diff --git "a/test.json" "b/test.json" --- "a/test.json" +++ "b/test.json" @@ -1 +1 @@ -[{"question": "How strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "Girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.\n\nAnything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... Are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "There's not a lot of good data on which antidepressants are better, but a recent large study put venlafaxine in the tentative most effective group.\n\nDaily doses go higher \\(recommended up to 225mg daily for depression or anxiety, and higher for some other diagnoses\\).\n\nVenlafaxine is well known for having one of the more rapid and unpleasant discontinuation syndromes among antidepressants. It won't harm you, but it won't be fun.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "dxselrm"}, {"question": "In Need of Advice", "description": "Hi guys. \nI've been in a relationship with a great person for 3 years. We recently moved in together and while we've had some ups and downs like all couples, everything has been ok. \n\nIn moving in with her however, I've come to realize we have next to nothing in common. \n\n- She can't stand the music i listen to because i like melancholy music and she is a bit fragile emotionally so she always complains. \n- We don't really like the same movies.\n- I'm way more social than her. She barely sees her friends so we're always hanging out with mine.\n- She's more of an active person during the day and i like going out to see bands later at night. She doesn't really like being out past midnight.\n- She has an insatiable desire for travel overseas where I'm happy to travel every 5 or so years and save my money.\n- Our sex life is a little complicated. I have some intimacy issues that make it difficult and even then we are having sex maybe once a week tops and at the moment its feeling a little forced.\n- I'm from the outer suburbs and she's from the city. She works in the city and i work in the outer suburbs. The place we live is kind of in the middle to make things fair, its an inner city suburb however and being stuck in traffic all the time is really starting to make me feel claustrophobic.\n\nDespite all these differences we have a very loving and affectionate relationship. I know she's all set on us spending our lives together.\nI love her but i'm having doubts about whether we are compatible as people but also feel like maybe I'm self sabotaging. \nI worry that I'm going to have a mid life crisis in a few years. It feels like we are living seperate lives because I'm always out playing in my band and seeing other bands play while she will stay at home or go see her parents. \n\nShe can be very hard to talk too regarding these things due to her fragile emotional state. She can often get irrational when discussing these things so it often turns into an exhausting exercise which makes me feel like i don't want to say anything to avoid an argument and try and get things back to normal. \n\nSo I'm at a crossroads. We have our lease renewal coming up in August and she is pushing for an overseas trip around then too so i feel like i need to make a decision.\n\nJust looking for some guidance because this is a decision which will change my life dramatically and im often finding myself on different sides of the fence very frequently.\n\n\n", "answer": "if you are in love, have shared values, and life goals, then the most important things are in place. shared interests are over-rated; maybe see a therapist together", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tp5hd", "comment_id": "ddo1de7"}, {"question": "Need advice please", "description": "I'm (19f) and I have a relationship I've been with him for a year and half he is 22 and like 3 months into the relationship i found that his guy friend would send him nudes of other girls and he apologize and then later we broke up and we got together right away and 2 weeks later he would still tell his friend we weren't together then that same day I found that he asked his guy friend \" who is that girl with the big booty\" and I got mad ! I don't trust him and now it's been almost a 8 months since that happen and he started being different towards me doesn't want to see me as often doesn't tell me what he is doing and says he doesn't have to tell me everything he does and he would never shave down there and now all of a sudden he starts . \n\nI need advice please , am I overreacting or he is up to something ", "answer": "he's not ready for a serious relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5majgf", "comment_id": "dc22p6i"}, {"question": "Is Antisocial Personality Disorder still a relevant term?", "description": "If so, How does it differ from Social Anxiety?", "answer": "ASPD refers to long standing maladaptive (harmful or destructive) patterns of behavior that includes destruction of property, breaking of laws, hurting people, etc. Not in any way anxiety. \n \nBeyond that, even if \"antisocial\" meant \"asocial\" (Socially withdrawn, isolating essentially), it would still exist along with social anxiety because of the implication of a personality disorder (Axis II) verses \"mental\" disorders (Axis I). Axis I disorders are what you think of when you usually think of as mental illness. Axis I includes everything from anxiety to PTSD to depression through to schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. \n \nContrast this to Axis II disorders, or personality disorders. Like I said about ASPD above, personality disorders are characterized by long standing maladaptive patterns of behaviors. Rather than possibly being caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, these disorders are usually learned in early to middle childhood and solidified during adolescence and early adulthood. They are extremely difficult to treat, partly because they are such strong tendencies and partly because someone who might be diagnosed with a personality disorder will feel that they are fine and everyone else has the problem. \n \nIf you look into personality disorders, you'll see that they often have components that might be associated with many other disorders. It's also interesting to note that in some circles, there has been talk that dysthymia (long term, low grade depression) might be better classified as a personality disorder. This would not interfere with the classification as depression in any way. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1y3h00", "comment_id": "cfh60r0"}, {"question": "Can't tell if shes ignoring me or just busy", "description": "So I met this woman through a friend of mine and the first time we met we clicked, end up talking and dancing with her all night. I get her number and we go out and it goes amazing, next time i saw the friend who I met her through and he was telling me how much she enjoyed our time together, we go out a couple of more time each one seemimg better than the last, we have plans for a 4th date and a couple of days before she calls me up and says she has to cancel (shes a lawyer and had a big case and was super busy) a week goes by and I didn't hear from her so I figured we were done, I then get a call from her saying that the trial is over and she really wants to see me again we make a date and go hiking everything seemed to be great she wanted to hold hands while we walk and evne said that she feels incredibly comfortable with me and that it suprised her how fast we got to this point. We continued talking regularly after that and on our next date we go to a movie, again she always wantes to hold hands as we walked and pretty much spent the entire movie cuddling with me, driving her home she brings up the fact that my birthday is in a month and that we should do something, then starts asking me about my schedule for the rest of the week so on a Wednesday we make plans for friday I said that I'd like to cook her dinner and she gets a little giggily and say no man has ever done that for her, I kissed her goodnight and headed home (we started kissing on the 2nd date and it seemed like we escalated that everytime we saw each other after no sex but more contact) she even asked me to let her know when I got home. So the day of the date comes and I get a morning text from her saying verbatim \"hey im not gonna be able to do tonight\" and that was it all i texted back was \"ok\" I called her a 5 days later agter not hearing from her she didnt pick up I left a message just saying \"hey its B just seeing how you are\" that was 3 days ago. She had told me that she has a race soon I was gonna text her the day after and ask how the race went but don't know if I should or should I just leave it be a see if she ever gets back to me", "answer": "The ball is in her court. Keep living your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f10v1", "comment_id": "dielrvq"}, {"question": "Ladies of r/pcos, I need help developing a skin routine...", "description": "I recently turned 30 and I'm determined to take better care of my skin. I'm a minority it doesn't age as fast (comparatively speaking), but I'd like to keep it as healthy and blemish-free as possible. Right now to take care of my skin I drink water, get at least 7 hours of sleep a day, don't smoke cigarettes, and wash my face daily-if you could even call that a routine, lol. My acne has never been severe, despite PCOS, but I do have a few scars from it. My skin would be classified as dry. \n\nFor the sake of consistency, I would like to buy all of my products from the same brand/line. My specifications are: 1. suited to dry skin, 2. not tested on animals (I absolutely cannot compromise on this), and 3. affordable (I work in a gov't job so I can't splurge). I'm looking for something that's anti-aging, reduces blemishes, and brightens skin. \n\nWhat would you ladies recommend? Also, is it just an urban legend that drinking spearmint tea clears up your skin?", "answer": "I swear by Naturopathica. May not meet affordability criteria but the products last so you can make the case for it even financially. Yes, my face wash is like $50 but it lasts six months. Ingredients are natural, many organic, and I THINK cruelty free. \n\nI use the Oat Cleansing Facial Polish in the AM and follow with Calendula moisturizer. PM, I switch between Aloe Cleansing Gel and Sweet Lupine Makeup Remover Cleansing Cream, and follow with Calendula moisturizer again. I\u2019ve been experimenting with serum samples under the Calendula cream at night to good effect too. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7w7pv0", "comment_id": "dtz2i9f"}, {"question": "Daily Tao Wednesday: Engagement", "description": "Prey passes the tiger who\n\nSometimes merely looks,\n\nSometimes pounces without hesitation,\n\nBut never fails to act.\n\n**My Take:**\nWhen I drank, I was completely disengaged with life. That bottle was all that mattered, and my life revolved around it. Now, sober and alert, it's almost sensory overload. I feel the need to \"pounce\" on everything. Not in a violent way. I mean I feel the need to somehow deal with everything that comes my way.\n\nI need to learn to let some things pass, but remain aware of them.", "answer": "Exactly. Sensory overload but it's all right at our finger tips, how can we not pounce? Keep it up!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43yy1y", "comment_id": "czmimme"}, {"question": "Body language and behavior in therapy only", "description": "I was asked to crosspost this a few places:\n\nI literally cower in therapy and I don\u2019t know why it induces such a visibly uncomfortable anxiety response. It\u2019s as if I\u2019m trying to hide from him\u2014I cover my face, turn my head away and hide it in my hands, pull my legs over my chest, and sometimes attempt to curl up. I\u2019m also pulling on my fingers a lot and wringing them around and playing with things constantly. My voice is also quieter and shaky. I guess maybe this is \u201cregression.\u201d\n\nI don\u2019t know why I do this. I find this really embarrassing because it makes me feel insane and like a child and like I can\u2019t have a professional adult relationship with this person. But at the same time it seems counterproductive to suppress it, as for whatever reason this submissive behavior is coming naturally to me and I shouldn\u2019t have to pretend or wear a mask in therapy. \n\nDoes anyone else leave therapy embarrassed by their body language and general way of interacting because it\u2019s not how you would interact with anyone else? I\u2019ve been wondering if it\u2019s because my therapist is male (like my abusers) or if it\u2019s just because my body feels like this is the place we will talk about my \u201ctrauma\u201d and is anticipating it.\n\nAlso: Therapists, I\u2019d love if you\u2019d also weigh in: what do you think is going on with a client if they act this way in session?", "answer": "You're protecting your body from ingress verbally, visually and perceptively. Maybe. Also I'd screen for bodily assault in your history. \n\nI've had clients do this for weeks. It's so awesome to see them come back each week because I know how hard it must be for them just to show up. \n\nYou're a fountain of courage and must want this shit bad. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "94gh2q", "comment_id": "e3kuybh"}, {"question": "I just got out of the mental hospital.", "description": "So, I've had posts here and in SW recently, and I figured I'd let folks know how that went. I checked myself into a local mental health unit on Wednesday. My medication has been adjusted, I am now on generic Zoloft, 100 mg. It's an SSRI like the citalopram was, but with a much wider dosing range, so I probably won't have to mix medications to fix things.\n\nIt wasn't nearly as terrifying this time, probably because I was voluntary admission, and probably also because I wasn't in as bad of a place, mentally. Last time I was transferred in immediately following a suicide attempt. I didn't have hope of things being better. This time I was suicidal, but knew there was hope, and went in intending to survive long enough for things to be fixed.\n\nThere is a reason for these places. They aren't punishments, they aren't just prisons with better PR, and they certainly aren't Bethlem House. If you're not feeling safe with yourself, it might well be a good idea to check yourself in to a facility for a time to get better.", "answer": "Welcome back! Also glad you are alright. \n\nHospitalization was one of the best things that ever happened to me in many ways. People think I'm seriously weird for saying this. Still, I would be dead if not for that. Your words really ring true for me.\n\nHere's to things keep looking up from here. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yru6h", "comment_id": "c5ycaw8"}, {"question": "People with depression, how do you respond to people who tell you your not depressed?", "description": "My therapist recently told me to be more open with my anxiety and depression as he thinks desperately hiding it makes it worse. I've not been shouting it from the rooftops but I have tried being more open with friends, family and colleagues and I can't believe the negative responses that I've received, mostly about the depression part of it. From people saying 'everyone thinks they're depressed nowadays' to 'what have you even got to be depressed about?!' I can't believe how many self styled experts there are out there.", "answer": "I remember that hey aren\u2019t in my head and can\u2019t possibly diagnose me from inside their own biased worlds. I also wonder what makes them so threatened by me having depression that they can\u2019t accept it. The.m I think about if they are really and truly valuable in my life and if they are they should want to understand, help, and support me. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p6wbc", "comment_id": "dsf0553"}, {"question": "Question about numbing injection during medical procedure", "description": "Age: 28 Healthy Length: 1 Day\n\nNormal numbing injection for cyst removal on scalp. Is it normal for swelling to occur in the area where numbing solution was injected after the procedure is completed?", "answer": "It's normal to have swelling around where a procedure was done, which is where the numbing solution would be injected. So yes, I think so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fo5t", "comment_id": "ejd6tbt"}, {"question": "As a guy what can you do to prevent yourself from becoming a desperate clinger to the next girl who accepts you?", "description": "In the past when I had girlfriends when it ended I used to be able to shrug it off and get over it fairly quickly, but it's been about 7 years since I had a girlfriend plus I'm still a virgin as well. \n\nPlus with loneliness finally starting to kick in along with my hormones acting up now I'm terrified at the possibility at becoming one of those people who are so insecure in themselves that I'll cling to the next girl who accepts me and bend to their every whim out of fear of losing them and fear of not knowing if I'll ever get so lucky again should it ends....\n\n", "answer": "You identified it yourself. You have to improve your self esteem, because being alone is better than a sub-par relationship, and you don't want to settle. Self esteem comes from success. Find ways to succeed in ANY way, and it will build.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wo3em", "comment_id": "dm9i28g"}, {"question": "I distrust mental health professionals.", "description": "I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD but I am about 93% sure that this is what I'm dealing with. I want to seek help and get an official diagnosis but for a long time, I've hated psychiatrist and anything similar. I don't trust them. It stems back to when I was a senior in high school. That's when my depression went into overdrive. I would disassociate in the middle of class and end up just walking out. Or sometimes I'd get so overwhelmed with emotions and the desire to die that I would walk out, find a secluded area in the school, sit on the floor, and just cry. No one knew this though. I was the happy girl who everyone wanted to be friends with. Anyway, my English teacher was the only one who picked up on it. One day, she called me up to the front of class and whispered, \"Are you ok?\" I laughed, smiled, and said. \"yeah!\" She looked at me, reached into her desk, and wrote me a slip and told me a room number to go to. Confused, I went. Turns out it was the school therapist/psychiatrist. I ended up talking to her often. She told me that whenever I felt overwhelmed, I could come to her office, so I did. Every time I walked out of a class, I found myself knocking at her door. It was amazing, because I'm the kind who likes to suffer alone. I don't talk about my problems to anyone. If I do have BPD, it is definitely the quiet type. But here was this women who I could openly talk about my problems to without judgment. It was relieving and a huge weight off my shoulders. Well, one day I decide to open up to her about my being suicidal. The conversation went well, she told me ways to cope. That was also the day she brought up her suspicions of me being either Bipolar or having BPD. Later that day, I go home, and I am greeted by my very pissed off mother who begins yelling at me. The psychiatrist called her and told her that we'd been talking, that I was suicidal and so on. I felt completely betrayed. Looking back to it, I know that she was just doing her job. If a minor tells you they're suicidal, the wise thing to do is probably tell their parents right? Well, I come from a culture that doesn't believe in mental health issues and depression. So my mom was angry. She felt that she's given her children everything so I had no reason to be depressed. I felt like crap because my mom was so disappointed and hurt that I was depressed. Anyway, I got into a lot of trouble and since that day, I never went back to see that psychiatrist. I went back to keeping everything inside and bottling everything up. I will never forget what my mom told me when I was a kid. I was emotional all the time. She said, \"People don't always need to know how you're feeling. They don't need to know when you're sad. You see how many people love to be around me because I'm happy all the time?\" And that's what I learned. When you're happy, people love you. When you show anything else but that, people don't want anything to do with you. Anyway, I haven't ever gotten the courage to see a psychiatrist again but at this point I know that I really need to. I just don't know how to get over my distrust/fear/hatred for them.", "answer": "If you threaten suicide, that's what happens. If you feel you want to hurt yourself or might hurt yourself, that's what NEEDS to happen. If you don't believe that is a legitimate risk and you just kinda 'feel' that way, that will be the response because you cannot use suicide as a coping mechanism or a way to express yourself.\n\nThe way its set up, if your family does not believe in mental health, that's not culture so much as it is neglect. Your mom can have her own tricks but you aren't your mom. And you have more emotional intelligence than her. \n\nYour individual needs outweigh cultural needs. \n\nIf you are fasting during Ramadan most will admit they have taken a snack when they weren't supposed to. And those rules do not apply if you have health needs like diabetes. This is the same thing. You have mental illness, you need help and support. Not tradition.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "buvk9c", "comment_id": "epiheea"}, {"question": "If one more person tells me I can \"cure\" my ADHD through diet I think I might lose my mind", "description": "I rarely argue with people online, but some Instagram self-proclaimed \"nutritionist\" posted a thing about how to cure all sorts of mental illness through diet. I lost it and internet yelled at her to PLEASE stop blaming ADHD and depression on f***** gluten. Or sugar. Or whatever. \n\nI've had great luck with eating healthy. I feel better when I eat better. But it does not \"cure\" my mental illness. You know what actually makes a significant difference?? 300 mg of Wellbutrin a day. And consistent therapy. \n\nShe responded that she had \"suicidal depression\" until she stopped eating processed foods and wheat. Good for you! It didn't help me. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6. I'm 35 now. You think if cutting out bread would fix me I would have figured it out by now???\n\n/Endrant", "answer": "I got told by my psychotherapist supervisor to do yoga. Ugh.\n\nEdit: I agree that this is beneficial advice but we were talking in the context of meds.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajm4fj", "comment_id": "eex4qke"}, {"question": "When we (33f and 34m, married) get annoyed/frustrated our ability to communicate falls to pieces. Advice?", "description": "My(33f) husband(34m) and I have been together for 8ish years, married for three. We communicate well with things are going well but suck at it when things aren't. \n\nFor some history:\n\nME:\n I come from a background where talking about your problems wasn't done and was probably a sign of weakness. Crying was for girls etc. and I grew up being a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle now. For example, when my brother died and I tried to talk about it I got shot down pretty quick and afterwards it was pretty clear that we don't talk about that now - and we didn't. I wasn't shown a lot of affection after that and I get that it must have been hard after losing a child and respect that but it was still hard. For example, I was in an accident and nearly died and needed a hug from my mother and she told me I was an attention seeker and turned away. I was so obvious that I had a stranger come and give me a hug while I broke down in tears. Again, I get here that it must have been scary for her and brought up a lot but I needed my parents and didn't have them. \n\nHIM:\nHis parents got pregnant at uni and when his Dad found out he left , coming back to pay minimal child support and then when he asked his new girlfriend to marry him, she responded only if you never talk to your son again and pretend he never existed. He agreed and my husband never saw him again. His mother remarried and he grew up as the other. Not really considered one of the kids and the first to get in trouble as a proxy for everyone else and has a lot of feelings of his life being unfair. He left home young and has made his own way since. He needs a lot of reinforcement and has a low self-esteem. \n\nTogether:\nWe got pregnant basically as soon as we moved in together and it was way too early in the relationship but we made it work. Because we hadn't developed a strong foundation there was a fear that any fight could be the end for him and he walked on eggshells around me. He didn't want to leave because he didn't want to be his Dad and I didn't want to make him leave because I didn't want to take away his experience of being a Dad. Anyway, we fell out of love, we fell back in love and we lasted. We worked through our issues before we got married but that fear of it not working pervaded the mechanics of our relationship even when we got to the point where we knew it was irrational because we had survived so much. \n\nWe ended up with a fear of confrontation, him because he thought I would leave him any time we fought and me because I thought he would get emotional and think I was leaving when I wasn't and I wanted to avoid the fall out. So we stopped fighting.\nI used to be a get everything out in the moment and deal person but now I am a walk away, calm down, get head straight and then come back and explain why things went wrong, what triggered the response, apologise or talk about the issues. He wants me to be able to do all of that in a heightened emotional state and I don't know how to anymore. We are good at tapping out or noticing when the other parent is overwhelmed and then they can go have a time out while we take over but we cannot seem to stay in the same space with those feelings and communicate without either feeding off of each other or getting the other one annoyed and making it worse. If he gets overwhelmed and angry he wants me to hug him to calm him down and make it all better but I can't/won't do that because I won't go towards someone who is angry. For clarity, he isn't abusive but I have experienced that in the past before him and he is probably less angry than I am perceiving through my own experiences. I get that he needs love in that place to feel worth but I don't know how to give it to him. \n\nWhat I am asking is, does anyone have advice or tools to be able to negotiate or interact successfully in times of heightened emotion. I don't want him to get cranky at the kids because he/we can't manage his frustration and it builds and I don't want him to feel misunderstood or unloved. When he is alright he is so patient and understanding and a such a great Dad but when he is overwhelmed/impatient/cranky then I tend to get angry at him and make it worse and I don't want to. \n\nHow do we calm each other rather than riling each other up when we are in that place other than removing ourselves or recommending that the other remove themselves. What do you do in these situations? We don't really fight - we get cranky and stop communicating and need to change this.\n\nEdited to add:\nTldr: Feed off each other when we are angry and don't want to. How can we communicate better in a heightened emotional state? ", "answer": "needs a summary; tl;dr. happy to help if you do that. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v17ic", "comment_id": "ddyfjh7"}, {"question": "Close friend of mine [22/f] is about to make a fairly large commitment to someone [19/m] she hardly knows.", "description": "Throwaway because she uses reddit and knows my name.\n\nSo this friend of mine. She met a guy online through a video game who just turned 19. Fresh out of high school going to the military. He's gone through his basic training and such and will be stationed in Germany for at least two years starting in a couple months.\n\nThey've seen each other in real life for three visits now, two weekends and one week (he lives about 3hrs away by plane). And they've realized the only way they'll be able to continue seeing each other is if she moved to Germany which neither of them have the money to support unless they get married and the US Government foots the bill. Now, apparently he's willing to foot the bill to send her back to the US and take care of everything divorce wise if things don't work out.\n\nThe thing is, she's looking to go back to school to be a Vet and has a job now. All of which she'd have to give up and/or go to school in Germany, again, with help from her boyfriend/husband (and the government most likely because they can't afford it again).\n\nThe biggest issue is this guy has totally fallen like a sack of bricks for her (as you'd expect when you read on below)... and she keeps saying she really likes him but she broke up with her boyfriend less than 4 months before meeting this guy. Not to mention, this is the guy's first relationship ever, no girlfriends in high school or anything. This is screaming \"help, I'm rebounding\" and \"omg someone looked at me\" all over but she just hasn't listened to anything I've said.\n\nOtherwise, to be honest, the guy's a nice guy from what I've seen. Just... she (nor I for that matter) really know him at all.\n\nPersonally, I just see a giant train wreck from every angle I'm really looking for some good input, I'm at a loss of what to tell them because to me it's fairly obvious. I'm on the verge of just letting them potentially ruin their collective lives but I'd prefer if that didn't happen. Unless you guys think I'm wrong, either way I'd really like to know, please help.", "answer": "It probably won't work out, but it will be fun while it lasts. Just tell her to get some long-acting birth control, like Mirena.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "161iql", "comment_id": "c7rvrft"}, {"question": "My dad is 55, only brushes his teeth in the morning, doesn't floss, smokes, eats all kinds of food, and has never had dental problems.", "description": "Is this normal? do we really need to brush at night and floss?", "answer": "Its all about probabilities and risk. If you took 100 people you'd find a significant number with health problems if they lived this lifestyle, but there would also be some that are fine. That's medicine for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kj5xh", "comment_id": "dboqcxn"}, {"question": "[M/17] Girl I had a date with said she felt a friend vibe and that's it so she rejected me, what did I do wrong?", "description": "(She's F/18) We'd been texting and calling a lot prior to our first date because I haven't been able to arrange a date right away so we'd call at night for a few hours and it was fun and she liked me. We went on a date to get some ice cream and just talk for a bit. Now I'm not really the conversation starter but once it's started I can kinda go on all sorts of tangents in most cases. I've never had a girlfriend before and there wasn't any touching because I just didn't know what to do so maybe that was it. ", "answer": "She's just not into you. You might or might not have had any capacity to change that. \n\nWhen you feel yourself going on tangents, see if you can breathe and relax. \n\nOnwards!\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dh420", "comment_id": "di2l043"}, {"question": "My neighbor may have broken in my house today, while I was home", "description": "I live in an apartment complex and have known this neighbor for a little less than a year while living here. He lives with his girlfriend in an apartment where his first floor porch faces my driveway/front door. So he always sees our friend's cars parked out front and tends to invite himself over whenever he feels he wants to 'get in on this.' \n\nI lost a spare key some time ago and had been unsure to chalk it up as carelessness (tho I remember using it to get in the house, then putting it on the counter) or if it had been taken from me.\n\nToday I got home from work around 4:30 and locked the door behind me, like I do everytime out of habit. My boyfriend had already left for work so I was in an empty house, aside from being on the phone with my boyfriend. That's when my neighbor called. I had a bad feeling about that call because once in the past, he had called my phone to see if I am home when bf is at work. Then when I got home, an envelope with ~$200 was missing. Again, could have been carelessness (but goddamn, 200 is worth a lot to me right now). Suspicions of my neighbor being a theif have risen since that incident, along with 2 others- both where weed out on the table dissappeared while bf and I were out. Each time, the neighbor had knowledge of these valuables. I really get a bad feeling from him in general. I've seen him go on xanex binges and steal candy from stores and I hear the way he talks about ways to get over on people in little ways that will go unnoticed. To me, he's a snake. \n\nAnyway, I was hanging out on the couch today, talking on the phone to my bf after work when (after the phone call) there was a knock on the door. I didn't answer it, but had even more of a feeling that something was going to happen. I knew neighbor was the on knocking and felt like he was testing to see if anyone was home and would answer.\n\nSo bf got off the phone and I turned the tv off, I was just chilling and redditing on my phone. That's when I hear what sounds like my lock being turned by a key and my door cracks open, there he is. The couch I was sitting on has a direct view down the stairs into the foyer where the front door is and goddamn, seeing his face there sent me in more of a rage than I have ever felt. I start yelling at him \"you fucking opened my door with a key! That door was locked! What the fuck?!?!\" \n\nAnd his defense? \"Oh, the door was unlocked, I SWEAR! I just opened it to make sure that your house was safe!\"\n\nI wasn't wearing pants and was wrapped in a blanket and was just screaming at him for lying and opening the door and to get the fuck out of my face and door. Slammed door and locked, followedby serious rage home alone.\n\nI didn't call the cops.\n\nWhat if it was unlocked? Like I said, locking the door when entering is my habit, but what if I hadn't locked it for some reason? Wow, I wish I called the cops.I am so enraged. This kid is a pussy douche. He wouldn't have come in and hurt me, but he would have probably snooped around just looking for weed or money to steal if he had the oppurtunity.\n\nI want him to fess up to having our key, but what if he doesn't have it? He also for sure KNOWS I HATE when he let's himself in my place. I'm not tight with him like that.\n\nPlus he has a warrent out for a failure to appear for traffic court... he could be takenaway, I am so mad I didn't call the cops right away in retrospect. I had to get this off my chest, I.am.angry.", "answer": "There are three steps that you need to do right now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, right-the-heck-now.\n\n**One:** Call the police. Tell them basically what you wrote here, that you're sure you had locked the door and you heard him turn the lock. Even if he is some \"good guy,\" his excuse is lame as hell. \"I'm opening your door to make sure your apartment is safe?\" Give me a break.\n\n**Two:** Call your apartment's management. Tell them about the incident and that you feel unsafe. If they're halfway decent people, they're going to do two things: change your locks free of charge and kick that asshole out.\n\n**Three:** If your apartment's management aren't halfway decent people, call a locksmith and change your locks yourself.\n\nListen, I'm not trying to frighten you, but it appears as if a stranger has access to your home. You don't know him and you need to rectify that situation as soon as possible for your own safety. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ey0fc", "comment_id": "ca4wxti"}, {"question": "A bit about how the government almost got me killed and raped, and why I can't work with my Dad or go back to school. [rant]", "description": "I posted this in response to someone on askreddit, but I felt like posting it here. I have a lot of anxiety issues and I decided to subscribe to this subreddit so I can rant occasionally, and also talk to people who go through similar things. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I've been down on myself since forever because I can't work. I dropped out of school when I was 15. Anyways...\n\nThe last week has been full of flashbacks and shit. Basically the government was responsible for putting me in a situation where I was almost killed and raped and I am very traumatized, and my government paid therapist quit seeing me because she is a shitty therapist and I have nowhere to turn to so I'm almost literally rotting away, at least my teeth are. I have had a sinus infection since november and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get really sick and die soon.\n\nI'm just high functioning autistic. I need help and the government isn't helping me except they pay for my house and that's it. My social worker doesn't even phone me she wouldnt know if I died.\n\nI tried working but the PTSD stopped me because my dad works in a store that has a major trigger. Box cutter/retractable blade reminded me of someone who used to slit his wrists to get a reaction out of us, and 2x4 reminded me of when the same guy would ge tlocked in a theraputic queit room to stop him from attacking us and a 2x4 was jammed in the ahllway to stop the door from busting out. I can't go back to school because someone I met in group therapy for aspergers tried to get me in the bathroom so he could rape me. My occupational therapist ditche dme because I was trying to go to the dentist so my sinus infection and rotting teeth would be fixed before I went to school.\nI can't really afford to pay for a new therapist on my own. All the government paid ones were shit to me.\n\nI'd be able to work with my dad if that wasn't the case, but it is and it's all due to really shitty therapists and health care system! I don't care if I take money from the government or if people think I'm a lazy stoner, because I know myself why I can't work or go back to school.\n\n(I don't actually smoke weed I just like the word stoner.)\n\n", "answer": "While of course it is impossible to tell via reddit, you seem to be a bit manic. Consider going to a hospital.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y6zvk", "comment_id": "c5tb61k"}, {"question": "Feeling pretty good for once!", "description": "I've always had problems with acne and dry skin on my face and have been trying out a new skin routine lately. I'm also in Arizona on vacation and it's way more dry here than I'm used to. I've been spending basically all my time inside, though, which is good because my face creams make me prone to burning. But anyways, I woke up yesterday and was absolutely horrified! My *entire* face was dry and peeling! Parts of my face were also red and splotchy, like some sort of burn. I have anxiety, and I was completely overwhelmed with the idea of going out in public looking like that.\n\nI immediately started freaking out and almost had a panic attack, but was able to calm myself down (woo!). I desperately wanted to pick all the skin off my face but I didn't really have time and knew it would probably look worse if I did. I only picked at my skin a little bit, around my eyelids where some skin was already mostly off anyways. I only spent like a minute picking, which is a huge accomplishment for me in a disaster scenario like this!! I just put on some moisturizer (CeraVe's Skin Renewing Night Cream) and my skin was actually almost completely fine by the end of the day!\n\nI think my skin probably got so bad partially because I've been slowly integrating new products into my face routine over the past few weeks + I'm in a dry area + we were running the AC all night. I'm not sure what was up with burnt looking spots, though, since I literally wasn't out in the sun at all... But I'm super proud of myself for mostly resisting the urge to pick! I can tell I'm getting better at controlling myself which is a big deal so I just wanted to share it with someone :)", "answer": "Congratulations! Good work choosing to take care of yourself :)", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "96efci", "comment_id": "e4drkhb"}, {"question": "How to handle compliments?", "description": "I been overweight for almost my whole life 29 atm. And I been bullied and criticised for many things. Because of this I have a low self esteem. Lately I started working out and lost a lot of weight. And I get a lot of compliments especially in the gym. I usually say thanks But it's really hard for me to handle. I'm not obesse anymore but I am still fat, and so I mostly response like \"Thank you, but I still got a long way to go\" or something.", "answer": "That sounds fine to me and very humble. \n\n\nIf you're trying to build your confidence up a little, try just saying \"thanks\" without making a negative statement about yourself or saying thanks and giving yourself an acknowledgement instead like \n\n\n\"Thanks... I've been working really hard at it!\"\n\n\nIt may not seem like that huge of a difference but the way you talk about yourself is closely linked to how you think/feel about yourself. If you change one, the other will start to follow.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "alhc2o", "comment_id": "efe3ug2"}, {"question": "Extremely paranoid friend who is getting worse every day.", "description": "I have an extremely paranoid friend living with me. They are suspecting that some government agency is targeting them and trying to convince everyone to work against them, to the point where they think I'm also \"in on it\". I have tried both pushing back on some of these ideas and going along with them to try to show the person that these ideas are false. This does come after a bad trauma with a problematic employer that made my friend leave their job. They also have a history of mental health illness (severe anxiety) and they've basically been a recluse for the last few years only focusing on their job. At this point it's hard to make them leave the house, let alone try to go see a therapist. They are looking for a new job but they are now becoming paranoid that any interview offer will just be a chance for this government agency to mess with them yet again. My current approach is to leave them alone and just surround them with positive things (nice food, funny movies, good books), but I have a feeling things are progressively getting worse as they are alone by themselves most of the day and coming up with new conspiracy theories.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nCurrently this person is living with us, because we were too afraid of letting them go live on their own. They dropped everything and drove across the country because they felt safest at our place. They said they could move out but it seems it may be a problem letting them be alone in this state. Is there an agency or a support line one could call (USA) to help them out?", "answer": "There could be a myriad of things going on there, so I would suggest looking up local resources and ways that your friend can get a proper medical workup and also a psychiatric evaluation.\n\nYou can always call the National Suicide Lifeline for some possible local resources. Note that you will want to call with a phone number that is local to your area code so you will be routed to the closest call center that may be more familiar with your area. You can also call 2-1-1 or go on their website and look for the local county behavioral health facilities. Many of them operate with state funding support and can help if finances are an issue. Same with local county health department for the medical workup.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvnks5", "comment_id": "ey5tu1u"}, {"question": "[25/unsure about gender?] Trouble making friends", "description": "Hi r/relationship_advice. First time posting here, still really new to reddit in general (3 weeks-ish). I'll try to keep this short.\n\n2016 absolutely wrecked me. I feel like I went from having it all to having basically nothing (and I've been homeless before. 2014 still wasn't this bad in comparison). A relationship of mine [19/F] became untenable after a year back in April, because I realized the person did not appreciate anything I did for them and they would rather yell at me when other people fell through instead of accepting my advice and help. I learned in the process that it is not a good idea to date someone who you act as a mentor figure towards.\n\nThat person then proceeded to spread lies about me on social media, yes, *that* familiar story. That would have been easy to deal with because the Internet is not my life, but I had to move shortly after that. Twice. In three months. Fairweather friends fell through, and long-time friends became distant. The online rumor mill got worse, and, long story short, I cannot go back to the websites on which I once had many friends.\n\nAnd, not that I ever really had any \"friends\" through my job, but I was also fired from my job of 7 years (for reasons I will not disclose) back in October. I got a new job two weeks later, but it's a completely different environment--I went from retail to Chipotle. I get along with my coworkers, but it feels like they have a social circle I can't get into for whatever reason.\n\nI have lived in this current position since August. The only upside to my social life is that I have a new girlfriend [20/F], someone who has remained my only regular-contact friend throughout everything. But at my age, I know it is unhealthy for a relationship when one partner has nobody else to talk to.\n\nI'm an outgoing person, really. But after the barrage of hits to my life over the past year, I'm kind of in a daze, and lately I find myself feeling heartbroken, even though I do have a loving girlfriend. It's unfamiliar to me to be in a position where I can honestly say I have no friends. I don't have a lot of money, so I can't really go out to bars, or anything like that. I kind of just... go to work, go home, and on off days, I go to the store and then go home.\n\n**tl;dr 2016 wrecked my social life. Outgoing person with no money, no car, new job, and no friends. Sad! What do?**", "answer": "have you checked out meetup.com ? a great way to meet people and pursue interests.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oez0k", "comment_id": "dcjj0tk"}, {"question": "I don\u2019t understand my own feelings?", "description": "It\u2019s difficult for me to even use the term depressed; one minute I\u2019m fine and the next I\u2019m uncontrollably sobbing, is this what being a normal woman is? Everyone keeps telling me it\u2019s normal to feel like this and to get crazy mood swings, but I hardly think it\u2019s normal to get so desperately unhappy out the blue to want to take your own life? I\u2019m kind of at a loss where to turn now, or even if my friends are really friends. I lash out at the people I like the most and isolate myself for weeks and I think I\u2019m a horrible person. I get the worst social anxiety talking to new people to the point I don\u2019t see how I can make new friends. \n\nI just feel so desperately lonely and I\u2019ve turned away from the people I love the most, but I don\u2019t know how to fix myself? ", "answer": "I understand how you feel, the same happens to me a lot. We just have to remember that our feelings are real but may not reflect reality. Medication and therapy might help stabilize these things, but self care may also be very helpful to make you feel good. Mindfulness meditation is also helpful, but takes a little practice. I hope this helps. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9q6k9l", "comment_id": "e8712au"}, {"question": "CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER PHONE CALL", "description": "My 10 year old son has ALWAYS been busy...even in the womb! Flash forward to 4th grade! I feel like I'm at a breaking point. I'm a divorced single mother of 2 and this is very stressful. The phone calls that I get AT WORK...notes home..low test scores...inability or down right refusal to cooperate with homework...phone calls and pleading with dad for assistance are unproductive and I have no idea what to do!! I'm depressed and quite frankly I believe he is as well. Adderall XR 5mg produced voices. Teachers have other students to focus and my patience has been run ragged. WHERE DO I GO...WHAT DO I DO??", "answer": "Oh dear. Could you homeschool and work or would you get a tutor? I know how hard it is emotionally for the kids...not to mention the parents ! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9ahzgx", "comment_id": "e4vnuig"}, {"question": "[29/M] Please help me with this sensitive subject. (25/F)", "description": "My girlfriend, I love her to bits. We live together, and have been together for a couple years now. We are terrific in so many ways yet there is one consistent thing that divides us - Her eating habits and lack of physical activity. I've tried to express my concerns, but the few times we've really gotten into it, its resulted in a massive breakdown. I understand that this is a very controversial topic, and I'm not insensitive towards her feelings. I never ask her to 'watch her figure' what to eat or not, or to 'lose weight', I couldn't care less about the number on the scale. I just want her to be capable, have the energy an average person of her age should, and to like what she sees in the mirror, I know some days she doesn't. I cook very often, (breakfast, lunches and dinners) and always try and make sure good options for food are available, yet she eats as much as me - a fellow trying to keep weight on. She is the smallest of the women in her family, and if she is heading down that sort of path, I don't know if I can follow. I couldn't be coming from a better place here, I just want her to be well. I'm worried she is mildly addicted to sugar, or just doesn't believe she can do anything about it so isn't trying. \n\nI'd really appreciate some different viewpoints on the subject, even if you're just telling me I'm insensitive for feeling this way. \n\nEdit: How do I approach talking more about this without it feeling like an attack, or that she isn't good enough for me? The last thing I want is for her to hate her body even more. Anything I suggest -whether it be eating habits or physical activity- I always say I will do it with her, one hundred percent. ", "answer": "that's a very thoughtful, sensitive post. bottom line: you've expressed your sincere genuine concern for her health. the ball's in her court. nothing else you can do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6d5y7v", "comment_id": "di06617"}, {"question": "What's it like visiting a counselor?", "description": "I hope this isn't the wrong place to post this but basically I've been having anxiety and what I think is depression for a few years now and it's just gotten really worse recently to the point where I really think I may need help from a counselor. There's a free counselling service in our college but I'm absolutely terrified to go. Is it awkward or anything?", "answer": "Your first session is super laid back. The counselor can't help you out if they don't know you very well. So the first session you're just chillin'. You both just hang out and get to know each other. It's important that you're a good fit for your therapist. Once you've built up a relationship, then the therapist might ask about what brought you in.\n\nI personally love intakes. You just get to hang out and chill. I even sometimes play board games or card games with clients.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "498xyx", "comment_id": "d0q823t"}, {"question": "Why am I still here?", "description": "A person dm me and asked me why am I still on this sub. He said you\u2019ve been clean for over 2 years, you shouldn\u2019t need as much support as other who are just starting this journey. My response was this.\n\nI know how hard it is to to end this habit. I know how difficult it is when you\u2019re beginning to go through of remaining clean. I know how stressful it is dealing with withdrawals. Why not lend help to others? This sub has been supportive to me during my early journey. Why not give back? Also just because I may up the road a bit doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t use the support. I smoked for 25 freaking years. Two years clean is a great accomplishment but I\u2019m still healing I\u2019m still in recovery. Although my paws wave symptoms are spreading further and further apart by the months, I still experience them . 25 years a dam long time. Weed was my wife, my girlfriend my everything. So I understand the \nstruggle.\nSo I say guys continue to get all the support from this sub as you can. Support is needed more now than ever. Everyone here knows the struggle and can provide the strength to keep you moving ahead. Good luck to you all.", "answer": "Maintenance is just as important", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "i5wsaa", "comment_id": "g0sa0kk"}, {"question": "Need some advice in seeking help.", "description": "Hello there, I know this kind of thing gets posted all the time, but I'm a little bit lost.\n\nI've struggled a lot of my life with mental health issues. Recently it's gotten rather worse, and I'm ready to seek help in the form of therapy or anything else really.\n\nI unfortunately don't have insurance, and my wife and I's income is definitely not above the poverty line. To add to that, we live in a very conservative state not known for caring much about it's citizens let alone their happiness.\n\nI'm unsure where to go, I've done numerous google searches for low to no cost options. It's not like I'm completely devoid of money, we probably have only 100 or so spare dollars every month for incidentals. I would pay for help if I had the resources.\n\nAt this point I just really don't know what to do. My mental state is definitely effecting my life and my relationships with my wife and other family and friends. \n\nI've tried meditating and being aware of what thoughts arise in my brain before I let them snowball, and I have gotten better at realizing when I need to remove myself from a situation and go to the gym to help my mental state. Unfortunately thoughts still get past me without my noticing and my thought pattern turns dark.\n\nI'm not suicidal and I don't want to die. Quite often recently though, I have said that if I had the option to return to a blank slate and start over, it would be what I wanted to do.\n\nI guess I can add a little about what I'm struggling with to at least make this interesting for those helpful souls out there.\n\nI have struggled with anger issues my entire life, from those stem jealousy issues. I am extremely critical of myself and very abusive to myself (mostly mental, but sometimes physical). I find that I obsess over thoughts, without realizing it. I bring things up time and time again if I don't feel like they've been resolved. I often lash out in times of frustration at those around me that I care for. I understand that a healthy life style is important to mental health so I try to eat the best I can and go to the gym once a day for 30 minutes or so to try to help my mind. I know this probably isn't enough but I try. Often my mood will darken really easily and I find that if I don't realize it things will just compound and build until I explode with emotion. Even if I do realize I'm feeling down there often isn't things I can do to stop it from happening. \n\nIt's really straining my relationship with my wife. Often times the smallest things will become a huge argument for no reason at all. Both of us feeling like the other is being unfair. She has told me recently that she's just done caring about things because I bring them up so often.\n\nOf course I don't want to be this way, I don't like being angry for no reason. or getting overly frustrated easily and lashing out at people around me. I don't like having little fights with my wife over stupid stuff. or hurting myself over small situations that I find stressful. \n\nI'm sorry if this is all over the place and rambly I'll put a TLDR in at the end.\n\nTLDR: I need lots of help, can't afford it, even cheap options like a web based with an assistance plan un affordable.", "answer": "If the income for both you and your wife does not place you above the poverty line, you should be eligible for Medicaid. Part of Medicaid covers mental health services where individuals can receive therapy and psychiatry if needed with absolutely no copay. Some folks who make too much money to get Medicaid for medical reasons can still get it specifically for mental health.\n\n\nFind out where you need to go to apply, then once you get your card, you can call the number and find local community mental health centers that take the insurance and go from there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8uvfvo", "comment_id": "e1ihsee"}, {"question": "Bursts of emotions", "description": "Ever since I've had a lot of my symptoms under control and am no longer suppressing my emotions, I've started to feel its more out of my control, especially my anger.\n\nI was very mild tempered before but now my anger is firey and I'm starting to hold grudges, whereas before I never did.\n\nAnyone have methods of keeping ones emotions I'm check?", "answer": "To manage emotions, it is important to first acknowledge it in that moment and explore how the feeling occurred, especially with anger. Emotional reactions come from 10% with what is actually happening and 90% from past experiences. Something to try is asking yourself some questions during the inital moment of anger...simply fill in these sentences with your experience. \n**The anger started when.....(situation)** \n**How my body feels with this anger is....(body sensations)** \n**Another time before when I felt this sensation was...(similar feeling and event)** \n\nThis is not a quick fix but gives a constructive format that you can use in meditation. I also experience anger in situations and found that I hold grudges and have outbursts because I was letting it \"stay-in\" for so long while also expecting others to understand me. What was a mild annoyance eventually turned into a huge resentment. In fact just had one this past week! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "71cw2y", "comment_id": "dna1oil"}, {"question": "Is eating wholegrains unhealthy?", "description": "I'm in my late 20s, born in Australia, have Slovenian and English background. \n\nKnown issues: hypertension, mental illness, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, chronic fatigue, asthma, elevated CRP in blood tests (labs say <5 Is normal, mine over the past year has been 12-18).\n\nI am morbidly obese (1.8 metres tall, 154kg) and am trying to lose weight. Ultimately I want to be healthier and take better care of myself. \n\nI read some literature from Dr. Michael Moseley recently which suggests eating whole grains isn't a good idea, but the current Australian Dietary Guidelines suggests they're a key part of a healthy diet. I did research online and became more confused as it seems to be a point of contention amongst health professionals.\n\nI have three questions: \n\n1. How much exercise would you usually recommend to a beginner who has been medically cleared to perform exercise? \n2. Do you recommend whole grain foods to a person who is morbidly obese?\n3. Do you know what can cause persistent mildly elevated CRP?", "answer": "1. Exercise as tolerated. Start with brisk walking and build up.\n\n2. I would take professional organizations\u2019 guidelines over a specific person. Whole grains are recommended over non-whole, but the most important thing is reducing overall calories in.\n\n3. Nonspecifically, inflammation. That includes metabolic syndrome from obesity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "apfnqv", "comment_id": "eg81mwj"}, {"question": "Getting Over a Cheating Ex/Contacting His Friends on Facebook", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am at my wits end about a guy I was casually dating for a few months. We had met on Craigslist and when we first met he said he wanted a friends with benefits situation. This became much more flaky and inconsistent, meeting at random hours of the evening and sometimes weeks apart. I am going through a really difficult time because I then found out he has a girlfriend and he keeps on postings ads on Craigslist and he's also not talking to me. \n\nI am very close to want to create a fake Facebook account to tell his friends about all this bullshit but I feel like it might be taking it a step too far. I am also trying really hard to move on and not let the fact that he's an asshole bring me down. help .... \n\n2 Sep 2017", "answer": "You two were fwb...so from your point of you, he didn't wrong you. If he's a fuck-up in his personal life, you don't need to get involved. Just move on with more important things in life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xkjcc", "comment_id": "dmgnc6n"}, {"question": "Why did I pass out after peeing?", "description": "This happened a few years ago when I was probably 15 or 16, 5'8, and around 155 lbs, no medical conditions, no medications. I am female. So I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (which was kind of painful in my bladder for some reason), when I was done I started to feel very, very nauseous and I felt like I was losing my hearing (sound was muffled and I think my ears were ringing, but not sure about that part). I walked to my parents' room to tell them and started walking back to my room, but I lost consciousness three or four times (according to my dad) and ended up on the floor. This has only happened this one time, but I just don't know why.\nSorry, I have just always wanted to know why this happened! If anyone has an idea that would be appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "There's a term for this: micturation syncope. (That's fancy medical words for urination fainting.) We don't really know why it happens, but you're not alone in having this odd experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bwh1q", "comment_id": "dxaam8t"}, {"question": "Professional Complaint? Maybe A Lawsuit?", "description": "Im 60, on a disability for bipolar (manic + depress) for 17 yrs. Took me 8 yrs to get meds right. I still cant work (i volunteer), divorced 5 yrs ago. Stay hypomanic ... else slip to depressed..\n\n3 yrs ago, met woman onlin. For 3 years my only, she had my heart, kept me manic, drained my pension & savings over $50k. When i poked, then pushed for a \"repayment plan\" *poof* in one text, \"diff directions\". No face, no.voice. A. Week later, all corresp 'thru my lawyer\".\n\nMORE#1: she is an LCSW & MSW. No schmo.\n\nMore#2: Shes a big shot, published books, speaks at natl conf's, first name basis with famous experts. She mentors jr counselors getting certificates. Consultant w/travel.\n\nMORE#3. I showed her my manic danger (few years back i gave $30k to dancer, little here little there). This july I had \"depr event\", at xmas I warned gf I was in bleak period.\n\nI setup joint counseling (to break us up \"gently\") but after one session, she ghosted me, dumped by text, lawyered up. \n\nHad it been down cycle, I should have been suicidal. Instead, up cycle, I've been on 8 week manic anxiety. For 2 years i warned her not to do this. She treats bipolars all week, lets me advise her on some.tools & tricks. She KNOWS all of this, but did it to me anyway\n\nCan i file a professional complaint. An Lcsw?\nCan i inform Emploers/ conferences)\nCan i persue my $40k? Add Pain & suffering?\n\nShe targeted me, fleeced me, dumped me.\n\nIf nothing else I feel an obligation to warn others she is a \"black widow\" girlfriend , dont date her.", "answer": "Anything you could do would have to be personal. Nothing you described related to her legal or professional obligations. You would have to say what code she violated. This was a personal relationship. Typically , the board looks at complaints from patients and other professionals. \n\nYou used other professions as examples, but those examples involved legal violations. \n\nYou would have to talk to an attorney about whether the financial issue constitutes elder abuse , but you said it was because you were manic, not elderly.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fkma45", "comment_id": "fldk76m"}, {"question": "Probably gonna dump somebody for the first time, advice appreciated!", "description": "Well, I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks. As it sometimes goes, you get to know the person better and you realize they're not really who you thought they were and the chemistry that you thought was there just isn't anymore. Long story short, girl is depressed in general and super clingy, but I don't feel like I'm getting much out of that relationship tbh. \n\nI'm still a bit on the fence, but yeah... How do I go about doing this? Usually, I was too slow to catch on that it wasn't working so I got dumped, this time around it's me and I don't know how to do it. I feel insecure about whether it's the right move, but also exhausted and empty, kinda. I think she uses me as a way to escape her depression and she's anxious about losing me. I feel like she's kinda self-centered and I just lack that \"wow\" feeling about her. \n\nI don't really feel comfortable just letting it \"fade out\", because I think it's a dick move and it would just prolong the pain. So I'm facing doing something \"abrupt\" to somebody who's unstable, yet I'm not 100% sure about it either. On the other hand, if this was the right person, I most likely wouldn't be having these thoughts in first place, right?\n\nAnyway, any advice is appreciated. Thanks!\n\nEDIT: I decided to tell her how I feel currently for starters, because she was sending me messages and I didn't feel like talking now. She told me I can take my time to rest, but then sent me 3 messages to my phone. First one saying she misses me, then one asking whether the first one was OK, then one saying she hopes I will feel better. I'm just fucking tired.\n\nAlso, thanks for all the answers so far!", "answer": "be polite and direct. \"i'm sorry, you're a great person, but this isn't working out for me\"....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61fc6n", "comment_id": "dfe2f74"}, {"question": "Fluoxetine side effects", "description": "I was prescribed fluoxetine for ADHD. I eased into it up to 20mg per day. It has no effect on me that I could distinguish, so I have been easing off of it. I am now at 10mg once a week, but I just can't stop it due to 2 particularly strange side effects that come in after being off it for a week. \n\n1. Hot finger, this is really strange, but the top of my left index fingers all of a sudden feels like it in the hot sun. It doesn't hurt, and only lasts a few seconds.\n\n2. Fever zaps, I get these zaps to my brain and body that feel like a bad fever. It lasts 1 to 2 seconds, then it's gone. The frequency of these increase the longer I am off meds until it happens multiple times per hour and I give up and take another pill. The symptoms go away within a few hours. \n\nMy prescribing Dr is psychologist so his comment about these are that they are strange. I would like to know more or if anyone else has experienced these?", "answer": "OK - why the heck would you be prescribed fluoxetine (an antidepressant) for ADHD?\n\nOtherwise the hot finger is unrelated. Ive never had a patient complain of \"fever zaps\" either.\n\nAlso - fluoxetine has a long half-life, so there shouldn't be an issue with withdrawal symptoms (especially at the low dose of 20mg), especially if you are a 30something male. You should quite easily stop from 20mg without the need for a 10mg prescription.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qqelt", "comment_id": "dkzb57h"}, {"question": "I wish I had the power to stop drinking.", "description": "I've tried a few times, once staying sober for three months. Last night I made a fool of myself in front of my boyfriend's friends at a birthday gathering and I'm sitting here crying because he tried to help me but all I could see last night was him trying to bully me. I can't deal with the crushing drunk guilt any more. Does anyone have any tips whatsoever on how to stay sober?", "answer": "I switched to pot. I am much more in control", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2jgfm0", "comment_id": "clbqhcg"}, {"question": "I'm [30/m] in an aggravating situation with my girlfriend [29/f] of almost 3 years. Am I doing this right?", "description": "Hello! I've been dating my girlfriend now for almost 3 years. After only a few months of dating, she slithered herself into my apartment and moved in. I didn't care too much as I figured it would help me financially and we got along quite well. She has student loans, a lot of them. I believe it will take 15-20 years at her current rate to pay them off. She has no plan to use her education whatsoever as she doesn't want to pursue that career anymore. She works a couple jobs, one is full time, the other is part time. She barely makes enough to pay her own bills. \n\nThe problem is that she pays for nothing in our life together. No rent, bills, entertainment or food. Once in a great while she will hand me some cash for groceries, maybe 3 times a year. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she took over duties in the home like cleaning and cooking. But no, I do everything. If I don't, it will never get done. She complains about cleaning and prefers me cooking or ordering food. \n\nShe's really pushing for marriage. For over a year, she always mentions it or creates an argument about it. To her it's only about love, that if you really love someone, you marry no matter what. I do agree with that, but if I will be supporting us for the next 2 decades, I do not feel comfortable doing so. She has sort of looked for a better job, but doesn't have much ambition to do so. She always says she feels bad that I spend money for both of us every time we go out, but complains that we never do anything. I can't stand always buying for two. Younger me fell into credit debt and I'm paying it off now but it's difficult having to do this all by myself with her living for free. It wasn't until recently that she borrowed money from me to pay her student loans that I don't think I'll ever get back.\n\nI hate making the relationship seem like it's about money, but I don't want to work my life away to support someone else that has no input. We've talked about this multiple times. Ive always expressed my concerns in a reasonable manner and given her time to try before bringing it up again. \n\nAm I wrong for feeling this way?", "answer": "You have a right to a mature SO", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6s5ps5", "comment_id": "dla72ld"}, {"question": "The big problem with BPD is 90% of your emotions are bullshit fantasy land stuff.", "description": "- legacy emotions from the distant past (comes up perhaps subconsciously)\n- living in imagination land (so so so often)\n- living in a fantasy script / life that only exist in your mind\n- living in the past\n- replaying the past\n- fighting with people in your head (i do this 27hrs a day 300 weeks a year)", "answer": "Yes sir! Now that you got that, you can start not trusting your emotions. And then you have a framework that works 90% of the time. Now you are no longer unstable or reactive. Hooray loopholes!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bomife", "comment_id": "enjm37v"}, {"question": "Irritablility and short temper.", "description": "Its day one and I'm already having the problem of a short fuse. I never explode but I'm constantly at my peak of stress. Any tips to help deal with stress?", "answer": "I feel you. Today is my day one and I feel SO angry. Sad and anxious as well, but I\u2019m legitimately surprised at how angry I am", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "emvwkw", "comment_id": "fdrs7i5"}, {"question": "Does anyone else with bipolar go through periods qhere they are constantly and easily aroused?", "description": "This is a completely serious question about something that's been taking a toll on me lately. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, but I'm not sure if this is related. I am a male. I'm 20, and for some reason my sex drive changes drastically with my moods. Sometimes im so turned on I can barely walk around because I feel so aroused and need sex, whereas sometimes I dont want it all. When I am constantly aroused, it's extremely distressing and uncomfortable for me. Something as simple as a car drive could turn me on. I dont get it, and im not sure if its related to bipolar or not. Has anyone had similar experiences? ", "answer": "This is a normal symptom associated with the manic or hypo (low) manic part of bipolar cycling. Some people experience an expanded need for sex while others find other appetites switched on such as gambling or shopping. ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "4wdo7s", "comment_id": "d66a8og"}, {"question": "How do I get doctors to take me seriously that I feel horrible?", "description": "Doctors say I \"look okay\" and so kind of brush me off\n\nWhat should I do?? Roll around on the floor crying??\n\n\n\nCopy/pasting these two posts as they contain all the required info\n\nI am 31, female 5'5\" 250 lbs african american Propranolol for migraines\n\nmedical problems: mild disc bulging, migranse\n\nhere are symptoms\n\ndizzy, confused, hard to mentally focus, irritable, and blurry vision when I don't eat for awhile. The time when I have to eat has gotten shorter and shorter.\nfatigue\n\nfrequent yeast infections on feet, under boobs, genitals\n\nGums bleeding (but I have always had bad teeth so that might be unrelated?)\n\nRandom but not constant foot and hand numbness, coldness (but that might be from Propranolol?)\n\nbruises take a long time to heal\n\nWaking in the night all sweaty and heart racing\n\nI have had seizures before while I slept but a cause for them was never found.\n\nheadaches (not migraines)\n\nI am overweight now but had these symtpoms when I was 130 lbs. I have gained 120 lbs in the past about 2 years, since getting on Propranolol and at around the same time stopping exercising because of back pain. I can't eat less, so exercising was the only thing keeping me from weight gain I guess.\nI have always had these things as long as I can remember but now these symptoms are getting worse/closer together/more frewquent... years ago I would go 12 hours without eating and then start to feel that way. Now I pretty much constantly feel horrible and I have to eat something every 30 minutes just so I can stay at a level where I don't feel like I'm going to pass out.\n\nI am worried no one is taking me seriously about just how horrible I feel. Made an apointment and the nurse/receptionist/whever acted like it was no big deal, said it just sounds like hypoglycemia (okay, that can be caused by diabetes, or not, so??) and made my appointment a month from now. And my husband thinks that's fine and just expects me to go about life normally until then. But I am worried that I shouldn't be driving, though I have never actually passed out.\nIsn't it important to get hypoglycemia and/or diabetes treated asap? Or will I be fine waiting a month and just have to deal with feeling this way, eating constantly and probably gaining a bunch more weight until then?\n\n\n____________\n\nI am op but my brain was so muddled when I wrote that, that I didn't save the password.\n\nYes this was with my PCP. I called back and asked what the point was in waiting a month and then spending $100 to get a random blood sugar reading. I can just go to walmart and get a $10 kit and tell them a random blood sugar reading if that is going to tell them anything. So then they said for me to come yesterday at 3pm after fasting for 12 hours and they would do more in depth blood and urine tests. But they would bill it as a well visit to save me money. (I think they misunderstood my point. At this point I don't care about money so much as getting better asap.)\n\nSo okay, I fasted for 12 hours, and I was of course dizzy, confused, flustered etc. as fuck! I figured they would get me in there and do the tests as soon as possible so I could eat something but nope, they didn't know anything about the fasting and just acted like it was a well visit. I couldn't think up all the symptoms (because of being dizzy, confused, flustered etc. as fuck) and I kept repeating to everyone that I had been fasting for 12 hours so can we please just get the tests done.\n\nFinally the doctor came in and asked how I was... I said not good and he said I looked fine (which is something doctors say to me a lot... I look fine - before they even examine me - or \"You look a lot better than you do on paper\" seeing me for the first time after reading my vitals and such - but I don't FEEL fine so why can't they just take me seriously when I say I don't FEEL fine??? Am I supposed to roll around on the floor, scream and cry etc.? Because if that is going to get me taken seriously, I can do that.)\n\nSo I repeated that I had been fasting since 3am so could we please just get the tests done and the doctor said that it wasn't good to fast for that long! That I should have fasted overnight and then come in the morning, and I'm like well, they told me to come at this time??? And 12 hours would have been 12 hours regardless? And in fact it is harder for me to fast at night because then I can't sleep. Whatever can we please just get it done... Then he starts drilling me about why do I think I have diabetes? Well I don't know if I do, I am just here trying to figure out what's wrong. Does it run in my family? I tried to explain that I know my mother needed to monitor her blood sugar but I don't know if she had diabetes or what. She died a year ago and we were not close enough that I could ask her what was wrong with her. But again, confused/flustered as fuck so I just gave up on explaining that.\n\nOkay he does the yearly exam stuff and then handed me two papers, one a summary of the visit and one to hand to the lab (across the building). I handed it to the lab receptionist, waited and then they called someone else's name... he had ordered the tests under the wrong name!\n\nAnd then of course it is my fault because I didn't look at the paper, well my vision is too blurry to read, my hand is too shaky to hold the paper still, but yeah it's my fault that the doctor ordered the tests under the wrong name. Well I had to go back to the doctor's side, and get it under the correct name, wait again, and finally they called me to sign some papers, and I'm like \"I can't read these right now, is it okay that I'm signing something I don't understand?\" \"Well we won't do the tests if you don't sign\" So okay I signed them, waited some more, finally got called in, had to get stabbed 3 times in different places before they could get some blood. Then gave them a urine sample, then finally got to eat something. So I'm sitting there waiting until the shakes subside enough that I can walk outside without falling. I looked at the visit summary and they didn't renew my propranolol. So I had to go back to the doctor's side of the building and get that renewed. Then later I got a call from my pharmacy... the doctor had ordered me 180 pills per refill instead of 60 and my insurance refused it. Also they said they would call me with the results today but now it's 24 hours later and they don't have the results yet.\n\nSo basically it was a clusterfuck and nothing got resolved, and I still feel like shit and am STILL not being taken seriously, but when everyone brushes off how I am feeling it is somehow my fault for not getting it taken care of sooner, so what the fuck am I supposed to do???", "answer": "You mention seizures while you slept - what do you mean by this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jn0e6", "comment_id": "dbior0k"}, {"question": "Hangover", "description": "So I had a bit too much to drink last night. Woke up at 4 am on the verge of throwing up (acid reflux). Pretty sure it was the alcohol bc I could taste it in my mouth. I feel better now but my stomach is still a wee bit sensitive. Idk why I keep thinking I\u2019m gonna throw up. I feel fine. I ate, drank some oj and coffee and my stomach didn\u2019t feel worse after that. Hell, I felt better. ://", "answer": "Hey! How are you doing now? I\u2019m sure your stomach was just a little peeved from the alcohol and will settle down quickly.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "en9h1m", "comment_id": "fdxkra0"}, {"question": "Need ideas to win a contest called Songs That are Hard to Strip to Contest", "description": "I entered a contest through a radio station in my town to win $1,000. The contest is Songs that are Hard to Strip to. I don't get to choose my song but I need some ideas that will help me win, part of the judging comes from the audience so I want to do something that will help set me apart. The contest is on my birthday so the only idea I had was to wear a nude leotard and make it look like I'm wearing my birthday suit. Any other ideas help. The contest doesn't allow for nudity, I can only go down to bathing suit level if I wish. ", "answer": "4'33\" by John Cage. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5bnqe9", "comment_id": "d9qdqsk"}, {"question": "Reputable online listing of current ADHD medications for adults?", "description": "31F, rest of info is not relevant to my question. Asking here in case my post gets removed from the pharmacy subreddit. \n\nI am restarting ADHD meds after several years and I would like to see a publicly accessible list of ADHD medications available in the US. I need to research what's currently covered by my lovely (/s) insurance company before my next appointment with the NP so I know what options I have to choose from because what I'm on now sadly isn't working. \n\nDoes the FDA have this option? I tried googling a bit and WebMD (*shudders*) came up, along with Medscape, but I was asked to sign in with an account. Is Medscape a good resource? Are there other resources you can recommend?\n\nMany thanks, and have a great day! \n\n", "answer": "The problem is not what is approved for ADHD but what is in your particular insurance's formulary\u2014which medications they specifically have decided they will pay for without a doctor picking a fight with them. For that you probably want the insurance website, but even as a doctor I usually find it unhelpful, incomplete, and out of date. Good luck.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zotkh", "comment_id": "e2kcqii"}, {"question": "Heart break or Heart touture?", "description": " 3 years ago i asked the most wonderful girl to be my girlfreind, and for 2 years it was great. Or so i thought. Around March last year (2016) i broke up with her. My reasoning at the time, to her, was \"I think were too young to be thinking of a serious relationship\" (17/m and 16/f).\n\n I was scared, she often spoke about our dream house and our dream this and that and it scared me. I thought of all the girls and fun times ill miss out on, relationships simply pinning me down. I also thought id stopped loving her, this 'feeling' had gone, you know that butterfly feeling.\n\n But i stilled loved her, not that i knew this at that point, i still messaged her and met her and ect ect, nothing really changed except i was \"playing the feild\" and talking to other girls. Trying to find the things i was missing out on. Only by september/october id gotten bored of playing the feild, none of the girls compared to her, i never met any of these girls but i messaged them and flirted but i never really got anywhere nor did i really try to. \n\n So i was happy, we were still messaging and meeting and sharing good times, but i still thought i didnt love her. We both grew as people which was great, i got more of my life together (prolog: I didnt even shower daily, i didnt care about my apperance i didit workout or even eat right, i was smoking alot of weed, skipping school, taking rittalin, doing all nighters on school days, not revising for my AS exams((which i failed and have to resit)) ) i was a fucking loser, she deserved wayyyyyyyyy better than me and im fully awear of the cunt i was. But i changed that, my grades are on track, my diet and fitness are on track, im smoking a significatlly less amout weed, im saving and managing money better and all round ive got my life together (ps i clean now). \n\n January rolls around and i start trying to face my demons, i faced depression since i was 13, but aroung 14 i blocked it out, stopped feeling. Because it was better to feel nothing than feel depressed. But somthing changed and i started to feel my depression again, but i also felt other emotions, i was happy sometimes, i cared about things and although most of the time i was still depressed i was glad i could feel again, because now id rarther deal with it head on than trying to push it to the side.\n\n At the same time i realsied how much of a loser, cunt and lowlife i was, and just how unbelivebly lucky i am to have such and amazing person by my side. \n\n But this is where i need the advice...\n\n I love her. And i know that now, i know i never stopped loving her i was just lost, confused whatever you want to say, i was not making good decison in life at that point. But shes over me, shes ready to move on with her life, she doesnt need me, we stopped intercourse (by her request) and thats what made me realise i was losing her. \n \n\n She speaks of this other guy, hes a wonderful person and brilliant in every way. Hes good to her, and she more comfortable with him as a freind than me, she swear shed never go out with him but she does want intercourse. Which in my eyes is a recipie for a relationship. \n\nI cant stand the thought of her with someone else, even in a non romatic way. I love her so much. But my own stupidity has brought me here. I know its not right that i ask for her back, you cant mess with someone like that. But i cant help how i feel and i love her so much.\n\n So i came to the conclusion that i have 2 options. \n1) I stick with her, meeting her and speaking to her and falling deeper in love with her before eventually getting hurt by her and someone else.\nor 2) i bite the bullet and leave her, never speakinf or seeing her again.\n\nafter plenty of thought i decied option 2 was the only way for me to be less hurt whilst letting her get on with life. But i cant, i physically cant stop messgainf her, i love her and want her in my life. And she wants me in hers but just not in the same way. \n\nIm torn reddit and have no fucking clue what to do... please help.\n\n- Thank you x", "answer": "you have a lot on your plate. would help to see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzmj8", "comment_id": "dcv5a7p"}, {"question": "After 7 years are these valid reasons to go or am I judgmental? I (32/f), bf (31/m)", "description": "Are these valid reasons for concern in a relationship or am I being too much of a judgmental and selfish person who should learn to be more accepting?:\n\nIf my boyfriend (31/m) of 7 years tells me he doesn't like to make concrete plans when I try to talk about the future (he mentioned the possibility of getting married at 10 years, but when I say we couldn't afford a wedding he says he figured his dad would pay, while I don't feel comfortable with that mindset), is okay working less than full time (his choice at the same place since before we began dating) to make just over minimum wage without any aspirations to reach for something better anytime soon, is just now telling me he will make an effort to come around my family more (who live close and I see all the time without him and this is despite trying to tell him how welcome he is and how much it would mean to me for years, but he's always had to see his mom, who is also nearby, because she spends holidays alone by choice too so he says he has to be with just her), when I've gone to therapy for us and asked if he would come one time says no and that he'd rather we just talk, doesn't like my cats, when I'd like to go out to a museum, park, etc... he'd rather if I asked him to take psychedelics together at home....\n\nI've been cool with the psychedelics part before but there's this world too I've tried to tell him we should explore together. I'm also going back to school to become an engineer so I can support myself and prepare for the possibility of having a family one day, but I worry I'm the only one worrying about a plan. \n\nHe's a smart guy who is loyal to his friends, enjoys reading, conversing, meditating, smoking pot, and we spend most of our time together watching movies and shows inside. I've expressed to him that I also thrive going out to see new places and I'd like to share those things with him but I always feel like he takes it that I'm trying to make him do something he doesn't want. \n\nIs it possible to manage a relationship like this and I need to get over myself or are these valid reasons to move on?", "answer": "you are giving up a LOT in this relationship, not to mention 7 years of your precious life which you will never ever get back. if you were my daughter i'd be begging and pleading with you to leave this selfish selfish man.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omo5n", "comment_id": "dckh3sa"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a 29F and I was just diagnosed today with ADHD and my whole life suddenly makes sense!", "description": "I burst into tears on my call with my doctor. Happy tears! You would think with a diagnosis like this I would be upset but it just all finally makes so much sense, all the way back to the earliest I can remember. I feel so validated and I\u2019m so hopeful that with treatment I can find my own version of \u2018normal.\u2019 Whatever that means.\n\nI\u2019m sorry if this post doesn\u2019t belong but I just had to tell somebody. My parents don\u2019t really believe in taking medication for mental health, or really even talking about it at all which is likely one of the reasons it has taken so long for me to be diagnosed. \n\nMy partner is also somewhat skeptical about mental health issues, mostly because he has none lol. He tries to be supportive but I just really wanted to celebrate with people who understand.\n\nI\u2019ve been self medicating for years (started drinking when I was twelve. TWELVE!!! That\u2019s not normal!) \n\nI\u2019ve lost a job because of my ADHD but it disguised itself as anxiety leading me to go even longer without being diagnosed.\n\nI\u2019ve spent my whole life being called a \u2018space cadet\u2019 lazy, disorganized, a slob. I was reading another post on this sub that talked about the weird phenomenon of always feeling younger than your age and like you\u2019re not as equipped and capable, even though I am! \n\n\nI\u2019m NOT stupid! I\u2019m not crazy! I\u2019m not a mess of a person! It\u2019s so so wonderful to be diagnosed. I\u2019m really hoping this will help me also improve my anxiety and depression. \n\nJust knowing what it is is half the battle and I\u2019ve never felt more like I can do this crazy shit called life than I do today. \n\nSorry for the long post I\u2019m just so happy. \ud83d\ude00 \n\nIf anyone has any favourite suggestions of good resources I can use to learn more about my diagnosis I would really appreciate it!\n\nTl;dr I was diagnosed today with ADHD at 29 years of age and I could not be happier!", "answer": "This was my story a year ago :) congratulations. Go to therapy though. Meds help but so much will happen as a result of your medication that will need some support.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "hblz78", "comment_id": "fvaazbp"}, {"question": "Managed to abstain till 9.30 pm. Withdrawal symptoms.", "description": "Hello everybody on nosurf,\n\nYesterday I managed to abstain till late in the evening.\n\nI suddenly got more drive to do things I procrastinated on for ages. I studied for an hour or two and in addition to that memorized a long page. That's definitely progress for me and my brain.\n\nI also got withdrawal symptoms. I found myself crying all of a sudden. It happened a few times towards the evening. I felt like I was a child again. It was uncomfortable. But I knew I was going to be ok.\n\nI reanabled social media at 9.30 and surfed the internet till 2.20 am. That's almost 5 hours. Not happy about the time I surfed but altleast now I know which time I need to watch out. But I also feel I made some progress and that I might slowly succeed in reducing the 5 hours on that website down significantly.\n\nI can imagine I would be able to go so much farther in my own personal pursuits. This alone makes it worth it to continue with nosurf.", "answer": "Addiction generally develops as an attempt to find relief or escape from some intolerable pain. So it makes sense that your abstinence brought up a lot of discomfort and tears. It's really tough to bear without a numbing agent. But if you can work on healing that underlying pain, you will heal the addiction.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "do9xsd", "comment_id": "f5lgq6b"}, {"question": "Finding a therapist seems impossible now", "description": "I am having the hardest time finding a therapist and I want to give up and just watch youtube videos of therapy and read self help books.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just ended it with my 5th one this year because she made me feel like a dollar sign.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI went to her because she was willing to work with me for $75. She is a Psychologist.I am sure she is well educated. Her market rate is $180. She asked ME what price worked for me and it was set. Or so I thought. Now today during our session all she was focused on was a 'scholarship agreement\" where she would see me for 30 minute sessions instead of the agreed upon 45 minutes because her reasons are as follows:\n\n&#x200B;\n\nfair practice dictates that she cannot offer me lower price than other clients\n\nif she agrees to $75 then the minutes will need to be lower\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just felt like a dollar sign and I told her that.\n\nI am trying so hard to improve and I have done a lot on my own. I cut out my vices..alcohol and cigs..I practice mindfulness..I do CBT workbooks etc but I cannot find a therapist I trust or who I think has my best interest at heart.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIt is so frustrating and now all I want to do is have a beer. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI understand therapy is expensive but she agreed to do $75 so why is she focusing so much on that now? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy only other option is to ask my parents to pay for my therapy but I don't want to do that because they have a history of using money as power and guilt tripping me for shit and I don't want to risk that again.\n\nExample: they pay for my therapy and then make me feel guilty for not calling often enough or eventually decide they can't pay anymore and I will be stuck and unable to afford therapy and maybe a meltdown ensues. \n\nso I prefer to do it all on my own so I wont have to deal with the rug being pulled out from underneath me in the future.\n\nI also have a disorder that is highly stigmatized so not even mental health professionals want to deal with me and every time I go to a new therapist and have to re-explain myself and my life story it just gets exhausting.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI need advice.\n\nShould I see if my parents will pay it so I can find someone who is decent and money won't be an issue? They said they want to support me any way they can..but again..past experience dictates that they will blackmail me eventually if I don't do what they want me to do.\n\nShould I just try to get better on my own? It feels impossible.\n\nShould I keep shopping around and hope to find someone who will work with me for my price and not waste a whole session discussing it and who will see me for longer than 30 mins? I need more than 30 mins a week. It just doesn't feel like enough.", "answer": "Oh gosh. I don't have time to say everything I want to say right now. But this therapist is behaving poorly in a number of ways. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "acxzo4", "comment_id": "edbrwcf"}, {"question": "Dating a guy 10 years older? F20 M30", "description": "So I'm a 20 year old female, getting to know a 30 year old man romantically. (1) is this age gap acceptable (2) what difficulties/obstacles should I be aware of later down the line when it comes to connecting on an emotional, intellectual, social level? \n**TL;DR;** : what should I be aware of when pursuing a fling/relationship with an older man as a 20yold?", "answer": "the concern is more from your end. namely someone age 20 is likely to be in a different place emotionally over the next several years than a 30 year old. 20 to 30 is the most huge emotional growth spurt of our adulthoods.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39pq", "comment_id": "dmkcdsd"}, {"question": "Do you struggle to wake up?", "description": "Sorry for formatting - I am on my phone.\n\nI find it extremely difficult to wake up. I only manage to get up on time when I have super important things to get up for; not everyday things like work.\n\nI work 9-5, but they are fairly flexible in that if you arrive a bit late (half an hour ish) but work late to do your full 8 hours, then they don't mind.\nAnyway I quite easily laze in bed until about 9 or even later. Just not wanting to get up, go through all the hassle of getting ready for work and making the 15 minute cycle. I often feel \"half dead\" when trying to get up. I don't know how to explain but it's almost physically painful to get out of bed.\nUntil it finally dawns on me quite how late I am going to be and I get up and rush around. More and more I am regularly arriving at work at like 10 o'clock. I get the occasional day where I seem to be able to wake up for some reason and get ready on time - but they are the exceptions.\n\nIt's getting worse and I am worried I am going to get into trouble again. I was put on a time sheet 2 years ago for being regularly late. I managed to get myself on track for a good while. It may sound silly but the main reason for it was to spend time in the mornings at work with a guy I liked (who always gets to work early).\n\nDo you guys sleep late with ADHD? Or (like my doctor said at my assessment) \"if you had ADHD you would struggle to sleep at all, so you wouldn't be able to lay in bed all morning\"\n\nI'm confused. I think ADHD is part of the reason I don't rush to get ready until I freak out at how late I am. I also think that because I don't get to sleep until late that I am more likely to oversleep.\n\nTLDR; Does ADHD make you sleep in late past your alarms?\nDoes ADHD mean you wake up too early because you can't sleep? ", "answer": "Yep, it's totally an ADHD thing. I vastly struggle with sleep issues--it's not uncommon for me to feel more energized at night and physically exhausted in the morning. \n\nIIRC it's called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. In the US it's classified as a Circadian rhythm disorder that's highly correlated with ADHD. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "40eiqz", "comment_id": "cytpuwo"}, {"question": "I have a feeling I know what you'll all say...", "description": "Sorry if this is long. Here's the shortened version... my husband (31M) and I (31F) have been married almost 10 years. He works out of state and I live in another state with our kids. For the last 4 years (on and off), I've caught him talking to girls behind my back, some sexual in nature and some not, but I've never caught him in a physical relationship. The first couple of times I felt like something was going on and went through the phone bill to find that he had been talking to someone a lot. Like all day and sometimes at night. I went through his phone to see it was a girl from work, but all the messages were deleted. Second time, same story, except a girl who worked at a bar located where he was living at the time. No proof besides the phone bill. They'd talk at all hours of the day/night. Call each other at like 7 am, he said they were just friends. I confronted the girl and she also said the same. Then there was a time he was having very inappropriate conversations with a girl I knew. Apparently this went on for months, while he was home and while he wasn't. She felt guilty after about 6 months and sent me some screen shots. Said they just talked about doing things, but never actually met up. The next time I went through his phone and found texts between him and some girl from where he is now. He was driving 2 hours to see her, it was obvious he planned on having sex with her, but of course he says he didn't. Most recently, he started sending inappropriate things to one of my friends and she told me. He basically told her he had talked to multiple girls and sent my friend pictures that the girls had sent him. I do realize that these are only the instances that I KNOW about. I'm sure there are more. But after I confronted him this last time he says he realizes that he has a problem and it's not about me at all. Says that I am a perfect wife, but he just can't seem to stop seeking attention from other women. He says he wants to seek counseling and seems very remorseful, as he has in the past, but I just don't think I can believe that he will change. To me, I don't care if he says it was physical or not, he's cheated multiple times.\n\nWe have 3 kids and I stay home with them. I'm here taking care of the kids, the house, our business, basically everything. He is going out at night and doing who knows what, playing video games, and basically living the life of a bachelor. His only real responsibility there is to go to work, other than that he can do whatever. I also feel like I should add that I've never even considered cheating on him. I thought we had one of those relationships that made other people gag. I loved him so much. More than I ever thought possible. I thought he was perfect. \n\nI'm not sure why I've stayed this long. I think I just keep hoping he will change, even though my heart knows he won't. I don't really want our kids to go through this. Also, the financial situation is stressful for me since I don't have any income. It's hard to just toss away 10 years and the connection/relationship we had. He's been my person for so long, he's who I call when I'm happy or when I'm mad. \n\nCan people change? Or will I just be in this same situation at some point in the future? Could I ever trust him again? \n\nThanks for your advice. I just needed to talk about it but I'm not ready to go to my family/friends yet. \n\ntl;dr- husband cheated multiple times, says he will change, I don't think I can believe him. ", "answer": "odds are small he'd change, but marriage counseling would help you reach a final decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pblh8", "comment_id": "dcpxc9m"}, {"question": "Is it ethical for a therapist to refuse my call during a paid for session?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nI have therapy twice weekly, and the particular session in question was early Monday morning. The sessions have been useful in producing feelings other than frustration at the lack of efficacy I have found in other treatments. The therapist and I have a good relationship. \n\nLate Sunday evening, I was experiencing severe suicidal ideation, but held on until the next morning to discuss it. A reliable indicator that I am doing badly is sleeping through my alarm, which I did. I woke up an hour and a quarter before the session, but as the place we meet is in a location difficult to reach by public transport, I calculated that I would barely have 10 minutes of the session left if I set off then. I texted them to keep them abreast of the situation, and that I would call instead. It was an exceptional situation, but this seemed like the next best thing. \n\nHowever, they replied saying that conducting sessions in the same place was important, and that they would not take a call. To be honest, this made me furious, not only because the fee is expensive, but especially as I was in severe distress, and they refused to discuss anything, or offer any kind of advice. I understand that consistency is very much preferable, but I can't help seeing it as them failing me when I was in dire need, and that I have a legitimate grievance here. \n\nWhat is your take on this?", "answer": "A few things here, but first no, there was nothing unethical of what your therapist did. I know that's not the answer you're looking for but phone therapy is not an obligation or even recommended. I'm sure you're thinking \"that's my normal scheduled session so that time is mine, I know my therapist isn't doing anything\" but that's really not how it works and is also not fair. Talking on the phone is in no way or form an adaquate replacement for a therapy session. \n\nIn regards to the other comment, the likelihood of the fee being more than the session is highly unlikely, and would not be a typical motivator. In fact there are more ethical issues with wanting to discuss your suicidal ideation on the phone, which is probably the primary reason why your therapist avoided discussing this on the phone in the first place. This doesn't even include all the things that are missed over the phone: body language, facial expressions, and overall physical cues that therapists (are supposed to) notice and analyze. \n\nGiven your suicidal ideation with the unknown fact if your state is a mandatory reporting state, I'm going to assume it is. Say you were feeling a significant level of suicidal ideation and had a plan, access and overall high level of intent. Once you admit that to your therapist, the laws protecting confidentiality go out the window and you could be emergency petitioned into a hospital to protect yourself or have an emergency psychiatric evaluation. Now if this occurs in person this is a fairly simple thing to do. Cops are called, you two wait and then you're escorted to the hospital and the hospital takes over from there. But now let's say you're on the phone with your therapist. He/she has no ability to know where you are, and is also now ethically responsible for your well being and safety. If you're halfway across the state, or somewhere inaccessible, that makes it significantly more difficult to handle the situation to a degree that would be considered appropriate by our boards standards.\n\nIf it was a truly exceptional situation and you needed to see your therapist, the best thing to do is to try to schedule a make up session and verbalize the importance. Either later in the day or the next day. If it was so urgent that you needed to talk to your therapist asap, that would also indicate that a crisis line or a 911 call would also be sufficient. I'm unsure if your therapist indicated these other options to you, but it's good for you to know your other available options.\n\nIf you do continue therapy with this therapist I would bring up this issue in the next session. If you don't trust your therapist fully, that damages the therapy process as you won't feel the necessary transparency and desire for honesty to help your overall presenting concerns.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb11wa", "comment_id": "ekfzksd"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "Anxiety NOS is the diagnosis used when people have PTSD sxs but no history of PTSD qualifying trauma", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "cigz909"}, {"question": "Should I tell my coworker/friend he is being laid off in 4 months?", "description": "Using a throwaway to protect myself. If this is leaked, I am 100% fired. Some background:\n\nI've been working at my current position for over a year. I have access to lists of people who are being removed. I found out today that there will be layoffs happening in 4 months, and 1 of the people selected is a friend of mine. He has his current position thanks to me, and has been working in that role for nearly 4 years. The typical policy for my work is to inform a month prior. \n\nMy question is should I risk my career in informing this person? I feel like giving him a heads up about the situation, and giving him time to seek other employment is the correct thing to do. \n\nIf I do tell him, how should I approach the subject?", "answer": "If you want to fully protect yourself but also feel a moral obligation to let him know, is there a way you could notify him or leak the info to him anonymously without it getting back to you? If it were me, I would find a way to tell him one way or another. If you can trust him to have your back like you have his, I'd just tell him directly.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hf8dbj", "comment_id": "fvwgblr"}, {"question": "(23/m) my girlfriend (20/f) moral dilemma regarding appropriate life choices", "description": "im 23 yrs old and live in southern california. my gf is 20 and she lives here too but is currently studying abroad in central america. she goes to college too but also not in the city we both live so shes usually gone for 4 months at a time twice a year. ive started going to college myself and since have gotten 10 times busier with work and school combined. shes a full time student as well and is going to start her last year after returning from her trip. usually she would stay for the summer then return to school in the fall leaving us about 4 months to spend together before she left again and everytime she has to leave it gets that much harder. she told me recently that she got a job offer from one of her old professors and if she takes the job she would come back for only one month before starting school again and this new job is going to be in the same city she goes to school in. which means if she accepted we will only have seen each other for a little less than 2 months out of the whole year of 2017. we both love each other very much and we've been faithful to each other from the best of my knowlege. lately ive been considering the huge possibility that i impose a detriment on her life if she ever had to pick between me and her future.this new job shes been trying to get for some time and it would definitely sky rocket her real world experience and serve as an extremely important qualification for future jobs in her field. she tells me that being out of her hometown for so long has motivated her to keep the ball rolling and keep jumping into new experiences and basically wants to live life to its fullest rather than take it slow, semester by semester. she talks about not wanting to live in our hometown anymore and wants to get the most out of her life while she still can. i feel like the distance is hitting me harder. sometimes i feel like i should break it off so she wont have to consider coming back as much. ive told her countless times that she has every right to put her career and her future ahead of everything. she's agreed and says thats what she plans on doing. i have no doubt that she loves me as much as i love her but lately im feeling like if i werent in her life then she'd have an easier time pursuing everything she wants to. in the future ill be in the same situation where my job or school might take me to new places and we'd have to split up yet again. my question is should i keep waiting, continue to support her decisions and keep letting her go hoping she'll come back. or should i break it off and try to make the emotional strain easier on us both. i want to do everything i can to hold on to what we have and id put her happiness before mine any day. i know im miserable not being able to come home to her everyday, and im sure shes dealing with it in her way as well. i dont wanna be a burden to her progress but then again i don't wanna break up with her and have that tear her up emotionally and risk us not being able to be friends either. her future has always been brighter than mine and and i need to do everything i can to help her. i do however, have my life to consider. what should i do? wait or make the hardest decision ive had to make in my life and leave her? ", "answer": "we all have to make the choices we need to make. you make yours and she'll make hers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zp7pe", "comment_id": "df0a4qy"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do", "description": "I have been single for a while now and I want to start a serious relationship and so far the search has gone well..,I have sorted through the Fuck boys and the genuine guys...I have been getting to know three different guys and I have gotten feelings for all three of them...I don't know what u should do...they all want to take me on a date and all are sweet and funny...one of them just seems like he might be trying to be sweet to get to me so he can have sex with me but if I deny him any kind of attention he goes and cozys up to some other girl.... I don't know what he is doing and I don't know about the other two ", "answer": "just keep dating, and one of them will rise to the top", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mteye", "comment_id": "dc6718b"}, {"question": "My boyfriend left me alone after my friend died to \"teach me a lesson\"", "description": "A couple days ago, a dear friend of mine died. Yesterday I was completely devasted, of course I told my (27F) boyfriend (25M) of one year and asked him if he wanted to come over because I needed some company and a shoulder to cry on.\n\nHe told me he wanted to hang out with his friend instead. Then proceeded to turn his phone off for 3-4 hours. \nWhen in the evening I confronted him about it, he said \"of course I knew you needed me, but you did not *told me clearly*. I hung out with my friends to teach you a lesson, next time you'll say you need me straight away\". He also added \"of course I'm not in pain for your friend, I did not know him, so why should I not hang out with my friends for grieving a person I did not even know\".\n\nI'm speechless and completely devasted about all this. Now he pretends to act like none of that happened and, even though he said he was sorry (I cried on the phone) he does not seem to understand what he did wrong. \nHe offered to come over but right now I do not want to see him or even talk to him. I do not know what to do. His lack of empathy shatters me. \n\nI don't think I want a person like that with me.\n\n**tl;dr:** after my friend died, my bf left me alone to \"teach me a lesson\". I'm devastated and seriously considering to break up.", "answer": "Do it. Leave. His behavior/taunting is inappropriate and unacceptable and inhumane. Save yourself and leave him now. You are worth more than being treated like that. He has shown you very blatantly who he really is\n\n\nI\u2019m sorry for your loss.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "eq7mmn", "comment_id": "feopuvz"}, {"question": "How does one simply get professional mental help", "description": "Hello. I'm a normal guy with a pretty good life. I didn't start realizing I had barriers caused by situations I had been put in and didn't know any better on how to react towards. It got so bad that I started masking it with the sense of cockyness inward my own mind telling myself I didn't need to deal with any bullshit. I ghosted a close friend who had her own issues because of this mentality. I started splurging in ways that didn't leave me feeling whole at all. I started building a persona I could get high from almost, whenever I wanted. It just hit me so hard this evening, how much I've been creating a prison for my own mind. Tonight I've finally decided enough is enough. I want to see a therapist.\n\nWhere do I even begin seriously looking, and how do I figure out where a good place is to go for psychotherapy in the form of just talking for now? Is there a way to find out or are there things to know that would help me decide if a licensed professional would be the best choice from my available options?\n\nI could just use some guidance and don't know how to approach anyone over this anymore", "answer": "Couple of options:\n\nAsk your primary doctor for recommendations.\n\n[Psychologytoday.com](https://Psychologytoday.com) has a listing of professionals in your area\n\n[Therapyden.com](https://Therapyden.com) is search engine type of site that can help you narrow down specifics if youd like a second search.\n\nRemember to find one that accepts your insurance, if you have any. If cost is a big issue look for therapists that offer \"sliding-scale\" pricing.\n\nSide note: \"Therapist\" can refer to a number of different professionals. For talk therapy you typically want a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) or Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) - the titles can vary based on state, just make sure they have a professional license of some sort - or a clinical psychologist. These folks will have Master's degrees or above and are trained in offering various types of therapy. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor and can prescribe medicine - they can offer therapy too but typically you don't need to go to one unless you've been referred to one by a doctor or therapist.\n\nGood on you for taking this step! Wherever your mental health is at, therapy can always help. It's like a personal coach for your brain.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "erod8g", "comment_id": "ff54h91"}, {"question": "How admit to family about therapy?", "description": "Hello! I'd like some advice or support. Some background info: I'm 24 with a lot of anxiety and I seek validation in others. I'm a people pleaser who hates conflict. I don't have much confidence. My parents (in their mid 60s) are pretty much helicopter parents who want to talk each day. I personally think they shun mental health. To my knowledge, both were offered antidepressants from their doctors and refused them. \n\nI really want to and need to see a psychologist or therapist or whatever. My driving anxiety/phobia is terrible. I get sick I'm so nervous. I don't like leaving the apartment without my husband or an \"adult\" aka friends or family. I can't just take our baby for a walk, etc. And I have social anxiety. I have nightmares about people yelling at me. Nightmares about getting fired. I'm scared if dealing with people older than me (due to trusted people being horrible to me). I can't ask people for references because I'm scared they will say no or reprimand me. \n\nTwo things are stopping me...money...and fear of telling my parents. I don't think they would at all be understanding about why I need therapy. I once told my mom that I have nightmares about my dad yelling at me. She thought that was funny. I think I will end up on pills and can't keep that from them because we vacation together a lot. Luck would have it that they would call during my appointments and ask why I didn't answer. I hate lying, and I suck at it. If they didn't have any hand in it, maybe I could tell them. But I think that they are partly the reason I am the way I am...though I do believe they tried their best. Half year ago or so my dad read something I wrote on Facebook on a random video. I said I couldn't stand the way I was raised. They were so hurt and angry and had no I idea I felt that way....that they didn't allow me to be myself, etc(I also think it really made them question themselves. My brother also ended up being an alcoholic addicted to pain pills that ended up in prison/rehab). I feel that if I admit I go to therapy, it would open that can of worms again. \n\nIf I would start therapy and/or pills, what would I tell them? Knowing my mom, she wouldn't accept a general answer. \n\nAny comments or advice or support would be appreciated. ", "answer": "First off. If you're an adult, you don't have to tell them or anyone that you're going to therapy or getting meds if you don't want to. On top of that, unless you give written permission, a doctor or therapist wouldn't be able to say they even knew who you are if they called. It sounds like a huge part of why you would be going to therapy in the first place is your relationship with them. I'd recommend starting therapy out, testing the waters for a few weeks then revisiting the issue of telling them, this time with your therapist. \n\nA question I'd ask you is \"What does your mother not accepting a general answer mean?\" Is she going stab you with a sharp object? Is she going to stop talking to you forever? Be careful not to catastrophize something that hasn't happened. \n\nTherapy can be expensive if you don't have insurance or if you have a high deductible, but there are ways to still get your butt in the chair for a reasonable cost, just a tad bit harder to find. \n\nIf you're in the U.S. I can forward you a general guide of how to find a therapist and some of the good basic information on how to get started. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6stppb", "comment_id": "dlfhzvc"}, {"question": "Am I being unreasonable?", "description": "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is a bit older. We live about half an hour away from each other by car. I get to see him every weekend but I miss him so much in the week. We also skype maybe once a week. Is it too much to ask for us to have a quick phone call every other night? He's fine playing Xbox with his friends every night but can't even pick up the phone and talk to me for a bit. Am I just being unreasonable?", "answer": "it's not about reasonable or unreasonable. it's about what you need in a relationship. you have a right to what you need.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63vwir", "comment_id": "dfxeil5"}, {"question": "My 73yo grandpa is having a really tough time - currently hospitalized", "description": "As a preamble, right now I'm quite far from the city where my grandfather is hospitalized, so I haven't had the chance to talk to his doctors. I'm getting the information through my grandma and an aunt, but I sense that there are some missing pieces and they simply cannot grasp what the doctors have been telling them in the last hours. \n\nMy grandpa underwent a triple bypass surgery on Sep. 7. The surgery itself was quite risky due to other health complications (diabetes, lung issues). According to the surgeon, it was a successful 7-hour procedure. He was discharged on Sep. 16 to resume his recovery at home. \n\nBut 24 hours ago he had a sudden bout of fever. This happened after a couple of days of constipation, difficulty to urinate, abdominal bloating and loss of appetite. He was rushed to the hospital, they have done some tests already but there is no official diagnosis yet.\n\nAccording to my aunt, they suspect a post-surgery UTI. Which is a scary thing, given his fragile health condition and strenuous recovery process. But there is this one thing that makes the scenario even worse: he didn't recognize my grandma today. He thought she was a nurse/his mother, which indicates some sort of delirium/confusion. I went to Dr Google and I find stuff like urosepsis and pyelonephritis, whose prognosis appears to be far from good considering his condition.\n\nCan someone please give me some idea of what to expect? I don't want a diagnosis, of course, just some knowledgeable insight, considering that I can only travel to the hospital and to talk to the doctors Saturday. Thank you.", "answer": "There's no way any of us can give much insight without having a diagnosis.\n\nIf this is a UTI, though, it's certainly not good for a 73 year old with chronic health problems to get an infection after a major surgery. But I wouldn't panic about delirium either. There is an inexplicable link between bladder and brain, and UTIs are classic causes of delirium, which can look like a total loss of touch with reality. When the infection clears, so does the delirium, usually. The sicker he is, the more likely he is to be delirious, but it doesn't have to be urosepsis. After the hit to his overall reserves from surgery, it could be a relatively minor and routine UTI that makes him seem totally impaired, and a standard course of antibiotics can fix it.\n\nThat's the best case scenario, but it's one I've seen often enough that I think it's reasonable to hold onto hope, without any more information, that he got an infection from the Foley catheter during the surgery/hospitalization and that he'll recover. It might take a lot out of him\u2014triple bypass surgery does that, let alone infections on top of it!\u2014but he could also have a full recovery. Time and more examination and tests will tell.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9hc273", "comment_id": "e6asjmv"}, {"question": "Depression, but I know the cause?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started seeing a therapist. While the sessions have been OK, I think I may need more help. I\u2019m crying myself to sleep every weeknight. I\u2019ve lost the motivation to do one of the few things I love (cooking), choosing instead to just lie in bed (often crying some more). I\u2019ve felt empty and drained for so long. \n\nI guess my question is, is it reasonable to give medication a try if I know the primary driver of my sadness? While I do have some family/relationship/personality issues that I am trying to work on, it is my job that is causing the bulk of my pain. It is 8+ hours of dread, fear, and frustration, and it is near impossible for me to not let it poison the remainder of each day. I am trying to get into a better situation, but even that is made more difficult when I feel so beaten down and hopeless every evening. \n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "This is really a question to ask a psychiatrist and not a therapist. As a therapist though I'd say it's definitely worth talking to a psychiatrist though and seeing what they think. Ideally in therapy you should be working towards either finding a way out of that job or finding some way to cope so that it's not so stressful, but in the meantime, I imagine you'd like to stay stable enough to hold down the job until something better comes along for survival sake? If so, if medication is what helps you maintain so you don't have a breakdown, I don't see anything wrong with that. \n\n\nIt's always much easier to get a job while you have one than to get one when you're unemployed, especially if you end up unemployed for a while.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebxf6r", "comment_id": "fb82vt9"}, {"question": "My [28M] girlfriend's [27f] mom [?F] guilt trips her kids in an attempt to get her way", "description": "So, I may be a bit out of place in all of this and I need help determining what I am supposed to do. Weve been together for 6 months now and while I have met her family, she hasnt met mine yet. We were set to go on the weekend of Mother's Day. I understand that was probably a terrible day to do it, but it was going to be one of the few times I would be going back home until the holidays and they both wanted to meet.\n\nWhen my girlfriend's mom heard about this she began guilt tripping my girlfriend by continuously saying 'Everyone in my office thinks you should be home for Mother's Day'. Its fine to say this once, maybe twice, but to say it approximately 10 times is a bit much. I would even consider that manipulative and abusive.\n\nMy girlfriend came to me this morning again saying how she was sad and just needed a hug from me right now because her mom guilt tripped her again. This weekend we were supposed to stay at her parent's house because we are going to be in town for a festival. I dont care to be in a house where behavior like that occurs, so I suggested getting a room somewhere to stay so she (am presumably I) wouldnt have to take any more crap.\n\nShe comes back and says that wont be necessary because her mom wont say anything to me only to her and how she thinks she should be more reserved in telling me these things because she is worried I will think her mom is a terrible person. She also says it doesnt directly affect me because she didnt tell me anything. Which is a complete load of crap.\n\nThe other thing I see is that this will hugely affect our future. Anytime something happens and her mom doesnt like it she is going to be on the receiving end of abuse. This has the potential to affect a wide array of plans. How can I turn a blind eye to this?\n\nIronically enough my mom had plans that weekend to go out of town with friends of her, so we wont be going to my mom's house (she forgot she had plans that weekend) and she is going home for Mother's Day\n\nFor a relationship so new, there is a lot of stuff going on. I dont know what to do, please help.\n\nTL;DR: Girlfriend's mom is guilt tripping her for us going to see my mom on Mother's Day to meet her. I dont know what to do", "answer": "If your girlfriend treats you the way you like to be treated, you'll have the opportunity to be happy, whether or not her relationship with her mom is a shitshow. If she doesn't treat you the way you like, you wouldn't be happy if she never spoke to her mom again. \n\nButt out and stay in your own lane. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "683jw3", "comment_id": "dgvds7m"}, {"question": "When my boyfriend [28m] and I [26F] argue, he tends to get super angry and say really awful things. We have been together for almost 3 years.", "description": "We have a good relationship and are pretty happy despite this...but he feels like I push, nag and that he can never make decisions on his own.. which is usually because I have to plan stuff. \n\nTonight he said something that made me really uncomfortable because he said I was pushing him. He said \" I can't take it or I'll fucking kill you one day. You want that?\" \n\nThis comment stemmed from me saying he doesn't really save his money as he constantly eats out everyday or spends money on things he doesn't need. \n\nI counsel women who experience abuse and I don't know if I'm reading into this too much or it's just a simple fight. I'm awful at advising myself. I just want to know what someone would do. ", "answer": "Someone walks into your office for counseling saying: my boyfriend is often verbally cruel when he's angry. But yesterday he said he might kill me one day if I don't 'learn to lay off.' This morning he told me I was blowing things out of proportion, and that he only said that jokingly because I was criticizing him. It didn't feel like a joke. \n\nWhat would you recommend?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69jbsk", "comment_id": "dh729ve"}, {"question": "Request for new Psychiatrists: Please call your patients back. (personal anecdote highlighting issue)", "description": "Good day! Although for me it is not a good day. I suffer from Major Depression with psychotic features and today is not a good one.\n\nMy request is for new psychiatrists to understand how difficult it is (in the US) to find a psychiatrist, first, who takes new patients, hasn't switched to children only, that takes my particular insurance, and WILL CALL YOU BACK. This combination is almost never possible.\n\nI have an anecdote to illustrate. In August last year, I almost committed suicide. My doctor and I had been gradually lowering my anti psychotic dosage, and I didn't realize that I was obsessing again over a certain thing. When the day came when I was finally told that thing would never happen, I was devastated. My whole world crumbled and I wrote notes, figured out who would find my body, made preparations and was about to do it.\n\nOut of the blue a friend messaged me online. My thought at the time was, I'll never talk to her again, why not play a game with her online for the last time. Well, thankfully this distracted me long enough for me to fall asleep without doing it.\n\nSo the next week (it was Friday night), I attempted to contact my psychiatrist. This was a big provider in the area, (Let's call them Big O). First they suggest logging into the online portal and sending a message directly to my doctor. This didn't work because my doctor wasn't configured on the portal.\n\nSo my first call to Big O was to get the doctor set up so I can message him. I was told that he couldn't get on there because he was mental health. (This wasn't true, because my previous mental health doctor was on there. They change doctors every year (student doctors, i think they are called interns).\nSo I asked how do I send a message?\n\nThe operator said, \"I'll take the message and give it to the doctor.\" No call back. Two days later I tried again to message the doc through the operator. No call back. Ok, how about move my next appointment sooner? Sorry, no available times.\n\nSo I took it upon myself to up my dosage to what is was before we started lowering it. The good news is that my work actually cares about it's people and understands taking a few days off for mental health crisis. So I did while I stabilized. Still no call back.\n\nAfter about a week I was feeling ok enough to go back to work and just wait for my next appointment. When it came, I told the doctor the story. He said he never got any messages, and that I did the right thing by upping the dosage. (Why should I have to self prescribe?)\n\nSo I looked for another doctor. I found one, and the first appointment, I told her the story. She said she would be more available to me. Also that someone would call me for my next appointment. They didn't. So far I have left 3 messages on two different lines for my doctor or her nurse, over the course of 3 weeks and nothing.\n\nI understand you are busy as doctors, but you have no idea what it's like as a mental health patient to get care. Please call us back, or even have one of your staff call. What is so hard about that?\n\nThank you for listening.", "answer": "I'm sorry you've experienced but sadly I'm not surprised. For as long a I've been working in the mental health field almost every psychiatrist I've worked with has been intensely overworked. For the last 2 agencies I've worked with psychiatrists rarely if ever make telephone calls back to clients. Usually the receptionist will or it's left to the therapist. The best piece of advice I can give is to get a therapist that you are seeing weekly. Although we're often overworked too, in my experience, most therapists are much better at calling back and/or getting you connected with your psychiatrist when needed. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xsvlq", "comment_id": "duc5gyz"}, {"question": "Why does my girlfriend ignore me on facebook?", "description": "Me M/22, my gf/24. Been together 3 years. Broke up for 6 months last year.\n\nWe're friends on facebook, no relationship status, which is fine and dandy but everytime I post something on her wall, she pretty much ignores it. She doesn't acknowledge it whatsoever. However when other people do, she does. She made friends while we were apart, as did I, so there are new people in her life, but one dude in particular is always posting things on her wall and she's always liking them or commenting them. Me on the other hand, she pretty much ignores/does not acknowledge publicly.\n\nI'm starting to think a few things, like a) she does not want people knowing she's in a relationship, b) she bad mouthed me while we were apart and is embarrassed, or c) she's cheating on me.\n\nEither way, all of these come down to the fact it seems she doesn't want to publicly acknowledge me!\n\nAm I being ridiculous? It's starting to bug me, obviously.", "answer": "Don't worry about how she treats you on Facebook. How she treats you IRL is what matters. \n\nIf it bugs you so much, though, you could simply ask her if she means to ignore your posts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ko77z", "comment_id": "c2ltn3v"}, {"question": "Not in my body? [Not sure if serious]", "description": "I have been having out of body experiences when ever I give presentations or have to talk about a subject for an extended period of time with one or a few people. \n\nSo today I had to give a presentation in my English class and about 4-5 minutes into me talking, I became hyper-aware of my surroundings, my voice, and who was and wasn't listening. I became super-aware of how I was pronouncing my words and as I was talking, it felt like my mind split in two.\n\nI had 2 voices. I was thinking about how the presentation was going and how I looked while I was on autopilot talking about my subject. It was very strange and concerned me, as I almost felt like I was an observer to my body performing an action. \n\nI'm not sure if this is a normal anxiety-related thing, but its very scary to feel like I didn't have control over what words and actions my body made. \n", "answer": "Sounds like depersonalization. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2linxe", "comment_id": "clvht7y"}, {"question": "Physician acted inappropriate and made me uncomfortable", "description": "This happened in Illinois. I have suffered from migraines and was referred to a neurologist. I am a 26 year old female, and doctor was fairly young (maybe low to mid 30s). During the visit, it felt like he was coming on very strong to me. He kept complimenting my looks, telling me how amazing I am, how good my body looks, etc. I am a stay at home mom right now with a toddler. The whole visit was extremely flirtatious and made me uncomfortable. I never once said anything like \"thank you\" because of how weird and uncomfortable it was. When I would change the subject or ignore the complement, he would almost act as if he had been rejected.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\nThe worst part was when he asked me if I would be interested in a more 'natural' treatment approach to migraines. He said that orgasms can help reduce migraines, and kept following up asking me about how often my husband and I have sex, telling me I could 'take care of myself' since I stay home, etc. He even said \"..I know some women aren't able to have orgasms, are you able to?\"\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\n\nObviously I won't be going back to see him again, but I am curious if he technically did something wrong in this situation. He never touched me, or anything physical. I just feel like this type of behavior shouldn't be allowed, but when it is just his word vs. mine, there isn't much I can do now. I did some light research of my own after the visit, and it doesn't seem like orgasms are really a medically recognized treatment, so I feel that he might have overstepped by recommending that option? The situation seemed inappropriate to me based on the power dynamics of a patient - physician relationship, but I don't know if he technically did something wrong here.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\nI checked with the state board and his license is active. Couldn't find anything online that would indicate he has a record, or something like this has happened before. Do I just let it go? Obviously all the upstanding docs here on r/AskDocs wouldn't condone this type of behavior... but is this a gray area? \n\n\nRequired Info:\n\n\\- 26 years old\n\n\\-female\n\n\\- 5'-4\"\n\n\\- 115lbs\n\n\\- Caucasian \n\n", "answer": "Serious question, how would this proceed in the medical board? As OP said, it's her word against his.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ys3zi", "comment_id": "ea4i874"}, {"question": "Am I a complete berk? [32/m] in battle with [33/f] New(ish) Dad seeking advice. Please help me", "description": "Right so first off, throwaway account.\n\nIm 32, my GF is 33, we've just celebrated the first birthday of our first child - who is the centre of my world.\n\nTo give you a picture of our relationship: We live together, have a mortgage - so as far as I'm concerned we're pretty much married. Neither of us are into the whole marriage thing so it'll probably never happen. I'm 100% committed to her and 1000% to our little one. She has cheated on me in the past, once that i know of. Though I have no reason to suspect it's any more than that. I caught her out, I worked harder to keep the relationship going than anything else I've ever worked on, still pisses me off of course but I don't let that show and I trust her now 85%\n\nTrust isnt the immediate problem. The issue were having is that from her perspective, I cannot seem to do anything right. Perhaps it's best that i list some facts:\n\nI'm the breadwinner, she does the majority of childcare. I work 5/7 days, she does 3/7. I contribute \u00a3900 to the joint account, she contributes whatever is possible. I do this gladly and it's the most I can afford, we're okay money wise. I've never mentioned the difference in what we pay. I would like to pay more but that's the absolute upper limit of what I earn. \n\nI help out around the house, if she washes up 10 times a week, i wash up 5. If she does 5 loads of laundry a week , i do one or two. I see this as about fair given that I work full time and have less free time. I also see level 1 house jobs like this as ...not really very difficult or time consuming.\n\nI do all the 'man stuff'. If something needs fixing, then ill do it. This isnt really an option for her. Clever and smart and capable as she is, she doesn't know about hardware or how to use tools. I have encouraged her to learn but there is no significant interest. This is fine, but it does take my time and in my book counts as 'housework'. \n\nSince the arrival of our firstborn, I've given up any socialising, working late, hobbies. not 100% but for example, I really love fishing and used to go every week. Since becoming a Dad I've been once, for half a day. I used to go to the pub 3 times a week, I've been 3 or 4 times in the last year. I haven't been on any work socials, or pursued any other hobbies. Apart from playing computer games when they've both gone to bed. I don't mind this sacrifice at all. I would like to go fishing a bit more, maybe once every month or two as i miss the community I had with my fishing club, but i dont miss the pub or the going out, football, etc etc, I'd rather stay at home with the little one. \n\nIn comparison, She regularly meets up with other mums and does playdates and things like that, which i think is brilliant and fully support. I realise that theres a difference between going out drinking and dancing (which i have also fully supported) and going out to soft play. \n\nI am 100% supportive, committed, trustworthy. I do everything i can to empower her.\n\nSo that's the background, onto the problem...\n\n***I am constantly reprimanded, guilt tripped and in a roundabout way, called a bad Dad.***\n\nMy little lad has never wanted for anything, whether it be clothes, food, love, attention, unnecessary toys etc. He has whatever he needs and more. I am proud of my little lad, and I'm proud of myself to provide for him and his mother. Yet I am constantly henpecked about the slightest missed cues, dropped balls etc - all minor inconsequential stuff. \n\nExample from today - I've had the finger pointed at me because he has a temperature and i didnt ask often enough about how he was. I was away on work (rare event) and sent a text asking how he was as soon as i opened my eyes this morning. I received information from her saying his fever was much much better. 'Brilliant' i thought, and felt relief.\n\nI'm now being reprimanded and cold shouldered because i didn't enquire often enough throughout the morning. This is typical from his mother. I'm constantly berated for being inadequate in some way. Made to feel like I'm not doing my job properly despite the circumstances i am in . In this case I'm in lectures and an exam. \n\nIt doesn't stop there. I am berated for not telling her that I think she's a good mother. The random presents and 100% supportive statements aren't enough apparently. I should point out that not once, not once single time have I ever been told that I am a good father. Luckily for me I tell myself every day.\n\nI am also not allowed to behave naturally. What i mean by that is that I live my life with the intention of helping people. I really believe in 'paying it forward' rather than getting paid. This means that if there is an opportunity to help then i will. However I am frequently scorned for dedicating time to helping others, in particular members of my family ( who have been enormously supportive towards her since day 1). She hates my mother, she wont admit it, but if i take my lad to see his nanna then its cold shoulder all the way.\n\nI find myself in a situation that i feel i cannot escape. I cannot approach her about it, because it will just be like lighting the touchpaper. I just want my little lad to have a proper, happy family upbringing. I suppose I am feeling that she is a barrier to that. Rather than solve the issues at hand, I wait until they're tucked up in bed and start drinking. I cannot cope with all of the sources of stress that point conflict in my direction. \n\nPlease help me with your advice. Thank you in advance for your input.\n\nS \n\n \n\n", "answer": "go to couple counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71evpj", "comment_id": "dna7nj2"}, {"question": "What to ask for if you haven't had a checkup in a very long time", "description": "I've not been to a doctor in probably twenty years. My new job has full medical coverage and I'm a 28 year old male, so I think I want to get checked out but I'm not sure what to ask for. Would I also be able to ask for blood work to be done, so it's a bit more than a simple physical? What type of doctor do I try and find? \n\nThanks for any advice. ", "answer": "If you're feeling well, do you need to get a check up at all?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vlovb", "comment_id": "de4u2yf"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure I've had depression for the past five years, quick questions about seeking treatment:", "description": "I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place; it seemed like /r/depressoin and/r/mentalhealth were neck and neck for this post.\n\nI know self diagnosis is generally a bad idea, but assuming I have depression, I have a few questions. First, I'm on my mother's insurance, and she's a teacher, meaning we get state insurance (We're in the USA). I know I'll probably have to ask, but do most government employee insurance providers cover therapy and medication for mental problems? And, where do I start? I imagine a doctor has to write the prescription, but I'm sure a therapist would have to okay it first. So who should I go to first? And last, about how much would this cost out-of-pocket if insurance doesn't cover it? We come from a poor family and if this is going to make me bankrupt I may as well just go back to sleeping all day.", "answer": "The Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) mandates now that health insurance plans cover some form of mental health care as well, so you should have some options. That being said, it won't cover all therapists. Find your health insurance's website and look for a list of accepted providers.\n\nBefore you start with a doctor, I'd consider seeing a therapist a few times. Not everyone with depression requires anti-depressants, so best start off just seeking psychotherapy (it is more effective in the long-term anyways). If your therapist feels that you would benefit from a combined therapy/medicine approach, then he'll likely refer you to a psychiatrist for a prescription. Most insurance covers anti-depressants, so if your providers feel that is a needed option, it shouldn't be anymore than a 10-20 dollar co-pay per month. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "161v9p", "comment_id": "c7rzo5p"}, {"question": "What blood test generate this report?", "description": "[blood test report](https://imgur.com/a/cSoDd6k)\n\nGlucose Tolerance Test\n\nTuberculosis Test\n\nUrine Drug Test Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test Observed\n\nUrine Drug Test Express ResultsTM Online\n\nOral Fluid Drug Test\n\nHair Drug Test\n\nBreath Alcohol Test\n\nHealth and Wellness Screening\n\nAll Other Tests", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but the lab panels that give those results are the bold headings on each paper: CBC with differential, comprehensive metabolic panel, TSH, and a few hep B tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a8bmhd", "comment_id": "ec9d55l"}, {"question": "Difference between Borderline PD and Complex PTSD?", "description": "I know there is another post like this on here from earlier this year. However, the differences seem a bit too nuanced for me to understand well from online articles that don't really penetrate the underpinnings of these issues. I am looking for personal experience, anecdotal evidence, impressions, etc.\n\nBut I'll take basically whatever I can get -- how can one distinguish between BPD and C-PTSD?", "answer": "BPD is an actual recognized diagnosis in the DSM while CPTSD is not. I conceptualize it as shifting the focus away from maladaptive personality traits to a stronger focus on trauma and formative experiences leading to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Not all people with BPD have a history of trauma, as well.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1ptdii", "comment_id": "cd5z2h5"}, {"question": "Got bit by a 19 yo human yesterday... am I being paranoid or could I already have an infection?", "description": "\n\nI take care of a 19 year old girl with autism and she bit me pretty bad. It did bleed just a tiny bit but stopped on its own within seconds. \n\nI wasn\u2019t able to wash it right away because I was alone with her and she was trying to injure herself. I wasn\u2019t able to leave her unattended at all for the next 6 hours. \n\nI was stupid and didn\u2019t receive medical attention right away. I have a wellness check with my pcp on tuesday (2 days after the bite) so I figured I could wait until then. I am up to date on all my vaccinations, though I\u2019m due for my TDAP next month, if that\u2019s relevant. \n\nToday I feel awful. Shaky, horrible stomach ache, can\u2019t stand for too long. The bite mark itself is completely numb but my whole forearm is VERY tender and sensitive to the touch. I have a purple and blue aura around the bite and the blue goes up my whole forearm. \n\nIs it possible for it to be infected this fast? I\u2019ll attach [pictures](https://imgur.com/gallery/XxVrPWB)", "answer": "Bite incident = emergency department", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cdnfjq", "comment_id": "etwz6sw"}, {"question": "25/m Atheist currently dating 23/f Religious girl. New to dating in general and need some life advice.", "description": "I need some help...first let me say that I have read countless threads on the whole \"interfaith dating\" thing, and I have concluded that every couple/situation is different, and I'm just going to have to see how things play out before I condemn the relationship and run.\n\nThe biggest issue for me now is feeling like I am in love for the first time in my life, and I don't know how to handle it. I have always been fairly anti-social, independent, and totally OK being alone. I haven't ever truly \"dated\" anyone, and honestly never really desired to. I have always loved my independence, doing what I want to do when I want to do it etc. I always said I was too selfish for a relationship, which was probably accurate. I knew I wouldn't be good boyfriend material. In the last few years I have grown apart from most of my small core group of friends (no anger/drama, they are all just married, have families, etc.) I am also not that close to anyone in my family, we get along fine, but don't ever do much together. I guess that comes with being an atheist in Utah. \n\nNow, I am with this girl who is seemingly totally incompatible with me, but they say opposites attract right? I have known her for a few years, and we have always just been friends/acquaintances. I told her about a month ago that I really liked her, and she said she felt the same way. However we just sort of laughed it off (knowing each others beliefs etc.) and just said we should hang out more and be better friends as we really enjoy each others company. That obviously didn't last long. We were both frustrated being \"just friends \" and decided to just go for it, may as well find out if we are good for each other or not before we have to get \"serious.\" \n\nIt has only been a few weeks since then, and since then my mental state has changed dramatically. Many of the things that used to make me angry don't anymore. I am happier in general, I have even caught myself smiling randomly which I never used to do. I guess you could say my general outlook on life is much more positive. \n\nLook, I don't know if this girl is the girl for me. I don't know if I am truly \"in love\", or just in love with these new feelings that I have never had before. \n\nMy big issue, is that I have spent all of my life being independent and content by myself. I have never understood love, and wasn't ever interested in trying. Now, it's like my brain likes this feeling, and is trying to make up for 25 years of neglect. I lose my mind when she is not around. I crave to be with her, and when I am not I get really depressed. I am playing it cool, not being clingy etc. But it KILLS me to not be with her. None of my hobbies, etc interest me anymore. I can't sleep at night. Now she is out of town for a week, and I am literally a disaster. It's only been 3 days at this point, and I just can't deal with it.\n\nI am glad all of this happened, but on the other hand, it stresses me out to now be a slave to this \"co-dependency\" feeling. I hate it. It makes me feel like a weak little bitch.\n\nAny advice is appreciated, if you have read through this whole post I thank you. It means a lot. However please don't get hung up on the atheist/religious thing, I feel like I have done plenty of reading on that topic, and understand what it entails. What I am really having a problem with is the separation.\n\nThanks,\n\nJohn\n\ntl;dr: Never been a dependent person, started dating someone, and now feel very co-dependent. Not sure how to deal with it.", "answer": "you need a succinct summary at the bottom", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pdzt9", "comment_id": "dcqi5k0"}, {"question": "Amitriptyline and high heart rate, a side effect or serotonin syndrome?", "description": "A few weeks ago I was on amitryptiline for 3 days for sleep. I took 50mg the first night, 35 the second, 10 the third. Every morning I take adderall as soon as I open my eyes. The first day I noticed I could feel my heart beating fast, and after I moved around my apartment for 3 minutes I decided to check my heart rate because I could feel it even more , moving. It was 140, and normally it would be about 110 ( I have a heart rate monitor so I tend to know what is typical of me in different situations) . 2nd morning same thing ( 140 exactly) though I only took 35mg, 3rd morning was 137. Then I stopped because the fast heart beat made me feel uncomfortable especially when leaving home, because it would be even faster. \n\nI looked up fast heart rate as a side effect but didn't see it and forgot about it. But then today I learned of serotonin syndrome, possible from mixing amphetamines with tricyclic antidepressants. According to Wikipedia fast heart rate is a symptom of mild serotonin syndrome. As is euphoria. When I spoke to my doctor I asked him if my amitryptiline could have antidepressant effect even at that low dose because I felt a little 'high' each morning after I took it ( a light feeling in my head though my body still felt heavy and sedated). \n\nNow I wonder if it could have been mild serotonin syndrome? I'm worried because I'm about to see about starting an antidepressant soon, but if that was serotonin syndrome maybe I am sensitive to getting it? What do you think?\n\nF, 38, 5'5\", 125 pounds, Midwest USA, medication I take every day, trazodone for sleep, adderall, sometimes midodrine. I didn't take trazodone the nights I took amitryptiline. Thanks!", "answer": "Fast heart rate alone is unlikely to be serotonin syndrome, especially with fairly low doses of a TCA (even if it is with an amphetamine). Amitriptyline can sometimes produce rapid heart rate as a side effect on its own; maybe that's what happened.\n\nIf you are going to try another antidepressant you'll see whether it was an idiosyncratic response to the amitriptyline. My hunch is yes, in part because your baseline heart rate is so unusually high. Is that the rate you have before taking Adderall in the morning?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8cjkks", "comment_id": "dxfg9fg"}, {"question": "I proposed to my [29M] girlfriend [25F] this past Saturday. She confessed to cheating early in our relationship the next day.", "description": "I posted this in r/relationships but they removed it since they said it's more appropriate elsewhere so I'm gonna try here. \n\nI [29F] proposed to my girlfriend [25F] of six years this past weekend. She said yes, and then confessed the next day that she had been unfaithful early in our relationship. She said it was a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend. \n\nI'm hurting bad over it. She said she needed to tell me because she didn't want to bring a secret into our marriage, and wanted me to be able to walk away easily and without the complications of divorce. She said she's wanted to tell me but she didn't want to lose me and knew she wouldn't ever do it again. She said she was young, and didn't think we'd ever even reach this point. (We both had no plan of ever getting married when we met, but that changed as we got older.)\n\nRight now she's staying at her parents and I'm taking sometime to myself. She is without a doubt the woman of my dreams, but I don't know if I can forgive her. All I've pictured since finding out is her being intimate with someone else. I don't want to continue with the relationship and end up with a wife I resent. But at the same time I don't see myself ever falling in love and connecting with anyone they way I do with her. This shit sucks. \n\nTL;DR Girlfriend confesses to a one night stand early in relationship after proposal. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61caf5", "comment_id": "dfditfq"}, {"question": "Do any of you keep mood/mental health trackers? If so, what do you use? And how do you do it when ADHD makes your mood fluctuate hourly?!", "description": "The latter part is the bit that gets me. I come to the end of the day and I usually cannot pick just one mood I've been in that day, so I need some sort of system that covers that, but isn't too arduous (because then I won't keep at it for more than a few weeks).\n\nIdeally I want to track it in my bullet journal, but open to thoughts about successful ways of doing it! Thanks gang :)", "answer": "I\u2019m doing it in my bullet journal. Have you looked at some bullet journal videos on YouTube? There are a lot on mood tracking in particular.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abnvrx", "comment_id": "ed1rgd1"}, {"question": "Anxious GF pushed me away. Should I wait? Will she come back? confused.", "description": "Hey there,\n\nI decided to post here to get some feedback from people with anxiety to see if I'm handling this correctly, so here we go.\n\nGirl and I were together for 9 months and everything was going perfect. Then completely out of the blue she said she wanted to break up. Saying that she still loved me and she'll probably feel so stupid for doing this, but she didn't think it was fair to me to bring me down with her on her emotional rollercoaster, etc etc. I told her I loved roller coasters, but understood and said that I would be here if she needed me. That was a little over a month ago.\n\nSince then, we've been talking pretty much every day. I've been giving her the space to pick herself back up, and she's been initiating roughly 90% of the conversations. Every now and then (maybe 1-2x a week) I'll randomly just send her a small something positive (everything will be okay). Some of the convo's are quick little ones, some of them are on and off all day, and some days there are none. \n\nFast forward to about a week ago and we're talking and snapping pretty heavily. About the same as we were when we were dating. She even started sexting me, saying she missed me, and she made plans to come over because she thinks it would provide her \"clarity\" on the situation and if we had sex then oh well (all her call not mine). I said it was fine, but then the other day she completely backed out again saying that it wasn't fair for her to make me think we were working things out and I told her I didn't think that, but again I understood. She knows that I love everything about her (including her anxiety) and would take her back as soon as she felt like she was ready to.\n\nI just would just like some feedback if I'm handing this correctly. Is there something I should/shouldn't be doing? I feel like I'm walking a lot of fine lines and I don't want to over step anything. How long can these low points last?", "answer": "Honestly, anxiety, mental health issues, all that aside, it sounds like she's stringing you along and using you for emotional support. \n\n\nWhether she's dating/seeing other people on the side without your knowledge or not which I wouldn't be surprised in this case (sorry bud), she's getting everything she wants from you and you're not getting what you want which is the relationship I assume. \n\n\nIf she's truly using you in the way that it looks like, what you're doing is both allowing yourself to be used to your detriment. If this is all legit horrible anxiety, then what you're doing by being too available as a stand-in therapist is enabling her avoidant behaviors which will only make her anxiety worse in the long run. \n\n\nMy advice for either case is to make yourself substantially less available. Don't respond to texts regularly. Maybe check in once a week or so at most, certainly not daily or multiple times daily. Go on some dates while the two of you are broken up. You don't have to get into another relationship if you don't want or you're not ready, but no harm in taking care of yourself and at the very least casually dating. I think going on a date with someone else might even give you some more insight into your current situation than any online advice could. \n\n\nI'd be willing to bet that as soon as she finds out you are going on other dates, she'll push for the relationship again. At that point, it's up to you to decide if this is the kind of person you want to deal with long term. \n\n\n", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8iod20", "comment_id": "dytf3le"}, {"question": "Question about ethics", "description": "My wife and I were seeing a marriage therapist when we lived in another state around 2016. This was our third marriage therapist. Party because we moved twice in three years, but partly because she didn't like the first two. She also said that I manipulated the therapists.\n\nMy wife and I were on the verge of divorce last year around April 2018. A few months into the divorce, she wrote me this long email where she mostly trashed me. I just ignored it for the most part because it was a divorce and I expect nasty things to be said. But one thing that stuck out was that she said she contacted the therapist from 2016 and asked her if I am a narcissist. In the email, she said the therapist confirmed that I am a narcissist. Months after that, she said that I am not the typical self-loving narcissist, that I am some kind of type 3 (?) narcissist where I lack empathy for others.\n\nNow, since then, we've reconciled and we're working on our marriage including going to a Church marriage group. My wife and I got into a discussion about our youngest child and my wife brought up that I am a narcissist. When I said I couldn't imagine the therapist saying I am a narcissist, my wife changed the story to \"Well she said you have narcissist tendancies.\"\n\nNow, whether I am a narcissist or not, I'll leave that up to you readers to decide. I'm using my main account to post this and you have years of post history to dig through if you are inclined. My wife has said it's classic narcissist behavior to try to deny being a narcissist or defend yourself against the accusation. That seems like circullar logic to me but a lot of these \"living with a narcissist\" websites and subreddits say the same thing. I imagine anyone accused of anything would seek to prove themselves innocent and that behavior isn't tied to narcissists.\n\nThat said, my question is: was it unethical of our 2016 marriage therapist to discuss me with my wife privately during our divorce? And if so, what, if anything, should I do about it?", "answer": "As a therapist I'd be likely to bet that she never even spoke to your old therapist. Even if she did, I'd take anything she said that the therapist told her with a grain of salt. Folks in these situations can have a way of hearing what they want to hear, even if it's far from what's being said, or written. \n\n\nMost therapists aren't going to disclose information like that, especially not in an email. This was from two-three years ago that you saw this therapist? How long did you see them? \n\n\nUnless I've seen folks for a considerable amount of time and there's something that really sticks with me, there's no way I can remember anything other than the major details of a case from years ago. It's not that I don't care about them, it's just that I only have so much mental space. If I'm seeing 20-30 clients a week, it's likely I may have over 100 different clients in any given year. It's just not possible for me to remember the details of every one, especially not for clients I haven't seen in years. \n\n\nIf you found out that everything your wife said was indeed true (which I'd bet a lot of money against) you can always file a complaint with the state licensing board where the therapist is licensed. I might ask for a copy of the actual email or to have her forward it to you. If you do get an email and don't like the looks of it or question it's legitimacy, I'd contact the therapist to see if it's legitimate. Ya know.... to see if either you need to be making a report to the licensing board or get proof that your wife is falsely passing off something she wrote as official advice from a mental health professional.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b10ltf", "comment_id": "eiip9k9"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (22/M) is starting to take coke and I (20/f) don't know how to cope with this.", "description": "Hey guys,\n\nSo my boyfriend has expressed his want to try coke JUST ONCE just to say he did it awhile back in our relationship. Before he did this i did tell him i would highly prefer he did not and that it makes me very uncomfortable. I expressed to him that my previous boyfriend did coke and treated me very horribly while on it. He told me that if i really didnt want him to that he promises he wont.\n\nFast forward about 2 months later, he tells me hes going out the bar with friends. I stayed in since it was a weeknight and we both had work the following day. I get woken up at 5am by him coming into the house, mind you he has work in one hour at 6am, and he tells me he actually went his friends house and tried cocaine. I was really disappointed when he told me, and his exact words were \"I dont see how anyone can get addicted to this stuff\", which made me go into this rant about exactly how addictive it is etc. He basically was making it out like it could be used everyday and it would be NBD.\n\nSince then he has told me that he wouldn't be doing it again, that he only wanted to just try it. Its been maybe 3.5-4 weeks since that happened. \n\nWe had dinner plans tonight, he texts me at work asking if we can move them to tomorrow night because he got invited out for drinks and joints with \"chris\". Chris is his cocaine friend that got him to try it in the first place. Mind you guys i dont not care at all if he smokes pot, that is not a big deal at all. So i said \"Okay, but no coke\" and he said \"you only live once\" and started fighting me on it. It ended with me saying \"do whatever you want, i dont care\". and i have been ignoring his messages since. \n\nIm not trying to be controlling, but drugs beyond pot make me very anxious as i have been with someone in the past and saw how bad and out of hand it can get. Coke is like russian roulette, it starts out fun and once and awhile and the next thing you know your in a bad situation. I have tried telling him repeatedly that it bothers me, he shrugs it off and says its no big deal.\n\nDid i also mention he is taking adderall as of two weeks ago. He claims he has always had ADHD but has never gone to the doctor and been prescribe for it. Hes been buying adderall from a friend for work so he can focus more. Cant mixing adderall and coke potentially lead to a bad situation? \n\nI just care, i dont want to see him get into something he cant get himself out of. Am i being unfair? I dont care if he goes out with friends, drinks, or smokes pot. \n\n", "answer": "leave", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71lrcz", "comment_id": "dnbquo5"}, {"question": "After 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of Cannabis Use Disorder, I guess I'm ready to change.", "description": "Hi, I'm Glo, and I'm addicted to THC.\n\nI started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often. Then I got to college. I started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though. Then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property. I got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.\n\nI began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts. When I was 22 I met my ex, D\\*, and fell in love hard and fast. He smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and I loved it. He was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in Toronto) and smoked daily as well. I was always high when we were together. I started smoking at all times of day regardless of when I worked, and being high became my normal.\n\nTwo years later, D\\* broke my heart, and I didn't want to feel anything. I started smoking much higher THC levels and more often, I relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. These emotions of mine are very intense, as I have Borderline Personality Depression and ADHD. Being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.\n\nIt's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. I haven't been successful.\n\nI am dependent. I spend all my time thinking about the next chance I'll have to smoke, I don't socialize unless I can be high, I don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. I am terrified of the idea that I should quit for good and forever, but I know I can't go on like this.\n\nI'm lonely. I'm lethargic. My memory is hard to access. I've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. I'm late for work often (a job I love!) because I just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever. I've gained a LOT of weight and never have enough energy to exercise. I'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.\n\nI recently had a Psychiatric consult because I thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. The psychiatric team I consulted with diagnosed me with Cannabis Use Disorder, and explained that due to the amount I've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while I also struggle with BPD - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood. They told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo here I am. Going to an Addictions Clinic next Wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, I am going to go to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting (very lucky that I live in Toronto and there are options every weekday here) But I'm scared. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to accept this new reality. I don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. Nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.\n\nSo there's my story, I'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and I'm terrified.", "answer": "I\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! You\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "fizir6m"}, {"question": "Fiancee (ex?) has ptsd and found her cheating on me... don't know what to do...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Wow, it sounds like she is seriously depressed and in self destructive mode. Unless she is imminently suicidal or homicidal you probably can't force her to get hospitalized. Dealing with her sounds stressful though, so I would seek counseling for yourself to see if you can't a) get some emotional healing going with a professional b) talk with a professional who may have experience helping people like your wife.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "12cr6e", "comment_id": "c6v5krk"}, {"question": "How to not care?", "description": "Do you guys have any tips on how to not care, what anyone else says, thinks or does? Trying not to take things serious all the time. ", "answer": "In your life, what do you want to be doing? How do other people\u2019s opinions interfere with you doing what you want to be doing?\n\nCause you\u2019re gonna have thoughts or feelings about everything all the time. Keep doing you and everyone will think you don\u2019t care. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "75n4fu", "comment_id": "do7h2v3"}, {"question": "DBT Skill Organization", "description": "Hi, everyone! I was wondering what methods you all use to keep track of the DBT/mindfulness skills you find so that you can access them easily when you need them. I\u2019m thinking about keeping a creative journal of some sort where I can compile them all. Do you guys have any ideas/examples of your own to share? Thanks in advance!", "answer": "One of these might help:\n\n [https://www.google.com/search?q=dbt+skills+cheat+sheet&pws=0&gl=us&sxsrf=ACYBGNT\\_XCycHQrSQRAici47saHX987PDg:1573778469996&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwivz6LV\\_erlAhVFjK0KHZUxCmsQ\\_AUIEigB&biw=1280&bih=610](https://www.google.com/search?q=dbt+skills+cheat+sheet&pws=0&gl=us&sxsrf=ACYBGNT_XCycHQrSQRAici47saHX987PDg:1573778469996&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwivz6LV_erlAhVFjK0KHZUxCmsQ_AUIEigB&biw=1280&bih=610)", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "dwi49y", "comment_id": "f7jiptf"}, {"question": "Is there any full body and brain scan I can get, say, every 6 months, for preventative healthcare?", "description": "Im a 24 year old who has had a lot of sudden major diagnoses. \n\nAge: 24 yr old\nSex: Male. \nHeight: 176 cm \nWeight: 140 pounds. \nRace: Indian\nDuration of complaint: 7 years. \nLocation on body: All over\n\n\nHave been on various medications before for physical and mental illnesses. Im just tired of being surprised by sickness. ", "answer": "There are strong recommendations against \"fishing\" scans to try to find problems without specific reasons. The details are long, but effectively you're more likely to get a false positive and suffer harm from taking further action to diagnose and treat a spurious problem.\n\nWithout knowing what diagnoses you have it's impossible to say if there are any routine tests you should get.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amfgde", "comment_id": "efm7174"}, {"question": "DAE feel like their life just consists of waiting?", "description": "The worst part is we wait for tomorrow in the hope that it will be better than today, but when tomorrow comes we just spend it wishing it were yesterday. It just feels like i'm simply waiting to die. DAE feel this way?", "answer": "If you can wait without anger you can be said to be patient", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3m8065", "comment_id": "cvdm6a4"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "I'm terrible for eye contact. Whenever I make eye contact with anyone especially woman I get super bad anxiety. What are the standards on eye contact. I usually count to 5 then look away for a quick second then make eye contact again.", "answer": "There is no one standard. It is very dependent on culture as different cultures have different feelings/expectations regarding this. \n\n\nIn the U.S. and other western countries it's generally expected to maintain eye contact during a conversation with someone when it's in a professional or academic setting, or if the conversation is more serious. In a casual setting, eye contact is not always expected depending on the person. \n\nIf you're paying attention to it, it's generally better/easier to focus on one eye as if you're sitting close to someone, it's not possible to focus on both at the same time. \n\n\nHonestly, the best way to \"master\" it is to stop trying to \"master\" it. The more you try and think about it, the more anxiety you're going to have which can contribute to avoiding it.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ezac26", "comment_id": "fgm1q04"}, {"question": "How do you not become addicted.... to happiness?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Most people aren't \"happy\" but \"content\". Strive for being content not happy. Happy comes when it comes", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "h187xj", "comment_id": "fuljwkn"}, {"question": "YES!", "description": "Today is 1 week without purging. 7 days without giving in. 168 hours without letting bulimia destroy me. 10080 minutes. 604,800 seconds, and they were ALL mine.", "answer": "Wahoo!!! Well done!", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "jm76r5", "comment_id": "gatj0sm"}, {"question": "Dear ex-boyfriend, you're a rapist", "description": "You knew I didn't want to do it, that was a boundary from the start. But you nagged and begged so much. You told me you wanted to try anal because you were a virgin when we met and I wasn't. That it was the only \"first\" you could have of mine. The first time we did anal I didn't want to. You'd nagged me so much, told me we'd been together long enough, that if I cared about you I would try. It was our anniversary. Our third anniversary I believe. You called it our \"analversary\". I got so high on poppers and whippets I barely knew where I was. I was so scared that I got blasted off of drugs you bought for me specifically for this event. I could hardly tell where I was or who I was with. I was numb. I was delirious. I was high as a kite. All so you could fuck me in the ass. Afterwards I told you I didn't want to do it again, you begged for it to be a special occasion event. I dreaded it. So it became something that happened on your birthday or our anniversary. Then it became something that happened on demand when you felt like it. \n\nWhen I finally told you, after 4 years together, that I'd been raped before we met, anally raped, you reacted in the worst possible way someone could react. You called me a liar. You called me a sl*t. Said that the reason people tend to not believe rape victims is because of women like me. That I was a drunk with buyers remorse. That I was lying about screaming stop while he fucked me. You said you felt dirty for losing your virginity to me. You made me apologize to you. \n\nLiving with you became a nightmare. For years I felt like a slave, like a maid by day and a blow up doll by night. The emotional abuse became a monthly thing, then a weekly thing, then a daily thing. You would verbally berate me for hours, claiming you wanted to kill yourself, saying I didn't do enough, saying you needed me to do more to make *you* feel sexy, calling me whatever you needed to to make me feel like a shit person and a shit girlfriend, then with tears still in your eyes you asked me if I wanted to have sex. How was I supposed to say no? The one time I did muster up my courage to say no, you exploded into fresh tears. You said it was confirmation that I wasn't attracted to you, that I didn't love you, that you should just kill yourself. You made me feel like it was sex or breakup/suicide. But still I couldn't call what was happening rape, because I wasn't even allowed to call my other, more violent rape a rape. \n\nOne night when we were sitting on the couch together (that's all we ever did anymore) you saw the news of the Rolling Stone rape report, the one that ended up being a false accusation. You took this as a chance to go on your diatribe about how women made false rape reports all the time, how women have buyers remorse and the cry rape, how men have to suffer because women have regrets. You looked straight at me and said \"You went through that once.\" I tapped into all the strength I had and said, \"I still feel like I was raped.\" Then we had a weird conversation where you listened, briefly apologized for being insensitive, and then seemingly complaining forgot that event even occurred, where you called me a liar and a sl*t for saying I was raped. \n\nYou knew I'd been anally raped. You knew I didn't want to do it. You still wanted to have anal. After all your meltdowns, as you were still melting down, after telling me it was my responsibility to make you feel wanted, you would nag me over and over. After telling me you wanted to kill yourself because I didn't make you feel wanted enough, you would ask me for sex (again, how was I supposed to say no?) and after sex would tell me how much you wanted to do anal again. One of those days that I relented, after I'd finished cleaning the blood off my ass, you told me anal was more special between us now because of what happened to me. You still wanted to have anal. I wanted to die. \n\nThe last time we had anal, when you made me go on top of you, you didn't hide your impatience. You went too deep and too fast, when I told you it hurt you would slow down for two pumps then start back up again. The pain started to make me go numb, and I felt like my entire being retreated into this spot inside my head where I could get lost in a dream and not feel the pain as much. I dreamed about being somewhere else. I dreamed about running away. I dreamed about killing you. After you were finished and let me off of you, you saw the blood and were horrified. You said you didn't realize you were hurting me. I was telling you you were hurting me. You didn't care. I told you I never wanted to do it any of the times we did it. You didn't say a word. \n\nWhen I left you, I felt like you were a broken man, with no coping mechanisms for his undiagnosed bipolar and potentially schizophrenia. I felt like you were a victim of an unbalanced, abusive mother. I felt like you were abusive because of your environment and your illness. Now, over a year later, I feel like you were a sick monster who was raised by the devil. I know that people say that it's important in the healing process to forgive, but I'm further away from forgiving you than I was when I left. Now that I'm free and I'm allowed to feel however I want, I've seen more and more how truly awful you were. I've met so many wonderful men since I've met you, but I can't trust a single one of them because I'm scared that anyone of them could secretly be like you. You loved to blame everyone else for your problems- me, your mother, your work, religion, society, immigrants- but you can't blame anyone else for you pestering me, begging me, threatening me, ignoring me saying it hurts and that I didn't want to do it, all because you wanted to fuck me in the ass. You're a rapist. \n\nEdit: I'm overwhelmed by this response. Thank you so very much for the support and the kinds words. I didn't expect this to get quite so much response. I've read every single comment here and most of them have made me feel so supported and believed. Thank you. If someone in your life tells you that they've been assaulted, the most powerful thing you can tell them is that you believe them. ", "answer": "Jesus. This is one of those stories I read and wonder what I'd have done. It's easy to think you'd have done different, exposed him, ruined him... but it's a lot harder when you're in the moment. \n \nWhen someone is unforgivable, the only comfort I get is knowing what a miserable fucking life that must be. Hating everyone, blaming the world. Psychos like him aren't happy. They die miserable no matter how much life gives them.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "74xnnk", "comment_id": "do22zke"}, {"question": "I miss my ex that I broke up with last year. Need advice", "description": "Almost a year ago I (m) broke up with my girlfriend (f). She was a really great girlfriend and I think I may have made a mistake.\n\nI broke up with her because I had all the doubts that she was the one. We got back together for a couple weeks but she ended up breaking up with me because she felt I wasn't in it. I haven't spoken to her since then and at first I was fine but 6 months later I started missing her a lot.\n\nI want to call her up but I'm worried about feeling the same way and hurting her again. \n\nI stumbled upon this post and it really spoke to me. \n\nhttps://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=536154\n\nDo you think it's worth getting back together with counseling or do I just need to leave her alone? I really miss her. ", "answer": "yes; get back with counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hs7ml", "comment_id": "dj0u33w"}, {"question": "How do I help my friend in crisis when I am distressed by their behavior?", "description": "New to this subreddit, so feel free to delete if this isn't allowed. Just not sure where else to get advice.\n\nMy friend of 7 years has been showing very worrying symptoms, but I'm not sure what to say or do when talking to them lately. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that they are reaching out to me (I have a very bad reaction to impulsive/manic behavior due to parental abuse) and my husband (who is dealing with the loss of a family member due to homelessness and drug use).\n\nSome context:They recently lost their long time job from missing too many days. They got a new job, but apparently have been skipping work enough that they expect to be fired and want to quit. In a facebook message, they told my husband they were planning on selling all their things and going to \"live in the woods.\" Over the phone, they told both of us that they decided they \"physically and mentally cannot work.\" All I asked was how other people in their life have reacted to that news, and if they understood the consequences/reality of being homeless as a result. That was enough for them to pretend to have a stomach ache and hang up. We haven't talked since except for when they sent my husband a link to a song with lyrics about no one understanding their pain. He didn't respond to it because he wasn't sure how.\n\nThey are probably both my husband and my closest friend, they've stayed at our house for periods of time, but its something we've learned doesn't work because of our incompatible mental health issues. Each time they've shown signs of being manic or depressed we've asked them to get therapy, but they never do. The closest they got was talking to their PCP about depression and were prescribed anti-depressants, but I suspect that they are no longer taking them since they lost health insurance. We have found a free crisis counseling center very close to them, but they are apparently resistant to going and are still planning on \"living in the woods\".\n\nI'm struggling with what to do if they end up with no income and stop making rent, and are left homeless. I am personally struggling a lot to stay caught up on my work (I work from home as a graduate student) because of my mental health and depression. I feel guilty but I know it would put an enormous strain on me and my husband, especially with their current attitude of not being able to work. The impulsiveness, the doing (excessive, but legal where I am) drugs, is very stressful for us both. I hate to use the word triggered, but even on the phone with them I was struggling with fight or flight feelings. In short, we are literally the last people who are able to be patient with this sort of behavior. That said, financially we are probably the best off of any of their friends, and they do not have any supportive family that could take them in.\n\nIs this \"living in the woods\" plan close enough to suicide that I should consider calling it in as an emergency? At what point can or should I be concerned about them committing suicide? How soon is too soon to call it in as an emergency? Does anyone have advice on how to deal with talking to them from here on out? In the worst case scenario, what should I say if they ask to stay with us?", "answer": "This is a tough situation! Are you in the US? Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done for a person who is not actively suicidal with plan and intent. \n\nYour county may have a crisis line or a mobile team that can talk to your friend. Of course , they can't make your friend do anything. \n\nA plan to live in the woods is not a suicide plan.e ven if you think it is a bad idea , as far as risk assessment goes , it is future oriented. \n\nAs far as your own boundaries related to your friend asking to live with you , only you can decide that. If you did allow it, It would not be unfair to expect the friend to engage in mental health services . Again, only you can decide your comfort with this .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "feq10h", "comment_id": "fjvr5g3"}, {"question": "Grief support groups?? Any help appreciated.", "description": "TW: suicide\n\nHi all! I hope this is the right place to post this.\n\nOne of my close friends lost a partner to suicide a few months ago. She is, of course, reeling. We are college students with very little money. I am trying to see if I can find something near her to help her process her grief that is accessible, helpful and affordable. \n\nDoes anyone have any suggestions or experience with this? Any and all support and recommendations on how you or someone you know processed grief is appreciated.\n\nThanks so much.", "answer": "Check out your local hospice care centers. Many of those groups are free to the public and occur weekly. That's for more general grief. Also, if your friend is spiritual/religious, check into some local churches/congregations.\n\nIf you want something a bit more specific to suicide, try looking for groups on [psychologytoday.com](https://psychologytoday.com) or finding some local mental health Facebook pages and seeing if anyone knows of anything local.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f18aeo", "comment_id": "fh2jyru"}, {"question": "My TSH level was 5,06 about 6 months ago, my doc thought it was odd and told me to take another blood test and now it's 2,85?", "description": "Hi. 24F. Recently I've gained a lot of weight and I've been feeling a lot more depressed and tired. I already had depression but this is another level. Also my TSH level was 5,06 so my doctor thought I could have hypothyroidism and that that would explain a lot. He told me to take another blood test and this time it was 2,85,which I think I'd within the reference levels... I didn't want to have thyroid dysfunction but I was happy that there was a logical explanation for this downhill. Can it be a much more serious health issue?", "answer": "Base on the information you\u2019ve given, it doesn\u2019t look like hypothyroidism. We can\u2019t comment on things that weren\u2019t tested.\n\nDepression alone can account for your symptoms and could worse or improve spontaneously.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d5yh03", "comment_id": "f0ooyuy"}, {"question": "My specialist has bad ratings", "description": "I have to be referred through my clinic to be diagnosed. They made the appointment today, and the person they've set me up with has terrible ratings. 3/5 stars, most people complain he likes to push sedatives and doesn't listen.\n\nI don't know how much to trust it (it's not through Google, it's a physician rating website for Ontario) and if I should call to switch or try it.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Online ratings are a useful tool but keep in mind that people tend to be more compelled to go online and share either really good or really bad experiences. For all the bad reviews you see, there\u2019s probably a number of other people who had good or neutral experiences. They just didn\u2019t feel particularly compelled to share them. However, if you\u2019re noticing themes in the reviews - like pushing sedatives - be aware of that and prepared to advocate for yourself. You might find that if you communicate clearly about your needs and preferences, the doctor is totally willing to work with you.\n\nGetting into a psychiatrist can take a while, so if I were in your shoes, I\u2019d keep the info in the reviews in mind, attend the appointment, and then make a decision about if the doctor is a good fit or not. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a4x07n", "comment_id": "ebi6ncp"}, {"question": "Help with SNRI withdrawal?", "description": "I was put on 150mg of venlafaxine about half a year ago. It's the second antidepressant I've been on and there are only negative effects. A few weeks ago I decided I've had enough and cut it down little by little, until I had been on the smallest pills in the capsules (12,5mg) for 3 days and just stopped it there. Now I've been without the med for 2 days and withdrawal is getting worse. Brain zaps about once every 10 seconds, sometimes they reach out to my limbs. I'm sweating and I have a headache that painkillers are doing nothing to. Nausea and puking started a few hours ago.\n\nAnybody with experience? What can I do to ease this?", "answer": "Venlafaxine is one of the hardest SNRI drugs to taper off of. Have you talked to the doctor about it? They may be able to add another much more mild antidepressant to temporarily assist, or have other options.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yjp18", "comment_id": "c5wc8i0"}, {"question": "Should I get tested for Hep C?", "description": "I'm a 25 year old female, from the USA, 140 lbs (don't think that matters though) not sexually promiscuous.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n When I was 18 I had a year long relationship with a guy who I later found out had Hep C. I have never ever done drugs of any kind, but apparently he did and when he had surgery for something unrelated they told him.\n\n I never got tested and now 7 years later, somebody brought up the subject and for some reason my anxiety went through the roof wondering if I should have. I have a son, who I breastfeed and now I can't stop worrying about it. \n\nI have never had any symptoms, but I hear many don't. I guess my question is, how commonly is passed sexually? It is keeping me up at night worrying. Do I have a reason to be this worried or is not commonly passed that way?\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "It's fairly rare for hep C to be sexually transmitted, but it's not impossible. You probably should get tested. If you're negative, which you probably will be, it will set your mind at ease. If you're not, you're armed with the knowledge to follow it and get treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mla3d", "comment_id": "e7fk7gi"}, {"question": "My Friends, my people.", "description": "Hi! I can not express how pleased I am to see you all. With encouragement from an amazing friend and doing the dance called \"fake it to you make it\" (like a boss!) I have been facing my fear of the internet and \"being on-line\" for the past 45mins. I felt lost and confused trying to work how to say hello and where to \"post it\" & what community. Then like a diamond in the sky, mental health smacked me in the face! Der shit face, I am so passionate and proud that I have a file with my name on the front at my local community mental health building. It makes sense to post in a community full of peeps that know what I'm talking about. Pin that badge on me with Bipolar Effective Disorder & the under valued OCD.I look after my labels. I respect them. I am safe and relaxed amongst other people living with mental health because I can 100% be me, I don't have to put on an act or smile trying to convince or prove that I'm normal. Social stigma prevents us from shaking the stigma. I don't need the pity look or a patronizing smile if I'm talking to you cause, crazy or not buddy I'm happier than you'll ever be. This spring I'll be in my late 30's, I am widowed and conducting my very own social experiment at home raising a boy and girl. I work at the long standing local hospital part time at night as a \"waitress\" to the patients. My big boss had the balls to call me a \"trolley dolly\" once. Discrimination. I'm more than that, I love my job and take enormous pride in my work. My kids are amazing, I have a job I love, I have out of this world friends and meaningful relationship YET somehow some people only see my badges. Its very exciting thinking I could express my thoughts and ideas freely without a face & body language to consider. I'm a big dreamer with wild goals and a unique bucket list, surely not me! If you have made it to this part of my essay, thank you! I'm going to count backwards from 12 by 2's and hit POST and walk away slowly............", "answer": "Welcome to Reddit and this subReddit!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u35yd", "comment_id": "dlpych1"}, {"question": "We [27/CPL] have issues with [26/CPL] friends, but don't know how to deal with it. Advise needed.", "description": "I and my wife have been friends this couple for past three years or so. Initially, we were really hitting off and had no issues. They also became part of our friend circle and are now friends with our every other friends.\n\nNow, I have started noticing some problems in last few months (with husband mainly). To give you some examples -\n\n* He would call my wife directly for catch-up regularly and speak with her for good 10-20 mins but wouldn't talk to me even if I am in the same room. \n\n* We were at a dance party recently and I was trying to dance with my wife (she is fantastic dancer and I am just getting started and hence trying). The couple straight up told me that they would like to dance with the wife and I should move to the side.\n\nTo give you more background - I am not jealous kind of person. I am very open about my wife talking to other guys/friends but I feel things like the ones mentioned above are not normal.\n\nI have brought up this point to my wife and she agrees that it is a problem but we both are not sure how to handle the situation. One way would be to stop talking to them but it doesn't help as we share the same common friends and hangout quite frequently as a group.\n\nAny suggestions/advise would be helpful.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nPS: I have tried to speak with the guy to figure out the problem but he said that he doesn't have any problem.", "answer": "It's up to her to say no to him when he's being intrusive.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wedab", "comment_id": "de9g1xu"}, {"question": "(Confused) wanting to explore my sexuality [f,23]", "description": "I've been with my boyfriend for two years, we live together and are actually really happy. Kinda like how I've always pictures it. And we have a great sex life very exciting and open and intimate but I keep having this fantasy about being with a girl because I never have. And I don't wanna have a threesome. I wanna experience what it would be like to be with a woman and I think I would like it. How could I ever being this up to my boyfiend? I don't think I could cheat on him.", "answer": "You can own your desires by acting on them or not acting on them. \n\nIf you decide to act on them and you don't want to cheat, you can break up with your boyfriend or ask for his permission. \n\nTo ask for his permission, you'd have to tell him what you want to do. Which would be brave.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dycgd", "comment_id": "di6b24g"}, {"question": "Pulse Oximeter usage", "description": "Obviously I'm not trained but I read about how medics during freedive events will pass/fail divers based on SPO2 readings.. and I was just wondering how medical professionals accurately measure it?\n\nLike if I take one deep breath my SPO2 might be 99% but if I start taking shallow breaths with pauses it might drop down to 94%.\n\nIn general, would the SPO2 be measured at any given time or is it the max SPO2 someone can achieve?", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but I'll answer as best I can. SPO2 is a momentary snapshot of peripheral oxygen saturation that can be monitored in real time. You can deliberately hyper- or hypoventilate, to a point, and it would show up with pulse oximetry, but the range before your body will override your conscious breathing efforts to normalize CO2 and O2 is not all that wide.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a3dvr", "comment_id": "e4sjxfx"}, {"question": "i believe i am a sociopath", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You might want to do a little research on personality disorders (sociopaths are one type, called antisocial personality disorder, along a spectrum of PDs). Usually that diagnosis is characterized by a lack of empathy in the extreme; does that sound like you? \n\nBetter yet, see a therapist or psychologist. What you\u2019re describing sounds very distressing for you and that warrants getting help, and perhaps he or she will be able to sort out the meaning and roots of your need for validation from a romantic interest. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7flapo", "comment_id": "dqcxhig"}, {"question": "How does anxiety make you feel, aside from what you would call your \"natural\" disposition?", "description": "By \"feel,\" I mean the way anxiety is affecting your perception of reality and your surroundings in general. For instance,\n\nIt takes a tremendous amount of focus and energy for me to even momentarily feel connected to my surroundings. I'll suddenly realize that there are trees surrounding me, beautiful clouds in the sky, the warmth of the sun. Because of this, I think I have anxiety to blame for this \"zoned-out\" feeling that I experience daily.\n\nI am asking for everyone else's feelings that they experience day-today, be it a face-value feeling like \"I feel like I think too fast,\" or \"My nervous tics cause me to lose my mind on a daily basis.\" The more detail, the better, however much any of you are willing to share!", "answer": "I'm on medication so I can't answer about how I currently feel with my anxiety but when my anxiety was at it's highest, I would say that I felt everything was falling apart/the world was going to end at all times.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "uja8n", "comment_id": "c4vzlvr"}, {"question": "Facing reality", "description": "Recently I\u2019ve come to terms with how messed up my head is and have promised myself I\u2019d work on that fully, rather than ignore it all with distractions such as attention/alcohol/drugs/etc and this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Since I\u2019m no longer running away from my issues I see them so much clearer and it\u2019s become so obvious to me how little sense of self or selves I have and the personality I thought I had and that people know me for is really just a mask I put on while running from my fears and past. I feel like I have to completely knock down every inch of myself and build myself back up to try and find a true happy me, which is super hard when I have little to no support system. Trying to get better is so much harder and scary than I ever expected I wish I could just erase my whole life and start over again ", "answer": "This sub is sometimes a mess but there has been so much positivity, progress, courageous sharing, and hard, helpful words lately. It's really wonderful to see and to know that people aren't just accepting the world as it feels in the moment. How beautiful it is. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7gz1ol", "comment_id": "dqn3579"}, {"question": "Getting back with an ex", "description": "At the end of last year I (25) was dating a girl (22)for 4 months. We were never officially in a relationship. I was worried about starting a relationship with her or getting too close to her because I thought that I was going to move away from the city that we were living in. \n\nLast January we decided that it wasn't going anywhere and we ended it although we're still good friends.\n\nI ended up staying in the city that we live in. I've dated some other girls since then but none of them were as great she was. I often think that it was a big mistake letting her go because she's beautiful and kind and smart.\n\nWe've been speaking a bit more lately and I asked her if she'd like to meet up sometime so that we can catch up. I think that I'd like to give it another try with her. I dunno what she's thinking or why she agreed.\n\nAm I making a mistake? My friend told me that if I go back to her then it'll be like I'm settling only because I didn't find anyone who I clicked with more.", "answer": "seems like you liked her a lot and you may be more ready this time around. explore it!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzz8c", "comment_id": "dloxlyq"}, {"question": "72 hours in and almost no WD symptoms? IDK why, but here's what I've been doing...", "description": "So this is my 3rd day (technically this afternoon) but normally by this point I'd be in agony, and to tell you the truth I feel pretty ok. Some fatigue and a little woozy but I slept like a rock the first 2 nights and didn't have sweats or anything. I don't know why this is happening but I'm taking it as a blessing. I was using up to 50g a day for like 2 years (with a month break and some week long breaks in there) and I quit CT. I just thought I'd share what I've been taking in case that's the reason:\n\nGabapentin: like 900mg every 4 hours or so up to 3000-4000mg, more at night if needed, didn't really need it though.\n\nCannabis vape oil (distillate): this is a highly concentrated form of THC and I've been puffing on it pretty much non-stop. Also regular (high-grade) flower.\n\nClonazapam: I know, I know it's a benzo and they are evil, but honestly they are helping so much right now, and I don't plan on taking them after the first week or two. My dad is actually nursing them out for me, I take 1 mg once or twice a day (usually only once) I know how addictive they are so I'm keeping in mind that the feeling they give me is very temporary.\n\nMulti-vitamin with food: I've been eating more regularly (was basically annorexic when on k) and taking a men's multi once a day.\n\nMagnesium Glycinate: I had this leftover from a previous quit. I found It works best if you have something that you have to do (stimulating for me) \n\nRest: I took the week off of work, and the lack of stress worrying about going to work is making this almost anxiety-free. My boss is really cool too and told me if I need more time off that would be ok.\n\nMusic: I used to DJ (not professionally, but I did play a few festivals) and I picked up mixing tunes again, MUSIC IS INCREDIBLE AGAIN! It's mind-blowing how much beauty we sacrifice numbing ourselves with kratom. Im having a blast playing catch-up to finding all the good new music!\n\nMy family: As crazy as fuck as they are (Italian) I love them to death, and I've lost a lot of hostility I've been holding against them. Kratom made me very judgmental, like EVERYONE was obnoxious and i couldn't stand anyone. Not the case now, I actually enjoy the company of others.\n\nFriends: I hung out with my bestie and got really high, I've been neglecting her and it felt good to REALLY reconnect. I explained to her that I haven't been myself and I'm trying to be the person I want to be and she was so supportive. PEOPLE WANT TO HELP! All you have to do is reach out!\n\nVideo Games: This is a weird one cause I thought I was going to lose interest since it was my favorite \"getting high hobby\" turns out I enjoy them even more! Such a great way to pass the time, I loaded up Skyrim and have been enjoying that game more now that I'm clear headed. \n\nThat's all I can think of, I just wanted to express my gratitude to this community, you were all my inspiration to do this, so thank you! If anyone out there is struggling, please reach out, to me even, I'm happy to help. If you are scared to quit, I understand but just do it, you will find It's easier than you would think it would be!\n\nMuch love, \n\nitswhatyouwill", "answer": "What do you mean you don\u2019t know why? You\u2019re using three other powerful drugs to combat WD symptoms.", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "ehm2lv", "comment_id": "fck24f8"}, {"question": "Is it possible to internalize messages that aren't meant for you?", "description": "I'm a 35 yo male, currently in therapy with depression and social anixety, i have the most anxiety interacting with women due to being harased when i was 12, i think i'm wrongfully internalizing messages, i would never consider doing anything like harrasment or assualt, but when ever i hear or read about some guy doing that i feel sick to my stomach, like since i'm a guy, it's my fault. On an intelectual level, i know how wrong this line of thought is, but i feel what i feel. Should i just avoid anything like that? I plan on bringing this up with my therapist tommorow.", "answer": "To me it sounds like real empathy and having a natural reaction to the memories it bring up. You\u2019ve been in that situation of being harassed and know how painful and uncomfortable it is. When you see someone doing it to someone else it brings back the feelings you had when it was done to you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es44ee", "comment_id": "ff8947r"}, {"question": "Unsure about delusions", "description": "My family say I\u2019m delusional which I can\u2019t see as being true, but constantly I\u2019ll have thoughts about how tv, movie, music are made for me or trying to send me a message this happens in real life as well with thinking my friends or family are doing things for a special reason directed towards me. \n\nI know these are all delusional thoughts and I understand that it\u2019s not true but I still constantly have them every day.\n\n", "answer": "By definition, delusions are firmly held beliefs that are fixed and very, very resistant to change. People who are delusional do not believe they are delusional, refuse to listen to evidence that factually contradicts their beliefs, and are rarely, if ever, even open to the possibility that what they believe are wrong. The strength/intensity of their beliefs is similar to that of you knowing your first name. Awareness is key. How do these beliefs impact your daily life, relationships, school/work, etc.?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "8k2tbt", "comment_id": "dzag26k"}, {"question": "Intermittent fasting for PCOS weight loss", "description": "For 3 years, I had been trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained without any obvious reason why. Exercising 2 hours/day + cutting calories wasn't working...changing my macros around, switching to a paleo diet, eating low carb high protein wasn't working...even keto didn't do anything. I only gained an additional 10 lbs, began losing my hair, and lost my cycle for the first time. And I am the epitome of an A+ dieter...no cheats, EVER. Then, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Cysts, no ovulation, and extremely high testosterone (212!). Then, I was diagnosed with \"low t3 syndrome,\" an uncommon version of hypothyroid that doesn't show up on that standard thyroid panel. (luckily, i did my own due diligence and brought my research to the doc, demanding the right tests). Anyway, I got put on armour thyroid, and even that did not make my weight budge, nor had the metformin I'd been on at that point for almost 6 months. As of yesterday, I'm back to my original weight of 130 lbs! Wanna know how?? Intermittent fasting!! (and ketogenic macros) In roughly 3 months, I've lost nearly 30 lbs...effortlessly. I eat 300-400 more calories than I was eating doing calorie restriction/keto (high FAT, NOT high protein, btw) alone, and as I continue to gradually increase, I'm still losing. I exercise 3 days a week, ALL weight training, an hour/day tops....which is far from what I was doing up until 4 months ago (a combo of zumba and high intensity interval training on the Arc Trainer elliptical 6-7 days/week, 1.5-2 hours/day). Insulin has been the culprit all along, as many of you probably already know. Intermittent fasting lowers insulin enough to where my body can actually utilize stored body fat. Amazing! Feel free to ask questions if you're interested.", "answer": "Hmm. I've read that intermittent fasting, while it might lower levels of circulating insulin simply because you aren't eating as often, actually worsens insulin resistance, which is one of the key underlying etiologies of PCOS. This is the same reason for why you cannot fast before an oral glucose challenge test (it may falsely show that you have insulin resistance if you do fast before the test).... so I would be careful about the sustainability of doing this long-term and the potential of further exacerbating your PCOS symptoms in the long run. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "48xkmf", "comment_id": "d0os8b7"}, {"question": "I had 25 days and it was getting wonderful", "description": "Then I thought I could have just one. Turned into an all night most the next day disaster. Now I am shaky and so depressed. But now that I know how things were getting better and better during my 25 days, I know that is what I want! IWDWYT", "answer": "Maybe quit counting days. Sounds like you were focusing on what you had instead of what you were risking. Alcohol may be addictive and that addiction would lie to you and tell you that you gain something from drinking again. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "ai9ton", "comment_id": "eemfljc"}, {"question": "Realy in need of some help", "description": "First some back story, I'm now 28 and she is 39, she lives in Ireland and me in the UK (35 minute flight) we met on holiday 4 years ago and hit it off immediately, after 3 years of visiting each other we realised we had fallen in love and decided to try a long distance relationship and for a while everything was good but over the last few weeks I've started feeling that the distance thing isn't working and maybe the age gap is too large (11 years) but she can't move here and I can't realy move there so we are at a stalemate.\n\nFast forward to present day and we went on holiday (back to the place where we first met) and it was amazing, one of the best holidays of my life but afterwards I asked where was it going and what was happening in the future and we both kind of decided to break things off as it's maybe for the best.\n\nThing is that even though I brought it up and thought it was right it's eating me up inside, I find myself crying to myself (something I NEVER do) and thinking about her constantly, I feel I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I miss talking to her every day, I miss the fact that I know I will never see her again (she dosent think we can remain friends) and she just sent me the tickets for a concert we were meant to go to together here where I live and it killed me a little inside. I have never felt this low in my life and really don't know what to do with myself, I feel sick my head is pounding and I really don't know what to do and if I made a mistake, we ended on good terms but it's only been a few days and I miss her so much. It feels like I've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend.", "answer": "reconsider. talk to her about reconciling. she seems really special.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zm6mz", "comment_id": "dmwc4ks"}, {"question": "How to talk to a cute guy in my class?", "description": "There's this guy in my college class that I've noticed that keeps glancing at me from time to time. He is cute but I don't want to interpret it wrong and maybe he was looking at something else. I have two classes with him and I noticed he turns his body in my direction but sometimes he's not directly looking at me, but sometimes he is. I want to talk to him but I have no idea what to say. I'm also socially awkward and have no experience with guys at all.", "answer": "Simple. Say hi. Ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "f2a27m", "comment_id": "fhbhrcz"}, {"question": "today a co-worker said that i look real sad", "description": "\"no no, im just lost in my thoughts haha\"", "answer": "Yesterday at work I said something along the lines of \u201cwhen I don\u2019t get enough sleep I get REALLY crabby\u201d and someone laughed and said \u201cYOU get crabby?? I CANNOT picture you even remotely crabby!\u201d This same person also laughed in disbelief when I said I was very introverted.\n\nHigh functioning dysthymia - where you\u2019re always exhausted and numb but no one believes your pain! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91fiih", "comment_id": "e2y7wvp"}, {"question": "(NEED ADVICE) ADHD - lack of focus/motivation & depressed. Tried WB/Concerta/Ritalin", "description": "Hello,\n\nI always had big problems focussing or remembering things in school/university. I guess the only reason I was able to pass them was being smart and making up for it. But as long as I can remember I have a super hard time focussing even only for 15minutes. \n\nGet easily distracted, sidetracked. Impulsive, hard to motivate, to get going and stay in one task. Its impossible. Im 32 now. Back then nobody ever thought of getting me diagnosed. \n\nWell so far I've been diagnosed now with ADHD - still not finding the right help tho. \n\nI tried Wellbutrin (helped a bit with motivation & focus but only a bit)\nRitalin (helped a bit but made me feel weird and addicted and always gave me headaches / crashes)\nConcerta (also headaches and had less effect then the Ritalin 10mg RX) \n\nI feel a bit lost. I would like to try Adderall, because I see it seems to be the best choice for more people, but in my country it isnt available. \n\nMy doc says we can still try Strattera, but I see very bad reviews (5.2/10) average on drugs.com. So what Im asking here I guess is, if anyone has same experiences and could maybe point me into the right direction or give me a tip whast to do/try.\n\nThank you\n\n\nEDIT: WORST PART - im always SUPER lethargic and tired. Never full of energy. NEVER. I dont know when last time I woke up and thought \"yeah im full of energy\". Like literally not in 20years. ", "answer": "Hey! I just got diagnosed last week (I'm 28). I wanted to start on Concerta, but my insurance said they don't cover stimulants for anyone over age 17, so I started on Strattera.\n\nI just wanted to offer that I'm doing alright on it after a week. There are some side effects, and I'm patiently waiting it out. If you're out of options, it might be the way to go if your doctor recommends it. Be aware, though, that it has showed an increased risk of depression in adolescents. This doesn't necessarily mean it will make that worse for you, but it's something to be aware of.\n\nRead through the experiences of others on this subreddit to see if you think it might be worth a shot. It sounds like, though, that you'd be willing to try anything at this point, so don't be too discouraged about the 5.2/10 rating on drugs.com. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7x8ue5", "comment_id": "du6r64v"}, {"question": "Male, (26) Girlfriend, (24) and her family constantly bring me down and make me feel worthless. What should I do? Help me, good folk!", "description": "I have been with my girlfriend for a year and 7 months now. I've met with her parents a few times during the holidays and they were nice to me. I get along with her brother and sister, too. The problem is, they will trash talk about me as soon as I am out of their sight. Is this normal? I mean they always send me positive signals whenever I spend time with them. I understand her family wants nothing but the best for her. Which family doesn't want that. They always criticize and look down on me behind my back. I know they do this because I've seen and heard firsthand her famiky talk crap about other people while spending time with them. Her family comes from a good background and upbringing. I'm just a guy from a poverty-stricken, broken, dysfunctional family. I can understand why her family disdain me so behind my back, but why the hypocrisy though? This happens every time I have a problem and ask for opinions and suggestions from my girlfriend. I like asking for her advice but the problem is she will blurt everything out to her family at dinner time. Then that's where shit hits the fan. Her whole family (except her brother) will roast me to their heart's content, saying I'm a good for nothing, useless, worthless, can't take care of anything, no future, etc. I know this because my girlfriend will then side with them and will join in the roasting, undermining fiesta and tell me everything what her family said about me. Is it normal for a girlfriend to tell her parents every single problem her boyfriend is going through? I have a job but the pay is not that good. I barely have enough savings to pay for the car expenses and the rent. Here's a situation, I've been thinking of selling my car because I need to pay my college graduation fee before this October 30. So I asked her what's her opinion on this. She went straight to her family and they said I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to think for himself let alone do anything right. Even worse, her mom asked her to just dump me. She then came back to me and got mad at me for not being able to do what she and her family expect. I think her family is a collective type of people who thinks money is everything and happiness is non-existent without it. I'm starting to feel of breaking free from this madness called relationship. What should I do, people? Please help. I am at my wits end.", "answer": "she's a bad disrespectful spoiled brat girlfriend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7813dx", "comment_id": "doq5imv"}, {"question": "Tips on Quitting?", "description": "Long story short: I work in the service industry, clock out around 4am, go home and drink alone until the next morning when I wake up with a terrible hangover just to do it all again. It's been a rut that's turned into 10 years but, no matter how much I hate it, I just keep doing it. I live in a very alcohol heavy small town (hell, I'm a bartender); and when I get home, I just feel this combination of loneliness, coffee, and boredom- there's nothing to do but drink. I don't drink at work so there is some self control there but this weird mix of loneliness and miller lite is putting a hamper on my day to day happiness. There's a tipping point: that first beer I have with coworkers at closing leads to another and another and then I'm 12 deep; but I come from a Polish-alcoholic family and I don't want my current trend digress. Any tips on what to do? I can't escape alcohol cause it literally pays my bills but I feel trapped. ", "answer": "I stopped drinking by going to an AA meeting every day. I didn\u2019t expect it to help but it did. Many places have early morning meetings. There may be one in your town. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m08j7", "comment_id": "dzjtsqn"}, {"question": "There is officially 100,000 subscribers now.", "description": "It's really great seeing this community grow. 40k since I joined a year ago. Sober on!", "answer": "Wohoo!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7x6dz5", "comment_id": "du5zuj8"}, {"question": "Who has tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Anxiety? What were your results?", "description": "I started CBT about 5 months ago. I read Feeling Good by David Burns cover to cover, and committed to thought journaling and reducing my cognitive distortions (the thinking patterns that cause anxiety).\n\nI've had great success. 5 months ago I fainted from a panic attack at work. I was having several panic attack per day, and my muscles were tense constantly.\n\nI still have mild anxiety, but it gets better every day. I have fewer than 1 panic attack per week now.\n\nSo I'm curious, have you tried CBT, and what were your results?\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Edit\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nFor those who asked for a basic description of CBT, here's a quick video to explain it.\n\n[https://youtu.be/bUihQ1b4PxU](https://youtu.be/bUihQ1b4PxU)", "answer": "Most therapists who say they do CBT do not. CBT is a very specific, regimented intervention. Almost all therapists draw from CBT, however. \n\nCBT is great for some, but it\u2019s much more important that the intervention feels good to the person getting help. There are many ways to help a person, and it\u2019s rare that one will be a fit for most people. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "98cois", "comment_id": "e4furnl"}, {"question": "First time I've been depressed", "description": "So as university progresses in my 2nd year, me living off campus, I'm getting more and more depressed.\n\nI have financial issues, family members that have had severe medical problems, discontent in my course choices, my long distance relationship girlfriend is being as supportive as she can but I feel like I keep bringing her down and I don't know what to do.\n\nToday is the first time in my life I've had suicidal thoughts and no motivation. I used to play violin for hours everyday, I'm a musician, I used to go to the gym every other day to keep healthy, I used to play games for fun. Everything seems like a chore, even cooking, I often won't eat until 11pm, it's already around 520 and I haven't eaten anything today.\n\nI'm just depressed and the usual activities I do to cope with it, I've lost all motivation for. I just feel like laying in my bed all day, to rot, because I'm worthless. And I feel like doing self harm, but I know it won't help me at all", "answer": "Sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time: sounds like your depression has really sapped out your interest and energy for the things you enjoy in life. \n\nYou say that you are in your 2nd year of university, and that's great! Having the motivation to go study what you enjoy is a strength you have, as well as having what seems like a plethora of enjoyable and healthy hobbies. \n\nDoes your university have a counseling center? Now seems like the best time to reach out for some support. Additionally, most university counseling centers offer their services absolutely free (you pay for it with your tuition), so there's a bit of a load off your financial back.\n\nBeing depressed for the first time can be really scary, especially if it doesn't resolve itself on it's own. Often times you blame yourself, and it becomes a cycle of increasing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of energy. Now is the best time for you to reach out. \n\nHoping the best for you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5114e4", "comment_id": "d78h6i2"}, {"question": "Calling all married Redditors", "description": "I am getting married on Saturday, and I'm trying to reach out to the married couples/people that I know for advice. If you had to pick the best piece of advice for a newly married couple, what would it be? ", "answer": "Alway assume the other person has the best intentions. Let the small stuff go. Never stop being considerate or doing small gestures \"just because.\" Check in with your partner every few months to see if they are getting what they need emotionally/physically from you. Always say thank you and show appreciation-- especially for the small stuff. Never bad mouth your partner or make them feel small in public. Be one team against the world. You deal with your relatives and they deal with their relatives, and butt out of it for the rest. Never bad talk their relatives no matter how fucked up they are. Many people make the mistake of trying to fix their partner's problems when the partner just wants a kind ear or vice versa When you're unsure, ask. Repeat back to your partner what you think they are asking of you-- you will often times find that you had it wrong at first. When you are wrong, admit it and apologize. When your partner is wrong don't keep harping on it or holding it over their head. \n\nDon't bring past fights into new fights. Both people in an argument can be \"right\", there doesn't have to be someone who is wrong. Figure out how your partner wants to be loved (love language) and do things that will make them happy. Find out what is important to your partner and make sure you respect that/cultivate an interest in that. Share chores and responsibilities and money. Don't be stingy with affection and don't keep accounts of wrongs done. Don't withhold affection as \"punishment\" for misdeeds. Put each other first. \n\nIf you find yourself with a wandering eye or waning affection, get help immediately-- too many couples treat therapy as a last ditch life support effort for their relationship instead of as routine preventative care. Don't assume that things won't change-- attractions, interests, responsibilities, health, etc. will change over the years-- discuss preemptively how you will deal with those things. \n\nNever treat your partner with contempt, that is the death knell of a relationship. Don't just float through marriage thinking things will take care of themselves-- everything in life needs regular maintenance. Make time for each other, especially during those moments when time is the hardest to find because that's when you'll need it the most.\n\n/a marriage therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2dl040", "comment_id": "cjqp6ew"}, {"question": "My SO (31/M) doesn't want to live with me (30/F); is this potentially a red flag?", "description": "Been with my boyfriend for two years as of yesterday. We met at work (still work together) and when we started dating he was going through a divorce. They were not married for very long but they dated and quickly moved in together and then were engaged within a year. Lots of fights about money during their marriage and then she decided to leave him after about two years or so. \n\nFrom our first date, we were basically exclusive and knew it would be something serious. In a lot of ways, his divorce has never impacted us. He has never been distant or seems like he needed space or had insecurities about me because of his ex. He has always told me we were something long term.\n\nHowever, I find that we never discuss the future as it regards to us as a couple. He will either talk about super far off events, like our retirement, or closer events, like a trip a few months out. But we don't talk about moving in or marriage (and to be clear, I don't want to get married right now but I am more using it as an example since it is a pretty commonplace conversation). I have mentioned wanting to live together and he has expressed that it worries him because of his past bad experiences. This was a few months ago. \n\nHis lease will be up soon so instead of badgering him about it I figure I will let him bring it up when it is time for him to decide on signing for another year. But institutionally, I think he will not want to live together. Part of me can see that some of these actions are him being gun shy from the divorce, especially since he had no time on his own after it was over and I want to be supportive of that. I know a lot of people say they are more cautious and move slower in their next relationship. And if it really is just that I could wait another year to live together. \n\nBut another side of me can't help but wonder if I am holding on for something that really has to do with me. I know he loves and cares for me but maybe something in him doesn't want to move forward with me specifically. We already spend five nights a week together and I wonder if he isn't ready to live with me by now, would more time really make a difference? I feel like he did everything for the ex wife-moved her in, married her, moved to another state so she could be with her family, bought her a dog, etc etc and here we are at two years with no real progress. I can't help but to take it personally and I am not sure if I should or if I am just being overly sensitive. \n\nDoes this sound like it is something I should worry about or just a guy taking his time after a bad experience? And I know people will tell me to talk to him, and I plan to once he makes his decision about the lease because I feel like that is a good lead in. Right now, I am just looking for some objective opinions. \n\nThank you!", "answer": "if you want the next level and he doesn't, that's a problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zcd3h", "comment_id": "dex2mnh"}, {"question": "Understanding emetophobia", "description": "Hi there! I'm a clinical psychology PhD candidate researcher at the University of Pennsylvania and Penn State College of Medicine. I study eating disorders in populations that are usually overlooked by traditional eating disorder researchers. In my clinical work, I have treated adults and kids with severe, disabling emetophobia and seen how this disorder can affect people, but as you probably know, there\u2019s a lack of research on this disorder.\nWith my colleague Andrea Rigby (AndreaRG) at Penn State, I\u2019m developing a new questionnaire to measure thoughts and feelings linked to emetophobia. Our ultimate goal in developing this questionnaire is to identify thoughts and behaviors that maintain this fear and that could be targeted in exposure-based psychotherapy. You don\u2019t have to have emetophobia to take the survey, but if you do, we are extremely interested in your feedback on our questions.\n\nHere\u2019s the link to our survey: https://pennstate.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_78mEzlDnGPyjFAx\nContent warning for the survey: There are no graphic descriptions, but the items do ask about situations and experiences that people with emetophobia find really frightening and upsetting. The words v**** and n*******, and the phrase s****** v**** are used throughout. \n\nThis is a voluntary research study; there is no compensation or direct benefit. Your responses will be completely anonymous. Responses to the survey will not be linked to your Reddit username, and you will not be asked to provide any identifying information.\n\nIt should take about 30-45 minutes to answer all the questions; if you decide to give us feedback within the survey, it will take longer. If you have any questions about the survey, about emetophobia, or about eating concerns, or anything that you\u2019d like to ask privately, please feel free to email me at zickgraf@sas.upenn.edu, or message me on Reddit. I\u2019ll also try to monitor this thread and respond to any questions or comments here. Legally, I can\u2019t give clinical or medical advice, but I can point you towards helpful resources and strategies, and answer questions about how emetophobia treatment works!\nThank you in advance for your help!\nHana Zickgraf\n\n\nETA: More accurate estimate of survey time. It's longer than we anticipated, so thanks again to anyone willing to take the time!\n", "answer": "Hi fellow future psychologist! I\u2019m currently in a PsyD program. Just took the survey!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7z7az9", "comment_id": "dvjfire"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [21M] keeps going to his family with our problems", "description": "Recently we have been having difficulties with our relationship because of me I'll admit. I see him do certain things that just causes him problems (he get mad at his dog when the dog messes up the house so he refuses to take it to the park and in turn the dog keeps all that energy and destroys more things. The dog is on Prozac and NEEDS to go out and run, not stay in an apartment, he's always late for everything because he just has no time management skills and I try to tell him what to do so this doesn't keep being a problem etc.) so he tells his family and in turn his mom persistently messages me and bothers me about it.\nI tell him that this bothers me because it's just going to make the situation so messy. When I tell him it bothers me he says \"well I just don't know what to tell you because they're my family I talk to them about this kind of stuff it's something we do.\" I get that it's his support system and that his friends just won't help him with stuff like this but he doesn't seem to get what the problem is.\nIn my family we do talk about our problems but my mom and dad have always just resolved things between themselves. Is it bad for me to ask him not to talk about problems between us with his mom dad and step mom? \n\nTldr: boyfriend keeps talking about his problems with his family and his mom gets involved and I don't think it's ok.", "answer": "you're right. he needs to grow up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vltj", "comment_id": "do1g3la"}, {"question": "I just need advice..[f,23] (conflicted)", "description": "I recently tried anal with my boyfriend and we both enjoyed it and have used a butt plug as well. I asked him to use the butt plug and my small vibrator on me at the same time and of course I wanted to have sex as well. He flat out said no and gave me no reason why. Am I asking too much?? Is it too weird?? I still wanna try it and I even wanna be hand cuffed and blind folded but I don't think it'll ever be more than a fantasy...", "answer": "\"Hey, I'm sorry if I pushed there, but you just shut down and it's freaking me out. Can we talk about what's happening?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dy81r", "comment_id": "di6bcqv"}, {"question": "Adult reading resources", "description": "Hey guys, my mom has always been embarrassed talking and reading in front of people because she has a hard time formulating the correct sounds. I've been trying to find books and websites for her to use to help her phonics, but every source seems to be for children. I don't want her to feel like a child when she's reading these books. I'm just looking for any help in finding resources for adults to grow their reading skills. Please help if you can! ", "answer": "Consider having her screened for dyslexia.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7nokh8", "comment_id": "ds3jxh3"}, {"question": "My fiance has waited for my divorce to be final. It happened today. He accused me of filing fake papers.", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I had a rocky start. We have been much better these days. However, he is paranoid. Chronically paranoid.\n\nMy divorce has taken 3 years to finish and today was the final day. It\u2019s done. I didn\u2019t go to court, my ex did, since it was uncontested at that point. We have done a lot of mediation to get here.\n\nI have been telling my fianc\u00e9 that it\u2019s done \u2014 almost done \u2014 getting done \u2014 for awhile. My ex\u2019s lawyers were slow and no one was in a hurry because there really wasn\u2019t any money at stake. It was indeed driving me crazy too.\n\nSo I stopped promising and just texted my fianc\u00e9 today and said \u201cit\u2019s finally done. My ex just left the court. I\u2019m officially divorced\u201d\n\nHe said \u201coh, yah. Good to know.\u201d He said he was going to be calling the court for a certified copy. He admitted to me last month that he called the court weekly to see what was or was not happening with the divorce.\n\nThen about an hour after this \u2014 he was leaving the house and he called and said some cops were in the cul da sac talking in their cars.\n\nHe said your location wasn\u2019t working on your iPhone well today, cops in the cul da sac and your ex was at court.\n\nWhat\u2019s really going on here? Did you or he try to put a restraining order on me?\n\nI said OMG. Are you kidding me right now? He said anything is possible with me. (I did put a restraining order on him in the first year we were together because he had a temper and was threatening me. But we obviously worked things out).\n\nBut I was just like\u2026.wow. I take 10 steps forward and 22 back\u2026when he talks like this to me.\n\nI am about to head home and I\u2019m not in a good frame of mind. I am actually sad about the divorce. I have a son and it really does hurt. \n\nI can\u2019t talk to my fianc\u00e9 about that. But it\u2019s tough. My ex is now nice to me and we are good parents. But, I am sad to say the least. I feel a lot of regret.\n\nIs any of this and/or my feelings normal?\n\n", "answer": "impossible to have a healthy rel. with someone like him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yi4d3", "comment_id": "dmnj8w7"}, {"question": "Numb", "description": "Just got out of a lengthy and rough episode. Now instead of being actively sad/suicidal it\u2019s passive. I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m suppressing my emotions, or dealing with them. I still think very negatively, but it doesn\u2019t bother me. Guess I\u2019m numb and empty, which is better than depressed and broken. \n\nFirst time poster, big fan of this sub.", "answer": "I feel you. The same thing just happened to me actually. Went through a really rough phase and was feeling empty for a few weeks. But now I\u2019m starting to perk up. Maybe you need some time for your brain to adjust. Try doing things that you enjoy and lots of self care. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9tnja4", "comment_id": "e8xmz5v"}, {"question": "Does anyone here work with addicts?", "description": "I'm a 23 year old female, I've have been using for 8 years. \n\n\nI don't know where else to ask or post to, but I have a question regarding subutex because i know no doctors are going to believe me. \n Everytime I've waited 24+ hours I never have taken it before that and I have only taken them a few times in my life (because of this) but I'm really trying to get sober so I decided to try to get on them and get help. You have to wait 48 hours before they'll dose you where I go, amd since it was a weekend I did nothing all Saturday and all sunday. \n When I got dosed, my skin got really really hot, and I started feeling even worse than the Saturday and Sunday combined, and I know it doesn't sound right and it isn't right but every single time I have tried to do this, this happens and they just think that I'm lying about not using. I really didn't use for the 2 days and I was proud too but then to take the little 8mg strip and start to withdrawal doesn't make any sense they make you wait 2 days so they know for sure it's all out of your system for sure. \n So I don't know, has anyone else either dealt with this or know what could be happening? Other options that wouldn't do this other than methadone? I don't know the full difference between suboxone strips and the subutex pills or if the same thing would happen trying to get on those, but sense they don't believe that I didn't use I have to wait another 2 days and I guess just hope that it won't be the same.. I'm not sure what to do honestly I just want to get better and be better.", "answer": "The time depends on what you use, which you haven't specified. When you first take Suboxone, you need to be feeling like you are already in withdrawal. Not the worst possible withdrawal, but you need to already be quite uncomfortable or the Suboxone will make you be in withdrawal and uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frrru8", "comment_id": "fly3f9c"}, {"question": "SO BORED!", "description": "I'm going crazy because NOTHING is interesting me. It's been like this for days and I don't know what to do. I have over 20 video games and I can only stand to play 1 for a few minutes before I become overwhelmed with boredom. I don't want to be creative. I don't want to listen to music. I don't want to scroll through Facebook or Reddit.\n\nI just don't know what to do!\n\nI am really hungry though, no matter how much I eat.\n\nWhat is going on??? Anyone else know what this feels like? I'm going crazy.", "answer": "Read a book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8tmmzc", "comment_id": "e18pj7y"}, {"question": "Thanksgiving food suggestions?", "description": "I know thanksgiving is probably a lot of our least favorite holiday, but I was wondering if anyone has a favorite thanksgiving food or something they like to eat on thanksgiving? \n\nMy family regularly has Mac and cheese with our dinner as that is all I will eat but I\u2019m really really trying to expand my food and would be willing to try a new food at thanksgiving (just not turkey, I\u2019ve tried it and can\u2019t)", "answer": "Mashed potatoes for me.", "topic": "ARFID", "post_id": "e1ok31", "comment_id": "f8qwcrx"}, {"question": "Tips please <3", "description": "Has anyone got any handy tips to get me started tomorrow? I'm a binge/less often purge person so I put weight on when my bulimia is at it's worst. I can binge 12+ times a week and purge maybe only 4. So the calories add up and I gain weight and feel terrible. I'm concerned I'm on the brink of diabetes. I did really well last year and this with the fear of having to fit into a wedding dress losing 4 stone and controlling my urges. \n\nBut now that that's done my weight has started going up and I'm B/Ping every day sometimes multiple times. I've got no control over it again and tell myself every day \"tomorrow is the day\" for getting back on it.\n\nDesperately seeking tips from those in remission please!!", "answer": "I\u2019d say calling your therapist and remember that a healthy bride is better than a size 00 bride.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "chc8mr", "comment_id": "eurhzxi"}, {"question": "[28/m] left by the love of my life [23/f], advice needed.", "description": "Throwaway account.\n\nAbout 3 weeks ago the girl I wanted to marry broke up with me. Reasons given were my mental absence and lack of attention. She isn't wrong. I've felt some unexplained melancholy for a few months, but nothing I ever perceived as relationship-ending.\n\n\nLooking back I realize what I did wrong, but she won't acknowledge that someone my age is capable of change. I've seen her twice and talked to her a few times since the break up and she's been uncharacteristically cold and void of emotion, except for telling me she still loves me and will always care for me, however won't give me another chance.\n\nShe will be traveling out of the country for 3 months tomorrow and there's a good chance I will never see her again unless I try to. I intend to continue the plans we had and also move out of the country soon.\n\nI am completely heartbroken and have no direction to follow right now. I was going to propose in September. My world is shattered and I'm currently incapable of imagining life without her.\n\nThank you for reading, any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "very sad. surround yourself with people who love you and keep busy doing things you love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6i6l87", "comment_id": "dj3tng1"}, {"question": "How do I stop getting angry about the past?", "description": "People have told me to forgive and just move on but it\u2019s so hard. I\u2019ve gotten better, but sometimes something reminds me of it and I get angry all over again. How do I move on from something that still affects me. I used to be confident and overall a good spirited person and then when I was betrayed, my confidence went straight to shit and I\u2019m such an angry and bitter person now. I hate it so much and I want to move on but I don\u2019t know how.\n\nEdit: Wow, I didn\u2019t expect so many responses but I just want to thank every single one of you for your comments because I feel a lot more at ease and hopeful. Thank you so so much \u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "Our brains are wired to remember negative events more strongly. \n\nFlip the script for a moment - can you tell us about some of your strengths? What's going good for you right now? What/who are you thankful for?\n\nTake some time to reflect on the positive stuff too. It won't make the bad thoughts go away. But it's important in these moments to remember *who you are*. You are not your past. Who are you now? Who do you want to be?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ghri8k", "comment_id": "fqbdbu2"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I think it's good practice to give a quick greeting in passing to just about anyone so long as they make eye contact, even strangers. \n\n\nIt may be anxiety producing at first but will work wonders in helping you overcome social anxiety. On top of that, if you ever wanted to spark up a conversation with anyone, it's much easier after they've seen you around and you've greeted them, even if it's just a quick \"hello\" \"good morning\" \"hey, what's up?\" \n\nSome folks may find this off putting, but honestly, that's just usually because they're jealous of your confidence to do this or their own social anxiety is getting the best of them. More often than not, people will just see you as being polite, friendly, and confident. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7qb1w", "comment_id": "ec4zlbs"}, {"question": "Final update to the random text.", "description": "Thank you all so much for your opinions. The vocal majority of you were correct. I can't trust her being here if I'm 5 hours away. So I'm done. I told her that exact thing and she took it about as I expected her to take it. I think it's time for a drink.\n\nThank you all again for your insight. It's been a shit day, so thanks for having my back.\n\n-rwpctech", "answer": "Good choice", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1jzu8l", "comment_id": "cbjzohi"}, {"question": "Something is wrong with me and I can't figure it out (mental health, biological problem potentially)", "description": " In the most basic of senses I can say that my problem is a mixture of a mental health and something I THINK is a biological problem. I have different things that have happened to me in the past 5-6 months I dont know if they are connected or not but have been making my mental health worst and worst. I have seen my doctor three times on the matter and have found nothing physically wrong with me. But, there is something wrong. I have never had a history of mental health problems, not allergic to anything, never took medications, hell never even broken a bone in my body. But during the summer something in me began to change for the worst. While I was in vegas in august my sense of smell got considerably worst, Id say cut in half in terms of how well I was able to smell. I found it strange, but i shrugged it off, thinking that it would fix itself eventually. about a month after that, is when it really got bad. I went to a bar with my friend on a weekend, got pretty drunk, but the next morning I woke up feeling very dizzy and completely out of it. I was not hung over, I have had plenty of hangovers in my life and this felt nothing like it. My vision was slightly blurry and when I would turn my head sort of quickly my vision would be slightly double. I was still me but my emotions felt very stonelike. This lasted for half the day and then went away ( I realize this sounds exactly like a hangover, but believe me I didn't drink anywhere near the amount that it take to give me a hangover the night before ). two days later I woke up feeling the same way and this time it didn't go away. From when I woke up to when I went to sleep every day for a week I felt this way. I saw my doctor as I was terrified I had some terrible disease like brain cancer or something like that, but after a full round of blood tests and urine tests were done with a full physical she found nothing. I saw her a second time a week later because the symptoms were still effecting me, this time she sent me to get an MRI, and ofcourse, they found nothing. After this I saw her one more time on the matter to which she had nothing more to add. By this time the dizziness faded but I still felt INCREDIBLY weird. I was still me, my memory was still there, I would still laugh at things but I felt as if I was slightly in a dream. While this whole thing happened I ended up dropping my classes for the semester and ended up working for my dad which at first was agonizing because I was working as a low voltage electrician ( I had worked for him in the past and I knew what I was doing ) and this recent problem had basically turned me upside down psychologically, plus I still felt physically strange, like I was 10% numb in my body, extremely weird sensation, almost as if I was on a light amount of a pain killer. But eventually I got used to working with it and I ended up kind of feeling kinda normal for the month that I worked there. After the job was finished I've been at my parents house not really doing much, and within the past week i've been feeling physically strange again, like heavily strange. I've partially got the dizziness back and the weird numbing sensation like i'm on pain pills. This has effected me TREMENDOUSLY psychologically, because of all this i've been feeling very very detatched from reality, i've had constant anxiety and stress ( for the first time in my life while going through this i've had a panic attack, if you know me you know that I am always the calm and collected type and im very good at controlling my anxiety levels, but whatever this is is really hitting me hard). I feel like i'm going insane sometimes and frankly the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life is making me have bad thoughts. Though I'd absolutely never commit suicide because of my view on suicide, all I can think about is release from whatever this is. I tried talking to my parents about this and at first they brushed it off, then they got worried, but after the MRI and the blood tests turned nothing up they brushed me off saying it was all in my head. I strongly believe that there is something biologically going on here, I've been depressed in the past and have had really bad anxiety before when I was younger, but I've never felt the sensations I've been going through for the past 4 months before in my life. I'm absolutely terrified that this will never end. I am a 22 year old man who very rarely sheds a tear over anything, but last night I cried my eyes out in my bed because of how scared I am. I just need help and I feel like I'm not getting it from my doctor, I feel like she doesn't really understand that I am going through something. This has completely halted my life in every way possible. I was going to school and working and was set on a good path. But since this has started it's been constantly on my mind. To be completely honest I have messed around with drugs in my life. I normally don't ever bring this up but in this case I want to put everything on the table. I have never abused any drug in my life, merely sampled. The only one I have abused was marijuana in the past but I smoke it far and few between now adays. I have taken shrooms on multiple occasions but I spread them out to once maybe twice a year. I have also dabbled in ecstasy in the past when I would go to clubs but would maybe do it 3 or 4 times within a year for two years or so. A month before the smelling issue came to light for me ( which still hasn't gotten better) I was at a major EDM event and I had taken 4 pressed pills within two days. I was fried, and frankly I swore off every doing molly or ecstasy after that ever again. I don't know if this has anything to do with what is affecting me now but like I said I want to throw everything out there. Honestly I just want to return to normality. I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions since this had begun. I have been trying to brush it all off, saying that it will go away eventually if I just don't pay attention to it and try to live my life normally, but I can't, it is always there in the back of my mind nagging at me. Yesterday I just tried to come to terms that this is my life now and that I need to get used to it. But I don't think I can. \nP.S. if you read all this then you are a champ and I thank you. This is a cry for help but also a way to vent. I just need others opinions on this. Thank you!", "answer": "Honestly, I struggled to read that wall of text!\n\nThe doc seems to have ruled out any major pathology. I suspect that your stress/distress levels are through the roof! Maybe if you can get that under control you might start to feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5idq3h", "comment_id": "db7i5ym"}, {"question": "She [22/f] is depressed and I [22/m] don't know what to do", "description": "I [22/m] am a college student and the only source of income making 15k/yr with no savings and my girlfriend [22/f] who has a bachelors degree is currently supporting us with her savings, which is safe to say substantially more than mine. She recently quit her last job because of reasons and now she is in between jobs. For the past couple weeks she has been sleepy and sad, watching lots of tv and reading. We have gone out to do some things and she really enjoys her time. Our sex is great and we enjoy living with each other with little bickering throughout the day. We don't fight too much. However, when I try to talk to her about looking for a job or a few other serious conversations, she shuts down and gets mad at me. I have a temper that is hard to keep down sometimes, but for all that I remained fairly calm. She has a hard time hearing what she doesn't want to hear. She asked me two weeks ago to not talk to her about looking for a job, and for these weeks I haven't until today when I mentioned that I haven't said anything for this time (which is always a sure way to make someone have feelings). Today she asked me to leave her alone so I have. \n\nI have struggled with major depression for some years and it has been difficult. When we first moved into our new apartment at the beginning of the year, tension was high and she had an anxiety attack. I was upset and slammed my head on a doorframe...which made blood pour down my face...which of course didn't make things better. I am now seeing a therapist.\n\nHer mom died from cancer a few years ago, and even before that, was thoroughly bullied in middle school and has had anxiety issues since then.\n\nI am not mad at her and do not wish to be mean, but I'm worried about the money she has and using it to pay for so much of everything. I contribute nearly 100% of the money I make, but where we live is expensive, and even with a third roommate in the apartment, I still couldn't afford to live in it with out her. I want her to do well and not spend too much savings on us living together.\n\nPlease help. I don't know what to do. I love her so so much.", "answer": "she should see a therapist too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vkzgj", "comment_id": "de2wnp0"}, {"question": "How to deal with well-meaning friends that think you can drink?", "description": "When I talk to a lot of friends family etc I get a lot of \u201cyou don\u2019t have to totally quit, everything is fine in moderation, you\u2019re not even that bad, etc\u201d. I\u2019m not sure why. I think it\u2019s part that they might be pretty bad too and are in sort of a denial about how bad drinking is in general. Also for some of them they might not know how bad this stuff impacts me. And for some they don\u2019t realize how mad I get at myself when I do it. They think I could just go out, have a few, have a good time and then move on the next day whereas my drinking is hardly ever like that. But it\u2019s tempting to believe them and want to give it a shot. To want to believe that I can drink socially and enjoy it and not overdo it. Any advice for getting that idea out of my head and not letting these people sway me? To better focus on enjoying my day and being social even if it doesn\u2019t involve alcohol?", "answer": "I explained it to the people I\u2019m close to. I told them about what my relationship with alcohol was really like and how miserable it made me. Once they understood that, everyone has been really supportive. The way I see it, if I care enough about someone to choose to spend time with them, I care enough to give them the full story about my drinking. \n\nI don\u2019t really spend much time with acquaintances anymore, because they were really all just drinking buddies.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dk7qqx", "comment_id": "f4g40tp"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I do :)\n\nI have to admit, after medication I became a better psychologist. But I did it without medication well anyway. The only thing it really I pacts is my ability to follow the whole conversation, not just aspects. On meds I can remember what they've said, notice their affect, do something with it all and reflect it in a way that makes sense.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ij8jl4", "comment_id": "g3c3uq1"}, {"question": "[27/m] in a normal marriage?", "description": "Trying to figure out if this is normal behavior. My first thought is no. I'm going to keep this short.\n\nMarried for 4 years. \n\nI'm a guy and compared to women, I forget things or don't do things \"correctly\". I also don't have certain things at the top of my priority list as women do. So, inevitably due to this husbands and wives get into arguments, and I understand arguments happen. I would like to know how a normal argument happens.\n\nIn my situation, my wife will get so irate she curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nI'm not a yeller, so most of the time I sit there and shut down because I'm pissed about the disrespect that is taking place.\n\nQuestion 1: (a)How often do you get into major(yelling/cursing/name calling) fights? (b) Do you both yell, or just one side?\n\nQuestion 2: When your wife gets upset over something, ei: not meeting her emotional needs or being on the same page, is it normal for her to berate you with names/cursing/yelling?\n\nQuestion 3: Has your wife ever hit you? or hit you with something?", "answer": "curses, yells, belittles, and name calls.\n\nall are emotional abuse and should never happen. go to counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u5lip", "comment_id": "dlq8hpw"}, {"question": "I am worried that my roommate will kill himself soon and I am not sure what to do.", "description": "I'm not asking for advice on how to deal with a depressed person. Been there and done that with this guy a million times over. I've known him for 4 years and lived with him for 2, most of which he has been depressed. **I'm asking for advice on how to deal with someone who might kill himself in the next month or two. **\n\nAt one point he quit his job on a whim. That, and a few other behavioral changes indicated to me that he was in the \"danger zone\" and might kill himself soon, like within that month. I got a bunch of friends to sit down and speak with him. He said he benefitted from that. Knowing people cared made a difference, and while he revealed that he did have a suicide plan, having a group of friends instead of just me talking to him about it gave him a push to get another job and start making some improvements.\n\nHe's slumped back though, and while he still has his new job and he meets routinely with the same group of friends to talk about stuff, his behavior has slipped into \"danger zone\" again. Not only that but our lease ends soon and he made clear he wants to move out and live on his own. We can never get him to come hang out. If he were to live alone he would barely ever see people, and that doesn't seem safe given the state he is in.\n\nI don't expect that he would have a huge manic breakdown that would indicate to me that I had to call the cops and have him hospitalized. I think if he were to follow through with this, I wouldn't have much more indication from him than I am already having.\n\nHe has said before that he doesn't want to see a professional.\n\nWhat, if anything, can I do to prevent this? If it matters (as far as resources available) go, he is gay and ex-navy.", "answer": "Does he have access to any firearms? This is extremely important. \n\nYou sound like a great friend, he's lucky to have you right now. Try to maintain that connection and let him know he's cared about. \n\nCan you describe any of the other behaviors that stood out as odd to you? Does he drink/use drugs? ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "64546l", "comment_id": "dfzjn9e"}, {"question": "I'm so done with being called weird. It hurts.", "description": "I'm an extrovert by nature. When I was younger I loved talking with new people and i never had an issue making friends.\nAs I got older, starting in my late teens and early twenties it's like people changed, suddenly I was weird. I really don't know what is weird about me and over time I've closed myself off to making friends and the idea of talking with new people is painful.\n\nMaybe I'm too comfortable saying what I really feel, or maybe the things I talk about are just odd. I don't know, I just wish people saw that I'm 100% and I'm kind and I really want to know the real stuff and I'm not interested in the stupid fluff people say and do to look cool. I see right through it and I'm just not good at playing along. \n\nany suggestions ?", "answer": "Weird is subjective. If you really like anime and are surrounded by people who hate it, you'll be labeled weird. If you go to an anime convention and you're a person who doesn't like anything having to do with Japanese culture, you'll be labeled as weird. \n\n\nEveryone is weird to someone else. My suggestion is to figure out exactly who you are and find YOUR people. Spend more of your time and energy doing this instead of trying to make people who aren't your people accept you for who you are.\n\nThis is really tough for kids/teens when they obviously don't have the option/freedom to just pick up and move or travel when the people in there are no or few people like them in their immediate vicinity. As an adult... there's nothing stopping you from doing this but yourself.\n\nThis sort of reminds me of my favorite Jack Kerouac quote : \u201c[...]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes \u201cAwww!\u201d", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv76t", "comment_id": "fdryexv"}, {"question": "Cancer but not cancer", "description": "Age:73\nSex: F\nHeight: 5'5\", weight: 150\nSmoker of a pack a day \nDuration 2 months\nSymptoms: none\nMedications:N/A\n\nHow common is it for someone to be referred for surgery by a pulmonologist for lung cancer based only on a PET scan without a biopsy or any further testing. The nodule did show up on PET scan, but just barely and not as expected from cancer (from doctor's description). Doctor said, \"It's cancer until we prove it's not\".", "answer": "There's a difference between the doctor saying \"it's definitely cancer until we know it isn't\" and \"we have to treat it like it could be cancer until we know it isn't.\" If it's the latter, that explains the invasive workup.\n\nDepending on what's seen and the location, it may take a surgeon going in quite invasively to get a biopsy and know what it is. If the mass is small enough and deep enough, a VATS resection will both remove whatever it is and, since it's now retrieved, allow pathologists to confirm whether it's cancer or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhcwvg", "comment_id": "elru6so"}, {"question": "Does this sound like ADHD?", "description": "Age - 21\nSex - M\n\nI can't focus on my homework or pay attention in class, I can't sit at my desk for more than 20 minutes without having the urge to lay down, I overthink everything, and I sleep a lot so I can shut off my mind. Does this sound like ADHD?\n", "answer": "Not really. Still, what are you like at home?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sali9", "comment_id": "dlbm3xh"}, {"question": "1,083 days, the longest consecutive period of sobriety I've ever had. Thank you SD!", "description": "I just wanted to say hey real quick and check in. I'm doing good just trying to take it one day at a time, and not say or do anything that I'd need to make amends for. That's the second most important thing I need to do every day, the first thing being don't drink today for any reason good or bad. I'm so grateful to have found this sub, I'm a different person today because of SD, this sub has gotten me through really difficult times without drinking. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping me sober. Have a great day everyone!", "answer": "Wow. Congrats--that's a lot of days!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5zrml1", "comment_id": "df0i76m"}, {"question": "My girlfriend believes that therapy won't help her. Is she right?", "description": "My girlfriend lives with a toxic household that has been unhealthy her whole life. Her mental health is not doing well as a result of traumatic things that have happened to her in the household, not to mention her family constantly arguing every day and asshole siblings. Some of these mental health things affect our relationship negatively, not to mention it's unhealthy for her overall.\n\nShe is very aware of these things, and acknowledges that they are unhealthy. She deals with these emotions by deflecting it with activities that calm her or make her happy. She believes that therapy won't have an effect on her unless she moves out as she would still be exposed to her toxic family. Is she right? \n\nAlso, is there anything I as her boyfriend can help her with her emotions? Especially now when she can't leave her house often due to COVID-19.", "answer": "In some ways she is right. Therapy won't change her situation. Some people definitely feel better having an outside person they can trust and talk to. Some people benefit from strategies for dealing with circumstances outside their control.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnaq51", "comment_id": "fxa9qfg"}, {"question": "I blocked all my feminist friends on Facebook and I can't tell them why.", "description": "Last year I was frequently verbally berated, beaten, and raped by my (now ex) boyfriend. I still have panic attacks and flashbacks at night and during sex. I've been smoking cigarettes and hurting myself frequently ever since I left him. I haven't told anyone. I can't trust anyone. I want to die all the time. \n\nSome of my friends/acquaintances from high school are diehard feminists. It's very cool; I am too. However, they post daily articles about sexual assault, catcalling, domestic abuse, etc., and it's extremely painful for me. Awareness is great, and I would appreciate their efforts a lot more if I didn't have this baggage. But at this point, I just can't stand to read another article about sad, broken women, because I don't want to remember how sad and broken I am.", "answer": "I'm very sorry about what you went through. I highly doubt we are Facebook friends but I'm sorry for what I have posted regardless. I was sexually assaulted twice within the past year and I just want others to come forward with their crimes and realize that these things happen, and we need to change how things are.\n\nHowever, I'm very sorry regardless and you deserve to not have to read those articles if you don't want to. It's good you took a stand at the very least to make yourself more sane. I hope you can reach out to someone about what happened: A friend, family member, therapist, the internet, or even me. Remember you did not deserve what happened to you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2lpn3j", "comment_id": "clxm9lw"}, {"question": "After 9 years of homelessness I have a roof over my head and feel good.", "description": "I am 30 years old man from germany with abitur and have been homeless since 2011, that is until last febuary. I guess I have mental health issues but im not in therapy at the moment, the current situation put that a bit on the back burner. But in the past I hated myself and attempted to end my life on a handfull of occasions, getting always closer to breaking and doing it.\n\nMaybe three month ago I was approched by a social worker and he helped me find my way to a home for young men in rough situations in just a couple of weeks. It is still hard to belive how easy that was. For about a month and a half I just kinda houng out and got acclimated but kept some of my old habbits up (not drugs, just kinda being aimless). With Corona crashing the party, I spend all of my time at home and lazed around.\n\nBut this week I started to work in the extensive garden. Planting crops, installing watering systems and stuff. Today I planted 100+ onions, waterd some salat and cleaned up a volleyball field. I felt good doing that. Then I had myself a nice cold shower and sat down to write this. Im happy right now. Im happy that I enjoyed work. I put the fear that all this shit in my life was because Im just lazy behind me. I enjoy working. Im crying.", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your life story with us! it takes courage to reflect on how we've handled our lives. I'm glad you are in this place now. As they say, not all days will be of glory. For me, the important thing is remembering that you might not be okay today, but tomorrow you will. \n\nHave compassion with your process. You've got this. And seek therapy!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fxrjqw", "comment_id": "fmxblm9"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe is classic BPD. But it's very common to have comorbid disorders -- mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, eating dis, OCD, substance abuse, ...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eolla7t"}, {"question": "How do I make my family understand?", "description": "Why I cant holdor get a job. Why a freak out sometimes. Why I do drugs to numb the pain.\n\nPTSD from severe childhood molestation. From age 6-11. Anxiety disorder. Major Depression. Drug addiction. Treatment resistant. \n\nI live with and am supported by my parents. I have 4 serious suicide attempts. 3 cry for help attempts. 3 rehabs. numerous doctors, counselors ect. Currently on Seroquel, kolonopin and gabapentin. methadone clinic as well to treat my heroin addiction. \n\nParents are fucking saints. They pay for it all even though I am 28. They try to help but just don't quite get it. It would be easier if I had cancer. Something physical they could understand. Instead I have cancer of the mind. So I had a psychotic break 4 days ago. Family is pissed hurt scared ashamed ect. I am just over it. Ready to die or at least leave there lives so they have peace. \n\nWhat do I do to make them realize I am in pain. That I love them enough to leave them? What do I do?", "answer": "Have your parents ever attended an appointment with you (therapist or psychiatrist) to get some psychoeducation? Seems like the first step. I think family therapy could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l9z3t", "comment_id": "dbu8w5c"}, {"question": "Has anyone seen their appetite increase on Adderall", "description": "I was dx a little over 7 years ago and put on Adderall. For the first month, I had no appetite at all. For the first time in my entire life, people told me \u201cyou need to eat!\u201d lol \n\nAfter that first month, not only did my appetite come back, it was bigger than ever! I\u2019ve gained over 40 pounds since then! \n\nHas anyone else had this happen?", "answer": "Some days it is worse. I notice during my period even my medication can\u2019t keep me from craving snacks and eating them. As a result I am not keeping easy snacks in my house.", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "jhm8hd", "comment_id": "gbhff1i"}, {"question": "Mixed signals from my crush.", "description": "So basically I've been friends with this guy for three years now. We sometimes will have sex sometimes we won't. (Would say it's like fuck buddies but it's more than that.). Anyway, he lives three hours away so it's hard to make anything work, and we've decided to just see what happens and not rush into anything.\n\nI mailed him some weed brownies , and he FaceTime called me to thank me. He told me when he would be back in town, we talked for a little bit and that was all. Pretty casual, which is pretty usual for our \"relationship\". (Which is completely fine because that's what we agreed upon. Until he lives closer we just don't see it working. We both don't want to do long distance.)\n\nToday he posted a Snapchat of a screenshot of a text to his mom and it said this. \"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. You're the only woman I need!\"\n\nLike... am I a piece of baloney? I'm assuming he's just being a stupid boy and not thinking about it, but still. It just hurt a little. Am I being too sensitive and over reacting?", "answer": "he doesn't see you as special or a girlfriend, so you might have a decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u3czf", "comment_id": "ddr0vnp"}, {"question": "How do I respond to \"Your sister is very pretty\"?", "description": "So, I get a lot of compliments about my sister, like \"your sister is gorgeous\" and so on. How do I respond to this kind of compliments?\nDo I approve? Do I say \"well yeah\"? \nIt always ends up in an awkward situation.\n\nSide facts: \nI am male myself\n\"I\" get those compliments from girls and guys", "answer": "Either shrug or give them a look and go \"dude, that's my sister\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5hx0dv", "comment_id": "db3utum"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. How are you doing ? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "dzm2rfs"}, {"question": "We both work from home and my[32/M] wife[31/F] is too clingy all the time", "description": "We both work from home and mostly stay at home all the time.\n\n\nShe wants 90% of our free time to do everything together. \n\nI can't even remember last 'ME' day where i relaxed doing what i want. Yeah i get couple of hours a day super tired 2-3hrs before sleep.\n\nIts gotten to a point where i stay up 3hrs later than here to get some space.\n\nProblem is she wakes me up early, 30min or at best 1hr after she is up, because she is was \"bored\".\n\nAnd it is gotten worse lately, i can barely do my work (website design) uninterrupted.\n\nYeah we talked (and fought) about this, here reasoning is that she gets extremely lonely when im not with her.\n\nwe'we been together for 8 years and it's worse every year\n\nim getting desperate enough to suggest she find herself lover to get some free time for myself. crazy right?\n\n\nany advice?", "answer": "I hope you were kidding about suggesting she find a lover. What she needs is a hobby. Figuring out how much time to spend together and how much time to spend alone pursuing other things is a balance that all couples have to work out. Some couples are happy joined at the hip and some couples are happy living in separate cities. She simply needs to respect the space that you need and find a greater balance between time together and time alone", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdotd", "comment_id": "de9aass"}, {"question": "Is this a sign!?", "description": "So I've been having the same dream do 3 days. It's pretty weird one. I race other animals as a animal and once you lose you fall into a water pit and get crushed. Then I come back as anew animal. I'm scared that's a sign I'm trans bc I changed animals....", "answer": "You will have to live with the uncertainty, but move on with your life with the gender you prefer until you wake up one day certain that you are trans. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "61ly64", "comment_id": "dffhvxu"}, {"question": "If Doctor records ETOH Abuse in my charts, will that have an effect on future care?", "description": "I got referred to a specialist for Cardiac issues, and he did the typical questions about history, etc. When he asked me about drinking, I replied that I might drink about 1 night a week, and have 4-5 drinks that night. \n\nThis new doctor however had an extreme reaction to it, saying that I must cut all alcohol off immediately. Absolutely no alcohol at all. He also recorded in my charts a record of ETOH abuse.\n\nThis is the same information I have given my Family Doctor in the past, and he didn't seem concerned at all. \n\nI don't have a problem cutting off drinking if it is really medically advisable, but I am very curious about why two doctors would have such a radically different opinion about it.\n\nAlso, will being listed with Alcohol Abuse in doctor's notes be an issue for me going forward in terms of how I'm treated, etc? I don't have a concern about cutting out alcohol, but I don't want to be inaccurately labelled as such if it might affect how I am treated by future doctors who view my medical records.", "answer": "You'll probably want an opinion from an addictions psychiatrist - so here it is. Its at most harmful drinking, but no more than that unless you are suffering withdrawal symptoms or its affecting your quality of life.\n\nThere might be a very valid reason to abstain from alcohol depending on the cardiac diagnosis.\n\nClarify with your usual doctor. I don't see this as malpractice, but I would've taken a more pragmatic approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y8eip", "comment_id": "d6luu4v"}, {"question": "[Trigger Warning - Violence/Combat] Bad memories are visiting from the blue. I feel like a bar person and a phony.", "description": "*bad person\n\nA long time ago, in a place far, far away...some people tried to kill me. I shot and probably killed them. I know in my head I did the right thing and I thought I came to peace with it a long time ago. \n\nBut now the memories are visiting. I can remember now what is was like to be shot. And to shoot. I felt nothing but adrenaline at the time. It felt like I was shooting paper targets, but they were people. Is something broken inside of me?\n\nI feel phony. I\u2019m not a vet. I feel like I didn\u2019t earn my stripes. I know in my head that that\u2019s irrelevant, that that experience and others are perfectly valid reasons for being traumatized, but I can\u2019t help but feel my problems aren\u2019t as important as others\u2019. \n\nI\u2019ve tried to talk to my therapist and SO about this and they\u2019ve given me some advice but they just don\u2019t understand what it\u2019s like to be in that situation and live with what you did. \n\nThanks for listening. ", "answer": "Look up moral injury. It's a relatively newly recognized aspect of PTSD which might be relevant to your experience. Also though you know this, you don't need to be a vet to get PTSD. Most of the PTSD I treat came from child abuse and rape, not combat. And combat is still combat even if it occurred outside a military framework. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "8pzkw7", "comment_id": "e0fbkke"}, {"question": "So a visit with my doctor and got a bit of shocking news.", "description": "This was my first visit with this doctor. I am trying to better myself. I have been going to therapy and trying to stay on keto while seeing this new doctor. In the first visit, she tells me at my weight (290 5\"3: bmi at 50) that the seriously only way for me to \"beat\" pcos is for me to have a gastric bypass. I was floored. I came in hopeful. My best friend goes to this doctor and loves her. I told her i didnt want that, that im trying to do this keto thing. I had blood work done and they called and told me my a1c was abnormal as well as my vitamin d. I have not gone back yet. Im going to schedule an appointment again to see what she says, there were a few other things i didnt like about her. Im just trying to move past it and look at my future. My question is, do you think i should get a second opinion? Ive been to so many doctors and none of them have been willing to really point me in the right direction. Ive begged for help in some way or another from a lot of doctors. None of them have done anything more than tell me to take metformin and eat vegetarian. Seriously. This doctor is willing to try or so she said to get me on meds that will help with appetite. However she was quite rude... when she saw my face at her telling me i needed a gastric bypass, she responded \"its not the end of the world. At least you dont have cancer.\" I was even more upset by that point. Any and all advice wanted. Also for the record... ive lost 10 lbs on keto in a week. I got stressed from a few things and gained it back. But im back on track now.", "answer": "I'm 5'4\" and 275 and my doc said \"you're not thinking of weight loss surgery are you?\" Getting my weight down is something we both agree needs to happen ASAP but she's confident I can do it with lifestyle + medication for my insulin resistance (metformin).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4q0lbz", "comment_id": "d4ph68s"}, {"question": "According to you, what is a perfect relationship?", "description": "I am 26, According to you, what is a perfect relationship?", "answer": "Perfect means a couple that has the capacity to restore their relationship to its best level....which probably wasn't 'perfect', but was great.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76xe2d", "comment_id": "doho3b6"}, {"question": "Anyone else find forgiving people extremely difficult?", "description": "I'm having problems with forgiving somebody who in the past was an incredibly close friend. We've both done things to upset each other, and I don't feel like I've not acknowledged my own guilt in the situation, if anything my guilt broke me and actually lead to me being hospitalised and consequently diagnosed. \n\nI currently live with him, and we are currently no longer on speaking terms due to a number of different things, but I know that they are all trivial and I need to get past them, I just don't know how. I have so much anger and hate that on one part makes me feel as if I forgive him, that means he gets off guilt free, and doesn't even begin to understand the pain he's put me through. But holding on and being passive aggressive for the next 6 months of our tenancy is just going to make me miserable, and I'm scared it will make the other 6 people we live with miserable too. \n\nIt's a long and complicated story, and the housemates we share with are too involved in the situation through their own personal opinions on the matter, but I know they will be able to eventually let them go. But of course, BPD and me just being me means that I'm angry 99% of the time, and I can't seem to shake it. I don't want to see him as the victim but should I? I see his side of the argument but then instead of forgiving, I just feel insane levels of guilt again, there's no middle ground, and end up hating myself instead of him. \n\nI guess I just wondered if any others had some success stories in forgiving people they really didn't want to forgive? ", "answer": "I do not have BPD but I have a difficult time forgiving. I remind myself of this story and visualize myself going through it until I feel like I have let it go. \n\nDucks do not hold grudges. Two ducks swim in a pond and come upon another. They start fighting. They quack, and bite, and flap their wings at each other. When the fight is done, they swim off in two different directions, stopping briefly. They raise up and flap their wings, then continue out on their way. \n\nOnce the ducks flap their wings, they leave everything behind and swim off in peace. They do not continue hating the other duck, and they are no longer burdened. \n\nI play this story in my head, thinking if the thing I know I need to forgive and feeling the negative emotions. I then imagine flapping my wings and letting those things go. From that point on, I make a conscious effort to turn my attention away from any thoughts that try to revisit that past \"wrong\". And it does take effort. My mind may naturally want to think about past wrongs, but by changing the focus of my thoughts I force my brain to change it's pattern. And it has become easier. I still have moments that are as hard as the beginning, but I'm just happy to have some change. \n\nI should note, don't try to lump a whole bunch of things together. Take it one at a time. Each moment needs to be processed, or \"themes\" need to be processed. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3xpkv7", "comment_id": "cy78elr"}, {"question": "How do I stop procrastinating?", "description": "Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but whenever I have to do something I always end up putting it off until the last second or not doing it at all. It's really frustrating but just can't seem to find the motivation to do any work.", "answer": "As someone who's a therapist, I've worked with plenty of people on this issue. As someone who spent their whole life with very severe undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD (until about 4 months ago) I know the struggle firsthand. \n\n\nSome of the best behavioral changes I've made in my life that I generally recommend to others are the following:\n\n\n1. Make checklists.... all the time. Keep them around where you can see them constantly. \n\n\n2. Separate your larger goals into smaller and more easily accomplishable chunks. You may still procrastinate until the last minute with actually finishing, but having some of the work done instead of having to do all of it at the last minute is extremely helpful.\n\n\n3. What are you using to distract yourself? TV? Video games? Phone? Internet? Whatever it is make a little rule for yourself where you can't go back to doing that until you've achieved one or two things off of your checklist. Ex. I love playing the video game Smite. Games typically last about 30 minutes. I can easily binge for hours and hours left unchecked. I have my list of things I need to do either for work, around the house, other personal goals, etc. I play a game and then I have to accomplish 1-2 things off the list before I can play another. I call it Smite-choring :-D. My wife actually doesn't mind my video game playing so much when she sees that it motivates me this way. \n\n\n\nGame of smite -> put in a load of laundry + empty the dishwasher + put first load in the dryer -> game of smite -> mow the lawn -> game of smite -> fold the completed load of laundry.\n\n\n4. Lastly and I think this can be the hardest but most efficient, force yourself to cut off from all technology for half a day or more. I use music as an exception as it actually helps me get work done. Without TV, video games, the internet, my phone, etc. after the initial withdrawal I actually get bored to the point where I WANT to do the things I usually put off just to have something to do. \n\n\nI know what works for me won't work for everyone but I hope you try some of this and find it helpful. One last thing I'll say is one of my biggest regrets is that I spent so much of my life being afraid of taking medication (even though I've been a therapist working in the field for almost 10 years). Even the low dose of Adderall I take (10mg 1x 4-5 days out of the week) has changed my life immensely and has made doing all of this much easier. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8sijev", "comment_id": "e0zomo5"}, {"question": "Got diagnosed with prostate cancer, age 59. I have to go through radical prostatectomy. I have to decide whether to go for Open or Laparoscopic / Robotic Assisted Radical Prostatectomy.", "description": "I got diagnosed on December the 5th, 2019 with Prostate Cancer: the results gave a Glaseon Score of 6, and i was put under active surveillance. 3 months later, on March the 5th, i got another biopsy and the Glaseon Score was 7, i got the results today, so the doc told me it's time to intervene and go through surgery with some urgency. I am having a hard time finding scientific evidence of the differences in results between Laparoscopic / Robotic Assisted and Open Radical Prostatectomy. My surgeon doesn't do LRP or RARP, and he tells me that his patients in ORP has 50% of chances to get erectile dysfunctions or incontinence complications. How do i find the bet clinic in Europe to do this? I don't care about how much i'm going to spend, i'm just trying to find the best way to go through all this. Sorry for my english, i'm a bit confused and seeking for help right now: and thank you in advance for any help.\n\nEDIT: some personal info about myself. 59M, non smoker, caucasian male, decent shape, i don't have any other related medical issues. ", "answer": "As other doctors have said, this is absolutely the time to look into second opinions and third opinions. You want a doctor who does this surgery often and l, ideally, who has good outcomes. No surgeon can be perfect, and that 50% complication rate sounds around what the overall statistics are, unfortunately. But it\u2019s worth asking around and seeing if you can get the numbers more in your favor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g1tcc8", "comment_id": "fnjwwdz"}, {"question": "People stop contacting me [21/m], is it me or just life?", "description": "I'll try to make this as short as possible. I get to know someone, primarily as a friend, and we become really close, we trust each other, have great fun and all that. But over time, and it's not that long of a time, they start to become more distant.\n\nRecently I've taken a step back from always being the first to contact them, and I get nothing, I don't know what it is. Some of them to be fair are around the 18-20 year old range and are usually female, but I don't get it. I don't understand the concept of getting close with someone and then deciding to adjourn so quickly. Is it me, or is it just adult life taking over and it happens to everyone?\n\nJust to clarify, I don't consider myself a bad person or anything. I'm charismatic, have a good career going for me and a good social life on a night out, so what is it? It genuinely upsets me psychologically. ", "answer": "life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rk91v", "comment_id": "dl5oh1y"}, {"question": "Confrontation", "description": "I am a 28 year old female who has been with my bf for 3 years.\n\nToday after constantly noticing that my partners cousin is always rude to me I confronted her. I visited him and she was there. \n\nExamples of her being rude in a nutshell: she ignores my questions and when I try to make conversation with her she ignores me completely. She refuses to engage in conversation with me. \n\nit went like this:\nMe: hello ..after she didn't say hi to me and wouldn't get up from the couch ( she didn't want to acknowledge me and I walk into the living room to say hi... trying to be the better person) \nHer: hi( in a rude way) and turned her back to me\nMe: you seem mad, did I do something to you?\nHer: I already said hi to you\nMe: yes but every time I come you are really rude to me\nHer: okay ? I have only seen you 2 times here you're exaggerating (lie: it's been like 2-3 times per week that she's there)\nMe: (ignoring her statement), well you act like you're jealous of me being here or my presence bothers you\nHer: me jealous of you? (Looking at me up and down trying to put me down) , why would I be jealous of you ? I have nothing to be jealous of you \nMe: I don't understand why you're so rude then. If I ever did something to you let me know so that I can apologize \nHer: I'll tell you to your face when you do something to me ( rude voice)\nMe: I'm leaving ( Frustrated) \n\nWhy is she always so rude ? advice as to how to handle this?", "answer": "Doesn't matter why, one of you should not be on the other's couch. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyw4z", "comment_id": "di6elc7"}, {"question": "Does everyone end up loving their parents?", "description": "Just a quick question because as far as I know a lot of teenagers don't like their parents, is it true all people eventually start to like their parents?", "answer": "It really depends.\n\nWhen I was a teenager, I wondered the same thing. I figured things would get better once I grew up and was on my own. But - I just ended up learning that how I was raised was not acceptable (abusive home). I tried to have a relationship with them once I grew up, because hell - they're my family. But it was destroying my mental health and ultimately I had to cut ties in order to save myself.\n\nI miss my family, no matter how awful they were. I truly wish I could have found a way to make it work - but it surely wasn't for a lack of trying. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "36ri2q", "comment_id": "crgyhjq"}, {"question": "What is Alpha Wave Intrusion and what are its Effects", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "From my limited knowledge of sleep medicine, the primary time that alpha waves normally appear during sleep is REM. Alpha-delta sleep, or alpha wave intrusion, is when alpha waves also appear during non-REM sleep, when delta should appear. It has weak correlations with a number of problems, including depression, but its strongest correlation is with poor sleep and fatigue. It's probably less a cause of sleep problems than a sign of them. I haven't been in the sleep lab for a long time or keeping up with the literature, though, and it's possible that the understanding has moved on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b2s9iy", "comment_id": "eiuq6aa"}, {"question": "What is the point of therapy? All I do is talk, no plan?", "description": "I am hoping I can get feedback on what exactly is supposed to happen in therapy. I have seen one therapist for five months and didn't seem to make any progress. Then two others and although their styles are different I cannot figure out what is supposed to really happen. Maybe it is the style? All I seem to do is talk about my past and current things that upset me and they listen and once in a while make some statements and that is really all. I always thought there would be some structure or a plan/outline to follow with objectives, goals and more of a business plan. I feel like I have spoken of my trauma and how it effects me now and have talked about things that upset me etc but then what is next? I am not sure what I expected but just more. \n\nWhat is really supposed to happen? If A patient/client talks about prior sexual assault or ex an unhealthy attachment with mother then what? You disclose and talk about it but what comes after. It is just out there and I feel like there is something missing like next steps?\nOr is it simply taking and just getting pain out? I was hoping to get actual help processing it and how to improve my life and thinking towards a healthier manner as I don't have the tools to do that on my own. Talking is not working well enough. I don't feel any better than when I started?", "answer": "That sounds really frustrating and I can imagine how it just seems like you\u2019re not getting anywhere. A couple questions: What are your goals for therapy? Are they measurable or are the abstract?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fq3lab", "comment_id": "flp642s"}, {"question": "Covid risk during psychiatric stay? 26 female 110 lbs located in MD", "description": "My girlfriend has a pre existing condition of COPD. She also has a mental illness that results in near constant suicidality . She's been declining for two weeks and for the past 3 days she has been at her worst in 2 years. She can't stay present without withdrawing back to a dissociative state rapidly. She has expressed her suicidal ideation more than ever. What's the risk she would contract Covid during a psychiatric stay?", "answer": "All the psychiatric facilities around me are insisting on testing prior to admission and trying to maintain social distancing on the units. It's not perfect, but it has seemed to work well.\n\nYou don't mention any other treatment your girlfriend has or has had. Does she take any medications? Does she have a psychiatrist and/or therapist? Has she or have you reached out to those people?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jupd00", "comment_id": "gcenjqy"}, {"question": "What can I use besides marijuana to help with my nighttime anxiety (already on Cymbalta)?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "You may want the expertise of a psychiatrist here. If you're just looking for augmentation of Cymbalta, here are some thoughts:\n\n* Buspirone (Buspar) is often helpful for anxiety, a common addition to SSRI/SNRIs, and quite safe.\n\n* Benzodiazepines are a possible option, but they *are* potentially addictive and tolerance-forming and not a great idea for consistent, long-term use\n\n* Seroquel (quetiapine) or another atypical antipsychotic might be used. I'd generally advise against. They're sedating and somewhat anxiolytic, which can help, but the potential side effects are significant\n\n* Beta blockers also have some literature to support their use and as long as your blood pressure is okay are quite safe (and maybe beneficial). They're not all the same; betaxolol and pindolol are probably the two with the most anxiety research behind them (still not tons), but they're probably not highly familiar to a GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8988g8", "comment_id": "dwpjo7n"}, {"question": "How do I(14M) not blush?", "description": "My sisters always try to make me blush and it happens so easily and im very pale all my family is it shows very very very much im like Rudolph but with my cheeks. I want to stop its embarrassing which in return makes me blush more. I just dont like blushing.", "answer": "Blushing is a response that, while obviously uncomfortable, actually pulls people to feel empathy for you. \n\nI like to call it out when it happens and laugh about it. Works well. \n\nEdit read [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thisisinsider.com/blushing-easily-embarrassed-advantages-2017-1) . Hope it helps :)\n\n", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9pdxyk", "comment_id": "e819d3a"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "In my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today I started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago I got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.\n\nAnywho, I took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and I still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. Is it safe to stay up, or should I try taking more? Thanks in advance", "answer": "It's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. The purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. It doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). Although it's a fine distinction, I would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. It helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. The effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "e6jv0lz"}, {"question": "A year and 3 months sober - First AA Meeting.", "description": "I have been sober now for a year, 3 months and 1 week. I had not been to a single AA meeting during this time - perhaps I'm stubborn. However, I met someone last weekend who was also in recovery and he seemed a little unsure of me (or my commitment {just a feeling}) because I didn't do meetings. It made me think. It made me go to one.\n\nTheres a church in my neighborhood that has Thursday meetings so I went there. I had a hard time understanding all the different flavors of AA meeting online, but this was an open discussion. Everyone already seemed to know each other, so I felt a little 'new', while open to meeting people and chatting, I couldn't seem to get much acknowledgment or eye contact and so felt like I was just visiting - it's all good. I enjoyed listening to all the stories and struggles that the speakers had overcome. It wasn't a bad way to spend an hour.\n\nI had one issue though, I'm not a religious person. Among other things, I was a little taken aback by the holding hands and reciting of the lords prayer. Are all meetings like this? I'm going to try to find a few more this coming week and see if another one fits better. I'd ideally like to find one that is less religious (please tell me that's possible).", "answer": "It's different where you are. I live in a fairly liberal big city and I've been to one meeting where they recite the lord's prayer, but they make sure to add \"or a prayer of your choosing\" the standard where I am is the serenity prayer, but in my home group for example we say the 7th step prayer. It's all based on the meetings group conscience. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i5hl4", "comment_id": "cb178cn"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Wooo hooo!!! Congratulations!!! Treat yourself to something amazing because you deserve it!!! Keep it up!!! This is inspiring!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hmvmmo", "comment_id": "fx8wihu"}, {"question": "Sleep Apnea?", "description": "I went to the dentist today for a cleaning. He looked at my tongue and said I may have sleep apnea and referred to me to a specialist. He asked if I snore, and I will snore very occasionally, but not like my girlfriend who snores loudly and often. He also asked if I wake up tired, and yes I do wake up very tired and sleep excessively (10 hours a night). I've asked my doctor about this and he tested my for thyroid and all that stuff and all tests came back normal, so I'm thinking it maybe is sleep apnea?\n\nIs this something usually covered by insurance? I saw the little pamphlet given to me by the dentist and it says they treat it by using a \"oral appliance\" therapy. It's a device I put in my mouth when I sleep. Is this effective? Also do I have to wear it for the rest of my life, or will my body eventually adapt and I will no longer need it?\n\nAge - 29\nSex - M\nHeight - 5' 9\"\nWeight - 165 lbs\nRace - White/Asian\nDuration of complaint - Excessive sleep all my life. Tired in morning all life.\nLocation (Geographic and on body)\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any)\nCurrent medications (if any) - Zyrtec, dymystia\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "Not sure if you actually have sleep apnoea based solely on your symptoms. Nevertheless whats your blood pressure like? Has your partner noticed you stopping breathing whilst sleeping?\n\nA CPAP machine is used to treat obstructive sleep apnoea, but I bet you'd only want to use it if you have significant symptoms - theyre not the most pleasant things to use.\n\n[Sleep apnoea](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sleep-apnoea/pages/introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x4pwl", "comment_id": "def95a1"}, {"question": "Modest Monday - Newbies & everyone else, post your questions & hellos here.", "description": "I stole this idea from /r/fitness. They do a \"Moronic Monday\" thread, where everyone is allowed to ask dumb questions.\n\nThis is the same sort of idea - if you have a question that you've always wanted to ask, but never felt comfortable starting a whole thread about it, ask it here. \n\nIf you just want to reach out, say \"hello,\" or let people know that you've been lurking, go for it.\n\nIf you want to make a general statement or observation, say thanks, or get something off your chest, have at it.\n\nIf you're thinking about quitting but haven't mustered up the courage or resolve, tell us about it.\n\nAnyone can ask, anyone can answer. Throwaways are fine. \n\n[Peace!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUGmwDB49Tc) ", "answer": "Good idea!\n\nI'll chime in. I just found this subreddit a few days ago and think it's great that there's a fairly active, supportive community like this on Reddit.\n\nI've noticed a few newly sober posters talking about feeling conflicted about wanting to call people for support but not wanting to be a bother, and I just wanted to say CALL THEM! People give you their numbers for a reason, and odds are you'll be helping them as much as they help you, even if you don't realize it. I've never met someone who felt bothered or annoyed by someone else calling for support.\n\nAnyway, that's my two cents for now. Keep coming back everybody.\n\nedit: accidentally a word", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "ukj1q", "comment_id": "c4w66km"}, {"question": "Psych Student in need of help!", "description": "Hi I\u2019m new to Reddit, so please excuse me if I don\u2019t properly format. I\u2019m a 21 yo F psych student who, for a final project in one of my classes, needs to interview someone currently working in the psych field. Someone said they found their interviewee through here so I thought I\u2019d try too. I was going to interview someone on campus before the pandemic broke out. If any serious therapists or psychologists can offer me any help it\u2019d be much appreciated!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of users willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fsbres", "comment_id": "fm1aiwu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend and I broke up on good, speaking terms; what is the best way for me to go about this, in regards to how I treat her?", "description": "We truly love each other, there weren't infidelity issues, and we're both generally good people.\n\nShe and I met, things were great. Natural and positive. Great communication.\n\nThe reason we broke up, was due to her choice. She is 22 and has been meaning to \"find herself\" since before she met me. She has an opportunity to go to France for three months, all expenses paid. I'm happy she has such an opportunity, because it is exactly what she needs.\n\nRight now I'm a little hurt, and I am doing my best to prevent my past with other girls affect how I view this situation, and her.\n\nI basically just want to know how to be \"the best ex-boyfriend possible\", so that I don't act like a douche, or base my actions on resentment. Things like my demeanor or tone, the subjects of discussion, and frequency of contact, etc.\n\nI truly love this girl, and want her to be happy.", "answer": "Contact her if you want to talk to her, but don't go out of your way and do it much more infrequently than you did when you were dating. If she calls you or texts you, that's great--but don't jump the gun to reply.\n\nLimit your physical contact.\n\nDon't hang out with her one-on-one.\n\nBe civil. Don't be a douche. It doesn't sound like you'd go that way in the first place, but don't act really jealous if she dates another guy and don't act like you're feeling possessive of her even if you are feeling that way.\n\nMy best advice for you would be to limit contact with her until you don't feel hurt or otherwise romantically engaged. Granted, I don't know if that's applicable in your situation, but my fear for you is that you're going to fall back into treating her like your girlfriend again and you'll end up in bed with her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "u4r8t", "comment_id": "c4sbhpg"}, {"question": "What's the point of going to a psychologist past the original diagnosis?", "description": "I've been going to a psychologist and yes he's cool to talk to about stuff and he helps me with study strategies and worries about the future but I was wondering what the point was past just talking? I know this is unorthodox for this sub sorry.", "answer": "Often times meds themselves don't automatically correct the behaviors associated with ADHD. For example, if you're a student with ADHD- you might have had a rather chaotic study style prior to medications. Meds won't automatically correct your behavior- they will however make it possible for you to do so. Likewise with many other behaviors that one is accustomed to pre-treatment, sometimes people need assistance in learning to modify those behaviors to ones that are more helpful. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2gi9y5", "comment_id": "ckjubev"}, {"question": "[m22] How can I build a relationship with my family?", "description": "Hello Reddit, I was hoping if I can get some advise on building a stronger relationship with my family (mom, dad, sibling etc.) For a very long time I was always the person that would be seen in he corner of the room alone not because people didn't like me, but because I never felt like anyone wanted me so even around family I isolated myself. I would consider myself to be a very soft spoken and easy going person and when I do open myself I always seem to attract people, but I don't feel like I really connect with anyone and it's beginning to really hurt. I have a very loving family and I have a good relationship with a women that loves me more then I deserve, but I don't feel anything inside and I just don't understand it! Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...", "answer": "i would contact one family member with who you have the greatest likelihood of re-connecting. meet for coffee, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xjxs9", "comment_id": "deio231"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (26F) wants a break with me (23M) after fighting", "description": "Hello,\nMe (23M) and my girlfriend (26F) of 6 months recently got into some nasty arguments, and she has become increasingly passive aggressive with me over the past two weeks.\nShe is an au pair here in the US, but she's going back to her home country, Spain in a week for her vacation (3 weeks). She really misses her family, her dog is depressed and won't eat, her grandfather is dying, and her younger sister is suffering from some kind of psychological issue where she gets anxiety when she's away from her mother. Her parents are divorced, and her mom is having some difficulties making ends meet because her father refuses to pay for child support. So I do think that's she's very homesick at this point. She hasn't seen her family in 8 months, and apparently family is huge in Spanish culture.\n\nWell, in the past month we got into arguments that basically centered around me apparently not caring about her and being negligent. We were at a bar recently, and I didn't do anything when some guy hit on her. She said she wanted to feel protected, I said \"you're a grown woman, it's not hard to say no to a guy, and he wasn't forcing himself on you.\" In another instance, I went to Montreal for work, and I didn't text her for 2 days, and she got upset that I didn't keep her updated.\n\nI should also note that, for the first time I exploded at her and yelled at her for being so passive aggressive for two weeks. I regret that, obviously, but I was just so fed up with her treatment.\nShe said she wanted a break to clear her mind, to calm down, and to spend time with her family and friends back home. She said she has so many feelings right now, and she needs time to think about us.\nWhen asked, she said she wouldn't be \"looking for anything from anyone,\" and that we would have a date to talk over things when she got back. She said that she still believes a relationship is possible, but she doesn't know what's going to happen once she goes on this trip.\n\nBasically, I believe she's torn between staying in the US, and going back to Spain for good. Or maybe she made up her mind already\n.\nTwo days after her break declaration, I had a talk with her in person, and I explained to her in a very calm manner that I loved her, I cared for her, and I'm willing to make the changes she wanted in order for this relationship to work. I also said I'd be willing to see a psychologist to work through some of these issues while she was away. I have since been in no contact.\n\nShe also said she loves me, but her kisses weren't as deep, not as passionate, and she didn't want to stay for sex. Which is a first. She also took her clothes from my apartment, saying she needed them for Spain. She left her deodorant and toothbrush when I asked her if she wants to take those as well, lol. Not sure if this is at all worth mentioning; perhaps I'm looking too much into this.\n\nAs I said she's an au pair, and she made it clear to me that she wants to marry me. She even asked for a promise ring, which I laughed at.\n\nSo is this her way of saying goodbye for good? Or do I have a shot when she comes back? What is the best course of action here, given all that I said? Please give it your all, because I'm willing to do it for her now. Thank you.\n\ntl:dr girlfriend thinks I don't care about her, got into nasty fights, now reconsidering staying in the US with me by taking a break.\n\nEdit: she is leaving next Thursday morning for 3 weeks. It is Friday morning as a write this. She said she wanted a break this Monday.\n\nEdit: Just wanted to add some closure to the discussion. \nI ended up breaking it off with her. I asked her how she feels emotionally about us, whether she feels in the relationship or not. She said she's \"emotionally done.\"\nSo I decided to nuke it. Said via text, \"Ok. Enjoy your vacation, it was a great learning experience.\" Removed her from all social media, threw away all her stuff in my apartment. \nNow that I've gone through this, it's amazing to see how quickly a woman can turn her heart off to a man, regardless of how special she may have seemed. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily, just an observation. We were literally talking about marriage and kids 3 weeks ago with high hopes. Haha how naive of me. \nI want to thank everyone for the advice. Time to listen to Mr. Brightside and move onto the next one.", "answer": "go to couples therapy first", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69egv6", "comment_id": "dh6a1nz"}, {"question": "Reading body language", "description": "A friend of mine (28 f) and I (24 m) have been working on themed cosplays for about a week now, hanging out every day from when we get off work till before bed. She and I have been friends for about a year, and 2 weeks ago it finally clicked that I have feelings for her. \n\nShe has a boyfriend...\n\nShe and I are both honest people, so I know she won't do anything relationship related with me unless she breaks up with him 1st... and I would do the same. \n\nThing is... We have been spending a LOT of time with one another. Cooking, crafting, and just generally hanging out. Alongside her boyfriend. She has been laughing at things that most people find annoying about me (I think...) and so I feel like she at least kinda likes me. Then today happened. \n\nWe were hanging out for most of the afternoon because some friends canceled group plans. Her boyfriend was out hanging with them, and we opted to work on costumes. We haven't been alone more than 3 times since we became friends, and this was the he 1st time it was just the 2 of us all day. About 3 or 4 times throughout the afternoon she and I would make eye contact randomly, and I would catch the faintest glimpse of her winking. Until the last time when it was super obvious. No context for the winks, and they didn't even seem sensual. I'm not sure what to think of those... what do you think?\n\nTL;DR: Girl I like who winked at me 3 or 4 times with seemingly no context.", "answer": "If it doesn't read as sensual then it's probably friendly, because you're posting about it because you want it to be sensual, even though you know it wasn't cause you said so. \n\nSo it was friendly, and you should probably start dating other people, because this isn't the one. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dydad", "comment_id": "di6ba8d"}, {"question": "What if I don't have adhd (potentially) and i'm just lazy and worthless?", "description": "I am a scattered brain person. I can't organise at all. I've used so many calendar and schedule apps...I've printed off timetables and have written them, I've bought homework diaries yet after two days these things drift to the back of my mind and i'm disorganised as ever. I'm consistently trying to form study habits every two months, yet I relapse.\n\nI end up doing tasks by gut feeling...Like, Oh i remember i have to do this, so i'll do it now, yet I forget important dates, like an essay due in two weeks or a project or a class exam date.\n\nI do this with studying..I just end up studying whatever I feel like. Planning it doesn't help because I soon forget my plan or something distracts me (ie getting stuck on a question) and the plan the rest of the day goes to waste.\n\nWhen I'm with people, or my friends, I become really insecure and feel stupid because my mind is full of goop; I blurt out random things, that make people frown and go quiet and it feels like everyone thinks differently from me. I end up trying to not speak at all and I try to aoid speaking to those I percieve as smart.\n\nTo maintain a normal day, where I don't embarass myself, I have to expend a tonne of energy.\n\nI've tried to tell my mum how I feel. But she told me that I am lazy and stupid. If I try to express how I feel, she immediately stops me and tries to give me solutions; just study harder, go get your teacher to tutor you for free.\n\nI do not dare to even bring up the topic of mental health with her, as she shuns it. It really hurts me because she says I am worthless and says things like 'you're just like your dad' (a cruel person I haven't seen for 13 years).\n\n I'm waging a war within me. aDHD is so abstract in terms of diagnosing. I want to find out by seeking a doctor but then again, i'm not sure whether I'm focusing on this too much and making excuses. Like what if I am just what I am? \n\nI am extremely scared to go see a doctor by myself as a teen and want to put this off because of uncertainty.\n \nany insight or advice could be very helpful. Thank you!", "answer": "I would consider the environmental factors that are correlated with ADHD as well. Consider abuse and trauma or, more generally, living in a highly chaotic/unstructured environment. Seeking help for ADHD is more than just a medicinal remedy. Effective treatment consists of medicine and psychotherapy. In my opinion, people often overlook these systemic issues when considering treatment.\n\nIf your mother tells you you are worthless, you will internalize these messages and consequently not make healthy choices in life. If you feel lazy, it is because your family sent you these messages, covertly or overtly. Effective Treatment for ADHD also includes building an awareness of those around you and your cognitive and emotional response to that. \n\n\nYour mother's words are abusive and you believe them. You deserve treatment. You deserve to better understand yourself and others. You deserve a better life...no matter what your parents tell you!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4f28dh", "comment_id": "d25b3jn"}, {"question": "I think i experienced depersonalization last night.", "description": "Last night I woke up in my bed around 3 am and had this extreamly wierd feeling. I felt disconnected from my body and nothing felt real. When I looked at my self in the mirror I knew it was me but I was seriously questioning it. \n\nAt first I thought it was pretty cool, but after 10 minutes I got really scared since it didn\u00b4t go away. In my mind I had a full panic attack but it was like my body ignored it and stayed calm and rational. I then started wondering if I was experiencing a stroke but after some google-searches I found the wikipedia article on [depersonalization](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization) and it describes the feeling pretty well. \n\nI took a shower and I felt a lot better when I could focus on something else but the feeling returned as soon as my mind was not occupied. After a while I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning everything was back to normal. \n\nIs this something i should worry about or is it normal? I have had some sleep-depriviation lately due to school but otherwise things have been normal. Can also add that I am a 22 year old male with no history of mental illness. Thanks in advance.\n\n(Sorry if my spelling or grammar is incorrect)\n", "answer": "Actually, it is common that some people experience some form of deperaonalization (not feeling like your arm is your actual arm etc). As long as everything feels back to normal, I wouldn't worry about it. Sleep deprivation can most definitely be a contribution factor. I once felt like my legs weren't mine. I was overworked and had very little sleep. If it returns I would then think about talking to someone. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s2s7k", "comment_id": "cnlm85j"}, {"question": "How to reject a friend of my crush?", "description": "I have a crush on this girl, she knows it, but we still hang out a lot (with her friend too), but recently her friend has started showing interest in me, and I have a feeling she might tell me soon. I'm not sure what do I do then, I thought I would just tell her that I'm already in love with another girl, but it's gonna be very obvious who it is... Am I overthinking this too much? ", "answer": "If you\u2019re not interested in someone the reason doesn\u2019t matter. Don\u2019t explain, just be nice to her. \n\nAlso, if your crush knows you like her and doesn\u2019t want to be with you: MOVE ON", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7tci5y", "comment_id": "dtbhup8"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "I think that South Park does a really good job of parodying the issue to help folks understand (albeit in a very hyperbolic way) the issues that photoshop causes and the relationship between self-esteem and body image. \n\n\nIs it a problem? I co-authored a research paper having to do with this back around 2006. Is it even a question that has to be asked at this point?\n\nI'm 32, live in United States. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7edl1", "comment_id": "ec2k9ib"}, {"question": "My wife and I are traveling to an area that has recently been put on the list for having Zika virus. We want to start a family soon.", "description": "So we are traveling to the British Virgin Island this late January. We have had this trip booked for sometime and is part of a larger group (my family). My wife is now on the fence about even going at this point despite that we are financially on the hook.\n\nWe also want to start a family soon and the BVI was just placed on the list of places where Zika is present. We have also seen that it is recommended waiting now 8 months after exposure before trying to get pregnant.\n\n* Could this time period be shortened if we were tested for Zika and tests came back negative?\n* Is there still a shortage of Zika virus tests? We are in Dallas, TX if that matters.\n* If we do contract it, are there any long term ramifications regarding pregnancy after the virus has passed through our system?\n* Is there anything else I should be aware of?\n\nAbout Us:\n\n* 31 m and f Caucasian\n* Live in Dallas, TX\n* She is currently not on any birth control \n\nAny advice would be most appreciated! :-)\n\nhttp://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/20/well/live/want-a-zika-test-its-not-easy.html?_r=0\n\nhttp://www.cdc.gov/zika/hc-providers/clinical-guidance/sexualtransmission.html", "answer": "[UK (NHS) advice on Zika](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/zika-virus/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ggu0h", "comment_id": "das7o5f"}, {"question": "[28/f] Mixed signals from [29/m] I've been seeing, help:(", "description": "Met on Tinder about a month ago. Moved to texting after a week or so and talked non-stop. He's an intellectual like me, and both of us admitted to one another how (surprisingly) easy the other was to talk to without ever having met. Talked non-stop that week, and then had our first date that weekend.\n\nEnded up hanging out the whole weekend (Memorial Day weekend, so nearly 3 days). Back to work, talked throughout the week, though slightly less as he is transitioning to a promotion at work.\n\nA friend passes away during the week, and he comes over on a weeknight to listen and console. Very sweet.\n\nHung out again the next weekend (Fri-Sun morning). Again, awesome. He's basically the male me, which is delightful. And an excellent kisser.\n\nNext week texting decreases, but is still there. Hang out on Friday and then he heads out of town for the weekend to see family.\n\nFollowing week the decrease in communication continues. We still talk every day, but it's much less. Occasional tidbits of the day and memes. Assuming (hoping) this is just work busyness. Hang out on Thurs/Sunday as we both had plans the other days. Goes great, he crashes with me Sunday and kisses me goodbye as we both head to work Monday morning.\n\nNow this week, barely any texts, feel like I am dragging conversation out of him. Replies are slower and shorter. He'll be out of town this weekend with family so I probably won't be seeing him for a while.\n\nIs this a loss of interest, or just being too busy with life? It's so hard to tell in this technological age where anyone COULD reply quickly, but don't always. \n\nAm I over thinking this, or should I ask him what the deal is and why the sudden change?\n", "answer": "just ask him!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iekwo", "comment_id": "dj5km1g"}, {"question": "Help talking to \u201cSuicidal\u201d patients", "description": "Hey all, \n\nFirst things first: Sorry for formatting (on mobile). Sorry for the terrible throwaway name. \n\nI am a paramedic/firefighter and recently we have had a string of calls for \u201csuicidal\u201d patients. I put it in quotes because each call is different and each patient is at a different point in the process of having Suicidal Ideations to acting upon them. \n\nOur contact time with these patients is usually between 15-60 minutes based on the level of their immediate medical needs. Throughout paramedic school and in our Continuing Education training pretty much the only advice we are given in dealing with these patients is just to \u201cbe supportive\u201d. Obviously this advice is good and much better than being judgmental or criticizing the patient, but I am wondering if there is more I can do. \n\nEach patient is obviously different from one another, so I know it\u2019s hard to give broad suggestions. Other than just speaking to them in a supportive manner and tone/not acting condescending or judgmental, what can I do? \n\nTime is a limited factor in asking the background of why they are feeling this way, and we are transporting the patients to an emergency room to be medically cleared to go to a psych facility that has highly trained professionals waiting. \n\nThe physical health aspect is easy and straightforward to deal with. The mental health needs of these patients is what I would like to feel more comfortable with. \n\nThank you in advance for any advice!\n\nEDIT: This is also my first time ever posting to Reddit, so I apologize if I made and newbie mistakes", "answer": "Hello! \n\nMy city has a unique program where I am a therapist with the fire department. We have two teams where one takes the 911 mental health calls and another team to follow up with services/referrals. \n\nHere are a few things: there will be some people that will exhaust all of their resources and their baseline feelings will be suicidal ideation. The best you can do is talk to them and do your due diligence. Many want to be heard, some just want negative attention. \n\nLook up motivational interviewing, with is what we mainly use as well as brief solution focused therapy (what do you need in the moment for you to thrive.) You can also look up grounding/deescalation techniques if they are getting worked up. You can also look up Mental Health First aid courses in your area and become certified (could potentially be a pay bump too.)\n\nAgain you probably have frequent flyers where you think \"oh great we are going to see X\", or \"I dealt with them last time it's your turn.\" That's typical for most first responders but there is an underlying reason to these patient's behaviors. Some of these people just lack basic resources and don't necessarily know how to get them. There can be some broken links in the process especially if they are brought to the ER and are not set up with proper resources from the social workers at the hospital. Listen to them, hear their story, and see how you can help. If they are suicidal police would be able to put them on a 72 hour hold/eval. It helps with some and not others. Try to be supportive in the moment and see what they need/how you may help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8o17q4", "comment_id": "e00nw4v"}, {"question": "My mother just had blood tests and we're a bit worried about the results, we'd appreciate a second opinion", "description": "Age: 58\n\nSex: Female\n\nWeight: 150 Ib (68-67 Kg) \n\nHeight: 5'3 (1.60m)\n\nRace: Arab but looks caucasian idk\n\nMedications:Eutirox 75mg Levotiroxina Sodica for hypothyroidism \n\nshe previously had an operation to remove an enlarged Thyroid, she has to do regular checkups on her thyroid, in one of the checkups she decided to do a blood and vitamin D test and here are the results:\n\n[blood test results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=139b-DNJfqS6G2L1C45vde_jKypk-sveC) \n\nas you can here cholesterol levels are high and the doctor recommended a drug called \"Simvastatine\", and upon googling it (because I don't trust these 3rd-world hacks) i find out that it has some serious side effects like liver damage, \"lol just fix your cholesterol problem by destroying your liver bro\".\n\n[vitamin D results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1RyK1K5nyTGCkgyK7bYTGrrEgqw_voNdh)\n\n[vitamin D prescription](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1OccUfPwZIEXPQQ6pjQbN6WZRbDdpWwtZ)\n\nthe prescription for vitamin D deficiency contains some back shots, are those really necessary? what are your general recommendations for her condition doctors?", "answer": "Simvastatin (and other statins) are very commonly prescribed. Liver enzyme elevation can happen, but it\u2019s relatively uncommon. Serious damage is very rare. Statins are one of the most prescribed drugs in the world and are safe and effective.\n\nThere\u2019s a surprising lack of good guidelines for vitamin D deficiency. Shots are reasonable. It\u2019s usually possible to use pills instead, but not always, and I wouldn\u2019t take over without information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cgvzla", "comment_id": "eumatnx"}, {"question": "Adhd & social skills.", "description": "I manage to get over the anxiety of it but have trouble when thinking of what to say without sounding boring or rude. My mind goes blank. Also I don't show a lot of facial expression. Any tips?", "answer": "One suggestion is \"staying curious\" about the other person. If you find the issue when meeting new people, start by asking \"open ended questions\" such as questions that do not require a YES or NO response. Then be curious and reflect back to ensure understanding...\"wow that must have been a fun experience\" or \"what else is there to know about you?\". The questions depend on the setting and topic. Remember if they cant accept you for you then it might not be worth the trouble to \"make\" them like you. It is still anxiety provoking though trying to process information while remaining aware of subtle non-verbals. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7j5km7", "comment_id": "dr41di5"}, {"question": "Conversion syndrome/Disorder", "description": "Hi, my friend (16F, 189cm about 100kg) has recently been diagnosed with coversion syndrome/disorder and i was wondering if it's something the doctors diagnose you with if they dont know what it is? I would also like to know spicifically what it is beacuse each time the doctors have explained it the explanation is diffrent.", "answer": "My caution is that you\u2019re getting this second-hand from your friend. As has already been explained, conversion (functional neurological disorder) is a specific syndrome. It is the unconscious and unintentional production of signs and symptoms that appear neurological but do not seem to be produced by observable neurological damage. Sometimes no problem could possibly produce the symptoms; other times careful examination and testing does not find any such damage or problem. It\u2019s a diagnosis of exclusion in that it\u2019s identified when the problem isn\u2019t something else, like a stroke or epilepsy or nerve damage, but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s a \u201cwe don\u2019t know\u201d giving-up. It\u2019s a specific phenomenon.\n\nBecause conversion is unconscious, she can\u2019t \u201cjust stop it\u201d because she isn\u2019t doing anything on purpose. Classically, it\u2019s a response to some psychological stress. In practice, the specific stress can be hard to identify, but the treatment of choice remains psychotherapy, sometimes focused on the symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hcerco", "comment_id": "fvf0ixn"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Approximately 38% of ADHDers have depression according to CHADD. The percentage is probably much higher than that, but lack of reporting and misdiagnosis skew the numbers.\n\nOne recent study showed that people with untreated ADHD are about 230% more likely to not respond fully to multiple antidepressants. Treating the ADHD reduces the risk of antidepressant resistance significantly.\n\nHope these couple tidbits are helpful.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a6fbwa", "comment_id": "ebudn0i"}, {"question": "I went to take my lexapro and somehow the pill was partly dissolved some how, and I had part of the dissolved pill touch my tongue. And I'm really concerned now.", "description": "24 Year old Caucasian Male, 6FT, 0 IN. 215 LBS. \n\nMedicine: Lexapro, Clonazepam\n\nMedical Conditions: Geberalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Asperger's syndrome.\n\nSo I went to gi take my lexapro and somehow the pill got partially dissolved. It was on a plate I had a snack on and I didn't notice it as I went to go take it and I had part of the raw pill touch my tongue. I did not swallow it, I spit it out and washed my mouth out with water multiple times.\n\nNow I'm really concerned about that. Should I go into the er? I feel fine besides feeling a bit nervous now because I want expecting that to happen. Please let me know if I ever exaggerating. Thank you.", "answer": "Pills are often water soluble, being slightly dissolved is unsurprising, and you're fine.\n\nUnless it dissolved in something toxic that somehow got on your plate, there's nothing to worry about\u2014and if your snack was toxic you have bigger problems. The only reason to swallow most pills whole is that they taste terrible. Lexapro is one of those.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cj46v4", "comment_id": "evb26v0"}, {"question": "Someone here will know...", "description": "I'm a bit of a mess. I'm looking for advice. I think I may need help.\n\nI'm at a (stuck in a?) stage of recovery where I usually don't drink or crave alcohol. (Yay.) I would like to abstain entirely. I keep getting caught (every few weeks over the last year or so) in social situations where its easier (in the moment at least) to just have a drink and fit in rather than talk about it. (Yeah - I need a new social life. Easier said than done.)\n\nI've recovered to this point from a time a few years ago when I was having 10-15 drinks every day. My tolerance is now (thankfully) quite low and when I have a drink or two I really feel it.\n\nI know this is a dangerous place. I've read Allan Carr and Annie Grace and The Big Book and I know I'm not special. I know I need to be stronger. I know that these few otherwise uneventful occasions with these few drinks are no proof that I can handle alcohol.\n\nIn my most recent lapse, someone I am fond of bought me a drink. I just couldn't say \"no\". The evening unfolded and by the end my tally was 1 Bud Light and 3-4 ounces of rum.\n\nNothing especially bad happened. I (predictably) slept poorly. I've had a couple of good nights sleep since. It seems to have wrecked my week since then. This is my third consecutive day of low mood and poor motivation.\n\n**Is it possible that 3 drinks are still messing with me emotionally 3 days later?**\n\nIf so it's really illustrating my need for sobriety. If not, then I suspect I have further underlying mental illness or life issues to deal with.\n\nI don't know if I'm bummed out as a natural outcome of being a recovering alcoholic, because of further underlying mental illness, just due to my general life situation, or what combination of \"all of the above\".\n\nMy employer offers and EAP program and I think I probably need to go (back) to it. In the meantime, thanks for any thoughts or perspective. I'm sure some of you have been through comparable experiences.\n\nIWNDWYT\n\nEdited to add - My flair is not accurate. I don't whether to have it reset or just removed. I'm not there yet. \n", "answer": "I had similar problems re mood and booze. I always thought it was a mood problem mostly. I'm alcohol free for 7 weeks, and while i still struggle with my mood I am in a much better position to stay in control of things that help me through. Having alcohol out of the picture really helps me to see whats what. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8rdtyw", "comment_id": "e0qnluu"}, {"question": "How do I know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? What do I do if they do?", "description": "I was wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. I don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. Also worried that if we do find out any risks, how I can best act to help in an isolation environment.\n\nAny ideas?", "answer": "1. How old is your kiddo? \n2. What are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "fq6l4yt"}, {"question": "How do I become a \"valuable\" group member?", "description": "I seem to have trouble becoming an important part of my friend groups. I mean, outside people DO consider me interesting, and I'm pretty confident and outspoken, but my friends never make effort to try to get me somewhere, none of the usual convincing or 'aww's when I can't make it, and they have never mentioned anything of how much they appreciate me, even though I have said and done a whole bunch for them.\n\nI've noticed that most people are like this, yet there is that ~3% of people who's absence you DO notice. People who are simply fun to be around, not necessarily of good character. I was wondering what it takes to become one of those people, how to become valuable. \n\nMy main trouble as far as socialization goes is quoting and pop-culture. I don't follow TV too well, and I'm so terrible at names that I can't talk about 'people' and actors and bands, also, I just can't join in the quote battles, I just don't remember them.\n\nAny advice or input?\n\n", "answer": "How is the way the group relates to you different from the way the group relates to others? You say for instance that they don't make a special effort to get you to come out to stuff. But if they don't make a special effort to get ANYONE to come out to stuff, then you are just as valuable of a group member as anyone else--the group just doesn't express value in that way.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12s4sk", "comment_id": "c6xsvj6"}, {"question": "How do I keep a conversation rolling?", "description": "I can't talk to people.\n\nReally.\n\nIt's something that one of my friends recently pointed out. I'm always in the corner sorta distracted, trying to think of something clever or relevant to say but the moment has long passed and it's gone. I'm can't \"think on my feet\" so to say. Whenever I'm being teased about something, I never seem to be able to respond with something that turns their light jabs into playful retorts. Every joke falls flat, every conversation takes a nosedip when it's down to just me and them. I've tried listening to my own conversations and... it's just terrible. Think of any movie dialogue or story quote. Now add 50 \"uh's\", extended talks about something trivial, and little cause for interest. I'm trying to stay engaged but I lack knowledge in that field or I stumble over myself. I can't tell succinct stories. Every tangent deadends and there is no natural conclusion to a conversation, just that the other person is so perplexed they give up. My timing is really bad. I really want to be able to actively engage in conversation, play verbal sparring with my friends, tell intriguing stories from my life (I swear it's interesting, I just don't know how to phrase it), and give enough for the other person to respond back. But they try, I fail, and it's flat. How can I improve?\n\ntl;dr I can't keep a conversation partner. I need help.", "answer": "I wrote a free [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "53x4lm", "comment_id": "d7x52tn"}, {"question": "Downvotes", "description": "I don't understand people's mass downvotes everywhere else on Reddit. Nearly every time I post anywhere but here or r/pocketcamp, I end up getting downvotes (it's not like I was being rude or mean; I was \"joining the conversation\" or so I thought) and end up deleting it. \n\nAre people just big assholes downvoting for no reason? Like, how is that welcoming to other communities? (Especially the vegan community; why the mass downvotes for seeking clarification on something?) You're pushing people away from the trolley they seek. \n\nOr maybe it's a conspiracy? Trolls downvoting en mass to silence the sensitive. (That's literally what's happening in some conspiracy/Truther communities; the trolls taking over *to* silence the truth.)\n\nSorry for venting. Irl and online I don't often say much, because a lot of times when I open my mouth (or type) I end up being reminded \"Oh. Right. This is why I'm striving to not talk to anyone but my 4 year old.\" Tbh I'm even hesitant to hit Post because some mischievous imps may Downvote this just to fuck with me some more. It's fine. I'll say it's fine. I already want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hang on, though, for the only person who will miss me.", "answer": "It's hard not to separate it from a personal attack, but it's not a personal attack. It's usually a stranger on the internet who has a different opinion, or is an asshole. Neither of which make you awful or bad or less than. Never forget that! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9rktlx", "comment_id": "e8hoodf"}, {"question": "How do I learn coping skills that are not just avoidence.", "description": "My therapist says I need to learn how to deal with stress, fears, doubts, and pretty much anything negative that comes across... but she hasn't been very eager to tell me how. I draw a blank trying to think of ways to cope that aren't distraction. What do others do?", "answer": "Avoidance is not a way to cope at all. Individually, coping skills vary. Basically- you need to find what works for you. This can include journaling, physical activity, talking to someone, practice being assertive and getting your needs met, breathing or muscle relaxation techniques, etc. it all depends on who you are and what you're dealing with.\n\nIf your therapist is unable or unwilling to help you cope, then get a new one.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wk4on", "comment_id": "c5e5kmf"}, {"question": "Girl [21F] cancelled on me [21M] for school work", "description": "I started hanging out with this girl, and we started talking and flirting a bit. We ended up setting a lunch hang-out session after class and she cancelled it on the day of because\na)the class ended after lunch hour (around 2:00PM) b)she had a lot of studying to do after class\nShe said we could reschedule for some another time, but I didn't bother being enthusiastic about it yet because I'm the one who initiated the first hang-out in the first place. I'm losing interest in her as I thought she was interested in me judging by the way things were going. But thinking about it, if a girl really wanted to get to know me or liked me, she would go out of her trivial matters to make it happen. Am I overreacting or should I consider this a mismatch?\n\ntl;dr Girl canceled on a chance to hang out with me for school work, we've been flirting for a while and I thought she liked me. If she isn't willing to spare an hour of her life to a guy, it probably means that she's not into him?", "answer": "Maybe she's bit concerned about a long-term future with a guy that considers school work \"trivial?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20l92t", "comment_id": "cg4cpfb"}, {"question": "No sex/intamacy", "description": "I'm gonna try to get to the point but 1st a little back story. I was dating my bf for about a year when I found out I was pregnant. He was there and still is here but he is so disconnected. We used to have so much sex before and as soon as I became pregnant it lessened. He said he was uncomfortable because i was pregnant. After the baby was born it was the same thing. No sex. And I wasn't one of those women who forget about there spouse once I had the baby. As the baby got older still barely anything. 3 years later it's almost gone. We haven't had sex in 5 months. I have mentioned it to him during these years but nothing has changed. I know it's difficult adapting to parenthood when it was unplanned but is it safe to say get over it? I know he has been stressed from work lately but as far as I know his job hasn't been stressing his life all this time. I used to try and have sex or even cuddle but being turned down every time has taken a toll on me so I stopped trying because he's not into it. We've had our issues where I was seeking attention from other men but I never took it any further than just texting and no nudes, but this no sex no intamacy thing happened way before that and I am no longer looking for attention from anyone else besides him. I just want to feel wanted and the lack of anything makes me bitch probably more than I should ( I haven't bought up sex in awhile because like I said I'm done getting turned down) he says there's no other women but what man turns down sex? And then I'm deemed as crazy!", "answer": "you need a couples therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t9qm8", "comment_id": "ddl6m8o"}, {"question": "Therapist Said Something Interesting", "description": "She said she didn't agree with the all or nothing mindset around drinking. She said a lot of people think they have failed if they drink after days or months of sobriety and that starts a downward spiral of shame, regret and more drinking. She said in reality, for almost everyone, it's a process of sober periods and relapses and that it's not about \"failing\" but \"learning\" to be healthy. It takes time. I thought I would share because it resonated with me. Have a good night my people! ", "answer": "As a therapist and a sober alcoholic who has worked with a ton of addicts: you end up saying a lot of stuff because it\u2019s the right thing to say in that moment to that person. It\u2019s often a funhouse mirror to hear myself quoted out of context. \n\nI am a big believer in total abstinence, but I will harm reduction the shit out of anybody who wants that or who can\u2019t currently pull total abstinence off. Relentless forward progress. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "72pbyb", "comment_id": "dnkev50"}, {"question": "I don't know why I hate my parents", "description": "For some reason, I don't like my parents, I think I know why but I don't know if it's a good enough reason to hate them. I can't tell if it's them or me and I'm just a immature teenager.\n\nThe reasons I think are the fault of my hatred are:\n- my father cheated on my mother for a while and I knew about it before my mother found out but I didn't tell her\n- my mother has blamed my siblings for her getting cancer and diabetes type 2\n- they argue almost 2-3 times a day\n- my parents are extremely religious and I'm an atheist yet they still force to go to church which makes me dislike it more and more the more days I go, not to mention that they force me to go to random shit I don't feel like doing because I know it will suck\n- they do not let me have my own choices\n\n", "answer": "Many people have parents who wouldn't be their friends if they weren't parents. So it's normal to 'love a parent' but not like the parent as a person. There is a lot of stress in your family. Try to emancipate yourself when you turn 18, and in the mean time, try to roll with it as best you can.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6uzrmg", "comment_id": "dlwn19t"}, {"question": "I want to feel connected to my husband again and I don't know how.", "description": "I'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. I believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. I don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. I believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. I try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression I make is scrutinized, even when I assure him it's related to other issues. Recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time I try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing Madden. He plays Madden for 3 hours plus and while I understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler. \n\nI sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because I feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when I ask him to stop playing. I feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if I am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, I don't have any plans I just want to feel connected to him again.\n\nI feel like I start a lot the arguments because I want something I am not sure I am going to get from him. \n\n", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "dgp9arm"}, {"question": "Mother drinking secretively. Should I tell my father?", "description": "I would very much appreciate some advice. Approx. 5 years ago I noticed that my mother was drinking secretively and I spoke to her about it. She said this was true and that she would stop. I didn't tell anyone else other than my partner. The process of me noticing the secret drinking, mentioning it to her and her saying she will stop has repeated about five times since.\n\nI quite recently told my sister, though my mother asking me not to do so. My sister has spoken to her about it, having found a few empty booze bottles hidden. My sister and I recently spoke to her together over the phone and we said she needed to tell my father or we would do it. She's refusing, giving a lot of excuses but none that seem any good to me (she thinks it will damage the relationship, he will feel so upset and guilty, things are so good with the two of them and this will spoil it, the secret drinking is in the past as she definitely won't do any more as our speaking to her like this has been a big deal and she and hasn't drunk secretively for four months and will only drink once a week and never secretively...).\n\nShe's desperate for us not to tell him and wants me to trust her that she's stopped. The situation is complicated by the fact that I live at the other side of the country and cannot tell how much she has really changed her behavior or if she has just altered it on the occasions when she's with me. I don't know what to do. I've seen her getting a bit drunk in a sad, angry way during public drinking too. I haven't seen this for several years, but I spend so little time with her in person that this doesn't tell me much.\n\nShe is literally begging me not to tell and I do think it's possible that my sister and I making a big deal out of it and threatening to tell my father has shocked her, and she may stop it. But it's so hard for me to monitor if she is doing it, I don't know how much of problem she has and if I'm enabling it and making it worse by keeping the secret or actually if it's not much of a problem, and I don't like keeping this secret from my father. I have no idea if she's an alcoholic. Is she asking me to keep a secret in a way that would be weird for most families? What's normal? Is it important that I tell my father? Thanks.\n\nedit: Things people have said I should address in this post: \n\nMy Dad is not against alcohol and drinks it.\n\nAs far as I know,she has not in the past been found to be an alcoholic - but IDK.\n\nAs far as I know, this habit is not damaging her financially.\n\nThe reasons she wants to hide it are imo: she uses it as a way of controlling unpleasant emotions - she says this is the case. She doesn't tend to share these emotions and reaching out for support - I think she has a low sense of self-worth and often doesn't believe how much people love her and how much it is fine for her to ask for support. She's instinctively scared of showing these emotions. She also feels my dad has been practically and emotionally unavailable, particularly in the past, so this way she has 'sorted out the emotions' without involving him. She likes to present an image that she is just fine so drinks in secret. She is secretive about other things too eg problems in her life.\n\nIf she is an alcoholic, I think she is a 'functioning' one.", "answer": "I'd be inclined to say something. Id rather alcohol dependant individuals recognised the consequences of their actions and subsequently think about changing their behaviours than becoming complacent and dying of all sorts of hideous complications.\n\nEdit: im an addictions psychiatrist. This is a women who should be in my services.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5245mt", "comment_id": "d7h8skl"}, {"question": "Mom's mental health is deteriorating. NHS have not spotted psychological symptoms. What can we do?", "description": "Female, age 55, height is 5\"4, weighs 55kg, non smoking, located in the UK.\n\nJust feel at a bit of loss right now and unsure what the right path is to make her better.\n\nShe's in her mid 50's and and has always been a bit socially awkward and has always shown signs of odd behaviour such as excessive hand washing, obsession with checking if doors are locked and lots of other strange behaviour. She's generally an ill case and regular has headaches, arm aches, back pains, experiences dizziness, suffers from diabetes, has chronic joint pains.\n\nI've inquired from family to try to understand what she was like when she was younger and I'm told she was always a bit ill when she was younger too and very reserved. \n\nIn addition, she always had an habit of \"becoming\" more of a patient as soon as a medical practitioner assesses her. It's really weird because she exaggerates her symptoms when being assessed and won't even realise she's doing it. I've seen this rile doctors up over the years and they typically get annoyed and fob her off with medication as mom makes it tricky for assessment because she 'overplays\" her pain. When you question her why she does this, she doesn't understand why we would ask such a question. It's as if she goes into a trance and becomes irrational.\n\nIn the last few months she's become much much worse and her symptoms have worsened to the point I feel afriad of leaving her alone.\n\nLately she experiences a tightness in her right arm which renders her immobile for periods of up to 2 hours, she trembles uncontrollably and becomes unable to comprehend what is going on. This has happened 4 times now and we've called the ambulance twice who found nothing after doing there tests.\n\nIn conclusion, we think it's an onset of some form of dementia maybe :(. We think that because, if we talk about certain things that she likes, it is possible to temporarily distract her from her pain.\n\nWe've had no luck with NHS and considering private psychiatric treatment but don't know where to start.\n\nAny advice or insights are welcome.\n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Don't think it's dementia but she sounds like she may have some psychological challenges. It would be the GP in the first instance. Does she think she has a problem? If not there's not much you can do unless there's an acute risk to herself or others.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f0omsn", "comment_id": "fgvxefl"}, {"question": "Went to my first AA meeting this morning", "description": "It was - overwhelming. I'm still trying to work through everything, it wasn't scary and everyone was ridiculously nice. I was shocked at how big the group was for a 6:30 am meeting. ", "answer": "If you have questions, ask us. We have people here who know what they're talking about.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jf318", "comment_id": "cbe3esj"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "dnk37y4"}, {"question": "The Lonely Paradox: Who wants some friends, but hates dealing with people?", "description": "You can punch me for that title... Okay, it's not that I *hate dealing with people*, but as most introverts will tell you, it can be extremely draining at the best of times.\n\nI've caught myself going around in a loop, particularly with this one friend of mine. I'll be sitting in my sad corner, going 'boo hoo, why does no one care about me', etc... Then through events outwith my control, fate steers me back into contact with one of the few people who can actually understand me. \n\nWhat do I do with that pot of luck? I take a deep breath and sigh, wishing they hadn't bothered. Damned if they do and damned if they don't, right? \n\nI'm never one to reach out to my friends, because let's face it, they don't *really* wanna see me (I'm not an, err... interesting person). When one person in our group does take the initiative and invites me out, it brings all of these pressures and expectations, doubts and conspiracies... Making me count the seconds until I can finally be alone and comfortable again.\n\nBelieve it or not, I do want friends. Not the 'duuude I'm so waaasted' kind, I'd prefer someone who I can actually open up to. As a guy in the middle of guytown, that's clearly not going to happen anytime soon.\n\nI'm not really hoping for some win-all cure-all here, because I know the problem is in my head. I just wanted to know if there's anyone else out there, who has a hard time forcing themselves into friendship circles they don't feel like they belong in, because they have no other options.\n\nI may have just described how every human being on the planet has felt at one point or another, but it was worth a shot.\n\n**TL;DR: Is it normal to pity yourself for not making friends, have *air-quote* friends drop out of the sky onto you, shake them off and start complaining about still being alone? No, just me? :(**", "answer": "Finding fault with people precedes rejecting them. To stop being lonely stop finding fault with them and stop rejecting them. Cultivate kindness and consideration and look for others discomfort and make some attempt to relieve it. Compassion and kindness opposes fault finding and accepts that each person has intrinsic worth. Your intrinsic worth is your potential for good. This potential can be encouraged and supported. See others potential for good and help them realize it. Then you will never be lonely.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4oqcah", "comment_id": "d4fdqyj"}, {"question": "Why do I have trouble socializing for long periods of time?", "description": "I dunno, after awhile lately I just kinda seem to tap out. Like recently at a friends party I was originally gonna spend the night (which was never a problem before) but like I almost wanted to cry because I needed to leave it was so bad.\nToday I hosted a Christmas party and it happened again. The party was only from 5pm-10pm but still, around 8, I started to tap out and I just wasn\u2019t feeling it anymore, and by 9:30-ish I just kept hoping everyone would just leave. \nI wasn\u2019t having a bad time either of these occasions, I just stopped being able to handle it after awhile. I\u2019m not sure why this has been happening... I\u2019ve noticed it at a lot of family get togethers, too. This is all new, I\u2019ve never had this problem before...\n", "answer": "Could indeed have multiple reasons, but I get the sense that people who feel this really intensely tend to not \"just be introverted\", but actually suffer from self-image / esteem issues, where they are constantly making an effort to figure out how to behave in that situation or with certain people, instead of just being themselves as they are in that moment. Of course, this is very tiring, and makes you feel like tapping out after a while.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7kcoto", "comment_id": "dregu7f"}, {"question": "Anyone else so angry for so long they're numb", "description": "Like I don't get angry anymore I just don't care.\n\nBut I can feel it inside me, it's like that scene in avengers when the hulk says how he controls his anger...\"I'm always angry\"", "answer": "Thank you. ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "8bs5qr", "comment_id": "e1x4815"}, {"question": "Nitroglycerin drug metabolism interaction", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI'm a male, 24 years old, 5ft9 and 75 kgs.\n\nI've searched all over Google but couldn't find a definitive answer. Was hoping one of you could clarify for me. Does nitroglycerin inhibit/induce the metabolism of other drugs, specifically diazepam? If so, how and which ones?\n\nAs far as I found it does not inhibit any of the major enzymes, and I found no other mention of potential interactions.\n\nEdit; Thank you for the big response. I feel i should give some more information. I was diagnosed with heart disease 1,5 years ago. For the last 6 months, i've taken the exact same drugs/supplements:\n\nI was diagnosed with heart disease 1,5 years ago. For the last 6 months, i've taken the exact same drugs/supplements:\n- Nicorandil 20mg x2 daily\n- Ranolazine (Ranexa) 500mg x2 daily\n- Bisoprolol 2,5mg x2 daily\n- Omega 3 fish oil x 2 daily\n- Vitamin A, B, C, E supplement x 1 daily\n- N-acetylcysteine 600mg x2 daily\n- Magnesium malate 2000 mg daily\nI do not drink grapefruit juice. \n\nAside from these drugs/supplements, i was prescribed 2mg Xanax daily 1,5 years ago as they suspected my symptoms were due to a panic disorder. As soon as it was clear that it was heart disease, i started a taper to get off Xanax. Over the course of 5 months i gradually tapered down from 2 mg's xanax daily to 1 mg. At that point, i was switched from 1mg xanax to 8mg diazepam over the course of 1 month (November). I tolerated the switch without any problems other than ringing ears. In december I was on 8 mg diazepam daily (4x2mg every 6 hours) without tapering down, to adjust to the diazepam. I take my medication on a fixed schedule. I'm 100% positive i never miss a dose or take a dose twice, as i prepare my doses for a few days at a time. I do not drink any alcohol, soft drink and i do not smoke.\n\nIn the first 4 weeks of 8mg diazepam daily and no more xanax, everything felt pretty stable, with some mild withdrawal symptoms but overall far better compared to xanax alone. One week ago, out of the blue, I felt extremely sedated by the exact same doses i was taking before. Nothing has changed regarding my diet, medication, lifestyle,.. The only thing i can think of that isn't planned out and used 'as needed' are nitroglycerin patches, which i use at random, maybe 2-3 days a week.\n\nMy main concern is obviously that i don't want to go backwards in my taper. However, I do not understand what would cause me to feel this sedated while nothing has changed.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "How much diazepam are you prescribed?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "efgpbv", "comment_id": "fc0tfry"}, {"question": "Nausea after 10 days of Prednisone?", "description": "I just got off of a 10 day course of Prednisone. I was on 40 mg for 5 days, then 20 mg for 5 days. I took my last pill on Sunday, and since then, I\u2019ve been very tired and have a headache, nausea, and very little appetite. I\u2019ve heard of prednisone withdrawal, but I didn\u2019t think it would happen after such a short dose. Does this sound like withdrawal? And is there anything I can do to make it stop? ", "answer": "Being on prednisone feels weird, and sometimes great but sometimes bad. Nausea can be a side effect of prednisone and more commonly nausea and loss of appetite can be from withdrawal. You don't have adrenal suppression that require a taper after only 10 days, but you certainly can feel the effects. It'll wear off in a few days, but those days can be unpleasant in all kinds of ways.\n\nI say this as a doctor, but also from experience as someone who has had a few short courses of post-surgical prednisone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9is5z4", "comment_id": "e6m0wz8"}, {"question": "Is ischemic colitis a form of ulcerative colitis?", "description": "Is ischemic colitis still classified as an autoimmune disease? ", "answer": "No, it is not. Ischemic colitis is a disease of oxygenation, circulation, and blood supply, not autoimmunity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8yg7d3", "comment_id": "e2aphxy"}, {"question": "Don't want to get my paycheck.", "description": "I tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but I failed. Last sunday I drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because I'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because I spent most of my money on booze and junk food. \n\nToday is my 4th day alcohol-free and I get paid tomorrow. I'm afraid I will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because I'll have money to buy alcohol. I've been feeling happier and I don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. I've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. Thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, I don't feel so alone anymore.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being honest. Your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. Bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. Hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. I'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. Don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. Some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. Just for now. For right now do what you need to. Later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "62iggh", "comment_id": "dfmx8n3"}, {"question": "Let's start a \"Don't you hate it when you...\" thread..I'll go first.", "description": "DYHIWY think something is not safe where it is, and you think of a very logical safe place to put it, and then you forget where it is? \n\nI backed up all my 2017 and 2018 files onto a thumb drive a few weeks ago when my hard drive started going bad, and I clearly remember thinking I needed to put it into a safe place. The logical safe place would have been in the plastic box with my computer accessories in it, but it's not there. It's not in the second most logical place or the third. It's basically lost, so I have to go get one tomorrow so I can do it all over again before the hard drive conks out. \n\nBut that's not the worst one I've done. I once felt like my bike lock keys - both sets - were not safe where they were, so I moved them. I ended up having to have a friend grind the locks off and buy new ones so I could use my bike. ", "answer": "Don't you hate it when you start a filing system only to file things away and forget where you put them so you go back to the good ol' \"putting things in piles\" method. Which never fails!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7z0x25", "comment_id": "dukmvzj"}, {"question": "POCD", "description": "Can anyone tell me how they are on their way (if not already) to overcoming it? Or Harm OCD.... Or any other similar type of OCD\n\nBecause this is rock bottom. And I am seriously struggling to cope. Out of all of the obsessions I've had over my life and manifestations of OCD, these are the intrusive thoughts I just can't handle", "answer": "Have you tried therapy? Or, have you gone through an OCD workbook? There is a ton of great info out there that is research based that can help if you try it. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "56roy8", "comment_id": "d8lykmr"}, {"question": "Should I end a toxic friendship?", "description": "So, this may be a long post but I became friends with this guy at school about a year ago, and he has the tendency to hate everyone around him and only wants to constantly hyper analyze everyone and criticize them for the smallest things. When I try and steer the conversation toward more positive topics or try and be positive at all, he seems to get offended and think I'm \"taking sides.\" He has become increasingly clingy as well, not allowing me much space for myself and he seems to get offended if I am nice or make small talk with anyone else in class. I find that I am drained after being around him and that the friendship is turning to be very isolating and toxic. I'm not sure how to get space since we go to school with each other. I feel bad, because he is constantly buying me things and taking me out to dinner, but it really brings me down to have to constantly participate in the endless shit talking of people. I am just finding that I begin to feel suffocated when around him, and he makes us go to an isolated room to avoid the other people in class during our breaks and runs when they enter the elevator to avoid them, which makes it very awkward for me, because the members of our class haven't really done anything wrong in my opinion, he just finds them \"annoying.\" What should I do? I would like some opinions from an outside view since I am still even feeling a little bit of guilt about even resorting to this post, but I am utterly drained and confused.", "answer": "hard to see what you're getting out of this! yes, very toxic", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74x7ah", "comment_id": "do1qwqd"}, {"question": "I don't belong in society", "description": "I couldn't decide between /foreveralone or /depression, either way - Im so out of my skin I don't feel human. What to do when everything you could possibly try fails? I keep breaking down, ugh.", "answer": "Everyone belongs. There are 7 billion people on the planet- each with their own personality, quirks and issues- no one is the same. Yet, they all find their own niche and part of society. You are no different.\n\nDepression has a way of clouding how we think, so that we only see the negatives. If you can, I'd suggest you seek some counseling- that way they can help you navigate your issues with you and help you be comfortable with yourself, and with society.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "rsnxm", "comment_id": "c48cdnn"}, {"question": "Fuck the people who did this to us until I die", "description": "Everyone here reading this, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry for whoever made this happen to you, or even to whatever genetic factors may have given you this illness without trauma. I'm so sorry.\n\nI may be loaded but say it with me now: fuck who did this to us. It may now be our responsibility to deal with our feelings, but they gave these feelings to us, and I'm angry. I'm so angry.\n\nHow dare you touch a child like that? Show a child images like that? HOW DARE YOU? I'm angry. I'll die angry. Reddit tells me \"holding onto anger is unhealthy.\" Okay, well, its the only thing that keeps me alive. I'm angry, I don't deserve this, the people who created it should be punished. I will die angry, and that is rational and valid.", "answer": "Your aren't responsible for what you have but you are responsible for what you do with it. What will you do with this anger? Something productive?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ehi1tr", "comment_id": "fcjx443"}, {"question": "girl liking me help", "description": "There is this girl that I graduated high school with (both 18) and we have hung out to smoke maybe twice and I\u2019ve seen her at a few parties but we have never really talked.\nMe and her both recently got out of relationships so we hung out, smoked and then did the adult deed. A day or two after she was texting me asking if we were just fuckbuddies or if we were talking etc. and all of her texts have heart emojis and her saying \u201chow cute and funny I am\u201d even though we have literally hung out twice ever and she knows nothing about me \n\nI just wanted some consensual sex and it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t want to talk to her it\u2019s just we have never talked about ourselves or anything personal. I don\u2019t want to lead this girl on to think that we are talking but I still want to have sex with her. \n\nAny thoughts are appreciated ", "answer": "The best thing that you can do for the both of you is be honest and straight forward. Basically let her know that you're down to hang out like before, but you're not interested in any type of relationship and looking to keep things more casual. \n\n\nSo long as you're straight forward with it, it's up to her to decide if she's okay with that or not. \n\n\nThe only way you come out being the bad guy here is if you lead her on or aren't clear with your intentions. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zca5r", "comment_id": "e2hmni5"}, {"question": "How long should I wait before smoking weed again?", "description": "I have been a pretty heavy consumer of weed for the past two years smoking almost a quo or two a week at my peak, but recently I decided to stop due to anxiety and panic attack issues. I do not know if weed is the root cause of these issues but I have not smoked on the weekdays during these past couple of weeks and my anxiety has drastically decreased. Will smoking once or twice a week put me back up to my prior anxiety level or will it continually decrease with less marijuana consumption? Any input would be appreciated.", "answer": "Different strains of weed affect anxiety differently and different people respond to weed differently. The safest thing is just to not do it, but only you can know how you will respond. If stopping weed reduced panic attacks and they come back when you start again, then you will know for sure. If your panic is so scary it's not worth finding the answer, then I'd let it go. Weed is only one of a million pleasurable things in the world, most of which won't physiologically increase anxiety. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5qf1xj", "comment_id": "dcyr590"}, {"question": "What helped me early on in the process", "description": "I thought I would share a bit of what I went through early on in the process, in hopes it may help some of the other people just starting out. \n\nVery early on in my sobriety, I would tell people AND myself I don't drink. I wanted to be very clear in the wording with the word \"don't\" over \"can't\". For me, it made a huge difference. I liken it to the way I don't smoke either. It isn't that I \"can't\" smoke, because I certainly could, I just don't - for whatever reason that is. The reason I don't smoke is the same reason I don't drink. \n\nFor me, it helped me relax a bit more when I was around alcohol or around other people drinking. IF I was offered, and I was a few times, I would respond with \"No, thanks. I don't drink.\" \n\nFor me, the difference in words and mindset between \"don't\" and \"can't\" made all the difference in the world. \n\nHope this was helpful. ", "answer": "Saved and saved. What a great way to put it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4kzyuh", "comment_id": "d3jsjf5"}, {"question": "PCOS and high tesosterone...just started minastrin...what are your experiences?", "description": "Hi all!\n\nI have been off bc for two years,and after my diagnosis of PCOS (with high tesosterone in my blood test, a lovely cyst, and really irregular periods) I have started minastrin fe. \n\nMy question for yall, did anyone notice and differences in their body after the introduction of bc hormones? I know that everyone is different...but perhaps there are some commonalities?", "answer": "My impression is that OCPs sort of mask the problem. They actually make insulin resistance worse and while they do decrease the risk of endometrial cancer because they allow your uterine lining to shed at least once every 3 months, it doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is the cruel cycle of excess fat --> excess estrogen and testosterone --> insulin resistance --> excess fat and so on. Spironolactone is an anti-androgen so it will inhibit the conversion of inactive to more potent/active testosterone and possibly help your hirsutism (if you have hirsutism). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3pmvma", "comment_id": "cw8gzyw"}, {"question": "Stabbed myself while injecting owl with alcohol", "description": "Hi all, let\u2019s cover the basics\nAge:20\nGender:Female\nRace: Caucasian \nHeight and weight:5\u20193\u201d and 120lbs\nMedications: Prozac, Valium, and hydroxyzine\nLocation: Geographically I\u2019m in Northwestern Montana. On my body it\u2019s my thumb\n\nOkay so on to the issue. I was recently lucky enough to be granted the opportunity from Fish and Game to work on a burrowing owl for my local museums bird exhibit. Well I decided to mummify him as opposed to doing a traditional taxidermy piece as he is so small and fragile. This means I had to fill his body with isopropyl alcohol. When I was injecting him, the needle went through his leg and through my glove, and stabbed me in the thumb. I squeezed out a lot of blood and then washed my hands thoroughly before soaking it in more rubbing alcohol. I have really bad anxiety and am just curious if there is anything I should be majorly worried about? Thanks all.", "answer": "poor owl!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c47td3", "comment_id": "erwl5ap"}, {"question": "My [21/M] Own Self-Doubt & Anxiety Could Kill the Potential Best Relationship of my Life. Help!", "description": "So I'm more or less in love with my best friend [20/F], who I've known since high school and always had feelings for. Due to complications with my previous relationship, we hadn't been able to talk until after my former relationship ended. After reconnecting with her, my feelings were just as strong. Last week, I decided to tell her how much I like her and she told me that she was starting to develop feelings for me, too. We've hung out a fair bit over the past week or so, but I'm scared I might be annoying her and that I might unintentionally push her away because I might seem clingy, but I'm scared to ask if I'm bothering her because I don't want to sound even more neurotic and insecure by asking that and I'm scared that by trying to get closer, I might actually end up doing the opposite. Heck, it might turn our that she doesn't even think I'm being clingy, but the fact that I even brought it up might make me seem weak. Am I looking too deep into this? She's the only girl I've ever felt this deeply for and I'm scared that the opportunity of my lifetime might escape from me. What should I do?", "answer": "please find a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sd5ag", "comment_id": "dlbuoq8"}, {"question": "Complete loss of control and the system is not helping me..", "description": "I\u2019ve really lost my head. Mental health have got involved and played on the idea of a personality disorder of sorts but have gone no further than that. It\u2019s getting bad now, I\u2019ve become unknowingly reckless which is a hard statement to comprehend. I live with my girlfriend but she\u2019s struggling to cope and I keep having episodes and during these I have complete time gaps the only reason I know is because she tells me, records them to remind me that I keep getting points where I\u2019m not longer me and I don\u2019t know who me is anymore. I hear voices that don\u2019t fit, this man keeps trying to take me away and I don\u2019t know where I tell him to leave me alone but he persists. My therapist no longer knows what to do as I am getting worse and worse I only get small moments of time now where I can reflect. I feel that I am becoming a danger to others and myself but mental health have got an appointment 2 months away for me and I fear that I may not be here in two months and I\u2019m not sure whether that will be suicide or whether I\u2019ll just become so lost that Jamie won\u2019t exist anymore this thing inside me will just take over. I\u2019m unsure if I should section myself but I\u2019m scared. ", "answer": "If you're afraid that you may be a danger to yourself or others, go to a hospital for an evaluation. It's always MUCH MUCH MUCH better if you go on your own instead of getting to the point where the police or a medical professional involuntarily hospitalizes you. If you go on your own, you have a lot more control over the situation and it has far less long-term consequences.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91uaja", "comment_id": "e30vd8y"}, {"question": "I ruined group discussion.", "description": "There was around 8 of us who was supposed to speak on \"cucumber\". That was the topic for our group discussion. I literally had nothing to offer. I was about to breakdown seeing others being so confident. In the end I ruined the situation to worst by telling \"make sure you buy a long cucumber\". Soon after I said that everyone started laughing at my face. The little confidence that I had also got smashed. Feeling so worthless. Fuck I want to go back to my shell rn. I'm such a pussy, who couldn't even speak a proper sentence. Terrible. ", "answer": "Even though after reading this it seems like you didn't do it on purpose.... nobody else knows that. It's pretty funny and if someone said that, I'd probably laugh. I'd probably also think they were pretty bold and awesome. The type of person and with the type of sense of humor I'd want to be friends with. \n\n\nSome people might be offended, but given they laughed, they probably weren't. As Ahren said, it's all a matter of perspective. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8ut6nh", "comment_id": "e1i4a72"}, {"question": "What's the best way to say you're not interested after a first date that went really well?", "description": "This happens to me more than I would like - I go out with a great guy, we have a lot in common...there's no chemistry (IMO), but the dude is still interested in another date. I don't really like ghosting people or lying to them (i.e. the ex is back yada yada). What's a nice way to say I had a nice time but one date was enough? ", "answer": "I had a nice time, but I'm looking for something different. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ah3l8", "comment_id": "dheif4x"}, {"question": "How should I cope with depression while in a committed relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m in a year long relationship, and I\u2019ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. When my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that I need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. At one point, my partner told me I was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. My former therapist believed that I was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. If I was single, then she believed I needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. My partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn\u2019t ask to be involved. I don\u2019t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. On the few times I have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn\u2019t in the mood.\n\nYears before I leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. Everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and I took it as a lesson that I shouldn\u2019t depend on other people to help me through depression or they\u2019ll leave or I\u2019ll end up even worse. I accepted my current partner\u2019s advice because it\u2019s still helpful advice to follow if I was single, but my former therapist stressed that I shouldn\u2019t have to carry all the weight by myself.\n \nIs it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?", "answer": "Disclaimer: I can only go off what you have written at face value, and I have never met you or your partner. \n\nThere are a few things going on here .\n\n1. From what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. \n\n2.Unfortunately, there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. The majority of info says \"get them the help they need\" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping. Partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. \n\n3. It is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . You acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness .\n\nSo what is the answer ? I think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. Go at it alone) is unhelpful. A good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . \n\nAn analogy I use a lot is cancer.\n\nIf you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? It would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments, take meds. Your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . Your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness .\n\nObviously, tweak this to fit your needs and personality. If this feels right to you, it may be worth discussing with your partner.\n\nYout partner may also benefit from his own therapy. Loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. He may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f7wlgg", "comment_id": "fika5eo"}, {"question": "My CBT therapist \"fired\" me on Friday", "description": "I went to my usual bi-weekly CBT session on Friday with my usual therapist, and after talking to me for a few minutes, she said, \"maybe I'm not the person to help you anymore.\" To be fair, she is a CBT specialist, and I should really be in DBT considering my BPD diagnosis (damn that's a lot of acronyms). She told me to not think of this as an abandonment, and that after I get some DBT under my belt that I could come back and see her again. But that I needed to do at least 8 - 12 weeks of DBT first.\n\nSo while I am excited to finally be trying DBT, the therapist she referred me to is in another county and can't see me until March 8. So I have to go 5 weeks with no therapy (just the occasional psychiatry visit to monitor my bipolar meds) and when I do get therapy, it will be a long drive both ways.\n\nI'm sad, excited, nervous, everything all at once. Has anyone else ever been fired as a patient?", "answer": "I've been \"referred out\" from 3,and i left one. It's shitty", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5r3aie", "comment_id": "dd4njce"}, {"question": "I'm gonna do this exposure even if I think it'll make things bad", "description": "I have scrupulosity OCD, and when I was buying travel items for my vacation a woman let me go in front of her in line. This was super nice of her, but because of my OCD I thought that I \"skipped her\" and that I sinned even though I offered her to go in front of me and she said it was ok. For some reason my OCD made me think my items were contaminated and that if I used them on my trip it would trigger my other obsessions. I'm gonna go through with bringing the items as an exposure, because I don't want the OCD to have control over my life.", "answer": "This is great...barring the possibility that this post is actually a compulsion of confession, and you understand that your OCD fears may return whether or not you use your items because you cannot have certainty and complete control of your thoughts or future... That said, enjoy your trip!! ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6qbjtx", "comment_id": "dkwaciv"}, {"question": "How can I tell if I have ocd, or if I'm just fucked up. 13 male with t1 diabetes", "description": "will provide details if anyone decides to respond.", "answer": "Well maybe you should tell us why you think you have OCD (which I bet you don't)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sbx0b", "comment_id": "dlbli2k"}, {"question": "Sometimes it hits me really hard that I will die one day. When this happens, I can't think about anything else and am consumed with crippling dread. What should I do when this happens?", "description": "I am generally extremely happy with my life. Usually, I am thinking about something happy, and I suddenly remember that life is temporary. The worst part for me is when I realize (again) that I will stop existing forever one day. For example, thoughts like \"I will never get to hug my sister again if one of us dies,\" hit me. The idea that people stop existing in their minds when they die is horribly disturbing to me.\n\nI have no idea what to do because I'm a very logical person. I know there's nothing I can do about dying, and I just want to be happy. But I can't stop this from happening. ", "answer": "You need to shift your attention away from your thoughts, because on the scale you\u2019re considering, the dread is appropriate: everybody dies and all our human attachments and ambitions are lost. Thinking about it won\u2019t help. \n\nStill, you are alive, and the quality and conduct of your life has value and meaning to you and everyone you come in contact with. That\u2019s available now.\n\nFear death? Live now. Go hug your sister or at least call her. Cherish the life you have. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "77c8gr", "comment_id": "dokqkng"}, {"question": "Recovery memoirs (books) really help me. Any suggestions for some good ones?", "description": "Here's the ones I've already read and enjoyed:\n\n\"Blackout\" by Sarah Hepola\n\n\"Girl Walks Out of a Bar\" by Lisa Smith\n\n\"Dry\" by Augusten Burroughs\n\n\"Lit\" by Mary Karr\n\n\"Drinking: A Love Story\" by Caroline Knapp\n\n\"Dying for a Drink\" by Amelia Baker\n\n\"Mrs D is Going Without\" by Lotta Dann (didn't really like this one)\n\n\"You Left Early\" by Louisa Young\n\n\"Between Breaths\" by Elizabeth Vargas\n\n\"Woman of Substances\" by Jenny Valentish\n\n\"How to Murder Your Life\" by Cat Marnell\n\n\"The Sober Diaries\" by Clare Pooley (didn't really like this one)\n\n\"Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife\" by somebody I didn't like so I threw this one away\n\n\"The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober\" by Catherine Gray\n\n\"High Sobriety\" by Jill Stark\n\nI'm not a fan of the \"how to stop drinking\" self-help genre.", "answer": "I like A Million Little Pieces by James Frey specifically after reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. They are unrelated at first but The Things They Carried is the most important book written in the past 100 years (IMO) because it sets the stage for the awareness of all other subjective narrative work. \n\nJames Frey went on Oprah and was later called out for \"lying\" in his memoir. It was almost hilarious to see the general literary and recovery community turn on him for lying about his addiction experience when isn't that exactly what addiction would have one do? I quite liked the book and having more than a little experience in addiction treatment before I read it, I didn't care if it was \"real\" or not because it had to be written like that. The fact that the larger public loved it when they thought it was real proved why addicts feel this way. \n\nAnyway, that's my idea. Read TTTC because it's super important for understanding any memoir/novel/account/story and then read whatever after. \n\nBut seriously, read This Naked Mind or Allan Carr too.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "crwvn1", "comment_id": "excqwxk"}, {"question": "Anyone else think their bpd is a consequence of emotional neglect during childhood/adolescence from parents", "description": "My psychologist told me \u201cbpd tends to occur when someone\u2019s needs wherent met during childhood\u201d and I\u2019ve been thinking about it a lot \nWhen I was a child and adolescent my parents rly invalidated my feelings bc \u201cI was so lucky and I should be grateful\u201d even tho I was going thru heavy emotional shit bc of bpd and my bipolar 2\nI\u2019m rly conflicted abt my parents now bc I love them but that shit was so damaging and just made me feel intensely guilty ", "answer": "It's CPTSD then. Try Pete Walker's book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9r6uwm", "comment_id": "e8epzoj"}, {"question": "\u201cLet us go forward together, the struggle continues.\u201d Senator Bernie Sanders", "description": "I am angry. I am afraid. I am sad. I am in mourning.\n\nI fear for the country. I fear for our souls.\n\nWhat is to become of us.\n\n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I know this is tame, but please, I implore people to please, please, please keep anything even remotely political off of this sub. This is for all people who want to stop drinking. These things have a way of taking a life of their own and becoming decisive and negative quickly no matter the intent.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fx999c", "comment_id": "fmuos07"}, {"question": "Need a physician to tell me if I\u2019m treatable or gonna have to live a life of chronic pain...", "description": "I\u2019m 26 male, who\u2019s 5\u20195\u201d who lives in British Columbia. East Indian ethnicity. Duration on injury is two months. Medication is mainly Ibuprofen. \n\nIs this treatable or am I gonna have chronic pain forever....\n\nAugust 2019 injured my lower back running. Diagnosed as a muscle strain...December 2019 injured lower back again.\n\nWent to my doctor who ordered an X-Ray. The results were:\n\n\u201cThere is no sign of spondylolisthesis. No other abnormality seen in the vertebral elements of the intervertebral discs.\u201d \n\nIt continues....\n\n\u201cMild to moderate lumbosacral facet arthrosis. L5/S1 disc moderate disc narrowing is likely developmental with no degenerative secondary changes\u201d \n\nBased on this X-ray report...my pain is most likely due to the facet joint, right? \n\nMy symptoms are as followed\n\n-pain is only on the right side lower back\n-pain is triggered when bending backwards or sitting\n-pain is not always constant.\n-basically pain free when active or laying down\n\nMy doctor gave me hope by saying this issue is treatable, but it\u2019s been a few weeks. I\u2019m finding it less likely that it is. \n\nLooking for some insight from some you guys on this issue. Is this issue treatable? Recovery time? Recommendations? What should be my next steps?", "answer": "There's very poor correlation between imaging and pain. Some spines look like disasters but feel fine, and other time the imaging is pretty unremarkable but the pain is severe. As long as there's no acute problem picked up, an X-ray or MRI can't tell you much.\n\nThe usual best recommendation for back pain is physical therapy. If you need a referral, ask your doctor. Otherwise, go find a physical therapist. (Not a chiropractor!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eymehj", "comment_id": "fgk4nbx"}, {"question": "What are the long term side effects of taking SSRIs?", "description": "I have been taking citalopram for about 5-6 years now at varying doses 20-40mg and was wondering what the long term effects of taking an SSRI are. Also, is it possible to start developing side effects after taking the medication for an extended period of time? Thanks for your help! ", "answer": "Long term effects vary, but thankfully nothing sinister. Compare the risks of being on an SSRI and having untreated depression - which is definitely high risk for both mental and physical health.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5118in", "comment_id": "d7930my"}, {"question": "Therapist always asks how I feel about that", "description": "When the answer is obviously not good, after me spilling my feelings for several minutes in which it feels like she may not be paying full attention, so she resorts to this phrase often. And how do I feel about that? Like she doesn\u2019t care :/", "answer": "Definitely bring this up with her !\n\nI can't possibly know what is happening, but my best guess is that she is encouraging you to name/label your feelings. If you are spilling your feelings for several minutes , you are probably giving a narrative description of your feelings. That is fine , but she may care and may be listening , but wants you to name your feelings. \n\nIn any case , please discuss this in therapy so that she better understands your needs and can discuss her methods.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffx6oa", "comment_id": "fk1cq3y"}, {"question": "My High school won't let me drop an AP Class. What can I do?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Hey can\u2019t force you to take a class you don\u2019t want. This is your future to think about too. Don\u2019t be afraid to advocate for yourself. It\u2019s no different than if they put you in calc before you took algebra. You have a right to have a say in your schedule especially if your reason is more than just you don\u2019t feel like it anymore. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7j6n61", "comment_id": "dr4e7j6"}, {"question": "My horse squished my leg between her and the fence on Friday. My leg hurts REALLY bad now. More info inside", "description": "Hi as I mentioned, I was riding my pony and we walked laterally full force into the fence (she weighs around 750-800 lb) with my left leg trapped between her and the fence. It is a wooden 3 board fencing. My pony is not very tall so the top rail got me right above my knee and on my thigh and the middle rail got me right in the middle of my shin. There are two large gashes where it looks like my skin was burned off. The top \u201cburn\u201d above my knee is dried but kind of weird looking like a yellow color but doesn\u2019t seem inflamed. I can feel a bit of bruising surrounding and under it, there is minor swelling, but not too bad.\nThe bottom one...it\u2019s excruciating. I had to ride yesterday because a client paid for me to ride her horse in a clinic. It didn\u2019t hurt as bad yesterday. This morning I taught a lesson, and it bothered me. Now, I am home laying down and I can hardly walk. When I stand up I feel all the blood rush to the lower gash and it\u2019s excruciating. I broke that ankle before and had to get surgery, it feels very similar to the feeling of blood rushing down my leg to the surgical site, and throbbing and burning. Almost my whole calf and shin area is throbbing and extremely painful, my entire shin is swollen . I can\u2019t touch anywhere on my shin without it hurting. I am wondering now if it is more than a bruised bone. I will make a doctor appointment in the morning. But is there a possibility I broke my leg?! \n\nRight now I have large bandages in the gashes, took ibuprofen, and also have antibacterial cream on.\n\nI have to wait until tomorrow morning to make an appointment with my doctor", "answer": "Excruciating pain after a crushing injury could be compartment syndrome, which is an emergency that can result in permanent damage to your leg. I can't examine well enough over the internet to be sure, and I'm the wrong kind of doctor anyway, but I urge you to go to an emergency room so that if it is compartment syndrome it can be dealt with quickly. That's not something that can wait until morning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cs94dq", "comment_id": "exdfqpa"}, {"question": "Difference between borderline and bipolar?", "description": "Can someone please explain how to tell these two conditions apart? Especially in terms of symptoms. Thanks", "answer": "Bipolar is periods of depression and mania that can last weeks or months at a time (they aren\u2019t mood swings where one day or moment they\u2019re up the next they\u2019re down). There are 2 types 1 and 2. The level of mania is the difference, 1 is more severe. Mania is not sleeping much if at all, grandiose idea of self, racing thoughts, a lot of energy despite the lack of sleep. There can also be hallucinations. People can have more depressive episodes than manic episodes which is why it can be hard to diagnose or properly. \n\nBoarderline is more to do with impulsiveness (shopping, sex, etc) and with how they are in relationships. There\u2019s tends to be an extreme in value or lack of value in relationships. They may fear abandonment, but to an extreme and get very very upset when they think someone is doing this due to lack in ability to emotionally regulate. Takes longer to return to baseline after becoming upset. Depression can be part of this, but there won\u2019t be mania or hypomania as in Bipolar.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "enwzuz", "comment_id": "fe6e1n1"}, {"question": "can someone reassure me about this \"going to a meeting\" business?", "description": "Well, I guess I want to try going to a meeting, and I live in the sticks so the only option around here is an AA meeting. Two things scare/confuse me: 1. there's a meeting I'd like to go to tonight BUT IT'S IN THE FACULTY LOUNGE OF MY SCHOOL (I'm a college professor). People there might know me. But then, THEY are also there, so maybe that's okay? 2. (and I have read up on this but I want an Actual Internet Stranger to reassure me too) is it okay for me to go to a \"closed meeting\"? I'm not like 100% ready to call myself an Alcoholic, but I def think I could easily become one in the next 5 or 10 years...??!!?\n\nThank you for reading. One impetus for my stopping drinking NOW is that my Dad recently \"came out\" as a Gambling Addict and also Alcoholic, and I can see what a difference GA and AA has made in his life. I'm not ready to talk to him, or my family, about all this yet (there's a little baggage there... bc, you know, of the addictions!) but I'm sort of like, \"if he can/should do it, I also can/should do it.\" I definitely feel the lure of the addiction. Like, alcohol feels like all I think about sometimes (whether or not I'm drinking). And, the more I read here the more realize I am NOT a \"normal drinker.\" ", "answer": "Meeting people you know shouldn't be an issue. There's a reason its called alcoholics ANONYMOUS. It's like vegas, what happens or is said in those rooms stay there. Everyone has said all the rest I would say. I can tell you that the most success I see with this program comes from people who jump in feet first and get to work right away. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1k531b", "comment_id": "cbli80t"}, {"question": "Fianc\u00e9 says he has bigger balls than me and he can't control me", "description": "I had argument with my live in fianc\u00e9 and it was rough. I believe borders on emotional abuse. Please tell me objective advice. \n\nHe told me he thought part of reason we argue so much is that im not always in reality and I think I'm so strong but he has far bigger balls than I do and that I can't line with it. He says this because I have successful career and (I believe) he is intimidated by it. So much so he says if I was normal I would hand him all my income and let him handle it. The fact that I don't want to do that anymore shows I like to be controlling. \n\nThen he continued his summary of my issues and then tells me that \"all of his friends and family see it for what it is and that is he has given me everything he can and it's never good enough\". \n\nThat was an indirect follow up to the fact that I want a wedding date and he says he wants to go through the Catholic Church suddenly and they require a year for annulment of my previous marriage and lots of interviews and classes. He is NOT practicing Catholic and his last marriage was not in Catholic Church. \n\nWe had a horrible fight then because I and then just go side with your family and friends then! As you say, you've done everything and nothing is good enough for me. He said \"see there's something wrong with you....it's about sides for you?!\" \n\nI said no but that hurts! \n\nHe said you just don't want me anymore....just say it. He said then show me you love me and hug me. Have compassion. Make me feel special...", "answer": "Run run run run run run run away!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70osjv", "comment_id": "dn4uenz"}, {"question": "Accepting that I have pedophilic attractions", "description": "I've had them for a long time, since late teens at least. Never really accepted it until recently. I have never and would never abuse a child. I realize how damaging that can be and the thought of acting on my fantasies is morally reprehensible. I cannot stress enough, I would never hurt a child. But I do have the fantasies. I also consume fictional works (shota and loli stuff). It's not illegal nor do I think it's morally wrong. I don't feel like the fantasies themselves damage my life, but seeing people's reaction does hurt me. No one in my life knows and I worry about what they would do if they found out.\n\nNow that I've accepted I'm a MAP (minor attracted person), it's hard not to let comments affect me. Everyone says people like me should get help. But I don't dislike my sexuality, nor does it hurt anyone. Looking it up online, treatments seem shoddy and difficult. Is it really even worth it? Plus I've heard some people say that therapists are mandated to report MAPs to the police. I haven't done anything illegal but I don't want the police to investigate me or anything. Is it worth getting help? What would they even involve?", "answer": "Mandated reporting laws are different from state to state. In PA where I practice, it would be considered a violation of your rights to share information about your attraction to children alone. If you disclosed that you had ever sexually abused a child I would be legally mandated to report this. \n\n\nIf it isn't causing you harm and you're not harming anyone else, I would say you probably don't need to seek treatment for it but if you ever feel the urge to act on your attraction, you should seek help immediately.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5d63j", "comment_id": "es17zhx"}, {"question": "What is \"stemming\"?", "description": "I was told by a nurse once that I should probably not see my ex because she feared I was \"stemming\" (it was a word that sounded like that), like she wanted me to have more time away from him to kinda reestablish my boundaries and sense of self was what I got from her context. Like getting more distance and time from him would help me become grounded and not get sucked into something.", "answer": "Perhaps she meant splitting", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2v3z14", "comment_id": "coec0e0"}, {"question": "[28M] Losing control after ex left our 2 1/2 year relationship for me being on house arrest and finds \"special somone\" in 5 days..", "description": "Length of relationship (2 1/2 years.). She was with me through forest fire, house foreclosure, rehab,\nand when I almost died to frostbite. I go on house arrest and she moves in together then a month ago said things aren't working from partly me being jealous/smothering her as I could leave home and wanted to be around her all the time.\n\nSo she leaves about 3 weeks ago, and says she's going to focus on herself and not looking for anyone else. I see her add this dude who's single on fb who since now has started dating and already hooked up with. I blocked her on Facebook. I don't know how to get over her or stop ghosting her Facebook from a friends account and see her purposely posting stuff about \"Song reminds me of special someone\" etc... and I'm losing the battle, especially being on house arrest with no one around. My biggest fear is I'm in debt a lot (50grand) from my addiction but I still kept my full time job. I don't know how to move on and it scares me and first time in my life I've had visuals of just ending it...whether be under a heavy hauler tire so my dad and family get work insurance money and will be finance free.\n\nLike it just breaks my heart seeing her find a \"special someone\" in 5 days of knowing the person only a couple weeks after she left our 2 1/2 year relationship. I blocked her and id creep buddies account and seen a video of them together and it tore me apart even harder...Just wish I wouldnt care or love her so much... I did block buddy and hope time will fix this...\n\nI sincerely appreciate your time for those that read this, I just needed to vent and I have no one I trust in real life and don't want to be judged.\n\n~Frostbite.", "answer": "I've got several years since my last drink. What has remained clear through all the ups and downs is that I don't ever want to have zero days of sobriety again. That shit sucks. Zero days feels fucking terrible. It just adds a new woe. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69n7qt", "comment_id": "dh8dhag"}, {"question": "My pupils are often abnormally dilated in evening. Is this my anxiety or vitamins? Worrying?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "It's going to be really hard to answer without examining your pupils. Has your GP had a look?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6oi67v", "comment_id": "dkhipcg"}, {"question": "Cough Syrup + stupidity", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI feel like such an idiot. I've got 2.5 years sober. \n\nI had been unwell and I remembered hearing that a certain type of cough syrup was alcohol free - Theraflu. \n\nIn a bit of a sick daze I bought some - even when they asked me for ID i didn't twig at anything. \n\nThat was two days ago - I had been taking it regularly with the doses around every four hours. \n\nThen as I was working at my desk today at home I glanced at the bottle and the word \"ALCOHOL\" leapt out at me. \n\nI then ran to the sink and tipped the remaining amount out. \n\nI rang my sponsor and some supports. I have been honest. I didn't have an intent to use / drink. \n\nWhen taking the cough syrup I wanted to feel better. I have no idea why I had this blindspot. \n\nMy sponsors advice is to share this and lean further into AA in this period of time. \n\nAnyways, this was a learning experience - it also scares me because I've been desperate and worked steps and gotten so far due to the program.", "answer": "Do not let anyone tell you this is even remotely close to anything even resembling a relapse! The fact that you are being so open about this and not keeping it to yourself shows you are in the right place in your recovery; probably more so than anyone accusing you of relapse. Keep up the good work!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bx6nwr", "comment_id": "eq4a92o"}, {"question": "Do social media communities for mental health still exist? What are they like?", "description": "I used to be part of one on Twitter. We were big but tight-knit, so most people didn't pay us any mind. It was nice that that support structure was there. Does anyone know if stuff like that still exists? I'm given to understand that the one on Twitter got kinda big and less intimate and now it's not really a thing people go to for support...", "answer": "There's a good amount of groups on Facebook and if you type things like mental health + forum into google you can find endless message board groups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6soq3g", "comment_id": "dlem4w8"}, {"question": "Help me help my wife.", "description": "So my wife told me that there are times she just wants to give up or feels like she's hanging off a cliff and I'm just \"standing there waiting for her to figure it out\". I've tried to talk to her, I've tried to take our kids off her hands (she's a stay at home mom with our four boys), tried to tell her she can just take a night off and go out with one of our friends. Nothing seems to matter and there are some days that are worse than others. Is it possible that she's got some sort of intermittent post-partum? Or is it a deeper lying depression? I want to do what I can to support her and if it's something we need to reach out for help for, I'd love some advice. Thanks!", "answer": "It\u2019s difficult to tell from your blurb how seriously these comments are meant. Is she seriously suicidal, is she making a flip comment about feeling overwhelmed, or somewhere in between? Have you noticed any other symptoms they concern you? Change in overall mood, sleep, energy, appearance? Any other information you can share would be helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bxpswc", "comment_id": "eq8zpdn"}, {"question": "[24m] Seatbelt over heart, Lying on left side all extremely uncomfortable", "description": "5\u20197, 135lb, 24m. It seems when I put any sort of extra pressure on my heart it has to work extra hard to the point where I\u2019m physically uncomfortable. \n\nAlso, every time I drink alcohol my heart seems to just become \u201ctight\u201d which makes it very hard to fall asleep after a night drinking, even 1 or 2 drinks.\n\nI\u2019m really scared since doing simple activities like putting a seat belt over my chest or lying on my left side are extremely uncomfortable. Anyone have any thoughts?", "answer": " Can you describe your symptoms in more detail?\n\nLike how fast does it start after putting on the seatbelt?\n\nIs it pain? Shortness of breath? Nausea? Palpitations? Faster breathing? Do you want to move around? Does it burn? Sting? Constant or waxing and waning? Exact location or vague location? Time of day relevant? Happen always or just sometimes?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "db236y", "comment_id": "f1yodlw"}, {"question": "First month on Metformin", "description": "Hi, I was diagnosed with PCOS a month ago after years of absent periods and uncontrollable, unexplained weight gain. I was put on Metformin to bring my period and induce ovulation, but I've been on it for a month and all I've gotten is horrible cramps and achy boobs, and no weight loss. About two weeks ago I had cramps that felt like someone had stabbed me in the butt and uterus that left me howling in pain. I want to get pregnant, but it doesn't seem like anything is happening . Am I expecting too much too soon? I'm on 850 mg twice a day.", "answer": "If your boobs are aching, maybe it's the start of a new cycle? ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3sbmdy", "comment_id": "cwvqy0n"}, {"question": "Looking for a psychometric test to characterize mood", "description": "Preferably the test would be relatively brief, be fairly quantitative, and simple to fill out. Please comment with reccomendations", "answer": "More importantly, why?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fzn58", "comment_id": "dimdhmm"}, {"question": "\u201cSuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d I hate sayings like this with all my heart.", "description": "People who say these sort of phrases have no fucking idea what it\u2019s like to be in severe pain. They have no clue whatsoever. They\u2019re either not educated on cases where people are in severe pain and don\u2019t respond to treatment or they just don\u2019t believe it. They can\u2019t believe life can be that bad that suicide is the only option. And it\u2019s because they\u2019re basing their views on their OWN experience. Their OWN feelings and thoughts which aren\u2019t the same as people contemplating suicide. \n\nIf people who say these bullshit phrases could just take a step back and think about things logically. For example, a person posts that they are going to kill themselves. They have suffered in pain for years, they are damaged, they\u2019ve tried countless treatments with no response and every day is filled with pain. Without the fortune of not being in their shoes, can they not understand why suicide is a viable option? Even if you can\u2019t feel their pain, surely the facts can speak for themselves. You have to be a fucking idiot to read about a case like that and say to them \u201csuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem\u201d or \u201cwe have to play the cards we are dealt\u201d. \n\nDo they really think that the suicidal person( after years of pain) is going to think \u201cthis quote has changed my perspective entirely. I think I\u2019m going to live now\u2019\u201d. Whether the person intends to or not, sayings like this are patronising to people who have spent months or years weighing the options. I\u2019m not saying they should just let them die if they\u2019ve posted something like that. But patronising and bullshit quotes, when you can\u2019t relate, just makes me pissed off. \n\nAlthough it\u2019s hard and the person just wants to post to let the pain out, they can\u2019t without receiving responses that make them feel patronised and stupid. In general I just hate sayings and quotes. They shouldn\u2019t be applied to be such a common thing that applies to everyone and every case. There\u2019s no right way to respond to someone suicidal, but saying quotes is not the way. Best way I can think of is just saying \u2018I\u2019m here if you need me for anything, if you want to talk\u201d. I\u2019m just a big believer in free will. No one should be confined to a life of pain.", "answer": "People who utter such inane platitudes have a blind spot where empathy should be. It\u2019s frustrating but all too common, like the guy who tells the homeless to get a job. But if you want to reduce the likelihood of suicide there is something you can do. We are currently experiencing an epidemic of suicide. Gun owners are more likely to kill themselves or have a family member commit suicide than non gun owning homes. I don\u2019t own a gun and I avoid them as best I can.\nhttps://www.hsph.harvard.edu/magazine/magazine_article/guns-suicide/", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "hhpzqn", "comment_id": "fwd7hwh"}, {"question": "Is there a term for this disastrous mindset?", "description": "I don't want to call it \"Going-crazy\" or whatever. I'm wondering if there is a term relating to this: \n\nSuddenly having an impulse idea to suddenly get up and harm ones self. Impulsive ideas to suddenly get up and run away, far far away. Suddenly feeling like offing yourself on a whim and for no known reason, idiopathically (with no known reason why, no source sad emotion). Sudden impulse ideas to rip your hair out, and cry and scream your head off (also hearing that crying and screaming you WOULD DO if you were to, in your head. You hear yourself suddenly cry and scream violently in your mind.)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIs there a term for that, that isn't \"crazy?\" .. it's such a plain word, I don't think it's very or accurate enough to call it though. Asking on behalf of observing somebody.", "answer": "Intrusive thoughts I would agree with. I would also hazard a guess that likely they are feeling very emotionally overwhelmed, based on the impulse examples you give.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e1fxjo", "comment_id": "f8owka3"}, {"question": "It's March. How do I follow up with my new year resolution?", "description": "I wanted to learn a new skill which will help with my career. I think it only lasted 2 weeks. Everyday I came home tired and just sat in front of the TV and browse Reddit. In those rare days that I managed to go to the gym I have no energy left. December will be here before you know it. What should I do?\n\n", "answer": "\\-is your work/life balance in order? Answer with yes if you come home from work with some energy left to have a private life.\n\n\\-(why) do you really want to improve?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "axft0k", "comment_id": "ei2a84p"}, {"question": "How dangerous is malnourishment at a normal weight?", "description": "I have been malnourished according to certain blood tests for around 6 months although my weight is currently normal. BMI 18. Is it really bad for the body to be malnourished even if weight stays normal and the same? Like what can happen long term if this is the case? Is it only dangerous when a person is really skinny?", "answer": "> **Detailed Submissions** \n> \n>Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. **It is mandatory to include**: Age, Sex, Height, Weight, Race, Duration of complaint, Location on body, Any diagnosed medical issues, Current medications and doses, any recreational drugs, smoking status. Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example).\n\nIn this case, we really need to know more. What blood tests? What, specifically, were you told?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m1t93", "comment_id": "e7b961m"}, {"question": "Writer seeking professional viewpoint", "description": "Hello mental health professionals. I'm in the early stages of a supernatural/horror novel that will also deal with degrees of mental illness. I have several things I'd like help with but I don't want to ask too much up front so I'll start with something hopefully simple. \n\nA main character in this book will be the ghost haunting my main characters. She's a therapist killed by a former patient whose spirit seeks out help to solver her murder. So my question is about her career. The situation is she was brand new to her career and this guy was too much for her to handle. She let him get too close so. Eventually, he really scares her, but by the time she tries to pass him off to a more experienced colleague, it's too late, and he takes it as major rejection. \n\nI know there are more careers in mental health than a straight up therapist. Would it make sense for her to be a therapist? Are there any other related careers that would make more sense with this backstory? ", "answer": "Not sure if you are hoping to make the therapist role realistic - even if she is new, most therapists are trained ahead of time to talk to their supervisors about any clients that seem too much for them, and understand boundary issues (the getting too close). Your story sounds very interesting though!Therapy and therapists are often very misrepresented in TV and film.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTherapists can be: Psychologists, Clinical Social Workers, Licensed Mental Health Counselors, Licensed Substance Abuse Counselors. Most will have a Masters Degree or PhD. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "anxwow", "comment_id": "egm9sg3"}, {"question": "I saw a saying that read \"Never get so comfortable in pain that you forget happiness is still an option\"", "description": "Just thought someone might need this.", "answer": "r/thanksimcured", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bro7we", "comment_id": "eofodgv"}, {"question": "Something my girlfriend said today [M28] [F21]", "description": "So today my girlfriend (of 4 months), her friend, and I were hanging out and we were talking about receding hairlines. My girlfriends friend mentioned how my girlfriend was very against receding hairlines and always made a big deal about it in the past. She piped in and said, as soon as that hairline starts to recede its over. I don't know if she meant that the current relationship is over or if guys in general have no chance once their hairline starts receding. \n\nThis kind of caught me off guard. I have recently noticed that my temples have started to recede a bit and it sent me into a 2 week state of panic but finally came to terms with it. Luckily I have long thick hair and even though I'm 28, I look like I have the hairline of a 20 year old. Hearing her say this brought back those fears and frankly I feel very angry towards her. I think its just really shallow and also makes me consider continuing this relationship if she is that superficial or if she is just going to break it off once she notices my hairline receding.\n\nI know I need to talk to her about it but then I have to tell her my hairline is receding and that it is one of my bigger insecurities right now ... both of which I would rather her not know. Suggestions on how to deal with this? Am I making too big of a deal about this? Thanks :)", "answer": "This one's easy. Just let her overhear you say the following to your friend: \"Yeah, once they start to get a little pooch in their belly, I'm outta there.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27o5my", "comment_id": "ci30fv5"}, {"question": "My gynecologist is dismissing my concerns and it makes me want to cry...", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS after I began to have lengthy periods. I've been bleeding since September 9th with a long, nasty period. I am very frustrated. OB put me on birth control pills. I was on the pill years ago, but it gave me all the side effects you can think of. Even still, she told me to just power through it.\n\nOne month in, and I am miserable. Nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, sudden weight gain, random headaches, mood swings, cramping, chest tightness, etc etc. I can barely function. Worse of all, the bleeding has gotten **worse**, and I have huge blood clots.\n\nI've called the OB and the resident nurse many times to report these effects, but they keep telling me it's \"normal\" and to just continue with the pill. \n\nI've consulted with Walgreens and Urgent Care, they tell me to stop the pill. But then OB tells me to continue it, and they will not give me anything else to treat me with. I can't switch providers because there's a wait time, according to my insurance.\n\nI mean, am I just being weak-willed? Will the bleeding and side effects maybe just get better as the OB claims?", "answer": "See if there is any way you can get a second opinion from your insurance, or start the process to get a new OB. Ask to speak with the head OB or supervisor, or whoever is clinical and her boss. Tell them you don\u2019t feel heard and are afraid for your health. \n\nAlso if urgent care has told you to stop the pills, that\u2019s a medical professional and you can feel safe to follow their advice. It\u2019s your body, you choose to take meds or not. If the side effects are worse than what they\u2019re treating, stop them. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7e14a5", "comment_id": "dq1vbt4"}, {"question": "My boyfriend is great, but he is so unromantic, what should I do?", "description": "I have a new boyfriend who I have strong feelings for since my last (and first) heartbreak. We were first close friends who had crushes on each other and now we are finally dating. He's such a nice guy, we have so much fun together, we are chill, we always joke, tmi but we have great intimacy! yet, he doesn't do the things that I feel like come naturally in a relationship. He doesn't ever talk about his feelings for me (unless I initiate), never holds my hand or kisses me in public(unless I initiate), and he'll go get stoned with his buddy before he sees me sometimes. I sometimes feel like I'm not that important to him or maybe he is just not into me like I am into him. Even though this sounds conceited, I am also way more attractive than him. I don't know what to do. Should I just break things off? Or should I talk to him? It seems like I can't really change how he is but I want this to work. ", "answer": "No relationship is perfect; sounds like things are going well and he's a good guy. The things you're concerned about will likely resolve with age and maturity. Though some people are never comfortable with public displays of affection. Encourage him to talk about feelings and hopefully he'll get the hang of it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wt11m", "comment_id": "decsp1k"}, {"question": "I hate the dinner roulette game", "description": "It's the one thing that bugs the hell out of me. \n\nMe: What do you want to eat?\n\nHer: I dunno. You pick.\n\nMe: Sure, let's have Chinese.\n\nHer: No... I'm not feeling that.\n\nMe: Mexican then\n\nHer: No, not that either.\n\nMe: Okay, [lists off every type of food that comes to mind for 10 minutes]\n\nHer: No... maybe Chinese.\n\nThis has happened with every girl I've dated (I'm sure some guys do this too), and it's seriously annoying. Like, I really wish we had a law of conversational etiquette where if you shoot down someone's dinner suggestion you're obligated to offer one yourself. That's all I want. I'm not Yelp.com", "answer": "I like the 5-3-1 (or 3-2-1 if you don't have many options).\n\nPerson A picks 5 places they would eat, Person B picks 3 of those, Person A picks 1 of those 3. Done and eat. If you want to be really precise about it, alternate who picks the 5.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "33h2h1", "comment_id": "cqkth4y"}, {"question": "I just started to hear voices... Help", "description": "I know I'm not mad, but it's the 3AM right now and I'm here, with my headset on, and I started to HEAR voices. Not coming from the headset, but from the real world. I just stayed there for a few minuts, and I still hear wispers, though no one is here... Is depression finally killing my mind ? Am I turning mad ?", "answer": "It\u2019s possible that you may have depression with psychosis. I\u2019d recommend seeing a psychiatrist ASAP and they might be able to give you better feedback. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "b96bos", "comment_id": "ek2icq9"}, {"question": "Howcome me [27/m] am unable to be sensitive, serious and emotional with my [24/f] GF until I am fighting to save my relationship?", "description": "I am wondering if anyone has any advice on howcome I have troubles saying to my girlfriend that she is beautiful and being affectionate and emotional, and I find I joke around more than I am serious. But when I am in a fight to save our relationship I have no issues. We just broke up today and I told how head over heals I was for her how incredible of a human being she is and I was pouring my heart into her. But if things were to be normal again. I would typically revert back to being funny and not so serious and less emotional. I hate that I do it but I for some reason just dont say those things when things are good. If I were to have said those things when things were good, I bet I would not have been in this situation.", "answer": "I like to think of emotional expressiveness as a skill set, not unlike any other kind of skill. In other words if you were a guitar player, and undisciplined, You might play your guitar a lot but you really would just be fooling around with it in a casual sort of way. But maybe some sort of performance opportunity might come along, and you would buckle down in a disciplined way to prepare for it. It's the same thing. You make an intellectual decision to do something, be it practicing your guitar seriously or telling your girlfriend how much you love her, then you practice doing it in a disciplined kind of way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sielx", "comment_id": "ddfaige"}, {"question": "My mom took my ripped out diary pages from the trash and hid them in her closet to read. Do I have the right to be mad?", "description": "Okay. Too start off, here's why I even have a diary.\n\n1: I'm questioning my gender and sexuality but I have conservative parents who know this fact. It's too much for me to not write down my thoughts. \n\n2: I have a lot of anxiety, gender dysphoria and depression. It's hard for me not to vent to at least my private journal.\n\nSo I keep a journal that harbors all my private thoughts, my deepest secrets, and issues. I don't hold back because it makes me feel like someones listening to me without being judgmental. I love poetry and books and I'm very quiet which doesn't help the fact that I'm home schooled. I have no friends and I don't trust the family I live with, though I do have a sister-in-law who's closer to me than my full blooded sister, which is why I don't like to call her my sister-in-law. But she lives up in Tennessee and it's kind of hard to call someone when you're grounded from your phone, so I keep to myself. \n\nOkay, back to my journal. Recently, I through out some pages in my journal because I felt bad about some of the things I said. See, I write most of the stuff in there raw or in the heat of the moment. Today, I thought me and this other family were going to the gym to work out like normal so, I looked in my moms closet for a sports bra. My moms closet has a shelf at the top for hats and such. On that shelf I saw some oddly familiar bunched up pieces of paper, partly shoved under a rectangular picture frame. When I pulled of the paper I was mortified. It was the same paper I through away! I took the papers and ran them to my room to put them in my closet.\n\n I know it has to be my mom who stole them because my dad's out all day, and my mom takes out the trash. This isn't the first time she done something like this. What should I do??", "answer": "Of course you have the right to be mad, you have the right to some privacy. Granted, you're a teenager (I assume), so the privacy you have is limited, but it's important because you're figuring out your identity and who you are, separate from your parents - this is an important part of growing up.\n\nNow, as for what to do... you said your parents are conservative, but you didn't mention specifically how they feel about your gender/sexuality. Have they shown disapproval in the past?\n\nYour mom may have taken those diary pages, which is not ok... but I wonder why she hasn't confronted you about them. She may just be trying to understand where you are coming from and what you are thinking. Many people of conservative upbringing simply don't understand what its like being LGBT+ just because they've never known anyone who was.\n\nI recommend talking to them about it. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, so use your judgment as for how to go about it - but maybe explaining some of the thoughts you have, and how it makes you feel that they invaded your privacy - without getting confrontational about it - might be helpful. It might not, tbf. But make it clear to them that you want to get along with them, you just want to be accepted for who you are, and you want the space to figure this stuff out without judgment. Good luck", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9bn9c", "comment_id": "fiqswv9"}, {"question": "Something weird happens when I drink...", "description": "19 yr old female, lightweight drinker.\nSo this is completely out of the ordinary, and my chances of getting an answer are probably pretty slim, but...when I drink alcohol, sometimes the skin around my belly button begins to hurt. \nIt usually only happens when I drink ( it has happened other times but very seldom) but after a few drinks (maybe 3-4) the skin around my belly button starts to get really tense and feel almost like a hard bruise. There is no visible bump or raised skin, but on the inside, the skin gets really tight and tender. Can't really think of why this would be, any help would be appreciated on this peculiar matter! ", "answer": "No idea - sorry!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56f6ku", "comment_id": "d8kqope"}, {"question": "Can I have some advice on what to do with a REALLY toxic person.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "If you want to keep them as a friend and see some potential there, it's really important for you to tell them 2 things. \n\n1. How their insults make you feel.\n2. That you need them to stop doing it. \n\n\nIf they are genuinely interested in being your friend and not your bully they'll make an effort to do better. If it keeps on happening you have to make the decision of it's worth it for you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmlht", "comment_id": "dzwngbg"}, {"question": "me and my bf, 30's. stupid fight, no agreement, feeling resentful.", "description": "we fought because reasons. I think he was being insensitive he thinks I was being unreasonable. whatever. \n\nwe fight about it, no real conclusions are made. we both share how we feel and why we feel that way and what was going through our heads when we said what we said. \n\nbut there is no resolution. he still doesn't think what he did was rude and I still think he was really thoughtless and blew me off. like its not a big enough deal to keep fighting about it or anything but it's just on my mind. how do I resolve this? with him or myself?\n\nTL,DR: had a fight, no clear right/wrong, no real apologies. how to move on without feeling resentful?", "answer": "Ah... this is the crux of a long term meaningful relationship. This is what separates maturity from immaturity. Sometimes, there IS NO clear resolution. You simply feel differently about something, the way people feel differently about god or abortion. The answer: you have to look at the totality of the relationship. We're all a package deal, and the couples who can let go of stuff because the bulk of the package is so wonderful, are the couples that live happily ever after.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9wev", "comment_id": "dkfqr9e"}, {"question": "How can I tell if a man is interested?", "description": "I have a strange problem where I think more than half the men that I interact with are interested in me. I just get that \"vibe\" all the time. I was wondering if you guys could help me with some signs and real evidence so that I can keep my ego in check and have some perspective on what is actually going on? How do you behave when you're into a woman? What do you do out of habit that might give a woman the impression that you dig her when you don't? \n\nEdit: I'm flat chested and have weird teeth, but strangers stop me sometimes to tell me I'm beautiful. I guess this is part of my issue, it seems like most men I talk to are interested in me but I feel like they can't be because I'm so strange looking and awkward. ", "answer": "There's a simple test to tell if a guy's interested:\n\nIf he's ever talked to you for more than 30 seconds, he's interested.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "iwodu", "comment_id": "c279v0n"}, {"question": "Advice on getting evaluated for ADHD under parent's insurance?", "description": "I've decided that it might be a good idea to get evaluated to see if a doctor thinks I have Inattentive ADHD, but I'm worried my parent's will disapprove over me getting on meds if I do have it. I'm under their Tricare from my dad's prior military service until I turn 21 (another year). My parents have always been against me using my prescribed medication if it's some type of addictive drug such as codeine for when I tore ligaments in my ankle. Has anybody had to go through convincing your parents that the meds might help? If so, what are some key points to bring up to possibly convince/ease their mind?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTL;DR: Need advice on convincing parents that it's okay to get evaluated and that the meds might help if I do actually have ADHD (Parents are against abusable substances)", "answer": "If you\u2019re over 18, you don\u2019t need their consent to go to a doctor and use the insurance or to fill a prescription at the pharmacy. However, they will likely be informed if you do through an explanation of benefits which the insurance company sends and explains what services they paid for.\n\nBasically, they will probably find out about it after the fact, but they can\u2019t stop you from using the insurance and receiving treatment unless they decide to completely take you off their insurance at some point, which would be a pretty insane reaction. \n\nEdit because I forgot to address the other part of your question: if you want to try to convince them first, talk to them about ADHD as a neurological condition and present information on this. You wouldn\u2019t deny someone with Parkinson\u2019s disease their medication. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a0kpz4", "comment_id": "eaic6ui"}, {"question": "Happily married, still love being a tease. What is the boundary?", "description": "I' m 30, married and with kids. I love my wife, adore my two daughters. Everything is good with my wife, hobbies, sex life, fantastic mutual support.\nOnly one thing bugs me: I have always loved women, in the way that every time I go out I end up having long, tense talking and maybe even dancing with the sweetest face in the place. Getting married and having kids didn't stop this love. I think that it is the combination of having a ring on my left hand and being truly fascinated by the other person (the exact opposite of just-bang-you mentality) that gives me a tremendous success. \nI never kiss them. I never exchange numbers nor facebooks, basically since I live in a big city I'll never see them again. No big deal. Yet for a few hours I'm back at being the carefree college guy that I'll never be again. Before i made my choiches, mostly good choiches but still choiches made wich by definition means \"less possible futures\". I play a \"sliding doors\" game in my head. I feel I'm cheating life itself, escaping life's duties.\n\n\nAm I doing something wrong?", "answer": "You're not cheating. You're enjoying a little fantasy without crossing an overt boundary. But some people feel smiling too much at a waitress is cheating, so it depends more on your spouse's definition.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "782qpc", "comment_id": "doqjbeq"}, {"question": "Woot Woot, 30 days!!!! without AA", "description": "I have made it to 30 days AND I haven't gone to AA and I will tell you why although this may sound stupid and irrational. I would like to believe that my decision not to go to AA is a somewhat educated decision. I know that in order for AA to work you need to go on a continuous basis and you need to follow the 12 steps. I also know that this has worked for countless people everywhere. My decision not to go is based on what I know about myself. First and foremost I have a horrible time with following through on things which causes me stress. I also have a problem with following directions all the time, which causes me stress. I have a problem with people counting on me for things, in fact the more people count on me for something the more stressed out I become. As you can see there is a pattern forming here, a lot of things cause me stress. For the most part I can avoid the things that cause me stress for those things that I can't avoid I turn to alcohol. So my theory, up to this point, is to avoid adding another stresser to my life. Like I said it may sound crazy but that is how my twisted mind works. ", "answer": "First of all congratulations on 30 days.\n\nI will say that the twelve steps are designed so that some of the things you mentioned are addressed so they don't cause you stress in the future. \n\nI don't know what your goal is with sobriety, but if you are attempting to be abstinent for a significant period of time, I can promise you things that stress you will come up. Especially in the categories you listed. \n\nAll that said, I don't recommend going at it without a program of recovery. Because when those things come up if you don't have any new tools to help you out then you will almost invariably resort to your old tool. The great thing is you have options in respect to what program you want to work. Your sobriety is your own, so do as you please, but I do know going at it without any support or program will be exponentially harder. \n\nAgain congratulations on the big 30 and I wish you luck on having that number continuing to rise.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h76rr", "comment_id": "carhnp1"}, {"question": "Habitual cheater!", "description": "So I got caught for the second time... I really ruined the relationship. She gave me another chance and I disregarded her feelings and screwed up anyways. I know there is no possible way for me to ever make amends with her. I'm just lost.. it's tough, I ruined one of the greatest things in my life.....what do I do? I'd love to get her back, but I understand her heart maybe to broken for me to mend. I need help, or just some advice to be able to get through this. I know I'm at fault, and she needs her space... any thoughts? ", "answer": "Go see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fqvg4", "comment_id": "dikeuwl"}, {"question": "Just broke through to a student in a way I never thought I would.", "description": "I'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there. Anyways, I've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid. He's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically. He's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.\n\nAnyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: \nhttp://www.welovefine.com/849-2002-large/just-got-20-cooler.jpg\n\nI'm not a Brony and I don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but I knew this was my way in. Some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and I thought of a way to quickly bond with this student. \n\nI assigned group work and while I was walking around checking on the groups, I walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"Bro-hoof\". He gave me a fist bump and I swear his face lit up brighter than even I thought could be possible. He smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student. It's so crazy to see how a fist bump (Bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory I've had to learn to be a teacher. \n\nLife is funny. \n\nEDIT: Thanks for the kind messages and Reddit Gold!! ", "answer": "That is awesome. You are a gem :) \n \nI had a similar experience with minecraft and cell phone games. Where I live, it's \"weird\" for an adult to admit they are interested in such \"childish\" things, but relating to the kids about them really got me \"in\" when I'd been hovering on the outside.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "camb53k"}, {"question": "Quick better-way-to-say", "description": "Thanks for sorting new!\n\nHow do I point out a repeating behavior better than \"You do that a lot\"? Or is there something even better I could do to get someone to notice their reactions/prejudices?\n\nThanks again!", "answer": "\"That sounds a lot like the story you told me about....\"\n\n\"Didn't the same thing happen last week with _____?\"\n\n\"From what you told me , it seems like ______ is really (stressful/triggering/complicated/painful/confusing) for you.\"\n\n\"If I remember correctly , this isn't the first time _______.\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gj9xm2", "comment_id": "fqjpzxh"}, {"question": "I [24/m] am unable to find love, and I need to talk about it", "description": "Ever since my childhood, I have been an introverted and unusual person. Obsession with various philosophical, geometrical, and musical matters and a lack of interest in \"small talk\" and non-teleological human interaction makes it very difficult for me to find someone who likes me for who I am. I don't want to have to pretend to be a \"normal\" extraverted person.\n\nI am not good-looking, but I'm not ugly either. I have considered surgery to improve my face, but I think that my main issue is not my appearance after all, but my unusual sphere of interests and social difficulties--I may appear \"normal\" at first, but eventually I \"scare\" people by reducing everything to principles and philosophy, which scarcely rises to the level of nonsense in the opinions of most.\n\nI understand that my written language is very \"dry\", but in person I am not necessarily that way. I am a happy person overall, passionate about a lot things, but obtaining and maintaining a relationship seems utterly impossible.\n\nCan I please have some positive reinforcement? I appreciate constructive criticism, including negative such, so don't hold back. \n\nWhere can I meet people (I am into women) who share interests with or happily put up with a person like me? I may be mentally disabled in some subtle way, but I seriously do not understand.\n\nThank you in advance. :)\n\nEDIT: adding a couple of excerpts from demos that I am recording in preparation for my first \"album\". My reason for doing so, I suppose, is that I find my true self to be expressed most clearly in my music, however disturbed or silly that may seem.\n\nhttp://vocaroo.com/i/s0V6GJUlZHCV\n\nhttp://vocaroo.com/i/s0f2qgvronF3", "answer": "join social activities like meet up.com ,etc. go on dating sites to get experience with first dates and communicating. go SLOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64qkh9", "comment_id": "dg486e5"}, {"question": "i am an uncurable delusional person with OCD who wants to scream because no one supports or replies to me here and no one understands!", "description": "i already take zoloft genius but i stil have this 1 ''phenomenon'' that has destroyed my life, my happiness, my will to live, i can't stop thinking about my reaction to a unsettling event that happened last year, i have practically habitually created a figment in my mind where i feel something is not right leading to psychosomatic feelings of Severe Nausea and Dissociation, i am confident this is not OCD now and rather a Form of psychosis and Dissociation created by me mentally, i actually believe this ''energy'' comes from a higher place out to torment me, this all stemmed from an event and the way i reacted to that, who knows what it is, PTSD? Flashback? Psychosis?", "answer": "You're putting this comment in an OCD forum. If this is even in part OCD, treat it like it is. Stop reinforcing the idea that it's real, and start acting like it's the figment of your imagination that's uncomfortable, but not the end of the world. \n\nLastly, have you tried meeting with a therapist who specializes in OCD? If not do this. If you have, and believe they didn't understand you, then try another one. If they are all telling you it's not the reality you think it is, then you may be wrong in your assumptions that it's a delusion. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6p12az", "comment_id": "dklyloe"}, {"question": "Psychology Professor", "description": "So I'm in a basic psychology class for college and my professor is apparently a psychologist for prisoners or people sentenced to a psychologist in order to better themselves with mental help.\n\nBased on how she talks about mental illnesses, she should not be involved. I understand it's a basic psych class and she's not supposed to go into HUGE detail on the disorders, but she uses examples. \n\nOne example was for Borderline Personality Disorder. \"Guys, say you find a girl who cuts herself, or has scars from cutting herself. you RUN from her.\"\n\nAnother was for OCD. \"Do they have white or off-white carpets? Do they clean nonstop? are their clothes folded neatly no matter what? that's OCD.\" from my understanding, that's not all OCD is.\n\nI get it. she oversimplifies disorders due to the nature of the class. but. some of the things she says are SO toxic. She has no idea what some of her students are going through, but makes comments about how if you have *blank* disorder, people should run from you bc you're too insane to love.\n\nShe also asks students personal questions during lecture and when the student is VISIBLY uncomfortable continuing their response, she keeps at it until they fess up everything.\n\nI just find myself very upset with how she explains things and how even as a psychologist, she's perpetuating negative stigmas about certain disorders. how the fuck do I deal with this for a whole semester?", "answer": "Doesn't sound like a great professor. Sounds like they can be pretty offensive too. Sorry you have to deal with that. On the other hand, learn what you can and leave the rest to the side. Honestly, while I think that joke or explanation of BPD isn't funny and in poor taste, I've heard a lot worse.\n\n\nLife is going to be full of great people along with plenty of rude, inconsiderate, and offensive people. There are going to be plenty of times you and your classmates are pushed outside of your comfort zones emotionally in the real world and the folks doing it won't care whether you're visibly uncomfortable with it or not. \n\n\nThe thing is with college, whether it feels like it all the time or not, it is safe. You can always drop a class, you can talk to the department heads, you can talk to the dean if you absolutely have to. I encourage only doing any of those things as an absolute last resort. \n\n\nSounds like the professor sucks. You may be learning a great deal more that will help you in life by figuring out how you can cope with this type of person and still get what you need than what you're learning from the subject material. That's my attempt to try to put a positive spin on a bad situation. \n\n\nHope things get better for you. Best of luck! ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9j120r", "comment_id": "e6o61lv"}, {"question": "How not to be broke?", "description": "I feel like with every week comes a new hobby and the intense urge to buy everything as I become utterly obsessed. Typical \ud83d\ude02 How have you learned to combat the impulsive hobby buys???", "answer": "Have you tried paying for things in cash instead of with a card? Studies show that seeing the physical money leaving our wallets helps us spend less than when we use a credit card.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a72cg0", "comment_id": "ebzv69u"}, {"question": "Anyone else find themselves paranoid about the most ridiculous things? ", "description": "My anxiety comes and goes, and some days are better than others (I'm sure it's like this for most of you). However, I've come to realize that it's making me paranoid about a few things. \n\nReal example: The other day I picked up this neat clock for my room. I had it plugged in all night, and then the next day I was extremely anxious. For some ungodly reason, I thought that it was the clock that had made me sick. Something with it had made my anxiety worse, made me dizzier, made me more nauseous. I know this is crazy to think about, but it just is what I came up with. It's been that way with a few things, if I do or eat or get something and then have anxiety the day after, I blame it on anything that changed in my 'normal' routine. \n\nI'll end up usually avoiding those things, with the fear that my anxiety will be aggravated by it again. Does anyone else experience something like this? ", "answer": "My anxiety steams from a lot of stupid shit.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "wlwbg", "comment_id": "c5eltky"}, {"question": "Everytime you say \"No\" to an invite, just remember that there may not be another one.", "description": "I was thinking about this today -- how I lost touch and connections with a few people I wanted to keep in contact with over the years. One girl in particular, B, was really cool and funny and invited me to a bunch of parties and bar openings. I always declined because I'm not much of a drinker, and preferred to just go over to her place to hang out and smoke. \n\nBut eventually, she stopped asking me to places. She responded days late to my text requests to hang out and always had an excuse for why she couldn't hang out. In the end, I stopped trying. In hindsight, I don't blame her: all I wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV. She wanted to be more social and do more fun things outside. \n\nWhenever someone invites you someplace, they are taking a risk. No one likes to be told \"no\" and they are risking rejection by simply asking you. It takes a lot to invite someone somewhere. Just remember that, the next time you say \"no\" to an invite, it may be your last invite from that person. They will stop trying eventually. If you want to keep them around as friends, you have to do some of the things they like to do. Go to bar openings even if you don't drink -- have a coke and talk to people. They are more concerned with themselves than with you, so don't worry about how you look. Just enjoy the experience. ", "answer": "This is great advice. And one of my good friends (former fwb) just never wanted to do the things that we wanted to do, and it tended to revolve around hanging out with her one on one, but she was never down for a lot of the group activities that we would want to do in our circle. So, she got excluded. Then she got mad when she got excluded. So, we were careful about whether we were inviting her or not and did not talk about things that we were doing together that we hadn't explicitly invited her to. This has led to her not really being part of the friend group anymore. And since, she feels bad, she has put up her walls and doesn't go out of the way to try to set up group events and hangouts. \n\nAnd since I have a girlfriend now, it's a bit awkward for me to talk to her or hang out with her one on one, so I tend to avoid it. \n\nEdit: I would love for someone else to give her this advice. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "20yd0j", "comment_id": "cg80lr7"}, {"question": "Protective Depression?", "description": "I started to think that my depression is of protective nature.. when it lifts a bit , my ADHD gets worse immediately.. My head is literally burning for a week now.. I'm always bored , can't seem to find something interesting.. Don't know what to do but restless , desperate.. the worst part is I cannot connect with people.. I can't control it.. when I take my meds it's okay.. but I'm unhappy.. like something constantly trying to stop me.. my natural flow.. \n\nwhen I'm depressed at least I have no energy , I don't wanna go outside , or do anything really , my mind is more at ease , mostly procrastinating.. I don't have any sex drive.. it takes a while to get bored.. I can focus.. I don't know man.. ", "answer": "Have you tried any other meds, OP? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab8ws1", "comment_id": "ecycz71"}, {"question": "help", "description": "It's not so easy.\n\nI did stuff - help in the NHS. I managed 54 days, at the start of the year, and 30 days this past month.\n\nBut it's hard. I drank a lot last night. I have the sweats, the fears, the shakes, the nervousness, the sense of doom, the disappointment at giving up my streak.\n\nI'm thinking of attending an AA session in the next few days. I am a mathematician - there's no higher power for me. I hope it will still work.\n\nI'm alone, and I'm scared. And let me tell you, hangovers are not so easy in the UK right now with this stupid heat! :-)\n\nDavid\n\n\\-edit- Thank you for all the messages of support, they are appreciated. I found a meeting nearby, and plan to attend soon.", "answer": "I agree....we all have our own vision of our best life. It can be anything. What do you want..health, relationships...? Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91ifjz", "comment_id": "e2yhtn9"}, {"question": "Need some advice. Should I find a new psychiatrist? Was she doing the right thing?", "description": "I seriously don't believe i have bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist didn't even ask many questions. She literally was like so why are you here and i said for a psych eval. First of all she didn't talk for like 5 minutes and was on her computer typing away and then she said that. I had to figure out what to tell her and it was never in order. It was like everywhere and i have horrible memory in general plus i haven't slept for so damn long so it was even worse. Thankfully, i brought my 16 page diary and she said she didn't have time to read it and didn't want to take it and read it after the intake or when she was off work. She didn't give me anything for the anxiety and worrying that i do. I think i should've just got prozac and that's it.I don't even think i have symptoms of bipolar disorder. She said the anxiety, the worrying, the excessive spending, and the seeing things or hearings or thinking someone is coming after me is a part of bipolar disorder. She said i have bipolar with psychotic features. I'm gonna get a second opinion. I think she just wanted to give me something to get her money's worth.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI have a horrible time telling people my issues unless im directly asked. I thought she was gonna ask all the questions the social worker asked 2 days ago. She didn't even ask me if i was having suicidal thoughts but i told her after we were sort of done. She just didn't seem like she cared but just wanted to push pills on me. I mainly went to see her because I haven't slept well or at all for the past 25 days and because I had severe episodes of panic within a week and ended up in the hospital twice because of it. I have been seeing stuff and have been paranoid but its not the same as it has been in the past. Should I look for another psychiatrist? I waited for so long to see her and she didn't seem as well rounded or professional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe even asked me how to spell some medications that I'm allergic to. I told her I'm using CBD and she said cannabis and i said no it's cannabidiol and she couldn't spell it. I just think she half assed her job and didn't really care. She barely looked at me in the beginning until she started asking some questions and then gave me a diagnosis. This was obviously an intake and I was there I think for maybe an hour or a little bit less. Waited to see her for 10-15 minutes. I was also on time. Then the receptionist tells me I can't be more than 5 minutes late because she's seeing patients back to back. But it's okay for her to be 15 minutes late???! Like wtf. Anyway, I would like to get some advice from a psychiatrist specifically but input from other doctors are welcome.\n\n&#x200B;\n\np.s.- Forgot to mention that she prescribed me risperidone and trileptal. Would like some advice on whether I should take them or not. Also,forgot to mention that they accidentally gave me a psychiatrist who only sees adolescents. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age: 25\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'1 1/2\n* Weight: 90 lbs\n* Race: Asian\n* Duration of complaint: a day or two\n* Location (Geographic and on body): N/A\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): ADHD, Anxiety, high blood pressure\n* Current medications (if any): Chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Xanax 0.25mg, Ativan 0.5mg\n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "If you're asking us whether or not you have bipolar disorder, I'd say I don't know.\n\nYou told us a lot about what she did, but little about your complaints and what brought you to her. \n\nI can tell that you feel like the conversation you had was not pleasant, and I am sorry for that. Hopefully your relationship with her will improve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chmycz", "comment_id": "euvkx30"}, {"question": "Haven't self harmed in 6 months", "description": "And I feel like doing it again tonight because I can't handle the stress and I feel like I need to punish myself for wasting so much time. I don't deserve anyone who try hard to make my life better. I feel utterly useless. I don't think I can do this anymore ", "answer": "\"Deserving\" stuff isn't real. Who makes the rules on who deserves what? \n\n\nI deleted the rest of my comment bc I realized OP wasn't asking for advice. OP, let me know if you want advice and I'll pm you my original comment.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "65t1cp", "comment_id": "dgdfp1e"}, {"question": "Have you ever had a client that you didnt think needed therapy?", "description": "Basically the title - I am considering getting therapy, but am worried a therapist would think I was fine and wouldn't need it. Kind of similar to how I dont like to go to a doctor due to being concerned that the doctor will think that I'm fine and just wanting attention or wasting their time. \nSo I was just wondering if a therapist would ever think that kind of thing about a client.", "answer": "If a person goes to therapy because they want attention or is wasting time - that is important clinical information! That would indicate they need some help. \n\nIf someone told me they want therapy but is afraid their therapist thinks they are wasting time , I would want to process that. \n\nThere are people who are well functioning and have great coping skills , but are facing a short-term stressor and benefit from talking it out. They don't need long term therapy, but like to discuss a few things with an impartial third party .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g6cwre", "comment_id": "fo8uzcz"}, {"question": "Going on day 3 of no drinking after a month-long bender, feeling a huge amount of anger and resentment", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "If you hang in there those feelings will lessen and you will be surprised at how much better you will feel. I had some time, then relapsed and struggled with the same feelings of hopeless and thinking what\u2019s the point of this anyways. I relapsed multiple times over a period of two and a half years, and everything was miserable. I finally gave myself a chance, even though I didn\u2019t believe I would ever feel okay again. It is a little over a year of sobriety later right now, and I can\u2019t begin to tell you how much better I feel. I\u2019m not skipping down the streets or anything like that, but I do feel a sense of feeling okay that I haven\u2019t felt in a while. Give yourself a chance; those emotions and feelings in the beginning are unbelievably tough. My emotions were as bad as ever this last time, but they eventually improved when I allowed them the time to. Might take some time to feel better, but you will if you hang in there. Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fmxmsi", "comment_id": "fl7c32r"}, {"question": "OCD makes me think of FUCKED up shit", "description": "i see my family my friends everyone i care about being tortured in the most horrific ways and it plays on repeat in my head and i don't even believe in god but every time i pray out of desperation to make this shit go away it just puts more satanic images in my head. then it twists my intentions and tells me I'm a monster and i will somehow be responsible for acts of pure evil. i can't take this anymore, i shake so bad all the time and people think i smoke meth, i've been so ridiculed all my life and it makes me react to anyone even jokingly insulting me with anger and violence. i can't do this anymore, i can't even kill myself because i'm scared i'm going to end up in hell for that and be eternally tortured for trying to escape this suffering. i'm losing my sanity and i have completely changed. i am miserable all the time and it seems like the only way this could have ever been different is if i were never born. i can't do shit it's gotten so bad, i'm mentally handicapped and i feel like a fucking retard and i hate myself for it and i fantasize about my own death almost all day every day. please help me", "answer": "You are not your thoughts. OCD is one of the cruelest mental illnesses, because it has a way of finding whatever you care more about and hijacking it. As a matter of fact if you *didn't* care about it those obsessive thoughts wouldn't have any power, so your OCD will *always* try to find what disturbs or scares you most. The problem is that the more you try to make those thoughts go away, the more power your OCD will have. \n\nYou are not a bad person, you are a person with OCD. The good news is that OCD is treatable. Look for a therapist in your area that specializes in Exposure Response Prevention (ERP), it is the most effective treatment for OCD. It's not an easy road, but things can absolutely get better. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "93yfqs", "comment_id": "e3hllgo"}, {"question": "I feel completely awake and jittery even though I didn't sleep a minute in 29 hours", "description": "Age:20 Sex:F Race: Mixed White and Black Duration of complaint: 2 weeks but getting worse\n\n Been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. Medications: not right now \n\n I've been trying to cut down my weed smoking to once or twice a day 5 days a week or less. Also have been trying to stop juuling, i probably hit it about 10 times a day. Not a drinker or any other drugs.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo for about 3 years of my life, up until December 2018, I have been on lamotrigne 400mg, latuda 90mg. Then starting in January 2018 I started naltrexone 50mg, and trazodone. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI used to sleep from 9pm-8am the next day. More if I was particularly depressed. Lately I haven't been able to fall asleep until about 3:30am. I would usually get up around 12. My job is in the evening so I don't start until 2 or so and work until 8. I usually take a sleep med like zzquil to fall asleep but last night I didn't. I was a little anxious from work and the jitters from the anxiety are still apparent and seems to be getting more noticeable. Im fidgety, which is something I'm not usually.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI am not tired at all and I've taken 10mg of melatonin.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI feel like i drank 5 coffees a half hour ago. I \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "If you're on lamotrigine, are you sure your diagnosis isn't Bipolar Disorder?\n\nYou should contact your psychiatrist, because you might be having manic symptoms. Lamotrigine won't help with mania; needs different mood-stabilizing medication, such as lithium.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amizhk", "comment_id": "efmje8s"}, {"question": "Neuropsych Eval - Worried AF", "description": "27F. Never been diagnosed.\n\nI have a neuropsych eval coming up in June. It\u2019s so far out and it could have such big consequences. I don\u2019t know what to expect. I don\u2019t know and the not knowing is overwhelming me.\n\nRecently I\u2019ve been lurking on all these adhd subreddits and I\u2019m like \u201coh.\u201d It\u2019s like being both overwhelmed and underwhelmed but still shocked to the point your mind just says \u201cyes, this is you\u201d and then you double back and say but \u201cmaybe not.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m worried about confirmation bias. I\u2019m worried about messing up the eval by blanking when I get there of all my struggles or that the eval doctor will look at me and just be like \u201cnope\u201d and I\u2019m back at square one. \n\nLife feels like I\u2019m incapably crashing through while juggling things and dropping things as often as I pick things up. It\u2019s a mess no matter my effort. I\u2019ve crashed and burned at so many points but I get up and keep trying. And the only reason my life hasn\u2019t crashed and burned significantly in the last three years is that I now work for family. There\u2019s a lot of grace there even though I\u2019m surrounded by messy piles, forget-or-put-off-until-absolutely-urgent-or-already-past-due. Always late. Forgetful. Disorganized. Distracted. Lists but never looking back at them. Yet I know where things are... mostly. And I have the hardest time starting things. But when I do start getting things done I ride that wave of work and focus for as long as I can.\n\nAnd there\u2019s a lot of social/relation stuff too. That rejection and criticism and making/keeping friends is hard and so I keep myself at a distance a lot... I feel incapable and socially dumb.\n\nI\u2019m better when I keep busy but it\u2019s always a time cascade. When I\u2019m not busy... I\u2019m bored and can\u2019t seem to do anything.\n\nHow do I remember and explain it all?\n\nIs it best not to know what to expect before the eval? ", "answer": "I feel you. It really kind of is a big deal. I'm actually a neuropsychologist and have diagnosed clients with ADHD (yes. i am aware of the irony.), so in case you would like to know anything, holla at me :)", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "b9esv1", "comment_id": "ek45ebf"}, {"question": "My therapist has no clue...", "description": "After many arguments with my mother begging her to call back to the mental health clinic I was trying to get into, I was finally able to get an appointment a few months ago. So far I've been to three appointments and my last appointment led to me FINALLY being diagnosed with something (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), but I apparently also have an unknown personality disorder.\nNow, I have major interest in psychology and have research symptoms, read up on everything, and gave my therapist a few suggestions as to what I was believing it may have been. I didn't say \"this is what I have start treating me\", I simply mentioned my two suggestions as to what I felt was the closest symptom wise.\n\nThe first being Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I listed my symptoms, explained why I believed mostly that it may be this. I told her I had frequent mood swings that weren't long term and were happening rapidly within seconds. These emotions are intense, lack of black and white feelings so I was either extremely angry, extremely depressed, or extremely happy and when I experience these, as I like to call, episodes, they seem to be over just as quickly as they started up. This is when I go on the plane of numbness as I call it. I feel no emotion I'm just tired. There are a handful of other things that go on that also lead me to this, my constant paranoia of being abandoned (which happened, my ex left me saying I was a piece of shit for being mentally ill and all this other shit. I cut off contact with him), making up things that aren't really happening in relationships with people (i.e. He's not talking to me, he's cheating on me. He's ignoring me. He doesn't want me anymore, so on and so forth), I begin to think really silly things at times that make zero sense and are illogical as far as about normal everyday things and relationships, everything is boring to me now even if I used to enjoy it. It's just a mess that causes me to stress and panic.\n\nNow, I know this mood disorder is something major. I know it can lead to MANY problems in my life and make it very difficult to hold relationships, but the point of me bringing it up was the fact I was showing a lot of the symptoms and I know I listed a few, but those were the ones I could think of right now with my brain being so foggy. My therapist and I discussed this at the last appointment:\n\nMania/Bipolar is out of the questions since my mood swings aren't more long term (lasting only seconds instead of days), Borderline Personality Disorder was ruled out for ONE reason being \"you were in a relationships for two and a half years so you can't have BPD\"... What? From my understanding it's 5 or more symptoms and you have been diagnosed. I show up to 8. The logic behind it not being BPD and it being \"unknown\" was being able to hold onto a horrid relationship for two and a half years. It had never been stable, him and I were always walking on glass, and I would rip it all to shreds in a matter of seconds if I could WITH ZERO REASON and I loved this guy, I still do, we were doing great until I started getting sick and symptoms got worse. The duration of my relationship should have nothing to do with it... but the QUALITY should.\n\nAnyway, I walked out of the office extremely confused as to what my unknown personality disorder is and they have zero clue what it could be. The only thing brought up about it was my anxiety is causing it, but I've had anxiety my whole life and I've never been like this as far as my emotions spinning how they are. I don't know. I just wonder if I should seek another opinion or switch therapists.\n\nI left out info about myself so I'll include that. I'm a 17 year old female who literally has zero clue what to do anymore. I also forgot to mention my second idea was early schizophrenia, which I knew wasn't too close, but a few signs were there, but I wasn't exactly 100% set on this might be it and brought it up simply to see what my therapists thoughts were.", "answer": "First, some of the symptoms you described, while difficult and difficult to handle for you sound to me like normal teenage feelings just blown up. That means that they might get easier to handle as you get older. Being 17 isn't easy for anyone, I remember my teen years, but it sounds like you've had a more difficult time than you deserve. \n \nSecond, while I don't understand your therapist's reasoning for ruling out BPD, I'm neither your therapist nor a licensed therapist in general. But, what I can tell you is that I have encountered many people diagnosed with \"Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified\". It's really common. My understanding is that because personality disorders are so broad, an individual can am have a few symptoms from column A, a few from column B, as is the nature of personality. I hope this isn't a barrier to your treatment, but it is possible. What you can do, though, is ask why your therapist ruled it out so quickly. \n \nNow, don't despair about your treatment! Finding a therapist isn't an easy task, and if the fit with your current therapist isn't good, try to find another. I know you said getting the first appointment wasn't easy, but if you don't feel your mental health is benefiting, you should look into something different. \n \nFinally, I want to caution you against researching symptoms. Schizophrenia is possible, but with what you've said here, I doubt it's what you're dealing with. And when you're with your therapist, focus more on being as accurate in your depiction of your symptoms individually, and let the therapist put it all together. \n \nGood luck! It probably all feels like too much right now, but if you just focus on trying to get better, things can improve. \n \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25o0ze", "comment_id": "chj32c3"}, {"question": "Being hungover and \"recovering all day\" was just a mask to hide my depression.", "description": " I'm feeling depressed today for a number of reasons. I'm laying low, watching movies and just recovering from a heavy emotional week. I haven't felt depressed in awhile, and even when I have it's only a few days. I'm already feeling a bit better and up and about my place.\n\nThis got me thinking about when I was younger and drinking heavily. It was such a nice excuse to use to stay in bed and not talk to anybody all day that I was hungover and recovering. And then when I was drinking three or four nights a week, the same thing. I was in this cycle of drinking and recovering, and thinking that it was normal.\n\nNow that I'm really far away from all of that, I'm starting to grieve and come to terms with the reality of how I was living. I was drinking to escape pain, and I was masking my depression as recovery from the drinking. I just kept running from those two emotions and I needed more and more alcohol and more and more sex and more and more porn to cover it up.\n\nNow that I don't rely on my addictions to numb my emotions, I get to feel them fully, the highs and the lows. Today is definitely a low, and that's okay. I will treat it, I will process it, and tomorrow is a new day.", "answer": "Same. It's a humbling process. Thanks for posting. IWNDWYT :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhf6os", "comment_id": "f3nz6ju"}, {"question": "End of a 10 year relationship.", "description": "My 10 year relationship recently ended yesterday, and this might seem pathetic but, because of my issues with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, I\u2019m afraid I won\u2019t find anyone else to love me or be with me... He was all I knew and he was my everything, ever since I was 14 to now at 24... I don\u2019t know how to cope or move on yet, and I\u2019m prone to getting overly attached to people and things, I guess as a form of comfort, so I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll never move on. I just need advice I guess and I didn\u2019t know where to turn... ", "answer": "It may hurt really bad now but honestly you probably dodged a bullet. It's fairly unlikely that high school romances lead healthy lifelong relationships but unfortunately so many folks try to make it work out, get married too young, have kids, etc. only to realize at middle age they screwed up their life. \n\n\nIt might take a while to grieve the loss of this relationship, but once you do, you'll be ready to grow so much as a person as you learn what it's like to have to function on your own and also learn what to do with the freedom to date as an adult. \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aexqix", "comment_id": "edtpaa3"}, {"question": "Last night I limited my drinking so I could drive home", "description": "I'm normally a stickler for a drink, but I've been really trying to cut back lately. Last night I did something I haven't really done before. I decided to limit myself to one beer while we were out for my Mum's birthday. I did this so I could take over the driving. My girlfriend is the driver in our relationship, but she's succumbed to sciatica recently. On top of that she hates driving in the dark whereas I don't mind it.\n\nAnyway, despite having not driven for a year nor driven on a motorway before, it felt good knowing that I'd kept sober so I could get me and my girlfriend home safely at night. It would have been easy for me to just neck beer after beer and let her drive (she even said she would do it), but I wanted to take control of my life for once. I wanted to show some responsibility. I wanted to wake up with a clear head knowing I'd done something I hadn't done before. And I also wanted to get back into driving. Can't do that when you're sloshed.\n\nAnyway, that's all I wanted to say about that. Thank you for reading.", "answer": "It is an awesome feeling when you control the alcohol and not the other way around! I hope you experience many more of these moments.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dnbdeh", "comment_id": "f5a2pzs"}, {"question": "i poured a drink last night.", "description": "as you can tell by my day count, i'm either new here or have recently relapsed. well, i'm not new here. \n\n&#x200B;\n\ni've hit a constant relapse faze in my attempt to get sober where i drink just about every 48 hours to deal with loneliness, the people i've pushed away, working two jobs, and being unable to be vulnerable in front of my family, who all live across the country.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nlast night i poured a drink -- ice in the glass, jim beam and water -- all ready to go.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nthis thread is the only thing that stopped me. i came here first, read and commented on a few things. then i dumped it down the kitchen sink along with the bottle.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nthank you all. stay strong this weekend. IWNDWYT.", "answer": "wow! that\u2019s amazing and you should be very proud :) Remember that the poison will only mask our feelings of loneliness. I\u2019m lonely all the time and my habit was to drink to oblivion to block that feeling. The next day, this alcoholic would wake up lonely still but also hungover, ashamed, anxious, etc etc. You got this. Take it one second at a time :) This moment, I won\u2019t drink with you ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "af7la2", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "Disabled person looking for a job before grad school (hopefully)", "description": "I\u2019m a 25 year old woman with cerebral palsy. It isn\u2019t severe but it mainly affects my ability to stand for long periods of time, ability to lift heavy things and I get tired more easily. I also have mental health issues but they aren\u2019t really the focus of this post. I have an undergrad BA in Children\u2019s studies and am almost done a funded MA in disability studies. I have a teaching assistant job for January to April but it\u2019s only going to pay about 300 a month. I have ODSP as well but 99 percent of it goes to rent, sadly. I\u2019m applying to Phd programs for fall 2020 but I need a job to help make ends meet until September (IF I get into school\u2014 longer if not). Any tips?", "answer": "Remote/work from home jobs may be an option for you.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "e3jk12", "comment_id": "f94zfnm"}, {"question": "I feel almost alone in this here...how many of you are dedicated to overcoming your depression without medication? What are you doing to do so?", "description": "I've got nothing against informed adults making the personal decision to try meds to combat their depression. If it's the only thing that works for you, please keep doing what you're doing and taking what you're taking. \n\nThat said, I was not properly informed or even an adult when I was put on medication. I was a depressed and confused kid who couldn't advocate for himself and would take one harmful drug after another that the doctor said would help with the hope that the suffering they caused would one day well be worth going through once the right one was found. It never was and I doubt there is one (at least for me). \n\nI have a feeling I've been going and thinking about this the wrong way. That I've put too much emphasis on feeling like a hopeless chronically mentally ill person whose only hope of a good life is being on drugs that lessen the quality of my life for the rest of my life instead of changing my negative self-defeating thinking, looking at the causes of my depression, and finding support from therapy and family. [I think this video sums up how I feel.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBUqPOP5BEs)\n\nIt's been 6 years and they've only made my depression worse (I got drug induced akathisia so bad I cut my wrists and on the drive to the hospital I attempted to jump out of the car, thank god my mom was there to stop me. Only time I've tried to kill myself and it was caused by something that was supposed to help.) and gave me unbearable side effects (100 pounds of weight gain that I managed to lose after stopping that particular medication and majorly decreased cognitive ability that forced me to drop out of school and is basically ruining any sort of progress in my life atm. I can't even read a book anymore!). \n\nAll that temporary pain I can tolerate, but the worst part is what I deal with everyday of my life. The indifference towards life and the emotional numbness that they make me feel is killing me. I'm not depressed but I'm not happy either, I'm detached from the world and the people in it and always in the same constant mood. I feel like a zombie, I feel like my humanity is slowly fading away. I am not the person I was before I started taking them. This is why I'm starting to safely, with the help of my doctor, ween myself off my meds.\n\nI was wondering if I was alone in my belief that the meds are not for everybody and that **it is** possible to feel better with the right support and changes to lifestyle/thinking? Or am I simply in denial and grasping at straws? What have you who do not take medication done to get over your depression? ", "answer": "I'm on meds. However, I'd say 90% of my improvement has come from therapy and a support system plus lifestyle changes. In my case, the medication is like a \"back up\". I'm on cymbalta currently, which has been pretty mild for me. I have a strong predisposition in my family towards mental illness, and with my own being potentially life threatening, it's unlikely that I'll ever be able to go without psychiatric care completely. I also think kids are waaaay over-medicated, and that alternative treatments (therapy) are often undervalued in lieu of a quick fix. Children also exhibit something called symptom bearing behavior, or can, which means they seem depressed or ill but really are reacting to things in their home or environment. Children and mental health is a rant of mine for another time, so I'll stop before I turn pedantic.\n\nI gotta say that I'm a huge fan of counseling and therapy. I went to mandatory therapy post-hospitalization and was all, fuck, this guy is going to be a freak. Three years later...\n\nPardon me while I slip into dork mode, momentarily.\n\nMy therapist is like the big brother I never had. He's given me support and has been one of the bet mentors in my life, if not the best. We have an excellent professional relationship, and I'd probably be dead, frankly, if it wasn't for him - meds or no meds. He inspired me to go back to school (I'm 35, and failed out originally, due to my depression). Doing pretty good - and I start grad school next fall. I did a lot of the work, sure. Without a mentor I'd probably never have done any of it, though.\n\n</dork>\n\nEven with counseling, I have a lot of work and tedium in managing things. However, what counseling and behavior/habit change have done for me, medication never could (or would). I am also a secular Buddhist, I study the Rinzai school of Zen, and find the practice of meditation and mindfulness to be invaluable. \n\nTherapy isn't just talking. It's a lot of work. It's exhausting, and full of challenging yourself and other crap that is difficult, scary, and intimidating. I have found it worthwhile. The cutting of mental health benefits paired with the rising of drug subsidies and advertising mean that counseling and psychotherapy often takes a back burner. Drugs are cheaper, and (in the US anyway), people often don't have benefits that cover therapy even though for most people it's a more effective treatment that has a better prognosis. Also consider that drug companies pay most of their profits into advertising, and that most doctors are heavily catered to by drug reps who bring them food, meals, gifts, etc... again, another pedantic rant of mine for another time.\n\nAaaaanyway, I guess I'm really saying that yes, it is potentially possible to feel better without medication. If your illness is severe enough you may still require medication at some point, temporarily or permanently. It's hard to say either way without clinical history and observation, though. I would humbly argue that therapy would help most people who are medicated too. Of course, I am biased.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ye0en", "comment_id": "c5uwqk8"}, {"question": "My ex bf is using depression as a reason to be abusive", "description": "My ex bf was someone who volunteered and donated to my charity which was how we met. We dated for a year and as we weren\u2019t compatible, we broke up. \n\nWhat followed was months of dramatic and traumatizing experience which is confusing and hurtful to say the least. He started by sending me personal attacks and blame on WhatsApp (\u201cyou\u2019re not open minded enough that\u2019s why we broke up\u201d to \u201cyou\u2019re a shitty leader at work\u201d) and when I didn\u2019t reply, he pulled in everyone in the charity in a group chat (my whole team of donors, volunteers and staff) to tell them they are corrupt with no moral standards and hence he\u2019s resigning (a nasty move to compromise me at work). He then was all nice and said sorry to me, asked me to understand he only said those things because he was depressed and lashing out cuz of the pain. That he has depression and is suicidal. I got so worried that I suppressed all my feelings and got him to see a psychologist and went with him together (he refused to go alone). He was diagnosed with clinical depression and taking meds. \n\nWhen I wanted to move on and stop talking to him (the personal attacks and blame messages never stopped), he\u2019d talk to my friends and tried to turn them against me with gossip. He also said he won\u2019t donate the rest of the amount he pledged because he doesn\u2019t have money (totally untrue and only because we\u2019re no longer dating). When I told him I needed my space and will stop talking to him, he threatened to not handover work (things he took care of as a volunteer). So I was forced to speak to him again and then gradually stopped replying. He then donated the rest of the pledged amount to the charity (as a way to get me to speak to him), and when I don\u2019t respond to his personal demands, he threatens to demand a refund of the donation (who does that?!). \n\nLast night he sent me suicidal messages again saying he took lots of sedative, so I messaged his mom as we were both worried, and she asked me to call the police. A crew of firemen, policemen and ambulance health professionals showed him at his place at 2am and turns out he\u2019s fine. \n\nHe now yells at me for calling the cops on him and requests a refund of the donation. \n\nI\u2019m amazed by the ways he tries to manipulate me, from personal and professional attacks, suicidal messages, donate and refund requests.. He doesn\u2019t want to get back together but he wants me to stay in his life which I don\u2019t understand why, other than feeling like I\u2019m in his control somehow? What should I do with this guy? \n\nTL;DR: Ex bf tried to manipulate me with suicidal messages, personal and professional attacks for no reason other than making me emotional and under control. ", "answer": "Oftentimes abusers will honeymoon you with positive behaviors as a mechanism of control. They will use those positive behaviors against you as a way to make you feel guilty or shitty. \n\nYou\u2019re absolutely right that he\u2019s using his depression as a way to emotionally abuse you. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ve had abusers in my group tell me a story just like this. Threatening suicide is a really common abusive tactic that abusers use against the victim. It\u2019s important to remember that you reacting to his suicide is perfectly normal, and his reaction to it is totally unjustified. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a6tl8w", "comment_id": "ebxu677"}, {"question": "I suspect my 5yo daughter has ADHD.", "description": "We\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. I know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.\n\nFor now I am most concerned about her social emotional health. She already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d Her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. When she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. She\u2019s five.\n\nI am in this sub because of her. I\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. But from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? What do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "I'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. It helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.\n\nAlso, many of Dan Siegels books are great. Specifically the whole brain child. It's about connecting and supporting through emotions. \n\nAs for what you can give, unconditional love. When she is angry say \"I can see you are really angry at the moment. It is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (An exanple) Give her a hug. Then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. Listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. Then just sit next to her while she works it off. This works for most emotions. When she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. Shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "eistw5y"}, {"question": "Can an extrovert have social anxiety?", "description": "I always thought I was an introvert with social anxiety and I played the part but now I\u2019m getting rid of my social anxiety and I found out I feel good when I\u2019m with people. Is it possible that I was unknowingly an extrovert?", "answer": "Yes. Absolutely. Extroversion/Introversion have nothing to do with how good your social skills are or how much anxiety you have over social situations. Where you fall on the continuum has much more to do with the HOW you prefer to interact with others and what kinds of activities are needed to \"recharge your batteries\" when stressed. \n\nSocial anxiety is something that can impact both extroverts and introverts equally. It causes separate problems for each. When social anxiety is high which causes people to avoid social situations, it causes problems for introverts because they generally already isolate themselves more because they generally enjoy activities that require more alone and quiet time. Even though this is the case, introverts still do need and want to be social, and this limits their chances further. A major problem for introverts with social anxiety is it generally causes more harm to their relationships as people who don't understand start to think that the introvert with social anxiety \"doesn't want to spend time with them.\"\n\nExtroverts who are socially anxious and avoid socializing can sometimes be hit harder by social anxiety. The more extroverted you are, the more you NEED to socialize and have a lower tolerance for isolation, so in many ways, social anxiety can cause more pain for extroverts in this way.\n\n\n[-The WebShrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99d575", "comment_id": "e4n9wm6"}, {"question": "Organization for ADHD- calendars and passion planner didn\u2019t work. 2019 I\u2019m giving Bullet Journal a go!", "description": "When my friend introduced me to it it was like lightning. I don\u2019t have to be organized, I do t have to plan ahead, I don\u2019t run out of space... I spent about 15 minutes figuring it out and setting mine up and I\u2019m falling in love. Because it\u2019s just a list. And I\u2019m real good at making lists! And this one has tools to help me stay accountable. \n\nAny other success stories for organizational tools or advice if you\u2019ve tried BuJo? It feels very natural to me and already I have much less stress re: \u201cgetting organized\u201d. All my shit is just going on one page, every day. No more complex post-it system!", "answer": "I am really enjoying the bullet journal so far. I started mine in December so I\u2019ve been at it a month. I find I am sticking with it where I have failed with other planners in the past because it is so fun to me and really holds my interest. I have had fun coloring and designing things and making it pretty; that\u2019s what is keeping me invested in it. And because I enjoy looking at everything I made, I feel much more compelled to actually use it compared with traditional planners. \n\nI hope it works for you and that you enjoy it as much as I have so far!\n\nEdit for a typo ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abpb67", "comment_id": "ed26hgh"}, {"question": "[26 F] My boyfriend [30 M] is great, but doesn't love me", "description": "Hi Reddit, I hope I can get some thoughts on this. Just a bit stumped and hurt. I started officially seeing this man about a year ago, and other than a rough patch at the beginning of the relationship (I'll explain in a bit) it's heads and above my healthiest relationship. He's a caring bf, with whom I spend a lot of time. We cook together, work on our respective side hustles together, and talk a ton about all kinds of topics. We're planning some trips this summer as well. For my part, I have been in love with him for some time m\u2014I'm generally guilty of sincerely saying \"I love you\" first in every relationship. For his part, he's never returned it himself. This is actually the second relationship in a row (the previous was about 2 years) where the other person didn't say it to me.\n\n\nComplicating my worries, we actually did break up for some months. At that time he was working crazy hours. Half a year into seeing him I told him (after multiple discussions) that things couldn't continue this way\u2014i needed more. We broke up, and I was heartbroken for a little more than a month as our conversations dwindled to nothing. Making matters worse, we'd broken up right before he started a job that required a temporary transfer. For me, it was a dark time where I couldn't think about anything else but how much I missed him and was shocked over the whole thing. I tried my best to see friends and doing a lot of hobbies to keep myself busy. When he came back to my state, he reached out. We started hanging out and talking again like we had. Finally, while we were drinking at his place, I (this is horribly embarrassing) leaned in to kiss him and he turned his head. Both mortified, he explained he had started seeing someone else, and that he did miss me and felt like we had a connection that he realized he needed, but he had to end the other relationship first. I was sort of shell shocked that he'd found someone so quickly while I was still reeling from our breakup, but he did break up with her. We discussed this event in detail, I got all my confusion and hurt out, and we decided to try again. \n\nAfter this, it has been a very rewarding relationship in a lot of ways (it's now been over 5mo since we got back together). He's respectful, pushes me intellectually, respects me, and has stopped over-working. He calls me \"sweetie\" and is generous with gifts and time\u2014a planned trip is several months from now so I know he's thinking about being with me for some time. He's even met my parents, and is my second boyfriend to win real approval. \n\nHe has, however, not said that he loves me back. I've had a handful of micro-heartbreaks where I say \"I love you so much\" or \"I really love you\" to an immediately uncomfortable man who very obviously doesn't know what to do. I feel badly to put him in that position, but sometimes I'm drunk and happy, or we're falling asleep and I'm happy, and I don't feel right about keeping in emotions that I know I'm feeling just to make him comfortable. One time I even made him a video of me singing him a love song for Valentine's Day, which sounds silly, probably.\n\nSo, here I am. I have my dream bf in so many ways... but tonight before going to sleep I discussed love with him (this is the third time) as delicately as possible. I said \"I think it's important that I know if you don't, even if you're just not ready to say it\" and he didn't say anything. I told him \"this is eventually going to be important to me... to be loved by someone and have them say it back\". He held me and rubbed my back (which is commonly his response), clearly upset that he's upset me again, and I tried to be very quiet about how horrible I felt.\n\nI love him a lot, is my issue. I didn't stop wanting to be with him when we broke up and it was a dream to have him come back to me when my friends were confused by his behavior, and told me to get over it. I just know how my last relationship felt and ended, and there's also this horrible feeling in my gut that tells me this unloved feeling doesn't have to be there. \n\nAnyone have advice on (a) If it's me, and (b) If I need to end it before I put another significant years into a relationship that makes me feel unloved, and/or (c) What i may doing to have these seemingly unusual relationships? You can also just vent about similar experiences... I just feel very alone and would love that as well.", "answer": "If someone doesn't love you after three months, they never will. People spend way too much time waiting....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67fsz5", "comment_id": "dgq21uj"}, {"question": "What am I supposed to do when I feel happier and enjoy things more when I'm drunk?", "description": "I crave being drunk because I enjoy music more. I can feel my emotions and cry if I need to. I'll want to do things I had no interest in before.\n\nI just don't understand how I am supposed to achieve the feelings of happiness that I get when I'm drinking. I guess I could be depressed but I just don't know how I'm supposed to enjoy day to day life the same way I do when I have a drink at night.", "answer": "What are some of the reasons you want to stop? If alcohol only did the things you just mentioned, I would assume you wouldn\u2019t want to stop.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cqdnei", "comment_id": "eww8qiu"}, {"question": "I hate being employed.", "description": "Goddamit.\n\nNot looking for advice or anything, just need to fucking vent because the dread and panic have become like a tsunami, overwhelming me to the point I can barely function anymore.\n\nI hate being employed. Hate, not dislike, not mind, hate.\n\nI hate being in a position where I have to deal with hormonal bosses even when I do everything right (and by right I mean their stupid way), just because they have nothing better to do on a weekend and fill their lives with micro-managing their \"team\".\n\nI hate being stupid when I was younger and choosing a field of studies in which I basically cannot work. I hate not having any interesting options just because I was an idiot when I was 18.\n\nI hate being smarter than my superiors but not being allowed to apply my brains because they want shit done their way, even when the alternative is a proven better option.\n\nI hate having to give 9 hours of my day to something that doesn't fucking matter.\n\nI hate not being able to LIVE the way I want to LIVE, just because I HAVE to make money. I HAVE TO.\n\nI hate that anyone with a \"degree\" can call themselves my boss and make me do things their way, no matter how inefficient or redundant.\n\nI hate that stupid people are allowed to decide how my day goes, what I should do, how I should think, how my time is spent, and how much I'm allowed to ask in return.\n\nI hate everything about being employed, I have zero prospects regarding how I can become self-employed, and I'm trapped in a cycle of getting a job because I have to make money, convincing myself it's not so bad, getting more and more disillusioned and depressed, getting tired of being depressed because of something as insignificant as a job, quitting that stupid job for something better, starting that new job, finding myself in the same fucking position all over again, and back to square one.\n\n\nI fucking hate it. I'd rather die than live this way but I don't want to fucking die, I want to fucking LIVE. This is not living.", "answer": "I know how you feel. I have a four year psych degree, which is pointless. All I can get are stupid administrative jobs that pay very little. I literally have nothing to do at my job. I sit here and browse the Internet from 8:30-4:30 every day, and then I sit in traffic for 45 minutes on my way home. It's better than working retail or waitressing, but sometimes my anxiety and depression get so bad from just sitting here. Why is it so easy for some people to find great jobs that they actually enjoy?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "6p7cov", "comment_id": "dkng23b"}, {"question": "What choices do I have now? Bad news from insurance company.", "description": "I'm going to make an appointment with a behavioral health center and check if I do have ADD or ADHD. I'm 95% sure I have it. It's sabotaged my work and personal life but mostly my past jobs.\nMy insurance company told me they will only cover the first two appointments. If I need sit down with someone 2 times they'll cover it and of course my medication.\nIll have to pay out of pocket for if I want any future appointments.\n\nNot sure what else to do at this point. I think my only option is to take something natural that will both help my depression and ADHD\n\nWhat do you guys think? ", "answer": "Natural remedies are basically a waste of time for adhd. People can argue if they want but the research shows very little support for natural remedies for it; I\u2019d hate to see you waste a bunch of money and time. You\u2019ll likely be able to get what you need in 1-2 appts and your doctor may be willing to work with you on a sliding scale fee if you need further appts afterward.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aiequ4", "comment_id": "een88uk"}, {"question": "How many of you in recovery and on this subreddit work in either the mental health field or addiction/ recovery?", "description": "I myself am in recovery and work at a 90 day impatient treatment center for recovery from eating disorders.", "answer": "MSW student in recovery, possibly will work in the addictions field.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "mm0h7", "comment_id": "c325ljp"}, {"question": "HALT works", "description": "Hi everyone, im new to this board but i just wanted to share with you that I just stopped a huge craving by simply making something to eat. I was sitting on the couch wanting to drink really bad, i mean I was just sitting there simmering with the idea of going to the store and getting some beer. I knew I had some chicken to cook though and I wanted to do that first, I told myself I would eat it later. So I made it and was like, that looks good Ill try a piece, and then I had another piece and then I felt the craving gone and was like, I dont want to drink now, Ill just chill the rest of the night. HALT works and I look forward to not drinking with you tonight.", "answer": "Yes! I learned that one of my big triggers was feeling tired. I thought I needed to drink in order to sleep... turns out I can nap and sleep waaay better without. \n\nSo when thoughts come up, I use HALT... only I start at the end ;)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "734kut", "comment_id": "dnnoa81"}, {"question": "Should I give him space or should I just leave him?", "description": "So, I've (21) been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (26) for a year and 6 months. I live in London and he's in Montreal. We met through mutual friends and it was like 'love at first sight.' Our relationship started from distance but was always good. He's in Montreal now passing his bar exam for law. And I am a second year student in London. Lately, for the past month or so he's been very distant. We barely talk and when we are on the phone there's nothing to talk about. I feel he doesn't want to talk anymore. He became very cold. \n\nHe basically has three stages of the bar exams. He passed one exam easily February and it disappointed him. He thought it was very hard and he might not pass. So when I ask him what's wrong he tell me it's the exam. He hasn't been sleeping properly lately because at night he thinks a lot about his future and what if he fails. \n\nI just feel that we still aren't close enough. He's so cold and never talks about what's going on with him. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be annoying and needy at the wrong time. I love him so much but I am so confused with what to do. It's the first time I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I say maybe I should give him a break and tell him focus on ur studies I'll be here when ur done. But I'm also selfish, what if he leaves me for good? \n\nWhen we first started dating he told me, \"my first priority is my education and I don't want you to do anything that will interfere in it.\" I completely respect them, it made me fall in love with him more because he has an aim and he's ambitious which is very manly. \n\nI confronted him few times and he always tells me I'm busy studying, and it's true he's studying all the time. But I am also sure that he can take five minutes to call and just ask... \n\nSometimes I feel that I am just overthinking things that I'm imagining. \n\nShould I just give him his space and not talk to him for now? Or should I talk about it? What should I do?", "answer": "respect the space he asks for. if that includes checking in, do so. decide how patient you can be with waiting, then move on", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vijhi", "comment_id": "de2c4jg"}, {"question": "Extrovert struggling to make friends in 30s", "description": "Am in the us. And have no friends. Have a good job and am married.\n\nI find that I dont have any trouble with talking or shyness. I dont have too many inhibitions talking to most people. But I can never make a connection with a Male friend where he wants to stay in touch with me. If you look at my message history online on various social networks it is a lot of me trying to initiate conversations. Very rarely do i have guys/men trying to talk to me or express the desire to stay in touch.\n\nThis especially rears its ugly head when i wanna go to lunch but can rarely find people apart from my wife who wanna hang out with me.\n\nI have been friendless most of life even though I have people I talk to when I get the chance to see them face to face\n\nI have had the problem where people dont take me seriously", "answer": "You mentioned \"look at my message history in various social networks.\" I may be jumping to conclusions but I'd say as a good first step, try to rely less on the internet and social media to develop any kind of real relationship. \n\n\nSometimes less is more. For instance, if you're constantly talking to or trying to talk to people online or via phone, they have less of a reason to actually spend time with you in person. \n\n\nOnce you meet someone through a club, group, shared activity, get their contact info. Instead of trying to talk or hold conversations via social media or video games or anything, set a date/time to hang out and do something in person. If they engage, great, if not, try with someone else.\n\n[-The WebShrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99fh8y", "comment_id": "e4nc2it"}, {"question": "Have a mental health with my University (UK). Worried about questions about suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Dealing with anxiety and depression.\n\nI have previously been to and spoken with my Uni's mental health advisor. I answered honestly when asked about suicide and was turned away because they weren't equipped to deal with it.\n\nI am in a better place now, through my own efforts, but would still like support. I am not suicidal, nor have I been for a long time, but am now scared that I might be turned away for any hint/mention.\n\n I want to be honest, but I'm scared that any mention might see me turned away again. Can anyone advise me on whether or not brief mentions would do this/what can make them turn you away.\n\nApologies if this makes no sense or is long winded, but thanks :)", "answer": "I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I'm a therapist in the US and I'm just starting to learn about how things work in the UK regarding mental health. It's surprising as I'm pretty liberal and would love for us to have universal healthcare here, but it sounds like a bit of a nightmare. \n\nIf they said they weren't able to deal with these issues, they probably didn't have the education and experience you'd want them to have to help you anyway. I'd say do what you need to do to get connected through NHS to an actual therapist. In the meantime, get whatever help you can from the school mental health advisor. If you have not been suicidal for a long time you don't need to mention it unless asked. If asked, be honest and say it hasn't been for however long but you do need help with depression and anxiety. Maybe you'll get a different response, especially if it's a different advisor. Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6rd0i1", "comment_id": "dl4myz9"}, {"question": "bad chest pains, weakness, despite doctors saying I'm ok (19yF)", "description": "19 skinny, but cheap diet. no work out regimen. so I have PVCs pretty often, that's a common thing, so I take Tenormin 25mg once a day. Without the pills my resting heart rate would be fast as hell usually 90 or so. I get this feeling of someone squeezing my heart all the time and now it's just worrisome, my pulse is so hard like I'm getting hit in the chest. \nI'm a pretty stressful person and I have BAD anxiety, but I really don't think that's what it is. I spent a lot of time learning about myself and my mental issues so when people say 'it's just anxiety' I get so annoyed. \n\nthis week I've had the squeezing pain almost 24/7, I was getting lightheaded and my lips got really swollen (probably from the prednisone I'm on for an allergic reaction) I went to the doctor BP was normal but I went to the ER right away I was just scared and chest pains aren't to be ignored, especially when you take beta blockers for PVCs. \n\nGot to the ER (it was actually a quick-ish comfortable place) I told them about my chest pains and trouble breathing so they hooked me up, I got an ekg and chest X-ray, as well as blood tests for dehydration I think. they said everything was fine! I asked what I should do about the chest pains that are so scary for me. they literally said just take Tylenol. WHAT?? they prescribed something for the \"vertigo\" I had but I didn't get that filled because that's not what it is I get lightheaded all the time and I don't know maybe I'm stubborn but there's no way it's just vertigo. That was my second opinion, I've been to a cardiologist who told me I was too young to be there. F U! \n\nwell last night I had more of a heartburn like feeling all over my chest, and my heart feels weak like I just got out of an open heart surgery. this morning it's more weak and so so tired! I know the steroids can increase heart rate but I just have a really bad feeling. I can breathe ok it's just the tightness in my chest right now. \n\ncan someone help me so I can get the help I really need? could the problem be somewhere else? I have an extensive list of problems so please ask me anything! lol ", "answer": "Honestly, I don't think it's sinister. You might not want to hear this, but it does sound anxiety-related.\n\nEdit: Might be worthwhile considering an alternative to atenolol, like an SSRI.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4x98w5", "comment_id": "d6dmokb"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Do you have a psychiatrist or did you just talk to your PCP? It is probably a good idea to seek a second opinion with a board certified psychiatrist if you don't have one as they go more in depth re mental health than PCPs do.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aj6k30", "comment_id": "eet5jlr"}, {"question": "Choosing a doc for alcoholic, mom showing extreme jaundice", "description": "My mother is in her mid 50's, and I was very alarmed when I came up to see her today to see that she is bright yellow! The whites of her eyes are yellow, her skin is very yellow. She's extremely jaundiced. She is a long time heavy drinker and she has lately been eating less and less. Not sure if it's anorexia, or if whatever is happening with her has lessened her appetite. \n\nI'd like to take her to an instacare or even the ER, but she won't go. After some badgering she's finally conceded to make an appointment with a doctor, but she says she doesn't know who to go to that's in her insurance network and keeps saying she'll call, \"later\", which means she won't... she's just dragging her feet.\n\nSo I'M calling. My question is, should I take her to a general/family doctor first, or would that be a waste of time since this is very likely something to do with her liver or gallbladder or something? \n\nThanks in advance for advice. \n\nUPDATE: Thank you everyone for your input, stories and advice. Since there were so many requests, I wanted to let you know how it went down. I searched her insurance's directory for a pcp who specialized in internal medicine. I'm sure you all have an idea what a pain that can be. Most of those directories are out of date. Had to call a few that had closed practice or were no longer accepting new patients before I found one. When I described the situation and the symptoms for the receptionist she was kind enough to get me a same day appointment in just over an hour from there. She was so angry. I went along to make sure she didn't flake out on it, didn't take out all of her anger on my poor dad, and didn't lie to the doctor about her lifestyle or her symptoms. I know that all sounds incredibly horrible and controlling... I guess it IS terrible and controlling, but when you're dealing with an addict that's in denial the line gets kind of fuzzy.\n\nAnyway, so we went. The doctor shut down her complaints right away that we were worried about nothing and told her that she was very plainly jaundiced and that it was most likely from her alcohol consumption, that she needs to stop drinking to give her body a chance to heal, and that when people are alcoholic they are usually also malnourished and that could also be a factor. \n\nHe definitely didn't seemed as alarmed about the situation as I was though, or as a lot of people I've told seem to have been. Maybe he was looking at it from the perspective that people respond better to a gentle nudge than a stern lecture and he didn't want to make her shut down, so he was pretty optimistic. He told a story about a past patient who had damaged his liver very badly after his wife died and how he was able to come back from that by quitting drinking and re-balancing his nutrition. He didn't send her to Urgent Care or ER, but he draw blood to work and said he may need to contact her with new information or follow ups. He prescribed an anti-seizure medication for her while she quits drinking, but I thought he seemed very cavalier about it. He described it more like, \"If you feel nervous, uncomfortable or jittery in the first week you can take these to help take the edge off.\" rather than a serious precaution to prevent sudden death. \n\nSo, that's that. Really hoping she'll take this seriously and give up the bottle now, but I know she's the only one that can make that choice.\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------\n\nUpdate #2: \n\nI think a lot of you will be as pleased as I am with this update. This afternoon my dad called me to let me know that the doctor had called Mom at work to let her know that her blood testing had shown dangerously elevated levels of Bilirubin in her blood (nearly 30?) and that his advice after seeing her results was for her to immediately get to her nearest emergency room for continued care. She left early and went to the nearest Urgent Care. There they did further testing and began an IV until they decided she should be transferred to a local hospital for several days to monitor her detox and continued evaluation. That's where she is now. I feel much better now with this escalation. I'm sure she's more upset now and frightened, but based on everything I've heard this is a more appropriate response to her symptoms and she is actually going to get the kind of care that she needs. ", "answer": "How much is she drinking? She probably should NOT stop abruptly unless she has medical support.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ks2yt", "comment_id": "e71lviu"}, {"question": "Does not being a mrsa carrier mean you are immune to contracting it from someone who is a carrier?", "description": "A friend of mine said her boyfriend recently found out that he is a carrier for mrsa. She said she has not caught it because she is not a carrier.\n\n\n\nI did not think that's how it worked. I thought the person who is colonized, though showing no symptoms, can still infect other people, whether they are carriers or not. Not being a carrier does not really protect you from it, correct? She is sleeping with this man and she thinks she is immune or not likely to catch it because she is not a carrier.", "answer": "I think there might be some terminology confusion here.\n\nGenetically, a carrier is someone who has one copy of a recessive gene that, if two copies are present, causes a disease. Sometimes being a carrier itself has some effects. Perhaps most famously, sickle cell carriers (heterozygotes) are more resistant to infection by malaria. One reason for the term \"carrier\" is because, although the individual doesn't have the disease phenotype, they can pass the allele on to children. Two carriers who have children have a chance of having a child with the disease. (25%, in classical Mendelian genetics.)\n\nBeing a carrier of an infection is entirely different, although the idea is the same: you harbor the bacteria or virus, but you don't have any signs of infection. You can transmit it to someone else, at least some of the time. In the case of some infections, including staph/MRSA, it's possible to infect yourself. For example, someone with MRSA colonization who gets a cut may have that MRSA introduced into deeper tissues or the bloodstream. MRSA actually isn't one of the most terrible and virulent infections, despite its reputation; the danger is in its resistance to treatment, not the inherent danger of infection by Staph aureus.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e82tlf", "comment_id": "fa97n1f"}, {"question": "[26/m] Was headed towards dating this girl [28/f], we mutually decided to put it on hold for a while (reasons inside). Is kissing other women during this time morally wrong/\"cheating?\"", "description": "I met this girl in November, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Things were going great until early January, where she confessed that she was very nervous about where it was going. Thing is, I may be moving away within the next few months for school or a job. She knew this from the start, but I guess as things ramped up she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. Long story short, she wants to be sure I'm actually still here before we get into anything serious. Totally understandable, and I agreed. Not one for LDRs, they rarely work IMO.\n\nWe have kissed a couple times since then but otherwise it's been this weird limbo of platonic/not-so-platonic. Obvious that we like each other, though. Problem is, the past couple weeks I've been entertaining the attractions of other women; just making out with them, usually while under the influence a bit. One was a friend and we mutually agreed that it was stupid, and the other was an ex of mine just last night, who clearly is still up for trying us out as a couple again (I'm not).\n\nI understand that the first girl and I are not/were never official and have never had sex, so I shouldn't be concerned about what I do, but I still feel guilty about it. I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and it feels like I'm heading down that road of doing so. I truly am very interested in the first girl, and would absolutely be exclusive with her if the opportunity arose. I don't plan on doing it again for sure, but should I be feeling this way at all? Am I being too hard on myself? Should I mention that I hooked up with a couple girls to her? Thanks.", "answer": "temporary breaks need **definition**: dating others/or not??; contact with each other??/how much??", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vimv4", "comment_id": "de2c39t"}, {"question": "I (20m) haven\u2019t been to the dentist in two years, but brush my teeth twice a day regularly. At my cleaning today, I was told I have 12 cavities. Is this possible?", "description": "I am a 20-year-old male (5\u201910\u201d, 150lbs, Caucasian) in college, so I\u2019ve definitely been experiencing a lot of stress and have been grinding my teeth a lot since my last dentist appointment. However, I haven\u2019t been experiencing a whole lot of pain in my teeth, just some sensitivity. They also mentioned that most of the cavities were due to a lack of flossing and were therefore in between my teeth (i.e. not from grinding). I\u2019m not one to question doctors and self-diagnose, but I just find it hard to believe that I somehow developed 12 cavities while thinking I had none. We\u2019ve had issues with this dentist in the past where they act like used car salesmen, so I\u2019m skeptical about getting the cavities filled without a second opinion.\n\nI should also mention that I am going back to school (~450 miles away) in about a week, and when I told them this they were adamant I didn\u2019t see another dentist out that way to fix any issues. Instead they told me I should wait til December to see them again because they are more familiar with my records. Should I just put my faith in these doctors and let them do their job, or am I right in being suspicious of their claims?", "answer": "For dental issues you might want r/Dentistry instead. My general opinion is that anyone recommending against second opinions is a medical huckster and you want a second opinion even more. The only exception would be something so urgent that there's no time for a second opinion, and waiting until December definitely isn't that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928y4y", "comment_id": "e33yp3m"}, {"question": "I (F22) just turned 22 and I am petrified of \"growing up\"", "description": "All of my mental issues aside, I am extremely scared of becoming an adult. I feel like I was just 17 a moment ago and don't feel ready to take on responsibilities. I have a job and go to school while living with my parents but I can't imagine moving out and living on my own any time soon... I feel like I would end up homeless or getting too depressed and hurting myself. Does anyone else experience this? I just feel like a kid still...\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTl;Dr: I feel like a kid and am scared of taking on more responsibilities. ", "answer": "I don't think anyone ever truly feels like \"an adult\" no matter how old or what their life situation is. Most of us are just winging it and doing the best we can. A lot of people avoid \"growing up\". More responsibilities mean more stress, but they also mean more freedom which for most folks is completely necessary to living their best life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qxnn6", "comment_id": "e8d8z8i"}, {"question": "Paxil or Wellbutrin?", "description": "Hey everyone :) \nSo it's been a long time coming but today I finally gave in and decided to go on medication for anxiety and depression.\nThe doctor basically let me choose which medication to go on and she gave me some options. Both of my parents are on Paxil so I figured that would be a safe option to choose, so I opted for that! \nWhen I got home, I did some more research and really like the effects that Wellbutrin have.\nSo, my question is, should I call my doctor and have them switch me over to wellbutrin since I have not begun Paxil yet? \nCurious to hear peoples opinion!", "answer": "What are the benefits you\u2019re intrigued by with Wellbutrin? Have you looked at the potential side effects of both meds?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgovi7", "comment_id": "fk6mehe"}, {"question": "I'm [22/f] with [24\\M] boyfriend; Talks down to me alot.", "description": "Im not sure if im the one who is at fault for how bad our relationship has gotten and i dont know what to do at this point. \n\nI feel like he is always snapping at me, if i dont do something fast enough or good enough he gets mad at me.\n\nJust today he got mad at me for taking too long to close our patio door; He works from home and he likes to keep the patio door open. And when im around the apartment i dont typically wear pants, ill wear short shorts or just my panties. \n\nSo this morning before his shift he opend the patio door, well in the middle of his shift someone was yelling and we could hear it through the patio. he freaks out and gives me a really pissed off look and tells me to go close the door. \n\nWell me not wear pants didn't want the whole apartment complex to see so i went around the blinds and closed the door, yeah it took a few seconds longer but i did it for him.\n\n\nAfter that he just keeps saying how im an unreliable partner, who he cant depend on. and how im so lazy. and he just keeps repeating this to me over and over\n\nHe does things like this all the time and i dont know if it is me, if i truly deserve being treated like this ", "answer": "you need couples counseling; esp. if he doesn't respond to you demanding that he treat you like a human being.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvq3f", "comment_id": "ddx9zt6"}, {"question": "A possible theory for why ADHD is so highly comorbid with BPD", "description": "So apparently around 25% of people with BPD also have ADHD...\n\nWhat could account for this other than ADHD predisposing people to developing these kinds of disorders because of increased sensitivity or something? And since ADHD is highly genetic, children with ADHD are more likely to have parents with ADHD who are therefore more likely to well not be very good parents to say the least... \n\ne.g. My dad displays many ADHD symptoms and had a lot of issues growing up (and his suspected ADHD may have predisposed him to developing these issues), which negatively affected my upbringing... I was also just surrounded by a lot of violent behaviour growing up, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of those perpetrators of violence also suffered from something like ADHD... \n\nI was surrounded by quite a bit of destructive alcoholism and alcoholism is statistically higher among those with ADHD...\n\nso I don't know...\n\nwhy do you think that ADHD and BPD are highly comorbid? ", "answer": "As someone with adhd, Intensity is one way to activate me to be able to focus and concentrate. So it makes sense ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7a2stw", "comment_id": "dp6ou75"}, {"question": "How to overcome anxiety and actually make an appointment", "description": "I very briefly (one appointment, as I recall) saw a therapist when I was a child, and I do not remember the event fondly. Nothing *actually* bad happened (i.e., I wasn't molested or anything like that), but the therapist scared me. He was a big man with a beard, I didn't understand why I was alone with him, and he was asking me questions I didn't know how to answer. As an adult, I think I could probably benefit from having therapy, but when I think about trying to find someone or calling to make an appointment, I'm suddenly 8 years old again.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nDoes anyone have any advice for how to overcome the anxiety and actually make myself set up an appointment?", "answer": "In regards to making the call itself,\n\n\nWrite out what you want to say on a piece of paper. Write down what you might say in response to a few common questions. Rehearse it once or twice, then have it in front of you when you call. \n\n\nUsually when you call, they'll just ask you your name, phone number to call back, a brief summary of what you're coming in for (which can basically be a few words ie. depression, anxiety, job stress) and what insurance you have. \n\n\nI have a lot of anxiety when talking to strangers on the phone. Setting up appointments is even more difficult for me. Having a script always helps. \n\n\nWhen it comes to picking a therapist, remember, there's no perfect way of knowing whether a therapist is going to be a good fit until you actually go. Don't stress too much over finding who appears to be the perfect fit. If reading someone's bio or getting a rec give you a decent feeling, give it a shot. Just because you start with someone doesn't mean you're stuck. If after 1 or a few sessions you can move on and find someone else.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cn6vot", "comment_id": "ew87npi"}, {"question": "Is it okay to suddenly kiss the guy i like?", "description": "I [19/f] really really like this good guy friend of mine [17/m] i already confessed to him and he sort of rejected me, we still are really good friends. for the past months we have been meeting up, our colleges are only a ride away from each other, and we go to Karaoke places and sing with our mutual friends. \nI want to get over him and really remain friends, maybe become best friends with him, but i never had the closure i needed, because i confronted my feelings for him through emails and chats.\nwhat should i do?\nplease help. \nI really really need it \n", "answer": "just talk and have a low key date like coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kkdoj", "comment_id": "dboj9x9"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to get your therapist and their staff gifts?", "description": "I've been with my therapist for 6 years, after a suicide attempt, and a second one three years ago. She and her staff have been a breath of fresh air. I have BPD, and my symptoms are all but gone thanks to her.\n\nTwo months ago my therapist went on a sudden leave of absence. I was handed over to a different therapist, and found out my current one had a tumor in her pancreas. She's okay, it was removed, it's noncancerous. She came back on Monday, and I saw her. As I was in the waiting room, this woman came in, demanding that her appointment with my therapist was at 4:45. That was my appointment slot. The receptionist did everything she could to calm her, while having verbal abuse hurled at her to the point where she was near tears. I was brought in to therapy and the woman was brought into the back office to see someone and hopefully calm down. My therapist immediately APOLOGIZED to me for being gone for two months. She was sick! She had tumor! But she was so apologetic, and so kind. Her phone rang, it was the front desk. The woman was screaming again, and the receptionist was begging for help. My therapist told her she could see her after me, but apparently that wasn't good enough. I told them I would go back out, she could have my slot and I would come in for the slot after. I went out and the receptionist was crying, apologizing to me like THEY screwed up. \n\nI realized just how much they go through, just how much they really work for their patients. Both the receptionist and my therapist did nothing but praise me (for not panicking or acting out) and apologize. I realized just how far I've come in handling stress and that feeling of being pushed aside of abandoned (two years ago I would have screamed before I volunteered to swap with someone). And...I want to do something kind for them. But I do not know if it's appropriate for a patient to get staff gifts. I was thinking home made cookies, or flowers. But is that breaking the line between a patient and a doctor (and staff) relationship? I absolutely do not want to be rude, or come across as \"too close\" by offering gifts, but they really deserve something nice for how far they've helped me come. I can hold down a job now, I can live on my own, I don't scream anymore, I'm not angry anymore. They deserve at least...something.", "answer": "I think something small for the office like flowers or shared food would be very much appreciated. The way you described your gratitude here is very appropriate.\n\nGifts typically only become a boundary issue when they are personal or expensive. Some practices (or local ethical codes) have dollar limits.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa717l", "comment_id": "fiwy7pa"}, {"question": "I Suddenly die while pooping. What could it be?", "description": "Age: 20F, Weight: 105, Height: 5\u20192 Race: Asian, Duration: On and off starting four years ago, Location: stomach to whole body, No existing medical issues. Current medication: Nuvaring.\n\n\n\n\nI\u2019ll explain the best I can. I think I am dying while pooping. So occasionally ( once every three/ four months) specially in the morning I feel a cramp in my stomach. I rush to relieve myself and I suddenly feel extremely light headed, cold, blood rushing down my face and feel like I\u2019m going to pass out. I also feel like my blood is pulsating and centralized down in my Lady genitals parts. Also without me doing anything, my body will push out the poop by itself. I\u2019m serious. Sometimes it\u2019s so bad that I have to just lie down on the floor without wiping. Sorry TMI. But it\u2019s that bad. I\u2019m in so much pain and it\u2019s similar to when my body got shocked from a failed IUD insertion. My body was shocked and felt like I was going to pass out. This similar feeling happens also when I am in extreme pain like from a really bad period cramp. Heat stoke. Etc. somebody said they think it\u2019s when my body is weak from low blood pressure or toxic shock syndrome and I have no clue to what\u2019s wrong with me. Or how to fix it in the moment. It always starts with a cramp in my stomach like I have to go and then when I do I feel super light headed and feel like passing out. Sometimes I throw up, most of the times I don\u2019t and just sit on the toilet and my body will expel the waste on its own without me pushing. Also to note that it\u2019s always in the mornings. I just really need to know how to fix it because it happens before school and prevents me from my doing life. Thank you for reading!\n\n\nEDIT: thank you so much for the upvotes and commenting. Glad I\u2019m not the only one with this pooping issue. \ud83d\udca9 I\u2019ve gotten a lot of comments on the diagnosis but not a lot on how to prevent it in the moment. If anybody has a clue that would be wonderful thanks so much!", "answer": "Valsalva maneuver", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cl1vfq", "comment_id": "evu66yw"}, {"question": "I work at a brewery.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I used to be a full-time brewer. I had to completely leave the industry, but that is just anecdotal.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7nwj8w", "comment_id": "ds54udw"}, {"question": "My client thinks she is god and \"preaches\" the phone book - what condition does she have? *video*", "description": "I made a website for this woman several years ago. Everything seemed normal until I saw the content of her website and the videos she wanted to sell. I finished the website for her anyways because she was very persistent, didn't seem like she was out to scam anyone, and she already gave me a deposit.\n\nWhen I was uploading her video, I saw that it was just her reading the phone book for 2 hours. I contacted her and said \"I think you gave me the wrong video. It's just a video of you reading the phone book for 2 hours.\". She responded (with a smirk) \"yes, that's my message\".\n\nThis is her phone book gospel: https://youtu.be/pF5pGt3DABM The first few minutes is an intro to her divine nature and a lie detector test. At 5:00 you will hear the \"results\" of the lie detector test. At 6:52 she starts reading the phone book. That continues for the next 2 hours until the rest of the video.\n\n...I'm really curious... what mental disorder do you think she has?", "answer": "I am hoping that you do not work in the medical or mental health fields as this post would be extremely unethical (and illegal if you live in the U.S.)\n\nIf you are concerned about her well being, I'd suggest you consult a mental health professional, rather than a semi-anonymous internet forum. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "43pssz", "comment_id": "czkltgm"}, {"question": "Me (29M) need help with online dating.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "the key to online dating is this: it only takes one. and you might talk to hundreds of people before the one. don't sweat it. be yourself. be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pk7ss", "comment_id": "dkq2tjd"}, {"question": "[20/m] Dilemma with my ex (ca21/w), who has cancer and wants me back.", "description": "Dear Reddit,\n\nI need your advice with the following rather unusual problem.\nThe Story starts 2 years ago, when I met a girl online (via Omegle). This being said I am a guy - 20 years old.\nShe was fun and clever and we exchanged emails. Talked quite some time and started to watch movies together online.\nWe made our own chatroom and developed feelings for another. Then she told me that she had cancer...\nThis did not really hinder our journey but i kind of wanted to care for her as best as I could.\n\nWe spend most evenings together. She does not have friends really and I could usually get into our chatroom in time.\nIn this relationship we did not see each other or talked. I tried to get her phonenumer but she refused and she also never told me her surname or siblings names.\nBut then she requested pictures of me and i thought that if I send her some she would return pictures of her.\nTurns out she wanted nudes for the sexting ... and well I did send her some (without my face).\nShe refused to do me the same favor after I asked and was annoyed that i even asked such a question.\nBecause i thought that I might have asked in a rude way I tried to ask again but she ignored me after that for some days.\n(We talked about the few scars she had but they weren't the problem as she assured me. But why she was mad for asking was never clear up).\nAfter some time sexting got rare (due to her illness) and she didn't want to do it if I did not send something.\nRemember we hadn't seen each other face yet after more than a year of this relationship, because we \u201cagreed\u201d that it was a pure relationship without any kind of Superficialities.\nWell she then found pictures of me online because she knew my surname and that I am an active sportsman.\nI was okay with that but she still did not want to tell me her surname or return pictures of her face.\n\nShe told me that she wanted to marry me some day if god would let her survive cancer.\nAfter nearly a year I asked her if she wanted to meet up sometimes. And I asked again and again,\nBut she always told me that she was so busy with her treatment and that she would not explain us to her parents.\nNot even a single day was possible but I accepted this.\n\nTo make things a bit quicker: I know what kind of job she has but not where, I know what her father is working but not where, i know the city she is living in but that's it.\nShe in return knows everything about me and i then wanted to know more about her, I was interested but didn't want to scare her, still I tried to ask every then and now.\n\nBut our relationship began to totter and after 6 months ago she broke up with me, because i asked too much and because I called her mysterious.\nShe told me that she did not have any feelings of love and wanted us to never contact each other. No Friendship.\n\nAfter some time I found a new girlfriend (unexpectedly) and fell in love.\n\nThen my Girlfriend contacted me and asked if I wanted to let her die alone and that it kills her that I broke up with her.\nI told her that I got a new girlfriend and that she did want to end the friendship whereas she responded, that back then she \u201cdid not want friendship but a relationship between us\u201d (her words).\nNaturally I told her that we can't be together because of my new girlfriend. She was astonished that I could forget her this quickly.\nShe told me that a life without me would be a life not worth living and if I did not dump my new gf, she would kill herself (or at least stop treatment).\n\nAfter horrible days of me trying to explain her that still liked her and loved her like you love a really good friend she told me that she stopped treatment and that it was my fault.\nEveryone in her family was sad and her brother (whom she told about me) was disappointed in me.\nShe wanted to kill herself now ... and the only way to stop her was dumping my girlfriend and being her savior - and so I said yes after weeks.\n\nNow she is just praising me to heaves that I am such a marvellous person and stuff ...\nI am meeting her in the chatroom again and try to be a good \u201cboyfriend\u201d but i also let her know that I feel horrible and sad. This she understands but as soon as \u201cwe\u201d are \u201cone\u201d again everything will be fine.\n\nI did not dump my new girlfriend but also did not tell her about this. We are in a happy (part time long distance-)relationship and I am chatting with her nearly every evening but during that time i also have to spend time with my ex in the other chatroom.\n\nMy dilemma is that I don't want to ruin my current relationship since it is healthy but I can't live a lie in a hidden \u201crelationship\u201d with my ex and i surely don't want her to kill herself because of me.\n\nI really need your advice how to manage this situation and thanks a ton for reading!!\n\nPS: I dont know the exact age of my ex, since she hates her birthday. Also she has serious cancer and if she hadn't agreed on the treatement she told me that she had 0.5 years left to live.\n\n(I will edit this text and maybe write a bit more clearly but i am busy right now and hope this can explain most of it)", "answer": "You have a right to your current relationship. No one MAKES you suicide. I hope she doesn't, but it's not your responsibility at all if she does.\nYou've reached out to her as a caring friend, which is all anyone can do. I hope she gets better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8odm", "comment_id": "ddl115j"}, {"question": "What happened to being able to tell your doctors the truth?", "description": "It literally gets me no where and the only time I get treated is when I lie..I don't like doing that. \n\nFor example. One 'Psychiatrist' I saw I was honest about one of my meds, Ativan, that have taken for years. Naturally I have a tolerance. I told him I take two of the one milligrams to function. He said \" so you are taking more then I told you too?\"\n\nMe \" I guess I am\" \n\nHim\" well I am going to have to ask you to leave my practice\"\n\nI just said ok no problem' but I'm thinking to myself..like damn I can't even tell a shrink the truth? How am I evef going to be treated or get therapy if I can't be honest?? This isn't the only time just one spec example.", "answer": "Whilst I agree that it's not good to take more of anything than recommended, I am a strong proponent of NOT discharging anyone because of it. I mean, what's the point of that? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7f0n6k", "comment_id": "dq8xmkq"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I have conflict with people.", "description": "I'm a shy, polite, sensitive 23 year old woman. I never want to upset anyone. Almost always willing to offer second chances. I feel like all this makes me a pushover.\n\nWhenever I get into an argument with someone, rather than stand my ground or get mad at *them* for being rude, I immediately apologize. I say that I misunderstood the situation, I'm sorry I did/said that, I really care about them. I also tend to become really emotional and will be as nice as possible out of fear that the other person (if I know them) won't want to be my friend or SO anymore.\n\nGrowing up, in fights with my parents I learned that arguing doesn't get me anywhere so I would just stop talking and for some reason *that's* what got to them. Now in a lot of arguments with other people I get so frustrated that I just give up and don't say anything. \n\nWith 90% of people, all this does is make them more angry with me. It's like the fact that I don't stand up for myself makes them lose all respect for me or not even care about me anymore. It hurts that others aren't as understanding with me. I think I just come across as fake or something when I act too nice, but it's not like that.\n\nWhat can I do in future arguments that will make people respect me more?", "answer": "Ask yourself - did I do something that is wrong? If not, you don't need to apologize.\n\nIt's not wrong to state your opinion. It might be wrong to be rude about it, but simply saying \"I think this\" or \"That's not true\" is not rude. \n\nIn matters of opinion, emphasize that YOUR view is this, even if others may differ. In matters of fact, you simply need to state that fact (if it was challenged).", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d3chjx", "comment_id": "f01xgu5"}, {"question": "Emailing my husband's therapist", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "So many things not quite right in this. First your therapist should not have made that suggestion. Second his T shouldn\u2019t have even acknowledged that he was even a client let alone send an email CCing your hubby. The marriage therapist is supposed to be seeing things from both sides as the couple is the client (so they might not take sides). But if there is sexual assault there\u2019s a clear side for that and the therapist should be holding space for both of you yet holding your hubby accountable for this as it is NOT ok for this to be happening. In my mind sexual assault is along the same level as physical domestic violence and there\u2019s even some question of how ethical it is for the T to even see you still if that is still happening. If I had one of my couples clients tell me there was sexual assault that would be a huge thing I would be working with them on and giving them the talk about the legality of what he is doing not to mention the emotional ramifications it has on you and your relationship. Your husband could legally be charged for sexual assault just as he could if he was beating you. All of this sounds awful and I\u2019m sorry the Ts you have aren\u2019t doing what they need to be for either of you. Get a new couples therapist if you want to still try and make it a number one priority for the sexual assault to STOP or get tf out. I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re going through this. I really hope you are able to figure out what is best for you both.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f3s2xg", "comment_id": "fhmtid2"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Antihistamine Eye Drops", "description": "Is it safe to use antihistamine eye drops (in this case, Alaway) while taking Lamotrigine? For the life of me, I can\u2019t seem to find any information on this.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. There have been no symptoms. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "That's the kind of question that's better to get through whoever's prescribing. There's no interaction with common oral antihistamines, and I can't think of why there would be one with eye drops, but I've never had it come up!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m9zmk", "comment_id": "e7d4ez1"}, {"question": "Is it normal to miss your old town and high school friends?", "description": "I've heard you're supposed to forget about your high school friends within a couple months of going off to college. I'm only a state over, but there's still a thousand miles between my and my old town. \n\nI don't know how people do that. Like, I grew up in a really small town. I had built a decent reputation for myself and made a lot of connections. I had known most of my friends for 12 years, some much longer. There were 35 in my class. We still talk on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. \n\nHere, I am completely starting over. I know nobody here. Granted, it doesn't seem like I'm alone in that, but most people kind of seem to hate where they lived. \n\nBut it's not like I ever wanted to stay. I still wanted to do something different. And I should say I absolutely despised the town for awhile, and then realized I was an arrogant teenage prick and just hated the state and actually really liked most of the people in town. \n\nIs this normal? \n\n", "answer": "Very normal! Missing people and places you've spent years connecting to. You can always move back, but also give it a chance where you're at too. In order to have people/places to miss you have to spend time with them like you did in your hometown. If you ever go elsewhere you might miss where you're at now in a similar way. It will also be interesting to go back and realize how other people have changed. Mourn what you lost and know that while you can go back you are saying goodbye to a time and place in your life that will never be exactly the same again. It's hard to adjust but you will! I didn't even like my hometown and missed it weirdly from time to time. It's just something that happens and shows that you spent some meaningful time with others. Good luck!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72xz96", "comment_id": "dnm5gcn"}, {"question": "Does anyone want to be friends?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I sent a few private messages to people on here and made a connection with one person. I think it's been helpful! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6kwqm8", "comment_id": "djq5c9e"}, {"question": "Getting tested", "description": "Hey, i\u2019m Pretty sure i\u2019ve got add or adhd. Both my siblings have been tested, one has been diagnosed with ADD and the other quit going to the therapist because they realized they wouldt be able to smoke weed while on medication. We\u2019ve all had issues with smoking. \nI really want to get tested. The problem is that i\u2019m terrified of therapists. I feel like they see right through me AND that I\u2019m decieving them at the same time. I\u2019m such a dual person that I can\u2019t talk to a therapist comfortably. I don\u2019t wanna fake a diagnosis or sway the therapists opinions. I don\u2019t do it on purpose. Should i try anyway?", "answer": "Hey, I\u2019m a therapist, and if it helps to know, most of us are doing the job because we legit want to help. There are such a variety of people who are in the field, so try thinking about what type of person you could feel most comfortable with? Is that an older person or maybe someone who\u2019s a bit younger? A man or a woman? Think about a few basics like that and then try searching psychologytoday.com. Therapists listed there write their own profiles, so you can read through some and see who you get a good vibe from. Don\u2019t be afraid to \u201cshop\u201d therapists and go to intake appts with a few before choosing one. The number one predictor of successful therapy is that the relationship is a good fit for you, so it\u2019s really important. When talking with therapists for the first time, let them know you have a difficult time with it and why. I love when new clients tell me \u201chey, I hate talking to therapists\u201d because I can then figure out why and do what I need to do to help that specific person feel as comfortable as possible, to what extent I can. \n\nI think you should totally go. Therapy is one of the weirdest relationships you can have with another person - you\u2019re spilling everything to a total stranger - so it\u2019s bound to be uncomfortable at first. But I can tell you as someone who sits both in the chair and on the couch that it gets easier and can be really helpful and rewarding. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xa9pu", "comment_id": "e9qxojx"}, {"question": "Rants from the heart", "description": "I was diagnosed as a kid.\nIt was weird being the 'different one', skipping history so I could go to the learning resource center and work on homework with a teachers aid because I was deemed slow. \nI'm an adult now. \nI'm going to get medication again because it's the right thing to do in my situation. I'm nervous but I believe deep inside, it'll change things for the better. \nIt's because of this subreddit I don't feel so alone, and let me get this out. so thank you.", "answer": "Thank you for sharing you thoughts. I was also diagnosed as a kid and was the \"different one\". Changing medication can definitely feel a little scary and I commend you on your positive outlook. New meds wont necessarily change everything over night but you are setting yourself up with the right foundation. Just remember to take each day as it comes. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60lmn8", "comment_id": "df81xx9"}, {"question": "Has Anyone Been Prescribed Cabergoline?", "description": "I've been dealing with PCOS unsuccessfully since I was a teen and I'm now in my late 30's. My doctor appointment yesterday went like this:\nHe said \"let's try this\" and I said \"Tried it, didn't work\" and he said \"what about this?\" and I said \"Tried it, didn't work\".\nNothing works and all the medicines just make me puke and miserable all the time.\nI said I'm not doing anything that has bad side effects anymore.\nSo he put me on something to raise my dopamine levels in hopes it decreases my testosterone.\nI said \"it's probably not going to work\" and he said \"No, it's a shot in the dark. But, if it DOES work I will be writing the first ever case study about you!\"\nhe says that every time :( :( :( \nAnyone have results with this?", "answer": "I was put on cabergoline for a prolactinoma (benign tumor in the pituitary gland) which caused similar symptoms to pcos. And, though it's completely unfounded, I kind of have this feeling that they somehow have something to do with one another. But I'm no doctor. :P. But the medicine didn't really affect me too much at all (though I tend to not be too sensitive to any meds in general), and definitely helped get all my hormone levels back on a better track due to its effects on the tumor. Good luck!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4mcqyq", "comment_id": "d3urfkd"}, {"question": "I (27/M) feel like my wonderful marriage (wife 26/F) is constantly on the rocks.", "description": "My wife is an amazing woman, and I love her dearly, but I feel like I'm constantly angering and upsetting her without meaning to. She's very intelligent and has an amazing knack for remembering numbers, details, and information without ever writing anything down.\n\nUnfortunately, my lack of ability in remembering all of those details feels like it's driving a wedge between us. I'm constantly forgetting things (frequently things that I would have sworn that I never knew), little things, but things that often seem huge to her that end up in her being hurt/frustrated/angry while I'm desperately trying to understand what I did and why it matters.\n\nThe biggest thing that sucks is that I don't see these things as a big deal, and I often don't grasp that they are super important until it's already a problem. I feel like I wouldn't even blink if the tables were reversed. Like, \"Oh, she forgot. Big deal /s. Maybe I'll tease her about it. No biggie.\" As a result, I never get upset about things that she does, and she's convinced that I am the cause of all the problems in our marriage (and she has said as much in anger).\n\nI love her so much and I want to make her happy. Are there any resources or anything that can help people in my position? Does anyone have any advice for me? I absolutely don't want to dismiss or belittle anything she says, so with that in mind, the fate of my marriage may well hang on my ability to change and adapt.", "answer": "go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ccfk2", "comment_id": "dhto8ml"}, {"question": "[M18] My girlfriend [F18] wants me to crossdress, why?", "description": "So I am currently in a relation with this girl, we have been dating for like 3 months and been in an actual relationship for one month (very fresh relationship).\n\nHer family situation is weird and she has family all over the country, therefor she travels alot between the cities. Especially now during the holidays so I haven't seen her that much. So far we have had sex only once because of her being absent alot lately. \n\nEither way, we were discussing what we should do when we meet eachother this saturday and she came up with a very weird proposal.\n\nShe began asking if I could spend the whole day with her, I said yes. So far so good. She then asked if I was down to do whatever she wanted, I said maybe. She then said that she wants me to dress in womens clothing for her. This made me a bit uncomfortable for a few different reasons. We are still meeting up this Saturday though, but no crossdressing.\n\nWhy would she want me to do something like this? Is it some type of fetish? Why would she want me to portray myself as feminine? I really don't know what to think. I'm an open-minded guy and I have done all sorts of things with previous girlfriends but never something that defies my masculinity in the bedroom. \n\nPlease give me some perspective on this, personally I just find crossdressing infront of my girl to be embarassing.", "answer": "it's an odd request. i would see what other ideas are in her head too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5maygt", "comment_id": "dc26ecd"}, {"question": "Adjustment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder", "description": "I have been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder about 6 months ago, and have been searching for info occasionally since because I want to help myself get better. The doctors are claiming that it 'all kicked off' after a sudden family death and a huge upheaval in my family life in the space of 4 days, which is true but that isn't when it all started. That was just the point I though 'shit, I need help'.\n\nAnyway, out of the few bits and bobs I have read I'm finding some similarities between Adjustment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Such as the reckless behviour/impulsivity, chronic feelings of emptiness, and self destructiveness. I also know it has been said that a diagnosis of an Adjustment Disorder is often given as a placeholder when doctors/psychiatrists don't want to diagnose anything specific.\n\nI wondered if anyone with a bit more experience around mental health disorders knows of any actual connections between the 2 disorders (such as in the DSMV-5) or whether I am just imagining and drawing lines between 2 unrelated things. But as I said above I have only read a few things and could be completely wrong. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nAdjustment Disorder and BPD are two wildly different things. There may some small overlap in symptoms, but their presentation is vastly different.\n\nIn the DSM-5, Adjustment Disorder is under the umbrella of Trauma disorders, and relates to a specific trigger within a period of more than 1 month but less than 6 months, and consists of symptoms related to anxiety and a small trauma response. There may be some other symptoms associated (that's what the qualifiers are for) but that is the base. Generally, functioning is mildly to moderately impaired (work, school, ADLs, socializing, etc.). Adjustment Disorder tends to have more in common with something like PTSD (diagnosed after 6 months of trauma symptoms).\n\nBPD has shown to have some co-morbidity with PTSD, which may find some drawing connections between that and Adjustment Disorder, but it is a personality disorder with chronic, persistent behaviors, thought processes, and underlying beliefs that make up it's presentation. One at times might say that presentation of BPD can be indirectly caused by a trauma disorder, but Adjustment Disorder does not persist long enough nor is it typically severe enough to cause changes in personality on its own.\n\nMental health professionals may diagnose Adjustment Disorder in order to lessen stigma associated with more major diagnoses, and sometimes it fits better than the more vague ones. Also, if using insurance, companies will cover Adjustment Disorder more than they will cover the vague depression and anxiety disorder diags. So it also does increase access to care. There are definitely legitimate presentations of Adjustment Disorder, though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiysic", "comment_id": "fcucaom"}, {"question": "Brothers paranoia is at a new level", "description": "Hello /r/askatherapist community,\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSorry for using a throwaway account, but I would like to try to stay anonymous.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy brother, who lives in Florida, has often shown interest in weird conspiracy theories like Chemtrails, Sungazing, and as of recently he's started denying that Corona and George Floyd are real. He can talk literally for hours about these things in great detail and is completely serious. He's had a very stressful life for the past 10+ years and I think it's making his mental health even worse. I don't live nearby and I don't know what I can do. I started researching mental health options near him, but I know that he cannot afford it, probably doesn't have insurance, and would deny that anything is wrong. More details:\n\n&#x200B;\n\n1. He has children, and is a very good and dedicated father, but lives alone and works too much\n2. He has a history of alcohol abuse\n3. I do not believe he is currently a danger to himself or his children\n4. My family has tried to get him to move closer to where they live, but he has refused\n5. He is consistently making very bad decisions, like living way beyond his means while in lots of debt and spending even more money\n6. He is able to \"control the crazy\", by which I mean he doesn't talk about it to certain people, but with family he can and has talked for hours about absolute nonsense... the whole family agrees that he's \"losing it\" and needs professional help, but we don't know what to do\n\n&#x200B;\n\nPlease help!", "answer": "Does he have a primary care doctor, that you\u2019re aware of? Sometimes alerting a PCP of concerning behaviors can be a good place to start. They can provide follow-up evaluations and recommendations, and most are good about being sensitive and discrete.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hg80u5", "comment_id": "fw2zklb"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist told me to stop using weed due to psychosis but I worry about underlying problems", "description": "I've been using weed for about a year now every couple weeks, with consistent dosage and strain (edibles), but for some reason I have been getting worse lately. I have been becoming increasingly more paranoid, have more auditory hallucinations, and am having delusions while high. I kind of thought this was normal for the \"high experience\" but now I'm not so sure. When I'm sober I have these symptoms sometimes, but they usually aren't strong enough for me to act on or believe in them. Recently, they've been getting stronger. I talked to my psychiatrist about it because last time I got high I believed I was dead. I don't want to get into detail because it is really distressing. I believed this for about a day, but it keeps coming up while sober.\n\nMy psychiatrist told me to stop using weed, which was a shock to me for some reason. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I thought he would tell me to use less or to switch strains or something. I've spoken to doctors about psychosis before (before I started using weed), but they never really took it seriously because I had enough insight to know things were not true/real.\n\nHe mentioned that because of my family history I could have a vulnerability to psychosis. I'm on antipsychotics (3+ years), but I thought these were just for my treatment-resistant depression. I haven't been diagnosed with anything related to psychosis (to my knowledge), but now I'm really worried. Is the weed the cause of all these troubles, or do I have an underlying problem that weed exacerbates? Does anybody else have similar experiences?\n\nedit// spelling", "answer": "Quit the weed. THC can be psychotogenic. You need to figure out if your symptoms are related to THC or to some underlying illness. \n\nModern weed bears little resemblance to weed in the 60s-70s. It is very strong and can have very negative psychiatric effects.\n\nCBD, on the other hand, MIGHT be beneficial for a number of conditions. We need more studies, more evidence.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "coqqk7", "comment_id": "ewkthme"}, {"question": "Worried about taking to a text hotline", "description": "Hi, I\u2019ve been thinking about texting one of those text lines that are meant to help people who are going through different things (depression, anxiety, stress, etc.). However, I\u2019m afraid that they\u2019ll ask deeply personal questions and they may call the cops because I\u2019ve heard of stories like that. Should Inot worry about this and have you guys had experience with these text lines?\n\nAlso, feel free to mention any specific ones that you really liked because I\u2019m still searching.\n\nThank you.\n\nEdit: I meant \u201ctalking\u201d in the title", "answer": "Hello! I work on the Suicide Lifeline sometimes.\n\nAt the very least they will ask about suicidal thoughts. You can choose to be honest or not; we have no way of vetting that. You can also deny giving any locational information if you want to. The only thing they likely have access to is your phone number.\n\nThey may also ask if you would like assistance sent out to you, which you can also decline. At least when taking calls, we try to get you into as safe a place as possible. Calls we usually only make to the police if the caller is okay with it, asks for it, or is mid attempt and needs emergency help right then.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f3axhd", "comment_id": "fhhjej7"}, {"question": "13 weeks pregnant on medications Cymbalta Vyvanse and Xanax as needed for severe ptsd depression and anxiety", "description": "39 yo female\n5\u20195\n160 pounds\nCurrent meds:\nCymbalta 60mg\nVyvanse 70mg\nXanax 1mg as needed for panic and anxiety\n\nSevere ptsd/ trauma and sexual abuse by stepfather at 4-16 years old\n\nSevere depressive disorder and severe anxiety\n\nI am currently 13 weeks pregnant and stable on my medications. I am seeing an obgyn maternal medicine specialist and psychiatrist and therapist. I am choosing to continue my medications throughout my pregnancy as the benefits outweigh risks. I am looking for any guidance or advice on this subject as I am aware of the category of each med \u201cc\u201d \nI am afraid to go off of these medications as this is the most therapeutic regime I have been on and have been able to feel normal and live a non-debilitating life.", "answer": "[MotherToBaby](https://mothertobaby.org) is a great resource for these kinds of questions if you want to do some looking on your own. As always, discussion with the doctors you have is very important.\n\nCymbalta is low risk, and the risk of untreated depression and anxiety usually outweighs the potential but tiny risks.\n\nVyvanse has little data. If you can avoid taking it for a time just before delivery, that may be safer, but there isn't much to show risk when it's taken at prescribed doses. The risk is higher at doses that are abused recreationally.\n\nSimilarly, if you can avoid taking Xanax for a few weeks before delivery, there's less theoretical risk of your baby going through withdrawal.\n\nIn general, when you have serious mental health problems that can threaten your wellbeing, which in turn threatens your baby's wellbeing, sticking with effective treatment is most often the best option. I hope that your team has had the same conversation with you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "glfmzv", "comment_id": "frd2nv3"}, {"question": "Husband has become extremely forgetful and zoned out", "description": "Age: 31\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 5 foot 8 inches\n\nWeight: 260lbs\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration of complaint: 2-3 weeks, progressively getting worse\n\nLocation: NW Ohio\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Anxiety and acid reflux\n\nCurrent medications: unsure of names, but one for anxiety and one for heartburn\n\nInclude a photo if relevant: N/A \n\nHello,\nMy husband used to be super attentive and on top of his shit, part of why I married him! These past 2-3 weeks he has changed drastically. He is super forgetful now. He paced the aisles at the store a few times yesterday and I asked what he was looking for so I could help find it, and he said he didn't remember. He forgot an ingredient in a recipe he makes regularly. he forgot his hardhat for work today, and its the same job he's worked for over 5 years and never forgot before.\nI told him I was concerned and wanted him to go to the doctor, but he immediately became defensive saying he was fine and that work would put him off for two weeks with no pay and no unemployment just for going to the doctor. I myself have a Master's degree in Human Resources and told him that was not legal for the company to do....then his coworker texted me today and verified it was false.\nHis coworker also said that he hasn't been right at work and his work performance is slipping badly. He did a task today that normally takes him 30 minutes and it took him over 4 hours today to complete.\nAside from the forgetfulness, he is never fully aware anymore. I will sit next to him and talk and he will not hear me. he will listen at first sometimes and then zone out so badly that I will stop mid sentence to see if he is listening and he never notices if I've stopped.\nI was cleaning and had a wooden log fall on me within 3 feet from where he was sitting, and I yelled. he didn't hear the log fall or me yell.\nHe has stopped doing housework and gets mad when I don't do it all for him, which used to never be the case. we were always an excellent team and split the housework well.\nHe has not changed any medicines in over a year, and no other major changes have happened.\nAny ideas on what is going on?? His coworker is concerned it is a tumor pushing on his brain, and I worry that it might be early Alzheimers or something...", "answer": "Red flags are present for neurological, psychiatric or toxicological issues. Urgent referral even if he doesn't want to.\n\nEdit: involve family if he doesn't cooperate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j1ilar", "comment_id": "g6zm4ri"}, {"question": "Would my doctor have known?", "description": "I saw a neurologist - muscular specialist 3 months ago due to twitching. He tested all strength and reflexes and physically examine my body. \n\nDid not suspect anything at all. Did not order an EMG or a follow up. \n\nHand seems off... But, based on this do I need to go back? \n\nHe would\u2019ve detected anything wrong then? \n\n fearing ALS... \n\nMale, 23yo 185lbs, 6\u201901\u201d", "answer": "You have posted variations on this same question too many times. Please stop asking the same question. We have nothing new to say.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c4tlwb", "comment_id": "erycq1m"}, {"question": "GF[34/F] who cheated on me [34/M] and got engaged with another man came back", "description": "My GF[34/F] who lives in Europe cheated on me [34/M/US] and lied about it, despite the fact that I have asked her to be honest about the fact that she might find someone else. All she needed to do is to tell me that she found someone else. Instead, she told me that she wants to put relationship on hold, when I demanded an explanation, she sent me a picture of another man's head resting on her lap and long email how terrible I am, and how good is another man. Apparently, she was dating him for several months now and only announced then, because she wanted \"to make sure he is right man.\" She told me that she is planning to take out IUD and have kids with this man, and when she is planning to do it in next 6 months, and on top of that, she will name a dog she want's to buy, with the name of the child we were planning to have.\nThrough several months we exchanged angry emails, and finally on day of our anniversary on Feb.23rd (several months after events started to unfold), she emailed me a pic of wedding band and pic of her and her new man somewhere in Paris, giving me much crap, and how terrible I was and promised never to write to me again. When asked why she is showing me all this, she said that this is her way of stopping this angry email exchange. \nFast forward, to last week. She sent me a message through Facebook, that he engaged collapsed(it lasted 6 months), because new man didn't want to have her 11 year old son(\"he is unable to share me with my child\") and guy is terrible egoist, despite the fact, that he wanted to have kids and he is no longer a \"suitable\" partner. I have talked to her about few things, and so far, she is not apologetic. \nWhat should I tell her ? I still have feeling for her... \n(I feel like, I am dealing with mentally ill or mentally unstable person.)", "answer": "You'd be taking a huge risk of course. If you still want to be with her, insist she go to counseling with you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qb1", "comment_id": "dkfnvmk"}, {"question": "Interview help! Please? ", "description": "I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm really tired of messing up interviews with my shitty social skills. Does anyone have any tips/hints/lifehacks?", "answer": "The last thing I think before going into an interview is \"you can only do your best, you can only be yourself. For better or for worse, it will all be over with soon. So don't worry, just go in there, and be yourself.\"\n\nhope that helps...\n\nbohowannabe's advice is solid too", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "vnqoc", "comment_id": "c562gwt"}, {"question": "is socializing even that fun?", "description": "For a long time I have wished for more friends and be invited to events. But almost every time I actually get invited to something, I go, and I do not enjoy it very much. It is okay, but I start longing for time alone to spend with my hobbies. I find this strange, as I normally feel like friends is the one thing I miss in my life. I have considered that maybe I just have not clicked enough with anybody yet. Because I have a boyfriend, and I absolutely love spending time with him, even after a year together. I mean there must be a reason I love socializing with him but not other people. I guess it could be that with him, (and my family) I feel 100% relaxed and myself. Achieving that level of comfortableness with friends just seems difficult, maybe it is often required that you are childhood friends.\n\nThis also makes me realize the importance of actually making friends that are *good* for you. And to create relationships by being yourself. As a friendless person, I think it is easy to think that anyone will be good enough, if you just get one or a few friends, it would be amazing. But what if you do not feel you can be yourself around them? Then socializing will only drag you down mentally.\n\nSo basically I think that even if you have few friends, it is equally important for you to be picky as far as relationships goes. Do you agree? it is better to have no friends than friends with whom you do not feel comfortable?", "answer": "Being picky as far as relationships go all depends on how much time/energy you have and are willing to give to your relationships. There's no right or wrong answer. \n\n\nI don't think it's healthy or productive to complain about the lack of relationships but also be extremely picky or closed off to fostering new relationships. \n\n\nHaving no friends vs having friends you feel uncomfortable with? This is tricky. I think it's important to differentiate between friends and friendly acquaintances. Nobody generally starts out with a deep emotional connection and level of comfort with someone when they just start hanging out. There is always going to be some level of discomfort when spending time with newer acquaintances. If you shy away from many of these types of interactions due to not feeling comfortable, you're passing up the opportunity to have these relationships turn into comfortable friendships over time. \n\n\nIf you're putting a wall up and waiting for people to come along who you will instantly feel completely comfortable with and feel the same type of bond you had with friends growing up or people you have known for a very long time, you'll be waiting by yourself forever. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9aza8r", "comment_id": "e4zo9f9"}, {"question": "My Gynecologist makes me come in to see him every 3 months, is this normal for a healthy 24 y/o or should I switch doctors?", "description": "My gynecologist has me come in every 3 months to see him, one time just to ask for a birth control refill (I get a 90 day pack) where I don't even get an exam, and the second time for the actual check up 3 months after the refill appointment. I'm 24 and healthy and have been told by family and friends that the amount my doctor is asking me to see him is abnormal for my age. Is the frequency of appointments related to my birth control prescription, my insurance, doctor preference? \n\nI live in Ohio so not sure if that would affect the reasoning behind the frequency of visits, but is this normal??", "answer": "That\u2019s ridiculous!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bg4dnj", "comment_id": "elj388e"}, {"question": "How do therapists treat avoidant attachment?", "description": "I guess there are as many approaches as therapists (and clients!), but I want to gain a broad sense of how a therapist might treat avoidance / avoidant attachment that is contributing to a client\u2019s struggles.\n\nIt\u2019s easier for me to imagine that a therapist might use the relationship between them and the client to teach boundaries and model healthy attachments for a client who has trouble with, say, anxious attachment. I could be wrong or way off base, but in the case of avoidance it seems like therapists would not tend to use the relationship to teach avoidant clients to ask for more from them or depend more on them. So I\u2019m just wondering lately what therapists would do to help someone who is avoidant become more secure in their attachments.\n\nSort of wondering for myself. Speaking as someone who is very on the avoidant side, boundaries are definitely not an issue. My tendency is not to ask for help or to reach out. It\u2019s partly avoidance, partly just wanting to respect my therapist\u2019s time and personal life, and partly not knowing what I am and am not allowed to do so erring on the side of asking for less. I even recently got coronavirus and recovered in between our-biweekly sessions, and my therapist seemed shocked I didn\u2019t reach out. I told them I almost texted them, and they said, \u201cyou can always do that.\u201d After hearing that, I wish I would have. At the same time, I don\u2019t think my therapist *really* means that; I would be texting them every single day if both of us were truly giving me the permission to reach out whenever I wanted or needed.", "answer": " \n\nShort answer: it\u2019s a lot like working with a skittish animal who has a hard time trusting humans. I try to be really gentle and safe: showing the person that I\u2019m here, I\u2019m not going anywhere, and I\u2019m really really really curious about them. I ask a lot of questions\u2014 trying to draw them into the conversation / relationship. Overtime, my hope is that they experience me as someone who is inviting and safe\u2014 but not pushy or demanding. Someone who wants to know them. Someone who cares and is interested in what\u2019s happening inside of them. \n\nI will eventually start to bring our relationship into the conversation \u2014 letting them know how I am impacted in our relationship. \u201cI notice when you said that, I felt more connected to you. I felt there was a shift in our relationship. Is that something you noticed, or was that just on my side?\u201d I\u2019m trying to tune them into any emotional shifts that they might be experiencing to see if they can feel a difference in the quality of a relationship when it does get more intimate and more vulnerable. To really tall about this vulnerability, what it feels like, how they experience it in their body, if there is any satisfaction in that. \n\nThroughout this, we also talk about how others in relationships might experience them. \u201cI\u2019m sort of feeling like there are parts of you that I\u2019m not quite getting to see. I hear the words, but I\u2019m not necessarily sensing what that *feels* like to you\u2026I\u2019m wondering if your wife/husband might feel that way sometimes too?\u201d I try to use our relationship to test out / give voice to what others might be experiencing in their lives but in a way that is less defensive and more curious: I\u2019m experiencing the connection this way, I wonder what that\u2019s about? Maybe we can kind of look at that together? \n\nMy hope is that they will learn to see me as someone who is safe to try on connection with, to experiment with vulnerability, and to find that wow\u2026it actually feels really soothing and nice to be vulnerable with someone. Then how might we do that in other relationships?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ge05vn", "comment_id": "fpnc2oe"}, {"question": "Friday, 1st September 2017", "description": "A new month, New begging.\nTime for change, Better myself. \n\nI've been given a second chance, I'll take it. \nHead down, Work hard. \n\nFocus on good. \nFocus on myself. \nFocus on reaching my goals. \n\nI can and I will take control of this horrible life. \nI will become a better man, A new man. \n\n", "answer": "Love your motivation. It's all about momentum! Put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed! Good luck and happy September!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "dmfmxds"}, {"question": "Coming off psychiatric medications after being on them for years. What to do?", "description": "In May of 2015, I saw a psychiatrist for treatment for my generalized anxiety disorder symptoms and she prescribed me two medications *fluoxetine* and *lamotrigine*. The medicines helped but I got some nasty side effects like weight gain, sexual dysfunction, gynecomastia, and emotional blunting. In May of 2019, I started my taper off the lamotrigine under my PA's supervision (went to a different psychiatry clinic), and my PA got me off the medication in October. She then tapered me off the fluoxetine and I should be done in a few days.\n\nI have been very hesitant about going on psychiatric medications for years due to the fears of side effects and that if I had an adverse effect on my health, I would have to deal with it and it would be my fault. While tapering off the medications, I encountered a domain called `survivingantidepressants.org` in a DuckDuckGo search. I was looking for an online withdrawal support group and while I did get that, many of the users on that site were very cynical about the safety and efficacy of these psychiatric medications. They also seem to be very wary of what they call the \"mental health system\" or as they call it the \"psychiatric industrial complex\". Some even go as far to refer to \"mental health\" and \"mental illness\" in scare quotes, as if they are saying mental health issues aren't real or made up by the pharmaceutical industry to make money. It's all one scary conspiracy theory.\n\n1. I'm concerned about the possibility of brain damage from prolonged use of these medications. An article on CNN stated that medications like fluoxetine and lamotrigine are associated with brain atrophy with prolonged use. My PCP and psychiatric physician's assistant assured me that I should be fine, that the online media exaggerates side effects for clicks, and not to worry. I've been on these med for about four years. What's your opinion?\n\n2. I encountered some weird information on that `survivingantidepressants.org` website. One info suggested tapering off a psychiatric medication under a 10% dose reduction every month. When I told my PA that, she told me that this doesn't apply to the majority of patients who are tapering. The site also claims of conspiracy theories of the FDA allegedly colluding with pharmaceutical companies in order to bring drugs to market ASAP and bypass safety testing. At first this sounds plausible, but when I heard about the time the FDA prevented the manufacturer of Trintellix from advertising the antidepressant as a medication to improve cognitive function in patients, it made me question the claims made on that layperson withdrawal site. What are your thoughts?\n\n3. My PCP and PA said that everything should go back to the way it was before treatment once I am off the final medication for a few months. Is this good advice. Do I have reason to be concerned? What should I look out for?", "answer": "Psychiatry has an active, amorphous hatedom. Some is disgruntled former patients, with legitimate grievances or not. Some is funded and drive. by Scientology, which as a tenet of faith opposes psychiatry. Very little is science-based. Like anything, you can find fringe views and plain lies as easily as accurate information by blind internet search. \n\n1. There is some reason to be concerned about the long-term effects of some medications. Reporting latched onto antidepressants, but in actuality the risky medications are any that are anticholinergic. That\u2019s a number of old psychiatric medications, but not fluoxetine or lamotrigine, both of which appear safe for long-term use. \n\n2. That\u2019s a site that, like any, mixes information with misinformation. I would take it with a few grains of salt in part because of the bias of who\u2019s there. People who stopped taking medications quickly or even cold turkey and had no issues aren\u2019t thinking about it or discussing it online. Unless there\u2019s a rush there\u2019s no downside to a very slow taper.\n\n3. Yes, everything will probably go back to how this gs were without medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ex85mj", "comment_id": "fg75bcr"}, {"question": "The Life of an Ugly Gay", "description": "Hello world, I just wanted to come here to vent about my life and wallow in my own self pity. If you'd like to join the pity party, you're more than welcome.\n\nI'm openly gay and live in a city with a thriving lgbt community. I've never really been exposed to homophobia or anything and am pretty lucky in that sense. However, I'm not cute. I mean, the people in my life tell me I'm attractive but I feel like that's more politeness than honesty. My two biggest criticisms of myself are that Im overweight and relatively feminine. Although, I have a pretty extensive dating history, but that doesn't matter to me. In my mind, I'm Quasimodo constantly trying to court Esmeralda. \n\nAfter many failed attempts to lose weight, I turned to cocaine and developed a serious addiction. I could see everyone around me worried about my health, telling me that I'm 'too skinny'. But in the mirror I was still obese and undesirable. I needed more blow, I neededto suppress my appetite, I needed to become beautiful. Instead, I became a monster.\n\nToday, I'm trying to quit hard drugs. My appetite is going haywire as a result and I can literally feel myself swelling up. It's terrifying because the only way I can think to stop it is to turn back to my old ways. I don't want that, but I also don't want to be a fat femme gay boy forever.", "answer": "You need to see a psychiatrist. You seem to have a chronic disorder with how you perceive your appearance, and you need to be under the care of a physician as you try to quit those hard drugs and return to a healthier weight.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bd4l9", "comment_id": "d181zbv"}, {"question": "Help interpreting thyroid lab results", "description": "Hi there! I am a 37 (f) 5\u20192, 142lbs, living in Massachusetts. Previous smoker, non-drinker. I recently had a full work up done by my PCP due to a wide variety of sx all revolving around feeling just generally unwell. \n\nOne of the workups done was my thyroid, which I was convinced was the problem, however the results came back as \u201cnormal\u201d. I\u2019ve been reading literature which states there is a difference between \u201cnormal\u201d and \u201coptimal\u201d results. The attached picture shows the normal value range, which I clearly fall into. \n\nI was hoping someone could take a [look](http://imgur.com/JYkGQar) and tell me if my results are in the optimal range, and if not would that indicate hypo or hyper thyroid. Also is there anything else thyroid related that should have been tested but was not. \n\nI appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond. Thank you! \n\n", "answer": "The idea of \"optimal\" endocrinology is largely a product of pseudoscientific para-medicine. That's a normal thyroid panel, and there is no evidence-based reason to do anything with or to your thyroid based on those results.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "905zgf", "comment_id": "e2o014w"}, {"question": "Would a counseling center with an explicitly anti-capitalist slant be legal?", "description": "Since capitalism is a significant factor in the degradation of mental health, I think it would be helpful to have therapy that treats the patient's health in this context. Would it be legal to establish and operate a counseling center along these ideological lines?", "answer": ">Would it be legal to establish and operate a counseling center along these ideological lines?\n\nWhy... would it not be legal? I am not sure I understand the legal element of the concern.\n\nFYI, you may be interested in /r/PsychotherapyLeftists/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hmv2sh", "comment_id": "fxa25wc"}, {"question": "Eye contact", "description": "Just for context, I am an almost middle aged male. I work in a field that is dominated by men.\n\nA little about me. I have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. These were diagnosed long ago and I deal with the symptoms pretty well. I very rarely have anxiety attacks now.\n\nI do have one issue and that's what brings me here. EYE CONTACT. I have so much trouble with it. I understand it's an issue with Asperger's sufferers too. It is affecting my life very negatively. Some people feel like they can't trust me.\n\nTwice today, independently of each other, two of my superiors made comments about it. In the first situation, I was part of a trio. Me, one supervisor and another employee who is high up in the corporate office. My supervisor said, \"This is Jerry (me). He isn't much on eye contact.\" and he chuckled.\n\nIn the second situation, I was having a discussion with another supervisor and he said, \"What are you looking at over there? The conversation is over here.\"\n\nBoth have made comments before. It's something I am working on but when they say stuff like that, it makes me feel ashamed and I feel myself regressing. I haven't told them that it's likely caused by my SAD or maybe Asperger's because it's a manly field and that's just something you get over.\n\nWhat do I do? Do I tell them?", "answer": "I wrote a [quick guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) to making eye contact -- maybe you'll find it helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2vphba", "comment_id": "cok4ch4"}, {"question": "Homesick", "description": "I'm sitting in a hotel room in Florence. Most people would be thrilled, I'm sure, to be in a place they've dreamed of being in for their whole life.\n\nBut I feel so alone, even though I have 3 roommates. I miss my son, I miss my husband, and I really miss my bed. I miss being home.\n\nI know I'm just feeling homesick, but putting a name to the feeling isn't exactly helping me out. Every time I pass by a small child, or a couple holding hands, I just get this sharp pain and a little moisture in my eye--like I'm two steps from crying.\n\nI've traveled and lived away before, but for some reason this is different for me. I feel so sad. I wish someone would give me a hug and tell me everything is fine; even though I know it I need someone to say it.", "answer": "How long are you away for?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2655yu", "comment_id": "chnvnon"}, {"question": "Why don't mental health professionals take insurance?", "description": " Why is it that medical professionals take insurance but not mental health professionals? \n\n I don't want to see some random social worker, I want to see someone with a Ph.D. in psychology, who is actually trained and went through therapy themselves. But they want $260 an hour and don't take insurance. \n\n Who can afford that? Seriously. ", "answer": "Any therapists I've seen in the past have taken my insurance. I live in MA and we are fairly ahead of the curb in terms of mental health though. Where do you live? I'm not used to hearing about mental health professionals not taking insurance. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "70zc1b", "comment_id": "dn74gpb"}, {"question": "Women who talk about how lonely they are and then reject \u2018nice guys\u2019 make me sick", "description": "Stop talking about how lonely you are when you won\u2019t even bother to talk to someone like me and have a normal conversation. If you\u2019re not going to talk to just anyone, you\u2019re not that LONELY then, ARE YOU? Fucking whiny attention seeker.\n\nThis website has made me despise people, mainly females. Fuck everyone. ", "answer": "Maybe you\u2019re not as nice as you think you are.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak8ueg", "comment_id": "ef2myhg"}, {"question": "I just find out i got schizophrenia, a really bad one. dont know what to do.", "description": "Hey guys... Yeah, thats it. I just find out i got schizophrenia...\n\nMy entire life was a lie. Years of constant fighting with myself, thoughts and actions which was just schizophrenia and i thinking was some different personality, not a big deal. \n\nMakes 2 weeks since i find this out. I 'm 20, and for a really long time, i have this difficult in pretty much everything, and its getting worse since when starts. but i never, never looked for a doctor or something. \n\nThen 2 weeks ago i got some balls to go to the psychotherapist, what a surprise. In little words, he told me im pretty fucked up and need a treatment as fast as possible in a closed place (hospitalization - i dont know if this is the right word to use [bad english], but its like stay in a place for crazy people if u get me). In first though i didnt believe him, and just ignored, then 2 days later i went into another one, and another one.... same result in all of it.\n\nFor now im trying to understand this is not real, that person which i talk and shit its not actually real, neither my thoughts and my way of thinking in this world, its all pretty messed up, i dont know if has someone out there with that, but if you read about schizophrenia, you gonna understand.\n\nThe thing is, i really dont know what to do, they told me, my case its really serious and really need a decent treatment fast or else this can get worse, and then i will never be the same, just a crazy fuck with a pretty messed up mind, its the end of the line. I dont want take pills, i dont want get hospitalized, i dont want to lose my life to that... its a shitty life, but at least i have some freedom.. \n\ni was thinking in some natural treatment, i dont know if has something i could do, but i really dont want to go in that way, getting hospitalized and filling my ass with a lot of pills and those things which makes you messed up, and here in my country, only expansive places take care of you decently, other ones just dont give a shit, they mistreat, its not cool.\n\nAnyone knows about that, except my kind of GF (we kind broke up, but we still talk to each other), and she told me i really need to do that, its like having a cancer and dont want to make the chemo.. \n\nI really dont know what to do, i already lost the desire for pretty much everything, but i still feel something in music for instance, and in the nature too.. i dont want to lose that, i dont want to become a freaking messed up walking mind.. \n\nAnyone who have this or knows someone with schizophrenia could help me out, im kind scared of trying to make a decision by a doctor, the last one almost lock me up after make the conclusion of schizophrenia..\nI need a light.", "answer": "I'm a therapist and I work in a psychiatric hospital. Please feel free to ask me any questions and I'll do best to answer them and help you out.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ykpn5", "comment_id": "c5wrxlg"}, {"question": "This weekend was incredibly difficult. (Rant)", "description": "I still haven't had anything since my accident, and I don't plan to. But the toll that this whole situation is taking on me is becoming unbearable. My family pretty much knows I'm an alcoholic now and my mom is up my ass about it all the time. It sucks because I'm 28, but I really don't have anything to stand on right now. I can't stand up to her. I am the weak one, the one who hurt the family in my actions.\n\nI keep looking up the penalties for a second DUI in my state and I'm becoming more terrified every webpage I go to. I go to court next week and it'll be continued because I need an attorney and the trial won't start until they get my blood back from my state's labs, but I blew a .12 and that was laying down on a hospital bed. Who knows if the blood will show a higher alcohol percentage. I could end up going to jail for up to 100 days. I won't be able to drive for at least two years (6 mos. to 1 year for the blood to come back, then 1 year suspended license), and even then I'll have to get another car and have the interlock in there for three years. But really the interlock is the least of my worries. I could care less about the interlock, I know how they work, did that shit before. \n\nBut how do I come back from this? I have no job, no car, the degree I just graduated college with last month is pretty much useless now, my few friends are abandoning me, my family treats me like shit because of this, and my depression is getting worse and worse by the day. I frequently think about ending it all. It's the first I think of when waking up, the last thing I think about going to bed. I have the means to do it. The only thing keeping me sane is thinking maybe by the time I'm 35, if I live that long, this will all be behind me. But even then I still won't have anything to call my own. I want to have a normal life, you know, wife, kids, house, good job. But that just doesn't seem like it'll ever happen lately. Nobody would want to be with someone like me, no car, no home to call his own, no job, 28 and no plan for the future. I'm so ashamed of myself. ", "answer": "Looking to the future and planning and expecting will do you no good. Live today and continue making the right choices and things will turn out better than you expect.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hg118", "comment_id": "caubjrv"}, {"question": "Looking for some friendly support or someone who can relate to my [24F] 10 year relationship with my [25M] boyfriend.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Embarrassment is a normal, human reaction to mistakes we made in the past. That emotion you feel about it has a purpose.. The purpose is to remind you of how far you've come, the lessons you've learned. How lucky you are to be in such a good relationship now! Take the time to be thankful and express your joy that you have something so good going on in your life. Use that feeling to remind you of the good things. Don't dwell so much on the bad. Only use the past to build up what's happening in the present. \n\nJust because you have a strong emotional reaction to it doesn't mean there's a problem *right now.* All you need is a bit of time for the icky feeling to pass. Take a deep breath, and just wait. Sit with the feeling until it goes away, understand that it is normal and temporary, and allow it to pass.\n\nif the feeling is truly unbearable, meditate, do some breathing exercises, or do another mindful activity while it takes its course. But otherwise I don't see much need to take any other action on it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "e7l4ox", "comment_id": "fa0s0c7"}, {"question": "Brother is alcoholic looking for advice", "description": "Hi there, \n\nLike the title says, I'm looking for advice about my older brother who has issues with alcohol. He has been to rehab recently for the first time and for the past couple years has been living at home. He was engaged and had a job as a programmer before, but now is just going through the days with interaction with family and not much else other than the computer. \n\nI've talked a lot with him and he says that everything is just so boring without the influence of alcohol or drugs like Adderall. Anytime somebody suggests something for him to get involved in or alleviate boredom, he pushes the notion of to the side. \n\nWhat can I do to help \n\nThank you", "answer": "If suggestions we're what he needs, he'd be better. \n\nWork on why he can't follow through with the suggestions. Also I like noon decisional activity, like just looking for things that he may like or finding things he definitely doesn't like", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y5d39", "comment_id": "cyaoivh"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "g4in5l9"}, {"question": "Should I Reach Out?", "description": "Hi! Ethics-related Q.\n\nSituation: I saw a therapist for a few months. She was wonderful. She went on leave for a period of time and then, as a result of COVID-19, shut down her practice temporarily. As such, my treatment was abruptly discontinued after waiting out the leave period. Her online profiles began to show that she wasn't taking appointments.\n\nI was bummed, but she sent me recommendations and I began exploring other options. I've been doing so for about three months. Haven't found anyone I'm jazzed about.\n\nWhen I began searching again today, I saw her come up in the online portal. At first I was sort of hurt because I thought she would've re-opened her practice and then checked to see if I was still looking. Is that not the case? Is she not allowed to reach out to me directly since we have technically discontinued treatment?\n\nI'm thinking about reaching out, but not sure what to do.\n\nWould love to hear your thoughts!", "answer": "Definitely reach out. \n\nWas she in private practice before she shut down? If she was part of an organization, she may not be allowed to reach you.\n\nThere are lots of reasons for this situation, but you aren't doing anything wrong by reaching out.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hj2w1y", "comment_id": "fwju7zl"}, {"question": "I have a lot of questions \ud83d\ude02 I\u2019m at a point in life where I genuinely want to improve myself and I would really appreciate any advice/tips!", "description": "Ahhhh hey! Thanks for clicking on this ^^\nIf you scroll down, you\u2019ll find the questions but the information below this is just to provide context \ud83d\udc93\n\nI would love to introduce myself but I made this account anonymous for privacy haha\n\nBasic background info: 16F\n\nDue to traumatic past experiences like bullying and betrayal, I have trust issues and have developed social anxiety. \n\nTrust me, I don\u2019t want to feel this way. Social anxiety sucks! I grew up as an idealistic child with the ideal that all people are internally good and that might have been one of the things that fucked me up. \n\nI\u2019m over the bullying now and refuse to victimise myself but as the result of bullying, backstabbing, stress and being forced to grow up and mature in a situation that wasn\u2019t very kind to me, I\u2019ve realised that I lack a lot of social skills and at the very least, possibly the ability to detect social cues. When I was a child, people told me to \u201cbe a kid once in a while\u201d and that I was way too mature for my age. I suppose as a kid I thought being mature was a good thing (and I still suppose it is today), but I ended up getting along better with adults then I did with children (or as of now, teenagers)\n\nIf I talk about my past, this will be too long to read \ud83d\ude02 So I\u2019ll try to get to the point. Things are better now and I do have people who care for me and I\u2019m SUPER super grateful for them. But I\u2019m super introverted now, I find small talk kinda boring sometimes and have no idea how to make it and I\u2019m curious to know how to converse better and how to gain people\u2019s respect. \n\nI don\u2019t have a lot of things in common with the girls in my class and although I do have common interests with some of the boys, some of them don\u2019t talk openly with me in class because the girls and boys in my class typically don\u2019t talk to each other. I wanna talk and learn about politics, history, philosophy and maybe even fashion! I\u2019m literally okay with talking about most things but uwu it doesn\u2019t seem to be working well. I\u2019m even open to talking about things I know nothing about because it\u2019s fun to learn about new things but gah so far some of my attempts have been unsuccessful and I wanna increase the success rate ya know? \ud83e\udd2a\u263a\ufe0f\n\nI\u2019m leaving a lot of info out uwu but this is my first post so I hope it isn\u2019t too hard to read! \n\nQUESTIONS:\n1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\n6) Any of y\u2019all want to be friends? Or senseis, or moms or bros :p \u270a\ud83c\udffb We love a good sista \ud83d\ude0c\u2728\n\n\nBy the way, thanks! I appreciate any help I can get lmaoo. Even if you don\u2019t say anything (because you don\u2019t know what to say or you\u2019re not really into commenting), thank you for being here, I appreciate you! Ahhhh I have so many questions that hasn\u2019t come to my head yet but I hope I did okay. Again, thanks everybody! \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "1) How do you become \u201ccharismatic\u201d and talk to people better even if you have anxiety?\n\nPractice, practice, practice. Every single person on earth has anxiety to some degree. The more you avoid things that cause your anxiety, the worse it gets, the more you confront things that cause your anxiety and do it anyway, the more manageable it becomes, though it never goes away completely for anyone. \n\n2) How do you get along with people and click with people even if you don\u2019t have similar interest?\n\nSimple.... you can't. If you can't identify a similar interest or something you have in common, you won't be able to click with them. I do believe though if you and the other person are open and willing, if you try hard enough, no matter who they are you can find at least one thing in common with them. \n\n3) How does somebody who doesn\u2019t have the best social skills now improve? \n\nFind role-models. They can be real people you know, famous people, fictional characters. Pick out a few people who are very good at particular social skills you want to work on. Observe how they act and conduct themselves and practice imitating it. Eventually, it'll feel less forced and become part of how you naturally act. \n\n4) When I\u2019m around big groups, I get super anxious. Does anyone have any tips to counter anxiety? \u263a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc93\n\nIt sounds like you're an introvert. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Although it's a bit of a long and heavy read, I'd recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain. It'll help you feel less guilty or bad about being introverted. One thing introverts do in situations like this that often helps is to pick out 1 or 2 people in the larger group and focus on connecting on a deeper level with them instead of trying to do the proverbial extrovert behavior of \"working the room\". \n\n5) I\u2019m actually super energetic and affectionate with people I\u2019m really comfortable with. I switch to a ball of bursting sunshine energy to a mom that gives advice to my friends quickly but only when I\u2019m more comfortable with people. But I feel awkward and get anxious when I meet new people and Idk how to get over that. Any tips? \n\nThis is something that the majority of people experience. The thing is, you can't read their minds or know what's going on inside for them, while you know exactly what's going on for you. Just like you can't read others minds and see their anxiety, others can't see yours most of the time, even if it feels like they can. Be mindful of this and work on accepting that most folks are more anxious and guarded upon meeting new people until they've gotten to know them. There's nothing inherently wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "el9elt", "comment_id": "fdh9pza"}, {"question": "Even some of the smallest changes feel incredible", "description": "Now that I\u2019m over 100 days in I\u2019m feeling so grateful for so much even things that seem insignificant.\n\n- waking up with out a hangover \n- making my bed every morning \n- brushing and flossing my my teeth twice a day \n- washing my face twice a day \n- actually being able to stick to a whitening routine (my teeth are actually whiter for the first time ever!)\n- not wasting all of my sick time/PTO on hangovers! (I already saved up enough PTO to take a weeks vacation!)\n- actually giving my dog the attention and time he deserves!\n- not fighting with my husband over nonsense\n- remembering my moms birthday and taking her out for lunch\n- cleaning my house (still working on this but I\u2019m definitely getting better at it!)\n- consistently writing in a journal \n- early weekend breakfasts \n- sleeping in because I want to not because I\u2019m in to much pain to get up\n- remembering going to bed every night \n- not worrying about getting a DUI or crashing my car \n- not waking up with intense fear and anxiety after black outs\n- being able to recognize when I\u2019ve messed up and own up to it\n\nI have control of my life for what seems like the first time ever, I still have bad days and I still get cravings, but as time goes on they seem to get fewer and far between. \n\nThis sub was the first resource I found once I finally decided things needed to stop once and for all and it definitely put me on the right path, I can\u2019t express how grateful I am for everyone here!\n\nThanks,\nIwndwyt ", "answer": "Well done. Your teeth would thank you if they could \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8utehg", "comment_id": "e1itga7"}, {"question": "Are there ANY books with adult FEMALE protagonists on the spectrum?", "description": "I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman with Asperger's. (The character is more than loosely based on me.) I'm wondering...is this a first?\n\n**I should clarify that by \"protagonist,\" I mean \"main point of view character.\" :-)**", "answer": "I'd like to say that I think you should do this even if it is not a first, if only because the best books are written by people who \"write what they know.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26mp5r", "comment_id": "chsrkib"}, {"question": "Should I approach him", "description": "Ok so there is a boy I think is cute. I want to approach him but I'm scared because it's like he only prefers girls a certain way because on his Instagram the girls he follow looks a specific certain way. I'm scared to approach him because I feel like he will just deny on me. ", "answer": "just be you. that's all you can be. if he doesn't like you he's the wrong guy for YOU. there's a million thrat will love and appreciate you for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ko78r", "comment_id": "dbpdzjf"}, {"question": "40 days", "description": "Life hasn't gotten better, but at least I'm no longer dealing with it drunk. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Keep going. It WILL get better!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "duvp9k", "comment_id": "f7a2ait"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "UK psychiatrist here. Have you got your CAMHS appointment? What did they say about you when you were with them previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wglfi", "comment_id": "dma93hy"}, {"question": "5+ years working in mental health, feeling more disillusioned/confused daily", "description": "Been working with the mentally ill for almost 5 years (now as a psych RN), working acute psych, detox, rehab, and adolescent. I came from medical nursing and, for the first few years, felt my understanding of mental illness growing. Lately, however, I've become more confused (and/or disillusioned) by the entire field. \n\nAs for my confusion - In acute psych in particular, the lack of patient insight distresses me. I've watched documentaries, PSAs, etc. where seemingly \"normal\" people speak about their struggles with schizophrenia or bipolar. My patients almost exclusively show no insight into their condition or are in some type of denial. They seem to exist only in the present, with very little insight into their past or future. I've had professors, physicians, professional athletes whose mental illness now defines them. They are no longer able to function as they once did. Do they remember their past lives in detail? Are they terrified/confused by the drastic change in their life? They don't appear to be. What's going through the mind of a schizophrenic with mostly negative symptoms - staring into the ceiling day after day, saying nothing?\n\nI'm mostly disillusioned by the pharmaceutical side of mental illness. Maybe it's just my current facility (or a few of the facility's physicians), but is it common to continually chase symptoms with new meds? I have many pt's on 10-20 meds, with new orders daily (e.g. seroquel tid, wellbutrin bid, xanax tid, cogentin, benadryl, buspar, vistaril prn, zyprexa prn, trazodone qhs.....plus medical - robaxin, neurontin, etc). Again, i'm an RN not an MD, but at some point, I start to wonder if there's any way for someone to be stable on this amount of meds.\n\nSorry this is kind of all over the place...having a hard time gathering my own thoughts and emotions lately and that might be part of why i'm having such a difficult time lately with this stuff. I have extreme empathy for my pt's and love working in mental health - i don't think i'll ever go back to medical nursing. At this rate, however, if i don't get a good grasp on whether what we're doing is the right thing (or at least leading towards the right thing), I may have to leave the field. Guess I'm hoping for someone to put it in a way that makes more sense to me. ", "answer": "Like another commenter said, self care is so important. That needs to be your first priority from now on. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3xwzxv", "comment_id": "cy9ndim"}, {"question": "NewB", "description": "New to this, I drink every night and I am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. I have often made any excuse for my drinking. I work hard, I only drink at home blah blah blah. I am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when I did not have this problem. I am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. I have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if I do not pass out I do not remember more and more. I could go on and on. This is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "I hope SD is as helpful to you as it has been to me \n\nGood luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "e7s4ldj"}, {"question": "How to get the numbness to go away?", "description": "I mean, I guess it's not really numbness. It's a feeling of nothing blanketed over a bunch of sadness, I guess. I've been in therapy and I've been on meds and it doesn't do much. I think I'm emotionally drained but sometimes everything gets a little heavier and I cry a bit. I still get anxiety but not as soul crushingly as in the past. I still can't go in public without the edges of my vision going black. I wanna be happy, or at least better than this. Everything means nothing, but I'm still sad. I guess that's the only emotion I can really feel. How do I make that go away? I wanna be able to love things again, I want to be able to feel happy. I'm really obsessive to the point where I'll think about something until it gives me a headache but generally I feel like there's a dull ache in my head constantly. My brain never really stops. I really envy people who can accept things the way they are. I really can't do that. I would probably let something slip and bad things would happen. I have to make sure I don't fuck up but obsessing about not fucking up makes me a fuck up. I can't do anything right because I'm too busy obsessing about whether or not I do. How do I make this stop? I wish somebody would know. Either for the obsessing or the numbness, either one. I'd really appreciate it. ", "answer": "are you very pleased with your therapist? if not, find another. makes all the difference. meds too. need the right doc.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z8r0x", "comment_id": "dewb8xn"}, {"question": "I'm a social mess. Suggestions appreciated.", "description": "I was an extremely introverted loner as a kid, due to my fathers work I switched schools on average of once a year until I was 12 so I didn't really have time to settle anywhere. Possibly as a result of this, I didn't have much confidence or any friends until my mid teens. Needless to say I spent a lot of my formative years by myself and grew to appreciate my own company, a little too much to be healthy!\n\nI'm now 26 years of age and I'm still quite introverted. Even though I have quite a lot of friends, I still prefer spending time by myself. I'd rather stay at home at weekends reading, studying, walking my dog or browsing the internet than go to a club and drink with my friends chasing girls but I force myself to socialize with my friends one night a week, even this can feel like a real burden.\n\nQuite often, when someone, particularly family members and strangers, is talking to me I really can't be bothered participating in the conversation, beyond a few curt words so the conversation ends up being extremely one sided. It's as if forming proper sentences is the most tiring thing I could do in these conversations.\n\nI realize I'm socially inept. Reddit, can you offer me some advice. Thanks in advance.\n\n", "answer": "Being social means different things to different people. If you are more of an intorvert, that's ok. Figure out how to have relationships in a way that works for you. Check out [this article](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-be-more-social) for more.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13q2oi", "comment_id": "c76m72c"}, {"question": "After ten months sober, I had \u201cone drink\u201d...", "description": "Sigh. Yeah. My intention was to only drink on Halloween\u2014 for some reason. I thought I could make one exception. And then the next day I said to myself \u201cwow, and it\u2019s not like I have the urge to do that all the time. Maybe I can just be cool about this and drink sometimes, like a normal teenager.\u201d\n\nThat turns into a bottle of wine on Election Day, drinking at a concert, vodka on Thanksgiving, tequila at a dinner party. \n\nAnd you know what these experiences have added to my life??\n\nNAUSEA and DISAPPOINTMENT. That\u2019s it. My year sober would\u2019ve been two weeks from now. I was drunk last night and my mom (who quit two months ago. she said I inspired her) told me she felt great sober and she was so happy. I had no idea how to tell her that I\u2019ve been drinking again. I think I knew then, knew always, that I\u2019d need to quit again. \n\nI can\u2019t live with this hanging over my head and inside my stomach. \nDay 1, again. I wish I\u2019d made the year. But I have today. \n\nIwndwyt. \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "Thanks for sharing... I can totally see myself doing that.... again. Hopefully I won\u2019t!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a090t2", "comment_id": "eaggiae"}, {"question": "Need Help/Advice", "description": "Just need some insight as I can feel myself spiraling.\nI've been depressed/anxious on and off for about 10 years now, been on and off meds and have gotten in patient treatment twice. The last couple years I've been off meds and was pretty good but lately my anxiety has been non-stop and my morning depression has been terrorizing me. As I write this I've been up for 6.5 hours since230, laying with my eyes closed while my mind won't stop with the usual \"you're a burden, no one likes you, you can't handle life\" \n\nI have a girlfriend that knows I've been \"down\" lately but I don't go into detail w her about the suicidal thoughts and lack of interest in almost everything. She has some depressive tendencies but has never been diagnosed. She's great and tells me she loves me and we'll get through this, but I'm worried I'm just pushing her away.\n\nI can't afford health insurance but I really think that I need to get back on meds/therapy. It makes me feel hopeless though, I feel like help is out of reach for me. \n\nI can't really talk to friends about this and my family has never really known how to help despite my mom being on antidepressants. \n\nWould just like some insight on the issue if anyone would like to help. This seems to be a great thread for people seeking advice so I would appreciate any that anyone wants to give.", "answer": "[\u522a\u9664]", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8rqy7o", "comment_id": "e0ttdzg"}, {"question": "I'm crying because I feel sorry for my parents", "description": "They are happy and asleep, I joked around with them an hour ago and we were laughing and they were really happy. They love me. I love them.\n\nNow I'm crying because they would be so sad if they knew how sad I am all the time. I'll never tell but I can't help to feel sorry for them, they deserve a happier child. \n\nParadoxical.\n\n\nEDIT: You're all amazing people with encouraging words. I don't think depression makes you a bad kid and I don't think I'm brave or amazing for hiding it from them, it's just that I want to try and cope on my own. I love those 2 people too much to make them worry about something they can't fully comprehend and wouldn't understand. But just because I'm scared of doing so with my parents doesn't mean it's a good thing. Sharing is amazing, you just have to choose when and where will you share, and to whom. I shared here and it feels great. Thank you for that. ", "answer": "Counselor/father/son of a depressed mother here. The paradox is that talking to them is likely the first step in recovery for you. Depression wants you to believe that you have to suffer alone, but as soon as you start to defy that notion, many find increased strength and hope. Keeping it to yourself, for many people, is a recipe for continued suffering. I wish you the best, and I hope you find someone you're willing to reach out to.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "397znb", "comment_id": "cs1sinw"}, {"question": "I have this weird thing that happens during episodes and I'm becoming afraid nobody else experiences this?", "description": "Sometimes during episodes I feel like I don't know anybody around me. Even if it's my fiance and his family I still feel like I don't know them and that I need to be somewhere else with familiar people, but at the same time I dont know where I need to be. It's a shear panic feeling that I get. It feels like my whole world is crumbling beneath me and that everyone is a stranger. \n\nI'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense, but the feeling is nearly indiscribable and I did my best. \n\nDoes anyone else get this way? ", "answer": "Look up depersonalization as a form of disassociation. It sounds more like disassociation from the way you described it but I have also run into that form of expression of depersonalization where you cease feeling like you are an actual person to some extent. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9fguz1", "comment_id": "e5wq1eb"}, {"question": "Tolerant Partners/Spouses", "description": "My wife is exceptionally tolerant of my drinking which currently takes up every evening. I'll start about 6 pm and stop when I go to bed around midnight and this has been pretty much the same story for the 20 years of my marriage. She doesn't drink often, maybe 3 glasses of wine a week, but she never questions my drinking and often actually picks me up some beers without me even asking.\n\nI guess I'm finding it hard to see my drinking as a problem when it's so tolerated and condoned by someone I live with. It is a problem, hence why I'm on this sub, but the person closest to me doesn't see that.\n\nAnyone else had this - it's a weird one, I know?", "answer": "Yep. I said some version of \"I think maybe I have a drinking problem\" for years. My spouse repeatedly told me, \"I don't think you're an alcoholic. You can \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (various ways he had seen me moderate)\". It wasn't until I spelled out for him just how difficult it was for me to moderate that he understood.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dmxgxp", "comment_id": "f55p2hn"}, {"question": "Need direction on finding a therapist.", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am hoping that someone can send me in the right direction for seeing a therapist, as there are many different specialties and classifications. I don't suffer from depression or anxiety, and seeing a therapist isn't a pressing need in my life, but I think it would be beneficial for me to go to discuss things from my past that I've buried deep down. In essence, I wouldn't be going to therapy for any specific reason (e.g., I haven't lost a loved one, I'm not depressed, I haven't gone through a traumatic event or breakup, etc.). It just feels like the right thing to do to go talk to a licensed professional, rather than a friend or family member. Are certain therapists better suited for a more general need like mine? Appreciate any help.", "answer": "I would say that overall, the most important things you can do is to find a therapist you think you would connect with. If they have an online profile or website, does what they say about how they work connect with you? \n\n2nd, finding a therapist that workable for you. Do they take your insurance if you plan on using it. Do they have availability on a day/time that would work well for you? Are they located somewhere that is relatively easy to get to for you? This way, as things get tough, you don't have too many excuses to tell yourself not to go. \n\n\nIf you've never been in therapy before, focus primarily on these things. If you think you need a certain kind of specialist, talk to your current therapist about it. They'll be able to guide you much better.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ezwhc5", "comment_id": "fgpxuku"}, {"question": "Levodopa and SSRIs", "description": "Age: 32\nGender: FtM\nLocation: USA\nDuration of complaint: 27 years/10 years\nHealth Issues: primary dystonia, CRPS/neuropathy, chronic migraines, IBS, Chiari malformation, Raynaud's syndrome, undiagnosed blood pressure issue (seeing cardio in January), PTSD, complicated grief, vitamin D deficiency \nRx: hyosciamine, gabapentin, sinemet, Zoloft, vitamin D, testosterone \n\nSo I apologize if this isn't appropriate to this forum but it seems the best suited on Reddit. This is a question about being medically complicated. \n\nI have dopa responsive generalized childhood onset dystonia. I am also negative for any of the known DYT genes. I take levodopa-carbidopa extended release three times a day to manage it. \n\nI am also on a low dose (75 mg) daily for the complicated grief. My psychiatrist doesn't want to go any higher because he is worried about it complicating my levodopa/dystonia situation. \n\nI know DRD is a rare disease and Parkinson's, while closely related, isn't a perfect mirror by any stretch of the imagination. \n\nDo we know if going higher on my Zoloft would cause problems? I know I am wary of playing too much with two neurochemicals at the same time but right now my grief is peaking to the point that my grief therapist suggested pushing myself to a break down (safely at home with friends). I would like a buffer from my pain and honestly don't feel like Zoloft is doing anything. \n\nAlternatively, if SSRIs are dangerous for levodopa patients, are there better medications for us?", "answer": "I know nothing about DYT, so everything I say is based on Parkinson's, which as you say is not the same.\n\nIn Parkinson's, there is concern that SSRIs can worsen motor symptom, but in all studies I've seen they've either been neutral or had improvement in motor symptoms. SSRIs are also routinely combined with carbidopa-levodopa, so I'm not sure what the worry is. Carbidopa-levodopa is sometimes combined with selegiline, which can be dangerous with SSRIs.\n\nOn top of that, there's also limited evidence that SSRIs help with complicated grief. But there is some, so if you're going to try Zoloft you might as well try a full dose.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4eag6", "comment_id": "ebdqhjg"}, {"question": "Dont know what to do(26m) feeling like im trapped with her(24f)", "description": "So a little background I met my gf on tinder and it ended up be a great match, we've been together almost 18 months, but recently things have been taking a turn. She's working towards her second degree in college and I've an establish career in construction, and recently she's been showing signs of being aggressive towards me and even emotionally abusive at times. She does suffer from depression and anxiety bad I try to take it with Grain of salt. She's been out of work for a while now and is constantly concerned about money and I always come to the rescue help her out here and there, pay for food, just wherever I can. We've been considering moving in together but I'm not sure I'm ready for that because of the recent change in her. I've tried comforting her when she has these bouts of anger and sadness but nothing I do ever seems to be enough. Like it's always my fault, I do love the girl but I've never felt so small next to her. I don't know if I should break it off or try me fix things or what? Part of me wants to end it but I feel guilty every time that crosses my mind. That I'd leave her broken \nTldr: give her the world and feel like it's never enough", "answer": "she has to fix herself; get therapy; talk to her doc.\n\nyou have to decide how much you love her and how patient you want to be", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8er3", "comment_id": "ddl1ksn"}, {"question": "Today is my 365th day without alcohol and I couldn't be happier", "description": "I quit drinking a year ago because I was about to go to jail for a serious DUI. Before that I was unemployed and drinking a fifth of whiskey a day+. I was only in jail for 2 months but I was committed to turning my life around and i have stuck to that commitment. I feel like today marks a big milestone for me doing so.\n\nI am now working a full time job and looking toward a brighter future without alcohol holding me back.\n\nI just wanted to post here today to say that if quitting drinking seems like an impossible thing in your life, dont give up. I would have never thought I could do it, yet here I am. You are stronger than you think and if alcohol is holding you back, just know that leaving it behind is the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself and for those who care about you.\n\nThanks for reading and I will not drink with all of you today.\n\n\nEdit: I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. This is a great community and it makes me happy to see all of the positivity for each other. Thank you so much and congrats to all of you, too!", "answer": "Well done. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8kxjbw", "comment_id": "dzbzgiv"}, {"question": "I always thought the forgetting part of ADHD was a bit exaggerated, aren't all humans forgetful ? However ....", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is why I lay everything out on the bed first. This also allow s me to avoid \"oh fuck, nothing matches again.\" ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "73fj1t", "comment_id": "dnqtxw0"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (25) is emotionally explosive and I (24) feel helpless, scared, and frustrated. What can I do?", "description": "A little background: He and I have been together for 5 and a half years, since our sophomore year of college. We were long distance for just under 3 years of that and almost broke up because of it. He ended up moving back to where I was, despite my warnings that he shouldn't do something like that just for me. I was very worried about resentment, which is why I didn't move to him first. We've been living together for 5 months. \n\nRecently we've had a lot of trouble with assumed intentions and baiting. I've become more direct as I've gotten older and matured: if I'm upset, I'll say so and why. I don't have time for mixed messages. He used to be similar, but now it's like he's jumped the other way. It was manageable at first, but I don't know if it's gotten more \"dramatic\" or if I've begun to lose patience (possibly a mix of the two). For example, I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning, so I got to bed early. If I tell him that I'm going to sleep, he'll often get extremely upset with me that we haven't spent time together and can't believe I'm going to bed, even though we've watched movies for the past 4 hours. He takes it personally, when really I just have to go to bed. No matter how I explain to him that it's just something I have to do and void of any ill-intentions, he still cries, so I end up staying up 3 hours past my bedtime to comfort him (not an exaggeration, that's about how long it takes). In any argument, I have to agree with him about my own intentions before we can move on. I'm never trying to tell him he can't have hurt feelings, but if I try to tell him that I don't feel the way he assumed, it makes the situation worse.\n\nHe'll also run away from me hoping I'll chase him. More than once he's started to leave our apartment during an argument waiting for me to beg him to stay, which is not my style at all. If he wants to leave, I'm going to let him go because that's what he wants to do. He's told me not to come home at night or threatened to have his bags packed, again hoping I'll plead with him. He scoots away from me on the couch and then gets upset when I don't immediately reattach to his side. I understand that he must be doing this so that I prove my love to him or something along those lines, but that's just not the way I work. I actually get frustrated and annoyed--if you want me to come closer, just say so; don't play these high school games.\n\nWe've talked about it later after we've cooled down and he understands in that moment, but it all goes out the window once he gets highly emotional. Beyond feeling annoyed that he runs wanting me to beg him to stay, he's started acting dangerous. He once told me \"don't expect me to be alive when you come home\" as I was leaving for work (so I immediately called off and stayed home) and another time started grabbing kitchen knives. I'm concerned for his safety and also my own.\n\nThe hardest part is that we're actually IN therapy, but it's like he's a different person in there. He is understanding, thoughtful, apologetic and confident in himself. We seem to make real progress in there and I always feel like we understand each other better. Literally as soon as we leave the room, though, he'll tell me he's done because of something that I shared and storm off down the street. I feel like I'm on edge, waiting for his emotional shoe to drop at any moment. I cried recently because I felt so backed into a corner (I don't cry often because my depression isn't very welcoming to tears), and he said \"that's what I was waiting for, thank you\" and immediately turned on the TV, stopped crying himself, and acted like nothing happened.\n\nSorry, I know this got long. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm running out of patience but I feel like I'm also running out of strength. I feel powerless because his emotional state is always one of immense hurt and there's no room for me to be anything or do anything other than exactly what he wants. It's always perceived as me kicking a hurt puppy. I become \"a shitty person\" if I ask him to stop playing games. I'm \"mean and horrible\" if I try to explain that me going to bed has nothing to do with me not wanting to spend time with him because I can't invalidate the way he feels. I'm \"rude\" and \"don't care about [him]\" if I bring any of these things up in therapy. I feel like I have nothing except to rollover and brainlessly do what he wants. \n\nI don't even know what exactly I'm asking for. Am I overreacting? Am I being terrible and insensitive? Is there anything I can do to help make this situation better? I hate that I make him sad so often but I also feel like half the time I'm not doing anything other than just existing. Please, if you have any advice at all, I would appreciate it. I'm desperate for help.\n\n**TL;DR:** boyfriend is highly emotional and plays emotion games but I'm direct and struggle with mixed messages. Seems like emotional state is escalating to dangerous levels but I feel powerless to stop and/or fix. Any help/advice is appreciated. ", "answer": "he has big problems. if he doesn't change, leave. psychologytoday.com has a therapist directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6arc9a", "comment_id": "dhgv44q"}, {"question": "Losing interest in AA", "description": "Hey guys, something has been on my mind for a while. \n\nThe 1st of the month will be 2 years for me. I started my recovery in a 6 month sober living environment that preached AA and mandated church on Sundays. I'm not religious and church was just a thing I did to stay in the program. I found some sort of spirituality and worked the steps with a sponsor.\n\n I eventually moved and found a different sponsor with long term sobriety, who told me essentially that I knew nothing of the program, and we started over. He's a great guy, and I wanted what he has. I was. Having a lot of issues in life at the time, with my relationship, as well as a pretty devastating house fire, and he ended up getting deeply involved in my relationship problems, and distancing himself when I stuck with her.\n\nThrough this whole year for various reasons I'd find myself getting further away from AA, coming back for a month, leaving for a month, working the steps, not working the steps, etc. Without an urge to use, while life and my ability to react to it steadily improved.\n\nIn a little over a week I will celebrate 2 years with no interest in turning back, with my mental health better than ever, my relationship better than ever, etc. At this point I haven't been to a meeting in 2 months, and prior to that I would say I've been to a combined, maybe 4 meetings I'm the past 6 months. I don't miss it. I keep in contact with 1 buddy who is in the program, and he doesn't judge me for it, but at this point I've been to probably 100 different meetings in 2 counties, and I've never found that group that clicks, or those anchor people who stick with me through it all.\n\nI don't hold any grudges against AA for not having what I want, and I don't miss the meetings or the people.\n\nI'm sure I'm not the only person who originally drank the Kool aid, and then developed a distaste for it as I readapted to life.\n\nDo you have a similar story?", "answer": "It still hurts how the people I became so close to my first year of recovery ghosted when my schedule picked up/I had to go back on stimulant meds for my adhd. My one friend who I had laughed with weeks earlier about wanting to kill ourselves over the smallest inconvenience (bc that would be easier than grocery shopping (dark humor ftw)) told me that she had \u201cdecided to be happy now and didn\u2019t want any negativity around.\u201d I walked into my home group and felt unwelcome. I have 2.5 years. Haven\u2019t been to a meeting in maybe 1.5 (other than with mom recently since she just got out of rehab). \n\nI just make sure that the things that helped me exist in my life still. My best friends know my history. I tell on myself. I go to therapy. I take my moral inventory. I miss the camaraderie and feeling like I finally was with people like me, but realized they weren\u2019t like me in the ways that mattered. ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7s6xhy", "comment_id": "dt3qu28"}, {"question": "Can I drink very little with nafld?", "description": "Hello, I'm overweight and have moderate NAFLD, probably due to my weight. I'm treating it with diet and exercise, and I've been told to abstain from alcohol, however, it's been difficult because I'm depressed, anxious and the treatment is such a big pain in the ass that I'm getting even more depressed. Tasting liquor is one of the few things I enjoy yet, it doesn't even need to be a big amount. I wonder if that advice should be taken absolutely or if I can drink modestly, like 25 to 30ml of 40% alcohol per day two or three times a week. This should be enough to me.", "answer": "You're probably better off not drinking at all. Drinking a little bit is safer than drinking more. That's really all the advice a doctor can give you. Not everyone can follow all medical advice. Because you mention depression and anxiety and haven't described anything else about it, I hope you are getting treatment for those things. Self-treatment with alcohol is easily self-sabotaging. (Enjoying alcohol in reasonable amounts despite depression is fine except for the liver disease.)\n\nIf your liver disease progresses at all, you would want to stop drinking entirely, because the reason for progressive cirrhosis is unclear and, if it does get to the point that transplant is on the table, having already demonstrated the ability to abstain from alcohol entirely will help. That's an unlikely worst case.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jt6sbk", "comment_id": "gc3sq2b"}, {"question": "what was the \u201chappy juice\u201d i was given before surgery?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Probably midazolam (Versed), which is indeed a sedative-hypnotic. It's commonly given just prior to procedures.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f883nt", "comment_id": "fijnhhs"}, {"question": "The feeling of people judging you is seriously annoying", "description": "Human is judgmental creature in nature, yet no one really likes to be judged, maybe except those sadist. Sometime I don't really mind, sometime I felt like killing that person for repeating the same offence multiple times, and then there's some random strangers on the internet posting shits to my inbox, THAT really makes me uneasy.\n\nCan't these f**kers mind their own business? Is it wrong to posts on my own Facebook wall? Is it wrong to say \"I like your contents\" on people or pages I follow? Is it wrong to click the <3 button?\n\nI've been feeling uneasy whole day now. Lack of sleep today also kinda make it worst.\n\nGeezuz crysis always these random f**king strangers on the internet come ruining people's day.\n\nTbh, although I'm Chinese myself, I often stay away from Chinese people on the Internet, except several gaming communities I'm familiar with. Dunno why, the toxic level isn't something I comfortable with. It's like their words are always covered in spikes, often very political and racial. Sometime when i see my friend commenting in Chinese on some random topics, I kinda scared looking at those words. It's a weird sense. I communicate with everyone with English on the Internet, except my sister that can't read English.\n\nYep, the guy spammed my inbox today is a Chinese. Seriously, I don't even know that guy.", "answer": "The world is both a loving and toxic place. Choose which one you want to spend most of your time (both physically and mentally). People will always judge you. That can't be helped. What you can do is separate yourself from those that are toxic that you don't care about. Block them on the internet. Don't spend time around them in person if you can help it. \n\nWork towards both surrounding yourself with more positive people while also learning to stop caring about people judging you that you don't care about. In other words, what does it matter if someone you have no respect for judges you harshly? It should only matter if someone you love and care about and/or respect judges you harshly in my opinion. Hope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com) ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80mskl", "comment_id": "duwtbee"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "There's no evidence that any vitamins are helpful unless you have a specific vitamin deficiency, and those are actually fairly rare. Vitamin D might be an exception, but the recommendations for what's normal or not and how much you should take are all over the place and not supported by much science. The other exception is relatively common anemia among women, but again, that's something that you want to get diagnosed before you just start taking iron.\n\nSo the recommendations are simple and straightforward. Eat a reasonably good diet. Get regular exercise. Get enough sleep. None of those are binary: you can eat a little bit better, exercise a little bit more, and get more sleep on more nights without having to be perfect.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ayer7d", "comment_id": "ei081mn"}, {"question": "mom, her boyfriend, bras & me 17f", "description": "**tl;dr** mom always wants me to wear a bra around her boyfriend? is this normal?\n\nmy mom always tells me to wear a bra when her boyfriend comes over as i usually don't wear one around the house. ive asked her why and she'll never give me a reason, is this normal? it's my house and i live here, he doesn't so why must i wear a bra for him? \n\n\nbackground~\n\nit doesn't make me angry but it does annoy me a lot, at the begining of their relationship, about 3 yrs ago, she asked me if i liked him (in a romantic way) and i said no obviously not.\n\nim not this dudes biggest fan anyway, he hasn't got good communication skills irl and calls my mom like 5 times a day on her cell and if she doesn't answer that he'll call the house phone until someone picks up.\n\nhe wanted to move in with us (me, 2 brothers and mom) but my mom doesn't want him to and neither do I or my brothers. id be seriously suicidal if he moved in.\n\neither way, i don't understand why i need to do it, any insighy would be helpful ;)", "answer": "That's the best reddit title I've seen. Like a movie title.\n\nDo what you want!Your Mom just doesn't want him to be relating to you as a sexual being, which going braless could trigger.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7816yw", "comment_id": "doqb5x1"}, {"question": "Depression + break-up with long time partner, it's eating me alive.", "description": "My now exgirlfiend whom I had been dating for 5 years recently broke up with me and made me move out of our house. Every time I think of her or see something that she gave me I go into a really dark place in my mind where I can't seem to get out of, she used to be the person that I would go to whenever I had an episode like this, but now I have no one that I feel I can rely on. I could go to friends but we share most of our friends and don't want to make the mistake of seeing her. What can I do?", "answer": "Talk to someone about how you're feeling. Schedule an intake with a therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3zdu26", "comment_id": "cyot1mp"}, {"question": "[28/m] Dating my gf [27/f] for over five years. I have a habit of flirting/making inappropriate comments to other girls and it has caused serious issues in our relationship.", "description": "I have been dating my current gf for over five years. We live together. There has been three or so times in our relationship when she has seen messages that I have sent to other girls that were deemed \"inappropriate\" or \"flirting.\" Not like sending naked pictures, but making sexual type jokes, for example. In the past I had promised to stop, but I suppose my nature is very \"open\" and I could be said to have little filter on things that I say, especially when (in my mind) I'm simply joking. \n\nI have never cheated on my gf, nor do I have any intentions on physical contact with another woman when making those inappropriate comments. However, I understand how this habit of mine has caused my gf to lose a lot of trust in me, and now we are on the verge of splitting up because of it.\n\nI do care for my gf very much, and I have taken what I believe to be steps to avoid this in the future - deleting phone numbers, deleting my Facebook account, etc. I want to be a better partner, one that she can trust. She has said that she won't make a decision on our future until I can answer her one question: \"Why?\"\n\nI have struggled greatly to answer this. I feel that I genuinely don't know why I say inappropriate things. I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor, but as that's not until the middle of next week, I have come here for any advice. If I have already screwed up enough to ruin the relationship, I understand, but regardless I want to know what might cause somebody to struggle to resist the urge to be \"inappropriate.\"", "answer": "who deemed what inappropriate?? please be specific. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql3a2", "comment_id": "dd05vu8"}, {"question": "Forced suffering. (Rant, advice?)", "description": "I'd like to say that the major depression and anxiety I have is all the chemicals in my head gone wrong. \n\nWhile that may be the case, nothing can hide the fact that even the thought of going to my dad's house sends me into a physically ill, depressed panic. And yet, I'm still here.\n\nWhen my parents initially got divorced, it wasn't so bad. Then my dad got married, and right around then I was starting to become more aware of what was going on. Growing up, and all that. That's when going to my dad's started to hold some serious negative connotations.\n\nHe never hit me. He never starved me. The only thing he did was nag and berate me about things I do wrong, how I need to get ALL A's, not just A's and B's. He would put me down about my weight. About how, at age 12, I should be interested in clothes and makeup like the other girls. \n\nIt's continued to escalate. When I got my license, he bought me a car in the hopes that I'd move in with him. That plan backfired. I didn't go to his house for nearly a year - only on major holidays that it was planned for me to go there.\n\nHe begged me to break up with my boyfriend last summer (we had been together for 2 years at this point) because he wasn't going to college and I was. He said I needed to go out and party, and not let an uneducated kid hold me back. (Still with said boyfriend, who is doing quite well working a full time job). I'm leaving in a week for my second year at college now.\n\nI just am not sure how to go about this. \n\nI don't want to be around anymore. I'm not sure how I was able to forgo spending time here that first year I had my car. All he's done is guilt trip me this summer about how I don't spend time here. I can't remember him doing it then. But I just want to make sure I get away from here. Far away. And only come back when absolutely necessary. \n\nHe's not exactly a TERRIBLE father... at least, compared to other terrible fathers. But to be fully honest... I almost would have rather he walked out. He's never been appreciative of hard work - only talent and legitimate success. Do, there is no try. He uses material items to gain control over people... but they stopped working on me a long time ago. He's just... he's not really a great guy like he comes off as. And its not just him that makes me not want to be here - his bitch wife is a huge problem too. She's horrible, judgmental, and still acts like she's the freaking senior prom queen (which she might have been...). The exact opposite of everything I am.\n\nI don't really know what the point of this post was. I just kinda needed to get it out. Maybe how to deal with guilt trips, I guess. How to make me appreciate my father more... or to push him farther away. I'm not totally sure what I want. I don't want to do anything I'll regret though. Which, at this point, I can't really tell which direction I'll regret more.\n\nTL;DR: Daddy issues. But not in the sexual sense.", "answer": "I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It sounds beyond awful. Also, your father pisses me off.\n\nDepression is part chemicals, and part environment. Environment affects people significantly - see the case of a girl called by the name Genie, for a very extreme example.\n\nAlso, do not ever doubt that emotional abuse and psychological manipulation are still abuse that is potentially just as bad and damaging as anything physical, depending on what it is. I'll be honest - your dad is a real piece of work. That behavior would start to harm anyone, frankly, even people not predisposed to mental illness.\n\nPeople commenting on weight, body type, and a lack/abundance of inappropriate masculinity or femininity create mental illness. This is documented scientifically, even. Shame on him for doing that. It makes me angry whenever anyone says someone's been doing this. That's legit how people start to get eating disorders and abuse themselves as they internalize the comments. \n\nI think that your desire to not be around anymore is a healthy one. It seems like you know what you want, and you know what will make you satisfied and content. As for regret...\n\nAs an old lady (I say this making fun of myself - I'm 35), you will always have regrets. That's life, you know? Even the best decisions can come with small ones. \n\nI can't decide what's right or wrong for you as I'm not you. I can say that there is no shame in living a life free of mental, physical, or spiritual abuse. There is no shame in realizing an abusive situation for what it is and wanting to distance yourself from it. \n\nSometimes we best appreciate people from a distance. It gives us perspective, as well as space for when things get too painful. You can't change your father. You can only control your reactions to him and the choices you make.\n\nWhatever you decide, good luck! If you ever need to talk, feel free to toss me a message.\n\n\n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ys01z", "comment_id": "c5ych17"}, {"question": "My therapist just refused to take me because I was 15 minutes late to a 1 hour appointment but still expects me to pay and I'm completely beside myself", "description": "I've been having an extremely hard time lately because not only am I dealing with my ADHD since always but my depression has gotten significantly worse for reasons I still don't understand. \n\nI eventually looked into therapy because my family was concerned and found a lady that seemed nice. The first appointment went okay and she did give me some weird vibes in that she was very quick to get frustrated with me if I got distracted or side tracked, but I was desperate for help so I didn't want to leave over it.\n\nSo, I started Wellbutrin a week ago and it's been kinda messing with my sleep. I couldn't sleep at all last night even with trazodone. I accidentally fell asleep before my appointment and woke up at the time I was supposed to leave, left immediately and got there exactly 15 minutes later. \n\nI rush upstairs then open her door and she's laying on the floor with a pillow and blanket. She popped up, got all embarrassed then said because I was 15 minutes late my appointment is over. I was extremely confused and asked why I couldn't just speak to her for 45 minutes and pay for the hour and she said that's just her policy. \n\nover and over, she just kept saying it was just her policy. I asked why 15 minutes? Why does she not expect her patients to make mistakes like this considering they're going through a lot? what makes her think this is even remotely reasonable or ethical when I'm literally standing there crying and begging her to let me speak to her? No matter what I said, she responded that it was just her policy. \n\nShe then specified that even though my appointment has been canceled she still expects me to pay... I was standing right there in her office with 45 minutes left before her next appointment and she looked me in the eyes and told me that my appointment can't be carried out and I must pay regardless.\n\nIronically, I forgot the money as she only takes cash for \"the safety of her clients\". So, I told her I would bring it later but I'm not interested in scheduling another appointment. She just nodded and I left. \n\nI'm completely beside myself. I keep crying because I feel so guilty for accidentally falling asleep and being late and also because I needed to talk to her so badly and she just refused over and over.\n\nShould I pay her even though she NEVER told me about this policy? Should I report her? I don't know know what to do. I feel so hopeless. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "Lateness is a part of boundary setting for a therapist but just like boundaries in real life, these boundaries can be flexible. The way that it was dealt with wasn't nice and I'm sorry you experienced that :(", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b7egj5", "comment_id": "ejrvr2z"}, {"question": "[f/26] I have symptoms of ptsd from past abusive relationship, and it's affecting new relationship with [m/22].", "description": "From about the age of 20 to 24, I was in an off and on abusive relationship. It had started with silent treatment, mostly emotional abuse, etc. Then it went to pretty bad verbal abuse, he called me about every name in the book, specifically cunt, bitch, ungrateful, \"rat\", etc.\n\nThen after a little over a year, the physical abuse started. There were times that he had choked me, backhanded me, left me stranded far from home, kicked me, strangled my wrists and pinned me against a wall while yelling at me. At the time, I didn't believe that it was all his fault and I believed that because of whatever I had done or said, in a sense I deserved it. I always took him back after these incidents, until just one day I had enough. He still hoovered back into my life a lot especially because we went to the same school. He was pretty good at getting back into my life, because one I was afraid to be without him in life and two, I did love him at a time. He was my first real love and relationship, so it was all I knew. Although, I did have one boyfriend before him we had only dated 10 months and just something about that ex didn't pull me in as much as the toxic ex did. \n\nI completely broke things off around May of 2015 and him and I weren't together for over a year. I even dated other people, and most guys thought I had been single for a long period of time (because I hid the fact that I was still seeing my ex). \n\nFast forward to now, and in the time him and I weren't together, we had remained in contact because he actually ended up being in one of my classes. At the time I was dating another guy, that ended up not working out. This past summer, my ex and I went to a concert together and inevitably he wedged back into my life and we ended up sleeping together. He convinced me he changed and that we could work things out.\n\nNever in my life did I think I'd get back with him, but it happened for about 2-3 months. I ended up ending it again because he tried to force sex on me after a fight we had(over me being \"ungrateful\" about something), so I knew the abuse was coming back full force and I had to get out. I've had no contact with him since mid October of last year. \n\nSince then, I started dating my roommate. I've lived with him for almost 2 years now so him and I have had a little bit of a history too as he has wanted to be with me and we did hook up on occasion. I never wanted to pursue it though because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, as he is my best friend. \n\nI love him very much and never in a million years would he even be capable of treating me the way my ex did. I feel like now that my ex is out of my life, I'm actually dealing with the issues head on and I haven't been coping well. I've had many altercations(especially with men, where if I feel threatened I completely black out basically and lose control of my anger. I've spit on a guy over my friends car being towed, I've cussed out a guy at the gym for threatening to kick my ass because he was harassing a girl and I was standing up for her.) And because of my issues, it is also affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. There are times where I just go numb and don't want to talk about anything upsetting me. I push him away. I've gotten angry toward him when I know he doesn't deserve it. I'm irritable almost every day. When I'm angry at my boyfriend, I try my best not to cuss at him or say mean words, but especially if I've been drinking it's gotten really bad. I used to not be this way, especially when drunk. I was always just fun and always had a good time. That's how I used to be with my current boyfriend, but since we've lived together and been together, I just keep getting worse. When I get angry my adrenaline rushes and it's very hard to control.\n\nIf anyone has gone through domestic violence or ptsd, can you please give me some advice or coping tactics? I tried going to therapy at school, but they suggested I need long term therapy and turned me away. And because I just turned 26, my health insurance is ending March 1st. I feel completely hopeless and like I'll never be normal again. ", "answer": "usually there are mental health clinics, social service agencies, and hospitals that offer sliding fee scales. let me know if you need help with the search.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vl3vb", "comment_id": "de2wksn"}, {"question": "Can an enabler be an addict?", "description": "One of the books I read, Finding a Purpose in the Pain by James Fenley lists 8 traits of an enabler and addict. \n\nEnabler: Needs to take care of someone, Controlling, independent, Self-critical, Responsible for others' happiness, Hard time asking for help, Talks a lot, hard worker, Hard time saying no, Can't express feelings.\n\nAddict: Needs to be taken care of, Dependent, Blames others, Needs problems, Selfish, Isolated, Self-centered, Nontrusting.\n\nI can see aspects of both in myself. Without getting to in depth into my own situation, what are other people's thoughts on this?", "answer": "In a sense, I'd say a traditional enabler would be addicted to the addict; or maybe addicted to the relationship.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "199eya", "comment_id": "c8memgy"}, {"question": "The atheist/agnostic higher power thread. What's yours?", "description": "Share time! The only rule is: Keep your post to **two sentences.**\n\nMy higher power is unconditional love, for others and for myself. Nothing you do or I do adds to that love *or takes away from it.*\n\n\n", "answer": "I don't have a name or definition for my higher power. For me, there is something out there that is greater than myself, but it is simply beyond my comprehension. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tbzm2", "comment_id": "ce6f0pn"}, {"question": "Weird story therapist and conflicted", "description": " \n\nSo, I\u2019ve been looking for a private therapist. I'm at a very low point in my life and feel like I really need the support as I don\u2019t have anyone in my life to turn to. I went and tried one session with a particular therapist recently, and I\u2019m not sure how to feel about the whole experience. Most of it seemed ok at the time, but the more I think about it, the more I\u2019m put off from returning, especially given the cost. He told at least one weird anecdotal story, which I found a little off topic, but I accepted it and didn\u2019t think much about it at the time. I felt ok after the session initially, but then again, I didn\u2019t feel that bad before the session. I didn\u2019t cry during the session which was a surprise to me since I\u2019ve been feeling awful with some bad life events over the last year and longer, but we didn\u2019t touch those events, everything we talked about was about my childhood (I'm in my 30's).\n\nThen he sent me some resources after the session, some of which included even weirder mythical stories, some \u2018human givens institute\u2019 stuff and some solution-focused therapy stuff. Initially after the session I didn\u2019t think much about it, but now I feel really conflicted. I don\u2019t feel comfortable with these resources, particularly the \u2018human givens\u2019 stuff and the stories. The stories don\u2019t seem appropriate, and frankly, they seem plain weird to me. I can\u2019t find much about \u2018human givens\u2019 online: some claim it is pseudo nonsense, other\u2019s view it as just another technique to be used. Whatever the effect \u2018human givens\u2019 has, I\u2019m really put off by it. The whole experience just seemed a bit impersonal and patronising in hindsight, even cultish, and though he was clearly putting in a lot of effort, I simply don\u2019t trust this stuff and maybe even him. \n\nIs the anecdotal storytelling stuff normal for therapy? Does the \u2018human givens\u2019 stuff have any credibility? What should I even expect from therapy? I know I should have therapy goals, but in all honestly, the only goal I can think of at the moment is \u2018to stop feeling like crap all the time\u2019. All of the therapy I\u2019ve tried so far seems really patronising, especially this latest session.\n\nSorry for any vagueness. Any help, advice and/or clarity would be great.", "answer": "One thing to be certain is that you should never really expect to get a whole lot or feel \"fixed\" after one therapy session. Therapist is process that can take time. First sessions are generally focused on allowing the clinician to get to know you a little bit and allowing you to get to know them. \n\n\nEvery therapist works differently, some share anecdotes and personal experiences in order to help teach something or let you get to know them and others won't talk about themselves at all. \n\n\nI generally tell folks to give it three sessions working with a therapist. If you feel like there's a connection and they may be able to help you, great, if not, move on and immediately look for a new therapist. If cost a big concern, you may want to just move on now, but also make sure that you realize for even the briefest of therapies to be effective, it's likely you're going to need to go to weekly sessions for a good while for it to be effective. Make sure you're able to budget for this as you don't want to blow a bunch of money on 2 or 3 sessions and have to drop out due to finances. Then you'll be out that money and likely won't see any substantial results. \n\n\nBeing in the U.S. I don't know much about this Human Givens approach as it seems pretty UK centric, new, and not very well established. The little bit of internet diving I did, it doesn't seem like it's an evidenced based practice or that there's much research on it. I'd be somewhat wary of practitioners pushing something like this. \n\n\nHere's the thing. Every therapist has a framework that they prefer to work from, but many therapists are eclectic and can use various different modalities in their treatment. If what your therapist is doing isn't working for you, tell them. Let them know what aspects of their working with you helps you and which doesn't. Many will be able and willing to adjust. For those that can't or won't, then it's time to seek a different therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bavwva", "comment_id": "ekep9gt"}, {"question": "I'm the new Treasurer of the group I'm in, and I need assistance. A situation's come up and I need to research how other groups handle/secure their money.", "description": "Okay, so our group has had sort of a \"den mother\" who has been the one keeping this group alive for many years (she'll be getting her 24 year chip in a month or two). This group was 'her' group and she took care of everything, but her age is catching up with her and the group has enough regular attendees that she feels comfortable handing over some of the responsibilities so she can take care of herself.\n\nI was asked if I would be the Treasurer, I accepted, but to stay true to the traditions I requested a formal group conscience where other volunteers could step forward and it could be voted on. No one else stepped forward so I was voted in. We'd all known for a long time that she'd been mixing group funds in her own personal account all those years but we were okay with that. Our group is moderate (~15 regular members), we understood that becoming incorporated wasn't worth the extra costs or work, and mixing funds meant not having to worry about keeping a minimum balance. (And there were low-membership years where she was footing the bill for everything anyway.)\n\nAs the new treasurer I looked into the options of incorporating or having separate bank accounts to see if anything had changed since she last looked into it, then held a group conscience to see how the group wanted to handle it. I found that I could open a second, separate account at my bank that would not be tied to my current account, but it required a $200 minimum deposit. I could also add a cosigner which would give the group access to the funds if anything happened to me. The group chose that over incorporating. Someone volunteered to be the cosigner and the group agreed.\n\nWe've not yet completed the paperwork but now I'm second guessing. The person who volunteered has mentioned in previous meetings that they have a history of being a chaos addict and manipulator, and this past week we engaged in some emails back and forth that in retrospect lead me to think their chaos addict days are not as far behind them as they may think. (EDIT: To specify, they weren't just talking about 3rd person stuff. Chaos was created that directly affected me.) I've talked it over with my sponsor and before taking any actions it was decided that I should do some research ... talk to people in other groups to learn how other groups are handling/securing their funds.\n\nAs I understand it there are four options:\n\n* Single person on the account\n\n* Two people on the account\n\n* Association on the account, which enables more than 2 cosigners\n\n* Incorporate\n\n... Do you know which method your group uses? Have you experienced any similar issues of concern about access to the account? How have your groups handled it?\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "The way we did it at my group is the cosigner with the treasurer and then another service member, typically the secretary or GSR and after those terms ended the account would be signed over to the next secretary and another member.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20r2fh", "comment_id": "cg6p1kb"}, {"question": "Can sitting when you have piles block bloodflow to heart?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "No.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ks4zp", "comment_id": "dbq7e7p"}, {"question": "What is the best cure for Anxiety/ depression?", "description": "Simple as the title really. I just want to be able to believe in myself and stop being so ashamed of who I am and what I am doing with my life. I feel motivated to achieve and achieve but I never feel like it is enough especially in some areas of my life especially socially. ", "answer": "Ultimately, the best treatment depends on the underlying cause and its severity. There's no test to tell us which will be effective for individuals, but most medical treatments are proven to be better than placebo. Talking therapies have variable evidence, but are typically more useful in mild/moderate severity illness. For the most severe cases, ECT is immensely effective.\n\nPurely on gut feeling, I think you'd do best with self-help measures, which I guess is a good thing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4x94t7", "comment_id": "d6dnopc"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [28m] of 4 1/2is still very selfish and not ready to fully commit to me [26f] when should things end?", "description": "As the title states, me and my boyfriend of 4 years are not moving forward at all. We hang out once a week mostly to run his errands.\n\n\nHe's very sweet, and kind but it feels like there's nothing between us. Everything we do, it's something of his choice. When he asks me if I would like to do anything, he will ask me over and over again until I change my answer to what he wants. I feel like I'm always compromising in his favor.\n\nWe have been together for four years and everything feels as when we were first dating. I call myself his weekend girlfriend because we only get together on Saturdays and usually to do his shopping at the mall. We only take his car. We only stop where he needs to go. And he chooses where we eat.\n\nhe orders the same two appetizers every time we go out, even though I dislike them and he never finishes anything he orders. I feel bad for trying to order my own appetizer because our bill ends up being unreasonably high. He never compromises and gets what we both want and it just seems really stupid to order three appetizers and two dinners when we couldn't possibly eat that much food.\n\nOur whole relationship functions that way. I'm always compromising for what he wants. Today I told him I wanted to have a fun day. I wanted to go skating. I know he doesn't like going out of his way out do things, so I suggested skating around in the giant water puddle in his yard that froze over last night.\n\nThrough text and calls he asked me what I wanted to do and where over and over again. I said I wanted to go out for lunch and go skating. Three times I stated this via text and he called me. All within an hour. I had a gift card for the Texas road house and suggested there 3 Times. He suggested another place that he knows I don't like. He said \"I know you don't like xXxX place, but why don't we go there?\" \n\nI told him I would compromise and go there with him... after we had our lunch, we were headed in the opposite direction of his house. I asked where we were going and he said he was taking me home!?!?! He decided he didn't want to ice skate.... I compromised to the point where I was willing to just skate around his yard and he wouldn't even give me that?!?!\n\nI started crying in the car because I keep telling him I feel like all I ever do is blindly follow what he wants all the time and that I get nothing in return. I feel like I'm just set to autofollow in his life, shadowing behind him with no real purpose while he does what he wants.\n\nMy whole relationship with him are just instances like this. He lives with his parents and doesn't really seem to want to move out. He puts being with his family over being with me or even compromising to try to split his time. Being on time for dinner with his parents is more important than going out with me or compromising a night with me. I always join him and his family for holidays and birthdays and such, but he won't come to dinner with mine.\n\n\nHe tells me that he loves me and he's affectionate towards me. But at what point will I become an important part of his family? At what point will he be less selfish, and learn to make me a priority at least sometimes? \n\nMaybe 4 1/2 years isn't too long.. but hes 28 years old... he's going to be 29 in a few months and I feel like... at some point aren't men supposed to want a wife and a family? I asked where he sees us in 5 years and he tells me he wants a house and a family with me... but he can't even make a stop for coffee for me when we drive past 3 dunkin donuts!\n\nWhenever we talk about my feelings, he tries to come up with a quick fix. Today he said we can go skating at a real rink next week. I just wanted to enjoy being with him instead of following behind him doing what he wants... and I always choose activities I know he enjoys too. He enjoyed skating last time we went years ago.\n\nI've never chosen what film we see, or where we should eat.I planned a weekend vacation once and he made me make an itinerary so I could feel like I could have a say.. and then we just did what he wanted... we didn't do any of the things I wrote in the itinerary even though I let him look it over and he approved of it....\n\nI just don't know how long I'm supposed to wait for him to be my partner. I don't feel secure. I don't feel important. I do feel he loves me, but it feels like a high school relationship. We don't spend the night together, we rarely have sex. All we do is go out on Saturdays sometimes and eat. He doesn't want to break up or date other people... Whenever I said I'm unhappy, he tells me to relax and that everything is fine...\n\n\nTl:dr how long are you supposed to wait for someone to get their shot together?\n\n\n", "answer": "my rule of thumb is that if someone doesn't know they want you after a year, they never will", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kga6t", "comment_id": "dbnphe7"}, {"question": "Am I overreacting to something that happened to me as a child?", "description": "So I have never told anyone this because at the time he did this to me and my step sister and it seemed normal enough I guess. This went on from about ages 5-8. He used to always sit with or lay with me and have his hand down my pants, under the panties, just sitting there on my butt maybe squeezing a little bit or moving like being rubbed on the back. Sometimes down the front of my pants but just resting there. Not anything overtly sexual like that. I have been just realizing how fucking weird this is as I've become an aunt and would just never do that to my nibbling because WHY. Why would an adult sit with their hand down a childs pants for hours at a time like whole lengths of movies. That realization of why would a parent ever do that and also finding out that my mum divorced him after finding out his horrible past with women (She did not tell me details of this as I think she didnt want to talk about it with me but it seemed that they were sexual abuses he did overseas.) I all the sudden am thinking that I was molested as a child but am much too afraid to tell anyone, even my therapist, out of fear I am being dramatic and should just stay shut up about it. \nMy question is am I overreacting? ", "answer": "you were molested. please talk to your therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68l062", "comment_id": "dgzf2pl"}, {"question": "(20/m) My girlfriend (20/f) can't seem to be honest and open.", "description": "Brief backstory, we're both at uni, met through a mutual friend. Been together since November, actually began dating in February. We're very similar, which means we can both read each other very well to see when something is up, bothering up, hiding something, etc.\n\nRecently, she went home for the weekend. While there she went out one night with a couple girlfriends and some guys. Now most of the time when she's home or goes out, she stops responding to messages as often, understandable because well busy. But this night, one of the guys she was with was a guy that I knew had frequently asked her to \"come cuddle\" \"come get weird\" and other things, but she always ignored them and said he's just a weird friend. Well this night, I woke up from nightmare and decided to call her (it was well into the morning, about 4am so I figured she'd be home and not a big deal). She ignores the call and immediately texts me \"hey what's up? I'm busy and can't talk right now.\" I told her not to worry and said we'll talk later. I thought it was odd but tried not to think much of it. \nNext day, she texts me around noon \"hey sorry I passed out at my gf's house and my parents are just pissed I didn't come home\". Later the next day when we're talking in person the story changes to \"I took my gf home and then tried to get home but lost my key so I went to my other gf's house who was nearby.\" \nWith how weird that felt, and some other stuff that happened in the past, I got on her phone (immature I know), and found messages to that one guy, and some other friends saying how she slept at his place, she kept stealing his blanket all night, etc etc. Next morning I brought it up to her and she gets angry, not that I went through her phone to find it, but that I was making us talk about it. After briefly talking about it, where she tried to lie to me about it (saying \"no I went to my gf's house\" before I told her I went through her phone) and then just kept saying \"I didn't think it was a big deal, but I knew it wouldn't make you happy so I just didn't want to tell you. The real kicker came later when she said she lied about it to me \"because I had given my parents that lie so many times I just believed it was the truth.\" After that, she got mad and we went to class.\n\nLater that day she texted me and began trying to blame me for getting upset, for not trusting her, for bringing it up, for other misc issues we'd had in the past. This continued for a week until the weekend when we talked. tl:dr from that talk ended with us agreeing to work on things and to try and communicate better, but, as she put it, \"You can't have any access to my phone or computer.\" Now, normally in past relationships I've both never cared to go through someones things like that, and never thought I had a need to. With her I feel like there will be things, like that night, that I will never know about unless I find out by doing something like that (she did agree with me saying that as she said there were somethings that I just didn't need to know.) She did agree, though, that if someone said something to her or someone did something she would tell me. Issue is, I already saw a message come up on her lockscreen from an ex saying \"hey snap me back ;)\"\n\nAt this point I'm trying to allow myself to trust her completely again, but its difficult. Not to mention she went out with friends last night and said it was just the girls, when there are pictures with a guy's arm around her but the guy cropped out (hairy arm with a watch, sorry but not likely a small girl). \n\nWhat do y'all think? In general, am I overreacting and should trust her more? Or is there more to this.\n\ntl;dr girlfriend lied, caught in lie, lied again, got angry that I feel I can't trust her as much as she wants even though she intentionally hides things about other guys from me.", "answer": "Your fears seem very well founded. Sorry duder. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "683lod", "comment_id": "dgvdw5i"}, {"question": "Lost a little faith in humanity today", "description": "I was reading an article on Facebook about how 20 people died of electrocution during a festival in Haiti. \n\nSo one guy comments the US needs to stop supporting those people how dare they have a party with our money?\n\nSo then a guy comments on this guys comment about how we have 20 less to support now so thats a good thing \n\nHe got 20 something likes for that comment. \n\n", "answer": "Never read the comments. The comments are never good for faith in humanity! Try some /r/upliftingnews ?", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2wbr3d", "comment_id": "copcrcm"}, {"question": "Had to cancel my birthday party", "description": "my 21st birthday is coming up and since it is so close to Halloween I had the idea to have a Halloween themed pregame/party with friends at my apartment on campus. I was anxious about even creating an event on Facebook and putting myself out there, but even more anxious when another friend received my invite then decided to make her party the same day and same theme, then invited the same friends who said no to mine and yes to hers. So that stung a lot. Then friends from other groups started dropping out....one even claimed she wasn\u2019t coming because \u201cmy party threw a wrench in her plans to go to happy hour\u201d. I had a panic attack, I cancelled the party and Facebook event. My friends are completely unsympathetic. I don\u2019t want to act like a brat, but I have always put so much effort into parties for friends. Just last week I hosted a friends party at my apartment and spent about $100 on decor and food and alcohol. However, when it comes time for my birthday my friends do nothing....last year they didn\u2019t even wake me up for dinner at our sorority house so I didn\u2019t get a birthday meal. I just feel like I put so much effort in for them, but then when I even plan my whole entire party for them they don\u2019t even bother showing up. I have major depression and borderline personality disorder so any small slight or rejection feels like a huge slap in the face. I don\u2019t know what to do. I am sorry for the length of this I just needed to rant and I am so suicidal. If I confront them about this I\u2019m terrified they will call me a brat or be angry with me. Once again sorry for the rant I am so upset", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry! Your friends sound awful. I really hope you have a happy birthday!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dkpxpr", "comment_id": "f4im5e6"}, {"question": "Concerta - 11 months on", "description": "It's been 11 months since I last took a 56mg tablet. Something has been bothering me recently, as I was studying.\n\nI know about the withdrawal symptoms, but this one is starting to get on my nerves. Whilst I was on the tablet, I would wake up drowsy, until I took the tablet.\n\nHere, 11 months on, I still get drowsy, albeit, 30 miinutes to an hour after a good nights sleep. Even a very strong (Instant) coffee doesn't keep me awake. I typically sleep 8 to 9 hours a day. \n\nI need advice, as this is affecting my studying. I cannot study when I'm tired, as I cannot concentrate.\n\nI do have ADHD and ASD. Any advice I would greatly appreciate.", "answer": "It actually sounds like what you're experiencing is fairly normal. Most people don't jump right out of bed in the morning feeling like they can immediately start studying or doing any kind of complex mental work. Your brain and body need a little bit of time. \n\n\nIf you are hurting for time, plan to wake up an hour or so earlier than you normally do. 7 hours of sleep per night is plenty healthy for an adult, especially if your sleep is fairly uninterrupted. \n\n\nADHD meds do give you some withdrawal symptoms, especially if you take them daily without giving yourself a few days off here and there. I take Adderall and I absolutely have to take 2 or more days off each week to make sure I don't build a tolerance. I get mild withdrawal, but I'm only taking 10mg daily. If I had to up it, I'm sure the withdrawals would be worse. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wkmme", "comment_id": "e1w9e5m"}, {"question": "I (f/23)love my new boyfriend (m/25) (dating 6 months) but still think about my first love (m/25) everyday and wonder if we'll ever be together again.", "description": "I've been dating a great guy for about 6 months. He is really sweet and fun and it's been the healthiest relationship I've had so far. Im pretty picky about guys I date and have trouble opening up because of past traumas but so far its been easy to do this with him. He has bad qualities but who doesn't. Point is the relationship is going smoothly so far, besides the occasional fights.\n\nMy first love and I were together on and off for six years. I always thought I would marry him and he thought this too. A couple months before I met my current boyfriend, my ex said he had to cut off contact to work on himself and we officially broke up then. During our 6 years together we went through a lot and I admit I was immature and treated him like shit a lot. He never broke up with me until 8 months ago and this showed he matured a lot. The problem is I still think about him EVERYDAY. I fantasize about going to visit him. Before I met my current bf I still cried everyday over my ex thinking he'd always be the one that got away. Im so sad still and I don't know what to do. \n\nI want to be with my current boyfriend but is this unhealthy or unnatural for me to still be missing my ex this much? Am i just romanticizing something that never was working anyway?\n\nThanks for reading. ", "answer": "i would find a therapist and fully process the past. otherwise, this or any other future bf will be problematic.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ofomc", "comment_id": "dcizwha"}, {"question": "Should I confront someone about them possibly having depersonalization disorder?", "description": "I have been seeing someone for the past 2 months. Everything has been good, except for one thing that keeps nagging me. This person has told me about their past childhood abuse and trauma. On a few instances, when they have discussed this trauma and past suicidal ideation, they seem to speak like a different person. The wording and spacing changes to something like out of a movie, almost \"cheesy.\" I hate saying that as it sounds like I'm invalidating what they are saying, but when they speak it sounds ingenuine or what they think \"sounds good.\" To me, it seems like they aren't grounded in reality. This person has also stated that they do not feel emotions, although I am not sure what that means. They described a feeling of not being able to believe they were real or existed, based on the idea of consciousness and chemistry (it's hard to explain what they meant). The also have referred to themselves with a different name (i.e. \"The King\", not actually it, but gives you an idea) in the third person, but I realize this may also be a joke. Does this sound like a disorder at all, or am I just overthinking it?\n\nI have a psych. minor, but I am not a licensed counselor. I am conflicted as I feel this creates an ethical issue as 1) I am absolutely not qualified to make a diagnosis and 2) I do not want to cause potential harm or distress to this person or make them question themself. Any advice on approaching this topic with them or not is appreciated.", "answer": "I don't think confrontation will be helpful here.\n\nObviously, i have no knowledge of the situation and have not observed your friend. I only have this very limited info, which doesn't really describe this person 's overall functioning. Your friend could have several more symptoms not described.\n\n What you described, though, sounds more like shallow affect than depersonalization. If this person has little experience discussing painful topics, they may resort to the detached, \"cheesy\" movie style speech you described. You didn't mention if this person is a man or was raised as a boy , but many men and boys are socialized to not acknowledge emotions besides anger and love, and discussing emotions can come off as foreign and scripted. It can be really hard for people to identody emotions when they have no experience labeling them.\n\n Additionally, depersonalization is pretty connected to having no sense of self , so the grandiose nickname doesn't quite fit. \n\nIn general, your brief description doesn't fit depersonalization or derealization, which looks more like a depressive trance and not talking about trauma. It would be unusual for a dissociated person to come up with an elaborate explanation of why they aren't real (chemistry and consciousness), instead of just kind of existing..\n\nOk, so what if your friend DOES depersonalization-derealization disorder? I still don't think it would be helpful to tell them , even if you were qualified to diagnose. It is typically much more useful to focus on symptoms and distress rather than a diagnosis. \n\nGentle encouragement to see someone qualified to process traumatic experiences may be helpful. \n\nOf course, if your friend 's behavior bothers you , you may want to step back from the relationship. Again, focusing on specific behaviors or issues.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjuowi", "comment_id": "fwotufs"}, {"question": "How have you overcome trust issues?", "description": "I am in need of some help. I (25f) have an amazing boyfriend (25m) who I've been with for 3 years. We've lived together for about 1.5 years and it goes very well. Honestly I feel I lucked out, I'm very satisfied in our relationship. Many healthy changes have happened in my life since meeting him, and though we're very different we make a great team. \n\nI have what some may call daddy issues. Abandonment issues. To summarize my father moved away when I was 5, and has slowly faded out of my life as I have aged. My mother became terminally I'll when I was 15, and after 5 years of ups and downs passed away. \n\nMy sister and I had a turbulent relationship during this time, trying to balence our responsibilities and social lives. Often she could be manipulative, turning my actions on me. I'm sure I was no saint either but trusting her now is hard, as I worry if I show any weakness it will be used against me in times of stress again. My extended family operates in a similar way, I don't want them to know any troubles I have for fear it will be used against me. \n\nMy partner and I want to buy a house in the coming year. I'm terrified to put my savings on the line in case he splits. I have no idea what he could possibly do to prove he's on my team, it's a problem inside me, I feel. I do go to therapy but my couselor recently left and I've just started with a new one last week. What can I do?", "answer": "\neverything in life has some risk, because the future's unknowable. if you feel this rel. is as solid as solid can be, you either move forward, or live your life alone. \n\"between grief and nothing, i will take grief\" 'faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qoa1u", "comment_id": "dd0tq7l"}, {"question": "Little sister [19f] was raped. My [28f] family handled it in a way I'm uncool with and I need advice on how I should proceed without making it worse for her.", "description": "I just moved home after living across the country for better than a decade (moved away at 17 because of a shitty home life, ironically enough). Both my sisters are home from studying at their respective universities. My littlest one has been more reserved than she usually is, and after inquiring about this to my mom, my mom revealed that she'd been raped 3 months ago by some kid at school.\n\nIt sounds like my sister was unaware for the most part of the circumstances because she passed out at a party (she does drink, but I've never seen her blackout drunk before so I don't know if drugs were involved) and didn't remember anything the next morning. A friend who was there mentioned to her six weeks later (SIX WEEKS LATER, who the hell is this \"friend?\") that she was raped while she was passed out by someone my sister knew. My mom either doesn't know or won't tell me anything beyond that - not if there were more details, not who the fucker was, nothing.\n\nWhen I found out, I was so angry I was shaking. I could have thrown up, exploded at my mom, or killed this fucker all equally easily. I asked my mom what was done. Her response was that it was my sister's choice to go to the police, go to the doctor, or take any action . . . and when I asked again who this person was, she either couldn't or wouldn't tell me.\n\nWhat I'm fairly sure of is that no rape kit was performed, due to the time between her finding out and the event itself (I don't know if this is true or she was ashamed and frightened and didn't want to think about it). She was on birth control so pregnancy is unlikely, which is small comfort. She's also seen a doctor a few times, so I hope she's being tested for STDs (my fear is HIV or hepatitis, both take a while to show up). She won't respond to questions about it according to my mom and adamantly states she isn't ready to talk about it and doesn't want it brought up.\n\nI have never been in a situation where a loved one has been violated this way; it transcends any pain I could feel for myself. I'm still shaking and holding back tears; every time I've seen my sister this morning I've had to hug her hard and resist grabbing her shoulders and demanding to know where this little fucker is so I can go kick the living breathing Christ out of him. The anger and heartbreak I feel is outlandishly huge.\n\nI was sexually assaulted by my former (very verbally abusive, addict) stepfather when I was in my early to mid teens and due to the nature of my mom's partiality towards her husband always being in the right and us kids in the wrong, and the knowledge that she wouldn't believe me, I kept it to myself and ended up going through many major issues later in life, including suicidal tendencies, hyper- and hyposexuality and serious depression. When my mom finally found out this past year (I got drunk and told her via email), she absolutely didn't respond to it at all. She didn't respond for a while, then changed the subject and never addressed it. I was and am baffled and reverted back to absolutely not bringing it up and feeling completely ashamed of it (and since I've been here she hasn't even hinted at it). It's like she deliberately forgot. I found out she asked my ex, the only other person who knew, if I was lying much later, and he verified that not only was I telling the truth, but he'd witnessed some verbal and physical abuse himself. There was never any question about \"what happened,\" or \"are you okay,\" or even \"were you hurt\" . . . weirdest of all, absolutely NO anger or accountability directed towards my ex stepdad at all, and I'm willing to bet that she'll never bring it up to him and he'll have gotten away with it. It is a truly shitty feeling, and I'm terrified that the way things went down in reality with my sister was more along the lines of what I experienced the past 13 or 14 years culminating with the last few months and the knowledge that she absolutely didn't care and held no animosity towards the perpetrator - indeed, even thought I was lying, just as I feared as a teenager. I cannot, I CANNOT live with the idea that my sister, who is the gentlest, sweetest and funniest lighthearted girl ever, is going to go through the same bullshit I did because a major trauma wasn't handled properly and was compounded by my mom.\n\nI feel that I should give some background on my mom so that my concern over this situation will make a little more sense. I love her very much and she has many good qualities, and she loves us all fiercely in her own way, but she has some problems that have persisted throughout our childhood. Namely, her first concern has always been herself, followed closely by the men in her life. Being attractive, being in a relationship and being a hypersexualized female that attracts male attention has always been primary for her, and it rubbed off on all three of us, mostly my youngest sister and I. Both of us have a tendency to dress a certain way, take great pains to maintain our attractiveness and our male suitors (often at the expense of others we care for) and thrive on physically based compliments, which I know now as I get older is directly related to my mom and unhealthy to focus on over everything else. Furthermore, she divorced my dad when I was 9, my other sister was 4 and my youngest was scarcely born; she moved us across the country, effectively ending our relationship with him, and none of us, especially my youngest sister, have ever been able to manage a decent relationship with our dad because of the distance and the simple fact that we never had a chance to really know him after we moved. Before the divorce was finalized, my mom had started seeing a much younger guy (he was 21 at the time) and made all three of us promise not to tell our dad. The guy became our stepdad after a very traumatic dating period during which we were seeing our mom being physically affectionate with a man who wasn't our dad for the first time, without a word of explanation and with the constant reassurance by her that they were still married and we'd be going back home soon. She would leave for days on trips with him, went to other states and left us with relatives, became totally engrossed in shunting us to the side so she could spend time with this guy. He expressed intense dislike for us all quickly, refused to tell us he loved us at all during their 14 year marriage unless forced, and told my mom he \"wanted kids\" so she got pregnant with my two beloved twin brothers (we girls have been hopelessly in love with them from the first, they're the only good thing to come from that situation and I wouldn't give them up for anything). Our stepdad was outwardly verbally abusive from the first, often in front of my mom who ignored it, chided him gently as if it were a joke, and sharply reprimanded us if we bucked up and told him to leave us alone. My youngest sister was always his least favorite (he was the only father she'd ever known, making it that much worse). Those were the worst years of my life, compounded by the sexual stuff and what eventually devolved into physical abuse when my mom wasn't around, made 100% worse by my mom, our only parent, very openly siding with him and blaming us for whatever abuse he was delivering. Promptly when I was 17, immediately after graduating high school, I packed what I could and moved as far away as I could get in the continental USA. By the time I came back to visit, years later, it had come out that my stepdad was addicted to cocaine and pills, had set up a porn shrine in our garage which featured my middle sister's underwear (she was between 10 and 12 when this happened, and no, no charges were ever brought by my mom - in fact she didn't tell anyone and I found out by mistake, and I have never been able to bring myself to ask either of my sisters if more sexual abuse happened after I left because I would feel totally responsible for not having been there to protect them). They divorced and that was that. That's how our childhood was; we effectively were brought up without male influence and it hasn't helped.\n\nThe cherry on the pie this morning was when I angrily told my mom that there were bound to be other girls who are raped by the same guy that hurt my sister; her response was essentially it wasn't her problem. She mentioned that my sister shouldn't have gotten drunk and it was her own fault for the event, and this is where I lost my remaining shit because in my opinion, rape.... is NEVER, EVER... EVER... the victim's fault AT ALL. But my mom feels differently - her words, to paraphrase, were, \"well, if you're getting blackout drunk what do you expect to happen?\"\n\nI understand that blackout drunk is a bad situation for most people; however, there is a very large possibility that my sister was drugged, which would explain the blackout and the memory loss. But regardless, I don't think that a young woman who is essentially still a child should be trying to censor her own behaviors in order to not . . . what? Attract a rapist? Be partially responsible for one? This was 100% ABSOLUTELY the rapist's fault, and 0% my sister's, and this is the same mindset that comes when you hear people saying that a woman having revealing clothes invite a rape or assault and that it's partially your fault. Victim blaming, in other words. Even retyping this makes me furious. It drags up my own history and reminds me that my mom would probably have blamed me for inciting her husband's sexual advances, regardless of my age - would have probably reacted with jealousy and resentment instead of seeing what happened for what it was - a crime against my humanity and my body. What happened to my sister was a crime, a heinous crime, and nothing has been done, except for my mother decreeing - probably to my sister too - that some part of what happened to her was by her own hand. This infuriates me because I'm not even supposed to know about this, and I feel that bringing it up to her is a further violation of her privacy which she needs little at this point.\n\nHow do I proceed? Do I let her deal with it and allow her to come to me? How can I exact some justice on this fuckhead that did this for my sister?\n\nTL;DR: Sister was raped at college months ago, nothing was done by either my sister or my mom who knew, and there is victim blaming involved which I don't know how to help with without revealing that I know what happened. No idea how to proceed but feel absolutely helpless sitting around with my thumb up my ass pretending I don't want to kill the fucker that did this.", "answer": "get her professional help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kjz5g", "comment_id": "dbojbrg"}, {"question": "Do you think improv classes could improve social skills.", "description": "This morning I was thinking whether or not improv classes could improve social skills as it can take you out of your comfort zone and make you more open and social. I have never done improv before so I am not able to judge how beneficial it is but maybe some of you who have taken improv could comment on its effect. Thank you. ", "answer": "Yes, improv is a great class for improving social skills. It's one of the [three hobbies](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/hobbies-that-teach-social-skills) I recommend for people to learn social skills :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1c0dnk", "comment_id": "c9c2fyv"}, {"question": "Has anyone been in a psychiatric hospital?", "description": "What's it like? What are some stories? Either voluntarily or non-voluntarily. I was thinking of voluntarily checking myself in because I've been way too depressed because I'm not going to school and meeting kids and having friends like a normal person would have. I'm painfully shy and it's so hard for me to make friends that it makes me have soul crushing depression. I had no suicide attempts before, but I was thinking of taking a bunch of Klonopin. I sleep most of the day since I'm at my parent's house not going to school. Finding a job is unlikely, too. I recently threw away my trees away and my parents don't know about that. It will probably still show up on a drug test so I can't get a job if they test. My mom is going to call my psychiatrist and ask him what he thinks of me being hospitalized and also ask him why he diagnosed me with Bipolar. I really don't get mad! I'm mellow and sad most of the time.\n\nI've read on some AMAs that nurses give you your medication and you go to group therapy sessions. Is that correct? What do you do for the rest of the day? I've heard strict places in the US, you're not allowed to have your laptop, cell phone, iPod, or electronics. WTF, that's my entire life! Damn, I don't know what to do with my life. ", "answer": "I current work at one as a therapist-intern (still do all the therapy and work- just get paid a lot less till I get my graduate degree in July :p )\n\nPM me if you have any specific concerns or questions that I can help you answer ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tsxaa", "comment_id": "c4pzc21"}, {"question": "Gf [21f]wants open relationship i dont. [23m]", "description": "So ot all started with her wanting me to hook up with other people. She said she would stay loyal and i just need to get perspective. Weve been dating for about 3 years now. I didnt want to but i made a tinder and thouhht wth if i actuallt get a match and things get rolling she will just ask me to stop. Anyways recentlt ahe told me she needs a open relationship. She did so in tears realizing id never go for it since im the jealous type ans i like monogomy. We talk for hours me trying to think of ways she can get the kink on without actually having sex with random dudes. It gets no where. Im still confused since im great in bed and i do everything for her pleasure. Fed up i suggested we break up. (Im in love with her but if we both want different things it wont work so why torture myself more). She really doesnt want to. Says im the guy she shes herself with for the rest of her life.(she knows if we break up i cut her off completely and we dont talk). I told her firmly breaks dont work and i cant deal with this kind of arrangement. She insists this could work out but im being stuborn. Idk what to do. She says shes ina. Weird time in her life snd she feels she needs to live a little. She knows i wont wait around and she doesnt want to break it off. Also most importantly she would never cheat. When we first dated i used to be jealous and suggest thst mabye she did. She got really mad i know for a fact she has been loyal this whole time. And at the end of our convo i said u want tk stay together fine but that doesnt mean we should have a open relationship and i dont want her fucking other guys behind my back. She said she didnt want to give me the satisifaction of being right, and she would stay loyal till the end. (She is also stubborn so when she says this i bel eive her.) Anyone have this i want to be in a open relationship phase ger out of it. She really doesnt want to through away a good relationship and regret it later. How can i convince her this is something that can change and isnt just a part of who she is. She says shes thought about this for a couple months. Now shes convinced its who she is. But how can it be who she is if she is thst beat up about it. She cried all day snd told me she wishes she csn change this. Idk what to do. We are two uniquely compatible people. We both weird in ways that compliment each lthere so well. We both know we wont find anyone else that can resonnant as much. I dont want to end things either. I feel like anyone else would just be a match at best, it wouldnt feel lile soulmates.im lost scared and close to just giving up. Any advice would help especially from people in open or has tried open relationships. Thanks \n", "answer": "it rarely works and mostly blows up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71vn5p", "comment_id": "dne6slj"}, {"question": "Anxiety med makes me have fewer suicide thoughts. Does this mean I'm becoming addicted?", "description": "I tried a few antidepressants in the past, but stopped taking them due to fear of side effects. It took me months to bring up the courage to see a psychiatrist and try another of the meds he suggested (pregabalin). It's been two weeks and I had very few suicide thoughts, which is very unusual for me. It might be placebo, but a friend mentioned that people can get addicted.\n\nWell, I don't want this to happen. Mostly because I don't want people to think that I'm an addict. I don't know what's the right thing to do now. I feel like I'm being judged for getting off medication *again* and being non-compliant, but I'm also being judged for taking medication. Of course I'm also scared of withdrawals. I know it's not a benzo, but still. Life is a huge pile of crap.", "answer": "While I'm not quick to have my clients jump on the medication train, truth is some people absolutely need medication to be their best selves. A lot of people aren't so lucky as to have their brain function completely optimally and produce the right amount of chemicals to stay balanced. That's what medication is for. We don't (hopefully nobody does) judge and look negatively upon a diabetic for taking insulin. \n\nThe medication you're on is generally not one we would consider addictive like a benzo. \n\nIt sounds like you've gotten so comfortable being uncomfortable that you don't know how to deal with things now that you don't have the same high level of anxiety. Give it some time. Continue with therapy or seek it if you have only been getting med management. \n\nAt the end of the day you have to decide what you want for yourself. Is it more important for you to be happy and functional, or be miserable and be able to tell people that you don't need medication?\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7yw866", "comment_id": "dujwgqg"}, {"question": "OCD or something else?", "description": "Ever since getting drugged while out for a night with my friends I worry about what happens when I'm drunk, even when I remember all interactions. I am still paranoid that 'something' happened or that I \"hooked up\" with some random dude, etc. I know logically that it's just paranoia, but it's super hard to put a stop to. My main paranoid is that I cheat on my boyfriend or something crazy - is this OCD or something else??? is this normal? Thanks ", "answer": "Its not OCD, it's not even paranoia, its genuine anxiety which seems reasonable given your recent circumstances and concerns.\n\nIf its persisting - try www.moodgym.org (free computerised CBT).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zyp9k", "comment_id": "d6zun3g"}, {"question": "Buspar", "description": "Buspar for anxiety, I am currently a graduating college student with severe anxiety and was recommended Buspar. Would this help?", "answer": "My experience with it so far has been positive. Every persons reaction is different but it\u2019s worth a shot to try.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bg8eue", "comment_id": "elj3l4b"}, {"question": "He wouldn't commit to me, and I called it quits.. did I do the right thing?", "description": " I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We've been on a few dates and we talk and text all the time. I thought we got along really well and he constantly reminded me how much he liked me and how well he thought we were going, how he hadn't liked a girl in this way for a long time. I thought we were pretty compatible and I liked him a lot as well. Last night we were texting as normal, but then he asked me, \"since you know I don't want a relationship, what are you getting out of this?\" The question surprised me because although he had dropped hints about not wanting a relationship, I guess I always thought that with time he might give it a chance. he went on to explain that he felt a lot of pressure in relationships and he didn't want to lose me in a bad break up because he \"wanted to be with me for a long long time\" and that a \"relationship wouldn't last.\" I ended up just telling him the truth that I thought we should end this right now and I haven't texted him since. \n I'm really sad because I really did like him, but I feel used and almost insulted that he couldn't imagine ever becoming official with me, even with how much he talked about us in the future. I don't understand his logic because we're as good as \"broken up\" right now and we most likely won't stay friends, so what's the difference? Although it was hard for me to end things, I just didnt want to stay in a \"friends with benefits\" type situation (even though he insisted that wasn't the case). Did I do the right thing? \n", "answer": "yes. i wish more people would do that instead of hanging around with non -committal losers for years. Of course, then I'd need to find a different job than being a therapist because i'd have no more clients!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h85om", "comment_id": "diw8qkl"}, {"question": "Should I (27/F) end my 4-year relationship with my bum boyfriend (26/M)? Stays out at least once a week until the following day ...", "description": "We live together. He always pays his half of rent late, causing me to suffer in the debt as well, with late payments. He says he has no money to cover bills so I end up covering them with him promising to pay me back but he never does. He works two parttime jobs and is a college dropout, always promising to go back to school or find a better fulltime job, etc., but he doesn't seem to make an effort. He takes me out once a week to see a movie or something but every other free night he gets he spends it with his drug addict musician friends and he doesn't come home till 8 AM. (Last night he left the house at 4 PM and said he'd be back by 8 PM, then 11 PM, then around 2 AM, then I didn't hear from him until 4:30 AM when he texted to say he was sleeping at his guy friend's house ... I texted him at 5 AM asking why, he didn't reply. I couldn't sleep so I called him minutes later, no reply. I called him at 8 AM, no reply. Then he called me at 10 AM saying he just woke up and his phone was on silent, and that he was going straight to work from his friends. When I tried to tell him this is unacceptable behavior to do ONCE A WEEK for the past few months, he told me he would hang up the phone on me. I don't understand why he had to sleep there ??? when we share an apartment and he's come home at hours later than that so I don't know how to believe that 4 AM would've been to late to come home. I'm so upset. I can't even talk about this with him because he won't listen and just hangs up on me or leaves again to punish me for being upset.) I went to an Ivy League school and I have a master's degree. I fell in love with him when I was really young. He is my best friend, and I love him like family, but I am tired of carrying him as my burden but also too afraid? or sad? to leave him behind. My career is suffering because of the stress but also because of the unequal financial strain that gets put on me by having to cover for random little things too that also add up.\n\nI want to cut our apt. lease early and just leave suddenly, giving him three weeks notice. This is my dream. I fantasize about it everyday, the freedom. I'm so sick of this life - I know I could make a much better life for myself and I feel like I am taking care of a manchild. Yes, when we were younger it was different, but now I see things differently. Still, I feel like an evil person for having these thoughts. But I am afraid if I tell him well in advance of my plans it'll be hell for the next two months leading up to that moment and also maybe he'd try to win me over with more promises and knowing my track record it would probably work, as it has countless times. I feel stuck.\n\nI do love him and I care for him, but I'm just unhappy. I worked so hard to get where I am and now I feel like I'm suffering together with him. He lacks ambition and he seems content with his two shitty parttime jobs that barely even make his half of the ends meet.\n\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "yes. he's a bum", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71bwfd", "comment_id": "dn9l53s"}, {"question": "Talking to doc about schizophrenia? (x-post from /r/schizophrenia)", "description": "Long post warning, please read (not looking for a diagnosis)\n\nI'm (21/m) closing in on a year of debilitating mental health issues, as in cannot function. There have been signs of issues since early childhood, but as much as they were a pain (and in full swing now), they were liveable.\n\nI've been dealing with doctors ever since this started, really, give or take a couple months. I do love counseling and think it's important; however, I also think we go in there with an idea of our disorder and what counseling is supposed to be, and that can paint our answers and ultimately, our diagnosis, which unofficially at this point is major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.\n\nBut something made me question this past week. I was talking to a friend, and I spoke about the voices being bad the previous evening. I don't think I've ever had auditory hallucinations, but delusion, as defined by my brief research (Delusions are false beliefs or misinterpretations of events & their significance. For instance, a person may get accidentally bumped in the subway & may conclude that this is a Government plot to harass him), I absolutely have. One noise in the night can send me into a spiral of imagining such horrid scenarios, from the basic gunman breaking in to a demon busting into my room and myself screaming.\n\nI've controlled these to an extent, but they are still there, and medications (a variety) don't seem to really work, outside of a benzo on a case-by-case basis (and if it's a bad evening, even these don't help)\n\nNot only is the above true, but I don't actively have depressive symptoms during these events (though I certainly do the next day), I experience catatonic behavior (either going completely rigid or doing a same set of physical things over and over and over), and I've definitely struggled socially and professionally (I actively avoid social encounters when things are bad)\n\nI don't want to diagnose myself, but I also know that while doctors and shrinks are trained professionals, mental issues are very tricky, and I ultimately know what's going on inside my head.\n\nHow do I bring this up? I'm not searching for medication or anything; I just genuinely want to be better, and the various drugs I've tried to improve things...haven't improved them.\n", "answer": "If you are in counseling- any counselor worth his or her salt would be able to recognize Schizophrenia in you. However, if you sincerely believe that this is the case, you ought to discuss this with your counselor or ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. \n\nAs far as delusions go- they are much more than simply false beliefs. They are fixed false beliefs that, in the mind of the deluded, are impossible to falsify. If you were actively psychotic- you would not recognize that you had delusions. Quite frankly, what you described seems more consistent with extreme anxiety.\n\nEither way, talk about it with your professional mental healthcare provider and/or ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gza58", "comment_id": "capsqvk"}, {"question": "Experiancing odd synptoms, not sure what these could be", "description": "So about two weeks ago I was lying on the couch and I started hallucinating (I believe) the smell of something sweet (like cake). I became very anxious (I've been diagnosed with anxiety). Since then, I've felt lightheaded/spaced out several times a day (along with a mild headache). I have a weird feeling when looking at my arms and legs and feeling disconnected from them at times. I've become increasingly anxious worrying this is a sign of early psycosis (one of my worst fears) and have been paranoid at every odd event thinking I'm losing my mind (such as someone being sick without my knowledge and having a deeper voice due to it). I understand this is Reddit, but I don't have money to see a therapist (I'm a senior in High School), especially if this seems normal and not serious.", "answer": "Honestly we don\u2019t have enough information to help you here...some of your symptoms could be something very physiological and not psychological. Can you tell us *why* you are so fearful of psychosis? Is there a family history or have you had significant contact with someone who was psychotic?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bs9urz", "comment_id": "eol35zr"}, {"question": "How to jumpstart stomach in the morning without coffee", "description": "Male, 20, 145 lbs.\n\nI've been relying on black coffee to crap in the mornings, but I don't want to increqse my caffeine tolerance or even relt on caffeine. Any healthier zero calories alternatives?", "answer": "Black coffee has very few calories and is not unhealthy. There are lots of studies on coffee consumption, and while none to my knowledge are the gold standard randomized, controlled, double-blind study (because that's pretty hard to do with food and drink), the studies largely come down on the side of coffee being safe and possibly slightly reducing your risk of a few diseases.\n\nIf you're concerned about caffeine then your options for things to drink are pretty much water, non-caffeinated teas, or decaf coffee or tea (both of which have a little bit of caffeine but much less.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91hxab", "comment_id": "e2y3p0p"}, {"question": "I've got the perfect relationship but I want to have sex with other women [M28]", "description": "Here we go!\n\nTo start of I feel like I'm blessed with the most amazing fianc\u00e9 (4years) and relationship. We do love eachother to the worlds end and we do \"function\" really well together. We are not living together yet as we are waiting for our new house to be built. We travel frequently and we both have good health and employment.\n\nMy fianc\u00e9 is gorgeous, Adriana Lima gorgeous. She is goofy and educated and has a really soft heart for her close ones. We have a good and active sex-life. \n\nEvery relationship has its problems but basically she is everything I ever dreamt of and more!\n\nSo there must be something wrong with me seeking to amuse myself with other methods and girls.\n\nI cant explain why, but I have the need to gett \"off\". If I dont masturbate or have sex alot then my feelings of wanting to have sex with other girls get more extreme. Its not normal I think and to be honest I dont want to have these feelings because I feel like I want to be morally fair and faithfull to her.\n\nIts pure physical attraction and lust that I feel. I feel no need to be loved or to connect with anyone else. Hence why I rather go with a luxury prostitute rather than someone unprofessional. \n\nWhen I'm with my so I never feel the above, but as soon as I'm not busy or I'm business traveling the urge intensifies.\n\nTo this day I have never cheated (if you dont count masturbation to porn as cheating).\n\nI can get away with having sex with other woman to please my urge but Im confused if I really want to. The \"consequences\" will be me facing my moral self everyday and every time I look in to her eyes. At the same time I know that I'm very good at separating things in my mind and have a separate \"box\" for my cheating.\n\nI have been looking at professional girls to turn to with huge excitement(almost never as attractive as my fianc\u00e9 but just different). But as soon as I get off I'm almost regretting even having the slightest tought. I feel proud that I'm faithfull but I'm struggeling.\n\nI have friends going through the same thing (maybe not as extreme).\n\nI really feel like I'm a subject of the cooldige effect but I dont want to blame it on that. \nhttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect\n\nPlease help!\n\nTldr\nHave the best relationship and fianc\u00e9 ever, but still have the urge to have sex/receive pleassure from other women.", "answer": "then you're not ready for a committed monogamous relationship. unless you're both polyamorous, you have to choose between one lifestyle or another", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pblej", "comment_id": "dcpxdwe"}, {"question": "Blame Game", "description": "Hello all,\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm not super sure this is the correct question for this sub, but i'm sure you all have great advice on what i can do... \n\nI just got out of my first long term relationship. It ended because i would redirect blame towards my GF when she would call me out for something. \n\nI try to be the nicest person I can be, when she told me I did this, I wash shocked, I honestly believed that when i did this, we were just discussing issues that came up. I would never want to hurt someone I love so much.\n\nAs much as I wanted to keep dating, and immediately fix my issue, she stated that this is something I need to work on alone, and we broke up. \n\nwhat guidance do you have to help me understand how to not direct blame, but still discuss issues?", "answer": "Effective listening and observing is essential when communicating and especially so with the person you are dating. A big chunk of our communication is NON verbal. It\u2019s in the body language or tone of speech. Is the other person looking down, mumbling, hugging themselves? This might indicate discomfort, fear, feeling unsafe. \n\nNoting your own nonverbal communication can help you understand how she might perceive the communication. If there is no eye contact, nodding while the other is speaking, or frequent checking of the cell phone, the other person might interpret it as you do not care. \n\nCommunication is ideally two-way. You listen and receive the information she is sending you. You interpret, consider being in her shoes, then respond, with a goal in mind.\n\nIs the goal reconciling the argument and understanding eachother more? Or winning the argument without understanding eachother? \n\nBlaming others is a defense mechanism. To overcome it, taking responsibility for your wrongs and accountability can go along way.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bdpmsa", "comment_id": "el012b5"}, {"question": "Questions about \"Status Epilepticus\" after intentional cocaine overdose in 35 yr. old diabetic male:", "description": "35 yr old white male, cigarette smoker, type 1 diabetic since 19 yrs. old. History of several episodes of ketoacidosis. 5 ft. 5in. tall, 140 Lbs. Theraputic doses of Xanax and Norco. History of drug abuse. Prefers opiates and cocaine. He knows his limits. His nurse said \"Huge amount of cocaine in his system\", and that it was so much that \"We think he overdosed on purpose.\"\n\nOn Thursday, July 5th, he was found down in bushes having a seizure, bystander called 911. No one knows how long he was down before paramedics arrived. ER doctors could only stop the seizures with anticonvulsants. He was intubated and has been on a ventilator since then, and moved to the neuro. ICU. He has been held in a medical coma to prevent seizures. Anticonvulsants are lowering his blood pressure too far, so they have been removed a couple of times; however, seizures return when they are removed, so he has been returned to them. His blood sugar level has been held steady at or near 150.\n\nA 24 hr. EEG shows normal brain activity. His team of doctors plan to remove anticonvulsants and the ventilator on Monday, July 9th \"to see what happens\". No MRI can be done until he is removed from the EEG. \n\nNow my questions: What is the usual outcome from cocaine toxicity? How is the ventilator affecting his lungs and brain? If he comes out of this, is it likely he will have brain damage? If he doesn't come out of this, what is a reasonable amount of time to keep him on the machines? Will his organs be viable for donation if he is on the ventilator until Friday, June 14th? (As a family we are on the fence about giving him until then to come out of this,) We understand he was trying to commit suicide, and we want him to come out of this, but we want him to be the same person he was, with the same quality of life he had. If that isn't likely then we want to let him go, but we aren't getting answers to the questions we have.\n\nThank you for your time.", "answer": "Cocaine can lower seizure threshold (increase the chance of seizure), but that's not one of its main or classic toxicities. Death from cocaine overdose is usually from heart attack, arrhythmia, or hyperthermia, seizure-related, so this is a strange clinical picture if cocaine was the only drug involved. If he were taking more benzos than prescribed and then stopped suddenly he could have seizures, but those would usually resolve with giving benzos, which I assume were given as standard status epilepticus treatment.\n\nThe use of a ventilator is to provide sufficient oxygen. If used wrong it can damage lungs, but usually it doesn't cause any lasting damage. Whether he has brain damage depends on how long he wasn't breathing and what was going on with the seizures; there's no way to know. But if his EEG looks normal that's a good sign.\n\nThere's no right answer for how long to give him on the ventilator. That depends on the clinical situation and your own feelings and decision making. It's a very hard, sad situation. In general, you can be on a vent for a very long time and organs will be just fine, so there's no rush if you're considering donation. But I think that's premature; you still need to know what happens when weaned off the meds and vent.\n\nThis is a very tragic situation for you, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Your questions are many that can best be answered by the medical team involved, but in fact many probably don't have answers yet. Everyone is hoping that he'll wake up and be fine, but there's no way to know that until it's tried. I hope it goes well.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8wvkoy", "comment_id": "e1zc960"}, {"question": "Taking paracetamol and sodium ascorbate together", "description": "M 19\n\n\nI take 550 mg of sodium ascorbate twice a day. Will taking a 500 mg paracetamol tablet every 4 hours be bad for me?", "answer": "No, paracetamol and vitamin C don't have any dangerous interaction.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gct6h", "comment_id": "dyandvi"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Im 5 weeks. It is getting easier and easier. I went for dinner last night with family and while i had a few urges to drink they passed quickly, and it was overall v enjoyable. How many days are you? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "e01kipp"}, {"question": "Losing the will to live... please please help", "description": "I'm writing this here because I don't know what else to do.... this is a long story so skim do whatever you can to get to the the end as a i really need help.. my partner suggested I do this as we listen to scary stories and other bit's of reddit.. I don't actually use reddit myself so I'm a new user hoping I'm posting in the right place.. \n\nI want to explain everything fully to rule everything out... I have IBS have done since I was around 15 now 24 which is well managed.. well as well as one can manage the dreaded syndrome.. I also have asthma which I've had since birth and take inhalers for... well controlled haven't had an attack in a couple years and I've had so many of them I know what they're like..\n\nAnd more to the point I was diagnosed with endometriosis last September.. i had an operation they found areas of excess tissue and it was lasered away. After the operation I got an infection which prolonged recovery.. i lost my job and everything went to hell for a while whilst I recovered but things got better again I went back to work etc..\n\nMy gyno started me on a treatment of tablets once I fully recovered (can't remember name sorry) which coupled with synaex a hormone nasal spray I took them together for a short term hormone treatment... I started experiencing hot flashes and a feeling of elevated heart rate so they took me off those medications and prescribed me microgynon (30?) A contraceptive which I was purely using for hormone treatment, I was asked by my gyno to take them back to back 3 courses before a break not like the normal one slip one week break then back on the mm his again was for hormone purposes I'd also like to note they'd tried other contraceptive treatments which have never worked or I've had a bad reaction to.. in fact I've had all of the contraceptives except the injection in the ass... ANYWAY I didn't start taking them immediately it was around 4-5 months after.. i had this break purely because I wasn't experiencing any endo pain.. I take a lot of medication on the whole and didn't want to take it unnecessarily but eventually i started experiencing my monthly pain again which becomes quite strong leaving me unable to work and lead my normal routine even though the pain only lasts for 1-2days at most it can be very uncomfortable as is for a lot of women so I decided it was time to start treatment again...\n\nAround a few days in maybe a week i started experiencing low libido tender areas mood swings headaches tiredness.. all common side affects to the pill pretty much ticked... I treated this as quite normal.. hormone tablets are tricky and can take a while to adjust to so i put it down to this and wanted to persevere through so I didnt consult a doctor.. mainly because I had my 6 monthly check up approaching anyway so thought id wait to discuss with my specialist gyno if the problems persisted..\n\nHOWEVER... a few days after the side affects started they stopped abruptly.. great right?! NO NO NO NO\n\nOne morning around 5am I awake with severe stomach discomfort.. this is quite normal due to my IBS which is noted above.. I went to the toilet to do my thing and as I'm there I get a wave of extreme heat from the top of my head to the tip of my toes resulting in immediate sweating... I went back to the bedroom and sat on my bed when I started get heart palpatations.. this gave me pins and needles probably from the blood rushing everywhere.. I felt sick dizzy and felt a constant need to go to the toilet and release my bowels.. mainly because the fluttering in my heart was sending a horrible butterfly like sensation to my stomach.. like when your scared or nervous about something... in turn sending pains and discomfort feeling all the way down to my bum...\n\nThis was unbearable and within a few hours I called 111 (non emergency medical no for us in UK) they asked lots of questions and suggested to send an ambulance.. which I agreed..\n\nThe ambulance arrives.. i actually knew the paramedic which was a stroke of luck.. he was really helpful hooked me up with wires everywhere to an ECG machine to monitor my heart.. he took my pulse blood pressure did a prick on the finger for blood sugar and took my temperature.. everything was fine except my temperature was slightly elevated at 37.7 but nothing out the normal.. he suggested I go to urgent care up the hospital... like A&E or ER but more relaxed with rooms to see nurses and doctors for non emergency medical care as he was unable to diagnose what was going on and my doctors were booked so I couldn't see them.. so I went to urgent care as suggested..\n\nThe nurse I saw was unable to figure out what was wrong.. she reckoned whatever was wrong was presenting as anxiety like symptoms.. I was very tired and crying (terrified I was dieing) so she prescribed 5mg diazapam tablets to help me relax.. \n\nThey didn't help me relax.. they made me feel slightly drowsy. . Enough to fall asleep but did nothing for the palpatations fluttery stomach feelings sweats and sickness..\n\nAround 5 days in I hadn't eaten anything.. only drank water non stop uo to this ppint and the only relief I had was the broken sleep I got from taking a 5mg diazapam tablet.. please note I am well aware of the addictive affects of diazapam and only take it when I absolutely have to because I physically cannot sleep at times otherwise.. I never take them during the day to try and 'help' as I don't think they help they can cause more harm than good.. \n\nAnyways so 5 days in.. little sleep no food.. my mind going over every possibility for death and admitted suicidal thoughts because I'd had enough... I'm crying and have no energy to move I go back to the doctors who actually send me up to A&E (ER) this time.. they take me in do blood tests blood culture's and urine tests... after 12hrs of waiting (they gave me no medication to help being there actually making me feel worse) the doctor came to see me.. advised there's no clot on the lung which they were suspecting and all tests were negative.. clear whatever way you want to put it.. the doctor put it down to a reaction to the microgynon and said there is no antidote tablet so I had to wait for it to get out my system.. I go home for rest.. no medical treatment was given to me what so ever in the time I was there and gave me nothing to take home so still wanting to die..\n\n2 days later I saw my scheduled specialist gyno appointment at hospital that I mentioned above I explained everything to them and they concluded the same as the doctor.. a reaction to the microgynon although they did no extra tests at that appointment so they could only go off what I said I guess.. anyway 2 days later I go back to a gradual normal.. thinking the doctors must have been right about the reaction to the tablets as life was back to normal...\n\n5 DAYS LATER... (sorry for this next statement) me and my partner were having sex.. it felt a little but uncomfortable which does ocassionally happen due to my endo but after we finished I got immediate very intense stabbing pains along the bottom of my stomach followed by.. yep you guessed it.. all the palpation stomach flutter sweats and dizzyness that I'd had previously and it hasn't stopped since then (Sunday night)... \n\nToday is day 4.. and this is how every day this week has gone.. I wake around 6-6.30 either randomly or because my partners work alarm goes off.. I'm immediately greeted with stomach pain all over not in one area along with the palpitations and dizzyness (butterfly's not appearing at this point probably due to pain instead).. I go to the toilet what happens there vary's depending on if I was able to stomach food the day before.. either way it results in an uncomftable visit every time.. I go back to bed.. I then spend the next hour or so fighting the palpatations trying to monitor my breathing.. and the urge to be sick even tho I know I have nothing to be sick most of the time the sweats and the butterflys in my stomach have joined back in at this point.. sometimes I'm able to go back into a very light and broken sleep after a while other times I'm then awake.. if I do go back to sleep I wake up probably every 10 minute's and I sleep a max a couple extra hours but anything helps..\n\nSometimes around lunchtime or late afternoon everything starts to relax the symptoms die down and I can get up and go downstairs.. I'm not completely back to normal i can still feel it but it's not as heavy if that makes sense? I can move around have discussions with my partner watch TV comftabley and start to get an appetite back.. however as quick as the symptoms can subside they can come back.. I've tried to take note of what happens when they come back what I'm doing etc. But I'm not doing anything abnormal just watching the TV or playing a computer game.. they usually come back mid evening or late evening so I don't know what is causing this.. but I generally have to go back to my bed when it starts all over again.. \n\nI understand from the symptoms it seems like anxiety or panic attacks but I am a very confident person.. up until a couple of weeks a go I led a very happy life.. I'm getting married next year I don't have depression or much stress in my life.. I don't have children and lead a relaxed lifestyle.. even exercising ocassionally.. i swim a few times a month.. I've never been a particullarly anxious person if you came up to me on the street I'd talk to you about anything until the cows came home im a happy loud extrovert person but the symptoms I've had over the last week's have made me very withdrawn from everything and everyone.. I don't talk a lot mainly because I'm focusing so hard on not feeling like dieing I have no room for anything else and the thoughts I have are sometimes irrational.. eg my partners going to leave me because I'm ill all the time or on the flip side I'm going to die before we ever get married because somethings wrong which they haven't discovered and I'm slowly dieing.. believe me I understand the thoughts are stupid and the emotions I'm feeling are because I'm tired and probably hormonal.. I've tried breathing techniques.. I have asthma so I'm well aware of deep breathing techniques etc.. I know my heart isnt beating too fast but I don't know why it feels like it is...\n\nAnyways to be in a state of constant anxiety for days and weeks at a time is killing me.. doctors ask do you feel anxious or panicked.. my answer.. not until this all started happening.. the longer this goes on the more it's crushing my soul...\n\nSo please. .. please.. if you managed to read through all the bable above and you've ever experienced.. know or have any advice for what I'm going through I'd LOVE to hear it.... similarly if there is anything I haven't answered or you have a question ask away I will do my best to muster the energy to respond when I can..\n\nI have a doctors appointment this afternoon but I don't hold much hope.. \n\nPlease help me...\n\nThanks\n\nA very ill young lady", "answer": "UK psychiatrist here.\n\nAny update from your appointment today?\n\nI genuinely feel for you, it sounds horrendous. I'm male, and im not even going to try to pretend to know what it's like, but some of my patients have had similar physical health problems and at times its been a bugger to sort out. I do think women get poorer care for these things too (which I notice has been in UK media lately).\n\nI can't really give you much advice on the physical health side of things, but it's completely normal to have dark/suicidal thoughts when you go through something like this, and it's reflective of the level of distress you are under. You don't need to drag yourself to a psychologist (how American), just make sure you have good emotional support from partner/friends/family. Obviously if these thoughts are getting to a stage where you feel out of control with them or feel like acting on them, then get medical help in any way feasible. Ultimately it's treating the underlying cause that will make those thoughts go away, but if you notice other changes like persistently low energy levels or lack of interest in enjoyable activities, then talking therapies or antidepressants may become relevant.\n\nI hope you get some resolution to this, sooner rather than later.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yc70i", "comment_id": "d6myphb"}, {"question": "Anybody else have PTSD from MST?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I do. Almost 9 years ago now that it happened. I've spent several years in therapy of different kinds. I'd be happy to chat with you. Feel free to PM me.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5vtyeh", "comment_id": "de5srop"}, {"question": "I have Munchhausen Syndrome. Please help.", "description": "I decided to post on here because I can't find much info on Munchhausen's online and I'm at my wits end and I really need to put a stop to this. I am 25 years old. Female. I believe I've had Munchhausen's syndrome since early adolescence and I have never told anyone about it. It's humiliating and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself. It is like a compulsion. I was diagnosed at 4 years old with stage 4 cancer. Considered terminal for some time. I was in active treatment from 4 to 6 years old. I think having a life-threatening illness at such a formative age really messed me up mentally. I love the role of \"patient\". It is comforting and familiar to me. Through my entire childhood I was in and out of hospitals and I enjoyed it. The reasons for me being sick were legitimate. I still have late-effects from my cancer treatment, however I am pretty healthy. Since my teen years I've been exaggerating or completely making up symptoms to get attention from my family and from doctors. I now work in health care and it's only gotten worse. I have taken medications to induce symptoms that otherwise I wouldn't have. I have tampered with tests. If you look up Munchhausen syndrome signs online, I have them all. I don't think anyone knows that I have this problem. I am an expert liar and manipulator. I am able to go long periods of time without acting on my \"compulsions\" and staying out of hospitals, but during these times I'm severely depressed. But sometimes I can't help it. I know it's wrong. I feel intense guilt. I am disgusted with my actions. I have previously attempted suicide because of it. How do I stop my behavior? I don't even know my first step. Can this be treated? Please help - I hate being like this. ", "answer": "Firstly, there's no reason to be upset with yourself. You have a mental disorder. A LOT of people do, and yours is no different. What you're dealing with is just as much in your control as depression or anxiety would be. You didn't ask for it, and it's pretty clear you want to change things. You aren't even doing anything wrong.\n\nReally there's only one solution. Look up your insurance, and find a therapist that's covered. Meet with them, feel if it's a good fit, and starting attending. This is all related to when you were a kid, which a therapist will know EXACTLY how to help you with. Trust me.\n\nI know it feels like a lot right now, but I can promise you what you're dealing with is extremely treatable. All it takes is that first step.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5n27g4", "comment_id": "dc90t7i"}, {"question": "Questions about bloodwork and needle phobia", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS back in September and was prescribed Metformin and Spironolactone. My doctor noted that I had slightly elevated cortisol levels and that is sometimes a result of Cushing's syndrome. She also wanted to check my blood again for potassium levels due to taking Spironolactone. I have a terrible fear of needles and will often have panic attacks and/or pass out. I can't go by myself because I can't drive myself home, and it takes me awhile to calm down so I can go back to work. I have three problems with getting blood work this time:\n\n1) Based on my Google research, cortisol levels are your stress levels when your blood is taken, so if your stress levels are high during the test, you'l have high cortisol levels. It seems logical that I would have higher than normal cortisol levels when I'm deathly afraid of needles, and getting my blood drawn once again when I'm deathly afraid of needles seems like it would have the same result. I also have none of the other symptoms of Cushing's other than weight gain, so it seems like there's no reason to suspect Cushing's other than the cortisol levels.\n\n2) I found studies through my Google research that measuring potassium levels has been found to be generally unnecessary for young women taking spironolactone hasn't been shown to have that effect on young women.\n\n3) I assumed I would need to get my testosterone and insulin levels checked again, since that's what I'm being treated for, but my doctor didn't even mention that as one of the things she would be looking at. When I brought it up, it didn't seem like she would be interested in those levels for this test. I don't want to get tested for two unnecessary things just to have to go back again and get tested for the problems I'm actually being treated for.\n\nThe treatments are working well for me and I would like to just continue on my current path, but I'm worried that my doctor won't refill my prescriptions unless I get the testing done. I would really rather not inconvenience a family member and experience horrible anxiety unless I absolutely have to. Am I just making excuses, or do I have reason to believe the testing is unnecessary? Anybody else have experience with cortisol and potassium testing with PCOS?\n\nPS Sorry for the wall of text.", "answer": "I had Cushing a ruled out by a 24 hour urin collection which measured my cortisol levels from the whole day. Definitely ask about that as a possibility. \n\nI would explain the situation to your doctor and get a better understanding of the rationale behind the tests. Ultimately it is your body. You weight the cost/benefit equation and decide what's right for you. I have anxiety and completely understand and sympathize with wanting to avoid that if at all possible. \n\nI also wonder if your doc could prescribe an anxiety medication to take the edge off blood draws if they are deemed absolutely necessary. My Ativan helps me through some tough times. \n\nI send you good vibes! ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "5ttrbi", "comment_id": "ddozlja"}, {"question": "Insomnia and ADHD", "description": "Hi all, recently I've noticed that I watch a ton of videos and stay up late instead of going to sleep. I'm always tired at night but just can't seem to fall sleep because of thoughts. This is new for me, and I used to cope with it by listening to music or asmr as I was going to sleep. I don't want to do this because it requires me to have equipment with me when I sleep vs a simple fan.\nHow do you deal with Insomnia? \nEdit: tonight my worry is that a girl I've been talking to on a dating website hasn't replied back but read my message and I'm worried she lost interest. Naturally I keep trying to take my mind off it but it's all I can think about.", "answer": "Besides insomnia, look into Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It\u2019s highly correlated with ADHD and has been genetically linked with it. \n\nSimply put, one\u2019s Circadian rhythm is different than average, usually longer. Instead of getting tired around 10 or 11PM you might get tired at 2 or 3AM and then you wake up later in the morning. \n\nIf I don\u2019t take medication, I usually get tired around 2AM and wake up around 11AM. That obviously doesn\u2019t work well for your average job. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6sn2", "comment_id": "ds09i5m"}, {"question": "[23/m] I'm In Love With My EX [22/f]", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Don't contact her. Do get on with your life. Waiting for someone this unpredictable to land on \"you're the one I want to make a serious commitment to\" will waste your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bgpvs", "comment_id": "dhmhdku"}, {"question": "Thankful Thursday \ud83c\udf53\ud83c\udf82 - you are awesome!", "description": "Happy Thursday sobernauts!\n\nThankful Thursdays is a weekly thread here, where we can focus and reflect on what we are thankful for. I\u2019ll include something on thankfulness and invite you to take a moment to reflect on what you are grateful for **today**.\n\n---\n\n**Thankful quote**\n\n>*[I hope you can see how awesome you are, and know how much you are appreciated for being the one and only you](http://i.imgur.com/3jbMiv0.jpg)*\n\n---\n\nEach and every person here brings their own sparkle to this community, different experiences and perspectives. I am so grateful for the diversity that is accommodated within this community, as we tread in similar directions. Thank you for bringing your own experience and insight here, it helps me to consider different perspectives, and keep my eyes open.\n\nI will not drink today, I am very grateful for your company today sobernauts - you are awesome!\n\n---\n\n**So, sobernauts**\n\n**What are you thankful for TODAY?** ", "answer": "I'm thankful for a supportive and forgiving boyfriend. I'm thankful for chocolate. I'm thankful for internet message boards and reddit. I'm thankful for Pema Chodron. I'm thankful for good health and the ability to run. I'm thankful for my grad school interview invitation. I'm grateful for a steady paycheck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "444jm5", "comment_id": "czns1hy"}, {"question": "[16/m] Need advice on if i have a chance with her [16/f] anymore.", "description": "Last thursday this girl who ive been talking to for a long time stayed round mine for the night and we got really close and to not go into too much detail but at the end of the night i was sure that she was my girlfriend. The next day she messages me saying that she really enjoyed last night but she had to meet with her ex the next day to tell him so that he wouldnt hear from someone else and to bring their relationship to a complete end(they had dated for 4 years prior so she needed to do it). Around 5 on saturday she sends me a massive message explaining how she had feelings for me but also still had feelings for her ex. She goes on to say that she doesnt want to be in any relationship because it would be unfair on me if she still had feelings for her ex even though they werent going to get back together. She said that she does have feelings and that she really enjoyed thursday night but i really dont want to just end it because all i want right now is to be with her and it kills me because she is really torn up about it aswell and wishes that it wasnt like this.\nDo i have any chance of being with her or will i have to give up and not try anymore?", "answer": "if she doesn't stay with her ex, she'll still need to REALLY be over him, which could take a while. i would move on, but stay in touch if it's not painful. you never know what the future brings.....", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ry4h2", "comment_id": "dl8kxfm"}, {"question": "2 years of sobriety yesterday", "description": "I celebrated 2 years of continuous sobriety yesterday, and I revisited this passage in the big book yesterday morning-\n\n\n\"We were having trouble with\r\npersonal relationships, we couldn\u2019t control our emo-\r\ntional natures, we were a prey to misery and depres-\r\nsion, we couldn\u2019t make a living, we had a feeling of\r\nuselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy,\r\nwe couldn\u2019t seem to be of real help to other people\"\n\n\nI was extremely emotional and sobbing in gratitude realizing how far ive come and that these problems are gone. \n\nExtremely grateful to this program for GIVING ME A LIFE", "answer": "The Bedeviments. I can relate to being there. Congratulations on your two years!!!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bqgacj", "comment_id": "eo4afzu"}, {"question": "Please help me think of a good Christmas present for my boyfriend who is ADHD and about to start school again. Something that will be super beneficial and helpful in his daily life maybe?", "description": "Hi! Not ADHD here but follow this subreddit to keep up with the community as my beloved boyfriend is super ADHD.\n\nHe doesn\u2019t know what he wants for Christmas. I really want to get him a kickass present that he\u2019ll both love and use. He just got accepted back into school and I am so excited for him and proud!! So, for those of you who have gotten through school, I just wanted to know if y\u2019all have any ideas on gifts I can give him to help him stay on schedule and stress-free throughout the school year. \n", "answer": "I\u2019ve been getting into bullet journaling, which is when you basically make your own planner from scratch in a blank notebook. I\u2019ve seen bullet journals being touted as \u201cthe best planner for ADHD\u201d because you can adapt it to exactly your purposes since you\u2019re making it all yourself. Some people get really elaborate with them but they can be done very simply as well. There is a video on bullet journaling on the How to ADHD YouTube channel if you want to look and get more info to see if it seems like something he\u2019d like to try. If so, a blank journal and some nice pens could make a great gift. I\u2019m doing bullet journaling and finding it works better for me than any other planner so far. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a4dk6e", "comment_id": "ebdibfp"}, {"question": "advice on not making someones mental state worse", "description": "ok, so i have a cousin. He can to stay with us last year for a few weeks, which stretched in to months while he looked for work in this country. \n\nHe has had and still has issues with what i choose to call \"personal darkness\" and this tends to manifest itself as alcoholism.\n\nAt the same time i was trying to look after my mum, who has been a drinker since i was a kid. This meant whenever i went to see her calling an ambulance so that they could dry her out, because she invariably timed my visits with a huge vodka binge.\n\nWe tried having her live with us, i tried going down to see her two or three times a week, but that just increased the hospital visits. Every time i walked from the station to her flat i thought \"will this be the time she is dead, and what will i do?\".\n\nMeanwhile he was descending - staying in his room, showing all the signs - i have grown up with them so i recognise them - of secret drinking. I kind of ignored it because i had a more serious someone-elses-drinking-problem to try and deal with.\n\nEventually in June of last year she died. The family all came over for her funeral, and cousins mum saw what a state he was in and took him home.\n\nHe has been in and out of various support since.\n\nA few weeks ago he asks if he can visit for a week, but the date keeps changing, he cancels, he re plans and then a few days ago he turns up, with his mum, but with a LOT of luggage.\n\nAll of a sudden his visit is open ended, until he gets a job.\n\nI can't deal with this. Feel free to tell me what a shit i am, but last night i was on edge - looking for the signs again, wondering if i needed to intervene, how to intervene. I can't bear the prospect of this tension every morning and every night, nor can my wife, and although my son is off to University in a month or so i don't think he needs this either.\n\nMy plan is to sit down with him and talk about it, set some boundaries, explain how i feel, though i can't be sure why i feel it, but i don't want to make him feel unloved or unwelcome. He is clearly in a fragile state, i think i could easily make it a lot worse if i don't choose my words very carefully, and actually i suspect no matter how tactful i am it will be damaging for him.\n\nI can't just let him stay and get ill and have the household be constantly tense and \"on the lookout\" for symptomatic behaviour.\n\nTL:DR i'm a heartless shit who can't deal with alcoholism anymore, how do i not appear too heartless.", "answer": "I am a therapist and I'd say basically the exact same thing Obsession said. \n\nOne way to look at it that might help relieve some of the guilt. By letting him stay without setting rules (no drinking while you stay here with me, etc.) you are actually aiding him in killing himself. The responsible and ethical thing to do for both him and yourself is to enforce your boundaries if he oversteps them and throw his ass out. He'll sink or swim, but it's on him at that point. Forcing him into that situation is the best gift you can give to him.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6szpie", "comment_id": "dlh4us4"}, {"question": "Had anxiety about going to the post office to ship a package, forced myself to go and realized anxiety just makes everything sound worse than it really is and I\u2019m proud of myself for going!", "description": "I know this sounds so like something so basic but lately my anxiety has been really bad preventing me from doing things \n\nI had to ship an item that someone bought off me online and I kept putting it off this week because I was too anxious to go to the post office and wasn\u2019t sure what I would do once I got there.\n\nMy boyfriend told me that I should try to go because this was something I needed to do since I already got paid for the item. Sometimes all you need is some support from one person to tell you that you\u2019ll be fine about a certain situation\n\nOnce I got back I felt so relieved, it was something so easy to do and I was just overthinking it and making myself more anxious but in reality there was nothing to be anxious about! \n\nI just personally felt proud of myself and wanted to write this in case anyone has been dealing with similar anxiety, we always tend to make out situations to be worse than they actually are, and you won\u2019t know the outcome and that most of the time your anxiety is wrong unless you try!", "answer": "Read the subtle art of not giving a fuck", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "d9qsam", "comment_id": "f1mmpvu"}, {"question": "My day as an alcoholic.", "description": "Wake up with hangover. Have muse some tea with ginger. Bathe in cold water to bring pressure down and \u201cwake the *** up\u201d and try not to look drunk at work. Brush and do mouthwashes to get the alcohol breath out. Go to work and trade emotionally rather than logically. For lunch have healthy food.\u2019keep drinking water through out day to be \u201cready \u201c for evening. Think about what to drink at night. Walk about 2 miles so I can drink as much as possible. Evening go to liquor store. Buy alcohol and lotto tickets. Go home pour me self a drink as I cook. Then engage in sports betting and online poker as I drink up. Do violent betting and poker plays as I got drunker and drunker. Engage in sexual talks online and get hook ups at even midnight. Drink water and sleep usually snoring.\n\nThat used to be my day for 10 years. \n\nWill post a weekend schedule tomorrow \n\nNow sober and happy for 2 years", "answer": "Yeah, that would be a good day for me. Glad you\u2019re sober for two years, that\u2019s great! \n\nMy day would start out by waking up at 2:00 in the morning because my body needed a drink. Chug the vodka with a splash of cranberry or whiskey and coke all made on my nightstand because I know this will happen and does every night. Then I will hopefully pass out again until I woke up for my alarm at 4:30. Shaking, I have to start making my Gatorade and vodkas for the day while trying to get down my morning drink. Some days I will throw it up and it will take another drink before I can hold it down. Drive to work with a drink, and try to load up the truck and get everything ready for the job, hoping I am able to get another few sips in soon. All day trying to keep the fine line between feeling like I am gonna die/shaking and being too obviously drunk or too drunk to work. My whole day is spent just trying to get through it so I can drink more when I get out to really take the edge off and feel some small amount of relief or a little less like I am going to die. So I drink more when I get out. All that does is get me to be able to eventually pass out until I wake up again at 2 in the morning needing a drink, and I am left with no choice but to continue the same sick disgusting cycle, just trying to survive... until I get home and drink to get some relief again....and the cycle continues. That was a living hell", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "c22jk3", "comment_id": "erii389"}, {"question": "I feel so unappreciated.", "description": "I feel overly under appreciated. Not only by my family, my boss, or friends, but also by life. I do everything I can to make everyone happy. I go out of my way to be there for people. Change my schedule to accommodate everyone and yet I when I need someone or something no one is ever available. My two friends don't even answer texts but as soon as they are feeling down or they need a favor the texts never stop coming. I have a great boyfriend who is there to listen but I'm sure he gets sick of my constant complaining. It's always over the same shit. I feel like I work too much to have the little bit i have. Wish I could have more. I don't understand how people who say they have no money are out vacationing and buying themselves nice things when I work equally as hard and cannot afford any of that. I don't feel like life owes me anything but MAN! is it discouraging to be stuck. I wish there was a way to just drop everything and move away but everything has to center on money and i dont have any right now to get away! Thanks for reading, I really needed this! ", "answer": "\"Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264r9d", "comment_id": "chnvk9q"}, {"question": "A psychiatrist told me I'm not depressed.", "description": "Before I talk about the shrink, let me tell you about my life.\n\n\nI've been bullied and stigmatised on and off since I was 11. It's only stopped now because I've finished school. My parents always fought verbally (rarely physically, only when alcohol was involved) in front of me, and usually tried to involve me in said fights. My mother is horrible and abusive when drunk and happens to be an alcoholic.\n\nAt age 15, my school attendance gradually dropped, until I was skipping whole weeks at 17. I got kicked out of school in my last year due to - you guessed it - shitty attendance. This was when I started smoking weed, and I smoke probably a gram a day, but that's only when I manage to get my hands on it.\n\n\n\nLast Saturday night, I took a pack of cocodamol. My mindset was \"either get a huge buzz or die. whatever\". Obviously that mindset changed when I was horribly itchy, and had pinpoint pupils. So I phoned NHS 24, who told me to go to A&E.\n\n\nAt A&E, I got a blood test and was told I was lucky, if I had taken 25% more than my dose then I could have had problems. The doctor then said she has asked a shrink to come down and talk to me.\n\n\nI told the guy about my situation, and he blamed it on the fact that I'm a teenager, and that I smoke weed regularly.\n\n\n Maybe I should cut down on my use of the stuff, but all my adolescent life I have had terrible concentration, paranoia, social anxiety, tiredness all day, crap sleep quality regardless of the length of sleep, unnecessary guilt, and generally feeling worthless. I've also gone from overweight to skinny and vice versa several times.\n\nSo my point is, if I'm not depressed, what the fuck is wrong with me?", "answer": "While a lot of your symptoms are characteristic of depressive disorders like dysthymia, they are also very characteristic of trauma reactions. Read about [Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified](http://www.traumacenter.org/initiatives/Polyvictimization_Articles/ComplexTraumaOct2006_JTS3.pdf) (DESNOS). This is not (yet) an official diagnosis in the United States; it's still being researched. I'm not sure what its status is in the ICD-10. You might not meet the full criteria for DESNOS - you may indeed have a depressive disorder - but I think that whatever the diagnosis is, it's a response to chronic stress and abuse. In any case, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this and that you were interviewed by an incompetent shrink. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1axpkc", "comment_id": "c91tjwh"}, {"question": "I'm [F/21] going back to the guy who broke my heart...[M/24]", "description": "Last year I was seeing a guy for 4 months. We were exclusive but never \"bf/gf.\" Things ended out of the blue when he STOPPED REPLYING and GHOSTED ME! \n\nBut I never sent multiple messages and just let him go.\n\nNow, over a year later he pops back up. Due to his charm and funniness I agreed to a date. We've been on 2 dates now and haven't discussed where this is going, or even properly spoken about what happened last time. Will this all end in tears?", "answer": "It's risky. ASK all the big questions whenever you need to. Talk through what happened before. Keep your eyes and ears open. Make sure he states his intents clearly. Go slow. Be careful and watchful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "672fdu", "comment_id": "dgn4xty"}, {"question": "Am I introverted or extroverted?", "description": "I'm shy and I prefer the company of a few people rather than big groups, and I enjoy alone time/relaxation time but in moderation. During weekends I'd rather go out and do stuff than stay in and do nothing. I'm not sure if my preference to going out over staying in makes me more extroverted, or if my shyness and my dislike of big groups/socializing makes me more introverted. ", "answer": "Yep... as sometimespredictable said, it is a continuum. People call themselves introverts or extroverts because their personality leans more heavily on one side. Nobody is a pure extrovert or introvert. The implications would be maddening. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8dbzd3", "comment_id": "dxmt47c"}, {"question": "Would a doctor tell a pregnant woman that she should continue smoking?", "description": "My mom\u2019s friend [38F] is pregnant and is due in about 2 months. All throughout her pregnancy, she has smoked (both cigarettes and weed). But when I say smoke, I mean *chain-smokes* like that\u2019s all that she does. She has no job so she doesn\u2019t go anywhere except to Carl\u2019s Jr. for lunch and the cigarette place. She is about 450 pounds and gets no exercise and does not eat healthy whatsoever. My mom occasionally goes to her house to hang out and has told the woman how extremely concerned she is with the amount of cigarettes she blows through per hour/day, and asked what her doctor thinks of her smoking. The woman said that the doctor is completely fine with it and would honestly advise against quitting smoking because then the baby would go into \u201cshock\u201d. \n\nShe smoked a pack of cigarettes per day prior to being pregnant but has now moved up to a pack and a half (along with about 2g of marijuana) per day.", "answer": "The answer is been given multiple times. We don\u2019t need to discuss and deride someone who isn\u2019t even a participant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fcxlhp", "comment_id": "fje3i1u"}, {"question": "How come I [19/f] have so much trouble making friends?", "description": "I have been a quiet individual my entire life, but this is only with strangers. For some reason, I have never had many friends, and the friends that I have made over the years have just distanced themselves from me and vice versa. My boyfriend has tons of friends, and I think I'm getting jealous and lonely because when he is with friends I have no one. I am a decent looking person, I am really caring, and I am intelligent. I have talked to people in some of my classes at college, but the conversations never get anywhere. It seems as if everybody has their friends and doesn't want or need anymore. I participate in clubs, but no one really talks there. If they do talk, it's the group of people that are already friends. It'd be awkward if I just walked up to them and tried being friends. You can't just get into someone's friend group like that. I don't really know what to do anymore.", "answer": "try meetup.com", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63hu49", "comment_id": "dfucix3"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "de1hka0"}, {"question": "[23/F] Feeling lonely with, or without my husband [26/M]. Unable to re-kindle affection.", "description": "So My husband [26/M] and I [23/F] have been together for 5 years. now and its starting to feel like its all just going downhill... \n\nI feel like I have a [sexual aversion](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19784769) as well as [Tactile sensitivity](https://insideperspectives.wordpress.com/sensory/sidspdhsp/tactile-sensitivity/) So I crave affection and attention and love, but when I get it it just gets at me in a not so good way... which is obviously effecting him too. I mean you can't go 5 years with someone who can't enjoy being touched and not start to blame yourself.\n\nLike this morning for example... (most morning actually) He wakes up to go to work, takes the dogs on a walk and then comes back to cuddle me before leaving, but his form of \"cuddling me\" is just like... Laying his hand on random parts on me.. Not like full body cuddling or anything, just like a hand on my back or leg or shoulder. This makes me feel like he is nervous to touch me and also make me feel like its a forced thing. Which then annoys me and makes me want to push him away or tell him to stop even though ALL I WANT is to be near him and happy with it... \n\nWe've been talking about and trying to have a baby. We both know we'd be great parents, we have love for each other and we work well together, but can't really get the sex part accomplished. \n\nWe live with 2 other people both male roommates Dan [25/M] and Danny [27/M]... So my Husband and I tend to wait till \"bedtime\" to do anything sexual, cause we can't get frisky on the sofa with other people in our home. So we go to bed turn on the tv, and go to sleep. \n\nI want to have a meaningful connection to my Husband, but am not sure why I don't, and I'm not sure how to repair this. We tend to talk a lot about our issues, how we both feel, what our stresses are, what we would like to do in the future, we're very open... and this loneliness topic comes up a lot, but we are never able to really effect it in anyway. \n\nIts gotten to the point where we both get angry just even TRYING to talk about anything with each other, cause we've talked about it all before and nothing is different. We just keep having the same conversations over and over and nothing is changing. \n\n We need help.\n\n\nEDIT: \nAlso I feel like the roommates are a HUGE impact into my discontent with this relationship. They're always here, Never clean up after themselves, always forget to pay rent, make messes in the kitchen that I have to clean up, Can't remember what address they live at and continue to ask \"what apartment are we in?\", Like I dunno dude, open the door and look at the number. My husband has to deal with a lot of bitching from my end about these 2. He agrees but won't do anything about most of it. He can't even move away from them He wants to stay with them forever as roommates, even though we're thinking about having a child. He doesn't really want to have our OWN family home he wants us ALL to live in the same place. Which I get it.... its cheaper with more people, but also.... please no.\n\nHis mother has even offered to put a downpayment on a house for us if we ditch the roommates. I was like \"OMG HELL YES!\" and he was like \"Yeah... okay I guess.\" It's not been 2 weeks since his mother offered to help us move and he hasn't even brought it up to the roommates, and won't let me say anything because tensions are running high over my being annoyed at having to mother 3 grown ass men.", "answer": "see a therapist please; redditors not ideal for this complexity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5strmd", "comment_id": "ddhtjkr"}, {"question": "My boyfriend has slept with many women and used to visit strip clubs in the past. For some reason, this makes me incredibly insecure.", "description": "I know it's all in the past. We're both 26 and we've been together for almost a year. He's very sexual. Even before we started dating, other people would always joke about how he could hardly keep it in his pants and he joked along. We actually started as kind of friends with benefits, except I was the one who didn't want to have anything romantic, and he actually had feelings for me. Eventually, I fell for him.\n\nHis past has come up in more than one occasion. He disclosed a lot, just to be honest and so that I would learn from him and not from others. I know the past is the past, but the fact that he's slept with so many women and used to frequent strip clubs makes me feel very insecure.\n\nI know I don't look like them. Sadly, sometimes I'll fixate on a particular girl/situation he mentions and I start asking for details so that I can compare myself. I usually end up feeling worse. I feel so average and uninteresting. \n\nHe says I'm the best he's been with, and the girl he's felt the most attracted to, but this doesn't help. I just can't believe him. For example, he says he used to go to strip clubs as novelty, it was a phase and he generally found them boring. He says he didn't like how the strippers looked. That he prefers my body type. But I doubt it, I just can't believe him because the \"stripper look\" is usually regarded as ideal, all men rave about it, so it sounds like he's jut being nice.\n\nWith the overly sexualized media and having many male friends in common, there are lots of things that remind me of his past. I usually flip or start bickering with him. I know he gets annoyed, and I think that he genuinely must not care about those things now, but just knowing that he was the \"type of guy who likes strippers\" makes me ashamed of my own body and I feel inferior. I'm not trying to judge him or punish him, but I need him to understand why I feel like this. He's just so dismissive ie. \"baby that was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now\". And I know he's right. But I feel like he's just like he's washing his hands of what he did... I guess it upsets me because it feels like \"yes, I used to objectify women and look at perfect women for my pleasure, but what's done is done, so yeah, quit whining\". He's not mean about it at all... I just need him to understand just how insecure I feel. I usually fail miserably at trying to explain it.\n\nI don't know why I even do that, I know he can't do anything bout it now. But I fear he's just being nice and lying about not liking the stripper look, or that if he wasn't in love with me then he'd find them better looking. \n\nI know I gain nothing from this, especially comparing myself to others. How can I stop?\n\nAlso, while not directly related, it's relevant: I flip when we watch TV and overly sexualized women are shown (think music videos), or there are many sex scenes or simply naked women for the male gaze... for example, he's a huge GoT fan, but he says it's better we don't watch it together because there's a lot of nudity which will make me miserable. I don't get why I can't watch things like those without feeling bad, I just do, I can't help it :(", "answer": "Like uninvited house guests, we are subject to thoughts, but are also separate from them. Thoughts aren't easily controlled. The more you try not to think of something, the more you end up thinking about that thing usually. Rather than try to suppress, see about cultivating a bit of distance between you and your thoughts, and a bit of amusement even. You don't have to take them seriously, actually, and you don't need to let fears control what you do either, though you will have to endure their discomfort.\n\n", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "2ghrgl", "comment_id": "ckjowsz"}, {"question": "Looking for some advice regarding a FWB. [23/m] (21/f)", "description": "So, I met this girl through Tinder and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We went on a few dates early on and things were going well. Eventually we decided we should just be FWB. We prefaced it with agreeing not to catch feelings for each other and keep things simple. At the time I was excited about it and I never really asked for her reasoning as to why she wanted to keep things casual. Over the past couple of months I think I've started catching feelings for her, and I feel like it's being reciprocated by her but I'm struggling to tell if truly that or just wishful thinking. Either way, I feel like I fucked up. We're both going back to our respective colleges soon so If I want to pursue anything I need to make a move asap. I guess what I need some advice with is is it unfair to her for me to try and see where things go and tell her how I feel given what we said when we became FWB or should I just go for it? ", "answer": "go for it. no second chances in life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ur6g3", "comment_id": "dlusmdn"}, {"question": "Stigma", "description": "So I been noticing that people see people with BPD as This horrible person who's abusive and violent or lack of remorse? Umm wth? Not all people with BPD are even close to what you describe us. This is just people generalizing a group of people. I have BPD I've never in my life have done any drugs, Alcohol,smoke nor done violent crimes.\nI am a very caring,friendly person. I love to laugh be around animals and such. Overall I'm just a normal person like everyone one else. I do not like to see this spread of misinformation by people who aren't actual psychologist or psychiatrist. ", "answer": "Borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "9a4wph", "comment_id": "e4t8vma"}, {"question": "Was just prescribed cipro for kidney infection and worried about the crazy side effects.", "description": "I am a relatively healthy (27m, 180 lbs) white male that had a UTI advance to a kidney infection and was just prescribed Cipro. I have read up on it and it seems pretty dang scary. Permanently damaging tendonitis, neurological problems, detached retinas etc. I have pretty high health related anxiety. Just wanted some statistics to ease my mind or advice to stay away. Thanks! ", "answer": "You should worry more about an untreated kidney infection than the side effects from the antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "571qam", "comment_id": "d8p9n5z"}, {"question": "Why does everyone ask \u2018what's the cause\u2019?", "description": "It\u2019s a rhetorical question; I just need to get this off my chest and out of my head. \n\n\nWhen I reach out for help or open up to someone about my anxiety, I almost always end up being asked what\u2019s causing it. I know they mean well and are trying to understand, but I find it makes me feel more damaged because there often isn\u2019t a specific thing that I am anxious and crying about. I already feel like an idiot for crying over literally nothing, but I can\u2019t stop no matter what I try. I wish there was an identifiable reason that I could address, but there isn\u2019t, and trying to admit and explain that when I\u2019m already an emotional shipwreck makes it that much more painful.", "answer": "There's nothing wrong with saying you have general anxiety and you're not quite sure what's behind it all, but it's there. Everyone has anxiety and everyone has a breaking point of what's too much anxiety. Lets say on a scale of 1-10, 10 is the breaking point. Most folks probably walk around at about a 2 or 3. Folks with severe general anxiety start there day at about a 7-9. That makes it so that it may not take much to get you to that breaking point. \n\n\nThat's one way you could explain it, if you even want to. You don't really owe anyone an explanation unless you feel like it would be helpful to explain yourself. \n\n\nJust an fyi though, for most folks with general anxiety, it's usually a combination of both genetic predispositions to being more anxious in general along with some deep psychological \"reasons\" whether it be certain thought patterns, lack of healthy coping skills, too much avoidance behaviors throughout life, etc. so if you do want to get better, therapy can help you figure this out and work towards recovering.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993tuk", "comment_id": "e4krgvu"}, {"question": "Zoloft/sertraline question", "description": "Hi all, ive been on sertraline for 5 yrs. I'm on 100mg. I need to up my dose, my anxiety has been the worst its ever been. My question is: can I cut a 50mg tablet into quarters? I want to up to 125mg, but every time ive tried the side effects have been too much for me. Could I cut 25mg in half, and take that for a week or to to ease myself up? Or how should I do this? I dont want to get addicted to xanax :( thanks in advance everyone", "answer": "You probably shouldn't be doing this on your own. Talk to your doctor. Sertraline tablets can be cut in half, though, and it also comes in a liquid form if you want extremely fine control over dosing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5wc6", "comment_id": "e0wtnoo"}, {"question": "I need some helpful advice/insight, please.", "description": "Myself (20 M) and my ex (20 M) has been messaging me quite a bit lately, and it has been escalating quite a bit. He broke up with me 7 months ago because he had tons of family issues, and caused him very bad stress so he ended the relationship. I was devastated and chose to try to move on, but two months ago he starting talking to me. \n\nI'm a very nice person and I can't pull myself to ignore anyone so I sent a few texts back, and a few texts a day has turned into tons of texting for over a month straight. He recently told me that he wants me back, and he is sorry for ending things, but the catch is I just don't think I am ever be with him because I don't trust him. I do have feelings, but I know if I date him and have no trust it will burn down.\n\nI'm asking if I should go back and try to rebuild that trust, or let him down? I'm really 50/50 and it's driving me a little crazy lol. \n\ntl;dr\n\nShould I give my ex a chance, or decline his offer to reconcile? ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60zwfp", "comment_id": "dfat5hv"}, {"question": "Zoloft Rx Question", "description": "I was on 80mg Prozac and was still having extreme anxiety and ocd tendencies so my doc changed me over to Zoloft 150mg. I\u2019ve been on it one week. I\u2019m also in cognitive behavioral therapy so I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s either or but I\u2019m starting to notice when I start picking my skin and actively tell myself to stop, I\u2019m noticing when I grind my teeth and actively tell myself to stop. These are like huge things for me. I\u2019m a real bad skin picker especially my face cuz I have bad acne. Whether I\u2019m in public or not I pick. And I\u2019ve wanted to stop for so long and just couldn\u2019t mentally do it. I would inevitably do it absentmindedly and realize it after I\u2019ve done made myself bleed. I haven\u2019t really delved deep in cbt with skin picking but with how I treat myself. And how I talk to myself lol. \n\nMy question is will it get to where I won\u2019t touch my face at all? I won\u2019t start gritting or grinding my teeth period? I\u2019m thinking the meds are doing it more than cbt at this point, but just curious if I\u2019ll stop these things all together. Like I said only a week on it. ", "answer": "It might get there, and it might not. Hopefully the former!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mjqae", "comment_id": "e7f57mf"}, {"question": "Empty feeling", "description": "I\u2019ve been feel lost for the better part of three years now, I feel like I\u2019m searching for something. Almost like I\u2019m missing something and I can\u2019t quite understand what it is that I\u2019m missing. \nSome days I feel like there\u2019s something that maybe needs to come out or be revealed to me but I just can\u2019t see exactly what it is? \nDoes anyone else have this feeling? \nAnd if so what helped alleviate the feeling? ", "answer": "Have you considered seeing a therapist to sort out these thoughts and feelings?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7wbuk2", "comment_id": "dtzea0c"}, {"question": "Need advice! Our medical providers won't help. Reaction to Acyclovir", "description": "Sixteen-year-old female, 5'2, 120lbs, Caucasian in U.S. She has PCOS, Hypopituitarism, auto immune psoriasis. She takes Metformin 500, Synthroid 50 mcg, birth control pills were added recently to replace hormones she is not producing.\n\nLast week I took her to a doctor for a recurrent rash on her lips and around her mouth, and swollen lips. She has been getting this on and off for her entire life but it has gotten worse over the years. The doctor decided it was cold sores and prescribed Acyclovir. After a week of treatment there was no improvement. We returned to the doctor. He prescribed the Acyclovir again. Within 24 hours she was having black diarrhea. She feels nauseated, dizzy, weak, and cold. Her cheeks became hot and red last night and she ran a low grade fever for a few hours. She is no longer taking the medication! I called the ER to ask if this is a medical emergency. They wouldn't tell me much due to policy so the person I spoke to basically answered my questions in riddle form. From the vague riddle like response I ascertained that it was not an emergency and that I should call the doctor that prescribed the meds. I called the prescribing doctor's office and they only told me that they won't tell me anything and that the ER is our only option. So now I don't know what to do. If we go to the ER we will be in the waiting room for a minimum of 3 hours and this may not be serious. I would have to wait until my husband comes home from work this evening to go anyway because I have a toddler and a baby. I will be worrying in the meantime. I may call a pharmacist since they seem to be the only people willing to give accurate, rational, medical advice over a phone. I really need a straight answer.", "answer": "If it's a chronic condition, has it previously been put down to cold sores and managed with acyclovir?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531y3y", "comment_id": "d7p81f5"}, {"question": "Started intensive therapy today ..", "description": "Today I began intensive therapy with a BPD specialist. We\u2019re starting with sessions at twice a week, until I somewhat stabilize. \n\nBefore I walked into the appointment, I made a commitment to stop lying and downplaying my emotions to therapists. I want, and have wanted help but have consistently put guards up for any mental health professionals. This largely stems from mistreatment, and a horrific long-term psychiatric hospitalization. I told this to my new therapist, and she confirmed what I already suspected: my long term psychiatrist committed some severe medical malpractice. Nice to have that validated, honestly. \n\nWhen I stared talking to my new therapist, I could not stop. At first I thought, the floodgates are open, but it wasn\u2019t floodgates: it was my heart cracking open, releasing stuff I\u2019ve internalized and held onto for so many years. \n\nI\u2019m hopeful with this therapist. From what I gathered from the first session, she is sincere and nonjudgmental. Most importantly, she is already refuting my deepest fear: she will not commit me, in fact she said it\u2019ll objectively make me worse. \n\nI know the work needs to come from within, and I\u2019m finally feeling willing to do that. I have put off my recovery for so long, and am ready to heal, before I destroy myself or any further relationships. ", "answer": "It ain't your therapist doing the work here. You just took yourself back. Vulnerability will set you free once you realize there are safe people to be vulnerable with. Let the validation storm begin!! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9f2e44", "comment_id": "e5ti6r6"}, {"question": "Is my therapist a bad one? TW self-harm", "description": "I'm 24. I have OCD, anxiety, and seasonal depression that makes summers horrible. I've been in therapy a lot. A little over a year ago I got a new therapist. He's really nice and he's been helping me find myself and live accurately as male (I'm ftm). He's really helpful there, and he specializes (or says he does) in OCD, anxiety, trauma and depression. But he hasn't been very helpful in these areas. \nHe's usually late and he usually ends the sessions early. He also talks a lot and goes off on tangents. He's told me a lot of stories about himself that I'm not quite sure how they fit in, and sometimes he assumes he knows what I'm feeling even though I didn't get the chance to explain to him yet (usually becuase he's talking). He also talks a lot about other people which makes me nervous because I wonder if he talks about me. He's very defensive and he likes to use super obscure words and sometimes he doesn't explain what they mean when I ask. He also asks these questions that I never have any idea how to answer. It's like he's looking for me to say a specific word but a lot of times I have trouble following him and I never know which specific word he's looking for. I'm always a little confused because we'll be talking and laughing and all and then I'll leave his office and feel super depressed. But that's not all the time, every once in a while I'll leave feeling really good. But usually I leave feeling confused. My biggest problem with him is that I've done some self-harm in the past, and this summer I've been struggling with that. However, the way I hurt myself isn't a very typical way I guess. It took me like three years to believe myself that I was hurting myself, and I was very proud of myself for finally accepting that it was obviously hurting me and that I was doing it deliberately out of self-hate and a desire to be hurt. I told my therapist and he didn't seem to believe me. He keeps referring to the \"typical\" ways people harm themselves. He's even asked me some questions about it that I thought were very inappropriate and irrelevant. (He also asked me if I was a top or a bottom??? We're both gay). Over this week I did something and I have no idea how to feel about it, but I feel too afraid to tell him because I'm afraid he'll think I'm childish or he'll judge me. He kind of makes me feel like I'm just trying to get attention all the time, but I also feel like nothing I feel is worth his attention. \nI know that a therapist-patient relationship is a RELATIONSHIP and it takes both of us to come together and get work done. It just feels like I have no power over this relationship...but maybe I'm just too intimidated by him. I've had other therapists before but I didn't have any trouble opening up and being honest with them. Is he a bad therapist, or am I just bad at communicating? \nAnyway thanks for listening", "answer": "It's really tough to say if the dude is a bad therapist just from the things that you've posted without more context, but it does look fairly clear that he's not a good therapist for YOU. I tell folks whether they're seeing me or seeing my supervisees, if you don't feel like there's a good connection after 3 sessions or so, look to make a change. Shop around until you get a therapist you feel comfortable with and feel like you're going to be able to make steady progress towards some clear goals. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993oga", "comment_id": "e4kr08s"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Lamictal has become an increasingly popular med for the treatment of bipolar disorder, as well as seizure disorders. It's an anti-epilectic/anticonvulsant with mood stabilizing properties. Off-label usage may be used for depression, as well as migraines. I briefly took it for migraines, but I experienced wicked insomnia, so discontinued right away. It may put others to sleep, increase dreams, like the other poster mentioned, but listen to the experiences of others with a grain of salt, not because other experiences aren't valid, but because you may have a different response. I never made it to my therapeutic dosage, which is what most positive outcomes indicate as most effective. Some people love it, some may not. Everyone is different.\n\nIf you did your research on lamictal, I imagine you came across an important side effect to keep an eye out for during the first month or so of treatment. It's essentially a rash that is called Stevens\u2013Johnson Syndrome (SJS). The probability of you developing the rash is extremely low, but it can be really serious (requiring medical intervention), so it's just something to keep an eye on. Hopefully your doc mentioned this to you. If you do happen to notice a rash (google images of it), it is advised to discontinue the med right away and contact your doctor. \n\nI really hope I didn't overload you with information you didn't want to hear, but it is important to know. It's a great drug, and I hope it works out for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "elkysi", "comment_id": "fdiojsa"}, {"question": "21M, neurologist diagnosed pseudodementia which is often confused with true neurological dementia", "description": "21M 5'8\" 150lb Caucasian, Symptoms= memory loss & cognitive difficulties, heat intolerance, erectile dysfunction.\n\nSo 5 years ago I entered the hospital for the first time with complaints of memory loss and cognitive complaints, and since it has definetely become debilitating I am no longer able to work or study in college,I am gradually withdrawing from all aspects of my life in the past months I spend all my time indoors at my parents house.\n\nI went to one of the most qualified neurologists at the hospital and explained my symptoms, the neurologist went into very in depth explanation about Apathy and dementia. She explained that people with neurological disorders become apathetic, and lose interest in all activities because they have difficulty figuring out how to do an activity and lose motivation. So she recommended to my mom that I need to start more activities and make a schedule of daily goal oriented activities for my brain, which is what people with real dementia get recommended.\n\nThe problem is... well it's not pseudodementia the neurologist even said that I should be able to improve if I begin antidepressants and goal oriented activities daily, but I have been continuing to get worse very very consistently.\n\nI never get better every month there is a consistent deterioration in my symptoms there has never been an improvement it is completely real dementia and it is what I have known for years now.\n\nI have a real completely real neurological disorder for example= multiple sclerosis(just an example I can't know which disorder I have).\n\nI highly suspect multiple sclerosis because I have many symptoms which are common in MS, heat intolerance, memory problems, irritated vision", "answer": "The odds of having dementia in your twenties, regardless of the type of dementia, are minuscule. MS doesn't have highly classic symptoms because of its variability, but what you describe isn't a classic presentation, and in fact what would be expected is usually symptoms that appear and disappear.\n\nYou don't mention any diagnostic workup or any medications tried. What has been done about this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e60yqd", "comment_id": "f9nb6n2"}, {"question": "Looking for a therapist in the LA area, any recommendations?", "description": "Hey guys. I moved to LA about a month an a half ago. I'm going through that \"I just graduated College and don't know what to do with myself\" phase and my BF and I just broke up because he's moving back to said college for two more years. I'm working freelance in a very difficult industry and the work is running dry lately. It's been a very difficult time and making friends I can confide in is hard to do. I don't want to keep crying to them for fear it will push them all away. \n\nI'm just suffering a bout of mild depression. I'm new to the area and had an awesome therapist in the past in a different town who helped me ease back into being my old self (I already called for a recommendation, but no such luck). I'm looking for a therapist who is patient and kind, not one who's too busy writing their own book or something to care. \n\nMore specifically, I'm in the mid-wilshire area. \nPlease let me know!! Thanks :) ", "answer": "I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) currently on the east coast, but most people in the field recommend [Psychology Today's Therapist Finder](http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/CA/Los+Angeles.html). Obviously I'm biased towards my own field, but MFTs are some of the best trained therapists, especially regarding relational issues (and despite our title we see plenty of individuals, too!) My advice is to look for a therapist with an LMFT credential (licensed Marriage and Family Therapist). Lucky for you CA has some of the most stringent licensing requirements so generally speaking you've got some good people out there!\n\nMy other advice is to shop around for a therapist like you would a car. An important piece of what we do is rooted in the education we receive, however an equally important piece of successful therapy (and the research supports this) is the relationship the client is able to form with their therapist. Make a few appointments and go with who you are able to connect most with, and feel comfortable opening up to.\n\nThe information you provided is really, really helpful. Be sure to share it with your therapist, to the degree that you're comfortable. Best of luck! Feel free to PM me with any questions.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "zcq69", "comment_id": "c63m5q8"}, {"question": "Divorce, tricky situation and more.", "description": "I've never posed on this site before so here goes, I heard good advice happens here so why not.\n\nLong story short, I met a girl who was around 8-9 months into a divorce, her friends and my friends wanted us to get to know each other, mind you I was treading carefully, a girl coming off separation at a young age.\n\n Anyway we hit it off like no tomorrow. One thing lead to an other, for e.g we just acted like a couple naturally, we kept it on the hush hush because of her divorce papers. \n\nShe liked me I liked her, then the up and downs started which I understood from her side, she still might be recovering and so on.\nBut then she took it up a level, \n\nShe was saying how much I meant to her, how much she's into me, she met my family etc etc. \n\nShe told her friends how well I treat her, like no one ever has before. \n\nHer friend told me she's in denial that she liked me hence the pushing away and pulling me closer sorta thing. \n\nIt obviously crossed my mind that this girl maybe was using me as a rebound, we spoke about it calmly, she insisted I wasn't, \n\nShe dropped the I love you, I was so confused by now because she went from \n\" I'm emotionally not there \" to \n\" you're amazing and you make me feel so beautiful \"\n\nNext thing you know we argued, it was a mess it eventually turned into a break,\nI asked her what she wanted and she said no I don't have feelings, she went all strange I told her well maybe you just wanted the love making and that's all, it wasn't just that she said.\n\nIt really messed with my head so I had no choice, I thanked her for everything told her since you've changed your mind just delete my details and move on. She's 25, I'm 26\n\nI tried asking her in so many ways what she really wanted I guess she didn't know it herself. It's a shame too, good girl and we bonded so good. We stayed loyal to each other as well. \n\nAny thoughts? I got played maybe? She got scared and ran off? Maybe just not that interested in me? Wanted to commit but couldn't?? Didn't want to fall again so quick but did?\n\nGod I miss her but my head is telling me no no. We haven't spoken in nearly 3 weeks.\n", "answer": "Don't waste time trying to figure out what's in someone else's head. 90% of the time, THEY don't even know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s8b7l", "comment_id": "ddd41sy"}, {"question": "I just killed my cat. Now I want to kill myself.", "description": "Our cat was 16; he hadn\u2019t eaten for a few days so I chopped him some meat and tried to feed it to him like a pill. It lodged in his throat and I couldn\u2019t get it out and when we got to the vets there was nothing they could do and I just... I never meant for that to happen. I didn\u2019t mean to. I hate myself and I want to kill myself. I don\u2019t know what to do.", "answer": "Can you call someone? And not be alone right now? ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8lc5u1", "comment_id": "dzeg7nd"}, {"question": "My lady friend is back after 5 months aboard.", "description": "So my lady friend is back after being abroad for 5 months and I am very happy. I missed her while she was away more than I care to admit. We got brunch today and we talked for hours. It was very nice and I feel very happy. \n\nThat is all. I know this isn't the usual offmychest post but I'm so happy I just have to tell someone. \nIt's very nice.", "answer": "I'm on the same boat. 3 more months until I see her again! I can't wait! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "49kpme", "comment_id": "d0th2c0"}, {"question": "Was given intravenous sedative to put me to sleep before my endoscopic exam--what was it?", "description": "Male, 27, 80kg, no spectacular health conditions, no medication. It was a routine checkup. \n\nBefore I knew it I was awake and the exam had finished. What was it?", "answer": "Usually propofol. Sometimes benzos like midazolam, I believe. I am not an anesthesiologist or a GI doc, so I'm just conveying what I've picked up by hanging out with the wrong crowd.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9d1iea", "comment_id": "e5er0aj"}, {"question": "I find myself overstimulated by Reddit and at times checking it compulsively over and over again until my head starts to feel weird. Is this something other people have experienced, if so, can you share your experience? Any tips?", "description": "Usually when I am very bored. I find myself on Reddit and it's hard to get out of that loop of checking and re-checking.", "answer": "Totally do this ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "abztvb", "comment_id": "ed4azpr"}, {"question": "Newly married and already want a divorce help :(", "description": "We are married 2 weeks now.\nI am sleeping in the couch at the moment, and we argue almost every day.\nWe just started as a couple and live at my parents house and they moved to another.When the movement was gone there was an arguement between inlaws.My mil told my mother she was very \"cheapy\" and didnt leave anything good at us cause she was taking the silver forks from her old house and my mother told her at least I gave them a house you gave them nothing...(we were not even there)\nInlaws not talking anymore and we have frozen our relationship bothways.\nThis was a trigger at my relationship for constant arguements.\nAnyway we got married and after the ceremony my MIL persued my wife that she sould come at our house with us to help her undress...\nI learned it the moment we were going home after the wedding and she was waiting us at our home.\nShe undressed her and I argued with my wife the very first night of our wedding.\nAt our honeymoon we were ok till we got back.\nNow my wife wants to move to a rental cause of the arguement caused by the inlaws.\nShe wants a new car cause her father advised her that the one we own will not last long.\nLast but not least to change everything in our house.\nMy finances cant afford all of these together and I live in a country (Greece) that banks wont give us any loans..\nI am in a very difficult spot here and thinking of getting a divorce.\nMy wife cant understand when I tell her that his mother is toxic manipulating and likes drama (not with the exact words but you get the point).\nI took my responsibility of my mothers stupid words but I cant always blame myself and parents.I would like to see it bothways.\nAnyway thanks for reading my drama story and sorry for my English.", "answer": "go for counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73wg51", "comment_id": "dntqfkk"}, {"question": "Websites for remote work for people with disabilities?", "description": "Are there any websites that advertise remote work that encourage people with disabilities to apply or focus on that?", "answer": "[Chronically Capable](https://www.wearecapable.org/)", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "eatak9", "comment_id": "faylwuj"}, {"question": "Need advice", "description": "I am falling for this girl that I have been talking to as friends for some time. She has a significant other. She is a mother. But her and this significant other are having some extremely hard times at the moment. Do I tell her how I feel or keep my comments to myself? ", "answer": "let her situation play out first", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pk0oz", "comment_id": "dcrprm9"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "You have a responsibility to choose for your own development, even if that means feeling like you let your parents and siblings down. You are not responsible for your parent's relationship or house. They seem not to be taking the necessary steps to work on the issues, until they do, they have no right to burden you with their issues and responsibilities like this.\nI'd advise you to get help to live by yourself and become financially independent. Medication and therapy can help but not replace this as long as it's not a team effort. \nDon't be your parent's therapist, troubleshooter, etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hct6zd", "comment_id": "fvilb4l"}, {"question": "I need some advice.. or an opinion. I feel stupid even asking..", "description": "I've been dating a guy for 4 months. It was going extremely well, we spoke all day every day over text and saw slept over at least twice a week. Last time I saw him, everything was great. Holding hands, being affectionate in public. Then 3 days later out of nowhere I get \"Im not ready to be serious, I think we should stop seeing each other\" followed by the \"oh I think you're amazing but im just not ready\". Obviously this sent me into a panic, was it me? Was I not pretty enough for him? Did I do or didnt do something? Anyway...fast forward a week of crying and feeling down, I woke up to a text from him \"Dreamt about you, hope you're well\". What am I supposed to do with that? Im beyond confused, is he just genuinely letting me know or could it be something more? I'm pretty clouded with judgement as all I want to do is be back with him and I am trying not to read too much into a text. Any advice would be so helpful. BTW I am a 24yr old F and he is 27 ", "answer": "I would take him at his word that he doesn't want to be serious. Don't take it personally. It's not you. His dream text just means that he wouldn't mind fwb.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tjmu", "comment_id": "dn5ubk0"}, {"question": "How do I (40yr/f) stay sexually interested in partner in long-term relationship/ marriage (40 yr/m)?", "description": "So I noticed that so many of my girl friends seem to be uninterested in sex with their husbands. Since I have starting taking the pill, I also have had a significant reduction in my own sex drive. Being of a therapy/coaching background myself, I know a lot of the classic tips. Does anyone have any suggestions for what has worked for them? I am also debating if I should stop the pill..Thanks!", "answer": "for starters, you accept the fact that NOTHING is like NEW. life is a trade off. you can have 'new' every night, or familiar for life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zy4qb", "comment_id": "df20y74"}, {"question": "I need some encouragement and vent out right now.", "description": "My highest streak was 70 days and things were going amazingly well. However, living with parents, being addicted to video games has kept me in a loop where I am now constantly relapsing. I know what I need to do but breaking the first week or two is hard as fuck.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI strive to not fap but I always fall in a loop where I get bored and lonely and crave that dopamine fix. I'm stuck in a mindset where I'm smoking 24/7, fapping, and playing video games and I feel like such a loser. I can't go out because I have high anxiety from fapping and staying at home always leads to relapses. God damn it, I need to find a way to make this easier.", "answer": "That's tough man. What kind of goals and desires do you have? It's essential to have something good to fill the hole we leave by stopping a bad", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bn3nme", "comment_id": "en21dj2"}, {"question": "Should I add her on Facebook?", "description": "There is this girl in my uni classes that I'm kinda interested in and she also went to my school, but we never talked. I want to come up to her and initiate a conversation, but there's never a good moment, and it's been like this for almost two months. Either she is in class or out with her friend. I also know her facebook, because she went to my school and we have mutual friends. Should I add her on facebook and message her and say that she got recommended to me as a friend? Or would it be weird, given that we never spoke a word to each other?", "answer": "If I were in your shoes I would avoid it. This may be my age coming out here (facebook was just getting started when I was in college) but if you want to have a legitimate chance of either being friends or dating I'd avoid it and try to find a chance to at least have some type of conversation/s, no matter how superficial, then go for the friend request later. \n\n\nFriending someone on social media or sending messages via the internet prior to actually having any real life social contact can really give off a stalker vibe, which I'd assume you don't want as a first impression. \n\n\nWhat's stopping you from walking up to her when you see her around campus, with her friend or not, and asking a question about class and following up with asking her about any events, parties, other things going on on-campus. \"Hey, I didn't write down when the assignment was due. Do you remember?\" or \"Hey have you heard anything about (insert on campus event). What do you think about it?\"\n\n\nPlaying dumb and asking questions is a great way to initiate social interactions. I probably feel the most comfortable talking to strangers when traveling/visiting somewhere I haven't been because I actually have a legitimate reason to ask folks questions. \n\n\nHope this helps!\n\n[-The Webshrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9exm0p", "comment_id": "e5saww6"}, {"question": "Does the emotional impulsivity get better with meds?", "description": "I have a huge problem with \"latching on\" to whatever emotion I'm feeling and acting on it. It's usually harmless but annoying, especially to other people. It can manifest itself as droning on and on about something that I care about, or \"jumping ahead\" in a conversation because I know where I want the convo to go and I just do it.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIt becomes a problem when the emotions are strong and concern someone else. A breakup for example. Or trying to ask someone out and texting a long paragraph about when and schedules and what we can do (when all I got was a \"yeah we should hang out sometime\").\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo, endearing if not a little bit annoying at the least, but detrimental to my relationships and friendships at the most.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nWhat's everyone's experience with this?", "answer": "I have just been on meds a few weeks. Normally I am very irritable and emotionally reactive and prone to lashing out at my husband now and then. Since starting Ritalin, I still experience some irritability or moodiness at times but feel much better able to manage the feelings without lashing out.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aeksc4", "comment_id": "edq58vz"}, {"question": "Posted some shit comments, people tore me down.", "description": "Made some shit comments about my disdain for those who commit suicide. It's like I think about that shit daily. I hate myself most days but I can't pass my pain on to my daughter. I'm a mess. \n\nBack to the subject I think suicide is a cowards way out. See I say this because if I make it acceptable in my mind then I'll probably actually do it. \n\nPeople didn't see that. They replied that I was being harsh and judgemental about a person's life I know nothing of. That because I don't feel it's a good thing to do ever, that I'm insensitive to people's issues.\n\nI'm so fucking broken in my own mind. I thrive on attention seeking and acceptance. So when you make suicide get attention and acceptance it makes it sound more doable. I hate myself because someone didn't get my point. I am depressed now because it feel like an asshole. When really, I just don't want suicide to be somewhat glorified. \n\nFuck I feel like all of my thoughts suck. My mind is like this is why you have no friends. Your stories suck, your ideas suck and what you say sucks. I should just die because I suck at being a person. I can't be a good person if I just bash illnesses I have. Fuck. I feel terrible. Going to sleep. ", "answer": "Lots of people think they have an \"opinion\" on suicide, but often the opinion is actually their feelings at the time not their actual, unbiased, long term goals. BPD is extremely compromising in terms of ability to see forward and see different emotional futures. Suicide is not necessarily a cowardly act but it is a very short sighted and reactive act that never ends with success. When people who survived jumping suicides were asked, over 90% said they regretted it immediately and wished they hadn't and everyone was glad they survived. Suicide is a very validating thought, but a horribly invalidating action. You were absolutely right to call people out for glorifying it or validating it as a way to deal. But people are going to hate on you for it because of what they are feeling at the time. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6on9mh", "comment_id": "dkiweq3"}, {"question": "Any suggestions for childhood trauma countering?", "description": "I\u2019m the aunt of two adorable and brilliant kiddos aged 4 & 3. As far back as I can remember my sister, their mother, has had extreme social/ behavioral issues. Her behavior includes weekly tantrums where she threatens (sometimes physically acts on the threats), verbally abuses, and has manipulate recollections of events to skew favor. Their father unfortunately is the same. He has caused my sister to get evicted from 2 homes bc he beats her and threatens neighbors. As far as I can think she\u2019s always been incredibly malicious and demented when in this state. Though when she\u2019s not acting out she\u2019s incredibly sweet and personable. She\u2019s almost 30 and I don\u2019t have space or energy for her anymore. My concern is with my niece and nephew. I fear the trauma they witness daily will negatively impact them. Not only will it impact their perception of reality but they\u2019ll be affected academically, socially, etc...They are already portraying signs of excessive aggression and manipulation. When the younger one gets happy he curses and hits things. When he\u2019s angry he spits and lunges for attack. When his older sister wants something she smiles, says \u201cI love you...can I ____?\u201d I tried to explain she doesn\u2019t have to do that but imagine being told one thing and experiencing another. I lived with my sister before moving out, I know how stressful and damaging it is. I feel so upset seeing them have to deal with her but it\u2019s like nothing my family or I do can properly counter it.\n\n*Shes been hospitalized 3x before due to her behavior- she doesn\u2019t get a proper diagnosis for retention.\n*Child protective services has been called before and my sister proceeded to slip into the kind homemaker role throwing them off the trail.\n*We (the family) don\u2019t want the kids to be taken and put into a facility bc no one is in a position to properly care for them. -too old/ too young/ or out of state for career.\n*What I\u2019ve mentioned is nothing compared to her true behavior...she\u2019s dangerous and I want to know how to counter her influence until I can make a solid plan or atleast spend more time with them.", "answer": "The absolute best thing for most kids in this situation is to be supportive of their parents. For example, studies have found better outcomes when parents receive help than when kids are taken away .\n\nInstead of framing your sister as manipulative , how about framing her as a person in an abusive relationship, with mental illness who needs support to parent ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hd9skj", "comment_id": "fvjwar7"}, {"question": "Why do medical professionals dismiss/discredit the use of herbal remedies?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": ">Also, a lot of modern medicine has chemical compounds that were originally plant\\-derived.\n\nOr, to quote Tim Minchin:\n\n>By definition, alternative medicine has either not been proved to work or been proved not to work. Do you know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work? Medicine.\n\nThat process does occur, and that doesn't mean that herbal remedies can't work. Yes, there are perverse financial barriers to studying remedies that can't be patented and marketed. But there's also plenty of fervent touting of cures that have no evidence behind them. And there is also potential for harm or interaction, sometimes serious, as in the cases of failure of HAART \\(treatment for HIV/AIDS\\) because of those medications' interactions with St John's wort.\n\nThere is some amount of simple lag, where research supports something but the medical field is slow on the uptake. But there's also a way that we are conservative: if we don't know something works, or is even safe, with rigorous evidence we tend to steer people away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g3p7g", "comment_id": "dy8o5rk"}, {"question": "Conversations running stale, don't know what to do", "description": "So here' she thing, I've been talking to some girls on Tinder and things have been going good. I've been traveling a lot lately so meeting up isn't easy right now and I'm trying to keep things running until there is a possibility to meet up.\n\nThe thing is, the first bit on tinder isn't that hard for me and in this stage I was able to keep this girl engaged and we were just getting to know each other. We had a really fun conversation, so far so good!\n\nHowever, now comes the hard part. I've been talking to her on tinder for about two weeks and have finally acquired her number, but now the conversation seems to get stale. I don't really know what to talk about anymore and for the last two days we've had less contact and the conversation was more about mundane day to day stuff, not really that engaging or fun. She doesn't start the conversation anymore and i don't know how to start having a fun conversation again just like we had on Tinder. The basic intro's like 'how was your day' after not having talked to her for more than a day just feel like me being boring and not really moving the conversation forward.\n\nShe seems really interesting and I would really like to meet up with her but right I'm worried I'm losing her interest by being boring.", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that you might find helpful :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4dm2iv", "comment_id": "d1s8i9y"}, {"question": "Anyone else have dreams of accidentally drinking?", "description": "I've had two now where I'll be walking around in a dream, sipping on alcohol and then suddenly realize what I'm doing, freak out, wonder if I have to reset my badge because I mindlessly took a few sips of booze because I forgot I decided to quit drinking. \n\nHappened this morning and I woke up in a cold sweat.", "answer": "Many times, I've dreamt of relapse and woken up terrified. I think the reaction we have to it is a good indicator of where we are with sobriety though.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i0i20", "comment_id": "cazv6qj"}, {"question": "Is this potentially an auditory hallucination?", "description": "Hello, I\u2019m a 24 year old white female. I have a history of Hashimoto\u2019s disease and PCOS. My medications are Metformin, Topamax, Birth Control, Synthroid, and Cymbalta.\n\nI have been noticing recently that I hear what sounds like a TV announcer (think news station or baseball game announcer) whenever I hear white noise. I say I have noticed it more recently, however it took moving out of my parents house to realize that I must have been hearing it for several years. When I would be home alone at their house, I just assumed someone left the TV on. \n\nIt has now escalated to the point that I thought my boyfriend was watching a video we like, that I texted him about it. He was not watching it, but I definitely *heard* it clear as day. For reference, my birth mom, and grandmother both suffered from severe schizophrenia. Should I be concerned? So far the voices I hear don\u2019t say anything distinctly, except for the one about the video, and they have never said anything *to* me. \n\nHelp!", "answer": "You mentioned that it is linked to white noise - it is that you are hearing sounds when there is no sound, or that you are misinterpreting vague sounds that you are hearing? One is a hallucination and the other is an illusion. \n\nHallucinations can happen for all sorts of reasons - schizophrenia certainly involves more symptoms than just hallucinations. While your family history does confer more risk than the general population, I wouldn\u2019t necessarily jump to conclusions. \n\nIt would be a good idea to speak to your doctor though - it\u2019s something that at least should be monitored. For some folks, they have a period of symptoms like this and it goes away on its own, and for some folks it develops further. Most important thing is to keep an eye on it. \n\nYou also didn\u2019t mention substance use, but if you do have concerns about developing schizophrenia, one of the best ways to lower your risk is to abstain, particularly from substances that produce psychosis.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gycvd1", "comment_id": "ftao3j6"}, {"question": "If you were also suffering from depression when you were diagnosed, what treatment was offered, and did it also relieve you of your depression?", "description": "I ask this because I believe my depression to be a consequence of living with ADHD for so long. I would love to gain some insight from those of you that have been there.", "answer": "I'm currently battling through it myself. I was in graduate school at the time, finally went to a campus health MD at my friends' urging. She diagnosed me with depression and ADHD and, after about a year, found a mix of medications that helped me a lot. A lot a lot. Unfortunately, that was also right around the time when I lost insurance.\n\nI've started going to a nurse practitioner again but she is very cautious about prescribing medications (due to the possible interactions between antidepressants and stimulants). It's very frustrating to me and she actually just took me off of my Paxil and replaced it with Adderall; she thinks that I'm depressed because of the ADHD.\n\nSo, all of that to say that I may feem similarly to you. You're not alone.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2f5jey", "comment_id": "ck69m6q"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom. It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\" \n \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\" - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do. \n \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on? These comments are HORRENDOUS. But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "cctaahu"}, {"question": "i swear to god if there's an afterlife i'm gonna be so pissed", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": " See and here I\u2019m hoping there will be one because that\u2019s my only chance of ever seeing my beloved baby again", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "ckuqxj", "comment_id": "evt1zgv"}, {"question": "Love GF[Both 21] Don't want to be in a relationship", "description": "I know she will hate me for breaking up with her. I've felt this way for around 6 months now and we have been going about 2 years. What do I do?\n\n\nHas anyone been in the same boat?", "answer": "Why do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? Is it the relationship itself? Did something happen (cheating, sudden loss, another big issue or stressor)? What about the relationship is bothering you? Are you still in love with your girlfriend or do you have feelings of love and caring towards her? There is definitely a difference between the two.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1dj0w6", "comment_id": "c9qrz1g"}, {"question": "Me[22M] and a girl [21F] were about to starting dating when one of her friends [20M] got involved", "description": "So me and this girl I met at the university were about to start dating, we have been talking for months now and after 2 dates we finally told each other we were in love and we were ready to start dating.\n\nLast Saturday, her best friend asked for help with his girlfriend and took my friend at night to an abandoned house where he tried to have sex with her. My friend came home crying, saying she wanted to be with me and that she wish she didn't go but didn't tell me exactly what happened there. I started panicking cause she sounded like she was raped by him. The day after I pressured her to tell me what happened and she assured me he didn't force her to have sex with him but that he intended to. She then promised to stay away from him when we start dating, I thanked her for that due to my last relationship ending due to something similar.\n\nYesterday we met and she told me she didn't understand why I was so happy that she made that promise and that things wouldn't work between us cause I pressured her to know what happened and that I didn't trust her.\n\nIs it me I'm wrong? Like I just was scared that he had raped her and was worried about her, she sounded very different from what is usual when she got home that night. She blames me for all this and says that she always took me as someone who made her happy and not wanting to take happiness away from her. Should I keep trying? \n\nTldr: me and a girl were about to start a relationship when a friend of hers tried to have sex with her, I pressured to know what happened cause I feared rape and now she says she doesn't think we'll work out.", "answer": "Don't pressure people to tell you things just cause you're scared. \n\nIf she was assaulted, you make her feel more attacked. If she wasn't, you turn a close call into a crisis.\n\nJesus Christ. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4gbc", "comment_id": "dhbqhap"}, {"question": "A new Bio", "description": "So long over due. Alcohol has been my constant companion for 47 years. (Since 10 years old). It has preoccupied every aspect of my life. My companion turned me in to a finely tuned,high functioning alcoholic. Good times, bad times, in a group or alone. It was always time for a drink. It was never time to stop. \n My true companion, my wife has loved me and put up with my constant companion for 37 years. I've never been abusive in any way. We raised two sons that have turned into very good men.\n I've been sober nearly 100 days now. Since my son and pregnant daughter in-law saw me black out and hit my head late one evening after a day of vodka, then gin. (Told you I was a Finley tuned machine). The wife was out of town.\n The new Bio: I welcomed in to the world today, my first Grandchild. A beautiful baby girl. What an incentive to stay my course. I want her mother to know that she will always be looked after at our house. I want my wife to know the other companion is gone. \n I never want my baby girl to know a drunk Grandpa \n I wrote this so I can look back and remember this day. Thanks if you made it through the whole ramble. If it helps anyone, all the better\n IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Great. What a gift a sober grand dad will be ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9eue23", "comment_id": "e5rxw9l"}, {"question": "Terrified of seizure", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Going straight from alcohol to a benzo taper is standard management to prevent seizures. Librium itself has such a long half-life that it does a decent job self-tapering. You're probably going to be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e11xcc", "comment_id": "f8l6zee"}, {"question": "How to get invited to things over the summer?", "description": "So 2mrw is the last day of school, I've only recently started to be more social within the last month, for the first 9 months of school I was so focused on work and getting straight A's. I've made a couple of good friends but with the rest of my friends I'm pretty awkward and rarely speak unless spoken to, so how do I get invited to things?", "answer": "Ask them what they're doing and if it sounds interesting, ask if you can tag along. \n\nThe other way is to start inviting them to do things with you. If you never do this, it's likely they'll either get the impression you don't want to be bothered with them or it's not worth inviting you to do things because you won't reciprocate. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8nmey3", "comment_id": "dzwnc5e"}, {"question": "Daily Reflection April 26", "description": "HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT\n\nI don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?\n\n\u2014 AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306\n\nIn my search \"to be happy,\" I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt\u2014financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, \"When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.\" (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)\n\n", "answer": "This was a good reminder for me, thank you.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "8f1m3g", "comment_id": "dy0cocd"}, {"question": "Unprofessional therapist behavior", "description": "I've not had the best experience with therapists being professional.\n\nI mean no offense to any out there.\n\nI am considering going to my now 8th therapist. After asking her for an appointment, she did not notify me on how to get to her office or anything. I guess she expected me to find that information on my own. I had to ask. Also, after asking for her address, she then asked me to fill out new patient paperwork- something she had failed to do prior. Is this indicative of the fact that she might be disorganized, overwhelmed and thus unable to be focused and present? These issues are what I have ran into before it seems.\n\nI feel like I have been throwing money at therapy. I have take kernels of wisdom from each but have not been able to form a solid connection and relationship with any of them.\n\nI am going for EMDR, which is thought to not need a very strong connection with a therapist to work so maybe it doesn't matter.\n\nI know this might sound silly, but is her behavior over e-mail unprofessional or am I just coming from a jaded place of failed therapy attempts?", "answer": "Folks in my office (I contract) who do scheduling don\u2019t give directions information; I think they assume people will just look up the address and use their phones to locate the office. They do ask folks to come in early to fill out paperwork, but it\u2019s certainly possible they could forget. If she is doing all her own scheduling it may have just been an oversight.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bomdvc", "comment_id": "enig9zg"}, {"question": "Accepting my (23/f) boyfriend's (23/m) flaws???", "description": "Hello! \nI'll preface all of this by saying that I do have generalized anxiety disorder, and am VERY prone to overthinking/overanalyzing things and how people respond to me and others. I notice every facial expression, body language, everything! I'm very self-conscious about my own personality and often question whether people actually like me. I get annoyed with people easily and I'm quick to notice their negatives. I am in therapy and have been working on this for as long as I can remember.\n\nAnyway, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he's my best friend. He's incredibly thoughtful, responsible, hardworking, caring, handsome, and sexy. However, I've been noticing some things lately. First off, I'm 5'5 and he's 5'7 so we're pretty much the same height. Obviously if I had a huge issue with this I never would've started dating him in the first place. But I do worry about what OTHER people think of him. His friends give him crap all the time about being \"short\", plus I hear jokes about other \"short\" guys and it makes me really self-conscious about it what people think when they see us together. He's also confident in himself and will share stories about his experiences if their related to the conversation. I often worry that people think he's \"bragging\" or something like that, but again I'm also very self conscious about sharing my own experiences because I don't want to be that person either, so maybe it's my own insecurities coming out. He grew up really poor and never had the money to get his teeth fixed/cleaned regularly, so I'm also worried that people judge him for that too.\n\nI feel so terrible admitting all of that because he treats me SO well and accepts all of my flaws and imperfections, and encourages me to be myself and even prefers me without makeup in sweats with my hair up. \n\nHelp :/ \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "You're overthinking. Successful relationships are all about loving someone enough that you accept the whole package. If you have a loving relationship and good health, NOTHING else matters until babies come along", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzxz6", "comment_id": "dloxolp"}, {"question": "[20/f] Need help on how to approach [20/f] girlfriend about drinking", "description": "Hi all my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 9 months and been dating for around 6. We are in a flourishing relationship and tell each other love you. We go to the same college and we both like to party. I am in a fraternity and she is not in a sorority, I say this because I am living in a frat which means girls and alcohol are always around. So that means she trusts me a lot.\n\n She has great friends that I get a long with but it does worry me because they are crazy party girls and a majority of them are single. We respect each others friend time by not trying to contact one another if possible when were out. We've only got in a couple arguments so far but that was due to me confronting her about a couple things that bothered me, which is now in the past and I believe strengthened our relationship. We both have pasts of getting pretty drunk and blacking out which doesn't bother me because its in the past, but I have caught her a couple times where she will say she didn't black out but won't remember most of her night. That is what bothers me. I want to talk to her about blacking out and how we should probably not be doing that while we are in relationship due to the risk of being taken advantage of or making a mistake. \n\n This is where I need help, how can I start a conversation with her about this and ask politely or without confronting her to be more careful about her drinking and I in turn doing the same? I don't think it's a good idea for me to be blacking out while living inside a fraternity due to plenty of girls being around all the time, and am hoping she feels the same way. \n\nThanks reddit.", "answer": "be direct and firm", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tu326", "comment_id": "dlni1ia"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy. I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around. You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "e4rt7xs"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "As Ram Dass points out, the problem with drugs is that you always come back down. Luckily being present is always available to us if we can train our minds to be receptive to it.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ttcto", "comment_id": "c4pnffk"}, {"question": "I'm [24/f] confused as to why I have a hard time feeling deep emotion about people close to me. Any psychologist out here?", "description": "So ever since I can remember I have had trouble making deep connections with people. I find it easy to casually talk to people, and I'm very good at small talk. If I want to be I can be charming and \"funny\" according to people around me but recently I've found it so... tedious. I can definitely feel emotion but I honestly find it easier to feel emotion when I see other people feeling it. I would like to say that I am very good at empathy actually, and maybe that's because I make a good effort at it. \n\nI'm finally fed up with not making deep connections with anyone. The best way for me to describe it is that I don't think I would care if someone around me died. I also don't really have any deep friendships, and not from lack of availability. I have made 'connections' with people plenty of times and we almost always tend to get along well but I don't feel comfortable completely trusting people in a way where I feel like I'm a burden on others. I also think I like spending time by myself, just working out by myself, watching tv by myself, reading... I sometimes just cancel on people to be by myself because even though it can be 'fun' to hang out with other people, it's so draining. Understanding other people's emotions and reacting accordingly is hard.\n\nA little background. I moved around a lot as a child so I can't recall any long time childhood friends and I was also a very dedicated students so I always focused on that. I am actually going to school to be doctor right now so I guess things haven't changed much. I have a bad relationship with my dad (molested me) and my mother is a low-key narcissist. My mother and I get along from far away but there isn't any real animosity there. \n\nI also have a fiance, and he is the closets person I have in the world but.... Idk I feel like if he died I would be definitely lost, confused but not in the way I see people in TV. I'm not sure how sad I would feel. \n\nI also would like to point out that I'm not exactly sure how much I care about living myself. People tend to tell me that I think 'coldly and logically' once they get to know me better and I stop trying to be 'charming and funny' and I feel like as I get older I keep wondering what the point of life is, what death means and what the difference between them is. Anyways, it's definitely been worse recently and I would like to feel better. \n\nEdit: I just want to make it clear, I do have emotions. I'm not a robot. I have emotions and one of the things I like to do is to break down my emotions and understand what makes me feel the way I do so that I can do something about it. I tend to be an over-analyzer. Anyways, I have emotion but for some reason I have a hard time connecting to people. \n\nAnother good example of what I'm trying to explain: I've had dogs my whole life, and I have a dog right now which I've had for about 4 years. I take very good care of her, but she has been annoying me a little bit right now. I realize I want to get rid of her. I don't know why that idea doesn't bother me as much as I think it should but it doesn't. I want to give her to my mother or to someone else and just forget about her. ", "answer": "you could be depressed; talk to your doctor.\nyou might be essentially introverted; thus you form fewer but deeper connections, which right now is your bf.\ncertainly the parents/trauma you describe could make someone be more closed up and guarded about life.\nyou'r clearly smart and thoughtful. i would rule out clinical depression first, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjm24", "comment_id": "ddn2w34"}, {"question": "[Conversation Help] Need major advice.", "description": "Hello Socialskills,\nSo here is what I would love help or advice with. I have a date tomorrow and I'm TERRIBLE, absolutely terrible at keeping conversations going when it's one on one. I have no clue what to say to keep the conversation going so I always wait till they talk first and I can usually follow up but they -ALWAYS- have to talk first but I really want to try and keep the conversation going myself but I'm clueless on what to say. What are things that aren't too personal or expansive that I can pinpoint and talk about or potentially find key things to talk about. I'm not much of a person that has conversation but the reason I was asked out is because we have two classes together but we always are in groups of people. I love groups because there's no pressure for me to start the topic and I can just expand on it, but I'm so nervous and I have no clue what is socially acceptable to keep the conversation going. If there is any advice or suggestions for what I should say or anything I'd be extremely grateful. As of right now I'm just entirely lost and I really don't wanna drop out of it because I would really enjoy a new friendship. But with the feeling I have right now I just want it to be over with and gone. That's not going to help me make it an exciting or fun time. Advice on how to be goofy or comical would be great help too, I am more than willing to do some reading but I just don't know where to look. I hope this all makes sense I'm about to lose it over something that shouldn't be this difficult but I've just done something like this before.\n\nTL;DR\nFirst date ever, extremely nervous. Don't know how to start different conversations that are socially acceptable. Horrible at making conversations funny or goofy and really need help. \n\nI'm 20 and go to college if this helps at all in the advice you give.\n\nThank you for reading and would love any type of advice :|", "answer": "Read [this guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). It will be a really good crash course for you.\n\nBeyond that, don't freak out. It's your first date, but it won't be your last. Just relax and have fun :) Don't let the anxiety get to you--if you do, it will be much harder for you to do a good job at conversation.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11vgej", "comment_id": "c6pznwm"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm an open book & struggle with insecurity & trusting my boyfriend [25/m] because of it.", "description": "UPDATE: I know it's been a while, but tbh, I initially made a Reddit account just to post this. I realize that no one had a feel for my full situation, but every response helped. Who knew that a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you to knock it off would help, but hey, it most definitely did. I did my best to hear ya'll out & heed your advice. I've tried to step back & chill out. Since then, my SO started opening up to me more often. I recognize that he has been more patient with me than I could ever ask for. \n\nI guess what I really want to say is, \"Thanks for the reality check Reddit.\"\n\nBackground : I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half now. We met through a group of work friends shortly after I got out of an engagement (cheating fianc\u00e9). He had just ended a relationship & was doing the Tinder thing & I was in a downward spiral of poor decisions & rebounds. After a terrible drunken night of mistakes, we decided to start over again as just friends. Months later, our hangouts turned into tipsy hookups & eventually we realized that it was more than that. That's when I found out he had a thing still going with one of the tinder girls, which he broke off shortly after. About 8 months after that, we made it official & moved in together. \n\nThat's when I found out that, up until me, he had a \"type\"-big blonde/red head girls that sing. (Not petite brunettes with the voice of a cat getting hit by a lawnmower. Lol) I struggled with that for awhile until I finally accepted that it was just a coincidence. I told him about my insecurity & joked about it with him. He reassured me that he loved me & invited me to his family Thanksgiving & Christmas, etc. \n\nEverything was going fan-fucking-tastic until I (for absolutely no reason) got insecure & looked up his browsing history. I don't know why I was so upset to find what I went looking for when I read \"big blondes gone wild\". I immediately regretted snooping around. I felt absolutely terrible. I knew I needed to apologize & tell him what I had done, I knew it was grounds for him to dump me on my ass. Because of this dilemma, I was just pissy around him for the next week until he finally questioned me, and I told him what I did, explaining that I understood if he was done with me for breaking his trust. \n\n(BTW, I watch a lot of porn myself. And I know that pretty much every dude does too. I'm cool with it.) \n\nHe got super upset by what I did, and I don't blame him. I broke his trust. I was upset but apologized & explained that it made me feel insecure because he was so secretive about the fact that he watches porn & because all his exes were also \"big blonde girls\", which I'm definitely not. He was still super upset.. Almost sad (?). He just said he was embarrassed & felt terrible that somwone found out... Which may made me insecure all over again because now it made it seem like I had caught him cheating or something. I told him that it's more than ok... That I watch porn all the time, and explained that I'm cool with him watching porn as long as he is still into me & doesn't put off actual sex because of it. I even offered to watch it together sometimes if he wanted. We patched everything up until everything was going good again. \n\nIt's been a couple months now, & he still hasn't mentioned anything about it even though I know he still watches it every time I'm not around. I still constantly find myself feeling crazy because porn (in any context) is still not a kosher subject, but also because I sometimes feel like he's talking to other girls that are more his \"type\". I realize most of these thoughts are irrational, but I don't want to bring it up again and make it seen like I'm nagging. \n\nTL;DR: started dating bf while he was \"taken\". I already have trust issues. He watches porn secretly. I confronted him & told him I knew I was OK with it. I opened up to him about my \"secrets\". He doesn't reciprocate & isn't as open about emotions as I am. It makes me insecure but I don't want to nag & make things worse. \n\nAm I being irrational by worrying?\n\n**edits: changed wording to clear up confusion ", "answer": "Of course he got defensive and doesn't think it's safe to talk about this stuff: you snooped and then held exactly this kind of stuff against him. \n\nYou disclosing a bunch of stuff does not unring the bell of you using his sexual interests as fodder for criticizing him/going into a panic spiral about what it all means. \n\nYou need to drop it and let it stay dropped. And then pick up the phone and call a therapist. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6buyvi", "comment_id": "dhpqfpr"}, {"question": "Saying goodbye to my psychologist", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm graduating university soon and that means I have to say goodbye to my university psychologist. She helped me so much. I was away from home, from my family and my anxiety was really bad (I have ocd) and she was the first person that believe in me and understood what was going on in my brain and made feel like I wasn't crazy. 3 years passed and I'm so much better, I'm a totally diferent person. In my last consult we both started crying because next consult it will be my last.\nSo I want to make something special, a little something to say thank you. Nothing can pay what she did to me but I want to give her something that she could keep and remember me because I will never forget her.\n\nSorry for the long post\n\nI need ideas people ;) ", "answer": "The general ethical rule most agencies enforce is nothing over $5. As a therapist the most meaningful gifts I have received from clients were letters, original poetry, cds from clients who were musicians, or random homemade things. \n\n\nI\u2019m so happy to hear you had a great experience. Even just sharing the ways in which your therapist helped you will be incredibly meaningful for them.\n\n\nI can only speak for myself but whenever I\u2019ve had clients who stuck with me for that long I haven\u2019t forgotten them even years removed from our last contact. Often times clients touch our lives and teach us just as much as we teach them. The process of therapy is beautiful! Congrats on your graduation as well!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8kenyy", "comment_id": "dz7l8gy"}, {"question": "I [19/m] wish I could help my [19/f] girlfriend be less lonely", "description": "I don't know how to fix this situation. I've never posted here but writing this out feels good. So here it goes\n\nI know my girlfriend is feeling lonely and depressed. But, whenever were together things feel great. She's energetic and funny and great to be around, although when we have to spend a significant amount of time apart she gets lonely and feels as though no one is interested in being her friend. She's a very social person and being alone for too long really gets her down. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for her. \n\nSometimes I feel like spending less time together could help her create other relationships outside of our own, but it's hard not to be together for extended periods of time on a consistent basis because we live together. I feel closer to her then any other friends and I know she feels than same. \n\nI guess i just want a way to help her make new friends. I know this isn't something I can really influence and she has to do it on her own, but it's hard to watch someone you care a lot about feel that way. Any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "Oh my god that sounds like something my SO would say about me. I don't have any advice, though. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to endure. I hope she figures something out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "41z673", "comment_id": "cz6c66t"}, {"question": "Why am I being forced to go to the ER?", "description": "My mother in law has a history of psychosis, and has been hospitalized for it 3 times in the last 10 years. She had an episode beginning last week and reached out to her regular provider, which is a nurse practitioner with the ability to prescribe her meds. After not sleeping for 6 days and being given a new anti-pyschotic and still not sleeping, we convinced her to be admitted to the hospital. \n\nThe NP has admitting privledges and agrees she should be admitted, but told us we had to go to the ER. The ER is full, so my mental ill MIL, who thinks that everyone in a uniform is plotting against her is sitting in a hallway in the ER, there are police and medical professionals everywhere, she is bugging out. We have been here 5 hours and all they did was a 5 minute interview with an ER physican and we are awaiting transport to the behavioral health unit.\n\nWhy were we sent here? We can't afford the $1000 co-pay for an ER visit, and we've received no care here. Why is the hospital doing this do her instead of admitting her directly at the direction of her primary care doctor? ", "answer": "Any update?\n\nI assume that you are in the US, whose mental health provision at times sounds completely illogical to me, so ill defer to an American mental health professional to give you a definitive answer.\n\nWas lack of sleep the only symptom?\n\nIf admission was indicated, id agree with you in principle, the initial assessor who as access to inpatient beds should be making the call. It could be that there is a suspicion of an underlying medical cause that might need excluded via ER though. Or maybe the NP was being a lazy shit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vednu", "comment_id": "de1hsow"}, {"question": "[22/f] Having sex with my boyfriend [21/m] hurts me!", "description": "I don't even know how to state it... I don't like having sex with my boyfriend. The problem is, even tho he is a sweetheart in everyday life, he is very self-centered in bed. I am not the first girl he slept with, but I lost my virginity with him. He rushes through undressing me and obligatory kissing my body for a few minutes and then we either have oral or regular sex. To be honest, I haven't even once been comfortable. It is always painful and feels like he's gonna fuck my head off. He also uses WAAAY too much strenghth when it comes to touching me. I sometimes try to push his hands away but I don't think he takes the hint. He also seems to not notice that my moans are ones of pain not of pleasure. When he is very turned on he sometimes speaks dirty to me but it only makes me feel like a whore, simply because I'm not turned on! He often says things like moan! or say my name! when I don't feel like to even one bit. I tried to drop subtle hints, I even openly talked to him about it and he said he'll try to make it better. Then we had an okay sex twice and it went back to our routine. He does it the same everytime and when he orgasms, he says he starts feeling guilty and promises to try harder next time. It's not like he doesn't try, I can see he does, but it's just not working... It's like he knows what he should do when we talk about it but his mind goes blank once we make it to bed. What should I do? I love him but I don't think sex should feel like a chore? I've never had sex with anyone else, maybe he's doing it right and I'm just too sensitive? Please help!", "answer": "NEVER have uncomfortable sex. Talk to him and explain what you need. If he can't abide, then he's too immature to be with you. You deserve attentiveness, respect and patience. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6exvmr", "comment_id": "die1als"}, {"question": "My fear", "description": "I am not scared living in my home. I am scared of someone breaking in when I sleep no matter where I live. Is this bad? How can I suppress this fear? ", "answer": "I think seeing a therapist would be helpful. This is a common fear for people with anxiety. In the meantime though you can try using self talk to calm you down. Learning mindfulness activities could help. Also taking a self defense class could help you feel empowered. I hope you find something that works tho- fear is the worst. You don't deserve to go through everyday having to battle that!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72hr3m", "comment_id": "dninh35"}, {"question": "Risk of seratonin syndrome with these two anti anxiety meds?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: female\nHeight: 5'8\"\nWeight: 130 lbs\nRace: white\nDuration of complaint: a couple months\nLocation: Naperville Illinois\nAny existing medical issues: anxiety and digestive issues\nCurrent medications: Nortel birth control and 40 mg Prozac\n\nHi,\nI've been on Prozac for probably about ten years. A few months ago, my doctor prescribed me 5 mg of buspirone to take a couple times a day as needed. I didn't start it right when she prescribed it because I had a very rigorous internship at the time and couldn't afford to be drowsy or suffer any side effects. Since then, I've scared myself out of taking it after reading online about the possibility of seratonin syndrome. I've seen websites that say you should never take the two together but my doctor didn't even mention the risk. Does this dosage combination sound ok? Thanks!", "answer": "The combination is used routinely. I can find a case report of buspirone and fluoxetine *maybe* causing serotonin syndrome, but it's rare enough that a single case was worthy of publication.\n\nI have seen patients taking twice as much Prozac, more than twice as much buspirone, and still be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8dd0b", "comment_id": "ejx99n4"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (25/m) constantly jokes with me (23/f) and insults me in various ways.", "description": " He has told me that he loves me and loves my body however, he regularly calls me names like big girl (I'm 115 lbs 5'6) and tells me my body parts are ugly. He follows everything with \"I'm just joking.\" I have told him it is sometimes annoying but he hasn't mellowed out. I don't want to lose him but I don't want this to lower my self-esteem. When he makes comments about my body and I say that the comment is not true he either agrees and says he knows that I'm beautiful and thats why its funny or he just says that I am no fun because I can't take a joke. Am I being too sensitive? Ive never been with someone who offended my body or brains, even in a joking way. Thanks", "answer": "he is immature.....the point is he doesn't respect your wish for him not to 'joke' like that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8h1a", "comment_id": "dchfq0q"}, {"question": "I'm [F 23] afraid to meet my nevermet [M 27] bcs low self-esteem. Any advice?", "description": "LONG VERSION of the story:\n I [F24] have met him [M 27] online and we clicked like I never did with anyone else before (either irl or online). We are from different countries (but this is not a problem -yet?-) and we had chemistry at the first line :)). At first I didn't take it seriously since we are from different countries. I think this helped me 'cuz I'm an introvert otherwise and I kind of overthink every situation. So we talked about any kind of things and we ended up sexting and we shared pics (nudes more or less). I enjoyed chatting with him so I couldn't stop myself for getting more and more involved. We talked about this and he said he feels the same, that it's weird but cute in the same time. It started to feel like a relationship (even sexted on a daily basis). I started to care about him and he started to worry about me (like a bf would do). We exchanged lots of pictures and mini-vids but we never skyped. After few months we started to really talk like a couple (saying cute stuff and shit to each other) and we decided to see each other which is the greatest thing ever because I am really into him and I like him in every way I got to see him 'till now but here it comes the problem: I am super shy at first (as I said I am a solid introvert) and I kinda have low self esteem and I know that this will sound stupid but I'm thinking that I always send him the best pics of myself and I'm so afraid that he will be dissapointed when he will see me irl. This idea is haunting me and it stops me from wanting to see him (I also thought to cancel and never see him bcs I'm afraid that he will not like me enough and the idea of him being dissapointed breaks my heart) I really don't know what to do. I have no problems in seeing guys and have dates (that surprisingly always went good) but I see this guy as the perfection and sometimes I'm pretty intimidated by him and I feel like I'm not good-looking enough for him and yada yadda. Also he always says that everything will be so perfect when we will meet because he never met someone who seems to be so cool (this makes me more anxious).\n\nTL;DR:\n I [F23] have met him [M 27] online (different countries). Instant click and chemistry. We kind of become an online couple. After almost an year we want to see each other irl. We sent dozens of pics and mini-videos but never skyped. I have low self esteem and I'm worried that he will not like me irl.\n\nWhat should I do to get over this fear? Did you experienced something like this? P.S. any advice or oppinion is welcomed. I'm really curious what you people think of this.", "answer": "you can only be yourself. if he doesn't like you for you, he's the wrong guy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmjrr", "comment_id": "dbp01vx"}, {"question": "No Doctors Available, Possible Overdose Symptoms or Something Else?", "description": "I posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response. I am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and I cannot even get through by phone. Would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms?\n\nOver the course of a few days, I developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant. Though I can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so. This is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet I do not feel dizzy. My energy and concentration are suffering, and I feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. Oh, and I have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right.\n\nP.S. I had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began. I had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which I assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder.\n\nCould this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that? Nothing I can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof. And though at first I thought I was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after I ceased eating for a couple days, so I really have no idea... I suppose the lack of GI symptoms might rule out the cause being something I ingested though?\n\nI am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10\" in height, 180 lb, I do not smoke, I drink very rarely, I do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and I am not currently on any medication, though I do take vitamin and mineral supplements. I have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.\n\nP.S. I am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, I do not feel ill.", "answer": "Although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, I would recommend you see a physician. You need a physical exam, I can't give it through the internet. \n\nSpend all day on the phone to get through if you have to.\n\nPerhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmhc1z", "comment_id": "fl4jp37"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "fht0r3e"}, {"question": "How to help a person with an eating disorder get help?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'm assuming that you are in the US?\n\nAnyway, you can contact medical professionals with your concerns, which will be recorded, but unless he chooses to seek help or his (mental or physical) health is an acute risk, they wont be able to help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "64nxmv", "comment_id": "dg4iyaf"}, {"question": "Father is very sick and I'm in college. Should I drop out?", "description": "My dad was admitted into the ICU two weeks ago. I skipped my whole first week and a half of classes. I just started going back today. My mom and I have basically been living in the hospital since he's been here. We don't know what's going to happen. Even the doctor's can't tell us. Now my mom and aunts/uncles are telling me that I should drop out of classes for this semester. I talked to my cousins and they all say it's a bad idea and I need to stay in school. I decided that I want to do my best to attend classes and if it comes to it, I can do a late withdrawal. I have already communicated with all my professors and they have all been very willing to accommodate. \nMy concern is I don't want to go to school and then regret it if something happens and I am not in the hospital with my family. I also don't want to withdraw from classes and then regret doing that. \nAm I being selfish by not dropping my classes? ", "answer": "Are you meeting with a counselor/therapist? School health services should be able to hook you up whether you drop out or not, but now is a good time to get yourself all the help you can get. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "6yipg4", "comment_id": "dmo0bq9"}, {"question": "I need help about jealousy and to know if it\u2019s blinding my reasoning or I\u2019m right to be upset f(24) m(24)", "description": "y dutch boyfriend came to visit surprime me for a week. His flight back to Amsterdam had a stop of 15 hours in London and he has to go to school tomorrow and he would arrive all tired and zombie to university and his job, I did not want this for him so I looked up a flight from London to Amsterdam so he could arrive home today, I did find one and I bought for him so he did not have to wait all that time without sleeping or little and very uncomfortable sleeping at the airport (he had no money for a hotel or anything). The thing is that he got home a few hours ago and I was obviously happy that he would get the rest and sleep he needs for tomorrow. Out of the blue he told me that he had been talking during the whole flight with this girl, that he helped her with her stuff and that she asked his Facebook when they landed. He said he mentioned me in their conversation but the fact that he actually gave it to her made me super jealous, I mean why would he do that? It's not like he really knows her. Also he is super jealous. I am mexican and whenever I am with him in Europe he does not let me go because for some reason Europeans find me attractive (I do not consider myself attractive or pretty or anything tbh), he on the other hand is handsome. I am quite sure that if the situation was backwards he would also be super jelly and upset, he says he wouldn't but I know him and he would, especially over the fact of me giving my Facebook to a guy who has been talking to me during the whole trip which makes him a hypocrite. I have told some friends about this and many say he disrespected me which makes me feel even worse. I feel like I need an objective opinion from you guys. Please help and sorry for the long text.\n\ntl;dr boyfriend visited me and I bought him a ticket earlier so he could be fresh at uni. He met a girl on the plane and she asked his Facebook which he agreed to give her. He would lose his mind if I did the same.", "answer": "social media is not cheating. you either trust him or you don't.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76yb0a", "comment_id": "dohnq8j"}, {"question": "Just had to reset my badge", "description": "I hope that the more I practice quitting, the easier it will become. \nI was doing pretty good at the beginning of the summer, so good that after a few weeks without alcohol, I thought I could drink in moderation, not to get drunk. \n\nToday I celebrate my fourth hangover in the past month. \n/s\n\nThings have been extremely stressful lately and I've been using alcohol to cope (again) \nIT FUCKING DOESN'T HELP! \nIt just makes the next day more difficult. \n\nThanks for reading\n\nIwndwyt", "answer": "I\u2019ve been working on quitting for 15 years. I\u2019ve metaphorically reset my badge hundreds of times before reddit came around. I\u2019m always proud of my sobriety during and once it\u2019s ended (at least I was sober for a little while) then I focus on the next sober stint. Not sure how long this one will last, but I\u2019m fucking optimistic. I\u2019m not gonna worry about it, I\u2019m happy I didn\u2019t drink today and I\u2019m focusing on tomorrow. \n\nAll the best mate!\nIWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9k96zn", "comment_id": "e6xy8zz"}, {"question": "Girlfriend advice please", "description": "I am 22 and I've been dating the same girl for seven years. I love her so much and she loves me. During the first year of our relationship I found out she cheated on me (not sex but everything else) with her ex. I stayed with her because she seemed so remorseful and everything else. Through the years all has been well other than a couple guy friends she has had that I had to tell her to cut off because she was either spending an abnormal amount of time with them or there were a few texts that I saw that I didn't like. Just recently I noticed she went on her exs fb and looked through his profile pics and also I saw her texting a guy she just met and the texts just didn't sit well with me as she was talking about personal stuff.. (I won't go into detail). Also she snapchats him and follows him on Instagram and fb and they literally just met. Anyways, what should I do in this situation? She's not going behind my back or anything, but it's just not something I think she should be doing when we are literally talking about getting engaged!!", "answer": "She doesn't seem to want the kind of relationship you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idqyq", "comment_id": "dj5e3yr"}, {"question": "Why do I feel nervous every day without any cause?", "description": "It's like that for at least a year (but I think it's actually more than 4 years. I have always seen it as a normal thing, I started observing it just a few months back). I feel nervous every single day often for hours, without any reason, just out of the blue. Also, every little thing can make me feel nervous. It's absolutely totally uncomfortable feeling.\n\nI would almost say it's anxiety, but I don't experience 80% of the symptoms so it can't be that.\n\nDoes anyone have any clue, at least a hint about what is happening? (I can't even Google it; when I search up \"being nervous all the time\" every result is about anxiety, which, as I said, is very unlikely that I have).\n\n\n\nage+sex: 15M\n\nheight: 185cm / 6'1\n\nweight: 67kg / 148lb\n\nrace: white\n\nduration: 4 years\n\nmedications: none\n\nNo smoking, drinking or drugging", "answer": "Let me just say this - the amount of energy that you are putting into worrying about whether you have anxiety and whether you are exaggerating or not - suggests anxiety. So does the amount of worrying you are doing about going to see a doctor to talk about the possibility of anxiety. All of those things are potentially manifestations of anxiety. \n\nThere can be physical causes of nervousness for sure - but whether or not there is a physical cause, it is a real problem that needs to be dealt with. You will be far less miserable once you get it taken care of.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4h1fi", "comment_id": "fhr6oit"}, {"question": "19F - since i've been seeing people make powerpoints...", "description": "[...i've decided to make my own!](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1F_J_t4UVlcPLykuHFoI7oXKapwrqKjcDfGplzNsp2Cw/edit?usp=sharing) \n\ndid i spend an hour making it and trying to make it look good instead of doing hw? *...yes.*\n\nwas it worth it? *i don't know, but at least it looks nice. hehe.*", "answer": "I messaged you!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "fxjeg3", "comment_id": "fmuqgo2"}, {"question": "I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don\u2019t trust them.\n\nWhen I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.\n\nI convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.\n\nEarlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.\n\nNow I\u2019m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and I don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.\n\nI\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken. \n\nI really don\u2019t know how long I can continue pretending that I don\u2019t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life. \n\nI honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "Please get help. It takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. Therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. There are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "dpv7eez"}, {"question": "My son 5M is constantly worried he is bleeding. He asked at the very least 100 times today if he was.", "description": "My son is 5. He has always been worried about seeing doctors or being injured but a couple weeks ago he hit his head and needed staples, he panicked when it happened and asked me if he was going to die. He can\u2019t handle bleeding at all. After that he started to ask me if he was bleeding and I would just tell no and that would be that. The staples got taken out, even though he sobbed the whole time but we moved on. A couple days ago he got a bloody nose in his sleep and since then the constant \u201cam I bleeding questions\u201d have persisted. He can obviously see his skin and can see he is not bleeding but, he makes me promise him that he is not bleeding. Today it got to a point where I couldn\u2019t even walk in another room, he needs constant reassurance he is not bleeding. He is worried he is bleeding from his mouth to his feet and everything in between. Should I make an appointment with his pediatrician or is this just an extreme reaction?", "answer": "To illustrate, most therapists \u201cdo CBT\u201d as the alternatives are psychoanalytic or pure behavioral therapy. But someone who is CBT certified follows a strict pattern of homework, exercises, observation. This can obviously be modified but would not be \u201cpure\u201d or \u201creal\u201d CBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g6zrg4", "comment_id": "fofan4j"}, {"question": "Mental status is declining and leaving for a work trip in 2 days... Worried for my safety?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Are you able to reach out to your counselor to process what you are feeling right now? Not sure when you last saw them, but maybe a phone call could give you some clarity and a chance to sort it out a bit.\n\nIt sounds like you've experienced psychosis before, do you know what your warning signs are? If so, is there an established plan to address the warning signs as they present?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d4531q", "comment_id": "f07s4q6"}, {"question": "Therapist warning me against medications", "description": "Basically what the title says. She thinks that it can be cured through physical activity and exercise, which I won't deny, but it's too hard, given my memories of being bullied in sports. She warned me of side effects, and that it might change my behaviour. She said that there are some side effects of medication which I should expect. She also mentioned that one of her earlier patients couldn't function without medication. If he didn't have his medication around he'd feel anxious.\n\nWhat was your experience with meds?", "answer": "Exercise is great, and really helps, but medication can help too. I\u2019ve found medication to be helpful. Sometime these illnesses have to be treated that way because certain interventions can only do so much. I\u2019ve taken meds for years and they\u2019ve really helped. Just make sure you consult with a psychiatrist and find something that works for you. Educate yourself about medication so you have a good understanding of it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9yhr54", "comment_id": "ea1e9ye"}, {"question": "a theory for why a risk of depression is a side effect when starting an anti-depressant", "description": "I've been very emotional the last few days which I think might correspond to going up on my dose of Topamax (25 to 50mg). Part of me thinks that it's because I am no longer returning to my old coping mechanisms: drinking and eating. Topa simply eliminates my desire to drink or binge eat, and now I have to actually face a set of particularly painful emotions. \n\nThoughts on this? \n\nedit: I know Topa is not an anti-depressant, I really meant \"psych med\" in general. ", "answer": "As far as the increased risk of suicide when starting anti-depressants- it may have something to do with a similar phenomena- the fact that the majority of suicides occur in Spring. \n\nWhile depressive episodes are more likely to occur in Winter, suicide attempts are more likely to occur in Spring. This is because when one is depressed, they often have no motivation, energy, etc. When spring comes around, depression may often lift. When it starts to lift, that motivation may be the first thing to come back. So they attempt suicide, once they finally have the energy to do so.\n\nEssentially- people tend to commit suicide more often when the depression is lifting, because they finally have the energy/motivation to do so. Also- their mood tends to be more labile.\n\nThis may be the same with anti-depressants. The first few days when the depression is lifting may temporarily increase suicide risk.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "uakr0", "comment_id": "c4utugb"}, {"question": "Should I tell my [22/f] partner [25/m] about my intrusive thoughts?", "description": "Throwaway account because he knows my actual account\n\nA bit of background: we've been dating for 4 months and he's an introvert who needs his space away from me, an ambivert leaning more towards extroversion.\n\nMy boyfriend and I have a schedule for when I come over to stay (fri-mon) so he can recover when I'm not around; totally understandable and I respect his wishes. We still set up dates every now and then on the weekdays I'm not over. As of recently during the times we don't see each other, the scenario of him breaking up with me just pops into my mind and I get sad for a bit, forget about it, then remember on some other day, and when we see each other it just goes away!\nI'm not in emotional turmoil over it but I am rather annoyed of its recurrence and debating whether or not I inform him about this intrusive thought because it could go in two directions: one, he misinterprets it as a sign of distrust and compromise our relationship which then I'd feel even more shitty and two, he reassures me just this one time and I never think about it again.\n\nI just want to tread carefully please help.", "answer": "there's never any obligation to share private thoughts. it's only relevant to share thoughts that are getting closer to action. we're all entitled to the sanctity and privacy of our minds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tzuca", "comment_id": "ddqacg6"}, {"question": "LGBT Relationship Advice?", "description": "Hi there! I'm sorry if this type of post isn't allowed because I'm new here, but I've recently found myself in a situation that I've never been in been in before and wondering if anyone has advice? So, a few weeks ago I started talking to a boy who I am attracted to. Some background info on this boy is that he's a year older than me (I'm 17), he's closeted bisexual and he's never been with a boy before (I am homosexual). So, we start getting to know each other and things were going great! We would talk for hours about virtually everything and really opened up to each other. We hung out both alone and with friends and every time went very well. I eventually asked him if he was interested in becoming more than friends and maybe even starting a relationship and he said he was definitely interested. I was obviously very happy and things were heating up between us. I would wake up with cute \"good morning\" messages and we would talk constantly throughout the day and before we went to sleep. We kissed/made out multiple times but nothing super sexual happened yet. But suddenly one day I woke up and started talking to him and he just seems really distant. He wasn't nearly as enthusiastic in his messages and it would take him significantly longer to reply to me. What really solidified it for me was when he cancelled our plans about 4 times. I asked him if he was mad at me, or if I did something wrong but he just said he was busy lately. Now, he takes hours to open my messages and if he even replies, they are short, one word replies. I'm just so confused as to what happened? Has this happened to anyone before? He was super affectionate one day and the next it was like he was a completely different person. Some of my friends say I'm over thinking it and others say that I should drop him. Has this ever happened to anyone before, or does anyone have any theories as to what happened? Thanks for reading. I know this was a lot and I would really appreciate replies. Maybe just leave a comment or message me? Thanks so much \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "it's impossible to know what's in someone else's head. most of the time THEY don't even know! don't take it personally. his feelings changed for WHATEVER reason having to do with him, not you. just move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kgj3t", "comment_id": "djlwuf0"}, {"question": "How do you explain your depression to family members without making them worried about you?", "description": "I'm going to start this off by saying that I was not clinically diagnosed with depression. I started seeing a psychologist in September but I didn't feel comfortable with her so I stopped going. I have reached out to a psychiatrist and am going to start therapy soon. I'm saying this so as not to be disrespectful to people that know for a fact they have clinically diagnosed depression. I've lurked her for a while and a lot of you explain things that I'm feeling/experiencing. I would imagine I would be diagnosed with depression, but a doctor has not told me as such (as of now). \n\nI've been falling deeper and deeper into depression over the last year or so. I've been trying to put on a normal/happy face for the sake of my family and friends. I don't want them to worry about me. I've only told 1 close friend. \n\nI live with my sister and her boyfriend. It's been getting harder and harder over the past several months to hide how depressed I am. When home I typically spend the majority of my time in my room alone. I don't have to perform for anyone there. \n\nI got a text from my sister today asking why I'm upset with her and why I'm pulling away. She thinks she did something to me that's making me like this when in reality she has nothing to do with it. It makes me feel even worse. Not only do I feel shitty but now I'm transferring that to people around me. The whole reason I haven't told anyone about it is because I don't want to burden them. But it looks like I have anyway.\n\nMy question is: how do you explain depression to a family member or friend without making them worried about you? Is it even possible? My sister has her own health issues to deal with and I don't want to add to her stress. \n\nThanks in advance. ", "answer": "Shouldn't they worry? I don't think it would be nice if they didn't care. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "41vkni", "comment_id": "cz5gmd2"}, {"question": "I have a question about my blood test results", "description": "First of all english is not my first language and i dont know enough medical terms to explain myself very precisely.\n\nI feel pain when i shallow food or any kind of drink in my throat. Generally i dont go to a doctor and take care of myself with some rest and herbal tea. and it goes away in 4-5 days. But this situation maybe repeated 10 times since February. So i went to the doctor and he gave me some pills(Etol SR and Klavunat-BID) and asked for a blood test. He said, according to the test results, use my pills and do another blood test 2 weeks later.\n\nI really didnt like the doctor he seemed reckless to me. So test results says;\n\nASO, result: 260 (IU/ml) (0-200 normal)\nhs-CRP result:6,44 mg/dL (0-0,6 normal)\n\nShould i be worried? Should i go to another doctor? i couldnt eat any ice cream this summer :(", "answer": "Are you Turkish? You could put your questions in your native language and we could try to translate?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xfpwa", "comment_id": "d6f3jw4"}, {"question": "My cat-fueled realization", "description": "As I'm sure is the case for a lot of you, the end of the year is always a weird time for me. Chronic depression usually rears its ugly head and, like every few weeks or months, I try to battle it as well as I can.\n\nThis year, it was my first \"end of the year\" away from home. Well, I do feel home where I live, but you now, \"away from where I grew up\".\n\nI ended up not doing that well, but not fucking up everything, all things considered. My apartment is covered in trash, which I'm slowly but surely getting rid of (Finally cleaned up the kitchen today ! I can finally cook again. I haven't been able to approach it for about two months... Got two tables to clean up and about 6 bags of trash I've picked up to take out, along with a mountain of cardboard) and I've managed to completely fuck up my budget by overspending for 4 months straight (Food won't be an issue though. Got enough to last about 2 months).\n\nAnyway, as the title implies, I had a realization a few minutes ago. I don't think it'll cure me of anything, but it feels pretty great.\n\nIn early july, I adopted a cat. He was about seven weeks old, white ball of fluff with grey marks on the head, the back and the paws. For the first 12 hours at home, he was terrified. He hid under the couch and didn't move. I was patient and setup a bowl with food, another one with water, some toys, a litter box and I got mentally ready to leave him be for a good week, while he explores and gets used to his new home.\n\nI'll forever remember getting out of my bedroom the next day, about 12 hours after he came home, to this purring little ball of fluff that was waiting in front of my door for me to pet it and play with it.\n\nI don't know how, but, somehow, he'd adopted me in the span of one night.\n\nOver the next few months, every single day, he'd snuggle near me in bed, wake up alongside me and ask for food, some head pats and a little attention. Then when I come back from work, the same circus again, with more excitement and desire to play on his part. We usually end up the day by me sitting in front of the computer, him snuggled on the desk against my chest and purring like there'd be no tomorrow.\n\nAnd even we I have bad days and lose my temper (it's happened quite a lot lately), shout at him or punish him, he always comes back purring, asking for a snuggle.\n\nThat cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now. And so my realization of today: if something is able to love me so much, I may not be such a useless, trash human being. I may not know what he sees in me to have taken to me so fast and so much, but I now know there's \\*something\\* good in there. And it's a thing I think I'll be able to cling onto whenever things start to spiral downwards again.", "answer": "[Time spent with cats is never wasted. \n~ Freud](https://i.imgur.com/JIpF5uI.jpg)\n\n \n\n> That cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now.\n\nSo cute!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado2yj", "comment_id": "ediw87z"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "d3s22jy"}, {"question": "Need help forgiving my partner fully", "description": "Hi! I'm a 29/f my gf is 30/f. We've been dating for a while and she's become super important to me. Problem is, I think I'm slowly ruining things. \n\nWhen we first started dating my gf hadn't been single for very long and wasn't looking to settle down. She was very open and honest about this and the fact that she was also seeing someone else. Well, anyways, as luck would have it we dated for a couple of months openly and wound up being really into each other.... and then one day we were sitting in my room and she looked and me and said that she wasn't ready to put a lable on things but that she wanted to be exclusive and I was super happy to agree to that. \n\nHere's where the trouble started... I can't remeber if it was that night or a night or two later she and the girl she had been seeing (who she was no longer seeing and had moved into the house with my gf and her roommate as a 3 person paying rent) went to a show, did some drugs and came back to their place. At some point in the night the girl decides to throw herself at my girlfriend and my girlfriend slips up for a moment. She, my gf, called me first thing in the morning and tells me everything. I believe her and her story of everything because she's always super honest. Honest to a fault almost. \nWe stopped talking for a couple of weeks and she went out of her way to prove to me she was sorry for breaking her promise and to make things up to me etc. \n\nSo TO MY POINT FINALLY....\n\nI took her back. I knew it was going to be hard to build trust again because I've been cheated on before and she has stood by me and listened, answered questions, comforted, apologized, etc with basically no issues. I can see it makes her sad that I can't seem to move past it and I want to. This is the first woman (or person for that matter) that I've ever looked at and see a future with. I want to move past it to have that happy future with her. I just need help. I have issues with the fact that the girl is her roommate and that she has very honestly said she would like to remain friends with the girl... even though she has totally respected my request that she not hang out with the girl solo or without letting me know if she's going to be around. \n\nI need tips and tricks for letting go. Letting go of my past...Letting go of a mistake she made and has worked so hard to make up to me...Letting of go this feeling that makes me so sad. \nIs it supposed to take months? Should I still feel compelled to ask her questions I already know the answer to? Or still make up scenarios here and there that my rational, trusting side knows are simply not true and would never be true?\n\nI don't want to continue making myself and the person I love sad. I know deep down she's fucking awesome. She's so good to me. I don't wanna mess this up. \n\nSo, any help?\n", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of two things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vmyj7", "comment_id": "de3cr3i"}, {"question": "Partner's therapist wants her to come to one of my sessions", "description": "My partner's therapist told her to ask me to come to one of my sessions to talk to my therapist about my mental illness. My SO said any time I talk about my bipolar disorder I shut down and so she wanted to speak to my therapist to \"unpack it\" or some shit. My own opinions aside, this sounds like a therapist shouldn't be giving that advice at all. Is this something that is frequently recommended or done?", "answer": ">Is this something that is frequently recommended or done?\n\nA lot of it depends on the circumstances and the framework of the therapist; however, YES. This is frequently recommended and done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "e6szsl", "comment_id": "f9vbs4h"}, {"question": "Is aspergers an excuse for these people?", "description": "(This is going to be long, sorry.) \n\nHi, I've never posted on reddit before but I don't know where else I could ask this question. Does having aspergers mean you will definitely be rude and irritating? I know not everyone is the same, and I don't mean \"everyone with aspergers,\" but if I dislike this girl I don't want it to be because she has aspergers. I want it to be because she is actually irritating. Does that make sense? I like to give everyone a chance when I meet them, but this girl has been given so many chances and she's on my last nerve.\n\nI don't know much about living with, or living with someone, with aspergers. What I do know about the syndrome I learned from AP psychology. My basic knowledge of it is that people with aspergers syndrome cannot read social cues and have problems with empathy.\n\nThis year I have met two people who have aspergers and heard about a third. This is really about one girl though, who told someone, not me, that she has been diagnosed. This girl, we'll call her Jane, is super irritating. Jane asks very personal questions all the time and then turns those around to be about her. A couple weeks ago, my professor asked me a question about a knee injury I had (we're in the same class and play the same club sport) and she immediately cuts in, starts telling everyone about my knee, and then turns the conversation around to her and how she was doing. Jane just always does and says the most irritating and invasive things. She has to know everything about everyone, but she also tries to prove herself all the time. We take a foreign language class together and she tries to figure words out she doesn't know out loud, even after the professor has explained it. It's like, SHE has to be the one telling everyone what it means, even if it's wrong. I think she craves validation. I think Jane also has really bad selective hearing because figuring words out loud is just one example. People tell her stuff multiple times and she will come right back and ask you a question you've just given her the answer to. She drives everyone I know crazy, and at first I tried not to let it bother me, but she's getting on my nerves now too.\n\nThe worst part for me is that she has mentioned before that she knows lacks the ability to be social. She realizes she says the wrong things and is very nosy, but she doesn't change. She doesn't even try to change. If you're with her her voice has to be the loudest. She will yell to make sure you hear her story. Is there anyway I could talk to her and tell her how she could be less irritating? Is this an aspergers thing or just a Jane thing?\n\nI don't know if this affects anything, but my history with people with aspergers isn't good either. I have a friend who was raped by her boyfriend in high school and he had aspergers. And the 2nd kid I've met, he sexually harasses my other friend, who has a boyfriend. So, I'm wary about people with aspergers because of these things.\n\nTL;DR There's this girl and she's really irritating and she knows she's irritating, but she doesn't change. I'm trying to give her chances and I don't want to dislike her because of her aspergers but she's on my last nerve.\n\n\n\nEDIT: Thanks for everyone that was helpful. It was hard for me to describe my point of view, but your advice was helpful for me to understand her a little better. Also, she's not \"retarded\" and some people are the way they are, I get that. And what is with people and sex. I'm a heterosexual female in a relationship. I'm just trying to understand her perspective without being a jerk to her. Not everything is about sex.", "answer": "You don't have to like anyone. You don't have to have a good relationship with everyone. You don't need a justification for your preferences either. Of course, you don't have to be rude to someone you don't like. You can just tolerate them or not spend time with them.\n\nAnyway, I say wrong things all the time. I know I do. I can't stop. If I could always stop myself, I probably wouldn't have Asperger's. I can't stop because I don't know that I am about to say something inappropriate until after it is done and I get an obvious reaction from someone. Every time I say something new that I have not said before, I take that same risk.\n\nNo big deal... Don't like her, but be respectful to everyone you can no matter how annoying they are.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1cczvz", "comment_id": "c9fdf5y"}, {"question": "Suggestions/Resources on how to deal with my utter dislike for my mom and who she is.", "description": "Preface: I spent ten years in therapy with a wonderful woman who gave me many resources and \u201ctools for my toolbox\u201d that I have used very much since she left practice. I have been out of therapy for a year and a half and have seemed to utilize these tools often and can cope very well most days. \n\nToday my mom came. She is a sweet woman, but I can\u2019t stand her. I was raised in poverty and around many substances for all of my childhood, and about 4 years ago found ways to set boundaries with the help of my therapist. I quit giving her money, quit letting her speak poorly about me straight to me, and came to realize that I was dealt a hand that I had no choice in and it isn\u2019t my fault. With all of that being said, I am sober as a judge and my husband and I have worked very hard to become who we needed when we were younger. We hold steady jobs, have wonderful pets, and on the 5th of this month paid off our final debt (our house) to become fully debt free. Because of being raised poor we take great pride in the things we have, they may not be brand new but they are very appreciated. \n\nMy mom came to town for a doctors appointment. Here are the things that I internally lost my shit over:\n\u2022Her touching a mans shoulder in the elevator. It\u2019s not your fucking body, you don\u2019t touch people. She taps and touches me all the time and I flip out over it. \n\u2022Her trying to justify her substance abuse as a way of coping with pain, and then saying \u201cbut I suppose X doesn\u2019t matter...\u201d\n\u2022She ate lunch in my car and pushed all of her crumbs all over and I just cleaned it. Why the fuck is that acceptable? Then got upset that I pointed out her mess and to quit being so careless, and then proceeded to lie to me about pushing crumbs onto the floor though I watched her do it and told her I saw her. \n\u2022The fact that despite being in the same house for 4 years, she still can\u2019t manage to use a gps or focus long enough to get herself out of town, it\u2019s two fucking turns. Use your brain.\n\u2022She keeps going to doctors appointments and cancelling the the things the prescribe her, like therapy or her medications. She decided her blood sugar was so good she could just quit taking her type two meds. \n\n**I understand my mom is sick.** I still dislike her and the way she does things and treats people. I am resentful for the childhood she gave me, but more-so that she\u2019s still the same way all these years later. You are where you are by the choices you\u2019ve made, and her shit choices often land me with a mop and bucket, and it\u2019s exhausting. This appointment today? The third of its kind for the same thing that she has been told she needs surgery for. Same doctor, every 6 months, same answer from him, and same \u201clet\u2019s schedule another appointment for 6 months out and I\u2019ll decide then if I want surgery.\u201d She\u2019s on MA and wasting tax dollars because she has no value of money. \n\nAnyone got a website or something? I\u2019m losing my damn mind. \n\nThanks for all of your support. X", "answer": "You describe a woman who seems not very mature, at an age where one would expect her to be. You seem to have chosen to let her have a role in your life, even when you no longer depend on her and she seems to have more negative than positive effects on your life. \n\nUnfortunately I don't know of any resources that are helpful in terms of literature. Do you have any friends or family who can support you? Perhaps a group can be helpful.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa0cvu", "comment_id": "fivhep9"}, {"question": "boyfriend's sister", "description": "My boyfriend and his sister are very close. She's in high school, my boyfriend is in college. Whenever we hang out she wants to tag along and I can't say no without looking like I hate his sister, which I don't. They talk and text all of the time, they're best friends. Obviously this is fine except that he tells her personal things about our relationship like what we fight about and what is going on in my life. We can't have any discussion or argument without her knowing about it. I recently was hospitalized for an attempted suicide and he told me he didn't tell his sister about it but I went through his phone (wrong, I know) and he told her everything. It's annoying that he tells her everything. I'm close with my family too but shouldn't some things stay private? How do I address this with my boyfriend or should I even address it at all? ", "answer": "i think people will alway have a best-friend type of person they share their personal stuff with. his just happens to be his sister.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptufd", "comment_id": "dctsnkd"}, {"question": "My wife let me know she was leaving me yesterday. Two weeks after our anniversary, two weeks before my birthday. Sober for 298 days, though.", "description": "But shit am I struggling today. \n\nThis is surreal. I\u2019m in a daze. I have no real friends here, they were all the husbands of couple friends. \n\nThere was no cheating. No abuse. On either side. \n\nShe said she hasn\u2019t been happy for a year or more...\n\nI\u2019m fucking lost right now. \n\nEdit: we met at a neutral place and had a talk. This is happening...I\u2019ve busied myself and visited my grandmother and doing some work from home. Tomorrow will be day 299. Thanks for all the kind words everyone. ", "answer": "It sometimes happens that a person marries an alcoholic so that they have someone who is dependent and who they can control. and when that person gets sober they begin asserting themselves. It\u2019s as if their partner suddenly changed personalities. There needs be be a reacquainting because the difference between sober self and drinking self is profound.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8qczf8", "comment_id": "e0ivtcw"}, {"question": "If I could smoke weed like a normal person, I\u2019d do it everyday", "description": "I have control over whether I take the first hit but after I take that first hit, I\u2019m powerless. \n\nI\u2019m lucky to live in a place where I have in person Marijuana Anonymous meetings and my smoking got to the point where I was either going to try it out despite my preconceived notions or keep relapsing. \n\nPretty much going to a meeting is like being in a room full of people who intimately know what I have gone through and are there to care and offer me support. It is a relief to have people who understand my addiction when so many people just don\u2019t get it. \n\nMeetings help keep me in check cause if I do think about smoking, there\u2019s usually someone else there with less time than me who talks about how withdrawing sucks and how they hate smoking and don\u2019t want to anymore. Or there is someone else there who has a lot more time than me and their life can be hard but it\u2019s gotten so much better which motivates me to stay sober.\n\nWorking the steps is hard but is intensely healing. I honestly think that if you find a good sponsor it\u2019s better than therapy. I went over all the resentments I\u2019ve held onto over the course of my life and my sponsor listened and validated my feelings FOR FIVE HOURS and talked a little shit on the people who caused them (mainly my parents) while letting me cry. Where else can you have an experience like that? \n\nAnyhoo not to be preachy but there are phone meetings (pretty much a conference call format) for MA that you can find through the marijuana anonymous app which is free in the App Store with all the MA literature. Okay that was pretty preachy but really, google \u201cthe 12 questions of marijuana anonymous\u201d and see if you can say they don\u2019t apply to you. ", "answer": "Shout out for MA! \ud83d\ude4c \ud83d\ude0a\n\nI second that gratitude for the support available in the rooms. I've had so many women give hours of their lives to share their experience, strength, and hope with me, who would take a call in the middle of the night if I needed it, and can now say that I am willing to do the same. Truly amazing to experience.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "9jcsl5", "comment_id": "e6rmzei"}, {"question": "[23/f] need other perspective on my relationship with my boyfriend [24/m]", "description": "so, i have been in a relationship with my bf for almost 1 year now and i am feeling very confused about what i should do. i'm quite an anxious person and i can get depressed sometimes for no reason, i've had eating disorders in the past and he knows about it. his personnality is pretty stubborn. we have different opinions on politics and some values and sometimes he can be obnoxious and not let me express my mind. he often feels like i'm making fun of him because sometimes i smile or scoff when he says something that i don't agree with. anyway the thing is i'm starting to wonder if we should take a break. i do love him and i don't want to lose him but he gives me so much pressure. i know he doesn't quite get my mental health problems but i feel like he's not trying, he's just being tough with me and instead on making me feel motivated it makes me really sad and resentful towards him. i feel like i need to sort myself out before being in a relationship especially since he's thinking about getting married and having a family with me. i do want that as well but not in the near future, i want to get my sh*t together first and feel comfortable with myself. the thing is we are living overseas right now and sharing appartement so if i want to take a break that would be moving out and i don't know if that's worth it. i tried to tell him about wanting to take a break but i'm afrait to hurt him. he has told me before that he thinks \"taking a break\" means breaking up. so i really don't know what to do, i feel confused and i'm starting to be really unhappy, as i have to pretend i'm not stressed or sad when i go home to not let him down.\nif you have any advice or if you've been through the same kind of stuff, i'd love to read what you have to say! \nthank you for taking the time to read me, have a good day.", "answer": "always best to resolve anx/dep before making a major life decision", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vni2w", "comment_id": "de3ezbr"}, {"question": "Trying to get into therapy is too difficult", "description": "I hate how difficult it is to get a therapy appointment. You are asking for help and they say \u201cwell there\u2019s a waitlist for that\u201d and then it is weeks and weeks until you can get a session. Mental health is so screwed up and needs to be looked at differently and with more respect. END Rant.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here. Sorry you've had some trouble getting an appointment. I've helped clients in my area find alternative services when I am unavailable or full for a couple weeks. It happens.\n\nHere's some other ideas that you may not have thought of when seeking out services:\n\n* If you have any local universities or colleges that have graduate degrees in mental health counseling or psychology, give them a call and see if any of them offer community services. Sometimes they staff counseling students that will see people low-cost/free of charge and with good availability.\n* Contact your local behavioral health facility and see if they have any connections (if they don't themselves offer outpatient services with decent availability) to other places they refer clients to when they are booked for weeks.\n* If you plan on using insurance, look on your local insurance website and expand your search to see if you can find other clinicians in your (general) area who take your insurance. \n* If you haven't already, check out these sites: [https://www.psychologytoday.com](https://www.psychologytoday.com)/us and and [https://www.goodtherapy.org](https://www.goodtherapy.org) . These are catalogs of clinicians who practice in your area. Don't forget to look at nearby zipcodes besides your own, if it's feasible for you to travel there.\n* If you have a local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter, give them a call and see if they offer services on an as-needed basis until you can get in with a counselor, or if they have people/places they refer to with better availability.\n* Have you considered tele-psych? It may not be as effective as an in-office visit, but you can utilize those services until you are able to get an in-office visit. You can use the usual online counseling sites (your mileage will HEAVILY vary) but you can also look for counseling offices within your state that offer online counseling services. That gives you a bit more leeway in terms of who you can see, especially if you are in a more rural area.\n\nThose are just some ideas. Give 'em a try and keep looking! What I usually tell my clients is to schedule with someone a few weeks out and then in the meantime see if you are able to secure something sooner, either due to a cancellation with the provider you scheduled with or an alternative provider.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d0ljy6", "comment_id": "ezb66qv"}, {"question": "[Discussion] How to do more and need less?", "description": "Example 1: 'I wish I had a new guitar, then I would certainly play the guitar more often' - instead of just playing the old guitar at all.\n\nExample 2: 'If I could only afford that mountainbike, then I could go biking again' - instead of just riding the non-mountainbike in a non-mountain area.\n\nExample 3: Buying 3 new books while still having a stack of unread books at home and not reading them.\n\nI tend to dream about doing stuff with new/better things I need to buy first, instead of actually doing stuff with the things I already posess. Why do I do this and how do I stop myself from doing it? Why am I never satisfied with what I have? Is this the capitalist brainwashing showing it's effect or am I lazy and only looking for excuses? Any help appreciated!\n", "answer": "This might not exactly solve your problem, but one thing you could try is to give yourself a challenge and use the \"new thing\" as a reward.\n\nFor example, you could say \"If I play my old guitar twice a week for 3 months, I'll get a new one\" or \"If I go biking every other day until Christmas, I'll get the new mountainbike as a gift to myself\"\n\nMake it something long-term so that you develop a habit, and if you skip a day, extend the length of time you have to do it for. That way, if you get in the habit of doing it regularly, you might find that the object wasn't holding you back at all, just your old habits. Plus it'll make you feel like you \"deserve\" the nice thing, and you know you'll actually use it because you've been using the old one. ", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "6ill0y", "comment_id": "dj7fhmg"}, {"question": "My boyfriend's (M/23) mom does not like me (F/22).", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend's mom doesn't like me. Or at least, it seems like she doesn't. To make a list:\n-I have traditional Asian parents that are strict and not as lenient as my boyfriend's past girlfriend's relationships are. \n-She once sent me hateful texts in her drunken stage saying i don't love her son because she thinks I am keeping her son away from her (we visited for Christmas and i couldn't stay more than a few days because of my parents. Mind you, this is the first long trip i have ever taken with a boyfriend in my life so I thought she would be more understanding).\n-She has brought up my boyfriend's ex girlfriend multiple times to me and to my boyfriend \n-She told me that my boyfriend needs a girlfriend who he can see on a daily basis (we live in different cities so that is not a possibility, but i drive more to see him than he does to see me) \n-through text and in person, it seems like she is pretending to be fond of me to make her son happy. I do not think it is genuine considering everything she has told me- Her nice behavior also comes off as artificial sometimes.\n\nShould I keep trying to gain her approval or just leave her alone? Should I stop having contact with her and just let it be? I have tried my hardest to try to prove my love for him, (example: he is the first boyfriend i have ever told my parents about) It kills me that she had a great relationship with my boyfriend's ex and not me. They were together for 5 years and his mother was very attached to her. I feel like i will never amount to her. I am not sure if his mom's approval should effect me as much as it does.", "answer": "focus on your rel.; ignore her negativity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3tqo", "comment_id": "ddz4c0d"}, {"question": "I find it hard to emotionally comfort people who aren't sexual partners?", "description": "I can easily comfort an upset partner. I can hug them hold their hand and tell them that things are going to be ok. But I find that I can't comfort people I have normal friendships with yet it seems normal people are able to do that. I feel icky if I as so much put my hand on their back. It sucks because I really want to learn how to comfort people but it just makes me feel sick. Is it do with the lack of empathy thing?", "answer": "You may have some ptsd-like reaction to crossing boundaries with people? I fear being or acting out in front of someone I'm not as comfortable with. Or like, will be careful not to cross boundaries because I so easily can", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c88l56", "comment_id": "esl39vd"}, {"question": "Does anyone else avoid doctors, not because of fear of going, but because you think all of your symptoms are actually just anxiety-related?", "description": "My anxiety tends to center around my stomach. I have emetephobia in addition to a general anxiety disorder, so it's not unusual for me to have nausea or weird stomach cramps that are just anxiety.\n\nHowever, I've been INSANELY bloated for six months now, having a lot of pain in my lower stomach (nothing stabbing or throbbing, just achy pain, kinda similar to period cramps or how you'd feel after an intense ab workout), and am more nauseous/quick to heartburn than usual.\n\nThere are some other symptoms as well, and I finally made a doctor's appointment, but it just got me wondering... I've been avoiding this for six months because, well, it's probably just my anxiety, right? \n\nMy fiance ended up getting mad and made me make an appointment because he'd rather me be safe than sorry. And I agree with him. \n\nI was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? \n\nI know avoiding doctors because of anxiety is common, but I'm not scared of the doctor. I just don't want to waste anyone's time and tend to assume all of my symptoms can be tied back to my anxiety. \n\nAnyone else?\n\n**TL;DR - I don't avoid doctors due to fear of the doctor or office, I avoid them because I tend to assume everything wrong with me is due to anxiety. Anyone else do this?**", "answer": "You're freaking me out because I could have written this entire post (except the person getting upset with me for not going to the doctor is my boyfriend). Yeah, that's how I feel to a tee. I figure everything links back to my anxiety and I'll just be using up the doctor's time and my money to find nothing helpful, then I'll feel stupid.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "hl8jje", "comment_id": "fwyv4nz"}, {"question": "Hi I\u2019ve got a quick question regarding becoming a psychologist", "description": "If you have a history of self harm or mental disorders is there no chance in getting into the mental health field? I\u2019ve always wanted to help people in this regard for years but over the past couple of years I\u2019ve gone through quiet a rough patch and well, things have happened.\n\nAnyway that brings me back to my question, will I still be able to get into psychology of counselling even if I get help and overcome these issues or is there no chance anymore? \n\nThanks", "answer": "Many therapists have a history of mental illness. \n\nThe main thing is to be sure that YOUR shit does not harm or interfere with your clients in any way. So you need to be stable enough for that, at the very least.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdsihc", "comment_id": "fvoxjtu"}, {"question": "UPDATE: Am I hearing/seeing real things or are they in my head", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: F\n\nHeight: 5'7\"\n\nWeight: 150\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: it was 2 weeks\n\nLocation: Northeast USA\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: TBI, Epilepsy\n\nCurrent medications Keppra, Vimpat, (new) Haldol IM\n\n\n[Original Post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/cg4a7x/am_i_hearingseeing_real_things_or_are_they_in_my/?st=jyytviab&sh=dc59ecb0)\n\nHi, I just want to thank this subreddit and the users for pointing me in the correct direction. I am currently in a treatment center that specializes in psychotic disorders and I'm allowed home on the weekend if I do well during the week. My current diagnosis is \"Psychotic Disorder NOS\". The psychiatrist believes I have schizophrenia but can't diagnose me with it since my symptoms had only progressed 2.5 weeks before I got help and for schizophrenia disagnosis, I would need to be symptomatic for a few months.\n\nI currently am still experiencing auditory hallucinations, but I am not confused by them anymore and I no longer follow their commands. \n\nAgain, thank you guys.", "answer": "As always, for a post without a question I'm going to lock this, but thank you for the update!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmgbla", "comment_id": "ew27759"}, {"question": "Recently stopped talking to my alcoholic father. Don't know if it was the right thing to do. Feel horrible and lost.", "description": "There's [two](http://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/2qtjx3/just_sent_this_email_to_my_dad/) other [posts](http://www.reddit.com/r/MMFB/comments/2re28n/i_just_had_a_really_bad_dream_mmfb/) in my comment history providing some context here. To sum it up, my dad has been an alcoholic since I was in 5th grade, 24 years old now. My parents divorced about 4 years ago. He's still been drinking which I knew about but it wasn't affecting me. On Christmas I introduced my girlfriend to him and he smelled of alcohol. After a couple days I told him how disappointed I was in him. He called me drunk that night. I sent him an email the following morning saying I didn't want to talk to him any more. More detail is in those other posts.\n\nMy brother just also stopped talking to him. I feel horrible, and alone, and like I just deserted him after I tried to provide support for so long. A son isn't supposed to have to do this. I don't know. I'm rambling. Help?", "answer": "What I tell people is to never deny love or communication. It doesn't help the situation. Rather address the addictive behaviour, keep talking, and don't shut him out. Some day when he wants to get sobriety, and he's serious, you want him to feel that he can talk to you. Remember he is an alcoholic and while that does not excuse his behaviour it does explain it. If he does something wrong address it and then call him the next day when he's sober(ish). Talk, tell him what's up and that you love him and that your willing to help if he wants sobriety. Deprive him of a reason to use you as an excuse to drink, at the end of the day this will force him to confront himself as the sole excuse for drinking. If you want him to have a shot at getting sober do these things and leave the rest up to him.", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "2rglf0", "comment_id": "cnfvn5q"}, {"question": "\"Going to rehab is a total admittance of failure.\"", "description": "Two days ago I recieved the results of my latest blood test.\r\rI had my 19th Birthday on May 13th.\r\r\rThe results of my blood tests have shown that my liver is going into failure.\rI drink (on average) 600ml of vodka everyday (I also \"overdose\" on codeine-based painkillers, smoke cannabis daily, and induce vomiting at least once on a daily basis.\r\rTonight I was talking to my boyfriend about he prospect of me going into rehab for a few weeks. I'm 19 years of age, and I know that I have so much potential, but my SO thinks that going to rehab is confirmation that I am, in fact, a failure.\r\rWhat do I do?", "answer": "That's one way to frame it. There is another way to frame it and its your choice to decide which perspective will serve you better. In today's paper it was reported that researchers have found a group of 11 genes that predict risk of alcoholism. Apparently its now proven that there is a inherited component for alcoholism. Instead of saying you are a failure you can say that you've been dealt a bad hand and now its time to play that hand as best you can. Getting medical help for a medical condition makes sense. You could say that diabetics are failures as organisms too, but does saying that help them lead comfortable lives? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2664or", "comment_id": "choar5v"}, {"question": "Psych meds and recovery", "description": "I was drinking/doing coke/smoking crack a lot and during this time I was prescribed Welbutrin (an anti-depressant) and Tegretol (used for treating mania associated with bipolar)\n\nI feel that taking these medications helps me. I think it makes me feel happier and more relaxed, also less angry/obsessive. Sometimes when I'm not taking them I feel like I'm losing my mind and I just can't handle it. \n\nHowever, I am conflicted about taking them. Recovery is supposed to be about identifying underlying issues that made me use drugs and develop an addiction in the first place. I feel that suffering through the way that I feel without medication will make me stronger, and maybe I will be able to manage my symptoms instead of just masking them with prescriptions.\n\nWhat do you guys think? Should I take the pills that were prescribed to me or suffer through it without them?", "answer": "Okay, so I'm speaking as A. Someone in recovery and B. A therapist. If this is a TLDNR, just look at the next two paragraphs.\n\nThe advice I was given by psychiatrists/medical professionals when I got to treatment and wanted to get off of anti-anxiety medication (for other reasons than those you mentioned) is that you should be sober a year before discontinuing psychotropic medication. And then only under a doctors supervision. Early sobriety is not the time to discontinue meds, you're going through enough changes already. Btw, I did get off those meds, and was really glad I waited a year. \n\nIf you are taking a medication 100% as prescribed, then it doesn't have any bearing on being \"clean\" or being \"sober.\" Some people will say it does, or trash psychology/therapy in general, but no matter what these people say, the 12-steps cannot fully replace other mental health treatment. You aren't missing anything about the recovery process by being medicated. Even people in NA recognize that you need opiates after major surgery. \n\nMany mental health issues are exacerbated by drug use, or symptoms may be a direct side effect (for example panic attacks). People are often misdiagnosed because they either do not disclose their drug use to the doctor, or because they have a shitty doctor who doesn't pay attention to full criteria for diagnosis. But people often find they aren't having the same symptoms they needed the medication for to begin with, and it's unclear if it's because the meds are working or if they were misdiagnosed/medicated. In these cases, discontinuation of medication should only be done with a doctors consent. And if the side effects aren't problematic, waiting a year is still a good idea. \n\nOn the other hand, long term use can minimize or hide mental health problems (for example depression). Whenever someone gets clean, things are going to be coming up that have been hidden under use. You're going to be experiencing a full range of emotions again. A lot of people relapse because they cannot tolerate this. This is NOT the time to experiment with coming off a medication that has been helping you. Especially for something like mania that could lead you to relapse. \n\nIf you have a mental illness that typically cannot be managed by therapy alone, that probably means your brain chemistry needs tweaking to function \"normally.\" Things like anti anxiety/depression medication typically allow you to use more of the neurotransmitters serotonin/norepinephrine, while anti-psychotics lower the amount of dopamine you take in. Meaning they aren't getting you high/low, they are just helping your brain make better use of those neurotransmitters. That doesn't make you any more or less sober. It doesn't make you any more or less you. \n\nI guess my final point is there are plenty of reasons to come off medication, but what you described above... I understand you're concerns, I've had similar ones. But that isn't a good reason to come off medication that is actively helping you/treating your mental illness. If you really want to come off them, I'd wait at least a year. It's important you talk to your doctor, but if your doctor doesn't have experience with addiction they may not give you the best advice. \n", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "6zg53v", "comment_id": "dmw876g"}, {"question": "Things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles\n\n- stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands\n- you will lose your voice\n\n- your throat will constantly ache and burn\n\n- your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front\n of the toilet\n\n- you will get horrible acid reflux\n\n- you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies\n\n-you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "My throat is so sore right now. If anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "fgiwmgi"}, {"question": "How do I get rid of anxiety from Adderall?", "description": "I've been taking in Adderall for a few months now..ever since the pandemic..and I've noticed that my anxiety is skyrocketing of late.\n\nHow do I reduce my anxiety from Adderall?", "answer": "Take less or no adderall. Talk to your Dr and they can change the script. It sounds like you don't have a paradoxical effect from it and do you maybe shouldn't use it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "jnvd8l", "comment_id": "gb3xro4"}, {"question": "Advice", "description": "I just wanted to know how to deal with this situation..\n\nI really like this girl and want a relationship with her, but she already told me that she doesn't want it as she doesn't feel \"ready\". We make out, I sleep with her in the same bed, we cuddle, hold hands and kiss each other just like a couple. We had oral sex but nothing more... So I don't know but I don't think that you would do these things to \"someone like a normal friend\" obviously... \nSo what do you guys think? Thanks in advance:)", "answer": "Always listen to the words, not the actions. She wants casual. Period. Don't read into anything. Even if it *seems* contradictory.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73zqde", "comment_id": "dnucqwi"}, {"question": "Help for a new agnostic alcoholic", "description": "Hi there, I'm demonenergydrink and I'm an alcoholic.\nAn agnostic one. Quite new to the 12 steps but going to meetings everyday and doing heaps of reading. I have done a lot of research and talking with fellow AA people but I have one question -\nIf my newly discovered higher power is going to be AA and other people as a whole (as a starting point for my higher power concept), then who should I pray to?\nAnd how would I phrase such a \"prayer\"? I have no problem using the word God in place of higher power.\nAny advice or thoughts appreciated.\nThanks for your support", "answer": "I am nontheistic myself, so I will often say mantras or affirmations as a way to direct my mind towards the positive, as it often strays into the negative when left to wander unsupervised, haha. Sometimes I will just talk as a way to get something off of my chest. Maybe something out there is listening, maybe not. I tend to think not but I've found i get a good result from it all the same, and as time has gone by whether or not something is listening has gotten less and less important to me.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "6ne5wy", "comment_id": "dk8x54h"}, {"question": "i\u2019m unstable (tw)", "description": "i\u2019m unstable, i\u2019m not depressed but i\u2019m unstable. At least i don\u2019t think i\u2019m depressed. It\u2019s just one minute i\u2019m laughing and loving being alive and the next i\u2019m shaking, slitting lines down my leg, digging my fingernails in my neck and crying. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t know how to ask for help because i don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t want people to see me laughing at the good times and just tell me i\u2019m fine and think i\u2019m lying about the other bad parts like every other shrink i\u2019ve been to has done. People don\u2019t take me seriously so there\u2019s no point in asking for help. I\u2019ve been like this for years and it\u2019s only now getting bad again. I\u2019ve been several months clean up until today. I don\u2019t know what to do. I feel fucking crazy. someone help me please", "answer": "There\u2019s an untrue assumption that most people have that you can\u2019t have two opposite emotions at the same time. That\u2019s bull crap, you can totally be happy and laughing at the exact time that you are in great pain on the inside. You can have moments of connection, happiness, laughter but still have depression. What are 3 things that you need to do to make your environment safe? What are 3 things you can do to distract yourself or take your mind off of this so that you can stop the spiraling thoughts you have? Try to do that, take some deep breaths. There is no shame in asking for help, and if a professional or a friend makes you feel shame or doesn\u2019t believe your pain, that is their problem and NOT yours! You deserve to connect with somebody who will see your pain, listen and validate you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "butjxo", "comment_id": "ephneth"}, {"question": "I was a drinker.", "description": "I was a binge drinker. A black out drinker. A walk to the liquor store to get 2 tall cans of the highest abv malt liquor and 3 nips @ 10:58pm drinker AFTER I was already too drunk to function drinker. Put the kids to bed and let my husband go to sleep alone drinker. Stumble into bed in the early hours of the am drinker. The 'I feel fine I don't have a hang over' drinker. The 'I'll be good this time' drinker. *spoiler alert*I was never good. If I had one drink, I had a goal and that goal would be to drink as much as I could as fast as I could for as long as I could.\nI was wake up early before husband and kids and hide the evidence drinker. The where are my phone/keys/purse/wallet/self-respect drinker. I was the fall down drinker. The 'why is there blood on my sheets and where did these bruises come from' drinker. The delete messages rather than read thru what was said while intoxicated drinker.\n\nI was a drinker. I knew I was making a mess of myself and living life on 'hard mode' but for some reason, it felt fine. The pain was worth the pleasure I'd get from drinking. Until it wasn't. Towards the end, I was sick of it, but I'd always be able to justify it someway. Then I did some shit while I was drunk that I'd rather not go into detail about and my husband blew up at me. He was always so nice, so kind to me, even after nights when I expected him to be pissed off. He had had enough and he let me know it, and it was what I needed. I didn't want to quit. I thought about telling him I'd take a break. But I bit the bullet. I wrote him a letter while he was at work, the day before our 4 year wedding anniversary, offering my sobriety as a gift this year. I almost didn't give him the letter, because then I knew I wouldn't be able to take it back. That was 81 days ago, and I haven't touched a drop since, and I feel so much better. I look back on the things that I've done and I can't even believe that drunk me and sober me are the same person.\n\nIn the past 81 days I've lost 15 lbs. I shower and moisturize nightly. I make my bed daily. I don't fall behind on laundry. I haven't avoided doing things with my children because I feel too shitty to leave the house. I have been eating better. I stopped biting my nails. I feel proud of myself. I haven't really talked to anyone about my sobriety besides my husband and my sister. Because I don't want to make it 'a thing' and because I don't want ideas of how bad I actually was running thru people's mind. I'm sure some have figured it out already. We're a pretty close family and I'm sure the lack of my drunken antics has been noticed, but so far no one has said anything to me.\n\nThe beginning was hard. I cried the first time we went out to eat and we had to be seated in the bar because it was busy. It was a combination of not being able to drink, jealousy of other people drinking, the newness and fear of failure. But, 81 days in and it's feeling easier. We've gone camping. We've done cook outs. All with me staying sober.And next week will be my first sober concert.\n\nReading here every morning while I enjoy my coffee without a hangover has definitely helped. Thanks guys.", "answer": "I was a similar drinker to you and identified with a lot of what you said. Good for you for getting sober. Your gratitude comes through in your post!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs03s8", "comment_id": "exbpyjq"}, {"question": "Thinking of going off antidepressants...?", "description": "But I'm not sure. They only cost me $5/mo...\n\nI don't have the thoughts anymore, I'm not scared of my own mind. I could say I feel a lot better in that respect. I'm not sure what I should be feeling.\n\nI brought this up to my psychiatrist, and he suggested that if I wanted to get off them, to wait till after I moved back home from school since med changes shouldn't happen at the same time as big life changes, but I won't be able to see him again because I'm in another state AND he left the practice he was working at.\n\nI'm not sure how I'm supposed to decide this, obviously it doesn't have a clear decision and you guys can't tell me what I should/shouldn't do... but opinions?\n(225mg Effexor btw - I know I have to be careful and slow about weening myself off it)", "answer": "Might consider calling the psychiatrist's office and asking them to give you a schedule to taper off your antidepressants ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1eo2ah", "comment_id": "ca233fy"}, {"question": "I got 13th stepped...", "description": "i made an anonymous post here from a throwaway account a while back, couldn't get back into it, and figured I would make a permanent account. I had made the post trying to figure out if I should or shouldn't go through with this \"relationship\" that a guy in my home group wanted to start. The general consensus is that it did not sound like traditional 13th stepping, I also felt like he was being sincere. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nWe were all wrong. Very, very wrong. I'm also in my mid twenties and am pretty fresh out of a divorce so I haven't dated much and, thus, lack a lot of experience when it comes to spotting red flags and actually listening to my gut. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've known this guy for about 4 months. I'm going through a lot of alcohol related legal trouble and he's been a great support person this whole time. About a month ago we went to the movies. I thought as just friends and it ended with a kiss. After that we went on probably a dozen or so dates. He wanted to meet my family, wanted me to meet his family, etc. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was a little put off as to how much he was pushing for sex before we were even together (he said he wanted to take things slow as far as moving forward to a relationship but definitely didn't seem to want to take things slow when it came to getting physical. That should have been a red flag). So after spending almost every day together, frequently turning down advances for sex, etc. I finally gave in on Friday night when he came over to watch a movie. I told him \"I really would rather wait, I don't want this to change anything between us\" and he told me \"if anything, it will just make us closer\". \n\n&#x200B;\n\nLike a FUCKING IDIOT, I gave in. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nWhat do I get 36 hours later? A text, telling me he needs to make an amends for having sex with me. I was very confused about what he was talking about, and he told me that he didn't see a relationship going anywhere and wanted to just be friends and that he was sorry he lied to me about it. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI guess if anything, I learned my lesson. I didn't need another reason to not trust people but he definitely gave me one. I'm angry at myself for not having more of a guard up, I'm angry at myself for not sticking to my boundaries. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm angry at him because this is apparently a pattern with him and I'm angry that he is preying on other young women in the program. I talked with another younger girl in my homegroup about what happened and apparently he is a habitual 13th stepper and \"gets em while they're still shaking\". He tried the same thing with her and a handful of other young girls in the program apparently. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI talked to my sponsor and told her I didn't want to go back to my homegroup anymore and she told me \"absolutely not, that man is a predator. The only thing you did wrong was not listen to your intuition and you trusted the wrong person. You keep going and warn every young girl in that group of what he does and he can find a new homegroup if it makes him uncomfortable that his predatory behaviour is being exposed\". So I'm not leaving my homegroup, and I'm going in with confidence and just focusing on the real reason I'm there and that is to try and stay sober for another day! \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI am at least happy that I learned a lesson from this and that's to not date within the first year. Really wish I had listened to that advice.", "answer": "Sorry this happened to you. What a dirt bag he is. Glad you are taking with your sponsor about it and staying positive. Wishing you the best", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ehs37f", "comment_id": "fclfm6o"}, {"question": "Thoughts on Therapy?", "description": "I've been thinking about it for a long time but I'm apprehensive about it. My mother told me about her coworker's daughter's difficulty in getting hired as a result of some school psychologist passing her mental health transcript to the company she applied to. I'm still in high school. The only hope of having some sort of self-worth for me is what I can work as in the future (the value of my labor and what I can do to support my family with that money), so having that as a possibility is really stressful since I'm kind of fucked up. Almost every day is a struggle for me though and I'm terrified of losing what few friendships I have, so I've been sitting on this.\n\n&#x200B;\n\ntldr; Is it worth it? Is there any risk from school therapy sessions to being employed?", "answer": "I recommend it. Therapy is confidential so only emergencies can be reported. Therapy is really helpful. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9mvvzc", "comment_id": "e7hr69y"}, {"question": "Supportive partner?", "description": "I made a business card my GF had nothing but dismissive contempt for it. I challenged this response and she said, \"Oh, you're a designer now?\", as if I shouldn't have any pride in the creation. I've made films so it's not like I have no visually artistic aspirations and I always find something to compliment in other's work. Am i too sensitive or is she disrespectful?", "answer": "inconsiderate and hurtful", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e2sn3", "comment_id": "di7b264"}, {"question": "My dad hung himseld in a hotel", "description": "Ever since that day my life has changed. I was one of the few who stood by him and he figured I could take it. Its been 6 years and im still barely hanging on. I want to kill myself cause the pain is too much not having him here. But my nieces and nephews and friends smiles keep me from doing it. I cant bring it upon myself to put them thru what ive been suffering from. Suicide is a permanent solution to lifes bullshit problems. \n\nEdit: FUCK REDDIT AND THEIR LACK OF EDIT FOR TITLES, himself***", "answer": "Those close to you can bring great joy and pain as you know. Are you looking just to share or would you like advice on something?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b1xjkc", "comment_id": "eioykbv"}, {"question": "Why does a drug addict tend to be compulsive about other things beyond just drugs?", "description": "I think it has to do with transfering the addiction and behavior pattern, but I'd like a more elaborate answer.\n\nI know someone who struggles with adiction to cocaine and is also compulsive about sex.\n\nHe's not an offender, of course, but he never refuses sex, sometimes seems to drown his sorrow in compulsive sex, and thinks almost every woman he meets wants to have sex with him. That's like this with all of his female friends, he has a \"crush\" on all of them at some point, but then respectfully gives up on it once he realizes it's just his mind.\n\nAnd he tends to act obssessive sometimes when he's involved with someone and overly focused on it. Like he's in a rush of violent energy. He once told me he was thinking of suicide just because his crush said she couldn't go out with him that day.\n\nHe's trying to treat this, but it may seem too hard to resist.", "answer": "You may want to search \"sensation seeking \" and see if it fits. Many people who are sensation seeking struggle with impulsive behavior in other areas.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h8o8yg", "comment_id": "fus0lbs"}, {"question": "How would you respond to this statement about AA?", "description": "Hi, guys. As some of you know, I'm divided about AA and I occasionally post things here so I can see what more experienced AAers think about them. I'm not trying to bash AA; I just want to make sure I've come to a good decision if I'm gonna hop aboard the program (I don't have a sponsor, I'm not working the steps, but I do go to meetings). \n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\"That's what people don't understand about 12-step - by convincing people they'll always be helpless addicts, they set them up to fail. Not knowing how to beat addiction on their own, they enter a cycle of relapse followed by dependency on AA group support. Eventually they become AA lifers.\n\nLike big religion, AA fosters fear of drinking which makes it only more likely that a drink will lead to relapse. Religious people say if you slip up, the devil will get you. Then people who get fed up with those religions, where do they have to turn but \"the devil?\" They think they're rebelling against the religion, but they're still taking part in it, just worshipping the bad god instead of the good one. Their world view is still dominated by the same religion.\n\nAA works the same way. The paradigm is a lifelong struggle for sobriety vs disastrous relapse. The god is the struggle for sobriety, the devil is the disastrous relapse. This mindset motivates people into disastrous relapse the same way bible-thumpers motivate people to become satanists. The relapse isn't a departure from AA, it's part of it. \n\nIf you can get out of that mindset, throw the entire AA paradigm aside and discover or rediscover your own power, you might find yourself having a drink and not relapsing. It's not hard to do, unless you believe it is.\"\n", "answer": "Rather be an AA lifer than living under a bridge or dead.\n\nI think wherever this quote came from the person picked what they wanted for their point from the text, no matter how out of context it may be. \n\nIf I'm being entirely honest, I am fuckin' scared of relapse. I don't see me not being scared of relapse for a very long time. Does this mean I cower in my room all day for fear of an alcoholic death, hell no. However, I know should I pickup a drink today that is a very real possibility.\n\nI also think that the \"helpless addicts\" remark is less fact based and more incendiary. If we were just helpless addicts then we wouldn't have the ability to appeal to the higher power of our understanding. Yet, we see repeatedly that no matter how long we take off, if we are alcoholic, we will find the exact same lows as our drinking took us before. So again, I'll sacrifice an hour a night 5 times a week if it means that I don't put another scar on my neck.\n\nNot to mention the other perks other than the \"lifelong struggle for sobriety\", such as the people and the better way of living, I can tell you that I am ten times the person I was when I was drinking. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1am3qj", "comment_id": "c8yyqsp"}, {"question": "148 days since my last drink. I am still missing my Gin and seltzer.", "description": "I have made it 148 days today. I know I am better off right now, but I want a drink. I know I should not have one and I have not. I think about having one all the time. I miss a good craft beer and I miss Gin. How do you ever get to where you don't miss the booze?\n\nEdit: spelling.", "answer": "For me it took ten steps.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1kaymr", "comment_id": "cbn5a43"}, {"question": "His(40m) parents refuse to meet me(30f)", "description": "We've been together a little more than a year, and have been living together for 6 months. My parents have pretty much welcomed him and his son to the family, and his parents flat out refuse to meet me, though he visits them weekly. Any advice on how to deal with this? I have spoken to my bf, and he understands my feelings but doesn't know what to say about it.", "answer": "My experience is that this is usually due to the circumstances under which you and their son got together. Sounds as though they have some hard feelings about the relationship.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1mycke", "comment_id": "ccdr40v"}, {"question": "Girl keeps catcalling me as a joke and im nOt into it", "description": "I (13f) keep getting catcalled and shit by a girl in my grade (8th btw)\nI'll me in math class and she'll say \"hey, your pretty hot! Can i date you?\" And then she'll start laughing and say \"just kidding haha\"\n\nIts getting on my nerves tbh. She asks if im dating anyone and constantly asks who my crush is. I tell her to stop and she wont. I cant tell if she likes me or if she's taunting me and it pisses me off. If she likes me, no big deal, tell her i dont like her move on. If shes taunting me (which im pretty sire she is) then that'll be harder to resolve. I just want to get through math class without being humiliated in front of everyone.", "answer": "Tell her again, firmly, to stop. \n\nThen go to your teacher or another trusted adult and ask them to talk to her about it. If it's making you uncomfortable it needs to stop.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e65u6e", "comment_id": "f9nzq6e"}, {"question": "What to do when this happens at a party?", "description": "Imagine you're at a party where you only really know one person. You're talking to your friend and another person comes up and starts talking to your friend. Do you stay and linger there, join in on their conversation, or try to find somebody else to interact with? What if the newcomer tells your friend to come with them? Would you follow them, or just stay behind? \n\nI honestly don't know what to do in these situations so I'd really appreciate any tips on how to act when this kind of thing happens! Note, I'm really bad at interacting with strangers so joining in on new conversations is difficult for me (unless I happen to find somebody who is standing alone). Thank you!", "answer": "Best thing to do is mingle. If you're trying to work on social skills, sometimes it's even better to not go with a friend or make it a point not to spend time with them. That way you're either forced to do one of two things. Deal with being lonely or face your fears and anxiety and approach others. It's easier for some people to make the choice to face their fears when the alternative is being alone. It's not so easy to make this choice if the alternative is a safety blanket of having your friend. \n\n\nI'd say walk around, talk to others who appear alone or if you overheard a group conversation about something you're interested about, join in. \n\n\nI was at a party the other night where I hardly knew anyone. I heard some Game of Thrones conversations going on, some Dungeons and Dragons conversations going on. I jumped right in! I'm not so lucky to be at parties with so many people with these niche interests of mine, but I'll usually jump into a music or sports conversation.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "blsm9s", "comment_id": "emrbh2h"}, {"question": "I dislike touching people. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable making escalating things with women hard. Advice?", "description": "Touching people makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable even mundane things like high-fives, hugs, holding hands or arms around shoulders. How do I get over this?", "answer": "I encourage you to take a ballroom or swing dancing class (or really any partner dancing style.) A partner dancing class will give you exposure to touching someone else in a safe, structured environment. My guess is that if you get a decent amount of exposure to touch, it will start to bother you much less.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "311x1j", "comment_id": "cpydqv6"}, {"question": "Annoyed/discouraged by tonight's meeting (rant)", "description": "I'm sorry - this is a rant. I'm aware that I've been a blackout drunk for a while now, and my boyfriend of 8 years is sick of it. It's at the point of giving me \"one last chance\" before I need to find somewhere else to live. I had a bad night of drinking on Monday and I decided to find a meeting on Tuesday. It was small; just 4 men and me, but it was helpful. They told me about another meeting on Wednesday, much larger and had a bunch of other women who all gave me their phone numbers at the end. Someone pointed me to the meeting I went to tonight, so I went. It was terrible. It felt so negative and unfriendly. The tone seemed to be, \"If you haven't hit rock bottom, get out, and if you're lucky, you'll come back.\" It was detailed \"drunk-o-logues\" and \"I didn't want to be here and I hated everyone in here and I drank in the parking lot after meetings.\"\n\nThe way I see it, the only thing keeping me from hitting rock bottom is that my boyfriend cares for me and has not kicked me out yet. But I don't know how long I can continue to drink until I black out every night before he really does, seriously, ask me to leave. I only drink to get drunk at home because I want to be in a safe place and not get in trouble with the law. I sought out the meetings to make sure I stop now to prevent anything really terrible from happening to me. I took the chip because I'm serious and I can't stop or cut back on my own. I pretty much like everything in my life except that we fight because of what I do/say when I'm drinking and I'm starting to have some health issues like high blood pressure. This is as bad as I want my life to get. This is where I stop drinking. \n\nBut this meeting really made me feel like \"rock bottom\" isn't until you've had your teeth kicked down your throat and woke up in jail, and then court-ordered to go to AA. Do I really need to share that kind of past to be in the program? Help! I'm so annoyed and confused!\n\nTL;DR: I tried to compare in, not to compare out, but I felt like I'm not a bad enough alcoholic to go to AA tonight and I'm confused.\n\nSorry for spelling/grammar issues - I'm frustrated and ranting.", "answer": "You're gonna run into this from time to time. Pissing contests are more common than I'd like to admit. Getting sober at 17 I'll occasionally run into the comment, \"I spilled more than you drank.\" I've been told to respond, \"maybe if you didn't spill so damn much you would've gotten here as quick as I did\" but the fact of the matter is I'm not there to qualify myself as an alcoholic, I'm there to give and hear solution, and if I'm lucky enough maybe help somebody out. Don't let people like this get you down.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1r6xzx", "comment_id": "cdkiyhc"}, {"question": "Girlfriend\u2019s dad caught us having sex", "description": "I\u2019ve been seeing this girl(20F), I\u2019m a guy(21M). We\u2019ve been seeing each other for about a month now, and we went to her place to watch a show. We got comfortable and ended up making out, etc.\nShe goes home to her parents place occasionally to check in with them/take care of her dog. She didn\u2019t this time.\nSo her and I, being independent adults, stayed up talking, but her dad apparently was looking for her and came banging on the door (apparently he\u2019d heard us from outside). It sounded pretty derisive from the bits I caught (he definitely cursed at her). I care about her and want to keep seeing her, but she was obviously distraught from being verbally berated, and I\u2019ve never been in that situation before (yes, not even in high school) because I\u2019ve been living on my own for the last 4 years, so I never really had to worry about parents coming. I did my best to comfort her, but she clearly needed to go.\nShe\u2019s awesome and I don\u2019t want this to stop us from seeing each other, but it seems like she\u2019s having a difficult time with family and has been trying to reconnect with them even before that situation. I\u2019ve never met her parents seeing as how we\u2019ve just started seeing each other a month ago.\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "First and foremost I'd suggest talking to her about the situation, how you feel about it, and what you guys mutually plan to do about it. \n\n\nDoes she or the both of you plan on confronting/having a conversation with her father over his reaction? Do you plan on ignoring it? How are you going to either handle situations like that in the future or how do you plan to avoid situations like that in the future? Are you both okay with the plan?\n\n\nAt your age, whether a person still lives with their parents or not and how to navigate the situation if they are is generally a MAJOR issue for the relationship and needs discussing. It can be a deal breaker for some folks and if it is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep4hmc", "comment_id": "feh1gou"}, {"question": "Seriously at my wits end with this fear", "description": "I've been dealing with this my whole life. I decided I was done living in fear and avoiding every little aspect of a good, fun life. I started exposure therapy two months ago and it helped with my hand washing and eating out at restaurants. But I still don't feel normal. I had to get a surgery done at the dentist yesterday and they brought me 4 antibiotic pills to swallow which I wasn't expecting. I started having a panic attack and explained to them why I was so afraid of taking them. They all just stared at me dumbfounded. I started hyperventilating and couldn't calm down even after they took the pills away. They had to help me breathe so I wouldn't pass out. I have never hyperventilated before in my life and that's when I realized I really do not have this anxiety under control. So I made an appt with a psychiatrist to hopefully prescribe me prozac that I used to take as a kid. But again, it's a pill... and I'm afraid. But it feels like my last option at a good life. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I'm so jealous of all my friends that can just get drunk and ride airplanes and rollercoasters like it's no big deal. I feel like this fear is all I am anymore. My life, my personality revolves around it and it's just so shitty I can't do anything without thinking about it. Sorry for the rant guys, I'm just so fed up.", "answer": "I'm sorry you're having such a rough time lately :( Know that some set-backs are normal though - progress in therapy doesn't happen in a straight line! Also, exposure therapy for a phobia can take awhile to create some real change. Two months isn't all that long, depending on how severe the phobia is. Keep pushing and don't be discouraged by this bump in the road! There is hope.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bf0uk1", "comment_id": "elatmeh"}, {"question": "Don't know who to talk to", "description": "Me and my husband of 5 years are going through a rough patch. I keep finding him speaking to women online, constantly complimenting their physical features in a way that a single man would. Saying things like \"the things he'll do To them or how he'd want to titty fuck the shit out of them. This isn't him at all... To give some back story, after having our daughter 3 years ago, I gained weight and now I'm fat. So my appearance isn't the same but he constantly tells me that he sees me the same. I've confronted him and he admitted to it but I'm having a hard time letting this go... What should I do...?", "answer": "marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5p717x", "comment_id": "dcoyxae"}, {"question": "Does anyone else feel like they \"know all the answers?\"", "description": "In both the \"I know what's wrong with me but there's NOTHING I can do\" way and the \"oh boy aren't I smarter and more intuitive\" kind of cocky way. I feel powerless against the anxiety that comes when I think about my last relationship which comes from lending too much identity which comes from not having a supportive family of my own which brings repressed memories of abuse which, full circle, provides anxiety. I have a pretty good idea of my own mind, but completely lack the skills to deal with it. Secondly, sometimes I feel more attuned to the \"vibe\" of a room than others. This has been a consistent phenomenon (others words, not mine.) Has anyone experienced anything like this? Sorry for rambling. Thanks.", "answer": "Yep. Also feel like I can read and understand people fast and succinctly. I feel like I \"get it\" and I'm super intelligent and that's why I'm unstable because nobody else gets it ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2y011j", "comment_id": "cp54exs"}, {"question": "Can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "This is really just a general question. Not sure if this is technically the place for it?? So please remove if not allowed.\n\nGender: female\nAge: 24\nMedications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify\n\nI was on Facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. I commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. I was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. I sort of stopped abruptly. For the lamotrigine I did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. The venflaxine I simply stopped taking. I know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight I guess I wasn\u2019t really thinking. I felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and I was having medical issues at the time that I associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). I was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when I stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. But I had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. They couldn\u2019t really do because I\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else. \n\nWhen I commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? I understand the withdrawal symptoms and I definitely think I\u2019m dealing with those. But kill me? That sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, I\u2019m not a doctor so IDK. So I\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "There are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.\n\nStopping an SSRI, SNRI, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. It can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. But still, not everyone has any problems. If you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.\n\nLamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. There\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. For most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.\n\nThe biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i\nIt sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. All of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. Ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fjgorwr"}, {"question": "Which of these is likely to boost mood? (32F)", "description": "\nHi. My wife has MS (32F, 168cm, 58kg) and life has been tough recently. She takes Sertraline, which helps, but recently she found something new. Through an odd situation we were sent unsolicited vitamins from a MLM scheme and they told us to just keep them. My wife tried them and found she was happier, more motivated and generally in a great mood. \n\nGetting these vitamins from the MLM scheme is extremely expensive and not an option. I bought, quality brand, vitamins, minerals, and supplements matching or exceeding the stated quantities for every one but the alternative do not give her the same boost as these vitamins do. So it must be something else in there and not just a specific vitamin etc.\n\nHere is the ingredients list: https://imgur.com/a/x7nLf2Z\n\nCan you see anything on there that jumps out as something that would significantly boost mood either on its own or in combination with Sertraline?", "answer": "Unfortunately there\u2019s minimal to no evidence behind any of these components for mood, and pills have a strong placebo effect for mood. It\u2019s also well demonstrates that the more expensive the placebo\u2019s sticker price, the better it works. Brains and minds are complex things.\n\nYou can find a lot of bad evidence online (including in this very post\u2019s comments!) on supplements and anti-inflammatory diets and keto and gluten. There\u2019s no *good* evidence for any of those. If there were, it would be standard of care.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j071hc", "comment_id": "g6p4in2"}, {"question": "[Serious] How can you focus on work when you have extreme tendencies to not do it.", "description": "Each year, I have been doing less work and piling more and more work. I keep telling myself I'll do it, but I just end of procrastinating and tell myself to quit and do it the next day.", "answer": "I think it's mostly about figuring out for yourself what you are avoiding, why precisely you are avoiding it, and why other things are more appealing. Clarity is the path to improvement I'd say. (e.g. when I say you should figure out why you are avoiding it, I am not pointing to an answer like \"I am too lazy\" or \"I don't want to\"; that's not a proper reason).", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7j1hkx", "comment_id": "dr33uu7"}, {"question": "[27/m] Awkward silences & difficulties when two Introverts start dating eachother.", "description": "I should preface this by saying that i've only ever dated extroverted people, they can often be quite tiresome and draining but they do bring out my social side. I like my social side, it's something I strive to bring out more; because I lost it many years ago. \n\nRecently however I started dating someone who is very introverted, a lot like me. Maybe even quieter. The quiet moments we spend in each others arms are some of the best i've experienced, but there's a glaring issue that I can't seem to get past. There is a lot of silence and It feels like too much silence. It *feels* awkward. But maybe that's just in my head. I get the feeling that both of us are thinking/worrying that the other person is finding it awkward, which makes it **more** awkward. \n\nI've had this issue with some of my more introverted friends before, but i've never dated someone that way. I did have a good idea in my head how it would probably be, and for the most part it's ended up true. She did warn me before hand that she is very quiet at first, but talks more as time goes on. But that doesn't seem to be the case, as it's just sort of stayed the same. She says that she finds me really easy to talk to, but there isn't much talking at all. So i'm quite confused.\n\nIt's strange because we have *so* much in common but we don't really talk about it. I've never been with someone who's had as much in common with me as she does, but in stark contrast it has the least conversation out of all previous relationships by far, even the ones with people I had very little in common with.\n\nNeither of us small talk particularly well either so there are extended silences. Especially during car rides where i'm focused on the road and struggle trying to come up with conversation topics. It also feels like i'm the one that has to try and spark up conversation, and I never really know what to say. If I don't do it, she rarely does and it feels like my attempts often end with a minute of dialogue and then back to silence because she answers quite bluntly and doesn't bounce the conversation back. I've always thrived in situations where the person i'm speaking to gives me enough information to ask a followup question, or asks me a followup question. It keeps the conversation flowing. But that just doesn't happen here. \n\nWe both really like each other and she's expressed interest in taking to a more serious level so i'd like to try and give this time to develop and try to make it work.\n\n**TLDR**: Are you an introvert that's dated someone more introverted than you? How did you make it work? Did you ever feel uncomfortable with the silences, did they feel awkward? Any videos on conversation advice that helped you would be welcome too.", "answer": "if there's silence, maybe do your own thing for a while...read a book, etc...and talk when there's something to say. accept it as part of who you are.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yhtvz", "comment_id": "dmnjekp"}, {"question": "I went to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting last night", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Three days down, great job! \ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffb you can do it, OP!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "epkuq0", "comment_id": "feklytk"}, {"question": "Can you take a kalms tablet after consuming caffeine?", "description": "Forgive me if I am writing this in the wrong subreddit, I am new to this. If it is in the wrong one, please tell me where to post.\n\nI am female, 22 years old, 5ft7, weigh 140lbs. \nI don't take any medications.\nDo not drink or smoke.\nNo serious medical issues. I have a persistent cough from a chest infection from two months ago. I also get heart palpitations sometimes.\n\nI suffer with anxiety and excessive sweating however, so I get very nervous and very sweaty in certain situations. \n\nI have my driving test coming up and I get extremely anxious when driving under pressure and I get sweaty palms so I will take a kalms tablet like an hour or so before the test.\n\n I was wondering if anyone else has taken one before their driving test and if it helped? Is it safe for me to take considering I get heart palpitations? I have had them checked out at the cardiologist and he put it down to anxiety. Does kalms make a big difference? I have never taken one before, so I don't know how I'll react to it on me on my test.\n\nBut my main question is, I was also wondering if I can have a coffee in the morning, then take the kalms right after? Would the caffeine affect it in any way? I need a coffee in the morning to function and my test is in the morning.\n\nKalms is a stress relieving tablet made from herbal remedies, and is supposed to be natural.", "answer": "Kalms pills contain an assortment of herbs. From what I can tell, none have any evidence of being effective for anything in particular. There's no reason you couldn't take it after coffee, but there's also no reason to expect it to do anything, with or without coffee.\n\nMy advice would be to save your money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cq0oh1", "comment_id": "ewsw4mb"}, {"question": "Therapists: do you ever have sessions where your client is lying down?", "description": "Like how you see in the movies basically, lol.\nLying down on a sofa or something with the head under a pillow.\n\nI always see it in movies but have never seen it in real life.\nI was on the phone talking to my nan about my anxiety, and I laid down on my bed and felt more comforted, so it seems like it works to some extent and I was wondering if it would be weird for me to ask my therapist if I could lie down during our sessions sometimes if I\u2019m talking about something that makes me anxious (whenever we go back to doing in-person appointments)", "answer": "That is pretty specific to psychodynamic therapy. If you would feel more comfortable, you should definitely ask. I have a couch, but am never directive with my patients. I have only had one person lie down.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hf6dib", "comment_id": "fw0546g"}, {"question": "Messed up", "description": "We have been married for 1.5 years and dated a year before that. We haven't had sex in last 1.5 years. In fact we had a bit just a bit like a couple of times. I have a high sex drive but my parter doesn't get turned on by my touch/kiss/talk anything. She is always scared of intercourse and we end up in a bad mood whenever I try to initiate. We had a bad fight last week and I told her that we have to solve this to get this relationship going. Last night she was working on her laptop and I told her that hey let's go and sleep together since we haven't slept at the same time for the whole week. She was like I want to work for an hour and then be in bed. I waited 50 mins and became too sleepy and just went up. I told her that we cannot solve it like this. She choose to keep working. What should I do I am really not feeling well about this. ", "answer": "you need marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z2j6v", "comment_id": "dms287b"}, {"question": "Burned face after one head CT scan", "description": "Hi, I'm a 28 year old female and this past year I went to the ED for headache and got a CT scan. While I was being scanned, it took everything in me to be still and not jump off the table, it was a horrible feeling going through my face, I could feel the scan itself. A few min after the scan was done parts of my face became very red. So for a few days after I had red spots on my face and lips that felt just like a sunburn. I wrote the hospital about this and they \"apparently looked into it\" and checked the radiation levels of the machine and said it was working normally and that I got a normal dose of radiation. Is this bullshit or are some people just extra sensitive to CT scans? Thanks!!", "answer": "This sounds like an unrelated thing. You can't feel a CT, and a CT is not a variable radiation source. I suspect that some other skin reaction happened just as you were getting the scan. Insect bites, contact dermatitis, or something of the sort.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e9u0qy", "comment_id": "fam3xvz"}, {"question": "Need Resources ASAP! Starting to affect mental health.", "description": "19 years old\nMale\n5.9\n233 pounds\nWhite\n\nI'm currently living in Tennessee\n\nThrowaway for obvious reasons. I've been dealing with a STD for about a month now on my mouth and the head of my penis. \n\nSmall white bumps. \n\nit's made me into a recluse and is starting to affect my mental health. I don't know where to start looking for resources at all. My question is where and what kind of doctor should I call and bring this up with? Need responce ASAP.\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "See your primary care doctor whether it's a pediatrician, family practitioner, or internist. This is one of the reasons to have a primary doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9yiv0z", "comment_id": "ea1qw5t"}, {"question": "How the fuck do you hold conversation?", "description": "I have this problem where I can't really make any new friends thanks to me, failing to hold conversation. I'm sick of relying other people to be very talkative and just responding with filler words. Ive been stuck with the same friends for years. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful to have them in the first place but I feel like I'm starting to grow apart from them. I feel so alone and its all my fault. Thanks to me, struggling with meeting new people, keep eye contact, talk until you're comfortable with them etc. There are times where I just feel like I rather be alone than to talk to people. But why do I feel like this? I don't want to be by myself but sometimes I can't help but to only have myself as company.\n\nThere are times I know the other person just doesn't want to talk to me because I bring up generic topics to talk about (how are you doing? Any plans for today? What are you up to now?). But I don't know how to talk... I've been like this for years now. \n\nI don't want to stay alone because I end up overthinking everything and think the world hates me. Why the fuck am I like this? I need help!", "answer": "A couple thoughts (I skimmed through other comments, apologies if I\u2019m repeating anyone) \n\n- the way you experience yourself and the way other people experience you are often very, very different. While you may feel the silences or the eye contact are awkward, your friends might not be thinking twice about it. While you think you\u2019re no good at carrying a conversation, other people might not think this at all. Sometimes we can get really fixated and anxious about a certain topic, and analyze it in minute detail in a way that other people just aren\u2019t. If you have a friend who it feels comfortable to talk to about this kind of stuff, maybe you could just ask. Read this post to him. Tell him you\u2019d like honest feedback. The absolute worst case scenario is that they say they\u2019ve noticed some awkwardness but aren\u2019t particularly bothered by it (because if it absolutely drove them NUTS and was completely unbearable, they would have found a way to stop interacting with you by now.) \n\n- So maybe you learn you are a little awkward, or you\u2019d still like to build some conversational skills regardless of what your friend says. This is totally fine! We\u2019re all born and learn varying degrees of various skills, and need more assistance/coaching in some areas than others. It doesn\u2019t help that our public schools provide basically zero education on relationships and healthy socialization past kindergarten. I mean, if it\u2019s an area that you already have a bit of difficulty in, and it has been largely neglected by most every adult in your life growing up in favor of pure academics, well...it\u2019s no wonder that TONS of people struggle with with socialization/relationships in one way or another. In a lot of ways, it is a skill that needs to directly taught, not just picked up on through observation and inference growing up. That\u2019s my opinion/mini-rant anyway. Can you tell I have a passion for social/emotional education? \ud83d\ude02 it\u2019s kind of my professional jam. \n\nANYWAY!! All of that said - if you\u2019ve found that there\u2019s a skill you struggle with or would like to improve in, study it! Depending on your comfort level, this might mean at first just reading some books or maybe taking an online workshop on communication skills. While I don\u2019t have suggestions off the top of my head, I guarantee you these exist and a quick google search will give you more results than you want. Just be sure to research the quality of the product before you buy it, just like you would with anything else. Read reviews and investigate the credentials and work/educational background of the author or workshop facilitator. This will help you to avoid the wacky, pseudoscience-y, or just generally crappy and unhelpful sources that are inevitable and prolific in the \u201cself help\u201d world. \n\n- If it doesn\u2019t feel like too much of a stretch, it would be great to find someone to practice on/with. After all, the skill you\u2019re trying to learn does directly involve other people, so independent learning will only take you so far (again, in my opinion. I don\u2019t have definitive research I can quote, but I have been working in this field for 13 years so, I do kind of know what I\u2019m talking about - usually \ud83d\ude02). So, this person could be a friend or family member who\u2019s willing to help out, but you might be more comfortable for a variety of reasons if you find some type of \u201cprofessional\u201d to work with. No risk of judgment, you get their full attention, and they will have had at least some training in how to talk to people and can probably give better feedback. This could be a therapist, or someone like a life coach/mentor. Just keep in mind that people who market themselves in the coach/mentor field do NOT have to have clinical training and don\u2019t have to answer to an accrediting body. This might be totally fine with you as you don\u2019t necessarily need the clinical side of things, but it\u2019s something to keep in mind. They also aren\u2019t going to identify or treat any potential mental health symptoms that could be impacting your social life. At most, they might refer you to a licensed therapist, but they generally have only basic mental health first aid training and only know to identify and refer for obvious mental health crisis type symptoms. Eek my bias areis showing. Ok, I think you\u2019d get the most bang for your buck with a licensed therapist. Truth. \n\nI\u2019m a therapist, and I\u2019ve totally done this type of work with people of all ages and all walks of life. A therapist can provide feedback and suggestions, model appropriate social skills, work with you to rehearse/practice for specific social situations that you might be extra anxious about, and if needed help you work on self-esteem/building more realistic and less anxiety-based or deprecating self-talk, and other anxiety symptoms if you have that going on (I\u2019m in no way providing or suggesting a diagnosis here, so please no finger wagging or lectures, my fellow therapists. Just giving an example!) 9 times out of 10, the folks who are diligent, consistent, and at least somewhat willing and open-minded will find that the work they do in therapy around this type of concrete skill building leads to a tangible, measurable improvement and overall comfort in using the skill (again no citation, just going off of my overall experience).\n\n- Another suggestion, which could be done in conjunction with or instead of therapy: join some type of self-help, support, or social group, maybe one run by a facilitator and specific to building social skills, or maybe just a group for your demographic or interests (college student, married with children, POC, gamer, documentary buff, whatever you may be). This will give you a ready-made group of people to practice on (whether they know it or not!) who you already know have some similar interests or life experiences \u2014 aka, easy and obvious conversation topics! Some people are especially comfortable practicing in groups where they don\u2019t know anyone because it\u2019s pretty low risk. If it\u2019s too difficult, you can always leave, and you aren\u2019t responsible for or beholden to anyone. \n\nWowzers, this got very long. Please forgive me, OP and others slogging through the comments. I am a therapist who is currently stuck at home on bedrest due to a complicated pregnancy, and I clearly miss my work, and have a lot of free time on my hands. \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02\n\nGood luck OP!\n\n(Edited for several typos that I would have lost sleep over)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "c6q9v1", "comment_id": "esawn3q"}, {"question": "Suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. Please help!", "description": "Age: 18\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\u20192\nWeight: 100lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: A few months\nLocation: Around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when I had an ileostomy as an infant\nExisting medical issues: Crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above)\nCurrent medications: Effexor 150 mg daily.\n\nI\u2019d just like to add that I\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. I think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. No one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. No one wants to operate on me and I\u2019m at a loss. One doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. We just want an answer so I can have my quality of life back. Can you suggest what it could be or what I can do? I\u2019m lost, and I can\u2019t live like this forever.\n\nThank you, \n Sydney Toscano \n\n\n", "answer": "Adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. If you have Crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. What did he/she say?\n\nI would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. All too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "egcqo4g"}, {"question": "I feel things deeply and suddenly, so I just wanted to give a shoutout to all my ADHD brothers and sisters who cry like pregnant women...", "description": "...and if you're pregnant with ADHD, just know everything will be okay :)", "answer": "Hahaha I love this and I often go to write a post like this.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "by0q6m", "comment_id": "eqbtda2"}, {"question": "I know panic attacks can feel like heart attacks, but...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "It sounds a bit wierd, but not sinister. The normal ECG/EKG is reassuring.\n\nAny significant changes in your lifestyle over the past few weeks?\n\nDo you get any symptoms suggestive of indigestion or heartburn?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xg5ji", "comment_id": "dei6wen"}, {"question": "Is there a way to stop kicking in my sleep so my wife can sleep more peacefully?", "description": "I kick, toss, turn, and twitch so much in my sleep I often need to migrate to the couch or another bed in the middle of the night to allow my wife to rest properly. I disturb her sleep so much it alters her entire mood the next day. I feel terrible disturbing her so badly. It hasn't caused any marital problems or notable issues (aside from irritability) as of yet but I don't want it to lead to anything that could cause any sort of separation between us. \n\nAre there any solutions to sleeping more soundly or controlling my restlessness so we can continue sharing our bed together? Do any experts know what may be causing this to begin with? ", "answer": "Oh god, sleeping next to my SO is like sleeping in a canoe full of badgers. We're moving soon, so I did some research on this, under the idea that we might get a new bed, mattress, etc. when we move. That or I will start to drug him.\n\n- Apparently if the offending party takes melatonin, this helps some\n- An old spring mattress + boxspring + crappy frame is the worst combo for motion transfer, which is what we have, hooray. Apparently any improvement on any of these factors helps.\n- Memory foam mattresses, and slat-based frames are better. Twin mattresses side-by-side are supposedly the best.\n- Even a memory foam topper helps some -- you sink in so the crazy sleeper can't move as much.\n\nhttp://www.sleeplikethedead.com/mattress-isolation.html had some useful info too in terms of mattress types\n\nDisclaimer: we haven't actually tried any of these yet.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "445pno", "comment_id": "cznn5e7"}, {"question": "I'm replacing weed with alcohol and that is not good", "description": "When I am in Boston for my last semester of school, I literally do not know what to do with myself on the weekends. During the week\nI get out of the house and am so busy so smoking temptations are not present. On the weekend, I have nothing to occupy my time, and I am drinking more. The temptation to smoke is so much higher as well.\n\nAny tips for surviving the weekends? Today is day 6. I'm gonna head back to bed for a nap and hopefully when j wake up I will be motivated to do stuff. \n\nUPDATE: Day 7 without weed, day 1 without alcohol. I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this weekend, but I am feeling so much better about myself. Going to read a book before bed, give myself some relaxing time before I go to sleep. I feel absolutely amazing at the end of a hard weekend.", "answer": "You can't just expect to remove a large part of your life that involved habit and self comfort, without having a replacement. Something healthy. Friends, family, a relationship, sports or gym or exercise, etc... Something to occupy your time", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "42b65f", "comment_id": "cz8zvze"}, {"question": "please, just read.", "description": "i've been in a really bad place for a while now and seeing the positivity on here makes me the slightest bit more happy. it's as if people can *see* me, even though there are so many users behind screens. just wanted to **get that off my chest**", "answer": "I love you and you are not alone", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d8bsy", "comment_id": "dpw9mmk"}, {"question": "Easy Social Tip Thread", "description": "Hey guys lets gather round and post some simple social tips we've learned on our journeys of self improvement. Think things that that are immediately applicable and and easy to implement. I'll start:\n\nInstead of pointing at someone during a conversation, which can come across as aggressive and rude, gesture at them with an upward facing palm and outstretched fingers, as if you're presenting something to them. Doing this in lieu of pointing will make you seem much more open and less standoffish. ", "answer": "Make deliberate goals, and practice specifically to achieve those goals. If you go to the golf course and swing your club randomly, you're never going to get better. But if you go and deliberately practice part of your swing, you will get better. \n\nSame thing with social skills--set realistic goals, figure out the baby steps that lead to your goal, and practice practice practice. \n\nIf you need more advice, [this](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/foundations/where-are-you-going) is a good resource on setting social skills goals.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "11p7td", "comment_id": "c6oi3v2"}, {"question": "Am I strange or has someone else had a similar idea?", "description": "As a person who suffers from depression;\nI wonder if it is ever possible that suicide could be legally allowed and/or treated in the same way that euthanasia is. Of course as it stands euthanasia is only legal in Switzerland but the right to die is gaining more support globally. \n\nI'm not saying that people under the age of 21 should be helped in ending their life or that we should stop trying to help those who are suicidal. However if a person makes the decision to no longer wishes to be alive, and has attempted medication and or therapy for longer than or equal to a 12 week period of time; they should be allowed to make that decision.There should still be a waiting period, as people may change their mind. I also don't believe that taxpayers should pay for this but the individual. I would certainly prefer to die in a controlled environment, that is mostly painless rather than a long and/or extremely painful way. \n\nThis is just my opinion of course, but I wonder has anyone had similar thoughts ?", "answer": "Twelve weeks? Therapy can take longer than that to have effect, and when trying medications, twelve weeks might be enough to try two thoroughly. \n \nNot to mention that even chronic depression comes in waves. People usually commit suicide when they very recently started an antidepressant or their depression is beginning to lift. The reality is that there are many things to try when dealing with mental illness, and suicide is a solution you can't undo. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "239tlx", "comment_id": "cgvc863"}, {"question": "Meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "But didn't! She asked how I was doing and I answered her truthfully.... But omitted what was really weighing on me. Idk why. She followed off of what I did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.\n\nWhat's really on my mind: I recently reconnected with someone I used to hookup with. He gave me a blank check for where to take things. I think?? I like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. So I've been fussing over how to handle things.\n\nI have a sense of how I want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. I even second guess the best manner to tell him what I have in mind (in person, or over text). In the end, I figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. So I switched to telling him I'd describe it to him later today over text.\n\nOverall I'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. It's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as I can tell (even if he's open to dating, which I'm second guessing).. whereas when I like someone I get super psyched out (if you can't tell).\n\nI'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). Which is why I've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" And if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. But intentionally dating is scary to me. For risk of rejection I suppose.\n\nI want everything to be chill but I'm just not. Chill. Lol :')", "answer": "Sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. If you were my client (I\u2019m a therapist), I might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. And figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure. \n\nMost people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. This is why things change. If people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. The other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. Let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the You you think they want. Am I making sense?\n\nYou may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then I\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. Best of luck! New relationships can be fun! You can always go in with I\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "eezd56a"}, {"question": "My (24F) fiance (M28) wants a prenup. Concerned about the premise already.", "description": "My fiance and I are getting married in about a year. We just moved across the county to pursue an opportunity in his career. I quit my job (which I loved) so we could do this. It was a mutual decision we made (I'll make the sacrifice this time, he'd do the same for me someday), but I'm just adding that to illustrate some of the current life situation for us. \n\nHe requested a prenup. Neither of us have debt, or in my opinion, THAT many assets. He does have some money saved and inherited and stuff which he wants to protect, and I am fine with that and told him a long time ago that I'm willing to sign a prenup. \n\nBut apparently he expects me to split the cost of getting the prenup made with him. I feel like I have nothing to gain from a prenup, and if he wants to protect his money from me, he should be the one paying for it. We always split costs in our relationship, but this is one that I'm not on board with investing my own money into. \n\nWe don't have the documents drafted yet, but he has mentioned expecting me to waive alimony in the event of a divorce. After doing more research, I don't know if I should be quick to say yes to that, because I'm already making sacrifices in my career for his. If this trend continues, where will that leave me? Alimony exists for a reason. I have no idea what our life circumstances will be by the time (and if) we get divorced. \n\nI am totally ok with the concept of a prenup. But part of that reason is because I have always thought of prenups as a way to make sure both people are going to be OK in the event of a divorce. I don't want him to be screwed if we get divorced. I expected him to feel the same way toward me. \n\nI was so flabberghasted when he told me (his fiance who just quit her job to follow him across the country and is now unemployed and searching for a new job) that we were splitting the $5,000 cost of the prenup creation, that I haven't expressed any of these objections yet.\n\nI don't want to sound like I'm in this for the money, so I've been afraid to push back much. But, come on right? Shouldn't the person proposing the prenup pay for it? And is it totally crazy to refuse to waive the right to pursue alimony in the event of a divorce? \n\nEDIT: $5,000 estimate did not come from an attorney, it came from his dad telling him what to expect.\n\nEDIT: Added a little more context.", "answer": "If you need a prenup you're starting out with distrust. What's the point, really.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l1iz6", "comment_id": "djqibyw"}, {"question": "Who diagnoses things?", "description": "Something has always been off and I have seen multiple therapists over the years, but none of them have told me what's wrong with me. After 10 years of (I suspect) depression and 5 years of suicide ideation, I know there is something wrong. I say 'suspect' because no one has diagnosed me with depression, even though a psychiatrist prescribed me Zoloft in college. I declined, because I thought it was fishy that upon my first meeting with him he prescribed me medication without officially diagnosing me. Who do I speak to in the mental health community that can tell me what's going on?", "answer": "Therapists, PhD psychologists, and psychiatrists can make diagnoses. Depression is typically pretty obvious and easy to assess for. I would suggest seeing a therapist, letting them know you would like to pursue a diagnosis in order to name what you have been feeling is 'off' for such a long time. \nThey will likely do an assessment that will take anywhere from one hour to 3 sessions to complete. They may ask you to do some testing as well. After all that you should schedule a session to review their diagnoses that they think you meet criteria for, and give you recommendations for therapy and/or treatment. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "852q6e", "comment_id": "dvuai8z"}, {"question": "Planning groups for adolescents...", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I'd recommend asking in /r/psychotherapy", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejk5y6", "comment_id": "fd0m5pz"}, {"question": "Possible Conversion Disorder", "description": "My mom is 48F, 5\u20192\u201d, 171 lbs, Caucasian. She\u2019s been having insanely bad head pain since 2-14 and we\u2019ve been to the ER 4 times and our local neuroscience group twice. CT scan, MRV, MRI, and spinal taps have all come back 100% clean and nothing is medically endangering her. What I believe is triggering this from some research I did is repressed memories being turned into physical symptoms. Her mother passed away about 25 years ago and recently her father was in a car crash and being unresponsive to physical therapy saying things like \u201cit isn\u2019t worth it\u201d. I think what happened to her dad is triggering memories of her mother\u2019s death and that process, therefore causing these physical symptoms. Is this something I can make a case to a doc about to see if they can make a treatment plan? I hate seeing my mom in this much unbearable pain over this long of a time period. They\u2019ve tried a plethora of different medications and injections. They even did an occipital nerve block and nothing is lasting more than a few hours. She does have a history of headaches and migraines. Depression has also plagued her for a long time. Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Pain is not conversion disorder. Definitionally, conversion or functional neurological disorder is not only pain as a symptom.\n\nShe could be having physical pain as a manifestation of emotional pain. That\u2019s also a fairly common trigger for migraines. It sounds like doctors are already working on her headache. Adding a \u201cnon-medical\u201d cause doesn\u2019t clarify or help anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7maqy", "comment_id": "ficb2lp"}, {"question": "I desperately want to communicate with my dad, but I'm scared", "description": "TL;DR - I miss my dad now more than ever. He did a huge part in raising me right when my mom was having trouble raising me (divorced). Certain events made me stop calling him and it's eating at me. It has been around 8 years since I last spoke to him. I am 23. He probably had an idea of what he wanted to do as a father - watching his children grow up into responsible adults. And I very selfishly took that from him. I hate myself for it.\n\nFirst off, a little about me. I've always had a fear of being close to people. I later grew up to find out that I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder. I am on government disability because I can't work. I am gay, but almost entirely anti-sexual due to my disabilities. One of my hardest challenges is answering the phone, which lead to me not talking to my dad anymore. Even IMing over Facebook is painfully difficult for me. I once tried to contact my dad on Facebook but it went very wrong. Basically, my stepmom intervened and shunned me for being gay and owning a 2nd, private Facebook account to avoid my family. More details on my stepmom later.\n\nMy dad. Basically, he's old fashioned. Watches TV, doesn't use a cell phone, barely uses a computer. Hunts, fishes, 4-wheeler. Air Force. Majorly disciplined-based. Hates gay people, hates anybody you would call a \"snowflake\". Very laid-back. Not very understanding of abnormalities in people, I guess. But he's an excellent father. He never did anything wrong to me, despite our differences. Blocking him out of my life is easily my worst mistake.\n\nMy stepmom. I spent 5 years with her and my dad. I tried so very hard to gain her respect and love. She was very emotionally neglecting. Not abusive, but absent. She also started drinking alcohol, which ultimately ended in her kicking me and my brother out of the house while my dad was stationed in Korea (Air Force). My brother and I tried so hard with her, but our dad didn't see what we were going through. He always sided with her - even that night we got kicked out. I was 14 and my brother was 16. We had to spend the night at our neighbor's house while my mom came overnight to get us. I hate blaming people, but I do single-handedly blame her for the severity of my relationship with my dad. If she hadn't gotten drunk and kicked out her mid teenaged step children, none of this would have happened. My dad would have come back from Korea and continued to be a great father. I could go on about this nonstop, so I'll just force an end with that.\n\nFinally, my relationship with my dad and how it has affected me. I was 15 or 16 when I last spoke to him. I think about him almost every day. And when I do, it's dreadfully painful for me. I love him to death but I don't have the courage or willpower to even write him a letter. I'm terrified of what he will say to me. What if I finally do it and he blames me for blocking him out? What if he has finally gotten over me leaving and no longer wants to communicate with me?\n\nMy biggest fear is that he will get sick or even grow old and I miss the years of opportunity to fix this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I'm so scared.", "answer": "Well my friend; I'm a therapist and this is about the most thoughtful, mature post I've ever read.\nWe can't control what other people do and think. So we have to act based on our own thoughts and feelings first and foremost. The important thing is you have the maturity, and the sensitivity, and the intelligence to process all of this painful stuff. So I would suggest you act on your heart, which is your desire to contact him and explore the possibilities of a good future as father and son. You have to be fully mentally prepared for anything, since his psyche is an unknown variable. He could do or say anything; from ignoring you, to being vitriolic, and everything in between. William Faulkner said \"between grief and nothing, I will take grief\". If the worst scenario occurs, than your Dad has lots of permanent inadequacies, totally unrelated to you. If the result is fair to great, then I think you answered the call of your generous spirit.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjts6", "comment_id": "ddn1xpl"}, {"question": "Are ozone injections safe?", "description": "Female, 60 years old, unknown height, slightly overweight, and caucasian.\n\nMy mum has a strong tendency to believe even the wildest quackery, and she recently phoned me to tell me that a friend of hers recommended she go get ozone injections in her joints \"to regenerate carthilage\" or something to that effect.\n\nI understand that inhaling ozone is toxic, but I don't know about injecting it. Is it safe? If so, is it even useful?\n\nI expressed my reservations about the whole thing, but unfortunately, she doesn't listen to a word I say.\n", "answer": "It isn't useful. It isn't extremely dangerous, since people apparently do this and don't drop dead, but this \"therapy\" probably has some acute risk and more chronic risk. You know all the hype about antioxidants? Ozone is an oxidant. That's probably what mediates its toxicity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9fccxo", "comment_id": "e5veo2l"}, {"question": "Bad Globus sensation. Should I see a doctor?", "description": "Ok, quick rundown. I am an 18 year old female with really bad anxiety. I've been having what I think is severe Globus sensation. It started after some incredibly bad dry mouth from meds I am taking for the anxiety. However, I am afraid that my throat might be closing up. Is it possible?", "answer": "Still alive?\n\nAs you probably know, it's your anxiety doing this. What dose of mirtazapine are you on at the moment? Ever tried to learn some CBT techniques for anxiety (www.llttf.com)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rwn1n", "comment_id": "dl9vsm1"}, {"question": "My (29F) new guy (29M) doesn't initiate affection and I think maybe we're just not compatible...", "description": "Hi there. \nWe have been friends for a year and over the last 3 months we have been getting steadily more and more romantic. He was living some hours away until about a month ago, he moved to my neighborhood. So now we hang out several times a week and chat a bit every day and we have a really special connection. We generally just get each other and we can talk about everything and we have so much fun. It's been really intense. Also at some point (~1 month ago) I made him choose between friendship and romance - because it was rather ambiguous to me, and he is a bit of the \"flows with the wind\" kinda guy (obviously he chose romance). He got out of a long-termer back in November and was planning on only spending 3 months in my town because of his job (he chooses to move around because he wants to explore the country). So I think he wasn't interested in rushing into anything. Now, he says he might extend his stay here.... So yes, I know he's into it. \n\nI find tho that he doesn't initiate affection. Eg. he comes over and he sits on my couch and I go to kiss him and he turns his head, and I get upset. This happens kinda often. He says he's just not into kissing. He'd rather snuggle/cuddle and prefers touch over kiss. Ok..maybe. But I can't help that I get upset if you don't kiss me, or return the kiss. Maybe this is growing pains from transitioning from a friendship to a romantic relationship.\n\nAlso last night someone asked us if we're a couple, and he said, \"....kinda\". Am I being too needy? Am I requesting too much too soon? \n\nWhat do you think? \n", "answer": "1- you have a right to know what he consider this friendship. Push for definition and clarity.\n\n2- some people don't like kissing. talk to him and see if there's some wiggle room on that front/", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6oo3g5", "comment_id": "dkiuqyt"}, {"question": "What do you believe caused your emetophobia?", "description": "I recently have been spending a lot of time thinking about what may have caused my emetophobia.\n\nI am 28 now and have had generalized anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, which I have been in therapy for since I was 18. I did see a school counselor since the age of 6 for anxiety as well, before that. I don't know if GAD came first or emet. Chicken or the egg.\n\nIt almost feels like it is on the tip of my tongue what caused it but I can't pin it down. Or maybe it's a variety of things. I did have a very bad illness when I was in elementary school that lasted a week, so perhaps that was the traumatizing event. I also remember being sick in a public mall when I was little (maybe 4 or 5) and I distinctively remember my mom pulling me out of the mall sternly saying \"WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?\" in regards to me being sick. (I also remembered thinking, \"I don't know, mom! I didn't want it to happen!)\n\nI also remember an incident early on in my childhood (2nd grade or so) where I didn't want to go to school for weeks because a child in my class had been sick.\n\nFinally, my mom had a very strict parenting style. Shove all problems under the rug and appear perfect type of perfectionism needed at all times. I do believe this plays into my emetophobia because I don't like not being in control myself now, and being sick is my ultimate loss of control.\n\nSorry for the musings. I am just trying to make sense of it all. How could anxiety, especially emetophobia, happen to me at such a young age? Is it all parenting? Genetics? A mix?\n\nDoes anyone know for sure what caused their phobia?", "answer": "I've had this phobia for as long as I can remember (I'm 22 now). I think part of it is related to my older sister having IBS and being lactose intolerant from a young age. We used to share a room as kids and she would tell me about how sick eating dairy made her. I distinctly remember her telling me that it sometimes made her throw up so hard that she passed out. Likely she was just exaggerating, but that might have affected me. I also have a type A, anxiety-laden type of personality, though the general anxiety might be more of a result from the emetophobia.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "5lxmup", "comment_id": "dcnfwvx"}, {"question": "Getting my friend sectioned. What can he take with him?", "description": "I'm looking to go out and buy my friend a few things before he gets sectioned to hopefully ease his time there. He's into writing and drawing, so I was thinking about getting him a few art supplies, but I don't know what the policy is on pointy objects like pencils. I'm really not sure if they allow you to bring in anything at all.\n\nI was going to pick up a few graphic novels, too, but will he be able to take them? Will violent themes be an issue? Will I be able to bring board or card games while visiting? \n\nAny help would be appreciated. The websites I've found don't really seem to cover this part.", "answer": "Before he gets sectioned? Is he not going in voluntarily? How do you know that he will be sectioned?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kauav", "comment_id": "dbn89w0"}, {"question": "Tapering of Zoloft; necessary after 4 days?", "description": "I'm a male, 71 kgs, 5ft9 and 23 years old. I've been on 25 mg of sertraline (zoloft) for the past 4 days. However due to really bad side effects i was advised to stop taking the pills. Should i 'taper off' after such a short amount of time? \n\nHow should i proceed if i have to taper off? Could i experience withdrawal effects? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you very much in advance. ", "answer": "No, there's no need to taper off after such a short time or such a low dose.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9inono", "comment_id": "e6l7xew"}, {"question": "Are all community colleges like this?", "description": " I have started a college application process a thousand times, have given up before, accidentally skipped steps, and deadlines etc etc. I barely graduated high school and didn't think/told by high school I have what it took to go to college and suggested trade school.\n \nAt 20 they diagnosed me with adhd -hyperactivity, I tried telling my parents as a kid but they said excuses excuses, I have been taking meds like a year-ish.... \n I\n decided to do a last college application to a local community college. \n \n This time I did complete all requirements, before deadlines, I took a placement test (because I stunk up a.c.t's) cramming a day before, and scored decent besides algebra, qualified to take accelerated courses and have associates degree/transfer in a year (decided against this). I had a plan.\n \n Until they forgot to process me, literally. I talked to counseling Monday she claimed that \"I'd be able to register Tuesday\". I gave them 2 days. Then I stayed up all last night trying to thinking maybe I didn't do a part correctly but continously denied \"system error you don't have student credentials.\" I called and they said they didn't process me, I had to hold and they did it then, pretty much they forgot... I have to wait a hour before I am supposably able to register, it hasnt passed yet but I have doubts. They tried bumping my start date to 2018 a couple weeks after I applied too. \n\nYes they are a legitimate school, accredited and all. Shockingly and classes begin Sunday.\n\n I know this isn't necessarily adhd related but I am irritated and had to vent, granted I am a little last second too. But I work summers and they don't start to do testing until July. I think I am going to jump start a January semester university application to be safe. \n\n\n\nUPDATE : I decided to go to a different campus, they looked and said that guidance didn't clear it and said I talked to them, to accept to that program. I tried there and reception sucked, low and behold at home I continue to be denied classes. They are calling today and I and praying I can do it yet, today absolutely last day.", "answer": "If you have a diagnosis of ADHD, ask about specialized services for those with learning disorders. In California, we have community colleges with EOPS (Extended Opportunity Programs) where you receive additional assistance with the admissions process,registration,books etc. Not sure if that is also your state but absolutely ask about that. Community college can be very confusing as the student is expected to initiate the process. \n**Here is a link to EOPS for CA**\nhttp://extranet.cccco.edu/Divisions/StudentServices/EOPSCARE.aspx ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vrkvb", "comment_id": "dm32eu5"}, {"question": "Has any medication helped your emetophobia?", "description": "I have a meeting with my psychiatrist next week to decide if I should start new medication or not. I really don\u2019t think my current medication is helping me with my intrusive thoughts. Does medication work for any of you? I need some hope right now because my emetophobia is debilitating.", "answer": "Medication can be a huge pet of treatment especially when added to therapy. I\u2019d encourage you to look into exposure therapy for emetophobia it could really make a big difference.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "jl7q5u", "comment_id": "gantsor"}, {"question": "Have been having disgusting fantasies about my daughter, need help", "description": "I am a (40M) and my wife is also (39F),we have one kid who is (15F).\n\nI have been feeling this for about 2 years now, it started with dreams about doing unsolicited things to my daughter, these usually wiped from my memory after about two hours after waking up. But recently it's been happening often and the content of these disturbing dreams is getting more and more unon consensual and violent.I feel very guilty because always I seem to know that it's my daughter that I'm dreaming about but I can't seem to stop the fantasy until i wake up.\n\nI am married and my we fulfill each other's needs.i grew up masturbating to films with rape scenes, and I think Its stuck in me now. I feel so guilty because not only am I a rapist, but my daughter is also very small.I haven't been able to look my wife in the eyes and I think she notices I'm being dodgy and very self aware[wrong word, but I am very conscious when my girl is in the room].I am scared if she confronts me,I don't know if she will see me the same way again.\n\nI read on another forum that it's a normal human complex for teenage boys to have sexual feelings for their mother, but could not find anything on fathers to their daughters.if anyone asks,I am NOT a paedophile[hopefully]. But recently,I have started finding my daughter and her friends attractive (or a better way to say it is I have started being \"aware' of how attractive they are. I haven't felt this sort of attraction to 12-19 year old girls in my life and I feel so guilty. And I WILL ASSURE YOU, I am not capable of violence, so do not worry that I won't control my urges. Because I know someone will start threatening to report me to the authorities when I haven't done anything wrong\n\nI can't see my daughter the same way again, I hoped things would go back to normal and id forget about these dreams, but it's been getting worse.and not just in a weird/alien fantasy way, after having repeated dreams of rape,I can't look her in the eyes and I always start unintentionally picturing her naked. It's unbearable after this quarantine where we have to be in the same house at one time for weeks, this never happens because she's got her school and i gob to work and I eat and basically live at work, so I only see her once a day when I return . When we went to the beach last year, my chest felt so heavy because my daughter was in a swimsuit and I felt so \"low\"\n\nComing to the point of the post: how do I test the waters before telling my wife this? She is American brought up, and they have a very strong, no tolerance attitude towards violence, ESPECIALLY involving minors. Should I keep it a secret because some things are better unspoken of? I am so afraid she won't see me the same again, I've never felt such a distance between us. is there a way to tell her the way I feel towards her (daughter) and her friends and generally her age group? I think it's very unlikely, but I feel terrified that she will take measures to keep my own daughter away from me and possibly even move out. In the 18 years we've been together, I have never felt like this.\n\nIs this normal for people my age?I did a lot of research on paedophilia and it says most experienced sexual abuse at a young age, which I have not. For others who have experienced this, does it go back to normal so I don't feel aroused (disgusting, I know) when my girl sits on my lap? Am I or could I be a danger to children(even though I know I wouldn't hurt a fly)?\n\nPlease, please consider my point of view. I know I'm a disgusting person, but please be rational and fair [which doesn't mean say it's okay, but to give a fair advice on how to approach my wife and unfortunately daughter about this]. Thank you for your time\n\nTl:dr: started having sexual dreams about my 15 year old daughter starting from when she hit puberty around 12-13, went from Dreams to fantasizing when awake, feel guilty and try to keep it a secret from family,wife noticed something off about me because I am dodgy, need help to talk[or not to] with my wife and daughter", "answer": "What I am reading is that you are experiencing very distressing intrusive thoughts about doing something that seems detached from your character, and you have no plan or intent to ever act on this. Does this seem right?\n\nIf so, I don't think your online search for answers is very helpful , and I'm concerned it is leading you down an unhelpful rabbit hole.\n\nIf you can access this article, though it explains more clearly the implications of age based attraction:\n\r\nSeto, M. C. (2017). The puzzle of male chronophilias. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(1), 3-22. \n\nIf what I wrote in the first paragraph of this response feels right to you , you are going to want to work with an experienced practitioner with strong, wise discernment in reporting abuse concerns. From what you wrote, no actual abuse has occurred. Unfortunately, many people do not seek help because they are so worried they will get in legal trouble. Thoughts aren't illegal , of course. \n\nEven if you have committed no offense , an experienced sex offense or violence treatment program can probably make a good referral for working on your intrusive violent thoughts. \n\nGood luck, it is a great sign that you want to get these intrusive thoughts under control asap.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g3my16", "comment_id": "fnsly15"}, {"question": "Elevated Cholesterol Levels, tryglicerides, and liver enzymes", "description": "My stats are at the bottom of the message.\n\nSo during college I didn't exactly live the healthiest of lifestyles. Moderate alcohol consumption, poor diet, and relatively inactive. After graduation I got my first job and decided it was time to get things in order so I hit the gym hard, went low carb diet for 3 months before switching to balanced diet. Fat loss was good and felt healthy.\n\nAbout 6 months after getting in shape I went in for my annual physical and the bloodwork turned back high levels of LDL 180 range and a total cholesterol level of 260. I couldn't wrap my head around it. So I started increasing fiber while trying to decrease saturated fat levels and it went well for a while with the occasional relapse of poor diet, however my exercise was consistent. \n\nA year later I had my test again and LDL was in the 170 range and total was around 240 so very slight improvement.\n\nDuring this time period I have continued to drink on a moderate level 6-10 drinks per week give or take a few and have the occasional bad day of eating but my body fat % has been between 14-18% over the last 2 years.\n\nMy question is, does the alcohol have a big impact on cholesterol and triglycerides in the blood? Maybe my medication could be starting to mess with my body in a negative way? I have been taking it since I was 16. Or is there anything else I can do to naturally lower them? My doctor wants to put me on a statin and I am trying to resist. Obviously the drinking needs to stop and I have cut way back to only 2-3 drinks per week on the weekend.\n\nMy Daily macros are 40%C/ 40%P/ 20%F\n\nAge 29\nSex - M\nHeight - 6'1\nWeight - 195\nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 1 year\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Circulatory System\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - GERD\nCurrent medications (if any) - Omeprazole 20mg / twice daily", "answer": "Alcohol will affect lipid levels, amongst other things. You've done well to cut your alcohol intake to your present level, but keep going. What's your diet like?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5zsapa", "comment_id": "df0nsua"}, {"question": "33/F Boyfriend's Mother: Normal or Creepy?", "description": "My bf is 32 and has a cell phone account with his mother as the primary account holder. His mother got him a cell phone when he was younger and since then she and her husband went over to Rogers but my bf stayed on his mother's account with Bell. She has it set up so he wires the payment to her every month from his bank account. She is the only one who is allowed to make changes to the account. His mother has made comments about how often I text him during work hours and reminds him he's close to going over his data for the month. I am personally disgusted by this set up for someone his age. He wants to add me to his plan but we have to get his mother to call in an request he takes over the account so he can make changes. She has yet to do this for months now. I keep bringing it up to my bf that this is weird and that he doesn't want to give up her control. Normal or just plain creepy?", "answer": "creepy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t3vvs", "comment_id": "ddk0hx5"}, {"question": "Could ingesting particles of incense be toxic?", "description": "18\nMale\n1.80m\n70Kg\nMexican\nAllergies to dust, polen and fur\nNot on any current medication\nBack in may I put some incense sticks in my backpack, and took them out the same day. The problem is my harmonica was in the same place. Today, I started playing it, before I realized it still smelled and \"tasted\" like incense. Could this be a problem? ", "answer": "You'll live.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rekqb", "comment_id": "dl4isln"}, {"question": "17M how to deal with ED in a relationship", "description": "So it's been a few weeks since my SO and I have had sex, and it hasn't been by choice, we both really want it, but I haven't been able to stay erect when we go to have sex. We usually fool around for a while before we get into it because foreplay is fun and important, and throughout that I'm erect, but as soon as I go to penetrate her my member retracts, and I'm soft again. \n\nThis has massively affected my confidence, and leaves me feeling really inadequate. It screws up our entire days together as I don't know how to react after, and advice about how should I go about dealing with this situation would be very much appreciated", "answer": "talk to your doc about sildenafil", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6twxc4", "comment_id": "dlo53c9"}, {"question": "CK levels were at 6432 units - can this be normal after a strenuous workout?", "description": "Bit of backstory - I am a 23 year old female who is 92kg, and have been recently getting back into her fitness. After training consistently for about three weeks (4 times a week, 1 hour sessions working on cardio and weight training to lose weight and build strength) I had some blood tests done to check hormone levels etc. My doctor was very concerned when my CK levels came back at 6432 units, and my liver function was elevated to 150. The blood test was performed on the Monday, but two days prior I had trained and overdid it a bit. I couldn't straighten my arms completely for two days because my biceps were so sore and tight. Could this be the reason my CK levels were so elevated? And is 150 an alarming reading for liver function?\n\nI saw my doctor on the Thursday following my blood test and she was shocked by these levels and that I wasn't showing any symptoms of anything more serious (blood in pee, weakness) - by this point my arm soreness was completely gone. I tried explaining that I did a big workout the weekend before my blood test but she told me my CK levels still shouldn't have been that high, and advised me to stop all exercise immediately. I've done this and my CK levels/liver function have returned to normal, but now she doesn't want me doing any weight training because she thinks my muscles are very sensitive, and instead to stick to light walks and low-intensity cardio.\n\nDoes anyone have any advice on where I should go from here? Weight training is the only exercise I can really enjoy, commit to 100% and actually see decent results from, and I'm feeling really depressed over the idea of having to give it up.", "answer": "I would be very careful with the advice from u/KingNebby on this one. Rhabdomyolysis, which is what you had if your CK was in the 6000's, is serious. It's usually treated with IV fluids, and lots of them\u2014more than you could reasonably drink. The risk of not flooding your kidneys with fluid is permanent damage and potentially kidney failure.\n\nWhatever the cause, it's something that you very much want to avoid. Which means you need an explanation for why your exercise caused severe muscle injury, and until you have that you should be very cautious about causing the same problem again with exercise. It's not permanent, hopefully, but going without exercise temporarily versus going on dialysis should be a straightforward decision.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9v6nm2", "comment_id": "e99umks"}, {"question": "Being social is overrated", "description": "I love my coworkers at my new job and I have some friends through school. I'm outgoing, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I like to be alone. \n\nI have one close friend. I rarely see her. I don't talk to my family. I don't go out often. I am also tired from school and work.\n\nIt's draining going out and socializing, both mentally and financially. (Hey, more money for solo travel.)\n\nI used to want more friends, but now, I think I'm content just being a loner.", "answer": "Some people are social butterflies, and some are content spending a lot of time alone. I'm in the latter category, but as I've \"matured\", I've changed. I don't necessarily seek out social encounters, but I don't avoid them. I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fexyt", "comment_id": "ctodesh"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "It's fine. Vaccines don't go straight into your bloodstream, and some drawn blood isn't going to have any effect. Even what does end up in your blood is more likely to be in the venous system and drain upwards, back towards your heart, than down towards your hand.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1m1c", "comment_id": "e4s1xmo"}, {"question": "No motivation to do anything, taking a toll on my relationship", "description": "I'm 25. I've dealt with depression and ADHD since my teens, although the adhd didn't get diagnosed until college. I've tried different medications on and off since 16, most I didn't like and didn't take anything at all from 17-22 until my moods started feeling dangerously low. Was on lamictal for about a year until summer 2016 when I switched to Welbutrin, which I have recently stopped taking, and added lexapro for winter 17-18, then switched to ritalin last summer. In May I hit a really bad low and stopped taking both welbutrin and ritalin. I gave it a month but noticed a lot of adhd issues returning that I didn't like- my handwriting became illegible again, I was really irritable and confused and getting very annoyed at small things like chewing/breathing sounds, and decided ritalin was the lighter drug of the two and started taking it again, very low dose- 5mg once or twice a day. I really don't want to go back on welbutrin, I would prefer not to take meds at all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nPart of why I stopped taking meds was I still felt depressed, so there seemed to be no point, and after a week or two I actually felt better. I moved to a more rural area with my boyfriend in the spring and the calmer, sunnier environment has definitely helped me but the last two weeks I feel completely demotivated. When I'm not working and I'm by myself I just don't want to do anything. We'll go do stuff outside together, which is fun and rejuvenating for a day or two but if I'm home by myself while he's at work (I work nights right now) and have things to get done around the house or work to do from home I just can't find the energy to start doing anything until the afternoon rolls around, which means I don't get a whole lot done before I have to leave for work. Sometimes he'll call me during lunch and want to talk on the phone and I have nothing to talk about because I've done nothing and he gets annoyed because I just want to get off the phone. Today he told me to go outside, and there is some gardening and stuff I could do but I just don't want to. I don't want to eat or get dressed or go food shopping. I also can't manage to force myself out of bed before 9am no matter how many alarms I set starting at like 6am, and he really doesn't like how late I sleep (I don't either) because it means getting the ball rolling even later, at least if I got up at like 7 and it took me a few hours to muster up the willpower to be productive I could still get started at like, 10 instead of noon.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAt least when I was a teenager or in college I wanted to do creative stuff that I liked, I had friends I talked to regularly, I went out and did things. Even when the depression was really bad I still enjoyed watching movies or going into research rabbit holes for whatever thing I was writing or interested in. Now I just want to sleep or bullshit online endlessly- I keep deleting facebook because it's such a bad addiction and then I end up on youtube or just looking at news articles instead, I don't WANT to be sitting online but if I put the phone down then I'm literally just sitting staring into space wondering why I just can't start doing ANYTHING productive. I don't even watch tv anymore. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI feel myself slipping back into a really dark place even though I'm doing ok financially, I'm working and keeping up the house, it's like I'm doing the absolute bare minimum and I'm exhausted and don't WANT to thrive. I don't know what to do anymore and if one more therapist gives me bullshit advice like 'implement a rewards system to motivate yourself' when there is nothing I want except to not feel like this I'm going to scream.", "answer": "I don\u2019t know I cure for this because I\u2019m in the same boat, but I wanted you to know that you\u2019re not alone in your struggle. Amotivation and anhedonia are two of my biggest villains right now", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chqj2n", "comment_id": "eux0lws"}, {"question": "Am I schizophrenic, is it weed or is it trauma? Please help!", "description": "I'm sorry if this is really long, I don't want it to be convoluted but I just need some advice on where I am right now. \n\n\nI'm twenty years old; I experienced some trauma growing up, I won't go in to too much detail but there was domestic violence in the home, one particularly intense event that meant we had to pick & leave the house overnight, and subsequent family & financial issues that had a big effect.\n\nI hear voices inside my head sometimes - they speak gibberish and say things that do and don't have anything to do with whats going on. Sometimes they're voices I recognise from life but there aren't any characters or anything. They don't tell me to hurt myself or others. It's strange, like my brain is tuning in to different people's conversations, almost. (in my mind, it's not auditory)\n\nOccasionally, I think I see things that aren't there - but it's never full blown hallucinations. It's like I think I see something, but when I double take I realise what is really there. I also have hypnogogic experiences (not very often though) in the night and when I'm waking up. There are a lot of intrusive thoughts and images too.\n\nI'm full of so much doubt that I really can't tell what these symptoms and problems really are. I don't know if I'm just getting anxiety over things that aren't really a big deal. \n\nIt was a big deal for me to realise how \"not right\" my life might've been, and a few trips to doctor's just invalidated things I was feeling. They didn't take me seriously. Although I also really struggle to be honest and confident in talking to people, so maybe I didn't really explain to them properly. \n\nI only really started to process and notice these things a year or two ago but I've been experiencing it since my early teens, although they have slowly gotten more noticeable. (I also struggle with a lot of other aspects of depression, anxiety etc. just for context.)\n\n\nIs this schizophrenia? I'd be so grateful if anyone could shed some light on what I am experiencing. I really haven't found a lot about this kind of thing from the internet research I've done. I smoke weed medically and recreationally, and I know experiences were happening before I started. Is this just an impact of the cannabis? I know sharing this will change answers, but I genuinely use it in a medical way to deal with my other mental health issues and it's the most effective thing. Especially when Doctor's didn't offer me much help. \n\n\nI'd be so so grateful for any advice or comment though, I've felt pretty lost in this since I struggle to talk to anyone about it. I just want to know if I'm going to end up in a psychotic episode, and risk hurting myself or others.\n\n\n\nTL;DR - 20 year old trauma survivor hears voices, sees things sometimes, smokes weed. Should she worry?", "answer": "Hard to say without knowing you better, but my money is against schizophrenia and more towards your trauma history. Might be worthwhile seeing a psychologist? ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76j5qd", "comment_id": "doefmvl"}, {"question": "Dating a guy with the same name as my rapist? Ok or bad?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I think you're the only one that can possibly know the answer to this or decide what to do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gz6ija", "comment_id": "fteqmu9"}, {"question": "You can have alcohol or everything else", "description": "I read this quote some time ago and I love it.\n\nWanted to share it with you all.", "answer": "Love it. I heard that once and really identified with it....I can trade one thing (alcohol) for everything or trade everything for one thing (alcohol). I have down the latter too many times. Shows how nuts the alcoholic mind is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bxf2bg", "comment_id": "eq6zldi"}, {"question": "Tip: How to reduce Picking", "description": "##Put a bandaid, piece of tape or other constant stimulation around the area of picking. \nTo prevent picking at a wound, scab, nails, nose, itches etc.\n \nThe goal is not to cover it up to prevent picking, but **to provide a constant and steady surrounding stimulation**. Signals that trigger picking will still happen, but will be less salient (= noticeable) to your system so you won't automatically & subconsciously start picking.\n\nFor example a bandaid *on the bridge* of the nose to prevent nose-picking *inside* of the nose.\n\nThis is totally not novel, we do it all the time, mostly auditory in the form of (background) music; we add noise to mask distracting noises. Day-care nurses and moms use this \"technique\" with babies all the time for pretty much everything.\n\n**Tl;Dr: Distract your body by gently and constantly stimulating the surrounding area of the pickening.**", "answer": "Picking is an ADHD thing???? I live in Australia and so I often get bitten by mosquitos which itch and then rapidly turn into scabs that I pick for months and scar. I never knew it was my ADHD. I always knew it wasn't neurotypical cause my husband is forever at me about it and i hate how it looks but I can't not do it no matter how hard I try. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajz5th", "comment_id": "ef1y16t"}, {"question": "I'm venezuelan and i feel like i've never lived my life.", "description": "I am a 20 years old guy from Venezuela and I feel like my life is being wasted.\n\nOkay here it goes. I was born in a middle-class family in a town somewhere in the Venezuelan Andes. When I was born my father retired for some reason I never understood, my mother never had a job, even after that I had the chance to attend a private school. Time passed, when I was a child, I was basically forced to hear about politics a lot, even though at that age I never really understood anything about it (I\u2019m talking when I was 6 or 8). When I was a child, the economic situation wasn\u2019t as hard as it is now. I was a happy kid who never worried about nothing, only about getting good grades at school to make my parents proud, not because I really wanted it. I grew up as a guy with a really low self-esteem, I hated everything about my body and my personality.\n\nNow I\u2019m a 20 years old who feels like I\u2019ve never really lived my life, I\u2019m currently living rented in a room in another city, I study and I have a job that doesn\u2019t pay much. Why do I talk so much about the economic situation? Well, to no one is a secret that the government in Venezuela is not and was not the best, with all this \u201csocialism of the XXI century\u201d stuff and that Chavez adoration. I am a person who\u2019s never been on vacations to a nice place, the last time I was in a real \u201cvacation\u201d was probably when I was 12, since then all I\u2019ve done is study and live my sad and monotonous life.\n\nVenezuela is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, and I can confirm it. I\u2019ve been stabbed twice and shot once, mostly by thieves who tried to steal my stuff (like my cellphone or my wallet), and I have to live that everyday of my life, I can\u2019t stand the fact that I have to be scared if I leave my classes at 6pm because I know it\u2019ll be dark and it\u2019ll be dangerous for me so I\u2019ll have to put my phone inside my boxers just in case things get ugly because sadly I don\u2019t have the money to buy another one.\n\nOnly to buy a laptop I had to save money for over two years and a half, I don\u2019t want this for me. I feel like I\u2019m being consumed here with no possibilities of getting out. Everytime I check the tv or the news and I see anything government related I just get sick because I know it\u2019ll be something bad for the people who really wants to get out of here.\n\nEverytime I talk to my father, all he talks about is how hard is now to get a roll of toilet paper or milk, that he has to make huge queues to buy a pack of flour and sometimes he gets so happy when he gets the chance to buy 2 liters of milk, I mean...how low can our standards get that we get happy for stuff that used to be easy to get before?\n\nEverytime I talk to my mother, she starts crying because she says I don\u2019t deserve to live what I live, that I deserve to live in a better place where I don\u2019t have to risk my life everytime I\u2019m outside, yesterday I was in my faculty and some hooded men called \u201cTupamaros\u201d (Government supporters) started throwing tear gas bombs everywhere to close the faculty because they want vacations already (some of them are actually students). Of course I didn\u2019t tell this to my mom or she\u2019d freak out.\n\nI forgot to mention that I\u2019m an engineering student, I\u2019m studying hard to become an engineer as soon as possible so I can get out of here because I literally cannot stand this anymore, every night I start crying until I fall asleep, I don\u2019t know how I haven\u2019t lost my motivation for study yet.\n\nWith my studies and my job, I\u2019m a really busy person, so\u2026I actually have now what you would call a long distance relationship, yes, with a girl I\u2019ve never seen in my life. She\u2019s from a country in Europe that I won\u2019t name. She says she\u2019s deeply in love with me, and somehow I feel like I am too. I don\u2019t have the time to have a real girlfriend, and to be honest\u2026why did I choose to have a relationship with a girl like this? Not gonna lie, she\u2019s a very cute girl and I\u2019m fascinated by her, but at the same time, somehow\u2026she represents the future I want for myself, I want to live in a country where I can be outside after 6pm and not be scared, I want to live in a country where I can find the food of all the brands I want, I want to live in a country with a stable job and a decent purchasing power where I don\u2019t have to save money for years to buy a miserable laptop or where the thought of buying clothes is something unthinkable, I want to live in a country where I\u2019m not limited to have $400 per year for a fucking exchange control. But more than that, I want experiences, I want to travel, I want to live life\u2026but sadly, that\u2019s something impossible at the moment.\n\nI know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.\n", "answer": ">I know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language. \n \nbwahahahaaaaa your english is fucking perfect man. You will get in anywhere easily :) \n \nfinish your engineering degree and come on over.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1s77uu", "comment_id": "cduvah0"}, {"question": "Just walked to the store", "description": "Usually that would mean I'm already half way to the bottom of a bottle of wine . Tonight it means I'm half way to the bottom of a bag of cookies. \n\nTonight everyone in my household went to bed early which is my ideal time to binge. I wanted to but I made a few calls, took the dog out, and did some cooking instead.\n\nIt worked but i still wanted something bad for me. I'm on day 13 and have been slamming junk food almost daily. Just a temporary stand in for the alcohol. I see other people here saying how the pounds flew off when they quit. Somehow I don't think that will happen for me!", "answer": "Don't worry about the cookies. In time it will pass, just keep focused on why you're working so hard for this. Good damn job buddy. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3t9b4j", "comment_id": "cx48pah"}, {"question": "How do I date", "description": "...I hope I don't sound like an idiot\n\nI am a twenty-something female Aspie and I have come to realize that I have utterly no idea how to go about dating (not hooking up. Dating, like go out together for a movie dating). I don't know how to meet people and actually get a date and I am nervous to try because I fear I'll look stupid or worse like I'm desperate or creeping on somebody. \n\nI wish there was a class I could take that taught me this stuff. How do I do this right? \n\n\n(Ugh this probably does sound desperate.)\n", "answer": "I actually used craigslist and was pretty successful. Just write a heartfelt post about what you are looking for and post it in the Women seeking men, or strictly platonic section. I would recommended chatting online, exchanging photos, and video chatting for a month or two before actually meeting in person (it sounds like a long time, but it really isn't if you are looking for quality). Take your time and bail out at the first sign of uneasiness. Of course, make sure the first time you meet is in a very public place.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "w3ngu", "comment_id": "c5a0dzt"}, {"question": "Can I ask a girl to prom without knowing her well?", "description": "Basically the title, is it weird if I just approach her and ask? Should I ask her on another date first? Prom\u2019s coming up soon and Im quite nervous to find a date.", "answer": "Without knowing her well? Certainly. Without knowing her at all? I wouldn't. \n\n\nYou're not asking her to be your one and only till death do you part. You need a date for the prom. She may need a date for the prom. \n\n\nSo long as you've actually talked to her on a few occasions, nothing wrong with asking her. \"Hey, do you have a date to prom yet? Would you want to go with me?\" \n\n\nIf she says no, ask somebody else. If you're not currently dating anyone, consider asking a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmff9", "comment_id": "ekjv75r"}, {"question": "Therapist wants me to join a group...", "description": "My therapist wants my to take part in a 10day intense therapy group since my anxiety is not getting any better but just the thought of being in a room with different people brings my s.a out bad..im at a crossroads cause im sure it would help but I cant get of the stranger aspect of it. Not sure what to do. .", "answer": "Psychologist here, and a behavioral one at that. If your anxiety is not getting better in the context of your present therapy, and if your specific goal for therapy is to get over your anxiety, then something is wrong, and shaking things up is likely a good thing. \n\nThat said, the cure for anxiety is exposure, but exposure in the context of trust. getting all overwhelmed is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it may cause you to have a setback too. If you find the prospect of an intensive group too overwhelming to contemplate, then don't do it. If you feel it will be tough but you can manage it, and/or escape if the pressure is too much, then give it a whirl. \n\nIf you opt to not do the group, you might consider also switching to a different therapist. If you do that, look for someone who can offer you behavioral treatment for your anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a good thing to look for, although there are other types of therapy which can be helpful (ACT, for instance). The key is that you should be actually working up to behavioral experiments out in the field, testing your anxious feelings and thoughts (assuming you have a social anxiety, you should be out testing your assumptions about actual interpersonal relationships). If all you are doing is talking about your fears, and that is not working for you then you're working with the wrong therapist. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "23tjoi", "comment_id": "ch0gssk"}, {"question": "How relevant is the experience of a counselor/therapist for Career counseling?", "description": "Hey guys, hopefully one of you could guide me on this. I posted in r/mentalhealth and r/mentalillness but nobody answer. I tried to make this one a bit shorter (extended version is at r/mentalhealth).\n\nRecently I've been exploring the decision of getting some help in the form of a therapist/counselor/clinical social work (unsure if there is any difference between them).\n\nIn what do I think I might need the help?\n-Personal Stuff. \n-Isolation. \n-Career Guidance. \n\nTherefore, my two questions. First, how relevant is the age of the therapist/counselor for career Guidance?\n\nAnd second, One therapist/counselor is enough for so many things? or I'll be better looking for more than one?", "answer": "I do not think that the age of the therapist matters much, but I DO think that the experience of the therapist specifically in relation to career counseling matters a lot. I would want someone who has taken specific career counseling coursework (which is not something all therapists are automatically getting) and who does career counseling as one of the specific things they specialize in, meaning that they have current knowledge of the workforce because they have to stay up-to-date in that to serve their client base. \n\nI would find someone who says explicitly that they do career counseling (or vocational counseling) and then I would ask what their training is in career counseling and what percentage of their current work is related to careers or vocational work. \n\nNote that, because there is SO many potential careers out there, it's not a red flag if a career counselor needs to look up info about your specific field; they cannot possibly have up-to-date knowledge about every existing career. What they DO need is up-to-date knowledge about career theories and interventions, the modern workplace, and how to effectively assess and work with folks seeking career-related help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fbe6gd", "comment_id": "fj4a6rf"}, {"question": "How can I ensure myself that I don't have Aspergers?", "description": "I'm having trouble determining whether I have aspergers or am just socially awkward. I mean, I passed some tests online to prove I don't, but I'm still have concerns.\n\nEdit: Here's what I'm thinking: I'm not that socially experienced. Like, when I'm in a conversation, I don't know what to talk about next or know how to keep a conversation going. I mean, there are things I DO want to talk about, I just don't want it to feel outta place. There's that, and also how I'm afraid of looking awkward when I do present my opinions and ideas in a conversation. For instance, I wonder if I'd jumble up my thoughts when I'm talking. Also, even when I'm relaxed and comfortable just listening, I still can't come up with things to say and overall feel serious and introverted. I sometimes wonder if there is a huge fundamental difference between me and the average socially awkward person. Now, am I being a hypochondriac here or does anyone else feel this way?", "answer": "See a psychologist who specializes in Asperger's/high-functioning autism. There's really no other way.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "17s9k8", "comment_id": "c88ff8e"}, {"question": "Why does DBT necessitate group therapy and phone coaching alongside individual therapy?", "description": "I'm interested in DBT, but I'm turned off by the fact it requires group therapy, phone coaching and a therapist consultation team ([source](http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm)). What's the logic behind this structure?\n\nI can see how the intensity of it could be useful if you have severe BPD, but personally I have no desire to contact my therapist between sessions, have a team of people discuss my progress, and lose my anonymity and possibly be negatively influenced by people with more severe cases through group sessions. \n\nIt seems ridiculous that as someone who's pretty high-functioning, I can either not do DBT or be locked into an expensive juggernaut of a therapy simply to learn basic skills. For milder cases, why can't it be conducted as CBT is - individual, anonymous therapy sessions?\n\n", "answer": "Phone coaching is used more for those extreme moments when you need a boost. They are regulated but not scheduled. Well, they're not usually scheduled but I'm sure some clinicians schedule them for whatever reason. The consulting is for the therapist because sessions and clients can be draining and difficult. It's more about them and less about you. ((there are laws in place preventing clinicians from disclosing your identity. Most operate from a need to know basis when it comes to consulting. No one should be able to know who you are based on the clinician's description.)) \n\nYou could probably ask a DBT therapist to deliver the skills group education to you individually. You're not supposed to combine skills with therapy, which is why the sessions are separated. The treatment is flexible enough to complete with a therapist individually if you wish. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "376zcy", "comment_id": "crk951g"}, {"question": "Making, and more importantly, holding conversation.", "description": "I'm not entirely sure how good at this I am. I mean, when I'm having a deep, meaningful conversation with someone I could carry on for awhile. Sometimes I can go on a rant and that... Okay, that might not be any better, but at least I'm talking.\n\nBut I have two problems: Starting conversation (I can NEVER segue a \"what's up\" or \"how are you\" exchange into a conversation), and flowing to new topics. I'm usually heavily reliant on my conversation partner to do it for me, and when I do try, it sounds forced to me.\n\nI am absolutely HORRIBLE at small talk. It doesn't help that I loathe it greatly (my councilor once told me this is fine though, that preferring deeper/more meaningful conversation was normal). Part of it is because I'm afraid to be mundane/clich\u00e9d/**boring**/redundant, but mostly I'm just lost on what to say. \n\n**Lost on what to say...** Okay, that might be the root cause of 99% of my social problems... Well, aside from my social phobia. But they kinda walk hand in hand. Which is probably the biggest reason for not talking to anyone beyond those I'm comfortable with (and even with them, I always find myself racking my brain for conversation topics and trying to force it.)\n\nI'm also uncomfortable ending the conversation. I just kinda awkwardly slip away. And ALL silence is awkward for me.", "answer": "I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). Enjoy :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1xfn2b", "comment_id": "cfbkkl0"}, {"question": "Should let him go?", "description": "My bf and I am have been dating for few years now. We had a rough start but we were madly in love with each other. I found out he had been talking to girls online in the first year of our relation which made a huge dent in our relation. I forgave him but it made me into a suspicious maniac. He always gave excuses like I wasn't ready to be so serious and blaming it on his ex relationship. He has evolved in the years and we have come close to marriage now. Our families are just waiting for the announcement anytime. I recently found out that he had been sexting some random chic again like 6 months ago while he was out of state to work. He had been in the same workplace as this woman. It was a brief thing during that time, that he says was just sexting but I don't want to believe it. I know he isn't seeing anyone now or sexting. We have an amazing sex life but he blames these things (when caught) on either some fight we were having or My suspicious behavior. But whenever I have suspected and tried to figure stuff out I have found something. I am torn. I love him a lot and so does he but when something of such nature comes into light he seems like a total different person, a nasty stranger. These women he flirts with are always less attractive and I feel like he has a type. It disgusts me but I can't put my family and my feelings aside to think straight. And he emphasizes on privacy so much. I don't understand it. I see other couples and see them as one but he just wants his privacy so much which makes me more suspicious. Please advice.", "answer": "He blames you for him not being able to keep his own word. High risk of ongoing bullshit here, marriage or not. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694ojm", "comment_id": "dh3qb2a"}, {"question": "Hello! Skin care question :)", "description": "Hello all, I have just discovered this sub and reading through a few posts is making me so reassured , and yet dressed. It's so good to hear about other people's experiences, and for me to realise that I'm not unique. It's also terrifying in the scope. \n\nMy question is; since going off BC my skin is awful. I was only ever on the pill for my skin in the first place. \n\nI get spots on my chin and jawbone, and my shoulders and back. \n\nWhat recommendations do y'all have to help a 30 year old woman out who is feeling embarrassed \ud83d\ude29. ", "answer": "I use Acne Free, the three step one. I have to use it every morning and every night or things start getting out of whack. It's like $20 and widely available. \n\nI've tried tons of other things, proactive, stridex pads, the prescription acne topical meds, etc. This one works best for me. \n\nRemember that moisturizers are not the enemy. Part of getting extra oily is reactive to stripping all the oil from the skin. It feels dry from an intense cleanser and goes, \"oh no, we're too dry, make oil to fix the issue!\" Finding the right moisturizer for your skin is super important. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "67a7ku", "comment_id": "dgqfl4c"}, {"question": "General question: how many tests can a lab run on one biopsy?", "description": "My wife has an undiagnosed skin condition and has seen many different doctors. However, one dermatologist has taken 8 biopsies from her. He only orders one test at a time for each biopsy. Is it possible for multiple tests to be ran off one biopsy? My poor wife has loads of scars from the biopsies and it seems unnecessary to me.\n\nAge: 24\nSex: female\nHeight: 5\u20196\u201d\nWeight: 170\nRace: white/Asian\nDuration of complaint: 5+ years\nLocation: Colorado. All over entire body\nAny existing relevant medical issues: loads", "answer": "Each test requires a certain amount of tissue (or blood, or whatever is being tested). Whether these biopsies are excessive or not isn't something we can know without information about the size of the biopsies and which tests have been run.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c7mz0v", "comment_id": "esgbvq7"}, {"question": "No morning wood for months.", "description": "I am 15 male I weigh 69kg. I use nicotine and benzodiazepines for anxiety when im stressed. So I noticed that since spring I wasn't having morning wood. My erections were fine when I was in the mood, but I still wouldn't get morning wood. I went to my doctor told her about it and they took a blood test. Apperantly I am low on carbs, fat and sugar. I started having a better diet, I put more carbs, fats and fruits in to my diet. Its been a month and I still don't have morning wood. Should I be worried?", "answer": "As long as you aren\u2019t having any problems with erections while awake, don\u2019t worry about morning wood. \u201cNocturnal penile tumescence,\u201d as it\u2019s technically known, occurs during sleep. If it lasts into waking you\u2019d notice it, but it\u2019s normal to sleep through it and not know it happened.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j4uss8", "comment_id": "g7n53yx"}, {"question": "Tattoos and BPD", "description": "I've read that tattoos are common in people with BPD. I've always wanted one (or multiple) but I don't have any, and I have a reason: I want a tattoo that feels like me. But \"me\" is just an empty blob of nothingness. Surface personality traits and likes/hobbies are all either ever-changing or flat out fake, and beneath that there's just... nothing. Even the few ideas I have for tattoos I'm reluctant to get because I'm worried that I'll do a complete 180 and then I'll regret it, since it's no longer something that I care about or like. \n\nDoes anyone else feel that way? If you do have tattoos, how did you pick them? If you don't, why not?", "answer": "I have 3,one is a song lyric that to me represents both the passion and the emptiness of bpd. Damien rice 'no love no glory' \n\nI have an olive branch on my back that represents pacifism, because I need that to drive through my reactivity at all costs. \n\nAnd I have a large tattoo of an anime princess mononoke because I fucking love that movie and it means so much to me about balance and nature ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6jtw4j", "comment_id": "djgz1c8"}, {"question": "Thank You for Telling me to go to AA (54 days!)", "description": "Thank you infinitely to the people here who told me to go to AA. I was scared to go because of my social anxiety. I was also afraid they would just tell me I need Christianity. I am so thankful I listened to you and went. The people there have been nothing but accepting of my queer drunk ass. Since I started going 54 days ago I have finally been able to stay sober and learn about why I feel the need to drink in the first place.\n\nMy fear of social situations is big part of my drinking. Attending these meetings has taught me that isolation is my enemy and will drive me to drink. I could not have kept myself from drinking this long by myself. And I know I will not be able to keep sober alone.\n\nThank you for being here when I needed you. Thank you for helping me. I will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I went to my first AA meeting on October 27, 1978 and met a guy who said, \u201clook you are an expert at getting drunk and high, we are experts at staying sober and there are all different kinds of people here. If you want to stop drinking you\u2019re in the right place. We stay sober by helping each other stay sober.\u201d He gave me his phone number and said \u201ccall me if you feel like drinking and I\u2019ll try to talk you out of it.\u201d I went home and my girlfriend, who told me to go to AA still did not want me to sleep with her. I felt terrible because I had not gone to sleep sober for years. After tossing and turning I called that guy at 1:30 in the morning and told him I was thinking of going to the bar down the street so I could get some sleep. He kept me on the phone until 2am and said look the bars are closed let\u2019s meet at the meeting tomorrow. I fell a sleep and the next day I went to he meeting and I\u2019ve been sober ever since. I still go to meetings a few times a week and I\u2019m still able to think that the people there are special and are doing something wonderful.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96lqv8", "comment_id": "e421tb5"}, {"question": "I am so depressed it physically hurts", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I just finished a book by the research psychologist Roy Baumiester, titled \u201cthe power of bad\u201d. In it he recommends using over the counter pain reliever for emotional pain. I found that a combination of ibuprofen and Tylenol really helps. I take two Tylenol with 600mg of Advil and it diminishes the pain of my girlfriend breaking up with me and my son\u2019s serious mental illness. I also am reaching out to loved ones for their support. By speaking of my pain, I disidentify with it. It\u2019s more like a broken leg, something I have rather than who I am.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "k2z9aq", "comment_id": "ge08cq9"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "You are not a uniform sponge where medications go to all parts of you equally. This is a question of pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics, and I don't know the details of those for Tylenol. What I do know is that Tylenol has a very small difference between a safe dose and an overdose, and 1000 mg is enough that it would have an effect if it were going to do so. I would strongly recommend against increasing the dose further.\n\nIf you need better relief you could combine ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Headaches can be tough, though. If it's a one-time problem you might just do best toughing it out. If these are recurrent, you may want a doctor with more headache expertise to help manage. There are specific headache medications that can be more effective.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8trkzc", "comment_id": "e19oga0"}, {"question": "Why should I have to be challenged, or \"meet challenges head-on\"? Why can't I avoid them and go about my life?", "description": "This is coming right off the back of a meeting I just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so I'm still pretty chaffed about it.\n\nThe phrase \"meeting challenges head-on\" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so.\n\nI just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard. I HATE doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily. In most cases, I'll still do them, but I don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where I can big myself up and say well done. I'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again. And kind of wish I hadn't in the first place.\n\nI understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, I like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch. Always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so I have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again.\n\nI'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. Is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with?\n\n[TL;DR](http://imgur.com/3W6D1F8)", "answer": "If you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. And both are bad", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6e0qu1", "comment_id": "di6ug8p"}, {"question": "Should I be concerned", "description": "Serious question.\nI\u2019m 17 M currently starting my last year of highschool. I have reacurring dreams of committing mass murder and fantasise about torture. Over my time at school I\u2019ve been called cold hearted and heartless, my friends say I don\u2019t have emotions, when isis became relevant videos of their executions would be passed around while others looked away I laughed this also true with other violent scenes in movies I.e. church scene kings man which I find funny while others don\u2019t. People at my school are scared of me. \nI\u2019m just writing down what I can think of but should I be concerned?", "answer": "I think seeing a mental health provider would be good and could help your sort this out. You could speak confidentially about what is happening to you AS LONG AS your dreams are dreams and you aren\u2019t planning to kill anybody. However before disclosing this information talk to the provider about how they see their mandated reporting and tarasoff duties. Because while most good clinicians recognize thoughts and dreams are just that- inexperienced providers might freak and report you. However it seems like you\u2019re concerned enough that you\u2019re curious and open to feedback from others which I think speaks to the fact that you do have feeling in there. There\u2019s a good reason you are the way you are and it might be worth it to see what those reasons are. Take care!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p70zs", "comment_id": "dseysyv"}, {"question": "Friend has recently become obsessed with poetry", "description": "I'm worried about my friend's mental health. He's 44, major ADHD, substance abuse but generally a happy person and never seemed to worry and had a general attitude that life will work itself out. He had a small traumatic event that he seems to be dwelling on a lot. His brother in law grabbed his sister's wrist in front of him and his nieces and nephew and he called the police, keeps cussing his mom out (their mom is a social worker who is one who removes kids from abusive homes) for not removing the kids from that household.\n\nHe seems to be leaving reality a bit. He knighted me and one of his dealer/friends with the grip end of a golf club. He literally had a web designer design and go live with website for his new \"motorcycle club\" where people pay admission to join. He has dreamed up auxiliaries at his club, much like a church may have. He feels his club will be for the good of the world and look out for people who are victims. The main symptom seems to be his obsession with poetry. It kind of reminds me of watching an episode of the children's show, Mr. Rogers' World with the rhyming and kingdom references. This guy obviously has studied some poetry in his life because he would recite some from memory while people were festively drinking and it would be funny but now he seems lost trying to create a half of line of poetry over the course of an hour or two during business hours.\n\nIs a sudden obsession with poetry a sign of schizophrenia or some other type of mental illness?", "answer": "What drugs does he typically use, and what's he used recently?\n\nIm interested in your comment about \"44, major ADHD\" - can you elaborate?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "683lu0", "comment_id": "dgvkkn4"}, {"question": "I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this possible?", "description": "I have been doing a lot of research on this topic, and I cannot seem to find anything relevant, but I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this even possible?\n\n \nI have had these issues since I was about 10 years old, but it was relatively infrequent (enough to cause stress for me, but I hid it often from my family who was always working). I have always had urgency issues and I the only thing that makes me think that there is an elimination disorder is because I would also get very upset and void in my closet also, which wasn't an accident unlike the other instances. These issues progressively worsened into high school (urgency/not making it and also dealing with anger/negative emotions that way occasionally) and have become out of control as an adult (obviously just urgency/not making it now). I have been to a doctor, and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence). I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.\n\n \nI have been to a doctor, who gave me a diagnosis suggested medication (I waited until I was over 18 due to confidentiality) and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence). I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning. I would like to treat this to feel better, but as I am not sure what the cause is, thus I am not sure if I should address this medically or in therapy.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks for the feedback, like I said, I haven't been able to find literature on this in adulthood, so I figured I would give it a shot here.", "answer": "Hi \n\nI definitely suggest going back to your physician to develop a plan. A combination of physical and psychological issues could be the cause . Because there is a physical component , it is important to start there.\n\nIf a patient came to me to deal with the psychological aspect, I would insist on coordinating with a physician, or at least reviewing records, to fully understand the extend of the medical condition. \n\nAnother reason to discuss this with your physician is because your doctor may be able to recommend an experienced therapist in this area.\n\nGood luck .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvnimz", "comment_id": "fmmudha"}, {"question": "Please help. Doctors are of no help, telling me that my pain isn't ever and to wait out. How do I proceed?", "description": "I'm 18, male, 5ft8, 65kg, British and I've been having this issue for about 2 months now. I take methylphenidate 20mg XR for ADHD and was taking amiltriptyline (25mg) for about 3 weeks around the time this started, this was for neuralgia but I stopped taking this as I thought it could be causing or worsening this pain.\n\n\nI've been to see 3 different GPs and they all seem to think I'm fine. The first GP told me to wait this out, take some OTC painkillers if it gets worse. The second was kind-of helpful and prescribed an antibiotic, this seemed to improve the pain but it never really got better. The course of antibiotics was amoxicillin for 5 days. The third GP got annoyed at me for saying I could not wait a week or two for an appointment for this issue as he thought it wasn't serious (I cannot go to NHS walk-in due to work and there were no appointments available for at least a week so I got angry on the phone). I was told another course of antibiotics wouldn't do anything if the 5 day course didn't resolve my pain. He ended up prescribing otovent and a beclometasone nasal spray but told me the best I can do is wait this pain out as it isn't chronic sinusitis and it isn't suggestive of anything else... I'd be fine with this but the problem is it isn't getting better! \n\n\nThe pain seems like pain around my left sinuses, left ear and generally the left side of head/upper face. It hurts to move my left eye in the mornings and at some points during the day (like I'm pulling on a ligament/muscle that's tight in the eye). The eye strain is the only problem that is at its worst when I wake up. There is no pain in my right eye or that side of the face. The pain seems to shift locations, sometimes I'll feel like there is pain in my inner ear and around it, and other times the pain will be on my left temple or around my eye. There is no tenderness. I am not suffering from any symptoms like vision loss or dizziness. I haven't had any personality changes other than anger when the pain is particularly bad. There's no nausea or noticeable neck tension. My only symptom is pain. I was speaking to a friend who's studying medicine and he said any pain in the head is a headache so technically I have a \"headache\" but it is not like a migraine or pain all around my head, it's just an ache on the left front side of my head around my temple. Paracetamol doesn't really help much, nor do topical nasal decongestants or otovent. I'm not sure if the steroid spray helps, the pain is definitely still here but it doesn't seem as bad if I use it. If anyone here has any idea what this could be or how I can get a doctor to take me seriously I'd **really** appreciate a response. I'm so lost and tired of this :( I just want to know what the cause of this pain is.\n\n\nThank you so much for reading.\n", "answer": "UK doc here.\n\nTMJ has been spoken about - [heres the NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/temporomandibular-joint-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx). Id recommend waiting it out rather than going for invasive procedures - which admittedly will feel frustrating for you. Jumping in with invasive treatments early can sometimes cause more harm than good.\n\nAs someone else has asked - does it impact your daily functioning?\n\nKeep going with the amitriptyline - it is unlikely to be aggrevating whatever condition you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fbwsv", "comment_id": "dajg9pr"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Unless you dragged the blade across her arm you did not FORCE her to do anything. If she really really didn\u2019t want to do it she wouldn\u2019t have. \n\nThat being said you may have influenced her or started her in a path to becoming more curious. But she made a choice. That is not ALL your responsibility. Think of it like this:\n\nYou have a friend who goes around stabbing people and they want to stop. Friend and you decide if she stabs someone else you are going to have to stab someone too. I doubt you\u2019d stick around long enough to be BFF with that person because you don\u2019t WANT to stab people. On some level she knew the risks and was willing to take them. Give her some credit/responsibility too. You are not all powerful. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8od5c"}, {"question": "Friend is comatose, doctors don't know what's wrong", "description": "My friend's wife Bekah is 28 white overweight young woman. Bekah was put on the medication propanolol (propranolol) to treat a blood pressure issue in May of 2015. The same day, she bagan vomiting. She stopped taking the medication in about a week, but never stopped vomiting. She had a hard time keeping anything down for months. This constant agony led her to become depressed, and was prescribed the antidepressant amitriptyline. After a few days of taking it, she began experiencing extreme side-effects of the medication, including hallucinations and paralysis. She was transferred to a hospital where she asphyxiated on her own vomit due to staff negligence, and became comatose in late February. \nThe doctors have ruled out multiple types of illnesses and I would be interested in seeing if anyone knows of any specialists that may be on the cutting edge of either gastric/neural side effects of medications, or any other help. She is in Las Vegas. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Strange.\n\nCould there be a possibility that she was overmedicating (either accidentally or deliberately)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fy28q", "comment_id": "danztg6"}, {"question": "I [26F] feel like my boyfriend [29M] does not give me enough affection and I feel neglected.", "description": "My boyfriend and I are both in graduate school and have been living with each other for about three years. This relationship is plagued by a number of problems: (1) my boyfriend suffers from chronic back pain due to sports injuries, (2) I have anxiety and OCD, (3) we live and work together on a number of projects in a small college town, meaning we see each other all the time, and (4) we express our love in different ways.\n\nI have no doubt that he loves me and cares about me, but he had never been in a relationship before he met me and I am noticing a lot of ways in which that manifests. He is not good at communication at all, and bottles up emotions without discussing them. This makes me the only one in the relationship who is putting in any work to maintain it or help it grow. Anytime I bring something up with him, his attitude and tone show me that he sees it as an unnecessary burden on his already burdened life.\n\nWhen it comes to expressions of love, he is one of the least affectionate men I've ever been with (and it's not just with me, it's the same with family). He never tells me he loves me first, he rarely ever surprises me with romantic things, he never initiates a kiss with me unless we're having sex, he never ever initiates hand-holding or hugging. The only time I get these things is if I ask for them first. When I do ask for them, he begrudgingly complies or rolls his eyes. It's almost turned into a running joke.. I feel like I am begging for scraps.\n\nI am someone that requires a lot of physical touch and affirmation, and this has been a huge challenge for me. I've talked to him about this many times in many ways. I've cried to him about it, I've been mad about it, I've casually talked about it, I've tried positive reinforcement in the very few times he may do something like this on his own by telling him how good it makes me feel and how important it is to me. It doesn't change his behavior at all.\n\nIf I was advising a friend, I would tell them that you can't force your partner to change. And it gets super fucked up when it comes to something like affection, because the last thing you want to do is guilt someone into doing something they don't naturally want to do. I don't know what to do.\n\ntl;dr: I feel like my boyfriend does not give me any physical affection or affirmation and it makes me feel like shit.", "answer": "tell him, and if he doesn't change, reevaluate what you're doing with him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wheed", "comment_id": "dea16u8"}, {"question": "Exercising on Beta Blockers", "description": "Hey everyone,\n\nHope you\u2019ve had a good weekend\n\nI\u2019m a 32 year old female, 5\u201911, 100kg and live in England. My current medications are Duloxetine 40mg bd, Atenolol 50mg bd, Oxybutinun 2.5mg bd, Pregabalin 100mg bd, Rizatriptain as needed and about to start Ciclosporin.\n\nI have a general question regarding exercising whilst taking Beta Blockers. I am taking Atenolol for migraine prophylaxis and was wondering how this affects exercising?\n\nI understand that Atenolol slows the heart rate at rest and will limit how fast it will beat during exercise so will this have any affect on performance? Is it worth changing to something like Topiramate? Or will this interact with the Pregabalin?\n\nMany thanks!", "answer": "Unless you are a serious athlete requiring peak performance it\u2019s probably not an effect that will be hugely limiting for you. You can try exercising and see if it feels very different.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cyfk1b", "comment_id": "eyrssne"}, {"question": "How do deal with best friend's [25/F] boyfriend [26?/M] of four years that I can't stand...", "description": "Hi all! Throwaway as my main is pretty easy to identify and I know he's a redditor. \n\nSo here's the story: my best friend is amazing. We met in college and have been there for each other through a lot. I [25/F] have PTSD and she's stood by my side as other friends have fallen away. She introduced me to my BF [28/M] who I've been with for 4.5 years and who is the light of my life. \n\nHer BF, however, is a different story. I want to like him and sometimes I do, but I can't help but think there is something wrong going on with their relationship and it makes it hard for me to be around him. \n\nThey've been together for a while and when they first started dating he showed a lot of red flags: leaving her on the streets alone after a heaving night of drinking and fighting, calling her names, mocking her personal beliefs, and once proclaiming that although he's never cheated on her he cheated on all his past gfs. He's generally funny and she seems to be in love with him, but once, while ranting about issues with our respective BFs I got the sense that it was common for him to lie about who he sees and what he does when he goes out. She once caught him with a girl on his lap at a bar... \n\nThis alone would probably make any best friend upset, but I've had personal interactions with him that really drive it home for me. Because of my mental illness I rarely drink and if I do it's just one beer/cocktail. One. No more, no less. She knows this. Their lifestyle includes a lot of drinking so on the rare occasion we go to a double date, there's a lot of drinks going around except me. Several times now he's secretly bought us all shots and when I didn't want to take mine he threw a fit. Most recently he did it to just my BF and he was upset, but agreed to take it because he had already spent the cash and he felt obligated. Another time they took us out to dinner, their treat, and he bought me a cocktail I barely touched and literally threw a fit and wouldn't let us leave until it was finished (my friend gulped it down who was clearly uncomfortable). \n\nWhat the fuck is this? To me, it's scary because he triggers my PTSD which was caused by men who wouldn't take \"no\", fighting, and being completely unconscious as a sign to leave me the fuck alone and his tantrums and boundary-crossing makes it literally impossible for me to be around him. I want to say something, but I feel like I had my chance way back when they started dating (and I did voice concern, but it never went anywhere). He also pays 90% of their bills (he's well off) and I know that is another form of control. She seems to be thriving and confident about life and maybe it's my own pathology that is triggered by him, but I'm tired of coming up with excuses on why I never want to hang with both of them together. \n\nTL;DR Best friend's BF shows serious signs of control issues and is emotionally abusive. I want to be there for her, but I can't stand to be around him and I'm tired of coming up with excuses. ", "answer": "avoid him. see your friend one on one", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar6pc", "comment_id": "dhgv5h9"}, {"question": "Is it normal to think that life would be easier if you were single?", "description": "Not for sex or casual dating reasons. Just everyday life reasons. \nLike... not having to check with your SO to stay all night somewhere, or having to consider their expenses for purchases, or having to really think about anyone other than yourself. \n\nIn my own situation, I love my SO. I do a lot for him and don't usually get upset when he doesn't notice. But lately it feels like I'm the only one doing anything to keep our romance alive and it honestly feels like wasted effort. \n\nI know I need to talk to him, but are these feelings normal? Even in healthy relationships?", "answer": "life is a trade off\n\nhave a big talk. if it goes nowhere suggest couple therapy. if that goes nowhere it's likely over i'm afraid", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ov40z", "comment_id": "dkkezn3"}, {"question": "Long Showers?", "description": "I take the longest showers in the world I feel like. I've gotten into the bad habit of sitting down while showering. So I sit down and spent 30 minutes watching youtube while my hands get pruny and then say: Oh right I'm showering, then take another 15 minutes to shower. \n\nI just moved into my own place and I got my heat bill yesterday... I cant imagine where my water will be at if I continue this behavior. Is this an ADHD thing? If so what do you guys do to help take shorter showers? I've tried a timer in the past but that only worked until I had a bad day and just wanted to lay in the shower until I used all the water in the lake. ", "answer": "Leave your phone out of the bathroom! If you need some stimulation while you\u2019re showering, get a cheap Bluetooth shower speaker and set your phone to a playlist and leave it in the other room. I think if you can cut out this one thing as well as sitting down in the shower that would be enough to shorten your showers sufficiently to avoid a ridiculous bill.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ad6ssj", "comment_id": "ede3laj"}, {"question": "What can I expect from psychological testing?", "description": "Monday, I am calling a behavioral health center in my area. I am finally going to take the needed steps to combat my anxiety. I am 22 and have been struggling with it since approximately age 10. While I am excited to try to rebuild my life, I am also terrified of the entire process, especially the psychological testing... I have never been through this nor have I talked to a counselor/psychologist.\n\nSo, I ask of you, Reddit: What can I expect? Are there specific questions I could be asked? If you have been through the process, how scary/frustrating/etc was it for you? How did you deal with these feelings? What advice can you give to possibly help me out?", "answer": "Honestly- most psychological tests are with a pencil and paper. Some are long, but most take about 15-20 minutes.\n\nThe important thing to remember is that there are no right or wrong answers- and it is important to be as honest as you can be.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "zwizm", "comment_id": "c68cxh7"}, {"question": "I haven't been in school since the second grade and I really want to find a way to go to college and get a degree", "description": "Very long story short, I grew up with a mentally ill, unstable and neglectful mother who decided to take me out of school when I was young to 'homeschool' me because of how *dangerous* public school was. Basically, she removed me from school, decided to try teaching me math a couple of times, had me write an essay, and eventually gave up because I was 'being too difficult', but never re-enrolled me into school.\n\nSome pertinent details: I'm 19, about 6 months shy of 20, and live in the state of Oklahoma. I haven't been in a public school setting since I was about 7, maybe 8. I enrolled myself into a GED course when I was 16 through a local college but as I was also working at the time and suffering with godawful depression, once the winter break came and went, I just never found the time or motivation to go back. That is my own fault, I'll grant.\n\nMainly, what I'm looking for here is a clear-cut path to where I want to go.\n\nI'd like to go to an actual university -- one of those Big Boy Schools like OU or OSU -- but I know that's next to impossible without things like high school transcripts, extracurriculars... important things that make you look like a worthy student. So I guess I'm just looking for advice on the next step. Is my best option going for the GED and then working my ass off to get admission into a community college? Is there anything I can do to 'pad my resume', so to speak, and give myself the edge that most kids already have by my age?\n\nI know about concurrent enrollment; I enrolled with TCC to do a non-degree-seeking concurrent language class but never quite went through with it, so would I be able to do that kind of thing to get me to where I need to be?\n\nWorth noting that I'm not at all against community colleges or trade schools. I wouldn't consider going to one to be 'less than', I just had really high hopes for myself growing up that I never had the opportunity to live up to, but I'd like to remedy that now. Tentative plan is to do something like nursing, tech work, something in the medical field, but in the meantime I'm perfectly okay with just finding a way to get my core classes going so I can figure out my next move. I've never really had options, so if I can, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm sorry if this is kind of ramble-y; I wanted to get the ball rolling while I still felt the drive. I'm willing to answer any questions anyone might have to the best of my ability and provide as much information as I can.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nP.S. If this is in the wrong place or is better suited for a more particular sub, point the way! I'm more than happy to migrate. Thanks in advance, all.", "answer": "If you can get a GED, you can get into community college. Admission to CC is not competitive - you just have to meet the basic requirements and pay tuition. I don't think you need to particularly pad your resume in that respect. \n\nIf you can do well in CC, you can transfer those credits to OU/OSU. Both are great schools. Once you get to community college, ask if they have recommendations for someone who wants to transfer to a 4-year school. The CC's in my area have something called Pathways which are recommended courses to take to transfer to certain degree programs at certain universities in the area - basically, they've communicated with each other and pretty much guarantee that the credits from those courses will transfer.\n\nAs for actually getting into 4-year universities from CC - transfer students tend to have a bit of an easier time getting in than high school freshmen IF they can prove they can handle college-level coursework - so if you get good grades and have the credits they're looking for, you shouldn't have a hard time getting in at all. Colleges like seeing transfers that have proven themselves in a college environment because they're less likely to drop out or transfer again. \n\nMake sure you fill out the FAFSA and apply for any student financial aid you can find, both for CC and 4-year uni. \n\nAbove all else, always be willing to ask questions and seek out help wherever you can in this whole process. That includes getting the GED, signing up for CC, and doing classwork. The people who go into education - teachers, counselors, advisors, etc tend to be there to help people. If you encounter someone who isn't helpful, find someone else. \n\nOnce you get to CC, look into their Nursing, Med Tech, and Nurse's Aide/Assistant programs, things like that might be of interest. You can look up their programs on their website and see what types of classes you would be taking and what it's preparing you for, see how you like each one and explore some similar ones.\n\nSource: I do college counseling at a high school. Hope something in here helps!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "dqd7ro", "comment_id": "f637wc7"}, {"question": "How do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns. \n\nMy old doctor left the practice and I don't like the new PA I was assigned. After a year of seeing her, it's like I'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something I'm allergic to. I did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.\n\nHow do I start up with the new doctor without having a physical? I just had a physical with the PA in March, so I won't be due another one for a while. Do I have to wait until I get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (I've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, I would only go to urgent cares when I was sick.) Also, can I do the visit without transferring my records first? This doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously I wouldn't want to transfer from my PA. It would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.\n\nSorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). I know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "Yes, new patient well visits are standard. You call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. You will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.\n\nThe easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. You would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. There's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. The transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "e0e449f"}, {"question": "After a year on meds, I finally increased my dose and I'm scared :( what happens from now on?", "description": "So after a year on 10mg adderall IR 5 times daily (50mg total), I've switched to 15mg IR 4 times daily (60mg).\n\nI was really really obsessively afraid of this happening. Adderall made a black and white difference in my life. It turned an extremely depressed and non competent me into the go getting extroverted person I've always wanted to be. \n\nI'm really scared. I don't want this to be a reoccurring thing :(. My doctor has said he goes up to 80mg daily, which is somewhat comforting, but what happens when I reach that and I need to go up more? It feels like a ticking time bomb with a minuscule fuse.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've read that some people find the right dosage and stay on it forever, and that's also what my doctor told me, but I'm worried that I wont be one of those people. I thought my dose right now was perfect, until it started slowly dropping off about 3-4 months ago.\n\nI'm so damn envious of neurotypicals :/", "answer": "Try to stop thinking. Hard with ADHD I know. It's black and white, it's helping. Don't over think it. When it stops or you reach 80mg worry then. \n\nThere are options, maybe ask your doctor what he does when 80mg is no longer effective, he'll tell you their are options and may put your mind at ease. Until then, don't think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22fax", "comment_id": "eiq3258"}, {"question": "Day 4, Bipolar Disorder, and Relationships", "description": "Day 4 here. Started smoking daily about 3 years ago to help me \"cope\" with my Bipolar II disorder. I regularly see a p-doc and take prescription meds as treatment. Lost my job of 4 years in December due to a failed random mouth swab drug test. I've never been high on the job, always just after work to mellow out. After I was fired, my weed intake dramatically increased. Stoned 24/7, as all my friends and even my family smoke too. As I type this I can hear them coughing and smoking in our garage underneath me.\n\nAnyway, I finally got the motivation to quit after spending time with a girl that I like. She's got quite a bit of emotional baggage right now as she is going through a divorce. The deal was to be friends/friends with benefits which made sense, and was initially okay, but now I realize how much I like her and how good she makes me feel. I also realize that I should be quitting weed for myself, not for anyone else, but I figured any little push to get me off this garbage is good. Long story short, she reinforced that she doesn't want a relationship and it hurt a bit more than I thought it would. I also haven't dated in years and don't go through this often.\n\nStruggling so hard to not light up and become comfortably numb again, but I know I need to stay strong.\n\nI just wanted to write this to hopefully feel at least a little better, and get some positive encouragement and advice. Anyone else have BP2 disorder and is trying to make a change for the better?", "answer": "I have BPD II and I am currently getting my master's degree in experimental psychology (because I'm bipolar and wanted to really learn about it). I also have a PTSD diagnosis from an experience with an ex, which my doctor prescribed me medical marijuana for (I was already smoking daily anyway). I'm trying to get myself off of it now. I know how difficult romantic relationships can be with BPD. I don't know what I can tell you, though. I exercise almost daily, eat healthy foods, take my medication as prescribed daily, and get about 10 hours of sleep a night. Still, I am deeply suicidal and feel hopeless. I can't even tell you that quitting marijuana is the right decision to make. But if you do hold fast, at least you can say that you have a strong will, and that is something to be proud of. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7zavcf", "comment_id": "duoeqij"}, {"question": "How can I get my therapist to take this more seriously?", "description": "I think I may have OSDD-an because I have a lot of people in my head and they take over sometimes, and we used to have a different host. But my therapist is very dismissive, when I say \u201cI\u2019m not the same host we used to have\u201d she says that all people change over time, and when I tell her about switching she says all people act different in different situations. I can see where she\u2019s coming from but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s this drastic to suddenly become an entirely different person with entirely different values. I think my experiences align with OSDD-1B the most but also if anyone could point out anything else that matches these symptoms then maybe I can bring those up instead. I just don\u2019t think living as so many different people is \u201cnormal\u201d.", "answer": "How trauma informed is this therapist?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwlu71", "comment_id": "fmp4eaa"}, {"question": "Twitching eyelid.", "description": "My right's eye eyelid started twitching yesterday. I read some about that and aparently is due to stress or tiredness. Thing is, it never twitched before, even though I was under much more stress/lack of sleep. Should I go to see a doctor or something? It will even stop?\n\nps: 19yrs, 200lbs, 1,80m\nps2: It just twitches occasionally \n", "answer": "Blepharospasm is common and nothing to worry about :) ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8elaql", "comment_id": "dxw6yhf"}, {"question": "Does anyone else actually hate \"Reddit culture\"?", "description": "Part of the reason I need to stop using this site is because so much of it is toxic. There is so much cynicism, negativity, hatred and arguing on this website. Every is constantly putting each other down, it's terrible. Not only that but I keep saying the same old jokes and information on the same old tired topics. I feel like I'll be so much more mentally healthy when I'm off this website.", "answer": "kind of ironic how people are commenting to put you down...lol. Sorry bud", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "cw01yu", "comment_id": "ey7kkhe"}, {"question": "I'm scared I might have to be committed to the hospital again.", "description": "I've been on a constant battle of highs and lows lately, and it's getting to the point where I'm concerned I might do something stupid and fuck up my whole system that I started for myself. \nI'm getting anxious and my thoughts are clouded and horrible thoughts are being produced because of that anxiety and it won't stop. I think I'm coming to a point where I can't talk myself down and I really just don't want to go to the hospital because I can't get my shit together. \nI just want to feel better and I thought I was doing well for a little bit but then of course I take two fucking steps in the opposite direction of my good path.\n\nI don't have people in my life that I can share this with, my boyfriend is dealing with his own things at the moment and I feel like I'm burdening him with just more problems, but then I cause problems by being emotional when he acts stand-offish because he's dealing with his shit. \n\nMaybe it's better that I go to the hospital, I don't know. \n\nI'm sorry if this doesn't belong here or if I'm not doing this right. It's my first time actually posting on reddit after being a long time lurker of multiple subs. ", "answer": "I found i feel the worst when I don't talk about it and keep it all in. It kills me inside to not but I feel so much better if I confront someone about how I feel and be real about it. \n\n\"Hey I know this sounds irrational but i feel this way\"", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2kuqtr", "comment_id": "clp5bhr"}, {"question": "I have a separate voice in my head that I hear and interact with on a daily basis.", "description": "Using a throwaway.\n\nSo I have told my therapist this but I kind of...downplayed how important the voice is in my head. I talk to the voice aaalll the time, almost on a constant basis. And it\u2019s not like I\u2019m lonely. I have a ton of friends that I spend time with and talk to on a regular basis but the voice is still always there. He is actually the one who convinced me to go to therapy because my depression and anxiety was getting really bad and he wanted me to get help. I told my therapist that he\u2019s there to just help me through problems I have (which he does...we bounce ideas off of each other until a solution comes up) and it was like having someone to talk to who couldn\u2019t tell someone else my problems. She told me not to worry about it because it just sounds like a coping mechanism but I also wasn\u2019t completely honest with her about the importance of the voice in my head and I also wasn\u2019t honest that it was separate. She just thought my \u201cthought voice\u201d is masculine instead of being a separate entity. I just didn\u2019t correct her.", "answer": "Hey, I'm a little late to this thread but even if you're hearing voices, *it doesn't have to be a bad thing*. Some people hear supportive or neutral voices and there's nothing wrong with that! Voices aren't all scary or bad.\n\nI am *not* saying you have schizophrenia or anything like that as I'm not your therapist, but here's a cool TED talk I watched a while back from someone who hears voices if you're interested.\n\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw\n\nThere's nothing wrong with bringing up your experience with your therapist if you haven't already. You obviously have some thoughts and concerns about what you're experiencing, even if the experience isn't negative, and it's therefore something worth discussing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bwqah3", "comment_id": "ev0hw8y"}, {"question": "Is it me or is it him?", "description": "My (46F) boyfriend (46M) have been together for 6 years this time. We dated in high school/college for 6 years too, so we have a lot of history. I love him but I think he's selfish, and he thinks I'm demanding. Case in point. My birthday is in a few weeks and his is the week after. Several days ago, he showed me a photo of a lovely bed and breakfast in the mountains. It's a place I would love. 2 days ago, he asks if I would like to go away the weekend before my birthday. I think he means the place he showed me and tell him I'd love to. Then he proceeds to tell me he's thinking we could go to Gainesville. I have zero interest in going there (we are in Orlando) and I just look at him, mind kind of puzzled . Then he proceeds to tell me that my birthday weekend is when the big friends of the library book sale is and we can go to that, then to some breweries for some drinks and maybe get a hotel. In other words, his dream day. I have zero interest in spending 4 or more hours at a used book sale and he has several thousand (yes, you read that correctly) used books, so he doesn't actually need any reading material. I don't say anything, but spend a couple of days thinking about what I do want to do (I have children and family I want to spend time with) and think about What I'm going to do for his birthday. I am on a tight budget, but decide to spring for a Wanee ticket. It's his favorite thing in the world and he enjoys going, listening to music and getting away by himself. It's the Th, F, S before my birthday. I give him the ticket and he's thrilled. He said he didn't want to spend the money and he had already planned to spend the weekend with me bc of my birthday. I told him it was fine bc I didn't want to book shop and drink beer for my birthday anyway. Then he says that we can still go to the book sale on Sunday. I again tell him I don't want to go. So he says he will just go on his own on his way home and he will won't be home till dinner time Sunday. I am really hurt by this. He is going to leave Wednesday, spend the next 3 days at this festival and then all day Sunday book shopping. He works on my actual birthday. Am I being unreasonable? Is he totally selfish? \n\ntl;dr: boyfriend has a fun filled weekend planned for himself, on my birthday", "answer": "Not very considerate of him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62dri8", "comment_id": "dflp47k"}, {"question": "Can a therapist diagnose?", "description": "As the title says i'm just curious about since my therapist, after talking with her a lot about trauma told me that I most certainly have PTSD, and with my ED after telling her what my symptoms were said \"Yeahhh the symptoms your describing sounds a LOT like Anorexia\", then asked me further questions to make sure it was accurate, I mean tbh I think it is and she had said to me that it helps her and we can work from there, but are therapists allowed to diagnose? I just don't wanna feel like i'm getting her in trouble or something because i'm saying \"DIAGNOSE ME DIAGNOSE ME\" n whatnot, I know psychiatrists can. But she's had me fill out forms with my symptoms, gone over them with me (Which at the time was to help me understand because I felt as though I was faking). I just don't wanna over step boundaries or anything or try to make her do stuff she might not be equipped for as a therapist.", "answer": "It depends on license and scope of practice. Many master 's level therapists can diagnose, and do for insurance purposes , but they often have a limited scope of diagnosis. \n\nMany psychologists also do therapy and can definitely diagnose.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g28aww", "comment_id": "fnk41zh"}, {"question": "Are psychiatric authorities compulsory down-voters? Let's do an experiment.", "description": "The standard policy in clinical practice is that a patient who disagrees with his/her doctor should be referred to a different doctor. Similarly, it is often included in publications on patient rights that, \"the patient always has the right to go to a different doctor.\"\n\nIn reality, the policy is a euphemism, and the right is a joke. This is in contrast to civilized methods of resolving disputes, such as mediation or compromise, which are focussed on reaching an agreement that is acceptable to both parties.\n\nDown-voting, to be brutally honest, is a way of making people feel bad. Although negative reinforcement may effectively dissuade people from making similar posts in the future, it may also leave a sensitive person wondering \"what did I do wrong?\" without anybody to ask. Personally, I don't think bullying is any more likely to cause major depression than drug-abuse. **Torture, on the other hand, can break anybody.**\n \n \nBy the way, I'm not a down-voter myself, but I have a mental illness that makes me repeat things as many times as they are down-voted. Is there a name for that?", "answer": "I'm really not sure what you're saying or asking here. \n \nBut how are you doing? What you wrote makes it seen like you're stressed out or frustrated. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1z4lji", "comment_id": "cfqkohf"}, {"question": "How do I find a therapist? Fort Worth Texas", "description": "I live in the Fort Worth area and I\u2019m new to this area, so I know no one. Because of that it\u2019s been hard to find a good therapist. I don\u2019t know anyone for recommendations, and everything I see on google has terrible reviews. I really want to start talking to somebody but at this rate it will take me months or a year to find someone. How do y\u2019all find a therapist?", "answer": "Hello! I'd recommend starting off looking at therapist profiles on two websites: Psychology Today and GoodTherapy. Google those sites and type in a couple zip codes near you. You can narrow down the results to various different factors too, which you will see on the left hand side of the results.\n\nStart reading through profiles that catch your eye and see if any interest you. Pick a list of your top 3 from both sites and start giving them some calls to see if they are taking new clients and their availability.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "efxpzu", "comment_id": "fc3267n"}, {"question": "[21/m] insecure about my lack of dating/sex experience, how do I gain confidence and explain myself to others?", "description": "As I'm approaching the end of my junior year of college, it just gets harder to me to accept my virgin status.\n\nWhen I initially meet people (anyone, just not people I'm interested in) they never get that vibe from me. To many people I come across as a tall, good-looking, funny, emotionally stable guy. They're usually caught off guard hearing I'm single, which makes me feel that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone.\n\nOverall I don't have much experience with girls. I've been on dates and whatnot, but nothing's progressed for the most part. For starters I'm completely oblivious and don't catch many signs that someone is interested in me. Apparently there have been countless missed opportunities for me.\n\nMy first kiss was only a year ago, and the \"relationship\" only lasted a month. I'm afraid I come off as too \"innocent\" and girls really don't want to bother with me. On another occasion I have gotten the whole \"I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't want to you to hate me\" bit, but for all I know it could've been BS.\n\nI guess virginity used to be a choice for me. I grew up as a Catholic, so I used to take chastity a tad more seriously. That's not the case anymore as I'm in college, but now I feel like I'm behind and girls won't want to bother with me due to my inexperience.\n\nPosting this, I'd like to say I don't plan on hooking up with anyone. Knowing myself, I get attached to people easily and don't want to put myself through any problems I won't be able to handle emotionally. In general I'm very careful with who I open up with in life, be it friends or potential interests, so in that sense something like sex isn't something I'd throw away.\n\nOverall I guess I'm afraid of being vulnerable and potentially disappointing girls I might get involved with. I don't want them to get the wrong/a bad impression of me and my performance. Yeah I might be \"innocent\", \"pure\" compared to most, but I have desires too. I'm sure someone on this page could give me perspective of some kind. Thanks, y'all", "answer": "Be patient with yourself. Go SLOW. If someone can't deal with that, they're the wrong person. Be yourself. We all start at the beginning.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s2hd", "comment_id": "dfgu8eu"}, {"question": "Should I let someone in my family keep drinking every night or call them out on it?", "description": "One of my family members drinks everything and last time I called her out on it she flipped out for days. She has went days here and there without drinking and it's such a better person. What do I do to change her habits? What can I do?", "answer": "You can\u2019t make her do anything which is the hardest part about this situation. She has to want to change on her own. All you can do is state your concerns and be supportive while taking care of yourself and setting limits. It is not your job nor is it possible to change someone\u2019s habits or behaviors. This is easy to say but much harder to do and realize with people you care about. Good luck. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7ame6f", "comment_id": "dpb4qka"}, {"question": "Concerning CBC results for little one", "description": "Today we went for a routine doctor check with our 7 month old daughter (weight 22.4 lbs - 10.16 KG and height 28.7inches - 73cm). She is a perfect child always smiling always full of energy never had any problems.\n\nDoctor ordered a CBC and we got the results in the evening with some concerning entries.\n\nThe sections that are flagged are:\n* Neutrophils percentage - 8% with recommended values between 15-55%\n* Neutrophils count - 0.76 thousand per uL - after reading online this indicates moderate neutropenia \n* Lymphocyte percentage 80.7 with recommended values between 40-70 (and FWIW 7.01 thousand per uL with recommendations between 4-12 - so count NORMAL but percentage off)\n\nWe got scared really bad really fast and we\u2019re trying to get a sense of how bad/serious the results are before we manage to get back to doctors to figure out next steps.\n\nI\u2019d like to ask for a general opinion and not specific questions but I have some of those as well in case it helps:\n\n1) How common is neutropenia in children less than a year\n2) How often is it related to serious issues?\n3) Given that she didn\u2019t have any fever and didn\u2019t have literally any problems up till now - what could be the cause of this?\n4) What could we expect as possible causes?\n5) What are the next recommended steps?\n\nThank you so much! \n", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician, but you have one. Talk to him or her.\n\nTake with a grain of salt, but here's what I make of it with no expertise: lymphocytes are slightly off by percentage but the count is okay, so I wouldn't worry much. The neutrophil count is also fine for a 7 month old, although the percentage is low; neutropenia is usually defined by the absolute neutrophil count, so I wouldn't worry about this either.\n\nThe most likely thing, I'd guess, is normal but relatively high counts for all the other cell types, with therefore a normal absolute neutrophil count that produces an unusually low percentage. The lymphocytes are part of it. It could be everything. In any case, for anything critical your pediatrician will call you; for anything else, it will wait. This may very well be a case where the doctor is completely unconcerned and doesn't think about how it looks to you, so call and ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1mee", "comment_id": "e4s2hup"}, {"question": "Mom (f62) thinks I'm (f32) ashamed of her. I'm not.", "description": "I just feel that adults who constantly have their moms around are, for lack of a better word, pathetic. I'm not ashamed of her personally, she's an admirable and inspiring woman, I just don't want to be seen as a freak that can't handle when mommy isn't around. \n\nThing is, sometimes she's clueless. For example:\n\nThe other night I (begrudgingly) told her I was going on a date that night. She tells me that I should talk about how she was a marine and that she was a mechanic, etc. She also mentioned that she should come down and meet him when he picked me up. \n\nNow, I think it would be weird on a first date to talk about my mom. He's on a date with me, why the hell would he care about her accomplishments when I'm the one he's trying to get to know? And on the first date having him meet my mom seems like the thing that would scare him away. It's only the first date, I might not even see him again afterwards.\n\nShe sees this as me being ashamed of her and I don't know how to get her to understand that it's not personal. Am I wrong about this? I kinda feel like I'm being an asshole.", "answer": "she needs to respect boundaries. you're a grown up!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6benz9", "comment_id": "dhm001o"}, {"question": "What does it take to become a therapist?", "description": "Hi! \n\nMy title pretty much says it all. I apologize if I am asking in the wrong community. I am two years out of college, and I am just trying to figure my passion in life. Becoming a therapist is something I genuinely interested in and would love to get into. I would love feedback / tips to what it takes to become a licensed therapist?\n\nThanks for your help in advance!", "answer": "In the US, commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling (directory of CACREP accredited programs here: https://www.cacrep.org/directory/ ), MFT (directory of COAMFTE-accredited programs here: https://coamfte.org/COAMFTE/Directory_of_Accredited_Programs/MFT_Training_Programs.aspx ) or Social Work (list of CSWE accredited programs here, be sure to filter appropriately: https://www.cswe.org/Accreditation/Directory-of-Accredited-Programs.aspx ) Typically programs are about 2 years. \n\nAfter you graduate, you will do some amount of pre-licensure hours (varies by state and specific licensure path) and meet any other state licensure requirements for the state where you are residing/want to practice in (e.g. a written exam).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "himhpu", "comment_id": "fwhhrde"}, {"question": "Is this a normal feeling?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "I don't really believe there's any such thing as normal. I believe everyone's crazy. It's just a matter of what way and how much. \n\nResearch shows that about 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives. My guess is that it's much higher but many would be afraid/ashamed to disclose even anonymously. \n\n\nThe more important to ask yourself is: Are these thoughts so distressing to you that they're impairing your life somehow? If so, I'd suggest talking to a therapist to figure out what's going on. If you're old enough to be in med school, you're old enough to go to a therapist without your parents or anyone else ever finding out if you don't want them to.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "f6mnvag"}, {"question": "I'm legit looking for advice. I need help.", "description": "Just for some background I am a 41 year old man who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 18. I also have a degree in psychology however I'm willing to admit there are things I dont know and am always learning. This post however isnt about me. It's about my son. My worry is that my \"precieved knowledge\" is hindering my decision making. \n\nMy son has been diagnosed ADHD with ODD. As many of you may know this is the most predictive diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder. The school and the \"behaviorist\" have recommended he be put on a stimulant. My problem is this. Number one ADHD is diagnosed at almost 3x the rate in the USA then anywhere else. And more kids are on stimulants in this country then any other drug. This isnt about whether the pharmaceutical companies influence these decisions its about weather at 6 he should be medicated. The behaviorist my wife took him to is a nurse practitioner, who I am assuming took some sort of class or seminar that \"certified\" her to be able to spot ADHD identifiers so she can write scripts to kids. It was likely funded by a pharmaceutical company for obvious reasons. \n\nI am not against medication. Not at all. In fact I think that if a psychologist recommends meds in conjunction with therapy its irresponsible to not take the meds. The result may be that without them, you're unreceptive to therapy. My issue is with a NP prescribing meds without the recommendation of a psychologist. However the school has successfully pressured my wife into this. Again this isnt about the vested interest the school system had in medicating kids it's about MY KID.\n\nCan anyone, preferably a psychologist, provide me with a few answers to questions if you dont mind.\n\n1) will stimulants affect my 6 year olds brain development in a negative way\n\n2) I've made a appointment with a psychologist but it's not for a month and my wife wants to start the meds NOW. Will the meds affect the analysis the psychologist makes next month? \n\n3) perhaps my most important question is this. I love my son. He is my best friend. I'm trying to make the correct decision. I was on many meds as a child and they all did more harm then good. It wasnt until I was finally diagnosed BPD at 18 and taught how to live with it, got into a gym to help my self worth, and learn overall skills for dealing with anxiety, anger and the like that I started to function better, and although life is hard I've learned the skills necessary to live a happy medication free lifestyle. So I guess I'm asking will the meds be something that hinder his progress in learning these skills OR will they help him and perhaps allow him to learn these things more easily.\n\nIf you stuck with this and read it to the end I already appreciate it. I'm looking for real advice. I am not opposed medication but question its validity in a 6 year old boy. However I admit there is alot about this I dont know and am seeking advice from a actual professional.", "answer": "Couldn't say for sure - but (as a UK shrink) your observations mirror my own and when I diagnose ADHD it takes 3 pretty long appointments and some testing as well. So a nurse practitioner diagnosing ADHD would seem brave in a UK context. Compare your experiences to what the NHS says about diagnosis and treatment: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "davc6s", "comment_id": "f1w4wo8"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "A few of my friends have told me that I tend to avoid looking at people when they're talking to me. Reading the posts on r/socialskills, they say one of the key ingredients to confidence is eye contact. So I did a social experiment on myself. I found that I couldn't look at my friends while talking to them for more than 2 or 3 seconds. After a few seconds I feel really uncomfortable and the thought of maintaining eye contact is daunting. I've been trying to fix this but I can't help but look away or I'll feel like breaking out into a panic attack. Any advice on improving my eye contact?", "answer": "I wrote a guide to [making eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact). Perhaps you'll find it helpful? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19bkpz", "comment_id": "c8mm4e5"}, {"question": "My girlfriend attempted suicide, and blamed me for that", "description": "Back in December, my girlfriend attempted suicide - the 4th time in her life, the first since I know her. We had been together for about 2 years, a month prior we had spent a week in Paris and Disneyland. She's always been unreliable, with me, strongly fluctuating between deep, deep love and pure hatred. She used to say the most horrible things to me during constant arguments, such as \"I'm happy you've been fired, you deserve it\", \"You're a 1000 times worse than my ex was\" or \"Everybody hates you. Ever wondered why? You suck.\". Sometimes she argued so hard I had a couple of panic attacks while on the phone with her.\n\nThe day before the attempted suicide, we had had yet another argument. She started yelling at me, 'cause she had had a bad day and I tried to talk about it, but she didn't want to. We ended up arguing on the phone till 3 AM. The day after I sent her a message on Facebook, saying that I had enough, that I was gonna stop trying to make her reason, and that being so irrational, sometimes cutting herself and being so distructive towards our relationship even though she loved me, I wanted her to see a therapist that could help her sort that out. She replied \"I don't wanna go to therapy, I'm perfectly fine and I don't wanna throw my future out of the window\". I was genuenly worried about her, and said \"Don't you see you have trouble dealing with people in general, not only me? You can't really go on like this forever. How are you get a job?\" (A week prior, she had argued so hard with my boss, she quit her position at the office I work at).\n\nShe went went \"If this time around I'm successuful, tell 'em I'm sorry\". And proceded to swallow 12 pills of expired xanax. She then called me, lying on the bathroom floor, unable to breath or walk. Being unable to drive all the way there myself, I grabbed another phone and quickly rushed to call her brother who then reached her, and called an ambulance.\n\nMy mum drove me to the hospital. I was then called by a Doctor: she was lying on a bed, her relatives there looking at me. The Doctor started yelling at me, and then her parents, saying that my girlfriend had blamed me, that she had attempted suicide because of what I had told her. I bursted in to tears\u2026\n\nSince then, my life's snapped in half and nothing is the same.\n\nShe's fine, she came back home a week after and going to therapy since then. Is it my fault, if she almost died? I'm haunted by this tought.", "answer": "That doctor has issues don\u2019t listen to them. Suicide is just about never anyone\u2019s fault\n\nYour girlfriend needs serious help\n\nHer attempts are not your fault\n\nIf you care about her wellbeing make sure she goes to her therapy\n\nMost importantly- take care of yourself, get some counseling, and frankly I\u2019d recommend breaking this off for your own wellbeing.\n\nETA: can\u2019t really diagnose over the internet but from this info she\u2019s exhibiting a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "bascll", "comment_id": "eke8sw3"}, {"question": "When/How to get a new therapist?", "description": "So, I recently started therapy for the first time. My counselor helped me find her and reassured me the company she worked with was great. I\u2019ve gone to 4 appointments now, though, and I\u2019m just not sure. I\u2019m mostly concerned because we haven\u2019t gotten to the actual \u201ctherapy\u201d part yet. The first two appointment were paperwork, the most recent two have been practicing mindfulness/grounding, but she hasn\u2019t really shown any concern about my issues. I think a lot of this is just because we haven\u2019t clicked yet (and I struggle a lot when I don\u2019t click with people,) but I\u2019m not sure when to throw in the towel or where to even start.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI'd bring up this in session with her. This would be a good way for her to gauge your idea of progress within the therapy process so far and it would help clear the air a bit and give you a chance to speak a bit more about it. It can be simple as \"It's been 4 sessions now and I don't feel like we've really gotten into why I'm here.\" Also, it might be good to ask what it might \"look like\" when \"the actual therapy\" part arrives. What kinds of things do you expect? What are you hoping to see?\n\nI get the idea a lot from new clients that want to just jump right in and immediately start working on stuff. There are a lot of reasons why that might not happen immediately, and 4 sessions is not a lot of time (unless your therapist specifically uses short term approaches. But since she has done 2 sessions of paperwork and 2 sessions of grounding, I would imagine not). \n\nYou are the one that has full say in what you choose to do, though. If you feel like it's just not clicking you are perfectly able to find someone else. I would definitely at least bring up these ideas with her first and see how she responds. That might give you a clearer answer.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ehn4hb", "comment_id": "fck7kwi"}, {"question": "My treatment at a day hospital starts tomorrow..", "description": ".. and I'm heavily panicking, freaking out and just crying for the past days. \n\nSo tomorrow my treatment program at this open psychiatric ward starts and I'm terrified. It's evening now and every minute to minute I'm panicking more and more. I don't know what to do to calm down, nothing seems to work. I have no distraction at all, none of my friends who know about that feels the need to talk to me to keep me from drowning in my thoughts and panic. I feel like it's asked too much to just have someone who keeps me busy this evening. I tried to distract myself by watching some episodes of one of my favorite series but not even that works. \n\nDoes anyone here have experience with being at a day hospital (probably also one in Germany?) and can calm me down and tell me its not a horrific kind of prison thing? Because.. Thats what I imagine and I can't get my mind off it.\n\nAnyways, thanks for reading I guess, I somehow will survive it, I'm sure.", "answer": "Assuming it's not too different from UK day units - it's basically a day centre with experienced staff and various options to manage whatever your mental health issues are (I'm guessing anxiety!)\n\nNot a prison, you're going there voluntarily, and theres nothing you can say to them that they've probably not heard a million times before.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f1c783", "comment_id": "fh3x6zx"}, {"question": "PTSD/GAD dog for a non-veteran (x-post from /r/anxiety)", "description": "I went to see my doctor yesterday to have my meds adjusted, etc. She recommended that I get a service dog trained to help me with my PTSD and GAD symptoms...and to prevent me from turning into a complete hermit. Before I left her office I was given a signed letter stating this.\n\nThe problem is most everywhere I look only works with veterans. I've called a few places that don't say \"vets only,\" but have only gotten voicemail.\n\nSo now I really don't know what to do next. Neither my therapist nor my doctor have any ideas of who to ask, since dogs trained to help with PTSD are a new development.\n\nDoes anyone out there have any ideas? Or is maybe going through the same search? Thanks for reading this.\n", "answer": "I'd recommend finding a psychologist or therapist who specializes in PTSD, and who knows one or more of the research-supported treatments. These include prolonged exposure therapy (PE), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Personally, that's the order in which I rank them, but that's my bias - they all have data supporting their efficacy. I know you're not a veteran, but I'll tell you that the US military and VA are investing large amounts of money in training therapists to do PE and CPT, so there's another vote of confidence in those therapies. These are intended to lead to lasting change, not to support you for the rest of your life. They're not easy treatments, but after 10-16 sessions, people tend to improve a lot and maintain their gains for 2 years or longer (I'm not sure any studies have gone further out than 2 years post-treatment).\n\nGood luck.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1ab3cp", "comment_id": "c94cyg2"}, {"question": "[24/m] Do I have a reason to be suspicious? What is my next step?", "description": "Hi reddit,\n\nBit of background, my girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years now. We have discussed getting married sometime in the near future, but we still have to figure out some things(ex where we are living, what schools, etc). She will be attending medical school, and I am in an engineering field. \n\nMy girlfriend and I recently attended a seminar together. The nature of the seminar is not important, but there was a lot of other college students there from a variety of majors. I also attended this seminar last year where I made good friends with, let's say, Tom. My girlfriend was not in attendance last year.\n\nThis year, my girlfriend and I drove up to the seminar and she met Tom. She made friends with Tom almost immediately since they are both going to be attending different medical school in the fall and have somewhat similar interests relating to medicine. Note, Tom has a girlfriend who is also attending the seminar and Tom also knows that my girlfriend and I are a couple and have been for a long time. \n\nOne night at the seminar I was sitting at our table when we were eating dinner and I noticed that Tom was being somewhat friendly with my girlfriend as they were talking. In a sense, my male instinct went off but I played it off chill as if it was nothing. I then decided to be funny and sent her a snapchat while she was sitting there talking to Tom with a picture of both of them with a caption like \"hahah #swooped\". Needless to say Tom saw the picture and was somewhat embarrassed. He later apologized to me about his somewhat behavior and I told him no worries, I was only joking and it was funny, which we both laughed at. My girlfriend also thought it was hilarious. \n\nThat evening he also decided to apologize to my girlfriend by saying he might have come off as trying to be more than friends. He did this by looking her up on Facebook and sending her a message saying \"so it looks like I just got banned from getting your number! so sorry about everything haha.\" She then replied \"Don't worry about it. I like talking to you. My boyfriend can chill.\"\n\nNeedless to say I was infuriated by her response since it seems as if she is putting me in the corner since she has found some fresh meat. We discussed it and there were no lingering feelings. Later on, I noticed some other things happening such as her going to sit with him during meals, getting up and leaving the room (while I was sitting next to her )to go to the other room and sit with him, etc. Needless to say this irked me out. \n\nI asked her if he sent her any more messages over Facebook, to which she said \"No.\" Although, I knew that this was a lie since I saw him send her more messages. I asked her to show me the messages and she flat out refused to. She told me that he had asked her to not show me any of the conversations that they had, and that he wished that their conversations remain private. My girlfriend and I have had no secrets in the past and have always shared every little excruciating detail with each other. I ended up convincing her to show me the conversation and it was very evident that he was flirting by saying something like \"I can't really keep my eyes to myself\" meaning that he is looking at her.\n\nI have also seen them go off on walks together for 15-30 minutes at a time in places where others couldn't see them, since we were somewhat in the wilderness. She has repeatedly told me that there is nothing I need to be suspicious about and that I was overreacting. Should I be suspicious? What should I do?", "answer": "if she's lying, be suspicious", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg1ho", "comment_id": "dbnpqv0"}, {"question": "Anyone else sick of how drinking is portrayed in American culture?", "description": "Everywhere I look it\u2019s another meme, post, or T-shirt that is supposed to be cute or funny about drinking, being drunk or having a drinking problem. I\u2019m so confused as to why it\u2019s being shoved down our throats constantly. Is alcoholism cute and funny?! It\u2019s really sad to me and it\u2019s no wonder so many of us have a problem. So many people die because of alcohol. Alcoholism, making impaired decisions, drunk driving, etc. It isn\u2019t funny.\n", "answer": "Ireland ... you guessed it... bad too. Today we were in a restaurant where neither my husband or i had an alchoholic drink. When the bill came it was on a small tray under 6 wine bottle corks for effect.I found that weird. I know the restaurant is really into its wine but it seemed out of place and trying too hard ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uzp2d", "comment_id": "e1kbir8"}, {"question": "Reddit is NOT for Black women, I am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "Reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. There's subs for things like Memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.\n\nBut as a black woman, I have learned **Reddit.is.not.our.friend.**\n\nSomething that I found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. Very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. I've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. Men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. Also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. But then if there's a black woman with straight hair I've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! The most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. Black men are rated way better than us. Just say you like European features better! \n\nWhenever I have talked about my experiences with racism I'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". But posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a POC didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes I've ever seen :(\n\nThis is why I only really go on subs for Black men and women only, because I feel good about my blackness and I can be myself with people judging me. And people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other POC) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**\n\nHonestly I might take a break :/\n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. You wrote about your experience so eloquently. You clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. Maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! Keep your head up! I see you, girl! Don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "eeqxiho"}, {"question": "Should I go out with him again?", "description": "So I went and hung out with a guy from tinder, I thought it was a date but he called it hanging out and then we went for coffee and he ordered first then paid for himself and I still don't know how I feel about it. Conversation was so great, and i wasn't expecting him to pay for me but I thought it was a date. And I would've totally paid for him but the fact he wouldn't pay for me made me not want to buy his drink. He wants to hangout again but idk is that a bad sign???", "answer": "People that have played the Tinder game for a while are likely wanting to meet you casually first to see if there is a connection. If there is, then go on a date! I wouldn't read into it too much. If he wants to go on a date now that you have met, he will ask.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70eznf", "comment_id": "dn2oyop"}, {"question": "How do you ever feel comfortable in bed again?", "description": "I have PTSD which seems to be triggered by beds, among other things. This has been an issue for me for many years but it\u2019s getting worse again recently with a few added stressors. Has anyone been able to overcome this trigger? I tried asking my partner to get rid of the bed and sleep on the floor or a couch or pretty ouch anything else but they won\u2019t have it. I don\u2019t know what to do. I spend hours every night experiencing flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. I just want to be able to close my eyes and not be afraid of what\u2019s waiting for me.", "answer": "If you are able to go to a doctor, you might be able to talk about this and get on the medication \"Minipress.\" It is technically used for high blood pressure but it is also prescribed to people who experience PTSD-induced nightmares. There might be something else for you to try, but if it has gotten that bad where you have such a difficult time sleeping, I'd really suggest seeing a doctor for this.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "d1m24g", "comment_id": "eznjuxq"}, {"question": "10,000 days", "description": "Wow. Here I am at the top of Keystone mountain in Colorado skiing on my 10,000th sober day. I finally think I have lived more days sober than drunk/hungover. \n\nTo anyone wondering how I did it. I don\u2019t really know other than I know I totally surrendered and asked for help. Recovery programs exist because they work. \n\nIt sure is pretty skiing. I just wanted to post and say Hello and maybe be a bit of encouragement to someone that is still struggling. \n\n\ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffcIWNDWYT", "answer": "Congratulations! I\u2019m wishing you many more!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "e9bk2p", "comment_id": "fai87tc"}, {"question": "2 years brokenup, am I depressed?", "description": "Ex and I broke up two years ago due to her having to move to a different country, I was 19 now we\u2019re both 21. I cut off contact in order to move on then two months later I caved calling her asking about everything and saying I still wanted her and would pay whatever it took to see her and she had already moved on. So again I cut contact and did everything in the books on \u2018moving on\u2019 I stayed busy, I blocked all her social media with no contact, didn\u2019t check up on her, put all our memories in the attic, deleted all our old pictures, focused on my career and spent time with friends and 6 months later.. I felt even worse. So I signed a job contract abroad where I was full on working with performers.. there I was in a beautiful country crying about my ex after 8 months. It\u2019s now been two years, she has a different boyfriend and she reached out to me to talk. I decided to be her friend as it helped ease the pain but I\u2019m finding myself getting my hopes up and wondering why she hasn\u2019t called etc. I put a post up last night asking you guys if you think we could get back together and everyone thinks it won\u2019t happen and that I should move on.. this hit me and since then I\u2019ve been in bed for the last 20 hours. It\u2019s like my body refuses to move on", "answer": "yes. please get help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77mq0m", "comment_id": "don4f2s"}, {"question": "How do y'all deal with shame-spirals?", "description": "How does everyone else handle getting stuck in negative self-talk? On those days when all your coping skills collapse and you just...don't manage achieve even one of the goals you set yourself? I'm in my thirties, have had the diagnosis for years, and despite that I still have so many days that end with me feeling like a complete failure and berating myself for still not having figured out how to exist with my brain issues.\n\nSo what do you guys do? Wallow? Or do you have some tips to defeating the Sunday-night-shame-spiral?\n\nTL:DR: So many plans on Fridays, so much negativity on Sundays.", "answer": "I just want to say how helpful this post has been. I got an email from work that pushed me into starting a shame spiral and I ended up on this sub looking for distraction but found this thread.\n\nI\u2019m glad I\u2019m not the only one that feels this way and struggles with these problems. It makes me feel less insane.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b7w62h", "comment_id": "ejvlnrk"}, {"question": "My Xanax has turned on me.. has this happened to anyone else?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nXanax has recently been giving me intensified feelings of anxiety instead of helping to combat them the way it used to. Has anyone else experienced the same? \n\n\nIn June of 2012, I was given a prescription for 0.25 mg Xanax to be taken as needed for anxiety. I usually started by taking half of one, then would increase to one full tablet if I felt that I needed to. I'd max out at 2 tablets (0.5mg total). This was almost always at night after work. I hated taking them during the day.\n\n\nIt was very helpful and I was careful with how I took them, though there were times where I'd probably take them almost every day for about a week, and then slowly taper off just to make sure I didn't develop a hardcore dependency on them. \n\n\nLast month, after not taking Xanax for about 6 weeks, I felt that I needed to take it again. My anxiety was bad enough that I took 0.25 mg right away. Nothing happened. An hour and a half later, I took another 0.25mg. I felt very slight relief from the anxiety, so I was eventually able to fall asleep. But then the weirdest thing happened: \n\n\nI slept horribly. I tossed, I turned, I woke up several times and also just felt a terrible sense of anxiety upon waking (even worse than before I took the Xanax). I was a nervous wreck. I thought that maybe my anxiety was just that bad, and simply dealt with what I was feeling (at great suffering and with many tears/lots of shaking and clenching of teeth). But then the next time I took Xanax after that, the same thing happened, so I'm convinced that my body is reacting poorly to the Xanax now.\n\n\nThese days, I might as well just take Xanax if I want to make myself feel worse. \n\n\nI'm not sure how to approach this, as I have to find a doctor closer to where I live and approaching a new doctor with the remark of \"Xanax isn't working anymore, is there anything else you can give me?\" isn't my idea of a very smart course of action. \n\n\nThis is especially true because I recently stopped being able to afford therapy due to financial issues, and I don't want to regularly be on antidepressants. Any feedback from fellow Xanax users? :( \n\n**TL;DR:** Xanax is making me a nervous wreck when it really used to help a lot. Has this happened to anyone else? \n\n", "answer": "Unfortunately, that tends to happen with Xanax and other benzodiazepines. They work great, but were specifically designed for short term use only. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hy65l", "comment_id": "cazn8be"}, {"question": "Currently seeing a counselor, need to adjust my meds and don't want to go to a psychiatrist.", "description": "Title says it all. I had a GP since birth who I recently left because he started charging a monthly fee. Long story, but when I was with him I expressed an interest in seeing a psychiatrist. He told me not to, because of certain tactics psychiatrists use vs. counselors. He didn't want someone trying to get me on a cocktail of medications when I really only needed one and some good CBT.\n\nSo now I'm running out of Zoloft and I need to get my dose readjusted. Do I go see another GP and tell him/her my situation and ask for a reassessment of my medications? I'm on 25mg of Zoloft. Without my meds I'm irritable, on edge, and anxious. If I break my 50mg pill unevenly and take more than half I'm anxious, lightheaded, and can't stop zoning out.\n\nI know y'all aren't doctors and I need to see one, but I just need some form of feedback so I'll know what to expect.", "answer": "GP's aren't trained in psychotropic medications. Psychiatrists get years of extra training specific to psychiatric meds.\n\nIt is very irresponsible for your GP to advise against this. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y5nvp", "comment_id": "c5tbc05"}, {"question": "What are your Favorite Meals or Snacks for PCOS?", "description": "I have been doing the low carb/sugar thing since I was diagnosed, about a week ago, and my culinary imagination is getting dull. I don't eat a lot of meat, besides chicken and eggs for protein, and the whole salad thing is getting old. I know nuts are good but they get expensive. I'd like to hear what you ladies like to munch on!", "answer": "I find that a hard boiled egg is still pretty satisfying. I guess that's boring, but I find it reasonably filling and fine with just plain old salt! You can also make soy sauce eggs. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3jdbyb", "comment_id": "cut68qp"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "So sorry to hear this. Great decision in a tough time. This will be so hard without booze on top. Check in here when you can. Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "97m84j", "comment_id": "e4a63y0"}, {"question": "My therapist suggested I stop talking to certain people about the inner workings of my mind.", "description": "I have only told three people about my PTSD diagnosis, excluding you guys of course.\n\n1. My boyfriend of over 2 years that I live with. He is also my best friend and, honestly, the only one I've got as a support system.\n\n2. My roommate/friend- the closest person to me besides my boyfriend\n\n3. My mother- I thought she deserved to know.\n\n\nRecently, talking to my boyfriend about the disorder has caused a lot of conflict. I think aloud and often verbalize things I think to him just for the sake of sorting out what's going on in the jumbled mess of my thoughts. Often, he interprets this as complaining, me being self-centered, and as a personal attack on how he fails me. It's really not that to me at all. But when he responds negatively to me speaking my thoughts, I feel the need to justify myself and it turns into an argument. I don't want to be selfish but it's hard to think of anyone but myself when I constantly feel unsafe. Maslow's hierarchy, you know? I'll never reach self-actualization without first having security. Its also frustrating because I want him to understand what's going on with me and I know he tries to empathize, but he really doesn't have a clue. My therapist said to stop talking to him about it for a while. It reduces conflict and helps me come to terms with the fact that he will never completely understand what I'm going through. But I tell him everything! How can I keep something so important all bottled up and restrict communication in our relationship? That can't be good for the relationship, right?\nMy other friend isn't overly concerned with the issue and hasn't mentioned it again so neither have I. I'm fine with this.\nAs for my mother, my therapist thinks she may be a trigger for me and may inhibit my recovery. She's not the cause of the main trauma I remember, but she did attack me once while she was drunk a while back and I felt my life was threatened. It was the cause of me leaving home never to return. But now that I've told her what's going on in my life, she wants to meet and discuss. I dreaded doing this anyway, so maybe he's right about shutting my mouth on this one.\n\nWhat do you guys think?\n\n\n*edited for formatting", "answer": "FYI One symptom of PTSD in some people is poor boundaries and wanting to tell people too much, combined with subconsciously trying to reexperience the trauma.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "26x85m", "comment_id": "chvhvac"}, {"question": "Soy or no soy? What's your experience?", "description": "I am looking to hear people share their anecdotal/personal experience with eating soy in their diet or not. It's one of those foods that has mixed feedback in terms of is it good for PCOS/inflammatory conditions. \n \nPersonally, I am struggling to find the right balance in eating what makes me feel good. I have PCOS and endometriosis, and want to try to reduce inflammation through my diet. I had been a vegetarian for 8 years so soy became really common in my diet. Even though I am no longer a vegetarian, I probably only have 1 meat based meal a week, and then a variety of plant based proteins. I just don't love budgeting/buying/cooking/eating meat that much, but I think I feel better when eating lean meats + vegetables than I do when eating a soy heavy diet. Has anyone else experienced this? or the opposite? Or do you think it doesn't make a difference? Please share!", "answer": "I think this depends on your individual PCOS symptoms and experience. For me, someone with estrogen dominance symptoms, soy is a no go. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8j6j1n", "comment_id": "dyxhzdl"}, {"question": "Can I continue taking spironolactone while trying to get pregnant? 26F with PCOS and acne at full force.", "description": "For example, if I am taking spironolactone and find out I\u2019m pregnant, will it still cause birth defects if I stop taking it immediately after finding out? \n\nI am a 26 year old female and have PCOS. I am not a smoker. I am 5\u20192\u201d, 100lbs, pre-diabetic, and located in Dallas, TX. \n\nCurrently I am not on spironolactone but my acne has returned in full force, which is why I\u2019m considering retaking it. I\u2019m married and not on BC, which is the reasoning for possibly getting pregnant.\n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "I am not an ob/gyn. That said, the recommendation is to avoid spironolactone in pregnancy because of at least theoretical risk to the fetus, particularly a male fetus.\n\nI encourage you to speak to an obstetrician for more detailed information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjx1rj", "comment_id": "evh2xgh"}, {"question": "Can I get water intoxication from drinking beer?", "description": "One of my buddies and I run a YouTube channel and he came up with this idea of drinking 24 beers (8 L), as fast as possible. Obviously it is a horrible idea and would result in excessive projectile vometing, but is it safe?\n\nMy main concern is water intoxication. I have seen people hit pretty hard from it during practice and such, and as far as I know it can even be lethal. But in all those cases, the people getting it was pushing their bodies to the limit while drinking huge amounts of water. \n\nCan you only get water intoxication from drinking pure water without any form of additives, or do you get it from drinking to much liquid in any form? \n\nIf my physical form means anything for the outcome, I am 192cm / 6ft 3\", 80kg / 176 lbs and in pretty good shape. I do not take any kind of medication or drugs. ", "answer": "Your concern is water intoxication?\n\nHow about severe alcohol intoxication leading to profound medical harm?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "573i2j", "comment_id": "d8p7fr7"}, {"question": "Is there any truth to \"face your fears\" or is that just a trope?", "description": "Specifically, is recovery or remission possible if one consciously and deliberately exposes themselves to their triggers or confronts their avoidance behaviors? ", "answer": "There are a number of evidence based therapies for PTSD. Prolonged Exposure uses the face your fears method. It works pretty well except many can't or won't tolerate it. There is also Cognitive Processing Therapy which has two variations one with some exposure plus cognitive restructuring (learning new ways to think about your thinking) and the other with just the restructuring. Both work pretty well. I saw a journal article recently discussing how Interpersonal Therapy, which has no exposure component and mostly deals with relationships was just as effective a treatment as PE. So it seems that there are a few paths that are helpful at least and not all include facing fears directly but some do. Best to work with a qualified specialist therapist as none of these are standard therapies an average therapist can offer. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2zejry", "comment_id": "cpijkys"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common. Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "e1w6uj9"}, {"question": "Finding a specialist who is willing to work with BPD patients (a saga, with a happy ending!)", "description": "Basically, I\u2019m in the midst of a mental health crisis. My BPD and CPTSD symptoms are back in full force.\n\nIt is near impossible to find a mental health professional that it\u2019ll take a Borderline patient. I was warned about this by my recent psychiatrist, that a lot of therapists will not take a BPD client, that many licensed therapists will not want to work with someone who is stereotypically manipulative and require a lot of dedication.\u00a0\n\nNot only this, but its near impossible to find someone who will accept my insurance. That\u2019s a secondary issue, though. \n\nI called SEVEN mental health practices in the area, to find someone who will take someone with borderline as well as issues related to trauma. A few of them were \u201cChristian counseling centers\u201d which is a yikes, but I\u2019m desperate. \n\nI am happy to report... that I found a place that\u2019ll accept me! \n\nAnd the appointment is in just a few days! I\u2019ll start DBT again quite soon. Hopefully this time the coping skills will stick with me. I\u2019m super dedicated to working on them and getting my life back on track!\n", "answer": "If someone is willing to diagnose both CPTSD and BPD I highly doubt they really understand either. Unless the BPD was fully established before any of the trauma happened, there is way too much overlap for a differential diagnosis to be accurate and specific. \n\nI'm really happy for you that you found someone to work with and I hope they really understand CPTSD enough to help you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dwtr2", "comment_id": "e5l2r30"}, {"question": "Flo Living", "description": "Anyone manage their PCOS with Alisa Vitti\u2019s Flo Living? Want to look into the natural way of doing things. Was on Metformin - did nothing, but make me sick. Spirp definitely worked, but don\u2019t want to be on it if I\u2019m trying to get pregnant. ", "answer": "I do. It\u2019s the only thing that\u2019s ever worked for me. Only way I\u2019ve lost weight in 15 years with PCOS. \n\nWhat you\u2019re paying for is access to a private message board community with access to their coaches, a set of 6 or 7 courses that teach you ins and outs of your cycle, balancing blood sugar, how to figure out what foods actually work in and support your body, what to eat when so that you\u2019re supporting your body in doing it\u2019s \u201cjob\u201d in each phase of the menstrual cycle. It\u2019s not some fad diet where you\u2019re paying for meal plans. \n\nThere is a definite new agey vibe despite much of it being quite clearly based in science. Yes, there are optional detoxes, but even those and meant to do things like support your liver so it has an easier time clearing the excess estrogen in your body or your digestion. We aren\u2019t taking gimmicky detoxes that get advertised on instagram. It\u2019s all food based so no juices or crazy lemon cayenne mixtures. I actually love the detoxes and do them a few times per year. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8m1oho", "comment_id": "dzka4l1"}, {"question": "Does my grandmother have bipolar disorder?", "description": "Since childhood my mom, father and sisters had experienced a difficult and conflictive grandmother. A cardiologist (even though he\u2019s not a psychiatrist) told me she had a bipolar disorder, and today I\u2019m guessing it makes clear sense. All the pieces fit perfectly for her as a bipolar person.\n\nSymptoms:\n\nObsessive tendencies with a specific topic: religion.\nTreats everybody badly with certain aggressive tendency and lack of consciousness and awareness of the others feelings.\nImpulsive behavior.\nManipulative behavior \nEmotional intrusive and abusive.\nMakes people suffer badly, not mattering about their feelings or thoughts.\nHas anger, anxiety, depression, crying intense episodes.\nHas a ideology, that she was sent by God to save the world, having a false sense of superiority, not being even coherent to the religion she\u2019s on. Also, she says she views Jesus and talks to him, which nobody believes cause she isn\u2019t a saint nor how I said, coherent on what her religion says. \nThe most suspicious attitude imo, is that if since she is an adult, anything that isn\u2019t done as she wants, she starts her anger episodes trying to offend people by hurting their deepest feelings.\n\nI know this isn\u2019t the way to seek help or opinions, but I\u2019m 17, and I\u2019m being tired of her attitude. Being aware that she\u2019s sick will help to tolerate her and understand a lot of wounds in our family.", "answer": "There's not enough information there for an accurate diagnosis of any kind (plus this is the Internet obviously). If you are noticing these patterns of behavior, perhaps bringing it up with your family/her and seeing if she could reach out for some help/actual assessment for a diagnosis if it's impacting the family negatively?\n\nBipolar Disorder is often misdiagnosed, and has a WIDE range of representations due to the nature of it. I'm also not entirely sure I would personally call someone going through Bipolar Disorder as \"sick\" except in the most extreme circumstances (as in, acute suicidal ideation or intense psychosis).\n\nYou are looking for an explanation as a means of being able to explain her behavior towards the family. In my experience, it doesn't make the sting of what someone does or say any less hurtful knowing that they are diagnosed with something in the long run. Targeting the specific behaviors and words she uses and explaining how those things affect you may be helpful.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cf908k", "comment_id": "eu870ff"}, {"question": "Blocked from ADHD reddit just for having the opinion that it's not an 'illness'!!!!", "description": "I mean I already knew reddit had a lot of closeminded smug assholes who are always, always right 'because science'. I just wanted to discuss ideas about ADHD that do not paint it as some kind of incurable brain disorder...I have different, empowering ideas about the psychological and even spiritual aspects of the ADHD brain...but they really, really seem so deeply invested in believing they are sick and that it is a physical 'disability', whats with that? No one was trying to take away their stimulants, I was only trying to discuss ideas that fall outside the norm. There have GOT to be people that don't accept whats been handed to them, who define themselves and their abilities on their OWN terms rather than accept whats in the DSM as fucking scripture, jesus. ", "answer": "I would imagine the problem you're having is that many people with ADHD have experienced stigma from not having people take what they're dealing with seriously. It can be upsetting to those people to have what they might perceive as challenging how they made sense of what has been causing so much distress in their lives, especially in a forum that is a safe place for them.\n\nThere is a difference between people seeing the issues caused by what is commonly called \"ADHD\" and assuming that people don't want to take their life into their hands and accept the DSM as \"fucking scripture.\" \n\nHowever, saying that people are \"invested in believing that they are sick\" is not going to make them want to listen to you. Certainly it is empowering to look at other aspects of psychology and the human spirit, but that doesn't necessarily discount the years of research by numerous scientists of multiple disciplines either. Referring to them as close-minded smug assholes is probably not going to help either.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2klix7", "comment_id": "clmt8st"}, {"question": "Still convinced I have appendicitis. (Already went to the doctor's)", "description": "So 2 days ago I woke up and had a sharp pain on my side. Yep. I know. \nI thought it was one of those sharp pains you get sometimes when you breathe in, but goes away shortly after. It didn't. \nI decided to give myself until the next day (yesterday) to see if it went away after I woke up. Nope. Still there. \nSo I decided to go to the hospital just to make sure it wasn't appendicitis. \nThey took my urine, blood, and I got an ultra sound done. \nThey didn't find anything and the doctor said it was probably gas or a pulled muscle/nerve/etc. \nI was prescribed Pepcid and the discharge papers said my condition was an Unknown Abdominal something. \nWell I woke up today and the pain went from a 5 yesterday to an 8 today.(I haven't taken the medicine yet, I just picked it up earlier and it says I have to take it before bed) \nIts a sharp pain on my right side, but in the middle. Almost under my ribs but not RIGHT under my ribs. Its definitely not on my lower right side, and they did the rebound tenderness test. I didn't feel a thing. However, if I poke just the *right* spot on my side, kind of under my ribs, I feel pain. No more intense than it already is. \nI just checked again, a little lower, and I did feel some pain, but it was mainly pain around the middle area. And I also poked slightly above my hip bone more so to the right and there was some pain too. \nMy appetite hasn't changed much, I was able to poop this morning and pass gas, and I can walk fine although it still does hurt but its not too extreme that I can't move at all. \nIt hurts almost constantly. When I breathe, walk, sit, lay, change positions, etc. Laying down and not moving helps a little bit, but its still there and it still hurts. Especially with each breath. If I took a deep breath, it sends alot more pain shooting through my side. \nAlso, Im not sure, but it does feel sort of like Im beginning to get a fever, like I feel warm.. but warm as in under my skin. My actual skin feels normal but it feels like a fever coming on although I don't think I have one. \nI haven't vomited or had diarrhea, basically Ive had no symptoms of appendicitis other than this terrible sharp pain. \nNow Im starting to think I ripped a rib hair (I heard that is extremely painful) \nBUT, even though the doctors said Im basically fine, I still have some paranoia and I just want to double check. Misdiagnoses do happen sometimes, and Im hoping the doctors didn't mix up my ultra sound results with the other lady's that the guy was working on. Its just part of my OCD (I have excessive worrying and intrusive thoughts, not the \"need for shit to be organized\" type) \nSo, do you think it really is gas? Or is there other things you think it COULD be? \nAny type of help is appreciated. Thanks guys :) \nAge: 26 \nSex: Female \nHeight: 5'0 (5'1?) \nWeight: 150 \nRace: White \nDuration of complaint: 3 days \nLocation (Geographic and on body): Right side (Middle area; In between ribs and hip bone) \nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Mental illnesses (OCD and Anxiety) \nCurrent medications (if any): None (Except the newly prescribed Pepcid) \n\nEdit: Added basic info", "answer": "Considering how long its been now and your description of symptoms, my money is not on appendicitis. No doc here is going to conclusively say one way or another as we haven't examined you, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zk3qu", "comment_id": "d6wfuom"}, {"question": "Well that was a waste of time...", "description": "So, I've probably had depression and social anxiety for the past two years at least, but during the past few months it's gotten progressively worse and today I had a really bad day. I ended up exploding in front of my parents and basically pouring my guts out about how I didn't have the energy to do anything and how hopeless I felt. \n\nAfter awhile they eventually tried to call the doctor's office to get me an appointment to see him...after 10 or 15 minutes of waiting on hold they eventually referred us to another mental health establishment and they called them and they asked to speak to me directly (I didn't really feel like talking to them). They asked me a few questions like was I feeling suicidal and had I ever been to a psychiatric hospital, I told them no and they said \"well, we don't do outpatient counseling, good luck\" and hung-up.\n\nSo now I'm basically disgusted with the whole system and I'm not really sure what to do now. ", "answer": "Don't listen to douchebag casperrosewater. It's perfectly normal to need your parents to help you right now. However, they might not really understand the severity of the situation or want to face it right now. Try again to see if they'll find someone, if not, you call. It's tough and the mental health system is difficult, but you'll find treatment. Don't give up.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "e0usq", "comment_id": "c14eqmi"}, {"question": "What shall I do with a big marble ball ~9in diameter?", "description": "Hello!\n\nI work in a relatively luxury hotel with a small amount of employees. Owner of the place has recently being gifted with two large marble balls. A man of such wealth and status wouldn't receive cheap ass fake or something like that - and he's dedicated his whole life to see into such things - luxury/antique/etc.\n\nHe was pleased but didn't want to keep 'em because his taste is different, so he asked me to take them. I took 'em (and almost broke my back doing so, heavy as heck). They are fancy and really impressive units but now I'm kinda low on money and consider selling those balls.\n\nThey are relatively big - I coulnd't seem to find analogues in the internet shops.\n\nAre they any good? Should I sell them?\n\n[https://i.imgur.com/IlXkdfn.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IlXkdfn.jpg) \\- link to the image of the ball.", "answer": "Ditto to garden art. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "aharcp", "comment_id": "eedtoqo"}, {"question": ":( embarrassed", "description": "I posted something previously asking for advice for asking someone to homecoming and they reponded by saying \"I am going to hang out with my friends, but I can save a dance for you.\" I am now embarrassed and it is going to be akward now. I am hanging out with my friends who all have girlfriends and I am going to be myself. Execpt for \"one dance\" This is what i get for trying something I havent done before", "answer": "You\u2019re good, man. Braver than 90% of the people who didn\u2019t ask or only asked a sure thing. \n\nOnwards and upwards and get that dance. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71nyh5", "comment_id": "dnc5ifi"}, {"question": "Can medication make you gain weight, or stop losing weight (staying same weight despite undereating) for reasons other than increasing appetite?", "description": "Edited to add: I know I have an eating disorder and that this is dangerous. I\u2019ve lost a lot of weight quickly, but I\u2019m still overweight. I am seeking help from a whole team (psychiatrist, counsellor, my gp, and I have to see a dietician) of people, but it\u2019s early days. My post is basically about why I would have a stall in weight loss when still eating a lot less than I burn. How does that work? Why does it happen and what\u2019s the science? Isn\u2019t just calories in vs calories out? \n\nFemale/in my 20s/100kg/178cm/white \n\nMeds:\n- escitalopram 20mg for a few months\n\n- recently in last 2 weeks started Neaulactil (periciazine) 2.5mg twice a day after less than a week of mirtzapine (came off due to worry about weight gain. Psychiatrist said periciazine is not known for weight gain...but now I\u2019m not sure). \n\nAll newer meds happened within last 2 weeks since I started getting further help for anxiety and help for my recently diagnosed eating disorder. \n\nMedical; \n\nDiabetes type 2/hypertension now managed with lifestyle\n\nDepression/anxiety\n\nAtypical anorexia nervosa (lost over 100lbs since August through restriction. Recently started purging too - don\u2019t know if relevant). \n\nI\u2019m on new meds and my weight has stayed the same for 2.5 weeks, fluctuating the same kg. \n\nI\u2019ve had a few days of eating more than usual, but still never over my BMR and I\u2019ve only eaten over 1200 once, which is very unusual for me. My limit is 399 calories a day, but I\u2019ve probably averaged 700 a day last few weeks, which is a lot for me. But I have been exercising it off. \n\nWhy has my weight stopped coming off? It\u2019s happened before, but it felt different and it started losing again after like 1.5 weeks, and it didn\u2019t fluctuate this much. \n\nI\u2019ve never had water weight cause this. Logically it must mean I\u2019m eating at my BMR right? But I\u2019m not. I obsessively track everything I eat. The meds have caused an appetite increase I think, and I\u2019ve had days I\u2019ve eaten more than usual, but still under 1200 except for 1 day. And that\u2019s just a few days out of the last 2 weeks. And I exercise and track calories burned, with leeway as I know fitbits aren\u2019t super Accurate. \n\nI know of starvation mode and all that Jazz...could that be what\u2019s finally happening? \n\nI\u2019m freaking out, if it\u2019s not obvious. I do see a psychiatrist (just started seeing them after doctor was concerned) and already see a psychologist who knows all my eating stuff, and I\u2019ll talk to them this week. But now I\u2019m not losing weight I\u2019m paranoid everyone will think I\u2019m faking the eating disorder and eating more than I\u2019ve said. I didn\u2019t even want the help that much, my doctor wanted me too. But now they\u2019ll think I\u2019m a liar. \n\nanyway, Any potential reasons for this? Obviously it\u2019s coincided with the new meds, so im guessing they\u2019re the culprit. But why? And how? \n\nI\u2019ve considered water weight and starvation mode, in just not convinced of either. But advice appreciated.", "answer": "Obviously discussing this with your caregivers is the best advice I can give.It seems to me your anxiety is the real enemy here, not your weight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7yyuo", "comment_id": "fihhvi1"}, {"question": "Gabapentin long term use", "description": "23 years old \nMale\nWhite\nUnited States\nSocial and Generalized Anxiety Disorder\n2 years \nCurrent meds: Gabapentin \nIn my brain \n\nIs Gabapentin good for long term use? My psych said it\u2019s a safe alternative so benzos and SSRI\u2019s. I read that is prevents the formation of new brain synapses. Is this true?", "answer": "There is a [paper from a decade](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19818485) ago that suggests it and a lot of hysterical press about that paper. It blocks synapse formation in response to a particular cellular signal. Any medication that has an effect on mental processes has to have an effect on the brain; it does not follow, and is not insinuated in the initial paper, that this prevention of synapse formation is a negative per se. The anecdotal but substantial evidence from widespread use of gabapentin is that it seems safe and doesn't prevent learning or cause other problems.\n\nOn the other hand, while benzos have definite short- and long-term risks, SSRIs are known to be safe and effective and have more evidence backing their use in anxiety disorder. Some of that is a discussion of risks, benefits, and side effects.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "at2qz7", "comment_id": "egyvzuq"}, {"question": "How do I know if someone is telling the truth?", "description": "I have a very hard time trusting people and what they say. I think compared to the average person I am much more distrusting of others. How do you know if people really mean what they say? How do you know if they\u2019re not just lying?", "answer": "There is no way of absolutely knowing if someone is lying to you in the moment. You can only know after the fact if you find out concrete evidence to prove that what they said was untrue. Even then, you don't necessarily know if they were just wrong or purposely knew they were telling you something that was false. \n\n\nThis is where trust comes in. Nobody is 100% honest all the time. Generally, if someone says something and it turns out to be true, you grow to trust them more. If they say something and it turns out to be a lie, you trust them less. \n\n\nIt's safe to assume that not everyone is going to tell the truth all the time, but also that not everyone is going to lie to you all the time. You get to decide how trusting or skeptical you want to be of people from the get go. After that, you get to decide whether to trust them more or be more skeptical of them based on how often you catch them in a lie and the significance of those lies to you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "dq7f0c", "comment_id": "f610vnq"}, {"question": "Looking for a book to help understand", "description": "I recently had a serious relationship end, I believe due in large part to my partner\u2019s depression. I have been lucky to live a life that has been fairly free of mental health struggles, and don\u2019t feel like I have a good grasp on the way that depression effects a person, and their relationships. Our relationship ended suddenly, and without explanation, and has left me something of a wreck. \n\nI am hoping to find a text on depression that will shed some light on its effects, and help me understand what she was going through. Does anyone have any suggestions?", "answer": "Not a novel [but this is a good start](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx). Also has a short video.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "51mcgv", "comment_id": "d7d23i1"}, {"question": "[19/f] My boyfriend's (19/m) anxiety is killing our relationship", "description": "We have been together for nearly 2 years, living together for one. We moved in together to move from a small country town to the city so I could study at uni. Hes had axiety and depression prior to our relationship and ive tried to be as supportive and positive as possible. However finacial stress and arguements over chores, mess, etc have made it worse, and he's finally reached a breaking point and seeked medical help. But for the past few months I've been getting snappier and more stressed out, which isn't helping and is making me more and more unhappy. Im due to go back to uni in March, and my grades are already lower than id like due to the relationship and i can't afford for them to get worse. Should I leave him outright, ask for some space and move out or wait it out? Hes starting a new job in March, it just feels so cruel to leave in such turbulent times.", "answer": "he needs a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rfyz9", "comment_id": "dd6zmbt"}, {"question": "Am I [26/F] looking for problems in my relationship with [30/M]? Part of me thinks I'm fundamentally unhappy in this relationship.", "description": "My boyfriend and I have known each other for 10+ years. There was always chemistry, even if we lived miles apart, so we finally decided to take the plunge and do long distance. After 1.5 years of long distance, my boyfriend moved to my city. I don't have any family here and I am also relatively new here (only 2.5 years or so). \n\nWe've been living together since Fall 2016 and part of me feels like this is a huge mistake, like we couldn't be more different. I feel very stuck because he's given up so much to be with me (spent most of his savings, taken a way lower paying job (which he's very happy at), moved away from all his family and friends) and a few months ago we got a dog. But, there are things I just didn't realize about him when we were doing long distance. \n\nHe plays a lot of video games and games on his phone. He plays it when he gets home from work, when he wakes up in the morning, he listens to videos on twitch while he showers and while we're eating breakfast. I've talked to him about it and suggested we put on the news in the morning, and it only ever happens if I turn the tv on. If I don't do that, then it's twitch. And sometimes, I don't even want to have the news on, I just want us to talk. It makes me feel so alone in this relationship. \n\nHe also is so incredibly cynical and judgemental. I have an instagram for my dog, which he has mentioned multiple times he thinks is lame and doesn't care at all about. We were talking about dogs in our neighborhood and then I started telling him about this dog that follows ours (same breed but it got it's tail docked when it was first born). When we were deciding to get a dog, we ensured that the one we got kept it's tail because we thought it was cruel to dock it if it wasn't going to be a working dog. The other dogs instagram is based on how his butt wiggles because because his tail was docked as a puppy. When I was telling him about it, I said it in a very light-hearted joking way. And he was like \"Well isn't it sad how people are monetizing this on social media after this dog having been abused by cutting it's tail off\". And basically talked about how the owners are so irresponsible about not researching having/not having tail etc. He compared it to cutting the nose off of a baby... I wasn't justifying cutting the tail, but I was just sharing something because it came up in conversation. It just turned this perfectly happy and light hearted conversation to something so miserable. It feels so heavy to be around this all the time. \n\nI also love home decoration. I do most things on my own, but sometimes I just like advice or want to know if he's ok with something. We have a set of pictures that I wasn't sure I wanted to put in the living room or the bedroom and asked his opinion. He was like I just don't care, do whatever you want. And I just this feels small, but everytime I ask him his opinion, it feels like that's what he says. But then if I do something and he doesn't like, he'll make a snide comment. I get not being interested in my hobby, but he loves sports and sometimes he wants to watch a game and has no one and will ask me to go to a bar and watch it and I do. I'm happy to give him company and do something for him every once in a while. \n\nThese are just three things that happened in the last few days. He regularly snaps at me and can be rude. I'm not perfect, I have my fair share of problems which I'm sure bother him, but I've noticed that I am more pessimistic and sad in general since he's moved here. It's making me miserable. It feels like I'm looking for problems, for a way out, but equally, I feel like I need to give this a real shot because he's moved here and given everything up for us. \n\nI just feel so lost and confused about what to do. I love him so much, I've introduced him to my family (which is a big deal in my culture), I really thought we were going to have a life together, but I feel the longer I'm with him, I'm less sure. \n", "answer": "Do you get any time with him that you do enjoy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar4vl", "comment_id": "dhgqdxv"}, {"question": "Help with parents", "description": "So I'm 17 and my parents are sending me to IDTech camp which is a camp for computer science and tech stuff. The problem is I don't want to go. They want to send me because I'll be going away to college next year and they want to get me out of my comfort zone. I do have some anxiety, I get homesick, but it has calmed down. .I told them I won't be home alot anyways because I'll be working. I don't know what to do. The camp is at a college in Lake Forest, Illinois. Which is like 5 hours away. Help!!!", "answer": "just hold your ground and tell them you don't wish to go", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5zdbl8", "comment_id": "dex6q5a"}, {"question": "What are some possible consequences if I tell my therapist the truth about how I feel?", "description": "I currently see a therapist, but I don't feel like things are progressing. I think part of it is because I'm not being completely honest with her, and I'm scared to be. I've been seeing her for about a year now for my depression.\n\nWhenever my therapist asks if I have thoughts of self harm, I always tell her no. The truth is, I think of hurting myself often. I've thought about taking my life many times and have researched the ways to do it, but have never actually put together a plan. The one thing that always stops me from following through is my daughter. She is 6 years old. She is my light and my only source of happiness in this life. She is so awesome and amazing, and I could not bear to orphan her. Her father isn't in the picture. I have no idea who her grandparents are on that side. My own father is no longer alive, and my mother would not be a good fit to take care of my daughter.\n\nThe truth is, if I didn't have my daughter, I would likely not be here right now. The decision to leave this world would be so easy for me. But because of her, I stay and I work hard to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly. I work hard to make sure she has a happy childhood. I don't want to leave her alone to fend for herself. I was raised in the foster care system and I would never want that for my daughter. So I hang on to this life, no matter how miserable I am.\n\nI guess my question is... Can I be honest with my therapist when she asks if I have suicidal thoughts or think of self harm? I keep telling her no, and I think because of that, she hasn't been able to help me effectively. But I'm so scared to admit it to her, because I'm afraid of what could happen. I don't want her having me committed. I don't want to be separated from my child. I want to be honest about how I feel with my therapist, but I'm scared because I don't want to be taken away and leave my daughter alone.\n\nHow do therapists handle patients who admit to thoughts of self harm and suicide?", "answer": "I am never comfortable giving specifics about what a therapist will consider \"imminent risk\" because I am not your therapist and I do not have all the information about your case. This is not psychological advice. \n\nI will say that if we hospitalized everyone with thoughts of self harm or suicide, we would be hospitalizing a looooooot of people. A competent therapist should be comfortable talking about both of these topics (and probably does all the time). \n\nIn the clinics I have worked in, \"imminent risk\" would look something like, \"I have a specific plan. I intend to leave this office and kill myself. I refuse to safety plan with you about this.\" \n\nI will also note that it is completely fine to ask your therapist about this issue in the abstract. \"When we started together, you said that one of the reasons you would break confidentiality would be if I was an imminent risk to myself or others. What, specifically, would an 'imminent risk' look like? What are the types of things that might lead you to break confidentiality? If you felt that you needed to, what would you do?\" You having this information is a part of your informed consent to treatment; they should be able to talk about these issues.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "haw64f", "comment_id": "fv63p75"}, {"question": "I need a break from it all but I can't get away!", "description": "Let me start this off by saying that I suffer from extreme anxiety attacks when I get overwhelmed. I am capable on taking a lot on so it's not like I have a freak out if something small happens. \n\nLately there has just been too much going on in my life and it's starting to get to me. I have training that I'm not being paid for because of an incident in my past that relates to depression, and they don't want that kind of person in their staff, I have an ex boyfriend that doesn't realise I need some space from his and his depression every so often because he makes me feel like I'm a useless piece of shit that can't meet his standards, my family is on my back because I'm not able to get a paying job, and by god have I been trying. I am getting more and more depressed because the people around me can't seem to see that I can't deal with EVERYONE'S issues at once. I'm not a trained psychologist yet I have to listen to how everyone else's life is so shit.\n\nIt's actually become easier not being in a relationship and needing to deal with a controlling and depressive boyfriend every second of the day. He would wake up and immediately go on about how I am going to cheat on him (irony is he is the one that went after two other girls, while I'm the dumbass and stays single), and this goes on until 3 AM. My parents go on about college which I'm trying my best at but it's not good enough and I get frustrated and stressed which doesn't help anything.\n\nI am on anti-depressants and taking anti-anxiety pills to help me cope but short of overdosing to calm myself down multiple times in a day I don't know what else to do. I have spoken to my family and they are more understanding now than they were before, but I had to leave my boyfriend because he is constantly pressuring me to do things I do not want to do and when I try to make myself heard it's a case of \"Stop. Listen to me.\" \n\nI basically feel unheard, I can't get some alone time to just chill the fuck out and relax, I constantly have to be in a good mood otherwise it's an issue. And if I vent then that's a problem because I'm being childish and immature. I honestly don't know if I should just shut my emotions off and do what is expected of me. I have no means of taking a vacation since I don't have a paying job, and if I do it will be with my family, which defeats the purpose of getting some breathing space. Any suggestions to find a way to distress would be helpful.", "answer": "do you have a therapist or just getting meds from the doc?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68lz27", "comment_id": "dgzfxl7"}, {"question": "Does anyone else get the urge to go walk around late at night/into early morning when you know it\u2019s dangerous, Especially when sad or anxious?", "description": "Whenever I get really sad or anxious I always get the extreme urge to go walk. Never fails that it\u2019s 11 pm-3am ish. And I get the urge because I know something bad could happen. Anyone else do this? And anyone have tips for fighting that urge? ", "answer": "\"I know it's dangerous...\" \"I do it when I'm sad.\"\n\nPlease see a mental health specialist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9q13ub", "comment_id": "e86b21g"}, {"question": "I'm progressively becoming more and more unsure of my relationship.", "description": "I've been with my (20F) boyfriend (20M) for a little over a year. I love him so much, but not only in the past few months has my life in general hit a rough patch, so has my relationship. When we first got together I felt like I could look outside of my own body and see something beautiful, and warm. Now I feel like I see something that is becoming more and more corrupt. It feels especially like we've switched roles since we first started out together. He was going through a hard time (depression), and I had just gotten in a better place from suffering. It felt like he couldn't get enough of me, and I know I couldn't of him either. I was there for him, we were so happy. We NEVER fought, it was perfect. It felt like from day one we truly knew each other. It wasn't hard to become such a big part of each other's lives. Anyways, he was going through a hard time. Was all over me. Blah blah. I'm the kind of person who loves being close, physically and emotionally. And I'm especially the kind of person who nurtures people I love. If anyone I know had ever had a personal dilemma, they've always told me. I love helping people, and making them feel better. So I did that for him, or at least I tried my hardest. But now, within the past few months I feel like it's switched, I don't feel as good anymore, and it's my own fault for not ever telling him that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what's happening. A couple of months ago, our fighting had reached a considerable peak, and he told me he doesn't feel happy with me. But part of me thinks he just said that for intensity. He said he feels like I'm always telling him what to do, but really every single thing that I ask he just flat out says no to. Then if I argue about it (which I admit, I'm quite stubborn), and get my way, then I feel like an ass. I can't win no matter what I do, or what happens. A few days ago, I broke down and told him how I feel. Really all of this that I've just said. He was amazing, he listened and for the first time in months I honestly felt like he truly wanted to be with me. Fast forward to last night, he fell asleep, and refused to get out of the bed so that I could wipe the crumbs out from the food I'd just had. He's extremely difficult when he's tired. Anyways, this is the kind of thing we fight about. Stupid things. My argument was pretty clean cut in my opinion; please get up for 20 seconds so that I can clear the bed so that I too can go to sleep. It's things like this, all of the time. Which is why I don't really see it as true that I'm so \"bossy\". I just feel like a bother to him most of the time. He can never give me a break on something. He doesn't see that I'm hurting and and help me the way that I tried to help him, but he isn't really good at that kind of thing so I can't completely blaim him. He says he'll try to be more flexible if I ask for things but thus far (as in 2 instances in 2 days) has not been true. I do love him, and he's my best friend. But lately it seems like he doesn't mind being apart from me, in fact he even wants it. I've been so afraid to think about the reality of the situation. It just feels like the more I think about it, it's him and not me. I feel like I need someone who's more like me, but I'm afraid to have another relationship just to find that all relationships eventually change in a somewhat negative way. If nobody responds to this, that's fine. I mainly just wanted to get this out of my head for a minute. ", "answer": "go to couples counseling. it works well for this type of issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8dgh", "comment_id": "dchehoi"}, {"question": "How to talk to my doctor about depression/ suicidal ideations", "description": "20m usa. I've been feeling depressed for a long while now. Hopefully I can get an appointment today to see my doctor. \n\nI've been having suicidal ideations, basically just thinking about my death, thinking it might be the best option for me. ( I know its not, I haven't tried anything, haven't ever hurt myself or ever plan to).\n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor???? These thoughts just keep popping in my head and its terrifying. I don't want to to seek help just to be locked away in a psyc ward.", "answer": "You can talk to your doctor, but I'm not going to mislead. There are doctors who are comfortable with suicidal thinking, and there are doctors who are not. The latter might be quick to try to dump you on psychiatry. Most psychiatrists in most places wouldn't hospitalize you for being depressed for a long time\u2014because it's often not appropriate treatment\u2014but you might waste time in an ER before a psychiatrist sends you home.\n\nIt would go better if you're clear from the outset that there's nothing you're about to do, just that you're feeling depressed.\n\nA psychiatrist would be the right kind of doctor to treat this and probably more comfortable with chronic suicidal thinking, but getting in to see a psychiatrist can be a very long wait.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hon69k", "comment_id": "fxj7vom"}, {"question": "Reddit, I'm feeling exceptionally forever alone tonight.", "description": "Help?", "answer": "I just searched reddit for \"forever alone\" because that's how I feel. Maybe sharing my story will help...?\n\nI've been feeling really alone at college lately and have gone out just once this entire semester. I forced myself to contact someone tonight and he told me to meet him and his friends at a frat house at 11. I showered, put on makeup, got all dressed up, and headed over there. I texted my friend and got no response. I went inside, asked around, couldn't find him. There was barely anyone there and the few who were were all freshmen. I left, still hoping to get a response. I drove to the bar where a lot of people hang out, but it looked pretty deserted so I didn't go in. There's 24 hour grocery store around the corner, so I went in and picked up milk and candy for trick-or-treaters... *Forever alone.*\n\nBut guess what? Tonight, we're alone together.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dyxiw", "comment_id": "c13yzw6"}, {"question": "Help with minor attachment/abandonment issues", "description": "I'll note, this is a very minor issue that needn't be taken too seriously: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a month now (I'm 19, he's 20), and so far have shared a very supportive and healthy relationship we are both very happy with. However, I'm having a mild problem, which I'm a little embarrassed about- we both work long hours, so obviously we don't have time to be talking a lot; we still get in a good 2-3 text exchanges a day, including morning and before bed. Due to this, I text whenever I have time, and just wait out until he's ready to respond, which sometimes takes all day, and I tend to get depressed during the time I spend waiting. I never get mad or anything, and I feel pretty stupid for feeling the way I do, but I'm having trouble shaking it. I feel like it's something I just need to get over, but if anyone has any sort of advice for coping with that, I'd greatly appreciate it", "answer": "that could be a self-esteem and/or depression issue that you might want to talk to a therapist about.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75qfwa", "comment_id": "do84u88"}, {"question": "Should I consider therapy?", "description": "Hey,\n\nDon't quite know where to put this, and I'm aware this probably sounds like I'm either humble-bragging or being disingenuous, but I don't want my family to find out, and the big R was the first choice for asking about this, of sorts:\n\nSo, today, I had the luck of being one of the first responders in an emergency situation, and, together with others, I was able to save a life. This was a specifically cathartic moment for me, it seems, because five years ago, I was involved in a similar situation where first aid was unsuccessful, and where a person close to me died.\n\nSo, since the event, around 24 hours ago, I find that some of my everyday booboos are gone: Usually, my hands hurt after a day of work; today, they do less. I've had some tummy ache for probably a month; it's gone now. My bad knee is now my good knee; something like that.\n\nWhich leads me to the initial question: Should I consider therapy? - Either I'm just getting off an adrenaline rush for the ages, or it seems there's really still \"some stuff in my basement that I need to move out\". Where do I go from here?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks!", "answer": "Give it a day or two. If you still feel like you need it, go. I don\u2019t think you are in a place right now to have perspective or to know whether these incidents have impacted you beyond the normal euphoria after such an experience.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bqnrq6", "comment_id": "eo6ho8w"}, {"question": "How many years does anxiety disorder(s) shave off your life?", "description": "Hi, majority of the time my heart rate goes up dramatically whenever I go out.Let's say that my heart rate fluctates between 80-100 when I'm at outdoors.How many years that would cost me?Because I am sick of measuring my heart rate every ten minute to check if its normal or not.If it's taking 20 years or something I'm okay with that.Please give me honest answers.", "answer": "There's no one answer for this one. Chronic anxiety and stress on it's own can take years off your life, but most of it has to do with the habits you form around your anxiety. \n\n\nAre you smoking cigarettes, drinking, or using other drugs to cope? Are you either foregoing meals or binge eating to cope? Are you isolating too much? Is your anxiety impacting your ability to exercise regularly? \n\n\nThese are just a few example of ways anxiety can impact your health. The consequences of these behavioral problems that can result from anxiety will do much more to take years off of your life than the feeling of anxiety itself.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "cjw8sb", "comment_id": "evh2bhq"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Just worry about yourself. That's a good first step. The only way you'll ever get over your anxiety is to put yourself in situations that trigger it. You didn't die. Now your brain will slowly but surely undue the connections in place that cause you to panic in these social situations, so long as you don't continue to catastrophize it. \n\nDon't worry about your boyfriend or anyone elses reaction to it, but also don't expect them to go out of their way to help you. This is YOUR fight. Sometimes you'll make great progress, sometimes there'll be times that feel like a step backwards. So long as you keep trying to face your fears and don't give up and hide yourself away in order to avoid your triggers, you win. Best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6vsw0d", "comment_id": "dm2x4iw"}, {"question": "I accidentally scared him off. How long is appropriate before I try to make amends?", "description": "I was seeing this guy for about 4 months who lived in another province. I knew he was crazy about me before. He had just broken up with his ex of 2 years and was still dealing with some drama from that, and so I feel like I accidentally put too much pressure on things and overwhelmed him. I only ever tried to be really positive and supportive of him. But he got freaked out and ended things with me, and I hung up on him because I was too sad and upset to hear him try to explain his way through it. I felt bad and the next day I tried to contact him again to see if we could continue to talk about it and wanted to still be cool.. but I just got hit with the stonewall.. totally ignored and looked like a desperate chud. I decided not to bother contacting him again for a long time until things have settled down. My question is.... and guys help me out here because the anxiety is real.... how long is a good amount of time before I try to contact him again? I'm not trying to get back together with him necessarily, I just want to make amends so that things don't have to be tense and awkward anymore. I can't stand having this kind of tension in my life and I just want to like, shake hands and walk away peacefully. At the very least. It's been almost a month so far since we spoke last.", "answer": "a week or two", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f20q1", "comment_id": "dieuh2q"}, {"question": "11.1 wbc.", "description": "30/female 5'5 165 Caucasian. Meds: 1000mg Keppra, 100mg zoloft, junel fe birth control \nBlood work taken on Tuesday\n\nI had routine blood work done on tuesday and received the results today over the phone. Everything was normal, but my WBC was 11.1 and she said they'd test again in 6-9 months. I'm freaking out. \n\nMy blood work from a couple years ago was normal, but I've started a few meds since then (keppra for epilepsy, zoloft and birth control). Could any of those cause elevated wbc? A few days before I had the bloodwork done I had a weird seasonal allergy thing going on, very leaky eyes and nose, constantly sneezing. That lasted for a day or two and I typically don't suffer from allergies. Could that cause high wbc? \n\nDoes 11.1 indicate possible cancer? How common is it to have high wbc? I'm worried about waiting 6-9 months for more bloodwork, should I request it be done sooner? I'm very worried. ", "answer": "Normal WBC is, depending on the lab, something like 4-11. 11.1 is the minimum over normal. In most cases, it's also normal, off by a negligible amount. All automatic flags (high or low) by labs are set such that they over-detect rather than under-detect, so the lab flags that even though in almost all cases it's of no significance.\n\nIf your white count went from 4.5 to 11.1 over one month I might be more concerned, but even then I would suspect instead an infection, maybe even one so minor you didn't feel it. But in your case, you do feel something. High white count doesn't cause sneezing, but sneezing, if it's due to upper respiratory infection, can and should cause an elevated white count. That's your body normally mounting an immune response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fqgr", "comment_id": "ejd63z4"}, {"question": "My brother consistently looks at me like he hates me.", "description": " What can I do....in regards to this relationship. \n\n# My brother consistently looks at me like he hates me. \n\nWe both live at home, I am generally the nicer one. He is very anti social, no friends, and has seemed unhappy depressed and angry most of his life.\n\nI can relate to the antisocial no real relationships bit, but i guess I act more cordial than he does. I can hold my own and be extroverted if i need to be.\n\nBut like just a few minutes ago i pass him in this house, he is two years older btw, and I mention something to him....just an antidote about my workday last week and meeting a radio dj we both used to listen to.\n\nI first asked him a question about how his school was going, then after started to tell him the story. He looks at me like i am scum of the universe. Like he freaking hates me. But then sort of begrudgingly sort of gives me , \"oh cool\"....\"ha\". And then proceeds to not talk further. He talks very monotone and just has this shit look on his face if you try and engage him in anyway.\n\nSome background...he was my bully growing up. Abusive type older brother, he was always picking fights, and often just totally abusive and cruel. We eventually grew up but he still seems to be an asshole. And he is that way toward everyone it seems.\n\nI dont talk to him or engage nearly as much as I would normally to someone i live with. Because he is this way....i often will not talk and just walk by. But it gets really trying and annoying.\n\nHe has once or twice brought of his personality and said 'he knows he is antisocial at times, but its not personal.' Maybe not....or maybe he just acts this way toward everyone so its indeed not specific or personal to one person but all people! I kind of dont buy the not personal.....like he is saying, its just neutral.\n\nAnyway....anyone ever known or lived with this.. Any advice.", "answer": "My best guess (and it is just a guess, as I don\u2019t know your brother and haven\u2019t assessed him) is that he may dealing with some issues and/or mental health symptoms that you aren\u2019t aware of. While some degree of social withdrawal/general assholery is to be expected in teenagers, it does seem like his behavior is on the more extreme end of that spectrum. Teenage boys in particular often outwardly express any kind of distress as anger, as our society doesn\u2019t teach boys that it\u2019s ok to feel sad or scared or some other type of \u201cweak\u201d emotion. We could make a million guesses at what\u2019s happening in his life that has led to his angry and antisocial behavior, but frankly it isn\u2019t your job to figure it out. You aren\u2019t responsible for his emotional well-being - that is for him and your parents to manage. And I get that it isn\u2019t something you can realistically ignore or avoid all the time, since you live in the same house. Have you ever talked to your parents about how he treats you, and how it makes you feel/the impact it is having on you? They need to hear that, and maybe need to hear it again if you\u2019ve brought it up in the past. You might also think about asking them to get you in with a therapist for yourself. It can be really good to have someone to talk to who isn\u2019t involved in the situation, and who\u2019s focus is entirely on providing you with support. It couldn\u2019t hurt to try! \n\nI hope things get easier for you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4f9ps", "comment_id": "es72ci1"}, {"question": "I am your wife, not a child.", "description": "You don't have to treat me like I'm a fucking kid, or like I'm stupid. You don't have to set my purse and keys in the middle of the living room and say \"You have five minutes to put these away or ____ (insert threat)\". You don't have to stand over me while I pay bills to make sure that I \"actually pay them\". You don't have to threaten me when I say that I don't want to do something.\n\nSeriously, you would not survive one single day without me, so learn to have some respect for your spouse or you'll learn how hard life is when you don't have someone around to do everything for you. \n\n\n**Update**: First of all, thank you everyone for the responses, support and advice. It really is helping me. I'm reading every comment and slowly chipping away at replying to them. All day I've just been checking on my phone, so it's been hard to write until now. \n\nAnyways, I just got home a bit ago and it's been an eventful-ish night. My husband and I went to dinner at my parents house. We're on our way home about to turn left onto our street and my husband (who wasn't paying attention I'm guessing) starts to turn into an oncoming car, almost t-boning him. He stops and the other car stops, then they both start going at the same time and my husband swerves into the oncoming lane, coming SO close to hitting this other guy. I gasped as an uncontrolled reaction, and he yelled \"shut the fuck up\" to me. \n\n\nAfter we got home, he slammed his door as he got out. I couldn't deal with him, so I just sat in the car. I didn't go anywhere because it was late, so the only place I could go really was just driving around. After about 5 minutes of just sitting, he came out and said \"OKAAAAY, what's wrong?\". I told him that I'm over the way he treats me and he asks if I want a divorce. I say \"No, I want you to not treat me like shit\". He responds with \"well, I don't know what to tell you then. That's just how I am\".\n\n\nSo, now we're both home. He's sleeping now. Today was actually really good up until that point. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard while we were at my parents house, I was reminded of why I'm still hanging on here. Then that happened and pretty much ruined it. \n\n\nI said somewhere in my replies that I randomly clicked a day on my calendar and set \"think about it\" as a reminder with the intentions of leaving that day if things weren't better. I definitely am going to stick to that. And I've looked up therapists in my area to talk to in the mean time. \n\n\nSo, we will see I guess. I'm going to bed now though. Tomorrow night I'm going to try and reply to everyone that I haven't gotten to yet. Have a good night, Reddit. ", "answer": "You know what, fuck it. You should TOTALLY take the juvenile route. Make up some idiotic rule (like always backing in) and enforce the fuck out of it. Take his shit if he doesn't comply. Throw a hissy. Show him what it's like and be like \"I'm just trying to bring us closer by acting like you act.\"", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2aallt", "comment_id": "cit99z1"}, {"question": "Why serotonin?", "description": "This might be better question for an ask a psychiatrist subreddit but I saw there isn't one today but I thought it would be good to get the opinion of therapists on this\n\nI know when clients go through therapy, therapy can be accompanied by SSRIs/sertonin re-uptake inhibitors as medication.\n\nTherapy is important for working through a client's thoughts and belief systems but what does serotonin have anything to do with improving the mental well-being of a client?\n\nI understand influencing GABA(inhibitor neurotransmitter) levels for treating anxiety but why serotonin?\n\nI think influencing dopamine levels(via herbs, supplementation, non-addictive reuptake inhibitors) makes more sense. Dopamine generally makes you feel better(pleasure)", "answer": "I agree with the other well thought out responses. \n\nYou are right that SSRIs only help about 30% of people . Still, they are the starting point for several reasons. \n\nI am not going to repeat what has been said, but you asked about studies. \n\n\nhttps://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4613-0381-7_5\n\n.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728667/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5864293/\n\nhttps://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269881117725915", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fiw0o7", "comment_id": "fkjtb7q"}, {"question": "Medication-induced seizure changed my life", "description": "Hello,\n\nI'm a 24 year old male who suffers from severe depression and anxiety (and Crohn's Disease, though that is less relevant to my question). 4 years ago I was on the antidepressant Wellbutrin, which made me feel somewhat like an emotionless zombie but stopped my severe depressive episodes. While on the drug, I experienced a Grand Mal seizure. I went immediately off the medication and have not had one since. The medication is known to lower the seizure threshold, so while the incident was surprising it at least made sense. What doesn't is that I continued to feel the drug's change in personality, a big lack of emotional feeling, long after the seizure and long after I was off the drug, and it remains how I feel today. I had an EEG right after the seizure which showed some \"typical\" abnormalities, but a later EEG and an MRI both came up normal. I've been on various antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds in the years since to little avail. Is there any legitimate explanation as to why having been on the medication and having had the seizure might affect me in this way and result in some sort of permanent neurological change? I understand that the mechanisms behind Wellbutrin and in some cases even seizures aren't perfectly understood, and I have of course talked to psychiatrists, therapists, and neurologists about this, but I would appreciate any input I could get.", "answer": "It's fairly unlikely that you suffered permanent damage from one seizure (I assume it didn't last too long).\n\nWhat's your antidepressant history? Maybe there's an alternative to consider.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4yfq8e", "comment_id": "d6nsh7b"}, {"question": "I got BLACKOUT sober on Saturday night and woke up with a loft bed!", "description": "That\u2019s right. Was TURNTTT up on sobriety yesterday and spent 13 hours building a platform loft bed with 4 feet of storage underneath. Best hangover of my life!!\n\nHonestly, sobriety is awesome. I have way less anxiety, and I\u2019m learning to enjoy life again.\n\n[Photos of the loft bed!](https://imgur.com/a/KUJBSI4) ", "answer": "Pictures or we can't trust you were really that lit and wasted on motivation and follow through. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "au914b", "comment_id": "eh7nvux"}, {"question": "Type II", "description": "While I'm in agreement with the scope of posting here, I do find value in the observation of conditions relating to Type II personalities, the NPR, BPD, HPD, APD groups and the comorbidity occurrences. Having experienced trauma at the hands of some of these indiviuals, I ask, is some value found by any of you in the findings of psychology, versus it's practiction? Thoughts?", "answer": "Personality is a dubious concept. No one has fixed behavior in all contexts at all times. Behavior is complementary. The victimizer needs a victim and the victim roll isnt the least powerful position.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7gtp7i", "comment_id": "dqn4md8"}, {"question": "Am I being too dramatic for wanting to have my blood test done annually?", "description": "Age: 24. Sex: Female. Ethnicity: White. Height: 178cm. Weight 57kg. No medications, Non-smoker.\n\nMaybe it\u2019s a cultural thing. But I currently live in Germany and I just went to a dr. to ask for a blood test. She looked at me like I was out of my mind and got super confused. She didn\u2019t see why I would want it done if I don\u2019t feel ill or something isn\u2019t bothering me. My statement that my diet has changed drastically over the year didn\u2019t make any impact on her either.\n\nI felt so embarrassed that I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll go back to that clinic ever again. \n\nBut maybe she\u2019s right and it\u2019s unnecessary to get tested unless you feel unwell? At least that\u2019s what I did back in the states and it was considered quite normal", "answer": "Tests should be done for a reason. Unnecessary tests are more likely to provide false positive or false negative results - and either undue anxiety or complacency for the patient (and doctor).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhcw31", "comment_id": "fkacjtg"}, {"question": "Confused", "description": "I'm friends with this girl, we've been friends for years and there's been sexual tension and feelings building up for a long time... she's just come out of a long relationship and admitted she had feelings for me as I did towards her, we were seeing each other for a month, things were going great and just recently she's backflipped and said she doesn't know what she wants (she's got a lot of stuff going on her life, I believe she misses her dog the most and she's going through other stuff in her life aswell)... she's asked for some time and space which I've given her but I get the feeling everything has changed, we get along in every aspect, I truly believe she's my soulmate it's just bad timing on how everything had happened (she's also said the same).... how long should I be waiting?? She is definitely someone I see myself spending my life with!!!! Please help lol", "answer": "I would keep your eyes open for new people, but stay in touch with this girl. You don't want to close the door to others waiting for someone who may never be available.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vmaoa", "comment_id": "dm1bwdz"}, {"question": "The song of my people", "description": "Air Traffic Controller - Hurry Hurry is basically the ADHD anthem. It's even bouncy and fast enough for my brain! (favourite running song)\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmHmcpvD8Xo\n\n\n*And on my way to seize the day, I start to think \nDid I leave something on the counter by the sink\ncheck my pockets, nevermind\nHurry hurry there's no time*\n\n*I say let's work, but i'm the jerk, who's late again\nAnd they know well that I was up til 4am\nThis should be easier I guess\nhurry hurry what a mess*", "answer": "LOVE THIS SONG NOW! So what I feel like every day haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "62yz3g", "comment_id": "dfsb19r"}, {"question": "Watched a man presumably die at the movie theater", "description": "Hi all, hope this is the right subreddit to be posting on. Need to speak of this and get some advice. yesterday my mom (56f), dad (60m) and I (24f) went go to see a movie since we all had the day off for holiday. As the movie was started, I noticed a middle aged woman crying and grabbing her husband. A second woman was on the phone with 911 telling them the man wasn\u2019t breathing. I was the first to notice among most of the people in the theater as the previews were so loud. I calmly told my parents that there was something serious happening right in front of us (slightly diagonal and in front, I was the closest). Soon everyone started to notice and everyone jumped into action. The lights were still down and a nurse and doctor in the theater helped move the man onto the ground to perform CPR. My father was helping clear people away, and my mother was holding the wife and turning her away from her husbands body. They needed light and I was closest and I turned on my phone\u2019s flashlight and shined it on the man. All I could then see was his dead eyes slightly opened as my flashlight shined on them and his body being aggressively pounded on by the medical professionals. Then, he started to vomit and as he was pounded more his vomit came out more and his eyes still open and lifeless. The nurse and doctor kept saying there was no pulse, no pulse. Finally, the lights came on and the paramedics arrived. We were all whisked out of the theater but my mom stayed behind with the wife. I sat outside and my dad went to go smoke in the car from the stress. I then watched the man be furiously rushed out with the wife following being escorted by a paramedic as well. \n\nWe went home (parents dropped me off at my apartment) and at first when I was finally alone I cried and shook and cried and then threw up. My mom tried to call me but kept talking about the wife and I just didn\u2019t want to speak. To anyone. Then, i just sat the rest of the evening staring. I tried to turn on the TV but couldn\u2019t focus. I kept thinking about the mans eyes and the vomit and his body lifelessly convulsing as the CPR was performed. Last night I slept a bit but just couldn\u2019t stay asleep. Had trouble falling back asleep. My mind was just not tired. \n\nAll day today I have felt extremely distracted and weird. Not sure how I feel. It\u2019s good to note that my parents did not witness what I witnessed as my father was getting everyone away and my mom was comforting the wife turned away with her. I had to focus my light directly on him while everything happened. I have never seen something so horrific in my life. And my parents aren\u2019t a ton of help, because they are talking more about the empathetic point of view while I just keep having these images in my mind. I\u2019m not crying today or shaky but I sure don\u2019t feel good. \n\n As someone who\u2019s never been through this shit, what should I do? What should I expect? What is normal? I still have no idea if the man was ever revived or if he is officially \u201cdead\u201d. I don\u2019t know if knowing would even phase how I\u2019m feeling.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry. That is so hard to experience. I am so glad you and your family were there to help in all the ways you did. It\u2019s always scary and jarring when illness/emergency/death cross our path on what was just another day of us just going about our business. I\u2019m glad your family was there for them.", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "c9icn1", "comment_id": "eszi7pr"}, {"question": "Tips on how to talk to someone\u2019s you\u2019re interested in over the phone?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "My overall tip would be to just don't do it. If you're interested in them, don't stall and be unclear with your intentions. Ask them to hang out in person to do something you both enjoy (or would) enjoy. Once you have more a relationship or friendship established you don't have to make up awkward things to talk about on the phone just to talk.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "diq78g", "comment_id": "f3xiw76"}, {"question": "\"The Patriarchy of Alcoholics Anonymous\"", "description": "An important voice, from the most important paper on the planet:\n\n&#x200B;\n\n [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/27/opinion/sunday/alcoholics-anonymous-women.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/27/opinion/sunday/alcoholics-anonymous-women.html)", "answer": "This is crazy to me. Do you really think all men are exactly alike, and AA is only effective because they have massive egos due to white privilege? Because that\u2019s the only way your argument makes any sense at all. Seems to me that men are actually...get this...not just all cavemen without different thoughts and feelings, or from different socioeconomic backgrounds. Men in AA I have run across vary tremendously. Some have suffered tremendous trauma and abuse their whole lives and drank because they too felt powerless. Others have drank because their families would not accept their sexual orientation or gender identity. Still more drank because they have lived in poverty their entire lives and didn\u2019t feel like they would ever be able to get out of it. How any of those examples are individuals with too much power and need their egos smashed escapes me. Somehow AA was the difference in their life. Wonder why? Maybe because your lengthy description of how AA works based off of the founding members may be short sighted and extremely simplistic. The many, many women I have met that have not only gotten sober through AA, but had their lives completely turned around, swear by AA. Why is that? This idea that AA takes power away from women or anyone else is absolutely false and ignorant. It is also very dangerous as far as I am concerned because people like you could turn another woman away from the program before they even give it a shot, or have them going into it with preconceived notions. That\u2019s messing with someone\u2019s life as far as I\u2019m concerned. \n\nAlso, did you honestly just suggest using Psilocybin for recovery to from alcoholism? Seriously? Another thing is that if you look at the 12 steps, and the work that is involved with them, you would see how it actually uses many of the techniques and theoretical underpinnings of CBT (albeit unintentional). And MAT for alcohol use disorder is far from effective alone. Some of it helps with cravings for some people...that\u2019s about it. It basically may help with cravings in the beginning, but they do not do much for long-term sobriety. The Sinclair method claims great success rates, but it hasn\u2019t been accepted in the US by the FDA as a legitimate use of naloxone. AA helps you to see things differently and learn to manage everything that life throws your way. CBT deals with catastrophizing and rationalizing a lot, and teaches you to challenge these maladaptive thought patterns, and eventually reframe them in a more positive and realistic manner. AA does this as well, only in more detail in my opinion. \n\nYou seem to be quite intelligent and well read given the content of your post; however, I could not disagree with your premise or your overall point more strongly. I think it\u2019s dangerous and uninformed, and believe you are making assumptions based off of the few founding members of AA. This could be leading people who would benefit from the AA program away from it before they have even tried a measure that could literally save their life. I find that to be reckless regardless of the motives you may have behind it.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "egujlw", "comment_id": "fcavl2r"}, {"question": "Hair loss help!", "description": "Hello ladies! I've been browsing for some informative hair loss posts but haven't found much.. so I was wondering:\n\nHas going on birth control helped manage hair loss? (Just started lo -ogestrel myself and hoping that helps out )\nWhat has and hasn't worked for you?", "answer": "I'd like to know this, too!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4196ua", "comment_id": "cz0l34v"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "gde342i"}, {"question": "Prilosec acting like an anti-anxiety/anti-depressive? I know that's not common", "description": "Age 25/195lbs/6ft 5in/White/Started Prilosec a few days ago.\n\nThank you that gave input on my post a few days ago, I have really appreciated it. However I have a question about the side effects of prilosec.\n\nI have already done research, and I am aware that it can deplete magnesium levels and other vitamin levels over a long period time. i read complaints of headaches/dizziness/ and most interestingly cognitive changes.\n\nYou see, I typically have headaches quite frequently, its sort of a burning sensation and the prilosec has helped immensely rather than making them worse. Thus i assume the headaches were caused from the constant burning in my gut.\n\nNow the interesting thing is.. It has effected my mood in the opposite way of which I have read most posts. It isnt exactly causing confusion, or cognitive difficulties.. rather it has improved my mood?\n\nI have been feeling very calm, collected, the constant headaches make thinking much clearer. I feel happy, its having almost an anti anxiety/anti depressant effect on me which is the exact opposite of what ive read in its possible side effects.\n\nIt is not a problem at all, I love it. However im curious as to why it would be effecting me in such a way thats totally different from the norm. Yes, I know that everyone experiences different side-effects and no ones body chemistry is the same.. Id love some ideas or theories for me to think about. Its very interesting and fascinating to me\n\nTL;DR: Prilosec is lowering my anxiety immensely, improving my ability to think, and causing anti-anxiety/anti-depressive effects. I know this isn't common, what would some possibilities be for these effects?", "answer": "Physical discomfort is bad for mood. If you're in less pain, it stands to reason that you'd feel better. It's also commonly the case that physical sensations that mimic the sensations of anxiety, like chest pain/burning or headaches, can act as triggers for anxiety; by cutting off the trigger, you feel better.\n\nWhatever the mechanism, I'm glad it's working for you!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8k0jzq", "comment_id": "dz3ymj1"}, {"question": "How can I make my relation ship work when me and my GF have different political views?", "description": "It's becoming a problem and it's getting worse. I don't want politics to be our fall off (especially today's politics), but it seems that every time politics come up it ends in her not wanting to talk to me ", "answer": "different political view are different VALUES. if you care about YOUR values, and his are very different, the relationship can't work.VALUES are who we are. it's the strongest core feature of any relationship...firneds, lovers, spouses...you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66aar0", "comment_id": "dggug0f"}, {"question": "Is it ok to have hallucinations right after waking up?", "description": "I'm 21, male. It started a year ago.\nI would wake up in the morning or the middle of the night and think that clothes on chairs or couches were people. They were mostly speeping to and as I was sleepy I'd just get back to sleep without reacting. It rarely happened but then started happening more often. Lately it happens once every two weeks or so. Yesterday I woke up from a nap and thought a friend was there and talking and I was naked so I rolled into a blanket and today a similar situation happened. Sometimes I wake up during the night because I hear people talking in the other room and I'm annoyed but then just go back to sleep.\nI think it's because I still have the dreaming process happening after waking up so I hallucinate. Maybe my brain produces more DMT?\nI'm not worried about it, I just find it very interesting and I'm pretty sure it's not normal so I'd like to know more.\nEdit: Looks like I have a condition(?) called hypnopompic hallucinations. Fun times!", "answer": "You beat me to it - yes it sounds like hypnopompic hallucinations, which are normal.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6jvf2a", "comment_id": "djhcmxb"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been in this pattern before as well. The narcissists I\u2019ve ended up with in the past were also very manipulative and emotionally abusive. \n\nWhat do you think attracts you to these types? Also, are you more of an empath? Are you someone who over looks some of the negative behaviours of your partners/sees the good in them and their potential? \n\nThere\u2019s some interesting articles about empaths and narcissists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd4381y"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Am I correct when assuming you have no history of heart disease and in your direct family there have been no young (<50) serious cardiac issues? No medication? No drugs involved?\n\nPanic attacks are more common then new heart rythm problems at your age, and what you describe could be a panic attack.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhavrv", "comment_id": "fka39l6"}, {"question": "How organized are you guys?", "description": "How organized are you guys and how do you guys approach organizing?", "answer": "I became organized after an old boss of mine told me I could not trust my brain, that I HAD to write EVERYTHING down. She was really helpful in me accepting and understand how to work with my ADHD. I use a passion planner and I write tasks down in my weekly to-do lists and I need to have a view of my whole week so I like their weekly spread layout.\n\nI also use the location based reminders on the iPhone. I constantly have reminders pop up in places when I don\u2019t even remember setting them \ud83d\ude06 \n\nI will occasionally do a big brain dump and write down all the tasks/ideas/ stuff that gets clogged up in my brain and causes anxiety (that\u2019s after avoiding it for a week by playing video games) Then I go through and categorize them by putting them on a task list, an idea list written in a journal or on a calendar for a later date. \n\nThe system from www.adultaddsuccesstools.com was incredibly helpful in teaching me about organizing and I highly recommend them. The daily planning pad was integral and it took me a while to get consistent but once I did it was like something clicked.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91lzw1", "comment_id": "e3f5abi"}, {"question": "Just left an inpatient facility after being Baker Acted. I initially had voluntary committed myself, still got baker Acted though. A PSA.", "description": "Basically, be very careful about which routes you take when reaching out for help for suicidalal thoughts. \n\nI live in FL, where the Baker Act is legal. It isn't in most states. Basically it grants the state to automatically holy you for psych evaluation for 72 hours. It permanently stays on your record. \n\nThis happened to me AFTER I tried to check myself into an inpatient facility and was told I had to be \"medically cleared\" before they would admit me. So I went to the ER where I was stuck by tons of needles, hooked to an IV and fed benzodiazepines. Twelve hours later they say they only have a bed at a different facility and they have to baker act me to make sure I show up there from the time I leave the hospital to the time I arrive, so they put me in the back of a police car and escorted me there. It was a nightmare. The facility was basically 15 years behind modern health care. I feel re traumatized. But I'm out now and that's what matters. \n\nJust be careful that you don't end up in this situation. Learn your rights and your options. ", "answer": "If you plan on killing yourself, though, I don't see this as wrong. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5uv3uo", "comment_id": "ddx7ypb"}, {"question": "Thinking", "description": "I\u2019m thinking death by a cop doesn\u2019t sound so bad. I\u2019m drunk with a gun in my hand don\u2019t know what to do maybe just pull the trigger or go for a drive.. drive in to a tree doing 100+ mph or drive off a bridge I\u2019m so fed up with life and all the bullshit it brings maybe run a bath and run electricity to it.. at this point I don\u2019t even care anymore.. I don\u2019t want to be here anymore. Maybe just maybe I won\u2019t wake up tomorrow.", "answer": "Please go to an AA meeting. They can support you.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bksusu", "comment_id": "emljp76"}, {"question": "Has anyone gotten back together with an ex and not regretted it? [22/f] and [23/m]", "description": "I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a couple years and am not sure if its the right decision. I eventually ended the relationship a few weeks ago because of lack of effort he put in and I didn't feel like he was interested in me anymore for the past few months. We have been talking a lot recently and I'm wondering if getting back together would be worth it, because I do care about him a lot and loved being with him when he put in effort. I feel like even though we had been dating for awhile, we are still so young and there definitely still needs to be effort put into a relationship. So basically I'm just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences or has gotten back with an ex and it ended up working out. ", "answer": "I broke up with my wife in 1968 when I was 16. I wrote to her 10 years later and we've been married ever since.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76z49c", "comment_id": "dohx7g5"}, {"question": "How to deal efficiently with mentally ill persons?", "description": "I am a corrections officer in PA. Since all the mental hospitals except for like 4 in this state have been shut down due to funding, all the crazies are being sent to jail. I work at a county jail so we get them right when they first come off the street. Many have drug problems. Actually, most of them. \n\nWe have precautions in place to protect staff, other inmates, and themselves from harm. We get lots and lots of bipolar and schizophrenic people in here. We usually place anyone we feel is not all there in the head on a suicide watch. Suicide watch 1 and 2 levels. A level 1 is to be checked on every 5 minutes and only allowed to have a suicide smock and suicide blanket. That's it. No socks, panties, nothing. Level 2 are to be checked on every 15 minutes and can have a normal jumper, a pillow but no pillow case, and a normal blanket.\n\nThey are both locked in at all times. Only allowed out to shower on 1st shift. Level 2's are allowed a phone call. Level 1's are not.\n\nAnyway, we have people in here on levels because of their mental illness who will flood their cells, scream all day and night, bang on the walls, floors, doors, throw poop/pee, smear poop/pee on the walls and themselves etc. Some have tried to kill themselves before. They all seem to hallucinate and have no touch with reality. Many believing that someone or something harmful is in the cell with them and trying to get out. Let that be a person, an animal, poison etc. \n\nI feel bad for them because they can't help that they have this condition. However, the ones that act crazy like this are refusing their medication for one reason or another. Many times it is the belief that we are trying to poison them. Paranoia is apparent in almost all of them.\n\nThey will ask and say bizarre things. Such as saying they are not in jail, that there is an animal in their cell, playing in their toilet, thinking that animals live in their toilet, etc. \n\nMany times I try to soothe them. Like if they are freaking out over a dog being in the room barking. I'll tell them that there is nothing in there. Sometimes this works but most times it does not. It will just turn into some other irrational fear. \n\nThe best thing to do I believe is to try to soothe them but if it doesn't work then just ignore them. All the other CO's suggest doing the same thing. Ignore them and they will stop eventually. \n\nIs there any other advice you can give to me that will help in dealing with these people? Sometimes they are dangerous and there have been times when they have attacked CO's and had to be tasered or pepper sprayed. Obviously caution is needed when dealing with any inmate but it is wise to be even more concerned when dealing with crazies. Any advice is welcome and appreciated. \n\nJust a note, I am not mean to any inmates. I treat them all with respect like I would treat my own friends and family. I don't have a mean bone in my body but sometimes I do find myself very frustrated with inmates when all they do is yell/scream/bang all night and day. They disrupt the whole housing unit and make other inmates irritable and want to fight. Sometimes I wish the lieutenant would just tase them or threaten them so they stop. This method has worked a few times. \n\nThe LT will come up and aim the taser at them. The inmate sees the red light and realizes that they are in trouble. The LT tells them if they don't stop that they will be tased. Usually they stop. However, sometimes, there isn't enough cause for the LT to get involved. The inmate must be harming themselves or others or causing great destruction inside their cells like barricading themselves in, breaking things, etc. If the inmates don't go too extreme there is nothing we can do but deal with the BS.\n\nThey really do make work stressful when they are causing chaos because I can't do anything else but deal with them. and the other inmates get angry because their needs aren't being met.", "answer": "First, it might be helpful for you to try to remove the term \"crazies\" from your vocabulary. \n\nIt might be worth it to see if your unit could look into pursuing/receiving training in working with the mentally ill. Perhaps a local NAMI chapter would know more. \n\nUltimately, prison is likely the worst environment for someone who is a acutely mentally ill as it is extremely stressful. I wish you the best of luck and am grateful that you care. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4frpzk", "comment_id": "d2cotgg"}, {"question": "I can't stop thinking about my bones being crushed.", "description": "It's hurts just thinking about it but I can't stop. This is part of OCD right? Does anyone else do this?", "answer": "I have that same type of intrusive thought, except mine is more about me accidentally crushing others\u2019 bones.\n\nAhhh I hate these thoughts. And they wax and wane in intensity, but lately they have been strong and frequent.\n\nSorry you are going through this!", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "az82pv", "comment_id": "ei5yavk"}, {"question": "anxiety about bathrooms?", "description": "This might seem like a weird one, but I wanted to see if anyone else struggles with the same thing. I\u2019ve got a lot of bathroom anxiety, and start to freak out if I\u2019m in a place without a bathroom. Like most of us, my stomach is super reactive to how I\u2019m feeling and being anxious about whether there\u2019s a bathroom or not makes it worse. It makes long car drives super hard. To make matters worse, I live in an apartment with one bathroom and I get very stressed out when my roommates shower because I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll have to use the bathroom. Sometimes I get the feeling of needing to go, even though I\u2019ve just gone. \n\nI dunno, I just want to be able to do normal things without feeling like I\u2019m going to lose it if there isn\u2019t a bathroom. It sucks, y\u2019all. ", "answer": "I've had this for about 10 years now off/on. Started after a severe case of bacterial diarrhea and since I've had panic attacks and anxiety regarding bathroom availability. I've done some research and though it's not a recognized phobia like emetophobia, it's pretty common. I've talked to a few people that developed it just by learning about it as a worry (and because their own anxiety was really bad and looking for new worries). \n\nBreathing exercises and self talk have helped more than anything else though I'm not going to say that I'm turn down an Ativan while flying or a long car ride with a bunch of people I don't know. \n\nFor me at least, a huge portion of the issue is an unreasonably fear of what will happen if I don't make it, though I (almost) always do and though I've pooped in a plastic bag a few times, I never burst into flames while being mocked, which is what my body believes is going to happen. \n", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "af5etv", "comment_id": "edw72r0"}, {"question": "All I Want is to Just Be Halfway Decent at Something for once", "description": "i know that I'm just going to hear that i need to practice and it'll come! but it never fucking does. I'm shit in all my classes, just bullshitting them to pass. so i try to focus on my music, but whats even the point if I'm never gonna be good enough to make it anywhere? like music is my degree rn, and I'm useless at it. maybe ill try hanging out with people, socializing used to help! then i realize how shitty and degenerate i really am. all i do is compare myself to everyone else but everyone else is doing so much better than i could dream of. I'm too poor to afford any sort of self medication too so i fucked in that regard. and on top of everything else, at the end of the day i just want to sit down, play a video game and relax. but i cant fucking do that because I'm too fucking childish to enjoy anything. i just get pissed and throw a fucking tantrum because I'm no good at that either. and i have enough self awareness to know that that just makes me an even shittier person. like what kind of useless piece of shit wants to cry because he lost a video game. I'm not suicidal or anything, but god sometimes i wish i were dead", "answer": "2 problems that I can see off the bat reading this that might be worth more introspection. \n\n1. You're doing these things for the wrong reason: Lets look at music (as I'm a musician too, avid video game player, but let's stick with music for now) Whether you completely suck and are picking up an instrument for the first time or you're a virtuoso, music should be fun and enjoyable. If you enjoy what you're doing and the process of working to get better, you will and you'll be happy for it. If your main reason for playing is \"to get really good\" than you will neither enjoy it or get really good. \n\n2. The next is the ruler to which you decide to measure yourself. Whether it be music or video games or whatever, no matter how good you get, there are always going to be people both much better than you and much worse than you. If you have the mindset of \"if I just got beat or I see somebody I'm not as good as so I must suck\" you'll never be happy or have the motivation to get better. \n\nLastly, practicing upping your frustration tolerance is going to go a long way in helping you. Unless you're pre-teen, you shouldn't be throwing controllers, yelling, or crying about a video game.\n\nI would suggest talking to a therapist and/or psychiatrist about what's going on for you. It's also possible that you may suffer from undiagnosed ADD which could be contributing. The inability to stay focused on a goal and propensity to seek escape through video games may be an indicator of this. \n\nHope this helps! \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com) ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80ewhv", "comment_id": "duv9643"}, {"question": "I (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how I feel without crying but that seems impossible as I've tried a million times...", "description": "We are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. However the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by. \n\n\nI want to tell my partner how I feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when I cry. I hate HATE that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hold the tears in ffs! I want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. I will literally stop mid sentence when I feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. I've tried rehearsing, I even cry during that! What's worse is that I'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. I can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as I talk, tears run... It's so frustrating. \n\n\nAny advice on how to talk to him without crying? And yeah, I've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and I don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "dmlgwxh"}, {"question": "I'm depressed [M/25]and I don't know how to be happy with my girlfriend [F/26]", "description": "TL:DR I'm sad and it sometimes make me dislike my girlfriend, but I want to be with her but just be happy.\n\nI've been seeing a girl for about three months. Sometimes, I get depressed and sad for no reason. She makes me feel better. But when I'm alone, I get into my own head, and I start to feel bad about everything. I start to judge her for things that I had nothing to do with, and things that happened way before I was involved in her life. Past boyfriends, sexual history, that sort of stuff. I am a jealous person, to the point where I don't know how many people she has had sex with because if the number was too high, I wouldn't want to be with her. I know she is clean and as far as I can tell she is faithful, so that's not really an issue. But when I get sad, I start to feel like I'm not good enough. And then that snowballs into me realizing that I'm not good enough for her. Then that turns into why would she be with me if she is so much better than I am. Next thing you know, I'm thinking to myself that she is only with me because I'm the first person to actually care about her enough to want to really please her sexually, so I'm essentially just being used for sex and a warm body to sleep with at night. \n\nI don't want to feel this way because it negatively effects things with her. I just get sad and I want to be alone to try to process my feelings, but it just ends up pushing her away when I do that. I don't know what to do because the sadness I feel has nothing to do with her, but it causes me to feel negatively about her. What should I do?\n\n", "answer": "https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rqsw6", "comment_id": "dd9llsi"}, {"question": "emailcoaching.", "description": "Hi all,\n\nOn reddit I often see how people help each other by talking about their problems. Great advice is given and experiences are shared. Very helpful, for sure. Nothing is as powerful as sharing your experience with another person that\u2019s still in trouble. But one\u2019s advice does not always work for the other. That\u2019s how emailcoaching can help, you have your own coach and together we can work on your problem in a structured way. \n\nAbout me: I am 28 years old, I live in the Netherlands and besides being an emailcoach, I also work as a psychologist with degrees in health psychology and clinical psychology (Leiden University) and a licensed social worker (Christian University of Applied Sciences). I have over 10 years of experience in psychiatry and now work as a psychologist with people who have severe psychiatric disorders/ problems and all sorts of addictions. From mild cases to extremely complicated cases, I have seen it all.\n\nInterested? Please take a look at my site: www.my-emailcoach.com\nDo you have questions, please feel free to ask here or use the contact form on my website.\nPlease feel free to share if you think it will work for someone else.\n\nAnnemieke\n", "answer": "This looks like such a scam.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4h1u77", "comment_id": "d2mz69s"}, {"question": "Best way to meet new people? (16F)", "description": "Hey everyone. I'm looking for advice on where or how to meet new people. I recently got out of a relationship 2 months ago and am back in the dating crowd after 2 years. So I don't really know where to go from here. I would like to get to know a NICE (no nudes or anything) guy or just chat, but I don't know where or if there's any apps I can use to do that. thanks in advance :) ", "answer": "social/recreational activities", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tsbyi", "comment_id": "ddopkfq"}, {"question": "My most heart wrenching auto claim", "description": "I am proud to say I was a claims adjuster. Proud that sentence is past tense. And proud of what it means to me; the trials and hardship I overcame my sweatshop of a company. But those difficulties are nothing compared to the struggles of the people I worked with on a daily basis. \n\nFor 5 months now, I've only been able to share this story with close family. There's still so much I need to say and I need it to be sent out there - if only in the hope that the family might see it and know.\n\nFor the purpose of this story, names and dates are going to be changed. This isn't my information to share. Just how it affected me.\n\nI started working at this company in May 2015. I started working in a live environment in July. And started working with far less supervision in October. To say I was wet behind the ears would be an understatement. Though I was amongst the top of my training class, the workload was (as always) overwhelming. The customers could be short and sweet at best, abusive at worst. By October I was confident in my knowledge and far more capable in my abilities. I wouldn't quite say I was ready for this claim, but you don't get to pick them. I certainly didn't want to let my supervisor down and request it be transferred.\n\nA call came in shortly after our call center opened for business with a man on the line. He was calm and patient. His calm is always what I remember about him. He introduced himself Andrew and that he was inquiring about a claim. It was Monday and we came into all of the claims we had received over the weekend (about 6 that day).\n\nHis claim came to me with no information. An officer reported it, which was highly unusual, said our driver was not at fault (not their job to determine, but helpful), and that another person was. That person happened to be insured with us as well, so it made it much easier getting that driver's information and to speak with her adjuster.\n\nAndrew knew nothing else. Just that his wife had been hit with their infant daughter in the car and they were both in the hospital, the wife in a coma. I feel like time slowed as I mind raced for responses. Reassuring, empathetic, but with a note of determined plan-of-action. I hoped I managed to pull it off. I was *not* ready for a fatality claim. And me?? What about Andrew?!? Holy shit! How is he not freaking the fuck out!!!\n\nI bless whatever lead Andrew for having such a level headed disposition as my mind races to figure out what to do. If he were yelling or freaking out, I would be a useless sobbing mess I'm sure. Even to this day, I don't think he realizes what a saint he has been through the whole endeavor. And that's what I wish so bad to tell him.\n\nIt becomes quickly clear that neither of us know anything. As soon as I let him know the scant information I've been told, I tell him how I plan to get more information: where his car is, what the police report number is, who the reporting officer is, what other cars are involved, does the other party accept liability? What does the other driver say happened? How is she - in a coma too? And most of all, what the hell happened in the accident.\n\nThis ends up being a struggle spanning several weeks.\n\nThe cops took Andrew's car as evidence. They didn't think his wife would survive her injuries and they were collecting evidence for vehicular manslaughter charges. In a week or so the cops released the car to our car so we could start to work getting Andrew his settlement money.\n\nIt turns out the woman who was at fault managed to sideswipe two cars that were stopped at a red light, T-bone Andrew's wife, then proceed to sideswipe a fourth car. Andrew's wife was hit with such force that she was pushed into a pole. She suffered life threatening injuries but her infant was unharmed. There were at least 6 other people involved, not including the other driver (who suffered a broken foot or something similar) and each of them sought treatment for the usual stiff neck and back.\n\nHere's the deal. As much as the injuries are bad news, and I'm not downplaying them, the coverage is pretty bad too.\n\nAndrew has state minimums when it comes to Bodily Injury coverage and Personal Injury Coverage. The state they live in dictates that if the at fault party's coverage isn't sufficient to cover anything, you can only use YOUR coverage if it is MORE. They have the same state minimum limits as the at fault party.\n\nWhat that means is this: \n\nHis wife's bills exhaust the medical coverage (PIP) within 2 days.\n\nAll of their bills will now go through their normal health insurance and they will pay their usual copay and deductible whatever the hell that may be. As her *rehab* treatment is over $1,000 a day, they're racking up major bills.\n\nThe at fault party owes them a bodily injury settlement. BUT they only have the state minimum $30,000 to work with. And they have to split that with 6 other people who - while have significantly minor injuries, also need to be considered. \n\nAndrew's wife is going to be out of work, if not permanently impaired.... if she makes it. They have all of these medical bills. They have two little kids. $30,000 aint shit.\n\nAnd to top it off - when asked about how the accident happened, why did the at fault party do this, she insisted she did not have a seizure. Not usually something people volunteer. If you have a seizure, you lose your license for 3 months in this state. It seems she knew what happened, knew she wasn't safe to drive but did anyway.\n\nAnd once more, to make matters worse, Andrew didn't have power of attorney. So the entire process of getting the settlement for his car, or really *anything* was frustrating and painful.\n\nYet, he remaind amazingly calm and patient.\n\nEven as his life fell apart. He was thrown into this world of unknowns and upset, he was civil and respectful. He took everything I told him patiently, even when I knew it was too complicated or difficult to get a handle on at the moment.\n\nThere were only two times I felt this character break. The first Thursday after the accident. He sounded like he was clinging to his calm manner like a shield but I could hear he was broken. He said he was at the hospital and couldn't talk now. I later learning that his wife had a horrible infection and actually died once or twice that night. At the time the somewhat terse response completely threw me off - I thought I knew Andrew. But after I learned what happened, my heart broke all over again.\n\nThe other time what when I had the full account of what happened. I read the narration to him and later referred to the at fault party by name. His emotions were subtle but for him he may as well have been shaking with rage. This woman who caused this damage to his wife. He had a name for her now and that hatred just bled through the phone. I never mentioned her ever again.\n\nOur service for Andrew wasn't our best. In fact, of a 10, I would give it a 4. It's a real shame and between the expected stresses of having a wife in an extended coma, 2 babies, and a fuckhead insurance, I could sense Andrew getting more and more strained on the phone. I dreaded his calls, dreaded disappointing him. At every step I was left wishing there was more I could do. I'd often think of his family at home, praying for him, wishing somehow I could tell him how much we are hoping for him and praying for his wife's recovery. If even just that bit could give him some strength to continue this long journey, I would.\n\nBut I couldnt. I could never say needed and human things. Not just because to him, I'm just *the insurance company* but because my company is like the usual giant corporations and they have pretty clear policies on saying things like \"we're praying for you\" or \"we're all thinking about you\"\n\nSo now is my chance. I still think about you guys, Andrew. I'm so sorry that you had to celebrate the holidays and her birthday, and soon your kids' birthdays in the hospital. I saw the medical reports. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I hope that if anything I helped just one iota. I pray for your wife every day. I pray for you even more. Please stay that gentle, calm man who called me in October.\n", "answer": "Quite a moving story. I hope you gotta little peace through the process of writing it out. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4bzqto", "comment_id": "d1dzor1"}, {"question": "After 5 years of trying she has finally failed and cannot go on. And im happy about it.", "description": "My sister graduated high school one year early. She moved out of the house and went to live with my grandma in the ghetto to go to community college. For 5 years since the day she left she has been working hard (2 or more jobs constantly) to make money to pay for herself to go to school.\n\nShe failed the first year.\nShe quit the second year.\nShe failed again the third year.\nShe got into a car accident and failed the fourth year.\nAnd now this fifth year she cant even attend school because she does not have enough money.\n\nAnd for all that, im finally happy she cant get back up. Because now, its time for something new. School is not for everyone and its taken her 5 years to figure that out. I dont want to tell her she wasted her time, but she already knows its on my mind.\n\nNow im currently getting stuff prepared to help her move. She needs to start a new life in a new city, away from all the bad memories and failures here.\n\nWish her luck please.", "answer": "This \"everyone should go to college\" mindset is poisonous. A friend of mine is dealing with it now. It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2fs4xr", "comment_id": "ckc9v3t"}, {"question": "9 yr old severe anxiety in summer...", "description": "My 9 yr old is having severe anxiety over blushing in front of schoolmates. We have been with friends and family for 4th of July activities the past two nights and has told me she is very worried about school and blushing, even during a fireworks show. Last night she even mentioned she likes school but not herself. This talk is obviously alarming. We will talk with our pediatrician but was thinking we could get some good feedback, opinions, resources etc. that would help us dive in and give her some relief.", "answer": "I think it's good that you're so actively doing your best for your daughter and I understand her words can be alarming. \n\nKeep in mind that regardless of the professional help you may or may not need, her parents are very important to her and you can definitely help her also to be a healthy and developing child. My advice would be to make sure you (both parents) are not reacting with becoming more stressed than needed. She is learning what happens when she tells you she is not so happy. I am not talking about whether or not you tell her about your feelings and thoughts, because she will notice anyway. \n\nSo talk about it, care about it, and show her what happens when you tell your parents you're not feeling good (they love you, they understand you, they will help you, they may not be perfect but they are good enough).\n\nHope this helps.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9ves4", "comment_id": "et3nauh"}, {"question": "Obligated to have sex", "description": "My boyfriend (24/m) and I (23/f) have been together for 3 years. Our relationship is good and we're always in sync about everything. Except sex. When we first started dating, we were having sex multiple times a week. Not because I was more interested in sex at the time but more because our relationship was newer and so therefore I felt like I had to try harder. But as our relationship became more serious, we started having sex less and less. At this point it's about once a month or less. People say that one of the best expressions of intimacy and affection is sex and I guess I just feel the opposite. I feel disconnected during sex. I've always loved him, with or without sex, and I'm just wondering why it's so hard for him to feel the same way. At this point I'm wondering if I should just agree to an open relationship just so that I can keep him, but I feel like that's just inviting poison into our relationship. Any advice? Thank you. ", "answer": "yes, it's inviting poison. try to find a comfort level in between your different sexual levels. all couples have to do that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g6tko", "comment_id": "dio6wmh"}, {"question": "Someone with ADHD want to chime in and confirm this? Check my arm-chair diagnosis before I waste time with specialists.", "description": "Can someone with ADHD skim this and give some thoughts? Want to be sure I've got my arm\\-chair diagnosis correct.\n\nI'm working up to scheduling an appointment with an actual specialist for a diagnosis.\n\nIn the meantime: I'm supposed to be doing something important right now and am waiting for the caffeine to kick in so instead I got distracted researching that's possibly wrong with me and posting this.\n\nI can't stick to a structured schedule to save my life \\(or career\\), an 8 hour work\\-day drains my soul, and I have difficulty not being completely drained working just 30 hour weeks, being drained by structured work saps my ability to be structured and efficient in my freetime, there are things I \\*want\\* to do in my free time but instead waste it all bouncing between distractions that don't accomplish anything \\(I don't even feel entertained or refreshed\\), really forcing myself to do what I tell myself I should be doing takes extreme mental effort and drains my willpower, I can barely plan anything beyond the immediate moment, my task\\-memory is constantly wiping itself blank while working such that I fuck up basic procedures because it just evaporates from my mind as I go resulting in me unintentionally skipping steps I just read and told myself I have to do merely seconds ago, conversation is difficult for me because I often can't listen for less than a minute before I catch myself wandering and completely forgetting what we were talking about, I myself can barely make a point in a conversation before my own tangential thoughts pull me away or I forget what point I was trying to communicate resulting in a rambling branching logic path that I'm lucky if it circles back around to close, and it's difficult for me to discern what people are tying to tell me because of the prior difficulties and getting distracted mid\\-conversation with the myriad of possibilities of what they could be saying and often forgetting soon after anyway.\n\nSome people have suggested ASD as well but there's a huge overlap with ADHD?\n\nI do fine on reading expressions, tone, empathy, etc. I have problems with volume, masking the tone of my actual mood, and clear concise communication, and sometimes get a strong impulse to talk about something that's caught my attention which can impede my conversational skills by sapping willpower to ignore it. Anxiety in social situations for me is pretty bad. My hobbies and interests jump around a lot, I can do really well in them then often drop them only to cycle through them on an unintentional rotating schedule, but at no point do I have life\\-long obsessions or am very interested in the \"data collection\" type hobbies usually associated with ASD. There may be some motor/coordination issues, disassociation by environmental stimulus, and some repetitive movements \\(but they're not repeating continuously, just things I do more than others over the course of a day like cracking knuckles, stretching my neck, sighing, etc\\).\n\nI got this far before realizing and adding the 3rd line/paragraph. I should do the thing I need to be doing but I know I'm actually about to go get some food and watch a few videos instead despite the fact I've already eaten then check out the amazon package that was just dropped off when I know I don't have time for that and should wait to do that when I get back from work. Then I'll spend the rest of the day mentally kicking myself for being so unproductive with my morning when I knew the entire morning what I should have been doing at every moment I wasn't doing those things I should have been doing.", "answer": "It's never wasting your time with specialists. \n\n\nSelf-diagnosing or asking armchair psychologists to diagnosis you isn't going to help. What would a diagnosis mean to you? That you would begin therapy and consider medication? If that's the case, you should get evaluated. \n\n\nAs a therapist, I would never put stock in diagnosing myself, even though I'm licensed and have close to 10 years experience working in the field. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and take meds for it. If you're concerned that it's ADHD, get checked out and if diagnosed and recommended meds, consider it. I wish I would've done it years earlier. \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8nk0xn", "comment_id": "dzw8d0p"}, {"question": "cut my nails outside my shrink's office yesterday", "description": "cause I didn't get time before I left the house and had the executive function to problem solve instantly and put them nailclipper in my pocket in case I arrived with time to spare. filing under progress with a splash of slightly odd.", "answer": "\u201cFiling under progress with a splash of odd\u201d \ud83d\ude02 love it!\n\nGood job clipping your nails, I always forget! And then remember! And then forget!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9z26a0", "comment_id": "ea5sx18"}, {"question": "I tried everything, but a friend wants to stop being friends.", "description": "I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but it came up when I was searching Reddit. \n\nThe other day me and a really good friend(both mid 20s) had a falling out over a difference in opinion about a topic in politics. Instead of agreeing to disagree, we kept going. He was actually the one who suggested to stop, but I wouldn't let it go for 5 extra minutes. \n\nWithin those 5 minutes, my friend went from irritated to angry. Realizing that I needed to shut up, I gave in and said that we should drop it and if need be, we could hang out later after we've taken some time to cool down. \n\nA day goes by so I text them to apologize. I hear nothing. 2 days go by and I text him again to see if he wants to go to a local festival. Again, I hear nothing. The next day, I text to ask him if he's still pissed off since he's been ignoring me. He texts me back saying he doesn't want to be friends anymore since I didn't stop. I apologized again and explained that it was my fault. I tried to make sure I wasn't accusing him of anything so that he wouldn't get defensive. At that point, I was only concerned with finding a solution. He told me that it doesn't matter and that was it. \n\nI've never had a major disagreement although we've been friends for a while and I feel bad. What should I have done differently aside from ending the topic when he made the request? My hands feel tied because my apology wasn't accepted and I don't think he'll forgive me. What do I do?", "answer": "In the future, it's really important to respect people's boundaries and wishes if you want to remain friends. If someone asks you to stop doing something because it bothers them and you continue, you run the risk of hurting or losing the relationship you have with that person. When asked to stop doing something you have to ask yourself the question.... how important to me is it that I continue? Is it worth potentially causing harm to my relationship with this person? \n\n\nWe all screw up from time to time. Nobody's perfect. You apologized which was the mature thing to do and really the extent to what you can do. It's up to him if he wants to accept it and continue the friendship. He may in time or he may not. Best you can do now is learn what you can from it. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8kecm6", "comment_id": "dz796w9"}, {"question": "Ok, So I'm 100% I have this even if Im not diagnosed (as of yet will do). Holy shit. How do you guys not get bored of anything and commit to something wether its a hobby, relationship, career, degree and everything else?", "description": "I guess what Im asking is: \n\n**How do I find something I like enough to actually stick with/commit? Everything seems boring after I totally obsess about it and get to an intermediate level.** Then I drop it out of my life because Its so under stimulating and boring. Its like I figured it out and in my mind its just tedious practice after that which makes me want to rip out my eyeballs. \n\n**Any solutions? To stick with hobbies relationships careers life goals ?**\n\nI'm scared of ending up being old without any expertise at one thing or being passionate about anything. Or even having any life goals or accomplishing anything since they always change. (besides all the random obsessions I had that stuck with and Im semi good at) FUCK \n\nEdit: its not much of a focus issue per say (unless the boredom feelings start coming in, then i make carless mistakes and it just tanks and I need o force myself to focus (for things that you can't back out of like college classes). ", "answer": "For my career I've picked clinical psychology. I've done this because it interests me but also because the are SO many things I can do. I can be a private practice psych, do research, specialise in certain therapies, work in prisons, hospitals, rural areas, metropolitan. I could change every six months and not run out of things. Also a lot of psychologists work clinically part time and do something else related but different because it's quite taxing emotionally. \n\nMaybe look at sinethjbg with variety?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "airuj7", "comment_id": "eerms5h"}, {"question": "I finally told my boss I have ADHD as I explained why my attention to detail is so poor. The conversation ended with her hugging me and telling me how brave I was for sharing it with her.", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "That's so great! \n\nI told my supervisor a little while back, only because I take IR ritalin and have a fast metabolism so take it quite often, and I didn't want him to see and find out by accident and not have a chance to explain it. \n\nSo I told him and he said \"ok, thanks for letting me know, you didn't have to but thanks. I take blood pressure medication. It stops me from having heart attacks. It is a good job I manage it cause that's not what I would want. I'd say this is similar. If I stopped taking my BP meds that would be my choice and I'd just exercise and eat well to manage it even if it wasn't quite as effective. So you do whatever you need to manage it and if you think I can support you then let me know.\"\n\nIt was so refreshing to just have absolutely no judgement, shock, questions. Just acceptance and support. It was like a lead weight off my shoulders.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bp4bra", "comment_id": "enpxuz7"}, {"question": "Anti-depressant prescriptions without ongoing appointments?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "The preferred treatment for mild depression isn't anti\\-depressants, it's therapy. Therapy takes more time and effort from you, and it can be more expensive. The evidence that medications help in mild depression is scant at best, though; the evidence for psychotherapy is robust.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pnjbq", "comment_id": "e0condh"}, {"question": "My mom is experiencing body tremors while moving, muscle spasms, difficulty with speech, forgetfulness etc. Should we get a 2nd opinion?", "description": "Important info:\n\nAge: 53\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'5\"\n\nWeight: 120lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: Some symptoms 5 years, some more recent, worse within last week\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Recovering alcoholic and narcotic addict, sober a year and a few months. She was an alcoholic for 5 or 6 years and narcotics addict for a year or two.\n\nCurrent medications (if any): Cymbalta and a med for her blood pressure\n\n\nSo the past few years my mom has been VERY absent minded. She forgets conversations, plans, things she did etc. I originally ignored this and chalked it up to wet brain since she is in recovery and some of this bleeds into while she was using. The past year (during her sobriety) it's gotten worse but again, we brushed it off. She also has had RLS, anxiety, depression, extreme fatigue (she'll randomly go lay down for a nap, sometimes taking 2-3 naps per day if its a weekend), in addition to dizziness and lack of balance. The balance has been worse for months. She's constantly falling, especially at night. A couple of weeks ago she DID fall and hit her head, although it wasn't that bad, the ER doctor cleared her with NO concussion and she was fine directly after. Thursday she called me and said she was heading back to the ER because she was getting full body tremors. She couldn't lift her legs high enough to walk up the stairs. After a few hours that settled down and she would only get the body tremors if she moved, but if she sat still for a while her legs and arms would start jerking/spasming. If she moved she couldn't form correct sentences, if she sat still she would stutter a bit but generally communicate okay. They checked her heart and checked for stroke and all was clear. The MRI and CAT scan was clear, the ER couldn't figure it out so she was sent on her way and told to see a neurologist.\n\nShe's still getting the tremors when she moves, though not as violently. If anything is on the floor, she will trip over it because it's difficult for her to process how high she needs to lift her legs to not trip? Its hard for her to explain the sensation. She fell again over the weekend, though she didn't hit her head we're pretty sure she fractured a finger. She's been waking up at night and sending texts that she doesn't remember sending. Also sometimes in her texts, we can't understand a thing she says. One text she sent me yesterday in response to whether or not I was picking up my daughter early:\n\"Lol, yes why I asking one, she'll be podddd\" ....neither her or I had any clue what she meant by this. She was never the greatest texter, but this is beyond normal.\n\n\nTo wrap it up, (THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU'RE STILL WITH ME) she went to the neurologist today. He didn't look much at her medical history, he did see the MRI and CAT scan from the ER but just said it was Post Concussion Syndrome. I'm not a doctor, but reading up on it it doesn't seem like it would fit, especially since she was cleared the first time AND because she's been having symptoms way longer than she fell. She tried to ask him a few questions but he kept bringing her back to Post Concussion Syndrome and to come back in 2 months and he'll give her medicine for the tremors. Unfortunately, I wasn't there for the full conversation, I intend to go to her next appointment so someone can advocate for her in case she forgets anything (which is happening constantly lately).\n\nIs this something that could fit? Should we look into something else/seek a second opinion? Any advice would help SO much. My sister may comment this as well if she has anything to add.", "answer": "Im an addictions psychiatrist. Can I check something? Is she on B vitamins and Thiamine, and she receive loads of this when she was detoxed off alcohol? Similarly what drugs was she addicted to and what treatment did she get?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y0wa1", "comment_id": "d6k2qsc"}, {"question": "Every time I do any sort of physical effort like walk or climb up a slope (exercise of any kind), my eyes swell.", "description": "I am 23f, 158cms height, 75kgs weight and Indian. I\u2019m facing this problem since January 2018, but the issue has increased in the past 6-7 months. When I physically exert, the skin inside and outside my eyes swell. Initially I thought it might be a temperature issue since I used to live in Dubai where summers are extremely hot. However even after moving to Germany it has not stopped. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s some kind of reaction to food or the products I use. I am getting a food allergy test done in a couple of weeks. Every time I try to rule something out, turns out my eyes swell anyway. It\u2019s affecting my day to day life. If anyone has any opinions on this at all, it\u2019d be gratefully welcomed. I\u2019ve been to about 4-5 doctors regarding this in India, Dubai and Germany. Unfortunately, my issue still persists. [eye swelling after physical exertion ](https://imgur.com/a/7afba5L)", "answer": "POTS? (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "btostn", "comment_id": "ep1ezv0"}, {"question": "I need help with figuring out my life", "description": "\"I've read a lot of different articles on here about how to start and how to get motivated. A lot of what I see is nonzero days and just start small. While I know starting small is better than doing nothing at all, you're telling me that I can do that? Like if I want to get in shape I can start small so long as I keep at it daily and don't give up? I know this sounds like the stupidest question but I don't understand it. I've never had anyone tell me I could do anything nor have I ever believed i could do anything myself (hence why all I do is eat bad and browse the internet) but is it really that simple I don't have to do all these new things, i can just start by doing 1 simple thing? I get so overwhelmed by everything I read on the internet about how to get control over my life and how to lose weight that I just give up because I don't understand what will actually work for me. Have any of you actually started out small and have worked up to greater things? I just really need some encouragement that I should actually make my life better because all I do is waste it but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to have a better life, I have become so incredibly complacent and lost and I'm just scared to do anything about it. \"\n\nThis was a post from R/get motivated but no one replied. Also sometimes I feel so positive and like I can accomplish anything I eat better. But most other days I feel complacent and not in control of my life in just barely making it by. I don't look nice I don't put effort into anything. I take Prozac and adderall ", "answer": "Small things certainly help. For instance, getting a shower and getting dressed is a first step. A lot of people who get depressed forego these two things way more than they should. \n\nI tell my clients and always keep this in mind for myself. Put your shoes on early. There's something psychological that I can't put my finger on about putting your shoes on in the morning that can get you a little more motivated. \n\nIf you take Adderall I'm guessing you have an ADHD diagnosis. If that's the case, try this. Make a list of all of the things that you would like to get done on a certain day. Whatever your main distraction is, (tv, video games, social media). Make it so in between each game, show, hour on social media, etc. You have to complete one of the tasks on your list. They don't have to be super time consuming things, just things you have to get done that normally you'd say \"aaaah I don't feel like it\". \n\nThese things are a good first start. Can you give some more details regarding what you're trying to accomplish?\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vq34v", "comment_id": "dm24qyx"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Sorry your hurting. There is a better way man. It\u2019s not being brainwashed as much as it is learning how to deal with life in my opinion. The whole idea of wanting to feel better is to change how you think about things. There\u2019s a quote somewhere that says \u201cchange how you look at things and the things you look at change.\u201d Something like that anyways. AA has helped me with that. It\u2019s also less and less about not drinking and more and more about managing life and keeping my serenity as I go on. Besides, if it is being brainwashed I\u2019ll take it all day over how I was. Is being brainwashed to be happy better than being brainwashed by the booze to be miserable? I\u2019ll take the former myself.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "eeb2hz", "comment_id": "fbshzeb"}, {"question": "Advice with getting diagnosed.", "description": "I will keep it short. I think there is something psychologically wrong with me so looking for some advice as to how to find someone to tell me if I am just imagining things or something is actually wrong. I am living in York in England but all advice is welcome and very much appreciated. I am also at the university in york if that helps. \n\nEdit: Thank you all for the advice for what to do. I am going to email when I get back to university about doing sessions and also to my GPS as well. Thanks again to you all.\n", "answer": "I'm not sure if it's the same in England--I'd be very surprised if it was different--but over here in the US, most universities offer at least a few sessions at the university's counseling center included in tuition. \n\nIf I understand correctly, you're at the University of York, and [according to this page on their website](https://www.york.ac.uk/students/health/mental-illness/yourself/), on the right-hand side of the page is some contact information for the support center. I would start there. If you need more in-depth assistance, they can refer you to an appropriate clinic or hospital.\n\nI hope that helps!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l43jo", "comment_id": "dbsqnvt"}, {"question": "PTSD and weed.", "description": "I'm not sure if I should post here as I feel weed isn't as addictive as basicly any other drug but I'm really having problems with it. I've been diagnozed with PTSD due to things that happend when I was younger. I've been smoking since age 12 (I'm 28 now) and try to stop occasionally, sometimes for a few weeks some times not even a few hours. I am in the process of getting help but there's a waiting list of about 7/8 months and I'm done having this shit dictate my life but the flashbacks/nightmares and not sleeping is draining my will. Is there someone else also dealing with this, if so do you have any tips?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSorry for bad grammar and typo's english isn't my mother tongue.", "answer": "Come on over to r/leaves! Lots of people there who know what it's like to struggle with weed. You don't have to do this alone.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "bek7ja", "comment_id": "el6uqpf"}, {"question": "Therapy isn't working. ", "description": "Seem to be spending a lot of time in this subreddit lately. Possibly not a good thing. Anyway, as you may have guessed, therapy isn't working. I spent years pretending to be perfectly fine, doing everything I could to distract everyone else and myself from what was happening inside my head. Did a pretty good job, too, honestly. Then I ended up in Italy and barely able to leave my room I was so down and the frustration at not being able to enjoy my time abroad finally won out over my all-encompassing need for self-reliance. \n\nThat was about six months ago. Now I am back in the States and still in therapy and on medication and completely suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I know what it would do to my family and I feel so selfish when I think about that. But it's all I can think about. I'm pretty much a shut-in right now; I watch TV, I browse reddit, sometimes (gasp!) I go to the grocery store. I know staying in all the time is making it worse, giving me more time to think about how much I hate myself. I could volunteer somewhere, I could go running, I could do something. But thinking about voluntarily interacting with other people is physically painful. Basically, I hate myself too much to hold a conversation. The effort required to be polite to cashiers and bus drivers is monumental. \n\nMy therapist's advice, when I tell her I'm suicidal? Try not to think about it. Just try to do something. Just try. And it makes me want to scream, like what the fuck was I doing all those years I wasn't in therapy? I'm sick of fucking trying; it never got me anything but sleeplessness and social anxiety. \n\nSo... I don't know what the point of this is. I know you're all going through your own shit. But I'm reaching the end of the proverbial rope, here. ", "answer": "Get another therapist. If you're thinking about offing yourself- go to a hospital", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "vnwyw", "comment_id": "c56in4u"}, {"question": "Fiance Made Fun of Me", "description": "I have been with my fiance for 10 years now, and we have been engaged for 3 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I have told him about it. I also suffer from bipolar, and anxiety. One day I was reading my fiance's messages and he was making fun of me to his best friend about me having bipolar. It hurt my feelings so bad, to think that I told this person something personal about me and all he did was take it and make it into a laughing matter with someone who didn't even need to know my personal business. It wasn't his right to tell his best friend and it made my depression a whole lot worse. My depression has been getting worse for the last few years, but I put on a smile on my face to show him that I am okay. I can't tell him what is going on, because I know he won't understand. Last year I had a really bad episode to the point that I broke down crying in our bedroom, because of everything that was going on and it hurt that I couldn't tell him. I didn't want him to think of me as being so low, and making fun of me for it. My parents had always told me that I am just doing stuff for attention, so I don't really feel comfortable telling people stuff. He proved to me that I can't even tell him stuff, even though I would love to be able to talk to him about what goes through my head, and how it affects my daily life. I do want to marry my fiance, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to marry me, since we have been engaged for so long. I don't know if it just me thinking that or if it part of my depression. He doesn't understand how my depression causes me to think and feel about certain stuff. It would be nice if he could be more understanding when I am having a bad day, or even just to let me vent to him about stuff. I have tried to see a therapist about what is going on with me, but he made me stop, because he doesn't understand how talking about stuff can help me. Lately I have been feeling like our relationship is more one-sided with me always trying to please him and keep him calm, like I am walking on egg-shells around him. I am afraid to say the one thing to him, because I don't want to make him mad at me. Lately I have been so stressed, and I can't tell him that. How do you tell someone that you are stressed and you need time to yourself when they are so busy with their own stuff? I don't want him to think less of me for being stressed and depressed. Thank you for reading my post.", "answer": "Talk to him about how that makes you feel. It\u2019s never ok for someone to make fun of you, especially someone you plan to marry. And I think it\u2019s super insensitive of your parents to tell you that you\u2019re trying to get attention. Depression is real and it infuriates me when people just dismiss it or mental health in general. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "a1ojhj", "comment_id": "eargpn0"}, {"question": "Mental Health Care in the US is Fucked", "description": "I have been dealing with anxiety for years. Recently, it has become debilitating and affects my daily life. I can barely eat and every time I think about leaving the house I start to panic. \n\nI've been telling myself I need to get into therapy. And finally after only being able to eat two bites of food and having a terrible panic attack, I decided that was the last straw. I was ready to bite the bullet and find a therapist. \n\nAfter a few phone calls I came to find that the majority of counselors in my city are not accepting new patients, or don't take my insurance. So after a 30 minute hold I finally got to speak to my insurance agent who told me there is ONE FUCKING PROVIDER covered in my city.\n \nAll of my insurance company in a major US city is covered by one lady!? Her voicemail told me she was not accepting new patients either (of course). Then I thought... \"Fuck it. My mental health is important, I'll go out of network and pay out the ass.\" So I start googling away.\n\nI have called 15 numbers. I kid you not, 15 numbers. I have not spoken to a single human. And 10 of those voicemails told me they were not accepting new patients. \nAnd this is all while trying to deal with anxiety--which makes even the thought of making all these calls terrifying as it is!\n\nHow does anyone do this!? I'm trying to keep afloat and I'm barely treading water.", "answer": "I'm sorry for my profession, but know that these counselors and therapists are not trying to avoid you but are overwhelmed. We take on as much as we can to the point where we struggle to find time to care for ourselves. \n\nI hope that you can find someone who is available. Also be weary of eTherapy.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fkegs", "comment_id": "d29lcu9"}, {"question": "Claims in \"I Never Promised You a Rose Garden\"", "description": "For those of you who have read this auto-biographical book, the author (Joanne Greenberg) claims that her Schizophrenia was (not necessarily cured) but brought under full control by years of intensive therapy while institutionalized. I have since seen interviews where Greenberg is adamant that she has never taken medication and believes that most schizophrenics could live stable lives if they participated in years of intensive therapy as she did. I found her assertion troublesome for obvious reasons. I'd like to get others thoughts on this- has anyone tried her method and found it successful? I had the thought while reading the book that she may have not been properly diagnosed given the era, but in modern interviews she still identities as schizophrenic. Also, what did people think generally of her descriptions of her hallucinations and cognitive issues? Did you feel like you could relate or did it feel totally off base? ", "answer": "I think something that is important to keep in mind is that what the term \"Schizophrenia\" meant in the 1950s and 1960s is fairly different from what Schizophrenia means now. Back then it was a pretty vague diagnosis. \n\nIt is likely that she doesn't necessarily have what we understand now as Schizophrenia, but perhaps a severe form of depression (which can sometimes include psychotic symptoms). This might explain why she recovered without the use of medication. ", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "3gxuh9", "comment_id": "cu4b8hk"}, {"question": "The different levels of Nofap masters", "description": "Beginner - Day 1 to 7\n\nWarrior - Day 7 to 14\n\nSuicidal Maniac - Day 14 to 21\n\nRefugee - Day 21 to 30\n\nYoung monk - Day 30 to 45\n\nMonk - Day 45 to 60\n\nThe Wise Grandpa - Day 60 to 70\n\nVeteran - Day 70 to 80\n\nLegendary Veteran - Day 80 to 90\n\nThe Crippled Hero - Day 90 to 100\n\nThe Forgotten Hero - Day 100 to 120\n\nKing - Day 120 to 150\n\nDemigod - Day 150 to 180\n\nLazarus - Day 180 to 210\n\nChild of the Earth - Day 210 to 260\n\nFather of the Earth - Day 260 to 300\n\nThe Broken One - Day 300 - 330\n\nThe Monster - Day 330 to 360\n\n*The Master* - Day 360 +", "answer": "Bookmarked and saved. Will come back to this once I hit \"Wise Grandpa\"", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "8ahh4u", "comment_id": "dwzln8m"}, {"question": "Hi SW, I'd like to ask you all a favor...", "description": "I'll write more later, but I feel that suicide is inevitable for me.\n\nThis website has been a blessing to me and I'd like to ask you all one favor: just in case something were to happen to me, could you all send my mother some stuff via the mail. I'll provide here address when the time finally comes.\n\nI can't live with myself anymore and I'd really appreciate it... I'll be sure to write her a note (and hopefully my other family). I'm just so broken and I can't escape the hopelessness. I don't think I can fight it anymore.\n\nI'll write more in the comments later... \n\nEDIT: ", "answer": "I'm sure your mother would rather have her child than mail from strangers. You said you are hopeless, and yet you are here posting, so there is a fighting part of you-even if you don't recognize it. You seem like a really caring person since you are so worried about your mother. There's a lot of people here (myself included) who would be glad to talk to you. Please tell us more about yourself. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "de16q", "comment_id": "c0zircx"}, {"question": "Help please! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?", "description": "Help! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?\n\nMy husband was admitted involuntarily 3 days ago in a NSW hospital due to bipolar manic episode. I've attempted to see him twice yesterday, both times they wouldn't let me in because \"the ward was unstable. \" they said it was HIM disrupting and being violent. He wasn't violent before he went in. When I asked the nurse if this is a reaction to new meds, she said NO and practically kicked me out of the centre. On the phone he told me they've slammed his head on the floor etc. Now I feel like he's being abused in there, they refuse to let me see him, I feel like they're hiding something. Wtf do I do??\n", "answer": "While I've never been to Australia, I used to be a therapist at a psych hospital. Mania is really unpredictable, which is why it is dangerous (especially for the manic person). I've seen normally docile people become very aggressive when manic.\n\nIn the USA at least, the hospital can't share details with you unless the patient explicitly agrees to it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2flbz1", "comment_id": "ckabv6j"}, {"question": "What mechanisms are there to measure whether or not a client's mental well being is improving?", "description": "I think right now, there's no standard mechanisms to determine if a client's mental well being is improving in therapy\n\nI had a thought of introducing a mechanism where a client fills a questionnaire ever couple of sessions to determine if the client is making progress.\n\nThis questionnaire would be similar to the depression questionaires(how much pleasure the client gets from doing things, how often the client feels depressed, etc)\n\nThis is actually similar to personal training as well where you keep track of fats, carbs, muscle gain, etc \n\nThe client and therapist could review this questionaire every couple of weeks to evaluate progress and brainstorm ways to improve", "answer": "This is very common. The measure depends on the presenting problem. In the past , I used the Beck inventories .\n\nSome therapists do this at every session . I think 12 weeks is a good amount of time. There has been research that shows that people generally improve 50% over 3 months of therapy . Doing it too soon can frustrate a client who is not making progress .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fu2yj3", "comment_id": "fmbim3e"}, {"question": "alcoholism is a disease?", "description": "Funny comedian Mitch Hedburg once joked...alcoholism is the only disease u get yelled at for...I am having trouble understanding the disease model of alcoholism that aa suggests. If it truly is a disease, then shouldnt folks feel sympathy for all the drunks and druggies?...seems to me that the disease model of alcoholism allows folks for a crutch to fall back on.....\"its not my fault, I have a disease\"....I think that I prefer the notion that I, personally, suck at drinking.....and...its my responsibility to stay sober to help myself and be a better part of society....Is drinking a choice?...If I have a disease, do I have a choice?", "answer": "It is classified as a disease by the AMA. The reason people don't pity alcoholics is due to several reasons, one being ignorance, another being the stigma around alcoholics and addicts, and the fact that the disease is one of self-infliction. The disease model which has existed for centuries starting with Benjamin Rush, is the most prevalent model in existence today, the reason behind that is evidence. Why do some people reacting so strangely to alcohol? Why can't they stop? Why do they continue in the face of negative consequences? The simple fact of the matter is this is a disease. It's not a crutch, it is an increasingly researched disease that we learn more and more about every year.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1n6hqr", "comment_id": "ccfvbao"}, {"question": "Should I see a different therapist?", "description": "Last Friday, the kids were home and I have a nasty temper, coupled with depression from not having a job and from BPD. I was alone with the three of them and one of them was fighting with the other. I sent the misbehaving one to her room. I was pretty triggered all day with a headache that wouldn't go away. Suddenly I hear loud banging and flip out. I do something to her that I'm not sure if I should admit to on reddit. I start self harming (hitting my head). Eventually I call my therapist. I tell her everything. Her first words: Do I need to call CPS? I just about lost it. What she said was very invalidating and I think could've made the situation worse. Furthermore, CPS isn't like 911 where they immediately diffuse the situation. My therapist made a mistake. Should I make her own up to it? Should I see a therapist who's less about tough love and more validating?", "answer": "Therapist here. We are LEGALLY bound to report any instance of suspected/potential child abuse or neglect. Her delivery was off and she could have brought up the issue about her legal obligation to report such things in a very different way. It would have been better if she helped you through the crisis FIRST, then discussed the CPS reporting afterwards. She can't be validating towards actions that are unhealthy for you and your children, but she should been validating that you were in distress and your feelings, so I wouldn't say this is a case of tough love in that sense.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bsl1ji", "comment_id": "eooxjtn"}, {"question": "Question about Quetiapine (Seroquel)", "description": "So my friend is diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She is a 25 year old from Poland. About 1.75 meters, 110 pounds.\n\nShe is prescribed Quetiapine, which she has to take every day.\nHer doctor in Poland told her about a Quetiapine pill that the person doesn't have to take every day but weekly or even monthly. He also said that these pills aren't available in Poland. \n\nSo I've been looking for these kind of pills online but have failed to find anything relevant. \n\nDoes anybody have some information regarding Quetiapine in weekly or monthly doses?\n\n\n", "answer": "There arent long acting oral medication - but there are long acting injections that are given from weekly to monthly (depending on the drug). Quetiapine isnt one of them, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wqgqx", "comment_id": "dma7kn4"}, {"question": "Do online therapy companies use EMRs? If not do they need to keep patient info?", "description": "Curious about how online therapy like talkspace goes through with this process.", "answer": "I have never used talk space, but state laws require that charts be kept.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3iln", "comment_id": "fxfi6fi"}, {"question": "I feel like I am watching myself slowly suffocate and die, and I don't know if I care.", "description": "I am a musician, and I own/operate a small clothing line. I've dealt with my share of demons my entire life, and lately I've become so indifferent to my passions, and my hopes for a better life. I'm at a point where I won't even bother taking risks for the things I love. Instead, I just watch them fall apart and burn. \n\nI've been working on getting back into music for the past year or so, but over the past two months I've been so complacent. My clothing line is suffering from lack of motivation to keep up on social media, and my friendships are falling apart. \n\nI'm working two full time jobs trying to pay off my car/student loans/credit cards in about 18 months, hoping financial freedom will help me, but I'm starting to not care about that either. \n\nI'm not sure what to do to get back on track. As a musician I had a lot of opportunities, and loved every minute I was on stage. My clothing line gave me the chance to meet people from all of the country and hang out with bands I admired, and my biggest desire was to be debt free and slow life down a little for my passions. Now I just want to exist on the couch. ", "answer": "It sounds like you may have depression. It's not permanent, and easily treatable. I'd speak to your doctor about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6s4ix9", "comment_id": "dla8isd"}, {"question": "How do I (18F) find a Therapist? Is all therapy crazy expensive?", "description": "It's summer. And that means I can't take advantage of the free therapy sessions provided by my university. I've already called a few businesses in my city, some were only offered for children, others only for veterans, etc. What's the best way to search for a Therapist? Yellow pages? Google? Should I be expecting to pay $100/hour for my sessions? Any and all help is appreciated, thank you all. ", "answer": "If you have health insurance, you can go to your carrier's website and there should be an option for you to look up providers in your area covered by your insurance.\n\nYou might also consider calling whichever university department runs the clinic ( most universities don't shut down 100% during summer) and ask them for local resources.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1g01tl", "comment_id": "cafhhvu"}, {"question": "Just relapsed...", "description": "I have always gone to extremes with obtaining alcohol, and this was one of them. My parents have a locked up refrigerator where they keep their alcohol (this has worked pretty well) but today I was home alone, and found a way to break into that fridge and get some of the alcohol. I didnt want to but somehow the craving was a lot stronger than normal. And I had the equivalent of a glass of wine and a few shots. (Because I knew she would notice if I took more). This actually the third day that Ive been craving, but I completely gave in and found a way to get to the alcohol\n\nI know that I cannot drink the alcohol in the fridge anymore because it will become noticeable, but in the mean time can anyone give me suggestions for curbing the cravings?? Ive tried tea, but need other suggestions!\n", "answer": "Post about that craving or talk to another alcoholic when it comes. That'll save you from making posts like this. Three days is a long time to stew on a craving.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1i1862", "comment_id": "cb04wx5"}, {"question": "Why does mental pain push us to kill ourselves but physical illnesses pushes us to survive?", "description": "When you get cancer or some dangerous illness all you want to do is survive and live life.\n\n\nWhen you get depression all you want to do is end yourself. What\u2019s wrong with a depressed mind? What happened to survival insticts?", "answer": "That's the thing, as they say, depression is anger turned towards the self. When you hate yourself, guess what you'd like to do to yourself..", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a68yje", "comment_id": "ebt1ict"}, {"question": "How do I find the ICD code for a CPT", "description": "I know this is probably an annoying question.\n\nI am 36/M/240/6'2\".\n\nI went to my doctor a month ago asking for my vitamin B and folate levels to be tested because I didn't want to continue taking a multi-vitamin indefinitely after reading more into the risks/benefits, but I am a vegetarian and my psychiatrist previously told me I had equivocal MTHFR results that might make me not process folic acid correctly.\n\nI had a list of tests I asked for:\n\nRBC and serum folate,\n\nRBC magnesium,\n\nHomocysteine,\n\nmethylmalonic acid,\n\nholotranscobalamin\n\nHe said he would think about it and get back to me (he said OK to regular B12 and magnesium\u2014but even that took him about a half hour to write out, searching on his computer). \n\n\nHe thought about it and has told me it is my \"homework\" to find the ICD codes that would support each test. He said it's a pain in the ass to do. I don't think he's doing this to make a point. I really think he thinks I can do this. He seems to think I'm very good with computers (which maybe I am compared to him . . .) This seems to kind of be an ongoing thing. Recently he sent in a script for me to my pharmacy that had no diagnosis code on it. And the same thing happened with a pre-auth for a med he sent to my insurance company. I don't think he has enough support staff.\n\nI am usually good at finding info (I can find the CPT codes), but I am having trouble with the ICD codes.\n\nIs all this behind a paywall? I've been searching Medicare, CMS, and other sites, including my own insurance company's site, and I've found sites that \\*look\\* like they could help me, but they require subscriptions that cost thousands of dollars.", "answer": "Welcome to the stupidest part of medicine. I think you want [E53.8](https://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/E00-E89/E50-E64/E53-/E53.8), and that's the site I'd use to find ICD10 codes.\n\nHowever, before you go down the testing road, I have some concerns. As far as I know, MTHFR testing is largely not validated, but it's aggressively used by pseudo-medical quacks. If you aren't B12 deficient, you aren't B12 deficient and don't need to go down the rabbit hole.\n\nYou could get all of these labs, but in the absence of symptoms of B12 deficiency even testing B12 is of debatable value. The rest to me looks very questionable. As long as you're a vegetarian but not vegan and eat enough animal products, or have been taking B12 supplements, there's no immediate reason to assume deficiency.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m9hu9", "comment_id": "e7d15wp"}, {"question": "How do you form and maintain friendships? [F21]", "description": "I've gotten more and more aware of the fact that I am practically friend-less. I do have many acquaintances, mostly through college as well as from high school, but I have found that even those I used to consider my best friends have grown (or shrunk down) to only be acquaintances to me.\n\nHowever, I am desperate for some serious profound relationships in my life. I don't know whether I am just incapable of forming relationships in general or whether I'm someone people don't want to be friends with.\nThe fact that I've been single since forever doesn't really help my mindset. Despite this mindset, I'm not a depressed person or generally someone dragging others down. I have been told before that my attitude towards life has changed people's day for the better.\n\nSo here's my question and at the same time TL;DR\n\nHow to you get from being acquaintances to friends and ultimately best friends; and how do you maintain these relationships?", "answer": "you increase contact and depth of conversation over time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jmsf", "comment_id": "dgqyjtv"}, {"question": "Sudden mood drop", "description": "Hi, so this morning I woke up and I was feeling a little sad for what I think was no reason (since nothing had happened for me to feel that way). After an hour or so, I started feeling better and went on with my day as normal. I went to school, did what I had to do, laughed and smiled- Even had a class where we all legitimately got curled up in a corner and fell asleep for a full hour (We're a small class, all very united- Like family. And yes, high school, just to point out.). Anyway, after school... I got home, and suddenly I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt lonely. I felt unwilling. Out of nowhere! I am still currently feeling this way- And I still don't know why. Could this be a problem? Bipolar disorder? Depression? Anything related or unrelated? Thank you, for any help.", "answer": "Not going to offer any diagnoses, but from the brief snippet of your day today, I am feel confident that you are not manifesting the traditional symptoms of bipolar disorder. We all have random and sometimes indescribable changes in our moods. Sometimes they last for an hour or two, possibly all day. We can definitely wake up in the morning in a funk, but as the day goes on, things start to get better and our moods lighten. This does not mean we are suffering from a mental illness, it means we are human. \n\nPeople who suffer from bipolar disorder experience episodes of depression and mania (at least for bipolar 1). These states exist on polar opposite ends of the spectrum from each other, hence the name bipolar. In such a small, close, family-like class, I suspect someone would quickly become aware if you began to manifest these symptoms. \n\nAlso, feeling uncomfortable emotions doesn't mean that we are sick or there's a problem. High school isn't exactly the best place to be, IMHO, so I would reflect on which feelings may be accurate and normal versus those that are wayyyy out of your character. If, one day, you come home to find your sister drank your last soda and you threw her tv out the window, that's something you probably want to mention. Try writing your feelings out in a journal, then ripping it up and throwing them away if you don't want them around. That can be a very therapeutic activity. Typing or writing, just get it out. The actual act of talking and knowing someone is hearing your words is also therapeutic, even if the person listening doesn't say much. Give yourself a hug and, as hard as this may sound, try not to be hard on yourself if you're feeling down. Get some good sleep, eat a healthy meal, and take some personal time out for yourself, if you can.\n\nI hope you feel better. :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5o0uz", "comment_id": "eboj8dm"}, {"question": "[20/m] I want to break up with my girlfriend [21/F] but don't know when due to her depression", "description": "To put it really simple she has depression, and even though she won't admit it. It feels like she relies on me for her stability. I don't know when or how I should end it but I need to because I am getting more unhappy with each day it continues. Any incite would be appreciated", "answer": "if you decide it's not for you, make sure she has lots of support when you end it. encourage her to see a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wef8x", "comment_id": "de9fw0x"}, {"question": "Confused", "description": "Hey everyone I am in need of some serious advise. I am the mother of a 5 year old girl, and I split custody of her with my ex. \n\nI met someone about 3 months ago that I have been seeing on a regular basis. I am 39 and she is 35. My daughter has interacted with her short term twice now. \n\nHere is the issue. The girl I am seeing told me she is not really a kid person. She's been in past relationships with ppl who have had kids and she said she resented them bc the parent was always trying to force her to be a parent. \n\nWhen I asked her why she doesn't like kids she said bc she likes her freedom to come and go as she pleases. So far, it's been easy for her and I to date because we see each other on the days my child is not with me.\n\nI broke up with her about a month ago bc I felt that I needed to date someone who accepts the fact that I have a kid. A few days later she came back to me pleading for us to be together and telling me she really wants to try with me and my kid.\n\nOver Christmas, she called and asked me if she can come over and make cookies with my daughter and she did. \n\nNow, she has a 4 year old niece whom she simply adores and loves, and showers with affection. \n\nWe had a discussion the other day about a possible serious relationship and future together. She said she hadn't decided yet if that's something she wants....and to be honest I feel the same for the obvious reason.\n\nAnyone have a similar experience? Thougts and advise please!", "answer": "you just have to keep talking. she has to REALLY know if she can be a committed step-parent or it won't work. i would minimize her contact with your child until this issue is resolved. you don't want your daughter to get attached to someone who disappears.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lzbn0", "comment_id": "dbzkf3p"}, {"question": "I'm [22/F] really confused about a simple problem I'm having with my boyfriend [25/M]: he never asks me to go anywhere with him and if i ask him out somewhere he is ALWAYS busy", "description": "LONG STORY\nI met my boyfriend at work and we hit it off almost immediately. He has a good job, just got his own place and his own vehicle, and really seems like he has it all together. I felt a spark with him I'd never felt before, and i was sure this was going to be the solid relationship I was looking for. But we have one major problem. Anytime I ask him to do anything with me, he will cancel last minute saying that he is busy with something. And I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME. Last week I actually broke up with him for a day because he agreed to come to my mom's house to come swimming with me but I never received another text from him until late that night when i was headed home. He didn't even give me a reason that time, he just left me by myself and to me that was inexcusable. The next day I met him to receive some of my stuff and he apologized and admitted what he did was wrong so I gave him another chance, even though i was still angry when i learned that he didn't come because he was weed eating his yard. WTH??? Well, this Memorial Day, I figured we were going to finally be able to do something together because he was off work. When i asked him if we could see each other, he said that he was busy cooking with his landlord's family and he couldn't come over to my house because his car was blocked in. I called him, very hurt and confused as to why this was happening for the fifteenth time in a row. Frustrated, i told him that he needed to plan for a day just for the two of us and to tell everyone else that he already has plans for that day because i was so tired of him cancelling every single time in a two month period. He got angry about that, saying that i sounded just like his narcissistic parents and I was demanding too much of him, and pretty much said he needed a break for about two days. I don't get it. It feels like we've already been on a break for the past two months. He does visit me at work sometimes, and when we are together everything is great but this is so ridiculous! It's so frustrating because it's a simple solution to a simple problem. I've done everything from giving him gas money and surprising him with a heating pad when he was complaining about his back pain to always being there when he needs to talk about something. I've done everything i possibly can to resolve this issue but I don't know what else to do. I love him and he's a good man, i just don't know where to go from here. This is really damaging our relationship. Please, advice anyone??? ", "answer": "i wouldn't call him a bf.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6edhu1", "comment_id": "di9puaw"}, {"question": "I'm sick of being told to see a therapist", "description": "I'm not going to go into every detail about my situation, but suffice to say I've been dealing with crippling anxiety at the state of the world (especially climate change), and a general sense of depression and malaise for about four years now. It's been compounded by the impact it's had on my career, which is much less secure now than it was when this thing started, and my social circle, which has shrunk.\n\nOne thing that drives me more nuts than anything else, though, is when I bring this up to someone and all they do is tell me to see a therapist. Firstly, therapists cost $150 per hour where I live. Completely out of reach. Secondly, I already tried going to a therapist on two separate occasions. Both recommended the same useless overpriced mindfulness app, and neither were any help whatsoever. Thirdly, I'm not convinced that any of my problems, which are all connected to circumstances in the world around me, can be solved by sitting on a couch for an hour a week and talking.\n\nI just wish people would be willing to actually talk to me about what I'm going through. A bit of empathy and commiseration would go a long way. Instead friends and family alike just tell me to go pay a fortune to a stranger and talk to them instead.", "answer": "Sounds like your friends and family haven't been very supportive or there's been a communication issue there.\n\nI work as a therapist, and I do agree that in a lot of places mental health services can be prohibitively expensive. That's something we are continuing to try and work on to improve access.\n\nIn the meantime, it might be helpful, if you want to attempt to see someone again, to go through a local behavioral health facility or through a community initiative, like the [Open Path Collective](https://openpathcollective.org/), that can help you get services in your local area cheaply. NAMI also sometimes offers free support groups that can provide a sense of community and let you vent a bit.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dm0eay", "comment_id": "f4wivko"}, {"question": "Struggling with social skills and stress.Any advice", "description": "I am a single eighteen year old.\nJobless, flatting and studying at university.\nWeekday daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning going to university for couple hours. See friends for a couple of hours, go home watch TV, play Xbox or games on my laptop then fall asleep listening to music. Weekend daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning, watching movies, TV or playing Xbox or games on my laptop until evening where I will drink with friends and go out. \nFeeling very depressed recently and am not happy with my current lifestyle. \nI am boring. I am very self-conscious. No interests or hobbies I can relate to others with. I feel useless and sick of wasting my time. \nI am sick of being single. However I\u2019m so shy it\u2019s hard for me to meet new girls. I only feel comfortable with people after knowing them for a while and that\u2019s no good at a club. The only way I get a bit of confidence is when I drink. I can actually hold a conversation with new people I meet, when normally when I\u2019m sober I will struggle to hold a conversation. But I still won\u2019t have enough confidence to approach a girl. Even when I somehow manage to get with a girl once I\u2019ve sobered up I go back into my shell. I actually think my drinking\u2019s becoming a problem recently since I don\u2019t seem to be able to have fun at a pub or club unless I am drinking. It seems like i need it to have fun.\nI am not a very good people\u2019s person. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough around new people, until then I\u2019m socially awkward. I hate feeling this way and is a reason i don't look forward to working. I don\u2019t want to be forced to be in situations where I feel awkward for ages with co-workers or customers. It is also very hard to get a job for me without knowing people with my lack of job experience.\nI am quite short, only about 5\u201d7 possibly, and quite scrawny. Scared of being in a fight or hit. However I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that bad looking either. I have bad acne on my back and shoulders which I am very self-confident about though. I hate being short, having tiny arms and acne.\nI have wanted to take up boxing, to get over my fear of fighting and hopefully build self-confidence. Combined with exercise at the gym. I am currently too broke to do these and my lack of self-confidence makes me really out of place going to places like these, i won't know what im doing and usually too shy to ask for help. Plus my friends arent into gyms or boxing. I have also wanted to learn guitar and relearn the piano, but without both these instruments I cannot do this. I want something I am able to invest my time in and take my mind off life.\nI don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to friends about how bad I\u2019ve been feeling lately, especially after a mate recently announced to people he\u2019s depressed. I don\u2019t want to put my problems on friends and the few friends I am close enough to tell I don\u2019t see often since I\u2019m an hour away. It just seems to get more stressful for me the longer it goes on.\nI guess I want advice hopefully, possibly from people who have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. \n", "answer": "Thanks for sharing :) A few thoughts for you\n\n1) You should consider seeing a counselor. If you were sick you would go to a doctor, so if you are depressed you should see a therapist. They will help you with your depression and also with your confidence issues.\n2) It sounds like you are putting too much importance on finding a girl. Girls are nice but are not the only nice thing in life, and if you are fixated on meeting a girl then you will feel bad until that happens (which may not be for awhile). Find goals outside of meeting a girl and focus on them.\n3) You need to branch out and start adding new things to your life. Join a club, take a class in something you're interested in, go to a meetup event, visit a church, visit a museum, volunteer somewhere -- basically, do something that is outside of your routine where you will have the chance to learn and grow. Make a goal of doing one thing you've never done before, every week. Money may be an issue in some cases, but there are lots of free or low cost opportunities out there, and many places that charge will offer low-cost or free opportunities to students and people without much money (just ask!)\n4) Start running twenty minutes a day (or doing twenty minutes a day of some other kind of exercise.) If your body is not healthy then your emotions will not be healthy either. You're not trying to turn into Hercules or anything -- you just want to be in ok shape and get your blood flowing.\n5) Consider telling some of your friends about how you're feeling. If they are close friends and they care about you, hopefully they will respond with empathy and kindness. You should especially do this if the depression gets worse and you start considering harming yourself.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1guqxt", "comment_id": "cap95cx"}, {"question": "General questions about neuropsychological testing", "description": "I recently learned of psychoneurological testing and I find it interesting. While I do have memory complaints, I'm a fully-functional adult with no serious issues. However, I'd like to undergo a psychoneurological test for fun/curiosity's sake. Is there a publicly-available test that I could have a friend perform on me? Is this something that only a medical professional can perform? If it really should be done by a medical professional, is it really expensive (I assume insurance won't pay for it b/c it is not necessary) or something that I could find a physician doing on the side? If so, how would I go about finding a reputable physician to do such testing?\n \nAnything else that I should know?\n \nThanks!", "answer": "Most neurocognitive testing is mainly related to dementia. You definitely dont have this. If you do want to amuse yourself, you could Google \"Addenbrookes Cognitive Examination\" and find a copy online.\n\nYou might not want to practice too hard though - if you are unfortunate to have cognitive decline, you might overperform in tests and be misdiagnosed!\n\nCant comment on neurocognitive fees - its free in the UK.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y05ya", "comment_id": "d6k2ztp"}, {"question": "how do I talk to people", "description": "I can only talk to someone if they have something I need. whether I need to borrow something, or ask them a question. \n\nI can't just strike up a random conversation with a stranger. And there is no way in hell I can make a friend from that. \n\nI just freeze up and stutter and just look like a fool. ", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is basically exactly what you're looking for. Good luck, and don't forget to practice! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13x0hg", "comment_id": "c782s94"}, {"question": "Wtf do I do", "description": "So I'm a 16 yo guy and I am the worst at relationships with girls. I swear. I have still not kissed a girl and the longest I've been in a relationship with one is 7months. Over the past 2 months I've spoken to girls over social media and they seem interested but I can never muster up the strength to ask them out. I am very awkward when it comes to public interaction and I am also very socially anxious. I spent most of my time inside and cannot get any girls to go out anywhere with me. I literally spent 50 days on social media with a girl and she turns out to be bi and decided to like a girl. I asked her out and she took it as a joke and blew it off. I spent time talking to another girl who is attractive and seriously cute. I try to get a streak with her which lasted 36 days before she blocked me. I really don't know what to do. I know I may be young but it's getting to the point where I am just getting pissed off. I have 0 confidence as it stands so this doesn't help. What do I do? ", "answer": "find an adult you trust to talk to; even a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ri5t9", "comment_id": "dd7j0xc"}, {"question": "Heads been feeling weird for about 3 months. Now prescribed lexapro?", "description": "So long post but bear with me please. 26 Hisapnic Male 6 feet 220 lb\n\n At the start of November I was playing basketball (i play about 3 times a week for years) and felt a weird feeling in my head that's difficult to explain. Not quite dizzy but just not right along with what felt like an elevated hear rate. I went home, rested and fell asleep. \n\nI woke up ok the next morning and went to work but soon headed to urgent care because the feeling in my head started again and I got cold and sweaty. Had an ekg done bp was fine and so was my glucose level so i got sent home as I soon felt better. That night i had to go to the er because i woke up to what I can only describe as strong waves of that head feeling and i lost sensation on some of my face and arm and i felt like i couldn't swallow anything. Got a ct done on my chest to check for blood clots had blood work ran and once again everything seemed fine and i felt better after a couple hours. \n\n I was told to follow up with my gp and take it from there. So My gp immediately thought they were panic attacks and prescribed me xanax to take at night. I took time off work for 2 weeks because of this but the rest and xanax were not really helping at all (except for sleeping good throughout the night because of the xanax). I would randomly have that feeling in my head throughout the ongoing week and it would just wreck me. I would hug pillows and just close my eyes hoping it would go away. My gp than referred me to a neurologist to get his opinion and he ordered a ct of my head done and took me off of the xanax as he said he didnt think i needed it, and once again everything came out fine with the ct. \n \n\n Over that time I started feeling better but would still get that sensation in my head although not as strong (although now accompanied by tiny headaches on my temple). My gp than put me on 10 mg of propranolol to try out and I basically took that for a month and a half and honestly I don't feel like it made a difference. \n \n Now its January and i'm tired of feeling like this and in this latest followup with my gp he says he thinks its anxiety/depression and prescribed me 10 mg lexapro but i dont feel like I'm depressed or anxious? I'm honestly hesitant on taking the lexapro but I'm willing to give it a shot as i'm just fed up with not feeling normal.\n\nI'm just wondering if it's normal to be prescribed lexapro for something like this?\n\n", "answer": "I think it reflects the fact that it's not clear what's going on. Escitalopram is a reasonable choice of drug to manage your reported symptoms, but id certainly keep an open mind about what is actually going on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p0tso", "comment_id": "dcppvc3"}, {"question": "I am 20 years old and getting an abortion next Wednesday. I am terrified. mmfb. ", "description": "I (20) am 6 weeks pregnant. The father (21) of the embryo wants me to abort for the sake of our futures. I was going to keep it. I love it's father and every time I think about this little thing growing inside of me and what it would be like if I kept it. I imagine it looking just like him with beautiful blond hair and smart little hazel eyes. I was going to keep the baby but instead I am going to kill it. To \"nip it in the bud\". I feel so incredibly conflicted. I think of the children I will have some day and I think of how much better off they will be with a mom who has a good job and has saved money for them. I'm afraid though and I don't know what to do or how to cope with this abortion I know I need but god I don't want it. Not to mention there are TONS of pregnant people that I have to be around all the time. I don't know what to do, I feel so weak.", "answer": "I am so sorry that so many people invaded this thread with the express intention of making you feel guilty. \n\nIt's important for you to remember that it is your body and your choice. Your boyfriend doesn't get to decide. Random people on the internet don't get to decide. You get to decide. \n\nNo matter what you choose, you are not a bad person. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. ", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "16sr3d", "comment_id": "c80j1ca"}, {"question": "Lexapro to 5 htp", "description": "I'm a 27 year old female, 168 lbs, been on Lexapro for twelve years for depression (20 mg). I really want to get off of the Lexapro and do the 5 htp. Should I taper off the Lexapro and once I'm off of it start 5 htp? Stop taking Lexapro and start taking 5 htp? I do plan on asking my doctor about this just wanted some input on the switch. ", "answer": "There\u2019s missing information here. Why do you want to do this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ayr53w", "comment_id": "ei2rptz"}, {"question": "Can i ask my doctor for a therapist", "description": "Im 14F and i\u2019ve been hiding my dark thoughts from everyone and need to ask for help before i do something bad. \n\nI need to know how to ask my doctor for a therapist, i can\u2019t ask my parents because they are nurses and \u201cknow when someones faking it\u201d \n\nWhat should i do about this? What should i ask my doctor?", "answer": "Depends where you live. You could also seek support from school too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d9uyad", "comment_id": "f1ltdwo"}, {"question": "Question for people with anxiety what do you guys like about it if anything?", "description": "I am doing a project and was curious about what you guys love and hate about having anxiety?", "answer": "I don't particularly like anything about social anxiety, with the exception that I'm also a bit of a thrill seeker. Performing music live sends me to a near panic attack, but I roll with it, get into a flow state, and it's one of the best natural highs I've been able to experience. \n\n\nGeneral anxiety while never feels good is what motivates me get done the things I need or want to get done but generally don't feel like doing. The only way to relieve the anxiety caused over unfinished business is to finish it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9f92zn", "comment_id": "e5uqbca"}, {"question": "How harmful is 4-6 drinks each weekend night? 12 max in a week?", "description": "I\u2019m a male, 24 years old, 185lbs, 6 feet tall \n\nNo drug use and no medical conditions\n\nIn college I used to drink quite a bit, well way more than I know is good for me. Towards the end I was drinking 5 nights a week 4-6 drinks. Usually beers. Yeah, I\u2019m not gonna lie it was fun, but horrible for me. I didn\u2019t experience any adverse symptoms but I know I did t wanna live that lifestyle for ever. \n\nOver the last year since graduating, I\u2019ve cut way back 10-12 max in a week. I no longer drink on weekdays. \n\n**BUT** \n\nOn nearly every weekend (Friday and Saturday) I drink 4-6 drinks. Occasionally just 2-3 but, 5 is my sweet spot. \n\nJust to paint a picture, all my physicals are good, blood tests good, I workout daily, eat relatively healthy. (I love getting drunk and eating pizza/burger/ice cream - my favorite past time). I\u2019ve got a 6 pack, a real one from lifting and dieting. I work out about 10x a week, lifting daily, and cardio 3-4 times a week after work for a half hour. I don\u2019t smoke, or do any drugs. Not trying to justify drinking that level I consume, but trying to give an accurate representation of my health and sorta point out that in my opinion it\u2019s really the only bad thing I do to my body. \n\nBrings me to my question, just HOW bad is this? So bad I should stop this behavior at immediately?", "answer": "Drinking more than three drinks a day is not recommended, and significant alcohol consumption is linked to a wide variety of health risks. There\u2019s no clear safe maximum; more is worse, and more at once is riskier than some spread out over more time. \n\nThe healthiest option is not to drink. Most people don\u2019t live their lives for optimized health. Still, not binge drinking is better for you. Lower risk of cancer, probably heart disease, and definitely accident while intoxicated.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dfakby", "comment_id": "f321ax1"}, {"question": "Question about CBD treatment for anxiety", "description": "Hi there,\n\n&#x200B;\n\nNot looking to be diagnosed necessarily. My doctor recently (about 1 year ago) prescribed Sertraline to me for general anxiety. After giving it an honest try, I've decided I hate it. The more I read about anti-anxiety/depression/SSRI's, the less interested I am in being on one.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm wondering if anybody has had experience treating anxiety through the use of CBD or supplementing a pharmaceutical with CBD to make it more effective? I've taken CBD before but not for the express use of helping with stress and anxiousness-- usually just infused in a gummy in conjunction with THC.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you in advance for any and all input. Because I know it may be thrown out there: no I will not stop smoking pot. Yes I know it can contribute to anxiety. But the anxiety stems predominantly from what my doctor has referred to as global PTSD as a result of some shitty things I won't make you read about.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAbout me:\n\nFemale\n\n26 YO\n\n5'7\n\n140-ish lbs\n\nWhite\n\nCurrently in treatment and seeing a therapist weekly! Progress has been made\n\nHave been on Sertraline for about a year. Would prefer a homeopathic method of care\n\nNot depressed-- not an observation by me, but by both of my doctors\n\nNot on any other medications, save for birth control\n\nNo other medical concerns\n\nSmoke weed, drink, some rec drug use (namely cocaine, mushrooms), but no tobacco\n\nExercise less than I should (I know, I know)", "answer": "The evidence for cannabis overall in anxiety is mixed and complicated, and there is probably a non-linear dose response to CBD but not really enough data to say anything with confidence.\n\nI am always left somewhat baffled by decisions to avoid SSRIs. No, they are not perfect\u2014but they are at least very well studied. The risks are lower and the effectiveness is clearly there compared to going off into the weeds of cannabis and cannabinoids, if you\u2019ll excuse the pun.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "brdhby", "comment_id": "eocuifa"}, {"question": "What do I do if I'm not really good at anything?", "description": "Alright, so I'm feeling a bit depressed right now since I don't really have any skills. I'm not *good* at anything. At least, nothing that I'm likely to actually be able to have a conversation about. But the problem is, these sorts of skills, such as playing music, speaking another language, having a culture, etc. are all things that people tend to more or less start from early childhood. So, like, what am I supposed to do about this? The closest I've come is that I had a stint where I was interested in drawing. Problem was that I just sort of stopped after about 5 years of having not a single drawing really be aesthetically pleasing.\n\nSo again, how does one get good at something that people actually talk about?", "answer": "You're not not good at anything, you just haven't found it.\n\nI'm not bad at leading groups of people, though youd never guess when I were younger.\n\nPeople develop, so will you.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "59yyq7", "comment_id": "d9cm7nk"}, {"question": "[help] Does anyone here have any experience of EMDR?", "description": "Someone suggested that I try it but as its not on the NHS I feel like I need to know more before I pursue it. So anyone? Any experiences or useful nuggets of information?", "answer": "It's essentially exposure therapy and some other tried & true therapeutic techniques with extra (unscientific) stuff tossed in to make it seem fancy. It has some research evidence to show that it works, however it is not for the reason they claim.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1d8spv", "comment_id": "c9o36ky"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Sorry you're going through this. I certainly know how stressful grad school can be. It sounds like you've got an awful lot going on. I'm glad to hear that you're considering cutting down on your work hours. I'm not sure what kind of program you're in, if you'll have to do internships or anything like that, but it would be hard for most people to juggle everything successfully. \n\nIt may be helpful to take some time to prioritize your priorities. You only have so much energy and so much time. You may not be able to take care of everything all at once. \n\nAlways remember that the majority of things in your life that are stressing you out can be changed (albeit with some consequences)\n\nGrad school too much for you right now? Quit or put it off for another time. \n\nYou don't like your job? Find a new one!\n\nNothing feels good? Get out there and try some new things. \n\nI know some of these things sound easier said than done, but honestly that's just your depression talking. There as simple as having a positive thought for one second and acting on it. I generally don't recommend such rash decisions and I'm not recommending you necessarily do these things now, but knowing that you could at any given moment may be helpful in not feeling so trapped. Best of luck!\n\nI a Licensed Professional Counselor working out of Philadelphia, PA, United States. I write a blog that tackles various general issues pertaining to psychology and mental health. Due to some reader's requests, I plan on beginning a Question and Answer segment which I will post either once or twice a month depending on how many questions I receive (along with my weekly general topic posts). \n\nPlease let me know if you would like to participate. Hopefully I will be able to help you and your question will shed some light on an issue that may help others going through something similar!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/ask-web-shrink/)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6woiz8", "comment_id": "dm9nmwy"}, {"question": "How do you push through shame / embarrassment? Super long post...sorry.", "description": "Every time I get a little bit of sobriety under my belt (only a week or so) I find myself with crippling anxiety surrounding things I did when I was drunk. It gets so bad that it almost feels like my brain trying to trick me into drinking. \n\nI\u2019ve done many things while drunk that in retrospect could, and probably should, have had dire consequences. I had a dui. I\u2019ve been so wasted and confused that strangers had to get me home. I\u2019ve blacked out while watching my child. I\u2019ve woken up with a black eye and no idea how it got there (later found out I face planted a toilet), I\u2019ve gotten in a wreck and had police let me go into the custody of my spouse, because (I was told) I was telling them I did it on purpose because I wanted to die. Also many instances of self harm. All of these occurred over a 2-3 year period, when I was finally opening up and trying to work through a good bit of childhood trauma. After therapy, medication, etc...my drinking slowed down substantially but never stopped.\n\nIn the years since that, the drinking disasters have become less jail/death and more social/family disruption. Fighting with my husband. Being drunk in my best friends wedding. Crying to my mom for hours about my dad who passed over 20 years ago. Drunk texting people I hadn\u2019t spoken to in years, for no reason. Blacking out in front of my in-laws and being way too open about emotional/personal things that were inappropriate in the setting. Telling people\u2019s secrets and talking behind people\u2019s backs...which is something I really dislike in a person. Being so blacked out for things that I looked forward to, that I don\u2019t feel like I was even there...and can never get them back. Making plans with friends and then passing out before we could really do it. The list goes on and on. \n\nThe weird thing (I think it\u2019s weird) is that my anxiety centers solely on this second group of behaviors, not the first. I don\u2019t sit around thinking, I could have killed someone, I could have lost my child or my vision, I could be in prison. I think, I bet the other bridesmaids think I\u2019m the worst friend ever, my mother-in-law must hate that her son married me, I wasted my friends time, I don\u2019t deserve these people. \n\nI\u2019ve been very lucky in how much I haven\u2019t lost so far. I still have my family, friends, and career that I started with...though the relationships have changed and shifted. Some for better, some for worse, but they\u2019re all still there. I am very emotional, empathetic, and have a huge fear of \u201closing people.\u201d I have always felt insecure in my relationships and that I inherently am not good enough (that\u2019s a totally different 14 pg post...). While I have done things that are embarrassing and disruptive, the level of shame I carry with me seems totally out of proportion (for the social stuff not the serious stuff).\n\nFor example, My friends wedding was just under a year ago. We had all drank before the ceremony, but I obviously drank the most. I cried throughout the ceremony, (which I always do) but her uncle, who I\u2019ve known for years, picked on me about it. The rest of the night was a blast, we danced / ate / drank. I saw her the next morning and have seen her numerous times since then. She had never once made me feel like she even noticed or cared about the crying. I have had massive anxiety about it for an entire year. I feel like I\u2019ve rewritten the entire day in my head, where I was obnoxious, offensive, embarrassing, sloppy...though ive been assured numerous times I wasnt. I\u2019ve even had myself convinced that I stood in the wrong place, and half believed it until I saw the pictures. Sometimes it\u2019s so bad. I get to the point that I have had to pull over and call my husband sobbing. I went to therapy and she said it\u2019s not about the wedding, it\u2019s something else. \n\nI\u2019m so confused as to why I can\u2019t let go of something like the wedding, but I don\u2019t feel much when I think of the wreck. I know AA says make amends, but I can honestly say I\u2019m not capable of that, at least at this point. The thought of it makes me want lots of vodka. So, is there anything I can do to help move on? I try to get it into perspective by telling myself, \u201cpeople have their own lives. That was just a blip on their radar. Everyone still loves you. You\u2019re the only person still thinking about it.\u201d But it feels like my brain won\u2019t let me move past these things. If I\u2019m not actively engaged in trying to keep from drinking, it doesn\u2019t bother me that much. I can go weeks without thinking of it (even when not really drinking that much), but soon after the day I decide to commit, it\u2019s right back there as powerful as ever.\n\nIs it possible to move on from the past versions of yourself? I feel like I\u2019m too embarrassed and ashamed of that person to move forward as a new person. It feels like being on one of those body swapping movies (think parent trap) only to arrive at your new life and realize your secret clone has left you with a lot of ugly / embarrassing social garbage to clean up, so it would be easier to just return to your British/castle/awesome life...and I normally look in a bottle for that one. ", "answer": "Hi. In brief..... i wonder if you have a broader difficulty with severe anxiety/emotional dysregulation. That experience of getting totally stuck on past events could be a symptom of anxiety. Often ongoing anxiety brings down mood too as it can be so impairing in your daily life. Have you tried any treatment specific to this? Also, for you your identity might be very much focused on relationships and your interpersonal functioning so its natural that events related to these keep your focus and distress you ++, even though you have had even riskier experiences. Just a few thoughts...best wishes and good luck. Iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91hxhu", "comment_id": "e2yiirt"}, {"question": "Visualisation/hypnosis etc anger", "description": "Hi. I've found the above e.g. visualisation/hypnosis exercises usefull for stress etc. Has anyone came across similar for anger? Thanks. Best wishes.", "answer": "Anyone with any ideas on this?", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "93f1un", "comment_id": "e3ejano"}, {"question": "Have any authors written about shyness?", "description": "I've read the book Quiet by Susan Cain and was wanting to know more about the topic of shyness.\n\nI'm not necessarily interesting in a manual about what to do with regards to shyness as much as understanding it more, especially from someone who has studied it under a scientific perspective.", "answer": "Shyness: A Bold New Approach https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060930683/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_a4GGwbXZYBATP\n\n\nHe takes a scientific and psychological approach as well. He also includes some practical information. He spoke at my university when I was an undergrad and I got a lot out of it. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3ylqgo", "comment_id": "cyemo6g"}, {"question": "ADD medication and anxiety - my psychiatrist doesn't want to prescribe me ADD meds.", "description": "I'm currently taking cymbalta and wellbutrin for my anxiety and depression. \n\nI go to a clinic which has high turnover apparently because I've had 3 psychiatrists and the most recent one is leaving and a new one is coming in.\n\nEvery time I bring up my ADD and how many problems it gives me, there are a few specific reasons why they don't want to give it to me:\n\n* ADD meds would just make my anxiety worse.\n* ADD meds don't make much of a difference anyway, it wouldn't be worth it.\n* The wellbutrin should be helping a bit with that.\n\nI mean wellbutrin is great and all but I am CONSTANTLY forgetful, always in a fog, my attention span is NON-EXISTENT.\n\nI browse this sub a lot and when I see people talking about meds making their lives easier, it gives me so much hope. Why am I having such an issue getting help with mine? ", "answer": "I would agree with switching psychiatrists and find one who specializes in ADHD. Sure, some ADHD meds might make you more anxious, but the right one may calm you down if you do in fact have ADHD. If your psychiatrist doesn\u2019t know this, it is a good thing for him to not be prescribing these medications to you because he is undereducated about the diagnosis. You\u2019ll have a better time with a specialist I think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aabvad", "comment_id": "ecqnaqr"}, {"question": "Nightshade vegetables", "description": "Hi ladies, quick question. I have heard that PCOS is an autoimmune condition. With that in mind, now I am actually taking my health seriously, should I be avoiding/reducing my intake of nightshade vegetables? Any advice welcome! ", "answer": "How do you feel after you eat them? Night shades aren\u2019t automatically out for folks with autoimmune issues, but generally are rec to be trialed. This is more about your unique body and how you feel than PCOS in general IMO. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ap7371", "comment_id": "eg7hk8l"}, {"question": "(rant) Psychiatrist dropped me because he \"no longer wants to prescribe controlled substances\"", "description": "I hate this. It feels like despite years of diagnostic and treatment history, it's even odds that a medical professional will look at me and say, \"this one's faking.\"\n\n(I know the psychiatrist never actually said he no longer wants to prescribe *to me*. There's a plausible cognitive reframing: CA did recently ratchet up the bureaucracy connected with prescribing controlled substances, and this psychiatrist isn't very good with technology, so he really might be making an across-the-board policy change. But even if *this* guy isn't doubting me, it's even odds the next one will. The pharmacist will for sure.)\n\nAnd of course, I'm leaving the country for three weeks in a couple of days, so here's to unscheduled medical non-compliance.\n\nUgh.", "answer": "This is patient abandonment if your doctor just stopped seeing you without helping you find a new doctor and didn\u2019t give you any medication to get through until you can see a new doctor. Please contact your state\u2019s medical board to report this. You should also call the doctor and demand that he assist you with some type of transition plan. If he gives you a hard time, just throw in the phrase \u201cpatient abandonment\u201d somewhere in the conversation. I bet he\u2019ll decide it\u2019s in his best interest to help you because patient abandonment is a big no-no.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a5ygb8", "comment_id": "ebqbkif"}, {"question": "Witnessing potential child neglect.", "description": "I live in a compact trailer park in Idaho. Daily there are 4-6 kids from a single trailer ranging in ages from 4-12 maybe, who have no adult supervision throughout all hours of day. The trailer park is a one way in and out loop. When these kids pass by playing I have noticed that when they speak to each other, it sounds like nothing that would pass as intelligible English, when it should be. According to the parents, they are homeschooled, but I have never seen these kids inside of the house during the day. I'm wondering if I should just leave it be, or contact the proper channels. ", "answer": "I suggest contacting your county's social services. Even if nothing comes of it, it will at least be documented. Therefore, down the road if someone else reports neglect it may be taken more seriously. It's also possible that other complaints have already been filed and yours will be the one that gets the kids the help they need! :)\n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "261i9o", "comment_id": "chmuakb"}, {"question": "I recently took nueropsych testing. I am very concerned that something was missed.", "description": "To start with I recently went to a psychologist. I took testing and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was kind of relieved, as I've been terrified that I am developing schizophrenia and long story short, I've been over analyzing every thought and perceived sense to check to see if I am experiencing schizophrenia symptoms. The therapist that tested me said that my reality testing was good after the test.\n\nSo I've been experiencing a symptom (or to be specific, a group of symptoms) since May. This was jump started after I had a series if panic attacks. The symptom(s) I am describing are not constant (thank God), and it usually starts in the afternoon: I feel off, I am not sure how to describe it. Along with this, my eyes physically feel weird, I feel cold at times. My perception seems off as well. Certain objects seem further away, closer, larger or smaller (this may just be a placebo). My emotions are dulled, and I feel disconnected from my thoughts and emotions (I know all of my thoughts are mine, but I feel disconnected from them, if that makes sense). I get extremely anxious. Stuff around me seems different as well, like everything feels off. My memory has gotten extremely bad (took me 10 seconds to remember my mother's name recently). I also couldn't even remember going to a store to purchase a game recently. Certain events that happened recently feel like they happened a long time ago. I get extremely anxious from all of this due to not knowing what it could be. Maybe this is caused by something psychical and not mental?\n\nI write this because I have no idea what to do. I'm terrified. I'm in an extremely stressful environment ( my mother yells at me all the time and is extremely negative), so it probably doesn't help at all. I'm honestly wondering if I should go to the hospital. I'm scared if I don't do anything about this then I will feel like this forever. I don't see this ever getting better :(\n\nI guess I should add that I am on buspar (15mg 3x a day) and rispiridole (1mg 1x a day). After tonight, I am not sure if these meds are helping me. I should also add that I am not going to see my therapist for several weeks.", "answer": "It sounds like there\u2019s some dissociation going on (but that\u2019s only my opinion based on what you shared....it\u2019s by no means a diagnosis). If it was depersonalization or derealization then you would feel like a robot walking through your day and that nothing around you is real (those do come with dissociation, but there\u2019s the other criteria too). Dissociation can be due to stress or trauma. It\u2019s common to happen with depression and anxiety. It\u2019s the body/brains way of protecting itself. I would see if you can go in to see your therapist sooner and talk with them about this some more. It is very scary to experience and you\u2019re just not able to feel like yourself. \nThere are some grounding exercises that your therapist might be able to give you so that you can try to help bring yourself back to the moment/here and now. Try to keep yourself calm when you feel it happening and talk yourself through it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eajjjg", "comment_id": "faukgsl"}, {"question": "I hate weed more than other drugs", "description": "Because it's so widely accepted and casual. If you tell someone you have a weed problem, they'll laugh at you and say \"it's just willpower\" or saying \"just do it in moderation\". \n\nNow that it's basically legal where I live, it's everywhere. EVERYBODY SMOKES. \n\nIt's not that hard to resist temptation, unless you're on day 40 and had the shittiest day ever and are going through mad psychological withdrawals and someone offers you a hit of that joint you know will make everything feel good again. \n\nNo one takes you seriously when you explain that you've psychologically depended on weed for the last 15 years and that you go mentally insane without it. That your neurochemistry goes haywire for months on end. That you don't know how to cope with life outside of weed. That you don't know how to make up for the loss time you wasted being high. That you've built a whole lifestyle, personality, and identity around smoking weed, even if it wasn't intentional. \n\nEdit: and I'm starting to realize it's also just very easy to fit into every aspect of life. It's not a habit that you have to hide from people like other drugs, and it's not so strong that it completely impairs you, so you can smoke it all the time and before you know it, everything you do is now associated with weed, and your unconscious brain now makes those associations. ", "answer": "Are you in therapy? I've found a lot of people smoke to self medicate. Therapy might help with some of the psychological cravings", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "46jhqm", "comment_id": "d05rhw2"}, {"question": "My (20M) ex boyfriend (20M) who I've been dating for the past 5 months but have lived with for the past year broke up with me out of nowhere and I have absolutely no closure on any part of the situation.", "description": "(Long story, but ultimately looking for advice from anyone who knows anything about dissociative identity disorder / trauma / how to handle a break-up)\n\nMy ex boyfriend and I met on the first day of university last year, since he lived in the dorm room next to me. He had a crush on me for the entirety of our first semester of uni, and I knew he did, and he also knew that I did not return his feelings at the time. Still, he was basically my best friend for those 5 months and we talked/hung out every day.\n\nAt the end of the first semester I began developing feelings for him too, but I was too scared to do anything about it until I confessed to him at the end of last January and we started dating. When COVID hit and universities started to close their dorms, I convinced my parents to let him live with us because his family is incredibly abusive. So, he lived at my house for 1.5 months and met my whole family and everything seemed great. I've never felt so comfortable and so secure around anyone in my life.\n\nBut in the middle of may he went back to live with his family because the school year had finished. His family plays a very important part in this story. His mother is insanely sensitive/emotionally manipulative/anxious/homophobic and very much a traditionalist, and his father has physically and sexually abused him throughout his life. He has not told me much of these details directly, but I can infer things from what he has told me and whenever he talks about how terrible his parents are he tends to laugh it off.\n\nSince summer started, I have not seen him or talked to him over the phone (only text) until about three weeks ago when I visited his house. Being at his house was the most awkward thing I have ever experienced. There were holes in his ceiling at various locations throughout the house and periodically there was just pieces of wood instead of ceiling (which my ex said was to cover water damage). None of the doors in his house had locks on them and there were security cameras everywhere inside. Besides that, his house was absolutely spotless (think: Ikea showroom. Even his bedroom looked fake) and throughout the entire time I was there his mom was cleaning up things and watching us from a distance. I was anxious the entire time I was there and I even mentioned to him how I understand now why he cannot stand being at his parents house. I have never felt as terrible as I felt when I was at that house.\n\nWell, 2 days ago he starts texting me about how he wants to go to therapy and he's scared it's going to unearth dissociative identity disorder because he's been compartmentalizing his trauma/stress all his life. I know enough about DID to know the implications of that but I've never had lived experience with knowing someone who had DID. So of course I told him that no matter what happens I'll always be there for him. Immediately afterwards, he sends me a text basically saying that after some self reflection he has decided to break up with me. I kept asking why, and he keeps saying it's because ever since 3 weeks ago he has just felt no romantic attraction to me (even though I haven't seen him or talked to him and we have been exceptionally close for the past year). I kept telling him that that makes no sense and that I've known him so well and that if he stopped having feelings for me, there has to be a reason why, but he keeps stating that it's normal to randomly lose feelings for people and that there doesn't have to be a reason. I've begged him to literally tell me any reason why and he just kept getting frustrated with me and told me that it's normal to lose feelings. He also said that he did 100% feel attracted to me when he was living with me at college and at my house, but says \"I have a problem with mirroring other people's emotions so I don't know how much of my attraction was just mirroring your attraction but I can promise you I did feel attraction to you that entire time\".\n\nI am just so lost right now. It just doesn't make sense. He's supposed to be my roommate at university next year so I asked him if we could maybe just take a break instead of breaking up entirely since his lack of attraction is so out of nowhere, but he was very adamantly opposed to that idea. I have no idea what to do or what to think or how to rationalize this and I won't have any type of closure until I see him at university in two months.\n\nNone of it makes sense and I have no idea how much of it is me being in denial or how much of it is a result of his mental state or his parents or anything and I would just like some outside input and any advice on how to cope at all.", "answer": "This must be so hurtful! \n\nWhatever the heck happened, he is making it really clear he needs space. We don't know what is happening on his end , and may be going through something pretty serious. If you can, it may be helpful if you can seek support from someone other than him for your legitimate pain. I worry that he is further burdened by your emotional reaction and can't respond if he is in crisis. \n\nYou clearly care very much about this man and I hope you get answers.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hjiedl", "comment_id": "fwndfzk"}, {"question": "is it possible to get over social anxiety???", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "Therapist here. So here's the thing with anxiety in general and social anxiety. Everyone has it. It's a normal part of life. You, me, and everyone else will have anxiety until the day we die, so to this extent, you won't ever \"get over it\". \n\n\nNow.... for some good news. Some people are born to be more sensitive and anxious than others. Some people are conditioned that way. Your anxiety will never go away, but you can become stronger and braver. \n\n\nBravery is doing the things that make you anxious even though you have the anxiety. The more you practice this, the better you get. Over time, the anxiety is still there, but just doesn't bother you as much. It takes a lot of will power and work to do this though. Therapy can be very helpful. \n\n\nSpeaking personally, I can say that I absolutely hated high school. I was depressed, anxious, and went through some crazy mood swings. When I moved away out of my parents house and my hometown at 17 to go live on campus where I went to college it was an entirely different world. Once again, the anxiety, the mood swings, everything else was still there, but being in the college environment helped give me the tools I needed to get stronger and face all of it. \n\n\nI'm 32. I still have a ton of anxiety. It sucks when it really hits me, feels fucking terrible, but overall, it doesn't keep me from doing things or living my best life the way it did when I was younger.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmtg6", "comment_id": "ekjvsqq"}, {"question": "Cycling Gives me what Alcohol Never Could", "description": "1. Mental clarity. Long hard rides quiet my obsessive mind, not only during the ride, but for hours afterwards-compared to the short lived relief of a beer buzz followed by the anxiety wave. My focus narrows so there is only me, the road, and the bike. If I find my mind wandering, I push the pedals harder. \n\n2. Health. I'm feeling great and my body is working at an optimal level. If hangovers had an opposite, this would be it.\n\n3. The Post Ride Feast. After a long hilly ride on just a bowl of oatmeal and a coffee, lunch unlocks a next level of enjoyment. Yesterday was a fish sandwich and onion rings at a little town in the middle of nowhere. About as far as you can get from a boozy taco bell binge.\n\n4. Friends. As an introvert, I have difficulty holding a conversation at times, and would lean on alcohol. However, when stopped for a post-ride coffee at a spot popular with cyclists, there are a million things to talk about. Where you coming from, nice bike, how do you like those wheels, nice having that tailwind coming in, how great was that descent! \n\nLegs are shot today so I'm going to do a slow spin over a (relatively-SF bay area!) flat course. Any day in spandex is a good day.\n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "This is so awesome! This post and all its comments! - I guess we're all in the same boat. I've been far more dedicated to cycling since being sober. It's my obsessive outlet and has given so much to me. New sober friends - my mind. My fitness. My drive to get my ass in bed early and up and moving. Coffee gulping and pastry smashing - I've put In over 2k miles this year. I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU ALL TODAY! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "6uvfq0", "comment_id": "dlwt8ny"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "Especially in front of other individuals? Like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. As if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "In my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. One time I was in the car with my family and I was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. I wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. One of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. And then, accidentally, I started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and I started saying how I felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and I\u2019m not good enough for them. I cried about how I felt like I didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. No one responded. Just silence. \n\nA few days later I was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? Remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d \n\nLet a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "duwpdxu"}, {"question": "How clear is the research on sleeping in the same room as a baby reducing SIDS?", "description": "Let me state up front, my wife is just doing what she thinks is best for her health, and our child's. Likewise, I'm doing the same. We have a major disagreement on the weight we should place on the medical advice from our pediatrician, and have reached an impasse. She wants to let our 2mo sleep in the crib across the hall while we sleep in our room with a monitor because she thinks we'll get more sleep (even though she acknowledge that I was right in that we could get quite a bit less). Our pediatrician has said that among other things, sleeping in the same room reduces the risk of SIDS.\n\nI have no reason to believe our pediatrician would state this without sufficient data and reason, but my wife's hunch is that our pediatrician might be too conservative, might just be \"touting the party line from the Academy of Pediatrics/hospital\", or might be taking the most conservative angle to avoid risking lawsuits.\n\nI'm honestly at a loss. We picked our pediatrician because we respected her approach and expertise. But my wife has said this is a parenting issue and not a medical issue, and our pediatrician doesn't get to tell us how to parent because every child is different.\n\nI agree with that on some level, but ultimately because I know that my wife and I are not trained medical professionals, that our pediatrician is the most knowledgeable party and so we seem like we'd be best served listening to her on the matter. My wife sees that as needing to get the doc's approval on everything whereas I see this as a pretty black and white medical concern I want to listen to the expert advice on even if it means our health and relationship suffers due to sleep loss.\n\nI know the issue is not black and white, and I only mention the relationship aspects of this post because I'm at a loss of how to best deliver this information to someone who is not receptive to it. I'm asking very specifically for:\n\n1. For a completely healthy 2mo old, how clear is the research on reduced risk of SIDS by having an adult sleep in the same room as the baby vs. in another room with a monitor? And how big is the reduction in risk? Is it staggering? Would love some actual sources of numbers to share with her.\n\n2. How can one convey information on a situation they believe should be decided by data and science to someone who disagrees and weighs those less importantly in the decision?", "answer": "Sleeping in the same room might reduce risk purely because you will notice difficulties faster.\n\nTheres bigger factors to cot death like smoking etc - theyre the ones to focus on.\n\n[Reducing the risk of SIDS](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/reducing-risk-cot-death.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56a4l2", "comment_id": "d8hmjb7"}, {"question": "Penis shorter than used to be (flaccid state)", "description": "I'm 22 years old male, 130kg / 187cm. Few weeks ago I was lifting weights and my penis \"turtled\", but eventually returned to normal length. However, after a few days I noticed it's shorter in flaccid state than before and the skin is wrinkled. I'm circumsized. Everything appears and feels normal when the penis is erect, and I'm feeling no pain.\n\nWhat can I do to make it normal length again?", "answer": "Nothing. Its fine. Put your ruler away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y0pru", "comment_id": "d6k3jec"}, {"question": "Antidepressants & Sex Drive", "description": "Hey everyone I\u2019ve posted before about this but I wanna see if there\u2019s anything different in responses. \n\nSo I\u2019m 17M and I started taking sertraline (Zoloft) about six months ago. Everything was normal until around 5-7 days and almost immediately, from that point on, it\u2019s been harder to get and stay erect. Nothing really gets me hard anymore and I guess my sex drive has plummeted. I just can\u2019t get hard. Sometimes as I get near orgasm it gets hard briefly but it doesn\u2019t last long usually, it just goes back flaccid in the middle of a masturbation session. It\u2019s slightly better than a couple months ago but it\u2019s just difficult to get into anything like this. \n\nI\u2019m not sexually active but it does make it difficult to masturbate and I just want pleasure. Is there anyway to get back to being horny? I\u2019m kinda just frustrated at this point. ", "answer": "If sertraline is really making a big difference for you, talk to the doctor who's prescribing it about what you can do to restore libido. There are broadly two ways to go: switch from sertraline to something else, or manage the side effects. It's not ideal to treat side effects of medications with more medications, but it is doable, and there are a lot of extra meds to counteract that particular side effect. None have great evidence\u2014there's not evidence they *don't* work, just not robust evidence that they do, but anecdotally and in published case series they seem helpful.\n\nEspecially if sertraline is not doing you a whole lot of good, it's absolutely reasonable to try something else. Sometimes if one SSRI has sexual side effects another does not; there are also non-SSRI medications for depression or anxiety worth trying.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9v62h9", "comment_id": "e99s4ku"}, {"question": "Girl friend of 4 years has told me she no longer loves me.", "description": "So I find out yesterday that she no longer loves me. Not only that she even devolped feelings for another guy who I asked her about and was told not to worry. \n\nSo issues are that she feels like things are stagnant and somethings are lacking. She also felt that this other guy understood her Better and felt better when talking to him. But she had no plans to persue since he lives far. She had no plans to end the relationship but mostly wanted to tell me she feels alone around me as well as those other feelings. I also feel her depression plays a part in this too but hard to tell how much. \n\nSo we try to break up but several problems arise. We cant get out of our lease as we live together. So we have to stay here as we both have no where else to stay. Of course as well i am crushed cuz i still love her. But she also finds breaking up to be really hard. Not only because she loses me and still cares about me but also doesnt to be alone which she then led to talking about how she dosnt belong and wants to die. The reason by the way we decided to try and break up was cuz i thought thats what she was doing but my misunderstanding led to starting those steps. Things ended up being a huge fight. \n\nFast forwardb to why i say try because we work it out after talking. We decide to stay and try to fix things but honestly I have no clue what to fix as she was not specific. I have a few ideas but I am scared of them not returning and living with someone (which i gotta do either way) dose not love me. Has anyone had a SO who had fallen out of love? Is it possible to fix?,", "answer": "see if she's up for couples counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3o4f", "comment_id": "dc0kdy2"}, {"question": "Doctor denied me flu shot because of low blood pressure. I'm higher risk for covid so it seems important that I get a flu shot. Advice? 32F", "description": "Blood pressure is usually 90s/60s. 5'9 150lbs. All kinds of sinus/allergy issues, possibly crohns disease, and my lungs don't get oxygen to my blood as well as they should. But it was exclusively based on blood pressure that the doctor told me not to get a flu shot. I've never heard this before and don't understand why blood pressure would make a difference here.", "answer": "90/60 without symptoms is not a problem. Flu shots don\u2019t drop blood pressure.\n\nIf you go to a pharmacy that gives shots, they won\u2019t even check, as well they shouldn\u2019t.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jj52gl", "comment_id": "gabd0zq"}, {"question": "I need some advice on comforting others?", "description": "So recently it has come to my attention that I have NO idea how to comfort other people and it just ends up in a giant awkward mess. I need to know what to do in person and sometimes over the phone because of distance issues with friends preventing me from being there in person. Any feedback would be appreciated.", "answer": "Listen. Ask questions that show that you're listening--basically, ask questions that keep them talking and encourage them to share more. Don't give unsolicited advice. It's ok to share a similar experience that you've had, but don't interrupt and don't share it unless it's really relevant--you want to avoid giving the impression that you think their troubles are less than their troubles. Let them talk until they've said everything they need to. \n\nThen, if you really want to give advice, ask if you can share your thoughts. It's ok if you don't have advice, or if you don't know how to fix their situation. Just listening to them and supporting them is a big help. It's ok if you don't actually have a solution. Your role is not to fix things; it's to be a friend and listen to them.\nTl:dr Listen to people :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "wvrvm", "comment_id": "c5gzh59"}, {"question": "What did my late father have? (Psychiatry)", "description": "I'm a 34 y/o woman. 16 years ago, my dad passed at age 59 from the complications of cirrhosis. He was an alcoholic and drank daily. He had wonderful sides, but also really bad abusive sides. I'm trying to understand what he might have had.\n\n- He was celebrity in our country and one of the bests at his job. Both in entertainment and journalism.\n\n- He was an only child and lost his beloved father unexpectedly when he was in middle school. He started to work at that age to take care of his mother. He cut ties with their relatives because they never really helped apparently. He cried about his father all his life when he talked about him. After my grandma passed to he would sometimes refer to himself as an orphan. And he had no family left other than mom and us his kids.\n\n- His mother did some abusive shit that was considered normal back then, including physical punishment. But generally she was a good mother. When they were both grown-ups, the power was totally on my dad though in their relationship dynamics. He lived with his mother until she passed. When he and my mom got married, grandma was still in the house. We were doing well financially though and the house allowed privacy.\n\n- He prioritized his kids (me and my brother) over other people. He would \"punish\" grandma when my brother got upset over something she didn't allow and make her stand on one foot like they do to children when they are naughty. Grandma was clearly uncomfortable with this, would cry afterward, dad didn't care.\n\n- He was abusive to my mother physically and verbally. He would start fights over things like food getting burned when he was angry. Her cooking something he didn't like. But between the abuse, he was great. He would make us laugh. Bring everyone gifts. Serenade to my mom. Tell their memories with such loving eyes and tone.\n\n- Once my mom's one brother and his wife visited us. She made a joke, literally like one sentence that implied my dad was kissing the ass of the person in the story he aws telling. Dad didn't say anything there. After they left he started a huge fight with mom why she didn't say anything or stop it. I am not kidding, this came on FOR YEARS, UNTIL HE PASSED. He would wake my mom up to start a fight over this totally out of the blue even years later! THen the next day everything was back to normal.\n\n- He loved me too much. He would cry when I cry, he was very thoughtful about my feellings generally. Except... he continued the abuse with my mom AND he would even wake me up often so I would sit there, watch the whole thing as a referee and tell who was right. I didn't even have the option to say he was wrong, he would then get angry at me.\n\n- Once for example he got angry at my mom burning chickpeas when I was 15. He asked me to cook chickpeas for him (I didn't even know how!) This was 3 days into my summer job and I was exhausted. When I said in the scared tone I didn't know how and I needed to rest, at first he pretended to be OK then asked me to clean the kitchen with mom all night. I was sobbing and stayed up until 4am cleaning and went to work 5 hours later.\n\n- He was mostly a funny, super generous, thoughtful guy. He would help people without expecting anything in return. All of his charity donations were anonymous too.\n\n- He was aware he was smart. But got humble when someone complimented on him.\n\nI think he was depressed. And obviously alcohol didn't help his rage. But what else did he have if any?", "answer": "\nHe could have had major depressive disorder. It could have all been alcohol-related. Nothing here is clearly pathology beyond the bounds of normal. \n\nAny speculation based on just this snapshot is just speculation, and it\u2019s already filtered through your opinions and memories of him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "in1n8i", "comment_id": "g44oyh6"}, {"question": "I (32f) am feeling anxious and suffocated by my husband(30m)", "description": "Yes I know, talk to him. So easy and simple but not. Not when he references other conversations, taking what I've said out of context, or how I was before.ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for at least this past year.\n\nOur libidos don't match up anymore. They've gone from equal to him wanting it even more and me wanting it less. I can't even hug him, kiss him, cuddle, or even look at him without him getting hard and wanting to go have sex. If it were quickies I could do that, but it's like marathon sex sessions almost every time. I hate disappointing him with rejection so I've drawn back, I've stopped trying to touch him and be intimate because I don't want to turn him on only to tell him no, I'm not in the mood. It's a cycle that just keeps creating anxiety in me. \n\nI'm stressed about so many things I can't even decompress when I get home because he's right there, always trying for sex or just trying to get me to talk. I just need a few to come back from the day. I'm a true introvert and my energy stores have been depleted. I just can't deal. I've tried telling him this but i don't think he fully gets it. He use to be so good at reading me and my emotions, but now it's like he went blind.\n\nEvery day he tells me he misses me and can't wait to be home with me. It's not like we don't work in the same town, not like I won't be home in a few hours to see you. He also sends me porn links and sexts me multiple times a day, even on Fridays which I've told him not to before, they are a high stress day at work for me. Yes I could just ignore them like he says, but he could just not send them like I asked. I'd shut my phone off completely Fridays if I didn't need it for work. It's getting stiffling, I can't breathe. I don't have emotions like that. When he went to visit his parents for a few days I missed him, but it was nice being able to relax and not be anxious for those few days. When he came back we had great sex, multiple times a day for a few days. He wanted it to keep going, I didn't need it to. Thus the anxiety kicked back in.\n\nHe jerks off daily, most of the time at least twice a day. I'm fine with that, I really am. But usually he'd do it while I'm asleep or not home from work yet, now he'll just start jerking while I'm right next to him watching TV. If he thinks that's a good way to get me to join...It's not, it just kicks an anxiety attack into high gear and shuts me down even more. \n\nI guess I just needed to get this out so it won't play in my head all day. Idk of this even belongs here.\n\nUpdate: Incase anyone is still seeing this. We talked a little. Apparently when I say no nicely it reminds him of the crazy ex. He thinks I'm bored with our sex life so was trying different ways to ask me for sex. I told him I'm not bored, I'm just being turned off by his approach and that I don't want to hurt him. He said he understands I'm not always in the mood, that a hand or blow job would be ok too... Not exactly the best compromise but it'll do for now. \n\nAnd he won't cheat, wouldn't even take my offer to have an open marriage. We are kinky but he only wants me, yes that's what every woman wants isn't it? Sometimes though, would be nice to be the only one taking all the sexual attention. ", "answer": "go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "682pyr", "comment_id": "dgv8x9d"}, {"question": "Emo Legs", "description": "Emo legs is the current favorite pet name my boyfriend has given me. I'm pretty proud that I've managed to keep my scars mainly to one thigh. I'm super pale and they're pretty noticeable. \n\nMy boyfriend isn't really my boyfriend. We live in his mom's house. He sleeps in her room. She's a caregiver and is here maybe a week every three months. I'm not proud that I'm living off of her but until I get a job I'm stuck here. He hasn't worked since November. \n\nI've written about my bf before. We don't kiss, haven't had sex in half a year, and he doesn't even let me sit next to him. He tells me I'm gross and to get away from him. Maybe he's joking? I'm not gross. \n\nIt sucks living with someone who hates you so much. Yet it's better than fighting for my own life. I'm alone even tho someone is in the next room all the time. ", "answer": "Wait what", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8fovj3", "comment_id": "dy5c2sh"}, {"question": "My friend is becoming increasingly paranoid and I don't know what's going on or how to help", "description": "We're both college students, upperclassmen. He's slightly socially awkward. He's not a close friend, but we used to live in the same dorm and were in the same class once. Over the summer, he claims to have been hospitalized and put on a involuntary hold and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar (by his employer's in-house doctors), but refutes those diagnoses. Right now, he claims that undercover government officials are taking classes with him and visiting him at work and fucking with him. He states that some of them have straight up told them they were undercover. He also states this is starting to affect his behavior - he says he's becoming more paranoid and going out of his way to avoid interacting with people; he also states that he is unable to concentrate on his studies because they're in his classes, always sitting next to him and \"asking weird questions\".\n\nHe's NEVER shown any signs of abnormal behavior prior to this past summer. He realizes his statements are pretty out there (\"This might seem kind of crazy but..\"), and states that he has avoided telling everything to his parents because he is afraid they will have him medicated. He also claims to have talked with a counselor in our campus counseling center and told them everything expecting them to believe he was crazy, but states the counselor agreed with some of the things he was saying (\"You know...some of the stuff you're saying makes sense and is plausible.\"). He also states this feels like The Truman Show and everyone is acting. I do not believe he's a danger to himself or others as he's never been violent or expressed any violent things.\n\ntl;dr My friend is basically the main character in a movie where everyone's out to get him. What's going on, and should I do anything?\n\nNinja edit: He states he was prescribed Risperidone by the in-house doctors at his employer, and that when he saw campus doctors they agreed with that prescription. He refuses to take it because it \"slows him down\" and he isn't able to think clearly.", "answer": "Which school? Do they have a prodromal psychosis program he can participate in? A lot of them are computer based memory exercises to help regrow brain connections and improve reality testing.\n\nRisperdal is by no means the only med out there. If he doesn't like the side effects he can change meds, not stop all together.\n\nHe may be taking his counselor out of context, or the counselor may be responding to something he said\n Think of all the paranoid people vindicated by Edward Snowden. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2udpt0", "comment_id": "co7w0ox"}, {"question": "Binge eating disorder and cytochrome p450", "description": "Age: 30\n\nSex: F\n\nHeight: 166cm\n\nWeight: 60kg\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: 1 year\n\nLocation: Spain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: binge eating disorder (2008-2018), gastrointestinal problems linked with systemic pain, gastrointestinal problems, several tonsillitis processes (2009-2014), cytomegalovirus (2009), mumps (2006)\n\nCurrent medications: R - Lipoic Acid, Glutamine, Magnesium Threonate\n\nHello.\n\nA few years ago I have binge eating disorder. Normally, after each binge, I had intestinal problems, but after weeks of taking good care of my diet, the symptoms would subside. My body finally made \"crash\" after one of these binges, and there I am, without being able to reverse my health.\n\nAt first, I couldn't eat practically anything. I have tried many supplements (ubiquinol, butyric acid, vitamin D and other vitamins) but nothing gets me out of this vicious circle. I am not able to metabolize so many foods and meds, makes me feel toxic as if poisoned, and other symptoms rare and difficult to explain. It's like cytokine storm all over my body. I have also sleep and menstrual problems, fatigue\u2026\n\nAfter a lot of research, I believed I have a mitochondrial and cytochrome P450 issue but I don't find a solution.\n\nI am looking for people who have had a similar problem or doctors who know how to treat it.\n\nThanks in advances.\n\nBest regards.", "answer": "That doesn\u2019t sound like a mitochondrial problem, and there really aren\u2019t cytochrome p450 disorders. It could well be a stomach or intestine problem, perhaps caused by your mechanism of purging. You should talk to your primary doctor and possibly seek referral to a gastroenterologist, I think.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmofo6", "comment_id": "ew3w1ue"}, {"question": "Just wanted to share part of my story. I hope this can help someone.", "description": "You see, I'm a 27 male and I recently realized I had anger issues. It took me quite some time to realize it, since I destroyed 2 romantic relationships I had (2 years long each one). Never really had a relationship with my sister (she is 32) and broke many, many, MANY videogames, joysticks, chairs, windows, doors, tools, anything.\n\nAnyway, after that introduction let me say that I never even thought about my anger as something bad. Actually I was proud of it. I felt good when I was raging so to me it was something amazing. That feeling of being powerful, of having people scared of me, that was great. It made me feel big, great, strong. Not physically, but strong in a sense that I was a force to be reckoned with. Thats the point I wanted to get to, being reckoned, noted, praised, etc. That's what become important to me in my life and for 27 years I didn't realized it.\n\nWhat do I mean? Well, the thing is. During my last breakup (5 months ago) I hit rock bottom. I was in a abusive relationship (I was the abuser of course) and when she ended it I was lost. I threatened to kill myself, I ran away from my home and left a note talking about how sorry I was for everything in my life and that was it. My family and my ex ended up finding me and then I had to deal with my shit for the first time. Being angry wasn't going to cut anymore. My anger would kill me the next time, for sure. I would do something really dumb to me and to others, probably. So I looked for professional help. \n\nMonths later and I now realize that what is so deep within me is a strong desired to be loved, to be admired, to be desired. And when things don't go this way I become angered because I think I deserve those things. When I lose in a videogame it's because I'm dumb/weak and people will know that and stop thinking I'm smart/strong. If someone break up with me people will realize I'm not a good boyfriend, I suck. If I'm angry, it doesn't give space for people to think bad things about me. As long as they fear me, they will see me as someone of value. At least that was what I felt and thought for so long. My anger was a way for me to escape the fact that I don't really know how to deal with rejection, with not being praised. And the surprising thing is that I despise people like that, blindly making me believe I was not like them. But I am. I have flaws, many, and I have a deep fear of being destroyed by them. I hide them since I can remember but that is what is ending up destroying me. \n\nAnyway, my advice for everyone here is to think about your flaws and trying your best to become a better person. Don't let your anger make you destroy your relationships and make people around you suffer. It's ok to want to be loved, praised and desired. Everyone wants that as well. So open yourself to people, talk to them, work together. Everyone has flaws as well, don't hide yours, work around them. Share them with people so you can become better together. I never really talked about my feelings with anyone since I was a child, and for the last 5 months I have been doing that and it's just amazing how it can help. \nIf you sometimes think people won't give you a chance anymore, think that you can't be helped, that your time is over. Don't let it go to your head and control you. You still have chances, you have time, you can be helped. The people you lost, that's it, it happened. But the future is there and you haven't lost yourself yet. Look for help, friends, family, professional help, anything. Just go. No more lies, no more hiding behind your anger. \n\nSorry for the big post and probably bad english. I hope this can end up helping someone. Bye.", "answer": "Nice work! And not easy work either as it involves confronting and accepting painful emotions that retreat into anger was hoping you to avoid. I hope things continue to go well for you. ", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "5er6ue", "comment_id": "dafbx7o"}, {"question": "Those of you who have social skills, what exactly do people like to do for fun?", "description": "I\u2019m finally getting confidence in myself and I\u2019m ready to finally make some friends in the fall when college starts. But I just realized.. I don\u2019t even know what people do for fun. Besides playing video games, what would a casual, fun, hangout be like for one of you?", "answer": "Go for a walk or a bike ride to a cool spot!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "hfqdh6", "comment_id": "fvz9r6f"}, {"question": "I\u2019m going to kill myself tonight", "description": "I\u2019m tired of fighting. I\u2019m in so much pain, I don\u2019t want to try anymore. Nobody would even miss me, I don\u2019t have anyone. I\u2019m being sexually abused, and I\u2019m tired of facing that too. I\u2019m also feel like I\u2019m losing it. I might be going crazy. I decided I\u2019m not afraid of death anymore", "answer": "There is help out there, and you can beat this. It sounds like everything it shit, but it can be better. Call 911. That should help end the abuse and help jumpstart you to a healthy life. Please call\n ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7a1rjl", "comment_id": "dp6h6wu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend still isn't ready for sex", "description": "So I've been seeing a girl for about a month now. We've gone on about 8 dates and became official about a week ago. She continually tells me I'm cute, handsome, nice, funny etc... she even makes me her \"man crush Monday\" on Facebook. But when I try to have sex she says she still isn't ready. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything but it makes me feel unwanted. Is it normal for someone to wait this long or am I justified in wondering something's wrong?\n\nI'm 23 she's 28", "answer": "don't take it personally. she's going slower than most, which is a good and MATURE thing that many should take a lesson from.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wswuu", "comment_id": "decr07i"}, {"question": "Are the normal medications for High BP and MDD/GAD?", "description": "26 Male, 6'1 , 220lbs, Eastern European. Medications include Lostartan/Hydrochlorothiazide , Carvedilol, Sertraline Bromazepam, Promazine, Nitrazepam.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAre these normal for my conditions? Also, should they be making me tired during the day?", "answer": "Losartan, hydrochlorothiazide, and carvedilol are all standard medications for blood pressure and a common combination.\n\nSertraline is a standard long-term treatment for MDD and GAD.\n\nBromazepam and nitrazepam are both benzodiazepines and are sedating. They can make you tired. It's usually not recommended to take two different benzodiazepines. In fact, it's usually not recommended to take any benzodiazepines long-term, although sometimes it's the best option. That's a conversation to have with your doctor.\n\nPromazine is a medication that hasn't been available in the USA for some time, so I don't have much familiarity with it. It might be used as an additional medication for depression. I can't say whether that's common or not or effective or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d2zpui", "comment_id": "ezxryqq"}, {"question": "In desperate need of advice", "description": "Hi everyone,\n\nI'm in a bit of difficult situation at the moment and could really do with some advice from my fellow redditors \n\nPretty much I've been seeing this girl from work for around 5months and things where great! It's the first thing close to a relationship I've had in over 5 years. We talked all day and hung out all the time, met each other's parents etc, the whole shibang.\n\nThings were going great until recently. She went all quite and didn't really want to chat or hang out anymore. I asked her what's up and she told me that her family life is going through trouble and she needs to sort it out and needs some time apart and we agreed to take a break for a while and pick things up at the end of March.\n\nAlthough this sucks, and kind of broke my heart a little as I was really falling for her, if this is what she needs right now then I respect that. \n\nWhat I'm confused about is how to act right now. With outstanding lame and cheesy we are really good together, I haven't really felt this way about anyone before so I'm not ready to give up on us.\n\nI know I should give her some space right now and leave her alone to sort things out. But what I don't know is if I should contact her or anything, as part of me is scared that she might think I've gone off her and moved on, which is not the case.\n\nWhat are your guys thoughts? Do I leave her alone completely or do I message/talk to her every now and again to just let her know I still care etc?\n", "answer": "check in once a week if she's ok with that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vbi9x", "comment_id": "de0qd51"}, {"question": "Admiring from Afar. No response.", "description": "Aged both 20, Me male, she female. Facebook friends/same university.\n\nSo I friended someone over Facebook, March 2017, after finding out they went to both the same university and concert as me. Very friendly person, not weirded out by conversing with a stranger. Gorgeous, personality, same interests, everything. Weirdly never crossing paths on campus as of yet. Since the start of May, no response via messenger. No seen icons, nothing. Activity on Facebook and that but nothing in our chat. I know that she takes breaks from messenger from time to time but normally I get a response in no later than a week. During a D+M she told me to message her whenever for whatever, so I never felt like I was overdoing it. It is also near the end of semester so could just be a too busy situation.\nShe fills my mind every day. I have whole days ruined just thinking about her (my fault I know). All the possibilities run through my mind and I don't even know if she's single, straight and/or looking. I've even written a song inspired by her (See below). My self esteem is so damn low as well, I do NOT like how I look (currently working on the weight loss though). I've been in this situation before too but never like this. Please just tell me what to do, I feel like I might become drastic. Overdramatic but accurate.\nAnd if you've found this, I am so sorry you did.\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3Y8-5n6XA (The song)", "answer": "Focus on the things under your control: your diet, exercise, sleep, time spent with friends, work, study.\n\nDo not let your interest in this girl stall your life. And do not tell her about the immmmmmmmensity of your feelings for her if she gets back in contact. Just go get coffee and take a walk. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f1icr", "comment_id": "dienufg"}, {"question": "month and 16 days, most unmotivated and depressed ive ever been", "description": "When is this going to be over? I thought quitting weed would solve my depression snd help with all of this. Im tight on time and couldn't type a lot. Thanks everyone", "answer": "Probably because depression isn't caused by weed, but masked by it", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4oogbq", "comment_id": "d4ea5iu"}, {"question": "[deleted by user]", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "No, guanfacine (intuniv) doesn't affect thyroid function tests or the thyroid.\n\nAnxiety fits. \n\nYou may need a much-higher dosage of sertraline (zoloft). Some of my patients with anxiety disorders need as much as 200mg or more.\n\nHave you had Cognitive Behavior Therapy?\n\n&#x200B;", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "alu6c4", "comment_id": "efhstll"}, {"question": "I'm a hot mess and \"failing\" at sobriety", "description": "So I'm feeling like a bit of a hot mess. I've been so scatterbrained the past couple days. I find that I'm constantly trying to distract myself from alcohol cravings by eating way too much junk food and spending too much time online. I can't seem to focus on anything for very long. My apartment is a complete mess but I can't be bothered to clean it. I have no clean laundry or dishes, and I feel like I'm just hanging on. I'm currently working 2 jobs on top of a full course load and it's everything I can do not to let that all fall apart. I keep skipping AA meetings and I feel like I'm doing the whole \"dry drunk\" thing, which supposedly isn't a long term solution. I kinda feel like I'm failing and I'm only a couple days in. That being said, I guess as long as I'm sober, that's a solid win for now. I'll tackle more when I start feeling a little less crazy. \n\nThanks for listening. \n\nEdit: Just realized I wrote some variation of \"feeling\" like 5 times. I guess you could say I'm a little emotional right now!", "answer": "Failing? My friend, if in the first few weeks you don\u2019t end up taking a drink, then you are WINNING. \n\nwhatever you gotta do to stay sober in the very beginning, do that. In the first few days I was still so sick and miserable the idea of cleaning anything other than my teeth was inconceivable; I ate whatever I could stomach and didn\u2019t worry about nutrition for like, a month. \n\nDon\u2019t worry about whether you\u2019re a \u201cdry drunk\u201d for now. That stuff can wait while your brain and body get through the initial healing in the next two to four weeks. \n\nIf you find meetings helpful, this saying always worked for me: go to meetings, and don\u2019t drink between meetings. Simple (but not easy!) as that. \n\nIWDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7ab7hn", "comment_id": "dp8jbyd"}, {"question": "Xanax: usual diagnostics prior to prescribing", "description": "Age: 16-17\nSex: Female\nHeight: 170-175 cm\nWeight: 60-65 kg\nRace: Filipino\nDuration of complaint: Unknown\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Philippines\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Unknown\nCurrent medications (if any): Xanax\n\nMy daughter has a 16-17 y.o. classmate diagnosed with depression who was prescribed Xanax without any blood, urine or metabolic testing. Is this normal? \n\nWhat are the usual tests whose results are critical to determine the efficacy of Xanax? ", "answer": "Not completely normal - alprazolam is an anxiolytic and not an antidepressant. Also its still good practice to do some routine bloods to rule out common medical reasons for depression.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "71wxwo", "comment_id": "dne64kx"}, {"question": "36 Hours", "description": "I've gone 36 hours without any skin picking. I decided two nights ago that it was getting out of hand and impacting my physical health too much. And this has been extremely hard. I can't believe how often I've had to actively stop myself. I didn't think it was something I did unconsciously but damn... I feel like a drug addict.\n\nI also ordered about $30 worth of fidget toys off of Amazon. Partially because I thought maybe I would be more committed if I had invested actual money into this. But also because I just wasn't sure what would help (if anything), so best to have a variety to try...\n\nAny tips on how to keep my resolve are appreciated.", "answer": "Hi! Congratulations on making it through 36 hours!!! WOO HOO!! Tips on how to keep your resolve!\n\n1. Be gentle with yourself\n2. Try to keep yourself busy, the fidget toys are great\n3. Be aware of your feelings when you think about picking\n4. And just curious, have you thought about seeing a mental health professional?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "boz7nt", "comment_id": "enmokh3"}, {"question": "Is age regression a real thing in psychology or is it kind of a debunked theory?", "description": "I\u2019m talking about where someone retreats to a younger age than they are, like trauma survivors might do.", "answer": "Regression is a commonly used term, and I see it most often in conceptualizations of people with Borderline, though anyone can regress.\n\nRegression is basically using a behavior that was appropriate or helpful during an earlier . Such as an adult tantrum .\n\nTo my knowledge, regression is not a theory, so there is nothing to be debunked. It is more psychoanalytic, but others see the behavior. Freud listed it as a defense mechanism .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f4e0we", "comment_id": "fhpw1pg"}, {"question": "Question about duties or responsibilities to patient for psychiatrist", "description": "I'm currently applying for disability in the US, specifically Colorado. I have been seeing my pyschiatrist for 4-5 years and when I informed him that I would be applying for my physical disabilities he encouraged me to also include my mental illness as a disability. My lawyer gave me a form for him to fill out about my level of impairment and treatment history. Apparently that kind of form/info is really helpful for getting approved. \n\nHe does not want to fill out this form and is refusing to fill it out. I was basically wondering if he had any sort of duty or responsibility to fill it out or if it's just an optional thing that he doesn't have to do if he doesn't want to?", "answer": "A doctor generally has no obligation to divulge clinical information to any third party unless obliged by legal proceedings. So yes, it's optional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sh4t4", "comment_id": "dldoqsm"}, {"question": "Jerry Seinfeld believes himself to be one of us", "description": "https://celebrity.yahoo.com/the-insider/jerry-seinfeld-im-autism-spectrum-135635797.html", "answer": "He isn't saying anything that unbelievable. As someone on the spectrum myself, I believe that *everyone* is on the spectrum \"on a very drawn-out scale\" (as Seinfeld put it).\n\nWhether he has been diagnosed or is diagnosable is a different matter, but I think that, given the way he stated it, it is hard to doubt.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "2ll772", "comment_id": "clvwalo"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has nickel intoxication, we have no clue how this happened.", "description": "Hi there!\n\nMy girlfriend was diagnosed with nickel intoxication. She has about twice the allowed amount of nickel in her body. The thing is: We have no clue why this happened. She was also diagnosed with histamine intolerance.\n\nShe had problems with her hand for about 4 months now. She has an eczema that got worse and worse (only on her right hand, on the upper half of her palm). It's a weeping wound. After she got a cortisone cream, it got better, dried up, developed a scab and healed. But as soon as the cream (and treatment) ended, the eczema came back. This went back and forth 3 times, until we decided to get better testing.\n\nSome data:\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 170 centimeter (5.6 feet)\n* Weight: 80 kilograms (175 pounds)\n* Race: Caucasian\n* Location: Austria\n* Smoker: No\n\nMy mother has a nickel intolerance and I know how that can manifest. But my girlfriend never had issues and didn't buy any new jewellery. Besides, from what the doctor said, a nickel intolerance isn't the same as nickel intoxication.\n\nPossible reasons we thought of:\n\n* Old plumbings in our appartment: But there are about 20 more flats in our appartment building, many inhabited by old people and no problem is known. Also, I show no symptoms (didn't get it tested though). And she doesn't drink tapwater that much.\n* Fish: She likes to eat store-bought ready-to-eat sushi and eats it about twice a week. Is that enough to cause nickel intoxication?\n* Food: We don't have the healthiest diet (but we're trying to do better), but there's nothing too unusual. Bread, butter, meat (mostly turkey meat, but also beef, chicken and pork), all sorts of vegetables, rice, eggs, fruits. And we really like sweets and soft drinks.\n* Paleo food: We recently started eating after a paleo diet, not very strict, but it's worth mentioning. We still eat bread and the occasional sweets, but we eat more rice and eggs than we used to and avoid milk products (except butter) and legumes. If she drinks soft drinks, they are calorie-free (maybe that's important). I don't think anything else changed so much that it's worth mentioning.\u007f\u007f\n* We can't think of any other factors like chemicals or things like that. Nothing unusal going on.\n\nNeither I nor our little boy (23 months old) have shown any symptoms of nickel intoxication. I'm away all week except for the weekends and our little boy has a mostly different diet, so that doesn't say much, but it may rule out some things like the plumbing, since he almost exclusively drinks tap water.\n\nI really hope you can help and/or have some clues what can cause nickel intoxication and what we should watch out for. Thanks a lot!", "answer": "Possibly a stupid question - but who diagnosed nickel intolerance?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fi5mf", "comment_id": "dal0fca"}, {"question": "I want to be social but can\u2019t put in the energy.", "description": "Basically , the title describes it. I am going through some depression and anxiety , and on antidepressants. I want to have a close relationship with my friends - but I feel I don\u2019t have the energy to put in the effort. And the few often times I do put in an effort, I feel I come across as needy or because I\u2019m not consistent, my efforts don\u2019t entirely work. I am forever stuck in this cycle between wanting to have good friends , doing a bit about it and then getting disappointed in myself. What do I do?? ", "answer": "Some folks find scheduling things to be really helpful, even phone calls. This day/time (when it's naturally convenient for you) I'm going to call or text to touch base with friends. Try your best not to deviate from it. \n\n\nTry to set plans in advance and don't cancel. Some people love constantly trying to meet up with friends and do things spur of the moment, others need scheduling. Figure out which suits you best and act accordingly whenever possible. \n\n\nAlways remember, all good friendships start out as very superficial acquaintances. If you're someone who has a hard time dealing with this, just know you have to push through for some time and not expect those returns you get from long lasting deeper friendships. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pcgbb", "comment_id": "e0a5m14"}, {"question": "I'm sure she went hanged out with her ex", "description": "My girl and I were going to hang out together on Friday. She told me she had to babysit for a family and instead she went out with friends saying the other didn't need here. I asked how it went and she said it was a total of 10+ people. And she had fun but got in a little heated situation (non-romantic). And when I asked her who it was she took way to long to say his name(like she made up a name). I've seen her text him. I've seen him send her too many messages on Xbox. And idk what to think. I have a bad feeling she's keeping something from me. And I don't know what to do or how to ask. She's being distant with me....", "answer": "be direct. find out. make a decision.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on459", "comment_id": "dckkvdk"}, {"question": "My [17F] girlfriend constantly has excuses not to see me [17M] and I don't know what to do about it", "description": "Been dating her for about 4 months now but whenever I ask her to make plans with me there is always a new excuse on why she can't do it and even when she does agree to plans she will often back out of them last minute. I've been in a relationship like this before although previously the issue was much more prevalent with me only seeing them 2-3 times over the course of 7-8 months. I am very flexible when it comes to making plans but the fact my current girlfriend doesn't seem to put any effort into seeing me is quite upsetting but I am afraid I will not find anything better if I do leave her, any advice will be greatly appreciated and I'm happy to answer any questions, Thanks ", "answer": "she seems ambivalent about being in a rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ptnga", "comment_id": "dctqmim"}, {"question": "Do u have sympathy for those who are \u2019low functioning\u2019because of mental illness?", "description": "I, myself is \u2019high functioning\u2019 but I have read in forums and blogs that some people have trouble sympathy with the \u2019low functioning\u2019 people because they feel that having mental illness is not an excuse unless you are dying you have no excuse to be low functional... to me this mind sets a little strange... ", "answer": "That depends I suppose by how you define \"low functioning\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "20yyf0", "comment_id": "cg86c04"}, {"question": "[23/f] Helping S/O [22/m] through greif?", "description": "My S/O and I have been together for 4 years now. Luckily we haven't had to deal with any familial deaths while we have been together. Unfortunately now it looks like his grandmother is very ill, and might be passing on soon (keeping our fingers crossed of course, but I'm a hope for the best, prepare for the worst kind of gal). Now I've had 2 grandparents, various extended family, and even pets pass on, so I'm familiar with grief and generally death as a concept. But he's never had someone close to him die, and I'm not sure how to help him deal with that for the first time, as my views on death have developed to be a little more comfortable. \n\nAdvice?", "answer": "just be your loving, supportive self. the right words will come", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kttxp", "comment_id": "dbqla2d"}, {"question": "Should I intentionally infect myself with coronavirus?", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "No.\n\nThere is a chance that you would develop serious infection and require healthcare resources. There is also a reasonable chance that, with precautions, you would not be infected at all.\n\nThis pandemic is best managed by trying to minimize infections, not time them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjkoeu", "comment_id": "fknqip6"}, {"question": "Lumbar Puncture okay with Naltrexone?", "description": "Hi there! I take Naltrexone to help with binge drinking. I only drink once or twice a week, or maybe once or twice every two weeks, but historically when I've done so I have gone way overboard. I take Naltrexone now and it has helped reduce my consumption. I only take it on days I drink.\n\nI have a lumbar puncture scheduled for this Friday 7/27 at 9am. I took 50mg naltrexone yesterday, 7/24, at 7pm, completely forgetting that it might interfere with the procedure. I'm not concerned it will skew the results, but I understand that taking opioid anesthetics can be deadly while on Nal. If it's useful, the last time I drank, and therefore took naltrexone (prior to yesterday), was about 12 days ago.\n\nSo, my question is, is it typical to give an opioid based anesthetic during a lumbar puncture? If I tell them I prefer a non-opioid anesthetic will that be an issue? I think the nal will be out of my system by Friday but wanted to make sure. Is this something I should be worried about or even reschedule? I would hate to do so, it's taken a while to get it scheduled and I need to get the procedure done.\n\nMy demographics:\n\n\\- Age: 46\n\n\\- Height: 6'2\n\n\\- Weight: 180\n\n\\- Gender: male\n\n\\-- Meds: only naltrexone\n\n\\- Smoking status: I quit 8 years ago. Smoked for about 15 years before that\n\n\\- Medical Issue: I have had constant daily headaches and fatigue for the last 4 months. I also feel generally ill, ironically, almost list a hangover. I've had all the bloodwork and and MRI done, now it time for the lumbar puncture.\n\nThanks in advance for your insight and assistance, it is genuinely appreciated.", "answer": "It's not typical to give an opioid for a lumbar puncture. Naltrexone isn't dangerous with opioids, but it will render opioids ineffective. There's no need to reschedule your lumbar puncture or even, as far as I know, be careful about mixing an LP and naltrexone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91xeun", "comment_id": "e31m7hq"}, {"question": "binge eating disorder. don't know how to cope with urges", "description": "i've always preferred eating alone and i've found myself eating large amounts at once, especially for the past 5 months. i went on a birth control and gained 35 pounds, and now that i live with my mother again she has commented on the amount of food i eat, and passively makes comments every once in awhile to try and \"send a message\". recently, when she isn't home i find it really difficult to control myself from eating. i tried fasting for a few days by setting an alarm on my phone for 24 hours each time i had a small meal. an hour ago i ate wayyy too much and now i'm dealing with the aftermath - depression, shame, uncomfortably full where i don't want to look at my body at all. \n\nhow do I cope with these urges? i hate my body but i especially hate how my mother treats me. Thanks for reading", "answer": "I had the opposite I starve myself. But I have found with bpd before you learn to control your urges you must control your environment. So learn to use what you know about yourself to mskr changes. You know you have cravings to eat and eat when bored or emotional. So try to stay busy, plan out meals, have healthy snacks that you can eat a ton of (popcorn is low calorie) or make dinner that is high volume and low calorie (veggies or rice). Drink lots of water. Whenever you feel hungry drink water first. \n\nSecond, use your body to your advantage. You want to work smart not hard. Look into how your body processes different foods and stays full. Sugar and carbs go fast. Fiber and protein stays long. Potatoes, eggs, chicken, mushrooms all stay with you as does oatmeal making you less hungry. If you are always hungry eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of big meals.\n\nPractice your coping skills. When you feel hungry it's likely your body telling you it needs to be soothed. If you soothe it in other ways besides food, it will stop sending the hunger signal. Basic needs first water and comfort. Take space for yourself, bring music along or a book. Bring a journal and write down your worries or anxieties or good times. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when feeling sad or hungry. Make sure to actually eat, as discussed above, you should learn to eat on a schedule instead of trusting in your hunger pangs.\n\nLastly, look into a new bc? Some bc and medications can increase your appetite or cause weight gain despite your best efforts. Talk to your doctor about it \n\nHope that helps", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "d9up6y", "comment_id": "f1llteb"}, {"question": "15 years sober, then started drinking again.", "description": "Help. After about 15 years of sobriety (I became addicted in my twenties), I tried drinking again - curiosity which turned into obsessive thinking which resulted in a drink (I thought that I may have been able to drink \"normally\" as I originally drank due to confidence issues which I no longer felt was an issue). Now I cant stop thinking about drinking. I have a bout of drinking which lasts for about 3 days, I then sort myself out for about a week (but in the meantime obsessively think about drinking and whether I want it or not), then I succumb again. I don't want to drink and when I do I don't enjoy it, its like I do it to get rid of the obsessive thoughts in my head. Does anyone have any advice on how I can release myself from this obsession/addiction which has resurfaced?", "answer": "Allan Carr's method sounds like it could work well here. Essentially your brain focuses on short term gains. You need to help it look at the whole picture. His conclusion: if you look at everything alcohol gives and takes, no one should do it. It's always a net negative, even for \"regular\" drinkers. \n\nPlus. Include other people in your process, break it down into a real decision to not drink. Make that decision a process to not drink just right now. Just right now. Tomorrow is whatever, but right now you can choose. \n\nRemember, cravings usually only last a few hours at a time. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7zxdon", "comment_id": "duremk6"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "I'm a therapist. What you're experiencing is unfortunately normal... I always tell my patients it will often feel worse before it starts to get better. It's like lancing a wound-- very painful, but you need to do it to get the infection out.\n\nThat being said, talk to your therapist about your concern. Your therapist should be able to help you through this.\n\nGood luck. I know this isn't easy. It does get better.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckf1lpr"}, {"question": "Do any of you wear gloves outside?", "description": "I'm sick of letting myself get contaminated. ", "answer": "Wearing gloves outside is a compulsion unless you are wearing construction gloves for building or gardening, wearing a baseball glove for playing catch, or surgical gloves if you are a medical professional and doing a medical procedure right then and there. Otherwise you are giving into a compulsion that should be stopped immediately. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "523e28", "comment_id": "d7h3csn"}, {"question": "Client conflict in meetings", "description": "Question for those of you that work in fields such as social work, addiction & law: \nDo you have professional meetings that you go to so that you can avoid seeing clients?\nHow do you handle seeing a client at a meeting?\nIt was suggested to me to go to small meetings or out of town meetings for my new job. The likelihood that I would have a client in a larger meeting is extremely high and I would not want to make that person uncomfortable (I would leave). I also don't want to **not** go to meetings like many in my profession here.", "answer": "I have been struggling with this a bit myself lately. I'm in my last year of my degree and have had a few clients from my internship site show up at my home group. In my area we have as many as 100 AA meetings a day but from what I can find, there's only one closed meeting for health care professionals all week :-\\ From the AA side, the answer is easier because we are all just drunks on equal footing, trying to stay sober together. From the professional side it's more difficult, the ethical code can be vague depending on which one you're following, and I've gotten a variety of answers, from \"Leave immediately!\" to \"It's OK to stay, just avoid the client and don't share.\" \n\nI've gotten these suggestions so far:\n\n- go to meetings in a different part of town than i work in (not quite workable for me as my work gets clients from all over)\n\n- go to smaller meetings/a smaller or different 12 step fellowship than the one my clients generally attend (this works best for me right now)\n\n- call your local intergroup office or a local treatment agency and ask them\n\n- talk to other professionals if you know and feel comfortable with any who are also in recovery", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "5o5fia", "comment_id": "dci61q8"}, {"question": "Question about brain MRIs", "description": "If you have a language issue with expressing and processing language, would the cause always be apparent from an MRI? For example, both a person with a brain injury and someone with autism can have this language issue. Would the \"damage\" or variation of the brain only show up in the scan of the person with the brain injury or can it also be seen in the scan of the person with autism? \n\nThank you! I hope my question makes sense.\n\n\n25, F, 5'6, 130 lb, white\n\n", "answer": "There's research into what differences visible on MRI show up in autism and a variety of other conditions, but nothing that's considered clear and diagnostic. Strokes or traumatic brain injury are easy to see. Autism and personality differences are not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gcvgf", "comment_id": "dyan7kv"}, {"question": "Movies about Recovery", "description": "I watched the movie Flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial. I found it to be a really great, inspiring movie. It does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch. I did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a Yuengling bottle, my poison of choice). \nAre there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours? ", "answer": "I saw the documentary Anonymous People a while back. It was phenomenal film. Chris Herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1t0jvc", "comment_id": "ce35sw6"}, {"question": "Dear therapists of reddit.", "description": "Maybe this is some bullshit coming out of me, but I do see a lot of asking for help so I would like to ask:\n\nHow are you today?", "answer": "It was my birthday today. Birthdays are a bit hard. I end up looking back over the years and some of the memories aren\u2019t good ones, the good ones can make me sad too in that they make me long for those days and some bring up feelings of loss for loved ones that have passed away. My parents were here which was good to have people to spend my day with. Also felt a bit lonely not having close friends near by anymore and not having any where I live now. Also a bit disappointing and hurt by some people I thought were friends who knew it was my birthday, but they didn\u2019t reach out with any messages. Trying to be grateful for the few that did message me today, but it\u2019s still hard to shake the sadness of feeling forgotten and unimportant.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "euudra", "comment_id": "ffspkpf"}, {"question": "Am I wasting my time?", "description": "I (24F) have been talking to this new guy (26 M) for about six weeks. He\u2019s wonderful, so sweet, kind, anything you could ask for. My problem is that we work polar opposite schedules. His shift is 330am-2pm and mine is usually 4pm-11pm, I work a lot of weekends and he doesn\u2019t which doesn\u2019t leave much time for us to spend time together but we were making it work. He even introduced me to his mom. The last two weeks or so have been different, always some kind of pretty valid excuse about not being able to get together even if we\u2019re both off work. I haven\u2019t seen him and he hasn\u2019t made a huge effort, but he still calls me every day after work and sends cute good morning messages. I don\u2019t care about the conflicting work schedules because I get it, it\u2019s work. But I\u2019m starting to wonder if I\u2019m wasting my time or not? Or am I just reading way too much into it?", "answer": "If he's special, I wouldn't make a decision after 6 weeks. In another 6-10 weeks, the truths of the situation will be more clear.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73r3n8", "comment_id": "dnsjse5"}, {"question": "Grandfather experiencing confusion after TAVR procedure", "description": "88 year old white male, 5'8\" ~175-185 (he lost some weight after being hospitalized).\n\n* When he was in his late 40s, early 50s he had open heart surgery, had his heart shaved down, valve replacement (pig IIRC) and a pacemaker.\n\n* 4 years ago he was short of breath, went into the hospital briefly. Fluid was around his heart and I believe he needed a blood transfusion. They also had him on lasix to reduce the fluid. When he was released, he had minor memory issues. We're unsure of what happened, but possibly some brain damage from lack of blood to his brain. Discovered he had AFIB, put him on Eliquis.\n\n* Recently he had a fall down the stairs. He got really bruised up, but otherwise somehow had no broken bones, no internal bleeding, etc. CAT scan showed no bleeding in the brain. 2 days later, he complained of shortness of breath, and an ambulance was called. He ended up with similar treatment again, lasix for fluid reduction around his heart and lungs. After several tests, docs determined he needed two heart valves replaced. Additional tests concluded he could have this done via TAVR.\n\n* TAVR was done, via the underarms, one incision on each side. The procedure was successful, but he was extremely fatigued post-op and was in the ICU for two days. He complained of being exhausted. He didn't want to speak on the phone. Docs said his blood count was low, and he'd need a transfusion.\n\n* Transfusion was done, and his fatigue resolved, but afterwards he displayed a lot of confusion. He wasn't always entirely sure what time of day it was, who he was speaking to on the phone or via facetime (organized by the nurse). He was moved out of the ICU, but the confusion continued. They transferred him to rehab, as he was very weak and needed extensive PT.\n\n* He's currently at the rehab/nursing home, but we are having trouble getting any information from the nurses. They only asked if the confusion was new, and we confirmed this. We've been trying to get updates on how he is doing, due to COVID we cannot visit him. He has stopped answering his phone and doesn't seem to want to speak on the phone, we think because he's not very aware of what's going on, and can't answer our questions.\n\nSo I'm wondering: is confusion after TAVR common? Is it permanent? Is there treatment? Is it possible it's a side effect of the transfusion? Thank you for reading!", "answer": "Confusion during and after hospitalization is common, and the term for medically-caused rapid-onset confusion is delirium. Some things can make it more likely. Anesthesia and surgery are some of those things. Unfortunately, while he needs to be in an environment that can provide rehab and care, unfamiliar and confusing surroundings can also prolong delirium.\n\nIf this is entirely delirium, it should improve, but it\u2019s not linear. It can take days or weeks to get mostly back to normal and months to fully go away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "k84vth", "comment_id": "gew3x9l"}, {"question": "Bf confusion", "description": "Okay so me and my rn ex bf have been together for pretty much 2 1/2 years. We broke in the summer for a hot minute but still saw each other at LEAST once a week and talked all the time (so does that even count??) and so we broke up again about 3 weeks ago bc he said he didn't want to bring a gf to college but he loves me?? But anyway we didn't talk for like a week then he saw me at a basketball game and texted and said he's sorry for how he acted he's just sad in life rn and he doesn't know what he wants blah blah blah we've hung out twice and I'm kinda like should I do this I LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM but like is it worth my own self esteem and happiness to go through talking and hanging out (not dating) and he may just be like nah sorry. I need advice what should I do? ", "answer": "in a long tumultuous rel., it won't survive without professional help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t8mlc", "comment_id": "ddl182x"}, {"question": "Keeping busy", "description": "Ok, I am not Suzy Homemaker, but I am handy. When you are bored or stressed out, sometimes all you have to do is get busy doing something. Today, I disassembled my washer and scrubbed the agitator and made sure all my dogs were barking or at least preventing the agitator from going backwards. I won't gross you out with how filthy it was, but it's something you may want to do every decade. It was actually quite fun working with my hands again. I can't even remember what I was bummed about.", "answer": "I can relate tonight! Had an evening slump after an emotionally challenging Friday at work, and I decided to use a bunch of veggies and make vegan matzo ball soup as an experiment for the first time in my life (not a culturally familiar dish) and it totally turned my evening around. A satisfying, productive project can really warm the heart.", "topic": "MadOver30", "post_id": "dgovui", "comment_id": "f3dtux9"}, {"question": "Am I actually going crazy? Help please! (anxiety, other issues??)", "description": "So for the past few days ive been suffering with something thats left me with a lot of brain fog/memory issues when hungry. I get dizzy, fatigued, and lethargic unless I eat, and even after eating the problem is still not 100% gone. It has actually been improving over the past few days but last night was bizzare. When I woke up i was subconsciously rubbing my stomach and then after my eyes had opened, i had my hand in a position like I would hold my phone above my face. Please help, is this a form of sleepwalking or something? Or am i facing severe anxiety because ive been freaking out about my health issues. Also, everything feels weird right now, everything's like a daze and even though I can remember events etc. clearly I cant specifically point out things I did and when over the past few days. Thanks.", "answer": "I don't know what's going on, but I note your daily posts about your health. Whatever it is will only be reassured by getting a face to face consultation than from us on Reddit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xpcb7", "comment_id": "d6hkpux"}, {"question": "Brother has trouble sleeping, doctor's aren't offering much support.", "description": "Hi lovely people of reddit. My brother (20) has had trouble sleeping for around a year and a half. It started when he became unemployed for a long period of time, he was temporarily using cannabis to get him to sleep but he has very recently stopped smoking it which was the best thing that could ever happen to him. But, he's panicking because the doctors had prescribed him Zopiclone 3.75mg about 5 months ago when he started working again and are now saying they won't prescribe him any more after his last dose, which is tonight. I know him, he won't take much persuading to start smoking weed again and this is a very strong push towards that solution. What can he do? He says that his doctor is very abrupt with him and isn't the most kind/open doctor so he doesn't feel like he can talk to him about this stuff. \n\nI've suggested going to a different doctor surgery (there's one right up the road) or asking to see a different doctor. However I don't know if the reason why they won't give him more is because the drug is dangerous or any other valid reason, if that is the case what are his alternatives? \n\nAny help would be amazing, so thanks in advance!", "answer": "Since becoming unemployed, what does he do during the day?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "626vt5", "comment_id": "dfkmon9"}, {"question": "I'm starting to feel like reality is slipping.", "description": "This is just a rant. I feel like the lines between my dreams and what's real is starting to slip. A few years ago I was bored and alone, so I starting talking to myself. Eventually I realized that \"Myself\" seemed a bit too different from myself, and when I asked his name he replied that he was Simon Uekami. I didn't really think much of him, and since he was helpful for fighting off boredom and making decisions, I liked him quite a bit too. Ever since I started doodling him into my diary, I'd start to see him around too, but I could still easily tell he was unreal. Besides, to speak he needed to use my mouth.\n\nBut then on a test two years after his \"birth\", I was stuck on a problem on an English test. It was asking me who told me about how to solve it. Since there was barely a minute left, I randomly came up with the name of \"Eisuke Saitou\". After the test, I saw him floating off the ceiling, telling me that he was the brand new voice in my head.\n\nI have a habit of lying all the time. I used to think that I was the greatest person on earth, the smartest, a bit on the handsome side, better than average at sports and crap. After seeing hard evidence that it wasn't the case (bullied, kicked from school, many failures). I realized I was actually a shit human being who looked \"okay\" at best, sucked at sports, and was a bit smarter than average but not by much. So I set that as my goal, and started lying all the time that I was still the greatest. I figured that if I gave everyone false expectations, I'll work until they were fulfilled. A self fulfilling prophecy. It worked, to an extent. But then I started lying about the most basic things, like how the graphite dots in my skin were a result of being bullied. I was actually stabbing them myself.\n\nI lied to myself too, because I learned of the concept of \"false memories\". If I lie to myself frequently, I'd start believing them. Because of that, my most often told stories probably aren't true. To prevent anyone from ever finding out about the lies, I became paranoid in many ways, hating ever being touched, telling people my legal name, and even the general direction of where I lived.\n\nI kept a diary to separate fact from fiction, but it started failing me when I tried to implement the lies I told myself in there too. Simon and Eisuke never let me forget that these lies are lies, but now I feel like they're telling me sometimes that the truth is a lie as well. \n\nI tried to hug my girlfriend yesterday, but right when I was about to, I stopped. I realized that she wasn't my girlfriend, it was just something I'd dreamed about a week ago. Until the very end, Eisuke had been encouraging me. When I confronted him about it, he giggled and told me that he'd told me a lie.\n\nI have to check and triple check all the time with people of who they are and their relationship with me, and whether I've met them before or not. But I catch myself doubting even them sometimes too. If I'm listening to some dramatic music when I'm talking to them, even if they're smiling, it feels like they're about to accuse me of something. Simon and Eisuke are looking more and more corporeal too. \n\nThey still tell me that yes, they don't exist and they're just a part of my imagination. But when I do something out of character (be overtly excited, be cold and indifferent) I can't feel but think that I'm being influenced by them.\n\nI'm losing my grip on reality, or am I just lying myself that that is the case? What if I'm not losing it, and I'm just saying so to be a drama queen? Whatever it is, the only thing I can think of is to keep lying that everything is fine (invalidating this post), and keep saying that I'm one of the Greatest Losers.", "answer": "sounds like you should find a psychiatrist that does talk therapy, they could help you with the blurring of reality and non-reality", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hcf3l", "comment_id": "dqpw01m"}, {"question": "Tapering off Lexapro", "description": "Female, 25y/o, 5 foot 6 inches, 150 lbs, currently taking ranitidine and cyclafem, non smoker. \n\nI've been taking 10mg lexapro for seven years to treat anxiety and depression. After talking with my doctor, we came up with a plan to taper off it. 7.5mg for two weeks, 5mg for two weeks, 2.5mg for two weeks and then 2.5mg every other day for a week and then stop. I followed that except I added another week (so total of three weeks on 5mg) after feeling a lot of anxiety at 5mg. \n\nI think the plan worked really well for me, I did feel a little nauseous and have some brain zap like things happening the first couple of days after each step down, but other than that I thought it was really manageable UNTIL 2.5 mg every other day. I felt really nauseous, and now I've been off it completely for five days and I feel terrrrrrrible. My brain feels like it's several seconds behind my body, I'm still nauseous, and I'm in just an awful mood. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make this stop or make it better. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to manage this or any idea on how long this will last. ", "answer": "Usually it lasts only a week or two, but it's variable. One option is to ask your doctor to prescribe the escitalopram liquid to you so you can make more fine\\-grained adjustments. You could take 1 mg or 0.5 mg or even less daily for as long as it takes to be comfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jfdb9", "comment_id": "dyzp7bt"}, {"question": "Writing a book, don't want to misrepresent mental health", "description": "I'm writing a fantasy book in which one of the characters suffers from PTSD. I'd like to make sure I'm treating the subject with the sensitivity it deserves and hopefully not spreading dangerous misinformation about the disorder. I do have a scene written in which a character has a traumatic flashback which is the focus of my request.\n\nWhat I am asking for is ways in which I can improve my handling of the issue, and any mistakes I'm making. I'll DM the google doc link to anyone offering their kind assistance on this matter.", "answer": "As both a reader and a therapist, I definitely recommend having a therapist read through your full draft once you are done! That goes double if you write any scenes that involve therapy at any point, which are often veeeeery painful to read. :)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk8wh5", "comment_id": "fwvuyik"}, {"question": "Antidepressant that's similar to Tramadol antidepressant effect.", "description": "I would like to switch to a weaker painkiller than Tramadol for my chronic pain, but I also would like to keep its antidepressant like effects if possible. I have no reason for wanting to switch other than wanting to see if anti-inflammatory medication works better, and to get of narcotic like medicaion. Essentially I want a long term solution than an as needed pain killer.\n\nAge: 24\n\nSex: Male\n\nHeight: 6ft\n\nWeight:155ish lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nMedical Issue: Chronic Pain from joint damage. Pain scale 4-6 \n\nArea: Right shoulder, right wrist, right hip, right knee, left knee, and lower back.", "answer": "For that level of detail you might need a psychopharm expert, which I'm not. But from a quick look, Tramadol is an SNRI (among other things) so you might consider those. Duloxetine (Cymbalta) is a purer SNRI than some others, although the only way to know if that's especially good or bad for you is to e.g. try a SNRI/dopamine reuprake inhibitor like Effexor and see.\n\nIt could also be the 5HT2c antagonism that helps you, in which case good ol' Prozac is the easiest replacement.\n\nSadly we don't really understand antidepressants at the receptor level, so you could try those or try standard treatment with nothing in common with Tramadol and also have a good response, or try the \"similarly options and have no response. Those are where you can start, though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a2ou7", "comment_id": "dwvd55x"}, {"question": "Trying to rebuild my life (A bit of a long read)", "description": "Hey guys! This is my first post here, wich I'm afraid may be a bit rant-ish, vent-ish, but, at the same time, I'm looking forward to hearing your experiences and, of course, any piece of advice and/or motivation will be great! Anyway, here's my story:\n\n\nSome months ago me and my ex-gf decided to end our relationship for good. From that moment on, I realized how much I isolated myself from the world. During those two years of relationship, I devoted myself almost entirely to her. Talked to her everyday, and went out on dates pretty much every week. It's not surprising that I walked away from my friends, and I wasn't that interested in making new ones in uni. I just went to lectures, and came back home...for the last four years.\n\nToday, I'm about to finish uni, and I feel like I made nothing out of my social life. When I walk through campus, sometimes I bump into some \"friends\", we chat, and I feel good. But once I come back home, it hits me again. This feeling of \"I have no friends\". \nI say \"friends\" because, although they seem to like me, they not call me, or say \"Hey, let's get some beers!\" or something. Maybe they're just dealing with their own stuff but, I don't know, I tend to overthink about this from time to time.\n\nFor a long time I thought I was the introverted type, but recently I realized I was just trying to force a label on me. I actually have fun when I have the chance to get out for drinks, parties, and, let's call it, all the \"normie\" stuff, although I also enjoy reading, writing, and playing videogames, wich are more \"lonely\" activities.\n\nI've been struggling, on one hand, with the loss of my ex, and on the other, with rebuilding my life. I've made progress on the first one, but on the second, I feel stuck. Like I said, I'm about to finish uni, and I'm wondering where the heck to make new friends. Good ones. I'm trying to recover the old friendships (wich I can't see quite often since they're older than me, and they just have their own life, jobs, trips, etc)., wich is fine, but I want to feel I have a social life besides them. I want to go out, have drinks, attend to parties, or just fool around for the sake of the sake. And I know pitying myself for feeling lonely or for having thrown my life to the trash can because of a relationship gets me nowhere. I think I'm not that kind of type anymore. I want to work for this, and, maybe, with time, come back here and tell you guys how I got myself out of the hole I voluntarily thrown myself into years ago.\n\n\nAnd this is it. What do you guys think? What is your advice? How do I start? What's your story? I really hope any of you guys can relate to what I just typed, and hopefully, come up with a success story. I just want to feel it's not just me who's dealing with a similar situation. Thanks in advance, and hope to hear from you soon! Cheers!", "answer": "It's never too late. Although 2 of my 3 best friends I made in college (the other I grew up with) many of my close friends I didn't meet until after college when I moved to a large city. I found other guys that were around my age that lived close by that were also new to the city, we exchanged numbers and started hanging out, going to bars together, playing video games, etc. \n\n\nWhen it comes to those acquaintances that you have make sure that you're putting in a good amount of effort up front. Don't wait for them to call you or invite you to go to a bar or to hang out. Invite them. You may have gotten into a bad habit being in the relationship and getting so enmeshed that for a long time you didn't have to really put any effort in because what you would be doing socially was just habit. When it comes to making friends you have to put yourself out there and not wait for your acquaintances to contact you or invite you hang out. You may find the rare person or two that will always be reaching out to you, but most folks are going to wait to make sure you're willing to put in the effort too before they start. Some folks may become good friends, but just the type of people where you're going to have to do most of the planning or inviting. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9kqvm5", "comment_id": "e7155c5"}, {"question": "I need help about this one girl", "description": "I am 14/m. This one girl asked me out a little more than a month ago. I was really surprised and shocked that she did because I really did like her. After a week or so she broke up with me and I can't stop thinking about her since. I still really like her but I don't know what to do. I don't talk to her at school anymore because people bother me about it and it just gets awkward so now I only text her. Please help I don't know what to do, everything I do just reminds me of her. Thank You", "answer": "you just have to try to let it go. it's hard, but she's young and it's hard to figure out this stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6becsd", "comment_id": "dhlxcpn"}, {"question": "My therapist was like \"fake it 'till you make it...\" I actually was pissed. What the fuck do you think I'm doing? I'm faking it every day. I pretend to care at work, with friends, at the grocery store, etc. I'm sick of having a fake smile on my face.", "description": "I've been trying to do things that interest me, and even that's not working. I 'want' to put a new fender on my car, bought it, removed the old one, and don't care enough to finish. \n\nI've been embarrassed driving the car as is, but can't care enough to just do it. I don't care about work, eating, exercising, watching a movie, doing something online, etc. I just don't care. \n\nAnd it sucks. My life is stagnant and I wish I could move forward... \n\n&#x200B;", "answer": " It might help to distinguish between two things: what you do and how you feel. There is a well studied intervention for depression called Behavioral Activation which essentially boils down to motivating a depressed person to get out and do things. The theory is that, as the depressed person engages with the environment, they tend to get interested in the environment, and that sets up a self motivating feedback loop where the person becomes more likely to do it again spontaneously, and in that way depressive social withdrawing is undermined.\n\nWhat your therapist said felt invalidating, however and its easy to see how your pain seems to be glossed over and ignored. If your therapist was suggesting behavioral activation, he sure failed to help you understand why its a good idea and he sure missed how upset the instruction made you feel. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9pp1pr", "comment_id": "e84edzu"}, {"question": "\"ASK\" Documentary (Nov '16 Release Date)", "description": "I'm new to Reddit and had no idea a community of recovery existed like this. Very cool. I've been sober for 4 years and currently live in Dallas, TX and go to a group called DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous).\n\nI'm posting to share a documentary I've been working on with a team of addicts and codependents for the past 2 years. We want to encourage people by hearing stories of alcoholics, addicts, codependents, teaching, and hopefully laughing. Our film is nonprofit and will be given away for free online.\n\nYou can see the trailer of the film here: http://www.askdocumentary.com", "answer": "Just watched the trailer....can't wait for the release. I'm an addictions counselor and would love to be able to show this in my group sessions to my clients. Thank you for doing this", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "56021h", "comment_id": "d8h9fh1"}, {"question": "I need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "I am a huge fucking mistake. A big one. I h have a GED and no college degree. I am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.\n\nI recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. The pay, the people, everything. They treat me like shit which I deserve because I am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. I cry every night over this job. \n\nNow for my boyfriend and I and this is where the no judgement part comes in. We have been together for 2 years. I love him so much. But last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. I have severe social anxiety and I knew it wouldn't be good if I went. He had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. I ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. We talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. I am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. I am trying to be social and do more things for him. I am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. I need opinions on this.\n\nI know I sound messed up I was abused and cheated on. I am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a bad place. I feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSounds like you've been through a lot in your life. I'm glad that you are seeing someone IRL. You are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone. \n\nOne strength that I am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! Mad props to you. You have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. That takes guts.\n\nI would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? That would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. It becomes like a vicious cycle.\n\nYou have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. You are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.\n\nBut first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. Yea, that's easier said than done. Yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. Your counselor can help you out with that. Finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which I bet you are silently screaming for. \n\nThat's when the real work will start. Keep up keeping up for now. \n\nBest of luck to you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "d78iejz"}, {"question": "How to move on?", "description": "So I came to the concusion that she is just not that into me :( lol. It stings but their is nothing I can do to change this. Not a big deal time to move on, just one problem...\n\nIt is summer now, I'm out of school. I don't know how to meet people outside of school. I feel like finding someone else to talk to is one of the only ways to get her off my mind but I can't meet people outside of school...", "answer": "It sounds like you don't have a lot of friends, so you invested a lot in her which is now a problem since you realize she hasn't invested as much. You might be served well by focusing on finding others in your area with similar interests and focusing on building those relationships. I know that it's kind of generic advice, but there are a lot of posts detailing ways to do that. \n\nTry to focus on making it as fun of a summer as you can. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "290wu1", "comment_id": "ciggwy2"}, {"question": "How to get friends to trust you?", "description": "Anyone know how you can get someone (or more) to trust you very much?", "answer": "Be trustworthy? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "12samj", "comment_id": "c6xsu3m"}, {"question": "How extreme is my depression?", "description": "I'm a freshman right now at one of the top competitive colleges in America. Also, I have never been diagnosed with depression, or have ever seen a therapist/counselor. I don't want to say that I feel sad most of the time, but at the same time I'm never happy. I can be happy momentarily for my friends, but when I'm by myself, I just switch off. Reading a list of depression symptoms, I can relate to some of them, like excessive sleep, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, memory problems and being irritable, but at the same time I don't have symptoms like changes in appetite, feeling shaky, sweating, or having hot flashes, feeling lightheaded, sick to your stomach, or out of breath. I've always felt like happy people are just screwing themselves over for life. I just feel like sleeping or doing nothing. I'm never caught up on the things I need to do, even if I know I need to do them. Secretly, I wish that I would be in a fatal accident so I don't have to deal with the world. I have been like this my entire life growing up, but I don't even know if I am depressed. ", "answer": "Hey there, if it is interfering in your life (which it is, or you wouldnt be here), then you ought to think about seeing a counselor. All of what you described are symptoms of depression, and when you add in the thoughts about death, it sounds serious. \n\nMost colleges have therapists on staff that are fully trained and competent for these things. Maybe try seeing one of them?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "speds", "comment_id": "c4gadju"}, {"question": "Friend-zoned after 6 years", "description": "I've dated the same girl for six years. We were both each others first and ive always envisioned spending the rest of my life with this girl. A few months ago she told me that shes feeling more like a friend to me. She suggested we should go on a break. I resisted and told her we should try and work it out. About a week ago she said she was still feeling the same so i agreed to the break. \nShe told me that she doesnt want to feel this way and she always sees us together, and believe her. The break is only for a week and we say goodnight everynight. \nFirst, has this type of break ever worked for you? And second, is there something i should be doing to help this work?", "answer": "Having been on the other side of your situation, I agree with the other comments: this is a break up. Your best bet is to insist on a total ban on communication--it will either result in her realizing what she's giving up or it will ensure you get a head start on healing. Don't torture yourself by trying to be friends (not right away). It DOES NOT WORK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "o4ivd", "comment_id": "c3eb5bp"}, {"question": "My live-in [26/m] bf of 4 years is now living paycheck to paycheck while I'm [28/f] living financially stable. Should I stick around until he's in a more stable situation?", "description": "Since moving to a new city, my BF has been struggling with money. We split most expenses and I've been paying off most of the bills or he just owes me $$ (splitwise helps keep track of how much we owes me). The spark is gone. He's more of a roommate than a boyfriend. I'm worried I'm just sticking around for pity's sake. I feel like I'm in a relationship obstacle or some sort of roadblock. Should I stay and hope the spark comes back when he's struggling less with his work and $$ situation or call it good?", "answer": "If the pilot light is off, it won't come back on at this point.If it's flickering, and there's something to build on, and he has the same goals as you and a good plan, then maybe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75y7m8", "comment_id": "do9tqq6"}, {"question": "Can a trigger like this be addressed in therapy?", "description": "I have this trigger which causes me to almost cry when triggered. Every time I hear someone is having lots of sex it\u2019s like a signal goes off in my head and I think I\u2019m a loser,to the point where it causes me to cry,this is embarrassing to admit lol. I\u2019m 21 and still a virgin. I go to the gym and work out and I have relatively no problem talking to women,but every time they flirt I feel intimidated and do/say some asshole shit,which pushes them away,which makes me feel safe,but this leads to more loneliness and sadness. I cry/almost cry every day", "answer": "Yes this can be addressed in therapy. This is something that can be worked through before it worsens into something like a depressive episode.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e1fqs6", "comment_id": "f8owdsh"}, {"question": "Came here because just realized 4chan Doesn't care if I have Depression.", "description": "Hello reddit I am pretty stoned and I realized that I have had clinical depression for Years now and I now look back at the pictures in my phone nd my old pics from 2008 to present day (right now as I'm High) and I see How sad and lifeless I look and also how I have been the cause of everything bad that has happened to my family.\nI'ts basically a two part question..\n>How do I stop thinking about this so I can enjoy my High\n>What should I do about being in denial about depression and does treatment work or is it all psychotherapy?\n\nbecause If it's phycotherapy I'm afraid of the things I might say to the psychologist cause I would get sent to the psychward Forever.", "answer": "I don't feel comfortable giving you advice while you are high on a substance. The best I can say if you want to change your mood while high I would suggest listening to music that you enjoy and that would put you in a good mood. Try to switch your thoughts to positive ones just change what you are doing altogether. There are many types of therapy nowadays, it is not all psychotherapy. Wait until you are sober to revisit these thoughts. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3iuedg", "comment_id": "cujphan"}, {"question": "Has anyone been helped by medication?", "description": "I've gone through most of the medications, and I didn't feel like any of them helped. I'm on anafranil right now, and even that's not helping. Next I will try Paxil.\n\nI'm not looking for it to cure me...just to help me to think less obessively and make it a bit easier for me to not give into compulsions.", "answer": "Zoloft is my savior.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4h4s8w", "comment_id": "d2nik8b"}, {"question": "PCOS and weight loss surgery", "description": "Anyone here have WLS due to PCOS? If so did you lose the weight quickly or slower than average. I'd love to gain some insight before having a VSG. Thanks everyone!", "answer": "My personal concern wouldn't be so much that you wouldn't lose weight - you're practically malnourished so that feels like a certainty, even if it may be slower. My concern would be gaining it back if the underlying hormonal imbalance that caused weight gain in the first place isn't actually addressed or managed. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "97ifld", "comment_id": "e48xqiz"}, {"question": "The day finally came", "description": "M26. It only took roughly 2.5 years, but I finally got my own place and moved out of my parents house. Just over 2.5 years ago I graduated college, landed my first job, and moved back into my parents place \"temporarily\". I then spent 1.5 years getting drunk by myself most weekends and hating life. With another year of struggling to sober up, I finally decided it was time to move out and last night was my first official night in my new place. I even went on a 3rd date with a girl last weekend. I am still trying to figure out who I am and the last couple of months feel almost like a dream. All I know is for the first time in a long time, I am starting to like the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror.", "answer": "That cloud has been lifted buddy. Keep it up!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4401l8", "comment_id": "czmijs4"}, {"question": "I'm 35 today", "description": "The birthday party was on Friday (I didn't even need your help for this one) and I am just chilling now and thinking about life, how everything has been so much better lately - since I stop drinking. This is the life I want to live from now on. \n\nI would like to thank you all, you really helped me when I needed it and I know you will help me again.\n\nEDIT: thanks for all your wishes. I am so happy and proud to be here! ", "answer": "Happy birthday from myself and my father who are also celebrating a birthday today!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tyr4t", "comment_id": "cecuh5o"}, {"question": "Desperate, in need of some serious advice. Possible Neurological problems. Scared.", "description": "Hi guys, my wife is sick and I don't know what to do, it started in February of 2015, we were in the hospital with our son who broke his leg and required 4 or 5 surgeries with a possibility of total loss of the limb. My wife had her first migraine/severe headache in the middle of the night. We thought maybe she slept wrong and pinched something in the hospital chair or it was due to the stress of our son being in such severe pain. After we finally got home and things calmed down we thought they would stop. They didn't. A month or so in they were coming pretty frequently and then we noticed her left hand was kind of shaky, just thought it would go away. But as time went on the shaking turned to tremors and spread to all her limbs and head and neck. The migraines are 3-4 times a week with always some degree of constant headache in between. She has experienced these things that we think are called brain zaps in her sleep. She says its like a big electric bomb going off in her head. There are these spells she goes through where her eyes will start to black out and her hearing will fail and she will nearly pass out but hasn't yet. Sometimes her migraine will be so intense that she physically can't open her eyes/speak to me, the only thing pulling her out of these spells are an injection called imitrex that i give her and it doesn't totally fix anything. Just enough for her to deal. Sometimes she will go to the doctor and get a toridol shot but that only lasts a few hours to a few days. And now in the past 6 months or so her whole body itches severely. And constantly. But no rashes or spots or dry skin or anything. Just invisible itching. It's literally driving her insane. Shes been to the best doctors in the state at the university of Iowa. And not a single diagnosis. She's been tested for MS and Parkinson's Disease. She's had MRIs done. And nothing. I'm scared it's going to just keep getting worse. That she will never get better. I don't know what to do for her. I am desperate for something. Some kind of hope. Anything would be huge for me and GREATLY appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "It does sound a bit like conversion disorder. Has she had a psychiatric assessment?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52o240", "comment_id": "d7ma16v"}, {"question": "Ughhh!", "description": "Will the damn coughing out strings of thick phlegm ever stop! Shouldn't I be over it by now. Smoked since 16, 26 now. Should I go to el doctaro?", "answer": "How long has it been? Pretty normal for a few weeks, I think!", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "2cugum", "comment_id": "cjj8v53"}, {"question": "I am [21/f] and fiance [24/m] break up or save the relationship?", "description": "I need help as to what to do. I feel very isolated right now since I have no real friends to talk to and my family would prefer I not talk to them about my relationship with my fiance cuz they do not like him. I am considering breaking up with him. We have been together for 2 years and I feel like I'm the one who has been pushing himself to do better in life. He's very insecure and I try to be supportive and kind but I feel like I'm being too nice and am a pushover. For instance, he wants a family: house, kids, marriage, the whole works. But there's no foundation. I've been begging him for a year now to get his GED which he has the ability and access to get, so he can get a better job than the fast food cook he has been bouncing back and forth in for a while now. He changes jobs like a girl with shoes and that makes me very scared. I wanted to finish college but he wants to start a family and promises me that I can still finish school, but I feel like I'm gonna be the breadwinner of the family since I stay at my jobs and pay bills when they are supposed to. I feel like I cannot trust him financially and with our future. Also, I feel like he's controlling me in some way. we have broken up twice, each by him, every time I try to stand up for myself there is an argument and I end up crying frustrated and hurt cuz he used to say mean and hurtful things to me such as, \"Every other man would've left you but I stayed.\" which was during a situation when my mom got sick with lupus and became disabled and I wanted to be there for her. He wasted his money on weed and then asked me for money to help feed his nephews and niece (who were staying with him at the time). He says he payed me back all the money I have given hi and his own family by buying me bus tickets to go see him at his parents house in another state. He turns arguments around onto me, telling me that I'm wrong and I shouldn't feel that way. And as far as sex, there are times when I was so exhausted and he still wanted to have sex even when I didn't want to. He told me I wasn't attracted to him anymore and made me feel guilty so I ended up doing it. This has happened many times. He didn't consider my health, thinking my epipen serious dog allergy was no big deal until I actually showed him the doctors form stating how serious it was. Many other thins have happened that if I wrote them all down it would become a book. About eight months ago, he broke up with me cuz I told him I felt like a sexual object to him instead of a human being and I wanted to stop doing certain things I was doing with him because I felt uncomfortable. He said I shouldn't feel uncomfortable cuz it was him and we were practically married anyways being engaged. Anyhoo he broke up with me and we got back together a week later. I wanted to start over as friends, he wanted to continue where we left off. Guess which way that went. He says he's changed and I have seen drastic changes with him. And he says I can talk to him now and he won't get angry. He still gets insanely jealous though, even to the point I couldn't shower in gym classes with other girls cuz he was afraid lesbians would hit on me. I had to explain every one of my guy friends to him, and he checks them out on my fb all the time. I feel afraid that if I do talk to him he'll be like before. He has made comments on how he can't live without me and he has told me about past suicide attempts he had and it scares me that if I do break up with him he'll kill himself. I don't know what to do. He wants a family, but I don't feel ready. I wanted to finish college and get things organized for a family like a good job for both of us, a good solid place to live, marriage, things like that. Basically, stability. I want him to see the great things he can do if only he believed in himself more. I do love him and want to give him another chance, but I know I may sounds selfish for this, I want to think of my life too. I have put so much on hold for him: my education, my next to nothing social life, a better job, family, friends, my passion for music (my career choice) and even my health for him. I really do not know what to do. I feel lost and confused. I feel I may be acting like a selfish and horrible person. If anyone can help me I would appreciate it. Thank you. \nEdit: I am afraid if I break up with him he will try and kill himself. Or even come to my place and try to \"win me back\". Every time I try and stick up for myself he says that I've \"changed\" and that \"I'm not the girl he used to know\", for instance he wants me to send dirty photos and videos to him. I don't like having myself splashed out there for anyone to see if someone happens by his phone and plus it makes me feel cheap. I tried explaining that to him and he says that it's him and I shouldn't feel that way and I don't find him attractive sexually anymore and that it makes him feel insecure. When I try to tell him I'm not comfortable with it, he says I should cuz it is him and we are engaged and it's not a big deal. I end up apologizing after the argument and I feel empty inside cuz I did give in. He wants me to move in with him soon and honestly I don't want to. I feel like if I do, everything I have worked so hard for will be flushed down the drain and that one day he will hurt me or he will hurt himself cuz I will get so fed up with him and start a very heated argument or something. His father and mother are very violent with one another and so is the rest of his family and I feel like he will eventually turn into his dad (a very nasty man). If we have a child, we won't be ready for it, even though he wants a son very badly. I want real love, and I feel like he is not giving me the love I deserve. I honestly have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm at the fork in the road and need help.", "answer": "go to couple therapy. in 3 months you'll know what to do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5odk73", "comment_id": "dcij5qg"}, {"question": "What went wrong in my 2 years of CBT?", "description": "I was in an emotionally toxic environment. It started off just not good when I started therapy and escalated to truly toxic overtime. In the beginning I sensed something was deeply wrong with the toxic environment, but it was hard to explain. It looked great from the outside. Week after week, story after story, My therapist repeatedly told me to \u201cjust sit with it\u201d. He would say, \u201cWhat if that perception you have isn\u2019t true?\u201d. I was told to question my reality. I was depressed and didn\u2019t want to believe it. I basically feel like my CBT experience taught me my feelings of danger were wrong (they were right, I should have left way sooner, before it got so bad). My body and mind were rebelling and throughout CBT I was encouraged to \u201cchallenge that, where\u2019s the evidence, that\u2019s one perception of that interaction...try to reframe the experience\u201d there should have been no reframing - I was harassed and taken advantage of. I feel cbt convinced me I was wrong, the situation wasn\u2019t that bad, and I should \u201cstick it out\u201d I wish I left sooner. In hindsight it was SO bad. How can I trust any therapist/therapy or even my own feelings after this? How *should* cbt work here and when does the therapist step in (if at all) and say, \u201cyou\u2019re being emotionally abused, this is wrong, save yourself, leave\u201d.", "answer": "You'll find it's pretty rare for a therapist to ever say that last part to you regardless of what modality they work from. \n\nWhile I'm not a big fan of CBT in general, the way it should work is that they should have you considering all options, evidenced for, evidenced against, and making your own decision based off of what you come up with without the therapist pushing you towards any option or choice.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f64iq9", "comment_id": "fi4gw3c"}, {"question": "Serotonin Syndrome? 20F Prozac", "description": "So, to preface this, I have never taken an SSRI in my life, I do not take any other medication, I am 5\u20198\u201d, 107 lbs, and I smoke. \n\nAfter my first day of taking 20 mg of Prozac, I woke up with an upset stomach, and I was a little jittery, but it wore off throughout the day. But this morning when I woke up, I woke up around 4 AM into one of the worst panic attacks I\u2019ve ever had, and couldn\u2019t calm myself down until around 11 AM. During this I got progressively more confused and nauseous, until I started shaking, sweating, and dry heaving until around 12:30 PM when I laid down. Once I laid down my muscles started twitching, and I was either sweating profusely, or way too cold. I did have a fitful bout of sleep until about 4 PM, when I woke up and didn\u2019t feel as nauseous, but still felt distant and kind of dizzy. I tried to eat some soup, and my stomach started to bother me again, so now I\u2019ve been laying down trying not to vomit, shaking, sweating, and twitching for the last few hours. \n\nI\u2019m pretty sure this is Serotonin Syndrome, I think it\u2019s a mild case, so I\u2019m not gonna take the Prozac tonight. Should I still seek out medical help if I feel this way tomorrow when I wake up? I did call my psychiatrist to let her know.", "answer": "The internet seems to use serotonin syndrome to mean \"anything caused by increased serotonin.\" That's not what it means, although that's confusing. It's impossible to say without an exam, but what you describe probably wasn't serotonin syndrome. It might have been, but I don't think it was.\n\nStill, that's on the high end of unpleasantness from starting an SSRI. The first day is often the worst, but if it's that bad it's worth discussing with your psychiatrist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghe4nk", "comment_id": "fq8btac"}, {"question": "Could be a neurotypical brain thing, but how many people seem to have their ADHD ramp up when they get nervous?", "description": "I have an interview in an hour for a job that is as close to a dream job as I could imagine. The pay bump is decent just on the starting salary and it would be way more rewarding than anything I've done. \n\nWith kind of importance, my nerves are on the fritz. And now I'm typing this out to you guys/gals instead of making sure I'm prepped.\n\nIs it just a world-wide normal thing to not be able to focus when you're nervous, or does having ADHD just make it that much worse?", "answer": "good luck for the interview!!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nam undiagnosed - have session on Saturday - but yes, my brain goes completely panic haywire and I have to write lists\n\n \nHell, I have to go into job interviews with loads of notes...embarrasing", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aejlxl", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "Got a tetanus shot 3 weeks ago and still have pain in arm?", "description": "Im an 18 year old male and about 3 weeks ago I got a tetanus shot. Ever since I have had a pretty painful ache whenever I lift my arm. Should I be worried?", "answer": "Probably not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "76h50m", "comment_id": "doe4es2"}, {"question": "100+ temperature, given toradol and sent home.", "description": "Age:54\n\nSex: F\n\nDoC: 5 hours\n\nWeight: 200lbs\n\nRace: White\n\nMeds: Toradol\n\n\n\nMy mother has been having kidney pain, shes found out last year that she has cysts on her kidneys. \n\nThis morning she was feeling sick, migraine, nausea and she had a high temp. \n\nShe went to the emergency room had all her vitals run and some blood work and not any blood work for her kidney. \n\nMy mother was sent home after receiving an IV of something she's doesn't know and a toradol tablet. \n\nMy fear is that she's developing scepsis. Toradol masks fever. She says shes feeling better.\n\nI call the emergency room in anger for sending her home, I spoke to a nurse, whom asked me for her name, date of birth and holy fucking Im just thinking about this right now but according to her she was stable with no fever and she left stable with no fever, but what Im just realizing is didnt she just violate HIPPA?\n\nSo is this normal. My mom lives in Washington I live in Melbourne Australia.", "answer": "Without knowing what labs were done it's hard to pass judgment. The labs that are almost always sent are a CBC and BMP, a.k.a. Chem 7. The CBC is good, though not perfect, for detecting infection; the BMP is reasonably good at detecting kidney injuries. Most fevers don't lead to sepsis, and sepsis would need to present with more than just fever. And it sounds like she did not have a fever when evaluated in the ER.\n\nIf she gets worse, she should be all means return. But most fevers are unpleasant and brief, probably viral but never really diagnosed, and there is no treatment for them. Spending more time in an ER is unlikely to help.\n\nHospitals are allowed to give out some information. In particular, HIPAA allows disclosure of a patient's condition in one word (e.g. stable, critical, etc.) and location (particularly if discharged) to anyone who asks about a patient by name. A patient can request that information not be revealed, but unless he or she does it's legal to reveal it. Technically the nurse said too many words (\"stable with no fever\" instead of just \"stable\") but that's a big nitpick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ag5211", "comment_id": "ee3py4p"}, {"question": "Should I seek help from a psychologist or help myself?", "description": "I used to have GAD last year, but by taking care of myself, exercising a lot, meditating daily and losing weight, I got over it quite easily and happily, so I felt like I was invincible.\n\nThat's why recently I started abusing coffee and got a panic attack a few days ago. The panic attack didn't scare me off itself, but the aftermath of it does.\n\nYou know, the kind of feeling when you think you're done with it and it came back. I thought I was mentally invincible (I even skydived a few times last month without having a sweat), and now I got hit. I felt depressed by that fact alone.\n\nSo I started the journey I once successfully took to fight anxiety and panic disorder. I exercised more. The thing is, I also withdrew from coffee (cold turkey) and now the effect of caffeine withdrawal starts to hit me too. Generally, I feel anxious (but not too anxious), tired, got a horrible mood swing.\n\nThe only thing I'm not sure now is whether I should seek help from a psychologist or just try to help myself like I once did. I'm not sure if my current state is very much affected by the coffee withdrawal or the anxiety disorder has come back to me...\n\nWhat do you think I should do? Any advice would be much appreciated.", "answer": "If it's causing you problems/distress- it could very well be worth it seeking help from a psychologist.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2gn3tx", "comment_id": "cklfv00"}, {"question": "How do I politely but clearly ask a psychologist to... \"Cut the crap\" and get to actual treatment?", "description": "So, 4th time is the charm, eh? Or so i hope... I have been to 3 psychologists in the last few years. All gave me the same \"Just try to think about it differently\" level bullshit, that helped nothing. My depression and anxiety are now seriously ednagering my ability to finish university, not just On Time, but AT ALL.\n\nHow can I politely and respectfully tell a psychologist that \"Look, either we get to psychotherapy and/or medication within a month or thanks and goodbye\"? \n\nI know making a diagnosis takes time. I'm okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is spending months and hundreds of dollars sothat I can go to a strangers place for an hour to tell them about my week, and then listen to them advise \"Did you try just ignoring it?\" ", "answer": "1. If you are really seeing Psychologists, you're not gonna get medications from him/her. That requires a doctor/Psychiatrist.\n2. Figure out what you believe effective treatment looks like--and tell your provider *that*. Often CBT (the most evidence-based treatment for Anxiety/Depression) consists of reality-testing, looking for alternative perspectives or thoughts, etc... which sounds like it might be the modality you've experienced. If that's not working for you, perhaps more in-depth (read: long term, sorry) psychodynamic is what you need. \n\nHope this helps guide your thinking as you go forward with care providers. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7d5vst", "comment_id": "dpvdze2"}, {"question": "Anyone else feel that one messed up interaction ruins their day?", "description": "So today I'm so frustrated as I could have easily had a good conversation but instead fucked it. So I was walking to a cafe for no other reason than to just leave the apartment and someone I know came up in their car and asked if I wanted a lift. I shit my way through this interaction. I'm probably overthinking this but j felt as though I couldn't keep the conversation going and never got it to an area where we could properly talk even though we specifically spoke about a mutual band were interested in. When we got there he said something along the lines of meeting up for a drink once finals are over and I said yeah sounds good. \n\nHowever I was waking to the cafe after and felt that I fucked up the interaction by not being present and overthinking, now I'm sad as it's still early and I have nothing to do for the rest of the day and I'm just thinking about how they've probably got a ton going on. Sorry for the rant I just hate how bad I am at normal conversations ", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? A good therapist could help you break these negative thinking spirals, and make it easier for you to shake off a bad interaction and get on with your day.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4aocbr", "comment_id": "d131lga"}, {"question": "Question about psychotherapist (psychodynamic)", "description": "I just had my first appointment. I was extremely anxious going, and I left feeling even worse. The therapist seemed like a robot, I felt no human connection at all. Her questions were as if coming from a conveyor belt, all starting with same words. I work in different field of healthcare myself (not mental obviously) and if my patient seems anxious I do whatever I can to comfort them (and it always helps to some degree at least). So when I go to see a mental health professional who seems like she doesn't feel any empathy at all even though I'm sure she should see how bad I feel it made me feel very confused and anxious. Is this some psychotherapist thing where they are not supposed to show their feelings? Are all therapist the same regardless of the type of therapy (cbt etc.)? I don't necessarily mean I want someone who tells me it's all going to be okay and hugs me but telling my most personal fears to person who doesn't seem to care feels horrible.", "answer": "No, most therapists are not thins way. While this could sometimes be a feature of psychodynamic therapy, it isn't particularly common. Sometimes questioning can be like this when it comes to intake questions. Bring it up with her, and if things don't improve, it is probably time to find a different therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3npujy", "comment_id": "cvq968o"}, {"question": "[kind of an update from a previous post]I [31M] am being cheated on by my girlfriend [27F] and I don't know if I should pull the plug or fight for our relationship, we have 3 young kids.", "description": "Previous post:\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/6coqvx/i_31m_recently_split_up_with_gf_27f_of_7_years/\n\nSo thanks to you great people I now know what to do if I were to decide to end our relationship, which is to lawyer up and get separation/custody agreements in place for the sake of our children. But the problem is deciding whether or not it's time to give up and move on.\n\nI do want to provide a little bit of context, just to see if it helps.\n\nI'm being cheated on. It's a guarantee. She has been caught, and she has apologized profusely for it. I do think she's genuinely remorseful, and does actually love me. But here's the problem. I think she loves the other guy also and just doesn't realize it. Or to be more realistic, she knows she loves him, but she denies it to me. Like the original post first stated, the cheating had been going on for a few months, and it was with one of her coworkers. I had suspected it for a while because of the change in her behavior, but I never really had any evidence until late May, when I saw messages and images on her phone that made it perfectly clear she was involved in a secret relationship with this guy. Still, I had no actual proof that they were physical because she denied ever being physical to the bitter end, however she did completely admit to the emotional cheating, which is just as bad, but did apologize for that.\n\nImmediately after that, things changed with her. Right away I noticed she was a different person. She was more attentive to me and to our children. She stopped going out after work. She gave me access to her phone. She stopped texting and calling this guy (I was able to verify this). However there was still 2 big problems. 1) she still worked at the same place. Not a lot she can do about that, although admittedly she did begin to actively look for employment elsewhere. The second issue is that she used her employment with him as a justification to NOT delete him from social media (FB, IG, and Snapchat, sigh) because she feared it would create an awkward work environment, and that he was \"crazy\" so she didn't want any drama. She never really ever elaborated on these \"crazy\" and \"work drama\" claims, and attempts by me for her to clarify only resulted in us fighting, so I usually dropped the argument. Unfortunately, I could never let it go, so any time I noticed that she would send him a Snapchat message, I would get angry and a fight would ensue. However she would never delete/block him, and instead turned everything around on me to where I would feel bad even arguing with her. This went on for a few weeks. Literally every since argument we had was because of her continued interaction with this guy. It's like, how the fuck does she not see that, given what has happened, she NEEDS to remove him from her life?\n\nAnyway, fast forward to last week. After about a month of trying she finally landed a new job that she is very excited about, so this would be her last week at her current job. Another big bombshell. She was careless and forgot to delete an SMS thread between her and this guy from that day, and I have all but confirmed that A) they have been talking a lot the entire time, and B) they HAVE been physical (because they spoke about in via SMS). I flipped out of course. But again, she continues to deny being physical and will not budge. Even after me telling her \"girlfriend, if you had sex with him I can forgive you for that, but I really need you to be honest and stop lying because I cannot forgive that!\". But she insists that they didn't have sex. Here's my \"proof\" from what I saw on her phone. In the SMS she invited him over to our home for sex after work because she knew nobody would be home. What she is telling me is that he did come over, but they didn't have sex because she started crying and couldn't go through with it. She's sticking to her same story that they have never had sex, but thought they might be able to today since it was her official last day of work, so kind of like a last hurrah for them. However the conversation via SMS wasn't consistent with that story, because they were talking like people who have had sex before several times, it even referenced a time earlier in that week that they had sex (I can't believe I'm sitting here typing this, wondering if this is still worth fighting for LOL). In fact, in this same thread they were even bickering like an actual couple LOL (he was acting jealous over a THIRD guy from their job LOL), and this girl has a boyfriend with 3 freaking kids! So guys, this is pretty clear. It's hitting on the fucking jaw. But tell me why I fucking forgave her again and BELIEVED her?!\n\nWe had a weekend trip planned the following day, which came close to disintegrating because of this, but we talked things through and went through with the trip. Again, she was extremely remorseful and cried like I have never seen her cry before, but she maintains that she has never had sex with him. She can't possibly be this stupid, or think that I AM stupid enough to believe this, right? I am basically telling to just admit and I will forgive her, but she refuses to, and in fact says \"meme_dad you are just trying to get me to admit because you think it will make you feel better, but it isn't the truth so I'm not going to admit to it\". For the record, I don't believe her, but even then I'm not taking any real action (hence why I'm here asking on RA). Anyway so we had a pretty great weekend. We had amazing sex, something we haven't had all year. Admittedly, the sex we have had this year has not been good. I take partial responsibility because I haven't been exciting enough. Though I would argue that the way she's acted pretty much all year has changed me emotionally, and because of that I went from being a confident guy who loves to fuck, to somebody who has developed insecurity problems. But anyway we had great, rough sex, and a LOT of it. We spoke about sex, a lot. For the first time she opened up to me about how she just didn't find me exciting and I wasn't pleasing her the way she wanted. Which again, was news to me because from my perspective her sex drive has been completely dead this past year. Hearing this made me feel a little good because it gave me hope. Maybe she's right? Maybe this is turning point for us? Maybe she's finally going to fucking leave this other guy.\n\nSo anyway the weekend was great, she told me she wanted me to marry her, the whole nine yards. She told me she only wanted to be with me and doesn't love anybody else, and she is very excited that I am going to be a lot more rough and exciting with her in bed because she has been needing that and hasn't been getting it. Like I said, this feels good (almost like a turning point for us), but I fear this might also be a form of manipulation.\n\nAnother thing she does that really confuses me is she still shows an insane amount of jealous towards female friends of mine. I think this might be a big key because I feel like somebody who doesn't love me or has \"checked out\" of our relationship wouldn't be so jealous about completely petty shit. She gets batshit crazy. Am I grasping to a straw here? LOL\n\nOkay so right now we currently stand in a state of \"we are going to work things out (again)\", but guess what? They are still Snapchat friends. She tells me \"I will block him, I just need some more time!\". Like, are you fucking kidding? At this point I'm no longer mad at her, I'm mad at myself for continuously ALLOWING myself to be played and manipulated. But you know what? I feel like I can handle it as long as I somehow know that she truly loves me and is truly going to change. Previous to this instance, she never had loyalty issues. But I do understand the saying that \"once a cheater, always a cheater\". Also, I will never see her as my pure girlfriend anymore because I genuinely believed she has fucked this guy. Which sucks, but hey, that's life. I can look past that.\n\nI guess I just need some opinions, based on everything you have read, do you believe scenario A), which is that she truly loves me and wants to make things work, but is for whatever reason obsessed with this guy and can't seem to quit him? I do honestly suspect that he probably manipulates her, but there's nothing I myself can do about that, that's all on her. She always makes comments about how he's crazy, and he messes with her head, but she's never really specific.\n\nOr, do you believe scenario B), that she doesn't actually love me and is just keeping me around for her own comfort and convenience. That she's just waiting for the right opportunity to leave me. I do have a good job and I do my own home. Without sounding like a dick, I do believe that, at least financially, if we were to split up I would be in a better position than she would. So maybe this is something she thinks about and is why she continues to play with me? I really have no idea.\n\nOr is there a third scenario I should be looking at?\n\nThanks for hearing me out, friends! I feel like I should already know the answers to these question, but the truth is that I do love this woman and she is the mother of my kids, so a big part of me wants to stick through this until the bitter end. I don't think anyway wants to be the person to tell their kids \"ultimately I gave up\".\n\nBut I really need advice as to whether this relationship is worth fighting for, or if it's a lost cause. I wish I had friends I can talk to about this, but I don't want people to know our business because it could demonize her, which would suck if we did end up staying together. But maybe that doesn't matter at this point and she should accept any and all ramifications of her actions.\n\nAnyway, thanks a ton!", "answer": "children are best off with, in this order:\n1-happy parents that live together\n2-happy parents that don't live together\n3-unhappy parents", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pecl9", "comment_id": "dkovxeu"}, {"question": "Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Syndrome?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6'5\"\nWeight: 180lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of Complaint: Months to Years\nGeographic Location: Pacific Northwest\nExisting Medical Issues: Anxiety (gee I wonder why)\nCurrent medications: Escitalopram 5mg\n\nProblems:\nPremature Atrial and/or Ventrical contractions (hundreds per day). Exercise makes them worse.\nTwitching all over body, especially in eyelid, flanks, and calves. Rarely does a minute go by without noticable twitching.\nLack of energy even when getting plenty of sleep.\nDull lower abdominal pain and bloating. Usually mild, occasionally severe. Typically worst in lower right quadrant.\nAcid reflux correlated with bloating.\nFrequent but small, irregular and often difficult bowel movements.\nUrination has become more frequent, and often cloudy.\nSharp pains lasting for a <1min and radiating from right flank to groin (\"colic\"?)\nHeadaches almost continuously.\nPulsatile tinnitus.\nRemarkably shaky hands (similar to what I see in 90-year-olds)\nHard plaque builds up extremely quickly on my teeth even when I brush well 3x per day.\nEpisodes of shortness of breath.\nPain/discomfort in legs with no clear cause (mostly knees, calves, and ankles).\nGenerally \"absent minded\" and forgetful.\nThree of what appear to be fibrous papules on my nose.\nLots of atypical moles.\nBack in 2016 a blood test showed somewhat high calcium (10.1 mg/dL) and low Vitamin D (21.8ng/mL).\nMost of these symptoms were present in 2016, and have only become more severe as time goes on.\n\nThe two different doctors I saw about most of these problems basically said that anxiety was the cause (not an effect), and that it would go away if I stopped thinking about it. Well, with the help of Escitalopram I managed to do that. I was convinced for about 6 months that it was just anxiety and quit worrying about all these problems. However, the physical symptoms just kept getting worse up to the point where I can no longer just keep ignoring them.\n\nI have noticed that this is basically a one-to-one list of the symptoms of Hyperparathyroidism, along with additional symptoms consistent with MENS1, which I did not know existed until recently. My brother has many of the same symptoms as well as a crooked and painful joint in one finger that has developed over the last couple of years.\n\nAs far as I can tell from skimming medical journals and disease databases, there is no other cause for all these problems in siblings that isn't far more unlikely (two unconnected cases of HPT is much less likely in 22-year-olds (about 1/1000^2) than one double case of MENS1 (1/10000), non-MENS familial HPT is so rare that nobody even knows the incidence, and non-tumor HPT is rare and typically doesn't cause symptoms). That sucks, because MENS1 is basically a guarantee of dying young from some really nasty cancers.\n\nAny opinions on this?", "answer": "To echo what was said: you have a bunch of nonspecific symptoms, many of which are consistent with anxiety. You have a high normal calcium\u2014and note the *normal* there\u2014and low vitamin D. And most importantly, look at the name: multiple endocrine neoplasia. The sine qua non of the syndrome is *multiple neoplasias* (tumors/cancers), which neither you nor anyone in your family seems to have had.\n\nRather than running the numbers on hyperparathyroidism (which there is little to suggest that you have) and MEN1 (which, again, there is little to suggest that you have), it's worth considering whether your symptoms suggest either disease. They would be consistent, but they are not suggestive; they're nonspecific enough to be consistent with anything, including no disease. (Depending on severity, of course, but it sounds like you've seen doctors and none of them have, for instance, assessed your tremor as needing neurological workup.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0fyyi", "comment_id": "eahiti5"}, {"question": "How do I tell whether she wants a serious relationship or just casual sex", "description": "How do I tell whether a girl at a bar that's flirting with me wants a serious relationship or just casual sex?", "answer": "ask her", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l90le", "comment_id": "djs4muj"}, {"question": "I [20/f] feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend [24/m], even though he gives me no reason to think so.", "description": "My boyfriend is delightful and respectful and caring. He has been helping me manage PTSD and family stress and health problems and he's never once complained or said anything that makes me feel bad. When I am with him I feel loved and happy, but when I'm alone I can't help thinking about everything he has to handle and how little I seem to be able to do to help him with his own problems. \n\nI honestly can't tell what he sees in me that he couldn't get from someone else, and sometimes I feel like leaving so that I can stop comparing myself to him. Also, maybe I'm too broken to be in a relationship at the moment? He'd probably be horrified if he knew I feel like that, but he already handles so many of my other problems I don't want to put another one on him by telling him. \n\nBefore him I always chose relationships with people who were less intelligent than me. I think I did so that I could feel secure. I'm scared that I'll leave him and go find someone I feel 'better' than, which I know isn't healthy. ", "answer": "i would find ways to improve your self esteem. Therapy could help too. There is no 'better'. People either love us or they don't, even if we're Einstein or weigh 900 pounds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68fuja", "comment_id": "dgy4v3g"}, {"question": "Has Anyone Struggled with No Libido After Getting Sober, and If So, How Have You Delt With It?", "description": "[\u5df2\u79fb\u9664]", "answer": "Get your testosterone and B-12 levels checked. There are shots for both.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "dtltxt", "comment_id": "f6xk40y"}, {"question": "I [29/m] came on way too strong to my love interest [28/f]", "description": "So the title basically says it all. We met, were great friends for a couple months. Hooked up, we confessed feelings. \n\nShe wasn't over her ex, things cooled off but I kept pursuing. Said she wasn't ready for a relationship. \n\nKept it cool, a month goes by, we hook up again. Things cool off again. I was confused and getting mixed signals. So I tell her I really like her but understand that the doesn't want something right now. She then said she doesn't feel the same way, doesn't feel like I'm a life partner... But wants to remain friends. We texted every day, now it's cooling off. I'm not texting her or contacting her until she shows interest again. \n\nI'm sad about it, and can't help but think I fucked up by coming on too strongly. She admitted she felt strong feelings for me but now she doesn't and is actually now pursuing a crush while then admitting that her heart is whimsical and changes. \n\nI'm not pursuing her right now. However I want your opinion if y'all think I have a chance to get her back in the future. \n\nTL:DR didn't pay attention to signs that I was coming on too strongly, now I scared her. Friend zoned as of now, can I get her back in the future? ", "answer": "give her some space and re-approach slowly.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5of82x", "comment_id": "dcivqzx"}, {"question": "I kissed his best friend", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": "This is going to sound kind of fucked up... But it might be an indication that your relationship wasn't meeting your needs. I am fully a proponent of owning your own shit and not being an asshole when it comes to having bpd. I hate to say it but we usually cause a lot of our own problems. But if you felt lonely in your relationship it might indicate you weren't getting enough attention?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "dpmgzp", "comment_id": "f5wngp2"}, {"question": "Having ADHD so severe that even other people with ADHD think you're just making excuses", "description": "Tagged as a vent I guess.... I have severe ADHD that affects literally every aspect of my life to the point where despite being medicated, I can barely maintain focus on a conversation and easily forget or don't absorb information and have to clarify over and over until whoever I'm talking to, usually other people who ALSO have ADHD, get pissed and think I'm just not interested or not listening. \n\nOr when I say i am going to do something and then even though I take my meds, it takes me HOURS just to get myself to start the task, which makes me look lazy or unreliable even though during all those hours, I'm literally on the verge of an internal meltdown because I'm like begging and pleading to myself to please just be useful like PLEASE just let me do this Very Basic Thing. \n\nAnd then when I get angrily confronted and I honestly say that it's because of my ADHD, bc it legitimately is, I get in one form or another the response \"well I have ADHD too, etc etc\" as a way of dismissing me as though I'm exaggerating, or not being able to access basic basic basic thoughts and words mid sentence and just freezing because I stop functioning out of nowhere, thus pissing people off by seeming like I'm just trying to annoy them, it's like.......... am I really just gonna be like this forever? Is my entire life literally just doomed to consist of people constantly getting pissed at me and then me not having any real way of defending myself?? (I'm beating a dead horse at the choir at this point, but dang this is so distressing I can't stand it) \n\nTLDR; I'm sad, folks", "answer": "I feel like this is more than ADHD. I would follow up with a psychiatrist or psychologist and ask for a full evaluation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "f43cbh", "comment_id": "fhp5h0k"}, {"question": "19- kids will be kids", "description": "My two kids are 3 and 4yrs old. One girl. One boy. They currently want to just play fight constantly, the boy actually ended up with a blood nose today as the sister just ain't taking any of his crap (lol, a body slam with a t rex costume on is vicious no matter what age)\n\nSaying \"noooo stop that\" 500 times a day usually would make me just go nope... Screw it... I'm getting drunk as soon as you both go to sleep. But I spent the evening reading the news and generally not screwing my life up any further.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "I hear ya. I have three boys aged 2 , 5 and 6. Between fighting, breaking everything and eating constantly they have me worn out....however as you say its not a good reason to drink ( what is !). Imagine these situations with a hangover !! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "95l48r", "comment_id": "e3tknuv"}, {"question": "(27 F) My SO (34 M) keeps saying I don't know about children, how do I get a straight answer?", "description": "Background: Together 6 1/2 years (lived together for 4). Plans for marriage when I finish my degree in 1 1/2 years (no engagement yet). \n\nI want to start off by saying although I can't see myself as a mother nor am I the mothering type I would be okay with having one child or no children. However, I refuse to try for kids after 30, too many risk factors. \n\nMy SO, on the other hand, goes back and forth. Last year his friend encouraged him to have kids and said he'd be a great father which I agree he would be. He came home we had good conversation and talked about the fact that his work has an adoption aid program. \n\nThen after every family event, he says f*** having kids. His cousins have 5 really bad kids. His sister's kids are really well behaved, so whenever we leave his sisters he never says that. \n\nFast forward to this past weekend. We went on a beach trip with his family. Unfortunately, his cousin showed up with his kids. Since we were sharing a suit with his sister the kids we constantly over. All the adults without kids and some with basically drank to tolerate the demons. Well, Saturday some of us adults escape to go have dinner. While waiting for our food his uncle asks him when he's having kids. He shrugs, and I say not after being stuck in a room with 8 screaming children. Everyone at the table starts trying to convince me not all kids are like that. I know this. I tell them so and say that I could live without children. His uncle looked at him and goes well is that what he wants. \n\nWhen we got home on Sunday I asked him \"Do you want to have kids, please give me a straight answer so we can be on the same page.\" He said I don't know. \n\nHis family is putting pressure on me to have children. I don't have a family, but my friends are also putting pressure on me. I feel trapped and like he doesn't have my back. I won't leave him either way. I just want a straight answer. I want to have a plan (control freak in me). \n\nHow do I get a straight answer out of him? Any guys that did this to their SO's? Any ladies that have been through this?\n\ntl;dr My SO keeps saying he doesn't know when asked about having children. I don't care either way, but everyone is hounding me and I'd like his support. ", "answer": "\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d is a straight answer. \n\nAlso straight: \u201cI won\u2019t have kids after 30, so we have 2 years before the window closes.\u201d\n\nSo is \u201cgive me a yes or no in the next x months or I\u2019m breaking up with you.\u201d\n\nYou guys are totally wrong about why parenthood is hard and 30 as a cut-off is artificial bullshit that is freaking you out. \n\nCouples counseling or individual therapy for you!\n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7txwth", "comment_id": "dtg3264"}, {"question": "I need to get clean, or I will lose my marriage.", "description": "I have been hiding my drinking problem for a few years from my wife. She has found random empty liquor bottles I have had stashed in the past and I always made an excuse and lied about it. I know it's a terrible thing to do to my wife, and I regret every thing about it. I came clean to her yesterday after she found numerous bottles that I had blacked out and forgot about. \n\nI have been starring at this screen for almost an hour, scared of what to do. Alcohol might have destroyed my marriage and I can't let it destroy me any more in the future. I have looked up AA meeting in my home town, but new situations make me anxious to even think about them. \n\nHere's too day one of the rest of my life. I really hope I can make a change and this subreddit will guild me to a new life. ", "answer": "Are you going to late anxiety take away your marriage? Go to the meeting.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1kvv7s", "comment_id": "cbt8h7t"}, {"question": "Simple, easy technique explained by Dr. Harry Barry to reduce the severity of panic attacks", "description": "See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze9mfIBn62E\n\nThe title is \"Zeminar Presents Harry Barry | **Banish Panic Attacks for Life**\"\n\nIt is counter-inituitive and might sound offensive at first, but he's a well-known expert.\n\nThis is his other video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Un_Ykh9y9Q", "answer": "He's always half completely right and half completely wrong. His ideas are sound at first but his application isn't what evidence or personal experience show to be accurate. \n\nYes you can't run from anxiety and expect it to decrease the next time. No, believing you aren't that important isn't going to decrease social anxiety. It will increase it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ezmuef", "comment_id": "fgpjk2r"}, {"question": "Problems with therapy", "description": "Dear reddit,\n\nI just create an account to get some help here. I have the diagnosis of depression for over 10 years now. And I failed 2 therapies. I want desperately want to start a new one, but I am really afraid I will fail again.\n\nThe problem is, I know where the problem is. I know, I cannot get out of this alone - but I don't know, what I should talk to someone about. I am feeling depressed, this interferes with my work, with my private life, with my family, with my SO. \n\nHas anyone experiences something similar and can you give me any advice how to get out of this? Please??\n\nTomorrow I will call a therapist and see if I can get a free slot soon, I need it. But I don't know, what to talk... ah, I guess I'm repeating myself...\n\nPlease, dear unlimited community. Help me with advice. I desperately need it :( Thanks\n\nEDIT: Also, I am just deeply frustrated with myself. I WANT to be different. I NEED to be different. I HAVE to be different. I just don't want to be me anymore. I also don't want to die, since I fear about death in general.", "answer": "If you know what the problem is- then that is a good place to start the talking. Just go in there and say whatever it is, just as you would say it to yourself.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1f5bnd", "comment_id": "ca72tro"}, {"question": "I'm humiliated...I'm gaining a fear of needles and I'm med student. How to overcome efficiently?", "description": "Suffice to say I'm a med student and suddenly I've been having bad reactions to needles(watching medical documentaries etc. that interest me and don't faze me unless we're verging on exploitation) recently. My wrists go weak and my pulse races, my ankles feel weak as well. I won't say I did well with needles as a child or enjoyed watching them puncture and be punctured but the reaction was less severe. I _think_ it's occasionally seeing nurses, doctors etc. shift the needle in the skin that does it the worst, to pull it out or doing repeated punctures being unable to find the vein.\n\nIt appears to be living creatures only, since seeing the dead get punctured or working with needles as I do often does not alter me. My assumption is exposure and practice is the only way forward, but I'd like to ask those around me. I'm...quite shy and may not reply to this, I'm just seeking others experiences.\n\n[Age, sex, location etc. not relevant and omitted. Apologizes if this is unconventional and not allowed]", "answer": "Consider donating blood regularly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "go6arh", "comment_id": "frf9pe6"}, {"question": "I just willingly asked my kids if they wanted to play a board game?", "description": "My methods of income tax procrastination never cease to amaze me.", "answer": "Husband still hasn't done his taxes from June last year and he doesn't even have ADHD!! What luck do we have???? Haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bbsp81", "comment_id": "ekltcj8"}, {"question": "Am I wrong for not wanting to talk to my grandma?", "description": "I love my grabdma so much but the thing is is I just moved. I lived with my grandma and step grandfather and at their house I had no privacy. They\u2019d just walk in and she was always talking to me and my she needs help a lot so when I was their I was helping nonstop because she\u2019s married to an asshole. I understand that she needed help but I moved now and again I love my grabdma but I honestly want space.. I wanna not talk to her for just a few days because she\u2019s so annoying I could never get a break all the 3 and a half years I was living there and now I want that break. Am I wrong for wanting space? I mean cause she gets so but hurt if I don\u2019t call her a second after she calls and she called me legitimately every few hours until I stopped picking up. I called her yesterday and the day before only once but tbh those calls were hell. I just want to be left alone for like 5 days. I put this in here cause when I think about it it sounds messed up to not wanna talk to your grandma but I can\u2019t help it", "answer": "I can understand how this feels. You\u2019re town between wanting not wanting to hurt your grandma and needing time for yourself. It\u2019s totally ok to need time for yourself and get a much needed break (especially after living with them and not having much space). Boundaries are absolutely ok to set, but you need to let people know there\u2019s a boundary. You don\u2019t have to be harsh about it (that doesn\u2019t sound like what you want to do because you don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings). Maybe you can say that you\u2019ve got a lot going on and will be really busy for a few days and dealing with some things and need some time for yourself so won\u2019t be able to talk. You can reassure her that you love her and that you\u2019ll be back in touch when things calm down and you\u2019ve had time to recoup from your busy (work, school, project whatever you come up with...make it semi legitimate like don\u2019t say you\u2019re feeding the homeless in Puerto Rico for 5 days lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "erl1pj", "comment_id": "ff4ohe9"}, {"question": "What do I say?", "description": "I'm 16, and I just got a girlfriend. We've hung out a few times, and I want to do something cheap. I want to ask her to come over to my house. I'm assuming her parents won't allow it, so if they won't, how do I ask to come over to her place without it sounding creepy/weird?", "answer": "\"Do you want to hang out at my house? No? You can't? Could we hang out at your house?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eyhev", "comment_id": "die1r3e"}, {"question": "Sudden blurry/unfocused vision possibly caused by antidepressants?", "description": "Age: 23\nSex: Female\nHeight: 5'9\nWeight: 140\nRace: Mixed race (Caucasian & Black) \nDuration of complaint: 4 days\nCurrent medications : Sertraline(Zoloft) 200mg \n Quetiapine(Seroquel) 50mg \n\n\nHello! So, 6 days ago I had my Sertraline dosage increased from 150mg to 200mg and my Quetiapine dosage increased from 25mg to 50mg. Ever since, my vision has been blurry and unfocused. I have never had any issues with my eyes or vision and was seeing perfectly fine before the medication increase. Is this a possible side effect of the increase? Should I be worried? Will it go away on it own once this my body is more used to the dosage? I have been on Sertraline for almost 2 years now and have never had these symptoms, same with Quetiapine.\n\nThank you for reading! ", "answer": "Possibly - but it should settle. As a general rule, if it persists longer than you think it should or its too severe, speak to your doc.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rg161", "comment_id": "dl5bm2g"}, {"question": "Anxiety help.", "description": "I drank to mask horrible anxiety. I got to the point where I literally couldn\u2019t go to work sober without major anxiety/withdrawals. I ended up in the ER twice because my blood pressure was going haywire. I eventually quit my job and have taken the time to get sober. \n\nIt\u2019s been great, my anxiety is almost completely gone after almost 2 months sober. I\u2019ve gotten my blood pressure under control. That being said, I haven\u2019t been doing a damn thing. Anxiety is at a 1 out of 10 for being unemployed at my parents\u2019. I have finally started getting some interviews, I\u2019ve gone to a couple with very little anxiety but on other days I just can\u2019t. My anxiety mounts and it\u2019s the only time I feel close to a relapse. I just cancel or no-show. \n\nI have taken baby steps and I\u2019m in a way better place sober. I used to only leave the house if I absolutely had to (drunk). I couldn\u2019t even sit still at my desk or focus. A lot of that was due to anxiety within withdrawals. Now I can run errands etc sober and almost even enjoy it. But certain days that fight or flight just hits and I know I\u2019m either not going anywhere or I \u201cneed\u201d to get drunk to cope. I had this tendency in the past, getting nauseatingly nervous to do something as simple as go to work or the post office. I learned to mostly squash it in order to be functional. I tried a shrink on a whim which lead to SSRIs which lead to my worst drinking then my new sobriety and here I am. \n\nThis isn\u2019t conducive to being productive in the work force. I\u2019m wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or has any advice. \n\nTL; DR\n\nAnxiety is manageable sober around the house but I get panic attacks when I have obligations. ", "answer": "Hi. Have a look at \"Panic Stations\" resource at Centre for Clinical intervenrions website, or others on same site such as \"What me worry\". They are good Cbt based, self-help manuals for anxiety. Iwndwyt. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94cson", "comment_id": "e3k9brz"}, {"question": "i still love my ex :(", "description": "my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be \"just friends\" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as \"just friends\", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied \"if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place.\" he also said \"i like the way we are now.. \" \nthe thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji \"\ud83d\udc4c\ud83c\udffb\" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup BUT WE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHERRRRRRR :'( someone pls help me :((((", "answer": "wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction. in other words, he has feelings for you AND he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2dzc", "comment_id": "dcg4tfs"}, {"question": "Do you develop a tolerance to a specific drug or a class?", "description": "An example would be that I've been taking 3mg of klonopin for 3 years (weaning off) and it has no noticeable effect on me anymore. Have I developed a tolerance to all benzodiazepines or just klonopin (I'm switching to gabapentin so I'm not looking to bounce from benzo to benzo)? I've been taking norco for almost a year now. Have I developed a tolerance to all opioids or just the norco? Do tolerances go away with time? Example being if I had to undergo an uncomfortable medical procedure two years from my last klonopin, will the benzodiazepine they give me have a reduced effect? \n\nLast question: do you develop tolerances to all medications? It's never been a concern with my antipsychotics or mood stabilizer.\n\nThis information is not important to the post, but I have to include it or this will be removed again.\n\nAge: 29, height: 6'2\", weight: 197lbs, have not smoked in 4 months, but did on and off for 13 years.", "answer": "Tolerance is a big area of study. The quick version is that tolerance isn't one thing but multiple mechanisms. Not all drugs produce tolerance, or at least not to a clinically meaningful extent. For those that do, there can be the phenomenon of cross-tolerance, where tolerance to one drug produces tolerance to another. As you note, that's more likely to occur within a drug class, but it's not necessarily completely equal, and it can affect drugs outside the class.\n\nBenzodiazepines do produce cross-tolerance, so if you're tolerant to Klonopin you're likely to be significantly, but possibly not equally, tolerant to e.g. diazepam (Valium). Opioids similarly. Yes, tolerance decreases with time, and that's actually something that often causes problems with opioid addiction, because what was a safe dose to a heavy user can become a lethal dose after even a fairly short time without using.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bldfxu", "comment_id": "emnm2mf"}, {"question": "Should i take pain medicine on a long term basis.", "description": "Dear Readers,\n\nI am 34 M . I have had back pain, back spasm for about 11 years . I lean on one side when I walk . I find it difficult to use stairs at my apartment and at other places . I like to think that I am like an elderly man . I even hunch sometimes when I walk. Bending is extremely difficult . Even standing for more than 5 mins is hard . I have become rather lazy because of the back problems . \n\nI have taken pain medicines like tramadol and it has worked wonders for me . But I stopped taking because my cousin ( an anesthesiologist ) told me not to because of long term consequences. This cousin is not my primary doctor by the way . My cousin says that pain medicines can damage liver and kidneys.\n\nI want to take tramadol or other related pain killers for the long term . I am perfectly healthy individual . \n\nWhat do you guys think ? Should I start a treatment plan right away after consulting doctor ? And if these medicines do damage liver and kidneys , then how many years do they take to damage them ? \n\n\n I think I can get so much more done with pain medicine . I would be able to do so many household chores. ", "answer": "It woild be better to be on non-opiate medications for long term use. Ever tried combination paracetamol/acetaminophen + a non-steroidal?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6jtvud", "comment_id": "djh0c7w"}, {"question": "They say those who are repressed in high school rebel in college. What happens to those who are repressed in college?", "description": "Do those who are repressed in college ever rebel?", "answer": "Sometimes. It gets a lot harder afterwards. While High School is probably the hardest, college is probably the safest time to reinvent yourself and be the person you really want to be. Folks are generally much more mature and open minded... so I'd say to push yourself. \n\nAfter college it can still be done, it's just much more difficult, especially if you haven't developed at least a few close friendships while in college. Being 21 and moving somewhere new on your own, being able to go out to bars, not necessarily having a ton of roommates but ideally a few (if you can afford it) can really foster a \"rebellious\" phase if what you mean is figuring out who you are, what you want, being that person without letting shame or anxiety hold you back. \n\nLike I said, it's possible, but there's never a safer or easier time to do it than when you're in college, primarily if you're living away from home. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9om21v", "comment_id": "e7w4vj0"}, {"question": "can i be a therapist with obvious self harm scars", "description": "[\u522a\u9664]", "answer": ">will having scars affect my work?\n\nI'm willing to bet it will help your work greatly. Unfortunately, it may make it difficult to get into graduate school. But honestly, I'd recommend staying away from a training program that is scared by people with lived experiences of struggles.\n\n>would it be inappropriate to show them/should i hide them on the job?\n\nDepends on the job; in the work I do (with suicidal and depressed teens) I think it would help a great deal to not hide them (not flaunt them but not be ashamed of them).\n\n>what should i say if a client asks me about them?\n\nIMO, the truth.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dzhh2x", "comment_id": "f88hz8p"}, {"question": "Whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "I believe edmr stands for Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing\n\nI know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc \n\nCan someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?\n\nIt would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "Just a note that this is VERY controversial in the field currently. \n\nFrom APA Division 12 (Clinical Psych): \n\n\"The theoretical basis for EMDR is that PTSD symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. The bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. The efficacy of EMDR for PTSD is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. On one hand, studies have shown that EMDR produces greater reduction in PTSD symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. On the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing EMDR to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. Thus, it appears that while EMDR is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. If EMDR is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of EMDR is beneficial for patients and the field. However, proponents of EMDR insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for PTSD. In any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding EMDR will lift.\" https://www.div12.org/treatment/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/\n\nFolks who support EMDR as a MECHANISM (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "flk9cyf"}, {"question": "Family doesn't want me to build another gaming PC out of fear I'll become a drunk caveman...", "description": "A few years ago I built a high end gaming computer. I did become a caveman and towards the end I was more of a drunken slob with a shit paying job... \n\nI sold my PC and put on my big boy pants, got a real job that takes up a lot of my day however I'm now your average American...\n\nMy day consists of up at 6am, at work by 8am, lunch is at 1pm at which time I chose to work out, 2pm I'm back in my office and I'm there until 5pm. My day is pretty damn stressful. So stressful I'm 24 and have high blood pressure. Because of the high blood pressure I take a medication that mixes horribly with alcohol. My heart flip flops every minute and I run tachycardic... So I can't drink. \n\nWhat do I do when I get home at 6PM? I'm a couch potato. I have nothing to do. I can't afford a relationship so I avoid dating. I also avoid friends because again... that costs money I don't have... \n\nThe gaming PC I want to build will take time to save for. I'm not sure what else to do because I've pretty much hit the spike in my life. When I was gaming it was the greatest stress reliever I'd ever had. 10 fold what sex ever relieved. Gaming was that 4 hours of constant gratification. I was having fun... I didn't have to worry about the bills. I was in my own world... \n\n\nBut my family thinks I'll revert to that fat drunk slob phase again... \n\n\n\nI'm stuck and it's tearing my brain apart. I'm tired of my boring couch potato life. I love gaming. I workout and I'm losing weight but that doesn't rid me entirely of stress. It's not that decompression I need to sleep. \n\n\nCan y'all help me decide?", "answer": "Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with spending YOUR money and YOUR free time on a hobby you enjoy. In fact it's healthy in moderation.\n\nHOWEVER, gaming alone will not relieve your stress. What is the root cause of the stress? That's the goal you need to tackle. Maybe you need a better job? Maybe you need a better living situation? Maybe you need a way to connect to others socially? And finances aren't an excuse here, if you have time - there's a lot of activities you can do for free in your community. Check out your local library, or tabletop game store, or take up volunteering.\n\nThere's nothing wrong with having couch potato time, in fact everyone needs some, but honestly, gaming is just a different type of couch potato activity. I say this as someone who has a gaming PC and plays like 2-5 hours almost every day. But it's important to have other goals in life that will move you forward in some way.\n\nYou've kicked the drinking and gaming habit in the past and made some progress in life in the past, and that's great! Worthy of celebrating! Keep going - how else can your life improve?", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9hvrd", "comment_id": "firovq0"}, {"question": "Should I just cut this girl off?", "description": "I met a girl on Reddit about 2 months ago and we had an instant chemistry. We went on to be really close for that time, messaging constantly throughout the day, videocalling for hours in the evening, sharing everything about our lives and being emotionally supportive to one another, sending gifts and we ended up falling for each other pretty hard and promised that we were going to work out a plan to meet in person. \n\nThen last week she went on an internet detox if you will, and then said that despite being romantically interested in me, there were too many factors in the way of taking it further, and that she was reconciling with her ex partner, but that she thinks I'm an amazing person and would love to be my friend. I was pretty crushed for a few days, but understand her reasoning. I questioned her request to be friends, but she said that genuinely, she really cares about me and would love to still have me in her life.\n\nNow it's like the absolute polar opposite of how we used to be. Anytime we chat she always finds a reason to go after 5 minutes and if I message her first then she doesn't respond for hours, sometimes until the next day despite being active. For example, tonight she messaged me and asked me how my day was. I responded to her and it took her 10 minutes to reply. I reply straight away and again it takes her another 10 minutes to respond. I again respond right away and then she has gone off fb without responding or even saying goodbye. I'm 6 hours ahead of her and I get the feeling she messaged me initially expecting me to be asleep, but when I reply she's waiting me out hoping that I get tired and fall asleep. She's explained it by saying that she has disabled notifications on her phone because they are irritating. \n\nI'm just confused. I'd gladly be her friend, I care about her and I think she's a great person and we really get on. But I'm not up for bs mind games, fuck that. If she would just tell me that she's not interested in talking to me then so be it, I'm not going to cry about it, I'll just delete, block and move on, because as much as I like her I'm not going to waste my time and mental energy on somebody who doesn't give a shit. The only thing I'm holding onto is the person I knew for those 2 months, she was literally my best friend for that time and I miss that. She's given hints that she genuinely wants to talk, like telling me to watch a certain show so that we can talk about it, but Idk if it's part of some mind game she's playing, trying to make me go crazy for her or something so that she gets an ego boost. It's doing the opposite, I'm losing respect and attraction for her every time she does this.\n\nIs she just playing games?", "answer": "She may be completely honest about wanting to be friends. She may also be worried about leading you on and trying to distance herself so that you lose feelings for her. Before she was talking to you and you both were into trying to make it more. She\u2019s now gotten back with her ex so may be scared he will get mad if she\u2019s talking to someone who\u2019s got feelings for her. As friends she\u2019s not going to be able to talk as much as you did because things have changed. She may have genuinely had feelings for you as well, but she\u2019s having to put them away for whatever her reasons are (distance and thinking realistically about how you would continue any kind of relationship). \n\n\nOr yes she liked the attention and you made her feel good (sounds like she was fresh out of a relationship and was feeling insecure and down on herself). Doesn\u2019t mean she didn\u2019t mean things she said, but she made the choice (right or not) to go back to her ex. She might be too scared to just end things totally with you. So it\u2019s up to you to decide if you want a limited friendship (which may not meet your needs as a friend). Or you say sorry this isn\u2019t going to work for me because I feel like we are less than friends now. It sucks and I\u2019m sorry that her behaviour is hurtful. It sucks when we have chemistry with someone that seems great and they don\u2019t work out for whatever reason.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fss8pj", "comment_id": "fm37dp5"}, {"question": "19 male uk. For the past 3 days I've been having what I can only describe as calm, irritating, panic attacks.", "description": "The basic symptoms of my problem are these: when I don't move my limbs very much they start to feel out of my control... as if they're falling off my body. They start to feel much more inflated than they actually are so that if I'm holding an object in my hands at the time it feels much smaller than it actually is. Mentally I feel as if I'm leaving my body entirely. These symptoms generally get worse when I look at a computer screen, phone screen, or the lights are on. If I move my body then the symptoms tend to go. Everyone I've told about them so far has suggested that these are panic attacks.\n\nExcept that I'm typing right now while I'm allegedly having a panic attack. I don't feel panicked at all. I feel quite calm. If I had to assign myself a negative emotion then I'd say that I'm irritated. Just slightly annoyed. Confused about why it is that this is occurring. I've checked my pulse and it's normal. My breathing is normal. I'm not sweating profusely. I could say that I do have a bit of a hot tingly sensation through out my body.\n\nAbout three months ago I had heart palpitations induced by marijuana consumption. I've had on and off palpitations since then. I have what the doctors have called benign arrhythmia, but the doctors are seeing me about that because it causes dizziness and blurred vision. Neither of which appear to be relevant to these other symptoms.\n\n6 foot, 75 kg, white, ", "answer": "Well, it's not a panic attack if you're not panicked. Could be medical. From a psychological standpoint, it sounds more like some of the symptoms of depersonalization/derealization. Not saying you have this disorder, but the feelings you describe are more in line with these than with panic attacks.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "3i7swz", "comment_id": "cue2qic"}, {"question": "[M/26] and can't figure out if [F/29] is really \"The One\" or if I am delusional, first world problems, or justified in what I am feeling.", "description": "TL;DR I have mental illness, can't accept anything good in my life, am questioning everything about my relationship that's perfectly healthy, all because my brain won't let me sleep at night. Do I stay with somebody who I make happy but doesn't do the same for me? Or do the selfish thing even though I know it would kill her? Throw nearly seven and a half years of work out because I have OCD?\n\nHey Reddit,\n\nRecently I have been feeling like there is an internal war about my relationship, and I can't figure it out. I am happy, things are good, we've been together for seven years, all seems well. We've been through college and university together, we both have masters degrees, life appears good. She's my best friend, we laugh constantly, we have a great time together, the sex is pretty good, and our friends all drink the same booze. Things really seem good, on the surface at least.\n\nHere is where the problem starts, she really has no idea who I am or what goes on inside my head. \n\nI was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at about 10 years old, and recently it was reclassified to Pure OCD when that became a bit more common vernacular within the clinical community. (I work in neuroscience and pharmacology and like to self diagnose, then take it to the doctors.) What Pure OCD means is that I have a really challenging time accepting things the way they are. The condition really tends to make me question everything around me on a regular basis, to a compulsive level. That means I struggle to find what might be rational and irrational when thinking about things, so I need some help. The old \"Should I say? Or should I go?\" scenario is making me beat myself up daily and I just need to get outside of my own head for a change.\n\nShe's a wonderful girl and loves me with all of her heart, that much I know for a fact. But I often question if I am the right person for her, she has several friends that she spends time with regularly and seems genuinely happy around, and who I could quite easily see her in a more successful relationship with. I worry that I'm either a burden for her, or \"sunk cost\" and she's too afraid to admit it. I struggle a huge amount to make lasting personal connections (sufficed to say orphan at a young age leaves some lasting scars) and she's really been one of the few constants in my life the last few years. I've gotten to feeling like I'm almost toxic for her to be around though. I act carefree and happy almost all the time, but when I have a rough day, or hard, time she almost takes it personally. Like it's her fault. It breaks me up inside knowing that I either have to be constantly positive, or know I'm causing her to feel shit. She should never have to feel that way because of me. More than anything, I just want to see her content, smiling, and joyful in life.\n\nWe want to have kids, and a dog, and an apartment in London. I just worry that she'll get to that point with me, and realize it's all been for naught. That she won't be able to deal with children if they turn out to be as difficult as me. That she'll realize who I am is not the person she imagines me to be. I feel like The Man Behind The Curtain most days.\n\nBack in October, I started working on a project with a whole new team from a whole new company that has a huge potential for some amazing things. On that team there's a wonderful co-worker that I get along swimmingly with and see a few times a week for meetings. We got to chatting one day after I made a joke about suffering from crippling OCD, as it turns out, so does she. We got to bonding a little bit over it and joking about how our partners must think we're nuts and it's become a fast friendship. What that lead me to realize though is that this complete stranger knows more about what's going on inside of my head than the person I've spent seven years with. It hit me like a tidal wave, to be honest. I've NEVER felt like I could be actually open about my strange ticks and the way my brain worked before.\n\nIt got me wondering if I'm kidding myself that what I'm in is a healthy relationship. Can I really be with somebody who will never understand every aspect of who I am? I've suddenly stopped feeling like I'm fulfilled by the relationship (mentally) where I once was. How do I go from being happy and carefree with it to feeling like I'm not being honest with either of us? How can something which has essentially been so right for so long have gone to rubbish? I've tried talking to the girlfriend about the mental problems I have but she really has a hard time understanding it, or maybe I'm just shit at articulating it. She gets hurt and offended and thinks something is wrong with her, despite my best efforts to assure her it has nothing to do with her. I'm lost as to what to do.\n\nThe last thing is the colleague. I want to be honest with her and tell her that she's been an eye-opening person to talk to. Truthfully, if life were a movie, I'd make some grandiose gesture and say \"Run away with me! You complete me!\" but that's not the world we live in. I could never do that to my girlfriend, I could never to that to my colleague, and I could never do that to her boyfriend. Doing anything like that would jeopardize, quite literally, everything in both of our lives. Is there a way to say something without saying it? Is there a way to acknowledge that feeling of finding a person you connect with intimately without making it unbearable? I feel like sitting in silence is my only option.\n\nSorry if this is a monster of a situation, I just have nowhere else to turn. Thank you to those who read this from the very bottom of my heart.\n\n", "answer": "do you have a therapist?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oek1j", "comment_id": "dcitavo"}, {"question": "My sister is in the hospital. She was bleeding from all orifices.", "description": "I got home from school and my mom told me that my sister was in the ER bleeding from the eyes, gums, nose, etc. Apparently she had absolutely no potassium in her body and her blood wasn't clotting. She has also been tested positive for cancerous cells. I'm really worried.", "answer": "Hugs. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2e89hp", "comment_id": "cjx4uks"}, {"question": "Quit smoking 4 days ago. Have had nausea and extremely low appetite. Worried about possible health issues and wondering if this is normal.", "description": "(Don't normally post on reddit so please forgive me if I'm unintentionally breaking etiquette or something.) \n\nSo as the title says I stopped smoking a few days ago, on the 4th of July. Before then I smoked every day for about 2 years with a few breaks once in a while. Since then I've had very low appetite and have barely been able to eat, which I expected. But I've taken breaks in the past and this time it's more extreme. Most times I've tried to eat during the past few days my mouth practically rejects the food and I involuntarily spit it back up instead of naturally swallowing it, so I have to force it down very uncomfortably. And even when I can eat I've been getting nauseous and throwing it up half the time. As a result I've had about one meal a day this week and thrown up almost every day. So far today I feel a little better and managed to eat most of a chicken sandwich without trouble but my stomach still feels kind of weird, though not nauseous yet. I'm getting worried I might possibly have an ulcer or something and I do plan on going to a doctor if this persists, but I don't know if this could just be withdrawal symptoms because I'm so used to only eating when I'm high. I'm a thinner male, 22yo, who's always had relatively low appetite and I typically smoke to help myself eat a healthy amount, so I feel it could be possible that my body just needs to get used to eating sober again. I'm obviously not coming to r/leaves for medical advice but I do want to know if anyone's ever experienced this when quitting and I figured this was the best pool of people to ask.", "answer": "Is normal, don't worry. Try smoothies until you adjust. Force yourself to eat food. Take b12", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "6m2dq1", "comment_id": "djydqc1"}, {"question": "I'm starting counseling tomorrow. I'm terrified.", "description": "I've suffered from depression for a long time, and I have an opportunity to start counseling via the Employee Assistance Program at work. My issues have affected my job performance, but my supervisors are being very supportive. They want me to succeed, and they want me to get help. I'm trying now, which I haven't done in a long, long time.\n\nI know at this point that I need help, because a few weeks ago I had thoughts that legitimately did frighten me. Not suicidal thoughts, or thoughts about how I should be dead, I'm used to those. This was a new low, a new level of self-loathing that I hadn't really encountered before.\n\nSo I made an appointment with a counselor, this isn't therapy, it's a precursor to that, but it's a start. I'm terrified. I'm so scared about going to that appointment tomorrow, but I have to do it.\n\nDoes anyone have any advice about how you START seeking help, and talking to people?", "answer": "Counselor here.\n\nGreat job taking first steps. They're the hardest.\n\nThe first session is pretty laid back. Like any relationship. You'll just chat about your life, interest, hobbies, etc. Eventually you may land on what's gotten you into therapy, but really the counselor just wants to get to know you. Your counselor's goal isn't to cure you in a single session. The goal is just to hang out for an hour and get to know each other.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "78dmat", "comment_id": "dotsra4"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "I have never been to therapy. I know I need it. Forgive my ignorance, I\u2019ve never been to this sub before either. \n\nI was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until I left without a word 8 months ago. I have heard of so called \u201cChristian therapy\u201d but I know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice. \n\nI guess I\u2019m technically an agnostic now but Im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. Very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.\n\nMy issue is I don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. Not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, I mean I don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on Sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church. \n\nIs this an appropriate ask? How would I go about this?", "answer": "I think it\u2019s more important to make sure the therapist isn\u2019t a \u201cChristian\u201d counselor, so that you don\u2019t feel religion is being foisted in you. I personally do not answer questions about my religious beliefs because there is often no \u201cwinning\u201d in that discussion, but I can reassure a potential patient that if they don\u2019t want religion to enter into therapy, it won\u2019t. We are trained to use patients\u2019 strengths and needs in session, not to enforce our own.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "eu1kkqx"}, {"question": "My TSH level is 16.09, I am a guy, how bad is it or what is going to happen if I don't get it treated?", "description": "Age: 24\n\nGender: Male\n\nRace: Indian\n\nDiagnosed with thyroid problem at least 10 years back.\n\n I am not regular on medication because I don't feel like I'm sick, so I take medicines for 3 months and stop them for 6-9 months and then start again. I am the only guy whom I know has thyroid problem and apparently more than 90% of the health related websites I visited didn't mentioned anything about guys having thyroid!", "answer": "A bunch of what u/rncookiemaker said is wrong.\n\nTSH is produced by the pituitary, not the thyroid, and is the signal to the thyroid to produce thyroid hormone (T3 and T4). If your thyroid doesn't work, your pituitary produces more and more TSH to try to get enough thyroid hormone and it doesn't work, hence the elevated TSH in hypothyroidism.\n\nHypothyroidism is much more common in women than men, but much more doesn't mean it's anywhere close to unheard-of in men. \n\nA high TSH is not sufficient for a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. For that you also need a doctor to check thyroid hormones directly, but it's worth doing, because one thing that other posters have gotten right is that untreated hypothyroidism feels terrible and can be very dangerous. You would need to discuss with a doctor exactly what thyroid hormone you have been taking in the past and how long ago you took it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8jl6l", "comment_id": "esnmrnb"}, {"question": "I made a big breakfast after months of not washing, barely eating, just not taking care of myself. It\u2019s been ages. I\u2019m proud. :D", "description": "I made eggs and bacon, peas, and some V8 for a drink. It\u2019s not much but I\u2019ve never made breakfast for myself and myself alone for a long time. It felt good. :D", "answer": "Good work. Move a muscle change a thought!!!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c7em09", "comment_id": "esfjd6e"}, {"question": "Vitamin D Deficiency", "description": "Hi there, I am 55 years old female (64 Kgs). A week ago, my GP advised me to have my blood work done. According to my blood report, I have a deficiency of Vitamin D. My Vitamin D level is 17 ng/mL and the optimal for a healthy person is above 30 ng/mL. The pharmacies where I live have both daily and weekly vitamin d3 supplements. Daily vitamin D3 supplements have 1000 IU, 2000 IU and 5000 IU. The weekly vitamin d3 supplement has 50,000 IU. I am very confused in choosing whether I should go for daily or weekly supplement. Which one would be more effective? Please help me out.", "answer": "I advise my patients with Vitamin D Deficiency to start with the 50,000u weekly supplement (cholecalciferol or ergocalciferol) for about 8 weeks, and then switch to daily vitamin D3 2,000u (or 1,000u if you are exposed to a lot of sunshine). Take with food that contains fat (for absorption). No side effects, and safe with medications/supplements.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "amhjo2", "comment_id": "efmimww"}, {"question": "Wife (34F) wants trial separation and I (35M) don't want to leave the house", "description": "Ok, so my wife wants a trial separation to see if she can figure things out on her own. Basically, I see divorce coming. \n\nAnyhow, we have 4 kids. We're going to start by living in different rooms of the house and just sort of keeping apart from each other, trying to actually schedule apart times. She is the one considering divorce, not me. She also wants to maybe get a separate place for this separation if the \"in house separation idea\" doesn't work.\n\nHere's the kicker: She wants to have both of us split time away from the house. So we'd get like a room somewhere and one week she'd sleep there and the other week I'd sleep there.\n\nI really really don't want to leave my house and kids. Am I crazy here? Should she be able to make me go out of the house so that she can have time with the kids and not just be a \"visiting mom\"\n\nI hear where she is coming from, but this separation is not mutual. I don't want to separate. Should I go along with this and split a place and split time away from my kids while we're still married? She said she does not want to divorce at this point.", "answer": "usually the one who wants the separation leaves, if that's what they want.\nbut....have you gotten counseling together?\nseparations only work if there's definition; set a time limit, and commit to not dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kyrbj", "comment_id": "dbron69"}, {"question": "How do I know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20F, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgDesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)\n\nThis is pretty straightfoward. How do I know of my antidepressants are working? I still feel suicidal from time to time and I am tired all the damn time. I like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. I got a job and I'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "That's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. It doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). Each of those possibilities would be handled differently.\n\nIf you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fk432li"}, {"question": "What your therapist expects from you on a session?", "description": "Does your therapist expect you to just tell them everything that bothers you or does he/she ask all the questions themselves? If you come to a session and you feel down and can't put what you're feeling into words, what does your therapist do?\n\nMy therapist expects me to tell her everything myself and decide what are we gonna talk about. If I don't know what to say she's like \"why are you not talking you're making it hard for me\". It kinda stresses me out if I don't know what to say. ", "answer": "As a therapist, I start every session with a mini mental status questionnaire and I'm also supposed to use a outcome rating scale which has my clients rate how they think they're doing in certain areas of their life. I usually spark conversation based on the results and try to just have a natural flow of conversation. I've also sat in silence with a client and while it's uncomfortable, I try to let my clients control the session.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6g7vqv", "comment_id": "dio8hdd"}, {"question": "Two Years Sober", "description": "I never knew I could have this life. I thought it was gone, and my chances of being a good, respectable human were as well.\n\nBut two years ago I put the bottle and dope down and changed my entire life.\n\nRecovery is possible! IWNDWYT", "answer": "Good stuff. Congrats!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "duihti", "comment_id": "f76o5wu"}, {"question": "Idk what to do about this", "description": "I was just in a relationship with a girl for 1yr, the breakup was weird, she told me she was feeling obligated to be alright for me (both of us had a very rough year emotionally) and that she couldnt focus on her artistic side because i would take up all of her thoughts, I tried to wait it out for a few weeks until she decided to actually end it (the week after we made it to 1yr).\nI ended up having a pretty big depression and she just seemed to be fine with all of it, even mocking the fact we broke up sometimes, i ended up finding a girl to talk to which helped me alot with all of this, althought i still really loved my ex.\nA few weeks back my ex invited me to her house and well yeah, she told me we could do this atleast once a week and that she still felt something for me.\nA month later we are kinda dating, i say kinda because she doesnt want to make it public right now, saying she doesnt want other ppl to judge our relationship or act different around us just because we were dating (which happened countless times).\nShould i wait for her?", "answer": "patience is a personal decision. if you're madly in love , i'd give it a month and see of she;s on the same page.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66jyml", "comment_id": "dgj2sra"}, {"question": "Was anybody else NEVER a normal drinker?", "description": "I was doing some thinking and I realised: I have never just had one drink, or two, and stopped willingly. Every time I ever drank it was until the alcohol ran out or I went home. I never felt like I had had enough, and I never drank for the taste. The only reason I ever drank was to get as drunk as I possibly could. I guess alcohol was just never meant to mix with such an addictive personality. Does anyone else feel like they were never a 'normal' drinker, and had alcoholic tendencies from the outset? ", "answer": "I've never had a legal drink and I've never had a drink while successfully moderating. For me I drank to excess from the get go, it's in my genes.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1zgffp", "comment_id": "cftrurf"}, {"question": "How do I cheer my [31/M] bf up? He has been really stressed out and needs a vacation.", "description": "He's in school and last semester was particularly rough for him (mentally). Once school was close to finishing up his car went kaput, and had to focus on fixing it when winter break first started. That in itself was disappointing. Once he fixed his car, after days of tinkering in the cold, it was time to worry about Christmas which he already hates so much because of gift anxiety. He was working on a tech project on the side for alone time, but found out someone had already done something extremely similar and has been really bummed out about it. There's still more family to see and obligations too. (I've already offered outs but he's stubborn)\n\nAs students, we can't afford a vacation, but is there anything I can do to cheer him up? I'm not an emotionally strong person so when he gets stressed out I become distant, to leave him alone.\nI want to take him out somewhere to distract him, but I fear that it will only make it worse.\n\nTl;dr is there any small gesture I can do/say to make my wound up BF more relaxed?\n", "answer": "suggest activities that take his mind off things", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfkg4", "comment_id": "dbnsbf7"}, {"question": "Memory loss problems", "description": "Hello I am (16) over the past few weeks my memory has been terrible, I can write and my text turns out to be pretty cohesive, its just some words I loose that I never used to, for example I lost a word and got frustrated. Yes I have been staying up late but a few nights ago I had a wonderful sleep (well I assume so) I am both annoyed and concerned just deprivation?.\n\nEDIT: I have reposted this so someone can provided a detailed response.", "answer": "Is this the only symptom?\n\nIf so, it's nothing to worry about. Chill and get on with your life.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jj856", "comment_id": "dbh72jx"}, {"question": "How to stop being an energetic black hole? ", "description": "Sometimes I'm a maestro in social situations. Other times, I feel like I'm playing out of tune. Just got back from a social trainwreck. My boss has taken me and my coworkers out to eat, and while they are laughing, I'm on the verge of tears. We can all feel the energy shift, and I'm definitely not on their level. This, in turn, has me going down, sulking further. Negative and critical hyper-awareness overwhelms me. And I can almost hear them under their breath say, \"What the hell is wrong with this guy?\" I wish I knew. More so, I wish I could fix it. Any advice? \n", "answer": "You might want to see a counselor. It sounds like if you had the chance to talk out some of your feelings with someone, you might find yourself in a better place to handle them. And in turn, being in a better place to handle your feelings would help you in social situations. Good luck! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vvjgc", "comment_id": "c584w3x"}, {"question": "Are these normal practices during psychotherapy?", "description": "I've been in psychotherapy for about 6 months. It's been helpful, but there have been a couple of therapies that I have been skeptical of. The first one is Internal Family Systems. When I'm having issues with rumination he'll say there are different parts of me and that I should have conversations with the different parts of me. So I'll have these conversations with myself as these \"different parts\" of me. The second is he's into Sufism. Sometimes he'll have me close my eyes and he'll say a prayer that's in Arabic (Were both white Americans). He's also an Enneagram enthusiast. \n\nI got the chance to ask another psychologist if that stuff was normal when I was getting an assessment done. He just responded saying that most psychotherapists take a eclectic approach and that those therapies, although strange, are probably harmless. ", "answer": "Let's just say that I wouldn't expect a psychotherapist in the UK to practice like this...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n8fd", "comment_id": "dffstjh"}, {"question": "I know exactly WHAT I should be doing, and WHEN I should be doing it. Why the hell don't I actually DO IT?", "description": "I'm sure it's been said a thousand times in this sub, but **time management is the bane of my fucking existence**.\n\nI have three major projects this semester. I'm only in a leadership position for one of them, and it's the smallest/simplest one.\n\nI know that if I could just spend **three hours a day, every weekday** on each one, I'd have them all under control.\n\nThree hours. That's nothing. That *should* be nothing. I take three Adderall a day and each one lasts 4-5 hours.\n\nExcept focusing on one task at a time, even with the meds is ***literally fucking impossible***.\n\nI have read so many tips on time management. I know what I SHOULD be doing differently. But I just don't. fucking. do it.\n\nI don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to get ANYTHING under control when this is how I'm forced to live my life.", "answer": "Starting is the hardest part in my opinion. Once I start I usually end up enjoying what I\u2019m doing. Instead of telling yourself three hours try 15 minutes. Just practice getting started ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7vrxup", "comment_id": "dtus6pp"}, {"question": "How can I get my insurance to cover more sessions?", "description": "I tried to post this to /r/AskReddit; but I guess asking for help with mental health issues gets you bounced. (Rule 2). \n\nAnyone have any luck getting more sessions out of their insurance company? (Kaiser in particular) My shrink just told me we are running out of covered sessions....", "answer": "One way to think about it is that there are two types of insurance systems in the USA: managed care and medical necessity. Original Medicare (types a and b) and some medicaid programs are medical necessity which typically means that so long as your doctor certifies that the care is needed to support your health it can continue to be funded. Managed care is more about requiring authorizations for periods of care which need to be justified each time they expire in order to continue. They make their profits by denying care essentially. Your problem is that you (or your employer) have purchased the wrong type of insurance. People do this because managed care plans are typically cheaper (because they offer less robust coverage) and many people don't see the value in a medical necessity plan until they get shit on by their insurer. Even then, the complexity of insurance plans is so great that ordinary people just won't understand how to evaluate which plan is a better fit for your needs. Tl/Dr: if you have a chronic condition, get yourself a medical necessity based health plan. If you plan to be healthy then managed care might be for you since it is likely to be cheaper.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4ux6sq", "comment_id": "d5u4bs7"}, {"question": "What is trauma", "description": "Does anyone else feel like they don\u2019t have a right to call something trauma because it\u2019s not \u201cextreme enough\u201d or just doesn\u2019t seem to make the mainstream cut... \nCan anyone relate?\n\nEdit: thanks for all the responses\u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "I use an example with my clients: if I\u2019m carrying a backpack with a 50lb dumbbell, or one with 10 5lb dumbbells, the weight feels the same. Trauma can be an accumulation of \u201csmaller\u201d incidents over time just as easily as it can be one huge incident.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fr3hp9", "comment_id": "flumb6k"}, {"question": "Any tips for being romantic?", "description": "I'd like to be romantic to my girlfriend, but I don't know how other than showering her with flowers and chocolates. Please help a frustrated but willing-to-learn chump.", "answer": "Hey, we all need a little help sometime. This is a quick list from Dr. John Gottman, a world leader in marriage research. These ideas are all pretty good, and can help spice things up! Everyone should give them a good read! \n\nhttp://www.lakemartinfamilytherapy.com/50%20Quick%20Connects%20for%20Couples.pdf", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gicu3", "comment_id": "c1nwqpg"}, {"question": "How the fuck do some users have tens of thousands of karma points and zero posts?", "description": "http://www.reddit.com/user/AussieBeast\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/Child-in-Time\n\nGotta be something going on. And what the fuck is this guy but a bunch of users joined at the bot:\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/user/StickleyMan", "answer": "Lots of people delete posts periodically. \n \nAt the time I'm posting this, AussieBeast has 2 link posts up, both doing very well. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1p3bfc", "comment_id": "ccygdg4"}, {"question": "Should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification?", "description": "My previous \"therapist\" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. She was terrible at her job. Is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? Sorry if my wording seems weird, English is not my first language.", "answer": "This is very typical. Every single form of therapist in the United States whether that be Master's level therapist or Doctorate level therapist must go through an internship while they're still in school where they'll be seeing clients and then work for a few years post graduating where the majority of time they should be seeing clients all without being licensed. While they're doing this, they're working under the supervision of a much more experienced therapist who they'll talk to about their cases. \n\n\nIt is not typical for a client to get to speak with the supervisor however if they want to issue a complaint, they should be given the supervisor's contact info. If the therapist is providing therapy for an agency, whether they're licensed or not, they will have a direct supervisor you can call and issue a complaint to. If they are working in a smaller or private practice, their supervisor may not be part of the practice but be an independent supervisor. If they are working pre-license in this way, they should provide you with their license supervisor's contact info either at the beginning of working together or upon request. \n\n\nAll this info relates to the United States and this may vary from country to country.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo7vu7", "comment_id": "feaqah2"}, {"question": "I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.", "description": "Long story short: I've been in and out of depression for as long as I can remember, but it really hit hard a year or two ago and stuck. I went to therapy for a year but never got much out of it.\n\nThe hardest thing was moving out and going to college a few months ago. The only people I hang out with are two of my friends from highschool that go here. Still, I end up spending most of my time in my room by myself. To add to the complete and total loneliness, my girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. I get that I'm young, and my relationships aren't exactly serious, but we've been through so much together, and it's incredibly difficult for me to love and trust people.\n\nThe worst part of it, I think, is that I don't feel sad or angry like I thought I would. I feel empty. Void. I know I'm probably furious and miserable somewhere inside but I can't feel it. It's like I'm out of touch with my humanity. I don't think about suicide (anymore), but I feel like that if I were faced with my own death, it wouldn't even bother me.", "answer": "Therapist are like shoes, they don't always fit you. Sometimes trying other therapists out is a good idea. I know people who have went to 20+ therapists before they found the right one. On top of that you are in college they typically have therapists on staff for free. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2m9uur", "comment_id": "cm3rtjb"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [15/f] doesn't text me [15/m] the same way like she did last month", "description": "So me and my gf have been together for a month now. Before we were together she was dropping a lot of hints that show she had feelings for me but I was \"slow\" according to her not to realize. So we met up and we kissed then told our feelings for each other and thats how it started. But now a month later it's weird she used to show a lot of hearts in the text and showed interest in me but now not anymore. I told her i still like her and told her why and she called stupid, though i think it was jokingly I don't even know. Our relationship is also a secret to others we can't act like we are together. Also when we take the train together she looks disappointed and shes on her phone. So what now?", "answer": "she's young. sometimes feelings are flighty. ask her directly what she's feeling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktgel", "comment_id": "dbqhesp"}, {"question": "Justifications in the face of real threat", "description": "In 5 days I undergo a hysterectomy due to precancerous and very early stage cancerous cells in my reproductive organs. \n\nMy doctor was very direct in saying \"think of each cigarette as marinating these cancerous cells\". Granted, my condition is not directly due to smoking, but it's likely progressed faster than it would have otherwise. \n\nI told myself \"I'll quit 2 weeks before surgery... ok, ten days... One week....\" While I've cut down considerably, I'm still smoking at 5 days out. \n\nThere is no true logic to this. Am I stressed? Certainly. Am I addicted? No doubt. Do these points make smoking acceptable? Absolutely not. \n\nI'm disgusted and annoyed with myself over this, declaring each cigarette to be the last, knowing in my mind that I don't really mean it. \n\nI wish I'd never started this so many years ago. \n\nToday really must be the day, or I must accept that smoking is more important than my health, my family, and my quality of life. \n\n", "answer": "You have to get a hysterectomy?! That seems pretty extreme. Did you get a second opinion? I was under the impression that they could scrape away precancerous cells on your cervix. \n\nI smoked for 13 years and was basically forced to quit almost two months ago when I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I was out after five days, but I figured I might as well just continue not smoking. All the other stuff going on with my health actually made it easier to quit. You should definitely quit before surgery though because smoking impairs healing.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "7aj0hs", "comment_id": "dpazl1y"}, {"question": "Bright red stool, help I'm scared", "description": "Well this has never happened before and I went to the bathroom yesterday at around 5 or 6 pm and it was all normal. But I just went and BOOM red stool, it was hard stool. Harder that normal but it wasn't really tough to get out. I just told my mom and I'm freaking out I'm sorry if I'm not giving enough info or my spelling is bad but I'm shaking and can barely keep my phone still.\nI'm 18 almost 19 and live in the us, I am a white male and am overweight but i plan to fix that (was gonna plan to lose a pound a week or try anyways for my resolution)\n", "answer": "Red as in the stool was red or that there was also blood around it?\n\n(Don't think it's anything scary so far)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5k2o0i", "comment_id": "dbkux7w"}, {"question": "Have any of you majored in psychology or are majoring bc of your disorders?", "description": "Personally I want to become a researcher once I get my doctorate and find new treatment methods or even cures to mental illnesses. What influenced my decision is what I've been through and my experience with bpd, chronic depression, and social anxiety. I don't want anyone else to go through what I live with. I just want to know if anyone is doing the same bc im curious lol.", "answer": "Yeah, I'm actually a LMFT. It's great ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5q9xgy", "comment_id": "dcxv0sf"}, {"question": "PLASMA AND ASTHMA", "description": "I've recently fallen on hard times and wanted to donate plasma for some extra cash. However, my local plasma center refuses if I've used my Inhaler within 90 days. My question is, for a my alburteral inhaler really effect my plasma where I can accidently hurt someone?", "answer": "I'm not knowledgeable, but I *think* the restriction is supposed to be for your safety, not the recipient's.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8j7bfv", "comment_id": "dyxilj4"}, {"question": "AA question", "description": "I was court ordered to attend AA. I don't like it. What bothers me most is the stupid sayings. I know AA helps people but I don't think I belong there. \n\nI'm not trying to troll. If AA works for you, that's great. I am mad to have this forced on me. I was wondering what you think of this video. I agree with everything in it. It would be great to hear some different opinions. Maybe it will help me get through ther next year. Thanks. \n\nhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-pRv6sdsMI", "answer": "This video is the essence of trolling. \n\nSorry you fucked up.\n\nWish you the best in life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1nh71z", "comment_id": "ccipc6t"}, {"question": "Best metaphor for (your) ADHD?", "description": "As a recently diagnosed middle-aged dude, I've dived into the rabbit hole of ADHD videos, forums, articles etc over the last few months and love some of the concepts people use to explain the condition. \n\n\nLong before I knew what ADHD was, my explanation for my state of mind was that my brain is a car with a powerful engine, but no transmission. All those thoughts and ideas don't make a difference because they can't turn the wheels and get any grip on the road. \n\n\nI've heard some similar ones, like Dr Ned Hallowell's \"ADHD brains are a Ferarri with no brakes\" - what are your favourite ideas to explain (your version of) ADHD?", "answer": "Mine is also a car metaphor, which is that everyone hits speed bumps in life, but while everyone else just slows down and continues on after a speed bump, it puts me into the ditch every single time. And then I begin a long and arduous process of towing myself out so I can continue on, only to find myself back in the ditch again after the next speed bump.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aere7i", "comment_id": "edrw4uo"}, {"question": "Wine is...", "description": "Wine is...\n\nTo my delusional brain:\n-Feeling \u201csexy\u201d and desirable \n-Very European and laid back\n-Sinatra in the background as I cook \n-A fragrant aroma on the lips \n-Deep conversations with girlfriends\n-Giggling and telling jokes\n-A \u201cdeserved\u201d break from the day to day \n-Letting loose, \u201chaving a good time\u201d\n-Being \u201csocial\u201d and \u201cfun\u201d\n-A harmless way for a gal to relax \n\nIn reality:\n-A pounding, relentless headache\n-Bloodshot eyes and red, swollen cheeks\n-Sallow, dry skin and stained, dry lips\n-Embarrassing myself in public\n-Fighting with my husband \n-Hanging on people, harassing them with my putrid, toxic breath \n-Bruises from origins unknown\n-Accidentally breaking my property\n-Careless, dangerous mistakes\n-Forgotten, meaningless conversations\n-Shallow/vague/indulgent confessions of love and appreciation to people who are in, actuality, mere acquaintances \n-Crying uncontrollably about things that happened 10+ years ago\n-Sloppy dancing and slurred sing alongs (aka looking like a total mess and fool) \n-Saying god-awful things under the guise of \u201cbeing honest\u201d \n-Insane and chronic anxiety and sadness\n-Regret and actual terror over what I possibly said and did \nThe list could go on and on and on...\n\nI have a friend\u2019s wedding in September and actually thought about having \u201cjust\u201d a glass the other day. I wrote this to hold myself accountable. IWNDWYT", "answer": "Very well said and so true. The picture of drinking in our head doesn\u2019t usually match the reality at all! Since my drinking became problematic, there was never one time when I woke up thinking..\u201dI\u2019m really glad I drank last night.\u201d It\u2019s more like you said; what the hell do I do or say. Are people pissed at me for something or did I manage to skate through without ruining a friendship or starting a fight? Or did I say something inappropriate or mean that has no resemblance at all to my true feelings or beliefs, either in the name of humor or to lash out for who knows why. For me, there is also almost always more drinking the next day to put all the things I just mentioned out of my head. What a miserable way to live!! Glad to be sober and hopefully have all of that behind me. IWNDWYT!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cd2x55", "comment_id": "etrmm9o"}, {"question": "Therapist is sleeping with his client", "description": "I am in a fight within myself regarding this one situation. A friend of mine confided in me about that she (38 yrs old) has started sleeping and dating her therapist. This therapist has convinced her that he is high up on the spiritual ladder, that he's really advanced in meditation and all sorts of spiritual bull and she's fallen hook line and sinker for him. He's 25 yrs older than her AND he's her professor at a special Emotional intelligence university. She has boundary issues stemming from abuse in childhood and she was involved with a married (again much older) man, whish is why she's been seeing this therapist. I am torn inside, in a way I think this is all about her adult decisions and so be it, but another part of me is livid towards this so-called therapist. How dare he! Should I report him?\n\nEDIT: Thank you, I feel clearly now that is is the right thing to do, to report. This guy should never be able to do this to anyone ever again. I know that my friend will despise and hate me, and that breaks my heart. I would love to just do it anonymously if that's even possible. Argh... frustrated here... ", "answer": "This is a really frustrating situation. To be clear, what the therapist is doing (assuming he actually is a therapist) is illegal and unethical. \n\nYou can definitely report it if you want .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hgt4sk", "comment_id": "fw5xqd3"}, {"question": "Currently on day 4 after smoking heavily for 2 years and want to share my experience", "description": "Sorry if this gets a little rambley, I'm writing this at four in the morning.\n\nI've been smoking nearly every day for about a year now and 3-6 times a day for a few months. I'm 21 and started smoking when I was 18, not very often at first, but the frequency gradually increased over time. Four days ago I decided to cut back on smoking, which turned into not smoking, since I'm running low on money, and I've recently gotten into song writing and get too self conscious to write while high. I've stopped before without problems, but this time I'm having difficulty sleeping and feeling a little cloudy. \n\nThe first day was by far the worst. I took night time benadryl because the day before I had a little trouble sleeping. I fell asleep at 2AM and woke up at 3AM with my body feeling completely stressed out for no apparent reason. I didn't consider not smoking the issue due to my previous experience with quitting, but considering the timing and every other factor, it's the only explanation I have. I was able to sleep the next night, but considering I barely got an hour of sleep, that's no surprise. This bring us to right now.\n\nI'm unable to sleep again, despite being tired all day. It's incredibly annoying, but considering that I dabble with other drugs which I can't sleep on, I'm sort of used to it. I only really noticed the fog today because usually when I stop it only takes one or two days for me to feel clear again. I imagine this is because I've been smoking more heavily recently. Thankfully, these are the only negative side effects of quitting I've noticed.\n\nPre-quitting, I've noticed that I'm a little more spacey than I used to be, but to be fair I've always kinda been like that. I blank on trying to find a word a lot more than I used to though, sometimes even a pretty common word, which is what really made me notice. I can't say whether or not my cognitive abilities have declined significantly or not besides the word acquisition issue. I can say that my motivation to do anything is shot as soon as I'm high though, which has definitely reflected in my studying/grades. To be fair I never studied all that much in the first place, but I digress. I'm also a rather anxious stoned, so I often decline offers to do things, which considering how often I smoke, is impeding my social life.\n\nNow on to the positives I've noticed since quitting. I'm generally a very messy person, always have been. Surprisingly, since quitting, I've without thinking cleaned up after myself after cooking, which was starting to become a problem because I live with two roommates and I know it's been bothering them. My appetite/control over my eating has also changed considerably. When I'm stoned I like to call myself \"The Great Devourer\" because if I have the option to, I'll eat until it hurts, which combined with a sedentary lifestyle has led to a rather hefty weight gain. Additionally, instead of ignoring something being on the floor that shouldn't be there and walking on, I take the half second to pick it up. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me these are some serious changes in my behaviour. \n\nI've also become more social since quitting. My roommate/best friend hasn't stopped completely like myself, but now he's limiting himself to smoking at night. We always end up hanging out in our living room, but when we were high wouldn't say much unless we had a comment about a show we were watching or had something special that we wanted to share from reddit and things like that. In general, no idle chitchat. Post quitting/cutting back, we've been talking a lot more, which while it starts at small talk, has lead to us having more in depth conversations about our lives. I've even shown him a song I've been working on, which would never happen if I were high. Like I said, I'm self conscious to the point of not even writing when stoned, let alone allowing someone to see it, even those I'm closest to.\n\nWhat started as a funding issue has turned into me considering quitting altogether, though I'm leaning towards just seriously cutting back (restricting to weekends or something like that). I still enjoy the way it makes me feel, and love how food tastes when I'm stoned. I'm confident if I can treat it as a special occasion as opposed to a casual daily event I'll be able to keep the benefits. Though for now I'm going to stay the course and see where it takes me. \n\nIf you've made it this far, thanks for reading. It's now 5AM and I'm going to try to get some sleep.", "answer": "No offense but it doesn't seem you can compare what's it like quitting to before if you are only on day 4", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4mi1ma", "comment_id": "d3w4d52"}] \ No newline at end of file +[{"question": "Do i have a mental illness/illnesses?", "description": "Hello ,im very concerned about my mental health.I am weak, a better looking (by some peoples opinon) geek,im not sporty.My life has involved lots of ups and downs. i have top grades, but those are the cause of all my problems, i am double faced.Often in public happy and humerous. but outside the public i am only a shard of a human being. I often at home have attacks when im mad i dont like scream i just land on my knees start crying and if ive done something wrong i start hitting myself on the side of my head. I am also a avid stalker i currently stalk 2 girls relatively my age, i also steal sometimes. If im unhappy with a situation due to people making me feel and treat me like scum i just want to e.g the classroom and say \"enough is enough\" go to the roof and jump off hopefully falling to my death (why does suicide have to be a sin?).I am overhauled with stress,i dont have time on my hands, my father all of a sudden puts in strict rules,i cant remember the last time my mother said that i did something good and shes a perfectionist so anything under perfect isnt worth it.I am unstable,have short memory,contemplate suicide and i feel that everytime something good happens to me 20 other things make the world kick me between the legs. i dont know/very skeptic about talking to people (although i do it anyway) and fitting in.and one problem manifests with other problems which make a bigger problem , i am afraid of being left alone and of denial. To say the least i am a ticking time bomb...", "answer": "Go see your doctor. It sounds like you may have a mood disorder\u2014impossible for an internet stranger to diagnose\u2014which can be alleviated by (most likely) a mix of medication and talk therapy. \n\nUsually I shout \u201ctherapy\u201d first, but you\u2019re in a bad way and I\u2019d want to be sure you get checked by someone who can prescribe first and foremost, and then ASAP get with a counselor or therapist who specializes in depression/anxiety. \n\nWhen you read those diagnoses, please know that, while we tend to talk about them as if they\u2019re run-of-the-mill, for those who suffer as you do they can be life threatening in their totality and severity for the sufferer. \n\nThe good news is that for most people\u2014with the right combo of meds and therapy\u2014they are highly treatable and you do not have to feel this way forever. \n\nGet help! It\u2019s there for you. The hard part is reaching out, particularly when you have anxiety related to people. Please know it\u2019s worth it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "77vx46", "comment_id": "dop46bo"}, {"question": "I\u2019m alive for only one reason", "description": "I want to kill myself so badly, I\u2019m just holding on to the hope that maybe one day, I\u2019ll find someone that I can say \u201cI love you\u201d to and mean it. And have them mean it to. If that glimmer of hope flickers out, I\u2019ll be dead. ", "answer": "Hold on to hope. It\u2019s possible. Get help. If you\u2019re thinking about killing your self right now go to the hospital or call 911. Call the national suicide hotline 8002738255. Text 741.741 for crisis texting. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7avmeu", "comment_id": "dpd9ij4"}, {"question": "Abusive relationship?", "description": "Hi,\n\nMy wife [40/f] and I [40/m] have been married for over 15 years and we have 2 young children.\n\nI think I have been the victim of emotional abuse for a long time. A few weeks she punched in face 2 times, in front of the kids, while I was driving over a trivial argument. This weekend, again while I was driving, and again in front of the kids, she started hitting me again when she lost control emotionally.\n\nI am not sure what to do, and I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to about this, so any advice would be appreciated. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "She's totally abusive. If you want it to work, insist she change and go to counseling. Or end it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72oba0", "comment_id": "dnk37y4"}, {"question": "Am I (20 M) a bad son for not being mentally and physically healthy for college?", "description": "Since HS I've been very depressed/recluse and an addict due to a bad relationship and bad choices, also some bad memories from childhood. I can work jobs fine. Due to my lack of health mentally and physically I had to withdrawal from college a few months back, I feel like a totally different and negative person from two years ago. I was so addicted and depressed that I told my parents I'd get help but kept doing the same things.\n\nFast forward to two weeks ago. Again I've applied for college and I'm working but then as soon as I realize college is soon I have a panic attack at night and had to go to the hospital for passing out. So I have to withdrawal again from college, this time I'm actually taking steps to get better but my parents don't believe me. Keep in mind I'm currently making an income, but my parents are flipping their shit about me not going even after showing them my appointments for the doctor and stopping all drug use. They think I'll do the same thing again, but I haven't lost any money from withdrawing from college. I really want to go but I'm so mentally/physically messed up that I literally feel nothing and have 0 order, so I feel that I need to make a recovery before going. I know I did mess up with college but I have to not feel this way and be capable of focusing/learning like I did before in HS so I can get good grades and be able to maintain a job while going.\n\nTL;DR: My parents are shaming me for not going to college and saying that I'll never go, but I'm only 20 and its only a 2-year degree. Am I a bad son for getting help and not going to college so I can get good grades and have a clear mind? Or should I go, feel like shit and maybe get ok grades and possibly drop out?", "answer": "You're not a bad son or a bad person. You've just done some things your parents and you probably wish you hadn't, like everyone else who's ever lived. Nobody's perfect. Don't forget that. The only real failure would be if you stopped trying to achieve the things you want to achieve. \n\n\nAlso, don't forget that actions speak louder than words. It can take years to build trust and one bad decision to lose it all. It could likely take a few years of you being sober, healthy, self-sufficient, etc. before they begin to trust you or give you any credit. Always remember that the world doesn't owe you anything. You've got to earn love, respect, and everything else you want. \n\n\nTo reiterate once more, in spite of all of this, your mistakes do not make you a \"bad person\" or a \"bad son\". They simply make you a person who has made mistakes. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ae835m", "comment_id": "ednvdcr"}, {"question": "I feel like all my emotions and feelings are meaningless", "description": "I can't even explain it I just feel like what I feel doesn't really matter. What i fear is irrelevant. And that sooner or later everyone will go. I cannot rely on anyone but myself. My parents are dysfunctional enabler/malignant narcissist. My family is nuts (not an exaggeration see my post history). I ride on my boyfriend's coattails. I have no friends anymore. I don't even know how to make friends. If my SO broke up with me I'd be alone and sometimes I don't get why he's with me when he could be with someone more like him who suits him better and can make him happier.\n\nWhy does it even matter.", "answer": "They aren't meaningless but they could be the result of you looking through a negative lens. It can distort how you feel. One of the tenants of dbt is opposite action, doing the opposite of what you feel in that moment. The idea being our initial feelings and thoughts are irrational and will need to catch up to our actions. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6l4u2h", "comment_id": "djrbtys"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "fht0r3e"}, {"question": "Anyway to calm an extremely overactive ADHD brain?", "description": "It really makes it difficult to sleep. So many exciting thoughts floating through my mind.", "answer": "You might find a weighted blanket helpful and deep breathing before bed. Maybe listen to a guided meditation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "acoyf6", "comment_id": "ed9t68s"}, {"question": "How to put yourself out there?", "description": "I've had anxiety for 6 years. It's not so terrible I can't leave the house or anything, but I struggle with things like ordering etc. I've met a fair few people through my best friend, and I want to get to know them better, but it's so fucking hard to just talk and introduce myself like a normal person. I'm so shy and quiet and I hate it. Any tips?", "answer": "When it comes to initiating conversations, ordering food over the telephone or anything similar, a helpful suggestion is to make a script for yourself. Write it down if you need to. Practice it a few times. Then start using it. The more you do it, the more confident you'll feel and will either have the script internalized or will be confident enough to deviate from it. \n\nex. \"Hi, I'm calling to place an order for __________, and that'll be for pickup/delivery. I can pay cash/I have a credit number for you.\"\n\nex. \"Hey, good seeing you again. What have you been up to lately?\"\n\nKeep it simple. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "72zhs2", "comment_id": "dnmv17c"}, {"question": "What are the consequences of being involuntarily hospitalized?", "description": "I recently lost my therapist, who was giving me a discount. Now I can't afford the co-pay anymore. She was the only person I've spoken with at length for the last three years or so. I don't have any friends, and my coworkers avoid me.\n\nSince then my depression has gotten exponentially worse, and I have a growing tendency to nurture really dark and destructive thoughts whenever I get shunned at work or I'm spending a weekend night at home by myself (I go out, it just never comes to anything). I've been drinking more too, even though my medications are supposed to be so hard on my liver that it's really not a good idea to drink at all. It's just that I don't care.\n\nTL;DR It's not out of the question that I might be forced to go into a hospital soon. What is the professional and financial impact? Does it make getting another job harder? Will you have certain rights taken away because of your medical history?", "answer": "If you're in the USA, there is no reason or way for your employer (present or future) to know about any of your hospitalizations without your written approval.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1rvkqy", "comment_id": "cdrehp9"}, {"question": "I want a friend like me, is that so wrong?", "description": "People say no they wouldn\u2019t want to deal with themselves and that they would hate being around them. Why?", "answer": "It's good to have a diverse friend group. \n\n\nI'm really lucky in that I now as an adult have a very large group of friends. Other than my wife who is legitimately my best friend (not just in the corny you have to say that kind of way), I have 3 best guy friends. \n\n\n1 is from childhood. We grew up with each other from the time we were about 5. We have a great shared history together and a lot of similar interests (we played hockey together, love sports, love the same video games and nerd stuff) but we're not very much alike personality wise at all.\n\n1 is my old college roommate. We lived together all 4 years of college and 3 years afterwards when we moved to Philadelphia. We have a ton of shared interests more on the in-depth nerdier and obscure side of things (fantasy, sci-fi, art, anime, music (specifically hard-core and more avante-garde type stuff), micro-brews, etc. We couldn't be more different people personality wise.\n\n\nMy last best friend is another friend of mine from college. We don't have some shared interests as is necessary in any friendship, but not the depth of the others. We get along so well and can get into plenty of heated debates and arguments because personality wise, we are the SAME person. Even taking the Meyers-Briggs, we get the exact same result (ENTP). I absolutely love this friend to death because we understand each other without having to spell everything out. I think this is a very important aspect of our friendship. ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8uql4m", "comment_id": "e1hy7lo"}, {"question": "I think my psychiatrist is withholding diagnoses. Do I have a legal right to know?", "description": "I live in Ontario, Canada.\n\nI was seeing a therapist for a while who said she thought I had schizophrenia. Since she isn't qualified to diagnose (and I've got a bunch of other shit that needs actual treatment), she referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw him once. He asked me if I thought I had OCD, to which I said no. He didn't say anything about schizophrenia.\n\nI met with my GP a bit later and she told me she had spoken with him and under his advice, prescribed me Seroquel, which is primarily used to treat bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which I've been diagnosed with.\n\nI also saw when my GP was looking through his notes on her computer that he wrote \"...probably because of the PTSD.\" He never said anything about PTSD to me either. \n\nDo I have a legal right to know if I've been diagnosed with something? I asked my GP to see that document and she told me I'd need consent from the psychiatrist because it's his private documents, but that doesn't feel right because it's something that was written about me.", "answer": "I can't speak on the legalities of your psychiatrist sharing your diagnoses with you, as I'm in the US. \n\nSeroquel is also used to treat depression. Even if it wasn't, a lot of medications are prescribed for conditions that may not be listed (off-label usage). \n\nAs an aside, you should feel comfortable enough with your psychiatrist to engage in a discussion about your diagnoses. Knowing what you're diagnosed with can be validating for some people, as it gives a name to what you're experiencing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e38hm8", "comment_id": "f91pup4"}, {"question": "After a year on meds, I finally increased my dose and I'm scared :( what happens from now on?", "description": "So after a year on 10mg adderall IR 5 times daily (50mg total), I've switched to 15mg IR 4 times daily (60mg).\n\nI was really really obsessively afraid of this happening. Adderall made a black and white difference in my life. It turned an extremely depressed and non competent me into the go getting extroverted person I've always wanted to be. \n\nI'm really scared. I don't want this to be a reoccurring thing :(. My doctor has said he goes up to 80mg daily, which is somewhat comforting, but what happens when I reach that and I need to go up more? It feels like a ticking time bomb with a minuscule fuse.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've read that some people find the right dosage and stay on it forever, and that's also what my doctor told me, but I'm worried that I wont be one of those people. I thought my dose right now was perfect, until it started slowly dropping off about 3-4 months ago.\n\nI'm so damn envious of neurotypicals :/", "answer": "Try to stop thinking. Hard with ADHD I know. It's black and white, it's helping. Don't over think it. When it stops or you reach 80mg worry then. \n\nThere are options, maybe ask your doctor what he does when 80mg is no longer effective, he'll tell you their are options and may put your mind at ease. Until then, don't think. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22fax", "comment_id": "eiq3258"}, {"question": "Starting to think grad school isn't worth it.", "description": "Classes started on the 8th and I'm already stressed to the max. The program I am taking starts at 16 credit hours. I thought working part time would make this a possibility. I've been crying daily I'm constantly studying, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I'm isolated, lonely, and my depression is growing. I go from eating all day to feeling too nauseated to eat. My night terrors are beginning to resurface. \n\nI'm meeting with my advisor this week hopefully to either drop a few classes or drop them all. I guess I just need to vent and hear that I'm not a giant stupid loser who failed at life. I just want to go back to being happy. Any stories from people who dropped out?\n\nSorry if this is the wrong sub to post. With my anxiety and stress right now all I can think about is my mental health.", "answer": "Are you able to go part time? Some programs have a window of time that you need to complete you classes in order to graduate. I myself am going to grad school full time, working ~ 30 hours/week, and am about to start my practicum 8hrs a week. Next year I'll move to internship at 20 hrs a week. It's busy and stressful as all can believe. I've been warned I will be burned out and some suggest I should go to a 3rd year, but I am determined to graduate with my friends.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7qqw9b", "comment_id": "dsrgpvv"}, {"question": "[20/F] Is it impossible to ask a guy to wait for sex?", "description": "I broke up with my ex boyfriend last year because after 4 months of dating I wasn't ready to lose my virginity. He was my first kiss, and going from kissing to full on sex was just a lot to handle. There were other factors in the break-up. I knew he wasn't over his ex from 3 years ago (yes, he pined over a girl he broke up with when he was 15/16). He also had anger issues and started pushing my boundaries. I had enough when he literally took his pants off in a parking lot in broad daylight and coerced me in to giving him a handjob knowing that was the first time I had ever seen a penis.\n\nIt just sucked. I broke up with him because the intimacy felt forced. Now I'm 20, almost 21 and haven't met anyone I'd want to date. I'm just worried when I start dating someone else I might not feel ready to have sex right away, especially because only one guy has seen me naked and that was a year ago. Will guys in there 20's wait a few months until I am comfortable? Or should I just give up on dating...?", "answer": "Don't worry what the boys think. They are filled to the brim with testosterone, which rules them. You be you...be comfortable...always......go as slow as you need to....never feel pressured.....If they can't hack it they're the wrong guy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kdd5b", "comment_id": "djlabwi"}, {"question": "My boyfriend doesn't treat me right but I'm in love with him?", "description": "We've been together for about a year now. The beginning was picture perfect for me and I couldn't complain about a single thing. While dating him, a lot happened in his life that was stressful for him. I ended up figuring out he cheated on me. I had already gone to therapy, and talked to my therapist to help me. I decided I was ready to move on and felt like he was genuinely sorry for a one time mistake. His true colors started to show as time went on (even before the cheating). He became controlling, and if I wasn't responding he would blow up my phone a million times. With us, we had highs and lows. But the highs were amazing... I know we're deeply in love and I've never connected with someone like him. But I don't know why he does these things to me. He got kicked out of his house lately and is living with me. I was okay helping him but he stole money from me too and wouldn't even admit it was him until I had filed a police report. Everyone acts like it's easy to leave, but I'm so dedicated and thought he was my soulmate. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because everyone else is telling me to leave him.", "answer": "if you love someone who isn't treating you right than the word 'love' has lost its meaning", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pq58g", "comment_id": "dcszz7s"}, {"question": "The window between 6pm and 9pm.", "description": "Do you guys find yourself going through your 'mental arguments' between 6pm and 9pm the most? I can go all day without thinking about it but when 6pm comes around... Oh a drink that inevitably turns into 8 would be nice.\n\nI also found if I can will myself to hold out until 9pm or so, I'm in the clear.\n\n38 more min left. ", "answer": "Oh yes..... It gets easier. I have 3 young kids, and often felt so exhausted/fed up after getting them settled that a drink seemed like the only solution.\n\n I'm now working on building a nice routine for this time....books, food, netflix. It takes more effort but it helps. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9esncr", "comment_id": "e5ry31q"}, {"question": "Puked up ssri before it was digested. Should I dose again?", "description": "Female, 20, 100 lbs, white. I took my usual vitamins (female multivitamin and 45 mg slow release iron) + antidepressant (10 mg generic prozac) this morning, and quickly started feeling nauseous (i suspect because my stomach wasn't full enough for the vitamin). I saw the ssri capsule in the puke, only partially dissolved. My question is, should I take another dose? I don't know if it's relevant, but I also take 30 mg vyvanse on weekdays (I skip weekends)", "answer": "10 mg is a low enough dose that there's no risk to taking a full double dose. Prozac also has such a long half\\-life that skipping one dose has little effect. You could go either way here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mi2io", "comment_id": "dznvkfz"}, {"question": "I feel like giving up", "description": "I can't take this any more. I feel like my brain is trying to find whatever bothers me a great amount and repeat it through my head the whole day until I find something that bothers me more. The only thing 20mg Prozac seems to be doing anymore is giving me constant Tinnitus, and this is the point where it's supposed to really start kicking in. I'm scared to do anything I like out of the fear of me associating it with something I hate. I'm constantly questioning everything that I've ever known. I can't even sleep. My life feels absolutely ruined and destroyed.", "answer": "Prozac isn't always the best choice for anxiety, so it may not be a fit for you. Don't give up. I took some meds that didn't help, and eventually found one that did. I know how torturous incessant OCD can be.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "46gu8s", "comment_id": "d051vfg"}, {"question": "[25/F] Gay friend [19/M] shows interest in me, BF [19/M] of 1yr+ doesn't know how to feel", "description": "**EDIT:** [update post](https://redd.it/6c4pdx)\n\nI have been living with my boyfriend L for over a year now; we're engaged and plan to marry in the not-too-distant future. We have a gay friend, E, who lives a few hours away, so we communicate mostly online. When we do meet up IRL, it always ends up with the three of us (or two if one is not present) cuddling platonicly.\n\nWe have known E for almost a year; I met him at a camp for LGBT youth that I was attending (but my boyfriend L wasn't). I sent L pics of me cuddling with E, and L got (understandably, but surprisingly) jealous until I told him E was gay and thus not interested in me.\n\nEver since first meeting him, I have had a crush on E, but I didn't expect anything to happen for obvious sexual incompatibility reasons. L has known about this crush from the start. I also ship E with L, since I think they would make a super cute gay couple; they both know I ship them.\n\nYesterday, E messaged me that he's probably more pansexual than exclusively gay, and that he has a crush on me. He also said he's interested in having sex with me. I immediately had L read the conversation.\n\nI'm not averse to the idea. The problem is that I'm asexual, which makes it harder for my boyfriend to understand what's going on. I'm actually demisexual, which for me means that I need a strong emotional connection with someone before sex becomes an option. In any case, I don't have sex for my own sake, since I have zero sex drive. Sex is something I do because the person I'm with likes it.\n\nAny advice on how to handle this situation, and how to help my boyfriend not panic?", "answer": "It will help everyone in this weird triangle if you stop labeling yourselves and start talking about what you want. \n\nGay pansexual dude is not a gay pansexual dude, he's a guy who wants to have sex with you. \n\nYou are not a demisexual asexual, you are considering having sex with someone who is not your (presumably exclusive monogamous) fianc\u00e9. \n\nTHAT situation is very straightforward. You can fuck the dude or not, ruin your relationship with fianc\u00e9 or not. Your choice. \n\nTo help your fianc\u00e9 not panic: tell him you won't be fucking other dude, then don't fuck the other dude. Then stop telling your fianc\u00e9 your sexual fantasies about the other dude. \n\nEdit: oh yeah, save the \"platonic\" cuddling nonsense for people you're not actively fantasizing about. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bh6fb", "comment_id": "dhmj2zz"}, {"question": "I relapsed (x-post from r/stopdrinking)", "description": "**i figured i should post this here cuz i post here too**\n\nI woke up this morning at 4:30 am still drunk from the night before. I was still tired, still wanted to go to sleep. But I was afraid that if I were to go back to sleep that I would most certainly die by choking on my own vomit if I were to do so. Over the course of the night, i had drank way more than i had drank in my life, yes even as an active alcoholic i never drank as much as i drank in one night as i did last night. I think i drank enough to kill a small human.\n\nI woke up with a vague recollection of some things, that i had to piece together by asking other people and txt message logs and shit like that. I was quite seriously out of it. I had only ever blacked out or browned out once in my life (tho, if it was more, would i really know?). I drunk texted someone who is like a co-sponsor, the person who got me to even think about quitting drinking. And he's quite pissed (i'm always worried that he's pissed but this time i know it's serious). I've pissed off a quite understanding Pastor friend of mine, who is in the program and is not the kind of person who gets angry (he's a lutheran pastor and they are seriously just happy that someone asks for help).\n\nWhy did I drink? Well, It started with a panic attack on wednesday night, i awoke at 3am with an intense pressure in my body, the same pressure i've had before when having panic attacks and didn't want to go to the ER at 3am. So i took what was handy which were some percocets that i got from my MIL. Yes, i know, i need to stop taking pills from her. I'm working on that. So I took some and went back to sleep cuz they mellowed me out. Then went about my day, things went great, i did some big things with church and stuff was very happy felt the best i had in a while, was so happy to have turned a corner. Later that day, i was sitting at home and decided to for no reason in particular to take a handful of percocet. woke up sick, took a few more, went about my day. woke up sick, went to therapy, felt like a dick for using, told 1 friend.\n\nThat one friend said i need to come clean. Asked around the webchat on sunday, was told i need to come clean about relapsing. Didn't want to have to go in and say, I FUCKED UP. Especially since, someone in a meeting (my former sponsor) told me I was going to relapse because I wasn't doing it for myself so it was going to happen. This was in response to me saying that, I didn't want to drink but was afraid I was going to relapse. I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're right. I didn't. So upon stress due to the pressure of having to be truthful, I drank. And I drank more than ever before because I couldn't deal with all the AA and shit that i've got going on in my head. It took a lot to get me past that feeling of guilt and shame.\n\nBut now i know, this shit will fucking kill me if i don't get it together. I can't drink like i did before going to meetings, because the first place i go is guilt. And it'll just be harder and harder because i'm driving away the people that want to help.", "answer": "I don't know if you work the steps, if not disregard.\n\nFrom what I understand of the BB, it tells me that a relapse, short of someone pouring a drink down my throat, is always precipitated by inaction on my part. From my experience and the collective experiences of many I know, if I do the things laid out in the twelve steps, and I do them to the best of my ability, then I won't drink. I'm not saying that I'll be insured happiness, freedom from panic attacks, and immunity to the opinions of others, but I won't have to drink. See from my perspective, a panic attack and fear of others didn't MAKE you drink. An obsession beyond your control made a drink the only option. The thing is, that obsession is there in part due to inaction on your part in diligently working the twelve steps.\n\nThis sounds condemning and judgmental, I'm sorry if it offends you. I don't know every circumstance in your life nor your work in AA, but the understandings and beliefs I have of the twelve steps make this a cut and dry case for me. It is however just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt depending upon how sobriety looks for you. Just thought I'd offer my perspective.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "20ohsr", "comment_id": "cg5ts9w"}, {"question": "I [36/m] feel terrible with my situation with my gf[37/f] and ex[27/f].", "description": "I have been with my current gf for almost 6 months. We have broke up twice in that time because I had and still have feelings for my ex. Each time we broke up nothing came from the contact I had with my ex. My current gf loves me and I think I love her, but the relationship just feels like a safe choice in my life. We get along, don't fight, I believe she truly does love me. So naturally I feel like a complete dick because deep down inside I still want my ex back. My ex recently contacted me, and more or less hinted at the idea of trying again, but I told her I was seeing someone and I didn't want to go thru all of it again where I make myself available again and she disappears (which happened both times). I told the ex I rather just try and be friends. But I feel myself being pulled in the direction of messing things up all over again, and I don't want to do that to my gf again. But I also know that if I feel this way I shouldn't be with her in the first place.. Yeah I'm probably just afraid to be alone which makes me shitty for even being with the gf, but I want to be done dating. I want to find that person I can spend my life with, and I just don't know if shes the one even though it would be easy to, I hate to say it but, settle. \n\ntl;dr Ex wants me back now, again.. but I don't know if I should consider the option even though I am not fully satisfied with my current gf. Afraid to be alone, afraid to settle, and tired of hurting everyones feelings. ", "answer": "don't settle. if there's a chance you and your ex can be 100% fantastic, then go back to her and get counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "72tmx7", "comment_id": "dnl5q2x"}, {"question": "23yo girlfriend wants to go on a 2 week break to see if she misses me (22/M)", "description": "So last night my girlfriend said that she wanted to cut all contact for 2 weeks to see if she'd miss me or not. She reckons this will help our relationship as currently it seems to be that I'm the only one who is still interested. She keeps saying she 'doesn't know' if she wants to be together anymore. \n\nShe gets angry at me if I ask her any questions about how she's feeling and says that 'I'm pushing an answer on her'. \n\nWhat do I do? I don't want to be walked over and I certainly don't want to pour my heart out anymore if she isn't willing to do the same. \n\nWe've been together just under 6 months. \n\nThanks in advance! Could you please post if you're M or F too, so I can see if opinions differ. ", "answer": "no choice but to give space. recommend agreeing not to date others, and decide on amount of contact over next 2 weeks. if she waffles beyond that, and isn't totally into you,don't waste your time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxw2k", "comment_id": "ddxsm42"}, {"question": "i have a huge urge to cut everyone off. im so sick of everyone.", "description": "i thought me getting my diagnosis on paper would change something. i was really stupid to think that. of course it didnt. people still dont see me or hear me. they dont take my mental disorder seriously. so i have like 4 friends. one of them is actually so fucking good to me all the time and there for me but shes busy mostly and cant hang out much. the other 3 i have a problem with. the 2 of them are girls and we are like ~besties~ but we're not lol. i dont feel like theyre my best friends at all. one of them unloads shit on us and talks abt herself like all the time. when i talk abt my problems shes like oh lol that sucks ANYWays my life is harder lol. the second one is extremely passive and when i tell her my problems shes just like :))) ohh .... \nmy third friend has been my best friend since high school and he also dismisses my problems like lol dat sux. i feel so unloved in these friendships it makes me so mad. i wanna stop talking to them. i wanna tell them how horrible i feel in these friendships. but in the end it doesnt matter because they will never understand. what should i do ? please someone help i dont know what to do and i feel so horrible", "answer": "You gotta be responsible for your own problems andnot rely on others to make it better. Talking it out is supposed to help because it gets it off your chest, and gives you someone to listen to you, that's usually it. What do you want them to do? What response would you like?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "h8opzc", "comment_id": "fuspqt1"}, {"question": "Do I need professional help or is this everyone's experience of New Jersey?", "description": "I am a 45 years old man who travels all over the country for work. This summer I've been working in NJ three days a week. Work for me is lots of driving a full sized van (8 hours or more per day), and working short 2nd shift (usually four or five hours). It's relatively high pressure so theres work related stress...not stress about my own abilities or self doubt, but there are a lot of moving parts that have to mesh. THAT stress is nothing new and it is manageable. \n\nI am far from perfect in every way, and I try not to hold people to standards that are too high, but I think there ought to be some minimum amount of common decency everyone shows. This is where my problem with New Jersey comes in.\n\nInteracting with people in NJ has me worried about my mental health. I try to drive carefully on the road no matter how I'm feeling inside...I don't drive around speeding in a rage. But inside, I absolutely HATE all the people around me. I see them as vile and cruel and despicable. After a few hours interacting with people on the Jersey Turnpike, all I see are selfish people doing terrible things. If I stop for a coffee or something, everyone looks like a selfish monster to me. And I KNOW it's in my head, but I cant help but focus on every selfish or inconsiderate thing I see, and boy there is plenty of it. I try podcasts and music to change my mood, but its a fleeting reprieve. I get so angry it gives me headaches. I cant eat more than a couple of bites of food per day and I barely sleep...but its only for three days a week so I persevere.\n\nWhen I return home to my family, I get back around 2 or 3 in the morning, way too wound up to sleep. When I wake up late morning, I clean the kitchen and even though I'm home how, I'm still not right. I'll be easily angered for the whole day, and I usually do something impulsive and stupid like throw away a sink full of dirty dishes instead of washing them. I try not to snap at my family but even when I'm quietly trying to mind my own business, playing on my phone, or what have you, my family actls like I'm a dog who's about to bite.\n\nIt may be worth noting that I've not had this reaction with California, Georgia, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, Maryland, South Carolina, New York, Kentucky or West Virginia. The people in Pennsylvania have been the kindest and most considerate people I've met so far.", "answer": "It\u2019s not just the high cost of living that drives people out of Jersey. \n\nCan I ask what moved you there? \n\nIt sounds like you\u2019re taking the right steps to decompress, you\u2019re just never getting the full effects of it- am I reading that right? My personal view is that our stress tolerance is like a cup that keeps getting filled. We can only drink so fast, but situations may cause the flow to surge or trickle. When we are feeling great we can drink much better, but when we have mental situations going on, we are basically waterboarding ourselves. Sometimes we can put up a dam, like mobile phone games, to hold the stressors back, but when the game ends that water will still be there, plus the regular flow. Self-care is a great way to make your cup a little bigger (hold more water before overflowing) and it sounds like you\u2019re taking steps to try to do that. It\u2019s hard to improve a cup when it\u2019s already on the brink of overflow, though. \n\nWhen\u2019s the last time you escaped, gotten out of there on a laid-back vacation? I don\u2019t mean running around Disney World, but had time to yourself without worries and away from the roads. You sound like you might be due for some serious me-time. Doesn\u2019t have to be a big trip- depending where you are it could be just over the border in PA or NY or somewhere in south jersey for a while. Might be nice for the family to see you relax for a while, too.\n\nYou also do have a stressful line of work (especially in a land where people can\u2019t drive!). I I don\u2019t know enough about the industry do you know of any specifics but I did find a [resource](https://www.nonforceddispatch.com/importance-of-mental-health-fitness-in-truckers)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chrc1s", "comment_id": "euxwrt3"}, {"question": "Me (30) dating (23) asexual girl", "description": "Just met this girl, things have been going great until the first time we slept together. She made no noise, no look on her face, I swear she looked bored. She tells me that she's asexual, that she doesn't feel any pleasure in the act of lovemaking.\n\nI'm no Don Juan and don't think I'm the greatest in bed, but I've never had an experience like that. It was the worst sexual experience I've ever had. I derive pleasure in sex from pleasing my partner. I wasn't enjoying myself and she had the same look as if I was folding clothes. Hell we were both bored.\n\nHas anyone else had this issue before? If so, how did you overcome it?", "answer": "There's no overcoming it unless she makes a concerted effort in therapy, which even then, might not be changeable. A relationship with her will be impossible. Just be friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6li4yh", "comment_id": "dju0h20"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean? Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country? \n \nFeel free to private message me. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "cinqhw8"}, {"question": "Nobody cares about you unless you have something to offer.", "description": "Its all such bullshit. All the \"treatments\" for depression, the CBT all that bullshit. To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it. \nAll the self love, deluding and fighting with your own thoughts isn't going to make you happy. \nThere is no such thing as unconditional love. Nobody is really \"there for you\". If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you. \n\nWe dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy. \nMy faith right now is in pharmaceuticals. As a person I am useless to society unless I can radically change my personality and induce happiness. \n\nAlso, I've noticed when Im happy Its because I've achieved some goal or im doing well. But when Im depressed its because im failing but it also makes me more aware of the suffering in the world. All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness. \n\nIts like to be happy you have to block out other people and the rest of the world. You cant have a good time and think about the suffering in the world at the same time. It all feels so ugly. People are only nice when they feel happy and they are only happy when they are keeping up with everyone else and everyone is scared of being alone and having nothing. ", "answer": ">To be happy you have to have friends, and have meaningful work. You have to be \"doing well\" as society sees it.\n \nYou would be surprised how many people who are \"successful\" who are miserable. That is because what society tells us will make us happy isn't necessarily what makes us happy. \n\n>If your truly depressed to the point where you have no motivation to leave the house or even have a conversation then nobody will have any desire to be around you.\n\nTrue, a person would have to be a very good friend to help a depressed individual. That doesn't mean they don't exist. \n\n>We dance around it but in the end nobody really cares unless you can offer them something .You have to be somebody people want to be around. Genuine, interesting and not needy.\n\nMost friendships are based on reciprocal needs being fulfilled, true. If one person is doing all of the taking, and giving nothing in return it will be difficult to maintain a friendship. Unless you are friends with a person who only wants someone they can give to. \n\n > All I can see is poverty, sadness and hopelessness.\n\nThat's because people with depression have distorted thinking. I've felt extreme levels of hopelessness, and the feeling that the world is nothing but misery. That isn't a rational thought, however. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fi363", "comment_id": "ctp0uwr"}, {"question": "How do you feel about clients looking up your social media profile?", "description": "And how do you respond when they admit to it?", "answer": "I don't really care. Makes sense for them to know more about me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d6oz2a", "comment_id": "f0v112z"}, {"question": "Important question for everyone", "description": "Judging by my research, most of the posts of depressed people who complain about lack of social skills and being unemployed in their mid or late 20s have to do with their social isolation - after finishing university they sit at home hopelessly wasting their lives (good if they also read books and study something, bad if they only play video games and watch porn), then they come to the point that it's important to do something - they start posting on forums like this and for depressed people, seeing that life is not that bad after all and they can still change everything, earn good wages and build a family (if they want to) in the future provided that THEY HAVE A WISH TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY LIKE WORKING (job).\n\nNow the whole point of the thread - question - how do these people start working if (also judging by my research) nobody hires you with bad social skills, nobody gives you a chance?\n\nBut on the contrary i see that people with bad social skills also manage to find jobs - even in sales - , plus there are a lot of professional degree requiring jobs for people with not-so-good social skills (just google jobs for introverts): all jobs in IT, economists, analysts, actuaries, engineers, scientists, etc.\n\nIf it's true then there's something wrong with my research, it means that people with bad social skills CAN also find jobs and that's the answer to my question, otherwise if they finished both school and university and got no more places to socialize and increase one's social skills except at work (where they can't get hired) then they failed in life and it's pretty much over for them.\n\n", "answer": "You're pretty spot on with most of what you're saying here. Good job. \n\n\nTo answer your question of \"How do these people start working if nobody hires you with bad social skills?\"\n\n\nWell you basically answered your own question. There are plenty of jobs that are not dependent on having great social skills. Basically any job that has more to do with creating something material, working on projects independently that don't require much social interaction. With jobs like these employers are more interested in skills, knowledge, and experience. While good social skills are always sought after, it's not a higher priority in some professions.\n\n\nOne more thing to keep in mind. There is a very big difference between not having good social skills and having very bad social skills. Someone lacking good social skills may be anxious in conversations and expressing themselves verbally, communicating effectively while working on team projects vs someone with bad social skills who are frequently insulting people or making racist/misogynistic/homophobic/etc. remarks or flying off the handle and yelling at bosses or colleagues. Doing things that would reflect poorly on the company's image. In most cases, you're not going to get hired if you show signs of poor social skills because it's not worth the risk to the company. \n\n\nFortunately, I don't think the majority of the people fall into the extreme of poor social skills but rather the former of lacking good social skills. Many people lacking social skills often have issues with social anxiety which tricks them into thinking it'll be impossible for them to be hired. That way they don't have to face their anxiety and go on interviews or deal with the anxiety working a job creates. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8plpec", "comment_id": "e0civme"}, {"question": "Day 40. When does it get better?", "description": "Maybe I'm just supposed to be a kid/person who smokes once a night. When I limit it to only at night a few hits I get more talkative and inquisitive. The problem was more when I had a lot of wax and hit the pen all day, or ripped tobacco plus weed in bongs. I'm thinking about going back to smoking. Feel like I should have seen better improvements without it. \n\nNow I just feel like a mute piece of shit tbh. Maybe the underlying problem is depression. But I'm trying to address that with medicine and therapy. Fuck.", "answer": "For me, it was hard to fully address my underlying mental health issues while using. My medications could not overcome the affects of all the THC in my system. I got to a point in therapy where the coping \"tools\" I was building for myself were about 80-90% complete, but it was like I just couldn't get that last part worked out until I was sober. \n\n\nWeed will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year. You can always go back to using later. I suggest trying to focus on just staying sober today. Cravings are like waves - if I can distract myself for 15 minutes it will most likely pass. If I am feeling really low and I just can't seem to kick it, it's okay to go to bed early. Tomorrow is another day, and I will probably feel differently then.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4buyb2", "comment_id": "d1crrzc"}, {"question": "[29/F] My fiance [32/M] has an income that is 3x mine and says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for not being more financially successful. I am offended. Am I overreacting?", "description": "My fiance worked hard to get a Bachelor's degree in Engineering and has a six-figure income (over 3x mine). He also is obsessed with saving money, so he has impressive emergency funds for if things go badly and retirement funds.\n\nI have been dating him for 2.5 years and living with him for over one year.\n\nWhen I was younger, I decided to get a Bachelor's degree in Psychology because I enjoyed studying it. Unlike his family, my parents did not talk to me about picking a degree where you were confident you could get a high-paying, stable job. Now that I am struggling and making $35,000 a year, I am trying to turn my life around and go back to school for something more lucrative that also interests me.\n\nHe keeps telling me that my lack of financial success is mainly due to \"excuses\" I make. These comments from him are unsolicited- and even if I sat around all day complaining about my situation, I still think they come across as rude. He does not acknowledge the very different life circumstances we had. He also says I don't contribute enough in general, and someone like me with a Bachelor's degree and no kids should be doing better in life.\n\nAm I taking this too personally? I get the sense that he thinks I am not good enough for him.\n\ntl;dr My fiance makes six figures, I don't, and he says I don't contribute enough and I make excuses for my situation. Am I overreacting?", "answer": "Many couples have income disparities, and they are several ways to handle it. Of those ways, rude badgering is among the dumbest. It doesn't sound like your own spending is the main issue here (you're outspending what you make on your own needs and he's subsidizing that), although if that's a factor that is something you can control now. Assuming it's not that, there's probably no quick fix (oh, lemme go get my MD this weekend), and his comments solve nothing. \n\nIf you want to fix this, I'd advise getting to the bottom of what's really bothering him. Is it about what you can afford as a pair now, is he concerned for your future, or are you right that you're not good enough for him because of your salary (charming!).\n\nNo matter what: don't enter a marriage like this. I also like what the other guy said about the fork.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "50upr2", "comment_id": "d7768q6"}, {"question": "I am giving up on making my boyfriend understand me. I still love him, and don\u2019t want to lose him, but i just can\u2019t deal anymore with me telling I meant A, and he saying no you meant B. Is it the end of my relationship? Can I still try to make it work ?", "description": "He says things about my character that really offend me, I don\u2019t think I am that way, but he doesn\u2019t accept it. And keeps torturing me until I say \u201cyes, I am that and I agree with this kind of thing\u201d.\nI\u2019m done with this, and I am thinking about stop fighting for making him understand me and just agree with everything. Should i still care about what he thinks or just say fuck it ?", "answer": "Nothing feels worse than being told who we are, what we think or what we feel. \n\n\"can I still try to make it work?\" \n\nYour question stands out to me... the use of \"I\" instead of \"we\" gives me the impression you feel as though you are fighting for this relationship alone :(\n\nAlso, and super importantly. ... this is totally abusive of him and, as hard as it is right now- you are so worthy of more.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fhb62g", "comment_id": "fka1w0z"}, {"question": "My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I need advice on how to help her", "description": "My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes and my wife and I are struggling with it. Obviously it isn't about us and I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining about it but we don't know how to react or not react when she does it or how to make her feel like it is normal. [Right now she blinks really hard and rolls her eyes to the side and people will often think she is rolling her eyes at them](https://imgur.com/a/EmVTxHF) When she was diagnosed the neurologist said to just act like it isn't happening or it might get worse and that's what we have been trying to do but it's still difficult to see her going through this and knowing we can't do anything to help. Does anyone have any advice from your own experience? We don't want her to be self conscious of it or feel like she needs to hide it.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s great you all want to be supportive to your daughter. She\u2019s so lucky to have you. Just know there\u2019s a lot you can do to help her including finding a therapist who does CBIT or HRT to address tics. \nhttp://tourette.org/media/Full-Provider-Tool-Kit-rev.pdf", "topic": "Tourettes", "post_id": "ip896l", "comment_id": "g4in5l9"}, {"question": "What is something you consider to be a relapse than most others do not? Or vice versa?", "description": "For example: if I\u2019m sick I\u2019ll take NyQuil which I know has alcohol in it. I would say most consider that using. I think some people get a bit too extreme (avoiding tomato vodka sauce, rum raisin ice cream, Listerine mouth wash, etc.) Just curious more than anything else. ", "answer": "If I were to start cutting again. Even once. Before treatment and for about the first six months the urge was strong and I refused to let myself slip. Sometimes I still get the urge, but to me it would be the same as drinking ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7tkvv7", "comment_id": "dtdq26d"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this. If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fk7zg0h"}, {"question": "A new Bio", "description": "So long over due. Alcohol has been my constant companion for 47 years. (Since 10 years old). It has preoccupied every aspect of my life. My companion turned me in to a finely tuned,high functioning alcoholic. Good times, bad times, in a group or alone. It was always time for a drink. It was never time to stop. \n My true companion, my wife has loved me and put up with my constant companion for 37 years. I've never been abusive in any way. We raised two sons that have turned into very good men.\n I've been sober nearly 100 days now. Since my son and pregnant daughter in-law saw me black out and hit my head late one evening after a day of vodka, then gin. (Told you I was a Finley tuned machine). The wife was out of town.\n The new Bio: I welcomed in to the world today, my first Grandchild. A beautiful baby girl. What an incentive to stay my course. I want her mother to know that she will always be looked after at our house. I want my wife to know the other companion is gone. \n I never want my baby girl to know a drunk Grandpa \n I wrote this so I can look back and remember this day. Thanks if you made it through the whole ramble. If it helps anyone, all the better\n IWNDWYT ", "answer": "Great. What a gift a sober grand dad will be ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9eue23", "comment_id": "e5rxw9l"}, {"question": "After 16 years of crippling anxiety and depression, I finally sought help. I am shocked...", "description": "I am 30. I have been suffering from near debilitating depression/anxiety for more than half my life. I finally sought help. It took some work to find someone nearby that would accept my insurance and could get me in reasonably soon. I was so relieved. Maybe there was still some hope for a better future.\n\n\nWhen I finally saw the therapist, she said we should avoid medication. She taught me breathing exercises, told me to get active, and think positive. Are you fucking serious? I should just \"be happy\"? Do you know how many times I have heard that shit? I did not expect this from a therapist. I wanted REAL help. I am just baffled. I feel like the last flame of hope was just extinguished.", "answer": "Marsha Lenehan, the woman who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), said she borrowed techniques from Buddhism. It is one of the most research validated treatments available for mental illness. Breathing techniques are not that stupid. Hyperventilation occurs unconsciously due to hypersensitivity to stimuli and there occurs a cascade of physiological consequences to that hyperventilation. Meditation, slows your breath and with practice a person can be trained to obtain a peaceful relaxed frame of mind. Anxiety and depression are characterized by distressing thoughts and feelings. Through mindful breath training you can actually change structures in your brain. Here is one research study:\nhttp://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322316000792\nThere are many others. The good news is improvements occur quickly and steadily. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6ievd0", "comment_id": "dj6fwcy"}, {"question": "How do i deal with the symptoms of invalidation fro. Childhood as an adult?", "description": "I was reading an article on psychology today about emotional invalidation and it describes me to a T\n\n*\"Some people deal with this by turning inward. They may have learned that it does not matter if they speak up or not, their needs will still not be met. They may become quiet and withdrawn.\u00a0\"*\n\n*\"Common Signs of Childhood Neglect in Adults:\n\nTrouble understanding emotions and mood\n\nTrouble trusting emotions and mood\n\nDiscounting your concerns as unimportant\n\nHopelessness\n\nFeeling as if something is missing\n\nLow esteem\n\nExistential fear\n\nProblems understanding the reality of a situation\n\nProblems judging intensity\n\nChronic\u00a0depression\n\nPerceived as cold or aloof\n\nAnxiety\u00a0involving emotional closeness\n\nAdults that suffered from childhood neglect may continue the cycle by currently neglecting themselves.\"*\n\nAny articles on how to begin the healing process", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear about your childhood experiences. That's a long list of symptoms there. If you can relate to most of them I'd say you have a whole lot on your plate. Unfortunately, there's no 1 quick fix to these things or a specific book or article that I could point you towards. You probably don't need to hear this, but I would recommend getting connected with a good therapist who's a good fit for you. You can start exploring how all of these things started to come about and what you can do to overcome them. \n\n\nSomething that isn't mentioned here that as a therapist I also see a lot for folks that were neglected substantially through childhood is feeling an intense need to get validation from others in their adult lives. This causes all sorts of problems and can often be a barrier to therapy if/when the person has an instance when they don't feel validated by the therapist and it sends them running off. \n\n\nEveryone wants validation. There's nothing wrong or abnormal with that. Needing it to the point where it's causing distress in your relationships and daily functioning if/when you don't get it is problematic. My goal in working with clients like this is to help them learn how to validate themselves, accept themselves, and feel that they are a worthwhile person regardless of whether they get this from anyone else. I hope your journey takes you to this place. Best of luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcde3w", "comment_id": "ekqic2m"}, {"question": "Meeting the girl for the first time tommorow... How to not act stupid and awkward?", "description": "So yesterday, i was bored and it was 2am. One girl posted her ask.fm link and because we both love the same music style (classic rock, fuck yeah) i started asking her questions about bands etc.\n\n\nWe were texting for the whole night, we ended up saying goodbye to eachother at 5am. I refused to text her on facebook, because i hate meeting people on this stupid site, i prefer meeting people, especially girls in real life, because i had a lot more success with them irl than on facebook.\n\n\nAnyway, looks like we'll go to the same concert this saturday and she said that I need to immediatly talk to her if i see her there. I'm still new at meeting girls since i never had self confidence but since hitting the gym, my mentality changed and so did my confidence. I'm looking for tips on how to approach to this girl without being goofy and awkward at all. I'm also looking for more than friendship, so maybe any flirting tips? \n\n\nThanks.", "answer": "The best way to act stupid and awkward is to worry about acting stupid and awkward. Relax, take a few deep breathes and remember. The worst case scenario is that she doesn't like you. That's about as bad as it gets. It doesn't feel great, but it's not going to ruin your life. \n\nAlso, no matter what happens you will learn something from this and it will help you in the future. So even if it doesn't go great, the next time will be better. \n\nSo just take it easy, focus on getting to know her and enjoy her company. Oh and she's probably just as nervous as you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3gyn5c", "comment_id": "cu2sfvn"}, {"question": "Could it be MS without lesions?", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5\u20198\n\nWeight: 140 \n\nRace: Caucasian / Eastern European\n\nDuration of Complaint: 8/9 years \n\nLocation: Currently in the southeast US, but have lived in all parts of US over past four years.\n\nLocation of complaint: Muscles (back of calves is the absolute worst), Eyes, Neurological, Legs, hands, hair falling out,severe fatigue, severe tremor\n\nExisting medical issues: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pernicious Anemia, Epilepsy, Lupus, Sj\u00f6grens, PTSD, MDD\n \u2014--Past Medical Problems: Acute liver failure, Hepatitis C, Meningitis, Sepsis (2), Endocarditis, Hyperthyroidism \n\nCurrent Medications: Celebrex, Keppra, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Prozac, Klonopin, Flexeril, valacyclovir, \n\n\nOkay so I have not yet seen my rheumy, but blood work confirmed the Lupus and RA. I have been diagnosed with MS but then another MRI showed no lesions so they said that was not it. Another MRI showed lesions, but the doctor said they were from migraines (which I only get one every two years or so) and I\u2019m not sure how she could tell the difference. \nAnyway, I think the RA and Lupus don\u2019t cover all of my symptoms. I have a severe, permanent tremor in my hands. I have blurry vision, no night vision, faded vision, and eye pain in one eye - the same eye and have had this since I was 16 and it\u2019s gotten worse. No eye doctor seems to know what\u2019s going on. \nI have a horrible heat intolerance but also a horrible cold intolerance, although heat makes me flare up so much worse. \nMost days I cannot get out of bed. The days I can, I can hardly stand or walk and must use assistance. The back of my calves give me the absolute worst pain out of anywhere on my body. To the point I start hitting them with heavy objects because that feels better than the actual pain. It\u2019s a tight pain and no matter how much I massage it or sit in hot water they never get better. \nI\u2019m just not convinced it\u2019s just RA and Lupus. \n\nCan you have MS with no lesions? can lesions come and go? Is there really a way to tell what lesions are from? (Like from a migraine or MS?)\nMS and all of these autoimmune disorders are in both sides of my family as far back as you can go. \nI\u2019m only 25, I shouldn\u2019t feel like this or hurt like this. The Neurological effects are horrible and embarrassing. \nI\u2019ve been trying for so long for a doctor to take me seriously. This one reluctantly do extra bloodwork and was surprised when the RA factor and everything was positive. \nMy muscles seem to be atrophying. I can\u2019t wear bras or bathing suits because of the pressure the put on my neck and/or shoulders. \n\nI really don\u2019t know what to do anymore. This is no life for anyone, especially a 25 year old. I\u2019m in so much pain I think about just ending it all. \n\nCan a doctor answer my questions or give me advice? Because I\u2019m just at a loss here.", "answer": "The first question I have is just one of sorting out historical imaging. MS, or at least the common relapsing-remitting form of MS, classically occurs with lesions that appear and disappear (along with attacks that resolve). Migraines usually don't have any specific MRI findings, although there are some exceptions.\n\nIs all the imaging available to the same doctor? Changes over time or lack thereof are very helpful for neurologists to clarify the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmh22l", "comment_id": "ew2adz6"}, {"question": "Me (31m) gf(29f) of 6 .5 years are having issues and she has got alot of sexting from guys a long time ago and it gave me trust issues, please need advice!", "description": "\n\n\n I am having alot of issues with my girlfriend and life. We both do drugs but she mostly just does weed. Well I decided to quit recently and have been in withdrawal for about 21 days now and doing better. At my dad's she is at our home now. Little background, she got probably 4-5 calls within 2 years from random black men all wanting to mess around again ,what they say. She says it was a miss understanding and she never messed with any of them, well I believed her each time but it has made me not trust her and I started looking thru her stuff but never found anything. That was about 3 years ago. I've gotten alot better but everyone and a while I'll crack and snoop. I hate it and I did the other day... Remember my mind isn't in the best state now BC detoxing.well I got on her fb the other day and miss interpreted her wall, I'm never on fb deactivated but got on for some reason. Well I sent her fb txt so I wouldn't wake her, we live together but in separate rooms BC I snore loud. So I sent the txt all upset and and nasty about what I saw, which was. Nothing. Now she said she is done with me BC she said I could never do that to her again. Well it's been really hard BC I am trying to quit drugs and be better for us and everyone! Well she said she planed on moving out which I hope to stop. I'm at my dad's detoxing still past couple days. She dosent want me txting her she said today so I said OK. I'm about to start therapy next week BC I think she's not cheating or like to think. She's not a slut BC it took us a month to do it but recently she has put a code in her phone BC she said she dosent want me on it and she has told me she misses going out which she hasn't except with me. She got new gf and has started going out late at bars with them which worries me but I try and not to care but it's hard.im not sure what to do! What would you all do in my shoes?\n\nTL;DR: (31m me) (29f my gf) has got sexting in past and it's messed with my head and she's leaving me while I'm withdrawaling from drugs 20 days clean.", "answer": "good for you that you're 20 days clean. that's great news. everyone has a past; don't worry about it. stay sober and your life will improve. good luck. keep up the great work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dkgic", "comment_id": "di3feqj"}, {"question": "Does alcohol really effect antibiotics?", "description": "Sex: male\nAge: 30\nHeight and Weight: 6\u20191 195\nRace: White \n\nHad to take some antibiotics and went out drinking a bit later. Will they still work?", "answer": "Not enough information. Alcohol affects some antibiotics. Some antibiotics affect alcohol. Most have no effect either way.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aarq97", "comment_id": "ecuhdy1"}, {"question": "Yesterday I just walked out without any purpose", "description": "I had the idea to confront myself with my anxieties and just walked out without any purpose. I drove with the bus to our inner city here in L\u00fcnen, Germany, and asked random people for a cigarette (usuallly I don't smoke, it was just a test) as a confrontation therapy to overcome social fear. \n\nAnd I learnt that being denied (only two of 10 people I asked gave me a cigarette), that feeling of someone telling you 'no' is not a great feeling, yes, it is negative but it did not kill me. I registered it as a negative feeling that came and went away after a while. Like all feelings.\n\nNow I have less anxiety talking to strangers or asking something because being denied is not that crucial as I always thought it would be. \n\nWhat I want to tell you: just try to do the things you are afraid of! It will be uncomfortable but you will feel a feeling of success that is great!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHave a nice day.", "answer": "Great task to give yourself. It definitely helps with fear of rejection because a lot of people no matter how friendly they might be, won't give out cigarettes. I hate when people ask me. \n\nMay I offer a suggestion for helping with socialization? Do the same thing, but don't ask for cigarettes. Have them and ask people that are smoking and standing around for a light saying you lost your lighter. If they're just hanging out, outside of a bar, or in a park, or whatever, spark up a conversation while you smoke. Folks will be much more likely to give you a light and engage you in conversation than if you ask for a cigarette. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9kp9sn", "comment_id": "e710h7c"}, {"question": "What specialist are the most trusted in diagnosing dyslexia and/or ADHD? Please help...currently a surgery resident with no residency.", "description": "So I am a resident physician.... I have gotten this far with really really hard work. Every program I have been in has not offered me a permanent position even though my clinical work has been labeled excellent, especially in critical care and thoracic surgery, due to the fact that my colleagues score better than I on our yearly board exams. My father has severe dyslexia and my sister as well. And now, at 32, after heavy self reflection, I have noticed I have signs and symptoms c/w moderate dyslexia and ADHD.\nPlease help.\n", "answer": "This is very much in a neuropsychologist's wheelhouse. I'm surprised no one has mentioned it. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "3a8f87", "comment_id": "csavfz0"}, {"question": "Medical professionals who dont even think this is a real disorder.", "description": "I feel like a heap of the doctors I go to don't even believe it is a disorder. \nIts really hard trying to grasp a diagnosis which sums you up in one sentence when a heap of our would just thinks its one big excuse. \n", "answer": "It's not just Drs. Many really great therapists don't think it's a good diagnosis for other reasons. BPD is largely about inconvenience to other people and impact to resources. Women get the DX at a two to three times the rate of men, get described as malingering at a higher rate and get disbelieved at a much higher rate. People with a BPD Dx usually score high on the ACEs survey and it has a massive co-occurrence rate with childhood sexual assault and Invalidation. BPD isn't seen as legitimate often because all of the issues that create and make up BPD aren't seen as legitimate. If I'm talking with someone who has a history of Invalidation, lack of safety and emotional insecurity, shouldn't I expect there to be a big chance that they'd have a bunch of the sys of BPD? To me it's not a great diagnosis because it describes how someone has tried to deal with their problems, not what they are struggling against. Clients with poor access to emergency mental health services or bad health insurance shouldn't get a DX of BPD at a higher rate. The diagnosis is often as much about how poorly the health system has served someone as it is about that someone. Sorry to rant but I get you and hate that this is as good as they say they can do for you because I know if we were all just a bit more compassionate to people, this wouldn't be so common and so destructive. \n\nImaging living in a tribe of 200 people, all of whom knew your name, valued you as a part of the group and believed you were great just by being you. How long do you think BPD lasts in that environment? Now who's fucked up? You or us? It's us. We're the ones letting you down, not you letting us down. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5yfb9c", "comment_id": "deprewd"}, {"question": "what's the best way to die peacefully", "description": " i am out of options, people around me can't help and our suicide prevention is shit. everytime i try they just keep pestering me \n ", "answer": "The best way to die peacefully is to grow old, live a happy life and die in your sleep of natural causes.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b0kziu", "comment_id": "eif9ls5"}, {"question": "I just want it all to end.", "description": "I don't know what to say, I'm trying to avoid a wall of text because then I'll just ramble on about nonsense. I'm 17, overweight, ugly, used to be an honors student, then I don't know what happened. I barely have any friends outside of school, never kissed a girl, I find little to no enjoyment out of activities I loved, and everything about my life just sucks, is getting worse, and I'm tired of it.\n\nLately it feels like almost everyday I just think about being dead, what would it be like, would the pain go away, would anyone miss me, would anyone be happy I was gone...I want to die, I don't want to continue living, they say there's light at the end of the tunnel, but it feels like I walked right into a dead end in a cave. \n\nI keep asking my mom to take me to a psychiatrist, but she just plays it off, says I'm an ungrateful teenager, medication won't help you. I just want to die, I feel like one day I'm going to just throw myself in front of a bus, that way maybe people will think it was an accident.", "answer": "Hi, what about a school counselor? Would they take your feelings seriously? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28njh9", "comment_id": "ciclp5w"}, {"question": "Can an open relationship work?", "description": "If both parties are willing to explore other things / people....is it a good or bad thing in the long term. Does it stop cheating? Does it encourage jealousy? Is it a good or bad idea.....\n", "answer": "rarely. you have to be the kind of person that does not get emotionally attached one-one the way most of us in western culture do from day one.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nmau4", "comment_id": "dkam51o"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now. He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship. \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me. I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way). I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me. I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "dgzf7n7"}, {"question": "Spouse is showing signs of schizophrenia. (x-post from r/schizophrenia)", "description": "I'm sorry if this post is a bit long winded, but I have no idea how to deal with this and have not confided in any of my family/friends as to what is going on.\nMy husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. During this this time he has always struggled with depression, anxiety and insomnia. The past couple of years have been better though, up until about 2 weeks ago. It started when our neighbors were being a bit loud, and my husband swore they were talking about him. I thought this was odd, but since one of them is an old friend of his who he had a falling out with I figured it might be true. Well this continued for a few days, even when no one was there. I didn't know what to think. Well that has quickly progressed to him being 100% convinced that our neighbors have cameras in our house and they are constantly talking to him, saying mean things to him, commenting on everything he does, saying he is being watched by the police and that if he doesn't do certain things (like smoke cigarettes outside) that they will arrest him. He spent hours going from the front porch to the back porch because they told him they were going to come out and talk to them and me so I wouldn't think he was crazy (I have never used that word with him). He thinks this is all completely real. When he leaves the house, he doesn't hear any voices at all. I ask him why he can hear them and I can't (he says the voices are not coming from his head) he says that it's because my hearing isn't very good (which is true to a point, but I'm not even remotely considered deaf or anything like that). He's not showing any anger or anything like that towards me, or saying anything about self harm (but I worry it will eventually progress to that), but he is very frustrated that I don't believe him. I don't want to act like what he is hearing is real, but I also don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I made an appointment to see a therapist in about a week and a half, because I know I have to take care of myself during this and hopefully they can give me some advice. But until then what do I do? How do I react to what he says he is hearing? It's so frightening, I see the pain and fear and frustration he's going through right now. He believes it is so real that it makes me wonder if I'm not the one acting crazy for not believing him.\nI wonder if it runs in the family. When his mom was his age (34) she developed a very bad drinking problem, and ended up being diagnosed with dementia/schizophrenia from years of drinking. Now I wonder if that was the reason she started drinking and it just didn't get diagnosed until later.\nIf anyone can offer any advice or wisdom I would really appreciate it.", "answer": "If he'll cop to being stressed or upset or afraid, does he recognize any allies/sources of help beyond you?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "684bgu", "comment_id": "dgwe5pd"}, {"question": "Can I detox during birthcontrol?", "description": "Hello, I am a 16yo, female, im Latina, 1.55 meters tall and I weight 55kg. \nI don't take drugs or drink alcohol.\nI only take birthcontrol (Gynera) and sometimes I take a stomach protector in the morning.\nI have a very upset/sensitive stomach, sometimes it can't even take a cookie.\nI feel like I should detox my stomach and start a new and healthier diet.\nBut I know that for detoxification I will cleanse everything from my body, and there will go my birthcontrol intake. \nSo I thought that maybe during the 7 day break of my contraception I could do the cleanse? Or would it mess up with my birthcontrol anyway?\nAlso, if I do the cleanse and don't have intercourse during that pill package (21 days), will I be safe from pregnancy when I start the next package?", "answer": "\"Cleanses\" are fads that serve no medical purpose and, as far as we know, don't really do anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ghjdn6", "comment_id": "fq9zhwl"}, {"question": "Seeking answers", "description": "So lately I have been having major anxiety, further leading to what seems to be a panic attack. I have only had this happen a few times in the past few months. Looking for suggestions on how to handle it. They usually come out of nowhere. ", "answer": "Use medication but sparingly. Check medical possibilities. Fix your diet so your gut biome is healthy, start to cut out stress you can but only because you'll need the room for stresses you can't cut out like anxiety. Start to practice meditation and belly breathing. Carry ice cold water in a 24hr vacuum insulated bottle. Tell at least three people. Read about it but don't read anything that talks about \"cut out caffeine and reduce your stress\" they are talking about worry, not anxiety. Practice more belly expansion and other vaygal stimulating exercises. Try Chinese herbs like ashwagandha. Sleep enough. Always differentiate external from internal fear. Recheck medical possibilities. When panicking use your senses to pull you out, if you can't empirically validate the fear it's probably not external. Internal fear is anxiety and while very real, it's not going to harm you. Avoid the temptation to accommodate triggers. Cut out caffeine. Look into fecal transplants. Use the repulsion as motivation to do more of the other stuff. Check for hyperthyroidism again. Go to a counselor if you can't get somewhere in your own. Find a good book on it. \n\nFinally after none of this has worked, Use Ketamine to reprogram your limbic system. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6hxcmk", "comment_id": "dj1x6su"}, {"question": "Can no longer climax during sex. [19/M] with [20/F] partner.", "description": "So this started a few days ago. I started seeing a new girl and the sex is absolutely amazing but I haven't finished any of the times we've slept together. This has never been a problem for me in the past and I'm genuinely worried/confused about what's going on. Just looking for some insight into what I should do to get my ability to finish back.", "answer": "are you taking meds, or drinking, or pot?\nif not, you're getting so nervous that you're losing focus. people often are not at their sexual best in a new situation. focus on the relationship...getting to know each other. sometimes fooling around without intercourse can relax everybody. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzvm8", "comment_id": "dcv5nxy"}, {"question": "Other than a few beers, or LSD, is there an anti depression drug that isn't super terrible?", "description": "It's unfortunate that LSD is hard to get, and hard to verify if it's legit, because most people's only option is beer.\n\n\n", "answer": "Answer these questions for me.\n\n**What exactly is the problem?** \n\n*Not \"depression\", but what are you doing what behavior do you observe that leads you to be depressed? You will know it is specific enough when you can tell me that if I were a fly on the wall and watched you behave, I would know that you were \"depressed\"*\n\n**How is it a problem?**\n\n*Explain to me what your answer to the first question prevents you from doing? How exactly is it a problem? What would you be doing if you didn't have that problem?*\n\n**What have you been trying to do to solve the problem?**\n\n*List every step you have taken to solve the problem, every solution you have tried. If it has been telling yourself something, list that. I would like to know everything you have done in your best efforts to solve your problem*\n\n**What is the smallest change you would accept that would let you know the problem was fixed?**", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "6sp55z", "comment_id": "dlfgvxi"}, {"question": "[21/m] First love with (21/f) need some advice.", "description": "I recently got a bit more serious with this nice girl I know for almost 3 months. \nI see her 2/3 times a week we make out and doing fun activities but I need a bit advice.\n\n* I always said good morning and goodnight to her via Whatsapp when we were dating, but it feels a bit repetitive to me now. How do I tell her this without hurting her feelings?\n\n* When is a relationship a relationship? Do you I need to ask her?\n\n* Do men always need to take a girl somewhere or do women also have this obligation?\n\nThanks", "answer": "it's ok to say good morning and goodnight. it's a relationship when you both decide it's monogamous with a sense of commitment. women should initiate also and share expenses.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64c6wp", "comment_id": "dg1785a"}, {"question": "Anxiety? Help me understand what's happening!", "description": "Okay so back in July I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety with depressive markers. I have been in therapy and prescribed Fluoxetine....\n\nSo here's the situation...\n\nMy husband and I have very different ideas about money. He will literally wear shoes until they fall from his feet... I will by shoes and wear them once. Tonight we got into it because I went shopping without clearing it with him. He says everything was unnecessary. I spent six hours picking out things for our bedroom. Money, although I love to spend it, is a trigger for me. So I tend to just spend it and look at the bill later. \n\nSo anyway, husband is upset because I'm buying things. Husband is upset because I'm up at 2 and crying because I am afraid he's going to leave me because I keep buying things. YET when I'm alone, I can't deal with being at home so I go out. Spend money. So on and so forth. \n\nSo here's where I am - we are laying in bed . He's all like do you want me to get fired? Do you want me to get sick? Then why are you doing this right now? \n\nMeanwhile I'm flirting with an anxiety attack because I know I have been shopping while he's at work and I'm petrified he's gonna leave me. That's when I started to think - maybe I'm more helpful to him if he has my life insurance, because I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to stop this cycle. If I am not spending money excessively . I eat excessively. I'm disgusting.\n\nI'm 10k in credit card debt and nearly 375 lbs. I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know why I am doing what I am. It's like I'm on autopilot. When we met I was 280- I'm 6'1 FYI-there's no way he still wants me like this. \n\nAny advice would be helpful because at this point it's nearly 3am I'm wide awake , upset, annoyed, and just lost.\n", "answer": "Where do you live? There's places that can give you objective financial advice (Citizens Advice Bureau, in the UK, for example).\n\nYour partner seems overly controlling, presumably due to the significant debt. Could there be other debts that he might also be worried about? Might be worthwhile trying to find out.\n\nYou might find better advice in other (advice/financial) subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kvkwo", "comment_id": "dbr221b"}, {"question": "Could I have repressed CSA?", "description": "I'm 20m and for a few years now, I've been wondering whether or not I faced some sexual trauma and can't remember. I have no concrete memories of anything happening but there are a handful of symptoms that I feel like suggest something:\n- I freak out about being touched around my naval and sometimes thighs, and when a girl goes for my crotch I instinctively recoil and have to make myself relax.\n- I'm a bit of a sexual pleaser; I don't really care about my own gratification and find myself kinda numb during anything.\n- I masturbate to orgasm at least twice a day, and started doing so specifically to combat feelings of emptiness.\n- When I was a kid, I used to have this weird idea that older women wanted me. Particularly if they were nice to me, I suspected attraction, and I don't know how this idea came to a 6 year old.\n- I acted out sexual acts with dolls most nights at around 7 years old.\n- A man kissed me on the neck against my will when I was 18 (it was a complicated situation) and I suddenly thought 'oh, this again' with no explanation.\n- I carry the sense that the only way to be loved is to make myself attractive and sexually available.\n- I cover up my body for fear of being exposed.\n\nNow my mother was sexually assaulted and told me at the age of nine, so I wonder if that just gave me a certain sexual paranoia or even a need to invent a similar trauma to connect with her, if that makes sense. Also, she was never great with boundaries - she drunkenly went to the toilet while I was in the bath, laughing as I told her to get out, for example, and once or twice described sexual fetishes to me. Maybe small incidents like that had some effect, I don't know.\n\nI'm leaning towards the idea that I wasn't assaulted, or that my mother's occasional inappropriateness and hearing about her assault mixed me up a little. But I still can't shake the nagging feeling that something happened, and I'm always trying to remember it. I'm starting to worry about giving myself false memories, and I feel like an absolute scumbag trying to convince myself I have a problem. But when I view my child self as a csa victim, it's as if things suddenly clicks into place.\n\nDo you believe in repressed memories? Is it possible I could give myself false memories by obsessing over this? Does anything I described sound like a real symptom?", "answer": "Sorry you're going through this. For one thing, you said that feeling like a scumbag because you're trying to convince yourself you have a problem. \n\n\nThat's a load of bullshit. You're not trying to convince yourself you have a problem. It's pretty obvious YOU DO have a problem. \n\n\nAt this point, it's just a matter of where it's coming from. It is possible to have some of the hypervigilance you described simply from hearing about your mother's abuse at such a young age, especially if she went into graphic detail at all. \n\n\nThen again, when folks are sexually abused at a young age, it's extremely common for them to completely repress the memory. While this doesn't always have to be the case, we see that when this happens it's common that the person doesn't have a good vivid memory of their childhood during ages they really should. \n\n\nFor instance, Despite having some other more mild traumas throughout childhood, I'm fairly certain I was never sexually abused as a child (one can never be fully sure with repression and all). I have pretty spot on vivid memories going back as early as 2-3 years old. Now this is pretty young on average, but the majority of folks can recall at least a decent amount of detailed memories from about 4-5 and up. \n\n\nMany folks I've worked with who have experienced a ton of trauma have either almost no or an extremely hazy recollection of much later ages (ie. can't remember any real details of anything before 10 years old).\n\n\nEdit: Adding this last thing. Best chance of figuring things out is to both talk to a therapist about it as well as talk to older folks who you trust who might have been aware if anything went on with you while you were young that you can't remember. I wouldn't really recommend doing the last part without having a therapist on hand to process the experience.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fd9gtk", "comment_id": "fjhs0io"}, {"question": "Need Relationship Help", "description": "I have been diagnosed with BPD and I am running away every single potential person I meet. My trust issues are coming up every time I drink and I'm running them away. I need advice on how to approach new relationships. ", "answer": "I should also note that I am a graduate student as well as working and it's hard to already meet people (I'm in DC), additionally I've used the apps. Most recently I went down to NYE with friends and had been speaking to someone for a few weeks and he and his friends also came down (3 states away) and we all hung out, rung in the new year. On my way to the airport he told me that he was no longer interested and that \"I was looking for something more serious\" than him. This is the 4th time in a row someone has said this to me and I don't know what I'm doing by looking too serious. All I have done is respond when they reach out and make plans with them, so I'm at a loss and the constant rejecting is only making my abandonment issues more prevalent. I'm feeling unlovable. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "abzxz7", "comment_id": "ed4bh6g"}, {"question": "I [20F] have a crush on a friend [22F] but I love my partner [24F] of almost a year.", "description": "So I'm a junior in college; I met my girlfriend online. We flirted long distance for a few months before we started dating, and then we spent the summer together. She moved across the country to continue her degree at my school and now we're roommates as well as partners. \nShe's amazing. I can definitely see us having a long and happy future together. \nBut. \nI've started getting involved in the campus radio station. The other night I went to a meeting and met one of the student leaders who I'd heard of but never officially met. We hit it off and I thought I'd gained a great friend. I'll admit I was the tiniest bit attracted to her but didn't flirt or anything. \nShortly after that things started getting weird. She invited me to her apartment housewarming party. She asked me to dinner and a movie. It was my girl who pointed out that she was flirting. I asked her about it and she admitted it. Then I let her know that I had a girlfriend and wasn't interested. \nEver since I met this other girl, I've been wondering what it would be like if I were single and able to explore the possibility of a relationship. It's not like I'm sexually attracted to her; I just think she's such a cool person. \nI'd never cheat on my partner, and she's said that if we were to break up she wouldn't come back. I really love her and couldn't imagine my life without her. She knows about my crush and insists it's normal. She's been working to fix some small issues in our relationship. But I'm worried it's not normal and it won't go away. No matter how hard I try I think about seeing where things might go with the other girl and feel so guilty. \nWhat should I do?\nTl;dr: I love my girlfriend of almost a year but have an intense crush on another girl that makes me wish I could explore it. I'd never cheat but don't want to break up. The other girl has no idea and keeps trying to get closer to both of us as a friend. ", "answer": "You're going to have crushes for the rest of your life. You're the only one who gets to decide what they mean and what to do about them, but I'll repeat: you're gonna have crushes for the rest of your life. No matter who you're with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70p07p", "comment_id": "dn4ua8l"}, {"question": "Plz plz Help. I think I might have brain tumor and it extremely affecting my mental health", "description": "17, male, 5'6, 120lbs, Indian. It all started when I noticed a bump on the back of my head(about a week ago). I have had headache since. Went to the doctor twice, he told me everything was fine. Might seem stupid but he told me it was just my bone(the bump one my head). The headache never goes away. The thing that I am most worried about is pin and needles in my legs,feet, hands and arms for the past 24 hours. My other symptoms include nausea, stiffness in my legs. Plz help, it's really affecting my day to day life.", "answer": "Brain tumors can't be felt externally, so the bump on your head is irrelevant.\n\nChronic headache for a week that's stable is also unlikely to be a brain tumor, particularly as the first symptom. The other symptoms don't really add up to any particular problem, but it could be something, or the combination of physical symptoms and anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g3phof", "comment_id": "fnspjy2"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "do1g28q"}, {"question": "Aspergers misdiagnosed as Manic Depression?", "description": "Was wondering if anyone else has come into this situation/has any experience with how they went about fixing it. I was diagnosed 3 years ago as Bipolar Type II, but after finding symptom's of Aspergers a few weeks ago, it's been bouncing around my mind as an alternate diagnoses that explains alot more. \n\nHas anyone else had experience in a co-morbidity and/or misdiagnoses between the two, and is it worth going to a therapist to ask some generalized questions? ", "answer": "It is hard to imagine a licensed psychologist confusing Bipolar II and Asperger's. Hypomania really doesn't have anything in common with Asperger's, and the depression part of Bipolar II could be related to almost any diagnosis, not just asperger's.\n\nIf someone with AS was misdiagnosed with Bipolar II, it is not because they are similar, it is malpractice.\n\nNow if someone actually has both Bipolar II and Asperger's, the Bipolar II might overshadow the Asperger's causing a psychologist to miss the diagnosis.\n\nIt can never hurt to talk to your therapist or a licensed psychologist about your questions and concerns. Before you do, know there are specific criteria that you must meet before being diagnosed with any disorder. You may want to ask how you met the criteria for BPII and whether you meet those criteria for AS.\n\nAny licensed professional is well-trained in diagnosis. Unfortunately, many licensed professionals become lazy hacks once they are done with school and internships. That is the only reason I can think of that BPII and AS would be confused.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1btuo1", "comment_id": "c9a2t5n"}, {"question": "ADHD and lifting at the gym / diet / pre workouts", "description": "Hello there! \n\nI have recently been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 24. I am currently hitting the gym quite hard around 5/6 days a week.\n\nI am 6ft 6\" and of slim build I started medication a couple of weeks ago (concerta 36mg) and I have a couple of questions. \n\n1: Can I still take a pre-workout before the gym? (Without caffeine perhaps)\n2: As my medication is a stimulant I have found my appetite decrease and it's effecting my progression... Any way I can work up my appetite? \n", "answer": "You should still be able to workout. As you'll know, decreased appetite is common on methylphenidate, tell your prescriber. Cant give you advice other than to motivate yourself to eat regularly.\n\nOut of interest - what symptoms of ADHD were you struggling with? When did it start? Why only at age 24 have you been diagnosed? Any response from the medication?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vbd0z", "comment_id": "de1ilzj"}, {"question": "Is this a reason enough to break up with someone?", "description": "I have a boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months. We meet about once every week and he has told me that he loves me.\nI told him when we began this relationship that I want to take things slow, because when we started dating it was only a month and a half after me and my ex broke up after a three year relationship.\n\nI felt good with my current BF but he told me shortly after we started the relationship that he had been anorexic, but was absolutely and perfectly well now. I had been battling anorexia about 8 months before we began dating so I know how it is.\n\nBut I have noticed that he isn't over it, he eats like a little girl, constantly counts calories and it is triggering me, really bad. Around other people I don't feel like stopping eating, starving myself for perfection but around him I do.\n\nI have told him about this and that I feel uncomfortable naked around him, because he's so thin and fragile, meanwhile I now have some meat on my bones (130 pounds, he weight much less and is taller.)\n\nHe thinks it is only about me being uncomfortable naked, but it is just really hard, and I can't handle with it, I want to focus on my own health, I try to help him, but I only can feel myself getting worse.\n\nThere are also other reasons why I want to break up with him.\nI am moving out of the country in six months or so, to go to Uni and then we will break up. \n\nWhen we have sex it is only he who orgasms, and we never ever cuddle.\n\nHe thinks this is a happy,normal relationship(his first) but I know it isn't.\n\nThank you for reading this.\n\n**TLDR**\nWell, I feel like my BF for six months is really pushing my anorexic tendancies and that makes me feel really bad, but I do not know if that is a a reason enough to break up with him.\n\n\n", "answer": "Just want to add another voice to the chorus, from a fellow ED sufferer: Break up with this guy. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "p4odj", "comment_id": "c3mjml9"}, {"question": "increased facial hair??", "description": "hi ladies, i'm very stressed out, I do notice my body hair and facial hair, however I feel as if it has increased, now I don't know if it's true, but could my birth control shot[estradiol+Norethisterone] have something to do with it? I feel like I have more facial hair, but I'm not sure I'm exaggerating or if it's true. I took pictures last week to compare them in a month. \n", "answer": "I think stress can worsen PCOS symptoms. I've tried spearmint tea but no specific results for me after 2+ months. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3smlya", "comment_id": "cwz8jpd"}, {"question": "I don't know women", "description": "This post is actually a big question to women of the world, because there is one big thing I'm really confused about. \n\nSo I broke up with my girlfriend (she's 22 this year) a few days back and I'm reflecting what really went wrong so I can improve to win her back or to at least help me move on to a future without her. \n\nWe broke up in a peaceful manner, no fighting no anything, just a sad talk and though I was unwilling, I decided to agree to end our relationship because she said she no longer had feelings for me and there's no point in maintaining an one sided relationship. \n\nSo from the talk we had, I learned quite a few things:\n\u2022 So apparently from the start when i was wooing her, she thought that I was not ready for a relationship/unwilling to put in maximum effort for a relationship (admittedly im at least somewhat like that) but she still agreed to a relationship because she felt she was \"still young\" (she was 20 then) and she believed that I'll be different after we become official. \n\u2022 She had talked about my lack of initativeness and subsequently, the fact that me being a beta male means I was the opposite of her ideal partner (an alpha male who will make her take a girlfriend role)\n\u2022 She told me the previous points about 3-4 times from Sep 2016 and I made (empty) promises that I'll change for her, since she had done the same to suit me, and while I thought I had changed enough, as it turns out it's still not enough\n\u2022 So just bear in mind it's being troubling her for at least 5-6 months and even perhaps at the start of our 13 months relationship \n\nBUT there's the confusing part\n\u2022 While she's starting to become disappointed in me, she didn't say anything despite I encouraged an honest relationship (but maybe she didnt want to hurt me or she wanted me to take the initiative to change\n\u2022 Then I was reading the past messages (not a good idea tbh but whats done is done) and I read that her anniversary message was really like heart shapes and stuff like what she would usually do. That was December 2016\n\u2022 Then suddenly in a matter of weeks (not more than 1 month) she just changed 180 degrees and she said she lost ALL feelings for me cos of her disappointment in me (and some anger) and this was apparent when her style of messaging changed (more cold and less hearts etc)\n\n\nSo I'm confused? How is it possible for someone to change so sudden/shouldn't the change be like gradually? Okay she was more mushy during the start of the relationship during the honeymoon period but i guess it's cos it's the honeymoon?\n\u2022 Or is it I was blind enough not to notice the gradual coldness? \n\u2022 I doubt so but could it be that she was just acting throughout the past few months to not hurt my feelings?\n\u2022 Or is it just the act of emotions and anger and that is just an impulsive decision?\n\nCan the women of reddit enlighten me so I can finally put this issue to ease? Thanks ", "answer": "it's not about women. it's about a singular very mixed up woman.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5peb64", "comment_id": "dcqi0ky"}, {"question": "Planning ahead for medication changes for psychosis and seizures.", "description": "22F\n66.6kgs\n172cm\nCaucasian\n\nCase history: \n\nI experienced a severe TBI two years ago and was placed into a drug-induced coma for two months to regulate brain swelling and intracranial pressures. \n\nI experienced drug-induced tonic-clonic seizures (I\u2019ve forgotten the name of this drug but can find it if needed). \n\nI awoke from my coma and took 9 months to leave the in-patient rehabilitation facility after these two months in the ICU. \n\nThe areas of my brain are said to increase the likelihood of future seizures (left prefrontal cortex and right back cerebellum from concussive force). A skull fracture occurred on the back of my skull and a brain probe was inserted into the prefrontal cortex to regulate pressure. I was kept in cryostasis. \n\nBefore the accident I had been prescribed Sumatriptan for monthly hormone-related migraines, Ventolin for exercise-induced asthma and Metoprolol (1x25 mg/day) for my mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure and social-anxiety related urticaria. I have bilastine (4x20mg/day) prescribed for urticaria in my legs when standing from long periods due to poor circulation. \n\nThe experts at the rehabilitation clinic had prescribed me 500mg 2x/day Keppra (Levetiracetam) and Seroquel (Quetiapine) 25-50mg 1x/day. Keppra caused psychosis and subsequent insomnia, hence the Seroquel. The Keppra also caused hair loss, incessant itching, concentration issues, rashes, emotion regulation issues and other things. Seroquel causes fatigue and weight gain (10kgs in under 4 months). \n\nI now need to drive and am doing a strenuous degree. The concentration issues and constant fatigue in combination to the psychosis and insomnia became too much. To drive I must stay on an anti-epileptic. I am being switched to Lamictal over the next six weeks to accommodate these factors. \n\nMy question is, in the case that the Seroquel must be continued (i.e. the chronic fatigue does not stop), can Seroquel be prescribed for the psychosis and insomnia, Modafinil for the fatigue and concentration issues and Lamictal for the chance of seizures? Do these medications conflict? Would a sedative and a stimulant combination completely wreck my body\u2019s own energy regulatory systems?\n\nI know that it is not super to have been prescribed Seroquel to counteract the side-effects of Keppra, but I fear that the two years of being on Keppra will have ingrained the psychotic personality traits and habits so deeply that I will have to now always take Seroquel and subsequently suffer from chronic fatigue. \n\nI would be so grateful for any help and if this may be something feasible and worth bringing up the next time I can see my doctors. Thanks.", "answer": "Partly to u/dranoto as well. \n\nKeppra side effects can be permanent. Lacosamide (Vimpat) and zonisamide (Zonegran) have less effect on mood. Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and valproate (Depakote) definitely are better for mood, and the former tends to have few side effects. (The dame can\u2019t be said for valproate.)\n\nAt 50 mg Seroquel is basically not an antipsychotic anyway. If you do need an antipsychotic, there are more tolerable options, usually. If you just need something for sleep, there are also many drugs with better side effect profiles.\n\nYou have doctors already. Talk to them about making the switches.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hxwamn", "comment_id": "fz9gb3m"}, {"question": "hi, i'm a stalker and i need help", "description": "Hi. I'm a stalker, and I don't want to be. \n\nAre there any resources targeted toward men who do this but don't want to? Something that isn't the typical \"tough love / scare tactic\" stuff.\n\nIt's pretty bad and it isn't getting better. \n\nedit: please do not recommend therapy or try to sell me on e-therapists or assume that there are competent affordable therapist in my area. thank you. no therapy recommendations.", "answer": "Consider doing an assessment at your closest batterers intervention program. They also do stalking behavior, or could refer you to a place you\u2019d need. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7clo0e", "comment_id": "dpr6jph"}, {"question": "girl liking me help", "description": "There is this girl that I graduated high school with (both 18) and we have hung out to smoke maybe twice and I\u2019ve seen her at a few parties but we have never really talked.\nMe and her both recently got out of relationships so we hung out, smoked and then did the adult deed. A day or two after she was texting me asking if we were just fuckbuddies or if we were talking etc. and all of her texts have heart emojis and her saying \u201chow cute and funny I am\u201d even though we have literally hung out twice ever and she knows nothing about me \n\nI just wanted some consensual sex and it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t want to talk to her it\u2019s just we have never talked about ourselves or anything personal. I don\u2019t want to lead this girl on to think that we are talking but I still want to have sex with her. \n\nAny thoughts are appreciated ", "answer": "The best thing that you can do for the both of you is be honest and straight forward. Basically let her know that you're down to hang out like before, but you're not interested in any type of relationship and looking to keep things more casual. \n\n\nSo long as you're straight forward with it, it's up to her to decide if she's okay with that or not. \n\n\nThe only way you come out being the bad guy here is if you lead her on or aren't clear with your intentions. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zca5r", "comment_id": "e2hmni5"}, {"question": "It's been over 6 months since I [26m] got dumped by my ex [25f] and I still can't get her out of my head, what should I do?", "description": "We were together for about a year and 4 months and I was about to move closer to her. We had a really bad breakup, mostly with me not knowing how do deal with these emotions until it got to the point where she just refused to talk to me. I called her twice asking her to reconsider and thought we agreed to wait until after her finals so we can reevaluate the situation, but after a month I texted her and she responded with \"don't reach out to me again\".\n\nThe first few weeks after the breakup I was a mess, even had the police here a few times cause my friends were worried about me. I can't blame them for it, but I don't think it was needed.\n\nFast forward a few months, and I still struggle ever day not to contact her (haven't reached out to her since late December when she said not to contact her again) and I just don't know how much longer I can stay sane with this pain. Most of my friends are getting tired of dealing me with and I honestly cant blame them... I wasn't to be with her more than anything in the world, and I'd do anything to make this pain go away. I've tried seeing a therapist and even tried many different ones, but that wasn't helping. I met new people and made awesome new friends but I don't know how much longer I can keep hiding this depression from everyone. \n\nHow do I open a discussion with her again? How do I fix this and not let the person I love destroy me emotionally... How do I become my old cheerful self again so I can meet someone new? I'm lost, confused, hurt and just don't know what to do with my life anymore", "answer": "My suggestion would be therapy, and progress in therapy can take time. Why haven't you stuck with a therapist? Working through this will take time and effort on your part, focusing on yourself and not her. \n\nA therapist may suggest exploring antidepressants which can be a short term option to help get you through this time. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69p31i", "comment_id": "dh8i5yp"}, {"question": "Help with understanding what my MTHFR mutation is and what treatments are available", "description": "Mandatory info:\n\n Age: 19\n Sex: female\n Height: 5'6\n Weight: 114 lbs\n Race: white\n Duration of complaint: two months at this severity of symptoms, lifelong presence of symptoms\n Location: whole body\n Any existing relevant medical issues: diagnosed anxiety and ADHD, bouts of depression, MTHFR mutation\n Current medications: Cymbalta 20mg, Focalin 15mg, birth control\n\nBackground: For the past two months, ever since college started again, I've been struggling with severe exhaustion and lack of motivation, plus elevated anxiety. I came to the realization that I've actually always struggled with exhaustion, that being tired all the time wasn't normal, and I told all of this to my psychiatrist. I got a slew of tests done on my blood and genes, and last week got the results back.\n\nResults: B12 deficiency (level of B12 in my blood is 212 pg/ml, so .212 ng/ml), homozygous MTHFR C677T mutation, and I found out that both my anti-anxiety/antidepressant medication and my ADHD medication aren't well suited to me.\n\nTreatment: I had a shot of cyanocobalamin; have started taking Deplin and 1000mcg sublingual methylcobalamin daily; switched zoloft for cymbalta; and will switch my ADHD medication in a month once I'm back home.\n\nQuestion: Despite my best attempts at researching my mutation, I've struggled to figure out exactly what effect it has on my body. I know it hinders the conversion of folic acid to its bioavailable form, but that doesn't seem to quite explain the B12 deficiency. On top of that, I'm struggling to figure out my treatment options. There's oral/sublingual supplements, shots, and the cyanocobalamin vs methylcobalamin debate (my doctor prescribed cyanocobalamin, but my research seems to imply that's the inferior form for someone with this mutation). The plan is to do the shot and take daily sublingual supplements until I get my blood tested again in a month (which is what I have done), but the backup option is to get regular shots for a few weeks before going to either monthly shots or sublingual supplements. Given that I felt more energetic for about 36 hours after the shot before fading back to the intense exhaustion I've been experiencing, I'm tempted to move to the backup plan, but maybe I just haven't given the sublinguals enough time.\n\nI'm already planning to contact my psychiatrist about all this, but I'd like to go into it with more information. I'm kind of desperate because these issues aren't getting better, but they're definitely getting in the way of my ability to function academically, and I'm scared about how this semester is going to go if I don't start getting better soon.", "answer": "MTHFR mutation testing and treatment is largely pseudoscience; we don't really know what the different alleles mean, but none are significant enough for treatment. A B12 >200 pg/mL isn't deficiency but might warrant further testing, but genetic testing is not terribly useful.\n\nMy guess is that your 36 hour response is a placebo response and that you should talk to your psychiatrist about more effective treatment, but not B12. That's likely to be a red herring unless you also have megaloblastic anemia or other signs of B12 deficiency.\n\nAs an aside, genetic testing for psychiatric medications is also a largely unproven field. There may be benefit, but it hasn't been well shown in studies not conducted with high risk of bias (i.e. by the companies doing the testing). ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9q9s3h", "comment_id": "e87sem9"}, {"question": "Does medical grade (clean) THC oil transfer to breast milk? And if so, how will it effect my baby?", "description": "I\u2019m a bit of an anxious person as is. My baby is 4 months old. I breast feed and formula feed. A good friend of mine has a baby and has been using THC oil almost daily since her baby was 3 months old (she breastfeeds). She claims that she has done several drug screens of her breast milk and they have all been negative. She also claims it\u2019s perfectly safe and has no effect on her baby. For what it\u2019s worth, her 1 year old is extremely intelligent, independent and talkative. \nWould it be safe for me to try this? Maybe not daily, but once in a while?\nWill it transfer to my breast milk? If so, for how long? Will it effect my child and if so, how?", "answer": "u/highrhymes has given good advice here, but I'll chime in and agree. There's very limited data on THC exposure in children, particularly infrequent rather heavy use. That said, everything we know points to THC being not good for neurological development in adolescents, and there's no reason to think it would be better for infants.\n\nMy advice, similarly, would be to completely avoid THC. It's possible that the amount transmitted in breast milk is low enough and that there is a threshold below which it has no effect, but we don't know that. It may be safe. It probably is mostly safe, most of the time. But it's a completely avoidable risk, so why not avoid it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b12n8f", "comment_id": "eiixzzb"}, {"question": "Should I Go Back On Medication For My MDD?", "description": " \n\n* 24\n* Male\n* 6'1\n* 160 lbs\n* White\n* 8 months\n* USA, Texas, my brain.\n* Major Depressive Disorder or MDD.\n* No current medication, previously on Lexapro. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nHi everyone, so I've been considering whether or not to go on medication for Major Depressive Disorder. I've talked to the psychologists at health and science center in my city and they recommend it. But my talk therapist that I see semi-regularly says that it is all up to me whether I want to take the medication or not due to me being functional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nA little backstory. Back in October of 2018, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. We lived together, she moved out and I ended up having what I discovered was called a 'depressive episode'. I went to the hospital a few weeks after we broke up because I just didn't feel normal and I was crying and upset, so they ended up sending me to the ward for a few days and prescribed me lexapro. Just to clarify, this has never happened to me before, I have not been to the hospital for anything other than physical injuries when I was a child and I do not vomit my feelings onto complete strangers, especially to the point where they wanted to hospitalize me.\n\nWhile I was in the hospital I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. After I got out, I began seeing a therapist and working through my issues. In my history, according to the doctors, I have had 2 depressive episodes and I am at risk for a third one. One I had before the diagnosis and one during the diagnosis.\n\nI was on lexapro for a month, it made me 'level out' emotionally speaking. But I felt cold and unfeeling, I did not experience any highs or lows, I just felt distant or on autopilot when I was on it. I did not have any refills and they wanted to switch me to prozac after this but I did not feel comfortable with that.\n\nAbout my life: I work a normal 8-5 job at a small office, I'm 24 and live with a few roomates. I have my own car and my life is pretty stable financially speaking. The problem is, most days I feel very tense, I don't like my job very much and can spiral really easily while I'm there. I get to sleep easy and wake up pretty easy and I get about 7 - 8 hours of sleep per night. But when I wake up, I do not feel rested most of the time. I do go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I eat healthy and drink lots of water.\n\nI do tend to have problems with thinking about suicide, as right now I feel like I'm having more bad days, then good ones. I do not talk to anyone about thinking about it, I try to not think those thoughts. But if it isn't that, I tend to have excessive guilt for past wrongs I've committed, especially in regards to having sex. As I do not feel I am entirely over my previous relationship.\n\nAnyways, I just want to feel normal again. I want to have regular motivation and not feel so foggy, tired and sad a lot of the time. But I am not sure medication is a good choice as I am afraid of some of the side effects. Not to mention the stigma that comes with being on something like prozac. I fear that it will effect my brain chemistry and that's not something I want to keep messing with. As it is I don't want to mess with my head, I don't want to lose parts of my personality even further.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTL;DR: Want to feel better but do not to go on prozac. Should I do it anyway?", "answer": "As I think has already been brought up, there's no obligation to take an antidepressant. It's reasonable to continue with psychotherapy alone. Medication plus therapy on average tends to be more effective and have more durable effect than just one or the other. The question is whether it would be helpful, on balance. The overall evidence is yes, but it's not overwhelmingly strong evidence, and your individual experience can be different.\n\nThe one thing I would bring up is the fear that you don't want to mess with your brain chemistry. In reality, everything we do alters our brains. Therapy alters brains in a way that can be seen on neuroimaging like fMRI; it actually looks very much like taking antidepressants (when both work). If you want to feel different, you need your brain to be different, whether that's through what you do, medication, or both.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhbzu6", "comment_id": "elrly58"}, {"question": "DAE get their depression triggered when they are in a \"happy\" environment?", "description": "Was recently at a ball party thing and honestly felt the worst I've felt in ages. I think it is because I see things other have that I don't like happiness, friends, partners, plans etc. For the same reasons I find so called \"happy\" romantic films super depressing because I get so jealous. I'm so jealous of people who are happy, and who can talk to others without anxiety. ", "answer": "Kind of similar, but sometimes my depression is triggered by BEING happy and wanting more of this feeling and then becoming upset at the fact that I was denied this feeling for so much of my life and will soon be denied it again.\n\nFor example, I recently began to make a friend. I'm terrified of people because of how I've been hurt in the past and have social anxiety, but it felt so natural with her. The few times we've hung out, I've had such an effortlessly great time and she makes me feel so good about myself. However, this friendship is brief as I will be moving out of state in a month. So every time I have fun with her or feel happy because I was successful in beginning a friendship, it is followed by me feeling intensely lonely inside. Angry at my past, angry I'm not healthier or in a better position now, angry I don't have years of these experiences of friendship and love to encourage me to find new ones when I have to leave others behind (or they leave me, more likely). Every failure is a crushing blow and every success makes me fall into self pity. Jealousy. I'm jealous of this girl and her friendships and I wish I was surrounded by people who love me and admire me, and where that feeling is MUTUAL. I want to love someone and have them love me back the same. I want this. I've begun to get it, and it hurts just the same.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6kltzb", "comment_id": "djnkx2c"}, {"question": "Those annoying intrusive thoughts", "description": "Ive been having them the last like, week. Im afraid to talk about them in real life since I don't want anyone to think I'm like, actually in any way suicidal, even though I have those images shoving their way in. Im just so... annoyed honestly. Thus the title.\n\nIm actually not even doing badly, not really. had a good day aside from when i apparently tore my cuticle on something, but even that is just an annoyance. But the thoughts just had to shove their wway in.\n\nI dunno, I guess i'm just venting maybe. Its ticking me off and spoiling my mood. also my finger hurts. \n\nBut yeah anyway. sorry, I hope i didnt break any of the rules here or anything. I don't think i did but just in case. I just don't think keeping it to myself was doing me any good at all.", "answer": "Very normal symptom of depression. Not useful to try and suppress them generally. Mindfulness and meditation are some of the best ways to cope. You want to teach yourself to not take them literally and just let them be thoughts. Brains overreact all the time.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "517l1b", "comment_id": "d7a5vu8"}, {"question": "When/How to get a new therapist?", "description": "So, I recently started therapy for the first time. My counselor helped me find her and reassured me the company she worked with was great. I\u2019ve gone to 4 appointments now, though, and I\u2019m just not sure. I\u2019m mostly concerned because we haven\u2019t gotten to the actual \u201ctherapy\u201d part yet. The first two appointment were paperwork, the most recent two have been practicing mindfulness/grounding, but she hasn\u2019t really shown any concern about my issues. I think a lot of this is just because we haven\u2019t clicked yet (and I struggle a lot when I don\u2019t click with people,) but I\u2019m not sure when to throw in the towel or where to even start.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI'd bring up this in session with her. This would be a good way for her to gauge your idea of progress within the therapy process so far and it would help clear the air a bit and give you a chance to speak a bit more about it. It can be simple as \"It's been 4 sessions now and I don't feel like we've really gotten into why I'm here.\" Also, it might be good to ask what it might \"look like\" when \"the actual therapy\" part arrives. What kinds of things do you expect? What are you hoping to see?\n\nI get the idea a lot from new clients that want to just jump right in and immediately start working on stuff. There are a lot of reasons why that might not happen immediately, and 4 sessions is not a lot of time (unless your therapist specifically uses short term approaches. But since she has done 2 sessions of paperwork and 2 sessions of grounding, I would imagine not). \n\nYou are the one that has full say in what you choose to do, though. If you feel like it's just not clicking you are perfectly able to find someone else. I would definitely at least bring up these ideas with her first and see how she responds. That might give you a clearer answer.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ehn4hb", "comment_id": "fck7kwi"}, {"question": "Baldness?", "description": "I'm a 16 F, and I have OCD with trichotillomania. I also have depression and some trauma. That's my overview. But I have been pulling a bit more hair lately and scratching more because I keep feeling like I'm gonna get lice, or I'm just anxious/scared. So I've been very scared if getting bald patches or thinness. Well my boyfriend was on his phone, and I asked him if he thought my hair was getting a little thinner. He looked briefly and said \"slightly\". I tried to play it off, I never should have asked him. But I freaked out. He sat there with me while I cried for an hour, and listened to me talk. He said he was sorry and he wasnt really paying that much attention when I asked, he thought I had noticed and was asking his opinion, and he should reply with a little just in case, that way I could stop it of something was starting. But he swore up and down that he didnt think I was balding and that It really was just my part, and my cowlick. He even promised. He hasnt broken a promise to me in years and years. I really want to believe him. But I also have horrible self image. I'll soend hours taping myself trying to identify my flaws and prove to myself if they're there or not. So I'm having difficulty believing him. I'm freaking out now. My hair was the only thing I kind of liked about myself. And I'm scared I'm going bald. I want to believe him. But I cant seem to get over this. Any advice?", "answer": "Are you able to get cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist? Do your parents/caregivers know about the extent of what you\u2019re experiencing? I\u2019m so sorry it\u2019s impacting your life so extensively.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "drt6w7", "comment_id": "f6l0m9v"}, {"question": "I'm a college student and I think I may have a sever anxiety and/or depression issues. How do I get help? I don't know what to do.", "description": "My university's health services are notoriously bad and I'll have to wait months to see someone. I'm in the US btw. I can't really talk to my parents about it because they don't believe in mental health issues, they think I just have a discipline problem. I'm 20 years old.\n\nFor context, I worked hard in high school and got into a very good college, but am now essentially unable to do anything. I constantly feel anxiety in my stomach and have a hard time even checking my email, and I can't even muster the motivation to get up in the morning. It may just be me being a lazy POS, but I feel like I should talk to someone.\n\nPlease lmk if I should post this elsewhere.", "answer": "You could also ask in r/AskPsychiatry.\n\nYou don't really have a specific question here. If you have insurance, even through your parents, there should be a number on the card that you can call for mental health services. The networks they have can be frustrating to access and getting to see someone can take months regardless. University health services might at least be a start for you, and they might be able to make a referral.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hbn2op", "comment_id": "fvco07f"}, {"question": "Will I ever be deemed good enough for anyone?", "description": "My whole life no one has ever thought I was anything even remotely special. Not one person. I've had very few friends and no boyfriend. I don't know what to do. My life is pretty much at a complete dead end. It's too late now for me to have any of the things I've wanted for so long. ", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel, I often feel the same way. Don\u2019t give up on yourself. You have value and someone will see that. Maybe put yourself out there and start meeting new people. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "araqh2", "comment_id": "eglulxt"}, {"question": "Are therapists trained to be empathetic/sympathetic?", "description": "Or is it legit when they offer praise or sympathy?", "answer": "I am a graduate student in a mental health counseling program. Therapists are trained to be empathetic, not sympathetic, but that might not mean what you mean by \"empathetic\". It means the therapist is working to put him/herself in the client's shoes, not feel bad/sorry for the client. \n\nOne of the major focuses of therapeutic training is that you cannot be a good therapist without truly connecting with and caring about your clients. There will always be some distance in he therapist-client relationship, but any praise or commiseration should be genuine, even if it's expression has been thought out in advance. So, if your therapist is expressing emotion with you, it isn't fake, even if they received training in better ways to express those emotions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s3pvu", "comment_id": "cnlwlzt"}, {"question": "What does DBT advise for mood swings?", "description": "That's the problem I struggle the most with - I'll be feeling okay, and then suddenly I'll be triggered into a depressed mood or sometimes irrational anger.\n\nWhat does DBT advise you to do in those situations? I've tried googling it but haven't found much beyond \"Take a bath lol\" level advice, which isn't particularly helpful. ", "answer": "Not DBT specifically, but what I've always found helpful is practicing mindfulness during the mood swings. Take space, be by yourself, recognize how you are feeling and try to distance yourself from those swings. The swing is bpd, it's irrational and it's not founded in truth.\n\nDistractions! music is a powerful tool that can help get you out of a pickle. Conversations with another trusted person who knows you and what you go through. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Color something. Do some origami. Eat! Cook! Create! Cry, because sometimes it helps and it's okay ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2vaiux", "comment_id": "cofwwom"}, {"question": "Is it too much to ask?", "description": "I really do not know. Is it too much to ask? I want a man that truly cares about me, that is respectable (somewhat successful), with good character, TALL, and SMART (I'm in school to be a pharmacist, I would absolutely love to marry a medical professional). I want him to be awesome. I have found many guys that represent this description but I don't desire him like I want to. I want to really crave my man, sexually. I know I can be ravenous for someone bc I have experienced it before. If I desire him I can almost guarantee he will be a very happy man and we would have a very healthy relationship. But as it has seemed, I think I am asking for too much. I know a few guys that really like me that are awesome guys, and they are attractive but I'm not drawn to them sexually. I think I'm asking for too much ", "answer": "tall, medical professional.....these are not important qualities and limit the field unnecessarily", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61cjhw", "comment_id": "dfdiraz"}, {"question": "I found out my mom [68/f] is having an affair with a coworker. I tell my dad [68/m] right?", "description": "I found some inappropriate text messages between my mom and a coworker. I don't know if they have done anything sexual or even hung out outside of work. To summarize the text messages they were using pet names for each other, he was constantly calling her beautiful, complementing her outfits, and how good she smelled. I think they were also meeting up during breaks onsite at work. For the most part he was initiating it, and she was mostly responding with a kissy face emoji. This was not easy for me to read. I plan on telling my dad this Sunday in person. I don't exactly know how I'm going to tell him, but I feel like I have to. I have no idea what the fallout will be. Is telling him the right thing to do? I guess I'm looking for reassurance. \n\n.\n\nEdit: I'm not telling the co-workers wife. I agree not my business. I don't want to hurt my dad or for them to split up. If i was in this situation I would want to know. That's where my thought process is coming from. Right now I'm leaning more towards just confronting my mom. Then what do I do? I confront her tell her to stop and then stay out of it?", "answer": "Stay out of it. Don't get in the middle. Talk to your Mom about your concerns", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7662a3", "comment_id": "doborwu"}, {"question": "Maybe if jobs require a doctors note to get a sick day...", "description": "...it should be a covered benefit. There\u2019s a fucking suggestion. I\u2019m sick of paying out of my ass every time I get sick. ", "answer": "It\u2019s ridiculous to send someone to a doctor\u2019s office full of other germs, pay a copay, just for them to say \u201cyou\u2019re right Dave, you do have a cold\u201d. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aio1xw", "comment_id": "eeq8i37"}, {"question": "Should I tell my girlfriend I enjoy gay porn?", "description": "So first off, this has been something ive been struggling with internally for quite a bit. Not because I think I may be gay, not because im uncomfy with the fact that I do enjoy gay porn, but because I dont know how she will react to this. I am confident in my sexuality, I know that I am straight, but I cant help but enjoy gay porn (along with straight porn, which is what I mainly view). And I know im not the only one, which is evident by a quick google, but to explain it quickly, I'd say i enjoy it simply because i enjoy thinking of the way gay sex feels. Im fairly into anal play with myself and my gf as well(for her, for me, etc.) and I believe that there is nothing wrong with any of that. The way I see it is, if I was made this way biologically, to enjoy the feeling of something in my ass, then why would it be gay to do those things? Im not so concerned with labels however as I am with just how she'd react, we have had a light discussion on what it means to be gay recently, and she agreed with my whole outlook on this subject to a degree. I just dont want her to feel like I'd ever have any chance of being attracted to a guy, because I am not in any way, nor could I ever be. I dont want to add to her worries of girls and whatnot, and I feel like theres a possibility she could freak out if i told her, also because i've been \"hiding\" this for so long. Any advice or tips would be appreciated, thanks.", "answer": "if you enjoy gay porn, then there are some gay feelings inside you that should be explored, perhaps with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68rlu0", "comment_id": "dh13wh5"}, {"question": "ADHD 101", "description": "Hi, I just got diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago, and I'm on Dexedrine. \n\nI was wondering what some strategies to function well are. I'm a university student, so focusing in class and being able to get myself to study is super important, and I'm still unable to do either of those. \n\nHelp!! Thank you, love you!!", "answer": "Hi, I love you too! Does it help you to study in a particular space or type of environment? Or what about setting a timer for yourself for what feels like a manageable chunk of time to study? Are you motivated by rewarding yourself? (This doesn\u2019t work for me because I\u2019ll just reward myself whether I do the task or not but maybe you\u2019re different \ud83d\ude02)\n\nEdit: also some people find fidgeting really does help them stay present and focused so you could get some kind of fidget for class.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ab7ikh", "comment_id": "ecy1vtp"}, {"question": "BPD and hallucinations", "description": "So I guess my BPD has gotten worse... I've started seeing hallucinations. I thought it was just a one time thing at first but it's been reoccurring. Will this go away or am I completely fucked up at this point? Is there a way to recover from this quicker? I'm active duty military and can't afford to be dealing with hallucinations.", "answer": "Don't joke or ignore severe symptoms of mental health. You have a responsibility in your career and your life that you need to be in the best health to do so. Seek professional treatment. It will be alright. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "448abb", "comment_id": "czozsou"}, {"question": "Is it legal for parents to do this?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This is going to be a long post, thank you for reading. \n\nLast Sunday my brother got into an argument with my mother. We'll call him Sam, he's 15. I'm a girl and I'm 17. It began with Sam asking my mom \"Why are you opening dad's mail?\" They're divorced and live separately. It ended up with my mom putting Sam in a choke hold, me pulling her off of him, and him having to ride his bike 10 miles to my dad's house. That day my mom yelled bloody murder at me. She hit me. To be honest, I can't fully remember everything she said. My mind blocks it out. But what I do remember is basically being told that I was worthless, I was wrong, and I didn't do anything right. It got to the point where she was yelling at me, then her stupid boyfriend was yelling at me, and I was just crying. I ended up going into the bathroom and cutting myself. I rarely cut myself. Last summer was the last time I did. She drives me to it. Last summer every day I was crying as she spit out words of abuse. She'll scream at me, calling me a whore, a bitch, anything she can think of. I can't explain it really, but it just gets to the point where I'm so miserable, my insides hurt. My feelings I guess hurt so badly that cutting is like relief. It hurts less than the hurt inside. \n\nThe next day I had to go work, I work in a garden and it is the most terrible job. It's so hot, I'm so little and I have asthma. I over heat and it's a really hard job for me. I come home and my dad has dropped Sam back at home. Sam is just sitting on the front porch because my mother won't let him come inside. I just sit on the porch with my brother because I feel bad. He's my brother, I love him, and I'm not going to ostracize her like my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. So I sit with him. Later I go inside and I'm eating cake. I try to bring some out to my brother and my mom flips out. She and her boyfriend yell at me that I'm \"undermining her authority\" and other crazy shit. She tells me she's so \"sick of me\" and she can't handle me \"bullying\" her. She makes me pack my things, takes away my phone and car keys, and drives me and Sam to my dads. \n\nNow my dad lives in a shitty house. He has a couple other really ghetto roommates. The house is falling apart and filthy. He has some financial issues and he goes without eating good meals quite often. Most weekends we can't visit him because he can't afford it. So we go over there and his shower and toilet aren't working and he has no food. So he drives us back over and tells my mom he really just cannot take us. My mom is pissed that we're back and she makes us sleep outside. Is that legal?? She fucking made me and Sam sleep outside on the fucking grass. Now my dad would've driven right back and taken us if he knew, but my brother and I didn't tell him until the next day because he needed sleep to go to work. He works at 5 AM and it was 1 AM when he dropped us back off. He drives a truck all day and if he had been too tired he could fall asleep at the wheel or he'd have had to call in sick. He can't afford to miss work... my mom already lost her job he can't afford to lose his. \n\nIn the morning when we woke up we tried going inside but my mom wouldn't let us. So I changed my clothes in the front yard because I just didn't fucking care at that point and walked a few blocks and had my friend pick me up. She's a damn saint. By the way, my mom turned my brother's phone off and she had taken mine so we couldn't contact her. We didn't tell her anything, just left, and spend the night at my friend's. The next day we went home and she finally let us in after a long talk with my dad. But she went to the police. She told them a twisted story about how my brother and I \"bully\" my mom and she just couldn't handle us anymore and it ended up with the cop agreeing that it was legal for her to leave us outside. He told her to call them next time and they would pick us up and put us into foster care if she couldn't handle us. The whole time her stupid boyfriend is defending her and telling her to call the cops on us and whatnot.\n\nNow this is so frustrating. I can't even describe it fully. Because I am NOT a bad kid. I get good grades, I take all the extra curricular classes that are offered, I'm president of my school, I drive my brothers everywhere, I do all the grocery shopping. Since I began driving I've taken over the role of mother. By the time I was 6 my mom stopped giving a shit. Our house was filthy. There was so much shit in out house that you couldn't walk around. The floors were grimy and matted with spilled food and drink. The table and sink overflowed with dishes full of rotting food and maggots. She never cooked us dinner. Since I was six I've been eating whatever I can find around the house and when I got old enough I cleaned the house so that it wasn't a dump anymore. Now my mom has a routine of go to work, come home, grab a beer, head straight to her bedroom, sleep. She doesn't come out to talk to us, she never cooks dinner, or helps with dishes, or helps us with homework. Before I could drive there was never food in the house and when we needed something from the store we would wait weeks to get it because she never wanted to go. Essentially I am my brother's mom. You guys might not agree, but I do everything for them. When they're sick I care for them, I help them with homework, I buy their friend's birthday gifts and take them to the parties. I cook food, I wash dishes, I help them with school projects, I talk to their teacher's when the parent's are supposed to. And I really don't mind. I know that my mom isn't going to do it and I'm mature enough to know it needs to get done. So I don't ask questions, I just make sure everything is running. I'm constantly stressed with my home life and on top of that I'm extremely involved with school and so I'm always always stressed. Driving has been such a blessing because I can go out and buy myself clothes and food when I/my family needs it. She won't even buy me clothes. Everything I have I buy for myself. She will go out and spend hundreds on clothes for herself but when I ask for jeans or a coat she tells me \"No, you'll just grow out of it.\" Mind you, I'm 5'2\" and I stopped growing quite a while ago. \n\nSo please. Imagine how frustrating it is when I practically run our household and then I'm berated constantly. I do everything I possibly can and yet I'm told that I'm a bitch, a whore, a liar, lazy, that I never listen, I'm irresponsible, I'm good for nothing. \n\nLately, I just feel empty inside. I want to leave. I want to jump on a train and never look back. My mother drives me to this. She is the reason I cut myself, she's the one who makes me hate living. I feel helpless and unloved and I hate everything about my life living with her. She makes me feel crazy. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know your mom has no problem calling CPS to take you away? It hurts so badly that the one person who is supposed to love you, your own mother, doesn't really care about you. \n\nI don't know what I expect from posting this. I guess I just want to know if you've experienced something similar and what your advice is. I just need to let this out. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "I would inform your school counselor (if you have one) or Vice Principal. Additionally, encourage your brother to do likewise. This is abuse and needs to be addressed.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1jno8w", "comment_id": "cbgugfp"}, {"question": "Do you know a non-spiritual self-acceptance book?", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI am looking for a book on the subject of self acceptance, but they all seem to target woman or spiritual people. I am looking for an logical, honest, straight forward autor.\n\nI dont like spirituality, mindfulness, buddhiism. I just want to understand the logic behind self-acceptance. My therapist says I'm too hard on myself and I want to learn to accept myself, without having to read stuff like \"look deep inside your heart to discover your true spiritual self\" etc etc.\n\nThank you very much for your time,\n\nMaxime.", "answer": "Nathaniel Branden has some great stuff. I recommend the Six Pillars of Self Esteem.", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "6sn700", "comment_id": "dle0cub"}, {"question": "can a blood donation affect blood tests?", "description": "Age: 18 Height: 5 foot 10.5 inches Sex: M Weight: 70kg Race: White Past/Current Medical issues: Underactive Thyroid(just got told this on the phone today about 10 minutes ago), ADHD\n\nSo I donated blood a couple of weeks ago and 1.5 weeks following that I had a blood test.\n\nThe test came back and apparently I have an underactive thyroid. I forgot to tell the doctors that I had donated blood during the test and was wondering if this could be a false positive because of this. \n\nI do have a fast metabolism and I take supplements every morning ( not that I need to) so I should get enough vitamins etc. If someone could also explain why it shouldn't make any difference or why it does that would be great.", "answer": "Blood donation does not make a significant difference to thyroid function, especially days following the test. You replace lost blood much quicker than that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ae67na", "comment_id": "edmpcjo"}, {"question": "Am I wasting my time?", "description": "So. This post is going to sound rather childish but I wanted unbiased opinions. I have been seeing this guy - who was (not so much anymore) known as a fuckboy (I hate that word) - for about 2 years now. On three occasions he has said the words \u2018I love you\u2019, though on all three he has been drunk, albeit not paralytic or anything. I\u2019ve never said it back because I don\u2019t want to make myself vulnerable and disclose all my feelings. After 2 years we are not official despite him saying he only wants to be with me. Should I cut it off? Or should I tell him that I love him? Which I do but I don\u2019t know how seriously to take him seeing as he hasn\u2019t shown a serious interest in committing. ", "answer": "You can't commit to something that doesn't exist yet. Tell him how you feel and what you want. If he's on the same page, it's a go.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73bryg", "comment_id": "dnp6cwf"}, {"question": "What are some ways to help undo trauma from past emotionally abusive experiences?", "description": "To expand: My first boyfriend/best friend was extremely toxic and emotionally abusive. After we broke up, he would come in and out of my life on his own accords and this went on until last August. This happened since 2015. He finally ended up ghosting me, but the whole time knowing him he was toxic to my mental health. He'd call the shots on when we'd hang out, call on the phone, text, etc. If I got upset with him, it was always irrational according to him. But if he was upset with me, it was justified. He led me on for MONTHS after our break up, saying we'd end up together, but started dating someone else instead. He used me for emotional support, and when he found that support elsewhere, he erased me. I was in therapy last year and went into this but we didn't really dive too deep into it. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist.\n\nI was dating someone else throughout last year, and it wasn't much better. I found out he cheated on me but didn't bring it up. He ignored me two weeks straight because I didn't do something he wanted. He refused to meet my parents. I asked him 10 months into dating him if he was in love with me, he said he didn't know. I eventually broke up with him at the end of 2018 because I was too emotionally stressed and I was tired of giving more than him.\n\nSo that brings us to today: I'm seeing someone and it's rough. My mind has a hard time believing he likes me even after he states he does. I feel like he's upset with me if he replies bluntly (he's just a blunt person). I feel like I annoy him. I'm scared he's going to just stop liking me all of a sudden. He said there will be a second date, but my brain tells me he's gonna walk out before that.\n\nThis has to be because I've suffered through my past relationships so I have a hard time here. Is there any efficient ways to turn this thought process around on my own since I have not found a therapist yet?", "answer": "In a future relationship: engage in honest communication about your feelings to counteract assumptions that happen when you are triggered \n\nWith your thoughts: challenge anything that seems absolute or black and white or involves assuming what the other person thinks or feels. Catch yourself if you are doing the \u201che hates me, I\u2019ll never be normal, I always get walked all over, etc\u201d\n\nGood luck, finding a therapist will hopefully bring you healing! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b16mz1", "comment_id": "eijnwky"}, {"question": "Intermittent fasting for PCOS weight loss", "description": "For 3 years, I had been trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained without any obvious reason why. Exercising 2 hours/day + cutting calories wasn't working...changing my macros around, switching to a paleo diet, eating low carb high protein wasn't working...even keto didn't do anything. I only gained an additional 10 lbs, began losing my hair, and lost my cycle for the first time. And I am the epitome of an A+ dieter...no cheats, EVER. Then, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Cysts, no ovulation, and extremely high testosterone (212!). Then, I was diagnosed with \"low t3 syndrome,\" an uncommon version of hypothyroid that doesn't show up on that standard thyroid panel. (luckily, i did my own due diligence and brought my research to the doc, demanding the right tests). Anyway, I got put on armour thyroid, and even that did not make my weight budge, nor had the metformin I'd been on at that point for almost 6 months. As of yesterday, I'm back to my original weight of 130 lbs! Wanna know how?? Intermittent fasting!! (and ketogenic macros) In roughly 3 months, I've lost nearly 30 lbs...effortlessly. I eat 300-400 more calories than I was eating doing calorie restriction/keto (high FAT, NOT high protein, btw) alone, and as I continue to gradually increase, I'm still losing. I exercise 3 days a week, ALL weight training, an hour/day tops....which is far from what I was doing up until 4 months ago (a combo of zumba and high intensity interval training on the Arc Trainer elliptical 6-7 days/week, 1.5-2 hours/day). Insulin has been the culprit all along, as many of you probably already know. Intermittent fasting lowers insulin enough to where my body can actually utilize stored body fat. Amazing! Feel free to ask questions if you're interested.", "answer": "Hmm. I've read that intermittent fasting, while it might lower levels of circulating insulin simply because you aren't eating as often, actually worsens insulin resistance, which is one of the key underlying etiologies of PCOS. This is the same reason for why you cannot fast before an oral glucose challenge test (it may falsely show that you have insulin resistance if you do fast before the test).... so I would be careful about the sustainability of doing this long-term and the potential of further exacerbating your PCOS symptoms in the long run. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "48xkmf", "comment_id": "d0os8b7"}, {"question": "Insomnia and ADHD", "description": "Hi all, recently I've noticed that I watch a ton of videos and stay up late instead of going to sleep. I'm always tired at night but just can't seem to fall sleep because of thoughts. This is new for me, and I used to cope with it by listening to music or asmr as I was going to sleep. I don't want to do this because it requires me to have equipment with me when I sleep vs a simple fan.\nHow do you deal with Insomnia? \nEdit: tonight my worry is that a girl I've been talking to on a dating website hasn't replied back but read my message and I'm worried she lost interest. Naturally I keep trying to take my mind off it but it's all I can think about.", "answer": "Besides insomnia, look into Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It\u2019s highly correlated with ADHD and has been genetically linked with it. \n\nSimply put, one\u2019s Circadian rhythm is different than average, usually longer. Instead of getting tired around 10 or 11PM you might get tired at 2 or 3AM and then you wake up later in the morning. \n\nIf I don\u2019t take medication, I usually get tired around 2AM and wake up around 11AM. That obviously doesn\u2019t work well for your average job. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6sn2", "comment_id": "ds09i5m"}, {"question": "What's wrong with me?", "description": "So I've been doing some introspection for a while now and notice I fit several different criteria.\n\nI was reading about mental health and my symptoms and I found one that eerily relates to what I feel, and it was under \"schizophrenia\" on the forum. Here it is (Minus the medication part)\n\n\"Does anyone have troubles with paranoia even with their antipsychotic meds? I guess i have a low grade paranoia but it makes for such distress in life. I think people doing things to confuse me all the time. I spend all my time trying to figure out what things mean. Constantly asking myself, is this real or my imagination playing a trick on me? and can't trust anyone, the girl at the bank trying to cheat me, my friends deliberately muffling messages, don't trust the seals on envelopes. Does this sound like a need for increase of my zyprexa? or is this low grade paranoia something we all have to live with? i appreciate your opinions. thank you.\"\n \nI frequently findmyself obsessing over everything. My current phobia is pretty much me being so paranoid and afraid of getting introuble with the law that I begin to think every car around me is a cop. I also think that whenever I do party a little bit, that people are out to set me up/ entrap me. (I think this stems from being afraid of not getting a good job if I get something nasty on my criminal history, and I can't stop obsessing over it). It's getting out of hand, and the first description fits me pretty well as well. I am constantly thinking people are judging whenever there are people chatting and I hear just a few words I automatically link it to my life and get really uncomfortable and paranoid to the point where I can convince myself that they are talking about me. I am probably just being insecure, but I always have intrusive thoughts like this. I also have thoughts when I'm in the store or at someones house, that people are trying to catch me stealing? I have no intentions to steal, I don't have enough balls to do that. \n\nI'm not sure what to do about this, I genuinely hope I am NOT schizophrenic. All of this stems from being insecure though and afraid of conflict regarding these taboo subjects, so my mind is always thinking of a defence mechanism for each little stupid scenerio that could possibly happen.\n\nWhat is wrong with me?", "answer": "You're not psychotic - you have too much insight. Anxiety, though, is through the roof.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5kfc1s", "comment_id": "dbnis6n"}, {"question": "Combination of paracetamol and anti hypertensives", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am male, 32 years. I am on bisoprolol and perindopril. Can I safely use paracetamol for high fever?", "answer": "Yes, although depending on how high the fever and what other symptoms you have you may want to seek medical attention.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ef5wjc", "comment_id": "fbyiji7"}, {"question": "Very sensitive to death scenes in movies", "description": "No idea if I should be posting this here or what so please let me know if I should delete and post somehwere else.\n\nAs i've gotten older (34M), i've become more and more sensitive to death in tv and movies. Especially violent ones. I become super empathetic and find myself horrified with the experience, often in tears.\n\nI've never served in the army, I have a pretty boring life. I have developed a fear of having a violent death. Not sure where to go with this. Looking for advice. ", "answer": "Nothing wrong with that. Might want to change your viewing habits. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6fns1w", "comment_id": "dijkspi"}, {"question": "Subclinical Hypothyroidism - 5.24 - should levothyroxine be prescribed/taken?", "description": "TSH level - 5.24\n\nGP prescribed levothyroxine (0.025mg).\n\nExperienced sinus infection and took antibiotics, after had fatigue. Did bloodwork and iron was very low - so taking FeraMax 150 daily.\n\nDo not have typical symptoms of hypothyroidism - no sentisivity to cold (actually experiencing sensitivity to heat), no weight gain,etc. But GP said to take levothyroxine due to fatigue (which could be caused by the low iron). (Another DR at clinic said he would not have prescribed levothyroxine since the TSH result could be a \u201cblip\u201d.)\n\nAfter taking levothyroxine for about 40 days, there is no improvement with fatigue (still off and on). Will speak to GP again in a week (on break) but she said to wait for an appointment with a specialist (in Aug.) to decide whether to continue taking levothyroxine.\n\nThis is confusing. Should levothyroxine have been prescribed? And can medication be stopped after 40 days to check to see whether the elevated TSH reading was in fact, a blip?\n\nAny feedback would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Unless thyroid hormone levels (usually free T4, sometimes free T3) were checked and low, a slightly elevated TSH is not hypothyroidism and there's no reason to treat it. There's probably no harm in a very low dose of levothyroxine either, but it's not going to fix fatigue that isn't caused by hypothyroidism in the first place.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy1kqp", "comment_id": "ft8kv5n"}, {"question": "Serious Blue Balls", "description": "My girlfriend of 5 years and I are having a fight right now, and I need help. \n\nAbout 6 times now within the past couple months, we've gotten frisky at my apartment. It gets about as far as a handjob before she randomly calls it quits and decides she wants to go home instead. \n\nI tried talking to her about it, I've tried telling her how uncomfortable it makes me, and we've had these talks repeatedly. \n\nJust today, she did it again and we started fighting. I was only disappointed at first and told her she could go home if she wanted, but then she got pissed at me for not being perfectly happy about the situation? She then went on to blame me for the entire thing, saying that I shouldn't have engaged in the foreplay with her then. \n\nWhat should I do? I'm frustrated at being blueballed repeatedly, annoyed at being blamed for it, and admittedly a bit pissed that she ignores every talk we have discussing this problem. Do I have any options here?", "answer": "talk about your expectations of what sex should be; if you can't get on the same page, you're not compatible", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3re3", "comment_id": "ddz4d4v"}, {"question": "Therapy isn't working. ", "description": "Seem to be spending a lot of time in this subreddit lately. Possibly not a good thing. Anyway, as you may have guessed, therapy isn't working. I spent years pretending to be perfectly fine, doing everything I could to distract everyone else and myself from what was happening inside my head. Did a pretty good job, too, honestly. Then I ended up in Italy and barely able to leave my room I was so down and the frustration at not being able to enjoy my time abroad finally won out over my all-encompassing need for self-reliance. \n\nThat was about six months ago. Now I am back in the States and still in therapy and on medication and completely suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I know what it would do to my family and I feel so selfish when I think about that. But it's all I can think about. I'm pretty much a shut-in right now; I watch TV, I browse reddit, sometimes (gasp!) I go to the grocery store. I know staying in all the time is making it worse, giving me more time to think about how much I hate myself. I could volunteer somewhere, I could go running, I could do something. But thinking about voluntarily interacting with other people is physically painful. Basically, I hate myself too much to hold a conversation. The effort required to be polite to cashiers and bus drivers is monumental. \n\nMy therapist's advice, when I tell her I'm suicidal? Try not to think about it. Just try to do something. Just try. And it makes me want to scream, like what the fuck was I doing all those years I wasn't in therapy? I'm sick of fucking trying; it never got me anything but sleeplessness and social anxiety. \n\nSo... I don't know what the point of this is. I know you're all going through your own shit. But I'm reaching the end of the proverbial rope, here. ", "answer": "Get another therapist. If you're thinking about offing yourself- go to a hospital", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "vnwyw", "comment_id": "c56in4u"}, {"question": "Need some support right now", "description": "Hey guys just needing some guidance right now. I'm one year clean from opiates/benzo's and very proud of myself for that. Lately the past month though I've been having some crazy Xanax cravings. I've always been an anxious guy my whole life and actually had a script for Xanax awhile back. I have no connections anymore so it's not possible for me to score any as of now but I just constantly think about them. I would kill to take 2 mg and slip into oblivion for awhile and just feel free of anxiety. It's driving me nuts though. I know I cannot slip up since it's pretty much impossible but it's seriously taking a toll on my mental stability. I just recently found this subreddit and thought I'd post and see if I can get any responses. Thanks for listening guys! ", "answer": "Did you recently celebrate 1 year? I often get itchy around milestones, once I realized that was why and that it would pass it made it much easier to deal with.\n\nWhat do you enjoy doing in sobriety? Any activities that can distract you until this feeling passes? Got any meetings to go to or supportive friends to hang out with?", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "4pupis", "comment_id": "d4o0gnq"}, {"question": "Stomach discomfort after drinking alcohol?", "description": "Hey all, I'm female in her early 20s, around 100 lbs. This has been a question that's been on my mind for a while, and it's happening again right now so I thought it'd be a good time to ask. \n\nWhenever I drink, I'll start feeling some discomfort in my stomach. It feels a bit tight? I haven't been able to really measure the amount of alcohol that I have to ingest for this to start happening, but it doesn't take much. I've seen similar posts regarding this but they've all mentioned pain, so I thought I should emphasize that there's NO pain involved. It's just an all-around uncomfortable feeling that I can't really ignore. This started ~1 year ago, so it hasn't always been like this. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Does it feel like indigestion or heartburn, or different from that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6r5wsr", "comment_id": "dl2m3d5"}, {"question": "Anxiety attacks brought on by sound? 28, F, 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue, no current medical problems or medications", "description": "I know this sounds crazy but for the longest time I have always had an issue with sounds. For example, I cannot stand the sound of another person eating near me. It makes me feel like I\u2019m going to explode inside and I get really irritable. It\u2019s affecting my home life but it\u2019s uncontrollable. The same thing happens when I hear pencils writing on paper. Also when there is too much noise in one place (tv on, music in background, kids on phone..all at one time) I have full blown anxiety attacks and have to leave. Is something wrong with me? I feel like I should just be able to stop myself from getting so irritated but it\u2019s like instant and uncontrollable irritation as soon as I\u2019m in any of these situations. \n\nI am a healthy 28yo F with no medical issues. 5\u20194, 110lbs, ongoing issue for as long as I can remember but seems to be getting worse.", "answer": "You're not alone, and this happens enough that there's a term for it, misophonia, although it's not a standardized diagnosis. There's also little clear guidance on what to do about it. It's possible that therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help you manage the overwhelming reaction, but nobody really knows.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cwkjbr", "comment_id": "eyceb0q"}, {"question": "Could my therapist refer me elsewhere if I tell him about my transference?", "description": "I'm really ashamed, and uncertain about my feelings towards my therapist. Lately, since I began seeing him, I've made some good progress. But I also get this bad feeling in my gut, like the butterflies in my stomach before I see him. At first I thought it was just anxiety, but lately I've been thinking I may have some romantic/inappropriate feelings towards him. That of which I'm obviously not comfortable with, nor do I even want to address.\n\nHowever, I've been reading that it's completely normal and common in patients to experience transference. Even if this is true, I'm still embarrassed, and I'm actually afraid if I tell him, he may be uncomfortable, or feel it's better that I find another therapist so that this doesn't get in the way of the professional nature of the therapy. Overall my question is, can he refer me to someone else if I tell him this and he doesn't take it well? If so, then I'm contemplating not telling him at all, because I don't want to risk losing the progress I'm making, yet at the same time I feel inclined to tell him because they're somewhat intrusive thoughts and gnawing at my mind.\n\nI know I'm not in love with him, but I just feel guilty for even thinking about him in that way, and like I should just keep it to myself. Can someone please help throw in their 2 cents?\n\nEdited: for wrong there/their.", "answer": "Do you think you can work through it until it passes? Do some work on your own to sort of talk yourself down? \n\nIt can be common if the therapist is of the gender you\u2019re normally attracted to. I suppose it can still be a different kind of attachment when they are a gender you\u2019re not attracted to romantically and may manifest more as seeing them like a parent, sibling, or close friend. While we don\u2019t worry as much when it\u2019s a feeling like the latter, we do when it feels like romantic feelings. \n\nAn idea might be to journal or think on what it is that is the attraction. Is it because they are kind, empathetic, genuine, supportive etc? Those are all the things we want in a SO right? They are good qualities! If the T is attractive then even more so may we find ourselves attracted in this romantic way....finally a good quality human who does all the things we could hope for. They listen, they support, they care. Sometimes the knowing we can\u2019t have them can intensify this (the old wanting what we can\u2019t have). Try to remind yourself they are human and have flaws you don\u2019t know about. Maybe they are really messy and leave their underwear all over the house, maybe they get really grumpy when they don\u2019t have their way, or maybe they survive off chocolate milk and Cheetos that they eat while sitting in their briefs watching some awful show that you would never watch in a million years lol idk just coming up with random things. Point being maybe thinking of qualities they are missing that you would want in a SO or make up your own not so attractive qualities they might have that would be a turn off (yet not lead you to lose all respect for them as a therapist lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epciq6", "comment_id": "feiv06g"}, {"question": "Can medication make you gain weight, or stop losing weight (staying same weight despite undereating) for reasons other than increasing appetite?", "description": "Edited to add: I know I have an eating disorder and that this is dangerous. I\u2019ve lost a lot of weight quickly, but I\u2019m still overweight. I am seeking help from a whole team (psychiatrist, counsellor, my gp, and I have to see a dietician) of people, but it\u2019s early days. My post is basically about why I would have a stall in weight loss when still eating a lot less than I burn. How does that work? Why does it happen and what\u2019s the science? Isn\u2019t just calories in vs calories out? \n\nFemale/in my 20s/100kg/178cm/white \n\nMeds:\n- escitalopram 20mg for a few months\n\n- recently in last 2 weeks started Neaulactil (periciazine) 2.5mg twice a day after less than a week of mirtzapine (came off due to worry about weight gain. Psychiatrist said periciazine is not known for weight gain...but now I\u2019m not sure). \n\nAll newer meds happened within last 2 weeks since I started getting further help for anxiety and help for my recently diagnosed eating disorder. \n\nMedical; \n\nDiabetes type 2/hypertension now managed with lifestyle\n\nDepression/anxiety\n\nAtypical anorexia nervosa (lost over 100lbs since August through restriction. Recently started purging too - don\u2019t know if relevant). \n\nI\u2019m on new meds and my weight has stayed the same for 2.5 weeks, fluctuating the same kg. \n\nI\u2019ve had a few days of eating more than usual, but still never over my BMR and I\u2019ve only eaten over 1200 once, which is very unusual for me. My limit is 399 calories a day, but I\u2019ve probably averaged 700 a day last few weeks, which is a lot for me. But I have been exercising it off. \n\nWhy has my weight stopped coming off? It\u2019s happened before, but it felt different and it started losing again after like 1.5 weeks, and it didn\u2019t fluctuate this much. \n\nI\u2019ve never had water weight cause this. Logically it must mean I\u2019m eating at my BMR right? But I\u2019m not. I obsessively track everything I eat. The meds have caused an appetite increase I think, and I\u2019ve had days I\u2019ve eaten more than usual, but still under 1200 except for 1 day. And that\u2019s just a few days out of the last 2 weeks. And I exercise and track calories burned, with leeway as I know fitbits aren\u2019t super Accurate. \n\nI know of starvation mode and all that Jazz...could that be what\u2019s finally happening? \n\nI\u2019m freaking out, if it\u2019s not obvious. I do see a psychiatrist (just started seeing them after doctor was concerned) and already see a psychologist who knows all my eating stuff, and I\u2019ll talk to them this week. But now I\u2019m not losing weight I\u2019m paranoid everyone will think I\u2019m faking the eating disorder and eating more than I\u2019ve said. I didn\u2019t even want the help that much, my doctor wanted me too. But now they\u2019ll think I\u2019m a liar. \n\nanyway, Any potential reasons for this? Obviously it\u2019s coincided with the new meds, so im guessing they\u2019re the culprit. But why? And how? \n\nI\u2019ve considered water weight and starvation mode, in just not convinced of either. But advice appreciated.", "answer": "Obviously discussing this with your caregivers is the best advice I can give.It seems to me your anxiety is the real enemy here, not your weight.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7yyuo", "comment_id": "fihhvi1"}, {"question": "My live-in boyfriend [29/m] and I [26/f] are currently on a break.", "description": "Be warned, this is my first time ever on reddit. I'll give a baby summary of whats going on and some points so it's not a big ass story. \n\nWe've been together 8 years and I never thought this would happen.\nIt literally came out of nowhere. We just got back from a really nice trip and we're making plans for the next ones. \n\nUltimately it was his insecurities that prompted me to bring up the idea of a break.It just seemed to play out so fast. We started the conversation in our house together on Friday and I'm already sleeping at my parents house Sunday.\n \n- I'm his only partner, ever. He's curious but swears he'd never cheat (I believe him wholeheartedly on this). \n\n- We've never really had a chance to be individuals or independent. \n\n- We have sex almost everyday and it's amazing about 93% of the time, the other 7% is good. No complaints in that department.\n\n- We get along amazingly. No massive fights, we have a lot of fun, we go on adventures. I thought we were both happy.\n\n- I am dependent on him in a lot of ways, but he is to me as well. I cook, I clean, I do everything around the house. I feel like his mother... he feels like that too. But he makes the money, I make peanuts compared to him. \n\n- He may not want babies or marriage and I've always wanted both. However this last year \n\n- He can't see the future for us, or even himself. He feels so lost he doesn't even know what he wants in life. I see our future but not really goals for myself. \n\n- We're trying to find \"ourselves\" this week. I think he wants more than a week to figure his stuff out but we live together so I don't know how we could manage that. \n\n- We still love each other, and care about each other. A lot. \n\nHas anyone gone through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. I need some stories!\n", "answer": "ground rules. one month tops. no dating. make a contact schedule in the meantime.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k034", "comment_id": "dgzfo9f"}, {"question": "Can I see the same therapist as a close friend?", "description": "My friend Sara has been seeing her therapist, Caty, for a year now. If you look at my last post, my friend Sara was statutorily raped by her step brother, Landon, and I was the one who reached out and told Sara's mother on her behalf. \n\nOnce it was out in the open, she told her therapist about it and her therapist reported it. \n\nNow, i'm having a hard time dealing with things because Landon's family is blaming me for reporting it, when I didn't. I simply told Sara's mother, because she ASKED me to. Caty, the therapist, is the one who reported it.\n\nTo start over with a new therapist who doesn't know all of this information would take multiple sessions. But Caty knows all the parts of this story, she is involved. Am I allowed to schedule a session with her and talk about these things?", "answer": "Allowed? Yes. Sara's therapist may not want to schedule this appointment (as mentioned in another comment). However, I think considering this context it may make a lot of sense if she did.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blus32", "comment_id": "emrkx16"}, {"question": "Why do I have trouble socializing for long periods of time?", "description": "I dunno, after awhile lately I just kinda seem to tap out. Like recently at a friends party I was originally gonna spend the night (which was never a problem before) but like I almost wanted to cry because I needed to leave it was so bad.\nToday I hosted a Christmas party and it happened again. The party was only from 5pm-10pm but still, around 8, I started to tap out and I just wasn\u2019t feeling it anymore, and by 9:30-ish I just kept hoping everyone would just leave. \nI wasn\u2019t having a bad time either of these occasions, I just stopped being able to handle it after awhile. I\u2019m not sure why this has been happening... I\u2019ve noticed it at a lot of family get togethers, too. This is all new, I\u2019ve never had this problem before...\n", "answer": "Could indeed have multiple reasons, but I get the sense that people who feel this really intensely tend to not \"just be introverted\", but actually suffer from self-image / esteem issues, where they are constantly making an effort to figure out how to behave in that situation or with certain people, instead of just being themselves as they are in that moment. Of course, this is very tiring, and makes you feel like tapping out after a while.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7kcoto", "comment_id": "dregu7f"}, {"question": "Asking people for help finding a job. ", "description": "Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Is there a Career Skills subreddit? Anyway, it's social enough. \n\nTwo years I had a college internship with a company. I am facebook friends with some of my co-workers, but I haven't kept in touch aside from generic \"Happy Birthday\" posts and the occasional like. \n\nI don't know how to approach my friends looking for work. I've hardly talked to them in a long time. I know they'd remember me, but I feel weird just being \"Hey, now that I'm done with college, can I have a job?\"\n\nCompany background: It was one of many owned by a larger family of companies. Anyway, the business I worked for shut down, but many of my former co-workers are at a sister company owned by the same larger group, while some are at other businesses in the same industry. \n\n", "answer": "You might want to add in a friendly overture in addition to asking for a job. Ie \"Blah blah blah can you help me get a job? Regardless, would you be up for getting lunch sometime?\" That way your job request seems more friendly, and as a bonus if you do end up working there you've made a friend :)\n\nOf course, only do this if you actually want to spend time with the person socially. If you hate the thought of hanging out with them, they'll probably sense your insincerity and that will torpedo your chances of them recommending you for a job.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "v8q9g", "comment_id": "c52gyec"}, {"question": "\"Going to rehab is a total admittance of failure.\"", "description": "Two days ago I recieved the results of my latest blood test.\r\rI had my 19th Birthday on May 13th.\r\r\rThe results of my blood tests have shown that my liver is going into failure.\rI drink (on average) 600ml of vodka everyday (I also \"overdose\" on codeine-based painkillers, smoke cannabis daily, and induce vomiting at least once on a daily basis.\r\rTonight I was talking to my boyfriend about he prospect of me going into rehab for a few weeks. I'm 19 years of age, and I know that I have so much potential, but my SO thinks that going to rehab is confirmation that I am, in fact, a failure.\r\rWhat do I do?", "answer": "That's one way to frame it. There is another way to frame it and its your choice to decide which perspective will serve you better. In today's paper it was reported that researchers have found a group of 11 genes that predict risk of alcoholism. Apparently its now proven that there is a inherited component for alcoholism. Instead of saying you are a failure you can say that you've been dealt a bad hand and now its time to play that hand as best you can. Getting medical help for a medical condition makes sense. You could say that diabetics are failures as organisms too, but does saying that help them lead comfortable lives? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2664or", "comment_id": "choar5v"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [25M] is unsure of his feelings", "description": "Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Everything was great, he said he loves me but one thing bothers me. He is a distant person, he told me many times. He's not showing me affection. Yesterday we talked and i told him that it bothers me. Suddenly he started to question everything. He said maybe he doesn't know what love means and that's why he is so cold. That maybe he doesn't love me if i have to remind him about my needs. He also said that he was hurt in the past but talking about it is not an option. He wants me to give him time to think about it but to be honest it hurts to much. I love him very much but dont know if i can wait. I feel like every i love you was a lie and i dont know how to handle this. He calls me and asks how i'm feeling but when i try to talk about the issue he says he feels pressured and trapped. Also he thinks i'm over reacting, but when i asked him of he wants to break up he gets mad and doesn't want to talk.\n\n**tl;dr** i don't know what to do", "answer": "after eight months, he should know. this doesn't bode well for a future i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bi5d3", "comment_id": "dhmsgqi"}, {"question": "I'm [26/m] with my girlfriend [23/f] disagreeing on some part of a relationships", "description": "My girlfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye on a relationship. My girlfriend think that in a relationship it should be always us and when an individual think about wanting to do something, he/she should include us.\n\nMeanwhile, sometimes, I might want to do something with the guys or travel on my own without my girlfriend. I don't see it selfish, but for me it doesn't have to be us 24/7.\n\nAm I seeing it wrong here or do I have a point?", "answer": "most couples have a balance between time together and time apart", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64wiwz", "comment_id": "dg5ng5e"}, {"question": "Reddit, how do I meet my future husband in 2017?", "description": "Hello! 22 year old lady, I'll be 23 this Saturday!! \n\nThroughout my short life, I have called off my wedding due to the discovery of cheating and I just ended my last relationship because, again, of cheating. \n\nIt seems nearly impossible to find \"the one\" this day in age. Let me make it clear that I believe you can have an amazing relationship with more than one person, not just \"one.\" \n\nI have tried free online dating and either got catfished or wasn't interested in the other people. I think it's crazy to waste hard earned dollars for a chance of finding love, eharmony can't guarantee that. Besides, I just got my Bachelor's. The student loans are going to drain me. \n\nMy friends and family don't seem to know anyone they could introduce to me, which seems crazy since that is how people met back in the day. \n\nI'm really not that hard to get along with! I prefer pajamas and video games over fancy restaurants any day. I prefer getting flower seeds over real flowers. \n\nI'm also 5'2 and a natural redhead. I can't be that intimidating! \n\nSo, how can I meet my future husband in 2017? :) ", "answer": "Have conversations with as many men as you possibly can....dating sites, social/recreational activities, etc.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67m1we", "comment_id": "dgrpbe9"}, {"question": "Need advice- toxic relationship, or over analysing?", "description": "I've [27F] been with my parter [27M] since 20yo, and was very damaged and insecure at 20. I'm now much more confident and starting to see some elements in him that concern me. Am I being overly picky? We've talked openly about how he knows he scores highly on the 'dark triad', has high capacity for manipulation, but he tries to lead a moral life. He usually does, more than others I know, much to his credit. But he's said that if he was with a weaker woman,he would just get bored and manipulate her, making her feel that she was never good enough despite her doing everything for him. When he is really tired, he looks to upset me- not hugely, because I'll get irritated enough to have a fight (he hates conflict outright) by enough to know I'm hurt. He is also not genuinely happy (I feel) when I achieve something. My career is challenging, while he's stagnated. He's going to university this year, and wants to beat all my high marks 'so I will be proud of him', but that feels 'off' to me. Hes also quite critical at times, to the point where I feel he thinks I can't do anything right. He's suffering from depression, and getting help now, but I've had this uneasy fear for a while now. Usually he's lovely, caring, shares housework, is supportive of my career, but these dark spots worry me because what will he be like if I can no longer leave easily? Ie pregnant/have kids etc. I guess since it's my first/only long term relationship, I don't have any perspective. Please be gentle, it's my first post, fake account. ", "answer": "sounds like he's bogged down within himself. he should see a therapist, and when his depression subsides, re-evaluate. 'dark triad' is something a professional should diagnose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v44t6", "comment_id": "ddz40zs"}, {"question": "[59/f] behind confused about my ex boyfriend [64/m] and how to be free of him", "description": " I broke up with bf a month ago. We've broken up a few times before over what I believe were lies about his finances. He has very little assets and is finding a new job after losing a job a month ago. Either way he won't be making much. I have saved a fair amount from working all my life and have a nice home. He kept on reaching out to me to reconcile and tells me he wants to marry as soon as he gets a job. I still care for him but scared to death I'll need to support him and I already have 2 kids I'm supporting (I'm a widow). He thinks I should be telling my family we are back together even though we really aren't other than his insistence for me to meet him for coffee 1 or 2 times per week. He wants to know my whereabouts all the time and thinks I should wait for him to become employed again. Should I run in the other direction? If I don't will I regret it?", "answer": "Lies about finances are a bad sign. You have to decide if you love him enough to carry the financial load the rest of your life. At our age, anything can happen, and usually does......so he could get a great job but get sick. Or you could. You never know. That's why i would base it on the quality of the relationship and his overall decency and integrity as a human being.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqcxb", "comment_id": "dj8ew1u"}, {"question": "Why in the world is the company Better Help sharing your Online Therapy Data With Facebook?", "description": "I just finished reading this article, \"[The Spooky, Loosely Regulated World of Online Therapy](https://jezebel.com/the-spooky-loosely-regulated-world-of-online-therapy-1841791137)\" on Jezebel. Turns out Better Help shares all kinds of personal data including data on your therapy sessions with companies like Facebook. When asked they brushed it off as standard practice. Seems like Better Help is very happy to monetize vulnerability while acting like it cares. Just a word of caution: Many of these mental health apps have dodgy privacy policies and are usually founded by people that have no business running mental health company. They have very cynical views of privacy laws and everything is a monetizable activity including sharing your innermost feelings to 3rd parties wanting to sell you advertisements. Caveat Emptor!", "answer": "Therapist here. \n\nThose types of companies have been a bit of a mess for a while. From the professional side of things I've heard horror stories.\n\nFriendly reminder while this is here: there are lots of private therapists who offer online sessions outside of a service like BetterHelp. Always feel free to ask any prospective counselors you talk to if they offer online services.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f7f7jk", "comment_id": "fib4sve"}, {"question": "Are full blown hallucinations where you lose complete touch with reality a real thing? I have a friend who claims they get these but I\u2019m weary.", "description": "I started talking to this person in the summer. She has a lot of mental health issues and not many friends and I became someone that she can talk to whenever she needs. She can tell me anything and vent whenever she wants. I know she has some legitimate issues but some things she tells me don\u2019t seem real and seem to be made up for attention. She claims to be schizophrenic and have psychotic episodes. But she told me that sometimes she has hallucinations where she loses complete touch with reality. She\u2019ll be sitting in school and all of the sudden she\u2019s in another state with a man chasing her trying to kill her. Crazy, outlandish stories like that. And I\u2019m just not sure if things like that exist. This might be the wrong sub but I\u2019d appreciate it if anyone can let me know. Thank you!", "answer": "As someone who has worked with plenty of folks with Psychotic Disorders, this type of thing does exist, but is pretty rare. \n\n\nFor most folks with severe Schizophrenia, auditory hallucinations are the most common along with a set a strange delusions (ie. I'm actually an angel sent from God, the government is broadcasting signals to me, etc.). Vivid visual hallucinations are extremely rare unless there is also some drug use involved. \n\n\nFor the most part, Schizophrenia doesn't really hit folks until late teens early adulthood. For men, generally late teens-early 20's. For women it's generally in early to mid-20's. \n\n\nWhat your friend is describing sounds like it could either be an overactive imagination or some type of flashback or dissociative episode that happens to folks who have experienced some trauma in their lives. \n\n\nI can't/won't give any type of diagnosis or anything like that based off of a Reddit post, but these types of things are possible, though fairly rare.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bbg19x", "comment_id": "ekkd2qn"}, {"question": "I don't want to be a narcissist.", "description": "3 years ago, I was very insecure and shy. I hated myself and I tried to become a better me\n\nI made the effort to do as I'd wish and within **a year**, my insecurity deminished so fast.\n\nI'm loving myself like no other could, and I wouldn't trade my physical and mental/social state for anything and anyone else.\n\nThe problem is, I notice i'm loving myself *too much*, and I tried to consider that fact false. However, i've notice that it's becoming a problem to my friends. And I want to avoid conflicts.\n\nHow can I calm my pride without using negativity on my emotions? ", "answer": "Maybe your self love isn't the problem but the way you express it to others. Your friends would have the best information. Do you trust any of them to give you honest feedback about what they don't like. Also it is entirely possible that they are jealous of you. Not sure which. Just my thoughts. \n\nOh and the fact that you're worrying about being a narcissist is already good for you. Not many narcissist would even have the awareness or ego strength to ask what you just did. So props. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72i4q2", "comment_id": "dniprku"}, {"question": "Feeling such peace", "description": "I have a success story. Hopefully you guys will appreciate it.\nFirst, some background. I come from a sheltered family that mostly kept to themselves. I had friends all growing up but I struggled with socializing in general and mild social anxiety. \n\nFor many years I've been actively working on improving myself and becoming a healthier person overall. I feel like I'm in a good place with it right now.\n\nThe last few weeks have had quite a few ups and downs, one involving a romantic interest. Long story short, we like each other but she's moving away. \n\nI was feeling bummed about it but decided to continue to go out and be social. My outlet is to participate in running meetups. \n\nThis Thursday I was chatting with someone and they ended up inviting me to a Gluehweinparty (German mild wine I guess, I don't drink)\n\nI thought about it and even drove there. I was close to just turning around and leaving, worried about fitting in with people that were going to be drinking. But, I told myself \"you're doing this, you can leave early if you want to, and no matter how it turns out, I can go home and play video games if I want.\"\n\nI walk inside and immediately introduce myself to the host. He seems like a friendly person and genuinely nice. I continued to introduce myself to people and join conversations throughout the night. There were probably 50 or 60 people that showed up at one point or another. I ended up staying wayyy longer than I thought I was going to because I was just so engaged. \n\nI met and had quality conversations with at least 5 or 6 people. One was a Brazilian that I spoke Portuguese with. After our conversation she came back dragging another guy, came up to me and said \"You have to meet this guy, he served his mission in Brazil too!\" I was ecstatic. \n\nI even met someone that could be another potential romantic interest. Good things all around.\n\nThat was last night. All of today, I felt like I was riding on a small high. Like my level of overall happiness had gone up a notch. I finally felt like I belonged. I've struggled with socializing in those kinds of situations, so it was a satisfying victory. I felt connected with people, made friends and felt like I was part of the group. \n\n\n\nI feel content. \n\n\n\nThanks for listening.", "answer": "I always always always dread going out and actively avoid making plans/have a book of excuses waiting to go. I want to stay inside, in my sweats, under a blanket, disassociating away on the internet. This feels so safe and comfortable to me but it makes me miserable. Misery is comfortable. Misery is magnetic.\n\nEvery time I force myself to go out I always have a great time and feel a boost of self esteem after. My problems look smaller, more manageable, and I feel motivated to keep pushing myself forward. That misery always calls for me the next day, though. It\u2019s a constant battle.\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a2biz4", "comment_id": "eaxgc57"}, {"question": "How do I deal with my job?", "description": "So, I need 20 hours of community service to get into this really nice school. I had to choose between helping baby birds or volunteering at a nursing home. I chose the nursing home, but I truly regret that decision.\n\nFor starters, the people who work their are very gruff and rude. There are a few diamonds in the rough, but the jerks are far more common. Next off, it's a huge place, and we don't have maps. I've gotten lost more times than I can count, and I usually get scolded for it. \n\nSome of the residents are very rude. I understand that many of them have mental issues, but I just can't take it. One of them had to use the restroom. This was my first day, so I had to ask for directions. I was directed to the nurses station and told they'd handle it from there. As I'm taking her there and explaining what I'm doing, she snaps. She starts shouting at me and calling me names. I just continued and wheeled her to the station, but I had to fight back tears.\n\nIt's very hot in there, and the fact that we can't sit down and are constantly moving doesn't help.\n\nThere's also the fact that we have to talk to the residents. I push through it and try to be as relaxed and kind as I can, but inside I'm freaking out.\n\nI can't quit. I need the 20 hours, and the bird thing is already over with. Do you guys have any advice?", "answer": "I worked for 2.5 years in a place like that. I kept sane by telling myself that it would be over someday, and low and behold, it is over.\n\nSometimes you just have to dive head first into something miserable and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "w0gzf", "comment_id": "c596b2d"}, {"question": "My gf just broke up with me last night super abruptly, I'm pretty confused.", "description": "So first off, we're in a long distance relationship but it was only till this coming April, we had plans to meet up and see where things went. I went to work yesterday and everything was great, she passed her test that day and said she was going to take a nap at home so she wouldn't pass out on me later that night after I got off work. So that time comes, I get home and am ready for the nightly rituals, hang out with her and play her favorite game, but instead I was met with her telling me that the distance was getting to her and the fact she couldn't be near me had her depressed to the point of not eating. She ended the relationship, I let her know that if she needed space I would give it to her. I'm at work now and can't hardly get in the space of mind to be productive. She unfriended me on all games and social media and hardly will talk to me so yeah, it was so sudden, everything was absolutely amazing before last night, we were best friends. She has severe depression way far passed mine I just wanted some opinions, I'm trying my hardest to not jump to any conclusion. I'm just hurt, we had a damn near perfect friendship. ", "answer": "If someone has severe depression, then nothing is going to go well in their life until they feel better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5swkh8", "comment_id": "ddihr5t"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "DBT (dialectical behavior therapy \u2014 developed by Marsha Linehan) is a very effective therapy. It\u2019s helps quickly with impulse-control (especially self-harm). A variety of medications can help with symptoms. But the gold standard treatment is DBT.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eon26g2"}, {"question": "Alcohol and arrhythmia?", "description": "21 f, 5'9, 125 lbs, very healthy and exercise a ton. I have high blood pressure which is being investigated, as well as pretty incessant atrial tachycardia.\n\nI recently turned 21, so I've been drinking more... and I noticed that whenever I drink, I wake up in the middle of the night with a much worse racing heart? It only has to be like 1-2 drinks and it happens. I make sure to drink plenty of water, so I don't think that I get dehydrated and I don't really understand. Can alcohol cause my arrhythmia to get worse? If so, how? Or is this somehow related to high blood pressure? My doctor never mentioned anything about alcohol to me.", "answer": "There's a phenomenon given the name \"holiday heart\" where significant drinking can cause or worsen arrhythmia. So yes, alcohol can do this regularly enough to get a name for it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fjuq5", "comment_id": "dy4bvfw"}, {"question": "Random, but I'm interested in who you guys are outside of Borderline. How would you describe yourself, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, what do you look like, etc.?", "description": "Sometimes I let BPD define me entirely, but I know I am more than that and I know you guys are too :) Definitely curious to hear about your lives. Feel free to post photos of yourself, your pets, etc. \n\nEdit: Thank you so much for the gold! I really, really love reading about fellow Borderlines who are doing amazing things with their lives (being a mother/father, volunteering and giving back to the community, working as a nurse, working as a firefighter, going to school, writing, managing everyday life, etc.), especially when our mental illness is so heavily stigmatized and demonized by society. ", "answer": "I'm a 27 yo male. I am a marriage and family therapist and I work with kids that have intense psychiatric disorders, and their families. I fucking love it, and going through that helped me learn more about myself and who I am. Aside from that I'm moving in with my girlfriend in a few weeks and it's pretty stressful looking for a place. I have a cat, named Rusty Venture, and he's my special boy. I have two best friends I've know since I was 5 and 7 that are my real Family. Fuck I feel boring as fuck. \n\nI love video games, tabletop gaming, binging TV shows like Lost and masterchef Jr. I wanna get back into dnd but no one wants to play with me. I listen to chillwave sort of music, like washed out and toro y moi. My favorite movie is Labyrinth, but it's a close tie with Brick. My name is Daniel. I look like this http://imgur.com/hcUDLxe", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3v2qdx", "comment_id": "cxk158o"}, {"question": "Friend offered me her grinder and I have no idea what to make if it", "description": "We\u2019re in college and decided to hang out and smoke one more time before I leave (thanks covid-19). When I got to her place, she offered to give me one of her two grinders. I think I forgot to directly ask why lol. I couldn\u2019t take it, I felt too bad, but yeah I\u2019m just confused as to why someone would give away one of their grinders for free. This might be a dumb post sry. I keep thinking about it though, and how nice it was of her to offer. What do I make of this? And yes, I do plan on directly asking her sometime.", "answer": "I\u2019ve given away tons of stuff. Part of it is decluttering, part of it is a kind gesture.\n\nWhen I quit smoking, I gave it all away", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fng4nn", "comment_id": "fl9uxgp"}, {"question": "We do we pussyfoot around AA?", "description": "There are many roads to recovery. There is AA, SMART, SOS, Women in Sobriety, LifeRing, numerous cognitive behavioural methods. Some people stop on their own. Some people use harm reduction. Some people don't give a fuck.\n\nYet it seems in these recovery forums that we are ever so fucking careful about offending AA members.\n\nIt is obvious from reading any random sampling of these posts that a great many people have problems with the spiritual/religious nature of AA.\n\nThis reddit is called */r/stopdrinking* not *stoppedrinking* nor *stoppedusingAAtonotdrink\". \n \nIt is a place where people who have alcohol abuse issues come for answers. \n \nInevitably when people come to this forum there will be an AA member that will speak up for going to a meeting, etc, etc. \n \nThey have held the field for a quite awhile. \n \nBut that doesn't mean it has to be ceded to them. \n \nWhile I find AA can be useful for *very short term* sobriety - say 30-60 days. It is harmful for periods beyond that. Unless you are prepared to accept *wholesale* the implicit implications found in the meetings, the steps, and the literature. \n \nSure there are those, like AA Agnostica and various other offshoots who say that the whole **Higher Power/God** business is overblown. They spend their time retrofitting their beliefs to the AA message. Why they can't say that the AA message is flawed is beyond me. \n \nSo why do I bring this up. \n \nPerhaps it is because that not only may AA not be the answer, it may be the wrong answer. \n \nThere are countless numbers of people who abuse alcohol to a great degree who occasionally find themselves in situations, of their own making, that are intolerable. During these periods, defenses are down, self-recrimination is high. So people, in their desperation reach out for answers. They turn to reddits like this one. \n \nAnd the suggestions are **so** gentle: just go to a meeting, look for the similarities not the differences, find a sponsor, blah, blah, blah. \n \nWhat they don't get is a reasoned human being saying perhaps this is the method that you should see out. Instead there are those with 1000s of days of sobriety who trot themselves forward as modern day AA apologists. It could just as easily be said that those with 10+ years of sobriety were never alcoholics - much like AA claims for those who stop on their own. \n \nSee the thing is people wish to change their **behaviours**. AA insists that they have to change their lives. In my mind this is a complete falsehood and stems from AA's Oxford Group beginnings. \n\nSo I put my voice out there because there are different solutions, and to take a stand against one of them is not harmful. It provides context, it provides another point of view. It lets those who are questioning see that there is not one amorphous whole.", "answer": "This exact thread comes up with different titles and arguments which always comes to the same conclusion; disagreement. \n\nYou can't say AA may be the wrong answer because if you get sober and stay sober, in my opinion that is the right fucking answer. As you said this r/stopdrinking so whatever it may take to get a person sober is the right answer for them. \n\nAA never says anyone is not alcoholic, no where in the literature does it say that. That is not up to you, I, or Bill and Bob to decide. Neither does the literature say that AA has a monopoly on sobriety, in fact it says the opposite.\n\nI think it's safe to say, within this sub, AA is the predominately used means of getting sober, that teamed with AA's stance on fellowship means that people in AA are typically going to speak out more. If a person is deadset in AA being the only way, then that's simply not true because these other programs are proven as well. Not that you shouldn't heed their advice, but that is a naive mindset. \n\nThe whole concept of AA is built for the long term. The steps are not a 30-60 day thing. If you're only going to AA for 30-60 days you may as well involve yourself in another community based program like SMART.\n\nI don't know why I even respond to these things any more. These posts do nothing cause arguments which contribute nothing to those trying to get sober.\n\nSo, sorry everyone, I did it again.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1g3shl", "comment_id": "caggwbp"}, {"question": "I just need a little help and advice.", "description": "Lately I have been really depressed. I don't really care about anything, I have pretty much given up in at least two of my classes, I dislike going to church (baptized LDS), I was this close to breaking up with my girlfriend of exactly one year last Sunday, I am dissatisfied with my level of skill in tennis, I am lazy, disconnected with some of my friends, and apathetic. My grades are as follows and I am dissatisfied: Psychology:63% English Composition:80% Chemistry:63% Trigonometry:67% Journalism:82% US History:76%. it seems like no matter how hard i work, my trig, chem, and psych grades dont get any higher. I realize that there are people worse off than me, but i cant seem to snap out of it. help?\nOh, and I have always had a terrible problem with procrastination.", "answer": "That sounds pretty much like depression: lack of motivation, lack of interest in things you usually like, decreased academic performances.\n\nThe best thing you can do is probably to get in and discuss what's going on with a mental health professional (counselor, clinical social worker, psychologist)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sq5t2", "comment_id": "c4g1jx7"}, {"question": "I (30s/f) am trying to cut ties with my ex(40s/m).", "description": "Ok. So I obviously made this a throwaway to protect the innocent. I'll try to keep it concise. I apologize in advance for the wall of text.\nI had been together with my ex for about 13 years. I was madly in love with him for the majority of those years and I believe he felt the same way about me. We had some really amazing times together, but we also had some of the worst moments any relationship could face. The last 2 years had been the absolute worst. I know I should have seen the warning signs years ago, but I was too blinded by my love for him and extremely loyal to a fault. It started when he would embarrass me in front of my friends and family. About 5 years in it escalated to he and I getting into a very heated argument while he was drunk and him physically attacking me. I left him at that time for about 6 months. He found a way to woo me back into his life, and of course, promised me it would never happen again. Things were good for a little while. However they slowly deteriorated once again. We fought constantly about money and finances. He barely kept a job the entire time we were together and would go long stretches (years) without work. Relying on me and his parents to take care of his share of the financial responsibility. At times he was the most loving, caring, sensitive man I had ever met...only then to do a complete 180 and turn into a monster. I can't tell you how many times he had kicked me/locked me out of our home. A real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. \nAnyway there is a lot more I could tell you, but I think you get the picture. I stuck it out because I loved him and I love his son(not mine). I had some silly hope that things would get better...but they only got worse.\nAbout a year ago he got himself wasted drunk and had a complete break. He threw things at me, attacked me, tried to attack his son ( I was not letting that happen), just went all out crazy. The police were called and his son, his mother ( she was visiting at the time), and I left as soon as we could to get out of his path of rage. We made it safely out of there. Next thing I know the cops are showing up to where we had fled informing me he had been arrested. Let's just say he continued to get himself into trouble post us leaving the house. \nDevastated, I take time to process everything. Being the loyal person that I am, told him I would help him in whatever way I could. I did also make it clear to him that I could only be his friend, not his partner. Not after what he had done to me and how he had broken his promise and my trust. I made this clear the entire past year, but he still hung on and deluded himself into thinking we were still together. Trust me...I made it clear we were not everytime he called me his wife. I did have moments of hope that we might someday be able to work things out and live happily ever after...I'm not going to lie. They were always fleeting. Eventually he went through court and got slapped with an extremely harsh sentence. Destroying all hope of ever working things out between us. Part of me at the time did not want to work it out, but I can't stand leaving things unfinished. I at least wanted to be able to leave on good terms. I'm really terrible at hurting other people's feelings. \nFast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I meet a guy. He's wonderful and patient. Open and honest. I don't know if it will last, but I now remember what it is like to have a healthy relationship with someone. This stirred up a lot of resentment towards my ex. I finally just told him I was seeing someone. He blew up on me, told me I betrayed him and abandoned him...etc. Really? I know I know...I need to cut ties completely with the ex. I just feel so sad and so sorry for him. The jail/prison system is absolutely horrible. Regardless of what he did to me, I wish him no harm. My empathy is over the top. The entire situation just breaks my heart. How do I let go and forgive myself for hurting him?\nAny help/advice is greatly appreciated and thanks for taking the time to listen!", "answer": "You don't owe him anything. He is dangerous to you and to anyone close to him. If you want to protect his feelings and your own prospect of happiness: the path of least upsetting him is to never talk to him again. \n\nIn order to do this, you will have to ignore the parts of you that want a different resolution or that miss him, or that hope for x, y or z. Those hard feelings are the price of safety and freedom. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "713i5k", "comment_id": "dn7xvte"}, {"question": "I know it works.. so why is it so damn hard to stay motivated?", "description": "Over the past few months, I've begun to do basic weight training about once a week. My initial and ongoing goal is to build muscle, but it had the secondary benefit of improving my mental health. I feel more balanced and less moody than I have been in the past. \n\nHowever, often (on days like today) when I don't have any plans or pressing obligations and the weather is dreary, I just want to lay in bed. \n\nIt's a conundrum that the thing that would likely make me feel better is the last thing that I want to do. I will be better in a day or two when I'm back at work being productive. It's really frustrating that I have such a hard time enjoying time off. \n\nI have been able to force myself to walk, which is a good thing. Outside of that, I basically wait for my body and mind to reset. \n\nHow regimented are you all? Do you have some days when exercise is completely out of the question? \n\n", "answer": "My main goal is just dont quit. I go twice a week and make it as fun as possible (I do meditation, cardio, have a snack, and change my actual work out whenever.) I don't make big gains, but that's not my goal. When I don't feel like going, I just wear my clothes, and try for 5 min. Most of the time, I finish my workout. I also go right after work, so it's part of my scheduled. Basically, I minimize the choices (when, what to do, how I will do it, etc) and maximize the fun (have a snack, do exercises I like, listen to music, etc.)", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "34xs93", "comment_id": "cqzav9x"}, {"question": "Who should I talk to about being diagnosed?", "description": "I feel really awkward calling it a diagnosis but I thought that would cover what I meant.\n\nI had a bad couple of years at the start of secondary school( got into a couple fights, bullied quite a lot, etc.) and I spent some time with my school's learning support. The word autistic was bounced around a couple times then everything got a lot better from about year 9 onwards and it didn't really come up again. I wasn't sure if it was recorded until recently one of my teachers had his mark system on the board and I saw that next to my name it said \"autism\" under the special needs section.\n\nA couple of the things I do and say make me think that I'm mildly autistic but I've never done tests( are there tests for autism?) to see whether I am or not. I don't feel that it affects my life in any serious way as I'm happy, confident and okay at handling social situations. However, I want to be more aware of where I stand on the autistic spectrum and how this might affect me and others.", "answer": "Most communities have autism resources. It may be a message board or another kind of support group. I would post a message in/get in touch with one of these asking about reputable psychologists in your area that deals with autism/asperger's. If you can't find anything like that, you could result to calling at least a few local psychologists asking for the name of someone who deals with asperger's/autism.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "wqbos", "comment_id": "c5fjm8x"}, {"question": "My 8yr old has a bad diet", "description": "She is extremely picky when it comes to foods and I'm concerned that she's not getting her dailey nutrition. \n\nI make myself a protein shake in the morning. She does not like to drink milk. So, I pour a little bit into a cup for her, less than half a cup. Im making maybe a 16oz cup and I'll give her maybe 4. \n\nHer mom thinks this is a bad idea that's its not healthy for her. My argument is that now she's drinking milk and getting some proteins....\n\nIs it bad for her?\n\nhttps://imgur.com/gallery/oRa11\n\nThe protein in question\n\n", "answer": "You're giving her protein. It's not exactly balanced nutrition. Multivitamins and/or omega-3 might be a better option.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "531mij", "comment_id": "d7p88sp"}, {"question": "Pressure to be a 'woman'", "description": "I notice that other women are more emotionally expressive, and are very good at building trust and comfort. People have told me that women who have 'grown into' their femininity or are just naturally feminine act as social glues and are great at hosting, entertaining, catching social cues, building and maintaining relationships, etc.\n\nSo... I'm the complete opposite of all the above and have to put in a lot of work to just be emotionally expressive, and get people to feel at ease around me. When I'm around other girls I feel so out of place. I don't feel like I belong with guys either, so I'm confused about which 'energy' I project and gravitate to the most.\n\nBecause of this I don't feel like I have a strong sense of self and have a very difficult time connecting to people. It's a surprise that I even managed to have relationships at this point but mostly because I befriend extroverts who do most of the emotional labor. I want to contribute more but I really have a tough time in social situations and leading a conversation.\n\nPlease help, for anyone who has some insight. ", "answer": "I work at an agency that primarily serves the LGBT community. I participated in a great workshop talking about masculine identities. It made me realize that I don't necessarily believe that anything is inherently \"manly\" or \"womanly\". Although a lot of folks do ascribe to societal and cultural gender norms.... nothing is written that you have to. I think we're all a combination of stereotypically masculine and feminine traits regardless of our gender. \n\n\nFor instance... I'm a cisgender guy. I have some stereotypical masculine traits.... I'm a protector, I can be aggressive when need be, I love sports and I'm extremely competitive. \n\n\nOn the other hand, I'm a therapist. My job is to be intuitive, emotionally supportive, caring, and a good listener. I'm damn good at what I do and I love it, though all of these are stereotypical feminine traits. In my marriage, I do most of the cooking and probably most of the crying during movies. (Coco had me near bawling). \n\n\nNone of that makes me feel like any less of a man, because for me, what \"being a man is\" is what I decide for myself, not society. You get to decide what being woman is to you, if you even really want to identify as such. \n\n\n\nWhen it comes to friendships and relationships, everyone has their own preferences in what they're looking for in friends and romantic partners. Be true to yourself and sure enough, you'll be able to find the people who are looking for someone just like you! ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8zpyw0", "comment_id": "e2kkhx3"}, {"question": "is it fair that i go and reveal all truths about our relationship when gf didnt tell all truth ?", "description": "me and my gf were in a serious relationship for past 2 years . we usually started with casual and have made a decision that we will part ways when her parents will get her married. . she first told me she wants to marry me...we will convince our parents and will get married with their happiness. i told my parents from the starting ..and was ultimately able to convince them...she didnt find the courage to let her family know about our relationship. she made me make many promises and i totally stand up to those promises... \n\nshe offerd me to run away and get married but i made her understand its not fair...she keep on saying from the start that she will die if i donot marry her..she will die if her parents donot listen..she will not let anybody touch her except me....\n \nso we both were serious and happy. now the time came when her parents had found a groom for her. she told them about us but didnt hv the courage to tell everything . so her parents thought that it wasnt that serious . we just liked each other that it. and they pressuried her and same time told her to chose one of the two in haste and fast . they said either \n1. choose them and forget about me and end everything \n2. choose me and they will not contact her for lifetime and they will be dead to her.\n\nshe wanted both but was not able to decide. in just 2 days after telling her parents ...she just gave up without much effort and without revealing all truths about our relationship and choose them.\n\nshe told me to forget her and that she is sorry but parents happiness is all that matters. \n\ni feel like its not fair to my part and i am.not able to accept it. i want to try every possible thing to convince them but keeping the dignity and trust of our relationship intact. \n\ni want to tell her parents the complete situation and the whole truth about our relationship. \n will it be fair ?", "answer": "it's about HER, not the parents. she's not ready to cut the cord and will never have a rel. until she does", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6szkx0", "comment_id": "dlh3g58"}, {"question": "My overactive intelligence makes me a total buzzkill. How do I just relax?", "description": "I require constant intellectual stimulation. Even if I'm drunk at a party or a bar, I'll still attempt to impose something intellectual onto the situation. I'll watch the crowds and analyze the social dynamics, I'll study the moves of the good dancers, I'll pair off with the other wallflowers and talk about science and philosophy.\n\nApparently, I don't know how to just chill out and have a good time, and as a result, I'm kind of boring and dry, which of course doesn't get me invited out. At all.\n\nThis sucks. I'm kind of tired of being an observer, I want to be a participant every once in a while too. I want to be able to cut loose and have some \"so I was drinking with friends\" stories that don't involve me making a complete and utter fool out of myself, like the ones that I do have. And for what It's worth, I think the events in those stories have kind of scared me off from relaxing while drinking, at least while in company. I did some insanely stupid things, and now I'm *very* observant about how much I drink, who I'm drinking with, where I'm drinking, and in order to keep from going full retard again, I try to keep myself functioning on a higher level.\n\nIt's not just in party situations though. It's all the time. Basically, I can't relax intellectually. I'm always analyzing, dissecting, and rationalizing, and I want to stop.\n\nSo how do I do that?", "answer": "Um. Maybe try something physical that puts you in a \"flow\" state where you're really really focused on being in the moment? Something like yoga or dancing or martial arts.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xdooo", "comment_id": "c5ll9et"}, {"question": "DAE wish for an incurable disease, just so they can die without guilt of hurting others?", "description": "I would never commit suicide because of the guilt and regret that leaves behind, but existing is fucking hard. Sometimes I find myself hoping for some terminal illness just to escape without anyone feeling personally responsible. Is this normal, or am I just really fucking crazy?", "answer": "A terminal disease would mean we are 100% blameless and a victim... the BPD dream. So yes, I understand that instinct entirely. But having realized the truth about why we might feel that way needs to make us say \u2014 WHOA\u2014 wth, that\u2019s disturbing and really learn to work and relate more healthfully.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "edv9ai", "comment_id": "fbsphaw"}, {"question": "How to help someone spend less money and cut down on impulse buying?", "description": "Trying to financially better my SO so we do not run into problems in the future. Any tips on how to help someone save their money or mostly prioritize purchases would be helpful!! Thank you!!", "answer": "Make a budget. Write down how much money comes in every month, how much typically gets spent on bills and food and whatnot (looking at the spending from past months is helpful to figure out what typical food spending is like for example), and then see how much is left over if anything. Having a bank account with and online spending tracker or app is super helpful here.\n\nThen I would also open up a separate savings account purely for the purpose of saving. I opened up two online accounts with Ally - they have a higher interest rate than my credit union, the only downside is it takes a few days to transfer money in/out so I use it for long-term saving. One account is savings for a future down payment on a house, the other is for a car. I estimated how much I would be paying in car payments and insurance monthly, and I just transfer that amount into the car savings account every month. That way I get used to spending that amount and I know that I can't touch it if it gets automatically transferred. \n\nMy credit union offers free financial advising, which helped me a lot. r/personalfinance has some beginner guides for budgeting as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "can17y", "comment_id": "et9rx9a"}, {"question": "Maximising the benefits of counselling", "description": "I've been going to counselling regularly since February now. At my counsellor's suggestion, I have taken the following actions:\n\n* Started a journal to document my feelings\n\n* Asked my friend to not help me commit suicide (not that he was for it, but he was an integral part of my plan)\n\n* Promised to talk to him and my parents any time I start thinking about self-harming or committing suicide\n\nNow, when I journal, I just end up writing a justification for why I hate myself. Talking to my friend was only a one-off, preventative measure. When I start thinking about self-harming, it's almost always the week of the appointment, so I see no need to bring it up beforehand.\n\nLately, I've been feeling worse. I'm quicker to anger, I lose focus and then hate myself for not doing my work, I feel like I'm a fuck-up who consistently screws himself over. I'm not sure what benefits I've really gained from going to counselling. I don't think we've ever really discussed what I should be doing. We've talked about anti-depressants, but he can't prescribe.\n\nLast time, we decided to have my parents come in. I'm pretty pissed that my dad didn't bother to ask why I was depressed, he just wanted to know how I had been planning on killing myself so he could restrict access. [This](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/the_torn_skirt/Blog/giveashit.jpg) sums up how I feel about that quite nicely.\n\nAt any rate, my next appointment is tomorrow. What are some ways I can try and get some better short term benefits from it? Right now, I'm just wasting my parents' money without feeling any of the effects.", "answer": "Counselor here: tell your therapist everything you said here. If something isn't working- tell them. Not every approach works with everyone. Also- it is perfectly normal for people to sometimes feel worse before they feel better. Therapy often asks us to discuss and dig up negative things that we can't always alleviate in 50 min. Remember that it is a process, with an end goal in mind. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "tpbqw", "comment_id": "c4ok6gq"}, {"question": "Is there a term ( attention seeking/narcissism? ) for someone who consistently needs to interject themselves somehow into every situation or national news story?", "description": "My aunt (57) has always been the dramatic type but it seems like it\u2019s gotten beyond the typical crisis/drama queen behavior. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s to the point of suggesting therapy to her. \nShe has always had some attention seeking qualities but nothing to cause more than a few eye rolls at family reunions because she is also very kind and generous. Over the past couple of years though it has become impossible to have a conversation with her without there being some (perceived ) crisis or drama. Much of it over things beyond her control, not her responsibility or very minimal I.e. a step-grandchild\u2019s 2nd grade poor report card required a middle of the working day emergency phone call to discuss what an awful job her parents are doing ( they\u2019re not) and how she needs to live with them and she will fix it (not gonna happen) Every time there is a major local or national news story she has to somehow interject herself into it and call/post about it. ( \u201cI can\u2019t sleep!! My friend\u2019s son (who I\u2019ve never met) lives (somewhere) near Minneapolis! I hope he\u2019s ok!!\u201d And I cant count the number of tearful phone calls regarding the acquaintance who had Covid-19 and was critically ill. Yes it\u2019s tragic but I thought she was describing a close friend or family member based on her reaction. A plane had to make an emergency landing and she had \u201cjust flown that airline last month!! It could have been me on there!!\u201d True stories. \nShe also knows a semi-famous person and for years her cover photo has been of her and (semi celebrity) not her husband or family. \nI know she\u2019s an adult and her behavior isn\u2019t malicious or dangerous but I know it\u2019s unhealthy and is interfering with her work and her husband doesn\u2019t want to talk about it. \nIs there a term for this? Is it a personality trait or disorder? Should she be getting help? Thanks in advance for any advice.", "answer": "Rather than focusing on what you think may be the cause of he behavior, you may get further by focusing on how it causes distress in her life . What is happening at work?\n\nI don't know enough to say what it going on. I don't know her background and history, and have never observed here . My opinion is just an idea based on what you shared : The examples you shared give me the impression that she may be trying to connect with others. There is nothing particularly grandiose or exciting, but these stories are relatable because everyone understands the reference and is in the loop. It sounds like a way to stay relevant and to not worry about telling a boring story. There is a lot of intensity in these stories! At least in her mind , she always has something interesting going on.\n\nAnother reason I think this may be a misguided attempt to connect is that it works! At least one relative (you) picks up the phone over and over and listens. You look at her social media , too . If these stories are gutting attention (,even an eye roll), that is working for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "guej4r", "comment_id": "fsi0tio"}, {"question": "I (20m) haven\u2019t been to the dentist in two years, but brush my teeth twice a day regularly. At my cleaning today, I was told I have 12 cavities. Is this possible?", "description": "I am a 20-year-old male (5\u201910\u201d, 150lbs, Caucasian) in college, so I\u2019ve definitely been experiencing a lot of stress and have been grinding my teeth a lot since my last dentist appointment. However, I haven\u2019t been experiencing a whole lot of pain in my teeth, just some sensitivity. They also mentioned that most of the cavities were due to a lack of flossing and were therefore in between my teeth (i.e. not from grinding). I\u2019m not one to question doctors and self-diagnose, but I just find it hard to believe that I somehow developed 12 cavities while thinking I had none. We\u2019ve had issues with this dentist in the past where they act like used car salesmen, so I\u2019m skeptical about getting the cavities filled without a second opinion.\n\nI should also mention that I am going back to school (~450 miles away) in about a week, and when I told them this they were adamant I didn\u2019t see another dentist out that way to fix any issues. Instead they told me I should wait til December to see them again because they are more familiar with my records. Should I just put my faith in these doctors and let them do their job, or am I right in being suspicious of their claims?", "answer": "For dental issues you might want r/Dentistry instead. My general opinion is that anyone recommending against second opinions is a medical huckster and you want a second opinion even more. The only exception would be something so urgent that there's no time for a second opinion, and waiting until December definitely isn't that.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928y4y", "comment_id": "e33yp3m"}, {"question": "cost of therapist", "description": "I live in Canada (province of Ontario) and my psychologist currently charges $200 per hour,\n\nis this too expensive?\n\nshe practises therapy at her own home, so she doesn't need to cover rental fees\n\nhow much of that $200 goes to other expenses, and how much would she actually be making out of that $200?", "answer": "There is no too much or little. Any therapist can charge whatever they want. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9cdqvu", "comment_id": "e5a64it"}, {"question": "Why should I have to be challenged, or \"meet challenges head-on\"? Why can't I avoid them and go about my life?", "description": "This is coming right off the back of a meeting I just had with some social services type people about getting me into the workforce, so I'm still pretty chaffed about it.\n\nThe phrase \"meeting challenges head-on\" was used, in the context of me getting the support or framework necessary in order for me to do so.\n\nI just got kind of pissed and started thinking about why we're expected to do things that are hard. I HATE doing things that challenge me, and that don't flow relatively easily. In most cases, I'll still do them, but I don't get any feeling of satisfaction afterwards where I can big myself up and say well done. I'm just glad it's fucking over and never want to do it again. And kind of wish I hadn't in the first place.\n\nI understand self-improvement and development, etc., but it seems like it isn't acceptable to say no, I like my mediocrity just fine, thankyouverymuch. Always striving for higher and further in the past has left me with a shit tonne of issues now, so I have zero desire to go down the path of challenges and rewards again.\n\nI'd much rather just stay with the status quo and coast along, without rocking the boat. Is it so wrong to want an easy life, when things are so hard to begin with?\n\n[TL;DR](http://imgur.com/3W6D1F8)", "answer": "If you aren't growing your stagnating or dying. And both are bad", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6e0qu1", "comment_id": "di6ug8p"}, {"question": "General question, but how bad is a little tobacco here and there?", "description": "Required info: Age: 19; Height: 6\u20193\u201d; Weight: 205; Gender: Male\n\nQuick question about tobacco. I don\u2019t smoke cigarettes and I don\u2019t dip or anything. My only tobacco use is either a cigar on super special occasions, or in a moke or backwoods blunt, so with a little weed, and weed use is maybe 3-4 times a month, so this is half that. \n\nHow bad is that?", "answer": "I don't know of good studies on occasional smokers, but a rough estimate of risk would be taking the risks of a daily smoker and dividing it by the amount that you smoke. So it's not zero risk, but it's much lower risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8whiue", "comment_id": "e1vxnul"}, {"question": "Errm ... so how do I do my stool sample?", "description": "26, UK, never really been to a doctor so everything is new to me ... how in the actual f do I do a stool sample? I have two very small tubes. Not sure if they want both filled or if one is a backup lol.\n\nAnd once it's done, how am I handing it in? Surely not at reception?\n\nShould have asked more questions.", "answer": "I bet you your GP just gave you a couple of bottles and sent you off!\n\nJust shit in them and bring them back. Dont contaminate them as much as practicable. Wash your hands! Hand them in reception - they've been given worse I assure you!\n\nNothing to be embarrassed about honestly, but anxiety is understandable if its the first time you've had to do anything like this.\n\n[Stool samples - NHS](http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/how-should-i-collect-and-store-a-stool-faeces-sample.aspx?CategoryID=69)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56588c", "comment_id": "d8hmsok"}, {"question": "About Getting Help", "description": "I'm considering getting help. What are some of your experiences with this? Was it effective? Worth it?\n\nYour thoughts on medications?\n\nCognitive/Behavioral Therapy?\n\nThe thing that concerns me is this lack of acceptance of my current situation, the anxiety at all; it is part of me, right? Is my control only limited to how I respond to it, or can I eliminate it?", "answer": "CBT has been shown to be quite effective in treating anxiety. It's a pretty straightforward approach. It also is typically less expensive in the long run than meds, and without the side effects.\n\nAs far as eliminating anxiety- therapy doesn't claim to get rid of negative emotions (sadness, anxiety, anger, etc), because those are all normal parts of the human experience. Everyone experiences anxiety- a moderate amount is normal, and therapists cant and wont change that. Instead, therapy teaches you how to control your anxiety to keep it from becoming where it is now. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "snhrl", "comment_id": "c4g0tw0"}, {"question": "Child Sleeping With (Defensive) Weapons", "description": "What is the data on such occurrences, if any at all, and if there is any, what does it say?\n\nI ask because I\u2019ve been on the road to recovery of my childhood trauma for nearly 3 years now, and I just remembered that I used to do this, and it has really hit me hard.", "answer": "I do not treat kids . However, in my role as a forensic psychologist , I often have to read records (police, medical, mental health) related to the people I evaluate and victims. I have seen this come up in situations where a child's mother is in an abusive relationship. However, I'm not aware of research on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "frk385", "comment_id": "flxrluw"}, {"question": "9 yr old severe anxiety in summer...", "description": "My 9 yr old is having severe anxiety over blushing in front of schoolmates. We have been with friends and family for 4th of July activities the past two nights and has told me she is very worried about school and blushing, even during a fireworks show. Last night she even mentioned she likes school but not herself. This talk is obviously alarming. We will talk with our pediatrician but was thinking we could get some good feedback, opinions, resources etc. that would help us dive in and give her some relief.", "answer": "I think it's good that you're so actively doing your best for your daughter and I understand her words can be alarming. \n\nKeep in mind that regardless of the professional help you may or may not need, her parents are very important to her and you can definitely help her also to be a healthy and developing child. My advice would be to make sure you (both parents) are not reacting with becoming more stressed than needed. She is learning what happens when she tells you she is not so happy. I am not talking about whether or not you tell her about your feelings and thoughts, because she will notice anyway. \n\nSo talk about it, care about it, and show her what happens when you tell your parents you're not feeling good (they love you, they understand you, they will help you, they may not be perfect but they are good enough).\n\nHope this helps.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c9ves4", "comment_id": "et3nauh"}, {"question": "Letter to my doctor from DEA", "description": "Female 29, surgery recently\nPrescriptions: levothyroxine 112 mcg, adderall 30 mg\n\nI had ankle surgery 6 weeks ago. I received pain medicine from my surgeon. I ended up in the ER two days after surgery, due to pain and circulation issues. The ER doc refilled my medication-this was a holiday weekend. I stopped this medication after two days and I was taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I started to get shingles (pcp presumes from stress due to surgery) and I made an appointment with my pcp where I got an antiviral as well as a much lower dose pain medication. I informed him that I was no longer taking the medication from surgery that was 7 days prior.\n\nMy pcp has prescribed my adderall for over a year. He works at a practice overseeing physician assistants. Apparently one of my refills for adderall in the last three months was called in my a PA due to my doctor being on vacation. \n\nI did not realize that I would be under investigation?? Am I in trouble? What happens now? My pcp was laughing when he told me about it and he refilled my adderall the same appointment. He said he doesn\u2019t have to respond to the letter, but now I\u2019m worried I will actually be in trouble. \n\nPlease help!", "answer": "The legal intricacies of doctor shopping, prescribing, and controlled substances are all irrelevant here because they don\u2019t apply.\n\nYour care has been in one practice. At one time someone else was covering and wrote a prescription. That is all legitimate and above-board. The DEA is unlikely to investigate, if they do it will be the doctor, and it sounds like an open-and-shout normal situation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "idb4u7", "comment_id": "g287f15"}, {"question": "AA friendships", "description": "There was a post on here earlier looking for sober friends that got deleted. I wondered for a while why people stopped talking to people who left the room or why they were so distant the first couple months I was in the room. The longer I stick around the fellowship the more I realize that this is in fact a life or death situation, and a lot of people come in and out of the rooms so often that it can be scary to get attached to someone and then find out they're back out or have died of this disease. \n\nIn my experience, it took me some time to really form meaningful friendships in AA. They were my friends from the very beginning, but to me having a friend and having friendships is vastly different. They wanted to make sure that I was not only serious about my sobriety, but that I also respected the fellowship that saved their lives. AA is absolutely not a social club, it is a program of recovery where alcoholics help each other get better. One of the gifts of sobriety, however, is that I get some really amazing friends who understand where I'm at before I do most of the time.", "answer": "Thanks for sharing. I've been active in AA for 2 years after getting sober in another fellowship, and working through the traditions checklist with my sponsor I've realized that I still often don't feel like part of the crowd, even though I identify, gave a home group, and regularly visit with people before and after the meeting. I see others who *seem* to click with the crowd quickly, especially the YPAA crowd, and it can make me feel like I'm back in high school, except I can't find the other nerds this time around... And then I can start to feel isolated and resentful. But you're right, it's not a social club, and the most important thing is if I'm hearing the message. Sometimes it just takes time to find and develop friendships.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "57zxkj", "comment_id": "d8wlpu8"}, {"question": "I (F,19) have been in an incredibly confusing \"relationship\" with this guy (m,33) for 6 months.", "description": "This is an incredibly long story but I have no one else in the world to tell it to, and I need someone who knows both sides (for the most part) of this horrible story. I'm genuinely going to try to remember every detail and I appreciate anyone who reads through it. If you're sensitive to drug use please don't read this :(\n\n\n\nI'm 19. The man this story is about is 33 and we'll call him Nick just so it's easier to understand. We met last December at a gas station we both worked at. At the time, we were both in relationships and I thought nothing of him, really. We were pretty good friends and I thought he was cool, but that's as far as it went. Well, fast forward to this March/April; both of us split from our partners. He'd been seeing her for 4 years on and off and I'd been in a committed relationship with mine for 2 and a half years. So, middle of April, we started talking a bit more. I thought he was super funny, and just an all around cool person to be around. We started hanging out a little bit, I had a bonfire and some beers at his house with him and a few friends and it was cool, I was making new friends and having a good time. Then, one night, he asked me if I wanted to come over after work (we worked the same shift) for some beers, just the two of us. So I was like, sure, why not. So, we bought some alcohol and I met him at his house and we drank. And talked. For hours. This is important cause right here is kinda the turning point for everything, I think. That night me and him talked for SO long about EVERYTHING in our lives. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's hard for me to connect with people and I felt such a serious genuine connection with him in the short time that I'd been hanging out with him and it just hit me. I had feelings for him. Well, that night, we ended up getting kinda way drunk, we had sex, and I stayed the night at his house. That was the first of many.\n\n\n\nAfter this night we got super close. We talked all the time, and I guess I took it in the wrong way. At work we would eat lunch together, we'd hang out at his house all the time, and we did drugs together all the time. Yeah. I can't remember when that started, but he asked me if I wanted to do some pills with him while we were hanging out once, so, well, I did. And I never went back from it. We started doing drugs together just about every single day. We'd get high before work, during work, after work. But since we were doing that we ended up spending a lot of time together. \n\n\n\nAround May, I sort of told him I had feelings for him and he sort of told me too. That's what's so confusing about all of this. He ACTS like he likes me. We had a good time together even when were just hanging around drinking or getting high. I spent the night with him a lot. He always invited me to his parties and what not. Pretty much all through May-June and the beginning of July this is what we did. We were together ALL THE TIME. I used to visit him on his lunch breaks, I was at his house everyday, he used to call me in the mornings or before bed, we were just always together. He was the person I went to when something awesome or bad happened. The person I always told everything to at the end of the day. The person I trusted and quite literally the person I loved. Once and a while I would kinda try to bring it up to him that I had feelings for him. He usually just would respond with something like \"yeah I have feelings for you but I just don't want a relationship. Let's just keep doing what we're doing.\" It was weird. He'd tell me he loved me every time I left his house and always gave me a kiss. It FELT like we were together.. but.. we weren't. \n\n\n\nWell, sometime in the middle of July (or the end, I can't remember) I had sex with someone else. At this point he was just kinda ignoring me, not really giving me any attention and not acting like we were ever going to be together. I was upset and sick of it and the only thought I had was, well, if I have sex with someone else and he cares.. I guess he cares. So I did, I told him a few days later, and he didn't really say much about it. So I figured that was kinda it, nothing would ever happen between us. Fast forward a few days after I told Nick about the guy I get a call from him. I was on my way to see the dude I hooked up with and he FLIPPED out. Like I'd never really seen him care about anything before, but was crying and everything. He was crying on the phone, he said \"I don't understand how you could go f*ck someone else if you say you love me,\" and stuff like that. And I was BAWLING. I apologized, told him I loved him, and went to his house instead. He told me it hurt him cause he did have feelings for me, and I just tried to explain that I DID, I just didn't feel like he did and was trying to not waste my time/move on. (You have to understand at this point he would ignore me for days and only hit me up if I had drugs. There's tons of little things that happened those past few months that he did to me that were just.. bad. I just don't have time to type it all out and no one wants to read all that. But it was just kinda my breaking point.) So, we just kinda made an agreement that we wouldn't see other people. I swear to you, I said \"just tell me that we're kind of together, and I wont even TALK to anyone else.\" And he said, \"yeah, I guess we kinda are.\" He kissed me and I went home and that was that.\n\n\nAfter that happened, I ended up writing a letter to him telling him how in love with him I was. He just told me he loved me too and the way I felt about him made him feel really good. At this point I GENUINELY believed he had feelings for me.\n\n\n\nSo August-September were pretty okay honestly. We kept in touch a lot and we stopped doing drugs as hardcore as we used to. We hung out sober sometimes and I still saw him a lot. He ignored me sometimes but I just kinda came to terms with it and accepted that I'd just have to let him treat me badly until he was ready. Strange, I know, but I thought someday it would get better, honestly. He was a pretty nice dude most of the time. Sometimes he got mad at me and sometimes he talked shit about me but I just... didn't care.\n\n\n\nOkay, almost done. The most recent thing that happened. I went on a trip about 3 hours from where I live for 5 days at the end of September. We kept in touch, he told me to let him know when I got there, call me when I could, relationship type stuff. We talked every day then I left early so I could see him. I went and picked us up some drugs then went to his house. Everything was pretty much normal. Well, I went up to our old work and saw some old friends and told them I was still kinda seeing Nick and what not and my friend goes \"you know he f*cked two girls while you were downstate, right?\" Well. No. I didn't. So I freaked out, I cried and I've been feeling HORRIBLE ever since that happened. Today is the first day I've talked to Nick since I found out, and I brought it up to him.\n\n\n\nI told him it hurt my feelings and that I loved him and that I just wanted to know what was going on. He said, \"I shouldn't have told anyone, it would've been better if you never found out. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation.\" Like no sh*t he did NOT care that I was crying and hurt. All I said was, \"I just want to know if you love me.\" And he said \"Yeah, I do love you. It was just a mistake.\" He told me he loved me, kissed me and I left. Now, I'm sitting here with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is going on or how to feel.\n\n\n\nThings I want to clear up; first off, I know it's horrible that he only hung around me when we were getting high. I know that's terrible but I really thought underneath it all he cared a little bit. He's been an on/off addict for 7 years so I don't know. I just figured that's how he was, I guess. Second, he really did tell me that he had feeling for me on multiple occasions and he really truly did act like he loved me or at least cared for me. He told me he loved me all the time, like, ALL the time. Third, I'm fully aware that he's probably using me and he doesn't care all that much. Fourth, I genuinely do feel like I am in love with him and I have tried to move on but I can't seem to. Please just don't call me an idiot or anything, I know I am, it's just hard for me to feel real feelings for people and I felt it with him.\n\n\n\nPart of me wants to wait. I want to wait for us to get clean and get help and change ourselves and finally end up together. I think we could be good together and we could help each other. But... maybe not. Part of me thinks that'll never happen and we'll be stuck in this endless cycle of him ignoring me then popping back up and telling me he loves me. Part of me wants to get clean and drop him completely and change my whole life around. \n\n\n\nSo I guess what I'm asking here is a few things. Does/did he ever really have feelings for me? Should I stick around and wait for things to get better? Should I just stop talking to him completely and move on? What is even going on?\n\n\n\n\nTL;DR been in a weird \"relationship\" with a drug addict for a few months and I'm in love and lost.", "answer": "being in love with a drug addict is a recipe for disaster i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77a5fn", "comment_id": "dok7yr8"}, {"question": "constantly tapping caps-lock button", "description": "hi, I have tourettes, ASD, and OCD, and I think this is a manifestation of all three. since i was very young every time i used the computer i tapped the caps lock button on and off every time im not doing something else with the keyboard. my actual hand posture changes in an uncomfortable way to allow me to keep hitting the caps-lock button. i need to see the light on the keyboard turn on, and when it's on, i feel the urge to turn it back off again. ad infinitum.\n\ni kept track of my keyboard presses for several months, and while i dont have the records anymore to show, i found that about 30% of my key presses were just the caps lock button (i hit it over 200,000 times!!!!) and i am even pressing it at least 10 times between every sentence in this post.\n\ndoes anyone else have compulsive button-pressing? how do you deal with it??? it's so unpleasant and for years it has brought me genuine despair because i feel like a slave to the god damn caps lock button. i have many other major compulsions that I am working on but i am at a loss as to what to do with this seemingly minor one.", "answer": "The key to any compulsion is to not engage in it and allow yourself to sit through the obsession. If you are unable to do that, start with easier compulsions first. \n\nIs there a specific thought you're having when the light is on or off? What is the obsession? Is it simply a desire to see the light turn on and off, or is there some fear associated with it (e.g. worrying you'll type an email in all caps if you don't double, triple, quadruple check the button?)\n\nI always suggest seeing an OCD specialist and/or psychiatrist. Meds can help if you don't have the resources to work with a therapist. Mindfulness and ERP are the solution aside from meds. Maybe find a workbook online?\n\nEvery time you indulge the compulsion to press the button, you reinforce the cycle.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "49qefl", "comment_id": "d0u03za"}, {"question": "My introvert GF (26years) is driving me crazy (25 years).", "description": "Hey guys,\nMy GF of a year is too shy and embarrassed to share things with me, he hardly speaks and rather prefers me to speak. Also, she is not a social person and prefers reading quietly most of the time. I am the exact opposite and it pisses me off when I have to go talking like a radio.\nI tried to ask her what in her mind and what bothering her, but she says she can figure it out too. There is too much negativity when I talk to her.\nPlease advice.\nCheers.", "answer": "You can break up with her if you want. \n\nIf you don't want, you're gonna have to find some way of connecting with her that satisfies you that she's willing to participate in. Can you describe that to her in non-complaining, positive terms?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ir23m", "comment_id": "dj8ff0b"}, {"question": "(19/Male) how should a shy/socially awkward guy start dating?", "description": "Maybe this isn't the proper place to ask this, but I couldn't really find anywhere else (subreddit wise) to ask and also because I don't mind embarrassing myself in front of Internet people I thought I'd give it a shot here. \n\nSo I haven't ever dated. Period. My shyness or social awkwardness or whatever you want to call it has really been a big problem when meeting new people, especially women. I know it's pretty pathetic for an adult to still be having \"girl troubles\" but whatever. Obviously I want to be in a relationship just like everybody else, but I have absolutely no idea where I should start or how to keep things moving along. So for any of you shy dudes out there who ended up meeting a significant other, is there any advice you can give me or do I just have to figure this stuff out for myself? ", "answer": "maybe see a therapist in case you have anxiety that could be treated. otherwise, just be patient and go slowly. sometimes joining social activities gives you the chance to hone your talking skills with girls. that will lead to greater confidence.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4bbd", "comment_id": "dc0r8eh"}, {"question": "Telling someone about my problems", "description": "I've been thinking about telling someone about my social problems as to have someone to talk to about it. I've got the internet, but I want someone close to me, and my mother but I wan't someone who's not my mother. I love my mom but even at 24 I'm still her little boy and I want someone who doesn't see me as that.\n\nI'm just wondering what everyone thinks about doing something like this. My biggest worry is that this person would hang out with me out of pity wich I don't want. But I want someone to talk to, someone who can encourage me and just be the guy/gal to give me a boost when needed. I'm sure people have noticed, but I hope you know what I mean.", "answer": "Yeah, you should do this :) Be careful, since not everyone will be open to listening to you share what's really going on, and it can be discouraging to open up about your problems and then have them not care. So make sure you find a compassionate person first. But when you do, be honest about what's going on with you. Everyone deserves a good friend :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "sv5bw", "comment_id": "c4hal2v"}, {"question": "Can I even consider having covid-19?", "description": "Female 21 years old. About 5 days ago I experienced nausea and vomiting. About 2 days later I started having a fever - about 38 Celsius, my mom started giving me 1 g of paracetamol a day, but my temperature still stays up on about 37 - 37,5. I have a headache. Since yesterday I've been experiencing diarrhea, it's pretty bad. My mum works at a medical center, but she doesn't have a direct contact with patients, shes okay, she has no symptoms right now, but she has had the same symptoms about 2 weeks ago. We are self quarantined, I haven't been outside for last 3 weeks. Could it be a coronavirus? In my country there is no way of checking it unless you are pretty much dying.\nI have a few conditions; hashimoto, pcos and insulin resistance. \nPlease help.", "answer": "You could have COVID-19, but without any cough it's less likely. You could also have any ordinary GI bug. A temperature of 37.5 C is not a fever, though. You would need to hit at least 38.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frssoi", "comment_id": "flxh7xs"}, {"question": "Does anyone get anxious because of time being limited", "description": "It's been like this for the past few weeks, i keep getting anxious everytime i do something that kills alot of time (e.g studying, playing games, exercise, especially sleeping).\n\nToday i also experienced the same thing, basically i had already planned to take a nap until 8 pm, however i overslept until 10 pm and due to that my plans of wanting to continue drawing, and finishing homework couldn't be done. Add the fact that i had to learn a subject for the test tomorrow, and you get a mixed soup of emotions that i couldn't comprehend\n\nIt just feels like time is very limited so i would want to use it to the fullest. But because of this mindset i keep feeling like sh*t everytime the plans i have for the day is unable to be done. It really feels terrible, and most of the advice i keep getting is to let go and not make it such a big deal.\n\nI just want to know how to handle this, or maybe if anyone has the same experiences? So far the only solution i had was just to cut my sleeping hours from 8 to 6 hours, but idk if thats ok since im still a 17 yr old teen.\n\nAny advice helps..\n\nTL;DR i get anxious if my plans for the day can't be done, especially if its because of an activity that kills alot of time...", "answer": "This is extremely common and for productive people (or folks who'd like to be more productive) it's common to spend a long time searching for the perfect balance of what works for you. \n\n\nThe biggest answer I can give that isn't really an answer is that there's no one size fits all schedule/regimen that works for everyone. \n\nGenerally, for someone 17 years old, it's recommended that you get 8-10 hours of sleep per night. Reasons for this is that your body/brain are still developing in ways where not getting enough sleep is going to have a much bigger impact on your now and long term than they would if you were in your late 20's and up. \n\nAs you get older, you'll get a general feel for how much sleep you actually need to be functioning at your best. Undersleeping AND oversleeping is going to sap your productivity in different ways, so figuring out exactly what you need is important. \n\n\nIt sounds like you're pretty anxious about it. If you're anything like me, I front load my goals too much. What I mean is, I keep a planner for the week. I think of all of the things that I need to get done, and I put an overwhelming amount of them in the beginning of the week. Way more than I actually have time for. In fact, I'm looking at my planner now and I pretty much did exactly that. When I don't accomplish all the goals, I beat myself up, feel bad about it, and then the feeling bad about it saps my energy/motivation to be productive the rest of the week. \n\n\nThinking of all of the things you need to get done, prioritizing them (what needs to get done ASAP and what can wait but should be scheduled) and then spacing it out over the course of a week or month can be very helpful. That way, you get things checked off your list and feel good about what you did accomplish while also recognizing you're not going to forget the things you didn't because they're written down for later in the week/month.\n\n\nSo in a nutshell, my big advice is to be realistic with your goals. Think of working towards/accomplishing your goals as more of a marathon than a series of 100m dashes.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "erxe88", "comment_id": "ff6po4d"}, {"question": "Women who talk about how lonely they are and then reject \u2018nice guys\u2019 make me sick", "description": "Stop talking about how lonely you are when you won\u2019t even bother to talk to someone like me and have a normal conversation. If you\u2019re not going to talk to just anyone, you\u2019re not that LONELY then, ARE YOU? Fucking whiny attention seeker.\n\nThis website has made me despise people, mainly females. Fuck everyone. ", "answer": "Maybe you\u2019re not as nice as you think you are.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak8ueg", "comment_id": "ef2myhg"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do about my ADHD. I have struggled with it my whole life. I want to be an adult now.", "description": " \n**How I was diagnosed**\n\n I always remember being ADHD since i was a little kid. I never really finished class work, I lost things and I was the one with the extremely messy desk. \nMy parents thought i would outgrow it. Around 16, I became very depressed to the point where I missed a month of school. I didn't have many friends and I was a terrible student. They took me to a psychiatrist. She said that i definitely have ADHD, referred me to get tested and prescribed me Wellbutrin and Focalin. \n\nAfter getting tested, they confirmed that i indeed to have ADHD, the inattentive kind and that I had a gifted IQ. \n\nThe Focalin worked for a month, then wasn't as effective and she put me on Adderall. I started out at the 10 mg IR pills and soon moved up to 20 XR and 10 IR in the evening. \n\nMy parents saw a major improvement in my schoolwork. I was paying attention better in class, I was focused. I went from being a C student to A student. The only thing that changed was my focus, but Adderall woke me up in the morning gave me a sense of confidence. I was prescribed it for all of college. \n\n**My College Years** \n\nAround when I was 19, it stopped working. I would hyperfocus, my nights that I was supposed to spend doing homework and sleeping were often spend on google deceptive because I wanted to research shipwrecks or some weird shit that came in my mind. My psychiatrist prescribed me Daytrana patches, and it was the same as Adderall. I didn't like how long they took to kick in. \n\nI soon had to switch psychiatrists because of insurance issues. I had a lovely NP, she was awesome. \nShe was able to treat my depression with Prozac, 30 mg and prescribed me on 30 XR and 10 IR. I was still staying up very late and not sleeping. Adderall XR would make me daze and when I didn't take it, it made me very irritable and angry. But I was too focused on trying to fix being good at school and being organized. I researched so many organization methods, and how to get things done. I grew frustrated, why couldn't I be productive and get shit done? Why do I have no idea how to estimate time and time block? Why do I plan on preparing for interviews but end up spending the whole time doing something else that I enjoy instead? \nI tried apps on apps, never followed through with them. Downloaded many books and never finished them. Nothing was working. I just wanted to be able to finish things and be productive. **I barely have in my life!!**\n\nMy hyperfocus and love for finance earned me an internship (I struggled with interviews though, mostly because of the prep) at a small Investment Bank last summer. I was not a good employee lol but I was also great at my job at the same time, that is one thing I love about Investment Banking. Every day felt like a new job, and I loved it. However, I was often late, very late, disorganized, I would get distracted on the computer or too hyper-focused and forget about other things. Lots of projects were unfinished. I received an offer, but wanted to go to a better job. \n\nSenior year started. I was over school and was too distracted. I took a finance class that I loved and took classes that interested me. I definitely had senioritis. I tried to get a job, but because of lack of preparation and getting distracted, I could not get one. I grew pretty depressed. I stopped going to class and would cram for tests. It took me almost 6 years of my life (5 years of school because I took a year off) to graduate. Fucking 6 years.. I had a 3.0, had to switch my major multiple times because I had trouble passing some of the required classes. Its not that I didn't understand it, I just \n\nI told my psychiatrist that I was feeling awful on Adderall XR and she switched me to taking 30 mg IR in the morning and 10mg at night. I finally was able to fall asleep before 2, and I had less of a comedown. I had to stop seeing her because she was through my University. \n\n\n**The past year and now** \n\nI graduated University last december with a 3.0. I had a few interviews, one wanted me to do a case and I never finished it. I tried everyday and it never got done. \n\nPast 9 months, I have done nothing with my life. I just sit around the house. I started to see a new psychiatrist and my depression has improved and motivation, but other than that I feel like I am back to where I was before. Disorganized, foggy, countless to do lists, never able to finish anything and trouble with following through.\nI was also diagnosed with Aspergers. \n\nLast week I went to my psychiatrist. I told her my depression was a lot better and I finally want to do things and get my life together, but the Adderall is not helping what so ever. I told her that I want to look at other medications, but I don't know what is best for me. \n She is a resident and told me that she needed to ask around, prescribed me 60 IR mg a day. I take 45 in the morning and 15 in the afternoon. \n\nLast Friday I spent all day organizing my room and I actually finished MOST of it. I have never done that. I was pretty confident about that, however this whole week I have been getting hyper focused ALL day. Like yesterday I made a to do list for myself and a schedule and I ended up spending all day on the computer at my desk, *rarely taking breaks* researching organization methods. Yesterday I spent all day deciding on a halloween costume. Like... ugh \n\n\n\n**Here is what pisses me off about adderall:**\n\n* Addictive AF : I freak out if I don't have it. The thought of switching meds and not having it and being stuck with new meds that don't work with nothing else. It makes me sleepy and moody if I don't take it, I also get nothing done. In the past I would run out and I would desperately ask my other ADD friends if I could have some of theirs, makes me sound like a druggy. \n\n* I think it may have effected my cognitive abilities. My memory is poor, I can't hear and see as well. Completing tasks is getting harder and harder \n\n* My body has aged. I am 24, have wrinkles under my eyes, dehydrated skin (I am a skincare junkie) sometimes I have woken up at 8 wired despite little sleep. XR use to give me acne. \n\n* It makes me dizzy and disoriented, especially at night. I don't work out anymore because its effected my body so much. I eat more now, but I am just pure skin and bones with some cushioning. \n\n* Sometimes I need to take caffeine with it, and sometimes it gives me panic attacks where I can't breathe and my heart pulsates, but they go away. \n\n* Makes my hyperfocus even worse sometimes \n\n* I am socially bland when I take it at times. \n\n* I get angered when people interupt me when I am doing stuff, like my BF called me during one of my hyper focus sessions a few days ago and I zoned out when he was telling me about his day. \n\n* Some days I am lightheaded on it \n\n* it makes me sweat like a mofo. It is 44 F degrees here and I started to sweat in my house when I blow dryed my hair. I had to turn on the air conditioning and my parents were like \"WTF\" \n\n\n\n**Why I am writing this**\nWell anyway, sorry for the long, disorganized story. I am at the point where I am just overwhelmed and frustrated and I don't know what to do. I have googled and researched how, I see a therapist but I don't think she knows much about ADHD and I still really struggle. I want to find an ADHD coach, but they are expensive, I can't afford it because I don't have a job, and my insurance (Medicaid) doesn't cover them. I don't know what tools work for me or what my learning type is because I never knew how to. My dang mother had to help me write my graduate school essay and I am 24!!!!!! \n\nWhat prompted me to write this was I was researching ADHD meds for people with ADHD-PI. Adderall has fucked up my body and I heard it ages you so quickly. I can't even work out when I am on it and I don't work out anymore. Thank god I am off the XR. I don't see myself ever going on that stuff again. \n\nAt this point, I am overwhelmed and I need help. I am typing this in hyperfocus, lol writing about my problems with hyperfocus while hyperfocused. \n\n My thoughts are too complex at times. Any resoures, guidance, encouragement, criticism... etc would help. \n\n\n\n**TL;DR**\n\nI wrote a summary of my journyI am finally wanting to do something about my ADHD - PI and be proactive, and I am overwhelmed and feel like I will never improve and I will live my life not being an adult, failing at my job, never finishing anything and not being responsible. I also don't want adderall to effect my body. \nAfter being severly depressed for a year and recovering from it, I feel like I am back to dealing with the issues I had before x 10. I meet with my psychiatrist again in a few weeks and I want to have a plan for medication etc. \n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Addiction psychiatrist here. You should probably show this post to your psychiatrist! ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9rxpnl", "comment_id": "e8klqa5"}, {"question": "Can Proton Pump Inhibitors be found in a blood test?", "description": "Age: 22\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 180\n\nWeight: 75\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\n\nCurrent medications: proton pump inhibitors / antacids\n\n\nCan you test for them, prove that a person has taken them?", "answer": "I cannot think of any circumstance in which anyone would care to test.\n\nThis sounds like you're worried about getting caught not taking them. Why?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fntyzz", "comment_id": "flbnvzd"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "The DSM changed its criteria between IV-TR and 5, so I'm not so familiar, but my understanding of Criterion A4 (repeated exposure to aversive details of traumatic events) indicates that the traumatic events have to be violence with threat of death or sexual violence, and they have to be repeated traumas. The examples given are first responders collecting human remains and police officers exposed to details of child abuse. I'm not sure what context you worked in, but unless you heard repeatedly the intimate details of the abuse I would say that's probably not traumatic stress.\n\nThis is not to minimize your symptomology or suffering. You sound like a very empathic person who is highly emotionally reactive. \n\nDon't forget, too, that you can't \"double dip\" with symptoms. If you have generalized anxiety disorder and major depression, those can account for many of the symptoms that you listed. Does it still sound like PTSD if you take out anything that can be attributed to your other conditions?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "cih1888"}, {"question": "5 minutes ago I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. It clicked and wouldn\u2019t fire. Talk to me please", "description": "I\u2019m still kind of in shock that actually happened. Anyone want to talk?", "answer": "Hi. I\u2019m here. I\u2019m glad you exist. I really can\u2019t tell you how relieved I am the gun didn\u2019t fire. Hello. It\u2019s nice to meet you! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ahfttt", "comment_id": "eee5o46"}, {"question": "I want it to stop", "description": "I want to stop feeling like shit everyday. I want to stop wanting to kill myself every time I'm alone. I want to sleep for more than two hours every goddamn night. I just want to feel mentally good for the first time since I was 12. Fuck.", "answer": "What are you doing to help make it stop? Are you in therapy? Are you developing healthy relationships? Are you doing self care? Are you reflecting on your daily struggles and successes to keep growing as a person and learning how to be a stable human being?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bxfga9", "comment_id": "eq6wxmz"}, {"question": "Is watching porn okay?", "description": "So I've been living with my girlfriend for 6 months now and all is going so so well. She works about an hour away on the train, and I work locally but I do sleep-ins, 3 days on 4 days off.\nWe still have a healthy sex life since moving in, which I'm very happy and relieved about.\nBut on my days off or if I'm bored whatever, it's nice to beat the meat/choke the chicken or whatever. The other day I have her my phone to google a recipe and the search bar popped up with pornhub and she confronted me about it, quite annoyed about the fact I had been watching porn. \nI'm kinda confused because I've always thought she knew, but didn't approach it almost like a taboo.\nIs it okay to watch porn in a relationship?", "answer": "both people have to be on the same page. not a matter of ok or not ok. it's one of the many things couples have to reach consensus on.it can be big in some relationships, like god/no god, or kids/no kids.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q7w9f", "comment_id": "dcx7t5v"}, {"question": "SNRI and recreational drugs", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 27 y/o male who's been dealing with depression and anxiety for 14 years now. 3 months ago I finally found the courage to visit a psychiatrist and I started taking 75 mg Argofan(venlafaxinum). I suppose I got lucky because it seems like it was a hit on the first try as I'm feeling so much better now. \n\nMy question is related to cocaine, I've tried it like three times before I started taking antidepressants and I was very cautious about mixing the ADs with anything else because I've read about serotonine syndrome. That said I wonder what would the safe approach be, If I wanted to take cocaine again (not talking about continuous drug abuse, it would be like once a year kind of thing). Would skipping two doses of the AD be enough to prevent excess of serotonine?\n\n My understanding is that venlafaxinum is pretty much completely out of the body 24 hours after taking it but I'm concerned about some long lasting effects it has on the central nervous system. The answer to my question is not particularly easy to google and I figured I would try to ask here for some insight before consulting my psychiatrist.", "answer": "This is a good question. Most of the literature examines SSRI interaction rather than SNRI interactions. It seems like an unsafe choice .\n\nStopping your SNRI for 2 days will not help and you may getting really bad side effects . \nMy concern is that if you got really sick , it may be hard to know right away if you are experiencing withdrawal or interaction, as there are some overlaps .\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/10743914/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4444546/\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3377381/", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fee95r", "comment_id": "fjvvkop"}, {"question": "Can human skin absorb enough water to stay safely hydrated?", "description": "This is about someone else: M 38 5'11\" 170ish. He says he's on a 48 hour \"dry fast.\" That means that not only does he not consume food, but he doesn't drink fluids as well. He also cannot bathe or shower or brush his teeth or come in any contact with water because it can be absorbed through the skin and defeat the purpose of the dry fast.\n\nMy question is less about the validity of this diet or my acquaintance's health (seems like a bad idea) and more about how much can our skin really absorb. Could a person stop consuming fluids and \"drink\" solely through their skin?\n", "answer": "Skin exists to be a barrier and absorbs very little. As a sort of test of concept, consider sitting in a sauna or, at an even greater extreme, a bathtub. Nobody ever gets water intoxication from absorbing too much, but people do become dehydrated because the heat of water triggers sweating. Fluid passes only one way through skin, and that way is out.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "96qxzu", "comment_id": "e42jrhx"}, {"question": "Grandma refuses to drink water. At our wits end.", "description": "**Age:** 85\n\n**Sex:** Female\n\n**Height:** 4'9\"\n\n**Weight:** 100 lbs\n\n**Race:** Asian\n\n**Duration:** 1 month \n\n**Location:** Lungs\n\n**Medical Issues:** Low blood sugar, has a colostomy bag, has a catheter, fractured spine, cannot walk, cannot swallow liquids, is currently only eating pureed foods\n\n**Medications:** N/A\n\n**Background:** My grandmother was recently discharged from the hospital (she was admitted to the hospital for a number of life threatening issues that have since been resolved). \n\n**Current Issues:** She is now at a nursing home and because she failed her swallow tests with the speech therapist at the hospital, the doctors told us that she is not able to drink water because she may aspirate and develop pneumonia. She has been given pureed foods and thickened water but she **absolutely** refuses to drink thickened water even though we told her it is necessary for her well-being and survival. For the past few days, I've been forcing half spoons of thickened water into her mouth but now she is starting to resist.\n\n**Question:** Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I can help keep her hydrated? Is it possible to hook her up to an IV at the nursing home (in the hospital, she tore out her IV by herself so I'm not even sure if that's useful). \n\nI hate seeing her like this. When she was admitted to the hospital, the doctors told us that they didnt think she'd survive but she beat the odds. I don't want her to develop complications from dehydration.", "answer": "This is when it's important to have a conversation with your grandmother and the whole family about what the goals are here. If she's miserable eating water, is that a life worth prolonging? Would it be preferable to run the risk of aspiration and serious illness or death? Would she want a feeding tube instead (I can't say that it's an option in her case, but it sometimes is). IV hydration? The current situation is not making her happy, and she should have a say in her care if she's able.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwis9", "comment_id": "e0elost"}, {"question": "Pain at the middle-bottom of my sternum, where diaphragm is. What is it?", "description": "Earlier this morning I started to sweat and I became very hot. I thought it was from hunger so I grabbed a sleeve of saltines and ate about half of the sleeve. A few moments after the bottom of my sternum started to hurt right where the diaphragm is. It hurts if I flex down towards that area. I think it may be muscular but I'm also concerned it may be gall stones due to my sweating earlier. What could it be?\n\nEDIT: I am 105 pounds, low cholesterol, 14 years old, male", "answer": "No idea. But youre 14, so it's probably nothing sinister, and id be surprised if youd already developed gallstones (assuming OK weight for your height and diet!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lptce", "comment_id": "dbxy15w"}, {"question": "When girls say they find confidence attractive, what do they actually mean by confidence?", "description": "What would be some examples of confidence they would find attractive?", "answer": "Confidence is essentially having the bravery to put yourself out there, be vulnerable, and courageous. \n\n\nWhat I mean by this is someone who doesn't let the fear of failure keep them from trying. This has to do with relationships both platonic and romantic, career, competition. \n\n\nThe people who try and fail, brush themselves off without ruminating over failures and get back in the ring are not the losers. The losers are the ones who never put themselves out their and let their fears control them. \n\n\nEveryone no matter how confident they appear has anxiety and a fear of failure. The confident folks are the ones who do what they want to do despite the anxiety. The less confident folks let their anxiety dictate their actions. \n\n\nThis Teddy Roosevelt quote sums it up nicely:\n\n\"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.\u201d", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b5nsp7", "comment_id": "ejfbgff"}, {"question": "Random \"manic\" like internal monologue.", "description": "I've wondered and googled this a lot but never seem to find the right answer. I often experience my inner monologue leading it's own life. nothing new right? Random thoughts and subjects , sound like adhd to me. \n\nBut when i'm off to mental limbo i sometimes catch my internal monologue mumbling like a crazy cat lady. For example when i just walked up the stairs i thought \"feeding my lantern was never easy, but when he gets admitted taking the bus will be a walk in the park.\" ehhhm.. what? \n\nthese thoughts go on continuously without ending a sentence, they're like a soft radio noise in the back of my head while my body is in auto pilot until i catch myself doing this. these random stories are much less ongoing when i take concerta. \n\nsometimes at the end of the day, after a night of barely sleeping it feels like my body goes on auto pilot and mind will join. and my conscious self is somewhere in the back of my head, coming back only to occasionally stir the wheel so i won't completely stop driving. \n\nhow many of you experience this? this thought mania of random words and sentences. are you feeding your lantern or is taking the buss already a walk in the park? ", "answer": "I think you may need a mental health eval. It's not out of the realm of ADHD, but it's definitely not normal either. Call your psychiatrist. Those 'radio noises' are something you should be looking into.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "4kfk8p", "comment_id": "d3ex80e"}, {"question": "21M, neurologist diagnosed pseudodementia which is often confused with true neurological dementia", "description": "21M 5'8\" 150lb Caucasian, Symptoms= memory loss & cognitive difficulties, heat intolerance, erectile dysfunction.\n\nSo 5 years ago I entered the hospital for the first time with complaints of memory loss and cognitive complaints, and since it has definetely become debilitating I am no longer able to work or study in college,I am gradually withdrawing from all aspects of my life in the past months I spend all my time indoors at my parents house.\n\nI went to one of the most qualified neurologists at the hospital and explained my symptoms, the neurologist went into very in depth explanation about Apathy and dementia. She explained that people with neurological disorders become apathetic, and lose interest in all activities because they have difficulty figuring out how to do an activity and lose motivation. So she recommended to my mom that I need to start more activities and make a schedule of daily goal oriented activities for my brain, which is what people with real dementia get recommended.\n\nThe problem is... well it's not pseudodementia the neurologist even said that I should be able to improve if I begin antidepressants and goal oriented activities daily, but I have been continuing to get worse very very consistently.\n\nI never get better every month there is a consistent deterioration in my symptoms there has never been an improvement it is completely real dementia and it is what I have known for years now.\n\nI have a real completely real neurological disorder for example= multiple sclerosis(just an example I can't know which disorder I have).\n\nI highly suspect multiple sclerosis because I have many symptoms which are common in MS, heat intolerance, memory problems, irritated vision", "answer": "The odds of having dementia in your twenties, regardless of the type of dementia, are minuscule. MS doesn't have highly classic symptoms because of its variability, but what you describe isn't a classic presentation, and in fact what would be expected is usually symptoms that appear and disappear.\n\nYou don't mention any diagnostic workup or any medications tried. What has been done about this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e60yqd", "comment_id": "f9nb6n2"}, {"question": "Struggling with social skills and stress.Any advice", "description": "I am a single eighteen year old.\nJobless, flatting and studying at university.\nWeekday daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning going to university for couple hours. See friends for a couple of hours, go home watch TV, play Xbox or games on my laptop then fall asleep listening to music. Weekend daily routine consists of waking up 11ish in the morning, watching movies, TV or playing Xbox or games on my laptop until evening where I will drink with friends and go out. \nFeeling very depressed recently and am not happy with my current lifestyle. \nI am boring. I am very self-conscious. No interests or hobbies I can relate to others with. I feel useless and sick of wasting my time. \nI am sick of being single. However I\u2019m so shy it\u2019s hard for me to meet new girls. I only feel comfortable with people after knowing them for a while and that\u2019s no good at a club. The only way I get a bit of confidence is when I drink. I can actually hold a conversation with new people I meet, when normally when I\u2019m sober I will struggle to hold a conversation. But I still won\u2019t have enough confidence to approach a girl. Even when I somehow manage to get with a girl once I\u2019ve sobered up I go back into my shell. I actually think my drinking\u2019s becoming a problem recently since I don\u2019t seem to be able to have fun at a pub or club unless I am drinking. It seems like i need it to have fun.\nI am not a very good people\u2019s person. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough around new people, until then I\u2019m socially awkward. I hate feeling this way and is a reason i don't look forward to working. I don\u2019t want to be forced to be in situations where I feel awkward for ages with co-workers or customers. It is also very hard to get a job for me without knowing people with my lack of job experience.\nI am quite short, only about 5\u201d7 possibly, and quite scrawny. Scared of being in a fight or hit. However I don\u2019t think I\u2019m that bad looking either. I have bad acne on my back and shoulders which I am very self-confident about though. I hate being short, having tiny arms and acne.\nI have wanted to take up boxing, to get over my fear of fighting and hopefully build self-confidence. Combined with exercise at the gym. I am currently too broke to do these and my lack of self-confidence makes me really out of place going to places like these, i won't know what im doing and usually too shy to ask for help. Plus my friends arent into gyms or boxing. I have also wanted to learn guitar and relearn the piano, but without both these instruments I cannot do this. I want something I am able to invest my time in and take my mind off life.\nI don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to friends about how bad I\u2019ve been feeling lately, especially after a mate recently announced to people he\u2019s depressed. I don\u2019t want to put my problems on friends and the few friends I am close enough to tell I don\u2019t see often since I\u2019m an hour away. It just seems to get more stressful for me the longer it goes on.\nI guess I want advice hopefully, possibly from people who have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. \n", "answer": "Thanks for sharing :) A few thoughts for you\n\n1) You should consider seeing a counselor. If you were sick you would go to a doctor, so if you are depressed you should see a therapist. They will help you with your depression and also with your confidence issues.\n2) It sounds like you are putting too much importance on finding a girl. Girls are nice but are not the only nice thing in life, and if you are fixated on meeting a girl then you will feel bad until that happens (which may not be for awhile). Find goals outside of meeting a girl and focus on them.\n3) You need to branch out and start adding new things to your life. Join a club, take a class in something you're interested in, go to a meetup event, visit a church, visit a museum, volunteer somewhere -- basically, do something that is outside of your routine where you will have the chance to learn and grow. Make a goal of doing one thing you've never done before, every week. Money may be an issue in some cases, but there are lots of free or low cost opportunities out there, and many places that charge will offer low-cost or free opportunities to students and people without much money (just ask!)\n4) Start running twenty minutes a day (or doing twenty minutes a day of some other kind of exercise.) If your body is not healthy then your emotions will not be healthy either. You're not trying to turn into Hercules or anything -- you just want to be in ok shape and get your blood flowing.\n5) Consider telling some of your friends about how you're feeling. If they are close friends and they care about you, hopefully they will respond with empathy and kindness. You should especially do this if the depression gets worse and you start considering harming yourself.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1guqxt", "comment_id": "cap95cx"}, {"question": "Writing a book, don't want to misrepresent mental health", "description": "I'm writing a fantasy book in which one of the characters suffers from PTSD. I'd like to make sure I'm treating the subject with the sensitivity it deserves and hopefully not spreading dangerous misinformation about the disorder. I do have a scene written in which a character has a traumatic flashback which is the focus of my request.\n\nWhat I am asking for is ways in which I can improve my handling of the issue, and any mistakes I'm making. I'll DM the google doc link to anyone offering their kind assistance on this matter.", "answer": "As both a reader and a therapist, I definitely recommend having a therapist read through your full draft once you are done! That goes double if you write any scenes that involve therapy at any point, which are often veeeeery painful to read. :)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hk8wh5", "comment_id": "fwvuyik"}, {"question": "I can't make meaningful connection with people", "description": "I've never really been a talkative person. When I was little I rarely spoke to people and still wouldn't speak a lot with the few friends I made. If a friend moved or I didn't see them much I would simply cut all contact, even if I started seeing them around more regularly both in and out of class; I would do my best to avoid them. This has continued for as long as I can remember but I have no idea why it started or why I keep doing it (habit maybe?).\n\nI am currently seeing psychologists and psychiatrists at my university to figure out what is wrong with me. At the moment, they don't have a clue. They first thought is was depression and or schizoaffective disorder but through many many sessions and some tests, they found that it was not the case. One doctor was looking into PTSD for violent nightmares and a lack of closeness with any members of my family but there's seemingly nothing there; no abuse, sexual or physical, no odd behaviors from them, and plenty of happy memories as child.\n\nI have plenty of good friends currently but none I can open up to. There's nothing wrong with them; they're not bad people, they don't spout off peoples' secrets to others. I just can't seem to find the ability to have more intimate conversations. This has also led to issues with relationships. I either can't start one or they simply to short (a few months short).\n\nWith me leaving college soon (a year and a couple months) and from what I've heard about how hard it is to meet people as an adult, I'm worried that I've past the point of no return and will not be able to have things like a family and life long friends or being able to live a normal life and I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do?", "answer": "I'm in a similar boat except based on what you wrote I think I put more effort into maintaining friendships. Since I struggle myself I definitely don't have all the answers, but I'll list some things. Having roommates can help, talking to people at work, and getting into a social hobby. If you want a family you could try online dating, although I haven't been a huge fan of that myself.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7s1llk", "comment_id": "dt1gpou"}, {"question": "Haven't smoked weed in 10 years now", "description": "I'm glad this reddit exists, just found it today. Here is my story FWIW\n\nI discovered pot my freshmen year in college. Got high listening to Rush...been a fan ever since. Dont think i would have been a fan without the pot, lol. \n\nSmoked on a regular basis depending on availability between ages 20 and 30. Between 20 and 30 i got married, had a kid, went to lawschool, passed bar and became lawyer. Also had two acute episodes of depression and anxiety and had to go on anti-depressants (each bout was about 6 months on ssri). \n\nDuring this 10 year period, weed was mostly a help, not a hindrance. It helped me cope with lawschool, life demands, long drives, and i took the bar high. It chilled me out which i did need. made me less high strung. As we all know, its a great escape from the drudgery and boredom that is Life. It makes listening to music an euphoric experience and food tastes better. Road trips are so much more fun too. \n\nOf course, no party lasts forever. Shortly after i began working at my first job as an attorney, I came home and did the usual with my husband-smoke some weed. Had a hard day at work and was looking to unwind. But for the very first time....i got a panic attack. I thought i was going to die. Heart racing, arms tingling, all the usual shit. \n\nMy weed intake dropped off but i didn't quit. I wouldn't spaz out everytime and it was unpredictable when i would. I recall locking myself in the bathroom and sitting in the bathtub with my then 4 year old banging on the door. Low moment. \n\nI chalked it up to job stress, then bargained with myself that i would only smoke on weekends. That worked...for a while. Then i started getting panic attacks during my weekend smoke time. \n\nThen, i moved to \"just a single hitter\" on the weekend. That was ok, for awhile. Then it wasn't ok. \n\nThe long and short, is that when i was 33, i had mostly quit. Also quit the evening coffee and went down to one cup. We had the second kid, and my sleep schedule was terrible, my job was terrible and i had been suffering from insomnia and depression. In desperation, i smoked some of my husband's pot in an effort to sleep...and ended up in the parking lot of the emergency room. After that episode, I went on SSRI for a year, and ended up on benzos for 3 years. Haven't smoked since. Funny enough, when i left that job (after 5.5 years), within 2 weeks i fell alseep without the benzos and have been off them every since...6 years now :)\n\nFor me, the pot stopped being a fun time, an escape, a mood enhancer. It kicked me in the face over and over again. I fondly recall when pot was fun, and its like another lifetime ago. Maybe it will be fun again, who knows, but I'm not willing to try it because the mental angst of those panic attacks were awful. ", "answer": "I quit smoking pot because I got thirsty for beer when I smoked it and once I started drinking I went out of control. To stop drinking and stay stopped I had to quit pot. It\u2019s been 39 years since I quit and as far as I can tell I haven\u2019t missed anything.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8w56uq", "comment_id": "e1twe23"}, {"question": "Took a hepatitis B titer test. Results say I am nonreactive. What does this mean?", "description": "I am trying to job shadow at a hospital and one of the things they need is a Hep B titer test. The results came back and it says that I am nonreactive. Can I please get an explanation as to what this means? Will the hospital still let me shadow if I am not immune to Hep B?\n\nAge: 17\n\n Sex: Male\n\nHeight: 5' 5''\n\nWeight: 120 lbs\n\nRace: Asian\n\nNon smoker", "answer": "Nonreactive means negative, but what that means depends on the exact test. If your hepatitis B surface antibody (anti-HBs) is non-reactive then probably they won't want you to shadow until you have immunity. If you had a nonreactive *antigen* result in a full hep B panel then all it means is that you don't have an infection. It's the anti-surface antibody that conveys and proves immunity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "95qik8", "comment_id": "e3up5jm"}, {"question": "What is the best brand of foundation to use?", "description": "I\u2019m looking for something full coverage and that\u2019s good for oily skin. I just want to cover up as much of this shadow/skin imperfections as possible! Does anyone have any recommendations? ", "answer": "L'oreal Pro Matt Foundation. Its $10 and works better than almost anything I've tried. There are a few higher end ones that others have mentioned, but for the best value this one wins, hands down. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI also follow Nikkia Joy on Youtube, she is a make up artist who has incredibly oily skin. She does 15 hour wear tests on foundations, showing how they work on oily skin. She also has some great videos on how to get whatever make up you're wearing to stay longer. I use thin layers of setting spray, finishing powder, primer, foundation, finishing powder, and finishing spray. And it has really helped my make up wear.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9ccs8w", "comment_id": "e5adhqc"}, {"question": "I've lost everything and I have no idea what to do", "description": "In the past 3 weeks my life has complete fallen apart. It started 3 weeks ago(2 days before my birthday) when my wife told me she was unhappy and wants a divorce. I wanted to try and fix things but she said it was impossible. Over the course of our 4 years together she said she's grown to dislike being around me. Finds me annoying and boring. She says she still loves me, but can never be in love with me again. Our lease ends in 6 weeks, so we don't have a lot of time to divide everything up. But, she's definitely taking our dog.\n\nLess than a week later, I was t-boned leaving work. I suffered a concussion(including memory loss) and multiple bruised ribs. It causes me extreme pain even to breathe. Plus, my car was completely totaled. I had to miss multiple days of work. Considering I need to move into a new place by June, is especialy bad.\n\nAnd to finish off my 3 week hell, 2 days ago, my best friend(who I've know for 25 years and was planning on rooming with), decided to text my wife and ask her if she'd want to hook up now that we're divorcing. The fucked up thing is he was one of the only people I had talked to about getting divorced so far. I trusted him and talked to him about everything. After that, I told him to never speak to me again.\n\nI didn't know it was possible to lose so much so quickly. I'm in so much pain, both physical and mental. I have nothing left. I have absolutely no idea what to do anymore. I'm so lost", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through this. Unfortunately, breakups and divorces are painful. I\u2019ll tell you one thing, I\u2019d fight for that dog! If you really love that dog and want to take care of it, put your foot down. As an animal owner and lover, my pet has helped me through a lot of difficult times. \n\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "8by432", "comment_id": "dxand07"}, {"question": "Expert trauma therapists only for the wealthy?", "description": "Trauma therapist out of reach at 350 for 45 minutes.\n\nI am so disappointed. It is so very difficult to find an expert complex trauma therapist. I finally found one that I clicked with and she really sounded perfect for me with expertise that has been almost impossible to find. Then the out of network and 450 for the fist hour and 350 for 45 minutes. It is heartbreaking. There is no way with two kids in college I can afford this. I feel hopeless. So many say they have trauma experience but in NY state (upstate) they are non existent.", "answer": "I'm so sorry to hear this. That is really expensive. \nIs online therapy an option for you? It may open up more geographic options.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gw5hzv", "comment_id": "fssypt8"}, {"question": "Seizure?", "description": "I'm pretty sure that I had a seizure while I was in jail last night. My psychiatrist has mentioned temporal lobe epilepsy to me and I'm seeing him next week. I've never had anything like a \"true\" seizure though there have been some pretty weird behaviours. Personally I think it's bipolar though I am coming around to the idea that it might be a subtle seizure disorder instead of a mood disorder.\n\nI'm not looking for an in depth psych opinion... but how to you tell seizure from mania apart?", "answer": "Were you conscious throughout the experience? As the other commenter says, youll need to give us a detailed account of what happened before/during/after. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5nvhb5", "comment_id": "dceyr2r"}, {"question": "Not that I'm up to it yet, but has anyone tried doing Step 9 (making direct amends, ect) with someone who abused them?", "description": "To refresh your memory the step says: \"9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.\"\n\n\nOur relationship was fucked up and I'm stuck thinking that if I EVER did Step 9 with them they would just take my apology/amends and RUN with it and use it as a way to continue pointing the finger and all the blame and guilt at me. I'm sure it'll get easier once I get through more of the steps, but right after the meeting on this step I was like 'how the fuck would I ever do that?!'", "answer": "They're in order for a reason. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. A good sponsor will help you recognize that we often deal with people just as sick as ourselves, but their conduct is not in our control. What is in our control is righting the wrongs that we created in an attempt to run on self will. That is where our release from alcoholism comes, that we swept our side of the street. If our sobriety was dictated by how a person reacts to our amends a lot of people would be drunk right now.\n\nThere's a lot more I could say, but for now work on the step you're on, deal with step nine when you've made your eighth step list.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "26nuy6", "comment_id": "chssjse"}, {"question": "Debating admitting myself to an inpatient mental facility.", "description": "I'm really stressed out. Between not pissing my dad off, having to ignore my mother for 23 and a half hours out of the day, being worried my dad and I are gonna lose the house, finding a job in time to not lose the house, I feel like I have more than I can handle. AND! On top of that, I've been hanging out with my best friend/ex-boyfriend a lot and I still have ungodly strong feelings for him (and he knows).\n\nEvery night I've been crying myself to sleep, without fail. I start thinking things I shouldn't think, like things I've done in the past, or playing situations in my head that either don't exist, or have happened and ended with a bad consequence. Or trying to replay the situation and acting differently.\n\nI am by no means sane. According to my doctors, I'm on the cusp of being a successful member of society or being in an asylum. I'm trying SO HARD to not be a psychopath.\n\nI've been considering admitting myself to an inpatient mental treatment program but I just don't know if it's a good idea. I've been in a program before, and it worked to some degree, but obviously not enough. I don't know if going again would be what I need or if it wouldn't help me at all.", "answer": "Don't worry- you're not a psychopath, you're just dealing with some severe anxiety. Doesn't make you a bad or broken person, just that you need help.\n\nAlso- hospitalization is only to get you stable- to ensure a basic level of functioning and that you're not a danger to yourself. For it to be effective, it needs to be followed up by outpatient therapy.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "tarqt", "comment_id": "c4m7qm5"}, {"question": "Driving me crazy", "description": "Me 29M, her 35,\n\nSingle for quiet a long time, a good few years.. \n\nWas talking to this girl who was married for 9 years, divorced couple of years ago, she's got 2 kids older one is 10. she's had a few relationships after her divorce. She did tell me she's got remnants of her ex which she's trying to move on from.. she also said that there's nothing between them anymore.. but she keeps in touch with her ex's as she says she doesn't like breaking ties as they were good friends once. I started liking her since I saw her first time. We were good friends until I felt the need of telling her how I would want to get along with her as in get married to her. I understand she's been through divorce and dealt with few breakups. But what she did a week before made me think about moving on with her. She spent whole weekend with her ex.. tho she said everythings finished between them. It's just friendship. we didn't promise relationship or marriage to each other yet. But we were talking about it. I don't know how I can deal with this situation. She tells me she likes me once and the next moment she says she don't see any future of us together.. it's more like I can't be with her knowing the fact that she's still involved with her ex and I can't be without her as this is the only thing I ever wanted to happen. Have her in my life. ", "answer": "you have to let go if she's involved with her ex.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kmtz7", "comment_id": "dbp44bf"}, {"question": "Need help with getting the most put of therapy?", "description": "So I've been to two therapist in my life. One was male who I opened up to right off the bat. The second one was female. I wasnt quite sure how to open up to her. Idk if it was their gender or their personalities but i felt like i got way more accomplished with the first one. Im not at the same facility anymore and idk what to do. Im not sure what is appropriate to talk about with them and Im not sure whats too big or too small to talk about. And i feel like they are bsing me sometime. I plan to go back to the second one but im.not sure how that would work. There are other options i believe but i dont want to waste anymore time than i have. How can I get the most out of therapy?", "answer": "My general rule is to give a therapist 3 sessions. If after the 3rd, you don't feel like you're getting much out of it, either have the conversation with the therapist or look to move on to a different therapist. \n\n\nSome therapists may be great, but not necessarily a great fit for you and as frustrating as it can be, sometimes you have to shop around until you find one that works for you. \n\n\nGenerally, we're willing to work with you on whatever issues you present. For both your own wellbeing and the relationship you have with your therapists, it's generally better to get to know them before discussing any severe traumatic experiences in detail, but short of that, anything and everything is fair game, so long as you're comfortable talking about it. \n\n\nI would say when self-reflecting, either talking about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else or talking about things that you really want more unbiased/objective feedback on is a good way to use therapy. With the latter though, keep in mind, good therapists aren't going to just give you straight up advice or tell you what to do, but help you figure out the best path for yourself. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91u1q3", "comment_id": "e30uv2z"}, {"question": "Being 34, how do I make friends?", "description": "I have a group of 4 or 5 that I thought were friends, but the more I think about they are just acquaintances, we chat a little bit, but not about anything real, they never ask me to hang out, only do things when I initiate, and even then it's just small talk with no substance for the most part. \n\nI've known half of them for 20+ years, and they will go days between messages even.\n\nI'd go for someone that I can just chat with consistently at this point, but would like a couple friends, and better yet a couples friend too that we can invite over to play risk or whatever. \n\nBut I have no idea how to go about this? ", "answer": "Find a subculture and get involved. Board games, knitting, ceramics, cooking, rock climbing, running, slacklining, painting, singing, dancing.. some activity or hobby that you really dig. The more you dig it the better. Find a group that meets regularly to engage in this activity (at least 1-2x/week) and show up consistently. The more passionate you are about the activity, the more you're naturally and easily gonna get close to the people around you. The \"making friends\" part at that point won't require much effort. \n\nEdit- Posted this before reading the comments, seeing now that pretty much everyone else is saying the same thing. You know what you need to do. Good luck", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7kjqca", "comment_id": "drf4pu7"}, {"question": "Getting tested for ADD next wednesday, one question before that...", "description": "Sorry for possible grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.\n\nI'm currently studying mechatronics on my 6\u00b0 semester of college, and lately I've been getting more and more aware of certain behaviours that have caused me issues the last couple years which I think might be related to an attention disorder. \n\nI have already scheduled and appointment for a diagnosis so before I get a definite answer I wish to know: \n\n\"Is it even possible for me to get an engineering related degree, specially mechatronics?\".\n\nI'm not precisely someone who can put much effort into difficult things and there's nothing else special about me so each time i think about this it just seems impossible. If any of you have similar experiences I would be happy to read about them", "answer": "I am one semester away from getting my Masters in Clinical Psychology. If you are passionate and enjoy it, you will excel. My masters has about 400 applicants and 21 positions (based on life experience, job experience, and personality). Most people apply years in a row. I got it first time around. This was after getting into my honours (based on grades). If I can do this, you can do what you have a desire for.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b22gpz", "comment_id": "eiq2u1x"}, {"question": "Do doctors not take case reports seriously?", "description": "My mom is in her early 60s and around 5'2\". We went to her primary care doctor and an ENT for her symptom of a burning tongue. Primary care doctor basically said he didn't know how to treat it and prescribed prilosec for acid reflux. ENT basically said there is no cure and said to try Zantac. \n\nI came across this case report of a woman around the same age who had very similar symptoms.\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4401976/ \nTurns out she had HSV-1. \n\nWe brought this up to both docs and they refused to test for it. ", "answer": "Not my field. In general, case reports need to be taken seriously but with a few grains of salt. They're not solid evidence to make medical decisions with. They're not *no* evidence, and if you have nothing else that's what you use, but they're not the best.\n\nIn this case I'm not sure. Testing for HSV-1 or trying treatment seems like a relatively low-risk option. But doctors are only human and don't like to be caught being ignorant, even of a single case study. They might just be doubling down on an original decision even if it's wrong to avoid admitting that they didn't know.\n\nI don't have the full story, of course. There may be good reason for what they're doing. But there isn't always.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b2ojn", "comment_id": "dx3ity1"}, {"question": "Huge Mood Swings", "description": "I am 16, Male \nSo I noticed a few months from now I started having lots of mood swings\nBasically what would happen was that sometimes I would \"being on the top of the world and nothing could bring me down\" feeling though I felt very *irritated* if someone told me to do some work or something. Sometimes I was too depressed/anxious, hating my life, my family etc (though I never had suicidal thoughts) and even a tiny thing like what someone said would make me anxious and sad, I have also seen that being a little hungry made me be a little happy and being too hungry usually worsened the anxiety \nI attributed these mood swings to puberty but these mood swings are worsening, sometimes to the point I can't study due to me being in a too good mood or too bad mood. \nAlso I sometimes very rarely tend to have a blank kind of phase, where the normal thing that made me happy (like thinking about my crush or playing the new game I brought) does not effect me and the sad feeling went away too, I ignored them because I think it is puberty but yesterday my facial muscles kind of trembled when I was trying to smile, I don't think it was due to the cold. \n***Please tell me is this a normal thing in puberty or if I need help Also I don't want to tell my parents until I am certain because they make a fuss about it and in the end the only response i get is \"you think too much because you watch all these movies and shows and stuff\"*** \nP.S. I think my father has thes mood swing too (I am not certain) and I had a kind of a tough and a bit abusive childhood (although it's gotten better now)", "answer": "To clarify - how long does the elation or irritability last - minutes/hours/days before changing?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5j5di0", "comment_id": "dbe35e0"}, {"question": "[22/m] Scared of dates losing their luster.", "description": "Me and my girlfriend have had trouble in the past, but recently I realized one of my own personal failings is that I didn't put enough emotion in to the relationship. I rarely enforced the idea that I loved her and I always thought that saying it once was enough. So recently when we went to the movies and noticed that Tuesdays were 5$ movie night, she said we should see more movies. I told her we could make Tuesday date night and go see a movie every week if she wanted to. She seemed really for it.\n\nMY question is, how do I keep this from getting stale? So far we have really enjoyed it and cuddle during the movie and whisper and have fun, but I'm scared that over time the idea of going out every single week won't have the same charm for us. ", "answer": "stale is what you feel, not what you do. just have fun, and if it's not, then do something else.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63vkl4", "comment_id": "dfxeq4r"}, {"question": "I dont think I have a tail bone!", "description": "Hi, I'm a 22 year old white British female in a healthy weight range and no major health issues that I know of! Basically as the title says I think I was born without a tail bone, my mum has mentioned this in the past but said that the doctors never really looked into it when I was a child. I've had a little Google and can't seem to find anything about not having a tail bone so I have no idea if it's something I should bring up on my next GP visit. I've always had issues with my hips since I can remember, If I walk a long distance I get a feeling like my hip isn't quite in the right place, sometimes quite painful, and sometimes feels like it 'pops'. It's honestly hard to explain. Also I have two deep dimples about an inch above where my tail bone/spine appears to end which have been there since I was a baby. I have no idea whether the hip issues and dimples are related to not having a tale bone (I can take pics if it would be helpful). I have had a feel of the area on several occasions and it feels completely different to my OH (who has a completely normal tale bone) more like a rounded stump with no sort of curve inwards. Is this something I should be worried about? Should I consult my GP or will I just sound like an idiot?", "answer": "It sounds... unlikely. You never know - your GP will have your childhood records anyway. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9kt17i", "comment_id": "e71mj3i"}, {"question": "M25 F21", "description": "Me and this girl have been seeing each other an our sex life and problems are being voiced to her friends, and her friends are telling her to ask me for space in which I am, I've only texted her once to tell her hope she had a good day no response, I came on a bit strong as we've only been seeing 2 months and told her I was terrified of losing her. I ignored her last message which seemed like a cry for help, but i was at work and got off around 3am so didnt feel the need to respond. She wants space, but also said she doesnt wanna stop talking, she really likes me and cares about me ( both of those were texts out of the blue) and she said shes not breaking it off she just needs space. I just need advice on how to proceed, I like this girl within the first two weeks ive met her parents which according to her took a shine to me.", "answer": "she's contradicting herself. i would keep other opportunities open as she's mixed up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6barhw", "comment_id": "dhl30gh"}, {"question": "What's your perspective on people who are mostly \"fine\" in therapy?", "description": "Hey, I just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses CBT. I have thought about this off and on for a while (I'm 30) because I know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also I feel like I don't have anything too serious to talk about: \n\n--I feel like I have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- I don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (I think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle).\n\n-- In general, I wish I was more confident and had better self esteem. \n\n-- I'm going back and forth right now about whether I'm happy in my long term relationship. \n\n--I am moody more often than I'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way. \n\nI guess I just feel like I'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. Overall my life is good. I don't have trauma, or clinical depression (I don't think). I'm curious about your perspectives on this. Thanks!", "answer": "Although I get folks coming at me with the torches and pitchforks on here for saying this, I think it's important if not necessary to have goals for therapy going in. I don't think how severe your symptoms are or issues are have anything to do with whether you should be in therapy or shouldn't. If you have things you want to work on or try to get more insight into, have a fairly clear idea (and from what you posted you certainly do), then you're a perfect candidate for therapy.\n\n\nThe only issue I've had for some clients is when they've come in, say they want to be in therapy, but continuously say there's nothing bothering them, nothing wrong, and can't identify what they actually want to get out of therapy.... and then for this to go on for several sessions. At a certain point, it feels like I'm just stealing their money even though many would be more than happy to keep forking it over without us actually doing therapy. \n\n\nOne common saying I find myself using with a lot of folks though is \"Everyone's crazy. It's just a matter of what way and how much. If you are able to accept that and have some idea of what way and how much, you're 10 steps ahead of all the people out there who think they've completely got their shit together.\" I'm a firm believer in this. I think everyone can benefit from therapy. They just have to have some idea of what they're hoping to get out of it. \n\n\nIt sounds like you've got that figured out though! I hope you find someone who's a really good fit for you! Best of luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1he67", "comment_id": "ereqvn7"}, {"question": "Laws re: accessibility in hotels", "description": "Hi all,\nI\u2019m hoping it\u2019s ok to ask these questions here. Short background: I have a moderate physical disability that makes using stairs painful, exhausting, and at times impossible. I reserved a room at hotel after seeing some rooms labeled \u201csecond floor\u201d on the website, and others without label. I maybe stupidly assumed the non-labeled rooms were first floor. It turned out to be a second floor room and there was no elevator. i returned to the check in area when I realized this to request a refund, but no one was there and no one returned for 45 minutes. I left after 45 minutes, leaving a VM on the hotel\u2019s phone # and also sending them and email. In both, I explained the situation and why I left, and requested a refund since I couldn\u2019t access the room. They emailed back about 12 hours later and denied my request. Should I push back? Are they required to note that a room is entirely handicap inaccessible (second floor, no elevator) in advertising or during booking? Are they just kind of assholes but within their legal rights? What would you do? \nI am somewhat newly disabled and have never encountered anything like this.", "answer": "Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you for the info and kindness. I\u2019m realizing that there\u2019s going to be a pretty steep learning curve as I re-enter society bit by bit. I retried the whole hotel stay thing again yesterday because I was worried it would become a big thing in my head and I\u2019d never do it again. I went to a chain hotel and called ahead - completely different experience, everyone was kind and helpful. Kindness makes such a humongous different in these situations, huh?", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "caf6f5", "comment_id": "et9pway"}, {"question": "How do you cope/self care?", "description": "As this is a mental health sub, with a diverse community of people who care about their mental health.....\n\nI wanted to know how different people practice mental health self care. Do you have any daily/weekly practices for your mental health? Do you have ways of noticing when you need some extra self love? \n\nIf you have diagnoses, feel free to share those too, and the things you do to specifically cope with your mental health disabilities. I find these topics especially interesting.\n\nComment them! I'd love to try different ways of caring for myself, and I think it would be a cool reference for anyone else who wants to do the same. \n\nMay you all have a wonderful day! ", "answer": "As a therapist it's completely necessary to take regular stock of my own mental/emotional health. I have a ton of coping skills I alternate between depending on what I need and what's convenient. Here's just a few:\n\n* 1. Playing guitar/singing\n* 2. Cooking\n* 3. Video games\n* 4. Writing/blogging\n* 5. Playing D&D w/ friends\n* 6. Talking it out with my wife.\n* 7. Listening to music\n* 8. Reading fiction\n* 9. Taking a very long very hot shower\n* 10. Playing with or cuddling my cat\n\n\nI've been diagnosed with ADHD. I went undiagnosed and untreated (medically) until I was 31. Honestly, meds have been the most important thing to help me cope. Aside from that, using a planner consistently, making lists with check boxes for very short term manageable goals, and keeping track of my diet (making sure I'm not skipping meals).\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9iv38m", "comment_id": "e6mo7gr"}, {"question": "Need some advice. Should I find a new psychiatrist? Was she doing the right thing?", "description": "I seriously don't believe i have bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist didn't even ask many questions. She literally was like so why are you here and i said for a psych eval. First of all she didn't talk for like 5 minutes and was on her computer typing away and then she said that. I had to figure out what to tell her and it was never in order. It was like everywhere and i have horrible memory in general plus i haven't slept for so damn long so it was even worse. Thankfully, i brought my 16 page diary and she said she didn't have time to read it and didn't want to take it and read it after the intake or when she was off work. She didn't give me anything for the anxiety and worrying that i do. I think i should've just got prozac and that's it.I don't even think i have symptoms of bipolar disorder. She said the anxiety, the worrying, the excessive spending, and the seeing things or hearings or thinking someone is coming after me is a part of bipolar disorder. She said i have bipolar with psychotic features. I'm gonna get a second opinion. I think she just wanted to give me something to get her money's worth.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI have a horrible time telling people my issues unless im directly asked. I thought she was gonna ask all the questions the social worker asked 2 days ago. She didn't even ask me if i was having suicidal thoughts but i told her after we were sort of done. She just didn't seem like she cared but just wanted to push pills on me. I mainly went to see her because I haven't slept well or at all for the past 25 days and because I had severe episodes of panic within a week and ended up in the hospital twice because of it. I have been seeing stuff and have been paranoid but its not the same as it has been in the past. Should I look for another psychiatrist? I waited for so long to see her and she didn't seem as well rounded or professional.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nShe even asked me how to spell some medications that I'm allergic to. I told her I'm using CBD and she said cannabis and i said no it's cannabidiol and she couldn't spell it. I just think she half assed her job and didn't really care. She barely looked at me in the beginning until she started asking some questions and then gave me a diagnosis. This was obviously an intake and I was there I think for maybe an hour or a little bit less. Waited to see her for 10-15 minutes. I was also on time. Then the receptionist tells me I can't be more than 5 minutes late because she's seeing patients back to back. But it's okay for her to be 15 minutes late???! Like wtf. Anyway, I would like to get some advice from a psychiatrist specifically but input from other doctors are welcome.\n\n&#x200B;\n\np.s.- Forgot to mention that she prescribed me risperidone and trileptal. Would like some advice on whether I should take them or not. Also,forgot to mention that they accidentally gave me a psychiatrist who only sees adolescents. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age: 25\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5'1 1/2\n* Weight: 90 lbs\n* Race: Asian\n* Duration of complaint: a day or two\n* Location (Geographic and on body): N/A\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): ADHD, Anxiety, high blood pressure\n* Current medications (if any): Chlorthalidone 12.5mg, Xanax 0.25mg, Ativan 0.5mg\n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)", "answer": "If you're asking us whether or not you have bipolar disorder, I'd say I don't know.\n\nYou told us a lot about what she did, but little about your complaints and what brought you to her. \n\nI can tell that you feel like the conversation you had was not pleasant, and I am sorry for that. Hopefully your relationship with her will improve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chmycz", "comment_id": "euvkx30"}, {"question": "Can we talk about how learning how to drive with ADHD is debilitating af?", "description": "I know everyone doesn't have the same experience across the board, but a lot of people with ADHD I meet got their drivers license later.\n\nI'm 28, I still don't have mine. From a combination of loathing learning all the little things, trying to keep concentration while on the road, needing instructions to be more clear and ahead of time while driving with my parents, getting into fights with my parents about their teaching style, both of us mutually abandoning it because it was causing too much stress, the highschool driving instructor I had who's teaching style worked very well with my learning style took a long leave of absence so I couldn't hire him as a driving instructor\n\nAND THEN\n\nNot realizing how not having my license for years would add up in jobs I couldn't get(who's pay was always higher than the retail jobs I was working) because I needed to drive a work vehicle or the workplace was over an hour by bus but only 20 mins by car. \n\nI'm reflecting on this now because of corona, and the jobs I could apply for easily if I had a license, and oh yeah a vehicle. Never tried to get jobs with higher wages so I could \"save up for a car,\" I don't have a license, so why would I be thinking about that???\n\nPeople make fun of me when they find out I don't have a driver's license at 28, and I ramble off some excuses that are partially true, but also I just had unmanaged ADHD as a teen, and overworked parents(who probably also have ADHD) who didn't push me too hard to follow up on it or explain why it was tedious but super useful to get it done then.\n\nAt least I can relate to the I'm gay and can't drive memes????", "answer": "Yep! I tried to get my licence when I was 17 and couldn't. I joined the military soon after and got my license while serving because I did a week long driving course that did high intensity driving 12 hours a day for five days. \n\nOne hour a fortnight was never going to work.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jy0kpv", "comment_id": "gd0rdju"}, {"question": "I took part in a BPD research study and just found a the PDF of a presentation that the center and my therapist made. I feel crushed and ghoulish.", "description": "I saw my therapist for 1.5 years. I thought she was great in many ways, and what allowed much of that was her pulling the mask off of me, my bs and the narrative I have made for therapists (and ultimately myself). Also, unlike other therapists I had before, she didn\u2019t have to protect her ego and prove herself to me. It was rough, and I often stirred up storms to deflect what was beneath. All sessions were videotaped so I think I was never truly able to feel like I could expose myself, though the extent that I did was a lot even for me. I always had a problem with her not really being in my life. A \u201cstrange\u201d issue I often have with therapists, but especially her, as I was aware of wondering what it would be like to have had her for a mother.\n\nUltimately my therapy ended with her because the research study did. I could not afford her and I spent the last months trying to make her feel guilty about that, desperately believing she would keep me on as a charity case. \n\nI had a terrible day yesterday and was unable to sleep because of caffeine and anxiety. I have tried to lay off the google searches of people. I was about to Facebook search my ex but nipped in the bud. I told myself looking at my old therapist was benign. I don\u2019t know what I thought I\u2019d come across. The center the study was a part of releases books and articles and I told myself I\u2019d never look at those, since I knew I would be hurt if something was reminiscent of myself.\n\nWell, one of the top google searches was a Narcissim presentation PDF from a conference a month after my treatment ended with her. What sums it up is betrayal. I believe that it wasthe primary researchers who wrote this up, she being a therapist and not primarily a researcher, but of course I believe that part of the insights must have come from her. As I read, I was horrified by the resemblance to my sessions\u2014the so called \u201cshy narcissist\u201d with borderline organization (whatever that last one means). And then a term came up. My heart sank when I saw it. I somehow knew it had relevance to me, I just wasn\u2019t sure how. I looked up what turned out to be a Freudian concept and I couldn\u2019t believe there was his term for something that was a theme in our sessions. Learning a phrase for a concept I thought was uniquely mine, and folding it into how I am not just being paranoid about this PDF. And then on top of that some of the bullet points in this PFF were \u201cpatient trying to learn theories [psych]\u201d \u201coveranalysis of therapist\u2019s comments\u201d and \u201cparanoia.\u201d I know I was a grade A student with the first two items, and the last one is like telling me \u201chaha just because they are after you, don\u2019t mean you\u2019re not paranoid.\u201d\n\nThe worst part is I was obviously yearning for her by searching for her today. And then to find this out I truly want to hate her but all I really want is for her to be my therapist again so I could work through this and be a better patient (funny enough, \u201cpatient needing to know \u2018value\u2019\u201d of session came up, and on a few occasions I half-jokingly would ask for her to rate the session at the end, as if I were trying to perfect the sessions). :\u2019(\nMy current therapist seems to know a lot about me through speaking with her, but he\u2019s young and it just is not the same. I feel as though he analyzes me like I\u2019m a piece of literary work, not a person, and that he allows me to indulge the same.\n\nEdit: I just want to say that things are not as bad as they seem. I found an old paper from this research group that reiterated many of these comments. It still hurts to know that this was the lens I was viewed with. I shouldn\u2019t be surprised as I had come across their papers and books even before I began treatment there.", "answer": "Trying to guilt someone into liking with you makes you kind of an asshole, and you should recognize that. Bpd or not. I struggle to be aware and conscious of manipulating people and when I recognize it I would feel awful and try to work on that. To do it purposefully, well that is a bit narcissistic ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8n76fb", "comment_id": "dztb7n8"}, {"question": "Is NET a legitimate and scientific form of therapy?", "description": "My gf recently started this type of therapy for past trauma and she has been apparently feeling better from it (which is what matters in the end i suppose). I've tried to find out more about it and it seems somewhat \"new age\" and a lot of references to it are on homeopathy blogs. \n\nIs this a legit form of therapy or is it pseudo science? I'm not gonna bother her about it either way (its working) but for my own peace of mind i would like to know.", "answer": "https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-29920-003\n\nThis study found it was helpful in cancer patients .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fg160e", "comment_id": "fk8ozig"}, {"question": "Laid Off After 19 Years", "description": "As the title says I was laid off on May 31st after 19 years with the same company. I was also diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago but have been unmedicated due to medicine not being approved by a combination of my primary care and a psychologist. I have been waiting for my wife's insurance to kick in so I can go back to therapy. \n\nEvery day for the past two weeks I have been having total breakdowns daily, usually it comes from being completely overwhelmed with too many simultaneous tasks and my brain having to make order of all of them before I proceed and not being able to. I just come to a complete stop. I have made no progress since my last day of work to obtain new employment. A couple of networking meetings with acquaintances but that is about it. Any tools or strategies for some temporary relief for my overwhelmed ADHD brain until insurance kicks in again?", "answer": "I obviously can\u2019t say anything diagnostic or make treatment recommendations based off of a Reddit post, but you might consider that your recent emotional disturbances aren\u2019t just due to ADHD. Being laid off after 19 years at the same company is a huge life event, and it will likely take some time to process and understand what kind of impact it may be having on you. Difficulty concentrating, lacking motivation, and feeling sad/down are also symptoms of depression. Again, I of course could never diagnose you, but it does seem relevant that these feelings/symptoms have increased and become more disruptive to your life since you left your job. \n\nI would encourage you to be as kind, patient and gentle with yourself as you can, recognize that you\u2019re going through a major change in your life, and consider that there is probably going to be a period of adjustment to this change, during which you may experience a variety of emotions - and that all of this is perfectly normal and to be expected. Even positive life changes, like getting married or having a child, are to some degree disruptive and stressful. Humans like habit and predictability, and find change difficult. I think getting back into therapy would be to your benefit. While you are waiting, perhaps you could let trusted friends and family know what you\u2019re experiencing and ask for support. At the very least, that will mean that you aren\u2019t alone in this, and that knowledge alone can be a huge comfort. \n\nAs far as concrete steps you can take right now, there are self help type workbooks that you could use. A common technique therapists use to address motivation and encourage behavioral changes is called behavioral activation. It\u2019s a component of CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. I\u2019ve not personally used a workbook specific to this topic, but it might be worth looking into. I did a quick search and found this one:\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Depression-One-Step-Time/dp/1572243678/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=behavioral+activation+workbook&qid=1561663844&s=gateway&sprefix=behavior+acti&sr=8-1", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4bfo5", "comment_id": "es75gqe"}, {"question": "Stunned by doctors giving up - wife and i are desperate", "description": "Ill try to summarize a long story very short here. My wife is 28, 5 foot 6'' tall, about 130 pounds, hispanic. when she was 21 she (and i) got an extremely nasty virus - this may or may not be revelant. It appears to have been a nasty case of mono, although we're not totally sure - we have tossed around the idea of parasites but as of now its just guessing games. we were both down and out for a month. i developed confusing insomnia and neurological issues, she developed GI issues. either way, within a month my wife's stomach started killing her, heavy distension, bloating, constipation blending with loose stool depending on the day. we talked to doctors, i was very concerned - the distension could get as bad as 7-8 months pregnant quite frequently and there were very few days where her stomach was ever in good shape. then things took a step up - about 3 years ago she had an \"attack\", where the distension went insane, and for 3 hours i watched my wife curled up in a ball in utter devastation. the pain from her stomach was so intense she went into shock. She couldnt stop vomiting (well, her version of vomiting, she had a fundoplication when she was 10 so there was not actual vomit - basically dry gagging really hard till she almost passed out) the pain got so bad she went into shock, shivering intensely. bawling the entire time. at the ER the nurse said that there was a huge amount of air in her intestines but they werent really sure why. they got her hydrated with an iv and some muscle relaxants and after an hour of hell it finally subsided. ill never forget the look on her face when the pain let go.\n\nwe went and saw a doctor, obviously - a gastroenterologist in denver, smart guy, i was hopeful. he ran a bombardment of tests - colonoscopy, endoscopy, motility tests where she eat radiated eggs and they monitored. everything came back relatively normal. no physical obstructions detected, stomach looks good from the scope, colon looks good, small intestine looks normal. Motility at the time of the test seems fine. we got to the point where the doc basically had no idea where the pain or bloating were coming from. oh, and she had her appendix removed when she was much younger - i originally thought this looked like appendicitis - not the case. \n\nwe tried diets, we tried allergy exclusion, we tried probiotics, prebiotics, cut drinking, you name it. nothing helped. 6 years of experimentation and minimal progress later...\n\nfast forward to last night - her stomach has been killing her for the past 4 or 5 days, worse than usual, and last night the dam broke. full blown stomach hell. 4 hours of writhing pain in the sweetest woman ive ever met. its horrible. \n\nanyways - i was curious if, now knowing that extensive backstory, anyone knows a thing or two about chronic intestinal pseudo-obstruction. the fact that she's mechanically fine is it possible that the motility testing simply didnt pick something like this up? i think its important to note that she wasnt constipated all day yesterday, its like her gi tract is seizing up spontaneously without backing up. its why im curious about the pseudo obstruction rather than mechanical. perhaps there is an autonomic nerve motility issue? the way they describe how CIP come in \"attacks\" following by chronic low level swelling, the nasuea, fever, the whole thing sounds dead on. but then how did her GI doc not recognize it? if the shoe fits perfectly, but the testing doesnt verify pathology, what do you do? i'm just stunned that at one of the best hospitals in the state, that a doc can run out of options and not have a follow up referral. \n\ni'm clearly spinning in circles here and am just looking for some direction. feel free to hit me with follow up questions and i'll do my best to answer them. \n\nif anyone knows someone that might be able to help in the denver area, please let me know as well...i dont know who to turn to\n\nEdit #1: first of all, holy shit, THANK YOU for all the input. i feel that i've gotten more genuine brain power on this post than 7 years of doctors and desperation. your help has been incredible, if only for the brainstorming and throwing ideas in the pot that i never would have considered!!! \n\nI should note a few things that i didnt mention above. my wife is showing many symptoms, at this point, of auto immune disorders - wait for the kicker - she is negative for auto immune antibodies. her body is walking and talking like she has lupus (small shape of the lupus butterfly, minor joint pain and swelling, food intolerances which vary on the day and are impossible to pin down) or something similar without ANY antibodies. i can only reconcile this fact with generalized inflammation and an immune system which, for lack of a formal medical backround, is really pissed off as a result of either GI inflammation...or the other way around - the GI inflammation is a symptom of autoimmune. *sigh*. ", "answer": "Could it be a somatoform disorder? I've seem individuals with not dissimilar presentations, who responded to some psychological work.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "74hebx", "comment_id": "dnzc4py"}, {"question": "A place for those with and affected by male BPD.", "description": "Hi everyone, not sure if this is aloud please delete if not. \nI have made a new subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/BPDbros \nI made it to hopefully be a place and community for people to positively discuss the male side of borderline personality disorder. Hopefully we can have as many people subscribe to this sub as possible to build a community and help each other in topics posted as this sub develops.", "answer": "Why not just stay here? The best way to build awareness isn't to segregate ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "41odng", "comment_id": "cz3wnd0"}, {"question": "ERP is not the only way to treat OCD, there is another way", "description": "ERP can be very good, but this is mostly if OCD is not too severe, and if the obsession doesn't change very much, or switch up its tactics (my OCD does both of these) There is another one for people like me who have severe OCD, Its called Advanced Brief Strategic Therapy. It has been proven to be very effective against OCD. ", "answer": "Some of the basic assumptions of BST vs CBT seem to be inaccurate. Most importantly is the assumption that CBT believes that we can control our thoughts and emotions, whereas most CBT therapists I know would never make that assumption. While some of the tools in BST can be effective in treating OCD, and can be used in the context of traditional CBT/ ERP, it doesn't seem immediately effective as a stand alone therapeutic technique. While both CBT and BST need insight and willingness, it seems BST requires so much more insight and self control than the CBT/ ERP model. To say to an OCD sufferer \"if you need to do one compulsion, you HAVE to do 10 compulsions in a row, but you cannot just do one\" is to essentially say \"change nothing.\" Some techniques could be beneficial, but really need the skill and experience of a trained therapist to effectively implement the strategies. I'm not disagreeing with OP to say its COMPLETELY ineffective, but readers should begin treatment with a trained OCD/ CBT/ ERP therapist (dont read this as \"just any therapist who says they do OCD treatment and know CBT\") before going this route. \n\nThis response is built on a brief look into it. I'm sure I could do a deeper dive, but I'm off the clock. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "8rwcwx", "comment_id": "e0w4ffy"}, {"question": "How do you know your medicine is working?", "description": "I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and I'm on Abilify 15mg. I started at 5mg and have been working my way up but don't want to keep increasing my dosage if it is not working. I do seem to be happier and the have my moments where I am feeling depressed and anxious and just don't know if the medicine is working. \n\nHow does anyone know if your medicine is working as it should?", "answer": "I'd say to stop paying so much attention to it and keep taking it. A lot of people think they should feel a slight buzz or some side effects so they know it's working. \n\nIf it's working exactly the way it's supposed to, it won't feel like you've taken anything at all, but your mood swings will be less severe, and episodes hopefully fewer, farther between, and less severe. \n\nA huge problem for people with psychotic and mood disorders is that when their meds are working perfectly, they think \"Oh! I've been doing good for a while now. I don't think I need these pills anymore. They don't even feel like they do anything.\" When one of the biggest reasons they've been doing well is in fact the medication. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6ucoi1", "comment_id": "dlsck1y"}, {"question": "I miss being homeless", "description": "Okay. This sounds really, REALLY fucking stupid, and I\u2019m probably a horrible, dumb person for saying this, but, fuck it I guess.\n\nI\u2019ve had a shitty life. I never met my dad, and my mom died when I was 9 years old. My stepdad started using drugs to cope and ended up in the wrong crowd, so I had to move in with my grandparents, who I later found out severely emotionally abused my mother and manipulated her will to entrap me. Keep in mind, they got me, a 9 year old, to sign legal documents under duress by saying \u201cno one else cared about me\u201d and \u201cthis is what Mommy wanted.\u201d\n\nI proceeded to suffer horrific emotional abuse and a good bit of physical abuse (punching, kicking, being dragged out of bed and beaten in the middle of the night) until I was 19 years old. That was the first time I attempted to move out. I was in college. I made friends with the wrong people, and they stole everything I had.\n\nI tried again less than a year later, as my stepdad had gotten clean and promised he\u2019d try to help me. It didn\u2019t work out either, but something good came out of it- we repaired our relationship, and I see him regularly. I even go to my stepfamily\u2019s Christmas and am recognized as \u2018Dave and Amber\u2019s son\u201d instead of \u201cCraig and Teddie\u2019s grandson.\u201d\n\nI tried to move out again recently, I met some friends through Discord who offered to help me out. I went from Louisiana to Ohio, lived there for about a month. It was wonderful, but things didn\u2019t go as planned. I was still depressed. I couldn\u2019t find housing or a job, and I felt like a burden on my friend and his family, who\u2019d been nothing but kind to me- they fed me, washed my clothes, gave me a whole room to myself, hell, they even took me to an Irish festival and paid for anything I asked. \n\nSo I attempted suicide.\n\nOne hospital bill that I only JUST paid off later, my friend\u2019s family was worried that I was beyond their ability to help me. I decided I needed to leave. I don\u2019t blame them, they\u2019re wonderful people, and I\u2019ll cherish the memories I have of my time with them until the day I die.\n\nI had one other friend willing to take me in, in Oregon. Things were going great this time- he was looking to move out, he had trusted friends who were looking at apartments with him, and I was able to find a job after just one week. Sure, I had to rely on the kindness of others a little bit, as my money was running out, but I never ASKED for anything. I only took what was offered, and I didn\u2019t beg. Matter of pride for me.\n\nBut then his friends bailed. I don\u2019t know why. I don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t hate them for it, but it was at that point that I realized I wasn\u2019t going to get a home yet.\n\nSo, I lived on the streets of Portland for a month. Got involved with an \u2018Abolish ICE\u2019 protest and a loose affiliation of fash-bashers who, surprisingly, took my Southern background and formerly-hard right-wing status in stride, and helped me find soup kitchens and night housing. I bought a guy a guitar and I got a pair of drumsticks, and made a bit of money busking in the 5th to 10th Street area (the richer side of Portland IIRC).\n\nThe problem was, it wasn\u2019t enough money, so I went to go pull my mom\u2019s inheritance out of her trust fund.\n\nMy grandfather called me, and told me if I didn\u2019t come home, he\u2019d liquidate the assets, and I would never see that money again.\n\nThe next three days were a somber affair, as I realized I HAD to go home. My newfound friends showed more love and care for me than anyone else in my life ever had. One of the staff at the youth center I hung out at took me to play soccer and did his best to encourage me. The night shelter I stayed at got me a cake that I shared with the few people in shelter that night. A friend of mine used what little money he\u2019d scraped up for cigarettes to buy me a McMuffin. \n\nAnd then I came home. Although my grandparents aren\u2019t stupid enough to hit me again, they\u2019ve found other ways to hurt me. My mental state is in the shit, as are my finances. I have a job, but it doesn\u2019t really make me feel any better (which pissed my family right the fuck off- \u201chaving a job should make you happy, something\u2019s wrong with you\u201d). The friends that promised they\u2019d be here for me when I got back are only available once in a blue moon, and while I understand that they\u2019re busy, I can\u2019t do this on my own. \n\nI want to leave again. But I\u2019ve got nowhere left to run. My car will only get me out of the South, at best. I\u2019m 20 years old. I should be halfway through college right now. I should have a girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe a husband/wife if they were the right person. I should be in therapy. But I\u2019m not. And I don\u2019t know what to do.\n\nI\u2019m gonna cap this off with something that aforementioned social worker told me, just hours before I left, after I told him about my situation.\n\n\u201c<anon>, just because they put food in your stomach and your ass in a bed doesn\u2019t mean you were Home. You had **A** home. I\u2019ve been there, too. Find YOUR Home. Maybe it\u2019s here, maybe it\u2019s elsewhere, but find Your Home. You\u2019ll be happier there.\u201d\n", "answer": "Dude social workers aren't just for the homeless. You could start seeing one again, we are awesome! Handy little trick... Some of us specialize into therapy. So if you start that therapy process, you can find one who will help you with more concrete problems. Just talk to your doctor and let them know you prefer a social worker instead of a classically trained psychologist.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "a0j58d", "comment_id": "eailzfy"}, {"question": "I think I might have ADHD... what do I do?", "description": "I'd like to start out by saying that I am not trying to super self-diagnose... I am 100% willing to accept that this is not what I have, it is just a suspicion. I just would like advice for an upcoming appointment (my first one ever) with a psychiatrist. \n\nBasically, I think I have ADHD, but I'm not sure that I should tell the psychiatrist my suspicions. I don't want them to think that I'm trying to score study drugs or whatever (I live in a college town) but I do want to be heard. My symptoms line up to a T with the DSM 5 (and I'll list them below) so maybe they will be more receptive? I'm worried they will brush me off.\n\nAlso, I did take adderall the other day to see how it affected me, and 10mg XR just calmed me down like crazy. I cried because I actually felt normal. I want to tell the psych this, but I'm scared that this will really make them think I'm looking to score drugs. I don't care about that at all... if there's a non-stimulant treatment I'll go that route, even. Is this something I should tell them? \n\nMy symptoms (if you're interested):\n\n~ I need something playing in the background at all times (usually, I just play the same shows on repeat) and I can't focus without it. I just don't like to sit in the quiet. But I also can't focus when it's on. It's like I need that noise, but when its there, I can't function with it. \n\n~ I dissociate often, but Im not sure if that's the right word. I get really aware of my peripheral vision and it feels like I'm in a movie. People move too fast and don't seem real... this is scary. I think this is do to some sexual trauma, though. \n\n~ I zone out frequently. Like 25% of my day is spent vividly daydreaming. I also can't seem to focus on what people are saying to me. In conversation I usually get distracted because I'm paying attention to the fact that I need to pay attention, or something they say will remind me of something, and my mind will just go off on a tangent. \n\n~ Procrastination. I am horrible about this, but its not like I'm just being lazy. I just get so worked up thinking that have to do something, and I spend more time worrying about it than I would take to do it. I also don't just do stuff I want to do, instead. The anxiety makes it to where it wouldn't even be enjoyable. Ive taken trig three times now bc of this, and I havent read 1 book I've been assigned all the way through since high school, and I'm an English major! I just can't get through books, especially when assigned. I have to constantly re-read things. Still, I had a 3.9 in H.S. and a 3.6 now.\n\n~ I am incredibly forgetful. I constantly forget to turn assignments in on time, even though I have it on my calendar and I check it every day, and I always pay my bills late, even though I have plenty of $ to pay them with. I also find myself losing things like my phone, keys, clothes, etc. twenty times a day. As soon as I set something down I forget it. \n\n~I monopolize conversations, and interrupt people a lot, though I don't usually notice until its pointed out to me. I really, really try to keep in mind to be polite, but I swear its like I can't help it. I just have to say what I want to say, and I can't seem to pay attention until I say it. Honestly I think I'm just really annoying to others, but I actively try not to be. \n\n~I have very fidgety habits, including, but not limited to: nail biting, picking at lips/pimples/skin, grinding my teeth, bouncing my leg... just really, constantly fidgeting. \n\n~ I struggle with sleep issues. \n\n~ I'm always, always late, even when I leave myself plenty of time to get ready and its something I want to do. \n\nI'm just not sure. Does this sound like ADHD to you guys? Should I bring up my concerns with my doctor, or will that make my situation worse? \n\nThank you!!!", "answer": "No idea - but a proper ADHD diagnosis should be done over multiple appointments so dont expect an immediate answer! Theres also a lot of other conditions that can present like ADHD too, so without the full assessment, its best to keep an open mind.\n\nMeds like adderall etc can make people without ADHD feel better too (hence why it can be a drug of misuse) so dont use that as any sort of proof, though for all we know it could be an actual therapeutic response.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g18u1z", "comment_id": "fnecl8y"}, {"question": "Non-TCA antidepressants that won't cause headaches?", "description": "31F, 5'3, 180lbs. - medications: sertraline, amoxicillin, nexplanon - non-smoker - medical issues: depression, anxiety, adhd, carp skin condition - duration of complaint: headaches started 3 years ago. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've been on sertraline for years. I recently figured out that it is what has been giving me headaches. Migraine with aura and nausea. Every week 3-7 days a week.\n\nI talked to my doctor who prescribed amitriptyline. I had a very bad reaction to it. Literal falling asleep at the wheel on the low starter dose they had me on. It didn't get any better when they halved that dosage. I was told to stop taking that and take citalopram. Headaches started up on day 2 of the low starter dose. The doctor has given up already I assume as she put me back on a low dose of sertraline.\n\nAny advice on what to suggest is appreciated. I'm not ok without antidepressants but if I have to live in pain for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do.", "answer": "Amitriptyline is one of the more sedating TCAs. Nortriptyline is generally more tolerable, as are several others. At true antidepressant doses they tend to have side effects more often than newer classes of antidepressant.\n\nVenlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI that can be used to prevent migraines, so I would not expect it to cause them. It\u2019s also activating rather than sedating.\n\nBupropion (Wellbutrin) works through different mechanisms than other antidepressants. It\u2019s not sedating and not associated with migraines.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "epohkt", "comment_id": "fektytq"}, {"question": "Was I raped? Or was I just being stupid?", "description": "So a few years ago when I just turned 17 (19 now, turning 20 in a few months) I had this friend who we will just called J. He was 21 at the time and I really just felt bad for the guy... He always told me that he couldn't connect with people his age so he always was friends with people younger than him. For the beginning of our friendship he was dating this drop dead gorgous girl who ended up becoming miss maryland teen so it wasn't like he was some socially awkward penguin that didn't know how to speak to people. They broke up and he began to have an interest in me.\n\nWe'd often hang out at his house, he still lived with his parents so most of the time we'd be just sitting in the family room watching some movie. I've had no interest in him other than a friendship and he was well aware of that. He's put his face in mine and kissed me a few times but I'd put an end to it quickly. Nothing over the top really would happen.\n\nWell, one night I was at a party and we ran out of beer and stuff so I called J to see if he could buy us some considering he's of legal age. He came to the house I was at with the stuff and stayed for a bit. He didn't drink at all and just sat there and talked to all of us. After I realized I was smashed I thought I should go home and go to sleep. Since J hasn't had anything to drink, and he was my friend I asked him if he could take me home, Instead he brought me to his house. I thought it was strange but didn't really care considering I was extremely drunk. I just plopped down onto the couch and shut my eyes. I woke up to him kissing me and touching me, and I kind of just blew it off and pushed him away and said I was tired. He kept on trying and this is when it mostly turned into a blur... I don't know if I was trying to block it out or if I was too drunk to remember but I know we ended up on the floor in the other room and I know we had sex. The most I remember from during sex was when I tried pushing him off but he held himself there and then I gave up and just let it happen.\n\nI know if I was sober I wouldn't have let that happen. I'm just still so confused... The next morning when I woke up I pretended like nothing happened until I got home because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of his mom. Once I got home I took a shower because I felt so dirty and just cried... I wasn't sure if it was my fault that it happened or not. After that he messaged me and told me that what he did wasn't to just get in my pants but that he cares about me and wanted to be with me and I just ignored all the messages. He said that I was the one that asked if he had a condom, so that means that I was okay with us having sex but I don't remember saying it... This is starting to get really choppy and I'm sorry about that I'm just not good at typing really long stories.\n\nEven after that though, I still spoke to him. I mean we never hung out again but he drove me to work a couple times, got me a job, and we would speak on facebook sometimes. I'd never get near him though... One time at the mall like a year ago he put his arm around me jokingly and I got this really sick feeling. I feel emotionally scarred about all of this but I don't know if I have reason to. Can I actually call this rape? I would never go to the police about this because I don't want to ruin someone's life but I just want to be at peace with all of this.", "answer": "It sounds like rape to me-- but the most important thing is your own reaction, and from your own reaction I think it sounds like rape to you too. ", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "18t3hp", "comment_id": "c8hreiv"}, {"question": "18/m isn't sure if he wants open relationship with 18/f", "description": "I'm on a throwaway to disguise myself\nMe and my GF have been dating for 9 months give or take and very early onto into a relationship I nearly left for another girl, but after telling her decided not to. Now we have (what I thought was) a healthy relationship and even live together. Fast forward to today she had a depressive break down (as she does at times and is diagnosed with chronic depression). Well after I thought I had cheered her up she went to her dance class. Soon after she had left she told me she had something to get off her chest. She told me she wanted an open relationship. I will paraphrase our conversation now. (I will be M and she will be F)\n\nF: \"I want to have sex with other people...I want to be with you forever but good couples don't fuck other people...part of me is saying I just want to get back at you.\"\n\nM: \"Like you have urges to fuck some one or just thoughts?\"\n\nF:\"Well nobody in particular I mean but like if someone I was attracted to was hinting at it or being flirty I know I would have a difficult time turning them down.\"\n\nM:\"Knowing you, I feel like if you did this it you wouldn't forgive yourself... and I really don't feel that would be healthy for our relationship.\"\n\nF:\"Well I mean I don't think I told you my ideal relationship would be an open one...Idk I'm just kinky\"\n\nM: No, I think you just have a high sex drive\n\nF:\"But I would never ever without your permission/PRESENCE, and no I am just really kinky\"\nShe then left for her dance class but I sent some messages\n\nM:\"The only way I am going to let this happen is if I know I am going to get atleast as much ass as you are... also if someone told you they wanted to have sex and you would have a hard time telling them no, you lack self control.\"\nShe appears a while after\n\nF:\"I would never do anything without atleast telling you but you're right I do lack self control that's why I like being with you. You keep me in check. If I was ever in a situation before this talk I would have thought about it but never acted upon it.\"\n\nM:\"Which one is it, because that's not what you said before? You said you would have trouble saying no.\"\n\nF:\"I would have trouble but I wouldn't do it because you mean more to me than any piece of ass.\"\n\nM:\"That's not what matters to me though. It bothers me just know that that could happen. I haven't really told you this because I didn't want to bother you but I am an extremely jealous person.\"\n\nF:\"Yeah me too I gtg\" \nAnd then she went back to dance\n\nHere I am now not knowing what to do or say and half terrified she will find this post somehow.\ntl;dr: Girl friend wants to cuck me because she lacks self control what do", "answer": "open relationships almost never work. monogamy is too ingrained in us.... be careful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61wxg5", "comment_id": "dfhz8rw"}, {"question": "I'm an insecure future therapist", "description": "I'll soon graduate. Using empathy as my instrument is something that scares me.\n\nHow do you guys master actually listening to the person and not invalidating their thoughts? How do you control yourself not to say \"but this is not so bad\" or \"your depressed thought doesn't make sense?\" How not to use common sense, which I know doesn't help?\n\nI've watched therapy sessions and have a therapist of my own, so I've seen it happen, but I'm insecure about doing it myself.", "answer": "It\u2019s about being in the world of your client and understanding how it feels for them. Be with them in the moment without trying to come up with a \u201cfix\u201d because it\u2019s not about you fixing anything for them. You are there to be one of the only people in their life who will listen without judgement and without treating them like they\u2019re fucked up. \n\nTelling someone \u201chere\u2019s how you fix this/here\u2019s what you need to do\u201d is taking away their autonomy to find their own way. It also implies they aren\u2019t fucked up/dumb etc. and that you\u2019re some how smarter and this expert in their life. I can work with a client for a year and still not know everything about their life and inner workings. I can give a client 50 great pieces of advice on how to \u201cfix\u201d something they come in with, but they can sit there and shoot down everyone of them (that\u2019s not a fun session). I\u2019ve been there when clients push and push for advice and answers and I made the mistake of giving in. They shot down and had a reason why every idea I had wouldn\u2019t work. That taught me a lot. It\u2019s not about me giving them answers it\u2019s about me helping to empower them through empathy and validation. \n\nTo help yourself understand empathy, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think of how it would feel to share some really vulnerable things that maybe you don\u2019t tell anyone and hear that person who is supposed to help you, tell you how what you feel or what you think is wrong. Would you want to open up again? In your program they should have and I hope they did talk about the ways to phrase things so that you avoid coming off as judgmental when you do challenge the client (after you\u2019ve built rapport). Also keep in mind challenging is not calling them out in a harsh way. It\u2019s more like \u201cI hear you say you don\u2019t care if you have friends and I hear you saying how hard it is to feel so lonely sitting by yourself at home so much. I wonder if you do really want friends and because of the negative experiences you\u2019ve had in the past finding those friends seems terrifying so you\u2019re trying to convince yourself you don\u2019t want them.\u201d \n\nYou\u2019ll get there, you just have to work on keeping the \u201ccommon sense\u201d reactions to yourself (even when you\u2019re faced with a client that seems like they could use a dose of it. Trust me there will be many times you find yourself thinking \u201comg if you would just stop doing x you would be fine\u201d but it\u2019s never that simple. That\u2019s when you work harder to feel with the client and also get supervision. \n\n[great video about empathy vs sympathy ](https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g3z2d9", "comment_id": "fnupjga"}, {"question": "9-year-old with headache for 7 days", "description": "My 9-year-old daughter, 55 lbs, has been having a headache (sometimes painful enough that she has missed several days of school and is not being her usual rambunctious self) for 7 days. 200mg of ibuprofen eases the headache (but doesn't eliminate it) for only about 2 hours. She says the pain is only in her temples. She also has swollen lymph nodes in the jaw and neck. \n\n-Pediatrician tested for strep (it was negative), looked for signs of meningitis (didn't find any), and sent us along.\n-Ophthalmologist said her prescription needs updating, but no sign of intracranial pressure.\n-Dentist sees no sign of infection or impaction to cause such pain.\n\nWhat next? If we head back to the pediatrician, what should we push for? It is horrible to see my little girl in pain and not have any way to get relief. \n\nA few things that might be important: \n\n-She upped her dose of guanfacine (for ADHD) two weeks ago, from 1mg to 1.5mg with the extra .5 being a rapid release tablet. \n-She's had a weird string of problems since September--stomach aches and nausea for the last several months and two weeks in November with a painful, obviously swollen knee without any clear injury followed a few days later by a \"sprained\" ankle on the same leg (again without any definite injury). Also, during the same time period, her anger (always a problem for her) has really gotten out of control. The increased anger issues were what finally pushed us to medicate her ADHD. While the medication is greatly improving her standard ADHD symptoms, the anger is still as bad as ever. \n\nAny insights would be very much appreciated!", "answer": "Anything going on that might worry your daughter about going to school?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xc8vy", "comment_id": "degyjhf"}, {"question": "Please help. Doctors are of no help, telling me that my pain isn't ever and to wait out. How do I proceed?", "description": "I'm 18, male, 5ft8, 65kg, British and I've been having this issue for about 2 months now. I take methylphenidate 20mg XR for ADHD and was taking amiltriptyline (25mg) for about 3 weeks around the time this started, this was for neuralgia but I stopped taking this as I thought it could be causing or worsening this pain.\n\n\nI've been to see 3 different GPs and they all seem to think I'm fine. The first GP told me to wait this out, take some OTC painkillers if it gets worse. The second was kind-of helpful and prescribed an antibiotic, this seemed to improve the pain but it never really got better. The course of antibiotics was amoxicillin for 5 days. The third GP got annoyed at me for saying I could not wait a week or two for an appointment for this issue as he thought it wasn't serious (I cannot go to NHS walk-in due to work and there were no appointments available for at least a week so I got angry on the phone). I was told another course of antibiotics wouldn't do anything if the 5 day course didn't resolve my pain. He ended up prescribing otovent and a beclometasone nasal spray but told me the best I can do is wait this pain out as it isn't chronic sinusitis and it isn't suggestive of anything else... I'd be fine with this but the problem is it isn't getting better! \n\n\nThe pain seems like pain around my left sinuses, left ear and generally the left side of head/upper face. It hurts to move my left eye in the mornings and at some points during the day (like I'm pulling on a ligament/muscle that's tight in the eye). The eye strain is the only problem that is at its worst when I wake up. There is no pain in my right eye or that side of the face. The pain seems to shift locations, sometimes I'll feel like there is pain in my inner ear and around it, and other times the pain will be on my left temple or around my eye. There is no tenderness. I am not suffering from any symptoms like vision loss or dizziness. I haven't had any personality changes other than anger when the pain is particularly bad. There's no nausea or noticeable neck tension. My only symptom is pain. I was speaking to a friend who's studying medicine and he said any pain in the head is a headache so technically I have a \"headache\" but it is not like a migraine or pain all around my head, it's just an ache on the left front side of my head around my temple. Paracetamol doesn't really help much, nor do topical nasal decongestants or otovent. I'm not sure if the steroid spray helps, the pain is definitely still here but it doesn't seem as bad if I use it. If anyone here has any idea what this could be or how I can get a doctor to take me seriously I'd **really** appreciate a response. I'm so lost and tired of this :( I just want to know what the cause of this pain is.\n\n\nThank you so much for reading.\n", "answer": "UK doc here.\n\nTMJ has been spoken about - [heres the NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/temporomandibular-joint-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx). Id recommend waiting it out rather than going for invasive procedures - which admittedly will feel frustrating for you. Jumping in with invasive treatments early can sometimes cause more harm than good.\n\nAs someone else has asked - does it impact your daily functioning?\n\nKeep going with the amitriptyline - it is unlikely to be aggrevating whatever condition you have.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fbwsv", "comment_id": "dajg9pr"}, {"question": "Taking Effexor after 5htp?", "description": "I've been taking Kava Kava, 5-htp, and GABA for anxiety and panic attacks. Recently I've been going through a stressful period and the anxiety is really bad and that combination isn't working as well for me.\n\nThe last time I had a period of bad anxiety I was taking 75mg Effexor which seemed to work very well. I take a total of 200mg 5-htp a day (half in the morning, half at night).\n\nI want to start taking Effexor again but I'm worried about serotonin syndrome. How long should I abstain from 5-htp before taking Effexor again? (I notice effects like anti-depressant 'withdrawal' like hypersensitivity to motion from 5-htp after about 16hrs of missing a 5-htp dose)\n\nTLDR: I take 200mg 5-htp a day and want to switch back to 75mg Effexor, how long should I abstain from 5-htp to be safe from serotonin syndrome?", "answer": "Given its a poorly evidenced unregulated dietary supplement, its probably doing little of much use in the brain. You could probably start fairly quickly though dont take them at the same time. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77j3av", "comment_id": "don7ipu"}, {"question": "Found journal", "description": "Just thought I'd share this with you all. Yesterday I was doing a bit of cleaning and came across the journal I had kept from the beginning of my recovery. Oh god! Well of course I read it. Here are my thoughts. Holy crap was I insane. I could see defenitely improvement over the 7 or so weeks but it's hard to believe this is how I was thinking. All of my problems were blamed on others. I was powerless and helpless and so confused about everything. I was lonely and was isolated from everyone and didn't know what to do. I was afraid of the future. It was really neat seeing a gradual change in my writings. One thing that stood out was how my penmanship (of all things) improved. From sloppy and weak to somewhat neat and more confident. It was a sign of physical improvement. A couple things I noticed that obviously worked were doing little things. I prayed (even though I don't believe in a diety), I asked others for help. The more I asked for help the easier things became and the happier i became. I began to have gratitude. I was thankful for simple things, little kindnesses others did for me, and life in general. I know I still have lots of work to do but some clarity has come to me over time. One thing I attribute this to is listening to others and not thinking I have all the answers. Not sure if this helps anyone but those are my thoughts at the moment. Hope you all have a good day and thanks for reading!", "answer": "I'm cleaning now to try and help with anxiety and keep me busy. I hope one day I can come across something like this. Can I ask what kinds of things you asked help for? And what did you find to be the most helpful. Congrats on everything. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3wjuxn", "comment_id": "cxww74x"}, {"question": "I just want friends to be close friends with", "description": "I have a close friend but it always seems she\u2019s trying to help me. I have other acquaintances that I don\u2019t hang out with often. I have a new job and my co-workers are awesome but we haven\u2019t hung out yet. I just want some friends to hang out with, do nothing with, and not judge each other. Do these types of pure friendships even exits? I\u2019ve never been good at close friends in my 28 years. I\u2019m everyone\u2019s first friend but never the best friend. Maybe it\u2019s just not for me. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m even craving social interaction lately - usual I\u2019m fine to be my keep to myself quiet person. ", "answer": "Not sure if this applies to you or not. One problem I see with lots of folks struggling with this is that their goal is to have \"close friends\" but generally don't like associating with more surface level acquaintances and having all of the superficial conversations and what not that go along with that. \n\nUnfortunately for these folks, good, healthy, organic relationships do not happen immediately. They generally grow from what starts out as more simple and superficial relationships with acquaintances. Finding shared interests and each party making a continuous effort to spend time together doing what they mutually enjoy and eventually the two may become close friends. The only way to get this though is to put the effort in inviting acquaintances to things and making time to go to things they invite you to. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ekh9j", "comment_id": "dxvxpem"}, {"question": "Is there a type of doctor who can teach me not to be awkward? I am not even sure what I am doing to be awkward but I know I am.", "description": "If I don't fix myself I will eventualy kill my self in a few years. I have no friends and I want to be social. ", "answer": "You should see a counselor. A counselor can help you work on social skills, and also on depression.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1ahtnp", "comment_id": "c8xo9yk"}, {"question": "hi.", "description": "Hi.\n\nI don't know how should I begin. I don't even know why I am here. I guess the first thing I just say is that I am just tired. \n\nThings are reasonably well. I have a decent salary. I go to school. I'm almost 21. Male. But I am so alone. I feel so empty and alone. \n\nI feel like a total loser. The only ability I seem to have is to push people away. I have no friends. I have no social skills. At work, I'm just used to it, we all talk and have fun, but most of them are considerably older than me, so I seldom go out with them. At school, I only talk to 3 or 4 people. \n\nIt's so stupid, I know. It's a non-issue. I feel people make fun of me. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like shit, I look like shit. I'm fucking ugly. And all that. And I cannot even tell what's really happening anymore. I'm losing my head. I don't want to keep going with this. I like school, I like the few people I talk to, but I get home every night anxious and asking myself why am I such a loser. When I look in the mirror, you know, I don't look like shit. But when I'm outside is different. I'm such a pussy for worrying about shit like this. And even with all that anxiety, I hate this loneliness, I hate this emptiness. I hate the person I've become.\n\nI'm so fucking tired of the same shit over and over. The same job, the same meaningless tasks, going to school and going home. Being in front of my computer until midnight. Sleep, repeat. It makes sick to know that something as meaningless as this is making me plan my own death.\n\nI just don't care anymore. There is only one thing I need to do. I need to detach from my family. I need to piss them off, to make them angry. Having done that, I'll be ready to leave all this shit behind. I have a few plans. \n\n<snip, it was too descriptive>\n\nI'm planning to go far away. To another country. I just need to figure out a method (gun would be difficult to find), I'm guessing I'll try to overdose. I'll have to shred any evidence of who I am (passports, wallet, CCs). Or make it look like an accident, jump from a bridge, who knows.\n\nIt'll take some time, maybe a few weeks, to finally have everything set up. These feelings have been getting worse and worse every day. I cannot stand this. I just don't want to live anymore. I've waited for a long time for something big to happen, and I now realize this is it. I almost died during birth. I was never meant to be alive. Bring it on.\n\nLike I said. I don't know why I'm here. I already know the usual answers (this is a secondary account). But I have no will to try it anymore. Sometimes, I just wish I had a gun, so I could end it as soon as possible.", "answer": "You must be a very resilient person to be going through all of that and still be able to have a job and go to school. What are you in school for?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "axucc", "comment_id": "c0jyhub"}, {"question": "Am I making the right decision by breaking up with my[29f] boyfriend[28m] because of him cheating on me, despite the fact that he kept treating me like a princess for the past 8 years of our relationship?", "description": "We were in the same town for a year and since then we have an LDR, because we went studying and ,after that,working on different cities, but we kept loving each other and keeping the promess that we will be always together and geting married, we saw each other every weekend all this time\n\nAll this 8 years he treated me nicely like a gentelman , he has nervosity probelm but once he gets calm he apologises and promess that he wont do it again\n\nWell, two years ago he met with this friend who introduced him to a concept of having affairs.\nSo he started cheating, I caught him the first time, he had a broken heart and he apologised and I forgave him but unfortunately he kept cheating on me, and I wasn't sure about hus cheating till recently\n\nSo now I'm in a dilemma,\nHe's young and compared to his young age, men have affairs and have fun but he showed a level of maturity bigger than other men in his age,\nSo I Know someday he wont cheat again because he will get satistfied of that lack of experiences,\nHe treated me like a gentelman, took care of me \nNever left me wash the dishes when we spend time together, he takes care of everything when we go on dates\n\nIn his personality he's the Man, he takes care of everything he' responsible but he is dry emotionaly\n\nWe are planing to get married in july but he cheated on me two months ago, how can you understand it? Well, he considers marriage very serious bond, but now plays since he thinks that I dont know about his affairs\n\nSo am I Making the right decision by breaking up with him?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69kg67", "comment_id": "dh7gpag"}, {"question": "familial hypocalciuric hypercalcemia", "description": "Age : 25\nWeight : 69.2 kgs\nRace : European and Middle eastern\nHeight 183.5 cms\nLocation : Australia\nConditions >>>>\nASD/PDD-NOS\nHypercalcemia (duration unknown - earliest detection was august 2012. possibly went unnoticed many years before that)\nBradycardia (lowest recorded was 37 BPM on a holter machine and typically settles around 40-48 BPM before bed).\nOccasionally a very fast heart rate upon waking up in the morning (holter machine recorded 115bpm around 7:30am)\n\nNo other known familial conditions apart from my father having haemochromatosis and my mother having Lupus (and also two appendixes!) \n\nI'm due for genetic testing in a couple months but beofore that they are doing a final blood test : Elecs, Ca/Phos, creat, urea, urate, gluc\nLiver function test\n24hr urine - Ca+++ , creat\nPTH\nVitamin D 25(OH)\n\nThey already did half of these test on me several times but my vitamin D levels were a bit low (I used to be a complete shut in) but now that my Vit D levels are much higher they want to do this final test on me before going ahead with genetic testing.\n\nLast 24hr urine test resulted in a cc/r of less than 0.20 (0.19 i think) and with repleted VITD levels my endocrinologist seemed to believe it is FHH causing my higher calcium levels...(ionized calcium ranging from 1.34 to 1.39)...my PTH levels ranged from 2.7 to 5.0 \n\nAnother reason they dont suspect Primary Hyperparathyroidism anymore is because my forearm bone density is far above average, particularly the 1/3 distal radius..which is 99% cortical bone.\n\nAnyway, I'm a bit disappointed by lack of information on the web about this condition. I read as much as I can on it and some sources seem to contradict each other. At first I thought there is no way I could have FHH as not one single person in my family has high blood calcium but then I found out from my doctor and through my own research that the gene can mutate in an individual for the first time (how unlikely is that!?)...FHH occurs at rate of 1 in 78,000 people...that means I'd be one of 350 people in my own nation. \n\nOkay my question is that I want to know if there's anyone on this forum with more advanced knowledge on this condition or has some experience in endocrine disorders. For the past 6 months or so this whole issue has been causing me a lot of stress/grief and even strained relationships. I just want some finality to this. So any information that someone on this board can supply to me would be very appreciated.\n\nThanks.\n\n\nEdit : Wanted to add that aside from postural dizziness (occasional) and the low heart rate, I am completely asymptomatic. No lethargy, fatigue and only my typical bouts of depression which I've lived with my whole life. Nothing comes to mind that I can attribute to Hypercalcemia. I do sometimes have prehypertension levels of systolic blood pressure, while my diastolic is below 70 most of the time. I did some research and I suspect it is 'spurious systolic hypertension'. I had an electrocardiogram, echocardiogram and a calcium scoring test done and everything looked completely normal. ", "answer": "I am not an expert, so my knowledge comes from medical school and what I've run into along the way (I think I've encountered one case; as you say, it's rare!), and I only found out because the patient mentioned it as part of providing medical history. That said, what I remember from medical school is being told that it exists, it's asymptomatic, and that it's mostly an oddity to remember because every once in a while high calcium is of no significance.\n\nSpontaneous mutations do occur. Rarely, but not never. These heritable disorders have to start somewhere, and you could be the one who just got unlucky. \n\nFHH is usually asymptomatic. It doesn't bother you and it doesn't increase risk of developing complications. If that's what you have, and genetic testing is from my limited knowledge the way to go, you have a weird fact about yourself that doesn't change your life in any way.\n\n(Again, I have zero expertise here, but my I thought FHH *shouldn't* increase bone mineralization. Again, the way to know is to continue with the workup, which you're doing. Try not to worry too much about it\u2014although easy for me to say, right?)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c6kib", "comment_id": "dxcsyp7"}, {"question": "Is daily sex a reasonable expectation?", "description": "My SO of 3 years expects and requests sex daily. I find this expectation daunting to the point I dread bedtime. I've told him, for me, the daily expectation makes sex feel like a chore and takes the fun out of it. I don't like and feel guilty turning him down. I've convinced him to compromise with every other day instead, but I still feel that daunting expectation, like I'm not allowed to say no if I denied him the night before. I find I don't enjoy sex as much as in past relationships where daily (or now, every other day) sex was not an expectation. Below are some more details:\n\nI DO facilitate sex - he is NOT always the instigator.\nWhen I instigate, it's usually in the morning.\n\nYes, I'm physically attracted to him.\n\nYes, he makes me feel attractive by frequently giving compliments.\n\nI'm satisfied with other forms of intimacy instead of sex such as holding, snuggling, petting, etc. and while he engages in these forms of intimacy, he is never satisfied stopping there.\n\nHe becomes visibly upset if I decline sex.\n\nHe has stated he needs sex nightly in order to sleep. This bothers me in that I feel like a cum dumpster for his release in order to sleep rather than the act being an expression of love.\n\nHe has stated sex is necessary for pregnancy support (I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant. We have experienced 2 previous miscarriages) because it balances the ph levels in my uterus-- something I have not found any scientific evidence to support this claim.\n\nHe often references the fact I told him an ex used to turn me down frequently yet I still desired sex with the ex (as a reason to never deny him.). I tried to explain that I did instigate sex with my ex because (a) the ex and I were only having sex once a month at that point (b) not having sex daily gave me the chance to actually desire it.\n\nHe has stated that if sex wasn't frequent in my previous relationships, I was SURELY being cheated on.\n\nNo, I don't care if he watches porn. Yes, I occasionally also watch porn.\n\nYes, I masturbate but not as frequently during pregnancy due to the cramping after orgasm.\n\nYes, I climax during sex, but only when on top or during oral. \n\nYes, I'm fine with oral both ways. I'm also fine with oral not turning into sex.\n\nThe actual act itself is enjoyable although once recently I did not enjoy it because the daily requests are killing my libido (which is already irregular due to the pregnancy). It was the one time I did not get into it at all (no noises, etc). I admit I've feigned enjoyment during the act merely to get him to climax quicker (although I do NOT feign orgasms).\n\nOn multiple occasions, after which I've declined sex, he has awakened me during the night while shaking the bed during masturbation. As I said, I don't care if he chokes the chicken, but I would prefer not to have my sleep disturbed especially during pregnancy when getting enough/good sleep is EXTREMELY difficult. When I asked him not to wake me to do that, the most recent incident, he responded that he wasn't going to change the person he is. ???\n\nNo, we did not start the relationship off with frequent sex. I did not want to begin sex until \"love\" was involved (being said). I think it was only about 2 weeks until our first sex. He did say he loved me but he also said it's important to know if there is sexual compatibility in order to pursue a serious relationship. I did feel this statement somewhat pressured me into sex \"too early\" and it occurred at his parents' home which made me uncomfortable. I did not particularly enjoy that first encounter.\n\nI would be satisfied with 1-2x a week. I'd probably be happy to do it more frequently - sometimes - if it weren't EXPECTED.\n\nSummary: Is daily sex a reasonable request in a relationship? How can I reduce the frequency without feeling guilty or making my partner feel unattractive?\n", "answer": "Sex shouldn't be a request... period! It's a mutual decision by two people. NEVER have sex when you don't feel like it. It will kill your sex life and your relationship.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78pm8v", "comment_id": "dovo0mk"}, {"question": "Doctor is just pumping me with pills, not helping. Need advice. NJ. USA", "description": "I'm 29 live in the United States. NJ. I'm type 2 diabetic. Have higher cholesterol. Depression and vision issues. I am 6 foot 1 and 315 lbs (I use to weigh 387 a year ago) here is my medication list: \n \nBasaglar 10 units at night. \nMetformin hcl 1000mg 2x daily. \nGlipizide 10mg 2x daily. \nAtorvastatin calcium 10mg. \nFenofibrate 160mg. \nJardiance 25mg. \nUnknown cholesterol medication. \n \nI want to be on less, my doctor keeps throwing meds at me not trying to help. It sucks. My A1c was 9.4 it's 7 now. But pills have not changed. I don't know what to do. Being on this many pills can't be good for my body. Help please. Not sure if it's because of my state paid insurance or not....if so that sucks. ", "answer": "I'm not an endocrinologist or even an internist. That said, while A1c is not the be-all, end-all in diabetes care, for someone young and otherwise healthy a target of below 7% is common. If it takes many medications to get you there, then it takes many medications, and while they can have side effects, high blood glucose also has definite long-term consequences for your body.\n\nIt's a conversation that you should be able to have with your doctor, but it's also understandable for your doctor to see A1c as the marker of progress, and while you've certainly made progress, everything is not resolved.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9pq5i9", "comment_id": "e83lhcz"}, {"question": "Toastmasters: Learn new social skills, build your confidence, and meet new people! ", "description": "This post was a long time in the making and is an edited response to a previous post I made when someone asked about Toastmasters. I responded with a summary of why I think Toastmasters is an excellent program for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. It got little love at the end of a thread several days old. I\u2019m creating this post to expand on my original ideas and provide reasons why I think Toastmasters is helpful for building social skills. I should add that I, like all Toastmasters, volunteer my time with Toastmasters and receive no financial benefit. In addition, Toastmasters is a non-profit. \n\nI've been involved with Toastmasters for approximately eight years, and I've been in many different clubs as a I moved around. I'm 33 years old now but started when I was 25. Let me preface my comments below by saying that I'm a huge believer in the program - I've drank the Kool-Aid, I'm in it hook line and sinker, etc. In this post, I will tell you how I think Toastmasters will improve your social skills. \n\nFirst, Toastmasters does help many people improve their social skills through public speaking. How? By forcing people to confront their social fears in a positive and mutually supportive environment. Every Toastmaster knows that initial jolt of nervousness and fear that you get whenever you stand up to give a 'prepared speech' in front of a group. Your mouth is dry, your hands and knees shake, and you're mind goes blank. These are normal reactions that provides you the gift of increasing your confidence by pushing through them. By doing it over and over again, your fear of public speaking diminishes and you feel more comfortable communicating with people. Anything that improves your ability to communicate and makes you more comfortable around other people will improve your social skills. Toastmasters is trial-by-fire. For many, it's gut wrenching and terrifying. It's also incredibly courageous to admit your fear, face your deficiencies, and strive to improve.\n\nSecond, but isn\u2019t Toastmasters a speaking organization that focuses solely on public speaking with prepared speeches? How exactly does that help with social skills? The obvious answer is that being able to speak in public is a social skill. I\u2019ve heard comments from others stating otherwise, but I don\u2019t believe that\u2019s true. I think what people mean is that public speaking is a skill separate from \u2018one-on-one\u2019 communication with another person or a small group. In regards to Toastmasters, I want to point out why this criticism falls short. \n\nThe concept of a Toastmasters meeting is built around public speaking and prepared speeches, just like Apple is built around building technology products. There is, however, a lot more that goes into a meeting, just like there\u2019s a lot more that goes into Apple than just building technology. In Apple\u2019s case there\u2019s marketing, supply chains, office management, etc. Likewise, in Toastmasters, there\u2019s coordinating speakers, giving evaluations with constructive criticism, setting up meetings, performing feedback roles, and leadership positions in the management of the club. In short, to be a member of Toastmasters, you must interact with people to pull off a successful meeting. Unless there\u2019s a little more going on psychologically, interacting with people will make you more socially aware and build confidence. \n\nWill it help you overcome your fear to start a conversation with that cute guy/girl at the end of the bar? (I think this is really at the root of why many people criticize Toastmasters) Yes, it can. It can help you to start to lead a lifestyle where you face and overcome fear. The keyword here is overcome. It\u2019s very likely you, like any human being, will always feel social anxiety in a new or high stress social situation. There\u2019s no magic wand to make the butterflies go away. You manage them, not annihilate them. By exposing yourself to your social fears via Toastmasters, it allows you to develop strategies to deal with your fear. It\u2019s a trial-by-fire and you\u2019re learning to control the flames of emotion. \n\nThird, although not directly related to social skills, a criticism I often hear is that Toastmasters is full of old people, and it doesn\u2019t really relate to me. (As if socializing with older people doesn't really count as social!?) Pointing out that Toastmasters is full of old people is a valid criticism, but I want to add my interpretation. Most people who get involved with Toastmasters, young or old, get involved because they\u2019re at a certain point in their life and career where they recognize the need to fully develop their communication skills. Often times this is when they move into management or their job involves a high degree of thoughtful interaction with others. By thoughtful interaction I mean jobs or positions where your words and how you communicate take on a significant importance. There are simply less people in their twenties moving into these types of roles than there are in their thirties and beyond. But of the twenty year olds I have met in Toastmasters, I have typically found they hold positions with more responsibility than their peers. Furthermore, once people join Toastmasters, they tend to stick around because they recognize the benefit they get from it. This contributes to having an older demographic.\n\nToastmasters, like any organization, is not without faults. I\u2019m open to other programs for building public speaking, leadership, and social skills. I do believe they\u2019re out there, and I\u2019m sure many of them are effective. (That\u2019s my straw-man :-p ) But, for a measly $30ish dollars every six months, I don\u2019t know of any other program that provides the same value for such a low cost. (Now I\u2019m knocking him down!) I\u2019m open to answering any questions about Toastmasters, but the best resource really is the website at http://www.toastmasters.org. \n\n**TLDR; Toastmasters is beneficial for building social skills and is a great bang for your buck. It can help you learn to overcome your fears, learn to socialize with others, and make you a better speaker.**\n", "answer": "I've done Toastmasters before and it's super helpful. I recommend it to anyone :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "109iht", "comment_id": "c6cgfvs"}, {"question": "Constant, unending exhaustion on abilify", "description": "I am an unemployed student on summer break right now and I would love to spend my time practising music, but I can hardly get an hour in due to constant fatigue. Is this medication related? I've been on abilify for a few years but only noticed the tiredness recently.", "answer": "If youve been on aripiprazole for a while and the dose hasnt been changed of late, it seems unlikely to be due to this. Might be worthwhile getting a routine checkup with your GP/PCP though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5hvbo0", "comment_id": "db3ifyy"}, {"question": "How do I get my therapist to medicate me? I am depressed, anxious, and constantly obsessing over intrusive thoughts.", "description": "I (24F) have been seeing a therapist for issues involving resentment of my partner, based off how they treated me in the past. I have been on antidepressants before, and Klonopin, but I stopped taking them. Every medicine I've been on has, eventually, made me feel like a numb, zombie living in autopilot. I have only been off then for a year but I have only gotten worse. The issues with my partner spiraled after they, more recently, hurt me. Basically I just feel depressed and anxious as hell and I have constant mental images and intrusive thoughts. At this point, I feel medication is the only way because just the act of therapy is not stopping the mental/physical torment I have been dealing with.", "answer": "Definitely ask! \n\nI'm really sorry to hear your past meds weren't helpful to you and had bad side effects. Meds in conjunction with therapy can be really helpful. Sometimes, after a long depression, your brain has to be retrained (this is a very simplistic version, I'm happy to explain more in detail if that is helpful ), to property start using neurotransmitters again.\n\nAnyway, for some people, medication can help rebuild neural pathways (there is lots of research on depression and neural pathways you can search) while they work on underlying issues. \n\nWith a few exceptions (like benzos) meds aren't effective enough to \"mask\" depression and anxiety symptoms. There is no evidence that typical frontline meds can be used as a crutch or change who you are in any way. \n\nDepending on where you live, most therapists can't prescribe medications . However, your therapist may be able to refer you to a trusted psychiatrist or other provider who can discuss medication options. You can let the psychiatrist know that what you tried in the past didn't help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0zn5h", "comment_id": "ftpdknr"}, {"question": "My cat-fueled realization", "description": "As I'm sure is the case for a lot of you, the end of the year is always a weird time for me. Chronic depression usually rears its ugly head and, like every few weeks or months, I try to battle it as well as I can.\n\nThis year, it was my first \"end of the year\" away from home. Well, I do feel home where I live, but you now, \"away from where I grew up\".\n\nI ended up not doing that well, but not fucking up everything, all things considered. My apartment is covered in trash, which I'm slowly but surely getting rid of (Finally cleaned up the kitchen today ! I can finally cook again. I haven't been able to approach it for about two months... Got two tables to clean up and about 6 bags of trash I've picked up to take out, along with a mountain of cardboard) and I've managed to completely fuck up my budget by overspending for 4 months straight (Food won't be an issue though. Got enough to last about 2 months).\n\nAnyway, as the title implies, I had a realization a few minutes ago. I don't think it'll cure me of anything, but it feels pretty great.\n\nIn early july, I adopted a cat. He was about seven weeks old, white ball of fluff with grey marks on the head, the back and the paws. For the first 12 hours at home, he was terrified. He hid under the couch and didn't move. I was patient and setup a bowl with food, another one with water, some toys, a litter box and I got mentally ready to leave him be for a good week, while he explores and gets used to his new home.\n\nI'll forever remember getting out of my bedroom the next day, about 12 hours after he came home, to this purring little ball of fluff that was waiting in front of my door for me to pet it and play with it.\n\nI don't know how, but, somehow, he'd adopted me in the span of one night.\n\nOver the next few months, every single day, he'd snuggle near me in bed, wake up alongside me and ask for food, some head pats and a little attention. Then when I come back from work, the same circus again, with more excitement and desire to play on his part. We usually end up the day by me sitting in front of the computer, him snuggled on the desk against my chest and purring like there'd be no tomorrow.\n\nAnd even we I have bad days and lose my temper (it's happened quite a lot lately), shout at him or punish him, he always comes back purring, asking for a snuggle.\n\nThat cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now. And so my realization of today: if something is able to love me so much, I may not be such a useless, trash human being. I may not know what he sees in me to have taken to me so fast and so much, but I now know there's \\*something\\* good in there. And it's a thing I think I'll be able to cling onto whenever things start to spiral downwards again.", "answer": "[Time spent with cats is never wasted. \n~ Freud](https://i.imgur.com/JIpF5uI.jpg)\n\n \n\n> That cat loves me. He loves me more than anything else and, honestly, he may be the most important constant in my life right now.\n\nSo cute!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado2yj", "comment_id": "ediw87z"}, {"question": "Advice on where to look at while walking.", "description": " Sorry, I couldn't think of a better sub to ask but I'm gonna try my luck. I was too damn shy when I was younger, and now that I gained confidence these couple of years, I still have some 'basic' stuffs I haven't yet ironed out. \n\n\nSo question is... Where should I keep my eyes at while walking? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI often walk long stretches around university (alone most of the time) and this question pops up into my head repeatedly. Should I be looking at people far ahead or people near me? I enjoy looking at people, rather than my cellphone. I don't think that's creepy, but I wonder if people get creeped out by people like me? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAlso, sometimes when I inevitably make eye contact with women (at times a few seconds, I'm male btw), I try my best to casually look away without 'appearing like I got caught/ nervous'. Do women get offended when this happens? \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Keep your head up, look at where you're walking, straight ahead. If something or someone catches your eye, fine to look for a few seconds but don't stare for longer than that. \n\n\nAs others have said, if you make eye contact with someone, you can look away and keep walking or give them a quick acknowledgement whether that be a nod, a hello, good morning, etc. This last part is hard for people who aren't used to it, but if you practice it, you'll find yourself feeling a lot more confident in general and it'll be easier to actually start conversations with people when you want. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6jit1", "comment_id": "ejl1hf5"}, {"question": "Dengue", "description": "I want to travel to Madeira in a few days. I know there was an outbreak of Dengue in 2012 and there are Aedes mosquitos. I'm a little woried, because my dad has only one kidney left. What would you advice?", "answer": "\"Walking the levadas (ancient irrigation channels) can be challenging. Choose only the ones that are suited to your own standard of fitness and experience. Be prepared for narrow, uneven paths and heights. Wear suitable clothing and walking boots. Leave details of where you are going with your hotel reception and take your mobile telephone with you. Better still, join a group of walkers and go with a guide. Take extra care if it has rained as the ground may be slippery and unstable. Check with your tour guide or local organiser that it is safe to visit before setting off.\" (UK FCO travel advice).\n\nOtherwise have a good time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5hyq6c", "comment_id": "db3zxmx"}, {"question": "How to handle an apology?", "description": "I've got the apologizing part down, that's fine, but then what? Once you say I'm sorry, how does the conversation work? \n\nI'm asking because I just apologized to a superior for a mistake I made at work, and once that happened, the conversation turned really awkward. I mean, he took the apology and everything, but how do you respond to stuff like, \"I know it's really hard to apologize and I really appreciate you doing that\"? And how do you wrap up and get away if you have nothing more to say?", "answer": "I think a thank you is very appropriate, followed by a pause. If they don't say anything after a few moments, you can try to transition the conversation away from the apology, or try to conclude the conversation. Since this is your boss, you shouldn't decide the conversation is over--don't see \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Well, I'm going to get back to work.\" Instead, let your boss decide by saying something like \"Thanks--I appreciate you accepting my apology. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss, or should I get back to work?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vmmyj", "comment_id": "c55zo64"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t feel stomach, body won\u2019t let me eat", "description": "26 White M 5\u20198 145lbs\n\nOkay I never know how to explain these things. I\u2019ve been having problems with my stomach lately and I can\u2019t find anything online. \n\nThis has lasted about 3 weeks \n\nHere\u2019s what\u2019s up: \n\n- Stomach starts to gurgle like it\u2019s hungry but doesn\u2019t, just stays as a gas bubble (I get excited when it rumbles)\n\n- Won\u2019t digest food properly, very slow\n\n- Constipated\n\n- Rapid weight loss (was 198 in March, now 145 if that has to do with anything)\n\n- Can\u2019t feel hunger or full\n\n- Have to force myself to eat\n\n- When I look at food, sometimes water, hunger/thirst feeling goes away (anxiety I guess?)\n\n- Nauseous \n\n- Thought I was going to puke a couple times, heaved but nothing\n\nBasically what I\u2019m saying is I can\u2019t feel my stomach, pretty much at all. I could go all day without eating and not feel a thing. It feels like a nerve could be damaged? It\u2019s like everything is just sitting on top of each other, going nowhere\n\nIndigestion? \nReally bad constipation? I used to have terrible OIC a long time ago, but I could still had feeling in my stomach. \n\n- Have chronic back pain, ptsd, depression, anxiety \n- Am on Gabapentin (1200mg 2/day), Norco (5-325mg 1-1.5 tabs/day, Cymbalta 90mg 1/day, Klonopin (only 1 .25mg at night now) \n\n- Went from taking 10-15 opiates a day to about 2-3 since around March. \n- I smoke weed to handle the withdrawals. \n\nIf I think of anything else, I\u2019ll add to this \nWhat could be going on?\n\nEdit: Added things\n\nEdit 2: Gastroparesis?\n\nUpdate: Doctor is referring me to a Gastroenterologist. Could be gastroparesis.", "answer": "Opioids, particularly with chronic use, can cause and worsen gastroparesis. It sounds like you're already reducing the amount taken, which is good. What isn't so clear is whether these are prescribed opioids, in which case there's an obvious doctor to discuss the problem with, or whether you've been acquiring and now tapering on your own, in which case I still encourage you to discuss with a doctor who's managing some of your other symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ec91er", "comment_id": "fbahm4z"}, {"question": "I need help but am extremely concerned about involuntary commitment to a mental health facility.", "description": "So as stated things are going off the rails in my mind but I'm worried that if I'm honest with a therapist they will not let me leave. It is my understanding that in Colorado it's a 72-hour holding time and one might argue that it's better for me if I'm concerned about it. I know that I pose no immediate threat to myself or others and have never intentionally hurt myself or anyone else. But I'm worried that if I tell a therapist how much I think about suicide they will disagree. I've thought about using strategies to try to get them to focus on other things or just minimizing the severity of the problems while building trust and allowing them to observe relatively stable activity with the hope of telling them the truth later. But I'm not confident I could effectively withhold information from a professional if I'm attempting to actually receive treatment and I believe this would be counterproductive. I know that getting help is the only way but another part of me feels that getting help might set me so far back that I should just figure it out on my own. So I guess my question is how concerned should I be? How often do you commit someone to a facility and what are the reasons you do so? And maybe, what will it be like if it happens?\n\nEdit: exchanged \"might be counterproductive\" for \"would be...\"\n\nEdit 2: changed \"my therapist\" to \"a therapist\"", "answer": "This varies a bit by license , but in general, in the US you can't be involuntarily committed unless you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. Seriously, the American Healthcare system CAN'T EVEN when people are in danger . Sometimes new clinicians are a little overzealous and freak out, but any seasoned clinician can tell the difference between despair that leads to suicidal ideation and actual suicidal intent. In any case, it takes several professionals to get admitted involuntarily. \n\nIn my state, I could LOSE MY LICENSE if I committed someone without plan and intent .\n\nSo, saying you think about it 24/7 is different than saying you have a plan that can be carried out. \n\nYou have the right to ask before you share anything. \"How do you decide when to voluntarily commit someone?\n\nAlso, it is kind of rare to be involuntarily committed in my experience. Most psychologists will give people every damn opportunity to voluntarily admit. I have seen paramedics hold people 's hands so they can sign after an intentional overdose. Even when we think you need to be there , most of us what your dignity intact as much as possible.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hdiy3y", "comment_id": "fvlnaw5"}, {"question": "Relationship with Ex-Therapist is making depression so much worse. What do I do?", "description": "Everyone is telling me that my ex-therapist (we'll call him Calvin) is a pervert and a creep. But the thing is, he helped me so much when I was in therapy with him that I'm reluctant to report him, even though what he did was completely wrong (inviting me to his house, pouring me alcohol, making me stay the night, embarking on a sexual relationship). I tried to kill myself last year and have been through many different types of therapy ever since. I'm currently seeing another therapist (we'll call her Sally) who is urging me to report Calvin and get his license taken away, and my depression is so bad that I'm still having persistent thoughts of suicide. I'm struggling so much--I feel so responsible for not saying NO to Calvin and for being so attracted to him in the beginning. \n\nIf anyone has any advice, or has been in any sort of relationship with their ex-therapist before (Calvin and I were never intimate until therapy ended), it would help me very much to hear it. I've looked everywhere and can't find any information on relationships with ex-therapists, so I'm at a loss for what to do. I know I should probably report him, but I feel so responsible for our relationship, too. And my depression is just spiraling out of control.", "answer": "Calvin's behavior is wildly unethical on so many levels. There are reasons why therapists are ethically banned from engaging in any relationship outside of treatment, let alone romantic or sexual relationships. Clients are vulnerable in the therapeutic relationship and as thus the therapist has some power in that relationship, and engaging in a romantic relationship is abusing that power. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1l26x5", "comment_id": "cbvd176"}, {"question": "Dear friend", "description": "(tw suicide, maybe)\n\nLook, I know you have your own problems. You've been struggling with anxiety and depression this year, you've never been away from home before... I get it. It's shitty. I've been here for you. We all have. \n\nAnd I understand that you won't always have time/energy for other people's problems (even if you expect us to always have time/energy for you and yours). That's okay, and it's one of the reasons I try to stay positive around you. Not everybody is good at being a shoulder to cry on (even if that's something you pride yourself on, despite never really doing it).\n\nBut if I'm talking in a group chat about how I am trying to find a reason not to kill myself *at this very moment*, maybe you could try to hold off talking about your problems for five minutes. No, I'm being selfish. After all, not being able to find a jar of peanut butter is so much more important than your friend of 10+ years staring down a bottle of painkillers.", "answer": "I'm going through this issue with my best friend, who often \"one-ups\" the issues I complain about. I hope you feel better and have other friends that are better listeners.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "264p5h", "comment_id": "chnvdsg"}, {"question": "a-ha quote: lifelong marketing lies", "description": "Good morning all,\n\nI was reading *The Naked Mind* this morning and came across a passage that really hit hard and I wanted to share it incase it helps anyone else. \n\n**\"When promoting alcohol, marketers sell a better human experience: relief from the human condition. And in doing so, we promise the opposite of what alcohol really provides. We sell happiness where there is pain. We sell romantic relationships when alcohol destroys healthy, fulfilling relationships. We sell sex when drinking deadens your senses and, as a depressant, actually decreases sexual desire, making it difficult to achieve erections and orgasm. \u2026. We sell stress relief when addiction derails your life. We sell increased mental capacity and creativity, yet drinking slows our brain function, resulting in less intelligent and creative thought.\"**\n\n\\-Annie Grace, *This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life* (pp. 83-84)\n\nIt's just insane to me how we have been sold a lie our entire lives about what alcohol is and how it affects the body and mind. Whenever I start to feel left out of this world of glittering champagne flutes that the media keeps pushing down my throat or the wine culture that tries to convince me that somehow a nightly glass of wine is as essential to being a 30-year-old professional woman as my sensible flats are then I know I can look to this passage to remind myself to pull further out and see the entire picture. Not just the filtered version that the alcohol companies want me to see. ", "answer": "Its amazing...i recently came across a very old yogs book which was published in the 60's. There, right in the middle of the book, was an advert for cigarettes. ... i couldnt believe it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8wtx37", "comment_id": "e1ywhwo"}, {"question": "Exercising is *causing* my depression. WTF is wrong with me?", "description": "I'm a 26-year-old male that's 5'8\" and 170 lbs. I've finally started taking my health seriously, so I signed up at my local gym about 3 months ago, and I've been consistently exercising 3 days per week since then. It's been the biggest damn mistake I've ever made.\n\nI've heard people rave about how exercise is the answer to all the world's problems at least 10,000 times before (conservative estimate). I've heard all the promises of increased confidence, happiness, energy, girls throwing themselves at you, solving world hunger, etc. So I figured I would give it a try. Unfortunately I'm feeling like I stupidly fell for a bunch of lies and snake oil.\n\nWhenever I'm finished working out, I always get hit with a really strong wave of depression. It's bad. During my drive home, I'm usually flooded with thoughts of sadness, self-hatred, shame, etc. I often start sobbing during my showers afterwards. I've even started fantasizing about suicide lately during these spells (even though I'm not clinically depressed and I've never once felt suicidal during my 25 years of not working out). I thought this might have been a temporary thing when I first started out, but it's only gotten worse over time. I hate feeling like this, and it's a really strong anti-motivator for exercising. It always feels like a punishment, never a reward.\n\nI generally stay hydrated, eat a halfway-decent diet (including right before/after workouts), and sleep 8 hours per night. I've heard all the by-the-book suggestions, and they don't seem to make much difference. I still don't feel good before, during, or after exercise. I've never felt a single second of pleasure, happiness, or \"endorphins\". I've only felt fatigue, pain, dread, and regret.\n\nSo far I've tried walking, running, weightlifting, basketball, biking, and racquetball. I haven't enjoyed any of these activities. I've even tried switching gyms and running/biking on different trails, thinking that the change of scenery might help. But that hasn't worked either. If I'm being honest, I don't see the benefit in doing this any more more. I'm not interested in looking \"sexy\" or whatever, I'm not interested in squatting 220 lbs, and I'm not interested in running a 10K one day. I'm only forcing myself to exercise because smart people say I should, but I can't keep putting myself through this suffering forever. I'm really close to running out of gas. If I become obese and die of a heart attack at age 50, then so be it.\n\nI've seen two separate primary care doctors about this. The first doctor just looked at me like I had 10 heads and said \"that's not supposed to happen\". Her only suggestion was to consult with a therapist. She didn't call me crazy, but I can take a hint. The second doctor ran a variety of blood tests (including thyroid function, testosterone levels, iron levels, etc). Everything came back normal.\n\nWTF is going on here? My experience is the 180-degree polar opposite of EVERYONE else's (and I'm constantly reminded of this all the time), but nobody seems to know why. I feel really discouraged and hopeless. I'm beginning to think my health and fitness is just a lost cause. This whole self-improvement deal has gone way down the wrong direction.... :(\n\nI know it's a longshot, but has anyone here ever heard of anything like this? Any suggestions or advice you might have for me? Thanks for reading.", "answer": "Is your depression caused by any sort of trauma? Trauma can be held somatically (meaning in the body) and sometimes things like exercise can begin releasing it, bringing up a lot of difficult emotions. Working with a somatic therapist or at least a trauma informed therapist can help. Yoga is also good as others have mentioned. \n\nYou might also try exercise that gets you outside in nature instead of the gym?", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "a27mi0", "comment_id": "eaw9r6n"}, {"question": "depression as nocebo effect?", "description": "I just watched this video on mass psychogenic illnesses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2hO4_UEe-4&feature=youtu.be where basically you get symptoms of a disease just because you are told you have it. I (and other scholars) view 'depression' as just an arbitrary list of symptoms (anxiety, inability to sleep, decreased energy levels, give or take)-- the cause of the symptoms being the controversial issue (chemical, psychosocial)...\nso then thought: if you just see it as a nocebo effect, that you get the symptoms because you are constantly told about these symptoms, then it all seems quite silly.", "answer": "You're making an incorrect assumption about depression's causality. Because you and your scholars view depression as an arbitrary list of symptoms, you assume that's what depression is. The symptoms of depression are not as vague and relative as you listed off. It has detailed phrases, and specific time criteria in order to meet a diagnosis. Most importantly, the diagnosis requires you to suffer from \"marked distress\" that's negatively impacting your everyday life, as noted by a diagnostician. Unless you have all of these things, and confirmed by a professional, you wont actually have depression.\n\nYou shouldn't form conclusions based on premises like that of \"psychogenic illnesses\". People can be persuaded into believing they have nearly any mental health diagnosis, so this occurrence doesn't put depression's legitimacy into question. We see this in nearly every field that labels human cognition and behavior. It's the same reason people go into hospitals convinced they have bird flu only after hearing about it on the news. Same reason (among others for this specific example) more parents believe their children have autism, We tend to believe the things we hear impact our lives.\n\nDepression can occur in someone for a handful of reasons. We know many people develop depression from trauma, chemical inbalances, etc. You shouldn't see depression simply for its nocebo effect. The nocebo effect exists, but it only exists in those that simply don't understand.\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3y9fav", "comment_id": "cybn7id"}, {"question": "Still sober at 640", "description": "Hello sober friends! I've been away from here for a while. I wanted to pop in and say hello, I'm still sober, still taking care of myself. \n\n640 days is where I'm at, and it's pretty neat to see the days, but I'm at the point where the days don't really mean as much to me as they once did. I'll take it as a good thing. \n\nI will not drink with you today! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hi 640 buddy! ... thanks for posting because its nice to see someone else who stopped the day I did having success and rediscovering the rewarding complexities of life that only sobriety can give. I will not drink with you today!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dct9jo", "comment_id": "f2d5rh0"}, {"question": "WOW... Did my therapist just explain away all my ADHD-symptoms by claiming I simply never learned how to cook/clean/be productive while growing up?! Oh yes she did!", "description": "Today my therapist finally explained to me why she doesn't think I have ADHD. I've told her about my somewhat dysfunctional upbringing, and of course about all my symptoms now as an adult, which is everything I read about in this sub and more.\n\nGuess what she finally told me? \"It's clear to me that you just never learned all these things (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, getting stuff done) when you were growing up, so you will just need to learn these skills now as an adult instead.\" I mean... WHAT?! I was so shook that I just sat there staring at her. I have never felt so misunderstood in my life...", "answer": "I think the problem people like this therapist have is that they don't quite believe their clients.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwwhf4", "comment_id": "f7n9dlt"}, {"question": "Do online therapy companies use EMRs? If not do they need to keep patient info?", "description": "Curious about how online therapy like talkspace goes through with this process.", "answer": "I have never used talk space, but state laws require that charts be kept.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3iln", "comment_id": "fxfi6fi"}, {"question": "How much helpful is psychotherapy in crucial decision making situations?", "description": "I am in a very bad situation (mental health) right now, and I need some advice to fix things. Is it okay to go for psychotherapy and seek out advice?", "answer": "Therapy can be helpful BUT you will want to seek out a therapist who uses a solution-focused modality if you are looking for someone to take a more hands on approach to help you \"fix things\". Seeking out advice is not something therapists ethically can dole out constantly. They strive to help give you the tools to make those decisions on your own. A solution-focused approach gives more support in this area compared to other approaches.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dwby3v", "comment_id": "f7i31y3"}, {"question": "I could not have done any of this had I been drinking", "description": "Last day of my vacation with my children. Driving home/hope. This has reaffirmed my humanity. This would not have happened had I not stopped drinking. I love my kids so much. I will not drink today.", "answer": "Well done. Holidays can be tough with kids in ways too... but definately not made easier by hangovers.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfyj8w", "comment_id": "eue9sle"}, {"question": "Cold getting worse.", "description": "Hello ! I am a 19 years old female and two weeks ago, I started to have a sore throat and I was coughing a lot. My sore throat stopped a few days after but the coughing was getting worst. I was coughing so hard to the point I couldn't get any air and I almost threw up a few time because of my cough. I went to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist what I could do to feel better. He told me to take Ventolin and Flovent (I do not have asthma anymore but still have my meds for it) and honey for the cough. I was getting better but on December 26th, I started to have a sore throat again and my nose started to drip. The cough didn't worsen but blood vessels in my eyes started to pop due to the constant cough. My parents suggested me to go see a doctor in case it's a pneumonia but I think it's just a bad cold. I don't know if I should listen to them or wait to see if it disappear.\n\nI also had a small fever (101.4) on December 22nd, 23rd and 27th. ", "answer": "Still sounds like the [common cold](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx) rather than pneumonia, though if you get shortness of breath then it would be wise to seek assistance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kyq3o", "comment_id": "dbrmpnp"}, {"question": "My Fianc\u00e9 wants me to get an abortion, yet i want to keep it, but i don't want to lose him. help.", "description": "recently my fianc\u00e9 and I just moved to a state where i've never lived. I have no family in the state animal friends with no job either but i am currently in college. he is also in college with no job but he's being paid through the army to go to school. He already has a child and is a very good father even though his kid lives with his ex wife. He's been wanting another one and we've always joked about it. About four weeks ago when i found out He was excited. super excited. but now that we actually got here and he's in school he wants me to get rid of it. I'm 8 weeks. i don't want to get rid of it but i don't want to lose him. i don't know what to do. ", "answer": "It's your decision 100%. This is a forever decision so be 100% certain it's the right one for YOU.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ynbeq", "comment_id": "dmongq6"}, {"question": "Can I Get Mental Health Advice Without Parental Knowledge? (UK)", "description": "Since I've just turned 16, I've decided to finally address an issue that's been bothering me for a while. My mental health.\n\nSo the back story is that, 2-3 years ago some bad things have happened, that I'd not like to go into. And recently I've been noticing the effect (such as anxious intrusive thoughts, mistrust, and for lack of a better term: unloading my struggles on them for help) on my interactions and relationships with people I care a great deal about. So I'm scared this is going to alienate them or cause them distress. Which would make me feel awful. Something like this has happened before and I've tried addressing the issue alone but to no avail. Loneliness has been an ongoing issue.\n\nAnother issue that is tied into this is my, bad moments, for lack of a proper term. These involve; crying, shaking, desperate thoughts, trouble confirming breathing, occasionally thoughts of self harm, irrational intrusive thoughts. And usually keep me up at night. These moments last an hour or two (and occur about once or twice a month) and I'd usually ask someone I trust to intervene though I'd like to ask a professional to help me find ways to stop burdening others with this.\n\nThese two issue in particular bother me, and have for the last 2 years. Though they've been getting better.\n\nBack to my question, my parents have shown a very cynical approach to mental health. Therefore I'd like to avoid telling them about seeking help. Though I'm not sure if there is a legal way to go about this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for hearing me out.", "answer": "As everyone else has said, you can speak to your GP in confidence.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "76ee8j", "comment_id": "doe47y8"}, {"question": "How can I help my partner who feels unfullfilled in his job and has confessed to having suicidal thoughts.", "description": "Basically the title, It's been 8 years and I've handled his depression on and off. The current bought is because he *hates* his job. It's so hard for me to console him. I have no idea how to help him or even what words of comfort I can give him other than the usual I love yous, we will get through this, ect. \n\nI can't imagine my life without him and am terrified of him following through on his suicidal thoughts. I stay up most nights watching him breath in bed next to me, just bawling at the thought of him being so unhappy that he wants to end his life. \n\nI just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and scared. ", "answer": "These are all good suggestions. It may help for you to learn and understand more about what suicidal thoughts are. One of the books I typically recommend people read to understand suicide more is, \"Why people die by suicide\". It's fairly understandable as it is written for laypeople. \n\nWhile suicidal thoughts certainly are scary, the best things you can do, as the partner are the following:\n(1) tell him you want to know what and how he is feeling, (2) telling him that yes, it may be scary but you can handle it. And if it is overwhelming you know where to go for help (but you need to actually know. And a therapist is great for this)\n\nThe vast majority of people that have suicidal thoughts do not attempt suicide because there are many reasons for living that are stronger than the reasons for dying. Don't be so scared of thoughts of death that it becomes a barrier to enjoying things together and having a life. \n\nIt sounds to me like he really does hate his job. People can deal with miserable circumstances if they feel there is an end in sight (hope that things will get better). When there is not hope of things improving the risk of suicide shoots way through the rough. (This hope or the lack thereof is actually one of the best predictors of suicide that we know). As such, help him and support him to find things about his work situation that could be eventually better. (Getting more training, applying for other jobs, going to school, changing career, retirement...)\n\nMaking a connection with a therapist and having an established relationship with a helping professional that you and he trust will be helpful now. And most importantly, it will be even more important should things get worse. \n\nI think you are perhaps the person most in the world that can help and support your partner, I personally think it would be a mistake for you to not be involved in treatment. I have tried to make this response as brief as possible, happy to say more or clarify if you have questions. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "act78r", "comment_id": "edb2l4a"}, {"question": "Feminine Care and ADHD", "description": "\nFair warning, this post will be about periods and birth control. If that icks you out, turn back now.\n\nI\u2019m a female with ADHD. While there are many struggles this causes, I\u2019ve come to share the solutions I\u2019ve found for the things in my life that I can\u2019t let my ADHD interfere with.\n\n*Periods*\nThat time of the month has always been my least favorite (and I would assume it\u2019s the same for all people with uteruses that shed their linings). The worst is forgetting to change my pad or tampon. I\u2019ve been at work or school, too distracted by socializing or hyper focused on the thing I\u2019m working on, when I feel it. The leaking. My panties are ruined, and I\u2019m stuck with gross bloodiness until I can get back home and change.\n\nSolution: menstrual cup! I thought it would be gross at first, putting this thing inside my vagina and emptying out the blood it collects, but it turns out it\u2019s way cleaner than tampons or pads. I never have blood in my panties or on my labia. The best part- it only needs to be changed twice a day! No longer do I have to remember if it\u2019s been 4 or 6 hours since my last tampon change. Now, I insert the cup at 7am, I know it must be changed by 7pm. That\u2019s way easier to remember.\n\n\n*Birth Control*\nDespite setting an alarm on my phone, I could never keep up with the pill. I\u2019m married, and lack of impulse control has made me a bit risky with condoms. I know there\u2019s the shot and the implant, but all the friends I\u2019ve seen use those methods gained at least 30lbs. \n\nSolution: IUD! I was so afraid it would hurt, but I felt no pain at all. I took ibuprofen and did yoga breathing during insertion.\nThe best part- I don\u2019t have to worry about birth control for 10 years! It\u2019s the kind without hormones, so my periods and moods are unaffected.\n\nI just wanted to share some of my solutions for the things that were seriously impacting my life because of ADHD. I know these solutions might not work for everyone, but if you\u2019re suffering in the same way I was, I highly recommend you give these a try.", "answer": "Also, this post and comment thread needs to be much higher on the feed!! Women we need to upvote!!!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bplud7", "comment_id": "enw59uq"}, {"question": "My lady friend is back after 5 months aboard.", "description": "So my lady friend is back after being abroad for 5 months and I am very happy. I missed her while she was away more than I care to admit. We got brunch today and we talked for hours. It was very nice and I feel very happy. \n\nThat is all. I know this isn't the usual offmychest post but I'm so happy I just have to tell someone. \nIt's very nice.", "answer": "I'm on the same boat. 3 more months until I see her again! I can't wait! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "49kpme", "comment_id": "d0th2c0"}, {"question": "Day One Again.", "description": "Been subscribed to this subreddit for 4 years. Off and on sobriety the whole time. Longest I've ever lasted is 4 months. Once 30 days. Other than that barely one day. \n\n\nWent to a meeting today. Cried. I think I'm finally ready. Just needed to type that out for myself. No recognition needed. That is all.", "answer": "find your moment that keeps you sober and hold it true to your heart and remind yourself time again what that is and what it feels like both good and bad whatever. Its a mental memento thats important for the day to day stuff. I'm sober with you today.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4tawfy", "comment_id": "d5gdwk6"}, {"question": "Yep now my kitchen needs redecorating", "description": "So I was doing my son some toast under the grill but of course nature calls I come out 15 mins later to the wall behind the grill looking like scorched earth box of tissues and a magazine on fire luckily I was able to put it out kids safe which is the main thing but fml.", "answer": "Ugh I\u2019m so sorry that happened and glad you\u2019re all safe. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akmyok", "comment_id": "ef66dtw"}, {"question": "M21 super nervous/anxious for first date that's in 6 hrs and i don't know what to do", "description": "I posted before for advice on asking a girl out. But I never thought she'd say yes. I've known her for a few months now and finally grew half a pair and finally asked her. Tonight is our first date going to a restaurant. Since we're in college in the middle of nowhere and my parents absolutely refuse to let me drive even though im a senior and the girl just moved here so she has no car either my friend is kind enough to drive the both of us. Anyways im really nervous, anxious w/e.... My head is like stuck in a loop i don't think i'll be able to walk right when i see her. holy shit what do I do and any tips lol", "answer": "think \"one thing at a time.\" memorize a list of a few topics so you don't fumble in crunch time", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s8erd", "comment_id": "ddd3zda"}, {"question": "Depersonalization experiences?", "description": "Recently I remembered a traumatic event from my childhood (one of many lol) and I've been having a lot of feelings of depersonalization. Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "Yes, definitely. I could be wrong, but I think it is more common with complex PTSD. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5o872m", "comment_id": "dchd7if"}, {"question": "An open note to /u/AspieWarrior", "description": "I'm going to be incredibly blunt here, and I'm in no position of power to enforce anything or take an official stance, so take it as a rant or whatever. This is entirely from my perspective. \n\nThis subreddit, in my view, is for our fellow aspies to help each other come over our common obstacles and even our not so common obstacles; as well as I place of enlightenment so that we may learn just how much we are both hindered and assisted by our condition. Occasionally an interest thread my pop up and give us all a bit of extra insight into something. \n\nThe issue I have is appear to be attempting to claim this subreddit as a staging platform for your personal blog. I have just hit 5 running posts on my front page, all to different articles on your blog. If you want us to read your blog, introduce it, and yourself to us, make us aware of what you are trying to achieve, what the blog is specifically about, etc. \n\nEven then, only post links to any particularly large posts which grant insight, not random thoughts; or even better, let someone else post them. As it stands now you just appear (to me) to be attention seeking and/or karma whoring. \n\nIf anyone else has anything at all to say on this, please feel free to add it below. \n\nEdit: Please keep it civil. \n\nEdit 2: wow peeps, seriously calling him out on not replying to a post less than 4 hours old? People sleep and work ya know. Here is his reply. \n\nEdit 3: this was resolved a while ago. There is now no need to continue this. ", "answer": "HOW IN THE HELL is a guy with 38 karma \"karma whoring?\"\n\nHe probably posts more original content than 99% of reddit ever has, for that matter. Maybe you don't like the content. Well, downvote it. It seems people have already chosen that option\n\nHow is a guy with 0 karma points on almost all of his posts making it to your front page?\n\nDoes reddit work differently for you than everybody else?\n\nIf you did get 5 running posts by the same guy on your front page, how much does it harm you to scroll 3 extra inches down your screen?\n\nEven if this guy had the worst intentions in the world, he would still be merely \"attempting\" to use this subreddit as a staging platform for his personal blog.\n\nI would suggest you think long and hard over what you are allowing yourself to get worked up about. Does AspieWarrior have the problem here? It doesn't seem like it to me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "yncep", "comment_id": "c5xdb16"}, {"question": "I [20/m] have feelings for my best friend [21/f], don't know what to do.", "description": "I'm in my first year of university and have known her for about 8 months. I didn't realize I had feelings for her until 2-3 months ago. At first my response was to try backing off and hope the feelings would fade away. Usually that's what happens to me as I've only had long lasting feelings once before. But they didn't die and now I can't figure out what to do. I really don't want to risk our friendship because I value it a lot and a few of my other important friendships would also be hurt if my relation with her was hurt. I see her every day usually including the weekends.\n\nI can't go on like this because whilst I feel great being around her and just seeing her makes me happy. It hurts so much when I hear about her being with other guys and I get a little jealous just seeing her talking to guys. Sometimes this ruins an entire day. \n\nShe probably doesn't have feelings for me and I'm not sure of what kind of outcome I want. The best would probably be for my feelings to die, but she's quite amazing and I don't get these kind of feelings often.\n\nRight now I'm thinking about telling her or potentially ask a friend for advice, but both of those are quite terrifying to me.", "answer": "Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate and is mature, you'll stay best friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jsv6", "comment_id": "dgqygpo"}, {"question": "School isn't everything", "description": "With the start of a new school year (well here in Australia at least) I am seeing the usual crop of articles and facebook stuff about how important it is to do well in your final year of school. That final year, that is the year that will define you, or so they say.\n\nThere is a hell of a lot of pressure on school. However school with ADHD is hard, really hard. \n\n**High School WILL NOT DEFINE YOU**\n\nYou will hear some people tell you this, but everyone else will say you should study hard in high school otherwise you will get nowhere. \n\nIt wont define you. At all. \n\n**I know this for a fact.** When I did my final year of high school I was undiagnosed and did no work and no study, I had no motivation, I hated it, it was like being at prison. So no surprise when results came out I did not do well (For reference we have a system where the top mark is 99.95, which is the top .05 percentile and it decreases from there). I got 58, so I was in the 42 percentile (I think that is right lol, I didn't do maths past year 10).\n\nMy marks were so low I couldn't go to university. I went to TAFE (equivalent to a community college). I followed what I enjoyed and four years later I was doing law at one of the top law schools in the country. I was sitting in lectures with people straight out of high school who got 99.95. \n\nThat may not be the path for you. What is important is to remember **you are not defined by what you did in high school when you are 17/18 years old. Follow your heart and you will find something that you love and will crush at.** Everyone will be saying how important it is to do well in high school, but it isn't, and they don't know shit.\n\nMake your own path, whether it is transfer around to Uni, whether it is to work with your hands, whatever it is, follow your heart, not what your school and school friends tell you should be your path! It might take you a little longer to get there, but I guarantee you will be happier and better at it when you do!\n\n**TL;DR: High school does not define who you are. You can make your own path. No one knows what they want to do at 18, and not doing super amazing at high school will NEVER stop you achieving what you want in life.** ", "answer": "This. Thankyou.\n\nI didn't graduate and I'm a year away from being a registered psychologist and doing what I'm so passionate about. I've already achieved so much. \n\nMy mother in law keeps speculating what my daughter will do when shes older, a doctor, dentist, surgeon etc. It actually frustrates me because I couldn't care less what she does as long as she's passionate about it and it supports her enough financially that she can follow whatever her dreams are.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "amlp8h", "comment_id": "efnjo6y"}, {"question": "Is there any other way to control a low-grade fever besides taking painkillers?", "description": "Early 20's Caucasian female, healthy weight, diagnosed with endometriosis (which I've had since I was a young teen). When I first developed symptoms of endometriosis I started on birth control, and once that lost its effectiveness I switched to progesterone only pills, which I've been on continuously for the past five years. I had surgery and was also on Lupron for one year. I have an identical twin who seems to have lupus and is currently being treated for that, but I also have some autoimmune symptoms and several blood markers indicative of SLE. \n\nOne of the potentially autoimmune symptoms that has been bugging me the longest - for a little over 4 years now - is a chronic low grade fever. Ever since this started, my normal baseline temperature has raised slightly to 98.6 (this is when I don't have a fever). Almost like clockwork on a near daily basis, my temperature will rise to about 99.5 around noon and stay that way until late in the evening. There's some fluctuation of course - sometimes my temperature is lower, at about 99.2-99.3, other times it's a little higher, but it rarely breaks 100. It will occasionally dip back down to the 98.6 range throughout the day, and the feverish feelings seem to reach their peak in the late afternoon and early evening.\n\nI've never received a proper answer as to what this could be. For a while it was thought to be autoimmune, but once it was discovered that my case isn't straightforward, I was kind of dropped by my doctors... I don't have a severe autoimmune disease, or a difinitive one that's obvious. My doctors who aren't well versed in gynecology or endometriosis say that it's probably hormonal. My gynecologist says it's not, because I'm not estrogen deficient in the way that these other doctors think I am (he says most doctors really don't understand hormones well or how to read hormone panels). He says that even though I am somewhat estrogen deficient, he's never known of any patient who developed a fever due to the kind of hormone therapy I'm on. \n\nThis has become very frustrating. I live somewhere that gets very hot during the summer, and I feel like I can't even go outside anymore. I feel cold and clammy but also hot and feverish for long stretches of time almost every day. The only solution I've been offered is to take Tylenol every day, making sure I don't exceed 3,000 mg. I don't like this option because I don't like the idea of just downing painkillers every day when I'm not in a lot of pain. \n\nDo you know of any other methods to control a low-grade fever that don't involve taking painkillers? ", "answer": "Although it's somewhat arbitrary, the threshold for a fever is 100.4 F (37.0 C). Even a temperature of 100.0 is not febrile. There's also individual variation in baseline: some people just normally tend to run hotter or colder. Even if you did have low-grade fevers, there is not any benefit to treating it except comfort, and whether you feel comfortable or not is not necessarily based on whether you are by objective standards febrile.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y0xoy", "comment_id": "e27bg1g"}, {"question": "My GF [27] wants a break with me [26M]. What do I do?", "description": "Hi all,\n\nWas hoping some of you could provide me with some of your thoughts on how to handle this tough situation. My GF and I have been madly in love with eachother for 2 years but have dealt with a number of obstacles along the way. Main issue has been that her parents do not approve of me and as such we've hidden our relationship from them for a long time. And basically this has always left our relationship in ambiguity (are we actually exclusive or not etc), as if we could be \"broken up\" any moment.\n\nRecently I had to travel for work for a couple months so we were away from eachother for a long time. I just came back and found out she had hooked up with a friend of hers for a couple times and had hidden this from me (she said she wanted to find the right time to tell me). We had a huge fight about it, I said some things I shouldn't have said, but we made up and stayed over at mine for the next few nights. We talked it all through and she said she just felt lonely and didn't mean to hurt me, she doesn't feel anything for the other guy and has already cut it off (her words). She said she loves me and really wants this to work but just often feels lost on how to make it work. She just wants a break for 1 week and we planned to meet again next week to discuss further. She said she needs some time to collect her thoughts. I love this girl to death, and know that often this is just the slow walk to an actual break up but I'd really appreciate your thoughts on what I could/should be doing during our break? I want nothing more in this world than to make this fixed again.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "guidelines for a break.\n 1 month. coffee 1-2/wk. no dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pvb8g", "comment_id": "dkshc9d"}, {"question": "Rejection Sensitive Disphoria and ADHD question (advice needed)", "description": "I don't know where to post this.\nSo i am currently on a trip with some friends and they posted an all together picture earlier (on social media) without me in it because i was over 1 hour late due to car problems.\nNow my rsd is going of the charts and im starting to hyperfocus on that thing only and not the current awesome experience we are having. My mind screams confront them about it but my heart says no.\nWhat should i do?\nI am still in the process of getting treatment for ADHD.", "answer": "I have experienced some intense RSD moments and it is super uncomfortable. It sounds like these friends mean alot to you and you mean alot to them (otherwise they wouldn't have invited you I assume). Only you can make the choice of whether to confront but before you do ask yourself what is the emotion behind the RSD trying to convince me? \n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "80qlte", "comment_id": "duxvtz5"}, {"question": "What do you do in this situation?", "description": "So say you walk into the cafeteria. One of your friends and his girlfriend are sitting alone together. You say hi to them and go to get your food. Do you sit down and third wheel with them or sit somewhere else by yourself?", "answer": "If it hasn't been established that you eat with them regularly and you don't get the vibe they're having a very personal conversation, simply ask them \"Mind if join you?\" \n\n\nLike so many questions in this sub, the answer is a simple, if you're not sure if it would be okay with someone, ask. :-D", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "a7b8rg", "comment_id": "ec1ufhv"}, {"question": "No Doctors Available, Possible Overdose Symptoms or Something Else?", "description": "I posted this the other day and have yet to receive a response. I am a bit worried, as no doctor in my country can currently see patients and I cannot even get through by phone. Would someone here be able to enlighten or advise me on these symptoms?\n\nOver the course of a few days, I developed a head tremor (a side to side shaking, like a 'no' gesture), that by the third day was constant. Though I can consciously suppress the shaking, it feels better not to do so. This is combined with a headache - it is not so much pain, but rather an uncomfortable pressure combined with numbness and an odd feeling like the sort of sensation you get before loosing consciousness, yet I do not feel dizzy. My energy and concentration are suffering, and I feel an almost constant need for sleep, despite having had plenty. Oh, and I have been unconsciously tilting my head significantly to the right.\n\nP.S. I had a fever for a few days before onset, but it cleared up before the tremor began. I had since also noticed a swelling protruding below the front base of my right rib cage, which I assume (but could be wrong) is my liver, or possibly my gall-bladder.\n\nCould this be an accidental overdose of a vitamin supplement or something like that? Nothing I can find online about the onset of a head-tremor matches my other symptoms or otherwise lack thereof. And though at first I thought I was experiencing some kind of neurological event, all the symptoms lessened significantly after I ceased eating for a couple days, so I really have no idea... I suppose the lack of GI symptoms might rule out the cause being something I ingested though?\n\nI am 37 years old, caucasian, 5'10\" in height, 180 lb, I do not smoke, I drink very rarely, I do not take drugs, my cholesterol and blood-pressure are fine, and I am not currently on any medication, though I do take vitamin and mineral supplements. I have MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), mild iron-deficiency anaemia, and mild alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.\n\nP.S. I am not in any pain, and other than my head and the fatigue, I do not feel ill.", "answer": "Although your symptoms do not sound familiar to me, I would recommend you see a physician. You need a physical exam, I can't give it through the internet. \n\nSpend all day on the phone to get through if you have to.\n\nPerhaps you can photograph the protrusion and film the tremor in the mean time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmhc1z", "comment_id": "fl4jp37"}, {"question": "Afraid of endoscopic/pelvic medical procedures, doctors won't help me cope with procedure", "description": "When I was 5 or 6 I had ongoing symptoms of UTI so my mom brought me to a doctor, but there was no finding of bacteria. The doctor then gave me a forceful external pelvic exam, which meant they stripped my clothes off, and then rubbed some cream all over the genital urinary area while I was struggling. There was no pain involved, just humiliation since the whole time I was begging for a female doctor.\n\nI can't deal with needles, I can barely deal with pelvic exams, and only with one doctor who I know very well.\n\nA doctor wants to do a cystoscopy to me which is a procedure I wouldn't have imagined in my worst nightmares. The only way I could go through with this is if it was treated like a colonoscopy, which is I'm given something that would knock me the fuck out and I'd have 0 awareness of what was happening. No doctor I talk to will consider giving me GA, even though I read sometimes patients with sexual trauma need it, which I very much do. \n\nI have no idea how to convince a doctor to knock me out for the procedure, because they all have the mindset that I can leave their practice if I don't want to do it while awake. I'm on medicaid so my options are really limited to begin with.\n\nI'm also afraid that my experience as a child will just be put off as 'overreacting' if I tell them why I can't deal with them touching that part of me. I can't really say I've been sexually abused, because I wasn't. It scarcely fits the definition of sexual trauma. ", "answer": "It doesn't matter how someone wants to define sexual trauma. The fact is, your body and mind respond as if you have had sexual trauma, and that is very real. Trauma from a medical procedure is also very real. I have gone through it myself and I am commenting to remind myself to follow this thread. I've been putting off procedures for years because of my past trauma.\n\nYou know what really sucks? Basically, if you had all the money in the world and could purchase any insurance you wanted, you'd have no problem finding a doctor who would put your under GA for something like what you're looking to get done. You hand them money, they give you GA and the procedure, everyone walks away happy. Medicare has done a lot of good for a lot of people but it's so limited and at the end of the day, the treatment that is available to you is not the same treatment that is available to people who happen to have more money. \n\nIf you end up going to a different doctor, I would say that you've had sexual trauma and need GA from the start. The details of that aren't their business. Will your insurance cover it? I don't know. ", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5xdrnj", "comment_id": "dei8jbz"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "I'm a psychiatrist. What you describe is classic BPD. But it's very common to have comorbid disorders -- mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD, eating dis, OCD, substance abuse, ...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "eolla7t"}, {"question": "When I take multivitamins I recall vivid dreams, does this mean I'm deficient? (27M)", "description": "I rarely take multi-vitamins, but when I do I invariably wake up remembering vivid dreams. Most of the time when not taking vitamins I don't usually remember my dreams. I've seen this correlation for years now.\n\nI was under the general impression that multivitamins are next to useless for people with decent diets. I subscribed to that idea hence why I rarely take them, however if they seem to cause such a marked effect on dreams that makes me wonder if they really are effective in other ways too.\n\nI had a google and found that B vitamins are known to cause vivid dreams or help recall dreams. But what I couldn't find out is if this effect on me suggests that I am deficient in them.", "answer": "Why would recalling vivid dreams necessarily be a sign of a good thing? I won\u2019t claim it can\u2019t be, but there\u2019s no reason to assume it\u2019s anything but an odd finding like riboflavin turning your urine bright yellow.\n\nThis is also the kind of thing that\u2019s highly subject to placebo effect. It would be fascinating to do a double-blind randomized controlled trial, but I don\u2019t expect it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fde852", "comment_id": "fjh4j3p"}, {"question": "How do i know if i got bitten by a snake", "description": "Age: 21\n\nGender: Female\n\nCountry: Philippines\n\nOther Diagnosis: OCD, taking lexapro\n\nI was walking in my backyard at night with my dog when a sudden thought occurred to me that what if i got bitten by a snack. I didnt feel intense pain or anything, just mosquito bites and the ants that were biting my feet. I was also walking with a flashlight to check what i am walking on but still the thoughts persist.\n\nIve been checking my feet and scratching them to see any bite marks but all that i do is making wounds on my feet myself.\n\nHow do u check if u have a snake bite, and should i go to the er even when i dont feel anything weird (just my anxiety) or have no puncture wounds at all?\n\nThis is not an emergency. I am just drowning with a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and just need to know about snake bites.", "answer": "Snake bites hurt. You would not miss it. There\u2019s no point in checking any more than you would check to see if someone stabbed you while you were out walking in a city.\n\nTherapy can help with intrusive thoughts and anxiety like that as well, but hopefully this is one particular worry you can be reassured against.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i1tzoi", "comment_id": "fzzul1n"}, {"question": "How long does SSRI discontinuation syndrome last ?", "description": "So I've been off my medications for a few weeks now b/c I have no vehicle and no transportation so no way to get to a doctor for appointments etc to get medications.\n\nSeveral weeks later I am STILL getting the freaking brain zaps. Actual mood side effects, none that I can tell (other than being a bit easier for internet trolls to provoke), but it's getting somewhat nuts.\n\nAre these something I need to learn to live with, or do I have another several weeks of this before they subside?? Admittedly they're not as BAD now as they once were (what used to be a discombobulated near-seizure like jolt is now just an annoyance matched with a fraction of a second of blindness).. but it still seems like I've been off of the Zoloft for long enough that there shouldn't be any side effects.\n\nTo be clear, I didn't just go off cold turkey, either. I was at 200mg, then went down to 100mg, then 50mg, then 25mg.. then finally off. It was a gradual process. I had NO noticeable side effects until I got to the 50mg mark, but as I said, I was running out of my medications so I had no choice other than to keep going.\n\nUnfortunately, even [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome) hasn't been terribly helpful in telling me what to expect.\n\n... now the disclaimers.\n\nI know none of you are doctors. I am not seeking medical advice, merely personal anecdotes and stories.\n\nedit: Coincidentally, I threw my back out the day after posting this, and the muscle relaxers+pain killers got rid of the zaps completely. Even now that I'm not on the painkillers anymore (ran out, back still hurts, boo) and only take the muscle relaxers at bedtime (Flexeril REALLY puts you to sleep!), no moar brain zaps.\n\nSo, got my answer, but leaving the post up in case someone searches and has a similar problem. ^^", "answer": "\n\nWhat drug were you taking? You can find information about tapering off it [here](http://www.crazymeds.us/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/MedClass/SSRI?from=SSRIs.SSRIs)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "wzj6j", "comment_id": ""}, {"question": "[35/f] How do you ask out a doctor you only saw for a one-time issue?", "description": "I went to the ER a couple of weeks ago with a facial laceration and they called in a plastic surgeon to stitch it up. He was absolutely wonderful and I'm sure he's like that with most of his patients; I'm not an idiot.\n\nHad a re-check appointment and I just find him so charming. He's a few years older than me and as far as I can tell, he's not married. I have one more follow up in a couple weeks to check on the injury.\n\nI'm not planning on ever having any plastic surgery, and there's no reason that I would have to see him again as a patient. What would be the best way to go about asking him out sometime after my final re-check? He had sent me his cell number if I had questions in an email I sent when I had a question right after I saw him in the ER.\n\nI'm also totally fine with saying something about how I get that it's probably a complicated situation but I don't expect that it would need to remain doctor/patient relationship if I'm probably never going to see him again in a professional capacity.. ", "answer": "When you intend to never see him again as a patient, it is ok to ask him out. Actually, it was always ok on your end; it just wouldn't be ok for him to ask you out without terminating the doc-patient relationship first. In the psychotherapy universe, it is never ok...not even 50 yrs later!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ok3f1", "comment_id": "dkhyoi2"}, {"question": "Seeking Support: first mental health appt tomorrow; how to tell new doctor I believe I have BPD", "description": "I realize that this is not the place to speculate. However, I have done a lot of research and do believe I have BPD. I have been diagnosed with a gamut of things in the past such as \"adjustment disorder\" and an \"eating disorder\" but I haven't been to see someone in 4 years. I regularly fit many of the requirements for BPD in any given day. \n\nI'm horrified that this counselor won't take me seriously. I haven't slept well in two weeks since I got the appointment. I don't know how to bring up my concerns, and the specific incidences and make this person seriously consider what I truly believe to be my condition. \n\nAny tips for a first appointment? How to tell someone you think you have BPD, let them know you want them to just tell you if this is true so you can move forward?\n\nI'm equipped to deal with a diagnosis. I just want to know what is wrong with me so I can move on and I don't know how to communicate that in the first appointment... do I just come out and say it? What did all of you do?", "answer": "So? Did you make it? how did it go? did you talk about it? We don't have to know but I just wanted to let you know that I read this two weeks ago, saved it and wanted to check back in to see what you found. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4jtylb", "comment_id": "d3r9bp2"}, {"question": "Should somebody provide a therapy before finishing certification?", "description": "My previous \"therapist\" was actually a psychologist training to become a psychotherapist. She was terrible at her job. Is this normal for somebody to take a role of a therapist before finishing the certification? Sorry if my wording seems weird, English is not my first language.", "answer": "Psychologists, Social Workers, Counselors, etc are all required to provide a minimum number of clinical hours before they are licensed. In my state, it is 3000 clinical hours before you can sit for the LCSW exam. In order to learn how to help others, we all had to have the practice and experience to do it on our own completely. So yeah, its normal. \n\nI will say though, that not everyone makes a good therapist, even when they try really hard. Plenty of therapists are licensed and may not be the best fit with their knowledge and experience for you. Always take care of yourself and find another therapist if the one you have doesn't work for you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eo7vu7", "comment_id": "fea9q08"}, {"question": "Character defects: judgemental", "description": "There is so much judgement inside me. People, politics, meetings, churches, anything and everything. It's like I'm \"playing God\" but can't stop. I've prayed, chaired meetings on the topic, talked to my sponsor, worked with others, etc., but nothing is removing this judgemental attitude I have. It cuts me off from others, from God and is altogether isolating. Anyone else been through this growing pain? ", "answer": "I was actually just discussing this with someone at a meeting last night. They said their current sponsor suggested not focusing on the character defect, because that continues to feed it, but instead directing your energy towards the character asset you want to replace it with. So, directing your energy towards compassion, love, and tolerance. \n\nI've also found it helpful to recognize that while I am judging I am actually suffering myself in that moment, and recognizing that other beings suffer in similar ways; that probably in fact the very person I'm judging has experience with suffering and struggling in a similar way that I am, and that this might be why they act in a way that can feel abrasive, obnoxious, etc.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "5iby35", "comment_id": "db7j3n5"}, {"question": "Could there be an underlying cause for my symptoms?", "description": "Good afternoon fellow redditors!\nI'm hoping that someone could shed some light or give me advice regarding symptoms I've been experiencing and if there may be an underlying cause responsible for them or if they are multiple issues. I recently went to a new doctor and she ordered several tests that I am waiting for, but a few I've already received the results for. Would like to ask more educated questions and request specific tests based in what may be causing my problems. \n\n\n\nMain issue that's bogging me down: fatigue. I am tired regardless if I sleep or don't sleep, if I sleep well or sleep poorly, if I sit on my butt and do nothing or have a really active day. To make a tech analogy, I feel like a phone with a battery that doesn't fully charge and then depletes way too quickly. This has been happening for about 1.5 years and is getting noticeably worse. \n\n\n\nOther big issue: recurring infections. Since the summer of 2015, I keep getting sinus or sinus related infections. My most recent sinus infection happened in mid November, which then progressed into an ear infection in December. I took 3 rounds of oral antibiotics and 1 ear drop medication and my ear didn't start feeling better until earlier this month (February). The ear infection is still not 100% gone, but it seems to finally be healing. My ear is now itchy instead of painful and I only have minimal discharge compared to the constant, heavy discharge of fluid I had before. I went to an ENT specialist and he said my sinuses look great and he suggested I investigate the possibility of immune/autoimmune problems if my sinus and ear problems persist. \n\n\n\n\nI have no idea if this is relevant or indicative of anything, but I have noticed black lines on my fingernails recently. They are very thin, black or dark brown perhaps, and vertical. I also have a very large brown/black spot on my right big toe that looks like I hit myself with a hammer or something, but I don't recall hitting my toe on anything. It is different from the lines on my fingernails as it is much, much larger and not in thin, vertical stripes. Can this be a sign of anything? Most Google results for nail related problems link to beauty blogs... \n\n\n\n\nOther things that might be worth mentioning:\nI just had multiple thyroid tests done and while my TSH and T4 were normal, I had an abnormal results for thyroid antibodies. The results showed a normal range of 0-9 but my results was just below 1,600. I have a long family history of hypo and hyper thyroidism in my family. \n\n\n\n\nMy white blood cell count is always slightly low. As part of my annual physical, I have gotten a basic blood tests. The normal range on the report is listed as 3.8 to 10.8 and in 2015 I was at 3.7, in 2016 I was at 3.6 and this year I wound up right at 3.8. \n\n\n\n\nI have normal iron levels, normal iron bindiding capacity but low ferritin levels per my latest blood test. \n\n\n\nI have a family history of thyroid problems, and heart disease and my father has diabetes as well as psoriatic arthritis although he is the only person in my extended and immediate family that has or has ever had diabetes and psoriatic arthritis while the thyroid and heart issues are wide spread in my extended family. \nI personally have no history of any medical problems other than eczema when I was a child. Unfortunately I do not recall the specific type but I remember that it was a fairly uncommon type of eczema most common in prepubescent kids. \n\n\nThank you for the input! \n", "answer": "Some demographics (age/sex/location/etc)?\n\nAlso - how is your day typically structured? Do you work?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vehpt", "comment_id": "de1hcpf"}, {"question": "Misinterpreting surroundings - what is this?", "description": "Dx: bipolar 1 (possible schizoaffective, bipolar type according to some docs).\n\nAge: 26\n\nHeight/weight: 5'5\", 103\n\nMy doctors are well aware that I experience hallucinations, particularly auditory ones. However, I can't tell if what I've been experiencing lately is a hallucination, delusion, anxiety, or what.\n\nI tend to misinterpret my surroundings and I have to use a lot of grounding skills to tell myself, \"no, wait. That's wrong.\" For example, I might look in one direction and see a shiny red F-150 pickup truck, only to do a double take and realize it's just a tiny black trashcan, even though both of those things are different colors and even though trashcans and pickup trucks look nothing alike. \"I could've sworn that was in the shape of a huge pickup truck. I saw all the details of the truck, including the black scrape on the side and the bird shit.\" I may also hear wind blowing and then it sounds like bells are being played simultaneously or someone is screaming simultaneously. Then I say, \"wait. That can't be true, can it? Or is it?\"\n\nI also had this thing where people at work were talking and I could hear my name being spoken. For example, if my name is Robert, all i heard was \"Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert.\" No other words. Just my name being said repeatedly. Then I said to myself, \"no, that can't be true. Why would they be saying my name repeatedly? That's not even a conversation. That makes no sense...\"\n", "answer": "Hallucinations are possible with either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder; having them in the absence of mania or depression would point more towards the latter. Hallucinations can be upsetting or just odd. Although they're seen as *the* symptom of psychosis, often they're actually often not very impairing unless they're particularly distressing.\n\nThe term \"illusion\" is used specifically for mis-perceiving rather than perception with nothing there at all, but it's mostly associate with altered level of consciousness or lack of clarity and rarely like what you describe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8da5hl", "comment_id": "dxlqv6z"}, {"question": "Why lie? Apparently, because it's easier.", "description": "Has anyone else developed a sort of \"lie reaction\" due to ADHD? I feel like I lie about crap all the time - \n\n\"Did you do x?\" \n\n\"Yup, I did, that's done.\" \n\nNo, it's not, but I totally forgot and will go do it immediately so you don't find out about it. It's created issues with my work, partner, and finances. I feel like an ass for doing it but I don't even think about it first. I thought it was a teenage thing but I never outgrew it.\n\nBut then again, I might just be a jerk.", "answer": "I lie for absolutely no reason. I'll tell a story and just make shit up. I do not know why.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bpek4x", "comment_id": "enw5gwv"}, {"question": "Found a video my gf took of herself masturbating on her phone, how concerned should I be?", "description": "Throwaway account because my gf has Reddit.\n\nI want to start out by saying that I understand it is extremely unethical to snoop through a significant others phone however I have severe trust issues and doing so has saved me from getting into a marriage that would have ended up destroying me. I realize I have issues I need to work on but I don't need to be reminded in this post.\n\nQuick backstory, we are 27-28 years old living together in an apt. We frequently talk about marriage and have been together for almost 3 years. \n\nWhat I found is a 1:30 long video on her phone of her getting off using her vibrator. This video isn't for me and she obviously doesn't need it for herself so who is it for? Why keep a video like that on your own phone? \nHow concerned should I honestly be about this and should I even bother asking her about it?", "answer": "Now that you've snooped, just fucking talk to her about it. There's no unshitting the bed now that you've secretly sharted. \n\nAlso \"I only snoop when I'm scared\" is next level nonsense. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6en6i8", "comment_id": "dibirkg"}, {"question": "Reputable online listing of current ADHD medications for adults?", "description": "31F, rest of info is not relevant to my question. Asking here in case my post gets removed from the pharmacy subreddit. \n\nI am restarting ADHD meds after several years and I would like to see a publicly accessible list of ADHD medications available in the US. I need to research what's currently covered by my lovely (/s) insurance company before my next appointment with the NP so I know what options I have to choose from because what I'm on now sadly isn't working. \n\nDoes the FDA have this option? I tried googling a bit and WebMD (*shudders*) came up, along with Medscape, but I was asked to sign in with an account. Is Medscape a good resource? Are there other resources you can recommend?\n\nMany thanks, and have a great day! \n\n", "answer": "The problem is not what is approved for ADHD but what is in your particular insurance's formulary\u2014which medications they specifically have decided they will pay for without a doctor picking a fight with them. For that you probably want the insurance website, but even as a doctor I usually find it unhelpful, incomplete, and out of date. Good luck.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8zotkh", "comment_id": "e2kcqii"}, {"question": "Waiting for him to contact me first in order to give space?", "description": "I'm gonna try to make this quick, me (f25) and my ex (m28) are dating but are not official we were together 6 years, broken up for about 4 months. Because we aren't official, I can't get mad when he doesn't call, ect. However, last week, I asked him to call me on a certain day to set up plans for the weekend, and he didn't, so I did get upset. He got all upset because he's set up this rule that we can't see each other more than once a week because he's afraid of being official just yet and doesn't want to rush things. Fine, I'll respect that. I last saw him Sunday, called him Monday because I was feeling anxious about something and just needed to ask him for clarification. He was a little annoyed at it, at first but told me he saw where I was coming from. Have not heard from him since. On Friday we had a little argument, and he still texted me later that night to say hi...so I would have thought I would hear from him by now, as he's been texting me pretty much everyday. I'm wondering if he'll contact me tonight, as it's been a few days. \n\nI want to contact him because I have a lot of good/cool things I want to share with him, but because I want to give him his space and make him worry about me if I haven't contacted him first (I'm usually the first to contact) I'm hesitant. But, I'm just worried if I DON'T text him he'll just think I'm losing interest, but, the other day I made it pretty clear that I was all on board for getting back together officially when he was ready. I've read other posts where guys have said that if you want to contact him, just do it because if you don't, it shows disinterest, however, this situation is a little bit different. Am I doing the right thing by just waiting for him to contact me first so that I've given him some space? \n\n**TL;DR** Dating ex bf, but we are not official, I usually contact him first, but now I want him to contact me first so I can give him space. Wondering if I should go for it or if I am doing the right thing since I don't want him to think I'm disinterested. ", "answer": "In the short term, I would respect his space and not completely bombard him. It's difficult because you have all this history but essentially you are that beginning of the relationship period of not wanting to come off as too clingy or needy while not letting things fizzle. You have stated your intentions though, so he knows.\n\nI would also consider if this is worth going through all that nervousness and unsureness again to try this relationship out again. To me personally, what you've described of his behavior sends off red flags for me, but I don't know you or him personally and your relationship together so I can only speak of my opinion. I would suggest for you to consider if this is worth going through or if you are going back to him because of the familiarity of the relationship\n\nIn the long term, I would honestly suggest if you both are invested in your relationship working to go to couples counseling. There is going to be A LOT of baggage from being together six years, breaking up, and getting back together. For you both to get off on a good foot this time around and not let that baggage get in the way, I think would be highly beneficial to work through any of the issues that led to the break up and help to establish your relationship together now in a healthier mind frame.\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1diu2k", "comment_id": "c9qr2q1"}, {"question": "me and my bf, 30's. stupid fight, no agreement, feeling resentful.", "description": "we fought because reasons. I think he was being insensitive he thinks I was being unreasonable. whatever. \n\nwe fight about it, no real conclusions are made. we both share how we feel and why we feel that way and what was going through our heads when we said what we said. \n\nbut there is no resolution. he still doesn't think what he did was rude and I still think he was really thoughtless and blew me off. like its not a big enough deal to keep fighting about it or anything but it's just on my mind. how do I resolve this? with him or myself?\n\nTL,DR: had a fight, no clear right/wrong, no real apologies. how to move on without feeling resentful?", "answer": "Ah... this is the crux of a long term meaningful relationship. This is what separates maturity from immaturity. Sometimes, there IS NO clear resolution. You simply feel differently about something, the way people feel differently about god or abortion. The answer: you have to look at the totality of the relationship. We're all a package deal, and the couples who can let go of stuff because the bulk of the package is so wonderful, are the couples that live happily ever after.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9wev", "comment_id": "dkfqr9e"}, {"question": "Unreciprocated \"I love you\"", "description": "My boyfriend [M, 25] and I [F,23] have been dating for 9 months, with 4 months being long distance across the Atlantic. Our relationship will be trans Atlantic for 1.5 more years, with the occasional visit. Before I left and after dating for 3 months I told my boyfriend that I love him. I was expecting him to say it back but he did not. He acknowledged it and appreciated me telling him but said he didn't want to say it until he was ready. Flash forward 4 months of long distance and we're finally together on a month long Europe trip. Again, I expected him to say it here with the romantic settings in Italy but he did not. I told him at the end of the trip that I love him, but he said he still wasn't ready to say it back. I tried not to let this affect me/our relationship but doing long distance is hard when you're unsure if your boyfriend feels the same way. He acts like he loves me and long distance is so easy with him, which is why I'm confused. What should I do? Should I be worried over this? \n- confused girlfriend ", "answer": "If he can't say it after 9 months I'm afraid he never will. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6k4caq", "comment_id": "djj7tof"}, {"question": "Should I just accept the fact that I have no real friends and probably never will?", "description": "Is there any point in letting this get me down?\n\nI have no real friends IRL. The only \"friends\" I have aren't even really my friend's their my fiance's friends, and he's closer to them then I will ever be so it doesn't even count. I used to have friends, but they have all screwed me over in some form (I'm sort of a pushover). I had a best friend for almost 10 years but she stole my grocery and phone bill money so I had to stop being friends with her. I also have social anxiety disorder so trying to make new friend's is the equivalent to walking on hot coals for me. I come off as bitchy or weird to people because I'm too nervous to start conversations with people and just wait for them to talk to me, which rarely happens because of said reason. My social anxiety isn't something that I can just shake off either which people seem to not understand when I tell them it's difficult to make friends. I'm in college now and I'm stoked to be there learning about something I love. But from a social standpoint I'm uncomfortable in my own skin while I'm there. Being around people my own age makes it even worse. During lunch break I just wonder around all by myself awkwardly hoping people don't notice me and think I'm a total freak or something. \n\nI've been really letting it get me down the past few months, and I'm tired of feeling sad over it. When something goes wrong in my life I can talk to my fiance about it, but sometimes I just wish I had another women to talk to stuff about because somethings only women can relate to. Or if me and my fiance get into a bad argument, I have nobody to talk to about it and I just end up going insane and taking it out on him even more.\n\nI don't know anymore. Should I just face the facts that I'm meant to be friendless and try to live a happy life regardless or should I just get my hopes up that somebody will befriend me only to be let down over and over again?", "answer": "The discomfort you feel may be caused by by a physiological reaction to perceived threat. There was a project in Russia to discover the physiological differences between wild animals and domesticated animals that took place over 50 years. Wild arctic foxes were bred to select for lack of fear of humans by choosing the least fearful of each litter as determined by the pups response to the entrance of a human into the pen where they were kept. At the end of 50 years of breeding a completely tame fox that was as curious and friendly as a golden retriever was developed. The difference between the tame fox and the wild fox was the secretion of the hormone oxytocin. I suggest to you that you are a little wilder than most other people and that you can tame yourself the same way that wild horses are tamed. The technique is called progressive desensitization. This will take some time. In the short term, you can practice conscious breathing, and dramatically slow down your breath while in the presence of others while simultaneously making mental notes of the details of the other peoples appearance and mannerisms.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2fp7qa", "comment_id": "ckblgqs"}, {"question": "Besides getting clean and staying clean from drugs, what is 'recovery'? And could you recommend any books on it that aren't only focused on substance abuse?", "description": "I've often run across the word, and it seems to encompass a whole swath of lifestyle changes and attitude adjustments that accompany people who are dedicating themselves to sobriety. \n\nMy best friend is in rehab right now, and for another few weeks. I'm so totally proud and supportive of her in this. She's inspired me in a lot of ways in my life, and her getting clean and out of the hole she's been falling into has also inspired me.\n\nI'm not an addict. I do use various things, and abuse various things at times, but not on a regular basis. Even without addiction, there's a lot in my life that needs fixing. A lot that needs help and attention and if i'm not using the word incorrectly, recovery.\n\nSo I'm now clean and I'm devoting myself to my own sobriety, and to healing my life. At the same time I'd like to support her as she works to heal her life.\n\nSo I guess basically what do you consider to be 'recovery' and are there any books or online resources that have been useful or enlightening to you with recovering from a damaged life, that aren't focused entirely on addiction and treatment?\n\nOr maybe i'm totally confused about the use of the word 'recovery'.", "answer": "There's some good discussion of the nature of recovery in here already, so I'll just add that The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has been helpful in maintaining my recovery.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "5kkxs5", "comment_id": "dbp88iw"}, {"question": "Is it normal to want to hook up with girls but not go on dates? 23/m", "description": "I'm not sure the title of my request for advice accurately represents the situation that I find myself in. \nI am 23/m and I know I'm not a bad looking chap. In fact, I've been quite successful with girls. I've never had a date that hasn't concluded happily ;) I love hooking up with girls at parties or at the bars, but when it comes to going out with someone on an actual date, I always find myself being nervous about it, no matter how attracted I am to my future date. I usually cancel, and that too with a carefully crafted story that I make up. Basically, I lie. But when I do go on dates I make sure everything goes perfectly and I feel that's why all of my dates have been great. It's just getting across the first hurdle. \nAlso, despite the fact that I am actively looking for someone to be in a proper relationship with, I rarely ever go on second dates.\n Is this something normal? How should I deal with it? Should I just accept that I will die alone?\n\nThank you for your help.", "answer": "hook-ups are simple and straightforward. relationships are complex and take time. sounds like you're a little nervous about the dating process. if you can identify more specifically what kind of nervousness is preventing you from getting past the first 'hurdle', i think i can help. feel free to private message if need be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvywm", "comment_id": "ddx9rqc"}, {"question": "My PCP told me that there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis", "description": "* Age 21\n* Sex M\n* Height 6'3\n* Weight 167\n* Race White\n* Duration of complaint 2 weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body) Liver and stomach\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) Elevated ALT levels in blood and pain inside the v shape of my chest bone\n* Current medications (if any) ClonazePAM, Seroquil\n\nI asked my doctor if the blood test would detect Alcoholic Hepatitis and she said \"well there is no such thing as alcoholic hepatitis\" then I clarified by saying \"inflamed liver caused by alcohol consumption\" then she said \"yes\" but multiple websites online mention alcoholic hepatitis. So is she wrong or not?", "answer": "Hepatitis is medical-speak for \"inflamed liver\" so yes, this seems like a strange kind of nit-picking. Strange enough that I would argue it deviates from standards; after all, we have medical jargon so that we can be clear with each other, and doctors all know, or should know, what \"alcoholic hepatitis\" means.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9qgo2h", "comment_id": "e8939cs"}, {"question": "Losing my virginity and I\u2019m a bit nervous", "description": "There\u2019s this guy that I\u2019ve been talking to and that I really like, he recently asked me if I would have sex with him and I said yes because I want to also. However I am a virgin and 18 and am really scared about becoming pregnant, I\u2019ve already got condoms but I can\u2019t afford birth control or plan b. Am I just over thinking things and everything will be fine? Or are there other precautions to take to make sure I don\u2019t get pregnant? Help me out reddit", "answer": "You should be good as long as you have that protection. If you are extra nervous about it, you can buy pregnancy tests to use after to double check.\n\nIt's good that you both talked about it first, don't feel like its weird that he asked - in fact its a very good thing and shows that he respects you enough to make sure you're ready. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable - be sure to let him know. It'll be a little weird and awkward but it can only get better as long as you're both respectful of each other and communicate what you want (and what you don't want) to do.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "cw6p5h", "comment_id": "ey8qovl"}, {"question": "Sertraline to Treat PE", "description": "32/M. 5'10\" 190 lbs.\n\nMarked NSFW just in case.\n\nI have been suffering from PE for the last few years of my marriage. I have been with my wife for 10+ years and I do not remember when exactly the issue started but it is a problem every time we are intimate. I have tried several different behavioral methods to combat the issue but to no avail. My wife says it is not a problem but it affects me greatly because I feel that we are not getting the full satisfaction out of intercourse.\n\nI recently started seeing sponsored ads for Roman on my social media and saw that they offer solutions for premature ejaculation. I was intrigued and the price for medication seemed fair. I went ahead and took their 25+ question questionaire and I was recommended 25mg of Sertraline. \n\nI looked into the medication and saw that it is the generic of Zoloft. I did not sign up for the service yet and simply saved my info for later if I would like to move forward.\n\nWhat risks would I be running by taking this medication? I do not suffer from depression and it worried me that this is an anti-depressant. On the flip side, the PE is negatively affecting my life and the physical connection I have with my spouse.", "answer": "Antidepressants won't have much effect on your mood if you're not depressed. Sertraline has a pretty benign side effect profile. There's sometimes weight gain, but not more than placebo. There can be GI side effects (nausea, diarrhea) or headache, but again, they tend to be mild and go away. The most common side effects of sertraline are sexual, which of course is the whole point in your case.\n\nBut \"might be\" is still not definite. Delayed orgasm is common and would be helpful. Loss of libido can also happen and is less helpful. Still, those effects end when you stop taking the medication. It's worth talking with a doctor about it. The use is definitely off-label, but it's low risk.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9xhhph", "comment_id": "e9seuqm"}, {"question": "Is Graves Disease an STD? Or Contagious in any other way?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n30/m. 177lb, 5'9\". No other medical issues going on at the moment. \n\nI recently had unprotected sex -intercourse and receiving oral - with a woman who has Graves disease. I am concerned by the possibility that Graves disease could be an STD, or is contagious in some other way? Can someone help me out?\n\n\\*sry in advance if this seems like an ignorant question. I have already done my own research, and while I haven't read anything saying Graves disease is an STD, I haven't read anything specifically saying Graves Disease is NOT an STD, or anything specifically saying Graves is NOT contagious. So I'm looking for someone who can specifically answer my question.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "It's an autoimmune disease. It's not contagious in any way, and in particular not sexually transmitted.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cizay8", "comment_id": "evaarim"}, {"question": "My daughter (4 months) has some kind of vaginal discharge?", "description": "4 months old baby girl, as of last week 24.5\u201d tall and 11 lbs 12 oz. Mixed white and Asian (Indian). I just noticed this today while changing her diaper. She peed while I was changing her, and then after I cleaned her up, a small amount of whitish liquid came out. It almost looked like normal vaginal discharge for a grown woman but she is an infant and never had any before that I noticed. She does have a small vaginal skin tag if that\u2019s relevant. I\u2019m worried maybe she has a yeast infection or something similar? I tried calling my insurance\u2019s advice line but they don\u2019t have her on their records yet so I will have to try to get that fixed tomorrow.\n\nShe is breastfed and doesn\u2019t have any medications other than vitamin D drops. She did recently get her 4 month vaccines. I have a picture but due to the nature of the complaint would rather not post it publicly. I can PM if you are a verified doctor. I just want to know what this might be and if it\u2019s urgent enough to take her to urgent care or if it can wait till tomorrow. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "Please don\u2019t post a picture! Even though it\u2019s for medical use, this is not a protected medical context and that would run afoul of child pornography laws. Such photos should only be sent to her doctor(s) through official and secure channels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jyy56x", "comment_id": "gd8wagl"}, {"question": "How to and where to get testing.", "description": "I'm kindof stressed out right now and not really sure what to say in this. If I calm down later or tomorrow I'll try to come edit this to a better explanation but thank you in advance to anyone who responds. \n\nOver the past 3 months, I've been recommended that I get tested for ADHD or a similar attention disorder from 2 separate people who have it, both drawing on experiences they've seen me have and guessing at past experiences I've had that were right on the money that tie into symptoms if ADHD. Ive had thoughts in the past about this but have just brushed them aside thinking this is how everyone gets, but the more I talk with people who and do my own research I feel that I may actually have this. \n\nBut I don't want to self-diagnose or throw myself into a self-induced panic spree again, so I'm looking for options for testing and diagnosis from some sort of professional, just so I can have concrete answers and my feelings and concerns confirmed or assuaded. I've been putting this off for so long but this is the only way I can think of rn to start the process of looking and holding myself accountable. \n\nThank you", "answer": "Where do you live? It's different in different countries where you can go.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bzlboo", "comment_id": "equhexq"}, {"question": "First Relationship", "description": "So I'm in grade 12 and I finally asked who I liked out, and for prom. It's the second day we are dating and we kept it on the low down (test the waters first) and I am wondering if texting her everyday i.e. After school about meeting up or something is too much? \n\nAlso any advice in general is welcome this is my first relationship \n\nEdit: had to do it on a throwaway cuz my friends know my main account, also is it too soon to start saying good morning and good night cuz I already did that e.e?", "answer": " that's fine. by asking, you can find out where she's at...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67pqgs", "comment_id": "dgs8bhx"}, {"question": "I don't need to be giving my therapist some kind of....Christmas gift type thing, do I?", "description": "Not sure what the protocol is. I've only been seeing her for about a month and a half (4 sessions).", "answer": "Therapist here: No, we don't expect presents for Christmas or other holidays.\n\nPersonally, I will accept Christmas cards, and do accept very small presents when a client finishes therapy. However, my organization prohibits me from receiving presents with any real value (say, more than $5). \n\nIf you feel compelled to get your therapist something, your safest bet is probably a Christmas card.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1t4mgw", "comment_id": "ce4u957"}, {"question": "a question about Zika", "description": "I went with my dad to Jamaica at the beginning of April before I had heard of any confirmed cases of Zika there. Now there have been several confirmed cases there. I again didn't hear about this until I did some research after I got my wife pregnant in July. I do not want to cause her to panic if there is no need. We are going to the OB/GYN next week. What advice would you give for this situation?", "answer": "Just mention it to the doc. I'd be surprised if you were even exposed to the virus, and id be surprised if it changes the care your family need. But hopefully you'll all be reassured.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xfpj8", "comment_id": "d6f3ne1"}, {"question": "Horrible HIV anxiety. Need a little calming down.", "description": "I'm an OCD sufferer with a horrible amount of anxiety around my fear of contracting HIV. I've had the fear for a couple of years now. It comes and goes based on situations I feel I'm at risk. I was at a party last night and I did a hit from a joint and afterwards I realized my friend who passed me it had a little dried blood on her fingers from a cut. I immediately began having that stomach turning feeling and thought, oh god what if she has it and I got it? She did a hit before me and I was second in the circle.\n\nLater that night my panic attack set in and I told her my fear and told me she's clean etc and calmed me down. She is a good friend of mine and she definitely isn't someone who sleeps around or anything.\n\nI just wanted to ask for a little help and reassurance (I hope) and maybe some info on how likely it would be that transmission would happen etc. if I start googling I'll send myself into another panic attack. Help me reddit. :( I feel pretty alone in this.", "answer": "Thankfully- HIV is pretty hard to transmit. Even if your friend had been HIV infected- that casual contact you had wouldn't put you at risk. Basically- she would have to be positive with an open cut, and touch you in an area where you have a fresh cut- and even then it isnt likely to transmit.\n\nInstead of googling diseases, maybe you should google a good local therapist?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "s9ief", "comment_id": "c4g0vji"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t fall asleep even when tired, because my body wont stop moving around.", "description": "16F, 160lbs, 5\u20193. Autistic. \n\nI\u2019ve had sleeping problems pretty much all my life but never quite like this. \n\nI go to bed at 10pm like I usually do. I can\u2019t get any sleep despite trying the whole night. I get up at 6am because I don\u2019t feel tired at all and feel like itd just be a waste trying to fall asleep anymore. This is a pretty common occurence. \n\nAt around 11am I start to feel really tired. I try to take a quick nap but I just won\u2019t stop moving, and I can\u2019t control it. I roll over multiple times, twist my legs into different positions, so on so forth. This prevents me from falling asleep even when I am extremely tired. Sometimes this happens during nights too, and I can\u2019t catch any sleep. I am also way too tired to actually do anything but I cannot fall asleep.\n\nWhat should I do?\n\nEDIT: I do not drink coffee or any kinds of energy drinks.", "answer": "It sounds maybe like two problems here. One is sleep and sleep hygiene with day-night reversal. You can\u2019t force yourself to fall asleep when not tired, but then you\u2019re tired in the daytime. CBT for insomnia (CBT-I) has some tricks that can help with that. One is, counterintuitively, trying very hard not to nap during the day so you will be tired enough to sleep at night.\n\nThe other problem is the movements. A sleep specialist can be helpful, but a good first step might be having your primary care doctor (pediatrician?) check iron levels. Anemia is one of the common causes of restless leg syndrome, and that\u2019s treatable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzaqf2", "comment_id": "fzjh239"}, {"question": "How did you go about choosing your career?", "description": "Currently a construction estimator, cant stand it mostly. But I literally have zero clue what I could keep my attention on everyday. Everything I think of I feel like couldn't hold my attention long enough. I feel like I dont belong in the workforce. What careers fit someone who has (yes like most adhd people) the ability to only focus for short bursts, as opposed to all day? Every career option makes me painfully nervous about being successful at it or it keeping my attention the whole day. I also have anxiety interacting with customers (Not so much employees) as a part of the job?\n\nI was good at being a UPS truck loader way back when as it was just \"React\" to box coming in and make a wall out it. But I don't want to do a warehouse job.\n\n**Other careers I've attempted and did NOT enjoy, and sucked at:**\n\nElectrical Apprentice\n\nElectrical Estimator\n\n\n**I have no degree, but did 3 semesters of Electrical Technology degree (Don't care about using it for a career in anything Electrical anymore), didn't finish as I got accepted into the union early at the time**", "answer": "For myself, I have always wanted to work with helping people but was not sure how to go about doing that. What helped me was taking a career exploration course since i found it interesting. They did some assessments to gauge what careers match with your skills and interests. I actually found it was more fun to help the other students find out their passion! \"AHA MOMENT\"\nI now currently work in education but am also completing my Masters to go into Marriage and Family Therapy...want to eventually work with adults who have ADHD like myself! \n\nThe good thing you have going is that you already have some ideas of what you DON'T want which can help weed out careers", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60wi7g", "comment_id": "dfa16ua"}, {"question": "Can a brain aneurysm birth defect be caused by a drug addicted mother during pregnancy?", "description": "My 25 year old brother suffered from a ruptured brain aneurysm and stroke last night. His father said it was a birth defect and it got me to thinking that it was my birth mothers drug use during pregnancy that caused it. I tried to research it but I didn't find anything. Is her drug and alcohol use the cause of this?", "answer": "It's a risk factor, but you can't be sure if it were the cause in individual cases.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5713pd", "comment_id": "d8p9qnb"}, {"question": "Friend needs a therapist, and I want to know what this specialty is called", "description": "Hi guys!\n\nI have a friend who recently left a very toxic family and religiously traumatic situation. She was homeschooled and disallowed from many public interactions until she escaped at age 23. Her family was extremely poor and had a large amount of children, who she was forced to take care of as the oldest child. Many of these children had mental issues and learning disabilities.\n\nShe was also abused by her parents, particularly when she did something which was religiously disallowed. Her mother was emotionally abused by her father and her siblings were beaten for their mental disabilities (undiagnosed).\n\nShe was devoutly religious until about a month before she fled. She found solace only in playing video games online and learned how to socialize and about the \"real world\" from popular media. She says that because of this, her interactions with people are limited and she feels emotionally immature in her mid-20s. She is currently in a better situation and pursuing a degree in nursing with a significant other she had met online. \n\nAs she was sheltered from a normal life, normal people, and was not allowed to interact with those outside of her faith. She was forced to stay devoutly religious every day for her whole life. She feels lost and confused.\n\nShe has tried several therapists, but felt that they didn't quite understand her as well as she would like, but did praise them when they offered her decent life advice. That got me thinking - is there a specific type of therapy for helping people learn emotional depth and help with human interactions who came from sheltered communities or situations? Is there a specific specialty she should look for when seeking a therapist?\n\nAppreciate any and all advice.", "answer": "Someone trauma informed and trained, with knowledge of complex trauma", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ftbnbl", "comment_id": "fm63w6d"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [mid20sM] and I [mid20sF] having sex/libido issues. [Nsfw]", "description": "We've been together for 2 years and I love him a lot. We are great together and both definitely see a future together. \nI've been in past long relationships and understand sexual lust slowly eases away once you're comfortable and you have to work to keep it going. \nMy bf hasn't been in a long term before and is having trouble understanding why my animalistic urges towards him are fading. We still have sex (more chill) but it not being SUPER HOT and all the time is hurting his feelings because he still has the fire for sex with me while I have a kitchen burner but not a campfire for sex. \n\nI think it's normal in a long term relationship but he doesn't believe me and wants to work on getting the super hot, super frequent shit back but honestly, I can't be bothered and I don't think it can come back. \n\nI don't want to break up and he said he wants to stay together even if we had less sex, but if it's possible to bring it back- he wants to. I don't want to hurt his feelings or ego. He is handsome and sexy to me but he's hurt that I'm \"less attracted\" to him sexually. \n\nHow to I find a happy place in between our wants and libidos? I don't want to always feel guilty like I'm not giving him enough because I know we're well within normal ranges, just not courting levels. :/ \n\n", "answer": "every couple, old or young, has to find common ground. no right answer. if no pressure is best for a sex life, it means the person who wants it less should prevail. of course, there a zillion mitigating factors; health problems, drugs, excessive masturbation..you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5r29pg", "comment_id": "dd3y1hb"}, {"question": "Do I need a referral from a primary care doctor to see a specialist for lower back issues?", "description": "30M, 5'11, 168lbs, Caucasian, no meds or prior major health concerns. Dealing with chronic lower back pain.\n\nI don't have a primary care doctor. I never really get sick other than the occasional head cold. I did try to establish one two years ago. I went to him for 1 physical, and then he moved away. I want to see a spine specialist, but do I have to get referred by a primary care doctor? Since I don't have one I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?\n\nBackground:\nI have had consistent lower back pain for as long as I can remember. I have a vivid memory of being like 8 and waking up one morning and telling my parents by lower back was sore. I can't remember when it began exactly, but I know it started when I was young and has just gotten progressively worse over time. I have had it so long that I have no idea what not having lower back pain feels like, but it is getting to a point where it is really starting to limit what I can do. It hurts most before bed and first thing in the morning, but it bothers me all day as well.\n\nThe best way that I can describe the pain is that it feels like my two lowest vertebrae right at the base of my lumbar have no disc between them. It feels like it's bone on bone. No matter what position I lay in, it hurts. When I bend over forward it's a very strong pain. My muscles are tight, but it feels like something more. If I lay in bed on my side and tense up my hips and rotate my waist a little bit I can feel those vertebrae shift as though there is very little support, like they are loosely just sitting in there. It constantly aches.\n\nThe weird thing is that I am very active. I run a lot, I lift 3-5 days a week. I run 11 mile tough mudders with my wife. Those things don't bother my back as much as just standing in one spot, walking long distances, sitting down, or leaning over and picking up any weight over 20 lbs where my back is engaged more than my legs. I have learned how to adapt my body to do lifts and wear a back brace on days where do I light weight squats or shoulder exercises\n\nMy dad, his two brothers, and his mom have all had surgery to help with spinal stenosis. It runs in my family and my sister says she has lower back problems too. Their symptoms seem different than mine though. I don't have numbness in my legs or butt. I just have an ache that I can pin point to my spine and the surrounding muscles remain sore at all times.\n\nThank you in advance for any feedback you can provide.", "answer": "Whether you need a referral for specialists depends on your insurance policy. It's not something we can answer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "akw7xb", "comment_id": "ef8h5m7"}, {"question": "I'm underemployed and nobody listens", "description": "I'm 24. 20-fucking-4, and I've never had a proper job. I've only ever worked part-time in a kitchen. \n \nI love my parents and really do appreciate them supporting me since university, but I've become so, so depressed, that I can't bring myself to look for a real job anymore. \n \nBut nobody listens. \n \nI say \"I'm depressed\", and I'm told \"You just need a job\". \nI say \"I feel like I can't do anything\", and I'm told \"You just need to try harder\". \nI say \"I fucking hate you and I hate myself and I hate everything\", and I'm told \"You should appreciate us more\". \n \nI just want someone to say \"Let's talk about your depression, because it's obviously the root cause of your apathy\". \n \nBut nobody cares. I'm a selfish, lazy, and even manipulative child in everyone's eyes. I don't want to be unemployed, and I don't want to live with my parents, but I just have no emotional energy left for anything anymore. \n \nI'm always helping my mum through her emotional breakdowns, but I get nothing in return. \n \nI've started to contemplate suicide - not to actually die, but just so that people can see that I'm not lying; I really don't want to live like this - but is that in itself manipulative? Is everyone right? Am I just a lazy child?", "answer": "Have you tried opening up to anyone else besides your parents? Have you tried mental health services, like a therapist or psychiatrist? ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "62l7qx", "comment_id": "dfnlc47"}, {"question": "How do I convince myself that I'm worth some self-care?", "description": "I've been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks to help me through a pretty bad depressive episode. We've started to talk about the practice of self-care but what I haven't been able to vocalize properly is: I don't feel that I'm worth treating myself properly. If that makes any sense... Does anyone have ways of tricking the brain into thinking yes, you do deserve to do nice things for yourself and to take care of yourself? ", "answer": "I struggle with this too. One thing that helps me is that I work in a helping profession. So while there are some days that I don't feel worth it, I remind myself that I must take care of myself in order to help others properly. I sort of trick myself into self-care. And then the reward I get from helping others can decrease my depression too. I also try to counter every negative thought I have about myself with three positive thoughts. It helps because I am very self-critical. ", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8lf6x5", "comment_id": "dzf7vne"}, {"question": "Need someone to talk to.", "description": "So I've been struggling to get a girlfriend for 4 years now.\n\nHad a girlfriend that's now a model, dated for 2 years and we broke separate ways. Ever since then, I have had legit 0 luck finding a girlfriend \n\nEither the girl has a boyfriend 60% of the time, 20% they leave me on seen, 20% they have a baby/pregnant and ???? What the fuck?\n\nI'm love deprived, can't focus on life, worried I'll be single for a looooong time. And ive been looking since the breakup. No results. Not even come close to one. Closest I can get to with a girl is a friend, not even a good friend.\n\nNow about me I'm actually attractive, been told I'm super sweet numerous times, and I do try my best to be kind and caring.\n\nBut I'm LITERALLY AT THE BOUNDARY OF PAYING FOR A RELATIONSHIP???????\n", "answer": "you never know who will cross your path in life. keep at it. maximize opportunities to talk to new girls. dating sites, recreational activities, anything..... the more you talk to the better your chance.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6agtfu", "comment_id": "dhehisi"}, {"question": "Mental Health and diet", "description": "[**HERE**](http://meatheals.com/category/mood-mental-health/) are 51 testimonials from people whose mental/emotional health was benefited by a carnivorous diet. (It is multi-paged.)\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/depression/) are four interviews with people whose depression cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n[**HERE**](https://zerocarbzen.com/tag/anxiety/) are five interviews with people whose anxiety cleared up thanks to carnivory.\n\n(There is a natural overlap between the previous two sites since anxiety and depression got together like two demons in a whirlwind.) \n\nDr. Jordan Peterson described his depression as how one would feel the morning after if their entire family had been killed. Carnivory healed him completely.\n\nSearch for \"ketogenic depression\" and \"ketogenic anxiety\" and \"ketogenic mental health\" and you will find the same sort of testimonials, interviews, blogs and even science. Carnivory is so new and has so few adherents that science has not yet gotten around to studying it.\n\nWhen the blood sugar is steady, when one is eating a proper diet, one's mental health is bound to improve. Will it become perfect? Who knows. But I would rather work at improving my mental health than sitting around arguing about what works best or how much it works. Plus there is the side benefit of improving one's physical health. The divide between mental health and physical health is bogus.", "answer": "Well the book The Mind-Gut Connection by Emeran Mayer, MD talks about how to keep the brain-gut communication clear and balanced to:\n\n\u2022 heal the gut by focusing on a plant-based diet\n\n\u2022 balance the microbiome by consuming fermented foods and probiotics, fasting, and cutting out sugar and processed foods\n\n\u2022 promote weight loss by detoxifying and creating healthy digestion and maximum nutrient absorption\n\n\u2022 boost immunity and prevent the onset of neurological diseases such as Parkinson\u2019s and Alzheimer\u2019s\n\n\u2022 generate a happier mindset and reduce fatigue, moodiness, anxiety, and depression\n\n\u2022 prevent and heal GI disorders such as leaky gut syndrome, food sensitivities and allergies, and IBS, as well as digestive discomfort such as heartburn and bloating\n\nI'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I'd rather follow the pioneer of this research field. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkmE31QUU4o) is one of his Ted talks about the brain and gut microbes. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wf9ac", "comment_id": "e1v5w4q"}, {"question": "Me 25[f] crush on work colleague 24[m]. In relationship, please help.", "description": "Hi all, I know this question sometimes gets a bad rep, so please be kind; I'm reaching out for help. \nI started work recently at a new company (2 months ago), and have started developing feelings for someone who I work with. \nNow I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and I love my other half. He's great, there is nothing wrong with our relationship. \n\nHowever, I've started developing feeling for another guy. I didn't think this would ever happen, I have never cheated on anyone and wouldn't do that to someone as I know how much it hurts (my ex routinely cheated on me)\nI feel sick with guilt over liking another guy, and I feel this is impacting my current relationship. I don't even have this other guy's number or have him on social media, but I am ridden with guilt for even liking him. I get butterflies/ fast heart beat whenever he's around and it's ridiculous. I can clearly tell he likes me too which makes it even worse. \n\nMy question is, what do I do? Will this crush go away? What if it doesn't? I'm not a horrible person, I don't want to leave my boyfriend for someone else and I definitely wouldn't initiate something whilst in a relationship. I just want to be able to eat something because my guilt is making me want to vomit on the daily. ", "answer": "Been there. It SUCKS. But it does get better, it takes time and distance. You may have to work with this person, but you can go out of your way to keep the contact to a minimum. Also, give yourself a break about those feelings. They're a completely natural response to human attraction. The feelings aren't the problem, it's what you do with them.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71xtm5", "comment_id": "dne92n5"}, {"question": "Broke Up with girlfriend over these Red Flags; was I justified?", "description": "I broke up with my girlfriend earlier this week because my girlfriend (23) of 4 months made me feel repeatedly uneasy. I (22) tried to speak openly and plainly about the way her actions made me feel and throughout each instance she was able to convince me to reconcile with my anxieties but only for the moment. Here are the Red Flags: \n1)She tells me she loves me for the first time while she is hammered at a wine tasting event, at that same event flirts with the server and gets a free wine glass\n2) I pick up her and her friend from a girls night out at a bar- she gets in the car laughing and clapping and excitedly exclaims she \"even got his number!\". When I asked her about it the next morning she got upset and said it was nothing. \n3) Christmas Vacation - She lives in Philly and hits up her ex boyfriend to take of her cats while she's away for a few days; she meets up with him at a bar and they have dinner and drinks alone\n4) Ex boyfriend invites her out to kareokee at a bar a few nights after they go out and also suggests she stay the night if she gets to drunk and she considered it.\n5) She deleted her text messages with her ex boyfriend from before the new year of 2017, after she said she didn't care if i saw the texts between them. \n6)I'm going to the Army and whenever I ask direct questions about how comfortable she is with the commitment she says she \"doesn't know how she will react but believes it will work out\"\n7)She keeps in contact with a neighborhood friend [Male, 30] she fell in love with when she was 15 or 16.\n\nShe always made me feel like it was my fault for being insecure but are these signals good reasons for me to feel overbearingly so? She also had a shady past with her roomate [Female 23] who would not talk to her anymore because of a situation involving her and ex and my ex. There always seemed to be secrecy and a lack of transparency even thought she said she wanted the same things as me. Her actions didn't add up. I appoligize if this is like word vomit but I feel it will be easy to look at the information i've put thus far and make a judgement without including a lengthy bio. I miss her and I'm afraid I've lost her but I know I made the right decison. Just looking for others opinions i guess.\n\nEdit1: Just some more details for you all - She did shut me down when i would try to discuss my feelings in a number of ways; she didn't want her roommate to hear, or she just didn't feel like discussing it because we kept -and this is another red flag- repeating the same arguments, or -another red flag- she was too tired and drained and it triggered her anxiety. When I did have an oppurtunity to voice them she would just say okay and mhm and she would try to reasure me nothing was wrong without plainly speaking about what was going on and what her intentions were, it always felt like something was amiss. \n Another story for example: After the New Years (after she had told me she would be a perfect girlfriend and make things better since the ex bf situation) there was an art auction in Philly. She expressed interest and I was like cool. Then she slips in the \"oh and i was invited by my ex's best friend\". So i ask a few questions and it turns out he was going to be there selling art. She did not make that clear at first. She eluded to it and waited for me to ask questions - as if to gauge or test me. That did not feel good and as I tried to probe her about it she shook me off as if nothing was wrong even though I clearly expressed concern about the relationship between them two. It was like she cared about my feelings as a person in general but did not care enough to do something about them, like putting my feelings first. I cannot and would not ask her to change in that way for me which is why I ended it. I was really upset at first because it seemed like she wanted to try to make it work but it just didn't make sense and my gut feeling was screaming at me\n\nALso THANKYOU to the people who replied and spent the time to read my post. Sometimes I need to discuss my thoughts and I dont have a whole lot of people who I can trust to talk to - and I need variety. It's just the diplomatic side of me but thanks anyway to you all\n\nEDIT 2: Thanks everyone. It's easy on the ears to hear all of that, I know I'm not crazy. Of course it's never easy to break up with somebody you love so I'm psychologically dealing with that right now but I do believe it was for the best. \n ", "answer": "absolutely. i wish more reddittors were as astute as you at reading/seeing red flags and taking ACTION. i'm a therapist; the biggest problem out there is passivity. good for you my friend~", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pbabv", "comment_id": "dcpteef"}, {"question": "Do I have Rabies?", "description": "So last week I read a post on reddit that explained how dangerous and terrifying rabies is. Later that day I had a minor headache, nothing super painful just head discomfort, and I thought \"oh shit\". I don't remember being bitten, but because of the potentially long incubation period and the fact that bat bites can be hard to notice, I started worrying. Today I have had more frequent 'mini' headaches, small discomfort no major pain, and I've felt 'unwell' which is a symptom of rabies (along with the headaches). I have a virtual doctor's appointment tomorrow at 4pm so i can see if it might be something else (COVID-19 possibly), but I know that if it is rabies I am a dead man walking. I guess I just wanted to ask to see what others thought, I know its the classic \"googling your symptoms and you now have cancer\" but I'm naturally an anxious person so now I've been fretting over it.", "answer": "Unless you have known exposure to bats, which you don\u2019t mention, the best fitting explanation is escalating anxiety. You were a little bit worried, which made you more aware of symptoms, which made you worry more, which made the symptoms more pronounced...\n\nIt can be hard to notice that you were bitten *if you were exposed to a bat*. Rabies doesn\u2019t just come out of nowhere from bats you never perceived. It\u2019s a rare disease in the US.\n\nMost headaches are, of course, not rabies. They\u2019re headaches from fatigue, hunger or thirst, awkward posture, caffeine withdrawal, or sometimes nothing identifiable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzjri3", "comment_id": "fzjg7e9"}, {"question": "Need help diagnosing this girl", "description": "So I was on Omegle last night not doing anything particular. All of a sudden this naked girl appears and I naturally assume it's a bot. As it turns out, she was not a bot but a very real girl and this was her first time showing off on Omegle. I hit the jackpot, right? I asked her if she had been forced to do this in any way (losing a bet or something) but she said it was of her own will. She went on to take a bath whilst talking to me and this is where the weird things begin...\nTo start off, she is very pretty and has an amazing body. Really hot in short. She starts teasing me by playing with her boobs and seductively sucking on a fucking banana. She added me on skype and we continued from there. Sure, this was a very pleasant experience but also really weird, I mean why would she do this? Here's some info I got out of her:\n* She is soon to be 18 (so no pics, sorry!) \n* She's being bullied at school but says she doesn't mind.\n* She doesn't take any meds and hasn't received any psychological or similar treatment.\n* She has some issues with sarcasm but not that bad. She is able to joke and read people's feelings to some extent at least. \n* She is almost asexual! She had never had an orgasm, been with a boy in any erotic way whatsoever and she never fantasize about sex or any such thing. I asked her if she liked boys and she said yes. \n* She is completely oblivious of her own looks. She sincerely thinks she is ugly and fat (far from it). I provided her with symptoms of body dysmorphic disorded but she didn't think many of them applied (maybe 2 out of 10). \n\nI said it would be a good idea to see a psychologist so that she could talk to someone but she didn't think that was necessary. So, anyone here has a clue what diagnosis she might have (if any)? \nFor some reason, I can't create bullet points. ", "answer": "You, and anyone else on the internet can't diagnose. But you are being a little ridiculous. It doesn't sound like there are any problems with her, and you're over reacting. A lot.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2xcbq0", "comment_id": "coz190n"}, {"question": "Can repressed memories become un-repressed?", "description": "When I was 24, I was in a nasty car wreck. I suffered a TBI and a subdural hematoma around my bifrontal lobe. Less than two years later I had seizures related to injuries suffered in that wreck.\n\nI didn't remember any of that. I'm 30 now, and I don't want to remember any of that. I've read online of the spontaneous recovery of traumatic memories. How likely is that, particularly given the circumstances of my head injury?\n\nIn case you need to know, I'm a white male, 290 lbs and take 1000 mg Keppra 2x", "answer": "The idea of traumatic memories being repressed has significantly fallen out of favor. Traumatic memories are often fragmentary and don't come together in \"watching a video\"-like quality of most autobiographical memory, but it's rare for their to be nothing at all. What's common is loss of memory after head injury, and that isn't recoverable. In your case, perhaps, fortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbcwb1", "comment_id": "eki11ug"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (23f) is depressed over professional life. How can I (23m) help?", "description": "My girlfriend and I met during a networking conference in October 2015. We ended up working in different areas of the same company and starting on the same day. I'm having a great experience in a really cool area. She had a nightmare of a boss and quit 6 months into the job.\n\nWe get along incredibly well and I love her more than I ever imagined loving anyone. However, she and I both value our professional life highly. She is a very hard worker, and very smart (graduated 2nd in her class at a prestigious school). It had been her dream to work for a large company forever. She's kept spreadsheets of the best companies to work for since she was 15, and my company was always one of her top picks. After leaving, she went into an awful job, quit, and is now working for a smaller company. Her job is not the worst, but she is extremely unhappy about the entire situation, and feels as if she threw away years of her life preparing for something that hurt her, and sent her back a couple of years in terms of where she is professionally.\n\nShe cries more than once a day about it (usually by herself) and though I have tried multiple times to talk to her, I can't stand seeing how much self-harm she does by holding on to the belief that one can only be happy professionally at a large corporation. Her family holds this belief, and seeing me grow professionally in her old company doesn't help. \n\nEvery time I try to talk to her about the issue, we end up having a very emotional argument and I feel like I'm not helping her. \n\nWhat can I do? I don't want to break up with her, but seeing her this way is bringing me down daily. At the same time, I know that feeling is very selfish, so I desperately want to help her. \n\nShe is very dismissive of help. She has seen a therapist, and a career coach and they both folded in and essentially said they didn't know how they could help her.\n\nHelp me help her, please ", "answer": "she saw a bad therapist. shop around; you'll find a great one.\nhttps://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rr2y3", "comment_id": "dd9liut"}, {"question": "What is this? (CW: Traumatic memories mention)", "description": "I get these moments where I either can't stop remembering a traumatic experience or I imagine a whole new traumatic experience that hasn't happened. \n\nI lay awake and can't help but imagining the worst things. Fights with my family, my family yelling at me, etc. All very realistic but it hasn't happened. \n\nIt's all very upsetting but I can't turn it off. My mind just keeps making these sorts bad day dreams, waking nightmares. Even if I stop myself it just resumes, and I can only distract myself for so long. \n\nIt's like the events of my past aren't good enough trauma that my brain needs to make up new situations that are unlikely to happen. I hope its unlikely anyways. \n\nThe closest description I have is intrusive thoughts, but worse, because they're vividly detailed and play out almost in real time in my head. \n\nIs there a term for what this is?", "answer": "Yes. It's called negative rumination. It's characterized by obsessive intrusive thoughts that often times people feel powerless to control. They can be both real and imagined.\n\nNegative rumination over a long period of time can prove hurtful to mental health because of things like lack of sleep, lost motivation, feelings of sadness and anxiety, etc. Tends to start due to anxiety and can evolve into other things if not managed. \n\nIf it gets to be too overwhelming, I'd suggest starting a conversation with your family doctor to explore some options on addressing it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d44eaf", "comment_id": "f07ssf2"}, {"question": "I've tried everything to get someone to like me and failed. I'm ready to destroy my body", "description": "Soon to be 18 years old and I've never been in a relationship before. I was pulled out of school twice last year for suicidal and homicidal thoughts (I admitted I had plans to shoot all the couples and married teachers at both of our major school dances) and struggled to meet people being at an all-male school and not being particularly outgoing.\n\nI eventually got over the fear of rejection and started going to lots of underage drinking parties and hitting on girls from other schools there. I got rejected and embarrassed by everyone I approached and starting spiraling back into isolation and violent anger.\n\nFast forward to now and I'm ready to give life another shot before I start planning to go postal again, but I want to be better prepared.\n\nI have a connection to a dealer who has a lot of high-power steroids and has given me a suggestion for a \"stack\" to try it. This would involve taking massive amounts of testosterone enhancers through pills as well as injections in both my arms.\n\nDo I need to destroy myself to get accepted or will this fail just like everything else has?", "answer": "What are you hoping to accomplish with the steroids? It sounds like a terrible idea and you seem to see it as essentially self destructive yourself. What you should do is to get into psychotherapy, like for anger management and depression. You should join a mindfulness meditation group. To use a star wars metaphor, this anger is the 'dark side' and there is another and better (ultimately more satisfying) way to work with the intense pain of social rejection that you are almost certainly trying to cope with here. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "534fy2", "comment_id": "d7q2pt2"}, {"question": "Are there ANY books with adult FEMALE protagonists on the spectrum?", "description": "I'm writing a novel where the protagonist is a woman with Asperger's. (The character is more than loosely based on me.) I'm wondering...is this a first?\n\n**I should clarify that by \"protagonist,\" I mean \"main point of view character.\" :-)**", "answer": "I'd like to say that I think you should do this even if it is not a first, if only because the best books are written by people who \"write what they know.\"", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26mp5r", "comment_id": "chsrkib"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "ckfb8pj"}, {"question": "I need someone to tell me what is this problem with my penis", "description": "20M, 210, 6', Caucasian, No medications, problem (as described below) has been going on as far as I can remember\n\nI can\u2019t retract my foreskin. I always tried when I was younger and always was painful and could never fully retract. I can see part of my glans and can wash some what of it. But I cannot retract all the way to the neck of the penis.\n\nNow everyone is gonna say, is phimosis, I do not believe it is. I made a lot of research and can not find anything that seems to look like what I have. Let me explain.\n\nWhen I try to retract my penis foreskin, it starts showing a little of the glans, from the top side, then when I look at the bottom part, the foreskin is still in the top of the penis head, when I try to pull that area down the opening (external urethral meatus) and the inner foreskin are **literally stuck** together, there is a piece of flesh connecting them together.\n\nThis piece of flesh can not be the frenulum as the frenulum is not close to the meatus, I just don\u2019t understand why is it like that. Is this a condition? I\u2019m sure this cannot be phimosis, as phimosis is tight foreskin not a piece of flesh that makes the top part of the penis stuck to the foreskin.\n\nAny doctors or anyone who is familiar with this?", "answer": "Posts that can involve circumcision bring out strong *non-medical opinions.*\n\nIf you post about whether or not to get circumcision, your post should be removed. If you give forceful advice without flair, you will be temporarily banned to remove you from this thread.\n\nThis is r/AskDocs, for **asking docs.** If you are not a doc, some have already weighed in here, and your editorializing is not welcome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hm0xo7", "comment_id": "fx3rr6j"}, {"question": "I'm done telling people \"I don't drink\"...", "description": "I've started saying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days.\"\n\n---\n\nThere seems to be a certain stigma that comes with being a non-drinker. When I say \"I don't drink\", it's like *oh, you're one of those people.* \n\nSaying \"I'm not much of a drinker these days\" gets the message across without the possibility of triggering that awkwardness. \n\nIdk, it works for me. Maybe you can try it. \n\n---\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Some of this has been said but I\u2019ll just add that when I was newer in sobriety this kind of thing bothered me more. But now I have to say I feel super comfortable saying \u201cNo thanks...I don\u2019t drink\u201d. I\u2019m not saying that the road isn\u2019t challenging sometimes but I really don\u2019t miss it around folks that would judge me for not drinking. I now see their assessment as so insanely-skewed that I\u2019d sooner seek vampires\u2019 or zombies\u2019 thoughts on vegetarianism. It really is a blessing to have found a path to sobriety and to understand how perversely alcohol affected my perceptions and expectations. Again, not always an easy road but thank heavens IWNDWYT!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "huh5g7", "comment_id": "fynz74t"}, {"question": "What happens during a sleep study?", "description": "Hello! I am a 20yo male who has a pretty long history of insomnia, so my psychiatrist recommended that I get a sleep study done. What happens during one?\n\nIn my mind, I'm picturing all sorts of wires stuck to me while somebody is in the next room, just watching me sleep. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is, so I find it hard to imagine sleeping like that. Maybe I've just seen too many doctor shows \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "That's an accurate pictures. There are lots of wires on you, and there is someone on duty, although he or she is more likely to be browsing Reddit than watching you sleep unless there's something specific to watch. It's probably not the most comfortable sleep of your life, but unless you're insomnia is truly terrible you'll fall asleep eventually and get some data. And if you don't sleep at all, that's data too.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n5gpk", "comment_id": "dzt2j04"}, {"question": "At what point do I see a doctor", "description": "I'm a 22yo male, 6' 2\" 160lbs. No known health problems but I do have anxiety, otherwise i'm in seemingly good health.\n\nThis past week I've been experiencing heart palpitations. I guess these are either PACs and/or PVCs. In years past I had similar symtpoms and have gone to the cardiologist twice - once when I was 15 and the other time was when I was 17. I also went to the ER once when I was 20. Each time I made a doctor visit I received normal EKG and echocardiograms (had this done 2 times (at 15 and then at 17yo). I also got a 24-hour holter monitor twice. Everything was normal and the doctor said I just had a few PACs. He said not to worry at all.\n\n\nFast forward a little bit. I have palpitations every now and then and I've taken my doctor's word for it and felt fine with ignoring them. Though, this past week I've been experiencing them very frequently. I have no other symptoms and I've been riding my bike miles per day as usual to go to work. They seem to be somewhat random but at times I have maybe 15 an hour. Sometimes I have a few per minute. They aren't super consistent except that they're consistent throughout the day and I recognize each time I have them. At least a few per hour I'd say, for the past 4 days or so. \n\n\nI have a CityMD urgent care near my apartment and I'm wondering if I should go today before it closes (just moved cities so I don't have a regular doctor yet). It just costs $75 that I don't want to spend knowing that I have major health anxiety and this will probably be nothing. IDK. On the one hand I've had these in the past and everything was fine but I don't ever remember having them so frequently. \n\n\n\nRight now I'm at home and I haven't noticed any palps for a while. Is it necessary to go ASAP or can I just wait this out a little bit and hopefully they'll go away(?) If I had a normal EKG 2 years ago, plus a normal echo about 4 years ago, is this really necessary?? Ultimately I guess I'm scared that I may have developed some structural issue since then.", "answer": "I think that you might want to consider treatment for your anxiety and see how your cardiac symptoms are thereafter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57j1is", "comment_id": "d8swfut"}, {"question": "I'm a wimp", "description": "Everytime somebody says something to me, I can't shrug it off. It clings onto me like a leech. I have so many fights, I have people calling me names. I hate this feeling. I wanna just get off the internet for a while, but by now it's an addition. I'm so connected to the friends I made I can't just go without my phone. ", "answer": "Do some research on Cognitive distortions. Everybody has distorted thoughts and negative self-talk, but you can learn how to recognize and manage those thoughts. Eventually you\u2019ll stop believing them, especially if you can replace them with more positive, accurate thoughts. Your thoughts are not who you are! Don\u2019t let your fear define you!\n\nFor example....\u201dI can\u2019t do this, I\u2019m an idiot.\u201d That\u2019s a distorted thought...how about instead \u201cThis is new to me and I\u2019m learning. I\u2019m doing the best I can and I just have to be patient with myself while I learn.\u201d You got this!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajxd9v", "comment_id": "eezsqfa"}, {"question": "What happened to being able to tell your doctors the truth?", "description": "It literally gets me no where and the only time I get treated is when I lie..I don't like doing that. \n\nFor example. One 'Psychiatrist' I saw I was honest about one of my meds, Ativan, that have taken for years. Naturally I have a tolerance. I told him I take two of the one milligrams to function. He said \" so you are taking more then I told you too?\"\n\nMe \" I guess I am\" \n\nHim\" well I am going to have to ask you to leave my practice\"\n\nI just said ok no problem' but I'm thinking to myself..like damn I can't even tell a shrink the truth? How am I evef going to be treated or get therapy if I can't be honest?? This isn't the only time just one spec example.", "answer": "Whilst I agree that it's not good to take more of anything than recommended, I am a strong proponent of NOT discharging anyone because of it. I mean, what's the point of that? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7f0n6k", "comment_id": "dq8xmkq"}, {"question": "My friend writes terrible sci-fi novels and wastes tons of money on promoting them. How can I help him?", "description": "My friend is a 25-year-old man. He has written a few science fiction novels. I have read some of his writing and it is very boring. The characters are simplistic, the action reads like a video game, and it is generally unappealing to most people, even among sci-fi fans.\n\nI am not a psychiatrist, but I believe he has undiagnosed high-functioning autism (I won't go into detail). He believes that his writing is good and that he will find an audience that will find his writing amazing. He also believes his writing is a gift from God. He spends money on printing and marketing his books. His only review on Amazon was negative.\n\nI am currently being supportive of his writing career. I tell him that his writing is not the type I'm interested in, but as long as he knows who his audience is, he should ignore everybody else's opinions and focus on improving his writing to cater to his target audience.\n\nI want to help him however I can, but I am only his friend, so I know my options are limited. What can I do?", "answer": "I mean, if he enjoys writing and he's not going into debt to promote it, then why dissuade him? He's having fun and doing something he enjoys.\n\nHowever, if you think he might have high-functioning autism, you could consider asking him to think about seeing a psychologist for a diagnosis. Maybe find an online Asperger's quiz and encourage him to take it to see if it fits his life. Of course, you need to be careful to present this in a way that isn't offensive.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zds7m", "comment_id": "cfsrdrt"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you. I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review. At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page. The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "dm32q8i"}, {"question": "I started taking Cymbalta 3 days ago and experienced some fairly awful side effects so I'm quitting tomorrow. No possibility for withdrawal?", "description": "Hello! \n\nAs per the title I started taking Cymbalta about 3 days ago but it gave me some side effects I couldn't quite stick out (elevated heart rate, worse anxiety, and chills) so I decided to drop off of it. I called my pharmacists and they said I shouldn't have any issues after three days, however, I wanted to get some other opinions here. I've heard some stories about this drug (which I didn't look into until after taking it, sigh) where people have had intense withdrawal systems some people claiming only after taking it for a week or less. \n\nI'm inclined to think those are a bit on the dramatic side, has anyone had experience with this drug? I can't imagine after only 4 days I will experience the dire effects people who've taken it long term have, however, based on the stories of others should I expect anything? \n\nThank you! ", "answer": "You shouldn't get any withdrawal symptoms after just 3 days.\n\nWhat's it being prescribed for, and what meds have you been on previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54d5l0", "comment_id": "d8148ag"}, {"question": "What do I say?", "description": "I'm 16, and I just got a girlfriend. We've hung out a few times, and I want to do something cheap. I want to ask her to come over to my house. I'm assuming her parents won't allow it, so if they won't, how do I ask to come over to her place without it sounding creepy/weird?", "answer": "\"Do you want to hang out at my house? No? You can't? Could we hang out at your house?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eyhev", "comment_id": "die1r3e"}, {"question": "Please, the literature available online is so confusing does heavy adolescent cannabis use for one year have lasting effects if stopped?", "description": "Hi I'm 17M 5' 7\" 135 lbs and white. I started smoking weed 1 year and 1 month ago and I have been using it anywhere from 1-3 times most days with some breaks ranging from a week or two to a month, I am going to stop immediately because the thought of ruining my mind is giving me anxiety attacks. To get a bit more specific I probably smoked about a gram every 4-5 days max. Please tell me if, even with stopping, my brain will be permanently altered and if so how much and in what ways. Is there anything I can do other than abstinence to remedy what I have done. I appreciate any help this is causing me no small amount of stress.", "answer": "The answer matters for public health, but it actually has no effect for you. You can\u2019t go back and not smoke, so what difference it makes is an entirely hypothetical question.\n\nThe best thing for now is to quit. Whatever is reversible will reverse, and whatever is avoidable will be avoided.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fwvnrt", "comment_id": "fmqtw5i"}, {"question": "Am I crazy for wanting to go to a mental hospital?", "description": "I have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety, and have had some suicidal idealizations, although I know I could never go through with it since too many people would be upset if I was gone. Yet I still wish for death. And I have a gut feeling that I want to go to a mental hospital, yet I can\u2019t seem to be able to tell why. I\u2019m not worried about harming myself, yet I can\u2019t get the thought out of my mind. Any feedback is appreciated.", "answer": "Sounds like you have some protective factors that can be a source of strength for you. Have you attempted any kind of outpatient work for what's going on? Perhaps seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist (or both)? That might be a better place to start as opposed to seeking an inpatient admission.\n\nYou are always free to go to your local facility and ask to talk to someone about an inpatient admission. They can advise you on the pros and cons of an admission and if they feel it would be appropriate for you.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f34kja", "comment_id": "fhhbpjv"}, {"question": "Need input from a parent who has lost a kid.", "description": "Preface: Not looking for \"Don't do it, this (insert bullshit reason) is enough to keep you going\" responses. Please save those for someone who isn't lost. I really just....well, title.\n\nLong story short (which, if need really be, can be elaborated via pm's) is that this IS going to happen, I just need to know how long I need to wait.\n\nI have a selfish reason that is keeping me going 'till around August-September. It is at this time that I will reassess and see if another month will be tolerable or not.\n\n**My question comes in here.**\nHow hard was it for you when you lost your child?\nI ask because my decision kinda rides on how my parents will take it, seeing as they're the main reason I'm still here. I'd like to not hurt them any more than necessary, but I know I'm dragging them down with me the longer I continue.\n\nSo essentially it comes down to: right now, after my selfish deadline, or (hopefully not, but if necessary) after they croak?", "answer": "The best answer I can give, really fucking hard. It fucks you up like few things possibly could. You question everything you've ever thought about. It makes you think you failed as a parent and your kid hated you/did not trust you. It makes you think as if you deserved to lose your kid because you had been such a failure as a parent. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "659v7s", "comment_id": "dg92y2o"}, {"question": "Does anyone have a higher FSH than Lh levels that got diagnosed with PCOS?", "description": "I have read online that your levels of lh should be 2x or more higher than fsh. But mine is the quite opposite they are both in normal ranges. I am confused should I go for a second opinion?", "answer": "You don\u2019t need every symptom on the list to have PCOS. My FSH:LH ratio is generally normal but I have pleeenty of other symptoms (though no string of pearls ovarian cysts - which I would imagine is what\u2019s responsible for the higher LH anyway). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8mhon4", "comment_id": "dznuntn"}, {"question": "Day 1 Journey to the rest of my life", "description": "Today is my first day back on the road to recovery. I have a couple of days off work and it is back to the ole grindstone Wednesday so I hope that I can keep this sense of freedom and power going. Right now I feel like everything super raw and real. It's like a crust that covered my mind body and soul is being washed off and I'm left learning to live again. Ive been smoking marijuana and slowly cleaning my space and preparing for the journey. Had semi intense craving momentarily. I have not really prepared much and am kinda winging this quit. 30 / grams day for around a year. Wish me luck gang!\n", "answer": "How are you guys doing? I\u2019m coming up on my 5th day and I still feel pretty terrible. I\u2019ve only been using for a year with a peak of 20-30g a day during a major surgery. Toward the last month I was down to 10-15g before I jumped. I haven\u2019t been able to sleep without ambien, I have a constant headache, zero energy, and my body feels like it\u2019s on fire laying down. I still have my eye on the prize and have no intention of using kratom again. Just wanted to check in because I\u2019m pretty sure we all quit around the same time. ", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9ogwg9", "comment_id": "e83vi3u"}, {"question": "Is it possible for a cis boy with gynecomastia to develop gender dysphoria or a simmiliar condition?", "description": "I'm a 35yo cis bi male. When i was a younger i had a bad case of gynecomastia (male breast growth) which led to me being sexual harrassed and assualted. Last year i came out of the closet and began to engage with the llgbt community online. As i engaged with them one thing that fasianated me was they way pre op trans men talked about gender dysphoria and thier chests. The way they talked about felt distrubingly simmiliar to the way i felt about my gynecomastia. Is it possible that as a teenage cis male, that having breasts could trigger gender dysphoria or something simmiliar?", "answer": "Not a diagnosis, just some info: There are body dysmorphic disorders and body dysmorphic-like disorders which are categorized under the obsessive-compulsive and related disorders in the DSM 5. So it depends if you\u2019re feeling a strong desire to be a different gender or if it\u2019s a preoccupation with your body due to the gynecomastia presentation. So if you want breasts because they feel more like who you are inside it could be gender dysphoria if you don\u2019t want breasts and prefer you had a more \u201cmasculine\u201d chest it might be more related to body dysmorphia. If you currently see a T this would be a good topic to explore, if you don\u2019t have one it wouldn\u2019t hurt to start and have a place to explore these feelings.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ey96h7", "comment_id": "fggles8"}, {"question": "In 7 minutes I will be 30 days sober!", "description": "Thank you all for helping me achieve sobriety! I love you all. Iwdwyt", "answer": "Congratulations! \ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\ud83c\udf89\n\nThat's a huge accomplishment. In therapist school we'd be told to normalize relapse at this point, but I'm actually just excited for you \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d9w4n0", "comment_id": "f1n1l5d"}, {"question": "Tips for insomnia?", "description": "My sleeping has been way off over the past month. I usually go through phases with insomnia; it comes and goes as it pleases and gets worse with stress/anxiety. Anybody got any tips to cope? Thanks.", "answer": "There is a free app the US Navy uses called CBT-i app. It helps you log your sleep, gives you tips to help fall asleep and lower symptoms. Melatonin tablets help people with insomnia fall asleep. Also if you'd like to just drink it, try a NeuroSleep drink. They have 5-HTP and Melatonin in it. Best of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "548p7r", "comment_id": "d7zvbw2"}, {"question": "How should I ask my therapist for my diagnosis?", "description": "I want to bring it up at our next session, but don\u2019t know how to broach the subject.", "answer": "I would say, I'm curious what diagnosis you have for me? \n\nAre you paying with insurance? Because many therapists actually are very hesitant to formally diagnose clients. However, when using insurance it is required in order to get paid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d3licd", "comment_id": "f03p5hc"}, {"question": "Advice for an introvert trying to talk to an even more introverted crush", "description": "I have a huge crush on this girl but whenever I see her around school or in class my heart skips a beat and I freeze up. I can\u2019t say hi or anything, I just give a quick glance and walk away feeling like an idiot. It also doesn\u2019t help that she is also very introverted and won\u2019t go out of her way to initiate conversation. Some of her friends have told me that she likes me though but neither of us can seem to talk to each other. We sit a couple seats away in one class everyday and give each other glances. There is an occasional conversation between us but it usually involves the group of people around talking as well. What should I do to gain the courage to go talk to her? This has really never happened to me before, I don\u2019t have any problem talking to girls normally. However I know that once we start talking I won\u2019t be this nervous, I just need to break through that first barrier and maybe get her number.", "answer": "Like I say to most folks in similar situations, start out by casually greeting her on a more regular basis. On your way in to class or when you see her just say \"hey\" or \"good morning\". Simple smile and nod and be on your way.\n\nIt's honestly good practice to get in the habit of doing that with just about everyone. It makes it much easier to initiate a conversation later and reduces anxiety. It also shows others that you're friendly and you're not going to jump down their throats if they try to engage you. Most people are not going to be rude to you just for a greeting, but if they are, then you pretty much know they're not worth bothering with.\n\nAfter you feel a little more confident, ask her a question about something. Could be anything, even something you already know the answer to just to have an excuse to spark up a conversation. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9lpjdo", "comment_id": "e78igdk"}, {"question": "Another effect of sobriety...libido...lol ?", "description": "As I've discovered, there are many changes that come with sobriety. One I wasn't expecting was at 45 years old my libido suddenly not only returning, but with the ferocity of a high school student in puberty....lol.\n\nAnyone else experience this ? Another way my body is returning to normal ?\n\nJust curious...maybe it's just me...lol.", "answer": "Actually, me too! I'm 85 days sober, and I think mine started to come back a couple of weeks ago. At least, that's when I started to notice.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dllm2r", "comment_id": "f4ruwgt"}, {"question": "Quarantine is a true test of friendship here.", "description": "As bleak and blunt as this may sound, if people aren't making an effort to reach out and say hello, or get snapchats, etc from people you know -- they're not your friend. \n\nThink about it, you have literally NOTHING to do, and you could check in on your friends or even establish contact in some form due to being inside and probably on social media.\n\nThis time of quarantine is going to actually show you who your true friends are, and simply put, if they don't reach out or make an effort to during this time, then you may need to re-evaluate your friendships.", "answer": "Some of us are still really busy, working demanding jobs amidst uncertainty and unprecedented stress. Please assume the best when you finally interact with people.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "fmmbef", "comment_id": "fl5ad0i"}, {"question": "My mother [58] is losing her ability to speak, all tests inconclusive except for one test for microtoxins, moving on to doc #5 and I don\u2019t know what to do going forward", "description": "My mother is losing her ability to speak and I don\u2019t know what to do\n\nThis has been going on for two years and started off by me and my sibling noticing her voice starting to change. Fast forward two years and my moms ability to speak is almost entirely gone, and gotten worse in the past two months particularly.\n\nIt\u2019s sounds like she is a baby or younger person and causes heavy sluring, essentially she\u2019s lost all articulation and speed. Her mental ability is still 100% there, we\u2019ve done multiple tests for memory, etc and she comes up in the higher percentiles for her age.\n\nShe writes me detailed letters that demonstrate her cognitive ability, no mental illness in the family.\n\nShe is 58, exercises daily (since college) and only eats healthy food. No smoking or drinking.\n\nShe is on the fifth doctor (CA) and they are starting from square 0 again with tests for ALS, dementia, etc.. but I have a feeling after another 6 months of testing we will find inconclusive results once again. As we have with all doctors (nobody can find what\u2019s wrong).\n\nEDIT: a (belived urine, will confirm when know) test for rare micro toxins that were detected, my mother testing in the range of 608 ng/g for Mycophenolic Acid, where the acceptable rate is roughly \\~38. Please see this comment for more discussion on this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my\\_mother\\_58\\_is\\_losing\\_her\\_ability\\_to\\_speak\\_all/fsnmo6u/?utm\\_source=share&utm\\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/guzowl/my_mother_58_is_losing_her_ability_to_speak_all/fsnmo6u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)\n\nThere\u2019s is nothing that has changed mentally for my mother outside the newly added stress (she is on disability for work because her job requires talking) but I\u2019m loosing my mind watching my mother lose her ability to talk, and I don\u2019t know what to do or where to look. All the tests she passes and I just don\u2019t know I just want hear her voice again.\n\nWhat can I do to get to the bottom of this? We\u2019ve spent so much on these studies that show up inconclusive, nobody is giving me solid advice, every doctor wants to test the same things again (which I understand as its due process), but I need to figure this out.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n# *********** Updates *************\n\nMy mom first noticed her ability to speak leaving in 2017, this \"illness\" has been a gradual climb since then and is now rapidly accelerating into her not being able to speak anymore. She can barely communicate for 2-3hrs of the day at the moment and this number is dwindling.\n\nShe has/is attempting western medicine solutions, we are on a long chain of specialists and referrals that started around late 2017.\n\nShe also believes in trying homeopathic/eastern medicine options, hence the long list of supplements.\n\nOne of the biggest concerns is the high level of Mycophenolic Acid that appeared in my mothers urine samples. She was not tested for Mycophenolic acid until after she had been on her supplements for roughly six-eight months, she started the supplements early 2019.\n\nShe moved homes in 2018, the home she moved into was torn down to the foundation (by her) and rebuilt (this process **finished** in 2018), before moving in the home was checked for mold and no results came back. I have a theory that her furniture could have accumulated mold (all her main furniture sat in storage during the remodel).\n\nWhat I'm trying to do:\n\n\\- Make her condition and known results publicly and easily accessible by you guys\n\n\\- Forwarding all questions to her and recording all responses\n\n\\- Sending love to my mother\n\nWe plan on having the house re-checked for mold and will be moving her out temporarily in hopes that her condition improves (hoping that this is the cause of all this).\n\n**Please see edit 3 for the newest test results**\n\n# EDIT 2:\n\nThis is round one of information that I received, more will be incoming throughout the day when she finishes her swallow study today.\n\nAll symptoms are on the left side of throat/jaw/mouth\n\n**Tests:**\n\n* brain MRI in May 2019 was normal.\n* DAT scan for Parkinsons and PSP was normal in May 2019\n* EMG nerve test for ALS in April, 2019 was normal\n* Nuero psych exam in May 2020 normal\n* MRI of abdomen shows subcapsular cysts on spleen and thoracic roots\n* MRI of neck shows osteocytes on C 5,6\n* Abnormal blood tests are:\n* elevated ANA antibody\n* chronic past EBV infection-high titers\n* chronic low Vitamin D levels\n* Mycotoxin of Ochratoxin A and Mycophelonic acid\n* Heavy metals: Mercury, lead and arsenic. We have not tested for Aluminum or Cadium yet.\n\n**Medication:**\n\n\\- Levothyroxine for thyroid\n\n\\- Losartan for blood pressure\n\n\\- estrogen and progesterone hormones\n\n**Vitamins:**\n\n* C, D, E\n* Zinc\n* CoQ10\n* L-Lysine\n* Choline and Inositol\n* Quercetin\n* Turmeric\n* Omega 3\n* Oleic Acid\n* Linoleic Acid\n* Alpha Lipoic Acid\n* Selenium\n* Chromium Picolinate\n* Pyconogenol\n* Revervatrol\n* Biotin\n\n**Herbs:**\n\n* Usnea\n* Cat\u2019s Claw\n* Holy Basil\n* Astragulus\n* Astaxanthin\n* Ashwaganda\n* Black Walnut\n* Baikal Skullcap\n* Reishi mushroom\n* Milk thistle\n* Cryptoleptis\n* Ginger\n* Grapefruit seed extract\n* Juniper berries\n* Andrographis\n* Lemon Balm\n\nNotes from mom:\n\nI only started taking a majority of these beginning 11/2019. My symptoms of choking on liquids and slurred speech began back in September 2017.\n\n# EDIT 3:\n\nPathogen-associated immune reactivity screen results : [https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g](https://imgur.com/a/b4esY5g)\n\nUrine test results : [https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ](https://imgur.com/a/jLpaXtJ)\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Swallow results:**\n\n\\- Not aspirating or accumulating fluid in the lungs\n\n\\- Base of the tongue was determined \"weak\" which contributes to problems speaking, eating, swallowing, etc.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**my mom on the auto-immune disorder:**\n\n\"To better answer your question on autoimmune. The ANA is a high positive for general autoimmune distinction, but then they did further tests for lupus, celiac, and other particular autoimmune disorders. The only one that came back positive is for \"anticardioliphin\" antibody, which means I am prone to blood clots. Never had one though!\"\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "She's taking over 30 assorted vitamins and supplements. My first recommendation would be to stop those. The contents are minimally regulated, the quality control very poor, and the benefit even if they are what they claim to be speculative.\n\nI doubt the mycophenolate level is significant, but I would be unsurprised if there were mycophenolate in something that she's taking. Or heavy metals, which seem to be a regular contaminant. There's no reason for a laundry list of supplements: the only clear effect is to cause wallet damage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "guzowl", "comment_id": "fsnq9m4"}, {"question": "What are some definite signs it's not going anywhere?", "description": "I met my current boyfriend 11 months ago. Initially he did not want to be exclusive and I forced the issue for awhile until I gave up and left him for approximately a week. He came back to me wanting to start an exclusive relationship. \n\nIn June 2016 we became exclusive and slowly progressed. He wanted to take things extremely slow. There are certain aspects of my relationship that scream progression. He wants to meet my family. Yet I feel used. \n\nI feel like he comes in and out of my apartment. Lives freely without the intent to make me more. I feel like I'm just someone he is with in the meantime. I feel that our relationship is simply him having a good time. \n", "answer": "if it's defined as exclusive, he should be paying more attention. rule of thumb:: if you want to be married and there's no plan after a year, it's likely never to happen.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5msdi9", "comment_id": "dc60lqk"}, {"question": "I always delete the comments I\u2019m about to make or completely rearrange what I\u2019m about to say to someone text wise.", "description": "I don\u2019t like sharing my thoughts, mostly because I think it won\u2019t matter and it always brings some type of negativity. (Not because my thoughts are bad, just because people have opinions and someone always thinks something is wrong)", "answer": "The fact that you\u2019re worried about how others will perceive your ideas is a good indication that you are thoughtful and conscientious. The internet is filled with people who hide behind their usernames projecting their insecurities onto everyone else without even having an opinion or logical idea to share. I would say the world needs more people like you to share your thoughts for discussion. To avoid sharing an idea out of fear that others may not agree or take offense is, in my opinion, an idea worth sharing.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "drwytw", "comment_id": "f6mook8"}, {"question": "ADHD & Toxic Shame", "description": "(Note: this is a reply to another post, but I wanted to share it with the wider community)\n\nI've been doing a lot of research on ADHD, and the word \"shame\" keeps coming up. Like, \"[Shame can become a dominant emotion into adulthood as harsh internal dialogues, or criticism from others, becomes ingrained](https://www.additudemag.com/symptoms-of-add-hyperarousal-rejection-sensitivity/).\" \n\nI dug into \"shame\" yesterday, and was floored when I came across a type of shame called [\"toxic shame.\"](https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-toxic-shame/) Toxic shame is consistent, internalized, negative thoughts and emotions, directed at the self. It is often hidden from the conscious mind. It shapes our self-image. It can lead to depression, anxiety, codependence, and other shitty states of being. It is rooted in childhood trauma. \n\nRSD, combined with executive function challenges, makes those of us with ADHD highly susceptible to toxic shame (particularly those who had an adverse upbringing and/or were diagnosed later in life). This can lead to something called \"shame anxiety.\" We feel anxious about taking action, for fear of the RSD-supercharged-shame we would feel if we *perceive* failure. So we don't take any action at all. This anxiety-induced action-paralysis often leads to the very shame we were trying to avoid. It can easily become negative feedback loop that compounds into a profoundly negative self-image as the years go by, affecting every aspect of our lives.\n\nIt makes sense that we feel this way. Shame is a basic human emotion \u2014 it's: \"an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness \u2026 it is the only emotion that is dysfunctional for the individual, and functional at a group level.\" [Link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame). \n\nShame is evolution's way of keeping those who violate social norms in line, in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the group. However, most modern social norms were established for neurotypicals. So those of us with ADHD who, *through no fault of our own*, find it exceedingly difficult conform to modern social norms, feel shame. RSD-enhanced shame. Often. So much so, that we internalize it. And it becomes toxic.\n\nTo me, this understanding was revelatory. Having an ADHD brain means that I *am* different than most people. And I *don't* necessarily fit into the boxes of society. And that's okay. I absolutely *do not* need to be ashamed of it.\n\nTL;DR: People with ADHD are susceptible to something called toxic shame, which can be devastating.\n\nTL;DR the TL;DR: [Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR_K7va6Wg0)\n", "answer": "This is amazing and thanks for sharing. FYI There is a book called\u201d Healing the shame that binds you\u201d by John Bradshaw. Really dives into toxic shame!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a808dy", "comment_id": "ec770q3"}, {"question": "Stopping as a college student", "description": "For a while, it was easy to convince myself that I didn't have a drinking problem. And perhaps I didn't for some period of time. However, I soon found myself myself so much looking forward to being drunk at a party, and not just for the party itself. One thing that really hit me is when one of my friends (who I also suspect of possibly having a drinking problem) said something along the lines of, \"Everyone knows you're only really going to a party to get drunk\". And I could totally relate to that, even though I doubt that's the reason most people without a drinking problem go.\n\nStarting this year (following a pretty rough break up), I've found myself drinking more and more. After turning 21, I started getting drunk to the point of passing out nearly every night. And it wasn't always that I was necessarily upset about something that day\u2014it just alleviated boredom and made watching Netflix so much easier to do.\n\nI've decided to give up drinking, but the thought really scares me. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy my life without alcohol. Especially as a college student at a pretty geographically remote university, where life is pretty much centered around \"going out\". My father is an alcoholic, as were two of my grandparents, so I certainly am genetically disposed to it.\n\nSo, I don't know what I really want in terms of replies here. Maybe some reassurance that life can be just OK without alcohol. Maybe someone with a similar experience to share a brief story and a couple of tips that have worked for you.\n\nThanks in advance, everyone. :)", "answer": "I got sober at 17 a year and a half ago. I went to AA and worked the steps and continued to work the steps. Still sober today as a result of that. Your path may be the same or it may be different, but I urge you to find some support in the form of recovery meetings.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23p77z", "comment_id": "cgzc359"}, {"question": "Could I be pregnant?", "description": "I am 26 yo f, 57kg, 165cm fall. I have an 11wo son who I am breast feeding. I got my first period 6 wks postpartum exactly. I have always had a very regular cycle. I am now 5 days late, experienced some painful cramping in the early hours of the morning 3 nights ago but nothing came. Usually when I have cramping that means I\u2019m about to get my period within the next hour. I had headaches and fatigue about a week ago. But I am taking ethymicin from a rash from pregnancy. The headaches still come sometimes. I remember this was my first symptom when I was pregnant, I went and got my eyes tested because I thought my glasses needed to be adjusted. But I\u2019ve been told how rare it is to fall pregnant while breastfeeding?", "answer": "Rare doesn't mean impossible, especially if you've been having sex without any other birth control. If you've had a period, you could easily be ovulating as well, so you could have gotten pregnant. It's at least worth a home pregnancy test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "928scl", "comment_id": "e33yuy1"}, {"question": "Are there science backed non-pharmaceutical methods of curing a hypothyroid?", "description": "Male, 26. \n5\u20196\u201d, 196lbs. \nOverweight. Vitals all normal. CBC and chem panel normal. In Feb, TSH was 16, but after starting levothyroxine 25mcg, it is down to the 4.xx range. \n \nLevo is the only medication I have ever taken. And I would really like to not take any medications... I understand how important it is to keep my thyroid in check, so I ask you docs and healthcare providers, is there a non-pharmaceutical method of correcting this new thyroid issue? \n \nI know I need to lose weight. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat healthier. And I want to make these changes. ", "answer": "In brief, no. There is no established way to increase thyroid function. It's possible that you had transient hypothyroidism that would self\\-correct \\(post\\-infection, for example\\) but no way to know other than monitoring.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8grfbx", "comment_id": "dye3x1e"}, {"question": "Struggling to understand what I assume to be panic attacks", "description": "(33 yr old, cauc, male, 6'2/180, CA, no previous history of GI issues. Have been taking Tums and recently Omeprazole to offset discomfort.)\n\nOver the last few years my body/mind has triggered the onset what I assuming to be panic attacks. Symptoms include a strong pressure in my heart region and need to constantly burp to relief this pressure. My left arm (heart side) also tenses up and I usually find myself hooking this hand in my bent buckle to stabilize. I have extreme shortness of breath the entire time, despite understanding that I need to \"just breathe\" to relax. I sip tiny amounts of water during this which helps with promote the burps to relief the pressure on the heart side of my chest. The entire time I feel like my heart of going to explode at any moment. Episodes can last 30 minutes to multiple hours. The the frequency of these episodes are random, but I have found that I am sometimes prone to them after consuming the mildest spicy food, or minimal alcohol or cannabis consumption. Due to this theory I have greatly reduced any of this consumption over the last few years.\n\nI am extremely active 33 yr old male, very healthy eater, that practices lots of deep stretching and yoga exercises. I feel very minimal stress in my life other than when this occurs. I have tailored my life in all aspects to being self aware of how I am feeling to reduce the risk of these episodes.\n\nLast night I woke up after 2 hours of sleep and instantly felt like my heart was going to explode. It took 2 hours of extreme discomfort to calm down enough to go back to sleep. I woke up 5 hours later with mild discomfort and the continuous need to burp to relieve pressure in the heart side of my chest. I have continuing to work through this discomfort and I write this post.\n\nThanks in advance for listening and any advice/insight/guidance you can offer.", "answer": "Those could be panic attacks, but they're not classic, and the burping and timing with spicy food, alcohol, and cannabis makes me think that this may instead be GERD (acid reflux). Do these attacks happen more at night when you are laying down? Any sour taste in your mouth? Do Tums and/or omeprazole help?\n\nIt seems like something that you should see a doctor for. A careful history and exam might be able to clarify what's going on and guide treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cx5axd", "comment_id": "eyix8mb"}, {"question": "[32/m] Broke up with my girlfriend [25/f] and finding it hard to reconcile the potential loss", "description": "Forgive the wall of text. Though I suspect many of these posts suffer from this. Please bear with me if you can.\n\n**tl;dr: Had amazing relationship with a girl, but things went south when I let my expectations get out of hand, which slowly pushed her away and we broke up. Realize my mistake now, but worried it's too late.**\n\nI met an amazing girl about a year ago to this day, and we clicked almost instantly. We began hanging out... purely as friends for the first month or so. Then one drunken night things took an unexpected turn when, while she was helping carry some stuff back to my place, she tripped and fell. And as I helped her up we exchanged a cheesy, cliched, but endearing first kiss.\n\n**As background to both of us:** *She had just recently got out of a failed long-distance relationship, and I had slightly less recently exited a 4 year live-in relationship in which we simply fell out of love.*\n\nAfter that kiss, and a series of dates, we agreed to start officially dating. Though she had some worries. She had a deep desire to leave the country as soon as chance would allow, though was likely stuck here for at least 2-3 years in order to gather work experience. She was also obsessed with keeping herself busy at all times - Every minute needed to be productive or useful. I needed to accept that she was, for lack of better words - a busy-bee and a bit of a scatterbrain. I agreed that we should just enjoy the time we spend together, and not get bogged down in anything too serious.\n\n*Side note: In this way we were opposites that attracted, as I much prefer to be basking in the relaxing nothingness of life. And so she found a little inner-peace when she was around me, and I, in turn, became more motivated.*\n\nFast forward about 7 months. We are meeting regularly, and everything is awesome! The sex, our conversations, our social life balance. It all just clicked. It worked!\n\nThen... we decided to take a trip to Thailand together. And **that's when everything changed**.\n\nWe had an amazing time on that trip, and I recall a moment when something flipped in my head. We were *good* for each other! And I wanted to do *more* than just \"date!\" I wanted us to become even *more* serious... God... To this day I have *no idea* what \"more serious\" even entailed. I certainly wasn't wanting children, or even marriage, and neither was she. What did \"more\" mean?\n\nSo we continued just how we were, but now it never felt like it was enough for me. Examples:\n\n* She hated texting, and so would regularly take a long time to reply, or sometimes entirely ignore a question. I had no problem with this \"before\", but *now* I was expecting her to reply in at least a timely manner (like, sometime during that day), and answer a question if I asked one.\n* She was obsessed with keeping herself busy and relished the time that she was doing productive things. \"Before\" if plans would change because of her schedule, I'd take them in my stride and go about my own stuff. *Now* I was becoming upset if plans changed.\n* While we were lazing around together, she would sometimes have mini panic-attacks about all the stuff she had to get done with the remainder of the weekend. \"Before\" I would try help her or let her go, but *now* I was frustrated and jealous that she seemed to prize this other stuff over spending an afternoon with me.\n\nI am writing these points with all the 20/20 hindsight that comes with a break-up. At the time I just thought she wasn't giving enough, and I regrettably guilt-tripped her for it. Sometimes by getting sad, or frustrated, or just cold... because I felt like I was being superceeded by these other things she wanted to do.\n\nI should add - in defence of myself - that it's not like we were meeting multiple times a week during this period. We'd meet perhaps for a day and a night on the weekend, sometimes that might spill over to the whole weekend - though that was rare. I didn't *feel* as though our time together was all that time-consuming. But I was increasingly of the opinion that *she* felt our time together was time consuming.\n\nWhat I realize now is that much of this was a result of me pushing expectations on her that she never agreed upon to begin with. And while I'd have at least hoped for some compromise on her part, I can understand now that if you have X to give, you can't necessarily give more than X.\n\nWhen we decided to break up, it was of course over one of these \"not giving enough\" moments. I felt as though I had given and given, and received not enough in return. Though the hind-sight reality is that my expectations were making her push back and distance herself even further, which resulted in her giving less and less. And so my being upset would make *her* upset (because she did genuinely care about how I felt), and then she would feel bad for making me feel bad, and I would feel bad for making *her* feel bad. It was a vicious cycle that had repeated itself at least on half a dozen occasions at least, and it was finally all too much.\n\nAnd so we parted. It was heart-breaking for both of us as we knew it was such a shame that all of this was coming to an end over such a \"petty\" difference, but it seemed like the only option at the time. This all happened on Sunday. Haha, yes... very recent.\n\nOver the last few days however, I've become wracked with guilt, as I finally realized that I had become everything I didn't want to be in the last 3 or 4 months of our relationship. I had become the demanding, overbearing boyfriend that wanted everything my way. Though to be fair, what I was \"demanding\" wasn't to see her every day or anything so obsessive. No no, all I was asking for was to be able to see her on the weekend without plans changing all the time, and to be able to text/chat to her without her getting distracted by other stuff halfway through a conversation.\n\nBut what I was asking of her was simply **more than she was willing to give**. I realize this now.\n\nJust yesterday I went around to her house, and explained this realization. I felt it was important for her to know that I was essentially the cause for much of this. I also explained that I don't even know *why* that switch flipped in me. I was *so* happy with how things were before our trip, and I truly don't know why I started wanting to be more serious afterwards, and why I began demanding more. Because the **truth was that I'd have been happy to let things continue as they were**.\n\nI screwed up big-time by not putting myself in check when my expectations suddenly changed. I knew what she was willing to put in, and I ignored it. And the tragedy is, like I've said, I don't even know *why* I suddenly had these expectations when I was so happy with how things were before.\n\nWe both agree that we don't necessarily want to be out of each others life forever. I have a couple of pet ferrets that she absolutely adores. She wants to continue to be able to look after them, should I go on holiday etc. But clearly she needs time to think, and process everything that's happened. It's been an intense, stressful and emotional couple of weeks and I think she's reached her limit.\n\nBut I guess what I'm wondering is, at a cursory glance, **is there a way for this to be salvaged?** I mean, we both still have deep feelings for one-another. I'm just hoping that given enough time, something might rise back out of the ashes.\n\nIf you made it all this way, thanks for reading.", "answer": "all relationships can be renewed. just talk and see where it goes.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ubu02", "comment_id": "ddsvv8p"}, {"question": "I (M30) want to constructively communicate about responsibility with my SO (F29)", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and non-critical as I can. Examples are for clarity, not complaints.\n\nI'm getting quite frustrated with my girlfriend of ~2 years. She's a great girl by most measures, but I'm having trouble communicating my position/worries about personal responsibility with her. She's quite low-maintenance, as typical things go, so maybe I should shut up and be glad, but she's got some of what many guys may consider a childish outlook in terms of responsibility. Here are some examples of situations that bother me:\n\n1. Driving directions: many times this has happened. I'm driving, so I ask her to gps directions. She will, but not without thorough instructions. Some part of me gets to the point where I want to yell \"I can't look at the phone because I'm driving, figure it the hell out yourself!\" Worse than that, yesterday for example, I ask her to get directions and the route that google suggested was totally nonsensical, so I told her \"look at the full map and tell me where I need to go. I don't need you repeating what the gps says because it doesn't make sense, I need you to read the map.\" and she proceeded to repeat what google said. I stopped, read the map, and it was clear that the gps had me going the wrong way around 10 blocks instead of just making a right and going 2 blocks.\n\n2. Lack of car maintenance: Early in our relationship, she had a car with some miles on it. Long story short, it leaked trans fluid over time and the trans ended up grinding itself to death. She sold it for scrap and bought another car. It made awful noises and lost power on its final journey, but she seemed to have no idea. On another occasion a tire blew out on the highway (not sure if low pressure or she hit something, she claimed to not hit anything) so she drove a couple of miles to an exit before calling AAA. In both cases she paid for everything, of course. What I can't deal with is that this sort of negligence could ending up getting her or someone else hurt or costing us as a married couple because she simply has no knowledge/desire/belief that she should have to do anything to maintain her car. Everyone has the responsibility to look after their car, and I've tried telling her that you need more than just quick checkups at oil changes. I even had to teach her how to check air pressure. I'm SUPER happy to teach her anything and everything, and I'll even help change oil/whatever WITH her (not for her), but seriously, she's gone 12+ years driving cars without EVER checking her air pressure? This shit could get someone killed.\n\n3. Lack of awareness: This one came up today on a 4 hour road trip. First, she slept the whole way, made no offer to drive, didn't even say thank you for driving. Worse than that, we've been planning a birthday trip to a destination ~2 hours away, but this road trip was to the beach and she said she'd prefer to go to the beach for her birthday. Fine, but she acts like there's no effort or cost in driving. There's seemingly zero consideration for anyone's effort. Same goes with cleaning things up around the house (she doesn't live with me, but spends almost every night at my ). Also related to driving: despite us talking about how bad it is to merge onto highway traffic slowly, she merges onto highways at speeds like 45mph. Somehow she just doesn't have a concept that what she does is wrong or not good enough.\n\n4. She gets upset REALLY easy: if I try telling her something she's doing isn't good enough, I'm just being a jerk. The crying threshold is very low in general. It seems like telling her to go figure something out on her own is an unjust imposition and knocking her down like she's not good enough. It makes things very difficult to discuss without getting her very upset. \n\nI know this seems to belong in /offmychest, but I'm only listing stories for color/clarity. To me, it screams of growing up as daddy's spoiled little girl. She's usually very low maintenance, but there are so many times where I just want to tell her that I'm not her dad and I'm not here to do everything for her and she needs to step up figure shit out on her own sometimes. I want an equal partnership more than a traditional relationship. I don't mind sometimes indulging the old-timey relationship ideals, and I don't mind playing the gentleman, but it's so hard to give more when I feel like I'm silently expected to wait on her. It makes me want to leave her behind with her arms full and let her realize she's a big girl and has to do shit. And it's usually little things on a daily basis, so I'm stuck in that place where any one thing is niggling but the whole picture adds up to a big complaint. But if you start making lists, you're an asshole. I'm made comments in the past and I'm frequently told that I'm just being mean, like me asking her to assume a duty is being mean because no one has previously asked her to have to be actually responsible for anything.\n\nTL:DR: My girlfriend is generally low maintenance but doesn't actively try very hard. If I asked her to paint a wall, I feel like I'd have to show her how to open the paint can, pour it, wet the roller, roll it on the wall, when to re-wet it, and if the wall came out bad, it was my fault for not explaining something. It makes me scared about marriage, like I'm going to have to do everything simply because she doesn't think she has to figure out anything on her own. Like the kid in school who can't do 6+5= because she was only taught how to do 5+5= in class. I want to talk constructively about this with her but I feel like I'm just going to end up being a jerk and getting mad. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "everyone has idiosyncrasies that are best ignored. save your energy for big stuff. my wife hasn't turned off a light or locked a door in 38 years. the key to ltr is letting go of the small stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7a4s", "comment_id": "dhkcoft"}, {"question": "Does anyone reccomend A.A", "description": "I feel as if it may trigger me more than help.", "answer": "If you live in a place where there are a number of meetings to choose from, try going to 6 different groups to find the one you like the best. Not all meetings are the same. Some have larger crowds, some smaller and more intimate. Usually, a group will reflect the demographics of the neighborhood. Attend a meeting near the university or on campus you\u2019re going to see more young people. It can be helpful to attend a meeting where you encounter people somewhat similar to yourself. Meeting someone like yourself who\u2019s made significant progress can be encouraging.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dwlejp", "comment_id": "f7ksb74"}, {"question": "Took one .5mg klonopin about 5 hours ago, just had a beer and a half. Forgot that took it since I haven\u2019t in awhile. Am I screwed?", "description": "So at about 4 today I took a .5mg klonopin as I was feeling really really anxious. Fast forward five hours later I\u2019m at this 4th of July celebration and had a beer and half, before it hit me I took a klonopin. I\u2019m definitely not going to drink anymore. I\u2019m 5\u201910 about 160 and hold my alcohol normally very well. Given the fact that I stop right now, I should be ok right?? Drank about 4 bottles of water prior if that helps\n\nEdit: I know people do way worse but I have pretty terrible health anxiety (hence the klonopin) which is why I\u2019m asking lol", "answer": "You'll be fine. Klonopin might accentuate intoxication, but if you just have a little bit to drink you might feel it more but won't pass out and stop breathing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8w6jja", "comment_id": "e1t3n4u"}, {"question": "Tolerant Partners/Spouses", "description": "My wife is exceptionally tolerant of my drinking which currently takes up every evening. I'll start about 6 pm and stop when I go to bed around midnight and this has been pretty much the same story for the 20 years of my marriage. She doesn't drink often, maybe 3 glasses of wine a week, but she never questions my drinking and often actually picks me up some beers without me even asking.\n\nI guess I'm finding it hard to see my drinking as a problem when it's so tolerated and condoned by someone I live with. It is a problem, hence why I'm on this sub, but the person closest to me doesn't see that.\n\nAnyone else had this - it's a weird one, I know?", "answer": "Yep. I said some version of \"I think maybe I have a drinking problem\" for years. My spouse repeatedly told me, \"I don't think you're an alcoholic. You can \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (various ways he had seen me moderate)\". It wasn't until I spelled out for him just how difficult it was for me to moderate that he understood.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dmxgxp", "comment_id": "f55p2hn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (20f) afraid to tell my parents what I really want to do after college", "description": "Hi there! \n\nSo I (20f) am going to be a senior in college in the fall, so naturally my family has been really curious as to what I want to do once I graduate. My dad (50m) and I went for ice cream the other day and sort of questioned me about it, and unfortunately he didn\u2019t really seem supportive of my ideas. This has happened before, in which my family has gotten critical of my ideas for my future, but I know it comes from a place of love rather than an effort to control me. \n\nI\u2019m a psychology major leaning towards being a guidance counselor or general counselor. Originally when I declared I wanted to be a psych major, my parents were worried. I\u2019d have to be in school for a long time, it\u2019d be expensive, why would I want to do that? Before that I had wanted to do English or graphic design and they didn\u2019t like those either, always griped I should be a woman in stem. That would be great if I were interested in stem, but like I said, I don\u2019t care if I make a crap ton of money. But my dad really wants that for me (we had money troubles when I was growing up). He was the type who went to college to get a degree in something mildly interesting just so he could make decent money. His dad was a factory worker, they grew up middle class and he just wanted to be a provider for his family. I respect his experience and choices, but that\u2019s not the kind of life I want. \n\nAnyway, I was telling my dad about what I\u2019d need to do for graduate school, how I\u2019d probably take a year off to get experience in research and save money, build my CV and all that. Of course he was concerned and asked if it was necessary, would I stay motivated, etc. I expected this, he\u2019s trying to be supportive and make sure I know what I\u2019m getting myself into. Though when I told him about being a guidance counselor, he grew skeptical. Said I should be a psychiatrist or professor, an author, literally anything else because social workers and guidance counselors don\u2019t make enough money. Yeah, I wouldn\u2019t mind teaching, but I could never do anything medical. Too squeamish. I told him I just wanted to help people, and as long as I did that in some way I\u2019d be happy. I reaffirmed it wasn\u2019t about money as long as my needs were met. Plus, I could marry rich! He laughed at that. \n\nThe real problem, however, is that I want to join the military. Both he and my mom (my mom is supportive of me, but she never went to college and doesn\u2019t really ask about my future which is fine, we just talk about other stuff) insisted when I was younger that I wouldn\u2019t join. It wasn\u2019t really a sexist thing, like \u201coh you\u2019re a woman and therefore you can\u2019t\u201d but more so \u201cwhy would you want that for yourself?\u201d So I dropped it, simply went to college like they expected me to and didn\u2019t really think about it until recently. Quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on what I want to do with my life and I realize that if I continue, knowing myself, I\u2019ll get trapped in a comfort zone and live a boring life like my father. I want to do something meaningful and sort of wild.\n\nMy reasons for wanting to go into the military are more nuanced than that, but I don\u2019t want to get into that in this post. I just know that they won\u2019t be happy, though ultimately I know it\u2019s my life so it\u2019s my choice, but I love my family and I want them to support me. Obviously I have two more semesters, thus I can\u2019t even think about enlisting until this time next year so that gives me plenty of time to explore this decision and work through it, but how do I tell them? I honestly don\u2019 think they\u2019d suspect this from me, as the last time I brought it up was casually a few years ago and I probably don\u2019t seem the type. Anyone have a similar experience? \n\nAs a side note, I\u2019m paying for college by myself. They only took out one small ($3k) loan for me and I have done the rest.", "answer": "As a clinical social worker (now practicing therapist) who was in a similar situation (my father wanted me to focus on money only) I regret nothing. I make decent money living on my own and could make more if I was in private practice it was more important for me to love my job. \n\nI feel for you and ultimately you\u2019ll make your own choice but I wanted to say you can be successful following your passions. I did.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "gpz3w8", "comment_id": "frpv96m"}, {"question": "Anyone else just really like pacing?", "description": "Tends to make others nervous, so I generally try to keep my distance from people when I do do it but when I\u2019m lost in thought I much prefer to pace rather than sit still but others often seem to misjudge this action and think I\u2019m annoyed or anxious when I do this for some reason.", "answer": "I believe what you are doing is self-regulating through movement, which stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. Rocking provides a similar relief, engaging our bodies safety systems.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ewekjc", "comment_id": "fg27o7u"}, {"question": "I physically abused my gf for the 2nd time while drunk", "description": "Just wanted to hear a few opinions on what Ive done. I'm sure you will all be honest.\n\nChristmas eve I got black out drunk and threw my gf about. She says I also bite her! And this isn't the 1st time I've done it I done it around a year ago (also black out drunk, i know it's no excuse!) not as bad but enough for her to leave me. I promised I would get the help the 1st time and she came back but I didn't go through with it and it resulted in it happening again. \n\nI know this is no excuse but I had a pretty bad childhood and got beaten by my dad. I've started councilling since Christmas and have made great progress but I still feel really guilty for what I done to her. It's still eats me up inside and I know it always will!! Obviously I've tried to get her back but she doesn't want to which I completely understand but it doesn't change the fact I love her and want to make everything right. My councillor says I need to be honest because that's what resulted in me letting my anger out when I had no control due to drink (I bottled my childhood up for years and never spoke about it) but when I message her telling her what I feel it feels like I'm being selfish and not letting her move on . I know I should leave her alone but I know we had something really special and it kills me my denial has ruined that. Straight after she said we could work it out and get help together because she's also been abusive to me in the past. She attacked me with a knife, but that's not what this post is about.\n\nIts been 2 month now and i basically don't know what to do anymore and would like some feedback please. Cheers ", "answer": "Research the cycle of violence. You trying to get her back is you honeymooning her to get back with you. It's unfair to her, and is abusive. \n\nHer decision to leave you is her choice that she is allowed to make, and you need to decide if you're going to continue attacking her for that choice by doing what you're doing. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5yd5wy", "comment_id": "dep4c2h"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [19M] and I [19F] have been together for over three years. He's an atheist and I'm Christian, the longer we date the bigger of a problem it becomes. Does anyone know if we can make it work?", "description": "We start dating in high school and I think we both figured it wouldn't go anywhere so religious differences wouldn't be important. But as time went on, we obviously got more serious. We both love a good debate, and religion would get brought up and it always ended with me being very offended. He always wondered how someone \"so smart could believe something so archaic\"\n\nWell we put religion aside, saying we would talk about it when it became an issue. Well now here we are, occasionally imaging our future together, and it's getting really complicated. \n\nIf we stay together, he wants religion to have no part in our wedding, our house, or in our potential children's lives. I've tried to come up with compromises. Maybe we get married by a pastor but not in a church? And maybe there can be an absolute minimal reference to anything religious in the ceremony? And in our home, I wouldn't seek out religious decorations, of course. But what about things I already own, with sentimental value. Like a painting with the lyrics to \"Amazing Grace\" on it that my grandma bought me? Or a little cross from my godparents? He suggested I have a \"religion room\" for these things, where it's only for me and anything religious does not leave the room because he doesn't want it in his house. And if we had kids. I've said I wouldn't make them go to church, they'd be welcome if they wanted. But I'd love them to be baptized. And he says no to that. He says no to any reference to religion. I cannot tell the hypothetical children anything about religion, or God, or Jesus, things that are all so important to me. He says I cannot brainwash the children. I just don't know how you can compromise on exposing a child to a religion but also not, in his words, \"brainwashing\" them. \n\nAnd today, in the conversation that prompted this post, he told me he doesn't, and will never, respect my religion. Am I overreacting for thinking that's a big deal? CN you have a successful relationship if one of the people disrespects a fundamental part of the other's identity?\n\nOur relationship is really great other than this, which is why we avoided the issue so long, and now it just seems massive. I really hope someone out there has some kind of advice. Is there a compromise we might be missing? Some perspective for one or both of us? We both really want it to work out but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can. \n\nAnd please, if you have any negative opinions about my religion, please save your time. I've a lot about what an idiot I am for believing it. How small minded and naive I must be. So please only contribute if it's actual advise about the relationship. \n\nTl;dr boyfriend and I have been together three years and are starting to legitimately talk about our future together. He's and atheist, I'm a Christian, and we've so far been unable to come up ugh compromises for how we live a life together. Any help?", "answer": "it won't work if your respective beliefs are the most important thing in the world to you. anything below 'the most important thing' improves your chances commensurately", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5puirz", "comment_id": "dctyxam"}, {"question": "Is your music taste all over the place?", "description": "I find myself listening to a large variety of music at seemingly random times... I started off listening to that k/da league of legends song, then fireflies by owl City, then the scarecrow by Anastasia, and I can keep going on and on... Techno, more metal, Mexican corridos, pop, rap, Yugioh soundtrack \ud83d\udc40... Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "I actually find an artist I like and will listen to nothing but that artist for months. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a8pau9", "comment_id": "ecco6xr"}, {"question": "Talk me out of hitting the bottle today. Just been thrown another curveball from the Universe.", "description": "I'm in tears. I'm distraught. \n\nMy daughter is 17 weeks pregnant. She lost a baby earlier this year and was broken hearted. \n\nAt today's check up they can't find a heartbeat. She can't lose this baby. She can't go through this again. As her Mum I can't watch her in that pain again. I hate life right now. She's a good, kind hearted girl. She doesn't deserve this pain. \n\nShe's at the hospital waiting for a scan. I'm atheist but I just fell to my knees and prayed. Please if there is a God, show my baby girl some mercy. \n\nIf this baby is gone too I'll drink. I know I will. I can't handle this pain. Need your prayers, support etc more than ever. I can't stop crying. \n\nUPDATE: the baby is fine. He/she was laying funny but because daughter is high risk it all hot scary. Phew! Now I want champagne to celebrate but instead I will have soda. I guess I was triggered to old habits for a second. I will learn from this. Drinking wouldn't have helped one tiny bit. Thank you for putting up with me today. ", "answer": "Wherever you think you can't get to tomorrow, write yourself a message from tomorrow. Really write it from yourself tomorrow. First as yourself that did drink and then as yourself that didn't. Then keep those notes nearby. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5enc1t", "comment_id": "dae48ie"}, {"question": "After being depressed as hell for two years, I am finally trying to improve my life but it's not working. I get more discouraged every day. (long rant enclosed)", "description": "A couple years ago I hurt my back at work, and now after multiple surgeries for herniated discs I can't do any of the jobs I have experience in, so after working shit jobs for 15 years, where I had reached the point where I was making three or four dollars over minimum wage, I now have to start all over again. \n \nI've sent out a ton of applications but there doesn't seem to be any minimum wage, no-experience-required job that doesn't involve heavy lifting. I have absolutely no experience in any type of work where you get to sit down, and I look like a white trash piece of shit and have no personality whatsoever, so there's no chance of getting a job via charisma alone.\n \nI'm receiving 600 dollars a month from Worker's Compensation, but that is set to end early next year. Right now I am renting a room in a disgusting moldy house full of drug addicts because it's all I can afford. I haven't even looked for a job until about a month ago, because I was depressed as hell and feeling sorry for myself all the time. I quit smoking pot (which I would advise *all* depressed persons to do if they smoke it), got back in touch with some friends I had drifted away from, started eating healthier, all that jazz, and these things have helped my frame of mind but I am still very discouraged at my life's situation and it's very hard to have hope for the future.\n \nI don't receive any encouragement or support from anyone in my life. Everyone I interact with seems like they're in a mad hurry to just be rid of me. I've been studying programming while I've been unemployed, and I've actually made decent progress and created a couple things I'm quite proud of, but when I try to show them to friends/family it's like they go out of their way to ignore me. I also make music, and I try to show that to people as well, but it's the same deal. \n \nI know it doesn't matter what other people think, and all that jazz, but it's still very discouraging. I feel like I don't receive the common courtesy that would normally be given to *strangers*, even from my closest friends and family. They *know* my life has been shit the last couple years, and they *must* know *a single kind word* would do wonders for my outlook, but again, it's literally as though they go out of their way to be as indifferent as possible toward me. I was really excited about programming when I first started, and I thought I was pretty good at it, but I can feel the enthusiasm just draining away with each day that passes. I know I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't need encouragement from other people to be inspired, but I can't help it.\n \nI\"m not sure what the point of all this is. I guess I just thought my life would improve once I was less depressed, but I found that it's still the pile of shit that it was, I am the same shitty person, and the only difference is that I *care more now*, which is hardly an improvement, is it? \n \nI just have no one to talk to about any of this, I guess. When I've tried I've only received indifference or \"tough love\", which is horseshit and not helpful at all. If you read all of this, I really appreciate it.", "answer": "First of all, congrats on the progress that *you* have made. Here's what I see:\n\n* you're committed, you worked somewhere for 15 years\n* you quit smoking pot, which *you* realized wasn't helping you\n* you reconnected with people \n* you started taking better care of yourself \n* you're freaking studying, learning something new, and working toward building a new career for yourself \n\nI see you as a very competent and self-motivated person. Don't beat yourself up for wanting encouragement. We humans are social beings, we need some level of positive interaction. \n\nHave you ever thought about volunteering until you find a job? I've found that you typically meet caring and resourceful people through volunteer work. It also might do you good to feel appreciated and recognized for making positive changes in your life and the lives of others. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "28ni0p", "comment_id": "cicm12v"}, {"question": "Dealing with the suicide of a very close family member.", "description": "I\u2019m 20. My little brother was 14. He took his way out a few days ago. The reasons are still unknown. He was the closest person to me. No one else knew me better and vice versa. We grew up together and had the most close brother-to-brother bond. Often he told me how important I was to him and how he looked up to me. No one saw this coming.\n\nHe was always as energetic and cheerful as a human being can be. He never really showed signs of any serious mental illness/struggle.\n\nWe are all still in shock. We are being dragged through Hell and back right now. I don\u2019t even have the words to describe this pain.\n\nI want to know if anyone here has had to deal with the loss of a very close person. What helped you recover? What stages did you go through between shock and recovery? Do you have any advice for me to help me feel better? I need sympathy/empathy.\n\nAlso to the actual therapists, what advice would you give me? I have been ignoring the place and house my brother took his life in. I am even considering moving out of the whole city. Do you think this is good for my recovery or should I go there even if I don\u2019t want to? Will going there help me or do the opposite? It would mean the world to me right now if just even one person would reach out and try to help.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "I'm so sorry. The loss of a sibling to suicide is excruciating. Please see a professional to deal with your grief, especially since your support system is also likely in deep grief.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h0wknm", "comment_id": "ftou126"}, {"question": "How can I get a slightly special needs person to leave me alone?", "description": "Ok, so I just started going to college and one of the people among my little friend group has kind of gotten \\*really\\* attached to me. As in, when I'm walking around in between classes or in the commons area working or relaxing between classes, he will \\*always\\* manage to find me. \n\nI don't mind him too much as he is genuinely a fun guy to talk to sometimes, but \\*God\\*, I just want to write in peace! I want to be able to talk to one of my friends or study without him showing up and talking to me about memes and video games and Magic: The Gathering the entire time! I would love to talk about these sorts of things in the game room or when I'm free, but it feels like he's following me sometimes or that he has a crush on me?\n\nI've tried to just tell him that I'm studying, but he takes that as an invitation to sit down with me and talk to me while I'm working on things. He has mentioned that he's autistic and after talking about him to one of my friends, they said he doesn't many friends. If that wasn't true, I'd just tell him to stop fucking following me, but I don't want to hurt his feelings and possibly have problems with my other friends. Again, he's also genuinely fun to hang out with sometimes, I just want to tell him to leave me alone sometimes without coming off like a bitch?", "answer": "The thing with many people on the ASD spectrum is that they aren't always aware of some of the social \"rules\" that most people take for granted. So if you don't say something, he may never know that there is a problem. Even \"hints\" may not work. DISCLAIMER: I am an internet stranger and I don't know this guy's history, so take with a grain of salt.\n\nI would recommend being honest, direct but fair, and reassuring. You could say to him for example, \"Hey, I'm glad to see you, but I really need to focus on studying right now so I can't talk. We can talk in the game room later today if you want.\"\n\nIf he's redirecting conversations, you could say \"Hey we were just talking about (something else) actually.\"\n\nDepending on how well he knows you - you may want to sit him down at some point and explain that you enjoy his company, but you just don't want to talk about Magic or memes or whatever quite as much as he does, so you would appreciate a break. Maybe designate a certain hangout time to talk games and stuff instead of doing it constantly. HOWEVER you have to be careful if you want to do this as you don't want to hurt his feelings - but, it may be helpful for him if he had someone there for him to teach him about social situations and how far is too far - of course, I don't know his situation so maybe not. He may have had some bad experiences with friends in the past, too.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "euu809", "comment_id": "ffrkz40"}, {"question": "I have Munchhausen Syndrome. Please help.", "description": "I decided to post on here because I can't find much info on Munchhausen's online and I'm at my wits end and I really need to put a stop to this. I am 25 years old. Female. I believe I've had Munchhausen's syndrome since early adolescence and I have never told anyone about it. It's humiliating and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself. It is like a compulsion. I was diagnosed at 4 years old with stage 4 cancer. Considered terminal for some time. I was in active treatment from 4 to 6 years old. I think having a life-threatening illness at such a formative age really messed me up mentally. I love the role of \"patient\". It is comforting and familiar to me. Through my entire childhood I was in and out of hospitals and I enjoyed it. The reasons for me being sick were legitimate. I still have late-effects from my cancer treatment, however I am pretty healthy. Since my teen years I've been exaggerating or completely making up symptoms to get attention from my family and from doctors. I now work in health care and it's only gotten worse. I have taken medications to induce symptoms that otherwise I wouldn't have. I have tampered with tests. If you look up Munchhausen syndrome signs online, I have them all. I don't think anyone knows that I have this problem. I am an expert liar and manipulator. I am able to go long periods of time without acting on my \"compulsions\" and staying out of hospitals, but during these times I'm severely depressed. But sometimes I can't help it. I know it's wrong. I feel intense guilt. I am disgusted with my actions. I have previously attempted suicide because of it. How do I stop my behavior? I don't even know my first step. Can this be treated? Please help - I hate being like this. ", "answer": "Firstly, there's no reason to be upset with yourself. You have a mental disorder. A LOT of people do, and yours is no different. What you're dealing with is just as much in your control as depression or anxiety would be. You didn't ask for it, and it's pretty clear you want to change things. You aren't even doing anything wrong.\n\nReally there's only one solution. Look up your insurance, and find a therapist that's covered. Meet with them, feel if it's a good fit, and starting attending. This is all related to when you were a kid, which a therapist will know EXACTLY how to help you with. Trust me.\n\nI know it feels like a lot right now, but I can promise you what you're dealing with is extremely treatable. All it takes is that first step.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5n27g4", "comment_id": "dc90t7i"}, {"question": "Hoping to get an opinion on the affect of anti-depressants or other medication on an adolescent.", "description": "I am a 16 year old caucasian male, 6'0\" and 105 lbs (I know that's not a healthy BMI), and I have been having serious issues functioning due to psychological issues. Normal teenager stuff, but it makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning because of feelings of anxiety and uselessness.\n\nI need something to help cope with these problems, however I am concerned that anti-depressants might be the wrong choice or would have other effects which could be detrimental to my overall health.\n\nI was hoping that a neurologist or psychologist could give me some insight on this.\n\nAlso going to my parents or a doctor in person is not an option, and I don't feel comfortable explaining why here so please don't make that suggestion.\n\nI realize that this sub Reddit isn't a good alternative but I don't really have another option and at least I can get an informal opinion here so I'm better educated on my choices.\n\nThank you.\n\nOhh and I don't use any drugs for medical or recreational purposes.", "answer": "There's certainly not enough here to make a diagnosis, which would be necessary to figure out treatment. Antidepressants might be the right choice or the wrong choice. They are very widely used and very safe, but they aren't free of side effects. Psychotherapy might be helpful, but it's a big commitment in terms of time and money, and again it depends on more details than really can or should be shared over Reddit.\n\nIf you can't see a doctor it's moot, really, because you also can't get antidepressants or any other medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "89lydf", "comment_id": "dwrwqxt"}, {"question": "I will inevitably be cut off from my family for not having kids, and it's really sapping my motivation", "description": "Background:\n\nI'm very fortunate in many ways. I have my health, a wife who wants the best for me, wealthy parents and even though I got fired from my job a couple months ago, I kind of fell into something else that's more lucrative and I seem to have an aptitude for, even if it's not my dream career or anything. I make good, not great, money and can work from home much of the time.\n\nI realize most of you don't think I have real problems given that, and that's fair. People shouldn't feel sorry for me. But just want to vent.\n\nI've always been afraid of getting out of my comfort zone and I hate uncertainty, which is a major reason I don't want kids. It's also probably held me back in my career, because I want to take the bird in hand. I'd much rather be an employee than a boss, which is the exact opposite of my Type A father and brother, both of whom have kids and radiate confidence. They also make more money than me and will always because they take risks.\n\nMy family cares about nothing more than carrying on the lineage and having many children. I don't like kids and the thought of having to raise and finance one is the scariest thing ever. I'd rather travel with my wife. My wife doesn't want kids either, but if she did I'd oblige, and basically be in white-knuckled panic for 18 years. But that's neither here nor there.\n\nThis is naturally causing a lot of strain with my family, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be cut out of the will and miss out on a seven-figure inheritance. I've tried to kind of have it both ways and kick the can down the road, but my parents (and grandmother) are on to me and accuse me of being a \"taker.\" My siblings will throw me under the bus in a split second too.\n\nIt's not my money and they can do whatever they want, but the thought of me having to grind it out for the next several decades while my siblings get to have easy lives is not pleasant. I manage to keep it together at work, but it's a constant fight to get out of bed and get things done. And after being fired from my last job because I failed still stings. I've been laid off before for reasons that had nothing to do with me and didn't take it personally. This one was personal.\n\nI've been going to therapy, but it just feels like I'm throwing good money after bad. I'm mid-30s, and my dad jokingly asked me if I'd rather be his age (mid-60s) with $10 million in the bank versus my situation. It was obviously the former, and he (and my therapist) thought that was silly.\n\nI'm just kind of stuck. I don't want to kill myself, but I'm not really looking forward to grinding it out and being stressed out for another 40-50 years or so. I have very low confidence in my ability to earn significantly more than I do now (about $100K), and if something unexpected happens like a health situation for me or my wife, we're totally fucked. And walking on eggshells around my parents and kind of waiting for them to die is not a good look. My wife and I are barely being intimate anymore because I have been in a despondent mood, and it's probably only a matter of time until she bails.\n\nI guess my question is, how do I find that inner strength to persevere. I've always been the type of person who folds at the first sign of adversity and I really admire those people who fail at 14 startups before the 15th hits it big. I've already kind of resigned myself to the fact that my parents will resent me and penalize me financially and I'll never retire.\n\nI know it's about the journey, not the destination, but I feel like I'll never be at the destination I want, and the journey will be full of stress. Is there a way to minimize stress and find happiness? Going through the motions just seems pointless.\n\nAnyway, sorry for the long post but wanted to get this off my chest", "answer": "You shouldn\u2019t be forced to have children if you don\u2019t want to. No one should be forced to be a parent. If you\u2019re instincts are telling you not to have kids, listen. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9wuuiv", "comment_id": "e9ngimt"}, {"question": "Baclofen and Subutex", "description": "I'm stuck on subutex and boy do I regret it. I got addicted to Tramadol 12 years ago. i decided I should get off, and the doctor put me on subutex. i regret that so much, but alas, that's where I'm at. I've been on it for 4 years now, afraid to get off from all the stories.\n\nanyway, here's my question. I was prescribed baclofen 20mg for back spasm (sciatic nerve problem) and I am afraid to take it.\n\nif I understand right if you take some druge while on subutex it can throw you into withdrawal. I'm terrified of that, but I desperately need relief from this pain.\n\nis this something to worry about? i'm not even a little worried about getting hooked, i just want to make sure there's no interaction worry", "answer": "Baclofen isnt an opiate, so you're fine.\n\nInteresting thoughts on your journey on Subutex - you may well be right, through it would also be interesting to wonder what your life be like if you weren't on it - either self-detoxed and well, or in a downward spiral towards death.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xm6jy", "comment_id": "d6gvvnm"}, {"question": "A bit about how the government almost got me killed and raped, and why I can't work with my Dad or go back to school. [rant]", "description": "I posted this in response to someone on askreddit, but I felt like posting it here. I have a lot of anxiety issues and I decided to subscribe to this subreddit so I can rant occasionally, and also talk to people who go through similar things. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I've been down on myself since forever because I can't work. I dropped out of school when I was 15. Anyways...\n\nThe last week has been full of flashbacks and shit. Basically the government was responsible for putting me in a situation where I was almost killed and raped and I am very traumatized, and my government paid therapist quit seeing me because she is a shitty therapist and I have nowhere to turn to so I'm almost literally rotting away, at least my teeth are. I have had a sinus infection since november and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get really sick and die soon.\n\nI'm just high functioning autistic. I need help and the government isn't helping me except they pay for my house and that's it. My social worker doesn't even phone me she wouldnt know if I died.\n\nI tried working but the PTSD stopped me because my dad works in a store that has a major trigger. Box cutter/retractable blade reminded me of someone who used to slit his wrists to get a reaction out of us, and 2x4 reminded me of when the same guy would ge tlocked in a theraputic queit room to stop him from attacking us and a 2x4 was jammed in the ahllway to stop the door from busting out. I can't go back to school because someone I met in group therapy for aspergers tried to get me in the bathroom so he could rape me. My occupational therapist ditche dme because I was trying to go to the dentist so my sinus infection and rotting teeth would be fixed before I went to school.\nI can't really afford to pay for a new therapist on my own. All the government paid ones were shit to me.\n\nI'd be able to work with my dad if that wasn't the case, but it is and it's all due to really shitty therapists and health care system! I don't care if I take money from the government or if people think I'm a lazy stoner, because I know myself why I can't work or go back to school.\n\n(I don't actually smoke weed I just like the word stoner.)\n\n", "answer": "While of course it is impossible to tell via reddit, you seem to be a bit manic. Consider going to a hospital.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "y6zvk", "comment_id": "c5tb61k"}, {"question": "I can't have sex with my partner", "description": "I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend for about 1,5 years. I feel like we can truly connect emotionally. In the beginning, we had lots of sex and I truly enjoyed it.\n\nBut for the past year ish, I've been feeling so tense around him and about sex. Suddenly in my mind, he sees me as a sex object. This is not true by any means. But whenever he kisses me or grabs my butt or calls me hot I just feel icky. I feel like he's using my body as a hole where he can get off.\n\nAgain, this isn't actually true when you look at the facts. But sometimes it's like I can't even go on a romantic dinner with him because in my mind he's just waiting to get home and get me undress as a reward for being with me for two hours at a restaurant. \n\nThe only times I can have sex is when I'm drunk or high. And yes, it's normal to want to have sex when you're intoxicated but it's maybe not normal to *only* want it then. These are the only occassions where I don't feel like I'm stuck in my own head with his (assumed by me) expectations.\n\nWhenever I bring this up he feels accused of being an animal. Which is What I sometimes feel he is. Bur then my mind goes into splitting and I despise him even more for just talking back instead of listening and try to work with me.\n\nAdvice?", "answer": "If you have ever been sexually assaulted I would seek a trauma-focused therapist in your area. \n\nIf not, could just be fear of intimacy. Either way you can work it out! Good luck!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6hlx5h", "comment_id": "dizcmnu"}, {"question": "Doctor insisted I get shots non-related to my illness while I\u2019m already suffering from a bacterial infection, logical?", "description": "I have a bacterial infection in my right armpit, not life threatening but painful and gross nonetheless. I went in to get an antibiotic and he kept suggesting to get the Flu/HPV/Other shots that I was eligible for that day. Is that logical of him to suggest since the shots essentially infect me while I am trying to overcome a current one?", "answer": "Yes, it makes sense. Unless you are seriously systemically sick there are few reasons not to get recommended vaccines.\n\nMost shots don't infect you, and the ones that do infect you with attenuated versions that don't make you sick. You can feel sick because of the immune response, but more immune response isn't going to hurt you when you're sick from something else.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ab8yuh", "comment_id": "ecydk4e"}, {"question": "I was a victim of a horrible online cyber bullying attack I want family and friends to have my back.", "description": "Nearly 200 people commented with a majority of the comments with name calling and hate speech. \n\nIdiot \nStupid \nDumbass \nDumbf*** \n\nEverything I see on Facebook reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Instagram reminds me of it.\nEverything I see on Netflix reminds me of it. \nEverything I see on Twitter reminds me of it. \nEverything I watch on YouTube reminds me of it. \n\nI can't keep living like this. \n\nI am back on my anti depressants atleast. \n\nFluoxetine (AM) and Risperidone (PM). \n\nDespite some of the really nasty comments, alot of them were actually reality mild \n\nJust everything reminds of this horrible social media event with Strangers who were mostly American. Our Canadian Gun Laws are very different were not everyone can get a gun without special licensing and training. \n\nI suffer several Mental Health Issues. \n\nIf See Attractive Caucasian Women with guns and Imagine them making fun of me. \n\n\"Oh Yeah, that (spells my name) I'd shoot that r*****. \n\nI'm just a 24/m trying to live my life.", "answer": "I'm not trying to minimize what you're experiencing, and I'm sorry about what happened to you, but, in the grand scheme of things, 200 people is a small group of bored people. It didn't go viral and, honestly, most of those people have probably forgotten about whatever it is you posted. While it certainly sounds like you feel you were personally attacked, do you think you're giving those people your power to allow them to hurt you? You are giving them much more credit than they deserve. Reserve your power for yourself. \n\nUnfortunately, if you do not feel that you are mentally tough enough to endure the incessant drama, criticism, and attacks on social media, or if it is too triggering, perhaps you should take a break. Live your life IRL.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egw8sd", "comment_id": "fcamhr3"}, {"question": "Am I Verbally Abusive?..", "description": "Tl;dr at bottom\n\nMy fiance [22/M] and I [20/F] got in an \"argument\" this morning when I woke up and found out that he accidentally set the thermostat to 61F last night because he didn't turn on the light to check what he was looking at. Just a little background info, we live in Texas and it's still hot outside (roughly 70F - 80F every night) we try to keep the thermostat on 74F because we are college students and don't have much income from our part-time jobs. \n\nLast night he was feeling hot and went to turn down the thermostat and turned it down too low because he didn't turn on the light to check it. I woke up this morning thinking that a cold front had finally come in to relieve us of the aching heat and he told still groggy, still laying in bed, barely awake me that he had turned it down to 61F last night on accident. I said \"WHAT?\" and immediately covered my eyes in frustration with him. \n\nIt has been an ongoing discussion between us that we don't have money and we're penny pinching every paycheck just to afford food and gas. I asked him how he managed to do that and he admitted that he didn't look. This really frustrated me guys. My parents grew up really poor and we would never even allowed to touch the thermostat because even one degree cooler in Texas in the summer heat can add a tremendous amount of money to our bill.\n\nHe didn't know this of course. He said \"How bad can it be?\" Of course. He grew up comfortably without ever having to worry about things like that. And even now, I'm the one who pays the bills. We both work, but the budget is my responsibility because he doesn't know how to 'manage' his finances. \n\nI get really upset with him. I'll admit that maybe I was a little harsh. I said things like \"You were too lazy to turn on the light to look at the thermostat.\" I yelled at him and told him that I feel like from the moment I wake up I am putting out his fires. I'm doing his homework on occasion because he doesn't bother to look ahead. And that he doesn't think about how his actions will affect me. And that I really didn't want my parents to be right about him and our relationship, but he makes it increasingly difficult for me to stand up to them when he makes dumb mistakes like this so frequently.\n\nHe was quiet the whole time looking away from my eyes, not saying anything. And then he just said \"Enough! You're being to harsh. I already apologized. What else do you want from me? You're verbally abusing me!\" I was appalled by this. I admit maybe I was being harsh, but I can't tell you how often stuff like this happens with him and I don't feel like I can even get upset with him without his pride getting hurt and him shutting off from me.\n\nIt's not the first time he accused me of verbally abusing him. I looked it up after he left to work to see if I really was and I was blinded to it. I couldn't really find any good info. I don't feel like I was. I was yelling at him and telling him how I feel and that he's lazy... But I was abused before so maybe that desensitized me? \n\nPlease help. I am so confused if I am in the wrong and verbally abusive. Or if he just doesn't want confrontation and believes it's because I am. Sorry about formatting. I am new to posting on reddit.\n\n\n\n**Tl;dr** : My fiance[22/M] accused me[20/F] of verbally abusing him today because he mistakenly turned the thermostat way too low. I felt like I was just yelling and saying things that people say in arguments like \"you're lazy.\", \"There's a pattern to your mistakes.\" \"It makes me feel like you don't value my hard work in keeping our budget low.\" I don't deny I was yelling at him, but I don't think anything I said was \"putting him in a corner\" or verbally abusive. But I don't know if it is just because I am desensitized to previous experiences I have had with someone abusive.\n\n\n\nEdit 1: He also told me \"at least I told the truth. I could've lied but I didn't.\"\n\nEdit 2: formatting\n\n\nEdit 3: I see now that there are a lot of things I have to work on. I over reacted and behaved in a way that wasn't productive. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice! It really helped open my eyes to his point of view and to the things that I need to improve on!", "answer": "most define verbal abuse as name calling and swearing. but constant yelling is abusive too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74gify", "comment_id": "dny9w10"}, {"question": "Today I finally went to my school's therapist.", "description": "After so many years of self doubting, and my mom telling me it was a waste of time and money, that mental illnesses aren't real and that they're \"just a phase\", today I was able to go and talk to my school's therapist, thanks to a little push from my friends.\n\nI still feel as if I'm dreaming and this is all just my imagination, I never thought I would ever be able to talk to somebody about my issues, and I'm so glad I did.\n\nShe told me to go back next week, and that she wants us to work together in getting me better.\n\nI'm extremely excited! I finally did it!!! This is the first step on my journey to a healthier life!!!", "answer": "Also a therapist, and have been in therapy over the years myself. You can and will get better! You don\u2019t have to suffer. Doing my own therapy and having therapists who were dedicated to helping me is what inspired me to become a therapist and give back in a meaningful way.\n\nI wish you the best of luck! ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "atdqhj", "comment_id": "eh1ave5"}, {"question": "[Help] Pushing myself to work hard and improve", "description": "So ill make this question short. When you aren't very good at something but want to improve, how do you convince your pessimistic self to dedicate time to study, practice, and learn strategies or things you should be doing?\n\n\nThe following is just an example. You don't have to read it.\n\nSorry if this is confusing, ill make a personal example. I have gotten back into playing League of Legends recently, and i wanted to try out ranked mode. After multiple losses and losing my lane (top lane), it became obvious to me that I havent been playing right nor getting the right items. When i realized this, suddenly two options appeared in front of me. \n\nOption 1: spend some of your precious free time to watch videos, go into bot matches and practice until you have improved your gameplay.\n\nOption 2: Quit, lay in bed and wallow in self-pity and think about why i am like this, and why am i not talented like other people. And cry.\n\n\nOption 1 is the obviously the best choice with the best outcome. However, for me, its not that simple. I start leaning toward Option 2 because it is something i am used to, and because i keep convincing myself that taking time learn something will be a waste of time and also takes effort. These two options also appear when looking at exercising and losing weight, and studying for exams.\n\nSo i want to know how a stubborn depressed person is able to push themselves to do option 1?", "answer": "1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. The only person you need to beat is your *past self*... because if you do, you're improving!\n\n2) Take it one step at a time. Make a list of things that could help you improve. Narrow it down to things you can accomplish (easily), then break it down further. Maybe watch one video a day. Maybe spend one game in bots per day. Or set a certain amount of time, like 1 hour per every other day or whatever schedule works for you.\n\nUltimately getting better at league isn't all that important but being able to accomplish a goal for yourself is. But reframe the goal a bit - it's not about hitting Gold or Plat or Diamond or whatever... it's about putting in that practice work every single day.\n\nCheck out r/thexeffect. It's a tool to help build good habits and stay on track to reach your goals. If you want to change, you can't expect a huge turnaround in one day - you have to build up a habit over time, so you don't get overwhelmed and eventually it'll be easy because you always do it.", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "77e54t", "comment_id": "dolmpvi"}, {"question": "I just did a very bad thing to a very bad person, was it so wrong?", "description": "She got what she deserved, and at that, she got off lucky. It wasn't subjective. It was sick what she did. She was manipulative, socipathic, and amongst her zero remorse she faked suicide attempts, ruined possessions, friendships, etc.\n\nI didn't do this for retribution. It was my moral obligation. I won't go into specifics, because you don't want to know. Simply put: I hurt the sociopath, bad, and I gave her a taste of her own medicine. I enjoyed it, too. Maybe too much. Sometimes I lost focus of how I was simply trying to mitigate the future harm she would cause and I just started to indulge upon the joy of squeezing her windpipe closed (metaphorically).\n\nNot asking for forgiveness. But I felt compelled and it feels justified. It's only worrisome that I enjoyed it. Somehow I wonder if I am any better than her.", "answer": "Maybe it\u2019s just balance. I kinda lived vicariously through your story a little. I\u2019m always the nice, pushover, and this year I let someone have it. Really laid in to them and made them feel small. At the time it felt great, freeing. It ended up getting me in trouble in a way that I would\u2019ve seen coming, if not blinded by vengeance. I paid my dues and it\u2019s over now, but in hindsight it wasn\u2019t worth it. Which is a shame, because she suckkkkkked. And I truly don\u2019t usually feel that way about people. Sounds like you don\u2019t either. Just know the world needs people who knock others off their pegs when they need it. They may (hopefully) be a better person because of it and it be a catalyst for change \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffd\u200d\u2640\ufe0f", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aiw9hj", "comment_id": "eeqzwf6"}, {"question": "I find it hard to emotionally comfort people who aren't sexual partners?", "description": "I can easily comfort an upset partner. I can hug them hold their hand and tell them that things are going to be ok. But I find that I can't comfort people I have normal friendships with yet it seems normal people are able to do that. I feel icky if I as so much put my hand on their back. It sucks because I really want to learn how to comfort people but it just makes me feel sick. Is it do with the lack of empathy thing?", "answer": "You may have some ptsd-like reaction to crossing boundaries with people? I fear being or acting out in front of someone I'm not as comfortable with. Or like, will be careful not to cross boundaries because I so easily can", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "c88l56", "comment_id": "esl39vd"}, {"question": "(NEED ADVICE) ADHD - lack of focus/motivation & depressed. Tried WB/Concerta/Ritalin", "description": "Hello,\n\nI always had big problems focussing or remembering things in school/university. I guess the only reason I was able to pass them was being smart and making up for it. But as long as I can remember I have a super hard time focussing even only for 15minutes. \n\nGet easily distracted, sidetracked. Impulsive, hard to motivate, to get going and stay in one task. Its impossible. Im 32 now. Back then nobody ever thought of getting me diagnosed. \n\nWell so far I've been diagnosed now with ADHD - still not finding the right help tho. \n\nI tried Wellbutrin (helped a bit with motivation & focus but only a bit)\nRitalin (helped a bit but made me feel weird and addicted and always gave me headaches / crashes)\nConcerta (also headaches and had less effect then the Ritalin 10mg RX) \n\nI feel a bit lost. I would like to try Adderall, because I see it seems to be the best choice for more people, but in my country it isnt available. \n\nMy doc says we can still try Strattera, but I see very bad reviews (5.2/10) average on drugs.com. So what Im asking here I guess is, if anyone has same experiences and could maybe point me into the right direction or give me a tip whast to do/try.\n\nThank you\n\n\nEDIT: WORST PART - im always SUPER lethargic and tired. Never full of energy. NEVER. I dont know when last time I woke up and thought \"yeah im full of energy\". Like literally not in 20years. ", "answer": "Hey! I just got diagnosed last week (I'm 28). I wanted to start on Concerta, but my insurance said they don't cover stimulants for anyone over age 17, so I started on Strattera.\n\nI just wanted to offer that I'm doing alright on it after a week. There are some side effects, and I'm patiently waiting it out. If you're out of options, it might be the way to go if your doctor recommends it. Be aware, though, that it has showed an increased risk of depression in adolescents. This doesn't necessarily mean it will make that worse for you, but it's something to be aware of.\n\nRead through the experiences of others on this subreddit to see if you think it might be worth a shot. It sounds like, though, that you'd be willing to try anything at this point, so don't be too discouraged about the 5.2/10 rating on drugs.com. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7x8ue5", "comment_id": "du6r64v"}, {"question": "Allen Carr", "description": "I'm wondering how many SD people have read the book Allen Carr's book \"The Easy Way to Stop Drinking.\" I'm looking for a book to help motivate me and I'm wondering if this is a good one. ", "answer": "It's decent and has been mentioned here quite a bit. It has some great points, like fully appreciating what alcohol does for you will actually help you stay clean and that there are ways to avoid willpower battles. It's not add great as advertised though so you'll need to augment. It's still a good read and IMO more important than any 12-step book. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "42pl9t", "comment_id": "czc68wp"}, {"question": "My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago", "description": "So my boyfriend (20/m) cheated on me (21/f) around December of 2015. Now him and I met online and met up a couple times that year, 2015. I live in Oregon and he lived in arizona. We finally decide that we should live together and so he was set to come move in with me and start our lives. I'd say a week before he came he told that he had cheated on me. And I was in complete shock because I never thought he would do this to me. I told him to still come out and we can figure things out. But in my heart I was so broken and I told him everything I felt and we've talked many of times on this subject but the end of 2016 till now I haven't touched on that subject. But due to my parents going through some issues I've been thinking about him cheating on me and why he did it. I also want to know exactly how it went, I even want to see the girl he slept with. But don't get me wrong , I love this man he's helped me fight my demons but this particular issue is something that I can't make it go away. I know that I need closure and I think having him tell him all of this would help me. But I'm scared that it will just hurt me. I simply don't know how to approach this question. Do I just be blunt or build it up and then ask a question. Or what?! Is it even worth me asking? I'm so stump in my own thoughts and I just want an opinion from someone who understands me. ", "answer": "It's not gonna go away to hear all the details or to see her photo or her social media account or whatever. \n\nIt will begin to fade if you are willing to recognize that he cheated because of him. Whatever dynamics and signals he was responding to in your relationship or in the world, he had options, and he chose a terrible one. Doesn't mean he's worthless or that you can't have a relationship with him, but that's what he did. \n\nIf he's changed the kinds of choices he's making, then he's changed. If he hasn't, knowing that she was lovely or ugly or just some mundane human being lady is not going to change that; and hearing the details and searing them further into your head is only going to give you further grounds for disgust. \n\nClosure is a mirage. You can walk away from loose ends and nagging questions and be happy. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fzb2i", "comment_id": "dim821d"}, {"question": "I want to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do.", "description": "I live alone in the UK. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has got to the point I can barely leave my bed. I'm lonely and can't even begin to think about getting therapy, and don't have the money for private services.\n\nI feel it's time to go to a mental health hospital, but I don't know what to do. Do I call an ambulance?", "answer": "Do you know which mental health hospital you would like to go to? If so, do they have transportation/ know of transportation? Do you have a hotline in the UK where you can call just to talk to someone? I know this is a lot of questions but, depending on how it works in the UK perhaps your insurance will cover some therapy sessions? Hang in there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2sbbz8", "comment_id": "cnnx4qe"}, {"question": "So someone pissed all over my laptop", "description": "Hi RA\n\n Early this morning I come back home from my friend's dorm. I went to go check my laptop for Facebook and whatnot. I notice that the green light isn't on on the charger which is plugged in. I open the laptop and liquid starts pouring out from it. A lot of it. I run and grab a towel and start to mop it up. It's a fowl smelling liquid. Long story short, I determined that someone opened my laptop, urinated inside of it, and then closed it because the top of the laptop wasn't wet at all.\n\nMy roommates all deny it and they say that the people they had over Friday night (I was gone most of that night as well) didn't do it. I hadn't used my laptop since Thursday so I don't know when this happened. The last thing I did with my laptop of put it on my desk and plug it in. \n\nNow after talking with with my roommates some more I have this information: \n\nRoommate #1: very, defensive about it. \n\"I'm sorry this happened, but no one here did it! So stop bringing it up\" Insinuating that I did it. He is short, though, and I don't think he'd be able to pee on my desk and laptop with out standing on a chair. Which he would have fallen off. Also he isn't one to get super wasted so I don't think it was him. \n\nRoommate #2: tried cocaine Saturday night. Got very drunk the night on Friday. Got defensive as well. Asked if I was sure I didn't do it. (I'm sure I didn't. I came back on Friday slightly drunk, went to the actual bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then went to sleep. On Saturday, I was completely sober). \n\nRoommate #3: seemed genuinely surprised. I don't think it was him. \n\nFriend #1: Was over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. \n\nFriend #2: Over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. Does \"crazy things\" when he is drunk according to another friend. \n\nHow do I go about confronting them? I've talked to my roommates, but not the friends that were over. Im currently drying it in a sealed bag with rice, but i have no idea if it'll turn on again. Any experience with similar situations?\n\nThanks in advance RA\n\n", "answer": "Do you live in a dorm? If so, report them to your RA. That is unacceptable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "16yaay", "comment_id": "c80qif3"}, {"question": "Why don't girls ever do this?", "description": "I saw [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fti75/did_i_make_a_huge_mistake/) this morning, and it got me thinking that you often see guys in these long relationships where they suddenly seem to realize that they'll never love the person they're with, but you rarely see women posting saying they've dated someone for three years, and just don't see a future with them. Is it a gender difference? I feel as though I know (I am female) pretty quickly whether or not I would be interested in a person and if I'm not or it seems like I never will, I don't go further with it. I just don't really understand how you someone ends up being with someone for years and years and then realizes they'll never actually love them.\n\n**Edit**: I would also add that I feel as though it is men who often feel as though women are not \"bringing enough intellectually to the table.\" This is another aspect of things that I think is pretty quickly discernible, and it's strange that several months or years down the line, you suddenly realize that it's a thing. \n\n**Edit 2**: This is also mostly based on posts in this and other relationshippy subreddits, where I feel as though I see these things played out. Someone ought to conduct a study where they characterize the nature of posts by men and women in a particular subreddit over a year or something. We might be able to learn something.", "answer": "I may be able to offer some insight here. I'm a (male) licensed therapist.\n\nI think guys are more likely to make the mistake of thinking that love is JUST an emotion that we don't have any control over. It's either there or it isn't.\n\nWomen seem to be more likely to understand that love is more than just an emotion and we can actively change how we feel about another person with some work. Unfortunately, the mistake they usually make is believing that the work should come from the male in the relationship. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ftq7u", "comment_id": "c1ikc2b"}, {"question": "Trying to find a therapist in my community.", "description": "I have not been in therapy for a long time but am in a serious depression right now. I have a list of names from my insurance but no idea which of them is any good or who would be a good match. How do I go about finding a decent match?", "answer": "Psych Today is a good start, but if at all possible, ask around. If you know a therapist or have a connection to a therapist in your personal life, getting a personal recommendation from them may save you a lot of time + money in trying to find someone that\u2019s a good fit. As a therapist, I find referrals for friends and family members all the time - I think it\u2019s one of the most important things I\u2019m able to do.\n\nI hope you\u2019re able to find someone that\u2019s a good fit for you! ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "b5j1qj", "comment_id": "ejf8c39"}, {"question": "Memory problems?", "description": "Good afternoon. \nI'm 18 years old, and i'm being worried about my memory problems.\nI can't remember what I did yesterday or days before, unless I concentrate really hard and think about it. Like, yesterday I went to dentist and I forgot that completely, before my gf actually reminded me about that. \nWhat can I do?", "answer": "There's nothing wrong here. You have no cognitive deficits (you actually recall things you\"forget\" with concentration). You're just being absent minded.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51z281", "comment_id": "d7gqrt8"}, {"question": "Wife hates my parents ever since our son was born. Their first (and probably only) grandchild.", "description": "Am I just taking this the wrong way? Ever since our child was born 6 months ago my wife has been pushing my parents away. It is their first grandchild my wife's second child ( she has a teenage son) and my first. She constantly holds the fact that she raised a child already over my head when I do things differently from her, she also uses her age to her advantage too (she's 10 years older than me 29, 39). She doesn't like my parents visiting because they overstay their welcome and take too many pictures of our son. Currently they visit twice a month if they're lucky and they can't even ask for pictures without her getting weird and it starting a fight. I know my parents are just loving and they help us and her mom any time we need it. She thinks they are overbearing and smothering. I can't defend them without it starting a fight and now I can't even send them pictures of their grandson either because I would have to do it behind her back and ask them not to post it on social media because it would make her mad to know I sent them pictures. I don't know what to do, my parents weren't perfect but they are good people that help anyone with anything on the drop of a hat and I feel terrible that they can't see their grandson more than twice a month. And I can't defend them, because she just thinks they want to be parents to our son and not grandparents, and that they would try to take our son away from her if we got divorced. ", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t want you sending pictures to them? That\u2019s 90% of the fun of parenting. \n\nWhat the hell is going on, man?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7483qb", "comment_id": "dnw6nww"}, {"question": "Working the steps", "description": "I am 30 days in. I have read about people \u2018working\u2019 the steps and now I feel I am ready to get started, but what does that mean? Does the Big Book indicate how to do that - anyone got page numbers?", "answer": "Get yourself a sponsor who has worked the steps themself. Great decision to do the steps. They ARE the program of recovery! Best of luck!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bsbxv7", "comment_id": "eompt68"}, {"question": "Severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* Age: 18\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5\u20194\u201d\n* Weight: 130 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?)\n* Location (Geographic and on body): TX. Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues\n * Celiac disease\n * Not recently glutened\n * ADHD\n * Autism Spectrum Disorder\n * Depression\n * Decently well controlled. I had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but I am doing well now.\n * Anxiety\n * Vitamin D deficiency\n * Osteopoikilosis\n * obsessive tendencies\n* Current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)\n * Xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)\n * Focalin XR 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)\n * Abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. For autism irritability)\n * Zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)\n * Catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. Used for sleep)\n\nOkay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:\n\nI've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. It started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where I cannot get anything done in school (and I desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so I can graduate!). Any time I try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. I can't break through it. I can only complete assignments when I'm in the right mood which happens almost never. I can't think, I can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and I can't do anything I need to do. The only times I don't feel like this is when I get obsessed about something, or I'm at work. One day I may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the GEDCOM file for my family tree, the next I might be obsessed with studying for the PTCE (I'm a pharmacy technician). I can function at work.\n\nIn addition to this, when I'm on my period, I get *really* depressed. Like how bad it was Freshman year. When I'm not on my period, I'm happy.\n\nDo I need to change ADHD meds? Or is something else wrong? I am desperate to find out what to do.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEdit: Added dosages and sig", "answer": "I\u2019m a psychiatrist. Several of your meds can cause sedation or counteract the others\u2019 effectiveness.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "emjc92u"}, {"question": "What is something you do to make your face feel clean again, apart from picking ?", "description": "I go home at the end of the day and feel my face heavy with all my imperfections. What is a routine that helps you feel like you're all good ?", "answer": "Wash with something gentle. I use cerave foaming face wash. And then apply a face mask! You can't pick with a mask on and my skin feels clean and happy afterwards. I'd recommend heading on over to r/skincareaddiction if you want to start building up your own healthy routine. ", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "5cdsyw", "comment_id": "d9w8xp7"}, {"question": "Help with compulsions", "description": "I guess I have OCD, but it hasn't been diagnosed. Right now, I compulsively bite the shit out of my fingers, I have a great deal of trouble with any kind of confrontation (I recently got into a mild spot of trouble because after a car accident I immediately said I was responsible), and a few smaller things. I also suffer from paranoia and wild mood swings. For some reason I'm terrified of seeking help. I think about it and generally dismiss the notion. I came here to see how I might go about getting help because I've faked general normalcy for a long, long time since my first big suicide attempt, but an old compulsion I thought I was rid of has returned: cutting. I try my best to hide them, but I have scars from the past, and right now my left hand is covered in bandaid and a makeshift bandage for a larger cut. I don't know if I can hide it at work tomorrow. How can I overcome myself to seek help? \n \nThis is a throwaway I used to ask one question once. I just felt the need to elaborate for some reason. ", "answer": "A small thing you can try is wrapping your fingers with Band-Aids. The hope is that when you go to bite your fingers, there will be a Band-Aid in the way and you won't do it, unfortunately they are obviously noticeable. As for the others things going on in your life, I am not comfortable giving advice without knowing you more. Therefore, you should seek treatment and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist would be most effective for the compulsions but for the other things in your past you may need a different therapist. You need to think about why you dismiss the notion of going. Think past the dismissing to what the deeper issue is. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scf0a", "comment_id": "cnop85i"}, {"question": "Do psyhchiatrists usually diagnose patients within the hour of being seen for an intake appointment? I think I was wrongly diagnosed. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features not too long ago but I have yet to have a depressive episode.", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: F \nHeight: 5'1\nWeight: 87lbs\nRace: Asian\nDuration of complaint: a while\nLocation (Geographic and on body):\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): adhd, anxiety, sometimes blood pressure fluctuations, Raynaud's syndrome.\nCurrent medications (if any): xanax .25mg as needed, chlorthalidone 12.5mg\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\n\nHi, it's me again. The girl who said she didn't sleep for 30+ days. After, a couple of weeks after that post, I think I started sleeping at least 2-3 hours a day which is definitely better than how I was before that. I just feel like I'm all over the place. I feel like a bad person and people online call me a manipulator and abusive person. Their were a couple times this week that I have driven to a bridge but was unsuccessful finding parking to walk there and contemplate suicide. I even wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family. People think I'm doing all of this for attention online but I'm serious. I think I was either wrongly diagnosed or have both bipolar and bpd. I'm very impulsive as a person. I don't think I've had a depressive episode after the 30+ days of no sleep. \n\nI don't know if that has to do with my ADHD. I just also feel like it would be better for everyone around me as well as people I've talked to online that I leave this world. I think it would do everyone a favor. I think the reason why the last pshchiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder was because I had a time in the past where I would have a episodes of no motivation during school semesters or the summer. I have flunked so many times because of no motivation and just doubting myself as well as losing jobs due to not wanting to get out of bed or not wanting to go to work. Anxiety has also played a role. \n\nDuring the 30 days of no sleep, I went to the hospital multiple times because of the bad anxiety and sleeping issue. I think the spending issue could possibly be related to both bpd and bipolar disorder because I have not spend so much money like actually maxing out my credits cards all the time. Only time I did this was last month as well as the beginning of this month and last year during my birthday maybe. During last year, I made a post about being potentially schizphrenic because I was extremely terrified of my house and saw ghosts as well as heard things here and there. This year and last year I would hear my name being called at work or home but nobody would say it or nobody was there. I got kicked out of a university last year because my GPA was so bad for 3 semester's. \n\nI would self harm in the my car in the parking lot. I also do that sometimes out of anger, punishment, and sometimes to feel pain for no reason. I also have been on and off with being very hypersexual. I have never had sex before but I've been really frustrated lately. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Anyway, I'm babbling and am sorry about that. I probably missed a couple things. I would rather thing having borderline personality disorder to be surprising because I don't think I've ever been abused. Also, I forgot to mention during the time of not sleeping for 30+ days and other symptoms I was very irritable and snapped a couple times by breaking some of the items I really cherished. I drive when I'm really upset and sometimes recklessly or I'm like numb or zoned out. That happened yesterday. Almost got into a couple accidents the day I really thought I should end it. \n\nI also forgot to mention that during the 30+ days of no sleep I was hearing and seeing things here and there but nothing like last year. That was the worst time of my life. I would beg my parents to come home because I was so afraid of being home alone and getting attacked by something or someone. I'm not going to lie, I think drugs are poison but at the same time I want someone to help me. I'm just afraid. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. People online that I've talked to think I'm crazy because I overreacted about someone acting like me on my discord account and I thought I was genuinely being hacked and freaking out over it via text. So they banned me. I have really bad anger outbursts but it's usually when im provoked or when I feel like I'm being attacked most of the time or made fun of. I don't think I've been in a depressive episode after the 30 days of no sleep. \n\nAnyway, I'm sorry I'm all over the place. Maybe I'm just an attention seeker. It's what people online tell me but all I want is for someone to help me and card about me. I'm seeing a neurologist another psychiatrist and another appointment at a hospital I think with a therapist in a couple weeks. I just want someones professional opinion on all of this. Am I a toxic person? I'm just frustrated with my entire life and just everything going on. I don't know what to do. I'm trying weed for the first time this week. I went to great lengths to get it because I think maybe it'll fix me.", "answer": "I\u2019d like to emphasize what u/psychick said but add that you should not use marijuana. If you have had any psychotic symptoms then marijuana is a high-risk drug to use. Please don\u2019t. It will not help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cw7v6r", "comment_id": "ey8z5ic"}, {"question": "Ex (22/F) wants me (24/M) to delete all our photos off social media. Is this fair?", "description": "On one hand it's her image, and I feel I should respect that. At the same time I personally don't delete all evidence of relationships because I can see the positives even in a break up. I very much enjoyed the relationship before it became unhealthy. I do delete photos of intimacy (e.g kissing), but just general photos I prefer not to. I'm unsure how to proceed because I've never been asked before. Honestly it doesn't impact her life anymore as we are separated. She doesn't have to look at my account. Am I being unfair? ", "answer": "you're entitled to your space and privacy; unless there are sexual pictures with ex-es", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61akq7", "comment_id": "dfd6a4c"}, {"question": "So, just to be clear: As a 25 year old uninsured American in poverty, there's no way for me to talk to a qualified therapist on a regular basis. Is that correct?", "description": "Just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything.", "answer": "If you live near a university check out their psychology/counseling MA programs. Usually there is a practicum component when the students will see clients under supervision. These sessions are usually free or low cost. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7gl6if", "comment_id": "dqkwoy0"}, {"question": "My (32F) husband (34M) has trouble reaching climax due to the antidepressant cocktail he\u2019s on. What can I do to help aside from him changing medications?", "description": "First off, my husband needs all of these medications. If he comes off of them, he loses touch with reality and things get really bad, even dangerous (towards himself). \nOur sex life is suffering because of this. He is amazing and always makes sure I\u2019m more than taken care of, but he simply does not get off and more often than not, he ends up in pain.\nRealistically speaking, I know this isn\u2019t my fault, but it really affects my self esteem to the point where I dread and even avoid sex. It\u2019a extremely important to me that he gets off and every time he doesn\u2019t, I feel myself shutting down a little more. This is made worse by the fact that we are trying to have a baby....\n\nI love this man with all of my heart and can\u2019t see myself with anyone else. How can I help him reach climax? He doesn\u2019t have issues with getting an erection, just the end part. \nAny advice, links and books are welcomed. \n\nThank you. \n\nTL;DR my husband cannot reach climax due to medication and I want to know what I can do in order to help him.", "answer": "I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. They are trained to help couples manage things like this. It sounds like there is a conflict between \"is it the drugs that is keeping him from climaxing or is it me?\" SOMEWHERE in there.\n\nAlso, something to keep in mind...... hyper-focusing on climax and potentially shunning other parts of sex or looking at them simply as a way to reach climax will not do you any favors in this situation. \n\nAlso, seconding the idea of talking with the doctor to see about the side effects of the medication and what could possibly be done.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ety9jm", "comment_id": "ffjf3os"}, {"question": "I need some help on what I should do now.", "description": "I'm (20/M) and I like this girl (21/F) a lot. Basically, I've known her since my first year in college and we only got closer as friends last year, However, we've gotten VERY close. She considers me her best guy friend by a mile.\n\nShe's intelligent, beautiful and has a dynamic personality. I really can't stop thinking about her each and every day, and I would consider myself humbled to be with a girl like her. I always find myself blushing and trying not to smile when I'm around her, and I sound like an idiot sometimes because the words don't come out right, and I consider myself as articulate as they come. She's had relationship issues in the past, and her trust in guys has been wavering because of her experience, but she seems to be genuinely comfortable and happy when I'm around her, and I feel the same, perhaps to a greater extent. I haven't been in a relationship or so much as kissed someone lol.\n\nMy problem is that I want to tell her my true feelings about her (and I'd be completely okay if we remained close friends), but I don't want to run the risk of making things awkward between us if she doesn't feel the same way. She is truly my best friend, and if things were to change for the worse by doing so, then the only person I know who feels comfortable with me in her room, texts me consistently and can talk about anything could change, and I want to avoid that scenario by all means.\n\nShe hasn't told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and a part of me would like to think she secretly feels the same way about me, but she's hard to read sometimes. So I ask what my best move should be? We are clearly comfortable with each other, and I don't want to run the risk of losing her to someone else if she was waiting for me to make a move. I also don't want to ruin the current relationship I have now. Thanks for any advice you can give!", "answer": "i would tell her how you feel and hope you're both mature enough to remain best friends if she doesn't feel the same way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64al4d", "comment_id": "dg0mw5o"}, {"question": "I need to find my GF a professional to talk to about her dad's death", "description": "It's been a long journey but I have decided she needs to talk with a professional. I'm not always in town for my GF when she's sad. She needs someone she can go and see on hour's notice to talk in person. Who should I be searching for on Google? As in, what is the job called? Thanks so much", "answer": "Schedule an intake with a therapist. Depending on her insurance, there are a ton of different services out there to help her out.\n\nBut the first thing that needs to happen is a discussion with her about services. Make sure professional help is something she wants.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3zbdpn", "comment_id": "cykuu2j"}, {"question": "Should I force my girlfriend to move to my country for my dream job?", "description": "I am living with my girlfriend in a European country where I do not speak the language and I am currently unemployed. I've been looking for jobs here but not had too much luck yet. I am 30 but pretty much in the beginning of my career. Got out of college pretty late and had two shorter jobs. Now I have an offer for a great job that fits my career goals (as a R&D engineer). The only problem is that the job is in a city in my own country (about one hour flight from our current city). \n\nMy girlfriend, 25, recently graduated and basically has her dream job here (although only on a short contract for now). She has said that she might consider moving for me, since I did that for her before, but I don't know if its a good idea. Neither of us really know anyone in this other city. She speaks the language in my country and could probably find a relevant job but maybe not as good as the one she has now. \n\nWe both have contacts in a third city in my home country and I could possibly get a relevant job there. I think we would be happier living either where we are now or in this third city. BUT .. I'm not sure if this chance will come again easily. Maybe this is my one big career shot since I am 30 now and I don't have too much experience in my field yet. Should I take the job or what should I do?? Would really appreciate your advice!! ", "answer": "You guys need to talk about your goals and relationship. If she is willing to move and is perfectly fine with the idea that is great. If she doesn't want to move and you really do then you need to talk about your relationship and whether it can continue on or not. If you absolutely cannot live without this girl and she doesn't want to move then you need to decide if your potentially dream job is worth losing this relationship. There is always the option that you move and she doesn't until a later date or something but please know this is very difficult and will most likely not work out. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48o2w7", "comment_id": "d0l4lrb"}, {"question": "Is 150mg of sertraline a lot?", "description": "I've been taking 100mg daily and my psychiatrist just told me to increase my dosage to 150mg. Can it cause any side effects? I haven't had any serious side effects for 100mg except the weight gain but it might not be because of that bc my appetite hasn't changed at all and for some weird reason i've been gaining weight. So is 150mg a lot??", "answer": "No, that's still within normal dose range. It can have side effects\u2014any medication or change can potentially have side effects\u2014but usually if you tolerate a lower dose well an increase doesn't cause sudden new problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eza4ki", "comment_id": "fglyubk"}, {"question": "Will taking the prescribed dose of Adderall make me addicted / dependant?", "description": " I got diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor. I have my doubts about having ADHD at all, and am scared that I would get addicted to Adderall. She prescribed the 10mg dose. If I take the prescribed amount the doc gave, Will I get dependent/ addicted on Adderall?\n\nIf this is not the right place to ask this, please delete.\n\n \n\n* Age: 19\n* Sex: M\n* Height: 5'7\n* Weight: 115\n* Race: White \n* Duration of complaint: Got diagnosed around a week ago from today. \n* Location (Geographic and on body): mental \n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any): Adderall ", "answer": "No one here can assess whether you do or don't have ADHD. Appropriate use of Adderall at prescribed doses does not produce addiction, and probably doesn't produce dependence\u2014people taking stimulants often have \"drug holidays\" where they don't take any on weekends or other times when they do not need to be able to sustain concentration.\n\nTreatment of ADHD has been shown to reduce rates of substance abuse overall.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "agb3ij", "comment_id": "ee4yqph"}, {"question": "Is anybody else also only able to fall asleep by fantasizing about a hypothetical romance?", "description": "Everyone thinks of something to fall asleep and as long as I can remember I have only been able to fall asleep to the thought of having someone love me. I will fantasize about a hypothetical romance and each day I\u2019ll make a story up about someone else. I can\u2019t thing of anything else while trying to sleep and it makes me feel so weird that I have to do this.", "answer": "No not really. But i usually masturbate to fall asleep", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "gqwlsi", "comment_id": "frwf5iz"}, {"question": "Please just listen, I am so tired", "description": "I am so so so tired. I have a paper due tomorrow and everything that has been holding back my thoughts, my feelings, my anxieties just crumbled under increased stress. The only way I've made it so long tonight is because my girlfriend won't leave me by myself, and I'm scared of when she does. I just feel like I've been fighting this for so long, I'm just hanging over this pit and I can't move away. I can't due this paper and I don't care about it either. I've stopped caring about everything and I can't reel myself in. If I wasn't so afraid of the overdose I would have done this a long time ago, but the fear is less than the desire to finish giving up, all at once, as soon as possible. \n\nI am so sad, and I have no reason to be. I have a wonderful life. My depression is like a disease eating away at me, and I'm afraid I will live like this forever. I am *scared*", "answer": "If you don't feel safe being alone, please don't let yourself be alone tonight. Go to a hospital as a last resort if need be.\n\nDepression is a disease, and it's not weakness to need help overcoming it. Please see a doctor for help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "196ell", "comment_id": "c8l7v5j"}, {"question": "New guy here, and I'm begging for some real advice. I've ruined my marriage, and I don't know how to make up for 5 years of damage. Please read on for a lengthy story...", "description": "So, as a heads up, this will be a bit lengthy. I'll give a TL;DR disclaimer at the bottom. But my story requires some background information. \n \nI've been married to my wife since December 23, 2005. We got together in July of 2005. We've been best friends since 1995. And I mean as close as friends could possibly get. There's always been a level of comfort between us that I never knew existed, and a connection that was unexplainable. \n \nSince a month or two after we got together, we decided to have another child. But it never happened. There was something wrong with one of us, but we were both too scared to find out. As a relevant side story, she had a child when she was 17. The father was(is) a real scumbag, and was in and out of jail throughout the pregnancy and throughout my daughter's life. I have been the only father figure in Chastity's(my daughter) life, which I stepped up to the day I found out my wife was pregnant. Now I digress. \n \nOur relationship was great, all the way up to 3 months into the marriage. Then I started playing this online game(Space Cowboy for those wondering.). I neglected giving my wife any attention, and would barely ever speak to her. I didn't catch on to the cries for attention, or the fact that there was something wrong. So she had an affair. We decided to work through it. She was truly sorry and embarrassed, and I was truly willing to forgive her. While it was completely un-acceptable what she did, I knew the reasoning, and felt I would've done the same thing. \n \nThing is, I never forgave her. I constantly brought it up. I became consumed with distrust and jealousy. I tried to control her actions; where she went, who she talked to. And the worst part: I called her a \"whore\" EVERY SINGLE TIME WE FOUGHT. We went three years like this. We'd have some great times, but we were both unhappy. I had turned into a monster. \n \nShe tried talking to me many many times, and tell me there was a problem. We both started shutting down. Gone was the affection, the passion, the true love, the making love. She was more and more lonely, as was I. We missed each other so much, but were too far apart to do anything. I think we were even blind to how sever it was. She started talking to someone else in the beginning of this year, and I started talking to an old \"friend\" of mine. She found out, and assumed I had cheated on her, which honestly, I didn't. Though, that was my intention at the time. \n \nSo she had another affair. Again, we decided we were too close, too strong to let this tear us apart. We just wanted to be us again. But my hatred and resentment grew further for her. Calling her a \"whore\" was a daily thing. She was totally shut down. But still, she stood by my side, hoping things would change. Why? \n \nSo now we're here. About 2 weeks ago, she'd had enough. She wanted a divorce. I never realized how horrible I was up until this day. But all my promises were no good anymore. I spent the last 2 weeks bawling like a child at the mistakes I've made, begging her to stay. The papers are still in the night stand. She told me she's not in love with who I am today, and she misses the real me. She can't live like this. I'm proud of her. She shouldn't live like this. But I've done some soul searching, and I've truly forgiven her for the past. I did it for MYSELF. I just couldn't hold on to those demons anymore. I'm not that controlling, jealous monster anymore. But the love is gone out of our marriage. I know she wants to fix this, she's admitted she just wants ME back. But how do I fix this? How do I show her? \n \nI feel so distant from her, and I'm scared to do/say many things. I miss holding my wife's hand. I miss putting my arm around her during movies. And most of all, I miss those 5 second moments when we'd just look into each others eyes, silent. \n \nI'm really sorry for the ranting, Reddit. I'm sure many of you understand the need to just vent, even if no one listens. I'm just looking for some simple advice, especially from people who have been here. Thanks everyone. \n \nFYI: Divorce is an option, and we'd both be very civil about it. But neither of us want a divorce, we just don't want to live like this. \n \nTL;DR: After 4 or 5 years of ruining my marriage and degrading my wife, how can I prove things are truly different? I'll answer any questions in comments. Thanks again everyone. \n \n**EDIT:** I fixed the paragraph issue. My apologies. :) \n \n**EDIT:** Honestly, I expected some criticism; looked forward to it actually. Even expected quite a bit of you to tell us to divorce. What amazes me is how society has completely lost the value of marriage. Of course, my wife and I screwed up *big time.* But why is the only advice to an unhappy marriage to divorce? This isn't a high school relationship. We married each other because we're so in love, so connected, that there's no doubt in our mind that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. The process of changing, adapting, and fixing problems is the only thing that will hold a marriage together. \n \nI'm not really complaining about everyone suggesting divorce; I have a feeling most haven't been married, had a marriage end badly, or haven't yet hit the point of having major problems. I'm just amazed at how easy it is for people as a whole to say \"Get a divorce.\" \n \n**ANOTHER EDIT:** If it makes a difference, my wife and I come from severely broken homes. Not really going to get into it, but I grew up with an alcoholic father, parents divorced at 16, occasional abuse. My wife had it worse, with a horribly alcoholic mother, who disappeared for 10 years of her life. She was always lied to about who was her real parents. Raised by her grandparents, she was abused in many ways, but that's the most detail I'll go into about it. ", "answer": "I know this is not a sexy answer, but if you are both willing, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. You have a lot to work through with the affair and the distance between you two. Therapists certainly aren't magical but they can help if both of you are willing to do the work.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "dp6mg", "comment_id": "c11vkxm"}, {"question": "My [20/M] first time going out with a girl [20/f] and I have no experience at all. Any help would be great.", "description": "Hey all. Like the title says, I have no experience with girls whatsoever. I had a very sheltered life due to my ultra religious mom and didn't get exposed to anything like talking to other people outside of our very small congregation (which, by the way, only consisted of people that were in their 60s, 70s. So no one my age.) I've since left that and have started to develop basic people skills but I still have a ways to go.\n\nSo, I recently met a girl at work that I like and found out she likes me too through a mutual friend (which is a huge milestone for me, as I've put goals to try and do better with people). She's invited me to the movies with 2 of her other friends. The thing is, I'm not sure how to go about it. I still tend to run out of things to say and I wouldn't wanna look like a fool or something negative in front of her friends. I'm worried I might do something inappropriate that might turn me off from them and tell her to forget about me. \nI know you can't win them all, but just basic stuff to avoid.\n\nI guess I'm just asking for conversational tips/topics that I can use while I hang out tomorrow, as well as some dos and donts while I'm on a date. Anything would be a big help. Thanks in advance.\n\nTL;DR New to the dating game, I run out of things to talk about. Anything would be great.", "answer": "memorize a list of topics. it'll keep the convo flow going", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxusu", "comment_id": "ddxsmu7"}, {"question": "My [M27] fiance [M29] never wants to be with me.", "description": "I'm 27 he is 29 we are gay. And I have noticed and feel that he never wants to spend time or talk with me. He always says he tired, and all be ever wants to do is scroll on Facebook, and watch Star trek and drink wine. When ever I want to talk or do somthing together it's always such a chore. Or he tells me to shut up or idk when I'm trying to talk. He says he's kidding but I can tell he does not give a fuck. And the only way I get him to say I love you is when I say it to him. I don't know what to do. We are together for 4 years and I want to just do things with him. Be with him all the time. And it's depressing and I get angry and end up yelling at him. What do I do? \n\nIf you want more info ask please. I don't want to leave him but for god sakes pay attention to me a little. Be a fucking human for once we are young we should be fun and out and shit. ", "answer": "have a long talk about the relationship; past, present , future. if things don't improve see a therapist together", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qk26x", "comment_id": "dczywr3"}, {"question": "Good books for processing childhood abuse? Ready to let go and move on...", "description": "I have not processed the trauma I grew up with. My family chooses to bottle it up inside and everyone deals with it separately. That means I\u2019ve just never talked about it. I get instantly angry when it does come up and I can feel the frustration and resentment festering. I think I need to acknowledge it to get rid of it. The abuser has been out of my life for almost ten years, but I would really like to move into a healing stage. \n\nCan anyone recommend a book that helped you process domestic abuse on your own and that helped you let it go and move on? ", "answer": "Join us over at r/CPTSD! There are lots of resources on the sidebar and at https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/ including: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCPTSDtoolbox/comments/adwma3/cptsd_books_media_library/", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "al6fm6", "comment_id": "efd1mop"}, {"question": "GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!", "description": "Hi everyone, \nI am a first year med student suffering from a number of mental illnesses be it OCD ( mainly pure-o), SOCIAL ANXIETY, GAD, PANIC DISORDER, ONYCHOPHAGIA and mild AGORAPHOBIA ( all being in severe stage).\nI have been diagnosed officially by psychiatrist. \nThey have prescribed me meds but I am not taking them due to their potential side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial issues. I haven't told these things to my parents or to any other person but the psychiatrist. Now, my anxiety has gone out of control and I am looking forward towards my recovery.\nMy question to you people is as follows-\n1. Should I start taking the medicine prescribed by psychiatrist?\n2.What are the potential side effects of these medicines?\n3.Will it damage my brain and change me as a whole( ruining my positive traits also)\n4.How does one feel after taking such medicine?? Do they really work? How long do they take to show their full effects??\n5.Is there any alternative method to cure the illness??\nLooking forward to your replies.\nIt's very urgent!!!!!", "answer": "\n\n* 1. You have to decide this for yourself. If the psychiatrist prescribed it, they think it's the best thing to help you with your symptoms. \n* 2. Talk to your psychiatrist about side effects. Every medication has different ones. Most people don't experience all of them and very few people ever experience the severe ones. \n* 3. Taking medication may change you somewhat as I'm sure a lot of your personality is wrapped up in the thoughts and behaviors that are influenced by the anxiety. When you're feeling less anxious your personality may seem to change somewhat, but you'll always be you!\n* 4. Once again, it all depends on the medication you take. I take Adderall for pretty severe ADHD. For me, it actually calms me down, allows me to focus on things for extended periods of time, and be substantially less hypervigilant and anxious when driving. Medication generally effects everyone a little differently. ADHD medication generally works instantly. Most anti-depressants (SSRI's that are also commonly prescribed for anxiety) can take a few weeks of taking daily to build up in your system and be effective. \n* 5. Going to therapy consistently is probably your best bet to help with your anxiety. Multiple studies show that the best thing you can do is a combination of regular weekly therapy with medication. If given the option between weekly therapy OR medication only, therapy wins out. \n\n\nIf you're currently in med school you should look to see if your school offers free counseling for students. Most colleges and universities do. Given that you're already paying for it as part of tuition costs, you might as well use it. \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vtp1b", "comment_id": "e1qg4qo"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (was) a cutter and I don't know what to do.", "description": "I love her a lot. We have been dating 2 years and she has yet to meet my family. If I am being honest, part of it is because both of her arms are completely covered with scars. My mom is a traditional soccer mom and while she may have had somewhat free spirit a long time ago, I just don't think she would understand this part of my girlfriend and I'm worried she won't approve. To top it all off, my brother was married to a girl who was a cutter and she ended up completely ruining him. So my mom already has a bad view of this type of girl (if you can even include them in the same category). My girlfriend is much sweeter than she was and she just had this thing she went through. It's been a long time since she has done it. Any thoughts? ", "answer": "If she's stable and healthy now, and you love her, that's all that matters.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vdjsc", "comment_id": "dlzl09y"}, {"question": "Is there ever a good reason to get back together with your ex? [20/m]", "description": "I've read a lot that people typically shouldn't get back together with your ex if it ends badly, but I feel like I'm in a different situation.\n\n My ex [19/f] and I started talking a couple months ago and started dating a month ago. Things were going great until one day she dropped the bomb on me saying that she wasn't over her ex, even though she thought she was because she was tired of his shit and she was the one who broke up with him. She explained to me that I was perfect for her and doing everything right, but it was just bad timing and she needed time to work on herself. If the timing is right in the near future, is there a reason to try again with her?\n\nAny other advice is greatly appreciated.", "answer": "if there's a chance it could be great...yes! usually i recommend couple counseling so your renewal is smooth and you can iron out the problems of the past", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "730wqu", "comment_id": "dnmpx0i"}, {"question": "Habitual Smoking and ADHD?", "description": "I smoked cigarettes from 14-18 then picked it back up when I was 23. I've now been smoking off and on for 4 years since then but I'm realizing it might be connected to my ADHD.\n\nI've always felt it was the habit of smoking, not the nicotine, that was MORE addictive for me. When I'm driving, walking, or doing homework, it's similar to a fidgit cube. I always feel like I need to \"do\" and smoking is something to \"do\".\n\nAlso, no need to lecture me on the detriments of smoking, I'm well aware, I've quit before and I'll do it again. Because of the \"habit\" factor I plan on purchasing a vape to use nicotine-free juice and cut back tremendously.", "answer": "Smoking for something to \u201cdo\u201d is exactly how it feels for me ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xrg0a", "comment_id": "e9ulend"}, {"question": "How to talk to my doctor about depression/ suicidal ideations", "description": "20m usa. I've been feeling depressed for a long while now. Hopefully I can get an appointment today to see my doctor. \n\nI've been having suicidal ideations, basically just thinking about my death, thinking it might be the best option for me. ( I know its not, I haven't tried anything, haven't ever hurt myself or ever plan to).\n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor???? These thoughts just keep popping in my head and its terrifying. I don't want to to seek help just to be locked away in a psyc ward.", "answer": "You can talk to your doctor, but I'm not going to mislead. There are doctors who are comfortable with suicidal thinking, and there are doctors who are not. The latter might be quick to try to dump you on psychiatry. Most psychiatrists in most places wouldn't hospitalize you for being depressed for a long time\u2014because it's often not appropriate treatment\u2014but you might waste time in an ER before a psychiatrist sends you home.\n\nIt would go better if you're clear from the outset that there's nothing you're about to do, just that you're feeling depressed.\n\nA psychiatrist would be the right kind of doctor to treat this and probably more comfortable with chronic suicidal thinking, but getting in to see a psychiatrist can be a very long wait.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hon69k", "comment_id": "fxj7vom"}, {"question": "Being social is overrated", "description": "I love my coworkers at my new job and I have some friends through school. I'm outgoing, but at the end of the day, I want to be alone. I like to be alone. \n\nI have one close friend. I rarely see her. I don't talk to my family. I don't go out often. I am also tired from school and work.\n\nIt's draining going out and socializing, both mentally and financially. (Hey, more money for solo travel.)\n\nI used to want more friends, but now, I think I'm content just being a loner.", "answer": "Some people are social butterflies, and some are content spending a lot of time alone. I'm in the latter category, but as I've \"matured\", I've changed. I don't necessarily seek out social encounters, but I don't avoid them. I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3fexyt", "comment_id": "ctodesh"}, {"question": "How do I express myself properly my therapist.", "description": "I feel like all I do describe the emotions I have and don't really articulate the actual thoughts I have. I talk very slowly and I struggle to get stuff out. The truth is I'm probably way worse than I come across. He told me that I'm depressed but I don't think he fully understands how bad it is. I should probably tell him that I have a lot of hate, anger and jealousy for the rest of the world. And I really find everything shit. Ive been doing a short set of practices to help with various things. I'm thinking that afterwards I could try a different therapist for a while and see if I can get it out to someone else. ", "answer": "It can be helpful to start your sessions off with lighter conversation. What are you comfortable talking about? Can you talk briefly about any good tv shows, movies, books you've seen lately or hobbies engaged in? It can be helpful to have ice breakers. \n\n\nI can't tell you how many sessions I've have with folks where the first 20 minutes is talking about how the football season's going or the latest Game of Thrones episode, then the last 20-25 is really good in depth therapeutic work. I know some of my clients need this in order to feel comfortable. With some clients I certainly can, but with some we can't just jump right into the deep stuff as soon as they sit down. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8yazrw", "comment_id": "e29vcjb"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common. Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "e1w6uj9"}, {"question": "Lumbar Puncture okay with Naltrexone?", "description": "Hi there! I take Naltrexone to help with binge drinking. I only drink once or twice a week, or maybe once or twice every two weeks, but historically when I've done so I have gone way overboard. I take Naltrexone now and it has helped reduce my consumption. I only take it on days I drink.\n\nI have a lumbar puncture scheduled for this Friday 7/27 at 9am. I took 50mg naltrexone yesterday, 7/24, at 7pm, completely forgetting that it might interfere with the procedure. I'm not concerned it will skew the results, but I understand that taking opioid anesthetics can be deadly while on Nal. If it's useful, the last time I drank, and therefore took naltrexone (prior to yesterday), was about 12 days ago.\n\nSo, my question is, is it typical to give an opioid based anesthetic during a lumbar puncture? If I tell them I prefer a non-opioid anesthetic will that be an issue? I think the nal will be out of my system by Friday but wanted to make sure. Is this something I should be worried about or even reschedule? I would hate to do so, it's taken a while to get it scheduled and I need to get the procedure done.\n\nMy demographics:\n\n\\- Age: 46\n\n\\- Height: 6'2\n\n\\- Weight: 180\n\n\\- Gender: male\n\n\\-- Meds: only naltrexone\n\n\\- Smoking status: I quit 8 years ago. Smoked for about 15 years before that\n\n\\- Medical Issue: I have had constant daily headaches and fatigue for the last 4 months. I also feel generally ill, ironically, almost list a hangover. I've had all the bloodwork and and MRI done, now it time for the lumbar puncture.\n\nThanks in advance for your insight and assistance, it is genuinely appreciated.", "answer": "It's not typical to give an opioid for a lumbar puncture. Naltrexone isn't dangerous with opioids, but it will render opioids ineffective. There's no need to reschedule your lumbar puncture or even, as far as I know, be careful about mixing an LP and naltrexone.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91xeun", "comment_id": "e31m7hq"}, {"question": "Drinking. College. Recovering.", "description": "Hey all, \n\nI've been thinking about drinking lately. I ended up in treatment shortly before I turned 19, and I'm 21 now. I'll have three years on August 22. I went to treatment primarily for stimulants, although at the end I was using pretty much anything I could get my hands on. \n\nLife has been good since I got sober. Not a gift from god, not a reward from a higher power, but good. I returned to the (very good) school that I was almost kicked out of and I've gotten close to straight As since I've been back. I have a good job for the summer, I'll be graduating next year and things are looking pretty positive. \n\nI just feel like I'm missing out on being a normal 21 year old. Virtually all social activities on campus revolve around alcohol in some way, and it feels really isolating to be sober. I tried going out to parties dry for a while, but I frankly gave up eventually because it just made me feel bitter and excluded. Sometimes it was fun; it was unpleasant frequently enough that I didn't think it was worth it. \n\nI blacked out a lot when I was last drinking, but I was also 17-18 and stupid. I didn't really understand that moderation was a desirable thing, and I never really tried to acheive it. My big problem was, essentially, that I'd do some sort of upper on a Friday or Saturday night, quickly become unable to stop, and end up spun out until Tuesday or Thursday, missing a week of class and generally failing to meet whatever responsibilities I had. \n\nI think that I could deal with normal, go-out-and-have-fun-type drinking if I tried, at least for the forseeable future. What really keeps me back is that, in the past, whenever something went semi-seriously wrong in my life, my immediate reaction was to go out and get obliterated. I'm worried that the next time a girl cheats on me, I'll end up black-out drunk and back to having to ask around to find out what I did the night before. Again. Or come-to with a bag of cocaine in my pocket. \n\nBut I feel really alone as a sober 21 year old, and I'd like to at least try to participate in the sorts of things that normal 21 year olds do. I spent a year going to AA religiously and another yearish going more sporadically before deciding that it wasn't for me. I feel like there isn't really any program left to work once you take out the \"higher power,\" and I'm positive that I don't believe in that. The program runs on doublespeak and self-reinforcing cliches, and I feel like 80% of shares just parrot jumbled up versions of earlier shares. I think that it's main function is to help you associate some loved-up emotional high with sobriety -- and that's great if you can get yourself to buy in to it, but I can't. \n\nSo, anyway -- stuff has been pretty good for the past threeish years, but there are some things that have bothered me from the beginning that never stopped. Alcohol was moderately problematic to me, but I think most (not all) of the reasons it caused me issues have been resolved. I would like to try drinking again at some point in the future, and I never had any intention of staying sober when I was sent to treatment. But drug addiction was hell, and I never want to go back to that. \n\nAnyway, I don't really know what I'd expect in a response, I just kind of want to verbalize some thoughts. Does anyone have any experience, strength and/or hope? ", "answer": "I'm not here to sell you AA. It's clear to me you don't want it, and that's how it goes with some people. I'm just here to say I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I got sober at 17 and am in college now and I know a drink would be looking really friendly right now if I felt so alone. The comment that really trips me out is the idea that if you drank again you'd have to quit again ten years down the line. That is a fucking insane thought. If you did indeed spend a year and a half or so in the rooms you know that addiction kills people every fucking day. I'm sober today because if I were to drink again I don't know that I'd be able to quit tomorrow, or the next day, or ten years from now, or ever for that matter. Nothing I say to you will get that insane notion that you can control your drinking out of your head. I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through and that I can't help you with it. I hope you find a way to get out of that type of thinking and find the happiness you seek.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "28exwh", "comment_id": "ciarhkj"}, {"question": "Why is everyone out to hurt me?", "description": "Why is everyone out to hurt me :(?", "answer": "Once you have been a victim of abuse, you are significantly more likely to be abused again. This is why it may feel like everyone is trying to hurt you.\n\nFor example, here\u2019s my story in a nutshell.\n\nMy dad mentally abused me > my dad encouraged my brother to mentally abuse me > I went to school and sought out relationships that resembled my family\u2019s way of interacting, which meant I gravitated towards abusers > I was emotionally abused by these people > the idea that I deserve abuse became solidified in my head > continued to unconsciously seek out abusers > belief that I am worthless continually reinforced throughout my young life > sought out romantic relationships with abusers because I thought they were the best I could get > the idea that I am worthless became an inherent truth in my head and I rejected any evidence contrary to this idea and also rejected people who treated me any differently\n\nYou need to break the pattern, or hurt is all you will ever know. It\u2019s not your fault you feel this way, but you can make choices to stop yourself from being re-victimized. First step is begin to love yourself regardless of what other people do/think. This isn\u2019t an easy task, but you deserve self compassion. Good luck. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8v93si", "comment_id": "e1loy3e"}, {"question": "Long-term Mystery odor and sweatiness in genital area F30", "description": "age: 30 years old\n\nsex: female\n\nheight: 5'6''\n\nweight: 120 lbs.\n\nrace: white\n\nprimary complaint: bad (vaginal?) odor when sitting for any amount of time; feel like I have to urinate frequently; excessive sweatiness in vaginal area in social situations and after sitting\n\nmedications: none\n\ndrinking/smoking/drugs: non-user\n\nAbout a decade ago I noticed a distinct odor coming from between my legs -- it was unpleasant, but not in a fishy way, and accompanied by a little sweatiness. I closed my legs and just thought 'hmmm, that's odd' and hoped it would go away. A few months before this happened I had a very bad UTI that I left untreated for a couple of days and then got antibiotics for -- from that time I've had a sensitive bladder at night in particular. Also, I had been having unprotected sex with a partner at the time, but I got tested for the usual STDs afterward and I didn't have anything pop up (could be exotic I suppose, but if so, what?). I lost the ability to smell this odor between my legs after a few months and stopped thinking about it/assumed it went away. Unfortunately, the odor/sweatiness never went away. I know this because in the past few years I've noticed that people will get up and move away from where I'm sitting after about 20 minutes of my sitting down because I start to smell awful, which has proven extremely embarrassing to me. I've had two friends comment on it, so I know it's not in my head. I continue to sweat, A LOT, down there...after sitting for an extended period of time or when I get into a social situation. This exacerbates the smell, I think, because I can tell people notice and move away from me (but they do so when I'm not sweating too, so it's not just the sweat). The bladder problem has also gotten worse during this period and at night I sometimes have trouble sleeping now because I feel I have to use the bathroom, but when I go, it's not a lot. It's socially been extremely debilitating recently, as even six-seven feet away I've had people relocate to sit further from me. I should add that this hasn't subsided, the sweating, no matter the time of year or my diet, which I've changed up over time. I should also note that I have had annual reproductive health exams and never had a doctor tell me anything looks off down there. I've also been too embarrassed to explain what's happening to me. No burning/itching/strange discharge that I can identify. The strange thing about the (odor) moisture is that it occurs even if I use Drysol in the exterior area of the vagina/butt. Thoughts? Any ideas will be super helpful.", "answer": "I have dysautonomia which causes hyperhydrosis. I sweat a LOT, and most especially in the downtown. I do the public hair trim, use the blow dryer, use panty liners, don\u2019t sleep in underwear and occasionally use a non talc based power on the \u201cleg pits\u201d as a prior commenter called them, but not near the vulva. Even with all this I still struggle. Medications to help with sweating only make me extremely dry mouthed and I cannot afford (nor do I want) Botox every few weeks in the downtown. I just do my best with the above and deal with it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dyvbw9", "comment_id": "f8577s6"}, {"question": "Please help me not feel so nervous? Question about apartment-hunting.", "description": "Hey everyone. I know this isn't a good place for this, but I wasn't sure where else to go. I don't think this type of question meets the requirements at /r/AskReddit. Now, I didn't see anyone die or anything like that. I'm just nervous and afraid that I won't be able to find an apartment.\n\nMy girlfriend and I are going to start looking for a new apartment soon. Can I just list off some facts and you guys can tell me if it's possible or not? I just need to know whether it'll be possible or whether we have some serious issue that needs to be resolved before we start looking.\n\n* We're young. I'm 21 and she's 20.\n* We've only had one apartment together. It's sort of unconventional. We found it on craigslist, and it's above a family's garage. They're not really landlords, they just want to make some extra cash, and we needed a place to live. Still, we've paid the rent on time every month.\n* We both have minimum-wage jobs, but the rent is extremely high in my area. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and my girlfriend would be too, if she didn't get a lot of financial aid money.\n* My mom is willing to cosign, but she lives out of state.\n* I have a good credit score because I always pay off my credit card. Not sure how much that matters.\n\nI'm just afraid any landlord will see us as two irresponsible kids who aren't worth the risk.", "answer": "As a former apartment manager, none of this would cause me much worry about you as renters. \n\nEven though the place you had before was less conventional, it's still rental history. Talk to the family you lived with and make sure they are willing to provide you a good reference, if asked by a new apartment.\n\nThe place I managed required that the total income of the renters be 3x the rent, but this varies. We did consider student loans as income, so be sure to ask about that. It shouldn't matter if a co-signer is out of state.\n\nCredit score is usually weighted pretty heavily when renting apartments. It can mean the difference of getting approved/denied and can influence the amount of security deposit you are charged.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vkwpe", "comment_id": "coil6c1"}, {"question": "Job Offer", "description": "I've been with a company in the field that I want to be in for seven months in an entry level $35k/yr. I've received accolades from my managers and many compliments from guests and even a raise about five months in. I received a call from my former employer yesterday and they offered me a position as a District Manager. Pay starting at 65k/yr but it's a place that I didn't like working for at all. Very cutthroat and stressful, and my new role is the exact opposite. I feel like the only reason that I would take it is because of the money. I asked a couple people about it and one suggested that I'd be exceedingly good in the new role but possibly not exceedingly happy. \n\n\nI feel like I'm in a good place of growth right now but I'm not sure which way to go. ", "answer": "You've answered your own question. If you are happy with where you are and are not having money problems then why not stay and be happy? Personally I'd rather be happy with less money then stressed/unhappy with more money. Besides if your are unhappy all the time you won't be able to enjoy the money! It is unfortunate that we all need money to live in this world but I know when you are old looking back, you want to look back on the happy life you had. Not the unhappy but prosperous life. As you gain experience you will make more money eventually. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48yb2g", "comment_id": "d0njvuu"}, {"question": "What to make of an abnormal EKG?", "description": "(22 y/o female, 5'4, 105lbs. Medical History: Reynaud's phenomenon. Also, I have been experiencing joint and muscular pain/stiffness for years now, which does not seem to concern my doctors. Not taking any medications.)\n\nSometime last year I started to experience a racing heartbeat. My mom works at cardiologist's so they gave me a 24-hr holter monitor. I didn't experience much discomfort during that time frame and the cardiologist didn't seem concerned. He mentioned \"tachycardia\" without much context or explanation. \n\nSince then, my heart rate has only been bothering me more and more. At this point, I am usually fatigued and I feel weak and lightheaded often. I went to an internist recently, and I've apparently developed a murmur. I had an EKG done in the office that day and I have a t wave abnormality. I will be going for blood work and an echo sometime next week.\n\nI don't really know what to make of any of this and I would just like some context or explanation. ", "answer": "It's hard to tell whats going on - the failing here is the poor communication skills of the involved professionals.\n\nLots of people have lots of abnormalities on and ECG/EKG, its all about context. The murmur is a wee bit concerning, but the t wave changes and tachycardia might be nothing too worrying.\n\nBest to get clarification from your docs though.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5ks3uv", "comment_id": "dbq7jrp"}, {"question": "Can someone help figure out what I'm feeling?", "description": "For what feels like the longest time, I've wondered if I'm depressed, or if some truly ugly part of me just wants attention. Recently, I am obsessing over it a lot, and was hoping someone could help me out. I'm 17F, so a part of me wonders if this is just a societal thing, that everyone needs something to be wrong with them now. But at the same time, I don't know how I can describe what I feel.\n\nI'm not depressed in the traditional sense. I am not overwhelmingly sad all of the time, and I can smile or laugh genuinely. But on the other hand, I am so fucking tired all of the time. Doing the most simple tasks take forever for me to do, and I'm not sure if it's me being lazy or something else. I used to love going out and doing things with people, and now all I ever want to do is stay in bed. Nothing can ever keep me from boredom, and I mostly just feel indifferent with everything all of the time. \n\nI don't really understand the point of living. Maybe it's an existential crisis, but I don't understand. When I die, no one will care, it won't matter in the long run. My life is meaningless. And since I won't remember any of it when I'm dead, what's the point? I think about suicide briefly a lot. Just seconds here or there, which is why I don't think it's anything. Everyone thinks about suicide right? I think it's a normal thing but don't really have anyone to ask. I'll never go through with it, but everyday when I'm driving home from school down this one big hill, I think about driving straight off the road, and how much better it must be for everyone in the long run. \n\nI can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore. It rips me up every time I think about it, cause I'm not sure why I'm not good enough. I have tried to change who I am or how I act a platitude of times, and yet it never lasts longer than a few hours and I just feel even more worthless. \n\nI feel alone, but don't mind it. I can't focus for very long before I get sidetracked into thinking about my future and how fucked it is. I'm constantly trying to find ways to escape myself, but when those ways can no longer help me, I'm lost all over again.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI feel all of these things, yet I also wonder if it's possible that I'm just over-exaggerating what i feel into something way worse for some fucking twisted reason. It scares me if that's true because I think I must be a truly terrible person if it is. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAm I the only one that feels this way? Can anybody tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?", "answer": "Hey you!\n\nwhat you are going through is tough. You feel alone. The good news is you don't have to always feel this way. A lot of the things you describe sound like depression, but the best thing you can do is talk to your parents about how you are feeling and ask them to help you find a therapist to talk to. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. It's like seeing a doctor when you get sick or hurt. \n\n\nThis stuck out to me: \"I can never keep friends, they all end up leaving me after about 5-6 months because they get bored with me or decide they don't want to be my friend anymore\"\n\nHow do you know that your friends get bored with you? is this a fact or is this your depression convincing you that you are no good? You are good. I glanced at some of your reddit posts and you have some cool interests and you are interesting and very worthwhile :) \n\nIt sounds like there are people that care about you but its hard to believe that right now. Your thoughts can be very powerful things, but they are also things that you are in charge of. If thinking a certain way about yourself leads to feeling bad, try being your own devil's advocate and finding evidence that you are good and worthwhile. I can already see that good by your post and you having the courage to share what you are going through and seek help. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7ixm0", "comment_id": "ec3gx3k"}, {"question": "What are the chances my daughter's new doctor will read through her medical records?", "description": "I have a daughter, 9F 60 lbs, with a history of severe congenital heart defects and a traumatic brain injury. We moved overseas recently. Since January my daughter has been having more and more seizures despite being on medication. Most recently, her seizures are preceded by chest pain. I've been in communication with her new neurologist's nurse and I've just sent him her complete medical records. It's almost 1,000 pages. What are the chances her doctor will read through it? Should I go through them and highlight relevant information?", "answer": "Personally I think the previous doctor should hand over to the new doctor with a summary or a telephone conversation. It doesn't/shouldn't have to be a forensic 1000 page review by a doctor on receipt of a new patient.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g5dypk", "comment_id": "fo3zho1"}, {"question": "My sister 27f is a homeless heroin and meth addict. Was in the hospital with endocarditis that moved to her lungs. She checked her self out after being there for 2 days", "description": "So like the title said my sister 27F 100lb is homeless heroin and meth addict she smokes cigarettes and is hiv+. \n\nShe had the Dr tell my mom over the phone what was going on.\n\nAnyways my mom told me the growths in her lungs were cotton ball sized. The Dr's wanted my sister to stay in the hospital/skilled nursing facility for 6-8 weeks to get Iv antibiotics. My sister checked herself out 2 days in so she could get high I'm assuming. \n\nHow long do you think she has/ anything I can do?", "answer": "She needs to get on methadone or buprenorphine through an addiction service, and to be on therapeutic doses of the same. Take away the chaos and then access mental health supports for whatever is going on underneath the self-medicating. And go from there.\n\nIf she can get access to naloxone, that would be a lifesaver.\n\nThe big caveat as others have said - this is applicable only if she wants it (assuming she has the capacity to make informed decisions about her welfare). People are allowed to make unwise decisions in life, even if it causes their death...", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g4se7d", "comment_id": "fo065u5"}, {"question": "The Proven Heart Healthy Benefits of Moderate Alcohol Consumption!", "description": "Have you ever spoken with someone about your decision to SD, have them get a bit defensive, and then mention the heart healthy benefits of drinking 1-2 glasses of red wine per day? (BTW, nobody I know who has raised this objection to me CONSISTENTLY stays within that limit.)\n\nThen you go on the Web and see that a lot of conventional advice repeats this claim? That said, unconventional plant-based doctors like Joel Fuhrman advise that no alcohol consumption is best.\n\nWell...I had a physical this morning and asked my doctor, \u201cIf I walked in here with the exact same health stats that I have right now as a non-drinker, would you suggest I take up drinking a glass or two of red wine to improve my heart health and longevity?\u201d\n\nShe said, \u201cDefinitely not. Despite what you may read and hear, all available research that suggests this stands on shaky ground and is inconclusive. And/or it\u2019s based on correlation and not causation. While I urge my patients to drink no more than moderate amounts if they want to, I would never suggest anyone take up drinking for health reasons. And I\u2019d hope no responsible physician ever would.\u201d\n\nThis may seem like common sense, but am I the only one barraged with the, \u201cHey, a little bit, in moderation, is good for you.\u201d\n\nReason for this post: I\u2019m trying to reprogram myself to remove the desire for alcoholic beverages. This is one line of code.", "answer": "That is an old way of thinking that has been proven false. Drinking alcohol in any quantity is not beneficial to your health. That being said, many people still say this as it is true, including some physicians unfortunately. Same thing when it comes to only having a glass of wine while pregnant. Some physicians still say this is okay, when it has been shown that ANY amount of alcohol could potentially have catastrophic effects on the unborn child. It\u2019s like playing Russian roulette with your pregnancy", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "c2mkai", "comment_id": "erld1wm"}, {"question": "Psychologist or a Psychotherapist", "description": "Hey guys!!\n\nBeen suffering pretty badly from feelings of anxiety and depression for most of life (21 years old). I feel like a lot of it is who i naturally am as a person as well as life events. I have not been diagnosed with anything and have finally decided to seek help. Would it benefit me more to see a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist, and are there many major differences between the two?\n\nReason why I'm asking is because some people online have said that Psychotherapists do not diagnose and only help with CBT and take a more \"therapist\" way of dealing with issues, where as psychologists deal more with diagnosing mental illnesses.\n\nTL:DR- No diagnoses, should i see a Psychologist or Psychotherapist??", "answer": "It's all very confusing, let me clarify some terms:\n\nPsychotherapist = anyone who is licensed to provide talk therapy. What *kind* of therapy you get is what we call the \"modality\" or \"theory\": Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy... these are the schools of thought that the therapist have been trained in, and influence what your therapy will look like.\n\nPsychologist = a doctoral level therapist. This person has completed 5-7 years of school and can do therapy, make diagnoses, and do psychological testing.\n\nCounselor = this generally refers to a masters level therapist. They have completed 2-3 years of school and can do therapy and give diagnoses. They typically cannot do major psychological testing unless they work for a Psychologist.\n\nPsychiatrist = a medical doctor who has specialized in mental health issues. They are the only ones who can prescribe medication. You typically will not get much talk therapy from a psychiatrist, as most focus on med management. Those who also do therapy are typically *very* expensive.\n\nDiagnosis = the label we give to describe the symptoms that you are reporting, which informs how we formulate your treatment plan. Some issues are very straightforward to diagnose: if you meet the criteria for an anxiety or mood disorder, pretty much any therapist can make that call. Complex issues (e.g. Autism) might require formalized assessment and psychological testing, which is pretty much the only time when you would *need* to see a psychologist.\n\n**Who should you see?** Generally speaking, research shows that the college degree of a psychotherapist doesn't make too much of a difference in their overall effectiveness. What matters more is 1) how good of a fit are they for you, and 2) how well trained are they in the specific areas that you need help. Look for someone who you feel comfortable with, and who is knowledgeable about anxiety and depression. I like websites like Psychology Today or GoodTherapy, because they allow you to review a therapist's profile and choose someone who seems like a good fit.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hj8c7w", "comment_id": "fwltt5p"}, {"question": "Girlfriend and I broke up on good, speaking terms; what is the best way for me to go about this, in regards to how I treat her?", "description": "We truly love each other, there weren't infidelity issues, and we're both generally good people.\n\nShe and I met, things were great. Natural and positive. Great communication.\n\nThe reason we broke up, was due to her choice. She is 22 and has been meaning to \"find herself\" since before she met me. She has an opportunity to go to France for three months, all expenses paid. I'm happy she has such an opportunity, because it is exactly what she needs.\n\nRight now I'm a little hurt, and I am doing my best to prevent my past with other girls affect how I view this situation, and her.\n\nI basically just want to know how to be \"the best ex-boyfriend possible\", so that I don't act like a douche, or base my actions on resentment. Things like my demeanor or tone, the subjects of discussion, and frequency of contact, etc.\n\nI truly love this girl, and want her to be happy.", "answer": "Contact her if you want to talk to her, but don't go out of your way and do it much more infrequently than you did when you were dating. If she calls you or texts you, that's great--but don't jump the gun to reply.\n\nLimit your physical contact.\n\nDon't hang out with her one-on-one.\n\nBe civil. Don't be a douche. It doesn't sound like you'd go that way in the first place, but don't act really jealous if she dates another guy and don't act like you're feeling possessive of her even if you are feeling that way.\n\nMy best advice for you would be to limit contact with her until you don't feel hurt or otherwise romantically engaged. Granted, I don't know if that's applicable in your situation, but my fear for you is that you're going to fall back into treating her like your girlfriend again and you'll end up in bed with her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "u4r8t", "comment_id": "c4sbhpg"}, {"question": "Is this valid in an argument?", "description": "Hi. I had an argument with my bf recently and I feel very out of touch with reality considering the way he twists things around. So, I ask you, is this scenario valid to use in an argument? \n\nPartner 1 fucks up. Said partner apologizes profusely for the fuck up but partner 2 does not have it and won\u2019t even acknowledge the attempted apology. \n\nWeeks earlier the other partner fucked up in a different, but more serious way. Partner 1 was devastated and angry but agreed to hear partner 2 out, which led to a positive resolution. \n\nNow, partner 2 says that using the example of the way partner 1 reacted about partner 2\u2019s fuck up is invalid because you can\u2019t bring up things from the past. Partner 1 did not bring up the mistake, but rather the way the mistake was talked about and dealt with, and asks for the same respect partner 1 gave partner 2 during their fuck up. \n\nIs that valid? ", "answer": "It's valid, sure, but it's useless if the other person won't listen/acknowledge the point. \n\nI find that when in a stalemate with someone who doesn't seem to be understanding my point of view, they are probably feeling the same. \n\nThe quickest way to de-escalate an argument and get someone to pay attention to what you say (in a later step) is to acknowledge their point/feelings. period, end of sentence. \n\nNot: \"I see where you're coming from, but _______\"\n\nMore like: \"you're feeling angry because I _______.\" Then just let it be. They'll be taken aback that you heard them and literally won't be able to respond the same way as if you had said the above statement. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "80tu96", "comment_id": "duy7cum"}, {"question": "[27F] Need Help Deciphering Doctor's Visit Notes", "description": "Hello, \n\nI am a 27F Height: 5'6\" Weight: 230 Medical Conditions: no diagnosed medical conditions \n\nI went in for my physical last Friday, (Jan 2020) but have yet to receive some of my blood work results. I was reading through my doctor's after-visit notes on my online medical chart and noticed that she wrote:\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No results found for: HIVAB\n\nHowever, this same doctor wrote this on my physical last year (Feb 2019):\n\nHIV (15-65 yo): No components found for HIVABSCN\n\nDo those things mean the same thing? Or have my 2020 annual physical results not been analyzed yet? If not, what does \"No results found\" indicate? I am unsure of the difference in medical shorthand?\n\nAny experience or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "That's probably automatically generated boilerplate that's supposed to comment on HIV antibody screening. No such screening was done, so there are no results. If you aren't sexually active, or say you aren't, your doctor might skip the screening as pointless. If it was offered and declined, it wouldn't show up. Whatever the reason, you weren't screened for HIV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eosi6a", "comment_id": "feeuaq2"}, {"question": "Speaker Phone in Meeting", "description": "What are your thoughts on someone repeatedly listening in on an AA meeting, that is taking place in a treatment center, via speaker phone?", "answer": "It's hard to tell without more information. Are you talking about a situation where a former client calls in to a meeting that is being held in a treatment center? And I assume that current clients are attending the meeting that the person is calling into? For a regular AA meeting you would definitely need to get a group conscience on it. Since it's at a treatment center (I'm assuming in the US?) it gets even more complicated as they may be running afoul of patient confidentiality laws. The US law is especially stringent in terms of rules for substance abuse treatment and confidentiality. I would definitely bring this up with the counselors/admin as well as in the meeting's next business meeting.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "67kwue", "comment_id": "dgri1d2"}, {"question": "Therapists, if one session runs late, what do you do with the next session?", "description": "Im talking like 10, 15, 20minutes late, mayeb because this client needs to be hospitalized or something and youre trying to make the arrangements. What do you do with the next session? Like how does that go?", "answer": "If I needed to hospitalize a client, I'm generally cancelling my sessions for the next few hours as it can be a lengthy process. \n\nIf I'm 10-20 minutes late, I'll usually have my client notified that I'm running late, let them know if they can wait, I'll still see them for their full session, if not, we'll reschedule and they won't be charged. \n\n\nUsually I'll have a cancellation or a break that gets me back on track or someone in my schedule will be 15 minutes late or so. If this is the case, I won't give them their full session, it'll be their full session minus however late they were and then I'll be back on track.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bktlv5", "comment_id": "emr0lp6"}, {"question": "Advice on x-ray performed by chiropractor", "description": "Age:30\nSex:Male\nHeight:6 ft 0 in\nRace: White\nDuration:On and off for about 5 years. \nLocation: Lower back pain that will radiate to upper leg. \nhttp://imgur.com/a/XyYkX\n\nI went to the chiropractor, I've been dealing with on and off again lower back pain for 5 years now. Previously it only flared up when I over exerted myself lifting or exercising too hard. Well I've been driving a lot longer distances for work(I work outside walking around in sand and uneven surfaces) this has been causing the back pain to be near constant during the week. The pain is manageable rarely more than a 5 only a few times in the last 5 years has it caused me to be laid up and unable to do much of anything(less than 3 times). So being fed up with being in pain I decided to go to the chiropractors office, he took 2 x-rays and the front x-ray shows that my L5 is not in alignment. He says he can fix it but to me a vertebrae that is rotated requires more serious medicine. Any advice is welcome, should I seek a spine specialist?", "answer": "It's strange, because even I (a psychiatrist) can tell this looks normal. Another warning about the use of chiropractors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xhg2j", "comment_id": "dej70xg"}, {"question": "Alcohol is the True Opiate of the Masses", "description": "It's a form of incarceration. It is the true opiate of the masses. And were I a believer in conspiracy theories, I'd say that \"they\" (the powers that be) want us to remain addicted to booze so that we won't realize what's being done to us. \n\nI was thinking about all the really successful people out there. You know who I mean, The richest of the rich, the Richard Branson, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk types who are the movers and shakers of the global economy. These people rarely have drinking problems. They either drink moderately by having a glass of wine with dinner or a pint of craft-brewed beer after work, are in recovery because they realized that booze was bringing them down, or they don't drink at all.\n\nWhy is this true? Because successful people realize that too much booze sucks the life out of you. It dampens your creative juices and diminishes our drive to accomplish things. It's a fucking poison that most powerful people stay away from.\n\nAlcohol is a huge time sucker that interferes with growth on a personal, social and business level. I realize now what it has done to my life and I refuse to let this shit continue.", "answer": "Read any Allan Carr recently? Always worth another pass. Just like Alan Watts, it just gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5xu23p", "comment_id": "delngy2"}, {"question": "How to handle 6 year old pulling away since quarantine?", "description": "Asking here as my 6 year old's therapist has not been able to confirm she can be paid via zoom sessions and left trying to figure out my 6 year old's situation. He sees a therapist for anxiety/ oppositional behavior. Just before the pandemic when we saw what was coming, we left the city for a house in the country and my husband also lost his job. I've spent 10,11 hours a day on rolling calls trying to save mine and my team members and my husband has done most of the parenting. I'm sure all this has thrown my son for a huge loop; but it is manifesting in anger and really just wanting me to go completely away seemingly. When I try to spend time with him he mostly seems not happy about it. What can I do to bond and repair and help him?", "answer": "So many kids are struggling right now with this quarantine. \n\n1. Previous routines are gone.\n\n2. Active play is greatly reduced .\n\n3. Social connections are severed. \n\n4. Parents are stressed financially, worried about the present and future. Some couples are arguing more.\n\n5. Space in the home is different and compromised, as parents are working from home and kids are doing school work. \n\n6. Many kids have increased their screen time, which has a huge impact on behavior and regulation. \n\n7. What else?\n\nYou can't fix this situation, but you can address these changes to the best of your ability in whatever way works best for your family . Routine and physical activity are really important for young kids , and a primary stressor during this time.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fyvbzl", "comment_id": "fn39u9s"}, {"question": "Missed lexapro and now feel like garbage", "description": "I missed my lexapro dose this morning. I drove home during lunch to get it but I have been feeling anxious and in a bad mood all day. It's 4pm now and I'm in the gym. I have done an okay workout (kinda sub par) so far, just treadmill, stretching and bike, and I feel slightly better but not as good as I thought I would feel after forcing myself here. I promised myself I could skip my last class if I worked out, but I am almost done working out and I don't feel like I would feel any better whether I am at home or in class anyway. \n\nDoes anyone have experience missing doses? I am new to lexapro, I used to be on Zoloft and it was not nearly as finicky about the time of day I take the dose. I used to take Zoloft at night but lexapro causes insomnia if you take it at night so I've been taking in the mornings, and obviously it hasn't stuck yet!", "answer": "I've missed doses (not lexapro, but effexor) and it sucks, but you did a great job just getting into the gym. I wish I could offer more potent words of wisdom to you, but all I can say is that you just have to keep reminding yourself of why you're doing what you do. ", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3nm9t1", "comment_id": "cvpc6bx"}, {"question": "[Update] I'm finally out of the mental hospital!", "description": "I've posted on this subreddit for awhile about my deteriorating mental health, and I finally checked myself into a looney bin six days ago. I thought I'd be there longer but it was almost a week so I guess that's long enough. It wasn't the most fun experience but it wasn't terrible either. I feel like I got a lot of help and I'm surprised that I feel better coming out of it than going in.\n\nThings I disliked:\n\nThe strip search. I tried to get out of it but the doctor and orderly performing it told me to \"just get it over with\". Had to get totally naked for a minute, thankfully there was no shit like cavity searches. It was uncomfortable for everyone I can tell from their faces and thankfully was over with in no time. \n\nThe closed and sterile setting creeped me out. Everything was so clean and so safe, its not what Im used to. I know it's a hospital but it's still weird.\n\nBed times, as an adult I actually had a bed time. Most of the time I didn't sleep and I didn't sleep much at all during the six days I was there, and would fall asleep during group therapy and even individual therapy lol. I tried to leave my room at night and just walk around but was (politely) told by orderly I cant do that and they gave me more magazines and books to read than Ive read in years. When you dont have a phone, things get really boring fast.\n\nNo cursing. I was told this in the common area that I curse too much and to not use f bombs and to stop cursing like a sailor. When I first refused, they threatened to take me back to my room. And we were all adults.\n\nThe showers were communal. Had to shower with three other guys, blegh it was not fun.\n\nI had to make a pledge to not self harm and not attempt escape (I voluntarily went in but still needed a discharge to leave) and told me if I got violent and assaulted anyone, they would press charges. I felt like I was in prison when they told me that.\n\nThey made me eat enough to stop losing weight, and the food was not very good. They thought I might be developing an eating disorder. Having to scarf down hospital food is not the most pleasant of experiences but at least they gave you a choice what to eat. Ate a lot of seafood.\n\n\nThings I liked:\n\nI liked actually being able to talk to psychologists and psychiatrists all the time. I thought they would be condescending and rude, but they were understanding and nice and they really wanted to help me. I basically spilled my guts and told them everything, and they told me ways to deal with self-harm and tried meds on me that I'm now taking and are actually working, it frankly surprises me.\n\nThe orderly were actually very nice. I asked the orderly who escorted me to my room what do I do to not be on their bad side, they said just don't get in trouble and we won't mess with you. Surprisingly I had no bad experiences with them minus them telling me to stop cursing and one time disconnecting my phone because I wouldn't get off of it. That was also an annoying aspect, I'd call my girlfriend or brother and they'd get mad if it was over 20 minutes. Was very annoying not having my own phone.\n\nThe visiting hours were generous, my girlfriend visited me every day and it'd be for around an hour. Helped me through the isolation. I assumed it'd just be once a week and just be between glass like in a jail. \n\nI drew a lot. A lot of group therapy was fun and stimulating, I thought it'd just be fruity nonsense I wouldn't be able to use. But I drew a lot to express myself. I guess kind of childish but I liked doing it.\n\nThe patients were nice, I was in a part with suicidal and self harm patients and they weren't mean or violent and my roommate was pretty nice, he was just 19 and he was going through a lot of rough stuff, we would talk sometimes after bed time for a few hours and we became pretty friendly.\n\nI feel like the medication and the cognitive behavorial therapy has really helped me. Only time will tell, but I think this was the right choice to make.\n\nThey told me not to hesitate calling back and checking myself in again if I need to, Im surprised they didn't want me out as soon as possible.\n\nOverall, I'm glad I did it, but it still felt like I was in a cushier jail. But I think it saved my life, for now anyway.\n\nThey set me up with a new therapist and psychiatrist and hopefully things work well with them. So hey, I'm not dead, not yet anyway! All I could ask for.", "answer": "Awesome! Glad you shared your experience. I hope they got you set up with some follow up services so you can continue your work without the restrictions of an inpatient stay.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ep90f2", "comment_id": "fehwcun"}, {"question": "Is name calling ever acceptable in a healthy relationship? Or is it emotional abuse?", "description": "I am not referring to swearing at eachother such as \"what the fuck\", or \"im fucking pissed\". I am talking about people who call you names DIRECTLY when mad or when confronted with something that they don't like. I am asking this because I just broke up with a guy who during the span of our long distance relationship called me quite a few colorful names. Among them were \"dumbass bitch, bitch, The C word a few times, idiot, retarded bitch, whore (when he was suspecting me of cheating), referred to me as a slut) among those things he took cheap shots at my character anytime he got really upset. In my opinion I believe these things are absolutely unacceptable and I should have gotten out a lot sooner. I want to be with a man, not a baby who has to express himself in such a way. It got to the point where I started doing the same thing back to him and I feel awful about it. So what do you think folks? Unacceptable and do you consider this emotional abuse? ", "answer": "Name calling is NEVER acceptable. It is emotional abuse. (I'm a therapist)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5on0dr", "comment_id": "dckjx6q"}, {"question": "How do a get a child to engage in therapy?", "description": " I am an in-home therapist, I usually work with teenagers but I am currently working with a 10 year old foster child, what are some good techniques to get the youth to engage? he gets distracted easily and plays with his toys at the house or wont engage as often as I would like, he has mild tourettes syndrome.", "answer": "When I worked with kiddos 10 and under I unitized a lot of play therapy and therapeutic games. There\u2019s some great books out there with activities for kiddos as well. You can find out a lot working through the child\u2019s language of play. So even if they have their own toys you can use those in a therapeutic way as well. Tracking what they\u2019re doing, having them tell you what they\u2019re doing (a lot comes out this way without having to ask questions that you might with older kids and adults).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eljd14", "comment_id": "fdjf7sw"}, {"question": "Did Yasmin affect your libido and/or ability to orgasm?", "description": "I've been having a really low libido since I started taking Yasmin. I want to enjoy making love with my boyfriend, but my body doesn't seem to respond physically. I'm having a hard time getting turned on. I have trouble reaching orgasm. My boyfriend thinks it's his performance in bed that's causing the issue, but I have my suspicion Yasmin has a role in it. Last night he climaxed before I could, and he felt horrible since he always lets me go first or goes with me. ", "answer": "Def flattened my sex drive when I took it. Not as badly as ortho tri cyclen or ortho lo, but palpably. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "99sga9", "comment_id": "e4rcvca"}, {"question": "ZOOM participation", "description": "I\u2019ve always felt a significant urge to participate in class when it was held in person. For classes that weren\u2019t everyone\u2019s favorite, it often left the room silent after the professor was finished speaking and asked for questions or comments. It may just be a symptom of being hyper empathetic, but regardless of how anxious it made me to speak aloud in front of so many people, I felt it was my responsibility to fill each silence so the professor didn\u2019t feel like a failure. It was almost as if the lengthy quiet pauses in the room were more uncomfortable than anything else...\n\nAnd now that college/university courses are all moved online, I am feeling the same tendency to make up for everyone else\u2019s lack of interest and attention. Yesterday for example, every single person in my class (12 students) turned off their screens/video only 5 min into the 2-hr long session. I felt paralyzed with panic-should I turn mine off and blend in? Or should I keep mine on out of respect and to let the prof know she isn\u2019t utterly alone? Well as painful as it was...I kept mine on. My professor\u2019s spirit looked absolutely broken all throughout the session. With two kids at home and 2 jobs all online now, I couldn\u2019t understand why others didn\u2019t feel equally compelled to show her some support in this small way. \n\nDo any of you have similar feelings or stories to share? Sending this whole community lots of warmth and fuzzy feelings during this chaotic time!\n\nTLDR: Urge to participate in classes (physical or digital) to fill each uncomfortable silence and support professor. Very grateful for this community for making life a little less chaotic!", "answer": "As someone who has worked as a professor and has a lot of professor friends, I'm sure your professor SO appreciates your engagement!! It is so hard and demoralizing to teach when your students are completely tuned out. You extended some real kindness and respect to your professor. I wish more people were like you!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "futmig", "comment_id": "fmgclnw"}, {"question": "Nocturia", "description": "Had anyone had a hormonal imbalance that caused excessive urinating at night? I thought it was the spironolactone but discontinued that months ago and it\u2019s still happening. I\u2019ve read up on nocturia and saw it can be hormonal. I\u2019m on LoLoEstrin Fe. Anyways it\u2019s annoying and interrupting my sleep! Anyone else? Thanks!", "answer": "Have you ever tried Berberine to help with levels? I eat pretty well and walk daily. I liked the pdf you shared it was informative. I\u2019ll certainly consider switching from LoLoEstrin...just worried because it has been the only one that hasn\u2019t affected mood, usually BC historically makes me so irritable and moody! Anyways thanks!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "csrk7d", "comment_id": "exjohew"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me", "description": "I don't know. I feel so empty all the time. I am incapable of distinguishing between my emotions. I just can't. I don't know if I'm feeling happiness, or sorrow. The only thing I know is my rage. It boils up like lava, filling me like a drug. Once I feel it, I want to hurt what ever angered me, even if it's completely irrational. For example, once I got annoyed by my older sister. My anger filled me, and I just wanted her to hurt. I ended up scratching her hard enough for it to scab over. She would occasionally show it to me. I guess it was to make me feel guilty. I guess I was wrong to get physical, but I felt... nothing. I felt that terrible emptiness everytime she showed me. I said sorry, but I didn't mean it. And for so long, my mood could swing so quickly. I could be smiling at one moment, and then one tiny insignificant thing could enrage me the next. And I can switch between the personality masks I made for myself so fast. Usually, I pretend to be this bright, happy-go lucky girl. But I'm so tired of pretending to be happy. Hell, I felt so bloated after eating dinner that I went into the bathroom, inserted two fingers into my mouth, and debated if I should purge myself, and likely give myself bulimia as well. I ended up not, as I decided I just didn't care. Every time I feel like I may feel something other than anger, it slips away. My friend told me that I may be bipolar, but I would like to hear other people's opinions. It may be genetic, as my oldest sister (not the one I scratched) behaves similarly. She could be happy and laughing one moment, then screaming and cussing the other.\nI made this account today, so excuse any poor formatting.", "answer": "Doesn't sound like bipolar.\n\nHave you ever heard of alexithymia? Give it a google and see if it resonates with you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egmf08", "comment_id": "fc7lm5u"}, {"question": "Depression, but I know the cause?", "description": "I\u2019ve recently started seeing a therapist. While the sessions have been OK, I think I may need more help. I\u2019m crying myself to sleep every weeknight. I\u2019ve lost the motivation to do one of the few things I love (cooking), choosing instead to just lie in bed (often crying some more). I\u2019ve felt empty and drained for so long. \n\nI guess my question is, is it reasonable to give medication a try if I know the primary driver of my sadness? While I do have some family/relationship/personality issues that I am trying to work on, it is my job that is causing the bulk of my pain. It is 8+ hours of dread, fear, and frustration, and it is near impossible for me to not let it poison the remainder of each day. I am trying to get into a better situation, but even that is made more difficult when I feel so beaten down and hopeless every evening. \n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "This is really a question to ask a psychiatrist and not a therapist. As a therapist though I'd say it's definitely worth talking to a psychiatrist though and seeing what they think. Ideally in therapy you should be working towards either finding a way out of that job or finding some way to cope so that it's not so stressful, but in the meantime, I imagine you'd like to stay stable enough to hold down the job until something better comes along for survival sake? If so, if medication is what helps you maintain so you don't have a breakdown, I don't see anything wrong with that. \n\n\nIt's always much easier to get a job while you have one than to get one when you're unemployed, especially if you end up unemployed for a while.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebxf6r", "comment_id": "fb82vt9"}, {"question": "Medication: what has/has not helped?", "description": "I'm a 26 year old aspie woman with a history of misdiagnosis...es...is... Whatever the plural is. I've been on various pills over the last ten years, none of which really seemed to do me much good. \nI've found the only thing that consistently works with minimal side effects is cannabis, but that's all tied up with my nicotine addiction and now I'm feeling trapped in a cycle of smoking every day.\nI don't like SSRI's much, especially Efexor, and I found Risperidone just made me more naively trusting, leaving me even more vulnerable to douchebags. \nSorry if it's a bit of a long ramble, I'm thinking about asking my Drs for meds, but I'm not sure which ones, or how much, or whether I'm better off just fighting through my nicotine addiction and trying to limit my pot usage. \nSo my question: what has/ has not worked for you? \n\nEDIT: I wasn't very clear at all, I should've said: what medications did/didn't work for associated depression, anxiety etc. Sorry. :( ", "answer": "There are NO medications that have been extensively supported to reduce the symptoms of autism/Asperger's syndrome. There are only a few case studies (studies by individual psychiatrists studying 1 or two individuals at a time for a period of a year or less). To put that in perspective most drugs (like SSRI's) are tested on thousands of people for several years before they are approved for public use for a specific illness.\n\nIf your doctor is trying to medicate Asperger's, you are going to the wrong doctor.\n\nThat being said, asperger's often comes with anxiety and depression. In these cases, Aspies have been shown to respond similarly to others. Individual aspies, including myself, often report little positive effect and extreme side effects when using anti-depression or anti-anxiety meds. However, this is normal for pretty much everyone. It can take years, trying one medication after another (a few months at a time) to find what medication works for an individual.\n\nMedications that effect the brain are highly individual for everyone and psychiatrists aren't even entirely sure why a med that works for one person doesn't work for another. That is why prescribing these sorts of meds is often a drawn out guessing game.\n\nI guess what I am saying is that you shouldn't seek medication to change your Asperger's, only depression/anxiety that comes with it. The most effective treatments for Asperger's are social skills training (or even active self-education) and individual/group therapy to increase your self-acceptance and learn how to adjust your lifestyle (and not blame yourself for what you can't change).\n\nEDIT: As far as pot is concerned, I don't have a problem with it and it seems to be an effective treatment for all kinds of problems. Of course, it also has unintended effects that need to be kept in check, especially if you are a daily user. That could be anything from lack of motivation to stoned driving/working. Many regular pot users are aware of the side effects and how going overboard can have negative effects, while others blind themselves to it. The only reason I don't do it is because the legal hassle isn't worth it for me and individual and group therapy have done a great deal of good for me.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1emsvu", "comment_id": "ca1vlg0"}, {"question": "Finding a therapist seems impossible now", "description": "I am having the hardest time finding a therapist and I want to give up and just watch youtube videos of therapy and read self help books.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just ended it with my 5th one this year because she made me feel like a dollar sign.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI went to her because she was willing to work with me for $75. She is a Psychologist.I am sure she is well educated. Her market rate is $180. She asked ME what price worked for me and it was set. Or so I thought. Now today during our session all she was focused on was a 'scholarship agreement\" where she would see me for 30 minute sessions instead of the agreed upon 45 minutes because her reasons are as follows:\n\n&#x200B;\n\nfair practice dictates that she cannot offer me lower price than other clients\n\nif she agrees to $75 then the minutes will need to be lower\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just felt like a dollar sign and I told her that.\n\nI am trying so hard to improve and I have done a lot on my own. I cut out my vices..alcohol and cigs..I practice mindfulness..I do CBT workbooks etc but I cannot find a therapist I trust or who I think has my best interest at heart.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIt is so frustrating and now all I want to do is have a beer. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI understand therapy is expensive but she agreed to do $75 so why is she focusing so much on that now? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy only other option is to ask my parents to pay for my therapy but I don't want to do that because they have a history of using money as power and guilt tripping me for shit and I don't want to risk that again.\n\nExample: they pay for my therapy and then make me feel guilty for not calling often enough or eventually decide they can't pay anymore and I will be stuck and unable to afford therapy and maybe a meltdown ensues. \n\nso I prefer to do it all on my own so I wont have to deal with the rug being pulled out from underneath me in the future.\n\nI also have a disorder that is highly stigmatized so not even mental health professionals want to deal with me and every time I go to a new therapist and have to re-explain myself and my life story it just gets exhausting.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI need advice.\n\nShould I see if my parents will pay it so I can find someone who is decent and money won't be an issue? They said they want to support me any way they can..but again..past experience dictates that they will blackmail me eventually if I don't do what they want me to do.\n\nShould I just try to get better on my own? It feels impossible.\n\nShould I keep shopping around and hope to find someone who will work with me for my price and not waste a whole session discussing it and who will see me for longer than 30 mins? I need more than 30 mins a week. It just doesn't feel like enough.", "answer": "Oh gosh. I don't have time to say everything I want to say right now. But this therapist is behaving poorly in a number of ways. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "acxzo4", "comment_id": "edbrwcf"}, {"question": "Shortness of breath but all physical tests came back negative", "description": "My doctor is stumped. I'm not sure what to do from here. I did all sorts of physical tests including blood work (for pulmonary embolism), urine test, blowing into a tube, and a heart electricity scan thing. All negative.\n\nDoctor said it must be anxiety so I'm on anxiety pills. But the shortness of breath still occurs sometimes. It comes in waves of a few days. It makes my hand numb from taking in too much oxygen.\n\nI've had it for as long as I can remember (extends into my childhood) but it's only ever been a minor inconvenience, happening maybe for a few hours. Last year it lasted for a whole week so I went to my doctor. It's been happening on and off now every few months for a span of a few days. I've been on the anxiety pills since last year.\n\nI can occasionally catch my breath by yawning.\n\nWhat else could it be?", "answer": "Which anxiety meds are you on?\n\nEdit: youve had all the appropriate tests, so I think being trialled on anti-anxiety meds is correct.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "547zeq", "comment_id": "d80fij9"}, {"question": "Going into week 3 of common cold", "description": "Age: 19\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 5'0\n\nWeight: 11 stone 10lbs ish\n\nRace: white British \n\nDuration of complaint: around 2-3 weeks\n\nLocation: UK, on body it changes. Mostly hip and head. Currently, throat, nose, head, hip\n\nMedical issues: none except perhaps \"weak lower back\" \n\nMeds: provera but last dose was September (one a day for a week every 3 months) \n\nOkay so I got what I think/thought was a cold around the 10th of this month. I mostly had a headache, a blocked nose, dizzy spells, trouble digesting (needed a watery shit every morning) and lots of sneezing for the first week. Weirdly no cough/sore throat, but pain in my left hip every time I move it, step on my left leg and it gets worse in evenings, meaning I stay up really late sometimes because I just can't sleep. I don't know how that relates to a cold but it started with the start of this illness. I've always had lower back problems, so it might be related? the pain in my hip has spread down my leg a little and to my lower back but still mainly on my hip. It stops hurting if I stay sat/lay for a while. I didn't have much of an appetite until the end of the week and lived mostly on toast. \n\nIn the second week a lot of the same, but I started losing my appetite as quickly as I got it, lots of false hope there haha. I started getting a bit of a sore throat, like it's Swollen, possibly my glands?\n\nA few days ago I went to the doctors, saw a nurse practitioner and asked about it. She checked my tonsils and they weren't Swollen or anything, I can't remember if she said \"glands are/aren't Swollen.\" she checked my oxygen count which is apparently really good. My temperature is 37c or maybe 32.7c, I just remember 30 and 7. She told me my ears are completely clogged and I need to put olive oil in them and since she mentioned it my ears have been killing. Psychological or do they actually hurt? They also hurt when I swallow. My headache has mostly faded but I can still feel it there and certain things can set it off. Dizzy spells still in full swing if I look around too quick. Also new, jaw ache. Stops me sleeping sometimes. Nurse told me I probably have an upper respiratory infection, aka a common cold, so I feel like an idiot and don't wanna go back now. Kinda thankful I'm jobless as I would've lost it by now, so many sick days..\n\nThis is new in the past few days, I've lived on toast for 2 weeks now but now when I eat it I feel sick. Highly doubt I'll vomit but I don't wanna risk it as I already feel terrible. Yesterday I successfully ate an ice cream and a yoghurt, so it seems I can eat liquidy and sweet food without wanting to throw up? \n\nBasically, I'm confused as to what's going on. I'm sorry this is long and complicated and all mixed up, I'll try do a sum up\n\nOngoing symptoms:\n\n* Headache, most intense in first 1.5 weeks\n* Hip pain, spreading after 1 week\n* Loss of appetite, got it back at end of 1 week but came back\n* Stuffy and very slightly runny nose\n* Sneezing galore\n* Dizzy spells\n\nPast symptoms:\n\n* Issues digesting, a little better now but not fully fixed\n\nNew symptoms:\n\n* Sore/swollen throat, hurts to swallow and this morning, talk, started at 1.5 weeks\n* Jaw ache, started 1.5 weeks\n* Ears hurting, started 1.5 weeks after seeing nurse\n\nIs this just a really long cold or is it something more? I'm getting fed up now and if it continues my mind will end up straying to the dark thoughts of suicide. It's nothing like others have dealt with but this is the worst for me, I don't know how much longer I can handle eating next to nothing and hardly being able to move", "answer": "I'd say it's the cold, albeit one that's lasting a while.\n\n[NHS advice](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cold-common/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5eu1zi", "comment_id": "daf5opv"}, {"question": "Can you get an imbalance in serotonin?", "description": "So I started taking an SSRI, fluvoxamine, in 2016 for anxiety and panic for about a full year. Then I stopped taking the SSRIs after that full year because I wanted to be independent of them (i.e. flat out stopped taking them, no winding down). Then, after 6 months of little to no anxiety, I started having panic attacks again. Then I went back on the same dosage of those very SSRIs. Noticed they were making me depressed and scared. Also started developing symptoms of a \"silent migraine\" \u2013 dizziness, foggy vision, feeling slightly off balance. Can this be correlated to my experience with this med? I also noticed I didn't have this silent migraine for months, and it recently developed a month ago. So then I deloaded off the SSRI but the silent migraine won't go away. Anyone know why? I went to the doc and he couldn't come up with a conclusion. He said it would go away with time. I should also mention that I did get prescribed panic attack medication, hydroxizine, which I only took once (25 mg), in February. I believe that the dizziness spells (i.e. silent migraine) started happening the day after I took that and won't go away. I should also mention that my state of mind is mostly negative, for example not understanding why the earth exists, being afraid of death, afraid of something bad happening.\n\nMaybe it's all in my head? Maybe I'm just hyperattentive to detail because of my anxiety? My psychiatrist prescribed to me a new med, Luvox; do you think I should take this to try to change my state of mind into a more positive one?", "answer": "Luvox isn't a new med, it's the brand name for fluvoxamine.\n\nIt's hard to know. SSRIs can have side effects, including ones produced by an excess of serotonin. It's hard to know what your \"silent migraine\" is, but it sounds like it seems to happen independent of SSRIs. That could itself be a symptom of anxiety.\n\nThese are things that you should talk about with your psychiatrist. Have you felt better when not taking an SSRI or when you have been, and which SSRI? Which symptoms do you have when?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8c9h51", "comment_id": "dxdd528"}, {"question": "The only thing im looking forward to in life is getting fucked up. I have nothing else, idk", "description": "The only thing I look forward to is getting fucked up on LSD, MDMA and, well, anything I can get my hands on. I also play an unbelievable amount of PC games to escape. The idea of working kills me and schooling is hell. I don't know what I am to do...\n- I don't want to work for someone else\n- I want to be constantly fucked up \n- The only thing I look forward to is being out of a sober mental state", "answer": "Oh sweetheart. It\u2019s amazing you realize what\u2019s going on\u2014that you\u2019re trying to escape. All of these are avoidance behaviors, as you\u2019ve already noted, but\u2019s it\u2019s seriously good news that you can recognize it! \n\nNow for some questions that might help you decide how to proceed: \n\nDo you want to feel better? Are you ready to take some tough but necessary steps to break this demoralizing cycle?\n\nAre you in high school? If so, is there a mental health counselor on campus you can disclose this to? If you\u2019re a college kid, same question. \n\nHow long have you been doing this? The substances in particular?\n\nCan you tell your parents? How will they react?\n\nWhat I want you to know is that a lot of the awful feelings you are having are likely either caused or seriously exacerbated by the chemical imbalances you\u2019ve accumulated from the substance abuse. The good news about that is knowing there is relief on the other side, if you decide to quit. \n\nThe bad news: The longer you keep this up, the harder it will become to quit, and the more difficult the road to recovery. If you think you\u2019re ready\u2014however terrified you feel\u2014please take some steps to get help now. \u2764\ufe0f\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "826wd8", "comment_id": "dv7uamn"}, {"question": "My girlfriend\u00b4s little sister (4) died today a awful death", "description": " \n\nIm sorry for my bad english but I have nobody to talk about this ...\n\nThe little sister of my girlfriend died two hours ago and I had to watch it ... \nHer body parts got demolished by a motocycle chain that flew around from a bike accident.\n\nI babysitted her and we walked into the city and I bought her ice-cream and we stoud at the street to just enjoy the moment as at once and a motocycle crashed near us with 100 Km/h into a car ( in a zone with a 20Km/h speed limit) and the chain just broke und tored of her head ...\n\nI will never forget this moment when her head hit the ground and her facial expressions ( I cant explain how she watched but it was horror.\n\nI dont know what to do now ... Im very close to kill my self.\n\nI CANT HANDLE THIS SH\\*\\*\\*T RIGHT NOW\n\nPlease guys\n\nCan you please comfort me a bit ...\n\nIm really sorry for my bad english guys ..... ;(", "answer": "I'm so sorry that you experienced something so traumatic. I would suggest calling a Suicide Hotline to process this right away, and they can help find resources for you to see a therapist as you are experiencing something so traumatic. It makes sense why you are still shaken up. I am keeping you in my thoughts.", "topic": "whatsbotheringyou", "post_id": "cn96ot", "comment_id": "ew86fcd"}, {"question": "When you haven't done something for several years and you realize why. [TW] self harm. Poetic? [TW-self harm].", "description": "Last night I was having a tough time. When I say tough time, I mean checking bus shedules. Not to ride away, but to step off the curb. I was used to my depression and emptyness. I can normally supress my self hate through my medication. A little booze if needed. But it just was not working. I opened my desk drawer as usual and saw my razor blades. Usually I feel repulsed by them, but tonight was different. I held them, then put them back away. Not tonight I said. I'm not that weak. \n\n\nThen held them again, and decided who was working for ME? tonight. I tried to put it back away, but as soon as I opened my drawer to put it away, I saw myself make a quick stab at my arm. I was instantly discusted and ran from my room. I hid in the bathroom as if nothing happened. Surely if I hid here, nobody would ever know.\n\nI did it. I broke my several year streak. I hated myself. Yet...I felt better than I could ever recall. I felt lighter than my 180lbs and smiled. Smiled and a tear of joy ran down my cheek. My arm ached. But it was overcast by my joy. This. This was why we could not be friends. This was why I removed this wonferful yet awful escape from my life. This was why this \"friend\" had to stay in its cage. While still smiling with joy and in tears i looked at my prior scars. It was mere minutes before I was in a pool of tears filled with shame. I felt again. But at what cost? I felt joy and hope. But now I was filled with hate. Now I wanted to lay in bed and never wake. Now I wanted to bring my friend out again. \n\nOnly.... we are not friends. Friends help each other. This was not help. This is why we cannot be \"friends\" and you must remain in your cage.\n\nSigned yours truly. RangerRickR.", "answer": "Sometimes we need a reminder as to why we don't let certain friends come around. They are manipulative and out for their own self interest and only want you to feel as it feels. You didn't break anything, your resolve was strengthened and showed you are stronger than its grip", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ale8s", "comment_id": "csdssqr"}, {"question": "Crying over losing stuff", "description": "This is probably super random but I hate how I keep losing stuff.It always has to be something important I use everyday and it always ends up making me feel like I'ts the end of the world,no matter how small it is.How do people even lose stuff and still manage to calmly look for it ,not having it ruin their entire day?Here iam,at nearly 12 pm,crying over losing my acne creme like a baby-\n\n\nPutting it in a \"safe place \" doens't help at all bc guess what,I don't have a safe place bc when misplacing these things my mind is totally somewhere else and I end up finding it like a week later in some random place it is not supposed to be in.\n\n\n\nI just want to be normal", "answer": "Everything is always in my car. Or the freezer. The remote control, my cup of tea, everything. It is enraging. I feel like I am always on autopilot.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jmyeva", "comment_id": "gayvxuc"}, {"question": "19- kids will be kids", "description": "My two kids are 3 and 4yrs old. One girl. One boy. They currently want to just play fight constantly, the boy actually ended up with a blood nose today as the sister just ain't taking any of his crap (lol, a body slam with a t rex costume on is vicious no matter what age)\n\nSaying \"noooo stop that\" 500 times a day usually would make me just go nope... Screw it... I'm getting drunk as soon as you both go to sleep. But I spent the evening reading the news and generally not screwing my life up any further.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "I hear ya. I have three boys aged 2 , 5 and 6. Between fighting, breaking everything and eating constantly they have me worn out....however as you say its not a good reason to drink ( what is !). Imagine these situations with a hangover !! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "95l48r", "comment_id": "e3tknuv"}, {"question": "Advice regarding seeking diagnosis", "description": "25 years old. I've recently been considering that I may have ADHD. Pretty much all of the symptoms struck a chord with me and it might be why I've been struggling so much. I decided that I showed too many symptoms to ignore and have all my life so I booked an appointment with the GP in my university to try to get information and a referral. She told me that there was no way I would have gotten into university with undiagnosed ADHD as I wouldn't have gotten the grades. She wouldn't listen to any symptoms and had made up her mind that I was overreacting.\n\nI then went to my GP in my hometown for another opinion. She's been my GP all my life so I thought she might be more open to my thoughts. She completely dismissed me, calling ADHD a \"fad\" and a \"sexy diagnosis\". She said that seeing as my parents share some of my symptoms that it's just learned \"bad behaviour\" and that some people are just lazy. She treated me like someone looking for drugs and flatout refused to give me any information or a referral.\nI'm so afraid to go looking again as I've already spent so much time and money and I've been left feeling like I'm reading too much into it and really am just disorganised and lazy.\n\nHas anyone had else had any trouble seeking a diagnosis as an adult and how did you get people to take you seriously?\n\nTLDR: Been seeking a diagnosis and been dismissed by two doctors as lazy and unmotivated. Any advice in being taken seriously?\n\nThanks", "answer": "Riiiiight, and of course it's absolutely not lazy and unmotivated to send a patient away with a 'nope, you don't have it byeee'...\n\nDefinitely find a another doctor. A GP is not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, should not make a formal diagnosis, and should definitely give you a referral. ", "topic": "TwoXADHD", "post_id": "b9fkdi", "comment_id": "ek48q6h"}, {"question": "I [23F] feel I have some kind of mental illness, my GP doesn't care, my therapist thinks mindfulness & positive thinking will cure me", "description": "My life since early adolescence has been a struggle. My home life as a kid was awful, including so much verbal & emotional abuse at the hands of my batshit mom & alcoholic stepdad as well as sexual abuse from another kid at one point. I spent years self harming, binge drinking and eating, and attempting suicide. I met a boy and now I'm a bit happier. Happy enough to try and get help. My GP gave me an SSRI and told me to book a therapist so I can stop the meds soon. My therapist told me to try breathing exercises.\n\nMy initial reaction to my therapist is anger. I don't think my problems are as simple as breathing, mindfulness. I've tried those methods independently and while they can help, they are not a cure. This SSRI is helping for now, but I don't want to go back to the life I was leading before. Even with my SO, even with the antidepressant, life is a struggle for me. I'm tired of struggling. What do I do? I feel like I want an actual diagnosis or a root cause, but my therapist is saying she sees no personality or mood disorder. \n\nHere are some of my symptoms for reference:\n\n* dissociation/depersonalization/derealization\n* panic attacks\n* constant anxiety over 1 billion little things\n* low self esteem \n* self hatred\n* suicidal thoughts\n* racing thoughts\n* insomnia at times, sleeping too much at others\n* inability to keep to a schedule\n* brain fog\n* cant enjoy anything\n* short attention span and memory \n* constantly tired\n* paranoia \n* super impulsive at times \n* self destructive urges\n* hypersensitivity \n* extremely insecure\n\nHelp.\n\n**TL;DR** my GP gave me an SSRI on the condition I go to therapy, my therapist thinks all I need is the power of positive thinking and mindfulness coping skills. I don't agree and feel there's something deeper.", "answer": "I think you need to talk to your therapist about how unsatisfied you are and name your specific concerns. She may be able to provide more rationale for her approach or more information about her long term plan for your treatment.\n\nIf she is unable to address them, I would find a different therapist, and discuss with that person during the first session what you feel your needs are and what their approach would be. You may want to look for somebody with specific expertise in treating trauma if you feel that your childhood experiences are playing a big role. A good therapist will be able to explain to you clearly what their theoretical approach is, what the goals would be, and what results you should expect (although of course things change as the therapy progresses).\n\nThis is a good article on choosing a therapist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/14/key-questions-to-ask-when-choosing-a-therapist/\n\nIt's really important to find a good fit, somebody whose style works for you and who has experience working with the kinds of issues that you are dealing with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4nnyvc", "comment_id": "d45gixm"}, {"question": "Cannabinoids and the prefrontal cortex.", "description": "Hi guys. Thought I'd share this review paper in here. \n\nhttp://www.cogsci.ucsd.edu/~pineda/COGS260/marijuana/Cannabinoids%20and%20PFCtx.pdf\n\nIt's a bit of a read, but I find knowing the physiological basis for my feelings helps me work through them a bit better when I'm getting mad cravings. Like a lot of people, I found myself with some memory & attention problems after I started smoking regularly. Knowing there's a bit of science out there confirming that there is a relationship between the losses in memory/behavioural function I experienced and my weed use really motivates me to refrain from smoking, in the hopes that I can slowly improve these things if I work at them...\n\nHope someone out there finds this helpful. Please hit me up if you find any reliable resources regarding marijuana and depression, as well as motivation! Thanks guys.", "answer": "It's not long term, and isn't serious. Youl be okay after a little while when it clears", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3wwvz0", "comment_id": "cxzptmo"}, {"question": "Just been prescribed sertraline (zoloft) 50mg and feel weird", "description": "Hey guys\n\nAfter many many years of persistent depression I've just started taking sertraline and I feel as though I've had ecstasy. My jaw is clattering away, my eyes keep bulging, I'm restless as hell and I'm chatting so much shit my girlfriend keeps looking at me like I'm a mong. \n\nI know its probably because my serotonin is so low in the first place this feels like a rush but have any of you had similar experiences? \n\nCheers x", "answer": "Yo, I had the SAME exact reaction. I was on it for 3 days experience what I felt was mild tripping. I felt so out of control and told my Dr about it who said \"hmm thags weird but should be normal soon\" \n\nI stopped taking it because I ultimately could not handle it. There are better medications out there ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "44akjb", "comment_id": "czozb6j"}, {"question": "Need help on blood results", "description": "I am white Scandinavian male aged 28, weighing approx 70 kilos, with a height of 182 cm. I am not on any meds, nor do I have any diagnoses. I am physically fit with six pack and all that, though I do a lot of computer work and will soon start working our more actively at a gym.\n\nRecently I have been feeling incredibly fatigued. I get up in the morning, have breakfast and instantly feel like going back to bed or at least lying down. I have had dizzy spells or at least this zombie mode forcing me to go home from the cafes I usually work at. I am so tired nowadays that I cannot go out with friends. I have cold clammy hands and cold feet -> possibly bad circulation?\n\n[Results from blood test](https://pastebin.com/ETFwp7E5)\n\nI could use your opinion on whether or not I might be lacking in vitamin D or something. \nI know my values are apparently within the min / max, but what might be causing my symptoms?", "answer": "I would guess that your symptoms are caused by something not showing up in that bloodwork.\n\nHow long have you had these symptoms? Did they start suddenly or gradually?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b7jiy", "comment_id": "dx4vp5y"}, {"question": "Follow up post with more detailed symptoms described. I'm getting really scared.", "description": "I have the following symptoms which I found in http://schizophrenia.com/earlysigns.htm \nThis is a follow up to an earlier post [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/schizophrenia/comments/2d1j6g/i_have_a_lot_of_symptoms_but_no_hallucinations_or/), but I thought I\u2019ll go into more detail as I\u2019m getting increasingly worried. As I said in my previous post, im 18, a male, no family history that I know off.\n\n- blank, vacant facial expression. An inability to smile or express emotion through the face is so characteristic of the disease that it was given the name of affective flattening or a blunt affect. (not too serious)\n\n--Overly acute senses- lights are too bright, sounds are too loud. (recent)\n\n--Staring, while in deep thought, with infrequent blinking. (done this since young)\n\n--Clumsy, inexact motor skills (had this since young)\n\n--Sleep disturbances- insomnia or excessive sleeping (been swinging between 2 to 12 hours sleep per night relatively unpredictably)\n\n--Involuntary movements of the tongue or mouth (facial dyskinesias). \n\nGrimacing at the corners of the mouth with the facial muscles, or odd movements with the tongue. (started 1 or 2 years ago)\n\nAn awkward gait (how you walk) (had this since young, getting worse though)\n\n--Movement is speeded up- i.e. constant pacing (not often)\n\n--Movement is slowed down- staying in bed (in extreme cases, catatonia) (no catatonia but I often feel very lethargic for no apparent reason)\n\nExamples of Feelings/Emotions----\n\n--The inability to experience joy or pleasure from activities (called anhedonia) (don\u2019t enjoy almost all things that I used to like and havent found anything new, feels like they are now distractions, not things that I actually like doing)\n\n--Sometimes feeling nothing at all \n\n--Appearing desireless- seeking nothing, wanting nothing\n\n--Feeling indifferent to important events\n\n--Feeling detached from your own body (depersonalization)\n\n--Hypersensitivity to criticism, insults, or hurt feelings\n( all of these started 1 or 2 years ago and seem to come and go lasting a couple of weeks to a couple of months each time. sometimes its really bad sometimes its bearable)\n\n\nExamples of Mood----\n\n--Sudden irritability, anger, hostility, suspiciousness, resentment\n\n--Depression- feeling discouraged and hopeless about the future\n\n--Low motivation, energy, and little or no enthusiasm\n\n--Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation (almost attempted suicide at one point)\n\n--Rapidly changing mood- from happy to sad to angry for no apparent reason (called labile mood)\n\n(All of these started the same time as the feelings and emotions symptoms)\n\nChanges in Behavior associated with schizophrenia ----\n\n(I\u2019ve managed to keep my life pretty functional but I can relate to many of them)\n\n--Dropping out of activities and life in general (lost interest in music, gaming, reading, things that use to interest me a lot)\n\n--Social isolation- few close friends if any. Little interaction outside of immediate family. ( I actually have quite a lot of friends, however I feel that many of them are going from friends to mere aquaintances, compared to 3 years ago, I feel a lot less close to many friends, I had about 4 people I would have felt comfortable talking to about possibly having schizophrenia, my mother, my brother and 2 friends, now I feel like I have no one. It just seems like they all stopped talking to me of their own volition. Like if I wanted to talk to any of them I needed to initiate, and they just seemed detached, like they don't want to be talking to me) \n\n--Becoming lost in thoughts and not wanting to be disturbed with human contact (spend a lot of time by myself not doing anything besides thinking)\n\n--Replaying or rehearsing conversations out loud- i.e. talking to yourself (very common sign) \n(One of the thing that scares me the most, I\u2019ve always talked to myself a little bit but they were conscious efforts, I find myself having an internal monologue now almost constantly which I sometime have out loud. i also have possible future conversations almost unconsciously, like ill be thinking of who I might have to talk to later and start talking to myself unconsciously rehearsing for said conversation) \n\n--Lack of goal-directed behavior. Not being able to engage in purposeful activity\n\n\n--Deterioration of academic or job-related performance (managed to keep my grades ok but effort and motivation has deteriorated tremendously in past years)\n\n--Inappropriate responses- laughing or smiling when talking of a sad event, making irrational statements. (not sure if it\u2019s a coping mechanism, I tend to laugh/smile when talking/thinking about my own personal problems, just feels like it makes it less stressful)\n\n--Drug or alcohol abuse (fucktons)\n\n--Smoke or have the desire to want to smoke (70-90% do smoke) - note: this is a very normal behavior for people who do not have schizophrenia also! (I love smoking)\n\n--Frequent moves, trips, or walks that lead nowhere (not sure about this, I often get walk out of my room and walk down the hallway before I realised that I have no destination. Not sure if its just absent mindedness)\n\n-Ruminating thoughts- these are the same thoughts that go around and round your head but get you nowhere. Often about past disappointments, missed opportunities, failed relationships.\n\n--Directionless- lack goals, or the ability to set and achieve goals\n\n--Lack of insight (called anosognosia). Those who are developing schizophrenia are unaware that they are becoming sick. The part of their brain that should recognize that something is wrong is damaged by the disease. (I didn\u2019t think there was anything wrong with me until I read the article and found I could relate to a lot of the early symptoms)\n\n--Racing thoughts (happens quite often) \n\n--In conversation you tend to say very little (called poverty of speech or alogia) (with old friends I don\u2019t get this, but with newer people its been happening more and more)\n\n--Suddenly halting speech in the middle of a sentence (thought blocking) (done this since I was little)\n\n--Difficulty expressing thoughts verbally. Or not having much to say about anything. \n\n--Difficulty focusing attention and engaging in goal directed behavior\n\n--Poor concentration/ memory. Forgetfulness\n\n(I\u2019ve always had memory problems, but the concentration issue started ~3 years ago)\n\n\nAs for delusions I don\u2019t really have too much, I sometimes think people are watching me when I\u2019m alone, like they can see out through my eyes sometimes and hear what I can hear, so I don\u2019t do things that I don\u2019t want them to see, or I\u2019ll talk to myself to explain to whoevers watching why im doing something. I sort of understand that that\u2019s silly but it\u2019s something that comes and goes since I was young. The feeling that people are looking through my eyes and whatnot have been getting stronger and much more frequent now. Whenever I\u2019m alone is when it usually starts. I thought that someone I knew was in love with me for a while but I think that was just wishful teenage thinking. Sometimes I think that the universe is trying to tell me something, Like I was in a class some time ago (I\u2019m first year uni) and I saw some writing on the whiteboard which said \u201cHelp is always available if you need it\u201d talking about tutoring and thought it was a sign that I should seek help. (hence this post)\n\nAs for hallucinations, I don\u2019t think I have any. No real ones anyway. I almost constantly hear music in my head but I think its more a case of music getting stuck in my head than hallucinations, like I know it\u2019s not real. It\u2019s not a real sound if you know what I mean. I have tinnitus at 18, I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s at sign, I never really went through much ear trauma that I know of. Listen to music at an acceptable level etc, went to a few concerts/clubs in my life but nothing crazy. Nothing that would cause tinnitus at such a young age. I\u2019ve been meaning to get it checked for a while but haven\u2019t. overacuteness of the senses is definitely something that\u2019s been starting for a while. I listen to music much softer now, have my computer/phone brightness much lower etc. sometimes just conversational voices indoors seem too loud to me.\n\nSo guys. Could you please help me out? This is about everything I can think of. I don\u2019t entirely want to go to a doctor as I\u2019m still on my parents health insurance so I don\u2019t want them to see that I\u2019ve been seeing someone for schizophrenia, they\u2019re old school and look down at people with bipolar/depression/schizo as attention seekers or whatever. Men have to be men right? Hahahahaa. Anyway. Please helpz\n", "answer": "Frankly, those symptoms you listed sound more like depression, anxiety, and/or ADHD could be the more likely culprit. It is common for people with chronic anxiety to fear \"becoming schizophrenic.\"\n\nStop reading up on symptoms. Anyone can find something online and convince themselves that they have it.\n\nTardive dyskinesia is a side effect of prolonged use of anti-psychotics, not from schizophrenia itself. \n\nThe fact that you think you are experiencing anosognosia means that you aren't experiencing anosognosia. \n\nYour heavy drug use could very well explain many of the symptoms you are complaining of. Many of those problems you listed could either be caused by or are definitely being made worse by substance abuse. If you don't like those problems, try to find a way to quit that substance abuse. Also, heavy nicotine use can actually exacerbate depression symptoms. \n\nSeriously, most of this stuff screams depression and/or ADHD, but Schizophrenia is not likely the culprit. However, I am not your doctor, only he/she can make that determination. If these issues are bothering you, go seek out some professional help (and lay off the substance abuse).", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "2d4qf7", "comment_id": "cjn2a3e"}, {"question": "Request: Pica Cravings", "description": "I'm an adult who's had pica, ocd, and ptsd since childhood. I developed arfid a couple years back after the ocd got worse. Managing things has become easier but recently I'm craving ice, coffee beans, toothpaste, and parafin wax. Any adults ever overcome pica or experienced it alongside other eds? Thanks!", "answer": "I have worked with a lot of patients suffering from eating disorders, and I even wrote my dissertation on EDs, but pica is far too often overlooked, especially in the research. I do not currently work with the ED population, but I do see it fairly often, probably because I do work in inpatient psychiatric settings.\n\nI'm going out on a limb here, but has any mental health provider (e.g, psychologist, psychiatrist, GP, social worker, etc) ever mentioned a purely behavioral approach towards the cessation or treatment of your pica? I'm talking Classical and Operant Conditioning. I'm just thinking out loud (or typing) here, but the goal is to unlearn or modify a behavior that you want to stop, but can't for whatever reason(s). By pairing, say, parafin wax with a naturally aversive stimulus, the strength of your desire to eat wax would lessen/decrease over time. With operant conditioning, there are certainly methods of reinforcement/punishment that could be individualized to target your specific behaviors. \n\nWhat might be tricky is tackling the array of items you find appetizing, and that the list of these items may not be exhaustive. Creating a hierarchy of the most harmful and appealing down to the least harmful and take them or leave them items might be a possible approach. \n\nI just want to point out, I am a clinical/forensic psychologist, I am not an expert in purely behavioral approaches, but I have received plenty of training. I found your case interesting, and I can only imagine how you and many others must feel about living with this. I just wanted to offer a potential suggestion, which may or may not turn on a lightbulb in your or someone else's head. \n\nI wish I could have been of more help, but I do wish you the best.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "ecrslx", "comment_id": "fcai5f6"}, {"question": "How to Prep for Psychiatry Appt?", "description": "Hi everyone, \n\nI tend to second guess myself before appointments with a psychiatrist, and I'm trying to go in to my appointment Friday prepared. \n\nThe situation is: I saw this psychiatrist a few times nine months ago, then I went to rehab where a GP managed my meds, and now I want to start working with her again. What pushed me to make the call was I had this strange \"flare up\" of anxiety, then depression... it only lasted a week (been better last few days). Otherwise, I've been pretty stable. \n\nI have a therapist, group therapy, and a \"emotion diary card\" that I fill out every day (ranking the primary emotions 0 - 5). Most of the anxiety or sadness I experience generally relates to circumstances and isn't an ever-present thing. How can I possibly say if I need a med change, being that my mental landscape is the only one I know? (See, it's confusing!)\n\nHow to go into this effectively? Thank you in advance!! Even minor tips appreciated.", "answer": "Just be very honest with your history and what's been going on. They may make some changes, they may not. The absolute most important things when talking to a psychiatrist are as follows\n\n1. Always be honest with your psychiatrist, especially about any suicidal/homicidal ideation.\n2. Always be completely honest about whether you have followed medication recommendations and have taken meds as prescribed. Make sure to let them know if you often forget or skip days.\n3. Be up front with your psychiatrist regarding any concerns you have about medication. Remember, just because a psychiatrist recommends something or prescribes certain medication, doesn't mean you have to take it if you don't want to (though you probably should if you trust them). If you are concerned about certain side effects, want to titrate down, or simply don't want an increase, let them know. A good psychiatrist will work with you on this. \n4. Lastly, always be 100% honest regarding the frequency of drinking/drug use as this can have a huge impact on the effectiveness of medication and could make the use of some medication extremely dangerous. \n\nIt's hard to imagine because we put doctors and psychiatrists on a pedestal believing they always know best. After spending years in the field and working with a number of psychiatrists, I've come to realize, it's just a trial and error type thing based off a highly educated guess that is based off of what you tell them. This is why complete honesty is key.\n\nHope this helps and good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6voo89", "comment_id": "dm27h99"}, {"question": "Aneurysm Question", "description": "ssions. Please include:\n\nAge - 22\nSex - M\nHeight - 5'9\nWeight - 130 \nRace - White\nDuration of complaint - 2 months\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - Ohio, right eye\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - None\nCurrent medications (if any) - None\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example) /\n\nI was curious: If an unruptured aneurysm were causing eye pain, would it be constant, or could it be made worse by things like exercise or sodium intake? Would it cause a pressure type feeling before pain? Would it cause nausea?", "answer": "These are theoretical questions which are hard to answer in general. Are you worried you have a brain aneurysm? What are your complaints?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbfbk7", "comment_id": "ekj94uw"}, {"question": "I [25/m] feel I'm setting too high of expectations with my gf [24/f].", "description": "(Sorry if this is long, I wanted to be thorough)\nWe have been dating for 2 years, 4 months, and for the most part it's been an amazing relationship. We get along really well and truly value and love each other. However, I often find myself at times doubting whether the relationship is truly okay, mostly due to our differences in the amount of affection we give each other. I'm a very affectionate person, usually showering with compliments and gifts and overall positive affection towards my gf. She, on the other hand, is a bit more reserved when it comes to showing affection, in which she is a very affectionate person, just a lot more subtle than I am. This is leading me to constantly feel that there's something wrong between us, and that she's not giving me as much affection as I would like. I've tried to address this to her before, and she's communicated to me that she feels that the amount of affection she gives me is \"never enough,\" for me, and that I'm just trying to find a problem. I acknowledge that I may be setting an unrealistic expectation, and I'm sick of trying to argue this with her. I need help in trying to find a balance between us so that we're both content.", "answer": "You can't expect her to be who she's not. Chill. Be yourselves. If she thinks you're too affectionate, she should tell you \" not now\". This chasm can be crossed.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ssidl", "comment_id": "dlfgnf1"}, {"question": "When is it time to move on to a new therapist?", "description": "Beyond inappropriate or unprofessional behavior, when have you realized it's time to move on and either find another person or take a break?\n\nThe idea of starting from scratch is tough but I'm wondering if it'd be worthwhile to try to find someone with a different approach, or if I need to work harder. How have you made that call and was it worthwhile?", "answer": "I had a good run with my old T. I think she got too comfortable with me, because she talked about herself too much, like I was a friend, when I needed it to be all about me.\n\nI realized I wasn\u2019t looking forward to our sessions anymore when I have always done so in the past with not only her but anytime I was in therapy. I made a switch and am very happy with my new T.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bcnnjl", "comment_id": "eks4xwe"}, {"question": "How long to see a Psychoanalyst?", "description": "I\u2019ve seen a cognitive behavioral therapist in the past on and off for about 4 years, it helped momentarily but my problems were deeper than CBT could handle.\n\nNow I\u2019ve been seeing a psychoanalyst since the end of January, beginning of February 2018, but nothing feels different except my impatience and frustration levels with her have been growing. I don\u2019t feel like I am moving forward, I don\u2019t feel like I know what I\u2019m doing and her response is always just \u201ccome in and talk about whatever, you need to be patient, working through your trauma takes a long time, years.\u201d \n\nHow long do people usually see psychoanalysts? Shouldn\u2019t I feel better, at least a little, instead of progressively worse after a session? I was looking for relief, advice, tools to handle my depression/anxiety/trauma but I just feel more lost than before... how do you know it\u2019s working? Am I expecting too much at this stage? \n\nI need some advice because I am losing hope ", "answer": "I supervise a lot of therapists at a mental health agency where I work. This is a common topic that comes up and usually leads to a lot of debate and contention. Different modalities of treatment and personalities of therapists will influence how long they expect treatment to last. \n\n\nPsychoanalysts are typically taught and trained that the therapy process can and should take years. Psychoanalysis can work wonders for some people, but it's certainly not the only way. \n\n\nSome of my mentors and teachers from years ago used to tell us that if either you and/or the client can't tell a noticeable difference in their life or identify progress towards their goals after 1 year, something isn't working. Either the client is not putting in the work in and in between sessions, the therapist is not doing a good job, or the therapist no matter how competent may not be a good fit for the client. The ethical thing to do is to transfer the client to someone else. \n\n\nI, like many therapists, am a very eclectic therapist pulling ideas and interventions from various modalities: Existential therapy, CBT, ACT, Solutions Focused Brief Therapy, Mindfulness, psychodynamic therapies, etc. I tailor what I do in session to the clients individual needs rather than work from one rigid framework. You may benefit from working with a more eclectic therapist. \n\n\nI've also told my clients, friends, and anyone who asks about this type of thing my general rule. Give your therapist 3 sessions. If you don't feel like you click or that you are hopeful about progress being made, change therapists. Shop around until you find someone who's a good fit for you. In many cases, if you discuss this openly with your therapist, they should be willing and able to give you some good referral info. \n\n\nLastly, just for some perspective, while of course there are some exceptions, when I've met with new clients who were very invested in their therapy and had a ton of stuff going on, therapy lasted about 9-12 months. Therapy was weekly for probably the first 3 quarters of the time, then as they had just about met their goals, bumped to every other week to prepare to discharge. I've had some clients come back when they felt like they needed a bit of a tune up and might work with me for another 2-3 months to get things back in order or address a new issue. \n\n\nMy last piece of advice is to not get too caught up in searching for a therapist with a specific modality of treatment. Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and can easily connect with is by far more important than what mode of treatment they advertise. \n\n\nI hope things get better for you soon. Let me know if you have any additional questions. \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8slpfe", "comment_id": "e11ou8m"}, {"question": "PCOS with regular cycles?", "description": "Hello! I was told last year by my doctor that based on my blood tests- I had wonky LH to FSH ratios-, increasing facial hair and thinning hair on my crown, that I most likely had PCOS. She wouldn\u2019t perform an ultrasound as she told me it might not prove anything anyway as some people don\u2019t present with cysts. \n\nHere\u2019s the deal- even though I have a slew of other symptoms, my periods are regular, my testosterone is normal and I ovulate regularly. I know that this is not typical with a PCOS diagnosis, so I\u2019m wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed while not experiencing irregularity? Is it possible I am misdiagnosed?\n", "answer": "The PCOS diagnosis is broad. Typically, other adrenal, hormonal and thyroid conditions should be ruled out first before arriving at it, but you probably still qualify per your description. Did they check your glucose / A1Cs? I think women within normal weight ranges can still be insulin resistant. \n\nAs an aside, my understanding is that the bowel issues with luteal and menstrual phases come with excess estrogen or an out of whack estrogen progesterone ratio. Instead of just your uterus cramping, it also sends messages to your digestive tract to cramp too. I\u2019ve read that supplementing with flax can be good for this (I follow the FLO living protocol).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8qgdi8", "comment_id": "e0j8r1f"}, {"question": "22M - Cutting off FWB 19F", "description": "I have been sleeping with said girl for around 2-3 months now, but I've started becoming increasingly attached and I don't think it's wise to continue with the relationship. I'm on Christmas break from university at the moment, but when I go back I think I need to cut things off with her, there's just a few thing that I'm struggling with.\n\nFirst of all she may not be interested in me anymore like that, but I guess that's just something I'll have to judge for myself.\n\nFor the record, I don't want a romantic relationship with this girl. I can be a very jealous person and have realised that having an FWB that's in your social circle isn't a good idea. \n\nI want to cut things off with her, but I would like to spend one more night with her (probably sounds quite selfish, but there you go). I was planning on talking to her at some point when I return, more than likely when we are at a party and telling her that I don't think we should carry on with this, but she's welcome to stay for the night if she wanted to.\n\nI spoke to a friend about this and he suggested that the above wasn't a good move and would probably be received badly. He said that I should act as if nothing is wrong and spend a night with her, and then speak to her a few days later to say that I think we should stop sleeping with each other for a while.\n\nI really don't know what the best solution is here, well, I guess the best solution is to cut things off without sleeping with her! But there's a part of me that's telling me that's a really good idea, and one I'm finding hard to ignore haha.\n\nAny thoughts or advice would be much appreciated, thanks!", "answer": "i would just tell her now, otherwise you're using her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mss38", "comment_id": "dc61irf"}, {"question": "Advice please", "description": "Okay. So, 2 years ago after a 2 1/2 year relationship and knowing each other 17 years (I am 36, he is 34) my boyfriend and I split up. It was my fault. There was an infidelity on my part about a year into the relationship. It wasnt a long term thing. It lasted 2 weeks and we never slept together. I told him immediately and we tried to work it out for another year and a half but our insecurities caused problems and we ended up breaking up. That was 2 years ago. In the 2 years since then, we have started this on and off sexual relationship. Well sleep together for a month and then he'll push me away for some random reason (like he'll say I asked him a stupid question or something). Then we won't talk for anywhere from a week to a month and a half and then suddenly we'll start talking and sleeping together again. About 2 weeks ago we started sleeping together and hanging out again. He initiated the conversation and then invited me over and it just went from there. When it started he was texting me good morning every morning and chatting me up during the day. Now he's back to hardly talking to me. He'll text me back if I text him but he doesn't initiate it. I want us to move past this relationship into an actual relationship but I'm not sure how to do that. I don't wanna approach the topic because he'll get mad and say I'm pushing and then he'll pull away all together. I'm still head over heels in love with him and I feel like he still loves me too because he keeps coming back but maybe he's scared to have a real relationship with me again? What do you think? Am I just being used or is it possible that he does feel the same? What should I do? How can I move us towards a relationship without pushing? I really need some advice. Please.", "answer": "go to counseling together and work this out one way or another once and for all", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5p0ezp", "comment_id": "dcnhrxy"}, {"question": "Can I (26F) do something about this bad cycle with my boyfriend (26M)? Or am I just too demanding?", "description": "When I (26F) am upset or want to talk about something and send a text to my boyfriend (26M) of 6 years he says it's hard to talk over text, and I can understand that, so I'll stop texting about it and wait to talk later. We live together but he travels sometimes for work, and we don't necessarily have many hours together in the evening. This is probably why I feel the impulse to text him - otherwise, when will be the next opportunity to tell him what I'm thinking about? I don't want it to fester.\n\nBut in his hours at home it seems like my boyfriend wants to relax and he doesn't get back to me on whatever I mentioned during the day, unless I bring it up again and press the issue, which is getting harder to do. Ironically (seeing as I'm doing this emotional labor), one thing I want to talk about is whether he could be more considerate and engage in the emotional labor of the relationship. I'm tired and feel like a nag. Negative things are building up inside as he forgets or doesn't want to talk, and I get progressively more resentful. It's impacting how I behave with him.\n\nHow can I break this vicious cycle? I've told him that I'm feeling strained, that I wish he would reach out more, that we've gotten into a bad pattern of interacting and I'm trying to think of ways for us to reset, and get back to all the reasons why we're together. This hasn't elicited much help - he says I'm too demanding, and will never be satisfied. It sounds like he thinks things would be fine if I stopped having problems in the relationship and were more easygoing. When he does listen to me talk then he is being generous towards me, and I shouldn't expect him to have any response.", "answer": "This is a terrifically articulate, thoughtful post. He's not prioritizing communication and emotional sharing the way you need him to. If you've hit a roadblock trying to discuss this, I would definitely recommend couple therapy. If he refuses that, than he just might not be the kind of man you want to be with. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e84d5", "comment_id": "di8at6z"}, {"question": "I just want you to comfort me", "description": "Maybe I'm too sensitive. Some things get me and I just can't help it. But when I break down in tears, I expect you to be there. To comfort me and ease me out of it. Not to complain about why I didn't say I was feeling like shit before and start a passive-agressive rant.\n\nI don't know why I still hope one day you will actually be there, no judging involved.", "answer": "It is important to be upfront with what we need and what we expect; however we can't be upset when the answer is no. We only have control over what we do and how we react.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fk0yp", "comment_id": "d29l3rw"}, {"question": "Don't know what to do (advice)", "description": "So i met this girl around 2 years ago, we just now decided to do something about it. Although we have always been intimate it wasn't a constant relationship more of a fling. I try talking to her but most of the time i either receive an ok or yes, or some type of emoji for an answer, most of the time i have to make conversation just to talk. She lives close by but has her dads house next to mine and that is how we met. She told me that she wanted to be with me but that she couldnt, and after i expressed that i would do anything including talking to her dad about it she accepted it although when talking about it she mentioned to keep it quite between us and the people who knew already. I did not think much of it and I'm probably overreacting but i just can't figure out if she truly wants to be with me or she said it just to be nice, keep in my that I'm 4 years older, 20 and she's 16. I don't know how this will be received but if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it.\n\nPs i should also mention that the night she told me that she wanted to be with me she also told me that if i found someone that made me happier to go for, to which i replied the same thing. And yesterday i clarified that i was not going to go around going out with girls. That it would only happen if it occurred naturally. ", "answer": "She seems ambivalent about wanting a relationship. Not surprising, give her age.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tmola", "comment_id": "dllyrg6"}, {"question": "It's been 11 years but apparently my ex is still stalking me", "description": "I just need to say this and there's no one in my life I can tell. \n\nI have this horrific ex; we were engaged, we had a kid (who died), it was this whole thing 11 years ago. He was incredibly, terrifyingly abusive, in literally every sense of the word, and at one point held me hostage. We were together for 18 months, 11 years ago.\n\nWe've been through 4 criminal cases and 5 restraining orders. He's been in and out of jail I don't even know how many times. He's managed to find me eventually after each time, and followed me home from work, or broken into my apartment while I was home, etc etc etc. It's been this whole big thing.\n\nLast August he started calling me from prison (he was doing a 4 year sentence for sexually assaulting his 15 year old sister because what the ever-loving hell is wrong with this world) and writing letters despite a no-contact order. He'd call over 20 times a day sometimes if I didn't pick up, it was this thing. Got bad, I ended up in a psych ward this summer because pills are a thing you shouldn't take too much of. Got therapy, was able to cut contact on my end. He still called all the time but it's been since before the hospitalization that we've actually spoken. \n\nHe hasn't called in 33 days. I've been feeling kinda messed up lately because I knew he was due to be released two weeks ago and currently, he obviously knows how to get in touch with me. But it was two weeks and nothing and today I was actually having a conversation with myself about how it might finally be over, you know? \n\nI've gotten two phone calls in the past two hours from a number I don't know. Ten minutes ago I just got a text from the same number: \"I just got released today. Call me back.\" \n\nIt's totally him and I'm totally freaking out and there's no one I can talk to. It's Christmas, I'm visiting family tomorrow, my parents and my aunt and my sisters and my grandmother, all these people who love and support me through all of this and who I cannot possibly tell because it's Christmas and this is supposed to be resolved and over by now and I can't keep doing this over and over and I'm tired of hurting them and I don't want Christmas to be all about how my life is suddenly falling apart again and everyone being scared and concerned for me.\n\nI just needed to tell someone. I have no idea what to do right now, except go to bed because I have to work in the morning and then drive 4 hours in a giant snow storm. I just needed to tell someone. I hope it's okay to post this here. Thanks.", "answer": "Holy fuckballs, please do pardon my french but that's beyond upsetting and you *do not deserve any of that* and ***THAT MAN IS A SICKO***\n\nI actually had to get a restraining order as well, and after one of many really traumatic violations I ended up moving 2000 miles away. He tried to set my childhood home on fire and made some really vulgar sexual threats. Luckily a security guard overheard and he was ejected immediately. But he's found me twice, 2000 miles away twice now. A last year my neighbor *in Seattle* called the cops because he sat in his car in our driveway all day. \n\nI did call the police probably a dozen times, and went through the whole process of a trial, and a University hearing, and I would urge you to think deeply about it. The culture in America right now is very misogynist--whether they'll admit it or not. I worked in the data office for my University (Yale) my junior year (they recorded everything for grant purposes, or so I was told) and out of the literally *several hundred* gender based and sexual assault, abuse, and harassment cases officially reported by staff for the fiscal year of 2001, only 10 resulted in guilty verdicts and consequences. I was furious. I literally fucking quit. I told them to shove their injustice up their ass. Sexual abuse and domestic violence is so personal, so victimizing, so vulnerable and sensitive, it takes such courage to admit and reach out for help and support. It's just not something that the average person is going to lie about. I mean I'm sure some sicko somewhere does, but that's a tiny tiny minority, that's not a binder full of people. \n\nI would honestly recommend to you, OP, getting a therapist. If you can't access or afford one, I'm actually legit a psychiatrist and while I can't legally give you medical advice via the internet, I would be happy to speak to you as a friend who can empathize and lend a caring ear and perhaps offer some helpful and well educated suggestions if you would be interested. But yeah, for sure definitely feel free to reach out. It's a horrible thing to have to live and cope with, and I feel like, even for therapists, the only people who truly understand are the people who've personally experienced it.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7lef4p", "comment_id": "drm8q3n"}, {"question": "I'm struggling with an issue that might put me in jail if I don't phrase it carefully. How do I ask for help without incriminating myself?", "description": "For obvious reasons, I won't say what it is, but I have this issue that I've dealt with for years now. It's consumed me and made me hate and doubt myself. I want assistance with this problem...but I also don't want to be arrested, either. I want to put the past behind me and move forward.\n\nHas anyone here dealt with a sensitive topic that *could* have resulted in legal trouble if you hadn't managed to convince a therapist you wanted help fixing it?\n\nEdit: I want to put here that I have never hurt anyone and I never want to. That's why I need help.", "answer": "Therapist checking in. I concur that if you\u2019re dealing with thoughts about, say, underage children, but you haven\u2019t acted on them and aren\u2019t planning to, you should be safe to tell a therapist. We are mandated to report child abuse and to protect people if we believe our patient plans to harm them; confirm this with the person you finally choose to disclose this to if it helps assuage your fear. \n\nPlease do get help, and take the time to try out some therapists who are a) trauma-focused and b) you feel comfortable with. \n\n(I mention trauma because I\u2019m just guessing you\u2019ve had some in your own youth). \n\nTake care. Shame dies in the light, you may feel find some relief simply in talking about what is disturbing you with someone who you trust. \n\nEdit to say that duty to warn and abuse reporting vary by state; again, confirm with your provider. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9y02t7", "comment_id": "e9x5d46"}, {"question": "I [35/M] feel like my psychologist [50/M] is being a bit possessive. Not sure if I'm overreacting.", "description": "I've been seeing my psychologist for about half a year now, twice a week, 2 hours per session. From the beginning, he agreed to do it for free as long as I was truly committed to improve myself and not give up half way.\n\nHe has done an amazing job, he has helped me overcome the issues I approached him for (Suicidal thoughts after having been in an abusive relationship, and a few more things). When I met him, my future seemed bleak, there was nothing to live for. He even helped me get a good paying job.\n\nIn the beginning, I was seeing him as a psychologist and a therapist somewhere else. I once had to cancel a session with him because I couldn't cancel the therapist. Later that day, he sent me an email asking why I canceled him and not the therapist instead.\n\nIt's been about a month since I realized I no longer \"needed\" his help. Now that I have no \"complaints\" or any issues to discuss, it feels like he's trying to dig for more stuff. He keeps trying to make me upset and resentful of my parents when I don't have any problems with them. He keeps criticizing me and anyone who has sex without having a deeper connection with someone (in other words, hooking up). He keeps repeating he's not my father but he's going to put his father hat on and starts judging me.\n\nI recently joined the gym and hired a trainer. I also found a workout buddy on Reddit and have been working out everyday from Monday to Friday. Workout buddy is very physically active (swimming, boxing, biking, etc) and I've been joining him. Meaning he's been taking a lot of my time. I canceled the last two sessions with my psychologist (in advanced) to see the trainer and work out with my new friend. I didn't tell him why the first time, and he sent me an email saying it was fine but even though he knows it's none of his business, he wanted to know the reason why. After canceling the second time, he sent me a long email telling me he was upset because I didn't keep my part of the contract about improving myself, that I'm having fun instead of improving myself, that I've let myself down, etc. It sounds like he feels he's being pushed aside.\n\nTo be honest, I really don't want to see him anymore but I feel obligated because of all the helped he has generously given me. At the same time, it feels like he's being a bit possessive but I also understand he cares about me, or at least I think he does and it's why he's been pushing me to do better. Am I overreacting here?\n\nTL;DR: Psychologist gives me sessions for free as long as I commit to improving. After half a year I don't need him anymore and he's upset.\n ", "answer": "Psychologist here, maybe I can be helpful.\n\nParts of this seem very weird to me, others less so. Offering free services for a long term client who is temporarily (at least in theory) unable to pay isn't that unusual, I've known people to do this. It has its pitfalls, absolutely, but still not too strange. You shouldn't feel indebted to him as a result, although I would understand why you might. It's also not uncommon for a therapist to feel like issues are glaring, while the client doesn't seem to see it as a problem. This happens a lot. HOWEVER, it is the therapist's job to guide the client, not badger and judge. Christ. Sometimes clients will never really \"get there\" in terms of understanding a connection you see, and you have to let that go. Maybe it really wasn't an issue, maybe they aren't ready, whatever. Let it go. I have a bigger issue with the judgmental attitude about sex, psychologists should know better than that crap.\n\nIt is weird to me that you're seeing him so much, 4 hours a week for 6 months is a ton. If you were my client, I would talk about maybe stepping down from that if you were feeling better. I can see how going from that frequency to none seems worrisome to him if you were initially in a very rough spot. I can understand how he's concerned about sessions being cancelled. But he's handling it so poorly. \"Having fun instead of improving myself\"??? That's terrible.\n\nI think he feels like you have things yet to accomplish in therapy, and is reacting poorly to the idea that you might not get to. He's seeming needy and dancing on boundaries. I'm sorry it's awkward, but doubt you can get much else out of his help. There is always some value in closure, but I'm not sure the benefits outweigh the drama here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3rhkvn", "comment_id": "cwok82e"}, {"question": "How do you keep that excessive chatter down?!", "description": "When my meds wear off, there\u2019s no doubt I can tell. But it\u2019s when I\u2019m in bed, needing to get a good night\u2019s sleep where it\u2019s really problematic. What techniques are good for controlling that unnecessary chatter in your head? Feels like my brain\u2019s going to explode at times. I just want to sleep please.", "answer": "Have you tried any type of mindfulness practice? There are many different ways to do it and I can give you some links if you want. Mindfulness is more challenging for us but can still be helpful. When I lay in bed unable to sleep, I try to focus on my breath and I think the word \u201cpeace\u201d on the inhale and \u201ccalm\u201d on the exhale. I usually find my mind drifting or the chatter starting and have to redirect myself back to the exercise multiple times but often (not always) I\u2019m able to do it and it can really help me go to sleep. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9zoqr3", "comment_id": "eaaug50"}, {"question": "How do I carry on conversations?", "description": "Hi, \nI recently started in a new high school. I have a few friends but I think I could have more if I could just have a regular conversation. All my attempts seem to not work. \nThey go something like this (I am the first one to talk):\n\nHi\n\nHello\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n \nThat's good.\n\nHow are you?\n\nGood.\n\nThat is the essence of almost all of my conversations. How can I talk better?", "answer": "I wrote an [online guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation). Maybe it will be helpful for you -- check it out! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "181ezj", "comment_id": "c8atzhz"}, {"question": "why am I so self consious about every single thing I do?", "description": "I feel as if I'm weird , I feel uncomfortable around people when they are looking at me dirrectly in the eye (eye contact). I feel like people think of me negatively and I shake or I nearly lose my voice and become really nervous any advice?", "answer": "Look:\n\n'Fear of judgment' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Fear to be weird' ? Dishonest.\n\n'Because you think people think more about you than they do' ? Closer to truth, but not quite.\n\nWhat's actually going on is that *you believe about yourself* that you are inadequate. You don't want others to find out. So you have something to hide. You have to hide your inadequacy because if people find out you're screwed; they'll abuse you, mock you, exclude you, reject you. That's what you believe subconsciously. So social contact, especially being looked at, is intimidating and frightening, risky, for that reason. You might be sad too, and unconsciously trying to hide the sadness as well, because that might make you 'weak', 'vulnerable'. So there's another thing to hide, another reason not to want to make eye contact, and to be 'self conscious' and check whether you are making enough eye contact, but also not too much, whether you are seeing signals that the other person is on to you in their facial expression or their gaze, etc. etc. This is all happening at lightning speed and usually pre-verbally, so you don't necessarily literally think all of this in words. It's a deeper belief.\n\nYou're not afraid people think of you negatively, truly. What you are afraid of, is that they find out how shitty a person you actually are. Because you believe you are. They call this projection.\n\nWhat I'd advise is starting to notice throughout the whole day, when you have negative thoughts about yourself going through your mind.\n\nMaybe also check [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/8a35if/how_to_not_let_other_people_control_your_mood/dx6b6th/) out that I wrote a couple days ago.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8byb81", "comment_id": "dxbjnje"}, {"question": "Friend(35/m) is being mentally and physically abused by wife (37/f). Does anyone have some insight?", "description": "I have a good friend who I\u2019ve known for a long time, a big, gentle giant, who has come out recently about the abuse his wife inflicts on him on a daily basis. We\u2019ve known about her mental instability for some time now, she threatens to kill herself a lot, threatens to kill him. She wound up in the psych ward for two weeks after he called the police on her (she called him while she was out of town and said she was going to off herself). And while my friend would talk about the mental abuse, screaming, demeaning, controlling, the works, he just opened up about the physical abuse. I\u2019m assuming he\u2019s never talked about this because of the stigma men face when assaulted by women. \n\nOne of the stories he shared that really shook me, was one that happened three days ago. She was angry at him and began to physically assault him so he left their house and walked out to a camper they have on their property. He locked her out so she stood outside for two hours screaming and beating on the side of the camper, threatening to light it on fire if he didn\u2019t let her in. Finally, she left, went to the house and calmed down but he said he was seriously worried for his life. \n\nBut the thing is, his wife is very professionally developed, she\u2019s an industrial safety auditor, she\u2019s on the road a lot, makes very good money and I just don\u2019t understand how she can have all these mental health issues that cause her to psychotically abuse her husband but can keep it together at work and not have issues. Obviously, something is wrong with her but I just can\u2019t figure it out. She hasn\u2019t been properly diagnosed but the topic of her being bipolar has been thrown around. But if she was actually bipolar wouldn\u2019t that also affect other aspects of her life? I've told him he needs to think of his health and safety and leave her, and while he's thinking about it, he still wonders if her mental issues can be fixed. I personally don't think so, it's been going on since they married he says (three years), but I just can't figure her out.\nAnd just to confirm, I've offered him all the help I can, a place to stay, referrals to counselors, and a shoulder to cry on.\n\nTLDR: My male friend is getting abused at home, the wife claims she suffers from mental instability, possibly bipolar disorder but has no problem keeping it together at work. I can\u2019t figure out if she\u2019s a narcissist or just a serial abuser? Does anyone else have a story like this, and can offer some insight?\n", "answer": "doesn't matter what she has. she needs to get help and he needs to be safe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzzwe", "comment_id": "dcv6894"}, {"question": "Major Depression, ADHD-Combined Type, PTSD from trauma, and Social Anxiety, what medication needs to go", "description": "Psych is at a loss when I ask her and i do live in a toxic controlling broken home so I don't know when Im better or not better and just entertainment.\n\nI was on high doses of adderall throughout law school and added lexapro 10 mg when i couldn't attend class anymore, it saved my life and helped me finish law school but i was lethargic and dumbed down not realizing the girl i was dating may have been doing drugs (she was beautiful so maybe i was thinking with wrong head), but my adderall dose may have been to high as well.\n\nMy psych took me off it and only gives me dexedrine spansules which are better and does give me an adderall 10 mg instant release once a day compared to the old 30 XR adderalls i took, less side effects and feeling more normal i guess. On Effexor XR 75 instead of lexapro 10mg which woke up my brain and prevented lexapro withdrawals more for sure and helped my sex drive, but i hear effexor xr 75 mg withdrawals are so bad it makes me want to quit it asap out of this fear. I'm also on wellbutrin xl 300 mg which I originally took to restore libido from what lexapro did to it.\n\nShe prescribed an adjunct off-label new med called rexulti for major depression too which helps according to my family but way too many meds right now. Yes, I'm waiting on bar exam results for a 4th time and got dumped by my ex gf of 4 years and was suicidially depressed but i'm doing better now after seeing psych. Where is the interaction causing anxiety here, what antidepressant should go and it for sure is the SSRI and SNRI that causes the significant change in my brain (oddly improves my sex drive either by curing major depression, or helps sober me up and think clearly).\n\nIs it all a trade-off? could just be a bad time in my life thank you", "answer": " Know you're asking for medication advice which I am not qualified to give; however, as a therapist I just wanted to ask what your therapy regimen looks like. If you are just relying on meds to get better it might not ever happen. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "72h5st", "comment_id": "dnihkxl"}, {"question": "Replacing Booze with Crappy Food", "description": "Just wondering if anyone else struggled with junk food after getting sober. Been sober over 8 months but I feel like I\u2019ve developed and worsened an addiction to crappy food. It\u2019s gotten real bad and is impacting my health both physically and emotionally. \n\nI\u2019m grateful to be sober but I\u2019m not taking care of myself and was wondering if anyone else struggles with their health, replacing booze with pizza sugar and fast food. Could really use that support.", "answer": "A bit poppy, but helps explain why the brain seeks other sources for dopamine when we remove alcohol. It's an addiction transfer, yes but one that's less destructive and not as multi faceted. \n\nhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-antidepressant-diet/201408/might-candy-now-be-the-answer-alcohol-dependence?amp", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dz2bmn", "comment_id": "f84vrkr"}, {"question": "Wait a minute does weed cause depression?", "description": "Got any sources to prove this?\n\n\nIve been toking for almost 15 yrs. Never daily, but these days im at my highest, a couple times a week. \n\n\nAlso battled depression for a long long time. \n\n\nWhats the link. Because i take days off i figure it is not such a big deal. But\n\n\n", "answer": "Weed doesn't typically cause long term mental health issues. What happens is after smoking weed for so long you start to lose the boundaries of mental health and sobriety and sort of forget what's normal sober and what's normal high", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "3y2ds2", "comment_id": "cy9z7zx"}, {"question": "ADHD, Tourettes, and OCD?", "description": "Anyone else here struggle with symptoms of all 3? My therapist said they're like a pyramid and all connected. I had many facial and vocal tics as a child, fortunately most of them went away with medication. I never looked in to any of the struggles i had growing up. Extremely poor executive function, failure to do my work in time and procrastinating, anger when rules weren't followed in a game, periods of increased irritability (irrational). Intrusive thoughts. Inability to focus in class. The list goes on. (All of these still affecting me). I am worried I'll lose my job as a software engineer because my weekly update has had nothing on it or is a repeated update from previous weeks. I seeked a therapist who said I have all three: ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes. I started on low dose Adderall, and am building up on Lamotrigine. Does anyone else have all 3? I get really frustrated because it seems so many have some sort of combination but I want to relate experiences with someone with all 3. Im 23 years old and am just overwhelmed getting the news that all the struggles I had growing up were not actually normal.", "answer": "I don\u2019t have Tourette\u2019s but I do have OCD and ADHD. My therapist has talked about how the symptoms tend to compound on top of each other and also impact the same areas of the brain.\n\nI have Pure O OCD so it tends to interact quite a bit with my ADHD. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7c1aar", "comment_id": "dpnbii2"}, {"question": "Is my therapist afraid of my depression?", "description": "Hi guys! My therapist (an expert in panic disorders) says he's reluctant to get started on the \"hard stuff\" in therapy because he's worried I'll become suicidal. I have a history of PTSD and depression/anxiety, but for the last month or so it's been much better and I'm feeling ready to get to work! It almost seems like he is afraid of my depression, or maybe is he out of his depth? Should I look for a new therapist? What do you think?? \n\nThanks so much!", "answer": "How long have you been in therapy with him? If it's not long, I'd say give it some time or at the very least, ask him what work the two of you need to do in order to tackle the depression piece and gauge what you think you need to do from there. \n\n\nAs a therapist, I've had countless clients come in and try to just dump out everything they've been holding in way too early (sometimes during the first session). Whenever I can, I try to get them to hold up, and explain to them that while I understand this is all really important to them and we WILL get to it, there are some things we need to do first. \n\n\nI need to make sure that they have a good set of healthy coping skills in order to manage feelings that come up while we're processing this stuff. It's not uncommon to initially feel worse immediately after leaving a therapy session, especially when you've gotten in to some deep stuff. It's important for me to know that the client will be able to cope with these feelings. Next, it's important that we actually have a relationship, that they see me as a person, and more importantly, see me as a person they can trust based off of more than just the fact that I'm a therapist. \n\n\nIf you've only been in therapy with him for a month or so, I'd say give it some more time, but like I said, ask him when and how he'll be ready to address this and under what circumstances. He owes it to you to be honest. Whatever his answer is, you can use that to decide if you want to find a new therapist. Keep in mind, what your impulses tell you that you want are not always in line with what you need or what would be best for you. In the end, trust whatever decision you make, but only after giving it careful consideration.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bgk22g", "comment_id": "ellfki2"}, {"question": "Anyone with PCOS have oily hair scalp?", "description": "Tried all the drugstore shampoos. Literally almost every one of them. Tried too many shampoos until my hair is dry and lifeless. Today I shampoo my hair and in the second day of my hair wash, my hair scalp gets itchy and buildup of oil and dirt. Can someone recommend some good shampoos that wont break the bank but also helps the scalp less oily?", "answer": "I just use dry shampoo on second day hair and there is no third day hair without a hat or something. LPT, 3 parts baby powder to 1 part baking soda is a decent dry shampoo. I keep some with all my hair products in the bathroom in a jar with an old fluffy make up brush in it. I give it a little swirl, tap off the excess and apply to my scalp. I do a really thorough scalp massage to distribute is well and it also builds a ton on volume. Also, yes I know it's ghetto, and the cans objectively do a better job but with the amount I use this makes sense.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "c3tu5b", "comment_id": "eru8eod"}, {"question": "Why do I always get shy around cute girls?", "description": "Every time I\u2019m with a cute girl, idk what happens, I just get shy and choke up and end up not saying anything, one example is the other day I was on a raft with my family, she was with hers, we all got put on the same boat and I sat right next to her but just couldn\u2019t gain the courage to say something, does anyone know how I overcome this shyness?!?!?", "answer": "Practice, practice, practice. Most folks are initially extremely uncomfortable around attractive members of the sex/gender they prefer. Everyone has some level of fear of rejection. \n\n\nYou just have to force yourself to push through the anxiety and talk whenever the opportunity arises. It will feel like hell, you may embarrass yourself a bit, but if you do it, you'll get better. If you don't force yourself to push through the anxiety, it will just get worse over time. \n\n\nI used to have pretty severe social anxiety, especially around crushes. Trying to repeat the statement to myself \n\n\"Doing something and embarrassing yourself is much better than doing nothing at all.\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8wln9r", "comment_id": "e1wfx5q"}, {"question": "Is it possible to catch any disease from the toilet", "description": "Day if someone didn't flush either their number 1 or 2 and it happens to splash up the hole. \n\nAlso if the penis happens to touch the rim or toilet seat where someone is infected with anything, STD, HIV, anything. ", "answer": "Conceivably yes, but you're probably more likely to catch an infection from a doorknob, then touching your mouth or eyes or nose or food. The world is full of viruses and bacteria, and skin is very rarely the way diseases get in.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8m1w3t", "comment_id": "dzkqpxv"}, {"question": "Hello! Skin care question :)", "description": "Hello all, I have just discovered this sub and reading through a few posts is making me so reassured , and yet dressed. It's so good to hear about other people's experiences, and for me to realise that I'm not unique. It's also terrifying in the scope. \n\nMy question is; since going off BC my skin is awful. I was only ever on the pill for my skin in the first place. \n\nI get spots on my chin and jawbone, and my shoulders and back. \n\nWhat recommendations do y'all have to help a 30 year old woman out who is feeling embarrassed \ud83d\ude29. ", "answer": "I use Acne Free, the three step one. I have to use it every morning and every night or things start getting out of whack. It's like $20 and widely available. \n\nI've tried tons of other things, proactive, stridex pads, the prescription acne topical meds, etc. This one works best for me. \n\nRemember that moisturizers are not the enemy. Part of getting extra oily is reactive to stripping all the oil from the skin. It feels dry from an intense cleanser and goes, \"oh no, we're too dry, make oil to fix the issue!\" Finding the right moisturizer for your skin is super important. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "67a7ku", "comment_id": "dgqfl4c"}, {"question": "Am I not worthy to be mexican?", "description": "My mom was in a bad mood and she took her anger out on me and my sister while eating. After that I was helping her and then I forgot the word in spanish and I tried to think quickly until my mom lash out on me, which she did. I knew what she going to say, and I knew it hurt so much hearing her say that to me. Then she says something that I never thought she say, \"What's the point of you going to Mexico, you know what, dont go! It's better for you not to go!\" That actually hurt a lot. My relatives lived in Mexico, and it actually hurt to think about that. I'm trying to improve my language so much but nothing really improve.\n My mom's right.\nI'm the only person in the family failing, failing to speak spanish. I'm just a disappointment! A disgrace!! Why am I born to be a mexican. It's better if I never existed.", "answer": "While your self worth being dependent on this aspect of yourself is something that I would speak to a counselor regarding, thankfully Spanish is pretty easy to learn if that\u2019s something you\u2019re interested. You do not need to learn Spanish to be a worthwhile human being. Not everyone with Latinx heritage needs to speak Spanish, just like not everyone with Irish background needs to speak Gaelic. \n\nThere are resources out there to help you learn the language if you decide that it\u2019s important to you, but despite the messages your family may be sending your value as a person is not dependent on your language of choice. There are good people who only speak French, good people who speak six languages, even good people who speak languages that are dying out.\n\nCommunication is important for human relationships and interaction, but there\u2019s so many different ways to communicate. The way you choose to is your choice alone. I hope you find the way that works for you and your family", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "ffq5c8", "comment_id": "fk0kks8"}, {"question": "Any other mental health providers on here? It\u2019s cliche, but my depression and chronic pain are making life incredibly difficult.", "description": "I am a 25 M, currently a a licensed counselor specializing in addiction treatment. Currently in a doctoral program and have been grateful for having a supportive family. \n\nI also have a ltr and it has been going very well. I am becoming increasingly apathetic, anxious and depressed. I am experiencing some psychotic symptoms as well and am worried about how to fix this. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist on a weekly/monthly basis. As a mental health provider I have the knowledge to understand the reasoning for my behaviors but this is only making it worse. \n\nI feel completely incompetent and that moment and that I am in someway self sabotaging. Not on a conscious level but I must at subconscious thinking be unhappy. I cannot logically explain my behavior. Perhaps the depression has just gotten so bad. ", "answer": "I understand how you feel. I\u2019m also a clinician and my depression has been causing me a lot of stress too. Could it be burnout or over working maybe?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "akfo0a", "comment_id": "ef4fvnf"}, {"question": "Why would the doctor request that my parents come to a routine appointment with me?", "description": "Hi,\n\nI'm 25 years old, male and am 5ft 5\" / 165cm, weigh in at 112lbs / 50kg / 8 stone, white and from the UK.\n\nI suffer with a fair bit of anxiety, I feel nauseous quite a lot and get a bit amount of acid reflux and that's pretty much all that is wrong with me. My blood tests & urine tests come back fine.\n\nMy parents mentioned the fact I feel nauseous quite a lot to the doctor during one of their appointments and he suggested that they accompany me to one of my doctors appointment in the future, it's not like I have an appointment scheduled with the doctor and this was well over 3+ weeks ago.\n\nWhy would the doctor want my parents to attend an appointment at some point in time. If it was anything serious they would have scheduled an appointment with me?\n\nAny suggestions / advice / thoughts would be welcome.", "answer": "Im a UK doc. Its probably just for collateral history and to get a good feel for your difficulties. You're still the patient though, and you dont have to abide by the advice.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75r2st", "comment_id": "do9curr"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F/22) keeps complaining about how skinny her friend has gotten, I (M/22) don't know what to say to her", "description": "My girlfriend has started saying to he how small her friend has gotten since she started dieting and working out. I have recommended if she is unhappy with her body she should join me on my diet and come to the gym with me, but she refused saying she is embarrassed to go to the gym. What should I do or say to her? It's becoming annoying hearing her complain about her friend getting skinnier.", "answer": "the friend should see a doc to rule out anorexia", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vz3cb", "comment_id": "de61r09"}, {"question": "Falling \"out of love\" with friends?", "description": "So from all you awesome people, i have learned it is a fairly common problem that ADHD people will get SUPER excited about a new romantic interest and quickly fall in love with them but then just as quickly fall out of love. I thankfully dont have that particular problem. But every once in a while, I make a platonic friend and I think they are the COOLEST thing ever. And then after some time, i realize I REALLY dont like them and dont want anything to do with them. Does this happen to anyone else? I feel bad for being so mercurial and confusing that person. It doesnt happen that often but when it does, i feel really bad for running hot then cold like that.\n\n", "answer": "It has happened to me many times. I found that I loved the \"future-potential\" of the friendship instead of the \"whats right in front of me\" relationship. Eventually expectations met reality which was blander. Friendships are an ever changing process. I find putting the consistent work into a friendship the most difficult ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7j6ei4", "comment_id": "dr41i5q"}, {"question": "Can anyone help diagnose my mother? (Mental health)", "description": "My mom and I have had a strained relationship for years. I\u2019m 22, and she\u2019s in her 50s. I know something is up because for as long as I can remember she\u2019s been different, difficult, and toxic. I want to know if this is deeper rooted in a mental illness (bipolar,depression) or if she\u2019s just toxic. Let me explain...\n\nMy mom was fine until I was about 12, when she separated from my dad. After that, she would do things such as the following:\n\n- tell me that my dad was a horrible person and even go as far as telling me his new girlfriends had stds, that they were skanks on welfare, that he would put their kids first and forget about me, etc. I was 12-16 at the time of this happening. It\u2019s also important to know my dad (and his partners) are wonderful.\n\n- I have a great paying job and I make very good money, however she always makes little side comments about how I\u2019m not aloud to complain about it because I make so much, or when I get birthday money from a family member she will say \u201cwow that\u2019s a lot of money\u201d and then mumble stuff like \u201cwhere\u2019s mine\u201d \u201coh of course I don\u2019t get any\u201d. She works a minimum wage job, but I pay for mostly everything of mine.\n\n- she talks to herself a lot, for as long as I can remember she talks to herself, almost always negatively. It\u2019s like she\u2019s telling someone else off but it\u2019s just to herself and recently it\u2019s gotten very loud. I\u2019ve confronted her about it and she always dodges it.\n\n- she has a lot of hatred towards her mother and siblings, claiming she was forgotten about when she was little. She hates my grandmother, and starts a fight whenever we visit claiming she\u2019s judging her or treats her like shit.\n\n- at family events she\u2019ll isolate herself and make unpleased faces or raise her eyebrows as if she\u2019s thinking negatively. Hard to explain but sort of like talking to herself without voicing it\n\n- she can snap at any moment, get very angry and scream at me if I say the wrong thing, and then be completely fine a few minutes later. She\u2019s never apologized to me, ever, for getting angry at me for no reason.\n\n- she calls herself dumb a lot, but I think it\u2019s out of rage to make me feel guilty. Not sure if she actually thinks that\n\n- when I ask her a question she either doesn\u2019t respond or takes 10-15 seconds to answer\n\n- when I accomplish something she either finds something negative about it or doesn\u2019t give me the praise I should be getting (ie. I just got the opportunity to sing in front of a huge audience, she congratulated me but then got angry at me because I\u2019m not taking her as my plus one. Now she won\u2019t come to support me even though I told her it means a lot) \n\n- if she look upset I\u2019ll ask her what\u2019s wrong and she\u2019ll get upset at me for asking, saying that I\u2019m always trying to make her feel bad or like a horrible person\n\n- the weirdest thing is that when we get in a fight and then she sees me texting after she says \u201coh so what, you\u2019re going to tell the whole family I\u2019m a bad person now? They must love that\u201d...but I\u2019ve never done that ever. I\u2019m Constantly asked to conceal my feelings towards her, to act like nothing is wrong to family, and to constantly defend her when my family tells me she is difficult\n\nI\u2019m sure there\u2019s more I\u2019m not thinking of, she\u2019s told me before she knows we have a strained relationship. I\u2019ve never done anything horrible to her. Even my boyfriend had witnessed her treat me like this and has said it\u2019s disgusting. I want to know if this sounds like a mental illness. If you have questions feel free to ask. Please help!", "answer": "Wrong sub. This is for medical doctors, maybe you should check one of the psych. subreddits.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7q4bw4", "comment_id": "dsmpd80"}, {"question": "Is this a normal taper schedule for Zoloft?", "description": "Age 24\nSex F\nHeight 5\u2019\nWeight 100lb\nRace White\nDuration of complaint N/A\nLocation (Geographic and on body) New England, USA\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) Anxiety\nCurrent medications (if any) Zoloft (see below)\n\nAfter careful consideration and discussion with my doctor I have decided to taper off of Zoloft. I have been on 100 mg daily since I was 14. I tapered from 100 to 75 and 75 to 25 by just switching from one dose to the next and then waiting about a month before taking the next step down. I had no discontinuation symptoms whatsoever during this stage. For the jump from 25 to 0 by doctor gave me a somewhat convoluted schedule where she wants me to take it every other day for two weeks then every three days for a week and then for some reason wait two days and then take one last pill. \n\nI\u2019ve done quite a bit of research online and spoken to people I know who have tapered off of SSRIs and I haven\u2019t seen any evidence for a tapering schedule like this. It feels to me like I\u2019m just messing my brain up by taking the medicine away and reintroducing it and then taking it away again over and over again. A week in and I\u2019m starting to have discontinuation symptoms- dizziness, brain zaps, and headaches. \n\nAnyways, my question is does anyone know if there is actually reason behind tapering this way? Is there proper research and evidence for this? Should I get a second opinion?", "answer": "There isn't much in the way of good data for SSRI tapers, period. Zoloft isn't entirely out of your system after one or two days, so there's some reasoning behind taking it on alternate days, but why not take 12.5 mg instead? If you really want a slower taper, you could use the liquid form and decrease by as little as you want at any interval.\n\nYou could get a second opinion and find someone who would encourage doing it differently, but again, there's not a lot of strong evidence. You'd find people to say that it's best to do it slower. You'd also find doctors who would (wrongly, in my opinion) say that it should just be a few days and done.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bl4w43", "comment_id": "emm06r2"}, {"question": "Does ADHD cause indecision?", "description": "I was diagnosed when I was 14 but never medicated. (Parents against psych meds.)\n\nI can't decide what I want to do when I grow up. I'm not talking about a normal level of hesitation. I feel like I hesitate for the sake of hesitation. \n\nWhenever I feel like making up my mind, some strange force in my mind brings me back to hesitation. \n\nIt's been like this for more than 5 years since I was 15. I am still undecided on major in college because of this. I need to declare my major soon.\n\n1. Is this an ADHD symptom?\n\n2. If yes, does medication get rid of indecision?", "answer": "Absolutely. Think about it this way: one aspect of ADHD is that it messes with the reward pathways in the brain. It prioritizes immediate and novel stimulation, and struggles with long-term, delayed gratification. The flip side of this is that people with ADHD tend to really struggle with tolerating discomfort and uncertainty, which leads to a lot of avoidance and distraction. \"Writing this paper is stressful. I'll refresh Reddit instead!\" \n\nMaking an important decision, especially one as significant as your career path, is *very* stressful. What is a surefire strategy to reduce this stress **right now**? To not choose anything. Even if the outcome is worse in the long-term, not deciding provides an immediate sense of relief that can be very compelling. Forcing your mind to contemplate something this stressful can be very hard, especially if your brain is doing its best to \n\nTo answer question #2: medication will not suddenly make you know what your major should be in college, unfortunately. It might, however, give you more control over wrangling your thoughts. It will then be up to you to think through your decision, sit with the fear and uncertainty, and make a choice (even if it's imperfect). Therapy and mindfulness meditation is also really useful for this part! ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6yntbo", "comment_id": "dmowkja"}, {"question": "Desperate advice on Distance and Drinking", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and to the point. \n\nJust seeing eachother. Dating. Not official. We live an hour apart. I am an insecure person (I know that should be fixed before being in a relationship.) The girl [27] likes to drink. I[27] don't like alcohol much. She drinks with guys, girls or alone three four times a week. I'm pretty anti social don't like hanging in groups. Especially when everyones gonna be intoxicated. I'm not going to tell her for things to work she has to change and can't hang with a guy friend in hot tubs getting drunk (which she did a couple days after we started talking) Also with me being anti social due to severe anxiety I fear her friends will often want us to go out and drink which my anxiety can't handle and will feel like a dick panicking begging to not have to go out. Does it seem destined to fail or something that can be okay with a bit of communication and work. \nAny advice or suggestions please? \nEdit - the reason I say desperate is because this would be the first relationship I will be in since moving to this new city. This girl is really great and very impressive. Great job, funny, well spoken. And more than any girl I've dated we have the most alike tastes in music and movies. There's so much potential but I'm worried about the jealousy and the opposite approaches to alcohol. which makes this not an easy decision.", "answer": "it's unlikely for a partying drinker and an introvert to forge something lasting.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw03x", "comment_id": "dhhvt9j"}, {"question": "Can the ER lie to you?", "description": "39M/175lb/5' 10\"/no medications/nonsmoker/no prev. cond.: no\n\nI went to the ER with COVID-19 symptoms on day 4. (Fever, shortness of breath, tightness in chest, coughing fits, lightheadedness, chills and sweats at night, high heart-rate) My state is low on tests. The nurses and doctors cleared all doubt of flu, pneumonia and the other usual suspects with my vitals, physical exam (stethoscope, etc), chest x-ray, and lots of bloodwork. They were still resistant to giving me a test. I made my case and the Doctor said \"If you feel strongly...\" I said I did, and she replied, \"OK, then\" and left. A little later, the nurse came back with a swab and in theory did the test. They said that I would only get a call for results, however, if I was positive. Further, my discharge papers have nothing about a corona virus test being performed or awaiting results. They also said it would take up to seven days to get any results, but prior to my visit, when I asked the ER on the phone how long it takes, they said 3-4 days. I'm thinking they were gaslighting me to get me out of the ER without a fight.\n\nCan the ER tell you they are doing a test, even pretend they're taking the sample, and then not have it done? Is that legal? Like a placebo procedure or something?\n\nWritten from home isolation.", "answer": "Discharge papers are imperfect, particularly when they're auto-generated and no one has likely updated to include coronavirus testing.\n\nCalling only for positive results is standard from the ED; the volume is such that they cannot call with all negative results.\n\nThis all sounds like normal procedure to me.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fnjece", "comment_id": "fla77xr"}, {"question": "Occupational vs Physical Therapy", "description": " I am female, 36, overweight, have multiple sclerosis, migraines, and a month ago I had surgery to remove a ganglion cyst from my left hand. Before surgery I played volleyball 3 times a week amd crocheted, though the crochet slowed down and really hurt because of the cyst, and here I am almost a month later and I feel like my wrist is fused because I can barely bend it... It's half because the skin is too tight and half because there's pain inside. I can't move my index finger with feeling like I'm ripping an internal zip tie open and tearing open my wound because th skin is that tight and you can watch it pull when I move. \n\nMy doctor has put in a referral for occupational therapy but the description I read when comparing occupational vs physical therapy makes me feel an occupational therapist will to help me accept this new state my hand is in now and I am to learn how to live with it. Whereas a physical therapist would be helping to move past it. And I sure as hell do NOT want to accept this! I had surgery to fix a problem not create a bigger one! It's killing me! \n\nAny advice? ", "answer": "I'm not in PMNR \\(physical medicine and rehabilitation\\), much less PT/OT. But here's my sense from a remove:\n\nPhysical therapy focuses on recovering or improving physical function. Occupational therapy focuses on recovering or improving practical ability to do activities. There's significant overlap but slightly different approaches. A physical therapist might work on hand exercises to improve hand function. An occupational therapist could also work on hand exercises, but more specifically geared towards the activities you want to be able to do. OT is more likely to incorporate assistive devices when appropriate, but they're not always appropriate.\n\nI don't know whether PT or OT is the better choice for you, but I do think that discussing it with your doctor or OT right from the start is likely to be fruitful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g8vhy", "comment_id": "dy9q8or"}, {"question": "Future mother in law driving me crazy.", "description": "So his mom is super sweet, but she goes on and on and on about everything. A very big explainer and will talk about stuff to explain something 16 different times before she moves on. And I don\u2019t know how to tell her I know what she means the first time without being rude. Also she has the worse country accent I\u2019ve ever heard so with her talking so much, it drives me insane being around her more than a couple of hours. I try not to let it bother me as much but she wears me down so much. What are some ways, I can make sure she doesn\u2019t drive me crazy? ", "answer": "Kill her with kindness and endure with patience. Only long-term option.\n\nJust repeat to yourself: \u201cI\u2019m glad I\u2019m marrying her son.\u201d", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9xzsds", "comment_id": "e9wrex9"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "The easiest and simplest answer is, No. Weed or any illegal drug use does not warrant breaking confidentiality. \n\nIt's a little more complicated because there could possibly be some situations in which use of THC may warrant breaking confidentiality but this would be in threats or risk of harm to self or other. Which I would say is extremely unlikely either weed. \n\nWhile the laws vary by state, yes, discuss it with your therapist! Some states even have drug use specifically protected so therapists cannot tell adult parents of a child's use without the child's consent. \n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ebyndbj"}, {"question": "7F Behavior Changes After Discontinuing Valproic Acid for Epilepsy", "description": "My daughter is currently 7yrs old, epileptic (\"generalized\", idiopathic), ADD/ADHD, PDD, 15q26.1 microdeletion (not inherited). She's still illiterate, has issues getting to the bathroom (has a lot of \"accidents\") and lacks some finesse in her fine & gross motor skills. She's also slightly bow-legged.\n\nShe's been seizure-free for over two years. When seizures initially presented, she was prescribed Topamax but it made her so dizzy she was unable to walk straight. She switched to a very low dose of valproic acid (maxed at 4mL 2/day).\n\nNo other regular meds.\n\nAbout six months ago, her neurologist felt safe in discontinuing her valproic acid. Even though it was what the doc considered an extremely low dose, we noticed a huge change in our daughter's behavior. She just seems more \"present\" and aware of her surroundings. A few times she's had mood swings (sadness and crying) seemingly out of nowhere but all other aspects have been positive. Her PDD-related delays notwithstanding, she's made major strides in language, communication, following directions, etc; it's as if she previously wasn't aware of what was going on around her.\n\nWhen she was 2-3yrs old, we always marveled at what a happy-go-lucky child she was, never crying or throwing tantrums. Without the medication, she seems like she's much more like what we expected from that history.\n\nSo, what gives? Valproic acid is also used for bi-polar so I can only assume there may have been a mood stabilizing effect of some sort but is there any explanation for the other communication-/social-related behavioral changes?", "answer": "Valproic acid can be seen as applying the break to all neurons (with the goal of preventing too much activity, although I must admit the exact mechanisms aren't fully understood). This is a rather course approach that will always have effects on many parts of functioning.\n\nMy hypothesis in this case would be that your doughter had her senses dulled (perhaps slightly) and this dullness has lifted after discontinuing the drugs.\n\nI think it's good that you are trying to understand. Being a parent of a child with a less common set of challenges often requires the parents to be very active when finding the right care in my experience.\n\nEdit: by saying it's a course approach, I don't mean to imply the decisions was taken lightly or wrongly, just that the medication doesn't specifically target the cause. Unfortunately it's often not possible to treat the specific cause.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9xlg9", "comment_id": "fiuvuau"}, {"question": "Not feeling real.", "description": "Does anyone have any tips I\u2019ve been dealing with depression and anxiety and some times I get so out of I don\u2019t feel real and it\u2019s a really scary feeling it feels like if your trapped behind your own eyes and just trapped in your head. I\u2019m going to therapy soon but I just need some tips to deal with it meanwhile.", "answer": "It's difficult to narrow down specific tips/suggestions/coping skills for the management of depression and anxiety, as they are quite broad. Plus, these conditions often present differently among people. You can try to see if progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, meditation, etc. may be a good fit for you. The subject of your post, \"Not feeling real,\" kinda makes me wonder if there is a history of trauma. If, or if not, google around for grounding techniques. They may be helpful to you as well. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I hope they may be of some use to you.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "e3186f", "comment_id": "f916v26"}, {"question": "Can I tell my therapist what mental illness I think I have if I think the diagnosis is wrong?", "description": "I feel really weird about asking reddit this but I\u2019m so tired of not having answers. \n\nI\u2019m a 19F almost 20. I was abused physically and emotionally throughout my whole life by my mom. My dad supported her abuse but did not abuse me himself, at least not consistently. He recently just divorced her because he had an affair, again, and now has a kid with the woman. He\u2019s a lot happier so that\u2019s not exactly where I\u2019m struggling. I\u2019ve been in and out of therapy for the past couple years, been trying different medications, and so on. But it just feels like nothing is helping and I wonder if it\u2019s because of a wrong diagnosis. I\u2019m diagnosed with GAD and MDD with ruleout PTSD. So I\u2019ve never actually been diagnosed with PTSD and I don\u2019t want to tell a therapist, I think I have it because I\u2019m not a medical professional and I just feel that it\u2019s weird. But, I really think PTSD-specific therapy, like EMDR, would help. Secondly, in high school while in therapy, my therapist told me if I kept going down the path I was going she\u2019ll have to diagnose me with BPD. That has been on my mind since. The more I study BPD the more I feel like I have it. But, I also don\u2019t know how to get help for it if I\u2019m not diagnosed. Basically, is it immature or irrational to tell a therapist what I think my diagnosis is?", "answer": "I find it way more helpful when the patient focuses on their symptoms rather than the diagnosis. I do lots of diagnosis, and sometimes it DOES matter . However, if you are suffering, THAT is what matters.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpbnma", "comment_id": "frl1aa3"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "de1hka0"}, {"question": "Things We Have in Common", "description": "I'm seeing a new therapist who actually sees a lot of people with this phobia apparently, I'm also in a weekly group where we meet and have beverages and cookies and tall about coping, its been a joy but as I've been going down this road I've found that a lot of us having these things in common:\n\nIBS (or a form of it) \nGeneralized Anxiety Disorder \nAcid Reflux (or GERD) \nFear of Choking \n\nThere are lots of other similarities, but almost everyone in my group (10 out of 12) have ALL of these things, myself included. I wonder how much is caused by this and how much is a precursor to this. Does anyone else have something you have found that you share with a lot of other folks like us? I'd be interested in hearing it.", "answer": "Anxiety can really fuck over your digestive system, so in my opinion, it makes sense that the emetophobia leads to IBS and acid reflux rather than the other way around. I know that my acid reflux really started up when my phobia got worse. Phobias are also common to \"spread\" into generalized anxiety disorder; as the feared stimuli/situations expand, the anxiety becomes pervasive!\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSide note, I was just on r/IBS and saw a post from a fellow emetophobe! We're everywhere.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ebp9xy", "comment_id": "fb9b9ih"}, {"question": "Zoloft/sertraline question", "description": "Hi all, ive been on sertraline for 5 yrs. I'm on 100mg. I need to up my dose, my anxiety has been the worst its ever been. My question is: can I cut a 50mg tablet into quarters? I want to up to 125mg, but every time ive tried the side effects have been too much for me. Could I cut 25mg in half, and take that for a week or to to ease myself up? Or how should I do this? I dont want to get addicted to xanax :( thanks in advance everyone", "answer": "You probably shouldn't be doing this on your own. Talk to your doctor. Sertraline tablets can be cut in half, though, and it also comes in a liquid form if you want extremely fine control over dosing.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5wc6", "comment_id": "e0wtnoo"}, {"question": "Need help about a roommate and his puppy...", "description": "Original rent 500 including all utilities. Guy who rents room wanted a dog. I said 600/month total with adult dog, 700/month total with puppy. Guy works all night, and is constantly mandated for OT. Therefore, I'm constantly taking care of puppy for him. Is increase to 700 while a puppy unreasonable?", "answer": "Increase. You are doing a work that they do at boarding places. If it was me I would increase it more but that might cause them to move out haha ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48xh6g", "comment_id": "d0nk6zw"}, {"question": "Needing Others opinions", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for three months M(25) her (24) this is her first serious relationship and anything we do is completely new to her. \n\nI seem to really struggle with the fact that she has an interest in me consistently. I'm the only one typically initiating \"I miss you\" ect, ect. But when I do she responds with her feelings as well. I struggle with the fact that she tells me its because shes never been in a true relationship before that she cant show me how she feels or be affectionate. She used to when we first dated but it died off quick. Anytime I bring it up she says shes trying extremely hard, but I give it weeks and never seen anything out of it. Feeling like this makes me not want to try as hard in the relationship even though she consistently tells me don't assume how she feels and if anything was wrong I would tell you. Am I expecting too much too soon from someone new to relationship life? Besides this, when we hang out things are great 90% of the time and seem to slowly be progressing. \n\nOur conversations outside of hanging out are just so inconsistent and seems to be me putting in most of the effort, it gets tiring after a while and I'm not sure if I should continue the same efforts or try and wait for her to potentially show these on her own. I want her to know how much I like and care for her, but it gets old saying it time and time again. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "sounds like she's not mature enough for a serious rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m8joc", "comment_id": "djzqwst"}, {"question": "is our history together what's keeping us together? me[32/m], her [36/f]", "description": "My partner and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 8. we went to university together, have traveled around the world together, moved to a different country together, and now we live apart for over a year. For a long time I haven't been compassionate the way they wanted. For a long time our sex life hasn't been what I wanted. I moved to a different country last year for work and now we live on different continents. That hasn't helped even though my new job allows me to work remotely some of the time. I made a pros and cons list:\n\npros:\n\n* they can be very understanding\n* we have a lot of friends together\n* we have a history\n* we have similar interests\n* they make more money than me and that really helps\n\ncons:\n\n* they are cold and distant\n* most of our problems seem to be my fault, maybe we aren't compatible\n* the lack of sex even when we are together is killing me and i'm not entirely sure it will ever come back\n* I don't think they love me anymore. they don't say it anymore. they don't really say they miss me anymore.\n\nWe have these wonderful memories together, but also horrible ones. I don't want to lose my partner but I don't know what's left to keep. \n\nI've tried to talk about this with my partner a lot but sometimes I feel like that isn't really productive. Is it me? Do I lack patience?\n\nNow I have the opportunity to move back but I'm afraid that if I do, I will just accelerate the end of what's left and then I will have nothing. I'm afraid that if we separate than they will be hurt so much by it that it will affect their career. \n\nI try to sit and think about what my partner thinks. What its like to be in their shoes in this situation. But it's difficult. I feel like sometimes I don't really know my partner.", "answer": "very hard to work things out long distance. keep talking, processing. maybe even a 3 way skype with a counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdgu", "comment_id": "ddhjuf2"}, {"question": "Confidentiality regarding weed?", "description": "Anon account bc it's my first post and I'm nervously new to Reddit. \n\nBut I've always wanted to ask and recently it's becoming a big deal. I want to embrace therapy and learn about my disorders and who I am thoroughly, and I feel like weed is a big part of my journey that I don't want to leave out. \n\nIs my therapist obligated or likely to report my illegal drug use if mentioned? ", "answer": "If you're in the United States, (this varies very slightly depending on which state you're in)\n\n\nEverything you say in the therapist's office is kept confidential. There are just a few exceptions. If you tell them you are going to hurt/kill yourself or someone else, that confidentiality is broken to see if you need a higher level of care. Any information about a child who is being abused or neglected must be reported. Some of the information you share may be shared with the clinicians supervisor in order to help them better work with you. Other than those things, everything else is kept confidential unless you sign a release stating what information can be shared with which particular person. \n\n\nThat's basically the info I give to every client I work with in the first session. Something important to consider though is that this info pertains to adults only. If you are a minor, therapists are able to share information with parents at their own discretion. Different states have different ages for this though. For instance in PA where I practice, the age of consent for mental health services is 14. That means anyone 14 or older is essentially given all the same rights as an adult.\n\n\nEarlier in my career I've worked with clients who were former gang members and some individuals who would tell me stories that if I broke confidentiality and shared, could very possible lead to very loooooooooong sentences. Since they didn't appear to be currently a danger to themselves or others, and didn't involve children, it wasn't reportable. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6wkgp", "comment_id": "ecnt6wf"}, {"question": "I wish my kid was \u201cnormal\u201d", "description": "I have a three year old who is nonverbal. He doesn\u2019t talk at all. We bend over backwards to get him to talk, and have spent thousands of dollars and at least 5 hours a week in speech therapy trying to get him to talk. \n\nOn top of that, he has some autistic behaviours, but we can\u2019t get a diagnosis, because the behaviours aren\u2019t prominent enough, and have \u201ccounter-behaviours\u201d that take him off of the spectrum. So we are constantly fighting with medical professionals to tell us what is going on so we can get the right help. \n\nWe have been at this for a year and a half. I\u2019m exhausted. I\u2019m spent. I have no spoons at the end of the day to enjoy my son and husband. I\u2019m out of energy and patience. \n\nI want my kid to go to bed and stay there. I don\u2019t want to battle him every night to get him to sleep. And to stay asleep. I want to be able to talk to my kid, and him talk back. I want to enjoy interacting with my son without having the correct speech-enabling behaviours on the back of my mind the entire time. \n\nI want a kid that will freaking looking for eggs on Easter rather than get distracted by the way the one he found rolls, and be unable to focus on anything else. \n\nI want a neurotypical kid. And that\u2019s not nice to say, it\u2019s not fun to say, but it\u2019s true. All of his care has been pushed onto me for so long that I am breaking. I am not a person anymore. I am just his caregiver 24/7 when he should be gaining some independence. \n\nI\u2019m so tired. I\u2019m so exhausted. I\u2019m so very fucking done. ", "answer": "Few tips as an Behavior tech working with kids on the spectrum. Im not sure if he would qualify for ABA services without an actual diagnosis. Try to make each day as structured as possible. Set up a routine for every day. Don't give up and stick to your guns. Times might be tough with some tantrums, but don't give in. \n\nAs for word development look in to research on Serve and Return. It should kids learn best when the adult focuses attention on what the child is focused on. Pick toys that they enjoy and apply words to them. If you are able, apply aign language while teaching the word or just talking to them in general... \"want some milk\" *sign milk while asking* etc. \n", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "88y2e1", "comment_id": "dwozuay"}, {"question": "Is it possible to lower blood pressure naturally? Would losing extra weight help?", "description": "Hi. Hope you're well! 24F here. I'm a bit overweight atm, I currently weigh 170 lbs, which is 40 lbs above my normal weight.\nI have anxiety and depression, so I think it could be related.\nAnyway, usually my blood pressure is within the normal values, but I have some relatives with hypertension.\nI was wondering if it's possible to reduce blood pressure naturally, without medication? If it is, how can one do it? \n For example, if I lost the extra weight and went back to normal, could that help lowering my blood pressure?\nThank you so much", "answer": "It depends on the cause of the problem. Losing weight is the most commonly effective way to improve the most common type of high blood pressure. Even losing some weight without getting all the way back to a recommended weight can improve it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "de2dju", "comment_id": "f2qq2c7"}, {"question": "I'm easily angered and it's ruining my life ", "description": "I'm in my mid twenties and I want to ask advice on how to manage my anger. I get angry from the most insignificant things, things which normal people shouldn't be upset about. I almost broke my notebook today because the dvd drive wasn't reading my cd. Sometimes I'm thinking of cutting myself when I'm this angry only to feel releaved. \nEpisodes like this can easily ruin my day and it's very frustraiting. I'm also hurting the people around me, people that truly love me. \n\nIf anyone has any piece of advice, please write a comment below. I don't want to live like this anymore. ", "answer": "You should go to a therapist or psychiatrist who you can talk to about your symptoms, family history, etc, so you can get a solid response & the help you need. Based on the little bit you've shared, it doesn't sound like info from reddit is gonna cut it.\n\n(I'm a therapist - find the right one & it can really make a big difference in your life).", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "u6hz6", "comment_id": "c4srddm"}, {"question": "It's me again, the chick with C Diff. Still.", "description": "My info hasn't changed but here it is again:\n\n31, woman, Oregon. Have had C Diff since March this year. Currently taking sertraline, amitriptyline, propranolol, promethazine and zofran.\n\nMy previous post(s):\n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/8qg8tg/more_problems_with_my_adventures_with_c_diff?sort=confidence\n\nJust an update for those who were concerned or helped me with advice previously. \n\nAfter that last post, I was sent to the ED by the Infectious Diseases doc because she thought I had appendicitis. After eight hours there, they said my tests looked great and no signs of appendicitis. \n\nThe I.D. doc told me she can no longer help me because, in her words, \"we followed textbook procedure and the only way you'd still have the infection is if you were the unluckiest person in the state.\" She referred me back to my PCP.\n\nMy PCP this morning ordered me a same day stool test to check for a current C Diff infection. They just called and told me I am positive, and my doctor is \"very surprised.\" She is referring me back to I.D.. \n\nI've taken every antibiotic for this including Vancomycin, Flagyl which I'm horribly allergic to, and most recently Dificid. If anyone has any guesses as to what they'll do next, I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thank you all for your hard work, and then for taking the time out of your insane schedules to help strangers on the internet. Seriously, thank you all.", "answer": "As someone said in response to your last post, it may be time to look into fecal transplant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8t4xg5", "comment_id": "e14r972"}, {"question": "I don't know what I have to live for.", "description": "So I spiralled out of control during COVID and failed all that I've set out to do. If you check my post history, you'd see that I originally wanted to do a daily journal, well, that went nowhere. \n\nI lost my job during COVID and my dad dragged me to his company. Today, a particularly bad day, I couldn't bring myself o do anything and sat aimlessly with a blank look on my face at his secretary's desk. Which resulted in one of those emotional moments where he tells me that he will care for me all he can while he's alive but I have got to find something I'm passionate about. He doesn't expect me to earn big money, but at least enough to live on, and don't expect help from even the closest relatives. He doesn't have many years left. \n\nHe means well I'm sure. But the morbidity and realism of the topic at hand further worsened my mental state. At some point I was, or rather am thinking that I'd just end my life the moment both of my parents are dead. I mean, what else is there to live for? \n\nI feel like a huge disappoinment to them, to everyone, and most of all to myself. I've racked my brains and I don't know if I can honestly say there's something I would enjoy doing all day. I don't remember the last time I found something enjoyable that brought me anything more than a fleeting joy. \n\nI thought I'd feel better typing this out, sharing this, but I don't. I still feel the same. \n\nHelp.", "answer": "Some advice: start anywhere, with anything. Keep experimenting and keep an open mind. Generate some curiousity about the different kinds of lives people lead, ask questions, read books, search online, whatever. Also investigate hobbies of all sorts and try out anything you can that even remotely interests you. \n\nIf you truly don't enjoy anything, you have depression or some other mood disorder, which you will have to identify the cause of and treatment for, ideally with professional help. \n\nYou might also look into self-compassion. There is really no need or use in beating yourself up because you haven't been journaling during a pandemic. We're all doing the best we can and sometimes our best kinda sucks. That's ok. Start journaling now if it's important to you. It might help you get some clarity about the changes you might make.", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "gs1vta", "comment_id": "fs2jsg2"}, {"question": "Terrible therapy session was a big eye-opener", "description": "I've always been an advocate of therapy. If any of my friends or family were going through persistent hard times or sadness, I would recommend talking to a professional. I've only ever had good experiences, and I really thought it couldn't hurt. \n\nMy stance on this has changed recently. I'm in the process of looking for a new therapist, and in my area it's hard to find one available after my work hours. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I was looking for a person I could speak to in order to gain a more positive perspective - to not feel like I'm doomed for failure, to be more okay with not knowing or having control over everything, to be able to trust in myself and my abilities, and in my friends and loved ones, and to make the kind of changes I feel are long overdue... the strength to make that leap of faith and believe that things will work out in the end. \n\nMaybe not quite that positive, but I wanted to not be crippled with panic over something I feel anxious about.\n\nDuring my evaluation, the person went through the plan I planned on carrying out in the near future, step by step, and went through all the negative, worst-case-scenario what-ifs. The person questioned every decision I planned. The person questioned a lot of decisions I made in the past, and also the way I live my life right now. \n\nAll of these negative things are things I've thought about before, being that I am someone who struggles with anxiety and depression. What this person said made sense, but it added another negative voice in my head - one that's supposed to be unbiased and honest and offer me a grounding perspective.\n\nAll of this took place in the span of 50 minutes. \n\nOf course, there was more to the session than this. I'm sure whatever method was being used on me, might work for someone else, but it definitely didn't in my case. I thanked the person, and left the building, and had a panic attack (it's been some months since my last one). \n\nI just wanted to share my recent experience, as I noticed a lot of posters here wonder if they should see someone, or many commenters suggest therapy. I still would definitely recommend seeking professional help as an option for anyone who feels they might need it or even if they just want someone to talk to. But I also think it's worth mentioning that finding a good fit with a therapist is not easy. \n\nTLDR: Therapist employed tough-love (maybe?) and cut the anxious and depressed patient down by being a negative sound-board, and never brought the patient back up again. Patient proceeded to become a panic-induced puddle of tears, and self medicated with taco bell.", "answer": "That's terrible to hear that that happened to you. I hope you can find someone else to work with that you get along better with. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4h0wxd", "comment_id": "d2mqbhu"}, {"question": "How should I cope with depression while in a committed relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m in a year long relationship, and I\u2019ve had depression on and off before and during the relationship. When my emotions get the best of me, my partner will tell me that I need to do more to combat my depression and prevent the build up of emotions from happening. At one point, my partner told me I was being selfish for not trying hard enough to get out of depression because it was taking a toll on our relationship. My former therapist believed that I was putting too much of the responsibility on myself and that there should be efforts coming from both people in the relationship. If I was single, then she believed I needed to take the responsibility for coping with depression. My partner is technically trying to help me by telling me to go outside, but he doesn\u2019t ask to be involved. I don\u2019t typically ask him to be involved either due to his reluctance for going outside because of his schedule or allergies. On the few times I have asked, something else came up or my partner wasn\u2019t in the mood.\n\nYears before I leaned on a previous partner for my depression and put him as my source for happiness. Everything hurt so much more when we broke up, and I took it as a lesson that I shouldn\u2019t depend on other people to help me through depression or they\u2019ll leave or I\u2019ll end up even worse. I accepted my current partner\u2019s advice because it\u2019s still helpful advice to follow if I was single, but my former therapist stressed that I shouldn\u2019t have to carry all the weight by myself.\n \nIs it healthy to be in a committed relationship but feel like you have to cope with depression alone?", "answer": "Disclaimer: I can only go off what you have written at face value, and I have never met you or your partner. \n\nThere are a few things going on here .\n\n1. From what you described , your partner is being unhelpful (probably unintentionally), for example by seeing depression as something you can easily overcome. \n\n2.Unfortunately, there is very little good information available to partners / loved ones of depressed people. The majority of info says \"get them the help they need\" but there is very little support for what to do when therapy and meds aren't helping. Partners often have no idea what to do, even when they want to be supportive. \n\n3. It is true that only you can be responsible for your mental health . You acknowledged the problems you had when you depended on a partner for happiness .\n\nSo what is the answer ? I think a black/white view (depend on someone for happiness vs. Go at it alone) is unhelpful. A good middle ground is taking responsibility but also being open about what helps and what doesn't . \n\nAn analogy I use a lot is cancer.\n\nIf you had cancer , what support would you want from your partner ? It would still be your responsibility to get treatment , make and keep appointments, take meds. Your partner hopefully would not blame you or claim to have a magic solution . Your partner would hopefully encourage and support your efforts to get better and also understand the illness .\n\nObviously, tweak this to fit your needs and personality. If this feels right to you, it may be worth discussing with your partner.\n\nYout partner may also benefit from his own therapy. Loving someone with an illness you don't understand can be really hard. He may gain useful tools for dealing with his own feelings and better understanding yours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f7wlgg", "comment_id": "fika5eo"}, {"question": "Sharp pain in chest when breathing", "description": "Age: 24\nSex: Male\nHeight 6\u2019\nWeight: 200 lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 36 hours roughly \nLocation (Geographic and on body): Left breast area/lung\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): Asthma\nCurrent medications (if any): Montelukast, Azelastine, Symbicort, Abuderol\n\nThis showed up Sunday afternoon/night but I kinda chalked it up to me driving about 6 hours that day. There\u2019s a constant dull pain in my left chest area. But I can\u2019t take a deep breath now. If I do, I get a sharp pain in my chest. My left arm was also kinda sore and \u201cfavored\u201d certain positions. \n\nI considered this might be asthma related but now I\u2019m not so sure. \n", "answer": "Given the fact that you drove 6 hours, pulmonary embolism needs to be ruled out in a hospital.\n\nHave you been excercising and could it be sore muscles in your thorax? Does it hurt when you press on your thorax?\n\nAny family history of heart disease?\n\nDo you feel weak, tired, sweaty, out of breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ihs3", "comment_id": "ejy634r"}, {"question": "Podcasts or videos for anxiety?", "description": "Hello. I'm new here but I've had emetophobia for 17 years. I've recently gotten back into therapy. One thing I talked about with my therapist was how I constantly wake up in the middle of the night extremely anxious, most of the time because I get anxious that I'll be sick. Once I'm up, I usually can't fall back asleep for a few hours because of the anxiety. She suggested to find some podcasts or even videos to keep close by to turn on when this happens. I'm wondering if anyone has listened to any podcasts or anything that has been helpful for anxiety, or even just any interesting podcasts that could take my mind off of things. Any suggestions would be helpful! \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Hey there! For reducing general feelings of anxiety, mindfulness and progressive relaxation videos on YouTube are nice. For distraction, I personally love nerdy stuff like history documentaries and science shows! My favorite YouTube channels for that stuff are AllThemedDocs (documentaries) and VSauce (science)!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "7czsr4", "comment_id": "dpu4jtq"}, {"question": "Concerning CBC results for little one", "description": "Today we went for a routine doctor check with our 7 month old daughter (weight 22.4 lbs - 10.16 KG and height 28.7inches - 73cm). She is a perfect child always smiling always full of energy never had any problems.\n\nDoctor ordered a CBC and we got the results in the evening with some concerning entries.\n\nThe sections that are flagged are:\n* Neutrophils percentage - 8% with recommended values between 15-55%\n* Neutrophils count - 0.76 thousand per uL - after reading online this indicates moderate neutropenia \n* Lymphocyte percentage 80.7 with recommended values between 40-70 (and FWIW 7.01 thousand per uL with recommendations between 4-12 - so count NORMAL but percentage off)\n\nWe got scared really bad really fast and we\u2019re trying to get a sense of how bad/serious the results are before we manage to get back to doctors to figure out next steps.\n\nI\u2019d like to ask for a general opinion and not specific questions but I have some of those as well in case it helps:\n\n1) How common is neutropenia in children less than a year\n2) How often is it related to serious issues?\n3) Given that she didn\u2019t have any fever and didn\u2019t have literally any problems up till now - what could be the cause of this?\n4) What could we expect as possible causes?\n5) What are the next recommended steps?\n\nThank you so much! \n", "answer": "I'm not a pediatrician, but you have one. Talk to him or her.\n\nTake with a grain of salt, but here's what I make of it with no expertise: lymphocytes are slightly off by percentage but the count is okay, so I wouldn't worry much. The neutrophil count is also fine for a 7 month old, although the percentage is low; neutropenia is usually defined by the absolute neutrophil count, so I wouldn't worry about this either.\n\nThe most likely thing, I'd guess, is normal but relatively high counts for all the other cell types, with therefore a normal absolute neutrophil count that produces an unusually low percentage. The lymphocytes are part of it. It could be everything. In any case, for anything critical your pediatrician will call you; for anything else, it will wait. This may very well be a case where the doctor is completely unconcerned and doesn't think about how it looks to you, so call and ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a1mee", "comment_id": "e4s2hup"}, {"question": "Why did PCP show up on my drug test?", "description": "Hey there. 23/F/166lbs/5'3\"/non smoker, don't drink alcohol all that much. I take Pristiq, Seroquel, Intuniv, and the pill. I had to do a drug test for my summer internship and they had to send off the sample for further testing after PCP showed up as a false positive. I've never done recreational drugs, and I was reading about it and apparently Seroquel can create a false positive for PCP on drug tests. Why is this? Is it bad that my body processes the medication that way? Should I be worried for my health at all?", "answer": "Seroquel produces a number of false positives, but PCP isn't one of them. However, there is some literature on venlafaxine/desvenlafaxine (Effexor/Pristiq) producing amphetamine and PCP false positives\n\nIt has nothing to do with how you process the drugs. The rapid drug tests are somewhat nonspecific and can pick up unrelated molecules that share just the right features. The confirmation test should show that it's a false result.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b01ta", "comment_id": "dx2y78b"}, {"question": "Suicidal, want to know what to do", "description": "Hi,\n\nI have borderline personality disorder and I tried to kill myself last summer. I got better, and then I have been getting worse and worse. These past couple days I have been having very bad panic attacks or manic episodes (not sure what exactly they are, sorry) and I think a lot about killing myself. I don't have a solid plan yet, but often I just get very close to driving on the other side of the road. Last night I started cutting again. \n\nI am on antidepressants and have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about different ones or a higher dosage. I have been thinking about going to a mental facility or hospital but I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I can't miss too much of it or I would have to start the semester over (I'm in Education). What goes on in the hospital if I were to admit myself? How long is the average stay for something like this? I understand it's completely a person-to-person thing. \n\nAt this moment I don't want to die but I will again soon and I am afraid that my time is coming to a close. I'm sorry\n\n", "answer": "If you are suicidal tell your doctor. Hospitalizations these days are typically briefer and just for stabilization. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1u9td9", "comment_id": "ceg9d4g"}, {"question": "New, suspicious", "description": "Hey all. I stumbled across this sub recently as I\u2019ve been questioning if I have adhd since I discovered it was actually a \u201cthing\u201d with adults. I was browsing and read a lot of posts that resonate with me. I took the self assessment from add.org and it was highly consistent. I\u2019ll spare you my symptoms as I\u2019m not asking for some diagnosis... I just don\u2019t know what to do\u2014the weight of this feeling of struggling silently and alone for 30 years is very heavy. \nI know that heading to the doctors and psych is the next step but covid put a hold on that for now. I suppose I could do telemedicine but I\u2019m hesitant.\nI\u2019ve been having issues with my husband as he can he sort of controlling and as I look back on or relationship and marriage I realize I clung to him because I needed someone to anchor me and give me some direction. Now that I\u2019m older I don\u2019t want that and I don\u2019t know what to do about it as we have a daughter.\nI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m trying to say. Just looking to be heard.\nThanks.", "answer": "You're realizing a lot of things about yourself and your life. I would really recommend therapy to help you integrate the things you are discovering and figure out where you want to go from here.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "h7qrj0", "comment_id": "fump5pk"}, {"question": "Help! How can I help a friend with depression?", "description": "My friend has severe depression and is always coming to me for emotional support. She is no longer taking anti-depressants and refuses to seek help through therapy. I am her only friend and the only person she speaks to other than her mum. I am not sure how to handle the situation because if I don't speak to her for an entire day she gets really scared and worried to have made me angry. The problem is that her relying on me so much for emotional support has started to take its toll on my own mental health and I am feeling more drained and tired all the time. I don't know what to do to help her but I also feel like I should help myself. Is it selfish to not want to help her all the time? Anyone gone through a similar situation?", "answer": "You can be supportive while caring for yourself. Encourage your friend to ask for what would be helpful from you, if reasonable. That being said you are not a therapist and have your own life to manage. Encourage this person to get professional help!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7ub0t1", "comment_id": "dtiwjaw"}, {"question": "Why is so much more spent on cancer when mental illness kills more?", "description": "Life years taken from mental illness compared to other diseases like cancer are much higher, yet research going into mental health is a fraction of what it is for cancer, for every 1 dollar spent on mental health research, 14 is spent on cancer. As far as treatment goes it seems mental health is the most expensive, so it seems finding better treatments would save a lot of money, but very little is spent compared to these other diseases, what is the reason for this?", "answer": "Kids and cancer, man.\n\nMedical research is narcissistic at its core, dictated by fashionable or \"easy\" outcomes that play well with public narratives and funding providers. There's also business models influencing research too - treatments are expensive to produce and providers are private sector businesses after all.\n\nThe problem with psychiatric research is the relative subjectivity of it, much less glamorous outcomes, and the lack of public interest despite its burden on society.\n\nAs another commenter says, it would make more sense to primarily place efforts of conditions that cause greater global disability (many infective diseases top this list, killing millions in developing countries). It's not gonna happen though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5itspw", "comment_id": "dbaz7oa"}, {"question": "Question for Adults with Aspergers", "description": "Is it better to do a wait-and-see approach to a diagnosis of Aspergers? .\n\nMy son (5yo) has difficulties regulating his emotions and has a speech problem, articulation disorder. he also fidgets a lot. he has been attending private speech therapy for 2yrs and sadly has been kicked out of 3 preschools, after which I homeschooled him, did therapy and him in a 4hrs/week drop in program.\n\nnow due to the preschool difficulties we sought a private psychological evaluation. cognitively he is fine, IQ is good. the doc did see signs of anxiety, ADHD and Aspergers. however we stopped midway due to our daughter being born, some medical difficulties and being smack dab in the middle of evaluations which took an emotional toll. so we stopped in April.\n\nshould I continue the eval process? should I skip that for now and do an educational eval? I'm just terrified of the unknown.", "answer": "I would also think about the consequences of getting an eval done through a school. They might try to push services that you or your child does not want. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26dh1e", "comment_id": "chqh7xa"}, {"question": "How to raise topic of circumcision in therapy?", "description": "Hello! I have a question about how to raise a specific, sensitive topic in therapy, and I'm very nervous. I'm looking for guidance, not trying to \"do the work\" here, if that makes sense.\n\nI'm a 30 y.o. circumcised man, and ever since I first asked why I've been circumcised, I've been unhappy about it. I mostly feel violated about the procedure itself, which was done for non-medical reasons without anesthetic (dad is Jewish and wanted me to look like him). I guess a part of me also wishes I could experience sex with a foreskin, but of course I'll have to find a way to accept my body the way it is. It feels like I'm going through a grieving process similar to when I had to accept that my family is dysfunctional, except this time I'm going through it completely alone.\n\nI've been in therapy for years and worked through a bunch of stuff with my therapist. She's great, and I've discussed a lot of other private details with her. Circumcision is different. She has a two-year-old son, and I have no idea whether her son was circumcised or what her views are. I'm nervous about even introducing her to the idea that not all men are happy they were circumcised.\n\nI'm scared to even mention it here, because from what I've seen on reddit, the typical responses is to tell men to \"get over it\" or assume that there \"must be something deeper\" going on. I guess that's always a possibility, but this feels like a pretty legitimate thing to grieve.\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapists are specifically trained to not let their personal views enter into the therapeutic relationship, so whatever her values are regarding her son she will be able to set those aside and join with you in your distress. I think you have every right to feel conflicted about your body and decisions made about it without your input. You absolutely are going through a grief process, and your therapist can surely help you process it. It sounds like you have a great, trusting relationship built with her already. Trust her again to support you in this process. Good luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bv8c1u", "comment_id": "epmrq05"}, {"question": "How did I live before Concerta?", "description": "31F here. I was first diagnosed at age 25 and didn't start taking medication until about a year and a half ago (it took me a while to get over the idea that I just needed to try harder somehow).\n\nI'm having a problem with my pharmacy where they claim they didn't get the prescription from my doctor, when I KNOW she sent it. It finally got resolved and I can go pick it up today. After 3 weekdays of not having my medication, I can barely conceptualize how I functioned at all without it. I can't believe I got through college and graduate school like this. It was awful, I was put on academic probation twice, accused of \"not being dedicated to the program,\" my grades were all over the map, I lurched from depressive episode to depressive episode. . . but somehow I made it through.", "answer": "Oh my God. They didn't refill my Concerta. They refilled my sertraline (Zoloft). I wasn't out of Zoloft. I'm out of Concerta. I got the text that my prescription was ready and I thought I was going to be all set for tomorrow. Now I have to try to struggle through another brain fog day. I can't believe this. This is ridiculous.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jjtf30", "comment_id": "gagod7o"}, {"question": "My [21/F] responding to messages and questions during our [21/M] argument.", "description": "We are having an argument. In the middle of my sentence I hear her type. Talking about it later she told me that someone asked her something and because she saw it, she didn't wanna be rude and ignore in. She took one minute to reply while listening to me and then we continued the conversation normally. In my eyes the fact that she replied to that message is really rude and disrespectful and shows that she doesn't really care about what we were talking about and she got more important things to do. In her eyes I'm asking her to be rude to people on purpose to boost my ego and prove to me how important I am.", "answer": "It's rude. Most things people do with their phones are rude!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6cuprt", "comment_id": "dhxhc96"}, {"question": "Sexual-OCD, intrusive thoughts and masturbation", "description": "I think this is another confession compulsion, but I need to get it out. \n\nThis week I was suddenly reminded of something that \"happened\" over a year ago. During that time my OCD was really bad and I had constant intrusive sexual thoughts. \n\nI remembered one time getting an image in my head, then getting anxious, and then getting a \"groinal response\". I was anxious about the thought, but the response felt very real, so I deicided to \"test\" myself, so I could figure out once and for all if I was a sick person.\n\nI basically forced myself to masturbate to the thought, thinking that nobody would be hurt by this \"testing\". However, I was mostly thinking about normal sexual stuff to actually stimulate myself. Needless to say, it was a horrible decision and I got very panicked about the testing. \n\nI've read sexual studies that say that physical stimulation alone can lead to an erection and that sexual thoughts in general can generate feelings of attraction, even if the content is not likeable. I'm not comparing myself to a rape victim but I've read about rape victims getting physical feelings of stimulation (obviously rape IS NEVER pleasant). I've told myself that the other sexual stuff was the thing that essentially got me excited. I've also read about groinal responses in OCD.\n\nDespite all of this, I feel like it's different (classic OCD-trick). I guess I'm looking for some reassurance here. ", "answer": "Seeking reassurance only strengthens the cycle. \"Testing\" needs to be off the table. It's difficult with sexual obsessions, but necessary. You simply have to practice sitting with the doubt instead of trying to figure things out. I struggle with the same thing, so I get it.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "3npxsd", "comment_id": "cvq819w"}, {"question": "Can you take a kalms tablet after consuming caffeine?", "description": "Forgive me if I am writing this in the wrong subreddit, I am new to this. If it is in the wrong one, please tell me where to post.\n\nI am female, 22 years old, 5ft7, weigh 140lbs. \nI don't take any medications.\nDo not drink or smoke.\nNo serious medical issues. I have a persistent cough from a chest infection from two months ago. I also get heart palpitations sometimes.\n\nI suffer with anxiety and excessive sweating however, so I get very nervous and very sweaty in certain situations. \n\nI have my driving test coming up and I get extremely anxious when driving under pressure and I get sweaty palms so I will take a kalms tablet like an hour or so before the test.\n\n I was wondering if anyone else has taken one before their driving test and if it helped? Is it safe for me to take considering I get heart palpitations? I have had them checked out at the cardiologist and he put it down to anxiety. Does kalms make a big difference? I have never taken one before, so I don't know how I'll react to it on me on my test.\n\nBut my main question is, I was also wondering if I can have a coffee in the morning, then take the kalms right after? Would the caffeine affect it in any way? I need a coffee in the morning to function and my test is in the morning.\n\nKalms is a stress relieving tablet made from herbal remedies, and is supposed to be natural.", "answer": "Kalms pills contain an assortment of herbs. From what I can tell, none have any evidence of being effective for anything in particular. There's no reason you couldn't take it after coffee, but there's also no reason to expect it to do anything, with or without coffee.\n\nMy advice would be to save your money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cq0oh1", "comment_id": "ewsw4mb"}, {"question": "I desperately want to communicate with my dad, but I'm scared", "description": "TL;DR - I miss my dad now more than ever. He did a huge part in raising me right when my mom was having trouble raising me (divorced). Certain events made me stop calling him and it's eating at me. It has been around 8 years since I last spoke to him. I am 23. He probably had an idea of what he wanted to do as a father - watching his children grow up into responsible adults. And I very selfishly took that from him. I hate myself for it.\n\nFirst off, a little about me. I've always had a fear of being close to people. I later grew up to find out that I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder. I am on government disability because I can't work. I am gay, but almost entirely anti-sexual due to my disabilities. One of my hardest challenges is answering the phone, which lead to me not talking to my dad anymore. Even IMing over Facebook is painfully difficult for me. I once tried to contact my dad on Facebook but it went very wrong. Basically, my stepmom intervened and shunned me for being gay and owning a 2nd, private Facebook account to avoid my family. More details on my stepmom later.\n\nMy dad. Basically, he's old fashioned. Watches TV, doesn't use a cell phone, barely uses a computer. Hunts, fishes, 4-wheeler. Air Force. Majorly disciplined-based. Hates gay people, hates anybody you would call a \"snowflake\". Very laid-back. Not very understanding of abnormalities in people, I guess. But he's an excellent father. He never did anything wrong to me, despite our differences. Blocking him out of my life is easily my worst mistake.\n\nMy stepmom. I spent 5 years with her and my dad. I tried so very hard to gain her respect and love. She was very emotionally neglecting. Not abusive, but absent. She also started drinking alcohol, which ultimately ended in her kicking me and my brother out of the house while my dad was stationed in Korea (Air Force). My brother and I tried so hard with her, but our dad didn't see what we were going through. He always sided with her - even that night we got kicked out. I was 14 and my brother was 16. We had to spend the night at our neighbor's house while my mom came overnight to get us. I hate blaming people, but I do single-handedly blame her for the severity of my relationship with my dad. If she hadn't gotten drunk and kicked out her mid teenaged step children, none of this would have happened. My dad would have come back from Korea and continued to be a great father. I could go on about this nonstop, so I'll just force an end with that.\n\nFinally, my relationship with my dad and how it has affected me. I was 15 or 16 when I last spoke to him. I think about him almost every day. And when I do, it's dreadfully painful for me. I love him to death but I don't have the courage or willpower to even write him a letter. I'm terrified of what he will say to me. What if I finally do it and he blames me for blocking him out? What if he has finally gotten over me leaving and no longer wants to communicate with me?\n\nMy biggest fear is that he will get sick or even grow old and I miss the years of opportunity to fix this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I'm so scared.", "answer": "Well my friend; I'm a therapist and this is about the most thoughtful, mature post I've ever read.\nWe can't control what other people do and think. So we have to act based on our own thoughts and feelings first and foremost. The important thing is you have the maturity, and the sensitivity, and the intelligence to process all of this painful stuff. So I would suggest you act on your heart, which is your desire to contact him and explore the possibilities of a good future as father and son. You have to be fully mentally prepared for anything, since his psyche is an unknown variable. He could do or say anything; from ignoring you, to being vitriolic, and everything in between. William Faulkner said \"between grief and nothing, I will take grief\". If the worst scenario occurs, than your Dad has lots of permanent inadequacies, totally unrelated to you. If the result is fair to great, then I think you answered the call of your generous spirit.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tjts6", "comment_id": "ddn1xpl"}, {"question": "How can I increase my patience?", "description": "A little over a year ago I moved in with my fianc\u00e9, she had a child who was 4, now 5 who has always been crazy, as most five year old boys are. When I drank I could be a lot more relaxed with his behavior and not care as much, but now that I\u2019ve stopped I\u2019m almost constantly on edge with him and very irritable. It took a few days for me to realize that he really isn\u2019t being that bad, but I\u2019ve been on his ass about acting right when really he is just being a kid. What methods can I use to increase my patience with him?", "answer": "The best book on relating to children is \u201cHow to talk so kids listen and how to listen so kids talk\u201d by Faber and Mazlish. It was inspired by the ideas of Haim Ginnot. Dr John Gottman, the world renowned marriage counselor dedicated his first book to Dr. Ginnot. The key is to try to understand the motivating emotions first and express that understanding in a way the child can understand. It works with adults too.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fdylzg", "comment_id": "fjl3uhj"}, {"question": "My (20M) GF (17F) hasn't got a lot of time for me and refuses to make it. What do you think?", "description": "The title is a bit concise.\nMy girlfriend and i are both in our first relationship, everything is great when we're together, i love her dearly and she loves me too. But for some reason she cannot make time for me, she goes to college, has a job, couple of friends and she plays sports at a fairly high level. \nI have no problem with any of those intrinsically, because i think its great she has a lot of things going on. Problem is, when scheduling stuff to do, she seems to forget me. I have brought this up several times and she promised to better herself, but now she's gone out again and i'm alone writing this.\nDoes anyone have any advice? Any questions i should ask myself? Thanks in advance!\nEdit; gf is 18, almost 19.", "answer": "she simply has different needs than you at the moment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y39vw", "comment_id": "dmkcgzm"}, {"question": "[20/M] My girlfriend [21/F] admitted sex makes her feel bad", "description": "I may post this in r/sex if that is more helpful, but this is still a relationship question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. She's intelligent, has a great sense of humor, and always puts others before herself. We instantly clicked but on our first date I remembered her telling me she moves very slowly in relationships. After three dates we were officially dating, but she asked to keep it off Facebook. It took another two dates until we even kissed, and two weeks after that to start fooling around (nakedness but not actual sex).\n\nAfter four months we still hadn't slept together, she always got tense when I moved things intimately. I asked her why and she'd just shrug it off, so I backed off. Eventually she admitted while she had fooled around with a past boyfriend, she was a virgin. I insisted it wasn't a big deal, and two months later we finally had sex.\n\nShe doesn't usually initiate, but always seems eager when we sleep together. She's come a long way, makes sure she does things that I like, but I recently realized she gets very uncomfortable whenever I focus on her. I thought maybe she was insecure about how she looked, but she'll have sex with the lights on and has never complained about her body before.\n\nLong story short, I started foreplay when she was over last night and she was in to it until I started paying her too much attention. Like I pulled her hands away from touching me to go down on her (she's never let me do that). She got really tense and asked me to stop. I of course backed off and asked her if she was okay, she said yes but to not do that, and I asked her why. When she started to shrug it off I was more firm and said I wanted to know why she won't let me focus just on her.\n\nShe burst in to tears and I felt like a complete jackass. I didn't yell or anything, and she's never cried before. She told me that her ex was her first sexual partner (as in being sexual, they never had sex) but he made her feel awful about sex. When she said she was a virgin it was like a huge fetish and all he cared about was taking her virginity. She said he'd get her drunk, feel her up in public, initiate when she said no and wouldn't stop until she physically got him off of her. My girlfriend said sex was always a one-way thing that wouldn't end until he got off no matter what. He made her pleasure some kind of bargaining chip like \"if I made you feel good now you HAVE to get me off.\"\n\nMy girlfriend said all she thought about while having sex was making sure I was happy. Like her end goal was never to feel good herself, it was to get me off so our relationship didn't end up like that. She started going on and on about how she knows sex for guys is the most important part of dating and was afraid if I tried to get her to orgasm (which she never has because she stops me) I'd use it against her.\n\nHonestly I had NO idea she thought of sex like that. I finally got her to calm down and said this was a discussion we should have after she slept on it. I don't know what to do. Basically my girlfriend thinks sex is just to satisfy me and I'd somehow use her getting off as an excuse to escalate to things she might not want to do. I feel so bad because she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and for some douche to use her inexperience against her like that... ugh.\n\nI just don't know how to talk to her about it. We're meeting up tomorrow night. Do I take a break from sex with her and say only when she's ready we'll start up again? She feels like somehow she's broken and she isn't, she just dated a douche and tried hard to seem like the perfect girlfriend.\n\n**tl;dr:** Girlfriend of 8 months and I started having sex 2 months ago. She admitted the reason she won't let me focus on her pleasure is because her ex made sex all about him and used her feeling good as an excuse to escalate his own needs. Not sure what to do.", "answer": "Go slow. Be patient. Let her be in control of how this evolves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6u73kc", "comment_id": "dlqiuas"}, {"question": "Why wasn't I \"awake\" until adulthood?", "description": "I have a hard time remembering things as a kid. I remember some specific events here and there but nothing too significant. So when I hear other people talk about the wonderful times as a child and some of their specific instances like 'early childhood crushes', 'their favorite type of music they were into', etc, I find it hard to relate. I didn't have those things, not because I was mistreated by my family or anything of the sort. \n\nI feel like the reason I can't relate to those things was because as a child, I didn't have a personality. I was a complete drone. I didn't have opinions. I didn't have 'likes'. I was a complete robot who did what he was told and started 'malfunctioning' in middle school. The whole reason I say 'malfunctioning' is because I still didn't have a personality in middle school, but I stopped doing things I was told to do. \n\nInstead of doing homework, I played video games. Instead of doing chores, I played video games. Instead of doing anything, I played video games.\n\nI nearly flunked a grade because of it. \n\nSo that's why I'm asking this. Is this fairly normal? Or is there something wrong?", "answer": "Take a look at Erickson's stages of development. Some folks get stuck in one and it takes them longer than usual to progress to the next. In other cases, folks skip a step and because they didn't have a healthy resolution of a certain stage it continues to cause them problems later in life. For whatever reason, something like this may have been the case for you. On top of that, sounds like you developed a bit of a gaming addiction early on which would cause a heap of problems for anyone, but especially when it happens in early childhood. \n\n\nhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bqw6ox", "comment_id": "eocp8vv"}, {"question": "Has anyone else's sleep patterns get completely wrecked from doing therapy?", "description": "To provide some backstory to my question, I experience anxiety/PTSD-esque reactions due to specific triggers from relationship related trauma that occurred over 10 years ago. This also has caused bouts of anxiety based insomnia after that relationship ended for a time. \n\nInstead of going to the doctor at the time I chose to drink each night to ensure I slept. I did that 7 days a week for the next 10 years. After stopping that pattern in May, sleep was generally much improved and restful till I started a more intense regimen of therapy. \n\nI used to go bi-weekly to a psychotherapist but since added on a weekly specialized therapy group for alcohol use + seeing a psych doctor in conjunction. I also read a lot more about this subject matter and try to practice as much as possible to \"relearn\" healthier ways of thinking and doing. \n\nThe combination of all of this has left me with what seems to be almost a perpetual state of \"emotional hangover.\" Since this intense schedule began I've noticed my sleep to be completely bonkers.\n\nI went from an average of 7 hrs with not much time getting to sleep with maybe 1-2 wake ups to experiencing 5+ wake ups a night, being awake for hours and some nights not sleeping at all.\n\nI try to have good sleep hygiene aka: turn off screens an hour before bed, read, listen to calming podcasts etc and nothing seems to really help. Often I'll wake up at like 2-3am and feel wide awake so rather than toss and turn I just get up and ride out the day but I know that's NOT healthy, but I'm not getting anywhere further with this easing either so not sure what to do about it.\n\nDoes anyone have any similar experiences?", "answer": "So you are engaging in therapy 3-4 times a week (I'm assuming that you see the psychiatrist every few weeks to months and not weekly)? I give you kudos for doing that all outpatient.\n\nSounds like you are working with your feelings a ton more, and that's what leads to the \"emotional hangover\" that then keeps you up at night. That can definitely happen. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? If you are seeing a psychiatrist also, if there's any new medication in the picture, that could also be a side effect.\n\nI'd bring it up at your next appointment with the therapist and psychiatrist and see what each propose. Perhaps some activities or strategies to better combat the \"emotional hangover\" or redirecting a therapy session to something less emotionally intensive may be helpful there. Also, maybe a change of med regiment could also be an answer. \n\nRegardless, good on your for prioritizing your mental wellness!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dmh7jm", "comment_id": "f50icq2"}, {"question": "Should I admit myself to a psychward", "description": "So I've been pretty bad for about a month now. Been constantly suicidal and hurting myself. I have borderline personality disorder, but I believe I may be going through some kind of emotional breakdown. I've been denied hospitalization twice now, due to my diagnosis. However, I feel I cannot keep myself safe. Just today I tried to OD and hang myself but my dad stopped me. Been down A&E about 4 or 5 times now due to suicidal thoughts. I've also been under the crisis team about 3 times. Constantly going round in circles of getting better for a little while then dropping again, and needing to be under the crisis team again. I don;t know why I do it, I'm just in so much pain. This is the most pain I think I've ever been in. My dad said he's gonna speak to the guy who denied me hospitalization since he can't handle my outbursts anymore, and he can't keep me on suicide watch 24/7. He believes a hospital will be able to fully take care of me. The mental health staff tell me I'm too young to go into hospital, that I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm 19.\n\nAm I making a wrong decision? I'm scared I'll regret it, as I'll be with people who have no insight. Unlike me with full insight, yet extremely suicidal. I still have the chance to ask my dad not to speak to the guy. However, I feel that if I don't go in hospital I may seriously hurt myself. I need some advice with this.\n", "answer": "It's really hard to give advice as every situation is different. It's really really difficult when you struggle with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and you have to deal with all that emotional liability.\n\nYou sound like a UK sufferer? If so then I'd strongly advise you to work with the crisis teams and your responsible psychiatrist on this. If you feel that you aren't being listened to - be honest about it. We psychiatrists are only human and don't always get it right. On the other hand, the team might have grasped the best way to manage crisis moments having known you for long enough.\n\nThis post is deliberately vague because I don't know you. There have been patients that I work with that I would admit in similar situations and patients that I would avoid admitting at all costs.\n\nI can only give you my most genuine and sincere sympathy for your extreme distress, but keep pestering your doctors and nurses until you have a feeling of some control over your situation.\n\nEdit: it's my experience that many never have a proper conversation about what personality disorder actually is. [Here's what I point my patients to when I talk about it.](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)\n\nEdit2: Inpatient care manages the risk of harm but doesn't treat the personality disorder in the classical sense. On the other hand people can suffer multiple illnesses and psychiatrists should bear that in mind and not label every behaviour to personality disorder.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "4vjecq", "comment_id": "d5yxrip"}, {"question": "Curing Cancer Only Extends Life By 3 Years?", "description": "Is it true that curing cancer would only extend the average life by like 3 years, the reason why would be that the next thing would get you e.g. you would get heart disease. It makes sense but I haven't seen any actual proof but I dont' see why it would not be true.\n\n[https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587](https://youtu.be/HTzfJnnzOnA?t=4587)\n\n\u2022Google \n\"Gains in life expectancy after elimination of major causes of death\" ", "answer": "If you cure prostate cancer in an 85 year old man with multiple other chronic illnesses then 3 more years might be beating the odds. Cure leukemia in a 20 year old and you can expect decades of life.\n\nCancer isn\u2019t one disease, and I\u2019m suspicious of the 3 years you cite. I\u2019ve never seen it before.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rhm5r", "comment_id": "e8hgyu1"}, {"question": "Something I've noticed about this subreddit that a lot of you do that makes me feel at home.", "description": "I always find myself browsing new posts on this sub and I always see people deleting comments and posts. It's funny to me that there's a grip of people like me that impulsively post shit and regret it 5 minutes later. Blame it on the RSD baby!", "answer": "I notice my RSD is stroooooong on reddit in general!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9xcrbp", "comment_id": "e9whfji"}, {"question": "Social Anxiety Disorder/self harm/depression excuses?", "description": "So, I've been off school for a few months due to social anxiety disorder, self harm and depression. When I go back, there are bound to be questions, but I don't want to tell people about my problems. What sort of excuses can I use? I'm looking for funny stuff that people won't know how to respond to. e.g. \"what are those scars from. Did you cut yourself or something?\" \"No, I wrestled a werewolf and he got me pretty bad, but I beat him, so it's all good\"", "answer": "My main advice is to stop for a second and take a read on who's asking the question.\nQuestion number one - are they being respectful?\nIf they are being a jerk (asking you personal questions in public places, or they seem to be trying to make you feel uncomfortable, being judgemental etc) - don't try to be funny. Just shut them down. (ignore them or \"the cat\" will do)\nIf they are being nice - then being funny is cool.\n\nPlus you can always work the werewolf into a metaphor for your own dark side later... We all have a dark side.\n\nRemember - your personal life is noone else's business. Share your personal life only with people who have earned some of your trust. And be funny only with people who have earned your sense of humour.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1fkukq", "comment_id": "cabglbf"}, {"question": "Would this be considered an eating disorder?", "description": "Beware, long wall of text. \n\nI'm 28 [F] 5\"6,weigh 110 and for the past 2 years I have been having an incredibly difficult time eating and almost constantly feel like I want to vomit. A couple of years ago I started feeling nauseated frequently for seemingly no reason, anything I eat immediately makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. I can be incredibly hungry...hunger pains, my stomach growling, haven't eaten in days... and as soon as I take one or two bites of food I immediately feel a lump rise up in my throat and the overwhelming feeling like I want to vomit and then I can't eat anymore. I try to force myself sometimes but it just ends with me feeling disgustingly sick and not being able to finish. Yesterday was the first time I had eaten in 3 days, aside from a couple of bites of shrimp lo mein the day before (I had tried SO hard to eat the whole thing, but couldn't). I started with a small bowl of noodle soup, hoping to trick myself into eating food. I was able to get that and a couple of pieces of pizza down, but I struggled with it and felt awful for an hour after. This is pretty much my routine now...don't eat for a few days until the hunger pains are unbearable, then force myself to struggle through a meal and feel like I want to puke it all up after. Rinse and repeat. \n\nI am also now incredibly sensitive to smells. Being in a kitchen while someone is cooking, or around someone who is vaping makes me gag and feel the need to vomit as soon as the smell hits me. Restrooms I usually have to hold my breath in, and I find myself avoiding a lot of public places in general because of all the smells. I just started working in a restaurant recently, and every shift is a nightmare for me because of the smells.\n\nSometimes the nauseated feeling is there with seemingly no triggers at all. Making out with someone? Hold up a minute while I run to the bathroom out of nowhere to puke my guts up. Playing a game with friends? Guys I don't feel very well..\nAnd of course I am CONSTANTLY lethargic. There is never me not feeling sleepy and sluggish. That is my normal. \n\nI do not experience, and never have experienced, body dysmorphia. I love my body, and there has never been a point where I haven't. I also don't look at myself in the mirror and go \"you better fucking stay like that\". Lately I have been worried about my need to eat more because my face is starting to look gaunt. I want to eat, I want to gain weight. My gag reflex however does not agree. \n\nI walk 3 to 5 miles a day, but that is due to severe anxiety and not because I'm trying to maintain any weight (though it does keep me relatively in shape considering how much time I spend on my PC). \n\nI do suffer from PTSD and severe depression and struggle with suicidal thoughts which I don't know if maybe depression could affect someone like this? I sometimes feel like it's all in my head.\nI did also have to go to the E.R. a few months after this started after spending 10 hours vomiting and having severe, also bloody diarrhea. The E.R. doctor told me they found a colitis in my large intestine and told me to see a specialist since bowel cancer and ulcerative colitis run in my family. I did go see a gastroenterologist, and after trying several different medications to try to curb the nausea(Zofran, Promethazine, a couple others I can't recall) with no relief I lost my job and thus my insurance and was no longer able to see a specialist further. I cannot afford a gastro again, but obviously need some kind of help here. Is this something a general practitioner can help me with, or am I best waiting until I've saved up enough for a specialist? \n\nThis is obviously not healthy, and I'm scared that I'm going to slowly kill myself of malnutrition if this continues. I feel miserable. I just want to eat like a normal person. \n", "answer": "Sounds like a medical issue leading to problems keeping food down rather than a mental disorder - though your existing issues might be contributing to it. Does any of your difficulties with eating correlate with your mental health?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p5dzd", "comment_id": "dcpp7tj"}, {"question": "Girl [21F] cancelled on me [21M] for school work", "description": "I started hanging out with this girl, and we started talking and flirting a bit. We ended up setting a lunch hang-out session after class and she cancelled it on the day of because\na)the class ended after lunch hour (around 2:00PM) b)she had a lot of studying to do after class\nShe said we could reschedule for some another time, but I didn't bother being enthusiastic about it yet because I'm the one who initiated the first hang-out in the first place. I'm losing interest in her as I thought she was interested in me judging by the way things were going. But thinking about it, if a girl really wanted to get to know me or liked me, she would go out of her trivial matters to make it happen. Am I overreacting or should I consider this a mismatch?\n\ntl;dr Girl canceled on a chance to hang out with me for school work, we've been flirting for a while and I thought she liked me. If she isn't willing to spare an hour of her life to a guy, it probably means that she's not into him?", "answer": "Maybe she's bit concerned about a long-term future with a guy that considers school work \"trivial?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20l92t", "comment_id": "cg4cpfb"}, {"question": "How to jumpstart stomach in the morning without coffee", "description": "Male, 20, 145 lbs.\n\nI've been relying on black coffee to crap in the mornings, but I don't want to increqse my caffeine tolerance or even relt on caffeine. Any healthier zero calories alternatives?", "answer": "Black coffee has very few calories and is not unhealthy. There are lots of studies on coffee consumption, and while none to my knowledge are the gold standard randomized, controlled, double-blind study (because that's pretty hard to do with food and drink), the studies largely come down on the side of coffee being safe and possibly slightly reducing your risk of a few diseases.\n\nIf you're concerned about caffeine then your options for things to drink are pretty much water, non-caffeinated teas, or decaf coffee or tea (both of which have a little bit of caffeine but much less.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "91hxab", "comment_id": "e2y3p0p"}, {"question": "[Text]Match Day, a story about a crippling defeat, meant to inspire", "description": "Hello Reddit. Please bear with me, this is my first post to reddit. I'm usually one of the guys who reads inspiring posts and carries it throughout the day. This morning I felt compelled to return the favor. ~~I'll try to keep it short~~, but this is my story.\n\nA little bit of background information. Today, the 3rd Friday in February is Match Day and a very important day in the life of a psychology graduate student. After numerous years of education (read: ~10 including college) it is time to be matched to an internship program to complete your doctoral degree. Interviews, traveling across the country, no sleep, laughably broke, rental cars, countless essays, revisions and cover letters all over the past few months submitted into a glorified (read: flawed) computer program all culminates today. \n\nAs you can imagine, it can be a glorious tale of success if you are matched with a program, but it can also be a crippling defeat for someone who didn't get an invite to the ball. If you are the former, congratulations on all of your success, go out and enjoy. This is an amazing accomplishment and you and your family should be very proud. \n\nMy story is for the latter. 3 years ago today, I did not match with a program. I did not get an invite to the ball and all 12 of my friends received better news than I did. I fell into a spiral of sadness, questioning if I did something wrong, how did this happen, what did everyone else do that I must have forgotten. I was desperate for answers, but I was looking in all the wrong places. My mistake, was that I turned inwards, and I doubted everything that I was so proud of hours before. \n\nThe solution was that I finally reached out. I told my friends which helped remove some of the self-doubt. There is one professor in my program who I truly trusted, not only as an educator but as a friend. He made room in his schedule and saw me for over 1.5 hours. Reaching out to others got me the support that I needed to get motivated and have enough resolve to address my weaknesses and fortify my strengths. We made a plan to get additional experiences and work on interviewing skills to make sure I was an ideal candidate for internship for next year. (btw, I did try phase II later that year but also did not match)\n\nMy invite arrived next year. All of my planning and extra effort including working the extra job to support myself and gaining different clinical activities allowed me to get a top notch internship at a VA (highly competitive). Looking back, I had no shot at getting a VA internship the first time around, but I worked harder and got a better site than any of my other friends did the previous year. \n\nI'm writing this today to let you know that it gets better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. The system has failed graduate students because there are quite frankly too many of us and not enough spots. It became this invalidating monster and we are left to face the consequences, but you don't have to do it alone. \n\nAll in all, it was worth waiting the extra year to get a much better site. I have since completed my internship, earned my doctorate, and moved on to a VA Post-Doctoral program. Earlier today, I submitted my application for licensure as a Clinical Psychologist.\n\n**TL:DR** Match Day is a very emotional day, both good and bad. For the latter, reach out to others, your accomplishments are still valuable and if you get motivated and work on your clinical skills everything will work out just fine...maybe even better. Good Luck!\n\nEdit: Some stream of consciousness grammatical errors were made and corrected. I am also learning a few new tricks!", "answer": "Congrats man!! The VA *is* super competitive so big-time kudos to you!\n\nI am in a very similar timeline as you, currently doing post-doc and working on licensure. I didn't go through the national match process to find my internship, but took the easy way out through a loophole APPIC consortium my program created. \n\nI saw the hell my friends went through in the match. A fellow student with awesome grades, stellar resume, and good interviewing skills didn't match. I couldn't believe it. \n\nI do know what the waiting feels like though. I took the EPPP in early January (never got my master's license, so didn't test out of it earlier). Results are supposed to take 6 weeks, which seems odd as the tests is computer scored. I just found out the tests from December and January haven't been processed and that I'll have to wait another 2 weeks. I'm dying. I don't think I did that well, despite studying for months and I worry I'll be broken if I didn't pass.", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "2wk7m8", "comment_id": "cornkou"}, {"question": "bye dudes", "description": "i\u2019m quitting life. Fuck it. i have been so done for so long but this time, imma do it right. \nbest of luck to all of you,\na random internet stranger", "answer": "don't do it! i promise, if you wait this out, it will pass and life will get better!!!", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "fpje9y", "comment_id": "fllp7bi"}, {"question": "If I were to see a therapist/mental health professional for substance abuse, what would happen?", "description": "I\u2019ve been taking opioids for two months (I was first prescribed them then I started stealing them from my mom and sister after I ran out). The last time I took them was March 7 and I feel like I\u2019m losing it. I\u2019ve been looking through my whole house for some kind of drugs and there\u2019s been a couple of times where I almost bought some. \n\nI want to see a therapist or some other mental health professional for this because I have no one to talk to but I\u2019m worried for what they\u2019ll think of me and that they\u2019ll put me on the \u201cdon\u2019t give drugs to\u201d list. \n\nAny advice?", "answer": "You won't be placed on a drug list for seeing anyone. However, when you are prescribed controlled substances there is a database called the PDMP that many states use.\n\nYou would most likely meet with the addiction specialist and complete an evaulation & discussion in which you both would collavoratively come up with a plan of action for getting you support that you need. You would get to decide if you wanted to follow through with recommendations or not and discuss alternatives. It is really nice to have support.\nYou are most likely experiencing residual withdrawal symptoms and it helps to learn how to cope and work through the early stages of recovery. If you want to, you can call the Alcohol and drug helpline which can answer any questions and help connect you with a professional.\n\nThe National helpline number is 1-844-289-0879.\n\n Please feel free to message me anytime if I can support you or answer any questions.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fjo3d1", "comment_id": "fkomx8v"}, {"question": "How do I fight off my sexual fantasy?", "description": "I'll keep this one simple as I can\n\nBeen with my current girlfriend for 2 years, things are great. We've known each other for a lot longer than that. Both interested in getting married in a couple years. \n\nLately, I've been having the urge to sate a sexual fantasy of mine.\n\nI really like MILFs/cougar/older women. I'm 25 right now and I know the older I get the less interesting the fantasy will become to me, but its just something that turns me one\n\nWhen I was single I'd been with two older women, one when I was 21 and another 23, met them online on okcupid and craigslist\n\nAnyways, lately, that fantasy/fetish has been itching at me and I just really want to fuck a MILF again\n\nThe problem is I know my girlfriend would never be open to it. \n\nShes pretty open sexually, we communicate good, she reads smut and I watch porn and we are both extremely open and honest about our sexuality with each other, very positive\n\nI just don't know how to bring this up to her, I don't want her to think I want to cheat on her or do something dishonest\n\nI just don't know what else to do, the only other option would be to just play my cards with a burner email account and stay private but I feel like that just doesn't feel good to me\n\nWhat should I do", "answer": "if one needs to play out fantasies, they are not ready to be in a committed relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q5649", "comment_id": "dcwd8kf"}, {"question": "I have had enough!", "description": "This is the third time i have broken my streak(9days,6days,7days).But now,im coming back with full force,Im gonna make this streak go upto atleast 100now and i wont surrender to fapping again.The 6-7 days i didnt fap gave me a lot of confidence and i dont want go back to that shitty condition of fapping 4-5 times a day.Plus,i feel like i got a girl to like me aswell and become good friends with her. Wish me luck guys,im aiming for A solid 100 this time and i wont give up!", "answer": "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. 100 is good goal, but keep the focus on one day!", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "bn3skb", "comment_id": "en214oz"}, {"question": "What are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "description": "I don't know if this is the right place for the thread. Speaking of mental disorders, what are the top 10 most painful mental illnesses?", "answer": "Anorexia because its the most deadly. Once you're dead, there is no hope for recovery.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2h55jy", "comment_id": "ckqyg1k"}, {"question": "Dysthymia vs Major?", "description": "This past Saturday I had an appointment with a psychologist. It was the first time seeing one in many years and it was most to talk about my Mom and how to deal with her issues. However, she asked me if I had ever heard of Dysthymia and I told her no. I later found out it\u2019s just another word for Chronic Depression. She asked what I had been diagnosed with before and everyone had always told me \u201cmajor depression.\u201d I understand that major is more severe and acute while chronic is more mild but long term. Is it possible to be both major and chronic? I truly don\u2019t feel like I\u2019ve ever been better but I have months where things are better than other months. Anyone know how to tell a difference?", "answer": "I'm really boiling this down and simplifying, so any other professionals, please excuse the over-simplification, but essentially, Major Depressive Disorder would constitute a period of depression with many very severe symptoms, often having a disastrous effect on your ability to work, maintain social relationships, take care of your activities of daily living, etc. \n\nDysthymia is a chronic low level of depression, where in most cases, the person can still function, but their functioning is impaired due to the constant but less severe depressive symptoms (low energy, inability to feel joy, irritability, etc.)\n\nGenerally though their are a lot of similarities in the way they present, in my opinion, I believe they occur due to fairly different circumstances/reasons. \n\nLet me know if this isn't clear or you have any follow up questions.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80erfe", "comment_id": "duv0mn9"}, {"question": "Diagnosing Mental Illnesses", "description": "I've been interested in mental illness for a long time, and one question I have never been able to find a satisfying answer for is the extent to which it can be accurately diagnosed. To give a little personal background, I've never been diagnosed with a mental illness. However, I did see a doctor when I was around 12 or 13 (I lied about my symptoms because I didn't want to be put on medication), and am confident that if I were to see a mental health professional and be honest with them I could get diagnosed with a few disorders. Without going into great detail, I have moderately severe anxiety (mostly social) and depression. I also have a tendency to be paranoid and occasionally things I know aren't true seem to be very real (for example, as a teenager I once convinced myself that I had contracted rabies despite never having been bitten by an animal and displaying no symptoms). Not looking for sympathy, just want to give some context as to where I'm coming from.\n\nIn a college I read David Rosenhan's \"On Being Sane in Insane Places,\" where he essentially displayed the inability of psychiatric hospitals to diagnose schizophrenia. Based on this, I ended up writing a term paper entitled \"The Social Origins of Mental Illness,\" the central argument of which was that most mental illnesses are either just behavior society deems abnormal or are caused to a large extent by an individual's social environment. Building off this idea, I started to try to come up with my own definition of mental health, and have been very unsuccessful. This is largely due to the fact that I don't think I've ever met a human being that I think is sane, myself included. Some people think worshiping the sun is insane, but have no problem kneeling in front of a cross to pray and sincerely believe that they can communicate with a guy they read about in a book who supposedly died over 2000 years ago. To me, that seems to be an indicator of poor mental health. Humanity is destroying the planet that sustains us as a species and yet every day people pile into their cars to drive to a job they hate. I don't believe that any of those people are mentally healthy.\n\nI guess my point here boils down to me not being able to take seriously any diagnosis of mental illness, at least not in this society, because I don't believe I have met anyone who is mentally stable enough, myself included, to make such a diagnosis. Has anyone experienced something similar?", "answer": "Mental illness diagnosis largely revolves around symptoms that cause a considerable amount of distress, whether acute or chronic in nature, depending on the disorder. \nI would direct you to the DSM for criteria for diagnosing mental illness for specifics and because I'm not going to try to list symptoms from memory and call it accurate. \nAn example would be major depressive disorder, which usually goes beyond just feeling sad or hopeless from time to time. Depression symptoms have to be present for something like 6 months straight prior to a diagnosis being made. Some symptoms would be suicidal ideation and planning, hopelessness, feelings of extreme sadness, markedly increased or decreased appetite, overeating or undereating, and extremely low motivation to do anything. \nPeople with manor depressive disorder are locked into a state of these symptoms for months on end without relief, causing considerable distress in their daily life. The main reason for any mental health diagnosis is to provide some understanding for treatment modalities that tend to work well for people experiencing distress from similar symptoms, while the symptoms may present differently in different people. \n\nIt sounds like you have a cynical view of a couple areas, and I've found the only remedy for cynicism is research and diving into the history of the subject you disbelieve or don't trust. Rather than seeking out someone that you believe is sane, I would maybe research what people diagnosed with different mental illnesses show as far as symptoms oraybe take the chance to work in mental health in order to get a comparison of abnormal vs normal behavior. Seeing what society deems as abnormal may help you see the basis for mental health diagnosis, why it exists, and that it isn't a hoax or part of a larger conspiracy fabricated and perpetuated by society. \nI hope this helps\n\nSource: I have been working in mental health since high school and currently work on an inpatient mental health floor and in an ED as a mental health professional. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7up0q3", "comment_id": "dtm6l0p"}, {"question": "Disagreement with \"Gaming Disorder\" Classification", "description": "WHO recently created a new disease classification, called \"Gaming Disorder.\" You can see their article for it online [here](http://www.who.int/features/qa/gaming-disorder/en/).\n\nI am concerned about this classification, because it appears to me that it was made by people who misunderstand what is actually going on. I am afraid that people will suffer from this misunderstanding, and will not receive the treatment they require to get better. Instead, many people (especially children) could be harmed by this.\n\nI am NOT a medical health professional. However, under this new classification, I would have been diagnosed with this illness several years ago, and I have since overcome this problem. Because of these experiences I have had, I have a very good understanding of why people, especially children, play video games too much. If you want to read about my experiences, please read the CONTEXT section bellow.\n\nFirst off, this illness is focused too much on video games. Yes, video game overuse is a problem, but I think that this illness should also include overuse of other forms of media, including social networks, texting, books, magazines, comics, television, and more. If a person uses ANY form of media to the point that they refuse to participate in life, they should be classified as having this illness. For instance, if a child refuses to go to school, and stays up late reading books, this would be an example of what I am talking about.\n\nSecond off, this illness should be renamed to be something like \"Escape Disorder,\" to show that it is not solely related to video games, and to better explain the cause of this disorder in its name.\n\nA person with this disorder, would be unwilling to participate in life, and instead would spend all of his or her time \"escaping\" through the use of his or her chosen media. The best way to help someone with this disorder, is NOT to take away their chosen media, as this will cause the person to become depressed due to them not having anything to do with their life. Instead, this person should be helped so that he or she can become more willing to participate in real life. If the person is able to participate in real life again, the person will STOP using the media too much. Because of this, I do not consider this an addiction!\n\nCONTEXT:\n\nNOTE: The purpose of this is section is not to spread anger at my family. I love my parents, and they love me. They feel just as terrible about how things happened as I do. We have since grown to understand each other better.\n\nWhen I was a kid, my mother was a doctor and would come home screaming at everyone due to stress. My dad was strict, trying to keep her happy, and in turn got mad at me for stupid things. I was young, and had no idea the things were stupid, and felt guilty/scared all the time. My parents got mad even if I got an A, because it wasn't an A+, saying I'm \"smart enough to do better.\" In school, I was a victim to systematic bullying ingrained in my class, and I was sitting alone every lunch in the corner of the cafeteria. I was very depressed, and my only escape was video games. Despite my good grades, games were taken from me, and I was barely able to play anything besides crap freeware games online or pirated things, because my parents thought I played them too much. Even then, they would get very mad at me if they caught anything on my computer. I was told that cartoons were stupid, and I should be ashamed if I liked them. I was told that pokemon is stupid, and that I was better without it. After my parents noticed me watching cartoons on TV, they blocked all those channels, only leaving me to watch PBS children's cartoons when I was way too old to even care for them in sixth grade. This further separated me from my classmates, as they would talk about the latest cartoons, movies, games, etc, and I would not be able to partake. This was made worse with the fact I have breathing issues, and was never able to compete in sports. When I finally got mental help for my depression and anxiety, my mother required me to let her sit with me in each visit (she would get mad at me later if I didn't), and she would always rant to the therapist about how \"everything I think about is Video Games\" and how evil they are. The doctor would then encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities with my classmates, and to \"make more friends\" at school. I would try these things, fail, and get more depressed. Wasn't until I got a head injury from a bully classmate that almost killed me, that my mother realized her mistake. We are all on good terms now, about 10 years later.\n\nI only got better, when I was given more access media like my classmates. After this, I started my slow recovery, and I eventually overcame my anxiety and depression. When this happened, I stopped playing games as much, because in the end, I would rather spend time doing things in real life than online if its possible.", "answer": "The reason for the focus on video games specifically is there has been a major upswing in the recent years of individuals experiencing major health problems or life set backs directly related to their addiction to video games. Research has suggested that video games, especially newer ones (this includes cell phone games as well) are specifically made with the purpose of creating an addiction and brain scans of folks with severe video game addictions are showing similar patterns to those with addictions to hard drugs.\n\n\nYou're right, anyone can become behaviorally addicted to escapist coping skills like tv, reading, table top games, etc. The key difference right now is that as far as the research goes, those things don't create as severe of a change in brain chemistry the way that video games do. There also haven't been as many documented cases of death or other major problems that can be directly related to these things in the ways that video games have. \n\n\nI'm a therapist and I love video games. I play MOBA's with friends a couple nights a week. I think video games can be great for teaching things, helping to socialize with people who live far away, but when misused, can cause really severe problems. This is why they classified this as a disorder. \n\n\nThe other main practical reason is that more and more people are seeking treatment specifically for video game addiction. If you want to use your health insurance for treatment, you need to be given a diagnosis related to that treatment. Classifying this as a disorder helps folks who want to use their insurance for treatment of video game addiction now can and don't have to pay 100's or 1000's of dollars out of pocket. \n\n\nI'm sorry you had such a rough childhood and it certainly doesn't sound like your parents handled your issues the right way at all. I wish things would have been better for you, but that doesn't mean because of your experience that this isn't a legitimate problem for many folks. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "97ojad", "comment_id": "e4apz9s"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "Here\u2019s an email I send friends...\n\nPractice Mindfulness: \n- Square breathing: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds\u2014repeat several times. \n- 4-5-6 breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, breathe out for 6 seconds.\n-reverse nostril breathing\u2014gently push down on one nostril. Breathing 3-5 cycles of deep breaths through the single open nostril. Then reverse and repeat while holding down the opposite nostril.\n- Imagine a soothing and calming color around you as a sort of protective bubble that keeps out other people\u2019s emotions or baggage. Say to yourself \u201cI let go of any stress I\u2019m carrying that does not belong to me.\u201d\n\nFocus on gratitude:\n- Sit down and write a list of all the things you are grateful for. Keep the list with you or on your phone or laptop so you can refer to it often when you\u2019re feeling stressed. Update it frequently \n-tie a gratitude practice into something you do everyday. For example everyday when you brush your teeth thank yourself for something you did the day before. It can be small...I didn\u2019t snap at my friend when he made a sarcastic comment yesterday...\n\nFocus on senses:\n- When you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, wear jewelry or accessories that make you feel good, wear cozy socks or a special scarf. Surround yourself with items that help you feel comfortable and soothed.\n-When you feel yourself getting agitated or irritable take some space. Go into a bathroom, run your hands under cold water, close your eyes and just focus on that sensation. Notice how the water feels on your hands, the temperature, can you imagine the taste or smell of it, can you hear it and it runs over your hands, do you see bubbles? Notice how the water moves\u2026\n-Go into another room and look for all the items in that room on the same color. These little distractions can help reset our mood.\n-try not to fight the anxiety. That will only make it much much worse. Let it be there. Accept it, be curious about it\u2026why is this coming up? What is my anxiety wanting me to pay attention to? What can I notice in how I\u2019m feeling\u2026. Just notice, no judgements!\n\nCarry a physical object with you:\n- Carry a small object that someone you really love gave to you. When you feel anxiety, grief, anger... building, hold this object in your hand and connect with how much love you have for that person and how much they love you. See yourself through this loved one\u2019s eyes and remind yourself of how strongly they care about you.\n- Wear an object that feels protective. Pretend it is magic and its superpower is to banish negativity from those around you. Hold it when you feel annoyed or overwhelmed and focus on the color of it, the texture of it\u2026and remind yourself it is there to protect you.\n-Progressive Muscle relaxation\u2014starting from your toes, working your way up your body slowly, tighten each muscle for 4 seconds, and then relax. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Make sure to do this with your jaw and scrunching eyes. We hold a surprising amount of tension here. As you\u2019re doing this think or say aloud \u201cI am preparing my body for calm and relaxing\u201d\n-listen for sounds and identify without judgment. This will give your brain a minor task to focus on to help is relax and not focus on anxiety. i.e. I hear a neighbor talking, car driving by, dog breathing...\n-keep a journal or notepad by your bed. If you find yourself stuck on to-do lists or trying to remember things, jot them down on the notepad. That way they are waiting for you tomorrow and you don\u2019t have to keep them in your head. Do a 5-10 min brain dump, and stream of consciousness-style, write down whatever is in your brain. It doesn\u2019t have to be full sentences or make sense. The goal is to empty your brain so it can fall asleep more easily \n-if you\u2019re struggling to fall asleep or be present in a moment because of the same thoughts or worries spiraling....imagine a container. Any kind of container, any color, and shape...use your imagination. Imagine what it would feel like if you touched it, what temperature would it be? How big? What\u2019s it made of? Then imagine yourself putting all your worries, fears, stressors in that container. Imagine yourself locking it and putting it aside in a \u2018safe space\u2019 in your mind. Knowing you can come back to those thoughts whenever you want, when you are more rested...", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef4atqx"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "f35xwqf"}, {"question": "Feel like I have cancer \ud83d\ude29", "description": "I found this collar bone lump like two days ago, it\u2019s been worrying me and I can\u2019t go to the doctors until 7th January, they\u2019re not available before that. Some people tell me it\u2019s normal bone anatomy but literally everything I search I don\u2019t find this bone. Look at this picture: https://ibb.co/jgfQ5N6 \nTell me it\u2019s normal bone \ud83d\ude29 it feels like bone, doesn\u2019t move and it\u2019s on my collarbone if not a part of it. I can\u2019t feel it on my other side, what if this is lymphoma?! Would lymphoma grow like that?!", "answer": "I noticed that you've made a lot of posts recently about various health concerns, as well as some symptoms of OCD-like fears when you were younger. It sounds like you could be dealing with health OCD, and are trying to get reassurance that there isn't anything wrong with you. The trap of health OCD is that no amount of reassurance can ever truly make us feel okay for long, because 1) nothing can ever give us 100% certainty that there isn't a problem, and 2) some new fear will always take its place. I linked a good article on health OCD (aka hypochondriasis) below, I'd recommend checking it out and seeing if it rings true to you. \n\n[http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it](http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/hypochondriasis-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-treat-it)", "topic": "HealthAnxiety", "post_id": "e8gvnu", "comment_id": "fac5btt"}, {"question": "I[18/M] started taking classes at a community college a couple of weeks ago, haven't hit it off with anyone. Any advice on starting a conversation and making friends in class.", "description": "I've been going through a lot lately. Ever since I graduated high school I've grown distant from a lot of my friends. I've been trying to take friends in class but I really don't even know how to start a conversation in class. On top of that there aren't many clubs so joining one is out of the question.\nI just don't know how to even start a conversation. I'd like to make friends in my history class for example but I don't know how to even begin a conversation. \"How about those Mesopotamians huh?\" That's just stupid.\nAlso, I have a math class and math tends to be a class I struggle with so I'd like to have a friend to study with, but it's been weeks and I haven't spoken a word to anyone in my class. Also, the class is small so everyone isolates themselves and I don't want to seem like a creep if I go up and sit next to them\nPlease give some advice to this pathetic sap\nAnyone else here been through a similar situation?", "answer": "chat with someone on a break and ask her out for coffee if it goes well.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wnox7", "comment_id": "dm9icu3"}, {"question": "social anxiety and gaming", "description": "I'm sitting here playing this game and someone on my friends list sends me a party invite so of course I have to lie and say I don't have a mic to avoid actually talking. They say we can play together anyways, which is awesome because I never get to play games with people but then they tell me to join the party so at least they can talk to me. I just turned off my console in shame and I feel so stupid. Why can't I just be social? I want to be, I don't like to be lonely. I can't even imagine what they must thinking, me just leaving mid text convo. I'll have to play offline for weeks now out of pure embarrassment and to avoid them asking questions. Anxiety won today. Just venting. ", "answer": "That's a big jump and one you didn't control or set up. Follow Dr. Leo Marvin's sage advice. Stay in the yellow zone and break that shit down into 26 steps. Step 1. Get a headset with a removable mic. Also step 1 play a new MMO where you don't care about the community but they are nice, like Rocket League. GL", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "72nz5n", "comment_id": "dnk4b9s"}, {"question": "Is it safe to consume alcohol while on sertraline?", "description": "I (male, 15, 5 foot 10\u201d, 190lbs), have recently started taking sertraline for my OCD, and I was just wondering if consuming alcohol will affect the results of the drug? I don\u2019t drink often, or heavily. \n\nOn the NHS website it says that it\u2019s fine, but that you could get drunk more easily.", "answer": "The NHS is accurate here. Alcohol doesn\u2019t directly interact, but sertraline can be a bit of a sedative and alcohol and this be more sedating more quickly.\n\nDrinking carefully and in moderation is fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "i7xwmt", "comment_id": "g14wrza"}, {"question": "Will getting put on medication change me?", "description": "I don't know how to word it better than that. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI fucking hate my life I wake up sad I try and sleep as long as possible before I have to get up and do stuff I ruined the only relationship I've ever cared about.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI had the best academic semester of college of my life. I'm making insane money for a college student working a serving job. I'm hitting my physical fitness goals and i'm still just empty and sad. So I think I have to get medication if I want to get better. I'm finally going to the doctor on Tuesday after fighting it for some large side of 3-4 years.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nBut i'm scared. I'm not gonna lose my drive or something am I its not gonna make me some slack off in the gym or school or work will it? seems ridiculous but that scares me more than being perpetually sad.", "answer": "Medication isn\u2019t as scary as it sounds. A lot of anti depressants act more to stabilize your mood and may help to give you more energy. I\u2019ve been taking antidepressants since I was a child and they have helped me a lot.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "bq009k", "comment_id": "enzgvpo"}, {"question": "Was just prescribed cipro for kidney infection and worried about the crazy side effects.", "description": "I am a relatively healthy (27m, 180 lbs) white male that had a UTI advance to a kidney infection and was just prescribed Cipro. I have read up on it and it seems pretty dang scary. Permanently damaging tendonitis, neurological problems, detached retinas etc. I have pretty high health related anxiety. Just wanted some statistics to ease my mind or advice to stay away. Thanks! ", "answer": "You should worry more about an untreated kidney infection than the side effects from the antibiotic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "571qam", "comment_id": "d8p9n5z"}, {"question": "Colpocephaly?", "description": "Hello! I've recently been diagnosed with colpcephaly. My GP can't even pronounce it and I'm being taken to hospital to study for all of next week.\n\nThe only relatives I have that I can ask are either dead or demented beyond asking or not willing to talk about it (mother). I have no idea what I'm meant to do. I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but now after combing the limited info on the internet this makes so much more sense.\n\nI was born 8 weeks premature in 1985 with water in the brain. My parents were told to take photos and say goodbye. That's all I know ... And I've been mostly healthy until 18 months ago when I started having seizures, migranes and general motor issues. It's destroying my life. I can barely work and I can't do anything about disability cos the doctors can't agree what is wrong lol. \n\nSo if anyone knows anything I'd love to hear it! I do not have epilepsy. Beyond that who knows.", "answer": "If you're having recurrent seizures, what makes you say that it is not epilepsy?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jis28", "comment_id": "dz00pel"}, {"question": "[school]I'm at uni now, with 1 more year left to go. I feel completely burned out and have no idea what to do next.", "description": "I have posted something [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/42950u/advice_should_i_pursue_postgraduate_studies/) but did not get any response.\n\nBut let me begin from the start. I am currently in law school. It's an American style law in the sense that I'm not going to graduate with a JD, nor it is my second degree. Law in my country (Malaysia) is taught in first degree i.e. LLB. This course is four year long. But to be successfully admitted into this course, we need to attend a preparatory class for 1 year, pass that, and you land yourself in 1st year of LLB. As of now, I am in the 3rd year of the course, that means, I have spend 4 years in this Uni.\n\nAnd I think, I can't stand this lifestyle any more. It is so exhausting. I really don't see the point of studying here. We have a very Asian model of education, that means, very less interactive study, more mindless mugging of legal jargon, which only seems to increase as time goes by.\n\nI don't feel very positive about this. Heck, I don't feel like I'm even learning. This makes me think that perhaps I'm less fit to be pursuing a career as a lawyer. But there's still time to decide on that later.\n\nMy question now is that, 1) should I take a break in my studies, and take a year long break, and do something else? Have anyone done this before? How is your experience? 2) What should I do after my studies? What else can I do if I don't want to enter the legal field. What are other options available for me? Preferably, I would like to work in the creative industry. Can I still work there, considering, I don't have an arts / business / marketing background?\n\nThank you for taking time reading this, and do share below, if you an advice, or had similar experiences. ", "answer": "1) My concern would be that if you took a break, then decided to continue school, you would look back on the exhaustive work you did to get out and never gain the motivation to start that up again. 2)I am not sure what classes you have taken nor am I familiar if credits would carry into another degree outside of law. That is something you have to look into. \n\nThink about your future. Imagine yourself as a lawyer. Do you like the view you see? Does it make you feel proud? If so then perhaps continuing is not such a bad idea. Do you not like the view? Does it not interest you? Then find something that gives you that spark and follow it. There is time to change your path. There is always time so do not pressure yourself. If it helps, when I was in graduate school to become a therapist, at times it felt as if it was dragging on and that I was not even learning anything. Now, I'm surprised when knowledge comes to mind that I did not remember learning. What I'm saying is, school can be a drag. It should be a drag. If it was easy then everyone would be lawyers!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46info", "comment_id": "d05jxxd"}, {"question": "HIV test result accuracy 4years after exposure?", "description": "Sex\\- Male\n\nAge\\- 20\n\nWeight\\- 68kg\n\nOk so i had my one time unprotected sexual exposure roughly around 4 years ago. 3.5years after my exposure i did a Hiv Ag/Ab combo test which was thankfully negative. Since my exposure i have not had any sexual exposure. Then again last week i did another hiv test which was also thankfully negative \\(4years after exposure\\) and 10months after my first test.\n\nMy question and WORRY is that can i be safe and sure the test RESULTS was accurate? i am worried since i did the test like 4 years after exposure maybe it could have affected it, due to doing test 4 years later?? do hiv antibodies remain forever in an infected person? would anything affect the test results or should i not worry about it and why?\n\nThanks", "answer": "No test is 100%, but you\u2019ve been tested twice and HIV tests are designed to over- and not under-recognize infection. You are almost certainly in the clear.\n\nYou don\u2019t explicitly bring it up, but you imply that after a long time the test might not be as good. Since untreated HIV can only get worse, a test years later is only going to be more able to detect the virus if it\u2019s there.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i5qt8", "comment_id": "dypaepf"}, {"question": "I got poisoned! HELP! 22[M]", "description": " someone broke into my house and poisoned me, I know I have something under my skin because the person that did it told me so. What do I do to get it out of my system? Where do I go and what do I say? I know for sure I have something in me that keeps ruining my body but have no idea how to get it out. They said that I have tattoos under my skin that keep aging me also that drinking water is bad for me. I can feel my organs under stress and I'm also restless all the time, I can feel something like a heartburn sometimes, and I used to vomit in the morning occasionally but now I don't. I got poisoned twice, one time around a half a year ago and a second time around three weeks ago.\n\nI am 22 years old male 180 cm in height I have schizophrenia currently taking 15 mg olanzapine and have no other medical problems", "answer": "I think helpful advice has been given and this is turning into an argument instead. Closing the discussion.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ealjks", "comment_id": "favu82b"}, {"question": "How late is acceptable?", "description": "My appointment was at 10 and it\u2019s almost 10:40. First initial appointment. Is this normal?", "answer": "15 minutes max. That's generally what clients I work with are told. If they are more than 15 minutes late, I won't see them and they'll be charged the no show fee. \n\n\nIf there's ever a time I'm more than 15 minutes late due to an emergency or something, they're given one get out of jail free card essentially where I won't charge them for running late. Same things goes with cancelling within less than 24 hours. If I ever have to do it to a client which is extremely rare, they get a pass the next time they do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bdvdjl", "comment_id": "el1seiq"}, {"question": "Where to start when searching for affordable therapists?", "description": "I am tired of living like this. I've made the decisions to try and get professional help. But, I'm not sure where to start when trying to find affordable therapists. Do I go through my healthcare to find one? Do I just start googling therapists around me? Also, to those who do go to therapy, is it hard to find one that you are comfortable with? Any help would be appreciated. I feel like this is a huge step in my life, and want to get better. Thank you.", "answer": "If you have health insurance, this will definitely be your cheapest option. Start there. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3m55fb", "comment_id": "cvc935q"}, {"question": "Finally dealing with my mental illness.", "description": "Hey people! I'm a 20 year old female who suffered from the passing of my dad 4 years ago. Within that time I've gained over 45lbs and have been sucked into a deep pit of anxiety. Making a very long story short, I had a very eye opening talk with my mother, and she has finally gotten me to see a doctor about my mental health issues. I took to reddit hoping to get some advice on my visit to my new/first doctor tomorrow. Thanks for reading, hope to hear advice. :-) ", "answer": "Psychiatrist here. Advice is to be completely honest (about yourself and the doctor!), keep an open mind on treatment options, and (assuming that it's directly related to the bereavement) keep realistic about your expectations - it's about being in control over the loss rather than the loss controlling you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "577fgb", "comment_id": "d8qmgge"}, {"question": "Help making conversation", "description": "I'm a college student here and I just can't seem to keep a conversation going. I can easily walk up to someone, say hi, and start a conversation, but I have a hell of a lot of trouble keeping it going. I can never find common ground, and when I do, the topic runs dry fast. Any help?", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) should be right up your alley :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "16xpo7", "comment_id": "c80hrbo"}, {"question": "What is an anger disorder for an adult? I keep seeing oppositional Defiance disorder but it seems to relate around kids. Does it affect adults as well?", "description": "My dad has always had a very quick temper and yells and screams and makes a big deal out of nothing. I've been out of his house for 10 years but he still wants to remain in contact with me but he has not changed his attitude. Any other anger disorders that I can bring to his attention?", "answer": "There isnt really one as anger tends to be a symptom of something else. ODD is a pretty sketchy diagnosis at the best of times too. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "akzd1t", "comment_id": "efac3dd"}, {"question": "State Mental Health Budget Cuts", "description": "I work as a House Manager at a group home in Missouri which provides services to kids and young adults with a myriad of behavior issues and developmental disabilities. Budget cuts are hitting hard and will very soon be affecting the amount of staff we can have at any given time to support these clients. I need help, who can I contact and what can I do to make my voice and those that I work with/for heard?", "answer": "Contact anyone and everyone. Contact your mayor, governor, your state representatives, your US senators, and your US representative. And see if you can find any grants. In these times- searching high and low and being relentless and risking being annoying is your best bet.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gaacs", "comment_id": "caieawz"}, {"question": "Is it right to give positive reinforcement when someone says they haven't been self-harming?", "description": "I volunteer with a suicide/emotional support charity that receives emails. Each volunteer receives the next email that hasn't been answered rather than the person in need being assigned to any number of people. A person I volunteer with approached me about an email I sent in which I expressed that it is a good thing that the person in need has managed to stop themselves from self-harming. Their problem was that if I express that we find it positive that they are not self-harming, if they start to self-harm again they won't tell us because they think we will be disappointed. \n\nIs it wrong that, as a general rule, I have given positive reinforcement when people don't do negative behaviours like this? Would a therapist do the same?", "answer": "Positive reinforcement is about increasing a behavior. It may be helpful to reinforce the coping skill , rather than focus on the absence of a behavior. For example, if someone didn't cut because they went for a walk, journaled, or called a friend, you could reinforce this behavior because this is what it sounds like you want to increase.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8v4y6", "comment_id": "fopsghd"}, {"question": "I Need Help with a Girl.", "description": "Hey guys this is my first time posting and a throw away account but I'll give this a try:) (sorry for length) \nA little background. Ok so I'm a 17 year old male in high school. I have only had 1 girlfriend and that was 8th grade. Withought being cocky or anything I feel I have to mention that I am one of the most popular people in my school and I've been told by many girls I'm by far the most attractive guy in my school (1,500 people in my Hs) but, I am an introvert. So I like to be alone a lot, I don't have any problem talking to girls but I just don't much. Anyway, I'm very odd in the fact that I can pretty much have any girl I want but I don't have any of them because I don't want them haha. Long story short, I now have the reputation of being very \"Hot\" but I'm not interested in girls, which atleast in my school is true. Until a certain lady moved to my school a few months ago and I can't get her off my mind. This is probably bad story telling so if people respond I'll clarify but really me question is what do I do? Literally every girl likes me, and I can feel stare at me a lot EXCEPT her, like the only girl I care about noticing me, I don't think she does. I'll make a move if I get a signal Bc she is talkin to someone right now and I don't want to mess that up for her for no reason. Anyway, I don't want to go in depth because I prolly won't get a response but if I do I will clarify I few things! Thanks guys:)", "answer": "Just ask her out like a human being would. Try not to over-awe her with your amazingness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694xoc", "comment_id": "dh3so55"}, {"question": "What to eat to lose weight with PCOS", "description": "I currently weigh 252, down from 283, but I still have ways to go. I was wondering what kind of things you guys eat to lose weight in a healthy way. I exercise about everyday as well.\nThanks!!!!", "answer": "Broccoli, Cauliflower and pretty much all vegetables\nBaked fish\nPork\nEggs in all forms (omelettes, hard boiled, scrambled)\nNuts in reasonable serving sizes\n1 serving of fruit a day (or 2 maximum); try to avoid watermelon / melons because it's just mostly sugar. \n\n\nI avoid: beef (in Chinese medicine this isn't good for people with PCOS), dairy, and rice, bread, pasta.\nFor some reason I also heard that mung beans aren't good for people with PCOS. \n\nI started taking inositol and drink ginger tea (again, another chinese medicine thing, but ginger tea is yummy either way). I'm considering increasing the amount of cinnamon I eat, but I need to investigate this more first.\n\n... Of course, I've only done this for about a week, so I don't know if it'll give me results yet, but this is what I'm trying. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3li5vf", "comment_id": "cv6knko"}, {"question": "What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)", "description": "# What can I do with a political science degree(plz help)\n\n***Good Day to everyone in this website, I need advice regarding what I can do with my degree***\n\nI'm a young college student with aspirations to eventually hold some sort of office in the future(Local/State). I know I can pursue law with a political science degree, But is there anything else I should be aware of? Sometimes a get anxious because I feel like if the law path doesn't work out for me, ill be stuck with a degree useless for the job market. in other words, I don't have a plan B. What should I do? should a minor in business administration? Any advice, criticisms ,etc is acceptable", "answer": "Pretty much every college has some sort of a career center. Go check it out and see if you can meet with an advisor or counselor about it! They can help you come up with different types of jobs, help you analyze what you're good at, and help you plan out what future steps you should take. There's a gazillion jobs out there that most people have never even heard of. \n\nRemember also - an academic major is not a conveyor belt directly into a certain kind of job. There's lots of careers out there that don't require a specific major, they just want to know that you can handle college-level thinking and work. I recommend checking out some job fairs early on in your college career just to see who's hiring and what's in demand.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d8936k", "comment_id": "f18jyzr"}, {"question": "Is it weird or creepy to bring up things that you remember about a person you're talking to?", "description": "There have been a few times when I'm talking to someone, and I mention something that they told me some time ago. I don't just bring it out of the blue, but for example, if we're talking about college, I'll say something like \"You want to major in mechanical engineering, right?\" Sometimes they appreciate me remembering but other times I get a weird look and a quick \"yeah.\" \n\nJust recently I was texting a girl. About 2 days before she posted on her Snapchat story that she was on a road trip. She had gotten back when I was texting her, so I asked her how her trip was, but I got no reply. Was it weird to ask that?\n", "answer": "I think it's a great thing! It shows you've been paying attention and care enough about the person to commit a detail about them to memory. \n\nHowever, especially with younger people, social media transcending into real life can feel a little awkward. Like, people spend so much time on social media and love people to acknowledge their posts and things, but I don't know if I've ever heard someone take something that has happened on social media and then begin a conversation about it in person. I'm not saying it's wrong inherently, but society as a whole is still figuring out how to navigate their online and real lives, so it could be a slight faux pas. One way to make the transition a little easier might be to phrase your comment like \"hey I saw on (whatever social media) that you did such and such, how was it?\" \n\nBut to answer your question, I don't think you did anything wrong and if she decided from that one single interaction that she didn't like you anymore, than that's petty as fuck. If she had in fact lost interest, it was due to a combination of things over time or maybe she was never that interested in the first place. If someone I liked asked me about something I posted on social media, I would love it - faux pas or not. \n\nDon't stress about it too much, you're overthinking! \n\n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6p8mbo", "comment_id": "dknz7p2"}, {"question": "Alcoholism in males vs in females", "description": "I hope this isn't the wrong sub. It's not a question about symptoms I have, but it is the kind of question I think would best be answered by a doctor. I don't see any rules regarding this and there aren't any other subs that seem to suit the question better.\n\nSo, from what I've read online, men are twice as likely to become alcohol-dependent as women. I'm assuming this fact is based on stats of alcoholics who have sought help, or else we wouldn't know about them.\n\nWhen I look at my friends, acquaintances, people I came into contact with at college, and people I see online on social media, though, it seems like there are a lot more females who are really, really into alcohol than males. They don't talk about it like they think it's so bad, but listening to what they say, it's obvious they have some issues with drinking. I'm not sure I know any men who are heavy drinkers, whereas more than half of the women I know drink very heavily. I know these observations are anything but scientific and can be influenced by a plethora factors, but I figure every study must start somewhere.\n\nCould it be as I have observed? Could there be more alcoholism in females, with underreported cases, perhaps due to personality or social norms? Or could it be, again because of factors such as personality or social norms, that women are more likely to be open about their drinking habits? Or am I just ridiculously biased?\n\nI'd also be interested in knowing whether there are any physiological factors that result in differences between how men and women handle alcohol or become alcohol-dependent, which may or may not even shed light on the subject I brought up.\n\nThanks so much, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub for this sort of thing!", "answer": "Your observations are sound (though as you say, not scientific). Men tend to be higher risk, but theres a latent group of female alcoholics that are just not accessing addiction services.\n\nAlcohol prevalence differs from country to country, dependent on legality and culture, as well as genetic predisposition (ethnicity, familt history). The price of alcohol also has a significant bearing on rates. In Scotland, we suffer some of the highest rates of alcoholism in Europe, compounded by cheap alcohol. Minimum unit pricing will help with this.\n\nMen and women are affected differently, primarily because of the differences in body fat/fluid proportions, amongst other things.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51ddj5", "comment_id": "d7bd315"}, {"question": "[23/F] Husband [24/M] talking to girls and lying about it.", "description": "I'm [23/F], I recently caught my husband [24/M] sending texts and calling girls - no problem. Problem is he is going to great lengths to delete each text and call from the log (not deleting to save space - leaving old texts from months ago on there, immediately deleting texts from these girls). \n\nMy question is, is there ever a reason you would do this that doesn't mean I'm being cheated on? I directly asked him if he was doing it before ever checking his phone, and he denied it. I checked his phone only as final evidence, and caught him. I already caught him in that lie. How can I trust him that nothing is going on, if I know he directly lied to my face about that?\n\nMen of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\n**tl;dr: husband sending texts and calling girls, deleting logs and texts, asked him about it, he lied.**", "answer": "> Men of Reddit, have you ever hidden texts and calls from your SO and there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on? Please help me get some insight.\n\nYep. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "yfpqj", "comment_id": "c5v4ma4"}, {"question": "Perfusionist?", "description": "So I've looked around and found the perfusionist career but I'm wondering how long it takes to become a perfusionist? Does it take 4 years of undergrad then 4 years of the perfusionist program or what?", "answer": "[Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfusionist) seems to give a reasonable account of what's expected to become a perfusionist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53azrg", "comment_id": "d7rm285"}, {"question": "I'm in art school.", "description": "I suffer with depression and apparently so does everyone here. So I'm told. But why is it so hard for me to notice that? They're just so good at faking it? Bottling it up during school? Why is my depression spilling to the surface and onto my facial expressions? Why is it affecting what I say and how I say it? Why can't I fake it? I unload all my negativity out on everything.\n\nIt almost feels like a competition now, that they're better at being depressed than me. \n\nI'm also told that it will last forever and I should just learn to live with it. And sometimes I'm convinced that's true and start thinking that without depression, I won't be able to do art. \n\nSometimes I have periods of remission where I start to eat well, begin to exercise and wake up early. I know if I stuck to it maybe I'd feel better. It does help. But it only lasts a few days until my next trigger of bad emotions. Whether it's a fight with my husband or an emotional breakdown due to anxiety. After that I just feel numb, like right now. And contemplate suicide. All while I think what a joke I am compared to every other depressed person at my school. It's just a never ending cycle that can't break. I'm so exhausted. \n", "answer": "One of the biggest fallacies that so many young artists of all mediums seem to have is that mental illness is needed for creativity or artistic talent. There are plenty of famous artists that had severe mental illness, this is true. There are also plenty that didn't have any substantial mental illness. The ones with were not talented because they had mental illness. They were talented in spite of it. \n\nSevere depression doesn't always last forever. For those that have a severe chemical imbalance (which is not the majority of those who do experience depression) they will have to learn to cope and will likely need medication consistently if they want to avoid serious bouts in the future. For most people that experience depression, they can overcome it through therapy and life-style changes. \n\nThe hardest part about being a therapist is not the actual work that we do with clients or having to learn and maintain all we know about psychology. The hardest part is day in and day out being around hurting people. That is why from the beginning of our training we learn the overall importance of self-care and how to separate ourselves from overly negative environments, at least to be able to come up for air occasionally. Make sure you find a way to do that with your school and find a way to spend a good amount of time around happy and healthy people as well. \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com) ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "731ce0", "comment_id": "dnmwouz"}, {"question": "Starting the new year off by taking antidepressants for the first time!", "description": "Hey y\u2019all, I (24F) am starting Wellbutrin/Bupropion. Does anyone have any words of advice? The pharmacist said with or without food, do you recommend taking with a meal? I\u2019m starting on 150XR. Thanks in advance! Happy 2020!", "answer": "Sounds like a good way to start off the new year. Here's some things to keep in mind:\n\n1. Start off taking it with meals to see if you can tolerate okay (one common side effect is nausea). It also helps you get into a dosing schedule, which is super important. Breakfast time is usually best especially when starting a new medication (so you aren't having major side effects after a dose before bed). Remember, consistency is key with dosing medications: you want to try and take it around the same time every day. \n\n2. Be mindful of side effects. You can look them up or ask your pharmacist for a sheet. Common ones for Wellbutrin are nausea and loss of appetite. There are some more uncommon ones like headaches and dizziness. Until you have a general idea how it affects you be mindful of your activities\n\n3. Antidepressants can cause a short term introduction or increase in suicidal ideation. It is temporary but can suck. Keep your doctor and other professionals in the loop if this occurs for you.\n\n4. Antidepressants help take the edge off your symptoms but do not necessarily eliminate them. Pairing medication use with other interventions like therapy, exercise, healthier diet, and social interaction will maximize the impacts of the medication. It also helps you remain less reliant on it for relief. Don't forget good sleep hygiene too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiiyd9", "comment_id": "fcqpy7u"}, {"question": "A giant fuck you to the people on here saying horrible things in the comments.", "description": "damn, alot of people who post here are emotional/at their wits end. I just want to say to these fuckhats.. (can't use names, because apparently that is more of an offence than attacking people with hatred) I hope you are satisfied with being a giant cunt, because your internet words may actually cause something bad to happen. Fuck you with a hockey stick.", "answer": "Agreed- I've posted with alts before and been hit with some serious venom. It's \"offmychest\" not \"ridiculemyopinionbyinsertingyourownassumptions\" \n \nAll the responses to my last post complaining about a friend were along the lines of \"you don't know what you're talking about you cunt!\" - Thanks guys, I'm sure you know the situation better than I do. \n \nEdit: wow, is there some kind of actual infiltration/concerted troll effort going on? These comments are HORRENDOUS. But at least I can take comfort in the stupidity of it all.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1olzjr", "comment_id": "cctaahu"}, {"question": "SO is suffering a mental illness", "description": "Just a heads up, I am going to talk about how I didn't think depression was real.\n\n\n\n\n**Backstory:**\nHi. I recently found out that my fiance is suffering from a depression. I didn't think depression existed because it was never in my life. I always thought people could just not be sad. And whenever I heard someone talk about depression the symptoms just sounded like regular emotions that everyone experienced and I thought they just needed to \"Get Over It\". I know that's terrible and I am so sorry I ever thought that. But I was an ignorant kid.\n\n\nBut now depression has entered my life through my SO. I still don't understand it. She explains how she feels emotions like shame and guilt constantly and struggles to find meaning in life. She used to be able to hide it from me. For years she would break down out of sight, like \"go for a walk\" and come back a few hours later. I know she was anorexic growing up so I thought long walks were just a habit she developed as a kid and that she just liked walking now. (She is a healthy weight now, she was upfront about anorexia so I could keep an eye out with her for relapse)\n\n\n**Whats Happening Now:**\n\nShe has started an anti-depressants and therapy. She seems to enjoy and look forward to therapy. But she is feeling ashamed of needing drugs. Her mood seems to have increased but it's only been a couple months so I don't know if it's progress or if she is just having a good few months and will crash later.\n\nWe recently had a conversation where she explained her feelings. It was a lot of guilt and shame. She is also convinced that she is abusive to me, when she absolutely is not.\n\nShe is a great person but is convinced she isn't. She has an amazing job, we have a nice place, we aren't \"rich\" but we don't have money troubles, and she has lots of friends/family that love her. \n\nI'm so confused. I don't understand depression at all. The feelings she is having seem to be coming from no where. \n\n**Why I'm Here:**\n\nI really just wanted to write all of this down to kind of wrap my head around how I feel about this. I started just writing it in notepad and realized that if I was going that far I might as well post it to see if anyone had any advice or had been in a similar situation and could explain what is going on.\n\nSo if anyone can shed any light on what I can do to help, or even just not make it worse. That would be greatly appreciated. \n\nThanks for reading and giving me a place to share.\n\nEdit: I'm in the USA.", "answer": "This is a really well thought out post. I'm sorry your SO is going through all of this. Depression really sucks and as you now can see IS much different from generally feeling sad. \n\nThe decision to enter therapy and even to take meds is an incredibly courageous one. There's still such a ridiculous stigma surrounding mental health in our country that to say \"Ya know what. I don't care about that. I'm going to do what I need to help myself.\" takes a lot of strength. \n\nAs her SO, keep this in mind always. You can help her, but there's nothing you can do to \"fix\" her. She is responsible for her own recovery and is also responsible for the actions she takes that may be influenced by her illness. \n\nWhat you can be is loving, supportive, motivating, without being a push-over or enabler. \n\nI hope this helps some and good luck to you and your SO!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xt919", "comment_id": "dub27ua"}, {"question": "dressing as a goth - do therapists hate it?", "description": "do they pick and choose whom to come down on for this? because some hate \"cute smiles\" or some such?", "answer": "Why would someone who has never met or even seen you have an \u201cinnate grudge\u201d. Against what?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f15m7u", "comment_id": "fh96m9z"}, {"question": "Doeth ADHD cause you to need more sleep ?", "description": "Just read an article on REM and NREM sleep, so they both sort experiences during the day that you did, so it sorts away stuff that is not necessary, and sorts in stuff that is necessary, considering that ADHD makes you take in more stuff, whetever you want it or not, unfiltered experiences, wouldn't that mean you'd need more sleeep? \n\nSorry if stupid question.", "answer": "I get way more sleep than normal when unmedicated. I can flat out sleep for 12 hours every single night. \n\nI put it down to coping though. My brain learnt that when I am overwhelmed sleeping is a good way to kind of reset. So when I am unmedicated I'm always overwhelmed and I sleep lots.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "dwna36", "comment_id": "f7kqmzp"}, {"question": "6 Months of Sobriety - Starting my life over again @ 31 years old", "description": "I am a 31 year old male living in the okanagan and want to share my story, the good, bad and gruesome. This account is a throw-away for obvious reasons as i am going to share something extremely personal and something i had hoped would never come to light, Hopefully this will help someone stay sober as the results of extreme binge drinking will become evident here. I am using a VPN and TOR to upload these pictures to protect my future from my past. \n\n \n\n\nNever imagined it would be possible for me to get to 6 months of sobriety, i had resigned to being an alcoholic and thought if i could just drink myself to death i would not have to deal with any of the repercussions. I worked up in northeastern BC on the Alberta boarder my entire life, the oil boom made sure i was never wanting for work. Three years ago my drinking was out of control but i could function, i ended up getting a 3rd DUI after sitting in my car in the parking lot of a bar laying out rails of cocaine, i wasn't done drinking but i knew i would get cut off soon if i didn't have some resemblence of a human being. I drove a old peice of shit car miled out and never maintained, it was unreliable. I had a \"jump\" battery pack i used in place of the actual battery as the alternator failed to produce enough power to keep the vehicle charged, or i had a drain. I had chalked up two lines on my center console before a undercover pulled infront of me and lit up. i quickly brushed the cocaine onto the floor and threw the baggies i had in the passanger footwell (it was a rolling garbage can, shit all over) i got picked up with \"Due care and control\" of being in a running vehicle.\n\n \n After this i couldn't make it to work anymore and conseqently lost my job, seeing as cocaine was so cheap and i was a responsible adult i had virtually no money left. This halted my drinking but i started to get chest pains so i went to the doctor and was advised to cut back on the drink then quit. what he said scared me enough it worked, for 113 days i was sober. During that short stint i got a job, was praised for my work ethic and made real progress. I worked at a BCHydro Substation for three months, subcontracted out as a equipment operator.\n\nI met a old oldboy welder named Norm F. who i still think to this day was sent by my higher power, his hands we're gnarled and unlike anything i had ever seen, he said he welded for years without gloves. We got to talking and got on the subject of sobriety, he told me his story of being an alcoholic, losing his wife and kids with his fasination for the bottom of a Royal Reserve whiskey bottle. In the short amount of time i had known him i found him to be genuine and kind almost to a fault. He was an AA Sponcer and suggested i go to a meeting or two, i agreed but secretly thought i had it under control thus i never followed through. \n\nHe had convinced me to go back to school and pick up a trade, natually i went with welding as i enjoy building things. During school my life was going so well and it held so much promise that i figured it would not hurt to reward myself after my first week with a 6 pack, as you can guess over the following 7 months of school it became routine again. I ended up completeing my course with an average test score of 93%, would of been higher if some of the questions were not wrong. After school i got a job at a Welding/Fab shop in my town, 90% of welding is fabrication and fit, not something they teach you in school so the learning curve was massive. I started at 18$ an hour (average starting wage for around here) and was promised a 2$ raise in a few months, i worked with a short,insecure and aggresive shop forman who would shittalk the employees to the boss on a regular basis.\n\n \nI found this to be routine and ignored it as common workplace practice for him. Over the following 10 months of working there i had my welding machines fucked with and my fabrication jobs very vague in detail. Small mistakes became end of the world scenario's, by this time i was drinking everyday after work, 12 beers of strong beer or more. Would come in the morning and reek like booze but never noticed, my jobs started to entitle less welding/fabrication and more gathering and cutting material, cleaning and the like. My raise was continiously put off for months on end. \n\n \nOne day me and another student from my class who was working there went out to a shut down rig with the owner of the welding company to do some welding. Soon as we got there i was told by the owner \"You are not getting a raise yet\", oblivious to the reasoning and again rather than welding i was brought to do 90% of the prep work for the other employee. I had left a tool in the snow and got chewed out by the boss for this, how other people would get fired for this at other shops etc, during the ass chewing and jerks back, rails me in the face with his fist and falls flat on his ass. He appologies profusely, he slipped on a rig mat under the snow (metal with snow = slippery). So needless to say i had a very shitty day, went home and drank till i blacked out, called in to work saying i was \"Sick\" and was told not to come back, he will call when i can come back. After a week or so of drinking everyday till i blacked out i had twisted the story into a full out assualt in my mind and he was the enemy and it was law (i dont know about this) that you had to give a raise after 6 months. \n \nI got a phonecall and came in, a new guy had started and i just ended it right then and there. Said i quit, he was pleased and quickly wrote my hours down in my log book and stamped it. During this time my car had completely ceased to work and had cracked something to the point oil was on the headers. I had no way to get to work even if i had work, thank god i lived 5 blocks from the liquor store, i floated on what i had left and drank for a solid 3-4 months before i went looking for work. First place i went to was another welding/fab shop and was hired right off the bat no need to check references. (oil boom, yay!) \n\n\nI was tested out in the fab shop with yet another, small bitter angry old man with the same name as my last shop forman, this guy was a raging alcoholic. He rode me trying to belittle me as much as possible as not to \"Outshine him\" i guess, he lacked any welding tickets. After a few altercations he gave me space and respect, from there i was given more responsibility and outside service for the first time. Learning curve was steep, i had rig tool pushes (rig formans) yelling at me constantly because i was charged out at 140$ an hour. this created a very stressful environment and consequently more alcohol, i was always on call for this job since rigs run 24 hours a day. I would get calls from my boss (who was a great guy to work for) but be too shitfaced to pick up and do what i know he was calling me to do. \n\n\nThis went on for about 4-5 months before my drinking became all consuming, i was always sick... i feigned of all things stomach cancer. And got him to lay me off, i got my Welfare/EI cheques and started drinking constantly. for almost 8 months I drank till i blacked out, and passed out on my mattress in my shitty trailer with my shitty life. grief, remorse and failure consumed me and made me isolate avoiding family and being visibly angry at the presence of anyone i never expected. My shitbox trailer became a shameful sanctuary away from the hateful world which i refused to participate in, it was falling apart around me and i never gave a shit because it didn't matter. i had a 60oz bottle of vodka in the freezer and Maceroni and Cheese, it was a good day today and thats how i lived, tunnel vision. \n\n\nDuring my 8 months of drinking i had burned through all the employment insurance time i was allotted and stopped paying bills (like land tax/home insurance/Medical/Pad Rent/Morgage, i paid for internet, electricity and utilities) it came to the point that i had to pay or get evicted. My father came in and co-signed in the morgage and linked our accounts. my main account was overdrafted $-1200.00 at this point and i had bills to pay. at first i put my fathers account into overdraft just enough to cover the pad rent/morgage while i looked for work, i talked myself into needing a few drinks to loosen up before calling about a job. I started again, and decided to drink myself to death and during this time i had maxxed out my fathers account. He only noticed when the bank called him about a $-2,974.00 overdraft on his account. \n\n\nThis was just in the beginning of december last year, i was confronted about the massive overdraft and the results we're admitting i had a drinking problem and to seek help. i tried stopping but got sick, i tried cutting back but it didn't work anymore i couldn't control myself, a week later i was asked if i wanted to ride with my father and go 1100km south to have christmas with my mother. i was reluctant at first knowing it would be very tough but i figured maybe i could stop for two weeks and then tough it out again when i get back and get it \"under control\" I agreed. \n\n\nDecember 18th the day before we leave i figured this was going to be it, so i will drink all i have left and then sleep 90% of the way there. I drank a 40oz bottle of alberta pure vodka and blacked out early afternoon, in the morning my father pulled up in his white dodge and knocked on my door. I wake up angry because i am confused, i see him and remember. He doesn't say a word after looking at me through the window of the door, and walks back to his truck. I do my morning blitz/routine and put on my shoes to follow, i get in the truck and pass out again thinking 20 seconds of mouthwash (that i swallowed) would mask any evidence of last nights activity. \n\n\ni brought no clothes or presents with me because it never even occured to me through the haze. My father said nothing about it and we left with me sleeping in the passenger seat, I had no idea at the time that this was actually a rescue mission. i woke up about 5-6 hours later half way there and realised my mistake, but never said anything. my old man just happened to turn off the highway to get a coffee shortly after i woke up. \n\n\nWe arrived at my mothers and was greeted with outstreched arms, the first few days i got sick then better. we talked about my drinking problem and i laid out my plan which would have NEVER worked, she asked me to stay 1 month and go to a rehab program. i balked at the idea internally, i figured i just needed a 2 week break to get ontop of it. I was planning on turning it down and going back up north with my old man when he returned. \n\n\nThen i got a call from a very close family friend around my age, he got addicted to fentynal (opiate) and was doing a 9 month rehab program that he was 2 months into. I had seen him shortly before when he was in the hospital for a 2nd attempt at taking his own life. A husk of a human, broken and dead, but over the phone i could physically feel his relief and enthusiasm it was like he was sending positive energy through the phone and it changed how i was feeling. We talked for some time and he convinced me to stay and accept effectively saving my life. i went through rehab down here, went to AA meetings and was blown away with the kindness and understanding of these perfect strangers, I could see myself in everyone's story. \n\n\nI stayed down here for 3 months before i headed back up north, but this time it was to gather my belongings and clean out my trailer for sale. When i got within 100km of my old home town i felt the old familiar weight, when i got back to my trailer and [saw how i was living it was a mindfuck.](http://imgur.com/a/pV9JB) How could i feel this is all i deserved? How was i ok with this? I started cleaning everything out, 3-4 truckloads of shit hauled away before i had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I could not handle looking back on my previous life, i could not disassociate it with myself and i couldn't understand how i never saw it or chose to ignore it. \n\n\nI have been down here for 187 days now and i have got back my life back, i have sent out dozens of resumes however with no references for obvious reasons, i only got one call back for a fabricator position and i had a trial period in which i was never welding nor fabricating, just monkey/labour work. Never got a call back, so i guess they got two days of free labour. I just returned from my old home town after signing the papers to put it up for sale however the oil slump will effectively leave me with nothing, but good riddance. My Life is on the up and up, i am looking forward to finding work and earning enough to start a small one person business in the not-so-distant future. I have hope now, something which i forgot about and to live life without it again is unthinkable to me. \n\n\nI know there is going to be someone out there that will see this and think only about the differences between us, but i ask that you stop and count the differences and the similarities. Which had the bigger number? you might never go down as fast as i did but make no mistake, we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful.\n\n\nTL:DR Lost job #1 Got sober, went to school got a trade, started drinking again, spiraled out of control, lost job #2. lost job #3. Drank Harder, stole from family. Drank more. Went to mothers for the holidays. Got a new life for christmas. ", "answer": "The seriousness of addiction cannot be overstated. It is life or death. For as long as you live the most important thing that you do will be to decide to not drink today. For someone with alcoholism marihuana is just as dangerous because it can lower your defense against the first drink. Similarly anything that could possibly lead to drinking must be conferenced with trusted advisors. Overtime if you develop a commonsensical way of life you will go days and weeks without thinking of drinking. Developing friendships with other sober alcoholics in AA and helping others get sober will give you insight into what you have gained by not drinking.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3b1lsf", "comment_id": "csi55ag"}, {"question": "My gf's family are not exchanging with each other because they don't have alot of money. Should I get them a gift?", "description": "I am questioning getting my gf's family gifts because they are not exchanging with each other due to money issues .If I give them gifts I won't expect anything in return. However, I'm afraid I could potentially put them in a position where they feel obligated to get me something even when they can't. I know I will say don't worry about getting me something but I'm afraid they could still be sad from being unable to return the favor. In this case, is it better not to get anything at all?", "answer": "I think you want something more like a traditional \"hostess gift\" instead of a real present. Dessert or other food, alcohol (wine etc) if you are old enough, perhaps a card. Or flowers, like a simple centerpiece type arrangement, could also be nice.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5i4z9r", "comment_id": "db5h9oj"}, {"question": "To all the college kids", "description": "Hi, fellow college kid here. It's really weird right now. College is hard enough, but now a lot of us are having to switch to online classes. \n\nDON'T LET THIS THROW OFF YOUR SEMESTER. \n\nGet out of bed, off your couch. Go take a shower, I promise you will feel better. We can still make it through this semester with intact GPAs, healthy mental states, and solid support systems. We've got this. \n\nIf you are struggling to adjust, please please email your professors. They will understand, they're going through the same thing right now too.", "answer": "Gosh I'm glad I finished in January. I would have S-T-RUGGLED.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "fl19za", "comment_id": "fkwvsv1"}, {"question": "[30/m] Need advice about my living situation and taking care of elderly grandmother. Please advise!", "description": "Hey r/relationship_advice ,\n\nSo this may be outside the realm of most romantic relationships that get posted here, but I don't really know where to post this and I would like some advice.\n\nQuick story: Last year I lived out of state with my gf and I. We broke up, and I lost about everything except the clothes on my back. My grandparents (who raised me and are like my mom and dad) said they would be happy for me to come back and stay with them for around 6-7 months while I rebuild my life.\n\nI did, and I saw that they could BARELY take care of themselves, their 100+ year old house, and their finances. I'm glad I came back to them. Problem is about 3 months after I return my grandfather passes away. Now my grandmother (besides myself) is totally alone. She doesn't have friends and the rest of my family don't really speak to her that much or come around at all. \n\nSo, it's been about 8 months now since my grandfather's passing. I am by far more then ready to move out, but I keep staying because I really don't think she should be alone. I'm really wanting to live my own life, but not sure what I should do? She is a hoarder, her house is falling apart, and just a month ago or so I took a day off work sick (flu). I'm lucky I did, because she was in a diabetic coma and had to be taken to the hospital because she wasn't watching her sugar. I have no doubt she would have died had I not taken that day off work...\n\nI do mind living with her because she can be very cruel and abrasive. Last night (NYE) a woman I had been seeing for a few weeks and I split, because she couldn't be with someone who was 30 and lived with his grandmother. I tried to explain, but she didn't understand that I am here because I feel like I have to be ,not because I want to be.\n\nSo please advise. I can't really afford to put her in a home, and I DON'T want to anyways, but I cannot live with her either. I'm not sure what to do..", "answer": "call the visiting nurse association. they'll get involved and coach you from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5li8dw", "comment_id": "dbvyt0e"}, {"question": "5 and a half years sober and I'm miserable", "description": "I was one of those guys who was head over heels in love with the program. I went from a heroin junkie who had been in and out of jail and prison for 10 years, to a homeowner and addiction counselor, and my life just seemed amazing. I became a person I really liked and got married and had a little girl. A couple years ago my marriage fell apart due to my mother-in-law committing suicide. My ex just lost it. Sadly, after 8 months of trying to fix the marriage, I was through with being lied to and cheated on. We got divorced and my ex relapsed. She ended up abusing and neglecting my daughter several times pretty severely. Luckily I documented everything and was able to get full custody of our daughter. My ex lives in another state now and has a new baby with her new boyfriend, and they both actively drink and use. Thankfully, my little girl is doing extremely well after several months of therapy - almost like nothing happened. She is very smart and I get amazing reports from her teachers. I am back in school full-time trying to get my Master's so I can provide the life I want for us.\nAfter I became a single parent, my life changed drastically. Friendships fizzled out and eventually died, my social life is non-existent (obviously), and my meeting attendance and program involvement has stopped totally. I still keep in touch with people I care about from meetings but it's fairly superficial. Every night she goes to bed around 7:30 and I clean the house and make her lunch for the next day and eat my dinner. And then the loneliness sets in. There's a woman I've been seeing for about a month who I care about immensely, and our relationship is great, but the times when I'm alone are so hard. I find myself choking up and wanting to cry for no reason, or breaking down in tears at vaguely sad Facebook videos. I feel very alone. I used to feel like I had dozens of people I could talk to, but now I feel like there's no one. My group of close friends has been steadily drifting apart since one of our group relapsed and killed himself last year, and we don't talk much anymore. I don't feel like I can speak to my family about my feelings because I don't want them to worry about me relapsing. I have a lot on my shoulders and I just feel so isolated. I have told the woman I'm dating about a lot of this, but I don't want to constantly just emotionally dump on her because I have no one else. It's a shitty feeling. After the extremely messy divorce, there was an adjustment period where I had to figure out how to do life as a single parent of a young child. It's possible that I just became very action-oriented at that point to avoid processing the pain of what had happened. And maybe now that things are smoother, the feelings are coming out. I don't know. I just know that I'm tired of feeling so sad all the time. ", "answer": "You sound overwhelmed and stressed, and like you might still be grieving the loss of your past life and relationship. You have taken on a lot being in school full time and parenting full time. You say your daughter went to therapy but have you considered getting some therapy yourself? It sounds like you might be struggling with some depression, and are feeling isolated right now. It's ok to reach out for another kind of help. 12 step is great but it's not the solution for everything. Also, what about a little fun and relaxation for yourself? It's important to have some down time to help you recharge for everything else you have to do.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "96d8li", "comment_id": "e3zxkri"}, {"question": "I don't think I'm gonna live past 20", "description": "Age: 17\n\nSex: female\n\nHeight: 172 cm\n\nWeight: 74 kg\n\nRace: caucasian\n\nMedical issues: asthma, polycystic ovary syndrome, problems with kidneys (I've been hospitalized because of kidney failure), neuralgia, stomach ulcer, arthritis and anemia.\n\nI've been diagnosed with these diseases throghout my childhood and early teen years. My medical conditions are getting worse and I'm too scared to go to the doctor. I lie to my parents about my issues so that they don't force me to go.\n\nI have an unhealthy lifestyle - I starve myself most of the time and when I rarely eat, it's mostly unhealthy foods. I smoke around 3 packs of cigarettes a day and I've been trying to smoke less recently. I drink hard alcohol from time to time and use drugs (xanax, weed, amphetamines). I drink 2 cans of energy drinks and 2-3 coffees every day as well. I know that I'm doing damage to my body with my lifestyle but I just can't stop. How much do I have to live? \n", "answer": "This is not an answerable question, especially without knowing what the problem with your kidneys is. \n\nUnhealthy lifestyle like eating poorly and smoking heavily can shorten your life significantly, but they would still usually kill you in middle age. Drugs can kill in all kinds of different ways and at different times. Barring an overdose you'll probably live to 20 because that's what being young does, but talking to a doctor and/or a therapist about what's going on and trying to work on changing how your living could be helpful, both for living longer and healthier and for feeling better about the life you're living.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd4mv", "comment_id": "eeuhxdq"}, {"question": "Paxil or Wellbutrin?", "description": "Hey everyone :) \nSo it's been a long time coming but today I finally gave in and decided to go on medication for anxiety and depression.\nThe doctor basically let me choose which medication to go on and she gave me some options. Both of my parents are on Paxil so I figured that would be a safe option to choose, so I opted for that! \nWhen I got home, I did some more research and really like the effects that Wellbutrin have.\nSo, my question is, should I call my doctor and have them switch me over to wellbutrin since I have not begun Paxil yet? \nCurious to hear peoples opinion!", "answer": "What are the benefits you\u2019re intrigued by with Wellbutrin? Have you looked at the potential side effects of both meds?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgovi7", "comment_id": "fk6mehe"}, {"question": "[Help] my friend is hearing voices in his head? What should I do?", "description": "I don't know where to post this, but I'm so worried for my fried. Yesterday he came to me and told me that 3 guys were spying on him for over a month.\n\nI know the 3 person he is talking about, one of them called me and is terrified because my friend went over to his house and was really angry and told him to stop spying on him. The guy was so shocked and had no words, he had nothing to do with this.\n\nYesterday me and two friends went over to see if there was anything. He was constantly hearing voices and we heard nothing. He was quoting what the \"spys\" were saying. And we were shocked because it was 11 am 1 of January and nobody was outside.\n\nHe got really angry and tought we were screwing around with him. \n\nHe said he heard them having a conversation that his uncle had hired them to spy on him to see if he was taking some drugs, because he had been a little bit lazy at work lately. His family has a building construction company wich he works for.\n\nHe used to smoke some weed, but the last month he has been clean and really weird. He has been alot alone. He said that he knows how it sounds like, and was afraid to tell us because we might think he is crazy. I believed everything he said until I went over and saw nobody and heard nothing, and he was hearing sounds and checking around.\n\nFor the moment he trust nobody and even think his mother, brother and father are spying on him. We don't know how to approach the situation, because if he finds out we don't belive him, he will shut us completely out of his life and go mental", "answer": "How old is he? Where is he based?\n\nAre you sure he's not using any drugs at all (even the newer synthetic stuff)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lngsl", "comment_id": "dbx9ha2"}, {"question": "Paranormal activity, or withdrawal symptom?", "description": "On Novemeber 2013 I decided to stop using chemical substances after 6 years of heavy usage. I had a big fight with my ex husband because I wanted to stop, but he didn't want it. So, I was laying in bed after 4 days of not drinking, smoking or sniffing. I was really anxious, and couldn't sleep during those 4 days. My ex was completely wasted, and sleeping right next to me. However, I had this terrible insomnia and was not able to sleep, then the creepy show started. I began to listen pigs howling pretty aloud in my head, I covered my ears and the sound was actually more terrifying. There was a huge window in fron of me, and then I saw this shadowy presence rising from the ground up to the roof. It had a human shape, but I can't tell what really was it. Suddenly, this \"thing\" came to my chest and grabbed my neck. I levitated on my bed really quick, and hit the bed strongly. It felt like there was no air in the room. Like if my soul was getting out of my body. I began to yell and my ex woke up, I was moving like in one of those exorcist's movies, where you sit and lay back down many times. I was really scared asking for help, saying: \"Please don't let him take me!! My ex woke up really scared, and surrounded me with his arms. Then I felt like if something was leaving my body. I couldn't sleep that night. Next day I woke up with a facial paralysis (fortunately there are is no physical trace in my face), so I went to the hospital. They kept me hospitalized during 4 days, they also found the evidence of a previous heart attack due to overdose. After that day, the only way for me to fall asleep was taking Valiums. I kept the feeling of this thing coming to my chest, and grabbing my soul during 2 months. Even though I was taking pills, everytime that I closed my eyes I had the same sensation. I was afraid of closing my eyes. It was hell....three months after, I broke up with my husband. My family sent me to rehab, I got hospitalized many times, lost the custody of my children and a good friend of mine got stabbed on his heart one year after. I'm still wondering is this shadowy presence was good, evil or just a product of my imagination and anxiety attack. What you think?", "answer": "Withdrawals (especially from alcohol or Benzodiazepines) can sometimes include hallucinations.\n\nAs another person mentioned, sleep paralysis is also a legit possibility.\n\nEither of these (or both) are likely more accurate explanations than paranormal activities.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2v59s6", "comment_id": "coep27u"}, {"question": "Can I have alcohol with Lexapro?", "description": "I'm on 10 mg of Lexapro daily, and I want to know if I can have a Smirnoff Ice, just this once. I'm having a bad day, I have no friends to talk to, and I just want to have a drink. My tolerance to alcohol is really low, so I'll only have one drink. Am I allowed to do that, if I take my pill hours before?", "answer": "You'll probably be fine. My addictions patients seem to guzzle bottles of everything despite being prescribed a bucket of pills daily, and seem to survive (not that im recommending it!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rmeka", "comment_id": "dl66k3j"}, {"question": "I'm [20/f] stressed out about my bf [21/m] and our future together", "description": "My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts. I graduate college in may 2018 with an Associate's degree in nursing and plan to finish my Bachelor's degree. My boyfriend on the other hand is not in college and is about to lose his job because of missing work and being late all the time. We don't live together but we've always thought about marriage. I'm just stressed out that our financial future is going to be my responsibility. We've known each other for almost 6 years and 4 of those years have been us in a relationship. The 2 years we weren't together, right after finishing high school, he had problems with drugs and the law. Since then he hasn't used hard drugs or pills but he was diagnosed with depression and hasn't been able to deal with it entirely. He comes from a very broken home and really tough background. I come from a dysfunctional family but had a way better upbringing than him. I'm just not sure how to make all of this work. We got back together a year ago and everything was great in the beginning but the last maybe 8 months have been really tough. I don't like it when he smokes weed because of the drug problem he had which has caused a lot of fights between us. My family cares about him a lot but thinks he's a loser compared to me and don't think twice about letting me know which makes me doubt our relationship even more. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with all of this. ", "answer": "Your boyfriend, whatever his struggles and history is either A) capable of behaving better or B) not. \n\nIf it's B, your future is well and truly fucked and you're waaaaay better off leaving him. If it's A, he'd better start doing better soon, or you're going to become convinced it's B and leave regardless. \n\nIn order to figure out the truth, you need to learn to identify your relational needs and to communicate your boundaries and keep them.\n\nCounseling is very helpful for that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fyanv", "comment_id": "dilzmhy"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have psychotic symptoms?", "description": "Such as a distortion of beliefs and perceptions, elaborate plans for revenge, and/or desperate and manipulative attempts to avoid perceived abandonment?\n\nI have never, ever acted upon these thoughts, and they are quiet and small and nonintrusive, but they are there.", "answer": "I have grandiose delusions but I wouldn't call them delusions per se", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3oc5j6", "comment_id": "cvw6jzf"}, {"question": "Feeling Unfit For Society/Behind", "description": "I'm 20 and male and feel so far behind compared to other people. To give you some backstory, I never really had real friends nor a girlfriend (am still a virgin). When I was younger, the only \"real\" friends I had were my cousin (who's 2 years younger than I) and two of my childhood friends (one, when I was about 7-9 and another when I was about 11-14, which we got separated after highschool). Most of my childhood was spent alone and I developed social anxiety on top of that, which made me very awkward and self-conscious about everything, having had little social interaction. Thus, I never had a girlfriend, even when girls were hitting on me. I had one girl chasing me for about 5 years but made no move because of my anxiety and had other girls hitting on my in highschool (but again, my anxiety prevented my from making a move). I spent all four years of my highschool alone. Sat alone at lunch and didn't do anything. Literally sat at home playing video games after school and on weekends, while everyone else was out exploring their sexuality and having fun. Come college and I dropped out after only 3 weeks because of anxiety. I felt so awkward going to class and felt like people view me as intimidating (I used to get told that I always had a frown on my face and people would assume I was mad, even when I wasn't). And for the last 2 years, I took a gap \"year\", which was in reality me doing nothing the past 2 years and I fell into deep depression where I was contemplating suicide for months. Felt I had nothing to live for and nothing going for myself (and still don't, to some extent). However, I've decided that either I'm going to kill myself or try to change my life around. My first step is by getting a job. I only had 1 job and it was a summer job back when I was 16 (only 1 month of work). I feel employers will see me as unfit for having such little job experience at my age and wondering what I was doing for the last 2 years with all that time on my hands (since I dropped out). I also want to get friends and a girlfriend. Right now, I have no real life friends and haven't had real friends in years (my cousin rarely talks to me now) and only have net friends. I have about 5 net friends that i've known for about 2-4 years. Other than that, I get no social interaction and feel awkward in public, like i'm unfit being in social situations. I have no idea on how to talk to women and feel like me never having been in a relationship and still being a virgin will be a turn off. I also have no idea on how to make friends... I feel like such a loser and don't know what to do.", "answer": "Consider going to therapy. I think a good therapist could help you out with a lot of this stuff if you make the decision that you're willing to put in a lot of hard work to change your life around. You can ABSOLUTELY do it, but it's going to take a ton of hard work, discipline, humility, and perseverance. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "99zojx", "comment_id": "e4rt7xs"}, {"question": "Living with someone who is a BIG drinker", "description": "Hi guys, \n\nI am not sure why I am posting this, perhaps to vent, perhaps for some advice but I have had to reset my badge again today. I live with my boyfriend who drinks every single day, this hasn't changed from the day I met him, it is just the way he is and he doesn't think he has an issue. When we first met drinking was our thing but last year I decided to become sober and lasted 4 months. Those 4 months were horrible, seeing him coming in drunk was frustrating as hell because I had to sit and listen to him ramble on about nonsense. \n\nSlowly I settled back into drinking with him and it was fine again (or at least the relationship was, the drinking everyday not so much) I have decided to stop again a few times this year but I just find it easier to be around my Boyfriend when we are both drunk and on the same wavelength. \n\nI suppose my question is - is it possible to live and be happy with someone who drinks to excess but doesn't see an issue while remaining sober. It doesn't help that his Dad is a huge, huge alcoholic and often stays with us. \n\nOr is it perhaps time to say quits...the thought almost breaks my heart into a million pieces. \n\nAnother fear of mine is he is going to end up dead soon, he wants to start a family but I am loathe to do so while we have these issues and I am at an age now where I am wanting to settle down but perhaps he isn't the one. ", "answer": "Don\u2019t start a family with someone whose idea of a great life is obliterating the day. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7yvalc", "comment_id": "dujht58"}, {"question": "ECT used to treat addicion /withdrawal (Benzo)", "description": "Male, 36 years old from Europe\n\nI do not think my weight/height will have any impact on this question, but will of course edit if mods disagree.\n\nI've had clinical depression with anxiety for 22 years, and had my first admission to psychiatric ward(open) in 2002. I have been prescribed Oxzeapam 25mg for about 14 years, but never abused them, only taken when needed. I have been, since 2002, been prescribed every kind of medication for depression (and also bi-polar, to test effect). I have been through all \"standard ones\" - Effexor, Remeron, Zyprexa, Zoloft, Lithium, Quitapin, Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Edronax and possibly a few I don't remember. Mid-2017 is when I started losing all hope and started abusing the benzo(combination of Diazepam and Oxazepam). Some days doeses could be 80mg Diazepam and 50mg Oxazepam, just to give you a indication of size of doses, but there was not a clear pattern in what combination I used them. \n\nLate 2017 I was again admitted to open psychiatric ward, this time to undergo ECT **for depression**(in bold for relevance to my question below). I did not mention any benzo abuse, just that I had been prescribed them, and that I used them when needed. The had a series of 6 ECT treatments, and they had a short lasting effect, in a good way. The charts for the treatment was \"textbook good\". The ECT-doctors were very pleased with EEG and bodily seizure times(around 40 sec/35 sec respectivly). For reasons unknown, they stopped after 6 treatments, but I am now going in again in a month or 2 for a new series of 6 ECTs.\n\n**Here is the issue. I'm following** [**Ashton manual, Schedule 2**](https://benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s2)**, and cut out the Oxazepam. I'm down to 20mg Diazepam, and haven't had any real reaction to the taper at all. Some days I slip up and take 30-40mg. My question is, after reading a** [**small publication from US Liberary of Medicine**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28622209)**, can ECT also eliminate any withdrawal, if stopping Diazepam when starting the ECT-series?**\n\nI would REALLY appreciate if a doctor could share any knowledge on this. What should my actions be? Taper down as fast as possible on Diazepam, or keep the dose steady before starting the ECT?", "answer": "That\u2019s one case, and it\u2019s severe alcohol withdrawal, not (as far as I can tell) slow and asymptomatic progress on tapering benzos. This is not any kind of standard use of ECT and I wouldn\u2019t recommend it.\n\nPlease tell your doctors how much you\u2019re actually taking. Benzos can themselves interfere with ECT. Not always, as you\u2019ve seen with your previous treatment, but you also don\u2019t want to get ECT in the future, have them assume the same parameters will work when you are taking less, and have an excessive response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ysgxm", "comment_id": "e2dm0ss"}, {"question": "Complicated shadows [30/m]", "description": "Hi, I'm in relationship for a year with a bit older women.\nShe is great and she is everything I could expect from a women.\nShe cannot have children and she has 18 year old daughter.\nHer daughter is attractive and she got nearly my age boyfriend now\n(She was in relationship with her own age guy for a while)\nAnd for some reason something is really bothering me in all of this, I can't gasp what it is exactly but I think I feel that I could do better and find my own age or younger women..\nShould I just break up with her and move on?..", "answer": "something you have to process; if there are specific concerns, address them; if you think you're simply not in love, yes move on", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v3tz6", "comment_id": "ddz4ar2"}, {"question": "Mom has Amnesia", "description": "I just got home from work tonight and my mom has been in a state of amnesia. When I asked, she said she didn't hit her head or take any medication. She mentioned a few times how she was confused because she was napping and she claims to have dreamt things she actually did in real life (e.g. buy kiwis and gum). She couldn't tell me what month it was. To say this is unsettling is truly an understatement. I've never seen any worrying signs of memory loss in her. She seemed completely fine when I left for work. I'm really worried. Obviously she will see a doctor ASAP. I pray to God she wakes up okay. This night has changed my life forever. Like most of you, I love my mom more than anything in the world and this is a deeply humbling experience. I urge you all to express your love to your fullest capabilities. Every day is truly a priceless gift we must stop taking for granted. Any prayers and/or words of advice are greatly appreciated. Thank you. ", "answer": "Do these experiences come on suddenly? It's bordering on urgent assessment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5foz41", "comment_id": "damhoyy"}, {"question": "Is he playing me", "description": "So I (19f) have been seeing or dating this guy (23m) for about 2 months now, I know age isn't a problem since our mutual friend set us up. He and I have gotten serious moving to the next step and a month and half later I ask what we are and he said he's been through some tough stuff and that he hasn't thought about it that much.which he has including surgery and so I respect that. But is he just pushing off telling me how he really feels and not wanting to actually make this a relationship? I just don't wanna be made a fool out of myself for liking this guy so much", "answer": "always be direct about feelings. tell him what you feel; ask what he feels; go from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vp2zd", "comment_id": "de3tskq"}, {"question": "Would anyone with Social Anxiety like a free copy of my book? - \u2018How I Overcame Social Anxiety & How You Can Too\u2019. It\u2019s free for the next 2 days on Amazon. More info in the description and feel free to ask me anything.", "description": "Hi I\u2019m Tobias.\n\nI originally posted this in the r/socialanxiety but thought it might benefit some people here also.\n\nFirstly, I never in a million years pictured I\u2019d be here sharing a book I wrote about how I overcame social anxiety because I never thought I\u2019d ever get over it myself.\n\nI was professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. For years I was on strong antidepressants (250 mg Zoloft) and during the worst of it, medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews. I won\u2019t go any more into my story here (you can read about it in the book)\n\nI believed I had a genetic fault in my brain and I was \u201cborn awkward.\u201d I had totally given up on myself and resigned to my fate things would always be like that for me. I didn\u2019t win the genetic lottery, better luck next lifetime.\n\nThrough a lot of effort on his part, I met a man who managed to convince me I could overcome social anxiety because he did it himself. I got the most help on my journey from people who had been through social anxiety themselves. Now I\u2019m paying it forward by sharing what worked for me.\n\nIt\u2019s not easy and there\u2019s no magic pill, but it is possible. I am living proof of that.\n\nThis book is not something I threw together last weekend. It has taken me almost a year to write and it contains a lifetime of pain and lessons. I have truly put my heart and soul into this book.\n\nIf you\u2019re interested, you can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days.\n\nUSA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B01EXTED56?ie=UTF8&qid=&ref_=tmm_kin_swatch_0&sr=\n\nUK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nCanada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56\n\nAustralia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56\n\n(Other countries please search for the book and it should be free.)\n\nThis book is for you if you believe you were \u201cborn with social anxiety\u201d or you\u2019re \u201cbeyond help\u201d and there\u2019s nothing you can do to change this condition.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always feel nervous and uncomfortable around people and you can\u2019t seem to figure out why that\u2019s happening to you or how to stop it.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if everyone has always told you you\u2019re worthless and inferior and now you believe that about yourself.\n\nIt\u2019s for you if you always doubt yourself, call yourself hurtful names and constantly beat yourself up about being socially awkward or having social anxiety.\n\nAll these things I was going through.\n\nFeel free to ask me anything related to the book, my experiences with social anxiety or anything else really.\n\nI really hope my book helps you. I\u2019m contactable and I will reply to everyone who reaches out to me.", "answer": "I went ahead and purchased it!\n\nAs a therapist and someone who suffers from social anxiety, I can't wait to read it and then recommend it to my clients!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4m0y0b", "comment_id": "d3s22jy"}, {"question": "Looking for some help with a brother and his excuses for not going back to rehab", "description": "My brother has a severe drug problem. He did 6 months of rehab a couple years ago, but went because he thought he had to, not because he himself wanted to.\n\nWithin a couple months of getting out, he was using again, and it just got worse and worse. He didn't have an exit plan, and just went back to his old drug friends, obviously a recipe for disaster. I can't give too many details because anyone who knows us that reads it will know exactly who I am.. Basically my parents have disowned him, and I lived in a different province.. As did our other siblings., he had no support even if he did want it.\n\nI live near by now, and even though I know he's still using, and he's a pathological liar, so I don't believe a word he says (every time I see him, it's a new story, and he reveals more drug info.. Originally it was just that he was smoking pot again, but he has recently told me he is back on opiates.. I know if I had another convo, I'd hear about more drugs)..\n\nOn New Year's Eve, he stayed with us, because he said he'd use if he didn't. We ended up in another conversation about his use and all his issues, and by the end of the convo, he brought up rehab, and I suggested that it might be a good idea for him to go back, because he'd be away from all the people that tempt him use. He agreed and said he'd sleep on it. The next day, got all the typical excuses.. Need to take care of bills and debts first.\n\nSo.. To those of you who are in recovery.. How do I get him past this? He doesn't have a job.. And no prospects, so he won't be making money to pay off the debts he's referring to.. And our family isn't well off that we can cover them for him. So what can I do to convince him that he needs to get help now (which was his idea originally) instead of worrying about debts, which he can't pay because he's not working.\n\nAny help is appreciated, I just want my brother to get help, so he can return to normal life with my family.", "answer": "The bottom line is you can't only he can. Keep suggesting recovery, do not enable, and tell him you care. He needs to decide enough is enough. The consequences will come, believe me. On that day do not enable him, let them come to him and let him have to find his way out. On that day suggest rehab. Otherwise he will more than likely not listen.\n\nYour intentions are noble. He is not ready yet. Just keep encouraging him.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "2rexlx", "comment_id": "cnfvtrr"}, {"question": "Lost respect for my boss, relatively new employee", "description": "So I just got a nice new job about 4 weeks ago. I was excited about it and it seemed to be a great jumping off point for my career. My boss was well respected outside our corporation, she had a lot of successful meetings and awards, and was seemingly on a path to success where she was going to drag me along.\n\nWell, as the time has passed I realize that she is not at all who people think she is. I took an amateur psychopathy test on her behalf and it spells her out to a T. \n\nWhat pushed me was an event today when she flew off the handle and screamed at a long term co-worker over an incredibly innocuous comment. I have seen small events like this happen, but not to this level. It was full on bullying and disgusting behavior. \n\nI will add that I have been having some strong second thoughts about taking the job after a few incidents that have involved me, and older employees who have worked for her are beaten down and choose not to fight back, which I can understand. \n\nRight now I am feeling like I made a big mistake, taking a job without the full knowledge of what I was getting into. I will spend the weekend applying to jobs to find an escape route. \n\nI know that getting her fired will be very difficult because of her seniority.", "answer": "Start hunting for a new job now before you have a big gap on your resume. No need to even put this job on there you've been there so little time. Get out now. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2hl7p7", "comment_id": "ckts1nv"}, {"question": "It\u2019s fair to judge someone on their personality", "description": "It\u2019s not ok to judge on looks, disability, race, or wealth. Our personality and actions are fair game to be judged. I\u2019m ashamed of how I act. My boyfriend loves me in spite of my terrible behavior. I\u2019m so ashamed of myself. No one deserves to be treated the way I act, yet I feel like I don\u2019t know how to stop. I feel like people would forgive me and let me change, which is great, but I feel lost at not knowing how to change. I feel I\u2019ve been so bad to the people in my life who wanted to only help me. Maybe this is a realization I needed. The way I behave is not acceptable or fair to anyone. I want to be a better version of myself. I feel such a shame for how I behave. I truly do. I want to pretend I don\u2019t know myself or remember how I acted sometimes because I feel such an embarrassment towards me own horrible behavior.", "answer": "Medication can be really helpful ... have you met with an MD about something that can help?", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ee9gb4", "comment_id": "fbsptn4"}, {"question": "Can my primary doctor treat my anxiety?", "description": "\n20F, 5\u20198, 145lbs, Indian\n\nPrimary Complaint: Anxiety\n\nDuration: 7-10 years (was bullied all throughout elementary and middle school) \n\nCurrent medical issues: Iron deficiency anemia\n\nMedications: None\n\ndrugs/smoking/drinking: Never used\n\nI have an appointment coming up this Friday. I want to talk to my doctor about the anxiety Ive had for years. It\u2019s through Kaiser, and coincidentally, without mentioning it to anyone I know, I keep coming across bad stories about Kaisers mental health services. I don\u2019t want to reach out and try if it\u2019s going to be for nothing.\n\nI don\u2019t know if I should bother talking about depression because it may just stem from my anxiety. Anxiety is what I want to treat first.", "answer": "A primarily doctor may treat anxiety. Whether yours is comfortable and knowledgeable depends on the doctor, but it\u2019s reasonable to ask.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dz7wnq", "comment_id": "f85wzpf"}, {"question": "Fear of passing gas or pooping my pants :/", "description": "I've been dealing with a terrible fear for several months that has gotten worse and worse to the point of getting dizzy and having (unrelated to my fear) visual hallucinations after finally getting to be alone. I have awful social anxiety, but my main fear while I am in public is that I'm passing gas or have pooped my pants without knowing or will any moment. My stomach does get upset when I'm anxious often, but I've never actually pooped my pants...there's just always this fear I have until going to the restroom to check or will any moment. And, even though I've never heard or smelled anything, I still just have this fear when my anxiety is at an all-time high when in public.\n\nI know this sounds funny, but it truly isn't to live through. When I finally am alone, I automatically feel better unless I had to be in public for a few hours, then the dizziness and hallucinations start- because I'm so mentally and physically tired from the extreme worry and fear.\n\nI'm too embarrassed to tell this specific fear to my counselor, so I'm braving it here on Reddit. It's just awful, especially trying to go to the pool or wear white pants or dresses. These fears are all I can think about when I'm in public even though no one has ever mentioned me doing any of these things, and I have very good friends who invite me to things they never would if I truly were passing gas all the time... My anxiety just gets SO bad that I get paranoid and think everyone is looking at me in a menacing manner..and my brain decides it's because I must be doing or about to be doing one of the most embarrassing things a girl can do- poop her pants or be passing gas in public.\n\nAnyway, has anyone else had this fear? I tried searching Google and didn't find anything.\n\ntl;dr: My panic gets so bad I irrationally fear I have or will poop my pants or pass gas in public even though this has never previously happened. Any advice?", "answer": "My advice would be to bring it up with your counselor. As a counselor myself, I can tell you that we hear things like this daily, and it probably would phase your counselor much much less than you would imagine. That way you can begin to actively work through that fear", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1fumjm", "comment_id": "cae0i01"}, {"question": "How long do I have to get a tetanus shot after being stabbed by metal?", "description": "I drilled into my finger with a broken drill bit by accident. There is a little metal piece stuck in my finger. It did not register that I should go to the doctor. It's been 4 days now. I will be getting the shot tomorrow morning, but is it too late for the shot? My last shot was in high school, I was maybe 13-14.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n* Age - 28\n* Sex - m\n* Height - 180cm\n* Weight - 90kg\n* Race - europe white\n* Duration of complaint - 4 days\n* Location (Geographic and on body) - left thumb\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any) - none\n* Current medications (if any) - none", "answer": "tetanus has protective effects that last at least 10 years. Its not just for this incident, also for future incidents.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bcz2t9", "comment_id": "ekuvy5g"}, {"question": "My [24M] girlfriend [22F] tells her parents and close friends every time I fuck up.", "description": "We have been dating for 3.5 years and its been great. Things are going swimmingly and I intend on marrying this girl some day. That said, people make mistakes and both my girlfriend and I have blown it here or there. The problem is the difference in how we handle it.\n\nHer fucking up: I get upset, take a step back, cool down, talk with her about it, forgive her.\n\nMe fucking up: She gets upset, tells her parents her side of the story (while she is still angry), tells her friends her side of the story (while she is still angry), cools down, talks with me about it, forgives me, lies to her parents and friends by telling them she is still mad at me (to save face because apparently admitting that she overreacted is embarrassing)\n\nThis obviously smears her parents' and friends' opinions of me. She then usually finds herself having to navigate a web of lies and slowly ease her parents and friends into liking me again. Meanwhile she has long forgiven me and genuinely wants her peers to approve of me. But when her parents and friends only ever hear about what a shit head I am, why would they?\n\nI have tried discussing it with her, but the only time it comes up is when I am already in the dog house and have no ground to stand on. How do I explain to her that some things really should just stay between us? A simple \"BF is an idiot\" should be sufficient for anyone who pries. No need to go spreading my dirty laundry everywhere.\n\n", "answer": "she has to become more mature and maintain boundaries. if she feels abused, then she needs to get support from family and friends. but if it's a simple argument, she should keep it between you and her, except for maybe one best friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m3mbq", "comment_id": "dc0k70y"}, {"question": "I'm addicted to my phone.", "description": "Anyone else like this? It distracts me from everything going on around me. I've accepted that its a bad thing yet I can't go without it.", "answer": "It's becoming more and more common. If you're a reader check our \"Irresistible\" by Adam Alter. It's a long but really good and informative read on how people are becoming increasingly addicted to technology, phones, games, etc. and how the industries actually works to create addiction. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "8pmjmq", "comment_id": "e0cj3jr"}, {"question": "Psychs, is my roommate dangerous? Answers GREATLY appreciated", "description": "Okay. I met & started dating my boyfriend in October (he rocks) and through him met all 4 of his roommates, who I got to know simply bc I'm at their house so often. We all just graduated from college this spring (he and his roommates went to a different college from me, so I didn't know any of them prior to this past fall/winter). \n\nIn May one of them (let's call him C) went to the emergency room for a suicide attempt-- tried to run onto nearby train tracks and was stopped by acquaintances from the party he'd run out of. Because I a) happened to be the most level headed at 3 AM when the police came to the house and b) was trying to be a good friend, I was the one who ended up staying the 12 hours in the emergency room waiting room with him. I was really worried about him and assumed he'd end up staying at least a week in a psych ward-- a friend from high school had a similar experience and being on a pretty casual ward for a week helped her a ton. However, when the psych finally called me in to talk to her and C, it was clear he had charmed her the way he charms most people-- she seemed convinced that the problem was simply that he'd had too much to drink, he'd learned a lesson, and he was fine to leave.\n\nThe thing is I don't think that's true. This is someone who has been known to get kind of violent when he gets angry-- I've heard him throw furniture and I know from my boyfriend that C once physically attacked another student in their program.\n\nWhen all of us were discussing where we'd all be moving come September, my boyfriend's and my ideal situation most closely matched up with C's, so my boyfriend (who is rational sometimes to a fault) decided we might as well move in with him. Since no one else seemed worried, I tried to quell my fears and we ended up signing a lease. \n\nThe other night I was getting ice cream with another of my boyfriend's roommates, let's call him A, and he brought up the fact that I'd be living with C-- he said he was sorry if it was too late to say anything or if I was offended, but he was really worried about it. We talked for a while and he ended up confirming a lot of my fears-- that C probably has bipolar disorder with some sociopathic tendencies (we've done a TON of research, I promise this isn't us just gossiping) and, as A revealed to me, has been forceful/violent with women (not rape, more disregarding barriers/making people feel unsafe) in the past.\n\nC is brilliant and talented, and great fun when he's in a good mood. But the fact that his mood changes are entirely unpredictable is what scares me. I think he's still a danger to himself, and maybe to my boyfriend and me.\n\nWe're considering calling his dad but are scared he might somehow retaliate. Am I making too big a fuss? Should I suck it up and live with him? Any advice would be so, so appreciated. \n\nThank you!!!\n\n\\~Duckie ", "answer": "Is he a danger to himself or anyone else? I certainly can't know that without speaking to him, and even then any doctor or therapist's ability to predict that is poor. But history is the best predictor of future behavior, so if he has been violent, he's more likely to be violent, and if he has made a suicide attempt, he's more likely to make a suicide attempt.\n\nBe that as it may, what can you do about it? If you call his dad, what can his dad do? If he is not any immediate danger there is nothing that can be done against his will. You can encourage him to seek treatment, but that is about it. And if he does anything dangerous then you can get medical care or police involved. Otherwise you're stuck with an erratic person on the lease with you, which is unfortunate.\n\nOne thing to clarify: rapidly changing moods are not bipolar disorder. The hallmark of bipolar disorder is, in fact, sustained moods, either elevated or depressed. But I still definitely cannot make a diagnosis from a few paragraphs of description.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "937w41", "comment_id": "e3bannr"}, {"question": "I turn 30 in 10 days and have no friends. What should I do for my birthday?", "description": "I'm a soon-to-be 30-year-old man who would like to hear your thoughts. \n\n\nFor the past 4 years, I've essentially lived as a recluse. As a result, I'm at a point now where I haven't spoken to anyone I'd really consider a friend for almost a year. \n\nThe only times I've felt like a normal, happy, reasonably well-adjusted human being in these years were the times where I just left and booked a flight and a room in a hostel somewhere. In that environment, I could quickly and easily befriend people my age. We'd visit the city, joke around, go out together... and then I'd fly home and immediately sink back into the pit of loneliness and self-pity that is my life here. \n\nThat's the situation right now. I also haven't really celebrated my birthday since I was eleven. I'd like the weekend of my 30th to be at least vaguely pleasant, so what should I do? \n\nI live in Belgium and I like history, art, travel, sunshine, and people - even if I suck terribly at keeping them around. I'm not asking how to fix my life, just some advice on how to best spend my 30th.", "answer": "I was in Europe over the summer and I was by myself. I found out about the couchsurfing app/website and it helped me make some friends, some of which were also travelers but others were locals who wanted to share their experience with us, so you could be one of those locals and get to meet a bunch of people and maybe even take them to the touristy places! ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "59jnwg", "comment_id": "d99edm7"}, {"question": "Do therapists go to therapy?", "description": "Do practicing therapists go to therapy? I can only imagine that even for a professional, it is difficult dealing with other people's pain and trauma. Not to mention, therapists are people too and they have their own problems to deal with.", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nYes (some of us) do. It's generally pretty encouraged so we don't burn out.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g68jwq", "comment_id": "fo8hqfe"}, {"question": "Am I having a heart attack?", "description": "20, Male, 5'8, 170 pounds, No medication, don't smoke or do drugs. \n\nFor the past hour or 3, it feels like I have a weight on my chest and have this weird feeling everytime I breathe, I also have little sharp pains in my chest from time to time\n.", "answer": "I assume that you are still alive. Didn't sound too suspicious, more musculoskeletal maybe... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8moine", "comment_id": "dzp868r"}, {"question": "Budding relationship between 25/m and 26/f -- need advice on establishing a healthy base for a partnership.", "description": "Hey all, thanks for indulging me.\n\nI just started graduate school in August and after a little socializing with my cohort, I met one of the girls and we really hit it off. Without getting into too much detail about the courtship process, we're not at the point where we've both directly stated our feelings and our interest.\n\nI'm excited, but a little terrified. I've had bad luck with relationships up until this point -- my last girlfriend was when I was 21 (I'm the 25m), and the past few years has been a long, lonely road where I had to get used to being alone and learn to accept who I was. This was hard but also good experience for me in the long run. However, I've been out of the game so long that I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up due to lack of experience. This woman is beautiful and so much of what I always wanted in a partner when I was wallowing in my depression over being alone -- my anxiety has raised the stakes of the situation and I just need a little help coming up with a game plan. The connection I feel with this person is very deep. When I\u2019m with her I feel safe, heard, seen and accepted. I\u2019m enchanted with her and I have reason to believe she feels the same way towards me, but my history with relationships has planted a seed in my expectations \u2013 I can\u2019t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen, like I\u2019ll be hurt for the umpteenth time. I guess I\u2019m afraid to fully commit to the relationship because it\u2019s been relationships that have hurt me the most in my life. There are so many wonderful things about her that I thought I\u2019d never get to have in a partner again, and I want to be happy about this situation so badly but I\u2019m just so afraid of being hurt that I can\u2019t relax. \nWhatever this is between us, I really want to make it something good for the both of us. I think I really do have the capacity to love this woman and I think she feels the same way about me \u2013 we\u2019re both in graduate school together preparing for our \u201ctrue\u201d adult lives and I know that if we maintain a good relationship right now then we\u2019re likely to move onto our next phase of life together which is\u2026 exciting and terrifying. The other night she asked me if I wanted kids at any point in my life \u2013 it kind of freaked me out at first, but I guess we\u2019re at that point in our lives where some people are starting to care about that a lot more. To me it sent a message that said \u201cI see us working in the long-term, but it\u2019s important that this is something we both want.\u201d Is this too much too fast? Or is it just being straightforward and honest?\n\nWe\u2019re both going to meet up tomorrow night (the 24th), and talk about a few things \u2013 our past relationships, our patterns and how we\u2019re feeling about what we\u2019re feeling with each other. One of the only things keeping me from flinging into a panic is the sincere and genuine connection I feel when I\u2019m with her and also that she wants to have a constructive conversation about our past and where we are now. What are some things I should ask her? What are some boundaries I should think about putting up? If this is going to be a relationship, how can I make sure that we start on the right foot? I want to be close to somebody again, and I want it to be a safe experience for the both of us\u2026 so, what\u2019s your advice on making that happen, Reddit? \n", "answer": "your thoughtfulness is the base! the key to any pairing is defining what you both want it to be, and sticking to it. keep talking and clarifying, and you can't go wrong!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788ghy", "comment_id": "dorwtqq"}, {"question": "Alright r/depression, I need you.", "description": "My boyfriend of one year has suffered through bouts of depression since before he hit high school. Every few months or so he will have \"bad thoughts\" as we like to call them, which are pretty much suicidal and about just how little he values himself. We work through it (as much as I don't want to say it, we ignore it a bit), and then he moves on and we're happy and in love again.\n\n\nI honestly cannot say that I understand his feelings or how or why he feels depressed. I'm not a typical extrovert, but I am friendly and open to new people and experiences, with a positive outlook on life. We;ve always joked about him being the pessimist, but it was only ever as a joke.\n\n\nI buy him little gifts and try and go out of my way for him quite often. Recently, and this is my problem, he told me that he recognized that he was soon to spiral into depression and he wanted to try and fight it. I bought him model kits to piece together because I know that when he is focused and has a task at hand, he does not stop to think of himself. It didn't work. \n\nHe told me today that he kept thinking of how he was a failure and how he now and forever would not be able to do anything right. He couldn't find a reason to stick around. It hurts me so much to hear his \"bad thoughts\" and that he has them at all. I like to think that I help, but then I don't know how to deal when he feels low again. He's my anything and everything, I can't imagine life without him, but how do I make life tolerable for him?\n\n\n**TL;DR: My amazing boyfriend has suicidal thoughts every so often, and I don't understand where they come from/how to help. Any incite?**", "answer": "The best thing you can do is to listen to him, and try not to discount his feelings (but dont encourage them either). Be a sound board for him- a place for him to talk out his negative thoughts.\n\nIf it is severe, you really need to press him (nonjudgmentally) to seek help. And if you have reason to believe he is going to hurt himself, you need to take action to protect him (seeking professional help). \n", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "saegz", "comment_id": "c4ckb8j"}, {"question": "Girlfriend (F21) broke up with me (M21) because she is going through some shit, what to do?", "description": "My girlfriend recently broke up with me because she's going through a tough time. She says it's nothing to do with me and she still likes me and has fun with me but she's used to being alone and struggles with relationships and adding another person into her life seems difficult. \nShe keeps posting on social media about being depressed and upset and self destructing. Saying she pushes people she loves away as a self defense mechanism. Obviously I still like her and feel really confused since I thought everything was going great but she was suffering the whole 3 months without me picking up on it. \nMy question is, she still wants to be friends, still says she likes me what should I do? I obviously still like her but I feel like I'm just waiting for her to... Want to a relationship again? I don't know. Should I just move on? Should I stay friends and wait and see? Any thoughts are welcome. \n\nEDIT - Thank you for all the replies! It's nice different points of view ", "answer": "get her help/doc/therapist\n\ntake ur cues from her. give her space as needed. check in once in a while gently", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vimw1", "comment_id": "de2c1py"}, {"question": "My BF (27) wants to call it quits because I'm (22/f) not ready to move in with him. HELP.", "description": "So my bf and I have been dating for more than 2 years now. He has brought up this subject before and we fought about it before. It's not that I'm oppose to living with him. It's just that I'm not ready and I think we both are not ready financially. I still live with my mum because I study full-time and my part-time job could not support me to live independently. While my bf shares a house with his mates but barely gets by with his part-time job. \n\nSo now he wants to break up with me because according to him I wont fully know what kind of a man he is unless we lived together. Tbh I find it a bit BS because he had stayed at my place and vice versa before but only for a couple days and we had an out of town trip just the two of us a year ago.Isn't that a glimpse of living together. \n\nI've told him I'd like to move in when I've finished my studies and a bit financially settled with a full-time job, but he said he can't wait anymore.\n\nI don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him but I am not ready to move in together. \nI don't know how to talk sense into him anymore. He actually wants to break up during my finals week in uni. And he knows the amount of stress I'm already in but still he did this.\n\nI need your advice .please.", "answer": "Relationships are all about timing. You just might not be in the same place with respect to your needs and expectations.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77fs9c", "comment_id": "dolgnm8"}, {"question": "Anyone else on a long waiting list to get professional help and in need of a friend in the mean time..?", "description": "It took me so long to finally admit to myself that I've been suffering from depression for a very long time, and now that I really need the professional help, It'll take months for me to even get a first appointment. Starting at a new university this week and I really feel that without someone who really understands, I will mess up this new second chance I have. ", "answer": "Check if Uni has a counseling services office, many do. They might be helpful until you can get an appointment elsewhere.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6v5bqd", "comment_id": "dlxpxbo"}, {"question": "Curiosity", "description": "Is anyone else just generally curious about things? Like I just want to know about something or how someone feels about something, and keep asking questions, and make people feel like I'm playing devils advocate, but really just want to know why. Or just me?", "answer": "Lol curiosity is an amazing quality, but it can be destructive. Curiosity demonstrates active listening which people generally love.\n\nSome ways to ask questions without sounding like you're interviewing someone-\n\n- Make comments not questions \"Oh your opinion on that is very interesting, my opinion is a little different, maybe we know different things about this topic.\"\n\n- Validate first then ask a question prefaced with curiosity \"yeah that point seems very important to you, I'm curious if you could tell me more?\"\n\n- Use open ended questions, the info you need to get will take longer but you'll learn lots of other things on the way and you'll get there without asking a thousand yes no questions. (This includes any one or two word answers like \"what time would you like to start.\" Could be \"I wonder what availabilities you have.\"\n\n- Off the back of the last one, let them talk. Pause for a few seconds after they go quiet, for two reasons, it gives them a chance to continue if they want and also, it shows you're thinking and not just shooting questions at them.\n\n- Mirror them, if you ask a question and they look away, you look away. If they make eye contact try to look at their face at least. If you don't match their enthusiasm you risk looking weirdly eager.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bjlg2p", "comment_id": "emaq3sx"}, {"question": "How to deal with a fixated person frequenting my venue?", "description": "Good evening, Reddit! Casual lurker coming out of the shadows for this one.\n\nI recently started to manage a venue that has a ready-made community, and my boss is someone well-known within the community, as is the person who is fixated on her.\n\nThis person is known for being unpredictable. Clearly she is not well. She is not only grieving a major loss, but seems to be experiencing many symptoms of dementia. She does not know my boss personally, but has barraged her with messages on Facebook, emails, and, now that she has found the phone number, phone calls.\n\nShe attempted to enter a sold-out event without a ticket, thinking she had purchased one (though she had not), and became so frustrated, she assaulted our security guards. We ultimately called the police, who took her to the hospital.\n\nThe following week, she did purchase a ticket, and returned, and I informed her she was no longer welcome after the previous week's events. She was more docile, apologetic, not in touch with reality and clearly set on the outcome that she get to talk to my boss. I listened to her empathetically for 30 minutes (our plan had been to call the police if she returned, but I made the call that this would not be necessary that night), accepted her apology, but stood firm: she could not come in and that was not going to change.\n\nShe has continued to harass my employer digitally. These are clearly the warning signs of a \"fixated person\" and I get the feeling we're not giving her enough credit for the damage she could do: to herself, to my employer, to our guests and to our business. My boss is hesitant to start the process for filing a restraining order, and I can't stand outside with her, blocking the door, whenever she makes an appearance. \n\nI am unsure what the next steps we should take to resolve this problem. Is it possible to mitigate what I think is a very real threat, here, using some ninja conversational techniques and boundary-setting rather than calling the authorities? Can anyone refer me to some good literature on addressing this sort of thing?\n\nLove,\n\nB", "answer": "She sounds like a stalker. It's highly likely she's got some other stuff going on, too. Is it dementia? Ummm, I don't know, but 56 is a little young. It could be early onset, but from what you described about her behavior/presentation, it doesn't quite fit for me. I could be wrong. \n\nIt sounds like she could be psychotic. Can you tell if she has been drinking or using drugs? Substances could be contributing to her psychosis or exacerbating previously existing pathology. \n\nThis woman needs to be hospitalized and actually stabilized on meds before she's released. She's likely going to end up getting herself into legal trouble, and hurting herself or someone else. \n\nIt's easy to see why your boss (and other people) may be hesitant to initiate a stay-away/protection/restraining order. People feel bad, she's sick and she needs help. I don't think many people consider that the best interests of the person in need may involve doing something that feels unpleasant. At the end of the day, your boss needs to weigh the pros and cons. If this woman is truly as sick as she sounds, there are no conversational techniques that will work. \n\nI can find literature about stalking, but I'm not sure how much it will help. Let me know. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ado5e8", "comment_id": "edj2iyw"}, {"question": "Recovering sex life AFTER depression", "description": "Hello,\n\nI am a 32 year old male, have been with my wife for 10 years, and was diagnosed with Major Depression at 26. I am doing much better now after therapy and medication, but my wife and I are still struggling with our sex life. We went to couples therapy for a while, and it did teach us to communicate better, but that has not translated into our bedroom. When I look online, everything resource is about your sex life WHILE depressed, low libido, etc. I am recovered, and my wife and I both want to have sex, but we have developed a lot of bad habits and fears due to my depression and its affect on our relationship. If anyone has any resources or personal stories of recovering your sex life AFTER depression, I would very much appreciate any insight or guidance.", "answer": "I wonder if Esther Perel's work could help? To my knowledge, she doesn't really speak much about depression but in general talks a lot about reviving connection, excitement, and intimacy in relationships and keeping the spark alive even in a long-term relationships or after difficult experiences like infidelity. She has some TED talks and a couple of books. She's brilliant.\n\nMaybe start here and see if it resonates? https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship", "topic": "getting_over_it", "post_id": "an4cec", "comment_id": "efr3gkv"}, {"question": "Hypothyroid or hypochondriac?", "description": "36yo white female. 5'1\" 170 pounds.\n\nHistory of depression since first child was born 5 years ago, anxiety, back and neck pain x 10 years. Fatigue, brain fog, apathy, hair loss, overheating, palpitations are primary concerns. Vitals and general bloodwork look pretty normal across the board. Surgical history includes hysterectomy last year and ankle ORIF-then-hardware-removal surgeries several years ago. Ongoing care includes facet joint rhizotomies in cervical and thoracic spine, both sides.\n\nMarried, full-time working mother of 2 with stable family and personal life. No smoking, no recreational drug use, habitual red wine drinker (2-4 glasses most days, able to cease consumption without any problem when desired).\n\nCurrent meds: Prozac 40mg, Singulair 5mg, Motrin 800mg, all 1x/day. Biotin supplement, thyroid supplement, and 10,000iu VitD for the past several days.\n\nI have had the possibility of thyroid issues dismissed by multiple doctors and I still question whether there may be something going on. Most recent thyroid labs indicated TSH of 1.75 u[IU]/mL and a free T4 of 0.58 ng/dl. Original labs from 2 years ago (same weight, similar meds) were TSH 1.11 and free T4 of 0.79.\n\nI do have thyroid nodules, some of which were approaching 1 cm at last scan. \n\nDespite working with my psychiatrist to optimize meds for the depression and poor mental state overall (Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, Cymbalta, Ativan, Buspar, several newer drugs including Rexulti and Trintellix, etc.), I have not found relief from major depression symptoms. Last year I lost and then regained about 35 lbs with no major cessation of symptoms.\n\nI have read that low free T4 with normal TSH and with symptoms of hypothyroid, a pituitary issue of some sort is sometimes present. I am probably somewhere on the hypochondriac-no-really-stop-Googling spectrum.\n\nLast week, I began eating low carb and taking a thyroid supplement and all of the hypothyroid symptoms have virtually disappeared. Should I insist on seeing an endocrinologist to explore further, or just keep doing what I'm doing? Or is there another option I'm missing?\n ", "answer": "Low free T4 in the absence of low TSH could be a primary pituitary problem, but your levels don't look so remarkably low to me. That said, it depends somewhat on the lab, and I am not an endocrinologist.\n\nThe thyroid supplement you're taking is a pretty generic multivitamin with extra iodine and L-tyrosine; it's not doing anything for your thyroid unless for some reason you're iodine deficient, which is exceedingly rare in the first world and would have other issues. I think what's most effective for you is probably the change in diet and some placebo effect. Which is fine!\n\nIf you're feeling better I think it makes the most sense to continue doing what you're doing. You could talk to a doctor about those thyroid numbers but I don't know that you need to jump to an endocrinologist.\n\nOh, and it's probably not great to drink that much wine. There is a decent body of evidence that heavier alcohol use, even if it's not an alcohol use disorder, correlates with worse depression and, in fact, at least one study showing that it may reduce response to Prozac specifically [(paper here, if you're interested)](https://ac.els-cdn.com/S0033318296715153/1-s2.0-S0033318296715153-main.pdf?_tid=ce85c95a-8141-4385-af72-f47dcd45033b&acdnat=1524265927_5303329ab80534283ebce43672a66f97).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8dq4lo", "comment_id": "dxpgz9q"}, {"question": "Why do girls ask \"why do you like/love me?\" and how would you answer?", "description": "I hear this a lot and had this happen to me recently. It seems whatever answer I give doesn't feel good enough due to the reaction on her face or the tone of her voice.\n\nI'd say things like \"you make me happy and feel so comfortable where I can be myself\" (cheesy words and the like)\n\nWhat would you girls want/expect to hear?", "answer": "My answer over the past 18 years of marriage:\n\n\"Uh, dat ass. Obviously.\"\n\n... like there's another possible answer to this question. :rollseyes:", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "irxgh", "comment_id": "c266lul"}, {"question": "My girlfriend [19] of 6 months drunkenly told me [23/m] about how her dad sexually abuses her when she's home on holidays. She told me not to bring it up when she's sober and I don't know how to handle it.", "description": "We've been dating for six months now and we're both in university. In her drunken state, she told me he's been sneaking to her room and touching her since she was 11. She won't tell anyone because she wants to keep her family together. She also made me promise not to bring it up when she's sober. It's doing my head in that I can't talk to her about this. What should I do?", "answer": "I think you need to pick a time when a) you're both sober and b) emotions are not running high for any reason and sit her down for a talk. This talk should be about *your* feelings, which should be book-ended by how much you care about her, and how this puts you in the painful position of knowing this terrible thing happened to her and (I'm guessing) wishing you could protect her but being bound by your promise to do or say nothing to her or anyone else about it. This way you're not forcing her to do anything, you're just expressing your feelings. \n\nHere's the thing. Secrets are the quickest way to poison a relationship--and they're a big part of an abusive relationship like the one she apparently has with her father. I realize you made a promise, but if you keep that promise your relationship will sour and be awful for you both, one way or another. If you break the promise there is the possibility that a) the relationship remains strong b) gets even *stronger* and c) your girlfriend gets help dealing with this which could lead to an even better relationship. \n\nOr it leads to a break up. But you will know you did not help enable the abuse she's been experiencing and that perhaps, in the future, she will be very grateful to you regardless of your relationship's outcome.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "48j0wf", "comment_id": "d0kc58q"}, {"question": "When should i tell my employer i have an overseas trip coming?", "description": "So it's not so simple. I found the perfect casual job today. Had my interview/trial at a nice izakaya(japanese bar) and the owner was nice, everyone was nice and the atmosphere was great. Few small mistakes here and there but i took note of everything and got along well. \n\nSo the problem is i have a short family vacation in a few weeks(20th of july) and i will be away for 10 days. The normal weekly shifts will be 3 days per week so i've calculated i would miss 4 if i went away. For this week i am suppose to come everyday until saturday to be trained. I want the highest chance that my employer will keep me without canceling my trip. Should i tell him tomorrow? End of the week after training finished? End of next week when i have received my first pay? \n\n\nLittle background info: 22yo uni student in town thats hard to land a casual job. Ldr gf is also coming along the trip and i only see her twice a year, so canceling it would be such a hassle for me, my family and gf.\n\n\nTLDR; When should i tell i have a short overseas trip coming up? I did the interview already but i was never asked if i had any upcoming unavailability.", "answer": "As soon as possible. If you've been hired, its because they assume you will be a good worker - no need to prove that you are. \n\nIf you wait, sure they might trust you more, but chances are they trust you already because they hired you. If you wait, you're also potentially making things harder for them , and they may wish that you had told them sooner.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8clkk", "comment_id": "eslwcvs"}, {"question": "Movies about Recovery", "description": "I watched the movie Flight last night, which is about a pilot that struggles with addiction and denial. I found it to be a really great, inspiring movie. It does have a lot of drinking in it, so if you are in early recovery, it may not be the best thing to watch. I did on day 2 and it didn't really bother me too much (except seeing a Yuengling bottle, my poison of choice). \nAre there any recovery movies that helped you all stay strong throughout yours? ", "answer": "I saw the documentary Anonymous People a while back. It was phenomenal film. Chris Herron's 30 for 30 ungaurded is excellent for us sports fans.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1t0jvc", "comment_id": "ce35sw6"}, {"question": "The on again off again binge drinker", "description": "Hello all, 27 M here.\n\nI just discovered this sub reddit today and I'm hoping this community could be what I need. I don't have the support from any person to truly help.\n\nI have the parents that say \"Stop drinking\"... yea, big help. The Girlfriend who says \"We'll do it together\"....and doesn't follow through. The best friend and brother who say \"I need to quit already\"... and show up to my place with beers for the game.\n\nI've felt I've always had a strong will power but maybe not since I have been able to stop in the past but then fall back down. \n\nI decided I was going to be the forerunner for everyone. Quit smoking and drinking COLD TURKEY for 2 months. Everyone said if I could do it for a month they would join my quest. After 2 months and no support I lost hope and came back down to their level. It was disheartening that my efforts went unnoticed and I was truly alone on it. Slight depression hit and I gave in.\n\nI'm not an everyday drinker but if there is a big sports game to watch, some big event (concert), party, or even just going to the bar on the weekend I binge drink. Which pretty much turns into every other night of drinking. $100+ tabs a night every time. *(I don't want to turn that number into a pissing contest.)*\n\nI've come to the point I'm living week to week on paychecks. When I was once comfortable with finances. I know the AMAZING FEELING it is to be sober. I miss it. I want it. I'm having trouble getting it back.\n\nThere seems to be no middle ground with me when it comes to drinking. I agree with the expression \"Everything in moderation.\" but this is one thing I cannot do moderately. It's always over the top. Once I start it continues in my lifestyle.\n\nIt's not easy to do. Especially when all my friends use drinking as a focal point to going out and being social. I've gone out while sober with them for extended periods of time. I found I was out of the loop and not enjoying myself as much as everyone else. As sad as that is to say. I don't need booze to enjoy everything, it's that aspect of the lifestyle of going to bars to hang with friends. I'm also not going to stop being friends with them over it. They are great people.\n\nSo I became a shut-in when not drinking. It became easier to avoid any temptation of drinking but it kills my social life. It also hurts my relationship with my girlfriend when she wants to get out, but I know what that turns into.\n\nIt's either a \"ALL OR NOTHING\" type of situation for me. \n\nI've done it before. I can do it again. This time I just need to find how I can deal with being able to be social with all these drinkers without partaking in the drinking myself...and keep it up. Maybe even try to figure out how to moderate my drinking while being social but I just don't know how or know if I want to at all.\n\n**I'd greatly appreciate anyone's advice, opinion, and experiences with this.**\n\nThank you for taking the time to read this.\n\n\nThis sub reddit shouldn't use these but I'll give it anyways.\n\nTL;DR : I have the ability to quit, done it, yet failed on and off many times. Looking for ways to stay sober and socially active without the booze with heavy drinking friends.", "answer": "I think the biggest problem among binge drinkers trying to get sober is when they get some sobriety under their belt and reward themselves with a drink starting yet another binge. I started as a binger before becoming a daily drinker and I know exactly how you feel. I think what's important is to have an idea of what you want. Do you want to take an extended leave before coming back, do you want to quit drink entirely? \n\nI personally would recommend complete abstinence. Most of us alcoholics have found that no matter how long we stay sober if we go back it becomes just as bad as it was when we stopped before. \n\nYou definitely have one of the key markers of an alcoholic binge drinker in the no ability to moderate statement, so if I were you I'd look into some of the support groups for alcohol, those being AA, SMART, LifeRing, etc. \n\nLastly, if you do get involved with one of those groups or are thinking about, but unsure post here and we can offer you our experiences. \n\nGood luck and I hope to see you around.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq7hf", "comment_id": "cacpfmz"}, {"question": "Wow yay my brother threw up this morning!! (!!! kill me)", "description": "*Trigger Warning blahblahblah* - \nHe has a really bad coughing problem that he's been developing again (he had acid reflux and esophagitis as a child.) It's especially bad in the morning. Apparently he was coughing a ton and before he knew it he got sick. Of course now I'm freaking out, scared he's actually really ill and that I may catch it. Time for bland foods and anxiety attacks for the rest of the week!! Yay! I love this phobia! :( ", "answer": "My husband has thrown up from coughing hard a handful of times... if that's what your brother thinks it is, I'm sure that's what it is! You can relax!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "6d3b12", "comment_id": "dhzn6x6"}, {"question": "procrastinating", "description": "i\u2019m going into a really good college in a few months and i really want to do well. i have a hard time getting work done right away because i procrastinate until last minute. how can i manage my time better and stop procrastinating?", "answer": "Get a planner. I really like Passion Planners because they have both monthly and weekly breakdowns, and the weekly ones are also broken up by the hour. They also have lots of space for extra notes and little motivational quotes which is nice.\n\nSchedule EVERYTHING you need to do. Write it down in a specific time block, say, at 3:30pm on Wednesday you're going to work on your essay for 1 hour, for example. Stick with smaller time blocks - the longer I give myself, the more time I have to get distracted by stuff. I need the pressure of having a short deadline.\n\nBreak down big projects into smaller tasks that you can do one at a time. So for the essay example - I don't know your writing speed/style - you either say \"I'll start at 3:30 and have a bullet point outline done by 4:30\" or \"I'll start at 3:30 and have 2 paragraphs written by 4:30\". Pick something that's not only reasonable, but downright EASY for you to accomplish. Something you KNOW you can do no problem. That way you get the good feeling of having accomplished it, and heck maybe you'll go above and beyond your original goal in that hour, which feels awesome. \n\nSince you're going to college, write out your class schedule in your planner first. Then, for each day, block out some \"study time\" and DEDICATE that time to a specific class. Say you have Math on MWF at 1pm - schedule a Math Study Hour for, say, 2pm on Mondays and Wednesdays - the closer to class time the better so you can take what you just learned in the class and do homework, make study materials like flashcards or outlines, do readings in the textbook, or even just re-write your notes. \n\nMake sure EVERY class has this dedicated study time. It can be 1 hour or 2 1-hour periods or whatever works for you. But plan that shit ahead of time. Think of your day like a typical 9-5 workday. Fill every hour with class or study time, THEN at 5 or whenever you're done, you don't have to study anymore. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n...also, don't be like me a few years ago and think you can schedule 8am classes on MWF and 11am classes on T-Th and think you get to sleep in every other day... that's how to guarantee your sleep cycle gets fucked and you start missing those MWF classes. Wake up around the same time every day, if you have extra time that's good Study Time.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8nh4o", "comment_id": "esokrlg"}, {"question": "Treating depression made my hyperactive symptoms worse?", "description": "So recently I\u2019ve been on a new depression med and it works great! The problem is that with more energy = bouncy legs, racing thoughts, twitching around etc. It hits worst when I\u2019m laying in bed trying to sleep, or at a bus station waiting or something. I thought I was mostly inattentive but now I\u2019m wondering if it\u2019s a mixed issue. It reminds me of someone saying that treating mental health can be like draining a clogged sink only to find dirty dishes at the bottom. The more control I have over my depression, the more clear my ADHD symptoms become. \n\nAnyone else deal with this?", "answer": "It\u2019s worth noting that some people can develop something known as akathisia when starting or stopping antidepressants or other medications. Akathisia is an internal sense of restlessness that creates a feeling of needing to move constantly as well as other symptoms that can look like anxiety. If it continues, you may wish to speak with your doctor. It all depends, of course, on whether or not the possible side effects are tolerable for you and if the benefits you\u2019re getting outweigh them.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "czhpfv", "comment_id": "ezl30ms"}, {"question": "[22/m]Unstable Relationship", "description": "Hey Guys,\n\nHonestly I don't really know where to start - this is my first time posting here and I don't know what to expect out of this. But I'll start with a little backstory:\n\nI started having feelings for this girl about 3 years ago when we were working together - she was 17, I was 19. I told her how I felt, and she basically said she'd rather be friends (I was also with someone at the time). We continued to work together, and became best friends about a year later. I stopped thinking of her as someone I really liked, and more as my best friend.\n\nThis summer while at a staff gathering she pulled my aside and told me that she liked me back then when I told her I did - but she wasn't ready. One thing led to another and I fell for her.... hard. We began a committed relationship July 27, and I couldn't have been happier. We had tons of time to hang out, and everything was fantastic. I was with the love of my life.\n\nSchool started and we were both super busy. She was stressed, and was new to relationships (this is/was her first one) I was understanding (to my knowledge) but she linked her stress with our relationship. She called me one morning and told me basically that she would rather hang out with her friends and make time for them, than me.. and that she just didn't want to have a boyfriend.\n\nI told her to take her time and think, and we talked later that day. She said she was being unreasonable and still loved me - and couldn't imagine being without me. She said she wouldn't do that again to me - and that she wouldn't be saying it if she didn't want to be with me for long term. Things were again great for about a month leading into today. She had been acting a bit distant - no more I love you's, so I asked her if everything was alright.\n\nShe said no - and she wanted to think about things (same thing as before). I called her, trying to figure out what was wrong and she said that her lifestyle just wasn't meant for a boyfriend, and that she doesn't think it's what she wants. The only thing that is making her not want to end it is the pain she'd cause me and the loss of her best friend.\n\nThe way I interpreted that is basically that she doesn't think that i'm worth making the effort of being in a relationship for anymore. And I understand that.. it's just her wording. Because she said she was still happy with me and everything that's going on. So I'm confused.\n\nShe is also going away to her friends university this weekend - and as much as I doubt she's doing this to have \"freedom\" while she's away it is in the back of my mind.\n\nBasically - I'm coming here almost knowing that i'm losing the love of my life and my best friend. All i'm looking for is the proper approach to the situation, and anything I should bring up when we finally talk. I don't want to keep her in something she doesn't want, nor something she isn't going to be happy with. \n\n**TL;DR**: Girlfriend said that she doesn't want a boyfriend - and is stressed about our relationship for the second time as much as she is happy in it. This is her first relationship. Looking for advice/an approach to take when we talk.", "answer": "She doesn't want to have a boyfriend but she enjoys spending time with you. You have to accept it for what it is, or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77n0j0", "comment_id": "don4b51"}, {"question": "\"You're not fun on your Adderall\"", "description": "I'm told I'm bland, lifeless, and most importantly not fun. It has now officially come to the point where every person I have dated seems to see my medicine as an enemy.\n\nIt has taken many years of crafting fake laughs, fake smiles, and fake enthusiasm to please those around me when I'm medicated. They want a bubbly version of me. They want the extrovert.\n\n\"Why don't u go off it?\" Because its my lifeline for completing tasks like a normal person.\n\"Why don't you do a lower dose?\" Because the lower the dose the less of an affect it has and the quicker it seems to wear off.\n\nI'm sad today because if I want to be 'fun' then I have to sacrifice my ability to function normally. Plus, the cuteness of my clumsiness, loud remarks, and forgetfulness only lasts so long before you will only become frustrated with me.", "answer": "Although I haven't had it to this extreme I've experienced similar. Before I started taking Adderall I was a lot more impulsive and drank way too much. Since I started taking it, one of the noticeable and unexpected differences for me is I can actually very easily drink in moderation and know when to cut myself off. \n\n\nI've had a couple of friends say things like \"I don't want to lose the old you just because you're taking the medication\" and get frustrated when I say I'm done drinking well before I'm hyper, loud, and obnoxious drunk. \n\n\nIf we were all still in our 20's, I might feel differently than I do and think \"ya know what, maybe I need to cut loose a little more\". Being almost 33, I don't really feel the need or desire to party like I'm in college any more, at least nowhere near as often.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cg7zw9", "comment_id": "eug5mw8"}, {"question": "Quick Question: I have No Feelings for Animals Whatsoever, What Might This Mean?", "description": "I don't have a history of bad experiences with animals. I don't feel this way towards humans. \n\nAnimal cruelty or torture does not have the effect on me as it seems to have on other people. Seeing a video of a person being murdered makes me upset, sad, horrified, and all that, but the same done to an animal provokes no special feeling.\n\nWhat gives? Where should I go for answers? Is this even a big deal? ", "answer": "I don't think I've ever seen videos of animal abuse, so I don't know how it would make me feel. I like animals and I've owned animals and treated them well, but I don't have nearly the compassion that most of reddit seems to have. \n \nI think that the most compassionate and \"right\" feelings are voted up by the majority, creating a false consensus effect on how people feel about animals. I see stuff like \"I'd choose my dog over my boyfriend any day!\" and just think \"well that's weird.\" and I DO think it's weird- I don't think it really represents the majority of the world. To most people, animals are animals. Not people. \n \nI don't think anything is wrong with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1t008v", "comment_id": "ce2z5se"}, {"question": "Obsession with being forgotten", "description": "Hello, I'm a 25 years old male. It's my first post on this sub. If im breaking any rules, sorry in advance. I'm not trying to be edgy, my only goal is to find the problem and fix it.\n\n10 years ago, I tried to break-up with my ex gf and it resulted with her suicide attempt. At first, I felt terrible, prayed for her non-stop and stayed in the hospital until she recovered. However, as soon as she recovered(the moment she step outside of hospital), I lost all of my interest towards her and her suicide gave me a great sense of importance (exp: I'm so important for her, she rather die than living without me.) Ever since then, I'm obsessed with being forgotten.\n\nA month ago, I ended a long-term relationship and had to do some cleaning on my phone and laptop(She and i had thousands of pics,vids together). Although i was being exposed to our past memories, I've never felt a thing. She even tried to get back together but i refused because I'm way happier without her. However, I was looking for some notes for my up coming exam and i came across to her profile in one of our mutual study groups. She seemed to getting over me and that terribly upset me and it got me thinking, I have no positive or negative feeling towards her, but the idea of her getting over me is unbearable. Then i remembered, even though i was in a very happy relationship with her, i always checked my ex gf's profiles to see if they're getting over me or not. I still have obsessive ex's that still text me and try to get in touch with me although im ignoring them for years, however when they stop trying to contact with me for a month or so, I feel awful, even tho their obsession with me makes my love life miserable and harder. I have no intention to be with them but whenever they hopelessly get in touch with me I get a sort of 'high' out of it.(really hard to explain, like a adrenaline rush. Even makes me dizzy for a short period of time).\n\nI know it's not love but i can't find a reason why im obsessed with such thing. Is there something wrong with me or it's a normal thing everyone experiences?\n\nSorry for the grammar errors and typo's. English is not my native language.", "answer": "Most things are normal and it depends on the level of effect the thing is having on your life. If it\u2019s distressing and impacting your life negatively then it\u2019s probably something you want to go unpack with a therapist. There can be attachment needs that we are trying to get met and sometimes we go about it in a way that isn\u2019t helping and is in fact causing more problems for us. So while you don\u2019t seek the ex\u2019s who get in touch you do get something out of it (feel good and feel important, get attention) and may reinforce their behaviour in some way because of the high you get. Because totally! We feel good when we get attention, when we feel like we matter to people, and when we feel wanted. So even though the way you\u2019re getting the need met isn\u2019t the favourable one and is causing some distress, it does serve a purpose. \n\n\nDo you feel that your wanting to be important to someone has influenced the type of girl/woman you\u2019re or have been attracted to? Are they ones that feed the need over the top/intense (where it was more obsessive as you said)? The intensity could feel really good to you as it\u2019s sooo much feeling of love, want, need, and makes you feel even more that you matter to them. Feeds the need yet the intensity is a warning sign they will be too attached which leads to difficulties and the end of the relationship.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "edn6z3", "comment_id": "fblvdku"}, {"question": "I'm (25/f) trying for a baby with my SO (28/m). I'm worried he wont be a hands on dad.", "description": "Me and my partner are trying for a baby. we've been doing it for a few months but haven't been successful yet. My SO is amazing. He's caring, kind, and considerate. But he can be lazy when it comes to home stuff. \n\nHe works shifts doing 12 hour day and night shifts. He does get a lot of time off though but spends most of it on his PC or sleeping. He doesn't cook meals and will begrudgingly do the dishes once a week if i beg him to. This worries me when we are faced with being parents. We live on our own. My family are 100 miles away, his family is over 200 miles away. We have next to no support network where we live and I'm worried his laziness is going to leave me frazzled. \n\nWhenever I approach the topic he always says hes going to step up when the baby arrives but thats hard to believe when he cant leave the wet towels in the bathroom. ", "answer": "Babies only cause extra stress-- they don't magically change someone's behavior. In fact, having a baby usually only exacerbates problems that already exist. 67% of couples who have a baby describe their relationship as worse off after having a baby. (John Gottman, Baby Makes Three, 2008). Fix your relationship BEFORE a baby comes, because having one will not fix the issues that are currently there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20j8oy", "comment_id": "cg3smqm"}, {"question": "Taking very long poops", "description": "I'm not officially diagnosed yet but I have been referred to a psych by my doc. Ever since I was a kid I have always taken at least a minimum of 25 mins and at the longest 1 hour to poop. I just sat there and played my gameboy or something (I currently have replaced that with reddit). I was just wondering of you guys take super long poops like me? ", "answer": "Yup. I get on reddit/Facebook/emails and stay there so long my leg falls asleep. Just total space cadet", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2dp08w", "comment_id": "cjse76e"}, {"question": "Could I be developing psychosis?", "description": "Last year, I started college and lived in a one-person suite. I\u2019m a bit on the shyer side, so I didn\u2019t make very many friends, and I eventually developed depression and my anxiety got worse. I did become considerably more isolated, and I didn\u2019t have anything to do but to think and think. I eventually started having existential thoughts like never before, and I would be consumed by these thoughts and couldn\u2019t fathom how we came into existence. Then I read somewhere on reddit about the simulation theory, and I started believing we lived in a simulation, and was constantly scared by that thought. \n\nAbout a year later, I live with 4 people and I\u2019m friends with all of my roommates and we hang out a lot together. I also socialize with my high school friends a lot, and I\u2019ve made a lot more friends. I still have depression and anxiety, but I\u2019m seeing a therapist now and I\u2019ve gotten considerably better. However, I had a bad weed trip a few days ago and experienced a sort of weed-induced psychosis where I started thinking about existence again and started trying to connect it with the government and it scared me into having a panic attack. I\u2019m better now, but it\u2019s making me think I might be developing psychosis.", "answer": "No. \n\nPeople who are depressed experience a range of distressing thoughts, some of which may question our existence, what's the purpose, etc. \n\nLay off the drugs, though. If, by chance, there is a genetic predisposition for a psychotic disorder, substance use may increase the likelihood of its eventual manifestation. Also, if your parents are okay, I'd rest assured.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "egkghz", "comment_id": "fc77ahy"}, {"question": "Rant: Can we stop fighting with each other about who has it worse? An open letter to this sub", "description": "So. Before you read this \\- if you even read this \\- full disclosure: I was a little bit upset and am wrote this for catharsis not that long ago after being told by a few people in this sub that my ADHD experiences aren't valid. This was for myself, but I decided to post this in case someone has experienced something similar.\n\nBecause I am posting this to r/ADHD:\n\nTl;Dr: \n\n* Every single one of us has been 'blessed' with a set of challenges, and just because someone is good at hiding those challenges from you or chooses not to divulge, doesn't mean they don't have their own obstacles to overcome;\n* Every single one of us is responsible for own behavior, and for managing our disorders \\- officially diagnosed or not \\- regardless of the cause;\n* I repeat: Even if this is \"who we are\", it is just the \"way our brains are wired\" and \"not our fault\", this does not absolve us of responsibility for our actions nor does it excuse us from trying to better ourselves;\n* ADHD symptoms are diverse \\- just because somebody talks about a specific experience or difficulty does not mean that they don't experience other symptoms, nor does it mean that they \"don't actually have ADHD\";\n\nDear r/ADHD:\n\n \nWhen I first saw you, it was love at first sight. I am now 30 years old, and have only been officially diagnosed for a little bit more than a year, but my psychologist that I was seeing for anxiety had been spending months trying to convince me that I had ADHD. And, similar to someone trying to set me up on a blind date, M felt that you and I would have connection, and that I would be able to relate to all your stories and experiences. So I reluctantly agreed to meet you for a coffee date. And she was right. I fell in love, and I thought I finally found someone who understood the \"real me\".\n\nListening to your stories and advice, I couldn't actually believe that my reality wasn't the neurotypical experience! You sympathized when I blew up at my family *yet again* and reminded me that it's not my fault! ADHD is an executive functions disorder, and it's *normal* for us to go from 0\\-60 in an instant. We get stuck in these loops! You sympathized when I missed paying my bills. Or when I almost lost my job. You even helped me come to terms as to why I dropped out of university. I won't go into too much detail, but you gave me confidence. You made me feel like I could do more, be more.\n\nAfter I came up with a treatment plan, no small thanks to you, I continued to come visit and would try to help others that were not sure of their diagnosis. And for awhile, things were great! I would ask questions about how other people were dealing with certain symptoms, provide some feedback on techniques that worked for me \\(super simplified non\\-fancy bullet journal, you are awesome for me!\\) and ones that did not \\(Pomodoro Technique \\- I tried, I really tried... but you just brought me way too much stress\\), and try to provide words of comfort where I could. Things started to become dark though. \n\nThe transition was slow, almost imperceptible, but I slowly started noticing that whenever I would come visit, I would leave in a bad mood. I would comment on how I tried this organizational technique and it worked for me and to make it simpler by removing this, or how that technique did not work for me because it was too complicated, or how motivation IS hard, but that there are some small hacks that can cut the edge off. Like rewarding yourself \\(Note: A bribe is NOT a reward. Bribes do not work. Rewards can.\\). Like telling yourself to just start, and you can stop after a minute. Or by figuring out what you CAN do that will get you closer to your goal, but doesn't seem to hard. \\(I don't want to go to the gym, but I guess I COULD put on my shoes. Or pack my bag\\). Instead of being supportive or offering your perspective, you would started to berate me. You would tell me that society just isn't built for people like me and that I needed to accept that I will never be more than my diagnosis. That other people had to adapt to my short comings, because I have a disability. Or my favorite? If I had JUST been born in the hunter\\-gatherer society, I would be revered, but because I am born in this day and age, I am not worthy. While this might be true, I am pretty sure that I would have been killed by a bear with how \"in my own head\" I can be. The sad part? I started to believe you. I started to believe that I was entitled to people adapting around my limitations. I started to believe that I needed to accept that I would never really achieve anything because I didn't have the attention span nor the ability to do anything meaningful. \n\nThen you made me feel like I didn't belong. \n\nNow, this next part is on me: I stopped sharing my experiences with you. \n\nI didn't see the point in telling you about how I almost offended a client by blurting something out that was very inappropriate. Or how I forgot my cell phone on a plane. Or even how I put my assigned work laptop on the concrete next to the driver side door while packing up the rental car. I was leaving the clients site after a long week and trying to make my flight. In my haste, I drove off. Meaning, yes, I left a $3,000 laptop on a curb in a parking lot and flew back home halfway across the world. Yeah... the bosses weren't so understanding on that one. I didn't feel the need to share, because I figured out with the support of my family how to mitigate that. And honestly? I'm still embarrassed. \n\nBut I would still read posts on organizational techniques, because that is still something I have trouble with.\n\nI don't know if you were trying to get a rise out of me, I don't know if you were in a dark place yourself, but on one such organization post, you told me that although I technically might have ADHD because I forget things, people with *real* ADHD have issues with prioritization and motivation, not working memory, and if this helps me, it's because I don't actually have ADHD, or my ADHD is so mild it is inconsequential. You then quoted Dr. Barkley about how people with ADHD are not stupid, and that we should stop treating them as if they were. I was upset, but I thought that this was perhaps a one\\-time thing.\n\nI learned it was not.\n\nI started coming around with another account, and mostly lurked. That is when your dark side really became apparent. People complaining and not taking responsibility for their actions or expecting other to fix their messes, people invalidating my or other people's experiences whenever whenever someone dared to contradict, or offer a suggestion. People putting other people down, or even telling them that they didn't belong on this sub because the could not possibly have ADHD. \n\nAt what point did this become a contest about who has it worse? Why do we feel like we feel like we have the right to judge and tear each other down, especially here?\n\nNow, most of us are not like this, but unfortunately, it's the ones you wish you could forget that you remember the most.\n\nThe truth is. Maybe you are who you've always been. Maybe I am the one who changed.\n\nI then realized something: I am confident in my diagnosis. I am confident that my psychologist, my psychiatrist and my family have it right.\n\nAlso: Despite what you were saying, I know that although that ADHD IS a part of me, **I am so much more than just someone with ADHD.** I am an intellectual, and I love gaining knowledge. Even before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I would read at least two books a month. I am a creator, and I love bringing new ideas and insights to light using data. I am a loving wife who regularly makes her husband laugh after a long day. I am an adventure\\-lover who loves taking off into the wild for a weekend with friends. I am a mother to a fur\\-baby who acts as if her world revolves around me, because it does. I am a data scientist \\- a dream you said there is now way I would ever achieve because it would require too much focus. And yes, I am also someone with ADHD.\n\nI will be damned if I LET you define who I am, or how I should be.\n\nC\n\n**Edit: Guys, I'm overwhelmed. But in a good way!!**\n\nAfter I wrote this post, I turned my notifications off after the first comment rolled in and was shocked when I turned on Reddit this morning on the train. I assumed that nobody would read this, or that I would be downvoted to oblivion. I will properly respond to everyone once I'm at a computer.", "answer": "It breaks my heart a little seeing how negative people can be about their diagnosis. I have never been personally attacked, I try to give advice where I can. I\u2019ve not only dealt with this my entire life, both unmedicated and medicated, but I\u2019m in the last stretch of my psych phd so experience + a ridiculous amount of studying. \n\nIt sucked sitting in a classroom listening to how people with my diagnosis (adhd combined type severe\u2014though it\u2019s gotten significantly better hyperactivity wise in the last three years) are basically fucked. That\u2019s what the research says. But what\u2019s funny is that in my actual day to day life, I have yet to meet someone with adhd who isn\u2019t succeeding/doing something they enjoy etc. \n\nSo yeah it makes me really sad when people post just shitting all over themselves are their chance at success because of their DX. But I\u2019ve stopped trying to help those people because honestly they don\u2019t seem to want it. If you are sure you aren\u2019t going to succeed in this world, you won\u2019t. Adhd makes shit harder, I also know my different way of thinking makes me a valuable team member (as long as the team is okay with shit happening last minute). Our brains are spider webs, and it takes time and routine and strategy and tears and failures and trying new things and mother fucking grit, but we can learn how to be bad ass spiders whose moves are disciplined and deliberate rather than flies caught in our own webs. \n\nAt 6 I was diagnosed with adhd, And also with dysgraphia, which\u2014fun fact\u2014was the rarest of all LD\u2019s accounting for only 4% of all LD diagnoses (they use different language now for that too). I was fortunate though, my IQ is kinda ridiculous. So! My parents told me I didn\u2019t have LD or ADHD though, they actively denied it, but expected me to perform at my IQ level. All my symptoms were seen as laziness. They ruined learning for me for a long time. The thing I heard the most was \u201cif you had actually tried, you would have done better.\u201d \n\nI had issues socializing. My grades sucked, I couldn\u2019t focus enough to do homework\u2014and then I stopped because if I was going to fail anyway what was the point of trying. And then things changed the first time my friend gave me one of her adderall, and I started using them for big projects/papers and what do you know\u2014my grades went up. I was a straight A student in college, finally got my own script at 22 when I found and read the report from the first time I was tested and diagnosed (did I mention there were two more times? Yeah). Things changed for the better. \n\nAnd then after five years I started abusing my meds and long story short took 14 months off of them. Even though it fucking sucked, I learned the discipline I needed and still got A\u2019s in the two semesters of my phd program. Then shit got real and I had to go back on them because I CAN write a paper without my meds, I just didn\u2019t have the extra time to do it slowly. \n\nI haven\u2019t paid my rent on time in a year, I refuse to have a credit card because I know I\u2019ll forget to pay it, I have also lost a laptop\u2014and almost lost two others but realized and went back, i once lost the same homework assignment three fucking times (handwritten), I have zero short term memory but a crazy detailed long term memory, I have very little control over my mouth in social settings, I have accidentally called therapy clients \u201cbro\u201d, I have to leave the snooze button on to make sure I get out of the house on time otherwise I swear I just fucking time travel....\n\nI know I\u2019m lucky being smart, it means I can brute force my way through a lot of things. But this phd program.... it takes a lot more than smart to be successful. I had to learn how to be a good student. And sometimes are better than others... for example I played video games BEFORE starting my report and now it\u2019s 3am and whoops! I knew better, I did it anyway. Like you said, rewards not bribes lol. \n\nAnyway, I\u2019m sorry you\u2019ve had this negative experience. I love hearing from other people who are figuring this shit out ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "8nalcg", "comment_id": "dzvaztt"}, {"question": "Struggling to find a therapists in network and feeling just so lost and alone, advice appreciated!", "description": "Hi, everyone, I actually just joined Reddit to find a community to help me with this issue. I have hit a wall lately and I need some help with what I think may be depression stemming from communication issues within in a relationship (I don't actually know what is wrong to be honest which is why I am trying to find help). The process of trying to find someone has been awful and I have never felt so lost and alone before.\n\nAbout three months ago I realized I needed to get serious about this problem and seek out the help of a therapist. My boyfriend of 5 years would like to take part in this process with me as we struggle with communication and it is the root of a lot of problems. He acknowledges that we would both benefit from this process together. We live in a very expensive state in the US and while I am lucky to have a good job, I don't have much of an expendable income left over to pay for a therapist out of pocket after my monthly rent and bills. My health insurance will cover 80% of the cost of therapy which is why I need to stay in-network. I have been using my insurance provider finder tool and psychology today to research therapists in my city that are within my network, but I cannot seem to find anyone who is accepting new clients. I have been searching in my free time (breaks and evenings) for the past three months and have been repeatedly told time and time again that, \"sorry, I am not taking new clients at this time.\" I started this process so hopeful and I have now resorted to crying after each rejection. I feel like we are becoming more desperate for help but there is no one to help us that we can afford.\n\nWe have looking at MFT but have exhausted the resources in my network (all rejections unfortunately). We looked at out of network options, but really can't afford the per session rates being advertised. What else can we be doing? Where else should we be looking? Are we narrowing ourselves too much by looking at MFT? We aren't religious, so faith based therapy is not a good fit for us.\n\nOn a separate note, this has caused me to do some in-depth research into why I am having an issue finding a therapist in-network. I am really beginning to understand how going through our insurance is holding me back, I just can't afford this without it; it feels like a painful catch-22.", "answer": "You don't need to go to an MFT for couple's counseling. Licensed Psychologists, Licensed Professional Counselors, and Licensed Clinical Social Workers can all provide marital/couple's counseling. They're just as trained as LMFT's and probably easier to find. \n\n\nYour other option is to find larger agencies in your area that accept your insurance. Many of them won't advertise on psychologytoday. One way is to type mental health therapy into google maps in your area and research which companies pop up and call them to see if they take your insurance.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "buxy5b", "comment_id": "epj757d"}, {"question": "Almost made it through christmas", "description": "I'm about 2.5 weeks sober and I made it through a Christmas eve party with a bunch of friends and now I'm almost through a small christmas gathering with my sister and her fiance. I decided to not fly home to be with my immediate and extended family, as I knew the temptations would be greater. It's hardly felt like Christmas but at least I made it through without drinking. \n\nSo glad to be able to check in with you all. Hope everyone else had some success getting through the holidays.", "answer": "Awesome to see your dedication is greater than you fear of being uncomfortable in New decisions. What a great start to your work towards a better life. Woot!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3y8pya", "comment_id": "cybhag6"}, {"question": "Best friend doesn't trust me with certain things", "description": "I have a good friend who I have known for years now. We got into the same argument over and over and I acted rashly and now they said they do not rely on me anymore and do not trust me with things when they are not a feeling the best, which is what leads to fights to begin with. I am not sure how to fix this issue. Thoughts?", "answer": "Significantly reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your rash acts. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7hp6", "comment_id": "dhkmkgl"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure my bf has an interest in males", "description": "He been throwing hits here and there and I'm not sure what to do? Should I confront him? ignore it?leave him? I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about it\n\nEdit: I came across a few messages a year ago and a few months ago about him making plans to meet another guy for a sexual relationship I'm positive it's a guy (been together for 7 years)", "answer": "Are you exclusive?\n\nIf no, there's nothing to confront. \nIf yes, are you willing to trust him?\n - if yes, relax. \n - if no, then you can tell him that you're scared and ask him if he'll talk to you about it. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqx2h", "comment_id": "dj8fp6b"}, {"question": "My good feelings are starting to feel as if they are flattening out.", "description": "I know it's all a part of the process. I know it's something I have to go through. I just hate the negative thoughts. And I'm eating everything. I feel as if I'm starting to get a little down. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAlthough, I'm really proud of today that I didn't drink. I'm really proud that I haven't had a drink or even craved much at all. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don't know. :/\n\nMaybe I'll feel better tomorrow.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nGoodnight SD.", "answer": "I felt this too... i found mindfulness helpful. See www.themindfulnessapp.com... its simple and free and a good place to start if this interested you.\n\nStick with it... i'm 6 months in now and its getting so much easier.\n\nIwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9sknv3", "comment_id": "e8prrwg"}, {"question": "Metformin as a muscle relaxer?", "description": "Greetings all, I (21M) had a question which just struck me after doing some internet searches. I recently went to the doctor to get a checkup about some hip/sciatic nerve pain that I\u2019ve had for months now. The doctor prescribed me a steroid, an anti-inflammatory, and a muscle relaxer to take at night before bed. I\u2019m not worried about the first to but the Metformin (the doctor claimed is the muscle relaxer) however when I look up Metformin it says it\u2019s a anti-diabetic medicine. I don\u2019t really see anything about it being a type of muscle relaxer. I have never been told about diabetes and as far as I know I do not have diabetes (my grandpa has diabetes and he did a test for me months ago and said as far as he can tell I seem to be alright). \n \nI just want to know if the medicine I was prescribed is correctly prescribed as a muscle relaxer or if it\u2019s incorrectly prescribed? Thanks!", "answer": "I wonder if this was supposed to be metaxolone (Skelaxin) or meloxicam (Mobic) and got messed up somewhere.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7qemg", "comment_id": "fif4ykf"}, {"question": "Where can I snag a lifelike mannequin for body language instruction and to practice different hand shakes etc. ?", "description": "Hello fellow 2013-ers! I am looking for a life-sized mannequin to practice body language techniques with. Things like moving fingers and rotating shoulders would be helpful, but at the very least, I'd like it if they were slightly alterable. Amazon has some fiberglass ones but they aren't very movable and the shipping over there is a bitch. Can you think of some stores where I can find one?", "answer": "A mannequin might be overkill. Why not just practice making expressions in the mirror?\n\nOr, if you want to practice recognizing expressions/postures, watch a movie/tv show and see what the actors are doing?\n\nThis [body language guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/body-language) also gives a few good tips for practicing that don't require the purchase of a mannequin :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "15ur86", "comment_id": "c7q5elp"}, {"question": "Zoloft...", "description": "Was just prescribed Zoloft. Had a hellish experience on Celexa about a month ago that landed me in the ER Twice...\n\nAny positive experiences on Zoloft? No negatives please, my brain will run wild. Thank you in advance ", "answer": "Zoloft has been one of the best meds I've ever taken for OCD.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4ziz68", "comment_id": "d6wf8qv"}, {"question": "Why do people self diagnose ?", "description": "I saw this post on r/tumblr of someone self diagnosing themselves with all sorts of illnesses. \n\nAfter the anger subsided. It made me wonder. Honestly, why do people selfdx? Is it a trend? I notice people tend to self diagnose with certain illnesses more often then others (anxiety, autism(?)) how do they come up with the diagnosis in the first place? \n\nThose who do self diagnose- how has it helped you? Why haven't you sought a psychiatric or psychological assessment? How do you seek treatment without official diagnoses? \n\nEdit: although lots of down voting, I really appreciate everyone that posted some really interesting and valid things. Mental health awareness and access to services seem to be a big issue all over the world, whether health care is paid, free, whether your in a developed or developing nation. Those in rural areas are also greatly affected. We tend to focus on the \"attention seeking self diagnosers\" (myself included) instead of looking at the overarching global problem! Thanks again to everyone and wishing you all the best", "answer": "Simply put, self-diagnoses put labels on symptoms that people don't understand. When they're able to label it, they think they understand it better, and can then treat it better.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68a1gp", "comment_id": "dgxiotu"}, {"question": "I think I have depression, but I'm not sad at all. I'm just mentally and physically exhausted all the time.", "description": "19, male, 5 foot 11, 125 pounds, White British, 5+ years, England, depression maybe?, about to start Effexor (venlafaxine).\n\nAs you can tell by this information I am underweight, I just can't muster the energy to eat.\n\nMy mind is foggy, I can't think, my body aches.\n\nI don't feel sad, I am just tired 24/7 and it's driving me crazy.\n\nI've been on 3 different SSRIs, Zoloft, Prozac and Citalopram. None of them seemed to help me, though Zoloft may have helped bring some colour and clarity back at some point.\n\nI had a blood test for vitamins, minerals, organ function and thyroid. There were no significant deficiencies.\n\nCould I have a sleep disorder? Sleep apnoea perhaps?\n\nI want to be sure before I commit to a serious SNRI like Effexor, I am terrified of losing my sex drive forever or something else equally awful.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "If you have a loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities and decreased energy, then you can be diagnosed with depression. Nevertheless id be ensuring that other common medical conditions are excluded prior to antidepressant use, which seems to have happened. Also given that you had some response to sertraline means that they're probably on the right track.\n\nWhat doses to your antidepressants did you get up to?\n\nEdit: if your sex drive is affected, it wont be permanent, but you should tell the doc. We're not here to torture you with the medication.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5gqe6u", "comment_id": "daunj5t"}, {"question": "28f with a 36m boyfriend who stonewalls me. I'm near my wits end with this crap.", "description": "Hello community, \nI'm seeking some insight into what my options are for working on my communication issues with my boyfriend. We have been together for a year. He is a teacher (dealing with burnout) and I am a therapist in training. It has come out recently that he has some mixed feelings about my profession. The main thing that seems to bother him is that I like to communicate about feelings. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me. He has been opening up more about his loving feelings. But when he is upset, frustrated or sad he totally shuts down. I pretty much share all of my feelings, so when I share when I am feeling anxious, sad or frustrated he also shuts down. It makes me feel very lonely and unsure if this relationship is going to work for me in the long-run. I love him. I love to travel and go on adventures with him. When things are good they are really good. But I have found that any mention on my part about things not being \"goooood\" sends him into a drawn out episode of silent brooding that I have no insight into-because he will not talk to me.\nThe reason why breaking up hasn't come up is because when things are good, we openly talk about committing to each other long-term. But I must say that this communication issue is causing me to have some doubts. I have suggested that we seek some couples counseling and that seems to also cause him to go into one of his stonewalling fits. I don't think he has yet to give me a solid answer as to whether or not he would be open to going to a counselor with me. \nSo what do ya'll think? Should I give up and move on? Is there something that I am missing here? Hmmmmm....\n\nSmall Update: My boyfriend agreed a few days ago to be available to have a phone conversation about our communication dynamics on Saturday (yesterday). He tried to pull some shit and told me over facebook that his phone was \"missing.\" I called BS on that one and called him on facebook LOL. He was shocked but he took the call. Anyway, instead of bringing up what I was talking with him about earlier this week I explained to him some of the communication dynamics I was noticing between us and I asked him if he had any ideas for how to remedy them. He surprised me by suggesting that we arrange to have a weekly check-in. So right now we are going to make time every Sunday afternoon to have a serious conversation about how our communication is going. I feel good about trying this out. I'll keep everyone updated about how it goes. Thanks for your suggestions. ", "answer": "If you can afford it, find a Gottman certified marriage therapist (obvs don't have to be married)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ykoz6", "comment_id": "dmocktn"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stop talking 20mg of Escitalopram cold turkey?", "description": "* 23 years old\n* Male\n* 6 foot\n* 105kg\n* White Australian\n* Stopped talking my 20mg Lexapro prescription 3 days ago\n* NSW Australia\n* Clinical depression, anxiety and ADHD\n* 20mg Lexapro\n\n \nSo I stopped taking my normal dose of 20mg of Lexapro 3 days ago, am feeling weird side affects (which are apparently normal), and I just wanted some advice on whether or not this could be potentially dangerous. I want to get off my antidepressants, but did not consult my doctor, I just went cold turkey. Is this safe? Should I start taking them again? Thanks :)", "answer": "Not dangerous \u2014 unless your depressive symptoms return. Gradual taper is preferred. (I\u2019m a psychiatrist.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bkhaxh", "comment_id": "emlczf6"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend going to cheat on me/ should I abandon the relationship altogether?", "description": "Okay, so I'm in a really tricky situation here and I'm not sure what to do... so the obvious reaction is to take to the internet for help ;)\n\nMy boyfriend [22] of a year and a half has, shall we say, a wandering eye. He is constantly stalking girls he has slept with/ got with on Facebook and Instagram. Last week I found out when he went out he ended up alone with a random girl, who added him on Facebook. He then told me that he had been looking at her profile a lot (practically every day since it happened) and clicking through 100's of pictures. He has assured me that nothing happened, that he was drunk and flattered by the attention.\n\nHowever I recently found out he cheated in his previous relationship of 3 years. He told me it was just a drunken kiss on a night out. He said it happened when he was 19, and has now grown up. Bear in mind I found this out through a friend of his, the first time I heard about it from him was when I confronted him about it.\n\nAnyway, I can't help feeling super anxious about this. Pair the fact that he has a history of cheating, with intensely stalking other girls, and ending up alone with them on nights out and I feel so.. paranoid (I hate that word, but yeah). I already suffer from quite serious depression and anxiety, so I can't say how much of this is a result of my mental health and how much of it is me being realistic.\n\nAm I being totally out of order/ getting into crazy girlfriend territory or do you think I have a reason to be concerned? I want to move on and forgot about the past cheating and current online stalking but I can't help having doubts in the back of my mind. ", "answer": "Get out of this; he doesn't want what you want", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60fn66", "comment_id": "df601j9"}, {"question": "Increasing Potassium", "description": "With a potassium level of 3.1mmol I was trying to increase my daily intake with bananas and coconut water. \n\nI did 150% of RDA or so in those for 3/4 days. \n\nMy levels are now 3.7mmol. \n\nHaving some pvcs I\u2019m keen to get it back over 4. \n\n\nI haven\u2019t been sick so not sure why it got so low. \n\nIs this rate of increase normal?", "answer": "A very rough guide is that 400 mg of potassium will increase your blood level by about 0.1 mmol/L. I'm unaware of any RDA for potassium, but if you went a gram or so extra per day then increasing by 0.6 mmol/L total seems about right.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8y97yu", "comment_id": "e293h9t"}, {"question": "At a risk of mental illness/suicide?", "description": "My mom has tried to commit suicide several times during her life. Once I was like eight and I witnessed the cut on her wrists while she had attempted to take her life. I still remember. While my grandmother had her own history of strange behaviour.\n\nMy sister (16) is in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend and her friends told me they saw light self harm scars.\n\nNone of them have been diagnosed with anything as mental health is a taboo here. I am 18. If there a history of mental illness/suicide in my family, does that mean I will have this kind of behaviour too? And whoever comes after me?\n\nTo be honest, I have been having bad thoughts too...", "answer": "That's a tricky question.\n\nResearch does show that folks who experience some of those things in their homes (even if it's not them going through it) may be at a higher risk for developing mental health concerns. There is a HUGE study on this by Kaiser Permanente: it's called the ACE study. Look it up if you like.\n\nThe important takeaway those is that these are correlations, NOT causations. Just because that happens in someone's family doesn't mean that person is going to through it too. It's more complex than that. One might say that you may be more sensitive or predisposed to experience some mental health issues because of what you've experienced. \n\nThat's why self-care and doing your own work can be so important. You can learn from the experiences of your family members to avoid getting caught in some of the same situations that led to those mental health concerns.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkiwgn", "comment_id": "f4g2l65"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions. If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy. \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches. If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable. \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative. Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based). If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit). You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc. It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "e4a10en"}, {"question": "[m22] How can I build a relationship with my family?", "description": "Hello Reddit, I was hoping if I can get some advise on building a stronger relationship with my family (mom, dad, sibling etc.) For a very long time I was always the person that would be seen in he corner of the room alone not because people didn't like me, but because I never felt like anyone wanted me so even around family I isolated myself. I would consider myself to be a very soft spoken and easy going person and when I do open myself I always seem to attract people, but I don't feel like I really connect with anyone and it's beginning to really hurt. I have a very loving family and I have a good relationship with a women that loves me more then I deserve, but I don't feel anything inside and I just don't understand it! Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...", "answer": "i would contact one family member with who you have the greatest likelihood of re-connecting. meet for coffee, and go from there.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xjxs9", "comment_id": "deio231"}, {"question": "Metoprolol succinate 12.5", "description": "25 yo female taking 12.5 mg once daily for palpitations. I was on 25mg up until October when my doctor allowed me to cut my dose in half. Over the past few months I have been experiencing weight gain, hair loss, and general fatigue. Are these normal side effects?\n\nI am thinking of stopping metoprolol but I know quitting cold turkey is usually not recommended. Is 12.5mg a small enough dose where quitting cod turkey would be ok? ", "answer": "Fatigue and lowered mood are possible side effects. Weight gain would be unusual, and hair loss extremely so. What you're describing could be an endocrine problem like hypothyroidism. Has that been tested?\n\n12.5 mg is half a tablet, right? That's the lowest dose, and almost certainty safe to discontinue. It would be hard to find a lower dose to take without special formulation by a compounding pharmacy!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8a264k", "comment_id": "dwvagbb"}, {"question": "Anytime someone asks/reminds me to do something I either was about to do, or need to do, my motivation for doing said thing immediately drops to zero", "description": "It's like I have the thought of doing in my mind and I'm contemplating it, then out of nowhere someone will say \"don't forget to (insert chore/homework/thing here) and surprise! I now no longer have any want or will or desire to do it anymore. \n\nI think it's partly because I don't want them thinking I did it because they reminded me lol", "answer": "I started saying thank you and doing it anyway, now I thank my car when it dings to remind me my lights are still on. Lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jzpges", "comment_id": "gde342i"}, {"question": "How likely is Tricuspid valve stenosis picked up from chest xray?", "description": "Hi, I was diagnosed with tricuspid valve stenosis when i was around 17 and the Doctor said it was very minor and will only need treatment/operation 20,30 years down the line, he used Electrocardiograph to determine this and I recall him saying it was difficult to pick up. \n\nRecently I had to get a chest x-ray as part of a medical for a job and im wondering how likely is it for them to pick it up? Would it be plain as day or quite difficult to tell if they didnt know I already had it. ", "answer": "Difficult. An excellent radiologist might pick up findings and suspect it, but a plain radiograph isn't going to give a definite diagnosis and I think most people would likely miss it entirely.\n\nNot a radiologist myself, though. Maybe the subtle findings are clear as day to the experts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "918tnz", "comment_id": "e2w7aai"}, {"question": "Even some of the smallest changes feel incredible", "description": "Now that I\u2019m over 100 days in I\u2019m feeling so grateful for so much even things that seem insignificant.\n\n- waking up with out a hangover \n- making my bed every morning \n- brushing and flossing my my teeth twice a day \n- washing my face twice a day \n- actually being able to stick to a whitening routine (my teeth are actually whiter for the first time ever!)\n- not wasting all of my sick time/PTO on hangovers! (I already saved up enough PTO to take a weeks vacation!)\n- actually giving my dog the attention and time he deserves!\n- not fighting with my husband over nonsense\n- remembering my moms birthday and taking her out for lunch\n- cleaning my house (still working on this but I\u2019m definitely getting better at it!)\n- consistently writing in a journal \n- early weekend breakfasts \n- sleeping in because I want to not because I\u2019m in to much pain to get up\n- remembering going to bed every night \n- not worrying about getting a DUI or crashing my car \n- not waking up with intense fear and anxiety after black outs\n- being able to recognize when I\u2019ve messed up and own up to it\n\nI have control of my life for what seems like the first time ever, I still have bad days and I still get cravings, but as time goes on they seem to get fewer and far between. \n\nThis sub was the first resource I found once I finally decided things needed to stop once and for all and it definitely put me on the right path, I can\u2019t express how grateful I am for everyone here!\n\nThanks,\nIwndwyt ", "answer": "Well done. Your teeth would thank you if they could \ud83d\ude01", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8utehg", "comment_id": "e1itga7"}, {"question": "I don't want to continue to see my current therapist - Help with how to say it?", "description": "I've had a few sessions with them, but I just don't feel like they're a good fit for me. \n\n\n\\- It has bothered me that each session, they bring up topics from other clients \"I have a client that's going through X\", totally unrelated to what I'm going through. I don't want to know about that stuff. I haven't had a therapist bring up other clients they see, ever. \n\\- I feel some kind of emotional responsibility, that makes me anxious in session, about their mental health. And I haven't experienced this with any of the other few therapists I've seen over several years. \n\\- I feel like the administrative side \\[payment, scheduling appointments\\] feels too casual with lack of definition, which I don't do well with. \n\\- There are a few other things that bother me as well. but I don't want to get too detailed. \n\n\nSo I haven't been in a few weeks, and they texted me \\[also, not something I want with the next therapist I see\\]. I feel I can't ghost them, and need to respond that it's not a good fit. But ugh I hate it! \n\n\nI want to keep it short and sweet... Can I just say something like \"it's been a pleasure, but I just don't think it's a good fit\", which seems insensitive over text.... :(", "answer": "I am very anti-ghosting on therapists, but what you have here is absolutely fine. You don't have to manage their feelings; it's just helpful so that they can open up your slot for new clients, close your file, and not *worry* that something serious or bad has happened to you. \n\nI might say something like, \"Hey, thank you for reaching out. After a couple of sessions, I don't feel that you're the right fit for me. I am not interested in making another appointment. Thanks for your time and best wishes going forward!\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ettuzw", "comment_id": "ffjntsz"}, {"question": "Thinking about an open relationship?", "description": "I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for four years this month. It started in sophomore year of high school. I love her so much and I'd love to marry her and settle down but lately I've been feeling lost. I've only had sex with 2 people her being the second and she's only had sex with 2 people, me being the second. I'm in my 20s and I really want to experience other bodies and explore my sexuality. I want her to do the same and with her being 2 hours away at college I think it'd be easy for her to explore herself. I'm a very jealous hypocritical person and I'm trying to work on that, and the thought of her sleeping with another male bothers me. But I want her to enjoy her college years and I want to enjoy living in the city as a young guy. I'd love to still be with her and give her all my love and affection while we both potentially sleep with other people. I'd love to settle down with her but right now I'm just not ready. And after 4 years of only know two people it's just weighing down on me. What should I do, does this seem like a bad idea? ", "answer": "open relationships are very delicate and only work if both people are 100% comfortable", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ma1fk", "comment_id": "dc23ddf"}, {"question": "Question about duties or responsibilities to patient for psychiatrist", "description": "I'm currently applying for disability in the US, specifically Colorado. I have been seeing my pyschiatrist for 4-5 years and when I informed him that I would be applying for my physical disabilities he encouraged me to also include my mental illness as a disability. My lawyer gave me a form for him to fill out about my level of impairment and treatment history. Apparently that kind of form/info is really helpful for getting approved. \n\nHe does not want to fill out this form and is refusing to fill it out. I was basically wondering if he had any sort of duty or responsibility to fill it out or if it's just an optional thing that he doesn't have to do if he doesn't want to?", "answer": "A doctor generally has no obligation to divulge clinical information to any third party unless obliged by legal proceedings. So yes, it's optional.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sh4t4", "comment_id": "dldoqsm"}, {"question": "How to convince friend to see a psychiatrist", "description": "Perhaps I should give some background. I have a friend who, since childhood, has had OCD. As a child the OCD apparently bad but, through therapy, he was able to overcome his problems with symmetry, habitual hand washing, etc. Fast-forward some fifteen years, he recently became very depressed, convinced that his body was plagued by certain pains (minor pains in back, a finger pain, strange swollen feeling in ear). Essentially he saw no point in living, seeing how he has all these different pains that no doctor has been able to find a physical precedent for. He was however, convinced that these pains were physical.\nHe could no longer function properly at work because he was constantly thinking about one of his pains. He stopped doing outdoor activities that involved one of his hands (for fear that it might \"re-injure\" his already \"hurt\" finger). He also became very depressed after he took anesthesia for surgery on a fractured bone. The anesthesia made him worry more about how weak his body was, about how easily it was to 'put it down.'\nHe became borderline suicidal, tortured by the fact that he was visiting all these doctors, going to appointments, getting medical treatment (including surgeries on areas he thinks there is pain) with no results. He recently came under the impression that parasites might infest his house (he has dry skin on one arm). He also had to take a blood test recently and one of the tests came out slightly abnormal but all the others were fine and the doctors didn't think anything of it. However, he has convinced himself that he might have some type of blood disease. He's now trying to get more blood tests done to confirm whether or not this is true. He also had an infected scratch a while ago but he thinks the pain is re-emerging and that the infection has somehow burrowed itself inside of him.\nI have hinted at all of his worries about pain, shortness of breath, excessive coughing, heart rate, etc. are due to his OCD, his tendency to focus and worry about one particular symptom for hours at a time. I then started to look up somatic symptom disorder, and he meets almost all the criteria. He's diminishing the quality of his life, but at the same time he feels like chasing down all these doctors, getting these tests done, getting surgery, is the only way he can solve his issues. It's a vicious cycle--like an alcoholic who drinks to suppress the pain, while remaining ignorant towards the fact that the alcohol is also exacerbating the pain.\nHe sees his problems as solely physical, and is trying to treat them as such. I think they're fundamentally mental and if he continues to remedy these issues solely through physical means, he won't solve the problem and will further plunge himself into anxiety and depression. I have told him to see a psychiatrist but he has yet to do so. He wants to deal with the physical aspect first he says. He also has a stigma against therapists and psychologists (him seeing psychiatry as an outgrowth of these)--calling them money-hungry people who pretty much just earned a college degree to swindle others out of their money by eliciting pointless conversation. He also is opposed to anti-depressants, seeing them an artificial means to happiness that robs him of his agency to achieve happiness himself.\nI've been thinking about finally confronting him, of telling him how serious I think his situation is. I want to insist that his problem is not just a conglomeration of unfortunate physical issues but, rather, a fully-fledged mental disorder. I'm baffled how obvious it is, yet how oblivious he is to it. I'm afraid of doing this though. How can I convince my friend to get adequate help? I'm watching him destroy his life, and he's too hung up on the physical side of things to take notice of the underlying mental instability. Please help.", "answer": "You'd hope that whichever doctor is coordinating his overall care will be recognising the possibility of mental health issues affecting your friend. He clearly has no intention to seek help, so it's going to be pretty difficult to change that except in a crisis situation. I suspect we will have to wait and hopefully watch him slowly come round to the idea of seeing this as not purely a physical manifestation of illness.\n\nI agree that it might be a somatoform disorder (rather than eg. psychosis), which would require medication + talking therapies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "78fom0", "comment_id": "dotwg3m"}, {"question": "Hit Rock Bottom This Past Weekend", "description": "Went to my fraternities party and drank way too much. All I can remember is filling up half a cup with vodka and the other half with mountain dew. Next thing I know I woke up in the morning on my friends couch with a trash can in front of me and cuts all over my body. He told me I reached up under a girls skirt, punched a guy in the face, tried to fight multiple people, and fell into some hedges. I remember NOTHING. That is not who I am in real life and the feeling was gut wrenching. \n\nThe fraternity has decided to suspend me since this is not the first time I have had such behavior. I've already been to the hospital twice for heavy drinking and blacked out 7-8 times THIS SEMESTER alone. Each blackout has resulted in inappropriate sexual advances, becoming physically aggressive, and sometimes getting into physical fights. \n\nI have a feeling it's because me and my girlfriend of 2.5 years split up in January. It wasn't a bad breakup, and I actually wanted to breakup because I was not feeling love for her anymore, but it is a weird life for me after giving my total self to someone for such a long period of time and then having her completely removed from my life. I'm currently looking for a therapist that can get me back to my normal state so I can go through life like a normal human being. \n\nI've decided to stop drinking and it has been 4 days. I hope I can keep it up and would appreciate any tips you guys have to resist the temptation. \n\nTLDR; Had terrible behavior over the weekend, I've decided to quit for good. ", "answer": "Bottom is where you stop digging. Getting sober young is hard, I did it at 17 with the help of AA. I suggest you find a program of recovery and get down to business.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "23pe61", "comment_id": "cgzc0j4"}, {"question": "How do I [24m] help console with with my potential GF (21f) who has clearly had quite a few bad past relationships?", "description": "So iv'e been having some difficulties with a dear friend of mine becoming distant due to some difficult past relationships. \n\n\nSome Backstory: We met in a university class about a year ago, went on a couple dates, but nothing ever really happened. We kept contact over the year, but it was very seldom and nothing would really come of it. A month or so ago, we started talking again and eventually started going out on dates a lot more often. Eventually things lead back to my place and we got some decent making out going on, but she declines the offer for sex. No big deal, maybe some other time. That night she sends me a message saying she wanted to wait because \"shes had a lot of bad guys recently\". I comfort her and we move on and she's happy i'm not pushing the subject matter. Its worth mentioning that we're not official at this point, and still aren't to this day. \n\n\nFast forward a week, and we've done a few more things together and she's been acting normal. Last night she sent me a text wanting to go grab some dinner. Okay no problem, so she picks me up and we head over there and she's a lot quieter than usual, along with like a sad / tired thing going on. After dinner, I offer to hang out some more but she declines and goes home anyway. \n\n\nA few hours later I sent her a funny story I found on here along with a \"thanks for inviting me to dinner\" kind of note. To which she replied, \"you don't have to talk to me now, goodnight\" just out of nowhere. At which point I said \"okay goodnight\" and went to sleep. I woke up this morning with one of those huge messages apologizing and explaining how she had a bad day yesterday, brought on by those bad past relationships. I responded to that message this morning accepting the apology and telling her if she wanted to talk about it I would be there for her. She has seen the message, but has not responded at this point.\n\n\nIt's worth mentioning that she's never brought this up this topic in person, and when we get anywhere near the topic or something similar, she gets super quiet, avoids eye contact, and is generally difficult to talk to when it comes to difficult conversations. \n\nReddit, what's going on, and what do I do here? ", "answer": "These things she's going through have nothing to do with you, and trust me, there's no joy in either of you dwelling on those things any more than you have to. \n\nSo, tell her \"let me know if there's anything I can do to be helpful\" and otherwise focus on having a nice time. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e8kbu", "comment_id": "di8e9wv"}, {"question": "Dating with a mental illness", "description": "I (18f) have always avoided romantic relationships due to my mental health. I've always kept people at arms length my whole life as I struggle to bond on an emotional level so cannot ask my friends for advice as they wouldn't understand. However a few months ago I screwed up and met this guy (21m) who I actually quite like. We see each other about 1 a week and chat most days but I'm not sure if he is actually interested. Although I feel my social skills are ample I really struggle with flirting and showing I'm interested and he has remarked several times in person and over text I'm not very affectionate even though I feel like I am. As well as this his previous girlfriend cheated on him and seems to have left some deep emotional scars.\nBasically I have several questions that I would like answering\n1) Should I ask him to be exclusive yet or should I wait longer and if I do ask him, do I tell him I have mental health issues. Also how the hell do you begin to explain something like that?\n2) This may sound very stupid but how do you show someone you're seeing that you are into them?\n3)Although my mental health is managed extensively would it be wise to enter into a romantic relationship? \n\nThank you for taking the time to read this post any advice would be very helpfully as I have no knowledge in any of these areas.", "answer": "it's always good to ask for what you want. most people wait too long. if the relationship looks like it's getting solid, it's ok to tell him about your health issues. the wisdom of entering into a rel. is something to discuss with your therapist, not a bunch of kids on redditt. (i'm not a kid--and i'm a therapist.) hope that helps.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5plv03", "comment_id": "dcs5quc"}, {"question": "Need some advice for my girlfriend about a prescription medication.", "description": "My girlfriend is 22, 5'9\", 105lbs and native American. She has anxiety. It can get pretty bad especially in social places like bars or pubs for example and especially when it comes to meeting new people.\n\nShe has been on Quetiapine for 17 years now. She uses it mainly as a sleep aid. She said it's supposed to help her anxiety a bit as well. Her family doctor moved and now the clinic keeps tabs on her refills. If she doesn't have her pill before bed she cannot sleep. She has become dependent on it. She tried to ween off of them but went through bad withdrawals. She doesn't suffer from depression, schizophrenia or bi polar disorders.\n\nThe advice I need is if there are any more medications out there that could help with her anxiety and sleep aid? Xanax being one I've looked into? How would one ween off of the pill without serious withdrawals? She has no family doctor and the hospital here has no more opening for patients under family doctors and when she goes to see a random one they say they can't help her because they aren't her doctor. Also what are the long term effects of being on quetiapine as long as her and more years to come. She has a 3 year old that loves her and a boyfriend that does as well. We need her around for as long as possible. She's open to the suggestion of trying different sleep aids but doesn't want to go through the withdrawals again.\n\nAny advice would be much appreciated, thanks for taking the tune to read. Posted on mobile btw so did the best I could. ", "answer": "Quetiapine is not a standard first-line sleeping pill or a standard first-line treatment for anxiety. There are many other medications for both problems. Weaning depends on what dose she's on; in general it's safe, though sometimes uncomfortable, to just stop suddenly, with one major side effect unsurprisingly being insomnia.\n\nLong-term effects aren't as well studied, especially at the very low doses typically used for sleep. Quetiapine has an association with weight gain, metabolic syndrome, and associated problems like diabetes and high cholesterol, but again, that's usually seen at higher doses.\n\nXanax is not a medication that I would recommend first for the problems your girlfriend has. It might be on the list, but it's close to the bottom, and I don't know if I'd put it before or after quetiapine. Xanax is much more physiologically and psychologically dependence-forming and has higher abuse potential.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9srtzo", "comment_id": "e8qzme5"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**The Good:** I have always been in such dread of the impending winter gloom that I have never fully appreciated autumn. This year, for some reason, I am loving it. Perhaps seeing the leaves turn so beautifully in the Adirondack Mountains has finally made me appreciate the loveliness of fall. \n\n**The Bad:** I\u2019m working so hard at various editorial projects that I haven\u2019t really had any time to relax. (When you\u2019re a freelancer, it\u2019s only ever feast or famine.)\n\n**The Funny:** [This is how I feel on some days.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d8m333/hopelessness/)", "answer": "The Good: I'm on Day 65 and feeling mighty proud of it. The weather here has finally dropped below the 100s. I've got an exercise class tonight that I'm looking forward to.\n\nThe Bad: I've had a pretty draining past couple of days. I'm hoping today is a bit more relaxed.\n\nThe Future: I am going to treat myself to something on Day 75! Not sure what yet, perhaps a new dress. :)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dc4fub", "comment_id": "f270z5r"}, {"question": "I [27M] need some advice about fiance [24F] wanting to go on a break/break up", "description": "Long story short, a couple weeks ago my fiance came out of the blue and decided that she wants to break up/take a break from our relationship due to little/no attraction and wanting to be alone. I have a previous post (url at bottom) that explains more in detail.\n\nShe has been suffering from depression and is most likely bipolar (she judt want to see a counselor). Part of me thinks that this is a big reason why she has little to no attraction for me. Here are my reasons why I think this.\n\nFirst off she would always compliment me, always says im handsome, cute, and warm, etc... Secondly she always wants to do everything with me wether it be going shopping with her or simple go to the store to grab something real quick. Thirdly, she has been talking about kids non stop for the past year, mind you we planned on having them after we are married this up coming fall.\n\nOf course I want to think that it is the depression that is causing this but I know a part of it is the truth. I mean we have been together over 7 years so some of the attraction is going to die. I even admit that I feel the same way.\n\nThe past couple days have gotten a little better. She asked me if I wanted anything from the store a couple days ago, we ate dinner together yesterday, we went grocery shopping today, had dinner together, and i made a small bon fire in the back yard for us to sit next to.\n\nHowever, she wont initiate conversation, her responses are small, and she just does things on her own like she used to tell me she was going to sleep and now she just goes to sleep. We havnt held each other, cuddled, kissed, even hugged in the past 2 weeks.\n\nI was pretty fucked up about it last week but I have gotten slightly better with handling it. I have been giving her the space she has asked for. Its been really rough on me.\n\nI finally txted her mom and told her what is going on and even her mother thinks that she is acting VERY strange, not like herself. I invited her over tomorrow so the two of them can talk. Normally she is pretty close with her mom but her mom keeps texting her to talk with her but she never responds.\n\nAt this point im not sure what else I can do. Shes living with me so no contact is very hard to deal with. Ive been doing the best I can with no contact. I just wish shit went back to normal :(\n\nAny advice on wtf I should do? I dont want to leave but obviously I cant control her decisions. I feel like the problem here is major depression but im not certain that its the only issue. Im not going to give up on her. I just hope she doesnt give up on me.\n\nAlso I would like to note that she still has the picture of us and our relationship status still set on facebook, which she is on all day long so im not sure what to make of that. She would have changed it by now if she was certain she wanted to.\n\nLink to my previous post:\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5tprwl/7_year_relationship_24f_fiance_thinks_she_wants/ddoiez2/?context=3\n\nEdit 1: Next day morning: She asked if I wanted to go to this boxing place with her so I am going with her (only because she asked me). i just dont understand. Is she coming around or is it just me?", "answer": "make sure she's getting help for depression.\nif you take a break, make sure to define the ground rules; i recommend not dating others, and having a plan about contact with each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uydvb", "comment_id": "ddxseev"}, {"question": "I would like a second opinion about Venlafaxine side effects", "description": "I started taking Venlafaxine last Tuesday. I'm currently taking 37.5MG and will be changing it to 75MG next week. A couple of days after starting, I noticed I had red blotches all over my knuckles, back of my hands and a huge one on my thigh. They weren't itchy and were gone in an hour. The next day I noticed that my knuckles were red again. Then yesterday, my leg was itchy. When I looked, I had huge red and warm blotches on my thighs again. Again, they were gone in an hour or two. \nI Googled it and every site said that rashes/hives are a severe reaction. Some even said to get emergency help if you notice them. I called the pharmacist this morning and he said to keep taking it, and if it gets worse in a few days then stop. He just seemed a little unsure so I would like to get a second opinion. What could happen if I am having a bad allergic reaction to it?\n\nEDIT: \nI have had other side effects. I had minor shakes the first two days, but I know those are normal and they seem to be mostly gone. I also had a major headache on Friday but I haven't had one since so I'm not sure if that was related to the medication.\n\nAge: 21 \nSex: F \nHeight: 5'0ft \nWeight: 102lbs \nRace: Caucasian \nDuration of complaint: Since Wednesday(ish) \nLocation: Back of hands, knuckles and thighs \nAny existing relevant medical issues: None \nCurrent medications: Venlafaxine and Marvelon \nPhoto: Unfortunately the blotches are gone so I can't take a photo, but if they come back I'll add one. ", "answer": "I'd probably persevere with venlafaxine (if I were taking it, that's what I would do). If it's worsening though with increased doses, then we might have a problem.\n\nYour call though - you're the patient!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "55iyeg", "comment_id": "d8b2il5"}, {"question": "Anxiety when I develop Romantic Feelings", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI wanted to make a thread and see if anyone else can relate to this.\n\nI've had pretty bad anxiety over the last few years. It's been a hard road, but I have had some wins over the past year. I was able to move out of my mom's house in November and get my old job back which I quit in a state of what can only be described as mega-anxiety (I actually liked the job, I was just overwhelmed by a manager, a busy time of year and the fact that I had really bad anxiety but was ignoring it and telling myself \"stop getting worked up, you're fine. this is nothing. Your life's not so hard.\")\n\nMy anxiety has become so much more manageable. In all except one regard.\n\nWhen I lived at home, I would go on dates, have some fun, but it would ultimately never go anywhere because I didn't really want to bring a girl back to my mom's house. I only got brought back to a girl's place once and nothing happened beyond making out.\n\nSo, one of the things that made me really excited about moving out was that I could go dating and bring girls to my place. Well, the thing about that is I've found out I get intense anxiety when I like someone in a romantic way. I start to worry about how long they are taking to reply, if they still like me, if they'll be okay with my lack of sexual experience etc. And logically I am able to say to myself, \"hey let's stay in the present and not worry about this stuff and try to have fun.\" But I can't talk myself out of it. I feel crazy because I am obsessing over someone and I'm not even trying to at all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI thought it was only because my ex gf was a recovering addict and once I found someone with less baggage the anxiety would go away, but nope. I'm currently seeing someone who is great, gets my mental health struggles and she was my friend first before I developed feelings for her. Today, I sent her a message around 11am, saw she looked at it and didn't reply. For the rest of the day I wondered if I had done something to upset her, regretted even messaging her at all and had my mind play doomsday scenarios where she would send me a crushing response like \"I don't care\" or some sort of essay about me being a jerk. \n\n\nNote: My general practitioner gave me Xanax in December when things got really hard for me and it helped my thoughts slow down and I felt like a normal person again. I'm going to my first Psychiatrist appointment at the end of the month. I'm hoping finding a good med can help my brain calm down about this stuff and help me to feel less off.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'd love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences. What were some things you did to make the anxiety go away? My therapist hasn't been as much help, beyond trying to support me and encourage me to go for it with this girl. I've already bailed on her once due to my worries about my anxiety and told her I couldn't talk to her for a while. I don't want to do that again. I want to be able to have romantic relationships and not freak out.", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel. I experienced the same thing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "bmcxc6", "comment_id": "emvmnnv"}, {"question": "I am SO proud of myself", "description": "I got my 3 assignment marks back from uni. All A's. My grandma took me out for lunch and got me a new bag. She was so proud of me too. My medication helped a lot. This is coming from someone who thought they'd never ever excel in anything. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnd for all of you guys, whether you're achieving or not, I'm proud of you too. Keep it up!", "answer": "I love your grandma. She gets it. The struggle. The guilt and shame. Give her a cuddle for me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmewt4", "comment_id": "emx15rj"}, {"question": "Bad Globus sensation. Should I see a doctor?", "description": "Ok, quick rundown. I am an 18 year old female with really bad anxiety. I've been having what I think is severe Globus sensation. It started after some incredibly bad dry mouth from meds I am taking for the anxiety. However, I am afraid that my throat might be closing up. Is it possible?", "answer": "Still alive?\n\nAs you probably know, it's your anxiety doing this. What dose of mirtazapine are you on at the moment? Ever tried to learn some CBT techniques for anxiety (www.llttf.com)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6rwn1n", "comment_id": "dl9vsm1"}, {"question": "Does metformin shut off androgen receptors throughout the body or just in prostate cancer cells?", "description": "Age: 37\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6\u2019\nWeight: 254lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: 24 hrs\nGeographical location: Northern Utah\nLocation: entire body (?)\nExisting medical conditions: Hypogonadism, ADHD, Insulin Resistance, Depression/anxiety\nCurrent Medications: \n Testosterone Cyp. 200mg injected 1xweek\n Metformin 850mg 1xday\n Klonopin 0.5mg as needed\n Dextroamphetamine 20mg 2xday \n Citalopram 20mg per day\n\nLast week my doc prescribed metformin and yesterday I was reading about it and came across some studies that indicate metformin represses or inhibits androgen receptor function in prostate cancer cells. \n\nHere\u2019s one: [source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265472933_SMILE_upregulated_by_metformin_inhibits_the_function_of_androgen_receptor_in_prostate_cancer_cells)\n\nNow here\u2019s my question:\n\nDoes metformin shut down all AR\u2019s so that the testosterone in my system is doing nothing? Or does metformin only target the AR\u2019s in the actual prostate cancer cells, leaving all the other AR\u2019s throughout the body open for business?\n\nI should that mention I don\u2019t have prostate cancer. ", "answer": "That's not a well-known property of metformin, and I would extrapolate from a basic science, in vitro study with caution. Epidemiologically, given the large number of people who take metformin without any apparent anti-androgen effects, it seems unlikely that metformin broadly directly affects androgen receptors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9r6vyy", "comment_id": "e8ep0ou"}, {"question": "Does anyone else avoid doctors, not because of fear of going, but because you think all of your symptoms are actually just anxiety-related?", "description": "My anxiety tends to center around my stomach. I have emetephobia in addition to a general anxiety disorder, so it's not unusual for me to have nausea or weird stomach cramps that are just anxiety.\n\nHowever, I've been INSANELY bloated for six months now, having a lot of pain in my lower stomach (nothing stabbing or throbbing, just achy pain, kinda similar to period cramps or how you'd feel after an intense ab workout), and am more nauseous/quick to heartburn than usual.\n\nThere are some other symptoms as well, and I finally made a doctor's appointment, but it just got me wondering... I've been avoiding this for six months because, well, it's probably just my anxiety, right? \n\nMy fiance ended up getting mad and made me make an appointment because he'd rather me be safe than sorry. And I agree with him. \n\nI was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? \n\nI know avoiding doctors because of anxiety is common, but I'm not scared of the doctor. I just don't want to waste anyone's time and tend to assume all of my symptoms can be tied back to my anxiety. \n\nAnyone else?\n\n**TL;DR - I don't avoid doctors due to fear of the doctor or office, I avoid them because I tend to assume everything wrong with me is due to anxiety. Anyone else do this?**", "answer": "You're freaking me out because I could have written this entire post (except the person getting upset with me for not going to the doctor is my boyfriend). Yeah, that's how I feel to a tee. I figure everything links back to my anxiety and I'll just be using up the doctor's time and my money to find nothing helpful, then I'll feel stupid.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "hl8jje", "comment_id": "fwyv4nz"}, {"question": "Pregnancy/blood work question", "description": "Female; 40 years old; caucasian, 5'2\"; 125 lbs; a few weeks, possibly pregnant; I'm currently seeing specialists for an undiagnosed medical condition that causes weakness and fatigue (although I don't think that is relevant for this question), Levora (birth control), no photo required\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHello! Thanks for having a look at my question here. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI don't know why, but I have this strange feeling that I'm pregnant. I'm on the pill, and had some bleeding at the end of my last pill pack, but started a new one to make it stop. My breasts are large and sore and my period hasn't stated yet, although since being on Levora it comes a little later than usual. Honestly, I thought until the last few days that the bigger boobs was due to some weight gain, and I haven't been eating that well, so that could totally be what's going on. I have taken three home pregnancy tests, all negative. From the last time I had sex, I would be about 10 weeks along. Wouldn't my HGC levels be high enough by now to come up on a home test? When I was pregnant with my son, I tested positive the day I was supposed to start my period. Don't know if the HGC levels vary by woman or by pregnancy. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nBefore I thought I could be pregnant , I saw and endocrinologist about some unrelated health issues and he ordered some blood work. I got the results yesterday and if I'm pregnant, I was when the blood was drawn. Not sure if all of these are applicable, but the female-related hormones he tested are: \n\n&#x200B;\n\nESTRADIOL: <15 pg/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 19-144; Mid-Cycle: 64-357; Luteal Phase: 56-214; Postmenopausal: < or = 31)\n\nFSH: <0.7 LmIU/mL (Reference Range: Follicular Phase: 2.5-10.2; Mid-cycle Peak: 3.1-17.7; Luteal Phase: 1.5- 9.1; Postmenopausal: 23.0-116.3)\n\nLH: 0.2 LmIU/mL (Follicular Phase: 1.9-12.5; Mid-Cycle Peak: 8.7-76.3; Luteal Phase: 0.5-16.9; Postmenopausal: 10.0-54.7 )\n\nPROLACTIN: 14.4 ng/mL (Reference Range: Non-pregnant: 3.0-30.0; Pregnant: 10.0-209.0; Postmenopausal: 2.0-20.0)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIs there any way to tell if I'm pregnant based on these values? My appointment with the endocrinologist isn't until next week. I thought I would reach out in the event that this bloodwork obviously answers my question, rather than waste the time of a lab and money of getting additional blood tests if they aren't necessary. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you! \n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "The chance of multiple false-negative pregnancy tests is minuscule. You're not pregnant.\n\nThe hormone tests are also not consistent with pregnancy. I'm neither an ob-gyn nor an endocrinologist, so I have no expertise, but low LH, with very low FSH and estradiol might suggest some kind of endocrine issue. Possibly hypothalamic? It's not something I know.\n\nThe pregnancy tests answer your original question, but I think you do want to see the endocrinologist to get clarification about the tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ans4kk", "comment_id": "efx67zi"}, {"question": "I am on the verge of a complete fucking breakdown someone help me", "description": "I don\u2019t even know where the hell to start. I started feeling depressed in November and I was like ok cool this happens all the time we\u2019ll get through this. So I fought it. It got a little better. Then it decided to sneak up on me and dump all this pain and fear and anxiety all at once. I\u2019ve been dealing with a painful ovarian cyst for three weeks,flu like symptoms that won\u2019t go away, so those are adding stress. Then comes the fucking holiday stress. I have NO money left. I\u2019m completely broke. And I still have my parents and one of my nieces to buy for. And on top of that, I feel guilty, because it\u2019s Christmas and I should be happy and I\u2019m not and I hate it! I\u2019ve been seeing things too, little shadow figures, some of them small to the ground like a cat, some tall like a person. I just see glimpses of them, running away, or darting around the corner, and I can feel them looking at me. My brain says they\u2019re demons. I know they\u2019re not real but fuck they\u2019re scary. And then I get these weird things at night, not like a panic attack, but it\u2019s like this crushing terror falls over me and I\u2019m to scared to move or open my eyes and I just have to lay there until it\u2019s gone. I keep telling myself I need to get through Christmas then I\u2019ll feel better, but that\u2019s not true, because on January 5th I turn 24. Happy birthday, right? NO! That day marks the end of a wasted year and the start of one that probably won\u2019t go anywhere. I\u2019m 24, unemployed, living off social services to pay for the meds that are supposed to keep me sane, and living in my parents basement. I\u2019m worthless. A worthless human being and I want to fucking die. ", "answer": "You are NOT worthless. You have been trudging through some difficult physical and emotional pain and that is badass, even if you feel still stuck in it. There will be more Christmases, its okay that this year you can't afford presents for everyone. They probably don't love you for your christmas gifts, they love you for you. \n\n24 can be a great year for you. 23 wasn't a wasted year. You're pain through the year is serving you a purpose which is teaching you to be able to overcome it, as crazy as that sounds. You are at a pause in your life, so living in your parent's place is where you need to be to take that pause and figure out whats next. There is nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want and need in your life. \n\nIt sounds like whatever medication you are on is not helping with all of your symptoms. It might be a good idea to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, ideally who can work together to help you work through this stuff. \n\nKeep your head up :) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7iugk", "comment_id": "ec3hcwy"}, {"question": "Patience", "description": "Has anyone who is early in recovery noticed a lack of patience and increased irritability? If so what did you do", "answer": "Yes, and still experiencing it now at almost 80 days in, but it's getting better slowly. I've been trying to just accept it. Accept the feelings. Wait for them to pass. They always do.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dhryus", "comment_id": "f3qam2k"}, {"question": "How to handle compliments?", "description": "I been overweight for almost my whole life 29 atm. And I been bullied and criticised for many things. Because of this I have a low self esteem. Lately I started working out and lost a lot of weight. And I get a lot of compliments especially in the gym. I usually say thanks But it's really hard for me to handle. I'm not obesse anymore but I am still fat, and so I mostly response like \"Thank you, but I still got a long way to go\" or something.", "answer": "That sounds fine to me and very humble. \n\n\nIf you're trying to build your confidence up a little, try just saying \"thanks\" without making a negative statement about yourself or saying thanks and giving yourself an acknowledgement instead like \n\n\n\"Thanks... I've been working really hard at it!\"\n\n\nIt may not seem like that huge of a difference but the way you talk about yourself is closely linked to how you think/feel about yourself. If you change one, the other will start to follow.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "alhc2o", "comment_id": "efe3ug2"}, {"question": "Wife having to eschew therapy to get on transplant list", "description": "Hi, all. This may seem like a bizarre title, but please bear with me. My wife and I are in our late 20s, for context.\n\nMy wife (hereinafter referred to as J) started dialysis about three years ago and has still yet to get on the kidney transplant list for a number of ostensible reasons. She last attempted to get on the transplant list in October, when she was told they were going to re-evaluate her again in six months (came and went because of COVID) for mental health, among a couple of other things.\n\nSome more background: J was somewhat recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder (her mom has it too) and has been through a number of medication changes in an attempt to help with it. J also has a very unfortunate baseline of feelings of guilt about a plethora of things to the point that it pervades her everyday functioning. I suspect BPD is at play here too based on this, but I'm not a medical doctor or therapist of any sort myself.\n\nAnyhow, the mental health issue seems to have conjured some contradicting incentives that have been very difficult to deal with. Namely, she's internalized that she should avoid talking about the more pressing aspects of her mental well-being to her therapist so that the transplant team doesn't know about them. The idea is that the less they know, the less ammunition they have to keep denying her a kidney. While I can certainly see where she's coming from here, it seems to me that this is a dangerous set of contradicting and perverse incentives foisted upon her. By withholding the more serious aspects that she could be getting help with through therapy, her mental health deteriorates further. Of course, having seemingly arbitrary roadblocks thrown up when she is an on-paper perfect candidate and a new kidney being a life-or-death situation have impacted her extremely poorly.\n\nIs there a way to resolve these incentives so she can get the mental health help she needs?\n\nOn my end, I'm having trouble finding the balance between making it clear that I'm listening to her and am taking what she says about her transplant worries seriously and validating the more toxic aspects it (for instance, I don't want to feed into her conviction that the doctors are actively trying to kill her and are just stringing her along, but want her to feel heard). Does anyone have any advice there?\n\nMy apologies for any vagueness here -- tried to go for brevity, but still mostly failed =) I'll be happy to answer any clarifying questions if needed.\n\nThanks for your help.", "answer": "I am wondering if the hospital or clinic where she receives kidney care may have a social worker who can help. It is very common for people with chronic health issues to also deal with related mental health concerns . As a result, hospital social workers are well versed in what is available and how to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqhhib", "comment_id": "frsqr3f"}, {"question": "I [23/f] have a huge list of concerns about my boyfriend [23/m]. Are these valid or am I being crazy or unreasonable?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This post is very long, I'm sorry, if you want to just pick out a couple of points to read and comment on then that'd still be really useful. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 and half years and have been living together for over a year. I have a long list of concerns but I'm finding it very hard to get a sense of what is reasonable. I can't tell if I'm being selfish and entitled and using him, if he's showing abuse flags or if there's nothing wrong and I'm thinking normal facets of a relationship are big problems and making myself miserable for no reason. I've lost all sense of proportion and any outside perspective would be very welcome. \n\n**Employment:**\n\n* He works full time and earns a very good salary, understandably he wants me to make the largest possible financial contribution to the household\n* I had a well paid job which I quit about a year ago as it was extremely stressful and long hours. My boyfriend encouraged me to quit.\n\n* I had another job which he encouraged me to quit from early on, pointing out the negatives and seeming unhappy when I'd been working that day. It wasn't a very good job but he had been very unhappy about me not bringing any money in so I took what I could get.\n \n* I left this for a better job on a temporary contract. This was a great job but he was negative from the start, found all the problems and never seemed happy about me getting it in the first place. Since this ended I have been unemployed for a few weeks.\n\nThis sounds like he wants me to not work and be his housewife. I would love this arrangement but he makes regular comments about how I don't contribute any money and this clearly makes him feel angry and used. However, he gets annoyed if I dedicate a lot of time to finding a job. He tells me to spend the day job hunting and not to worry about housework but then is angry that all the housework isn't done. \n\n**Housework:**\n\n* He tells others we split it 50/50 and that he thinks this is the right thing to do\n* I do the vast majority, including: cooking, cleaning, washing, most DIY, most washing up, dealing with the letting agent and arranging maintenance, clearing up all clutter and throwing away all rubbish (my boyfriend just leaves things where he used them and doesn't use the bin or put things away)\n* This arrangement was still the case when I worked full time and he didn't work at all\n* I also fetch him most of his drinks and do all pet care (for pets he decided to get)\n* He does take out the bins and rubbish, manage the finances (which I'm very grateful for) and do about a 3rd of the washing up. \n* He thinks all the housework takes 5mins as he's never done it and doesn't know how (just says 'that's your job'), he thinks I'm just reading reddit upstairs and pretending to do work. \n* If I need his help (e.g. for physical strength) he is very begrudging and thinks I'm trying to get out of a job\n* Won't take any responsibility e.g. acknowledged the door is unlocked, walks away and then is annoyed it's still unlocked when I assumed he'd done it when he noticed\n\n\n**Controlling behaviour:**\n\n* He can be controlling in an odd way. He doesn't do any of the typical stuff and has no problem with me going going out without him or talking to men.\n* He gives instructions and gets angry if they aren't done, I wouldn't mind but these are often not workable (e.g. not enough time, something that can't be done)\n* Gets angry if I wear something he doesn't like, will give me the silent treatment for not doing a hairstyle he likes and I don't\n* Makes a lot of comments about me being to skinny, I know it's my job to be attractive for him but I have a big hangup about how thin I am and I am working really hard to gain weight\n* I very rarely refuse sex as I know it's my responsibility to keep him satisfied and I do initiate sex regularly. However, when I do refuse on occasion (for good reason) he gets really angry and throws stuff and hits walls/furniture which scares me into submission. Sometimes, instead of making a normal sexual advance, he gets angry that I didn't know to initiate at that moment and will sulk until I give him a blow job. I tried asking if he could come on to me normally first but he doesn't. \n* Every day when he comes home from work I have to give a detailed account of how I spent my time, it's never good enough (even if I worked a full day and the house is tidy).\n \n**Money:**\n\nHe earns a good salary and contributes most of the household money. I am very grateful for this and often feel guilty and like I'm sponging off him. He will always earn more than me (very clever with programming skills), I expect to have a lot less disposable income than him and that he will always be in charge because of this. However, there are some problems. He always says we have no money and so he needs a lot of my earnings/gift money etc. towards household costs. This leaves me not enough to buy things like the makeup he complains if I don't wear or tickets for events he expects me to attend while he buys video games, nights out and is planing on buying a new computer, a weekend away with friends and a car. Obviously his disposable income should belong to him, but it would be nice to not have all my spending tracked and approved when it's for things he wants me to buy.\n\n\n**General attitude towards me:**\n\n* If he's angry he will take it out on me (e.g. bad day or low blood sugar), he has directly told me off about the weather being bad before and about shops not stocking things.\n* I asked why he never discussed politics with me, he said \u201cI feel like we should agree on everything but we don't\u201d. He's made it clear that I should have his views and is let down that I have a deep mistrust of the political system when he is a member of the Labour Party (UK)\n* He has never forgiven me for being sexually experienced when I met him; I would undo my past actions if I could. He was relieved when he found a box of mementoes from my ex in my parents house as he assumed my previous relationships were just me having casual sex, even though I explained otherwise when he used to regularly make me go through all my sexual experiences in detail.\n* If we go on a night out and I get harassed (he encourages skimpy outfits), he doesn't care at all and sometimes says I'm making it up. His friends often intervene and help without me asking so I don't think I'm being oversensitive but I could be wrong.\n* He will issue commands and expect me to take on all traditional 'women's work' but won't step up to many of the 'men's responsibilities' (DIY, protecting me, negotiating with taxi drivers, I doubt he'd ever man up and propose if he wanted to get married etc.) because that's sexist gender stereotyping. I'd love to be traditional wifey, and I'm happy to instead do the modern thing and split everything, but I feel like he's trying to take the best of both.\n\n**TL;DR I can't tell if I have reasonable concerns or am being entitled and selfish. I feel like he expects me work full time in a high paid job, do all housework and non-employment odd jobs and be happy, energetic and horny all the time. I feel like he wants me to do what I'm told but also take charge when he doesn't want to; give him most of my money but support myself. If I don't do what he wants he can get very angry and I feel like he expects perfection. It seems like he's trying to get the best out of a traditional, patriarchal relationship and a modern, feminist one and leave me with all the crap. However, he contributes most of the money and I'm worried I'm being unfair, selfish and expecting too much. I can no longer tell what is reasonable behaviour from either of us.** \n\nEDIT: lots of typos\n\nEDIT part 2: I have to go now as my boyfriend will be home soon. A big thank you everyone who took the time to give me advice. I will definitely be contributing more to this community in future as I can see the difference it can make. I needed this outside input and I think I know what I have to do now. Will check back when I can, maybe later tonight but probably tomorrow.", "answer": "No need to wait until you get a job to leave. Just leave. Like now. Go. None of the behaviors you listed are okay, at all. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2f93hr", "comment_id": "ck7heet"}, {"question": "If you go to the ER and get blood drawn, will doctors tell you if you have HIV?", "description": "Male, 20, 5'7, 156 Ibs, \n\nJust scared of having HIV, that's all.", "answer": "HIV is a specific test. Many ERs will offer you that test regardless of why you're having blood drawn, but you always have the right to decline it.\n\nIf you're scared of having HIV, it's better to know and get it treated than have it advance and die of AIDS, right?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s8e3a", "comment_id": "e0xazd6"}, {"question": "Why the fuck do i crave negativity???", "description": "It only makes me more depressed. I'm really unstable and I really shouldn't read sensationalist negative news. 99% it's war, poverty, politicians fucking us over and sometimes just straight bullshit (buy this stock pplz yolo!!!). But still every morning I wake up to get my negativity fix :( Sad face is negative too. I wish I could quit my addiction to this shit and live an ignorant life, unaware of the problems of the world. ", "answer": "Make good news more reinforcing to you thank bad news. You like bad news because it is familiar territory. Good news is foreign like eating with chopsticks for the first time you think, fuck it I'm going back to the fork. But once you learn to eat with chopsticks it can even be fun. Find some good news, read it or watch it, then go do something to reinforce the behavior. Such as forcing a smile on your face. If you force a smile on your face and keep it for a few seconds your brain actually recognizes the facial expression and released chemicals that or exerted with happiness. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3jh9w1", "comment_id": "cuplm18"}, {"question": "How to best say \"no\" in my current situation?:", "description": "One of my best friends arranged a charity (or rather a first attempt of it), we pooled money, bought cheap clothes on discount in order to resell them for higher to triple the amount of profit compared to our spending. Our first day of collecting clothes went great! I shared it on snapchat/facebook etc. and celebrated it.\n\nHowever, one classmate of mine, let's call him \"Bob\" suddenly messages me saying he wants to join the charity. Nothing is wrong with the request, it's just that the charity was only inbetween my friends, so it's kind of private. My classmate \"Bob\", I don't really hate him, but I don't like him either, he usually just \"hitches on\" to me. My best friend is one of the well-known \"popular\" kids at school, and I think that sometimes he gets jealous of me. Before, he used me as a 'stepping stone', I'm kind of the weird and naive kid in class so I wasn't surprised. I was just irritated that he did all that to leverage himself so that he could be friends with my friends. I'm a really private person, and I try to seperate each of the groups of people I'm in, since I love making friends with everyone. I'm a bit defensive about my friends too.\n\nOne experience, which was very telling of this behavior was when a year back, when I was attending educational summer enrichment programs with him, I was bullied I guess. I'm not a person who expresses anger easily and someone who isn't used to saying \"no\" like I mean it, in fear of people hating me. He \"hitched on\" to this guy, let's call \"Bobtwo\", which Bobtwo often made fun and teased me to feel all cool, he continued doing it because I showed no anger nor rejection, I simply kept quiet about it (I did say \"no\", and \"stop it\" in a calm manner a lot of times but they didn't stop). And, all Bob did was join in with him, Bob was my classmate for a year and he joined in on teasing me because, from my perspective, he simply wanted to feel included or more superior in the current social hierarchy that was created that day.\n\nSorry for elaborating so much hehe, I wanted to vent some of my backstory with him so that people could give me better advice for this.\n\nMy best friend doesn't hate him, but he doesn't have any good thing to say about him, only a few bad things. Don't misunderstand, I don't want to isolate him nor ignore him or stuff like that. It's just that I don't want him to join. I don't think he wants to join for the sake of charity but just because he wants to 'feel included' again and 'cool/popular'. At least, from my analysis, that's the kind of person I think he is. He's usually a negative nancy most of the time. He takes everything way too seriously, kinda lacks a sense of humor, and all he talks about is all this complicated stuff, as if trying to feel superior that he reads lots of books. I don't think he would fit in with my group of friends that runs a charity. It would probably not end well\n\nSo, as the title suggested, what is the best way to say \"no\" in this situation without hurting his feelings because he'll probably be pissed or something and try to ruin me through social media by spreading rumours and gossips all because I said \"no\". \n\nI guess what I'm really trying to say is, what is the best way to say \"no\" without actually saying \"no\" and simply denying his interest in joining? \n\nI don't know if that's possible, please give me advice.\n\nTL;DR: Guy I don't really like wants to join a charity my best friend along with some other friends made for ourselves. I don't think he'd fit in with us, and simply be bad since my other friends don't like him because he is kind of an ass. I'm afraid to say \"no\" because he'll probably try to embarrass me again. How to best say \"no\" without saying \"no\"?\n\nEDIT: A detail", "answer": "Like creative said, best course of action is to be straight forward. You don't have to give any explanation other than \n\n\n\"Thanks but we're good right now. We don't need any extra help but if we ever do, I'll let you know.\" \n\n\nSometimes you can't avoid hurting people's feelings. It's a fact of life. I imagine no matter what you say to him short of allowing him to join in, he's going to be pissed. You just have to weigh the consequences, what is going to be more of a pain in the ass for you, to have to deal with him joining or to have to deal with him being pissed? ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8jmcc5", "comment_id": "dz0uycu"}, {"question": "I feel too nerdy at times and i'm not sure if I should look into more hobbies or not", "description": "I'm not sure if this belongs here but i'm honestly not sure where to ask this.\n\nAnyway, as the title says, i'm a nerdy guy. I play boardgames, videogames, i read books, and thats most of who i am espeically hobbys wise.\n\nIssue is, i'm worried that's \"all\" I am. I'm fine being a nerd, I enjoy the culture (the positives, not the toxicity shit) but i'm not sure if I should branch out into more \"general\" hobbies (things i'd like of course, i'm not gonna say watch X tv show just because other people like it) to be more relatable or not.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being eclectic. You don't have to love everything as much as you love your core interests, but it's extremely helpful socially to at least have a base knowledge of and be able to enjoy many different things. \n\n\nI had a guitar teacher once tell me when I was really young that when it comes to music it's ridiculous to say you don't like an entire genre. If you look hard enough, you can find some aspect that you really appreciate. Life is better when you focus on the small things you can take joy in rather than discounting things. I try to apply this to as much as I can in my life and encourage others to do the same. \n\n\nExample, you might not love sports, but if you can understand it just enough, you might appreciate watching it and the camaraderie that goes along with it. \n\n\nYou might not love cooking and foodie stuff, but you might learn to appreciate the skill and competitiveness when it comes to cookie shows and competitions. \n\n\nFind a way to take joy in as many things as you can, while holding your core interests close. It'll give you a basis to relate to many more people and open up social opportunities in a completely genuine way. All friendships start based off of shared interest. You don't have to be an expert fanboy to say you're into this or that. Just a base knowledge and general curiosity. \n\n\nP.S. I'm also a huge NERD for plenty of things including board games. Board games and DnD are gaining popularity so fast that soon it won't be too hard to find a good group of friends with these interests. What are you playing right now? I'm an avid and regular DnD player. We also love Codenames, Secret Hitler, Lords of Waterdeep, and Anomia. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8pmtgm", "comment_id": "e0cgjye"}, {"question": "Sponsor and Lord's Prayer plus bonus question, what is the the definition of The Fellowship to you?", "description": "I'm only 35 days clean, so a newbie... I had a \"high bottom\" if you will - started recovery before things got really bad because I saw the writing on the wall. A couple questions...\n\nMy sponsor and I started working together and she is literally reading the big book to me aloud, line by line, having me highlight and make margin notes exactly where her sponsor had her do it. We have gotten through the forwards in the 4th edition :-/\n\nIs this typical of sponsorship? I know a sponsor typically takes sponsees through the steps as they were but this method doesn't feel very useful. Have any of you had a sponsor do it in a different way?\n\nBigger question, we open our sessions with a prayer. The opening prayer is one that isn't related to a specific religion (I think it's made up) and I am comfortable reciting this prayer. We close with the Lord's Prayer. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I plan to discuss this with her but can I get some feedback on this? I am bothered because it's from a religious text and I have some trauma from a previous Christian experience. AA is not supposed to be religious so I am not sure why I should be asked to recite it.\n\nFinally, what does The Fellowship mean to you? My sponsor said it's the group of members and the sober activities done outside of meetings. Really? \n\nShe only has a year of sobriety and is still working on step 9 with her sponsor. Maybe I should find a new sponsor?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I worked with a sponsor in a different 12 step fellowship where I read the step alone, answered questions in a workbook, then talked with her to review my answers and ask any questions I had about anything I read. Later i worked the steps again, this time in AA and with a different sponsor, in the way you are doing - reading the big book out loud together and stopping to discuss and take notes exactly as her sponsor had done with her. After doing both I found the second method to be far superior in terms of helping me really \"get\" the big book. It's an older text from a different time and I would have missed a lot just reading on my own. \n\nI don't say the Lord's prayer, and I don't think anyone should have to if they don't want to. I disagree with the meetings that use it but I recognize their freedom to choose that if they wish.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "7y3h5a", "comment_id": "dude01t"}, {"question": "Please settle this for me! What test for insulin resistance?", "description": "Basically, the title. I'm trying to get pregnant, and wondering if I should be on metformin. My RE tested my fasting insulin and said it's really good (I believe she said they look for it to be under a 10, and it's a 4), so that Met wouldn't do me any good. But I can tell I have hypoglycemia issues, and I also know I've seen people on here say that test isn't sufficient. So what test(s) should I insist on? Thanks ", "answer": "Hmm. Fasting insulin usually is the go-to test to diagnose insulin resistance. You could ask for the 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test, but that's a pain and not all centers will even do it (I think). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3ly4vr", "comment_id": "cvasvl7"}, {"question": "Should I [26/m] trust her [24/f] again and accept what happened, and how?", "description": "Ok, so.. my story is a mess. I'd been friends with benefits with a coworker for over a year, but then she stopped it in December (she actually never told me anything, just started to give excuses to not go out with me). I've always liked her so much but after some months I realized I loved her and asked her if she was ever going to be with me again and long story short, she said she always liked me a lot but she thought I didn\u2019t (I did a good job trying not to make us not get attached, but looks like I failed), then started seeing another guy from work who liked her, started liking him too, and short after they started \"dating\", he moved to USA (we live in Brazil), then they made plans to spend her vacation together in NYC (that's happening right now).\n\nWell, I tried everything to win her back before I knew about her trip, but when she told me everything I'd just tried to accept it because everything was paid already. But then, last week, 4 days before her flight, we went out again, and we spent those 4 days together. It was perfect and we loved it. She also told me she loved me. The day before the flight she told me she was still going to NYC, but after what happened she wouldn't do anything with him, she talked to him and he agreed it would be only a friendly relationship. But of course that didn't happen.\n\nThe day after she arrived, she told me they had sex (apparently there were friends telling her she should do it) and it was not good and she realized for good I am the one for her and that she told him that and she won't do it anymore. I believe her. But now I've got to put up with them being together as friends for another 20 days, knowing there can be a new spark at any moment.\n\nI've been trying to accept what happened, I really love her, and I believe she loves me too, and I want to have what we had in those 4 days, but it's been so hard for me to accept what she did. I know I screwed up from the beginning because I let her believe I didn't care for her and she found another. And we don't have any compromise, but after what happened last week I was misled and thought it was implicit. Now she's broken my trust. I want it to work out when she's back but I just don't know how to accept it because I'm so hurt. I'm even considering having sex with an escort just to see if somehow it makes me see sex as something more natural (and also because I'm angry and sad) and get over what they did, but I know I would regret it and feel miserable afterwards.\n\nAny advice on how to get over it? Each minute she's there fills me with pain and doubts. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ga10q", "comment_id": "dionmof"}, {"question": "Does my beard pattern indicate Kleinfelter Syndrom?", "description": "Hi. I am 27, white, and have some symptoms consistent with Kleinfelter. I read somewhere that I cannot remember that Kleinfelter makes beard around month and thin less feasable. Well I let my beard grow and it looks very beardless in those places. I am from Boise. Height is 6 feet 1. Weight like 160 lbs.\n\u200bhttps://imgur.com/a/0YDOpJw", "answer": "Klinefelter syndrome can range from completely without symptoms to significant. Lower height would be one of the most common; being 6'1\" doesn't absolutely rule out Klinefelter, but it's unlikely.\n\nIf you want a definitive answer, a karyotype (counting chromosomes) is straightforward and will give you that answer. I suspect that you do not have Klinefelter syndrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f8ts18", "comment_id": "finu266"}, {"question": "I have no identity.", "description": "When you read that, you might be thinking that I \u201cdon\u2019t know who I am\u201d or that I need to \u201cfind myself\u201d or something along those lines. All of that pop psychology stuff.\n\nNo. What I mean when I say that I don\u2019t feel like I truly exist in this dimension. I don\u2019t feel....real. I look at myself in the mirror and I can\u2019t say with certainty that that is who I am. I look at my body and understand that this is the body I\u2019m occupying, this is \u201cme\u201d, but I don\u2019t really identify with my physical form. \n\nIf someone asked me to describe who I am, the closest thing I could say would be that I\u2019m my mind. My thoughts. My stream of consciousness. My mind is neither male nor female. It\u2019s some of both. Or possibly none at all. \n\nI guess I live in my mind. And sometimes I get so caught up in my thoughts that it\u2019s hard to focus on the here and now. \n\nWhen I finally realized all of this, it started to make sense why I often feel alienated from people. Why I generally don\u2019t bond with most people I meet. That no matter how much they like me, they don\u2019t ever really *know* me.\n\nThey like what they see me as. How they perceive me. Who I am to them is my physical form and what comes out of my mouth. \n\nI used to wish I knew \u201cwho I was\u201d. I used to want to emulate certain people and be them. I used to want to play the human game and have a very defined and appealing \u201crole\u201d in life.\n\nBut as I get older, I\u2019d just as soon let go of being human altogether. It\u2019s too stressful to constantly make sure you\u2019re an acceptable human and that people approve of you. \n\nIf I could somehow escape into my mind and shed this physical world, I think I probably would.", "answer": "Your descriptions sound a bit like depersonalization-derealization. I have had some episodes of DP-DR and it is quite a strange experience. Does the description of that (if you Google it) resonate? Or is what you're talking about something more conceptual or intellectual than experiential?", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "hht3gr", "comment_id": "fwc8tlz"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has crush and a dream", "description": "So me and my girlfriend both 18 have been dating for almost a year. We both started college at different schools. She had recently lost her sex drive completely. She then texted me saying she had a dream that she had cheated on me twice. I know it was just a dream but it still hurt to hear. She told me that she didn't do anything with the first guy just flirted, but didn't say anything about the second guy. \n\nLater she tells me that she loves me and will always love me, but that she has a crush. She says that she feels really guilty for it and wants to stay with me. I learned that the first guy in the dream was this crush. \n\nI'm not sure what you say, do, think, or anything to that matter. I feel like I want to just ignore it and have this just disappear, but it can't. Can someone give me advice on this. ", "answer": "It's simply hard to sustain love from teens to forever. Most people need a period of exploration before they settle down. Not what you wanted to hear, but a reality nonetheless. Make sure you always talk about your status as a couple so you know where things stand..... crushes can be idol fantasies that evaporate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xhrsh", "comment_id": "dmg0o3e"}, {"question": "He cheated and I still love him. Help.", "description": "*language warning sorry*\n\nGoing to try make this simple. I found out about 3 weeks ago my boyfriend (of a year, whom I live with) cheated on me because I am \"not as sexually active as he needs\" but the problem now is I am so hurt that all I can think of even when he just kisses me is him sleeping with that girl. He wants me to do more with him but I'm too hurt to even think about it. How am I supposed to go back to normal shit like sex when he cheated on me? I have also just become so fucking paranoid, I have lost a lot of trust in him because of this but I still can't decide if it's better for us to be together or break up. It seems better for him to just break up with me because I've become so angry and just overall mentally unwell and it seemed so easy for him to cheat on me in the first place so what's stopping him from doing it again? I want to give a second chance but this has already happened to me before in a previous relationship (he cheats, I forgive, he cheats again) and I don't know if I can break my own heart again. I feel like it's inevitable and we're going to part anyway but I just can't seem to do it. I really fucking care about him and love him deeply but I just don't want to get hurt again by him. He is my best friend but also my boyfriend so if I leave him I loose both and I don't know what I would do without him. He really took care of me when we first met, he really seemed to give a fuck about little nothing me, my bad eating habits, me getting sleep, my safety, and me genuinely being happy, he really cared. He says he loves me but he said that before, now it seems to have lost some of its meaning. I just didn't understand how he still loves me if it's so easy to sleep with someone else? I don't understand how you cheat and still care? \n\nPlease respond to this as if it was happening to you, I don't really have a support group and I've never posted a thing here so I appreciate the honesty.", "answer": "he's immature and not ready for what you need. staying with him is like pouring salt in a wound. leaving him would involve a short period of intense grief, but if you maintain no contact, you'll heal and move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lp9ff", "comment_id": "dbxewut"}, {"question": "Is it safe to take my ADHD medication after I ruptured my kidney?", "description": "Age: 21\nMale\nHeight: 6'4\"\nWeight: 165 lbs\nCurrent Medication: Norco 5/325, Ritalin\n\nHello, hope all is well, about three weeks ago, I fell off my bicycle and ruptured my kidney and fractured my pinkie on my right arm. I am a lot better know and have been prescribed Norco to help ease the pain, but I try to take it as least as possible. I'm not having sharp pains in my kidney like I was in the first week of my recovery.\n\nI was wondering if it would be safe to take Ritalin? Will it interact with my kidney? I will not be combining the NDRI with the Norco. Thanks in advance.", "answer": "What do you mean by [\"ruptured kidney\"](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/acute-kidney-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx) - did you suffer a change in renal function and has it been checked since you recovered?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "558ye4", "comment_id": "d88l5ej"}, {"question": "Ashamed to get a diagnosis for what I know is OCD. But maybe someone can help verify my symptoms.", "description": "I am 28 year old Caucasian male. Do I seem to have OCD? When I was young I would wash my hands until they bleed. I seem to be over that symptom now. But I am still plagued with other symptoms. It takes me forever to leave my home. I check all of my faucets, lights and locks again and again. The fridge doors I must check to make sure they are closed by tapping the doors a couple times. When I drive my car I am afraid I hit someone or something even thought it is insane to do, I even sometimes go back to drive the same route to make sure I did not. Everyone seems to think I am crazy because when I enter the building I must check a couple times that the door is securely shut. I feel embarrassed to see a doctor about these symptoms. Do I possibly have OCD?", "answer": "I don't doubt that this seems embarrassing to you, but this sounds very likely like standard OCD to a psychiatrist. It's very treatable, which hopefully will help you not feel embarrassed in interactions with people who aren't your doctor!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8kdqz", "comment_id": "esnmwek"}, {"question": "Please help me.", "description": "I just want to feel good again. My husband left me and I used food to feel good. I was only 130 when he left but I went up to 240. I felt like people treated me like I was less of a person. I was tired of being treated bad by everyone. I just wanted to love myself again.\n\nSo, I started lowering my calories to 1500 a day. Then 1200. Then 1000. And my weightloss wasn't fast enough so I'm at 800 now. I loved hearing people complement my loss. Everyone kept telling me how great I was looking. I finally am feeling better. \n\nI am at 155 now. I eat a 95 calorie breakfast. Egg whites, spinach and tomato. I eat spinach, fish and kale for lunch shortly before I workout, about 210. Then carrots, raspberries, tofu, asparagus but mainly salads.\n\nBut now I can't stop. I am terrified of gaining anything back. I was restricting with the assumption that I was just doing this until I lost some weight. I noticed what I was doing was bad so I told a friend, but she said I was too fat to have an ed. This was the same friend who told me when was raped it didn't count because I thought the guy was cute. I was drugged but whatever. Why is she my friend still? Because I don't want to be alone.\n\nI dunno what I'm even here for.", "answer": "Hey there. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain right now. I'm glad you know that it isn't right for someone to talk to you that way. That person isn't your friend.\n\nNo one here can diagnose you with an eating disorder. But your post does hint that your eating behavior is very disordered.\n\nI really think you would benefit from speaking and working with a professional: someone who has worked with people who struggle with all of the things that you struggle with right now. Someone who will be able to help you work through the pain you're feeling. Have you considered that?\n\nEven if you haven't, or aren't ready for that yet, I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. And you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your body.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "26jgvd", "comment_id": "chrlxyl"}, {"question": "You can't get sober with an alcoholic partner", "description": "45 days.\nThat's how long I stayed sober the last time I quit drinking in June. I managed 45 beautiful days. It's funny because as time progressed my desire to drink was less and less.\n\nMy partner on the other hand, was a drunk. I tried to get him to quit with me, and he lasted about 4 days before I caught him sneaking drinks behind my back. His alcoholism is much more far gone than mine, because he couldn't hold down a job nor could he keep up with his bills.\n\nSomewhere during my 45th day of sobriety, I was craving a glass of red wine like it was something I needed more than life itself. When this had happened in the past, I would check in here, or talk to friends, go for a really nice slice of cheesecake, whatever. \n\nMy ex however, encouraged it. He said I had been \"sober long enough\" and deserved the drink. I honestly in that moment, couldn't see the harm... so I had a glass of wine, and another, and another, and I watched him continue to fill my glass in excitement and order more wine.\n\nAfter that, it was game over. He was SO excited I was drinking again. Alcohol was back in the house, drinks were flowing... and I was right back where I was.\n\nI didn't want to be there. I was angry. I was sad. I felt depressed. I remember hating my boyfriend because he was a mean drunk, and getting drunk together meant sometimes it would end in violence for me. I remember being sober and how much I couldn't stand him, and wanted to be rid of him.\n\nFinally in November I found the courage to leave him and am on my own as of Dec 1st. During our time, I paid for everything. Including his alcohol problem which didn't help. He would order shots for us at the bar, and then expect me to pay. My financial situation was the worst it had ever been. \n\nI spent December drinking over the holidays, and being a disaster. January rolled around and I kept drinking. I was depressed, and sad. However one morning I woke up and realized this wasn't the life I wanted anymore. I was free of my ex and I could finally be sober.\n\nJan 26th was the last day I drank. The first 10 days were hard, but since then, I haven't wanted to drink.\n\nI've learned I am still a lazy piece of shit who enjoys bingewatching television shows and sleeping until noon... but I can do that sober. And I could never have done this if I was still with my ex.\n\nYou can't get sober if you have a partner who continues to deny you sobriety. I see a lot of people in here who are faced with those challenges... and I hope you can find a way to get sober together, but in my experience it will only end with drinking continuing again as it did many times in my relationship.\n\nI will not drink with you today.\n\nThanks for listening. ", "answer": "It\u2019s nice that some folks here were able to do it while their partner continued to drink, but my experience was like yours, minus the intentional encouragement; we just enabled each other. \n\nI knew I couldn\u2019t get sober if he didn\u2019t. Both of us like to think the other had the bigger problem, but that\u2019s irrelevant. I had to leave him in order to get sober, and even then it took me six months to quit. He never did. \n\nI like to say I separated from my husband because he was an alcoholic\u2014but I divorced him because I was. \n\nHardest, most painful decision I ever had to make; harder still to follow through on. But no regrets. \n\nGood luck to you on your sober journey. IWDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7ylp6m", "comment_id": "duiq70a"}, {"question": "Most Annoying Roommate, Ever.", "description": "I am tired. So fucking tired of this roommate of mine. She has lived with me for 2 months and it has been a living hell the entire time. I hate to even be awake when she's awake. I need to make a list of all the things I dislike about her in hopes that it will help me feel a bit better. Here we go. \n\n* Odd sleeping schedule. She will stay up until like 7AM and then get up at like freakin 5PM. She works from home (if you call it work she makes like 10 dollars a day) so she can work whenever but the fact that my lights are on 24/7 because of her weird ass sleep schedule annoys me. Which leads to my next complaint. \n\n* She is driving all my bills up. I took on a roommate so I could save money for a new car. This chick takes 45 minute showers, leaves lights and her pc on 24/7. She is wasteful when it comes to food as well but she has food stamps so that's her problem I guess. But anyone who will open a thing of lunch meat and then sniff it the next day to make sure it's still good is really fucking stupid. You JUST opened it. Doesn't matter though because she'll throw it away after it's been open for just 24 hours. Ridiculous. \n\n* She's really dumb. Like not intelligent at all. She's 30 years old and doesn't know how to do basic things like open a bank account, use the washer/dryer, use the oven, cook a hamburger. Things that are really common sense. She's just not book smart as well. Her vocabulary is very limited. However...\n* She talks ALL THE TIME. She comments on the smallest thing my cats do, what's going on outside. She can't just tell a story she has to drag it out for like 5 minutes. Everything is funny to her. I can't have a conversation with anyone else in my house without her butting in. I'm NOT talking to you! Why are you putting in your two cents?!\n* She's lazy. The only thing she will do is dishes when I write on the board that it's her turn. She will not wipe down a kitchen counter, clean the bathroom (her hair is all over my bathroom sink right now and the bathroom trash is running over with her 200 pads/panty liners). It's like she's not going to do anything until I tell her to. I'm not her mother so this thought pisses me off so badly.\n\n* She thinks it's okay to just not have rent on time. She has the money to pay her part of rent right now but she thinks she should have a few more days to make more money so she doesn't have to spend what she has now. Tomorrow will not be pleasant for her because I'm going to demand she give me all the money she owes or she's out the door. She will sit at her computer on Facebook or tumblr all day but she won't make her goals with her job. \n\n* She has no goals for the future. She just mooches off me and the government. She lived with her parents until the age of 30 and is just content with her food stamps, no driver license and 10 dollar a day job. When I kick her out (which will happen in the next few months I'm sure) she'll go right back to living with her parents and doing nothing all day long.\n\n* She sits at her desk and stares at me. I feel like when I'm in the same room with her she has a damn staring problem. It's creepy though there are more pressing issues than that. It's just annoying.\n\n* Back to the food. She will use my food without asking. She went through 3 gallons of milk by herself in less than a month. That is insane to me. I don't get food stamps so that is coming out of my pocket. \n\n* She goes through a 24 pack of toilet paper in a week. I have stopped sharing it with her because of this. She currently has half a roll that I so graciously let her have until she gets more. \n\n* She NEVER leaves the house. She is either sleeping or sitting in front of her computer. Never even goes out on the porch or anything. \n\nSigh. I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't stand but that's all I can think of right now that stands out.", "answer": "Is she... sick or something? Sounds too weird to be true.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "221pws", "comment_id": "cgir168"}, {"question": "I've heard of getting a second doctor's opinion. What's the probability that if the 1st opinion is incorrect, the 2nd would be? Should I get a third?", "description": "General question thinking about those who want another opinion because they feel the first is incorrect or want the most treatment options available.\n\nWhat is the optimal number of doctor opinions to get in order to minimize the chances of misdiagnosis and maximize the number of treatment options?\n\n*This is a general statistical question; however, I am an Asian in my 30's with 100+ food allergies confirmed by two allergists and always wondered what the probability was both were incorrect or that I was missing a potential treatment by not seeing a third doctor. Currently, simply taking omeprazole, ondansetron as needed, and avoiding many foods was the option given to me.*", "answer": "It's a copout, but the optimal number of opinions is an \"it depends.\" It depends on how difficult the diagnosis is to make and how much uncertainty there is. That's an important question to ask. It's reasonable if you're dubious to get a second opinion; if someone else doesn't think the diagnosis/treatment is a slam-dunk but the first one was, even if they agree, then there's at least more margin for uncertainty.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88w8th", "comment_id": "dwnufxt"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [30/m] is newly obsessed with polyamory and seems to want to have open relationship. I [28/f] don't. What do I do?", "description": "My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together a little over a year, and just recently we have taken the step of moving in together (almost 1 month ago). Our relationship is really good, very few arguments and good sex, so all in all we've both been really happy. \n\n\nI took him away a few weeks ago for his birthday for a cool and slightly romantic weekend away, and he chose a moment in bed to ask whether I would ever consider a threesome or an open relationship (etc.), to which I had a few joke responses, but I soon realised he was serious and told him that actually it would be a deal-breaker for me. We had a bit of an argument about it, with me being pitted against him as being narrow minded/ him being hurtful asking me on a romantic evening, and when I asked him outright if he wanted an open relationship he said no. In the morning I thought the subject had been dropped and I put it down to him just wanting to fight or being a bit tactless. \n\n\nHowever, since then he's been mentioning open relationships a few times since and commenting about how monogamy is a social construct, and he's watching a TV series and reading a book where the central theme is polyamory, and it's making me really worry that he's polyamorous and now wants to explore that. \n\n\nIt seems really unlikely because he's slightly jealous as a person (as am I!) and often reacts negatively to news of friends being cheated on/cheating on their other halves or people flirting when they have a partner... however a lot of his friends are in their very early twenties, and a girl he used to really fancy is in an open relationship, so I wonder if that's been an influence? Additionally he's at a bit of a loose end at the moment, he has no real career direction and is unhappy with his restaurant waiting job, so I am wondering if it's some strange upshot of that? \n\n\nI am not narrow minded about polyamory but I know that I would not want that at all - no matter who I was with. I want children and a tight family unit, and I am completely unwilling to share any element of that with other people - sexual or otherwise, but there seems very little support for people leaving a relationship because of that. Everything online is about \"adapting\" and putting up with it, there's very little saying \"it's ok not to want that and to leave because of that\". \n\n\nI know who I am just as much as he knows himself, and I'm not against trying it because I don't love him enough - I just know it would really hurt me and I can't put myself through that. \n\n\nI just have no idea what to do. I worry that if I say to him \"we need to break up if this is what you really want because it's not something I want\" then he'll just lie to me and himself to keep me, and it'll all fail in the end anyway. He seems obsessed with the topic now. Help! \n\n\n\nTLDR; unsure if boyfriend's new obsession with polyamory is sincere or a reaction to current life situation, it's a deal breaker for me if it's sincere, unsure of next step. ", "answer": "the rel. will end if you're not on the same page. polyamory rarely works. you have to have ZERO jealousy potential which few people have. don't let him pressure you. go with your gut.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tt2xz", "comment_id": "dlnd1zk"}, {"question": "How can I be providing therapy when I'm a mess myself?", "description": "My company has started doing telehealth with our families and clients since our early intervention clinic is closed due to Covid. All of my sessions are done on the bed or bedroom floor because of HIPPA, and the fact that my husband is also working from home. We're in a 1 bedroom apartment. Even parks and trails are chained up and locked, so there's very few options for a safe change of scenery. I feel guilty saying I can't take any more clients ( I have 4 clients and will soon have 6) because I'm the only clinician without kids or family to take care of, and we're being paid our full salary ( at least for this month). I'm having a harder and harder time holding myself together. I can't sleep, I'm crying on and off all the time, and I'm becoming anxious about everything. I don't know how to say no, or even if I can, and I just want to unplug everything and make these responsibilities go away. But I can't - because my clients and their families are hurting even more. I don't know how long I can maintain this.", "answer": "I\u2019m in a similar situation in some ways. I\u2019ve also been limiting taking new clients even though I do have some time in my schedule. I think that\u2019s fair. If your burnout is high you need to protect your energy for the clients you already have. \n\nI am also seeing patients from a very small apartment and it makes it really hard to have boundaries around my work. I\u2019ve designated one specific chair as my work chair. I really really try not to do any sessions from my bed because I just need to preserve that space. Can\u2019t help doing some from the bedroom (because that\u2019s all there is) but I try to at least avoid my bed. \n\nDo you have a therapist yourself? I think we all need support at these times and we have to keep ourselves as healthy as we can mentally as well as physically. The situation can feel really impossible. \n\nI am also trying to cut myself some slack for not being as good a therapist as usual. I do my best but there are limitations emotionally and practically. And I\u2019m trying to let myself off the hook for just doing the best I can in each session. \n\nI really get what you\u2019re saying.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "g1mi8r", "comment_id": "fnh34x5"}, {"question": "Anyone else get irritated when you try to explain bpd to people with non bpd and they reply, \u201cI think everyone does that\u201d", "description": "Seems very invalidating because you know they don\u2019t really understand to the full extent that you do\n\n\nEdit: I meant to write people without bpd*", "answer": "Yes but to be fair, people do that with everything. Depression? I do that. Anxiety? That's me too! Adhd? Oh that's totally me", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9lg08l", "comment_id": "e76iu9w"}, {"question": "I'm (24/F) scared of becoming too dependent and needy for my partner (32/M)", "description": "Possible TW\n\nSo, we've only been together a few months and in that time he's wanted to hear about my past history of abuse and self harm. After talking about this a few times I feel myself wanting to be able to talk about it when I'm feeling low and in need of support. I do worry that he struggles to here it though as it's not the nicest topic.\n\nI don't want to feel like a burden to him or that he might not want me anymore. What would you do?", "answer": "it's not a relationship if you can't be YOU. have you had therapy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ousay", "comment_id": "dkkdzz8"}, {"question": "Advice for interviewing 11-13 year olds 1 on 1?", "description": "Any help would be greatly appreciated :)", "answer": "I work with this age group, and it's really not different from talking to older teens or young adults. Ask getting to know you questions the same you would anyone else, and if you can try to connect on a TV show, youtube channel, sport, whatever they're into. You'll earn their respect simply by talking to them as normal people -- at this age they still get talked down to by adults.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "3ke523", "comment_id": "cuwq6ic"}, {"question": "Marriage therapy", "description": "My SO is bipolar. The past 2 years have been hell. Major rage, anger, & paranoia. He's on meds and has a therapist, whom he has been seeing for about 6 months. He does not let me go to any of his appointments because he thinks I'll ruin his perfect patient image. He comes off warm and caring and open to his doctors, but with me and his family he is completely different and blames everything on us and everything is a trigger to him. We recently started seeing a marriage therapist and to him, it's ok to stay things about me that are cruel and untrue because I deserve it. But when I bring up any of my feelings or issues, he cannot acknowledge they exist and that how I feel is unimportant or not right. He also will still try and act like a complete saint while in a session with me, but once we leave, he just starts raging on me. The whole ride home plus another 3o-60 minutes he raged on me calling me a liar and that I made him look bad and then proceeds to say all kinds of nasty things, rather screams them. I had valid issues he doesn't seem to care about. It's all him and what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he feels justified on terrorizing me for days. So now I've ruined Christmas because I brought up an issue I wanted addressed and hopefully the therapist would have a solution. So now I sit, 6 hours later while he gets drunk and rages. When a couple like us comes into a marriage counseling session, can they see that one person feels completely censored and afraid to say anything to upset the other person? Can they see that one person feels so verbally and emotionally abused that they will tow the line at any cost? Can they see that they are afraid to bring up any topic regarding abuse because they know if they do, the next day to month will be hell because that person has brought up a valid issue and the one accused will make the punishment unbearable. I don't see this ever helping when my significant other refuses to take any responsibility.", "answer": "This sounds like a whole lot more than bipolar. \n\nAlso, yes. I'm willing to bet any therapist worth their salt would see through this charade. And yes, when one person feels censored it is obvious. This is largely why I strongly advocate that all couple therapy must include sections of the sessions where the therapist speaks individually with each partner. \n\nI am really impressed with the courage you have had to share what is going on for you. I'm so sorry. ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a850l6", "comment_id": "ec897pj"}, {"question": "i still love my ex :(", "description": "my boyfriend of 1year+ broke up w me last week bc he wants to be alone and doesn't want to vent his anger into this relationship, he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and we should be \"just friends\" so no one will be hurt .. few days after our breakup, he texted me to ask how i was doing and we started chatting a little. same went for the next few days he would he text me to ask what i was doing. the weird thing is that in sch (we're in the same class too), we'll have some awk eye contacts and sometimes he would stare at me sadly, but the rest of the time he just seems unaffected at all, he would laugh a lot w his friends and play basketball w them .. i felt that if we continue texting like this he will nv miss me so yesterday night i texted him saying that we shouldn't text like this bc it's hard for me to text w him as \"just friends\", i told him that i would try my best to get over him. he replied \"if i didn't have any feelings for u, i wouldn't text u in the first place.\" he also said \"i like the way we are now.. \" \nthe thing is i still love him v much and i still want to be his gf .. i want to text him to get closer to him, hoping he would realize how much he loves me but how do i do that after what i've said? what do i dooooooo :( how do i get him back after all these? today morning i texted him to ask abt the name of a restaurant we went to when we were still tgt (just an excuse to text him and remind him of our good times tgt haha :x) he just replied the restaurant's name, i said thanks and he just put this emoji \"\ud83d\udc4c\ud83c\udffb\" next week is his bday, shld i use this chance to talk to him again? idk ... it seems like he's determined abt the breakup BUT WE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHERRRRRRR :'( someone pls help me :((((", "answer": "wanting to break up with someone you have strong feelings for is not a contradiction. in other words, he has feelings for you AND he feels he needs to be alone to work out some things. maybe he'll see a therapist, resolve some things, and come back.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o2dzc", "comment_id": "dcg4tfs"}, {"question": "what does \"I need to take a break\" really mean?", "description": "Want some answers from men's point of view, what do you really mean when you say \"I need to take a break?\"\n\nThis guy I've been seeing for 8 months, everything went pretty well, recently he's been acting distant, we haven't spoken to each other for almost a week. We are not living together, so usually we only saw each other on our days off. I really felt a bit upset and today I asked him what's going on, he said he had lots of thoughts on minds about what he wants and stress at work etc. What bothers me most is when I asked him whether he's still serious about us he said he's not sure now. Before this, he told me he was committed to me and wanted to have a future with me.\n\nReally appreciate if I could get some advice on this situation. Thanks:)", "answer": "it means there's ambivalence. most of the time it means it's over. sometimes it means a little space to evaluate.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f12gq", "comment_id": "diekrt3"}, {"question": "How do I quit my job?", "description": "I'm 16, and I work part-time at a fast food place. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and I'm finding that this job and balancing school is just making it worse for me. I don't know how to tell my boss I am going to quit because I'm socially awkward.", "answer": "Write a letter, \"this is my two weeks notice. My last day will be x\". They need no more justification than that. \n\nIf they push for an explanation, just tell them that you are having a tough time balancing school and work. ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "586nb5", "comment_id": "d8y9mzn"}, {"question": "My (20/F) boyfriend (25/M) makes insensitive comments. Do I leave?", "description": "So, my boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months now and he has this tendency to make comments about other women. He would make sexual innuendos regarding girls on ig, actresses, etc. and then proceed to tell me \"you know I think you're the most attractive.\" I have told him that it is unacceptable to me and he has made the effort to curb this behavior, but he did it again recently when we were watching a movie. Except this time he kept commenting on how stunning the actress was. Now, I understand that he isn't going to up and leave me for an unattainable actress, but the fact that he doesn't just say it once, he says it multiple times. Specifically, he'll continuously comment on the actress's features through the entire movie rather than make a single comment. By the end of the movie I have heard about how gorgeous this woman is more times than I can count. \n\nI'm not an insecure woman by any means as I have an older sister who did nothing but make mean comments about me growing up, so I had to learn to love myself. However, I feel like my boyfriend's comments are insensitive because of how much he repeats them and how animated he is when he says them. I also feel like he does it purposely to make me upset so he can then say things like \"you know I only love you\" or \"I would choose you over any of them.\" \n\nWhat do you think and how should I go about this situation? Am I overreacting? \n\nTL;DR my boyfriend says things that make me uncomfortable even though I have spoken to him about them before. Am I overreacting?", "answer": "he's immature. if he doesn't hear you, that's a big problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kthcf", "comment_id": "dbqhndd"}, {"question": "Should I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C without the doctor giving me a blood test?", "description": "I went to a sleep specialist recently and have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (AHI=60). My doctor recommended that along with my cpap, I take 1000 mg of Vitamin C, a teaspoon of Apple Cider Vinegar, and 1 mg of melatonin. He never did blood work on me.\n\nI've read about Vitamins being unnecessary at best, dangerous over the long term at worst, but I'm really concerned that because he didn't take a blood test and has no idea what my Vitamin C levels are, that he's just proscribing something that I don't need. I know the recommended amount is around 90 mg per day, so I'm just in general worried about what he has prescribed.\n\nAlso, isn't the apple cider vinegar thing an old wives tale? And what about the melatonin? I know that melatonin is what helps you fall asleep, but what are the long term results of taking artificial melatonin at 1 mg indefinitely?", "answer": "Apple cider vinegar is indeed an old wive's tale given new life by the pseudomedicine industry. Vitamin C supplementation is safe, but I don't know why it was recommended. 1 mg of melatonin might be helpful or might not be; for that, particularly for sleep problems, I'd defer to the sleep specialist.\n\nI doubt any of these recommendations are harmful, but without information on why I'm also skeptical about them being helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "93ge3k", "comment_id": "e3d8pec"}, {"question": "Is it wrong to ask a girl what are they looking for?", "description": "If they're looking for a relationship or just friends/etc?", "answer": "you should ALWAYS ask. that's a big problem of reddit folks; not clarify and defining enough.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6be87k", "comment_id": "dhlwjlo"}, {"question": "Very scared that I have diabetes", "description": "Hi everyone: \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMale\n\n23\n\n50kg/110 ibs, but I think I've increased that to 54 kg/119 ibs \n\n&#x200B;\n\n5 foot 10 inches\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSouth Asian (Pakistani) \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*----------------------------------------\\*\\*\n\nBasically, I've had insomina for the past 2/3 weeks. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI took over the counter sleeping pills then after a week my doctor gave me zopiclone\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis didn't work and yesterday he gave me Mirtazapine. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was awake for hours before I took the mitrazapine and I fell asleep for 18 hours. I woke up about 11/12 after taking it, but 6 hours later it became 18 hours which is when I usually wake up. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nDue to this Insominia I haven't been going to the gym lately. I only went yesterday at 6am for rowing and leg workouts. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nToday, I woke up and I felt like my brain was going to pop. I had this strange feeling. It's the feeling you get when you've slept a lot (say about 12 hours) right after you wake up, but it went on for hours and hours. I had breakfast and even went out so I walked about 30-40 minutes in total today. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*I think the best way to explain this is feeling drowsy, but exactly drowsy\\*\\*. It's very hard to explain.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*It feels like I'm very tired without feeling tired\\*\\*. \\*\\*I didn't want to move or talk today\\*\\*. \\*\\*I don't feel tired (necessarily), but I feel extremely lazy\\*\\*. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nFor the last few weeks, I've been eating a lot. I've had a lot of sugar, but also healthy high protein food to build muscle. As I've said, I've not been to the gym in the past 2/3 weeks, but I've been eating a lot. This has raised my weight by about 5kg to 55kg. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy mouth also feels a little dry even though my oral hygiene is good, so I can't see this dry mouth as a dental hygiene problem. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*\\*I've also had some kidney pain in the last few days\\*\\*. This isn't much, but I think it's worth saying. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've also woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, but to be fair, I've been drinking a lot of water at meals and I usually fall asleep after meals these past few days. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n\\*So my question is\\*\\*. Does anybody think this is diabetes? \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm kind of worried because I have diabetes in my family (granmother and uncle), and I'm getting very serious about sports so of course this will stop me from going far. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThank you all. I know this a very strange and convoluted question, but I'm quite scared. \n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;", "answer": "Diabetes is easily diagnosed, but not online. None of what you describe sounds particularly suggestive, though. Waking up once to urinate is not alarming if during the day you aren't inexplicably thirsty and constantly urinating. Weight gain can cause diabetes, but isn't caused by diabetes, and a several kilogram weight gain is unlikely to cause instant diabetes.\n\nIt's easy enough to have your fasting blood glucose checked if you're concerned.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p2m48", "comment_id": "e7yks1u"}, {"question": "How to master eye contact?", "description": "A few of my friends have told me that I tend to avoid looking at people when they're talking to me. Reading the posts on r/socialskills, they say one of the key ingredients to confidence is eye contact. So I did a social experiment on myself. I found that I couldn't look at my friends while talking to them for more than 2 or 3 seconds. After a few seconds I feel really uncomfortable and the thought of maintaining eye contact is daunting. I've been trying to fix this but I can't help but look away or I'll feel like breaking out into a panic attack. Any advice on improving my eye contact?", "answer": "I wrote a guide to [making eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact). Perhaps you'll find it helpful? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "19bkpz", "comment_id": "c8mm4e5"}, {"question": "\"ASK\" Documentary (Nov '16 Release Date)", "description": "I'm new to Reddit and had no idea a community of recovery existed like this. Very cool. I've been sober for 4 years and currently live in Dallas, TX and go to a group called DAA (Drug Addicts Anonymous).\n\nI'm posting to share a documentary I've been working on with a team of addicts and codependents for the past 2 years. We want to encourage people by hearing stories of alcoholics, addicts, codependents, teaching, and hopefully laughing. Our film is nonprofit and will be given away for free online.\n\nYou can see the trailer of the film here: http://www.askdocumentary.com", "answer": "Just watched the trailer....can't wait for the release. I'm an addictions counselor and would love to be able to show this in my group sessions to my clients. Thank you for doing this", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "56021h", "comment_id": "d8h9fh1"}, {"question": "(NSFW) Gonna set the record straight on the whole \"dick size\" debate.", "description": "I just read a post from a guy who says he feels emasculated by someone publicly mocking him for \"probably having a small dick\" because he's short. It irritates my pussy like you would not believe when people actually hurt the feelings of innocent dudes with the whole \"your dick is probably really small\" thing. \n\nListen. I've been with all kinds. \n\nInterestingly, and consistently, the guys who have been horrible people to their core have ALWAYS been the guys with ugly dicks. Skinny dicks, crooked dicks, microscopic dicks, dicks that are too huge to even work. \n\nI've had incredible sex with \"below-average size\" dick. It's not the friggin size that makes the sex great. What makes sex great is the PERSON ATTACHED TO THE DICK.\n\nAnd ladies, if you're going to make fun of someone's dick, DO IT IN PRIVATE. A guy knows if his dick is bad. If you are an evil little man, chances are, your dick is bad, and, CHANCES ARE, the reason you are an evil little man is because you are so, so deeply *bent out of shape* about your repulsive, little dick. \n\nAnyway I might get hate for my opinion on this, but to that guy who posted who was sad about those dumb girls, here's a *tip*. Try romancing your date to the point where she won't even be clued in on the \"little\" issue. For instance, take her out or make dinner together, watch a romantic comedy, give her a little gift, and **make out in low light or candle light.** If it's dark enough, she won't even know how big or small it is, and once she's hooked on what you've got to offer, when she sees it later in the bright light of day she might even be shocked at what you can do with what you've got.\n\nGood luck, dude!", "answer": "I didn't know my dude had a small dick until he self-consciously brought it up. It's not like we're down there with measuring tapes! Just \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c LET IT GOOOOOOO \u2669 \u266a \u266b \u266c .", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2u5z1c", "comment_id": "co5zawp"}, {"question": "I'm too awkward I give up", "description": "I've tried for the past 4 years to be sociable. I got into an addiction and used it as a crutch to be sociable. When I'm sober I just can't handle it. I'm pretty much a mute. I'm so awkward. I probably gave off the creepy vibe without even trying due to my social ineptness. Now, if I try to talk to any one of the opposite sex I'm ignored or blown off.\n\nThe friends I had aren't really there any more. I feel like my social anxiety ruined my life and I committed social suicide. I don't know what else to do, except just give up.", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? Therapy for social anxiety has effectiveness rates of about 70% for people that complete treatment. Those are very good odds, so it can probably help you too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4a4izc", "comment_id": "d0xkoox"}, {"question": "I can't keep any friends because of my anger issues", "description": "Even if they're people who agree with me on almost everything, I always find something trivial to burst into anger about. No one wants to be around me because of this behavior. I'm often able to hold it in around people but there's this sort of \"breaking point\" where I can no longer hold in my hatred and anger towards a person or group of people, and I just start acting really hostile to them, and it gets gradually worse. I just stormed off from a group of friends and implied I wouldn't come back, but I think they're glad that I did. No one cared to come and talk to me after that.", "answer": "No time to elaborate but mindfulness meditation can help with regulating this sort of explosiveness if you practice regularly", "topic": "Anger", "post_id": "60suy6", "comment_id": "df9ngbd"}, {"question": "Need Advice on my relationship, [18/M] dating a [16/F].", "description": "I\u2019ve been dating this girl for 2 months now and we were friends for nearly 2 years before this and basically spoke every day at least over text. We do see each other at school most days and do pay special attention to each other a lot as we both love each other. But generally, she is the most amazing girl, but we generally don\u2019t share too many common hobbies. I feel like our conversations have been lacking quite a bit recently and I really want to fix this over both text and in Person. I do try a little harder when it comes to making conversations but we speak soo much and I just don\u2019t ever want this to die down? What can I do to try and improve this? \ud83d\ude0a", "answer": "Make sure she is a legal age of consent where you live.\n\nMost young people talk more than they need to because they're worried about losing the person. Shared hobbies are not important in the long run. Don't force the conversation. Talk about what you talk about, do things together, enjoy the time, find new and interesting things to share and talk about, read the same books, etc..", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbnr6", "comment_id": "dko4hoi"}, {"question": "Dealing with denial.", "description": "My mom's been struggling with addiction all her life. I learned about alcoholism at too young of an age, the first time she went to rehab. She was able to stay sober for about ten years until she relapsed. The whole family did a great job of denying the problem until she hit rock bottom. We had to go through the whole process all over again, but rehab got her back on her feet and she spent about the last 12 years drug and alcohol free. Within the last six months the \"symptoms\" have been re-appearing. Xanax. A doctor (who knows about her struggles) has prescribed them as a way to help her deal with panic attacks. She claims she needs it now to deal with the panic attacks. My father supports this claim because he says her panic attacks are probably due to undiagnosed hyperglycemia or a thyroid issue. Currently she's waiting for test results for those. The issue is, I don't believe either of them. To me it's obvious that she's panicking because she's realizing she has to start over. I sat down with them this weekend and told them that I don't deny there are panic attacks, but she's becoming dependent on the drugs and the cycle is starting all over again. They assured me that as soon as they can diagnose the problem that she'll be off the Xanax and things will be normal again. I can't blame my dad for his denial. He doesn't want to accept what he probably already knows - he doesn't want to go through it all again. Am I going doing the right thing by addressing the issue head on this time? What do I do now?", "answer": "I second the what is that doctor thinking comment. It would be better to get the test results back before giving an addict or alcoholic an abusable substance. Better yet there are non narcotic substances that this doctor ought to know about (buspar for example). Our doctor at my facility uses buspar on the clients here and it does work. Many doctors claim to understand addiction and don't which is tragic. \n\nThe problem here is that in cases such as this it is often impossible to tell someone what is coming. You did your part and said something. Now they need to hit a wall and discover the answer for themselves. Hang in there!\n\nThe real acid test is if the Xanax use will actually stop as they said. My gut says no.\n\nEdit: Also as the other user said withdrawal from benzodiazepines can cause seizures which makes his prescription of them to an addict even more amazing!", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "3qa470", "comment_id": "cwfgc70"}, {"question": "Running out of psych meds, can't get in touch with clinic", "description": "Age: 39\n\nSex: m\n\nHeight: 6'\n\nWeight: 220\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: na\n\nLocation: brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: psych\n\nCurrent medications: paliperidone(oral), mirtazapine, valium, prazosin, gabapentin, seroquel \n\n\n Don't know what to do. I had an appointment last week at the clinic canceled because the person I see was sick for refills. Have been trying to get in touch with them, no results. Pharmacy has faxed requests for refill, unanswered.\n\nI will be out of my paliperidone(12mg/day), gabapentin(1200/day), and mirtazapine(30mg/day) tomorrow evening. I still had a prescription for valium(30mg/day), prazosin(3mg/day) and seroquel left.\n\nIs there anything I can do if I don't get in touch with the clinic? Will my primary doctor be able to fill these? Should I ration the pills I have to last longer? Really at a loss especially with things closing down. I'm very afraid to stop the medicine that I do not have abruptly. Should I go to the hospital if I can't contact them?", "answer": "Your primary care doctor is allowed to refill these medications, but its up to him or her whether to do so. Documentation that these are supposed to be prescribed helps, but the pharmacy records can provide that.\n\nCall your PCP and ask tomorrow as well as calling your psychiatrist's clinic again. See if there is a message saying who is providing backup coverage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvy1t", "comment_id": "fkpkz9v"}, {"question": "Need some advice on how to get out of bed in the morning.", "description": "Hey all. So I'm at a low point in my life right now for a few reasons, not all of which are in my control. I've been pretty good this past month about getting on with things, but there's one thing that I can't really seem to shake. \n\nI find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning. I currently spend about 12 hours a day in bed on average. When I'm just awake and groggy, it just seems to be impossible to convince myself that getting up is going to improve my day in any way. I think it is really negatively affecting my life right now.\n\nAs background, I'm a grad student, and I don't really have any responsibilities in the mornings. I have tried many things, hiding my alarm, arranging to meet people at the gym, but so far nothing has worked. Even if I get out of bed, I inevitably meander back, generally the temptation to go back to a carefree dreamlike state is overwhelming.\n\nI understand that I need to work on fixing the underlying causes for why I don't enjoy being awake so much, and I am trying. But until I can, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forcing yourself out of bed.", "answer": "Have you gone into your mind and reset your mental alarm clock? What does your alarm clock look like? How is it reset? How does it wake you? When would you like it to wake you? Try it!", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "so05f", "comment_id": "c4ftcbx"}, {"question": "What grains do you eat? Need help gaining weight", "description": "I am on a low carb diet to reduce some of my symptoms. I notice that brown rice gives me hormonal cystic acne. I am only eating wild rice, buckwheat and quinoa. What grains do you all need? I want to gain weight but also not have my excess androgen symptoms act up.", "answer": "Millet is a good, hearty GF option. Buckwheat is my #1 as well. Maybe some root veg if you\u2019re thinking carbs but concerned about inflammation?", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ap4e3i", "comment_id": "eg7h3xf"}, {"question": "Dr. says I don't need surgery for hernia, second opinion?", "description": "As the title says I (35m) saw a dr recently who diagnosed me with a mild Inguinal hernia after complaining of pain in my lower abdomen for the past month. He told me that I didn't need surgery and to come back should it start feeling worse. He also didn't really give me any limitations in terms of lifting, pulling or pushing other than the standard listen to your body. I realize I'm being a bit paranoid but should I seek a second opinion? I don't know anyone whose had a hernia who didn't need to get surgery. I'm also a bit paranoid because I have a trip outside of the country coming up and it terrifies me to think of something suddenly happening to me in an international country. ", "answer": "It might depend on what type of [hernia](http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hernia/Pages/Introduction.aspx) it is... ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6mnedm", "comment_id": "dk2y93q"}, {"question": "Test results show high potassium and calcium and low neutrophils and urine creatinine. GP isn\u2019t worried, should I be?", "description": "Full test results here: https://m.imgur.com/a/279nE09\n\nI am an otherwise healthy 28 y/o white male, 6ft tall, 175lbs, only medication I take is Vyvanse 30mg per day for ADHD. This blood and urine test was just part of a regular checkup. \n\nI used to have pretty bad panic disorder and health anxiety but I\u2019ve been able to control my anxiety almost completely by practising mindfulness meditation. Even though my doctor assured me my test results are nothing to worry about, I feel myself starting to slip into my old thought patterns of worrying too much about my health, and I want to nip this in the bud. \n\nIf there are any health professionals here who can re-assure me I\u2019m fine, or let me know I should go for a second opinion I would greatly appreciate it, thank you! ", "answer": "You already got a good answer, but values 0.1 or 0.01, respectively, for K and Ca are insignificant. Being a tiny margin above or below the \"normal\" cutoff is almost always still normal. The cutoffs are arbitrarily set usually so that they'll flag things for doctors to look at that are still unconcerning rather than letting something slip that is a real problem.\n\nThe urine values just show very dilute urine. I'd guess that you fasted, had a lot of water before the testing, or both. It's not possible to conclude anything, but given that the rest of your labs are fine checking urine values isn't usually standard anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a260to", "comment_id": "eavmfvn"}, {"question": "Therapy", "description": "Does anyone incorporate therapy as part of their recovery? I\u2019m getting mixed messages at my AA group. I was in trauma therapy at my rehab and I plan to continue it. I truly believe if I don\u2019t heal from the past it\u2019s going to keep me sick. I have a history of sexual and verbal abuse I haven\u2019t worked through. My ex temporary sponsor tells me she addresses her alcoholism on a daily basis and that\u2019s all she needs to do. Also told me another girl did EDMR therapy and started drinking again. Fuck that. My past made me who I am today, I\u2019m a very frightened anxious person and I want to come out of my shell. Advice please.", "answer": "Whoever said EMDR made her drink again: nothing can MAKE you drink, but perhaps she wasn't communicating well with her therapist if things got out of hand. Therapists aren't clarvoyant, & if something is too much too fast, you have to tell them. It sounds more like she set herself up to fail.\n\nDo what works for YOU to keep you happy & healthy, & your group be damned. I'm biased, being a therapist myself, but I do agree with your sentiments. You get better by confronting your demons, & a therapist in individual sessions in conjunction with group will help you find yourself. Good luck!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "aov6m9", "comment_id": "eg4wiwj"}, {"question": "Survey about treatment: Take a 15-minute survey and be entered in a Raffle for one of four $25 gift cards (moderator approved research post)", "description": "Have you been in treatment for depression or anxiety in the past 5 years? Take a brief 15-minute survey for a chance to win one of four $25.00 gift cards. Help us advance the science of mental health! Follow the link below to reach the survey:\n\n[link to survey](https://umich.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_0Ncpu1IN9CmAhF3)\n\nParticipants must have received treatment including therapy or inpatient treatment in the past 5 years and be 18 years or older. Participants with a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other conditions featuring psychosis are not eligible.\n\nThank you for your time and consideration.", "answer": "This survey is horrible. I backed out after about twenty poorly worded and poorly constructed questions about some Center that doesn't apply. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5n79g0", "comment_id": "dc9swvg"}, {"question": "QT Prolongation and Anti-depressants", "description": "30 years old. I have a defib/pacemaker implant I got when I was 21 because it was discovered I have a super long Q-T interval. I'm in Oregon and I plan on going to a doctor but it takes forever to get seen so in the meantime I'm wanting to gather as much info as I can so I can tackle the most important stuff first when I finally get seen. \n \nI want/need to start anti depressants but I'm worried that they'll make my heart issues worse. I've seen some research studies on anti depressants causing QT prolongation and I'm wondering if there are some that don't. I've nearly run out of solutions and it seems that anti depressants are needed in conjunction with the other things i do to cope and recover, but I'm afraid it will only make things worse. Should I not be worried since I have a degib/pacemaker implant? Should I avoid anti depressants? \n Thanks for your help!", "answer": "That's an important discussion to have with the prescribing doctor.\n\nAll antidepressants are certainly not equal, and there are different long QT syndromes with different risk. (LQT1 seems to have higher risk of medication-induced tosades than LQT2) I would definitely avoid citalopram (Celexa) and probably escitalopram. Some, like fluoxetine (Prozac) and bupropion (Wellbutrin) have lower risk. In people without higher risk before taking medications the risk is essentially zero; I don't think it's well established in people like you.\n\nWith an implantable device your risk is lower because you have that as a fallback, but it's still a lot better not to rely on getting shocked in case of emergency. It's the kind of device you want to have and not need.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bxikus", "comment_id": "eq71i0b"}, {"question": "Is it wrongto internet stalk your therapist?", "description": "I saw a post with someone going into details about how they cyber stalked their therapist (nothing illegal) and got a very negative response, with someone saying that their therapist should discontinue, it was a breach in trust, and etc. this made me paranoid bc I did the exact same thing. I googled, facebooked, etc... mine for quite a while. Going pretty deep and managing to find quite a bit with little to work with. If she found out do you think she would be upset? Should I tell her?", "answer": "As a therapist we know that it's pretty likely that some clients we work with are going to attempt to find out as much about us online as possible, so most of us go to fairly great lengths to keep what we don't want seen off of the internet and keep our social media profiles private. Those of us that are less tech savvy and/or aware don't \n\n\nI'd say that it's pretty creepy either way when we find out that this happens to us but whether the therapist should or shouldn't discontinue therapy with you has a lot to do with your reasoning for doing this and whether or not you're willing to own up to it and discuss it with them. \n\n\nI can't tell you whether she'd be upset or not but I do think you should tell her. If your relationship with your therapist is crossing into a place of obsession or boundary crossing, it's better that it be put out on the table and discussed, as whether you like it or not, they may not be the best therapist to help you with whatever it is you're trying to get help with.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ep8v11", "comment_id": "fehwa7o"}, {"question": "Ekg test", "description": "Been doing tests for things that have surfaced in my family like type 2 and afib. 44 years old male pretty healthy \n\nDoes an ekg give a decent indication of whether you have afib? Test results say normal sinus rhythm so Dr said everything was good, but I didn't specifically ask about afib ", "answer": "Atrial fibrillation is, by definition, a rhythm that is neither normal nor sinus. At the time of the EKG there was no afib.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pwuvs", "comment_id": "e0enxqv"}, {"question": "[22/f] I'm seeing someone [22/m] who I really like but I can't stop worrying", "description": "Sorry for the vague title, but I'm wondering if anyone could weigh in here to help me feel at ease. I've started regularly seeing this guy who I'm really starting to fall for. There are tons of things about him that I like and its been a long time since I've felt this way for anyone. \n\nHere's what I feel good about:\n\n\n\n\n-He's more of a man than other guys I've dated, ie more mature\nHe wants me but doesn't NEED me\n\n\n-logical, so he balances me out \n\n\n-genuinely good person\n\n\n-smart\n\n\n-organized\n\n\n-respectful towards me and others\n\n\n-self aware\n\n\n-opinionated\n\n\n-levelheaded\n\n\n-practical\n\n\n-awesome sex\n\n\n-hot body\n\n\n-shares a lot of my values\n\n\n-not afraid to follow his gut\n\n\n-takes calculated risks\n\n\n-takes the lead\n\n\n-I can be myself around him\n\n\n-caring\n\n\n-depth and passion under the surface\n\n\n\n\n\nThings I'm worried about:\n\n\n-conversation might run dry\n\n\n-overlapping but somewhat different senses of humor \n\n\n\n\n\nI am sexy and he loves my art and music, so I'm not worried that he's not attracted to me. Right now he's very into me. I'm just convinced deep down that we'll run out of things to say to each other and he'll get bored of me. Also, I'm by no means a push over, but I am extremely easy going. Its not because I have no back bone, but because I can easily see different sides of things. I'm scared he'll want someone sassier and feistier than me and that I won't be enough of a \"challenge\" to keep his interest. This is the first guy who's come along who I've felt this insecure about (besides high school infatuations a long time ago).\n\nAm I being pathetic? How do I stop worrying? is the sense of humor thing a problem? Also, we talk a lot in person but he doesn't really text me. Does that mean something? I feel insane right now, its kind of out of character for me to feel like this.", "answer": "First of all, I have assumed that the two of you have defined what this relationship is. I'll go further and assume that you are defining it as a serious committed monogamous relationship. I'm not sure why you think the conversation might run dry. There's always something to talk about especially for people in love. And you sound like a pretty together person so I somehow don't think that conversation is going to run dry anytime soon. I wouldn't worry about different senses of humor because in the big picture that's not a super important kind of thing that every couple has to share exactly. I think you're just anxious because you really like this guy, perhaps more than anyone you've ever met, so when that happens we're more afraid of losing the person, thus we worry more. I would just try to relax with it and enjoy it and just be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, don't worry about sassy or feisty or anything like that. People either love us for for us or they don't. We have no control over that because because all we can do is be ourselves.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qe5cl", "comment_id": "dcyk6c7"}, {"question": "Waited 3 months to get referred for DBT since my overdose/diagnosis, just been to the GP for an emergency appointment and to check my referral has gone through - I've been referred... for guided self help.", "description": "I want to give up. Been given citalopram to try and help short term but I'm terrified of meds after sertraline made me hallucinate. \n\nFeel fucking hopeless. \n\nI've had guided self help before I was diagnosed with BPD and it was awful. The woman called me promiscuous and said I wasn't trying to help myself so it wouldn't work for me. ", "answer": "He/she should NOT have put you on another SSRI. Make sure to monitor your mood carefully for signs of repeat episodes.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7nm1di", "comment_id": "ds3t8uk"}, {"question": "Am I too sensitive?", "description": "Alright, my best friend of 9 years just says things to me that makes me feel dumb. I\u2019m not saying that I can\u2019t be picked on I love roasting my friends and they can roast me too. But i don\u2019t know, this past weekend just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. To sum it up, I was singing a song to my SO and my SO thought I made it up. I didn\u2019t make it up, but my friend said \u201chahah how talented do you think she is?!\u201d There\u2019s been other scenarios similar to this one. Am I just being too sensitive? Or is that kind of fucked up to say to someone?... also background to this specific friend, they are extremely sensitive... I myself, would never say that to them. ", "answer": "That\u2019s fucked up to say. I would talk to them about it and let them know you would never talk to them in that manner because you respect them too much and you deserve that same level of respect! Wow. I\u2019d be really hurt too.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ale6s1", "comment_id": "efd9jv7"}, {"question": "How do I (F/22) handle moving past the honeymoon phase with significant other (M/23)?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He is wonderful and i love him dearly. I have noticed small changes in our relationship, such as not texting/calling as much as usual, or not having special moments as once before. He told me we were past the honeymoon phase of our relationship when all of these things are more prominent and there is no need to worry- that we are just growing and settling as a couple. \n\nThis is my first relationship and I'm not quite sure how to accept the fact that there is actually such thing as \"a honeymoon phase\"- that all of these changes are normal. Could anyone share any experiences or thoughts?\n\nAny advice would be very appreciated ", "answer": "Think of anything new, like a beautiful blouse, that you were absolutely crazy about when you bought it. Remember that feeling the first half a dozen times you wore it? How did you feel about it when it was 6 months old and you had worn it 50 times?\nNothing is exciting like NEW. The challenge of a lifetime together, is keeping the spirit and the core of your love intact, when a zillion other things are demanding your attention. My folks were romantically, sexually enthralled with each other for 70 years. But did my Dad write her love letters for seven decades like the ones he wrote the summer he met her? No.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s3yes", "comment_id": "ddc7k2s"}, {"question": "Gift ideas! Creativity rewards double XP.", "description": "My girlfriend [16F] is mature and amazing beyond her years, so don't let the number fool you. She's a painter and multi-media artist, a guitarist and singer/songwriter, a school and club soccer player, a motorcyclist, a strawberry genetics research intern at the USDA, and a bioengineering hopeful. Not to mention the sweetest and most thoughtful person I've ever known. She's worth the world to me, but unfortunately I don't have that kind of cash, so I'm trying to buy her something creative but inexpensive. We live in the PNW and I'd like to have something for her by this time next week.", "answer": "make her a macaroni card. Or a flip book of your favorite times and dates together. Your most memorable memories.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1fetlp", "comment_id": "ca9jyd4"}, {"question": "Don't know where to start, too many issues and zero help", "description": "Hi! I've been seeing DBT exercises only but I'm really confused. I cannot find websites in my own language and it's been a long ride trying to express myself in a language that isn't mine. I've also been a couple of years without '' awareness / realization '' and it make it very difficult to take actions for what I'm experiencing. I have anger issues mainly and it's the reason I want to do DBT to heal! I don't have support from my family, I have no friends & I cannot have a therapist / counsellor because I have no money and live far away from everything literally. I feel lost and numb. I need support ! Thank you. Merci beaucoup si y'a des Fran\u00e7ais qui ont lu cela h\u00e9siter pas \u00e0 venir en PV", "answer": " \nLa chose la plus proche que j'ai pu trouver est la suivante, mais je pense qu'ils sont destin\u00e9s aux praticiens, pas aux patients. Je ne connais pas assez le fran\u00e7ais pour savoir s'ils ont ce que vous cherchez. Je crois que celui de 2000 correspond davantage \u00e0 ce que vous recherchez.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2000). Traitement Cognitivo-Comportemental du Trouble de Personnalit\u00e9 \u00c9tat-Limite. Gen\u00e8ve: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nLinehan, M.M. (2017). Manuel d\u2019Entra\u00eenement aux Comp\u00e9tences TCD, 2e \u00c9dition. Traduction de Paco Prada, Rosetta\u00a0 Nicastro, Nader Perroud, Gen\u00e8ve\u00a0: M\u00e9decine & Hygi\u00e8ne.\n\nBien qu'il ne soit pas sp\u00e9cifique \u00e0 DBT, ce site Web contient des ressources que vous pourriez trouver utiles.[https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm](https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/fr.htm)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nVeuillez pardonner ma traduction Google: ne parle pas Fran\u00e7ais.", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "h09qm0", "comment_id": "ftl5qfg"}, {"question": "I have no real friends. Someone made any, after having none and as a grown up?", "description": "Feeling like 30yr is too late.\n\nThe thing is - I have friends. I will be invited to several massive hangouts. \nEvery single person I know has better stuff to do, people to meet with and etc. it's only by coincidence I get invited, after someone cancels. \n\nPeople will cancel scheduled hangouts with me, being set by me mostly and I can't find a single person to be with me, just for having fun.\n\nNothing else is going right. all I have in my life is money. no SO, just a couple thousand dollars. \nI have one dear friend, the first person to ever meet with me - but her budget and time are limited - and like anyone else in the world, I guess she would prefer other people for special occasions \n(for example - I have a lot of \"invitations for two\" but no one to go with, and I'm sure no one else will think of me as his number two). \n\n\ntl;dr How do I become the person people wants to hangout with and not just turn him over for the next girl in sight?\n\n\nEDIT:\n\nThank you.\nI WILL TRY TO CHANGE MY LIFE.\n\nBETTER IS COMING.", "answer": "I would recommend the [Start](http://www.amazon.com/Start-Escape-Average-Matters-ebook/dp/B00CHVIVMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370022347&sr=8-1&keywords=start) book. It's focus is more on starting to do work that matters to you, but honestly it's helpful for any kind of significant life change. It has some really useful advice for getting started on changing your life for the better, and it talks a lot about the fear of \"Now is too late\" (hint: it's never too late!)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1fepic", "comment_id": "ca9lksp"}, {"question": "Faking a mental illness", "description": "Is it possible to make yourself believe you have a mental illness and act on it? I guess you cant actually get a disorder just by your will but can someone unintentionally make themself believe they do have it? And act on it?\n Sorry if its dumb", "answer": "This isn't a dumb question at all. It happens quite frequently. We are pretty good at picking up on people who feign mental illness, and we have a number of measures that support our clinical judgment.", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "egunmb", "comment_id": "fcal765"}, {"question": "Risk of getting salmonella from a very small amount of raw chicken?", "description": "I just ate a very small bit of raw chicken about 30 mins ago. It was from a small packet of chicken feet from China, so the size was only about as large as the meat from one of its tiny fingers. We didnt know it had to be boiled.\n\n What are the chances of getting salmonella?", "answer": "No idea, but if you're fine after a couple of days then you've probably got away with it.\n\n[Salmonella poisoning](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/salmonella-infection/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2jea", "comment_id": "diexk0m"}, {"question": "What happens if I admit to my doctor that I'm suicidal?", "description": "I've been depressed for the past two years, this past year its advanced from depression to being suicidal. I haven't told anyone about this and kept it pretty well hidden though my grades and life in general is starting to slip. I'm considering telling my family doctor about it but I have some concerns. For one, my parents can never find out. I also can't go to a psych because I wouldn't be able to keep that away from my parents and because of the cost. And finally, I'm concerned about what would happen if I admitted to him that I often think about killing myself and have a plan to go through with it? Would he be required to call the police or whatever? \n\nI just want to get some anti depressants to see if that would help. ", "answer": "1) How old are you? If you are over 18, then you have nothing to worry about, the doctor cannot say anything to anyone unless you agree. If not, then you don't really have a choice in the matter in a lot of cases. But, you're parents can be a great support, and I would highly recommend bringing them into your situation. Obviously, I don't know much about your situation, so this might not be true. \n \n2) Yes, doctors are mandated reporters. If you tell him you are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, and he thinks there is immediate danger, he is required to report it through the proper means. But, that does not mean you will be put in a psych hospital. The best thing would be to go and be honest, and try your best to feel better through the means you have and can get. A voluntary visit to the psych hospital will be much better than the one you are forced to go to, and you'll hopefully get help either way. \n \nAt this point it is about you and your health. If anyone thinks less of you because you need and are trying to get help, they are wrong. Please be safe, please do not go through with your plans. If you think that is possible, please call emergency services or a suicide hotline instead. I don't know what has brought you to this point, but someone's life would be less without you in it, and if nothing else, that's something to live for. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xluzi", "comment_id": "cfci65j"}, {"question": "Recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts", "description": "Hello!\n\nDo you have any recommendations for marriage advice/counseling podcasts made by an actual professional in the field?\n\nIf it matters, this is for someone who is planning to get married for the first time.\n\nThank you so much!", "answer": "Not sure if they have podcasts.....but there\u2019s videos and info available from both of these: Gottman institute and Sue Johnson (Emotionally focused Couples Therapy). I love both of these and they have some similarities.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ehtwkg", "comment_id": "fcmfybz"}, {"question": "I realized something horrible about my depression and now I'm terrified", "description": "Having depression ruins our general interactions with people. I believe we all know this. However, I also realized I might never be able to be a parent because I would be so unfit as a person with depression. In addition, we are constantly told \"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else\". I might never end up with anyone. So I will literally most likely end up alone and childless if my depression never improves or goes away. I'm terrified now. ", "answer": "Do what you can to come back into the moment. Realize you are responding with fear to ideas which are not real in front of you, at best possibilities which may not come true. Breath slowly and deeply to relax and ground yourself. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2qf8b0", "comment_id": "cn5njs1"}, {"question": "[16F] I have a really weird reaction to graphic medical equipment and would like advice", "description": "Occasionally when I'm in situations where I'm exposed to graphic medical equipment or gore (It's happened when I needed to get several vaccinations at once, when watching a documentary about abortion and one about FGM), I have a really strange experience. I feel really sick and hot and my vision goes almost pixelated with lots of black dots. I feel very physically weak like I might faint and can barely move my hands. My hearing is like I'm underwater and I barely feel present. It lasts about 15 minutes, and afterwards, I feel very drained. I was just wondering what it was and how I might cope with it (usually the triggers are unavoidable). My friend said it was similar to the way she felt when she had a sort of low blood sugar episode.", "answer": "Blood/injection vasovagal syncope is common. SqueeIng large muscle, like tensing your legs, can counteract the drop in blood pressure that leaves you feeling woozy and bad. Deliberate exposure can make the effect wear off, but you can decide whether the problem is frequent enough to need treatment. If you do choose it, CBT/exposure therapy is the way to go.\n\nVasovagal syncope isn\u2019t itself risky or harmful, just uncomfortable.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dvfh27", "comment_id": "f7ce1ww"}, {"question": "Taking more than perscribed Bupropion", "description": "My daily dosage is 250mg, but in hopes of feeling better from my worsening depression I took 300mg yesterday and 450mg today. What side effect could I see? Is the dose too high?", "answer": "Don't take more than 450. I did once on accident and ended up needing to take an ambulance to the ER and stay overnight in the hospital. It was horrible, terrfiying, and really fking expensive. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6dn3rs", "comment_id": "di4aa49"}, {"question": "Antipsychotics?", "description": "Is anyone else on antipsychotics for BPD and depression? They\u2019re about to put me on abilify.", "answer": "That's more like an atypical antipsychotic/ mood stabilizer. It's not like a true antipsychotic. I've seen more than a few people get helped tremendously by it and others hate it or, even worse, love it but can't handle the side effects. \n\nIMO it's better than Geodon or Seroquel in many aspects. I still wouldn't like having to use it unless I was having some serious problems with emotions or reactive behavior.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ex8gk4", "comment_id": "fg6x6j4"}, {"question": "Does my case of social anxiety/insecurity warrant therapy? Or am I just making excuses?", "description": "EDIT on Title - What i mean by 'excuses' is just does my situation sound like one where therapy is the right choice? or do I need to just break habits on my own - because social anxiety and insecurity are pretty common. Not sure how anyone can answer that, but felt like putting my feelings out there on this. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'll try to keep this brief, as this is likely a common and/or low-value post to the sub. **I'm wondering if - given my story below - you'd think therapy is worth my time/money, and what kind I should look for. I know nothing about therapy haha.**\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm a 29 y/o man, and I often feel very troubled/down due to social anxiety and insecurity. I find it extremely hard to take risks/commit - and it feels like I'm just too scared to live life. I think it's driven by my fear of judgement/embarrassment, and it's something I've never been able to overcome.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI have a very loving/supporting family and a good career; but at age 29 I've essentially never dated or felt comfortable meeting new people. I have a decent social life, but it's primarily all of the same friends I've had since high school/college - and I'm not *really* close with anyone of them. I feel like my friend group is what it is because it's been the most convenient.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm realizing more and more that despite all the things I have going for me, I'm unhappy. Unhappy because I feel inferior, and I've never been able to overcome these fears of mine. The fact that I've never dated as a man in his late 20s is really starting to weigh on me.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n**Conclusion:** I'm thinking about trying therapy because maybe it'll help me understand why I have these fears, and that may help me overcome them. But I also know social anxiety and insecurity are common things - and seeking therapy may be another excuse im telling myself to procrastinate or avoid getting better on my own.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks for reading, any comments/experiences/pieces of advice are appreciated. God bless.", "answer": "Therapy can not only help you understand the underlying reason *why* but can also challenge you to take small risks with support and \u201ctools\u201d so you can widen your comfort zone. Look for a CBT or DBT practitioner.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5z2tc", "comment_id": "es5b5pm"}, {"question": "Permanent acid trip?", "description": "18/m/no medical issue or medications. Im having visual issues. When I look at patterned flooring, like tile or carpets, they vibrate out of my fov. Like anything im not focusing on vibrates and darts around. I also see faded lines and stripes on things like the drapes and ceiling. Also tiny black dots, kind of like really little bugs that last for maybe a millisecond. I've never done any drugs.", "answer": "This isnt abnormal. Unusual visual experiences in your peripheral vision isn't a sign of mental instability. The eye isnt as good at perceiving visual stimuli on the edges.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "53aa1d", "comment_id": "d7rm0hb"}, {"question": "Help please! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?", "description": "Help! Has anyone been admitted to a psych ward in Australia? What's it like in there? How were you treated by staff and nurses?\n\nMy husband was admitted involuntarily 3 days ago in a NSW hospital due to bipolar manic episode. I've attempted to see him twice yesterday, both times they wouldn't let me in because \"the ward was unstable. \" they said it was HIM disrupting and being violent. He wasn't violent before he went in. When I asked the nurse if this is a reaction to new meds, she said NO and practically kicked me out of the centre. On the phone he told me they've slammed his head on the floor etc. Now I feel like he's being abused in there, they refuse to let me see him, I feel like they're hiding something. Wtf do I do??\n", "answer": "While I've never been to Australia, I used to be a therapist at a psych hospital. Mania is really unpredictable, which is why it is dangerous (especially for the manic person). I've seen normally docile people become very aggressive when manic.\n\nIn the USA at least, the hospital can't share details with you unless the patient explicitly agrees to it.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2flbz1", "comment_id": "ckabv6j"}, {"question": "PhD thesis defense in 6 days, starting to feel sick today", "description": "Hi everyone! I am 28 years old, male, 180 lbs, 6' tall, and non-smoking.\n\nFirst of all, my PhD defense is next Wednesday (in six days). It was extremely difficult to set this time up with my committee members, and it's possible that it's the last opportunity I'll have this semester with all of their travel, as well as coronavirus concerns quickly shutting down several functions at our University. In addition, I have a job lined up to start directly after this semester ends so postponing it another semester is not really an option either. \n\nAnyway, for the last two weeks I have literally locked myself in my house to study and prepare for my defense. I occasionally go to the campus to meet with my advisor, but there no known coronavirus cases in my city. I have been definitely anal about NOT getting sick the last week - I'm washing my hands every 30-60 minutes, taking 6 eccinasia per day, and drinking 2 airbornes every day, because I absolutely could NOT get sick for my defense. Especially considering I just recently got over a cold about 3 weeks ago!\n\nHowever, today I woke up with a cough that won't quite go away, and more mucus in my throat that is coming out yellow. Am I totally screwed? Do I need to plan alternative actions? \n\nIs it possible that I'm either not getting sick, or that it'll be over before next Wednesday, or that I can do anything at all to hold it at bay until after my defense?\n\nTLDR: PhD defense in 6 days, but starting to get sick today, despite being overly cautious after getting over a cold three weeks ago. What do I do?!", "answer": "I wonder if you could ask about doing your defense remotely - like by Skype or Zoom? Lots of places are compromising and accepting teleconferencing for normally in person activities.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fhisby", "comment_id": "fkbjhc1"}, {"question": "Professional Needed for Interview", "description": "Hello all! \n\nI apologize if this is against the rules\nI am a Junior undergraduate studying clinical psychology and social work at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I am currently enrolled in a Theories of Psychotherapy class, and am asking for some assistance. One of our assignments is to interview a professional in this field about their method of practice, how they run their practice, why they chose that particular model, things like that. If anyone would be willing to do a quick interview that would be great! We could either video chat or message, whatever is easiest/most comfortable. If you would be willing to help me out, please PM me. Thank you again!", "answer": "/r/psychotherapy has a list of people willing to be interviewed here: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/wiki/faq", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmwn73", "comment_id": "fl90hdu"}, {"question": "Accepting my (23/f) boyfriend's (23/m) flaws???", "description": "Hello! \nI'll preface all of this by saying that I do have generalized anxiety disorder, and am VERY prone to overthinking/overanalyzing things and how people respond to me and others. I notice every facial expression, body language, everything! I'm very self-conscious about my own personality and often question whether people actually like me. I get annoyed with people easily and I'm quick to notice their negatives. I am in therapy and have been working on this for as long as I can remember.\n\nAnyway, I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he's my best friend. He's incredibly thoughtful, responsible, hardworking, caring, handsome, and sexy. However, I've been noticing some things lately. First off, I'm 5'5 and he's 5'7 so we're pretty much the same height. Obviously if I had a huge issue with this I never would've started dating him in the first place. But I do worry about what OTHER people think of him. His friends give him crap all the time about being \"short\", plus I hear jokes about other \"short\" guys and it makes me really self-conscious about it what people think when they see us together. He's also confident in himself and will share stories about his experiences if their related to the conversation. I often worry that people think he's \"bragging\" or something like that, but again I'm also very self conscious about sharing my own experiences because I don't want to be that person either, so maybe it's my own insecurities coming out. He grew up really poor and never had the money to get his teeth fixed/cleaned regularly, so I'm also worried that people judge him for that too.\n\nI feel so terrible admitting all of that because he treats me SO well and accepts all of my flaws and imperfections, and encourages me to be myself and even prefers me without makeup in sweats with my hair up. \n\nHelp :/ \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "You're overthinking. Successful relationships are all about loving someone enough that you accept the whole package. If you have a loving relationship and good health, NOTHING else matters until babies come along", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6tzxz6", "comment_id": "dloxolp"}, {"question": "Online therapy", "description": "My beautiful Mon died in the overnight hours and I am unable to function under the weight of my grief. Is there any reliable online therapy available?", "answer": "Where are you located? In the US, most therapists are offering teletherapy right now. Therapeer is also a great app you can download for peer support.\n\nI\u2019m so sorry for your loss.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h7lj1k", "comment_id": "fulwnfc"}, {"question": "How to effectively take a mental health day?", "description": "I\u2019ve been feeling really stressed with school and personal life stuff recently. I\u2019m Seriously considering taking a mental health day from school, how can I make the most of it? Right now I just want a stress free day so I can play videos or read or do whatever with no stress but I don\u2019t Know it that would be the most effective way to do it. Any advice would be great, thanks!", "answer": "Most important thing is to not sleep in. Wake up at the same early time you would for school/work if not earlier so you can make the most of your day. If that's a hard sell, force yourself, get coffee. \n\n\nDo things that you need to do to get caught up so you're no longer feeling behind if that's something that's been stressing you and take time to have fun. Leave your house/apartment and go do something that's out of the ordinary for you. Getting stuck in a routine is something most of us fall into from time to time and it can really add to stress over time. Rather than doing more of what you usually might do (tv, video games, whatever), go do something completely different (take a short walk somewhere in nature or at a park, check out a nearby town you've never been to and grab lunch, spend the day learning a new skill, whatever it is so long as it's different than what you normally do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "be0cgk", "comment_id": "el3kj5g"}, {"question": "I took some medicines and it makes me feel like an airhead all day. Can you help to tell me which one?", "description": "Yesterday I visited a doctor about my left shoulder pain. He said I have tense muscle on both sides of my shoulders. After the first day on medication, my shoulder pain is almost gone but I'm curious which medicines make me unable to focus (even trying to make proper phases for reddit post is really difficult) and sleep all day long. When will I feel like my normal self again after medication? It's not like I feeling terrible. I just can't think properly.\n\nHere are the medicines.\n1.Omeprazole 20 mg.\n2.Tolperisone 50 mg.\n3.Mobic 7.5 mg\n4.Baclofen 10 mg.\n\nI'm not an English speaker. I may make some grammar mistake (even more while I'm on medication).\n\nThank you very much.\n", "answer": "Most likely the baclofen, which is a CNS depressant (makes your brain less active) and fairly commonly makes people feel fatigued and sometimes sedated. You're on 3 different muscle relaxants and unless there's definite need for it you could discuss with your doctor decreasing or stopping the baclofen. It isn't something that should be stopped suddenly if you've been taking it for a long time.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "906zqq", "comment_id": "e2o7ild"}, {"question": "How do I motivate myself to keep losing weight?", "description": "I started at about 305 in February and I\u2019m at about 230 right now. I was doing okay but I really haven\u2019t lost any weight since the beginning of November, this is mainly due to me losing a lot of the motivation to keep losing weight. I always told myself that I\u2019d be attractive once I lost weight but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be true anymore, I just feel so disappointed and defeated that it\u2019s hard to convince myself to go to the gym or be super strict about counting my calories. \n\nI haven\u2019t gained any weight because I really don\u2019t want to go back to being that big but it just feels so pointless to keep trying when I\u2019m not going to be attractive when I\u2019m skinnier anyways. I don\u2019t know how to convince myself to lose the weight because it would be nice to be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, but I just can\u2019t find a reason to keep doing it. \n\nIll appreciate any advice you can Throw my way", "answer": "Check out r/loseit , they have a great community over there and I'm 100% sure you will find some people there who have been in similar situations.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8f3yv", "comment_id": "fabldwi"}, {"question": "Give me a reason not to drink today", "description": "Thank you all I didn't drink.", "answer": "Turn that question on yourself.\n\nI could give you 100 reasons not to drink, but ultimately none of them matter if you're reliant upon other people to maintain your sobriety (or to begin it; I don't know your situation). Odds are you know what will happen if you choose to go get drunk: what it will feel like before, during and after, the patterns that will begin and/or continue, etc. No one else can provide you with a reason as compelling as your own desire to improve the quality of your mental, physical and spritual health. If you're set on drinking, you're going to drink, and it won't matter what an anonymous internet stranger tells you.\n\nSo, again, turn that question on yourself. If you're being honest with yourself I bet you'll find plenty of reasons not to drink. You can find all the support in the world, people who will go to hell and back with you if you were serious about getting sober. But nobody can make the decision or do the work for you.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "224d9l", "comment_id": "cgj7tc3"}, {"question": "Sober for 7 years with a best friend in and out of recovery. NEED ADVICE", "description": "I\u2019m going to try and keep this as direct and to the point as possible but we have an immense amount of back history that pertains to this situation, so it will be difficult.\nBest friend since middle school. We both liked to party as teens and young adults and by our mid 20\u2019s we both became addicted to heroin. I had a short run, around 18 months. My friend has been going on and off for 9 years. Lost both her kids, brother overdosed and died last February. Father died unexpectedly in 2009, mother is an alcoholic. The girls been through it.\nWhen I did a stint back in 2013 and got paroled to a sober house about an hour away from my hometown I decided it was best to start over in a new area because \u201cpeople, places and things\u201d definitely hindered my sobriety. \nJump to 2018, my friend is struggling HARD. She is now suicidal and tells me she just wants to buy a bundle and end it all. That\u2019s when I jump in full force to \u201csave her\u201d \nWithin 48 hours she has moved in with me. We set the rules and make a plan for her recovery. You guys need to know that leading up to this she had already been to multiple rehabs. \nHer moving in with me was a last resort. \n\nSo, she moves in. She finally has a safe, warm and clean place to stay, with food in the fridge and anything she may need at her fingertips. We (husband and I) lay out our expectations; meetings, drug tests, contributions to the household (accountability) \nI helped her get a job right away and we agreed that I would monitor her income and store her money in a safe we had in the house and would essentially make sure she wasn\u2019t buying dope with her paycheck. All was well, she lived with us for 3 months. Once we all felt comfortable with her progress we found her a nice one bedroom apartment and at that point she had saved enough for the security deposit, first months rent and still had a sizable amount of money as a cushion. So we go and open up a bank account for her and within days she relapses. Fortunately, it was a quick relapse and she got back on track. It\u2019s been about 2 years now and since she\u2019s been in such close proximity to me I get to see her often and know when she\u2019s using and when she\u2019s not using. We have a very open relationship and she has always been honest with me (when I confront her) (stinger)\nI know there has been multiple relapses but she always owns it and gets back on track....\nToday was different. And this is where I need some help. I stopped by her apartment like I do all the time and her boyfriend (who has been in and out of her life for 4 years) walks outside and has marks on his arms and hands that were very clearly injection sites. \nMy friend is smart and was wearing long sleeves, cause I would have freaked out if I saw that on her and she knows I\u2019d call her out. \nSo friend walks to the front of the house to spray for ants (the reason I came over, to bring her some spray) and I ask her boyfriend about the marks on his arms (very nonchalant) like, \u201cdude, what happened to your arm?\u201d He then quickly says he had blood dawn and changes the subject. THESE WERE NOT MARKS LEFT BY GETTING BLOOD DRAWN. \nAs I continued our conversation I made a point of Discreetly checking out the rest of his body. His hands had the same marks. I know all about injection sites and I knew right away with the location of his marks and how they looked that there was no doubt in my mind he was using. I can only assume that my friend is also using.\nI\u2019m at a point where I feel I\u2019ve done everything I can do to help her in her recovery and to help her stay on track. \nIt pains me to know that no matter what I say or do she is going to continue to make her own choices and essentially continue to dig her own grave. I\u2019m beside myself. I don\u2019t have \u201cgirlfriends\u201d \nI grew up a tomboy and she really is my only true friend. \nI don\u2019t know how to interject at this point. \nI feel like I\u2019ve done everything I can possibly do to help her. It\u2019s so out of my hands. \nI reached out through text, essentially saying \u201cyeah, I know what\u2019s going on but I love you regardless\u201d \nBut, the big question is, how do I continue our relationship in a healthy way for us both? \nI wish I was in a position to put everything in my life on hold to make sure she doesn\u2019t relapse again but that isn\u2019t a reality. She\u2019s a big girl and I feel that at this point no matter what I say or do, she is going to do whatever she wants regardless of the support she has and the consequences that lie in her continuing to use. \nI don\u2019t know how to continue our relationship. Do I distance myself? Do I express myself honestly and in turn hurt our relationship? Do I allow the distance and spend who knows how long wondering how she\u2019s doing? \nI feel like I need to be easy with all this because I\u2019m so afraid she will shut me out and I won\u2019t know when she\u2019s struggling and she won\u2019t be comfortable reaching out to me. It\u2019s such a delicate situation. I\u2019m really at a crossroads. Any insight or advice would be great appreciated. Such a rant, thank you to all that made it this far.", "answer": "I would really encourage you to look into Al-Anon. If you Google \"detaching with love\" you will find an Al-Anon pamphlet that I think may speak to you. Just like there's no way to tell a person how exactly they should do their recovery from addiction, there's no way for any of us here to give you the exact perfect answer to the questions you posted. For example, \"should I be honest and hurt our relationship?\" ... Well, I don't know, is being dishonest protecting the relationship at the expense of hurting *you*? Is there a way to be honest that isn't hurtful? Is the point of life to always avoid being hurt at all costs? Only you can ultimately answer those and many more questions that I imagine are coming up about this relationship. I don't know what your direction should be, but I do believe in your ability to find it, and I encourage you to find support that will help you focus on *you*, and not just on your friend.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "gmf428", "comment_id": "fr3o09w"}, {"question": "Tips on Making proper eye contact?", "description": "Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this question, but I have trouble making eye contact with people. Where am I supposed to be looking exactly? Or HOW am I supposed to be looking? I have a tendency to just look at 1 eye, which isn't correct obviously.", "answer": "I wrote a quick [guide to eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) that might help you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "45n5bz", "comment_id": "czzbcxb"}, {"question": "I'm going to end it.", "description": "I think that I've finally come to a decision, it's too much, all this bullshit life has given me is hurt and despair, and I've done nothing to deserve it. It seems as though I am a mistake I've never had happiness, so I'm going to kill myself.", "answer": "Hey dude. I hope you dont! Its like 3 am here but if you need someone to talk to PM me", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "76anl4", "comment_id": "dock9zk"}, {"question": "I never thought I could see myself as anything but undesirable.", "description": "My whole life I have hated myself. Not just my body, but myself as a person. I was \"fat, ugly, unintelligent, unpopular, etc.\". Anything I could use as ammo against myself, you bet I was on it. I fed my body til I ballooned in weight, I replaced food with drugs and alcohol til I lost it, then I gained it back again. I took lighters and razors til my body til it was covered in scars, I tried to kill myself twice. I felt like scum, subhuman, and because that was the image I portrayed I attracted people who would only further that idea more. The thing that sticks out the most is being 16, and at what was just about my heaviest weight. I was dating a boy that I thought I was 100% in love with. Looking back now I see what a shitty person he was but at the time I took every awful thing he said to me to heart. He slept with another woman, a girl with a body that I would consider to be perfect..he had no reasons for me other than \" I wanted to see what it was like to be with a girl that was that hot.\" I stayed with him for another year. Why? Because I felt like I DESERVED what he did to me. And why not? I was \"fat and ugly\" after all. \nMy journey to healthy self image started with everything but my body, first I realized that I was pretty funny, then I figured mayyybe I was kind of smart. Its slow going but I'm seeing myself as a person for the first time. A woman with scars and stretch marks, big tits, big hips, and a soft ass. I'm not perfect, but I've got parts of me that are pretty damn good.\n\nhttp://m.imgur.com/a/BiNIP", "answer": "It's so true that we come to like ourselves by realizing our insides are pretty awesome. Once we get past that point, suddenly our bodies become pretty cool too.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "2498zh", "comment_id": "ch51djs"}, {"question": "Xanax withdrawal - hits like a freight train", "description": "Just want/need to talk to anyone who has gone through it, the symptoms I'm having are super weird and I'm not sure what's going on.", "answer": "Check YouTube. It can be really scary. Pain, nausea, depersonalization, fatigue, memory shit, loss of emotion, temp blindness, rash, constipation, diarrhea, the yips. YouTube benzo withdrawal and remember they aren't you. Get a Dr that knows what they are doing with it. Good luck and don't go back on them to get away from it because you've made it this far. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "643re8", "comment_id": "dfzck7y"}, {"question": "I'm a teenage girl with a great life and I want to kill myself.", "description": "I have a wonderful life. My family is exceptionally amazing and my friends are all really genuine and supportive. I've had self diagnosed OCD and anxiety disorders since I was really young, but those aren't the core reasons in me being suicidal. I honestly don't have any reasons.\n\nBasically the only reason I hate living is because I want to die. I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense, I'm just trying to type what I feel. If this receives any comments, they'll all be about how life is \"worth it\" because of the \"moonlit beaches\" and \"beautiful nature\" and whatever other motivational cliches you can think of. But the thing is that I'm aware that spending an evening on a moonlit beach with someone I love is supposed to make me happy, the problem is, it doesn't. And I can't figure out why. And I'm scared.", "answer": "Please look at [the post I just wrote](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/csrba/just_so_you_know_that_theres_a_good_chance_that/). Like you, I was a teenage girl with a great life (supportive family, caring friends, good grades, promising future) and was still depressed and suicidal. Now I'm neither depressed nor suicidal, and I'm grateful every day that I didn't kill myself a few years ago when it seemed like the only option.\nYou say your OCD and anxiety are self-diagnosed -- have you told anyone about your problems? It was painful and difficult for me to do that, but it's necessary. Please seek help.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "crg9x", "comment_id": "c0uyn73"}, {"question": "Why do I hold my breath when I cry?", "description": "Female, 28, Caucasian, non smoker, non drinker, 112lbs and 5ft5\n\nWhenever I am very upset I find I have been holding my breath and suddenly will take a gasp of air. \n\nIt\u2019s happened in front of other people too in which they\u2019ve told me to breath and rubbed my back. \n\nI don\u2019t realise it\u2019s happening initially and then a minute or so later I realise and breathe.\n\nWhat might cause this reaction? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "It is common in children, but less so in adults, to hold their breath when in distress. From your story I conclude this has always been the same for you when you cry since childhood? It may be a reflex that in development usually fades, called 'breath holding spell'. I don't think any testing or imaging will reveal why you do this, it's just the way it is for you.\n\nHere is a link to a description of breath holding spells in children:\n\n [http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php](http://www.drpaul.com/illnesses/breath-holding-spells.php) \n\nDo you ever faint when holding your breath?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b7q4yr", "comment_id": "ejtxr2t"}, {"question": "I can no longer afford to see a counselor for my depression", "description": "Last year my insurance was fantastic. I could go to any counselor in my network and I had zero copay. It was great. \n\nI just got a new job this year which I'm happy about but my insurance is terrible. They won't pay for any of my counseling sessions until I pay a $1500 deductible first. After that, they will only pay 50% of the counselor's fee. Seeing a counselor now would cost me $500 a month. That's more than my car payment. I just can't afford to see a therapist anymore. \n\nIs anybody else in the same boat? Any advice? \n\nThanks", "answer": "I am a therapist and sadly had the exact same thing happen to me. 2 options that I would recommend, first look around and see if you can find a therapist willing to work with you on a sliding scale. Usually small private practices will take your income into account and offer to see you for a certain amount of sessions at a lower rate before slowly increasing up to their usual rate. These therapists and/or agencies can be difficult to find but they're out there.\n\nAnother option is seeking out group therapy for depression. Group therapy is often used by people in your situation because it's generally much more affordable than individual therapy sessions. Some people even find it more helpful. \n\nBest of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "7yrnpt", "comment_id": "duio8oc"}, {"question": "Not sure if this is ok but really wanting advice", "description": "I\u2019m the wife of an alcoholic. We are currently going through what was a separation and now has turned into a divorce. I\u2019ve cried my eyes out. Begging him to get sober... and begging him to understand how I feel but it seems like he\u2019s just cold now. I\u2019m in shock. Like total shock. I don\u2019t know how to get through this. I\u2019m in Alanon and active on the Alanon Reddit. I\u2019m also in therapy. But If anyone who is on the other end and has sobriety under their belt has time to message. I think hearing the other perspective will help me. Right now I just feel discarded and thrown away by a man I gave my everything to ... who I thought was my best friend. Just so sad. Thanks for listening", "answer": "Step 1 - admitted that we are powerless over alcohol in all its forms. We're also powerless over other people, their actions and decisions. Speaking as a \"double winner\" as well, I feel like the insanity I experienced attempting to make the world and other people as I would have them be to be even more painful than the insanity I felt attempting to make alcohol and other substances work in the way I wanted. The good news is that there's a solution to this problem of trying to control the uncontrollable which starts in Step 2. Keep going to meetings and work with a sponsor, you can move through this.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "jtuvrn", "comment_id": "gc8h5rj"}, {"question": "Will Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) make my ADHD worse?", "description": "Hello,\n\nI just got Medikinet Adult(Ritalin) prescribed from my psychiatrists and while I was reading about the long term side effects I learned that your ADHD will get worse when you stop using your medication.\n\nCan someone confirm this? I am currently afraid of using it since my ADHD is already bad and if I at one point want to stop using it for some reason I dont want to have it even worse.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHere a snippet from an article:\n\n>They took 18 never medicated ADHD adults and did PET scans on them before and one year later. They compared the ADHD adults to 12 normal control subjects, also scanned at baseline and then a year later. The ADHD subjects treated with the drug showed a 24% average increase in dopamine transporters, while the control subjects showed no increase in transporters.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAge: 25\n\nHeight: 185cm\n\nWeight: 90kg\n\ngender: M\n\nmedications you take: None(YET!)\n\nsmoking status: Not smoking\n\nprevious and current medical issues: ADHD\n\nduration and location of complaint: My whole life\n\n \n\nThanks for any advice", "answer": "Getting information from Amen Clinics is not a good idea. Dr Daniel Amen is a notorious quack who uses un-validated methodology and bilks patients for thosuands.\n\nThat said, here's the original paper: [Long-Term Stimulant Treatment Affects Brain Dopamine Transporter Level in Patients with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0063023), and a more recent one one Ritalin specifically: [Chronic methylphenidate preferentially alters catecholamine protein targets in the parietal cortex and ventral striatum](https://www.scopus.com/record/display.uri?eid=2-s2.0-85060305958&origin=resultslist&sort=plf-f&cite=2-s2.0-84877766209&src=s&imp=t&sid=1572f788a679eac25d391f2dbb0325d6&sot=cite&sdt=a&sl=0&relpos=3&citeCnt=0&searchTerm=) \n\nBut compare another recent meta-analysis and review (though not in ADHD): [Effects of stimulant drug use on the dopaminergic system: A systematic review and meta-analysis of in vivo neuroimaging studies.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30981746) \n\nThe overall summary I would give is that the picture is complicated and the basic science not ready for making clinical decisions. What is abundantly clear from larger-scale data is that treatment of ADHD with stimulants like methylphenidate (Ritalin) improves outcomes on a wide variety of metrics.\n\nThe \"may get worse\" is very different from \"definitely gets worse, don't take Ritalin.\"", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bphyzk", "comment_id": "entcwc9"}, {"question": "[31/f] Is my husband's[30/m] relationship with his former student[f/18] something I should be concerned about?", "description": "My husband Davis and I are 30 and 31 respectively and have been together on and off for 15 years, married for 3. Despite having a very rocky relationship in our teenage years, we both grew up and managed to make it work, and I have never had a reason to distrust him in recent years. I've never had a doubt that he loves me unconditionally and would never intentionally hurt me. \n\nDavis is a high school teacher, and in general has very good relationships with his students. There is one girl, Shay, that he was a lot closer to than all the rest. Shay and my husband have very similar personalities, and they just clicked right away. Shay eventually ended up confiding in him about a lot of personal things that she was struggling with, including a verbally abusive mother, a father who abandoned her, and an eating disorder. These were all things that I myself had struggled with in high school, and Shay's life was actually shockingly similar to my own. Davis had helped me through all the same issues when we were teenagers, so he was able to support a lot and really help her in much the same way he helped me.\n\nAt the time, I thought it was wonderful that he was able to do this for Shay, because I know exactly how hard these types of issues are, and having Davis to support me was one of the only things that got me through them. Davis was very open about his relationship with Shay, and Shay is a very genuinely good person, so I never had any reason to worry. \n\nShay graduated last year, so I assumed that was more or less the end of her contact with Davis. I knew they would probably keep in touch, but I figured it would be pretty shallow communication. This morning, when I was leaving for work in a hurry, I accidentally grabbed Davis's phone instead of my own. I was just about to call him and let him know when a text from Shay popped up. My curiosity got the best of me and I read their messages. It seems they have been talking a lot lately, and their texts even date back to when Shay was still his student, which I was unaware of. \n\nShay is still struggling with a lot of stuff, which didn't surprise me at all, as I know first hand that these things don't just go away overnight. Some of their texts were of that nature, but some were just small talk and a lot of catching up. It seems they text almost daily, just keeping the other informed about what's going on in their life. \n\nI'm more than a little surprised and a little bit uncomfortable with the situation. Davis is offering Shay the same level of emotional support that he offers me, and it seems he is helping her deal with her issues in the same way he helps me. Initially, this did not bother me, but for some reason it now makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think either of them are aware that their relationship might not be appropriate, and they definitely are not being malicious in any way. However,when I think back to high school when Davis supported me through all my struggles, and I remember how close that made us, I can't help but worry it will do the same thing for their relationship. \n\nI haven't brought this up to Davis yet but I plan on doing so today. Before I do, I'd like to know if you think this is inappropriate or would be uncomfortable with the situation, or am I overreacting?", "answer": "I would be concerned. If nothing else, for the sake of appearances. I almost guarantee that this type of contact would have been grounds for sanctions when he was her teacher. What if his school found out? What if they decide this is a pattern of behavior? At the very least it sounds like he's crossing some boundaries in spirit, if not in practice. Is he really willing to risk his teaching license and career for this? What does that say about the value he places on your relationship if so, if he's willing to put his family's livelihood at stake?\n\nI would go to counseling with him to see what is up. Clearly there is something he is getting out of this relationship with her... Whether it's feeling needed/.wanted, hero worship, or..... Ahem... Something else. In any case, you need to have a long hard talk about it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1uhpw5", "comment_id": "ceiauhk"}, {"question": "I was never notified of positive Lyme disease results...", "description": "I know Lyme disease is a controversial topic, but please bear with me. \n\nI am a 24-year-old female living in the USA. I\u2019m 5\u201911 and 180 pounds. Non-smoker and no recreational drugs. Medications I take include my birth control and I currently taking doxycycline 2x/day. \n\nTo the story: \n\nI\u2019ve have some on going health problems over the past couple months \u2014 namely exhaustion, hair loss, orthostatic hypotension. I won\u2019t get into the details, but long story short, my PCP referred me to a cardiologist just to check things out. \n\nI had the appointment and they did a echocardiogram (normal) and a 24 hour Holter monitor (NSR, SB, ST, and SA) which was unremarkable. He also decided to order a few blood results, a CBC and Lyme panel \u201cjust for the hell of it\u201d. \n\nThe same day, I heard from my PCP that my CBC came back and I was anemic \u2014 she recommended taking OTC iron pills. No mention of the Lyme test, which I obviously knew hadn\u2019t resulted yet. The next day, I left on vacation for two weeks. Never received a phone call or message while away. \n\nWeeks later, I decided to pick up the test results, namely just wanting to see my CBC results. All of the labs drawn that day, including the Lyme disease results were printed and given to me. \n\n[RESULTS](https://imgur.com/a/1OZCesm)\n\nNow, I don\u2019t have a trained eye but these are very obviously positive. My antibodies were positive and it was automatically reflexes to a WB test, which was 1/2 positive. \n\nFollowing this, I called my PCP to ask her to review the results. She confirmed that I tested positive for Lyme disease and prescribed me 4 weeks of doxycycline 2x/day. She apologized for not catching it, which is completely *not* her fault. She said she would take measures to report this (near) miss. \n\nWhat actions will she likely take? Do I need to do anything? \n\nI get that things fall through the crack and I don\u2019t believe I have any notable symptoms \u2014 it\u2019s probably a red herring find, but wise to treat nonetheless. I know it\u2019s also reportable to the state health department...", "answer": "Lyme disease isn't controversial in itself. *Chronic* Lyme disease is, and it drowns out the straightforward diagnosis and treatment of the acute tick-borne infection.\n\nThere's nothing that you need to do. The case should be reported because Lyme disease infection rates are tracked, but that's not important to you personally. You've gotten appropriate treatment prescribed and will hopefully feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fimcbs", "comment_id": "fki2ygf"}, {"question": "Psych meds and (possible) nicotine poisoning?", "description": "18\n\nMale\n\n5\u20198\u201d\n\n120lbs ish\n\nCaucasian (mixed euro and indo)\n\nCanada, eyes and heart\n\nMental disorders\n\n5mg Valium twice daily, 100mg Gabapentin twice daily, 10mg Dexedrine XR each morning, 30mg Mirtazapine nightly, medical cannabis and nicotine via vaping \u2014 throughout the day\n\n**So,** I\u2019ve been mixing my own vape juice and late last night I spilled a bunch all over my hands, not wearing gloves like an idiot. Couldn\u2019t sleep, was sweating nonstop, nauseated, salivating, sore eyes, the whole shebang\n\nToday was okay until I vaped. Fast heart rate, euphoria, profuse sweating, and anxiety instantly hit me. Shortly followed by pounding heart, dysphoria, hypertension, hyperreflexia, burning eyes, restless sitting, slight abdominal discomfort and slightly blurred vision. Persisted for ~8 hours and here I am at midnight with no family doctor and my psychiatrist is on vacation\n\nI\u2019m scared to take my medication, I want to know what information I can get (digging will take centuries to even speculate). I\u2019m not asking what to do I\u2019m not tryna break rules like that, I want to know if this seems unsafe from your perspective\n\nI\u2019m going to rather stay up until I can see my doctor or I\u2019m going to emergency ASAP\n\nEdit: I was initially scared to have a seizure but I haven\u2019t really twitched much. Now I\u2019m scared of cardiovascular problems (been to the hospital for ~~anxiety~~ SVT-like symptoms under the influence of a stimulant and because my mom has a heart condition) and CNS depression; I don\u2019t want to have to vape to stay up. Maybe I\u2019ll end up passing out and this thread will have 0 comments and turns out I was safe the whole time", "answer": "Have you told your parents? Do you live with (on of) them?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bczxnu", "comment_id": "ekuwabm"}, {"question": "I feel like an alien in a human suit", "description": "I have Adhd and people constantly treat me like a child. They think I have low intelligence because I constantly zone in and out and dont catch what theyre saying. It happens all the time. Another example, we were on this trivia app the other day and I wasnt getting answers correct. They blatantly said \u201cI wanna see her take an IQ test haha\u201d or \u201cI bet if you took an IQ test, the score would be higher than we all think it is.\u201d Im so sick of it. I can\u2019t sit still all the time, like when were watching a movie on the couch. She asked me to stop moving but I subconsciously do it anyways. One of my friends said to me \u201ci\u2019m gonna sit on the floor because you\u2019re moving too much and its annoying me.\u201d I live in a dorm with these people so I can\u2019t just move out and stop being friends. I feel like a second class citizen in my friend group. It makes me feel really bad about myself; like some sort of alien in a human suit. ", "answer": "I\u2019m really sorry you\u2019re struggling with this. Have you shared with your roommates that you have ADHD? I know that might feel really vulnerable to share with people who have already been shitty to you, but given that you live together, it seems like them not knowing what is going with you may be doing more damage. They need to understand that you\u2019re struggling and that the way they\u2019re treating you is adding to your struggle. Likewise, you need to make sure that you\u2019re doing everything you can to manage your symptoms, for yourself first and foremost, but also because your roommates need to be able to live with you. I don\u2019t mean that to sound harsh. But I think we do, to a point, owe the people who spend the most time with us our best effort in managing our symptoms, since those people are impacted by our symptoms too. Yours sound like they\u2019re really hard for you to manage and are negatively impacting you. So I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re receiving treatment of some sort right now? If you are, do you need to try something else? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9x5zjf", "comment_id": "e9py5q5"}, {"question": "[Me: 27M] Breaking up with someone [23F] part 2", "description": "I was dating someone for ~3.5 months or so but we haven't seen each other in a month -- I mad a previous blog about this, so long story short we were casually dating, she asked \"where do you see us going,\" and I was upfront and said I didn't foresee anything serious and I only wanted to date casually. We took a break from talking because I had law school exams/Thanksgiving/job; and in that time I decided that I didn't want to continue the relationship for various reasons.\n\n\n\n\n\nIt was advised to me here that I tell her that I didn't want to continue seeing her in person rather than through text or something. After my finals I texted her asking how she's been doing, saying that I'm done with my stuff and so on... and she replied once with something casual like \"same old same old... I've been bored.\" And I replied to this text with a question asking if her job had been any better and so on. She hasn't replied to that (been about a week). \n\n\n\n**SO here's my question:** She hasn't replied to my attempt at a conversation -- should I still try to \"officially\" break up with her in person, or at this point is it pretty much established by both of us? On the one hand - I do feel like after seeing someone for ~3.5 months, she deserves something and I wouldn't want her to feel like I just ditched her; but on the other hand, at this point I feel like it may cause even more problems if I try to re-establish a conversation with her for essentially the sole purpose of meeting up to break up with her officially. Should I just let it be? Or alternatively, should I just send her a text and say something like: \"hey I haven't heard back from you, is it safe to assume that we both are happy moving our separate ways?\" or something like that? Part of me feels like getting official closure is nice, but part of me feels like if she was attached to me (which I think she was), it may be better to just leave things this way rather than potentially hurt her feelings more?\n\n\n\n\nAny advice would be appreciated !! \n\n\n\n\nFYI: previous blog here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/5hcm76/me_27m_am_confused_about_how_to_break_up_with_a/ ", "answer": "you're right to want face-face closure, but if she won't do that you have no choice but to write it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc1zg", "comment_id": "dbmwptg"}, {"question": "5 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand", "description": "1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you\u2019ll ever have.\n\n2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)\n\n3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.\n\n4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.\n\n5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you\u2019re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?", "answer": ">Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of. \n \nI booked a solo vacation, 2 weeks in Thailand. Laid on the beach, rode a rented bicycle. First week I was at a ritzy hotel with a jacuzzi in my room... just .... jacuzz'd.... all day with my audiobook. Free kayaks to borrow, kayaked over to a different beach with no people, laid out my towel and listened to podcasts....\n\nWhen I felt like socializing I booked a day-tour snorkeling and made friends with any other singles on it, or the tour guide. Or a sweet couple from Brazil. Or one from China.... India... It was great controlling my socialization so completely.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2vb6et", "comment_id": "cogpj11"}, {"question": "How to deal with post-facts, gaslighting, conspiracy theories?", "description": "I'm having a negative knee-jerk reaction whenever I see an article or post related to political, ideological, or informational shenanigans. Although it's healthy to have skepticism, I'm not mentally prepared to interact with these topics in person or with the people who have these ideas or thought processes. How should I go about thinking about these things or treating people? Also, as someone who tends to interpret things literally due to having mild autism, is it better to learn how to deal with this or to remove myself from this?", "answer": "Some people are really interested in discussing politics. Some people aren't. Some people absolutely hate talking about politics. There's nothing wrong with being either one. If it's not for you, just excuse yourself from conversations or ask to change the subject. \n\n\nAs to the last question, that's entirely up to you. It takes a lot of work to desensitize yourself to the things that trigger your anxiety. Is the benefits of not having that knee-jerk reaction worth the amount of work it's going to take? If so, then by all means, put the work in. If not, then it's entirely fine if you choose to remove yourself from these kind of conversations.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bb4t05", "comment_id": "ekhamy3"}, {"question": "[17M] I've never had a relationship out of shyness", "description": "I'm extremely shy when it comes to relationships. I've never had a girlfriend once in my life. I've tried very few times, but most of those times I didn't advance beyond talking on Snapchat (the \"wyd\" snaps). I've never been on a date with a girl. I haven't even held hands with a girl, let alone have a first kiss.\n\nI've been told that a few girls had interest in me, but I was too scared to take action. I have no clue what to say to a girl that is interested in me or that I like. I've had a few text me that say that they are interested in me, but I declined because they aren't my type (my standards aren't that high).\n\nI've felt I missed out a lot on my teenage years by not having any romantic experiences. It feels weird looking at Instagram or Snapchat and seeing tons of couples together. Any help for making my last two years of HS better?", "answer": "Social media is a complete mindfuck for your generation. I\u2019m sorry you have to deal with it but also so happy I grew up in the generation where it was just coming into being when I was in late high school early college.\n\n\n\nThe reality is that a ton of people around your age are exactly like you. People try so hard to put up a positive image/facade on social media it\u2019s easy to start believing everyone else\u2019s lives are great while yours sucks. In reality, more people than not are in the same boat as you.\n\n\nYou\u2019ll face your fears when you\u2019re ready. That\u2019s really what it\u2019s all about too. When you want it bad enough, you\u2019ll say \u201cfuck it. It\u2019s going to be terrifying, possibly embarrassing, but I\u2019m just gonna go for it.\u201d You\u2019ll have lots of high highs and very low lows, but you\u2019ll learn and get better at dealing with it.\n\n\n\nAs far as straight up practical advice. Don\u2019t try for a \u201crelationship\u201d. No real relationship starts out by someone saying \u201chey do you want to be my girlfriend?\u201d The way most kids in school think and try to do. If you\u2019re in to someone, even if they might not be your dream partner, just ask them if they want to hang out and do something fun. That\u2019s a date. If you hit it off, do it some more, and it might lead to a relationship, if not, move on and try with someone else.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "93vpl5", "comment_id": "e3gdl8p"}, {"question": "Mental health research paper focused on illicit drug use", "description": "I am currently writing a research paper on whether specific mental illnesses can have a determining effect on which type of illicit drugs people are likely to abuse in order to try and gain a better understanding of both mental health and substance abuse. I am almost done and not looking for anyone to do my work for me, but I am interested in what you all think in regards to the study. ", "answer": "Im an addiction psychiatrist.\n\nBasically theres no correlation to the best of my knowledge - its more about availability of drugs in the local area. Ultimately people tend to seek alleviation of distress through whatever means possible rather than shopping for specific substances. There may be subtle differences between the various mental disorders, but id be surprised if its statistically significant. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "786s9h", "comment_id": "dorzzms"}, {"question": "Did my gf have a seizure, if so what caused it?", "description": "Girlfriend is 32, female, about 5'3,168lb, Caucasion.\n\nEarlier today tried to drink something but couldn't swallow it (she described it as a lump in her throat was blocking the Pepsi) and within seconds she said she fainted. I walked in just as I heard her coughing to find her on the floor. She was making a horrific choking and gurgling sound as she was spitting and drooling and little foamy, her eyes were open but just staring blankly at the ceiling and her entire body was shaking from her muscles being tense. I tried to turn her in case she was sick but she was so rigid I couldn't. By this time I'd called 999 (I'm in the UK) and after about a minute her long sort of rasping exhale ended and she stopped breathing and started turning bright red and purple. Then suddenly she went completely limp and started to breathe again. After about 3 minutes in total she sat up by herself and over the next hour (now accompanied by paramedics) she vomited 3 times but each time it was mostly just clear mucus.\n\nShe's taking an anti-depressant called fluoxetine I think a 20mg dose a day, but after a family bereavement she's (understandably) not coping well and she started taking 2 a day bring her to 40mg (I think) over the last couple of days - the dose she was originally on before her doctor said she could lower it if she felt she wanted to towards end of last year.\n\nAnyways, her ecg, blood pressure and whatever other tests they did came back normal. They couldn't give an exact answer to why this happened other than a boiling over of stress and anxiety, her menstral cycle and a change in meds.\n\nI don't want to doubt the professionals but watching this was one of the most upsetting things I've experienced and wanted more answers! The paramedics were also vague on labelling what happened, they just kept saying that it might've been a fit or just fainting but this seems a bit more exteme than fainting.\n\nEdit - said she was drinking water but it was actually Pepsi. Also she has no memory other than the difficulty in swallowing and then being sat upright on the floor after the whole episode.", "answer": "On balance, id probably agree with the docs that saw your gf. I'm not wholly convinced that this was a tonic-clonic seizure - onset and recover seem pretty abrupt. I'm also not convinced that this was due to low blood pressure. I guess the best way to describe it is that it was a pseudoseizure.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6qe0lj", "comment_id": "dkx7qwq"}, {"question": "How should a therapist respond to your diagnosis questions ?", "description": "Today I brought up the possibility of me being bipolar and only feeling good because I'm manic. I'm not displaying symptoms of classic mania but I'm just concerned that me no longer feeling suicidal and depressed is not because I'm getting better happier and healthier while sober but because I'm manic. \n\nThis concern stems becayse of a diagnosis - rather quickly after 5 mins - I got at 19. \n\nI've had depressive episodes in my life but they usually were becayse of bad relationships or toxic jobs. \n\nAnyways how should a therapist approach a concern from a client about a certain illness or disorder ? She said she didn't think I had it.\n\nWould she be able to tell after 5 sessions if I was?\n\nShould she have asked more questions as to why I think that ?", "answer": "For many of us (therapists), we don't really put too much stock in diagnosis in general. There have been many studies that show diagnosis overall is not very accurate and consistent between clinicians. On top of that, diagnoses are not diseases in the way many people think. Generally, they're patterns of symptoms or behaviors that when lumped together, someone can apply a label to, but don't really speak to the person as an individual or what their specific experiences are. \n\n\nIf you and your therapist are someone who puts a lot of importance on diagnosis, I would say your therapist who has seen you for 5 sessions can give a much more accurate impression of what you would be diagnosed with than what you got after a 5 minute psych eval/intake? \n\n\nFrom my own personal experience, it's pretty rare that folks who do internet dives and research certain diagnoses are correct in diagnosing themselves (this includes me when I thought I had Bipolar while in college). The diagnosis I was given when I went for treatment much more accurately described my experience than what I thought, though once again, not very important in the grand scheme of things as far as my learning to cope with and/or overcome my symptoms.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cqynhu", "comment_id": "ex2dzvf"}, {"question": "Boyfriend has really high heart rate sometimes", "description": "Today my boyfriend sent me screenshots of his heartrate while having one of these episodes, and the highest was 166 bpm. I know maybe a smartphone is not the most accurate, but this is really worrying us. He has no health insurance, and we're in America, so... \nHe's had his heart tested before, but they never found anything abnormal at the time. \nHe is 29 yo, 6' 4\" and about 135 lbs, and takes escitalopram for anxiety.\n\nEdit: Not sure if I got his weight right. I think it's more like 165lbs. He is quite tall and slim though.", "answer": "Exercise should raise heart rate. Anxiety can as well; while anxiety isn't itself abnormal, anxiety out of nowhere and over nothing is treatable. The elevated heart rate of anxiety isn't pathological or harmful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fjvtj9", "comment_id": "fkpm8mi"}, {"question": "This comic understands.", "description": "[Saw this online and felt the same way.](http://imgur.com/2nHPcKw)", "answer": "Wow, I felt exactly like that the other day when I had to go meet with my recruiter, who is trying to help me find a job. I had to dress up and do my little song and dance to come across like a normal person who will fit in perfectly in the corporate world. I pulled it off, but I felt like a fraud. Good thing they couldn't see the state of my house or how I spend much of my time curled into a fetal position on the couch with my dogs and cats.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17c0w4", "comment_id": "c844y4w"}, {"question": "My mom locked me in the car because a black family parked next to us.", "description": "We parked at a gas station and my parents wanted to grab a coffee. I didn\u2019t want to go with them to continue watching my show in the car. They never lock me in case i want to open the door to get fresh air or whatever, but this time my mom locked the door. I looked at her with a confused expression, and she pointed over to the car next to us where a black family with two kids had just parked. The mom was white and went to the cafe with her kids and the black dad stayed at the car looking at his phone like any normal person. I looked at my mom again and I couldn\u2019t shut my mouth again. I was speechless.\n\nI don\u2019t know where this belongs to but it makes me so upset how hateful my mom can be against people who look different or come from a different country. They were doing nothing wrong. Nothing. ", "answer": "I'm dealing with this too. My dad forwarded me a horribly racist email and now we're fighting about it. It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "97a7mb", "comment_id": "e4706vr"}, {"question": "My own OB won\u2019t doesn\u2019t want to examine me, she just tells me to NOT have sex because I am \u2018young\u2019", "description": "Hey guys, but I really need your thoughts/opinions on what I'm experiencing rn\n\nSo about 3 months ago, I got my wisdom tooth removed and was prescribed antibiotics. Fast forward for about a week later, i felt an extreme burning feeling /pain down there so I went to the doctor. She gave me medications (I took them though those weren't antifungals, she just gave me another set of antibiotics) the pain subsided and I thought I was okay after a couple of weeks so yes, i tried having sex. It was so bad that he couldn't even put the tip in. Anyways , I decided to move to another doctor as the first one didn't believed it was caused by antibiotics.\n\nUpon moving to the second doctor, I told her my experience. She prescribed me a fluconazole to take for 9 days. She told me to just continue it for about 2-3 weeks. So a week after my medications were done, i thought I was already okay. I did try to have sex, but again, it felt so painful we couldn't even push it in. This sounds so embarrassing but I don't know who to ask on what to do, because my own doctor just told me \"to NOT have sex because you're still young\". That wasn't even my point. I can avoid having sex for as long as she wants but what if it still hurts the next time I try? I didn't need her judgement, i needed to know what was going on inside my body, and how I could properly heal. She didn't even want to examine me. Am I wrong? I don't know what to think anymore. It's so expensive in my place to even see a doctor.\n\nIn case you are wondering what my age is, I am 21 years old and me and my partner are clean and hygenic. He was the first one I have ever had sex with and it is the same for him. I don't want to self medicate but I am not seeing much improvements to the fluconazole the was prescribed to drink once every three days to me. Are there other ways that I could do that might help?", "answer": "Whether or not you should be having sex, which is really not up to your doctor when you're an adult, refusing to do an exam when there may be a problem sounds negligent. I'm not a gyn, but even prescribing without actually doing some verification of what's being treated sounds iffy.\n\nSo I agree with the chorus telling you to find a new doctor, but I'm adding a few more reasons to it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "decrla", "comment_id": "f2vv6rn"}, {"question": "I\u2019m afraid that I don\u2019t have ADHD", "description": "If I don\u2019t have this disorder, then I\u2019m afraid I am just mentally deficient in some way I\u2019ll never really know and I will never actually feel that my struggles are valid. \n\nMy chronically depression addled brain and low self esteem leads me to believe I\u2019m just plain dumb. I never did very well in school. Barely graduated high school and had pretty consistently low grades up until college, when I managed something like a 3.6 gpa (majored in illustration, so just generals and art classes.) \nI continue to struggle just being able to focus and process/retain information. I feel mentally slow a lot of the time.\n\nI have been \u201ctested\u201d using that simple short questionnaire. It was suspected that I \u201cmay\u201d have ADHD inattentive type. I was on strattera years ago. I believe I was prescribed this after having this urine test done that showed what brain..chemicals I was deficient in? It might have been dopamine? I\u2019m not even sure. I don\u2019t even remember why I went off it or how well it worked. I\u2019m guessing not that well if I decided to go off it. My long term memory is kind of terrible. \n\nAnyway, I have been prescribed Ritalin XR (and adderall XR, both for short periods. I gave up on both because I didn\u2019t feel any noticeable change, except for some depressive episodes that seemed worse than usual. But then, I haven\u2019t been on any adhd meds for a few weeks and had another episode (it\u2019s always after work that I really crash) so...I just don\u2019t know. Looking into it, I have a lot of the symptoms but not all so it makes me think maybe I don\u2019t quite fit the diagnosis?\n\nI don\u2019t know if there\u2019s some ADHD specialist I need to see before I\u2019m convinced that I even have this or not but I\u2019m in a low place right now and just wanted to get this off my chest. Kind of hoping I could get some feedback, too. ", "answer": "If you read through this sub, you\u2019ll see so many posts of people talking about this very thing. This is so, so common, I am finding. I\u2019m recently diagnosed and have found myself questioning the diagnosis sometimes too. \n\nFor me, ADHD makes it hard for me to trust my own knowledge, experience, and mind. And that can then feed into questioning if I really have ADHD or if I actually just suck. Are you working with a therapist? Mine has told me that this is a major task for us to be working on together: the development of self-trust. Maybe thinking about self-trust could be useful for you too, in terms of being able to trust yourself that you are being honest with yourself about your experience and that you aren\u2019t just making it up. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aa23pp", "comment_id": "ecof58w"}, {"question": "Fighting a losing battle", "description": "Hey, r/SW. I'm between a rock and a hard place and need a third person perspective. I've been dealing a very aggressive form of schizophrenia for the last couple years with what I would call little success. I've been having abhorrent thoughts of ritualized mutilation towards myself and loved ones, something that almost ended in my son's death last time. I'm scared of losing myself, a fear that most of my doctors have done little to dissuade me of. It's like standing on a cliff facing and having to watch in paralyzing fear as it starts to crumble away. Needless to say, I've been questioning if suicide is the answer, to prevent harm to my family and to prevent a complete delusion from taking hold.\n\nTo be honest, I have ready access to a firearm, but I'm loathe to try right now out of concern of someone waking up and intervening. I'm more or less just waiting until evidence starts shoring up that things will improve, or an opportunity to acts arises.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSchizophrenia is a hard diagnosis to deal with: there is so much going on all of the time that you often feel like you lose yourself in all of it. Especially with the more aggressive forms of it. I totally get when you say that you are scared of losing yourself, and that you are \"standing on a cliff facing\" and \"having to watch in paralyzing fear\" as it progresses. You really speak for a lot of people suffering from Schizophrenia there.\n\nSuicidality is common among people suffering with schizophrenia, and I don't blame them one bit. It feels like your senses are hijacked, and you don't know who you are anymore. I'm so happy for you that you have some hesitations about that, however small it is. It shows your strength and courage!\n\nNow, you say that you need a third person perspective, but you don't exactly specify a question. So, I'm going to assume that you are looking for general ideas about how to go about dealing with the progression of symptoms.\n\n1. Get everything that you could possibly use out of your reach. Your loved ones will be helpful here. The sobering reality is that with unchecked schizophrenia you will, at times, have no control. Putting yourself in an environment full of potentially dangerous objects is both hazardous to you and to anyone around you. Get some peace of mind by starting there.\n\n2. You see I presume a psychiatrist. Make sure that your med regiment is up to date, and that you are taking proper dosages at proper times of the day. Medication management is SUPER important with schizophrenia, especially at the beginning. \n\n3. Do you see a regular counselor? Lots of people think that counseling can't help schizophrenics. In reality, it offers them a great place to discuss and express their experiences in dealing with schizophrenia. Many people who see a therapist they trust (especially one with experience in dealing with schizophrenia) often times reality test a lot better, and have an easier time differentiating reality from their hallucinations/delusions.\n\n4. Make sure you are taking time for yourself, too. Often times, people experiencing schizophrenia report worse symptoms after having little sleep. Make sure you are eating properly, drinking water, and exercising. Also be sure your diet doesn't interfere with your medication regiment.\n\nSchizophrenia is a long journey, but with the proper environment, you can really give yourself a leg up in the struggle. Best of luck to you. :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "527p11", "comment_id": "d7idl90"}, {"question": "Should I approach him", "description": "Ok so there is a boy I think is cute. I want to approach him but I'm scared because it's like he only prefers girls a certain way because on his Instagram the girls he follow looks a specific certain way. I'm scared to approach him because I feel like he will just deny on me. ", "answer": "just be you. that's all you can be. if he doesn't like you he's the wrong guy for YOU. there's a million thrat will love and appreciate you for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ko78r", "comment_id": "dbpdzjf"}, {"question": "Is my boyfriend just dependent on me or am I too high maintenance?", "description": "First off, we've been together for 3 years. \n\nI provide more financially, and help take care of his other two kids. I do a majority of the cooking and cleaning. I don't feel like he really tries in this relationship, and rather is in it only because he truly needs me in a codependent way. \n\nHe never compliments me, and only says thank you for things because I told him it bothered me that he didn't. Doesn't say I love you unless I say it first. Doesn't show affection unless it's a precursor to sex. I try to do thoughtful things for him frequently and don't get it back from him. I am so overly stressed and unhappy that I feel Im running on empty. We have talked about this so many times and things get better for a week then he stops trying again. I feel it means we are incompatible. Or maybe I'm too high maintenance for wanting those things. \n\n", "answer": "he's not giving you what you need. no such thing as too this or too that. it's all about being compatible with your respective needs and wants", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oepec", "comment_id": "dcisy69"}, {"question": "Mixed signals from my crush.", "description": "So basically I've been friends with this guy for three years now. We sometimes will have sex sometimes we won't. (Would say it's like fuck buddies but it's more than that.). Anyway, he lives three hours away so it's hard to make anything work, and we've decided to just see what happens and not rush into anything.\n\nI mailed him some weed brownies , and he FaceTime called me to thank me. He told me when he would be back in town, we talked for a little bit and that was all. Pretty casual, which is pretty usual for our \"relationship\". (Which is completely fine because that's what we agreed upon. Until he lives closer we just don't see it working. We both don't want to do long distance.)\n\nToday he posted a Snapchat of a screenshot of a text to his mom and it said this. \"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you. You're the only woman I need!\"\n\nLike... am I a piece of baloney? I'm assuming he's just being a stupid boy and not thinking about it, but still. It just hurt a little. Am I being too sensitive and over reacting?", "answer": "he doesn't see you as special or a girlfriend, so you might have a decision to make.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u3czf", "comment_id": "ddr0vnp"}, {"question": "I've never been in a relationship and I'm in my late 20s. Going to a sex club is far less terrifying than going out for coffee, 1-on-1. How can I change this?", "description": "I haven't been in a relationship because I feel like I need to become a better person before I can commit. I've passed on partners because I've always felt that in the end, they're better off without me.\n\nAnonymous one night stands are far easier for me. It scares me more that a person would find me \"boring and uninteresting\" in the head than not being physically attracted to me.\n\nI'm at a point in my life where I feel incredibly depressed, due to lack of progress in my education and mental state and I'm wondering if it's still possible for me to be in a relationship despite 'not loving myself' or feeling incomplete, because I feel like this is how I always will be.", "answer": "The question \"Is life worth living\" is a religious question. The answer a person gives, if detailed enough ,will disclose their core beliefs. People are free to choose what they believe and if you do not feel free to choose these core beliefs, you are not free. I suggest that you need to work yourself free from certain beliefs that you hold but in fact hold you. Once you examine them in detail you will be free to discard them and adopt better, more beautiful and functional beliefs.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "39y6lg", "comment_id": "cs8a4zi"}, {"question": "I let ptsd get the better of me and ruin my relationship", "description": "Been close to a year with a genuinely sweet man but I couldn't keep my symptoms in check he deserves better.\n\nI've struggled with drinking and medication side effects for a while but I got triggered going on holiday with him 2 months ago as he was also stressed he made comments about my past I lashed out and hit him. His words cut so deep but that's no excuse. \n\nThis past week I've been triggered and foolishly drank, met him in the midst of being drunk and was upset he earlier checked out another woman and I bit him later that evening. Saw him last night and he hinted he doesn't love me anymore, I totally understand I wouldn't either, I feel so guilty. I can't even see a therapist as I'm on the waiting list. This will be a lifelong struggle, I just wanted to vent my shame and guilt ", "answer": "I'm sorry you're in such a struggle right now. There's a mental health text line which may be of help to you until you can get off the waiting list for a therapist.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/). \n\nIf you absolutely need to speak with someone in person, most spiritual leaders will accept appointments to listen to the problems of the members of their spiritual community. If you're not part of a faith community, they will sometimes meet with people outside of the community so it's worth making a couple of phone calls mid-week to see if there's someone who will meet with you. Also, if you're near a college or university they may have crisis walk-in services for non-students at their counseling center, so that's also worth a phone call. And as a last resort, the national suicide hotline is available 24 hours a day. People call for all sorts of reasons, not just because they're suicidal. The volunteers are trained to assist anyone in an emotional crisis - they're not going to hang up on you just because you're not suicidal right now. So if you need to talk to a person and aren't having luck anywhere else, you can call the hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.\n\nAs you're working through issues with shame and guilt, I highly recommend Brene Brown's books (I have no association with her, I just love her writing and research). You can find them at many libraries and book stores and in a number of the library affiliated audiobook apps. \n\nSince your instances of violence followed episodes of drinking, and you say about the second on that you were \"foolishly drinking\" I get the feeling that you may be thinking about limiting or abstaining from alcohol might be helpful while you're working on your mental health issues. If I'm on the right page, I always recommend AA. I've found the AA community to be really awesome and welcoming. They've got groups of all sorts of age ranges and even for specific niche groups (Moms over 40, Retired Men, Veterans, Students, Bibliophiles, etc. I've seen some really cool niche groups in different places). Even if you don't identify as an alcoholic, they can be a supportive group to help you with your goals related to alcohol while you're in treatment with a therapist for your mental health issues. \n\nWherever you find it, I hope you find some support until you can get off the wait list to actually begin therapy. Good luck!", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "95lcwq", "comment_id": "e3u3is6"}, {"question": "Anxiety going to girlfriend's house", "description": "I'm a 20 year old guy, and my girlfriend is 20 as well. We've been together for approximately two years. We both live with our parents. From the first time we started being together, we've almost always been at my place when we had to see each other. She had some issues with her stepdad so she told me that she would rather be at my place - besides, she's the only one of us who have their own car. Of course we've been at her place as well, but through these two years it has been less than 10 times. \nI've always known i have some social anxiety, but nothing that I've ever had a serious talk about. Lately the thought of us being at her place has given me serious anxiety - suddenly sweating, heart pounding, dizziness, funny stomach and so on, and I'm not sure why. \n\nIt is especially the thought of eating dinner with her family that makes me anxious!? I just imagine me sitting there sweating and with no appetite. I have this weird imagination that i'm the absolute center of their attention.\n\nThis anxiety is driving me crazy since i'll have to go there sooner or later. \n\n\nI apologize if I left out any important details, please ask if I have to clarify anything!", "answer": "I'm wondering how much of this is related to the stepdad . If your girlfriend shared that he was somehow abusive or makes her uncomfortable , that may be related .\n\nWhat do you think ?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fnqn9l", "comment_id": "flc9dcu"}, {"question": "Is it weird that I like starving myself?", "description": "Okay I would just like to premise that I\u2019m not anorexic and have never been, though I suppose this post might be triggering for people with eds.\n\nBasically my mom is doing this candida diet thingy and I figured I might as well do it with her. I\u2019ve basically only been eating one or two light salads a day this whole week. Right now it\u2019s been 22ish hours since I\u2019ve eaten and I love how it feels? Like I\u2019m kinda spacey and am having trouble reading books but I can read fine on my phone. And I just feel so light and stuff. The one other time I can remember I didn\u2019t eat for a while, I hadn\u2019t eaten or drank for 24 hours and almost passed out and I kind of liked the way that felt too? I know it\u2019s unhealthy but I feel so proud of myself for not eating, I\u2019ve never felt this way before. \n\nMy heart is racing and I sat down a while ago and my legs went immediately numb so I realize I should probably eat soon but should I like talk to my therapist about this? I think the reason why I like it is because I have very little willpower and I feel like I\u2019m succeeding at something right now. I kind of feel like that always when I\u2019m hungry and then feel like I\u2019ve failed myself when I eat, but I still eat a healthy amount usually", "answer": "I second talking to your therapist about it. While you may not technically have an eating disorder now, this is the type of behavior that might put you at risk of problems over the long-term.\n\nI don't know your whole story, but I wonder if you're searching for ways to feel \"in control\" in your life, and that's why it's satisfying to you? \n\nEating shouldn't feel like a failure, eating should be a way to take care of your body and yourself. I would explore with your therapist why eating might be associated with bad feelings for you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "h130fx", "comment_id": "ftpp9mz"}, {"question": "I don't know what to do now...", "description": "So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little under a year now and everything has been going smoothly. We live in Florida so I've sparred no expense building memories and experiences together. Theme parks, Orlando eye, aquariums, nature preserves, and countless other things. So now we get to the reason why I need advice. In our D&D play group we have 7 people including myself (the DM) all of which are good friends of mine, but recently I've started to notice something off. One of my closer friends has been seeming to take a bigger interest in my girlfriend. It started off small at first, jokes, winks, ect. But over the past few weeks I can't help but notice something between them. It used to be then when my girlfriend and I would go out to a theme park she would ask me to keep her phone in my pocket while we walked around and rode rides. But the last time we went out she was glued to it both at the park and on the way home. Being the slightly roguish person I am, I saw his face on the messenger icon out of the corner of my eye. When we got back to her house she kinda kept her distance emotionally and physically. This all took place on Saturday, and ever since Tuesday she's stopped texting me completely, hasn't even opened my messages, last night at our D&D session the only time she spoke to me was when she was asking to do something in the campaign, didn't say hello or goodbye, but all night she was texting my friend, both of them smiling and giggling the entire night. On my way home I sent her a lengthy text apologizing if I had done anything wrong or had upset her in any way, but still no reply. The thing that worries me the most is that my friend has done this before to another person, and it tore their friend group apart. I don't want to see that happen to us. Ive been cheated on before, and I've had girls tell me I would never be good enough, but she seemed genuinely different. Ever fiber of my being wants to trust her, that she wouldn't do something like this to me, and I hate myself for thinking she would. I just don't know what to do now...", "answer": "You need to see her in person and talk about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ems0s", "comment_id": "dibes6a"}, {"question": "Why have no (no painkiller) treatments yet been developed for permanent nerve damage, which is one of the most painful ailments we can suffer?", "description": "Before you answer, I want you to look at this Times newspaper article about a motorcyclist who resorted to chopping his own arm off with a guillotine due to the immense pain from nerve damage after a motorcycle accident.\n\n[https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb](https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/man-chops-off-his-hand-with-homemade-guillotine-3l0cfmqqphb)\n\nWhy aren't there treatments for this eighteen years into the 21st century? I have two family members with nerve damage and it is awful for them. Just prescribing painkillers is not solving the problem, in fact it's causing other problems like addiction.", "answer": "Why don't we have a cure for cancer? Or the common cold?\n\nThis is something that I'm sure is studied and worked on, but there is no one, obvious solution that we've stumbled on. Medical science is not obvious and not quick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8v2104", "comment_id": "e1jxjru"}, {"question": "[34][male] How easy is it to get a brain amoeba?", "description": "Today I was accessing a sewer line cleanout on a septic system. The line was holding sewage in it and I accidentally got a very small amount of sludge on my face near my nose. I washed my face in the hose with soap and as I was doing that I splashed a small amount of water into my nostril. I think it went maybe 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch into my nostril. Is there any chance I can get a brain amoeba this way?", "answer": "Naegleria fowleri, the \"brain-eating amoeba\" is rare and lives in fresh water. Getting sewage in your face might be a small risk for infections transmitted by fecal-oral contact, but an amoeba isn't one of those concerns.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f433at", "comment_id": "fho4i85"}, {"question": "Don't want to get my paycheck.", "description": "I tried to stop 9 days ago as my badge says but I failed. Last sunday I drank the last beer and wasn't able to buy anymore alcohol because I'm broke right now, credit cards are maxed out because I spent most of my money on booze and junk food. \n\nToday is my 4th day alcohol-free and I get paid tomorrow. I'm afraid I will give in to my cravings and ruin it all because I'll have money to buy alcohol. I've been feeling happier and I don't want 20% of my paycheck to be wasted on alcohol anymore. I've been reading this sub every day for the last 4 days and it's really encouraging. Thanks for putting your heart and experiences here, I don't feel so alone anymore.", "answer": "Nothing wrong with being honest. Your goal is to just get through each 5 minutes and if you can't trust yourself 100% with the money, bring protection. Bring a family member or friend along to make sure the check gets spent. Hell, pay them to come along because we aren't here to help you save money, you're here to save yourself. I'll like that you are being honest, but also believe you need to be realistic with your preparation. Don't pick up the check until you know you can get the money to where it needs to go. Some people end up spending extra money frivolously for a few weeks or a month and that's okay because as long as your bills get paid and you have enough food, having money may be a really bad idea. Just for now. For right now do what you need to. Later on you'll be the one going with someone else to get their check but right now keep yourself safe. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "62iggh", "comment_id": "dfmx8n3"}, {"question": "Is a site like Rate My Therapist a good idea?", "description": "There's sites like Rate my Professor that lets students gauge whether a professor will be a good fit for them(teaching style, personality, the experience of others)\n\nCurrently there is no mechanism like this for therapy. One of the most important aspects of therapy is that the therapist should be a good fit for a client.\n\nI think it would be helpful for clients to have a resource like this when finding a therapist and determine if that therapist will be a good fit ahead of time. All reviews will be anonymized", "answer": "I agree with the concerns about making it even harder for certain client populations to seek help, as well as the note that therapists can be good and also still not the right fit for some clients. \n\nThis is a very half-baked idea, but I do kind of wonder about a strengths-only review situation (e.g. some pre-populated lists that clients could keyword search to put strengths of the therapist)? That could possibly give you a flavor... But I am not sure if that would be satisfying to clients (and I also want to note that there are absolutely therapists who do unacceptable/super problematic things).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gj24vh", "comment_id": "fqktr7l"}, {"question": "Thoughts on Psychiatric Medication", "description": "Do you ever get clients where you think, \"This person needs drugs, asap!\"? What do you do in that situation? And do you ever have clients that are on psychiatric medications, but you think really just need to work through their issues and apply some healthy strategies? How do you approach those kinds of situations?", "answer": "Absolutely, I consult with a psychiatrist or talk to the patient 's doctor . If someone is already on meds that are not harmful and they are not abusing the meds, i would never interfere. \n\nI have yet to see a prescribed medication that masks symptoms of a disorder or prevents a person from working through their issues. Benzos can help anxiety without therapy, so learning coping is important. Prescribers are pulling back and want to avoid dependence.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpk7he", "comment_id": "fro3sst"}, {"question": "Looking for a coach/guide--33-year-old learning to study the world", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI want to start over with my education. I learned about the ADHD a couple of years ago and it put all of the pieces together. One of the pieces being how I have struggled to learn the things I deeply LONG to understand in the world. Like HISTORY, governments, all of the systems humans set up and why they work the way they do. I was right the whole time, not imagining things--I really WAS missing something and unable to connect the dots. All I want is to be able to say I am an informed citizen, not just learning how to recycle the same narratives I hear around me (that is what I have done in the past, so I can at least sound informed.)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nSo now I want to begin again with this new understanding of what DOESN'T work for me. And an ability to advocate for myself. I just don't know if I can do it alone. Does anyone have advice for how to find someone who understands ADHD brains who can help hold me to some kind of learning structure? Maybe I would meet with them every month. I need help prioritizing what to pay attention to.\n\nMuch peace, thanks y'all.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nEDIT: Now I am realizing the right word for the person I am looking for is really \"tutor.\" I am looking for someone who can work with me on the content I want to learn, not so much a learning coach. They just have to be someone who understands ADHD--I've had enough teachers in life who didn't understand the particular obstacles my brain has in the learning process.", "answer": "You might consider searching for a psychotherapist who specializes in ADHD. A therapist with training and experience treating ADHD may provide a number of similar suggestions as would an ADHD coach; however, a therapist will be less accessible to you in terms of phone or email support than I imagine a coach would be, and that may be the reason your looking specifically for a coach to begin with. You could still reach out to a therapist who specializes, however, and ask if they also offer coaching/phone support at an additional rate or if they can give you referrals to a coach.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "au8awk", "comment_id": "eh6p4ig"}, {"question": "Drug testing for employment is always such a JOY", "description": "When you're prescribed an unusually high dose of adderall...\nI had to do the dreaded pee test for my pre employment screening at the hospital today and of course the first thing i did was slap those prescription bottles on the counter and the nurse goes \"so what you're trying to tell me is....you're about to fail this drug test??\"\n\nThe way she said it made me laugh though. It wasn't like snooty at all it was almost an understanding exasperation. \n\nAlso...yes ma'am...maybe?", "answer": "When I have to take a drug test I bring my prescription bottles and tell them what medication I take. I know I'm going to test positive for benzodiazepines, but I usually don't test positive for anything else since I take methylphenidate. At a pre-employment screening they took copies of the prescription bottles as evidence. Any attitude is not allowed because it is related to a disability.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "espi3c", "comment_id": "ffcdypp"}, {"question": "Finding a specialist who is willing to work with BPD patients (a saga, with a happy ending!)", "description": "Basically, I\u2019m in the midst of a mental health crisis. My BPD and CPTSD symptoms are back in full force.\n\nIt is near impossible to find a mental health professional that it\u2019ll take a Borderline patient. I was warned about this by my recent psychiatrist, that a lot of therapists will not take a BPD client, that many licensed therapists will not want to work with someone who is stereotypically manipulative and require a lot of dedication.\u00a0\n\nNot only this, but its near impossible to find someone who will accept my insurance. That\u2019s a secondary issue, though. \n\nI called SEVEN mental health practices in the area, to find someone who will take someone with borderline as well as issues related to trauma. A few of them were \u201cChristian counseling centers\u201d which is a yikes, but I\u2019m desperate. \n\nI am happy to report... that I found a place that\u2019ll accept me! \n\nAnd the appointment is in just a few days! I\u2019ll start DBT again quite soon. Hopefully this time the coping skills will stick with me. I\u2019m super dedicated to working on them and getting my life back on track!\n", "answer": "If someone is willing to diagnose both CPTSD and BPD I highly doubt they really understand either. Unless the BPD was fully established before any of the trauma happened, there is way too much overlap for a differential diagnosis to be accurate and specific. \n\nI'm really happy for you that you found someone to work with and I hope they really understand CPTSD enough to help you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dwtr2", "comment_id": "e5l2r30"}, {"question": "I feel like I'm losing my best friend", "description": "I'm a guy who's 17 years old, I start this off with that sentence so you get my stand point.\n\nI've always been depressed because of my loneliness, being bullied and the situation with my parents, though recently the person who stood by me through it all for a good 11 years was my current best friend, who I'll refer to as Dave to keep his identity safe, until recently. Dave and me are both straight but after being friends for so long we have this emotional connection. But recently he got himself a stunning girlfriend and he's been speaking to her daily, so often, he has given up days with me and left conversations on discord just to talk to her.\n\nWith me being depressed while growing up I always was upset with how I looked whether my friends and the people I trust are going to backstab me. I've never self harmed but have attempted suicide, I regret it immensely but I have. He's never noticed or asked how I felt about his constant absence but I find it hard to confront home because let's be honest I love this guy (not homosexually). Can anyone help me? Am I losing one of the only friends I have; one of the only people I trust?", "answer": "TALK WITH HIM. Let him know about your viewpoint and how you feel. The best way to handle potentially messy situations is to get them out in the open. Tell him how you feel ignored by him as he leaves to talk to her. Set up a designated time where it's just the two of you.\n\nIt's unrealistic to give him a choice: you or her. The first parts of a romantic relationships often motivate people to spend a majority of time with their significant other at first. That's normal. \n\nEventually you will come to a balance.", "topic": "helpmecope", "post_id": "5y41ov", "comment_id": "dfg7e3d"}, {"question": "If Doctor records ETOH Abuse in my charts, will that have an effect on future care?", "description": "I got referred to a specialist for Cardiac issues, and he did the typical questions about history, etc. When he asked me about drinking, I replied that I might drink about 1 night a week, and have 4-5 drinks that night. \n\nThis new doctor however had an extreme reaction to it, saying that I must cut all alcohol off immediately. Absolutely no alcohol at all. He also recorded in my charts a record of ETOH abuse.\n\nThis is the same information I have given my Family Doctor in the past, and he didn't seem concerned at all. \n\nI don't have a problem cutting off drinking if it is really medically advisable, but I am very curious about why two doctors would have such a radically different opinion about it.\n\nAlso, will being listed with Alcohol Abuse in doctor's notes be an issue for me going forward in terms of how I'm treated, etc? I don't have a concern about cutting out alcohol, but I don't want to be inaccurately labelled as such if it might affect how I am treated by future doctors who view my medical records.", "answer": "You'll probably want an opinion from an addictions psychiatrist - so here it is. Its at most harmful drinking, but no more than that unless you are suffering withdrawal symptoms or its affecting your quality of life.\n\nThere might be a very valid reason to abstain from alcohol depending on the cardiac diagnosis.\n\nClarify with your usual doctor. I don't see this as malpractice, but I would've taken a more pragmatic approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y8eip", "comment_id": "d6luu4v"}, {"question": "What should I [20/f] do about the erratic behavior of a guy [22/m] after a fight that happened long ago", "description": "So there is a guy that I used to be into, but were only ever friends and he made that clear a while back. However, we got closer after the fact, and by two months ago were studying together and talking on social media rather frequently.\n\nWe had a fight over the fact that I felt he was taking advantage of my willingness to help him, as over time it began to feel like he was just being nice to me when I could do something for him. I tried to ask him to soften things a little and for example say thank you when I helped him with something, because I didn't like feeling like I was obliged to do things for him.\n\nHe apologized and was distant after this. I tried to ask him if he wanted to talk about the situation and he more or less blew up on me, saying we were only ever class friends, that the fight was stupid, I was being dramatic, and he didn't want to talk to me outside of class anymore or bring up the fight.\n\nI apologized in return and told him he could talk to me whenever he felt comfortable. He proceeded to ignore me for a week, then slowly he tried to be more and more friendly. He'd talk to me more in class, sometimes acknowledge me if he ran into me in the library, occasionally ask me for help - all going against what he said. And it's awkward. He is visibly nervous when he does it.\n\nI want to get the stupid elephant out of the room but I don't know how. It doesn't seem like he has the guts to do it. I kind of want to text him and ask him if I struck a nerve in that fight, because I feel like I did but he won't admit it. And I also won't ever get him to talk in person, so that's not a possibility. He's also moving away soon so I just want to make my peace and move on.\n\n**tl;dr**: He told me not to talk to him about a fight we had, and is going back on his word that he wouldn't talk to me. I feel like something needs to be said but I don't know how to go about it, and he is too awkward to ever admit what is wrong.", "answer": "Potential serious communication flaws here. Might need a professional to sort out dynamics.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67hco9", "comment_id": "dgqej0j"}, {"question": "Is it normal that I prioritize my [25 F] parents over my boyfriend [25]?", "description": "I want to marry him, but I can't leave them. \n\nI've got an incredible family and am very close with my parents. They had me late, so they're already in their 60's. I'm constantly terrified of something happening to them. \n\nI've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are the same person in two bodies. He's planning on proposing fairly soon. I've moved 1000 miles away from my hometown with him, to a place he really likes, for his job. \n\nI know he doesn't love where I'm from... neither do I, but I see myself needing to move back closer to my parents, pretty soon. I can't stand thinking that I might have 10 years left with them if I'm lucky, and that I'm wasting those years halfway across the country. \n\nMy boyfriend, I think, has a hunch that I feel this way. He knows how much I think about them and how sad it makes me to be away. I have not told him explicitly that I want to end up back there one day... but I don't think he'd be surprised if I did. \n\nMy town is rural, but there are a couple of decently interesting cities an hour or two's drive away. I don't think it's completely hopeless. And our ultimate goal was to work for a few years in a city to save up money, then buy some land in the country and do some simpler work to get by after that. Where I'm from would be perfect for that! Tons of rural land and super cheap cost of living, but I don't know if he sees it. \n\nI'm terrified of bringing this up with him as a thing that I definitely need, because I'll have no clue what to do if he doesn't want this. \n\nHe's from literally the opposite end of the country, too, and he might think it's unfair to live near my parents and not his. Thing is, my parents are poor and can't afford plane tickets to visit. His are very wealthy and jet off to European countries at least every month or two. \n\nHalf of me wants to jump into marriage and having kids with him so they can see that I have a happy successful life and get to meet their grandchildren. The other half is pulling the brakes hard on the marriage thing because I CAN'T be so far away from my parents for more than another year or two, I think, and I won't know what to do if he doesn't want that.\n\nAm I wrong for thinking this way? How do I begin to try to bring this up with my boyfriend? How does everyone else do this?!", "answer": "You'll never have a good relationship if you don't prioritize your SO.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75ybli", "comment_id": "do9um67"}, {"question": "12 Years Without Weed", "description": "Hi, It's been 12 years since I last smoked any weed. 12 years ago, I would smoke week all day every day. I couldn't control it, I would get high even when I knew I shouldn't. I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. I loved the feeling of being high and would get really upset if I couldn't get some more pot.\n\nI ended up getting almost arrested when I got busted by the cops but they let me go. After that, I decided to stop smoking weed. I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nI still crave the feeling of being high, but I know that I can't manage it, so I stay off. I also don't drink or do any other drugs.\n\nFeel free to ask questions.", "answer": "> I didn't do it by myself. Other people helped me in getting off weed and staying off.\n\nCare to elaborate on this?", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "voxmz", "comment_id": "c56do74"}, {"question": "Am I oversensitive", "description": "In the beginning of my relationship with my current boyfriend, he compared me a lot to his previous partners. He wasn't malicious or mean spirited about it but he did compare a lot, and he also ranked his feelings for his exes (who he loved most, then second, etc.). I write this to add some context to a more recent situation: Over the last few months he's told me several time that he'll never love me as much as he loved the people he dated in his 20s. He's in his late 30s now. I was hurt by this but I didn't say anything the first few times he said it. However, recently, when I've had a bit too much to drink, I've brought it up and he's reiterated the fact that he doesn't love me as much as he loved other people. Last night, he said \"I love you 95% as much I loved the others; you should be happy with that.\" Again, he wasn't trying to be cruel, I think he was actually trying to be nice, but it was really painful for me to hear. When he realized I was upset, he apologized and explained that he loved his previous girlfriends too much, in ways he views as unhealthy, and that he didn't mean to hurt me. I don\u2019t blame him for feeling the way he does. I guess I want more from a relationship, though. I'm not sure what to do. He believes my hurt feelings stem from a misunderstanding of what he's said. ", "answer": "you deserve 100%. it's cruel of him to say those things. don't settle!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "64mgq6", "comment_id": "dg3bham"}, {"question": "Haven't touched a drop since July 2nd", "description": "My sisters are visiting me from England tomorrow (I live in Ireland) and I'll be going into a restaurant and bar for the first time since then. I'll be drinking water with my meal and I'm really looking forward to tasting good food without washing it down with ethanol.\n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Well done. Good luck. Enjoy a lovely dinner. I'm in Ireland too...great food ! Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9552my", "comment_id": "e3q7e2a"}, {"question": "Am I going into too much detail to convince my doc to sterilize me?", "description": "I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'm planning on talking about what kind of education I'm pursuing and how long that would take me. I would finish up school and everything by the time I'm 32-33. Throwing a baby into the mix would make my goals much harder to achieve. Major depression and bipolar disorder are very common in my family. I'm the only person in my family that has never had any mental health problems. Everyone had something by the time they were my age. I was raped at 19 and again at 21 and getting sterilized would give me more emotional security. Like, even if I can't control some things, I can still control that aspect. If I get raped again, I would feel a lot better knowing it couldn't cause pregnancy. The threat of pregnancy affects my sex life even with birth control. My ex freaked out when he found out I was getting deployed so he poked holes in our condoms. I found out and took Plan B to get rid of it. I don't want that to happen again. I'm not sure if I want kids or not yet because it depends on a lot things (e.g. financial security, what my partner wants), but I do know that I won't have biological kids. I don't want something growing inside me for 9 months. The idea of childbirth is disgusting to me. I don't want to risk a medical professional sticking their hand inside me to check how dilated my cervix or whatever. There isn't a whole lot of control I would have over my body during the process. I don't want to be completely vulnerable in front of a bunch of strangers. The whole thing just seems terrible and I couldn't deal with it. I won't put my physical/mental health at risk for a biological kid. I won't sue my doctor even if I regret my choice because thats immoral. I'm willing to sign a contract and as many consent forms as my doc wants from me. I wouldn't fuck with my doc's career because they gave me what I asked for.\n\nI'm thinking some of this might be too personal or that it's not really something you're supposed to talk about. Do you think I should take anything out? I feel like he might chalk this up to me being traumatized and recommend therapy instead. \n\nBackground: I'm 23, 5'0, 102lbs. I've asked 6 doctors nearby to sterilize me so far and they all refused.", "answer": "I don't know what will or won't convince someone to do a tubal ligation. I will say that if you want highly effective birth control a copper IUD is just about as effective\u2014it's not perfect, but neither is sterilization short of a full hysterectomy. Copper IUDs also have a known effectiveness of 10 years and might work indefinitely, duration shouldn't be much of a reason to pick between them.\n\nIf you do not and never want to have children, there's no inherent reason not to have a permanent procedure. For you, the convenience of not needing surgery and, maybe more importantly, not needing to convince a doctor of anything more complicated than desiring not to get pregnant *right now* might be of use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "97e17h", "comment_id": "e47i8yl"}, {"question": "Medication side effects questions", "description": "I'm 24, 5'4 280lbs, white, 2 weeks, diagnosed with fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, pre diabetic and pcos. \n\nI'm on 300mg of bupropion (wellbutrin) once in the mornings, 15mg of buspirone once in the morning and once at night, zyrtec at night, along with sprintec birth control and ibuprofen 800mg for pain. \n\nThe problem I'm currently having is almost complete lack of appetite. I barely eat, often forget to, so much that my blood sugar will drop and I'll feel faint. When that happens I'll eat/drink something sugary and I be okay after a few minutes. \nIs this normal with this combination of meds? Is it okay that I'm not eating much? When I do eat it's usually something small. I just tried to eat a sandwich and could only take one bite. \n\nI'm also having a hard time sleeping; staying asleep to be more specific. I wake up several times at night and often can't go back to sleep for hours. \nI go back to the doctor on the 10th to further discuss my fibromyalgia treatment plan. I'll bring this all up to him when I do, I'm just curious at the moment. \n\nThanks for reading!", "answer": "Wellbutrin can be an appetite suppressant, but usually not a dramatic one.\n\nIt's not okay not to eat at all. It is okay to eat less. There's something wrong if not eating is causing you to nearly pass out, and that deserves medical attention. \"Low blood sugar\" is rare outside of medical causes, and should be worked up. \n\nSignificant problems with sleep can go along with depression or bipolar disorder; definitely discuss this with your doctor. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "88v5bu", "comment_id": "dwnus7r"}, {"question": "Possible stroke?", "description": "Age: 15. Non smoking, non drinking. Unhealthy lifestyle though. \n\nToday I woke up and felt numb, mostly numbness on my face. I googled and it says that 'Sudden numbness is a sign of stroke'. Should I be worried?", "answer": "You did not provide the required information for us to be fully helpful. That said, unless you have a serious medical condition that could cause a stroke, such as sickle cell disease, the risk of a stroke at fifteen are practically nonexistent. In any case, a stroke would usually cause loss of sensation and weakness on one side, not both.\n\nIt could be any number of things. If the sensation went away when you woke up, my guess would be lying on your face and putting pressure on it in an unusual way, but we probably won't ever know.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d6yyl7", "comment_id": "f0wj1dc"}, {"question": "Should I apologize or leave it alone?", "description": "Hey! My name is \"T\" and like a year ago I was talking to this guy and we would text and DM each other. And during this time I have never dated anyone never kissed anyone and I was scared completely out of mind, I thought I wasn't mature enough and just overthinking things. I was scared that he might want only one thing and panic and just broke all ties with him even though he has never mention anything that I was scared of .And looking back I feel terrible and recently i keep thinking about it and wanting to talk to him and apologize. I'm just don't know it's been in my head lately, what should I do?", "answer": "No need to apologize. If you want to contact him, do so and just move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ldv2", "comment_id": "dgrbe7m"}, {"question": "Should I tell a professional that I plan to kill myself in few months? Will that land me in impatient immediately?", "description": "im sorry if this isnt the right sub. i was just in inpatient a few months ago and it was very traumatic and counterproductive as most inpatients are. above all else i want to be free from institutions til i kill myself this summer/fall. would it be an automatic trip to the ER if i tell a professional this? all my friends (theyre all online) know this and ive been reassuring them i will be making the right decision, but no one irl knows. please dont tell me there is hope, i know theres hope for me and everyone else like me, but thank you for being kind.", "answer": "Where do you live? I am answering as a psychologist in the US, and will respect your request that you not be told there is hope.\n\nI wouldn't send someone to the hospital if they planned suicide \"in a few months .\" In a perfect world , impatient treatment would exist for that level of hopelessness, but in the US, the ER is only for imminent danger.\n\nHaving plan or intent is a serious concern, and does have to be explored. It is possible that as your date or timeframe comes closer , or if you make specific arrangements that increase lethality, your imminent danger would be re-assessed. You may be asked to safety plan.\n\nIt sounds like you are open to therapy since you are asking this question . What support are you looking for ? What would therapy look like to you in a perfect world?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "figraj", "comment_id": "fkhsdbq"}, {"question": "Being Forced Into Therapy.", "description": "Here's the very unusual deal. These past few years, I have developed what would look like essential tremor. (Google it)\n\nMy Doctor, after numerous blood tests, and given my past, thinks that my tremor is caused by anxiety, but I will constantly dispute that it is not, because I never feel anxious, and the shaking does not get worse when depressed (which is another cause).\n\nSo, he's forcing me into therapy due to my couple of years where panic attacks were common. Now, I have very big problems with therapy, but they are probably unfounded.\n\nCould you guys that have been forced/or opted for therapy, despite being against the idea, offer some insight to how 'good' it is? The idea of a person putting thoughts into my head bothers me.", "answer": "There is nothing about therapy that involves \"putting thoughts into \"your head. Therapists wont brainwash you. Instead, a therapist helps you recognize and understand your thoughts, and then works with you to help you control them and to engage in more rational thinking.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1fhm1g", "comment_id": "caalca0"}, {"question": "HELP", "description": "Ive liked this one guy for a whole semester but we have never been anything more than friends. Then next week he started flirting with me and it was so different then it was before. Then Friday everything felt like we went back to just friends. So it was all okay. But just when i thought we were friends he picked back up with the flirting! What should i do? ", "answer": "talk about your respective feelings. be direct. guessing and assuming wastes precious time!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj8o9", "comment_id": "dbw4iwp"}] \ No newline at end of file