "answer": "It probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.\n\nThat said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. That's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. A good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.\n\nPsychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "dx95d1v"}, {"question": "What are the best responses to \"why you're so quiet\"?", "description": "Or the even more obnoxious sarcastic remark, \"you're so loud/rowdy\"? ", "answer": "Quiet rivers run deep.\n\nPassive aggressive: empty vessels make the most noise.\n\nBut honestly, it's all kind of bullshit. Just cuz I'm quiet doesn't mean I have anything profound to say, and just cuz you're jabberin away doesn't mean you're an idiot. But maybe it'll get people to stop calling you out for it.\n\n\n", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "t0kx9", "comment_id": "c4iln0e"}, {"question": "Weird interactions with my therapist today, I'm not sure what I think about it.", "description": "I had my weekly appointment with my therapist today, and we focused on my CSP for the first time since I told her (maybe a month ago). I assume she has never worked with someone else who has CSP since she asked me a bunch of questions. So far so good. But then a couple of things made me feel uneasy. The first one was when she asked me what I think before I pick. I told her that I usually don't really think anything, it's more an automatism (I mean, isn't that why it's compulsive?) when I have anxiety, and her answer was, with an annoyed tone, \"everyone thinks something before doing something, that's human nature\". Ok, maybe she had a bad day? Guess what, me, too, and I'm paying her to get help to figure my sh*t out, not to hear her being annoyed at me. Second thing, almost at the end of the session, she asked me on a scale from 0 to 10, 10 being, the most, how much I wanted to stop picking... Hum? I don't know? I really wanted to feel humiliated so I detailed to someone I don't really know the thing I'm most ashamed of? Well, I guess I'm going to choose 10 then... At that point I got frustrated and told her I wouldn't have told her something I'm deeply ashamed of if I didn't want to stop. \n\nHas anyone had a similarly uncomfortable experience with a therapist (health professional) when discussing you CSP? Am I being unreasonable, or do you also think it was not really appropriate of her to say those things? I think I'm going to give her another week, but it's not the first time she's been not really appropriate (other example off topic: I've been dealing with a possibly coming back eating disorder, and after I told her that I didn't want to decide on a number of calories to eat a day, she basically answered: well, whenever you're ready to be healthy, we can talk about it)\n\nThanks guys!", "answer": "Maybe you're not ready to talk about this yet. A 1-10 scale is common practice to test the waters on a client's readiness to change and asking you to think about what thoughts you have before you pick is also normal. You probably are thinking of something and are not aware of it yet. Like you said, maybe you were having a bad day. Maybe your therapist was as well and you picked up on that. Don't drop her for this one thing. Talk to her about your concerns during the next session. ", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "4juj0s", "comment_id": "d39u5ak"}]
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