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-[{"question": "What can I do for you as my hotel guest?", "description": "Dear future guest! I work at a small hotel as a reception manager, and have other responsibilities as well. I really want to make our guests feel welcome and well cared for at our place. I really love my job and I honestly LOVE our guests! Of course I have had a lot of classes on customer service, and I think that me and my co-workers are good at the normal polite \"welcome\", \"thank you\"  type of customer service. But I want advice on how to \nexceed your expectations, on how give you give you a WOW experience, or how to give you warm and fuzzy feelings about a building! For example: What can I do with your hotel room prior to check in? What would you like to hear when you check in? What can I do for you at breakfast? I really just want to make you happy! Any advice?", "answer": "Maybe random, but if it's late, say after 10 or 11 pm and you're checking me in, please be friendly but *fast*. I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I just want to crash. \n\nThe only memorably \"bad\" experiences I've had at hotel reception (minus one place that said they were pet-friendly online but then magically were not and were assholes about it*) were when I was trying to check in later at night and the whole process seemed to take forever. I had to wait at the counter for awhile, then figuring out who I was and my reservation took forever, and then getting the key was somehow tough ... when you're tired its the worst 1st-world struggle.\n\n*On that note, keep your damn website updated.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4205vf", "comment_id": "cz6lmuk"}, {"question": "It is possible to just be naturally unliked?", "description": "I am not an ass. I don't go around insulting people. I am quiet, takes me a moment to warm up to other people. I am not naturally charming, sometimes I say something that people laugh at.\n\nI am not shy.\n\nI am a mix of alpha and beta. Maybe I am just unlucky, maybe I just give off bad vibes.\n\nIt's so weird. *shrugs*\n", "answer": "How much do you like other people.   Generally if you show genuine interest, people will like you ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1zvc5p", "comment_id": "cfxd3mm"}, {"question": "I miss Calvin and Hobbes. A Lot.", "description": "I grew up with Bill Watterson's funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful comic. Re-reading the old stuff is great, but... I just miss it.  ", "answer": "Watch Steven Universe, or Adventure Time, both of which are funny-yet-brilliantly-insightful animations.  ", "topic": "sad", "post_id": "3p03f9", "comment_id": "cw2pz38"}, {"question": "Gabapentin questions", "description": "23\nMale\n6 feet \n150 pounds \nWhite\n1 year\nBrain, mind\nSocial anxiety, Generalized Anxiety \nGabapentin 300 mg 2x daily \n\nI take Gabapentin for my anxiety as my psychiatrist said it\u2019s very safe with less issues than other anxiety medications. I read an article online that says it prevents the formation of new brain synapses. Is this really true??\n", "answer": "There was one paper in Cell ([Eroglu et al. 2009](https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cell.2009.09.025), if you're interested) that found that gabapentin inhibits synapse formation\u2014one kind of synapse, driven by one particular neurotransmitter. That got turned into a fair amount of hysterical press by the people who get hysterical about drugs. And yet subsequently people have continued to take gabapentin without significant cognitive or neurodegenerative problems.\n\nBrains are complicated and there is a lot that we don't know, but it seems to me that another reasonable hypothesis is that aberrant or maladaptive synapses drive epilepsy, neuropathic pain, and possibly anxiety, and so reducing those synapses is what helps. There's not much to back that, especially for anxiety, but there's nothing to say that it's wrong.\n\nMy only objection is that the evidence for gabapentin in anxiety is there, but it's much more limited than with other medications such as SSRIs like fluoxetine (Prozac). There are reasons to pick gabapentin, maybe, but there should be reason not to use one of the other very safe and better-supported medications.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "az5r0n", "comment_id": "ei6tqap"}, {"question": "Really confused with the girl I like. NEED HELP PLEASE!", "description": "So, i've known this girl for some months now and she seemed interested in me (she hangs out with me after classes, talking for like 2 hours, standing, instead of going home) and generaly there is at least a slight romantic interest there, i feel it. We have gone out once, had a great time but in the end i didnt make a move. A couple of days ago i asked her out again, she said yes and we went on a music festival. We hung out for about 3 hours, talked about many things and had a great time in general. When the time came for us to separate, i knew i had to make a move, to go for a kiss. So, before she left and after some awkward silences there, she kissed me in the cheek but i got the feeling she was expecting me to make a move, so after the kiss on the cheek i said something like 'eeeeh' followed by a slightly awkward look , likei wanted to say something. She asked me ''what is it?''. I said \"Nothing\". She then responded \"Are you sure?\". And then, after a 2-second pause i kissed her for like 10 seconds and she didnt back off. Then, I stopped to see her reaction and what she said was \"I don't see it that way\". At first i thought that this was it, rejection, so i said ''its ok'' and ''lets forget this''. **However, she said \"no\" (like, lets not forget this) and then said \"I dont see it in a friendly way but i dont see it this way\".** She then told me she had a fantastic time with me, she gave me a hug, some strokes on my arm and then we parted ways.  What's that supposed to mean? Im so confused. If she wanted to reject me why would she tell me she doesnt see me in a friendly way? The bad thing is that I just wanted to leave after that, to think so i didnt ask her in which kind of way she sees that. What do you think i should do now? Im going to see her tomorrow afternoon, in our class. \nThanks in advance.\n\n**P.S.** All of my friends keep saying that what happened was good and that she is into me but i dont see it...", "answer": "\"When the time came for us to separate, I knew I had to make a move, so after standing there quietly for three minutes, I let her kiss me.\"\n\nThat's an anti-move.  You preemptively cancelled the mood, she barely got it back to zero.\n\nAsk her to go out somewhere. Get some food. Walk around someplace nice. Say her name, put your hand on her side, above her waist below her boob, kiss her. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6duwns", "comment_id": "di5ksge"}, {"question": "sane or paranoid?", "description": "if you were paranoid about something but later on you find out you were right all along. are sane? or paranoid? where is the dividing line?", "answer": "if you were right along, it's not paranoia, it's intuition.... unless of course you were VERY fortuitous", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "5z1wtt", "comment_id": "deunna3"}, {"question": "People hating on therapists", "description": "I\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. I\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist I used to go to. But since getting on Reddit I see a lot of negativity towards therapists.\nI get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but I feel like I see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub. \nIt\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. I genuinely want to help people because I know what it feels like and I hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity I see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "The internet is often an extremely toxic place, especially Reddit.  People are generally much more likely to take the time to complain about something or someone they don't like online opposed to taking the time to discuss something positive.  You're always going to have to deal with the negative folks as a therapist, but they're not the majority, they're just the loudest.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "ec1t15p"}, {"question": "I can't afford my horse, but I feel too attached to sell him", "description": "Hi all! Let me start by saying that I have two horses, my mare, Riley and my gelding, Gordon. I've had Riley for 3 years and couldn't possibly sell her. I bought Gordon a little over a year ago as a second horse for my boyfriend to ride. He does still technically belong to me, though. \n\nWhen I bought Gordon, I was working on a ranch in Wisconsin. It made sense at the time to have him, and I was able to afford him. However, I moved back to Illinois in May. It was ok for a while, even though boarding him at a local barn is pricier here. I pay $750 a month for the both of them. I worked at a very upscale steakhouse and was able to pay for it. It was a little stressful, and I didn't have a ton of disposable income, but my boyfriend and I made it work. We decided that we weren't spending enough time riding Gordon, and put him up for sale in June.\n\nI got a few inquiries but nothing ever came out of them. A few people came to look at the horse and test ride him, but then decided that they either couldn't afford him or found another horse that they liked better. Over the next few months, I started to spend more time riding him to prepare him to sell. I realized slowly that I was really liking him, almost as much as I like my main horse. I started to consider keeping him and taking him off the market for real...\n\nIn November, I lost my job. I had enough money left to pay for the board for December, and my parents gifted me some money for Christmas that went towards the January board. Now I'm all out of money and I haven't found a new job yet. I have received one email from someone who was interested in him, but I haven't been able to reply yet. The fact is that I cannot afford him anymore, but I love him. Does anyone have any advice on how to sell a pet that you love dearly?", "answer": "Lease him!  My friends little sister moved away and I leased her hours for like 300$ a month. Helped pay for bills.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "ajyenp", "comment_id": "ef11e7g"}, {"question": "how to start and actually meet with girls?", "description": "over time thing left to another and i became lonelier the ever before, and i have this ongoing need for people and love. \n\nbut obviously my social skills didnt get better with time. \n\n​\n\ni had few opportunities to meet with some girls i met from facebook/tinder etc. to the point where they asked too meet by themselves.  \n\na lot of the times girls wont respond back. those who do, rarely it goes over to the phone number and even more rarely they actually want to meet,\n\n​\n\nbut when they actually do, i dont have the courage and ambition i need to actually make it happen...\n\nso texting to women isnt that hard, maybe i past that barrier. but how do i actually suppose to make the first meeting happen from start to end?\n\n​\n\nyea im overthinking it. but when it comes to actually meeting, im getting anxious. ''what should i look like?'' ''what faces should i be doing?'' ''should ill try to be funny or is it overdoing it?'' etc... and then i think about that its a girl that i didnt meet yet and didnt even get to feel attracted to first, witch makes my motivation to do this scary thing really low and eventually it just ends there...\n\n​\n\nim 23y male, i had girlfriends and dates before but never from a dating site or without knowing the person first.\n\n​\n\nfor example, a girl i was talking with about few weeks ago from facebook who gave me her number and we went to whatsup, she asked me if i wanted to meet and i said that i do, we never did, we stop talking for few weeks and than she started massaging me again\n\n​\n\nanother girl i met from online site, were talking in watsup for few months and talking about meeting for a while but it keep not happening. somtimes because of her, but when shes finally up to meet im the one making problems...\n\n​\n\nobviously this attitude will do me more bad the good... \n\nand i keep trying telling myself that i should step up and face my fears, but this shit keeps happening again and again...\n\n​\n\ntheres also a chance me and the second girl i mentioned will meet today. we set the place but i didnt ask her about what time yet.\n\n​\n\nseriously, any tips are more the welcome. thank you", "answer": "Although I'm a bit older (32) so there's a bit of a generation gap, now happily married.  Before finding the love of my life and getting married, I didn't really have any trouble finding dates, hook ups, etc. despite being short and fairly average as far conventional attractiveness goes.  \n\n\nBiggest piece of advice I can give you is not to spend too much time texting before asking to hang out.  1 week max.  If they cancel a 2nd time, don't initiate any more contact until they do.  More likely than not, they're not interested or are only interested in something platonic.  If they are interested in more, they'll re-initiate contact and try to set something up.  \n\n\nDon't waste your time and energy on people who aren't meeting you half way, there's plenty of people out there who will, but you may lose the opportunity while focused on someone who isn't worth your time. \n\n\nDating, asking someone out, all of that is scary as hell for most people.  Courage is doing it even though it scares you.  It's a muscle you can build over time, you just have to work it out.  Go on some Tinder dates with no expectations, even with girls you're not head over heels attracted to and just try to have fun.  When you get to a point where you're not trying to impress the other person but are truly just being yourself having fun, that's exactly the way you should be acting.  It's also a lot less to have to think about in the moment.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6ikm3", "comment_id": "ejl10x5"}, {"question": "Is this a type of schizophrenia, or something else?", "description": "I'm not sure if this would count, I'm not sure if you have to have actual sensory hallucinations or if thoughts that bore themselves into your head and occasionally become so overwhelming you can't function count as \"voices\"... but here are the details as best as I can describe them.\n\nAt times, I will get absolutely swamped with negative thoughts about myself. They are generally of the same vein: \"I'm worthless,\" \"I'm a burden to others,\" \"Everything I do just hurts my loved ones,\" \"My continued existence brings tangible harm to everyone I care about,\" etc. These are usually accompanied by a flood of memories, generally every example of every moment in my life that I can remember where I ever felt embarrassment, shame, guilt, failure, and/or times when I did indeed inadvertantly do things that hurt or disappointed the people I care about. It can get so overwhelming that I can't function--I've had to pull over on the side of the road while driving on multiple occasions, or just collapsed on the floor. While these usually happen when a new example of this occurs (or shortly after) it can sometimes just happen when my mind wanders while taking a shower or trying to fall asleep. Usually anything that even slightly reminds me of an embarrassing memory has a risk of leaving me a gibbering wreck--and the longer I live, the more such memories I have, so the more things can do this. I'm struggling to fight it now just writing this and praying I can finish before it hits.\n\nWhat is this? Is this even a thing? Do other people go through this too?", "answer": "Agreed with bearpony.  As a professional therapist, I could never give you a diagnosis from just reading a post online and not working with you in person, but what you are describing does not sound in line with schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder.  Just as bearpony stated, it does however sound to be causing you significant distress and it would probably be in your best interest to give therapy a try.  Honestly, therapy rocks!  Not just saying that because I am one :-D\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "701ykf", "comment_id": "dmzy95d"}, {"question": "Relationship getting stale??", "description": "Any tips on keeping the relationship from getting stale? Been with my significant other for a year and I want to keep the spark going. We've moved in together and things have gotten a bit routine. ", "answer": "everything gets familiar. being in love means loving beyond the newness. life is routine. you just have to stay focused on each other. be interested. do  lots together. life isn't a honeymoon.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6hg1tm", "comment_id": "diy1ff4"}, {"question": "PLEASE read my blood test results abnormal", "description": "Doctors hey!\n\n* Age: 18\n* Race: Caucaisan\n* Height: 195cm\n* Weight 92kg\n\n\nEssentially I have done a blood test simply because I have been having some concerns for some time.\n\nAll of these are out of the normal range:\n\n* TSH: 3,11 \u00b5IU/ml ( 0,92-3,10 \u00b5IU/ml)\n\n* Calcium in the serum: 2,52 mmol/l (2,15-2,50 mmol/l)\n\n* Prolactin: 384,2 mIU/L (86-324 mIU/L)\n\n\n\n\nDon't know whether I should mention that I had only 5-10 minutes of sleep that night and that was right before going to the blood test (when I'm suddenly woken up it could be considered partially stressful).\n\nAlso I noticed having problems with my vision (it could be considered a very very small loss of the peripheral vision, which is concerning me even more; it's not black or blurry, just looks a bit more narrow than before)\n\nRead on the internet but I wanted to ask here as well.\n\nAppreciate you taking time to read this and hope someone could reply.\n\n", "answer": "The results are pretty normal, but this is useless without the clinical history.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y73zh", "comment_id": "d6lki83"}, {"question": "\u2018You deserve better\u2019 is a cop out", "description": "If you really believed it then maybe you\u2019d try treating me better yourself. But what you really mean is that you might want me to be happy in some vague, half-hearted manner requiring no effort on your part. You hope I\u2019m happy, just not enough to be involved in making me so. And that\u2019s ok. You\u2019re allowed to feel that way. But for goodness sake just say so. \n\n\nYour life is not a rom-com. Stop trying to justify your actions with trite platitudes. There\u2019s only one thing I\u2019ve ever asked of you \u2013 honesty. It\u2019s just not as difficult as you seem to think. You know all those times that you\u2019ve told me \u2018I don\u2019t know how to talk about things\u2019 or \u2018I can\u2019t make the words come out\u2019 \u2013 it\u2019s crap. The reason you can\u2019t find the words is because you\u2019re too busy trying to make them up. Try not lying \u2013 the words will come much easier.\n\n\nTruthfully, my anger does nothing. You will not ever understand what it is I\u2019m angry about because it\u2019s too easy to dismiss it as heartbreak or \u2018girl drama\u2019. Let me be clear \u2013 IT IS NOT ABOUT THAT. It\u2019s that there is a right and a wrong way to go about things; and given the choice, you will always choose the wrong way. Stop trying to rationalise and justify your behaviour, because all you\u2019re managing to do is put the responsibility for your actions onto other people. You do what you do because YOU choose to \u2013 your failings are on you. You didn\u2019t break up with me because I\u2019m not spontaneous enough or because we hadn\u2019t been talking enough \u2013 those things can be talked about and worked on. You broke up with me because you saw a shiny new thing you wanted to play with. And I reiterate \u2013 that\u2019s fine! But don\u2019t make me have to question myself because you\u2019re too chicken to just say what needs saying. If you choose to do whatever suits you, with no thought for anyone else, then that\u2019s ok \u2013 but own your shit! Don\u2019t delete the photo of the two of you holding hands on facebook in the hopes that I won\u2019t see it. Don\u2019t sneak her out of the house (the house we\u2019re stuck sharing for the foreseeable future\u2026 you know, since you made the commitment of a lease with me.) in the middle of the night like she\u2019s just some dirty secret. Don\u2019t disrespect her in the vain hope of not disrespecting me. Want to know the only way left to show me respect? Just learn a bit of honesty, with yourself as much as anyone else. It all comes back to the same thing; either you are who you want to be, in which case good for you and don't bother apologising for it, or you're not, in which case it's on you to do something differently.\n\n\nI\u2019ll never say any of this to you because it's not a lesson anyone can make you learn. I just needed to say it somewhere. I regret nothing. It was a good few years and I get to leave with my dignity intact and my head held high, because I said what needed saying and did what needed doing. Can you really say the same?\n\n*Edit: Paragraphs\n**Edit:Turns out I don't know how to paragraph on reddit\n\n\n***Edit: Thank you to everyone who read this or commented. I wasn't expecting it and I appreciate all of you.\n\nTo the person who questioned whether honesty is really what I want, here is how I would have replied were your comment not deleted:\n\nI said honesty, not nastiness. I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I've met someone else and it's made me question our relationship- it's over' Having said that, I did ask for the truth and if 'I've met someone else who's better looking than you, better in bed than you and generally better than you' is his truth, I'd still want to hear it. At least that way I know exactly who he is and it's certainly not someone I'd be interested in.\n\nBut if you feel differently and would rather be 'let down gently' then that's fair enough. I hope if it ever happens to you then your partner knows you well enough and still has enough respect for you to choose your preference.", "answer": "It depends, I was told this before. I thought it was total bullshit at the time, but looking back on it I'm glad she said this. It made me look back to see how shitty of a person she was. My ex cheated on me and begged me to take her back. I did. Her mom loves me and thinks she made a horrible decision letting me go. This was over two years ago, and her mom still tells me how much she misses me. It's weird, but I've never looked back and have a hatred for cheaters. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "3rhz2j", "comment_id": "cwotnfp"}, {"question": "Suspecting Rhabdomyolysis - Severe neck & shoulder soreness (can barely sleep) for the past 24 hours", "description": "**UPDATE:** Thanks everyone for the advice, I got my CPK checked and it's 205 - no rhabdomyolysis!\n\nAge: 20\n\nSex: Male\n\nDuration of Complaint: 24 hours\n\nAbout 24 hours ago, I woke up from a 4 hour afternoon nap with severe shoulder & neck pain (might have slept wrong). The pain just kept growing worse for a few hours, then plateued, and it almost completely prevented me from sleeping. This soreness feels really, really bad. I drank very little water yesterday, before taking that nap.\n\nI just got back from my family doctor. I told him I have severe soreness, he moved my neck around, and he thinks it's just a muscle spasm of some sort. He gave me an oral NSAID along with an NSAID cream. He didn't mention it could be anything like rhabdomyolysis.\n\nToday I drank 3 liters of water in a 16 hour time span in case it is Rhabdo, and my urine was never brown. However, I still suspect it could be Rhabdo because I simply never had this extreme soreness before, and I went on today with 3 hours of sleep total.\n\nShould I go to urgent care now to get a Creatine Kinase lab reading?", "answer": "Rhabdo doesn\u2019t commonly happen out of nowhere, and soreness isn\u2019t a symptom without pretty severe muscle injury. What you describe sounds more like what your doctor thought: muscle or possibly nerve pain from some combination of strain and sleeping in a bad position. Yes, it can be very painful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7fqs", "comment_id": "eywkqwx"}, {"question": "Is This Lithium Toxicity?", "description": "22 y/o white female; 5'4\", 190ish lbs. Currently on 150mg bupropion HCL XL, 20 mg amphetamine salts XR, 1.5 mg clonazepam, and 600 mg lithium carbonate.\n\nDiagnosed with rapid cycling BPI w/ psychotic features, GAD, CD/FND, ADHD, and BPD. Have PCOS and related iron deficiency anemia, plaque psoriasis. \n\nI've been on lithium for about a week and a half. Not really any problems with it until now.\n\nI was start on 150 mg for two days, then 300 mg for five. Then up to 600 mg (300 mg x2 daily) this past Friday. This is day three of morning and evening dose.\n\n~1-2 hours ago, I suddenly started having stomach pain and got nauseous. My anxiety shot through the roof around that time; I can't identify the cause.\n\n~I've felt out of it and weird all day; my boyfriend has asked several times if I'm okay. \n\n~Dizzy... I think... My head just feels kind of airy.\n\n~I have tremors regardless, but lithium has made them worse. They're pretty pronounced right now. \n\nMedications have a history of hating me. My lamotrigine turned on me after two years and I developed a SJS-type rash.\n\nI want to work today, but I work in food, and just in general, working with lithium toxicity is a bad.", "answer": "Bit of a strange way to start lithium. Where are you based? What brand of lithium is it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wf0ap", "comment_id": "dma9mvf"}, {"question": "Girl problem", "description": "I was seeing this one girl over the summer and everything was going good and then one day she went back to her ex boyfriend. About a week and a half ago she messaged me saying that she missed me and that she really did like me. We talked one day and she said it was a huge mistake by leaving me and that she thought about me a lot. Then we started to see each other again and it was going great, we went to a party and she was hugging me and holding hands the whole time, I met her family again and at the ends of the night we were kissing. About last week wednesday she started to act weird and distant, when I would get close to her or touch her she would move away. Something happened to one of her fam members and she started to act even more distant. I haven't spoken to her since friday and she told me we were moving too fast and that she needs space. Does anyone know what this can mean?", "answer": "you have to respect people's wishes for space.  it's hard to know what's going on in anyone's head.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pxleg", "comment_id": "dculx17"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to get your therapist and their staff gifts?", "description": "I've been with my therapist for 6 years, after a suicide attempt, and a second one three years ago. She and her staff have been a breath of fresh air. I have BPD, and my symptoms are all but gone thanks to her.\n\nTwo months ago my therapist went on a sudden leave of absence. I was handed over to a different therapist, and found out my current one had a tumor in her pancreas. She's okay, it was removed, it's noncancerous. She came back on Monday, and I saw her. As I was in the waiting room, this woman came in, demanding that her appointment with my therapist was at 4:45. That was my appointment slot. The receptionist did everything she could to calm her, while having verbal abuse hurled at her to the point where she was near tears. I was brought in to therapy and the woman was brought into the back office to see someone and hopefully calm down. My therapist immediately APOLOGIZED to me for being gone for two months. She was sick! She had  tumor! But she was so apologetic, and so kind. Her phone rang, it was the front desk. The woman was screaming again, and the receptionist was begging for help. My therapist told her she could see her after me, but apparently that wasn't good enough. I told them I would go back out, she could have my slot and I would come in for the slot after. I went out and the receptionist was crying, apologizing to me like THEY screwed up. \n\nI realized just how much they go through, just how much they really work for their patients. Both the receptionist and my therapist did nothing but praise me (for not panicking or acting out) and apologize. I realized just how far I've come in handling stress and that feeling of being pushed aside of abandoned (two years ago I would have screamed before I volunteered to swap with someone). And...I want to do something kind for them. But I do not know if it's appropriate for a patient to get staff gifts. I was thinking home made cookies, or flowers. But is that breaking the line between a patient and a doctor (and staff) relationship? I absolutely do not want to be rude, or come across as \"too close\" by offering gifts, but they really deserve something nice for how far they've helped me come. I can hold down a job now, I can live on my own, I don't scream anymore, I'm not angry anymore. They deserve at least...something.", "answer": "When my patients give me something for my office I always enjoy that. Art they have done, a \u201cfidget\u201d toy, a plant, etcetera. I like remembering them when I look at it and thinking about the progress and growth they made.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fa717l", "comment_id": "fiws63b"}, {"question": "Thoughts on CBD Oil for Anxiety", "description": "I am a 25 year old Caucasian female. Been struggling with anxiety for most of my life. Trying to introduce other options (aside from the 100 mg of zoloft I take daily) to help during the work day and get me to sleep through the night. Haven\u2019t had a full nights sleep in weeks! \n\nHow do you all feel about CBD oil for anxiety? ", "answer": "Good research is still essentially nonexistent, but preliminary evidence is modestly encouraging.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "acy8up", "comment_id": "edbxiwa"}, {"question": "I [M19] found a super amazing girl [F18] but she seems to be into my best friend [M18] but he doesn't realize that she's into him. Should I tell him or should I go for her?", "description": "I told my friend that I liked her and asked if he liked her and he said he liked her only as much as any other girl. I don't know whether to make a move or not and I feel like shit that she is giving all this attention to him.", "answer": "let her make a decision first about approaching your friend", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kg73a", "comment_id": "dbnpisc"}, {"question": "Is chiropractic legit?", "description": "I posted on their subreddit asking about a particular manual decompression technique I've seen on YouTube. I also mentioned that I would regularly allow my brother, who watches a lot of chiro videos, to perform these \"adjustments\" on me. Now my brother is not a chiropractor, but he could fool someone considering he has the experience from countless hours of video. Whenever we watch videos together he can accurately predict the exact diagnoses right down to the joints that are subluxated.  \n\nThe chiros on that subreddit got very defensive and made it sound so dangerous, which I don't understand considering I can pop my own joints whenever. It made me look into it some more and there is a lot of literature casting doubt on their profession. But I can't understand how it can be ineffective or a scam if so many people are propping this industry up. So I'm very confused but would still like occasional adjustments. Am I wasting my time going that route? I am a perfectly healthy male but it feels good.", "answer": "There is very limited and mixed evidence that chiropractic is helpful for lower back pain and a sizable body of evidence to suggest that it is not effective for many other conditions. Chiropractors regularly overstate what they can diagnose and treat. There are also some risks to chiropractic manipulations, but they're usually pretty small; the bigger risk is relying on pseudo-medicine when you need real medicine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "af0q7f", "comment_id": "edugcag"}, {"question": "Boyfriend [21M] won\u2019t clean his belly button. What should I [24F] do?", "description": "Okay I know this sounds crazy. I\u2019ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. He\u2019s always tried to avoid me going near his belly button. \n\nApparently he has a fear that it\u2019ll poke his insides or whatever. \n\nAnyways, he fell asleep, and I can\u2019t seem to sleep tonight. I usually hug him from the back, so I would rub his stomach. I went over his belly button and felt something scratchy. So eventually I thought oh hey why not check it for once. \n\nI stuck my finger in and oh my god it was crusty. The smell was even worse. I thought at first oh my god did I rip some scabs off or something? Is he alright? But when I used my phone to shine some light, it was crusty and flaky and absolutely disgusting with the texture of brown sugar and the smell of extreme sharp cheese. I also found some brown/black stones. \n\nHow do I bring this up to him? I always thought he would at least keep it clean when he showers, but he actually DOES NOT WASH HIS BELLY BUTTON.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m not gonna reply to rude people.", "answer": "Show him a video of an umbilolith removal and inform him that this is why you are concerned. Tell him that you understand it can be a sensitive area to touch, but that regularly cleaning it can help. If he refuses, ask him to please inform him physician at his next physical for them to determine if it is endangering his health. \n\nRegardless, his hygiene habits can absolutely influence physical interactions with you. There is no law that says you have to plug your nose and bear it to preform fellatio when you find him unhygienic. Communication is going to be the key on that one though.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "cgjotv", "comment_id": "eui7r0h"}, {"question": "To what degree does cannabis harm the adolescent brain? What hard evidence do we have to support the claims generally made?", "description": "If anyone with some degree of knowledge relating to this could link me some of the more rigorous studies or tell me more about this, I would greatly appreciate the effort.\n\n\nMale\n30\n5 foot 10\n150lbs\n(Putting that there so post doesnt get deleted)", "answer": "There are for obvious reasons no randomized, controlled trials. There are reviews, such as\n[Effects of Cannabis on the Adolescent Brain](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3930618/), for example; some [small longitudinal studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5963818/); and an ongoing large NIH longitudinal study.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jqhcuj", "comment_id": "gbncg8u"}, {"question": "Chromium to help with cravings", "description": "I\u2019m 9 days binge/purge free!!! I\u2019ve been working out healthy, eating when I\u2019m hungry but practicing control. It\u2019s so fucking hard. But I feel so good. I researched hard for something to control my sugar cravings - last binge was a $100 trip to donut shops and Trader Joe\u2019s and just feeling like shit after...my breaking point was that while I was biting into a donut, a back tooth broke apart. :so I tried Chromium as a supplement. Y\u2019all. My sugar cravings are way low now. I can\u2019t believe it.", "answer": "Do you have a link to which brand you used? I\u2019m gonna do some reading on it thanks for the tip. I\u2019m tired of taking methylphenidate- makes me too wired.\n\nI\u2019m sorry about your tooth. Did you get to a dentist yet? I know I need to make a dentist appointment but I\u2019m scared to because of the purging.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f0wmkn", "comment_id": "fh0dzjs"}, {"question": "Having a major problem within NA", "description": "As of yesterday I have 30 days. I've been in and out of the rooms several times. This is the longest I've had outside of rehab. Needless to say, I'm unsure of many things.\n\nWhen I came back, an older woman in AA (I very much prefer NA) helped me by comforting me, calling me, taking me to an appointment, etc. About a week into our friendship she started calling herself my sponsor. Huh?\n\nThis was a very bad idea to me. I can't relate to her much since we have different addictions and have a huge generation gap. I don't think she is a good fit for a sponsor. It's also a huge red flag to declare yourself someone's sponsor IMO. Sponsors are ASKED to sponsor. Immediately I sensed control issues. I stopped calling and avoided her.\n\nI was forced to confront her when, after not talking to her for several weeks, I ran into her at a meeting and the first thing she said was, \"Hey there, why haven't you been calling your sponsor?\" \n\nI pulled her aside afterwards and told her I appreciated her help but I wasn't sure where the sponsor thing came from. That's all I said. She got very angry. She grabbed me, and an inch from my face, told me the reason I didn't want to be her sponsee was because I was still sick and was going to use again. She raved on about how many years she has, blah blah blah, completely missing the point. After several minutes of letting her go on while she held onto my shoulders with her face an inch from mine, I said, \"I'm going to walk away now.\" I was pretty shaken, she seemed pretty deluded. \n\nRan into her again last night. She was all smiles greeting me, but briefly and no usual hug and kiss. Fine with me. But when she shared, it was a passive aggressive rant about how smart she was, what I should be doing, and how sad it is that I'm not doing it. My blood was boiling, she's sitting there talking about me in front of everyone but not using my name. Now I'm starting to feel like she's playing mind games, and she's enjoying it. Following the meeting, she congratulated me on my clean time and told me to keep coming back. I wanted to flip out but I didn't. \n\nSeriously?!?! I was out for 8 months. I just yesterday got a month clean. I have become the target of this lady's control issues, when all I want to do is not use drugs. waieghawoivdnwpeohj0WPJRHLK!!! What the fuck?!?!? I feel like confronting her (again) would just make things worse. I guess I'll be avoiding that one meeting she goes to (I'm NA, she's AA, she goes to one NA meeting which happens to be the only women's meeting in our area) which really sucks. But I can't risk getting so angry that I go back out. \n\nYes, I know. I'm powerless. I need to work on my \"serenity to accept the things I cannot change.\" I need to vent too. I'm just dumbfounded that this shit goes on within a group that is supposed to help addicts. If it was someone else, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they gave up on the program and/or went back out! Unbelievable!!! ", "answer": "\"This is a sick man(woman). How can I be helpful to him(her)? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.\" - P. 67 Big Book\n\nThis is a prayer I've gotta use when I've looked at the situation from all sides, have identified my part, and still have a resentment. Right before that prayer the book talks about how quickly resentment will take me back out. It sucks you were put in this situation, but life fuckin' sucks some times. Part of recovery is taking the high road. That's what comes with living a spiritual life. The fact of the matter is if you do take the high road you will be carefree and able to help another person and that woman will be exhausted and closed minded. Sure it's easy to wallow on my bullshit resentments I feel justified in holding on to, but all it does is kill me much much faster. \n\nMy advice, \"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we gave harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance is our code.\"\n\nThat's it. Ask for removal, make a phone call, and then turn to service. It's that simple. For me sometimes I have to repeat that process a lot until I'm finally willing to stop wallowing in my resentment, but it works without a doubt.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1skkuy", "comment_id": "cdyv07o"}, {"question": "What killed my(30M) nephew(19M)?", "description": "Hey everyone!\n\nAs the title said, my nephew died unexpectedly 16 days ago, and we have no idea how. We are still waiting for the autopsy report, but our family is obviously grieving and the uncertainty is killing us. Therefore im turning to you, in order order for, even if it's very little, information. I will do my best in explaining the whole situation. Im also an CRNA and therefore have some medical knowledge. \n\nMy nephew was a typical teenager. Just finished high school, didn't have a job yet. Was up all night gaming and sleeping all day. Had alot of friends, was a very kind-hearted person. Had no known medical issues apart from being born pre-mature and having ADD. According to his little sister and some friends, after the incident, he occasionally took Lyrica as recreational drug use, but very certain that there was no other drugs. \n\nThe night he died he hung out with two friends. The friend suspected that he had taken Lyrica before arriving at their place, but that he got more normal as the night progressed. All they did was playing video games and watching movies. At 5 in the morning my nephew texted his little sister that he was coming home at around 11-12 and then they all went to bed (all three slept in the same bed). \n\nAt 11 the friend's father enters the room and finds my nephew on the floor stone-cold dead. Probably been dead for a few hours. Anyway they all freaked out and started CPR and called 911. When help arrived they worked on him for about 30 minutes before going to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.\n\nAbout a week later I called the pathology lab asking if there was any information. I didn't talk to a doctor but the person read from some report that there were no structural causes for the sudden death. Heart was normal, no ruptures etc. The lungs were abit enlarged and that the brain weighed too much (cerebral edema?). They have taken samples and biopsies that's been sent away for analyzing. \n\nWe're at a loss here... I have two scenarios in my head. First, he just died. Sudden cardiac death without structural cause (cardiomyopathy etc), maybe caused by some recreational drug. Second, he OD'd on opiates and fell out of bed and stopped breathing. This however feels so out of character for him. It also seem strange to take something just before going to bed. \n\nWhat do you all think? Is there anything im missing or not seeing clearly? Or maybe someone with more expertise?", "answer": "The toxicology report will eventually come out from the autopsy. If it\u2019s positive for opioids, or less likely other substances, then that\u2019s the probable explanation. If not, then most likely sudden cardiac death, as others have mentioned.\n\nOur guesswork isn\u2019t going to outperform the autopsy.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eur94u", "comment_id": "ffrhvww"}, {"question": "Looking for a doctor to investigate immunosuppression", "description": "I have evidence of immunosuppression that is consistent with HIV infection, but HIV tests to date have been negative. I have seen multiple infectious disease doctors and an immunologist who have refused my requests for further investigation. My [paper](https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzkMetizcHH0YXpFTUZaUHFhYVE) provides the rationale for further investigation. If you know of anyone or how I could find someone to work with me on my case, please let me know. Thank You.\n\n29 year old male with a BMI of 20.3, no medications", "answer": "Do you adamantly believe that you have HIV despite all evidence to the contrary?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "55ipsc", "comment_id": "d8b2uz6"}, {"question": "I got 13th stepped...", "description": "i made an anonymous post here from a throwaway account a while back, couldn't get back into it, and figured I would make a permanent account. I had made the post trying to figure out if I should or shouldn't go through with this \"relationship\" that a guy in my home group wanted to start. The general consensus is that it did not sound like traditional 13th stepping, I also felt like he was being sincere. \n\n​\n\nWe were all wrong. Very, very wrong. I'm also in my mid twenties and am pretty fresh out of a divorce so I haven't dated much and, thus, lack a lot of experience when it comes to spotting red flags and actually listening to my gut. \n\n​\n\nI've known this guy for about 4 months. I'm going through a lot of alcohol related legal trouble and he's been a great support person this whole time. About a month ago we went to the movies. I thought as just friends and it ended with a kiss. After that we went on probably a dozen or so dates. He wanted to meet my family, wanted me to meet his family, etc. \n\n​\n\nI was a little put off as to how much he was pushing for sex before we were even together (he said he wanted to take things slow as far as moving forward to a relationship but definitely didn't seem to want to take things slow when it came to getting physical. That should have been a red flag). So after spending almost every day together, frequently turning down advances for sex, etc. I finally gave in on Friday night when he came over to watch a movie. I told him \"I really would rather wait, I don't want this to change anything between us\" and he told me \"if anything, it will just make us closer\". \n\n​\n\nLike a FUCKING IDIOT, I gave in. \n\n​\n\nWhat do I get 36 hours later? A text, telling me he needs to make an amends for having sex with me. I was very confused about what he was talking about, and he told me that he didn't see a relationship going anywhere and wanted to just be friends and that he was sorry he lied to me about it. \n\n​\n\nI guess if anything, I learned my lesson. I didn't need another reason to not trust people but he definitely gave me one. I'm angry at myself for not having more of a guard up, I'm angry at myself for not sticking to my boundaries. \n\n​\n\nI'm angry at him because this is apparently a pattern with him and I'm angry that he is preying on other young women in the program. I talked with another younger girl in my homegroup about what happened and apparently he is a habitual 13th stepper and \"gets em while they're still shaking\". He tried the same thing with her and a handful of other young girls in the program apparently. \n\n​\n\nI talked to my sponsor and told her I didn't want to go back to my homegroup anymore and she told me \"absolutely not, that man is a predator. The only thing you did wrong was not listen to your intuition and you trusted the wrong person. You keep going and warn every young girl in that group of what he does and he can find a new homegroup if it makes him uncomfortable that his predatory behaviour is being exposed\". So I'm not leaving my homegroup, and I'm going in with confidence and just focusing on the real reason I'm there and that is to try and stay sober for another day! \n\n​\n\nI am at least happy that I learned a lesson from this and that's to not date within the first year. Really wish I had listened to that advice.", "answer": "Sorry this happened to you. What a dirt bag he is. Glad you are taking with your sponsor about it and staying positive. Wishing you the best", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ehs37f", "comment_id": "fclfm6o"}, {"question": "being social / staying sober", "description": "i know we've discussed stuff like this before, and i'm sorry if this seems unnecessarily redundant. to make a long story shortish:\n\n- moved back to my small hometown shortly after quitting drinking\n- don't hate it here the way i used to, but i'm kind of \"over it\" and getting ready to move to a city sometime in the next few months\n- been thinking about the possibility of \"\"social drinking\"\" in the future - i know i can't and don't currently want to. i'm going to talk about it to some ppl IRL today but i'm \"telling on my addict\" as they say\n\nbasically, what i'd love is for some of you to share your stories of meeting new people and being social in sobriety. i've basically restricted myself to family and AA meetings for a social life here and sort of view it as a self-created rehab. i know that moving to a new place when you're not in university or some other \"instant social group\" situation is daunting for ANYONE, but in sobriety i have to admit i'm even more nervous. i'm going to be going to meetings in the new city (and actually very excited for the variety and honestly \"open-mindedness\" of big city recovery which i experienced when i first quit), but i wouldn't mind making friends with people who aren't in recovery, provided they aren't big drinkers.\n\nperhaps i'm just complicating things and thinking too much about hypothetical situations in the future - but i'd love to hear your experiences regardless. thanks.", "answer": "I'm interested to hear this topic because while I have hung out with my old friends and been around alcohol since getting sober, but in the next 3 months I'll be heading off to Texas Tech for college this fall. I can tell you that being with my old friends I had to make sure I was able my distance myself enough. I know that once I get back into the same lifestyle I was in drinking will be shortly around the corner. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fq4nt", "comment_id": "cacosh4"}, {"question": "Mother is Jekyll/Hyde like...Mental Illness?", "description": "Hi! I'm currently in high school and here about my mom. I've always worried about her. She is 51, female, Chinese. No medications right now, doesn't drink alcohol/do drugs, etc. I guess my main concern (and I've talked with my siblings and father a couple times, and they share it) is that she has a mental illness.\n\nFor as long as I can remember, she's been sort of a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Sometimes she's really nice and encouraging to me and my siblings, but this is pretty rare (maybe like once a month?). Sometimes she leaves us alone and lets us do our stuff, which is pretty kind. I'm going to get way more detailed in the next section, but I do feel it's really important to stress this aspect of her.\n\nOther times she can get kind of mean and violent. She kicked down my brother's door (it actually shattered which was really scary) when he locked it after they got in the argument, she's got into physical fights with both him and my dad (probably big ones like 4-5 times a year?), she's threatened to throw herself down the stairs and kill herself (one time she did throw herself down the stairs but just ended up hurting her back)/has held a knife multiple times and threatened to kill herself. Every time someone gets in a big fight with her, I'm scared someone's going to die, and me and my siblings have literally been awake in fear all night some days because of this.\n\nShe is the perpetual victim in her mind. Every argument or fight is not because of her at all but is solely someone else's fault. I feel compelled to always apologize to her when we argue because she says stuff like everything that happened during the argument was my fault, and anything she may do to herself is my fault. I can't remember the last time anyone in the family has ever apologized to her; it's often the opposite way around after she victimizes herself/threatens to kill herself/we need to be let back into the house to eat or something after she's kicked us out. (She once accused me and my dad of having sex with each other when he took my side after she kicked me out of the house...that was fucking gross.) This isn't only my perception, every other person in the family has agreed with this assessment as well. \n\nLast year she was convinced she had cancer (she didn't) and kept telling everyone in the family it was our fault because we kept stressing her out and being bad people. She has incessantly monitored me and my siblings- she has the passwords to all our digital accounts and passwords, has our emails on her phone/checks them every hour and sees what we send, refuses to let me shut the door. She can be very emotionally abusive (like every day), calling me names like a bastard, telling me that I am an embarrassing child, she's ashamed to go in public with me, I'm fat (medically speaking I'm normal weight but I used to be underweight to the point of medical concern as I never ate), my homework is terrible quality, I'm going to be rejected from every college I apply to, nobody wants me (I get this every day), I will never get a job, I don't have any friends because I scare everyone I meet, I look like a monster, no one will every want to date/marry me, I look grotesque, even boys are better looking than me, and memorably twice, that she hopes I die in a car accident and that it would be easier for everyone in the family if I just killed myself. \n\nNothing I ever do is good enough for her- I have never gotten below a 97% in a class, got into a school with a <5% admit rate, yet I'm still fat. If I stop eating, then she ceases to criticize that and tells me I have horrible fashion or something like that. I feel like she hates me and doesn't love me; I'm scared that I'm incapable of having a healthy relationship (romantic and platonic) because I'm afraid no one will love me when they discover all my problems.\n\nThese are just from my memories- she gets in plenty of fights with my siblings and father too (and more physical for them) but the thing is about all of this is that when we confront her with specific things she has said or done, even just yesterday, she always denies she has said or done it. And it's the same with her always being the victim- she seems to really, truly, believe wholeheartedly that the truth is she never said or did such things. She will often say one thing (I just want you to be happy and stress-free!) and contradict herself in the next sentence (if you don't get a 2250 or higher on the SAT, you are a failure, will be rejected by all colleges, and it's unacceptable), but is completely oblivious when such contradictions are pointed out to each other. I never know when Nice Mom is going to become Fuck This Is Why I Hate Going Home From School Mom, and I'm kind of scared of her as a result. \n\nMy siblings too...we all think she has a mental illness, but she would literally never admit it because she is never, ever wrong. She has told us multiple times in the past that she is \"always right\" and even if she was wrong in predicting the future, she'll change what she remembers saying so that she's right (for instance, she kept saying my brother would get into this program and when he got rejected she was like \"and that's why I kept telling you to fix this part of your essay but you were so stubborn and never listened to me! I told you so! I'm always right!\" and all of us were like...wait you literally never said that....as usual.) We feel like if we ever brought her to a hospital, my dad would never speak against her, and she would lie on every questionnaire or psychiatrist question because she genuinely believes she is perfect and there's nothing wrong with her, and always denies saying these horrible things. Obviously I'm not going to take this as medical care or an official, the definitive diagnosis, but Redditor psychiatrists/therapists... do you think she has a mental illness, and if so, which one(s)? If so, what steps should I take next? If not, what do you think?\n\nThanks for reading all of this! ", "answer": "Yeah, whilst im very wary of diagnosing people's perception of relatives, she does sound somewhat personality disordered.\n\n[Personality disorders](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58rh4u", "comment_id": "d934et1"}, {"question": "What Birth Control is Less Likely to Give a Side Effect of Depression? (Looking at Both Pharmaceuticals and Holistic Remedies.)", "description": "I am in the USA and looking for a birth control option that will not result in my feeling depressed 24-7.  Specifically, I am taking birth control for the reason of needing to regulate my horrendous periods and lessen the amount of severe pain I am in each month and the amount of blood I lose.  When not on medication, I bleed through 16 pads per day - approximately one per half hour - and often have to stack a pad on top of another one to solve the clear issue of not being able to run to the restroom to change every half hour.  (I am not comfortable wearing tampons nor any internal capturing device, so these are out of the question for me.)  When also not on any medication for my hormones/periods, I use a TENS unit to help mitigate the amount of pain I am in each month.  Without the TENS unit, I would not be able to even move due to the severity of my pain.\n\nI have tried one birth control YEARS ago that I cannot remember the name of that gave me even worse depression than I am dealing with now from this current medication, and I am currently using Taytulla, which is still giving me a side effect of depression on a daily basis.  I am currently almost done with my second month of Taytulla out of a three-month plan a previous doctor gave to me.  The first month on the medication I didn't stop bleeding except for about four days out of the month; second month I seem to be normal and not bleeding; throughout both months I have been dealing with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts.  I am open to both pharmaceuticals and/or holistic approaches - whatever can help balance my hormones and not wack out my brain chemistry is what I'm looking for.\n\nAge: 24\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5' 2\"\n\nWeight: Approximately 137 lbs.\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: N/A\n\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Both reproductive system and brain\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues: Thyroid Nodule (3 cm lump in neck), PAT (heart condition), PMDD (never been diagnosed as such but I literally fit all the criteria for it that I've looked into, so I have good reason to believe I have it)\n\nCurrent medications: Levothyroxin and Taytulla\n\nMedications and other things I am allergic to/cannot take or use: Benedryl, Naproxen, Norco, and Latex", "answer": "If you're looking for a way to modify uterine chemistry without brain chemistry, one option is a hormonal IUD. I believe they've shown effectiveness for both dysmenorrhea (pain) and menorrhagia (heavy bleeding). The amount of systemic, circulating hormone is low enough that it likely wouldn't cause the depression.\n\nYou've mentioned PMDD. Do you feel depressed cyclical depression based on your periods even when not on birth control?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8qth1", "comment_id": "ejzlskn"}, {"question": "How do I balance respecting other people\u2019s boundaries with getting my needs met?", "description": "I\u2019m a 29 year old woman and I have some great friends who I really love. However, I spend a lot of my time feeling really lonely and alone in the world. \n\nI have a lot of friends who have partners and/or are really busy. I do not have a partner. \n\nThere are times, this evening being an example, where I feel sad or overwhelmed by life and doing something fun with a friend would really help. Social connection/social support helps with these things, right? However, when I contact my friends they\u2019re busy or feel sad themselves or just don\u2019t want to leave the house.\n\nI can understand and respect all of those things. But this means I remain alone and sad. And this seems to be a pattern that repeats over and over again.\n\nOne option is to push harder and say something like \u201cactually I really need a friend right now\u201d, but in the past that has tended to lead to people telling me I\u2019m putting too much pressure on them or generally getting annoyed with me. And I find it really uncomfortable to push my needs in this way, so I end up staying alone and sad and feeling lonely.\n\nHow do other people manage this tension between getting their needs met and respecting other people\u2019s boundaries?\n\nMy tendency is to be really passive and not speak up for things I need and want loudly enough. But that leaves me alone on an ongoing basis, yet trying to be more proactive about changing the situation by trying to make plans with friends doesn\u2019t seem to work either.\n\nWhat are your thoughts?", "answer": "Making a new friend is always possible. It may be scary, but on those evenings when you\u2019re feeling alone, try going someplace where you\u2019re likely to find some enjoyment and comfort (coffee shop? Movie? Concert?) and try interacting with another person who is there. It may or may not develop into a new friendship, but either way it brings a fresh perspective and some good conversation material for the next time you end up hanging out with your established friends.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ci9kw2", "comment_id": "ev2qrzs"}, {"question": "MS and psychosis , how do I get someone loved to professional help?", "description": "Dear redditors,\nI am coming to you in need of help. My mother is a few days over 50, ~1.6m, caucasian ,~60kg. She's been living for a few years with MS, she had slightly impaired walking and ocassional depression. For her medication she is taking Fampyra and Copaxone. Last year she visited the US and came across some sketchy \"doctors\", and they gave them some pills that preach to cure her disease and cancer and tumors and  help with weight loss. I knew it was all lies from the start but  I hoped that at least the placebo effect would help her feel a bit better. But lately they've been telling her (without my knowledge) to up her dosage, and she's been very agitated and unable to sleep for 5 days straight. She is very conflictual and starts fighting(argue,scream) around with everybody. She is starting to be delusional and misinterpret reality..She thinks my father wants to kill her and is afraid of him,even though he didn't threat her or anything(the most he did was raise his voice). Last night when she finally managed to get 3 hours of sleep I've heard her talk alone,like a dialogue between 2 or 3 persons, when I asked her why she was talking she said \"what?\" like she didn't know what happened and I've just awakened her,after a few moments she told me that the doctors from the US were doing a \"remote hypnosis\" on her.. When she woke up for good she was calm and coherent. I told her that she should stop taking those pills but she gets angry , drug addict-like, mad at me.  I've been trying to tell her that seeing a professional (both psychiatric and neurological) could be beneficial and help improve her health but she keeps saying that I am trying to lock her up in the mad house and that the doctors in my country are out dated and don't know the new \"methods\" and good \"medicine\". I don't know what to do. I am in need of help. Should I try and force her to the psychiatry clinic? Should I hide the medicine for a few days and see if she goes back to normal? I will fill up a FDA report for the sketchy medicine so that nobody else gets involved with them.", "answer": "Do you know what this medication is? It could be something dangerous to stop suddenly. In general I think this does need someone's attention; if your mother is afraid of psychiatry, perhaps she would be willing to see a neurologist.\n\nThis sounds like an extremely difficult situation for all of you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8cc7do", "comment_id": "dxdstkf"}, {"question": "Me (28F) and my Bf(29M) - Thinking of giving him a hall pass? Please advise.", "description": "Hello, \n\nI'd like to preface that \n1. I have zero trust issues with my bf\n2. I am 100% confident he loves me and I love him\n3. I don't want to hear just break up because I don't think at this point either one of us want that. \n\nSo my bf and I met in October last year. He had just gotten out of a 5 yr relationship. It was dead in the water for several years but neither cared enough to end it. Prior to that he had a 5 year relationship that ended because they were sick of the long distance. \n\nSo I knew he needed to \"sew his oats\" so to speak so I never put any specific kind of pressure on him. Figured he was prob sleeping around etc. I was totally fine with it. Fast forward 6 months. Many feelings developed, he told me several times he loved me. I never said it back. Until I really started to really genuinely have those feelings. That's also the point in which I said, I did love him and didn't want him seeing other people anymore because I was no longer comfortable with it. \n\nWe've definitely gone back and forth because he feels like he hasn't been able to \"do enough\". He has all these sexual fantasies he wants to fulfill. Initially he thought I would never be comfortable with them. Last night we had a genuine heart to heart about it all. Nothing was held back. All the things he did from the point in which I met him, etc. all the things I probably didn't want to hear but I did. \n\nThe end result is me being open to trying new things sexually with him. I've always wanted to be more comfortable sexually and he loves that I am on board with it. In the same regard, I am worried I might not be able to keep providing it. He thinks it's possible if I experiment with him enough, he will eventually be happy with just me. Since some of these experiences he wants to include other men and women. As in, a 3-some. \n\nI've thought about it and I am ok with trying it but I am also worried it might not fulfill him and eventually might lead to him cheating. Again, he doesn't think this is the case. \n\nI am considering giving him a hall pass in lieu of this. It won't bother me if there is no emotion tied behind it and it's just him doing things with people, safely. \n\nAm I completely insane? Am I going to regret this later? I haven't told him I am considering it and so far it's just been me agreeing to try these new things with him. I love him and know he loves me and won't ever cheat on me but I don't want him to resent me later on for holding him back. \n\nPlease share your thoughts. If anyone has given this to a spouse at some point etc. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about it so here I am turning to the internets. ", "answer": "you have to reckon with him not being ready for what you want in a rel.  you're trying to put out a fire with gasoline.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybnzz", "comment_id": "dmm79o9"}, {"question": "Grocery delivery is a game changer", "description": "Dude! I\u2019m a single mom to two pre-teens. To say my schedule is busy, is an understatement. And then there is my adhd. Grocery shopping was a nightmare for me and staying on top of everything needed to prepare meals on weeknights became unmanageable. We were eating like three different meals repetitively because I couldn\u2019t think past those. \n\nNow I use Shipt grocery delivery which not only frees up my time but keeps me in budget and no place to buy impulse items. Life changing!!! \n\nNow I\u2019m about to prepare homemade freezer meals and set a menu to make weeknight meals easy and predictable. I think half the battle is in making the decision, so if I eliminate that and structure it before hand, I can flow through the structured grid more seamlessly allowing me to focus more of my thinking capacity to engaging with my kiddos. I\u2019m super excited!\n\nI\u2019m 31 and was just diagnosed within the last month and started medication. My ability to be a parent and remain present in conversations with my children has greatly improved. I\u2019m thrilled to see how life can be now that I formally understand my brain/mind. \n\nIt\u2019s been super helpful reading through reddit and relating to all here. Thanks guys!! ", "answer": "Grocery delivery has helped me a lot too, although sometimes I get overwhelmed by searching items in the app and will put off doing THAT even! \ud83d\ude02", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ablgqq", "comment_id": "ed1b56a"}, {"question": "What up with executive function disorder?!", "description": "Wait, I thought my ADHD meant I have problems with executive function... but I just read that ADHD and executive function disorder are different things. Very confused... google not helping \ud83d\ude1e\n\nAnyone got any resources on the difference between the 2?", "answer": "Tldr: executive function deficit exists (R41.844) but is due to abnormal lab results not otherwise explained (generally physiological concerns). ADHD (F90.0) is a mental illness that has onset in childhood and is a specific psychological diagnosis. \n\nI am a clinical psychologist and work with neuropsychs that assess this.\n\nExecutive function disorder (aka executive function deficit) is a diagnosis in the ICD 10 (International Classification of Diseases). If it's the one you are talking about, you will note that it is coded R41.844. \n\nAll mental health diagnoses are F code not R. R codes include \"Symptoms, signs and abnormal clinical and laboratory findings, not elsewhere classified\". More specifically R40-49 includes \"Symptoms and signs involving cognition, perception, emotional state and behaviour\".\n\nThis is not my area of expertise but as you can see it is a somewhat mental health based category, however the difference is that it is the result of abnormal lab results or findings, generally physiological in nature. \n\nI don't know the diagnostic criteria for R41.844 but I'd say it may be to do with an acquired Brian injury or other causes. ADHD however, is code F90.0, and must have symptoms at birth, as well as other criteria, and is a psychological disorder.\n\nDifferences- so, the difference will really vary from person to person. If the onset of symptos has been in adulthood it won't be ADHD, if there is a history of brain trauma it may be  executive disorder. Also, intellectual disability, genes etc. All changes which diagnosis is made.\n\nAs for how it will look, the impact of an executive disorder will probably be more apparent (depending on the person) and there will be less wide spread issues elsewhere. Often the executive disorder effects one specific part of the persons life to a large degree whereas ADHD tends to be milder but more widespread.\n\nAlso, I don't know because I don't diagnose this disorder but it is oftentimes used as a \"place holder\" or a \"provisional\" diagnosis that may be changed later when the doctors know more. F54 \"Psychological and behavioural factors associated with disorders or diseases classified elsewhere\" is a similar thing, here we diagnose with this broad diagnosis whilst we figure out the specific one.\n\nHope this helps.\n\nEdit: didn't explain thus great. Feel free to ask questions.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c9nrn7", "comment_id": "et1dtuw"}, {"question": "Serotonin syndrome question", "description": "Age- 35\n\nSex- male\n\nRace- Caucasian\n\nGeographic location- USA\n\nHealth issues- undiagnosed anxiety\n\nMedications- none\n\nI have a question about something my fianc\u00e9 went through yesterday. On Tuesday he began talking about some really odd things that sounded very paranoid to me and even delusional. We talked it through and I told him I was worried about him, but we got through the rest of the day without issue. Then yesterday, he had an appointment and I came home to find him on the couch under a blanket and not looking well. I asked what was wrong, and he said he thought the people at the doctors office were trying to keep him there and the fbi was out to get him, etc. He couldn\u2019t answer a question straight and would go off on random paranoid tangents. We both work in acute mental health, and I knew something was seriously wrong, so we went to a local psych crisis center. They sent him to the ER because he made the comment that he \u201cwanted to die\u201d. What\u2019s important to know here, and how serotonin syndrome may come in, is that he smokes marijuana daily. I also noticed that some of my Rx pain medication was gone (5-7 pills of Trazodone and Oxycodone). I asked if he had taken them and he said no, but his memory of the last few days is very bad and he can\u2019t recall much. I\u2019m wondering if A) if he had THC and Trazodone in his system, could this type of psychotic reaction occur or is it likely just the marijuana? And B) does serotonin syndrome ever manifest in psychosis? It important to not here that about 13 years ago, he stayed a few days at an inpatient psych center for the same type of behavior, but at that time he was doing a lot of hallucinogens like acid and LSD. Any advice or information is welcome. Thank you ", "answer": "It takes a ton of trazodone, or a combination with other serotonergic drugs, to produce serotonin syndrome. The syndrome can include hallucinations and paranoia, but those are usually late symptoms, and hyperthermia, tremor, GI disturbance, and other physical symptoms appear first.\n\nI would be inclined to say it\u2019s an effect of marijuana, possibly including adulterants, both because it fits the picture better and because it\u2019s more clear that he used marijuana than your pills.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajwbri", "comment_id": "eezdnwk"}, {"question": "Surgery is done abroad. where to do PostCare in the US ?", "description": "19, Male, 5' 8'', 175 lb, Middle Eastern, lower back, Tempe, AZ\n\n​\n\nMy brother did a pilonidal cyst surgery 2 weeks ago and now he's getting back to the US for college. The surgeon instructed him to find a place to change dressing daily and remove the surgical stitches when the wound has healed . not sure who to schedule an appointment with\n\ncalled the hospital: they told me appointment can't be scheduled. he has to have a Primary care doctor or he can enter the ER without an appointment\n\ncalled Urgent care: they were not sure the assistant physicians can help him\n\nSince the dressing needs to be changed daily, whats the best place to go to in terms spending the least amount of time there wait.\n\nI would prefer he doesn't go to the ER as that tends to be 9-11 hours wait. he has insurance that will cover everything\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "He could go to the Student Health Center of his college.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aeq3dm", "comment_id": "edru9uj"}, {"question": "Am I overthinking conversations? ", "description": "When I have conversations with people (mostly online ones) I have a constant fear of annoying them or being uninteresting/boring.  For example, I want to avoid lulls in the conversation as much as possible so I tend to be very long winded.  However, sometimes after a while they seem to be less interested in the conversation.  \n\nSometimes even when starting one, I am very hesitant to because I fear that the person will not want to talk to me even though we are pretty good friends.  This especially so, when it's with someone who tends to be very sparse in the content of their replies.  \n\nWhat are some ways I can continue on or start a conversation without being self conscious about being annoying or boring?  ", "answer": "I wrote a [conversation guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) with tips on having good conversation flow, asking questions that get good replies, etc. I think it will help you :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "xd6jh", "comment_id": "c5ll85f"}, {"question": "My mom wants me to take a (supposedly) autism-allieving antibiotic?", "description": "Hi, guys. Last night, my mother and I watched [this episode](http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/autism-enigma.html) of David Suzuki's *The Nature of Things* on autism and a new theory that autism is caused by neurotoxin producing gut-bacteria. Now that she's seen it, my mother is pushing me to take an antibiotic called Acidophilus which (according to the program) is supposed to kill this bacteria, in the hopes that it will alleviate some of my social issues related to my Aspergers. \n\nI'm really not sure how I feel about this. My mom has always been supportive (she was the one that noticed my symptoms and suggested that I get tested), but I feel like she's hoping that this antibiotic will \"cure\" me. I'm fine with who I am but I don't want anybody to treat me as though I have a mental illness that can be cured. Has anybody else had a similar experience? What are your thoughts on the theory? I'm open to hearing any thoughts and opinions you guys have.", "answer": "Ask your mom to become educated about autism:\n\nI bought everyone in my family a copy of this book, and when I told them I had autism, I told them the best thing they could do for me was to read this:\n\nhttp://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843104954\n\nI am not claiming that this is the perfect book, but it is thorough, and learning about and understanding your loved one is often the best thing you can do for them.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xmz2n", "comment_id": "c5nw3ln"}, {"question": "Why back muscles have strain and pain while front muscles(abs pectoral etc) never do?", "description": "I do office work. Got a lot of back and neck muscles strain.\n\nBut even people don't do such work would agree with me that back muscles got pain much easier than front ones.\n\nAnd you see cupping marks usually on the back.\n\nCan someone explain this?", "answer": "Wrong sub...this is for mental health therapists not physical therapists. \u263a\ufe0f", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "byrren", "comment_id": "eqkxmr7"}, {"question": "Is this something women do?", "description": "Long story short, women hate me. They have hated me my entire life. After 24 years I have gotten use to it. I get it that I am an ugly guy and I will get treated like shit by them. I have not had a female friend for about 12 years so I am new to this whole interacting with women thing especially in my adult life. \n\nMy \"friend\" does not want to hang out with me which is fine. I will always be her texting buddy. In the past she has abruptly stopped texting me. Recently, I have tried not to get too involved in our conversation. Every time I try to create some distance she finds a way to keep our conversation going. As soon as I invest into talking to her she stops texting me. Like just now I see her tweeting but she can't reply to my text. Is it something that women just do?", "answer": "Women do not hate you unless you are doing something to make them hate you. Ask yourself seriously-- are you doing something to make them hate you? There's not much here to go on other than the fact that you say all women hate you...that seems to suggest the problem is with you.\n\nWomen are not a different species. They are people. If you are treating them as \"not people\" that's a good reason right there for them to avoid you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2h3kmm", "comment_id": "ckp3a97"}, {"question": "Therapy is triggering for me. Medication?", "description": "It's all pretty much in the title, but I'll go into a little more detail here. \n\n​\n\nBasically, I have had depression and anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember. I'm in my mid-20's now, but I even remember being a little kid and getting anxious about certain things. My depression and anxiety was never so bad where it stopped me from performing the tasks I needed to (graduated from high school with good grades, went to a good school, got a job, did my job well/always showed up, etc.). I've just always felt like I walk around with a cloud over me. I went through something pretty traumatic over the summer and decided to start seeing a therapist. In therapy, we talked about my upbringing and all of the stuff I went through at the hands of my bipolar/narcissistic mother. I found myself feeling down after every session. It was almost like talking about my childhood/teenage years was triggering for me because it brought back all of those old memories. Well, I decided to stop seeing my therapist because he would spend 25% of the session talking about himself and I thought that was inappropriate/a waste of my money. He was very nice, but I just didn't think it was appropriate for me to know my therapist's life story. If that is normal, please let me know. It was my first therapist so maybe that is typical. So, basically I'm wondering if there is a way to have a positive experience with therapy if you happen to be one of those people who is triggered by the discussion of past traumas. Is this normal? \n\n​\n\nI should also mention that my therapist was \"just\" a social worker. I'm wondering if I meet with someone who has more credentials, maybe I'll have a better, more helpful experience. \n\n​\n\nAnd finally, I have an appointment next week with my PCP to get started on an antidepressant. I'm just sick of feeling this way. But I've heard that for some, antidepressants don't work. \n\n​\n\nAny help or advice is very much appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "Therapist here! I'm a mental health counselor, not a social worker.\n\n\"Normal\" is a very subjective word. In answering some of your questions, I will use some different language.\n\nI always tell my new clients that therapy is difficult. There are times where you walk in feeling great, and leave feeling no-so-great. I'm the kind of clinician that can push my clients once I feel they are resilient enough to handle it. That uncomfortability can drive progress and understanding if directed in an appropriate way. As they develop mastery, I make them more involved in their own therapy process- \"should we go here today? How far do you think we can push this particular topic and let you process? What kinds of things can we do right now to help you cope with these thoughts/feelings?\" It's all about giving you the skills to do this on your own. So, it makes sense that you might have times where you feel worse after a session. The real question here is, what is being done during those hard moments to inspire growth?\n\nSpending 25% of the session having the therapist talk about their own personal life is a bit much, IMO. I would say the typical amount of time spent self-disclosing (that's what we call it professionally) is between 3-5% of a session TOPS Usually it's a minute or two talking about how the week has been, or putting in a sentence about going through something or knowing something during a story. Nothing more. Like you said, you pay your therapist to listen and help you, not to have them talk about themselves to you.\n\nUsing medication to help lessen the symptoms in the short term and talking with your doctor about your options is a great idea. It is true that you may not respond to the first medication you are prescribed: be observant about what goes on for you (positive and negative) and work with your doctor to find a medication and dosage that gives you the best balance. Lots of folks give up pretty quickly after not seeing relatively immediate results; don't fall into this trap.\n\nI would wholly advocate finding another therapist that might mesh better with you and offer a different environment. You are always free to look up and ask providers about their credentials, I always advocate for an informed consumer and welcome any questions my clients have. If you are looking for someone more generally trained in clinical modalities and approaches, you might consider a mental health counselor, marriage and family therapist, or psychologist over a social worker. Social workers get trained in some therapeutic practices too, but often times they have to seek out additional training after their programs to get truly competent in it. The other professionals I mentioned get more intensive training during their schooling and are more prepared for that stuff out the door.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e3yeo8", "comment_id": "f95ol7j"}, {"question": "Marriage advice pls!", "description": "I am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...Although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...Almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? Thanks..", "answer": "He's an alcoholic. Only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. Give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "docy5oe"}, {"question": "What does the presence of Fetor Hepaticus mean for the brain?", "description": "Age: 52\n\nHeight: 5'0\n\nWeight: \\~150\n\nDiagnoses: cirrhosis for many years (continues to drink), pancreatitis, Barrett's esophagus (most recent diagnosis \\~2 years ago), enlarged heart\n\n​\n\nI'm just trying to figure out what I can expect for my mom. Thanks.", "answer": "Fetor hepaticus is a late symptom of liver failure; it means that the liver is not working to the point that blood is bypassing it and toxins that would normally be removed by the liver are circulating to the lungs and being expelled with breath. One of the chemicals that builds up is ammonia, which is toxic to brain function and causes hepatic encephalopathy. That's the medical term for confusion, delirium, and reduced consciousness because of brain dysfunction.\n\nLiver damage is a little bit unpredictable, and there are other reasons for bad or strange breath smells besides fetor hepaticus, but if the smell has changed it's important for her to get to a liver doctor and try to preserve liver function. And stop drinking, because ultimately the only treatment for liver failure is a transplant, and active drinking gets in the way of getting listed for transplantation.\n\nGood luck to you and your mom. Liver disease can be very hard to watch, especially if it's in a loved one who isn't doing what you would want to recover or at least stabilize.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b3u1u0", "comment_id": "ej26hdu"}, {"question": "How can I stop liking bad boys?", "description": "Why do I find it extremely attractive when a guy is controlling? It's so damaging. Why do I imagine a guy hitting me as attractive! How unbelievably stupid am I to find that attractive. I'm ashamed\n\nI'm 18 (F) with daddy issues. I know why. The question is how do I stop. \nI don't want to get with any guy or give a guy any part of me because I know that with who I choose they will hurt me or fuck me over.\n", "answer": "Just in case \"go to therapy\" hasn't been reiterated enough, I'm going to beat that dead horse. \n\nTherapy. \n\nKnowing the reason you have daddy issues isn't enough--I suspect your \"knowing\" consists of acknowledging that you have an absent father figure who sucked. This is not enough. \n\nTherapy will help you see the ways in which that relationship (because whether he's there or not, the relationship exists for you) shaped your sense of self, how you seek safety, how you view relationships, and how all of that manifests in sexual desire. \n\nThis can take a lot of time, but you're very young so if you start now you have a solid chance at eventually making some healthy romantic choices that will break whatever familial cycles have led to this for you. \n\nPlease, your insurance will help and this is potentially one of the greatest gifts you can give your future self--not to mention future children if that's the road you choose to go down. \n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "701da6", "comment_id": "dmzoqfs"}, {"question": "Could I have an alcohol allergy?", "description": "Alright, I know than overindulgence with alcoholic beverages leads to a lot of generally unpleasant symptoms. The thing is that I seem to get the hangover after drinking very small amounts of alcohol. \n\nLast night I had a drink at a family party. A drink. Not even a full solo cup. And it wasn't a potent drink. Vodka, water and a crystal lite water flavor packet. I sipped at it over an hour after dinner and had maybe a third? My brothers teased me for it. I didn't feel bad or tipsy from it at all.\n\n I went to bed a few hours or later and woke up in the middle of the night sweating, nauseated, lightheaded and dizzy. I couldn't sit up without wanting to vomit(I didn't actually vomit but did dry heave). My hands and feet were also very itchy. \n\nThis lasted for roughly an hour and half before the dizziness, sweating and itchiness went away. I still feel very weak stomached and cannot sit, stand or move my head to quickly without getting very dizzy and feeling like vomiting. \n\nWhile this is the first time that I've had such a severe reaction I do know that drinking in any amount has always left me wobbly stomached. Despite being a 22 yr old female, I don't drink very often. When I do drink it is small amounts of white wine or beer. Never more than one glass/can. I have had vodka before when i turned 21 and I didn't have this sort of severe reaction. \n\nI apologize for the long post. I am concerned though that I might have or be developing some sort of allergy for alcohol and if I should mention that possibility to my gp.", "answer": "Are you on any prescribed medication or use any illicit substances?\n\nDo you use perfumes etc? If so, it's not an allergy in the classical sense, per se.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6tffzm", "comment_id": "dlknmq9"}, {"question": "Me [25/M] Struggling To Deal With Weird Tension/Not Opening Up With Close Friend (25/F)", "description": "Yo, need to get this off my chest so it's a long one. So me and my friend have known each other for two years. It started off as just hanging out but I became rather attached and we kissed a couple of times but it didn't really lead to anything because I had no idea what I was doing and she 'couldn't let me like her' (she's been hurt in the past over and over again apparently and is very insecure unfortunately).\n\nThat was over a year and a half ago but we've kept in touch. There was a period where she had a boyfriend and I was just pretty much heartbroken after thinking she wasn't ready for a relationship, so I gave myself some space between us. When I felt better we started talking again and at this point I had a girlfriend. We actually met for a drink and it was nice and she was actually full of praise for me and complemented me a lot but she continuously made comments full of regret.\n\nFor example, I want kids (she really does too) and we spoke about them for ages and she told me: \"it's so nice that you like kids, most guys I know don't\" or \"Look at you going out every other day, I never get to out, this is like a treat for me\". She always talked about how she never goes out for drinks and gigs, basically the things I know she loves doing (we have an incredible amount in common so we just sort of get each other).\n\nAbout a month later I broke up with my girlfriend and this is where things get complicated. I ask her if she wants to go to a gig and she says she wants to but will let me know later. She then says no and I ask why. Her answer is \"It's because you don't have a girlfriend anymore and it's difficult and complicated to explain (even as friends) about why i'm going out with someone who isn't the usual guy\". \n\nSo she actually has been in a relationship even though her comments made me think she was alone and now she won't explain or open up about her boyfriend. It's fair enough and I don't want to know any details specifically about him but she doesn't sound happy and I want her to be doing the fun things that she likes and being happy.\n\nThese past two weeks she has been kind of ignoring me. Basically she suggested going for a drink with me (she's never asked me to hang out before, I would always make plans) and then she stopped replying when I gave her a time because she got scared of meeting up. I knew she regretted asking me but why can't she be honest with me? We even saw each other in person for the past two nights oddly enough but we just said hi and when I asked for a quick catch-up, she said it might be weird so I just went home.\n\nI'm currently putting some space between us because I don't want to complicate things for her but I really need to tell her how I feel (love) which I can't do whilst she has a boyfriend.\n\nRight now my thinking is that I should just leave her alone for a few weeks then ask her how everything is with her life and relationship. \n\nIs this the right move? I'm not going to put my life on hold for her, if something comes along whilst i'm waiting then i'll go for it. I do need some advice though as i've never felt this way about someone and I think we go great together. Even if she doesn't feel the same, I reckon i'll need some closure.", "answer": "Unless you think she'd be thrilled to know you're in love with her, hold off.  Check in periodically and in the mean time live your life.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69lgdf", "comment_id": "dh7geg6"}, {"question": "Does this sound like asthma?", "description": "Hi everyone. I'm a 21F, Indian, 5'6\", 98lbs. I've had this issue on and off pretty much my entire life. I always assumed I was just out of shape, but my symptoms have been progressively getting worse. I've had a cough every morning for 7 years, with thick mucus, shortness of breathe whenever I exert myself (even just walking from my car to work/home/etc), tightness in my chest, difficulty sleeping, and pressure on my chest when I lay down(it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest). Even now I am just sitting on my couch and having some difficulty breathing. It's not impossible for me to breathe, I just slight discomfort and have to work a little harder than a normal person. \n\nI've always tried working out, push through the shortness of breathe, thinking I'd eventually get used to it, but I've been doing mild workouts (brisk walking, pilates) for 2 years and the shortness of breathe persists. I can't even advance my workouts because I get so out of breathe.\n\nThe only history I have is Ulcerative Colitis, I was diagnosed in Jan this year. I take 300mg Lialda every day, no other meds. When I was in the hospital for my UC, I had an anaphylactic reaction to Compazine. My nurse gave me IV benadryl and steroids, and I could instantly breathe *so much easier*. I honestly wouldn't have realized how hard I've been working to breathe if it wasn't for the steroids & benadryl.  \n\nIs this worth bringing up to my doctor? When I was in the hospital, I told my doctors I was short of breathe, but they thought it was from the dehydration and blood loss my UC flare up caused. I tried to explain that I'd had the problem for a while, and was brushed off since I had more acute problems at the time. I felt kind of silly even complaining about it, so I thought I'd ask here and see if it sounds like asthma or some other issue.\n\n", "answer": "You should bring it up to your doctor, because diagnosis and treatment are linked. If some inhaled short\\-acting beta agonist makes you breathe easier, it's asthma and you should be treated accordingly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fw4rs", "comment_id": "dy6xodz"}, {"question": "Whats the psychology/neuroscience behind edmr?", "description": "I believe edmr stands for Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing\n\nI know edmr is a treatment for trauma that has the therapist do techniques like have the client visually trace the therapist's fingers, etc \n\nCan someone give an explanation for how edmr treats trauma and the psychology/neuroscience behind the treatment?\n\nIt would be interesting to read about a link between eye movement and memories/memory processing.", "answer": "Just a note that this is VERY controversial in the field currently. \n\nFrom APA Division 12 (Clinical Psych): \n\n\"The theoretical basis for EMDR is that PTSD symptoms result from insufficient processing/integration of sensory, cognitive, and affective elements of the traumatic memory. The bilateral eye movements are proposed to facilitate information processing and integration, allowing clients to fully process traumatic memories. The efficacy of EMDR for PTSD is an extremely controversial subject among researchers, as the available evidence can be interpreted in several ways. On one hand, studies have shown that EMDR produces greater reduction in PTSD symptoms compared to control groups receiving no treatment. On the other hand, the existing methodologically sound research comparing EMDR to exposure therapy without eye movements has found no difference in outcomes. Thus, it appears that while EMDR is effective, the mechanism of change may be exposure \u2013 and the eye movements may be an unnecessary addition. If EMDR is indeed simply exposure therapy with a superfluous addition, it brings to question whether the dissemination of EMDR is beneficial for patients and the field. However, proponents of EMDR insist that it is empirically supported and more efficient than traditional treatments for PTSD. In any case, more concrete, scientific evidence supporting the proposed mechanisms is necessary before the controversy surrounding EMDR will lift.\" https://www.div12.org/treatment/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/\n\nFolks who support EMDR as a MECHANISM (versus as simple exposure therapy that's been re-branded to seem extra fancy) typically either propose that the bilateral movements tax working memory and thus lead to an extra \"distancing\" from the event, that it somehow affects sleep and lets you process while you sleep, or that it grounds folks and helps with mindfulness.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fp81zw", "comment_id": "flk9cyf"}, {"question": "Why are SSRI\u2019s prescribed for anxiety?", "description": "Hello, \n\nI\u2019m currently in school for my BSN and in school we learned that patients with anxiety often have high levels of serotonin (in contrast with depression where serotonin levels are usually low) so I\u2019m wondering then why a serotonin reuptake INHIBITOR is prescribed for those with anxiety when their serotonin levels would already be high? ", "answer": "We don't understand neurotransmission of affective disorders like depression and anxiety well. In fact, we barely know anything at all. From what I can see, this comes from one small study \\([Serotonin Synthesis and Reuptake in Social Anxiety Disorder](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2319711)\\). I've also seen at least one study that found anxiety could be replicated and SSRI effect prevented by depleting synaptic serotonin, but I can't find it at the moment.\n\nAt a very basic level, we don't know. We prescribe SSRIs because they seem to help, although not always and not always to the same degree. Psychiatry is still much more empirical than mechanistic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ezvkb", "comment_id": "dxzid5q"}, {"question": "I'm worried I may be experiencing psychosis - help?", "description": "For the last few months my depression and anxiety has been through the roof. I've not been a good place.\n\nWhat I'm experiencing isn't so much delusions, more so paranoias, revolving around the theme of people being a product of my imagination. I can rationalize that these paranoias are untrue, but still they bother me. I sometimes get paranoid that my SO is a sort of higher power, who's leading me on a certain path. I get paranoid that he can hear my thoughts and knows what I'm doing when we're not together.\n\nWe've had a lot of arguments lately, which are caused by me getting stuck in extremely negative thought loops, and I hear everything he says as a criticism. I begin to believe he doesn't really love or care about me or even like me anymore.\n\nI'm scared to be alone. I see shadows, I get this bothersome feeling that I'm not alone. It freaks me out.\n\nI don't know what to do anymore. I miss feeling sane. Anyone else experience anything like this? I'm in therapy but haven't spoken to anyone about these specific concerns because I feel embarrassed about it.", "answer": "Paranoia is a common form of psychosis though less recognized because it seems more plausible.  Truly, medication may help.  Think about seeing a psychiatrist.  ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "30hk7g", "comment_id": "cptt5jy"}, {"question": "What are the steps to becoming a therapist?", "description": "I'm looking to retrain as a therapist - I'm 27! - and COVID19 has put my current job at threat.The end-goal is to practice in the private sector as a compassion-focused therapist. What are the steps to get me there? \n\nUndergrad degree, then a MA/Diploma in the chosen methodology? Is there a different way to get to this? \n\nAny advice will be so SO helpful xx", "answer": "If you have not completed an undergraduate degree, yup, that's a good place to start! Psychology is a particularly good major option, but there are other totally fine choices such as Human Services or Social Work. \n\nTypically, to be a competitive grad school applicant for a licensable Master's degree, you would want some sort of experience in a helping role with a vulnerable population. This could be work, volunteering, or internships. \n\nThen, you would apply to graduate school. Commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling, MFT, and Social Work. These will usually be about two years.\n\nAfter that, you will need to meet your state's licensure standards, which means, among other things, practicing under someone else's license and getting supervision for your therapy work. The exact amount of time to get licensed will vary by degree path, specific licensure, and state.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbe73l", "comment_id": "fvafc8w"}, {"question": "Is most medical advice online bull shit?", "description": "I'm asking because I often find people on forums contradicting what my specialist doctor is saying, so who should I trust?", "answer": "The irony of asking this online...\n\nDoctors have trained for a long time to have the knowledge and skills necessary to help people. It's possible for us to be wrong, and it's possible for random internet strangers to be right, but I would never, without very good specific reason, assume non-doctors know better.\n\nYou can always bring up what the internet says to your specialist and see what he or she says in response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8umr99", "comment_id": "e1ghy89"}, {"question": "Anyone else sick of how drinking is portrayed in American culture?", "description": "Everywhere I look it\u2019s another meme, post, or T-shirt that is supposed to be cute or funny about drinking, being drunk or having a drinking problem. I\u2019m so confused as to why it\u2019s being shoved down our throats constantly. Is alcoholism cute and funny?! It\u2019s really sad to me and it\u2019s no wonder so many of us have a problem.  So many people die because of alcohol. Alcoholism, making impaired decisions, drunk driving, etc. It isn\u2019t funny.\n", "answer": "Ireland ... you guessed it... bad too. Today we were in a restaurant where neither my husband or i had an alchoholic drink. When the bill came it was on a small tray under 6 wine bottle corks for effect.I found that weird. I know the restaurant is really into its wine but it seemed out of place and trying too hard ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8uzp2d", "comment_id": "e1kbir8"}, {"question": "Advise from a outside perspective", "description": "Been dealing with mental issues for awhile and the main issue im struggling to find reason in life ,i told im young and my whole life is a ahead of me i just dont know what to do i dont feel welcome in my own family and when they do try i shut them out ,i cant help but feel like ive fucked everything up already and that everything is a joke.\nI Don't whether its because this is such a big stage in my life i just don't know where to turn i don't feel like anyone cares i feel belittled by therapy sometimes i just feel like i should end it but never do because i cant bare to think how easily i would be forgotten .\nI want to be with everyone and on my own i want people to be near bu cant bare to be a disappointment i dont know whether im writing on here for my mind or because i want help.\nMy family seem to think its a joke i try to talk when i discuss it they make me feel bad like the way i feel is my fault i try but fail when i do get close to people i ruin everything this it ", "answer": "I think it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone about what you're feeling. You seem to have a lot on your mind, and sorting all of it out could really help you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "45mnn1", "comment_id": "czyyquf"}, {"question": "I just need advice..[f,23] (conflicted)", "description": "I recently tried anal with my boyfriend and we both enjoyed it and have used a butt plug as well. I asked him to use the butt plug and my small vibrator on me at the same time and of course I wanted to have sex as well. He flat out said no and gave me no reason why. Am I asking too much?? Is it too weird?? I still wanna try it and I even wanna be hand cuffed and blind folded but I don't think it'll ever be more than a fantasy...", "answer": "nothing is weird between 2 consenting adults.  everyone just has to be in a comfort zone.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dy81r", "comment_id": "di69xkh"}, {"question": "Since cellphone radiation causes brain tumors, and visible light is thousands of times more powerful than cellphone radiation, will sleeping with a light on give me cancer?", "description": "Ummm I'm 24, white male...and I like to sleep with a lamp next to my bed, since I find it relaxing. I usually leave my computer monitor on too..just because my computer's old and I don't want to keep restarting it as it takes ages to boot up..\n\nBut I read that lamps and monitors give out visible light which is a form of EMF radiation, and yellow light (like the kind the lamp emits) is over a thousand times more powerful than the radiation given off by a cellphone and when I'm sleeping my head is being exposed to that light for a solid 8+ hours. Does this mean I have a heightened risk of cancer or I'm 1,000 times more likely to get cancer compared to using a phone for 8+ hours?", "answer": "There's a very detailed and public\\-friendly article about it on [cancer.gov](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/radiation/cell-phones-fact-sheet#q4) and the tl;dr version is that if there's any link between cell phones and cancer, it's very weak. Not all electromagnetic radiation is created equal, obviously, and for light it seems clear that ultraviolet frequencies are dangerous to DNA and can cause cancer while the visible spectrum does not cause cancer. At least as far as we know. Since no one lives an entire lifetime in darkness, nor would anyone want to, it's a moot point.\n\nIn any case, compared to the normal exposure to light from everyday life, having a lamp on at night is a negligible increase.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jhttf", "comment_id": "dyzsn2b"}, {"question": "My best friend (f20) and me (f20) about my sex experience?", "description": "My friend and i  havent been catching up for a long time from being busy but we met up recently and it was a fun day. \nThe only thing however that i cant stop thinking about and feeling bothered is when she would ask if we did it together (sex) \nAnd we already talked about my relationship, but i feel like she wanted to hear more from it (sex) and go into my business with my relationship. She would ask \"soooo with your bf did you do anything'\" then right after she'd tell me that if im uncomfortable i didnt have to tell ger, but for some reason i told her about it because there was alittle pressure on her saying that, as well as it was so sudden i just say yeah\nI got into details since she would ask me and i was fine at that time but now that i realize, i feel alittle strange thinking that it's not her business afterall and we havent met in a while\n- especially when she would ask me if i bled, how long it took, where i had sex, etc. \n\nLike i get that she was curious but idk \nI kind of hate myself for this and i've been feeling grossed. I told her not to see me differently and she said of course but obviously she will you know \nBut the point is, i regret that I told her because i always tell her my personal secrets which is fine, but felt just too soon, like it wouldve been better if i told her about it instead of her asking :(\n\nI was crying about it the morning, is this normal?\n\nI lost my virginity with him and my friend obviously assumed before that i was a virgin\n\n\nTL;DR: i regret telling my best friend about my sex experience", "answer": "That's a sad story. You'll move on and think twice about revealing very personal stuff next time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6exbid", "comment_id": "didv3ul"}, {"question": "Should I just cut this girl off?", "description": "I met a girl on Reddit about 2 months ago and we had an instant chemistry. We went on to be really close for that time, messaging constantly throughout the day, videocalling for hours in the evening, sharing everything about our lives and being emotionally supportive to one another, sending gifts and we ended up falling for each other pretty hard and promised that we were going to work out a plan to meet in person. \n\nThen last week she went on an internet detox if you will, and then said that despite being romantically interested in me, there were too many factors in the way of taking it further, and that she was reconciling with her ex partner, but that she thinks I'm an amazing person and would love to be my friend. I was pretty crushed for a few days, but understand her reasoning. I questioned her request to be friends, but she said that genuinely, she really cares about me and would love to still have me in her life.\n\nNow it's like the absolute polar opposite of how we used to be. Anytime we chat she always finds a reason to go after 5 minutes and if I message her first then she doesn't respond for hours, sometimes until the next day despite being active. For example, tonight she messaged me and asked me how my day was. I responded to her and it took her 10 minutes to reply. I reply straight away and again it takes her another 10 minutes to respond. I again respond right away and then she has gone off fb without responding or even saying goodbye. I'm 6 hours ahead of her and I get the feeling she messaged me initially expecting me to be asleep,  but when I reply she's waiting me out hoping that I get tired and fall asleep. She's explained it by saying that she has disabled notifications on her phone because they are irritating. \n\nI'm just confused. I'd gladly be her friend, I care about her and I think she's a great person and we really get on. But I'm not up for bs mind games, fuck that. If she would just tell me that she's not interested in talking to me then so be it, I'm not going to cry about it, I'll just delete, block and move on, because as much as I like her I'm not going to waste my time and mental energy on somebody who doesn't give a shit. The only thing I'm holding onto is the person I knew for those 2 months, she was literally my best friend for that time and I miss that. She's given hints that she genuinely wants to talk, like telling me to watch a certain show so that we can talk about it, but Idk if it's part of some mind game she's playing, trying to make me go crazy for her or something so that she gets an ego boost. It's doing the opposite, I'm losing respect and attraction for her every time she does this.\n\nIs she just playing games?", "answer": "She may be completely honest about wanting to be friends. She may also be worried about leading you on and trying to distance herself so that you lose feelings for her. Before she was talking to you and you both were into trying to make it more. She\u2019s now gotten back with her ex so may be scared he will get mad if she\u2019s talking to someone who\u2019s got feelings for her. As friends she\u2019s not going to be able to talk as much as you did because things have changed. She may have genuinely had feelings for you as well, but she\u2019s having to put them away for whatever her reasons are (distance and thinking realistically about how you would continue any kind of relationship). \n\n\nOr yes she liked the attention and you made her feel good (sounds like she was fresh out of a relationship and was feeling insecure and down on herself). Doesn\u2019t mean she didn\u2019t mean things she said, but she made the choice (right or not) to go back to her ex. She might be too scared to just end things totally with you. So it\u2019s up to you to decide if you want a limited friendship (which may not meet your needs as a friend). Or you say sorry this isn\u2019t going to work for me because I feel like we are less than friends now. It sucks and I\u2019m sorry that her behaviour is hurtful. It sucks when we have chemistry with someone that seems great and they don\u2019t work out for whatever reason.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fss8pj", "comment_id": "fm37dp5"}, {"question": "Please help, dehydrated, nauseous, headaches, and can't sleep because of it!", "description": "Age: 18\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 6\"0\n\nWeight: 280\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration: Past few days\n\nLocation: North Dakota, USA, Pain in head, stomach, muscles\n\nExisting medical issues: none that I can think of\n\nCurrent medications: Adderall Immediate Release 20mg\n\nPhoto: None required\n\n​\n\nTo summarize I was a little reckless a few days ago with my medication in preparing for a test and took more than my daily dosage to have an all-night study binge. After the effects wore off I've been having stomach cramps and nausea, muscle cramps, stiffness, headaches ranging in levels of pain, and some dizziness/confusion. I believe that I'm dehydrated based on the color of my urine and how difficult it is to get anything out, even when I feel the urge to urinate. I'm having a difficult time eating or drinking anything (no matter how bland) because of nausea and the only thing I was able to get down was a McDonald's meal last night (strange I know, but this morning I tried to drink water and  eat some yogurt and couldn't bring myself to force it down). In terms of sleep, I've only slept about 8 hours total in the past 3 days because of the pains. I haven't taken my dosage for 2 days because I fear it will make my symptoms worse. \n\nMy questions are: Am I going through withdrawal or something and will feel better if I get back to taking 2 a day? Or, is this the cause of other problems such as sleep deprivation, dehydration, and not eating? And finally, what do you recommend I do? Should I try to sleep by taking Zzzquil or something? Or, should I take care of the nausea and try to eat/drink regularly again? Are there any good recommendations for alleviating nausea such as an OTC medication? I've tried Pepto Bismol and Tums and they don't seem to help.\n\n​", "answer": "Well basically you're going through symptoms if someone was misusing amphetamines... Should settle down though.\n\nIf you feel able to overmedicate for academic purposes, is the medication actually necessary for you?\n\n(don't do it again!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq8yvm", "comment_id": "egehxb8"}, {"question": "[19/m] just hooked up with a girl I really like...", "description": "I just hooked up with a girl a few hours ago, and I'd like to continue, but I'm not sure what to text her in the morning without sounding too desperate. I was gonna go with \"hey, let's keep whatever we did last night between us. I'm obviously not embarrased or anything, I just wanna make sure what happens between us stays between us. Our business shouldn't be everyones business, noimsayin?\" What do you guys think? Depending on her reply, I'd probably try to slide into asking her to dinner, then netflix and chill or smth.", "answer": "Thing is, if you send that text, she probably won't be jumping in bed with you again (I certainly wouldn't) and ... bonus ... it's really likely the group *will* find out and I don't think you'll come out looking well.\n\nSo literally this will have the exact opposite effect you want. No sex, friends in your business.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4i4t9v", "comment_id": "d2v5814"}, {"question": "Simple, easy technique explained by Dr. Harry Barry to reduce the severity of panic attacks", "description": "See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze9mfIBn62E\n\nThe title is \"Zeminar Presents Harry Barry | **Banish Panic Attacks for Life**\"\n\nIt is counter-inituitive and might sound offensive at first, but he's a well-known expert.\n\nThis is his other video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Un_Ykh9y9Q", "answer": "He's always half completely right and half completely wrong. His ideas are sound at first but his application isn't what evidence or personal experience show to be accurate. \n\nYes you can't run from anxiety and expect it to decrease the next time. No, believing you aren't that important isn't going to decrease social anxiety. It will increase it.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ezmuef", "comment_id": "fgpjk2r"}, {"question": "Lack of identity", "description": "I never even realized I had this problem, I guess I'm too narcissistic to of realized. My psychiatrist said today that I need a purpose and an identity and he placed an emphasis on working and I have taken the advice of this subreddit and decided on something simple just to get me out of the house but my problem is I don't have to work and I get bored of the same thing.\n\nMy physical apearance needs working on which I have made a goal of doing.\nI just don't understand the concept of gaining an identity, it feels undoable.\nI don't know what to do, do I just dress myself up a certain way and get a job? Is it really that simple....\nI feel so neurologically impaired because I have seen other cluster b people and there is a layer of depth to their emotions and personality just missing and I don't know how to develop that in myself, it's like it will never be there.\nI'm lazy, self centered a lot of the time which I have been in denial about.\nI've learnt I can't develop a healthy amount of cognitive empathy it's just not something I can train myself to do. \n\nI don't know what to do and I have never known what to do to try improve.", "answer": "I think part of having bpd is not knowing who you are...but that doesn't mean you aren't somebody. Do you journal? Try Journaling your thoughts, your day to day, your interactions with others. This will help keep a record of well, you! And will help set you on the right path to finding your identity ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31qg8w", "comment_id": "cq41zyo"}, {"question": "I have to plan my whole day around one event at the end of the day", "description": "Hey guys! I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this.  So basically let\u2019s say I\u2019m going out to dinner with someone one night.  If I have to go anywhere else it gives me extreme anxiety because I feel like I\u2019m not supposed to do anything else until the dinner.  Like I\u2019m supposed to prioritize it and that if I were to leave the house at 9 in the morning to go grocery shopping or go to a doctors appointment, that may somehow interfere with being able to get to my dinner at 6pm (which it won\u2019t).  Is this relatable for anyone? ", "answer": "YES! Most definitely can relate.  I think other people notice this about me and seem so confused as to why I do this.  I understand you and you are not alone. :) I'm really glad you mentioned this actually because it validated my own experience a ton.\n\n​", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "awipt1", "comment_id": "ehncx1n"}, {"question": "DAE think of leaving subtle \"clues\" to your BPD instead of talking about it?", "description": "Basically, there are lots of times where I don't feel like I can bring stuff up to my boyfriend when I am having issues. It's nothing he's done, I'm just afraid I'm going to be too negative and push him away. \n\nI feel like if I directly said the things I'm having problems with, he would leave me because he would get sick if it.\n\nSo sometimes I think like \"oh what if I wrote a really concerning diary entry about wanting to off myself and conveniently left my diary open so he would see it\" sort of thing. It's like I'm inadvertently trying to make everything about me. But I don't want to directly tell him and make him concerned. I want to do something like I said above so he thinks \"omg she didn't tell me this she must really be hurting right now\".\n\nIt's almost like I don't want to SAY anything to get the attention I want, but I want to drop majorly obvious hints (like the diary thing) and act like I never wanted him to find out (even though that's my main goal). It just feels like I've talked about my problems so much so I want him to be scared for me and be actually concerned and flustered over making sure I am okay. But then I don't go through with it because I feel I'm being too selfish and ridiculous.", "answer": "Thaaaaaaats manipulation! Unfortunately. Try to be direct and you will get results. Trying to beat around the bush just makes something that's realty hard to understand even harder to understand ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8s97y4", "comment_id": "e0xic4j"}, {"question": "Am I [24f] settling for this new guy I'm dating?", "description": "So, I recently got out of a 3 year long difficult relationship. I'm one of those people that's never single for more than about 3 weeks. After this last relationship ended, I really wanted to be alone and just recover and find myself. But then this guy comes along. I've known him since I was about 15 and we've always been friends and we've been hanging out a bit and talking lately. We started to have feelings for each other and I thought maybe I should finally give this a shot. BUT he's almost 30, works an under the table paying job that he hates, lives with his mom, has a bit of a record (got kicked out of the Navy, etc.) and barely has any education (just high school). I'm currently a college student living on my own and work full-time. He's a nice guy and treats me good and has always been a great friend but I'm thinking I can probably do better? Am I being too vain for saying that? I really am falling for him and he tells me he's falling in love with me but I just can't shake this feeling that maybe I just want too much? My last bf barely spoke English and was not bright at all. I'm not the smartest person either but I would at least like to find a guy that has some sort of education on his belt and is able to contribute in intelligent conversations. My ex couldn't hold up a conversation about ANYTHING. It was like talking to a wall. This new guy at least talks to me but says strange things sometimes that makes me question his intelligence. Is there such thing as being TOO picky with dating when it comes to just wanting a decent smart guy that I won't feel embarrassed if I bring them around friends and family?", "answer": "If you're never single for more than 3 weeks, it means you have trouble being alone. Which means you're not selective. [If you're starving, Mcdonald's tastes pretty good!]  What you should do, is NOT have a bf for a while and really THINK carefully about what your needs and wants are.  You could even make a list.  Then, when a new guy comes along, you can see how he stacks up to your list, and you'll know right away whether you're settling or not.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "78g3jr", "comment_id": "dotm6gd"}, {"question": "Sobriety...Dealing with buried emotions/traumas.", "description": "Being sober for a few days now has been a painful experience. I used to deal with pain by just getting high, and I'm realizing now how out of touch with my own emotions I am. There are a lot of things in my life I need to deal with. There are a lot of people who I should have kicked out of my life a long time ago. Weed made my reality seem ok, when in reality it was far from ok. \nWith all of with these painful emotions bubbling to the surface, I realize how much I have abandoned myself in favour of temporary relief from drugs.\nI don't ever want to do this to myself again.\n", "answer": "One metaphor I heard early on that spoke to me was this one:\n\nAddiction is like we're driving along in a van and each time we run into something we don't want to deal with - the phone bill we haven't paid yet, this nagging feeling of lonliness, that sense of guilt over using - we throw it into the back of the van. For days, weeks, months, years, we drive around, each time just throwing whatever we think we can't handle into the back. Then, we stop using, and it's like we've suddenly slammed on the brakes - all that shit comes flying forward at once.\n\n\nAnother similar metaphor I got from a therapist I worked with was also helpful:\n\nImagine you're driving a bus. All your thoughts, feelings, memories, etc are passengers on the bus. The difficult ones are like troublesome passengers - we don't want to look at them, feel them, remember them, we just want them to go to the back of the bus and stay there. But they keep coming to the front and threatening us, so we do whatever it takes to get them to go away, turn left, turn right, blow through the stop light, etc. Except the more we avoid looking them, the scarier they can become. What we need to remember is that *we* are the ones driving, not them.\n\nI'm glad to hear your desire not to abandon yourself. The good news is, you don't have to do this alone! There is lots of help available, in here, in various recovery programs, and in the offices of mental health professionals. Good luck and don't give up! It will get easier with time.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4bup1l", "comment_id": "d1crf9f"}, {"question": "Friend in her 30's has started stealing...why?", "description": "My oldest friend and i had a few drinks last night and she told me that she started stealing from department stores about 3 months ago. She doesnt need what she steals she does it because she can. She said its not even exciting. I was shocked, she has a good job and alot going for her. Can any therapist shed some light on why she has started doing this? Shes in her 30's! \n\nThanks", "answer": "Without a comprehensive diagnostic assessment, it is impossible to say what is motivating this behavior. There are so many unknown factors, from potential recent stressors to potential childhood trauma and everything in between, that would all need to be examined. However, I would encourage your friend to meet with a therapist. While we don\u2019t know why, she is definitely engaging in risky behavior that could have an enormously negative impact on her life. I would express your concern and offer to help her find a local therapist. If other friends or family are also aware of her behavior, you could enlist their help/suggest that they have a similar conversation with her about their concerns and encourage therapy. \n\nGood luck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4wf5c", "comment_id": "es707rd"}, {"question": "How to convince very sick patient to ditch alternative medicine for a real doctor", "description": "Hi Ask Docs, I'm seeking some advice and don't know where to turn. Maybe you can help. \n\nMy brother (38 m white) is having trouble with eating and digestion. He believes in natural rather than processed foods, eats a lot of saturated fats: butter, fatty meats, etc. He also takes supplements like cod liver oil, kelp, colostrum, and others. **In the last year, after he eats he often feels very bad and says the food doesn\u2019t sit well with him. This worsened over the past four months and he's hardly been eating or drinking, and has become gravely ill. He lost 30 lbs. He\u2019s 5\u201911\u201d and weighs 120lb.**\n\n**For the last 4 weeks, he has been in a barely functioning state--lying in bed nearly all day.** He eats and drinks very little. He gets dizzy walking 100 feet. He's so out of sorts he has trouble tying his shoes. He says his swallowing isn't so good. **He has to be very careful drinking water, and today he nearly started choking from drinking water and went into a terrible coughing fit. He recently tried to take a bath but the hot water somehow made him feel very ill afterwards.**\n\n**The problem is he absolutely won\u2019t see a regular doctor or a specialist.** He\u2019s a staunch believer in alternative medicine and diets (despite coming from a suburban family that has benefited from modern medicine). **He makes a living writing about curing illnesses with food and other natural remedies and sells alternative medicine supplements online.** He\u2019s gone to just about every kind of alternative doctor you can name - acupuncture, Reiki, herbalist, homeopathy, naturopathic dr, etc. He is convinced this is all a nervous system problem-- his nervous system is malfunctioning. **He's convinced the cause is Mercury Poisoning, affecting his vagas nerve, which in turn affects his throat and other areas.** He\u2019s taken a course of homeopathic pills that are said to be for Mercury Poisoining for 12 weeks but they didn't do anything. He misleadingly claims this and other approaches help him, but he hasn't materially gotten better in weeks--rather gotten worse as evidenced by worse coughing, more tiredness/weakness, etc. \n\nHe has a wife and 2 kids (14 and 10). His wife is a total enabler, and while she recognizes his poor health she won't take act in a way that contradicts his beliefs i.e. taking him to a regular doctor or even providing him conventional medications instead of alternative ones. It reminds me of Steve Jobs, who was diagnosed with cancer, but refused the appropriate treatment despite pleas from close friends and family.\n\nMy family has PLEADED with him to see a doctor, but he refuses. In many ways he's intentionally rejected the western lifestyle, so it's hard to convince him to do this. When we encourage him to consider conventional health decisions, he avoids, downplays, denies, lies, argues, gets angry and manipulates--ultimately says he's taking the right medical steps. **He literally told me, \"that coughing fit with water felt like it was restricting some of the air in my breathing tube momentarily but it's ok, that's what happens in my state, I just need to be more careful when I drink water.\" I was shocked.**\n\nWe try and try but he doesn't seem to budge. So I would really appreciate some help from the good folks here. What can we do to help him? How do we convince him to get medical help before it\u2019s too late??? ", "answer": "Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do. Assuming he has capacity to make decisions regarding his welfare, then he is entitled to make misjudgements.\n\nOn the other hand, there might come a point that he is so unwell that his capacity is affected, and then others can intervene on a best interests principle. Though if there is an advance statement or a partner with similar views, then it is less likely.\n\nI don't think there is a mental health aspect unless his beliefs are driven by delusional ideation.\n\nIts extremely difficult to watch close ones slowly die in front of you, but its their life, not ours.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5drz8y", "comment_id": "da8568p"}, {"question": "What has wellbutrin done to me?", "description": "This is a rather long story but I need to say it all so you can get my mindset. Back in November 2017, I was having trouble coping with things in my life, so when I went to see my doctor for a refill for my luvox, she increased the dosage (The luvox I've been taking for six years for depression, anxiety and OCD), as well as starting me on wellbutrin. The next few days though, after I started these changes, I became increasingly sad and started having depressing thoughts concerning death and aging. I guess about four days after I started the wellbutrin, this increasing sadness culminated in a full-blown panic attack (The first I've ever had), in which I was convinced I ruined my life, my life was a waste, I had to spend as much time with the people I knew before they died (which felt really soon), that I felt extremely old (I'm 29), my mother was going to pass away very soon (she's 63), and I became just overall absolutely TERRIFIED of death. I had NEVER felt this way towards death and aging in my life. At most, I was disappointed that I didn't look young anymore. That's it. I used to feel like I had all the time in the world, and death seemed so far away, and I handled the passings of friends and family members just how everyone else does. Not anymore after my panic attack.I called up my old counselor and scheduled an appointment. She told me to speak to my doctor. By the time I got around to seeing my doctor again (About a week after I started the wellbutrin), the thoughts had become so intense and debilitating that I had, for the first time, wanted to end my life just to stop the pain. It was that bad. With my doctor's urging, I went to the ER of the hospital next door. There, I met a doctor, who brought me further into the hospital where eventually I met a psychotherapist. She said I was going to have to go to a psychiatric hospital while I felt suicidal (I'm about 99% convinced I would've been committed if I had said no, but that's beside the point).So, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. No one there diagnosed me with anything or really brought up a solution to my problem of getting rid of those thoughts; they were mainly concerned with helping us patients cope with the events in our lives that brought us there. But for me, of course, it wasn't a life event so much as a pharmaceutical fuck-up. The most anyone did was one of the psychiatrists try starting me on abilify since he didn't want to try another anti-depressant. The abilify gave me energy and made me optimistic, but it did nothing about my thoughts, and I still felt like my life was a waste up to that point. I didn't feel like myself at all. But I did feel hopeful and not suicidal anymore, so I was let go.The next few months were kind of a blur. I had a new energy but I was still haunted by these thoughts. I forget why, but at some point I stopped taking the abilify, and I lost that energy and hopefulness, but the intensity of the thoughts receded. I felt like myself again, with the lessened intensity of the thoughts. It seemed like a good enough trade-off. In February, after being forced to wait over a month because of high demand or whatever, I finally started seeing a psychiatrist as part of the out-patient therapy. My thoughts had gone to the back of my head, since things in my real life were taking precedent. My psychiatrist was helpful with the handling of these matters.But once they were taken care of, I realized I still wasn't happy, I still wasn't hopeful, and I still wasn't  fully myself. Because those thoughts were still there. I told her about this in our last meeting at the end of April, and in hindsight I don't think she quite understood what I was trying to say. She kept talking about how depression and its causes, but what happened to me wasn't really depression-related I dont think. She started me on zoloft and gave me a mild anxiety agent, but after three weeks of taking them, I felt no change at all aside from decreased sex drive.So last week, when I realized what she gave me wasn't working and I still wasn't anywhere close to getting better, I started feeling panicky and hopeless, so I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor (I'm never seeing the one who started this mess again) since I'd have to wait three weeks to see my psychiatrist again. Basically, all he did was tell me to stop taking the zoloft and the anxiety agent since they weren't working (And I've done so) and give me amitriptyline, since the only antipsychotic he could prescribe as a family doctor, seroquel, would interact with the luvox I still need to take. So far I've felt no change with the amitriptyline.\n\nSo this is why I'm here. Not a SINGLE person I've spoken to in this entire process has diagnosed me, told me exactly what's wrong, or given me a solid treatment plan to get better. I still have no idea, over half a year later, what went wrong or how I can get better. Not a clue. All anyone has ever done was refer me to someone else, or try throwing a random medication at me to see if it would \"do the job\". Not one person has stepped forward to actually do the work to help me get better. In hindsight, I don't think my psychiatrist has any idea what I'm trying to say after numerous attempts of trying to tell her, I think she thinks I'm 'merely' depressed and sad about mortality, which isn't really the case at all. I've had 29 years to develop my feelings on these things, and the terrorizing feelings that have been played in my head since November aren't them. They're exhausting, irrational and terrifying, and I'm desperate to go back to normal. And I've talked about this to SO many people, friends and family, and also try rationalizing in my head what I want to think and feel, but none of that works, so please don't recommend counseling, I'm very certain this is past that and its a psychiatric issue. Some of my normal thinking does comes through here and there, usually for a few minutes. Last week there was about half an hour where I felt 90% normal again, and I was able to think about these things rationally, but that soon subsided. I did sort-of feel a little like myself the first day after starting the amitriptyline, but not fully so, like I did for that half an hour last week. And the next day it was back to the terror as usual. So please, anyone reading this, please tell me what you think is wrong and what you think can help me. I of course will be seeing my psychiatrist again in two weeks, and will fully go by her recommendations and instructions, but I just need SOMETHING to hold me over in the meantime, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. I'm so utterly disappointed in the medical \"professionals\" I've seen since November in their lack of knowledge, confidence and comfort in treating me and my condition (whatever it is). I just need a ray of hope right now to try and get me through this, because this isn't living. I just want my life back.\n\nRequired info:  I'm 29, 5'4, 169 pounds, male, never smoked. Before November, only suffered from diagnosed depression, anxiety, OCD and mild autism.\n\n7/20/2018 UPDATE: Well as it turns out the wellbutrin brought on psychosis by increasing my dopamine levels, it actually isn't that complicated what happened to me, I just had to find the right doctor who would listen to me and take me seriously. I'm almost 100% back to the way I was taking anti-psychotics. I'll just leave this here if if this happens to anyone in the future. And people, if something a doctor or who you're confiding with says just doesn't sound right, keep searching until you find someone who will say something that does. Doctors aren't infallible.", "answer": "It sounds like depression, but more severe than it was before. The difficulty with depression is that we don't really have good ways to diagnose the different processes in the brain that give rise to it. We can only recognize the symptoms and hope that it will respond to treatment, and there isn't really a better way than trying medications that often work and hoping that you're in the group that improves. Luvox, Zoloft, and amitriptyline are fine choices. Augmenting with Wellbutrin or Abilify makes sense. I'm sorry it hasn't worked. There's genetic testing available to try to guide medications, but the jury is still out on how helpful that is.\n\n The way you describe it, things were getting worse, you started taking Wellbutrin, and things kept getting worse and have stayed worse, with or without the Wellbutrin. From your timeline I'm less inclined to blame the medication and leaning more towards this being some change in the depression, although of course there's no way to truly know.\n\nAfter multiple medications didn't work, it's \"treatment\\-resistant depression.\" For one thing, there are treatments other than what you've used. SNRIs, for example. Thyroid hormone, buspirone, lithium, lamotrigine. TMS or eventually ECT, if you choose. It's miserable to have to go through multiple treatments, but you're far from exhausting everything. Explain the story so far to your psychiatrist and hopefully you can move forward and find something that will help you feel better.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8n53yj", "comment_id": "dzt1jkh"}, {"question": "The more I \u201ctry\u201d the worse I get?", "description": "Can someone explain to me why it\u2019s harder now that I ... want this more?\n\nI remember about 3 years ago I cut back on my drinking.  A lot.  I just... didn\u2019t need it or want it or think about it.\n\nThen the second kid comes and the bad coping comes with it.  But he\u2019s two now.  So.\n\nI find this subreddit, I have enough knowledge of how much alcohol is awful- read the books, focused on it.\n\nAnd then I end up quitting a few days then bingeing like crazy.  I puked on Saturday from booze.  \u201cThis is the last time\u201d- somehow, deciding to extinguish this? Has made my drinking worse.\n\nI\u2019m a chronic badge reset.  I keep coming back.  I hear all the tools I need to be successful.  90 meetings in 90 days, play the tape forward, etc.  a ton of valid valuable content ON this sub, ON the podcasts I listen to, IN the books I read...\n\nBut then I absolutely panic? And cave!? Or sweat and nearly cave?\n\nSomeone? Please.  Explain it to me.  Why.\n\nI\u2019ve quit off and on before but the idea of \u201cforever\u201d\nBrings the worst drinker out in me.", "answer": "Hi. Lots of good advice already  i saw one thing in your post that i connected with. You said you had a second child and though he/she is older now this seems to have been a trigger? I have 3 beautiful children and my drinking etc got worse as the number of kids increased. Binges for me rather than daily drinking but it was creeping up. Anyway ..... my point is parenting is a priviledge, and its tough ! I needed lots of support and help, time to myself, time with partner etc to help me. Maybe you need more help etc, and maybe this could help with your journey. Best of luck to you. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8jtbav", "comment_id": "dz2i3g5"}, {"question": "I read that psychopaths sometimes love their children because they view them as extensions of themselves. Do people that have to deal with self-hate hate their children?", "description": "I am always filled with self-loathe, especially at my physical appearance, and I can't help but think if I had a child then I would hate that child too because it's my DNA. But the thing is I don't think that negatively of my parents, even though I'm their offspring. But I also am nothing like them, in behavior or physical appearance.", "answer": "I think it\u2019s more simply: the mind with which you judge yourself is the mind with which you judge others, and vice versa. The same tendencies for judgment arise.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7wne8v", "comment_id": "du2pu3f"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "I have never been to therapy.  I know I need it.  Forgive my ignorance, I\u2019ve never been to this sub before either. \n\nI was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until I left without a word 8 months ago.  I have heard of so called \u201cChristian therapy\u201d but I know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice.  \n\nI guess I\u2019m technically an agnostic now but Im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. Very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.\n\nMy issue is I don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. Not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, I mean I don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on Sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church.    \n\nIs this an appropriate ask? How would I go about this?", "answer": "Any good therapist will be able to separate out their own religious/spiritual beliefs from their view of you and how they work to help you.  It sounds like you understand that though.  There are plenty of awful therapists out there who incorporate too much of their religious views/spirituality whether it be more traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs or alt-medicine pseudoscience stuff (one of my supervisees simply refers to it as \"woo\").  \n\n\nWhile it never guarantees a good therapist, you've probably got a better chance of NOT encountering one of these types of bad therapists if you find someone who identifies similarly as you do.  \n\n\nIt's never inappropriate to ask for what you want in a therapist.  If you're going to a larger agency, it might not be a guarantee they have somebody that matches your preference or even that they end up assigning you to somebody with your preference, but you always have the right to ask.  If you're able, your best bet is finding someone in private practice and asking some of these questions in the initial phone call before your first appointment.  \n\n\nTo play devil's advocate though, I bet it would be extremely helpful and healing (albeit very difficult) for you to work with a GOOD therapist who does belong to a religion you're prejudiced against.  \n\nFor this very reason, as a therapist, I'm taking a big training on Hypnosis.  I'd put this in the woo category of therapies.  I don't believe it's very useful and am skeptical about the research surrounding it, but that's specifically why I'm taking the training.  I could go to all the Existential Therapy/SFBT/MI/CBT workshops I could find that will just tell me what I want to hear, reinforce what I'm doing is good, and I'll feel good but gain very little in the ways of new knowledge.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "eu2s3bi"}, {"question": "I am at the lowest point in my life right now, I don't know what to do anymore...", "description": "I just finished my fist semester of college and am so far gone that I didn't socialize AT ALL. I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend or a job and I only have 3 friends... I'm overweight, and am the most self judgemental, awkwardly anti social person you will ever meet. I have been extremely depressed lately mostly because of how alone I feel. I feel like nobody cares that I even exist or would care if I just disappeard. I'm a failure at socializing. I have ZERO confidence to the point that I can't even look people in the eyes. I need some words of advice, something... anything I'm at my lowest of low please PEASE help me.", "answer": "See a counselor :) Most colleges have free counseling centers, and a counselor will be able to help you out big time.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2u6yhn", "comment_id": "co5w2fu"}, {"question": "I'm a mtf transgender woman on hormone therapy. I'm afraid that surgery I had as a youngster is making breast development on one side impossible.", "description": "When I was an adolescent, I grew a hard lump on my chest beneath the nipple. Bring a cis male little boy as far as the rest of the world was concerned, my parents took me to a doctor who performed surgery and found it to be a cyst in the undeveloped breast tissue.\n\nThis was a long time ago, so I honestly haven't given the event any thought in years.\n\nI'm on hormones now, and despite many changes in my mind and body, one thing that hasn't changed is one side of my chest. It's not just that there's small or minimal development; I know that breasts can bud and develop at an uneven pace sometimes. It's that I'm not feeling any of the physical precursors that I felt and have been feeling on the other side. It's the same flat, minimally sensitive piece of anatomy that it's always been.\n\nSo now I have to ask the question: What exactly was done to that side of my chest? Is it possible that, in removing the cyst, the doc also removed any breast tissue that could have ever developed? If that is what happened, is there any chance of growth or recovery due to my hormone treatment, or do I need to get prepared for the idea of cosmetic surgery to fix the issue?\n\nI was never excited about the idea of breast implants, but now I am at least halfway convinced. Hey-o\n\nEDIT: More info, you say?\n\nThe cyst removal occured when I was in the 13/14 year old range. I'm now 33. I've been on hormones for almost a year. Breast development began maybe four months ago\n\nSo, yes, it's early for me to start losing hope. The other side might just be taking its sweet time. I'm open to that.\n\nAs for what exactly the doc did, I'll have to find the records, like one comment suggested. Neither of my parents recall the event with much clarity, and while they do have a name for the doctor who did the surgery, he has since passed and the practice hasn't been around for awhile, at least not in the location I remember. But the records must be somewhere, right?\n\nLastly, yes I'm going to see my doctor about this soon. However, I don't think it's any secret that being in a doctor's examination room in your underwear can erode on your ability to engage in a meaningful discussion with them about all the possibilities behind a medical issue, so I wanted to have a sense of what our talk might be like. No one wants to get sideswiped by a diagnosis of 'one-titty-itis'.", "answer": "Any commentary opposing or disparaging transgender people or transitioning will result in summary bans. This is not an open forum to debate it. This is your only warning.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dylfm1", "comment_id": "f82sg1b"}, {"question": "How is it possible for someone to be aware they are delusional?", "description": "In various mental health related subreddits, I've seen people talk about their delusions.  How is this possible?\n\nEvery source I come across describes a delusion as a fixed false belief that cannot be changed no matter what contradictory arguments are presented.\n\nIf someone is aware that they are delusional, then it's *not* a \"fixed false belief\".  Or am I misunderstanding something fundamental?\n\nI'm confused because I have a number of beliefs I've identified as \"pseudo delusions\" - things that I know most people would categorize as delusions, but feel extremely compelling to me regardless.\n\nDoes the fact that I know they're not rational mean they're not delusions?  Or does the fact that they're so compelling for me mean that they are?\n\nSeriously confused here.", "answer": "You attempt to gain evidence that the delusions are false. Challenge the delusion.  I'm guessing that is what a lot of people you have been reading about have done.  Either that or they have entered a psychosis of sorts, and then when they come out of it they realize what they were thinking was a delusion.  For instance, I work with one individual with Schizophrenia and he is non-delusional right now and can tell you all of his past delusions.  While, I work with another individual with Schizophrenia and he is actively delusional so he believes everything he thinks.  This is a very black and white example for simplification.  Some individuals who have non-bizarre delusions, you can help them collect evidence against the delusion and eradicate that thought.  I should advise, challenging delusions should be done **with the help of a licensed professional**.  Challenging them alone can be very difficult if not impossible and also you can accidentally end up perpetuation your own delusion.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2s1hjp", "comment_id": "cnli8br"}, {"question": "Wheelchair users, how do you go over people's houses/apartments if they don't have elevators and there are about two flights of stairs up?", "description": "Older apartments don't have elevators if they're less than three or four stories tall. How do you manage?  My partner has been able to slowly crawl up the stairs but is there any better way?", "answer": "Well, my SO is staying over for a week (we're long-distance) and I can't move right now to a place that's more accessible.. :/ any ideas? It's about 21 steps up.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "3m0fj8", "comment_id": "cvbbg1a"}, {"question": "Is it ok to game while studying on Ritalin?", "description": "I'm taking Ritalin to study and I feel like I need a break. Would it be a bad idea to play a game and then go back to studying?\n\nMy friends thinks it's all I'll think about because it raises my dopamine levels, or something.", "answer": "Uh, no. I am gaming on vyvanse right now. The only problem is you may never get back to work. Case in point, I meant to start a paper there days ago but started Assassins creed origins instead. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7npneo", "comment_id": "ds3yuhb"}, {"question": "haven\u2019t self harmed for all of 2019. just sat with the knife in my hand for 15 minutes and it took everything in me to put it away.", "description": "tonight\u2019s the closest i\u2019ve gotten to relapsing. i\u2019m terrified that it\u2019s bound to happen eventually anyways, but i\u2019m proud of myself for getting through one more night.", "answer": "WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83d\udc4f\ud83c\udf7e\ud83e\udd42\ud83c\udf89\u2728\ud83c\udf86\ud83e\udd47\ud83c\udfc6\n  You put away!  Don't focus on how far you think you may still have to go, focus on how far you have come.      Even if you had acted, you still made it 8 FREAKING MONTHS WITHOUT ACTING! THAT IS HUGE\n\nI  am so happy for you, I am literally tearing up at work", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cww955", "comment_id": "eyi5vid"}, {"question": "Update: EBV situation with psychiatrist and Valtrex, now have lab results", "description": "36, Male, 6'2\", 230 lbs\n\n​\n\nI got the labs today and makes me worried:\n\n[https://imgur.com/a/BfD9aY4](https://imgur.com/a/BfD9aY4)\n\nWould this change previous advice I got?\n\n/u/FMdocTX\n\n/u/brugada\n\n/u/thebighead\n\n​\n\nPrevious post:\n\n[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/akwund/psychiatrist\\_says\\_i\\_have\\_acute\\_and\\_reactivated/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/akwund/psychiatrist_says_i_have_acute_and_reactivated/)", "answer": "Blaming EBV for all kinds of neuropsychiatric oddities is apparently the newest fad in pseudomedicine. Your psychiatrist apparently has gone rogue in a number of ways from standards of care.\n\nThis is a messy situation, but I would discuss with your PCP, who is better equipped to manage EBV.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "al7c8q", "comment_id": "efbin4f"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has felt \"lonely in the relationship\" for about a year now, we still can't figure out why", "description": "My girlfriend of 3.5 years has continually told me she's felt lonely in our relationship and generally like there's a divide/wall between us for about a year now. It's been hurting her and has been very emotionally taxing and frustrating to me. She tells me she feels like I'm distancing myself from her or that I have some grandiose issue with her I'm not bringing up that's causing it.\n\nI, of course, don't feel the same way. I don't feel I'm distancing myself, putting a wall between us, or any other vague terminology she can come up with. There's no bad will on my end or anything that would cause what she's describing. I feel pretty open with her and I feel I'm there for her in general and support her quite a lot.\n\nThe frustrating part is that I ask her whenever she brings it up \"what do I do to make you feel this way\" or some variation of it. Not a single time have I gotten an answer that didn't just prompt the same question. Literally:\n\n* Hey what do I do to make you feel this way\n* You put a wall between us!\n* What do I do to make you feel that way\n* You distance yourself emotionally\n* In what way\n* By not being open with me\n* I am open with you, what do I do to make you feel otherwise\n* [she changes the subject]\n\nIt's very frustrating because she doesn't seem to have a single clue as to why she feels this way. I feel I'm open, close, and generally there for her. There's no rhyme or reason to it, we'll have an amazing week together relaxing and going to nice restaurants and have an amazing time together all week then she'll get EXTREMELY upset over this feeling. Not once has she told me anything I do to make her feel this way.\n\nIt wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so insistent on there being a problem on my end I'm not owning up to. She refuses to acknowledge the possibility that hey, maybe there's some kind of misunderstanding between us and not necessarily a big issue I'm not telling you about. It's frustrating because she's taking her feelings as fact when I'm not actually distancing myself from her in any way.\n\nWhat should I do here? I love her, but this is honestly hurting our relationship. She gets angry at me when I'm just like \"Hey man I don't understand what you mean by \"building a wall between us\", I can't do anything unless you tell me what specifically makes you feel this way\". She keeps putting the pressure on me to \"figure it out\" despite there being absolutely no way for me to figure it out because there is no \"wall\" and there is no \"distance\".\n\nIt's just very frustrating. It's like if I told you \"I'm sad at you\" and just wouldn't tell you what you did to make me sad. If I don't know why I'm sad, I'm not gonna bring it up with you and expect you to know why. She literally does not know what I do to make her feel lonely and I don't see how she could possibly feel that way either when we spend most of our waking time together.", "answer": "She could have depression, unrelated to the relationship. Maybe see a therapist together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70glea", "comment_id": "dn2yn6b"}, {"question": "What Help is available through the NHS in the U.K. To stop smoking cannabis.", "description": "I have been smoking for 20 plus years and need help to quit, I have tried traditional methods 100 times over and nothing has even helped..so decided to visit the doctor.\n\nThe doctor didn't seem trained or equipped to handle something like this and responded with \"have you tried cutting down\" that's it and seem to want me out as quick as possible....just to outline I have a good job and was impeccably presented that day in a suit as it was in between appointments, I don't look like the average I would say. \n\nThat felt like a slap in the face....I guess like saying to someone with depression, have you tried being happy or just snapping out of it, or to someone over weight have you tried portion control or eating less.\n\nI Just wondered if there is anymore help available and If i have a crap doctor, or they just generally don't have the training or knowledge to help as they seemed very uninterested and I felt as though I had forgotten more than she knew on the subject.\n\nAny help gladly received", "answer": "UK addictions psychiatrist here.\n\nWhich part of the UK are you (the provision of addictions services are surprisingly varied)?\n\nIn practice, it is about graded reduction of consumption of cannbinoids. Biologically speaking, theres no medication or substitute prescribing necessary to come off cannabis.\n\nOn the other hand, there's the psychological aspects of addiction, and you might find the supports available for nicotine smoking to be useful. Also finding a way to fill the time when you smoked is useful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x5vgj", "comment_id": "degzfaq"}, {"question": "Autism-Test questions", "description": "Before I was diagnosed, I did some online tests to see if my suspicion had any ground in reality. Those tests really freaked me out though, because the test questions were so hard for me to grasp, could be interpreted in several ways. \nI now know more about how these questions were intended, and I want to share that knowledge (on my blog: http://imnototherwisespecified.blogspot.com/)\n\nSo my question to you is: which questions did you find particularly confusing? \n(Links to tests can be found here: http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/tkqs8/online_asd_tests_shall_we_compare_scores/)", "answer": "Oddly enough, because of the way these sorts of tests are constructed, it doesn't matter if you understand, are confused by, or even if the test creators understand exactly WHY you answer a question in a particular way.\n\nSure, they pick questions that think may obviously distinguish someone with asperger's from someone without it, but ultimately, you score higher on the test when you score similarly to thousands of people with confirmed asperger's diagnoses who took the test before it was released and then had their scores averaged to create a response pattern that is most typical of those with asperger's syndrome.\n\nso, whether the questions are confusing or not, if a test has enough questions, and it has been \"normed\" by enough test takers, it should be accurate.\n\nThis is a gross oversimplification, and I know you didn't directly doubt the accuracy of the test in your original post, but well... I will use my asperger's as an excuse...\n\nover and out.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ucpml", "comment_id": "c4viq8a"}, {"question": "Exposure Therapy: Day 2", "description": "I don't want to fill this place up with constant updates so if this gets a little spammy I'll make this thing not daily. But thanks to everyone who commented on day one, it has really helped push me to do another day :D\n\nI'm going to do all of the same exposures as yesterday, but I'm going to ramp them up a little. \n\n**Exposure 1:** I'm going back to that book shop, and this time I'm not going home until I've asked someone for help. Again, my anxiety is telling me they will be annoyed at me for inconveniencing them. Last time I couldn't find anyone to help me as they were busy serving customers, but to be honest, I could have done more. There is a second floor to this shop, and I didn't check up there just in case there was someone who I could've asked. Today I'm asking someone for help no matter what.\n\n**Exposure 2:** On the way there I'm going to drop things in front of people again, however this time I'm going to focus on attractive people, young people, and people I know. I'm going to count down from 3 in my head, then drop my keys on 1. My anxiety is telling me they will laugh at me or tease me or call me names for being so clumsy. My fear is slightly reduced when I think about yesterday's results. Nobody cared, or they didn't want me to be embarrassed. Maybe I'll get the same results today.\n\n**Exposure 3:** I'm going to try and pay for something with the wrong amount of money again. Last time I did it in a place I felt relatively comfortable. I go to McDonalds all the time so it wasn't as anxiety provoking. This time I'm going to do it in a slightly less safe place. Maybe the dreaded Subway? Last time the girl at the register didn't berate me, she seemed really friendly about it. My anxiety is telling me that this was a rare exception, and everyone else will mock me. Let's see if that's true.\n\n**Results**\n\n**Exposure 1 Result:** I walked into the bookshop and felt a lot calmer than I did yesterday. I still felt a little weird and my heart started to beat faster and faster and I could feel sweat building on my forehead. I took in a deep breath and told myself I was here yesterday and came to no harm - I'm okay. I then abandoned my mind and stopped thinking, I just listened to the sounds around me again and my heart rate calmed down. I looked over at the register and I saw two people working. There was a girl serving at the counter, and a guy who served at the counter when it got busy, but kept going back to unpack some boxes. There were way less people than there were yesterday. I knew I'd have an opportunity to ask for help today.\n\nI walked closer to the register and then bailed. I pretended I wanted to look at something else. While I was there I heard the girl at the register talking to a customer. She said \"Hi there, can I help at all?\" - probably what she was told to say, but she sounded genuinely friendly and that put my mind at ease a little bit. But still, I couldn't do it. I walked out the shop and was frustrated at myself. I thought \"I *really* need to be able to ask for help when I need it,\" and I turned back to the bookshop, and walked back in.\n\nI walked up to the guy unpacking boxes and felt like this was the perfect chance to talk to him - he was busy so I'd have to inconvenience him, there was nobody else around wanting to talk to him, and he was right next to me. \"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find a book,\" I said. He asked me what it was called and I told him, and he knew exactly what he was talking about, walked over to the shelf, grabbed it, and handed it to me with a smile. I thanked him, and he said it was no problem at all. I felt amazing, but then I realized I had another trial... I had to pay for the thing.\n\nI walked up to the girl at the register and handed her the book, and she was really, really friendly. I didn't just stand in silence as usual, we actually had a little conversation about the book - how she hadn't read anything by the same author. The guy chimed in as well. It was just a really nice interaction. I wasn't judged, I wasn't made to feel guilty for anything - in fact I was made to feel welcome and wanted. I want to go back to that shop. What a complete 180.\n\nI left the shop feeling completely amazing, honestly. I'm not going to enter a stage of denial - I am *not* cured and I still have social anxiety disorder, and I still have a long way to go. But this counts for something, and I feel like I've just conquered Everest. \n\n**Exposure 2 Result:** On the way to the shop I dropped my keys again, multiple times, on purpose. I didn't see anybody I knew, but there were plenty of teenagers and school kids. This was really hard for me to do, I wasn't just imagining them pointing and laughing at me, I could almost hear it. The first group I targeted was one guy about my age, with two slightly older adults. I dropped my keys near them, picked them up, and looked at the group. The guy my age and one of the older ones weren't phased - they continued their conversation. The other one was looking at me as I stood up, but as soon as he saw me look back at him, he looked away. He clearly didn't feel the need to tell his friends about my misfortune, he didn't laugh, he just looked away and continued his conversation.\n\nEveryone else was pretty much the same. Some people looked, some people ignored it, nobody laughed. It sounds weird to say, but 100% of the people I've done this in front of now have simply not made an issue out of it. They may be judging me, I don't know. But that's the point. If I don't *know* that they judged me, then surely it doesn't matter? I'm fine.\n\n**Exposure 3 Result:** This one was kind of a failure, but I think I redeemed myself. Instead of going to McDonald's, I went to a Chinese food place that I hadn't been to before. I walked straight up to the counter. Usually I'd circle around and question what to do and try and read the entire menu before-hand, but after getting that book, I felt pretty immortal at this stage. I walked up to the counter and simply asked her what there was. Usually I'd look at the menu, pick the first thing I saw, and just deal with it. This time I took my time. I asked her what there was, I looked at the menu and I picked something I liked. Now the whole point of this one was to pay with the wrong amount of money. It came to \u00a34. I looked at my hand and I had exactly \u00a34 there, and she saw it. I really couldn't take away one and give her \u00a33, I felt a little *too* ridiculous doing that. It may have looked like I was trying to trick her, so I just paid the full amount first time. \n\nI walked away and realized I may be able to try something else, since technically I didn't really do this exposure. I realized that the food I was carrying would be cold by the time I got home... but not really the best thing to eat while walking around. It smelled nice but quite strong, and it was messy. I decided I'd eat it on the way home as the thought of doing so was giving me anxiety. What if I made a mess? People would think I couldn't even eat properly. What if people didn't like the smell and told me to stop? What if people thought I was greedy that I just couldn't wait to get home? I opened the box and just started eating. Nobody even looked at me, let alone comment. Once I started eating, I even noticed other people eating. It was delicious.\n\n**Next step:** I really want to ask for help again, at a different place. It was hard this time but I could do it, and I got very positive results. I need to do it again and again. As for the key dropping thing, I think I'm only going to do this when it's very hard for me to. I don't think I need to do it around the average stranger anymore. I'd also like to eat in public a bit more. I think I'll start with eating in public while walking, and I want to build myself up to eating in public just sitting at a table on my own.\n\n**THANK YOU**\n\nHonestly. Thank you guys so much. Your feedback from day 1 was amazing and it really pushed me to continue. I was scared I'd get a bunch of \"we don't care\" comments or \"keep this to yourself\" or whatever. I guess that was just my anxiety talking. You guys really helped me a ton. Thank you.", "answer": "This is awesome, and I say that as a psychologist.  there is probably nothing more effective in overcoming anxiety than behavioral experimentation aka exposure therapy.  Excellent work!  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "1upf3v", "comment_id": "cel072o"}, {"question": "Advice on getting to know boys", "description": "Looking for some good advice on eventually getting myself a boyfriend. \nEveryone I speak to end up either end up being stalkerish or are just too good friends. \nAlthough there a boy that I've hardly spoke too but I can never keep the conversation going. Needing help.", "answer": "can't go wrong going SLOW. identify red flags early. keep a list of topics in your mind; it'll keep the convo going", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rxtqq", "comment_id": "ddb5gay"}, {"question": "update to previous post My wife had a one nite stand on a cruise while we were dating.", "description": "I long suspected something happend while on the\ncruise with Girl friends and she always denied it.\nShe said it happened after drinking and it was\nspur of the moment and instantly regretted it.\nHowever I found a photo album from the cruise\nwith at lease 6 pictures of her with him..drapped\nall over him... and it was obvious that the pictures\nwere at different times(different clothes on etc).\nShe also at the behest of her girlfriend called him\ntwice after the cruise but basically didn't say\nanything to him\nI found out this about 6 months ago and its still bothers me\nUPDATE now she is telling me that she hung out /flirted with him  went back to his cabin and he basically date raped her  I do not know what to think and cant understand keeping the pics etc if this is true", "answer": "It's hard to imagine her keeping the pics if that was true. Also, she lied, and if you were dating in a committed monogamous way, she cheated on you. How long ago was this cruise?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6o9qd4", "comment_id": "dkfnt8l"}, {"question": "My doctor just prescribed me lexapro, is this a good drug for anxiety?", "description": "I have GAD and my doctor prescribed me lexapro alongside referring me to a psychologist, but as I do, I\u2019ve read the side effects for this medicine and some of the side effects seem bad, has anybody noticed any bad side effects while taking this medicine or are there any particular ones to look out for? I also noticed it says it causes decreased sex drive, is this true?", "answer": "Lexapro is an SSRI in the same group as say Prozac, Zoloft, etc.  It sounds like you have a decent psychiatrist as recent studies show that this family of psych meds is actually more effective for anxiety than previously regularly prescribed benzos (Xanax, Klonopin) and generally have much less side effects and very little to no chance of becoming addicted.  \n\n\nPeople get very scared by side effects when they read on the internet.  Drug companies are required to list side effects even if they occurred in a tiny % of the people studied (sometimes even when it's not clear that it was that drug that caused it).  Everyone reacts to these types of meds differently.  Many people experience little to no side effects.  Others only experience the side effects for the first 2-3 weeks when their body is adjusting to the meds then they start working and the side effects go away.  Some people get certain or many side effects really bad.  If you're being prescribed these, I'd hope you're scheduled for monthly follow ups with your psychiatrist.  Keep them in the loop if you do experience any side effects and they'll see if they can change the dose or try another drug in the same family.  Sometimes even though the drugs are in the same families, certain ones will cause side effects in some people but another one won't.  They'll be able to figure out what works best for you.\n\n\nAlso keep in mind, if you do start experiencing any really bad side effects, you can always call your provider and see if you can get an appointment earlier than a month.  \n\n\nAs far as the sex drive thing.  I know some folks that have experienced this to the point they wanted to change meds, but the majority of folks I know who have taken Lexapro did not experience this.  Again, everything effects each individual differently.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "97inbb", "comment_id": "e48ga9o"}, {"question": "A family member is suicidal, homicidal, in a mental hospital and under a 3 minute watch because she believes she in possessed by demons and so are others and she has to cut them out of people.", "description": "She is not religious. She never has been. None of us are. She is married to my cousin. He woke up one night and she was standing over him with a knife saying she had to cut the demons out of him. I think she has some childhood trauma, I don't know. Her dad used to say he heard voices apparently. Is cacodemonomania treatable? Will she ever go back to normal? How can we help her? It has been like this since her dad passed and has gone from small episodes to consuming her entirely.", "answer": "Not a therapist but I work in a psych hospital and I see patients like this often. You say she's been like this since her dad passed, how long ago was that? Give her a few days/weeks with meds and see how she does. Best thing you guys can do for her is make sure she continues to take her meds when she gets out of treatment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dihwwm", "comment_id": "f3wi8ww"}, {"question": "Getting Help", "description": "I have a counseling appointment tomorrow and I\u2019m finally going to talk to the counselor about what happened to me. I\u2019m very nervous because I\u2019ve been avoiding the issue for years, and everything has been bubbling back to the surface these past few days. How can I avoid shutting down when I get to the appointment? It\u2019s happened before, and I just don\u2019t end up talking about my trauma. But I want to unpack what happened and get some closure. How do I force myself to confront it?", "answer": "Tell the therapist exactly that. Say that you have tried to process this before and were unable. Maybe think about how other therapists have had you open up. Perhaps there is something that the therapist thinks would be helpful just stop you up. Does that make sense?", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "d5gd2e", "comment_id": "f0lnozy"}, {"question": "Therapist Bias?", "description": "I went to a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. She was great, but when I mentioned my questions about BPD and possibly getting diagnosed she got very apprehensive. She said she tries to refrain from diagnosing people with personality disorders because it is a lifelong issue that is difficult to cure. When I tried to explain my concerns that I fit all 9 symptoms of BPD she basically told me that I just don't seem like I have BPD from talking to me. I have been reading a lot online about the stigma behind BPD, even in the mental health community, and I'm not sure what to do. \n\nHas anyone else experienced bias from mental health professionals in the beginning of their treatment? How did you get passed it?", "answer": "Sounds like you have a strong pro-BPD bias. Some clinicians never use BPD as a diagnosis because of the increased chance of hardship and death to the client. Others don't do it because they aren't sure BPD exists as described in diagnostic manuals. Many other therapists won't diagnose a PD within the first year or two of therapy because they have to work through the other possibility. \n\nEveryone has a bias with BPD, just that some have a bias away from it. \n\nThat being said. Make sure you get a shrink with DBT knowledge/ training", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7lkpm5", "comment_id": "drn1v6y"}, {"question": "[18/m] My (potential/probably) girlfriend (16/f) is confusing me, I love her but don't know what I should do.", "description": "This is the first relationship I've had since I parted from my family and friends after I was assaulted. I had no hope of anyone where I live ever not hating me. But I've met this girl and she's changed that 100%. She approached me first (ended up just buying weed from me haha). Then we went to a dance, and I met (and drank with) her parents. We've just been hanging out non-stop basically. Today we went and saw a movie together, and blazed on the way to her house. When we got there, before she left, she gave me the first hug of my life.\n\nShe flirts with me plenty, talks to me all the time, and is just really good to me in general. I opened up to her about the rape, and she did everything she could to comfort me. That was when I realized she really cares. I'm in love with her, and I want her permission to be able to love her. But I don't know if I should ask her out, I'm afraid it being to early or something like that and lose her.\n\nIt's driving me crazy, and I'm honestly freaking the fuck out because of this. Thank for everyone's advice in advance.", "answer": "Never be afraid to express your feelings.  \"..between grief and nothing, I will take grief\"-Faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60fbi8", "comment_id": "df5zv6h"}, {"question": "First post, so here's my life story summary from age 9 up until 20 before the bad thing happened.", "description": "Not sure what to do right now, I'm feeling so abandoned. I made this account specifically to try and do some reddit based therapy. I need to do SOMETHING, anything new that could help to keep me going. I've been through a lot of other therapy and I haven't tried anything in a while and I'm starting to feel so desperate. I can't seem to stick to seeing a counsellor or doctor, it's just painful. I used to blog which helped me a lot as I'm a creative type, but due to Narcissistic family my privacy was lost, a huge argument created and I lost my confidence in writing and deleted my blog.\n\nI'm not really sure how to begin. I want to get better but I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% fully functional again. I know people with mental health issues are meant to take things day by day, but it's been a couple years now and I feel like I'm losing my youth and I'm just fed up of waiting for my life to properly begin. I feel like it's all or nothing with me; I either get to be myself 100% or I should just kill myself. I just want more than anything to be my authentic self without fear of repercussions or judgement but I'm constantly biting my tongue while I live at home with my family in a toxic and tense environment. I've gotten into the habit now of just trying to make others around me happy, at least for now. I think if January won't be my last month, February will. I told my mother she's probably going to lose me this year.\n\nI'm not really sure how anyone can quite understand why I'm so tired or feel like giving up so much without me typing out my whole life story. I want to be understood completely but there are just not enough words. I will try to explain why the last few months I'm feeling like finally giving up. I just want people to know I tried my hardest to get better and be a good person and friend, just in case I don't make it. It's really important to me that people know I tried. I hung in there for a really long time without help from anyone.\n\nI'm going to talk ages and numbers and try to keep this medium length; I'll talk about the bad thing which caused my PTSD next post.\nI think the last time I was truly happy was my 9th birthday and now I'm recently turned 23. \nI moved to a new place after my 9th birthday, didn't fit in. I got bullied so badly at my new school (it was a faith school too which didn't help in hindsight) I had to transfer at age 10 to a private school as it was the only one with any space. This caused a huge rift between my parents and brothers.\nPrivate school was WAY different, I'd always been a state school kid before. I didn't get bullied, but I didn't make friends; I hid in the library at lunchtime and read stories to the younger kids. They were the only ones who didn't judge me, I treated them like my very own children despite being only a few years older. Not sure if that's really weird or not.\nHit 11 - secondary school. Bitch from private school spreads lots of rumours about me, plus all the people who bullied me in the faith school now go to this secondary school. (British school system sucks) Five years of mental and physical torture and hell begin, school is useless at helping. I develop unhealthy coping mechanisms (OCD not diagnosed til age 20 occurs now, as does self harm.) and this creates hellish tension with my Narcissistic mother. Repetitive behaviours and compulsions were insane back then. At age 12 after my very long hair is partially burnt off in science class by a bunsen burner by mean kids, I decide to kill myself.  I cut my body all over, but plan to slit my neck; I am seconds away from doing it when I hear my little brother singing and stop. I couldn't when he would be the one to find me. At 16 I date the first boy who ever paid me any attention (that was never going to end well was it?) and school ends. The friendship group I was in is weird and dark and I was the only girl.\n I start Sixth form college and love how intelligent everyone is at this new place.\n\nMother hates boyfriend and that friendship group instantly, although she never liked any of my friends, she becomes bullying and abusive more so than ever for about three years. Boyfriend cheats on me with best friend I made at college at 18, but I dump him before knowing this due to physical/mental (and with hindsight I guess sexual) abuse. Bullying and rumours spread so lose first ever close friends I ever made through no fault of my own. Mother says I told you so.\n\nDrop out of college, restart second year at 19. Make new friends, most of them LGBT. Come out as bisexual for the first time since knowing I was bisexual since I was about 10; still close friends with these people to this day. Good people :-) Obviously to this day I'm 90% out, just not to my family as they can't be trusted.\nHowever all the bullying, all the trauma and distress at home, at school, at college, bad attitude from a bitchy spanish teacher had set in and I get diagnosed with clinical depression. I stop coming in, I miss classes to cry in the bathroom for hours. People get called in. I have to drop out of college. I feel like a failure, I hardly leave my room, self harm is out of control, my older brother is at the TOP university and rubs my failure in my face. Uni meant the world to me. Suicide attempt #2, nobody finds out about it and I never tell. Another failure.\n\nI try to go out more to cheer myself up. Some friends supportive, others not. Some days are good, a lot bad. I meet a boy at a party, he becomes my world. I think we are dating. He turns out to be a sociopath who has used me to further his connections to the fine art world and tells me we are not dating and it was all in my head. Gaslighting to the max. After finding no more use for me, he decides to become best friends with the girl (ex best friend) who my boyfriend mentioned above cheated on me with, for no other reason than \"just because\" despite not being friends with her before I told him what she did to me. I end all contact with him; very smart decision for me considering how much I used to let people walk all over me. I cry for months as it was the first time I had my heart broken. I consider suicide again.\n\nHowever,  despite all of this I was so strong. I started getting better and eating right, working out, going out more with people and staying closer in touch with friends. I tried really really hard to get better and I even started getting on better with my family through sheer effort every day. Looking back on this time I am really proud of myself for the amount I achieved considering the pain I had been through.\n\n....And then the bad thing (traumatic event) happened and now my life is unbearable. It's not fair is it?\nI hope people see how much I've been through, then understand why it's so difficult for me to try and get over this now. \nIt's not that I'm not trying, and it's not that I'm weak or lazy like my family thinks. \nReddit, I just can't do it anymore. I've been fighting for years and I have nothing left to give, I'm so tired. :'(\n", "answer": "I want you to know that someone read your wall of text and wishes they could help or comfort you in some meaningful way.  Awful things can happen in life and yet its not predictable what the future may hold.  When you are worn out it can feel like you know it will be more of the same and suicide can start seeming like a good idea.  But you don't really know and it can become better.  \n\nA note about trauma in case it is news.  The way it often works is that its overwhelming so you want to avoid it as much as possible.  However, avoiding it, while it works short term, has the effect of preventing you from digesting the event and ends up, somewhat paradoxically, prolonging trauma's effect. The evidence based therapies for PTSD generally focus on emotion regulation and then retelling the story of the event again and again.  It has the effect of helping people put the trauma more into the past.  Hopefully you will be able to go in these directions in the future.  \n\nIt sounds like you have both experienced a trauma and had a difficult upbringing complete with bullying.  That sucks.  But things can get better", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2sswzs", "comment_id": "cnsn2dq"}, {"question": "Husband has a bunch of nonspecific, disabling symptoms. Desperate for any answers.", "description": "My husband, a white male, 155 lbs, 5'11, has had a bunch of strange nonspecific symptoms since last November. He is diagnosed with celiac disease, delayed sleep phase disorder, depression, and anxiety. He takes .5 mg Klonopin daily, no other medications currently. He follows a strict gluten free diet. We monitored his blood sugar for a week, and it's normal. His resting heart rate and blood pressure are normal. He doesn't report any pain.\n\nThe symptoms he reports are as follows:\n\nhands and feet almost always cold\n\nfeet often sweaty\n\nwake up feeling hot\n\nsleep starts and observed PLMD\n\nbruxism when sleeping\n\nvery little appetite, have to force myself to eat breakfast\n\nsudden extreme hunger with hot flashes\n\nerectile dysfunction\n\ndecreased libido\n\nFatigue, lethargy\n\nbrain fog\n\nforgetfulness\n\nwalking and light exercise is exhausting\n\nacquired caffeine sensitivity, less than 30mg produces effects similar to two or more cups of coffee\n\ndifficulty focusing vision\n\nAdditionally, I've noticed clumsiness and stumbling over the past few months. No falls yet, but a lot of close calls. The fatigue is extreme and I've seen him have difficulty getting up to get things from across the room. He also used to be very sharp with a great memory, but recently I have to tell him things many times and he still forgets. The last week, he's spent a lot of time in bed and if we do go out (say, to the grocery store to pick up 2-3 things) he'll be exhausted for the rest of the day.\n\nI'm really worried and any suggestions would be welcome. He's seeing a general physician next week but due to the lack of specificty to his symptoms, I'm concerned he won't be taken seriously.\n\n​\n\nA little additional info straight from him regarding medication history:\n\n\"after taking gabapentin 300mg 3x a day for two years i developed some of these symptoms, mainly the PLMD and sleep starts, along with symptoms thought to be diabetes insipidus, excessive thirst, excessive urination, dilute urine. i rapidly discontinued the gabapentin. i did not stop cold turkey, but the taper was much faster than would normally be recommended. during and after the taper, the symptoms got much worse, along with fasciculations and paraesthesias all over my body, and other symptoms similar to benzodiazepine withdrawal. the symptoms slowly resolved themselves over months. magnesium citrate 200mg before bed and a b-vitamin complex seemed to alleviate some of the symptoms for a time. over a year passed and the symptoms i am complaining of now started showing up, in about November of last year, after what i presume was a severe viral infection, either the flu or something like it. the chronic symptoms persisted after the symptoms of acute infection had passed. the cold hands and feet symptom is particularly new, previously i had the opposite problem, my hands and feet were always hot and sweaty, even in cool weather.\n\n​\n\nafter reading an examination of literature on l-tyrosine by a sleep specialist, i tried taking 250mg before bed for a few days, and this seemed to resolve the PLMD and i was able to sleep well for the first time in months. i also tried l-arginine thinking it would improve circulation but found its effects at the recommended dosages uncomfortable (1 to 3 grams per day made me hot, sweaty, itchy, nauseous, and gave me a headache). since the l-tyrosine resulted in marked improvement of PLMD and sleep starts, it would lead me to believe that these symptoms are dopamine-mediated (true PLMD is thought to be associated with parkinsons). However, it did not resolve all of my symptoms. it is also difficult to sort out which symptoms may be the result of chronic sleep deprivation, and which may be the manifestations of an insidious disease. because the symptoms came on slowly, are varied and nonspecific, and effect my cognition, it has been difficult to keep track of them.\n\n​\n\ni reduced my klonopin dosage from 0.75mg to 0.625mg about 3 months ago, and then further to 0.5mg after over two weeks had passed since i got down to 0.625mg. the acute withdrawal symptoms had subsided by then. acute withdrawal symptoms always included increases in sleep starts, PLMD, and nocturnal calf cramps. however, the symptoms i am primarily complaining about started roughly 3 months before i reduced the klonopin dosage. if i were to reduce the dosage further i would go down by increments of 10-15%, having the exact dosages compounded at a compounding pharmacy. switching to diazepam first and then tapering the diazepam is also supposedly an option, but seems like more trouble than it's worth. \"", "answer": "One thing you don't mention is his discussing any of this with his doctor. That would be a good start!\n\nVague but very troublesome symptoms of slowing, fatigue, and, and heat/cold can be thyroid issues, although they're not always, and hypothyroidism is more common in people with celiac disease. It's worth testing if it hasn't been already. Really there are many tests to be done, but a doctor should be directly involved in figuring out which will be most explanatory.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b2mew3", "comment_id": "eitkued"}, {"question": "My fianc\u00e9 has explosive anger and calls me names", "description": "I have been with my fianc\u00e9 for a total of 7 years, and we have been engaged for 3. We have been living together for the past 2 years in a small (but lovely and modern) flat.\n\nFor the past 9 months I've really been noticing his anger issues. He cannot control his outbursts.\n\nFor example, this morning my partner (at 6.30am) was cleaning the kitchen before work. He asked if I could get his work stuff ready which I felt fine about. He asked me to help him - not a problem but I have epilepsy so I am very drowsy and uncoordinated and can be a bit slow in the morning.\n\nHe asked me to pass the extension lead. I got confused as I thought the vacuum was plugged somewhere else. It was an explosive reaction to just my confusion.\n\nHe said : 'For fucks sake I'll do it myself, I don't know how you fucking breathe by yourself. Fucking idiot.'\n\nI'm not great at arguments. I find confrontation awful due to emotional abuse from my parents throughout my childhood.\n\nSo, I just went to the bedroom without saying anything and just got in bed. After 10 minutes of hearing him cuss about how he hates this flat (don't know why I love it) he comes in the bedroom and asks where his work stuff is. I said I don't know. So he then called me a cunt, left the room and slammed the door, and was cussing that I wasn't helping I could hear him muttering in the living room.\n\nThen he left for work without saying good bye.\n\nI don't really know what to do. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive but when he is like this I get really down and I can't really get on with my day. 80% of the time he is okay and funny and he cares for me when I have seizures. And I love him. But I just feel so put down all the time.\n\nTl:dr: been with fianc\u00e9 for 7 years. He calls me names - don't know what to do. \n", "answer": "end it if she doesn't get help and get cured", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g74kc", "comment_id": "dio6u7d"}, {"question": "I [22/m] dont know how to take things slow with the person [f/22] I'm dating/talking to", "description": "So long story short, I'm in North Carolina for a summer internship. I'm at my halfway point now in the 10 weeks. I started talking to this girl about 2 weeks in (this sounds right because she was freaked out about me skydiving). We met on tinder and due to her job and mine, date nights have been a toss up on when (every other week pretty much). We talk a lot over text and phone though and thoroughly enjoy each other. \n\nHowever, here's where my issue comes in, I guess my last relationship I got into really quick to the bf/gf stage and it somehow lasted a year. So living life in fast forward, at least in relationships is all I know. She would like things slow and no pressure on it. I totally understand because my last one I was miserable with and rushed it. \n\nHow can I keep things slow (and how do we define this) but still keep every possible outcome viable? I leave in mid August to go back to Texas for a few months to finish school before graduation this December. There's a nice chance that I'll be back here in February or so working for the company I'm interning with so I can circumvent that situation if all goes well-- and it has so far. \n\ntl;dr how do I take a possible relationship slow when I'm halfway through a 10 week internship and how do you define \"slow\"", "answer": "you can't go wrong going slow. slow usually means sex later than sooner. DEFINE what's going on so you're both on the same page", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6m85sf", "comment_id": "djzr1y4"}, {"question": "What blood test generate this report?", "description": "[blood test report](https://imgur.com/a/cSoDd6k)\n\nGlucose Tolerance Test\n\nTuberculosis Test\n\nUrine Drug Test Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Electronic\n\nUrine Drug Test DOT- Paper\n\nUrine Drug Test Observed\n\nUrine Drug Test Express ResultsTM Online\n\nOral Fluid Drug Test\n\nHair Drug Test\n\nBreath Alcohol Test\n\nHealth and Wellness Screening\n\nAll Other Tests", "answer": "I'm not sure I understand your question, but the lab panels that give those results are the bold headings on each paper: CBC with differential, comprehensive metabolic panel, TSH, and a few hep B tests.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a8bmhd", "comment_id": "ec9d55l"}, {"question": "Reddit is NOT for Black women, I am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "Reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. There's subs for things like Memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.\n\nBut as a black woman, I have learned **Reddit.is.not.our.friend.**\n\nSomething that I found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. Very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. I've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. Men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. Also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. But then if there's a black woman with straight hair I've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! The most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. Black men are rated way better than us. Just say you like European features better! \n\nWhenever I have talked about my experiences with racism I'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". But posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a POC didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes I've ever seen :(\n\nThis is why I only really go on subs for Black men and women only, because I feel good about my blackness and I can be myself with people judging me. And people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other POC) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**\n\nHonestly I might take a break :/\n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. You wrote about your experience so eloquently. You clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. Maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! Keep your head up! I see you, girl! Don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "eeqxiho"}, {"question": "Why do perkosets make me feel like everything is ok?", "description": "Ok I know all about opiates and dopamine and oxytocin but I don't know the details of why those work together with this drug to make me feel completely amazing and normal. I have complex PTSD and before I had it I felt how I feel now on a perkoset. \nI need to know more why this is such a nice drug...;)", "answer": "The drug binds to your brain's opiate receptors. These receptors play a part in helping decrease pain and increase euphoric feelings. The longer you take Percocet, you will feel these effects less and less, which will mean you will need a higher dose to experience the same results. I would recommend finding a different, maintainable treatment. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "22cfb9", "comment_id": "cglfyag"}, {"question": "Is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "I've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that I don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. I just feel nothing. The therapists I've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if I still feel anxious or sad. Is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "That's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. This is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work. \n\nThere are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "fxfhonu"}, {"question": "What to do on a mental health day?", "description": "I have worked 45+ hours a week solidly for over 15 months now. I have mdd and need a few days for myself and my mental health. My issue is that I have no idea what to *do* on a mental health day off. When depressed, I sleep. Therefore, I don't want to sleep the whole time. I don't have anyone to spend time with, so I'll be alone. I just don't have the ability to think of things I would enjoy doing.", "answer": "I second not wanting to sleep the whole time. Maybe making some plans, even if it's just with yourself, could motivate you to get outside.\n\nWhen I take mental health days, I try and spend it with people: either loved ones if they can, or in public if I'm alone. When I have the day to myself, I do a nice couple hour workout, hit the raquetball court, go to the book store or library and do some reading, catch up on a video game, walk my dog, and do some cleaning around the house.\n\nSometimes I also go get a haircut or nice shave. That feels so good to me.\n\nI also live near a beach so if I'm feeling REALLY adventurous I'll go sunbathe for a couple hours with a good book.\n\nRemember, it's YOUR mental health day, so pick things that you enjoy that maybe you don't get to do so often.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eppd8e", "comment_id": "fekuxw8"}, {"question": "Me [M, 20] Debating whether to get back together with an ex [F, 18]", "description": "We dated for several months in high school, then she broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with a long-distance relationship. Two years later, we've been catching up through a theater production we're both in. We've been texting frequently, she's been laughing at my jokes, and awkward eye contact with one another has been regular. Essentially, she's sending all positive signals. I want to ask her on a date this weekend--but I'm second guessing myself. When she broke up with me it was totally out of the blue and then she started dating a new guy less than a month later. I don't know if I want to give her the power to hurt me like that again. But also, the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that I genuinely love spending time with her. I feel that we've both grown a lot as people, and she seems receptive to a possible relationship. Any advice?\n\nEdit: forgot to mention that she'll be attending the same college as me in the fall, so the distance won't be a problem anymore.", "answer": "Just fucking do it. \n\nIf it makes you feel better, you're allowed to be mad if she dumps you again. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6otcj9", "comment_id": "dkkc3t2"}, {"question": "No interest in making guy friends because I see them as competition for girls.", "description": "This has been a thing with me for a while. I'm basically starving for female attention. I feel that whenever I'm with guys and there are girls around, the girls always ignore me. Getting ignored by girls makes me jealous and angry then eventually I start to dislike the guy till I no longer want to be around him.\n\nThis even happens with guys who are in relationships. For whatever reason they are more fun or charming than me and I end up ignored. The guys never seem to understand that I'm the single one and that I'm the one who should be getting most of the attention.\n\nIs there any way to fix this?", "answer": "A few things to consider here.  \n\n* If you're \"starving for female attention\" this is both a cause and effect of the problem.  The more you're \"starving\" the more you'll be projecting desperation, and no matter how good of a job you try to do at covering this up, people will sense it and for women especially, it will be a huge turn off.  So yeah, much like what kodechamp said, you have to find ways to be happy and enjoy your life with or without female attention.  It may sound counterintuitive, but once you don't care whether you have it or not genuinely, it'll be a lot easier to get.  This is probably why your friends who are already in relationships get more attention.  They're in relationships so they could care less whether they get the attention or not, so they don't project desperation.  \n\n* Most people find it easier to have friends of the same gender due to a higher likelihood of sharing gender stereotypical interests and the absence of one party becoming romantically interested (barring differences in sexual orientation of course).  The more friends you have, the more that shows the world that you're a person worth spending time with and that you \"can't be a total creep\".  You're right, the downside of this is if you are with a group of guys and you meet a group of girls, there's a good chance they'll be interested in one of your friends instead of you.  I don't mean to be harsh in saying this but my guess is those girls probably wouldn't have been interested in you in the absence of your friends.  The competition aspect is most likely in your head.  \n\n* It may be painful to feel so lonely as you watch your friends get what you want and don't have but it's also a chance for you to learn from them through observation.  How do they act differently from you that makes them more socially successful?  Start trying to model yourself after them.  Modeling ourselves after people who are better than us at certain areas is pretty much how we learn anything successfully.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "967vqe", "comment_id": "e3ymaos"}, {"question": "When we (33f and 34m, married) get annoyed/frustrated our ability to communicate falls to pieces. Advice?", "description": "My(33f) husband(34m) and I have been together for 8ish years, married for three. We communicate well with things are going well but suck at it when things aren't. \n\nFor some history:\n\nME:\n I come from a background where talking about your problems wasn't done and was probably a sign of weakness. Crying was for girls etc. and I grew up being a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle now. For example, when my brother died and I tried to talk about it I got shot down pretty quick and afterwards it was pretty clear that we don't talk about that now - and we didn't. I wasn't shown a lot of affection after that and I get that it must have been hard after losing a child and respect that but it was still hard. For example, I was in an accident and nearly died and needed a hug from my mother and she told me I was an attention seeker and turned away. I was so obvious that I had a stranger come and give me a hug while I broke down in tears. Again, I get here that it must have been scary for her and brought up a lot but I needed my parents and didn't have them. \n\nHIM:\nHis parents got pregnant at uni and when his Dad found out he left , coming back to pay minimal child support and then when he asked his new girlfriend to marry him, she responded only if you never talk to your son again and pretend he never existed. He agreed and my husband never saw him again. His mother remarried and he grew up as the other. Not really considered one of the kids and the first to get in trouble as a proxy for everyone else and has a lot of feelings of his life being unfair. He left home young and has made his own way since. He needs a lot of reinforcement and has a low self-esteem. \n\nTogether:\nWe got pregnant basically as soon as we moved in together and it was way too early in the relationship but we made it work. Because we hadn't developed a strong foundation there was a fear that any fight could be the end for him and he walked on eggshells around me. He didn't want to leave because he didn't want to be his Dad and I didn't want to make him leave because I didn't want to take away his experience of being a Dad. Anyway, we fell out of love, we fell back in love and we lasted. We worked through our issues before we got married but that fear of it not working pervaded the mechanics of our relationship even when we got to the point where we knew it was irrational because we had survived so much. \n\nWe ended up with a fear of confrontation, him because he thought I would leave him any time we fought and me because I thought he would get emotional and think I was leaving when I wasn't and I wanted to avoid the fall out. So we stopped fighting.\nI used to be a get everything out in the moment and deal person but now I am a walk away, calm down, get head straight and then come back and explain why things went wrong, what triggered the response, apologise or talk about the issues. He wants me to be able to do all of that in a heightened emotional state and I don't know how to anymore. We are good at tapping out or noticing when the other parent is overwhelmed and then they can go have a time out while we take over but we cannot seem to stay in the same space with those feelings and communicate without either feeding off of each other or getting the other one annoyed and making it worse. If he gets overwhelmed and angry he wants me to hug him to calm him down and make it all better but I can't/won't do that because I won't go towards someone who is angry. For clarity, he isn't abusive but I have experienced that in the past before him and he is probably less angry than I am perceiving through my own experiences. I get that he needs love in that place to feel worth but I don't know how to give it to him. \n\nWhat I am asking is, does anyone have advice or tools to be able to negotiate or interact successfully in times of heightened emotion. I don't want him to get cranky at the kids because he/we can't manage his frustration and it builds and I don't want him to feel misunderstood or unloved. When he is alright he is so patient and understanding and a such a great Dad but when he is overwhelmed/impatient/cranky then I tend to get angry at him and make it worse and I don't want to. \n\nHow do we calm each other rather than riling each other up when we are in that place other than removing ourselves or recommending that the other remove themselves. What do you do in these situations? We don't really fight - we get cranky and stop communicating and need to change this.\n\nEdited to add:\nTldr: Feed off each other when we are angry and don't want to. How can we communicate better in a heightened emotional state? ", "answer": "needs a summary;  tl;dr. happy to help if you do that. thanks.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v17ic", "comment_id": "ddyfjh7"}, {"question": "Should I get my heart murmur checked out again?", "description": "When I was born, I had a couple of small holes in my heart. I think all but one closed up. I was being put on Lithium and had to get my heart checked to make sure I was healthy enough. Well the doctor read the ekg wrong and send me to a cardiologist. He did an ultrasound and found that I had a small hole with a murmur, and it wasn't serious so I didn't need to worry. \n\nI think I was 11 or 12 years old, and now I'm 16. I get a lot of chest pain and some trouble breathing. Occasionally I just get sharp chest pains that get worse when I inhale, but it eventually goes away.\n\nSo my questions; \nDo you think I even have the murmur and/or hole? If it didn't close up in 12 years, will it never? \nShould I get it checked out, or is it fine?\n\n(Female, 16, 5'1\", 180lb, (I know my weight could be a factor, but does that cause the chest pain?)", "answer": "When was your last EKG/ECG? If you're on lithium you should be having it done at least annually.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lqfsh", "comment_id": "dbxtaqz"}, {"question": "Wife and I trying moderation", "description": "I\u2019m not sure what the attitude towards moderation is in this sub? It seems for most that post here it isn\u2019t an option. You have to go all or nothing. That may be true for us as well, maybe this is just a stage of the process we\u2019re in. Not sure but not going to focus on that too much for now. \n\nMy wife and I have been married for just 3 years.  We were both married before. I\u2019m 43, she\u2019s 33. We have a total of six kids ranging in age from 7 to 26. We both work good jobs and make a good living in the healthcare field. Not sure all that matters but just giving some background.\n\nWe both agree we drink too much, and for no good reason. We have long days so we both enjoy spending our evenings watching football or a Netflix show (Currently finishing up Last Kingdom!). We\u2019ve gotten into the bad habit of drinking the entire time we\u2019re sitting there. This usually means 1-2 bottles of wine or wine plus some bourbon. We end up going to bed drunk and waking up the next day feeling like crap. \n\nMy wife is better at being able to have just a glass or two, but not me. If we drink I\u2019m going to keep drinking until we go to bed. \n\nWe did this once again last Sunday. We watched football all day, had family over for dinner, and watched a movie that night. Drinking the entire time. The next day we both felt like crap, struggled to get things done all day at work, and couldn\u2019t workout (ironically we\u2019re avid CrossFitters)\n\nSo we talked that day and agreed to make a genuine effort to cut back. The truth is we don\u2019t want to eliminate alcohol from our lives. We enjoy going out or having wine with a nice meal. But we want to eliminate stupid pointless drinking while we\u2019re just sitting around watching TV. \n\nSo far we made it 4 days and it feels great! Sleeping better. Still enjoying our nights together. And having some great intimacy. \n\nWe\u2019ve tried cutting back before, but something about these 4 days felt different. We were so focused on how good we want to feel in the morning. We even finally did \u201cMurph\u201d a rather significant benchmark workout in the CrossFit community. It\u2019s often done on Memorial Day or holidays and consequently we\u2019ve never done it in our 4 years doing CrossFit. Felt awesome. \n\nI\u2019m quite certain we will have some drinks tonight or Sunday. But have the full intention of:\n\n1. Drinking less when we do\n2. Eliminating pointless weeknight drinking\n\nI would love to know what you all think. Thanks for listening!", "answer": "I think cutting out alcohol on weeknights is a great step to take, and will give you both the opportunity to see whether moderation is right for you. As someone who began about 5 years of moderation attempts in the same way, here are some things to look out for. \n\n- It\u2019s Wednesday, but you had such a stressful day that you\u2019re going to have just one or two drinks because you deserve it. \n- It\u2019s Thursday, but it\u2019s been a reeeeaaally long week and Thursday is almost Friday, so why not start the weekend early? You deserve it. \n- It\u2019s Friday, and you\u2019ve been looking forward to a drink all week. You\u2019ve been so good! Since you\u2019ve abstained all week, it\u2019s okay if you drink more than a few. Which turns into 6 or 7. You\u2019re hungover on Saturday. \n\nIf any of these things start happening with any regularity, moderation may not be right for you. Best of luck to you both and I hope that it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dndjas", "comment_id": "f5a488q"}, {"question": "My penis glans has a dark colored lump", "description": "4 days ago i found a lump on my penis glans (link at the end), it\u2019s about 1 cm diameter, no pain no itch. It looks like a bruise to me, but i didn\u2019t hurt my penis recently, so there is no way i can damage anything there. I am circumcised also. Please give me some advice, i am very confused about it. Thanks all!\n\nEdit: i am 27M, 1m8, 65kg. Haven\u2019t has sex for 1 year. Just masturbate. I don\u2019t smoke or drink. No medication and chronic condition before. \n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/6G5R9ng", "answer": "Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. It is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18M), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. For all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j6t0yo", "comment_id": "g81syxs"}, {"question": "Can someone please explain how a psychiatrist who specifically prescribes a drug receives financial kickbacks?", "description": "Does the psychiatrist who initially prescribed someone the drug initially receive revenue if any? Does the revenue get split up or changed if you switch doctors?\n\nThis question was inspired by [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/comments/bl18rf/mh_workers_lying_to_patients/) post about mental health workers lying to patients by trying to obfuscate the effects of dirty drugs which have permanent side effects. \n\nThe question is why would a psychiatrist go as far as obfuscate and lie about the effects of a dirty drug if they weren't getting some form of revenue?  \n\nThank you for any answers.", "answer": "doctors don't make money based on what they prescribe. Most respective physicians have taken vows or work in medical centers that prohibit them from accepting money from them.\n\n​\n\nif your doctor is getting Pharma money----you might want to re-evalute who you are seeing.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "bm0pwf", "comment_id": "eoehjg8"}, {"question": "After 8 years I don't think I'll ever get married and that thought really bums me out.", "description": "I'm 30, he's 35.  We've been together just over 8 years, he's raised my son since he was 5 months old, we have a kid together, we've lived together 6 years, and we share finances.  I think he's just gotten comfortable with our lives and we're never getting married.  I know people say \"it's just a piece of paper\", but it's important to me.  I've made that abundantly clear.  There's other things that I'm not completely fine with in our relationship but the marriage thing is the main thing.  Lately I've been questioning whether I want to continue in this relationship or not.  I love him and I love our life together for the most part.  I want to overlook the lack of a marriage, but I will hate myself if I do.  I'm not sure what to do.  I'm pretty sure I'm not leaving, but maybe some words of encouragement or something would help.  ", "answer": "If someone doesn't want to marry you after a year of living together, they most likely never will.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "73kcyp", "comment_id": "dnr5fyx"}, {"question": "Undoing all my body tension created from years of anxiety", "description": "I'm constantly trying to push my shoulders down and back but it's so difficult. I have pretty bad hunched shoulders, and tons of jaw tension as a result. It's a mix of bad habits and generally moving through life led by anxiety and stress. I'm always physically tense and everyone notices. Its super frustrating and makes me feel self-conscious. I just hate when people call me out on it - \"Are you a worrier?\" Or they just laugh at me for looking nervous. Does anyone else feel this way? \n\nI do exercises, use weights, stretch, foam roll, etc. But it's like, daily things such as driving, using a computer, work posture -- all keep me right back in the same position. ", "answer": "I got one of those adjustable standing desks and that did wonders for my overall posture. So did core exercises, but sounds like you're on top of the exercise thing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "aggdjt", "comment_id": "ee645wq"}, {"question": "My psychiatrist told me I shouldn't work. I don't know what to do with myself.", "description": "About two years ago, I had my first job at the age of 18. It was just a simple job at McDonalds. Things didn't go so well. I had a mental breakdown. They started cutting my hours until I had none, so I quit, and gave them what they wanted.\n\nMy psychiatrist doesn't think I'm in the proper mental head space to have a job. what the fuck does that even mean? I feel pathetic.       I feel worthless.                  I feel like a loser. I've been trying to get on SSI for the past year or so, under my psychiatrist's recommendation. I keep getting turned down. I have no money. I have nothing. I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been able to feel good about this. I don't know how to not be upset about this. \n\nAnyone else?\n\nEdit: Thank you all for your kind words.", "answer": "If the psychiatrist told you to try for SSI, they might be trying to do you a flavor by telling you to not work. One big issue for SSI is if you've been able to hold down any job. Most SSI lawyers (and it sucks but you'll prolly need one to win ) recommend not working at all and volunteering someplace that's easy but also can show they had to accommodate you. It's a shitty game. \n\nThat being said... Fuck them. You need to keep plugging, keep trying and keep working on finding a job that cares about you. We've had some success with a few businesses that have adopted ACEs aware hiring which means they are trauma (read: mental breakdown) inclusive.  If you can get a job where they care that you are there because of what you have (even if you don't believe out at first) then they'll get by when you can't make it. \n\nBesides, I'm in the belief that having 4-5 jobs fire you is a good thing for disability and in talking to a disability lawyer, he thought it was too as long as it's easy to show that the issue was your inability to do the job, not unreasonable expectations. \n\nSo deliver pizza, model bagel bites at whole foods, answer phones as a virtual secretary, play music on the boardwalk for change, Docent at a museum or work stocking books in a library. Fin what you can do and do it the best you can do if it fails you'll be able to know you're really trying. \n\nKeep at this. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "69nlok", "comment_id": "dh88j6l"}, {"question": "I can talk with everyone fine But when its a crush i dont have the balls to say anything. especially in text messages", "description": "can anyone please help me with this? i feel like i might actually have a chance with this girl but i dont know how to text her. when  I see her in person  things are way better but i only see her when she is at work. should i ask her out ?\n\n\nps. i just turned 18 and  I never had a girlfriend before\n\n\nEDIT: I dont know it it fits here or if it needs to go somewhere else ", "answer": "What's the absolute worst that could possibly happen by responding to her.   \n\nAsk her some questions, share about yourself.   Ask her out for coffee or something similarly easy.   If she's interested it will be reflected in her responses (or lack thereof).  Don't over think it.   \n\nChat with her for a little bit, and then say, \"I was wondering if you would like to grab coffee tomorrow\"  it's preferable to do this after a in person conversation.   \n\nAnd if it doesn't work, you will probably learn something. \n\nIf you do have a date and it went well, let her know that you had a good time and want to see her again.   Text more and schedule another date.   \n\nIf it doesn't work, blame it on not having good chemistry together or that she just isn't that interested.  And that's OK.   You tried and it will be easier next time.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2ht526", "comment_id": "ckw5mta"}, {"question": "As someone who found AA before I found reddit...", "description": "Sometimes I read really great stuff in this sub. It has been helpful. I love to hear people talk about getting two or three days, and being genuinely proud of themselves. The daily quotes are great. I am still repeating one of the quotes actually \"A turtle never travels without sticking out his neck\". Pretentious prick that I am, I say that all the time now. It makes me feel very wise haha. \n\nNow what is bothering me. There have been a number of times where people have posted here with very negative outlooks on the AA program. I guess it is not for everyone. I get that. I dont think it matters what kind of drinker/addict you are/were...it just doesnt work for everyone. Most of the complaints about AA relate directly to the higher power/spirituality aspect of the program. This makes me want to explode. Its like well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death. Part of my program is supposed to be about accepting others and knowing that the only thing I can change is me. It is just very frustrating to see people put down a course of action that has worked very well for millions of people. It makes me see that person as clearly being too smart for their own good. I really enjoy this sub, but when people come here and bash AA...thats like going to r/trees and bashing weed. Is there a subreddit for twelve step folks who enjoy being \"brainwashed in a cult\"? Is the internet even acceptable within the 12 traditions? Am I a total dick? Is it totally unacceptable to tell someone who has a problem with AA where I think they should put their drinking problem?", "answer": "I had to learn through a lot of frustration that lending the hand of AA does not manifest in me coming here and fighting against every person who talks down about the program. Believe me I did that for months. It's normal, it's human to care deeply for something that does so much for my life. \n\nThe issue with that fighting is that, what does Alcoholics Anonymous look like to the guy I just fought with when he has no where left to turn and can't stop drinking? Will he think of an accepting group of people there to help him recover from a hopeless state of mind and body? Or will he think of the asshole he said mean things and fought with him just because he had a different opinion. \n\nIf attraction rather than promotion is how our membership comes to be then, we have to conduct ourselves so that the program actually looks worthwhile. People who see, \"well if you dont like it then fuckoff and drink yourself into misery, insanity, or death.\" are going to turn and run away from this thing. \n\nIf a person wants to try and get sober without AA that is okay. If a person wants to get sober, but feels AA isn't an option because it's just a bitter group of people who have a my way or the highway mentality, then that is a failing on the part of the members of AA. It is my responsibility to practice these principles and all my affairs so that the next guy sees me and says, \"wow, this AA thing might really work.\"\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1yblyw", "comment_id": "cfj705c"}, {"question": "Rules for a break", "description": "My (33/f) marriage is pretty much caput (husband (35/m) checked out a while ago). I figure a break is the last port before sea. What are some typical rules for a break? How much contact? How long? etc...", "answer": "you should have marriage counseling; that will determine the rules.\n\nif you don't do that. then one month. no dating others. talk 1-2/wk", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zj2ju", "comment_id": "dmvo0w8"}, {"question": "Disassociating in Meditation", "description": "I\u2019ve been finding that while in meditation I\u2019m starting to disassociate. A feeling as if I\u2019m physically floating up out of my body. Two questions, one, is this disassociating? And two, any tips to help stay in my body?", "answer": "It depends on your beliefs. Some folks do transcendental meditation which often people report feeling separate from their physical body.  You can go with it or if you want to practice being in your body, do a body scan and incorporate mindfulness which would be maintaining awareness with different parts of your body. An example would be to bring awareness to the feeling of your legs on you feet, then to the feeling of your bottom on the floor (or cushion), etc. Going through each body part and face noticing any tightness or discomfort. Then you might go through each again and focus on relaxing each part and imagining it relaxing. Based on the info you\u2019ve given, it might be sort of dissociation, but that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it\u2019s a problem, though I can understand how it might be a bit disconcerting when it happens because it\u2019s not something you\u2019re used to. If it\u2019s happening in other times of the day when you\u2019re not meditating then it could be related to stress or anxiety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epn8sc", "comment_id": "feks2i0"}, {"question": "Help with sleep issues?", "description": " Age - 17\n\nGender - Male\n\nHeight - 186cm\n\nWeight - 73kg\n\nRace - Caucasian \n\nDuration - 2+ Years\n\nNot sure it this is the best place for this question but I'll give it a shot anyways.\n\nFor a few years, I've been able to go to sleep at a reasonable time without some sort of background stimulation (Audiobooks or YouTube mostly) and I feel like these, which I think help me fall asleep are bad for the quality of what sleep I get.\n\nI normally get into bed around ten or eleven, and often stay awake well into the small hours. I've tried not having and audiobook or anything and this seems to simply worsen the issue.\n\nI was wondering if anyone has the same issues, and if had any tips on how to improve the amount, and quality of my sleep are out there as it's having a noticeable effect on my life at this stage.\n\nCheers.", "answer": "Sleep problems can be very difficult to deal with and to treat. There are some general sleeping tips anyone could use ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep\\_hygiene](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_hygiene) ), other than that, it really depends on the cause of the sleeping problem. Sometimes when evaluating sleeping problems there turns out to be another cause, such as a depression, stress, addiction, or problems at home. Treating the underlying problem can of course also help with any sleeping problem caused by it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8ouxe", "comment_id": "ejzcdrm"}, {"question": "In some weird way I'm so afraid of death that I almost feel suicidal?", "description": "I'm so cripplingly afraid of death and leaving my loved ones and being nothing after death that I shake and cry and have panic attacks. I almost feel like I should just get it over with since it could happen any time anyway why wait to be surprised and crushed... ugh fml", "answer": "There are a number of life events you have no control over, Death is one of it. The sooner you realise this and focus on living and bettering yourself as an individual, the better. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8e9bls", "comment_id": "dxthjiy"}, {"question": "My first concert went better than expected", "description": "As the title states, I just went to my very first concert (a metal one of course) and I actually enjoyed it! I\u2019ve hidden in my shell all of my life and I stepped out of it for once tonight and it was the most surreal and amazing moment of my life. I\u2019m not saying that stepping out of your comfort zone is for everyone. Because no one person is the same as another, but if you have an urge to do something outside of your comfort zone, do it! It might actually be fun.", "answer": "Stepping out of your comfort zone is the ONLY way you'll ever learn to cope with your anxiety or recover from it.  It's never easy, which is why so many people avoid it and their anxiety never improves.  Congrats for taking the leap!  What band did you see?  Growing up, getting into the hardcore and punk scene really helped me deal with my own anxiety among other issues.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9grkt7", "comment_id": "e672n6r"}, {"question": "Metformin side Effects", "description": "Hello fellow PCOSers. So, I've read the side effects on metformin and I've displayed several just in the last 2 days. I started metformin back in January with no side effects, but I stopped taking it after a month because I was in the middle of switching my insurance. I started it again this past Monday and up until yesterday I was fine. Yesterday I had a panic attack, and severe shivering even though my body felt hot. Today I woke up shivering again and feel dizzy anytime I stand up. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it go away after a few days? I plan on contacting my doctor Monday, just wanted opinions from people who have taken it. ", "answer": "Call the pharmacy or your doctor now. Those are some intense reactions, I wouldn't take the lightly. \n\nI did have significantly increased anxiety on metformin including an anxiety attack. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "6aqpuh", "comment_id": "dhgt8ej"}, {"question": "My libido requires new partners", "description": "Hi Reddit. This is something I have been struggling with for about 7 years now and I it's affecting every relationship i've tried to build. \n\nWhen I start to date someone, my libido is fairly high. For the first two weeks or so, depending on how often we see each other, I am good to go two rounds every time I see the girl. But after a relatively short period of time, I lose interest in sex, and I basically only have sex to make my partner happy. \n\nThe weird thing is that I still get horny. I just don't want to have sex with that person anymore. I still wan't to masturbate and have sex with other people (of course I don't if we have gone exclusive). It doesn't matter if is a girl I am seriously dating or a FWB. \n\nI have tried the following\n\n* Give it time (up to 6 months exclusively with one girl)\n* Cut out porno and masturbation\n* Exercise more\n* Dating for a long time with a girl before engaging in sex\n\nIt is really frustrating and I think this is partially responsible for not having had a long term relationship in 8 years. \n\n(I apologize for my english, I am not a native speaker)", "answer": "I would highly recommend speaking with a sex therapist. This is much more complicated and lengthy then an internet post or two could cover.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvvyqg", "comment_id": "f7gpc80"}, {"question": "I think I've [23/m] found my soul mate [22/f] but i don't know how she feels about me. what should i do? ", "description": "I met this girl and we clicked right off the bat, and in every sense of the word we connected. we've had long discussions many a times about every aspect of life. Music,wine,movies and love. on the topic of love I've come to find that shes not looking for anything serious and at first i was alright with that but its evolved into so much more for me. we've shared some of the most incredible moments but I'm not sure how she completely feels about me and i keep getting mixed signals i just don't know what to do i don't want to bring it up and mess up what we have now but i also don't want to miss out on what might be my soulmate   ", "answer": "If you don't know how she feels about you, she's not your soul mate. (Also, soul mates aren't real. Just lots of people you could be compatible with and have a good time. Find one and be happy and don't be so hung up on this soul mate nonsense.) if there did exist such a thing as a soul mate, don't you think you could tell that person how you feel about them? And if they don't reciprocate, then they're not your soul mate. Communication.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "181wm8", "comment_id": "c8avwg0"}, {"question": "25/M - Would taking Norco help prevent needle pain from flu shot?", "description": "25/m 170 lbs\n\nSorry if this may sound silly to some, but I am extremely afraid of needles and sensitive to the pain. I skipped the flu shot last year but this year there is an infant in my house so I made an appointment to get a flu shot tomorrow but already thinking of bailing out because of fear from the pain. \n\nAnyway I have some Norco that was prescribed to take as needed for back pain. My question is, can I take it before the flu shot, would that lessen the needle pain? ", "answer": "[Here's a nice PDF factsheet about needle phobia from one of the NHS trusts](http://www.uhs.nhs.uk/Media/Controlleddocuments/Patientinformation/Other/Bloodinjuryandneedlephobiasandproceduralanxietypatientinformation.pdf)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77c7e0", "comment_id": "dokw1t7"}, {"question": "How does being on meds make you feel?", "description": "I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and have started medication. I'm the only person I know with ADHD and it's kinda hard not having someone around who gets it. My friends are happy to listen to me talk about what's going on but it's all pretty foreign to them.\n\nI have one friend who took methylphenidate at uni as a study aid but stopped after a few days because it was making her feel too amped up and reactive to outside stimuli, like she was having too many thoughts at once. When I take my meds, though, I feel calm and quiet and focused. It's like someone's turned down the brightness and volume on the world. My thoughts form an orderly queue instead of all jumping and yelling for my attention at once and I can take my time dealing with them.\n\nI'm actually finding it a bit unnerving, though, like being underwater or in a dream. I don't feel like myself and it's triggering some anxiety.\n\nOne thing I'd really like to hear about is how does being on medication *feel* for you? I know the theory behind meds but I'm curious about the subjective experience. What changes when you take your meds? What stays the same? Anything unpleasant you have to deal with, and what benefits do you see?\n\nThanks to anyone who responds :) This sub is awesome and it's been really affirming knowing I'm not alone while I go through this.", "answer": "One of the big things that Vyvanse helps me with is regulating my emotions. Off my meds, I feel much more emotionally reactive and can swing from one end of the spectrum to another. Plus, I can get to feeling hyperactive, which can be a struggle for my wife to understand and deal with. \n\nOn my meds, my emotions and thoughts seem much more orderly and normal. I don\u2019t swing from highs to lows and back as much and everything\u2019s not as intense. The world just makes a lot more sense to me.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b81c2f", "comment_id": "ejvmze2"}, {"question": "Woke up this morning for a hike. I wish it wasn\u2019t a hike cluttered with thoughts, but dammit, I hiked.", "description": "Got almost all 12,000 steps in for the day. Time for pre-lunch McDonald\u2019s. Have I mentioned this past week has been one giant junk food binge?", "answer": "Im early into this and i cant stop eating...junk food and everthing else. Im going with it. Anything but the booze. Good luck to u. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h83gr", "comment_id": "dyi6yef"}, {"question": "Should I leave?", "description": "I am desperate for some honest advice. Thank you for reading.\n\nI am a mid 30s F, married to a late 30s M for 5 years (together for 10). We are truly best friends. We like each other, laugh, travel, and have a great life together with shared friends and interests. He treats me well and loves me very much. We talk about growing old together. We have a dead bedroom and have had sex maybe a dozen times over the past three years. He has a low libido, mine is high. He also has challenges with alcohol (though is never abusive) and depression which he manages with medication. He is smart and kind.\n\nAs a result of the dead bedroom, we have recently opened our relationship for sex with other people. I have been seeing someone who I now consider my boyfriend, and it is becoming clear that I was missing more than just sex in my marriage, I was missing a romantic connection. I have fallen in love with this person. \n\nI know that my husband will do anything he can to keep me. He sees me slipping away and is taking steps to curb his drinking and change his meds. The truth is that I don't know if there is anything he can do at this point. It feels like we have always just been friends, and now that I know what romantic love looks like, it's hard to turn my back on it.\n\nI feel so lost and confused. I don't know what to do, and any scraps of advice would be really welcomed.\n\n*edited to say : No kids, minimal assets.", "answer": "always remember that 'new' ALWAYS seems better than 'familiar'.    romantic  intensity fades....though it certainly could fade to a much higher level than what you have with your spouse.  but will all the other aspects of your relationship with your bf be as great as it is with your spouse? that's the big question. also, if your spouse changes meds and stops drinking, his libido could increase by a lot.  in other words, there's a chance your marriage could be much improved.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqzyz", "comment_id": "de43jfg"}, {"question": "Psychologist job with mental illness", "description": "One of my dreams is to become a psychologist so I can help other people overcome their struggles in life however I have been diagnosed with depression in the past and I also use to self harm Can I still become a certified psychologist if I were to overcome my depression an self harm addiction or would I get rejected?", "answer": "Short answer: probably not.\n\nI think this depends a lot on where you are and the type of work you do, as well as the steps you take to manage your depression. \n\nIn states where I have lived , I was never asked about mental health history,  though clinical supervisors are sometimes asked if the student/applicant has any mental health condition that impairs their work .\n\nMental health issues , if they become a problem,  tend to pop up during grad school . 10 years of school and long, unpaid hours,  can be draining and stressful. Self care is really important. \n\nI also want to point out that not all psychologists treat depression.  If depression , or a specific population is a trigger for you , you can do a different type of work.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g0dzys", "comment_id": "fna511y"}, {"question": "When I hangout with people, I try to make sure we're more than 2 in total. Is this bad?", "description": "I dont think im socially awkward. I have no problem talking to people about deep topics or day to day topics, the problem is i dont know what to talk about. Im not a very interesting person in general, working on figuring out some hobbies for myself because i dont have any.\n\n​\n\nI work, gym, then go home and watch TV or spend hours on reddit, insta, etc. I have friends, we go out and its all good. But when im with just 1 person, I find difficulty coming up with topics to talk about and hence I try to have 2 people + me so they can generate conversation that I can join in. \n\n​\n\nIs this bad? What should i do to improve and have conversation topics?", "answer": "Read actual books. Books offer in-depth analysis and complex stories that will generate more interests compared to just scrolling and reading articles.\n\nEdit: I\u2019m truly curious about why this comment would get downvotes\u2014please feel free to explain! Books are wonderful, I\u2019m just not comprehending the downvotes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cji0vq", "comment_id": "evdg0j0"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin good for mild anxiety/slight depression? What else have you had luck with?", "description": "I have taken both Zoloft and celexa in the past. I thought Zoloft made me feel lethargic and groggy. Celexa was decent but I ended up discontinuing it because I thought I could handle my anxiety since I graduated college. I've been off celexa for about 10 months now and am going to talk to my doctor about starting one again. I was thinking about trying. wellbutrin. I am generally somewhat tired all the time the way it is and heard wellbutrin increases energy. Celexa gave me terrible dry mouth and made me put on a few extra pounds. Nothing crazy. Just 5 or so pounds. I've also heard wellbutrin is correlated to weight loss.\nAny input is much appreciated", "answer": "I have never been on an antidepressant before Wellbutrin, and I'm currently on week three, as of today actually. Since I'm so unfamiliar with antidepressants its really hard to say how big the changes have been, but I am more in control of my negative thinking than I was before, which also reduced my anxiety a little bit. I still have relapses in my anxiety, but it feels like it occurs less. My girlfriend today said that \"I've noticed you've been more happy the past week or two.\"\n\nBut it had some side effects, as of now the only thing I have is constant dry mouth (so I get bad breath a lot), and occasional headaches. \n\nThere was like a week and a half where I had an excruciating headache almost every day, and sometimes they would last up to like 4-5 hours. Now I get an occasional mild headache, maybe once or twice in the past week. I used to clinch my jaw really hard as well, I'm noticing it less than I was before, but I still think I clinch my jaw because its occasionally sore. Maybe two or three days in, I had a really weird depersonalization trip which made me want to stop using it. I was playing a videogame, and then I just started staring at the TV without doing anything for what felt like 3-4 minutes, it felt like I had tunnel vision just staring at the colors on the TV, my mouth just started hanging open too. Luckily that only happened once, but it made me feel really loopy.\n\nThat's all I can really provide, I don't know how antidepressants normally feel. As far as the energy goes, I noticed I'm not nearly as tired during most of the day (from waking up to about 6pm), but I crash really hard in the evenings (10pm+). Its to the point where I can't sit and watch TV without dozing off.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2oj1s9", "comment_id": "cmoavzv"}, {"question": "For Those Who Couldn't Metformin", "description": "For those of you who couldn't stay on metformin due to side effects, other medication did the doctor prescribe? I couldn't stay on met due to a nasty cough I developed, edema and fatigue so I'm curious what the next frontier may be. I'm taking inositol in the interim of my next blood test and medication prescription of whatever the doc tries next but I'm curious. Thanks in advance. \n\nUpdated to add: I absolutely love this thread and the posters. You guys are incredible and a wealth of knowledge for me during this PCOS journey. Thanks yall.", "answer": "Cinnamon + Berberine has sounded like a winning combo (with lower carb eating plan) for other folks I\u2019ve known who couldn\u2019t tolerate Metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8lxiik", "comment_id": "dzjje3r"}, {"question": "Is lip-syncing what you just said after you say it an AS trait?", "description": "It's been pointed out to me many, many times in my life that after I say something it looks like I silently repeat the same thing afterwards.\n\nI've never noticed it, not even once. I try to catch myself doing it, but people tell me I don't do it when I'm watching for it. But multiple people, from different times in my life have pointed this out to me.\n\nIs that an AS thing?\n\nEdit: grateful for all the responses. looks like it can be associated with AS in some cases. One more thing to add to my growing mountain of evidence that I may have this. I'm really glad I discovered this sub.", "answer": "All I can say is that I am an aspie and I do this.  It's almost if I am not satisfied by how I said something and try again (but in a whisper).", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "2q3roq", "comment_id": "cn2u0wl"}, {"question": "Spironolactone Withdrawal and Weight Gain?", "description": "I\u2019ve gained a few pounds after going off Spiro, and I was wondering if it\u2019s a common side-effect. Does it eventually stabilise? Thx.", "answer": "Yup. Gained 12. Took a few months to get back to where I was. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9cmg8k", "comment_id": "e5cbwa0"}, {"question": "Can you get PTSD from something that\u2019s not actually bad?", "description": "I was molested when I was a kid, but had no memory of it. Last year, I got into a sketchy sexual situation that eventually got me diagnosed with PTSD. However, that doesn\u2019t make sense to me, because the more I think about it, and the more I learn about actual rape, the more I\u2019m certain what happened to me was not rape. But- it did trigger my memories of being molested as a kid, which I had been repressing until that situation. So even though I made up what happened (or at least, hugely exaggerated how bad it was) can I still have PTSD? I didn\u2019t make up the symptoms, even though I made up the event. But I\u2019m worried that since I was unable or unwilling to share the details of what actually happened last year, and could only manage to say \u201cI was raped\u201d (but now I know I wasn\u2019t) that the person diagnosing me *thought* something awful or life-threatening happened to me when it didn\u2019t. Does that mean my diagnosis is a lie, too? I am certain if I shared the truth about what happened that it would not qualify as rape. Not in a minimizing or denial way- it just genuinely doesn\u2019t count. Can I still have PTSD? Or do I have to re-think everything? I read on the internet that PTSD can develop from false memories, too. Mine isn\u2019t a false memory so much as a lie projected onto a regular bad memory. But can I still get PTSD from it?", "answer": "Rarely do people claim they were abused/molested without there being a serious problem (wether or not the claimed thing happened). That is my starting point when a patient says they were molested.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cgio57", "comment_id": "euqcdyh"}, {"question": "I don't cry anymore", "description": "I've been to the brink of suicide and back, I've had everything I've ever wanted in life torn away from me and turned against me, and I've had loved ones die. Nothing makes me cry.\n\nI haven't cried in years. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried. Is this normal?", "answer": "It could be that with everything that has happened to you, it feels unsafe to start crying because you might not be able to stop, and the idea of that feels like losing the control you've held onto to get yourself through all that horribly hard stuff you've had to get yourself through.\n\nI'm here to say that it's safe to cry.  The well of tears is never bottomless.  I find it really helps to cry -- it lets out a lot of -- not sure what to call it -- bottled up feelings maybe?  When I cry I get more in touch with what's bothering me and when I'm done I feel emptied out and peaceful.\n\nThe fact that you're asking about it makes me think that on some level you think you might need to do it.  If so, go for it.  I usually do that by making myself think about things that make me sad until something gets me started.  Once you get started, you'll go until you're done.\n\nIt's kind of like sneezing or masturbating.  It gets stuff out of you that needs to come out.  It's good to do it periodically, I think.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17h081", "comment_id": "c85ef79"}, {"question": "Ex gf [23] broke up because she never experienced being single.", "description": "Little info - me and my ex were together for 4 years. We got together a little after she graduated high school. We\u2019ve pretty much been a part of each other\u2019s lives since. The first 3 years were great until we hit the summer of our 4th year. She started lying so she can stay out and party longer even though we had plans or have priorities to take care of the next day. Don\u2019t get me wrong she has really good qualities too, but I\u2019m just stating what I think was the start of it.\n\nAnyway, this last year has been a big roller coaster for me. Despite how much we\u2019ve fought and how much she\u2019s lied I\u2019ve always found it in my heart to forgive her because I love her so much. I\u2019ve always been forgiving because I want us to work it out. \n\nFast forward to last week, she did it. She broke up with me. I guess it\u2019s so hard for me because I didn\u2019t find her reason to be justifiable for a break up. She told me we\u2019ve been together for so long that she hasn\u2019t had a chance to develop and grow as an individual. As a single person. She wants to party without me being there or reminding her that we have things planned. She wants to fail and not have me there to pick her up. She wants to experience life without me. \n\nRecently we met up to talk and she told me that there have been times where I\u2019ve been overbearing on her and it\u2019s made me feel like I\u2019ve fucked up. So I asked her for a second chance so that I can improve, but she\u2019s unsure if she wants to get back. She\u2019s standing by her reasoning that she hasn\u2019t developed being single. \n\nI guess my question is, was her reason justifiable? If so, how do I get over her knowing I never got a second chance to make things right?\n\ntl;dr - ex broke up with me because she wants to experience being single. I\u2019m not taking it well. I need a direction to go from here. \n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "She doesn\u2019t need a reason. She doesn\u2019t owe you an explanation.  \n\nWelcome to adult relationships. Go find someone who\u2019s happy to be with you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7t3dpi", "comment_id": "dt9ja67"}, {"question": "PTSD: it does get better, it just takes way too fucking long.", "description": "Hi forum,\n\nThought I'd post some things that have helped me deal with my PTSD.  I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from childhood trauma.\n\nFor several years until a little over a year ago, I was self-medicating symptoms with xanax, ritalin, and alcohol.  A lot of people on this forum discuss medications for symptoms, which, of course, as I am not a doctor I can't speak to your case. Except to say - be very careful.\n\nI was mis-diagnosed with anxiety issues years ago.  I thought that seemed fitting, as I was not having flashbacks at that time, and I did not know that all of that shit had happened to me before adolescence.  I abused pills and alcohol for several years.\n\nI got sober a bit over a year ago.  I went to rehab, thank goodness, for drug and alcohol abuse. There, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I had flashbacks daily.  It was terrifying. I was constantly flipping my shit - and I had no drugs to curb the effects of the panic and rage.  I would cry and sob, huddled up in a ball in the corner of my room, for hours and hours on end. One day, I felt so much despair and sadness and hopelessness, I thought that if I woke up the next day still feeling that way, I would definitely kill myself.  I woke up still feeling like shit, but a little less like shit, so I did not kill myself (clearly.) \n\nI spent 5 months in this center, because I was not able to care for myself.  I stayed until I was nearly 7 months sober, and had some basic confidence that I would be able to refrain from committing suicide, although I still thought about it everyday constantly. \n\nThe super annoying thing is, that so many people told me I should take anti-depressants, because clearly, I was depressed.  Uhm, no, suicidality can happen for other reasons besides depression. Was I sad? Absolutely.  And even though sadness is a symptom of depression, it also happens to be a symptom of many other problems - such as PTSD, trauma, realizing your parents who should have loved you hated your guts enough to hit you and hurt you and break you, and that you could no longer continue a relationship with them because they still hated your guts and just wanted you around still, as they always had, as their own personal punching bag and dumping ground - yeah, those things cause sadness too.  And I was in early recovery, recovering from pill addiction, and still, so many people responded to my PTSD/grief by telling me that pills were the answer to my sadness.  Not everybody who has a headache has brain cancer, not every recovering person who is sad has depression. \n\nAnyways, I was in inpatient rehab for 5 months because I could not take care of myself and I was pretty certain I would commit suicide if I left.  When I left I was 7 months sober and still pretty certain I would kill myself, I was just too unmotivated to do it at that time, so I procrastinated.  I thought about it a lot though.  \n\nFor the first 4 months, they happened daily.  After that, I had a break of 3 or 4 days and then 2-3 days of flashbacks, and then a 3-4 day break again.  By the 9th month of sobriety, they had slowed down to a few times a month.  I still get them now.  I had a flashback two days ago.  \n\nBy the 9th month, when they slowed down, I noticed an obvious and disconcerting change.  I noticed that I was not nearly as hyper vigilant as I always had been in the past.  I walked around the city, and I noticed, it was so obviously different - I was calmer, and more \"down.\"  I was not on-guard, with racing thoughts and pulse and heart rate.  I was calm. This, while technically progress, terrified me.  \n\nI went and hid and my room and stopped going outside, except for my therapy sessions three times per week.  Without my hyper vigilance, I felt unprepared.  I know people are dangerous, I know they will attack at any moment, I know they are unpredictable and want to cause harm. But now, not being hyper vigilant - I was *unprepared.*  This terrified me, and I hid in my apartment for the next 5 months.  I would not even go to the grocery store unless I absolutely had to (like for toilet paper.) Otherwise, I would eat the rice and pasta that I had in bulk in my apartment, and just eat that for weeks.  I lost 20 pounds in six months, and not from choice.  My stomach was in knots, and I felt sick all the time.  I went to the doctor for physical tests, and everything came back fine; as I suspected, it was my anxiety that tied me up in knots.  \n\nI dissociated badly. For me, this looked mostly like me pacing and talking to myself, but sometimes, I would just get lost in my head silently.  For the first 10 months of sobriety, I would lose an entire day - 12 hours straight, with no awareness of the passage of time.  This must have slowly decreased, because by the 13th month sober, I dissociated about 3-4 hours per day, on average. Now, I dissociate about 20-60 minutes per day, and usually not all at once either.  I still dissociate badly when anxious, or when people are talking to me and saying things that affect me emotionally.  That's why I still use reddit so much; I can re-read what people type, as opposed to asking for repetition or missing parts of conversations. \n\nFor the first 15 months, I've woken up each morning either violently sobbing, panic-stricken and screaming, or enraged and throwing fists in the air.  It got to the point where I became afraid to go to sleep, because I knew waking up would be so brutal.  I wailed so hard I thought I'd break the windows and crack the walls; I'm still surprised my neighbors never called the police.  I developed some very OCD-like tendencies, but only right before bed - I think in a cooky attempt to procrastinate going to sleep, as I knew the wake-up would be vicious. \n\nI've been going outside more very little by very little.  I have individual therapy 3x per week and group therapy 3x per week.  I don't think of suicide so often anymore.  Six days ago, I woke up one morning and felt confused. Something was different. It took me a full 30 seconds to realize what: I felt better.  I woke up peacefully and happily for the first time in many, many years.  The next few mornings were awful again, and then, yesterday - I woke up feeling ok again. This morning, not ok.  But I now know it is possible.  So I was less afraid to go to sleep last night. \n\n**Here are the things I did that have helped me with PTSD symptoms and trauma recovery**\n\n1. Individual Therapy.  Absolutely necessary for me.  I have a trauma specialist, who I continue to see two - three times per week.  There is no way I could have gotten this far without professional individual therapy from a trauma specialist. \n\n2. Group Therapy - my group therapy surrounds addiction issues, but I know there are group therapy groups surrounding various traumatic experiences that can induce PTSD.  Group therapy has been so important, because it gave me a safe space within which to learn how to deal with being triggered by people. As mine is interpersonal trauma, my triggers often involve interactions with other people. Group therapy taught me to manage these triggers, and to learn to re-connect to people.  It taught me how to handle my mistrust feelings, and try to connect with people despite my fears.\n\n3.  Meditation.  This has helped immensely. It actually did not help me curb my dissociation - that was my initial goal in starting this.  I wanted to be more present, and that is what people say meditation helps with. Meditation did not help me decrease my dissociation, and actually, for several months, I had some kind of kick-back reaction to meditation, and I dissociated worse in the hours following meditation.  People told me to take it slowly, and they were right. First 20 minutes every other day or every third day, then eventually 30 minutes per day, and now 20-30 minutes once or twice every day.  It definitely helped with trauma processing.  I would have memories released during meditation, but they did not come as flashbacks.  That was much less brutal and terrifying.  I also had flashbacks released after meditation that *did* come as flashbacks, so, like I said, easy on the meditation.\n\n4. Yoga. I refused to do yoga for the first year - I flat out refused. But when I started doing it, it helped me reconnect my brain and body.  Dissociation happens when the brain is trying to escape the negative feelings in the body.  Yoga helped my body feel less uncomfortable.  I don't understand that whole thing of \"emotions get trapped in the body\" that people say, but some stuff was definitely trapped in my body, and yoga helped my body feel better. At first, it did not help with dissociation either; like with meditation, I had some kind of kick-back where I would actually dissociate worse after yoga. After 5 months of meditation, and 2 months of yoga, I began to notice substantial over-all improvement in a decrease in how badly and for how long I dissociated and lost time. I can pay attention a bit better in conversations too, though to admit, I still dissociate quite badly when people are talking to me and saying something that resonates with me. \n   \n5. The Alpha-Stim. This product is very expensive, and my understanding is that insurance does not help with the purchase of this product.  A doctor or therapist script is required for purchase.  It is a medical device with ear-clips, that sends electrical impulses in alternating pulses to your ears. It is similar to the concept of EMDR, but different. I have done EMDR, and EMDR did not work for me. This product has helped immensely. It has decreased my anxiety and has made the most immediately noticeable difference in decreasing my dissociation and increasing my presence and awareness. \n\n6.  Reddit.  It has really helped me to be able to come onto this forum and other forums and talk about my struggles.  With dissociation being as bad as it has been for me when in conversation, being able to read responses (and re-read them, and re-read them) has been so helpful to me.  With my feelings of mistrust too, reddit has been a safe way to interact with people.  If I had not had reddit, I would *not* have gone outside and associated with others still; I simply would have been more isolated and alone.  So reddit helped re-introduce me to humanity, when I was too scared and fragile-feeling to be willing to venture outside into the realm of real people. \n\n7.  Reading about my issues. Some books I liked: \"Complex PTSD\" by Pete Walker.  \"Waking the Tiger\", \"Healing from Developmental Trauma\", \"Schema Therapy\" by Jeffrey Young, and \"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem\" by Nathaniel Branden. \n\n8. Sobriety.  I have had to be sober to recover.  I was abusing xanax and ritalin and alcohol, among occasional other substances when I got bored/overwhelmed/empty, and I needed to kick this in order to begin to recover.  I never could have made it this far still using substances as I was. \n\n9. Removing my abusers from my life. I could not have recovered if I were still in those abusive relationships with my parents.  They have always seen me as a punching bag, and until recently, I thought it was my responsibility to learn to tolerate their abuse better, because they taught me that, and they have always refused to take any responsibility for their abusive and violent and cruel behavior.  Because they always failed to take responsibility for their behavior, and because they taught me that it was my job to stop being so \"sensitive\" and to \"toughen-up\" and to learn how not to be a \"problem child,\"  I believed until last year that it was me who had to learn to tolerate their abuse better, because that is what a good daughter does for her parents.  I now know that they taught me the biggest lies most abusers teach their victims: that the abuse is the victim's fault, that the victim provokes the abuse by being a \"bad\" person or a \"defective\" person or a \"problem\", and that she or he does not deserve any better than the abuse she or he is receiving from the abusers.  Untangling these life-long lies has required intensive professional help.  It required the removal of my safety threats from my realm of existence.  I had to cut my parents out completely, as they demonstrated an ongoing desire to refuse to acknowledge their responsibility to stop abusing, and continued to re-iterate that it was my responsibility to learn how to handle their abuse more gracefully. Removing my abusers from my life has brought intense grief (also not depression, no I did not need anti-depressants to medicate away feelings of grief and mourning and loss) but it has been necessary to achieve what recovery I have from the trauma they induced.  Establish safety: first rule of recovery from trauma.\n\n10. I did not kill myself.  This helped immensely. \n\nI've still got a very long road ahead of me, and I don't consider myself remotely \"recovered\" yet (whatever that means, I'm not entirely sure.)  I have a long, long road yet, and many days are still very bad days. I still have tons of problems that I post all over other forums here, but, suffice it to say, it does get better.\n\n**My point is, it does get better.  I've listed some things that have helped me.** ", "answer": "This is beautiful, not the hell of your trauma experience nor the experience of recovery, but how well you've described the extremely hard work you've done and the simple tenacity you've demonstrated by doing the work.  And you've seen results which is awesome even though its not perfect (what is?).  I'm super proud of you and I don't know you at all.   ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "3suot6", "comment_id": "cx13gnq"}, {"question": "Therapists, what happens when you see your client has been isolated?", "description": "I'm writing a story that involves my character going to therapy sessions, and she's been isolated most of her life. She's recently made a friend (although she doesn't know that she made him up) and here's where I have questions. In psychology, how does a therapist know that she's been isolated? What disorders are related to that? What questions might a therapist ask?", "answer": "In an intake,  I always ask about social support. \n\n\"What is your current living situation? Anyone else in the house ?\"\n\n\"Are you in a romantic relationship?\"\n\"Tell me about your friends. \"\n\n\"What was it like growing up in your family?\"\n\"What kind of work do you do?\"\n\"What do you do for fun?\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hsceh8", "comment_id": "fy9klw4"}, {"question": "Paranoia Help?", "description": "I've recently been struggling with paranoid thoughts, for which I was hospitalized for my own safety. I do not feel suicidal anymore, however everyday is a long struggle of thinking everyone is an undercover agent out to get me or keep tabs on what I'm doing. I was hoping to hear some tips and stories if anyone else has dealt with similar thoughts and overcome them? Or are they something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life? Thanks in advance", "answer": "Paranoid thoughts are scared thoughts, justified or not. If you ignore the specific content of the thoughts and focus on the emotional valence (scared), is there something you can do in those moments to feel safer?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bsjuw", "comment_id": "dhpav7e"}, {"question": "[22/m] I can't meet my boss's [40+/f] expectations because she doesn't even remember them. How do I deal with this? (Crosspost from /r/jobs)", "description": "Tl;dr: My boss forgets that she explicitly tells me to do certain things, then criticizes me for following her instructions. She doesn\u2019t respect that I remember things she tells me, and that I do remember when she hasn\u2019t told me something. She has a habit of implying her expectations rather than stating them outright, and I\u2019ve received veiled comments from previous employees warning about all of these experiences. Should I stay or should I go? If I stay, what options are available to me to get my boss to be consistent so I can actually achieve goals?\n\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nFor some context, I am a recent college graduate, and this is my first \u201creal\u201d job with a boss. I work in an academic laboratory setting.\n\n\nWhen I first interviewed with my current boss, my boss felt that my skills would better suited to a different position that didn\u2019t actually exist yet. Interested, I asked for a job description. To this day I have never received one, the explanation being that it would be easier for her to hire me as a part-time temp for 6 months rather than having to go through the whole job-posting procedure again. The hiring manager told me that I could be taken on full-time after this period depending on certain circumstances both in and out of my control. Despite not getting this arrangement in writing, I took the job. I am unsure as to whether this is common practice for a \u201cprobationary period.\u201d\n\n\nMy title is *research assistant*, and given this, I expected that I would be assisting a *research coordinator*. According to the hiring manager, this was supposed to be the case, but my boss lost her primary candidate for the coordinator position to a different job. \n\n\nOnce I started, it became clear that she expected me to pick up the slack. This would have been fine had I not also discovered that my boss\u2019s expectations of my abilities and responsibilities change without warning. \n\n\n**My boss forgets that she explicitly tells me to do certain things.**\n\nOn my first day, my boss hand-wrote a note telling me to add [Abby] to a legal document. I offered to put myself on the document, but she refused, citing that I am only a part-time employee, and she wanted a full-time employee on the document.\n\nFollowing her written instructions, I approach [Abby] who declines. I e-mail my boss informing her of the situation and outline some options for moving forward. \n\nMy boss replies to the e-mail with phrases like \u201cas discussed quite thoroughly this morning,\u201d and \u201cWhere are you getting this idea? Please let me know.\u201d *She had forgotten her explicit instructions to me.* So I scan her own note into an e-mail, and repeat the options I listed before. I felt the tone of her e-mail was unnecessarily criticizing, but I let that slide, aside from noting that I am trying my best to reconcile our communication styles.\n\nMy boss never responded to my second e-mail, nor has she addressed her mistake to me in person. So while I was sitting there waiting for something to come out of radio silence, she went ahead and took a completely different option I hadn\u2019t suggested. Despite part of my job being to keep her legal documents in sync, I had to find out from a third party that she had made this change without informing me, the person she hired to keep track of such things.\n\n\n**My boss doesn\u2019t respect that I remember the things she tells me, and that I do recognize the things she has never told me.**\n\nI am a newcomer to my boss\u2019s project, but since my boss is an understandably busy person, I have had to learn all the details of the project from multiple sources. What I\u2019ve found is that she\u2019s entirely inconsistent among the different sources, and she doesn\u2019t remember/realize that she\u2019s been inconsistent when I quote them directly.\n\nI think it\u2019s entirely fair for me to approach her about these discrepancies because not only am I the only group member concerned with this side of the project, but also really only she knows the details of how she wants her project designed. There\u2019s no one else to ask. However, I often get brushed off or told that I should know the answer to my own question as it\u2019s my job. I suspect she thinks I\u2019m incompetent when in truth my questions come from the information she has given me herself.\n\nMy boss also recently called me out in front of a group meeting that I had missed a meeting with her and one of her colleagues. I, perhaps stupidly, immediately said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2014 I don\u2019t believe I was explicitly told about such a meeting.\u201d She replies with, \u201cThat was not the appropriate way to respond. It was on my calendar. You need to write down what I tell you.\u201d She had never told me that she set up that meeting. This is my only job, and it\u2019s part-time at that. She asks me to send her e-mail reminders about small tasks all the time, so it\u2019s concerning that she has examples of me remembering extremely low-priority tasks, yet thinks I would forget something as important as a meeting. It may have been \u201con her calendar,\u201d but I\u2019m pretty sure that she confused her past *intention* that I be at the meeting with an actual *expression* of that intention.\n\n\n**My boss has a habit of implying expectations rather than explicitly stating them.**\n\nEarly in my stint with my boss, she stated in a weekly group meeting, \u201cYou should be in [the hospital] on Monday afternoons.\u201d From the context of the conversation, I thought this was a suggestion for the future, as the project wasn\u2019t ready for the hospital \u2014 my co-workers needed to complete some critical logistical details. This being the case, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to do anything had I been at the hospital. \n\nI find out from a co-worker the next day that my boss expected me to be at the hospital the day before, immediately following the meeting \u2014 my boss had e-mailed the co-worker about my absence, but not me. In fact, I have actually not heard from my boss any mention that I made an error in this. Taken with the experience where she told me that I needed to \u201cwrite down\u201d things she tells me, my boss probably thinks that I don\u2019t pay attention to what she says. That\u2019s untrue \u2014 I took into account the information I had *just* presented to her and came to the conclusion that hers was a statement about the future, whereas she had meant \u201cI want you to be at the hospital starting this afternoon despite what you have just told me.\u201d Why would I ever assume the latter when the task I would perform hadn\u2019t yet been *legally* approved to start?\n\n\n**I believe I\u2019ve been given warnings by older and past employees about her tendency to be inconsistent.**\n\nI have gotten veiled statements from older and past employees that seem to hint that my experience is not out of the ordinary. One stated that my boss \u201chas been known to constantly change her mind\u201d on important details of projects. Another past employee kept insisting that he was \u201csympathetic\u201d to my and my co-worker\u2019s needs and to contact him if we needed any \u201chelp on how to work with\u201d my boss. An employee of my boss\u2019s colleague noted that my boss expected her to do things the employee wasn\u2019t responsible for. She also warned me to \u201cbe careful\u201d about my status as a temp and the circumstances of my hiring. \n\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nIt\u2019s basically been a month since I have started this job, but I need some advice about going forward. \n\nShould I view this management style as a red-flag and drop it while it\u2019s still early, or should I stick it out? \n\nWhat could I do to make my boss more receptive to the fact that I am paying attention to what she wants of me, but I can\u2019t possibly keep up if she doesn\u2019t even remember where she places the goalposts?", "answer": "I would start looking for a new job ASAP... yes, you *can* learn to deal with a boss like this, but usually not without it taking extreme tolls on your sanity, health, and general well-being.\n\nIn the meantime, I would document, document, document-- Email is a good forum for this.  After you have a conversation with her, type up the outcome/directions from that conversation, and send them to her to \"make sure [I] understood everything you wanted and didn't miss anything.\"  Then you have a paper trail-- Keep copies of these emails incase they mysteriously disappear off the server.  I like to bcc my gmail account for this.\n\nThen, keep a log book (again, I like to keep a google doc for this, something not on the company server) and keep track of all the \"mistakes\" and interactions that are bizarre, condecending... AND examples of how you tried to rectify the issues etc.  Worst case scenario, you get fired and she tries to deny you unemployment or something, you'll have proof to back you up. You can always see if you can take these things to HER boss if things escalate that far.\n\nBut, in the meantime.... start job hunting.  Get a new job soon enough and you never have to put this shitty one on your resume.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1nbxmp", "comment_id": "cchdo9h"}, {"question": "[20 F] Is he just leading me on?", "description": "So I've only ever had one relationship, but it was long-distance so I only ever got to see the guy a couple of times within the span of 2 years.\n\nFast-forward to last Winter, and I had been seeing a guy for a month. I know it was only a month, but we were on break and we saw each other a LOT. He visited me at work and bought me smoothies and we went out all the time. We started out as friends and then he told me he liked me. I was scared to start a relationship because I wasn't sure how they worked, and if I got into one I KNEW I would be too emotionally invested. We texted casually everyday and he seemed perfect. We had the same taste in clothes, music, the same stances on politics and social justice, and he just seemed like an amazing human being.   \n\nPersonality-wise and socially, however, we were completely different. He's extremely extroverted with a lot of friends - I'm extremely introverted with the same core friend group from high school. His parents let him do whatever while mine won't even let me date until post-college. I've lived an extremely sheltered life (I still do, to some extent), while he just... hasn't. He told me I was beautiful and he said he liked seeing me. He tried to pay for all our meals and bought me a really nice Christmas present. \n\nAnd then, after New Years, he broke up with me. He said something along the lines of how because of his personality he always relied on people for companionship, and how he wanted to be independent. He said he didn't think he wanted to pursue things romantically with me anymore, and that he wanted to be friends. He also said something else about how we were on different paths, which is true, but it still really hurt to hear it. I was really upset... I had really liked him. To make matters worse, we continued on with our date and I ended up losing my virginity to him at my house, post-breakup. I cried and he comforted me saying things like \"it's for the best\", but he still slept with me knowing I had feelings for him. \n\nI told him I didn't want to see him or talk to him for a while, but that I would still be his friend after some time had elapsed. After a couple of weeks, I had cooled down and decided to try messaging him again. He said something like \"Hey, I was just thinking about you earlier\".\n\nWhy does he have to word things like that? Or just say those things in general? I thought I was fine, but I don't think I'm completely over it yet. I don't even know how to be friends with him again, but I still think about him all the time and I still feel the urges to message him. What should I do? ", "answer": "Losing your virginity is a very emotional thing. But he wants fwb, not a relationship, and if you want a relationship, I would cease contact and move on because you're just going to be hurt more.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5omz2b", "comment_id": "dckjr4w"}, {"question": "Is hoarding items a common occurrence during post bereavement grief?", "description": "My grandfather recently passed away and has left a lot of items to the rest of the family to sort out. My father was his son and is responsible for some of the house clearing, however, I do not feel he is able to at the moment due to being overwhelmed with grief. He doesn\u2019t show it but it seems to be there. Now that he is acting on the will he has bought some stuff home to sort through and potentially sell but I don\u2019t feel he\u2019ll be in the right place to do it. This means that our (once tidy) living room is filled with various items that once belonged to his dad and any time my mother and I try and confront him about it he becomes very defensive. Is this common with grief and is there a way we can help him along?", "answer": "Well.... time is really the key factor.  How long has it been since his father passed?  If it was in the last couple of weeks, having the stuff in your living room I'd say would be fairly normal for anyone.  He has to take some  time to process his grief before he can decide what he wants to keep and what can be thrown out/donated.  If it's only been a few weeks, I'd expect anyone to become defensive about moving the things or getting rid of them.  If you want to be supportive, I'd recommend learning to cope with the fact that your living room is going to be a bit cluttered until your husband can process some of his grief and sort things out (literally and figuratively).  As he gets closer to doing this, it may be helpful for you to offer to go through some of the things with him, talk about what is meaningful to him and what he can part with.  It may also be helpful to have the family over for a day to pick out some things they would like to keep.  Him knowing that the things are in good hands can help with the process.\n\n\nIf it's been months, the behavior isn't so typical.  It's usually a sign that there's something blocking the grieving process and it might be helpful for him to get some professional help with the issue.  \n\n\nIn either case, if you don't feel like you'll be able to cope with your cluttered living room, the best thing you can do is have an honest conversation with him about it and work together to find a workable solution for where you can keep the things in your house that will be more out of the way until he can get around to going through them.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cjunxe", "comment_id": "evg86yf"}, {"question": "Big sex frustration only for my side [25m&f]", "description": "Context : both 25, we don't live in the same appartment but it's a ten minute walk between our home, we know eachother for 8 years but we just started being together in january last year. She prefer to watch any tv show than having sex.\n\nSo my problem is this : we don't have at all the same want in sex.  We are in love, she's perfect for me (mental & body) but she don't like sex. She accept 1 or 2 time a month, she's not passionate at all, she don't want to discover what sex is. She seems prude inside and not at all outside. It drive me crazy. I'm never asking for sex anymore, i just wait until she say start. No bj, no sexy hugs, always wearing big pajama like a buckler.  \nI'm so frustrated (it's been more than 1 year, and I think we did it 20times) and I have no solutions that could fit.  \n  \nI don't want to leave her, she promised a lot of efforts but i never actually saw them.  Yesterday i bought some fun sextoys with her (nothing scary) but it seems not enough...  I tried a LOT of different things/ways to approach her and propose sex but 98% of the time i'm rejected.  \nAny advice before my head explode ?  ", "answer": "She doesn't have a strong instinctual drive. She doesn't NEED it the way you do. Unless it's due to a medical problem, it likely won't change. Relationships are a package deal. You have to decide if her other qualities outweigh this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68inyp", "comment_id": "dgywvch"}, {"question": "I'm not an alcoholic, but I want to know how much is too much.", "description": "I'm 5'10\" 110lb female and recently I've been exposed to alcohol. I ended up drinking over 8 bottles that night, and I continued to drink a few bottles through the morning and afternoon. I'm afraid I might get alcohol poisoning, so for my size how much is too much? I didn't black out during the night and I thought I was in good control of myself, but my stomach wasn't too happy about the quantity of alcohol I drank. Still there's a bit of pain in my stomach. It feels like I'm really really hungry and my stomach is curling up into itself. I asked my friends what their level off is and they said 8 beers. But they're over 200lb and males. I'm not sure when I should stop.", "answer": "It's so relative I have a hard time believing anyome here can tell you. I'm a 5'8\" 170 male and my cut off was when i physically could not intake more or when I ran out so I was around 24 beers a night. So there's really no way for us to tell you because it's so circumstantial.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hathy", "comment_id": "caskzl8"}, {"question": "Planning a big move in early sobriety! (What the hell was I thinking?!!)", "description": "I got sober in Colorado Springs about 8 months ago, and I've been working a fairly strict program. Regular meetings, weekly jam sessions with my sponsor, and spending lots of time with people also working the same program. Honestly, 90% of the people I talk to are in AA with me. I've been in school to finish my prerequisites for my masters, and was trying to figure out where I want to go back to school. As much as I've liked getting sober here, Texas is where I call home and where I want to eventually teach (my masters will be in education). \n\nThe academic program doesn't start until May 1, but I'm already putting some feelers out looking for jobs back in Dallas. I figured it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Except now I'm totally obsessing over the move and how the hell I'm going to do this financially and what it's going to be like starting over again and how much I'll miss my home group and the friendships I've built here. Ive been trying to ease up on the stress, and I'm usually okay for a bit but once I try to go to bed, my brain starts running on overdrive. \n\nAnyone else have experience moving in early sobriety? What obstacles should I expect (other than the ones I put up for myself)? Is it normal to be freaked out about this big of a change? ", "answer": "I moved to Texas for school at a little more than nine month sober. Before I left I was fearing the move and was scared of the differences between AA at home and AA here. I was freaking out about a ton of minute things. Right before I left one of the old timers I look up to told me, \"It's not change that's painful, it's the fight we put up against change that is painful.\" For me to be successful in the move I had to do my best not to fight the change in circumstances. I also had to do the same things I did back home. That being; going to meetings, actively working the twelve steps, doing services work, surrounding myself with other recovering alcoholics. That is all very easy to do, but not being a regular anymore and not knowing anyone made me fearful about going to meetings. Once I got back into the swing of things like I was back home though things have never been better.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1s23vf", "comment_id": "cdtg6o3"}, {"question": "Am I a fool for going into this ?", "description": "I started seeing my sisters boyfriends friend, he is lovely to me but it's kind of long distance ( 30 min plane ride ) apart. My sister says he is a total player and cheated on his ex . I know this is true that he cheated and I spoke to him about it and he told me that it's true as well and he doesn't feel great about it but he wasn't happy in the relationship for a while. \n\nI had got over that and now my sister tells me that on nye he went back to his friends house and kissed his friends sister . I'm so disappointed in him and upset. We had just spent a really nice two weeks together and then two days later he does that. hOwever it was the start of us dating and I had told him to do what he wants and we weren't exclusive. My sister reckons he is a total dick with no respect and I'm making a huge mistake . \n\nI am considering breaking it off with him. But ... Shouldn't I give him a chance? He hasn't really done anything wrong but unfortunately I've had all his dirty Laundry Airred out in front of me so I have a few options\n1run now and cut my loses.\n2 date him and give him a chance.\n3 date him but dump him cos I'm gonna be paranoid about him cheating on me. \n\nIs a cheat always a cheat ? And should I be annoyed about him kissing another girl if we weren't together ? I'm not sure i wouldn't have done the same if I'd met someone cute that night? .... ", "answer": "i would ask him if he indeed has a history of cheating on girlfriends, and go from there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s7xi2", "comment_id": "ddd0r8f"}, {"question": "im 13 and", "description": "i feel like my depression isnt valid. im constantly reminded that other people have it worse than me, and im starting to believe that i dont deserve to call myself mentally ill. the people who know tell me that because im not cutting or committing suicide, im \"fake depressed\". im seriously considering it, partly to prove them wrong and partly so that nobody has to see my face ever again.\n\non another note, ive always been told i was a gifted child. they said i was the smartest of my batch in grade school. and now that im in a prestigious high school, im having an extremely hard time. the stress and the knowledge that im not living up to peoples expectations is pushing me over the edge. \n\ni havent told my family im depressed, but i feel like they know. im scared to tell them in case they have a negative reaction. the first person i told (my friend) said that i didnt deserve to take up a spot in a government-funded school if im just gonna kill myself and waste it all.\n\nthats it, i guess. thanks for listening to my problems. youre a few of the only people that have.", "answer": "Your feelings are valid. There is no comparison on who feels even worse. That's just stupid.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "cpra0x", "comment_id": "ewub6hp"}, {"question": "I (27M) am about to do something I may regret to her (29F)", "description": "I'm a terrible terrible person and fuck I hate myself but I don't know if I can not do this. I'm married, have been for several years. Long-distance with my wife for a while now. Before we met we both had some baggage coming into the relationship, mine was this desire that I hadn't done enough sexually before meeting her. We both acknowledged this and in the beginning she was open to a more open relationship. As things went on though, things kind of steamrolled and now we've been married for several years, she doesn't want to do any of the things anymore that we had initially thought about. Now we are long-distance and we see each other less and less. I told her how I get these urges once and she said she didn't want to talk about it with me, but that she may be okay with me having a physical relationship with others. But she has severe generalized anxiety and anything off course about anything sets her off and I basically boil over inside because I can't tell her how I've been feeling recently...\n\n Now there is this cute girl messaging me from work that wants to hang out today. I was flirting with her for sure, I shouldn't have done that. And she's made her intentions pretty clear for the weekend... fuck this is what I always wanted, but it is gut-wrenching and it's going to hurt her. Even if I never bring it up and it stays hidden (which I'd doubt), it's going to haunt me. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't know what advice I want. I'm obviously a fuck-up. I don't deserve my wife. But maybe I would regret not doing this too...fuck.", "answer": "You either want to be in a committed monogamous relationship or you don't. Always best to maximize the status quo before making a major decision about the future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5xh1we", "comment_id": "dei0zac"}, {"question": "What's Up Wednesday", "description": "[It's. that. day. again. Guess what day it is!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi9eTOqqTMs)\n\nYou guessed it. Happy hump day! What's up Wednesdays are when we calibrate our sobriety, check in, see how our /sd buds are doing, and support each other. Share your struggles, triumphs, and general chat-type contemplations with us below!\n\n**Triumph:** I am absolutely crushing my new role at work. It feels good and the change of pace is nice. \n\n**Struggle:** Have been not working out as much as I would like, life is busy and I am not making the time to prioritize fitness. I know it's affecting my mood and I need to re-center myself and get back on track.\n\n**General:** Loving this cooler weather!!! How is everyone enjoying the change of seasons where they are?", "answer": "Triumph: 51 days sober for the first time ever.  Had a great conversation the other day with husband about his drinking and attempts to moderate.\n\nStruggle: Feeling burnt out at work last week carrying over into this week.  It's really, really hot and humid and sticky here and that is irritating me.\n\nGeneral: I cannot wait for actual fall weather.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d5rzzy", "comment_id": "f0p25dc"}, {"question": "Can never seem to find a type of therapy that is fitted to my needs... can anyone help? [a bit of a rant]", "description": "I don't really know what my diagnosis-type problem is. I've felt extremely depressed, had numerous panic attacks, flashbacks to abuse, and episodes of dissociation with my own personality (I recognize this is ironic as right now I'm writing this for the dominant personality of my brain, though I am her alter). I know that the problem I have with therapy is that I go into complete shock when I walk into their office and put on my happy-girl disguise. I know I emanate an air of \"everything's fine but sometimes my problems stress me out and I get a little upset.\" But every time I try to be honest (for example, this past semester I JUST told a therapist about abuse that occurred four years ago, and it freaked me out so much that I never went back) I end up backtracking and making it seem less big of a deal than it actually is. \n\nI've been to three or four different therapists, and all of them seem to just want to let me talk until I feel better. The problem is, that isn't going to help me. The problems I have aren't just stress or things I need to work through, they have other causes. Aren't therapists allowed to... you know... suggest ways to help? And I don't mean \"well, have you tried making lists of things you need to do to make yourself less anxious?\" \n\nMy GP has me on a high dose of Buspirone for \"some low-level anxiety\"  but I don't feel like it does anything. \n\nI don't really know what to do. I'm at a loss. Any help would be appreciated. ", "answer": "> I've been to three or four different therapists, and all of them seem to just want to let me talk until I feel better. \n\nAt the beginning stages for most kinds of therapy, this is kind of how it goes -- the therapist does a lot of listening because they're trying to conceptualize your situation. It would be a little presumptuous and disrespectful for a therapist to offer suggestions before they had a solid understanding of your case. \n\nBecause you felt comfortable telling your latest therapist about your abuse, even though it freaked you out later, maybe you should try going back. It sounds like you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, which, even though it's scary, is excellent progress. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "16a7cg", "comment_id": "c7u5t49"}, {"question": "College Anxiety...I don't know what to do...I think I'm just too stupid to learn.", "description": "So...Here's the thing...I dropped out of High School at 16. I got a GED. I got Ds and Fs in High School and now I'm going to be starting college to get my degree in Computer Science so I can be a programmer...The problem is, going to college gives me such severe anxiety. I have this extreme phobia that I'm just too stupid to learn anything. Like I just keep having these images in my head of me reading textbooks, listening to lectures and trying really hard to learn things but it just doesn't...Stick...If that makes sense. I've had similar anxieties about learning new languages, like if I try to learn a second language I just won't be able to, like my brain won't process it. I just...I don't know...I can't fail college. I keep fearing I won't learn, I'll fail college which will make my girlfriend leave me and I can't go through that...I almost feel like I should just not bother with college and see if I can convince my girl to let me be a stay at home dad...But I don't think that will work, so I have no choice here...\n\nThanks for listening to my ramblings. If anyone can help, that would be appreciated.", "answer": "It is perfectly natural to be anxious about starting school. Everyone from kindergarteners to first-year PhD students get nervous about their new programs. Think back to a time when you were anxious about something (possibly about going to school). Was it as bad as you thought it would be? How did you cope with that situation? \n\nI highly doubt that you are too stupid to learn anything. That is your anxiety talking, that's not you. You had a rough time in high school it sounds like, but you got your GED. That is not as easy as many people make it out to be. College for most people has less to do with intelligence and more to do with motivation and perseverance. You might not get things right away, but it is more important that you keep trying and get into a routine. College is also about learning about yourself, becoming who you want to be, and networking with people who are going to be working in the same or similar field. \n\nIf you think it would be helpful, most colleges have a counselor/advisor that is assigned to you and can help with some of the concerns you are having. Perhaps that is something you would like to look into?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "3erllt", "comment_id": "cthv683"}, {"question": "How to conquer/tips on social anxiety", "description": "I recently started working at a new Police Department. Every one is really nice and welcoming. However, I've always been terrified of social situations. I know what to say and how to act , it's just always kind of forced. Especially around women. I have a fiance, so I'm not looking for a girl friend. I was just wondering if any one had some tips for me on being more outgoing and well, less forced. Thanks!", "answer": "Couple of things, one simple/practical, one a little deeper.  \n\n1.  Greet everyone you make eye contact with regularly.  Even if this feels forced, just start making it a habit.  You'll come off as friendly and approachable.  \n\n\n2.  Don't try to impress everyone or make everyone like you.  No matter what you do or how you act, there are people at your job right now who will really like you for who you are, some who will be completely put off by you, and the majority fall somewhere in between.  Figure out who you connect with and spend more time socializing with them than the others.  The only thing that most people will be put off by is the person who attempts to please everyone.  \n\nBe civil to everyone though no matter where they fall on that spectrum, after all, it's work.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8j9o97", "comment_id": "dyyp0fk"}, {"question": "Life support question?", "description": "I am new to reddit. I read the requirements, but this isn't a question about myself, its about my grandma. If it isnt allowed here, before deleting can someone please let me know where I can ask? \nMy grandmother is 87. She has been sick for a while and she has now gotten very sick and is on life support. She isnt coming back this time :( I live in NYC. And she lives in TN. I am not able to go to TN until December 20th due to military obligations. Could they wait to pull the plug until I got there? I really want to say my goodbyes.  Even if she cant hear them, just for my peace. Thanks in advance. ", "answer": "This is a question about legal and hospital policy rather than healthcare, so I don't think we can answer. If your grandmother is on some kind of life support (ventilator?) and your family decides to withdraw care, they can usually make that decision when it is best for family.\n\nI'm sorry for your family. That can be a very hard situation and very hard, sad decision.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4wlkn", "comment_id": "ebi1o6i"}, {"question": "Too painful to walk... I need help.", "description": "Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old asian female, and I'm 155lbs and 5\"7. I'm pretty healthy, and had no major issues. So I don't take any meds.\n\nSo aI got this painful bump at the panty line area, and I was too afraid to go to my doctor since he's a guy. I've never encountered anything like this before. At first I thought it was an irritation from the period pads because it was that time of the month. But then after a couple of days, it grew into a massive bump the length of my pinkie and height of my pinkie nail. It's been about 4-5 days since I noticed it and it has become very big. Here's a link to the picture: http://imgur.com/5I0PNH8\n\nI was at work today and I had such a hard time walking because it was painful. Like an extreme pinching  pain? But I couldn't say to anyone why it hurt because I was too embarrassed... If anyone can tell me what this is or can tell me some ways I can alleviate the pain, that would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Maybe a small abscess? Anyway go see your doc (we've seen everything, don't feel embarrassed!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6pu99c", "comment_id": "dks8glk"}, {"question": "Things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles\n\n- stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands\n- you will lose your voice\n\n- your throat will constantly ache and burn\n\n- your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front\n of the toilet\n\n- you will get horrible acid reflux\n\n- you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies\n\n-you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "My throat is so sore right now. If anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "fgiwmgi"}, {"question": "Zeldox/Ziprasidone Overdose question", "description": "Hi there, I\u2019m a 23 year old female. I am 260 pounds, and 5\u20195, Caucasian. I live in Canada. \nLast year I took an overdose of my Zeldox medication and had to go to the hospital to get it out of my system. Now my doctor has gotten mad at me for stopping the medication and told me to start it again. I\u2019m worried to take it though because of the overdose I had, I\u2019m worried taking it will make me want to overdose again, but I\u2019m also worried that if you overdose on a medication if it\u2019s safe to ever take again? I know that sounds stupid, but I\u2019m genuinely worried. If anyone can help, it\u2019s greatly appreciated. Thanks! ", "answer": "If you overdose on a medication it's often safe to take it again once the overdose is out of your system. It doesn't build up anywhere. There might be exceptions if the overdose causes damage to the organs that metabolize the drug, but that's not a concern with ziprasidone.\n\nThe questions I have here is why you're taking ziprasidone, why you think the medication made you want to overdose before, and whether you have a reason to stop it now other than worry about overdose. In general ziprasidone isn't known to cause suicidal thinking, and it may be protective as a mood stabilizer or adjunctive antidepressant. If you wanted to overdose regardless of medication, blaming the medication doesn't make sense to me. If you've never felt like that before, starting taking ziprasidone, and then shortly after overdosed maybe there's cause for concern that starting it has a bad effect on you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8guz39", "comment_id": "dyez8be"}, {"question": "I can't stop reliving things in my brain. It won't stop.", "description": "Incredibly long story short. I was in an extremely abusive relationship for two years ago. I was 14 when we started dating and 16 when we \"broke up\". Now I'm 19. I can already hear the groans \"girl troubles\". It's not necessarily what you think it is. I was trapped for years with a horrible manipulative sociopath. I was called names every day. Got boiling water spoons put on my face, was cheated on a few times a week. I was told that she'd ruin me if I ever told anyone what happened. She used to hit herself and tell her friends and family and my own mother I beat her. She told people I beat her into a miscarriage after I never even got her pregnant. But I couldn't leave even more so based on the fact that she said she'd end her life if I even thought of leaving. So I was stuck at that very young age. I'll spare more details. But i will give you the end. Eventually she sent nudes off of my phone while i was asleep. I woke up to see the sent messages and then told her it was too much. We broke up. Officially. A few days later I went to go and get my stuff from her house. When I got there she was being really nice, unusually from a person who's life goal was to ruin me as a person. But I just thought she must've been high as fuck or something to be acting that way. Anyways we got to her room. And to spare details that may trigger some people here. She got me to close my eyes, then open them, then she hung herself in front of me. This was three years ago. I left out a bunch of things that still hurt but that's the only thing I keep seeing. A few months afterwards i got a single session and was told I have PTSD. But I didn't feel I did until now. I just recently realized what my life is. I've been a shut in for three years now. I hangout with someone once every few months. I spend my days desperately distracting myself from reality. Watching movies and reading and playing video games ALL day. When I don't, well that's why I'm here. When I don't I sit there with my own thoughts, when I'm in silence I get this bad vibration through my whole body and I cringe and twitch. Afterwards my hands have a constant tremble and I see images , these flashes of key moments in our relationship. Mainly her face when she was there hanging. Seeing the life leave. I can't stop seeing it. And it's getting more and more constant. The last few months I've had nightmares almost every night. Of her trying to kill me. It's always her trying to stab me. It always starts with us going good, maybe even having sex. But then she just starts trying to stab me. A lot of the time she does, then I die. Then it starts again before I wake up. I know that I have PTSD but it's never been this way before. I can't even function now. I've been single for 3 years now too. I have nobody left. I'm alone and just stuck with all of these memories. What do I do? I want so bad to get better. More than anything else. I still have hope inside me. Can anyone please help me out, maybe tell me some advice? I'll take anything. I just want this all to end. It's going to ruin my entire life.\n\nThank you to everyone who's going to reply. Please keep fighting.", "answer": "The intrusive repetitive, undesied memories are a hallmark of PTSD.  There's no simple solution to remove them really.  You can't erase experience.  You can change your relationship with it though, and the intensity of the exercise can and does change over time.  There are a couple therapies that work to help and some share mechanisms.  The first mechanism is that talking about the experience in great detail over and over again, if you can tolerate doing that, tends to help people become less reactive towards the memories.  They're still there but carry less voltage.  A second mechanism is teaching you emotional regulation skills such as how to calm yourself.  A third involves teaching interpersonal and social skills.  A fourth involves helping you develop mindfulness skills which help you identify less with the flashbacks and instead regard them more dispassionately.  The end goal is to get you back out into the world and getting on with your life despite the symptoms.  I would urge you to seek out specialized trauma therapy where you can work on such skills.  Here are some therapy names to inquire about;  \nProlonged Exposure (PE)\nCognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)\nAcceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)\nSkills Training in Affective and Interpersonal Regulation (STAIR)\n", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "3kmpc2", "comment_id": "cuywsj7"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have trouble connecting with people?", "description": "I didn't think I did, but now I think I do? I don't think I've ever felt a genuine connection to anyone ever in my life. Is this a BPD thing or is something else broken with me?", "answer": "Yes. Don't think people care, don't know what to talk about, afraid of being rejected, afraid of burning bridges and causing more problems", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9vzdmo", "comment_id": "e9ge6sh"}, {"question": "Low BMI with pcos. What are some tips to combat this?", "description": "I have a bmi of 18.5. I've taken two blood tests but my testosterone levels were really low. I've gone to three doctors and have received three different diagnoses (normal, cysts but not pcos and recently pcos). It's frustrating and I think it's just better for me to accept that I have pcos since I have terrible mood swings and long cycles (get my period every 40 days).\n\nAnyone with similar problems? Any natural remedies? I would go vegan or no carb but I have a super fSt metabolism and I'll be rail thin. I've also gotten tested for thyroid issues which came out negative but hormones fluctuate all the time so maybe I should do it again?", "answer": "Hm. My BMI is around 19.5 so I'm heavier than you are, but still not the typical BMI range for PCOS. How are your general eating habits? It's not so much about how thin you are, but maybe eating balanced meals could be helpful? ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3rujoq", "comment_id": "cwrgf0s"}, {"question": "S/O was locked in a doctor's room for over 30 minutes", "description": "Hello all, this is not a conventional post as you might already have noticed. I think I will post this over at r/legaladvice aswell, so if any mod thinks this post does not belong here feel free to remove it and accept my apologies.\n\n\nSo my girlfriend had a OBGYN appointment this afternoon for some 'routine tests' following a miscarriage. From what she has told me she was escorted to an examination room (sorry I don't know the lingo so I'll just call it that) after a few words with the doctor he left and the door was locked behind him. She was trapped for over 30min despite banging on the door and asking to be let out. I believe that's about all the detail that is necessary for now. The medical staff insisted this was perfectly normal and not an issue at all. Apparently this is not the first time this has happened. \n\n\nMy immediate advice to her was to call the police and explain what had happened. I am no lawyer or doctor so I don't know the laws surrounding this type of thing but my intuition tells me that when somebody shows up by their own volition for an examination they cannot be held against their will and should be allowed to leave if ever and whenever they want to so long as no danger is posed to anyone. \n\n\nIf someone in the field could please give me some insight before I contact the police (because she refuses) it would be greatly appreciated.\n\nThank you", "answer": "It's false imprisonment, which doesn't sound proportionate to any particular risk. Never heard of something like this ever happening, assuming what you say is correct.\n\nIf the clinicians can't give a reasonable explanation, then it is indeed a police matter - but you need to be absolutely sure about the facts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57imtu", "comment_id": "d8sbjw5"}, {"question": "Issues w therapist to work w/ autism, dissociation AND ptsd", "description": "I\u2019m not sure what sort of crowd hangs here and what your knowledge is....but I guess I\u2019m making this post as a general \u201cI need help hearing what options could maybe work for me/hear other people wisdom on the subject\u201d. \nI may repeat this post to subs specific to the disorders mentioned too cuz I don\u2019t know where to go tbh....\n\nI have had a couple therapists in the past that have helped narrow down my problems and diagnosis. I have DID, (c)PTSD, and autism. Along with OCD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD but I put those on the back burner compared to the other three that affect me the most (was dxed with those other ones before DID & PTSD so i consider the label a lot more... loose). But I\u2019ve had issues with numerous therapists after a while- as one may greatly understand ptsd but not understand DID/dissociation at all. Or they get autism but not trauma stuff. \n\nI have a therapist right now who I have been with for a good while and confirmed my autism which has been greatly helpful and has made me realize even more what problems I have had with past therapists not understanding things. For example, my PTSD experience is very different *because* of my autism. I process things differently, I break things down differently, etc. I realized this more after a failed attempt at CBT therapy for trauma victims...\n\n\nI\u2019ve been through many therapists. One did not understand DID and had \u201cstandards\u201d on how I should act based on stereotypes. I was stressed out and left after two years. Same therapist shamed me for thinking i had autism as well and made lots of insults towards autistic people as i questioned the condition for myself. A DID specialist therapist was good for quite a while, but I\u2019m transgender and she eventually became super transphobic. Other therapists I had were just general depression/anxiety therapists... talking eventually starts to do nothing. I tried EDMR briefly but I don\u2019t think it worked/I couldn\u2019t continue w that therapist anyways. \n\nCBT for trauma didn\u2019t work for me. Talk therapy only does so much and I\u2019ve told my story so many times over, I\u2019m desensitized to it anyways (many therapists I approach expect me telling my trauma to be *hard* and trigger me but I\u2019ve stopped giving a shit due to how many people I have seen). \n\nDoes anyone have tips or advice on what sort of therapy could work for this combo of things?\nOr find a therapist or type of therapist that would work best in the categories I need help in?", "answer": "You may want to consider seeing *two* therapists. Ideally they would be in the same practice for ease of coordination but not a requirement. I would recommend EMDR for your trauma history and someone who specializes in ASD to assist you in teasing out the differences between a panic attack and a meltdown, for example, to help with any executive functioning issues you may have, and to help you with self-soothing and trigger identification. If each therapist has very different treatment goals your insurance should cover this. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "by1mft", "comment_id": "eqkz9jj"}, {"question": "ECT Information Request", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI have a family member in a mental hospital who only trusts me in the family to discuss his treatment. His doctor recommended ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) but the pamphlets and information don't state clearly what the risk of him having permanent memory loss or other brain damage are. He asked me if I could bring him some clinical studies or any other information (from a respected source). (He's a very intelligent social worker so it doesn't matter how dense the material is as long as it's from a reputable source.)\n\nDo any of you have any studies, books, articles, or additional information you could please send me? I will be doing the research as well but since it might affect the rest of his life I figured the more information I can get, the better.\n\nI am visiting him tomorrow evening to drop off anything I can find.\n\nTL;DR: Please send me any information you have on the adverse, permanent effects of ECT.\n\nP.S. He is bipolar and they want to use it to treat his depression.\n\nThank you all.", "answer": "Hello!\n\nOne of the best places to look up this information will be through the Food and Drug Administration (they are in the US). They've put out their final overarching review and their stance on the use of ECT devices and the effectiveness/drawbacks of ECT at the end of 2018. You will find in the document 75 studies that they draw from when making their decision. Since they are the US' regulatory body on medical devices and medications, it's pretty thorough. You will find section \"II-C\" to be of particular importance, in addition to \"III-B\" and \"III-C\".\n\n [https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/12/26/2018-27809/neurological-devices-reclassification-of-electroconvulsive-therapy-devices-effective-date-of](https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2018/12/26/2018-27809/neurological-devices-reclassification-of-electroconvulsive-therapy-devices-effective-date-of)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d79ky1", "comment_id": "f0ydvop"}, {"question": "How to find a mental health facility?", "description": "I really feel like the best thing for me right now would be to be put in a hospital or some kind of facility. I have no idea how to go about finding one, are there any websites or something i could look on? Do they cost a lot of money? Also some basic information on it would be very helpful.\n\nI live in Australia, if that helps anything.", "answer": "I can only answer very generally here as I practice in the US and am not very familiar with Australia's healthcare system.  \n\nWhat I'm going to say is how things work in the US that I imagine are fairly similar.  Inpatient Hospitalization is usually covered by your health insurance.  On your health insurance card or paperwork there should be a website or number where you can get info regarding hospitals or providers in your area.  \n\nWithout insurance, hospital stays can be very expensive (thousands of dollars a day) (though generally everything medical in the US is ridiculously expensive).    \n\nIf you feel like you're at the end of your rope, feel you need hospitalization and can't figure out what to do, call whatever your country's emergency number is and discuss the issue with them.  They should be able to help you out.  \n\nIf not, but you're experiencing some mental health issues, consider seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist which your general practitioner should be able to refer you to if you don't know of any.  At that point, they should be able to get you connected to a hospital fairly easily if that's what you need.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xxzce", "comment_id": "duc5q37"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure I have the worst possible case of internet addiction imaginable: I take and abuse my adderall prescription to help me stay up for 36 hours at a time just so i can have more time to browse reddit and stay online and on my computer", "description": "I am male and 26. I have tried pretty much every pharmaceutical option i have for depression and anxiety and adhd and i have seen no progress. If anything my life is getting worse. The only thing that kept me going for the past 6-7 years was the thought that there might be a medication combination that fixes my problems and allows me to focus while keeping my head free of distractions and abnormal, irrational thoughts and all my bullshit with how my brain works and doesn't work. Well, this school semester marks the occasion of me having officially tried every kind of medication i can take pretty much and it has caused my faith in my ability to improve myself to collapse and my major depression has come back in full force. Ever since 2006 or 07 when i must have been 12 or 13 i have been addicted to the internet and video games and any form of digital distraction so i can escape my thoughts.\n\nSo to mark this tragic milestone, I decided to start abusing my adderall prescription again, this time to stay up for abnormal amounts of time just so i have more time to do nothing but browse reddit and watch porn. I did something like this to stay awake from Thursday morning (12/ 12/2019) to Friday night (12/13/2019) i think. I don't really remember which day i started, it was either thursday & friday or friday & saturday,  actually the latter probably because i now remember being able to watch English Premier League soccer games that start at 4:30 am in my time zone.  . But i just did it/am doing it again for a second time. i woke up yesterday morning (12/15/19) and i'm still awake today and it is about 4:45pm. I honestly don't know how many adderall pills i took total in this timeframe but it was around 5 or 6, maybe 7 total. \n\nIm starting to accept that things will always be horrible for me and i will always be unhappy and unfulfilled and unsatisfied and lonely. I feel like i'm in a bad dream because all forms of mental health intervention and treatment and therapy haven't done jack shit to improve my life or my living situation. I can't work because I have sucked at every job I have had (two referee gigs, a student it assistant, and pizza restaurant team member) and I quit my last one in 2015 because i developed a problem of not giving a shit due to a new medication i was trying (and i wasn't being scheduled hours anyways because i was slow and still made basic mistakes all the time after 6 months). \n\nSo any and all emotional support would be nice. I just thought sharing this should be archived in r/nosurf for everybody to see  how bad internet addiction can truly get and what happens when you have stopped caring about your well being and just want to constantly dull the pain by digging the whole deeper and deeper with grossly unhealthy internet use and adderall abuse. \n\nI have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to go to that i managed to pick up which was an time slot that somebody else cancelled. I don't know what's the point because i've tried everything so there's nothing left i can ask for, some medications i've tried many different times, and nothing truly helps. I just thought that something would and i guess i was wrong.", "answer": "Medications can help, but what you have going on are severe behavioral issues. I imagine you'd be better off seeing a psychologist who can help you get your behavior under control. All of the issues you described can be helped by cognitive behavioral therapy. If you have any questions, let me know.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "ebo3zc", "comment_id": "fb89ekz"}, {"question": "Angry 9 yr old cutting eyebrows and eyelashes in secret.", "description": "My 9 year old got mad his sister took his toy. He grabbed his scissors and chopped his eyebrows in chunks. He lied that he did it and said they're just like that, I did get him to later admit it. I had a talk with him that there are different ways to handle anger but also that if he wanted to change the way they look, he could have come to me. A few days later he cut his eyelashes down on both eyes. I am having a hard time on how to handle this. Hes so beautiful, I am so sad to see him do this to himself. I would love any advice on this. Hes not an angry boy, very loving but he gets mad at his 4 year old sister a lot.", "answer": "If you came to my office with this story,  I'd ask a lot about him and your family to determine if a diagnostic process would be advisable. I would need to understand the why and how of this behavior before I could give concrete advice. \n\nIt's up to you whether you want this kind of conversation, if so, try finding a therapist/psychiatrist specialising in children.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cj7e13", "comment_id": "evbllbg"}, {"question": "I like to think that I have excellent social skills once I get a conversation going. However, I don't know how to start conversation. How do you start a conversation with a random stranger?", "description": "Reddit,\n\nI think that my social skills are excellent. Whenever I am talking with someone, I can keep the conversation going and I am a bit of a talker. However, I have trouble being the one to start the conversation. If it's a group project or work, there's an obvious reason to have a conversation and I can do it perfectly fine.\n\nBut, if there is no logical necessity for conversation, I have trouble starting it. I think this stems from over thinking everything. If I'm in the same place as someone else by chance, I feel like they have something they are doing. They wouldn't randomly just be there by themselves. Because of this, I have trouble interrupting and starting conversation. Even if I did start a conversation, I have no idea what I would say to start it because there is no reason for speaking other than just to meet new people. \n\nI love meeting new people, but I think it's weird to start a conversation with the cliche \"How about that weather?\" or \"Do you come here often?\" or would \"Hi. I'm i_dont_translate. What's your name?\" work? I honestly have no idea how to start conversation. \n\nThis especially sucks with the lady folk. I'm a generally nice guy, not ugly, and have potential with women, but I don't know how to start talking to one. Isn't it obvious that I'm only talking to them because I'm hoping to get their number and get something out of it? \n\n**tl;dr** How do I start a conversation with random strangers, particularly the lady-folk? \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. Thank you!\n\n", "answer": "Reference the context. If you're standing in line to go into a concert, asking someone if they like Italian food is weird. Asking someone if they've seen the band before, or (even better) saying \"I'm super excited--it's my first time seeing this band. Have you seen them before?\" is much more natural. If you want to chat with a barista at a coffee shop, ask them how long they've been working there, or if the shop is always this busy.\n\nBasically, just figure out something from the context to strike up a conversation about. It's often more natural if you briefly share something of your own before asking them a question, but the most important thing is to base the conversation about what's going on around you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "vvcx7", "comment_id": "c583ed3"}, {"question": "109 days sober, so why do I wake up every morning feeling almost hungover? Anyone else have weird head/body morning issues?", "description": "It\u2019s an all over feeling I\u2019ve never had before and I can\u2019t describe very well, I\u2019ve only experienced it in sobriety. My head and body just feel totally off and bad for 1-3 hours every morning. It doesn\u2019t matter what time I wake up, 7 am or 1 pm I still feel like my bones are slightly sore and I have a full head headache. \n\nIs this normal? Anyone else experience something like this?", "answer": "I felt like this for a while. Realized my diet was shit. Once I started eating healthier and getting the nutrients I needed, I felt 100 times better. Too much sugar, caffeine, etc will do it to you. My mood is improved significantly too.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cs54yx", "comment_id": "exdc6oa"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent to AA-meetings for suicidal people?", "description": "I know about the suicide hotline.   But is there something equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous for people dealing with suicidal thoughts (in the US)?  Thanks and be well.", "answer": "There are sometimes support groups in your local area for umbrella subjects, like \"depression\" or \"anxiety\" or even just \"life skills.\" That may be something more along the lines of what you are looking for.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dd36b3", "comment_id": "f2eri91"}, {"question": "I am leaving this world soon.....", "description": "Hello, fellow Reddit Users.\n\nI'm sorry to inform you that within a few days, I will be taking my own life. I will leave behind a journal that chronicles the story of my life, my thoughts, my mentality and why I'm deciding to end my life very soon.\n\nUpdate: Since my journal will take a very long time to type out, I am postponing the deadline for it to be posted for an additional 78 hours.", "answer": "1 (800) 273-8255\n\nPlease call this number. It is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and someone there wants to help you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Someone may be able to help lift some of that pain off your shoulders. Reach out to someone, please. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3iz0mb", "comment_id": "cukyzhb"}, {"question": "help", "description": "It's not so easy.\n\nI did stuff - help in the NHS. I managed 54 days, at the start of the year, and 30 days this past month.\n\nBut it's hard. I drank a lot last night. I have the sweats, the fears, the shakes, the nervousness, the sense of doom, the disappointment at giving up my streak.\n\nI'm thinking of attending an AA session in the next few days. I am a mathematician - there's no higher power for me. I hope it will still work.\n\nI'm alone, and I'm scared. And let me tell you, hangovers are not so easy in the UK right now with this stupid heat! :-)\n\nDavid\n\n\\-edit- Thank you for all the messages of support, they are appreciated. I found a meeting nearby, and plan to attend soon.", "answer": "I agree....we all have our own vision of our best life. It can be anything. What do you want..health, relationships...? Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91ifjz", "comment_id": "e2yhtn9"}, {"question": "Does she like me or not?!?!?", "description": "So I [M17] met this girl [F16] one day when in geography wed a free class and she decided shed sit beside me and chat for a bit. And a few days later added me on sc. We snapped back and fourth for the last 8-10 weeks and we'll sorta take turns starting the conversations. And at the start I just figured she liked me,and I began to like her too. But then in the last 2 weeks. She apparently told a few people that she likes this other guy. Which is ok if she did. But what I don't get is,why are we still snapping hard? And why does she still look at me all awkwardly in school? And why when sometimes when we're outside our class,will neither of us talk to one another all awkwardly. But then when I get home. She has no bother snapping me? And it's obvious that she is looking at me aswell. A number of my friends even see her do it? \n\nPlease someone tell me what she is doing?!?!?", "answer": "She's snapping with you all the time and then getting shy in person. She may like you AND some other dudes. She may give accurate, complete, up to date info to some of her friends or not, and the quality of the info that gets back to you may vary. \n\nI am not detecting a master plan. \n\nJust ask her out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69kt50", "comment_id": "dh7c6ij"}, {"question": "Question about codeine use for a prolonged time", "description": "Hello so, basically, i have sciatica, i got a cortisone injection but it only lasted a few weeks, im back to my regular pain (which hurts) and... ive been thinking of my pain meds, those being Paracetamol + codeine (Paracetamol in 500mg and codeine in 15mg per tablet)... \n\nI guess, i should ask... is it okay if i take codeine/paracetamol for 6 days (i take 6 a day, sometimes 8, i follow instructions) then take a break for a week? i am unsure if taking my pain meds is taking a toll on my body, i dont feel any different... im not constantly on them, its more, on and off, mostly on when the pain gets bad, then once i finish a pack, im fine for a while...", "answer": "8 tabs is the max you should take over 24 hours. Anything over 4g of paracetamol is dangerous.\n\nAnd no you won't get addicted if you use for a specific number of days.\n\nAlso your GP will be monitoring your prescription.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4zdcqq", "comment_id": "d6uzvxv"}, {"question": "My ex bf is using depression as a reason to be abusive", "description": "My ex bf was someone who volunteered and donated to my charity which was how we met. We dated for a year and as we weren\u2019t compatible, we broke up. \n\nWhat followed was months of dramatic and traumatizing experience which is confusing and hurtful to say the least. He started by sending me personal attacks and blame on WhatsApp (\u201cyou\u2019re not open minded enough that\u2019s why we broke up\u201d to \u201cyou\u2019re a shitty leader at work\u201d) and when I didn\u2019t reply, he pulled in everyone in the charity in a group chat (my whole team of donors, volunteers and staff) to tell them they are corrupt with no moral standards and hence he\u2019s resigning (a nasty move to compromise me at work). He then was all nice and said sorry to me, asked me to understand he only said those things because he was depressed and lashing out cuz of the pain. That he has depression and is suicidal. I got so worried that I suppressed all my feelings and got him to see a psychologist and went with him together (he refused to go alone). He was diagnosed with clinical depression and taking meds. \n\nWhen I wanted to move on and stop talking to him (the personal attacks and blame messages never stopped), he\u2019d talk to my friends and tried to turn them against me with gossip. He also said he won\u2019t donate the rest of the amount he pledged because he doesn\u2019t have money (totally untrue and only because we\u2019re no longer dating). When I told him I needed my space and will stop talking to him, he threatened to not handover work (things he took care of as a volunteer). So I was forced to speak to him again and then gradually stopped replying. He then donated the rest of the pledged amount to the charity (as a way to get me to speak to him), and when I don\u2019t respond to his personal demands, he threatens to demand a refund of the donation (who does that?!). \n\nLast night he sent me suicidal messages again saying he took lots of sedative, so I messaged his mom as we were both worried, and she asked me to call the police. A crew of firemen, policemen and ambulance health professionals showed him at his place at 2am and turns out he\u2019s fine. \n\nHe now yells at me for calling the cops on him and requests a refund of the donation. \n\nI\u2019m amazed by the ways he tries to manipulate me, from personal and professional attacks, suicidal messages, donate and refund requests.. He doesn\u2019t want to get back together but he wants me to stay in his life which I don\u2019t understand why, other than feeling like I\u2019m in his control somehow? What should I do with this guy? \n\nTL;DR: Ex bf tried to manipulate me with suicidal messages, personal and professional attacks for no reason other than making me emotional and under control. ", "answer": "Oftentimes abusers will honeymoon you with positive behaviors as a mechanism of control. They will use those positive behaviors against you as a way to make you feel guilty or shitty. \n\nYou\u2019re absolutely right that he\u2019s using his depression as a way to emotionally abuse you. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ve had abusers in my group tell me a story just like this. Threatening suicide is a really common abusive tactic that abusers use against the victim. It\u2019s important to remember that you reacting to his suicide is perfectly normal, and his reaction to it is totally unjustified. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a6tl8w", "comment_id": "ebxu677"}, {"question": "Brain zaps?", "description": "19F, 87lbs, 5'6, Caucasian, ADHD (Vyvanse)\n\n**Yet another EDIT: I fainted today on my way to the store and was brought into the hospital. They did a bunch of tests, and realized I was having from 6-10 \"silent\" seizures a day. I probably had them when I was younger too and they just went away, and came back due to my lack of sleep in the past couple of weeks and anxiety. I honestly didn't even know that was a thing until yesterday, so thank you all. They also did a GI and said that I might have gastroparesis, which would explain pretty much all my symptoms when it comes to weight-loss, and I have an appointment for a gastric emptying study in 2 weeks from now. Thank you all!**\n\n**EDIT: I've called them brain zaps my whole life, but I didn't know that was an actual medical term for something completely different. Its not the withdrawal kinda zaps, it's like a loss of consciousness that I get, but still stay standing up.**\n\n**EDIT 2: No, I don't have an eating disorder. Doctors have no idea why I lost my appetite and can't keep food down**\n\nSo I really don't know how to explain this without sounding absolutely insane.\n\nI made a post about a week ago about my unexplainable weight loss, and you guys have been really helpful, so I'm trying my luck again.\n\nSince about a week ago, I started getting what I call \"brain zaps\". I used to have them as a child and I was told it was due to my ADHD, but i think they went away when I was about 12-13 and just started coming back again.\n\nI'll try to describe it as best as I can. \n\nSo for example, yesterday, I was walking in a park with my boyfriend, and suddenly, he was 50 feet away from me. In a split-second. Or two days ago for example, I was grabbing a bagel from the toaster and it was fine for a second but then started burning my hand as if I had been holding it for like 30 seconds (I hadn't). Or I miss parts of a conversation (my friend will be talking about something and then its as if she skipped, like a record or something). From what I know, they happen maybe 2-3 times a day and up to like 8-10 times when I'm really stressed out.\n\nCould this be that my ADHD medication is starting to not be adjusted correctly? They do come around more often when I'm anxious, and I know that my ADHD medication does help with anxiety. I'm just scared with how easily I've been distracted in the past week.\n\nThank you all", "answer": "I'm a physician. You're 5'6\" and weigh only 86 lbs??? You're emaciated. Plus you may be having seizures and/or cardiovascular problems. Please see your physician right away.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gib93c", "comment_id": "fqg0rpb"}, {"question": "I gained 70 pounds while on antidepressants.", "description": "I'm almost 19, Male and I suffer numerous mood issues such as anger, depression and anxiety. I also suffer dysphoria which I task testosterone for and have been on the drug for three months now. Back in September of 2017 I decided to take handle of my mental health. In the past therapy didnt help so I knew that wasn't an option. In the beginning of Sept I was 190 pounds. I then started a cocktail of different drugs in hope one would work. I ended up on prozac until May of 2018. In that time I gained 70 pounds. I knew weight gain was a side effect but no one ever told me id gain this much weight in such little time. I told my at the time psychiatrist my problem and he told me there was nothing I or he could do about it. However, because I was also suffering suicidal thoughts on prozac he switched me to Effexor/Venlafaxine in may of 2018. I've been tracking my food intake for the past 6 months and I try to go to the gym daily. I have the overall calorie intake of around 1,800.  I've talked to numerous doctors about my weight gain and none can give me any advice or help. A month ago one doctor decided to take me off effexor completely. I've yet to see any change in my weight. My mood and depression particularly has been off the charts since I stopped my medication. Every doctor I've seen recently wants to point fingers at my testosterone yet I've only been on it three months. My options shouldn't be to either be happy and fat or miserable and mentally unstable. I know this has been a long story time however. The reason I bring this to reddit is in hope someone can point me in the right direction and give me some quality advice. So doctor's of reddit what should I do? Is there a specialist I should be seeing? Am I just screwed?", "answer": "Prozac is associated with a small weight gain, not a third of your body weight. Effexor isn't associated with weight gain. Unless there is other medication in the mix that you haven't mentioned, neither of these make sense to me. Additionally, a lot of people gain weight with no medication, although that much, that quickly is rare.\n\n1800 calories per day is usually not enough to maintain a weight of 260 lbs. As usual, a primary care doctor would be a good first person to discuss with, and a referral to a dietician might be helpful both for accurate assessment of nutritional intake and making a plan for weight loss.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajcdla", "comment_id": "eeujxts"}, {"question": "I [28/m] feel that my happiness isn't important to her. My wife [31/f] says I'm too critical and analytical", "description": "UPDATE:\nAfter reviewing all the comments on here, I decided to write up a note. I focused it on my feelings and how I feel in great detail. At first she got very defensive and said that my note was unfair and contrary to what I had previously mentioned. When everything was said and done, she apologized. She apologized for the ignoring of my issues over time, and how she's caused me to feel how she feels. She mentioned that she's starting to see her issues, as we're both doing individual therapy at the moment and asked me to give her some time and be patient because she really wants to change and make things work. She mentioned that she wants to write up a reply note after she's really reflected. Not sure exactly what to think or how to handle it. thoughts?\n\nI'll do my best to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for 1 and a half years. I've had this on-going issue with her, that everything always has to be her way (eating out, daily/weekly activities, etc. I've mentioned how I feel many times in the past, and she's always deflected/denied any wrong doing. Our fights have escalated in the past year, me getting more angry easier, voice raising louder and louder. We live on the east coast, and she's originally from the west coast. A lot of the time, I feel like she doesn't really think about me, my happiness and my feelings. If she does anything, I feel that it's because she feels bad, or guilty - it's never really about doing something because I want to do it. She recently went to be with her family for 2 weeks, without me. She said that she needed time to reflect and some distance between us, so that she can think about her faults in our marriage. Prior to the very last time, this had been brought up 2 times previously, and both times she tried to shove it down my throat. That she was going to the west coast for a little bit of time, and my thoughts on the matter didn't matter. At one point she told me that going wasn't more important than being in this relationship, and making me happy. 2 or 3 days later we got into an argument, and she booked a flight to go back, and she left 2 days after that. \n\nMy biggest issues with her are always that I don't feel like my happiness is important to her. I'll try to plan something, an event, or weekend trip. She never shows any interest, she listens but never takes it seriously. We were suppose to go out of town for the day, the same day she left for 2 weeks, and she was well aware of the plans we had made. There has been a pattern of me doing things for her, and a lot of the time those things being detrimental to my plans, or to my happiness and I've done them for her, but I don't feel that she has done/or is willing to do those same types of things for me.\n\n She's always said, that she wants this relationship to be \"fair\" but I think it's been everything but that. She's been away for almost a week now, and we've spoken a few times on the phone. Most of those times, I feel that the conversation is forced. She says she misses me and wants to speak on the phone, but doesn't make it very warm and relaxed. It's her just waking up which is in the middle of my day (due to time differences) wanting to talk to me because she misses my voice, or wants to know what I'm doing. If I don't pick up her calls, then I'm ignoring her. However, if I send her a text, she will reply and say that she's busy and I have the worst timing. \n\nThe issues she's mentioned in our relationship is from me standing up for myself, and pointing out when something isn't ok with me. She claims that I'm critical, and too analytical. I've told her many times that \"I don't feel like I matter to you. I feel that others are higher priority than me to you. I feel ignored and neglected\". \n\nThese few days while she's been away, I don't get the feeling that she thinks about me too much, or even really cares about my happiness. Previous experience has shown me that she doesn't support me, let alone have much regard of my contentment in our relationship. Do I need to chill out? Am I working myself up for no good reason? Or is there legitimacy in my feelings?", "answer": "you need marriage counseling. there's a lot to work out here.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rbyzr", "comment_id": "dl3vd6m"}, {"question": "I took 400 mg ibuprofen 12 hours ago, can I drink alcohol now?", "description": "23 years old caucasian female. I'm 52 kg and 1.69 m. I took Nurofen 400 in the morning 12 hours ago for period cramps, is it safe to have alcohol now?", "answer": "Unlike Tylenol, ibuprofen has no direct interaction with alcohol. It isn\u2019t metabolized by your liver.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0v3cw", "comment_id": "eaksv4m"}, {"question": "Daily Check-in Thread - July 27, 2019", "description": "Welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. Feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). You may also visit our reddit Chat Room with 800+ people.\nwww.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "Today was my first day only dosing once, and it was a tiny dose (less than 0.5g). I went to bed at 11:30pm after a long day walking under the hot sun but still am having trouble sleeping (although this may be due to the cold brew I had at 5:30pm lol). I want to take some kratom, but instead, I'm making some nighttime tea I have leftover from when I was sick and eating a light snack. I'm leaving for vacation in four days and am scared of feeling awful the entire trip so may stick to one small dose a day until I get back and then really dig my heels in. I know it's an excuse to keep taking, but I really don't want to be hardcore withdrawing on my vacation lol.", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "ciegmm", "comment_id": "ev8udxf"}, {"question": "Are Vitamin IV drips useful?", "description": " \n\n* Age  52\n* Sex  F\n* Height  5'8\"\n* Weight 180 (goal weight 150)\n* Race W \n* Duration of complaint: several weeks\n* Location (Geographic and on body):  whole body\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any)\"cholesteral meds and reflux \n* Include a photo if relevant (skin condition for example)\n\nJust had in depth comprehensive whole body medical tests and other than needing to lose some weight everything is functioning in excellent levels and no real issues that aren't age related. (Some arthritis in knee from surgery)  \n\n\nI give myself Vit B12 shots.  I cannot take NSAIDs.  I am likely dehydrated at lot of the time.    \n\n\nDo the IVs offer by various lounges do anything other than have a placebo effect?  \n\nI've tried it twice and the first time I felt much better.  The 2nd time I wasn't sure if I noticed any difference.  \n\nI'm just worn down.  Wake up feeling dehydrated.  \n\nI am dieting (no sugar, no processed carbs, no potato or pasta, portion control)  Logging food but only lost 6 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks.\n\nI am exercising (walking 5-6 miles 5-6 times a week and a bit of yoga and pilates) \n\nSo -- would it be worthwhile to get a vitamin/electrolyte/magnesium IV once a week or so? \n\n​", "answer": "Largely placebo effects. Unless you\u2019re profoundly deficient or have pernicious anemia and your gut can\u2019t absorb B12, pills are as good as injections. The same is true for most vitamins\u2014we obviously need to be able to get them by mouth or prior to IVs all humans would have been deficient and died. In fact, unless you have a definite deficiency it\u2019s not a good idea to supplement vitamins. I don\u2019t think good data exist for IV forms, but vitamin pills seem to slightly increase all-cause mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "am8e0k", "comment_id": "efkazr0"}, {"question": "I'm [39/f] and want to Divorce [40/m] husband for taking advantage of me", "description": " I am posting my current situation in this sub now because I see that there is much more activity here than in the r/marriage sub and I'd love as much feedback as possible to my current situation.  If I'm wrong in doing so, Mods please delete, redirect, or whatever and I am perfectly fine with that as I am a brand new redditer (who read the FAQ, but may have missed something).\n\nI'm married and posted in r/marriage a few days ago about having been what I (and some others) considered to be, raped while I was unconscious by my husband over the course of many months. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/6fhqxh/husband_has_sex_with_me_when_im_passed_out/\n\nBecause of these incidences, and after thinking on it as I have, I am now 98% sure I want to divorce but there are some sticking points that are making it very difficult for me to really pull the trigger and move out.  I have a 13 year old step-son and my moving out would mean we would have to sell the house (husband can't afford it on his own) which would mean everyone moves and the teenager's life is disrupted.  I hate that thought.  Also we are good business partners in the sense that we have a rental property that we own and manage together and through which we derive a good amount of rental income that neither of us would want to lose.  I never could have imagined being in this predicament where comfort and lifestyle (which we have worked so hard for) are battling with this horrible feeling that I can't be with this man anymore.  After what has happened I can't see there ever being a romantic relationship so staying seems like such a waste.  Again, redirect or anything if I am posting inappropriately. \n\nEdit: I realize I should also add that, as I mentioned in the other post, he is a good husband in all other respects, even before this happened, I had been struggling with having attraction, passion, or romantic feelings for him.  I couldn't pinpoint why they were lost. So realizing what he has been doing while I was passed out I believe has only been the nail in the coffin.", "answer": "Godspeed. If you can't do it (this marriage), don't. \n\nEverything you're worried about is secondary to the alienation of affection and safety you've experienced. Protect yourself so you can look yourself in the mirror. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fz2om", "comment_id": "dim69w6"}, {"question": "Complete loss of control and the system is not helping me..", "description": "I\u2019ve really lost my head. Mental health have got involved and played on the idea of a personality disorder of sorts but have gone no further than that. It\u2019s getting bad now, I\u2019ve become unknowingly reckless which is a hard statement to comprehend. I live with my girlfriend but she\u2019s struggling to cope and I keep having episodes and during these I have complete time gaps the only reason I know is because she tells me, records them to remind me that I keep getting points where I\u2019m not longer me and I don\u2019t know who me is anymore. I hear voices that don\u2019t fit, this man keeps trying to take me away and I don\u2019t know where I tell him to leave me alone but he persists. My therapist no longer knows what to do as I am getting worse and worse I only get small moments of time now where I can reflect. I feel that I am becoming a danger to others and myself but mental health have got an appointment 2 months away for me and I fear that I may not be here in two months and I\u2019m not sure whether that will be suicide or whether I\u2019ll just become so lost that Jamie won\u2019t exist anymore this thing inside me will just take over. I\u2019m unsure if I should section myself but I\u2019m scared. ", "answer": "If you're afraid that you may be a danger to yourself or others, go to a hospital for an evaluation.  It's always MUCH MUCH MUCH better if you go on your own instead of getting to the point where the police or a medical professional involuntarily hospitalizes you.  If you go on your own, you have a lot more control over the situation and it has far less long-term consequences.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91uaja", "comment_id": "e30vd8y"}, {"question": "Should I be worried about the radiation from CT Scan?", "description": "Hi! I'm 22/Female, 5'2 and 58kg, Filipino. I'm experiencing headaches for the past 3 weeks already (although I no longer experience severe headaches as before) and my ENT doctor told me that he felt 2 swollen lymph nodes on my neck. I was, of course, anxious when it was confirmed. In fact, our family has a history of cancer and my mom was diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal cancer so we are extra wary when we experience discomfort and abnormalities in our body. Hence, he referred me for CT scan so he can check and to rule out my complaints. But every time I hear the word radiation, it negatively affects me. Should I be worried if I'll be exposed with radiation from CT scan? I heard it is one of the causes of cancer. As much as I want to avoid getting it by having a professional check, it might also the reason to have it. \n\n​\n\nYour advice and enlightenment will surely help me.", "answer": "CT is a safe diagnostic instrument. Unless you are getting a huge amount of them in a short period of time, don't worry. That said, it's not a toy, and should only be used if there is a medical reason to.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbxq3h", "comment_id": "ekm9db9"}, {"question": "I think I get PTSD like symptoms over less serious events - brain miswired placing memories?", "description": "It's been suggested to me by at least one therapist that I have a form of PTSD. I started taking Propranolol and the intrusive thoughts got better. But let me explain what happens to me if it sounds at all familiar to anyone.\n\nSomething negative happens to me, and then for a long time following the event, when I'm doing or thinking of things that are tangentially related, I'll have intrusive flashbacks relating to the event. At one time before I started the propranolol I kept track of these and was having on average 10 intrusive flashes per hour over various negative events that had happened recently (friends cutting me out of their life).\n\nSome of these though are weird deep set memories from long ago, like when I was embarrassed in 3rd grade or something. Those are odd, and I don't know why they come up at all.\n\nOther times, I'll see something, and there will not even be a tangential connection between the object and the negative event, but I'll feel triggered anyway. Maybe it's related on some deeper level. Like I saw an airplane flying by, or opened my bathroom cabinet, and bam! Intrusive negative flash.\n\nI'm getting over a breakup now and I'm taking extra propranolol to try to help, but the thoughts are so intrusive, and just honestly seems like my brain is miswired, especially when it's getting triggered over odd things (airplanes, etc.). I don't know if having these intrusive thoughts is normal when you have a breakup or not. I guess to some extent, but it's so invasive.\n\nDoes any of this sound familiar to those of you with PTSD?\n\nI don't mean to be offensive to those of you who have experienced more serious PTSD events, just trying to understand what is going on with me, if it's at all normal, and if it's related to what people with full blow PTSD go through.", "answer": "Can you go into more detail about your intrusive flashbacks?  Do you have a full on anxiety attack, or is it just the thought pops into your head or anywhere in between?\n\n", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2b76m3", "comment_id": "cj2la1d"}, {"question": "Is this something a therapist would do?", "description": "Long story but I had a meeting with a psycologist and my boss over a situation and both of them made a comment about me being upset over something that had happened weeks before. Is that professional?", "answer": "Like most others, I'd really need a lot more information.  Is this an organizational psychologist that works for your company to help facilitate meetings, mediate employee issues, and work with HR?  Then yes, this is normal.  \n\n\nIf this is YOUR personal psychologist who doesn't work for your company, I have no idea why this would be happening.  ", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "amva73", "comment_id": "egdyf05"}, {"question": "is this a GOOD way to tell my crush???", "description": "so this is my plan (CORRECT me if im wrong)\n\n1. Tell her that i like her \n\n2. BUT should i also say we could hangout one day RIGHT AFTER the confession sentence???\n\nI wont give her time to say yes OR no... i will say really fast: and we could also go to the movies or whatever you like :)\n\nTHEN i can wait for her answer???", "answer": "Do you spend time with her and talk to her regularly?  If not, completely ignore step 1.  \n\nStart talking to her casually.  Skip to step 2 and invite her to do things with you.  If she accepts, you know there's a decent chance she may like you.  If she doesn't, she'll just decline.  Time to grieve the loss and move on.  \n\n\nIf you've never really talked to someone and confess that you've been pining over them and thinking about them when you've barely talked to them can very often make them creeped out even if there was a good chance they would have liked you once getting to know you.  \n\n\nWhat you outlined is the way that so many kids/teens try to make dating work (I did it too in my youth before learning how backwards it is).  Reverse the order of things.  That's how dating works because in reality, if you haven't hung out with them much already, you only like the image of who you think they are that you've created in your mind.  You might not even like them once you get to know them.  \n\n\nIf they accept and you go on some dates and get the vibe you're clicking, then go with step one.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep410v", "comment_id": "feh228s"}, {"question": "I'm starting to relapse after going through a traumatic experience. Any advice?", "description": "Long story short, a man I thought was maintenance almost choked me to death in my bathroom at the age of 20. For some reason he stopped, I survived, and he is in jail now.  I handled it really well for a while but I think that was just because I was in denial about my mental state.  But not I find my self drinking more and more and I need some advise on how to cope without alcohol and how to resist the urge to have another drink. ", "answer": "It sounds like you might be suffering from post-traumatic stress, a very real and potentially very serious mental health condition. I would suggest seeking counseling or other mental health services. Depending on your area and situation, you may be able to find services through school, a local crisis line, a local domestic violence shelter (many of them do offer services for women recovering from trauma of all kinds, not just DV. Or, they can help refer you to other providers). You may also be able to access resources as a crime victim - some justice systems have victim's advocates, for example. And of course many communities have counselors in private practice, that you can find in the phone book.\n\nSince you're posting in r/alcoholicsanonymous, I'm assuming you are open to trying the AA program. If you search for alcoholics anonymous and the name of your city/town, you should be able to find a list of meetings fairly easily. Larger towns might also have an Intergroup office; if you need help getting a ride to a meeting, or just have questions, you can call them. You might want to consider starting at a women's only meeting (I'm just guessing you're female) as that might feel a little safer than a mixed-gender meeting. I have met many AA members who have traumatic experiences as part of their personal stories - you would absolutely not be alone in that. However, I have personally found that while AA allowed me to get sober, I needed to get professional help in dealing with some of my underlying issues that contributed to my drinking and using. There is no shame in that.\n\nIf you want to talk one-on-one, feel free to PM me. Take care, and please be gentle with yourself.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "2jydyr", "comment_id": "clgda3w"}, {"question": "31/F/US I like stuff. You like stuff. Let\u2019s be friends.", "description": "A bit about me: \n\n\nLove to be outdoors (camping, fishing, hiking) I prefer boots over heels any day, video games please, photography yes, foodie all day, Returned Peace Corps Volunteer 2010-2012 Lesotho. I would rather be home as a human burrito or in the mountains. Don\u2019t do the bar scene. I rarely drink but if I do I prefer whiskey. Wes Anderson, Studio Ghibli, Tarantino films are my favorites. Love horror, Star Wars, and Star Trek. \n\nPersonality traits: \n-independent \n-nurturer \n-no bullshit ", "answer": "Hey, 31 f here too. Where are you located? I\u2019m in Denver. I enjoy cooking, comedy, succulents, nature, art. Pm if you want to chat more!", "topic": "Needafriend", "post_id": "b8150i", "comment_id": "ejwq42k"}, {"question": "Why am I so uncomfortable when my parents tell me they love me?", "description": "Whenever my parents say \"I love you\" or say anything loving to me really, I feel the most intense discomfort I can imagine.  I internally recoil whenever it happens and become really anxious and uneasy.  I don't really know why.  I also never tell my family I love them back because it's very difficult and uncomfortable for me and I just despise doing it.  \nThe strange thing is that I don't have this problem with my boyfriend, only my family.  I feel like I wouldn't have a problem saying it to my friends either.  I don't really get why this is. Anyone else have similar experiences?", "answer": "Does it feel not genuine to you when they say it?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "445pq4", "comment_id": "cznvqwh"}, {"question": "Loving unconditionally", "description": "I was never the type to talk about love or whatever; especially with other people. \n\nI met Shaun* summer of 2016. He and his friend went to Tokyo for vacation. As with any other summer thing, ours seemed to be just what it was --- a fling. Throughout the months however, we still communicated via WhatsApp and would sometimes do voice and video calls. The chemistry was awesome and I was infatuated soon after. Being the type of person that I am, I eventually expressed what I felt and he said he likes me but only as a friend and nothing romantic. It initially crushed my infatuated heart and soon got over the 'feeling'. I went out on dates with other men while he and I still communicated every so often. \n\nEverything seemed to be okay. \n\nA part of me wanted to see him. I don't want him to think I am still that into him (because at this rate, I honestly still do not know if I were) so I looked to do something \"official\" in Europe. I found one and soon found myself traveling to Europe. \n\nI told him my plans. Also told him my free days in Berlin. I was thinking maybe he and I could hang out a night together in that new city. Thankfully, he said yes. But I was still hesitant and I remember I'd only believe it when he arrives. And he did. We spent four wonderful days together exploring Berlin and getting to know each other more as friends...\n\nAnd now, I'm at the crossroads. What do I actually want from this? Sex is still awesome. Chemistry was still on point, even more. I know he still isn't into me romantically but I am not thinking of that too. I just wanna express what I feel for him. My 'love' for him which is more than friends but less than the romantic love. I think it's that type of affection that even when I'm old, I'd still have --- for him. \n\nI am so confused. I just had to write this. Is it even possible to just love someone unconditionally and without expectations? Some are saying that having no expectations is impossible but that's what I feel. I really do not expect anything to come out of this. \n", "answer": "you can have feelings without expectations if you are 100% clear on this. 99% won't work!  feelings and expectations go hand in hand for most people.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zpt01", "comment_id": "df09wo0"}, {"question": "Unemployed wife's expensive pot habit", "description": "Not sure how to handle this situation any longer. \nBack story- met my wife, I smoked she did not, date for a while and she starts occasionally smoking. Time goes on she smokes more and more. Soon it's a habit, first thing in the am, before she'd do anything, or just sit around smoking all day.  Gets pregnant, we stop, child's born, and after a while we occasionally smoke socially. As time goes on and kid is in preschool, her habit jumps right to where it left off. \n\nExcept now she's unemployed.\n\nIts at the point where it's the first thing she does when she wakes up, and she'll smoke every hour or 2 throughout the day. It does not negatively effect her mothering ability, she's a wonderful mother. But it's a huge financial burden. (Im the only financial support for our family.) Yes I do smoke. Nothing like my wife. I don't mind that she smokes, well I mind the amount and frequency, or how it seems she can not/or just will not do anything with out smoking. \nIf we're going out some where, has to smoke right before we leave. will Smoke alone if I don't feel like part taking.  And as soon as we arrive home. Always worried about making sure she can get more before she runs out. Pot seems to become a necessity to her.  I pay for it all yet it's all hers, but contributes nothing finally. \nI want to adress the whole situation. I'm willing to stop to get her to stop....\nLing story short, my wife is a freeloading pothead, I love her, and I don't know how to get her to see that she has a... Problem, that's causing unnecessary financial stress. \n But since I smoke trying to talk to her about her habit, makes me a hypocrite to her. Any time I try and bring it up I get excuses, and justifications, and the you don't understand it helps my anexity and depression. And it's just pot. Just very defensive and  unwilling to listen.   All the typical things a person in the depth of addiction say. \nI understand it helps with anxiety and depression, that's why I part take. So I get it. \nMy issue is I don't know how to have the conversation with out it blowing up. I always give in when I say when it's gone it's gone, because I hate seeing her scrape pipes for res, like a crack head would, because I don't want to hear her complain about everything, and zombie into her phone. I give in because the times I haven't she's borrowed money from her father, or called my buddy for a spot. And I'm stuck paying it back. \nI don't want to leave her, I just want her to contribute to our family. For her to realize the unnecessary stress she add to our finances. Get her to stick to when what's purchased for the pay period is gone, it's gone. ", "answer": "There's no way to have the discussion without it blowing up. You're married to an addict. She's not gonna be happy if you try to limit her use. \n\nAlso, if you think it's not affecting her parenting, you are fooling yourself.   How could it not - she's using all the time. \n\nYou could consider, for yourself: counseling, naranon, or just read codependent no more. \n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g641h", "comment_id": "dinwmg3"}, {"question": "Scared to drive?", "description": "I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'll try my best. I'm 19 years old and it's been time for me to start driving. There's one problem though. I have to admit that I'm scared to get on the road. From my past experience, I have been into a car accident. Luckily, no one was hurt. Ever since that car accident I've been traumatize everytime I try to get behind the wheel. It sucks because people keeps bugging me about getting my driver's license.  What should I do to fix this?", "answer": "In addition to taking it slow like the other commenter said, try and see if you can find a buddy or your parents to sit in the car and help you as you're learning. It should be someone patient and calm who is willing to slowly go step by step with you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fd14d2", "comment_id": "fjehk51"}, {"question": "my mom just agreed suicide might be my best option at this point", "description": "she has struggled her entire life with depression, and my dad killed himself by ODing when I was 11. I kind of feel like this is my destiny. The past 2-3 years I have been slowly pairing down my belongings, so now I have about 2 loads of laundry worth of clothing, some books, toiletries, and almost nothing else. I feel it'll be easier for those who have to go through my things after I'm dead if there isn't a lot to sort through. I haven't really even attempted to create a future for myself. No degree, no job to work my way up in, no relationships--at all. I think it's because I knew I would die early, and now that I haven't..I'm just waiting around hoping to die in a car crash or some other quick and horrible accident so that my family doesn't have to live with the shame of me offing myself. I was going to write \"no healthy relationships\" and then remembered I haven't talked to anyone in a social environment in so long that I genuinely don't know when it was. I'm becoming incredibly abusive to the people around me, and I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to be around me either. I don't feel anything if my heart rate isn't increased, so I hurt others with the rush of knowing it's wrong, it's hurtful, and I'm just hurting myself in the long run. I feel like I deserve to be alone. I deserve a shitty life. I genuinely deserve to die. I'm a waste of money at this point - money and resources that could easily go to someone who not only needs them but WANTS them. why would I deny someone else the possibility of having a better life just because I selfishly want to exist? I'm already not living, I'm just existing. I guess I hate myself, but it seems more apathetic. I don't give a fuck about anything at all, and it's pretty clear nobody else does either. I think (not so anymore) secretly my mom would be relieved. I'm 24 and I have always lived with her, mooching off of her hard work because I don't give a fuck about life. Anyway, I don't know what my motives for posting on here are. I'm not sure I need words of encouragement, because those slide off us suicidal folks like water on a duck. Maybe I narcissistically want to tell my life story, that if it's out there on the internet people will read and feel sorry for me somewhere, and maybe that shred of hope that someone, somewhere, gives a fuck about my anonymous reddit account that I'll be able to heal, to become normal, to actually want to live. Maybe I want someone to stop me because I'm actually considering it, and it will definitely work. Usually I can read the /r/BPD or SuicideWatch or what have you and I feel better. I feel nothing.", "answer": "You're mom is a depressed person who's mental health is impacting her ability to make sound judgement. You as well. Every decision you have made has been made impaired, in the same way as if you had been under the influence of a drug. Your brain is under the influence of depression and it's not going to help you make good decisions. Every moment that you give something away, ignore another human being, lash out or even hide away by yourself, it's not you. It's not a good decision. It's a way for the depression to keep itself around. Whatever you feel like doing, do the opposite of. It's a very effective DBT technique- your feelings are often irrational but they make sense (definition of irrational here) so it seems right but they aren't. Want to hurt yourself? Go for a run. Want to lash out and push ppl away or be alone? Talk to someone, anyone except other depressed people. Not hungry? Eat. Until you can make better, healthy decisions you can't trust your own feelings. It's weird but you know it's true. \n\nSuicide is not the answer. It never is the answer. It's unknown whether you will likely end up worse off than before, as it doesn't \"fix\" anything. It's just another way to avoid the problems. And most things you avoid end up becoming worse\n\nYou have been in crisis mode. You aren't feeling anything because if you felt what depression does, what anxiety does, it would be too much. Your body and mind are coping with the mental health disease. You can do it too. Even if you don't know you can, you will surprise yourself. You will look back and remember this moment as the moment you overcame something so immensely difficult that surviving through it will help you self actualize. It's True that the heavier the pain the deeper the emotional groove that gets carved. But the deeper the groove, the more capacity we have for love, for joy, for acceptance. You may not have that now. But you will. This is part of your journey, it's hard and it's unfair and it's cruel. But you can make it through, and you aren't alone", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ym8f3", "comment_id": "cyewzve"}, {"question": "How do you entertain yourself without alcohol?", "description": "Basically, I want to go on a vacation from drinking of indeterminate length because I drink every day or every other day and that is very bad for you.  Also, I am taking 18 college credits in two weeks and I can't do that getting drunk every day.\n\nI'm not physically addicted to alcohol as far as I can tell.  I don't even feel a really strong need to have it most of the time.  But without it I am extremely bored and I think if I'm going to succeed I need to find a way to be not bored.\n\nProblems:\n\n1.  I don't have any friends, and I don't like any of my boyfriend's friends when I'm not drunk.  For the moment, I'm not sure how to make rewarding social interaction happen.\n\n2.  I am in a small town with limited activities to do, except for a lot of bars.  There are no meetups close enough for me to drive to, and no clubs in town that you don't have to pay to join.  Both of these things are also not helped by the fact that I make very little money.\n\nI've watched every tv show I'm remotely interested in watching, I don't like competitive video games, and I feel like I've also had my fill of hobbies that feel like work (learning languages, running, cleaning (if that's a hobby), drawing).   Usually my solution is drink until EVERYTHING is interesting, but I would love to find an alternative.\n\nDid anyone else experience this sort of boredom while trying to stop drinking?  What do you DO with yourself?  Does this feeling go away ever?", "answer": "You're in a very painful time in sobriety. Early on the dopamine spike necessary for basic enjoyment of activities is astoundingly high because of how consistent drinking affects your brain. I don't have any solution to that other than to tell you it gets better. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2d0smn", "comment_id": "cjl1zbr"}, {"question": "I really love that the only side effect of drinking too much now is that I just have to piss a lot. Not being hungover feels so damn good even when I'm tired AF.", "description": "Went to happy hour to see a co-worker off today & drank too much damn iced tea. I'll be going to the bathroom a lot this evening but it won't be because I'm puking or doing rails of cocaine.  And I'll probably not get enough sleep tonight & be tired when I wake up but at least I won't be hungover. \n\nThanks for being here, fellow sobernauts! IWNDWYT!", "answer": "I hear ya. I.must be the most hydrated person for miles...tea. water. Juice.....", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8h4u8d", "comment_id": "dyia7oh"}, {"question": "I'm an attractive, but awkward woman. People think there is something really wrong with me, and it makes it even harder to get out and socialize.", "description": "What it says, basically. I'm 25F. I used to have extreme social anxiety and basically didn't get out of the house for a few years. I am trying to rebuild my life now, and I feel so hopeless.\n\nI read so many things on here about \"people don't care that you didn't have friends before,\" and it doesn't seem to apply to me at all. I deleted my Facebook a while ago, it was just too depressing to keep up with. I reactivated it last year just so an employer could find me when I was looking for a job, that was literally the only reason. I haven't used it, it's pretty much just for some profile pictures and to wish my few friends a happy birthday. I don't really use social media either, all my accounts have less than 100 friends on them. It's mortifying. I'll buy something at a store and they'll ask me to promo it on Instagram, and then I'm stuck feeling awkward because I have like 75 followers and I can see the judgment all over their face. People think I shouldn't be this way, but I am.\n\nPeople care a lot. I'm trying to go out and meet new people, and as soon as they add me and see how empty my life is, it's over. I've heard rumors about how I'm \"hiding something.\" I really don't intend to brag, but I lost a lot of weight and I'm very pretty now, so I've heard whispers that I must be a prostitute, and that's why I'm so secretive. I am modest, shy, and barely sexually active, I'm not exactly wilding out when I go out. But people have these expectations of me because of my looks, and when I fail to meet up to them because I don't have thousands of friends or cool travel stories or a list of exes that looks like Taylor Swift's, I'm obviously \"hiding\" something very sinister.\n\nI know the situation has changed, because when I was fat, people would just give me the benefit of the doubt that I was socially awkward and leave it at that. They would be much more accommodating, and I regret not having the self-worth then to accept that from them, because I'm completely alone. Now, people project all these completely false ideas on to me, and I don't know how to overcome it. It's not like I have any proof, without much of a social life or online presence, it really is like I don't exist.\n\nI want to go out and have fun and enjoy the few years I have left in my twenties. But I feel like I can't without these things. People are so harsh and judgmental and I feel like I can't do anything right.\n\nAdditionally, I'm travelling right now. It's not like I'm even trying to build long-term friendships, where history and context might matter. I just want to tour and party with people for a few days before moving onto the next city. I'm dropped like a hot potato each time.\n\nI have decent social skills now, gaining confidence has helped a lot. I'm participating here because it's still new to me, and I want to constantly improve. But it feels like people are so superficial that social skills don't even matter; only social capital does.\n\nAnd I'll never have that.\n\nI am so depressed on this vacation now, I can barely keep going. I worked so hard to improve my life and fix myself and it just feels like it's for nothing, and I'll always be so far behind the starting gate. It's such a shitty situation that I feel like I was better off being fat, people would then at least value your personality. Now, it's only the idea what you can be for people, and when you can't be that, they're gone.\n\nI relate way too much to Don Draper.\n\nI don't know how to explain myself, or how to overcome this. I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, however, I've been lurking here a long time, and I've valued the advice given greatly. I'm sorry for venting - if anything, I also sort of need someone to help me identify exactly what the hell my problem is.\n\nAs well, I know talk is cheap, but my intention here isn't to brag. I've been on both sides, and while becoming attractive has helped me in a lot of ways, particularly in regards to how I am treated, which makes overcoming social anxiety much easier than it is for most, there are also drawbacks. I am posting this to learn how to navigate these drawbacks, without having to sugarcoat anything. I hope that makes sense!\n\n*edit:* Thank you for all your thoughtful replies, please keep them coming! I'm going to do my best to get back to them quickly, but since I am traveling and have limited data, I have to squeeze these in when I can find wifi. I really appreciate your comments, your perspectives have lifted a weight off my shoulders. I will definitely participate here more!", "answer": "Have you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? It sounds like a lot of the things you are telling yourself about what other people are thinking of you are just untrue, and cognitive behavioral therapy really helps you challenge those thoughts and let go of being controlled by them. If you don't have access to therapy right now, try googling it or check out the book \"Feeling Good\" by David Burns (creator of CBT).", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "6m72tw", "comment_id": "djziyoj"}, {"question": "BOUNDARIES", "description": "I want to learn what are boundaries exactly , how to set and how to hold on to them", "answer": "Very briefly, i\u2019d summarize boundaries by deciding: what is ok with you, and what isn\u2019t? If you communicate your boundaries to others, and someone interacts with you in a way that violates them (not ok with you), is there a consequence?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "etr6z9", "comment_id": "ffi1b9g"}, {"question": "Dyshidrotic eczema fluid- what is it?", "description": "Gender: female\nAge: 21\nSmoking history: none, though my SO smokes near me often\nWeight: ~135lbs\nHeight: 5\u20193.5\u201d\nMeds: None\nMedical problems: cat allergy\nLocation of complaint: fingers/hands\nDuration of complaint: on and off the past few years or so\n\nI suspect I have a very mild case of this eczema- tiny, itchy blisters forming \u2018deep\u2019 under my skin, usually on my fingertips and the edges of my fingers. When popped, the liquid leaves a sheen behind after drying- it\u2019s definitely not water (if that wasn\u2019t evident before.) What is the liquid inside eczema blisters?", "answer": "Eczema blisters, like many blisters, fill with plasma \\(the liquid, non\\-cellular part of blood\\)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mg68l", "comment_id": "dznc1bs"}, {"question": "Anyone here have a vitamin D deficiency?", "description": "I was recently diagnosed with a severe vitamin D deficiency. I think it's because I cover up from head to toe year round due to my hirsutism. Also heavily introverted so I'm indoors most of the time. I'm worried about my bone health. My back constantly aches and I've developed hump on the base of my neck. Also I'm a two inches shorter this year. What does this all mean?", "answer": "Yeah, I was put on prescription vitamin D. \n\nI read up and found most overweight people have low levels because it just hangs out in the fat instead of doing the stuff out body needs it to. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7h1oex", "comment_id": "dqo4raf"}, {"question": "Rescued by a real-life knight last night.", "description": "We just got to our seats at the concert, my husband and in-laws get settled as the show begins. Seconds later, a few of my friends stumble to their seats behind us, and one friend hands me a drink and all I hear is \u201chere\u2019s a sparkling water.\u201d \n\nI take a sip and it was a vodka club (which we used to call \u201c[my name] water\u201d as a joke -yikes, you know you have a problem when...) but he also didn\u2019t know I\u2019m not drinking anymore, and this would usually be a wonderful gift for me... so honest mistake.   \n\nAs the sip went down, a quick flash of justifications why it was ok to take another sip wash over me, BUT at that EXACT INSTANT I look at the Jumbotron monitors and the images with the song playing show a woman crying inside her car while parked at a liquor store, as she\u2019s eyeing her AA chip. \n\nBOOM. It hit me like a brick wall. NO! NO! NO! I started welling up with tears as the video played, subtly showing other images of addiction... \n\nI handed the drink back to my friend (who somehow sucked his down already) and told him I shouldn\u2019t around the in-laws.  \n\nThe instant I handed the drink back, it was like a spiritual moment where the notes rang sweeter, the words went deeper, the colors brighter. After a few songs, the artist spoke very candidly about his struggles with addition and asking for help. It was like he was speaking directly to me. Tears ran down my cheeks as I tried to conceal my emotions.\n\nThank you, Sir Elton John, for being my white knight. You saved me last night. \n\n\u201cSo goodbye yellow brick road\nWhere the dogs of society howl\nYou can't plant me in your penthouse\nI'm going back to my plough\u201d \n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "This is a really great and well told story. Gave me chills. Thank you for sharing! And great job by the way!!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "dtxh9u", "comment_id": "f71rc27"}, {"question": "Advice with getting diagnosed.", "description": "I will keep it short. I think there is something psychologically wrong with me so looking for some advice as to how to find someone to tell me if I am just imagining things or something is actually wrong. I am living in York in England but all advice is welcome and very much appreciated. I am also at the university in york if that helps. \n\nEdit: Thank you all for the advice for what to do. I am going to email when I get back to university about doing sessions and also to my GPS as well. Thanks again to you all.\n", "answer": "I'm not sure if it's the same in England--I'd be very surprised if it was different--but over here in the US, most universities offer at least a few sessions at the university's counseling center included in tuition. \n\nIf I understand correctly, you're at the University of York, and [according to this page on their website](https://www.york.ac.uk/students/health/mental-illness/yourself/), on the right-hand side of the page is some contact information for the support center. I would start there. If you need more in-depth assistance, they can refer you to an appropriate clinic or hospital.\n\nI hope that helps!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5l43jo", "comment_id": "dbsqnvt"}, {"question": "Can I be experiencing symptoms of something I don\u2019t have just because I\u2019ve been worrying I might have it?", "description": "Female, Caucasian, 25, 5\u20191\u201d, 143 lbs, non-smoker.\n\nI was drinking these sugary coffee drinks everyday for a while and at the end of last week, I noticed every time I drank one, I was feeling super nauseous after. Of course, this made me google the symptom and the top thing that cake up was diabetes. \n\nOf course, I saw some other symptoms of diabetes and talked to my friend who\u2019s a nurse and she told me I would be endlessly thirsty and frequently needing to use the restroom. Of course, now I\u2019m super thirsty constantly and using the restroom only 5 minutes after just going. And then another friend told me that I would have tingly fingers and toes and now I have that, too.\n\nI\u2019m not sure if I had these symptoms before and my awareness of them made me see or if these are occurring because I\u2019m afraid that I have diabetes.\n\nEdit: I do not have diabetes. I thought I did and looked up the symptoms and started experiencing them. Thanks to everyone who helped.", "answer": "Yes, it's possible and actually fairly common to develop symptoms because you're worried about the disease.\n\nTingly fingers and toes are a late symptom of diabetes. The chance that you would develop that before diagnosis is very small. Thirst and urination (polydipsia and polyuria) can be symptoms of diabetes, but you can also be thirsty because it's hot out, need to pee because you just drank a lot of fluid, and then feel the need to pee more because you're anxious about it.\n\nIt's straightforward to see a doctor and get tested. It's possible that you have diabetes. It's possible that this is all anxiety. It's even possible that you have diabetes *and* the symptoms are produced by anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ckagb9", "comment_id": "evlbojb"}, {"question": "Back together with her, feels different, \"less\" in general? [relationships] [no contact rule] [dating your ex] [rebound] [grass is greener syndrome]", "description": "Long story short I [25m] dated this girl [23f] for cuople of months, then at one point she started to act really bitchy around me to the point that she wanted became friends with benefits only, so I broke it off. I applied 30 day no contact rule because I was hoping for reconciliation but one night I saw her making out with our new neighbour (we live close to each other). It kind of ruined me. one month later she started showing interest again and we got back together. We started things slowly and she is really trying this time, but something seems off. It's like if I was over her but still with her? I was genuinely, stupidly in love with her first time around and even though I am glad that we are back together I cannot get myself to open up like this again. We talked about it and she also admitted that she is feeling \"less\" this time. Is it normal with couples who were broken up? Or is it that we get only one \"honeymoon phase\" ? Please share with me your thoughts.", "answer": "sounds like you've both re-evaluated what you want and decided you're not as compatible as previously thought", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s7hwr", "comment_id": "ddd1a5h"}, {"question": "I (26/m) broke up with my girlfriend (26/f) and i'm very conflicted and confused. I need your help.", "description": "Okay, so I was dating this girl I met because of a mutual friend, It's definitely shortest relationship I've ever had, but it was not meaningless to me. I just some insight, preferably from women, but at this point i'll take any advice at all.\n\nI started dating this girl after 3-4 dates over several weeks. Everything was going great, and I wanted to take my time before jumping into bed with her. A bit about her, she's had a bad past, was in an unstable relationship with someone who would yell at her for crying, belittled her, and it lasted on/off for 5 years. She has also struggled in the past as a former anorexic, who almost passed away.\n\nAnyways, to the issue, about a week before the end of the relationship, I noticed her being distant, I called her over and asked to talk, I didn't blame her, instead I used many \"I feel's\" rather than making her feel at fault, and she said she had been subconsciously pushing me away because i'm so nice she doesn't know how to handle it, she cried, we talked a bit, and then we cuddled, and she said she wanted me her family on the weekend.\n\nThat weekend, I met her family (uncles, brother, aunts, grandparents), amazing people, nothing bad to say about any of them, and then something happened.\n\nHer brothers girlfriend happened to come over, she was younger by about 5 years, and my girlfriend went quiet. I noticed this and asked if she was okay, she said i'll tell you later. I took her outside away from everyone and said, is there anything I can do? She told me that she get's insecure when there's another pretty girl in the room because of past experiences, I said I only have eyes for you, and you're beautiful. Everything went downhill from here.\n\nShe ended up coming back to my place that night, and it was late, so I knew she was thinking about sex, I had been up since about 5 am, and was not feeling well, up until this point I had only given her oral, and this caused a downward spiral that ended everything.\n\nShe was very hurt, like, no matter what I told her, she said that she was angry and thinking selfishly because she shaved for me, got dressed up for me, and she really did look beautiful. I get her being confused, why would you go back to your boyfriends place so late, if not for sex, that's my mistake, but it still felt so forced. I told her I just wouldn't be myself 100 % if we did it right now.\n\nThe following day, she said she was confused about her feelings, I ended up seeing her 2-3 times that week (which I realize was probably a mistake I should of given her space, and she also stopped initiating all texting. Her body language was closed off, I didn't understand why she was hanging out with me if I couldn't even hold her hand, it was very awkward.\n\nI decided to stop initiating contact for a day or 2, and she just...didn't say anything. I concluded that it really seemed like she wanted out and was just too shy to do so. I asked for my ipod back, she let me hold her hand while ending things, and then...we made out with one another.\n\nSince then I asked if we could remain friends or friends with benefits because her best friend seemed to suggest that if there was less communication and just more fun times, she would open up more.\n\nShe said we could be friends, and took a long time to consider it, since then I have texted her twice in a week, with no response, so i guess friendship is off the table.\n\nShe's an awesome person, I really tried my best, and i'm not looking to get her back, maybe to be friends one day, but being ignored hurts, and I know I need to accept this and move on. Can anyone help me rationalize my situation? Is it really because I refused sex just after a month of dating? (my longest relationship was 4 years and i'm just trying to figure this out) She's an awesome girl and it sucks that she won't even message me, she didn't argue the breakup,said sorry for wasting my time and cried.", "answer": "She has a tremendous amount of shame around her body and sex. Her insecurity was triggered by rejection, and her mind leapt to a maximalist position that it's stuck to: \"this dude is not safe.\"\n\nIn all likelihood, this was just a matter of time, because if she could be this triggered by a sin of omission (not wanting sex), it was gonna happen sooner or later.\n\nBecause it happened relatively early in your relationship, there may be no way to repair the damage. That doesn't mean that anyone is at fault. This stuff happens. Sometimes trauma steps in and fucks everybody up. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdxfm", "comment_id": "dipkc1x"}, {"question": "Seronegative infection or late seroconverter?", "description": "I'm male 31. 70kg weight. 5.5 height. I got exposure to HIV positive blood. I have all HIV symptoms. Extreme fatigue, weakness. I had stomach problems and fever after 2 weeks of exposure. I also had one swollen looking lymph node. But my three month and five month test was negative. My five month HIV 1 PCR was also undetectable.I'm afraid that I might had seronegative infection. Or different strain etc. This fatigue is unbearable now. I'm too tired and sleepy all the time . I'm on bed all the time now.", "answer": "HIV is usually asymptomatic a few months in. The more likely possibility is that you don't have HIV and may have another infection. EBV (mono), for example, or anything else that could cause nonspecific symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dri3ep", "comment_id": "f6ix786"}, {"question": "Am I drinking too much?", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I fight a lot. He has a temper. He is what most would consider emotionally abusive. I have been in therapy and see the signs. \n\nI am writing because he is now trying to say I am a drunk. I drink about 3 glasses of wine throughout a day. I'll have one when I come home from work.  One with dinner and sometimes one as my desert. He's heavy and he eats ive cream...I'll sip a glass of wine. \n\nHe says I'm a drunk and tries to use it against me. I don't get drunk often. Maybe on weekend party nights with him? But not normally...\n\nThe. I had a bottle of xanax prescribed to me 2 years ago. I take one sometimes when I. And sleep. Maybe one every six months. He has take  some of my pills!\n\nTonight he said he went and counted the pills and said he felt I had taken some. He called me a drunk and said he was worried a about me. \n\nI told him I had 2 glasses of wine today and I did NOT take a single pill!!!  \n\nHe said he doesn't believe me. He likes to try to find ways to manipulate me and I am so sick of it. \n\nI told him I will have one glass of wine a day (my Dessert) for next 2 weeks.  He said he would expect me to be hiding alcohol and it will \"catch up w me\". \n\nI couldn't believe he said all of this and I feel very sad. Sometimes I drink to stay calm because he can be so accusatory And tough. But I am not a drunk. \n\nDoes he have a point though? ", "answer": "Moderate drinking is defined as 2 drinks/day  for a male and 1 drink for a woman. A drink is defined as 5 oz of wine, or 12 oz of beer, or 1.5 oz hard liquor.\nYou can look up definitions of alcoholism on the web.   I'd be concerned if someone was drinking more than that amount everyday of their life. Beyond that, it seems like an unhappy situation, and you and your therapist can discuss that in detail and decide on whether couple therapy is prudent.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ucwpu", "comment_id": "ddt54jj"}, {"question": "A boyfriend In distress.", "description": "So me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and we really only had major 3 fights.  we both are happy most days. Now we went out yesterday  and I brought up a story about what happened to me and my friends, she said \" is this going to be one of those days\" then continues to bitch at me. After that she trys to make it up and act like it nothing happened. Now i stayed silent and didn't  say a word for most of the night. The sad thing is that this isn't a rare occourance she tends to do this to me weekly or almost daily for the last month or two i think. I'm not the yelling type of person, so I really don't fight back when she yells. The sad thing is she brings up all the past issues and it digs deep. I don't really know what to do.", "answer": "3 fights in 3 years is too little fighting. A lot of shit is getting swept under the rug. \n\nLearn to have little fights by, for instance, not pouting for half a day when she hurts your feelings. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyohd", "comment_id": "di6djos"}, {"question": "So there is this younger girl...", "description": "So, basically I met a girl last year. I know her through being friends with both her dad and brother. I really like this girl. Hell, I think I might love her. \n\nHere is the kicker though. I'm 19 (male) and she is 15. The age of consent here is 16, and neither of us would want to break that law. I've only had one girlfriend before and I'm a virgin. I'm not sure how she feels about me, she has said mixed things about liking me. When I'm with her she seems to really like me, but when we aren't together it doesn't feel that way as much.\n\nI really don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her, and just really want to be with her.\n\nAdvice? Any experiences from dating at a similar age with a similar age difference? \n\n", "answer": "How do you feel about spending time in jail or getting on the sex offender list? WortH it? Nah, probably not...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1agui9", "comment_id": "c8xox08"}, {"question": "LDR would like some help how to proceed", "description": "I'm currently in a LDR with this girl but am unsure what to do about our relationship or how to portray my feelings across properly.\n\nWould prefer to talk over pms/etc", "answer": "if it's long dist and you've never met in person, it's not a relationship yet. try to visit for a weekend and see how it goes. portray feelings by speaking from the heart.   what do you want--what does she want....those are the relevant questions", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1k2g", "comment_id": "dcfx0jr"}, {"question": "Questions about psychological assessments (How do I get one, how long do I have to wait, etc)", "description": "Hello. I'm a young man of 18 years and I was wondering how to go about getting a full psychological assessment (even covering issues I already know I have just to see how I've progressed), and mainly, what getting one entails. I'm pretty sure to get one I just ask my family doctor and/or my psychiatrist, but how long do I have to wait after that? Will they give me a big broad one (I want one as in-depth as possible) or just a small, specific one? Is there a chance they could decline me one? (I have a fear of this because a few months ago I went to the hospital not knowing what else to do because I was almost suicidal and asked for a full assessment even if it took a while or just someone to talk to. They just gave me a stupid fucking pamphlet for a group that is kind of far from me and only open one day of the week and sent me on my way...and this was a hospital known for good mental health services. Maybe I'm just whining.)\n\nI've been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety and have some problems with addiction and a bit of self harm. I can't properly maintain relationships due to my anxiety, I'm failing school and my ADHD probably has something to do with it. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I feel I may have an atypical form of it (\"Pure or mostly O\"), possibility of very mild ASD, and I'm not sure if I have a personality disorder or not. Self diagnosis gets one nowhere - I want my brain systematically checked out by a professional.\n\nTL;DR - How long do I have to wait for a psychological assesment? Who do I ask, do I have to pay, and can I be turned down one?", "answer": "To get a full psychological assessment you would need to see a psychologist for psych testing. You can ask your family doctor to refer you, or if you are seeing a therapist, you can ask for a referral.\n\nYes you would have to pay. Your insurance may possibly cover it, but you would have to look into it.\n\nHow long you wait for it would be determined by what type of assessment you are given and how busy the psychologist is. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "15qfdx", "comment_id": "c7ozeib"}, {"question": "How do I(14M) not blush?", "description": "My sisters always try to make me blush and it happens so easily and im very pale all my family is it shows very very very much im like Rudolph but with my cheeks. I want to stop its embarrassing which in return makes me blush more. I just dont like blushing.", "answer": "Blushing is a response that, while obviously uncomfortable, actually pulls people to feel empathy for you. \n\nI like to call it out when it happens and laugh about it. Works well. \n\nEdit read [this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thisisinsider.com/blushing-easily-embarrassed-advantages-2017-1) . Hope it helps :)\n\n", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9pdxyk", "comment_id": "e819d3a"}, {"question": "We have a friend staying with us who we think has schizophrenia. We are in a situation right now and need some advice...", "description": "**Background**:\n\nMy parents teach at a university in Tanzania. A year and a half ago, a student in our department (which is relatively small, around 30 students) started to become extremely paranoid. Visions, hearing voices, stuff like that. She came to us about it and we agreed to take her in.\n\nIf she was experiencing any of this before, she was really great at hiding it. She went from a mostly happy person to a paranoid and timid person. Not to say that she's never happy anymore, but she was a lot more cheerful back before this started.\n\nAnyways, back to the chain of events. She started keeping her phone off at all times and didn't want to let anyone see her except for us. She stayed in her room most of the time, although she was very helpful around the house. Shortly after she started staying with us, she graduated, and we agreed to let her continue to stay with us for a while longer. She continued to be very seclusive, although she has opened up a little now.\n\nA short while later she started leaving to go someplace (we don't know where, she described it to me recently as her \"safe place\") and she claimed to have started to receive messages from God. Some were relatively harmless, but others harmed her (not physically). For example, shortly after graduating, she got a wonderful job opportunity, and we went through all this work helping her quit her old job. Soon after, though, she got a \"message\" telling her to NOT take the job, and so she immediately turned it down.\n\nThat was queer, but the queerest thing that happened was a few months ago (around Easter IIRC), when she suddenly decided to change her name. It was quite surprising to us. She absolutely refuses to answer to her old name at all, except for people who hadn't yet been notified of the change (who she immediately notified). There wasn't really that much of a personality change that came with the name change, however; it seems that it was just her name that changed.\n\nAnyways, currently she is living with us, going by her new name only, still pretty timid, still disappearing every afternoon. She is a little more open now, going places with us occasionally, etc, and she seems to generally act okay most of the time - by just talking to her you wouldn't think anything's wrong with her. In terms of relatives, her father is dead, her mother is, I'm told, mentally ill, and she was raised and cared for by her aunt as a child. She is 32 years old.\n\n**The situation:**\n\n(to avoid confusion I will henceforth refer to our friend as \"M\")\n\nM's aunt somehow got wind of M's suspected illness - either through a concerned ex-roommate of M's, or simply figuring it out herself with M's phone being off and such. She told us that she would come to pick M up and take her (home I guess). We think that something does need to happen before M makes to many bad decisions, and this \"intervention\" may be the right thing. We managed to avoid confrontation tonight due to some campus rule about not being allowed to take people from campus in the evening or something, and we're supposed to take M to a safe location (local police station) to \"transfer\" M to her aunt in the morning.\n\nKeep in mind that M, at this point in time, doesn't know anything. Apparently the last time her aunt came, her hands started to shake uncontrollably. I didn't know about this previous visit until a few minutes ago, so if more information is needed in this respect I'll ask.\n\nNow, she trusts us (I'm pretty sure), but she might become uneasy about being suddenly asked to come with us in the car. We do NOT want to do a \"trick\" or lie to get her to the station, but we're unsure how to go about this another way.\n\n**Please:**\n\n* Are we doing the right thing?\n\n* If so, are there any suggestions on how to get M to come? Do we tell her what's happening right away and hope she doesn't resist? Tricks/lies are not an option, that's just wrong.\n\n* If not, what should we do? Some sort of \"intervention\" does need to happen before the situation gets out of hand. The name change and turning down the great job opportunity may just be the start.\n\n* Does this sound like schizophrenia or something else?\n\nI'm posting this at 10:30PM local time, at around 7-7:30 AM tomorrow morning a decision has to have been made. We just really want more opinions on what needs to happen, as tonight my father already consulted with many people, including the head of the campus guards, the provost, and another teacher.", "answer": "It sounds like Schizophrenia could be a possibility, along with a few other mental illnesses.\n\nWhat does the aunt plan to do? M needs to see a doctor ASAP and get treatment before this causes any more problems or bad decisions. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2b8d2i", "comment_id": "cj2sr88"}, {"question": "Psych.", "description": "22 Yr old male. Diagnosed ADHD-C. Just looking for various opinions. I was always very hyperactive as i child. Inappropriate running, jumping, climbing, etc. To this day usually have an endless supply of energy. It was not until my brain matured before i realized my brain functioning was different from others. So that diagnosis is said and done. I was wondering if my adhd is secondary to something else like BP type 2. I am very hyperemotional almost always. I erupt in anger quickly and cannot control tears etc. I also have extreme empathy which is not always a bad thing. I certainly have days where i feel sort of hypomanic where i feel elated and nothing can stop me (elevated confidence). People have said i seem \"wound-up\" and i definately feel it but you do not realize this until its over. Ive also had two bouts of insomnia but this was quite a few years ago. The only issue is with the depression aspect. I dont recall every being depressed for a long period of time. I have days where i just dont want to leave my house but they pass very quickly. I feel as if i may be depressed sometimes or on a low but i cannot really tell. There is hist. of schizophrenia in my family but no BP that i am aware of. Another side note is a parent acts the same way i do at times and they cannot control it. So i get to see the other side of these tendencies and it is definitely not normal. I guess my big issue here is i cannot tell if i am having symptoms or this is just  my personality, and yes it does cause issues in my life.  ", "answer": "How long does both the highs and lows last for?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58u6sw", "comment_id": "d93aofi"}, {"question": "Back in rehab, again. What the fuck", "description": "Was sober for almost 3 years after the first stint in rehab, then got cocky and distanced myself from AA, thought I would never drink again.  One time away by myself on a business trip slowly became a year and a half struggle to stop\n\nBack to square one to try and build the foundation up again for a clean start, and hopefully my last time in treatment, and a sustainable life in recovery\n\nThanks everyone", "answer": "There's no way you are at square one. You have experience, motivation, knowledge of a better way and most of your final process figured out. Patch the holes, full the gaps and develop a habit of self and supported inventory on a regular basis to check for future leaks. Your clean time brought you back and will be a framework for the future; it just wasn't quite enough.  You got this. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5wrv39", "comment_id": "decpiiy"}, {"question": "I'm [25M] At A Loss Over Problems with the Girl I've Been Dating [25F]", "description": "I've posted about this before and I've been warned about this repeatedly by a couple of people. I guess my chickens have finally come home to roost. \n\nI dated a girl my senior year of university and fell in love with her. We broke up but we ended up living in the same area as each other but away from our home state. For all intents and purposes, we've been dating for a couple of years but she never felt comfortable making it official. \n\nShe said that was because she felt that if we officially dated, she'd feel pushed towards marriage. I believed her and gave her time because, to be honest, I love this woman. I want to marry her. \n\nThree weeks ago we went to a mutual friends' wedding as dates to separate people. At that wedding, she heavily flirted with another guy that wasn't me nor her date. I got really angry and uncomfortable and I felt trapped. There was even a moment when I was driving the two of them to a bar where they were holding hands and flirting, even though she could tell that I was obviously distressed by it. \n\nWe talked about that and last week she went on a cruise. She met a guy that she said she had a lot of fun with and she felt like he respected her. He lives halfway across the country, but since she got back they've been texting and talking on the phone. Over the weekend I drunkenly confronted her about it and it didn't go great. \n\nShe called me last night and we got into an argument. She feels like I'm being jealous and controlling. I am jealous but it almost feels like she doesn't understand that it's fucking hard for me to watch her be happy with another guy when so recently we were going out on dates. \n\nI feel used and abandoned and I feel like some of my stupid over reactions have destroyed my life with her. She has said that she loves me but just isn't sure if she'd be a good wife for me and wants to see if there's anything else for her out there.\n\nI need help explaining how I feel to her. She has asked for some time before we talk, but I don't know where to start telling her how I feel. Reddit, please help me figure out a way to talk to her without making a fool of myself and to make her understand how I feel. \n\nTl;dr- Girl I've been unofficially dating for years has called me jealous and has flirted with other men in front of me. I love her and I feel like she doesn't understand how I feel. I'm terrified that she just kept me around until she found someone \"better.\"", "answer": "She's texted me once or twice since I posted this and I've ignored them. I deleted my text history of her in my phone but I'm not quite ready to delete her phone number. \n\nI still want to sit down with her and talk about everything. What are some good ways to explain how I feel without making her defensive and shutting down? I do feel like she legitimately doesn't see how much of a jerk she's being. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "10ggqm", "comment_id": "c6dchnf"}, {"question": "\"Ruined\" due to PTSD", "description": "A couple of years ago I was at a work function and during lunch one of my colleagues told a brief anecdote about a friend of hers who had been in the military and developed combat ptsd.\n\nAlthough it's a serious topic, she was speaking about it rather light-heartedly - about how she jumps at noises, is afraid of the dark, fearful of strangers, etc. \n\nWhat really bothered me at the time, and what I can't seem to get out of my head right now, is how she said, laughing, \"They *ruined* her.\"\n\nMy colleague is in her early 30s, and generally an intelligent, kind and thoughtful person. Her saying this cut me so deeply. I have ptsd stemming from a fairly violent stranger sexual assault, so while our conditions don't have the same origin, I could really relate to what she was saying about her friend.\n\nI struggle a lot with feeling 'ruined' since this happened to me. I have no idea why this has come into my mind again after a couple of years, but I can't seem to shake it. I feel so worthless and deeply disgusting, and like I will never be better.\n\nWith the holidays coming up, I know I will see my friends with their husbands and kids, and be asked if I'm dating etc... I feel like such a fucking loser. I keep trying to imagine myself getting close to a man again, and I just can't. At all. It's even difficult being around the male members of my family, even thought they would never hurt me.\n\nCurrently I'm actually off work to focus on intensive exposure therapy, and this reminder... her laughter as she spoke of her friend's triggers and how she is 'ruined'... I just can't see what the point of anything is right now. I'm ruined. I will never scrub this stain away. I *am* the stain.", "answer": "I have felt this so so so much. We have some very similar stories. Good on you for going through intensive exposure therapy; it helped me a lot in processing my own rape. If the intensive exposure therapy feels like too much, look into trying EMDR therapy.\n\nAlso....someone said something really insignificant last weekend but it has been really profound for me. I don't know if I'll explain it well, but they just said something about how life is ruined, life is always ruined. Every life will have huge losses and pain, every life we could possibly live will have huge deviations from our ideal imagined life. This pain and \"ruin\" looks different for everyone of course and it's easy to feel more ruined than others. But I think for me it's helped a bit to accept that yeah, my life is ruined, and that's ok because it always would have been ruined one way or another. I'm ruined, but so is everyone else. \n\nI know it seems like everyone else is having so much more success in life, having \"normal\" relationships, kids, jobs, whatever, but one thing I've learned being in group therapy is that we really are so unaware of the burdens and the ruinations that other people are bearing. I know you feel like you are more ruined than most anyone else, but you aren't. Sending good thoughts your way...\n\n ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5fff7u", "comment_id": "dajy051"}, {"question": "How do I ask my doctor for a therapist and what should I say? How do I find out what kind of therapist I need and how can I convey this to my doctor?", "description": "You can read this post for more info https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/fw8gxw/how_do_i_know_if_i_am_a_pedophile_or_it_is_just/\n\nI made a post on this subreddit about a month ago asking about being a pedophile and I learned about POCD. I don't know if I'm a pedophile or have OCD but I know I really need a therapist and I think the only way to get myself to ask for one is to ask my doctor but I don't know what on earth I should say to them. How would I find out if I need a sex specialist or an OCD specialist? The last thing I would want is to finally get the courage to get a therapist and end up wasting a whole lot of time because it doesn't help or I get misdiagnosed or I get the wrong therapist. And since I don't know what kind of therapist I need, how would I bring it up to my doctor? What should I say to them?", "answer": "I want to start by saying that a lot of the online diagnoses you got in your first post were inappropriate and nobody could accurately diagnose you with OCD or pedophilia based on what you posted. \n\nDef tell your doctor you are struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety related to sex . Any psychologist can talk to you and then determine if you need some specific treatment . You may also be appropriate for psychosexual assessment .\n\nIf you , do , in fact,  have pedophilia,  which I'm not sure you do , a sex therapist would not be the right specialty.  There are specific programs for paraphilias and sex offenders (I know you said you haven't offended) and these are very effective.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwah7s", "comment_id": "fmnf61g"}, {"question": "I no longer feel like I know how to function socially", "description": "Hey everyone,\n\nI have been sober since early February from alcohol and I am very proud of it. I previously had 3 years sober, but relapsed very hard last year and then again in January. I was a morning to night, mostly solo drinker and never much of a partier. I am having some confused feelings lately about my sobriety.\n\nI have a small sober circle of friends, but in general most of my friends (including my partner) are not sober. I recently went on a trip with my partner to see my friends and got into some situations I probably shouldn't have been in. My partner essentially chain smoked weed for the entire trip, as did all of my friends. On one particular night everyone decided to drink, smoke and blow coke.\n\nNeedless to say I was shaken. I didn't want to use, but the discomfort was so immense. I felt angry and scared. I felt alienated at being the only sober one there. The only thing I could think to do was to smoke cigarettes and try to ignore it.\n\nHonestly I don't know what to do at this point. My partner's constant smoking bothers me to no end and I don't want to dissolve my relationships with my friends over their substance use, but maybe that is the only course of action. I feel like an absolute baby when I complain about feeling alienated or articulating how uncomfortable I feel in these situations. Have you been in this position before? I am really upset about this.", "answer": "Augusten Burroughs has a great metaphor about this in his book *Dry*. While in rehab for alcoholism, he is meeting with his therapist, who is helping him design a plan for \"re-entry\" into the world without going back to his old ways. She is telling him that he will have to make some changes. Like what? \"'Think of a puzzle,' she says. She draws a square and then inside of this adds squiggly puzzle shapes, with one missing piece. 'So this piece here is you.' She draws an individual puzzle piece. 'In recovery, your shape changes. In order for you to fit back into the rest of the puzzle, your life, the other pieces of the puzzle must also change their shapes to accommodate you.'\" He asks, what if the other pieces of the puzzle don't change? What then? \"'Then,' she says, 'you find another puzzle to belong to.'\"\n\nSo it goes in recovery. Painfully and unfortunately, a lot of relationships that one has as an addict can not continue if one really wants to change. It sucks but it also makes space for people who better fit into the new life that you are creating.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "dp2jkx", "comment_id": "f5t6cpg"}, {"question": "Being treated for Serotonin Syndrome. Have to d/c Effexor cold turkey. Worried about withdrawal symptoms; how serious are they and what can I do?", "description": "Required info:\n23 Female 5'6 130 lb\nCaucasian, Western US\nNon-smoker\nmedical history: PMDD, IgA Vasculitis\nCurrent medical problem: have been feeling increasingly bad and weird for past 3 weeks. doc yesterday believes I have serotonin syndrome based on my sx. \nCurrent meds: birth control (oral), lisinopril for kidneys, was on Effexor 175 until yesterday. was also rx Clonazepam 0.5 PRN for withdrawal symptoms.\n\n\nIssue:\nSo, my doc thinks I have serotonin syndrome. That is a kind of a long story to explain all the sx and what led up to this but I am so grateful he caught it because I had been feeling honestly awful and strange and was not sure what was wrong with me. He recommended I stop Effexor cold turkey as SS can be very dangerous if not treated. \n\nbut here's the thing. I already get awful w/ds if I don't take my Effexor on time every morning. I tried to wean off of it once and even that was so unbearable I couldn't do it. But I agreed because my life is obviously more important than a little discomfort.\n\nBut, I admit I did turn to Dr. Google to read about the w/ds and what to expect, how long, etc. I was a little terrified when I read *three weeks* for how long they can last. I have a life to live! But okay, I can handle it. However, some legit-seeming websites said that it should never be discontinued cold turkey because it can lead to really serious medical problems and even death. WTF?!?! \n\nIs this legitimate? Do I need to wean off of it, even if I do have serotonin syndrome (which I do believe based on my doc's description & my own preexisting knowledge of it; I never would have guessed but it makes sense)? how do I prevent serious withdrawal symptoms? I can handle feeling kind of crappy, but I don't want to fuck myself over and, you know, die.\n\nThanks!!", "answer": "Effexor withdrawal is unpleasant but not dangerous. There aren\u2019t very definite symptoms.\n\nYou skipped over it but I\u2019m curious. Serotonin syndrome is serious and acute, not chronic. What were the signs and symptoms that led to that diagnosis?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cn6lb2", "comment_id": "ew7tpk3"}, {"question": "After 9 years of homelessness I have a roof over my head and feel good.", "description": "I am 30 years old man from germany with abitur and have been homeless since 2011, that is until last febuary. I guess I have mental health issues but im not in therapy at the moment, the current situation put that a bit on the back burner. But in the past I hated myself and attempted to end my life on a handfull of occasions, getting always closer to breaking and doing it.\n\nMaybe three month ago I was approched by a social worker and he helped me find my way to a home for young men in rough situations in just a couple of weeks. It is still hard to belive how easy that was. For about a month and a half I just kinda houng out and got acclimated but kept some of my old habbits up (not drugs, just kinda being aimless). With Corona crashing the party, I spend all of my time at home and lazed around.\n\nBut this week I started to work in the extensive garden. Planting crops, installing watering systems and stuff. Today I planted 100+ onions, waterd some salat and cleaned up a volleyball field. I felt good doing that. Then I had myself a nice cold shower and sat down to write this. Im happy right now. Im happy that I enjoyed work. I put the fear that all this shit in my life was because Im just lazy behind me. I enjoy working. Im crying.", "answer": "Thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your life story with us! it takes courage to reflect on how we've handled our lives. I'm glad you are in this place now. As they say, not all days will be of glory. For me, the important thing is remembering that you might not be okay today, but tomorrow you will. \n\nHave compassion with your process. You've got this. And seek therapy!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fxrjqw", "comment_id": "fmxblm9"}, {"question": "I Expressed my feelings and..", "description": "So about 2 month ago I started talking to this girl and we started talking nonstop for about 3 weeks and tagging her in a unanimous amount of memes and all of sudden she stated she was sorry she was bad at messaging back which I think is BS, but still insisted to keep tagging her in memes. 1 week ago in the middle of the night I couldn't hold the thought anymore of writing a message to her to sincerely expressing my feelings towards her, so I did. I went on to explain how I had developed the feelings and everything else that falls in that category. Her reply back was \"I literally have no clue what to say, you left me speechless..\" I really been struggling to process this as if it is a green light or did she just brush me off? Can anyone help me out here? Thanks.. ", "answer": "might mean she needs to think on it. give it 2-3 days and follow up", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t5arz", "comment_id": "ddk9bfm"}, {"question": "Cardiac arrest at 24 years old", "description": "Background: female, 24 years old, about 1,65m and 60kg. Has diabetes (type 1), detected at around 6 y.o. Has always had minor panic/anxiety attacks, usually accompanied with minor chest pains, that her medical team always discarded. Doesn't smoke, generally healthy habits and blood tests have been normal. \n\nThis is a very close friend of mine, and I really need some advice on how to handle this, or even if there's something else the medical team should be doing.\n\nThis past 27th of April, she woke up dealing with chest pain and complaint about a slight numbness on her left foot, and decided to rest it out. But with no improvements, her mother got worried and rushed her to the hospital, thankfully one of the best when it comes to cardiac problems is very nearby (I should add I do not live in the US at this point, this happened in Portugal).\n\nShe walked in through the ER, was seen in a triage setting, where they saw her heartbeat was very erratic and gave her an orange wristband (we have a color system ranging from green to red, orange being of very high priority, only beaten by red). Right after they checked her, she collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. Was immediately assisted, defibrillator and all, and was with no pulse for around 50min, until they managed to stabilise her. She went into the OR, where a bypass was put on her leg. Something with the bypass didn't went totally right, because she was rushed to the OR again that night to correct it (I can't say for sure, because this is second hand news, but it was supposedly a clot that formed? I dunno), and they had to give her a blood transfusion. At this point they did a CAT scan and assured there was no brain damage, and that recovery was now totally dependent on heart and breathing evolution. They gave her a 30% chance of surviving. She was in an induced coma for about a week, heart beating with outside help, ventilator, and even dialysis machine, because her kidneys weren't cooperating either.\n\nSlowly but surely, they took her supporting machinery and she improved. She woke up. Had movement. Followed us around the room with her eyes, and sometimes moved her arms around, but never has she said a word. She has been awake for a week tomorrow. She still hasn't spoken a word. There are moments where it seems she answers our questions with intentional blinks, but other times we're not so sure. They discovered she had a clostridium infection, and are now treating it. They did an MRI, and yesterday told us that there is in fact brain damage. But it is scattered and not localised, and they are all minimal damages, but they didn't know if they were permanent or not.\n\nDoctors aren't saying anything else and we're all just left so confused and feeling deserted because they explained nothing and didn't even elaborate on what to do from here. We only know speech is one of the affected areas, but they didn't even explain if they meant speech or cognition.\n\nFamily situation is complicated, and the public hospitals here are complicated as well, to many patients, very little resources, and the staff is clearly strained all the time.\n\nMy question is, since I can't figure out anything at all from the doctors, how can it be possible for the initial CAT scan to show nothing, but then an MRI show brain damage? And what should we expect from here on? How can we help? Is this type of brain damage usually reversible or completely permanent? Can it become worse, since at first there was no damage and now there is?\n\nI'm really desperate for some answers on what to expect and how to help. Thank you so much if you went through the trouble of even reading or up voting this.", "answer": "There are two possible reasons for the discrepancy. One is that CT and MRI aren\u2019t the same and detect different things. MRI is better at many subtler changes that aren\u2019t visible in large scale anatomy. There\u2019s also a difference in timing. A CT done quickly may be done before any damage is apparent; any scan done days or even hours later might pick up ongoing changes.\n\nHer chances and degree of recovery are impossible for us to say. Lack of oxygen circulation because of cardiac arrest is bad for all organs, but some are more sensitive than others. Brain is unfortunately very sensitive, and 50 minutes without a pulse or breathing is a long time. Diffuse brain damage, called anoxic brain injury, is a sadly common result. Because of brain plasticity, even with physical damage some people have better recovery and some have none, but if it\u2019s showing up on MRI it\u2019s probably permanent physical damage. If things were bad enough that other organs also stopped working, like kidneys, it\u2019s more likely that her brain also took a serious hit.\n\nI am very sorry for your friend and for you. Unexpected, unexplained medical catastrophes are tragic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i68uo", "comment_id": "dypa850"}, {"question": "Should I find a new therapist", "description": "(If this is the wrong place to post this, my apologies: Please don't hesitate to tell me what, if any, might be a more appropriate subreddit.)\n\nI could use the opinion of an objective party or parties about something; I\u2019ve pretty much made up my mind on multiple occasions, but I keepdoubting myself.\n\nMy therapist, L, does not have much respect for my wife, who is dealing with MAJOR depression.  She does not understand her total inability to function at times, and openly questions whether my wife\u2019s DBT is actually doing her any good.  L has been (with permission) in contact with my wife\u2019s therapist (M) to discuss strategies; she *really* does not like L at all, and considers her very unprofessional, but has made some effort to meet her half-way.\n\nLast night, L called me and we spoke for about 20 minutes.  During a meeting with the rest of her practice, L brought up my situation and solicited advice.  Overwhelming -- or so she tells me -- her peers recommended that my wife\u2019s therapist drop her for non-compliance.  This should, in their opinion, *force* her into action, as my wife has clearly admitted an ability to function when things are at a crisis point.\n\n(If the house was on fire, she\u2019d be amazing.  But she ignores the flammable material stacked in the corners, even when there\u2019s smoke rising from some of them, and generally leaves *me* to deal with them.)\n\nShe then left a voicemail for my wife\u2019s therapist, in which she expressed the same feeling and apparently said that my wife doesn\u2019t \u201cdeserve\u201d to be in therapy.  Not surprisingly, M is not pleased.  On L\u2019s recommendation (and again, with my wife\u2019s permission) I spoke directly to her for a while last night trying to explain the position that I\u2019m in. M was very understanding and non-accusitory, inviting me to attend my wife\u2019s session with her next week.\n\nI don\u2019t know what to do.  My wife can\u2019t STAND L, but doesn\u2019t want me to drop the only therapist who I\u2019ve had any success with.  I feel that a line has absolutely been crossed, and I don\u2019t like the position that this has put in me in with my wife, but even M agrees that L is acting out of genuine concern for myself and for my son...who has, in fact, been negatively impacted by his mother\u2019s behavior.\n\nI\u2019m giving very serious thought to dropping L and finding a new therapist, as I feel that L is encouraging a sort of adversarial position with my wife.  On the other hand, I\u2019m wondering if I want to drop her for my *own* sake, or for my wife\u2019s.  My wife agrees that this is a genuine concern, and is not encouraging me one way or the other.  I\u2019ll be talking to L directly at my next appointment, a week away, but I\u2019m not sure what I should do.  I\u2019m also feeling guilty because, as I said, I really do think that L is really doing and saying what she thinks is best for me.\n\nOn the other hand, she can be very overbearing...and I know that she sometimes hears what she wants/expects to hear, so I don't know how reliable some of what she's relayed to me really is?\n\nDoes L\u2019s behavior seem unprofessional to anyone else? At this point, I don't think that I'd feel entirely comfortable staying with her practice.  But yet....", "answer": "So before I get started, I just want to say that I'm a licensed therapist and have been practicing for some time.  \n\nThis is a really tricky situation.  On one hand, you say your therapist has been good for you.  It seems like in some instances she's pushing you out of your comfort zone and forcing you to think differently about some issues with your wife.  Perhaps even set some healthy boundaries and expectations that haven't been there.  I think this is definitely a positive thing for you.  \n\nOn the other hand, I don't think it's very professional of her to be making recommendations to your wife's therapist based off of what you are telling her in your therapy.  Your therapy should be yours, and your wife's therapy should be her own.  It's going to hinder your relationship with your own therapist if you're afraid of what you tell her is going to get to your wife's therapist and then eventually to your wife.  \n\nI'd recommend rescinding the permission given for your therapist to communicate with your wife's therapist.  You are allowed to revoke consent to release of information at any time.  This may be somewhat a difficult situation if you and your wife are being seen at the same agency as therapists are allowed to talk about their cases to colleagues in a supervision setting.  \n\nIf after you rescind your consent for your therapist to share information about what you say to your wife's therapist she continues to do so, this is grounds for a lawsuit so 95% or more, she won't violate this.  \n\nStart focusing more on yourself and less on your wife in your therapy (even if that means your plans for how to react to your wife's issues).  If your therapist continues to be hung up on your wife and won't shift therapy to what you want to focus on, be firm with her, and if she doesn't follow through, drop her.  \n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6t2i0w", "comment_id": "dlhe53d"}, {"question": "My [m/26] gf [f/25] want s to talk about \"future\", but I feel it's too early.", "description": "My gf and I have been together for 2.5 years, and things have been going well. I'd like to move in with her once our leases are up in the end of spring. However, once I brought up moving in, she decided to start the whole entire \"future\" conversation, and I honestly do not feel like we are at that point yet.\nI'm only 26 and she is only 25 and I don't think I should have to be thinking about when/if we are going to get married or what we are going to name children, but she says she want to know my \"timeline\". I don't like idea of timeline, I think it is pressuring and pointless, because I do not want to hold myself to any kind of deadline. i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose, but I feel like she is trying to close off other options.\nHow do I deal with this and let her know that she needs to back off?\nTl;dr: gf want to talk future, I think it's too early.\n", "answer": "> i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose\n\nYeah, so ... this is not how that works. Marriage and kids should be a joint discussion, and at 2.5 years it's entirely reasonable for her to make sure you're on the same page. This doesn't mean hard deadlines and naming future crib midgets ... but if you said you wanted to get married at 40, and she wanted to get married in the next 2 years, that would be a giant deal. \n\n> let her know that she needs to back off?\n\nOy. Be an adult, have the discussion. She shouldn't just be expected to hang out and shut up until you feel like moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3uvw4x", "comment_id": "cxi7u9t"}, {"question": "What's wrong with meeee", "description": "I (22f) to get my feelings hurt easily and I know that about myself. And whenever my boyfriend (21m) tells me he wants alone time or something and doesn't want to hang out or text me, I get really sad and my feelings get hurt. I know it's not personal of course and it is 100% okay for him to wanna have some peace and quiet but I just get really sad. What's wrong with me? ", "answer": "find a therapist for your self esteem issues and possible depression", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lj574", "comment_id": "djukvfv"}, {"question": "Do therapists \"have it together\"?", "description": "*this is a light question*\n\nLOL, therapists are mysterious people. I don't really know anything about mine, except what I can infer about them from our sessions.\n\n...\n\nMy problem is that I never really think I \"have it together\".\n\nIn our sessions, I always complain about not \"having it together\". My therapist uses the CBT model and helps me build and maintain a routine so I feel like I am more on top of things, though I've never actually felt truly on top of *everything*.\n\n...\n\nSo I'm wondering if \"having it together\" all the time ... is even possible. Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nSince therapists help most of their clients \"get it together\", I kind of assume they know how to regulate their mood and be on top of things and keep things together in their own lives. If anyone feels like they're on top of things, it must be the therapist!\n\nSo that's the question:\n\n* Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n* Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n* Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\n*otherwise, I feel silly going in every week and telling my therapist how I don't feel like I am on top of everything lol*", "answer": "Obviously,  nobody is perfect and problems are going to pop up . Some things in our control and some things out of our control. \n\nPsychologists are trained for many years,  and part of that involves learning how to manage one's own life and emotions so that it does not impact work . I don't think i understood this as well,  when I worked as a master's level therapist . That may just be personal,  though .\n\n>\nAre there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nYes, absolutely.  My partner (who is not a mental health professional and has never been in therapy) is totally this,  and I learned a lot from being with him. I have not always been this way , but I can definitely say I am content and adequate almost all the time.  I'm confident in what I do know , and willing to admit what I don't, which I also think is a good skill . \"Put together \" is more vague. I don't know.\n\n>Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n\nYes. Of course we feel overwhelmed at times , but the ability to step back when needed and ask for help is a skill that can be learned. \n\n>Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\nYes, when you decide what it really means to you and have reasonable goals.  I know what is non-negotiable in my life and what I can let go. I know what is in my control and what is not.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geqkb3", "comment_id": "fq3mu5i"}, {"question": "Girlfriend has nickel intoxication, we have no clue how this happened.", "description": "Hi there!\n\nMy girlfriend was diagnosed with nickel intoxication. She has about twice the allowed amount of nickel in her body. The thing is: We have no clue why this happened. She was also diagnosed with histamine intolerance.\n\nShe had problems with her hand for about 4 months now. She has an eczema that got worse and worse (only on her right hand, on the upper half of her palm). It's a weeping wound. After she got a cortisone cream, it got better, dried up, developed a scab and healed. But as soon as the cream (and treatment) ended, the eczema came back. This went back and forth 3 times, until we decided to get better testing.\n\nSome data:\n\n* Age: 23\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 170 centimeter (5.6 feet)\n* Weight: 80 kilograms (175 pounds)\n* Race: Caucasian\n* Location: Austria\n* Smoker: No\n\nMy mother has a nickel intolerance and I know how that can manifest. But my girlfriend never had issues and didn't buy any new jewellery. Besides, from what the doctor said, a nickel intolerance isn't the same as nickel intoxication.\n\nPossible reasons we thought of:\n\n* Old plumbings in our appartment: But there are about 20 more flats in our appartment building, many inhabited by old people and no problem is known. Also, I show no symptoms (didn't get it tested though). And she doesn't drink tapwater that much.\n* Fish: She likes to eat store-bought ready-to-eat sushi and eats it about twice a week. Is that enough to cause nickel intoxication?\n* Food: We don't have the healthiest diet (but we're trying to do better), but there's nothing too unusual. Bread, butter, meat (mostly turkey meat, but also beef, chicken and pork), all sorts of vegetables, rice, eggs, fruits. And we really like sweets and soft drinks.\n* Paleo food: We recently started eating after a paleo diet, not very strict, but it's worth mentioning. We still eat bread and the occasional sweets, but we eat more rice and eggs than we used to and avoid milk products (except butter) and legumes. If she drinks soft drinks, they are calorie-free (maybe that's important). I don't think anything else changed so much that it's worth mentioning.\u007f\u007f\n* We can't think of any other factors like chemicals or things like that. Nothing unusal going on.\n\nNeither I nor our little boy (23 months old) have shown any symptoms of nickel intoxication. I'm away all week except for the weekends and our little boy has a mostly different diet, so that doesn't say much, but it may rule out some things like the plumbing, since he almost exclusively drinks tap water.\n\nI really hope you can help and/or have some clues what can cause nickel intoxication and what we should watch out for. Thanks a lot!", "answer": "Possibly a stupid question - but who diagnosed nickel intolerance?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fi5mf", "comment_id": "dal0fca"}, {"question": "Name the \"Dos and Don'ts\" of ADHD!!!", "description": "Tell me, what should I do? What shouldn't I do? What should I avoid, what should I add to my life? Anything from food, to books, to music, to hobbies...", "answer": "DO\n\n* Pay attention to how long it *actually* takes to do things. I find that when I'm estimating the time it'll take to get someplace, I need to add 20% to get the actual time. \n\n* Find a system that works, and trust the system. If it's sticky notes, todo apps, or a personal secretary, stick to it. \n\n* Get more sleep, exercise, and eat better. It really helps. \n\nDON'T\n\n* Let anxiety get out of control. Procrastination is basically an anxiety avoidance behavior, and ADHD makes it much worse. \n\n* Expect everyone to accept your excuses. I've burned too many bridges by abusing the good graces of others, rather than learning to cope with my own issues. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2w70pu", "comment_id": "coocn01"}, {"question": "My [21/f] girlfriend has extreme catholic parents and I am getting extremely bored of how the relationship works because of them.", "description": "I have been dating this girl for a bit more than two months now, and I really like her in every way, but the huge problem is that her parents take care of her like she was 8.\n\nShe can't come to my house, we can't be alone, we have to (almost every time) be with her parents, she can't get home later than 10pm, I can't sleep at her house, I have only been on her room ONCE, etc.\n\nShe has sneaked to my house several times and whatever but she is always pretty nervous and she is always scared. Her mom asks her to take pictures of where we are and it's pretty annoying. I really just want to spend time with her and have fun but it has been really difficult.\nMy friends love her but we always have to leave early, I have to take her home (which is like 2 hours away from mine)\n\nShe is also really hating this, and has even cried telling me \"Dude i am 21, I am older than you (I am 19) and they threat me like I was 7\" but she tells me that even if she tries to talk with her parents, nothing will change and that they won't even listen to her.\n\nIt's also incredibly annoying to be with her mom like 60% of the time, she talks to me like criticizing me and trying to turn me into a catholic, I have spent almost the same time with her mom than with her, and it really sucks cause I just really want to have a cool relationship with this girl .\n\nSo yeah, in general the way the relationship is working has been boring for me and I don't what to do. If I want to be with my  SO I have to be in her house, and if I'm there, her mom will come to us and talk about God for like 3 hours. Should I stop going to her house? Should I tell her to grow up and talk with her parents? I am really thinking about leaving her, I love this girl but if I can't spend quality time with her, I feel like the relation is just going nowhere.\n", "answer": "she has to make a decision about being her own person or not. if she can't be, no rel. will work out for her.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kc0r6", "comment_id": "dbmwrgq"}, {"question": "so so so overwhelmed with how honored i feel", "description": "i (F20) came home from uni for spring break and my mom was giving me all the updates from the interviews that my younger brothers (M12, M16) just had for some school programs they were applying to. i've always been a little sad that i never felt like a good role model for them, since i had a rough time in high school with grades and my social life, and maybe a little jealous that they seem to not have the same problems that i do, but always so proud that they're so brilliant.\n\n​\n\naccording to my mom, when asked about his personal role models, one of my brothers said that he looked up to me!!!!! i feel so happy and overwhelmed!!!!! he said that even though i had conditions that made it difficult for me to get work done, i pushed through. \n\n​\n\nim holding back tears as im typing now hahahahaha but my heart is so full\n\n​\n\nTL;DR im a good big sister :\\^)", "answer": "Nice work!!!! You sound like an amazing role model :D", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ffohy5", "comment_id": "fk06sju"}, {"question": "Question about numbing injection during medical procedure", "description": "Age: 28  Healthy Length: 1 Day\n\nNormal numbing injection for cyst removal on scalp. Is it normal for swelling to occur in the area where numbing solution was injected after the procedure is completed?", "answer": "It's normal to have swelling around where a procedure was done, which is where the numbing solution would be injected. So yes, I think so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fo5t", "comment_id": "ejd6tbt"}, {"question": "How do you unwind?", "description": "Adderall has changed my life. But it's come at a cost. It keeps me awake and makes me search for a way to unwind. It seems that nowadays I've started to drink more than I'd like. Is this something that is normal in people with ADHD? I know it runs in my family and I'm afraid I have alcoholic tendencies. \n\nWhat are some alternatives to calm the side-effects of Adderall or any other medicine?", "answer": "I usually exercise or run...This may not be the most \"fun\" option but it really helps reduce the feelings of being on edge. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7nk38d", "comment_id": "ds37p6c"}, {"question": "After 10 years I think I\u2019ve finally reached my breaking point. I think I want a divorce.", "description": "This is kinda long. Sorry in advance. More of a rant, I guess. \n\nWe\u2019ve been married for 10 inglorious years. About 4 years in I began keeping a log of the REALLY horrible events that would happen. That\u2019s not to say that there weren\u2019t other run of the mill shitty days, because he\u2019s just a mean and nasty drunk. Well, the other day I went to add to the log because I finally actually said the words out loud to my dad. \u201cI love him, but I\u2019m not in love with him anymore\u201d. I broke down. I guess that means I\u2019m done. This man does nothing but mentally abuse me and make me feel like shit. He hasn\u2019t kissed me properly since we started dating 10 FUCKING YEARS AGO because \u201cwe aren\u2019t compatible kissers\u201d yet has shown no interest in trying to remedy this. I even tried when we first started dating to see if we could work on it. He\u2019s not interested in kissing me. I need more. I need love and compassion. I need to be kissed and held. I need someone who isn\u2019t a narcissistic alcoholic who hates my children and acts as if he regrets marrying me. He\u2019s miserable when he\u2019s sober but he\u2019s not AS mean, as if THAT\u2019s any consolation. I looked back at the log and most of the dates are special events. Several of my birthdays, Mother\u2019s Day, almost every New Year\u2019s, my daughter\u2019s 8th birthday dinner. Last night he ended our phone conversation (he was hammered) by replying to my \u201cI love you\u201d by saying \u201cwell, I don\u2019t know if I love you anymore\u201d then hung up one me. We hadn\u2019t even been fighting. And then this morning I get all the normal \u201cgood morning, baby\u201d texts like nothing ever happened. (He\u2019s traveling for work) I can\u2019t tolerate it anymore. He\u2019s an intolerable drunk. He\u2019s nasty and mean and even when he\u2019s not he\u2019s just annoying with his circular conversation and the stories I\u2019ve heard over and over for the past 10 fucking years. He\u2019s so filled with hate and anger he has no room to love and appreciate me or the family right in front of his face. I\u2019ve been nothing but a perfect obedient little wife to him while he has slowly taken away every shred of my autonomy, independence and self respect to keep me completely dependent upon him. I gave up my career to be a stay at home mother and when the kids were all back in school he somehow forced me to quit each job I\u2019ve managed to hold since. I only recently made friends at my last job and went out for the first time in 9 years. How could I be so fucking naive and just plain stupid?  I have a college degree and had a career when we met, but I\u2019ve been out of my particular field for too long to go back now. I\u2019ve got to get away from him. But how?\n\nEDIT: I go to meetings weekly as I\u2019ve been trying to keep my sanity (mine is tomorrow). I don\u2019t engage as much as possible but I just can\u2019t find my way anymore. The stress and anxiety is making me physically ill. I know I\u2019m powerless and I know he\u2019ll never change.", "answer": "ugh the running log of things he's done...I am still compiling mine.", "topic": "AlAnon", "post_id": "diycl9", "comment_id": "f426366"}, {"question": "How can I secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your help, guys. So many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. I was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning I decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. She was glad I spoke up. This morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. When she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. They went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. When they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. I didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. He will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. She also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. Still, I will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. Just to make sure we are ok. Again, thank you everyone for your advice.\n\n15M, 6+foot, ??kg, Caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. In New Zealand.\n\nSo tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.\n\nLong story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. He comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"How was school?\"* He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.\n\nMy nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **NOTE:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. I have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. He specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.\n\nI don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but I know he needs better care and support than I can provide. I am living with the family at the moment, so I can offer at-home support. However, I think he needs to see a professional. These memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. It's affecting his happiness. He is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. I want to know what I can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. Is he able to get therapy? Does he need parental consent to try medications?\n\nI know this isn't the typical 'AskDocs' question, and I apologise. But I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "This is the kind of question about medical systems and access and coverage that is very local. I know nothing about New Zealand and I\u2019m sure most posters here don\u2019t either. You might get less professional but more practical advice in a New Zealand subreddit.\n\nYou certainly will have a hard time forcing your nephew into any treatment without his or his parents\u2019 buy-in. With only his, he may be old enough to seek care on his own. The question is payment (I have no idea how healthcare works for you), consent (and age), and logistics like getting to appointments and parents worrying about where he disappears to every Tuesday afternoon.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "g55306n"}, {"question": "should i take the ambien that my doctor has perscribed me ?", "description": "​\n\n20M \n\nheight=175CM\n\nweight=75kg\n\nnot a smoker nor a drinker /exercise regularly / no chronic illness or allergies\n\nas I went to treat my 1-year long insomnia, the psychiatrist that I went to prescribed me to have 10mg Ambien for a month & after doing a little bit of research i feel very hesitant to do so\n\nso should i just ignore the internet fuss & go on with it ?", "answer": "Well only if you want to! It has no value long term, but if you think it could break the cycle in your disturbed sleep then by all means.\n\nhttps://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-to-get-to-sleep/", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "daxcqf", "comment_id": "f1w5wj5"}, {"question": "What would make you think a patient is going to harm himself?", "description": "I have suicidal thoughts I would like to discuss with a therapist but I do not want to be involuntarily committed to a mental hospital, any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Most clinicians use judgment based on intent, capability, desire and buffers. Some clinicians may be required to use an assessment tool like the CSSR-S which helps determine severity. All people trained to address suicide look for the persons ability to concretely develop a safety plan and cooperatively protect their own safety. \n\nSome clinicians may not have as much experience to trust their gut and their training to allow a person to remain in their community. Some clinicians are overly anxious about the risk of suicide. Others may have policies within their practice that require an assessment by a crisis team. What might be helpful is to ask your therapist what rules, approaches and procedures they follow when a client expresses thoughts of suicide and emphasize that you, like all other clients, need information about how they work to feel safe.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ebkp7u", "comment_id": "fb7awun"}, {"question": "In/after a hobby/activity, is it weird to ask people how they are and find out what's going on in their lives?", "description": "I want to get to know people.\n\nI have hobbies, but I tend to only talk about the hobby.\n\nIs it strange if I ask people what's going on in their lives?\n\nWhat are their dreams, ambitions, wishes. What made them happy. What made them think...\n\nI just don't want to touch on any sensitive spots. I know I have a few events lately that hurt me a lot that I don't want to think about right now.", "answer": "Nope.  Not at all.  That's how you turn acquaintances into friends.  Just try not to go too fast all at once or they'll feel like they're being interrogated.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97910m", "comment_id": "e46jps4"}, {"question": "Just had a panic attack in my boardroom mid meeting, looking for some help", "description": "Hey All, I could use some help. So I 'm a mess, and I could use some help. So, I'm 26 years old, and I've been suffering from anxiety for the past few months. I'm a bigger guy, and I had my first anxiety attack after eating some edibles.  I had a bad trip, and was convinced I was having a heart attack. Ever since then, I've been a slave to my anxiety. \n\nAny little pain or discomfort in my chest, and I have a panic attack. I can't sleep, and have been to the doctors office several times. Today, I had a panic attack while in a boardroom meeting at work. \n\nMy house was just broken into a week ago, and while before my panic was confined to night, now it comes during the day. My anxiety left home, and is attacking me at work, and I need to do whatever I can do to wrestle it down. I'm opened minded to any tips or advice you guys have, and thank you for taking the time to hear me out.", "answer": "Is therapy an option? It could be very helpful. \n\nAnti-anxiety meds may also be helpful, but might be more effective if you are also in therapy.  A doctor may also be more willing to prescribe anxiety meds to someone who has at least tried therapy. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4pdd6w", "comment_id": "d4k0u2p"}, {"question": "Is it normal to have to seek out mental therapy while in an academic program?", "description": "I am in a 1 year accelerated post bacc medical program. We have an exam every friday, 1-2 exams on monday a month. We meet to discuss cases (that don't really help the students learn the material IMO) We have work for a managerial class as well as must study for another class that ties the information we are learning together. I've reached out to teachers when I struggling (upon their own advice) just to get wishy washy advice/anwers/belittled/brushed off etc.\n\nI have gotten to the point where I'm up all day worrying and studying yet at night, I can't sleep. I take 3 melatonin to get to sleep which I've never had a problem with before. My skin is bumpy and filled with lines and bags under my eyes. At least 5 of the students out of 12 in my program are reaching out to get mental help.\n\nI understand I signed up for this program but myself and many of my classmates did not expect for this to be as intense as it has. Many of my classmates have turned to therapy/psychotropic drugs whenever they can to keep from taking drastic measures upon themselves due to the rigor of this program.\n\nIs this normal?", "answer": "Absolutely normal IMO. School can be really stressful especially after undergrad. It\u2019s a whole new level of things. The lack of sleep, poor eating habits, stress etc that come with student life are hell on your body and mental state. Nothing abnormal about it, it\u2019s just sadly part of academia. Hang in there and go seek out a good therapist if you feel the need. :)\n\nEdit: it\u2019s also really common for schools to have a mental health clinic that is free or low cost for students.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "fgolkw", "comment_id": "fk6mtge"}, {"question": "Confrontation", "description": "I am a 28 year old female who has been with my bf for 3 years.\n\nToday after constantly noticing that my partners cousin is always rude to me I confronted her. I visited him and she was there. \n\nExamples of her being rude in a nutshell: she ignores my questions and when I try to make conversation with her she ignores me completely. She refuses to engage in conversation with me. \n\nit went like this:\nMe: hello ..after she didn't say hi to me and wouldn't get up from the couch ( she didn't want to acknowledge me and I walk  into the living room to say hi... trying to be the better person) \nHer: hi( in a rude way) and turned her back to me\nMe: you seem mad, did I do something to you?\nHer: I already said hi to you\nMe: yes but every time I come you are really rude to me\nHer: okay ? I have only seen you 2 times here you're exaggerating (lie: it's been like 2-3 times per week that she's there)\nMe: (ignoring her statement), well you act like you're jealous of me being here or my presence bothers you\nHer: me jealous of you? (Looking at me up and down trying to put me down) , why would I be jealous of you ? I have nothing to be jealous of you \nMe: I don't understand why you're so rude then. If I ever did something to you let me know so that I can apologize \nHer: I'll tell you to your face when you do something to me ( rude voice)\nMe: I'm leaving ( Frustrated) \n\nWhy is she always so rude ? advice as to how to handle this?", "answer": "Doesn't matter why, one of you should not be on the other's couch. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyw4z", "comment_id": "di6elc7"}, {"question": "Getting back with an ex - can we ever change our patterns?", "description": "I do not currently have a therapist whose advice I trust, and I don't know anyone in a healthy marriage or relationship that I would want to replicate. \n\nI broke up with my fiance 3 years ago. We had lived together for 2 years, and been together for 4.  We had a lot of problems that, I think, stemmed from our inability to communicate clearly and honestly, and (on his part) to receive that communication without feeling attacked and to consider my feelings to be as valid as his own. We went to 2 different therapists, neither of which we found helpful.  For 18 months after we broke up, we did not have any contact. One day he texted me, and we talked off and on for about a year.  We were doing a pretty good job of being friends. Then, in July of last year, I felt like I had some unresolved feelings. We talked, but decided not to get back together. We fell into a pattern of texting each other most of every day, and I felt my feelings becoming stronger. We saw each other at the beginning of this year and I felt very strongly for him.  We talked about the way we still felt about each other and why we hadn't been able to make it work. We decided we would keep talking and see if we could resolve our issues. \n\nHe has told me he is willing to give in some areas that I cannot compromise on, and so far I have felt heard and validated and like he is truly working to meet my needs. For my part, I am trying to be understanding, open minded, and flexible.\n\nTonight we had a very difficult discussion, and I am very concerned that we just don't communicate or think the same way, and that this might be an unresolvable issue. I feel like we are not clearly receiving the communication the other one says they are trying to send, and are instead getting other signals that were not intended.  I also feel that he is not giving me direct answers to questions that I think only need a yes or no, but is instead splitting hairs and reframing the issue so that he doesn't have to give a direct answer.  We are both frustrated right now, and I'm afraid to get any more involved if I could potentially end up as hurt as I did before. \n\nThere are obviously many more details I could go into if asked, or on a DM.  Essentially, I am wondering how hard one should have to fight for a relationship. I have heard many varying opinions from many sources, but, as I said, I do not have someone objective I can trust or someone in a healthy relationship I can emulate.  I have heard that all couples have problems and dysfunctions that cannot be resolved, but I don't know what is an acceptable level of dysfunction.  I have heard that you should never try to get back together with an ex, but after 3 years, with both of us having seemingly reflected on what we did wrong and what we could do better, is this a hard and fast rule?  I know every relationship is different, and no one can truly tell me what to do, but I would appreciate any clarity or guidance or similar experiences.\n\nFor context, because of various circumstances, my likelihood of finding another partner is much lower than the average person. So this is less a question of, can I find someone more compatible?, and more of, am I better off alone? \n\nThank you for any guidance you can provide.", "answer": "There's no one answer that's going to work for everyone in this type of situation.  \n\n\nHere's a couple of things to consider.  Relationships should not feel like really hard work in the very beginning.  If they do, that's a HUGE red flag.  All relationships take work to maintain and have them be healthy, but there's generally a honeymoon period in the beginning where it doesn't feel like this.  \n\nI'd argue that it should even be the case upon reconnecting 3 years later.  \n\n\nOngoing relationships/marriage is hard work in order to maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals are happy and not resentful towards the other, but if the work and stress often outweighs the positives that you're getting or that this is the case for too long, it's not worth it in the long run.\n\n\nCan you find someone more compatible?  Of course you can.  There's billions of people in the world.  You can always find someone more compatible.  Are you better off alone?  Well... see the other question I asked.  Does the stress of this relationship outweigh the joy you get from it?  Then... yes... you're probably better off alone right now.  \n\n\nLastly, you said you both reflected over the last 3 years of what went wrong.  Have either of you done any extensive individual therapy?  You said it was so bad that you tried two couple's therapists.  If the both of you haven't done extensive work individually, it isn't very likely that much will have changed from the way things were before.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ez4yyc", "comment_id": "fgm6pya"}, {"question": "Can a verbally abusive partner heal?", "description": "What did they do to heal? About how long did it take? \n\nIf that partner was/is you, do you have any resources or advice to share?", "answer": "Does your partner recognize they are abusive? Or do they say they do and give you all the apologies and \u201cI only did x because you did y\u201d this isn\u2019t taking responsibility and this is continuing the abuse.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejjeq0", "comment_id": "fcyntyi"}, {"question": "Please. What do I do when I can't understand the accent of tech support.", "description": "Please PLEASE don't just shit on me for this. I've had to make so many throwaway account and hop to so many different subreddits. Six times now I have asked just this simple question with NO EXTRA DETAILS OR ANYTHING ADDED until this post here. Six times I have been shat on by moderators and posters alike, and sometimes this simple question isn't even allowed to make it to the new post section. I don't get what is so bad about this!\n\n\"What do I do when I cannot understand the accent of Tech Support, or anyone else on the phone?\"\n\nThat has been my question. I got called a racist for that. Some mod with a crazy \"drinks white tears\" tag gave me some passive aggressive \"try cleaning the privilege out of your ears and listening\" response before deleting my post.\n\nI'm so confused. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want to talk on the phone without fear of some awkward conversation anymore.", "answer": "What if you said something like, \"I'm sorry, our connection is not very good. Do you mind repeating that so I can understand it better/Do you mind slowing down so I can hear you better?\" Saves face because you're not complaining about their accent, but still means they will speak more clearly and be easier to understand.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "63x1bv", "comment_id": "dfxr3so"}, {"question": "I know I need a therapist but I have had nothing but bad experiences with them and can\u2019t bring myself to seek out help from them or anyone", "description": "Title is really a TLDR. I am aware that I do need to speak to someone that isn\u2019t a friend or family member but it\u2019s so fucking difficult to find someone like that without having to shell out a fuck tonne of money for the person. Especially since I don\u2019t trust them.\n\nWhen I was younger I had to go and see a therapist and I\u2019ve never felt so alienated and uncared for. My parents didn\u2019t know how to cope (puberty kicked in when my depression started) and the school counsellor just referred me to a local therapist. I genuinely believed it would help me and my family but I hated it so much. It was a large room that was more or less empty and the wall were gray. The therapist sat at the opposite side of the room from me and wouldn\u2019t let me focus on happy memories. He had a clipboard and wrote down things on it, and would always be checking his watch. The second our session ended he would almost rush me out the door. And I never knew how to talk to my parents about it. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life that did not have any positive gain from it.\n\nI convinced myself to see a therapist again in 2014 but she didn\u2019t agree with my religious beliefs and more or less stated that if I \u201cstopped listening to all that\u201d (as in stop being religious) and it was nearly always a focal point of our sessions despite me rarely bringing it up.\n\nEarlier this year I gave it one last shot and holy shit I\u2019ve never been so patronised in my life. Spoke to me like I was going to break easier than a soaking A4 page. I ceased sessions before they kicked off.\n\nNow I\u2019m at the point in my life where I really do need to talk about issues in my life and in my head, but I can\u2019t to my parents because they\u2019ve never been able to cope/understand my mental health struggles and now won\u2019t be any different, and I don\u2019t want to mention it to my friends because I feel like they\u2019re gonna just disregard me.\n\nI\u2019m basically a broke, suicidal love-deprived man who is trying to make some real good changes to my life but my heart and mind are broken. \n\nI really don\u2019t know how long I can continue pretending that I don\u2019t cry everyday and that I just want some loving contact and some stability in my life. \n\nI honestly feel like a permanent sleep is the only solution. This life is gonna be one hard slog.", "answer": "Please get help. It takes time to find the right fit for a therapist but when you find them it will work. Therapy produces amazing change but just like people you aren\u2019t gonna mesh with everyone. There are good people out there who want to help and you deserve a life free from suffering. Don\u2019t give up. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d5m29", "comment_id": "dpv7eez"}, {"question": "Dissociation is fucking terrifying and I hate it.", "description": "As a sub question: do y'all find that substances cause/aggravate dissociation? I took some Adderall last Friday and was up until 5 am then woke up at 2 and took some more. After coming down, the last couple days have been really awful. It was stupid of me to take it, I know, and I was trying to use it to get some stuff done (as its helped me in the past but I am not prescribed it) but it absolutely backfired and now my anxiety is through the roof. \n\nDissociation is the most frightening thing to me. I feel like I'm trapped in my mind and I can barely function because everything seems surreal and like I'm just going through the motions. I feel numb, sort of, but my anxiety goes through the roof and I start to panic. I've heard others say that they like the numbness but I hate it hate it hate it. I feel depressed and isolated and scared. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one ", "answer": "One thing I've learned that I'm not sure if it's just me or others, but stimulants DO NOT Work for me. They make me feel crazy and intense and anxious, so perhaps that was it. I only smoke weed now, which has been amazing at calming my intrusive thoughts", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3mt1x8", "comment_id": "cvi0os3"}, {"question": "Mental Health Care in the US is Fucked", "description": "I have been dealing with anxiety for years. Recently, it has become debilitating and affects my daily life. I can barely eat and every time I think about leaving the house I start to panic. \n\nI've been telling myself I need to get into therapy. And finally after only being able to eat two bites of food and having a terrible panic attack, I decided that was the last straw. I was ready to bite the bullet and find a therapist. \n\nAfter a few phone calls I came to find that the majority of counselors in my city are not accepting new patients, or don't take my insurance. So after a 30 minute hold I finally got to speak to my insurance agent who told me there is ONE FUCKING PROVIDER covered in my city.\n \nAll of my insurance company in a major US city is covered by one lady!? Her voicemail told me she was not accepting new patients either (of course). Then I thought... \"Fuck it. My mental health is important, I'll go out of network and pay out the ass.\" So I start googling away.\n\nI have called 15 numbers. I kid you not, 15 numbers. I have not spoken to a single human. And 10 of those voicemails told me they were not accepting new patients. \nAnd this is all while trying to deal with anxiety--which makes even the thought of making all these calls terrifying as it is!\n\nHow does anyone do this!? I'm trying to keep afloat and I'm barely treading water.", "answer": "I'm sorry for my profession, but know that these counselors and therapists are not trying to avoid you but are overwhelmed. We take on as much as we can to the point where we struggle to find time to care for ourselves. \n\nI hope that you can find someone who is available. Also be weary of eTherapy.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "4fkegs", "comment_id": "d29lcu9"}, {"question": "Zyprexa (olanzapine) for anxiety", "description": "Lately I've been having more trouble controlling my anxieties and mood. My psychiatrist prescribed me Zyprexa. Mind you; I am not taking this on a daily base and I am not supposed to. The purpose of the Zyprexa is to help me calm down when I have a panic attack or am about to harm myself.\n\nSo I have been feeling restless for many hours now, and I decided I want to give it a try. I have taken Zyprexa before, but this was months ago and I can remember little of it.\n\nI read a lot about Zyprexa being heavily sedating and knocking you out for an entire day even two... Which is exactly what I do not want to happen right now.\n\nWhat would be a safe starting dosage to try? I have 10 mg tablets but looking through other topics, it seems as if this would just make me fall asleep, when I just want my thoughts to calm down a bit without turning into zombie mode making me unable to do anything for the rest of the day...", "answer": "Your psychiatrist prescribed you a safe dosage. You should take it as they prescribed, rather than following the advice of random people on the Internet. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5nwu01", "comment_id": "dcf08uj"}, {"question": "Attachments to people", "description": "Hey guys, I just wanted to post and connect with other people who have trouble detaching from others especially once you've gotten to know someone, even a little. I find it really hard to just date because of my attachment with others and when someone starts to lose interest it can feel like a mania type state of misery. Does anyone have any personal techniques or ways to detach from others healthily?\n\nPersonally I try mindfulness and meditating but I've been slack on that lately, and theres gotta be other ways for not working on this.", "answer": "Attachment issues are usually rooted deep, so they're hard patterns to change. Ever tried therapy? A good therapist can help you examine your patterns and guide you toward making the changes you'd like to see. \n\n[Lots of good books about the science of attachment, if you're interested.](https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=vCh9fXUiUjwC&source=productsearch&utm_source=HA_Desktop_US&utm_medium=SEM&utm_campaign=PLA&pcampaignid=MKTAD0930BO1&gl=US&gclid=CKL-7cWYysoCFQa2fgodmSsKLw&gclsrc=ds)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "42ukls", "comment_id": "czdu2y6"}, {"question": "What type of therapy to recover from recurrent childhood trauma?", "description": "I [have read](http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Treating_Adult_Survivors_Childhood_Emotional_Abuse_Neglect_G0003.pdf) that common types of therapy for trauma, like CBT or CPT, are mostly designed to treat PTSD stemming from one (or multiple) traumatic incidents. But what about complex non-PTSD trauma? \n\nWhat type of therapy would be best for an adult seeking to recover from complex, recurring emotional trauma that occurred throughout childhood? The article linked above talks about component-based psychotherapy, which looks promising but seems to be somewhat new and may not be easy to find (located in Brussels, Belgium). \n\nAny advice or suggestions are welcome.", "answer": "It would depend partially on how the trauma is manifesting itself presently. If not presenting as PTSD/PTSD-like, then how? That changes what types of treatments may be recommended or effective.\n\nI'm assuming you are in the US. If so, seeking out a provider with the Clinical Certified Trauma Professional (CCTP) might be a good start.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "ew6zh8", "comment_id": "fg02i2v"}, {"question": "What are 10 questions I can ask the BOY I'm dating to promote a deeper level of disclosure?", "description": "I have been dating a boy for the past 2 months, I am looking to start getting into a deeper level of self disclosure with her. In my mind it seems easy but when i try and think of questions to ask to start deeper conversations I get hung up. Does anyone have any ideas on 10 to 20 questions I can ask? Seeing them in written form might help jump start my mind! thanks", "answer": "i think most couples disclose too much and too deeply,  too fast.\nplease be more specific about the depths you're trying to reach.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pu9zs", "comment_id": "dctz20t"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel anger towards themselves for showing emotion?", "description": "Especially in front of other individuals? Like it somehow makes you vulnerable, or you've let yourself down in some sense. As if in some way, you've failed to keep some unspoken promise to yourself?", "answer": "In my family as a kid the only safe emotion to show was anger. One time I was in the car with my family and I was feeling very hurt and frustrated because some friends at school were causing some drama that resulted in me feeling like they didn\u2019t care about me. I wasn\u2019t saying anything about it of course but it was brewing up inside of me. One of my parents asked me a question and it caused me to start to yell about how this person or that person sucked. And then, accidentally, I started to cry and my anger turned to sadness and I started saying how I felt like none of my friends liked me or cared about me and I\u2019m not good enough for them. I cried about how I felt like I didn\u2019t have any \u201creal\u201d friends. No one responded. Just silence. \n\nA few days later I was about to leave the house to hang out with some people and my brother goes \u201cwhere are you going? Remember, you don\u2019t have any friends! *snicker/evil grin*\u201d \n\nLet a primary emotion slip out and my family never let you forget it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80kbjf", "comment_id": "duwpdxu"}, {"question": "Girlfriend moving in. How do I make her feel at home", "description": "My 24 year old girlfriend is moving in with me in December. She's moving a few states away from her family and I want to be sure she feels at home. What are some things I can get to help her feel like she's at home? She's moving over 300 miles away from her family so I just want her to be as comfortable as possible. Some of her interests include:\n\nCoffee\nTea\nHomeopathic medicine \nOrganic foods and veganism\nMermaids\nDisney\nMakeup (she's REALLY in to makeup)\nSchool (will have an associates in health sciences when she moves here and will pursue a bachelors next year)\nHer family\n\nSome ideas I had were framed pictures of her and her family (I'll text her mom to get them), a mermaid inspired bathroom (thanks to Pinterest and etsy), a diy vanity, a nice sleepwear gift set, a Lush gift set, a desk and office area where she can focus on school", "answer": "1 bedroom, 2 bedroom?\n\nIt's y'all's place now, so if you can set your default answer to \"yes\" unless you have to say no, I'm sure you'll sort it out. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wole5", "comment_id": "dm9ls8g"}, {"question": "no should be okay to say", "description": "My boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year. Im the type of person who does not really care if we dont do anything sexual. i like to cuddle or watch a movie or just sit next to each other and not worry about anything sexual. unlike him he wants it all the time everytime i come over he has to have it and everytime we try to watch a movie he gets bored and wants it. i tell him no and he cries about it and complains how he does not think he is good enough for me always making it about himself. i wish i could say no without being pressured to always say yes when the time comes. i dont understand what is so wrong with saying no and he wont give me a good reason. i just want to be loved with out any sex involved i know that sounds impossible for a man but if he was mature enough and see the more he pushes away from me and keeps wanting his way is gonna break us apart.", "answer": "Nobody is \"right\" here as other people have mentioned. He obviously has a higher libido than you. If you guys are going to make it, you will have to compromise here. You will have to have sex more than you want to and he will have to low down a bit. The key is to talk about the frequency of sex that is reasonable per week. Maybe you both decide that sex 4 times a week is enough.  Then when he is \"rejected\" for the 5th time, he can remember the agreement and depersonalize it. Understand that for men, rejection from sex is deep. It is about his worth, even if you don't think it should be. Also, how are you rejecting him? Eye rolling, etc? Talk to him about the importance for a woman to say no without pressure. Overtime, this makes sex something you have to do.it becomes a chore. An obligation and no longer a beautiful act of intimacy. Ask him to come up with a way for you to say no that he will agree to. You may actually be hurting his feelings. Also, he has a right to have hurt feelings. You are not necessarily responsible for them.  He may also be overly sensitive or be a victim of abuse which changes things, but at least start there. Sometimes men need to walk away after being rejected. Let them. It becomes your job to depersonalize his feelings. Sex in relationships has to be negotiated like everything else and you are BOTH playing a role. ", "topic": "sad", "post_id": "66ltxm", "comment_id": "dgk1syb"}, {"question": "I really just want to hear something nice or inspirational.\n", "description": "I'm just having a bad night after a bad week in what's been the worst year of my life so far. I'm still pretty young, so I'd think it'd be a waste to do anything to myself right now. I really don't know where to go. Someone just give me some words of encouragement please.\n\nEDIT: Thank you all so much. It means so much to me just to see that someone cares about me. Even if you people are just strangers. I'm feeling a little better. Just sitting back and watching the lecture posted by Rainnthunder. I'm gonna be okay. :)", "answer": "[Last Lecture](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo)\n\nGo. Watch this. It's an hour and some change, by a man named Randy Pausch who had terminal brain cancer and is performing his \"last lecture\" at Carnegie Mellon. He is funny, inspiring, hopeful and makes me glad I'm alive, because that means I still have a chance to make my dreams come true. I hope this helps you, too...", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "rvvbo", "comment_id": "c4940lj"}, {"question": "So I started hurting myself tonight...", "description": "I did not cut myself with a blade to the point of bleeding too much. \nI started to scratch my arm to the point where some blood with come out. \nI have to say it feels like I am on ecstasy or something, it feels amazing. It takes away all of the pain from the world and feels amazing.\n\nI don't get why people say this is a bad thing. I feel amazing. ", "answer": "People say the same thing about cocaine and heroin. Yeah- it feels awesome the first few times, but then you find yourself chasing that high instead of enjoying it and it becomes a spiral. Not to mention disfiguring your body and having to hide certain areas all the time.\n\nThere are better ways to cope that aren't addictive or harmful", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "spb9x", "comment_id": "c4gacep"}, {"question": "Finally facing this .....", "description": "Hello!\n\nSo I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over a year ago. You would think that I would have been happy to have an explination for the weigh gain, hair growth in weird places, missing periods, etc. I thought I was fine with having an expliantion. I took my perscription for the BCP and Metformin, and left the doctors office. I proceeded to read about PCOS and think \"Wow! Finally an explination.\" Then I proceeded to do nothing. \n\nSo as I said, its over a year later. I think I am finally ready to try to take control of this. My weight is out of control and I am uncomfortable. I am sick of the waxing appointments to deal with the hair growth. I just want to feel better. \n\nSo I have decided to follow the keto diet, and it has been about 4 weeks. I have not been perfect on it. I have cheated on the diet, and I still crave carbs. I have lost 21 pounds. Some of that weight loss may be the extreme work stress I have been under. \n\nNext steps are to start taking my perscriptions, and to start exercising. ", "answer": "Good job! Keep us posted on your progress. It's really hard to take initiative and 21 pounds is a great accomplishment. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3jv0yq", "comment_id": "cusmxkg"}, {"question": "Is my liver f*cked?", "description": "Hi.\n\nI'm [24F/5'6''/103lbs] worried about my health and thought to ask you guys if this could be a potential danger.\n\nSo. 3 years ago I was in a sh*thole, I was depressed and vulnerable, and I was a bit chubby. I was raised on sugary foods and fast foods, which I was tired of, so I started to diet hard. I stopped all carbs and anything remotely \"unhealthy\". All whole foods, and mostly veggies. I fasted a lot (basically starved myself) and I think I developed an eating disorder since I was restricting myself so bad. I lost 40-50 lbs and was 94 lbs at one point, until I finally realised my fault after about 1.5ish years.\n\nDuring this period, my body was rioting. I was having constant diarrheas and/or yellowish stool. I felt tired and had no appetite, my skin was getting dry and almost yellowish in color.\n\nI finally turned around after a couple of months and almost recovered, gaining about 10lbs. Now I'm slowly gaining weight with a varied diet and enjoying food again, but I'm scared I have fucked my liver.\n\nI, sometimes, have digestive issues, as well as bloated stomach very often after eating and I am basically never hungry. I also have superdry skin, being prone to eczema. 2 times since \"recovery\", I've had an immense pain in my upper right side of abdomen, not being constipated. I also sometimes want to vomit when eating a lot of certain foods. \n\nIs this anything to worry about? Could it be anything else? What should I check up on? (I have a doctors meeting tomorrow)\n", "answer": "The liver is remarkably good at regenerating, but it's possible to damage it irreversibly.\n\nYou should tell your doctor the same thing. He or she will probably want to check some labs, maybe some imaging. What you're describing could also be a gall bladder problem, or both. Or neither!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4w9t", "comment_id": "dxsh1y9"}, {"question": "40M - Water smells terrible", "description": "40 M, 5' 8\", 225 lbs, non-smoker, no major issues.\n\nI have this thing where water smells terrible. Tap, bottled, filtered, any kind. But usually when I\u2019m drinking it. There doesn\u2019t seem to be any pattern or triggering event for it. I could be drinking a glass of water and it smells fine. I come back to it and it has that smell. Or it could be some random container of water and it has the smell right off the bat. I\u2019ve asked others to smell the water to confirm and they say it smells fine and I\u2019m a weirdo. The smell is like dead fish in a lake. Kinda swampy. That\u2019s the best I can describe it. It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\n\nIs this normal? A neurological symptom? Am I having a 20 year long stroke?", "answer": "This is not really a physician comment, but I have the same experience. I\u2019ve done some digging and the best I can find is that it may be due to detergent used in cleaning glassware. Or due to contaminants in water. It\u2019s maybe one of those things that some people are genetically more able to pick up whatever odor it is.\n\nI don\u2019t have any more useful advice, unfortunately.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxjkvu", "comment_id": "eyls8o4"}, {"question": "I finally treated myself! (NSFW)", "description": "Throwaway account because my other one is for business and my other other one is tied to who I am.\n\nContext: I\u2019m a MTF transgender gal still living with my parents (I\u2019m a student and run my own online business part time), I\u2019ve been on hormones for just over a year now but I still don\u2019t present female frequently. I\u2019ve struggled with severe anxiety all my life and have been in counseling for it somewhere around ~10 years now - it\u2019s better now, but I still get really bad social anxiety when shopping (I\u2019m often checked/followed by loss prevention and security since I\u2019m visibly anxious).\n\nWith that over with, let\u2019s begin the story:\n\nI\u2019ve been cooped up in my house all week and decided to head to the local mall to get out for a bit. My morning was already pretty filled with anxiety (got woken up by being yelled at, fun...), so I was already kinda shaky and on edge. I get to the mall, I walk around, I sit at a coffee shop and check my phone. I search through my texts with my ex-girlfriend/close friend and realized that the other night, we were talking about sex toys at 3am. She struggles with anxiety on par with mine, so neither of us had bought any in person or even ordered online.\n\nSomething just came (hah, *came*, get it?) over me and made me wanna take that anxiety head on and show it to myself that not only can I go shopping and survive checking out and people trying to assist me, I can buy the most embarrassing thing I want - a little pocket vibrator from Spencer\u2019s - and be just fine. With that, I set out on a mission.\n\nAfter a failed attempt (I ended up buying a pride bumper magnet - not complaining), I came back to the store, grabbed the pocket vibrator and plopped it down on the counter. The cashier couldn\u2019t care less, I survived, and I walked out with a vibrator!\n\nIt\u2019s silly and it\u2019s not that big of an achievement (I think), but god damnit that little thing is my trophy for telling my anxiety to fuck off today, and I couldn\u2019t be prouder.\n\nSorry for the ramble, I just needed to share this!!", "answer": "And!! You get a reward for your valor! Treat yoself!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "c7n82h", "comment_id": "esgfh4a"}, {"question": "I'm a worthless piece of shit and I deserve to die.", "description": "The crux of this message is I want someone to talk to me. I'm having a very, very difficult time dealing with life right now.\n\nI guess I'm more inwardly hateful toward myself right now than I am empty and depressed. I've been there before. I know what that is like. I've been on Wellbutrin and through the ringer of therapists and other psychological parades.\n\nRight now I just wish I was dead because I can't stand the person that I am. I hate myself. I'm a bad human being. I've done bad things. I can't live with the guilt of the bad thing I've done.\n\nI'm not a murderer, or a rapist. I've never done things to physically harm others. But my lack of awareness and general misunderstanding of basic human conditions has lead me to places of deeply scarring or emotionally damaging others and I hate myself for it. I don't feel much animosity toward anyone.\n\nI get angry sometimes. I'm angry right now. About something that I don't feel like I have the right to be angry about, which just makes me feel more guilty. \n\nI type very fast, which is good. I'm able to get my thoughts out almost as quick as they come, despite the fact that I'm a little tipsy right now.\n\nI have everything I could want, apart from any satisfying relationship with anyone, least of all myself. I just spend so much time feeling guilty about everything and hating myself for things I've done that I don't have the energy to actually try to make new friends. \n\nI have a great job, one that I really love. I wish all of my life was just my job and I could release everything else in my life and only have my work. I love my work, and I do good work. \n\nBut real life is real. I'm still a sack of shit when I get off the clock. \n\nI want to castrate myself. I want to not have sexual urges. I've actually looked into chemical castration, but all the processes that are available are detrimental in other ways. \n\nI'm really, really, really, really, really fucked up. How does no one I work with or live with or see know how fucking fucked up I am? I'm a walking disaster area who's somehow able to convince people I'm okay. \n\nI need to be put down. It would be best if I died of some disease unexpectedly overnight. \n\nThat's all. Please like send me a message or something telling me at least part of this sounds familiar and that it got better for you. I'm having serious problems right now. And there aren't any reliable suicide methods I can find.", "answer": "You have a good job that you love, so you have a hand up on 99% of the people out there! I know that is small comfort, but something to think about. \n\nWhat have you done to emotionally scar others? I am just curious, because depressed people  tend to catastrophise and feel guilty for things that are not their fault. For example, I felt like shit after breaking up with a bipolar girl some years ago. Looking back, I can see that, even though she treated me good 50% of the time, the rest of the time I was being verbally and emotionally abused. So what I did was for the best.\n\nAs for the castration, I don't know what to tell you there. Are you having urges to hurt others? If not, what sort of urges do you have that would make you want to hurt yourself in such a way?", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3f4vvf", "comment_id": "ctlq68u"}, {"question": "What were your supervised hours like as an intern?", "description": "I'm really think that much of the training a mental health professional does is shrouded in mystery and that this lack of information is really harmful to clients.  Specifically, I would like to know what were your supervised hours like.\n\nHow many hours of supervised hours did you need to complete to get your license?\nWhat was the supervision like?\nHow much did you meet with your supervising clinician?\nWhat did you talk about?  How much did you talk about each client?  Was it like 5 minutes per person per week?  More?  How an active of a role did the supervisor take in each case?\n\nI realize that it might be different for those of you who were working with serious cases in clinics or hospitals.  But I'm specifically interested in those who worked at an average private practice.", "answer": "This varies by region and program. \n\nI had about 1500 supervised hours as a practicum student with 150ish hours of supervision.  My internship was 2000 hours , with 1 hour of group sup every week , 2 hours of didactics and 2 hours of individual sup. Then,  2000 hours of post doc with 2 hours of sup a week.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqi0z3", "comment_id": "fxysapp"}, {"question": "Hanging out with a girl and Xanax", "description": "So I've recently been hanging with this girl I like and I'm pretty sure she likes me too. I hung out with her for about 7 hours one time at her house and we did nothing. I cannot work up the courage to kiss her because of my anxiety. This has happened in the past of course and that's also how I ruined my relationship with another girl before. My question is would it be fine if I just took and 1mg Xanax before I hang out with her to help me get past this or is there any advice someone can give me to help without having any Xanax. I really like her and I don't wanna mess this up so I'm willing to try anything. This is also not a prescription and I've never kissed a girl before so that doesn't help. Any advice would be great thanks ", "answer": "Have you taken 1mg before? Because that amount would seriously fuck me up and then put me to sleep, especially if I wasn't regularly taking/had worked up to that amount. And you will come off as worse if you end up drugged like that in front of this girl. \n\nI agree with the other posters -- don't drug yourself with benzos that you don't have an rx or actual need for just because you're nervous about kissing a girl. We've all been there. It's scary and nerve wracking and that is just part of the experience and the excitement when you finally do kiss her. That nervous energy turns into excitement and electricity when you touch her and kiss her. It won't be as good, in the moment or in retrospect, if you drug yourself and numb out your feelings and emotions in order to kiss her -- you miss out on a lot of the excitement and sensation that is fed by your nervous energy. \n\nMaybe it'll help to come up with a plan beforehand so you're not trying to improv in the moment when you're nervous. when the \"plan\" gets set in motion, you have some momentum and are less likely to pull back; just take it one step at a time. Maybe when there's a lull in conversation or a boring part of a movie, take a deep breath and try to relax, put your hand on her knee, look into her eyes for a few moments, ask her \"can I kiss you?\" And then do it. Dont come up wiith a plan with too many steps. You don't even need to follow the plan you make, but it might feel good to have one and maybe you will end up following it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "4e1chd", "comment_id": "d1w9qlr"}, {"question": "Girlfriend committed suicide tonight.. I might too.", "description": "She left nothing but a body. She seemed so happy today when we were together. She showed no signs of anything. I love her. I can't live without her. I may be next.\n\nEdit; it's March 12th, 4:50pm. I'm still here. I'm doing a bit better. Planning on seeing a therapist soon. ", "answer": "It's an awful thing, what she did. She left you to be wallowing in pain. Don't commit suicide because I know she'd want you to be happy. I understand the feelings of wanting to die because someone left you though, but you'll be okay, I promise. <3", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1a2eco", "comment_id": "c8th2ul"}, {"question": "what the hell just happened? I was numb for a good 2 hours, trigger warning.", "description": "i have a history with depression and anxity.\nive had a particularly hard day, i recently went through a traumatic event and today some one hurt me emotionaly, in a way someone should never get hurt. anyway after i got emotionally hurt its like everything went grey?? like very light and soft, almost dream like. its like i wasnt there. i was like that for a good two hours till i snapped out of it. i even ended up cutting my self cause i felt so numb, and regretably there wil be 3 relitivally small  scars.  anyway, i felt the cuts a little bit, but i put rubbing alchohol and makeup remover and i just felt a slight tingle. it was so strange i couldnt feel any emotion. sorry for my spelling, ive become a person who cant spell without autocorrect.", "answer": "It sounds like you were dissociating, which is a common symptom of trauma. \n\nAre you open to getting into therapy? A therapist could help you to manage this. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "57e9c1", "comment_id": "d8r98mw"}, {"question": "Am I in an unfair relationship or is it just me?", "description": "Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. The main factor that i take into consideration is the child we have together. Hence why i stay.\n\nOver the course of our relationship my girlfriend has done quite a few hypocritic things that are starting to take a toll on my happiness. A few examples.\n\nI am never to go to the local pub with a mate to have a few games of 8ball with no alcohol involved what so ever. Shes allowed to hang out with her lady friends for dinner at the pub on a saturday night.\n\nIm not allowed to message a female double my age at work about rosters or any work related info. Ive caught some guy messaging her and shes been deleting the conversation between them. She assures me there is no funny business or cheating going on.\n\nShes allowed to have a woman from work the rathers the company of other women. I am not.\n\nThings like this have been happening over our relationship and now it starting to take a toll over my hapiness and sanity. Its easier for her to say just leave but my main priority is our child. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE HES BEING ABANDONED..\n\nAny advice would be great and appreciated..", "answer": "she's kind of controlling. see a couples counselor and in 3 months you'll know what do. the most important thing by far for a child is the quality time they spend with each parent, not where each parent happens to be sleeping at night.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ql0b9", "comment_id": "dd060gy"}, {"question": "Drinking excessive amounts of water and frequent urination (+bloodwork)", "description": "Age: 23\nSex: Male\nHeight - 6'2\nWeight - 180 pounds\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration: 10 years\nLocation: Western Europe\nOther medical issues: autism/add\nMedications: none atm\n\nRarely drink alcohol, don't do drugs. Gets worse when I do drink alcohol though. Pretty sure I meet my vitamin/mineral requirements daily. Lots of veggies 2 times a day, fruits, starchy carbs and healthy fats from avocado/peanuts.\n\nI drink lots and lots of water during the day (5+ Liters) and I pee very often (10x). I was never able to nail down where this was coming from. I've had it since my early teens and it doesn't change regardless of my weight/diet/exercise. Regardless if i'm 220 pounds or 175 pounds, eat meat and dairy or a plant based vegan diet or exercise twice a week or six times a week.\n\nWent in for a blood test last week. I was thinking type 2 diabetes or hypothyroidism. My results seem to be within the ranges however.\n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/qzpITtz\n\n", "answer": "What is your question?\n\nYou probably urinate a lot because you drink a lot, so my question is why you drink so much. Are you constantly thirsty? Do you do it because water intake is recommended?\n\nYour labs don\u2019t include sodium, at least in what you\u2019ve posted. It would be nice to see, but nothing that\u2019s there is suggestive of any problem.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5qcec", "comment_id": "ejfb8ly"}, {"question": "My time traveler and my polyamory", "description": "So recently i have finally discovered how to describe my views on relationships. Ive always been friends with alot of women and we usually end up having sex and then years later hook back up casually. A very good friend/lover that means alot to me has recently helped me figure out myself and also believes in polyamory. We have no secrets and are free to love and fuck as we please. There's no jealousy and no control issues. Its amazing and lets us share a very deep and passionate bond without hateful emotions clouding up the relationship like alot of women I tried to dedicate myself to in the past. I have had no problem only sleeping with one person. I am not a cheater. And i treat all my women with respect. I have 2 currently. Soon to be 3 i think. \n\nDuring these last 4 years one girl keeps popping back up and the sex and connection is almost overwhelming on my psyche. I have had issues staying wjth her but at one time I was 100% serious about living the rest of my life with her. Her smile makes my blood warm and my mind blank. The sex is like an ecstasy that couldn't ever be touched by the effect of drugs. Its a natural high like I've never had and ive had great sex with many other girls. \n\nBut this is always different. And i always underestimate it when i agree to meet up with her. \nGood sex? Ok ill be over. Bam! I'm lost in my own head thinking about her. \n\nSounds great right? Well the yin to her yang is That's she's nuts. She's controlling. She's possesive. She's irrational. Shes a bitch. Ungrateful for the little things i would do for her. And just downright hard to handle. Before i began my polyamory i was with her for 3 years off and on. She tore my heart to pieces several times before i would leave her for a few months. And it always ended with me losing myself and spending months trying to put myself back together. Thank god for the first girl i mentioned. She always finds all my pieces and helps me put it back together.  \n\nMy little helper told me she doesnt think its a good idea to see this destructive character again. But she messaged me and asked me to come over, and to keep it just as sex. No relationship. No dating. No meddling in each others lives. Just wants to connect on that intimately cosmic level that we do and not try to keep pushing our boulder of a dating relationship up a hill to destroy us over and over.  So against my helpers advice, I went, I underestimated, and it was amazing as always. I wanted to prove to myself that i can handle this type of love. I would not feel like i was in control of myself if i didnt. And that's important to me. \n\nMy head still loves my helper. My head still loves the destroyer. My head still loves another girl outside of these two.  And most importantly my head still loves myself. But My heart and soul connect strongly with both of these girls. \n\nThe advice im seeking is how do i ensure that I keep my head on straight as I tangle with all this love??? I believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. But im scared i will fall into old habits with the destroyer and have to begin rebuilding myself and im tired of taking steps backwards. My family hates her and so do my friends. She hasnt gave them many good reasons to accept her. Honestly she is a shallow human being but I cant help myself and will not lie to myself. I accept her just how she is. And do not want anyone to change for me.  \n\nTldr; im polyamorous and seeing 3 women. One is destructive to my life and well being in the past but I cant deny the love that we feel in and out of the sexual relationship. She just wants to hook up occasionally and im afraid of repeating old behaviors. How do I ensure I maintain clarity while tangling an overwhelming source of love and lust? I want to be fair to my other girls and not betray their love for this one. ", "answer": "How do you maintain clarity in a reality distortion field?  You don't. You avoid the field or you surrender clarity. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bt3ub", "comment_id": "dhpbaq9"}, {"question": "Is there any way I could help her more?", "description": "Hi guys! Hope this is the right place for this. Long story short, my girlfriend of over a year was sexually assaulted by her last serious boyfriend several years ago. She's done an amazing job of recovering, she didn't even know she had a problem until we've started to become more sexual active after moving to college. She's spoken with a therapist and they said she should take baby steps and communicate with me more.  Does anyone in a situation similar to hers know how I could go the extra mile? I'm not interested as much in making her recover faster for selfish reasons, I just want her to feel more comfortable through this because I feel like she's more freaked out than she's letting on.", "answer": "just stay with the baby steps and be your kind self", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zyw6a", "comment_id": "dmz8jdh"}, {"question": "Just started EMDR therapy for Complex-PTSD. Those who have undergone EMDR, these questions are for you...", "description": "-What were you unable to do before treatment that you can do now? \n\n-What specifically has changed in terms of your day-to-day functioning, in your thinking, feeling, behaviors and abilities?\n\n-How quickly (within how many sessions) did you see/feel/experience obvious changes, if any?\n\n-For how long (or how many sessions) did you do EMDR?\n\n-Would/do you recommend EMDR to others?\n\nThanks!", "answer": "I'll leave it to others to describe their experience of EMDR, but from an evidence based point of view, this treatment is one of the better psychological treatments for PTSD, and is recommended where available and appropriate.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "54sl5t", "comment_id": "d84m05s"}, {"question": "I can't stop imagining dying a horribly violent death and it gets more and more vivid. Is there any way to get relief from this?", "description": "Hi.  I saw the top post and just want to add that I do see a therapist weekly.  I will bring this up when I next go but in the meantime its another night of no sleep.  I have been afraid of death for a little while but sort of got over it,in the sense that I am trying to embrace living and overall feel better than I have in my life because I have been sober for quite a while.  Maybe related to sobriety I also just cannot stop imagining dying a violent death and it feels imminent.  When I am in an elevator I wait for it to start crashing down, standing at a window on a high floor I imagine myself falling.  I have to say that it goes further than \"imagining\" because I feel the sensation of falling , my heart rate shoots up and my mouth gets dry.  It is getting more and more frequent, consuming my thoughts against my will.  I do not want to engage in this sort of morbid thinking but I don't know how to control it.  I have been a victim of violence and many of my friend have died even though I am in mid-thirties but the last five years or so of my life have been undoubtedly better than the previous 25 so I am at a loss to understand.\n\nAs I mentioned I took note of the top post and will bring this up with my therapist but would really appreciate it if anyone had any input on this/has experienced anything like it or had patients who did.  It is so exhausting and I'm wondering if there is hope for me to deal with it since it feels so out of my control.  Thank you", "answer": "Definitely speak to your therapist. There are a handful of things that could be causing this and we don\u2019t have enough information here to narrow things down. Good luck to you!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bupzhh", "comment_id": "eph0010"}, {"question": "Just broke through to a student in a way I never thought I would.", "description": "I'm teaching summer school right now and as assumed, a majority of the kids don't wanna be there.  Anyways, I've been able to get through to most of my students except for this one kid.  He's super-quiet (scores well in assessments relative to his class, though) and participates sporadically.  He's not disruptive and he's attentive for the most part, but sometimes he's prone to \"disappearing\", if that makes any sense.\n\nAnyways, he wore this shirt yesterday: \nhttp://www.welovefine.com/849-2002-large/just-got-20-cooler.jpg\n\nI'm not a Brony and I don't really have a strong opinion about their fandom (to each their own) but I knew this was my way in.  Some quick research at /r/mylittlepony and I thought of a way to quickly bond with this student.  \n\nI assigned group work and while I was walking around checking on the groups, I walked up to this kid and put my fist up and said, \"Bro-hoof\".  He gave me a fist bump and I swear his face lit up brighter than even I thought could be possible.  He smiled and ever since then, he's been a model student.  It's so crazy to see how a fist bump (Bro-hoof, if you must) can have just as much importance as all the educational and pedagogical theory I've had to learn to be a teacher.  \n\nLife is funny.  \n\nEDIT:  Thanks for the kind messages and Reddit Gold!! ", "answer": "It's nice to see teachers taking an interest in individual students' performances. You are a great teacher. Keep it up.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1gnxpy", "comment_id": "cam251o"}, {"question": "I took a week off my meds.", "description": "I took a week off. I hadn't been sleeping well and wanted to catch up, and actually eat and see what it was like. I've been medicine compliant for close to a year and wanted to take a break. \n\nIt was awful. I wasn't productive at work, my sleep schedule completely went out the window, and all I managed to do was play mobile games and doodle on innumerable post it notes. I'm glad it was a slow week at work, but I still have so much to catch up on. \n\nI'm never going off my meds again.", "answer": "I am currently in the middle of week 3 with no meds! It's a long story, but I went off mostly because I'm tired of being made to feel like a criminal for taking meds that help me function. And I'm tired of constant med checks for a med that I've taken consistently with no issues for 6 years. And also I guess I like to make impulsive choices, like go off my meds (\\*eye roll\\*).\n\nNever again. I can almost FEEL my brain searching for stimulation.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91i1zd", "comment_id": "e2yk98e"}, {"question": "I [29f] am struggling with relationship please help!", "description": "Long story short-ish...together for 10 years one child and 6 'months before our wedding he decides to leave says he doesn't see us together anymore and he isn't in love with me and doesn't find me physically attractive anymore. I spent months after this hurting so bad I felt like my life was over fortunately I had my daughter that made me wake up eventually and get my act together and focus on myself! Fast forward a year later and I'm casually dating and he finds out I'm on a date and that night confesses he wants to be back together that he made a mistake and he loves me that he was just messed up in the head. I took a little to think it through and thought trying to make things work would be best for our child. Fast forward another year we are together for a year almost and living together. I'm crushed because I don't feel the love that we had before he annoys me often and it feels like we're better off friends but he's freaking out I just need advice what to do I'm stuck ", "answer": "seems like you're ready to move on from this tumultuous situation. be assertive.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bbiql", "comment_id": "dhlaxw9"}, {"question": "Elevated cortisol/pseudo Cushings/Cushings?", "description": "Do any of you have elevated cortisol levels along with PCOS? I was recently diagnosed with pseudo Cushing's (cortisol levels were elevated but not majorly so). I was on prednisone for a stretch of time last summer and went through a host of blood work over the past month. My AM cortisol, 24 hr urine cortisol, and dexamethasone suppression cortisol tests all came back slightly high. My endocrinologist thinks it might be related to PCOS and/or being on birth control, but the only thing she suggested was to try and lose weight and we'll repeat labs in a few months. How are you treating/managing your high cortisol levels? ", "answer": "I had high cortisol levels too... probably just from being in med school. I stopped working out and they completely normalized after that. I don\u2019t think my body is meant to do high-intensity workouts... these days all I do is walk and hike and it\u2019s enough for me :)\nOther things you can do include therapy if you think it could improve how you cope with daily stressors, getting enough sleep, and not skipping meals, all of which also elevate cortisol. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7dhaz3", "comment_id": "dpy1vrq"}, {"question": "Lack of sleep, loss of sex drive, nagging injury, depression.", "description": "Age : 28\n\nSex: M\n\nHeight: 171cm\n\nWeight: 81kg\n\nBodyfat: ~15%\n\nPrimary Complaint: Nightshift worker getting 3-4hours sleep a night. Sex drive has completely gone, injury in leg seems unable to heal after two weeks of physiotherapy. Depression and anger growing at a scary rate.\n\nDuration: Nearly 1 month\n\nExisting Medical issues: None\n\nCurrent Medications: Paracetamol 500mg & Voltaren 25mg for Leg pain. Also take 6mg Melatonin & 400mg magnesium before bed to try assist sleep.\n\nRecreational: None. Don't drink, smoke or do drugs.\n\nI'm a healthy person, lift 4-5x a week as well as do cardio 3-4x a week. Eat a balanced diet consisting of 2,800cals (180g P/310g C/92g F) and drinking 4L of water per day yet I'm having some serious issues with this no sleep, depression and lack of sex drive. \n\nI've had testosterone levels checked for the sex drive issue and levels are 634ng/DL. Have quit caffeine and developed a sleep hygeine routine (blacked out room, fan, ear plugs, eye mask and supplements) with no success at all.\n\nJust went to doctor and he prescribed me 15mg Avanza (Mirtazapine) to treat my sleep, depression and leg pain but I wanted a second opinion. I'm reading a lot about people having extreme weight gain. Apart from quitting my job I can't think of anything else to fix these issues. Need help.", "answer": "Do you only work nights? Do you sleep at regular times of the day? How long have you been an night worker? Is working at regular hours an option for you?\n\nHow is your motivation to excersize and eat? Can you describe how the not sleeping goes? \n\nDo you have social interactions? How is your living situation?\n\nIs weight gain right now worse than the sleeplessness, etc?\n\nAny medical/psychiatric history?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fh9zwb", "comment_id": "fka3nwb"}, {"question": "Can lorazepram do this?", "description": "I am almost 20, and I started taking lorazepram in addition to an antidepressant. I was perfectly fine on my antidepressants for weeks. However, a couple of days into taking a benzo, I had insomnia one day and then the day after I had horrible muscle pain and had a bout of depression and thoughts of killing myself. I stopped taking the drug even though it seems like benzos are supposed to help you \"calm down\".\nAnyways, have any of you had bad reactions with benzodiazepines? Is this uncommon? I don't really know anything about these.", "answer": "Why are you being prescribed lorazepam of all things? What dose are you prescribed?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6z33bj", "comment_id": "dms80gx"}, {"question": "Are people who are naturally good with people and good at socializing thinking about anything like what's posted here?", "description": "Are they consciously thinking of all of this and then saying 'be natural' or are they just actually naturally good at this and don't have to think about it? ", "answer": "Depends. It's like any skill. Talent counts for some, and hard work counts for more. I don't think anyone that is incredibly charismatic gets there without some deliberate work and effort, but it's certainly possible that some people who are \"naturally\" charismatic are just talented at getting along with others.\n\nHowever, the important thing is not that some people are naturally good with social interaction, but the fact that anyone--no matter where they start--can get good with practice and dedication. I mean, I have Asperger's syndrome which is a serious handicap to social skills, and I've come a tremendously long way because I've worked at it. You can too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "u56bi", "comment_id": "c4t03iv"}, {"question": "Since women with PCOS have higher testosterone, are we more prone to getting \"bulky\" when we lift?", "description": "Hey guys! I'm currently at a healthy weight and three months into a lifting program. My trainer assured me it wouldn't really bulk me up, but I started to do research as to *why* it shouldn't bulk me up, and it's because of testosterone! Usually women don't have enough... but do we??  I completely forgot I have PCOS, and I already finished all my personal training sessions so I can't ask my trainer :(", "answer": "My mom has PCOS as well and worked in a commercial kitchen hauling around 25 and 50 lbs of produce, flour and such. She was overweight at the time so you didn\u2019t see it much on her frame but her biceps got *jaked* like she flexed and it was just huge. She took pride in it, Rosie the Riveter style. \n\nI wouldn\u2019t let it dissuade you all together, just keep an eye on it. Maybe do some yoga or Pilates to get that lean look rather than bulky. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7f2vr6", "comment_id": "dq9j60z"}, {"question": "15y 10m occasional smoker, how to regain memory loss from weed", "description": "Hey guys.\n\nSo I've probably smoked weed about 20-25 times max in the last 6 months, never more than 2-3 cones as I'm a soft cock mostly over the Christmas/January holidays, and gotten drunk about a dozen in the last year Between Christmas and mid-late December I suffered sleep deprivation, and when I got out of it I thought it had left me with permanent effects.\n\nAnyway a couple weeks ago I was taking to my uncle in-law who's an expert on sleep. I explained my symptoms and as soon as my mother left the room he asked how much dope I'd been smoking.\n\nI'd felt quiet, slow, unmotivated, unenthusiastic, and just in general felt really dumb.\n\nWhat I couldn't wrap my head around is that all of my mates who had started experimenting with weed/alcohol around the same time frame had experienced absolutely no changes. We're all pretty smart people who get A's/B's in school (grade ten Australia), literally most people in my grade at my large school would have smoked as much as me. I told my uncle this and he said people react differently, but how can I reach this differently?\n\nI was a pretty smart kid, now I feel like I have to put effort in to get a B. I do feel a lot better since I stopped, although I slipped up last weekend so I've had 2 cones in 25 days, stupidly got drunk on Friday. Other than that been sober. \n\nWill I regain my cognitive capabilities? My memory just doesn't feel the same. It darkens me that I may have ruined my entire future over a few seshes with my mates. \n\nShould I undergo some memory exercises? Or maybe even get an MRI or other brain scans to see if it's something else, I mean the time frame makes it plausible to say it's from weed/alcohol, but how can this be possible for not an excessive amount of use.\n\nWriting this at 11:23 on a school night. I'm rattled and I can't stop thinking about it.\n\nAre these effects going to be permanent?\n\nHelp me reddit.", "answer": "Regular smoking before age 16 is about the only time you can do real, permanent damage. Sounds like you haven't gotten there yet though. Just give it time. 100% sober time though because you want your brain to get used to not expecting the high, not just the percentage of time not high. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b4vtsb", "comment_id": "ej9lly1"}, {"question": "Just had my first therapy session -- it went horribly -- can anyone relate?", "description": "Hey guys. I'm new to this subreddit, so here's a little bit about myself. I'm 18, male, gay, and I have social anxiety. In my (highly biased and self-deprecating) opinion, I was socially inept/awkward as a child, and this ineptitude/awkwardness continued through middle school and into high school. By the time that I graduated high school (which was last month), I only had one or two friends, and everyone else I considered acquaintances. I have a very avoidant personality, so virtually nobody at school knew what I did outside of school, or what my life was like. I'm sure that many people consider me to be distant, cold, etc.. I have no social life; I consider myself introverted, and I isolate myself as a result of my social anxiety. At school, or in social situations, I'm good at coping; I'm able to speak to people and get through the day, and I don't think anything about me is particularly revealing of the fact that I have social anxiety, so long as I am not the center of everybody's attention. But a part of me is always on edge when I'm around people that I'm not well-acquainted with, and I'm almost never comfortable in these situations. My social anxiety manifests itself physiologically in the form of endless armpit sweats, cold and sweaty palms, back sweats, etc. \n\nI'm going away to college in a little over a month. Before that time, I want to see a therapist, or psychologist, or maybe even a psychiatrist, to fix my social anxiety problems. I made the first step towards these ends this morning, when I scheduled an appointment with a local therapist. I was able to get in for an appointment the same day that I called (which was today), so I went in this afternoon. \n\nBefore calling, though, I had many doubts. Prior to today, I've spent the past few days/weeks researching social anxiety in general, and I've read time and time again that social anxiety is a very misunderstood condition -- that few professionals within the field of psychology actually know how to work with social anxiety in particular, and that many try (in vain) to apply a cookie cutter CBT program as a catch-all solution to social anxiety. \n\nAnyway, getting back to the therapist. Before calling her this morning, I read up on her internet bio on psychologytoday.com, and one of her specialties was \"general anxiety\", along with a myriad of other mental health issues (ocd, adhd, ptsd, anger issues, relationship issues, etc). Her bio said nothing about social anxiety, but I nevertheless decided to set up an appointment with her. \n\nSo this afternoon, I went into her office, and with me I brought a bunch of already-filled out paperwork that she emailed me this morning. In this paperwork, I divulged that I'm gay, that I'm socially anxious, what I want to get out of therapy, and a lot more. So I go into her house and meet her, I give her the paper work, we talk about payment options and insurance and all that, and then she sat there and read through my paperwork for a few minutes. Then came the questions. Right off the bat, the questions were personal. She asked about early events in my childhood which I haven't spoken about to anyone other than my mother, and as I answered her questions, my throat constricted, my voice began to quiver heavily, and my eyes even began to tear a little bit. This lack of composure continued through the entire hour. Even saying something brief like, \"I have very little confidence in my abilities\", was near-impossible for me to say. Again, my voice was shaky, I had really weird and uncontrollable face twitches, not to mention body sweats. I felt utterly pathetic. I felt small.\n\nWhile I was driving home from the therapy visit, I was ruminating on the experience, and the only time that I can recall feeling *that* vulnerable, *that* exposed, was when I came out as gay for the first time to my mom. Maybe it's because I've lived my last 18 years as such a private person, and I'm not used to opening up to people. But regardless of the reason, I left the therapist feeling utterly miserable, and I don't know if I even want to go back next week. \n\nThis has more to do with my belief that the therapist that I saw probably isn't the best person to see for social anxiety. As she described her CBT treatment model to me, she kept describing it in terms of her patients who suffer from anger management issues. I didn't feel like she knew how to treat people with social anxiety, and this bolstered the doubts that I had going into the first session of therapy, which was that few professionals know how to deal with social anxiety. Maybe I'm being too critical of her, I don't know. \n\nI'm not sure how to end this, so I'll just say thank you to any of you who read through my post. I'm hoping that some of you will be able to relate to my experiences. ", "answer": "Psychologist here.  Sounds like she was doing it about right in terms of format.  Hopefully she also went over privacy rules with you too.  The questions are part of what we call a diagnostic interview or intake interview.  Therapists do this in varying ways but the idea is to develop a conception or theory of what your issues are.  One way to do that is to survey typical problem areas and hence questions about various experiences and symptoms.  I gather that you had a strong reaction to this process, and that you had a hard time describing your reaction to her.  No therapist is a mind reader but hopefully she was able to pick your agitation up.  You are highly verbal, but of course anxious so maybe had difficulty reporting on it.  If she didn't get it immediately she might in a session or two.  Beyond anxiety, you've got a judgment issue it seems.  There is a critical voice inside you that (so to speak) which puts you down and leaves you feeling self conscious and vulnerable.  That voice also is critical of others I gather and thus your belief that this therapist isn't competent to help you on no more solid evidence than she does not seem to specialize in treating SA.  Maybe she can and maybe not but you'll never know if you don't go back.  \n\nCBT is a very reasonable approach to help you with SA.  This would presumably consist of helping you develop a fear heirarchy, identifying and disputing automatic thoughts (aka judgments) and doing behavior experiments to get you out in the world and confronting and tolerating your discomfort.  You should expect to feel some anxiety, intense at times even, during this process, especially during experiments.  This is all about you confronting and testing the rational truth of your fears and weighing and adjusting beliefs as you see what you can actually do.  Its also about learning to tolerate some uncomfortable anxiety so you can get on with your life goals.  It is unrealistic to think that anxiety will go away but reasonable enough to expect that you can become more able to function and to have less pronounced anxiety over time and practice.", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "2ax495", "comment_id": "cizvbul"}, {"question": "56/M sexless marriage", "description": "My wife and I have not had sex in almost 10 years. She refuses to touch me in any intimate way. She wants to live as friends. This drives me crazy and I'm made to feel I'm wrong. Should I accept this? Is this normal? Should I stay? ", "answer": "1-have her see her gyn. sometimes tiny amounts of testosterone works great.\n\n2-marriage counseling\n\n3 if none of above work, talk about you seeing others ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ouumx", "comment_id": "dkkdy2a"}, {"question": "No drive left", "description": "I\u2019m 20 and I can\u2019t bring myself to do anything outside of what is immediately required of me. I hate being around anybody, so people see me as a loser and I don\u2019t blame them, I have no interests and my life feels pointless, Even tho I never really talk when I do I\u2019m usually a bit of a prick but people still tell me I\u2019m so nice and innocent when really I\u2019m just too afraid to be who I really am. I don\u2019t have any friends left and I know it\u2019s because I\u2019m too proud to let myself feel vulnerable. I\u2019m just too scared to ask for help, and I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m even doing this anymore. Every day I wake up from another nightmare or set of nightmares in pain and stressed out right off the bat. \n\nI\u2019m thinking of just joining the army because I\u2019m out of options and I feel like no girl could ever like me. I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m posting this, but like I said I\u2019m out of options.\n\nJust know I\u2019m not the type to take or appreciate help, thanks for reading anyway though.", "answer": "You sound depressed and like you need a purpose in life.  Get some therapy.  Joining the army is a good idea.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dkkdjo", "comment_id": "f4h40op"}, {"question": "Are there any real risks with buying needles online?", "description": "Basically, my doctor keeps forgetting to refill my needles prescription, so I can\u2019t take accompanying medicine.  It\u2019s extremely obnoxious, playing phone tag with him, the pharmacy, the insurance company etc.  seriously, I have spent hours just trying to get my prescriptions filled.  I got fed up and just ordered a bunch online.  They look legitimate and new(individually wrapped), same brand I was prescribed etc.  however, I know counterfeits are a thing, so I\u2019m just wondering if there is any real risk here. Can I catch anything?  35yo male 6\u2019 250lbs hypogonadism.", "answer": "Costco pharmacy (here in California) doesn't require a prescription for syringes with needles.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "blykjw", "comment_id": "emsl4fp"}, {"question": "\"Everyone I know goes away in the end\"", "description": "When I started drinking a lot when I turned 18 and started smoking weed to cope with my problems. It lost me my sober friends I'd been friends with for years. \n\nThen I had one friend I smoked with for years and then she accused me of doing a lot of stuff I didn't do at work and ended our friendship.\n\n Now I'm just on an island by myself, I'm sobering up and trying to fix things. But I'm quite alone, at 22. I've never even been in a relationship, and I don't want to try anymore at all because it will all just tear me a part like it always does.\n\n To top it all off about a year ago I fell for someone else with bpd, but they had a girlfriend. They made me think they liked me, but I dont know. I hated liking someone who wasn't single. Especially now that they are engaged, like what a dumbass I was for thinking maybe I was more than a backup just in case or someone to fuck with mentally, for over a goddamn year. Seriously why do I even have to be here when I'm important to no one?\n\nI want to be okay and have friends, and eventually start a relationship. But currently I have many days I need to go in our basement at my new job and cry. Usually I keep all the lights off down there and pretend I am dead. I dont see how I can make friends while going through this (and believe me there's a lot more).\n\n How do you move on? I can't move on. Is there even a reason to keep going through this?", "answer": "Oh man it gets so much better... The fact that you are actively working on getting yourself out of this hole... It's beyond words. Don't give up, you will not regret it", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "a8keas", "comment_id": "ecbiet4"}, {"question": "Scared about health", "description": "I have anxiety and horrible fear of like everything that can go wrong with the human body. I guess I have hypochondria but this has been a recent thing over the last 2 months. I get scared at everything including right now I\u2019m eating gummy worms and am scared my teeth will rot and fall out. Or that my blood sugar will go up I\u2019ll get diabetes and then lose my legs or go into a diabetic coma or something completely ridiculous. Any tips on how to deal/cope with these irrational health related fears? \n\nI\u2019ve also been to the doctor and have tested for all kinds of things in a recent physical so I\u2019m fine but I still have these ridiculous fears.", "answer": "Look for someone who will do cognitive behavioral therapy for you and exposure therapy. Best way to cure the anxiety.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "i1mp2p", "comment_id": "fzyho84"}, {"question": "had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day, frequent urination then headache after consuming salty chips quickly", "description": "so i had 3 or 4 ivs in 1 day in hospital. next day i was urinating frequently and drank a good amount of water. so i thought the urinating frequently may be because of lack of sodium, so i ate a bunch of salty chips real quick and now have a headache. and feel bad. i've read that after too many ivs you can cause problems by adding sodium too quickly.", "answer": "Why did you need the iv fluid in the first place?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5tm4jo", "comment_id": "ddnowbf"}, {"question": "My [28/M] husband of one year told me [27/F] that he doesn't know if he wants kids anymore. What do I do?", "description": "We've been together for almost 7 years and married this February for a year. I'll start off with a little background, before we married we discussed the fear he had of having children. (His sister has Autism and he's convinced it's genetic, even though she's the only one to have it in his entire family) Anyways, in this conversation we had a year plus ago, I naively said that I would be ok if we didn't have kids as long as I had him. But keep in mind that I also offered the option of adoption or maybe even having a sperm donor. Fast forward a bit and we're married now. I playfully ask him about when we can get started trying for a baby, and he plays along too,(we've had many conversations like this so in my mind I thought he had a change of heart) but then says, \"you know what, I don't think I even want kids at all.\" So I ask him if it has to do with his sister, as that has always been his excuse. But he now tells me that he doesn't want to bring a child into this ugly world, and that he thinks he won't be a good father. I'm just at a loss for words. This has never been brought up to me until now. I don't know what to do, or how to go about it.  I feel like it's my fault and I should blame myself. Any advice would help. Thanks!", "answer": "You have to decide if it's a 'deal-breaker' for you. Seeing a marriage counselor would help.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5om5gq", "comment_id": "dckd2pi"}, {"question": "Why is a lack of female relationship seen as not a reason to kill oneself?", "description": "Basically I am a male that viewed as absolute shit by modern western woman. Im nearly 29 never had a  GF and never will. My life will be one of constant loniness why can't I kill myself to end it.", "answer": "Please if you are thinking about hurting yourself text 741.741 or call 800-273-8255. Your future is not determined. People love and care about you and there is hope. Get some help!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "73ikm9", "comment_id": "dnqn376"}, {"question": "Trauma from transvaginal ultrasound as teenager", "description": "Has anyone else had a traumatic experience with this or a similar experience ? I have a painful experience having this done unexpectedly on me as a teenager (~15) when this was done supposedly to confirm my PCOS diagnosis. Apparently my mother consented but no one ever explained anything to me about what was going to happen. My mother left the room and this person started shoving this huge thing inside of me. I was also a virgin when it was done and no one told me what was happening, I just had this thing shoved inside me. I was crying and the doctor wouldn't stop. It really hurt since I was a virgin. It felt like rape since I didn't consent in any way (apparently my mother consented for me). And I felt disgusting. I'm having severe flashbacks now and it is affecting my relationships. The only thing that made this easier to discuss was when women were protesting the requirement for transvaginal ultrasounds on women who wanted abortion saying that it was literally forced on them against their consent and rapey. I just wish my mother had not done this to me.\n\nApologies if this is off topic but I don't know where to begin talking about this. I'm afraid to bring it up.\n\n*Edited to add*: Thanks for the support on here! I appreciate being able to open up about this, it is a sensitive topic for me and it's hard to explain to most people. I hope this was not triggering to anyone.\n", "answer": "Therapist here.\n\nSomeone put a foreign object in your body without your consent. That is sexual assault. In addition it hurt and you obviously showed your distress but they did not stop. This is something therapy or even a sexual assault support group can help you process. Having flashbacks upon a triggering situation and avoiding triggering stimuli suggests you may have PTSD, which is common in sexual assault survivors. \n\nIt seems like you obviously *feel* like something horrible and scarring happened but your situation doesn't fit the narrative society expects. Intellectually you're doubting if it's okay for you to feel the way you do. I want to let you know you are allowed to feel however you feel. \n\nHeck I had a very difficult to extract wisdom tooth removed when my insurance did not allow sedation for the procedure, only local anesthetic. I have a  dental work phobia and I was *so* scared but knew I had to just sit there and allow him to do it. I had flashbacks for weeks after and still feel icky about the whole thing.\n\nYou are allowed to feel violated because you were. It was in a medical context and there was legal consent from you mom, but what happened to you is not okay. \n\nIf you'd like any help finding individual or group therapy feel free to PM me. There are tons of places with sliding scale therapy if money is tight. My training center did therapy for $20 a session for those in financial need. \n\nRecommended resources:\n\nRainn:   https://www.rainn.org/    800.656.4673 \nSpecifically for sexual assault you can go to the online chat or call the  hotline at any time just to talk to someone or get referrals to local resources.\n\n211: You can call or google this number and it will automatically put you through to your local counties social resources. \n\n\n\n", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4z7rpj", "comment_id": "d6u0b06"}, {"question": "Borderline Personality Pain", "description": "I want to meet and talk to other people with borderline personality I need someone who KNOWS how lonely and painful this is before I take my own life", "answer": "It gets better. It always does. It can get worse, but then you realize that life is a series of ups and downs. Don't let the current rub of downs prevent you from having any ups", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "31zjie", "comment_id": "cq6i1ks"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (25f) am having a lot of trouble making friends.", "description": "ive always been quite reserved growing up, borderline shy, but after going to hair school and doing hair for a few years, it helped me grow to learn how to socialize my self better.   Yet, I\u2019m still pretty introverted and don\u2019t talk to people if I don\u2019t have to. In my experience when I do talk to people, it\u2019s like they don\u2019t want to talk to me. It\u2019s either very short replies, like they\u2019re not even listening or they don\u2019t even care to listen. So I just stop trying. It\u2019s always been a issue for me. In hair school, all the teachers hated me because they felt I had no personality, I didn\u2019t talk to people well and I make everyone uncomfortable because I have terrible social skills with clientele and I just could never fit into the world with the way I was. Which wasn\u2019t always my fault, I pushed myself a lot to try small talk, but I wasn\u2019t going to force it if a client didn\u2019t want to talk to me. I pushed myself so much that at the end of the day I was exhausted from trying to converse then go home and cry my eyes out because I still wasn\u2019t fitting in. I almost ended up killing myself because I just wasn\u2019t fitting in anywhere. But that\u2019s when people started to reach out to me, talk and hang out with me after I got out of the hospital. \n\nEventually it went back to the same issue.  Even after doing hair for three years, social skills werent up to par, I mean it got a lot better a long the years, just never good enough. It killed my confidence even more so I quit doing hair.\n\nNow I work in a lab, where I work with quite a few introverted people which is nice, but now I feel like I\u2019m deprived from human interaction because I only have one person that really talks to me which is my boyfriend. Half the time he rarely wants to talk to me, he even makes comments about how I\u2019m the first girlfriend he\u2019s had who hasn\u2019t had many friends. Also that I can\u2019t rely on him to be there all the time which I don\u2019t... I\u2019ve stopped trying to go to him with things because he gets so bothered but won\u2019t admit it. I\u2019ve even tried reaching out to old friend to try to rekindle friendships, or hang out with current friends, but people are usually not interested and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing wrong. \n\nI\u2019m really someone who tries not to complain or bother people with issues, so that\u2019s why I came here to see if anyone (Strangers who seem to have no judgement) had advice on how I can better myself socially or make friends? Any tips are really appreciated or any bluntness too... I just want to be able to be somewhat normal...", "answer": "What are your hobbies?  What do you do for fun?  The best way to make friends is to find people who enjoy doing the same things as you.  That way, you instantly have something to talk about that doesn't feel forced.  It also gives you a boost in confidence because if it's a hobby of yours, you probably know what you're talking about.  \n\n\nI'd also recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain.  I think it could be really helpful for you.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ez7rbt", "comment_id": "fgm3ccu"}, {"question": "Help for lying", "description": "I can't seem to stop lying. I don't know how to fix the issue but I desperately want to. I lie about small silly things. Whether or not I enjoy doing something like watching a particular movie or about what foods I like. It isn't premeditated it is always in the moment. My lies change based on who I am around. If I am around my dad who insists on going to university, I tell him my plan is to go for a Bachelors degree. If I am around my artsy friend going to film school, suddenly I am going to art college for animation. I noticed I seem to lie in a way that I think will not to offend people, so they accept my life. I have done this for as long as I can remeber. The big issue this has caused me is uncertainty in who I am, what I want and what the truth is. Any suggestions on how to fix this would be appreciated. This is really impacting my life. I cant make decisions to go forward and this is hurting current relationships. I want to know what the truth is but can't seem to get past the lies.", "answer": "This is a pretty common response from my on this Reddit sub but I think you really need to consider getting connected with a good therapist.  Chronic lying especially in circumstances as you've described are generally an indicator that your tolerance for stress caused by disapproval from others is fairly low so you've gotten into a pattern of avoidance (making up stories about yourself) that you've gotten so good at, it now happens without thinking.  \n\nIt may take some time to process what lead you to start doing that in the first place.  Usually I see this come from some sort of trauma and/or abuse.  \n\nNext you need to figure who you are, who you want to be, and begin working at coping with disapproval from others, because no matter who you are, there are going to be people who like you for it and people who hate you for it.  It's much more healthy to accept this than try to continue changing yourself.\n\nHope this helps!  Best of luck.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xvz9a", "comment_id": "duc6j6i"}, {"question": "Is this normal?", "description": "I've worked in the defense industries and military since I was 19 and the last couple years has had me deal with many guys from the special operations community. I believe I may have developed some strange habits or tricks from the nature of my work but I wonder if these are just normal protective instincts.\n\nOverall when I'm with friends and family I can calm down and relax, but when I'm out in public my demeanor changes dramatically. I've been told that many times my face becomes either stoic or contorted to convey a \"piss off, don't fuck with me\" attitude. I continually plan exit routes and profile each person for their relative \"threat\" to me or the people I'm with.  My friends make fun of me, but when I come into a restaurant but I have to face the door and I'll still \"scan\". People standing or walking within 3 ft of me and especially directly behind me drive me insane. \n\nOverall I dont think I'm paranoid, but I cant get my heightened awareness down sometimes. When I try to stop these behaviors my stress level goes up even more. For reference I dont remember any significant trauma and I can't get into what I do for work, but I haven't been in combat yet. I'm a pretty big dude and physically could overpower most people.\n\nNot looking for a diagnosis, but if anyone has had this issue or know something that might help, please let me know.", "answer": "As a psychologist who has worked in prisons, max-security hospitals, inpatient units, and now back to prison...mainly places where the chances of me being hurt or attacked are greater than the general public.  \n\nIt has become a habit for me, at work, home, in the community.  Similar to you, I like to face the door, I want to see who is coming in and out, as well as with whom.  I prefer to sit near an exit, I'll think about where I might hide if an active shooter entered.  I've had lots of training, I'm around a lot of former military, and I model them and they give me tips.  But yea, I definitely have that 'f-off' facial expression.  I am not physically intimidating, lol.  \n\nTo me, I say it's normal because of what I do for work.  Same for you.  I don't want to lose that heightened sense of awareness, it hasn't done me wrong yet.  \n\nWhat may be normal for me might not be normal for you.  It depends on the extent to which these behaviors negatively impact your daily functioning.  Do they interfere with work, family, home, that type of thing?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a4dt57", "comment_id": "ebdl3iq"}, {"question": "How do you let your face heal? Am I not supposed to fix anything at all??", "description": "How do normal people do it? Like, blackheads, whiteheads, scabs. Do they just not touch them? I can't stand seeing or feeling anything on my face. It's hard for me to believe it would just go away. Especially blackheads. \n\nI want to let my skin heal, but I keep needing to fix things....\n\nNote: I'm looking for a legit, scientific answer. Are you supposed to just let everything live in your face?? Because that sounds crazy.", "answer": "If you can afford to, I\u2019d recommend regular sessions with an aesthetician. Trust them as a professional to extract the things which warrant extraction and to do it in a way that doesn\u2019t damage your skin", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "j5bue0", "comment_id": "g7sxah4"}, {"question": "Does spinal decompression work to increase height?", "description": "Would spinal decompression such as hanging from inversion boots/table make any noticeable increase in a person\u2019s height? I\u2019ve heard of athletes using this to *temporarily* gain a marginal amount of height before a combine but it does sound very much like pseudoscience. \n\nIf there is a noticeable increase in height, how much would a person of average height expect to gain? How long would these effects last? How long would a person have to remain inverted for their spine to be \u201cfully\u201d decompressed? \n\nAside from an increase in height, are there actual medical benefits to it?\n\nLastly, are there any negative side effects of spinal decompression through inversion? \n\n\n", "answer": "It would work temporarily and slightly. You\u2019re also taller in the morning than after remaining standing for a day. It\u2019s not enough height to have any significant use.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "avviws", "comment_id": "ehi1nww"}, {"question": "My (20F) boyfriend (21M) wants to take a break but not give each other space?", "description": "We've only been going out for four months and been friends for five. The past month has been pretty bad; we both have a lot of shit going on in our lives and it's taken a toll on the relationship. He has more shit going on than I do; he can't afford school, doesn't have a job, lives an hour away from the city, etc.\n\n\nThe first three months of the relationship were AMAZING. We saw each other once a week, we had a good physical relationship, and we constantly were on the phone with each other. This past month, though, the ugly stuff came out. I'm always the one making plans to meet and he complains about driving out 30 mins to see me, when we had petty fights (my fault) he has said he didn't love me but then said it was only out of anger, and quite frankly, I do 80% in this relationship whereas he does 20%.\n\n\nYesterday we had another fight. We patched it up at night. This morning, he told me he wanted a break. I told him to define to me what that meant. He said he wanted to get his life in order without the added stress of a relationship; he did not want to prioritize the relationship currently so being in a relationship with him during this time would be unfair to me, since we wouldn't give me the love and attention I deserve.\n\n\nAll of this sounded great to me; we're both young, still live with our parents, and needed to sort our lives out before committing to one another. But then I asked him if we were exclusive and getting back together after the break.\n\n\nHe said yes, we were exclusive, but that I should \"keep my options open\". I asked him if he was going to look for someone else or even have sex with them/be intimate with them and he said no, that's the last thing he wants. Plus his libido has decreased due to stress in his life, which I agree with too. He told me loved me and will never have it better than we did, but he couldn't guarantee we would end up together. He says he wants to, but can't say that we will.\n\n\nHe also doesn't want to give each other space. Like I said, we are constantly on call, and he wants to continue doing that. We have this thing where we sleep at night on the phone which he says he wants to keep doing.\n\n\nTLDR; he wants the same thing as a relationship but he wants to take a break from the commitment and the lovey-dovey stuff to get his life in check, but NOT to find anyone else. He says he wants to end up together but if his life doesn't lead him that way, he won't force it.\n\n\nWhat should I dooooo?", "answer": "this is too vague and needs definition.\n1-commitment means future:  ok, he won't commit to a future.  2- he doesn't want to date others but you should keep options open:  this is absurd and illogical. i can't believe he won't be keeping options open too! 3- are you two going to have sex?;  if yes, then it's lovey-dovey, but casual fwb.\nBOTTOM LINE:  He doesn't want a relationship so you should probably just move on, and cease contact, because his vagueness and ambiguity will drive you crazy.  He's not ready. Period.\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dbha5", "comment_id": "di1bvgq"}, {"question": "I would really appreciate it if you read this. What issues do I have?", "description": "Hi guys. I don't know if this the right place to vent. I think I have some issues or if something is/isn't wrong with me. I was up until just recently trying to better myself by journaling, exercising consistently, and improving my social skills. I'm 18 but I've moved around a lot so I don't have a solid group of friends, only a few I've made at college. I am not ugly but I have horrible allergies so my eye skin makes me look older and at 5' 8\" I'm at 145 lbs so I have weight to lose. I'm also Ethiopian  with curly hair so it's a real struggle trying to maintain my huge, and I mean HUGE amount of curly hair, compared to silky straight hair, which in the end is not even considered as good as straight soft  hair.\n\nI recently made a fake tinder account only to see how tinder works features wise, but then I made a fake account using pics of an Instagrammer who isn't super famous. I've started and been messaging many guys for 4 days who are eager to meet up for a few days. I forget they think I'm a different person and I imagine they are complimenting me. I started to feel like a major creep so I deleted it and now I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with me. I feel like I work so hard to improve myself but i feel like I'm hardly making progress. I study so hard just to get good grades, I'm constantly trying to be approachable and improve my communication skills and make friends, etc. I'm scared to post on my Facebook because  I'm afraid no one will give me likes. I tell myself for weeks that I am strong and shouldn't seek validation in others and to keep on improving, and then one day I'll look at how few friends I have and how ugly I am and I just start crying again, which makes me feel like I've never been strong at all. I just feel like generally as a person I suck. Do I need therapy? ", "answer": "It sounds like a self-esteem problem that's based in believing that there is an objective ideal for beauty.  I get this impression when you say you're 5'8\", 145 lbs (and have weight to lose) and being upset about your naturally curly hair.  First off, It sounds like you're at a healthy weight for your height.  Next, some guys prefer straight hair, some guys prefer curly.  \n\nIf you had straight hair, some people that don't find you attractive now might, but all of the people who would find you attractive now BECAUSE of your curly hair would stop.  \n\nYou can't please everyone and at the end of the day, there is no objective measure of beauty or attractiveness.  \n\nThe important thing is to learn to be okay with yourself.  You don't necessarily have to love yourself (though that would be great) but just be okay with yourself.  Once you are happy and confident with who you are, you will find others who find you to be exactly their type, no matter who you are or what you look like.  \n\nSo to answer your question, yes, I think therapy would be extremely helpful for you to break this idea that there is one objective beauty ideal that you don't match, because although it seems to be drilled into you, it's just not true.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zbe3k", "comment_id": "dunh7hw"}, {"question": "What would you do if a client suddenly got overwhelmed from the questions and asks to stop asking questions?", "description": "Something of a random thought, but I\u2019m genuinely interested in what a therapist\u2019s reaction would be.", "answer": "I would stop. \nTherapy is a collaborative process and we rely on our patients to tell us when they need less, or need more. We can\u2019t know if no one tells us so I try to remind my patients that I welcome feedback, information and directives.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f66kvl", "comment_id": "fi3y16x"}, {"question": "Sitting in my hospital bed with a mysterious virus attacking my liver. Any thaughts?", "description": "Male, 31 years old, 5'10\", 175lbs, Caucasian, Symptoms for 2 weeks, effected organ: Liver, Buffalo, New York, no pre-existing conditions, no medications, no photos.\n\nPlease forgive my grammar I am typing this with one hand since my other has my IV line in.*\n\nMy symptoms started a little over 2 weeks ago today. I was experiencing what I thought was the normal flu and was just pushing thru like I normally do since I work full time. Friday of last week 7 days ago now was one of my worst days of fatigue and vomiting but it was the first day I noticed my urine turn abnormally orange. Thought I was just dehydrated. But I also started experiencing dizzynes and crazy feelings of euphoria. My eyes hurt in the light and it made me wonky and with slight headaches. Still thought it was just the flu. I push through till Wednesday till these symptoms hit an extreme. It's almost impossible to function and I've never felt this way in my entire life. My girlfriend got fed up drags dumb butt to the doctors.\n\nWednesday 1:00pm I'm getting tested for the flu and sure enough I come back positive. Saw that coming. Doc tells me he can't help it with medication since I'm to far along. Then drops a bomb. I'm not a medical professional so forgive me if my terms are a bit off from here on out. He tells me there's an issue with my liver, that my enzymes are off the charts. Like bonkers. One enzyme normal range was 11-38 U/L, mine was 1127. That's not a typo. Another range for a different one was 10-47 U/L, mine was 606. And another one had a range of 0.2-1.6 mg/dl, mine was 6.1. Doc slaps 2 IVs in me and sends me right to the ER. I'm thinking they're going to give me some antibiotics and I'm going home. Nope, I get triaged and administered as soon as they get their own results back. They slap all the serious information in my face and the fun begins.\n\nI received a battery of tests. Two forms of ultrasounds. One normal, the other a \u201cDoppler\u201d but everything is working fine. I've been healthy my whole life. I don't drink a lot. And I've never had pain in it at all. So the liver looks good. Except it isn't working right. My enzymes are sustaining their high levels. They pin it down to my \u201cbile duct\u201d and my diagnosis is that it's being attacked by some form of virus that's not the flu. And they have to figure out which one before they can administer and kind of medication short of nausea meds to help my vomiting.\n\n3:00am Thursday: I get my first round of blood work and it seems like they drain my body dry to test everything obvious from a virus standpoint. All forms of Hepatitis, HIV, to Mono and a whole lot more. They feed me magnesium and I vomit for the last time Thursday morning. Blood work comes back completely negative on all front. Thursday afternoon I received visits from about 4 separate physicians and 2 different GI's re-evaluat me while bombarding me with background questions. My abnormal levels have sustained. Thursday night I get my second round of blood work down. Now I feel like a pincushion and they drain me again and I wait.\n\nFriday morning comes, more doctors. Enzymes are still off. Blood work from all test the night before came back negative. I got the notion before but I get the first actually admission from one of the friendlier doctors. \u201cWe don't know what it is yet.\u201d Promptly followed by my third round of blood work. This time earlier on in the afternoon. I get a visit before the friendlier doctor went home to tell me it looks like they're going to all come back negative as well. And my levels are still very dangerous. I'll be getting more blood work done in the night sometime. Wahoo!\n\nThat was earlier on this evening. I just get to sit in bed all day and wait. No meds. The IVs helped my flu and I feel much better on that end. But my head still feels like it's constantly floating. My eyes look I'm Michael Jackson in Thriller. I have a lingering headaches. And my urine still looks like I ate a Texas Longhorn fan.\n\nSo out of sheer time and boredom I've googled and tried not to think about it. But one of my friends told me to throw a post up here. Won't solve anything. Won't interfere with my doctors.. but Its hard to suffer in silence, so I'm throwing my story out there.\n\nSo is 1am Saturday now. More blood work anytime now. Maybe someone on here can keep me outta my own head. Any thaughts?\n\nSincerely, Mystery Liver \n\nThis is my snap I took of one of my tests. \n\nTest https://imgur.com/gallery/CsozmIs\n\n\n7:30am Saturday March 16th. They just did more blood work on me a few minutes ago. Didn't say what for. Just a nurse that didn't know much other then all my test yesterday we're still negative. Urine is still orange. Eyes still yellow. Im getting a lil drousy from it so I think I'm gonna pass out for a bit so if I don't respond I'll get back to you. I am frankly taken back about how many people even aknowleged my post. I took a shot in the dark to share my story and expected nothing. All I've received is love and help from everyone on here so far.. kinda in disbelief and it honestly helps me so much just to talk about it, rather then letting it stew inside my head by myself in my bed. One love all I'll be back on soon.\n\n1:00pm. Just med with lead MD. My numbers seem to be getting a little better today. The liver is still functioning. My symptoms haven't subsided. He said my body is naturally fighting whatever it was that was in there. But the uncertainty still makes me uneasy. They popped me 2 huge honkers of phosphorus a little earlier I could barley swallow. He really believed my symptoms would be getting better and when I informed him there was minimal change he decided to send me to nuerology. So I guess I'm going down there later to get some scans. I'm happy my numbers are getting better. Scared that they don't know what it is. And freaked now that it might be something else wrong with me as well. Here's to more waiting.\n\n8:00pm. Nuerology ran a CT and MRI around 3pm. Haven't seen or heard from a doctor since. So not much to update other then the food here still sucks.  Guess I'll find out sometime tomorrow. I'm sick of this bed. Symptoms haven't stopped. Thanks again to everyone for the love.\n\n11:20am Sunday March 17th. No news on nuero exams. Haven't seen a doctor yet about it so hopefully no news is good news. But I get the notion that I'm not going home today haha. Nurse said she didn't have any information other then \"my levels are still very high.\" I'll repost when I have something more interesting to say other then I'm bored and want to go home.. did I mention I'm bored and want to go home..?\n\nMonday 1:00pm My body finally is \"beating the virus\". After almost a week my enzyme levels dropped significantly. I'll get the numbers in a few minutes but I feel a lot better. And I have to do follow-ups tomorrow and throughout the upcoming weeks. I'm seeing one of the GI's that worked on me at their outside office. They said I still have tests pending that take a while to come  back.. But.. I JUST GOT DISCHARGED!!!. It's been a long week. And it stinks they still haven't pinned it down. But everyone in this sub.. without a doubt in my mind... Helped me get some sleep at night.. not being alone in this and getting some information and understanding from other professionals on here, beyond a shadow of a doubt, helped me as much mentally as the doctor's in the ER helped me physically.\n\nThank you Reddit.. Thank you AskDocs. Thank you Professionals,\n\nSincerely, Mystery Liver", "answer": "I send you big virtual hugs. Sounds terrifying. So Sorry!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b1oxcp", "comment_id": "eiolnck"}, {"question": "What is going on with my boyfriend?", "description": "It is currently 7am and my boyfriend has just fallen asleep so I\u2019ve decided I need to identify what the hell just happened. Just to give some insight on him, he\u2019s the youngest of seven boys, has ADHD, is impulsive and extremely childish. But then he\u2019ll have these episodes where he just gets all philosophical and existential. He\u2019s like a little baby, as I see it, pretending to be an adult. His dad was emotionally and physically abusive to him as a kid, and his brothers used to beat him up and make fun of him. He\u2019s very outgoing and extroverted, but he doesn\u2019t tell anyone his deep inner feelings but me. \n\nI visited him last night to just check in on him and found him in bed, but not asleep. He\u2019s always had really bad insomnia. But recently he hasn\u2019t been sleeping at night. He waits until the sun comes up and goes to sleep and then wakes up at 4pm. I\u2019m not questioning that though. \n\nBut he turned to me then when I went into his room and sat on his bed. He said he\u2019s been so tired. So drained. He doesn\u2019t leave his bed. He wants to but he can\u2019t. And then he started crying. I left him lay where he was. He said how he doesn\u2019t have any energy. That he\u2019s taking all his vitamins and he sleeps a lot but he\u2019s so tired and lethargic and when he tries to sleep he can\u2019t. That he\u2019s stuck in a revolving door. His cries broke into sobs and I embraced him. \n\nThat calmed him down but then he started breathing heavy and broke away and kept out of the bed, banging his fists and kicking the wall. He was screaming. It was like a fit of rage. And then he would cry. And then just go right back to screaming and kicking. He was breathing so heavy, at this point he was gasping for air but he was so full of rage. He would scream this incoherent bits about something eating him away. Or why was he like this, or what was happened to him. He started saying \u201cget out! Get out!\u201d And I stood up to walk out, but then he fell to the ground and started sobbing. So I went back to him and helped him onto his feet and then he started hyperventilating again.\n\nHe was pacing back and forth, momentarily banging his fist or head against a wall or kicking his wall. He started rambling nonsense about what he was feeling, and I\u2019ll try to sum it up; \u201cI feel so trapped, it\u2019s eating at me, it\u2019s killing me, but I don\u2019t know what it is. It\u2019s killing me from the inside and leaving a husk of my flesh. I\u2019m just a zombie, and nobody will notice because it won\u2019t kill me. It will torture me forever and I can\u2019t do anything about it.\u201dAnd he was pacing, and running his hands through his hair. And he would have two second intervals of sobbing and then would go back to yelling and then cry some more. He looked terrified throughout the whole thing. \n\nI can\u2019t tell you what I was doing, because I genuinely don\u2019t know. I was so overwhelmed with what he was saying and doing. I felt terrible, but I didn\u2019t want to intervene to make it worse. I went to hug him to calm him down and he just swore and started hyperventilating again. \u201cNobody loves me\u201d \u201cno, I love you\u201d \u201cfuck off\u201d. We\u2019d have those exchanges as he paced and then seconds later he would cry and say how sorry he was. \n\nHe would have weird swings of perspectives. \u201cIt\u2019s so hot in here.\u201d And then he\u2019d crack a window. \u201cIt\u2019s fucking freezing\u201d and he\u2019d jump up and down. \n\nHe said something that insulted me, i think he called me washed up or something, and then put his hands over his mouth and threw himself against a wall crying. I took that opportunity to go to him. As usual, he started breathing heavy again but instead of letting him go I just whispered to him and he calmed down. I told him he was probably exhausted and we laid down in the bed. He started squirming because he got too hot so I took of all the blankets accept for one and wrapped it around him. I told him to poke his feet out because then he\u2019ll cool down, and he did that and then was out like a light.\n\nI don\u2019t know what happened. I think it may have started out with an existential episode he was having and then something snapped but I don\u2019t know. I want him to be okay. Does anyone have a clue about what just occurred.\n\nI looked up a lot of stuff on the internet and mania seems to have popped up. Does this sound like mania to you guys?", "answer": "Chiming in to what everyone else says I think it might be good to look at physical illness- being sick can take mental things to a whole different level", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "chmgqe", "comment_id": "euwaes7"}, {"question": "How can I [24F] have the relationship talk without scaring him [24M]", "description": "I've been dating this guy for about 7 months now. He's amazing and sweet and makes me happy. He's met my parents, my brother, my brothers girlfriend and a few of my friends and I have met some of his friends (but not many). But we still are in the weird relationship limbo. He's mentioned to me that I'm not single anymore and recently he said he could tell his parents that he \"kind of has a girlfriend\" but does that mean anything? I also noticed that he still had the tinder app on his phone (where we met) but I don't know if he is actively using it. I just want to k ow where I stand because I really really like him but I have no clue where I stand with him. Does it seem like he's assuming we're a couple? And how can I ask him what we are without being too forward? I don't know if he wants me to make the first move or what but honestly I'm getting of tired of being in limbo. ", "answer": "You should ask that question just before or just after having sex the first time.  It's never to soon to be direct with someone about what they feel and what they want. By all means ASK. if it scares him he's too immature to be in a ltr.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ei51u", "comment_id": "diagwaj"}, {"question": "I purged and some of my kidney medication came out what should I do", "description": "Help please I have an autoimmune disorder ( IgA nephropathy ). I just purged and with the brown disgusting stuff some of my medicine came out. They are bright white tables so the were easy to spot. I take some other medications that are dark green and brown, so I don\u2019t know if they came out or not. I\u2019m really scared. I don\u2019t know what to do. Should I take another dose ? I have no one to talk to or get advice right now. Please help. I\u2019m so sorry for my English it\u2019s not my first language.", "answer": "You call the Doctor who prescribed it, let them know how much time passed between you taking the medication and the purging, and they will let you know if you need to take it again or it\u2019s been absorbed and you can wait for your next dose or if it\u2019s one of those medications that you absolutely should not take again", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "i0gq84", "comment_id": "fzpw6pz"}, {"question": "Can I hold a bag of weed and not use any of it? Pass up a spliff doing the rounds? Yes I can \ud83d\ude0e I believe I just leveled up.", "description": "Day 23 here and today I took possession of a bag of weed for my brother in law who lives with me and helps out on my farm. It is a thank you gift as he enjoys his smoke and it isn't a problem for him. \nI sat with him whilst he had a smoke, I could smell it, I could almost taste it .... And yet I'm ok. \n\nI can do this. I wasn't sure how it would be but it's ok ... I don't want to smoke weed anymore. The addict in me does but my voice is louder. I feel like today is a breakthrough. I've been tested and I've scored gold \ud83d\ude01", "answer": "If you have a bunch of levels already it's a win. With less than a year of sober actions and risk catching, this sounds massively misguided and really scary. Each person's sobriety is their own thing but this smells just like the addiction trying to convince you it's gone. \n\nRelapse usually comes on the back of three conditions which means proximity/access alone is never the problem by itself. \n\nCongratulations because each win is a win but this set off my Spidey Sense. ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "b7bo3o", "comment_id": "ejrowp5"}, {"question": "I think the therapist I planned to work with ghosted me - what do I do?", "description": "A few months ago I was shopping around for a therapist when I met with one that I connected with and was very excited to work with. Unfortunately some financial issues came up so I let her know that I wouldn't be able to start as soon as I'd like however I'd reach out as soon as I'm in a good place financially. Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I reached out to let her know that I'm ready if she has any openings. She sent me her availability, I confirmed the date I was available, and I haven't heard from her since. I even followed up again a few days ago to no response. I'm so bummed because I have been so eager to start this work and finally get the support I need. Wondering if I should give her the benefit of the doubt especially with everything else going on in the world right now and continue waiting for a response or if I should let it go and find a new therapist.\n\nEDIT added clarification", "answer": "I agree with the idea of giving her the benefit of the doubt AND staying open to other therapists .\n\nEveryone I know is slammed right now.  People are seeking therapy like never before,  and adjusting to the new demands of telehealth is a big adjustment.  Even those who use it regularly are struggling to keep up with the new demand .\n\nMany therapists are also struggling with other stressors.  Closed schools and daycares,  partners unable to work , etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "firdkm", "comment_id": "fkkxhn5"}, {"question": "[PANICKING] My TNF-Alpha levels are elevated", "description": "Hello docs,\n\nEh I'm sweating from panic.\n\nExperiencing very worrisome symptoms in the past 2 months, but I was trying to attribute them to weed withdrawal.\n\nAge: 20\n\nHave been smoking weed of very bad quality for 2 years, every day, without knowing that it was of such quality.\n(could be laced with detergent or heroin)\nEach joint was half tobacco, half weed approximately.\nHave also been smoking cigarettes for 2 years, around 1.25 pack a day.\n\nLast few months I've only smoked high quality weed, but I'm scared about my past habits.\n\nAnyway I just got an email with my TNF-Alpha levels being elevated - and I'm extremely concerned.\n\n[**8,6** | \u2191 0,0-8,1 ng/l]\n\nAm I correct by assuming that this can't be due to weed withdrawal, and is associated with cancer only?\n\nWill go to the doctors tomorrow obviosuly, but I really want to know.\n\nOther stuff being out of bounds:\n\n* erythrocytes **6,09** \u2191 4,20-5,70 x10^12/l\n* granulocytes **75,3** \u2191 43,0-65,0 %\n* lymphocytes **18,7** \u2193 20,5-46,5 %\n* serum albumin **53,4** \u2191 35-52 g/L\n* serum uric acid **440** \u2191 208-428 \u00b5mol/l\n* bilirubin total **49** \u2191 5,0-21,0 \u00b5mol/l\n* direct bilirubin **9,2** \u2191 0,0-3,4 \u00b5mol/l\n* vitamin d **29,26** nmol/l (insufficient 25-75, deficient <25)\n* serum electrophoresys albumin **66,4** | 53,8 - 65,2\n* serum electrophoresys beta globulin **8,4** | 8,6 - 14,8\n\nMy symptoms:\n\n* intermittent rib or lung discomfort on the right side, sometimes left side as well (feels like it's under my ribs, in a wider area)\n* jaundice in my eye whites\n* pain in my fingertips on fingers and toes (hopefully not clubbing)\n* feels like my chest lymph nodes could be enlarged, but x-ray was clear (read on many sources how they can often not show on an x-ray)\n* lymph node above left collarbone is easily palpable, feels soft (sometimes harder) and rubbery, movable, but been this way for many years\n* sometimes I feel itchy at night\n* my liver being on the upper normal limit (size-related)\n* had a persistent cough for 2 months, while I was quitting weed, but it is gone\n* had teary, red eyes in the morning, but this is gone as well\n* alcohol intolerance\n* had night sweats for 2 nights in a row, in first days of weed withdrawal\n* lost weight (not sure exactly how much, around 5-6kg in the past month)\n\nAny help is massively appreciated!", "answer": "TNF\u03b1 definitely isn't only associated with cancer. It's a marker, and in fact a driver, of inflammation. It will be elevated in cancer, but much more commonly in other inflammatory conditions including rheumatoid, like arthritis, or even infectious.\n\nSince you didn't list your symptoms it's hard to say more.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8d0ts5", "comment_id": "dxjcquz"}, {"question": "1 night of literally no sleep can effect temperature regulation? Or something along those lines?", "description": "Hello.\n\nI'm 31, male.\n\nFamily history of insomnia. I've had sleep issues since college. Also history of migraines if that matters. Also take effexor if that matters.\n\nLately when I have a full night of no sleep, unable to sleep at all even 5 minutes of dozing off, I seem to have a day of uncontrollable sweating. I'm talking full on cold sweats. My skin feels cold and sweat like crazy. This has only recently started last few times of full night no sleep. Like 3-4 times over 4 months probably. My medication has not changed either.\n\nIt feels like my body cannot adapt to the temperature. Maybe it's because of the summer and the cold ac is not going well compared to a normal day. When I go into warmer temps, like outside, I feel a bit more comfortable. But if I put on a light jacket I sweat even more! It's like no win. I can't try to nap until after work. I'm certainly hoping for a way to just overcome this sweating. \n\nI can always provide more details.\n\nBut this sweating is just awful... Luckily I'm working from home.", "answer": "That\u2019s a normal and common problem with lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation messes up your body\u2019s temperature regulation. The only real fix is to make sure you get adequate sleep.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hzjb1w", "comment_id": "fzjhb02"}, {"question": "Weedless in Seattle", "description": "Hey everybody, nice to meet you. I'm here because I did a Google search for \"marijuana addiction\" and found this sub. I'm hoping I can discuss my issues here without being told that marijuana isn't addictive or that my addiction is purely mental, because neither of those is true or helpful. \n\nI know firsthand that marijuana is addictive because I'm addicted to it to the point that it's ruining my life. When I smoke, I smoke all day every day--and I usually wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night and puff to go back to sleep. I lose interest in most activities besides smoking and half-paying-attention to Netflix or playing games on my phone. Toward the end of a bender I even stop working (I do house cleaning because it's a job I can do high, yet I still stop doing it when the addiction gets bad enough).  \n\nWhen I'm on a bender my weed habit costs me around $600 a month, sometimes more. I don't have $600 a month to spend on weed, so I stop paying my bills. It finally got so bad I had to move back in with my parents (to really drive home how pathetic this is, I'm forty-fucking-two years old.) \n\nI've also developed a chronic cough and throat problems from burning my throat raw. I tried switching to a vaporizer because of this but I didn't get the same quality high I do from smoking out of a bong. I used to be in pretty good shape but I've put on probably 25 pounds due to the munchies and the general \"fuck-it\" attitude I get about everything. Can't pay the bills? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Friends are slowly drifting away because I never go out anymore? Fuck it, getting high feels good. Craving McDonald's even though I'm cultivating a pot-belly that makes me look 3 months pregnant? Fuck it, getting high feels good, and when I'm high, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING except getting high and feeling good. Or good-ish, as my tolerance builds and it starts to be more about maintenance.\n\nPart of the reason I moved in with my parents, in addition to finances, is that I thought it would be harder to get high around them. But addicts find a way, don't they? About 2 months after I moved in with them I started smoking again--I just go park in a shopping mall parking lot where I'm one of a thousand cars and no one will notice me, and I'll get high until I know my parents have gone to bed. \n\nFor the past 10 years I've never been able to quit for more than about 3 months at a time. I think once I quit for 6 months, but there will always be some incident where I say \"Oh just one puff,\" or someone has it at a party and I'm like \"I'll just smoke tonight at the party,\" but as any addict will tell you it's never \"just one.\" Ever. \n\nI'm posting today looking for some support to help me keep the fuck off the pot. I've actually been to a Marijuana Anonymous support group but it was awful and I can't go back. A room full of 30-40 people all reminiscing about how awesome it is to get high and play video games. The two times I went, I went directly to the dispensary afterward and got high and played video games. \n\nA big part of my problem too is that I have depression and anxiety that are sometimes severe. I've tried antidepressants, diet, exercise, the only thing I've ever found that effectively removes the depression and anxiety is weed, which does it instantaneously. I can literally feel the peace wash over me and through my body when I smoke. So yeah, weed does do something good for me--at the expense of robbing me of everything else that makes life worth living--my home, my friends, my productivity, my pleasure at anything else besides getting high. \n\nI hate that this is what I've turned my life into. And yet. I have my coat on and my keys in my pocket to head to the dispensary right now. I quit for the 800 trillionth time about 2 weeks ago, but Jesus do I want to go get some. I'd say that want is hovering at around 85%. The fucker's in my head right now, \"Just one puff--just get a $5 nug and smoke that and be done. Come on, you know you want to. You know how good it'll feel. It's been a couple weeks since your sorry ass tried to 'quit' so that first hit's going to feel fucking amazing.\"\n\nI know this is a little rambling. Thank you for listening.  ", "answer": "Hey there, fellow Pacific Northwesterner here. Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at the meeting you tried! I'm not in Seattle but I know some folks in the Seattle marijuana anonymous fellowship who are good people, I hope you'll consider trying out a different meeting because they are usually not like that! Welcome and best of luck to you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "8gc5sc", "comment_id": "dyb4ejb"}, {"question": "[15/m] Struggling with a lack of desire to socialize as all my relationships slowly fall apart.", "description": "I'm slowly but surely losing my ability to start a conversation, as well as the fact that socializing is starting to lose its appeal for me. I can't carry (well, sometimes I can but I can never start) an interesting conversation. All I can do is respond to the way people talk to me.\n\nSome might say \"Oh! You just started a conversation! Don't bullshit yourself,\" but that's not exactly the case. This is Reddit, not real life. It wasn't too long ago I was able to carry nice conversations with my friends that lasted for a while, and usually I would start them, but now the words don't come to me anymore. I think \"Hey there's _____, I haven't talked to them in a while!\" and start to approach them but just as I begin to propose something or try and join their group conversation, the words don't come to me, and I just stand there creepily without expression for a brief moment until I decide to leave.\n\nSo I haven't a clue how to solve or fix this, or even if this is on the correct sub (sure seemed like it, considering how it deals with my relationships with people) but I haven't any clue where to go from here, and was curious if anybody struggled with something similar.", "answer": "I would see a therapist in case this is social anxiety and/or depression. Easily solved if you do.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63npb5", "comment_id": "dfvni4g"}, {"question": "How organized are you guys?", "description": "How organized are you guys and how do you guys approach organizing?", "answer": "I became organized after an old boss of mine told me I could not trust my brain, that I HAD to write EVERYTHING down. She was really helpful in me accepting and understand how to work with my ADHD. I use a passion planner and I write tasks down in my weekly to-do lists and I need to have a view of my whole week so I like their weekly spread layout.\n\nI also use the location based reminders on the iPhone. I constantly have reminders pop up in places when I don\u2019t even remember setting them \ud83d\ude06 \n\nI will occasionally do a big brain dump and write down all the tasks/ideas/ stuff that gets clogged up in my brain and causes anxiety (that\u2019s after avoiding it for a week by playing video games) Then I go through and categorize them by putting them on a task list, an idea list written in a journal or on a calendar for a later date. \n\nThe system from www.adultaddsuccesstools.com was incredibly helpful in teaching me about organizing and I highly recommend them. The daily planning pad was integral and it took me a while to get consistent but once I did it was like something clicked.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "91lzw1", "comment_id": "e3f5abi"}, {"question": "What are the first signs of depression?", "description": "I think I might be depressed and don't know what to do.\n\nAll joy seems to have disappeared from life. Everything is a chore,  even playing with my great 6 year old son who is super enthusiastic his dad is home for two weeks for the holidays. \n\nI have a job that pays very well for little effort but I have conflicts with the family who are not manager material and don't show any leadership. I hate every second there. \n\nDuring the weekend and holidays, I sleep till noon and 4 pm I'm exhausted already. \n\nI feel there is nothing to look forward to, even the 3 week roadtrip around Italy my wife is planning for next Summer doesn't excite me.  I'd rather stay home and sleep. \n\nI'm continuously bored,  counting down the hours until I can go to sleep. \n\nAm I depressed and what should I do?  This is not \"really living\"  any more,  just being alive. \n\nThank you for all the comments and help you might offer beforehand. \n\nEDIT... UPDATE...\n\nFirst, thank you very much for all the replies, very much appreciated!\n\nI should add a few more elements that might help you to understand what's going on.\n\nOne. My wife is South Korean and has a very hard time living here in Europe. I'm continuously translating, negociating,... just about anything. She can't help it but it is very tiring.\n\nTwo. My son has some medical condition (non life threatening, thank heavens) that causes him to wake up every two, three hours, need two minutes of attention and then goes back to sleep. So the past five years, I have rarely slept more than 3 hours in one go.\n\nThree. I'm a neat and tidy person and I love minimalism. My student flat used to be, eh, just about empty, just the stuff you need, a few beautiful things, the rest functional. My wife is not. Our house is *full*\u00a8of stuff *everywhere* and as much as I try to organise things, it's no use and it makes me very nervous to see all this *stuff* around me. Not her fault of course, not saying that.\n\nFour. I'm the only one in the household who has an income. My wife doesn't work and doesn't receive any benefits (long story), so although I make good money, money still *always* is tight when three people have to live off it.  Money is a constant worry (that's why I could never afford to pay 80\u20ac an hour or something like that for a psychiatrist, in my country social security does not cover  psychologists or psychiatrists, you have to pay yourself).", "answer": "Yep - either see a GP/PCP or a psychiatrist like me - depending on severity and personal needs, you might wish to consider antidepressants and/or talking therapies.\n\n[Depression](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5kpziy", "comment_id": "dbq83m1"}, {"question": "D&d club", "description": "People who have a d&d club at school, what are the rules? I am trying to start one at my school", "answer": "You will probably need a teacher or other staff member to be a sponsor for it. I would ask your teachers to see if anyone is interested and they can tell you how it would work at your school.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "d310a0", "comment_id": "ezyaxx2"}, {"question": "Has anyone ever tried going through DBT alone (without the help of peers or a therapist)? How has it worked for you so far?", "description": "Not sure if this question has been asked here yet. Just curious about those who go through DBT by following workbooks as guide.", "answer": "https://media4.giphy.com/media/2fs2I4ujlBf20/giphy.gif\n\nYou can do a bunch of great work but you'd be in for a tough job of both the D and the T. Fighting your own cognitions, emotions and invalidation tendencies is tricky to say the least. If trauma or family dynamics are involved in guessing you will end up just finding frustration and endless circles of trying to fake it or out think it. \n\nNot that you can't do it, but that's a tall order. What I love is that almost by definition, if you do it then you prove you are much more stable, persistent, consistent and emotionally aware than whoever diagnosed you believes. \n\nThere's a magic to group that you can't get on your own. Even if 90% of DBT is you working on your own stuff. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6b6bpy", "comment_id": "dhkhloa"}, {"question": "Is there any way to increase EQ? Sometimes I wish people could be straightforward, but since they won't, I have to learn.", "description": "So, a couple separate incidents this week made me realize that, for all the understanding that I've made about aspies and the disorder, I still can't read between the lines. Both come from my mother, who as I said before doesn't recognize mental disorders at all. Because most of my friends know I have Aspies, they tend to treat my emotions with kid gloves (or my SO kicks my shin, which helps), so I appreciate it that my mother goes ballistic, even though it hurts like hell when she calls me a retarded child (I'm 26).\n\nI say I can't take a survey for my sister because I've never touched the product she's trying to survey on, I get chewed at being impolite to my sister. I go to help my aunt with her bag, my aunt says \"It's Okay\", so I back off, and I get yelled at for not being a gentleman.\n\nI feel that, since we don't exactly have a sign hanging around my neck that says \"AUTISTIC\", it's better to \"learn\" how other people think. People like us, it's \"If A then A\", but there's also B and C which may arise and which may cause problems because we don't see, and it gets interpreted as a lack of awareness or empathy. I know I'm failing miserably at my work and my family relationship because of this. It constantly feels like I'm being tested when I don't know I am, and when I forget about the scrutiny, that's when I fuck up.\n\nSo there must be a way to learn this right? There must be a way to learn empathy and see subtexts.", "answer": "I am an aspie who is currently in graduate school for clinical social work.  It is a profession that relies a lot on reading other people.  I have always wanted to be a counselor and when I was diagnosed with asperger's I was afraid I would never make the cut. \n\nI asked my diagnosing psychologist what she thought of me trying to become a licensed counselor or social worker and she said that, not only would i make a great counselor, but a counseling or social work graduate program would likely be the best possible training in social skills that an aspie could receive (better than social skills groups/training). \n\nI just finished a year long internship as a clinical social worker and I actually did a great job counseling folks. \n\nMy point is that you can absolutely learn better empathy and communication.  You can do it by actually reading about empathy and communication and listening skills, and then actively practicing what you learn.  \n\nI think the differences between aspies and NT's isn't that aspies can't learn social communication. It is that they have to make an effort to learn. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "26f6a8", "comment_id": "chqgzxa"}, {"question": "Infidelity. Why?", "description": "I have recently found out that my husband has been having an affair with a colleague of both of ours.\nHe left our marriage and moved straight in with her. Leaving me and 2 children.\n\nHe has denied the affair saying that they only started dating after he had stayed with her for a week because he had nowhere else to go. \nHowever, I have discovered that when I surprised him with a trip away so he could see his friends he took his \"girlfriend\". Treated her to a nice meal. All paid for by me. \n\nHe states our marriage hasn't been good for ages. True enough we have had issues but I wanted to work at it because I love him. He, on the other hand, turned to another woman. She gave him attention etc when our marriage was tough. \n\nI feel so broken. My heart has been shredded into a million pieces. \n\nPart of me wanted him back until I found out that he has been very physical with my kids (usually when I was at work). \n\nNow, I need to accept that my marriage is over. He has been having an affair for months. Etc etc.\n\nIt's extremely difficult for me to sleep or eat or anything really. I analyse if I ever really knew the man I married. \n\nHow do we get over such betrayal as an affair? Especially when the spouse leaves to be with \"the other woman\"?\n\nI should hate him and move on, but he is all I think about. I am obsessing over this period in my life. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. \n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Eventually, you'll probably decide you'd rather be happy, rather than allow someone else's behavior ruin your life. \n\nBut right now you're still grieving and could use all the help you can get. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b8ru2", "comment_id": "dhkover"}, {"question": "I need an online counselor but I'm too young", "description": "I'm fed up with saying I can solve problems on my own, because it clearly isn't working. I know there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. I need to speak with a professional about it, but I can't without consent from a parent.\n\nI can't tell my parents about any of this because they still treat me like I'm a child. I'm turning 18 this year, but they're still gonna treat my mental state like it's something I'm making up or that it's just hormones. It's not, and I know it.\n\nLegally I'm supposed to get consent from an adult before I can do online counseling. I need help, but I don't know where to get it.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nI personally don't recommend online therapy for your age group. It's quite different than in-person work and developmentally there are a lot of things that can be missed if your counseling relationship is solely through an online platform. Online therapy is good for certain types of specific mild concerns, social phobias, physical difficulties in transport to an office, or living in a rural area with few in-person options available. I would not start there if I were you.\n\nIf you are 17, are you still in high school? If so, your school may have some resources available to you that you can talk to a professional through without parents specifically knowing. It likely won't be a full counseling process, but you may be able to get a better idea of what's going on so that your next choices about treatment will be more informed.\n\nAlso, check your state laws: some states allow minors of a certain age to see a mental health professional for a certain number of sessions without parental consent if the concerns are grave enough to warrant it. In my state, for example, a minor age 13-17 can reach out to a designated agency/place/advocacy group to speak with a mental health professional without needing parental consent if it is due to a mental health crisis or acute substance use issue. What counts as either of those is defined by the minor. That might be a possible option for you as a very short term solution.\n\nI would encourage though, trying to have a more thorough discussion with your parents and see if they will at least entertain the idea. I've had some of my 17 year olds come in with parents just to sign the consent forms and then engage with me entirely on their own.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em1qzk", "comment_id": "fdlr33e"}, {"question": "I've fallen in-love [30 M] with my wife's [28F] former best friend [27 F]. It happened because i sought comfort in her after my wife insisted she needs an open relationship to be happy. It's complicated and I really need help how I should proceed.", "description": "I really don't want to make this long because I can ramble about this for hours.\n\nI'll give a brief background, my wife and I have been together for 9 years. She's the first girl I've ever had sex with, and 5th girl I kissed. Her friend, Ana, is actually my childhood friend, but we lost touch over the years until College when my wife met Ana at a party. \n\nAna is unusually gorgeous. She's super cute, sexy and has an adorable smart personality to match. However, she has a messed up childhood where she was abused, raped, looked down upon by all her relatives because her parents were poor. As such, she has a complex where she only dates super rich men to compensate for her inferiority complex.\n\nWhile my wife and Ana got close quick, within a 2 months they were each other's best friends. I noticed, Ana and I clicked as well. We got each other and could talk for hours and hours and never get tired. There was a strong mutual attraction but we never acted upon it.\n\nThe 3 of us were effectively best buds for years. Ana's boyfriends came and went, until she met the richest (and actually nicest guy) of them all. A guy easily worth 100M+. They got married, however it was around that time some friction developed between my wife and Ana.\n\nMy wife caught her in a number of lies, and she noticed Ana was ditching/cancelling on her to go to high-society events. Now, in Ana's defense, she told me it was very hard for her to get out of given her husband. And she couldn't tell my wife because my wife made a big deal previously about Ana changing and was no longer her fun carefree self. I saw both sides of their argument (leaned toward Ana's side honestly) and tried to reason with them.\n\nHowever, it didn't workout and they have't talked properly in years. Ana and I remained close however, my wife knew she was also my best friend and fortunately never tried to keep us apart. She trusted us.\n\nAnyway, that's the history. Now for the present.\n\nMy wife and I have an odd relationship. We're very different people personality wise, she's super confident and outgoing while I'm less so (but probably more so than the average guy). My wife is also a model and gets a lot attention. I say out relationship is odd because it seems, while we have great sexual chemistry...and i guess what i'd call cuddle chemistry, we don't have deep conversations like I did with Ana. I don't know why, because we're both very similar it's just we don't click well conversation wise. \n\nApparently though, that bothers my wife a lot and she over the last year, kept bringing up the possibility that we're too different to have a happy relationship. She said, she supresses those feelings because she feels so damn safe and attracted to me, but she can't help it. She said even though our sex life is great, it's not what she wants. She wants a confident man who'd dance (i don't dance well), seduce her and then give her some super rough sex. I like rough sex up to a point, I don't like the scraping, biting that my wife does.\n\nThere were times when she was adamant about wanting this, we'd agree to separate, but then as soon as she realized I'd pursue other women, she'd say she didn't wanna lose me and doesn't want anyone but me. This has happened 3 times in the last year, and when I take her back, she's the sweetest most loving and convincing thing ever. \n\nUp until last week, when she said she's 100% sure she wants an open relationship......because she tested the water, she went out dancing on her own (I assumed she was with friends) and realized she loved nothing more than seducing men in danceeclubs.\n\nSo that left me broken. And i spoke to Ana about it.\n\nAna, coincidentally got kicked out her husbands place the day before (which I had no clue). So we were both a bit sad/broken/distraught. We've literally be chatting non stop for a few days now.\n\nSo on Friday night we went out for drinks, and then went for a drive by the beach and lied down on her 200K mercedes (that her husband bought for her) and just watched the stars and talked for 3 hours. We could have stayed literally forever, it was so wonderful being with her.\n\nI then kissed her.......and it was the most romantic meaningful kiss of my life. We made out for a few mins but then stopped (well it was me who stopped it) and said we shouldn't go further as even though our marriages are falling apart, we shouldn't cheat (I kno we already did but still).\n\nAna's moving into a new place today and is begging me to move in with her.\n\nI don't know what I want. I don't want to jump into another relationship, and also not with Ana. I love the girl but she's a handful sometimes. \n\nMy wife is doing the back and forth thing where she's now apologizing for saying she wants other men and just wants me. To be Frank, I don't have it in my heart to want to be emotionally close to my wife given her indecisiveness. It messes with me more than I care to admit.\n\nAlso wrt to Ana, I do love her, but I also can't see us working well as a couple given her past boyfriends. I make 120k which is NOT rich compared to the lifestyle Ana had.\n\nAlso, Ana always tells me she doesn't have a high sex drive, i do. I'm used to sex 3-4 times a week with my wife. \n\nBut despite that, Ana and I have some real. She's dated far more people than i have and she said she only ever felt this way with me.\n\nMy wife doesn't know we kissed, but was pissed as hell at me for going out with Ana alone by the beach. She said it was totally inappropriate. And also said she's pretty sure I cheated on her or wanted too (I guess she knows us well enough), but we both denied it.\n\nWhat do you advise reddit? \n\nEnd my marriage? Stay friends or at least FWB with Ana (we're both ok with that too)? Do you think what I Ana and I have is real? I suspect it is but I haven't been in a new relationship for so long. Should I try with Ana? Should I try to work things out with my wife or is too late?\n  \n  ---   \n  **tl;dr**: \n\n- I have a huge crush on my wife's best friend of 7-8 years \n- She and my wife are no longer close but she allows us to be friends.\n- My wife over the last year has expressed dissatisfaction with out relationship and wants a open one. I don't want it and don't think I can handle it.\n- As of last week, my wife is 100% sure she wants to be open.\n- I've sort of fallen for her beautiful friend Ana, who is also my best friend too.\n- Ana just broke up with her husband (well he left her and kicked her out), which happened literally a day apart from me deciding to call it quits with my wife.\n- My wife still wants to try, however I'm fed up of being the nice guy who's always there, she changes her mind every so often especially when she think she can lose me.\n- I love Ana but something in me is afraid of getting into a relationship with her. It's either knowing her past with guys and feeling like I don't measure up. Or feeling like we work really well as friends and i don't wanna lose that. \n- However, we did kiss and it was amazing for both of us.", "answer": "Falling in love has almost nothing to do with successful relationships. \n\nYou all sound like children, which, at least for Ana, is consistent with her trauma history. \n\nPump the brakes until your life slows down. Go talk to a counselor.\n\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7yvl2n", "comment_id": "dujfevr"}, {"question": "Options for dealing with miserable (likely) dyshidrotic eczema?", "description": "[Photo](https://onicrafts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/20190726_122756.jpg)\n\n38 YOWM. 5'11, 165#. \n\nThis is on the right foot only. Tiny, fluid-filled vesicles all over the toes and foot that itch like mad. I've had it going on probably 15+ years, and lately it seems to be getting worse. Flare-ups once or twice weekly. The itch is so intense it's overwhelming. I often resort to using sandpaper to take skin off until it hurts instead of itches, because I can at least sleep with pain. The open spot on the little toe in the photo is due to scratching.\n\nI haven't seen a doctor for it yet, have tried lots of OTC creams to no avail. At its worst I've actually thought about amputating the toes, the itch is so bad (not that I would actually do that).\n\nI've read the common recommendation is to keep the feet moist; unfortunately, I'm also prone to athlete's foot, and I'm supposed to keep my feet *dry* to prevent that. So, I opted to go with the eczema, because at least that isn't contagious. I understand this condition is potentially lifelong without much for treatment or cures, but there's got to be *something*, it's getting worse and it's starting to interfere with daily life a lot.", "answer": "It sounds like it's time to see a doctor. Among other options, higher potency topical steroids could be helpful. There are also topical calcineurin inhibitors, which I know are used for eczema and are not as fast-acting but could prevent these outbreaks, potentially. A dermatologist would be the expert for this kind of thing, but primary care can get you started.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ci67uj", "comment_id": "ev1t6nm"}, {"question": "I [23/f] am a psychiatrist and think I have fallen in love with my patient [27/m].", "description": "Ever since I was assigned to this man, there was something about him that just intrigued me. He is totally fucking insane, maybe even  past the point of no return, but there is just something about him. Every time we interact he says all the right things and he always makes me blush, but his past is not something that can be ignored. I am thinking of how wonderful our lives would be if I helped him escape, but a small part of me is shouting at me telling me that this is wrong and my patient is a monster. What should I do in this situation??", "answer": "r/creativewriting might be a good place to channel your energy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "bbw17s", "comment_id": "eks2187"}, {"question": "Is she cheating? Am I overly worried or blinded by love?", "description": "So redittors, this is my first post on her. Heres the lowdown:\n\nWe've been married six years and seeing each other before that for eight. I've never had a reason to mistrust my wife and she has been extremely loyal and dedicated. \n\nI am currently working abroad (there is a time difference so I was getting up for work when all this went on) and the other night she went with her usual gang of mates... no one to suspect anything with there. So she gets in and missed skype calls me. Which is unusual, so i thought there might be a problem with the kids or something. So I ring back with no answer. A while goes by and I am worried in case she is in trouble.\n\nSo maybe the worst thing I've ever done I check find my iphone (its a shared account before you ask) to make sure she's not at hospital with the kids or something. The weird thing is at four o'clock in the morning her phone is now heading out of town along a main road. I watch it as it goes to a garage and then stops in a village.\n\nIts her new phone and I'm thinking that she's either had it stolen or left it in the taxi. So I ring the house phone and my daughter answers who says she's not there. This is now five in the morning. Now im mega concerned for her safety and generally what is going on. So I try ringing her and whatsapping her. To no response.\n\nI have to go and do some work so I keep an eye on it, but to be honest I was thinking of calling the police as i didn't know what had happened to her. \n\nThen at 0810 the phone starts moving again from that location, again follows roads at the right travel speeds and I follow it back to our house. Again I try ringing to see what was happening. I ring the house phone again and my daughter tells me my wife has just got in.\n\nMy wife then wont speak to me for most of the day, I speak to her best mate who says she dropped my wife off in a taxi at our house at three and has no idea what is going on.\n\nWhen I do speak to my wife she says she was at home, my daughter didn't see her as she had passed out in the ensuite and that she was up and about looking for her bank card that she lost as she was so drunk the night before and hadn't come home then.\n\nI've been away for Xmas and to be frank this has been shit. I've asked about it all but she just denies it and says nothing happened and she was at home the whole time. Not even an excuse like going to an after party. I also checked with apple to see if there can be such discrepancies and they have said no there can't be, which I pretty much thought, the way it was moving.\n\nI know looking from the outside it may seem pretty obvious what has happened, or am I jumping to conclusions? The facts show that her phone defo went to that location and stayed for three hours before returning home. And I think my daughter knows how my wife was dressed when she went out. Also if she was as drunk as she and her friends say she was there's no way she'd be getting up at 0830 to look for her bank card.\n\nI don't want to throw away 8 years and our family, but I really think something has happened. I'm back home in a few days and want to sort this out so it doesn't linger over us but she is just denying everything. Thoughts please guys and girls?", "answer": "you'll just have to talk it out when you get home", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kfk6u", "comment_id": "dbnsdtx"}, {"question": "Adderrall for ADHD & Effexor for GAD; is this a bad idea?", "description": "Patient Info: Female. 28. 5\u20197\u201d. 160 lbs.\n\nDiagnosed: ADHD 2015. \n\nCurrent Meds/Dosage: Adderall IR 30mg 2x daily; multivitamin 1x daily; CBD oil as needed (non-THC)\n\nOther: Therapy 1x weekly for 6 months for postpartum anxiety; currently 9 months postpartum. \n\nAt my Therapist\u2019s recommendation, I saw my doctor to receive medication for anxiety since CBT alone has not been effective. My doctor is aware that I take Adderall & my dosage. When considering anxiety meds, he was initially leaning towards an SSRI, but I\u2019ve taken them before & they were ineffective. So he opted for an SNRI: Effexor; 37.5mg 1x daily. \n\nI did myself a frighten by googling Adderall & Effexor. Is the potential for serotonin syndrome really high? Also, I read the withdrawal side effects of Effexor are hell, which makes me nervous. \n\nI have a good relationship with my doctor. Should I be concerned about the Adderall & Effexor combo? Or am I just overreacting? Would something else work better for my anxiety symptoms that I can take with the Adderall?\n\nAny advice is appreciated. \n\nDisclaimer: I\u2019m also a doctor\u2019s wife, but I don\u2019t talk to him about my routine medical care generally. Please let me know if there are reactions I should be advising him to look out for in me taking both Adderall & Effexor.\n\nEdit: Format fix. Mobile is hard.", "answer": "That's not a combination that gives me concern for serotonin syndrome. It's not all that unusual to take Adderall with an SSRI/SNRI.\n\nEffexor discontinuation is more common and more unpleasant than many other antidepressant discontinuation syndromes; all the SNRIs have that problem. It can be done, but slowly.\n\nAt doses lower than 75 mg or so, Effexor really isn't an SNRI, though. It's just an SSRI. The norepinephrine reuptake inhibition only kicks in at higher doses. If it works, great; if it doesn't, it's not yet doing the thing you picked it for.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bhvqy7", "comment_id": "elw8kx8"}, {"question": "Advice", "description": "I'm a 40 year old male who as met a 36 year old  woman who I really like, she's beautiful, funny and intelligent. We have had 4 dates so far but on the 4th date she told me she would still like us to see each other but only as friends and see if any romance develops. I'm not sure what to do, should I keep seeing her at the risk that something might not  happen or burn my bridges and move on. ", "answer": "She could be just being cautious. If no romance develops after say 10 dates, then that's the answer. I'd hang in for a little while. Much to gain, little to lose!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xspvr", "comment_id": "dmi6gcj"}, {"question": "When did YOU know that you had ADD/ADHD?", "description": "What I'm trying to ask is, when was it apparent for you that you were suffering from something?  Any defining moments or stories?", "answer": "There were multiple, multiple signs, but the big one was waiting until the day before a 40 page paper was due to start on it....", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "1081l0", "comment_id": "c6caug1"}, {"question": "Scared to talk to my doctor about my problem.", "description": "I'm under aged and I'm worried that if i tell my doctor about my depression / anxiety problem he'll think i'm just searching for pills. I've tried counselling and that did nothing for me. What should i do/say? I just want to get better.", "answer": "Considering that you can't get high from anti-depressants, it's unlikely that your doctor will think you're drug seeking", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "v3xqd", "comment_id": "c51r2a0"}, {"question": "When did you realize you had to work harder than everyone else?", "description": "For me, it was during my college years. I spent almost a year trying to learn social rules, going as far as designing personal theories and principles to understand how/why people thought and communicated in certain ways. It didn't occur to me that these ideas were automatically understood by NTS, and in some cases I still don't understand certain ways they communicate.\n\nAutism can be an uphill battle.", "answer": "I had a sense of it for most of my life, but didn\u2019t accept it until I was almost 30.  I got diagnosed shortly afterward. ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "81z6se", "comment_id": "dv73y2s"}, {"question": "Medical records help... baby's blood type...drug test etc", "description": "21yr old female\nApproximately 120lbs\nApproximately 5'5\nSmoker and obvious drug user\nNo prescribed medication\n\nThe stats are of the mother who gave birth...but all my questions are about the baby's health....\n\nI have removed any identifying information (I believe- if I missed any please let me know)\n\nThe mother is A+ and if I am reading this right (I honestly don't know), the baby is AB-? Am I reading this correctly?  If so, what are the possible blood types of the father?\n\nBaby's blood type? Mom is A+.. dad would be??? https://imgur.com/a/uYATFNc\n\nThe second photo is testing of the baby's meconium. I would assume the best results would have been all 0's...but I don't know what these levels mean. I fully admit I have next to no knowledge of drugs and IANAD, But the one comes back from Google search as PCP!!! I didn't even think that still existed...so maybe it's something else?\n\nThis is being done for the welfare of the baby, and see what future problems she may have from the drugs...oh so many questions, so I would appreciate any insight.\n\nEdit: adding surrounding pages to the drug panel with identifying information covered/removed\n\nDrug tests...pgs 26-2", "answer": "Because you cut off the headings we can't tell what the columns are on the meconium drug panel. My guess is that the left is the cutoff for positive and the right is the detected value, so all of the labs on the baby are negative. That would agree with the \"infant UDS negative\" line in the report. I wouldn't read anything into having non-zeroes on the right if they're below the cutoff for positive, because the method of detection will quite possibly read non-zeroes into zeroes.\n\nBecause nothing is said about the baby's blood type in this report, just the mother's, it's possible for the baby and father to have any blood type. If the father isn't A or AB, the baby can't be AB or B, but we don't know.\n\nThere's no reason to expect any particular health problems for this baby. THC exposure might not be great, but it's not clearly terrible like alcohol, and we don't really know what it does.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5tbby", "comment_id": "ejfvbqy"}, {"question": "Prescription translation", "description": "Hello, so I know this is for restoril, but I'm wondering what's written under it and what it means. See link below! Thank you :)\n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/fse0v", "answer": "Quick question (sorry for hijacking the thread) - isn't there regulations in the US regarding prescriptions? Most of mine are electronically printed, but when I do write scripts I always use block capitals and no abbreviations. Honestly, im not sure any pharmacy in the UK would accept this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6emwan", "comment_id": "dibu4u2"}, {"question": "I [19m] and my gf [18/f] of two years agreed to open relationship.. Something [f/18] has come up, and I need advice.", "description": "Okay. So, my gf and I have known each other for about two years, and have been together for about a year and a half. When I left for college (she is a HS senior now, I am a college freshman), we had The Talk (TM) about where we were going. At that point, we loved each other a lot and we wanted to end up together. She proposed that we could try some sort of open relationship, and see how that worked out. \n\nMy gf was previously in an extremely emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that she broke off shortly before we became a thing. She has what seem to me to be symptoms of serious depression (insomnia, crying all the time, even sometimes when we're together even though she says she's happiest when she's with me), and recently she's told me that she doesn't feel like going on, that everyone would be better off without her. I've recognized that she needs help for almost a year now, and I've been pushing to get her into therapy. She recognizes that she needs help, but in any sort of serious conversation with anyone but me, and even sometimes with me, she bursts into tears. She is terrified of talking to people, she cannot talk on the phone, and she doesn't really have any close friends/support group outside of me. In addition, she has a younger brother who runs away all the time, smokes and drinks, etc etc, and he occupies center stage in the family (single mother). My gf's mother says she knows my gf needs therapy, and has called many therapy agencies, but it always ends the same way. They say they have assigned a therapist to my gf, that the therapist will call to set up an appointment within a week, but this call never comes. This has happened as far as I can tell four times at two different agencies.\n\nI know she needs help, I am terrified of hurting her further after all she's gone through in her life. Sometimes she seems okay (we talk over text, and I visit home to see her every other weekend) but other times she spirals and I just don't know what I can do to help her.\n\nNow to what's come up. We had talked extensively about open relationship stuff, especially me finding a fwb at college to take care of me sexually when we weren't together. My gf is also attracted to girls, so we talk a lot about me finding a \"third\" to bring back to her. A few nights ago, one of my friends came in from a party down the hall and said that this girl (who I've thought was attractive since I first saw her, and had kind of a crush on her) said that I was the \"hottest guy on the floor\". I mustered my not-being-an-awkward-piece-of-crap and went over to the party, talked to her a bit, got her number, and asked her over to watch a movie the following night. She had never done the relationship thing, I was the first person she ever made out with, etc, and it was amazing. There was alcohol involved but nothing happened until about two hours after the last drink. \n\nI explained my situation to her and she said she was open minded and okay with me being in an open relationship, as long as my gf was okay with it, and I showed her the text that said \"This is my formal confirmation that I am giving you permission for anything :P\". So we made out, cuddled, etc, pants stayed on, shirts came off.\n\nSo the girl down the hall does not know what she wants, she said definitely not a real relationship, which would be good as far as I can tell. She is still deciding what she wants. I told her \"Just know that I don't expect anything from you, and I would be fine with being just friends if that's what you decide, but I definitely enjoyed last night\", and she replied \"wow you're [sic] gf is so lucky [cryingHappyFaceEmoji]\" \"I'll let you know what I decide [smilingBlushFaceEmoji]\".\n\nThis was yesterday morning and I've been compulsively checking my phone for a text from her. \n\nMy gf and I had a long, tough conversation around the same time, over text, which basically came down to she feels useless and that everyone would be better off without her. I didn't know what to say, so I tried to comfort her, and we ended up deciding to step our relationship down a notch to some sort of close-friends-who-care-about-each-other-and-also-still-love-each-other-although-she-probably-needs-and-wants-me-more-than-I-need-and-want-her with benefits. I'm not going to say it was an entirely mutual decision, we arrived at that unspoken point in the conversation if that makes any sense, she voiced it, I took some time to think about it, and ultimately said that I thought that might be best for right now.\n\nI think there is a large chance I am making or have already made a huge mistake that has the potential to destroy my relationship with my gf (which has been suffering because I am her only support group, it's a lot of pressure, ldr, things get kind of stale, etc.). Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. The thing is, the girl down the hall is amazing, she's really cute, and she's new and exciting and I can't stop thinking about her.\n\nI don't know if I just needed to vent, but any advice would be welcomed. There's... a lot that I've left out in the interest of keeping this a manageable length, but I think what I have written includes the most important details. If there's any other relevant information that would help, I'd be glad to add.\n\nSorry for the long post, if you've made it this far you deserve a thumbs up and a firm handshake.", "answer": "open relationships seldom work.  monogamy is too ingrained in our culture and psychological upbringing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s6wy", "comment_id": "dfgu6zh"}, {"question": "Mother drinking secretively. Should I tell my father?", "description": "I would very much appreciate some advice. Approx. 5 years ago I noticed that my mother was drinking secretively and I spoke to her about it. She said this was true and that she would stop. I didn't tell anyone else other than my partner. The process of me noticing the secret drinking, mentioning it to her and her saying she will stop has repeated about five times since.\n\nI quite recently told my sister, though my mother asking me not to do so. My sister has spoken to her about it, having found a few empty booze bottles hidden. My sister and I recently spoke to her together over the phone and we said she needed to tell my father or we would do it. She's refusing, giving a lot of excuses but none that seem any good to me (she thinks it will damage the relationship, he will feel so upset and guilty, things are so good with the two of them and this will spoil it, the secret drinking is in the past as she definitely won't do any more as our speaking to her like this has been a big deal and she and hasn't drunk secretively for four months and will only drink once a week and never secretively...).\n\nShe's desperate for us not to tell him and wants me to trust her that she's stopped. The situation is complicated by the fact that I live at the other side of the country and cannot tell how much she has really changed her behavior or if she has just altered it on the occasions when she's with me. I don't know what to do. I've seen her getting a bit drunk in a sad, angry way during public drinking too. I haven't seen this for several years, but I spend so little time with her in person that this doesn't tell me much.\n\nShe is literally begging me not to tell and I do think it's possible that my sister and I making a big deal out of it and threatening to tell my father has shocked her, and she may stop it. But it's so hard for me to monitor if she is doing it, I don't know how much of problem she has and if I'm enabling it and making it worse by keeping the secret or actually if it's not much of a problem, and I don't like keeping this secret from my father. I have no idea if she's an alcoholic. Is she asking me to keep a secret in a way that would be weird for most families? What's normal? Is it important that I tell my father? Thanks.\n\nedit: Things people have said I should address in this post: \n\nMy Dad is not against alcohol and drinks it.\n\nAs far as I know,she has not in the past been found to be an alcoholic - but IDK.\n\nAs far as I know, this habit is not damaging her financially.\n\nThe reasons she wants to hide it are imo: she uses it as a way of controlling unpleasant emotions - she says this is the case. She doesn't tend to share these emotions and reaching out for support - I think she has a low sense of self-worth and often doesn't believe how much people love her and how much it is fine for her to ask for support. She's instinctively scared of showing these emotions. She also feels my dad has been practically and emotionally unavailable, particularly in the past, so this way she has 'sorted out the emotions' without involving him. She likes to present an image that she is just fine so drinks in secret. She is secretive about other things too eg problems in her life.\n\nIf she is an alcoholic, I think she is a 'functioning' one.", "answer": "I'd be inclined to say something. Id rather alcohol dependant individuals recognised the consequences of their actions and subsequently think about changing their behaviours than becoming complacent and dying of all sorts of hideous complications.\n\nEdit: im an addictions psychiatrist. This is a women who should be in my services.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5245mt", "comment_id": "d7h8skl"}, {"question": "What's the most ignorant thing you've been told?", "description": "friends find out i take adderall and think i'm lucky.\n\ni mean sure, if you think being tired all day and being unable to maintain focus on one thing is considered lucky.\n\nedit: spelling", "answer": "Not super ignorant, just lacking information, but \"doesn't ritalin really affect your sleep?\" \n\nYes. If I take it too late it does. But ya know what? I'd rather take it late and not get divorced or lose my child than have a good night's sleep. Haha", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bl7spu", "comment_id": "emmh1vz"}, {"question": "Does anyone feel like they missed their opportunity to go a little wild as a young adult?", "description": "I basically always followed the rules throughout high school, college, and am now struggling with this in grad school. I never partied and now I'd like to but am just not in the right place in my life for it. I didn't experience other relationships (just, like, three hook ups) before my now-fiance, though I love him to death and would never trade him for anything. I just feel like I missed out on so many opportunities to learn about myself and go a little crazy. \n\nDoes anyone else ever feel this way? What do you tell yourself? \n\nObviously I can't get this time back but I have so many regrets and it feels like this missed opportunity has impacted who I am now in negative ways, like not being able to relate to other people's experiences and stories and maybe even hindering my own ability to make friends.", "answer": "You can't get the time back, but for many of these things, that doesn't mean you can't still have some phase of your life that you go through that or some aspect.  \n\n\nYou're in grad school, you're engaged, but you're not dead.  \n\n\nIf you want to drink, experiment with drugs, go to clubs, go on some crazy road trips, etc. (whatever it means to you to \"go a little wild\") you can still do it.  There's nobody stopping you but yourself.  \n\n\nAs far as hookups go.  Well, you may have to decide on whether your current relationship and engagement is worth giving up the chance for that (unless of course a conversation can be had about having an open/poly relationship).  If it is, then that's something you've missed out on in life, but you also got the chance to experience what is hopefully a loving, secure, and meaningful partnership which many folks NEVER get to experience.  \n\n\nAll in all, I like just about anyone, have plenty of regrets (usually centered around things I wish I would have done but didn't).  When those thoughts start to really bother me, I look at my life and myself right now.  Overall, I'm happy with my life, my self, and my relationships.  Had a single thing changed in my past, it's likely I wouldn't be in the same position I am right now.  Would it be better?  Maybe.  Would it be worse?  Maybe.  I don't know and have no way of ever knowing.  What I do know is that I'm happy and okay with the way things are right now and every action, inaction, and choice led me to where I am.  That helps me be content despite feeling some regret every now and then.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "cjutmp", "comment_id": "evgzdp0"}, {"question": "Is it addiction if its dumb and doesn\u2019t hurt me?", "description": "Can something be described as an addiction if it doesn\u2019t hurt me? To describe this, I haven\u2019t gone a day since 4th grade where I went in public without makeup. I am a junior now. Even to the pool, I have to wear makeup. In 4th grade, I started to get acne. My mom started to tell me to put concealer on it because it looked bad and I was being made fun of for it (people would count how many pimples I had, called me pimple face, etc.) Ever since then, I have never gone a day without acne and therefore makeup. The makeup doesn\u2019t cause my acne as it\u2019s hormonal and I do go days without makeup. I\u2019m on birth control but it is not helping. On the days I don\u2019t wear makeup, I feel extremely ugly and cannot look at myself and feel even okay about it. However, once I put makeup on, I feel amazing and beautiful. I have tried to wean myself off of makeup but I get extreme anxiety and other people confirm that I look like im having a bad skin day or no sleep on the days with less makeup. Is it an addiction or something else?", "answer": "Not an addiction in the traditional sense. Not even problematic that you enjoy wearing makeup/wear it every day, etc. I guess the only problems you would face by wearing makeup is that it could slow you down getting out of the house, or might prevent you from doing fun things (i.e. swimming, sweaty sports). Don't know how old you are or what else you've tried for acne, but you might ask your doctor about Accutane. It was the only thing that worked for my hormonal (adult-onset) acne.", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "6lnn5z", "comment_id": "djv77c9"}, {"question": "Having trouble defining a higher power as a nonbeliver.", "description": "Working on \"Improve the Moment\" this week and while discussing the Prayer part of improve it was mentioned that we should \"hand it over to a higher power\" This phrase has come up infrequently before, just in passing rather than anything we went into on any deeper level. \n\nWhen the discussion of non believers came up today it was suggested that the therapy group itself could serve as the higher power for those who do not believe in a divine power. \n\nThis suggestion isn't sitting right with me. If I'm worried about something instead of \"Let go and let God\" that I \"Let go and let Group\"? I just don't get how this could evoke any feeling of relief or release as it would for those who believe they are handing it to an entity that created existence with the power to answer prayer as opposed to a bunch of people who have struggled through life the same as I do. \n\nI'm wondering if any one else has any other suggestions from a agnostic/atheistic viewpoint? ", "answer": "As a fellow athiest, my belief in a higher power comes through when I consider the inner-connected web of beings that exist within the universe, which often fills me with great awe and purpose, similar to what I imagine religious folks feel about \"God.\"", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "91sdz3", "comment_id": "e31ol92"}, {"question": "Is/are there vitamin supplements I can take to help reduce dark circles under my eyes?", "description": "I (23F) have terrible circles under my eyes 100% of the time and it makes me look both way older than I am and like I lost a fight against a boxing kangaroo, and while I understand general health can contribute to these circles/bags, is there a vitamin I can take (or several?) to help reduce these bags and brighten up the skin around my eyes? I don\u2019t use makeup and this anti-aging cream doesn\u2019t really work. \n\nI can admit that I\u2019m definitely deficient in most vitamins and I do want to change that but I was wondering if there\u2019s a particular vitamin I could take to help them.", "answer": "I don\u2019t believe that dark circles are associated with any nutritional causes or deficiencies. They are more associated with poor sleep, atopy (particularly allergic rhinitis and eczema), and a few other dermatological problems.\n\nA \u201cbad diet\u201d in first world countries rarely leads to nutritional deficiencies requiring vitamin supplementation. Most of the belief in that is advertising hype from vitamin sellers. There\u2019s no evidence that they\u2019re helpful and a little bit that they\u2019re harmful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "il9ulz", "comment_id": "g3r18aw"}, {"question": "Back to day 1 on this Monday", "description": "I caved because I just wasn't feeling good about myself, now I feel even worse. Instead of just saying \"oh well, I already messed up, just keep going,\" I am starting on day 1 again. Time to work on building my confidence so I don't feel the need to rely on alcohol to get me through rough times. IWNDWYT!", "answer": "I like the difference between a lapse and a relapse...the lapse stops when you catch it and start again. Much more hopefull. Best wishes everyone. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8s06vo", "comment_id": "e0vkttm"}, {"question": "Coumadin and Lexapro - please explain the mechanics of the increased bleeding risk. Is it only based around PT/INR?", "description": "Hi there.  I'm on Coumadin and I was prescribed Lexapro for crippling anxiety (which leads to depression). I've read that there is an increased bleeding risk.  What I'm trying to figure out is this:  Is the bleeding risk ONLY because the medicines can make the INR go higher?  Or are there some other undetectable factors (like risk of developing ulcers/stroke/whatever)?\n\nWhat I'm getting at is that if there is no considerable danger to me as long as I stay on top of keeping my Coumadin and INR within my target range, then I'm fine with that.  But if there are other bleeding risks that won't affect (or show up) my INR - just underlying things I won't or can't know about, then I'm going to have a really hard time trying to talk myself into starting the Lexapro.\n\nThanks for reading and I'm very much looking forward to responses - and hopefully a little bit of hope because things are bad right now.", "answer": "SSRIs like Lexapro do not significantly directly increase INR. There are a couple of indirect interactions.\n\nOne is that SSRIs inherently inhibit platelet function, which in turn creates at least theoretical risk of bleeding. The other is that many SSRIs can alter the cytochrome P450 enzyme family which is responsible for metabolizing warfarin, which in turn can make it more or less effective and therefore raise or lower INR.\n\nLexapro and Celexa are two of the more recommended SSRIs to combine with warfarin because of the relatively little cytochrome P450 interaction. There's more bleeding risk if your INR is already elevated, but probably not a clinically significant effect if you have a therapeutic INR.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92gtdt", "comment_id": "e35n8fg"}, {"question": "Vanity as an incentive... I'll take it", "description": "I'm a 50F, and all my life, I've never focused much on my outward appearance. Some would call me \"low-maintenance.\" \n\nI drank regularly my whole adult life, and really amped it up in my 40s. I was a chronic daily drinker and suffered daily hangovers. They became my norm. But since I quit drinking a few months ago, I also improved my diet and exercise, as well as general hygiene habits that fell by the wayside when I was drinking. Now I do meditation, have a better outlook, more confidence, and so on. \n\nIn the past month, people have been commenting positively on my appearance. A 20-something asked me about my workout routine after noticing my \"cut\" arms (I had to figure out what that meant--it means I have muscle definition in my arms). I ran into a man I dated in my teens, and my sister later said, \"I bet it was nice to see him after all these years with how good you look now.\" My aunt has told me I don't look 50. And this past weekend, I was in a new environment, and 3 strangers said I was \"pretty.\" Me--pretty!\n\nThe internal improvements I've made since quitting alcohol have been worth every ounce of effort. I'm healthier, have more energy, and feel more content and peaceful. And knowing that I have overcome a burden that has plagued me most of my adult life has given me a real momentum now that I'm 50. I feel like my life has more hope and I'm not afraid of aging anymore.\n\nAnd at a time when many women my age are fearing losing their looks, my outward appearance is improving. Damn, people... I'm pretty! So another reason not to drink is for vanity, and I'll take it.", "answer": "Vanity is as good as any. Enjoy the compliments, you've earned them. Iwndwyt", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cg215p", "comment_id": "eue9prc"}, {"question": "How to not be seen as a sexual object, or be seen as MORE than that", "description": "I have been single forever and I think my biggest obstacle, aside from the non-committal city I live in, is the fact that I think I'm solely being seen as a sexual object.  I suspect this is because, while I am in shape, I am naturally curvy with a very tiny waist.  I also have more of a sensual looking face.\n\nI have a great career, I am very intellectual and love books, lots of hobbies that have nothing to do with looks, and I steer the conversation away from sexual topics.  Unfortunately, I still feel like its not enough because whatever I do, I am still seen as a sexual object and used for sex when I'd like to have an actual relationship.\n\nI don't wear anything suggestive, although I do have to wear form-fitting clothing or I look sloppy and overweight just because I am curvy at the top and bottom. I don't wear a lot of makeup.  I'm thinking about wearing my hair up on dates from now on.  Maybe wearing pearl earrings or something that can subconsciously implant the stereotype of \"classy\" into their brain.\n\nWhat else can I really do different?", "answer": "you can't control what other people think. like any woman who wants a ltr, you have to filter out the fwb guys.   the whole world objectifies women, including many women  (53% of white women voted for a man who bragged about committing a felony!!!).     you can select who you relate to. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1jbg", "comment_id": "dcfwtrc"}, {"question": "epinephrine during pregnancy", "description": "I recently had a mole on my knee removed and the doctor used lidocaine with epinephrine. I just found out today that there is a risk associated with using epinephrine during pregnancy so needless to say I am pretty upset. At the time I was 11 weeks + 5 days pregnant and I am now 12 weeks + 6 days. I called my OBGYN office but its the end of the day and they aren't likely to get back to me before the weekend. How risky was this?\n", "answer": "Very low risk. The epinephrine is mixed with lidocaine to cause blood vessels to constrict so the lidocaine (and epinephrine) stay in the area and provide numbness. The point is to keep medications out of your blood and in the local tissue. The amount that ends up distributed to any organs relevant to pregnancy is tiny.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9a20sa", "comment_id": "e4s4wbt"}, {"question": "I need someone to talk to me without judgement (explicit language)", "description": "I am a huge fucking mistake. A big one. I h have a GED and no college degree. I am always \"between jobs\" or something like that.\n\nI recently got a new job at a gas station it is a horrible place. The pay, the people, everything. They treat me like shit which I deserve because I am two weeks in and still making stupid mistakes. I cry every night over this job. \n\nNow for my boyfriend and I and this is where the no judgement part comes in. We have been together for 2 years. I love him so much. But last year he went to 3 day concert and it almost killed me. I have severe social anxiety and I knew it wouldn't be good if I went. He had the time of his life drinking and stuff basically like mardi gras. I ended up in the hospital after no sleep for 3 days with extremely high blood pressure. We talked it over and he said he wouldn't go. I am so scared he will resent me if he doesn't get to go. I am trying to be social and do more things for him. I am pushing myself to go to small concerts and stuff. I need opinions on this.\n\nI know I sound messed up I was abused and cheated on. I am seeking therapy but it is hard when you have no insurance. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a bad place. I feel like everyone would be happier without me.", "answer": "Hi there,\n\nSounds like you've been through a lot in your life. I'm glad that you are seeing someone IRL. You are right that not having insurance can put a damper on seeing someone; it's a tough situation for anyone. \n\nOne strength that I am seeing throughout your post is that you have attempted to combat your social anxiety, and that is awesome! Mad props to you. You have someone who cares about you and your well-being, and in order to help, you are putting yourself out there for him socially. That takes guts.\n\nI would imagine that the anxiety also causes some difficulty at work? That would certainly explain the \"between jobs\" sentiment, as well as having trouble keeping jobs that you do get. It becomes like a vicious cycle.\n\nYou have two great things going for you: you are doing the best that you can to survive and you are seeing a therapist. You are in a position to really utilize both of those tools to take a good hard look at what you want out of life.\n\nBut first, you gotta get out of your head for a second. Yea, that's easier said than done. Yes, it will tear you up inside for a quick minute. Your counselor can help you out with that. Finding some good coping strategies for anxiety will help reduce those feelings and give you some breathing room, which I bet you are silently screaming for. \n\nThat's when the real work will start. Keep up keeping up for now. \n\nBest of luck to you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5117dt", "comment_id": "d78iejz"}, {"question": "Feeling guilty for burdening my therapist.", "description": "  **I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?**   \n\n   Today at therapy I told my therapist how suicidal I have been lately and that I was scared and hopeless. She doesn't want to send me to the hospital but she doesn't want me to kill myself either. We are meeting again on Friday, but I am suppose to call her if I am feeling terrible.\n\n    I know I scared her and worried her, and that I am being stubborn and impatient. \n\n   Don't tell me \"it's her job\" to care because that will make me feel worse. I feel like I should \"pretend\" to get better just to make her stop worrying, and separate myself from her. She is so important to me that it is pathetic. I should not bring her down.\n\n**I feel guilty for my suicidal thoughts. How can I feel like I am not overwhelming my therapist?**", "answer": "People don't go into helping professions, like being a therapist, if they didn't care about people. Yes, its her job and she is getting paid to listen and to help you- but if she didn't care about people, she most likely wouldn't like her job. And if she didn't like her job, she probably would have found another.\n\nIf you are feeling worse, or suicidal *please* tell her. Don't feel guilty at all for them. Trust me (I work in a counseling setting) you're not overwhelming her.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sehva", "comment_id": "c4de2ir"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d\n\nthat isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a REASON for that.\n\n idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be Over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "I just watched Miss Congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and Gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. That hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 I watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.\n\nPSA: It\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "g5t2qzy"}, {"question": "Does anyone else have moments when you are talking, and you notice no one is paying attention, so you don\u2019t know whether to stop or finish the thought?", "description": "I seem to have this problem often, usually when I think something is funny. Sometimes, I\u2019ll be on a roll with people because they\u2019re laughing back, but then I feel like I\u2019ll try too hard to get their attention and it leads to awkward moments for me.\n\nDoes anyone else struggle with this? Also, does anyone have any tips on how to speak only when necessary? And by that, I mean speaking only when you have something meaningful to say, not just to occupy silence.\n\nEdit: I didn\u2019t think this would blow up, nor did I think it would be a problem a lot of people have. Thanks for all the advice everyone, and feel free to contribute still.", "answer": "I used to do that but then I learned to modulate my delivery based on my listeners expression. Their interest is expressed in their face and especially their eyes.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "7axc14", "comment_id": "dpf6kj7"}, {"question": "So there's this girl...", "description": "Hey there, first time posting here and i wanted to ask for some advice, so I'm an introvert and i dont know how to introduce myself to new people, i have friends and stuff, and i can talk with people once they start talking with me. But lately I've been noticing this girl in my highschool that sits alone everyday at lunch,  i know people from her class and they say she is really quiet, it seems they made her aside, and i figured... Maybe she is just like me you know?, sooo... Any tips on how can i introduce myself? I've seen her at anime/comic conventions before too, so we have stuff in common to talk about.\nBut i really just dont know how to start talking to somebody out of the blue,\nAlso sorry if there are typos, i speak Spanish", "answer": "The easiest way to feel more comfortable initiating contact is to make it a point to just regularly greeting her and anyone else for the matter when you see her and she makes eye contact.  Just a simple \"good morning\" \"hello\".  \n\n\nAfter you've gotten used to this it'll be much easier when you see her sitting alone to just ask her if she minds if you sit with her.  From that point on it's pretty simple, simple questions \"How's your day going?\"  \"Hey I think I saw you at (convention).  Are you into that kind of stuff?  Me too!\"\n\nI'd stay waaaaaaay clear of commenting on how she looks or looked at the convention.  Especially when first starting to talk.  \n\n\nP.S.  Your English is better than half of the high school kids I see on here who speak it as a native language. Just start capitalizing your \"I\" when referring to yourself.  :-D", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "acjm3a", "comment_id": "ed8kwpi"}, {"question": "Is he the one?", "description": "I met this guy last year. We bonded over a very similar backstory. We both developed feelings, but he's not able to make amends with his past. We tried, but he wasn't able to do so, and we are not together. But I've never met anyone like him. I know everyone says that, but he understands who I am completely, and I know him better than anyone in the world. Our chemistry is immaculate and quite the envy of my friends. I have no doubt in my mind that he is the love of my life, but I've been told that is silly and there's no way I could know that or that since he's not able to make amends with his past, it isn't \"meant to be.\" I'm uncertain as to what to do. ", "answer": "One would imagine that eventually he will make amends with his past, but it's hard to know how long that will take. So you have to decide what kind of friend you want to be with him, and also decide how patient you might want to be with his inner process. I'm not a big fan of the phrase \"meant to be\". I think the two of you simply have to define what your friendship is going to be moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qdwhn", "comment_id": "dcygacv"}, {"question": "My therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  I miss her so badly right now.", "description": "It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  She changed my life.  She helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  Whenever I'm stuck or falling into old traps, I think about what she would have told me.  \n\nI'm doing so much better; I really am.  But all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time I stop to think about how well I'm doing or I find a reason to be proud of myself, all I want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.\n\nI want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  I want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  At the memorial service, her husband told me, \"She always said her children were her legacy, and I like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  Just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"\n\nI've never lost anyone close to me before.  Ironically, losing a loved one was something I thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person I loved to pass away.  And it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "Yup.  Losing people sucks.  I like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.\n\nYou say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.\n\nIt'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  You won't \"get over\" it.  And you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.\n\nI lost my mom, to whom I was very close, when I was 21.  That was 29 years ago.  I still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "c84k2iq"}, {"question": "Help me please", "description": "I have adhd autism anxiety and body dysphoria  I'm on vyvvance  and zoloft but I've been having other symptoms  idk if they are side affects or what but I've been having insomnia, fatigue, mood swings, irritable, empty feeling, dizziness, headaches, fastening pulse, twitches, urges to rule my eyes and move basically any other body part, shakiness, cold sweats without fever, constantly thirsty,  the urge to bite, cut, and scratch myself,  acne, fidgety, red dots on feet are not itchy and don't hurt, eczema, asthma attacks come on faster, spacing out for minutes at a time,  \n\nIf this has any relevance I recently  stopped  cutting and started seeing a therapist I also have what I think is a melanoma  on my back.  I also have no sense of no you shouldn't/ shouldn't have done/do that also the emptiness is on and off one day I will be empty the next day  I could be fine or I could  be empty  again pls pm me if u have any idea  of what's going on I also recently  developed  a stutter\nI am a masochist and a sadist, I feel like most of my friends are gonna abandon me and I have been told that I am toxic by a bff of three years, I have been emotionally and sexually abused by online \"friends\" I have never knew my grandfather  and I have been emotionally abused by irl friends, whenever I ruin a relationship  I feel nothing not empty just nothing. My crush is going through things rn and I can't  stand to see her in pain. But she is going to abandon me like everyone else and I just know it. I have also been hearing whispers I think my friends are talking shit behind  my back, I'm mentally and physically  falling apart", "answer": "That sounds incredibly stressful.  I would advise you see your prescribing doctor as soon as possible. What you\u2019re describing are listed as \u201cserious side effects\u201d of vyvanse and doing a quick search Zoloft and vyvanse are listed as being two that can have interactions.  [source](https://www.drugs.com/vyvanse.html)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ff66j2", "comment_id": "fjwt0xp"}, {"question": "How much were you aware of your productive hyperfocus before you knew you had ADHD, especially for late diagnoses?", "description": "I used to be able to feel like I had something, another gear to me. I kept trying to find ways to synthesize it.", "answer": "I was very aware.  I used to think it just had to do with anxiety and lack of motivation.  One of my professor's used to say to me \n\n\n\"You're such an incredible student, but you won't get any work done until you have a gun to your head (referring to hard deadlines without any chance of catching a break).  Then you do great work, but you never give yourself enough time to edit.\"\n\n\nI figured out how to harness it, but it was basically self-medication with a ton of coffee and cigarettes.  Now, I can get in these hyperfocus states when needed fairly easily just by taking my meds.  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at7n8v", "comment_id": "egze90k"}, {"question": "Is saying \"I'm sorry my opinions offended you\" the same as \"I'm sorry you were offended by my opinion\"", "description": "To me, these are very different. To me the first one seems like a genuine apology, for hurting someone's feelings, while the second one is saying that the other person is overreacting about what person A said. However I can understand that both may be seen as offensive statements and I wanted to get reddit's opinion on the matter. I ask because I don't think people should apologize for having a certain belief, but they should apologize if they hurt someone's feelings. What do you think?", "answer": "I really don't like either of these.  I agree with what you said in that if you care about someone, it's important to acknowledge that you hurt their feelings and apologize if you actually are sorry that you did it.  I also agree that you don't have to apologize for having a different opinion or even an opinion that offends someone.  \n\n\n\nWhile it may not be the speaker's intent, they both read like \"I'm sorry you're upset but I believe what I believe.\"  While this may truly be the case, if you're sincere in feeling sorry that you hurt the other person's feelings, what purpose is there in adding this?\n\n\nCouldn't you simply say \"I'm sorry that I offended you.  That wasn't my intent.\"  \n\n\nIf it wasn't so much your opinion but the delivery that caused the issue and you wish you had delivered your opinion differently, you can be specific about that.  \"When I was talking about ______ I'm guessing I came across too harsh and I'm sorry if it was too much.\"\n\n\nOr lastly,\n\n\nSome opinions really are better kept to yourself.  It doesn't make you wrong for having the opinion, but given your relationship with the person it might not have been appropriate to express it at all.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "937fjo", "comment_id": "e3b7ijq"}, {"question": "I\u2019m scared to do online psych sessions", "description": "I was making good progress with my psych before this whole pandemic happened. Since we\u2019re been on lockdown/quarantine, they only offer online sessions. Their guidelines say it will be 100% confidential and no recording will be done. But it\u2019ll be done via Skype.\n\nI read some articles that say \u201cSkype doesn\u2019t use end-to-end encryption at all. That means every message, call, and file can be viewed by Microsoft.\u201d\n\nI\u2019m just really scared that things will get leaked regardless of the video conference software we use. Idk what to do because I know I really need to get counseling but I\u2019m really scared to do it online.\n\nIs this an irrational fear or am I just avoiding counseling because I\u2019m too tired to talk about my trauma???\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "Therapist here. Skype is definitely not secure, and you absolutely have a right to have your therapy sessions being done in a confidential method. It should be fairly easy to use a HIPAA-compliant platform like [doxy.me](https://doxy.me), the healthcare version of zoom, or SimplePractice. You could simply email your psych and say \"hey, I'm not comfortable meeting over Skype- can you use a HIPAA-compliant platform?\"\n\nAlso, it could be that they're using \"Skype\" as a generic term for video chat, kinda like some people say \"Kleenex\" to describe all tissues. Either way, a simple email would clear things up!", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "hkgrxo", "comment_id": "fwu57wq"}, {"question": "Set slight intentional tremor", "description": "Recently my wife noticed, and then I noticed, that I seem to have a slight intentional tremor in only my right hand when I do something like eat soap with a spoon or place a screwdriver on the head of a screw. It\u2019s barely noticeable but it\u2019s there. I don\u2019t have any other symptoms that I have noticed. Any idea what this could be and if I should be concerned. \n\nMale\nJust turned 44\n6\u20194\u201d\n208 lbs", "answer": ">eat soap with a spoon\n\nMy first recommendation is to stop eating soap. It's not good for you. And it's definitely a fork food.\n\nEveryone has a little bit of physiological tremor both and rest and with movement. It's part of how we're built. If this seems new or is causing problems for you, talk with your doctor (and likely get a referral to a neurologist). Otherwise you're probably just noticing one of the quirks of human biology.\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a4qjl9", "comment_id": "ebgsgd9"}, {"question": "Camhs in the uk was the worst", "description": "I was really depressed 2 years ago (I was about 14 then) and truly needed help. I got referred to a counsellor and they didn't even care about my problems. I literally broke down a few times in the counselling sessions and the counsellor witnessed it and ignored it. I told the counsellor I had awful social anxiety to the point I couldn't get out of the car and the counsellor just said,'I guess you can stand outside the car next time', without even trying to emphasise. Is that it?\n\nI'm not saying everyone there is like this at all, I'm saying that this one time, this one person was dealing with a vulnerable kid and didn't do their job properly. I'm just confused about why someone would choose a job like that and not actually do their job to at least help or comfort someone in the slightest. I imagine people like me not having someone to listen to them about their problems and just get annoyed because it's their job to offer solutions to the problem. It was a waste of time going to all those sessions looking back at it.", "answer": "I actually think CAMHS needs a massive overhaul - turn it into a 0-25 service amongst other things, but it's such a massive task to provide support for younger people through schools, GPs, and in hospitals...\n\n... It'll only get better. Sorry you had a shit time though.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dai8yt", "comment_id": "f1qk4ne"}, {"question": "Are therapists required to break confidentiality over abuse that happened 3 years ago? (I\u2019m a minor)", "description": "This may seem like a stupid question to ask, I know. I\u2019m 14 and I\u2019ve been through abuse when I was in middle school. (3 years ago) I\u2019ve never told anyone I personally know before, and don\u2019t want to tell my mom. If I were to tell a therapist about my history of abuse, by law, would they have to break confidentiality to my mom or anyone else? I\u2019m extremely paranoid about this and just want to know what\u2019ll happen beforehand so I can decide if I really do want to talk to a therapist about it. ", "answer": "You could always ask your therapist about the limits of confidentiality regarding abuse.  We generally discuss it in first sessions and answer any questions for clients.  If they haven't or you've forgotten what they initially told you, ask again.  This sort of thing differs slightly from state to state so it's hard to give an answer.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a6waor", "comment_id": "ecnuo17"}, {"question": "I stand in the shower for too long before I actually begin showering, and I lie in bed for half hour before getting dressed.", "description": "Hi, I feel like this is my first post here but I don't remember because I've been having some memory problems. I have a final soon but I've done nothing for the entire semester. It's the most unlike-me thing ever. Everytime I try to study, I keep lying down in bed, and starring at my wall (but not actually focusing on it).. with a blank mind filled with worry. I do everything slower - write, type, read, speak, eat... \n\nI can't make myself get out of bed before midday, and I go to sleep at 4am every night to avoid interaction. I don't want to leave my house ever. If I could hide myself in a rock forever, I really would. Then, I feel guilty, because I'm doing so little each day, whilst everyone else works so hard, and do so many things. If I can't manage the energy to take a shower without taking like.. 45mins of rest in between, how is life gonna work for me...\n\nI've never failed a course in my area before. I've never gotten below a B-grade in my area before. This is so unlike me. No matter what I do...\n\nMy parents are against medication. I've never taken any kind of anti-depressant. This started about 7 months ago. I feel terrible each day. Every smile is fake. Every action makes my mind trail off.. ", "answer": "I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time! It sounds like your symptoms are typical of Major Depressive Disorder, which is a serious illness. Fortunately there are a few things you can do to make things better without therapy or medication (both of which I would recommend). Eat well, avoid caffeine, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Take things one step at a time, and don't blame yourself when something doesn't go as planned. Most of all, take care of yourself first and foremost. \n\nI didn't catch your age, but your mention of your parents being against medication leads me to believe you are a teenager. If you are over 18, forget whatever your parents told you. You should be talking to a doctor about medications. I would recommend you also ask to see a therapist as soon as possible. If you are in high school and your parents won't help, ask to see your school counselor. If you are in college, most universities have a counseling center on campus. \n\nLet me know how things go for you! ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3e3807", "comment_id": "ctcabjh"}, {"question": "Did I (17/f) cheat on my boyfriend or was I sexually assaulted?", "description": "My boyfriend (17/m) and I had been dating for a year, and we really loved each other. There was nothing about him I disliked and I really enjoyed being in this relationship with him. \n\nI went to a party with a group of friends, thinking I knew a lot of people and there was parental supervision so I was in a safe space. This resulted in me drinking way more than I could handle (which is completely my fault, I didn't know my limits and I take the blame for going overboard) and can only remember small parts of the night. A guy I went to school with when I was younger was there, so we spoke and started catching up, however he made it clear he was interested in me romantically, so I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested before leaving him to find my friends. I don't really remember anything else from the night. Two of my friends and I left, and we all stayed the night together at one of their homes. The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover I'd ever had, and was sick all morning. One of my friends told me that last night, she'd seen me making out with the guy I mentioned earlier. I was so shocked, especially because I genuinely had no memory of it, and I was absolutely against cheating. I asked her why she hadn't stopped me and she said that she had tried, but I didn't respond to her when she asked what I was doing. Another friend later told me that he had seen me throughout the night, lying on the ground and unable to walk or speak. \n\nI told my boyfriend about a month after it happened, because I was so scared of what his reaction would be. He ended up dumping me, saying that I had cheated on him and that I 'clearly just wanted attention from other guys' and all of this really nasty stuff. I explained to him that I had no memory of it, that I didn't like or want the guy who had kissed me, how much of a bad state I was in, and that I was so so sorry, but he said being drunk was just an excuse girls use when they cheat. I'm so upset, because I don't see this as me cheating on him, I see this as me being taken advantage of in a near-unconscious state. He's now gone and told his friends that I cheated on him, which has spread around my school. Is he correct in saying that I'm to blame? I know it's my fault for getting so drunk in such an unsafe environment, but can he really call what happened 'cheating'? \n\ntl;dr - i got blackout drunk at a party and don't remember kissing someone else. is this cheating or did I get taken advantage of?", "answer": "the idea isn't so much cheating--in the largest sense that refers intercourse--  it's more that you put yourself in a situation with another guy that wasn't going to turn out well, and he has a right feel let down/betrayed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf97b", "comment_id": "dd6qtxx"}, {"question": "STI in monogamous (?) relationship", "description": " I've been with my partner since October of 2015. In January 2016, I got an IUD, so we both got tested for STI's before I got it put in. Both our tests came back negative. At one point in our relationship, certain positions during sex would hurt, but I attributed this to me being tiny, him being overzealous, and a hip injury that I sustained in late 2016 from biking. In August of this year, I was having unbearable PID-like symptons. Other than pain, the gynecologist said everything looked normal, but then my chlamydia test came back positive. I know I didn't cheat, so I accused him of it. He says he didn't, and I've never had a reason to believe anything was wrong or could be occurring before this. We assumed that it might have been a mistake then by one of the labs that did our initial testing. His was at a free clinic provided by our county, and mine was at the gynecologists. We put it behind us and the only problems we have are the same little ones we had before all this, but part of me is still skeptical just because of the nature of how these things (sti's) work.\n\nHow likely is this? How likely is it that I went years without symptoms? He never showed any symptoms either, but naturally took the antibiotic as soon as I got home with it, so he never got retested before taking the medication, so there's no way of knowing.\n\n22, F", "answer": "It\u2019s impossible to know what happened.\n\nEither of you could have had asymptomatic chlamydia and been unlucky in getting a false negative test before, although false tests are rare.  But not unheard of\u2014depending on the rest, the rate can be a few percent. Or you could not have had chlamydia and gotten a false positive test more recently (false positives are more common than false negatives, usually). Or he could have cheated.\n\nOverall the last is probably the most common, but the tests are not perfect and false negatives/positives do occur. If you believe him and problems didn\u2019t recur, especially if he didn\u2019t get treated and you still didn\u2019t get reinfected, then it\u2019s quite possible that there was no chlamydia in the first place.\n\nSTI testing can be nerve- and relationship-wracking. I hope this answer helps.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0vko5", "comment_id": "eaksq94"}, {"question": "I [28/M] struggle with being criticized by my fiance[27/F]", "description": "Long story short, we love each other very much, and my fiance is very much a teacher and a \"guidance counsellor\" for the kids at her school. She's very insightful and very thoughtful. \n\nOne example of what happens is that, I didn't ask my boss to take two weeks off in the summer for our honeymoon. Nothing was established yet but I wanted to at least get the time officiated. Anyhow, I didn't do it because I was waiting for my boss to go down the seniority list, and I am the last person. \n\nMy fiance tells me I should have more initiative and be more gutsy saying I should just email him anyways, and that I should just be more assertive and proactive in general. I will admit that I am the laid-back type who assumes things will go right, and I definitely have been very lucky - with both getting a decent job, and actually getting the crush of 10 years to love me.\n\nBut besides that, I struggle with this. The moment she criticizes me, I get all defensive and start making up excuses (sometimes they don't always line up). More often times than not, she is criticizes my driving, my cleanliness, and other things. I definitely and not perfect, and she isn't either - but I find myself letting go of little things that would generally bother a normal person.\n\nI don't have anything against her for criticizing me as she has good intentions, but is it wrong for me to suddenly get defensive when criticizes? Any tips on taking it well, or responding to it?\n\nEmotionally, I can become unstable, and I suddenly become really depressed and I don't want to listen to anything else she has to say. It's really childish. What do you guys think?\n\nTDLR: Fiance criticizes and I turn into a ball of sadness, as well as being defensive. Any tips with fixing this?  ", "answer": "there has to be balance between constructive civil criticism and positivity. see a therapist together if things are stuck", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5snplz", "comment_id": "ddgkfm1"}, {"question": "THC pen", "description": "Age: 19 \nSex: M \nHeight: 5\u201910\nWeight: 180 lbs\nRace: Arab \nDuration of complaint: 1 day \nLocation: stomach \nGeographic location: Detroit, MI\nMedical issues: none\nMedications: none \nTabaco smoker: No \n\nToday I woke up and seemingly out of nowhere, I throw up six times and have bad diarrhea. I suspect food poisoning since I don\u2019t have a fever or any other symptoms. The only symptoms have been vomiting, diarrhea, and moderate stomach cramps. \n\nFor about the past month, almost everyday, I use a THC pen, usually called \u201cclears\u201d in my neck of the woods. They\u2019re fairly new, so I\u2019ll describe them. It\u2019s a pod of yellow liquid connected to a battery. The liquid inside the pod is THC oil. The battery heats the oil and vapor comes out that you inhale. I use it sometimes to sleep and other times just for fun, anyway. \n\nLike I said, I woke up this morning with the symptoms I just described. During the same time, I went on Reddit I believe and saw an article about \u201ccannabinoid hyperemesis.\u201d Something I never heard about. If you know about this condition, I wanted to know if this condition occurs only in those who smoke actual marijuana, or situations like mine where I\u2019m using a pod with THC. Do my symptoms of cannabinoid hyperemesis align with the basic prognosis of my condition? Where I just threw up six times and continue to have diarrhea? Thanks for any help. ", "answer": "Any cannabis-containing products, including pods, can cause cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS, here, so I don\u2019t have to keep typing it out). But CHS is associated with abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting but not diarrhea. It\u2019s more likely from your symptoms that you have run of the mill gastroenteritis. Maybe food poisoning, but often it\u2019s just a brief viral illness.\n\nAll that said, I strongly recommend against daily use of marijuana or other cannabis products. You don\u2019t want to get CHS, and especially in teens and early twenties heavy cannabis use is associated with bad effects on neurocognitive development and worsened anxiety, as well as increased risk of psychosis and development of schizophrenia.\n\nA joint (or pod) once in a while may be fine. Daily is probably unwise.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5qyfk", "comment_id": "ejfax18"}, {"question": "Is Arrhythmia Necessarily dangerous?", "description": "Hello.\n\nI'm 21 years old and male. \n\nI went to see a cardiologist just because I never had a heart check in my life and wondered if I had any problems also because sometimes I felt irregular heart beats.\n\nI went to the cardiologist which asked me questions and then he put all this cables all over my body and this machine would reproduce all the heat beats very loudly so the cardiologist could hear them. They went from fast to slow, normal and vice versa.\n\nHe sent me to another cardiologist whom would perform a strength exercise on me. The strenght exercise and the multiple test they performed lasted for around 1 hour and a half, then they made me use this device that would monitor my heart beat for 24 hours.\n\nI went back to the cardiologist and returned the device, then 2 days later I went back and he told me that I have arrhythmia and he told me it was nothing to worry about but is not normal either.\n\nNow I read that some Arrhythmia can cause cardiac arrest, by all the test that the cardiologist saw can they see what specific type of Arrhythmia I have? Because if they said I should't worry, then I assume they know EXACTLY what kind of Arrhythmia I have since I would believe they would never risk a clients life and not be sure what kind of arrhythmia I have especially since they said is nothing to worry about. \n\nBoth cardiologist said that everything looks good and in order. But again he said that I have arrhythmia.\n\nThanks.", "answer": "Arrhythmia is literally any heart pattern that isn't absolutely normal. They vary from instantly fatal\u2014having no heartbeat at all is an arrhythmia!\u2014to some pretty common technically abnormal but otherwise not concerning variants. It sounds like you had a standard thorough workup with EKG (those wires), stress test (exercise), and Holter monitor (worn device). That's the information that cardiologists can use to know exactly what the arrhythmia is and if anything should be done.\n\nMy wild guess, based only on \"irregular heart beats\" and the cardiologists choosing no intervention, is that you had premature atrial contractions (PACs), which you can sometimes feel as extra beats but otherwise usually have no risk and require no intervention unless the feeling really bothers you. That's a question for the cardiologist, though. What was the diagnosis and why should you or shouldn't you do anything about it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8u2i5r", "comment_id": "e1c3zsm"}, {"question": "Please voice your ethics views for this situation.", "description": "I\u2019m trying to gauge how ethical this situation is.\n\nMy friend\u2019s mom passed away last September after fighting cancer for 3 years. Their parents were happily married for 29+ years and had 4 children, all of which are 22+ years old. Their dad\u2019s been having a rough time since her death. He\u2019s always been an emotionally reserved person but in past few months has opened with his children, voicing his grief and how much he misses their mom, even saying how catching covid-19 wouldn\u2019t be so bad because he could be with his wife again.\n\nTo the surprise of the family, he very recently announced that he's seeing a woman. This woman is an acquaintance of the family, and a licensed grief counselor in our state who just finished their masters degree. She is \u201chelping him through his grief\u201d and wants to have one on one sessions with his children. Their mother wasn\u2019t fond of this woman and suspected that she was attracted to the dad.\nThis whole situation is rubbing me the wrong way. Their dad is a very Christian man and was incredibly devoted to his wife, but is in a very vulnerable and lonely state.  It feels like she is using her title and training as a grief counselor to take advantage of a very vulnerable man. \n\nIs this wrong? The whole situation feels incredibly unethical but I would like the views of her fellow counselors/psychologists", "answer": "I don't know the grief counselor code of ethics . However,  the APA code says that people cannot have a sexual relationship with a client or the direct relative of a client .  Now , if she is offering support as his girlfriend and using her skills and training , that may not be a direct violation.  If there is an actual therapeutic relationship,  it is probably outright unethical.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gs4t62", "comment_id": "fs65q21"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist asked me to get a battery of blood tests, want to know why", "description": "I've been on  **fluoxetine** 40mg for 5 months now and my psychiatrist asked me to stop my meds for a week after i complained of day time sleepiness. He now wants me to get the following blood tests done before going back to visit him.\n\n1. Complete Blood Picture/count\n2. TSH \n3. Urea, Creatinine \n4. HbA1C - glycated hemoglobin\n5. Serum Electrolytes \n\n I'd like to know what information he could possibly get from these tests. \n\nThanks for taking the time :)\n\n​\n\n* 20 year old Male, \n* 6' 1\"  \n* 75Kg\n* Asian \n* Been treated for depression for 2 years now \n* Stopped Fluoxetine 40mg after 5 months \\[reduced to 20mg in the last 2 weeks\\]", "answer": "These may just be routine, but here's a best guess:\n\nComplete blood count (CBC) to test for anemia, which can cause fatigue.\n\nTSH to check for hypothyroidism, which can cause fatigue and depression.\n\nBUN and creatinine to test renal function, which he would need to know to start some medications.\n\nHbA1C to check for diabetes and also establish a baseline before starting some medications.\n\nSerum electrolytes are usually checked along with BUN and creatinine, so probably just routine panel.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6obxi", "comment_id": "esabess"}, {"question": "My gynecologist is dismissing my concerns and it makes me want to cry...", "description": "I was diagnosed with PCOS after I began to have lengthy periods. I've been bleeding since September 9th with a long, nasty period. I am very frustrated. OB put me on birth control pills. I was on the pill years ago, but it gave me all the side effects you can think of. Even still, she told me to just power through it.\n\nOne month in, and I am miserable. Nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, sudden weight gain, random headaches, mood swings, cramping, chest tightness, etc etc. I can barely function. Worse of all, the bleeding has gotten **worse**, and I have huge blood clots.\n\nI've called the OB and the resident nurse many times to report these effects, but they keep telling me it's \"normal\" and to just continue with the pill. \n\nI've consulted with Walgreens and Urgent Care, they tell me to stop the pill. But then OB tells me to continue it, and they will not give me anything else to treat me with. I can't switch providers because there's a wait time, according to my insurance.\n\nI mean, am I just being weak-willed? Will the bleeding and side effects maybe just get better as the OB claims?", "answer": "See if there is any way you can get a second opinion from your insurance, or start the process to get a new OB. Ask to speak with the head OB or supervisor, or whoever is clinical and her boss. Tell them you don\u2019t feel heard and are afraid for your health. \n\nAlso if urgent care has told you to stop the pills, that\u2019s a medical professional and you can feel safe to follow their advice. It\u2019s your body, you choose to take meds or not. If the side effects are worse than what they\u2019re treating, stop them. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "7e14a5", "comment_id": "dq1vbt4"}, {"question": "Help on studying", "description": "Hey everyone! I just started college and since high school I've had a hard time concetrating and studying, does anyone have any tips?", "answer": "You may have to try different methods of studying to figure out what works best for you. Here's a big list, try whatever you think would work. Personally I never really needed to study outside of class much in high school so when I went to college it was a BIG shock that I couldn't just... remember stuff! I had to learn the hard way how to study.\n\nI'd recommend always taking notes in class, then taking the time (at least 1 hour per week per class) to review those notes, do any textbook reading, work on any homework, and actually REWRITE notes when I could. When I did that I didn't just copy, I would either go through and highlight or bold key words and vocab, write it cleaner and more organized, group similar ideas together, and go back to the textbook for ideas that were new or complex. \n\nI also always hand-write notes in class (the act of physically writing can help you focus and remember), but then sometimes type up a more organized outline. Having to rearrange things forces you to interact with what you actually wrote down.\n\nFor memorizing things I made flash cards. I work better with physical ones but there are apps like Quizlet that let you make some online or on your phone. \n\nIf you're an auditory learner, ask if you can record the lecture and listen to it again later. I had one prof actually upload her lectures online like podcasts. Those are good to listen to while driving or doing something else. \n\nAlso get a study buddy!! Your college probably has a tutoring center, or talk to a classmate or roommate or friend to study with you. \n\nAlso also DON'T STUDY WHERE YOU SLEEP/CHILL. I can't study in front of my computer at home because my brain thinks its internet time so I distract myself easily. Go somewhere where your ONLY purpose of being there is to study. Library, coffee shop, whatever. If you can't leave your building at least sit in another room or something. \n\nThe most important thing is that you actually make time to study and STICK TO IT. Put it on your calendar, and even if you don't have homework or its an easy week in class, study anyway or at least use that time to work on other things.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "eq3bux", "comment_id": "fendvub"}, {"question": "Why did I let him do it.", "description": "I was dating the man who I thought was the one for the past 2 years  and some months. Between year one and year two he had a bad habit of clearing messages and wanting to hang out with suddenly single girls. He cheated on me a few days after our one year anniversary, and claimed he would block and never speak to her again. (I should have never took him back) a year of good times go by and he suddenly wants to break up with me for these reasons. \n1. He wanted to focus on college.\n2. He hated my hair cut. (I had long hair and chopped it all off to see how it would look. I love it tho.)\n3. I didn't go straight to college. \n\nAfter a few weeks I found out from his former best friend he never stopped speaking to the woman he cheated on me with. And would hang out and have sex with her behind my back. I'm beyond hurt but I keep telling myself I deserve better. I find myself thinking about him all the time and because of it I'm becoming more depressed then I was before. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. But I would just like an outsiders opinion on how to go about this. \n\nOn the bright side I landed myself a teaching career for children ages 2-5. And I love it so far!\n\nTldr; \nI let a pathetic excuse for a man play me a fool and now I hate myself for it. ", "answer": "He's bad news. Good riddance. Just have to let go and move on. Rehashing history does nothing, as you've already learned the lesson.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xul55", "comment_id": "dmikacz"}, {"question": "I am allowing my alcoholic ex who would hit and abuse me back into my life because I am depressed, lonely, and in 4 months not a single girl would date me.", "description": "I am 33 years old. I am more depressed than I have ever been in my life. I am so lonely. My wife cheated on me two years ago. I have not talked to her since. I hate my life. I am tired of being alone. After so many years of rejection it is hard, because I so passionately want another stable relationship, but all that is available to me is an alcoholic. No one will date me. I am fat, and ugly, and not worthy of the life I was building for myself. I do not want to die, but certainly do not want to keep living like this.", "answer": "On the face of it this course of action opens you to abuse and reinforces your humiliation and second class 'loser' status which is extremely painful.  So don't do that. Instead:  exercise every other day.  Make an appointment to see a psychologist, and another to get yourself on antidepressant medication.  Volunteer with a helpful community organization such as a dog rescue group or go to meet up and find something else you like better.  Rescue a pet from shelter/death and gain a buddy.  Work on things that will make your life better, rather than on things that will make it worse.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2coyzc", "comment_id": "cjhladd"}, {"question": "Today the pharmacist sold me a genetic test so I can better tell what ADHD drugs will help me?!", "description": "Picked my drugs up at the local Rite Aid and the pharmacist pitched me on this \"Harmonyx diagnostics\" genetic test because she saw that I have ADHD. Pretty much, this private lab looks for certain genes (I'm guessing DRD4 variant etc?) and ranks the various ADHD drugs from Red (last resort) to Yellow (try second) to Green (try first) relative to your genetic make up. Sounds a little hokey, but I've been a psychiatric patient for most of my young adult life and have bounced between drugs for years now...I'll take the results with a grain of salt, of course. I'm guessing that I don't have the DRD4 variant because I'm ADHD PI and get really anxious on stimulants. Hm. ", "answer": "I know nothing about the company you referenced but I do know that tests like that are available. I work at a mental health clinic and our lab does that sometimes for clients when the psychiatrist orders it. Like you said, I think they order medications from most to least effective given your results. \n\nI've never done it myself but I've had multiple clients swear by it. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2s0bvp", "comment_id": "cnm8v0c"}, {"question": "Me [29m] and gf [28f] have been in a great relationship for the past 9 months. Out of the blue I'm started having sexual anxiety and I wanna get over it NSFW", "description": "A little background. I met my girlfriend about a year ago and decided to start dating in May. We instantly clicked, as we have a lot of the same interests, and things have been very smooth throughout the relationship. \n\nSex has always been a big thing for us, as we both have high sex drives. She ended up having her first orgasm with me, which is difficult to give her and can only be achieved through penetration. 90% of the time I'm able to get her off when we have sex, however I've been having issues the last couple of weeks. \n\nI've been stressed out lately because I've been unemployed for a month, I'm low on cash and have been looking for a job. Because of the high anxiety, about halfway through sex I've been going soft, which has been upsetting her a great deal. I was able to control my stress about my job situation, and I got hired for a new position which I'll be starting next week. \n\nHowever, I'm still having erectile problems and I now have a lot of performance anxiety, I haven't finished in over a week and she's very upset about the whole situation. I've explained things honestly to her, but I'm not sure how to fix this issue, as I've never had this problem before. Has anyone else had this problem before? How did you fix it?\n\nTL;DR- I've been stressed do to work, led to mental ED, need advice", "answer": "viagra is great for overcoming this sort of stress/anxiety in bed. call your doc", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vb6ba", "comment_id": "de0qlf2"}, {"question": "I'm going to fail out of community college.", "description": "Today was suppose to be an exam day. I couldn't bring myself to study even though I didn't forget. I'm skipping all my classes, I'm going to fail ever single one of them this time. This is the last time I can take my math course because you can't retake courses you fail three times. I just fucking suck at life. I don't have any excuse other than just being worthless. I thought I was going to get out of it this semester, but I failed. I've been seeing the school therapist, but I can't anymore because budget cuts. I really wanted to get better I really did. ", "answer": "Everyone's good at something. EVERYONE. What are YOU good at? So, school isn't your thing... It was a learning experience. I know it seems dark and the end of the world, but school really isn't the be all and end all of everything.  PLENTY of people achieve success in life without ever going to school, and you can too, I promise.  Also, there's no time limit on school... If you decide to do something else with your life -- like work with your hands? Work creatively? Become an entrepreneur?-- there's nothing in the world that says you can't go back to college in 5,10,20+ years if you want. You can achieve a lot, honest! ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1exvi8", "comment_id": "ca50874"}, {"question": "Are hypnagogic hallucinations a sign of schizophrenia?", "description": "I'm 19 and have been diagnosed with health anxiety and a panic disorder. My main worry at the moment is schizophrenia. I've noticed that I sometimes hear sounds that aren't there when I'm falling asleep. I googled it and it seems like its a \"common\" experience (according to a study it's up to 70% of people who experience it, just can't recall it). However, I can't find anything about if it's linked to having schizophrenia or not and it's making me quite worried. I also have a history of derealization (I don't experience it anymore thankfully). Could this be a sign of schizophrenia in the future?\n\nP.S. I'd go so far as saying that my panic disorder has now been cured. I haven't had a panic attack in almost two years now.", "answer": "Well, hearing sounds that are not there is a symptom of schizophrenia. However, this does not sound like a symptom of schizophrenia to me.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dxt5h3", "comment_id": "f7wfxml"}, {"question": "Depression: The disease that makes you isolate yourself from your friends, and then helps you be extra miserable later when your friends do things without you.", "description": "Thanks, depression. I *knew* isolating myself and pushing everyone away was unhealthy and unhelpful, and yet I did it anyway because I felt I didn't have a choice. Now that I put myself in this position, even my small group of friends that \"understand what I'm dealing with\" or know what's going on have stopped inviting me to things entirely, and I know it's really not their fault, but it still hurts when I see the pictures or hear about it in passing. I know I can't expect people to still invite me to things when I always decline, especially now when the days that I feel up to being around other people are few and far between. The (anti)social aspect of depression is such a hard cycle to break out of. ", "answer": "Feeling something very similar to this today too. It's a bit of a vicious cycle -- I don't get or stay close to people because I'm depressed, but then being alone and isolated makes me feel worse. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "40p561", "comment_id": "cyw12pf"}, {"question": "DAE keep almost breaking up with their SO?", "description": "I\u2019ve been through some really rough patches recently and the urge to isolate myself out of fear that I\u2019m going to be abandoned is so strong that I keep telling my (22) boyfriend (23) of two years that I\u2019m no good for him and we probably shouldn\u2019t be together. The relationship is more complex than just the surface level of my insecurities, but he\u2019s an incredibly good person and I hate doing this to him.\n\nDoes anyone else find themselves trying to sabotage their own relationships? What should I do? Am I right to break things off while I find out how to cope with my mental illness, so that I\u2019m no longer hurting him, or is this just an urge I get because of the illness?", "answer": "You could do that, but then you would have less support through it. You might protect him from yourself (which is a terrible way to think about yourself and itd be helpful to start being positive about you) but you also might damage the chance of having a stronger relationship.\n\nBut ultimately it's not your decision to make of he wants to be with your or \"put up with you\" so to say. You should respect his decision and accept that maybe he just likes to be with you", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "brn94b", "comment_id": "eof88um"}, {"question": "What\u2019s going to happen if I go to the hospital? Am I going to survive this?", "description": "I am a 20 year old female who\u2019s 5\u20193 and weighs 180 pounds living in Canada \n\nI took an overdose ( about 20 500mg pills) of Tylenol about 12 hours ago. I just want to know what will happen if I go to the hospital? Do I still have a chance at surviving this if I go or is it too late for me? Please let me know ", "answer": "You have a chance of surviving, and that chance is better the sooner you get medical treatment. Please go.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ij384", "comment_id": "dys5fya"}, {"question": "I just found out I'm pregnant and I can't take life anymore", "description": "I'm 20 years old. recently my boyfriend of two years dumped me, he said he just doesn't love me anymore. I've been fired from my job, and I was trying to go to community college. I'm such a loser. my period was about five days late I was getting nervous so I purchased a test, two positives. I can't do this. it's my ex boyfriends but I know he won't want anything to do with it. and I've been taking percocet like crazy since the break up so I probably screwed this baby up. I have guns, but I'm still  scared. help me please", "answer": "Ironically, being pregnant could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you (though if you want to have an abortion that is a-ok too)\nLots of programs are in place to help women who are pregnant or with young kids- both with counseling and eduction and housing and stuff like that. A good place to start would be planned parenthood (they do much more than abortions, don't believe the hype) and they can hook you up with resources. Don despair-- things can and will get better.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "16ggym", "comment_id": "c7w0ogw"}, {"question": "15 years sober, then started drinking again.", "description": "Help. After about 15 years of sobriety (I became addicted in my twenties), I tried drinking again - curiosity which turned into obsessive thinking which resulted in a drink (I thought that I may have been able to drink \"normally\" as I originally drank due to confidence issues which I no longer felt was an issue). Now I cant stop thinking about drinking. I have a bout of drinking which lasts for about 3 days, I then sort myself out for about a week (but in the meantime obsessively think about drinking and whether I want it or not), then I succumb again. I don't want to drink and when I do I don't enjoy it, its like I do it to get rid of the obsessive thoughts in my head. Does anyone have any advice on how I can release myself from this obsession/addiction which has resurfaced?", "answer": "Allan Carr's method sounds like it could work well here. Essentially your brain focuses on short term gains. You need to help it look at the whole picture. His conclusion: if you look at everything alcohol gives and takes, no one should do it. It's always a net negative, even for \"regular\" drinkers. \n\nPlus. Include other people in your process, break it down into a real decision to not drink. Make that decision a process to not drink just right now. Just right now. Tomorrow is whatever, but right now you can choose. \n\nRemember, cravings usually only last a few hours at a time. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7zxdon", "comment_id": "duremk6"}, {"question": "[relationship change] 8 months into relationship, is he less interested? Am I overreacting?", "description": "BF (Male, 24) and I (Female, 21) are together for 8 months. In the beginning, he used to text me all the time and tell me every day how amazing/cute/pretty I am.\n\nWe see each other about 3-4 days a week, and if we are together he is still quite affectionate. He always holds my hand when we walk outside, he hugs me every day and he tells me every day that he loves me. He also still can't get enough of me in the bed room. If I hang out with him, he gives me all of his attention.\n\nBut when it comes to texting, it's much less than before. He's a gamer, and he's bad at multitasking. \nSo in the beginning of our relationship he quit gaming because he wanted to talk to me. Since the start, we have a habit that we talk through whatsapp the entire evening until we are going to sleep. Now, we still talk every evening  but it's mostly by my effort. He does not say much when I don't say something and it makes me sad. especially when I read all our convo's in the beginning of our relationship. Now he's gaming the entire evening, and sometimes says something through text but not much, maybe 6 or 7 messages in an hour. Am I overreacting? Is this normal? \n\nedit: he told me he finds it hard to focus on a game and a chat on the same time so he asked if we could skype call instead during the evenings, but I hate phone/skype calls so i denied that. it gives me anxiety for some reason", "answer": "i wouldn't measure your rel. by texting quantity. if the rel. is basically solid, loving and meeting your biggest needs, that's what counts. life is about the big picture, seeing the forest for the trees.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qaz88", "comment_id": "dcxq9kt"}, {"question": "What is the next step in oral hygiene? How does someone brush when you only gag?", "description": "I'll be honest, my teeth are in rough shape as I've only sparsely brushed and use mouth wash periodically mostly because I have a terrible gag reflex. To the point I primarily use just mouth wash.\n\nEven going to the dentist last year was a struggle. Spent almost two hours trying to take in enough laughing gas to stop myself from gagging. Part of this is from awful allergies so not being able to easily breath through the nose is part of the problem, but one that won't be solved (Most allergy / sinus meds dry out my nose and cause nose bleeds, to the point I'd rather deal with drainage than a painful nose).\n\nI'm getting to the age health is a concern and really want to go to the dentist for my teeth but am fearful the only answer is brushing..  Which I don't know how to accommodate as my gums have started bleeding without brushing (Usually would bleed when brushing)\n\nI really wish there were like.  A gum or something I can actively chew on instead of jabbing a stick in my mouth. \n\n\nWhat options do I have, if any to make my oral care passable? I don't expect spotless teeth, my goals are to stop the blood to prevent the unsightly look if blood stains, and oral health that reduces or eliminates bad breath. My front lower teeth currently have a strange smell after being cleaned.\n\nI'm 27, Causasion Male living in SC, US. I smoke regularly, but not nicotine.\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "You might have better luck with r/Dentistry if you have oral health questions.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "906wwp", "comment_id": "e2o905r"}, {"question": "Feeling undeserving of recovering", "description": "Does anyone else feel like others have a more \u201cvalid\u201d recovery because they\u2019re doing everything to recover but because they\u2019re not like overweight or because they \u201clook better than me\u201d.. they\u2019re more deserving of getting better?\nI just see so many recovery Instagram accounts and I think they deserve to get better because their photos are always nice and mine are just shit. I stopped having an account because I didn\u2019t feel like I deserved it because I\u2019m not pretty or anything..", "answer": "100% yes. There\u2019s an expectation that if you have an ED you are female, skinny, traditionally pretty, and a teenager/20s. If you are not these things it can feel more difficult to get treatment, like you don\u2019t \u201cbelong\u201d", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "jmzci6", "comment_id": "gayewwh"}, {"question": "I want to be beaten ...", "description": "So I\u2019m not looking for relationship advice\u2014 I\u2019m just looking for insight or better understanding as to WHY do I have this sick craving to be hurt sometimes? ...\n\nFirst of all, please please don\u2019t be cruel in your comments on here. I\u2019m so broken and shattered I just can\u2019t take any more. It would take hours of reading to know all that I\u2019ve been dealing with and how much hurt I\u2019ve endured over the years, so please don\u2019t kick me while I\u2019m down. I am earnestly seeking help and understanding in hopes to find a path to some sort of healing.\n\nI have this sick urge to be beaten. Severely injured. When I was 12 yrs old i hit myself so hard I left bruises. I sought out relationships that mistreated me, and I antagonize the situation until they hurt me (mostly verbal, but some physical). And then I feel a sense of release... it\u2019s complicated because I also feel scared and guilty for knowing I deserved it, but I\u2019m terrified that I actually WANT them to lose it on me. I hate myself. I\u2019ve clawed my own face, hit my head until I nearly black out, bruised my body, and pushed buttons with the wrong people until they snap and end up injuring me. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I do avoid these situations MOST of the time, and I\u2019m actually very NON-confrontational. But when the pain gets too much, I always end up reaching a point that I WANT someone to lose control and beat the shit out of me. Then I get scared when they do lose control, but it\u2019s too late. And the pain actually feels good... I know how sick this is! But the humiliation of knowing that only makes it worse. Why am I so sick?", "answer": "Snooped and saw your other post which asks about things in Texas. I know it\u2019s a massive state, but perhaps there\u2019s someone close-ish to whatever city/town you\u2019re in. [sex therapists in Texas](https://www.aasect.org/find-professional/2/TX/T)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fhbb4k", "comment_id": "fka4v6s"}, {"question": "Grandpa pees a lot daily despite not drinking a lot of liquid", "description": "He's planning on going to China next month and he randomly approached me today and told me to buy this for him https://imgur.com/0504YF4 (he saw it from a Chinese newspaper advertisement?) because he doesn't want to keep peeing in the plane. \n\nI tried googling this brand and didn't find any people talking about it. It's $60, however the price isn't the problem if it helps resolve the problem. It's mainly if the ingredients or what not is not worth the cost or it doesn't work at all. ", "answer": "1. There's no reason to expect this to be helpful. The listed ingredients are a standard assortment of herbal remedies and supplements. Saw palmetto in particular has been evaluated for help with benign prostatic hyperplasia, a common cause of urinary problems in older men, and it doesn't work.\n\n2. If he's peeing a lot it's worth seeing a doctor to figure out why and what could help with the problem. You can't make him do that, but it makes more sense than spending $60 on snake oil.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mboto", "comment_id": "e7djc19"}, {"question": "Need an inpatient facility (can pay)", "description": "Afraid to self commit to regular psych hospital but need help for a month or two. Can pay for facility. Anyone know how to find one?\nI\u2019m female autistic adult. ", "answer": "What country are you in?  If it's the U.S., look on the back of your health insurance card (if you have insurance) and you can usually find provider info on your insurance company's website or there will be a number to call for mental health.  \n\nAlso.... not sure what you mean by \"a regular psych hospital\" but still want to go to an inpatient facility.  Can you explain a little?\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7xtbcy", "comment_id": "dub7tcn"}, {"question": "Adaptogenic herbs and their androgenic effect", "description": "I\u2019ve read plenty of stories about maca working miracles for women with PCOS, and just as many studies proving it can actually raise T levels. Whom to believe?\nSame goes for ashwagandha and holy basil.\nAnyone here had any experience with adaptogenic herbs? I\u2019ve tried taking those 3 but have stopped about 4 days in due to their potential effects on elevating testosterone and that\u2019s the last thing anyone with PCOS needs lol. ", "answer": "I took ashwagandha for a while. It did great things for me overall - better sleep, weight loss, less anxiety. T levels stayed normal but my DHEA is now QUITE high, and I did notice increased facial hair around that time. Hard to pinpoint, though, as I was also on fertility drugs off and on throughout. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "a9pk11", "comment_id": "eclbn7s"}, {"question": "I want to feel connected to my husband again and I don't know how.", "description": "I'm [27/f] and lately, it feels me and my husband [28/m] have lost our connection to each other. I believe most of our problems began when we moved into his parent's very tiny and crowded house with our toddler [22mo/f]. I don't feel comfortable, but financial we are not in a situation where we can just move out. I believe a lot of our arguments stem from that issue. I try not to make it a big deal, but its seems like every face expression, sigh or lack of expression I make is scrutinized, even when I assure him it's related to other issues. Recently, he's been grumpier than usual and every time I try to talk to him he either rolls his eyes, is on his phone, or playing Madden. He plays Madden for 3 hours plus and while I understand gaming is used for stress relief this game gets him angry beyond reason and when's he playing he does not like to be distracted, which is impossible with our active toddler.  \n\nI sometimes feel resentment towards the game and his phone, because I feel underappreciated, and generally, like a burden when I ask him to stop playing. I feel pressured to be this super exciting person, with these amazing plans if I am going to interrupt his madden time, but usually, I don't have any plans I just want to feel connected to him again.\n\nI feel like I start a lot the arguments because I want something I am not sure I am going to get from him. \n\n", "answer": "start going on dates, just the two of you. that's how you connected in the first place. and come up with a quality time plan for everyday time together.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67ba8g", "comment_id": "dgp9arm"}, {"question": "[23/f] Me questioning relationship with the person (27/m) I'm dating.", "description": "We've been dating for 10 months, broke up once (I initiated it, got back together after) because I was unhappy with things. At that point, we were arguing a fair bit over silly things. \n\nWe stopped arguing but everything else kinda stopped as well. In a week (at maximum), we talk about once on the phone, exchange a few texts (no more than 10?), and meet once or twice for a coffee or something. Sex occurs once a month... maybe. \n\nEvery bit of communication, I initiate.\n\nWe're both busy with out work and studies but does it get this bad? I went from feeling like I wanted more to just not  wanting to hang out at all to... not knowing what to do. \n\nI don't know how to question this or bring this up without first drilling myself with questions; Am I being needy? Am I being demanding? Have we always been this way? Is it my fault? What is wrong with initiating everything? There's nothing wrong with initiating everything? Does he like me?... and it is driving me nuts.\n\nWhen we meet, things are amicable. We talk about our lives briefly, coffee, stuff, etc. I don't want to ruin things by bringing up something I'm unhappy with. \n\nIt's just weird for me that he doesn't sense anything; if he does feel that something's wrong, he pretends well. \n\nThere are times when I want to lash out, say or do things that I feel would hurt him because I feel hurt. I feel like a sensitive, angry teenager for being butthurt over something simple. I'm trying to keep myself busy but it still hurts and I keep coming back to feeling this way. \n\nIt's like I'm going through the motions; ups and downs. On some days, it feels OK, on other days, I just don't want this. \n\nHow do I live with this and make it feel OK? I don't know how to bring this up and I can't do it at the moment, because we're both really busy and I genuinely don't want to be the person that breaks things up again. \n\nI don't get what he sees in us dating; it's so boring and I've a better relationship/camaraderie/rapport with people I've met very recently than him. I think I want him to break up with me. \n\nIn all honesty, I feel ashamed more than anything for being this sensitive, needy, emotional, etc. The general advice is to usually leave but honestly, I just can't give enough fu**s to do it. \n\nI just need advice to get through this and feel sane again. \n\nTL;DR: Help me figure out a way to feel sane while amicably, sporadically dating a guy I'm not sure about. ", "answer": "It doesn't seem like you think things can change, so do you want to feel this way in 6 months? Hell, do you want to still feel this crappy a week from now? You both deserve passion. You know you need to break up with him, don't drag it out until he does it for you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4lv3oc", "comment_id": "d3qdw1r"}, {"question": "\"You don't look like you have schizophrenia.\"", "description": "I don't look like I have schizophrenia, but I stay silent in fear that I will say something inappropriate, or have a word salad fall out of my mouth. You percieve this as shyness.\n\nYou may not be able to tell, but under my clothes are strategically placed scars, the blade scores my skin in places you will never see. You percieve the way I dress as modesty.\n\nI don't shower or change for a week on end. And when I leave the house, my significant other often has to tell me I am wearing something inside out or backwards. Sometimes it takes me a couple of tries, and you see only the end result.\n\nI don't seem like I have schizophrenia, but when in mixed company, I will take excessive trips to the bathroom, just for a moment of silence, because things are a bit too loud. You see someone with an over-active bladder. \n\nI don't seem like I have schizophrenia, because the whole world would fear me if I did. And when I DO act out of character, because my mask has become too heavy, you are shocked. You perceive this as selfishness, toxicity, or childlike. \n\nI don't look like I have schizophrenia, but, my friend, you are not looking close enough.", "answer": "\nJust touching and so real. Thanks for writing this, it's inspiring. \n\n\nThanks, can I use it in my training?\nI teach Counselling and Psychotherapy, and this week I'm going to teach \"Working with difference\".", "topic": "schizophrenia", "post_id": "dry2lx", "comment_id": "f6nbxoi"}, {"question": "Anyone take Gabapentin? I\u2019m Standing waiting for the subway and feel like I\u2019m going to fall over and go into a deep sleep.", "description": "I really do not want to stop taking it because it immediately cured all my withdrawal symptoms I had with CHS. I dying here. Can\u2019t be productive all. Anyone have any ideas?", "answer": "If this is a new Rx it might take time to adjust and build a tolerance so that it\u2019s not making you so sleepy. Also check with your dr and see if they have some ideas to change dosage or dosing instructions (how much and at what times of day.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eycd09", "comment_id": "fggjwa3"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t stop over analyzing everything and it\u2019s draining me {F 25}", "description": "My anxiety makes me over analyze every little detail of my social life, I over think every social interaction and constantly think that everyone hates me.\n\nExample; a friend of mine always looks watches my snap stories, & today he didn\u2019t watch the 2 snap stories I posted, and now I think he hates me now & it\u2019s making my anxiety and depression worse thinking well if he hates me then so & so must hate me and so on and so on\n\nI just had to get this out cause I can\u2019t talk to anyone about this ", "answer": "I understand how tough it is to over analyze.  Heck, it\u2019s my job to do that.   Maybe try radical acceptance.  Just accept what you\u2019re feeling and identify the feeling.   Mindfulness also really helps with anxiety.  There are some great apps out there that are easy to use and very helpful. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "91vcrm", "comment_id": "e313f8o"}, {"question": "Can I drink in Moderation on Antidepressants?", "description": "Female, 24, 158 lbs, 5'5, 150mg Zoloft\n\nWould it be okay to have a drink or two in social situations on Zoloft?", "answer": "Zoloft has no dangerous interactions with alcohol, although it might make you feel sleepy faster.\n\nAlcohol consumed in moderation is fine, but it tends to worsen depression. Just something to be aware of.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e75k7a", "comment_id": "f9viwyk"}, {"question": "Am I being too sensitive over my S/O name calling?", "description": "My partner has a tendency to call me dumb/stupid in moments when she feels that I'm acting without common sense. Admittedly, there are times where I can miss the mark and be a bit empty headed, so I try to empathize with her frustration. I could also put in more effort to be more attentive. Sometimes, she says it jokingly, but there are other instances where the anger is very real. I've asked her not to call me that, but she feels it's unfair not permit her to express that. Her response has sometimes been \"stop doing stupid sh\\*t then\" when I've asked her to stop. \n\n​\n\nFurthermore, in situations that have turn into real fights, she has resorted to cursing at me. I am not perfect, and I do have many things that I could work on in myself. I have hurt her in my own ways, most of which aren't intentional, but still. I've refused to cross that line with her, as I know how much it hurts. She has called me a POS more than once, f\\*ck you and other things. We have talked about this multiple times, but again she feels like I'm impeding on her ability to express herself by telling her that it isn't okay.   \n\n\nI am finding it hard to balance my understanding of her perspective and standing up for myself. Is this ever okay, even if I'm doing things that upset her in our relationship?", "answer": "Name calling is never appropriate. The fact that she tries to turn it around on you (stop doing dumb things then) is not only immature, but it puts the blame on you. YOU are now responsible for her hurting your feelings. Never forget: she can't control your behavior, she can only control how she responds to it. And she is CHOOSING to respond in a way that knowingly upsets you. If she cannot respect you and your wishes for her to NOT CALL YOU NAMES, then perhaps instead you need to find someone who will call you names like Sweetie or Honey or Schmoopie :)", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9h7ndv", "comment_id": "e6avwfi"}, {"question": "Is there an equivalent of \"gentle dental\" for therapists?", "description": "I've seen those dentists that specialize in people who have a phobia of going to the dentist.\n\nIs there an equivalent for therapists? Since college (15-20 years) I've thought about getting help for my issues but I'm terrified at even the thought of calling a therapist to schedule an appointment. I guess it's just an irrational fear but there are so many things I can't face. I'm afraid I won't be able to talk. I'm afraid they'll ask questions I don't want to answer (but refusing to answer will be just as revealing). I'm afraid of all the shame I will experience going over my problems.\n\nIs there any type of \"gentle\" way to get into therapy for people who are afraid of it?\n\nThanks\n\nEdit: sorry this was a stupid question ", "answer": "Depending on the state you live in, you may have access to therapy via a video chat service (i.e. Skype) - I wonder if that would be a more comfortable start!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3cg7y9", "comment_id": "csvy75a"}, {"question": "Can migraines cause lesions even if you've stopped them with medication?", "description": "I recently read a study that of patients with migraines, 30% had brain lesions. I'm worried because I have crippling, screaming, bed-ridden migraines that can come as often as twice a month. I recently started taking extra strength asprin (+caffeine) at the first sign to avoid as many as possible for fear that this was occurring. But I'm curious if the damage still happens. \n\nFemale\n30\n5'3\"\n120\nCaucasian\nLifelong occurrences\nCause is severe scoliosis\nOnly OTC meds", "answer": "MRI changes in people with migraines are a fairly new discovery. They're also not directly my area of medicine, but I haven't seen anything that compares imaging with untreated vs treated migraines. Regardless, if not for structural reasons than to reduce your own pain and discomfort, I would recommend seeing a doctor for your migraines. There are headache specialists, usually neurologists, but initial management can often be done by your primary care doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ahg5pt", "comment_id": "eeebzte"}, {"question": "What are the odds for a false positive diagnosis?", "description": "I just wondered if I may have to a certain degree already jeopardized a potential assessment due to confirmation bias, as I've rather thoroughly informed myself about aspergers.\n\nAlso, would choosing a therapist who's specialized in autism have a similar effect; would someone who's an expert in personality disorders rather assume that I may be schizoid, for instance? Simply because they're looking for something specific?\n\nI'm not too worried about any diagnosis, nothing wrong with having a problem, I just want clarity, rather than an educated guess.", "answer": "It does happen, but I would definitely prefer seeing a specialist over a non-specialist.  Asperger's experts generally agree: a specialist is better.  The best thing you could do might be to explore your concerns with your psychiatrist.  I did that, and she actually let me redo parts of my assessment at no charge.\n\nFriendly Reminder:\nIn 21 days, a new Diagnositic and Statistical Manual will be released and Asperger's disorder will no longer be a widely accepted diagnosis in many areas of the world.  Instead, there will be Autism spectrum disorder with different levels of severity.\n\nIt is up to you of course, but you may want to wait to pursue a formal diagnosis until the book is released and you can find a mental health professional that will diagnose you with it.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1djnwc", "comment_id": "c9qz4ub"}, {"question": "Help - Does depression make you dumber/slower?", "description": "I'm a senior in college and I've been struggling so much lately to keep up with my pitiful three classes. Topics and concepts that my peers grasp immediately I take much longer to understand; generally I process things *much* slower and it's driving me nuts. I want to chalk it up to depression, which I have been diagnosed with, but maybe I'm just slower in general? I'm working in a group project and when we have meetings everyone has these brilliant ideas and I'm stuck going, \"wait guys, I'm confused... slow down.\" And my memory is just shit. \n\n\nSchool is exacerbating my depression so much and I wish I could just sit and do nothing all day but of course that's not a good option. I desperately want to drop out so I can do things that make me feel happy and not like like a complete imbecile. If I can't handle three undergrad classes, how will I possible handle the \"real world\" and a career and all that? And no, I'm not even in a particularly difficult major.\n\n\nDo you experience this general feeling of mental slowness? Like you take longer to understand things and are not very quick-witted or sharp?", "answer": "They call it \"psychomotor retardation\" - a general slowing-down of mental and/or physical activity - and it is one of the possible symptoms of depression. Difficulty concentrating is another one. I can also relate to what Xeltoor's saying; it's probably hard to focus on school when your inner voice is scolding you about \"how do you expect to handle the 'real world'?\" and all that. It sounds like you're getting treatment (?), which is great. It takes time.\n\nAlso, you mentioned two desires - \"I wish I could just sit and do nothing all day\" and \"I want to do things that make me feel happy\" - and I just wanted to point out that the desire to do nothing is probably depression-related (even if you've always liked doing nothing, depression REALLY makes you want to zone out or sleep), while the desire to do things that make you feel happy is quite healthy. For me, the trick was knowing which was which.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "18xku7", "comment_id": "c8iyt22"}, {"question": "My mom is absolutely convinced there are worms living in her skin. Please help.", "description": "Female, early 40\u2019s, I don\u2019t think she has other medical conditions. She is a recovered alcoholic and hasn\u2019t drank in years. \n\nDuration of complaint: almost a year\n\nLocation: primarily in her hands. \n\nOk, so, my MIL randomly started complaining of tiny worms in her skin. She has shredded her hands from picking and squeezing and scratching. Doctors aren\u2019t helping her. \n\nI don\u2019t see anything, but my boyfriend thinks he saw a little worm once. She keeps a bag of these \u201cworms\u201d but they just look like chunks of dead skin. \n\nToday she sent me a video of \u201cproof\u201d of one of these worms and I don\u2019t know what to think. It just looks like a silver hair, but one end of it is moving all around, like a worm. But the rest of it is perfectly still. I don\u2019t know. \n\nWe all thought it was some sort of mental thing but I\u2019m not so sure now. \n\nCan anyone tell me what to do here? Are there any type of worms that live in skin and are like thin white strings? What doctor do we even go to about this? \n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "Any suspicion on cocaine use (or withdrawal for that matter)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dn2e6x", "comment_id": "f57f8im"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Also please  try to get help for you and your friend. You don\u2019t have to live unhappy. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "dr8yehl"}, {"question": "Feeling anxiety when talking to moderately attractive women or figures of authority", "description": "Hi everyone,\n\nI am 24 year old male and new to this sub-reddit. I think I have somewhat of a social anxiety disorder. This is especially true when talking to moderately attractive women or figure of authority ( at work for example). I have to admit that I have never asked a girl out in my entire life, by fear of rejection ( although I did have 2 girlfriends).\n\nBelow are some of the symptoms I feel when facing these social situations:\n\n1.I feel like I become conscious of my eye contact. For example I manually tell myself okay, lets make 5 seconds of eye contact then lets look away for 3 seconds. This thought process doesn't occur when I am not anxious. When talking to someone, I feel like I focus more on giving a good impression than on the interaction itself.\n\n2.I also feel like I have to focus on breathing correctly.\n\n3 I say really weird stuff and I tend to not articulate properly.\n\n\nFrom what I read online I think I might be triggering the FFF response in these kind of situations. Is there something I can do on my own before seeking help from a specialist?", "answer": "First, I think the best thing you could do is work with a therapist to help with this.  There are plenty of things you or anyone can do to help with social anxiety, but think of it like going to the gym.  Most people can go to the gym and see good results, but if you have a personal trainer, it's much more likely you'll see results much better/faster and reduce the risk of hurting yourself.  Works the same for therapy in most cases.  \n\n\nThe best thing you can do on your own is to just practice putting yourself in anxiety producing situations, triggering your flight/fight/freeze response and doing your best to see through the situation regardless.  Over time, the severity of your anxiety will be reduced.  \n\nTry your best to completely ignore the eye contact portion of social interactions, especially this idea of (making too much eye contact).  Generally, if you're living in a Western country, the expectation is for full eye contact throughout an entire conversation so being self-conscious over making too much is all in your head.  Granted, the expectation for eye contact differs with other cultures and might be worth taking into consideration.  \n\n-Forget about articulating things properly.  Nobody else cares as much as you do.  In most cases, people won't even have picked up on half the mistakes you were aware about and beat yourself up over.  \n\n\nStay focused on your breathing however if you begin to become overwhelmed.  Long, slow, deep breaths will help to calm your nervous system and help reduce or cope with the physical anxiety symptoms.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "8jczu5", "comment_id": "dyypk88"}, {"question": "Confused about my dads cancer biopsy", "description": "Father \n59 Years old\n6\u20194\u201d\nUS\nHad Stage 3 cancer now it\u2019s back \n\nMy father\u2019s throat/neck cancer is back and as they found a spot on a salivary gland. They did a biopsy to confirm and came back positive for the cancer. While my dad was talking to the doctor on the phone the doctor stated the PET scan would be next Friday. My dad replied by asking if it is to see if it has spread and the doctor stated yes. Now, my dad is convinced this means the doctor thinks it has spread but how would he know? I just wanted to get some opinions before I try to put him at a little bit of ease. Would there be a way for a doctor to know it spread from the neck to another part of the body solely based on a biopsy? ", "answer": "No. As the doctor said, the PET scan is to see *if* it has spread, and if so where, because that has implications for treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9bnzyn", "comment_id": "e54fczh"}, {"question": "How can I help my wheelchair bound wife increase blood flow to her leg to avoid amputation above the knee.", "description": "35\nFemale\n5'4\"\n140lbs\nCaucasion\n3 months\nChicago\n\nCar accident in 2003. Severed and reattached left foot/ankle. Car accident in 2020. Shattered knees shin bones foot and ankle currently held in place with external fixture from mid shin down on same leg/foot. Failed skin graft basically her leg is dying. \n\nPain meds\n\nDoctor today said blood flow was too weak to do below knee amputation and ordered a ct. We are trying to do anything to avoid above the knee amputation. What can we do at home to increase blood flow before this test next week to make it more likely they don't take her whole leg. Thank you\n\nFoot left https://imgur.com/gallery/MMVxkLF", "answer": "This is a question for doctors. In general, vascular surgeons are the experts in ways to salvage limbs and improve blood flow. With enough damage, sometimes it just can't be done. If there were a good thing to do at home, you would have been told.\n\nI'm sorry for you and your wife. Car crash injuries can be devastating and it doesn't all stop at the moment of the crash.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "k5mssp", "comment_id": "ggaop79"}, {"question": "Too much of a good thing?", "description": "Hey, guys! \n\nNew to everything, made this account in a bit of a panic so that I could get some opinions. Next doctor\u2019s appointment is a month away so I\u2019m a little desperate. \n\nAnywho, I was prescribed 20mg of Adderall XR a few months ago (this was after a lengthy process of confirming that I had ADHD, and that this medicine was the correct next move to treat it) and the results have been really great. I take it, and about an hour later I feel quite extraordinary; focused, confident, sociable, and in a way very excited to be alive. It\u2019s a sort of contentment I have never felt before. Naturally, this has me worried. \n\nI can\u2019t stop wondering if it\u2019s working too well, or that I\u2019m getting too much of the medicine and what I\u2019m feeling isn\u2019t consistency or focus, but euphoria. I keep wondering if it\u2019s somehow getting me \u2018high\u2019 (I\u2019ve always been a total dork and have never used any drugs, and also barely ever drink so I don\u2019t have a great frame of reference). \n\nSometimes at the mid point of the day I\u2019ll start to sink a little, and the excitement of being alright with wear off. It never returns to the way it was before the medicine, but there are declines and slumps. I\u2019ve become so worried about those slumps that I have started to obsess over them while I\u2019m still feeling great, and I think that\u2019s forcing me into a slump like some kind of neurotic self-fulfilling prophecy. \n\nIs this even possible? Is my medicine getting me high? Am I crashing?\n\nIs this all just me being anxious and sabotaging myself?\n\nI\u2019d love to know if anyone else goes through this, and if so, how I can stop worrying about the slump so much that it kills the focus. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "I'm a therapist.  I've struggled with ADHD seemingly since I was a teenager but was never diagnosed or medicated until a little over a year ago (I'm 32 now).  I take 10mg Adderall twice a day.  Once with breakfast and once with lunch.  \n\n\nFor about the first week of taking it I did feel very slightly \"high\" as I was adjusting to it.  Other than it being a stimulant, I think part of feeling good, confident, sociable is that for us folks with ADHD, it's really going to help kill a lot of your stress and anxiety that you're just used to walking around with all the time.  \n\n\nFor instance, even on good happy days prior to being medicated, my mind was still always racing.  I used to tell folks that half the time my inner monologue seemed like one of those fast talking auctioneers.  Whether I was happy or not, that shit is exhausting.  I never realized just how exhausting because it was just \"my normal\" for as far back as I could remember.  Not having to deal with that all the time helps me feel good, more confident, sociable, and yes.... excited to be alive now that I don't have to deal with all the struggles I've dealt with regarding ADHD as much.  \n\n\nI don't know how long you've been taking it, but for me, after a few months I got used to it.  I still feel great but it doesn't feel like \"Oh....yep....that's definitely gotta be the meds.\"  It feels more like \"Okay.... this is how people without ADHD feel.  Cool.\"\n\n\nI don't take my meds on most weekends because anyone taking them can build up a  tolerance.  I don't want to have to take any more than I am now to get the same effect.  When I don't take them, I go back to being pretty scattered on the weekend, but if I don't have any major responsibilities, I'm okay with that.  \n\n\nThere is a crash when the meds start to wear off, especially when you're not taking XR.  Right before I'm due for my second dose or when that's wearing off and I'm on my way home, often I'll feel a little extra anxious and up tight.  It usually only lasts about an hour before I calm down.  It's just something I've gotten used to and figure is well worth it for 8-9 hours of being able to function like a \"normal human\" during the day.    ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aqyhzo", "comment_id": "egjj5uu"}, {"question": "Any tips for getting motivated as a college student with ADHD?", "description": "I just finished my first year of college and I realized about halfway through something wasn't adding up and started to have suspicions that I had ADHD-my dad and sister also have symptoms but never got tested. \n**I have tried to form better work habits, and it has improved some, but overall it feels like i am fighting a losing battle**. The only thing that motivated me through the last two quarters to get decent grades was the fear of being lesser than everyone(unhealthy mindset, i know). But now that i'm taking only one summer class. i just can't bring myself to even try. Deep down I am very ambitious, I just have failed to put in the necessary effort. and i HATE myself for it. I do have long term depression which I am successfully being treated for- wellbutrin has worked better than any other ssri I tried for motivation but I am still not where I should be. \n\nI got tested for ADHD and find out my results tomorrow but am 99% sure that my suspicions are right.\n\nI was wondering if anyone would have things i can try to motivate me and make it easier to bring myself to just getting the necessities done/what has worked for you. I am taking on a very difficult course load this upcoming year and am scared shitless that i won't be able to get through it though I desperately want to.\n\nTLDR; **if i am prescribed something I will say yes, but the reason i'm looking to try behavioral changes is because I am on my parent's insurance and they are strongly opposed to ADHD medications. My mom is very blatantly ignorant and doesn't understand that my academic struggles are not entirely under my control. So there is a possibility she will force me to give up any medication I am prescribed even though I am over the legal adult age.**", "answer": "Learn what works for you. \n\nGoing into uni is the ONLY way I get anything done. \n\nFor assignments I write a little at a time. I plan to do an intro and that's it, often getting into it gets me motivated to carry on. \n\nTIME MANAGEMENT IS YOUR FRIEND. Set your own deadlines they are smaller so instead of \"write assignment by due date\" do \"Set up title page today\" and \"write 200 words tomorrow\". It's so much easier.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cahxoj", "comment_id": "et9dzn7"}, {"question": "Scared to take my new meds.", "description": "42, female, 5'6\", 200 lbs., Caucasian.\n\nBipolar disorder, anxiety disorder with panic attacks.\n\nCitalopram 40 mg 1/per day. Buspirone 20 mg 3/day.\n\nSo I started seeing a new doctor a few months ago (he's 2 blocks away compared to 20 miles), and he changed my meds from escitalopram to elavil. It helped me get to sleep at night, but it didn't help my anxiety at all, which triggered panic attacks. 2 weeks ago, he put me back on citalopram (Celexa and lexapro have worked well for me, but I get sleep issues). When I went then, my blood pressure was about 140/110. It is normally around 120/70. We agreed that it was likely due to the anxiety and, while I am certainly feeling better, I am also certainly still anxious. Yesterday, I went back for follow up, and my blood pressure was around 140/100. I could tell when I walked in that my blood pressure was high. He has prescribed chlorthalidone 25 mg once per day.\n\nI am scared to take it. My blood pressure feels fine, and I'm afraid that it will lower it to dangerous levels. My anxiety is centered around my health, so I'm sure I'm being silly, but would really like some reassurance from a medical professional. \n\nThank you so much for your time and for everything that you do for free to help the people of this sub.", "answer": "If you have bipolar, have you been tried on any mood stabilisers (eg Lithium)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4y05p0", "comment_id": "d6k3tuk"}, {"question": "I'm Afraid to Incite a Family Investigation", "description": "Hi, everyone. I've been thinking about seeing a counselor more recently these past few years to discuss my mental health, which I think stems from (basically) a pretty poor quality of domestic living. I don't think there would be much reason for this now, but I'm afraid that what I'd disclose to my counselor would make them legally obligated to investigate my immediate family... I'm guessing as long as my younger brother is still underage. Could this be true?\n\nThis is a major point of contention for me if so, because I don't want anything to be unnecessarily shaken up in my family's home life while I'm temporarily depending on them for some financial aid. Is there any way I could avoid this? (I live in a different city now if that matters)\n\nI've looked into online counseling resources to try and avoid in-person counseling, like [7cupsoftea](www.7cupsoftea.com) but I feel like my background is just too inter-wound in varying acting forces and emotions to sum it up in a chatbox. \n\nI'm not very active on Reddit heh, so thanks in advance. I'll pop back eventually and read any constructive responses. :)", "answer": "Counselors (and indeed all therapists, including psychologists and psychiatrists) are bound by their respective Codes of Ethics.  Across the board, one of the ethical principles they operate under is confidentiality. Nothing you say to them can be repeated without your express written permission.\n\nTherapists may only break confidentiality under a few tightly defined circumstances. \n\n1. **In the case of a client being an imminent danger to himself or others.** Note that the client must be an *imminent* danger.  This means that they are going to commit suicide or assault/kill someone that day, or have immediate, executable plans to do so.  In this case, ethics dictates that we break confidentiality in order to ensure that this doesn't happen.\n\n2. **In the case of a subpoena from a court of law.** If a judge shows up with a subpoena, we're required to hand all our records over.  It's very rare that this happens.\n\n3. **In the case of a client reporting an inappropriate sexual relationship with another therapist.**  That's a big no-no in the field.  \n\n4. **In the case of a client reporting child or elderly abuse.** Most codes of ethics dictate that a therapist should break confidentiality when they learn of a child or elderly person being abused, for their protection.\n\nIt's important to note that each of these circumstances depends on the therapist's definition of what constitutes a situation that falls into these categories.  What may be child abuse to one therapist may not be child abuse to another.  What may be imminent danger to one may not be imminent danger to another.  Even when circumstances do squarely fall into one of these categories, the clinician may decide that it is better for the therapeutic process to maintain confidentiality.\n\nIf you seek out a therapist, talk to them about these concerns.  Let them know that you don't want confidentiality broken, and ask them under which circumstances they would break confidentiality.  Then go from there.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4asifp", "comment_id": "d13fh7l"}, {"question": "Depressed and coping with a family member's addiction. Any help will be very appreciated.", "description": "Hello- this is my first time posting on reddit, ever. I just stumbled along this subreddit and was hoping I could just get some advice, or perhaps just vent. \n\nI'm 18 years old, I've had cycles of depression since I was 13. At the start, it was bullying but we moved and it's become so so much better- my school life is good now. However, when I was 14 I found texts between my dad and a prostitute. As I would later discover, he's been a sex addict for 20 years. My world was literally ripped apart, I was exposed to this disgusting side of a person and a world at an age where I don't think I completely understood what sex was. I told my mom- who had already known for years- and we begged him to stop, get sober and seek help. I found new texts 2 weeks later. \n\nThe past 4 years have been hell. It's been cycles of forgiving him, getting close to him, trusting him only for him to break my heart again. He refuses to get long-term help, lies constantly to our faces and breaks my trust over and over again. It feels like a never ending emotionally abusive cycle that I can never break. \n\n A month ago, my sister found texts for the first time. **She's 14.** My mom has been diagnosed with a form of PTSD coupled with depression. She has no self worth anymore. Last month when my sister found those texts, there was a lot of crying and yelling and he promised, swore he'd get help, begged for a final, last chance. He started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings and following the 12 step program. \n\nI found texts from another prostitute from last night. The amount of times I have to read explicit details about what my father wants from a woman- I have no clue how messed up I am or how my future relationships will be because of this. It hurts so much to think of that. There was another period of yelling and crying last night. He's staying at a hotel for now. This is starting to effect my studies, my life. I have no will to do anything anymore. \n\nThank you for reading- any advice or comments would mean the world to me. ", "answer": "Sendlord gives some good advice.  Getting into your own therapy to process all of this is probably the best thing you can do.  I can't tell you how many adults I've provided therapy for who were in therapy specifically to learn how to overcome the damage done by being raised by parents with significant mental health issues.  Despite all the help, 12 step programs like AA and NA are rarely very effective.  There's always a few people you can point to and say \"well they did it and they've been sober or for ____ years\" but all in all the overwhelming majority of people don't get better from a 12 step program without also getting some therapy focused on mental health.  \n\nAlthough 12 steps groups like AA and NA are generally and statistically not very helpful for those addicted (by themselves), groups that are set up for family members of addicts (Al Anon, Nar Anon) I'm sure there's some for family members of sex addicts though may be harder to find, are extremely helpful for those coping with family members with addictions.  Consider finding and joining a support group for family members.  \n\nAt the end of the day, remember your father's decisions, while causing havoc in your present, only has to impact your future as much as you let it.  Once you have the ability to be independent, you get to decide how close or distant you want/need to be from him in order to be healthy yourself, and there's nothing wrong with setting that boundary.  \n\nSorry to hear you're going through this and best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zdcha", "comment_id": "dungh40"}, {"question": "What to do with Ex GF (long)", "description": "So,  I have an ex that I dated for 2 years after which we broke it off on good terms but still stayed in contact.   We still love each other and talk once every 2-3 months.  We talk about everything including current relationships (we don't share details).  \n\nAnyway, I have a problem with alcohol and this Ex helped me a lot when we were together and even after we broke up.  About 6 months ago  I completely screwed up and started drinking heavily, now am in a very bad place with the alcohol.\n\nSince I screwed up, I haven't talked to this Ex ignoring her email/calls primarily because, I am so embarrassed with what i have done to myself.  I want to talk to her because she always helps me and gives me good advice.  \n\nHowever, I know that alcohol hurt our relationship and it is always a topic when we talk.  I am just so sick and tired of always having to lean on her for help with this problem and often wonder why she even wants to put up with me and my problems.  It has gotten very repetitive and I feel like if she finds out how far I have fallen, she will loose the little respect she has for me. \n\nSo yesterday I got a voice mail from her wondering if I was okay since we hadn't talked in a long time (6-8m).  \n\nHow do I let her know I am okay physically but, going through a tough time currently and that I don't want to talk to her about this problem?\n\nI have thought about emailing her instead of calling but, i am not sure what to write.\n\nany help would be appreciated.", "answer": "I was in a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. I got sober after we started dating. I went to AA meetings and they helped tremendously; however, once I was sobered-up I stopped going and fell out of touch with my sober friends. \n\nAfter my gf and I broke up, I realized there was a serious co-dependence issue going on between us. As much as I didn't think it was so while we were dating, my sobriety was tied to her. Once we broke up I was at the point where I was going to start drinking/doing drugs again, but instead I drove to a meeting and have been going back ever since. IMO, meetings definitely help. Take and leave from them what you will. As for the whole God thing, AA talks about a higher power as you understand him, so it leaves it kind of open-ended.\n\nUltimately you need to deal with and come to terms with your alcohol problem without the assistance of your ex. Stop being dependent on her advice, etc. to help you, and start taking the problem into your own hands. Put down the drink. It's not your hurt feelings, depression, etc. that are bringing you to drink, it's the fact that you want to drink that is making you do it. Take responsibility for the personal choice. Go to meetings, talk to a counselor, whatever you find that works. But don't be afraid to try new things.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "adi4g", "comment_id": "c0h1rbd"}, {"question": "Is modern psychotherapy a ripoff?", "description": "This is an x-post form /r/askpsychology, I'm hoping to find a more impartial angle here. \n\nIn most areas of medicine, or matters dealing with fixing one's self, there's a clear problem and a clear set of possible solutions. If you pay for a cure or a treatment and you don't get better, you stop paying for that cure or that treatment and you pay for another and hope it works out better. With psychotherapy on the other hand, it's never exactly clear if anything has been cured or treated. There's no finish line to say you're better and you can go home. IME, therapy comes to an end due to 'quitting' or 'taking a break', but not because anything was ever 100% fixed. \n\nWhy I believe it might be a scam is because you have this situation where the end goal is impossible to identify, the practitioner gets paid on an hourly basis, and they continue to earn money so long as you are not cured or fully treated, which is unlike most other areas of medicine, and a lot more like fortune telling or chiropractice. \n\nOther aspects that concern me are the tendency for sessions to last one hour. Personally, any time I have a discussion of deep substance with anyone, it lasts two to three hours. The first hour is consumed entirely with just opening up. It seems to me that one hour increments almost insure that progress will be limited and leave things undressed and unexplored. \n\nMore than anything though is the financial conflict of interest, in that the way a therapist makes the most money is not by correcting problems, but by sustaining them for as long as they possibly can, so that the patient/customer will have to return the next week. \n\nThe folks in /r/askpsychology were quick to point out that psychotherapists are licensed and that ripping off patients is an unethical thing to do. That doesn't exactly quell my underlying concerns. I have family who may need help, but so far I've been highly suspicious of the therapist's motivation to my family as a patient and not a continuous paycheck. Your thoughts are very welcome.", "answer": "I suppose it depends on the practitioner, and on the initial reason why each people seek therapy. Some practitioners are great, many are average, and some are ineffective. Some people seek therapy for a specific issue, whereas some people use therapy as an exploration in addition to improving their wellbeing. And of course, many present with several issues needing to be addressed. Some only require a few visits, some require ongoing work- even at a maintenance level, some may not benefit from one approach but may from another, and some do not benefit (for whatever reason).\n\nI've known many people who have successfully completed a course of psychotherapy. A whole host of research literature indicates that many people do benefit and see significant symptom reductions after undergoing psychotherapy. \n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3hne30", "comment_id": "cu902fv"}, {"question": "Anxiety or is it something worse", "description": "Greetings.  32 y/o male, 175 pounds.\n\nThis past month I have been experiencing trouble with my equilibrium, kind of feels like dizziness/vertigo, constant.  I have not fallen or anything like that and can walk/run no problem, thank god knock on wood.  Cognitive function is good and no memory problems, no problems moving my other limbs.\n\nMy GP initially suspected BPPV but is not so sure.  It feels like I\u2019m a rocking boat most of the time.  I also get these periodic \u201cbrain zaps\u201d, like an electric sensation that goes through my brain, lasts a split second but enough to frighten the daylights out of me.  I do have tinnitus, most likely from a lifetime of headphone use and concert going.  Constant headache/brain fog, feels like the back/top of my head.  No hearing loss as confirmed by two audiologists and one (very dismissive) ENT, who did not take my complaints seriously and implied I had mental health issues.  \n\nI have moved to a new city, have a new GP, who is referring me to a new ENT, and MRI/CT scheduled.\n\nNo current drugs.  I have a severe Vitamin D deficiency I am working on correcting, just started supplementing  last week.\n\nAll my life I have been a very healthy individual, prone to ear infections, but other than that, nothing.\n\nSome have suggested anxiety, looking at other possibilities or anything of note.\n\nThank you for your time, this is a trying time in my life.\n", "answer": "Anxiety usually makes you feel *anxious* and not like you're literally on shaky ground.\n\nBPPV usually comes episodically, not constantly; you can have some feeling of dizziness between episodes, but it should have distinct peaks and troughs. If it's really constant, that argues a little bit against a vestibular problem and more for neurology. Or anxiety, but I'd still call that a diagnosis of exclusion.\n\nTreatment of BPPV is straightforward and benign if you can find someone who knows how to do Epley/Sermont maneuvers. Physical therapists are a decent bet in my (limited) experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b3vu5", "comment_id": "dx3tly6"}, {"question": "I finally call to set up an appointment with a therapist and the front desk person kept laughing at me", "description": "So I finally called for an appointment for a therapist for the first time by myself. It took me 4 weeks to get ready to and was overwhelming but I finally did it. The only problem is... It sounded like the the person at the front desk was laughing at me. I felt humiliated a bit. When she was asking questions I kind of screwed up on answering some of them like my own address and after I had corrected myself she started laughing and it wasn't like a nervous laugh for me it was a full blown out laugh.\n\nIt blew my confidence I set up going into finally calling down the drain because of that I started stumbling on other questions more and everytime I would mess up or say sorry or correct myself she would burst out laughing and it didn't help at one point it felt like she was whispering at one point to someone while I was looking for my insurance information and she also couldn't tell if I was female or male. I sound like a male over the phone and I know that but it was embarrassing. \n\nI know I shouldn't be worrying as much because she's the front desk person but it was just rude and I felt like I didn't say anything that was worth laughing at. I had questions to ask her but I forgot because I was thinking to much into why she was laughing. I'm feeling really anxious to go now and I don't want her to be the reason I don't show up either. I feel like this is what's it going to be like talking to the therapist. He might laugh at me as well or in the inside. I don't know but could be the way I talk so now I'm self conscious again. I really hate all of this.. ", "answer": "Why are 90% of the responses here invalidating and condescending and most of all excusing the unprofessional professional. I'd let an employee do this just nonce. The first time they laughed at a potential client I'd let them go. It's because of exactly this situation where you can't control how someone takes it but you know that the person calling is struggling just to make the call. \n\nI hope you are able to make the appointment and that you can get what you need from the therapist. I completely believe that the assistant was being insensitive and judgemental. Excusing it makes it seem like this couldn't happen and it's just your fault for overreacting. That's BS. Anxiety, especially social anxiety thrives on this exact dynamic where many people are just not that nice and the anxiety knows this and worries about it. \n\nSo maybe go maybe call another place. You have to obligation to follow through if they were insulting. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6k9zq4", "comment_id": "djl1c4n"}, {"question": "Medication issues.", "description": "Hi, I'm a 19 year old female, who is 6ft tall and weighs around 23st (322lbs)\nI'm a type 2 diabetic and have also recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. \nI'm very stressed at the moment, as both of the medications I've been given for my BPD (Aripiprazole and Mirtazapine) can both make you gain weight. I also take Metformin for my diabetes, which is supposed to be weight gain promoting (although this isn't working for me)\nI don't want to gain weight; is the best option here to stop taking the psychiatric medication, or carry on and worsen the effects of my diabetes?", "answer": "UK shrink here.\nYoull have to make a judgement call on the meds with your prescriber. Theres no medication specifically for emotionally unstable personality disorder - but the medication can relieve distress or deal with any comorbid psychiatric illness.\n\nTalking therapies are more appropriate - any chance of accessing that?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "77wosp", "comment_id": "dopvrt7"}, {"question": "Daily Check-in Thread - October 18, 2018", "description": "Welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. Feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). You may also visit our new reddit chat room\nwww.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "2 1/2 days in from a CT after jumping at 12mg. I came down with bronchitis and laryngitis a couple of days before. Please tell me this gets better.  I\u2019ve used ambien 3 nights in a row and I\u2019m beating the shit out of myself for being dependent on something else. Luckily I have off work all week through the weekend because of the doctor\u2019s note. Idk how anyone could be doing this while working. I\u2019m also giving myself hell for not moving around or doing anything but I have no fucking energy. ", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9p6wys", "comment_id": "e7ztnru"}, {"question": "Depression when starting exposure therapy", "description": "I guess this is to be expected?", "answer": "Depression is common with OCD. Also, expect that your anxiety/ depression will get better and worse while eventually subsiding during the treatment process. \n\nThat being said, bring this up with your therapist during your next meeting. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "5cv7mn", "comment_id": "d9zq6vr"}, {"question": "3 years not drinking", "description": "3 years was on Wednesday. It was a busy week.\n\nAfter 3 years, things are still hard from time to time. I have other issues that I am still working on like my weight.\n\nI\u2019ve gained a lot. I have my own business. I get to help people. I got married. I have financial security. I have friends that care about me. I got my shit together and graduated from university. The biggest thing I\u2019ve gained is freedom from the chains of drinking. \n\nI can\u2019t help but think how easy it would be to lose all of that. I bet I could burn everything down in six months or less if I went back to the bottle.\n\nFor anyone struggling: I know it\u2019s really hard. I know how good it feels to be comforted by your liquid best friend for a short time. You can have so much more and be so much happier. Life is a struggle. Learn to love the struggle and you will find meaning and purpose.\n\nOne day at a time, IWNDWYT.", "answer": "Well done, kind and important words. When you mention the struggle of life it reminded me of a useful strategy I learned from Act therapy. It's called the Struggle switch... see YouTube for it if you thought it might interest you.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfy9wi", "comment_id": "eueaaee"}, {"question": "PLEASE Can someone tell me some inspiring 'did poorly in education but i am fine' stories PLEASE?", "description": "Obviously not that you left your college and became a billionaire and that kind of crap.\n\nI have yet to graduate and even if i do i will graduate with a craptacular grade \n\nI am fat,highly depressed with medication not helping me much.\n\nBut just some assurance  i find nothing interesting and all i think of is suicide the world would be better off without me. No one will hire me i suffer from social anxiety as well it's just bad.", "answer": "My mom never went to college, was on public assistance for a long time. She was able to take her personality and her ability to speak another language and charm her way into an international sales job. She now makes $60k a year and owns a very nice home.\n\nMy dad never went to college, had no direction, worked at several factories and various blue collar jobs when I was young. He ended up homeless for a time, living in a tent in the woods. He had some carpentry skills and free time on his hands being unemployed and started slowly making things that he would turn around and sell at craft fairs. One of the things he made took off and he now owns his own business and employs 15+ people in handmade woodworking.\n\nMy sister was a teen mom. She flunked out of high school and then flunked out of her GED program.  Several years later she finally got the GED, but ended up flunking out of three community colleges. Took some years off to waitress, finally decided what she wanted to do with her life and then went back to CC. Once she got good grades there she was able to apply for scholarships to a 4 year college. She graduated with her BA a few years ago and landed a job as a manager at a company. She's doing ok now.\n\nIt can be done! Find what you're good at.... Keep doing that... Become more skilled to the point people will pay you for doing it. Academia is not for everyone, and it shouldn't be. Everyone is gifted in different ways.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "1trcgo", "comment_id": "ceax1iv"}, {"question": "Got drunk, had fun, didn't smoke", "description": "Spent the night out drinking and dancing, people were smoking inside, but I didn't smoke. This is a major victory for me!\n\nI wanted to bum a smoke on more than one occasion throughout the night, but I didn't. I remembered how shit I felt when I caved during my previous quits, I never want to feel that again.\nI also figured out that you don't need cigarettes to have fun while out. I focussed my attention on the music, dancing and on conversation. I still need to get used to doing nothing with my mouth and hands besides drinking, though.\n\n", "answer": "Congrats! That's one of my hardest situations, too. Drinking and cigarettes. Must feel great to have overcome that! Keep it up!", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "6tenb2", "comment_id": "dlk4ldw"}, {"question": "Girlfriend advice please", "description": "I am 22 and I've been dating the same girl for seven years. I love her so much and she loves me. During the first year of our relationship I found out she cheated on me (not sex but everything else) with her ex. I stayed with her because she seemed so remorseful and everything else. Through the years all has been well other than a couple guy friends she has had that I had to tell her to cut off because she was either spending an abnormal amount of time with them or there were a few texts that I saw that I didn't like. Just recently I noticed she went on her exs fb and looked through his profile pics and also I saw her texting a guy she just met and the texts just didn't sit well with me as she was talking about personal stuff.. (I won't go into detail). Also she snapchats him and follows him on Instagram and fb and they literally just met. Anyways, what should I do in this situation? She's not going behind my back or anything, but it's just not something I think she should be doing when we are literally talking about getting engaged!!", "answer": "She doesn't seem to want the kind of relationship you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6idqyq", "comment_id": "dj5e3yr"}, {"question": "Cheating: To tell the truth or not to tell the truth", "description": "[18F] 2 months ago I started seeing this guy who I wasn't sure about at first but decided to give him a chance. As the relationship progressed I started falling for him more and more and now I'm completely in love with him and he treats me so well. As I said before I've never been in a serious so this is uncharted territory. \n\nLast night I went out with friends and got extremely drunk (to the point where I eventually passed out and don't remember much) and made out with a friend's friend multiple times who I had told earlier that night that I was in a relationship. After the incident I immediately went to the bathroom and started crying because I was so upset that I would do something like that to him because I love him so much and then I passed out. The guy that I made out with was also interested in two other girls there that were also in relationships. \n\nThis morning when I woke up I was still sick and vomiting and my boyfriend came and took care of me  which made me feel even worse and I felt terrible even talking to him - I couldn't look him in the eye, I felt so guilty. \n\nPlease give me advice on whether or not I should tell him and if so how to word it so as to not damage him. It's not a matter of my conscience but rather how it would affect him. The kiss meant nothing to me and isn't an indicator of how I feel about him and I really don't want to lose him. He's extremely in touch with his emotions and I really don't know how he's going to take it. ", "answer": "unless guilt will cause you infinite pain, don't tell him. you didn't have sex. no chance of disease. let it go and move on.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6l9nl5", "comment_id": "djs4iy1"}, {"question": "Black circles!", "description": "Hey all, \nOne of my biggest triggers for my bulimia is face fat. I've noticed the more I restrict or binge/purge the eyebags get WORSE. Seriously, it looks like I've been punched. My biggest insecurity was my face and now I'm making my face hard to look at because of these black circles. Has anyone else got these? It makes me wonder why I do this at all. Maybe it could be my wake up call", "answer": "I get faint dark marks but the little red dots are my giveaway that I\u2019ve purged recently.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hrzjx0", "comment_id": "fyakqtc"}, {"question": "I\u2019m (26f) diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Is it possible for me to be in a healthy and loving relationship?", "description": "I\u2019m so sick of hearing \u201cif you can\u2019t love yourself you can\u2019t love someone else.\u201d I read into Brene brown and her study of vulnerability and I get where this is based off of, but I am sickened by the idea that I can\u2019t love or it can\u2019t be healthy because I have a disorder. Essentially, from what I\u2019ve read, it\u2019s the general understanding that borderlines cant truly love because they don\u2019t have a sense of self or empathy. So, am I just doomed then? \n\nI\u2019m human too. I\u2019m not just my disorder. I love and I love hard, why don\u2019t I deserve to have that chance at happiness to?", "answer": "Yes, you (and others with BPD) absolutely can be in healthy loving relationships. There is a book many of my clients like and recommend called, \"Loving someone with borderline personality disorder\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bz7tes", "comment_id": "eqrdxvm"}, {"question": "This is becoming too much for me, I need advice on what to do", "description": "I may seem really petty saying this, but petty is my middle name and i gotta vent it out. \n\nmy ex and i recently broke up and hes doing things specifically to try and impress me to try and go out again. (note: the breakup was very healthy and there were no fights or yelling or anything like that. we are still friends)\n\nlike i said that i was going to get my haircut done in a undercut and i was really really excited to change up my hair style(ive had the same haircut for 6 years) but then he gets it cut as an undercut three days after i said that. now it would be kinda awkward to go to school with the same haircut as your ex. also he was planning on growing it out for years and having really long hair. cutting it was something out of the ordinary for him. and yeah i know that people can change, but this was JUST after i had said that and JUST after we broke up ((i actually feel pretty bad about this. i really wanted to cut my hair and this kinda ruined it. that sounds mean but ehhhh i dont even know anymore))\n\nive also gotten into flight rising, which is a site similarish to neopets but with dragons and i said 'i love dragons' and he said the most run on-forced thing ive ever heard my entire life...he said something along the lines of \"i love dragons. they are the best. if i had to choose a favorite mythological creature it would be dragons. i love them, they are the best. i would own lots of dragons\" ....and it went on. it felt SO forced and its hard to explain but it just didnt feel right or sincere\n\nalso another thing out of the ordinary is that he changed his username online. maybe he thinks that it would be more interesting and ill go out with him again but i just cant force romantic feelings for him. keep in mind that hes had the same username for the past 10 YEARS. so its kinda really suspicious\n\ni could be overthinking things but i need help on what to do. how do i confront him on this, or should i even confront him? is this something i should ignore or talk to him about it? i still wanna be his friend but i cant be romantically/sexually invested in him anymore. \n\nalso does anybody know whats even going on? i tend to overthink things alot and i dont know if hes still not over me...or if its something else\n", "answer": "Distance yourself from him like a majestic dragon distances itself from the soul sucking gravity of earth. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aamb2", "comment_id": "dhd1wr1"}, {"question": "Is it possible to exhibit symptoms of ADHD without having it?", "description": "I've looked at a couple questionnaires about ADHD and a lot of their symptoms seem like problems a lot of normal people have (procrastinating, not paying attention to people speaking, being disorganized, etc). In addition to having those symptoms, I am also very fidgety, lose things often, have a poor sense of direction, and work more slowly than most people. When I'm under pressure, I am more focused, faster, and make a lot fewer careless mistakes. However, usually, I have to slowly grind to get work done.\n\nOn paper, most people would consider me successful, which suggests that I don't have a mental disorder, so I'm confused as to why I seem to exhibit most of the symptoms.\n\nEdit: I'm in the US", "answer": "Mental health diagnoses are constructs meant to describe a cluster of symptoms. A lot of people think of mental illness as a \"you have it or you don't\" kind of thing (almost like an on/off switch) but in reality they more so fall on a spectrum. Most people will experience some of the synonyms of different mental illnesses at various points in their lives without necessarily meeting the criteria for a diagnosis, let alone feeling any negative impact on their lives. \n\nAlso, one of the requirements for a mental health diagnosis is that it causes impairments in various areas of your life (e.g. work/school, relationship). You might show a couple of the symptoms of ADHD because a lot of the symptoms are things that many people do experience at some points, without it negatively impacting your career. \n\nBesides that, though, plenty of people with ADHD are completely successful in school/work. If you're concerned that you might have ADHD/it's negatively affecting you, get in touch with a mental health professional. \n\nSource: am therapist", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "63cqc3", "comment_id": "dft6u8w"}, {"question": "Should I ignore random auditory hallucinations ?", "description": "Ive had them for a decade now,Im 29. I didn't even know there was a word to describe it until my friend a few years back mentioned it in a discussion. \n\nIt happens whenever I want to go to sleep but I cant. Im wide awake but know i should be asleep by now.   It sounds like every noise and soundtrack from the pokemon games are playing at once. Its basically as if 10 people were playing with their gameboys volume up in the next room, sometimes in the same room when it gets real bad. Its innocent enough, kind of annoying but I usually just deal with it. \n\n​\n\nLast night I did not hear that. It sounded like.... doors opening and deep wind howling among many other noises. Like my room was much larger than it was? I Just need to know If anyone experiences this and if its common or something our mind just does as a result of stress. Hearing all new noises as if they were right there just alarmed me.  It was actually kind of freighting. I felt my self hone in to single out sounds, almost as if I was moving \" deeper\" into this new found space. But I had this fear that made me just get up and shake it off because I never ever want to hear a voice, I feel like that would be too much.  \n\n​", "answer": "Hi there! Auditory hallucinations are not always necessarily problematic or symptoms of something serious, like a psychotic disorder. It's not too uncommon for people to experience them as they're trying to fall asleep. Most commonly, they're experienced as voices, so your experience sounds a little less common. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean it's pointing to some greater issue! However, given that hearing these sounds is starting to bothering you, I think it's worth bringing up with a mental health professional!   \n\n\nSource: currently getting my doctorate in clinical psychology", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9gvmuw", "comment_id": "e67k8ll"}, {"question": "HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN", "description": "**This is not my original post, it was written by** ***Nikhin*** **on 28th August 2018, on nosurf.org which has been deleted in last 2-3 month period. I have pulled all this from the web.archive.org (The wayback Machine). I am posting this because i was looking for these resources and i couldn't find them in this Sub.** **All the below experiences are his, not mine. Hope it helps you.**\n\n# HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN\n\nWhen I was younger, I could sit and read for hours. I still remember getting *Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix* and reading the 800 or so pages in one sitting.\n\nFast forward a few years to my freshman year of college and this ability was completely gone. I remember struggling to get through just 30 pages of reading that I had to do for my sociology class. My mind would be swimming by the time I got to the end of a page and after finishing a paragraph, it seemed like I had already forgotten what I had just read.\n\nWhat was happening?\n\nAt first I thought that the college material I was trying to get through was just a lot harder than what I read as a kid. But that wasn\u2019t it. That winter break I picked up the same tattered copy of *Harry Potter* I had read so many years ago.\n\nI could barely read it for half an hour without my brain feeling like it hit a wall.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t just my ability to read either. Other things had changed too. As a kid I was a great student. I was always reading books and learning new things. I had a fascination for the world around me and I loved to build things with my hands.\n\nAs I had gotten older I had slowly started spending more time on the internet and my old interests started to fade. It started with AOL instant messenger. Then playing video games with my friends. Finally to the point where I was just surfing Facebook and random websites in college.\n\nI never made any connections with my internet use and the other changes I had experienced. Until one day it finally clicked. My best friend from college gave me a copy of *The Shallows* by Nicholas Carr. With each page I turned came the dawning realization. The world around me was still the same. It was *my brain* that had changed\u2026\n\nI knew that it wasn\u2019t just me either, I saw the effects in everyone else around me. I would go around giving my copy of *The Shallows* to everyone I knew. Then I realized the irony of the situation. For my friends to know why they couldn\u2019t read books anymore\u2026they had to read a book, which they didn\u2019t have the attention span to actually do.\n\nI decided that I would type up a short summary of what I learned so that people could understand the basics. Then once they had learned enough to reset their attention spans, they could read the books on their own time. So enough chit chat. Let\u2019s dive in.\n\n# Part 1: Neuroplasticity\n\nScientists used to think that our brains were fixed and unchangeable. They thought that brain development was like pouring concrete into a mold. Once it solidified, it was set like that for the rest of your life.\n\nNow we know that the brain can change. This concept is called *neuroplasticity*.\n\n>*Neuroplasticity:the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction.*\n\n*via the Encylopedia Brittanica*\n\nFor NoSurf, we can simplify and adapt neuroplasticity into:\n\n*Our brains will physically change and adapt to the habits we perform every single day. As a result our cognitive abilities, personality traits, and emotional states can all change depending on our habits.*\n\nThis concept of neuroplasticity should be exciting to you. It means that if you\u2019re currently someone who can\u2019t focus, procrastinates, or doesn\u2019t feel that smart in general, it doesn\u2019t mean that your stuck this way forever. Your brain can improve and get better!\n\nBut before it can do that, you have to cut out the bad habits that are causing these issues. The bad habits like social media, gaming, news, and pornography.\n\nIf you\u2019ve been doing those things for a while, you might\u2019ve the following changes:\n\n1. A reduced ability to focus and pay attention to things\n2. Increased boredom or procrastination leading to mindless surfing\n3. A reduced ability to feel motivated and excited for non internet based activities\n\nThese changes are simply the result of repeated interactions with the internet.\n\n# So How Does The Internet Change Our Brains?\n\n>*The Net delivers precisely the kind of sensory and cognitive stimuli \u2013 repetitive, intensive, \u201cinteractive, addictive \u2013 that have been shown to result in strong and rapid alterations in brain circuits and functions. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*  \n>  \n>*We can assume that the neural circuits devoted to scanning, skimming and multitasking are expanding and strengthening, while those used for reading and thinking deeply, with sustained concentration, are weakening or eroding. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*\n\nWhen we browse social media or similar sites we get continuously bombarded with memes, clickbait, and gaudy advertising. Our brains become molded to information that arrives in 140 character tweets, 10 second snap stories, and instagram posts.\n\nWe start to form neural pathways that allow us to multitask, jump quickly from one piece of information to the next, and skim through lots of material without really retaining any of it.\n\nThese adaptations come at a cost. While these new pathways for internet use develop and strengthen, old ones start to fade. We become scatterbrained, frenzied, and continuously distracted. The parts of our mind responsible for deep focus and sustained attention atrophy and weaken.\n\nKey takeaway:\n\nOur minds melt and we turn into screen zombies starved for dopamine.\n\n# Part 2: Dopamine\n\nDopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel motivated to do things. Dopamine is what gets us off the couch to study for our final exams. It\u2019s also what makes us pull out our phones to check Instagram.\n\nDopamine is the driver behind the pursuit of *all* rewards. These rewards can be positive ones:\n\n* pursuing our college degree\n* training for a marathon\n* asking someone out on a date\n\nbut they can also be negative ones:\n\n* eating junk food\n* surfing social media\n* playing hours of video games\n\nFor most of history the things that released dopamine were *physical and tangible*. With the internet, we\u2019ve found that just pixels on a screen are enough to light up our hunter gatherer brains and deliver hit after hit of dopamine.\n\nBecause our philosophy on internet use is pragmatic, our suggestions are to focus on avoiding the most serious offenders first. The platforms on the internet that cause the most dopamine release are below. You can think of these as the mental equivalent of eating KFC, McDonalds, and Taco Bell everyday.\n\nSocial media platforms like:\n\n* Snapchat\n* Twitter\n* Instagram\n* Facebook\n\nVideo games (some games are much worse than others):\n\n* World of Warcraft\n* Hearthstone\n* League of Legends\n* Overwatch\n\nOthers:\n\n* YouTube\n* Clickbait sites\n* Pornography\n* GIFS/Memes sites\n\n## Dopamine Desensitization And Stimulation Threshold\n\nNote: *This is a theory I formulated from reading a few books in this area, most notably Irresistible by Adam Alter.*\n\nEating processed food everyday leads to obesity. What would happen if you consumed social media, video games, porn and other crap everyday? Is there a mental equivalent of obesity? Yes it leads to something called *dopamine desensitization*.\n\nWhen our brains feel the effects of dopamine over and over again, they become desensitized to its effects. This means that overtime we will need more and more dopamine to get the same effects (motivation, excitement, passion, drive) as we once did. This makes it harder and harder for us to pursue the more difficult and positive rewards of life rather than the default to what\u2019s easiest and makes us feel good in the short term.\n\nThis is because when we become desensitized to dopamine our *stimulation threshold* for performing activities increases higher and higher.\n\n>*Stimulation threshold:How stimulating (in terms of dopamine release) an activity has to be for you to find it enjoyable.*\n\nIf your stimulation threshold is high, it means that other activities in your life will start to pale in comparison to the internet. These activities don\u2019t release as much dopamine and can\u2019t compete in terms of stimulation. So no matter how hard you try you\u2019ll feel a lack of interest, procrastination, or low motivation to start things.\n\nThe way to make real life exciting and interesting again, is to reduce the constant flood of dopamine to your brain. Once this happens, your brain starts to rewire, literally growing new dopamine receptors. Overtime your stimulation threshold will reset back down to healthy and normal levels. Afterwards you will be able to read a book for hours, sit silently in meditation, and feel motivated for your academic and professional work again.\n\n# Conclusion\n\nI wrote this post so that I could share some of what I learned with members of our community. The point isn\u2019t to fear monger or suggest that we become luddites. It\u2019s to raise awareness of a widespread issue in society and empower people to make their own decisions of what to do. I do hope that reading it has inspired you to change, to some degree, the way that you use the internet. If the material interests you, I highly suggest going further and reading Nicholas Carr\u2019s book. I hope that it will change your life, the way it has changed mine.", "answer": "Thank you! This is amazing. Does anyone have all the info from [nosurf.org](https://nosurf.org) compiled? And/or is all of it able to be found on the sub?", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "dlknc1", "comment_id": "f4th7el"}, {"question": "Is what I'm feeling actually depression?", "description": "I'll just list some symptoms, which sorta form a bit of a story of the past few years:\n\n* lack of motivation started junior year in high school.  Grades slipped from straight A's to C's, then D's.  The work wasn't too hard, I just wasn't willing to do it, keep up, and apply myself, you know?\n\n* since about that time, I've avoided the company of group settings, preferring to be with one or two people instead of a crowd.\n\n* met a girl, then after highschool we got together.  We were in love. She was the light of my life.  I didn't like to be around people, but she was different.  Everything was okay with her there.  Not okay, amazing.  I loved life.\n\n* this girl changed me.  I was mediocre as a person before, she like, built me into who i am.  Anything I am thats good now is because of her influence.  She's one in a billion.\n\n* did a bunch of things my family didn't approve of.  Not bad things.  Joined a church, they nearly disowned me.  Wanted to do my own thing.  Hung out with this girl as much as I could.\n\n* got into a good state school.  Girlfriend went to one a few states away.  Insanely difficult to be away from her, she was what kept me going.  \n\n* Grades slipped farther without her there.  Darn near failed out.  Got back in. She transferred to my school sophomore (this) year.  Things were great for first semester.  We were going to get married.\n\n* spring semester, she was just losing interest.  Wasn't infatuated anymore.  Suddenly got annoyed by things I'd done for years.  Eventually broke up with me. this happened a month ago.\n\n* felt like the light had gone out of my life.  The only person I could ever be myself around, talk to openly, and trust with my whole being would hardly talk to me anymore.\n\n* lost darn near all the motivation I had left. Been doing bare minimum since.\n\n* ex-gf found someone better. they started a relationship a few weeks ago.  kills me, but they're perfect for each other.  she already wants to marry the kid.  he's everything she ever wanted.  I was always a compromise at best in comparison.\n\n* past while, i've done hardly anything.  No involvement outside of school, minimal church activities, no hanging out with \"friends\".\n\n* want to sleep a ton.  Don't want to wake up in the mornings.  But for the amount of time i devote to sleep, i hardly actually get any.  I always wake up tired.  Its not restful in the least.\n\n* I don't dream anymore.  I used to every now and then, past few months I haven't. \n\n======\n\n* not sure if its possible, but depression seems to run in my family.  My dad's got it bad, along with a ton of other men in his (huge) family.  It's ruined a lot of lives, broken a lot of families, including my own.\n\nSo guys, is this sounding like depression?  Am I just a wimp?  What advice can you give?  And thanks to anyone who read my wall of text, I really appreciate it.", "answer": "I work in a counseling center- Yes, what you're describing does sound like depression: fatigue, withdrawal, lack of motivation or energy, loss of interest, poor focus or concentration (im assuming by academic performances)- these are all symptoms of depression.\n\nNo, you are not a whimp. Literally millions of people experience this every year. Doesn't make you a whimp, freak, failure or anything of the sort.\n\nThe good news- it is very manageable and treatable. I'd encourage you to speak to a mental health professional. Since depression is common, most will have the skills to help you with what you're going through. You'll be fine :)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "rqwol", "comment_id": "c481qg9"}, {"question": "AA - I\u2019m struggling", "description": "I\u2019ve been to 47 meetings in the last 8 weeks. Today is my 30th day without a drink. This is my longest period of sobriety since I started drinking in my late teens (I\u2019m in my early 40\u2019s now.) I could not have done this without the support of the rooms. I don\u2019t have a sponsor yet.\n\nI really want this programme to work for me but I\u2019m struggling where to go from here. I\u2019m a lifelong agnostic, I see organised religion as a form of power and control.  I\u2019ve heard AA is a spiritual not a religious organisation more times than I can count.  I struggle with the wording of the first paragraph of chapter 5 at the beginning of every meeting.\n\nI know the higher power can be anything I want it to be. I\u2019ve been using the knowledge, friendship and experience of the rooms as my higher power.  This has got me to where I am today.\n\nI just cannot make any headway with step 3, it just seems impenetrable to me. I know step 3 is \u201cGod [higher power] as we understood him\u201d  Am I meant to say none of this is my problem anymore, over to you higher power, and just shrug my shoulders?  \n\nI\u2019ve been to two different step groups on step 3 and nothing that was shared has given me any insight on how to progress further.\n\nSo, I\u2019m struggling with the steps and the spiritual / religious duality of AA.\n\nI\u2019m tired and feeling a bit defeated tonight, I\u2019m going to bed (sober.) Thanks for reading.\n\n\n\nEdit:\n\nThank you all for the lovely bunch of comments waiting for me to read this morning.  I'm feeling more positive and have lots of new opinions to mull over.   I know I need a sponsor and will hopefully be fixing that in the next few days.\n\nI've been over thinking things, I can choose not to drink today, everything else around me will happen regardless.  I really liked the comment \"willing to become willing to become willing\"\n\nI've also been worrying too much about defining my God / Higher Power.  I can't define what exactly about the rooms has helped me not drink for 30 days when nothing else worked, but something is there, and I'll accept it with gratitude.", "answer": "I feel you\u2019re struggle. I would say that getting a sponsor is the first thing that can be done to help you understand your questions. Step three only means that you have made a decision to go through the rest of the steps basically. The result of these steps is the spiritual awakening through turning out will over to the care of a higher power of our understanding. We learn to do that through working all of the steps. To try and understand it all without doing them is a lot to ask of yourself. I get the skepticism, believe me I do. But for me, I had to give it an honest shot if I wanted what others had. And that meant that I needed to get a sponsor and just keep an open mind and follow suggestions. If I felt like it didn\u2019t work then it\u2019s not like I would be any worse off than before. It\u2019s clear that the program works for so many, and it can work for you too if you give yourself to it. Wishing you the best. Hope this didn\u2019t come off as preachy or anything because that definitely wasn\u2019t my intention! That being said...definitely get a sponsor; that\u2019s where to make your beginning!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ce4c1a", "comment_id": "etyppjj"}, {"question": "Missed dose of Lamictal 100mg 23/M", "description": "Hello,\n\nI forgot to take my dose of Lamictal last night. I am on 100mg before bed time. I'm now at the office and having very bad anxiety not sure if it's all in my head or if I should request time to go take my dose from last night. Maybe I'm over thinking and will be okay soon but if anyone knows please let me know as my doctor is not on call.\n\nThank you,", "answer": "Lamictal is not a good medication to miss. If it's \\<12 hours after you would normally take it, it's a good idea to take it now. If not, it's probably best to wait until tonight's dose. It's not usually a medication with significant withdrawal, but if you're anxious about it then whether it's physical or mental it's worth taking it to feel better.\n\nThis is a medication that's important not to miss. If you skip more than 1 dose often you need to restart back at 25mg per day and increase over a month back to where you were or you run the risk of severe side effects. They're rare but serious enough that doctors increase the dose slowly and reset if you had a gap. One missed day isn't going to cause that, but it's more reason to be careful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ebh5h", "comment_id": "dxtxbg8"}, {"question": "Does being admitted into a psychiatric hospital prevent me from becoming an Expressive Arts Therapist in the future?", "description": "Update: I called the licensing board and they said being inpatient is not a problem as long as I pass the psychological evaluation and do not have a criminal record! Thank you for everyone who responded!\n\nSo long story short, I learned the hard way that PTSD and depression left untreated can result in acute psychosis, and was hospitalized last year.  Since being hospitalized, I've been taking medication, and working very hard to be stable. In addition to having a psychiatrist for medication, I also have a therapist who is a licensed social worker and has a background in art, music, and play therapy. I feel that using expressive art therapy is the biggest reason I've made such great progress this past year. It enabled me to communicate thoughts and feelings I previously was unable to express.\n\nThat's why I would like to become an expressive arts therapist. I would love the opportunity to help others understand their mental health and help others heal by being creative. As I was researching the educational requirements, I came across a site that said you will have your medical history evaluated. While I know there are people with a career in mental health who also have mental illness themselves, I'm not sure if previously being inpatient would be a problem. It would be a shame to go through 8-10 years of school, just to find out I wouldn't be able to make a career of it. My therapist doesn't know, so I have no idea who I can ask.", "answer": "It can depend. I have been through extensive psychiatric care and I am also now a clinician. Lived experience is valuable in mental health and allows you to empathize in ways other clinicians cannot. However, while you are in school it is critical that you are doing your own therapy and using your therapist and not your classes as a way to heal. Separation of your education and your career from your treatment helps establish those healthy boundaries early.\n\nI can say that I would never apply for a position in a practice or hospital I received treatment from and I seriously doubt they would hire me because of my treatment history. I would gain access to information that could be damaging to me. But recovery is possible and helping others while in recovery is absolutely something that can be done.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eage3a", "comment_id": "fasghc8"}, {"question": "Is it common for therapists and psychologists to confuse Aspergers and BPD?", "description": "Hello everyone. I am fairly new around these parts but have been a lurker for a while.\n\nMost of my life I was believed to have Aspergers. It wasn't until a year ago that that diagnosis was false and mislead after having a new therapist speak with me for about 2 years. (They diagnosed me with it after 3 days)\n\nI've done some reading and have read that BPD and Autism Spectrum Disorders are easily confused. However, last year I was finally with utmost confidence diagnosed with BPD and it took me a while to process.\n\nI was curious if it was truly common or not? It's been years but it finally feels good to be on track and getting somewhere.", "answer": "That's crazy that you say that! I'm a therapist and I've worked with aspergers and autism, and I have always noticed and sometimes worried that I might have aspergers. Only at times though. It does seem similar in some aspects, from a therapist lens", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4wep9h", "comment_id": "d66g2gb"}, {"question": "Female, 30 years old, athlete, non smoker, etc. What's so bad about bulemia?", "description": "I am NOT pro-bulemia, but I dont see why it is such a big deal?  If you can control the electrolytes with supplements, then wouldnt it be better to purge after a gluttonous meal full of heart clogging fats, sugar, salt, cholesterol, etc ?  I would think that your body would benefit more from the purge than from trying to metabolize these things?", "answer": "This forum is for medical problems you may have, not for general discussions with regards to diseases. Do you have a question regarding your own situation?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bg2mro", "comment_id": "elhwgwy"}, {"question": "Parent of Aspergers teen son, need advice when is is Aspergers or just being a teenager., ie., screen time and forgetting chores..., or not doing chores, \"because he was not reminded\".", "description": "I would love some feedback from the older diagnosed people with Aspergers about a productive approach.  ", "answer": "Those things sound like very typical teen behavior, but if your son has Asperger's it would probably help to have some kind of chore SYSTEM,  like a place where chores are openly displayed and expectations (along with rewards and punishments) are clearly stated.\n\nAspies NEED consistency and clarity -- it helps us feel safe in a world we don't quite understand (And coincidentally, all developing children/teens need this things as well)\n\nSource: Psychology/Counseling Major with Asperger's (currently taking a child/teen development course)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14jvmx", "comment_id": "c7dtdb6"}, {"question": "Signed: piece of shit.", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 deserves better. Today, I convinced him I wanted a certain meal for dinner. I didn\u2019t. I sent him to this particular restaurant because I KNEW I could get to the liquor store and back before he even got to the restaurant. And mother fucking shit. I truly hate myself. He would never even begin to suspect. Because he loves and trusts me. And I am not. Fucking. Deserving. Of his trust. Or love. Or company... or anything. He\u2019s too good. We shouldn\u2019t even breathe the same air.\n\n\nBut here I am. Water bottle full of Pinot Grigio. A pink bottle, by the way. So white wine looks the same as water. And I feel so fucking guilty and so in love. Because he would never fucking question me when I tell him \u201cI\u2019m ok\u201d.\n\nHe deserves better. But I\u2019m terrified of losing him, because no one has ever loved me like this. And at the same time, that\u2019s why I feel so fucking terrible. He deserves better. But I want to be his \u201cbetter.\u201d I\u2019m not ready to lose him. But I also don\u2019t think  prepared to be the person he deserves.", "answer": "Been there. Truth is he doesn\u2019t deserve it, you\u2019re right. But, you can change and be the person and partner you want to be. It doesn\u2019t magically happen though. I know exactly how that guilt feels, and how feeling like a piece of shit feels. If you didn\u2019t feel that way, there wouldn\u2019t be much hope. Use that feeling as motivation to change. I understand you already drank, and if you\u2019re like me, there is no stopping tonight until you\u2019re out or pass out. But, tomorrow, when you wake up feeling like shit and that feeling of guilt and shame is ten times what it is now, choose to change instead of drinking to cope with those feelings. You can do it. \n\nBesides, I\u2019m sure he knows right now anyways, and just isn\u2019t saying anything. Wine has a pretty strong odor; you\u2019re probably not pulling it off like you may think. Might be best to be honest and tell him you want help in the morning. I wouldn\u2019t suggest this conversation when your already drinking. Best of luck. There is help, and there is a way out of this.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "d4s5pv", "comment_id": "f0g6fwp"}, {"question": "Does PCOS effect how much sleep you need?", "description": "I have found that I generally need to sleep 10-12 hours a night to feel rested. Wondering if this is at all linked to PCOS? Could it perhaps be a thyroid issue? ", "answer": "I'd never thought of that. I totally need at least 8 to be a functional human being but 9-10 is what happen naturally with no alarms. I hate mornings and I think it's because me sleep quality sucks. I've had my thyroid checked and sleep apnea ruled out. I think it's related to my anxiety issues as taking an Ativan later in the day = glorious well rested me. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "5q9ewc", "comment_id": "dcxtnbz"}, {"question": "Husband (39M, very healthy) suffered a stroke 2.5 days ago. Several question, one very personal", "description": "My husband (39M) is an ultramarathoner who routinely runs 50+ miles a week. He has perfect blood pressure and is a healthy weight.  On Thursday morning he woke up with an intense headache, tried to get out of bed, fell and could not move his left arm or leg and was very slow to respond/seemed confused.  Arrived at hospital by ambulance 30-40 minutes later at which point his symptoms were improving. According to an MRI, he suffered two small strokes (ischemic but not TIAs)  He was released from the hospital this afternoon and seems to have suffered no permanent damage.  \n\nWe are of course seeing various doctors over the course of the next few months and are still searching for the cause. We found that he does have a PFO, but the cardiologist thinks that's unlikely to be the cause.  \n\nBecause of COVID, I was unable to be with him in the hospital and had to talk to doctors over speakerphone which is not an optimal communication method for important info. My husband tends to be very quiet, so I'm usually the one asking questions, but I was not able to do this very effectively over speaker, so I am now here and hoping I can get some insight from professionals.\n\nSo first, my husband uses minoxidil on his hair but forgot to mention it to his doctors.  I think he should stop using it.  I hope you all can back me up on this.  Also, could this have contributed to stroke?\n\nSecond, as a guy who sometimes runs more that 50 miles at a time, his idea of what constitutes \"exerting himself\" is different from how I and most others would define it.  He would like to go out and mow the yard tomorrow, go for a 5 mile hike next week, take a slow run on the track, etc. (He does not think of these things as real exercise.) I am trying to convince him to hold off on everything that more normal people think of as exercise at least until we identify a cause.  Am I right to suggest this?\n\nThird, he seems to have absolutely no permanent damage and has suggested resuming sex very soon.  I have no idea when that stops being risky, but I'm assuming 3 days out is definitely not enough time.  When can sexual activity start again?\n\nThank you so much!  I may come back with other questions later, this has been so fast and such a nightmare.", "answer": "I am unaware of any link between topical minoxidil and strokes, I couldn't find anything, and there's not really a plausible mechanism. Unless one of his doctors suggests stopping minoxidil, I don't think there's any particular reason to do so.\n\nThe same is true for exertion. What to do after strokes depends on his doctors' orders. If they said to limit exertion, he should. If they didn't, it's a question for them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gpgfbk", "comment_id": "frm4n5t"}, {"question": "Feeling disheartened after a therapy session", "description": "I haven't smoked for 3 months. I have gotten further than this before, I've also used casual sex with weed in the past as a coping mechanism.\n\nI was telling my therapist today that I've been going to the gym a lot. He said that I may want to stop going, as this is another addictive behaviour.  I'm unemployed currently and the gym really helps me so much. I've committed to not dating for the next 2 years, really trying to be happy with my inner self. \n\nDo I really need to give up the gym as well? I just felt like I was doing so well, and have left this session feeling so depleted.\n\n**Edit: I just wanted to add my therapist didn't tell me to stop excersing. He told me to get my dopamine rush for yoga and going on walks instead. He said it's because building muscle is very stressful on the body, and a lot of time I will find the gym a very competitive environment- men/ women also approach each other to make advances which is true. He is also trying to get me to focus less on my appearance. I am going to continue going, but I just want to explain because I'm getting a lot of find a new therapist- when he really has helped me through a lot of trauma and got me to a positive place. \nThanks for everyone's concern though", "answer": "I think your therapist just wants to make sure that you're not replacing one addiction with another. Physical activity is healthy, in moderation. The way he presented it might not have been the best delivery, but I understand what he is trying to express concern about. It's easy to get caught up in a new addiction when trying to stop another. As long as you feel that you are working out an appropriate amount of time/effort, not hurting yourself, and your physician has not advised against exercise, you do you.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "ete55g", "comment_id": "fffxphi"}, {"question": "Struggling to address the importance of quarantine in retail", "description": "I hope I\u2019ve come to the right place to ask for advice on this inquiry. If not, I\u2019d really appreciate some guidance for where I should go. \n\nI work in a retail store that\u2019s considered essential for some of our products and focuses heavily on customer service. The state went into lockdown a week ago, but people continue to come in and buy very clearly unessential things or even just to look around because they\u2019re bored. This is stressing out my coworkers alongside me even further than the crisis has already. \n\nDo you have any suggestions for some polite things to say to make casual customers think about staying home without it seeming like I\u2019m telling them to get out? Our company focuses heavily on customer service, so it feels like I can\u2019t say anything negative without putting my job at risk. We have to focus on making the customers content... which is getting increasingly infuriating as they continue to be so irresponsible during this epidemic. \n\nI would really like some professional advice on how to encourage people to abide to these lockdown procedures without frustrating them. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "This is a hard one because if you are in a large corporate store, you may have absolutely no room for these reminders. If you work for a small company,  you may be able to talk to the owner or manager about safe policies .\n\nLots of stores have been putting up signs , limiting the amount of people inside,  and placing markers on the floor to indicate social distancing.  Are you able to do this ?\n\nI think the best you can do is be gracious,  you never know someone else's reasons.  Personally,  I have gone to the store and left with nothing- not because I wanted to stroll around,  but because the store did not have the items I needed.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fsslwm", "comment_id": "fm895v9"}, {"question": "I'm 17, 5'10\", and weigh 115 lbs; what are the correct dimensions and height for a noose?", "description": "I'm a junior in high school, about to take my ACTs in a couple weeks. According to the pretests and teachers and guides, I should get a 31. \n\nBut I realized yesterday I'm failing Pre-Calculus. I've always done really poorly in math classes, but never gone below a C. I'm usually a straight A student.\n\nWell, then my mom found out and shit hit the fan.\n\nMy life is suffocating me. As the inhabitant of a small southern town and a liberal atheist, I don't fit in. I'm told I'm handsome by a lot of people, girls flirt with me, but I really think I'm ugly. Apparently, I'm intelligent. As you can tell from my body metrics, I'm very lithe, but people say I wear it well. \n\nI've always had really low self-esteem. I've always, even as a young child, told myself I was worthless. I lived my first months in a homeless shelter, because my parents were too proud to live with their parents. My parents were both 19 when I was born. Neither finished high school. Never married, and separated when I was three. Me and my mom lived together in a small apartment without a car or anything. \n\nWhen I turned six, we moved in with my grandma for a year. Then my mom bought a small house. Later that year, she started seeing my future stepdad, who she went to high school with. He seemed nice. They got married, and it was great. Then he got in a car crash and it rattled him. They've had two kids since then. I love them. But my stepdad exists only to bring in money through manual labor and hold it over everyone's head while mom finishes college. \n\nEvery night, there is screaming and crying and fighting. And every night, my neighbor, a socialite at school, hears this. Everyone knows why I'm so glacial. I cut out my emotions to try and survive the crushing sadness of watching my mom stream tears regularly because this damaged bastard won't spare any kindness. I only feel hatred and sadness and faked happiness. \n\nWhere has my dad been? He hooked up with my psychotic stepmom and they had twin girls. From ages 6-15 I went there every Wednesday night and every other weekend, and I hated it. I love my dad. For all his flaws, he can be a great guy. But my stepmom made sure we never got to spend time together. I love my twin sisters. But when I realized dad was taking my money from the wallet and bank, then stole my laptop he got me for Christmas, I just stopped going. Quit cold turkey.\n\nMy mom is terrible. All she does is yell. She is borderline bipolar. When she gets mad about every little thing, she gets to the point of opening and slamming doors, banging her fists on the walls, spasms and screaming. She takes a lot out on me. I mostly stay in my room to get away from it all. Isolated. \n\nI've been severely depressed for years, and took Zoloft for awhile. I don't let on how I feel, because I don't want to make anyone's life even more stressful. Not even my closest friends know how dark and ill I've become. There is no one I can talk to.\n\nNow life is caving in around me. I keep getting told how my life is ruined, I'll never get into college. I tell myself there's a rabbit hole I can hop through and never deal with it again.", "answer": ">There is no one I can talk to.\n\nWhile this might be true at home, you've got a whole community of people who would love to talk to you here on Reddit.  I know that things suck right now, but if you really have that good of grades and do well on the ACT then even with a poor grade in precal you shouldn't have any trouble getting into a good university.  So, if you can tough it out for one more year your whole life will be different.  \n", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bj5de", "comment_id": "c0n143p"}, {"question": "Getting Dumped By: Cooper 16", "description": "My ex just dumped me because she couldn't handle a relationship. She then proceeds to hate me for doing nothing wrong, unless you count trying to change her mind as a reason to hate me. She won't talk to me and this makes me feel like it is my fault. Any thoughts?", "answer": "Stop talking to her. Move on with your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4zsk", "comment_id": "dhbppo5"}, {"question": "first time", "description": "tomorrow i am going to my therapist for the first time. any tips?\n\nalso what is the best way to open up to a stranger? i wasnt able to open up to my own mom for 5 years. any Technics? ", "answer": "Remember that they're there for you, not the other way round.  Be prepared to discuss what made seek therapy in the first place and give a little background about how symptoms began.  If you feel like you're struggling opening up and it may take some time, let the therapist know that and they should be understanding.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0qpk", "comment_id": "e8d8epo"}, {"question": "[24/f] My boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. He is just plain lazy and when I confront him about it he says that 'I should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.\n\n He doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if I remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. He always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). He doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. He criticizes my apperance (I'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks I should 'get one for him'. He often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all I ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. He lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and I think this is where our relationship started to worsen. And while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, I can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust I have. He doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.\n\nAnother thing is sex. He has good days but mostly sex looks like this - I give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and I always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. He gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. Even when I ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as I'm insecure about my body and sometimes I just feel like he thinks I'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but I already did that to you, c'mon'. Of course usually he comes and I don't. He often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens.\nI'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.\n\nIn everyday life he is fun to be with, I'm never bored and I love him, but then I feel like I am the glue of this relationship. He is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. And of course gets upset when I refuse.\n\nI'm starting to feel very bad about myself because I am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet I let this guy turn me into someone I'm not. I don't feel like his partner, I feel like his puppet. I confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and I don't know what else to do. I am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so I'm asking you guys for possible solutions.\n\nI'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "dkymyd6"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a alcoholic. I won\u2019t have any more money to drink for the next 9 days. And I\u2019m scared as hell.", "description": "I have a interlock on my car from a dui so I do know just how much I can drink and pass. This after two extensions. \n\nIt\u2019s such a normal calming point in my life. Until I have a day off and go on a binge.\n\nBut the bills and birthdays and regular living are to much for this cheque. So it looks like I\u2019ll be sober.\n\nAnd this scares the shit out of me. I\u2019ve been a long time drinker but never got any DT\u2019s or bad side effects other than feeling like a complete piece of shit.\n\nAnd that goes for my sober time. My brain is more active, I can\u2019t shut off the feelings, thoughts, awareness.  And I\u2019m just scared and really don\u2019t want to stop but have to. \n\nAnyone relate?", "answer": "You need therapy or AA or both. Can't tell you what to do, though, since it has to be for YOU & no one else's direction, so all I can do is point this out & hope you'll give it a try. It's a lot nicer when you don't have to run from your own mind, though.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "apbr7s", "comment_id": "eg8cs4s"}, {"question": "My wife is a stripper and confessed prior prostitution", "description": "So I have been happily married with the absolute love of my life. That being said as in any relationship ours has had trials. I would like to think that anyone in a relationship Who has to deal with everything that comes along with the other half stripping. This includes spending their time spent  with other men  , dancing, talking, exchanging phone numbers,using their bodies to turn other men on. ( that is to name a few things)  would understand that there is a considerable amount of unusual emotions compared to that of a relationship that consists of two people doing \"regular\" jobs.  Now to say that I am completely surprised that there has been more that went on in the past would not be true. However I have been assured  again and again over and over that \"she has not had to do any of the things that some of the girls do\". This being said. She had specifically told me that she has never had sex of any kind for money since shortly after  dating and finding out her career choice of \"dancing\".  I did have doubts but the connection and passion that we've had for each other has been unmatched from any of my experiences  in the past. When she asked me if I would marry her ( not the usual way it goes I know ) I knew the road that I would be facing ahead of me but I embraced The idea because my love for her  was and still is unbelievably strong. I also knew and know that she loves me. I know that her coming straight out and telling me everything during the first month, two, six, even year  would be very unnerving and could pose a  huge risk of losing the connection that we have. I do not blame her for concealing the truth and lying at the time and I commend her  for her honesty at this time. I do not intend on leaving her now or in the future no matter what comes our way we are in this to the end. However after opening up to me about the acts  performed and amount of times they were performed for money...I feel, I guess naturally hurt and of course betrayed by the misconceptions and lies. I do not feel trapped although she did confess that by asking me to marry her, her intention was to not loose me  because she felt that she could not take that chance. I still care/love,  respect her as much now in spite of the prior betrayal. I'm sure because I was privy to the possibilities.  I'm sure I will be getting plenty of suggestions for couples counseling although we do not have the budget for such. Before we met  she had been making more than enough money, in fact enough money to do just about anything that comes to mind. Since we've met she makes very little money dancing. This leads me to (mostly) believe her when she tells me that since she met me she has not been involved in any prostitution. Now I say mostly because of how many other misconceptions due to her lies there have been.\u2026 It puts a lot into question. If you have not lost interest after my rambling and would be so kind as to offer you're opinion on how to work out the knots and understand the emotions that I am experiencing. EDIT ---(**should I be concerned that she is still making choices to participate in more than dancing?** would I be justified to question her about this?** if so  any recommendations on how to approach this conversation with her**)-- opinions or suggestions professional or not it would be greatly appreciated as I of course cannot speak about this to anybody whom I know and do not have the money for professional counseling. Thanks in advance", "answer": "well she should have told you before, but you have to evaluate the present, and if it's been a smooth loving rel.,and you can absorb this revelation, you can move forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kbmbq", "comment_id": "dbmtosj"}, {"question": "Flu shot concerns", "description": "28M, 6'1\", 180, White, no smoking or drinking, 40mg citalopram for depression/anxiety\n\nToday I got a flu shot at CVS and a couple things concerned me. First, my receipt says I got the \"FLUZONE QUAD\". I thought the Fluzone vaccine was only for people 65 and older and younger people shouldn't get it? Second, I bled at the injection site. I get a flu shot every year and have never bled. It seemed normal until the needle came out and some blood popped out along with it. Not too much but it still threw me off. The woman who gave me the shot asked if I'd taken any blood thinners and when I said no she said \"huh, weird\" and left it at that.\n\nAre these things normal? I tend to have snowballing anxiety about this kind of stuff.", "answer": "You've already gotten the right answers. Bleeding a little bit after a shot is normal, and Fluzone is a normal vaccine for younger adults.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ds51lj", "comment_id": "f6nhyqr"}, {"question": "Feeling the need to reach out to abuser during a bad moment of PTSD...", "description": " Does anyone else randomly have an overwhelming urge to reach out to the person(s) who abused you? Every few months, I'll have a really bad episode of PTSD. I can't sleep, constant high anxiety, panic attacks, high alert all day long, can't leave the house, etc. Sometimes, in those really bad days, I get the urge to reach out to him via Facebook or something.\n\nI know it sounds crazy...\n\nI'll start to fall back into my old way of thinking: maybe I just overreacted, maybe he didn't mean it, he's going to be upset at me that I haven't talked to him/I blocked him, I should tell him I'm sorry for running away, It was all my fault anyway....\n\nThe next day, after I survive the night managing to not message him, I feel like shit. I start to second guess myself all over again. I start to tell myself I must have wanted it *because* I thought about reaching out. No one would ever *want* to reach out to someone who did what he did to you!\n\nIt makes me feel absolutely crazy...I just needed to vent it off my chest. Even if I am the only one who goes through this, I at least know I won't be judged here. Thanks for reading.", "answer": "I'm in one of these storms right now myself. You're not crazy. You didn't want it just because you thought about reaching out. What you want is to believe that his love was more real than it was. What you want is to believe that there aren't really people in the world who are capable of what he is. What you want is all of the good parts of the relationship with that person. The messy and painful truth is that, as horrible and destructive as abusive relationships are, there can be things we still miss or love about the person(s) who abused us. That doesn't mean that we should go back. It means that we are human and that we are humans with a greater capacity for love than the person(s) who abused us. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "aonp23", "comment_id": "eg2glqf"}, {"question": "Day 3 im hurting", "description": "Sunday the 6th i finally admitted that i have a problem. Saturday at 709pm or at least thats when i closed my tab. \nIn December events out of my control caused me to lose my home. What was in my control was saving money to put towards another apartment however i did not save a dime. I spent almost every penny on rum or beer over the next month. I have been homeless for 8 days now. Saturday after i closed my tab i walked to my car reclined the seat and tossed my keys into the passenger seat of the vehicle. At 1030pm the same night i was awoken by the police \"to make sure i was ok and had permission to be on the premises\" following our conversation i was lucky i did not get charged with a dui, trespassing, or vagrancy (an ordinance in our town makes it illegal to sleep anywhere but a home, hotel, campground, or shelter) the officers let me take an uber to my adress on my license. I slept on the beach Saturday night. Sunday i decided i was done drinking before i either ruined my life or make it far worse. Sunday was easy it took me a little longer then usual to fall asleep but nothing to major. Yesterday was a little harder made it through work (other then coming in a little hungover my drinking never got in the way of my job) instead of buying a bottle or going to a bar i went to the gym and took a nice 3 hour walk to clear my head. Around 11 or so i started to see flashing lights when I closed my eyes. Took me about 2 hours to fall asleep. Today has been the worst day so far. Today i told my boss whats been going on and he told me he backs me 100%. He wanted to get me a hotel room until i saved up enogh money to get back on my feet. I couldn't let him. Ive been trying to figure out all day why i declined. I have been going to meetings for the last 2 days they seemed to help a lottle bit but after i left tonight i burst into tears. I spent the last of my money on a hotel room tonight because i knew if i didnt i would be at a bar right now. I dont want to live like this anylonger. Ive been scratching my legs raw for the last few hours and im freaking out and have no other outlet right now. Thank you.", "answer": "Hey, saw this post on new.\n\nYou've hit a point in your life where you're allowing change, but it's not easy. Everyone always put emphasis on how making a change is all you need but everyone neglects the hard work required to push through.\n\nThe scratching is because you've taken away your numbing agent. Things will feel harsher or more real for a while but identify the main goals and focus on them first.\n\nLike you said, you don't want to continue down this path, and the only way for you to remember that is to keep a clear and sober mind. Acknowledge the hardships and remember that it's because you have to rebuild your foundations so that whatever you replace your alcoholism with can have a chance.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ae3pvw", "comment_id": "edm6jj8"}, {"question": "Im sure this has been posted before but who else cant fucking stand when someone says \u201coh I think I\u2019m a little bit ADHD too\u201d just because they cant focus on something all the way", "description": "So many people do this all the time and it makes me so mad.\n\nIt just makes me kind of feel that no one really thinks it\u2019s a big deal, and makes me feel stupid for sometimes trying to explain that ADHD is the reason things I sometimes can\u2019t get my work done or am late to things, ect.\n\nIt seems that since people without ADHD always tend to attribute something like not being able to pay attention in a boring lecture to \u201chaving a little bit of ADHD\u201d it completely delegitimizes the disorder as a whole because apparently \u201ceveryone has a little ADHD\u201d \n\nAnd if i try to explain it to someone they tend to think that im just making excuses for being lazy because they think they already know everything about ADHD or something. \n\nTL:DR\n\nPeople tend to say things like \u201ci think we all have a little ADHD\u201d and it really pisses me off and it seems to make those who really have it look stupid and lazy.", "answer": "I\u2019ve seen a lot of posts like this and it makes me grateful that those comments don\u2019t get to me. I think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve changed my perspective on my adhd from a negative to a positive. \n\nThe way it was presented to me as a kid (now to be clear parents lied and didn\u2019t tell me I had adhd/didn\u2019t believe in it until I was about 22), was that I thought different from other people. That whole most people\u2019s brains connect in straight lines, mine connects in zig zags, and I internalized that as being special. \n\nNow my symptoms were hell growing up bc again, I didn\u2019t know what they were and it was treated  as a personal failure (high IQ= if I had really tried the result would have been better). And then I almost felt like I was cheating when I got on medication at 22 because I felt like the meds gave me an advantage (not realizing it just leveled the playing field).  But I still felt like the non-attentional/impulsive/hyperactive aspects of adhd made me somehow MORE than my peers because my brain worked differently than there\u2019s did (problem solving, creativity, etc).  \n\nFor me it\u2019s like.... okay so I suffer from migraines, but I don\u2019t tell people who just have regular headaches that they\u2019re lucky/I have a legit medical issue/they calling their headache a migraine makes a mockery of my experience. They\u2019re difficulty paying attention or whatever is a speed bump versus my mountain, but they still have a hard time dealing with their speed bump. \n\nI don\u2019t know, that\u2019s just how I stay sane in this world of \u201cif you really tried you could do it.\u201d  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "84lj4b", "comment_id": "dvr0d7j"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask to be prescribed Xanax for stress and anxiety?", "description": "I (25M)haven\u2019t been to the doctors in a long time and I was thinking of going because lately my stress levels have been high because of work and school.\n\nI was wondering how I should talk about my situation with my doctor without him thinking I\u2019m some sort of druggie (I feel like many doctors don\u2019t believe young people anymore cause so many abuse drugs)\n\nI have taken a friends Xanax before and it seemed to calm me down and it finally made me in a relaxed mood. After this i figured I\u2019d talk with a doctor because it actually made me feel normal for once.\n\nI\u2019ve been stressed out for years but like I said above, it\u2019s starting to get worse now that I\u2019m starting college and working my full time job again.\n\nSo would it be a red flag for doctors is I ask about specific drugs or should they prescribe me other things first?", "answer": "Xanax is helpful in the short term, but it is a poor choice for long term management of anxiety and honestly wouldn\u2019t be my first, second, or third choice for even rare, sporadic, short-term management.\n\nTalk to a doctor with an open mind.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cz7pb0", "comment_id": "eywk7d6"}, {"question": "Frustration with Lack of Access to Quality Care", "description": "I apologize if this is the wrong subreddit, but I have to vent about this somewhere.\n\nI've tried and failed at quitting drinking for a long time. The guilt and shame of that plus other mental issues I've struggled with, particularly depression and anxiety (who knows if the chicken or the egg came first), has made it especially difficult. \n\nAnyhow, the more I've researched, the more I've found that I should be seeking medical treatment from a psychiatrist and/or psychologist who is board certified in addiction medicine. (You'd be surprised, or maybe you aren't, with how many doctors really know nothing about addiction and just advise you to go to AA, even though that is not an evidence-based treatment.)\n\nSo, after almost losing my job over it, I decided I have to really try to stop, even if medical intervention is necessary. I ponied up and signed up for insurance through the health exchange. My premium is $325~ dollars a month, with a $30/60 (or $25/50.. can't remember without the card) copay for doctors/specialists, and a ~4,500 deductible for out-of-network providers.\n\nI tried to cross reference every general physician and psychiatrist within 100 miles of me that is certified by the American Board of Addiction Medicine or the American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry with my in network providers, and I found absolutely 0.\n\nSo, I tried to call around to see about self-pay. First of all, I couldn't get through with the numbers I found to over half of those people on the list. I finally got in touch with one person that made me take a survey and wait for the psychiatrist to review it, before she'd accept me. (Based on the questions, it was apparently to make sure I wasn't just doing it due to a pending criminal matter, court order, etc.)\n\nAnyhow, she charges $280 for the initial session, and $150 for every time thereafter.\n\nSo, with my premium, in order for me to try to combat a disease that is killing me, with a person who is actually qualified to treat me, would cost me *at the very least* ~$500 a month (excluding potential Rx costs).\n\nFinding that out was just so discouraging. I'm not drinking tonight, but I'm sure as hell feeling depressed and alone.\n\nAny advice for how to get treatment? (Please don't just suggest a random doctor. Most of them just tell me to go to AA, because they don't understand that addiction is a neurological problem.)\n\n*tl;dr*: Trying to get addiction help from a medical professional who is qualified to deal with addictions is ridiculously expensive unless you have some magical insurance that I'm unable to get.", "answer": "I think it is great the amount of legwork you are doing to seek out the best type of treatment. Many people never do the kind of in-depth research that you do.\n\nI can offer you a few bits of advice, as a clinician. First of- outside of large urban areas, psychiatrists who specialize in addiction medicine are hard to come by (as I'm sure you're finding out). However most psychiatrists can still help you with your underlying depression and anxiety. \n\nFurthermore- psychotherapy is an excellent option for addictions. Often times there are negative emotions underlying addictive behaviors (that is, often times people turn to alcohol, drugs, etc. to cope with XYZ, and it becomes a vicious cycle). Psychotherapy can help not only build skills to cope effectively with distress and resist alcohol cravings, but also help resolve the underlying issues of anxiety and depression that you reported. \n\nI do have my personal beefs with AA, and it is not the most effective form of addiction treatment, however it does work with many people. I would recommend you at least try it if you have not already. That way you at least know whether or not it would be an effective option for you. And, maybe there are some people there that you highlight a few good treatment options in your area.\n\ntl;dr: Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "228zmj", "comment_id": "cgknhzv"}, {"question": "I just don\u2019t care. Is this normal?", "description": "So I\u2019ve been depressed for about 8 years now, but it\u2019s been somewhat under control so that i can go about my daily life with no problem. \nSo as most of y\u2019all know today is Father\u2019s Day, and I just don\u2019t understand the sentimentality of celebrating mothers/fathers day, or Christmas or my birthday for that matter. Like great you have a kid, great I\u2019m another year older, great some guy was born ~2000 years ago. It\u2019s gotten worse as I\u2019ve gotten older. I just \u201ccelebrated\u201d my 26th birthday and I did it alone. No one there just me watching game of thrones with pizza. Everyone else was on a vacation to the beach that I didn\u2019t care enough to go on. Like I feel like I should care about these things but I don\u2019t. I just don\u2019t care. Maybe it\u2019s time to go back to my doctor and to start seeing a therapist again, but I don\u2019t want to rely on doctors and medications for me to care about stuff again. ", "answer": "I suggest finding a CBT Therapist who will support you in becoming your own Therapist.", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8ruhsc", "comment_id": "e0wk7to"}, {"question": "[23/F] Feeling lonely with, or without my husband [26/M]. Unable to re-kindle affection.", "description": "So My husband [26/M] and I [23/F] have been together for 5 years. now and its starting to feel like its all just going downhill... \n\nI feel like I have a [sexual aversion](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19784769) as well as [Tactile sensitivity](https://insideperspectives.wordpress.com/sensory/sidspdhsp/tactile-sensitivity/) So I crave affection and attention and love, but when I get it it just gets at me in a not so good way... which is obviously effecting him too. I mean you can't go 5 years with someone who can't enjoy being touched and not start to blame yourself.\n\nLike this morning for example... (most morning actually) He wakes up to go to work, takes the dogs on a walk and then comes back to cuddle me before leaving, but his form of \"cuddling me\" is just like... Laying his hand on random parts on me.. Not like full body cuddling or anything, just like a hand on my back or leg or shoulder. This makes me feel like he is nervous to touch me and also make me feel like its a forced thing. Which then annoys me and makes me want to push him away or tell him to stop even though ALL I WANT is to be near him and happy with it... \n\nWe've been talking about and trying to have a baby. We both know we'd be great parents, we have love for each other and we work well together, but can't really get the sex part accomplished. \n\nWe live with 2 other people both male roommates Dan [25/M] and Danny [27/M]... So my Husband and I tend to wait till \"bedtime\" to do anything sexual, cause we can't get frisky on the sofa with other people in our home. So we go to bed turn on the tv, and go to sleep. \n\nI want to have a meaningful connection to my Husband, but am not sure why I don't, and I'm not sure how to repair this.  We tend to talk a lot about our issues, how we both feel, what our stresses are, what we would like to do in the future, we're very open... and this loneliness topic comes up a lot, but we are never able to really effect it in anyway. \n\nIts gotten to the point where we both get angry just even TRYING to talk about anything with each other, cause we've talked about it all before and nothing is different. We just keep having the same conversations over and over and nothing is changing. \n\n We need help.\n\n\nEDIT: \nAlso I feel like the roommates are a HUGE impact into my discontent with this relationship. They're always here, Never clean up after themselves, always forget to pay rent, make messes in the kitchen that I have to clean up, Can't remember what address they live at and continue to ask \"what apartment are we in?\", Like I dunno dude, open the door and look at the number. My husband has to deal with a lot of bitching from my end about these 2. He agrees but won't do anything about most of it. He can't even move away from them He wants to stay with them forever as roommates, even though we're thinking about having a child. He doesn't really want to have our OWN family home he wants us ALL to live in the same place. Which I get it.... its cheaper with more people, but also.... please no.\n\nHis mother has even offered to put a downpayment on a house for us if we ditch the roommates. I was like \"OMG HELL YES!\" and he was like \"Yeah... okay I guess.\" It's not been 2 weeks since his mother offered to help us move and he hasn't even brought it up to the roommates, and won't let me say anything because tensions are running high over my being annoyed at having to mother 3 grown ass men.", "answer": "see a therapist please; redditors not ideal for this complexity", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5strmd", "comment_id": "ddhtjkr"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Ask your therapist, as this may vary by location and license .\n\nI can only hospitalized someone if they have a plan and intent to harm themselves.  In the US, most hospitals don't have the capacity to take people in general,  there is not much they can do for someone who is not at risk for immediate harm .\n\nYour suicidal thoughts are important to discuss and process . I always feel really sad when someone is scared to bring it up. In most circumstances,  if you say you have suicidal thoughts with no plan or intent , there is no issue . A therapist will also want to know the reasons you won't do it right now and what you can do to stay safe if something changes .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fmqagi8"}, {"question": "Went to the doctor for a sore throat, left with Hep B and HIV blood test. Help ? I'm in a bit of panic at the moment", "description": "Age -23\nSex - Male\nHeight - 183cm\nWeight - 72kg\nRace - Caucasian \nDuration of complaint - less than a week\nLocation (Geographic and on body) - no\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) - no?\nCurrent medications (if any) - no\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example- not relavent\n\n(Throwaway becuase I don't want my.familt to freak out)\n\n\nHello! Gonna jump right in: I had a sore throat that started last Monday, and peaked on Thursday, being quite painful but I could still talk and eat normally, just painful, but not impossibly so. Monday to Wednesday, I had just sore throat with no cold symptoms, which then started thursday, with the general \"I'm sick\" shittyness feeling, runny nose. Cough started later, around Saturday. Sore throat died away on Friday, now I am just left with a cough, runny nose and \"feeling sick\"\n\nSo, I went to the doctor today (Monday) as I'm still feeling sick. It's the first time I visit this doctor, and as a new patient she does a mini exam with her stethoscope. She says she hears a \"systolic heart murmur\", and orders an \"eco-doppler cardiogram\" and ECG, but says it's no big deal. Then she asks if I've been vaccinated for Hep B, I check my old records sent to me by my parents(on my phone) which say I am not, which to be honest are not complete (eg I've been vaccinated against  HPV, but it's not written) so might be Infact vaccinated, but not sure, so she orders a Hep B test, HCV test, then asks if I've ever been tested for HIV. I haven't, and respond as such, and she orders that test as well. Also, she orders a test for bilirubin levels. \n\nBefore all this, she asked me \"have you always been so skinny?\" To which I respond \"yes, even more skinny\" (as I recently went through a depression where I wasn't eating much/well, I've recently put on weight since then, but still kinda \"skinny\"). This is the only reason I can see as to why she asked for these tests. Other than that, im kinda freaking out, what would make a doctor want to run these tests?? Is it just routine to check? I always use protection and wouldn't know where these diseases came from otherwise, I'm just frightened, and I wasn't told much after the appointment. Before this cold, I was perfectly fine, no symptoms of anything! Can anybody shed some light on this, let me know if they're just regular tests, or something I should be ready to be worried about??\n\nThanks so much! ", "answer": "One thing that hasn't gotten mentioned: most systolic murmurs, especially in younger and thinner people, are benign. It's just the sound of blood flowing through the heart and nothing to worry about. Without hearing the sounds we can't know, but very often an echocardiogram is overkill. But an echo and ECG also don't do harm, so nothing really lost even if this is an unnecessary workup.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bavib9", "comment_id": "ekelmkt"}, {"question": "Still having brain zaps 6 months after coming off SSRI", "description": "I started taking 20mg of citalopram in December 2014, went down to 10mg in June the next year and finally weaned myself off them for good over the summer just gone. I feel like my mental health has stabilised a lot more and I'm happy with being off them for the time being. The thing is that I'm still experiencing brain zap withdrawal-like symptoms at night (mostly when I'm trying to drift off to sleep) and it seems to be triggered by noise. Has anyone else experienced this after being off meds for several months and will it disappear over time? ", "answer": "This is admittedly a separate discussion - but as a UK psychiatrist, I find this a very American problem.\n\nI honestly never experience this phenomenon with my patients despite regularly asking them. I don't think im doing anything particularly different in my clinical practice in terms of switching or discontinuing antidepressants (if anything im quite zealous in my changes), but people never suffer the brain zaps.\n\nA cultural phenomenon or am I lucky?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5io6zr", "comment_id": "dbax4ku"}, {"question": "So, I'm depressed and lonely.", "description": "I don't go to school or have a job, (but I have income non-ss) I don't have a car and I recently moved to a new city.  I also have extreme social anxiety.   I honestly have no idea what to do.  I really just want to kill myself. ", "answer": "See a therapist. They will help you feel better :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1cjbsk", "comment_id": "c9h38j8"}, {"question": "How do you start up with a new doctor?", "description": "38/male/white/5'10/250lbs/no health concerns. \n\nMy old doctor left the practice and I don't like the new PA I was assigned. After a year of seeing her, it's like I'm just another number, no relationship like with my old doctor, plus she sent in a prescription for something I'm allergic to. I did some research and found a doctor at a different practice that is highly rated and closer to me.\n\nHow do I start up with the new doctor without having a physical? I just had a physical with the PA in March, so I won't be due another one for a while. Do I have to wait until I get sick or is there such a thing as a new patient visit? (I've only had the one primary care doctor before; in the past, I would only go to urgent cares when I was sick.) Also, can I do the visit without transferring my records first? This doctor has great reviews, but if it doesn't seem like a good fit, then obviously I wouldn't want to transfer from my PA. It would probably be awkward to transfer my records to a new provider and then have to transfer them back over if it wasn't a good fit.\n\nSorry if this is a dumb question (well, questions). I know this isn't the type usually asked here!", "answer": "Yes, new patient well visits are standard. You call the office and say that's what you want to set up: you're \"establishing care\" with a new physician. You will have a physical, because the new doctor will want to make sure he's not missing something and have a baseline, but it will probably be a quick, general one.\n\nThe easiest way to transfer records is not to do it yourself. You would tell the new doctor that your records are at another clinic, sign a release of information form, and it's between the two of them to get information transferred. There's no need to rush that, especially before the first appointment. The transfer also doesn't make records disappear from your current clinic, so if you decide you don't like the new doctor there's no barrier to just not following through.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8pue1n", "comment_id": "e0e449f"}, {"question": "Question about a1c and diabetes", "description": "27, Male, 5'8, 170lbs, no significant medical history or current medications\n\nI had routine blood work done like 8 months ago and my a1c was 5.2. A year before that it was 5.1. Is it possible for my a1c to get into the diabetic range within an 8 month period? \n\nI've been having to pee a lot lately and worried about diabetes since my Dad has it. I should also mention that I have severe health-related anxiety which could be triggering my bladder. I used to be on Paxil for but stopped last year. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "Hemoglobin A1C is a good stand-in for the average blood glucose over the last 3 months, approximately. You can become diabetic at least theoretically instantaneously. Having your pancreas removed would do it.\n\nSeparately, the likelihood that you became diabetic from a normal A1c over 8 months is low. It's not completely impossible, but I would be very surprised. It's easy enough to have tested, by I would also consider other causes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "afemdo", "comment_id": "edy3fl7"}, {"question": "Realistically speaking, does it really get any better?", "description": "I've never been able to have an intimate relationship in my life, even though I crave it. I had all these dreams of what an amazing person I would be one day, but the more I learn about myself, the more it seems like I'm deeply broken and can never fully heal. Even the bandages I can apply are really hard and only get me so far.\n\nApart from this I'm also really depressed and don't get joy from anything. My entire life is a mess. My health, finances, work, everything.\n\nI'm not really suicidal but I keep thinking about how I'm worthless and I'll never have the life I want. Even getting to a reasonably comfortable life is so incredibly hard. And I never learned to work hard either. I really don't see the point of struggling. Why not just put myself out of misery? I don't even have a realistic goal that I can really get behind.", "answer": "It does, but only if you learn how to make it better for yourself. It's not going to just... Happen one day.\n\nA realistic goal is the first place to start ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "ajgji2", "comment_id": "eevl5v9"}, {"question": "I no longer feel emotions, only negative and unpleasant sensations.", "description": "Since I was 13, following a traumatic situation, I no longer feel anything. \nAll my adolescence has been empty, I only have pain.  I will never go back to the one before.  \nI take the drugs but they don't help me.", "answer": "This is probably due to dissociation secondary to the trauma. It might be what is called depersonalization, go look it up.  Trauma focused therapy can help.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "gp9gv2", "comment_id": "frm0mid"}, {"question": "When did PCOS weight gain start for you?", "description": "Im 24 now and can be considered a \"lean pcos\" gal. I'm worried this is only temporary and that my weight will explode at some point.\n\nWhen did it happen for you? How old were you & how did it start? \n\nEdit: Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Its so interesting to learn how different women experience PCOS. Good luck to us all! ", "answer": "17. Went from 140 to 220 within 6 months. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "9ftl7c", "comment_id": "e5zs78c"}, {"question": "Had gallbladder out weds still in a lot of pain is this normal?", "description": "I\u2019m 35 F 5\u20199 202 lbs. Houston TX. Gallstones necessitated a laparoscopic Cholecystectomy Wednesday morning. I was sent home with 30 Tylenol 3s . I have attached picture of incision site/ belly button. I am having pains while breathing and still cannot get out or a chair our bed on my own. Surgeon office did not call to check on me, I called Thursday having issues with pain really bad and I was told it\u2019s to be expected, I had surgery.  Are these incisions okay? \nIs it normal to still be in a shit ton of pain 3 days later?  \n\n\nhttps://imgur.com/LGBuKyr", "answer": "Surgeons like to be wildly optimistic (or just flat-out lie) about recovery. After laparoscopic surgery a lucky few feel fine immediately, and a lot of people are very uncomfortable for a week or longer.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gccxn6", "comment_id": "fpayv2h"}, {"question": "Help treating someone I\u2019m studying with", "description": "I\u2019m at a camp right now for the second year in a row. Obviously new people come occasionally. The way it works is we get lectures on different subjects. So this new person in my group is REALLY driving me insane. One reason really: they don\u2019t let me enjoy the experience. I am the sort of person who enjoys learning and in general this camp is quite important for me. The person keeps interrupting during the lectures without respecting the lecturer by asking to speak, is very loud, and doesn\u2019t let anyone (or at least me) comfortably listen to the lecturer. I\u2019ve told the person repeatedly to stop it and I think they get the idea I don\u2019t really like them. But I\u2019ve been thinking, am I overreacting? How should I deal with this situation? It doesn\u2019t seem like the sort of thing for r/relationships, so I posted here. This is my first time, and I don\u2019t know whether this is too big or too small.", "answer": "Can you talk to the instructors or other folks in charge of the camp about it? They may be able to do something about the other person's behavior, or at least talk to them about it from a place of authority.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "caomnf", "comment_id": "eta2kif"}, {"question": "Managing obsessions - how do you do it?", "description": "I've been obsessing a lot lately. You know obsessions, no matter what, they always come back. Now, your natural reaction to the kinds of obsessions I'm experiencing would be to try to argue with it and reason with it logically. I have done this before - for 6 months straight, 10 hours a day. I'd go over it and tell myself why it wasn't logical or reasonable and that I shouldn't even be worrying about. This would relieve my anxiety for about an hour or two, till I started to panic again for hours and hours, researching obsessively, till I was able to tell myself why it didn't make sense again. This would repeat daily and it was all consuming. I couldn't shower, eat, sleep, or think about anything else. I was stuck. Long story short, because I've gotta get back to work, are there any treatment ideas that aren't compulsive type of behavior?", "answer": "Look into acceptance and commitment therapy. Practice de-fusing from thoughts. Observe them as something other than you, just random electrical noise in the brain. And work on accepting them for what they are. The fighting against thoughts is ironically what makes them keep happening more and more. Additionally, exposure therapy can help address your OCD comprehensively and by confronting, rather than avoiding or doing compulsions can help diminish the obsessions over time.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "hbp3tx", "comment_id": "fva8maj"}, {"question": "How do i start focusing on me? How do i value me and love my self more? Im The Nice Guy. And im Ingeneous Fool. I try to hard to get others like me.", "description": "I know i can do it but its hard without you guys. I have zero social skills. And im boring af in texting. I chase girls way too much", "answer": "It's a tough thing to work on.  You have to find a way to stop chasing girls.  Force yourself to do it at first, then eventually as you figure some other stuff out, it will become natural.  The odd consequence is that once you legitimately stop caring about chasing girls (and aren't just faking it like at first), they'll be more likely to come to you.  \n\n\nFigure out what you're in to.  What are your hobbies?  What are you good at?  If you think hard enough and don't give up, you can probably come up with a list of things you like about yourself.  Focus on improving those or setting new goals for yourself that have nothing to do with getting approval from others, things that just make YOU feel good for achieving whether anyone else ever knows you did it or not.  Try to force yourself to keep your goals and personal work to yourself for a while, that way you know if you're still getting enjoyment, they're truly being done for you and not for the approval of others.    \n\n\nI can't tell you what to do specifically because different things work for different people, but it will go a long way.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97i6qo", "comment_id": "e48d9kz"}, {"question": "Is it 'Normal' to feel worse after starting therapy?", "description": "I have been depressed the last 10 years or so,t I have had better and worse periods. I have just started going to a therapist to try to figure out why I have to stay in bed for 3-5 weeks 2-3 times every year. I don't wanna do that anymore!\n\nAny who, I have had three appointments so far, but I feel worse than ever and cry myself to sleep almost every night now. Something I rarely did before. And the suicide thoughts and the lingering sensation that I am a complete failure at everything is the worst I have ever felt. Almost overwhelming.\n\nIs this therapist completely off (I really like her and feel like i connect good with her) in what she is doing with my brain? Or is this just 'normal' when first starting to go to therapy?", "answer": "When you start talking about and thinking about things you haven't dealt with, that underlie your depression, it can stir you up and make things feel worse before they start to get better.  I liken it to a wound that has healed improperly and is infected.  The doctor has to open it up and clean it -- which hurts like hell -- so it can re-heal properly.\n\nThe way you're feeling -- make sure you tell your therapist about it.  She needs to know how you're reacting so she can help you in the right ways.  You might want to give her a call before your next session and tell her what's going on.\n\nSource: I'm a trained psychotherapist (not licensed yet), I deal with depression myself, and I have had a lot of therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17cb25", "comment_id": "c846jk2"}, {"question": "Long distance", "description": "I've been dating this guy online for a while. I love him, and I think he loves me. Usually he makes me feel amazing and brilliant, but sometimes he gets upset with me, and I feel like shit.\n\nBasically, this is a misery loves company post, and I want to hear about someone who has dated someone who made them feel worthless sometimes and fulfilled and loved other times. \n\nI just don't know how to leave him and move on. I need to.\n\n", "answer": "If someone truly loves you they never make you feel worthless. Never", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdsw0", "comment_id": "de9aixx"}, {"question": "Can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "This is really just a general question. Not sure if this is technically the place for it?? So please remove if not allowed.\n\nGender: female\nAge: 24\nMedications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify\n\nI was on Facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. I commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. I was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. I sort of stopped abruptly. For the lamotrigine I did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. The venflaxine I simply stopped taking. I know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight I guess I wasn\u2019t really thinking. I felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and I was having medical issues at the time that I associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). I was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when I stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. But I had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. They couldn\u2019t really do because I\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else. \n\nWhen I commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? I understand the withdrawal symptoms and I definitely think I\u2019m dealing with those. But kill me? That sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, I\u2019m not a doctor so IDK. So I\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "There are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.\n\nStopping an SSRI, SNRI, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. It can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. But still, not everyone has any problems. If you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.\n\nLamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. There\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. For most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.\n\nThe biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i\nIt sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. All of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. Ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fjgorwr"}, {"question": "My rock bottom", "description": "I thought I could do moderation, but I can't.  Last night, I woke up at 3am in my car with no idea how I got there.  I'm scared.  Im starting complete abstinence.  Please, any words of comfort would help.", "answer": "It will get better, but if you didn\u2019t go what you\u2019re going through you probably wouldn\u2019t have the motivation to stop. The pain is necessary, but it is also temporary.\n\nEdit: \u201cThe pain is necessary, but it\u2019s also temporary.\u201d  I think I may have to copyright that shit.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cs48ry", "comment_id": "exdbtz5"}, {"question": "My anxiety [20/M] making early relationship torture, is it normal? If not how do I deal with it?", "description": "So I'm a 20 year old guy, who only really started to do the whole talking to girls thing a year ago. Since then, there's been 4 girls I've been on dates with and interacted with a lot. First never progressed past first date, second was very close with, third fizzled out because LDR and the 4th is currently going on, a girl who I've been friends with for quite a while now, and only started dating 3 weeks ago. One thing they all have in common is that I get far too invested, far too fast. This isn't to say I profess my undying love for them on the first date; I keep it to myself. But after I've spent a lot of time with them, having fun, I find myself not enjoying my own life when I'm alone. All of my normal hobbies lose their lustre for me, and I just end up counting down the days until I can see her again. This inevitably leads to me being more keen to see her than she is to see me, which then leads to me doubting that she is even interested in the first place, because I'm the one chasing after her (I have problems with cognitive distortions like that, which I'm also trying to deal with). This just makes me stressed and depressed and makes me feel like a loser who doesn't deserve her because I don't have half as many friends or as busy a life.\n\nThis is currently happening with my current girlfriend. Is it normal to feel this, maybe not as extreme as I have? Is this something everyone has, and you just have to ignore it? If not, what are good ways of dealing with it?\n\n[TL:DR] Anxiety making early relationship torture, is it normal? If not how do I deal with it?\n\n", "answer": "these are self esteem issues. i would see a therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66pxk6", "comment_id": "dgkjncd"}, {"question": "How long can you go without showing any symptoms of Clamydia?", "description": "Age: 25\nSex: male\nHeight: 5\u201911\nRace: Caucasian\nDuration of complaint: none\nLocation: none\nExisting medical issues: none\nCurrent medications: none\n\nI had unprotected sex about 9 years ago. I have no reason to believe I do have Clamydia, as I was never contacted by that partner nor by a doctor. I have never shown any symptoms.\n\nI have submitted a urine sample today as me and my GF have recent discussed having children. I wanted to make sure I\u2019m clean for when we take off the protection.\n\nHowever I\u2019m naturally a very paranoid person, and the two week waiting period for the results has me stressed, and I\u2019m looking for some piece of mind.\n\nIs it possible to have gone these 9 years without showing any signs of Clamydia?\n\nThank you in advance for any responses.", "answer": "Although this isn't my area of medicine, I think the answer is a somewhat surprising \"we don't know, and we don't even know how to know.\"\n\nConsider: how would you examine this? You can test people randomly and see how many asymptomatic people have chlamydia, but you wouldn't know for how long. It would be unethical to not tell them or treat them and see how long it takes for symptoms to develop. There's really no great way to be sure how long an infection can persist unnoticed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsn18g", "comment_id": "eoogb49"}, {"question": "Sister-in-law suffering from delusions and paranoia after shoulder surgery. 46f", "description": "Sister-in-law suffering from delusions and paranoia after shoulder surgery.\n\nBack in may my Sister-in-law (46 year old Female, approximately 5 foot 5 inches. Slender build ) had shoulder surgery because she had repeated shoulder displacements/injuries due to seizures. She has epilepsy that is mostly controlled...maybe four events a year. After her shoulder surgery they modified her epilepsy medication because it seemed to be reacting with her pain medications and it seemed to work ok. However, in October we started noticing strange behavior and then she started to become very vocal about delusions she was having. We brought her to the hospital and she was involuntarily committed. We suspect it could be the medications but it has been over two months and the doctors have not been able to determine the root cause of the issue.  I\u2019m happy to provide more info if needed like medications. Also, she lives in the UK but is in a hospital in the USA currently. Thanks.", "answer": "Any way of getting her back to the UK? Any contact with her GP back home who would know her full medical history?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "egzywj", "comment_id": "fcdu6wr"}, {"question": "Always planned on being dead by the time I reached 25, that's only 3 months away. But living my life with that mindset that the future doesn't matter has led to many bad decisions that are making my future hard.", "description": "No savings, bad credit, no vehicle, job or home, a string of bad relationships, health problems from past drug use/addiction and bad self care, made alot of enemies, and ruined alot of peoples trust, ruined great opportunities and let this disorder along with bipolar disorder just get worse and worse untreated and so much more I can't put into words easily.\n\n I'm finally trying to live my life and be happy, working with a therapist, back on medicine. But sometimes the problems I created for myself from living with the \"I'll kill myself soon so what I do now doesn't matter\" mindset make me feel like I can never live a \"normal\" life, not normal in the 9-5 job, wife, kids and house sense but normal as in being able to keep my moods under control and not ruining all my close personal relationships. Not being self destructive not having constant invasive suicidal thoughts.\n\n The good thing is I read stories of people who have successfully turned their lives around and are managing very well with this disorder. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm too far gone. \n\nThis is more just me venting seeing if anyone can relate. But if anyone has advice I'm open to anything you have to say. \n\nAlso apologize for rambling and grammatical errors my mind is going a mile a minute currently. ", "answer": "Lol.. I had that same mindset. In high school, I thought I'd die before I graduated. Then I graduated and thought I wouldn't make it past college. And again, and again, except I had made a plan when I was in middle school that i will kill myself at 27 if I made it to that point. The 27 club you know. \n\n4 years ago I graduated with my masters degree. Last year I got married. My wife is currently pregnant. It's been amazing. And I never imagined I'd be here. How did I do it?\n\nHonestly I chose to become a therapist. I learned about this disorder and I learned about dbt, and I learned how to be the guy in the chair. And from there I learned how to accept help and change. I could have gone to therapy and learned that way, but I taught myself. It took years of hard work. I burned a lot of bridges and lost many friends. I still struggle with anxiety and impulsivity. I smoke weed and sometimes have to force self care. But I never stopped and never gave up, despite planning to do so. You can do it too. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "avvx97", "comment_id": "ehi72ze"}, {"question": "I (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how I feel without crying but that seems impossible as I've tried a million times...", "description": "We are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. However the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by. \n\n\nI want to tell my partner how I feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when I cry. I hate HATE that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hold the tears in ffs! I want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. I will literally stop mid sentence when I feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. I've tried rehearsing, I even cry during that! What's worse is that I'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. I can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as I talk, tears run... It's so frustrating. \n\n\nAny advice on how to talk to him without crying? And yeah, I've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and I don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "dmlgwxh"}, {"question": "Which level of therapist?", "description": "I have been frustrated with calling therapists and them saying they cannot take any new patients... So, I'm kind of not sure. I am fortunate enough to have insurance that will cover mental illness. However, when searching - I am overwhelmed by types of therapists: social worker, clinician (which I'm not sure what that means but they have an MSW by their name), and psychologist. I previously saw a psychologist, but she was a bit unprofessional about a situation which is why I have had to seek another. I *was* calling new psychologists, but like I said they are full. I suffer from depression and anxiety that stems from my PTSD. Does it matter if I see a social worker or clinician instead of a psychologist? I have been working with therapists for about 4 years now so it's not a new thing but I know if I go without therapy too long, I can backslide. ", "answer": "This is taken from my first blog post [here](http://thewebshrink.com/therapy-101-getting-started-and-what-you-need-to-know/)\n\nHopefully you find it helpful.  \n\nWhat Do the Letters Mean After a Therapist\u2019s Name and Does this Matter?\n\nThe letters after a therapist\u2019s name generally represent 1 and/or 2 things, their college degree and/or their professional license.  In the United States you essentially have 2 types of mental health therapists:  psychologists and master\u2019s level therapists.\n\nIn order for someone to officially call themselves a psychologist, they need to obtain a Doctoral Degree and obtain a license.\n\nLicense requirements for psychologists and master\u2019s level therapists vary from state to state but essentially require passing board exams and working for several years under the supervision of an experienced psychologist (or licensed Master\u2019s Level Clinician) after having obtained the necessary college degree.\n\nPsychologists will most commonly have the following letters after their name: PhD, PsyD, Ed.D., and will include the title Licensed Psychologist.\n\nMaster\u2019s level therapists who have the ability to work towards licensure have either graduated with a Master\u2019s Degree in Psychology, a Master\u2019s Degree in Social Work, or one in Marriage and Family Therapy.  These therapists will generally have the following after their name: M.S., M.A., M.Ed., MSW\n\nIf they have obtained their professional license they will have additional letters after their degree (In some cases licensed Master\u2019s level therapists choose to only list their license as it can be assumed they have a Master\u2019s if they have obtained that license)\n\nMany states in the United States use the following letters for licensed Master\u2019s Level Therapists though some states have different titles and use different sets of letters.  They are generally comparible.\n\nLPC\u2013 Licensed Professional Counselor \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Psychology and has met requirements for licensure.\n\nLSW or LCSW\u2013 Licensed Social Worker/Licensed Clinical Social Worker \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Social Work and has met requirements for licensure in their state.\n\nLMFT\u2013 Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist \u2013 Has Master\u2019s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and has met requirements for licensure in their state.\n\nIn PA and in some states, an LSW is a license a therapist with a degree in Social Work can obtain on the way to obtaining an LCSW.  Essentially the LCSW is equivalent to the LPC and LMFT.\n\nSome professionals might argue tooth and nail over the differences between the clinicians above and some might argue that everyone from their degree and or license type is better suited than others to be therapists.  The reality is that degree and even license does not necessarily always indicate the amount of experience, skill level, and personal fit.  It is safe to assume that if a therapist has the education and the license, they are capable of providing sound and ethical treatment.  You will have to determine through their advertisement or your experience of them if they are good fit for you.\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9bah4b", "comment_id": "e51skoy"}, {"question": "Bad reaction to Seroquel. Can lamictal have similar side effects like this? Afraid to take it", "description": "23F, 115 pounds, hypersensitive to medication, liver problems \n\nI hadn't slept in close to 48 hours so Friday night I took one of my partners seroquel (stupid I know. I just wanted to sleep and he says they make him sleep. I think it was a 100mg tab)\n\nFell asleep pretty quickly but I woke up feeling like every muscle in my body aches. I was extremely dizzy and couldn't walk straight, stumbling. I couldn't focus and to be honest I wasn't entirely sure what was going on. I was nauseous and sweating (fever sweating not like hot weather sweating) my heart was beating like crazy. I have never felt my heart beat that fast. I could barely sit up for longer than a minute without using the room spin and feel like all the blood in my body was shooting up to my head. My bf kept trying to get me To go to the hospital but I went into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed and slept for about five hours.\n\nI think it was the Seroquel since I've had some bad reactions to meds before (like risperidone). Currently I am taking 50 mg of lamictal twice a day. I can't see my doc til Wednesday and she doesn't like discussing medication issues over the phone. I am afraid to take my lamictal because I don't want to overload my body and have that happen again. can lamictal produce the same effects like the Seroquel?", "answer": "You probably had some combination of a big blood pressure drop, sedation, and a fast heart rate, all of which are common problems that people get when starting Seroquel at too high of a dose, especially if you are small physically and if you tend to have trouble with medications.  I wouldn't even necessarily call that a \"bad reaction\" to Seroquel specifically so much as a complication of taking too much too fast that would probably happen to most/many people.\n\nThere should not be an interaction between Seroquel and Lamictal especially since you are taking a reasonable dose of Lamictal.\n\nIn future another great resource for reassurance on things like this is to call your pharmacy - they are open on weekends and pharmacists are great resources when it comes to side effects and medication worries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4wj5no", "comment_id": "d67pnzp"}, {"question": "Turning 25 this year and have never been in a romantic relationship. Starting to feel hopeless.", "description": "I have an amazing family, great friends and an all around good life. But I can't seem to make a romantic relationship work. \n\nI've had a couple girlfriends and gone on lots of dates, but nothing serious or very long lasting. \n\nAll I want is a girl I can talk to and watch stupid YouTube videos with, nothing crazy. But everytime I am romantically attracted to someone, it falls apart in my hands. I act like a moron, no matter how much I try to \"be myself\", not happening. And the few girls I have managed to become comfortable around, either friend zone me or I try to take the next step and fudge it up some way or another.\n\nI don't know why I'm making this post. I don't even know what my real problem is. I just need to get this out.", "answer": "maximize opportunities to have conversations with girls. recreation/social activities, online dating, meetup.com. it will happen!   then go SLOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67uf92", "comment_id": "dgtfh5n"}, {"question": "So, could someone explain to me what that difference between BPD and Bipolar Disorder is?", "description": "Hello all. I'm trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. The therapists and counselors I've been to don't listen to me that well, and I just want to know what is wrong with me. I've always been depressed, but I have had many other problems. Here recently I'm beginning to think I'm bipolar, but I don't know if that's all. As the title says, what is the difference between BPD and bipolar disorder?", "answer": "The moods in Bipolar disorder last for over 4 days. Also in BPD, the moods tend to be fairly reactive to events or situations while in Bipolar disorder heightened stress can set it off, but it tends to be consistent regardless of issues.\n\nMania and hypomania are fairly unmistakeable. Pressured speech, not sleeping for days, grandiosity, are in the realm of Bipolar disorder. At times mania progresses into psychosis. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "1jax0l", "comment_id": "cbcz17p"}, {"question": "I have a problem, but I think AA/Rehab is full of predators and cultish.... but I don\u2019t know what else to do.", "description": "I have been to rehab 3 times and aa countless times. I hate those stupid \u201c keep coming back\u201d chants. It seems like brain washing to me. I don\u2019t want to be a sheep. I guess I am anyway, since my life is dependent on whether I can get drunk/high or not. I still honestly DO NOT want to base my life on a book that some womanizing man wrote. I know about the big book. I gave the shit a fair chance SEVERAL TIMES.  Alcohol is and always has been my main issue. But more needs to be done ab this \u201c 13th stepping\u201d bullshit. Y\u2019all ( or I guess I should say some of y\u2019all bc I haven\u2019t met EVERY SINGLE PERSON in AA and it would be unfair of me to say all of y\u2019all) hold dudes with 10+ years sober up on this pedestal when they are predatory towards women that have less \u201ctime\u201d sober. In my experience, the women that have multiple years sober are a lot of times competitive and gossip ab everyone. It has always felt like I\u2019m in high school. I didn\u2019t fit in when I was in high school. And I don\u2019t feel like I fit in with most of y\u2019all,either. All this \u201c sit down and shut up\u201d shit doesn\u2019t SIT DOWN well with me. I keep waiting for Jim Jones to bring out the punch, or coffee, as the case may be. Either way, I am a 29 year old 5\u20194\u201d 140 pound female and I drink at least 3 bottles of wine a day. It\u2019s either that or a 750 ml bottle liquor a day. Usually with some schlitz or 4 loko added. This has been going on continuously for about 4 years. But I have been drinking heavily for the past 12 years. That in addition to the daily hard drugs will no doubt kill me sooner rather than later. I just don\u2019t really know what else to do. I know what future I will have if I keep the heavy daily drinking/drugging. Is there another way to look at this program that isn\u2019t so cult-ish?", "answer": "For me, AA is about the 12 steps, not necessarily the meetings. Some meetings are okay, but they are far and few between in my opinion. I try to go to Big Book meetings or Men\u2019s meetings; more often than not you\u2019ll find people who are there for the right reasons at them. I would think the same would be true for Women\u2019s meetings too. Also, if AA is a cult, but it helps me to find a way to stay sober and happy in life, sign me the fuck up! Personally, I was miserable and wanted to die before AA. I\u2019ll take happy, sober, productive, and being of use to other people all day over that. Call it a cult, call me brainwashed; I don\u2019t care, it\u2019s a way of living I wouldn\u2019t trade in.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "io3f1b", "comment_id": "g4bpxrj"}, {"question": "I'm in pain", "description": "I have to remind myself not to try and get out of it, because its impossible. I just want to concentrate, I'm at work. Now is not the time to revaluate everything about my life or if i should exist at all, i have responsibilities to discharge. Constantly feeling incapable, like a failure, and shameful make it so hard to concentrate.", "answer": "I'm the same way, I c a n n o t concentrate when  I am in crisis, which is often. I've found the only thing that truly helps is unfortunately self care. It needs to happen daily, constantly. You must always keep self care in your top priority. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "64m3dy", "comment_id": "dg3aqt3"}, {"question": "How to make husband stop playing games all day", "description": "Hello,\n\nMy husband has always been a gamer, but ever since we got married it has started taking over his entire life. \n\nHe plays around 12hours everyday. He basically only stops to eat and sleep... he doesn't work his parents pay all for him.\n\nWe barrely have any talking time at all. When he's playing he never answers me because he's too focused and when he's not, our conversations don't last long because he wants to continue playing. \n\nWhen I met him he already was a gamer and I didn't mind at all. I loved his hobby and loved watching him play. Besides playing he went to university and we spent lots of time outside talking about our future.\n\nHe's never been a very active person but he used to go out when I asked him too and talk a lot. Now that we're married he quit university and basically doesn't have a life outside of the room with his computer. I have told him several times I want him to game less, but he only lasts for a day...\n\nWhen I want to go anywhere I have to persuade him for days to go and even then he often cancells on the same day.\n\nRight now I'm in online university and need to study from home. Because we live in a one-room I have to bear with his gaming sound while studying and it's driving me crazy. I'll ask him to read a book so I can concentrate but he refuses. He just says he'll stop his game and surf the internet. But the clicking sounds is still annoying.\n\nAs the days pass by I'm starting to get really turned off by him. The only image I have of him all day his him playing, laughing at a screen chatting with strangers. \n\nWhat can I do to make him more active or minimise his playing? I already tried talking with him and threatening doesn't work. He just tells me to leave if I'm not happy...\n\nWhat can I do so that he finally starts having passions again? Something other than games.\n\n\n\n\n(Sorry for my English)\n\n", "answer": "you tell him what you need. if he won't respond or no compromise possible, then u decide whether the good is worth the bad", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vidc4", "comment_id": "de2cb65"}, {"question": "I think my friend is faking Schizophrenia & Multiple Personality Disorder.", "description": "So I have a friend whom I know very well online. We are in a friend group in which everyone except me believes he has multiple personality disorder.\n\nHe says he was 'diagnosed as having schizophrenia' and apparently he chooses when his alternate personalities can come to control. The personalities share almost exactly the same opinions with him and can apparently let memories be his also. I'm so tired of this bullshit of him lying about this. There's so much shit that I'll update later in the comments. ", "answer": "Well, if he is claiming that Schizophrenia = multiple personalities, then that is just not accurate. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder that involves a whole cluster of debilitating symptoms. \n\nSchizophrenia is fairly rare (about 1% of the population). Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka \"Multiple personality disorder\") is even more rare (and many professionals would argue that it doesn't really exist). The likelihood of him having both AND being functional enough to describe it/maintain a social friend group online is less than 1 in 10,000. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4phuze", "comment_id": "d4le9sh"}, {"question": "82 y/o Male Hyponatremia after TIA - can't find a cause.", "description": "This is about my grandparent, he suffered a TIA - was treated and now he's suffering some consequences after it, like frequent need to go to the bathroom. Please see below some details and I would appreciate any suggestions about next steps or exams to the determine the cause and stop the weakness and confusion that low sodium may be bringing into his life.\n\nAge: 82\n\nSex: Male\n\nRelevant medical conditions:\n\n* Diabetes Mellitus Type 2\n* Transitory Ischemic Attack (TIA)\n* Urinary Urgency after TIA\n* Frequent Urination after TIA and under normal levels of glucose\n* Weakness, dizzyness and leg weakness \n\nCurrent medications:\n\n* Lipitor \n* Sitagliptine Clorhydrate Metformin\n\nCurrent sodium level: \n\n* 131 ml/dl (moderate) - ideal is 135 at least\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Hyponatremia is common after neurological insults, and while a TIA is supposed to be a completely reversed episode of ischemia, there are times when \"mini-stroke\" is a more accurate description: most of the damage reverses, but not all. Cerebral salt wasting syndrome is a possibility and consistent with the frequent urination; it's a disorder after brain injury, including strokes, that leads the kidneys to inappropriately excrete too much salt and water along with it, and can cause increased thirst and desire for salt. SIADH is also common after brain injury, but is less likely to have increased urination (it's not impossible, but less) and has different mechanisms.\n\nAt this point a neurologist needs to be involved, the hyponatremia worked up, and appropriate treatment begun. SIADH and CSWS have different treatments, so distinguishing those (or another cause entirely) matters.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8tfkw0", "comment_id": "e174g1w"}, {"question": "Minor inconveniences ruin my mood and ability to concentrate", "description": "I've got four hours of work still and a lot of shit to do, but I can't concentrate on any of it because I had a call with my phone operator's customer service during lunch that annoyed me. how do y'all move on from feelings and thoughts. this is exhausting.\n\n\nedit: managed to calm myself down and get back to work after an hour of walking/trying to distract myself on my phone enough to stop the hyperfocus. Thanks guys!", "answer": "Omg yeah if you find out, let me know lol.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c0bdbp", "comment_id": "er3otwe"}, {"question": "Does my employer have dementia?", "description": "My employer is a white male, 60 years old, 6 feet tall, and roughly 220 lbs.\nBoth of my employer\u2019s parents have dementia and so does his sibling. \nRecently he was talking about having a moment where he could not recall what happened for several hours. He described it as one moment he\u2019s reading at home then all of a sudden he\u2019s driving his car and doesn\u2019t remember anything between. There have been times lately that I have to remind him about a scheduled appointment multiple times and he still gets the dates wrong.\nCould this be dementia?", "answer": "Losing track of a discrete period of time doesn't sound like dementia. That could be a seizure, as others have suggested, but seizures don't last hours or involve going from one place to another. That's more consistent with dissociative fugue, a dissatisfying technical term for loss of memory without a clear explanation.\n\nLosing track of appointments and times could be dementia, but that's also something some people have lifelong problems doing right. If this is a new problem, it's maybe concerning; if he's always been someone who needs to use a planner and calendar (whether or not he reliably does so) it's less worrying.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8yw0g", "comment_id": "fafvk37"}, {"question": "Best way to stop taking narcotics?", "description": " white/native american female age 45\n\n5 4 and 170 pounds\n\nLiz franc fracture and dislocation\n\nBeen taking percocet presribed by doctor for 10 years\n\n\nI am tired of taking this medicine and worried about my liver. I have talked it over with my doc, and his advice is to slowly taper off. But I have trouble tapering due to the pain and inability to walk without pain pills. And I wonder how much of this is now...physical dependency vs actual pain. \n\nI know there are some centers that will put you in a coma for a day or two to help with the withdrawal and giving people the ability to basically come off the pills quickly. But of course, my insurance won;t  pay.  I am wondering if there is anything the doc could prescribe to help not only with pain....but with the withdrawal sypmtoms. I am wondering if legal marijuana would help with the pain of the actual injury, after I get off the pills. I am in a place to do this...but not sure how to proceed. And advice would help. Thanks", "answer": "Methadone for addiction/dependence can only be given in a methadone clinic. For that legal reason it\u2019s often much easier for a slow decrease to be managed by someone specifically treating pain. That\u2019s the crazy world we\u2019re in.\n\nIn addition to going very slowly, which can help with preventing withdrawal, there are medications that can ease (but not prevent) many of the symptoms. Clonidine helps overall, anti-diarrhea and -nausea medications, and others.\n\nIf the problem is pain that is uncovered by reducing pain medication, however, it will also require something else to treat that. Talk to a pain specialist, if you can, about non-opioid options.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cflcjn", "comment_id": "euayu30"}, {"question": "Working in a Halfway House", "description": "So I am working in a halfway house. If you have lived or worked in one what can you share with me?", "answer": "Watch for relapsing. It happens a LOT. Drug test and breathalyze often. Your clients/housemates may hate you for it but it pushes out the non serious people and pretty soon the house will have strong recovery that attracts strong recovery. Those who aren't serious will stop trying to enter and you will have a strong recovery house! Good luck!", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "2rzsaq", "comment_id": "cnl3f1i"}, {"question": "I need help.", "description": "I'm new to Reddit so I don't really know how this works but here it goes. I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years, we live together, and it's been quite the journey. We've been through a lot, and she's helped fight through my crippling depression and anxiety. Anyway about a year ago she went with her mom up to New York for a trip, and I found out recently that she hooked up with her ex while she was up there. She's been extremely apologetic and says it'll never happen again but I just don't know if I'll be able to trust her. She seems genuinely sorry and wants to make amends, but I just don't know. For 3 years she was my everything, my best friend even. And I just don't want to think that those 3 years were a fucking waste. What should I do? I still love her so much, but loyalty is extremely important to me. If we can't trust each other, how can we maintain a relationship? Do I just cut her off now, or do I let her have one more chance? She's everything that I got, so it's hard for me to just let go. Please help. ", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of two things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5rf9y7", "comment_id": "dd6qro9"}, {"question": "conventionally attractive girl in male dominant Brazilian jiu jitsu setting - please, please help", "description": "So this isn't a common problem but I have a lot of anxiety over it. I need perspective (also I'm a foreveralone, so I came here). \n\nI'm a very awkward girl. Also, I don't have a lot of things to relate to people with. I don't go out, party, or hang out with friends. I'm very much work focused/a shut in. I pretty much only interact with people when I'm having sex. I have hobbies but they're not the same as other people's - piano, rescuing cats, knitting, etc\n\nCue Brazilian jiu jitsu. I'm obsessed with the sport and I'm proud of my progress. I'm very friendly, but I don't inherently understand social settings/how to work them, plus I'm not sure of myself (residual problems from an extremely abusive past), so I'm very quiet. Trying to feel people out, and ask questions about themselves. But apparently it all comes across as sexual.  Someone told me after class that that's my energy, regardless of what I say. I know I'm not tweaking my nipples while I'm talking to people, so I have no fucking clue what it is.\n\nI've had a few guys talk to me after class, being nice, getting my number and junk. I'm kind of happy because we share a common interest of BJJ and maybe we can be friends, but really.. I have nothing else to talk about. My go-to topics of interest are primarily sexual because no one else appreciates knitting (I know right?). But the few I've opened up to socially are starting to hound me about it. They want to bang me. I don't want to \"shit where I eat\" and they're not even my type. I'm not even a HB10.\n\nI know that opening up the topic of sex is on me, but I really like how open about it I am, the sex jokes I make and I'm proud of being sexually free. I even make those jokes around my family. I'm just not vulgar and it's all pretty innocent/playful. Still though, I get that it's my fault. Next time I will just settle for having nothing else to say.\n\nBut this makes me not even want to roll with some of the guys. But how the fuck do I even talk about something like that to my teachers? Hi I'm awkward and now this is going to be awkward for you too?\n\nHow many fucks should I give that I'm rolling with guys who want to bang me? If you've seen BJJ, sparring with a partner leaves very little room for personal bubbles. Should I just suck it up and tell them to do the same?\n\nHow do I 'turn off' being sexual? I almost feel like it's part of who I am.  Anyway please help. I'm sorry if this all sounds incredibly stupid but I need to find a way to be more social (more social period) without opening myself up to being taken as a one dimensional sex fiend.\n\nThanks for reading.\n", "answer": "Have you seen a counselor? It sounds like it would be really helpful for you to have something to work through this stuff with. It CAN and WILL get better, but it gets better much faster with help :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "14ehqt", "comment_id": "c7d4ju2"}, {"question": "How do I stop falling for narcissists?", "description": "Hi, I\u2019m a 20F and I\u2019ve fallen for two guys that are (what I think are) narcissists in a the span of a few months. One was more covert and the most recent was more overt. My mom is also a narcissist. (Many people around me who know my mom agree that she is a narcissist). I feel like an idiot since I keep falling for this type of person. How do I catch the warning signs of narcissism early? I just started seeing a therapist so I do feel like some of this will work itself out in time. I\u2019m just curious if anyone knows why this happens.", "answer": "I\u2019ve been in this pattern before as well. The narcissists I\u2019ve ended up with in the past were also very manipulative and emotionally abusive.  \n\nWhat do you think attracts you to these types? Also, are you more of an empath? Are you someone who over looks some of the negative behaviours of your partners/sees the good in them and their potential? \n\nThere\u2019s some interesting articles about empaths and narcissists.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ejz1wb", "comment_id": "fd4381y"}, {"question": "How do I help my mother to help my father to get help?", "description": "My father is a severe alcoholic with un-diagnosed mental issues. He suffers from delusions, anger, mood swings, and more. I'm not a doctor, and know nothing about mental health really besides some anxiety and depression that I suffer from myself. He will not get help, and he is losing his mind and it is killing my mother. He stays up all night drinking and talking to some fake catfish girl online while my mother can't sleep and shes in her 60s and works a full time job. He just drinks all night and goes to bed at 8 in the morning, then sleeps all day. Who can my mom call? She is having a very hard time with this and I don't know what to tell her. She goes back and forth because she's worried he'll die in the hospital and that he's too far gone for help, but also says she can't deal with this anymore. ", "answer": "Do you believe that the alcohol is causing the mental health problems or did they exist before he struggled with drink?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zj4qk", "comment_id": "deys5ci"}, {"question": "My SO (31/M) doesn't want to live with me (30/F); is this potentially a red flag?", "description": "Been with my boyfriend for two years as of yesterday. We met at work (still work together) and when we started dating he was going through a divorce. They were not married for very long but they dated and quickly moved in together and then were engaged within a year. Lots of fights about money during their marriage and then she decided to leave him after about two years or so. \n\nFrom our first date, we were basically exclusive and knew it would be something serious. In a lot of ways, his divorce has never impacted us. He has never been distant or seems like he needed space or had insecurities about me because of his ex. He has always told me we were something long term.\n\nHowever, I find that we never discuss the future as it regards to us as a couple. He will either talk about super far off events, like our retirement, or closer events, like a trip a few months out. But we don't talk about moving in or marriage (and to be clear, I don't want to get married right now but I am more using it as an example since it is a pretty commonplace conversation). I have mentioned wanting to live together and he has expressed that it worries him because of his past bad experiences. This was a few months ago. \n\nHis lease will be up soon so instead of badgering him about it I figure I will let him bring it up when it is time for him to decide on signing for another year. But institutionally, I think he will not want to live together. Part of me can see that some of these actions are him being gun shy from the divorce, especially since he had no time on his own after it was over and I want to be supportive of that. I know a lot of people say they are more cautious and move slower in their next relationship. And if it really is just that I could wait another year to live together. \n\nBut another side of me can't help but wonder if I am holding on for something that really has to do with me. I know he loves and cares for me but maybe something in him doesn't want to move forward with me specifically. We already spend five nights a week together and I wonder if he isn't ready to live with me by now, would more time really make a difference? I feel like he did everything for the ex wife-moved her in, married her, moved to another state so she could be with her family, bought her a dog, etc etc and here we are at two years with no real progress. I can't help but to take it personally and I am not sure if I should or if I am just being overly sensitive. \n\nDoes this sound like it is something I should worry about or just a guy taking his time after a bad experience? And I know people will tell me to talk to him, and I plan to once he makes his decision about the lease because I feel like that is a good lead in. Right now, I am just looking for some objective opinions. \n\nThank you!", "answer": "if you want the next level and he doesn't, that's a problem", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zcd3h", "comment_id": "dex2mnh"}, {"question": "Will I have to get re-tested to get medication again?", "description": "I got diagnosed with ADHD in middle school/high school years by my pediatrician at the time. Yes I was on medication as well. But its been over 5 years since I have taken medicine or seen an adult physician about it. I moved to a new city since then and i am in my third year of college and over the years my gpa, my relationships, and my work situations have suffered tremendously. I finally got around to making an appointment with a doctor in a few days and i was wondering if since its been so long since i\u2019ve taken medicine and been diagnosed if i\u2019ll have to be re-tested?  \n\nthanks!! ", "answer": "Probably not retested but if you can get a hold of your old test records or medical records, your doc would probably find it helpful.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ae2s3m", "comment_id": "edm05z0"}, {"question": "What's up Wednesday?", "description": "Hey everyone it's Wednesday that means the week's half over! How's it been going? Share your triumphs, struggles, or just general chat!\n\nTriumph: I got my 90 day chip at my homegroup on Monday with my Dad there.  He told me how proud he was of me.  I'm choking up writing this, but I'm also learning that that's OK.\n\nStruggle: I've been feeling a bit lonely the past couple of days, which was one of the reasons I used to drink.  I'm learning to deal with it though.\n\nGeneral chat: The fall leaves are so beautiful right now.\n\nHave another great 24 hours folks!", "answer": "Congratulations and hang in there to everyone in this thread.  Here's mine...    \n    \nTriumph:  Yesterday was my dead brother's birthday (August was the tenth anniversary of his death).  It's always a hard day of the year, and I used to always spend it drunk.  Yesterday I was able to spend it with my fiance and my family, and be both happy and sad and it was okay.    \n    \nStruggle:  I don't make enough money at my job, but no one's hiring someone with erratic part-time hours dictated by a school schedule.    \n    \nGeneral chat:  It's the nicest time of the year where I live.  Our summers are usually cool (foggy through June, sunny but cool through August) and then we get a beautiful 2-3 hot, sunny weeks at the end of September/beginning of October, then a beautiful month or so of fall, then rainrainrainrainrain.  But it's gorgeous right now.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "118v6m", "comment_id": "c6kfgve"}, {"question": "Need a third person perspective, my thoughts are messed up and I'm so confused.", "description": "* \nMet this girl last week on a trip, we hit it off instantly. Had loads of fun with her, and other people commented to me that they thought she was into me. I reaaaly started to like her. More than I've ever liked a girl in my life.\n\n* \nWe slept in the same bed on one night, nothing happened. Just cuddling. And we talked most the night as well and the bus trip home. \n* Over the past week we have talked every day on the phone/facebook for at least two hours, we've been texting each other constantly as well these past few days. We know so much about each other and we've had some emotional conversations. The majority of our conversations are just fun though, we both think the other person is hilarious\n* \nConversations are very flirty, when I see her she touches me a lot.\n* Met her for lunch today, and she dropped a huge bomb. She has a boyfriend. She said she'd been feeling really guilty texting me all week  and still wants to be friends. I acted like I didn't care and we sat there for another few hours, we then walked around town for a while just having the banter. I felt sick, I was a mess. I don't know if I hid it well though.\n* One thing she did say to me was that her and her friend we discussing me and they both agreed I was hot and she tried to set her friend up with me and (her words) \"because I couldn't\". I didn't do anything because I liked this girl.\n* I don't want to be in the friends zone. She texted me a few hours ago and I haven't replied. I really really want to though. I miss her already.\n* \nI've never met her boyfriend, and I don't want to.\n\nI'm a mess. Help me.\n\nI want to tell her something, but I don't know what. Cutting contact isn't possible because we are both involved in a club and will be seeing each other a few times a week anyway. I want to tell her something when we're both drunk, there's a club night out sometime soon.\n\nThanks guys\n\nx\n\n\n\n", "answer": "I've been in that EXACT situation before and I can say from experience that it's terrible.  At the time I did what it sounds you are doing - I left her alone. Now I'm in my 40's and have a slightly different perspective on life and as I look back, I can honestly say that possibly the single BIGGEST REGRET I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE IS NOT PURSUING IT.\n\nYes, she has a boyfriend, but she's not married or engaged.  If I had pursued the girl at the time, she might not have wasted many years in an abusive relationship that ultimately drove her to severe emotional problems.\n\nLife's about living.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fyk6i", "comment_id": "c1jluuo"}, {"question": "I still love my abusive ex from 3 years ago", "description": "TLDR at the bottom\n\nI met my ex (let's call her Jane) in highschool back in 2009. We hit it off fairly quick and started dating after only knowing each other for a couple months. We dated consistently for 7 years after that.\n\nWe fought a lot, but I never thought it was more than the average couple. It wasn't until I started seeing a therapist in early 2018 that I realized exactly how emotionally abusive Jane had been towards me.\n\nShe would consistently hit below the belt. She would take every opportunity she could to make me feel dumb, like she was superior to me. She would shame me whenever I made a mistake, making me feel 10 times worse than I already did. She would make me feel like I didn't belong around her friends by always talking shit about me towards them. Her friends would tell both Jane and I that she was too good for me. \n\nShe would constantly shift blame and try to make me feel bad for anything that ever happened between us. Somehow every problem in our relationship could always be traced back to me and I had no way of arguing against her sheer ignorance and lack of logic. She lives in a world where she is never wrong.\n\nIt's safe to say that our relationship was mostly held together by our sex life. This was the aspect of our relationship that had the least issues. This was also one of the only ways she showed me affection. She didn't like hugging or cuddling. She didn't like to kiss very much. She didn't like human contact. The only time I was able to be totally comfortable with her was when we were having sex, and that was inconsistent because she has a low sex-drive.\n\nShe cheated on me with her best \"male friend\". To make this more clear, me and this guy always had issues and she knew that. This was literally the worst person she could have cheated on me with. I shamefully forgave her, and tried my best to move on.\n\nOnce we were in college together things only got worse. She would go out drinking 4 nights a week and I was not allowed to come with. She did not like being around me when she was drunk, so I was told to stay home instead. Typically I would sit at home all night and pray that she didn't cheat on me. I honestly still don't know to this day if she cheated on me during those nights.\n\nIn 2014 we had a child together. She was still in college and I had dropped out to work full-time at a crappy job just so we could afford to support our son. After a year of trying to make it work as a family she finally left me for good. She moved 3 states away to distance herself from me and she took our son with her. Now I drive 8 hours to meet with her twice a month so I can see my son for a total of 8 days a month.\n\nJust to make things that much worse she lied and told her entire family that I hit her. This way I couldn't even talk to her family. These were people I had grown to love over the last 7 years, they were basically a second family for me.\n\nI still love her. I have every right to hate Jane, but I don't. I don't know why I still feel the way I do about her. I'm ashamed to admit this to any of my family members, they all treat her like she's the plague, and I know that she deserves it. I haven't even admitted this to my therapist. I just can't bring myself to get over her. There is nothing I want more than to hate her, but I don't.\n\nWe broke up 3 years ago and I still think about her every day. I still have delusions of Jane and I sharing a future with our son together. I hate myself for thinking these things. This is my deepest secret.\n\nTLDR: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years before she finally left me and took our son 3 states away. I can't get over her and I'm ashamed to even admit it to my family and my therapist.", "answer": "This is honestly a lot more common than you'd think -- you are not alone in this. If you google it, you'll see a lot of people with a similar struggle. I have been struggling with this a lot recently myself and feeling so much shame about it and the book The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes is so far helping a lot. ", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "apkc16", "comment_id": "eg9othl"}, {"question": "Long term effects of SSRI use?", "description": "I\u2019ve been on anti depressants pretty much my whole life. Fluvoxamine at age 8 when diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and then Escitalopram at 18 when the Fluvoxamine was no longer working. It\u2019s crazy and a little scary to think how this medication has effected my body? My liver?", "answer": "You were given antidepressants at age 8? Wow.\n\nIn practice antidepressants are fairly safe for long term use - usually untreated mental illness confers more risks. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75w4os", "comment_id": "do9nkjc"}, {"question": "I will be presenting some humorous awards at my firm's Christmas Party. Any advice on public speaking and improvisation?", "description": "I was asked to present the awards with another coworker, I don't know if we have \"chemistry\" presenting together or not, but I would like advice on what I should watch out for or some form of general presentation about the basics of public speaking. \n\nI am not that scared about it, but I would like not to embarrass myself.\n\nAlso, since it won't be a scripted event, do you have any improv tips and maybe some clean jokes that I could/should use? \n\nThank you.", "answer": "http://sixminutes.dlugan.com/ is a great resource for public speaking.\n\nBeyond that, practice! However, don't try to memorize your speech word for word. Just memorize an outline, and then practice it several times. Your actual words each time will vary, but that's ok because you will always hit the important points.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13y96h", "comment_id": "c78bd6n"}, {"question": "so i have this problem where...", "description": "so i have this problem where i cant really act like the way i want to without worrying about what other people will think. Unless there is someone who is more 'cringey' than me around, i will pretty much be anxious of what other people will think..", "answer": "It doesn't matter how many of the symptoms for social anxiety you have. All that matters is that you ask yourself this question,\n\nIs your worrying causing you marked distress on your everyday life? And do you want that to change?\n\nIf the answer is yes, go see a therapist.\n\nYour symptom list doesn't matter. People see therapists for 1 symptom, some see a therapist for 100 symptoms. All that matters is that you have something in your life you need to fix.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3y20e1", "comment_id": "cyak388"}, {"question": "Should I forgive him", "description": "So I'm in quite a peculiar situation. My boyfriend cheated and says it made realize he had fallen in love with me.\n\nI'm a senior in College and I've been dating this guy for almost a year. It was very light and fun at first because we both new we were graduating but we ultimately fell head over heels for each other. \n\nSince we are graduating soon, we started having talks about our relationship and the likelihood of it ending as we are going separate ways due to job opportunities. We stayed together because our relationship was so special but neither of us had openly admitted that we'd be willing to try long distance. \n\nTwo weeks ago, things got heavy and I realized that I gebuinely wanted to see where our relationship could go after graduation. He told me he loved me and that he had been holding it in. I reciprocated and we got even closer than before. \n\nToday, I told him flat out that I want to be with him after graduation and I would regret it if we didn't try to make this work long distance. He fought me a little, being very wary of the concept until he got extremely emotional. He told me he had slept with someone and that it happened the night before he told me he loved me. \n\nAfter some screaming (my part) and begging (his part) and crying (mutual) I let him talk. It was a classmate of his that was going through the same relationship issue and didn't know what to do. They had bonded over that. \n\nHe explained that he did it as a sort of self sabotage, because he didn't want it to be as hard to break up. He figured if he did something so bad, it would help him move on. He said that immediately after, though we had only talked about going our separate ways, he knew that he was in love with me and had made the biggest mistake of his life. \n\nThe next day he told me he loved me and I was oblivious. I had noticed the change in him though and I could see in his eyes the way he looked at me. I have never felt that close to anyone in my life. \n\nHe says that he wasn't going to tell me he had cheated because we are going our separate ways in a month and he didn't want to put that pain on me if it wasn't necessary.\n\nThe reason he broke down and told me was because when I said I wanted to stay together after graduation, he knew that he wanted to as well. He also knew that he couldn't stay with me without telling me of the night 2 weeks ago that ultimately forced him to realize this fact. \n\nPlease help. I have been cheated on before and have had no trouble kicking the guy to the curb with a firm \"good riddence\". But this guy is special. And I truly believe him. I just don't know if I can forgive him or trust him. Is it worth it?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68kdkw", "comment_id": "dgzfal0"}, {"question": "Is under 4\u201910 LeGaLLy constitute someone as a little person? Or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23F // White // 115lbs // smoker // No drinking // \n\n\nI\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me I\u2019m LeGaLly a little person even though I\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and I don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person. \n\nSo here I am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people? \n\nBecause dang if I\u2019m a little person this whole time I missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (That\u2019s a joke because I in no way shape or form feel like a little person and I feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title) \n\nThanks for any help in advanced! I really just want to settle it, if I\u2019m wrong I\u2019ll take the L!", "answer": "I believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the US, which would exclude you. As the other poster noted, if you want to know about ADA and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. Medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "faas9d7"}, {"question": "Loss of sensation after IM injection", "description": "Male, 19, 180cm\n\nI took a Diclofenac IM injection in my deltoid and it was normal until I woke up the next morning and I absolutely couldn't feel my biceps, it's been like this for a week now. I just cant sense the area under my deltoid and when I touch it with my fingers I don't feel like anything touched my arm, completely numb.\n\nI can move the muscle just fine, but its very uncomfortable,  Should I see a doctor for this or is this just a side effect of the IM injection?", "answer": "Rarely, a poorly placed IM injection can hit the axillary nerve, which can cause paralysis and loss of feeling in a small, specific area on the front/side of your arm. The superior lateral cutaneous nerve off of that is smaller and supplies sensory information to that area. I've never heard of just that being hit, but that's what it sounds like.\n\nHopefully the nerve is just irritated and will recover. You could see a doctor, and perhaps get more specific testing. I'm not sure what intervention would be possible, but a neurologist could know more.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mcd7n", "comment_id": "dzmf8yt"}, {"question": "My [27M] special someone [26/F] has had past MMF threesome \u2013 seeking advice to get over it", "description": "Thank you for taking interest in my post! This is a throw-away account, obviously. First, I\u2019d like to provide a little background on myself. I have only been intimate with two women, ever. I dated one of them for four years, and the other for six years. I am not insecure \u2013 I just enjoy being best friends with the person I choose to have regular sex with; I have never been a fan of hookups.\n\n\nAbout one month ago, I met the girl of my fucking dreams. We\u2019re compatible in every way imaginable. Music, food, cars, games, philosophies, careers, family \u2013 everything. She has the sweetest personality, and is absolutely smoking-hot (also great). I already feel like I\u2019ve known her my entire life, because she is essentially me in female-form. I\u2019ve taken a multitude of women out on dates, and just never really felt a connection. With this girl, it\u2019s very different \u2013 we both feel an undeniable spark. We live on opposite sides of the state, so seeing each other is essentially a weekend-trip, which we\u2019ve done a few times already. There have also been a few spontaneous midnight drives. We both see fantastic things in our future. We really, really like each other. We\u2019re a much-needed breath of fresh air for each other.\n\n\nHOWEVER, when our friendship was in early development, I remember her making a comment about how attractive a passing-by female was. I asked if she was bi-sexual, and her answer was \u201cmore like bi-curious\u201d. My heart began racing, as I\u2019ve always been timid on the subject of threesomes. However, out came the question: \u201cSo you\u2019ve never been in a threesome? Me either.\u201d She stopped for a moment and said:\n\n\n\u201cPlease don\u2019t judge me, but I have been with two guys at once. It was like six years ago, and I was sort-of dating one of the guys. We were cuddling, when his friend randomly entered the room. He laid on the other side of me and started touching me between my legs. Then, my boyfriend started kissing me. Before I knew it, they were both inside of me. I didn\u2019t do anal or anything \u2013 I was just like, Eiffel-towered I guess. I was laughing the entire time, totally shocked that it was happening. It wasn\u2019t rape \u2013 I was young and stupid so I went along with it. Clearly my boyfriend at the time pre-planned it without me knowing. I\u2019ve never had a fantasy of being with two guys at once \u2013 it just sort-of happened and I don\u2019t know why. It wasn\u2019t even enjoyable. I didn\u2019t even orgasm, and neither did his friend. I\u2019ve always wanted to try an MFF threesome though, so if you\u2019d ever be open to that, I\u2019m your girl.\u201d Obviously not quoted to a tee, but this is everything she said.\n\n\nNow, okay \u2013 NOT a deal-breaker. I still really, really like her. She\u2019s been very open about discussing it, and I\u2019m working on getting over it. Threesomes have always been a big insecurity of mine \u2013 probably because I\u2019ve low-key wanted to have one but never admitted it to myself. The fact that she had sex with 100% of the number of people I\u2019ve EVER had sex with in a single session makes me a little jealous. It makes me feel like a loser, kind-of. Only now, watching MMF porn instantly makes me feel sick, but it\u2019s all I\u2019ve been watching in attempts to get over it. Every time I see the year \u201c2012\u201d anywhere, I immediately start picturing her in a threesome. Every time there\u2019s another guy in our presence, it\u2019s all I can think about. Ever since learning of this, the thought has crept into my mind nearly every waking hour. Some days it\u2019s better than others. We\u2019re still talking every day, and we\u2019ve seen each other / gotten very intimate several times since I learned of her threesome. I have no intentions of leaving her \u2013 she\u2019s the fucking jackpot-lotto woman besides the threesome. I\u2019ve even told her: \u201cI don\u2019t wish you hadn\u2019t had that threesome, because it\u2019s part of you, and I like you \u2013 it\u2019s just me that needs to overcome it.\u201d\n\n\nI\u2019ve been thinking a lot about how to cope, and strangely enough, I think having an MMF threesome with her would immediately make me feel better. I am NOT insecure \u2013 I wouldn\u2019t get butt-hurt watching another guy do her with me. The only reason I want this, is because she said her original threesome was poorly-executed and didn\u2019t feel good. I know for a fact that I could give her an enjoyable one. I aim to succeed in all facets of life, and I\u2019m certain I could make her feel like royalty in that bed. I believe this sex act would \u201coverride\u201d her threesome from 2012. You know, \u201cOh, yeah she had a threesome back in 2012 but that was just child\u2019s play \u2013 I gave her the one she actually enjoyed.\u201d Whether or not she\u2019d even be up for this \u2013 I have no idea. She\u2019s definitely open to an MFF threesome, so maybe we can do both? I really have no idea.\n\n\nAm I going crazy? I feel like I might be. I really, really, really like this girl and I\u2019m willing to do whatever it takes to swallow this. I just want to never think about it again and move our relationship forward. Does anyone have any advice?\n\n\n**TL;DR \u2013 **my new female SO was involved in a random one-off, uncalled-for MMF threesome six years ago. I am having trouble swallowing it, because I\u2019ve never had a threesome. I don\u2019t think she\u2019s a slut. However, I want to have an MMF threesome with her now, as a means of \u201coverwriting\u201d her past one.", "answer": "everyone has something in their past. it's NOW that counts", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6z26n6", "comment_id": "dms2kh8"}, {"question": "Do I have Alexithymia?", "description": "(forgive me if I've made any mistakes with this post, or if I'm posting in the wrong subreddit. I've never used Reddit before until now)\n\nFor some background information on my mental health: When I was in Kindergarten I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), and when I was around 10-11 I was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).\n\n\nMy parents never really believed in my Autism diagnosis and simply told me that, \"the doctor was crazy, and didnt know what he was talking about\". Therefore they just dismissed it and moved on, I tried to as well but I never could as it explained a lot of my behavior. Therefore why I'm posting here instead of asking an actual medical professional, due to my parents most likely not taking my worries seriously.\n\nRecently I've told a friend (who's actually a certified professional in treating children with Autism) about my worries, which are that I'm unable to feel certain emotions such as empathy. I've never been able to truly feel empathy, not for others and not even for my own family members. I've never felt loss at funerals, and I've never been able to sympathize with my closest friend. I know how others should react to it, so for the sake of not being seen as insensitive all I can do is fake it. The best thing I can describe to what I feel when it comes to emotional situations is just emptiness, I just cant feel anything.\n\nI'm also mostly unable to feel love, I have an amazing family who love, care, and have always supported me. But it's very difficult for me to love them or to show love towards them, It makes me very uncomfortable to show physical/verbal forms of affection towards them. \n\nThe fact that I'm emotionally distant has caused me to become closed off with my family members to a certain point, and has made it difficult for me to form new relationships. I can feel other emotions such as frustration, happiness, and certain degrees of sadness. But I cant seem to feel empathy nor affection towards others.\n\nMy parents tend to blame my lack of empathy towards the fact that I'm an only child and am 'spoiled'. I don't think I am, but maybe that could be it?\n\nI told my friend about this and she asked if I was diagnosed with Alexithymia, I said that I wasn't. But that response made me think about it, which brings me here.\n\n\nSo do I have Alexithymia? Is all of this just a symptom of having ASD? Or am I just a spoiled person who will (hopefully) eventually grow to cultivate these emotions?\n\n\nUpdate: A redditor below suggested that I try some online assessments, I tried out a test for Alexithymia and the results determined that I have a high amount of Alexithymic traits. But I'm still uncertain of its accuracy.", "answer": "How are you in normal, everyday social conversations?  Do you feel awkward?  Can you pick up on sarcasm and stuff like that?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eh3dod", "comment_id": "fcd6u8k"}, {"question": "Just got discharged from a hospitalization due to anaphlactic shock. I still have some questions.", "description": "Male, 27, 5'9', 170 lbs, Caucasian, smoker.\n\nWas diagnosed an anaphylactic to tree nuts 20 years ago. Never had a severe reaction until last night where there were traces of Cashews in some noodles I ate at 15:30. Didn't take my epipen cause I didn't have difficulty breathing. Took a pill of Benadryl at 18:00. By 19:20 I was perspiring like crazy, vision blurry, stomach and chest pains, body was fully red and itchy, hives everywhere. Didn't take my epipen because I thought it was for solely when I had trouble breathing. My family convinced me to take it, and I felt immediately better. The first time I took it in 20 years. \n\nAfter 20 minutes, the symptoms came back and I rushed to hospital and took another epipen at 20:15 and was triaged by 20:35. The nurse didn't think it was that severe \\[I don't think\\] because I didn't have trouble breathing - but I had a ton of other symptoms. She asked me why I took my epipens if I didn't have any trouble breathing - alluding that I took them unnecessarily. By 21:00 my vision got blurry, I couldn't hear anything, so I went up to the nurse and said I think was going to pass out. I said I think I need another epipen, and she said I didn't, and I didn't need to take two before. The hearing loss and vision loss lasted for about a minute and thirty seconds (fading from consciousness), where the nurse rushed me onto a bed by stretcher and the doctor took my blood pressure. They found that it was extremely low and the doctor said I immediately needed an IV drip and shot of adrenaline. I was then was given steroids, Benadryl, and something for the chest pains and was released after all the symptoms subsided at 00:30. \n\nAfter reading online, I found some articles saying the primary cause of death for people with anaphlaxis can be either shock or asphyxia. In the case of a tree nut allergy, should reactions be treated as deadly exclusively when there are breathing problems? Or is the cause of death as often 'shock' as asphyxiation from a closing throat? I have read some papers online saying that death from anaphlaxis can be caused by shock - is this the case for people with food allergies? Or is it only for other things, like venom? \n\nAny clear information and knowledge on this topic would be appreciated, so I know how to react next time I experience symptoms. ", "answer": "I have no idea what the relative breakdown of angioedema (swelling) and hypotension (shock) is in tree nut or any food allergies, but yes, both can occur and both are serious. Although I hate to blame other medical providers, it sounds crazy to me that someone wouldn't take an allergic reaction that required epi seriously only a few minutes after you gave yourself epi. Yes, it sounds like you risk anaphylactic shock, and so if you have a serious allergic reaction you should give yourself epi sooner rather than later, seek medical attention, and be clear that you have a history of severe low blood pressure from tree nuts.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94bsbn", "comment_id": "e3jskqn"}, {"question": "Realistic expectations from transplant", "description": "Hello,\nMy father (69M) is set up to receive a heart transplant any time between now and the next six months. The last year or so of his life been pretty up and down as his heart failure has resulted in multiple trips to the ER as well as a pic line set up for him to take diaretic and other fluids at home. \n\nMy main question, which answer has been (understandably) very wishy washy from doctors is, if a heart transplant is successful, what will my dads life look life afterwards? I understand it takes time for the body to accept the organ and what not so just going off best case scenarios. Right now three flights of stairs would be a lot for him. He used to be an avid skier and hiker. Would he be able to pick some of those activities back up? Or does his endurance and strength stay about the same, just overall is better and he gets to see my family grow up?\n\nThank you for your time", "answer": "Some of this depends on details of the heart disease requiring transplant. Generally, barring immediate complications, functional outcomes are good. After a transplant most people can resume work and, although they are usually deconditioned from illness, can resume exercising.\n\nIn your terms, he probably won\u2019t immediately gain strength, but he will regain enough stamina to eventually regain strength and more stamina if he works at it.\n\nThere\u2019s no promise of a good outcome, but that is the outcome for most patients in the short term and lasting for years.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e2nw3g", "comment_id": "f8wpr2m"}, {"question": "Finally won the fight with Anxiety.", "description": "For years I thought I was ADHD, personality disorders, or anything else. But after taking Paxil 30 mg every day, and 2mg Klonopin at night, I wake up happy, I talk to people, I am thoroughly happy and have no setbacks. It has taken me 10 plus years to finally figure this out. \n\nI wanted to control my anxiety without meds, but I realized that isn't possible. I will forever be on meds but if that means my life is happy and I have no limit on what I can do mentally and emotionally, consider me happy to be medicated. Just wanted to share my story. ", "answer": "WTF? I know it feels good to have a handle on it, but K-pins do not give up easily. That's a 10 year ride to hell possibly. I'm scared for you but understand why you did it. I'd fight for Ketamine treatment first and second then ECT or whatever before resolving to Clonazepam. Please read accounts of benzo withdrawal and tolerance. Keep fighting. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "54fg7j", "comment_id": "d81xs99"}, {"question": "Is there a way I can find out what\u2019s wrong with me without therapy?", "description": "Like a psychiatric hold, but for people who don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with them?\n\nI know I have issues, but I don\u2019t want therapy I want to be medicated and be done with it. Suggestions please.", "answer": "Many cinical psychologists do diagnostic assessment without treatment . It usually involves a clinical interview  and tests.  Afterwards , a diagnosis is made and recommendations given .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g44zoc", "comment_id": "fnw2gdk"}, {"question": "Can't stop thinking about an angry note left on my door (NSFW content)", "description": "Rant incoming. I just can't stop panicking about this.\n\nI recently started seeing someone and (for the first time in a long time) things have been going really well so far. We went out a couple nights ago and then he came back to my apartment and spent the night. In the morning, this note was taped to my door:\n\n\"Hello to All Occupants,\n\nWe ALL heard your sexual encounter last night/early this morning.\n\nPLEASE keep your private time private:\n\n- get a new box spring\n-- yours is squeaky\n\n- have sex earlier when we are more likely to be cooking dinner, washing clothes, etc. and wouldn't be able to hear you.\n\n- Please limit the fake moaning and screaming. We know it wasn't that good.\n\n* Loud sex is NOT appropriate late Tuesday nights when we all are trying to sleep in order to work the next day.\n\nThank you!\"\n\nLogically, I know this note is unnecessarily harsh for several reasons:\n\n- Why tape this to my door to publicly shame me when slipping it under the door would have been just as effective?\n\n- This is the first time I've had sex in my apartment for almost a *year* so it's not like this is some kind of repeated offense.\n\n- I've lived here for 3.5 years and it was not any louder than it's been in the past, but this is the first I'm hearing of it?\n\n- We live in an apartment complex where the walls are real thin. I can try to be quieter but people are gonna hear shit no matter what I do..\n\n- They want me to have sex during the day when people are awake and more likely to hear..?\n\n- Y'all, I swear I was not faking. It was just real good sex.\n\nDon't get me wrong: I feel terrible if I kept anyone up and I'm trying to figure out how to keep things quieter moving forward. But that's the thing (and the reason why I'm posting here): I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for days. The notes about the bed frame and my noises in particular have me feeling insanely insecure. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's night - I try really, really hard to be considerate of my neighbors. I was just completely in the moment with this guy who has been wonderful and focused on enjoying my time with him. I know that the next time he's over, I'm not going to be able to get this out of my head and it's going to dampen things for us.\n\nMy anxious brain has been in overdrive. I could move the bed to another part of the room, but I don't know where the neighbor who wrote the note lives so where would even be a better spot for them? I can't get a new bed frame so even if I'm silent, will they still get annoyed by the bed and I'll get another note publicly shaming me in the morning? What if they report this to the front office and a note gets added to my records saying there were noise complaints and that makes its way to my next landlord without me getting a chance to explain? Do I really sound like I'm faking when I'm not? If I change my habits now, will my partner sense a difference and think I'm faking (which in a sense I would be, because it wouldn't be my natural reaction)? Was it really so loud that everyone in my hallway heard or just a next-door neighbor? Do they know who I am? Is this all they're going to think about me when they see me entering my apartment?\n\nA small part of the non-logical animal portion of my brain is so amped up, I've had thoughts of moving. The logical portion of my brain knows that's ridiculous and it was a one-time thing and I'm not inherently a bad person and it'll be okay. But those portions of my brain are doing a shit job of talking to each other so here I am feeling crazy anxious.\n\nIdk why I'm posting this.. I guess just looking for support. It's gotten bad enough that I'm having trouble focusing at work. I know once he comes over again and we're quieter and I don't get another note, I'll be able to relax a little. But this is torture in the meantime. Anyway, idk. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "This is purely meant to shame you into acting the way they want you to act.  \n\n\nAs someone who has personally dealt with a lot of shame throughout my life, I can say one of the biggest areas of growth for me is working to feel that I'm worthy of the space that I take up in the world and it's okay for me to live my life, even if by doing so it inconveniences others.  I'll never EVER become the asshole who just does whatever he wants regardless of how other people feel so I'm not concerned I'm going to go too far to the other end of things, but it's taken me a long time to feel okay with the space I take up.  \n\n\nIt sounds like you're experiencing something similar here.  So long as you're not breaking any rules you signed off on when entering into your contract for your apartment, you can do whatever you want in the space that YOU pay for.  If they want you to have a less squeaky bed, tell them you'll get one if they pay for it.  If they want you to change how you act (even when it's in accordance to the rules of your lease) tell them you'll do so, if they pay your rent.  \n\n\nIf it were me.... today... versus when I was much worse with my anxiety over upsetting others, I might leave a note on my door stating those things.  \n\n\nComplaints against you to the apartment office are not going to make their way to your next landlord unless of course your landlord is looking for past landlords as references (most don't ever do this in my area, they usually just want to verify your income and get a credit report if anything at all).  \n\n\nLastly, you have no idea whether anyone else heard you but your one neighbor.  The note wasn't signed by everyone on your floor.  The use of \"We all...\" was just another attempt to guilt/shame you and control you into doing what they want you do to.  I wouldn't put too much stock into it.   \n\n\nYou do you!  You're worthy of the space you take up in the world.  You have just as much right to live your life and do what makes you happy as anyone else.  Given that you pay for your apartment, you have every right to do whatever you want there.  So long as it's within accordance to contracts/agreements you've signed and in accordance with the law, nobody has the power to stop you but yourself.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "d6eg50", "comment_id": "f0tlzh9"}, {"question": "Request: Counselor isn't offering much help with binging issue", "description": "I've had a lot of issues with binging for about 6 years off and on. I've been on lately, having issues with binging almost daily again. And when I can get away with it I've been purging again.\n\nI've talked to my therapist previously about having issues with binging and didn't receive much advice beyond \"eat salad\" which I guess can be helpful, but not really too much.\n\nSo I don't really know what to do. I feel like I'm losing control of everything again.\n", "answer": "It sounds like your therapist isn't trained in eating disorders. I'd seek out one specifically trained- ED is a pretty \"special\" illness and often isn't addressed by the generic rules of therapy. \"Eat salad\" isn't great advice at all. Sorry you have to go through this.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "4vk93d", "comment_id": "d5z7ij7"}, {"question": "BF talking behind my back to ex GF, any advice?", "description": "Hello!! Sorry guys. this is gonna be kinda long but if you could spare me just a moment and give me your opinion on the situation at hand that would be so wonderful!!\n\n\n So I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now and things have been pretty sweet. Our relationship has been stellar tbh. I'm 20 and he is 22. But just recently I had noticed in the past couple of weeks that my SO had been receiving messages from of his exes (we share my laptop just to clear the air) and I really didn't pay any mind to it or anything because I trust my SO, and I just didn't think any thing of it. But my SO would leave his FaceBook account logged in and open. And ya know I would log into my laptop here and there and one evening I saw mutiple message notifications from the same ex and I did something fucked up and I snooped, I'll admit I invaded his privacy but I wanted to see what was up, curiosity got the best of me here. When I saw what was said I felt heartbroken. He was talking about a small argument we had gotten into and sending her screenshots of the whole ordeal and putting me on blast, meanwhile she was calling me a psycho, crazy, and mentioning that it didn't seem like we had a healthy relationship. He was just letting her rip at me without defending me. And what makes me crack up here folks, what really gets me, is that this ol girl cheated on my SO in high school. And there were more flirty type messages but I think that's maybe all the details I should give out about the situation lol. \n\nAnyways when I saw the messages I freaked tf out and I immediately confronted my SO, at first I questioned his ass about his ex and the conversations and he lied to me, so I plopped the laptop down in front of him and showed him the messages I had found, and he had such a major meltdown he started crying and was begging me to stay with him, he immediately messaged her and told her that he couldn't message her anymore and that I was too important to loose yadadamean, and went on to block her. \n\nNow I'm sitting here a couple days later trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I know he loves me and I do love him. But shit, you guys he lied to my face about this situation and was talking mad shit over practically nothing. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, giving him rides, you name it. I just feel so betrayed I would never speak about him in that manner to anyone, ya know? Now our relationship is hanging from its hinges. He wants to cuddle and get intimate with me and I just push him away. I feel like I can no longer trust him. And now he's frustrated and just wants me to move on and be happy with him but like how can that just happen? My emotions and feelings aren't a button a TV remote that you can just push to change. I want to forget about what has happened but every moment I'm with him the conversations haunt and mock me. We've already had many conversations about it, but it seems like nothing is helping. I feel like if I wouldn't had caught him he wouldn't had been sorry. What do you think? Any input would be so dearly appreciated!!", "answer": "Why do you wash his clothes and do his dishes?  Is he 8 years old?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a4wrz", "comment_id": "dhbp73x"}, {"question": "I'm just not attracted to this girl, maybe i have unrealistic standards.", "description": "She is clearly attracted to me, but i don't find her physically attractive. I don't want to get in another ugly relationship but something in me says that i should give it a chance. If it blows up it would be awful because i share all my clases with her (college). Have you guys experienced something similar? do you have some advice for me? ", "answer": "there's not a whole lot of magic and mystery left in this world, but physical attraction is one of them.  if you're expecting every girl you date to look like a super model, then yes, your expectations are inappropriate.  otherwise, it's just chemistry.. [i have no idea why my dog sniffs one dogs privates and not another's]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tao73", "comment_id": "ddlewf6"}, {"question": "[24/m]Stuck in a circle with my [22/f] girlfriend", "description": "I don't know if it's just me or what but I'd appreciate any advice please.\n\nI have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and we have a great relationship. When we first started dating we had a great sex life and trying new things. As the years passed we our sex life has died slowly. I know that when first date everyone has that honeymoon phase but now it's just like not common. But I have a  higher sex drive than her. She doesn't see it as a problem. I know it's not all about the sex but it's still an important factor. Any advice or anything be helpful. Also at the beginning of the relationship she used to be up for more blow jobs.  Now it's only if drunk and that still a push.\n\nCan this survive or is it actually just going to a dead end.", "answer": "all sex levels off to some extent. you just have to keep talking and finding common ground.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ms7h2", "comment_id": "dc611x1"}, {"question": "\u201cLet us go forward together, the struggle continues.\u201d Senator Bernie Sanders", "description": "I am angry. I am afraid. I am sad. I am in mourning.\n\nI fear for the country. I fear for our souls.\n\nWhat is to become of us.\n\n\nI will not drink with you today.", "answer": "I know this is tame, but please, I implore people to please, please, please keep anything even remotely political off of this sub. This is for all people who want to stop drinking. These things have a way of taking a life of their own and becoming decisive and negative quickly no matter the intent.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fx999c", "comment_id": "fmuos07"}, {"question": "Uncle lets people steal hundreds of dollars from his shop and customers, but never cuts them off. Only two out of 12 or so people haven't stolen from him.", "description": "My uncle owns a mechanic shop.  He's around 63 years old and still works 5-6 days a week.  His only employees are the same people that steal from him.  They have gone to customer's houses asking for money in his name.  They have stolen entire engines from his shop at night.  If he gives them money to go buy a part, they keep the money and won't show up for 2-3 weeks. These occurrences have been happening for years.  \n\nEven so...He forgives them.  As long as they don't show up for awhile, he forgives them.  He has neither cuts them off nor does he fire them.  Women who he had sex with years before will come ask for money, yet he will give them money every single time without fail.  These people, after stealing from him, show back up and act like nothing happened  My mother and I know everything they have done and they still have the audacity to smile and greet us.  This is past the point of insanity.  My uncle isn't rich.  He hasn't paid property taxes for his shop in years so he constantly toes the line of getting it taken away.\n\nThis situation is so crazy that I can't even begin to figure it out.  He won't follow advice from family and friends, he listens but won't act.  What do you guys think about this?", "answer": "Assuming he has capacity to make informed decisions about his finances and property, then theres nothing you can do. If he doesn't, then there's adult protection legislation available to you (depending on country to country).\n\nIf you have good cause for suspicion that customers are being defrauded, then it's a police matter.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "528wc4", "comment_id": "d7icri9"}, {"question": "AM I RE INFECTED?!", "description": "Hey, so recently both me and my partner tested positive for chlamydia. I got prescribed a singe dose of antibiotics which i happened to take this morning. My partner has not taken his yet. I know the doctor told me to abstain from sex for 7 days, but i completely forgot that he hadn\u2019t even taken his yet and i started to give him oral until i remember that i had already taken mine this morning. Did i just waste the antibiotics?? Will they no longer work? Am i re infected? Please help.", "answer": "The antibiotic is probably still in your system and therefore you're unlikely to get reinfected, but it's possible. You'll need to get retested to check.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8j682v", "comment_id": "dyxamha"}, {"question": "i don\u2019t understand the concept of attractiveness?", "description": "to explain: when i see someone who is conventionally ugly i can tell they are unappealing to look at because symmetry or health reasons but i never understand when people say ____ is so attractive. i kind of see everyone as normal or ugly (symmetry and health of skin hair etc) but ive never seen a natural person and thought they were pretty or enough to swoon over? i don\u2019t understand why i cant relate when people say ____ celebrity is so attractive.\n\nedit: ive had crushes before (never been in a relationship, im 18) but looks wasnt the reason i liked them. like they were normal looking but i liked their skills or talents or how they are as a person. looks is secondary but everyone who ive liked just looks normal. i can pick flaws easily", "answer": "That's because essentially there is no such thing as universal attractiveness.  Yes there are studies that overall symmetry in facial features is considered more attractive by more people, but past that, there is no one measuring stick.  This is why most people can point to a celebrity crush that their friends don't think is attractive, but can also point to someone that many people find attractive and that person doesn't do it for them at all.  \n\n\nOur brains are pretty hard wired for reproduction (I'd guess that's still the case to a certain extent for LGBTQ+ individuals as well).  I think we're attracted to those with a good amount of genetic difference from us because that's what makes the healthiest babies.  \n\n\nAside from that, personality characteristics help us determine who we find attractive and may matter much more than physical looks.  \n\n\nYour question though is focused on why you can't relate.  Nobody's going to be able to give you that answer.  It's possible you just put a lot more emphasis on personality than physical attributes, it's possible sub-consciously you're trying to be different to meet some need, it's possible you focus on negative things more than positive as a distraction of some sorts, it's possible it's some/all/none of the things I said or something completely different.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dilvx3", "comment_id": "f3x1euj"}, {"question": "What do you guys do when you get bored or fealing like you want to use??", "description": "Hey guys so im makeing a jar full of things to do when u get bored for one of my friends leaveing the rehab im at in 2 days as a good bye and good luck thing. I have hit a wall with ideas seeing as im only 34 days sober and this is my first time trying. So if you guys have any ideas that could help me out with the things yall like to do to stay busy or distract u when you got the urge to pick up that would really help me and another addict out!", "answer": "Watch stand up comedy. Watch a funny TV show. Read a book. Listen to an audiobook. Play favorite songs to sing and/or dance to. Write down what I'm feeling. Go to the library. Take a walk in a pretty neighborhood or cool part of town. Declutter. Go to the gym and hit the heavy bag. Take a bike ride. Do some stretching or yoga or whatever type of physical activity doesn't sound completely miserable. Take care of something around the house that you would feel better having done, like cleaning, rearranging furniture, organizing, or making some repair. Make lasagna or whatever easy, delicious thing you like.  \n\nWhen I am thinking about things to fill my time with, I try to choose something that will make me feel better about having done, even if it isn't always something I necessarily *want* to do. If I can't do that, then I'll just do things I want to do, like scroll reddit, even though I know I'll probably feel worse afterwards. Sometimes just distracting ourselves from using is an accomplishment.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "du0xo0", "comment_id": "f70pfnw"}, {"question": "Have I had a psychotic break?", "description": "Probably a stupid question, but this ol\u2019 brain isn\u2019t what she used to be. My psychiatrist is treating me for psychotic depression- and she suspects there may be some underlying schizophrenia do to my family history. I have had hallucinations- auditory and visual, for months if not years (long story). Yet I figured that a psychotic break was more along the lines of a nervous breakdown; which I did have 20 years ago, but nothing like that since. I meant the ask the doctor about this but I completely forgot. This is probably one of those things where \u201cif you need to ask, you probably haven\u2019t\u201d.", "answer": "No idea without knowing you - when I first read it I thought about a trauma history maybe than a psychotic depression. Youll know better than me! Have you always recognised the hallucinations etc as a symptom of illness or did you ever feel it was unquestionably reality?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "d5ic15", "comment_id": "f0m1y32"}, {"question": "How should I handle an angry, alcoholic Father?", "description": "I am 31 and just getting over a breakup with a long term girlfriend. Long story short, I've been working through some addiction issues that cost me my fiancee, and have been forced to move back in with my father as I'm not currently employed. The good news is I've recently finished a degree in nursing, and all I have left to do is take and pass the state licensing exam.\n\nThe problem is my father is a big drinker. There's no physical violence, but he becomes angry, bitter, and resentful of me whenever he drinks. Not only has this made my own sobriety more difficult to maintain, but his constant threats to 'kick me out' leave me feeling scared and alone. Because of this, it has become practically impossible for me to study since I'm wracked with anxiety and panic attacks. I wake up thinking is today the day that I'm going to become homeless?\n\nI need some practical advice on how to manage both my dad and my own financial/mental well-being. Should I just focus on getting any kind of work to move out as soon as possible? Should I wait it out and try to pass the test after studying for 3-4 more weeks? Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "You need to find more appropriate living conditions. Easier said than done, I bet.\n\nIf you have struggled with alcohol dependence, have you thought about medication to maintain sobriety (disulfiram) + support?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5jvh14", "comment_id": "dbje645"}, {"question": "How to know when to end a relationship? [28/M] and [27/F]", "description": "After a fight and making up with your SO, how do you differentiate between temporary pushed away (feeling burnt out and almost soul less like feelings) to permanent unsalvageable broken feelings (I.e. needing to break things off with your SO).\n\nIs it a good idea to ask for space? For context , I feel emotionally unstable with regards to my relationship. Feeling burnt out from fighting so much and constantly not living up to my SO's expectations. What to do?\n\nAlso, another question is how do you differentiate general depression from relationship issues?", "answer": "couples counseling will help; always do this before a break up [abuse aside]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vbi4d", "comment_id": "de0qesx"}, {"question": "Advice regarding lethargy and lack of sex drive while taking fluoxetine", "description": "This post is regarding my fiancee who is as follows:\n-    age: 24\n-    sex: female\n-    height: around 160cm\n-    weight: around 73kg\n-    race: white british\n-    duration of complaint: 1-2 years\n-    location: England, UK\n-    medical issues: OCD\n-    Current Medications: fluoxetine (20mg daily), Cilest contraceptive pill\n\nMy fiancee has been taking fluoxetine for about 2 years or so to treat her OCD and it has been working very effectively during this time to effectively eliminate intrusive thoughts and anxiety resulting from them. However during this time she has experienced lethargy and a lack of sex drive.\n\nBefore taking the medication we were relatively sexually active, having some form of sexual contact on an at-least weekly basis. Since taking fluoxetine this has reduced in frequency to around once a month or less. We had a talk about it last night and she says she very very rarely feels any interest in sex and doesn't feel sexual desire almost at all. Before taking the medication she recalled feeling sexual desire and a desire to engage in some form of sexual activity on a more regular basis.\n\nIn addition over the past 2 years she has felt more lethargic and unmotivated to get out of bed. She has recently quit her job and moved in with me (in January this year) and has been struggling to find the motivation to get out of bed and apply for jobs. \n\nWe are looking for a solution to this problem and will be talking with her doctor about it but I wanted to ask a more broad community of medical professionals for their opinion on a solution. Do you think another SSRI medication might effectively treat her OCD without inducing these side effects? Or that she might benefit from a reduced dose of fluoxetine? Any other suggestions for us?\n", "answer": "Other SSRIs might not have these side effects. There are also non\\-SSRI options for anxiety. Bupropion \\(Wellbutrin\\) has an undeserved bad reputation for anxiety, but it's a fine medication and doesn't have sexual side effects and almost never causes lethargy, for example. There are many options.\n\nSometimes it works to have a \"drug holiday\" where you don't take an SSRI on the weekend, for example, to give libido a chance to recover. That's probably less effective for lethargy, and it's also unlikely to work with fluoxetine because its half\\-life is so long.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8jurjm", "comment_id": "dz3seg4"}, {"question": "Living with a non adhd partner during shelter in place/quarantine. How are you and your spouse not killing each other?!", "description": "Omgggg as if having Adhd and being Married to a non adhd partner isn\u2019t  challenging enough under normal circumstances, doing it while cooped up together during this covid stuff  is excruciating \ud83d\ude02 I\u2019m so so fucking bored and restless and it\u2019s so hard for us both being home all day cause usually he\u2019s at work all day and Im usually working too and then out doing social stuff/hobbies afterward but now we are both home almost 24/7 and I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND \ud83e\udd2c and I can tell he is too he can\u2019t take my messiness or restlessness and bouncing around doing projects and he\u2019s constantly complaining about everything I do and honestly I\u2019m fucking just LIVING IN MY OWN HOUSE and I just feel so frustrated by his constant bitching and nitpicking and just making me feel like I\u2019m such an idiot and we are both constantly losing our tempers with each other and saying HORRIBLE things to each other. and it\u2019s so fucking hard not being able to get away from each other \ud83d\ude2d it\u2019s making me hate my husband. \n\nI can tell we are at our absolute wits end with each other and everyday the shelter in place and social distancing orders are being extended I can see horrible destructive marriage patterns (that we worked so hard to fix in counseling\ud83d\ude2d) coming back into play (Like the parent child dynamic and me just walking on eggshells and constantly fighting about chores) and then destructive adhd patterns that I have worked really hard to manage over the years are (impulse buying and extreme messiness and starting but not finishing project etc) slipping a little due to the lack of structure and stress and I know that\u2019s just going to make this worse and I just don\u2019t know what to do or how to live together during this time. \n\nI\u2019m starting to think maybe Carole Baskins was on to something and I\u2019m wondering where the hell can I get a tiger cause I\u2019m worried I honestly can\u2019t take much more of this.", "answer": "I could have written this. My god I get you.\n\nHe said to me tonight \"god you've just been so fucking difficult this afternoon\". I didn't even ask him why because I CANNOT HEAR YOU TELL ME I'M SHIT ONE MORE TIME. I know why I've been difficult. Because I want to throw myself through the window for some fucking stimulation. Him sitting around being pissed at me for being pissed is not making me less pissed!!!!!!! \n\nI don't even know what to do. I need to start going for a run but MOTIVATION. Ugh let me know if you figure it out. I would love the advice lol", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "fv7kev", "comment_id": "fmhh6ba"}, {"question": "Day 9 of Marijuana Cessation", "description": "Hi all, so I came across this page after googling Marijuana withdrawal. This is around my 10th time trying to give up after around 6-7 years of daily use. The longest I have gone is around 7 months.\n\nI just wanted to ask a quick question - does anyone have any trouble with constipation? I eat a vegetarian diet heavy in fiber (beans, bananas, LSA, leafy greens.) and exercise nearly daily. My exercise is predominantly cardio so I'm eating a lot of pasta.\n\nThanks in advance.\n\nI've been finding that there has been a definite effect on my bowel movements. I'm a heavy user so the first few days were ok - then around day 3 or 4 I didn't pass stool. Then on Sunday I drank a whole lot of water and went about 3 or 4 times in the space of 3 hours.\n\nSince then I haven't gone until now (lots of hard small stool).\n\nHas anyone else experience this issue?", "answer": "Yep! I'm in day 11 myself and I still am not pooping regularly. The first few days I didn't poop at all, but with exercise and lots of water, fiber foods, and stretching it's getting better", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "4o0y90", "comment_id": "d48p148"}, {"question": "Should I be concerned", "description": "Serious question.\nI\u2019m 17 M currently starting my last year of highschool. I have reacurring dreams of committing mass murder and fantasise about torture. Over my time at school I\u2019ve been called cold hearted and heartless, my friends say I don\u2019t have emotions, when isis became relevant videos of their executions would be passed around while others looked away I laughed this also true with other violent scenes in movies I.e. church scene kings man which I find funny while others don\u2019t. People at my school are scared of me. \nI\u2019m just writing down what I can think of but should I be concerned?", "answer": "I think seeing a mental health provider would be good and could help your sort this out. You could speak confidentially about what is happening to you AS LONG AS your dreams are dreams and you aren\u2019t planning to kill anybody. However before disclosing this information talk to the provider about how they see their mandated reporting and tarasoff duties. Because while most good clinicians recognize thoughts and dreams are just that- inexperienced providers might freak and report you. However it seems like you\u2019re concerned enough that you\u2019re curious and open to feedback from others which I think speaks to the fact that you do have feeling in there. There\u2019s a good reason you are the way you are and it might be worth it to see what those reasons are. Take care!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7p70zs", "comment_id": "dseysyv"}, {"question": "Had to cancel my birthday party", "description": "my 21st birthday is coming up and since it is so close to Halloween I had the idea to have a Halloween themed pregame/party with friends at my apartment on campus. I was anxious about even creating an event on Facebook and putting myself out there, but even more anxious when another friend received my invite then decided to make her party the same day and same theme, then invited the same friends who said no to mine and yes to hers. So that stung a lot. Then friends from other groups started dropping out....one even claimed she wasn\u2019t coming because \u201cmy party threw a wrench in her plans to go to happy hour\u201d. I had a panic attack, I cancelled the party and Facebook event. My friends are completely unsympathetic. I don\u2019t want to act like a brat, but I have always put so much effort into parties for friends. Just last week I hosted a friends party at my apartment and spent about $100 on decor and food and alcohol. However, when it comes time for my birthday my friends do nothing....last year they didn\u2019t even wake me up for dinner at our sorority house so I didn\u2019t get a birthday meal. I just feel like I put so much effort in for them, but then when I even plan my whole entire party for them they don\u2019t even bother showing up. I have major depression and borderline personality disorder so any small slight or rejection feels like a huge slap in the face. I don\u2019t know what to do. I am sorry for the length of this I just needed to rant and I am so suicidal. If I confront them about this I\u2019m terrified they will call me a brat or be angry with me. Once again sorry for the rant I am so upset", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry! Your friends sound awful. I really hope you have a happy birthday!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "dkpxpr", "comment_id": "f4im5e6"}, {"question": "Women: Do you find yourself in dangerous situations more than your friends?", "description": "What I am going to say here is a very delicate issue and will mostly apply to women but I think it may also happen with men.\n\nI don't have so much trouble socializing as most aspies so I like to go to parties to dance.. but even though I've learned how to behave socially I often find myself in dangerous situations because I can't tell if someone has bad intentions with me or not.\n\nIf I am at a party, for example, I talk and dance with to whoever comes to talk to me because I think they are just being friendly and I don't want to be seen as rude because it makes me loose friends. But then all of a sudden I see myself in an abusive situation and don't know how to get out or even if I really should get out or am overreacting or interpreting things wrong! I just never see it coming, can't tell who is being friendly and who wants to harm me, while my friends usually can take better care of themselves.\n\nHas anyone ever had this kind of problem and overcame it or have any advices? This causes me so much trouble", "answer": "One of the best strategies is to stay with a friend or group of friends that you trust and who ideally has a greater capacity to judge people's intentions. You can also explicitly ask your friends to look out for you. Being in a group or pair dissuades people who would see you as an easier target if you were alone and it also means you can rely on your friend(s) to assess the intentions of the people who approach. Of course it can be a challenge to build friendships like this. Even if your friends are not with you, you can also get in the habit of describing a person's behavior and getting your friends' opinions early on.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "guab0w", "comment_id": "fshqq99"}, {"question": "I\u2019m obese, but have been told by a mental health team and my doctor to stop losing weight. I don\u2019t agree. I am being helped in dealing with an eating disorder, but feel like the \u201ctreatment\u201d is tailored towards underweight/normal weight people, and they all aren\u2019t considering my context. Am I wrong?", "description": "Female. In my 20s. 177cm. 97kg (214lbs). Diabetic type 2 and hypertension, but both managed with lifestyle now and don\u2019t need meds for them. I take escitalopram 20mg. Been on and off other anxiety meds lately - I stop them due to fear of weight gain. \n\nLost 60kg (132lbs) since July, most of it since August through quite severe calorie restriction. Recently started purging too. Yada yada yada. I know I have an eating disorder, and I am trying to get help. \n\nBut the thing is, my doctor sent me to a mental health team for help (I didn\u2019t get much of a choice but wasn\u2019t too against it, I wanted help for my anxiety more but they are focused on my eating). Initially saw a psychiatrist, diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa (atypical coz I\u2019m obese obviously). \n\nAfter seeing the psychiatrist, I went back to my gp and she told me that they said I needed to stop losing and maintain my weight. They didn\u2019t mention this to me and I was confused. \n\nAnyway, I see a psychologist there every week now. He said last time with the therapy and treatment, the aim is for me not to lose or gain, but maintain the weight.\n\nI just don\u2019t get it. I\u2019m still overweight by a lot. Which is unhealthy. Isn\u2019t it wrong of them to not want me to lose weight? I know I\u2019ve been doing it in an unhealthy way and my mental heath isn\u2019t great, but can\u2019t I work on this with their help and still lose weight in a healthy way at the same time? I really do not want to stop losing weight for any amount of time. And I\u2019m not underweight. I need to lose weight. \n\nI have a feeling this is their standard treatment for people with eating disorders. But for someone like me who is overweight, shouldn\u2019t it be altered to support healthy weight loss still? Or am I wrong?\n\nThe psychologist also said something about \u201cset weight\u201d and many factors can influence a weight range normal for each individual, and I might be in mine. But that sounds crazy to me. They want me to stay obese? I\u2019ve been obese my entire life, and I\u2019ve only started doing something about it last year. I\u2019ve been able to come off various meds and my blood tests were great (recent). I\u2019m not dying or anything from this \u201c eating disorder\u201d, so I also feel a bit dumb getting help. But at the same time I do want help to stop some of the behaviours I\u2019m doing and the obsessive food and calories stuff. \n\nBut basically, are they going about this the wrong way? Or am I wrong?\n\nAny insight helpful, especially from any medical professionals or people with experience in these areas.\n\nEdited to add: Thanks for all the comments, I do appreciate people taking them time to comment. Part of me knows you\u2019re all correct, just another part of me is struggling to accept this and finding it hard. I have an appointment at the place with the psychologist today, and an appointment with my GP in a few days, so I may voice my concerns so they\u2019re aware.", "answer": "Others have covered this well, but I want to reiterate: having a particular BMI, even if it is higher than recommended, is a potential long-term problem. That increases the likelihood of health problems eventually. Extreme caloric restriction and especially purging are acute problems. They can kill you now.\n\nIt makes sense that the first intervention is to try to manage your eating disorder, because without that everything else is like trying to manage high blood pressure while you are on fire. Your weight is not the right priority because it's not the high-risk, high-acuity problem you face. You say you're not dying or anything from this eating disorder; the problem is that you can start dying *very quickly.*\n\nIt makes sense to address your eating disorder first, and then potentially address healthy and sustainable weight loss later if necessary.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fcastk", "comment_id": "fj9vt4q"}, {"question": "Is it normal for an obese person exercising to experience chest pain or is something wrong with me?", "description": "24, male, 6'3, 405 pounds, and white. I went for a walk today and decided to some light jogging for at least 2 minutes. After I did this though I was out of breath in pain in my chest and top of my head. It has subsided since then but I am worried if there is something wrong with me or is this normal and expected for an obese person exercising", "answer": "No chest pain is normal. Youve basically given yourself an exercise tolerance test, and failed.\n\nGo see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fydhn", "comment_id": "dao0d9t"}, {"question": "Why are people so mean?", "description": "I made just one post on a subreddit about how I missed the old ways of a game I play. I was given comments of \"this is spam\", \"nobody cares\", and even people asking me why I'm so desperate for karma. I'm hurt by these people. Not even one person left anything nice to say, I even defended myself, so I hit them back, my post got removed for \"harrassment\". I see all these great people on reddit, with wonderful ideas, that even I have myself. Why is it when I try to contribute, that I'm the bad guy? Most importantly, how do I deal with rejection from the reddit community?", "answer": "Contribute more positive things. \n\nComplaining about things is easy, so a lot of people do it, but it rarely contributes anything good or useful. \n\nFor some reason, on the internet, there's a perception among some that if you genuinely enjoy something, it renders you vulnerable. That it's \"smarter\" or somehow better to hate on things because that elevates you above those things. Maybe it gives some insecure people a sense of control, I don't know. \n\nHeck, I wish I knew why there is so much negativity on the internet. I suspect it has to do with real-world frustrations boiling over and people are looking for an outlet. unfortunately many lack the perspective to realize that a year, a month, even a day from now their complaints will not matter; the only thing it did was make the internet a slightly more unpleasant place. \n\nPositive contributions on the other hand, those DO matter. Imagine holding a conversation with someone else who enjoys the things you enjoy, and you can talk about how much joy those things brought you - this brings even more joy into the world as you recall it. \n\nI'm sorry you got a negative reaction. Please don't stop bringing positive things to the conversation. The world sorely needs that.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8kg2y", "comment_id": "esoi2v8"}, {"question": "Why do I have a headache every day of my life?", "description": "Every day, without fail, I wake up with a headache and it\u2019s always in the same place - the base of my neck and skull. I should add that I also live with constant neck pain and the two are consistent with one another. No amount of Tylenol, Ibuprofen, or Excedrin helps to relieve the pain.  I am absolutely miserable.  \n\nI\u2019m a 22 year old female with no underlying health conditions. I recently had an x-ray done on my neck and everything looked normal. So if it\u2019s not bone related, what could it be? \n\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Chronic daily headache is a diagnosis, and an unpleasant one to live with. You can talk to your primary care doctor about it. If he or she is stumped, neurology has headache specialists that may be able to help you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fsg3ml", "comment_id": "fm1ciew"}, {"question": "Can steroid nasal sprays make a cold go worse?", "description": "Hey everyone. Around two weeks ago I was diagnosed with hypertrophy of the nasal turbinates and I was sent to use a steroid nasal spray two times a day. About ten days ago I caught a cold and I not only can\u2019t get rid of it but it seems to be getting worse. I keep having more and more mucus, first it was first in my nose, now it has gone to my throat, which has started to hurt. I\u2019m blowing my nose all the time reaching the point my head hurts too. I don\u2019t have fever or anything, but I\u2019m having real hard time sleeping because I can\u2019t breath properly and my throat keeps itching, so daily routine has been a struggle. I even took a day off believing I maybe just needed to rest a bit \u2013 what did work when I had colds in the past \u2013 but I just keep getting worse.\n\nI usually catch colds at the season's change, but  it has never been this bad. It\u2019s showing no signs of leaving soon and i\u2019m wondering if maybe the nasal spray has something to do and if I should cut the treatment for some days or something? I think it\u2019s relevant to say I have no allergies of any kind. \n\nINFO: female, 24 y/o, caucasian, 53kg, 1.65cm, the pain\u2019s been going on for almost 10 days, in my face, throat and ears, meds: steroid nasal spray and birth control.", "answer": "I advice you to contact the prescriber of the spray and ask them. It is theoretically possible. But 19 days is a bit long for a cold and you have a lot of discomfort from it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bdd53z", "comment_id": "ekxjys7"}, {"question": "Is it safe to stay up after taking melatonin?", "description": "In my school a lot of kids are getting sick, and earlier today I started getting body aches and headaches, and ~12 hours ago I got the chills and a bad stomach ache. also have mild diarrhea.\n\nAnywho, I took 2 500 mcgs of melatonin (1 mg) 2 hours ago and I still don\u2019t feel in the slightest bit tired. Is it safe to stay up, or should I try taking more? Thanks in advance", "answer": "It's safe not to sleep after taking melatonin. The purpose of melatonin is to help you feel tired and ready to sleep, mostly by augmenting or replacing the hormone signaling of your circadian rhythm. It doesn't work anything like sedative-hypnotics (sleeping pills). Although it's a fine distinction, I would say melatonin acts less to make you tired and more to make you less awake. It helps you be ready to sleep, but it doesn't force you to sleep, if that makes sense. The effect is better for times when your schedule is disrupted from what it would naturally be, whether that's jet lag, work schedule, or just too many bright lights at night; it's not so good for when you're not sleeping well because you're sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ifqt2", "comment_id": "e6jv0lz"}, {"question": "Identity", "description": "I'm a 31 year old in the middle of an identity crisis. I'm confused whether to be the person other people (or person) want(s) me to be..the person I know I've always been, or something different..they are constantly colliding with one another and none of them make sense. Advice would be welcome..I am at a loss. ", "answer": "It's such a hard situation to be in.  I imagine you're afraid of losing some loved ones if you decide to be exactly who you are rather than what they want.  Sadly, you'll never be happy if you live your life trying to live up to others expectations and not being true to yourself.  I've worked with plenty in therapy on this subject.  Some were LGBT and in the closet, others wanted to give up their family's religion or go against cultural traditions, others just wanted to focus on their own goals rather than what their family's expectations of them were.  You can do it and start focusing on yourself.  Prepare for some resistance from your loved ones as they may try to make a big thing out of it in order to \"get you back\".  In the long run, the people that are worth having in your life (that you actually have a healthy relationship with) will stick around.  Others you may have to put some distance between you and them, whether you're family, whether you love them or not.  Being true to yourself will be the only way to live a happy life.  \n\nHope this helps.  Let me know if you have any follow up questions or can give any additional information.  \n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sbomt", "comment_id": "dlbqgq0"}, {"question": "[male, age:18] I am a shy, socially awkward nerd who finds it hard to make friends with girls. AMA or give me some advice please.", "description": "I couldn't find a good sub-Reddit so I came here. So here is me story ever since I was in elementary school i found it hard to make friends because I was constantly shunned by the other kids. So I spent my recesses by myself drawing or getting picked last in a game of soccer. I didn't have any good friends so I filled my life with nerdy stuff like comics, video games and star wars to help fill a void. Then came high school where I made friends with other guys who like stuff I like. I had a hard time making friends with girls that I could hang out with outside of school. There was this one cute brown haired girl in the school that I knew had a big crush on me and I had a huge crush on her as well, but because I was to nervous to talk to her I never made the move. When prom came around I heard from other students no one wanted to take her to the prom and she went alone. I wanted to ask her out to prom but never had the guts and I didn't even go to prom either.\n\nI felt bad and now almost a year after high school I still have shitty social skills and I would like to start dating someone but I feel like I am not good enough. My life is boring I sit around at home listen to rock and roll play video games, draw and go to metal concerts. I often ask myself \"what girl is going to like you? \" I need some help with my tactics on how to meet girls. Sorry about my grammar I'm bad with words.", "answer": "I mean, there's two separate issues.\n\nThere's the part where you don't have good social skills. That's relatively easy -- just study and practice, and you'll get better. This subreddit is a great place to start, as is [Improve Your Social Skills](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com) or this [online social skills group](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/online-social-skills-training-group).\n\nThe second part is harder though. That's the part where you don't feel \"good enough.\" Even if you become AWESOME at social skills, if you still don't feel good about yourself, you will continue to struggle. Fortunately, there's hope for that. I strongly encourage you to seek out a counselor and talk about some of the struggles that you are having. A counselor would help you understand and accept yourself better, and will also give you guidance for getting better at social skills.\n\nSo tl;dr: Read up on social skills, and practice what you learn. In addition, see a counselor and talk through some of your feelings, so you can accept yourself better.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "18jdoe", "comment_id": "c8fcl2x"}, {"question": "May I be infected of Tuberculosis?", "description": "Long story short: I met a girl online, we meet and we liked each other. We were really close all night, but no contact a part from cordial kisses on hello and goodbye. She agreed on going to my place but when we were leaving the bar (which casually was full of friends of mine, it's like our bar, and she talked closely to some guys and girls from my circle) she told me about her mother having tuberculosis, being on the hospital since september. Then she told me she and her sister were on preventive treatment. EDIT: Both, her sister and her are infected too, (I mean, TB is inside them but is not showing symptoms) I understood treatment is to prevent it to get bigger.\n\n​\n\nWith my Ninja google skills I did a quick search. Damn, TB is air transmited. I entered on panic mode, DEFCON 1, my friends and I were on danger. Luckily a friend called me and I said her it was an emergency we should postpone our bed time.\n\n​\n\nShould I check myself? Should my friends check themselves?\n\n​\n\nI mean, I know I'm a bit paranoid right now, TB is now kinda on control and may never present symtoms, but I don't want inside me something that can put in danger those I love.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nExcuse me if I've been non-respectful with something. I'm just kinda afraid.", "answer": "Seems like you're probably more worried than you need to be. Her mother is the one infected, not her, and she is on some kind of medication to prevent or treat it anyway and likely has been for a month. The chances of infection aren't knowable, but since she said nothing about being infected, and the infection is likely suppressed by antibiotics if she were, I don't think you were at risk.\n\nIf you will be worried you can get a test done in a couple of months, but even if it comes back positive I would be inclined to suspect chance contact on the street rather than someone who is likely getting close attention from doctors for TB exposure already.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rz7vz", "comment_id": "e8kuek4"}, {"question": "[24/M] My good friend and coworker [28/F] is in a long-term relationship, but told me she has feelings for me", "description": "A couple months ago my good friend and coworker admitted to me that she has feelings for me. She's been dating her boyfriend for several years, who I'm also good friends with. We've known each other for about 2 years.\n\nWhile I knew I had felt similar feelings over the course of our friendship, I never gave them much thought because she always seemed happy in her relationship. She still does. However, after she told me, my feelings intensified immensely. We've talked about this, but she's made it clear that nothing can happen, despite our mutual connection. And I would never do anything to jeopardize her relationship.\n\nI tried keeping my distance for a few weeks, but this simply made me miserable. It's also pretty difficult to accomplish because we see each other everyday at work. And when I'm with her, I'm constantly reminded of why I feel so strongly for her and why I can't be with her, which sends me spiraling into a self-pitying depression. On top of all that, I regularly feel guilty because I'm close with her boyfriend.\n\nI don't know how to maintain our friendship, work with her, and move on at the same time. Any advice on what to do?", "answer": "Her: \"Let me tell you about this thing that could happen that I won't let happen. Isn't it meaningful??\"\n\nStay away, duder. She doesn't know what she's doing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lye3l", "comment_id": "djxjspz"}, {"question": "I'm drinking and feeling impulsive", "description": "I'm lonely. I had a super lonely birthday filled with hating myself and crying for hours. I'm so tempted to meet up with my sociopath friend and suck his dick for a distraction/for validation/to not be alone. My housemate/very innocent ex who helps me survive would be very hurt by my actions.  I don't know what to do. My friend has been sending me very suggestive messages and I feel so tempted because I hate myself so much and can't stand being alone.. ", "answer": "Masturbate? Self sooth in other ways. Treat yo self, dont treat someone else ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7s8z6v", "comment_id": "dt31aom"}, {"question": "Help blurry vision after ovarian drilling? Normal or not?", "description": "My vision is weirdly terrible today I had ovarian drilling Thursday, is this normal? I am only taking Ibproffun and tylenol", "answer": "Definitely ask your doctor about this. I don't think it is normal.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3vkls8", "comment_id": "cxoiot9"}, {"question": "Can I get water intoxication from drinking beer?", "description": "One of my buddies and I run a YouTube channel and he came up with this idea of drinking 24 beers (8 L), as fast as possible. Obviously it is a horrible idea and would result in excessive projectile vometing, but is it safe?\n\nMy main concern is water intoxication. I have seen people hit pretty hard from it during practice and such, and as far as I know it can even be lethal. But in all those cases, the people getting it was pushing their bodies to the limit while drinking huge amounts of water. \n\nCan you only get water intoxication from drinking pure water without any form of additives, or do you get it from drinking to much liquid in any form? \n\nIf my physical form means anything for the outcome, I am 192cm / 6ft 3\", 80kg / 176 lbs and in pretty good shape. I do not take any kind of medication or drugs. ", "answer": "Your concern is water intoxication?\n\nHow about severe alcohol intoxication leading to profound medical harm?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "573i2j", "comment_id": "d8p7fr7"}, {"question": "Do therapists \"have it together\"?", "description": "*this is a light question*\n\nLOL, therapists are mysterious people. I don't really know anything about mine, except what I can infer about them from our sessions.\n\n...\n\nMy problem is that I never really think I \"have it together\".\n\nIn our sessions, I always complain about not \"having it together\". My therapist uses the CBT model and helps me build and maintain a routine so I feel like I am more on top of things, though I've never actually felt truly on top of *everything*.\n\n...\n\nSo I'm wondering if \"having it together\" all the time ... is even possible. Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n\nSince therapists help most of their clients \"get it together\", I kind of assume they know how to regulate their mood and be on top of things and keep things together in their own lives. If anyone feels like they're on top of things, it must be the therapist!\n\nSo that's the question:\n\n* Are there people out there who feel content and confident and put together and adequate most of the time?\n* Do therapists feel like they're on top of things in their own lives, for the most part?\n* Is \"having it together\" and being on top of things even attainable?\n\n*otherwise, I feel silly going in every week and telling my therapist how I don't feel like I am on top of everything lol*", "answer": "I think that many people drawn to the mental healthcare field have some personal experience with mental health. As a therapist, I have known other therapists who have active addictions or problematic personality issues and definitely do not have it together. I don't know what they are like as therapists and how that affects their patients directly. \nAs for myself I certainly have days where I feel tired and could use a vacation, and don't really think of myself in terms of \"on top of things\" or not... but overall I do feel like I have good relationships, am in touch with my emotions, and I am content overall.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geqkb3", "comment_id": "fppoe10"}, {"question": "I think something is wrong with my mind", "description": " My personal info: \n\n* Age: 18\n* Sex: Male\n* Height: 5'6.5\"\n* Weight: 140 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 3 months\n* Location (Geographic and on body): SC, Mind/Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): none\n* Current medications (if any): None\n\n​\n\nI've been recently having trouble with my mind; when i am typing or verbally spelling a word i can perfectly recall in my mind how to spell it, but when verbally spelling or (non verbally) typing out the word i will either misspell the word or spell another word entirely without fail.\n\nI have also recently developed a problem with my attention: any small distraction will drag my attention away from what i'm doing and lead me down a rabbit hole of distraction till i can reign in my mind again some odd 15 minutes or longer after. \n\nI had a mental exam done on myself to check if i have any pertinent conditions and the only thing that of importance that was brought up by the lady who tested me was that my Mental Recall is above average on all tests. So i don't understand why this is happening.\n\nWhat's wrong with my head?", "answer": "Can you tell me more about the circumstances under which the problem started? Any stress at school/work/home? Any traumatic events in your history? Family history of epilepsy or psychiatric problems?\n\nEver been tested for ADHD/Autism? Prone to anxiety or phobias? How do you feel during the 15 minutes, any sweating, tingling, pounding heart etc?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b70tgw", "comment_id": "ejoufa4"}, {"question": "10 year old son prescribed Trileptal,never had a seizure?", "description": "MY son has \"ADHD\" (who doesn't anymore?) and so has been given two separate medications (first one, then another) to try and improve his attention in school. Since trying both, he has actually fared worse in school, and so I have told his doctor I do not wish to continue giving them to him. PArt of the reason for this is looking into these two medications: Trileptal and Wellbutrin. From what I can gather looking up the uses of these medications, they are used, respectively, for treatment of seizures (my son has never had one, nor been diagnosed with a condition that would cause one) and depression (My son has never been diagnosed with depression either) My question is why either of these might have been prescribed for the treatment of ADHD? It seems strange to me that these would be given, and has given me doubts about taking the advice of doctors at face. Can anyone please explain what may be going on here?", "answer": "They're not bad choices, but it would be interesting to know why the the usual ones (Ritalin etc) werent considered.\n\nRemember that any medication may have multiple uses.\n\nADHD has surprisingly high prevalence rates, though its difficult to say whether its overtreated in North America or undertreated in Europe.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54j1c2", "comment_id": "d82estt"}, {"question": "I (19M) need help with my girlfriend(18F)", "description": "She has pretty bad anxiety and has never coped well with it. She used to cut for a short time, tried things like plucking hairs out and some other stuff I can't remember right now. Point is, no good stuff. All of this was before we started dating, now she's making herself throw up. It was pretty bad(at least once a day, usually twice) but since I've found out she's been able to suppress it to about once a week unless something really triggers her anxiety and I'm not there to help take her mind off it(example, she's had company over for the past 2 days and I haven't really been able to see her and she threw up twice yesterday and once tonight) but prior to that it had been about a week and a half since she had done it last(we had a fight). So, I guess I'm here to ask if anyone knows what to do, if someone else has been in the same situation(mine or my girlfriend's), or just what helps you guys cope with severe anxiety. Please help if you can, it's killing me to see her hurt herself like this.\n\nTl;dr Girlfriend has severe anxiety and is making herself throw up which apparently helps. What can I do to help/what can I do?\n\nAlso if this doesn't belong in this subreddit, where does it? I also posted it on Anxiety.", "answer": "find her a great therapist.  psychologytoday.com has a directory", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aihmz", "comment_id": "dhf5twp"}, {"question": "Girlfriend encourages me to get dog. Put her off for 2 years. Decide it's time. Get Dog. She hates dog, wants to rehome her.", "description": "So for the past 2 years, my girlfriend of 3 years has wanted a dog. I kind of wanted one too, but knew it was a big responsibility and said it wasn't the right time; we both have full time jobs, full time lives, etc. She'd bring it up once a month though, without fail, often weekly, sometimes daily. She'd spend her time researching dogs, or find some puppies in our area, or she say it's time to talk about it again, we could change this, we could do that, etc.\n\nAbout a month ago, our best friends (her best friend is engaged to my best friend) got a dog, and we figured it was a good time for us too, she could drop her hours and I can work Flexi-time hours now. So we take the plunge. Viewed some pups.\n\nBreeders were great, mother was great, pup came up to us, really took a shine to us, we fell in love. \n\nOr at least I did. Five days later my girlfriend tells me she's not enjoying it. She doesn't know why, it's harder than she thought it would be and she hates herself for not enjoying it.\n\nI tell her it's just temporary, to stay positive. We're on day 8 now, and she says she can't do it any more, that we should rehome her. I don't know what to do. This poor little dog is amazing. So well behaved, we've been so lucky. I've already taught her how to sit, stay and she follows me round everywhere. If we were forced to give her away it would break my heart, and I feel like I wouldn't be able to not blame my girlfriend. I feel like she's not tried, that she has been extremely irresponsible, and honesty, it's made me worry for the future. I saw this woman as the person I'd marry and have children with. Our puppy factored into this future, she was supposed to grow up with our kids, whenever that happened. And now she's ripped it away, when she was the one to suggest it. I'm really upset and angry at her. She asked me if I'd still be with her if we gave the dog away, and I said \"I don't know\". She pressed me for an answer and I said \"right now, no.\". We fell out and she's stormed out the house.\n\nI just want to do what's right for the puppy, and need advice really. I can't talk to any of her mates, as they're her mates too, and she doesn't want to tell them yet. I can't talk to my family, as I don't want them to have a negative opinion of her if she changes her mind. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I was supposed to see my friends earlier but I've stayed at home as I know they're gonna ask me how it's going with the dog and I'm gonna have to lie to them.\n\nShe says what are we going to tell people, and I think the only way forward is to end the relationship, lose my girlfriend and lose my dog in one swoop. I can't look after her on my own, it's not fair on her. We've been so strong, I wasn't expecting this at all. We wouldn't have gotten a dog if we were on the rocks. I was going to propose within a year or so. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated.", "answer": "Giving the dog up or breaking up with the GF seems a bit much. This may be harsh, but I'm reading this feeling like you didn't plan well, and at the first sign of trouble you're both willing to bolt. Have some tenacity, man. You two will go through tougher things than this, and you can't just be bolting every time there's a bump.\n\nHonestly it seems like you two didn't plan this out terribly well beyond visiting some breeders. There's a huge difference in raising a puppy if you have extras like a fenced yard, the ability to pop home quick, flexibility at work, and so on. Sure, a dog can be raised in a lot of environments, but these things can make a huge difference in how difficult it feels. Sadly, many can't be changed now. You probably should have gotten an adult dog, who would be lower-maintenance, but it's too late for that as well.\n\nI'm sure there are things you can try. Get a dog walker just once or twice a week to help. Bribe some friends to stop by once a week to let pupper out. If the dog is having troubles (peeing indoors, chewing, whatever), look up solutions. I\"m not clear on what's annoying your GF to begin with.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "4qmnlu", "comment_id": "d4u7mki"}, {"question": "Therapist warning me against medications", "description": "Basically what the title says. She thinks that it can be cured through physical activity and exercise, which I won't deny, but it's too hard, given my memories of being bullied in sports. She warned me of side effects, and that it might change my behaviour. She said that there are some side effects of medication which I should expect. She also mentioned that one of her earlier patients couldn't function without medication. If he didn't have his medication around he'd feel anxious.\n\nWhat was your experience with meds?", "answer": "Exercise is great, and really helps, but medication can help too.   I\u2019ve found medication to be helpful.    Sometime these illnesses have to be treated that way because certain interventions can only do so much.  I\u2019ve taken meds for years and they\u2019ve really helped.  Just make sure you consult with a psychiatrist and find something that works for you.   Educate yourself about medication so you have a good understanding of it.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9yhr54", "comment_id": "ea1e9ye"}, {"question": "I want to become a surgeon, but can I?", "description": "I'm a senior in high school (17) with a 3.2 GPA and 23 ACT. I really want to become a surgeon of some sort but I'm not sure if I have what it takes. I'm very determined but I currently know almost nothing in the field. Is it already to late?\n\n[Solved] I will still look at any further advice people have to give. I think I mostly know where to go from here so thanks for all of the help!", "answer": "You don't need to know much to be a surgeon ;)\n\nOnly joking! Look, if people knew what they wanted to do and how to do it, we wouldn't need universities in the first place. If you want to be a medical doctor, then persue it, and work out what you wish to specialise in as you go along. Medicine is extremely varied and each specialty needs very different characteristics, so you might find that its surgery or something completely different that becomes your vocation.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5f6g78", "comment_id": "daht9o2"}, {"question": "I'm [19/f] am head over heels for this guy [20/m] who is sending mixed signals. Other opinions please?", "description": "I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months. We originally matched on Tinder back in November, followed each other on Instagram, and did not really talk any more after that, until he randomly messaged me asking for my Snapchat username and asked if I wanted to hang out/have a photoshoot (he models) that weekend, and I never followed up until afterwards, and claimed to be too busy two times after. He is extremely attractive and I felt out of my league, so I did not feel comfortable initially, and we continued to talk and I came to realize how much we have in common. He seemed genuinely interested in me and even made me a mixtape, and I eventually caved into his request to hanging out with he and his friends. He said we could meet prior to going with his friends because he knows I have anxiety (something I did not recall disclosing to him) which I thought was very sweet. He lives in another city for school, and visits my city every weekend.\nHe asked to get lunch, I took forever to respond because I was incredibly nervous getting ready, and he waited patiently and didn't eat despite him being \"starving.\" I picked him up (he doesn't have a car), and we got takeout and went to my place. I was not sure if it was a date because we split the check, although he chose to get two dishes and split them, however he made sure they were vegan for me. We hung out at my place for a bit and he seemed very curious about me, asking many questions and hanging out. He and his best friend partake in hosting an event at a local church, which is where he took me. He shares the same religious and political views I do, which is something rare to come across where we live. He introduced me to everyone as his friends, which is fair of course, but it made me uncertain as to whether or not it was a date. Afterwards, we went to his best friend's house with his girlfriend and hung out with his friend's parents. We watched movies and eventually we ended up cuddling, and his friend kept implying that we had a thing in a sense. After his friend and his girlfriend went to sleep, we decided to take a drive, and we went in the back seat and just cuddled, listened to music, and we had deep talks until 4am, so we decided to just go back to my place. He slept over, we cuddled all night, but he put off kissing me until the next morning. He hung out for about 2 hours, then his friend picked him up, he sent a follow-up text saying it was great meeting me, then later he called me asking if he could spend the night so his friend wouldn't have to drive him the next morning to the bus, which I agreed to.\nAfter that weekend, he started acting more \"hard to get,\" in the same sense I did before. That Thursday, he texted me that his friend was coming to my city in the next 10 minutes and he asked if I wanted to hang out, and I told him I was hanging out with my friends and invited him, to which he agreed. He met them and was very kind and personable, and he spent the night again, and we began to become intimate, although I abstained from oral, which he wanted to perform on me, and he was polite about it. \nThe next morning we were making out for a few hours, I lost track of time, and I nearly missed an appointment I had, and while I was rushing, he offered to come with me, park my car during my appointment to avoid me having to worry about finding parking, rather than leaving. He paid for my car parking, and after my appointment he wanted to get coffee and go to a breakfast place I had mentioned (split bill again.) When we went back to my place, I asked what he wanted to do, and he offered two options, both involving meeting with friends and bringing me. We ended up back at his best friends, it went very well again, and he slept over. When I took him to the bus the next morning, he wanted to grab a coffee, so he just ran in while I was in the car and he came back with one for me the way I like it, which I never had in front of him.\nHe was sad he was unable to come up two weekends ago with finals, so he wanted me to pick him up when we both finished that Wednesday, and if I were to come he'd drive us back. So we did, and he slept over again. The next morning, we had sex the first time, though it was not forced, he has never begged. We slept in and his best friend had called him saying he was picking him up, so we finished after his friend had even got there, so he had to rush out afterwards, for which he apologized. That night he invited me to come over to his friends again, though they were all drunk, but I know we would not hook up if I were to have gone. The next day he invited me over there again, and we hung out with his friend's parents again, and I think they think I'm \"a very nice girl.\" They even visited my home town and my family's business this week, and his best friend, along with his best friend's brother and father, followed me on Instagram and invited me to their family's Easter. He is very attentive to what I have to say when we are hanging out with his friends and is affectionate towards me in front of them. We went back to his place, watched movies, told stories, and ended up having sex for 3 hours until I had to take him to the airport. I took him to coffee again, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied no, but he came back with my favorite pastry I mentioned the night before. He kissed me goodbye, and ever since he went to his family's we have had minimal contact. The most we have talked was today, which was mostly just about sex and how we are going to when he gets back. He has since updated his Tinder bio, removing the part saying that he is only looking for friends, which concerns me. He has not ever told me he likes me, and I feel as though I am getting clearer signals from his best friend and his family than I am from him, although I know his friend's family is friends with my guy's family, which is a good sign. While I know it is very early, I am concerned as to why we have such minimal contact and why he is still on Tinder after having been intimate and now that I am \"in\" with his \"clique.\" I know this sounds like the most millennial relationship scenario, for which I apologize, it is just a very complicated era for relationships. I have never felt this way towards anyone so soon, I truly feel as though he could be the one, I have never had so much in common and all the same goals in life with another person. Lastly, if it is your thing, he is a Scorpio and I am a Cancer.", "answer": "The best way to clarify mixed signals is to be very direct. Ask him what he feels and what he wants.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "62dl90", "comment_id": "dflp58w"}, {"question": "Drug interaction", "description": "Hello,\nI have a question regarding a anxiety combo. I am prescribed 10mg/day Adderall IR. I have anxious feelings while taking it. A fellow student of mine suggested taking 10mg/day propranolol to diminish the symptoms. Would there be any concern for hypertensive crisis with the low therapeutic dose? \nAge:26\nMale\n5'11\"\n193\nWhite\nNo previous medical problems\n\n", "answer": "No. Propranolol is a beta blocker and would reduce blood pressure. You may be thinkking of the concern for unopposed alpha\\-adrenergic stimulation when giving beta blockers to someone taking cocaine, but cocaine works through different mechanisms than amphetamine.\n\nI hope you intend to talk to your doctor instead of just taking someone else's propranolol, though. Extra meds are something important for the doctor to know for safety  and anxiety is something that he or she would be better able to help you with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8milqs", "comment_id": "dznve17"}, {"question": "I've tried Effexor, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin with zero effect. Help.", "description": "I've taken each for at least 3 weeks with zero effect. The doc said I should feel something within 2 weeks. I feel like I'm beyond help at this point. I'm worried that I'll never be happy and I'm failing my wife and kids.\n\nHas anyone experience this? Is 2 weeks too short? I'm about to stop my wellbutrin - should I keep going? Feeling really stuck.", "answer": "2 weeks is too short to declare the medication ineffective. It can take up to 6-8 weeks to have any noticeable positive effect. But even if none of those medications work for you, there are SO many more. There are several other SSRIs (the class of medication that Effexor and Lexapro belong to). There are tetracyclics, tricyclics, and MAOIs--these are all types of antidepressants. And of course there's therapy.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3uq89n", "comment_id": "cxh10mv"}, {"question": "Update from 2 years ago.", "description": "Currently 26 year-old female. \n\n2 years ago I posted in this group and some nice people responded. If anyone cares for an update!\n\nAfter my post I ended up going to the hospital where they admitted me as I went into septic shock. I was hospitalized for weeks. My lung had collapsed and I was on oxygen. After spending 10 months in and out of doctors offices I was diagnosed with lupus. For two years I have been bedridden. I was suppose to start law school that fall that I was diagnosed. I went from working 80 hours a week to not being able to sit up without pain. \n\nRight before this virus I was finally working again (only part time unfortunately), feeling a bit better, getting stronger, being able to exercise more etc. \nI hope I get through the next few months virus free so I can keep trying to get my life back. \n\nThanks so much for your help docs!", "answer": "Thank you for the update. As is always the case with medical updates, I'll lock it. Good luck to you in your recovery!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "frmu50", "comment_id": "flx6ugm"}, {"question": "I can't seem to find a \"self help\" workbook", "description": "There aren't many out there and the ones I'm finding have less than desirable reviews. I'm frustrated and trying to get better and I'm hoping someone out there might have a good recommendation? ", "answer": "I like Calming the Emotional Storm.  \n It's DBT lite with very accessible and simple methods. It's not everything but it's a good one to read multiple times. I think other programs like Seeking Safety and rape recovery manuals do a great job of getting the emotional intensity and desperation accurate. \n\nCalming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608820874/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_5jMVxbK9QPJ8N\n\n", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4zfzh7", "comment_id": "d6vma7k"}, {"question": "Is there any truth to \"face your fears\" or is that just a trope?", "description": "Specifically, is recovery or remission possible if one consciously and deliberately exposes themselves to their triggers or confronts their avoidance behaviors? ", "answer": "There are a number of evidence based therapies for PTSD.  Prolonged Exposure uses the face your fears method.  It works pretty well except many can't or won't tolerate it.  There is also Cognitive Processing Therapy which has two variations one with some exposure plus cognitive restructuring (learning new ways to think about your thinking) and the other with just the restructuring.  Both work pretty well.  I saw a journal article recently discussing how Interpersonal Therapy, which has no exposure component and mostly deals with relationships was just as effective a treatment as PE.  So it seems that there are a few paths that are helpful at least and not all include facing fears directly but some do.  Best to work with a qualified specialist therapist as none of these are standard therapies an average therapist can offer.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2zejry", "comment_id": "cpijkys"}, {"question": "Trying to figure out what I'm looking at in a chest MRI", "description": "Hello,\n\nI'm 26/F, 138lbs and recently had an MRI done of my brain, cervical and thoracic spine after seeing my neurologist for tingling in my back and recurring headaches that last for days. I received the disc of the images and went to review them briefly before my appointment. I noticed a spot in my lungs on my thorax view that has me concerned, but I'm hoping I might get an opinion before I see my doctor again. I'd like to walk in prepared. \nI'm a current smoker of nearly 10 years and daily take Dexedrine 60mg spaced and Bupropion 150mg. Anything helps. Thanks!\n\nLung MRI https://imgur.com/gallery/I1CD7\n", "answer": "I am not a radiologist, and I haven't spent a much time looking at MRIs recently. There's a lot of artifact there\u2014that kind of zebra pattern around the edges\u2014and the lungs themselves look smudgy rather than sharp all over.\n\nThat might be a sequence I'm even less used to than most, or it might be a low-quality study for some reason. Either way, nothing jumps out as abnormal to me, keeping in mind that thoracic MRI is definitely not my area of expertise. But your doctor (or the radiologist) knows a lot more, and they have more than just one slice to look at. Bring up your concerns, but I wouldn't worry too much about it beforehand.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "890qmb", "comment_id": "dwotm3v"}, {"question": "Metformin and HSG test", "description": "I take metformin twice a day and am scheduled to have an hsg test on Wednesday. I know that you are not supposed to take Metformin before having the test because it interferes with the dye. I asked my doctor if I should stop the metformin before the test and he said no. This sounds really weird to me. I have no issues with kidneys and no pass reactions with dyes. What are your experiences with this? Should I call doctor again?", "answer": "are you talking about a hysterosalpingogram? I'm not a doctor but I did look at uptodate (a resource docs often use) and it doesn't say anything about needing to stop metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3t01bh", "comment_id": "cx2ujja"}, {"question": "Suffering with chronic abdominal pain, doctors won\u2019t help at all. Please help!", "description": "Age: 18\nSex: F\nHeight: 5\u20192\nWeight: 100lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of complaint: A few months\nLocation: Around my belly button which is my previous surgical site from when I had an ileostomy as an infant\nExisting medical issues: Crohn\u2019s disease, and a pinching/pulling pain in my abdomen (mentioned above)\nCurrent medications: Effexor 150 mg daily.\n\nI\u2019d just like to add that I\u2019ve been to multiple doctors and they\u2019ve all dismissed my pain. I think it could be adhesions from my previous surgery\u2019s as an infant. No one believes it because they can\u2019t actually see them without going in. No one wants to operate on me and I\u2019m at a loss. One doctor mentioned that it looked like my family was \u201cdoctor shopping\u201d which is not the truth at all. We just want an answer so I can have my quality of life back. Can you suggest what it could be or what I can do? I\u2019m lost, and I can\u2019t live like this forever.\n\nThank you, \n            Sydney Toscano \n\n\n", "answer": "Adhesions from a procedure done when you were an infant are unlikely to suddenly start causing pain almost two decades later. If you have Crohn's you probably have a gastroenterologist. What did he/she say?\n\nI would be very careful of exploratory surgery to try to find the source of pain. All too often it finds no source but causes adhesions, and then you have another reason for pain and can end up caught in a cycle of surgeries to repair the damage of the previous surgeries.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aq1cnb", "comment_id": "egcqo4g"}, {"question": "I lost an incredible chance for a better future because my abusive parent threatened to make me homeless", "description": "I'm the child of a narcissistic single mother. I have dealt with a lot of hardships throughout my life because of her. She yells frequently. She is irrational. She literally thinks that I was born to serve her.\n\nShe once made me homeless because I turned on the air conditioning in the summer heat when she didn't want it on. But I'm not here to talk about that.\n\nI am now 26 years old and I finally graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science this past January. Programming is my passion. My grades are great, but it took a little longer than usual to get my degree, largely due to my circumstances.\n\nSince I graduated, I was forced to move out of my dorm and back in with my mother. I have been applying to jobs, and trying to escape. It hasn't been easy to get to the final round interviews.\n\nA top tier company (think google-level competitive) gave me an opportunity for a final interview. I was suppose to catch the flight today for that interview. However, I made the mistake of telling my mother about it, and she objected. She said I would not be allowed back in the house if I went for that interview. Her reasoning was, I could catch the coronavirus from traveling, and if I returned home I would infect her. Part of me thinks she did this to prevent me from becoming independent. Being homeless is absolutely hell and I can't do that again, so I gave up a once in a life time opportunity.\n\nI have to write an email to HR saying why I couldn't make the interview. I don't know what to do.", "answer": "Take a deep breath. You need to explain to HR that you had to miss your flight. Be honest, but leave out the personal details. I would just say that you had a family emergency, you are fine, but you either a) may have to reschedule and catch a different flight, or b) will not be able to fly out, and ask for a phone or video-call interview. If you are able to call them instead of emailing, that may be preferable as it is more urgent and time-sensitive.\n\nThen, evaluate your options. Would you be able to stay in a motel/hotel/airbnb for a few days while you interview? Are you prepared to find an apartment or other living situation close to the job you're interviewing for, on relatively short notice?\n\nRegardless, do not let this opportunity slip by. If the interview goes well, you may be able to get the company to assist you in finding an apartment if you explain that your family emergency is threatening your living situation.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "fb0hr9", "comment_id": "fj1nbp7"}, {"question": "Sexually unfulfilled, feeling trapped. Considering divorce.", "description": "Throw away account. I\u2019m a 31, female, and I\u2019ve been married to my husband for four years. We\u2019ve been together for 8 years. No kids; own a condo. I\u2019m in a pickle and I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m considering divorce because I feel I\u2019ve hit a wall. \n\nI care about my husband a great deal. He\u2019s a good person and he\u2019s smart and funny. He cares about me and is invested in the marriage. The problem for me is my attraction to him and our sex life. The sex has always been a problem. He\u2019s obese and has always been overweight. I\u2019m not. It is uncomfortable for me and I bleed. I am not turned on by him or excited to be intimate. In fact, I avoid it. I dread it. I've cried during it.\n\nLeading up to our engagement he had been a regular at the gym for many months, had reduced his beer consumption a great deal and he was cultivating healthier habits. He was losing a lot of weight and looked great. I told him I was proud of him and encouraged him with positive feedback. After our engagement, he stopped going to the gym and has gained back all (if not more of) the weight. He has fallen into his old habits: drinking a lot and poor portion control. I\u2019ve encouraged him to change these habits. Thankfully, he did quit smoking cigarettes--for which I had encouraged him and praised him for--but he smokes weed almost on a daily basis. I\u2019ve tried to encourage him to get back to the gym (go with me, I\u2019ll say), I\u2019ve encouraged him to cut back on the beer consumption and to watch his calorie intake. No dice. He constantly has the intention of losing weight, but doesn\u2019t do anything about it. I told him it\u2019s not about being skinny, it\u2019s about being healthy. It\u2019s gotten to the point, I feel, where my \u201cencouragement\u201d has turned to nagging.\n\nOwning a house, I felt it was important to have life insurance. I was approved for life insurance and he was not approved because of his weight. At that point, I basically forced his hand and said that he needed to see a nutritionist. I feel resentful. He led me to think, leading up to being engaged, that he was on track with his life and making good, healthy choices about his weight only to stop and return to old habits. He saw a nutritionist for a few months and now, he has stopped going. He still doesn\u2019t have life insurance. This makes me feel that I\u2019m financially fucked if he has a heart attack, aneurysm, or stroke and dies. He\u2019s covered financially if I die. I\u2019m not. \n\nNo, he\u2019s not depressed or dealing with mental illness. He has been overweight his entire life. I\u2019ve come to think he\u2019s happy with being overweight. He\u2019s said, \u201cAll the skinny people in my family are assholes.\u201d Part of his identity, he\u2019s said, is being a \u201cfluffy guy\u201d. I mean, if he\u2019s happy about being that way, then I really shouldn\u2019t encourage him to change himself...I guess?\n\nBack to the sex part. He\u2019s never gotten me off with oral (I\u2019ve never gotten off from it--by anyone). He\u2019s not very skilled when it comes to sex. Hell, maybe I\u2019m not either. We both never really slept around very much in our college days, but I have no problem pleasing him sexually (he says as much. In fact, he loves having sex with me). Sex with him is painful and, frankly, boring. I am able to get myself to climax through masturbation with no problem at all. It\u2019s gotten to the point where I\u2019ll just masturbate and not even want him to participate because it\u2019s just easier for me to do it myself. I\u2019ve tried communicating to him about what I like, to no avail. I thought I was asexual during the years we dated because I just wasn\u2019t interested in having sex. Now that I\u2019m 31, I\u2019m realizing I just never had *good* sex so I was never able to really explore and figure myself out. To top this all off, I\u2019ve come to realize that I\u2019d like to have sex with women. I\u2019m not gay, but I believe sexuality is on a spectrum and it\u2019s a desire I have, but he is not comfortable with me doing that. I\u2019m feeling resentful because he says he\u2019s sexually satisfied. He climaxes just about every single time we\u2019re intimate. I don\u2019t. I don\u2019t even climax half the time. It got to the point where, several years ago, I suggested we see a sex therapist--or some kind of professional to help us out. He refused and said they would only tell us to have sex on a more frequent basis. Only this past winter did he finally agree when I was at my wit\u2019s end and had nagged him enough about it that he felt our marriage was enough on the rocks and he finally agreed to go.\n\nThe counseling isn\u2019t helping our sex life. My husband says that I need to change my attitude and that we just need to keep communicating and working on it. I\u2019m tired. I feel having been a nag about so many things, and his unwillingness (or lack of desire) to work on his health, has impacted my attraction to him. I don\u2019t like to nag, I don\u2019t like being that person. I suggested opening up the marriage and he doesn\u2019t want to do that. He just says we need to keep working on things. Keep working on things means that I am continuing to be sexually unfulfilled while he is sexually fulfilled. \n\nI feel the way I have come to view him is that of a friend. I care about him, but I don\u2019t have the desire to be intimate with him. And isn\u2019t that the only line that distinguishes a friend from a lover: someone you want to fuck vs. not?  I don\u2019t want to hurt him, but I feel trapped. And if you don\u2019t want to fuck your spouse, then what the hell are you doing? \n\nTL;DR--been married for 4 years, together for 8. Not attracted to obese husband. No sex life, sexually unfulfilled despite several routes taken including counseling. Considering divorce. \n\nThank you for any thoughts you might have.\n\nEdit: Can someone explain why this was downvoted to zero points? Am I missing something? I'm obviously not here to collect karma points, but to get thoughts and suggestions from others, but I'm just confused. Is this not the right sub for this question/situation...or what?", "answer": "Sounds like you've thought it through and come to a reasonable conclusion. He's not going to change.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6vsdv2", "comment_id": "dm2p7th"}, {"question": "Haven't left the house in 2 years.", "description": "Highschool - great student, bright future \n\nCollege - had a little too much fun, did weed, lost all interest in studying and thought doing a 9-5 job was for sad people, eventually dropped out. Wasted a lot of money\n\nMoved back home, got really depressed when reality hit. Have been ever since. Can't face anyone. Haven't talked to any of my friends. Parents have tried to get me out of the house but I threaten them with suicide. And it's not an empty threat, I really would commit suicide than face anyone. \n\nMy mom loves me so much and it kills me to have been a disappointment. And she still loves me. Which makes me even more of a disappointment. And she still fucking loves me. I just can't understand how could someone love someone so much even though they've been nothing but a disappointment to them. They had really high hopes from me and I've absolutely killed all of them. \n\nI've never been a hard worker. I don't do well in competition. I'd much rather help the other person win. But winners probably don't need help from losers. In my current situation I am completely useless. All I do is be a big disappointment. Along with me I'm even making my mom depressed. She's too nice to show it. I try to keep my room closed so that they don't have to look at me. They keep knocking but I don't answer. I have no answers. \"how are you?\" \"have you given more thought about fucking doing something with your fucking life you miserable piece of burden shit!?\" They're usually politer but I still have no answers.\n\nI tried to hang a couple times but couldn't go through with it. I can't even bear the minor discomfort for 2 minutes. But one of these days..\n\n\n\n", "answer": "Your depression contains a really large amount of shame and self loathing.  It seems clear that you'd benefit from psychotherapy and/or medication.   If you won't leave the house, you might consider teletherapy?  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ogbxq", "comment_id": "cvxtber"}, {"question": "New job, advice from MH workers?", "description": "*first post* I just got a new job as a Support Worker for the mentally ill. I've done support work before but with youth and this is going to be extremely different. Can anyone give me a little heads up on what is expected? I have some idea but I was rushed into it and not too sure what is expected from me. I start my induction tomorrow, what am I too expect? Thank you. ", "answer": "What type of facility will you be working at? What population?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4r1uaj", "comment_id": "d4xllt3"}, {"question": "Friend-zoned after 6 years", "description": "I've dated the same girl for six years. We were both each others first and ive always envisioned spending the rest of my life with this girl. A few months ago she told me that shes feeling more like a friend to me. She suggested we should go on a break. I resisted and told her we should try and work it out. About a week ago she said she was still feeling the same so i agreed to the break. \nShe told me that she doesnt want to feel this way and she always sees us together, and  believe her. The break is only for a week and we say goodnight everynight. \nFirst, has this type of break ever worked for you? And second, is there something i should be doing to help this work?", "answer": "Having been on the other side of your situation, I agree with the other comments: this is a break up. Your best bet is to insist on a total ban on communication--it will either result in her realizing what she's giving up or it will ensure you get a head start on healing. Don't torture yourself by trying to be friends (not right away). It DOES NOT WORK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "o4ivd", "comment_id": "c3eb5bp"}, {"question": "My wife hates me and I feel like I should just do everyone a favor and just dissapear.", "description": "I have a beautiful little girl with this women. I was sober for a little over a year and things were going good untill a family vacation at the beach. There was alcohol all around me and I just gave up fighting. She looks so fucking drained of this and I see it everyday in her face. I feel like I should just leave and let her be happy but at the same time I feel like it will be the nail in my coffin. I would leave if I knew it was the best for our family. Its killing me little by little everyday and I just can bear this pain anymore. I feel like I'm worthless.", "answer": "GO TO TREATMENT!!! Give it everything you have there and live the life you want to be living and be the person you want to be. Be patient with your recovery; it takes time. There is help, and you CAN get this!!!!", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cm1n8o", "comment_id": "evzthon"}, {"question": "I have to keep checking my sexuality?", "description": "I am a male in America. For some reason, I have some sort of need to keep checking my sexuality. \n\nI identify as straight, but I have to keep watching gay porn or thinking graphic homosexual thoughts to \"test\" myself to make sure I am not aroused by them. I used to be terrified of turning gay a few years ago, so I would watch gay porn, feel satisfied because I thought it was gross, and then feel good for a few months. \n\nNow I have to check myself 5-6 times a day, and I deal with intrusive thoughts constantly. I'm stuck in a thought pattern of \"what if I'm not letting myself get aroused\" and I have to check again and again.\n\nI keep thinking I'm going to lose control and start kissing men which is very distressing to me, because why would I have these thoughts if they didn't mean anything? I am also afraid of making eye contact with men, standing too close to men, talking to men for too long, and so on.\n\nDo I have OCD or am I just going through a questioning my sexuality phase?", "answer": "Best to talk to a therapist about this, especially if the behaviors associated with checking are having a negative impact on your life.  \n\nIt might really be worth unpacking what your fear of being gay means to you.  People don't \"turn gay\".  You're either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, both, fall somewhere on the continuum, or choose not to conform to gender binaries and labels at all and just be attracted to whoever you're attracted to regardless of sex and/or gender identity.  \n\n\nWho someone is or isn't attracted to has absolutely no impact on whether they are a good person or not.  \n\n\nMy guess, If you'd love yourself and be okay with yourself no matter what your sexual orientation was, you wouldn't even give this a second thought.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8i78gc", "comment_id": "dypp3in"}, {"question": "What would your 'dream' inpatient psych ward look like if you could be in charge of everything?", "description": "I have seen posts/comments from people stating they were at a inpatient psych ward, and the staff treated them like crap (were mean, or condescending, etc), it was like a prison, over all a horrible experience, stupid rules, strip search, no phones, etc. \n\nSo I was wondering, if you were in charge, and could create a wonderful psych ward, what would it look like?  What kind of staff would you have, what would they do, what would they say, how would they act, etc?  What kind of rules would you have for the patients and staff, if any?  What kind of routine for the patients would you set up, if any (ex: get up at certain time, meal time, activity, participation, computers/phones, bed time?)?  What would the actual ward look like (rooms, activities available, tv room, etc)?  How would the process work (would you have 1:1 therapy, and/or groups, would you have certain activities available, visitors, computers/phones, etc)?  What would the admission procedure look like (Ex: would the patient be searched, vital signs, street clothing versus hospital clothing, would you allow patients to \"be committed\" against their wishes, different wards for different diagnoses or same ward for all?)?.  Any criteria for discharge (ex: can they all leave whenever they want, with or without outpatient services in place?)  Any other details that you can think of.  \n\nWould love to hear your ideas about how you think an inpatient psych ward should be run, and how it would all work effectively, what could be done to make it a good experience for ALL kinds of patients, and have the patient be ready for discharge in a healthier state than before they arrived.", "answer": "Oh this will be fun. I work at an inpatient facility and have worked at a few over the years.\n\nHere's what my desire type of facility would look like (note, mental health side only, not substance abuse):\n\n1. Separate involuntary versus voluntary admissions. Generally this will do some separation of diagnosis (those who are deemed incompetent obviously can't consent to treatment, so this would be like acute psychosis, manic episode, absolutely refuses consent to treatment for some reason, etc.). Lots of people who struggle with a high level of depression or anxiety will generally at some point consent to treatment voluntarily. Not sure if I would want forensic cases, but if I did, they would stay on the involuntary side.\n2. Staff to patient ratios are BIG. My desired ratios: 3:1 patient/tech, 4:1 patient/nurse, 5:1 patient/psychiatrist, therapist, discharge planner. That way staff aren't getting overwhelmed with numbers and can focus on the quality of their service.\n3. In terms of services, I would like to see 1 med management daily, 1 individual therapy daily, 4-5 group therapy daily, 1 discharge planning meeting daily, and at least 1-2 family meetings per stay.  Involuntary unit would likely have 1-2 less groups due to general lower level of functioning.\n4. For unit layout, the voluntary unit would likely have a few more things that the involuntary unit. NO COMPUTERS. I've seen that and it's a nightmare. TVs are fine. Some video game systems are fine. A couple of wall unit phones on unit are fine. Voluntary unit would have access to an outside area with maybe a basketball court, some tables and chairs, and maybe a couple other outside games. Involuntary unit would get an outside sitting area. I'm a big proponent of outside time. I'd like to see a quiet area on the unit that's a little more sequestered away from the main day-room areas that clients can go when they start to feel overwhelmed by sensory input. We could avoid some seclusion orders with that. 2 seclusion/restraint rooms on involuntary unit, 1 seclusion/restraint room on voluntary unit. No more than 2 clients assigned to a bed room. Involuntary unit gets 2-3 single occupancy rooms, voluntary unit gets 1.\n5. For admissions procedures, I'd give everyone who first comes in hospital scrubs to wear, and then once they've seen the psychiatrist they can get any appropriate street clothes they have. I'd rather have an airport full body type scanner than having to strip search somebody after they change, although we would lose the ability to see some important things on a client's body (self-harm, major scars/surgery stuff, weight, skin, etc.) They would then enter a secluded area to be assessed before coming onto the unit.\n6. Discharge planning will include step-down levels of care when at all possible. I think a personal \"hand off\" of records would be super nice to outpatient providers. A client would be eligible for discharge when everyone (psychiatrist, nurse, therapist, and discharge planner) are in agreement that client is improved and would be safe. Staff would meet once per day together after seeing everyone to discuss their thoughts on discharges. \n7. One big thing I'd like to include is educational seminars for families of admitted clients so that they can feel more prepared to help with client concerns once they discharge to a lower level of care. Obviously this would be with client consent. Could offer a meeting once per day, maybe after a visitation session, that families could go to to ask questions or get information. Incorporating a client's support system into treatment and discharge decreases inpatient readmissions.\n\nThat's all I can think of for now. If I have anymore ideas I may add them!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f4f2df", "comment_id": "fhq8z5a"}, {"question": "irrational fear of dating. how do i get over this?", "description": "i\u2019m 22 and i have an irrational fear of dating or even talking to men i\u2019m attracted to. i consider myself a combo of introvert/extrovert, as i have no problem being outgoing with my friends or people i\u2019m not attracted to. \n\nbut that\u2019s completely different when it comes to boys? i\u2019ve never dated, confessed attraction, or even kissed a guy and i\u2019m starting to think it\u2019s an issue with me. in fact, sometimes i go out of my way to avoid men i\u2019m attracted to \n\ni grew up in a muslim household with a lot of restrictions. i couldn\u2019t hang out with boys and i was not allowed to date under any circumstances. as i get older, i am pretty much forced to find a husband as soon as possible to fit my moms standards: some of which i don\u2019t agree with ... like:\n\n- my mom refuses to have my date anyone who isn\u2019t a muslim\n- she highly encourages me to only date arabs\n- they must have a good job/make as much money as me. i am studying to be a lawyer. one time i told her i was going on a date with an arab muslim, and when i said he was a nursing major she told me she would never accept him. it was the first. date. \n- she wants me to get engaged within a very short time period from when i meet the guy. \n\ni honestly think that my moms perception of love and marriage really is taking a toll on my love life. this is also difficult for me because i have secretly left islam and i don\u2019t believe in the rule of dating strictly muslims (obviously). i can\u2019t tell her i\u2019ve left islam. how do i address this?", "answer": "This doesn't sound irrational at all.  Dating means a lot more serious implications given your culture than it does for us non-religious folks.  \n\n\nIt sounds like although you don't agree with your mother's beliefs, you haven't decided whether or not you wish to rebel against them and face the backlash.  \n\n\nI'm sure you've asked yourself a million times, \"What would happen if I dated a non-muslim?\"  \"What would happen if I dated a non-Arab?\"  etc.  \n\n\nThe truth is you don't really know but could make some educated guesses how your family would react on the spectrum of \"eh.... no big deal\" to completely disowning you.  \n\n\nDating in and of itself is very stressful and you only feel less stress the more you do it.  Dating while being part of a culture with so many restrictions exponentially increases the stress, especially if casual dating/casual sex is forbidden or frowned upon.  If this is the case and you plan to stay true to your culture and faith (or keep up the fa\u00e7ade), dating essentially means that you have to find the perfect or best person for you before even initiating the dating process (which in and of itself I'd argue is nearly impossible.)\n\n\nOne of my very best friends in the world comes from a Muslim family who emigrated to the states from India just before he was born.  He was the rebel in his family.  He didn't believe in organized religion as a whole and didn't live according to the rules set by his parent's interpretation of their faith.  For a very long time his parents distanced themselves from him and he did the same with them, despite their family being pretty close.  He married a non-Muslim white girl.  It took his parents forever to come around to the idea but eventually they did.  He knew that if he didn't do what he wanted to do and also be honest about his life with his parents (while also not trying to rub it in their faces unnecessarily) he wouldn't be happy.  \n\n\nOn the other hand, I have worked with many clients whose families followed through on their threats of disowning them, and they haven't spoken to them since.  As sad as most of them are, many believe they're living happier lives living how they want and simply live with the hope their family will come around.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ec6agm", "comment_id": "fbb1t5h"}, {"question": "Is this it? My onset of Schizophrenia.", "description": "So I am a 27 year old male over the last 8 months or so life has been meh but that is what it is, the thing that really shakes me is my recent developments in thinking and perceiving things.\n\nI was hospitalized for the first time in my life in late August for a suicide attempt and ever since being in there things have been weird my innermonolouge seems to 2 separate beings both of them are clearly me but one is very bossy and judgmental and it talks over my other thought process. It is specifically loud when it is being talked or typed about, even as I write this it is in asking \"Why the fuck are you doing that?\" along with this I have tactical hallucinations that are bug like and a false numbness that dissipates the second I touch the spot i perceive as numb. Long story short I am afraid of developing some sort of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder. I don't feel paranoid or deluded and I do have other mental illnesses that may or may not be able to cause such things. (OCD, BPD, Agoraphobia, GAD, MDD, and suicidal ideation) Obviously I am talking to my shrink about this and Im not just going online for help but I think hearing the perspective of someone suffering from such a thing may help me understand my personal situation better.\n\nThoughts? Comments?", "answer": "First, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm only tangential to mental health professionals at best. \n    \nThat being said, I don't think it's likely to be schizophrenia. Most males don't develop it this late in life. If you were 21-23, I would say it was much more likely. You said you were diagnosed with MDD. That can come with psychotic features. Or, after your hospitalization, your anxiety could be amplified because you don't want to be like the people you were in the hospital with. \n    \nJust keep talking to your doctor, and hopefully they'll be able to come up with an adequate treatment plan. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1uty51", "comment_id": "cem376a"}, {"question": "Brother dying of liver failure. Questions on life expectancy.", "description": "My brother is in the hospital with liver failure due to alcohol. His MELD is 38. He is 46 years old and he seems to think that he can survive this. While I admire his courage, I understand this is fatal. But I cannot understand how long he has left with a MELD of 38. I have heard 2 days, I have heard a year...... Any help is greatly appreciated.  \nI know no one can tell me the day he will die... duh. But may something more specific than 2 days to a year? I need to know how much time I have with my brother, so I can make the most of it.   \nThank you all from the bottom of my heart.  \n\n* 42\n* M\n* 6 2\n* 160\n* W\n* 6 Years\n* liver\n* meld 38, cirrhosis, rapid weight loss, jaundice, paracentesis, pancreatitis\n* dialysis and pain meds", "answer": "Getting an answer from the team involved is he best answer. Based on MELD, he has about a one in five chance of surviving 90 days.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c8pfkv", "comment_id": "esotey4"}, {"question": "I am [16M] crazy for a girl [17F] I've talked to for about 2 minutes and is a year older than me, how do i get rid of this?", "description": "I am 16 years old and in my 11th year in high school. Before this I have never felt special about someone, never had a girlfriend or any friends that are girls for that matter. In one of my classes this year there is this girl (17) who is very popular, very attractive, funny, and caring. I am shy and don't talk to many people, especially girls. \n\n\nWe have talked once when we were assigned to a group together for the hour. It wasn't a real converstaion, just agreeing with each other and the other members of our group. She is a year older than me and is way out of my leauge. I can't find the courage to say anything to her and it would lead to nothing anyway. The class also ends next week because of the semester so after this week I will be even more lost.\n\n\nI have never felt this way about anyone and I need to know how to make it go away. I think about her all the time to the point were it saddens me knowing I will never even talk to her. I know for a fact that I will never say anything to her because im too shy and have no experience, especially with someone like her. I just want this feeling to go away, thanks for the advice.\n  \n  ---   \n tl;dr - I am shy/quiet, and obsessed with girl who is older and better looking than me, never really talked to her. How do i get rid of the feelings. Thanks", "answer": "in the long run, you don't really want your feelings to go away because it shows that for the first time you are feeling SOMETHING, which is  beautiful.  usually, becoming a romantic individual starts with this kind of longing from afar....a crush.   so you either take a chance, and ask her out, or if you really feel that she wouldn't go out, then relish the fact that you're having sweet feelings, and use that experience to talk more to girls. you'll get there my friend.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ofklq", "comment_id": "dciyonl"}, {"question": "I keep having the urge to kill myself.", "description": "I have an okay life. Nothing great, nothing too crazy, just... okay. But in the past few months, I've started to have these constant urges to kill myself. \n\nI've kind of stopped caring about school and I've been to about 4 of my classes in the past month. I have this nagging feeling that my future is not going to turn out well, despite my parents constantly telling me that \"everything will work out.\" Life is speeding up. I waste like 75% of my waking hours playing video games with my friends. Days and weeks are starting to blend together. I'll pretty much be dead in what seems like an instant anyway.\n\nI'm not really sad like I was a few months ago (thanks to my good friend Prozac), but I feel empty a lot of the time. I don't really value myself or my life, and I feel like this might be one of my main problems. \n\nMultiple times per day, I feel this wave come over me and I think \"Well, I should just kill myself.\" It seems so alluring, especially if my future turns to shit because I can't get my lazy ass to even attempt to fix any of the problems I have.\n\nI probably won't even do it. But sometimes the call of death is so sensual, so beautiful, so freeing, that it'll most likely always be in the back of my mind.", "answer": "Please go see a therapist and remember there are people who love and care about you. If oh get urges to act on your thoughts please call 911. You c an also use 8002738255 or text 741.741 for help in a mental health crisis. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hf7o2", "comment_id": "dqqjxoa"}, {"question": "How to spot a gentleman?", "description": "Me and my best friend Allison are both single. I have been in several relationships and so did she. However, none of our relationships have lasted longer than 6 months due to the fact that all of the guys turned out to be total pricks. Now we are both wondering how to exactly notice if someone is a real gentleman or if he fakes for the first months so he can hop into bed with you. Please help us with your opinions so we don't need to waste our times on assholes!\n\nThanks so much in advance for your support!", "answer": "  I would go VERY slowly in relationships. This alone will weed out some of the jerks. Ask LOTS of questions over the first few months. Know their history, their needs, their wants, their expectations...... People who will hurt you have 'red flags' in their histories that will emerge if you ask the right questions. There are hidden gems out there. You have to be patient, and selective, and not needy about finding someone.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63a87i", "comment_id": "dfshw5o"}, {"question": "First post here, thinking of quitting, wondering if DBT might help?", "description": "I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, so weed helps with freak outs, but I'd love to quit. I wonder if DBT might assist in this, I've heard 'radical acceptance' is a part of DBT and it seems like that could help. Any thoughts or people with BPD in a similar boat?", "answer": "You'd have better luck in the bpd subreddit. I frequent there, am a mental health professional, and I have BPD. I doubt many here will be aware of it as much. \n\nIt does talk about refrain from all substance use though ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "6lx71j", "comment_id": "djxazxu"}, {"question": "Insurance Won't Cover Therapist; Am I Screwed?", "description": "God, I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this - if there's a better one, please direct me to it.\n\nAfter years of failing to find a therapist in my town that would work with me, I finally found someone who clicks and she's been helpful in steering me towards methods that manage my anxiety and depression. Great, right? But she's not in my insurance network and I had assumed I had some out of network coverage options, because I took my employer's word without double checking myself.\n\nTurns out I don't. Just says \"NOT COVERED\" on any out-of-network providers.\n\nCurrently I pay $150 out of pocket per session and I see her weekly, but $600 a month is starting to drain and I'm having anxiety attacks over budgeting. I plan on speaking with her next time about sliding scale (which I feel like I'm insultingly cheap for asking about) but other than that, am I just out of options? It's either asking her to change her rate or nothing?", "answer": "Is she in a private practice? If so, my guess is she won't be adjusting the fee :/  If you see a therapist at an agency or community mental health center, you are more likely to find sliding scale/ fee reduction based on need.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49e1j2", "comment_id": "d0voh5h"}, {"question": "The details I've kept secret", "description": "Seven years ago I was raped. I have told many people this over the course of the last seven years. None at first, I didn't report it or confide in anyone. As the years went on I started to open up and received the mixed responses that most people reading this will be familiar with. At this point, more so than thinking about the event itself, I think about the impact. I look back on my life and am ashamed at my behavior and choices following my rape. While on one of these trains of thought I realized that while I had told people I was raped, I had never been completely truthful. \n\nBecause while I have been told for years not to blame myself, I do. I know I would never have been able to successfully prosecute him because of my behavior before and after the rape. It is my fault that he is still out there, happy, raising his son. \n\nI believe that if I were to tell anyone the pieces of the story I leave out, they would blame me just like I blame myself. I also believe that regardless of the responses I expect, it would be cathartic to do so and that is why I have moved out of the realm of lurkers within this community.\n\nI was fourteen when two adult men raped me while their friends watched. Before I was raped, I was having consensual sex with another man. He was my age and was the person who invited me to the party. While having sex with him one of my rapists pulled him off of me and told him \"I'll show you how she likes to be fucked\" A little after this a different man joined him in raping me. I had been drinking. I didn't remember the rape the next morning. The next day I had consensual sex with another man. I continued to go to parties at one of my rapists' house and spent the next 3 years being extremely promiscuous. I thought that if sex didn't mean anything than I could make what happened to me meaningless- but I didn't want this post to be about the justifications I constantly tell myself so I will end my side of the story there.\n\nThese are the details I have never added to my story and I am adding them now. It was rape. I said no, I tried to fight. I was promiscuous and thought I deserved it. I reacted by becoming more promiscuous. I no longer think I deserved it but I do think I have ruined myself. Seven years later and I still have no happy ending. I didn't react the way women are said to. I didn't cringe at the touch of men, I encouraged it. I cannot forgive myself.\n\nThanks to anyone who took the time to read this wall of text.", "answer": "I'm sorry that this happened to you. What you describe is a common trauma reaction to sexual assault. I'm a therapist and this:\" I thought that if sex didn't mean anything than I could make what happened to me meaningless\" is unfortunately something I see in my patients very often. Please know you're not alone and the way you reacted is normal.  You are clearly self-aware enough to have realized why you reacted the way you did... now you can begin to heal. Bringing up the memories will not be easy, but it's important to exorcise them. If you haven't already, please consider therapy-- but make sure the therapist is someone well trained in sexual assault trauma (sadly, many are not.)\n<hugs>", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "21kden", "comment_id": "cgdy3vy"}, {"question": "I [30m] just broke up with my SO [29f]. Wondering if I should fight for the relationship or if I would just end up looking pathetic.", "description": "At the risk of sounding cliche, my ex and I got together in the most 90s \"Meg Ryan rom com\"/\"teenage coming of age\" kind of way. We were part of the same friend group and always gravitated towards each other during gatherings. But, she had a serious, 5 year relationship, that kept us platonic for years. I was in love with her the  entire time however and everything came to a head when I found out she was moving with said boyfriend to the opposite coast of the country. One drunken night with my roommate yelling at me to figuratively chase her through the airport and tell her how I feel; I manned up and told her. Luckily for me, the feelings were mutual and she decided to break off her relationship, stay on our coast, and start a relationship with me. But, as cliche as our beginning was, reality never turned out as good as our expectations.\n\nFor about the first year things were amazing (we were together 2.5 years) There were some minor problems at the very beginning just because we had to hide our relationship at the very beginning out of respect for her exs feelings. But other than that, it was the most beautiful, adventurous, and loving time of my life. We had every base covered as friends, lovers, and life partners. But after the first year things began to become strained. One of our best friends was brutally murdered and I think our entire friend group collectively became alcoholics for a time as a result of that. And in that drunken haze, bad things started to manifest in our relationship. We would get drunk and argue, get drunk and be fools, get drunk and cause scenes, and just in general became toxic to ourselves and everyone around us. \n\nI snapped out of it about 6 months ago and really got myself back on track. But as I did this, I noticed that she was going even harder than before. The discrepancy in our lifestyles became too much and we began this 3 month cycle of bickering, cutting contact, then reconciling, and then repeating the cycle. It finally got to the point where we both started to truly resent each other and have little patience for the other person. We reached the final straw when I finally intervened on her for drinking and doing drugs, selling me out to get wasted all the time, and for her trashy behavior when she drank. She came back with the fact that she had been hanging out with someone else and I lost it and cursed her out bad through text. We talked one last time a few days later where I apologized for what I said, and she did also and admitted that she had only hung out with someone once and she just made it seem like it was more to get under my skin in the heat of the moment. And we left it all at that.\n\nThat was 3 months ago. Now she's clean and working and going to school again. And I landed a great job and have been bettering myself every day. And it seems like she has also. So now it's getting me thinking that maybe I should reach out to see if we could reconcile. But another part of me just feels like people never change the way you want them too and maybe being apart is what gave us the clarity to get our lives back in order. Maybe we held each other back. Plus, she angrily told me to stop contacting her the last time we spoke and it's making me feel like I might come off creepy and pathetic if I break the radio silence. Even though I am pretty certain that we would be cool if we did talk again now that time has passed. Does anyone have any incite or has anyone been in a situation like mine where they fought for and reconciled a relationship? I've never been in situation like this because I really do love this person and want it to work, but part of me feels like it should be more like 3 years from now as opposed to 3 months. \n\nThank you all\n\nTl;dr Broke up with my SO because of drinking. Contemplating going back now that we're both sober again but not sure if it's too far gone ", "answer": "you won't know till you know...just go slow; maybe even go to counseling together to stay on top of things", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5spezq", "comment_id": "ddgtjyc"}, {"question": "How do I know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? What do I do if they do?", "description": "I was  wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. I don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. Also worried that if we do find out any risks, how I can best act to help in an isolation environment.\n\nAny ideas?", "answer": "1. How old is your kiddo?       \n2. What are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "fq6l4yt"}, {"question": "What causes the weight that depression makes me feel like I'm carrying?", "description": "I'm sure you've all experienced it. The god damn weight. At first, Not much. Your walk might tire you a bit more than it should, or you lift a bit less than you usually do. But then it adds on. And on. And on. And on. Suddenly, without warning, it feels like your being smothered in a lead blanket. What causes this ?", "answer": "At base, depression can be thought of as a motivation syndrome.  Full on severe depression is frequently associated with fatigue, sleep disturbance, eating disturbance, loss of pleasure, psychomotor retardation, etc and all of these things have in common changes in motivation which are also brain system changes subtle though they are.  I suspect the 'weight' you are referring to is part of the larger loss of motivation.  You don't have the energy to do stuff and what you do doesn't satisfy like it did either.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2c0g0o", "comment_id": "cjbmteb"}, {"question": "I [27M] am unsure if my [23F]GF is emotionally abusive.", "description": "Only reason I ask if shes emotionally abusive is because a [30M] friend says she is when i go to him for advice. \n\nWe are long distance, we see each other 2 weeks out of the month, me going to her. Been dating a year. Things are great, when we are together we are happy and very much in love. Life is great but she has pretty bad anxiety and really doesn't do well with her own problems. I'm not very open, in her opinion, and I have a hard time helping her. She gets upset if I ask a question differently than how she would want it asked. When she is upset and I check up on her asking \"how are you feeling?\" she gets mad cause she hates when I ask it that way. I should ask it her way, \"feeling better?, still feeling the same?\" stuff like that. It all just seems so small and insignificant to be upset over. How can someone be upset with their SO when they are actively trying to help. \n\nHer birthday was on a Thursday, a day I wouldn't be with her. So on Monday, a day I took off work to help her move I decided I'd buy her a cake, and flowers for her birthday and first day at her new job. She was happy everything was good, nice surprise. On her actual birthday I texted her \"happy birthday!!\" in the morning and didn't really talk to her till after work. She was upset I didn't make a bigger deal about her birthday. No social media post. No texts saying \"hows the birthday girl?\" \"hows your birthday going?\". I could have texted her but when she started her new job we really don't text till after we both get off work. If this all makes sense. \n\nJust a bunch of small things that are insignificant. I just feel like I have to talk on eggshells sometimes when shes anxious as well. Never know when I'll word something wrong and annoy her. If she doesn't want to talk for a few hours cause shes upset, we don't talk. If I decide we shouldn't talk for a few hours to gather our thoughts she freaks out. \"you can just decide that huh?\" \"ill talk to you in a few days, goodbye.\" \"fuck off, i know you hate me saying that but fuck. off.\"\n\nI'm pretty laid back and chill. I don't like confrontation but feel like I have to really step up and tell her she needs to chill and check her when she starts acting crazy. It's frustrating. I just want her to treat me with some respect, even when shes anxious or upset. \n\nHope this makes sense, wrote it quickly during lunch. Thanks.", "answer": "she is a very high maintenace gf. is  she in therapy?  yes, she is abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6p97i4", "comment_id": "dknnp3k"}, {"question": "I'm 19 and starting college this spring. How do I meet new people without being awkward?", "description": "I am 19 and starting college in a new city. I am very quiet and shy so I have a hard time talking to people. If it's one on one, I have no problem talking to people. However, when there two or more people, I can't speak. I become one of those people who stay busy on their phone. I would really like to meet new people and make friends but I have zero social skills. ", "answer": "Well, you don't have 0 social skills. Like you said, you can talk ok in smaller groups. So take what you have and build on it :)\n\nTry to seek out social opportunities that are more suited to your strengths. A big party might be overwhelming for you, but a book club or a volunteer group might be less noisy and chaotic, and easier to connect with.\n\nPlus, be deliberate to work and grow your social skills. Like anything, social skills get better with practice. Read social skills advice, then be deliberate to try it out. One good resource to start is [Improve Your Social Skills](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com)\n\nFinally, push yourself out of your comfort zone a little each week -- but not too much. You want to challenge yourself at a level that you can keep doing, not at a level that will burn you out. So figure out what works for you, and commit to that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "15wwa3", "comment_id": "c7qjuzw"}, {"question": "I think I did something as a patient that would warrant my psychiatrist firing me. I need advice on how to bring it up with her and how to convince another doctor to treat me. Would especially appreciate the advice of current or former physicians, psychiatrists, or therapists.", "description": "Long story short: I've been lying to my psychiatrist for almost a year about taking two of my medications. \n\nLong story long: I was prescribed mood stabilizers for severe depression (not bipolar) but found them miserable to take. My old psych was super conservative about treatment and didn't want to take me off of them, and instead of fighting the point I just.... stopped taking them. And continued to tell him I was taking them. I realize this is bad. I've been totally clinically stable, but like this is still super bad.\n\nWhen I switched to my new doc (location change), I lied to her too, because I thought admitting I had been lying to a previous doctor was not a great way to start a relationship.\n\nHowever, I recently told another (non-psychiatric) doctor the truth about what I was taking because it was important for diagnosing a separate, non-psychiatric condition. Now my current psychiatrist wants me to sign a release to allow her to coordinate care with my new neurologist. If/when they talk to each other, the truth about my meds -- and my long-term lie -- will come out.\n\nI completely get it if my psychiatrist wants to fire me. I don't blame her. My question is: once it's in my medical records that I've been fired for non-compliance and lying, will any other psychiatrist take me? I really do need the antidepressants I'm on and actually taking, so it's sort of a matter of life and death -- not to be too dramatic, just to give a sense of my urgency.\n\n(perhaps unnecessary caveat: i am not suicidal at all, this post is not a suggestion that i am in danger, because I am not. Just that I have a very very serious chronic illness and I need my medication and I have done something to endanger my ability to get that medication.)", "answer": "You are far from the only person who has lied to their mental health professional. It shows immense character and insight that you are rethinking it. You\u2019re good.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "867y9e", "comment_id": "dw3mjpn"}, {"question": "How do you find a good therapist?", "description": "Are there websites or resources for finding caring and helpful therapists in your city? How do you find a therapist/doctor that will listen to you, not just prescribe you medication and send you on your way? \n\nDo any of you know of any helpful websites that can point me in the right direction?", "answer": "Honestly, a really good resource for locating therapists is Google. Just type in your city and \"counseling\" or \"therapy\" and it should provide a good list to start from.\n\nFor your second question: Therapists don't prescribe medicine, psychiatrists do. If you want talk therapy, see a therapist (counselor for example). ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "x9ggi", "comment_id": "c5kdmqc"}, {"question": "Thoughts", "description": "So today me and boyfriend had a conversation about what is considered cheating and what isn't. Me, [21/F] and him [22/M] stated that talking to someone your s/o is uncomfortable with is cheating. Well, a year ago he was talking to this girl who would hit him up, always trying to Skype and would get irritated when he never messaged back. So I told him she seemed to be getting a little clingy and it was making me uncomfortable, so instead of him just ignoring her, he told her that i didn't like her and I didn't want him talking to her anymore and that they \"UNFORTUNATELY\" had to end their friendship, so she messaged me upset that I had said anything. Yet he doesn't consider that cheating, but if I did, it would be. Thoughts?", "answer": "Talking to someone your partner doesn't like isn't cheating. It might be breaking a promise to them but it's not fucking adultery just cause it scares you. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6a2ay4", "comment_id": "dhbcxdo"}, {"question": "No More Proclamations", "description": "  I've been thinking quite a lot on this.  I've come to believe that making big announcements on reddit or to your friends about your quitting and your goals doesn't help, and can actually harm, your efforts to quit addictive behaviour.  Humans are social creatures, it is embedded deep within our DNA via countless years of evolution.  When we socially proclaim we are quitting an addictive behaviour, or reaching for a goal, we get all kinds of good ooey gooey feelings inside.  We receive a feeling of validation and accomplishment.  That's the problem here.  By receiving that validation at the decision making stage, you are yet to take real action.  You get the reward of the good feelings before you have undergone the task.\n\n  I'm not discounting making the decision to quit.  It's a big deal, and a major first step.  But by announcing to the world that \"I'm quitting Reddit, see you guys never again.\"  You are simultaneously rewarding yourself before actually accomplishing anything and sabotaging your own efforts.  Every time I've made a post along those lines, I've checked back to see the number of upvotes and comments the same day.  It's the validation you are seeking when you make posts like that, not the actual result.\n\n  Instead, set your goals privately.  Meditate, keep a journal.  If you want to tell someone, fine, but don't just make some big announcement that means nothing.  Focus on the journey, not the destination.  \n\n  More importantly, take that energy you were about to put into writing a long reddit post into working on your goals.  Take real and powerful action.  Want to quit surfing?  Install that blocking software, or better yet, take the power cable out the back of your pc.  Go outside, ride a bike, take a hike, learn to play the guitar, just do something greater.  Take actions towards your goals, rather than naval gazing over them.\n\n  If you want to tell someone, make it someone who will actually keep you accountable.  Tell your roommate, or partner.  Tell your best friend, or your dad.  Someone who will call you on your bullshit.  If you want to do it online, join r/1000daysofpractice.  Those guys focus on the everyday side of habits, the practical rather than the metaphorical.  But don't tell the whole world, you're only hindering yourself.\n\n  Then, once you've achieved something, come back and tell us all about it.  30 days nosurf, 3 months, a year.  Come tell us that you've been kicking ass and taking names, rather than telling us that you might kick some ass and may take some names some day soon.  Tell us how you did it, and help others to find the path.  You will have earned those feelings of achievement and validation, they will be more powerful, and you will have your unique experience to share with the community.", "answer": "I think I mostly agree with this except when friends, family, or partners can offer support in terms of accountability. I\u2019m getting off a drug right now, and I told my partner and best friend because I want their help in making sure I don\u2019t slip. I\u2019m not expecting them to be entirely responsible for the outcome of this endeavor, but I do think it\u2019s helpful to have someone who knows what you\u2019re going through.", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "cdue8k", "comment_id": "etypf6o"}, {"question": "I've been on Adderall XR for ADHD since last year, but I don't think I have ADHD but Adderall still helps me by numbing emotions/increasing self confidence", "description": "I'm a Caucasian male, 19, and 130lbs. I'm 5'8 \n\nI have hypothyroidsm\n\nInattentive ADHD \n\nI take Adderall XR 20mg (started Vyvanse 40mg a couple weeks ago) \n\nMagnesium citrate a couple nights a week\n\nThis might be a long read so thanks for reading if you do \n\nI was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12. I've been emotionally sensitive for a few years at least. I had ADHD after visiting a doctor. A few weeks later I started Adderall XR and I thought it helped a lot. Now looking back, it only made me able to concentrate better because it would keep me from being tired often and speed me up. I got incredible amounts of euphoria when I started it. This state would still last me a few hours every single day for a few months and the comedown was awful and it wanted me to take more (but I did not) The medication would never last longer than 8 hours after the first week and over time I started to grow more impatient and compulsive. It never calmed my brain down but it never sped it up too fast either after several months (assuming tolerance) \nI'd always feel the need to talk and couldn't really silence my inner thoughts either. It actually made me act more \"adhd like\" instead and  the only difference was that these inner thoughts were more constant, less based on emotion and more based around what habits I wanted to partake in each day (smoking cigarettes, listening to music, researching random things online) \n\nRight now, I'm typing quite fast and am in a typical state of hyperfocus. Vyvanse even at 40mg (roughly equal to 15mg XR) speeds me up more and then I crash 3 hours later) so I started taking some of my leftover adderall prescription a few days ago \nI think my use of Adderall has played a big part in ruining a relationship with someone who I loved very much. We're still close friends but it hurts at times.\nI don't want to talk to my doctor about this yet because it really has helped me in many ways, but also has hurt me too. I've read that amphetmines aren't likely neurotoxic in prescribed doses (adhd or not) but I would like some advice on what to do?\n\n I do plan to talk to my doctor eventually but it doesn't seem right that this medication has basically had me high for nearly a year. The year went by too fast and I feel like things once important to me aren't as much anymore. The only things important to me I feel is what I do while on Adderall/Vyvanse \n\nI miss my old self sometimes\n\n\n\n\n\n", "answer": "ADHD meds are meant to be a containing influence whilst your brain develops, and typically it shouldn't be prescribed into adulthood. In practice, you might be at a stage where you no longer need it.\n\nFor all we know, you might not have needed them in the first place, but im not in a position to comment on this (obviously).\n\nWhat do you think life would be like if you were no longer on ADHD meds?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6mxn4b", "comment_id": "dk5vj8p"}, {"question": "My Sister opened up to me about some possible psychosis, looking for direction.", "description": "Hi. Recently my sister opened up to me about seeing some spirits chasing eachother. I was very surprised by the conversation, she has had some history with hallucinations, the one or two times that her friends have convinced her to smoke marijuana. She talked to me as if this was something normal to her though, she said they are also in her dreams. I didn't really know what to do, but I just kept her talking about it, I figured I might not be much of a help to her, but I wanted as much info as I could. I really just need to know what would be the best support for her right now, she lives below the poverty line and does not have a good support system around her (my family is very religious and doesn't necessarily believe in mental health). With the pandemic I assume most therapy is online right now? Is there somewhere I can point her that would be the most helpful for her to sort out what's going on in that noggin? \n\nI'm in Ontario and she is on ODSP, so maybe there is a government supported service?", "answer": "I can't diagnose her over Reddit , but based on this info , it sounds like it may be cannabis induced psychosis,  rather than a psychiatric disorder .\n\nIf this continues , she definitely needs to talk directly to a professional. \n\nhttps://www.psychiatrictimes.com/substance-use-disorder/cannabis-induced-psychosis-review", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fuiubj", "comment_id": "fmd0vav"}, {"question": "ADHD?", "description": "16yearsold        \nCaucasian               \nMale              \n140lbs               \n5feet7inches                \nDuration of Complaint: Don\u2019t know but I feel like I\u2019m getting more and more affected by it.                   \n                     \nI feel like I\u2019m showing symptoms of ADHD/ADD and I\u2019m not sure what to do about it but i feel like the \u2018symptoms\u2019 are having a negative impact on me academically and subsequently mentally. The least common symptom I\u2019ve noticed and least effecting symptom is that I often move around in my seat when I\u2019m sitting in a car (or really any seat) until I\u2019m comfortable and then a few minutes later I\u2019ll move around more and that\u2019ll continue, but that\u2019s not where my concern lies. I chronically procrastinate to the point where I always do things at the last second to the point where I either do poorly or need extra time or both, this results in a lot of stress and overthinking that I can\u2019t stand. Me writing this (after writing a previous thread on what my procrastination alone was) is a result of me stressing out and trying to find answers to whatever is happening ASAP because I\u2019m sooooo tirrrreeddd of it. From what I\u2019ve seen it *could* be ADHD/ADD, but I\u2019m no doctor. I was wondering how exactly a doctor would diagnose ADHD/ADD and what the doctor would do to help.", "answer": "I think it's not a good strategy in your case to come with the question 'do I have AD(H)D?' to your gp. Because this can only result in a 'yes' or 'no'. My advice would be to stick with your complaints and ask 'what is causing this list of complaints and how can you help me?'. It can be AD(H)D but other diagnosis could also considered.\n\nAlso, you want to know what is going to happen after you get a diagnosis. It's understandable that you want to know what to expect, but try to keep an open mind, you have complaints and want a better quality of life for yourself.\n\n​\n\nTL, DR: Don't narrow your focus to AD(H)D.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "biywuh", "comment_id": "em4e06z"}, {"question": "I [M21] can't stand my family anymore and want to move far, far away", "description": "I [M21] and wrapping up my undergrad and applying to law school. I live in NY am seriously considering going to school in California. I want to get away because I just don't get along with most members of my family. My mother [F43] is possessive and just annoying. She is neurotic and I can't stand to be around her for more than 30 minutes. She constantly badgers me about my financial situation. She even has gone so far as to set up job interviews at places I told her I didn't want to work. She submitted a resume and everything. I thought this was crossing the line and she didn't see why I got upset. She constantly texts me about it and if I don't text back immediately she gets defensive. She also changes the password to my online banking so she can always see my finances. When I told her to stop and that was none of her business she freaked out.\n\nMy Dad [M40] isn't much better. Every time he tries to talk to me he takes a condescending tone. He makes it seem like I am an idiot and that he knows better. When I try and tell him to talk to me like an adult and treat me like an actual human being he just gets mad and says \"would you like it if I took a worse tone!\". I just can't stand it in this house anymore. Now my parents do do a lot for me. I know they love me, but they always throw it in my face. When I confronted my mom on her behavior she just said \"after all we do for you!\" As if she is somehow entitled to my banking information.\n\nI'm just so tired of it. I want to move away and go no contact. I know they would be devastated, but I need to get away. Is this a good way to deal with my problems? I also have a grandpa who I really don't want to abandon, but my whole family lives in the same area. What should I do?\n\nTl:dr I can no longer stand my parents and want to go far, far away. Is this a good idea?", "answer": "the key to having difficult parents is to manage distance and quantity of contact. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o10v9", "comment_id": "dcfw74j"}, {"question": "Feeling sick to my stomach, still eating a lot but losing weight. What could it be?", "description": "For the last few weeks I have been excessively fatigued and tired to the point it is a huge struggle to keep my eyes open. I've been falling asleep at 9pm every night (waking up at like 7) and wake up exhausted with tired eyes. My stomach is slightly upset almost constantly (but has been getting better) and I do not have a strong appetite.\n\nNevertheless, I am eating plenty (I have been going out quite a bit). Yet, I realized I've lost a few pounds, and I feel like I am without any energy (not hungry but the feeling of famish). What could this be? I'm 26 F, healthy, not having sex, and am about 108 and 5'2 or a little over.", "answer": "How much is \"losing a few pounds\" and over what period of time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6saye7", "comment_id": "dlblyck"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "I don\u2019t think anyone is ever \u2018cured\u2019 from their mental illness. If people are putting their stock into something outside of themselves that can be lost or leave, then it will eventually catch back up to them. I think it takes daily self care and managing as things come up. I myself have gotten to a place, after doing a substantial about of work, where I do find happiness and joy in most days, even though I\u2019ve always battled anxiety and depression. I still get my bad flare ups, but I\u2019m better at recognizing the preemptive signs and then taking really good care of myself during those times. I practice more coping skills during those times, as well as reach out to loved ones letting them know I\u2019m in more of a down place and I may be more flaky as a result, and also asking certain people to check in on me when they can. Truly it\u2019s up to us to take control of our emotional and mental well-being. No one else can do it for us. They can help us feel safe enough to make changes perhaps, but they can\u2019t cure us.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ef0tbbg"}, {"question": "it\u2019s okay if you need to take a break", "description": "no matter what race you are, it\u2019s okay to sign off for a while and look after yourself. the world is stressful and the anxiety with it is uncontrollable, but your health is the most important in times like these. stay safe <3", "answer": "I did exactly this for the last two weeks. I texted my boss and told her I would not be coming in for another two weeks. I never gave her a reason but it was completely do to my mental health being in the trash. My first day back was this past Monday and i'm feeling so much better. I value my health over my work", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "gv9rta", "comment_id": "fsqbk57"}, {"question": "[22/m] Jealous and paranoid because of past experiences, How do I prevent this from ruining my new [21/F] relationship? (x/post r/advice)", "description": "Posting from a throwaway.\n\nI was in a long... Long term relationship, It was my first serious relationship and it lasted for about 5 years, It was also extremely toxic and my SO at the time was more manipulative than I realized until toward the end of our relationship. There was a lot of lies and a lot of infidelity, some of it involving mutual friends.\n\nI've since broken up with this person and found myself with a much more trustworthy and enjoyable individual, The problem is that I find myself constantly paranoid and jealous that history will repeat itself and this new person will wrong me in some way.\n\nIn my heart I know that my current SO would never do anything like that, They're an incredible person and one of the most honest and grounded people I've ever met, that said however it doesn't stop my mind from racing just because they went to hang out with their friends or didn't return a text. It's small things like that that turned out to be signs of much larger problems in my previous relationship.\n\nI'm afraid that this unfounded paranoia brought on by the baggage of the past will somehow sabotage a good thing that I've found for myself. I've told my current SO the full extent of the troubles involved in my previous relationship and warned them that at times I may be excessively jealous or paranoid and promised to do my best to not let that ever interfere with our happiness and they understood entirely.\n\nStill I would like to avoid these thoughts all together, they cause me a lot of unneeded stress and anxiety even though I realize that they couldn't be farther from the truth, but the small 1% chance that I'm wrong is enough to keep my mind racing in an endless spiral of paranoia and anxiety.\n\nI'll never act on these thoughts, because I recognize them as ungrounded paranoia, but how can I overcome them entirely?", "answer": "My first question would be do you have anxiety in general and if you do is it something you need to see a therapist about. If you don't have any psychiatric history and this purely has to do with a bad past experience, Then I would stay focused on the facts about your girl- friend that suggest she's a very solid and trustworthy person. At the end of the day, we either trust or we don't.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qf41s", "comment_id": "dcyr644"}, {"question": "I got diagnosed with ADHD today", "description": "I've been in about a year long process of getting an ADHD diagnosis and I was finally diagnosed today. Now I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I finally understand the root of my problems and can start to work on them, but on the other hand a diagnosis doesn't make me any less of a high school drop out. Life is fun.", "answer": "I'm getting assessed tomorrow. I'm so terrified I won't be diagnosed that I'm thinking about not going. Ugh. \n\nIf I don't receive the diagnosis I will feel so invalidated and so unheard. I've been diagnosed borderline personality for a long time but so much of that diagnosis isn't me and everytime I talk to psychiatrists they hear I was diagnosed borderline before and they straight away assume I'm just making other symptoms up :(. I have discovered adhd and this subreddit in the last month or so and omg my life has changed so much even without meds or a diagnosis because I feel I understand myself better.\n\nI'm taking my husband in the hopes he will help me be heard and taken seriously.\n\nI am so glad you received a diagnosis but I totally understand why you would feel the way you do.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "akmefh", "comment_id": "ef62vv0"}, {"question": "The Planet is Being Destroyed, Violence Increases, Sexism Increases...People are Insane and In Denial About It...And I\u2019m the crazy one?", "description": "I dare you  to tell me to see a therapist. I dare you to diagnose me. I dare you to justify colonialism and ecological  destructiomn. ", "answer": "Look at what you are saying about the world and compare it to how you are talking about it. By violently making statements about the world and attacking everyone that replies you are perpetuating the violent, erradic attitude that you see in the world. \n\nIt sounds like it's a lot, it sucks, you've been hurt, and you need to get it out. \n\nI'm sorry for what happened to you, and I don't have any advice or tips for making it better or easier because we can't control what happens in the world or what other people decide to do. We as people who are alive today are all out here together, and maybe most people are blind, lazy, and/or ignorant. Maybe people just do what they can. Maybe we are all being controlled, whether by some good or by some secret organization that influences everything around us to makes use behave in a certain way. Maybe thinking about it and trying to understand it does more had than good.\n\nI hope you find what you need", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8294bv", "comment_id": "dv9ebrl"}, {"question": "I just want to cuddle...", "description": "So I have recently started to \"get out there\" and found that despite significant difficulties initially I can participate in \"socializing\" and enjoy it for at least a couple hours before I'm socially spent.\n\nI work as a coach so I have a large repertoire of tricks I can use which surprisingly work in much the same way on women as they do with kids. \n\nI can get them to laugh, and talk comfortably and sit side-by-side but when I'd guess most people would think \"I just want to kiss you so hard\" I think \"I want to cuddle with you so long\" and I really am lost as to how to transition to that.\n\nI mean getting laid would be awesome but I want to cuddle so much more at this point and I feel awkward about it... Any tips?", "answer": "If you're dating a girl, cuddling will (usually) come up naturally. A few dates in when you feel comfortable, invite her over for a movie, pat the spot on the couch next to you, and viola.\n\nIf you'd like to cuddle just as friends, that's a bit trickier. Open and honest communication is important--don't try to just snuggle up without saying anything.\n\nInstead, if you have a friend who is physically affectionate and whom you are close to, you might want to be vulnerable and let her know, \"Hey, I really miss cuddling with people, and it's not a romantic/sexual thing for me (or at least, it doesn't have to be.) Would you be ok with trying some of that?\"\n\nAlso, you might want to explore activities that are touch-positive. Theater and dance and things of that nature tend to attract huggy, physically affectionate people, and so the chances of you meeting your touch needs there are probably better than in other groups.\n\nYou can also go to a [cuddle party](http://www.cuddleparty.com/), because apparently that's a real thing. Good luck!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "t96e6", "comment_id": "c4kyij2"}, {"question": "I\u2019m scared and need help", "description": "I\u2019m seeing a therapist currently but I\u2019m scared if I told her what was wrong she\u2019d report me to the police or something. I\u2019m having a lot of vivid fantasies about overpowering my girlfriend, killing her and then myself. I don\u2019t know why this is happening. I love her so much and I could never do that to anyone, I don\u2019t have it in me. Sometimes I have fantasies about eating her once she\u2019s dead but that grosses me out I don\u2019t know why this is happening. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with: generalized anxiety disorder, depression, trichotillomania, and possible bipolar disorder (we\u2019re looking into it at the moment)  sorry for sounding so frantic but I want it to stop", "answer": "If you are disttressed by this,  it is likely an \"intrusive thought.\"\n\nThoughts are not illegal , it is very unlikely these thoughts could be reported, based on what you shared here .\n\nIf you are uncomfortable with the specifics, you could tell the therapist that you deal with intrusive thoughts that upset you and not say what they are until you are more comfortable.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hbpkl3", "comment_id": "fva9dtb"}, {"question": "Whenever I go out alone, I never talk to anyone.", "description": "I\u2019m an introvert, but there are still times when the idea of going out on a Saturday night sounds more appealing than staying home playing Stardew Valley. However I\u2019ve noticed that when I do go out, I don\u2019t speak to anyone. Last Saturday night was one of these nights. I went downtown and ended up going to two bars, but both times I just sat alone, people-watching and eavesdropping on other conversations. Other than the bartenders, I literally didn\u2019t say one word to anyone.\n\nIt\u2019s not like I\u2019m depressed, sitting there just wishing I was the kind of person these people would want to talk to. I just find it super awkward to try to start a conversation with a stranger unless I\u2019m given an extremely obvious in. \n\nI left with a kind of \u201cwell better luck next time\u201d kind of attitude, but deep down I know nothing will change unless I do.\n\nHow do the rest of you deal with this?", "answer": "I experience this sometimes.  Not as often as I used to.  I'm an extreme extrovert, but also one with social anxiety.  I prefer to be out talking to people and having conversations with groups, working the room so to say.  In fact I'd say being an extreme extrovert I crave it.  \n\n\nSometimes though, I'll be at a bar by myself if I have to say kill time before getting on a train or before meeting with friends and obviously I would love to strike up random conversations but the anxiety holds me back.  \n\n\nSome days it gets me and some days it doesn't.  When I really feel up to pushing myself, I'll usually sit next to someone else who's alone and ask some relevant questions to spark a conversation.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9ixagu", "comment_id": "e6o53yb"}, {"question": "I'm insecure and I really need your help", "description": "I'm in a relationship with this beautiful intelligent human being that i totally admire and respect. I try not to push her boundaries ever, give her space, I never show signs of jealousy and over all I try to make her happy. However I'm totally insecure (maybe because sometimes *or better all the time * I feel like I don't worth as much. A better description would be that I live with the constant fear that she's gonna leave me or break my heart and at the same time I want to push her away before she does) \n\nThe problem (and what hurts the most) is that i don't really have a reason to feel that way. I mean she's acting extremely good in our relationship. Tells me she loves me and we spend time together.  \n\n\nI sometimes cry in her arms when I feel overwhelmed (pathetic I know) but she says she likes that i show her my vulnerable side. \n\nShould I tell her how I feel ? \nShould I break up and let her find someone less damaged ? \nShould I see someone, like a psychologist? \n\n\nPlease I need help, I'm tired of feeling this pain in my chest and try to act cool all the time \n\n*sorry for any mistake, I'm not a native english speaker ", "answer": "I understand exactly how you feel.  My insecurities are just haunting my brain and causing me a lot of anxiety.  Maybe therapy might help to figure out these insecurities.  That\u2019s what I\u2019m going to try. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "9lgmpi", "comment_id": "e76mwyz"}, {"question": "How do you let go of negative experiences (or turn them into positive ones)?", "description": "I've been noticing recently that whenever I'm in social situations, I increasingly become tense and negative worrying that I don't do anything awkward or say something stupid to create a negative experience. This happens so often that I start to worry days before an event and I hate it. I've tried mediation and positive reinforcement to block out those negative experiences but it always comes back the closer to the date that the event is happening. I wanted to know how you would let go of negative experiences and replace it with positive ones? Thanks.", "answer": "I can't let go of negative experiences.  I don't think most people can.  What's helpful for me is just changing the way I think about negative experiences.  \n\n\nWhen ever you succeed at anything, you learn very little.  You don't really improve at all as a person whenever you succeed.  Don't get me wrong, we all need to have some successful moments in our lives to keep motivation going, but I think whenever you start succeeding at anything more often than not, that's when it's time to up the challenge.  \n\n\nWhen you have a negative experience at least in regards to something you caused or did, you have the opportunity to grow as a person in a way you wouldn't have had if you succeeded.  \n\n\nAs a supervisor/trainer of new therapists who more often than not are scared shitless early on and feeling like imposters, I tell them to take risks.  Make mistakes.  Fuck up.  Then learn from them.  The person who never takes risks, challenges themselves in a way that it's not always going to work out in their favor, isn't growing as a person.  They're just staying comfortably stagnant.  The thought of that to me is worse than any negative socially awkward moment.     ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b6ke9e", "comment_id": "ejl1zl2"}, {"question": "How to move on?", "description": "So I came to the concusion that she is just not that into me :( lol. It stings but their is nothing I can do to change this. Not a big deal time to move on, just one problem...\n\nIt is summer now, I'm out of school. I don't know how to meet people outside of school. I feel like finding someone else to talk to is one of the only ways to get her off my mind but I can't meet people outside of school...", "answer": "It sounds like you don't have a lot of friends, so you invested a lot in her which is now a problem since you realize she hasn't invested as much.   You might be served well by focusing on finding others in your area with similar interests and focusing on building those relationships.  I know that it's kind of generic advice, but there are a lot of posts detailing ways to do that.  \n\nTry to focus on making it as fun of a summer as you can.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "290wu1", "comment_id": "ciggwy2"}, {"question": "My 24th birthday was this week. It's the loneliest I've ever been.", "description": "Other than my family, there was no one to care. I didn't even think *I* cared if others did, but *surprise*, it turns out I do.\n\n(TL;DRs at the bottom, I tend to write walls of text)\n\n​\n\nProfessionally, I'm exactly where I want to be: in grad school researching an interesting topic with great working conditions. I even just received funding to continue my project at the PhD level. I should be thrilled, yet, that doesn't even make me happy and that's where I have a problem.\n\nIt doesn't help that, for the last year, I had the poor taste of falling in love with my closest friend and chickening out of telling her until it was both unbearable *and* too late. Obviously that put a bit of a damper on things and made me realize that I don't even *have* close friends anymore, hence why I'm venting on here instead of *actually doing something about it*.\n\nLooking back, it seems that I managed to go through undergrad (and, to be fair, a good part of highschool) getting my minimal level of social interaction (which I didn't even know I had) talking to people in my classes and during breaks. Even now, all I want when I get home is to get some peace and quiet to either get work done or just relax. (I live with my parents and siblings, so it's not like I'm completely alone all the time).\n\n(**TL;DR** can start here)\n\nGiven that my situation isn't much different from a lot of what gets posted on here, I know what I'm *supposed* to do (pick up a hobby, go out there and *do stuff* where I'll meet people, maybe try dating if I can conjure up the patience for that), but between knowing and doing there's a step that I can't bring myself to cross. I think it's usually a matter of \"too tired\", \"don't feel like it right now\", \"I'm not sure \\[activity\\] and what it implies matches who I am, who I want to be or what I want to do\" as well as plain old transport logistics, with (dis)honourable mentions to \"I don't have time\" and \"not worth the effort\".\n\nIt doesn't help that I'm usually quite picky with people in general, so it's unlikely that I'll meet someone in a structured group/setting with whom I'll want to hangout outside of said group/setting.\n\nThen there's the extra difficulty of being in a linguistic minority: the default language for any organized activity will be English, but I find it's much easier to connect with fellow Francophones (which can be hard to find), as there's no need for that extra layer of translating language and culture.\n\n(**TL;DR#2**)\n\nBasically, knowing *what* I need to do (go out more, change mindset a bit) doesn't help me with *how* to do it, practically. I feel it's a bit like a \"If you want to make a sculpture of a horse, just remove everything that doesn't look like a horse\" situation.", "answer": "You can do anything you choose to do within your physical limits.  Your responsible for the actions.  Keep in mind, inaction is also a choice.  \n\n\nIf you want more friends, go out and get them.  If you don't know how, learn.  \n\n\nIt's easier and safer to stay inside, stuck in your routine and not do any of the things you need to do to get the social life you want.  In most cases, the easiest course of action is rarely the best.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b9hng9", "comment_id": "ek4oo0e"}, {"question": "Ive been an asshole to my crush.", "description": "I went on r/AmItheAsshole and so far all I got was a yes. I am. And im glad they've set my head straight. Basically me and my crush got into a fight. I was having a breakdown and tried phoning them but they didnt answer. I didnt know he was on another call so I assumed he was just blanking me.I got annoyed and all. We spoke and he said he didnt care about anyone anymore. Later I found out that he did actually care but lied to me. I snapped. I know what I did was wrong  and I know ive really screwed up. If I apologize he probably wont give one, i've tried. What do I do?\n\n​\n\nEDIT: Everyone who commented thank you all your advice has helped \\^-\\^\n\nHe forgave me and also said sorry. Were both willing to put this behind us and get on with our lives as normal.", "answer": "Apologize - but not because you're expecting him to forgive you, apologize because it's the right thing to do and because it shows you respect his feelings and you understand what you did was hurtful.\n\nIf he chooses to forgive you, great, I hope that happens. But remember it's his choice. You can't control what others do, only your own actions.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hqkurw", "comment_id": "fxyio88"}, {"question": "How to Stop Overthinking Relationships?", "description": "I'm the type that overthinks everything. I am having a hard time trusting my husband, and trusting the universe that my husband will figure out his drama.\n\nWe've been married for almost 6 mo. He came on a fianc\u00e9 visa for us to get married. Once he was in my house for a couple days, I found out his jealous ex-wife was puppy-eyeing him back to her (he and I met after they had split up). He was falling for her and her bullshit...which was nothing more than bullshit. She wants nothing more than for him to be miserable and single.\n\nI, an adult child of alcoholism, blossomed into a domestic violence survivor with two children. I'm great at making excuses for people while silently criticizing their anterior motives for days or weeks. Until I completely fall apart.\n\nTrying to do things I enjoy. Figure out things I enjoy doing...which seems to help both my self-esteem and realities to happen by themselves...without me obsessing them into existence.\n\nAny other survival tactics to just \"letting life happen\"....learning to trust a SO... or learning to stop overthinking?", "answer": "Trust has 2 aspects.  The behavior of the other person, and your internal decision that you will trust someone worthy of trust.\nThinking is over-thinking when it's no longer productive.\nGenerally, improving self esteem, and choosing trustworthy partners makes everything fall into place.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6g51rs", "comment_id": "dinto3a"}, {"question": "Non-alcoholic Kahl\u00faa", "description": "Does anyone know if Kahl\u00faa makes a non-alcoholic drink? If, unfortunately not, does anyone know a brand of non-alcoholic coffee liqueur?", "answer": "Bailey's makes a non-alcoholic Irish cream that you can buy at most grocery stores.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "4vas4n", "comment_id": "d5xr2dz"}, {"question": "Odd question for doctors, maybe specifically urologists. I want to know about average penis size, what is \"normal\"? If you lined up 100 guys what would they look like.", "description": "EDIT: If anyone knows of any links to scientific studies showing the exact measurements of the men of the studies I'd love to see any links\n\n​\n\nI don't even know if this will be the right place or if I'll get any response. I wanted to talk specifically to doctors, and especially those that see a lot of naked men, so maybe like urologists. I have heard all the rational, I know size doesn't matter, I know men are the only ones that care, I know \"average\" size is like 5.2\" (depending on what studies you read) and that there are lots of flaws with studies done, but I wondered about a more REAL example. I also realize it's a bit flawed because what most doctors see is a flaccid penis, and flaccid penises vary WILDLY in size, and you got growers and showers and all that stuff.\n\nA bit of background on me real quick. I'm male, 28, I am 6'3\", weigh about 300lbs, my penis is circumcised, 5\"-5.25\" when erect, 4.25\" girth, somewhere around those dimensions. I have severe anxiety disorders and depression, and body dysmorphia, specifically revolving around my penis. I have very mixed up body expectations, and much of it has come from my pornography addiction (I'm working on recovering, and working with a therapist). So I've had pretty severe anxiety and depression about my penis, and even with all the rational facts I still struggle. So my plan is to collect as much real world facts and information and then I can keep reminding myself these things as I build a new self identity.\n\n​\n\nMy basic question for doctors, or those that may have an unbias experience with mixed random men, pretend you lined 100 naked guys up, what would the most common sizes be? If you saw me, a 6'3\" overweight guy with a 5\" penis, how would I stand out?\n\n​\n\nAlso is there ANY difference between larger or smaller penises? More pleasure for him, or less pleasure? Ease in urinating? More risks of disease? Anything?\n\n​\n\nAgain, just trying to rally up as much logical information to educate myself and work on creating a more realistic mindset.\n\n​\n\nThis is such a weird question lol sorry about all this. And if you feel more comfortable talking privately that's fine too. All I ask is no images please, images don't help my addiction recovery. Thanks!", "answer": "Asking doctors is not useful because we are rarely measuring penises. It's irrelevant for almost all medical care. But we can find information, and in a  [large systematic review of some 15k men](https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bju.13010) the average penis length erect is 13.12 cm, or 5.16 in. Penis length correlates with size, but not very strongly.\n\nExcept in rare extremes, penis length is not particularly significant. There's no way to study whether longer or shorter penises have more pleasure because pleasure is so subjective and any given person only gets to experience having one penis. There are no greater or lower risks of disease. It's hard to do rigorous studies on what sexual partners prefer in a penis, and those results seem to be all over the place. Women's stated preferences in penis size (mostly preferring width) don't even seem to track well with reported satisfaction (largely independent of size). A gestalt is that men seem to spend much more time worrying about this than women do; women don't care. (The surveys are all of men and women. Perhaps in the future they will go by genitalia and not by gender, but we use the data we have.)\n\nBottom line: you're average and have nothing to worry about, but you probably also wouldn't have anything to worry about if your penis were an inch longer or shorter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "helvmn", "comment_id": "fvsd9do"}, {"question": "Girlfriend\u2019s dad caught us having sex", "description": "I\u2019ve been seeing this girl(20F), I\u2019m a guy(21M). We\u2019ve been seeing each other for about a month now, and we went to her place to watch a show. We got comfortable and ended up making out, etc.\nShe goes home to her parents place occasionally to check in with them/take care of her dog. She didn\u2019t this time.\nSo her and I, being independent adults, stayed up talking, but her dad apparently was looking for her and came banging on the door (apparently he\u2019d heard us from outside). It sounded pretty derisive from the bits I caught (he definitely cursed at her). I care about her and want to keep seeing her, but she was obviously distraught from being verbally berated, and I\u2019ve never been in that situation before (yes, not even in high school) because I\u2019ve been living on my own for the last 4 years, so I never really had to worry about parents coming. I did my best to comfort her, but she clearly needed to go.\nShe\u2019s awesome and I don\u2019t want this to stop us from seeing each other, but it seems like she\u2019s having a difficult time with family and has been trying to reconnect with them even before that situation. I\u2019ve never met her parents seeing as how we\u2019ve just started seeing each other a month ago.\nWhat do I do?", "answer": "First and foremost I'd suggest talking to her about the situation, how you feel about it, and what you guys mutually plan to do about it.  \n\n\nDoes she or the both of you plan on confronting/having a conversation with her father over his reaction?  Do you plan on ignoring it?  How are you going to either handle situations like that in the future or how do you plan to avoid situations like that in the future?  Are you both okay with the plan?\n\n\nAt your age, whether a person still lives with their parents or not and how to navigate the situation if they are is generally a MAJOR issue for the relationship and needs discussing.  It can be a deal breaker for some folks and if it is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "ep4hmc", "comment_id": "feh1gou"}, {"question": "Weaned off of abilify/zoloft completely 2 weeks ago, having symptoms since last thursday that doctor is clueless about", "description": "I've been on meds for 10 years, I am a 23 yo male. Been on Abilify and Zoloft together for 3 years since April 2014, prior to that with a different psychiatrist was on Zyprexa/Prozac.\n\n I've been in the process of weaning off of both Abilify and Zoloft since April of this year, and my doctor said it was OK for it to be this fast. I saw him last Thursday morning, and later that day I noticed an itching sensation from head to toe. Taking a shower did nothing, literally the only relief I have been getting is from sleep. The intensity varies throughout the day. This morning it was actually the worst it's been since Thursday while I was in the shower. I have also noticed increased irritability and feelings of stress, but I don't know if it is a direct result of my skin feeling like it's crawling constantly.\n\n I wasn't able to reach my doctor until Monday of this week (2 days ago) and he suggested that I try Benadryl or some antihistamine. This immediately made no sense in my head but I figured, I have no other choice. I've been taking generic Benadryl every 6 hours since Monday and nothing has changed. My doctor told me from the beginning it would be \"unlikely\" that I experience withdrawal symptoms. He said what I am experiencing currently he has never heard of and is \"extreme\". I called him today because I'm running out of options and explained it's still the same, since he never gave me a timeline to work with, after I repeatedly asked him, and his only response to not giving me a timeline was \"It's unusual what you are describing, the only other thing I can recommend is going back on the medication or taking different allergy medication. Have you considered that what you are describing might be unrelated to the medication?\"\n\n He says this even though I told him Monday that the same thing happened to me before, several months before I saw him in late 2013/early 2014 when I tried stopping Zyprexa/Prozac cold turkey, under no doctor's instructions but because I was very sick then. The same itching/hypersensitive skin happened both then and now, under different meds, under two different discontinuation lengths. My primary care physician isn't available until tomorrow, and he doesn't talk to patients on the phone.\n\n If anyone has experienced something like this or something similar before, could you please tell me what's going on? I don't know what to do, and not about to self-diagnose myself just because my psychiatrist is not being super helpful atm. Thank you.", "answer": "Withdrawal manifesting as an all over itch is pretty rare, particularly if tapered over a number of weeks. Its probably a rebound dopamine reaction, but it goes away soon enough.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6k1d2i", "comment_id": "djinnbw"}, {"question": "Deal with stubble on the face?", "description": "Wondering how to deal with stubble on my chin & neck and the shadow that it leaves.", "answer": "I don\u2019t shave for this reason. I haaaaated stubble. So I tweeze or wax. Considering getting an epilator. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ac7c7b", "comment_id": "ed5zom7"}, {"question": "Lightheaded/dizzy when standing on new medications", "description": "24 year old white male. 5'10 and 170lbs. Daily medications: 40mg of Paxil; 300mg of Wellbutrin; 80mg of Propranolol; 10mg of Lipitor; 5 mg of Terazosin; Benzo (PRN- rarely)\n\nThis medication combo is for anxiety disorders, and before the meds I previously had high blood pressure (usually around 160/90mmHg+). My psychiatrist prescribed all of these except the Lipitor, and I take the Propranolol mainly for anxiety control, but it helps that it also helps with BP. I take the Terazosin for Paxil induced night sweats, and it works great (I started at 1mg, but it was not fully effective until I hit 5mg).\n\nMy BP is now around 100/60mmHG when I take it on my home device. Nearly every time I stand up, my vision gets a little spotted, I feel lightheaded, weak, and almost out-of-body slightly. \n\nI finally feel comfortable with my medication combination, but I am getting annoyed with the lightheadedness. I am not scheduled to go back to my psychiatrist for another few months, so I was wondering if anyone had any ideas in how to improve this at this time? Someone told me smelling salts, but that seemed a bit archaic.\n\nThanks", "answer": "The simplest intervention is to increase your sodium and fluid intake. That might be helpful.\n\nAnother thing to try is standing up slowly and tensing muscles right before and as you do so to try to increase the blood returned from the veins in your limbs to your heart.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8lyoar", "comment_id": "dzjhqgf"}, {"question": "I can see my 11 year old developing negative traits as he grows up, what can I do to stop this?", "description": "We don\u2019t have the best life, there\u2019s a gap between him and his schoolmates but I\u2019m not sure how significant it is. He\u2019s becoming dependent and materialistic and will do almost anything for attention. Most kids in his class can barely tolerate him (he\u2019s generally provocative, even I can\u2019t tolerate it sometimes), as a result he hasn\u2019t formed any close friends. He constantly chases after people\u2019s attention even if they treat him badly because of it, and won\u2019t listen to any advice. The list goes on, but generally speaking, what do you do if you\u2019re child is just, desperate for lack of a better word.", "answer": "Getting him involved in group activities at this age can be really helpful.  Team sports are generally good for this, especially if he has a good coach.  \n\nTherapy groups for kids focused on something he's interested in could also be helpful.  For instance, in Philadephia I run therapeutic Dungeons and Dragons groups for kids around his age that are specifically focused on helping the kids with social skills and other difficulties.  Depending on where you live, there are various groups around the country doing this sort of thing.  It may be worth something looking into.  If this sounds interesting to you, message me and I'll let you know if I know anything in your area as the therapists doing this around the country are a pretty tight community.  \n\nAside from that, just making sure that he has enough opportunities outside of school to make and spend time with friends be it from his neighborhood or friends he meets from any clubs or activities you get him interested in.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ed89g3", "comment_id": "fbgjqhv"}, {"question": "GP not convinced I have sleep apnea", "description": "24 years old, Male, 5'6, 150 lbs, Asian, Duration of complaint: 2+ years, relevant medical issues: High blood pressure/allergies/asthma/anxiety/depression\nCurrent medications: prescribed Trazodone but haven't started using it yet.\n\nHi, I recently went to my GP to discuss my sleep issues (trouble falling asleep, waking up every 3-4 hours, waking up extremely fatigued, waking up extremely fatigued, only sleeping for 6-7 hours maximum, waking up with an elevated heart rate) and I suggested that I may be suffering from sleep apnea.  I live alone, so no one else can really confirm whether or not I snore, but I thought my symptoms fit.  He told me that it is highly unlikely that someone my age and at my weight would be suffering from sleep apnea.  He suggested improving my sleep hygiene and prescribed me Trazodone.  I also brought up concerns over my difficulty breathing through my nose, so he suggested trying antihistamines/decongestants and/or melatonin + vitamins.  \n\nI have tried improving my sleep hygiene and have tried antihistamines, melatonin and consuming vitamins, but so far nothing has helped.  I am really at a loss on what to do next.  Should I consult another doctor for a 2nd opinion?  Should I just skip that step and look for a sleep center?  My GP told me that sleep studies are very expensive and that they would only help diagnose apnea, not any other sleep disorders.  Would it be more likely for my insurance to cover/help cover a larger portion of the cost if my GP were to request it?\n\nPlease, any suggestions/advice would be extremely helpful.  Thank you!", "answer": "I also think that it's unlikely to be sleep apnoea, but obviously I can't see you.\n\nMaybe some info here could help you - [Sleeping well](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/sleepingwell.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5q8izr", "comment_id": "dcxbj9n"}, {"question": "Open Relationship Advice", "description": "Okay, so I think I went about writing my first post the wrong way. My girlfriend of two years and I are looking to enter an open relationship. She has found someone whereas I have not. We both still love each other very much but we are uncertain as to how we should navigate these new waters. We want to be together but this is all so new for us. I want to find someone/make friends with people who are new to this and could be going through this transition like I am rn. What advice do you have for someone that's new to an open relationship? What conversations should I be having with my girlfriend and what sort of boundaries are necessary for our relationship to grow. We don't want to lose what we have, but we don't want to turn back. We want to press forward and grow together. Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "open rel. rarely work. you have to have zero jealousy, which is rare.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yfy9s", "comment_id": "dmn4zb8"}, {"question": "I need to make a voting system for my school's film festival. People need to be able to vote on the movie that they think win without there being any errors or cheating.", "description": "Last year we used google forms but people were able to submit multiple people. It will need to be able to support a few hundred votes. What would the best system be?", "answer": "If it has to be anonymous, you could have them enter an ID # based on, say, a combo of their student ID and date of birth or something along those lines. I've seen some surveys ask me to enter, like, first two letters of mom's name, the two digit day I was born, and last letter of my first name. Just obscure enough to hide my identity, still unique to just me. I suppose people could still forge some but it might be enough of a barrier to stop most.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "f9dh1k", "comment_id": "fiqu26m"}, {"question": "How can I improve having an anxious-ambivalent attachment style?", "description": "I've read about attachment styles in a psych textbook. I did that because I have some issues with relationships and I've been trying to be more aware of how I myself play a part in the way my relationships typically happen. And I had a vague acquaintance with the subject, and I had a textbook close to me.\n\nI've strongly identified with the following excerpt, describing the \"anxious-ambivalent\" or \"preoccupied\" attachment style:\n\n>These adults are obsessive and preoccupied with their relationships. They want more relationship closeness than their partners do and suffer extreme feelings of jealousy, based on fears of abandonment. Their relationships have the shortest duration of the three groups. Ambivalent adults describe their relationship with their parents as less warm than secure adults do and feel that their parents had unhappy marriages.\n\nI am considering going to therapy and wouldn't mind being encouraged to do that. But apart from that option, what strategies are there for one to explore?\n\n**EDITs**: *just some very slight rewordings*", "answer": "Well now, this is a great question. There is some emerging evidence that family-based therapy (that targets the parent-child relationship) does shift attachment-styles towards secure types. While this evidence is with adolescents, in my clinical/anecdotal experience this works with adults as well.\n\nThat being said, going to therapy should help. Also there is an interesting phenomenon where people with anxious/preoccupied styles that are in stable/caring relationships tend to shift from anxious/preoccupied towards security over time (or they end). However, for this to happen it requires efforts form both partners and certainly helps if both partners can become aware of their patterns (an essential part of couple therapy)\n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "al2pg5", "comment_id": "efa87gz"}, {"question": "It's been a few destructive months lately. I simply cannot continue drinking.", "description": "I made my 3 year old nephew cry when I didn't show up to build birdhouses because I 'fell asleep'. Then I ruined Mothers Day and found this sub. I stopped drinking for a day and went back at it. This past Friday I got a DUI (I'm sorry to all motorists) in a state I don't live in and spent a few hours with, and hundreds of dollars to get away from, murderers and fellow addicts.\n\nI am leaving my boring, not-challenging job for a highly visible and important career in that other state at the end of June. I cannot carry this addiction into my new setting. I will probably face a license suspension which will be embarrassing enough to start my new career. I can't expect the company to tolerate the effects of my addiction and I can't tolerate them anymore either. I can't even socially drink anymore. If there is alcohol, I will drink it until it's gone or I pass out.\n\nI am successfully weaning off because I fear severe withdrawal symptoms. I'll have my last drink today for the rest of my life.\n\nI've lost religion many years ago but am considering attending church if only for that self-reflection time I think I miss and relied on in my younger years. With that and you lovely bunch of supporters, I hope I'll never need to reset my badge.\n\nHere's to better lives and lives WE control!", "answer": "AA worked for me, it doesn't work for everyone tho but I'd say it's worth a try.   I think it's also worth considering medications because the research shows that using medication increases the likelihood of success significantly. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3883p4", "comment_id": "crt30ru"}, {"question": "Should I tell my [22/f] partner [25/m] about my intrusive thoughts?", "description": "Throwaway account because he knows my actual account\n\nA bit of background: we've been dating for 4 months and he's an introvert who needs his space away from me, an ambivert leaning more towards extroversion.\n\nMy boyfriend and I have a schedule for when I come over to stay (fri-mon) so he can recover when I'm not around; totally understandable and I respect his wishes. We still set up dates every now and then on the weekdays I'm not over. As of recently during the times we don't see each other, the scenario of him breaking up with me just pops into my mind and I get sad for a bit, forget about it, then remember on some other day, and when we see each other it just goes away!\nI'm not in emotional turmoil over it but I am rather annoyed of its recurrence and debating whether or not I inform him about this intrusive thought because it could go in two directions: one, he misinterprets it as a sign of distrust and compromise our relationship which then I'd feel even more shitty and two, he reassures me just this one time and I never think about it again.\n\nI just want to tread carefully please help.", "answer": "there's never any obligation to share private thoughts. it's only relevant to share thoughts that are getting closer to action. we're all entitled to the sanctity and privacy of our minds.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tzuca", "comment_id": "ddqacg6"}, {"question": "My SO is in AA and suddenly ended our 3 year relationship- Can someone help me understand what is going on? (X Posted)", "description": "My boyfriend and I were dating for almost three years. We moved in together in January and one weekend in April he was away on a bachelor party trip. I went over to his moms house and she told me she was worried about him- that he had a gambling addiction. This was the first I had ever heard about this.\n\n\nWe planned to confront him on the Sunday of his return and while I was at work before picking him up his mother found drugs in his room. When we got to his moms she had staged an intervention and he admitted that he was doing drugs (not gambling) the entire time (going on about 7 or 8 months- possibly more).\n\n\nI had no idea that he was doing this. For awhile I thought he was depressed and thought that was just really what was going on but he was actually extremely addicted to heroin. This was absolutely crushing to me. My father died from a drug overdose when I was 15 and this really hit close to home.\n\n\nHe immediately went to a drug rehab after we confronted him. At first I thought he would only be there a month but it turned into a 90 day program. I supported him the entire time he was there by going to once weekly therapy sessions with him and going to a drug and alcohol seminar for 3 days at the rehab. We talked daily and got to see each other a couple of times when he was able to leave on a 8-hour or weekend pass.\n\n\nBy the time June rolled around I thought that he would be getting out and able to move back into our apartment we shared together. When I went to the therapy session for the week he told me that he would be going to a halfway house for six months after he left to stay sober.\nI can't say I was happy about this decision- I would have to move out of our apartment because he would no longer be living there and wouldn't pay rent. However, I wanted him to do what was best for his health and what he needed to do to stay sober.\n\n\nAs of last week he had been at his halfway house for a month- which meant that he would be able to leave on his own when he wanted. Which meant we would be able to see each other more than we had since he entered rehab in April.\n\n\nWe saw each other on Monday and he talked about wanting to hang out on Thursday (I was off work) and how I should pick a restaurant we could go to and have a good day. On Tuesday night he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore.\n\n\nThis was a complete shock. From the beginning he always told me how grateful he was that I was supporting him. I can't understand why after being there for four months (and over 2 years together) that he can just cut me out of his life all of the sudden.\n\n\nI understand that while in recovery and AA you become selfish because this is a life or death situation. I have been to Al-Anon and heard what the people in there have had to say too.\n\n\nI am just so confused and hurt that after all this time it is like I don't even figure into his life anymore. I know that some people say not to start a relationship within your first year in AA but we have been together so much longer than that.\n\n\nIf anyone can give me some advice- or help me understand maybe what is going on with him I would be so grateful. This has really affected me and I just want some understanding so I can have some kind of closure.", "answer": "I wouldn't be quick to call this selfishness. I mean it may very well be, but I don't think you or any of us have the full story. \n\nIt sounds like there is more going on that we're not hearing and I don't think we're equipped to deal with the situation either way. I would look into actually workong at alanon because they can help you more than we can. \n\nI'm sorry you went through all this, alcoholics are a strange breed. My only advice is to be willing to talk to him and let let go of any resentments. Because where I'm from no one in the program would suggest to just cold shoulder you. The program is one of selflessness that begins on the selfish motive of escaping alcoholism. For me that quickly changed to being of service to the people my life.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1kdp3y", "comment_id": "cboilg3"}, {"question": "I\u2019ve had very bad \u201cacne\u201d on my butt/the upper back of my thighs for a while now (1 or 2 years?). Don\u2019t know what it\u2019s is or what to do?", "description": "Info about me: 16F 5\u2019 5\u201d 145 lbs no meds no drugs no alcohol no other issues\n\nIt all over my butt and spreads down the back of my thighs. It\u2019s mostly just normal-sized \u201cpimples\u201d but there are several very painful big ones, that I admittedly mess even though I know I shouldn't. I\u2019ve tried using my Neutrogena face acne medicine in it. The normal sized ones usually stay but the big ones come and go. I\u2019ve had them for so long and they\u2019re extremely uncomfortable/painful to move or sit with/super embarrassing so that I can\u2019t wear shorts or bathing suits without being very, very self-conscious and hiding, sadly even with my boyfriend. It's super hard to talk about, and whenever I try to mention it to my parents, it's blown off as gross, which doesn't help the situation. I don\u2019t know what it is or what to do about it. It's not STDs (my boyfriend has only been with one other \\[not sexually\\] and I have only been with one other \\[not sexually\\], plus not any similar symptoms) and it's most likely not diet-related.", "answer": "I get something similar from heat/sweating. It\u2019s a form of foliculitis and I keep an antibiotic lotion at the ready whenever I have a \u201cflair\u201d.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fc0bmm", "comment_id": "fj81x79"}, {"question": "ODD in Adults? Looking for some guidance", "description": "Hello fellow redditors.  \n\nI've had a rocky life, leading to an early adulthood full of mental problems and trauma.  Recently, I've work hard and pulled through most of it, but there's a conclusion that I have come to , and I need your help.  \n\n\nI am concerned that I have ADHD, or some form of Autism; my parents were not wise and did not get me any mental health checkups during childhood, and treated for different-ness with belts and switches.  I do know that I most likely have ODD (even though adults *don't* have odd, according to *professionals*) b/c I display several of the ODD symptoms.  \n\n\nI've managed to reel myself in to keep my current relationship steady, and I'm doing generally well with my friends, but this situation is rearing its ugly head at work.  \n\n\nBasically, as a 26 year old graduate, I don't feel that I need to have direct supervision, and I shouldn't be told what to do with my cell phone and earbuds at my desk, especially when my work gets done, regardless.  This along with ridiculous micromanagement and policy changes is causing me to want to drive my car through the manager's desk.  \n\n\nSo, what do I do to handle this?  My psychiatrist says there's a test for Autism/adhd but it's a little over 100 dollars, and I feel...that there shouldn't be a paywall for this sort of thing.  I mean, much of our American population is disabled in this way, and I feel we should easily be able to get help.  \n\n\nThanks for taking the time to read this and comment!  ", "answer": "If you're willing to go into greater detail about your difficulties, pop over to r/askdocs and a shink like me might be able to give you an opinion on it...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6hfpp8", "comment_id": "diy7b9b"}, {"question": "Might I have bipolar disporder?", "description": "Hi, I don't know if this is the right place to post this here but I'll try. \n\nSo I'm 19M, introvert, melancholic and I've never had any major problems in my life - family, friends, hobbies, my body...everything's okay. But like 3 years ago, for no reason, I started to feel really sad, hopeless and very pessimistic.   \nI lost interest in my hobbies - I stopped doing sport (this totally surprised me), going out, learning about some things I've liked, I even stopped playing video games.   \nSomehow it got better with time but mostly I'm not as happy as I used to be.\n\nHowever, like 10 months ago, I've noticed one thing - my mood started to change almost every day. I'm also a more sensitive person now. My mood changes very often and it's not like a bad mood when something happens to you, but more like mania and depression as I read. The mania period is never super crazy or something like that. The depression part is sometimes very bad.\n\nThe last couple of months became even more interesting for me - my mood really changes several times a day. Some days are crazy it feels like a rollercoaster. And again it happens for no reason, it also doesn't matter if I'm alone or not and the mania period, how I've mentioned earlier, is never totally crazy (big).   \nI read a couple of articles about bipolar disorder and there was always something about one state in which your mood changes daily or several times a day. Maybe it's called 'mixed episodes' but I'm not sure. \n\nI really don't see any reason why my mood is changing like that so I'm trying to figure it out.  \nCould this be a bipolar disorder?  \n\n \\- btw. I hate when someone says he has a mental health problem just for attention or because of it 'cool' or cause someone is trying to find an excuse. I'm just trying to understand myself like what is going on with me because I think it's very important. This whole bipolar feeling is ofc affecting my daily life a lot, so I wanna know if this could be some kind of disorder? Yeah, I should maybe visit a psychiatrist (Idk if it is the right term in English) but I don't feel like doing it right now.\n\n​\n\nThank you for reading, reactions, advice...  \nPS: Sorry for grammar - if there are some mistakes :)  \nPS2: Let me know if this should have been posted in different subreddit", "answer": "Also not convinced its bipolar - but it doesnt matter, its distressing you, and youre entitled to a professional opinion. Go chat to your doc.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "do7emn", "comment_id": "f5m3c4t"}, {"question": "13 years of serious joint pain with no acknowledgment from the medical community. What is it going to take to get my condition documented?", "description": "Age 36, Height 5'10, Weight 185lbs., race white, duration 13 years, no other medical issues, non-smoker. I take turmeric and fish oil daily, which have a significant positive impact on the pain level, and when these aren't enough, I take 220mg naproxen as needed.\n\nI have unmistakable symptoms of, not rheumatoid, but DEGENERATIVE arthritis in all of my synovial joints (feet, ankles, knees, hips, spine, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands, sternal region, and one of my SI joints). The symptoms are strictly mechanical: pain with physical stress, stiffness, and crepitus. I do not have the systemic symptoms associated with RA. This came on 13 years ago and has been slowly worsening over time. Although the pain in any one joint is no more than 2-3 on a 10 scale, having that pain everywhere is nothing short of miserable. The limitations it imposes have forced me to restrict my lifestyle and employment in ways that make me very unhappy. It pervades and controls everything I do. I am aware of it at all times, and my life revolves around managing it.\n\nI already know that under the current standard of care, there is nothing medicine can do to meaningfully treat my condition. What I need is to get it documented for FMLA purposes. It has taken a turn for the worse this year, and while I have yet to miss a day of work because of it, there have been a few days when I\u2019ve had serious trouble fighting through the pain. I also need a doctor\u2019s approval to violate dress code (for some reason, my joints seem to hurt less when not covered by clothing, and I would benefit from being able to wear shorts at work).\n\nTo date, since 2006, I have seen 19 doctors in specialties including primary care, podiatry, orthopedics, neurosurgery, PM&R, and rheumatology. Still not so much as a diagnosis. Instead of helping me, they have trivialized my complaints and dismissed me as a hypochondriac.\n\nThere are two factors complicating my situation:\n\nFirst, I have the OA independently in many joints at a young age (36), giving the situation the superficial appearance of being the systemic rather than degenerative type of arthritis. As a result, my interactions with medical professionals always follow the same pattern: looking at the superficialities, the primary care doctor always wants to refer me to a rheumatologist, who then wants to order the same worthless blood panel that always comes back normal. When the rheumatologist finds nothing systemically wrong, he dismisses me, often suggesting some form of psychiatric treatment, which is deeply insulting.\n\nSecond, the degree of cartilage loss is still so mild that most joints still appear normal on standard radiological studies like x-ray and MRI, which are not sensitive enough to detect OA until significant joint damage has occurred. In 2014, I asked the rheumatologist I saw to order a bone scan rather than more blood work. The radiologist report stated that I have \u201cmild radiotracer uptake in the knees, hips, feet, ankles, shoulders, acromioclavicular joints, elbows, wrists, hands, and sternomanubrial joints, is likely degenerative.\u201d The indifferent rheumatologist still dismissed me as being \u201cin remarkable health.\u201d This scan is now five years old and my condition has deteriorated significantly since.\n\nDue to the recent worsening, after five years of avoiding doctors and l, I just made another attempt at getting my condition documented for FMLA. Like every one before him, the PCP referred me to a rheumatologist, and ordered MRIs of three of the more painful areas: my neck, L shoulder, and sternal region. The neck MRI showed mild loss of disc height at two levels and mild degenerative changes in the facets at three levels. The shoulder MRI showed mild degenerative changes in the AC joint only, but not shoulder. The sternum MRI appeared normal, even though it isn\u2019t.\n\nThe rheumatologist wanted to order more blood work and I refused. He said that he was unsure whether the imaging I was enough to justify FMLA intermittent leave, but he would try. He wrote a letter to my employer that he does not believe my condition is serious enough to justify any kind of special leave. I saw another PCP a few weeks later; he tried to me to a rheumatologist, and after I said I will never see another one again, he reviewed the scans himself and said he didn\u2019t think FMLA documentation is warranted.\n\nWhat is it going to take to get acknowledgment from the medical community that there is something serious going on?", "answer": "You don't want to listen to your doctors. You also don't want advice here, and you have insulted doctors in general and posters here specifically for trying. I think there's nothing further to be said.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cs4lwy", "comment_id": "exdp1lu"}, {"question": "Why serotonin?", "description": "This might be better question for an ask a psychiatrist subreddit but I saw there isn't one today but I thought it would be good to get the opinion of therapists on this\n\nI know when clients go through therapy, therapy can be accompanied by SSRIs/sertonin re-uptake inhibitors as medication.\n\nTherapy is important for working through a client's thoughts and belief systems but what does serotonin have anything to do with improving the mental well-being of a client?\n\nI understand influencing GABA(inhibitor neurotransmitter) levels for treating anxiety but why serotonin?\n\nI think influencing dopamine levels(via herbs, supplementation, non-addictive reuptake inhibitors)  makes more sense. Dopamine generally makes you feel better(pleasure)", "answer": "Wellbutrin and Ritalin increase dopamine.  \nSeroquel does some.\n\nhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119521/\n\nThe medications that do increase dopamine are also more dangerous for overdose ( a consideration for someone who is depressed) .\n\nThey are also more commonly abused.  Ketamine works extremely well to fight (in my opinion,  cure) depression. Because of the possibility of misuse , however,  it is highly regulated .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fiw0o7", "comment_id": "fkkiidt"}, {"question": "New boyfriend believes he created the universe..", "description": "Hi everyone. I'm a new user here. I need some help trying to understand some things my new boyfriend said to me last night that have me kind of confused and concerned..\n\nSo a bit of background about him, he's 28 years old, he doesn't drink or do other drugs as he has addictions, but he does use psychedelic mushrooms on a regular basis (at least once a month) and I think that the mushrooms might be the cause of or possibly aggrevating factor to this..\n\nSo we were talking and I asked him \"why are you so mad at yourself all the time?\" Because I can always sense he's mad at himself... Well he kept saying over and over that he can't tell me... Finally I convinced him and this is what he told me..\n\nHe says he existed before the universe existed, and he kept saying he \"had nothing to do, so he had to do everything\". I asked what he meant by that, if that meant he'd given birth for example, and he said \"yes\".\n\nHe told me he created the universe and that he will destroy it, and the reason he is so mad at himself is because he feels bad about the things that humans to do each other, hurting each other, killing eachother. He somehow feels like he's responsible for that. He also told me that he has traveled through time...\n\nSo after listen to all this, and trying to get to the root of what he was getting at...I asked him when did this all start? He said for his whole life he's known there was something different with him, and then I asked him \"do you remember the moment you created the universe?\" He told me yes, he remembers that. But then he went on to describe a night when he was on mushrooms and \"saw all this\", not the moment the universe was created.I asked him if he thought any of this had a correlation with the mushrooms, and he said \"it's plausible\"..\n\nI don't know if I should be concerned, i think he genuinely believes what he told me...I don't know what I should do? He says \"he's not hurting anyone\" so it's not really a concern, but I'm a bit concerned fort myself. He had some pretty weird looks in his eyes last night, and I'm not sure what to think.. I should add he was NOT in mushrooms during the conversation and it has been about a month since he did them last.", "answer": "He had delusional thinking. That can become dangerous. What\u2019s to say this belief will cause him to minimize the importance of a human life after all? Minimize your well being? You\u2019re just a human in this universe he created after all. It\u2019s also hilariously narcissistic. \n\nDo what you want with that. He shouldn\u2019t be taking the drugs, and needs a psych evaluation. But obviously he would refuse to do that. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9a6auh", "comment_id": "e4t8rwi"}, {"question": "Friend is comatose, doctors don't know what's wrong", "description": "My friend's wife Bekah is 28 white overweight young woman. Bekah was put on the medication propanolol (propranolol) to treat a blood pressure issue in May of 2015. The same day, she bagan vomiting. She stopped taking the medication in about a week, but never stopped vomiting. She had a hard time keeping anything down for months. This constant agony led her to become depressed, and was prescribed the antidepressant amitriptyline. After a few days of taking it, she began experiencing extreme side-effects of the medication, including hallucinations and paralysis. She was transferred to a hospital where she asphyxiated on her own vomit due to staff negligence, and became comatose in late February. \nThe doctors have ruled out multiple types of illnesses and I would be interested in seeing if anyone knows of any specialists that may be on the cutting edge of either gastric/neural side effects of medications, or any other help. She is in Las Vegas. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "Strange.\n\nCould there be a possibility that she was overmedicating (either accidentally or deliberately)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fy28q", "comment_id": "danztg6"}, {"question": "Is it normal for a Urology PA to try to prescribe antidepressants/SSRIs?", "description": "(Posting this again to fix some things that I needed to fix in this) \nAge: 24\n\n\nSex: Female\n\n\nHeight: 5'1\"\n\n\nWeight: 100\n\n\nRace: Caucasian \n\n\nDuration of complaint: urinary issues for about a year, suspected interstitial cystitis. Appointment was today\n\n\nLocation on body: urethra/bladder\n\n\nCurrent medications: N/A\n\n\nNo recreational drugs, non-smoker, non-drinker\n\n\nI had a very uncomfortable urology appointment today and while one of my doctors confirmed this was really weird I kind of would like to hear from other doctors unrelated to the situation.\n\n\nI went in because my gyno suspects that I have interstitial cystitis. \n\n\nI'd like to mention he's very very specific with me about what will happen. He knows that I rely on a really precise description of what the plan is (I have really bad anxiety and sensory issues). So it was weird to me when I went in and the PA immediately scoffed and said \"it's never interstitial cystitis. They just claim that and send you off our way\". Then she insisted on pelvic floor massage which I am unable to do and I said no to because my gyno and I went over all the options and he didn't think that was even on the board of necessary ideas. She pushed and said that \"I injured my shoulder and got pelvic massage therapy and it fixed my shoulder\". \n\n\nShe claimed she had read all of my charts and medical background and asked if I was taking anything for the pain. I thought she meant Tylenol and said no because it doesn't work. She then started listing off amitriptyline and two other antidepressants/SSRIs. Then cymbalta. I got confused and told her I'm already taking savella and she asked me \"what for? What does that do?\"\n\n\nShouldn't she know what that does? It just sent off a really red flag for me because those are usually meds that you need to involve a psychiatrist for. And if she had read my file and is messing with those kinds of meds why would she mess with my antidepressant that is package insert for pain and depression? She also would've seen that I'm prescribed tramadol. \n\n\nShe also got really snotty when she asked if I had been surgically diagnosed when I said I had endometriosis which also would have been in my file/medical history. It also seems like any message from my gyno she just threw in the trash pile and came in with her mind made up that he was full of it. \n\n\nI guess I just need to know what to do. If this is normal and she just was kind of awful then okay but it really didn't feel normal. Do I tell someone about this? Who do I tell? She told me \"then just go back to your gyno and see what he says\" and (as I expected he would) he's sending me to another urologist, I imagine he's wondering why there was a problem.\n\n\nEdit: she also asked me about a bunch of food and drinks, I answered honestly that I just drink water with an occasional soda and about my food habits. Then she sent me home with a list of food to stop eating and all of it is stuff I point blank told her I don't eat. I'm just really upset because I had to drive a long way to get there, do things that will set me back anxiety-wise for days and she didn't even listen to that.\n\n\nEdit 2: There's also the unfortunate fact that the more stressed I got by her ignoring me and getting really pushy the more I started to stim. And she decided the best thing to do was start IGNORING me (I was still speaking to her, just no eye contact and moving my fingers) and only speak to my mother. I was then completely invisible.", "answer": "That sounds like a mix of multiple bad things. There\u2019s a strong whiff of functional medicine (read: quackery) in massage for everything and weird food restrictions. There\u2019s stigma against psychiatric treatment and mental illness. And there\u2019s ignorance.\n\nThere\u2019s nothing wrong with a urology PA managing antidepressants if he or she actually has expertise in those medications, but that isn\u2019t what happened here. This PA might be right about it not being interstitial cystitis, but even if so behaved so badly that you\u2019d want a second opinion anyway.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "co8ng2", "comment_id": "ewgpb5m"}, {"question": "Former roommate possibly screwed me and my credit rating. Also pretty sure he is satan.", "description": "WARNING: MASSIVE WALL OF TEXT. \n\nSo a little backstory: While attending (American University) using my G.I. Bill, I was living in a single-bedroom apartment. It wasn't bad.  Rent was good for the area, had a kitchen, washer, dryer, cable hookups.  All the things I needed.  So after a few weeks in one of out classes (chemistry, but that's not important) he notices my t-shirt, which had my last unit on it. \n\nI feel that I need to back track here.  He and I both were in the Marines. my MOS (military occupational specialty, my job for those of you who don't speak military) was Crash Fire Rescue.  I was trained to fight fires on airfields as well as provide medical aid to downed pilots, aircrew, etc.  There is more to my job than that, but that't the meat and potatoes.  His job was infantry. He was a grunt. For those of you who don't know, infantrymen, particularly Marine infantrymen, can be quite full of themselves.  There is a widely held mindset amongst the grunts that anyone who is a POG (person or personnel other than Grunt) is a weak, unmotivated, useless pussy.  \n\nNow that itsn't the case with all grunts. I personally know a few who, unless they told you, you would never know they were Marines, much less Grunts.  I digress. Once he saw my shirt, he came over to speak to me.  He seemed alright at first.  Typical grunt attitude, but I was ok with it.  You develop thick skin in the Marines, shit talk doesn't bug you.  It's all in good fun anyway.  Cut to a few weeks later, we had gone out drinking a few times, I had met his grandparents, whom he was living with while attending school, and he seemed like an alright guy.  \n\nWell one day while he as at my apartment, he comes up with the idea \"Hey. Do you think they would let you move into a 2-bedroom without breaking your lease?\" to which I respond \"I don't know, why?\" I'll skip the conversation, but the gist of it is that he was tired of driving 45 minutes to class and living in his grandparents basement (understandable), and I was open to the idea of my rent being a little cheaper and having someone else around, and it's all down hill from here folks.\n\nThe first couple of months weren't so bad.  A little bit of shit talk here, a typical roommate disagreement there (It's your turn to take out the trash, your dog peed on the carpet, please turn your TV down, etc.) Then it started to get ugly.  I didn't think much of it at first, but he would NOT pay his half of the bills/rent until I mentioned it to him.  Without fail, every single month, unless I said \"Hey, rent and bills are due\" he would not acknowledge that they exist.  So at first I think \"Well ok. He forgot what day it was. We were taking full-time class hours while both working part-time, so of course your days can blend together. Whatever.  \n\nI feel that now I need to give a little more backstory on this guy.  He had been to Afghanistan once, and his unit, who I will not name, had been involved in some heavy fighting.  He has a high disability rating through the VA but not due to combat injuries.  He is older than I am, and infantry is a very physically demanding job.  It can take it's toll on a body, some more than others.  At the time that I met him he had been out for a little over a year, and understandably had put on some weight.  Kind of hard to exercise when your knee barely supports your weight and you have the hips of a 90 year old man. \n\nI should also mention that this guy LOVED him some guns.  Now I am not antigun.  I own a few.  I like to shoot them from time to time, and I am a hunter.  This guy however, was what most people would consider a \"gun nut\".  He has more money in his guns than I have in my car.  Well about time of Sandy Hook, his true colors started to show.  I wasn't a huge fan of the proposed legislation, but I will leave it like that.  This isn't one of those posts.  Roommate, however, went full blown Patriot Revolutionary Conspiracy Theory on me.  \n\nStarted telling me things like \"You need to get an AR-15\" (at the time I didn't have one, because I had other financial responsibilities.)  He would start making a list for me (making a list FOR ME) of guns, tactical gear, survival stuff, etc for me to buy.  It was as if he was making the list for himself, but he was making it for me. He would have \"gun surgery\" time where he would add his new attachments, or upgrade parts of his guns, and would expect me to drop what I was doing (usually homework. I was a biology major) and come assist him.\n\nAfter a while I started telling him I wasn't interested in holding his new gun, or playing with his rifle after he put a fore grip on it (it's not THAT much different.) I told him it was weird that he was making lists of things I needed, and he would respond with weird statements that weren't wrong, but didn't address the question.  For example, when I finally got my AR, he comes into my room and says \"So I got a list together of what you need for your rifle.\" and proceeds to read it. (sling, optic, etc) and I was all like \"Dude. Wtf. Dude. No. What? That's fucking weird man.  \n\n\"What do you mean?\" he asks. \"Dude. Don't make list of things for me. That's fucking weird.\" I say. \"Well is it any different that what you thought you needed?\" He responds, a little agitated. It wasn't much different, but that isn't the point. On another occasion, he texted me about this modification that can be done to a pistol trigger to make it break cleaner (It sounded a little sketchy and I wasn't on board.) He tells me he is going to do it to my pistol, and naturally I tell him no, fuck off.  He says he is gonna do it anyway, because he needs me to be as prepared and have the most effective gear that I can have. WTF.\n\nAs you can tell at this point shit is getting weird.  I will now address how it was just dealing with this guy.  Have you ever met someone who had an extremely high opinion of themselves?  Imagine that, multiply it by 100.  This guy thought he was god's gift to the earth.  It was his world, and we were all just living in it.  He never missed an opportunity to remind you that he knew something you didn't, had done something impressive, or that you were wrong about something.  He would argue with a fucking stump.  Keep in mind that at this point he is overweight, in terrible shape, and his body is all but broken. \n\nGod forbid I mention anything to this guy.  Career plans, interests, opinions.  He was real quick to inform me that \"Dude. Don't join the National Guard and go to Ranger school. Rangers are fucking useless.\" or \"There is no point in having a two wheel drive truck. It's fucking useless. If you get one I'll slash your tires.\" Or my favorite \"If your dog isn't house trained in two weeks, she's gone.\" If my (at the time) 5 week old puppy isn't housebroken in two weeks? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE? \n\nEven just regular conversations with this guy were impossible.  I would get home from class/work and have something that I felt was worth sharing and he would respond with silence. \"Hey man, did you hear me?\" \"Yeah, that was just too fucking stupid to respond to.\" But damnit, when he wanted to talk, the whole world better listen the fuck up. At this point you must be wondering why I still lived with the guy. We're getting there. \n\nI mentioned before that he was a Grunt and I am a POG.  It is considered normal and almost required that when the two meet, the Grunt gives the POG a little shit.  Like I said, all in good fun.  I feel that I must stress that NEITHER OF US WERE IN THE MARINES when we met, and as far as I was concerned, we were in the same position. Both full time students working really shitty part time jobs.  Regardless, he continued to hold it over my head that he had seen combat (which I had also seen, though not to the degree that he had) and that POGs were useless (he seemed to think that quite a few things were useless). He also had a way of patronizing everybody about everything. He often times assumed that I did not know what I was talking about and would speak to me as if I were a child. My girlfriend slapped him the first time she met him. \n\nHe would publicly insult me, especially if he met another Marine who was a Grunt.  One moment in particular stands out.  We met al old Vietnam Marine who was also a Grunt, and he poked a little fun at me. I laughed, he laughed, roommate laughed.  It was funny.  I love meeting old Vets.  Well 15 minutes into this conversation, the topic had shifted to football (it was football season) and roommate is still cracking on my status as a POG every chance he gets.  I'm getting a little irritated at this point, because it has gone past fun and into just mean.  \n\nFast forward to about 2 months ago.  I was at the end of my rope with this shit.  It was like he thought I was his girlfriend and he was some sort or controlling abusive boyfriend.  I had had enough.  Enough of the insults, the weird list making, the clingy attitude (this dude never wanted to leave the apartment unless I went, and he would get pissed if I went somewhere but didn't tell him where or why).  I was fucking done.  One night he had pushed me pretty far anyway with his usual shit, so I was already mad.  Well my dog (who he didn't get rid of) accidentally knocked over his cup that was on the ground.\n\nHe proceeds to beat the shit out of this poor animal.  I lost it.  I spartan kicked him right in his ass, mounted him MMA style and started wailing on him as hard as I could. It ended with him yelling for me to stop and a while later the cops showed up.  We told them we had a little tussle, but everything was fine now.  He left me alone for a while after that.  You would think it would have been over. NOPE.\n\nHe comes out of the blue one day and tells me he accepted a job in a city about an hour and a half away and that WE would be able to transfer to an apartment down there. (It was owned by the same company or some shit.) I was a bit taken aback and didn't really respond with more that \"Wh-huh?\". \"It's all good dude. There is an airport down there, your certs are still good right? You can get hired on there.\" he says.  I am flabbergasted at this point. \n\n\"I'M NOT FUCKIN MOVING TO (city) WITH YOU! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WE'RE ON A LEASE HERE!\" He just kind of looked at me like I was stupid. Like I was the one with the crazy idea. \"Well dude it's better down there. It's by the ocean, you would make bank at the airport, and property is cheap there. We can both take out our VA Home Loan and get a nice place.\" \"DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK. NO. I'm not fucking dropping out of school to work at a damn airport.\" \"Well there is a (university) Campus there too.\" \"NO. NO. WHAT THE FUCK. NO.\" \n\nWell we eventually came to the end of this argument, and we had to break the lease on the apartment, which is expensive. He did not offer any assistance with moving my things, especially after I refused his idea of getting one truck, driving it down to his new place, then driving it all the way back to my parent's place. (because it would be \"cheaper\". Yeah. For him.) I mentioned that breaking the lease would be expensive.  We moved in and were given 1 month free for a year long lease. Well we had to pay that back, plus the lease break fee, plus rent for the remaining time (You have to put in a 30 day notice) SO basically 3 months of rent plus utilities and power.  \n\nThroughout all this drama I missed my enrollment and advisement window so I am not in school this semester. Incidentally I DID take a firefighting job but that is a different story. Now we come to the best part. I paid my half of the moving expenses the day we moved out. He said he would mail a check, since he didn't have the money then. Well I got a letter a few days ago stating that they want X amount of money by X date or they will turn it over to a collection agency.\n\nConfused, I called them.  Turns out that he had been dodging their calls, and never mailed them his half, even though he told me he did. He is avoiding my calls now, because he fucking knows I know. I had to work out an agreement to pay the apartments the rest in installments because I can't cover the EVEN MORE fees that got piled on to this. \n\nThis fucking guy. I swear. I am a pretty trusting person, and I am way to forgiving. I let this go on for longer than it should have, and now I am paying for it. It's looking like I may end up eating his half of the fees just to keep the collectors off of me. To think that this asshole has such little respect for me. I can't even fathom the words. It hurts. It hurt my feelings, and it especially hurt my bank account. \n\n\n\n\nTL;DR: Moved in with someone without really knowing them. Was treated like shit, ultimately had to post-pone school and spend a huge chunk of my savings just to be rid of the fucker and keep my credit score in tact. \n\nLesson to be learned: DO NOT SIGN A LEASE WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME. \n\nSorry if I rambled or if parts didn't make sense.", "answer": "Holy shit.  I'm sorry.  Sounds like a total psycho.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1k9rqy", "comment_id": "cbmrnvd"}, {"question": "Being a better college student", "description": "I'm not failing any of my classes but I just need help on becoming a more proactive and better college student. It feels like I can't ever sit down and focus, I always distract myself with other things (reddit)\n\nI procrastinate every assignment and then end up stressing the hell out of myself (already have bad anxiety) The assignments I do procrastinate are all shit(imo) when I turn them in. \n\nWhenever I do have open time, i always blow my homework off. I'm not keeping myself in check and I want to get back on track. What can I do To stay focused/on track and better my grades to be a better college student? \n\nThanks ", "answer": "The author David Foster Wallace was known to physically remove the parts of his laptop that could be used to connect him to the internet.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "231b5g", "comment_id": "cgsflzc"}, {"question": "Unqualified advice", "description": "Don't you just hate constantly hearing unqualified advice from different people like social workers and teachers etc. I'm also talking about \"Professionals\" like therapists and psychiatrists. It's always these coping tools that annoy me the most... i appreciate that people care but you really should be more understanding and caring versus trying to solve peoples problems. I wouldn't give a soldier with PTSD advice because I don't have any experience with such a trauma.", "answer": "As a therapist, it's our jobs to help people get better.  The overwhelming majority of folks coming through my door are coming to find answers to problems that they haven't been able to figure out.  Some people just want a sounding board.  If that's what they want and they state that, I'll listen, until I see that they keep repeating the same cycle of behaviors causing the problem.  If they want answers, I'll educate.  At the end of the day, a therapeutic relationship is still a relationship.  You're going to get feedback (from any professional worth their credentials).  On top of that, sometimes you might not like or agree with the feedback, too bad, that's part of having an actual authentic relationship, personal, professional, or otherwise or else you might as well just be talking to a brick wall.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6xg6pc", "comment_id": "dmfnpxr"}, {"question": "Being in a relationship is tough, so I made a list of stuff to work on myself to be a better boyfriend/person.", "description": "**Things to work on:**\n\n---------\n\n\n**Don't correct people on little things**\n\n\n- Help when asked is alright\n- Have a conversation on what doesn't cross boundaries\n\n\n\n**Don't dismiss how someone feels.**\n\n\n- You have a different perspective and history\n\n\n\n**Observe when a conversation becomes an unnecessary argument**\n\n\n- It doesn't matter that much\n- Being \"right\" is not more important than your relationship\n\n\n\n**Make sure to never imply that friends/family don't support when they do**\n\n\n\n**For an upcoming event, plan the day beforehand:**\n\n\n- Cost and how that will be handled\n- Do we both have the time for it?\n- Time spent there\n\n\n\nSomething that I understood a while ago but saw Terry Crews talk about it in an interview:\n\n\"**It's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time.** And what happens is you've been taught- like men have this thing like \"You must control your world, you control these things, and to be a man you must have control\" but you can't control other people and people get it mixed up.\"\n\n**\"-You  telling everyone what to do doesn't make you the boss, you doing everything thing you told yourself to do makes you the boss.\" -[Terry Crews](https://youtu.be/o7f1HVFpRPI)**\n\n\n------\n\n\nSome of these are just things I've grown up around and I don't know how much I've done of them but **I try my damndest not to be like my abuser(s), ever.**\n\nThe last part, I've always issues controlling myself and tried and tried and then I found out about my adhd and I'm proud of my progress.\n\n\n**We have issues with self control but, that doesn't mean we get to harm others. Working on ourselves is tough, not impossible.**\n\n-----\n\n**TLDR: Find out what you're doing that can harm your relationship with others and work on it.**\n\n\n\n----\n\nUpdate! I'm trans and my s/o has been so supportive & loving. We also got married. Now that I am getting better at fully expressing myself without having to Google translate my thoughts into the other gender, I've been able to continue to grow as a person.     \nStill working on my adhd stuff but the adhd meds & now the hormones have helped me so much with having the energy to function and having confidence in my self expression.    \n\nI hope you all are doing wonderfully.    \nMuch love, Mars", "answer": "I feel you with the \"don't correct people\". I do that all the time and I hate it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b3nk6k", "comment_id": "ej3s2z2"}, {"question": "Guidance on Farmed Salmon Portion v Mercury", "description": "I had asked [***this question***](https://www.reddit.com/r/nutrition/comments/56zazx/guidance_on_farmed_salmon_portion_v_mercury/) at r/nutrition, but maybe this is the better place.\n\n***tl/dr: Can anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day M-F is in any way approaching any of the Mercury warnings?\n***\nLast year I began adding canned sardines to my morning breakfast plate to boost my fish-oil, protein and Vit-A and hopefully mitigate some Seasonal Affect symptoms I had found becoming more persistent each fall/winter.\n\nAs spring arrived I experimented a bit and replaced the sardines with kippers.  Not a significant taste change, but overall I found the fish portion next to my omelette to be something I looked forward to more and more.\n\nMost recently I realized that for the same basic cost of the 5+ cans of kippers or sardines each week, I can buy 1 medium sized farmed salmon filet.  I then carve that into 5 equal portions and saute 1 portion each morning with my sausage patty.\n\n...but what about Mercury?\n\nSo far the simple Google research seems to indicate that \"wild-caught\" Pacific salmon are considered very low in Mercury and don't really have \"portion-restrictions\" with regards to Mercury.\n\nMy impression would be that \"farm-raised\" salmon would be better still having been raised in \"controlled-conditions.\"\n\nCan anyone offer insight or reference to if 1/5th a farm salmon portion per day M-F is in any way approaching any of the Mercury warnings?", "answer": "No idea - but I suspect that you are worrying about something that has relatively small risks to your health relative to the myriad of other factors that affect all of us in our daily lives.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "570kqs", "comment_id": "d8p9ufe"}, {"question": "Acquired alcohol intolerance?", "description": "I am 21 and I have been drinking since I was 17. I usually drink a couple of beers once a week or get slightly drunk at parties (once every one or two months). Never had any problems until two weeks ago. I only drank a glass of rum+cola and, although I was feeling perfectly fine, when I came back home like 3-4 hours later I had to vomit (it was rather violent and very unpleasant). Then again the same thing happened to me yesterday but I only had 40 cl of beer. I know the beer was of good quality because I drank straight from the bottle. I was also feeling perfectly normal, until maybe 4-5 hours later when I was already asleep and was awaken by the necessity to vomit (it was also violent and for half an hour it made me feel really sick).\n\nWhat are your thoughts on this one? I will most probably go to the doctor but just wanted to know how common (or weird) this might be. Thank you!", "answer": "Not uncommon - admittedly I can't remember why it happens. Your doctor will probably say you should simply avoid alcohol for a bit and let your body recover.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5310uo", "comment_id": "d7p8iq7"}, {"question": "I'm a 24 F who lives with a 24M. Does anyone have experience breaking up with someone they live with?", "description": "Hey guys. I've been dating my bf for 4 years, lived with him for 1. In the past couple months I've come to the really painful decision of realizing I need to break up with him. \n\nI love him a lot, but he has been casually rude/mean to me on a regular basis for the last year or so. Anytime I bring it up he acts like it's just my perception of things, he doesn't need to change his behavior, and I need to just deal with my feelings. It's been making me feel crazy for a while, and I'm sick of living like this. I've tried to talk to him about it seriously several times, but he always blows me off/doesn't take me seriously. I don't think he's ever going to change, to the point I doubt he's going to take me seriously initially  when I break up with him.\n\nHowever, several things. I've never broken up with anyone before, we live together, and we just got a new roommate a week ago. It's bad timing, but I don't really want to stay in this situation longer for it to be good timing. I've picked a weekend two weeks from now to do it because he's got a rough week at work this week/weekend, and I don't want to do it during the week so he's stuck going to work right after a breakup.\n\n We've vaguely talked about this possibility in the past. Since my name is on the lease our agreement was that he'd take 30 days to move out, regardless of who broke up with who. I'm willing to give him longer if he needs it. But since I've never done this before, is there anything else I should watch out for besides general shittiness/heartbreak on everyone's part?\n\nTL;DR Have you broken up with a partner you lived with? What did you wish you could tell yourself about the experience before doing it?", "answer": "I was in a very similar situation several years ago: dated for 5 years, lived together for about 2, and once the relationship was tanking he said he'd move out, as I was also the primary person on the lease and all the furniture was mine, in a relatively big apartment. He was also rude and dismissive.\n\nBut when I made the call to end it, he wasn't particularly interested in leaving. Most likely because I was making the final call, not him. He initially wanted to still live there as just a roommate, but after a week it was clearly a terrible idea. I had to maintain a very calm, polite, but somewhat cold approach and keep re-iterating that he needed to move out. We talked about how I could move out instead, sort of, but we both knew that didn't make sense. He would have had nothing in a huge empty apartment, and didn't really have the means to fill it with furniture immediately. There were lots of awkward discussions. It was stressful. Eventually he left. There was arguing over stuff, even though it seemed like all our belongings were clearly his or hers. I let him take stuff I should not have, just to get him out, not sure if that was better or stupid.\n\nEveryone reacts differently to a break-up, but I think your best approach is to be calm but very very firm on your boundaries. Set a plan and stick to it. GOOD LUCK.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3ji1qb", "comment_id": "cupgn4t"}, {"question": "i\u2019m unstable (tw)", "description": "i\u2019m unstable, i\u2019m not depressed but i\u2019m unstable. At least i don\u2019t think i\u2019m depressed. It\u2019s just one minute i\u2019m laughing and loving being alive and the next i\u2019m shaking, slitting lines down my leg, digging my fingernails in my neck and crying. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t know how to ask for help because i don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me. I don\u2019t want people to see me laughing at the good times and just tell me i\u2019m fine and think i\u2019m lying about the other bad parts like every other shrink i\u2019ve been to has done. People don\u2019t take me seriously so there\u2019s no point in asking for help. I\u2019ve been like this for years and it\u2019s only now getting bad again. I\u2019ve been several months clean up until today. I don\u2019t know what to do. I feel fucking crazy. someone help me please", "answer": "There\u2019s an untrue assumption that most people have that you can\u2019t have two opposite emotions at the same time. That\u2019s bull crap, you can totally be happy and laughing at the exact time that you are in great pain on the inside. You can have moments of connection, happiness, laughter but still have depression. What are 3 things that you need to do to make your environment safe? What are 3 things you can do to distract yourself or take your mind off of this so that you can stop the spiraling thoughts you have? Try to do that, take some deep breaths. There is no shame in asking for help, and if a professional or a friend makes you feel shame or doesn\u2019t believe your pain, that is their problem and NOT yours! You deserve to connect with somebody who will see your pain, listen and validate you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "butjxo", "comment_id": "ephneth"}, {"question": "I need help/advice about my girlfriend. This is my first serious relationship I've been in and I feel like we're coming apart.", "description": "This is the first serious relationship I've been in. We've been together for almost a year now. And we're kind of growing apart. We've discussed it, and she just feels like we've been having the same conversation for months now. She says that she wants to talk to someone who doesn't know every detail about her life and who will ask her meaningful questions to make her think. I just wanted some advice on how I could turn things around for us. I guess maybe how to spice up our conversations so she doesn't feel like she needs to go to someone else to have a good conversation. Any and all serious advice will be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "Go experience new things together.  Hang out in groups of other people.  Broaden your hobbies and social activities both individually and as a couple.  This will give you plenty of new things to talk about.  I don't have the study, but I seem to remember reading that sharing new experiences is one of the main things that keeps relationships thriving.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2tql15", "comment_id": "co1gkvr"}, {"question": "how do I talk to people", "description": "I can only talk to someone if they have something I need.  whether I need to borrow something, or ask them a question.  \n\nI can't just strike up a random conversation with a stranger.  And there is no way in hell I can make a friend from that.  \n\nI just freeze up and stutter and just look like a fool.  ", "answer": "This [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) is basically exactly what you're looking for. Good luck, and don't forget to practice! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13x0hg", "comment_id": "c782s94"}, {"question": "Should I talk to my therapist about drug use? (British)", "description": "I\u2019m meant to be starting therapy next month (after about a 3 month wait - big \u2764\ufe0f to NHS). I suffer from depression and social anxiety. \n\nI don\u2019t really have a drug problem per se but I do every week or so smoke a few joints or do coke/MD and I always feel so horrible afterwards but can never avoid doing it. Can i talk about this in confidence? ", "answer": "When you get started ask them to explain what rights you have to confidentiality and what the limits are.  They should give you all the details of what and how they would have to disclose certain information.\n\nI'm not sure about confidentiality laws in the UK as to why I said that.  In the U.S., if you are old enough to consent to your own treatment (varies state to state) everything is kept confidential (including disclosure of illegal activity).  The only time a therapist would be legally obligated to share information with anyone else is if you either (signed a release saying the therapist could), stated you had a plan to cause serious harm to yourself or others, or disclosed information about a child being abused.\n\nHope this helps.  Honestly, it's always best to be honest with your therapist.  They're there to help you in the best way they can.  Drug experimentation, use, abuse, dependence are all going to have a certain level of impact on your ability to function and symptoms so it's important for your shrink to know what they're working with.  Best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "80qarm", "comment_id": "duxfs4k"}, {"question": "Question for Oncologists/Radiologists etc: There are products on the market that claim to block radiation from cell phones to make them less harmful. To your knowledge, are such products effective?", "description": "I\u2019m referring to the stickers that one could put in one\u2019s pocket, phone cases, holsters, etc. ", "answer": "The evidence of any harmful radiation from cell phones is scant and disputed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ez41q", "comment_id": "e5st9nj"}, {"question": "Is it possible for me [23F] to develop feelings for new guy [23M]?", "description": "So I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now. He's really sweet, thoughtful and caring. He's met my parents and is great with them. Very friendly and I have fun with him. But I feel like something is missing. I don't know what. I feel like sometimes it's still awkward and I don't know what to talk about. I guess we just haven't had any really deep emotional connection yet. I've always fallen for complete assholes and I'm tired of it and just kind of hoping something will change and we'll really find that connection but do you think it should've happened by now? How long should it take to feel that connection? I don't know what to do\nTL;DR: been dating guy for month and a half and don't feel anything for him. Could I still develop feelings for him? ", "answer": "it's possible. give it another month and see if deeper feelings develop. it's not something we can force.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kgmhq", "comment_id": "dbns3lq"}, {"question": "The meds Zoloft and Lexapro and small dosage of valum made my sister crazy.", "description": "My sister came to my place seemingly paranoid something was wrong with my parents. She was convinced my dad and mom had something wrong with them/ there relationship/ there lives as if something new had happened. By the end of the night she was talking about being brainwashed by flushots. She's in the care of professionals but I feel lost and it's been a few days and she still seems to believe things that are not true. And I'm sad to see this I felt with this from like 4 on to like 3 the next day she was up and down memory loss upset and panoid off and on.\n\nPlease I need information she was on the Zoloft for a long time then ended up on lexapro then benzos for the switch? I feel like I'm not getting the info I need she's still out of it.", "answer": "Not sure what's going on actually. Not convinced it's psychosis in itself (though can't exclude it either). Doesn't seem related to the medication.\n\nHas this ever happened before? Any alcohol or drug history? ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "76f9ox", "comment_id": "doe4dvc"}, {"question": "Should i up to 50mg of sertraline", "description": "Age:18\nMale\nSuffer severe anxiety and panic disorder \n\nHey my doctor prescribed me 50mg a day of sertraline and i decided to ease myself in by starting on 25mg as my body is sensitive and im very scared of taking new meds , ive been taking this for 4 days now and feel ready to up to the 50mg, is this okay to do now?", "answer": "In brief, unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, yes. It's common to start at 50 mg.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f01yem", "comment_id": "fgqzktb"}, {"question": "NewB", "description": "New to this, I drink every night and  I am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. I have often made any excuse for my drinking. I work hard, I only drink at home blah blah blah. I am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when I did not have this problem. I am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. I have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if I do not pass out I do not remember more and more.  I could go on and on. This is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "I hope SD is as helpful to you as it has been to me   \n\nGood luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "e7s4ldj"}, {"question": "Hospitalization gone horribly wrong", "description": "\nI had been seeing a therapist once a month for several years as a \"life coach\" to help me with various self-improvement issues. Although I sometimes felt down, like when I couldn't find a real job for 9 months after grad school, I was never formally diagnosed with depression. This post is a tangent to the excellent post today by violetcode, because it is my own worst ever experience.\n\nIn 2009, I became involved in a lawsuit that required incredible amounts of effort on my part; I was representing myself. I was unemployed as a result of action taken by the defendants, so I had plenty of time. But I went overboard; I ended up losing touch with the outside world after staying up for five days straight working on the case and consuming gallons of Diet Dr. Pepper.\n\nWith each day of no sleep it became more and more impossible to actually sleep. On the night after the fifth day, I had a full blown psychotic episode. This prompted my parents, with whom I was living during my unemployment, to drive me to my therapist for a meeting.\n\nRather than saying \"you are having a psychotic episode; what you believe is not real.  You need immediate help,\" they took what I would call a postmodern approach.  They said such things as \"So...tell us why you believe you are President of the United States. Hmm, that\u2019s interesting. Oh, you have a vision of the future in which you are crucified on national television? You're afraid of being seen in public while this is being broadcast? Guess what? We have the perfect place for you to 'hide out' for a while! A hospital!\" Me: um...it sounds like you're telling me I need to go on some sort of medication. Can't I just see a psychiatrist? \"Well, actually the hospital would be the best place for you in this situation because we can't think of anyone to refer you to on such short notice and your situation requires prompt attention. By the way, here is a power of attorney that will let us make health care decisions for you in the event you become incapacitated!\" Me: ok, I trust your unanimous professional judgment (Dad is a doctor and Mom is a psychologist. What are the odds?) and so yes, I\u2019ll sign the power of attorney and go to the hospital to \"hide out for a while\" until this broadcast blows over.\n\nWorst. Decision. EVER.\n\nWhen I get to the hospital, the ER triage nurse and my Dad sit me down in a tiny room. The nurse tries to get me to admit that I am about to kill myself or others. I repeatedly deny any such intentions.\n\nNext thing I remember, I\u2019m alone in an ER room. I'm in a gown and holding a large plastic jug. Evidently, they've told me to provide a urine sample. I can't manage to do it (I'm dehydrated) and it feels like a violation anyway. My Dad and a nurse come back in the room and ask why I haven't given the sample. I say I respectfully decline. They ask for a blood sample, to which I grudgingly agree.\n\nAbout a half hour later, the nurse comes back in and makes some vague comments about the results. I ask what she means. She says just take this pill and you'll start feeling better. \"Dad, do you think I should take this?\u201d \"Yes, son.\" \"Ok Dad, I trust you.\"\n\nSecond worst decision ever.\n\nThey gave me an instantly dissolving and powerful antipsychotic pill. Instead of having the intended effect, it produced the equivalent of an allergic reaction. My brain, already in an elevated state, soared to dizzying heights I\u2019d never felt before. This must be what meth is like. I had another psychotic episode, this time with the embarrassment of it happening in front of my Dad. The ER psychologist is blabbing about something or other (I'm having a turbo boosted firehose of paranoid psychotic thoughts that mow down all my other sensory input, so I have no idea what she says).\n\nI regain some composure and firmly grasp the rail on the side of the bed. I tell the psychologist this is bullshit-- I didn't sign up for this.  I say maybe I'll just get up and leave the hospital, because this is total bullshit.\n\nMy Dad and the psychologist excuse themselves and have a private conversation in the hallway. The nurse comes in a few minutes later and gives me another pill. At this point I'll do anything to make this crazy situation stop. I take the pill.\n\nThird worst decision ever.\n\nI wake up groggy in a moving ambulance with a sheet over my head. WTF? I lower the sheet and see an EMT. I say, \"how are you doing?\" He practically jumps.  I guess people aren't supposed to wake up from the knockout pill until later.\n\nI\u2019m wheeled into a different hospital. The firehose effect is gone, but I still have delusions of grandeur. This is the same as I felt earlier in the day before I went to the hospital. It must be late at night because I see no other patients. I'm given my street clothes back and sign some forms. More pills. I luck out and get a single room, and I peacefully go to sleep despite having visions of demonic figures.\n\nThen the real fun begins.\n\nMy next memory is finding myself in the hall in a supplicating position, as if praying, in front of the door to the arts and crafts room. I have a sixth sense that there's a portal to another dimension in one of the other rooms, so I walk in. I'm surprised to find about ten guys in there, all sound asleep. I flip the lights on and start looking at the ceiling where the portal is supposed to be. Not finding it, I turn off the lights, go back to my room, and fall asleep.\n\nI would later review my medical records and learn that at that point I declined all medication, which made the situation far worse. I started having the most incredible visions, like playing Doom 3 in real life except in four dimensions; traveling across time; finding power ups; fighting battles in Hell; meeting John Carmack; winning the Turing award, creating new words in the English language, etc. At one point I thought I was God and would destroy anything I looked at, kind of like Cyclops from the X-Men, so I kept my eyes firmly shut and had to be led around the ward.\n\nThe next couple of days are a blur. A noteworthy event was waking up in a different room. It's a single, but it has a video camera, the lights are on, and there are no light switches anywhere. I'm even more surprised to see my brother sitting next to me reading a book. He would later note in his log that I babbled some nonsense to him and passed out.\n\nMy next memory is my Dad and the staff psychiatrist appearing in my room. Dad explains the need for me to take medication. I take the pills.\n\nOn my fourth day in the hospital, I wake up and can form memories from that point forward. I come out of my room and finally see the other patients. They sound and look fine as they give their names at the daily \u201ccommunity meeting.\u201d However, when they get to me I am unable to say my own name. I close my eyes, put my brain in turbo mode, and try to communicate telepathically with my brother. This must be intense because I can feel the heat coming off my face and my shirt is wet. I must look like a ticking bomb, because some nurses approach and say my name rather urgently. I don't respond. I abruptly get up and walk back to my room and pass out.\n\nI start feeling better on day five. On the one hand, I miss the incredibly cool \"dreams\" I had been having. On the other hand, my rational mind wonders where I am. Someone mentions that the walking group is going outside today. I ask one of the nurses about going on the walk.  She says, \"well, I think you're here on an involuntary hold, so I'll have to check on that.\"\n\nOH NO!\n\nThis whole time, I had thought this was all voluntary. I voluntarily went to the hospital on the advice of a professional with whom I was voluntarily working. I voluntarily signed a power of attorney. I voluntarily participated in the ER tests. I voluntarily took the pills they gave me. I voluntarily jumped through all the hoops like a good monkey. And what do they do? They repay me with the dreaded \"5150.\u201d\n\nThe doctor and I meet. I give him a clear history of the stressors that led me to this point. I say I always believed this hospitalization was going to be voluntary, I came voluntarily, I have never had any intention of harming myself or others, and I\u2019ll do whatever it takes to get better. Next thing I know I'm signing different forms than I did initially, and these clearly state I'm voluntarily admitting myself and can leave anytime. Why didn't they give me these forms to start with?\n\nOver the next three days of my eight day stay, I get better and leave with a glowing assessment.\n\nUnder state law, a person can be 5150'ed for one of two reasons.  First, the person is a danger to himself or others. Second, the person is \"gravely disabled\" which means he can't care for himself in the real world. Luckily (relatively speaking) they hit me with \"gravely disabled.\"\n\nMy problem with the whole affair is the way I was manipulated into going to the hospital \"voluntarily\" and then changed to involuntary detention for no discernible reason. I mean, duh, when you give someone a knockout pill, it is going to gravely disable him and he's not going to be able to care for himself. The 5150 was also unnecessary, because I had signed a power of attorney in which my decisions were supposed to be made for me if I had diminished capacity.\n\nThe official diagnosis was \"brief reactive psychosis.\" A condition in which a person becomes psychotic due to a traumatic event or other factors but returns to normal functioning within a reasonable period of time. No underlying mental illness.\n\nState law says that having psychotic beliefs alone is not enough to involuntarily detain someone. I would have been better off politely declining the hospital and firmly insisting on a referral to a psychiatrist on an outpatient basis.\n\nIn conclusion, because I trusted my therapist, trusted my parents, and trusted the system to take the appropriate steps to treat my condition, I got fucked. Lesson learned.\n", "answer": "I don't mean to minimalize your experience, as I'm sure it was very scary for you, but honestly- it does sound like your parents and therapist (therapist or life coach? They are completely different things) did the right thing. If you were experiencing pretty severe depression and a psychotic episode- you weren't really in touch completely with reality, and hospitalization most likely was the best course of action.\n\nThat doesn't mean it can't be scary, and maybe the staff you had contact with weren't the best. However, anti-psychotics still have pretty nasty side effects, but they do make one lucid. You noted that without the medication you had some pretty serious psychotic symptoms. \n\nIt really does sound like your parents and therapist did the best thing for you. Afterall, you are no longer psychotic. If you had gone to an outpatient psychiatrist, A.) you probably would have had to wait a while, and B.) you may have discontinued the meds like you tried to do in the hospital. So again- overall, the hospital, while scary, was probably the best choice.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sapqb", "comment_id": "c4ck8w8"}, {"question": "My (M24) girlfriend (F24) wants to move in together but I'm not sure....", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for just shy of 2 years at this point and our leases are over in November. She brought up the idea of moving across town and getting an apartment together but I am really not sure about it.\n\nWe have a great relationship, loving, supportive, really, truly, we click. The problem is that I really like having my space. \n\nThat's not to say I don't want to move in with her eventually but that wasn't in the plans for at least another year.\n\nAt what point in your relationship was it time to move in together? We're there signs? A certain amount of time together? \n\nTLDR: when is it time to move in together and when did you know? ", "answer": "after 2 years people are usually ready for the next step. you have to ask yourself what you really feel and want from this rel. and be honest with her if there's no future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b3xnq", "comment_id": "dhjjwqw"}, {"question": "So I gambled away $400 tonight", "description": "Would meds stop me from needing that kind of rush? When I have been on meds I haven't gambled anywhere near as much or felt urges to gamble.", "answer": "Depends on the medication.  Antidepressants might help curb the desire to escape the depression through gambling.  The \"rush\" is a different experience though, and mood stabilizers like lithium or other meds often prescribed for bipolar symptoms might help curb the urges/cravings, especially if one is feeling manic in other ways.\n\nInterestingly, some research demonstrates *Naltrexone* and *N-Acetyl cysteine*(over the counter!) can be helpful in affecting gambling urges. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1b8f7r", "comment_id": "c94nssf"}, {"question": "Patient program options?", "description": "I have been in in-patient programs at both public and private facilities. This is not something I would like to do again (due to personal reasons, and the fact that it has not been effective for me). \n\nHowever, I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a community in-patient program? \n\nAlthough expensive, it seems like a better option than laying at home wishing for death. I take medication daily, see a psychologist and psychiatrist regularly, and do my best to engage in life (when I can get out of bed).\n\nIf anyone has ever done something like this before, could you please share your personal experience? \n\nThanks", "answer": "Look into intensive outpatient programs (IOPs). They meet several times a week for therapy, but you get to go home at the end of the day. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "115j17", "comment_id": "c6jmyoh"}, {"question": "Is the primary doctor allowed to order the blood test?", "description": "My dad\nage: 62\nlocation: USA, WA, Bellingham\napproximate height & weight: 5'9\", 230 lbs\ngender: male\nmedications you take: metformin\nsmoking status: non-smoker\nprevious and current medical issues: pre-diabetes, blood clot in leg, chronic cough, prostate cancer\nduration and location of complaint: 5+ years? prostate\n\n...\n\nThe question is whether his primary doctor (PCP) is allowed to order the \"4K\" test for prostate cancer.\nHis medical insurance says his primary doctor is allowed, and the test is covered.\nThe place that makes the test says that **any** doctor is allowed to order the test.\nThe doctor's office says that his doctor is **not** allowed because dr is not licensed (for oncology?).\nHe was referred to a specialist, and has already taken the \"4K\" test with the specialist, but he doesn't have the money to pay for an appointment with the specialist at this time, and won't for the foreseeable future. The doctor's office has been informed of this.\n\n\n...\n\nCan I get any clarification on this issue in this sub, or does it belong in legal advice, or financial advice, or some other sub? Who is right?\n\nThanks\n\nEDIT: This is for a second 4K test after 6 months time, for tracking purposes. He opted not to get surgery after finding that the test isn't necessarily a conclusive indication of cancer and he says he feels perfectly fine.", "answer": "I don't even know what allowed means here. Legal, insurance, and clinic policy can all disagree. In any case, there's an obvious solution: it looks like your dad already had the test done and the specialist he can't afford to see again has the results. Fortunately, doctors can share records with each other \\(probably once your dad signs consent\\). Problem solved without a redundant test.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gls78", "comment_id": "dycr2bp"}, {"question": "Reporting rape on a college campus?", "description": "Has anyone had any experience with this? I'm at the crossroads on whether I go forward, and if the investigation comes to rape; then my rapist will be expelled. I'm absolutely terrified of retaliation, and so unsure of what to do.", "answer": "I am also a former college administrator, and while what the other poster says is true, it's also not the whole story.  The college's priority is protecting itself from lawsuits-- that means a lot of things that won't seem fair might happen.  For example, if you are in the same dorm as the person who perpetrated against you, you would be the one who is asked to move if you don't want to be in the same vicinity, because nothing is yet proven against the perpetrator. Similarly for classes, etc.  A no contact order can be put in place, but that often won't help with the more insidious friend-of-a-friend harassment.\nBe prepared for a lot of people to question your account of things, and if your school's judicial board is not well trained (many are not-- in fact, most) they will ask questions that are invasive and down right victim blaming. \nThe process will likely be lengthy, and even if your perpetrator is found guilty, that doesn't necessarily mean expulsion-- often it can mean a suspension until the victim graduates, a suspension for a year, etc. \n\nI don't say this to discourage you from reporting, but rather to give you a realistic perspective. The school's priority is itself, not you, I am VERY sorry to say.  \n\nThis issue is why I'm a FORMER college administrator-- I found the way they handled assault and harassment cases horrible, and I couldn't in good conscience continue.\n\nYou may also want to check and see if your school is one of the many that is being investigated under title 9 (which covers sexual assault):http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/us-department-education-releases-list-higher-education-institutions-open-title-i\n\nFeel free to PM me if you think it would be helpful.\n", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2eagvi", "comment_id": "cjy3zis"}, {"question": "I have a couple of questions.", "description": "\nDo therapists see therapists? Is a requirement for them? If they see someone, can they disclose patients they may struggle with? Can they discuss patients? I ask because my therapist once mentioned in passing, \u201cI said that to my therapist \u201c.  That took me by surprise. \n\nI get the idea of transference, but how acceptable is it? Do I really need to share with my therapist thoughts/feelings/fantasies I have? If it is recommended, how do I bring it up?\n\nThank you", "answer": "Yes a lot of therapists see therapists. It might be required some where, but idk where....would be a good idea though.  Therapists might talk about clients, but never giving any identifying info it\u2019s also all covered under confidentiality so whatever your T talks about regarding clients is all confidential with their therapist. It\u2019s more in terms of things they are stressed or struggling with in working with a client or clients. If something the client talked about brought something up for them or they are worrying about something they said to a client that they wish they had said differently etc. Basically more about how clients impact them or what comes up with things clients talk about (e.g., therapist who has trauma may react or have an internal feeling come up when with a client who is talking about similar trauma).  \n\nThere is helpful transference and unhelpful transference. Are you talking about feelings and fantasies of your therapist? It depends how you feel about sharing this information and if you think it would be helpful for you to disclose that.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ezl36b", "comment_id": "fgo4c0f"}, {"question": "Should my therapist lose her license?", "description": "So I emailed my therapist that I was thinking about suicide. Her response was that I should go back to my old therapist, and to give me a crisis number. I then responded that I was going to kill myself. She never responded. I thought she'd call 911. Is this grounds to get her license revoked?", "answer": "Probably not grounds  to get her license revoked,  but depending on the circumstances,  could possibly be grounds for a complaint and disciplinary action. \n\nIf this is a DBT treatment or you had a safety contract, or you have told her this before, giving you the crisis line number is sufficient.  In my state , I am not required to call 911 for this . Different licenses have different rules. You can check your state board to see exactly what her rules are.\n\nIf you filed a complaint,  she could simply point out that you are alive , and she gave you a resource. She could also argue that calling 911 could have created more problems for you - police storming into your home, a possibly unnecessary psychiatric hold, being taken to the hospital in a police car.  Many people find these circumstances much more traumatic than calling a line equipped to make a safe plan. \n\nOf course , calling 911 is the right call sometimes. There are times it is necessary and the only right choice . It should still be taken very  seriously to avoid harm.\n\nThis is a recent story about a woman who died after 911 was called to respond to a mental health crisis:\n\nhttps://www.kiro7.com/news/local/mother-5-dies-after-4-days-solitary-confinement/7Q23I5RYPNB6RKV2BWI6MYDLVM/?fbclid=IwAR0AqJpVkVbpMAYEFN8ZmUELuutIB5OhgAeAvtvMtRW9P8bdDe0o24C4nB8", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f5e0ew", "comment_id": "fhy7gzt"}, {"question": "does anyone else hate 'trigger warnings'?", "description": "As someone with PTSD does anyone else think the whole trigger warnings idea is rubbish?\n\nLots of small, tiny things trigger me  - some make no sense at all like a colour or a smell. Yet someone can mention something more related to the cause of my PTSD without it affecting me.\n\nI Am not some fragile individual who needs too to be protected. I want to get over this PTSD and everyone walking on eggshells won't help and is patronising", "answer": "I've never needed trigger warnings either, but I acknowledge then that they are not for me but for the people who do benefit from them.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "259t6b", "comment_id": "chfd9uu"}, {"question": "How to be a more likable person/act more rationally?", "description": "I'm an introvert. When I do hang out with other people however, I tend to start saying stupid things without thinking and act weirdly (Its almost as if I don't care about what others think). I don't behave like this when I am alone and only start acting like this when I'm around a group of people that I am acquainted with, but this has led to some people disliking me and also make me seem very immature/dumb. It feels like I have a split personality almost, and when I'm alone i start reflecting on what I've done and what I've said and start to cringe like crazy. How do I be more cool headed like when I'm alone and therefore be a more likable person who actually acts like he cares about others when I actually do?\n\nIs there anybody out there who has the same problems as me? How do I behave like how I want myself to behave?", "answer": "Often people who are socially isolated have an unmet need to connect with others. Many of these people have either a dismissive or an avoidant attachment style.  Your style of attachment is acquired very young, before you can talk and it usually matches your primary caregivers.  Attachment regulates our emotions.  When you have others who know your feelings and whose feelings are known to you, you are calmer and less reactive.  This is the healing, calmative power of love.  Love is in large part the combination of interest and approval.  To better connect with others show interest in them and then show your approval in the good that they do or empathy for the harm that was done to them.  As you feel begin to feel accepted you will feel less pressure to be known.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8vorip", "comment_id": "e1plhh1"}, {"question": "My Blood test. any advice please...", "description": "HI, there is my blood test results and some of results are not match to reference interval. It isn't made in US, but i think DOCs can understand.\nI am male, 27. taking gabapentin, and phenibut or baclofen(for anxiety). Thank you!\n\nhttps://s30.postimg.org/fqsxnmr4h/213.jpg", "answer": "My Georgian isn't good , but it looks pretty normal. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5npoe3", "comment_id": "dcduvcb"}, {"question": "How will therapy stop my suicidal thoughts?", "description": "I don\u2019t act on them, but I get them everyday. Psychiatrist told me to go to a therapist but I\u2019m curious how is someone going to stop my thoughts? Is it a thinking process? I\u2019m genuinely curious because that\u2019s my only hope.", "answer": "There are lots of ways that therapy , in combination with reduce your suicidal thoughts. The exact way will depend on the type of therapy you get and the reason you feel that way.\n\nSome ways it could help is by changing your thinking patterns,  processing and dealing with the problems that underly your thoughts, and  increasing your coping skills . \n\nGood luck , I am glad you are getting help.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "glt8z8", "comment_id": "fqzudgs"}, {"question": "Why don\u2019t people closest to you notice signs?", "description": "Been sleeping from approximately 5am-2pm these past 2 weeks since school is out and I won\u2019t actually do anything (eat, get ready, go out) till like 5pm\n\nBackground: I\u2019ve talked to my dad multiple times about seeing a psychologist for multiple issues, he just agrees but doesn\u2019t really help further to find one\n\nMy question is: isn\u2019t an extremely shifted sleep schedule, or even lack of sleep (I didn\u2019t even sleep at all tonight, it\u2019s 7am) a completely clear sign that something is wrong? Or even suggesting I need a psychologist in the first place? Why don\u2019t people worry until it\u2019s too late?\n\nIdk if this makes sense, was just wondering why humans tend to not reach out for the correct reasons (I know I\u2019ve definitely done this towards friends who\u2019ve shown clear signs of struggle)", "answer": "It's possible he's waiting for you to be more direct.  Mental health is a really touchy subject for some people.  He may be afraid of upsetting you by talking about it.  \n\n\nI'm curious.  If you know that you need it, why are you waiting around hoping that your father picks up on the signs?  Why not just go get help or be straight forward with him and say \"This is what I need and I need you to help me figure out how to get it.\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "bohutl", "comment_id": "enhq0xb"}, {"question": "Why does a drug addict tend to be compulsive about other things beyond just drugs?", "description": "I think it has to do with transfering the addiction and behavior pattern, but I'd like a more elaborate answer.\n\nI know someone who struggles with adiction to cocaine and is also compulsive about sex.\n\nHe's not an offender, of course, but he never refuses sex, sometimes seems to drown his sorrow in compulsive sex, and thinks almost every woman he meets wants to have sex with him. That's like this with all of his female friends, he has a \"crush\" on all of them at some point, but then respectfully gives up on it once he realizes it's just his mind.\n\nAnd he tends to act obssessive sometimes when he's involved with someone and overly focused on it. Like he's in a rush of violent energy. He once told me he was thinking of suicide just because his crush said she couldn't go out with him that day.\n\nHe's trying to treat this, but it may seem too hard to resist.", "answer": "You may want to search \"sensation seeking \" and see if it fits.  Many people who are sensation seeking struggle with impulsive behavior in other areas.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "h8o8yg", "comment_id": "fus0lbs"}, {"question": "I'm [27F] struggling to decide whether to end my relationship with fiance [28M].", "description": "We\u2019ve been dating for 4 years, previously friends. We\u2019re compatible, friendly with one another, etc. But we\u2019ve always struggled with intimacy - both of us want more, but it\u2019s hard for me to feel the spark. I\u2019ve been in a high-stress work environment for the past couple years, which could be part of it, but I also think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve lost attraction for him.\n\n\nSince we\u2019ve started dating I\u2019ve been really focused on growing my career and my personal goals. He\u2019s had a stagnant job that didn\u2019t provide much stimulation, and also doesn\u2019t pursue much outside of it. He cites unhappiness, but hasn\u2019t been willing to change.\n\n\nBecause of this, I always feel like I\u2019m the one bringing something new - like places to go, or events around my friends / social circles - to the table. He\u2019s always along for the ride, and super supportive of me. I don\u2019t mind sharing my life, but wonder what it would be like if we were both contributing. He\u2019s mentioned how he\u2019d enjoy being a SAHD, but that\u2019s not what I envisioned for my relationship.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve done counseling. We got un-engaged, then engaged again, to relieve pressures. A year ago, we moved away, which has given us more space/time to focus on ourselves and each other. But this hasn\u2019t improved. Moving away has made it harder for me to feel comfortable in this \u2013 so maybe I should give it time \u2013 but i don\u2019t think it\u2019s encouraged him to explore his wants/needs.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve talked, a lot. He knows I\u2019m confused as to what to do next. He doesn\u2019t want me to leave, and expresses that all he needs is me. He also said that he thinks he may be depressed, and maybe he needs to get help. This is something I\u2019ve only just started to wonder internally, but has never been acknowledged between us.\n\n\nI\u2019m torn. I know this isn\u2019t a no-deal issue in a relationship. I feel lucky to have what I do now. But I\u2019m not sure this is a normal feeling / dynamic for relationships. And I feel guilty that despite his support I\u2019m not attracted to this. Has anyone come across this? How did you proceed?\n\n\ntl;dr: My fiance and I have been struggling for the past 2 years. How do I know when to walk away?", "answer": "go to couples counseling. in three months the answer will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ompl6", "comment_id": "dckhepj"}, {"question": "Question for people with anxiety what do you guys like about it if anything?", "description": "I am doing a project and was curious about what you guys love and hate about having anxiety?", "answer": "I don't particularly like anything about social anxiety, with the exception that I'm also a bit of a thrill seeker.  Performing music live sends me to a near panic attack, but I roll with it, get into a flow state, and it's one of the best natural highs I've been able to experience.  \n\n\nGeneral anxiety while never feels good is what motivates me get done the things I need or want to get done but generally don't feel like doing.  The only way to relieve the anxiety caused over unfinished business is to finish it.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "9f92zn", "comment_id": "e5uqbca"}, {"question": "Meant to talk to my therapist about this", "description": "But didn't! She asked how I was doing and I answered her truthfully.... But omitted what was really weighing on me. Idk why. She followed off of what I did mention (my productivity) and that became the topic instead.\n\nWhat's really on my mind: I recently reconnected with someone I used to hookup with. He gave me a blank check for where to take things. I think?? I like him and am into him, but am naturally fearful of non casual contexts. So I've been fussing over how to handle things.\n\nI have a sense of how I want to manage things.. but am second guessing lots. I even second guess the best manner to tell him what I have in mind (in person, or over text). In the end, I figured in person, but he's not available tomorrow. So I switched to telling him I'd describe it to him later today over text.\n\nOverall I'm afraid of opening up romantic possibilities between us only to put him off by being overly invested. It's easily possible, he's a casual guy as far as I can tell (even if he's open to dating, which I'm second guessing).. whereas when I like someone I get super psyched out (if you can't tell).\n\nI'd also hate to pursue romance only to realize we don't mesh well (despite my attraction). Which is why I've been meaning to ask to explore each other mostly in the bedroom like we used to, just with more room to low key \"get to know each other.\" And if we feel like doing cute stuff outside of the bedroom then we can act on those impulses. But intentionally dating is scary to me. For risk of rejection I suppose.\n\nI want everything to be chill but I'm just not. Chill. Lol :')", "answer": "Sounds like you\u2019re being thoughtful and aware of your feelings. If you were my client (I\u2019m a therapist), I might recommend being open and honest about what you\u2019d like. And figuring that out for yourself first, if you\u2019re not sure. \n\nMost people enter a relationship on their best behavior and slowly start to let their true selves out. This is why things change. If people went into relationships honestly and open about our messiness and shortcomings, then things don\u2019t change later. The other person can either take us as we are then or move on, but either way, we\u2019ve saved ourselves some pain and jumping through hoops we created. Let them see the real you and then you know they like you for you, and not the You you think they want. Am I making sense?\n\nYou may be attracted to him, but if he\u2019s not willing to respect what you want or at least consider it and be honest back, then I\u2019d say you\u2019d be dodging a bullet by moving on. Best of luck! New relationships can be fun! You can always go in with I\u2019m going to make the most of our time together, no matter how short or long we have.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ajw89w", "comment_id": "eezd56a"}, {"question": "I'm a [21 Year old Male] looking for major relationship advise/help!!!", "description": "Hey everyone, so before I start this whole post I just want to say that I am totally the one in the wrong in this situation. I just need help getting out. I am not looking to being \"roasted\" or poked at over this. I've literally stressed about this for MONTHS.\n\nAnyway back to the story. I'm a 21 year old Male. I've been mostly single for my life. I don't think I'm a terribly bad looking guy, just an average guy who is pretty picky about girls, I never really wanted to date any girls I didn't find attractive, or ones I found that I had conflicting personality issues. I felt it would be better to \"wait for the right one\" than to just have sex, and waste time with one that I didn't plan to have a future with. \n\nIn January of 2015 I began to get a little depressed because I couldn't find a girl, I knew it was just my \"standards\" were to high, but I swore to myself I would never settle for a girl that I didn't truly love.  Around that time a few buddies had a little party and there was this girl there who was nothing like me. A high school drop out, she smoked, she wasn't even that attractive to me. We talked a little bit and did sexual things.  Fast forward two years later, we talk every day and I'm in a relationship with this girl, which is incredibly messed up I know. Most days I don't find her attractive, (I know looks aren't everything) and although I do have good times with her sometimes, and even talk about a future with her, I feel like it's just getting to a point where I'm spending too long with a girl I don't genuinely love, although I tell her I love her.\n\nThe obvious statement would be \"well just dump her.\" I can't. I don't know why, it's just something in my head, I'm used to her, and I would be broken without her, and I don't know why. I don't think I love her, and most days when I see her I'm not even that into her. We have a decent relationship, she treats me nice and is a good person, she's just not for me I don't think.\n\nDoes anyone else have an issue like this? ", "answer": "you're with her because you don't want to be alone. but you're not happy with her.  when you're starving, macdonald's tastes pretty good; when you're no longer starving, you say \"why did i just eat that\"?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oenvd", "comment_id": "dcit4u5"}, {"question": "Did our Paediatrician Breach Confidentiality? 2nd repost", "description": " \n\nThis happened yesterday. I Went to see my daughter's  Paediatrician about a sensitive issue. My daughter was with me and i told her i wanted to have a private talk with the doc. She wanted to know what it was about, agreed on a couple off-limits topics, and she agreed that she would be embarrassed to be in the room.\n\nI had my talk with the doctor, beginning with an explanation about why i sent my daughter out. The topic was definitely a sensitive one for my daughter. Something she is very ashamed of and doesn't want to get help with. Doc and I agreed on a game plan and brought my daughter in for the rest of the appointment.\n\nAfter examining her the doc said to my daughter \"i am your doctor and everything you tell me is confidential. I dont tell anyone what you say to me unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, or someone is hurting you. But your mom is not my patient and i can talk about what she said, and i am going to tell you that your mom is very worried about you. She told me about... \" he got into every detail of what i said - and that isnt relevant here. My daughter got incredibly upset, as did i. She was devastated at having to talk to a relative stranger about her darkest issues. Doc did not expect her response and apologised profusely for not asking my permission to share our conversation.\n\nIn the long run, it is better to get stuff out in the open. I get that, and i live by it. I am queen of TMI. My family refers to me as 'earthy' because i over share. But my daughter isnt like me. She likes her privacy and i want to respect that. On the other hand, the issue needs addressing. Did the doc breach confidentiality by sharing my private convo without my permission?\n\n2nd Repost with MORE required information. Because apparently the bot needs to know everything.\n\nMe: female. 40s Caucasion. North American descent. 5'3\". Non smoker.\n\nDaughter: female. 11yrs.  European/North American descent.  123lbs. 5ft. multiple allergies requiring an Epi-Pen. non smoker. no daily medications.  Possible Discalcula or Dyslexia (investigating).  ", "answer": "I think there's an argument to be made that the doctor did the wrong thing, but he did not breach privacy laws or professional ethics. Your daughter is his patient and is the one he owes confidentiality. He doesn't owe it to you. With adult patients there are doctors who argue that they *must* report any calls, conversations, or information given by outside sources, whether or not the doctor then acts on the information any further.\n\nThe difference here is that your daughter is a child. I'm not expert enough on the rules of pediatrics, although I know they're different. I still don't think the doctor was in the wrong, except in that it may have been distressing to you and your daughter for no gain. But that's a botched conversation, not an inherently wrong approach.\n\nAll that said, I'm not convinced I have this one right. It sounds like a bad situation in the end regardless of intentions or laws, and I hope he learned something and does better in the future, but it still probably makes things awkward between the two of you, and also between each of you and the doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "99ohbn", "comment_id": "e4p76jf"}, {"question": "Not sure if i need advice, someone to identify with, or just someone to hear me out", "description": "25 years old, male.\n\nFor the first time in my entire life I'm feeling a little down about myself. I don't even know where to begin honestly. I would identify myself as an introvert with good social skills; but those skills are never put to work. They are never put to work because I simply don't have any urge or opportunity to meet new people. I'm the type that can carry a darn good convo but for some reason I will only speak if spoken to. It doesn't help that I don't really have any interests and my day consists of working and coming home. Often times i find myself just sitting around killing time telling myself I could be doing something productive instead, but not having anything productive to actually do since I have no interests. \n     As far as friends go I only have about 5 good friends who I have known since high school and currently I don't speak or see 3 of them since they have long term gfs. From the outside people would say I have a lot of things going for me, and to strangers I would probably seem like a \"popular\" type guy. I don't mean to boast but I am well educated, have a decent job, well dressed, and I've been complemented many times for looks, but all of that seems to not help me in any way what so ever. \n     It feels like I have no direction in life right now, and facing it alone. \n     ", "answer": "I think you should read a Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. It talks about how to live an exciting life, and I think it would give you encouragement to start new hobbies and meet new people. It's also a darn fun read.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "qja9z", "comment_id": "c3yl9nz"}, {"question": "Narcotics anonymous (or other fellowships) is not the only way", "description": " I\u2019m coming up on 9 months clean and sober. My former drug(s) of choice was heroin, coke (raw and crack) and adderall. My issues began in 2013 with a shoulder operation, I was addicted oxycodone on and off until about 2016. August 25, 2016 I was in a really bad motorcycle accident that nearly ended my life. I was hospitalized for about a month and prescribed heavy pain meds to deal with the permanent injuries I suffered. The injuries are permanent, but the doctors made it very clear the pain meds were not... long and behold the cut me off. \n\nOnce my prescriptions were cut off... I made a choice to continue buying pills off the streets. The costs added up, and being out of work quickly led me to make the choice to buy heroin for the first time. Fast forward 2.5 years... I was a full blown needle using junkie. My choices led me down that path, and I eventually chose to finally get clean for good. I truly hit my personal rock bottom. I checked into a state run detox for 7 days, and then moved into an Oxford house. \n\nMajority of my house mates go to meetings on a regular basis, and it helps them a lot. My first 30 days.. I went to just about 30 meetings as per my blackout requirements. I eventually found that meetings were not my thing, and the overall concept of a socially acceptable recovery is bullshit for me. I always find it funny running into the close minded people with a former drug addiction, who look down on people who stay clean in \u201cuntraditional ways\u201d.\n\nHere\u2019s a list of my personal beliefs and outlook on my choice to stay clean. \n\n1) Staying sober for me is NOT based on the belief that I have an uncontrollable, incurable disease. While I was beginning to figure out my process months ago, I found that blaming my shitty life choices on a \u201cdisease\u201d removes a lot of accountability I need to have for myself. I believe that choosing to continue using drugs, leads to a somewhat mental illness. \n\n2) self reliance is a huge part of my recovery. Many people I associate with and respect greatly, have a deep relying investment in recovery fellowships. This may work for them... but it doesn\u2019t for me. I have a full time job, a family and regular responsibilities. Even if I wanted to go to meetings, a lot of nights/weekends I wouldn\u2019t be able to make it due to life on its own terms. In my opinion, if you can\u2019t rely on yourself before anybody else, and cope with life\u2019s sometimes shitty terms (when it comes in certain degrees)... you\u2019re in trouble. I guess I\u2019m personally blessed with a beautiful family and a great spouse that supports me. \n\n3) In my opinion, addiction begins with a choice, and ends with a choice (or jail/death). You ultimately are put in a scenario where you choose to walk down the deadly path of addiction in one way or another. Yeah... I know... some people don\u2019t have a choice when their injured and their limbs are practically held together by gorilla glue. But we have a choice to follow the doctors orders and take the meds as prescribed, or fuck around because the meds seem to make life more bearable for that moment in time. \n  I personally allowed my injuries to be an excuse to buy drugs off the streets once my doctors stopped writing prescriptions. I chose to continue down the dark path. I eventually chose to stop however, and continue to choose to not pick up again. \n\n4) For me, meetings keep me living in the past rather then living in the future. For some, it makes them feel secure being reminded of very dark times, so they don\u2019t make the same mistakes. I could never forget the horrible things I\u2019ve done to myself and others. But in order to allow myself to move forward and become a better person, I need to look forward. A lot of people say when they leave a meeting, they feel great... I feel the same thing when I\u2019m at my 5 year old sons football game. Or when I\u2019m spending time with my amazing fianc\u00e9. \n\n\nLiving in a sober house is difficult enough for me when it comes to my recovery process, but it allows my fianc\u00e9 to sleep better at night for the time being. Oxford is a great equal shared expense sober living network. They are not affiliated with NA, AA or any other fellowship. It helped me stay accountable in early recovery, and also helped me rebuild the foundation I\u2019m still building today. \n\nAgain... this post reflects on my own opinions. Traditional 12 step fellowships, IOP programs or other \u201cacceptable\u201d recovery process\u2019s are not the only acceptable way to recover. There\u2019s nothing worse then captain recovery bashing others who do things differently.", "answer": "Thanks for your post. I work in the field, but I rarely refer to addiction as a disease. It\u2019s more complex than that. Yes, using drugs and alcohol changes your brain chemistry, but you had a choice at one point (similar to other so-called lifestyle diseases like lung cancer, obesity, and diabetes.) Long-term drug and alcohol use damages the brain, especially the pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for reactivity and rational decision-making. You may have heard that alcohol and drugs kill brain cells-that\u2019s not true, but they DO destroy some of the connections that a person who does not use would be able to make. (The brain cells are there, they\u2019re just not talking to each other.)\n\nIt sounds like you also have some protective factors that will help you in your recovery. You did not grow up in a home where your parents were using heroin and shot you up as a child or sent you to the crackhouse every morning. You didn\u2019t start using until later in life, which increases your chances at maintaining long-term sobriety. You also have a wife and a child; it sounds like they are supportive. Alternatively, many of my clients are homeless and/or grew up in an abusive family and do not have a stable support network, which is where NA and AA come in.\n\nAA and NA are not the only way to get clean. There are many (many) different avenues for that... I recognize that the 12 step approach is helpful for some more than others. The key components of the 12 step approach are making difficult changes, giving back, and surrounding yourself with people who are supportive. Happy that you  are not another statistic of the heroin epidemic. \n\nTake care, Cassie", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "d6p7fx", "comment_id": "f0veg11"}, {"question": "What is your profession and how do you handle it?", "description": "I am genuinely curious as to the profession of adults with ADHD. I work as a systems engineer at a logistics firm. My attention is constantly being pulled in 900 directions. Having ADHD and being here is challenging but I make up for it with 1. Noise cancelling headphones that filter out the rest of the world and 2. Nonstop sticky notes and 900 outlook calendar reminders. \n\n​\n\nSo how do you handle it? ", "answer": "I'm finishing my masters in clinical psychology and doing placements. I struggle mostly with following a clients story, taking in the facts, but also being able to pick up on salient emotional experience in the moment. I compensate by just following the emotions and I can get the facts later. So I just pick the most important thing to pay attention to.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "alqsjv", "comment_id": "efhgu78"}, {"question": "[21/m] insecure about my lack of dating/sex experience, how do I gain confidence and explain myself to others?", "description": "As I'm approaching the end of my junior year of college, it just gets harder to me to accept my virgin status.\n\nWhen I initially meet people (anyone, just not people I'm interested in) they never get that vibe from me. To many people I come across as a tall, good-looking, funny, emotionally stable guy. They're usually caught off guard hearing I'm single, which makes me feel that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone.\n\nOverall I don't have much experience with girls. I've been on dates and whatnot, but nothing's progressed for the most part. For starters I'm completely oblivious and don't catch many signs that someone is interested in me. Apparently there have been countless missed opportunities for me.\n\nMy first kiss was only a year ago, and the \"relationship\" only lasted a month. I'm afraid I come off as too \"innocent\" and girls really don't want to bother with me. On another occasion I have gotten the whole \"I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't want to you to hate me\" bit, but for all I know it could've been BS.\n\nI guess virginity used to be a choice for me. I grew up as a Catholic, so I used to take chastity a tad more seriously. That's not the case anymore as I'm in college, but now I feel like I'm behind and girls won't want to bother with me due to my inexperience.\n\nPosting this, I'd like to say I don't plan on hooking up with anyone. Knowing myself, I get attached to people easily and don't want to put myself through any problems I won't be able to handle emotionally. In general I'm very careful with who I open up with in life, be it friends or potential interests, so in that sense something like sex isn't something I'd throw away.\n\nOverall I guess I'm afraid of being vulnerable and potentially disappointing girls I might get involved with. I don't want them to get the wrong/a bad impression of me and my performance. Yeah I might be \"innocent\", \"pure\" compared to most, but I have desires too. I'm sure someone on this page could give me perspective of some kind. Thanks, y'all", "answer": "Be patient with yourself. Go SLOW. If someone can't deal with that, they're the wrong person. Be yourself. We all start at the beginning.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "61s2hd", "comment_id": "dfgu8eu"}, {"question": "Is this a sign of BPD or Narcissism?", "description": "My MIL is what I would call \"obsessed\" with being everyone's mother figure/ taking in \"stray\" humans. \nThis includes the majority of my husband's childhood friends and also myself. \nShe often calls herself his friends \"other mom\" and claims to have \"practically raised\" raised them. She talks incessantly about everything she \"has done for them\".\n\nOn top of this she gets hurt if they don't message her on mother's Day or holidays. \n\nShe especially wants to \"claim\" people without close families. Every holiday she throws a dinner for people without anywhere else to go. This seems really nice except how offended she gets when someone stops coming. She also considers it rude when people she has deemed \"needy\" decline her invitation. \n\nShe has a special focus on me and my siblings as well. Is she in competition with my parents? My sister has never taken her up on the Christmas invitation because she either spend the time with my parents or her in-laws and EVERY TIME my MIL wants me to talk to her because something must be wrong. \"She doesn't need to be shy! She's not putting us out. I want her here! Let her know how much I want her here. They don't have to be alone!\" And when I reiterate that my sister has other plans with other family it turns into \"why doesn't she like me?\"\n\nWhy is she so obsessed with playing mother hen to everyone? Is this a narcissist tendency?", "answer": "I have no idea what is going on outside this one conflict,  but this behavior in itself is not aligned with either personality disorder.  It could be any number of things .\n\nSometimes people feel good about themselves because of external rather than internal conditions.  While people with personality disorders can do this,  so do a whole lot of other people.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8dahb", "comment_id": "foncecx"}, {"question": "Total Daily Energy Expenditure/Base Metabolic Rate Testing", "description": "I\u2019m curious if anyone has gotten tested to find out what their TDEE/BMR is. I\u2019ve read some research that says women with PCOS have a lower BMR than average so I\u2019m wondering how much lower (if any) mine is. If you\u2019ve gotten it done was it actually lower? Was it helpful information? Did insurance cover it? How expensive was it? Thanks in advance!\n\nEdit: Additional question. What kind of professional did you go to to get it done?", "answer": "I got a resting metabolism measured by a specialist dietician. (She said that to measure a BMR she'd have to come to me first thing in the morning while I was still in bed, lol.) My metabolism is about 60% of what it should be, which she wasn't surprised by because of the PCOS. Insurance covered it (I have pretty awesome insurance) and it was super easy to do, you breath into a device for a few minutes and it spits out the data. It was an interesting experience. 10/10 I totally recommend it if you have easy access to it. \n\nMakes me feel like much less of a 'failure'. I still have to cope with it and make healthy choices from here on out, but it helps me not beat myself up over being 300lbs. Back of the napkin math tells me that since I gained it over 20 years, that's less than an extra 100 calories a day. Burning only 60% of what I should be that's honestly impressive I havn't gained more. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8hrmjo", "comment_id": "dymjx6r"}, {"question": "I think I finally figured out what triggers my panic attacks", "description": "For years I have never known what causes me to have panic attacks. I always thought they were random but today I was reading an article and it brought up that some people have panic attacks because they are too attuned to their body. Basically, every little change I notice in my body makes me panic. I notice I am dizzy, I panic. I notice I am nauseous, panic. Headache, panic. Etc. I hope that now that I know what causes them I can move on to controlling them! ", "answer": "Just a FYI, that's usually a secondary trigger, something that arises from the Anxious Cycle making you more aware of indications that you are starting to have anxiety. It may arise after some physical condition that led to panic like hyperthyroidism or an adrenal leak. \n\nNot saying it's not what's going on just that it might be a habit of reaction to another situation", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8twbkk", "comment_id": "e1bg8dw"}, {"question": "Managed to befriend someone(?) but when we hang out a part of me is just waiting until it's over / Friendship as a loner", "description": "So I go to this place(let's just say Place) once or twice a week and I see this guy there about once a week. I, a guy, had a little crush on him.\nIt's good to note that I'm in my 20s, he's ~6 years older than me and I am in no way shape or form out, to anyone. When I found out he likes women my little crush subsided a bit. Not completely though. But a few stuff makes me pretty sure he's not bi either. Just wondering what his thoughts on gay people are. Recently found out he goes to church but unsure \"how religious\" he is. Could be partially to meet people and practice the language.\n\nI'm a loner. Introvert. What-have-you.\n\n* a person who is or prefers to be alone, especially one who avoids the company of others\n* The type of guy who dosen't have good social skills, No confidence and jealous traits.\n* Known as 'the boring guy', the 'friendless' guy, the invisible man\n\nAfter a few weeks of seeing him every now and then, he gave me his number and told me to call him if I wanted to do something. Like go swimming.\nI was anxious for days but ended up texting him. He had other plans. I was a bit proud of myself for actually texting and relieved I didn't \"have to\" hang out with someone.\n\nI'm the kind of person that just waits for things to happen to me. I follow the flow. Because I'm socially anxious and depressed I have no ambitions or future plans or aspirations or anything. I just wait for things to happen. I don't initiate. Note I don't really like this about myself but yah.\n\nNext time I met him we talked, he bought us both an icecream each, and suggested swimming again. When In the moment like that I feel like I should say yes, that it's probably \"good/better\" to actually socialise with someone. So I said yes.\n\nWe've gone swimming two days in a row now. And afterwards we go pick some berries.\nIt's been OK. I've felt dumb cus I didn't know the answer to some things. I felt boring and awkward because I didn't have a reply for most things. Like talk about cars and I'm like uh yeah. Mhm. I don't know how he's not bored of me. But he asked if I wanted to go swimming again.\n\nIf he asks a question like A or B? I just don't know. You choose. \"You wanna keep swimming or should we get out?\" uh sure let's get out. : |. I'm just.. following along..\n\nEven though it's been nice I guess, I kinda feel like.. I'm waiting for it to be over. Waiting for me to go home. At the same time I enjoy his company? \nIt feels wrong.. to feel like this. Like.. this isn't how normal people are supposed to feel. Like I was slightly bored when we were picking berries. And it's like ahh I'm alone nice. That's kinda nice. But I'm bored a little. I'm a walking indecisive contradicting blob.\n\nAt least the biking and swimming is some exercise. I could lose some weight.", "answer": "Well, the socialization is nice and good for you finding the courage to ask for it.  I think part of the reason you are feeling board is because you are being quite passive and not suggesting that the two of you do some other activities that you'd personally enjoy more.  Just because you 'go with the flow' doesn't mean that you enjoy the flow every time.  Take the risk to suggest something different that you'd like and see what happens.  What is there to lose really?  Also, consider spacing out your contacts more so that you guys don't overexpose on each other.  Good luck.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "4tztwl", "comment_id": "d5lzn0k"}, {"question": "Aaron Hernandez brain scan phot questions.", "description": "In [this](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/nov/09/aaron-hernandez-cte-brain-damage-photos) article showcasing the brain scans of Hernandez\u2019 brains, the doctor compares his brain to that of a normal 27 year old. What does a \u201cventricular enlargement\u201d and \u201catrophy of the fornix\u201d do/mean? Does it lead to depression/CTE/suicidal thoughts?", "answer": "The ventricles are fluid=filled spaces in the brain that provide cushioning and allow circulation of cerebrospinal fluid \\(CSF\\). Enlargement usually means general atrophy \\(shrinking\\) of the rest of the brain. \"Atrophy of the fornix\" means that the structure of the brain called the fornix is smaller. It's a large, oddly\\-shaped thing that's hard to describe, and its function also isn't entirely clear, although it probably plays a role in some kinds of memory and possibly emotions.\n\nWe don't know on an anatomic level how depression or suicidal thoughts happen. CTE is an observed phenomenon and syndrome, so you could say that these changes *are* CTE, but what that means in practical terms isn't so clear.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4wrt", "comment_id": "dxsf68v"}, {"question": "Dishes are going to ruin my life and the relationship with my family.", "description": "I have 2 parents that are always asking me to do the dishes, but i just fucking can't my mind blocks all the time because it's to tedious and repetitive and i can't bring myself to do them.\n\n​\n\nI haven't done the dishes in 5 months and my dad is getting mad and saying that i'm lazy and selfish and more NT BS.\n\nI told him that i have severe ADHD and Aspergers and it's dificult to me do this shit one day, let alone every fucking day for a year.\n\n​\n\nI told him i don't have the energy to do it because of my mental conditions and he insists it's just laziness after a fucking year of not doing it, i get overwhelmed with so many dishes.\n\n​\n\nHonestly, i feel like dishes are going to ruin the relationship with this potentially narcicistic dad and i don't really care to be honest, i'm tired of having to explain that i'm not able to do this shit because i have a mental condition.", "answer": "Can you offer to do chores other than dishes? You could let your dad know that because of your ADHD/ASD that the dishes are an almost tortuous task but that you understand you still need to help out. Offer to do a chore that you find less unpleasant, or maybe even a couple of chores. Maybe it isn\u2019t about the dishes but rather about you contributing to the household in SOME way.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "at2rvq", "comment_id": "egy8l2g"}, {"question": "Depression and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", "description": "I'm about six weeks into therapy (first attempt) for my anxiety and depression, and my therapist and I have decided to work the CBT route.\n\nThe basic idea is easy enough: Identify wrong thoughts, reject them, replace, and retrain. Simples.\n\nDoes someone have experience with how I go about the reject and absorb new thoughts parts? I try to be as open as I can about the therapy, I really want it to succeed. But the bad thoughts are *the* framework my world rests on, and it all makes sense and is logical and empirically verified. To absorb alternative thoughts seems fake af and I feel like I'm deluding myself into this new sunshine world.\n\nAny pointers, has someone been there and conquered it? So thankful for input.", "answer": "The thoughts are not 'wrong'.  Better to think of them as 'distorted' due to cognitive biases such as overgeneralization or magnification (focusing intensely on some aspects of the environment while ignoring or minimizing others).  You don't reject your thoughts so much as try to correct them.  You look for the information you were not focusing on before but was there and create a more balanced view that reflects all of it not just some of it.  If you think about it this way you may feel less like you are falsifying things", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3mvfhk", "comment_id": "cviznq1"}, {"question": "How do I make this work? Borderline Parent", "description": "I think my mother had borderline personality disorder. I still live at home and probably won't be able to move out for another year or two. How do I manage living here until then?", "answer": "The book \"Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder\" by Paul Mason is probably the best reading material you can get for this situation.  It offers far more comprehensive advice and support than I could on here.  \n\n\nOther than that, consider getting your own therapy.  I've probably seen more folks in my office who are trying to cope with having parents with BPD than I have actually seen folks with BPD.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9mr8d1", "comment_id": "e7gs91y"}, {"question": "tappering off antidepressant", "description": "hello docs, \ni\u2019m a 21f i\u2019ve been on 10 mg of zelax (escitalopram) daily for 5 months now but with quarantine situation i don\u2019t think i can stock up on more i only have 25 pills left so what is the safest way to get off the medication with minimal withdrawal? \n\nthanks.", "answer": "Call your doctor about a refill. Going to a pharmacy is still leaving home for essential needs, and your doctor may also be able to send your prescription to a mail-order pharmacy, but having weeks' notice will help with that.\n\nYou could taper, but first you should see if you can avoid doing so.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmiud5", "comment_id": "fl4h6y0"}, {"question": "How does trauma stack-up?", "description": "If a person experiences two very similar traumatic events a few years apart, what would their reaction to the second experience be? Would they be able to handle it more easily thanks to their experience? Or would the second event trigger memories from the first one and make recovery from both of them way more difficult?", "answer": "You kinda answered your own question in your questions.  Trauma affects everyone differently, and there are a lot of factors that can/may be taken into consideration when determining how a person responds.  Some people are more resilient than others, which may lessen the impact of a later, yet similar, trauma.  The supports an individual has available to them after trauma will likely be a factor, as well a previous mental health history, previous mental health treatment dealing with the first trauma, etc.  \n\nI wish I could be more specific, but it really all depends on the person, as well as the type of trauma.  Good question!!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e34t7s", "comment_id": "f91ensa"}, {"question": "Why does everyone ask \u2018what's the cause\u2019?", "description": "It\u2019s a rhetorical question; I just need to get this off my chest and out of my head. \n\n\nWhen I reach out for help or open up to someone about my anxiety, I almost always end up being asked what\u2019s causing it. I know they mean well and are trying to understand, but I find it makes me feel more damaged because there often isn\u2019t a specific thing that I am anxious and crying about. I already feel like an idiot for crying over literally nothing, but I can\u2019t stop no matter what I try. I wish there was an identifiable reason that I could address, but there isn\u2019t, and trying to admit and explain that when I\u2019m already an emotional shipwreck makes it that much more painful.", "answer": "There's nothing wrong with saying you have general anxiety and you're not quite sure what's behind it all, but it's there.  Everyone has anxiety and everyone has a breaking point of what's too much anxiety.  Lets say on a scale of 1-10, 10 is the breaking point.  Most folks probably walk around at about a 2 or 3.  Folks with severe general anxiety start there day at about a 7-9.  That makes it so that it may not take much to get you to that breaking point.  \n\n\nThat's one way you could explain it, if you even want to.  You don't really owe anyone an explanation unless you feel like it would be helpful to explain yourself.  \n\n\nJust an fyi though, for most folks with general anxiety, it's usually a combination of both genetic predispositions to being more anxious in general along with some deep psychological \"reasons\" whether it be certain thought patterns, lack of healthy coping skills, too much avoidance behaviors throughout life, etc.  so if you do want to get better, therapy can help you figure this out and work towards recovering.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com/depression-or-recoverys-momentum/)", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "993tuk", "comment_id": "e4krgvu"}, {"question": "What kind of a mother am I?", "description": "My 48 year old son just let me know he remembers the 74 year old next door neighbor we had that molested him. \nHe told me about it when it happened. Early 70's and a different time. As his mother, the man just happened to drive up to his house right after I was informed and I ran to his side of car & started bashing his head in with my fist. Hubby pulled me off. Police were called & reported. The man packed up in 3 weeks & moved far away.\nI hope he is rotting in hell.ast night my son told me it screwed up his whole life.\nI am crushed. He and I never spoke about it in 40 years and I had honestly hoped he had forgotten about it.\nWhy didn't I get that poor boy therapy? \nI can't quit crying. Poor kid.", "answer": "It's never too late to have the intention to help your son. Every child, no matter the age, desires a mother.   Ask around, there may be groups for parents in your situation. It's ok to ask for help from professionals for yourself. \n\nIt's normal to feel all sorts of feelings about this, don't put that weight where it doesn't belong. \n\nIt's often easier for a child to work through trauma if their parents have worked through it themselves. Parent by example.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dvn50u", "comment_id": "f7druya"}, {"question": "Weight restoration/tomato face?", "description": "Currently weight restoring after being hypermetabolic (still might be a bit). I\u2019ve had a restrictive ED off an on for most of my life, with periods of \u201cremission\u201d AKA not fully recovered despite thinking so at the time. \n\nCurrently experiencing facial flushing: redness, hot, tingling. Someone said it\u2019s due to purging, but I count on one hand how many times I\u2019ve induced vomiting after eating. Over exercising, yes for sure. \n\nWondering if any of you have experienced this? It\u2019s noticeable to others and comes on very quickly. Does it go away? My face looks and feels like a spicy tomato. ", "answer": "maybe carcinoid? but i agree, go to your doctor. ", "topic": "fuckeatingdisorders", "post_id": "9ym0k6", "comment_id": "eedgefw"}, {"question": "My depression got worse over a stupid video game", "description": "I just finished playing Life Is Strange (Well, up to episode 3, super excited for ep 4) and I feel much more depressed than usual, especially after the first episode (which was the most relaxing one). I\u2019m going to try to explain this to the best of my abilities, but I\u2019ve never really felt this way before.\n\nI feel a sense of nostalgia and sadness, like I feel like I squandered my high school years (sophomore in college), like I wish my life was somewhat like Max\u2019s (sans powers). I just wish I could\u2019ve lived in a small little sea side town on the coast of Oregon surrounded by pine trees and rain. I feel like I missed out on something while I was suffering in a shitty inner city school where I isolated myself from all my peers, I hated this feeling so much. It\u2019s like nostalgia for something I never had. I\u2019ve been listening to the soundtrack on repeat and thinking about what my life could have been, but wasn\u2019t.\n\nThis is so fucking dumb and I hate myself for this, why do I always want to live in a fictional world?\n", "answer": "I've been there. Try being a huge fan of underrated games that flopped and will never get a sequel (System Shock 2) *sigh*. \n\nNostalgia and sadness are all a part of depression. It is also not all that unusual for a game, song, movie, or a story to trigger episodes and cause you to overthink things. You want to live in a fictional world because everybody needs a chance to escape for a while. There is nothing unusual there. \n\nJust don't forget to poke your head out from time to time and live in the real world. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3ei7jx", "comment_id": "ctfs9ow"}, {"question": "I haven't taken medicine in 20 years (im 36), not even an ibuprofen, can it be harmful if i take one now?", "description": "Dear all,\n\n​\n\nI never take medicine, not even for headache or anything. Every single issues i had in the past 20 or 22 years (since i was a teen, until now, 36), i just waited them out, some essential oil candies or mouth spray recently, natural medicine (ginger + honey + lemon), when i have throat ache i drink thyme infusion brew and whatnot.\n\n​\n\ni'd like to know if , let say i have a headache now and i take an ibuprofen or something like that will it be harmful to me because my body \"is not used to medicine\" anymore ?\n\n​\n\ni don't need or want to take  medicine, i just want to know in case :)\n\n​\n\nthanks a lot !\n\n​", "answer": "It\u2019s fine to take over the counter medicine after not taking it for years.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rjt0p", "comment_id": "e8hfk02"}, {"question": "I (M22) am feeling like an empty shell who just adapt to whatever its around me but dont really enjoy anything", "description": "First at all, im not a native english speaker so feel free to ask if something is not clear enough or  if i miswrite it. Also, thanks for anyone who read :)\n\nWell, I dont really know how to start to describe the confusion I have with myself and I dont want to create a long post, so I think I will focus in the things I can remember.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI think my main problem is lack of motivation. Right now I started to work in a tech company and finished my computer science career, so I am doing okay in that matter even if I am just following the stream of what I have in front of me (the company was the one I did the internship, so no real effort for my part).\n\nThe thing is, I get bored of everything, people included. I really dont dislike people but eventually I drop a group of people and later will get in another.\n\nI dont know why and when I think about it I cant get nothing clear. This applies with games also, but I dont think this is really important. Afterall, there is a lot of games and its not like I cant get another hobbie when I burn it.\n\n​\n\nAnother of the problems I have is my personality. If you ask some of my friends (IRL or online) I think they will describe me like a calm, shy and lazy person. Im okay with that because I try to \"pleasure\" anyone and see conflicts like a waste of time. My personality changes a lot in differents groups of friends but I dont really enjoy social activities. I think the only \"real\" thing in my personality at this point is my love for cats haha.\n\n​\n\nI tried reading a lot about different mental disorders but because a lot of symptoms are common and I am not a expert in that matter I didnt get anything useful. Also disorders test which I think are vague and not worth it.\n\nFinally, the advice that I need is a hint of whatever its affecting me because going with this to a psychologist only will get me a standard advice of \"dont worry, be happy, you are your, etc...\"", "answer": "I\u2019m admittedly biased coming from a mental health background but I would still recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. You may have a diagnosis and you may not, that doesn\u2019t really matter and it\u2019s actually very common for people to seek therapy for all the reasons you\u2019re describing. A therapist who tells you to \u201cjust be happy\u201d would not be a good one and in my option should not even exist. Either way, finding someone (professional or not) to just talk about these things in a nonjudgmental way can help you see new perspectives or get ideas of new things to try. A lot of other advice I could see would be making small changes like changing up your environment and trying new hobbies. If that feels too daunting make changes even smaller like moving things in your room, taking a 5 min walk, etc. I also think that it\u2019ll be important to be kind and patient with yourself, easier said than done but just keep yourself on course", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "hpzp3t", "comment_id": "fxv8bxe"}, {"question": "How do I know if I have gynecomastia or man boobs?", "description": "I am male, 26 years old and Im currently skinny fat but before I was really fat.\nI just want to ask how do I confirm if my man boobs is due to me being fat before or because I have gynecomastia? Is there a way to confirm it at home?\n\nIf not, Im open to consulting a doctor but Im not sure what type of doctor should I go to? Internal Medicine? Cosmetic surgeon?\n\nPlease help", "answer": "You'd just need to see a GP/PCP, for a set of routine blood tests and a couple of others like prolactin levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6hdqib", "comment_id": "diy84zq"}, {"question": "How (long) do calciumblockers work?", "description": "I am a fit male of 5ft9, 23 years old and 70 kgs. I was recently prescribed adalat oros 30 calcium blockers for my heart problems. They seem to work fine for +-12 hours and then lose all effectiveness in one hour. Is it possible that they suddenly stop working after 12 hours? Would I notice their decreased effectiveness that quickly? I was told that 1 dose per day should completely manage symptoms, so I assumed they worked longer. Could someone clarify this for me? ", "answer": "You don't say what your heart problems are or what loss of effectiveness means.\n\nAdalat Oros is a slow-release form of nifedipine and I don't know and cannot find any reliable information on duration of action, but recommended dosing does appear to be once daily.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8vea3v", "comment_id": "e1mq6pz"}, {"question": "36y, M, 5\"8, 150lb, E.Asian, No medications, Canada. Extreme itchiness, rash all over body after course of antibiotic.", "description": " About a month ago received Azithromycin 500mg x 5 days for rash already existed. Rash with extreme itchiness started to spread all over my torso, arms, upper and inner thighs and behind knees. Very hot to touch. Oral steroid 50mg was given 2 weeks ago at ER, yet did not work. Skin biopsy was done, no bacterial, fungal, parasitic growth, but indication of drug interaction. Part of skin is peeling off. Haven't slept well due o itchiness exacerbated by heat, such as using blanket at night. No medications is taken at this moment  \nAssuming SJS(Steven Johnson Syndrome). ", "answer": "Wait - have you not seen the prescriber of the antibiotic about this? As my pharmacy colleague says, antihistamines or more steroids may be in order.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fp8o9", "comment_id": "damfhei"}, {"question": "Men how was last week ?", "description": "Want to connect again to my fellow men ....\n\nI was reading about psychosis and hallucinations..\n\n\nThink I figured out last nights rush of fear of abandonment\n\nIts an emotional hallucination\n\n\nDidnt fucking help at all tho", "answer": "I look at is as my initial thought is probably irrational and wrong. You CAN learn to trust your body and your mind, if you learn how to read it.\n\nI dated a girl who was recovering from anorexia, she explained that she no longer registered hunger in her stomach. She knew her body needed food when she was cold, had a headache, or started to feel sluggish. She learned to read new signs and adapted.\n\nSame with bpd. You can learn that your feelings and thoughts are signs of a need you have. You just gotta learn what they are signaling ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7rz88z", "comment_id": "dt0t7u6"}, {"question": "How do I tell my girlfriend that she shouldn't expect her grandma to last much longer? Without sounding like an asshole", "description": "So her grandmother's been admitted to the hospital a few months ago, and recently she's been getting worse. In the past month she got two heart attacks, three seizures and apparently even was brain dead for 5 minutes.  \nIn all of this I try, to console my girlfriend as much as I can and be there for her, but she keeps saying stuff like \"I really hope she'll get better soon\" and whatnot. She makes it sound like she just caught the common cold and has a weak immune system, while in reality it's a 80-something year old lady barely getting two words out living her last days.  \nAny advice on how I should go about this?  \n\n**TLDR:** girlfriend's grandma is dying and girlfriend just doesn't wanna get it, how to break it to her?", "answer": "Do NOT \"break it to her\". Denial is normal and you will only hurt her, and possibly your relationship, by trying to get her to accept the truth. \n\nJust be there for her. Now as well as when the inevitable happens.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1rv1wy", "comment_id": "cdrag0q"}, {"question": "Any tips for making yourself do things?", "description": "The main way that adhd negatively impacts me as an adult is that I have a REALLY hard time getting up to do things. Once I\u2019ve started I get on a role, but getting started doesn\u2019t happen often enough for my liking. This happens for things like getting up to go to work or doing laundry/cleaning, but also for fun things like getting ready to see friends or even getting up to get food.\n\nAny tips?", "answer": "Not sure if it\u2019s already mentioned but I do something called the \u201c20 Minutes\u201d rule. I commit to doing the task for the next 20 minutes and if I am still bored I stop for a while. It usually will trick me into getting into a groove", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ai9lj9", "comment_id": "eemu8oe"}, {"question": "Finaly gonna go see a psychiatrist", "description": "After years and years dealing with what I'm sure it's depression and strong suicidal thoughts, I'm finally gonna see a Professional tomorrow, I don't know if it'll help, but at least I'm trying.\nIt'll be my first time, any tips? ", "answer": "Be prepared that a psychiatrist generally does not do talk therapy; they are more for psychotropic medication management. So don't be surprised if you talk to them for 45 minutes then they send you away with a prescription and that's it. I would highly advise also seeking out the services of a therapist so you can talk through some of your issues and learn some coping skills and techniques. This is very important; psychotropic medications are meant to be used in conjunction with talk therapy. See if your psychiatrist has any recommendations. Good luck! And always be honest (especially about suicidal thoughts/feelings), they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "9d1uvn", "comment_id": "e5f11lg"}, {"question": "I need an advice dating a girl who has a 18 month old baby but her dad is not around.", "description": "Hey so I have a question me and my girlfriend we broke up after two years of dating. We were going to get married this coming summer but she left me before Christmas because I didn't like her family and didn't like to\nBe around them that much.\nSo now I found this cute girl she is only 25 years old and has a house but she only works as a nanny from home while she spends time with her little daughter. Her older brother lives with her to help pay the bills. My question is what should I expect by dating this girl. She told me she is looking for a father figure for the child, and she is interested in getting married and having a child of my own with her so her daughter can have a sister or a brother.\nShould I get into this or not? I'm tired of dating I just want one women, but in the past 8 years my 3 girlfriends  that I loved left me :/. I'm currently 28 years old and getting older by day. \n\nPlease help lol   ", "answer": "are you ready to be a dad and a settled family man? ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5makj0", "comment_id": "dc233v2"}, {"question": "I'm tempted to self harm and I don't know why.", "description": "Like things have been rough lately but generally getting better slowly, less stressful except the holidays coming up.  I haven't been drinking but am a little tonight and for whatever reason I feel like hurting myself and I don't get it.  I've never cut before I always did the head banging/hitting thing but I feel like that doesn't count so I keep thinking I should try cutting becuase it seems like it'd feel good.  I won't though I don't think seems scary.  I had this weird urge to start crying earlier for no reason.  No idea what's going on or causing this.  Sorry just rambling DAE get like this?", "answer": "Cutting to stop emotions, to control your weak self, to feel scared and powerful, to feel another emotion that isn't sadness/loneliness or something else? I'm not a big opponent of cutting, except when it escalates. It usually escalates. \n\nSounds like it's time to study you dictionary of emotion words", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7en8yu", "comment_id": "dq67u5v"}, {"question": "I need professional advise.", "description": "i need the help if a professional therapist who is well informed about borderl.ne to help me support a very important person to me without stressing my anxiety due to the inability of having actually therapy through a short private conversation. I dont expect this to be a constant thing so if you are worried about someone treating this actual therapy this us not the case. I just need to have one private conversation since i am not comfortable sharing private info on reddit.", "answer": "Can you talk to your friend 's therapist? Many of my patients sign releases so I can have these conversations with their loved ones.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fo7wmy", "comment_id": "fllcufg"}, {"question": "How have you overcome trust issues?", "description": "I am in need of some help. I (25f) have an amazing boyfriend (25m) who I've been with for 3 years. We've lived together for about 1.5 years and it goes very well. Honestly I feel I lucked out, I'm very satisfied in our relationship. Many healthy changes have happened in my life since meeting him, and though we're very different we make a great team. \n\nI have what some may call daddy issues. Abandonment issues. To summarize my father moved away when I was 5, and has slowly faded out of my life as I have aged. My mother became terminally I'll when I was 15, and after 5 years of ups and downs passed away. \n\nMy sister and I had a turbulent relationship during this time, trying to balence our responsibilities and social lives. Often she could be manipulative, turning my actions on me. I'm sure I was no saint either but trusting her now is hard, as I worry if I show any weakness it will be used against me in times of stress again. My extended family operates in a similar way, I don't want them to know any troubles I have for fear it will be used against me. \n\nMy partner and I want to buy a house in the coming year. I'm terrified to put my savings on the line in case he splits. I have no idea what he could possibly do to prove he's on my team, it's a problem inside me, I feel. I do go to therapy but my couselor recently left and I've just started with a new one last week. What can I do?", "answer": "\neverything in life has some risk, because the future's unknowable. if you feel this rel. is as solid as solid can be, you either move forward, or live your life  alone.  \n\"between grief and nothing, i will take grief\"  'faulkner", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qoa1u", "comment_id": "dd0tq7l"}, {"question": "After ten months sober, I had \u201cone drink\u201d...", "description": "Sigh. Yeah. My intention was to only drink on Halloween\u2014 for some reason. I thought I could make one exception. And then the next day I said to myself \u201cwow, and it\u2019s not like I have the urge to do that all the time. Maybe I can just be cool about this and drink sometimes, like a normal teenager.\u201d\n\nThat turns into a bottle of wine on Election Day, drinking at a concert, vodka on Thanksgiving, tequila at a dinner party. \n\nAnd you know what these experiences have added to my life??\n\nNAUSEA and DISAPPOINTMENT. That\u2019s it. My year sober would\u2019ve been two weeks from now. I was drunk last night and my mom (who quit two months ago. she said I inspired her) told me she felt great sober and she was so happy. I had no idea how to tell her that I\u2019ve been drinking again. I think I knew then, knew always, that I\u2019d need to quit again. \n\nI can\u2019t live with this hanging over my head and inside my stomach. \nDay 1, again. I wish I\u2019d made the year. But I have today. \n\nIwndwyt. \ud83d\udc93", "answer": "Thanks for sharing... I can totally see myself doing that.... again. Hopefully I won\u2019t!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a090t2", "comment_id": "eaggiae"}, {"question": "I'm a 21 year-old male who still has no clue what the hell my life purpose is, or what I should even do with it. I'm simply looking for resources/advice that will allow me to move in the right direction.", "description": "My issue is that I have no clue as to what the hell I want to do with my life. What's worse is that, the more I think about what would be perfect for me (in terms of careers), the more confused I become. Sometimes I look around me at the people I graduated with, and see that they're already starting their careers, while I feel as though I am stagnant.\n\nDoes anyone ever have these feelings, and if so, how do you handle them? What resources are good for helping someone figure out what to do with their life, in order to feel fulfilled and happy with their career? perhaps this is one of those things where seeking a professional, whether it be a therapist, or career counselor would be the only appropriate course of action. I just don't know, though.\n\nI appreciate anyone's insight, advice, suggestions, and personal thoughts that they are willing to share with me.\n\nP.S. if this is the incorrect sub for this sort of thing, I would be more than happy to redirect this post to one that is more fitting for this sort of topic. Thank you.", "answer": "What are some strengths that you have? What are some interests that you have? These are good questions to start. \n\nA career counselor is an excellent option for this. If you go to college, guaranteed there is one on campus. If not, expect to pay a fee. It can really help to have someone there to guide you and personalize advice for you and help you find options and resources.\n\nIf that's not for you, have you tried taking any career assessments?  [https://www.onetonline.org/](https://www.onetonline.org/) has one called \"My Next Move\" that can give you some ideas to start off with. Take the Interest Profile on there and see what you get. It's also a big database of careers that stays up-to-date with current info, so there's a lot there to explore. A lot of career counselors use it themselves.\n\nObviously an internet test, even one that's been tested and researched heavily, can't account for everything in your life but it's a start!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ez3fsr", "comment_id": "fgl17zo"}, {"question": "Anecdotes about alcohol from (normal?) drinkers are kinda sad", "description": "\"That one time we had a couple of drinks after work AT WORK and zomg it was sooo awesome\"\n\n\"Had a few drinks and laughed soooo hard lololol\"\n\n\"Had a rough week so I'll open the bottle as soon as I get home, because friday and asdfghjkl yolo drinking is so cool at 35\"\n\n\"When the kids are asleep I'm going to have a few glasses, this week was especially hard and I like totally need to unwind\"\n\nI'm having a hard time not reacting to these. It feels like so many people are under mass hypnosis - they might not have drinking problems, but everything nice/relaxing/memorable is associated to it. At 30+ years. Anyone else feel this?", "answer": "It took a while for me to really accept that I just had a different experience with alcohol than other people. Some people drink regularly and it is a really positive experience for them.\n\nI can identify with the feelings of everyone is under mass hypnosis via alcohol in the early months/years after quitting.\n\nI know it certainly doesn't work for me, but who am I to say it is a bad thing for people to have alcohol as a common factor for a lot of their experiences in life? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5vz6eh", "comment_id": "de60z6x"}, {"question": "Is it okay to JUST talk for therapy?", "description": "Every time I go into my session, my therapist lets me talk about my week, or whatever I\u2019ve been doing, and asks questions about how I\u2019m feeling, but they tend to talk a lot about exercises and have activities to do, and always go right to exercises.. things like personality tests and psychology based activities. I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s how all therapy is?? Every therapist has done this with me, but I\u2019m there for mostly my social anxiety so it\u2019s hard to say \u201cI don\u2019t want to do all these exercises!!\u201d (that are meant for me to get better, so why would I?) but I hate it, and it doesn\u2019t help. I feel unheard, and I just want to talk... I don\u2019t want to feel like I\u2019m working hard and thinking of what to say, like I\u2019m being tested always because of mind games.. I just want to talk about my problems, talk about my life, feel heard, feel understood and actually tackle and connect with my therapist for some good fucking talks. Is this too much to ask? Is this okay to ask for this?", "answer": "Definitely not how all therapy goes. That sounds overwhelming to me !  You said every therapist has done this, I'm not I know what it is.\n\nJust say what you said here.  You have a clear idea of your needs and that is great.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "foujcq", "comment_id": "fljwscj"}, {"question": "Young Alcoholics - YOU ARE NOT ALONE", "description": " I created a group called r/Young_Alcoholics for those 30 and under (non exclusive obviously, just geared towards) young alcoholics who can share, vent, their recovery process, their desire to get sober, or share the positives for those who are currently striving in their own recovery! Even trivial yet important things like dating alcohol-free! If you feel lonely due to the pressures of society, anxiety, depression, etc. feel free to join!!! I just turned 24 this week and am currently working on a month alcohol free!!", "answer": "I\u2019ve been sober since I was 23.  I\u2019m 65 now. Can I join?", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ke4r5n", "comment_id": "gg16byp"}, {"question": "Is it okay to be upset with a depressed and anxious friend?", "description": "Hi. I'm(18F) friends with A. (F22). I also live in a different state for university, though I come back and visit during breaks and we hang out. A. struggles with depression and anxiety. She's suicidal and has confided to me all of this. A. has a few close friends, and one M. M (25M) is leaving for the army. She is convinced that he will stop caring about her, and when I tried to speak with her (over text) about this, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it. I told her, alright, and asked a question. She hasn't responded yet, and it's been about a week. I'm worried about her, and also kind of upset at her for not responding, given that it's been a week. I'm planning to come home in a few days, and part of me just doesn't want to text her, and let her respond first. This is probably very minor, though and if I reached out she probably would respond. I'm just hurt she didn't. What should I do?", "answer": "I get why you\u2019re upset, it\u2019s understandable. With depression it\u2019s your level of upset x1000 and feeling of hopelessness and the fear (and reality) that people leave you because of having depression. When I\u2019ve been in the \u201cdark place\u201d I isolate because I don\u2019t think anyone cares and I felt they probably would be better off without me. I didn\u2019t reach out because I didn\u2019t think people wanted to deal with me and thought they would reject me if I tried because I was a burden no one wanted to deal with. Sometimes I pushed people away because it was safer. Her not responding is her probably being in a lot of emotional pain and feeling hopeless, afraid, and worthless. It\u2019s not about you, it\u2019s what she\u2019s going through mentally and emotionally. Depression kicks the crap out of your body as well, pain and exhaustion are a big part of it. Sometimes just getting out of bed and showering or eating feels like too much. Texting would be even harder to do. If you care about this person please reach out and just let her know you\u2019re there and that you care. You can\u2019t fix things for her, but being willing to listen and validate how she feels don\u2019t try to \u201ccheer her up\u201d or talk her out of feeling how she feels. Trust me she wishes she doesn\u2019t feel that way and pointing out all the great things she has in her life that she should be happy about will make it worse because she knows and feels crazy for feeling depressed (I\u2019ve had all this done to me when I was going through some heavy bouts with depression and it doesn\u2019t help it makes it worse and increases the shame and self loathing). Hope this is somewhat helpful. I totally get how you feel, it\u2019s hard to understand what\u2019s going on for your friend. Just remember it\u2019s not personal, there\u2019s a lot more going on than you know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fa724a", "comment_id": "fiwe7pm"}, {"question": "I just had to call a crisis line on my boyfriend", "description": "This is the third time in two months that he had to be taken away by the police to the hospital.   \n  \nFirst time he cut his wrist (was in the state hospital for about three weeks) - second time he got mad at me for trying to force him to take his meds he hadn't taken in three days went for a walk and took his clothes off in a construction site.(he was only out for three days) they kept him for about five. He came home last night and said this was going to be his last night alive. That he was going to die tonight and was acting erratic again.   \n  \nHe thinks \"demigods\" are after him, going to kill him, and there's nothing he can do to stop them. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to handle him and nothing will make him take his medicine when he gets out of the hospital. Has anyone had any experience with this?   Am I handling it incorrectly? I called before he actually did anything to attempt to hurt himself because he almost died last time of hyperthermia and I didn't want it to go that far.", "answer": "Look into seeing if there is an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) or Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) in your area. This is a structured outpatient program that meets several times weekly and are able to help keep him out of the hospital and increase his medication compliance.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wug3c", "comment_id": "cf5m6ja"}, {"question": "People make finding \"the one\" seem so damn easy..", "description": "It seems in my community of friends 2012 has been the year of countless marriage proposals, engagement parties and weddings. What I want to know is how the HECK are all of these people finding their match and more importantly making it run so smoothly up to a marriage proposal? I can't keep a guy interested in me for more than a year. It really baffles me to see guys so madly in love with a girl bc I absolutely can't imagine someone feeling that way about me. Do some girls just have better game than others? And what are they doing? Bc my problem isn't looks or brains.... ", "answer": "As someone in what other people probably see as \"the one\" kind of relationship, let me tell you that finding \"the one\" is actually a matter of finding someone who is *compatible with you* and then working your ass off to communicate, treat each other well, and keep things interesting. What does this mean for you? Keep dating--but stop waiting for \"the one\".", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "zaeir", "comment_id": "c62w6ye"}, {"question": "How did/do you inform employers of your PTSD?", "description": "Background: I am a female veteran with PTSD (Not combat related) I've been at my current job since being medically discharged from the military. I never mentioned the nature of my medical discharge to my employer because frankly, it's none of their business and I didn't want my chances of being hired affected.\n\nMy job requires me to wear an walkie-talkie type earpiece. My supervisor thinks it's fuckin hysterical to talk to me on the earpiece (distracting me) then walking up and standing behind me to scare the shit out of me.\n\nI don't want to go into detail, but it gives me pretty bad flashbacks and affects me for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week.\n\n\n\n\ntl;dr\n\nMy supervisor is an asshole.\n\nHow do you tell someone if they/their actions are a \"trigger\"?\n\nHow did you (or how can you) tell your employers about your PTSD?\n\n", "answer": "Is there an HR person you can go to, to explain what is going on?  You can explain to them that you are \"jumpy\" due to your military service or alternatively just say it is distracting and *makes you less productive as an employee.*  If your boss only does this to women workers it could also be a sexual harassment risk for the organization.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "1j97cv", "comment_id": "cbcmwwu"}, {"question": "The dumbest reason I've ever had a panic attack:", "description": "*Someone was mean to me on the internet.*\n\nGod, I feel so stupid.  \n\nI posted some pages of my journal/comic in /r/pics.  I scanned the rules, and I guess I misinterpreted what was meant.  In retrospect, I guess it's pretty clear.\n\n[This happened.](http://i.imgur.com/iu21n71.png)\n\nAnd I just\u2014I lost it.  Full-blown, hyperventilating, crying, shaking, sobbing, nauseous, dizzy, everything.  It's not about screwing up and posting something that isn't meant to be there (that's bad enough), but\u2014\n\nI've never had anyone be so intentionally cruel to me.  And I lived through middle school!  \n\nWhy, having been given the information that someone has panic disorder\u2014struggles with it every day\u2014why, *why* would you intentionally try to trigger them?\n\n\"Panic about the goddamned rules.\"\n\n*Fuck you, fuck your struggle, fuck the fact that you were trying to reach out to others.  Fuck good intentions, fuck your medical condition, fuck everything about you.  You posted a picture on the internet that I don't like, so I hope you have a goddamned fucking panic attack.*\n\nSomeone was mean to me on the internet.  \n\nIt's a dumb reason to be sad, to have your feelings hurt.  It's a really goddamned fucking *stupid* reason to have a panic attack.\n\nMan, I'm so sad right now.\n\n", "answer": "I've had anxiety attacks, cried, my depression really got to me, & wanted to kill myself over countless online messages. You should not feel ashamed that you had this panic attack. As someone else said, he was rude. This is common on the internet, but just know that you are loved & are supported by a lot of people also. Please, keep drawing & don't feel stupid!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1hn6c6", "comment_id": "caw9wgl"}, {"question": "Open relationship with My boyfriend?", "description": "Recently, My boyfriend asked me to be in an open relationship. Background: we have been dating for over two years and live together. He has frequently said he loves me like hes never loved anyone and that he wants to marry me someday.\n\nAbout two months ago, i lost My job and had problems that kept me from going to school. I was broke and depressed. Despite his begging me to live with him and be monogamous and supportive, he began arguing with me about money which had me feeling more depressed and hopeless. So, i applied for a good paying job in a city. (We live in a rural \u00e1rea with few jobs). \n\nI got a call back for the job and that vey day, i received news that My grandmother died so we both decided i may as well go to The interview as id have to head south anyway.\n\nAfter two weeks of talking with him about this, i had his blessing, I took The job and left for The city and stayed AT a friends. Every night he called me and we talked for hours, missing each other. A few days later, i couldnt take it and he was sad to\u00f3 so i asked him how he felt About me going back. He was happy and agreed. We made terms that we would be supportive, loving and exclusive. I quit My job and went back.\n\nHe kept telling me he loves me wants to marry eventually and have My children. We had been having a great time and we had been exclusive (or so i thought). \n\nA few days ago he asked to be open because he met a Girl. They had already gone on a few dates\n I have always typically consideres poly reasonable and natural but instead i feel betrayed. I left a job and we agreed to be mon\u00f3gamos just a month ago. He is The inscure type so i have to reassure him constantly that im faithful. Now i feel we live a double standard relationship. I am angry AT him for letting me leave a job and making me agree to terms he broke quickly. \n\n\nSee, ive been exclusive with him for years. I asked him if id be #1 or #2 and he said #1 for now. He is trying to blame me as its My fault because i left for that job for a few days. I feel hurt because we talked About My job for 2 weeks and agreed. He begged me to come back and now i feel left on My ass. I dont know what to Do\n\nUpdate: i got The girls number and called her  without my boyfriend knowing. She told me he had been lying to her to\u00f3, saying he was breaking up with me. She said they had slept together on a lunch break of his. He had told me they never even kissed.", "answer": "Yes that certainly is a betrayal. It seems that you want a monogamous relationship and unless he can commit to you as fully as before I don't think the relationship is going to be what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdqaf", "comment_id": "de9a7gc"}, {"question": "2 years w/o a drink or drug today and I'm ready to walk away from AA and NA completely, fucking hypocrites.", "description": "I can not stand to have someone criticize me from an ignorant point of view. I successfully complete what 97 out of 100 drunks can't do and get told I'm not doing it right cause I'm not a christian...fuck these people. I was a chronic stage 3 terminal drunk 2 years ago and while I may not be healthy as a horse today I haven't had a single desire to drink in 23 months. sure it took 18years in the program to get this milestone, but please just cut me a break, I must have done something right. I guess I better back up. I'm all about a literal interpretation of the BB and the traditions. I made a comment about how some of the things taken for granted in this backwater weren't actually written that way in the BB and it was up to an individual interpretation. The example I used was the third step prayer. Bill Wilson specifically states \" The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea...\" suddenly I'm a punching bag for the BB thumpers who never bothered to read the fucking thing. I have repeatedly, nay endlessly tried to offer an optional point of view in meetings so the confused newcomer may have a choice about letting these ignoramuses run them out to die drunk because of their own christian prejudices ...I'm about done. /rant", "answer": "I was in AA for 7 years in the bible belt of the US. Since day 1 I couldn't handle how some people rewrote AA to fit their Christian beliefs. Not everyone was like that, so I found myself gravitating towards people who weren't and flourished. I even learned to tolerate the BB thumpers. THEN I move to Paris, France and attended AA. Let's just say...you should move there. Problem solved.\nEdit: Hell, I don't know how to spell in English anymore.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "15zt6d", "comment_id": "c7rgzg9"}, {"question": "In Depression, the Reward System Is Key", "description": "Many of us are depressed because we are deprived of reward. We are not stimulating ourselves the way we were meant to. We are stuck in a perpetual groundhog day with no excitement. We don't enjoy anything. We don't feel interested in anything. There is more depression in the first world than the third world. Why? Because people in the third world have to fight for something. They have to struggle. In the first world, we have so little struggle many of us simply get chronically bored. The way we get better is by training our brain to feel pleasure again. We have to do things we don't want to. We have to force ourselves to try and talk to people and date even if we don't want. Put ourselves through school even if we don't want to.\nI'm still stuck being bored. I haven't been able to succeed at my own theory yet, but I know that has to be the key. I'm not depressed, I'm chronically bored. It may take years, but I have to try everything possible to feel pleasure again. I'm only 17; so my options are very limited. But as opportunities open up, I have to take them; even if I don't want to.", "answer": "Very well written.  I plan on writing an article in my blog soon all about this.  I like to have my clients think of their depression as a psychic parasite living inside them.  It tricks our minds into thinking that we won't/don't enjoy all of the things that are good for us (that would reduce/eliminate the depression) and tells us to do the things that will feed it ie. Stay inside, oversleep, cancel plans with friends, not eat, etc.  \n\nIf you want to kick the depression out you really need to force yourself to go against some of your depressed instincts or automatic thoughts.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6sg7bl", "comment_id": "dlclgwb"}, {"question": "My fiance won't let me hang out with any of my old female friends.", "description": "So I (36/M) used to have 2 or 3 platonic female friends who I would get together with occasionally. But my fiance (29/F) says now that we're engaged, I can't see these women one-on-one anymore. Mostly, I just miss having regular running and tennis partners (my fiance doesn't do either of these activities). Is she in the right here? Are you supposed to give up friendships with the opposite sex when you get married? Thanks.", "answer": "You have a right to any platonic friend you want to have. Period.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "771zm4", "comment_id": "doif7fo"}, {"question": "Is it over?", "description": "I seriously need some advice. I've been seeing this guy for about 6 months. Everything was great until the last few weeks. We've travelled to several places together, hung out at least once a week since meeting up. The last few weeks, I feel like he's been distant, I haven'tseen him in 2 weeks, he keeps saying he's burnt out from work (construction worker). \nWe had plans a week ago to go for dinner but apparently he feel asleep. Then HE made plans for tonight but then doesn't respond to text messages or phone calls (I'm thinking he's either asleep or avoiding me). We live only 5 miles away from each other (20-30 minute driving). I understand that he's tired but how should I tell him that it's either you get over the exhaustion and see me or it's not worth it, or I am over analysing the situation?? \n\nWe're 28 and 29 yo.*", "answer": "be direct with him about what he's thinking and feeling about the rel.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6avrxb", "comment_id": "dhhtx4m"}, {"question": "I am able to use my personal computer at work for ~40 hours a week, what are some useful skills I can start learning to help me in the professional world?", "description": "I'm a retail manager in a dying mall and my time here is certainly limited. However, while I'm here and not busy I want to start using my time more efficiently. I have picked up a program to help me learn another language and I am trying to get into programming as well, but I've only started that a few days ago so we'll see how far I can go with that. I'd love to go back to college someday and finish a degree but money is always tight so for now I'm looking to expand my skills as much as possible to help me get into a better job/career path sooner rather than later. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "Programmers are wanted in many countries and I think its a relatively doable skill to learn from a pc.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "b5ce0t", "comment_id": "ejcid2z"}, {"question": "Serious question with opinionated answers", "description": "Not looking to start a religious debate here but was looking for everyone's opinion about wine as sacrament/communion. I grew up in the church but am not very churchy however I went last Sunday for a family baptism and I accepted the wine as my sacrament (the church also offers grape juice) it was the same day I decided to begin my sobriety so I'm not counting it against my badge, just wondering what other's opinions of it were. Would you count it against your sobriety? I have a close family member who has been in AA my entire memory and they always take the grape juice. Can anyone share what the AA policy on communion is?", "answer": "No opinion on outside issues would be AA's official policy I assume, but as far as members go I'm almost certain most AA's take grape juice. I can't say I know though as I've never taken communion.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1o56ui", "comment_id": "ccoyo89"}, {"question": "Different therapist, different diagnosis... What's wrong!?", "description": "Hello everyone,\n\nI have a long history of mental illness and therapy, spanning all the way back to 2005. Mostly depression and panic attacks. I've seen some psychotherapists and some psychiatrists over that time. Most of the time I had to change the doc because I moved somewhere else (usually I'm glad I found one at all, you don't get to choose most of the time).\n\nSo, now my problem is this. I just saw another new psychiatrist, since we moved again. And I told my story, giving her an overview. At the end of the meeting, she had added/changed diagnosis to the list she got from my previous doc. Apparently I have a kind of PTSD now... I don't want to doubt her expertise or something and of course everyone has a different style of treatment, I'm just wondering: how can this be? After 15 years still new diagnosis? Am I doing something wrong when telling my story? It just seems so random and I'm totally confused what's happening...\n\n\nEDIT: thank you for your answers. I'll definitely will try to talk with my doc about it.\nI think my main concern with that is that's kind of shaking the foundation of my illness. Up until now the doctors said that a genetic disposition is causing my depression, now that doc says it is caused by trauma. But I never had a traumatic event or physical violence in my childhood. At least I didn't considered them as that. Maybe I'm just afraid that I have to start from the beginning in unraveling all things.", "answer": "It is completely ok to ask \"What event do you think is related to my PTSD?\" \n\nIt is very possible that neither psychiatrist is wrong , but that something else changed. One big thing that may have changed is time. \n\n15 years ago, diagnostic criteria for several disorders , including  PTSD was different than it is now.  For example , 15 years ago,  most sexual assaults were not sufficient for a diagnosis.  Now , they are , and also other types of non direct exposure.  \n\nAnother thing that has changed in 15 years is that it is no longer very common to believe a \"genetic predisposition \" alone causes depression. We know that genetics play a role (a specific genetic marker was identified in 2003) but there is much more to it. People with a depressed relative are 2-3x more likely to be depressed themselves,  but several factors are involved.  \n\nI understand that this must feel frustrating and, like you said,  it shakes up the foundation of everything you knew about your illness . These feelings are completely valid . Please discuss this with your psychiatrist so that you can better understand what changed and work through these feelings .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "geh06c", "comment_id": "fq52n3d"}, {"question": "Sudden heart racing... is it dangerous?", "description": "I was doing heavy bench pressing and after one of the sets my heart started pounding super fast and hard all of a sudden (about 180 per minute). I was not out of breath, nor did I feel tired. The heart rate would not go down.\n\nI decided to leave the gym, and after about 10 minutes my heart rate finally dropped.\n\nThis is not the first time. It happened to me last week as I was doing heavy deadlifts. Both time, it took about 15 minutes before my heart rate went back to normal. My normal rest heart rate is around 70.\n\nShould I stop weight training for a while and start doing some steady cardio (I'm in my early 30s, 6'2, 220lbs)?\n\nI don't drink coffee at all. My life is pretty steady and I'm not stressed by anything. I get around 8 hours sleep per night.\n", "answer": "Hm. You should probably see a doctor. Could be a number of things, including heart block.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x1cd8", "comment_id": "defa6ag"}, {"question": "My therapist told me they are not attracted to me: I feel rejected but also hopeful", "description": "My therapist told me they are not attracted to me: I feel rejected but also hopeful \n\nI told my therapist I was experiencing erotic transference and was attracted to them again today.\nThey said they feel really clear about not being attracted to me and how they never would cross that boundary because it is not ethical. They told me they still care about me even though they are not attracted to me. We talked about how because of my Child sexual abuse history, i always associated caring/love with sexuality.. so it feels like they are taking away love for not being sexually interested. We talked about how there is transference going on where I am idealizing them because they represent what I needed and never got from a caregiver. I told them there is a part of me that feels I can make them like me and I wanted to know why they weren\u2019t attracted to me. They said they were going to set a boundary there and not answer those questions.\n\nI told them I felt mad at them and rejected for saying that they were not attracted to me. I told them it made me feel like I was unattractive since I have based my worth on others\u2019 opinions and validation. I asked them if they felt disgusted with me for liking them. They said no, they were not disgusted. They said they understood where the disgust was coming from.. it may be because I am feeling disgust thinking about how my dad crossed inappropriate sexual boundaries and also because I am being queer for being attracted to my therapist (I am a woman and they are transmasculine/queer).\n\nI told them I feel hopeful and safer now that I know they would not cross that boundary/are not even attracted to me. This is important work and breakthrough! Someone is caring about me without wanting a sexual incentive!! I still have hurt feelings and ego though, for them not being attracted to me.\n\nDo you all think they could have said they were not attracted to me in a gentler way?\n\nThis is a good session, though.. I\u2019d say. Support would be appreciated! Thank you :)", "answer": "Hey I work as a therapist and lurk in this sub (to better understand and support this community) and I wanted to say you did amazing work, and you have yourself a very good therapist there. These are tough but important conversations to have and both of you navigated it beautifully. Sounds like it was a very healing experience for you!", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "fov993", "comment_id": "flincf4"}, {"question": "Is ADHD caused by a chemical imbalance.", "description": "Hello psychiatrist of the world, I\u2019m an 18 year old child suffering from ADHD, depression and anxiety. To be quite honest my life is spiralling downwards to suicide. However I have reached out to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I was tested and was told that I definitely have ADHD. I was wondering the causes of ADHD and there is a lot of conflict on what the causes are, so my question to you is that is ADHD really caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain? \n( please try to answer as simply as possible as I am not the most knowledgeable or understanding at the moment) and please answer?", "answer": "The biology of psychiatric disorders, including ADHD, isn\u2019t well understood. \u201cChemical imbalance\u201d is definitely a gross oversimplification when it isn\u2019t outright wrong.\n\nPerhaps a useful question is what helps. Even if ADHD isn\u2019t caused by a problem with dopamine or norepinephrine signaling, medications that increase those reduce ADHD symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjc3dy", "comment_id": "evcf5lo"}, {"question": "How did I survive my sleeping pill overdose?", "description": "I mean, I\u2019m really happy that I did. But I always thought they would kill you so I was surprised to wake up after taking 48 25mg sleeping pills, I learned later they were diphenhydramine. How did I survive so many pills? I feel really bothered, in the sense that I can\u2019t convince myself I actually survived, though I\u2019m happy to be conscious wherever I am now. Now I\u2019m scared I\u2019m dead, in a coma, or in another reality. Dumb, I know. I\u2019m 30, female, 140 pounds.", "answer": "\"Sleeping pills\" are not all the same. For most, lethal overdose is possible, but actually very unlikely. Death by overdose in suicide attempts occurs in a tiny minority of cases. Diphenhydramine overdose can cause or worsen hallucinations, and it can be very physically unpleasant, but it's rarely risky.\n\nHearing voices telling you to kill yourself could be a number of conditions, all of them treatable. A doctor who just said, \"Yes, you loved, no permanent damage,\" dropped the ball. Ideally see a psychiatrist and describe your experience, then and now; discussing with your primary care doctor is certainly a good start.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f81gzc", "comment_id": "fijmwst"}, {"question": "Should let him go?", "description": "My bf and I am have been dating for few years now. We had a rough start but we were madly in love with each other. I found out he had been talking to girls online in the first year of our relation which made a huge dent in our relation. I forgave him but it made me into a suspicious maniac. He always gave excuses like I wasn't ready to be so serious and blaming it on his ex relationship. He has evolved in the years and we have come close to marriage now. Our families are just waiting for the announcement anytime. I recently found out that he had been sexting some random chic again like 6 months ago while he was out of state to work. He had been in the same workplace as this woman. It was a brief thing during that time, that he says was just sexting but I don't want to believe it. I know he isn't seeing anyone now or sexting. We have an amazing sex life but he blames these things (when caught) on either some fight we were having or My suspicious behavior. But whenever I have suspected and tried to figure stuff out I have found something. I am torn. I love him a lot and so does he but when something of such nature comes into light he seems like a total different person, a nasty stranger. These women he flirts with are always less attractive and I feel like he has a type. It disgusts me but I can't put my family and my feelings aside to think straight. And he emphasizes on privacy so much. I don't understand it. I see other couples and see them as one but he just wants his privacy so much which makes me more suspicious.  Please advice.", "answer": "He blames you for him not being able to keep his own word. High risk of ongoing bullshit here, marriage or not. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694ojm", "comment_id": "dh3qb2a"}, {"question": "[17M] HELP! I accidentally injected air into myself", "description": " I wasn't thinking and injected my blood thinner needle of air into myself. I only inject about 4mL of air but I'm really starting to freak out. I injected at a 45 degree angle into my belly fat.  \n\n Medication I\u2019m currently on: 81MG of baby aspirin once at night and two doses of 7.5 mL of Lovenox blood thinners. All to prevent blood clots due to me having Portal Vein Thrombosis.", "answer": "As the other poster said, injection of air into an artery is very bad. Injection into a vein is bad only if it's a very large amount. Subcutaneous injection, as you would with Lovenox, is no problem. Most likely it has just come out with the needle, but it won't cause problems even if it takes a while to absorb.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "df33r0", "comment_id": "f30qcpz"}, {"question": "Should I quit work?", "description": "I (18M) work 5 hours a day as a grocery clerk. Work is tiring, boring and recently has become pretty strict. My 2 breaks have been cut into 1, I have to ask a manager if I can go on break, and I can no longer listen to music while I work. I\u2019m also trying to improve myself but I never feel like I have the energy to do so. I also get depressed because I think of work. It\u2019s not terrible, but I feel like I don\u2019t have the time/energy to improve myself because of it. I\u2019m thinking about working the holiday, then quitting and going to community college and try to figure out what I want to do in life. The pay isn\u2019t all that great and isn\u2019t worth it to me. I have a lot of money saved up. Should I quit when the holidays are over and focus more on myself?", "answer": "I second trying to find another job first. That way you have a backup plan and way to support yourself, even if the pay is a little less. Or, stay at your current job until you get enrolled in CC.\n\nTake a look at what the CC has to offer and budget out how much you'll need to pay in tuition, and how much you spend each month on food, rent, utilities, etc. If you quit your job, how long will that savings last? Will you have enough money leftover for things like textbooks or unexpected emergencies? I do think getting that education will be worth it for you, but you have to make sure you have a way to support yourself. \n\nRemember to apply for any financial aid you can find for CC. Fill out the FAFSA - you'll need your last 2 years of tax return/income info but I'm sure you'll qualify for some federal aid. \n\nAnother possible option - maybe you could ask to work fewer shifts at your current job? Or take up a part-time job elsewhere.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e65u69", "comment_id": "f9o0hmn"}, {"question": "unknown illness, please help,my doctors don't seem to listen.", "description": "good afternoon reddit community,\n\nfirst of all, in truth this is my first ever post, so im sorry if im posting to the wrong sub. Also this is a long post, you have been warned!\n\ni am 32 and live in the uk. female, about 5;2 and have been steadily getting more and more ill for the at 2ish years.\n\nit started with exhaustion, i am asthmatic and the doctors put it down to me not having the correct inhalers, after about 3 months of visits we finally settled on the correct dosage (fostair inhaler 200/6 as a preventer mmorning and night and aventolin inhaller for as and when i needed it) Yet still i was getting exhausted all the time. again after repeat visits over the course of the next 4 months, the doctor final did some blood tests. he found i had a severe vitamin D and folic acid deficiency and i was prescribed vitamins. after a couple of weeks i felt a little better, my mood was definitely better, i was less snappy and grumpy, but the exhaustion hadn't gone away, though i was able to copy with it better because my mood was more positive.\n\nfast forward another few months, all the previous appointments, id spoken about pain in my ankles when walking alot,this had been ignored, but now it was getting unbearable. when ever i walked any where quickly pain would start in my ankle on the top were it connects to my foot, the in a line down the back of my calf, then my feet would go numb, this was very painful and made walking difficult, like i was just slapping my feet on the floor. the doctor gave me an anti inflammatory called naproxen but this seemed to have no effect other than effecting my asthma so i didnt take it.\n\ni was then away for work for a couple of months, so could go back, when i got home my knees had started hurting. i went to he doctors again, they gave me a different anti inflammatory and said to rest. again this affected my asthma so couldnt take it. at this point i was fed up of going to the doctors, so didnt go back, i rested when i could and just kind of got used to the constant pain after a day at work, so whyen it started hurting all the time i just put it to the back of my mind and lived with it, putting it down to getting old. i had a few doctors appointments in the mean time for my pill (cerelle) or asthma check ups, i mentioned it again, but was just told to exercise.\n\nthen the pain started in my shoulders, at this point i was also experiencing pain in my groin/hips, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my knees so i was just blocking it out. i went in to my doctors again, i sat down and said before i begin, i do not want a sick note, im not depressed, i just want help to not be in pain any more. he seemed to take notice and referred me to the rheumatism specialist at the hospital. it took a month for me to get an appointment booking letter, i rang immediately, they booked me an appointment and said the date would be on a letter they would send. it arrived. my appointment was for 6 months time. i stayed positive, at least i would finally get an answer.\n\nanother couple of months pass and i just cant take the pain anymore, im not sleeping well and this is effecting every aspect of my life. i go back to the doctors, the give me Tramadol and write to the hospital to move up my appointment date.\n\ni am finally mostly with out pain for the first time in the longest time. i can sleep but also feel slightly wobbly and drunk all the time, i am able to work at my old pace and get on with my life again. my appointment is moved up to next month, i slowly try to stop taking the Tramadol, the pain returns slowly with it.\n\nat my hospital appointment i spoke to a friendly female doctor who writes things down and asks questions, has me lay down and moves my knee cap around. she calls the department professor who asks about me, asks if im depressed, then makes excuses to leave with the female doctor. she comes back in, prescribes me celecoxib (one in the morning) and amitriptyline (10mg in the evening) and gave me an injection in the top of my right buttock. then they took lots of blood and She told me they had no answers but to try this and see a physio of graduated exercise.\n\ni hurt all over but my knees where worst. the injection they told me should make me feel better for up to 2 months. the area where they injected continued to hurt for 2 weeks. my next appointment was in 2 months time. the celecoxib made movement easier but only dulled the pain a little. they had told me with conditions like this i would have to learn to live with the pain. so i tried. the physio came me small exercises to do every other day and see him in 2 weeks (ankle raises, step ups, sliding down the wall holding my knees bent) i tried, lasted about a week, then i could hardly move with out wanting to cry out. i went back, he cut them in half and again see him in 2 weeks. i tried again, only once, when i felt still worse because of it i stopped. my shoulders had hurt badly for a while but now i couldnt move my head with out wanting to pass out because of the pain. i went back to the physio, he refused to see me and made me an emergency doctors appointment. they gave me some dihydro-cosine for the pain and said the muscles in my shoulders had spasm'd that's what caused the pain. it was excruciating. it came in waves, it hurt so much to move my head or arms at all, and then the dihydro-cosine made it worse, giving me a migraine. i resorted to rest and normal paracetamol. after about a week it started to fade, though my shoulders remained tense.\n\nThen was my next hospital appointment. i explained it felt worse and told him about the physio and my shoulders and that i hadnt slpet well. he said that could be a symptom of what was wrong with me and that i needed more sleep as that can make it worse. He increased my amitriptyline to 20mg and the told me to increase it again to 40mg after two weeks. if i was having a bad pain day to take 2 of the celecoxib (200mg) in the morning also. then he gave me 2 steroid injections in the cavities in my shoulders and said it that didn't help to go back to the doctor and ask for them to write to the hospital so they could bring my appointment forward.\n\nSo here i am 3 weeks after that, my shoulders still hurt and yesterday i had to come home from work because i am having difficulty walking. i went to the doctors who wrote it all down and emailed the hospital. She then told me to rest and put ice or something hot on them. i tried to rest yesterday and i had a bath which helped, but today its still hard to walk. it feels like my knees just arent there? yet stiff at the same time and like they want to go backwards, it feels like my muscles are just wasting away.\n\ni am at a loss. i simply dont know what to do. if anyone has any idea please do comment. i just want to live my life again, i am very fortunate to have a wonderful partner who helps me and an understanding boss but i cant carry on like this.\n\nthank you for taking the time to read, again, sorry for the length but this has been a long journey for me and i didn't no what details would be relevant. the only thing i have left out is the terrible bed side manor of the professor, he is rude and asks like nothing i say is relevant, not to mention that he exposed me to the rest of the hospital in a state of undress after the shoulder injections sweeping out of the room. its a distressing experience every time i go.\n\nhoping anyone can help.\n\nxx", "answer": "[Fibromyalgia](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Fibromyalgia/Pages/Introduction.aspx) is a possibility, but other medics might come up with alternatives.\n\nWhats your medical and psychiatric history? What medications are you prescribed? Any over the counter medications? Alcohol? Smoking (tobacco or cannabis)? Other drugs?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jeh7h", "comment_id": "dbflr2q"}, {"question": "My wife just told me she has bulimia and makes herself throw up after almost every meal. How do I help her get well?", "description": "So far I've told her that were in this together and that I'm going to help her overcome it and not to worry. Then I insisted that she see a psychologist or mental health professional and discuss it with them. She seemed more than willing to do that. Luckily I have pretty decent health insurance. In the mean time what do I do to help her stop? Or help her in general. I know nothing about this disorder aside from surface level info and have never known someone that had it. Thank you for any advice.", "answer": "Good on you for supporting her and encouraging her to get help!\n\nHere's some recommendations on what you two can do while you wait for your first appt:\n\n1. If it can happen sooner, get an appointment with her GP/OB. Having a medical professional involved with an eating disorder is essential. You would ideally want to go between them and a mental health professional. Having a doctor monitor weight fluctuations, nutrition levels, and other body changes due to bulimia is super helpful.\n2. Start documenting things about your wife's eating habits and behavioral patterns. What are the general meal times? How frequently does she eat? Does she thto up immediately after her meal or does she wait a period of time? Are there any meals she won't purge? How much is she eating during meal times? Is there excessive exercise or caloric restriction? All of that is good for both professionals to know.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e0y9j4", "comment_id": "f8jmhzj"}, {"question": "I'm (23F) not sure if this is how a long term relationship feels after the honeymoon phase with my boyfriend (23M)", "description": "So as the title says, although we have dated other people in the past, this is both mine and my boyfriend's first time being in a long-term relationship. We've been together for a year and a half now. \n\nNow, cliche I know, but everything has been quite wonderful between the both of us - we have a lot of common interests and values, respect and care for each other, been very loyal etc. The reason why despite all those qualities I'm concern is because while comparing to when we first started dating, I feel like my boyfriend is not as affectionate or puts as much effort anymore.\n\nWe had a serious discussion late last year over this after not seeing each other for around three weeks because my boyfriend is a student and had exams, and we live around an hour away from each other. I told him I missed him and I was kind of upset he didn't want to see me as badly as I did. He said while he really liked our time together he didn't miss me. I guess I was hurt because when we first started dating he used to tell me he missed me a lot. I have at one point told him I think I have feelings more than \"like\" for him. My family never said \"I love you\" to each other before so I'm not used to saying this to someone seriously. My boyfriend told me while he still really cares and like me, he doesn't love me yet and doesn't know if he will or will not in the future. He has never told any past ex-girlfriends he loved them either. I asked him for his definition of love and he said he's not sure, it's something he feels. So I decided to drop it for now because I thought he was intimidated of the word \"love\". In the end, we both decided to continue dating because we still really want to be together. Also, we promise we'd break up with each other if we feel that we're dragging the other person along. He emphasized he really cares about me and doesn't want me to think he doesn't appreciate what we have.\n\nThe reason why I don't feel he is as affectionate as before is because while he's normally not a sweet talker to anyone, he used to tell me things like he missed me, or he never liked another girl as much, or tell me compliments more often. I just felt more wanted and special to him before. He still holds my hand, cuddles with me, and we have sex. So while together, I can feel physical affection, it's hard to tell his feelings for me when we're apart for a while. And in terms of effort, he used to plan surprise dates, or we'll chill on a weekday too, or he'll like to have a Skype session. He still tries occasionally to do some of the work but I feel exhausted on my end always brainstorming of things to do and finding things online. Lately, I feel like I just ran out of ideas for dates. I know he's super busy during the school year juggling two part time jobs so I try to understand as much as possible and appreciate the time he makes for me. \n\nSo I guess my question is have you been through something similar and if so, what did you do? My boyfriend and I just talk about our issues and try to understand each other, but what should our course of action be to try and make this work out? Is this how a normal long term relationship is or are we both wasting each other's time? I'm just confused on what to do and not sure what to ask.\n\nTL:DR - First long term relationship for both boyfriend and I. Not sure if it's normal to feel like boyfriend is more affectionate and puts more effort in the beginning of the relationship. Now, I don't feel as important to him. ", "answer": "You have to be verbally direct about your needs and wants. In a ltr, there's a flow, a give and take. It's a constant process of re-evaluating and re-negotiating the status quo so everyone is getting what they need. You need to have some big discussions, and if they're not fruitful, go to counseling.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "63nieb", "comment_id": "dfvnp9w"}, {"question": "How to strengthen a relationship?", "description": "I am a highschool senior and i am dating a high school junior girl. I know you might say that we're just in high school and we don't know what real love is. Yeah, we don't know what it feels like to live with each other but i want to be able to last enough to get to that stage. What are some things small or big that will strengthen our relationship and get us closer than ever? I just know this girl is amazing and i want to get even closer to her.", "answer": "make sure you have similar values and goals in life. be considerate, kind, thoughtful.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60sor7", "comment_id": "df9cl8x"}, {"question": "Questions about asking tough questions in therapy and when is then proper timing?", "description": "Hello all, not sure if this is the right place for this or not but I am realizing that I need to tell my therapist about what is going on in my head. \n\nI'm honestly considering suicide, and I remember back in the introductory sessions he asked me and I lied. He said, \"Have you ever dealt with suicidal thoughts or thoughts that you don't want to be alive anymore?\" and I responded \"Well, yeah kinda, I've thought it would easier not to have to do this if I was dead\" but ultimately I hid it so well I'm fairly confident that he has no idea to what extent it has been going on. \n\nMy question is, I have an appointment in about 5 hours and I know I should say something to him about it but I have a vacation coming up this weekend and really don't want to get locked up before then. Should I just ignore it until I come back from vacation? How do I even breach the subject? I've thought maybe I could say something like this \"I've been having thoughts that should worry me but they don't\" but then I'm afraid he will find out that I'm considering suicide and have me locked up. \n\nI hate this so much! Please help me", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here.\n\nIt sounds like you have seen an increase in suicidal thoughts and it's unsettling for you. You want to broach the subject with your therapist so you can work through it but are afraid that they will involuntarily admit you inpatient right before your vacation.\n\nWhen someone wants to approach a difficult topic with me, I invite them at the beginning of session to direct the conversation as they like. Sometimes they will come into the office and go \"I want to talk about something difficult\" and then I'm all ears. The fact that you are wanting to talk about the difficulties you've been having with the suicidal thoughts will play into your counselor's risk assessment.\n\nI encourage honesty whenever possible mixed with some realism. When considering speaking with your therapist, some of the questions they might ask include things like \"Have you started formulating a suicide plan? Do you have any lethal means available to you? Have you attempted before? Who in your support system knows about these thoughts?\" If you are willing and able to safety plan with your therapist then that increases your ability to remain at your current level of care.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f5966q", "comment_id": "fhxc98u"}, {"question": "Any tips on how to stay calm yet still have energy?", "description": "Hello all,\n\nI work at a restaurant so naturally it can be a stressful environment that involves late nights and inconsistent schedules. I am a student as well, but the winter semester doesn't start for a couple weeks. I notice how so many people at work and at school can stay so calm yet have all this energy to get so many things done throughout the day/night and they push themselves to work incredibly hard and because of this, they are so successful. Does anyone have any tips to stay calm yet energized? I feel as though I can be one or the other. I just get so frustrated with myself for not getting things done despite making lists and therefore I'm incredibly lazy or I get everything (simple tasks) done and am still stressed because there's always more and it never ends! I prioritize and make goal lists daily but still feel I'm not good enough as others are, that I'm lazy, and that something just isn't right with me. Sometimes I think it's that's just the way I was born and the problem is with my neurochemicals and other times I get caught in this loop of I'm not trying hard enough and I'm not good at anything. Thank you for any advice!\n\n**Tl;dr How can one stay calm and clear-headed in stressful situations but still stay energized enough to get all goals accomplished throughout the day and night?**", "answer": "Have you tried mindfulness? Some people think of it as sitting down and meditating and thus feel it can\u2019t be used in a high energy situation like yours, but it can. One way is to narrate internally to yourself what you are doing. \u201cNow I am walking these dishes back to the kitchen. Step, step, step. Here is the sink. I am placing the dishes in the sink. Now I will get the drinks for Table 12. One coke, one water, two coffees. I will walk them out to Table 12 now. Step, step, step.\u201d\n\nYou don\u2019t have to do this all night long at work, just when you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, although it\u2019ll also be helpful to do when you aren\u2019t at peak anxiety to stave off more intense stress/anxiety responses. This exercise helps you try to focus on your actions and what\u2019s happening presently rather than all of the anxious, racing thoughts in your head. Does it make sense how that has the potential to be calming? This may or may not work well for you since everyone\u2019s different but it\u2019s worth a try!\n\nEdit to add a couple words ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a8dudi", "comment_id": "ec9wms1"}, {"question": "I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.\n\nIt seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Some things concern/scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  In my teen years I also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  Each time I experience a particularly difficult call I get a little more worried.\n\nI know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis.  I know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. I know I shouldn't be \"OK\" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "I'm a clinical psych doctoral student. Ethically, I can't diagnose or provide treatment, but I will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. This is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "ficplxg"}, {"question": "What do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and I (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged. I know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts. \n\nWe planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on. \n\nI'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "What do you gain by this relationship. What do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "f6l9i8m"}, {"question": "Hard time remaining motivated in abstinance", "description": "I know I don't want to do the drugs that got me in trouble now, but I still want to use. Unfortunately I've found that my new favorite alternative to coke is just as addictive and controlling. Logically I should back-pedal the fuck away from this, but after a couple of weeks of remaining abstinent, I lose track of how important living right and not using is, until I fuck up in some way, and life gives me a heads up in some form of trouble. How do you cope with this? - inb4 \"call your sponsor\".", "answer": "Not trying to fulfill your inb4, but if you're in a twelve step group you know the answer to your question\n\nThe fact of the matter is I wanted to use every single day until I started to work the steps. I don't know if you're working a program or not, but if you are I can tell you, not only did the twelve steps get me sober, but they also gave me a new design for life. A life that is happy, joyous, and free. I know what you're talking about when you're sitting there thinking, \"I WANNA USE I WANNA USE I WANNA USE.\" It's miserable and you don't have to live that way.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1p3rpv", "comment_id": "ccyhnia"}, {"question": "Sharing a therapist", "description": "I have a quick question that I couldn't find an answer to online.\n\n​\n\nI have been seeing a therapist for about 7 years. I am down to monthly visits, and quite frankly I don't think I will stop going to a therapist ever. I have had severe depression due to genetics and environment. I will always have a depressive tendency. I prefer to just keep seeing someone as 'maintenance' rather than risk relapse.\n\n​\n\nThat being said, my roommate wants to start seeing a therapist. I made the mistake of mentioning that my therapists name and she is in network for my roommate. Will my therapist see both my roommate and myself  as clients? Would that be a conflict?", "answer": "It's possible that they would.  It's not really considered good clinical practice if there are alternatives that are easily available for your roommate.  \n\nIf your therapist knew this person was your roommate (you can/should probably tell them) and there were plenty of other good therapists around, the best practice for your therapist would be to refer them to someone else.  \n\n\nAll of that aside, if there aren't many other options around, your therapist doesn't think it would interfere with their ability to be unbias towards both of you, or if they start working with the person having no idea they're roommates with you as well, there's a possibility they'd take them on.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blfoq9", "comment_id": "emo1vy0"}, {"question": "Why did my pediatrician not tell me my TSH was elevated?", "description": "I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 19 (TSH at the time 10.6) and now I'm on 50 mcg of levothyroxine, with no symptoms and normal TSH. I recently dug up a few pediatric tests and they included TSH at: 4.5 age 11, 5.1 age 12, 4.5 age 13, 5 age 16. There was another test at age 14 that didn't include it and I didn't go to the checkup at age 15. The last one also included free T4 at 1.61. At the time I had anorexia and was mildly emaciated BMI ~15 every time and height about the ~60th percentile IIRC although I haven't been able to find those records. I looked up reference ranges for pediatric TSH and apparently mine was around 97.5th percentile (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2645400/) plus there's an inverse correlation between weight and TSH (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830292/) and since hypothyroidism is present in 1 to 2% of people (https://academic.oup.com/bmb/article/99/1/39/298307) I feel like given the information available at the time you could reasonably conclude that my lifetime risk of having hypothyroidism was high. My diagnosis was difficult as well because I thought my symptoms were due to underweight. The tests also included a complete hemogram, glucose, lipidogram, electrolytes and a few others that were unremarkable except for high cholesterol. ", "answer": "It's impossible for us to know a why from another doctor years ago. All of those TSH values are just on the upper edge, and the one included T4 is within normal range, so it's possible the decision was to keep an eye on it, which is what happened. In addition, anorexia causes all kinds of hypothalamic-pituitary axis dysfunction, and a BMI of 15 isn't \"mildly\" anything\u2014that is on the border between the diagnostic categories of severe and extreme anorexia nervosa. The hope may have been that normalizing your weight would also normalize your thyroid function.\n\nIn any case, it seems that when your TSH rose to a definitely diagnostic level, you were diagnosed and treated. Other pediatricians might have pursued hypothyrodism more aggressively, but I don't think there's any clear indication that that would be a better medical approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd6pd", "comment_id": "eeumsna"}, {"question": "Can /r/social skills recommend some pre-packaged social interaction?", "description": "My situation is not too uncommon. I am an engineering student with a part time job, I've had no time for friends. This coming semester, I will probably quit my job. I'd like to get back into the social scene. I'll have most evenings free. My class at school is made up of 85 gentlemen and 3 ladies, so I'd like to find something that had a better gender balance. The school I go to is mostly a technical college, so the campus programs are going to be mostly gentlemen again. There are programs for nursing, marketing and business that attract the ladies, but that just adds more social barriers. They are in a different building, and I am only going to see them when they are trying to study. Its a bad situation for a cold approach.\n\nWhen I was in high school, I went to a YMCA youth group. I think I would like to get into something like that again.  I liked that situation a lot, I think the only time I can function in a social setting is where I'm put in a room with a bunch of people and someone tells me who to talk to. Does anything like that exist for college aged people? ", "answer": "Meetup.com is a great option. I also recommend improv theater classes, as well as clubs based around your interest (just google for your interest + your city.) Churches will often have student groups or young adult groups. So lots of different options out there :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "146lby", "comment_id": "c7acqm3"}, {"question": "I saw your picture with your new boyfriend today", "description": "I was about to get started on my essay when I checked instagram and saw your post with your new boyfriend, glass of champagne in both of your hands. Funny. You refused to touch alcohol with me and hated the very taste, and condoned me for having the occasional drink. Funny how things change. \nYou promised to be with me forever, to marry me, and a week later you broke up with me. And two and a half months later you have a new boyfriend. I always knew that stuff about getting into another relationship atleast a year after the breakup was bullcrap. \nI hope you\u2019re happy. I hope he keeps you happy and safe. You must be elated with not having to do long distance anymore. I hope he is a nice guy and gives you what you need. You always told me your ideal guy was a tall, dark-complexioned guy who is smart and studies science. I think you found him. I just never thought you\u2019d leave me for one. \nI hope he can help you with your depression and panic attacks. I used to refer to a website to help and comfort you when you had anxiety attacks. Hopefully the new guy won\u2019t need that. \nSometimes I feel like this is a bad, horrible dream. I\u2019ll wake up to your beautiful good morning texts wishing me a lovely day. But then reality comes crashing down on me. \nI love you a lot, my sweetheart. I miss poking your nose and tickling you and I miss running the back of my fingers on your cheeks.  I miss our late night calls and I miss seeing your beautiful grin. I miss your family. I don\u2019t know how I\u2019ll ever get over you. I\u2019m just going to look at this picture till it stops hurting me. \nI miss you so much, it hurts. But I\u2019d rather die than let you know all this.  \n\nEDIT: Wow, this gained a lot more visibility than I thought it would.  Thank you to everyone who took out time to write something positive. I immensely appreciate all the advice and the thoughtful comments. I followed the advice and did the needful- blocked her off all social media, all messengers, deleted her number as well. It was a tough move, but it had to be done. Now I can focus on moving on and getting my life back together.  Thank you. \n\nTo everyone going through something similar, or any sort of hard times...talk about it. Talk to your friends,  family, if you\u2019re not comfortable with that, talk here,\npm me, anything. It helps. Don\u2019t bury the sadness inside you. Time might heal everything, but you still gotta deal with the pain. Godspeed. ", "answer": "Oh man I know all of those feelings. My Ex dumped me because they couldn't do long distance any more. I thought I would marry them, we've talked about it. I was pretty close with their family. I helped them go through depression and panic attacks. I was always there for them. They'd post snaps about them going out shortly after we broke up and it ripped my heart into pieces. They said they would want to stay in contact, but they never put for the effort to do so, so it just felt like a lie. They had another panic attack and begged me to help them, since no one else did, so I did. After that is was the same  that they wanted to still talk, but never put in the effort. I was alone, and did not have anyone to turn to since they were my only form of support. \n\nThinking back to it there were little things that added up, that I just ignored. I felt at times it was a 90/10 split and I just felt so drained for putting in so much effort into the relationship, and they didn't reciprocate. I did try jumping into a new relationship fairly quickly and it failed. I knew the time wasn't right and I needed to take time to myself. I shouldn't force something upon myself to fill a void. \n\nRight now I have someone new in my life, and things are going well. I did not intentionally mean to meet someone like this, but it happened. If they do not work out, they don't work out. I know things are shit right now, and you feel like there is a hole in your heart. It takes time to heal wounds; physically and mentally. Take this time to be your self, someone will come into your life when you least expect it.\n", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7f89vf", "comment_id": "dqaa1n9"}, {"question": "Lost and confused.", "description": "So , just recently my GF and I of 14 years split . We had our normal ups and downs over the years. \nOver the last 4 months, she lost her job for stealing , I caught her texting multiple guys, multiple times , and finally just hit the wall where I couldn't take it anymore. \nI cant be around her because I am completely crushed, and destroyed. Though I have tried. Most of my stuff is still at the house we shared. I cant bring myself to even go get anything. \nI have slept a few hours in the past few days, I can barely eat , and can hardly keep anything down , relying mostly on soda for calorie intake at this point. Smoking way more than I should and drinking every few nights just to be able to pass out and get some sleep. \nSeriously having a hard time picking myself up , not even sure if I want to . At this point all options are on the table .", "answer": "Sounds rough. Breakups suck, but it sounds like she\u2019s not someone you want to be with. Better to end it like you did and then work through the pain of it. You will be much better off when you get on the other side of it. In the meantime crank \u201cNo Love\u201d by Eminem and Lil Wayne and say fuck her.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c81bkr", "comment_id": "esj4etm"}, {"question": "I'm losing weight (bad) and am having trouble finding time to eat.", "description": "I'm a college student and I'm up to my neck in work. I don't mind it, it's fun actually. What's not fun is how much weight I've been losing. I've probably dropped 10 pounds or so in the past month (I take Adderall which makes me forget to eat). I'm already underweight and this isn't good. I just never seem to have enough time to cook anything and I'm worried that I'll continue to lose weight. I've begun to eat double of what I used to at breakfast, but I don't know if that's enough. Help?", "answer": "It might be helpful to talk with your prescriber, he/she may have some suggestions on how to handle the decreased appetite side effect. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "2mf2av", "comment_id": "cm3mqvc"}, {"question": "I think I'm going to be ok...", "description": "Ok so this is my first time posting on here. This is a long post so feel free to skim. \nHere is my story:\n\nIn August 2018 I was 122kg and absolutely miserable. I started the keto diet and within the first month it was clear to me that this was something I could do. I stuck with it and continued to drop more and more weight. Every so often we (my husband and I) would break our diet and have a day off to eat whatever. Which was fine, until I began to realise that I would put on about 1kg everytime we did this. Also I became obsessed with my weight, weighing myself everyday multiple times. \n\nI don't remember the exact date, and I don't know how I even decided to do it because I HATED throwing up. But one day after eating crap all day and having a break from keto I made myself throw up. And the next day,  I was still the same weight. It was like a lightbulb moment. I could do this whenever I broke keto, and because it was only once every couple of weeks it wasn't a problem. This was probably sometime in October.\n\nThis continued for a couple of months, no big deal I told myself. That was until Christmas time rolled around. We had days of family dinners and whatnot planned and there was no way I was going to allow myself to put on any weight. I spent one week straight making myself throw up everyday. Crap. Now it was becoming a problem. \n\nJanuary rolled around and we went back onto keto properly. At this stage I had lost 30kg. But now even when I was eating keto if I weighed to much at the end of the day, I would purge. Anyway,  I don't know what happened but slowly we just kept falling off the wagon and were eating more and more crap. But I wasn't having it and continued to purge whenever this happened. \n\nEventually I was purging everyday sometimes 3 times a day after every meal. This went on from January to July. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was doing it everywhere; at home, in the shower, at my family's house, at my in laws house, at the shopping centre. I could literally feel the effects taking strain on my body. I constantly had ulcers in my mouth, my throat was sore. I had lumps inside my throat that wern't there before. My stomach had stretched so much that I would never feel full, then I would throw everything up till it felt empty. My blood pressure was really low (90/65) and I was having tooth aches.  On top of this we are trying to have a baby. I was terrified that what I was doing was going to ruin our chances of having another child. \nAnd yet I couldn't stop. I was obsessed. I would throw up, jump on the scales and if I wasn't happy with the number I would go throw up some more.  \n\nThis all came to a peak last week. I had an appointment at a fertility clinic. She asked me about my weight, I told her I lost 40kg on keto and now weighed 82kg. She praised me and couldnt believe it. She said it would be a really good idea it I went back on keto to help with our fertility journey. But I didn't say anything about purging.\n\nAfter this we went on a camping trip with our church and I continued to sneak off to the toilet to throw up. I was so over it. I needed to stop. I promised myself that on Monday at would start keto and stop purging. Sunday came and we were leaving camp and I was really sick with the flu. I was still eating whatever but when I went to purge I just couldn't do it. My throat was so swollen and sore I just sat and cried next to the toilet. That ended up being day 1. The first day in months I hadn't thrown up.  \n\nBut I didn't trust myself.  I knew that if I kept this too myself, even if I was doing keto I would probably still purge anyway. On Sunday night I told my husband and he was shocked. Like he literally had no idea, but he said it made so much sense. Because I was constantly weighing myself and stayed the same weight while he out on like 10kg. \n\nAnyway I'm nearly at the end. Telling him was my way of keeping myself accountable. He said he wants the toilet door open always, I agreed. On Monday we both started keto together and I have not purged once. I have had urges. I have had mini vomits come into my mouth. But I havent wavered. I think I'm going to be ok. I'm still weighing myself but mentally I'm strong and keto is working and I've lost 1kg already. It's been 1 week without purging. \nI'm just hoping that this hasn't ruined my body or our chances of a second child. I feel stupid. I feel ashamed. But I know I'm not alone. And if anyone else is in recovery too, we can do this. \n\nTLDR:\nStarted keto. Used purging to keep my weight the same when I broke keto. Eventually stopped keto and was purging everyday up to 3 times for about 6 months. Started having bad side effects and told husband. Currently in recovery on day 7 without purging.\n\nPS. I'm not really expecting anyone to comment on this, but I think I just needed to write this out. For me.", "answer": "I hope you find a road to recovery with as few boulders as possible \ud83e\udd17", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "cii37d", "comment_id": "ev85bp0"}, {"question": "When did you know it was time to terminate therapy?", "description": "I've never been in this situation before. I've been struggling for the past 10 years or so and am finally in a good, stable place. My therapy sessions have become \"check-ins\" Last night we talked about termination as a possibility. It feels like it might be time, but I'm pretty nervous about it. I feel like as soon as I declare \"I no longer need therapy!\" *that's* when a huge depression or crisis hits. \n\nAnyone ever terminate before? How did you know it was time? What worked well for you going forward?", "answer": "I think once it gets to a point where you aren't really looking forward to appointments or the sessions seem to drag because there isn't much to talk about, it's time to stop or take a break.  \n\nRemember, if the same old stuff pops back up or even new stuff where you decide you need therapy again, you can always go back.  This time, you know someone and may be able to return to them so it's not like it's starting fresh.  \n\nI equate it to finding a good tattoo artist.  It's not like you're getting a haircut and you always need a haircut so you go to the same person every few weeks or so but it's similar.  You find a tattoo artist who did good work for you, you're happy with it.  The next time you want another one you can hopefully go back to the same person as needed.  \n\nI've had people come to me for therapy in complete distress, work with me for 8 months, terminate because things were going great.  Then I'd see them again a year later, usually for shorter term to sort out some things.  \n\nFeel like I'm rambling a bit now but hope this helps.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zo0q4", "comment_id": "duprni9"}, {"question": "Sudden mood drop", "description": "Hi, so this morning I woke up and I was feeling a little sad for what I think was no reason (since nothing had happened for me to feel that way). After an hour or so, I started feeling better and went on with my day as normal. I went to school, did what I had to do, laughed and smiled- Even had a class where we all legitimately got curled up in a corner and fell asleep for a full hour (We're a small class, all very united- Like family. And yes, high school, just to point out.). Anyway, after school... I got home, and suddenly I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt lonely. I felt unwilling. Out of nowhere! I am still currently feeling this way- And I still don't know why. Could this be a problem? Bipolar disorder? Depression? Anything related or unrelated? Thank you, for any help.", "answer": "Not going to offer any diagnoses, but from the brief snippet of your day today, I am feel confident that you are not manifesting the traditional symptoms of bipolar disorder.  We all have random and sometimes indescribable changes in our moods.  Sometimes they last for an hour or two, possibly all day.  We can definitely wake up in the morning in a funk, but as the day goes on, things start to get better and our moods lighten.  This does not mean we are suffering from a mental illness, it means we are human.  \n\nPeople who suffer from bipolar disorder experience episodes of depression and mania (at least for bipolar 1).  These states exist on polar opposite ends of the spectrum from each other, hence the name bipolar.  In such a small, close, family-like class, I suspect someone would quickly become aware if you began to manifest these symptoms.  \n\nAlso, feeling uncomfortable emotions doesn't mean that we are sick or there's a problem.  High school isn't exactly the best place to be, IMHO, so I would reflect on which feelings may be accurate and normal versus those that are wayyyy out of your character.  If, one day, you come home to find your sister drank your last soda and you threw her tv out the window, that's something you probably want to mention.  Try writing your feelings out in a journal, then ripping it up and throwing them away if you don't want them around.  That can be a very therapeutic activity.  Typing or writing, just get it out.  The actual act of talking and knowing someone is hearing your words is also therapeutic, even if the person listening doesn't say much.  Give yourself a hug and, as hard as this may sound, try not to be hard on yourself if you're feeling down.  Get some good sleep, eat a healthy meal, and take some personal time out for yourself, if you can.\n\nI hope you feel better.  :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a5o0uz", "comment_id": "eboj8dm"}, {"question": "What form of therapy do I need or should I be considering? Also, is a list of topics I\u2019d like to eventually address an odd thing to give to a potential counselor?", "description": "I\u2019ve really been leaning towards DBT, but I\u2019m not sure yet and am seeking advice. \n\nI have many current personal issues and habits I\u2019d like to improve within myself. I have recent traumas that need addressed. I also have prior traumas and instances that date back to early childhood. I feel like many of my current issues and insecurities stem from my past. I\u2019m also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a lot of which I\u2019ve worked through and learned, such as boundaries and the like. I am still learning as I go which is obviously why I\u2019m seeking therapy and help. \n\nI am also going to try to be as transparent as I can with my therapist. I have a history of not doing so in the past because of shutting down. I really want the help and a better understanding of myself. I want to progress and be a better person. \n\nBecause of this, I\u2019ve put together a list of all of the topics and issues I would like to eventually address\u2014both current and prior. My anxiety makes it difficult to think clearly because my thoughts are rapid and come and go quickly. A lot of what was in the list was difficult to admit, and I\u2019ve never said some of the things I wrote down out loud. Putting it on paper is also easier for me to not forget things and to not freeze up or shut down in the moment. \n\nI know therapy is a very long and ongoing process and takes time. I know my problems won\u2019t be sorted out in a few sessions and it will take months. \n\nI spoke to a potential new therapist today over a video call. He expressed that he didn\u2019t typically do an initial consultation but agreed to for me because I told him I was shopping around in my email, and that I was trying to find the best fit for me. When I brought up my list to him, my reasonings for it, and expressed with him there was a lot to eventually address and unpack, he seemed almost hesitant to agree to it it, which I thought was strange and a little off-putting. He said, \u201cUhhh, yeah. I suppose you could send me a list but we can always talk about it in the next session.\u201d It made me feel like sending him my list was a weird thing to do and I\u2019m self-conscious about it now. \n\nAny insight is appreciated.", "answer": "It wouldn't bother me if a patient brought in a list of topics to cover.  I think it would be helpful and give me an idea of how the patient conceptualizes their problems. This is also great for trauma survivors who may feel very unsafe discussing some topics. \n\nWith a full fidelity DBT program, there is not as much room for bringing in your own topics,  so this may be where the disconnect was. \n\nOf course,  lots of therapists use DBT skills outside a full fidelity program.  The modality used may influence how much of your list is used.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g8uo7m", "comment_id": "foptg1c"}, {"question": "My wife's birthday is coming up in a month and I want to treat her, but I'm an idiot. What kinds of things would be nice to help her have a day of relaxation?", "description": "tl;dr: What kinds of places can I call to pamper my wife on her birthday?\n\nMy wife and I have always struggled with money, but I recently got a job that gives us a little wiggle room financially, and I want to give her a really nice day of r&r. I have a masseuse in mind around my area, but past that I can't think of anything. Certainly not trying to be sexist when I ask this, but what else might a woman enjoy? Like I said, I'm an idiot and haven't ever really done stuff like this before so I don't know what else might be good.\n\nI guess I should also say I have no idea how much these things cost, and we don't have unlimited money, but I'm hoping somewhere around $250 will get her a really great day. Is that realistic?", "answer": "A day spa is something many people like. Massage, facial, the works...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "71yaj9", "comment_id": "dneape7"}, {"question": "How does outpatient even work?", "description": "I have bipolar, anxiety, and a smattering of other illnesses, but bipolar and anxiety are the ones I have the most trouble with. I think outpatient would be beneficial to getting me back on the right track (plus group therapy is a good idea because right now I just stay inside by myself all day) but I have no idea how to even go about becoming a part of a program. I have insurance, live in Missouri, and need help. Any advice/educational posts are appreciated.", "answer": "First look into your insurance. Call the number on the back of your card, or go online to see what your insurance covers. Find a place you like the best, and give them a call. Tell them what's going on, and that you'd like to start some services. They will schedule an intake with you, where you get to meet a therapist and figure out what's going on, and what kind of help would be best.\n\nIf you don't have insurance, this is what you do.\n\n1. Get insurance.\n2. See above steps.\n\nIf you really don't feel like getting insurance, find some therapeutic services close to you and call them. Ask them if they take out-of-pocket clients, and set up an intake with them.\n\nOutpatient services mean you will go and see a therapist.\nInpatient services mean you will go and stay somewhere for a while and see a therapist.\nIn-home services means a therapist comes to your home and works with you.\nMeds help a lot of people. Look into that if you want.\nGroup is group. You know what group is.\n\nThere are tons of different types of therapy. Finding the ones you like best is key.\n\nGood luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bicuf", "comment_id": "d19yma9"}, {"question": "How to be less outcome dependent?", "description": "Sorry if im posting in the wrong sub just let me know and suggest the appropriate place to post it instead  \n\n\nMy emotions and moods can be hugely volatile in response to interpersonal relationships. Im a uni student and have struggled making and meeting friends in the past and have had issues with social anxiety. I feel i have largely tackled and solved those problems however when it comes to maintaining relations i feel far too dependent on the outcome of each and every interaction i have with people. If a friend does not reply or ignores a message for a while my mood will almost immediately deteriorate. The reverse is also true, if a friend or acquaintance replies and good conversation ensues or whatever, my mood immediately and visibly improves. The thing is i understand that people might not reply because they are busy or dont have time on hand immediately or it even might be that they dont like me and being sad about that doesnt help me one bit, yet regardless of me being aware of these perfectly logical explanations my mood immediately worsens or improves depending on the outcome of the interaction. i fucking hate this volatility of emotion i feel like some helpless toddler.  \n\n\nDo you guys have any advice for me on solving this issue?", "answer": "As per usual, I'll recommend working with a therapist on these issues.  You may find it extremely helpful.  It may even be more helpful to find a therapy group.  Might I suggest looking into a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group.  While I rarely suggest a particular modality for folks, I think the basic skills training in regards to emotional regulation, specifically when it comes to interpersonal relationships might be helpful for you.  \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8ul493", "comment_id": "e1gc2co"}, {"question": "Can counting days backfire?", "description": "I've met a few sober folks who refuse to keep track of how long it's been since they've had a drink.  In my experience, they tend to be people with several years sober, and often people who are very active in recovery, so it's not like they're in denial or anything like that.\n\nSometimes I think people might be better off not counting days.  As we all know, a lot of people reach a nice round number like 30 or 100 and suddenly start thinking they should reward themselves with a drink.  And then there are those people who rack up a lot of time, relapse, and are so overwhelmed by the feeling of needing to start over that they dread getting back on the wagon to start at day one.\n\nAny opinions on this?  I am not trying to offend anyone, or talk anybody out of counting their days -- I'm just wondering if anyone else has considered it.", "answer": "All the people with significant time I know personally know their date and celebrate their anniversary every year, but as far as counting days goes, when I was young in sobriety it was a point of pride for me, however I was clear with myself and had people constantly reminding that those days don't mean shit if I drink and that no amount of time will give me the ability to take a drink. So counting days early on was fairly powerful for me, but I can see what you mean.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1omkw9", "comment_id": "cctk6c8"}, {"question": "What is the fundamental difference between ADHD and clusters of personality traits that result in similar symptoms?", "description": "I\u2019m confused about why ADHD is a neurological disorder instead of just a set of extreme personality traits (notably low conscientiousness and high extroversion) that give rise to behavioral symptoms similar to that of ADHD. I understand the predominant neurological description of ADHD, which is, to oversimplify, that ADHD brains have abnormally low quantities of dopamine in the prefrontal cortex hence reducing executive function and thus impulse control and focus. However, can\u2019t that neurological model also describe someone with aforementioned personality traits? Everything psychological is ultimately physiological, so, theoretically, brains of people who exhibit symptoms of ADHD merely as a result of having a clusters of personality traits on the extreme tails of the distribution would also be neurologically different than what would be considered a normal brain.\n\nI also read a lot of arguments that ADHD isn\u2019t real because \u201ceveryone is distracted sometimes\u201d and \u201ceveryone is impulsive sometimes\u201d\u2014 essentially, that everyone has very mild symptoms of ADHD\u2014 and the usual response is that for people with ADHD, those symptoms are severe enough to significantly negatively impact your life, which is fair. But then it seems like they\u2019re making the argument that ADHD is just a more severe case of lower conscientiousness (and other personality traits that lead to those mild symptoms) and that doctors just diagnose ADHD by seeing wether your regular personality traits of lower conscientiousness pass an arbitrary threshold of severity and then calling that ADHD. As you can see, based on that logic, it seems like the difference between regular personality traits that lead to mild symptoms of ADHD and actual ADHD is just a matter of extent, which compels me to draw the conclusion that ADHD is just a set of personality traits that are extreme enough to be called ADHD\u2014 but that\u2019s not a fundamental difference.\n\nI hope my question isn\u2019t taken as disrespect. I know ADHD is real; I\u2019m really just trying to understand what the fundamental difference is. Thanks in advance!", "answer": "Let\u2019s think about something like borderline personality disorder, which shares some similarities with ADHD in terms of emotion regulation problems, impulsivity, etc. It\u2019s thought to that BPD has biological underpinnings, but most people with this diagnosis have had traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse, as well as invalidating environments where their needs are not being appropriately met (e.g., parents do not listen when child expresses distress or worries in a calm way; child learns he must throw a huge tantrum in order to get parents\u2019 assistance soothing. The pattern is reinforced and the child carries similar patterns of emotional reactivity into adulthood).\n\nThe idea here is that many other disorders involve a greater interplay of nature and nurture than does ADHD. Certainly the nurture side of things impact a person with ADHD and their level of symptoms, how they learn to manage their symptoms, etc. But a person with ADHD will have ADHD pretty much regardless of their experiences, while someone with a disorder like BPD develops that problem in large part in response to environment and experience. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aaz32t", "comment_id": "ecw5zoh"}, {"question": "I might be becoming delusional, or something more, I don't know.", "description": "I've had depression and anxiety since age 11 and I'm 19 now. I've always had mild delusional thoughts, the opposite of grandeur. I've been told that these thoughts are delusional by people on Reddit in the past. Thoughts such as \"everyone hates me and I don't deserve to live\" plague my mind almost constantly.\n\nBut a different kind of delusion has been bothering me for a while now. I've had intrusive thoughts of people being able to see through my curtains (they're thick black curtains), and there's always someone watching me. It's ridiculous when I think about it but I can't help but believe it when the delusions happen.\n\nNot just that. Delusions aren't half of the story. My sense of time is skewed and I often find myself wondering how a month has passed when it only feels like a day. What have I been doing, have I been blacked out for the entire month? I know time goes by quickly but at this level it's just ridiculous.\n\nJust in the past few months since December I've been becoming increasingly withdrawn, even more withdrawn than I have been my entire life before. I can't speak to someone without my voice cracking. When I walk I feel very unsteady. I can't be out in public without looking like I broke out of asylum because I can't stop laughing and smiling when I'm walking on the street alone, having intrusive thoughts about strangers that seem funny to me at the time.\n\nFuck, what's happening to me? Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this because I feel like I'm going insane. Even though I'm depressed and demotivated I still feel the need to fulfill a lifelong ambition that seems more difficult to attain the further I fall into mental illness. I need help but I'm already seeing a psychiatrist and things are only getting worse.", "answer": "Please discuss this with a psychiatrist (medical doctor, not just a psychologist or other talk therapist).  Depressions can include psychotic symptoms such as you are describing, and psychiatric medications can be of assistance apart from and in addition to psychotherapy.   The losing time you describe (dissociation) is not typical of depression or psychosis per se and may indicate some other complexity about your case.  Are you drinking alcohol?  That can produce dissociation, and it is also common when there is a history of trauma or abuse.  Please seek some professional help.  \n\nEdit - discuss all these symptoms with your psychiatrist if you haven't.  The whole picture is necessary in order to get the medications right.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4nnm7e", "comment_id": "d45g539"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Blurred Vision", "description": "A few months ago, a psychiatrist put me on Lamotrigine for General Anxiety Disorder. I started out on 25mg per day.\n\nWithin days, I noticed my blood pressure had gone down. My anxious thoughts felt more rational. I was pretty thrilled with the results.\n\nThe dosage increased to 50mg, and then 75mg. To be honest, I noticed no difference in feeling better at all. However, I did feel like my vision was a little blurred.\n\nI\u2019ve been on 75mg per day for maybe five weeks now. Particularly for a week now, my vision just won\u2019t seem to focus. My eyes are sore, often upon waking up in the morning. Things just look blurry in general. I had an eye exam not that long ago (maybe six months). Things were looking good, my glasses prescription was the same it\u2019s been for a decade.\n\nI am uninsured and have no direct access to a doctor. So any feedback would be super appreciated:\n\n1. Does it sound like my vision issue is caused by Lamotrigine?\n\n2. If so, is that permanent damage? Or would my vision likely return to normal if I stopped taking Lamotrigine?\n\n3. Is it even possible that 25mg would have helped within days? Or was that a placebo effect? After researching it a good bit, 25mg sounds like an incredibly small dosage.\n\nThanks so much for your time. Here\u2019s to hoping my vision isn\u2019t ruined.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. This has been noticeable since increasing Lamotrigine, and is effecting my eyesight. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "Blurry vision is one of the relatively common side effects from lamotrigine, and if it\u2019s stuck around for months it probably won\u2019t go away with more waiting. I\u2019ve never seen permanent side effects from lamotrigine but I don\u2019t know how or why it causes this particular effect.\n\nAn immediate response to 25 mg sounds unlikely, so it could be placebo effect, but it also could be a \u201creal\u201d pharmacological effect. That\u2019s one of the unknowables of medicine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m636k", "comment_id": "e7ca16r"}, {"question": "Finally getting better and I'm proud of myself", "description": "I woke up one day about a week ago and just stopped picking for the most part. I've had scabs on my back and arms for literally years and it just feels so good knowing they're almost all healed. Its hard, but it gets better. This sub has helped me tremendously ", "answer": "That's so incredible! I'm really proud of you! Amazing job being aware of the issue and working to take better care of yourself. Such an important life skill! Many hugs to you!", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "97jb6d", "comment_id": "e4dqglq"}, {"question": "Help: I can't stand people talking.", "description": "I'm\u00a0actually a bit worried about this.\n\nSometimes it\u00a0irritates me so much just the sound of people talking. I just want to scream: \"Shut up!\" even when they're trying to have a conversation with me. Don't get me wrong, I can listen to music all day long and I enjoy it, I can stand the sound of cars passing by, I can even stand dogs barking, the sounds of birds, of the rain, I love sound, but when people talk, not all the time, but many, it irritates me so much, it's like if my ears were itchy, I want to cover them, I want to run away. It's honestly so desperating. People talking, chewing, breathing, it's\u00a0something that my brain doesn't take very well.\u00a0\nYesterday I was having dinner\u00a0with my parents and we were having a\u00a0conversation and all of sudden I jumped off the chair and walked a little bit away with a disgusted face because of the noises they were making. They started to ask me: \"What happened?\", they were very worried and I didn't know what to say, I obviously knew what happened but I didn't want them to feel bad. My dad said: \"I think she tripped with the stairs\" and that was like the perfect excuse, I agreed with that.\nI'm really worried because it's not that I hate people or anything, I want to hear them, yesterday we were having a decent conversation but this came over to ruin it. I really do want to listen to people but just describing my feelings seems like I hate people and that's not it. Basically right now I feel better being alone because of this, but I don't want to be alone.\nThis is the weirdest thing.", "answer": "I would suggest seeking a therapist. You are aware of your problem and the issues it causes in your life, and a therapist can help you sort through that. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "636o9y", "comment_id": "dfrq9dw"}, {"question": "Can you become friends with your therapist after you stop seeing them?", "description": "I've been seeing a mental health counselor in training (she's in grad school) for the past year nearly weekly. It's low-cost and supervised. We are pretty much the same age and if we weren't in this sort of relationship, then I feel like we could actually be good friends (I actually found out that we have a couple random mutual friends). We chat and joke before our sessions, and a bit afterwards as well.\n\nShe recently had to 'break-up' with me as it is the new school year and she was changing her rotation. I've had a lot of growth with her in dealing with my depression and grief and trying to get out of the rut that I'm in.\n\nClearly it is an odd and one-sided way to start a friendship, but I wasn't sure if it was even possible. It's not likely for many reasons (this post is pretty presumptuous on my part), but does anyone have any insight? Is there a code of ethics that prevents this forever?", "answer": "Probably not. Definitely not right away; I have some therapist friends who do have a friendship with their long-ago therapist but we\u2019re talking 20 years later. \n\nIt\u2019s totally normal to feel this way it speaks to the bond you created with her which is what therapy is all about imho. \n\nHopefully when she terminated with you there was some discussion about these feelings; termination can be one of the most powerful and therapeutic parts of the relationship. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "71w4h7", "comment_id": "dndy9y7"}, {"question": "Does my grandmother have bipolar disorder?", "description": "Since childhood my mom, father and sisters had experienced a difficult and conflictive grandmother. A cardiologist (even though he\u2019s not a psychiatrist) told me she had a bipolar disorder, and today I\u2019m guessing it makes clear sense. All the pieces fit perfectly for her as a bipolar person.\n\nSymptoms:\n\nObsessive tendencies with a specific topic: religion.\nTreats everybody badly with certain aggressive tendency and lack of consciousness and awareness of the others feelings.\nImpulsive behavior.\nManipulative behavior \nEmotional intrusive and abusive.\nMakes people suffer badly, not mattering about their feelings or thoughts.\nHas anger, anxiety, depression, crying intense episodes.\nHas a ideology, that she was sent by God to save the world, having a false sense of superiority, not being even coherent to the religion she\u2019s on. Also, she says she views Jesus and talks to him, which nobody believes cause she isn\u2019t a saint nor how I said, coherent on what her religion says. \nThe most suspicious attitude imo, is that if since she is an adult, anything that isn\u2019t done as she wants, she starts her anger episodes trying to offend people by hurting their deepest feelings.\n\nI know this isn\u2019t the way to seek help or opinions, but I\u2019m 17, and I\u2019m being tired of her attitude. Being aware that she\u2019s sick will help to tolerate her and understand a lot of wounds in our family.", "answer": "There's not enough information there for an accurate diagnosis of any kind (plus this is the Internet obviously). If you are noticing these patterns of behavior, perhaps bringing it up with your family/her and seeing if she could reach out for some help/actual assessment for a diagnosis if it's impacting the family negatively?\n\nBipolar Disorder is often misdiagnosed, and has a WIDE range of representations due to the nature of it. I'm also not entirely sure I would personally call someone going through Bipolar Disorder as \"sick\" except in the most extreme circumstances (as in, acute suicidal ideation or intense psychosis).\n\nYou are looking for an explanation as a means of being able to explain her behavior towards the family. In my experience, it doesn't make the sting of what someone does or say any less hurtful knowing that they are diagnosed with something in the long run. Targeting the specific behaviors and words she uses and explaining how those things affect you may be helpful.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cf908k", "comment_id": "eu870ff"}, {"question": "Im going to the hospital tomorrow to hopefully get treatment for my suicidal thoughts", "description": "I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I'm just really scared and would love to chat with someone about it or just know what to expect.", "answer": "I work in a facility like this. Expect people who want you to talk to them, be honest and open. They can help you better if you do. It is ok to tell them how bad you feel, it is ok to drop that mask sometimes. \n\nAlso expect them to want you to do what you can for your recovery. You have influence, you have responsibility, and they may expect you to take that responsibility where and when you can.\n\nHope this helps. Do you have any more specific questions?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "av1npw", "comment_id": "ehc189p"}, {"question": "Couple friends got into a huge fight in front of me. I intervened..bad idea? [Wall of Text Warning]", "description": "My friend (more like sister) and I were sitting at her house with her SO, who asked her to go get some things from his house. He tosses her his keys and I bring up that I'm hungry. We briefly discuss what fast food places are open and we leave. We stop at [insert crappy fast food place here], go to the SOs house, and come back.  \n\nSO sees that we went to get food and loses. his. shit. He starts yelling at her asking why she didn't ask him first if she could go any place besides his house, telling her he's tired of her \"acting so fucking entitled\". She says she thought he heard us talking about getting food, he replies that he's \"sorry [he] didn't eavesdrop on your conversation\". A string of obscenities are thrown at her, he repeatedly calls her stupid and an idiot, all the while she's saying she's sorry and she just won't use his car anymore since it's a big deal. He continues to instigate and exacerbate the argument by asking seemingly rhetorical question and demanding a response, even though the answer to the question is basically her admitting to being an idiot (the whole time I'm sitting next to my friend quietly [awkwardly] eating my food that seemed to be the source of the problem). F-bombs are dropped, names are called, and finally I text him and tell him to chill out and drop it. He reads the text, looks at me and says  \n\n\"WTF are you talking about?! Mind your fucking business!\" to which I reply \"You made it my business when you decided to argue with your GF right in front of me! Chill the fuck out and leave her alone! She apologized and still you're screaming and yelling at her like she's a child! Either drop it, or go the fuck home!\"  \n\nAt this point, he and I are staring each other down and my friend is trying to get us to stop yelling at each other. I tell him he's being childish, he implies that I am the childish one, and I pack my shit and leave.  \n\nThis is the first time I've ever said anything during one of their fights. I don't feel bad because I stood up for my friend when her SO was treating her like she was less than shit. But I wonder how I could have handled it better, or if I should have even intervened in the first place..  \n\nEdit: I'm older than both of them. I'm 23 (in June). She's 22 and he's 20.  \n\nEdit 2: I am a female.", "answer": "Why did you text him when you were apparently in the same room?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "rp5ct", "comment_id": "c47io64"}, {"question": "Possible ptsd?", "description": "I know the best person to ask this is a professional, but I have to ask as from all I've heard in the past is that PTSD is the majority of the time caused by a highly traumatic event, though I have heard about it being caused by ongoing trauma as well but I know less about it. \n\nI recently went through ongoing sexual harassment at work two separate times continuing over about a month each time, this was 5 months ago and it has been in my head to some extent every single day since, with some things triggering more severe reactions, I've been near constantly on edge and haven't been able to go a day without it popping into my head, I've suffered nightmares, anxiety, sweating, shaking, vomiting, heart racing and some days have had flashbacks. As I said I know I need to go to a professional for a proper diagnosis but I wanted to ask others, is it possible that I have PTSD from this?", "answer": "Psychology grad student reporting in.  You're right, the only way you're going to know for sure is if you go to a professional.  \n\nKeep in mind that the following comments from me are not a diagnosis.\n\nAccording to DSM5, PTSD can be caused by a single exposure to a traumatic event, or it can develop from repeated exposure to traumatic circumstances.  I don't know the details of your sexual harassment, but I can say that if it was traumatic enough to cause this reaction there is a **possibility** that you have a trauma disorder.  These events are clearly causing you distress, which is enough for me to recommend you see a professional.  I'd also recommend that you try to find someone who specializes in PTSD or trauma-related disorders.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2axqk4", "comment_id": "cizzb9h"}, {"question": "Acid Reflux and Anxiety", "description": "I really haven\u2019t seen too much online about this issue, but I tend to get awful acid reflux when i\u2019m anxious. And I only make it worse because i have a fear of throwing up so the cycle just worsens when I get more anxious about being nauseous. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you manage it? or just even nausea in general from anxiety?", "answer": "I have all the same symptoms as you - anxiety, acid reflux/nausea, phobia of throwing up. I manage it by coping with the anxiety (like walking around, taking a bath, positive self-talk) and nibbling on crystallized ginger.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ec2gy1", "comment_id": "fdcgpnh"}, {"question": "I (25F) have been getting seizures since the age of 7 and still don't have a diagnosis or any treatment options!", "description": "**Age**: 25\n\n**Sex**: female\n\n**Height**: 5'1''\n\n**Weight**: 100lbs lost 15 pounds after most recent seizure spell)\n\n**Race**: white\n\n**Primary complaint**: Seizures. I have had around 15 to 20 in my life.\n\nI get seizures about once or twice a year that look exactly like a grand-mal seizure. About 5 seconds before I have a seizure, I get the same feeling/sensations. My sense of time becomes odd and slow (very hard to explain), I feel floaty and loose my hearing/vision. I am usually able to say something like \"i'm going to pass out\" or \"help.\" I then black out and have no memory of the events after. I am told that I then drop to the ground, my body stiffens up and I shake. My eyes roll in the back of my head, mouth opens and closes and face contorts. My seizures last anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds. As I am coming to, I feel an oddly intense feeling of calm and as if I'm waking from a odd distorted yet serene dream. I open my eyes and am able to follow what people are saying to me. I often vomit when I wake up and feel cold, nauseous and have a headache. I feel disoriented, am very emotional (moving from sad, to fearful to happy), feel floaty and am exhausted for about a day or two following. \n\nI've had seizures seated, standing, walking, eating, watching TV, laying down, in the mall, a vet's office...you get my point, in every and all situation. \n\n**Duration of complaint**: 18 years\n\nI had my first seizure at the age of 7 in a doctor's office. My teacher asked me to get a hearing test done because I was not paying attention in class. This was out of character for me because I was always a very shy and studious student. \n\nSince then, I get a seizure of two a year. I went four years without a seizure up until Fall of 2019 and then had two seizures within a month of each other. I went to the ER both times as I was the most disoriented I had ever been and those witnessing event were incredibly concerned for me. I was not aware enough to refuse/request medical attention. \n\nSince Fall 2019, my health has declined. I am constantly exhausted, as I wake up with a headache and sleep very poorly. I frequently feel as if I'm about to have a seizure throughout the day. I'm unable to drive or bike, which has resulted in me loosing my job.\n\n**Existing medical issues:** PTSD (from childhood abuse/trauma), asthma (I've grown out of it though), mother was on anti-psychotics when she was pregnant with me and doctors were concerned about outcome, chronic headaches, poor sleep\n\n**Current medication:** Fluoxetine (30mg) for PTSD symptoms \n\nMy seizures have never been diagnosed because of a neglectful family situation/brainwashing from parental figures to believe that my seizures were on purpose and \"for attention.\" I did have tests at age 7 when hospitalised after my first seizure and my EEG, MRI and blood tests all came back normal. My family refused to follow up on any tests. I had those tests done again this last fall, plus a sleep deprived EEG and Halter Monitor. All normal. I'm honestly at my wits end. My PCP, Neurologist, Cardiologist (ruled out POTS or any heart issues) and Psychiatrist have been unable to diagnose or treat me. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Should I get second opinions? Is there something I'm missing? Any and all information is much appreciated. I'm really at my wits end here.", "answer": "There are two possibilities: these are epileptic seizures, and even if infrequent should be treated with antiepileptics/anticonvulsants/anti-seizure medication, or they are non-epileptic seizures and such medication would not help. The only way to distinguish is by capturing one, but very infrequent seizures can be challenging because it's hard to capture them with EEG or, even better, video EEG. You don't mention being on or previously taking antiepileptic medications. Have you gotten an explanation for why no trial to see if it can help?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g5g489", "comment_id": "fo3dbtl"}, {"question": "Howcome me [27/m] am unable to be sensitive, serious and emotional with my [24/f] GF until I am fighting to save my relationship?", "description": "I am wondering if anyone has any advice on howcome I have troubles saying to my girlfriend that she is beautiful and being affectionate and emotional, and I find I joke around more than I am serious. But when I am in a fight to save our relationship I have no issues. We just broke up today and I told how head over heals I was for her how incredible of a human being she is and I was pouring my heart into her. But if things were to be normal again. I would typically revert back to being funny and not so serious and less emotional. I hate that I do it but I for some reason just dont say those things when things are good. If I were to have said those things when things were good, I bet I would not have been in this situation.", "answer": "I like to think of emotional expressiveness as a skill set, not unlike any other kind of skill. In other words if you were a guitar player, and undisciplined, You might play your guitar a lot but you really would just be fooling around with it in a casual sort of way. But maybe some sort of performance opportunity might come along, and you would buckle down in a  disciplined way to prepare for it. It's the same thing. You make an intellectual decision to do something, be it practicing your guitar seriously or telling your girlfriend how much you love her, then you practice doing it in a disciplined kind of way.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5sielx", "comment_id": "ddfaige"}, {"question": "I [f/24] feel like I'm being forced to choose between him [m/34] and my career...why isn't this a no-brainer for me?!", "description": "  My boyfriend and I have been together for five years this April. We have a pretty good relationship; it's become somewhat stagnant over the last year or two, but overall we get along really well, the sex is great, and we enjoy being together.\n\n  We both work for a large corporation, which is how we met, and throughout our five years we've both been successful with advancing in the company. I currently hold a senior management position, as does he, but he's one level higher than I am. \n\n  He supports me having the career of my choice, but has always been somewhat against me seeking advancement with our current company. He feels that because it is extremely stressful, and takes up a lot of our personal time, that it would be nearly impossible to start a family with both of us working for the same demanding company. He's been with the company for 15 years and I've been with the company for 7 years, so in his opinion, I should be the one to look for something different because I have less time invested overall.  \n\n  As soon as I started to seek out advancement opportunities, I've been moving up the ranks quickly, and I feel like the sky is the limit! I feel I make an extremely comfortable living for my age, and it will only continue to get better with every promotion. I've been chosen by numerous corporate sponsers for mentoring, and just last month I was picked out of a group of 400 women to represent our market in a women's leadership conference. Long story short - I love my job and I'm good at it.\n\nHalf of me feels incredibly guilty and selfish for even thinking about placing my career before someone that I've given five years of my life to, and who I plan on spending my life with.  The other half is reminding me that I'm lucky to have a job that not only pays extremely well, but that I love.\n\nI feel really confused. I feel like it should be an easy decision for me to walk away from my job for the man that I love, but it really isn't - like, not at all. \n\nHe's becoming more and more distant and frustrated because I'm investing an increasing amount of my time to work. I feel like this is all going to come to a head sooner than later, and I would love to hear any advice or similar stories/situations, and what you did to figure it all out.\n\ntl;dr - Boyfriend feels that I place work before him and our future.\n\n(Edit) Thanks for the words of wisdom,  everyone. You've all given me a lot to think about. As of right now (the foreseeable future), I simply can't give up my job. Growing up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, I understand how lucky I am to have the job I do, and I have a responsibility to my family and myself to do the best I can at it.", "answer": "The fact that he is asking you to do this is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE red flag. You are clearly gifted at what you do-- you're only 1 level down from him at your age? He is clearly threatened, which does not speak highly of him.\n\nI can guarantee that if you give this up for him you will ALWAYS wonder \"what if.\" Moreover, you will likely start resenting him for it as well, which will sour your relationship anyway.\n\nYou might want to find a neutral third party to talk this out with-- like a therapist. However, if your bf can't see how ridiculous and unreasonable he is being (he should be DAMNED PROUD of you! That's what real love is) then you need to DTMFA.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "20aj1b", "comment_id": "cg1f1xz"}, {"question": "How do I socialise", "description": "I'm 15 and people in my school seem to demand me getting a girlfriend or killing myself, there's this girl I like, and I will try to inconspicuously talk to her every morning without seeming pervy, my plan is to ask her to the Christmas dance, but I seem to be getting no where, help please?", "answer": "ask her out for lunch first and build up. meetup.com is good for meeting people. don't be pressured into anything. be you. you'll meet someone when you're ready.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70dfr9", "comment_id": "dn2eqd0"}, {"question": "Waking up sober feeling incredibly drunk.", "description": "So, I suffer from morbid, vivid and downright scary nightmares. I have been sober now for 32 days and realize that when I drank, that helped suppress the terrible nightmares. \n\nFor the last 30 days I have been trapped in sleep, escaping demons, ghost, war, and numerous other near-death experiences that I have been unable to wake myself up. \n\nI slept over 18 hours last night/day and had the worse never-ending nightmare so far. I feel so weak and dizzy and drunk. \n\nDid anyone else have terrible nightmares after they quit drinking? ", "answer": "Have you seen a specialist in regard to these dreams? Do you have the capability to? That'd be where I would start.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1mngax", "comment_id": "ccaz2go"}, {"question": "SSRIs, mal de d\u00e9barquement, and more; 19, M, 165 lbs, White, 4 month duration, brain", "description": "Hi all neuros and reddit users out there, I have a question about SSRIs. I have a pretty interesting story so hope somebody out there knows what's going on. I started taking Zoloft 25mg in July or August 2016 for OCD and social and test-taking anxiety, then transitioned to fluvoxamine 100 mg over the course of a few months. Took fluvoxamine 100 mg up until July or August 2017 (so over a year), then cut it out pretty much cold turkey I believe. I felt fine at the time, pretty much had no terrifying side effects and was off SSRIs until January 2018. January 2018 I had a terrifying panic attack on an airplane, fell into an existential depression, developed cardio-phobia, and started having random feelings of doom and helplessness. Hopped back onto 100 mg fluvoxamine. Then came Feb. / March 2018 and all of a sudden I started feeling wobbly, like I was on a boat, airplane, or trampoline. Even writing at this moment in time, I feel like I'm at sea and there's a lot of waves hitting me. It's a super scary feeling because I am literally sitting in my chair as I write this, my own mind is playing tricks on me. It's like I don't have control of my own body. As you can imagine, this scares the crap out of me from March - present. Did the SSRIs cause this? I've read various people's posts on the Internet and there seems to be this kind of trend with lots of individuals. Lots of helpless people, lots of similar scenarios. Some took SSRIs and got it after starting or stopping, some didn't and just got it randomly. Seems to me like SSRIs kind of screwed up my life. Is there any going back to the normal non-dizzy feeling? It's not genetic since nobody in my family has this. I've hopped back onto 25 mg Zoloft last month and it's eliminated the panic attacks and made me happier luckily, but it's scary knowing I'm stuck with this for now. What is happening to me neurologically? Even my doctor tells me nothing is wrong with me, but clearly there is something objectively wrong with me if I feel so wobbly even in my most relaxed states of my day and when I'm happy. It seems like there aren't any studies that prove that SSRIs fuck with your brain. I even read a study that SSRIs HELP with \"subjective dizziness\" ([https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaotolaryngology/fullarticle/649401](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaotolaryngology/fullarticle/649401))\n\nI don't know what to do. I'm in a kind of checkmate currently. I feel a tightness in the left side of my brain, and I think it's a side effect of the SSRI. I also don't feel this dizziness when driving and when I move my head back and forth or twist my chair side to side. I believe this illness is called \"mal de debarquement.\" I should also mention that I smoked weed once this quarter got a panic attack, and took hydroxyzine 25 mg once (for panic attacks) and even got a panic attack on it. Honestly it seems like I didn't have the dizziness before I took that hydroxyzine pill, and then that one panic attack experience and vertigo induced by hydroxyzine has put me into this state. I have taken multi-vitamins, I drink a lot of water, etc. What is happening to me physiologically?", "answer": ">Some took SSRIs and got it after starting or stopping, some didn't and just got it randomly. Seems to me like SSRIs kind of screwed up my life. \n\nI'll admit to bias as a prescriber of SSRIs, but you've described my problem with the stories of the horrors of SSRIs: the horrors seem to be present in inconsistent patterns, which suggests that the SSRIs, whether stopped or started, have little or nothing to do with the symptoms. The fact that your symptoms similarly came on suddenly six months after you had last taken an SSRI suggests that the SSRI did not cause your panic attacks or depression. Fluvoxamine could have caused the dizziness, but I'm more inclined to think of it as an escalation of somatic symptoms of anxiety.\n\nSimilarly, you describe smoking marijuana, having panic, taking hydroxyzine, having continuing symptoms, and blaming the hydroxyzine. It's possible, but the simpler explanation is that it was due to marijuana and the hydroxyzine didn't fix the problem.\n\nI don't know what's wrong with you, but it sounds like you are pinning the blame on medications that post-date the onset of symptoms, which is an implausible explanation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8twlpo", "comment_id": "e1axy94"}, {"question": "Health Exam for Life Insurance - BMI Question", "description": "Hello this is my first post so bare with me. I am also not sure what subreddit to post this on because it is an odd question about hospital scale accuracy vs. home scales.\n\n\nI am 21 years old, 5 foot 11 inches and started my journey at 239 pounds. Over the last 2 months I have dropped 20 pounds and now weigh 219. According to my research, I need a BMI of 30 (215 pounds) or under to be considered not obese and receive a health insurance premium of half what I was quoted for having an obese BMI.\n\nMy question is this: how much more should I lose to guarantee under 30 BMI? My scale at home says I weigh 219, but I am very concerned that I am going to be in at my exam and have the scale report a higher weight. If this happens, my weight loss and effort would be for nothing. \n\nThe home scale I am using is a digital glass scale that I always weigh myself on in the mornings on hard tile floor. \n\nMy appointment is this Thursday at 7AM.", "answer": "I work in life insurance.  Are you applying to just one company?  Different companies have different weight standards.  If you go through a good agent, they should be able to tell you which companies are more lenient with that kind of thing.  ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7c8wmu", "comment_id": "dpwiqg8"}, {"question": "I'm really nervous to go private", "description": "I told myself that as soon as i get my pay I'm going to book my private session right away (it's \u00a3300 for an adhd assesment), but I'm hesitating like heck.\n\nI'm really scared that this will end up being a waste of time and I'd spend the money to get nowhere. I'm not very good at describing things and I've been heavily doubting my symptoms this whole week, like what if I'm playing it up? Or what if I really am just lazy and stupid and there's nothing wrong with me? \nI really can't tell anymore and it upsets me honestly!\n\nSorry i guess this is more of a vent post, did anyone else have these feelings before going private? And was it worth it to do so despite all the doubt and worries about wasting money????", "answer": "I think my country might be different (it's all private here LOL fml) but I have the same worries. I definitely know I have ADHD cause seriously... it all fits. But $500 is A LOT of money if I don't get any help. I'm going anyway because something needs to change. It's not a case of if my life will fall apart if I continue anymore unfortunately. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ajnop3", "comment_id": "eex9lfl"}, {"question": "the worst part about an anxiety disorder is that you know there is no reason to be anxious", "description": "ADHD, GAD and a major depression is what my doctor diagnosed. And it basically evolved in the same order. \n\nI'm unemployed for almost 2 years now. Not just am I broke but I really want to work, want to earn some money and do something else than just sitting around 24/7.\n\nI have a CS education and worked as a software developer. Obviously there are enough jobs I could apply for with this education. Even becoming a freelancer could be an option.\n\nBut I'm too anxious. I need someone who constantly tells me I'm doing fine or w/e or I feel very uncomfortable because I think I'm doing everything wrong / everyone dislikes me because I'm a lazy douche. \n\nDuring my last job I tried really hard to be *normal*. But I could tell myself all day long I'm doing fine it didn't help. Lost the job basically because of my *weird* behavior.\n\nI mean I know that I can't ask for a job where everyone is nice to me and tells me that I'm doing fine. \n\nI have no idea how to get back into work. I'm actually to anxious to write an application. \n\n\nwell. whatever. thank you for reading. had to let off some steam.", "answer": "The worst part is that it convinces you there is something to be scared of and then BAM, your worried about your throat closing up or your butt opening up. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6bee23", "comment_id": "dhmh59p"}, {"question": "Anyone here in the field with a LPC or similar license?", "description": "I have been in the mental health field for about three years post grad and have my LPC in CT. Looking for advice/would love to hear what you all do who are in the field. I\u2019m feeling a little stuck I have been doing child outpatient therapy for a while now and am wondering where too next. Private, school, hospital, ect, ect.. student loans are a killer and I don\u2019t enjoy working late nights. Help a girl out!!", "answer": "This is not an appropriate place to ask this. Try /r/psychotherapy to talk with other professionals. :)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em9pel", "comment_id": "fdnba4g"}, {"question": "10 Day Progesterone- Still no period?", "description": "So, i should have been diagnosed with PCOS a long time ago but instead of put on BC for almost 10 years which masked all the symptoms. Once i got off to TTC, to my surprise, no period for 7 months (since getting off) and now diagnosed with PCOS. Progesterone has been brutal to my system and am now done my pill and no period in sight! Anyone put on progesterone to induce a period? or have any tips? Im so discourage. I also just started metformin.", "answer": "i had the same thing and it turned out my estrogen was too low.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "43c5t7", "comment_id": "czh88z2"}, {"question": "It's too bad we can't trade places with someone who actually wants to live but is dying...", "description": "People everywhere who are dying of horrible diseases like cancer, who want so badly with every fibre of their being to live just one more day. Personally when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll just be disappointed I didn't die in my sleep. The universe is a fucked up, backwards, paradoxical place, I won't miss it when I go.", "answer": "You can help others in other ways than trading places.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b4f8qs", "comment_id": "ej6lvoo"}, {"question": "Am I in the prodromal phase of schizophrenia?", "description": "17, Male, UK, Diagnosed GAD + OCD, No medications.\n\nNo family history of mental health issues\n\nPD = Psychotic Disorder\n\nDPDR = Depersonalisation/Derealisation \n\nSymptoms:\n\nLoud thoughts: when in a highly anxious state, my thoughts can become very loud and fast paced, almost like internal shouting, and can almost feel like they\u2019re going to burst out of my head and I\u2019m going to start hearing them, or that my head is going to explode. As well as regular thoughts, I tend to also replay conversations that I\u2019ve had in the past, or things that I\u2019ve seen on TV, however these always feel like my thoughts, not that of a separate person, are not audible, and never give me commands or engage me in conversation. > week\n\nVoices in sounds: ever time I hear any type of background noise, my brain instantly assumes I\u2019m hearing things/voices, and so is constantly trying to decipher words/sentences from random noises, which can make it feel like I\u2019m hearing things, despite never being able to hear anything other than the noise. > week\n\nVisual disturbances: at times, normally during a stressful period, I will see little flickers in my vision that disappear within less than a second. It will often be like a small streak of light that moves so fast that I hardly have time to process that it\u2019s happened. > week \n\nDepression: recently my mood has decreased and I\u2019ve spent 99% of my time purely focusing on distracting myself from my own thoughts rather than engaging in anything productive or social interactions. > week \n\nNightmares: I have been experiencing very confusing and disturbing nightmares that will stay in my mind for the rest of the day after they have happened. 1 week\n\n2 years ago I spent a period of roughly 6 months smoking weed on occasion. While high, I had a panic attack, and shortly after stopped doing any drugs. About 4 months later I had a close family member pass away, and began to experience panic attacks and dissociation (DPDR) while sober. The severity of my anxiety and DPDR only increased over the coming years, until I eventually left full time education in February due to my inability to cope with it alongside my mental health issues. Since November 2018 i have had severe health anxiety, and my \u2018theme\u2019 for this changes every 2-3 months. My themes have been: Heart Attack, Stroke, Seizure, and PD\u2019s. My themes will start with a simple worry, and progressively become more and more obsessive, until I get to a point where I am absolutely convinced that the theme is true, and very little can convince me otherwise, even leading to me calling emergency services, as I genuinely believe that there is something seriously wrong with me. For the last 2 months I have been in a theme of worrying about developing a PD, whether that be psychosis, schizophrenia, or bipolar. It started when I was on the phone with a friend and he mentioned about someone he knew that had schizophrenia. Shortly after our call I began searching online about PD\u2019s and ended up having a panic attack out of the fear of developing one. For the following month I was in a non stop cycle of constantly checking every little movement in my vision in a hopes to confirm that I was hallucinating and becoming psychotic. This was causing me so much stress that I was persistently vomiting out of pure fear. During this time I was only aware that people with PD\u2019s hallucinated, and so was only looking out for hallucinations rather than worrying about any other symptoms of a PD. After about a month of this cycle I was finally able to calm myself down and not worry about developing a PD. During this period I also experienced none of the so called \u201csymptoms\u201d that I was experiencing during my month of worrying. However, after only a week of not worrying about PD\u2019s, the fears returned and it caused some of the absolute worst anxiety and stress that I have ever experienced in my life. For about 3 days I spent every waking moment in a highly overwhelmed anxious state, as I was certain that I was developing a PD. After the first 3 days, I began to experience the racing/shouting thoughts. It was like all my thoughts were being yelled at me in my head, and even when I did calm down it still felt like my head was completely crowded with a million thoughts all racing around at once. I tried to just shake it off but after only 2 days of these shouting thoughts I was certain that I had a PD. I got a same day doctors appointment with my GP and I told him what was going on and my fear of becoming psychotic. He told me that from the information I had given him, i didn\u2019t show signs of being psychotic, and that the racing thoughts were most likely just a product of my extremely anxious state of mind. When I returned home from the doctors, I tried my best to calm down, and surprisingly the shouting/racing thoughts actually subsided for the most part, as long as I was keeping my mind calm and distracted. However, that afternoon I began to experience the visual disturbances, and although I have experienced these before when in an extremely anxious state, they were still extremely concerning for me and put me back into an anxious state. I am currently able to manage the loud/racing thoughts by keeping myself as calm as possible, however as soon as my anxiety begins to build, they instantly return. At this point in time I am absolutely certain that I am in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia and the thought of having a PD is without a doubt the most harrowing and terrifying reality that I have ever experienced in my life. I am in desperate need of the opinion from a qualified psychiatrist as i won\u2019t be able to see one any time soon.", "answer": "The only way to know with certainty is to either become psychotic or not become psychotic over time, and you can say what this was with the clarity of hindsight. However, from what you describe, I agree with your GP. Your experience sounds a lot more like anxiety, and particularly anxiety about becoming psychotic, than a prodrome.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chb31d", "comment_id": "eur3v05"}, {"question": "How bad is drinking a glass of red wine before sleep?", "description": "Hey! I sleep like a baby in linen drapes after a glass of red wine. Not white wine, not beer,... only red wine or port wine.\n\nI was wondering if this is something I could do everyday, or on a regular-ish basis. I\u2019m quite ignorant when it comes to these things, so please forgive me.\n\n\nI\u2019m looking forward to your answers.\n\n", "answer": "The evidence largely shows that drinking immediately before sleep does put you to sleep, but it decreases quality of sleep and sleep efficiency (you're more likely to wake up and lose deep sleep) so the sleep medicine docs will largely recommend against drinks later than dinner.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a7abls", "comment_id": "ec1np4p"}, {"question": "Can I drink a single beer while taking ibuprofen?", "description": "Age- 20\nSex- female\nHeight- 5\u20192\nWeight- 120lbs\nRace- Caucasian\nNo medical issues\nNo medication\n\n\nA new episode of a show I enjoy is coming on tonight and I always like to have a drink while I watch, that being said I\u2019m currently taking ibuprofen for menstrual cramps.\n\nI took two tablets at 5am, another two at 11am, and will most likely take another two around 5pm. I\u2019ll continue taking the ibuprofen for the next few days, probably every 6 hours, due to cramping.\n\nMy show comes on at 6pm so that\u2019s when I would have the one beer; a 12oz cider with a 5.5% ABV.\n\nI\u2019ve googled as much as one person can and have yet to get an answer other than \u2018it depends\u2019 and \u2018in moderation\u2019 which still doesn\u2019t give an exact answer.", "answer": "Yes, it's fine to drink in moderation while taking ibuprofen. One beer is certainly moderate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "awy97x", "comment_id": "ehpywu5"}, {"question": "What do I do?", "description": "A few months after we (21f 23m) got married I found texts from other girls in his phone, some even from before the actual wedding date. I confronted him about it and he promised that he'd stop and I believed him but again, I saw texts coming in from other girls just a few days ago. I don't know what to do or what to say this time. If he wanted to act as though he was single why didn't he just say that he didn't want to get married?", "answer": "exactly. he needs to come clean with you about what he wants from life", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tkq9i", "comment_id": "ddn9zyz"}, {"question": "How do I reveal a secret that I\u2019ve lied about for years?", "description": "I dropped out of university 3 years ago. The reason I believed to be behind this was because I developed tinnitus (ringing in ears) at that time and couldn\u2019t cope, gradually getting depression. However, on reflection there were other issues such as not being challenged by the work, not enjoying some of the work (bad module choices by me), unfairness in marking (individual grades being the average of the group in group work and having tests marked by classmates who often didn\u2019t know the correct answer themselves) and not getting any constructive criticism on assignments (they would literally only say positive things).\n\nI didn\u2019t deal with any of these issues well, particularly the tinnitus but I\u2019ve had help from a therapist to deal with it better. I\u2019m looking into studying again. I\u2019ll be able to make a better choice of university since I actually only enrolled with this university for an unrelated course, decided I wanted to go down a different path and just stayed at the same university when I switched. However, there is one problem I still can\u2019t face up to and I\u2019d like to do so before I\u2019m forced: I haven\u2019t told anyone that I quit. Not for 3 years. I have directly lied whenever the subject has come up.\n\nIt was difficult to begin with, as I felt like a failure and was embarrassed since I\u2019d already switched course once. I don\u2019t like the pressure my family put on me to do things when I\u2019m not ready, and never felt comfortable talking to them about the tinnitus. My family do love me, but deal with problems in destructive ways. I was also settled and comfortable in the city I was in. However, having avoided the situation for so long, I\u2019m now worried about what people will think of me having kept this a secret for so long, and lied to their faces.\n\nI have forgiven myself for the past and now need to move on to stop this problem from holding me back from my ambitions. My goal is to tell my family and friends about this. Since I decided to tell them a year ago, I have struggled so much to actually achieve this task. As great as my therapist was at teaching me to solve the surrounding issues, I have failed to do this. What do I say? When do I do it? Where do I do it? How do I make myself carry this task through?", "answer": "Life is really a series of decisions and paths, one decision leads to many other options and decisions- your first decision was the ringing in your ears, probably compounded by stress and the university setting (stress takes on many forms and physical ailments).  Once you were out of the toxic environment you were able to examine deeper what you really wanted, and those 'wants' change and evolve over time. what you want at 18,25,40 can be completely different things and that ok and normal.  The only way to know what you 'want' is to try out different experiences and 'weed out' what you dont like until you go 'gosh this is totally awesome' and I want to do this or 'ok i can tolerate this and lets see what happens'\n\nThe only person you owe an explainition to is yourself,  you didnt 'quit', you needed a break and where-ever that break takes you is fine.  Life in general is stressful and everyone needs breaks. (thats why employers have benefits, short term disability, FMLA, vacation time etc)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hhcd8b", "comment_id": "fwam97a"}, {"question": "On \"being immune\" to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy", "description": "(X-posted to /r/anxiety)\n\nI don't \"know all the tricks\" (as in \"a therapist seeing another therapist\"); I just find them all easily rationalizable/identifiable as such. When trying to apply some agreed-upon exercise: it's as if I have various conscious levels operating simultenously (as a matter of fact, this is how my mind always works). Even if I could convince the lower level conscience to try something, I couldn't avoid the upper levels to ruin it all (convincingly showing me that this is only a little stupid trick, that one has to be too weak in self-knowledge to be able to fall to this one, etc.)\n\nThe arguments are very reasonable and persuasive, and I wonder how can therapeutic interventions like CBT be actually so effective on a rational, logical, hopelessly analytical mind. In particular, the claim that *every* depressed/anxious person have delusional minds, their disorders resulting from spurious thought processes/unreasonable assumptions, sounds offensive to me.\n\nAre HFA/Aspies particularly prone to this \"realization\"?\n\nI'm not even claiming that I have an above average intelligence (which I probably do not have). Just pointing out how my mind actually works and suspecting that I'm not alone here. I'm tired of being (implicitly) accused of being actively sabotaging the therapy, as if the CBT was made to fit all kinds of human minds, every failure having to do with the patient's \"unwillingness to comply to its standard.\"", "answer": "I am in the unique position of having Asperger's and being in graduate school to become a clinical social worker (almost done!!!).\n\nI have both been treated with CBT and treated others with it.\n\nFirst, CBT has nothing to do with tricking yourself into thinking anything.  It is about identifying thoughts that are either false or thoughts that are true, but that are less helpful than other thoughts that are also true.  The patient then decides, in collaboration with the therapist, which thoughts should be replaced with thoughts that are both true (or more true) and more helpful.  \n  \nAs a person with a ASD, a high IQ, and an insanely analytical mind that just won't quit, I know first hand that even with these particular characteristics/gifts, it is possible to be blind to more positive views of things.  Furthermore, in my own experience, I was probably more stubborn in letting go of negative and unhelpful thoughts due to my ASD traits.\n\nThat being said, if your therapist is actually accusing you of sabotaging therapy (and you aren't just perceiving this accusation as part of a larger pattern of negatively skewed cognition) then you need a different therapist.  You need a therapist who is A) more patient, B) has better critical thinking skills, and C) better understand the need for flexibility in treatment.\n\nI understand what it is like to be analyzing things on several levels at once, and most people on earth just don't operate that way.  Therapists are no exception.  If your therapist isn't willing to take the detours you need to take to fully understand whether your thoughts are ultimately harmful to you, and to decide for yourself which ones to change, then you have the wrong therapist for you.  At the very least, your therapist isn't doing a good job of considering and adapting to your ASD.\n\nIn no way are people with ASD immune to CBT.  In fact, Tony Attwood, one of the worlds leading experts on Asperger's, endorses CBT as treatment for a variety of problems related to ASD.\n\nIf a therapist claims that someone with ASD is immune to CBT, they are either unknowledgable of ASD, of CBT, of their obligation to adapt treatments to client needs, of methods to do so, or of all of the above.\n\nTo restate some things, CBT can definitely be useful for individuals with ASD.  It sounds like your therapist is not equipped to handle your particular needs, and you need to find a therapist with whom you can discuss your special needs up front and who is willing to make adaptations and has the patience to deal with your analytical overdrive.  Developing a strong therapist/client relationship and applying standard CBT methods with FLEXIBILITY are required parts of the CBT approach.  If this isn't being done, then CBT isn't being executed correctly.  So, What I am saying is: It's not your fault; It's not CBT's fault; It's probably your therapist's fault.  \n\nTo add one more layer of complexity though (and to be fair to your therapist), therapists often work in restrictive environments where they simply don't have the time or resources to provide interventions properly.  This is the sad state of things.  It may be the case for your therapist, but maybe not.\n\nFinally, the reference to \"tricks\" in your original post tells me that you have some misconceptions about CBT yourself. This could also be your therapist's fault, for not doing adequate psychoeducation with you at the outset of treatment.  I would strongly encourage you to be open to the idea that CBT isn't as bad as it seems and to do some independent study on the matter.\n\nReality does suck.  It's true.  It's normal to feel pretty bad about that sometimes.  But, believe it or not (and I didn't believe it several years ago), you can choose how to think and feel about reality (more positively, I hope) without having to delude yourself or think illogically.  That's not what CBT is about.  It's quite the opposite.  \n\nIf anything, if you are able to talk yourself out of feeling better and thinking positively in most situations, you are probably not being analytical enough! Sound crazy, right?  Your thoughts are probably just landing in a negative, but comfortable/familiar place.  Ask yourself if that tendency seems just a bit too strong to be the natural state of things, and not a pathological pattern you have developed over the years.  If you are familiar with statistics, think about he normal curve.  It just doesn't make sense for the results of most all of your analyses to land on the negative side of the curve.\n\nAs a hyper-analytical person, I am confident that you can discover the complexity of perception, and that both positive and negative conclusions can be made from the same objectively true circumstances.  You can choose to land on the positive side more often, and that doesn't mean you have skewed reality.  \n\nIn the end, none of us know anything about what is truly TRUE, and we have to make choices about what we believe.  All else being equal, choose to land on the positive side of that coin, if only because life will be more enjoyable.\n\nThis is harder than it sounds (as you have probably experienced) but it is very possible with the proper motivation and the right kind of help.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "3alpwt", "comment_id": "cse16o4"}, {"question": "Are the normal medications for High BP and MDD/GAD?", "description": "26 Male, 6'1 , 220lbs, Eastern European. Medications include Lostartan/Hydrochlorothiazide , Carvedilol, Sertraline Bromazepam, Promazine, Nitrazepam.\n\n​\n\nAre these normal for my conditions? Also, should they be making me tired during the day?", "answer": "Losartan, hydrochlorothiazide, and carvedilol are all standard medications for blood pressure and a common combination.\n\nSertraline is a standard long-term treatment for MDD and GAD.\n\nBromazepam and nitrazepam are both benzodiazepines and are sedating. They can make you tired. It's usually not recommended to take two different benzodiazepines. In fact, it's usually not recommended to take any benzodiazepines long-term, although sometimes it's the best option. That's a conversation to have with your doctor.\n\nPromazine is a medication that hasn't been available in the USA for some time, so I don't have much familiarity with it. It might be used as an additional medication for depression. I can't say whether that's common or not or effective or not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d2zpui", "comment_id": "ezxryqq"}, {"question": "Oxycodone taper", "description": "In December I was prescribed oxycodone to treat my herniated and bulging discs. The first two months I took between 7.5-15mg once daily every other day. The past 3 months I have taken 10-15mg daily. I\u2019ve been taking the meds for the past 5 months and would like to taper off. I can see myself becoming addicted and do NOT want that to happen. The past 5 days I have only taken 7.5mg once daily and have not noticed any adverse effects. I am quite active and eat fairly healthy. What would a good taper schedule look like to get off the oxy completely? I am trying to avoid acute withdrawal symptoms and remain available to assist my wife with our 3 children. ", "answer": "The only limiting factor is your comfort. You could try stopping cold turkey and it might be fine. I\u2019d recommend decreasing by the lowest practical amount, which depends on what pull size you have and how easy to cut it is, and doing so weekly or so.\n\nWithdrawal, particularly from a fairly low daily dose, is likely to be mild if it happens and even severe opioid withdrawal is miserable rather than dangerous, so you can go more aggressively if you want and ease off if you find yourself feeling sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i6jxn", "comment_id": "dyp9ha1"}, {"question": "I recently took nueropsych testing. I am very concerned that something was missed.", "description": "To  start with I recently went to a psychologist. I took testing and got  diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was kind of relieved, as I've  been terrified that I am developing schizophrenia and long story short,  I've been over analyzing every thought and perceived sense to check to  see if I am experiencing schizophrenia symptoms. The therapist that  tested me said that my reality testing was good after the test.\n\nSo  I've been experiencing a symptom (or to be specific, a group of  symptoms) since May. This was jump started after I had a series if panic  attacks. The symptom(s) I am describing are not constant (thank God), and  it usually starts in the afternoon: I feel off, I am not sure how to  describe it. Along with this, my eyes physically feel weird, I feel cold at times. My perception seems off as well. Certain objects seem further  away, closer, larger or smaller (this may just be a placebo). My emotions are dulled, and I feel  disconnected from my thoughts and emotions (I know all of my thoughts are mine, but I feel disconnected from them, if that makes sense). I get extremely anxious.  Stuff around me seems different as well, like everything feels off. My  memory has gotten extremely bad (took me 10 seconds to remember my  mother's name recently). I also couldn't even remember going to a store to purchase a game recently. Certain events that happened recently feel like  they happened a long time ago. I get extremely anxious from all of this due to not knowing what it could be. Maybe this is caused by something psychical and not mental?\n\nI  write this because I have no idea what to do. I'm terrified. I'm in an  extremely stressful environment ( my mother yells at me all the time and  is extremely negative), so it probably doesn't help at all. I'm honestly  wondering if I should go to the hospital. I'm scared if I don't do  anything about this then I will feel like this forever. I don't see this  ever getting better :(\n\nI guess I  should add that I am on buspar (15mg 3x a day) and rispiridole (1mg 1x a  day). After tonight, I am not sure if these meds are helping me. I should also add that I am not going to see my therapist for several weeks.", "answer": "It sounds like there\u2019s some dissociation going on (but that\u2019s only my opinion based on what you shared....it\u2019s by no means a diagnosis).  If it was depersonalization or derealization then you would feel like a robot walking through your day and that nothing around you is real (those do come with dissociation, but there\u2019s the other criteria too).  Dissociation can be due to stress or trauma. It\u2019s common to happen with depression and anxiety. It\u2019s the body/brains way of protecting itself. I would see if you can go in to see your therapist sooner and talk with them about this some more. It is very scary to experience and you\u2019re just not able to feel like yourself. \nThere are some grounding exercises that your therapist might be able to give you so that you can try to help bring yourself back to the moment/here and now.  Try to keep yourself calm when you feel it happening and talk yourself through it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eajjjg", "comment_id": "faukgsl"}, {"question": "Alcohol is the best thing for social anxiety since sliced bread", "description": "I know this might not be the most popular opinion but alcohol is a fucking blessing when it comes to SA. \nI'm very anxious when speaking with people - my neck is stone hard, I can't focus, I don't listen what other people are saying because I'm more busy with my anxiety and how do other people perceive me. I'm Polish and I live in UK, so every while and then one of either my or my girlfriend's family is coming over for few days to visit us and I'm usually very anxious and stressed during that period. Not sure why but I think it's because I have a feeling that I MUST impress them. And usually it ends up that I can't finish a fucking sentence because I forgot what I was about to say because I'm more focused on their facial expressions and if they enjoy what I'm telling. If I notice even the slightliest disorientation or confusion, I stuck up and behave like a retard. \n\nThis time it was my girlfriends mum that's visiting us and I know she already noticed there's something wrong with me, but she's just too nice to say it loud. But once we sit down and have a drink, I don't fucking give a shit what other people think about me and I'm doing really well in social interactions. I can focus, I can listen, I respond very properly to others stories and I can come up with my own stories don't paying attention to what others think. It feels so good and free. Too bad tomorrow's the day too and I'll have to pretend I'm cool throughout the day masking my anxiety so we can have a drink in the evening and talk like normal people.\n\nIt's a blessing but only a temporary one. It doesn't solve your problems. It just gives you a hint how's it like when you don't give a damn.\n\n\n\n\n**Edit:** Thanks for the comments. Obviously I cannot let myself drinking everyday as I've got a job I really like and a lovely daughter who's an apple of my eye. My dad was/is an alcoholic and it ruined my childhood so I definitely don't want to go that route. It's just amazing how alcohol can reveal the social me which sits somewhere very deeply but I'm just too fucking scared of judgement to show it when I'm sober.", "answer": "Besides everything that people have said about alcoholism, the other problem with using alcohol is that it can easily become a [safety behavior](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-your-fear/201303/safety-behaviors-in-social-anxiety) that makes it harder to overcome your anxiety. Safety behaviors are things that make you feel better in the short term, but are harmful in the long term because they teach you to avoid the problem rather than face it. \n\nI don't that there's anything wrong with drinking occasionally to loosen up, but I'd be careful about letting it become your go-to strategy.", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "4h2fcf", "comment_id": "d2ng5gk"}, {"question": "I need to talk to someone about my mental health - I have no insurance. What are my options?", "description": "Hello, it has been suggested to me by several friends that I seek out some therapeutic help for some mental health issues. I do not have much money or any health insurance. Do I have any options? ", "answer": "You can call different places and ask if they offer sliding scale fees. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "734oje", "comment_id": "dnnsmjq"}, {"question": "Friday, 1st September 2017", "description": "A new month, New begging.\nTime for change, Better myself. \n\nI've been given a second chance, I'll take it. \nHead down, Work hard. \n\nFocus on good. \nFocus on myself. \nFocus on reaching my goals. \n\nI can and I will take control of this horrible life. \nI will become a better man, A new man. \n\n", "answer": "Love your motivation.  It's all about momentum!  Put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed!  Good luck and happy September!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "dmfmxds"}, {"question": "My Roommate was raped, I need advice.", "description": "Long story short, my roommate was raped, she won't get help/refuses to admit it happened and has now turned to drugs and alcohol to forget about it.  I need advice, because she is my friend and I lover her and I can't sit back and watch her destroy herself.  Full story for background below:\n\nLast March, my close friend (F) and roommate was raped after party at our college.  A large group of us had gone out for the night, and she became separated from us after we were dealing with another friend of ours who had drank way to much and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.  A guy who lived near the party took her home, raped her and then left her to wander the streets of our town until she managed to call us and we found her and took her home.  She was really out of it and incoherent so we put her to bed and when she woke up in the morning she told us what happened.  \n\nInitially she refused to let us take her to the hospital because she was afraid of her parents finding out.  At the hospital she talked with the police and then refused to have a rape kit done because of her parents.  Neither us, the police or the hospital's counselor could convince her otherwise.  Her parents are very strict and traditional and they are from a culture that does not treat rape victims well.  \n\nTime passes and none of us know what to do.  I did some research on abuse survivors and counseling and I put together info for her on where to get help.  There are hotlines she could call, our school offers free counseling...  She doesn't want help.  But at this point, I know she is NOT ok.  I try to talk to her, the other girls in our friend group who know what happened try to talk to her, and she is closed off pretending it didn't happen.  Time passes and then she tells us she is going to counseling but I have suspicions she is lying.  \n\nThen, she turns to distractions.  The same friend of ours who had alcohol poisoning that night (C), is what I would categorize as a bad influence.  F and C start partying together more and smoking a lot of weed, also talking about trying other drugs.  F tries to hide it from the rest of us.  After finals a bunch of our friends are having a post-test party in a friends apartment.  F shows up, gets absolutely hammered and then has a break-down in the hall of the apartment complex.  Two of my other friends and me are there to help her.  She is fairly incoherent but is going on and on about how she is \"dirty,\" \"worthless\" and \"deserved it\"... ect.  She tells us she thought about killing herself and went on about how she doesn't want to \"keep on like this.\"  I try to do my best to help her, but again, I don't know what to do.  She refuses help and will not admit she has a problem.  \n\nThe next morning, she wakes up and I know she remembers what happened but she pretends like she was black out drunk and laughs it off.  And then, she is gone.  Home for the summer.  All I had was texts and snapchats to gauge how she was doing.  She tells us she is going to counseling, and she has talked to her mother about what happened.  But I think she lied.  \n\nNow it is fall semester.  We have moved apartments and F, me and a third friend (W) who was there the night she was raped live together.  We have been back for three weeks.  I'm pretty sure F never went to see a therapist or a counselor.  I'm pretty sure she never talked to her mother.  F is not ok.  I don't know if I can explain this properly but I will try.  F has a certain way of talking/texting when she is drunk or high.  It is almost as if her speech patterns change?  And now she talks/texts like this all the time. \n\nShe smokes weed pretty much every night.  She does homework, leaves the apartment, and then comes back late, high as hell.  She drives high, and doesn't care about her safety or the safety of others.  The bad influence, C, didn't come back to school this semester and is living with friends in a major city about two hours from campus.  F goes to visit C on weekend and parties.     \n\nI don't really care is a person smokes or drinks too much.  I know I have on occasion.  But F is using substances to forget what happened to her because is she gets high she can pretend it never happened (her words).  W and I have tried to talk to her, but she dodges questions, changes the subject or laughs off whatever we say.  \n\nI don't know what to do.  All I can do is worry about her.  And wonder when she goes out if she is going to be ok/alive when I wake up in the morning.  \n\nSo, I ask for advice.  For me and for her.  Or if this isn't the right place, at least if someone could point me in the right direction for help.\n\nThanks. ", "answer": "Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help, there isn't much you can do. Pushing it out of her can make it worse. HOWEVER, if she threats to harm herself, you need to report that and that might make her finally open up.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "3ktpgt", "comment_id": "cv0m2kg"}, {"question": "How do I know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20F, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgDesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)\n\nThis is pretty straightfoward. How do I know of my antidepressants are working? I still feel suicidal from time to time and I am tired all the damn time. I like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. I got a job and I'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "That's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. It doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). Each of those possibilities would be handled differently.\n\nIf you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fk432li"}, {"question": "[29M] Feeling trapped in relationship after 7 years (29/f)", "description": "We met each other 7 years ago when both of us were in college and 22. It started off casually but then we started dating and hanging out all the time. After university, she moved back home and I lived by myself for about 1 year. She would visit me once a month but then ended up moving in with me. After 6 years, she really wanted to get married. Last year everything seemed to be going well, so we bought a house and got married. \n\nI still care for her however lately I've been pretty unhappy, feeling trapped, and wondering if I made the wrong choice. Being about to turn 30 has just made things worse.\n\nA few other things:\n\n* Everything was made worse lately because she wanted to start a family but I felt unsure and it led to a big argument. \n\n* She is extremely dependent on me. Ex: I need to take her everywhere despite her having a car. If she's hungry, she won't buy food instead she will wait for me to drive her somewhere. If we go out on weekend she refuses to drive even if I'm tired. \n\n* We do everything together, and I'm naturally an introverted person who gets my energy from being by myself. There's times when I just want to do my own thing. I realize now that I really miss being single and at times wish I could do whatever I want. \n\n* I always had aspirations of moving around the US and living in different cities, switching jobs, etc, and now I realized that not really possible anymore. \n\n* Sex is always the same thing and I don't get excited anymore. This was made worse when she wanted to start a family, sex started becoming a huge chore. \n\n\nNow i'm wondering what to do? Do I just try to make things work, do I do a complete 180 and pursue something else? I'm planning to talk about all of this with her but I know its going to cause a big argument. ", "answer": "You are well thought out about this. Try to decide what might make things less hum-drum for you, and talk about it. Or maybe....the pilot light is off. To avoid regret, have a few sessions with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qjnzi", "comment_id": "dkxs5bv"}, {"question": "Can people suffering from PTSD watch horror movies and have it be okay?", "description": "my girlfriend knows a guy who's really big into watching them although he's an active member of the army. I was just wonder if that was legitimate or not. Also, can the condition's symptoms be trigged by universal means or does it vary based on that person's traumatic event? ", "answer": "It's kind of skeevy that you're trying to decide whether or not someone's PTSD is legitimate...\n\nBut long story short, people get triggered by different things, and some people even seek out things that trigger them as part of the reenactment aspect of PTSD.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "2a3yxn", "comment_id": "cirbxgs"}, {"question": "Hydroxyzine for anxiety, how much?", "description": "25 Male 250lbs 5' 10\" Caucasian \n\nOther medications are Prozac 40 mg/day\n\nI was prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety. The goal is to just take the edge off to actually relax and not feel like I'm on edge all the time. Doctor gave me 50mg tabs to get more bang for the buck on insurance. \n\nDo the effect of hydroxyzine amplify with taking more?\nHow much is a dangerous amount? I've taken 300 mg and not felt much\nIs it worth asking the doctor for something else or just upping the dosage until the desired effect is achieved?\n\nThanks for any help and feedback!", "answer": "Ultimately its a sedating antihistamine. In the UK its only licenced for itch. 100mg is the maximum recommended dose. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8aes2t", "comment_id": "dwzhq6y"}, {"question": "[Advice] My gf cut herself", "description": "My girlfriend of 2 years confessed to me that she cut herself about 2 months ago. I know she was under a lot of stress finishing grad school and preparing for her board exam. She is finishing med school so she is very aware of the reasons people display cutting behavior. I remember her telling me at the time that she was feeling anxiety and depression due to feeling overwhelmed with school. She lied to me at the time, telling me the cat did it. \n\nShe has no history of mental illness, she is 27 and said she has never done anything like this before. She told me she is not and has never been suicidal. She asked that I do not tell anyone and that we dont talk about it again. She is currently on medicaid so I am looking into therapy options for her. I love her more than anything and I am looking for advice on how to best help her. ", "answer": "If you want her to  get therapy and she's resistant, don't push it.  The best way to influence someone to get into therapy for themselves is modeling.  Get yourself some therapy, work on whatever issues you have going on, and talk about how it's helping you.  This is usually far more effective than trying to take the intervention approach.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9lcah7", "comment_id": "e761f18"}, {"question": "Does radiation exposure from CT scans damage DNA cells 100% of the time?", "description": "I keep reading mutated damaged DNA leads to cancer but does that mean if you had a CT Scan you have a 100% chance of getting cancer in the future because of the damaged dna? does radiation exposure in large amounts from CT scan damage dna at all times? I'm confused by the wording, make me believe if you had any radiation exposure you're bound to have cancer eventually. ", "answer": "If any DNA damage caused cancer we would die after exposure to sunlight, because that's exactly what ultraviolet light does.\n\nIn fact, due to the loss of critical DNA repair mechanisms, that's among the problems that occur in [xeroderma pigmentosum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeroderma_pigmentosum).\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9j6mzh", "comment_id": "e6p788z"}, {"question": "How to avoid hitting a brick wall immediately upon getting home for the day? I'm in tears because I just want to get some stuff accomplished at home and it feels impossible.", "description": "It doesn't matter what time it is, once I get home it's like my meds immediately wear off and I can't get anything accomplished even if it's something I desperately want to do. If I run errands after work or go out to do something fun, everything is great! I get stuff done and I feel good about myself. \n\nBut the minute I step through my front door, all bets are off. Many days, it's a miracle for me to even make myself dinner, or even eat what I brought home with me. \n\nMy doctor has me taking a 30 mg Vyvanse in the morning and another one in the early afternoon to try to combat this. It works great getting me through the end of my workday and any errands. \n\nBut like today...I forgot to take it at 12:30, and didn't remember until 2:30. Which actually made me happy, because I have to get some projects done around my house and I figured it would finally last long enough to get me through until at least 9.\n\nNope. I barely made it through making dinner, and I was dragging as I drove out to bring it to my boyfriend at work. Once I got back home 30 minutes later, I ended up sitting in my car for another 30ish minutes before I found the motivation and energy to go upstairs. I ate a little piece of chicken and I'm trying to power through at least one of my projects, but I'm not really getting anywhere. It sucks and I'm in tears for the third night in a row. I want to stay productive at home too, not just at work! Plus we have a roommate moving in next weekend, and her room is completely full of stuff that needs to be gotten rid of ASAP. \n\nIs this normal? How do you cope with it? I don't honestly know if it's my ADHD or if there might be another culprit. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed. ", "answer": "I am going through this exact struggle right now and was thinking about writing a post just like yours. I'm an early career professional, and in addition to my job, I'm trying to study for my licensing exam and make a little extra money with a side gig. Neither of those things is getting done at all. I feel ambitious and excited to do these things throughout the day, but as soon as I get home the energy drains out of me and brain fog settles in. \n\nI just recently started getting (pharmaceutical) treatment for the first time at age 29, so I'm still figuring out a lot of stuff.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9bpgxm", "comment_id": "e576svv"}, {"question": "After 8 years of daily use, a diagnosis of Cannabis Use Disorder, I guess I'm ready to change.", "description": "Hi, I'm Glo, and I'm addicted to THC.\n\nI started smoking weed as a teen with friends, sometimes skipping school to get high, but not often.  Then I got to college.  I started smoking more often, at least once or twice a week, still just with friends though.  Then came moving into my first apartment (shared with roommates) and all the freedom of living away from parents and off of school property.  I got myself my very own bong that year... and that's when everything started to change.\n\nI began smoking daily, after work at first, then eventually in the morning before breakfast but hours before my nighttime work shifts.  When I was 22 I met my ex, D\\*, and fell in love hard and fast.  He smelled of cannabis and coffee (we worked at starbucks together) and I loved it.  He was a weed dealer (back in the days before dispensaries were standard in Toronto) and smoked daily as well.  I was always high when we were together.  I started smoking at all times of day regardless of when I worked, and being high became my normal.\n\nTwo years later, D\\* broke my heart, and I didn't want to feel anything.  I started smoking much higher THC levels and more often, I relied heavily on cannabis to numb my negative emotions. These emotions of mine are very intense, as I have Borderline Personality Depression and ADHD.  Being high made me less reactionary, less anxious, more... comfortable.\n\nIt's been 3 years since that breakup and despite multiple attempts at \"cutting back\" \"lowering my usage\" or \"quitting\".. I haven't been successful.\n\nI am dependent. I spend all my time thinking about the next chance I'll have to smoke, I don't socialize unless I can be high, I don't allow myself to run out of weed even if it means going without groceries. I am terrified of the idea that I should quit for good and forever, but I know I can't go on like this.\n\nI'm lonely. I'm lethargic. My memory is hard to access. I've no motivation to do anything other than smoking weed. I'm late for work often (a job I love!) because I just can't motivate myself to be on time for anything ever.  I've gained a LOT of weight and never have enough energy to exercise.  I'm numb and haven't cried in over a year despite experiencing sad and even traumatic events in that time.\n\nI recently had a Psychiatric consult because I thought these struggles were linked to my medications (anti-depressant, mood stabiliser) and wanted to try a different medication for the first time since going on antidepressants. The psychiatric team I consulted with diagnosed me with Cannabis Use Disorder, and explained that due to the amount I've been smoking, every day, for years now, while my brain still developed and while I also struggle with BPD - that it has caused long term effects on my cognitive functions and mood.  They told me that it would be pointless to change my medication without me actually making a change in my cannabis consumption and addressing this addiction.\n\n​\n\nSo here I am. Going to an Addictions Clinic next Wednesday, looking for support here, and tomorrow night, I am going to go to my first Marijuana Anonymous meeting (very lucky that I live in Toronto and there are options every weekday here)  But I'm scared. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to accept this new reality.  I don't know what to do to occupy my time as nothing seems to make me as happy as smoking weed does. Nothing calms my mind the way smoking does.\n\nSo there's my story, I'm taking the first steps towards quitting, and I'm terrified.", "answer": "I\u2019m so proud of you for taking this step! You\u2019ve got this and we\u2019re here for you \ud83d\udc99", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "faiktn", "comment_id": "fizir6m"}, {"question": "Request: recovering too fast?", "description": "For some reason, I\u2019m terrified of fully letting go of my ED. Like, every time I get further in my recovery, I\u2019m tempted to sabotage myself just so that I can start over again.\n\nRecently I\u2019ve been having a really good week, where I\u2019ve had (apart from 1 bad day) close to no ED urges. But now I feel like a fake, like I\u2019ve been doing it all for attention, and that I don\u2019t need to recover. I guess, how can I let myself let go of the ED?", "answer": "Recovery can be terrifying!  For many, their ED is a part of their identity, who they are, it may define them.\n\nSelf-sabotage is not uncommon, but the fact that you're aware of your thoughts/temptations to self-sabotage speaks volumes in terms of your progress in recovery.  \n\nRecovery from an ED doesn't look the same for everyone, and obviously it doesn't happen overnight.  Trying to recover too fast may also be setting yourself up for failure, not that I'm saying that's what you're doing.  I don't know your situation, but if you are seeing a therapist, this would be an excellent thing to bring up.  \n\nFor many of us, there may always be the voice of your ED in the back of your mind, especially during times of stress, even when you haven't acted on those urges in years.  Sometimes, just acknowledging their presence, utilizing whatever coping skills you may have learned, and allowing yourself to sit with those feelings can be helpful.  For some, maybe not.  \n\nIt's also okay to grieve the loss or separation from your ED.  After all, it was a coping mechanism, albeit unhealthy, but it was always there for you and it served a purpose.  Finding another more appropriate, healthy substitution is also key.", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "egg057", "comment_id": "fc7o7kn"}, {"question": "30(m) engaged to 31(f) healthy relationship but cant overcome the urge to check out women", "description": "\nIts beginning to affect our relationship and her self esteem. I hate that im like this but i cant seem to stop. I even try and make sure i face a wall when we go out. Anyone managed to overcome something like this?\n", "answer": "Looking is ok unless you're not looking at your finance at the same time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68c7r5", "comment_id": "dgxf106"}, {"question": "DAE not mind being alone?", "description": "Anybody else relate? I prefer being alone, to be honest. I used to hate it. I used to jump from one relationship to another with no break in-between and constantly wanted to talk to somebody. I don't know why this has changed? Then again, people are huge triggers to me and I'm better off without them. I've emotionally shut off now. I know it's a defence mechanism and it's unhealthy but I've been okay this way. \n\nI see pwBPD often saying they hate being alone, but I can't relate to that anymore. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts, even though they're overwhelming sometimes.", "answer": "I often prefer it. No social paranoia or anxious self-consciousness ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7jiljt", "comment_id": "dr6p9ti"}, {"question": "Why do Aspies torture themselves trying to fit with incompatible mates?", "description": "Last month an [NT wife asked for advice](http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/121x0o/nt_wife_needs_advice/):\n\n> My husband and I have been together for close to a decade. In the beginning, I admired his ability to see the logic in everything. I still do, but I'm also left feeling empty and neglected quite often.\n\n> Right now I'm laying in bed crying as I type this on my phone. He came to bed a few minutes ago and put his arm around me and fell asleep. No comforting, no asking if I'm okay, nothing.\n\nComments were coming in, and she edited it with this:\n\n> Thank you for your responses. I think I brought this to the wrong forum. It was late and I felt desperate. I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the responses that sound just like my husband, and I can't read anymore right now. If you read this, PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO ME. Thanks again for your willingness to help.\n\nThis really struck me. She was looking for a hug, but she received homework.\n\nThe following day, someone empathized with her emotionally, but it was another NT:\n\n> As an NT wife of an aspie, I feel your pain. I'm often left feeling empty, and am not sure how to go about it either.\n\nThat day she posted this to a different page:\n\n> For all the positives in our marriage, I still crave an emotional connection that I don't think I'll ever get from him. That makes me incredibly sad. I know you can't expect to have all your needs met by your spouse, but that feels like an important thing to be lacking from what's supposed to be the most important relationship in your life.\n\nShe loves him, but she's missing something.\n\nI just checked her profile, and about a week ago she replied to someone's question about quitting their life to start over. She said that she was, \"itching to do it again\", and while there is consideration for spouse and kids, \"I think the world would be a much BETTER place if we all followed our dreams.\"\n\nIt almost sounds like she wants out of the marriage.\n\nBut this isn't a new problem. It's a common theme, and some people wonder if they \"[should even be in a relationship](http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/zn426/should_i_even_be_in_a_relationship/)\":\n\n> She knows some of the limitations (I hate the word \"challenges\" \u2014 say it like it is) of my thought processes and emotions, but I don't think she's fully groked that she won't ever be loved like she wants to be, no matter how much she loves me. I won't love her as much, I won't show it in the same way, and it's going to be hard for both of us. And let's not get into the sex drive disparity (suffice it to say I've gone years without before with no ill effect).\n\nBesides the emotional emptiness, the physical touch and sexual intimacy are common concerns too:\n\n> Our sex life is abysmal. I've always thought he had a rather low sex drive, but recently he shared with me that he engages in self-service on a daily basis.\n\nThen last week an article was posted, \"[Married to someone with Aspergers](http://www.ivillage.com/forums/node/4989427)\", where an NT woman basically bashes her AS ex-husband to warn others of the torment she endured:\n\n* Many describe living with an Aspie as \"water torture.\"\n* With limited empathy for others, you can't really connect.\n* This mind blindness leaves the spouse wondering if she is understood or cared for or trusted by her Aspie partner.\n* He will do what he thinks is best for the both of them but seldom talks to her about her feelings or opinions. And if she tries to share her love for him, he may find her need to \"connect\" smothering.\n* Often these relationships are without sexual intimacy.\n* He has no need to understand her so her complaints are bothersome to him.\n* An Aspie husband and Neuro-typical (NT) wife are often described as like two insulated wires wrapped around each other, touching but not connecting.\n\nShe is part of a support group for other women in NT-AS relationships, [AspergersAndOtherHalf](http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AspergersAndOtherHalf/). There are 1,704 members, and males are not allowed. It says it's for female spouses to connect with other women, who understand the realities of relationships with a partner on the spectrum, and that it's a safe place to talk, and receive empathy and support.\n\nWith all of this, it almost sounds like AS means *failures in love*. Like they should just be forever alone, except for the cats who might put up with them.\n\nBut is that really what it means?\n\nKirsten is an AS young woman who publishes online, and there is an article with her in *The New York Times* called, \"[Navigating Love and Autism](https://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/26/us/navigating-love-and-autism.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2)\".\n\nIn one section it talks about her extroverted high school boyfriend trying to teach her to thrive socially:\n\n> Noting her tendency to speak in a monotone, he urged her to be more expressive. He sought to quiet her hand movements, gave her personal hygiene tips (\u201cYou can\u2019t do that,\u201d he told her flatly when she used her fingers to scoop up food she had dropped on a table at Taco Bell and ate it) and pointed out the unspoken social cues she often missed. He elbowed her as she spoke for long minutes to an acquaintance about her interest in animal physiology. \u201cWhen people look away,\u201d he explained, \u201cit means they\u2019re not interested.\u201d\n\n> \u201cYou\u2019re not a robot,\u201d he insisted, intending to comfort her. \u201cI know you can do this. You\u2019re a human being.\u201d But not, she thought, the kind he wanted her to be.\n\nThat doesn't sound fun. That doesn't sound like he's connecting with her. It's always presented as a problem with the AS, where they're the one not connecting. But maybe it goes the other way too?\n\nThe article goes on to paint Jack, her future Aspie boyfriend, as her savior, because she could apparently feel more comfortable. It sounded like the extroverted guy who was training her was nowhere near satisfied with her, and it'd just be a matter of time before he grew frustrated and broke up with her.\n\nBut with the AS guy, she was comforted that he wouldn't leave her. He was something else, connecting with her in a different way, that seemingly felt better. He was Aspie, she was Aspie, and they could find ways to bond over that, fitting with peculiarities.\n\nFor some, maybe none of this is an issue, and they're compatible with NT on all levels. But it's surely an issue that keeps being raised, except that it's usually framed as the AS being defective.\n\nWhy do AS people want to attempt mating with the general population, without first making sure they are compatible when it comes to things like emotional and sexual intimacy? It almost seems like AS people have a sensitivity of feeling inferior, and want to attempt a struggle to fit in, and prove they can be just like everyone else.\n\nBut then look what happens. Even in the cases where an NT and AS incompatible in this way make it work, it's not just the NT who is missing something, it's the AS who is too. Everyone seems to ignore that. The AS is struggling too, and isn't fully connecting how they could with someone who isn't needing the things they can't provide.\n\nIt goes beyond AS/NT too. If a non-AS is asexual, and an AS has issues with touching and sexual intimacy, then that might work too. The question is just, why do some people torture themselves, instead of just finding someone who fully appreciates them, and adores the AS stuff, not missing anything because they feel the same way?\n\nI think besides just being undiagnosed, not knowing better, or getting swept away with love they can't control, that a lot of it is that inferior mindset. But look at the concept illustrated with Kirsten's story. They might not be the poster for perfect AS-AS romance, but can't you just imagine that guy feeling better to be with her than some woman like that AS-basher with the support group? Why not find partners who adore the AS stuff like that?\n\nEven if an incompatible NT is in love with AS, is it optimal for them to stay together and get married when it's already known what problems often arise? Would both be happier with someone who connects differently and appreciates their so-called defects? Or do you think it's better to just let love take shape naturally however it wants, without oversight, and that the AS-NT relationships that do work are somehow better or equal to AS-AS?\n\nThen there's the question of children. There was a post from an NT wife seeing how the AS husband didn't connect with the children, and the problems that caused. How does that work with AS-AS compatible relationships? Do they have AS children? Is it then a whole happy family who get each other? Or do they not have children, and use their AS skills for producing in other ways?", "answer": "A) That is an everyone problem, not an aspie problem.\n\nB) It's for affection/human contact/emotional support/sex... just like it is for everyone else.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13qci9", "comment_id": "c769zdi"}, {"question": "I suspect my 5yo daughter has ADHD.", "description": "We\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. I know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.\n\nFor now I am most concerned about her social emotional health. She already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d Her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. When she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. She\u2019s five.\n\nI am in this sub because of her. I\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. But from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? What do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "I'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. It helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.\n\nAlso, many of Dan Siegels books are great. Specifically the whole brain child. It's about connecting and supporting through emotions. \n\nAs for what you can give, unconditional love. When she is angry say \"I can see you are really angry at the moment. It is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (An exanple) Give her a hug. Then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. Listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. Then just sit next to her while she works it off. This works for most emotions. When she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. Shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "eistw5y"}, {"question": "I made the mistake of asking my counselor if we can be friends..", "description": "I used to frequent /r/depression for a while, and after a few posts I made and a little bit of encouragement from loved ones, I finally decided to go to counseling and what not. \n\nI ended up having a great counselor who helped me with a lot of my issues. Most of them are still lingering, but I can really feel progress from where i was more than a year ago. \n\nMy issues mainly stem from a lot of self-hatred and ultimatums for everything. I thought nothing of it until it really started to affect me and there were points where I ended up really wanting to kill myself. When I got to that point I decided to start taking medication and after about 3 months it seems to be working well. (honestly I cant' tell but i feel better with time) \n\nReally, I love how I feel now and I only want to be able thank my counselor. At a time where I felt i had no one to talk to, she helped me rediscover how I can reach out to people. At times I'm sure i was difficult to work with, she often said that my progress was often being halted by my own indecisiveness and how scared I am of consequences. She would relate those weeks to a car stuck in the snow and just digging a deeper hole. It was a very stuck position for me, but she eventually convinced me to start taking the right steps towards living a happier life. \n\nNow I think i'm doing a lot better, blossoming even. Within the last few appointments ( they happen every week) We did a few things towards the end/beginning of our sessions that involved our interests. First it was a nice loose leaf tea i brought for us to have a drink together during our appointment. Next I pointed out her Totoro on her desk and we ended up talking about anime and manga. We laugh and we joke and what not, she even recommended a few manga for me. \n\nHowever, I guess I just wondered if getting comfortable with all of that was a mistake. Counselors really can't be your friends ever, I know that. It's just not something that is appropriate for their work. I understand that, but I guess I just wanted to know for sure. As we were wrapping up our last appointment, I just sort of casually asked\n\n\"So, once this is all over and done with.. will we be friends?\" \n\nShe gave me a pretty long answer and some specific scenarios about why that would not be a good idea. But she also said that just because we wouldn't be in sessions at all, doesn't mean we wouldn't talk. She said we'd probably check up on each other after a while maybe. I told her I was fine with that. \n\nShe ended up saying something like she was worried that I would feel rejection. I told her I was alright, and tried my best to leave in the most comfortable way possible and smiling, but it was actually very very hard. By the time I turned around the corner from her hall and I heard her door close, I really felt low. \n\nBy the time I got to the elevator, i couldn't help but start crying. I haven't cried over something like that in a little while. I used to cry every day over dumb things that didn't even matter. It used to confine me to bed all of the time or reduce me to a hallow shell outside my home. A lot of  that progress was because of her, and I guess i'm just down because we can't be friends. \n\nToday is the first day in a little while that the feeling of sadness and loneliness has penetrated so deep into my chest. I feel like I'm just a little lost and helpless again. \n\nwhat do I do? has anyone else dealt with this? ", "answer": "Its not a mistake.  Its just not something we are able to do for ethical reasons having to do with dual relationships and the possibility of exploitation.  Can't be a friend and a therapist at the same time and since the precedent is for therapist and the possibility is there for future work, friendship is off the table.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2yx3m6", "comment_id": "cpdwagg"}, {"question": "Neurological studies. Anyone had them?", "description": "My psychiatrist is perplexed because I continue to have ADHD symptoms, in fact I was fired from my teaching job a few months ago. The validity of that is questionable to me but regardless, I lost my job. I have been a highly talented and lauded teacher prior to being on Adderall and Effexor. It's possible the drugs just aren't doing their jobs now. But my psychiatrist wants me to have a neurological work up to rule out other brain issues besides the ADHD. \n\nI'm older and have been on treatment for @ 25 years. It seems in retrospect a lot of my troubles began when I started the medications. I became much more outspoken and frankly, I have been fired from almost every job I've had since then. I'd really like to understand what's wrong with me. \n\nHas anyone ever been tested for neurological problems and, if so, what were the results? Other than Alzheimer's, I'm not familiar with other ailments that impair the brain's memory and executive functions. I don't know what to expect. I want to be a cooperative patient but I am exhausted with there not being a clear understanding of my problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much. After all, ADHD was in its infancy 25 years ago and the treatments have become more complex and diverse since I initially began. I could use any input anyone has to help me sort this out. Thanks. ", "answer": "Autism spectrum disorders often co-occur with ADHD and have potentially similar origins. Do you have any symptoms that might fit with ASD?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "af9xao", "comment_id": "edwt3v5"}, {"question": "(21/f) My BF (28/m) thinks I am cheating or being shady", "description": "I (f) recently got a job that requires me to occasionally use a work vehicle. The other person that needs to use this vehicle is a guy in a different department, and he's been the sole driver of this vehicle for the past year+. When I was hired, they explained that I'd need to use that car as well so I'd need to start coordinating with the other person that also needs it. \n\nBasically to trim a long explanation down, my boyfriend hates that I have to coordinate and share this vehicle with another dude. When we switch vehicles, oftentimes we have to do it after office hours due to this coworker not having a normal 9 to 5 type schedule like the rest of us. We usually switch close to my apartment since it's a really central location, and the coworker's house is extremely far away from the downtown core. It's the process of switching drivers that has bothered my BF. A couple times he's seen this coworker outside my apartment building before, and has said sarcastic things to me like \"I saw your boyfriend outside.\" etc\n\nI don't know what to do to make the BF understand that this is just a work situation. It also extra pisses me off because I really don't even like working with this guy at all, and it's insulting that the BF thinks I would ever have some kind of attraction to him let alone anyone else (I have no interest in cheating on anyone, ever. I was cheated on in a past relationship and it made me feel like absolute garbage)\n\nHow do I deal with this/what should I say or do? I'm not the best with talking about my emotions and neither is my BF, so this situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and makes me feel like shit every time I have to use the car. I've been contemplating if it's even worth keeping the job over. \n\n", "answer": "How long have you two been dating?\n\nAlso: \u201cI need you to drop it.  If you think I\u2019m cheating on you, you should break up with me. If you don\u2019t think I\u2019m cheating on you, understand that I have to do this for my job and you are pissing me off.\u201d", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "8gnfys", "comment_id": "dyd4pkx"}, {"question": "Unsure how to progress in my relationship coz feels", "description": "Long story short (as short as possible) I [22 f] have been in a committed monogamous relationship (for the most part) with my bf [25 m] for 2 and a bit years now (met when I was 19]. I love him and feel happy when I'm with him however whenever we're not together I get a very serious case of the wandering eye and have a biiiiiiig crush on a guy I go to uni with. Important to note here that said crush began last year when bf was away for 4 months and we did sleep together a few times, also bf slept with several people while away without telling me, so it was a fuck up on both parts, he was very angry about my lapse, I didn't so much care about his. \nAnyway, so I have had doubts about our relationship due to age and not wanting to get tied down too early, because there's much to experience in the world, especially at my age. \n\nI was wondering whether anyone else has had a similar situation and how they progressed? I enjoy the time I spend with him but as soon as we're physically apart I almost couldn't care less and get very tempted by the prospect of other people. \n\nTl;dr should I leave my boyfriend because whenever I'm not with him I think about being with other people \n\n", "answer": "sounds like you've moved on in your heart;  unless there are specific issues, which improved, would change your heart.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v46ko", "comment_id": "ddz3wvd"}, {"question": "Groinal Response.", "description": "I got a groinal response when I looked at a picture of a kid and now I'm terrified. I didn't go back to test if I actually felt anything for her. I was diagnosed with OCD but now I'm scared\n\nI also had groinal responses when I was kid but I made nothing of it because there was no attraction. Should I be worried???", "answer": "If it feels like OCD, treat it like OCD. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "50tcki", "comment_id": "d76yvvc"}, {"question": "Sleep paralysis while I'm awake?", "description": "Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I'm looking for insight/advice on a reoccuring health problem I'm having.\n\nAbout once a month, always when I'm tired, I'll start to lose visual focus, mental clarity, and its difficult or impossible to move. I also have auditory hallucinations, a strong sense that there's something/someone near me, and feel a large amount of terror.\n\nIt lasts a few minutes in total. It's reached the point where I know what's coming and I can prepare myself while it ramps up. There's a terrifying peak and then it ramps down fairly quickly. \n\nAccording to the internet, this sounds like sleep paralysis. Except I'm awake. Although like I said, it occurs when I'm tired, trying to sleep or in bed reading.\n\nHas anyone else had the same problem? Anything I can do? Is this some other issue I should be aware of?", "answer": "My only real guess is that you should get more sleep. But you ought to go to a doctor if you're worried about it. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "26lc37", "comment_id": "chs5y1b"}, {"question": "Is that being diagnosed?", "description": "My psychiatrist have sent a letter to my school (CEGEP) to justify having help at school. He said I'd run test to check if I have Asperger's but he justifies that I have difficulties related to it and all. Is that being diagnosed or should I wait after the tests (which also seem to be therapies)? He said I had GAD and I was sociophobic and that I might be agoraphobic.", "answer": "Every psychologist does it differently.  Some will diagnose on a hunch.  Some will use a battery of tests.  Some avoid diagnosis whenever possible, especially chronic ones like Asperger's, because they think it is stigmatizing and don't want to be responsible for a permanent mark on your health records.  \n\nIf you really want a diagnosis, talk to your psychiatrist about getting a formal diagnosis using the DSM-V once it is released later this month.  He will be required to go through a standardized check list of symptoms/criteria (kind of like a flow chart) to determine if you actually have autism spectrum disorder).  He could then write you a letter that justifies his diagnosis using the DSM-V criteria.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "1dixba", "comment_id": "c9qyx6h"}, {"question": "Female doctor keeps being called by first name/nurse. How to handle it?", "description": "Hello,\n\nFor the female doctors in this subreddit, how have you handled when people try to minimize your position/authority with these passive aggressive actions?  Also, standing up for yourself without coming off as bitchy.  ", "answer": "Why is it such a big deal? Just correct them. \"I'm actually a doctor\".\n\nAlso, why is first-name basis disrespectful and how is any of this \"passive aggressive\"?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8rklm4", "comment_id": "e0sk1sx"}, {"question": "Moderation is not working.", "description": "Been drinking again for a while. Gott hammered two weeks ago at lunch.  Swore that was it.   Went to lunch on Friday at 2:00 pm.  By 4:00 pm the switch flipped and I was hammered ...again.  Woke up Saturday and somehow decided the answer to my problems was more beer.   Then about 2:00 pm on Sat the panic set it.  What have I done!    I'm still freaked out.. but... I didn't drink yesterday and I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.    So step one for me is going to be checking in here again every day.", "answer": "I've been there too, so many attempts to moderate over the years before I finally gave up.  I'm glad you are back, IWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d1qai4", "comment_id": "ezpks6k"}, {"question": "[Discussion] How to do more and need less?", "description": "Example 1: 'I wish I had a new guitar, then I would certainly play the guitar more often' - instead of just playing the old guitar at all.\n\nExample 2: 'If I could only afford that mountainbike, then I could go biking again' - instead of just riding the non-mountainbike in a non-mountain area.\n\nExample 3: Buying 3 new books while still having a stack of unread books at home and not reading them.\n\nI tend to dream about doing stuff with new/better things I need to buy first, instead of actually doing stuff with the things I already posess. Why do I do this and how do I stop myself from doing it? Why am I never satisfied with what I have? Is this the capitalist brainwashing showing it's effect or am I lazy and only looking for excuses? Any help appreciated!\n", "answer": "This might not exactly solve your problem, but one thing you could try is to give yourself a challenge and use the \"new thing\" as a reward.\n\nFor example, you could say \"If I play my old guitar twice a week for 3 months, I'll get a new one\" or \"If I go biking every other day until Christmas, I'll get the new mountainbike as a gift to myself\"\n\nMake it something long-term so that you develop a habit, and if you skip a day, extend the length of time you have to do it for. That way, if you get in the habit of doing it regularly, you might find that the object wasn't holding you back at all, just your old habits. Plus it'll make you feel like you \"deserve\" the nice thing, and you know you'll actually use it because you've been using the old one. ", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "6ill0y", "comment_id": "dj7fhmg"}, {"question": "I was just reminded of how I first came across this subreddit.", "description": "About a year and a half ago, I came across this image on the front page of reddit. \n\nIt was a meme of the Dos Equis man (you all know him well, I\u2019m sure) and it said something like, \u201cI don\u2019t always take out my recycling\u2026 but when I do, my neighbors probably think I'm an alcoholic.\u201d I laughed so hard at that - OMG, I totally feel that way too! Haha! I\u2019m not the only one who has a zillion bottles to throw away! It was such a light-hearted reaction.\n\nThen I read the comment section\u2026 I don\u2019t even know what this person said, maybe something like \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a valid reason you feel that way. Come to /r/stopdrinking and take our assessment test.\u201d\n\nI came, and started reading the posts. So many things people were saying, I could relate to. Sure, I haven't lost a job, gotten arrested, etc., etc. but I could certainly nod my head in agreement to instantly craving a drink (or 6) when things went wrong, and other common thoughts. That was a scary moment.\n\nSo, I requested a badge.\n\nAnd proceeded to ignore it, getting drunk nearly every night afterwards. Ha... But that's another story for another day, maybe when I make a formal introduction post. I've already written a lot.\n\nDid anyone else come across this subreddit randomly and have a similar \"aha\" moment?", "answer": "Holy shit! I remember that meme and remember having the same reaction. I've been slowing down on my check ins here and I needed this reminder that it's fucked up that I drank all those empty beer and wine bottles. I remember thinking about how I would tell someone \"I had some friends over\" if I ran into a neighbor while taking the trash out. My house was the loudest one on the block on trash day. I remember waking up and hearing those crashing noises of bottles hit the garbage truck and feeling so much guilt. So funny I saw this today. Thank you! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4295z6", "comment_id": "cz8o0ku"}, {"question": "Should I[35M] tell my Wife's[36F] therapist about her Alcohol consumption?", "description": "My wife's alcohol usage waxes and wanes over a given month.  She is currently seeing a Therapist and a Psychiatrist for her social anxiety issues.  At one point in our relationship, after her father passed away she was drinking 6-7 nights a week and by 9:30pm had fallen asleep / passed out on the couch.  I told her I wouldn't have children if she kept up that behavior and she cleaned up her act and cut consumption down to better levels (3 nights a week, maybe one to excess).  She went dry through the pregnancy and during breastfeeding with minimal issues (she was able to quit smoking cold turkey before we got married).  She is a rockstar at self control except when she has a drink.  Once she is slightly buzzed, her consumption rate accelerates, and I have to bargain / share the drink with her to get her to stop.  I used to keep up with her for support immediately following her dad's passing, but as I watched her drink more and more, I had to step away completely from it to lead by example and not enable (though I still enable in someways by inaction).  This morning, I had to work early to solve a critical problem.  I listened to our daughter cry in her crib for 25 minutes while my wife laid on the couch still passed out.  After 5 minutes, I woke my wife up and went back to work, after 15, I came upstairs again and she huffed that she was up.  10 minutes after that I finally here the crying start to die down (my wife must have showered/washed up/possibly thrown up first).  Currently, my wife drinks for 4 nights, and is off for two nights (because I force it).  \n\nI don't know if she speaks honestly with her therapist or psychiatrist about her alcohol consumption.  I am 95% sure, she talks about social anxiety issues related to work and family.  What happens if I tell them about this?  She wants to have another kid, and the thought of it actually makes me cringe / kills my sex drive.  On the bright side, it would be nice to have her not drinking for over a year like last time, but I really wouldn't want it to start right back up.  We have discussed it multiple times but I just can't go it alone anymore.  She is proud of the fact she doesn't drink 7 nights a week anymore and that she has the ability to \"control\" it, but mornings like this are just really rough for me to keep fighting.  She admitted that she \"over did it\" and will she probably will not drink tonight.  I want someone else in my corner encouraging her to continue to reduce the consumption, or eliminate for therapeutic reasons (preferred). \n\n**Edit:** I have never been to the therapist or psychiatrist.  This would be me cold-calling the office.\n\nI need to get back to work and won't be able to respond until later in the afternoon.  \n\nOh, and before it is suggested, **NO, she didn't sneak it during pregnancy/breastfeeding**, and she doesn't sneak it now (with the exception of waiting for me to go to bed so she can \"stay up for a little while watching TV\").  \n\n****Update: **** I have spoken with my wife and she is stepping back from drinking for a while.  I am still debating whether to call her therapist or not.", "answer": "Therapist here. If her therapist has any sort of ethical boundaries, technically she will refuse to speak to you at all, since ethically and legally she is prevented from doing so by privacy laws and confidentiality.\n\nMy suggestion would be to sit down with your wife and suggest a family therapy session, where you can express these concerns, but because your wife is the client, she must be the one to bring this up to the therapist.\n\nNow, if your wife has previously signed a release that allows the therapist to speak with you, THEN you can discuss this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4brxr9", "comment_id": "d1c0r2i"}, {"question": "My boyfriend is a feeder. I hate being overweight. Any hope?", "description": "We have been together for almost 3 years. He confided in me a while back that he was into very fat girls. I have a history of body dysmorphia and eating disorder tendencies so this was very difficult for me to hear. When we first met I wasn't overweight, but I was on the chubbier side at 5'3 and 140 pounds. He used to constantly take me out to eat and brought me my favorite foods and would feed me, and being a binge eater and comfortable with my current size, I enjoyed it and let him. He also constantly grabbed my flab, something I told him over and over that made me extremely uncomfortable and self conscious, and without fail tells me every time I see him \"your butt has gotten bigger!\" And gets excited. But now, I am 30 pounds heavier and hate my body. He has further confided that he not only likes fat girls, but is into feederism and actually enjoys watching someone gain weight and said he'd love if I gained 15 more pounds. I am absolutely against this. We have had several conversations about this and he hates that he has done this to me and is now supporting me in trying to get healthy again and lose the weight. I hate my body and have developed unhealthy eating habits so simply losing weight is not that easy for me. It's become almost like an addiction and I have been trying to lose weight for almost a year but have only lasted a week at best before I binged out. The main issue is that whenever I'm around him, I feel horrible about myself. Our normal routine is to go out to eat whenever we hang out, so that's what we do. Even after saying we would stop. Every \"you're beautiful\" or \"you look great\" translates in my mind as \"you look fat and I love it.\" His complements and genuine affection are like insults and do the exact opposite of what they're intended to do. It's gotten to the point where I can't even be intimidate or have him touch me without being disgusted because I feel he's only so attracted to me because I'm so heavy now. I dread seeing him because it just reminds me of how fat I've gotten and how much resentment I have toward him sabotaging my body. We don't want to end it, but is there any hope of us being happy again? \n\ntl;dr boyfriend is a feeder and likes me fat. I've gained 30 pounds and feel horrible about myself and around him. Can we make it work?", "answer": "you have to do what's best for YOU. if you need to be thinner, and he's a mature guy, it will be fine!!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aa9ly", "comment_id": "dhcyqri"}, {"question": "I'm an Alcoholic", "description": "New around here, so a little background on me. I'm 25, and I've abused alcohol heavily since I was 19. It started off as a weekend thing, then I went to college and it progressed to 2 days, then 3, fast forward and I'm getting drunk mainly on my own as much as I can because I feel empty inside all the time, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. I want last night to be the last time I do it. Never thought I'd admit to being an Alcoholic at 25 but hey, here we are. ", "answer": "Damn I wish I had gotten sober so young. Congrats. \n\nAlso it\u2019s really common for folks with ADHD to end up with addictions if that helps you forgive yourself a little. Are you going to try meetings or anything? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "78rfq9", "comment_id": "dowou57"}, {"question": "I can handle it anymore", "description": "I'm 22 years old, I've had a anxiety and depression all my life. \n\nIt's been impossible to deal with. I've never had a job, I am always feeling sick.  It causes me to throw up all the time. I can't control it at all. I have the worst attacks all the time. \n\nI don't feel human. I can't talk to girls, even watching porn gives makes me nauseo, i have even thrown up watching it a couple times. \n\nI've talked to multiple people about it but they all just say  to take medication and push through it. I can't. I try. The harder I push, the worse it gets. I've struggled really bad many times but this is definitely the worst ", "answer": "As I'm sure most people can tell you on this sub, anxiety can be very very very rough!  Pure hell at times!  Have you ever seen a therapist or considered it?  Meds can be helpful (you'd have to see a psychiatrist for that) to get you over the hump.  The majority of studies show whether it's depression or anxiety, the best results come from a combination of weekly therapy and medication, but if you had to choose one over the other, talking to a therapist without meds yields better results than meds alone.\nEither way, with the proper help and A LOT of hard work, you can reduce your symptoms and get control of your life.  Best of luck!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6wp4n2", "comment_id": "dm9q4b2"}, {"question": "Need help from those with more experience", "description": "TL;DR: This may get deleted for listing my symptoms and asking for help, but I'm posting it anyway because I want to know about others experiences. I don't think my diagnosis is right, and I want to know if what I am going through sounds like anyone else's experience with ADHD and/or other diagnoses. Feel free to read through, and I'd appreciate any words of wisdom that you would like to spare....\n\nOriginal Post: Need a little help. I personally believe that I have BPD & ADHD, my doctor on the other hand thinks it is ADHD and bipolar depression with mostly depressive aspects and mixed-states. I wanted to see what others think, because I feel that I present well, despite what is going on in my head, and I have been told that I don't present like other clients with BPD. I'm going to list out everything I can think of that may apply, then post it in the BPD, bipolar, and ADHD sections to see what people think. Here is everything I can think of:\n\n*Depression  *Suicidal thoughts (every day for at least a year, but has been common throughout my life)  *3 attempts in the past  *Anger, irritability, frustration (frustration being the underlying factor)  *Quickly irritated by stupid things  *Can't handle rejection, or even the thought of rejection, so I've just stopped putting myself out there the last few months  *Complete breakdowns after a breakup, or rejection  *Feel like I have no idea who I am most of the time  *Overreactions to everything (I get frustrated about something stupid and then either yell or view it as just another reason to kill myself)  *Easily distracted  *Always fidgeting  *Very obsessive thoughts  *Impulsive buyer  *Feel empty & that gets better when I'm with someone  *Everything turns into a reason to kill myself eventually, and I've kind of given up on expecting anything good to last  *Cannot maintain a feeling of happiness, or even a feeling of being content  *Rarely will dissociate when angry or upset enough  *I take EVERYTHING personally, even if I shouldn't  *Good personal skills when I know someone well, but cannot form attachments to new people and am frequently told that I \"don't understand social cues\" or that I am \"awkward\"  *Can't stop myself from talking sometimes  *Feel like I'm the scapegoat in every group  *Feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be fixed  *Cannot stop scratching/picking at my head/face, or biting the inside of my mouth  *Usually angry about something, but can't express it in a positive way, so then become suicidal  *Extreme all-or-nothing with friendships and activities  *Will do/say something that seems normal to me, but is viewed as odd  *Will do/say something and then wonder why I did that because I think it was odd  *Genuinely do not see a future for myself in which I can be happy  *Cannot take a compliment, and have difficulty giving compliments  *Uncomfortable in group settings  *Known to binge-eat  *Difficulty being social without drinking/smoking  *Difficulty connecting to people  *Cannot find the mid-ground in anything  *Stubborn  *Emotionally erratic  *Cannot make decisions for the life of me  *Having options leaves me in a state of anxiety  *Get angry, depressed, or suicidal from simply from having to make choices\n\n\nI think that is it. I feel like the physical symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD have been reduced through treatment (currently Vyvanse, TMS, and therapy), and my mood has somewhat improved, but thoughts haven't changed and are pretty ingrained into my personality I think. Things do get better when I'm in a relationship or seeing someone, but that is pretty much the only time I can feel that I am okay with my life, and I tend to get involved with pretty toxic people.\n\n(Disclaimer: I know that soliciting diagnostic advice from reddit isn't advised, but I'm curious as to others' experiences.)\nMay or may not add more to this list if I can think of anything. Probably not going to edit or revise this to make it look nice, only because I'm exhausted and have work to do.\n\nThanks in advance for all your help! ", "answer": "With the rejection sensitivity (which is a hallmark of BPD), there is also a concept called \"rejection sensitive dysphoria\" which can be common with ADHD.  It is associated with experiencing extreme criticism from others.  Google the term to read more about it. I do commend you on your willingness to look at yourself and grow. Just remember that you are doing the best you can and growth is on your terms...even if others are not able to \"get you\".  That just shows THEIR lack of growth and understanding. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "64i179", "comment_id": "dg3fay1"}, {"question": "Keeping busy", "description": "Ok, I am not Suzy Homemaker, but I am handy. When you are bored or stressed out, sometimes all you have to do is get busy doing something. Today, I disassembled my washer and scrubbed the agitator and made sure all my dogs were barking or at least preventing the agitator from going backwards. I won't gross you out with how filthy it was, but it's something you may want to do every decade. It was actually quite fun working with my hands again. I can't even remember what I was bummed about.", "answer": "I can relate tonight! Had an evening slump after an emotionally challenging Friday at work, and I decided to use a bunch of veggies and make vegan matzo ball soup as an experiment for the first time in my life (not a culturally familiar dish) and it totally turned my evening around. A satisfying, productive project can really warm the heart.", "topic": "MadOver30", "post_id": "dgovui", "comment_id": "f3dtux9"}, {"question": "I am 16. Severely depressed. Overwhelmed. And am having the worst anxiety ever.", "description": "So it all started around the beginning of march. It was mainly social triggers. I came out as trans, which was not a good idea. Some people were not accepting. Which created a lot of anxiety. Seriously I cannot sleep anymore. I'm sleeping in class now. Which i never used to do.\n \nAlso, it was around that time that I had quit smoking (vaping) pot. I had no more money left. But it helped greatly with my nerve pain and migraines, etc. Anyways, my anxiety shot through the roof. \n\nSo then I started taking Prozac. Which I've learned has completely made it worse. I am so angry and agitated all the time. And I've been having really weird, crazy, irrational thoughts. Also a lot more depressed. So I've stopped that.\n\nNow my teachers at school are creating problems. They are complete assholes and are not understanding. I have been telling them over and over. I even had a panic attack IN CLASS and they still don't seem to care. \n\nI dont know what to do. I'm struggling. Missing school all the time. I have to wait 5 more weeks to see any doctor, because I live in Alaska, we have shitty mental health care here. We don't have a lot of doctors here (Psychiatry wise)\n\nIts shit. Our health care is shit. My school teachers are shit. Everything appears to be shit. ", "answer": "It would probably benefit you to see a counselor in addition to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can try to help your moods with meds, but can't see you often. A counselor can help you deal with the core of your distress but can also give you pragmatic tips on handling school, teachers, and social stuff. And if need be, can advocate for you.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1dglb5", "comment_id": "c9q8qrs"}, {"question": "After reading this subreddit for so long, I decided to post my story....", "description": "Hello,\n\n\n \n\nI have been smoking and vaping for close to 3 years now and recently I've felt the urge to quit.  I track a lot of my daily activities through day planners so I have gone back to logs from 2014 where I wrote that I needed to quit weed but I just never seemed to kick the habit.  Here's my story, I apologize for the wall of text in advance.....\n\n \n\nAt the age of 21 I began smoking weed out of pure curiosity.  It fascinated me how all of my friends did it.  I wanted to know what it felt like when you got high.  It was wonderful at first!  Everything tasted better.  I had more energy to workout.  I was funnier and more joyous than usual.  I made amazing music and had deep profound insights on a daily basis.\n\n \n\nTime went on and my tolerance increased so I needed to consume more weed or more potent weed to get high.  Thank goodness I had a friend who lived down the street from me that had the highest quality cannabis you could find in the world :)  I began to vape because smoking hurt my throat too much and we only vaped that good shit if you know I mean ;)\n\n \n\nOne day I was at my friends house and he had made some weed cookies.  He had put a LARGE amount of vaped weed in the mixture and he hadn't told me this prior to ingesting them.  As a matter of fact, he told me to eat 2! So I ended up having 2 small but highly potent cookies containing A MASSIVE amount of cannabis.\n\n \n\nThat night I had the first panic attack of my life.  I felt an artificial fear in my body yet in my mind I was contemplating what was causing this fear as I had nothing to be scared of?  I was not in control of my heart rate or muscle movements yet in my mind I was completely calm.  This showed me that the cannabis made me lose control of my body and was inducing anxiety, fear and physiological changes associated with panic.  I now have this feeling every time I smoke but at a way lower level than the initial time it happened.\n\n \n\n\nWhen I was 17 I went through cancer and have been in remission, cancer free since I was 18.  I received chemotherapy for 6 months and got better REALLY fast.  On top of the chemo I ate well, exercised gently and used concentration and visualization to keep my mind strong.  My oncologist was shocked at how my blood counts were higher and stronger than any other young patient or healthy patient he had dealt with.  I was completely determined to get better and was motivated to help others get better once I did. \n\n\n \n\nDuring my illness I did not have much energy so I spent lots of time meditating and playing video games.  I became determined to be the best player in Canada for the game I play (DFO) and I did! I went to the World Championships for DFO in Korea in 2015! I accomplished the goal which I had set for myself so many years ago!\n\n \n\nWhen I got better I faced all of my fears head on and conquered them.  I managed to smash my fear of public speaking by speaking about what I learned from going through cancer at all the high schools in my area in front of groups ranging from 20-800 people.  I became a motivational speaker with the Cancer Society and spoke at their events in my area with no fear whatsoever. \n\n \n\nI also became dedicated to my health and the health of others as well as the prevention/amelioration of illness and injury.  I was inspired to help other people that were sick, and so I began studying Kinesiology and Health Science at my local university at the age of 18.  In my studies I found that meditation, exercise and nutrition were the best tools to help myself and others and they were the tools I was most interested in applying.  Mastering these three things would ultimately prevent illness and remove illness from those who were already sick.\n\n\n \n\nDuring my final years of university we learned about meditation and relaxation exercises.  I had already been lifting weights and eating healthy so meditation was the final piece to the puzzle.  At this time, I had also decided to get a head start in helping people so I took a course in Reiki.  I had always been interested in energy healing and with a daily meditation practice as my assignment in my class, the two went together perfectly :)  I thought giving my hands to someone would be the quickest and most effective way to help someone get better.\n\n \n\nWhen I began placing my hands on others they would have visions, see angels, see Jesus, healings would occur and many other paranormal yet miraculous things happened.  Whatever I visualized, they would see and feel within their body.  I would do distance treatments on people and they would feel whatever I intended to do or what part of their body I was touching.  The results were phenomenal!  I also began to have precognitive dreams on a regular basis.  I would see danger that my loved ones or patients were going to face in their future as well as other things that were going to happen in my day and the days of others. At this time I was still getting high but I had not had the panic attack yet.\n\n \n\nWhen I had the panic attack, I stopped meditating, stopped exercising, started eating bad and uncontrollably, stopped dreaming and started having uncontrollable thinking episodes.  All of the discipline and joy that had surmounted in me has seemed to go up in smoke.  When patients come by for treatments it takes a lot longer for them to get better.  I am losing the love for what I do and I am beginning to doubt everything I do.  I am very negative now and have lost that zest for life which I had after I beat the cancer.\n\n \n\nI am at the point where I don't know if its the cannabis that has resulted in me losing my drive or if I have just lost my drive for doing what I do.  I wake up in the morning sad and wondering what I'm going to do to earn a living and just live through the day.  At night I'm happy to go to sleep because I just might have an insightful dream or one that I could use to help others or I could train in my dreams (I go hard with using the mind to find human potential) but I don't because I smoke before I go to sleep, even though I'm typing out right now that I want to stop.  Its like an endless loop of despair.....\n\n \n\nI feel as if I am depressed and that the cannabis may be playing a part in all of this.  When I am not high, I feel amazing! When I get high, I automatically feel scared and anxious.  I am in the same room and nothing has changed other than myself inhaling vaped cannabis.\n\n \n\nAfter looking through everything I typed I feel so dumb because its clear that I should stop smoking weed.  But I still feel lost......the confusion is killing me!  I have been stressed about how I am going to piece everything that I do together in order to earn a living.  I took a course in buddhist meditation and medical qigong to hone my sensory skills for dealing with patients and a course in Reflexology to help those with foot pain.  Rather than feeling happy and joyful about being in these classes, I feel down and lost.  I don't know if anything I do really helps people.  I doubt the effectiveness of all these things I do now.  I think, even if I go to medical school I'll be filling people with drugs that aren't going to do anything for them anyway.  AND in the end, everyone dies anyway, so what is the point to healing or staying healthy?  More and more people get sick every day and it seems as if my efforts are futile in the long run.\n\n \n\nIs this thinking a result of the cannabis? I never EVER thought like this before.  Or is it a result of the practices I do (meditation, qigong)?  When I was first doing these things I was happy and joyful, now I can't focus as easily and my thoughts run rampant.  Do I stop the cannabis? Or do I stop pursuing health and healing?  I pray everyday for an answer, but have yet to get one direct one.  Or is the fact that I feel cannabis is throwing me off the sign that I should focus on health and healing once again?  I don't know.....Sorry about the wall of text...........\n\n \n\nAny help would be greatly appreciated!\n\n \n\n<3 you all!\n", "answer": "To briefly sum up your post:\n\n-When you started smoking, it was awesome. Then, over time, you began needing more and more Marijuana to get the same results as before.\n\n-You had a very negative experience using - the panic attack - and you continue to smoke even though it sounds like you still have bad side effects. \n\n-Things that used to feel meaningful and bring you joy are no longer enjoyable.\n\n-You've wanted to quit since 2014 but have not been able to do so.\n\n-You feel better when you're not high, yet you continue to use.\n\n\nLooking at all the evidence, do you think you need to quit? It's ultimately up to you to decide, but friend, I will say that it doesn't sound like weed is doing you any favors.", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "45hksk", "comment_id": "czy9lly"}, {"question": "What to expect from a first time \"Psychiatric Consult\" referral from my medical doctor? Already on meds and done CBT.", "description": "- Age: 30\n- Sex: Male\n- Height: 5'10\"\n- Weight: 252\n- Race: White\n- Duration of complaint: 4-5 years\n- Location (Geographic and on body): USA Midatlantic\n- Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Current medications (if any): Escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), Vyvanse (50 mg), and Zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)\n\nHello,\n\nMy medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"Psych Consult\" to a local psychiatric office and I was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.\n\nThe details are as follows, but I can provide more if needed:\n\n- On SSRI, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem (Ambien)\n- Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness.\n- Already on medication, did CBT (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great.\n- About 4 years ago, I gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. The other 4-5 days I eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. This never happened before until about 4 years ago.\n\nMain doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. No explicit goals or other instructions.\n\nI don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but I don't want the Psych to think that I am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.\n\nSo, if I've already done CBT, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward I should expect from the psych or my main doctor?\n\nThanks", "answer": "It probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.\n\nThat said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. That's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. A good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.\n\nPsychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "dx95d1v"}, {"question": "What are the best responses to \"why you're so quiet\"?", "description": "Or the even more obnoxious sarcastic remark, \"you're so loud/rowdy\"? ", "answer": "Quiet rivers run deep.\n\nPassive aggressive: empty vessels make the most noise.\n\nBut honestly, it's all kind of bullshit. Just cuz I'm quiet doesn't mean I have anything profound to say, and just cuz you're jabberin away doesn't mean you're an idiot. But maybe it'll get people to stop calling you out for it.\n\n\n", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "t0kx9", "comment_id": "c4iln0e"}, {"question": "Weird interactions with my therapist today, I'm not sure what I think about it.", "description": "I had my weekly appointment with my therapist today, and we focused on my CSP for the first time since I told her (maybe a month ago). I assume she has never worked with someone else who has CSP since she asked me a bunch of questions. So far so good. But then a couple of things made me feel uneasy. The first one was when she asked me what I think before I pick. I told her that I usually don't really think anything, it's more an automatism (I mean, isn't that why it's compulsive?) when I have anxiety, and her answer was, with an annoyed tone, \"everyone thinks something before doing something, that's human nature\". Ok, maybe she had a bad day? Guess what, me, too, and I'm paying her to get help to figure my sh*t out, not to hear her being annoyed at me. Second thing, almost at the end of the session, she asked me on a scale from 0 to 10, 10 being, the most, how much I wanted to stop picking... Hum? I don't know? I really wanted to feel humiliated so I detailed to someone I don't really know the thing I'm most ashamed of? Well, I guess I'm going to choose 10 then... At that point I got frustrated and told her I wouldn't have told her something I'm deeply ashamed of if I didn't want to stop. \n\nHas anyone had a similarly uncomfortable experience with a therapist (health professional) when discussing you CSP? Am I being unreasonable, or do you also think it was not really appropriate of her to say those things? I think I'm going to give her another week, but it's not the first time she's been not really appropriate (other example off topic: I've been dealing with a possibly coming back eating disorder, and after I told her that I didn't want to decide on a number of calories to eat a day, she basically answered: well, whenever you're ready to be healthy, we can talk about it)\n\nThanks guys!", "answer": "Maybe you're not ready to talk about this yet. A 1-10 scale is common practice to test the waters on a client's readiness to change and asking you to think about what thoughts you have before you pick is also normal. You probably are thinking of something and are not aware of it yet. Like you said, maybe you were having a bad day. Maybe your therapist was as well and you picked up on that. Don't drop her for this one thing. Talk to her about your concerns during the next session. ", "topic": "CompulsiveSkinPicking", "post_id": "4juj0s", "comment_id": "d39u5ak"}]
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+[{"question": "Why killing yourself is justified(if only we had a save/load option in real life)...", "description": "When we are kids, we have no care for the distant future and have crazy fantasies .\nThese fantasies slowly transform into logical aspirations as we move on to the adolescent age.\nWe form intentions for ourselves of being a certain kind of person , who has a certain type of life .\nSome are able to achieve at least some of it. Most just stop caring. A few others remaining suffer.\n\n\n/ / I play this game called Europa universalis 4, a lot. It is a strategy game in which we start our campaign as a country in a real historical-timeline , and we take decisions like attacking or befriending another country. Simple stuff.\n\n\n/ /Many times I get bored with a campaign. It just gets boring and frustrating to keep on playing that campaign. and there is nothing you can do about it.\nSo I go to the game menu and i start a new campaign ,with a different country , different timeline , and this time I do things a little differently.\n\n/\n/\nSometimes in life , you get so far away from what the very core of you wanted to become ,far away from the kind of person you wanted to be , far away from the possibility of following your dreams, that it just doesnt seem worth it.\n\n/\n/\nyes , things can change , but they usually dont ,especially not without any help from the outside.\n/\n/\nLife becomes like that boring EU4 campaign , where the only way to make it interesting is to go back in time and do things differently , which is only possible is you have a save-file you can load or you start a new game.\n\n/\n/\nwhen you dont like who you are , what you are ,and can't help yourself to change , I would rather chose to close the game , if not start a new campaign.\n\n\n/\n/\nLife seems easy when you are not depressed , but real when you are.\nLiving in a constant state of sadness and disappointment is no way to live .\n/\n/\nBesides , you are going to die one day anyways.If you are smart enough to not believe in any religious-god bs , you would understand how much life is destination-less.\n\n/\n/\nI dont want other people to kill themselves , but I won't say that about myself.\n", "answer": "I can relate to most of what you said, and am sorry that you are suffering. :(  Depression, as you stated, is an almost nearly constant state of discontent and lack of pleasure that wears you down day after day. Sometimes it seems like there is no relief in sight. Fortunately, there are things you can do and places you can go for help. There are plenty of professionals out there very skilled in helping others overcome depression. I hope that you can find the right person for you to talk to. \n\nThe comment about being smart enough to not believe in religion tells me something about the negative way you view the world. Don't get me wrong - I don't necessarily believe in God or subscribe to any single religion, but I don't think doing so makes you illogical, silly, or stupid and I don't think I'm superior for not believing. \n\nWe need something to help us find meaning in life. I do believe that we are spiritual beings, so I'd suggest you open your mind to the possibilities. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "3e7rim", "comment_id": "3e7rim"}, {"question": "How to differentiate between politeness and flirting? Girls are confusing", "description": "I could go in depth about my particular situation but I wouldn't make the situation justice.\n\nWhat are the little differences between just being nice and actually dropping hints?\n\nI'm stupid :(", "answer": "Sometimes you can't be sure without trying to escalate things a bit.   Try asking her out to get coffee or something of that nature.   If she's interested, she'll run with it.   If not, she'll be kind of vague about it.  \n\nIf she does accept and the date goes well, ask her out again.   It's the only way to be sure.   Some girls are flirty and talkative by nature, but generally they will give you signals of interest as you try to escalate things as well.   \n\nBeing flaky or evasive is a good sign that she's not interested.   \n", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "50kofk", "comment_id": "50kofk"}, {"question": "Should I take CAE Cambridge exam?", "description": "Hi fellas, got stuck with a question which bothers me now a lot. I'm a school leaver willing to study something connected with IT at university with plans to go abroad then after a while. However, my first language isn't English and I wonder at which rate I should know it for this to be enough for getting a serious job or living in English-speaking country. I presume that my level of knowledge is sufficient for that (passed FCE exam last year and have made some progress towards CAE level already), but my teacher also wants me to take and pass CAE exam. If there are any benefits for non-native English speaker after getting the C2 certificate, what are they? I suppose that for this moment it may be a waste of money, though it appears that I got enough skills to pass it already (some additional crash course is optional - 4 months is left). Shouldn't the B2 certificate with A mark be enough (for?..)? What should I consider to do? Gotta come up with at least some reasonable suggestion before tomorrow's evening, help me out please.\n\nThough I'm struggling with making such a tough decision with all my knowledge, I may still make silly mistakes lol, sorry for the incompetence :D", "answer": "Maybe you could work backwards to find the solution. What level of English proficiency would be expected for a job that you would aspire to apply for?", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "5vsfz3", "comment_id": "5vsfz3"}, {"question": "love vs grad school [28/m]", "description": "Im having a difficult time deciding what my next step is.\nSo, I was accepted to an MA program in English. I have a great advisor, total financial support, and the opportunity to do paid research. The program has a great track record for placement in top twenty phd programs.\nFor the summer, I moved to a city to be nearer to my significant other (SO) and to enjoy urban life before heading to a more remote part of the country for my MA. It's been amazing! I'm working in the creative industry and our love has really been growing. Since being here I've questioned whether or not grad school is right for me now. It's been scary but also exciting to spread my wings a bit and find professional opportunities here. I've been thinking about dropping the school thing for now and trying to pursue creative endeavors (my other passion aside from studying literature) like writing while I'm young. Of course my SO also plays a role in my decision. She said she'd consider doing long distance (I'm a short plane ride away) when I proposed it. But is generally cool on the idea. She'd like me to stay on in aforementioned city. I could spend two weekends out of each month with her, as well as j terms and the summer if we did long distance. But I'm afraid that we'd grow distant.\nIts scary to consider staying on here in the city because I currently have no immediate job prospects and even if I did it would likely not be one of my passions as it certainly won't be a) academics or b ) in writing. But I feel as though it would be an interesting ride and grad school is always there, though this amazing MA opportunity isn't. If I did the MA, I'd stand a better chance at getting back to the city as a PhD candidate. But on the other hand, I could apply to PhD programs here in this city this fall to start next year and turn my back on the MA. I hadn't finished my thesis when I didn't get into PhD programs last year and I now have high school teaching under my belt, which might look good to PhD or Masters programs in this city. In fact, I initially planned to do this MA to up my chances of getting to attend a PhD program in this city--before meeting my SO!\nSo on the one hand, a sure spot and income come fall doing something I love but with an unsure future with my SO and lots of hand wringing at \"what could have been\" not just re SO but also at what kind of career I might have built for myself (safe route) and on the other an exciting young adulthood in an exciting city with my SO for the foreseeable future but still possibly regretting not taking my place this fall at grad school (risky route).\nAnd I have to decide within the week!!\nHas anyone made a similar decision?\nD", "answer": "career is a no brainer. if you are both mature and stable, ld won't be a problem.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qpl2b", "comment_id": "6qpl2b"}, {"question": "16-year-old male soliciting online strangers for sex at the family home", "description": "This is a throwaway account. I am the legal guardian of a 16 yr old male who identifies as gay. He has been in my home since he was 12 and I am legal guardian of his younger sibling. His very best friend approached me today and tearfully revealed that my child has been soliciting much older strangers online and sneaking them into the family home late at night. This friend struggled with revealing this information but was afraid when this friend realized that these were just random hookups that did not even include names being exchanged.\n\nI have taken my child's phone and discovered he has shared our home address with strangers and is advertising himself as available through random apps. My child is also catfishing men pretending to be a female as well and using his biological mother's name to post under. He also has another phone that I did not purchase for him and I had to completely change the internet password to restrict access.\n\nI was a very bad teen myself. I engaged in risky behaviors. It's what teens do, but this seems a bit excessive. I want to make sure he is protected but I also want to make sure his younger sibling is not being placed at risk. Obviously the phone is gone and his playstation. I would like to avoid a kneejerk reaction but I am legitimately worried about strange people trying to get into my home.\n\nMy child has a history of severe physical and sexual abuse.", "answer": "What a scary situation! As far as what you can do at home , it seems like you are on top of it!\n\nAs you know,  he has more going on than just being a \"bad teen.\" You are right that risk taking is normal,  but sexual acting out to this degree is very scary. \n\nWhat kind of support do you have for mental health and other support services ?  Is there a social worker or other point of contact ? Being he is so close to adulthood , it may be worth front loading as much as you can while you have some control .\n\nGood luck , it sounds like you are doing a great job.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fc3nhr", "comment_id": "fc3nhr"}, {"question": "Spiro Withdrawal?", "description": "Hey all,\n\nI am currently out of Spiro (one week now) and cannot get to the doctor to refill my prescription for another two weeks.  I am considering going off of it as I am full paleo/alcohol free/etc. and am hoping my lifestyle will allow me to go off (only because I hate being teathered to daily pills). Does anyone have experience with withdrawal from Spiro? Claire ", "answer": "Oh god, my spiro withdrawal was awful even titrating off slowly. Gained 10 lbs of water weight and felt like my stomach had a layer of jello all around it. Took a month off to feel normal. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "8l3rph", "comment_id": "8l3rph"}, {"question": "Possible Lyme Disease", "description": "Age:42\n\nSex: female\n\nWt: 265\n\nLocation: general body pain/symptoms and I live in NY after moving here from CT 3 years ago. \n\nDuration: about 6 years, symptoms seem to have dramatically increased after the birth of my youngest son(6 years ago) \n\nHx: Gerd, migraines, anxiety \n\nNo medication except recently prescribed cedifinir \n\nCould you please help me decipher these results? I had a western blot for Lyme disease and looks like a positive for IGG bands 41, 58, 63,and IGM band 23 .\n\nPlenty of symptoms for a number of years (joint pain, stiffness, numbness, tingling, headaches, nausea, brain fog, exhaustion) and elevated sed rate (54) and crp (27) which both have increased over the past year. Otherwise normal CBC and Metabolic panel, \nNegative ANA and normal thyroid panels \n\nI also have been having persistent painful enlarged lymph nodes in my underarms that first were detected on mammogram in 2017. ( thankfully biopsy negative for cancer). Recent ultrasound  f/u this month shows enlarged nodes without suspicion of malignancy, largest greater than 4cm, likely reactive. \n\nI had a negative chest X-ray this month and a essentially normal brain MRI (due to the headaches and to f/u a \u201cnondescript white matter hyperintensity 6mm, no change) \nMy pcp has sent me to a rheumatologist who has prescribed antibiotics ( cedifinir) for 3 weeks to see if the sed rate comes down and to determine if we will be on the right track. Neither doctor has positively said I have Lyme disease. I appreciate your help and time.\nI read conflicting info online regarding what criteria is needed to determine if someone has Lyme disease. (Number and type of positive bands needed) \nI guess I am asking if it looks like I do Lyme disease.", "answer": "The CDC standard is 5 IgG bands. You can find conflicting advice, but much of it is from the pseudo-medical chronic Lyme disease community. I am not an infectious disease doctor, but the simple standard is no, what you describe is probably not Lyme. It's not unreasonable to treat for a normal length of time (3 weeks) and see if it helps, though.\n\nIt sounds like a rheumatologist would be the right person to see.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsnryv", "comment_id": "bsnryv"}, {"question": "Can any autoimmune disease affect hiv test results?", "description": "Age\\- 20\n\nSex\\- Male\n\nWeight\\- 70kg\n\nLets say the sexual exposure was 3 years ago and i tested for hiv now \\(it came out negative thankfully\\) would an autoimmune disease affect test results though?", "answer": "In a word, no.\n\nIn a few more words, autoimmune disorders are more likely to cause false positives or unclear results, but even that is extremely rare. Immunodeficiency disorders \\(IgG deficiency, for example\\) might cause false negatives for antibody tests, but antigen tests would still be positive, and an immunodeficiency disorder that serious would almost certainly be known already.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8m8hec", "comment_id": "8m8hec"}, {"question": "A Little Help?", "description": "Hi everyone, I do not know if this is the place to post this to sorry if it's in the wrong place or it's long winded, but I just want to give context...\n\nI have many mental health issues, including bipolar disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. My family has a long history of alcoholism and addiction. Recently, I have noticed my marijuana smoking to be more erratic than usual. I have never had a problem before. But I've smoked everyday, up to 3-4 times a day for about 3 months now, and just smoking more and more because my tolerance is getting so high. Usually when my tolerance starts to get high I just stop smoking entirely for a few months, no problem.\n\n But this time it's different. I cant stop. I tried to replace it with cigarettes, cigars, vapes to no avail. When I tell myself I'm stopping, that time was the last time, I immediately have very strong cravings. Most of the time I can't stop myself at all, I end up making some excuse. \n\n I'm worried if I stop I will manage to replace it with something much worse (e.g. alcohol, Xanax). I am also worried about having to stop completely due to tendency to addiction, as I do use marijuana for severe pain because I am allergic to opioids, as well as PTSD because I cannot be perscribed benzos due to the bipolar disorder.\n\n I think the reason cigars and vaping didn't help curb my cravings (as they usually do) because this time I am no longer smoking for fun or for one of my medical issues, I am smoking because I am very depressed and going through a really rough time right now, and I'm doing it to feel numb. So if I haven't smoked, I feel the pain. \n\nSo now I'm pretty certain I'm catching potential substance abuse early. Knowing my mental state + family history it could easily spiral out of control if I'm not careful. I feel so scared and uncertain and I have no idea what to do. \n\nI do NOT have a good support system at all, and I can barely take care of myself due to a horrible combination of mental illness, physical disability, and being a college student. So already barely being able to function and feeling like now I need to tackle another issue I've created for myself is very overwhelming. \n\nI have no idea what to do in this situation and I am feeling very scared and I guess I just would like any kind of advice, guidance, tips, tricks, resources, anything to put me on the track going up...\n\n\nTL;DR: Caught substance abuse early. Need help stopping it now and making sure it doesn't happen again in the future. ", "answer": "I also have struggled with mental health issues which I tried to self-medicate. I got sober in Marijuana Anonymous and it saved my life. You can check out their website for more information and to see if there are meetings in your area:\n\nhttps://www.marijuana-anonymous.org\n\nThere are also online and phone MA meetings every day. Here on Reddit check out r/leaves, they get the weed thing too.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7z0dp2", "comment_id": "7z0dp2"}, {"question": "I\u2019m obese, but have been told by a mental health team and my doctor to stop losing weight. I don\u2019t agree. I am being helped in dealing with an eating disorder, but feel like the \u201ctreatment\u201d is tailored towards underweight/normal weight people, and they all aren\u2019t considering my context. Am I wrong?", "description": "Female. In my 20s. 177cm. 97kg (214lbs). Diabetic type 2 and hypertension, but both managed with lifestyle now and don\u2019t need meds for them. I take escitalopram 20mg. Been on and off other anxiety meds lately - I stop them due to fear of weight gain. \n\nLost 60kg (132lbs) since July, most of it since August through quite severe calorie restriction. Recently started purging too. Yada yada yada. I know I have an eating disorder, and I am trying to get help. \n\nBut the thing is, my doctor sent me to a mental health team for help (I didn\u2019t get much of a choice but wasn\u2019t too against it, I wanted help for my anxiety more but they are focused on my eating). Initially saw a psychiatrist, diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa (atypical coz I\u2019m obese obviously). \n\nAfter seeing the psychiatrist, I went back to my gp and she told me that they said I needed to stop losing and maintain my weight. They didn\u2019t mention this to me and I was confused. \n\nAnyway, I see a psychologist there every week now. He said last time with the therapy and treatment, the aim is for me not to lose or gain, but maintain the weight.\n\nI just don\u2019t get it. I\u2019m still overweight by a lot. Which is unhealthy. Isn\u2019t it wrong of them to not want me to lose weight? I know I\u2019ve been doing it in an unhealthy way and my mental heath isn\u2019t great, but can\u2019t I work on this with their help and still lose weight in a healthy way at the same time? I really do not want to stop losing weight for any amount of time. And I\u2019m not underweight. I need to lose weight. \n\nI have a feeling this is their standard treatment for people with eating disorders. But for someone like me who is overweight, shouldn\u2019t it be altered to support healthy weight loss still? Or am I wrong?\n\nThe psychologist also said something about \u201cset weight\u201d and many factors can influence a weight range normal for each individual, and I might be in mine. But that sounds crazy to me. They want me to stay obese? I\u2019ve been obese my entire life, and I\u2019ve only started doing something about it last year. I\u2019ve been able to come off various meds and my blood tests were great (recent). I\u2019m not dying or anything from this \u201c eating disorder\u201d, so I also feel a bit dumb getting help. But at the same time I do want help to stop some of the behaviours I\u2019m doing and the obsessive food and calories stuff. \n\nBut basically, are they going about this the wrong way? Or am I wrong?\n\nAny insight helpful, especially from any medical professionals or people with experience in these areas.\n\nEdited to add: Thanks for all the comments, I do appreciate people taking them time to comment. Part of me knows you\u2019re all correct, just another part of me is struggling to accept this and finding it hard. I have an appointment at the place with the psychologist today, and an appointment with my GP in a few days, so I may voice my concerns so they\u2019re aware.", "answer": "Others have covered this well, but I want to reiterate: having a particular BMI, even if it is higher than recommended, is a potential long-term problem. That increases the likelihood of health problems eventually. Extreme caloric restriction and especially purging are acute problems. They can kill you now.\n\nIt makes sense that the first intervention is to try to manage your eating disorder, because without that everything else is like trying to manage high blood pressure while you are on fire. Your weight is not the right priority because it's not the high-risk, high-acuity problem you face. You say you're not dying or anything from this eating disorder; the problem is that you can start dying *very quickly.*\n\nIt makes sense to address your eating disorder first, and then potentially address healthy and sustainable weight loss later if necessary.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fcastk", "comment_id": "fcastk"}, {"question": "Where can I get Social Skills training?", "description": "Reading about social skills is only doing so much for me.\n\nAre there any useful classes, retreats, coaches or whatever that can *teach* these things from skilled instructors?", "answer": "I've offered [social skills coaching](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/social-skills-coaching) for the past few years. I might be able to help you out :)\n\nAlso, a professional therapist will have a lot of tips and tricks that can help you be more social. So looking into therapy could be a good option for you, too.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3bw6hs", "comment_id": "3bw6hs"}, {"question": "No one takes ADHD serious lol", "description": "\u201c I think I have it too, I\u2019m always on my phone\u201d, \u201c so do you like beat kids up randomly\u201d, \u201c is it an excuse to get extra time in tests?\u201d, \u201c how come your so calm\u201d. Do these statements sound familiar, I bet they do.", "answer": "[stigma of adhd is real](https://simplypsychedu.com/2019/11/06/in-case-you-were-wondering/)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ds3cs0", "comment_id": "ds3cs0"}, {"question": "My husband does not want to lose his drinking buddy.", "description": "I have been trying to quit drinking for six months now but my husband is kind of sabotaging me. He gets home from work before me and always has a glass of wine poured for me even when I have said \" I'm not drinking tomorrow or I'm not drinking during the work week.\"  Two years ago I managed to quit for three months when we had completely opposite schedules and days off. But he got a different job expressly so we could spend time together and things went right back to the usual nightly drinking. He stridently claims that we don't drink as much as a lot of people to which I say so what? I don't care how much other people drink. I don't know what I'm asking but if anyone else has had this experience I would love your feedback . ", "answer": "While my husband didn\u2019t pressure me to drink, there was no way I could quit if he didn\u2019t. I always felt he drank way too much; I knew I had a problem, too, but not like him. \n\nI ended up separating from him after I\u2019d given him 3 6-month heads up that he needed to quit or I was out and the drinking just continued. \n\nI separated from my husband because he was an alcoholic; I divorced him because *I* was. \n\nYes, I drank less but I was about a hundred and 20 pounds lighter than him and am a woman. My drinking was going to kill me a hell of a lot faster. \n\nWhen I finally quit I realized I could never be with someone who drank\u2014I didn\u2019t need him to pressure me, because the simple presence of booze in the house and the enabling influence of an active alcoholic was all I needed. After six months of separation it was clear he wasn\u2019t going to quit and the decision was a clear one. \n\nI hope your situation doesnt end like mine. Be clear about your intentions and about what you need in order to quit. That\u2019s all you can control as long as you are together. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "74eazn", "comment_id": "74eazn"}, {"question": "Can I ask a girl to prom without knowing her well?", "description": "Basically the title, is it weird if I just approach her and ask? Should I ask her on another date first? Prom\u2019s coming up soon and Im quite nervous to find a date.", "answer": "Without knowing her well?  Certainly.  Without knowing her at all?  I wouldn't.  \n\n\nYou're not asking her to be your one and only till death do you part.  You need a date for the prom.  She may need a date for the prom.  \n\n\nSo long as you've actually talked to her on a few occasions, nothing wrong with asking her.  \"Hey, do you have a date to prom yet?  Would you want to go with me?\"  \n\n\nIf she says no, ask somebody else.  If you're not currently dating anyone, consider asking a friend.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bbmff9", "comment_id": "bbmff9"}, {"question": "How do you break up with someone who is not expecting it?", "description": "My GF [28F] and I [28M] have been together for 3 1/2 years. \n\nHer expectations are to get a house and get married in the next couple of years - completely normal. But, I am rather hesitant about this and overtime have realised that this is not what I want. \n\nI\u2019ve been deliberating the future of our relationship for the past 1 1/2 years (almost breaking up, periods of long distance when I had to work abroad, and periods of me being in hospital thrown in the mix). During all of this, she has been amazing but I think I have finally realised it is best if we break up, and sooner rather than later.\n\nWe are both non-confrontational and hesitate talking about things that may rock the boat. So we have just played along, had fun with each other and kept each other happy day-to-day. So on the surface, and from her perspective our relationship is going well at the moment.\n\nI\u2019d say that she loves me more than I love her, she is the driving force of the relationship, and recently has been hinting strongly at moving up the gears. \n\nI do care for her very much and think she is an amazing person, but overall I feel this is the best option for the both of us in the long run. \n\nSo my question is: how do I break up with her in the most humane way when she isn\u2019t expecting it?\n\nThanks in advance :)", "answer": "\u201cI\u2019ve realized that I don\u2019t want to be with you. No, there\u2019s nothing you can do to change my mind. I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d\n\nIt will blow everything to smithereens in short order. \n\nNext time, let her know 14-18 months ago when she could have responded to it somehow. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "804pji", "comment_id": "804pji"}, {"question": "How to get my calorie intake?", "description": "I\u2019ve been suffering from my anxiety more than usual recently and having problems with eating enough food. \n\nWhat can I eat little of, or use techniques to get my recommended calorie intake? Or do I just need to take my fears head on? I\u2019m afraid of losing weight.", "answer": "Definitely try to work on the anxiety so you can get back to a more normal diet... but I recommend Ensure Plus. They're nutrition shakes that are 350 calories per little bottle. They've helped me out in situations where I couldn't get myself to eat.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "h8wts9", "comment_id": "h8wts9"}, {"question": "Saw a picture of a girl on Facebook, thought she was pretty, then realized she was a minor", "description": "So. I saw some picture of a girl on Facebook that was linked by someone else. It was an old picture. My initial reaction was that shes pretty, although I wasnt sure of her age. Could have been 17, 18, 16...sometimes its hard to tell.\n\nAnyway, that girl is now like 21 and the picture is from five years ago, meaning shewas 15-16....now I am terrified that I had a genuine reaction to that picture and theres something wrong with me. Things I do now are contaminated by the possibility...like if I write an email it is contaminated...", "answer": "There is nothing we are going to say here that will make anything logical to the point that you won't feel bad anymore.  If we do, then we helped you do a compulsion. \n\nThe best thing you can do is accept that your body may have reacted, and that you may have found her attractive, and that despite your intention or desire to avoid being a pedophile, you may be one or become one. But, like murderers, you aren't one until you take a distinctive act, which you have not done. Give yourself the permission to have thoughts like everyone else, then get on with your life. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6qncpz", "comment_id": "6qncpz"}, {"question": "BPD and NPD Comorbidity?", "description": "So, I've read that apparently 25% of people who have borderline personality disorder also have narcissistic personality disorder. Can someone, ideally someone with personal experience, explain to me how this is possible? The two seem like completely diametrical disorders. Someone with BPD has an unstable identity, someone with NPD has a very rigid (if entirely false) identity (right?). People with BPD frequently feel inferior, people with NPD feel superior.\n\nHow can they coexist within one person?", "answer": "Although this itself is a simple answer as well.... you're oversimplifying the diagnoses of BPD and NPD a good deal here.  While what you said can be true sometimes of those individuals, what you've stated is more of a simplified stereotypical view and it's not so dichotomous.  \n\n\nIn order to be diagnosed with a disorder, you need to meet certain diagnostic criteria.  The diagnostic criteria for the two disorders can certainly overlap and don't preclude each other.  If you'd like to know more, simply look up the DSM-V diagnostic criteria for each disorder.    \n\n\nThese two fall into what we call cluster b personality disorders because there is a lot of overlap.  In many cases, someone may not meet criteria for an official diagnosis of on particular disorder but exhibit various symptoms from various disorders within the cluster.  \n\n\nUsually over time a clinician zeroes in on one diagnosis.  While it's certainly possible to have both of these diagnosed at the same time, I don't believe it's very common.  \n\n\nRemember too.... a diagnosis is the clinician's best guess at what's going on.  It's not clear cut like a doctor looking at an X-ray and saying you have a broken bone.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8vkkd9", "comment_id": "8vkkd9"}, {"question": "I (M22) am feeling like an empty shell who just adapt to whatever its around me but dont really enjoy anything", "description": "First at all, im not a native english speaker so feel free to ask if something is not clear enough or  if i miswrite it. Also, thanks for anyone who read :)\n\nWell, I dont really know how to start to describe the confusion I have with myself and I dont want to create a long post, so I think I will focus in the things I can remember.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nI think my main problem is lack of motivation. Right now I started to work in a tech company and finished my computer science career, so I am doing okay in that matter even if I am just following the stream of what I have in front of me (the company was the one I did the internship, so no real effort for my part).\n\nThe thing is, I get bored of everything, people included. I really dont dislike people but eventually I drop a group of people and later will get in another.\n\nI dont know why and when I think about it I cant get nothing clear. This applies with games also, but I dont think this is really important. Afterall, there is a lot of games and its not like I cant get another hobbie when I burn it.\n\n​\n\nAnother of the problems I have is my personality. If you ask some of my friends (IRL or online) I think they will describe me like a calm, shy and lazy person. Im okay with that because I try to \"pleasure\" anyone and see conflicts like a waste of time. My personality changes a lot in differents groups of friends but I dont really enjoy social activities. I think the only \"real\" thing in my personality at this point is my love for cats haha.\n\n​\n\nI tried reading a lot about different mental disorders but because a lot of symptoms are common and I am not a expert in that matter I didnt get anything useful. Also disorders test which I think are vague and not worth it.\n\nFinally, the advice that I need is a hint of whatever its affecting me because going with this to a psychologist only will get me a standard advice of \"dont worry, be happy, you are your, etc...\"", "answer": "I\u2019m admittedly biased coming from a mental health background but I would still recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. You may have a diagnosis and you may not, that doesn\u2019t really matter and it\u2019s actually very common for people to seek therapy for all the reasons you\u2019re describing. A therapist who tells you to \u201cjust be happy\u201d would not be a good one and in my option should not even exist. Either way, finding someone (professional or not) to just talk about these things in a nonjudgmental way can help you see new perspectives or get ideas of new things to try. A lot of other advice I could see would be making small changes like changing up your environment and trying new hobbies. If that feels too daunting make changes even smaller like moving things in your room, taking a 5 min walk, etc. I also think that it\u2019ll be important to be kind and patient with yourself, easier said than done but just keep yourself on course", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "hpzp3t", "comment_id": "hpzp3t"}, {"question": "Anyone try high intensity exercise (HIT)?", "description": "I've seen studies indicate HIT in particular will not only improve insulin sensitivity, but may raise the resting metabolic rate which will dramatically increase the amount of calories your body burns at rest throughout the day.\n\nAnyone have any personal experiences with HIT? How did it impact your PCOS symptoms and/or weight?", "answer": "I used to do HIIT and when I stopped I finally lost all the weight I had gained as well as my belly fat. I guess increasing muscle mass is helpful for insulin resistance, but for me it just raised my cortisol levels by a lot (to the point that the doctors were questioning cushings).", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4agdk6", "comment_id": "4agdk6"}, {"question": "AA - A shift in perspective", "description": "For a long while I've viewed AA a working the steps, and that's pretty much it.  The rest of it - fellowship, meetings, etc. - were nice but were more additions to my recovery than anything else.  The steps is what mattered most.\n\nTonight I had a very illuminating group session an my inpatient treatment.  Our counsellor told us the results of various studies done on alcoholics and sobriety.  The #1 key to maintaining abstinence is social support.  The steps are a guide to spiritual growth, but many people stay sober without ever touching them.\n\nThe importance of meetings is not to gain more insight to work the steps better, but to stay in contact with old friends and make new ones.  Along the way I can also get the chance to help someone else along their recovery.\n\nThis has been an interesting bit of information for me.  It's incredible how much my views on recovery shift the more I know.\n\nHow have your views changed as you get on in your recovery?  Or what do you think makes successful recovery?\n\nI hope everyone is having a great sober 24 hours!\n\n", "answer": "I've been thinking on what I thought about this for a few minutes, but I don't know if my thoughts on it are particularly organized just yet, so forgive me in advance. Also I speak only for myself here.\n\nI've had the opposite change in perspective almost. As I've gone through the program I've found that the steps became increasingly important to me. I also don't think it can be compartmentalized all that much as the program was made to work in harmony with itself all of the things set forward are important to sobriety. \n\nThat being said, I like to believe as I've come through the program I've find myself less focused on my sobriety. I've really taken to the book in the idea of helping others. I am trying to reach my ideal where I can be selfless regardless of the fact that my original motive for that selflessness was selfish itself. That motive being sobriety and removal from the sick cycle of alcoholism. The only way I know to achieve the ideal I seek is to work the steps and continue to grow spiritually. My sobriety has become less in the forefront of my mind as I've gone through and had the obsession removed and gotten into working with others. However, if I'm to go by the book, which I typically do, I know that the removal of the obsession is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. So if I were to maintain my sobriety without the steps and the obsession were to return I'd imagine that it would get real tough real quick(Not trying to insinuate that's what you're doing).\n\nI'm also a big advocate of if it ain't broke don't fix it. I have seen so many statistics on alcoholism and recovery, but none of them make a difference to me. I don't have tangible proof of sobriety through social support, because I don't know what's going on with anyone outside of myself. That doesn't mean it's not true, but I have found a way of life through working the steps that has given me sobriety, happiness. and most importantly a purpose. I no longer actively detract from society. In fact I attempt to better it through working with others. The twelve steps have filled a hole in my life that I could never imagine would be filled.\n\nIt's strange to look back at the last few months and say, \"Wow, my sobriety has not been in my mind nearly as much as helping someone else has. That is an incredible feeling for me, one I embrace. The only way I could get to that point is through the steps.\n\nAgain only speaking for me. I know some people are really touchy about the enforcement of beliefs upon people, and that is not at all my goal. I simply wanted to give my input.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jzvtj", "comment_id": "1jzvtj"}, {"question": "I\u2019m 190 days sober and shits starting to get real....", "description": "After a 20+ year spree, during which my wife of 17 years and two teenage daughters have never seen me sober, I reached out for help. Somewhere between my 3rd meeting and my 100th prayer, the obsession to drink was lifted! I was set free and started finding myself in the company of fellow AA\u2019s everyday of the week. At one month in, I found a great sponsor. I hit 90 in 90, grabbed a home group AND two separate service commitments. (Set up/coffee maker and group secretary). \n\nMy family life has improved including trust issues and intimacy  with my wife. Recently though, my youngest daughter (age 13) has started manipulating and lying the way I used to.  My wife is being pushed to her limit because I did this same thing to her for our entire marriage. (We have separated several times in the past because of it). But all of my wife\u2019s anger is seemingly a combination of dealing with my bullshit for so long in addition to my daughter\u2019s new habit. \n\nI talk to my daughter about the way lying will make you feel if you keep it up. But she has already started believing her own lies. Even when caught red-handed. I\u2019m worried because that\u2019s how I started out. And by age 14, I was already experimenting with drugs and alcohol as an escape from my feelings. \n\nBut worse yet is my wife\u2019s situation. I understand where she is coming from but I\u2019m not really enjoying the fact that she is seemingly holding my past over my head. Ugh....I feel ashamed for how I behaved but I\u2019ve learned that our past can be our greatest assets in the future if we can learn from, and change our behaviors. \n\nI\u2019m currently working through steps 2&3, which are not really coming naturally to me to be honest. But I am willing to believe. I know that God (my HP) will see this through along side with me. I\u2019m just struggling to see how/when/etc....\n\nPatiently I will wait. I will be humble and I will trust that God will show me a way. \u201cThy will not mine be done\u201d", "answer": "Glad to hear your wife is trying Al-Anon. As they talk a lot about in that fellowship, alcoholism is a disease that affects the entire family. I would really encourage you all to try family therapy as well, it's one of the biggest ways you will be able to help your daughter. Your kids have lived their entire lives with you drinking, and your family has never existed before in sobriety. It's a monumental change for everyone and really worth getting outside help on.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "eytj6v", "comment_id": "eytj6v"}, {"question": "What's your favorite La Croix?", "description": "I just tried the passionfruit and I love it. Originally it was the peach-pear. How about y'all? ", "answer": "Coconut. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "43q7y3", "comment_id": "43q7y3"}, {"question": "Therapist invited me to his church and I don't know what to do", "description": "His intentions are good but it makes me kind of uncomfortable.  I'm an agnostic and haven't set foot in a church in years.  He knows this.  I don't know anyone that goes there except him and I have a professional relationship with him.  It seems like it would be awkward to see him in a different setting.  Plus being in a strange new place with lots of people makes me anxious.  On the other hand he has gone out of his way to help me including spending all night with me at the hospital while waiting for a psych bed and he's been to my home twice now.  He's my crisis counselor and not my regular therapist and right now I'm under an outpatient court order that he could revoke at any time.  Ugh, it's so complicated.", "answer": "This is probably unethical behavior on the crisis counselor's part, though well intentioned I'm sure.  It creates a dual relationship.", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4icwxy", "comment_id": "4icwxy"}, {"question": "Couples therapist wants to see only me now", "description": "My boyfriend \u201cAndrew\u201d and I (31M and 32F) recently started couples\u2019 counseling (last Saturday). Because of social distancing, our first session was on Zoom. Then the therapist said he\u2019d meet with us individually in the next week and then have us all come back together for another session following that. \n\nMy boyfriend and I have each had our individual sessions now, through Zoom, of course, and yesterday I got an email from our therapist saying that he thinks it\u2019s best if he works only with me for the foreseeable future. I\u2019m super confused; I actually am seeing an individual therapist separately already, for childhood abuse, anxiety, and depression. We were starting to see this counselor to help our relationship, but if he meets only with me I feel that defeats the purpose. I told my partner and he doesn\u2019t seem too bothered by the therapist meeting only with me. \n\nWhat would be a therapist\u2019s reasoning for meeting with only one partner and almost considering couple\u2019s counseling an afterthought? I\u2019m thinking either I must be causing all the problems \u2014 that can\u2019t be true, though \u2014 or there\u2019s some good reasoning in a therapist\u2019s training, or he\u2019s not a good therapist. Does anyone have any opinions? Thank you!", "answer": "There is no way to know for sure until you talk to him,  but I have some ideas. I seriously doubt it is anything negative about you.\n\nIf there is any abuse or control in the relationship,  DV-literate marriage therapists know not to see the couple until the abusive partner is engaged in DV work .\n\nAnother possibility is that if your partner is dealing with something that is out of scope for the therapist - such as addiction,  for example,  the therapist may not be able to treat you as a couple .\n\nIn these cases,  it is common for the therapist to see only one person.  In these scenarios,  that is typically ethical practice .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggh5s5", "comment_id": "ggh5s5"}, {"question": "Paranoia Help?", "description": "I've recently been struggling with paranoid thoughts, for which I was hospitalized for my own safety. I do not feel suicidal anymore, however everyday is a long struggle of thinking everyone is an undercover agent out to get me or keep tabs on what I'm doing. I was hoping to hear some tips and stories if anyone else has dealt with similar thoughts and overcome them? Or are they something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life? Thanks in advance", "answer": "Paranoid thoughts are scared thoughts, justified or not. If you ignore the specific content of the thoughts and focus on the emotional valence (scared), is there something you can do in those moments to feel safer?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6bsjuw", "comment_id": "6bsjuw"}, {"question": "Posting one more time hoping for some help. Discomfort during ejaculation, abdominal pain, and digestive problems. Please help", "description": "Age: 28\n\nSex: Male \n\nSmoke?: Yes\n\nHeight: 5'8\"\n\nWeight: 185 pounds\n\nRace: Hispanic\n\nDuration of Complaint: about 4 years\n\nGeographical location: New York City\n\nLocation of issue: Left side of pelvis slightly above hipbone. Front.\n\nExisting relevant medical issues: IBS, Anxiety, Panic attacks, ADHD\n\nCurrent medication: dexedrine 20mg daily taken if needed, clonazepam 0.75\n\n\nSo i have been having this medical issue for about three to four years and it has been seriously affecting my life. I have been suffering from abdominal pain for some time now. The pain is mainly located around the lower left of the abdomen. Symptoms include bloating, abdominal pain, and a feeling like i don't have a full bowel movement when i go to the bathroom. \u00a0Also, everytime I ejaculate i get a sense of discomfort on the lower left side of the abdomen. The more i ejaculate the more the the greater the discomfort. Sometimes this discomfory radiate to my lower back on the left side. Recently i also started noticing that sometimes when i urinate, there are traces of a white substance that resembles semen. This also happens when i have a bowel movement and I even notice some of that white substance in the stool. \n\nWent to the doctor about 2-3 years ago and have gotten an endoscopy and colonoscopy. The endoscopy showed that i had IBS, the colonoscopy came back perfect. I have also gotten sonograms, CT scan and MRI test. Only thing that came up on the MRI is a left parapelvic cyst.\n\nThis has been affecting my social and dating life because i never feel like going out if i got that abdominal pain and feeling half constipated. I decided that this year i will get to the buttom of the issue and see what can be done about it because I cant see myself living like this. So i wanted to ask the doctors of reddit their opinion on the matter. Could this be a gastrointestinal issue, An issue with my renal/prostate/sexual system, or could they both be related. What are your recommendation and what should I do? \n\nI appreciate any advice and thanks in advance for taking your time to answer my post.\n\n\n\n", "answer": "This seems like a problem that really requires physical examination and/or imaging to solve. Not much I can do through the internet I'm affraid.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b72h78", "comment_id": "b72h78"}, {"question": "bulimia recovery: acne", "description": "hey guys, i\u2019m new to reddit but the main reason why i got one is to hopefully find a community that understands the struggle of bulimia/efforts to recover. I\u2019ve had bulimia for almost a little over 2 years. Im 17 going to be 18 and i\u2019m just about to start college. The longest time i\u2019ve gone clean was almost 8 months before i relapsed. Now i\u2019m trying again and i\u2019m about a week and a half in I think. I just wanted to know if anyone else who is in the early stages of recovering/has gone through it have dealt with severe cystic acne while recovering? My main question is, is this a \u201cgood sign\u201d that my body is trying to get its hormones under control again? Will my skin ever become clear again as long as I stop purging from now on and allow my body to internally heal, as slow as it may be? Please let me know! Thank you:)", "answer": "This may be of help: http://your-eatopia.squarespace.com/blog/2015/12/3/acne-in-recovery-i-know-lets-just-cut-out-food-groups", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "95jrmd", "comment_id": "95jrmd"}, {"question": "Metformin and HSG test", "description": "I take metformin twice a day and am scheduled to have an hsg test on Wednesday. I know that you are not supposed to take Metformin before having the test because it interferes with the dye. I asked my doctor if I should stop the metformin before the test and he said no. This sounds really weird to me. I have no issues with kidneys and no pass reactions with dyes. What are your experiences with this? Should I call doctor again?", "answer": "are you talking about a hysterosalpingogram? I'm not a doctor but I did look at uptodate (a resource docs often use) and it doesn't say anything about needing to stop metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3t01bh", "comment_id": "3t01bh"}, {"question": "Daily Check-in Thread - October 18, 2018", "description": "Welcome to the /r/quittingkratom daily check-in thread. Feel free to post as many updates as you\u00b4d like :). You may also visit our new reddit chat room\nwww.reddit.com/chat/r/quittingkratom.", "answer": "Jesus Christ I\u2019m glad you\u2019re done with it. I have Oxys from a surgery and a ton of kratom here and I have zero interest in going near them. I can\u2019t wait to just throw all this shit out. Day 3 has by far been the hardest. Thanks for the words of encouragement! Hope you are well now!", "topic": "quittingkratom", "post_id": "9p6wys", "comment_id": "9p6wys"}, {"question": "My (M24) girlfriend (F24) wants to move in together but I'm not sure....", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been dating for just shy of 2 years at this point and our leases are over in November. She brought up the idea of moving across town and getting an apartment together but I am really not sure about it.\n\nWe have a great relationship, loving, supportive, really, truly, we click. The problem is that I really like having my space. \n\nThat's not to say I don't want to move in with her eventually but that wasn't in the plans for at least another year.\n\nAt what point in your relationship was it time to move in together? We're there signs? A certain amount of time together? \n\nTLDR: when is it time to move in together and when did you know? ", "answer": "after 2 years people are usually ready for the next step. you have to ask yourself what you really feel and want from this rel. and be honest with her if there's no future.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b3xnq", "comment_id": "6b3xnq"}, {"question": "I celebrated 41 years of sobriety in AA on October 29th", "description": "I\u2019m so grateful to AA for having saved my life and for having given me a guide to living. I was 23 when I started my AA journey on 10/29/1978 and I\u2019m 64 now. I\u2019ve had such a rich life and if I had continued drinking I know my life would have been a complete waste.", "answer": "Since joining AA I went to college and studied engineering, got married had kids and in my 50\u2019s changed careers to social work. After working in a substance abuse treatment center for 6 years I am now a psychotherapist. What a strange trip it\u2019s been.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "dpv6n7", "comment_id": "dpv6n7"}, {"question": "Job Offer", "description": "I've been with a company in the field that I want to be in for seven months in an entry level $35k/yr. I've received accolades from my managers and many compliments from guests and even a raise about five months in. I received a call from my former employer yesterday and they offered me a position as a District Manager. Pay starting at 65k/yr but it's a place that I didn't like working for at all. Very cutthroat and stressful, and my new role is the exact opposite. I feel like the only reason that I would take it is because of the money. I asked a couple people about it and one suggested that I'd be exceedingly good in the new role but possibly not exceedingly happy. \n\n\nI feel like I'm in a good place of growth right now but I'm not sure which way to go. ", "answer": "You've answered your own question.  If you are happy with where you are and are not having money problems then why not stay and be happy?  Personally I'd rather be happy with less money then stressed/unhappy with more money.  Besides if your are unhappy all the time you won't be able to enjoy the money!  It is unfortunate that we all need money to live in this world but I know when you are old looking back, you want to look back on the happy life you had.  Not the unhappy but prosperous life.  As you gain experience you will make more money eventually. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "48yb2g", "comment_id": "48yb2g"}, {"question": "What sort of professional should I seek out for suspected repressed memories?", "description": "Hi r/mentalhealth,\n\nFor quite a while I have had an inkling that something awry happened to me when I was very young, which I repressed. I don't want to go into what I think might have happened or why I think so; please bear with me while I keep this vague.\n\nI've been wrestling with depression for about six years now and every time I have an episode, the self-hating space that I'm in seems to be very much connected to the memories from childhood which in hindsight make me suspect repressed trauma.\n\nAnyway, I'm wondering what kind of doctor I should see. Should I talk to just any psychologist referred through a free youth mental health service (I'm 21) or should I see someone practicing more formally and privately?\n\n'See a shrink and find out whether you're messed up because of repressed trauma or not' has been on my to do list for years but this last bout of depression has convinced me that I need to address this NOW.\n\nThanks so much for reading.", "answer": "I'd caution you about the idea of going to a therapist to search for repressed memories. Memory isn't like a DVR, it doesn't play like a tape. It is influenced by the emotions at the time of memory encoding, by the emotions at the time of thinking about the memory, all the things we've learned and experienced since the memory, and all the past times we've talked about it. Long story short- are memories are often not completely accurate depictions of the events they are about. \n\nSecondly, repressed memory therapy has a documented history of negative consequences. The major one being the fabrication of false memories (we can start to \"remember\" events that didn't happen as a result of suggestion.) ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3nwzvn", "comment_id": "3nwzvn"}, {"question": "Is religion and spirituality bad for my mental health?", "description": "i have been spiritual for 10  years now. However, as of recent i realize a lot of anxiety that I have is caused by my believe in 1) God 2) Spirituality and 3) A soul. For the last 3 months I took a break from my studies and decided that I am going to read books that a secular in nature, and stay away from mysticism and overly philosophical books.\n\nSo I gotta ask you: To improve my mental health and foster mental fortitude, do you think I should drop my mythical pursuit because it cause anxiety and irrational fears?\n\nI sent an email to my local lodge to become a Freemason, and I am anxious they might hurt me or my family if I don't join. Should I be worried?", "answer": "This may take regular work with a therapist to sort out . On one hand , you may reduce your anxiety by stepping away from your faith. At the same time , your anxiety could be transferred to something else,  or you may feel increased anxiety about the spiritual consequences of your choice. \n\n\nHopefully you can talk to someone who can walk you through this to address the root of your anxiety.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gjzhwm", "comment_id": "gjzhwm"}, {"question": "Has anyone gotten a tattoo here to signify their quitting?", "description": "I don't have any tattoos because I've never really had anything in my life that I wanted to put on my body, but I feel having the date I last drank on my body is important so I wanted to get some ideas for a tattoo, sooo post? Thanks a lot", "answer": "Yup. Birthday-Day I attempted suicide. Which is not my sobriety date by the way, because that is something subject to change whereas the pain, misery, loneliness and all the rest of that day will never change. I got mine at about 7 months sober. I recommend thinking on it for a while before doing it. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1h0qz1", "comment_id": "1h0qz1"}, {"question": "What's a good meter for shared interests?", "description": "Hi r/relationship_advice!  \nI've [F] been in a committed relationship with this guy [M, obviously] for a little over 6 months. We get along great, share a lot of values (most, if not all, of them? we're still exploring, but no foreseeable issues yet), are very committed to each other, and we stay in contact regularly. We're temporarily LD due to the end of the academic year and our different, far apart hometowns, but for what it's worth, things are going fine.  \n  \nHe's my first relationship (not counting one that lasted 3mo last March and in retrospect wasn't at all going to work out long-term), and I'm his second long-term relationship (he dated a girl for 8mo in high school, but realized it was going downhill pretty quickly and just took his time leaving for various reasons). He has mentioned multiple times that I'm leagues better than his first girlfriend, especially ideologically, which is good, and I know he's much, much better than my first boyfriend, too.  \n  \nBasically, we're doing fine, but because we're temporarily LD, my anxiety is acting up and I'm suddenly wondering if we're going to work out in the long run due to a kind of... lack? Of shared interests. I know that's a big part of relationships, but due to our inexperience, I don't want to make all these plans together without fully comprehending just what a functional relationship needs. We both like similar TV shows, and are very into technology/science, as we are both attending the same technical school and getting degrees in 2 closely-related STEM fields. We also have very similar senses of humor, and I know I, personally, am interested plenty in most of what he does (he's a bike mechanic, and while I don't know much about mechanic work or bikes, I find it super interesting and wish I knew more). All that to say, we have plenty of common ground to begin with... but I just don't know how much we need to have to get things to work, long-term. We're both looking to date for marriage, so it's not like we're leading one another on, but it's just really hard to judge.  \n  \nAll that to say, what has helped you guys? I know there's no catch-all for relationships, but I really want a direction to go because I do really enjoy his company and I believe a lot of the adults in my life with healthy marriages seem to have a good balance of shared interests and individual hobbies, but I just don't know what that ratio can/should be. Advice, please? And thank you!", "answer": "I think shared interests is over-rated, except for folks who have a consuming interest that takes up LOTS of time. For the rest of us, doing hobbies/interests together is a tiny portion of life, time-wise. Most time is spent in the kitchen, bedroom, with kids, and out to dinner. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6c12lw", "comment_id": "6c12lw"}, {"question": "I just feel so hopeless", "description": "I'm just having a really shitty night. I'm just miserable and I feel like there's no hope of happiness. I try to think about things that make me happy, but they aren't making me happier. I don't know what to do.", "answer": "You're having a really shitty night.  But tomorrow's another day.  For now, maybe have a cup of hot tea to soothe yourself and go to bed.  Or take a hot shower and go to bed.  Get some sleep.  I find when I'm well-rested, the whole world looks brighter.\n\nYou won't always be miserable, and there is always hope.  Tomorrow, try thinking about (and doing) things that make you happy, and see how you feel then.  Hang in there!", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17h2v6", "comment_id": "17h2v6"}, {"question": "Am I hallucinating?", "description": "I constantly hear music in my head and whenever i try to make it stop it just doesn't, it drives me insane because i'm constantly hearing either music or random talking in my head. i also see small bugs crawling for a few seconds and then they go away.\ni have really bad paranoia (especially at night), but my therapist says its caused by my anxiety. \n\ni'll definitely bring this up with my therapist next time i see her, i just want to see if this is normal or not.", "answer": "Any unwanted, persistent noises or things that you might see that aren't actually there are likely to fall in the category of a hallucination. Paranioa can be a part of anxiety depending on what you are paranoid about. Medication side effects can cause hallucinations depending on what you take. \n\nI don't want to feed your current anxiety, so I'll also add that if you are self-aware enough to know these things aren't real, that is a good sign. It sounds as though it's really just bothersome rather than truly disturbing at this point, so keep in mind that this can be treated and, if it is a medication issue, fixed. \n\nHang in there, and talk to your therapist and doctor as soon as you can, but don't stop any prescribed medications without being told by your doctor to do so. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6os3t8", "comment_id": "6os3t8"}, {"question": "Accidentally told my long-time friend that I liked her. What do I do? [anonymous]", "description": "Friends for 10 years, let's call her A, talking to another friend of mine, let's call her B. B was visiting A's house, and A takes B's phone without me knowing, during a conversation about my feelings for A. A acts as if it's B and doesn't read the above texts. I continue the previous conversation. I'm an idiot. B tells me later that it was A on the phone. \n\nI don't know whether she likes me back or any of that stuff. What do I do?", "answer": "well, it's out there, so ask her how she feels.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u2sw8", "comment_id": "5u2sw8"}, {"question": "MMR vaccination taken 10 days before 12 months of age", "description": "I need to submit an immunization form for school and the lady at the desk wouldn't take my form because it is required to take the measles vaccination after 12 months of age and I got it early. Is there any information I can use to force her to take it so I don't have to get an unneeded third shot?", "answer": "A smack round the head to encourage common sense, probably.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4z1j9i", "comment_id": "4z1j9i"}, {"question": "My toddlers suddenly started crying watching a video compilation of themselves and I'm confused.", "description": "The other day, my twin boys (3 y/o) were looking through pictures on my phone. Somehow they accessed the iPhone feature that creates a compilation of pictures and videos with music and pushed play. I wasn't really paying attention and they kept saying \"I want to go there.\" At the end of the video, one of my boys broke down crying. I freaked out thinking he hurt himself somehow. Suddenly, my other son started angrily tensing up and then started crying too. I panicked having no clue why they were crying and just tried soothing them. After awhile they stopped so I started asking questions like \"where do you want to go?\" referring to what they were saying while watching the video, because the video featured us in multiple places. They just responded \"there.\" I then asked, \"are you sad because you were happy in the video but now you're not happy?\" They kind of nodded yes. \n\nAs a side note, our family is quarantine-ing save to go walks outside at the park, beach and on trails. My husband and I are both working full time at home so they've been watching a lot of TV, but we are still trying to give them as much attention as possible. They haven't seen their grandma (and primary caretaker when we're working) in a few days since we decided to fully self-isolate, and she wasn't in the video. Honestly, they don't seem to understand or care for what's happening with the coronavirus situation so I don't believe this would influence their breakdown.", "answer": "What do you think is going on? What, specifically,  concerns you? Lots of kids are having a rough time right now . Change in routine,  stressed parents,  increase in screen time, etc are hard for kids who can't understand the global situation.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fpmg37", "comment_id": "fpmg37"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Im 5 weeks. It is getting easier and easier. I went for dinner last night with family and while i had a few urges to drink they passed quickly, and it was overall v enjoyable. How many days are you? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "How the hell can you improve at fighting games with depression", "description": "I have really bad depression and I just bought Soul Calibur VI. I was really excited and thought it would help but I've done many matches and only won 2 rounds. I keep getting swept. I take losing so personally that it crushes my spirit. I basically wanna cry after every loss because I feel so lame", "answer": "Are you treating your depression? Are you seeing a mental health professional?\n\nYour health should come first. If you have a severe illness, your performance in any task is going to be impacted.", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "9qwq4w", "comment_id": "9qwq4w"}, {"question": "A breakup question for the ladies... Or dudes. Anybody really", "description": "\nOk.I'm a 30 year old man. She's a 25 year old woman. We had a really big fight over the weekend. She and her kids weren't living m but we're planning to move in really soon. She had a key and stayed here most nights. I took both her children in as my own because their father didn't provide and I have a great job. We were together for about a year and a half. She hasn't been talking to me since the fight. I have struggled with alcohol in the past and recently started drinking again and it fueled our latest fight. I have told her I wouldn't drink anymore. I guess she's over it.\n\nAnyways my question for you ladies. When I came home from work today she had been here and cleared out most of her things and left a box of mine. No letter no call no text. But she took one of the framed pictures of us (my favorite one of us) and placed it on my pillow and sprayed the pillow with her perfume. Is this kind of a \"I'm gone but try to remember me forever\" type deal? What would be her motivation behind this? To fuck with my head?\n\nI have decided I was going to give her space and not make any contact for 2 weeks and see if in that time she sees I haven't been drinking she will want to try and work it out?\n\nAny insight would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "that's a good plan.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5oeqn0", "comment_id": "5oeqn0"}, {"question": "Should I contact my abusive ex-girlfriend I left?", "description": "This is tough for me since I know any contact will almost certainly be bad, and it's why I left her in the first place. But I still want to hear other people's input. Maybe someone's been there and has seen how this goes.\n\nThe woman I was with, who abused me terribly, was my best friend. She and I were never bored together, and I was her best friend. I've never seen a woman as funny, charismatic, and intelligent as her. But after a few weeks of mostly talking as friends and growing closer, her abusive, manipulative, and jealous side came out, which was horrible. She broke up with me many times and wanted me back afterward. She's had severe trauma in her life and possibly borderline personality disorder.\n\nI encouraged her to get therapy, read books on self-help, and get other resources to help many times (as I've had to do with my own mental illness and abusive upbringing). She often made a show of wanting to change but never did, lying to me about things like going to therapy. Then lying repeatedly to get my sympathy after she broke up with me due to an argument she started over something totally inconsequential. Saying she cut herself and went to the hospital, she was going to kill herself, she lived in a dangerous area and needed my help (long distance relationship).\n\nShe kept building on her lies while I managed to overlook them and finally I left her after she started insulting me over nothing. She admitted to her lies in furious emails while I maintained no contact, which included how she never cut herself, she tried to seduce my brother to hurt me after I wouldn't take her back before, and she faked her own death, having family and friends of hers message me saying she died and it was my fault. Then accusing me of all kinds of horrible things, like only wanting her for sex and planning on leaving her and wanting to have sex with practically every woman I saw.\n\nIt's been nearly a year without contact, which I'm glad about. My life was hell with her, and her nice moments were papering over the lies she was concealing. And it was stupid of her - she never had to manipulate me to be with her. I took her back dozens of times with the provision that she get therapy and change her behavior. She has two kids as well, who she's raising mostly by herself, it seems.\n\nI realized I was kidding myself over making her recover every time she played along, and that there's no such thing as making someone get better. I wasn't in love with her and was fine with leaving her, but I always can't help but think I want to try again and be a helper.\n\nI know that's a horrible choice, and she'll probably try her best to manipulate her way into my life again with threats of suicide and accusations of me being a cheater. And it will only prolong how much hurt she can cause me, since she can always hang threats like that over me. She even said she wanted to kill me and was crying horribly when I left her, saying how I'm too immature for a relationship.\n\nBut part of me still gets emotional about it. It's not terrible, and my life overall is pretty good. I've met other women and enjoyed my freedom without being attached to someone, though part of me still just wants to see if she is willing to get into serious recovery for her abusive behavior. Yet, she'll burrow her way into my life like before unless she's changed, and I know a year difference means nothing without her having made that decision (she's 35). So that could be another disaster for me. She'll ruin my life, but I still want to see if she will get treatmen\n\nEdit: TL:DR My ex-girlfriend and I were best friends, but her abuse and lies drove us apart. A year later, I still want to contact her and see if she'll get treatment (that she so often refused).", "answer": "NO", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fbnes", "comment_id": "6fbnes"}, {"question": "How to avoid hitting a brick wall immediately upon getting home for the day? I'm in tears because I just want to get some stuff accomplished at home and it feels impossible.", "description": "It doesn't matter what time it is, once I get home it's like my meds immediately wear off and I can't get anything accomplished even if it's something I desperately want to do. If I run errands after work or go out to do something fun, everything is great! I get stuff done and I feel good about myself. \n\nBut the minute I step through my front door, all bets are off. Many days, it's a miracle for me to even make myself dinner, or even eat what I brought home with me. \n\nMy doctor has me taking a 30 mg Vyvanse in the morning and another one in the early afternoon to try to combat this. It works great getting me through the end of my workday and any errands. \n\nBut like today...I forgot to take it at 12:30, and didn't remember until 2:30. Which actually made me happy, because I have to get some projects done around my house and I figured it would finally last long enough to get me through until at least 9.\n\nNope. I barely made it through making dinner, and I was dragging as I drove out to bring it to my boyfriend at work. Once I got back home 30 minutes later, I ended up sitting in my car for another 30ish minutes before I found the motivation and energy to go upstairs. I ate a little piece of chicken and I'm trying to power through at least one of my projects, but I'm not really getting anywhere. It sucks and I'm in tears for the third night in a row. I want to stay productive at home too, not just at work! Plus we have a roommate moving in next weekend, and her room is completely full of stuff that needs to be gotten rid of ASAP. \n\nIs this normal? How do you cope with it? I don't honestly know if it's my ADHD or if there might be another culprit. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed. ", "answer": "I am going through this exact struggle right now and was thinking about writing a post just like yours. I'm an early career professional, and in addition to my job, I'm trying to study for my licensing exam and make a little extra money with a side gig. Neither of those things is getting done at all. I feel ambitious and excited to do these things throughout the day, but as soon as I get home the energy drains out of me and brain fog settles in. \n\nI just recently started getting (pharmaceutical) treatment for the first time at age 29, so I'm still figuring out a lot of stuff.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9bpgxm", "comment_id": "9bpgxm"}, {"question": "10 Day Progesterone- Still no period?", "description": "So, i should have been diagnosed with PCOS a long time ago but instead of put on BC for almost 10 years which masked all the symptoms. Once i got off to TTC, to my surprise, no period for 7 months (since getting off) and now diagnosed with PCOS. Progesterone has been brutal to my system and am now done my pill and no period in sight! Anyone put on progesterone to induce a period? or have any tips? Im so discourage. I also just started metformin.", "answer": "i had the same thing and it turned out my estrogen was too low.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "43c5t7", "comment_id": "43c5t7"}, {"question": "I have a dog. When I play with the dog, I sometimes pretend to be a dog. Is this something I shouldn't mention to other people?", "description": "For example.. I'll play tug-of-war with my feisty little dachshund and, because I have the advantage of having hands, I easily best him every time. So then, to even the playing grounds, I sometimes instead bite part of the toy and it's much more fun. If anything, it's a little unsanitary.  \n\nThings like this happen all the time. I always feel like I'm doing something differently than most people. It's easy to see that what I'm doing might not be fully socially acceptable but I always think that people will just reason with themselves that it's not actually an 'odd' thing to do, if you know what I mean. Am I just weird?", "answer": "A little weird, but not incredibly taboo. Share it with close friends, but not acquaintances or strangers.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "ylurs", "comment_id": "ylurs"}, {"question": "What are the best responses to \"why you're so quiet\"?", "description": "Or the even more obnoxious sarcastic remark, \"you're so loud/rowdy\"? ", "answer": "Quiet rivers run deep.\n\nPassive aggressive: empty vessels make the most noise.\n\nBut honestly, it's all kind of bullshit. Just cuz I'm quiet doesn't mean I have anything profound to say, and just cuz you're jabberin away doesn't mean you're an idiot. But maybe it'll get people to stop calling you out for it.\n\n\n", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "t0kx9", "comment_id": "t0kx9"}, {"question": "girl jumps in bhopal shahpura lake with her laptop", "description": "last month,in April 2019,in bhopal city of madhya pradesh India,a body was recovered inside a tourist attraction,Lake shahpura.\nshe was recovered after 5 days of missing report being filed by her family.her laptop was also recovered along with her,that made it more suspecious for the people of that locality.\nupon intterogation with her family,it was discovered that she was in a bad mental state from last few days,but never disclosed anything upon asking,she had cutoff from her friends and also was not eating food from last few days.she never left her laptop during this time and used to stare at it for hours at a singke sitting.\nupon asking in her locality,no one had any clue about this.she was a ranker in her college and always topped in her class.\nalso from last few days,there are reports of sighting of a strange figure that looks like a girl using her computer in different localities of bhopal,most sightings reported near mp nagar,shahpura,kolar road and ashoka garden,there are talks about that being a ghost of that girl.sightings are increasing daily and more reports have started to come in.some people who reported multiple sightings, mentioned that they usually see her on the first floor of buildings specially balcony and doors who had openings outside buildings but on first floor only.\nthese facts were confirmed by other people who reported this sightings.\nsome people are reported to suffer through a trauma because of this and others have stopped leaving their house after 12 in night,the time during which she is usually sighted.\nthe cause of her suicide still remains a mystery as there is no statement to support this fact.and as the days are passing by,the ghost with a computer us becoming a prevelent belief in those areas,even some police officials have also confirmed to have sighted such figures,it it turns into a doll if observed very closely.in some reports it also disappered in just a blink.\nno reports have came up to confirm any losses or harmful actions of that ghost.but the people who suffered)suffering from the trauma,explained that she tried to explain some things to them through her hands and others say that they usually see her in her dreams during their sleep in the morning.\ni hope this mystery soon solves.", "answer": "So she committed suicide and a lot of people believe they see her ghost? \n\nBelieving in spirits is culturally-sanctioned in India, right?\nSo what is the mystery?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "bl42uk", "comment_id": "bl42uk"}, {"question": "Back pain making stomach hurt?", "description": "Anyone ever experience such bad back pain it makes your stomach hurt?\n\nDealing with that soooo bad right now but I\u2019m on vacation and I would like it to go away, especially since I don\u2019t have much time to just lie down.\n\nI also woke up in the middle of the night *~feeling weird~* so I\u2019m exhausted.\n\nAny remedies?", "answer": "Ugh, I definitely get this sometimes! Using a heating pad on my back and/or stomach helps. Also this sometimes happens to me when I'm constipated! Deep breaths, remember it will pass!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "9gtun9", "comment_id": "9gtun9"}, {"question": "I'm empty", "description": "Until now, I've been trying my hardest to help as many people as I can here on this subreddit and in real life. As someone who, like most of you, is depressed, I've only wanted happiness. Not for myself, but for others. For the past 4 years, I've wanted nothing else but to make people smile from the bottoms of their hearts. Despite my own shit, I just want to help out others. Until recently, this has been the last thing in my life that gave me any reason to keep going and the only ounce of motivation I've had. Now, for no discernible reason (as of yet), it's been drained out of me. I still want to see others be happy, but I can't help anymore.\n\nSoon enough, I'll be gone. I can bear the pain, but not the damage I've done and am doing to those around me. I'm only going to hurt those of you near me. I wish only the best to all of you, nonetheless. I'm just unable to fulfill this wish.\n\nI guess the bottom line is: I'm sorry. I'm sorry to those of you I've befriended so far. I'm sorry to those of you who need someone who cares. I'm sorry. I'm truly, deeply sorry. I'm not good enough anymore. I'm sorry.", "answer": "I don't know you Tetri, as I am new here.  I'm so very sorry that you are hurting right now.  It sounds painful to endure.\n\nI don't think you are stupid or weak.  Posting what you did took courage.  Thank you for sharing yourself with us.\n\nI wish you the best, and will be thinking of you.  I hope that you feel better as much as you can.  If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "yessq", "comment_id": "yessq"}, {"question": "I need help with my relationship. My boyfriend[M/24] and I [F/26] have been fighting A lot.", "description": "He always wants to hang out with me when we are home alone. I tell him I'm writing jokes and want to be alone and he still bothers me. He will sit on my bed and talk. So we argue over this. I cook him dinner and he never eats it, yet always asks me what's for dinner. So we argue.\n\nItsgotten to the point where I sleep alone in the seperate room and tell him I want to be alone. He will then barge in and try and sleep with me. I tell him no and no, yet he doesn't take that as an answer. Last night he went in when I wasn't paying attention and turned the futon down into a bed and we argued over this.\n\nOn top of all this he co stantly complains we don't spend enough time together even though we have date nights, go to his parents for dinner, and watch house of cards together. I just don't know what he is complaining about.\n\nI love him, but its getting to the point where I can't stand him. What should I do?", "answer": "couple therapy", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "768azq", "comment_id": "768azq"}, {"question": "I don't know if this is quite the right place for this, but how mad/upset/irritated would you be if a patient emailed you?", "description": "I would like to email my psychiatrist some of my thoughts but I don't know if this would upset her at all. I'm kind of having several breakdowns in rapid succession and I could use some professional help, but it's late at night so I can't call anyone.\n\n18/M/USA", "answer": "If its urgent, just get yourself to a hospital rather than emailing your psychiatrist. At least you can talk to someone quickly.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "549p7r", "comment_id": "549p7r"}, {"question": "Oxycodone taper", "description": "In December I was prescribed oxycodone to treat my herniated and bulging discs. The first two months I took between 7.5-15mg once daily every other day. The past 3 months I have taken 10-15mg daily. I\u2019ve been taking the meds for the past 5 months and would like to taper off. I can see myself becoming addicted and do NOT want that to happen. The past 5 days I have only taken 7.5mg once daily and have not noticed any adverse effects. I am quite active and eat fairly healthy. What would a good taper schedule look like to get off the oxy completely? I am trying to avoid acute withdrawal symptoms and remain available to assist my wife with our 3 children. ", "answer": "The only limiting factor is your comfort. You could try stopping cold turkey and it might be fine. I\u2019d recommend decreasing by the lowest practical amount, which depends on what pull size you have and how easy to cut it is, and doing so weekly or so.\n\nWithdrawal, particularly from a fairly low daily dose, is likely to be mild if it happens and even severe opioid withdrawal is miserable rather than dangerous, so you can go more aggressively if you want and ease off if you find yourself feeling sick.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i6jxn", "comment_id": "8i6jxn"}, {"question": "Sobriety didn't fix much, and I miss the days when I was still drinking", "description": "Disclaimer: kind of a self-pitying rant, sorry about that. \n\nI've been seeing these uplifting posts from people who have been sober for a few months or years with before and after pictures where they look happier and healthier. They write about things having turned around because of sobriety (good on you, by the way, it's honestly inspirational for me). So I tried to find a \"before\" picture where I looked beat down or tired and unhappy, to compare, because I haven't felt that way myself. But in all my drunk photos I look beaming, and in all my hungover photos I'm tired but happy and I'm with (pseudo)friends. I look at the pictures that have been taken of me since, and I look sad and tired, even in the ones I'm smiling in.\n\nQuick sidenote: I probably look fine in drunk and hungover pictures because of makeup and a tendency to forget to eat, I bet without the makeup I'd look pretty haggard. \n\nSince I quit drinking I've had to face that I'm friendless and incapable of functioning like a normal adult. When I quit drinking I wasn't magically suddenly able to go grocery shopping, organize my things, go to work, or keep up with my study like I thought I would. I've been diagnosed with ADD, and of course I wouldn't have been able to figure that out, or work on it, if I was drinking. \n\nLife is a lot of work. And with ADD, I've realized, it's gonna be even harder for me than someone with a proper brain. When life and functioning seems impossible even when sober, it should show me that drinking is probably the worst thing I could do. But not drinking hasn't been a magic fix; not drinking has just turned out to be a necessary prerequisite to be able to work on anything else. Drinking would leave me drained and unable to see the bigger picture, and if it takes me years of sobriety and ADD medication and therapy before things start looking up, I'm only postponing that success by drinking. In the early days of sobriety, or before, when I took \"breaks\", telling myself that \"at least I'm not drinking\" helped me feel better. Now I know that being sober is not enough, and my confidence in my own abilities are at an all-time low, and it's going to take a long time and a lot of work before I'm in a better place, and I miss being able to distract myself with pseudo-friends and alcohol. I miss that pretense of a social life, and I feel incredibly lonely now that I quite literally have no friends (I've moved around a lot).\n\nSobriety is, for me, an investment in my future, but it feels like a humongous sacrifice these days.\n\n__Tldr: Sobriety makes me face things drinking helped me bury, sobriety hasn't made me happier, and I now feel like I can't really do life.__\n\nEdit: I've been reading and rereading all of these replies for a while now. I guess I'm in a dark place and that's when I usually drink the most. I was on the verge of being genuinely convinced that getting drunk would solve my problem (hah). Thanks for a reminder of the bigger perspective in a time where I'm not really able to conjure it up myself - this sub is probably a literal lifesaver. Won't be drinking with you tonight.", "answer": "First of all, please stick with it because while removal of alcohol doesn't make things better it removes a major roadblock from our ability to make things better.\n\nSecond, I've got a story that I always bring up when people quit drinking but things seem to not get better.\n\nSo this guy comes to speak at a treatment facility and he's standing up on a stage in front of all the patients and he says, \"alright, we're gonna 'make' an alcoholic in a test tube. What do I put into this test tube to 'make' an alcoholic?\" It's silent for a few seconds and then someone from the back yells, \"anger!\" And then another yells \"fear!\" And another says \"resentment!\" And this goes on for a few minutes \"divorce!\" \"Homelessness!\" \"Sadness!\" \"Unemployment!\" etc. After about ten minutes of people in the crowd yelling out the things that 'make' an alcoholic it's clear that the speaker is still looking for one more piece. The crowd is stumped. Members of the crowd are looking around racking their brains trying to figure out what it is that they missed. After a few minutes of silence the speaker says, \"Booze. Booze is what we're missing.\"\n\nThe whole point is that if we were to 'make' person with a substance use problem we'd include so much more than just alcohol. Which means that when we remove alcohol from that person's life the only thing we've taken out of that equation is their main method for dealing with those other parts of their life. In the twelve step programs they talk about the removal of substance being \"but a beginning\".\n\nI wanna say congratulations for coming as far as you have because it's not easy. I also want you to know that the feelings you're having are incredibly real and actually fairly common! You are not alone. Now is your chance to continue from your beginning and start moving toward the life you want.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5p3tz6", "comment_id": "5p3tz6"}, {"question": "How do you know your medicine is working?", "description": "I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and I'm on Abilify 15mg. I started at 5mg and have been working my way up but don't want to keep increasing my dosage if it is not working. I do seem to be happier and the have my moments where I am feeling depressed and anxious and just don't know if the medicine is working. \n\nHow does anyone know if your medicine is working as it should?", "answer": "I'd say to stop paying so much attention to it and keep taking it.  A lot of people think they should feel a slight buzz or some side effects so they know it's working.  \n\nIf it's working exactly the way it's supposed to, it won't feel like you've taken anything at all, but your mood swings will be less severe, and episodes hopefully fewer, farther between, and less severe.  \n\nA huge problem for people with psychotic and mood disorders is that when their meds are working perfectly, they think \"Oh!  I've been doing good for a while now.  I don't think I need these pills anymore.  They don't even feel like they do anything.\"  When one of the biggest reasons they've been doing well is in fact the medication.  \n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6ucoi1", "comment_id": "6ucoi1"}, {"question": "I can\u2019t donate blood again, because I am O- and I received a shot for my baby being O+. Why is that?", "description": "30, female. I was told I couldn\u2019t never donate again, despite having O- blood, because I received a shot for my baby being O+. Never can donate again.  \n\nWhy is this?", "answer": "I'm not a blood banker, but I've never heard of that restriction. Where did you hear it?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "clrzgb", "comment_id": "clrzgb"}, {"question": "Is it okay to be a quiet person?", "description": "I\u2019m 24F and mostly thinking of this because I\u2019ve started grad school and I\u2019m being put into more social situations. I used to be the grumpy I hate talking to people type, but I dealt with some mental illness issues and after addressing those and working customer service my demeanor has changed, but I still have a hard time being the talkative type. \n \nI\u2019m very self conscious of my quietness. I went to a meeting with some of my peers and two of the girls dominated the conversation. I had to interrupt to get a word in edgewise and I felt bad because I was mostly insecure for just listening and what I had to say was mostly awkward and forced. But that\u2019s the thing- I just like listening. Recently an event put my demeanor in perspective. I was with my BF and his uncle who he never sees. His uncle is a successful man with great stories and my BF holds a conversation very well. For the duration of two hours I just listened. I was self conscious at the time but my BF later said that his uncle thought it was nice I let them carry out their personal conversation while being interested and just listening to their anecdotes. I don\u2019t know if that sounds bad, but I had nothing to say. I was merely enjoying their stories. \n\nHis dad also commented that he likes people who don\u2019t try to commands conversations and are observant. Is this true? A lot of obnoxiously extroverted people have made me feel very uncomfortable for being quiet. Some people are very understanding and talk to me one-on-one, which is a setting I thrive in. That\u2019s when I can open up. I don\u2019t have a mean face and when people tell jokes I always laugh or smile and offer reinforcment that they seem to appreciate. But I mostly keep to myself. \n\nIs this \u201cokay\u201d? Should I try to change this? I know it\u2019s subjective but I get in my head about it a lot. I don\u2019t think I have the confidence to possibly accept (or defend) this part of myself. ", "answer": "Check out this book by Susan Cain.  I think you'll get a lot out of it.  I think the title itself probably speaks to your experience.  \n\n\nQuiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "97febe", "comment_id": "97febe"}, {"question": "[23/m] Don't know if it is love with my girlfriend [20/f] and this is really hunting me down.", "description": "Hi all,\nI came from 4 year of no relationships or every form of sex with anyone because of my insecurities and closeness in myself. With time I started to feel nothing for anyone in loving/attraction terms, and my insecurities in general grew up exponentially to the point that I could no more understand myself in almost any way. I have lots of problem of commitment even with my passions.\n\nThen I met this girl during the last ear. She lives far from my place (almost 6 hours of travel). I didn't liked her, she really wasn't my type of girl I usually were attracted to: she was pretty chubby, talked with a strange accent and overall I didn't really liked her.\nWe talked just for few minutes, maybe one hour in total in two days, nothing more. She was very nice and I felt similar to her for some reason, I thought she was cute and a sad person inside, for some reason again I felt like I really wanted to help her out of her difficult work situation and encourage her to follow her dreams.\n\nBut nothing more, I felt just that, there weren't attraction, no love at first sight, no butterflies in my stomach, I just felt closeness and friendship feelings.\n\nShe came home and then she started chatting with me. She wrote me everyday and the conversation basically never stopped. I understood she felt something for me and I was about to tell her not to waste time, because we could be good friends but nothing more.\n\nThen maybe I hesitated too much, I don't know, but we really had a great complicity, we were really similar in sense of humor (very rare to me to find a girl with my nosense humor), we were really enjoying our time chatting. I started to feel something for her, while I was forgetting her physical image. And one day I called her and told her my feelings, which she told they were the same towards me.\n\nThe thing gone on for some months, and then I went host to her home. I was really confused and torn about my feelings and needs: I knew I didn't like her as a girl, but I really felt closeness to her as a person. We had sex, the atmosphere was so strange, and romantic, and loving. But I was feeling so guilty for having sex with her knowing that I wouldn't want to bring on the relationship that I didn't enjoy a single second of it.\n\nI didn't want to let her feel used by me, so I didn't say anything and we acted like a couple in those days and then we decided to stay together. After little time I told her of my insecurities about the relationship (not about her) and that I wanted to take a break. But I still felt torned and couldn't decide myself, so at the end we met, talked, and I was so confused I couldn't still decide, and she was so loving, caring and comprehensive that I felt like I really really was taking a stupid decision to leave her. Goddamn, she was fantastic! Than while headed to home, she called me and we talked really happily and decided to met again in the next weekend.\n\nWe met, and we got together again. Those days we were very happy and both of us had the greatest love nights of our lifes (she ad lots more sex experiences than me. I just had one girlfriend before and no \"adventures\").\n\nThe time passed and we are together from five months now, but yet I still can't decide what the fuck am I feeling. She is more and more in love, and I too feel a lot of attachment, but at the same time I'm insecure, I'm scared to think I could pass all my life only with her, and I know that even if now I think (not joking or lying to myself) she is beautiful and a really really special person, I feel like there are girls more attractive than her.\n\nBut still, here is the thing: I feel something deep for her, we hug and kiss a lot, I like to talk to her, I like to go out and see places with her, I like to do everything with her even just a walk or go to the cinema is pretty special, something that is not the same with any of my friends. And even if I know she is not the classic hot girl out there, I think she is beautiful, special and sweet. And again, sex with her is awesome.\n\nBut again, I'm not secure I'm ready to bring on this relationship, I don't know if I just can't let myself commit to the relationship or if I just see her as a friend, and in the meantime she is crazy in love with me and I feel shame and guilt for all my thoughts and insecurities. I don't fucking want to hurt her, I don't fucking know if I love her and if I will ever love another girl like her, and I don't know what to do.\n\nHelp.\n\n-----------------\n\ntl;dr:\n  - general fear of commitment (even for my passions like music etc);\n  - met a girl I didn't like aesthetically;\n  - had sex, began relationship;\n  - feel strong feelings, really enjoy time together, but not sure if it is love or friendship.", "answer": "If you're not in love by now, it's friendship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6v52o3", "comment_id": "6v52o3"}, {"question": "I [25f] would like to join a dating service but past bad experiences scare me and I could use some advice.", "description": "I'm 25 and single. I have a full time job and am often busy, but I'd really like to meet someone. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I live in an area where there isn't much to do. I do not like bars. So I've began to consider meeting someone online. \n\nI've tried in the past and had some things happen.\n\nTinder IS a hookup app. Even though I stated in my bio that I was looking for casual dating, and even though I warned all new matches that I was not there for sex....everyone really only wanted sex. So no Tinder. \n\nI then tried OKCupid. \nOn OKCupid, I got a lot of messages from guys who didn't seem like people I would or should match with. If I did respond but there was no connection, I was accused of leading them on. If I didn't respond they'd become irate.  I got a lot of rude messages, and also a lot of nice ones and even went on a date with a friendly guy, but the negativity ended up outweighing the positive aspects.  I wasn't sure what to do and left OKC.\n\nAre paid services better? Should I just try again and ignore the yelling? Should I not even bother going the online route?", "answer": "Online dating sites are great because never before in human history have men and women been able to talk to so many prospective suitors from the convenience of their home. It's a huge statistical advantage compared to past generations. The key word here is 'statistical'.  It doesn't matter how many jerks message you online. [There are jerks everywhere as you know.] Because it only takes one good person to make your life better. Just stay with the process, go slow, be safe, and always meet the first time for coffee in the DAYTIME.   meetup.com for social/recreational activity is good too.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6my69v", "comment_id": "6my69v"}, {"question": "What is the difference between a boundary and rejection?", "description": "As someone who has dealt with a lot of rejection throughout my life, I have a hard time knowing the difference.  In some cases, I can distinguish the difference, like say, if I offer a friend a drink and they say no thanks, I'm driving.  That, I wouldn't take as rejection.  That's his boundary and choice to not drink.  Or if I'm talking about something and someone says, \"This topic makes me uncomfortable.\"  I wouldn't take that personally either, although I'd become very anxious that I potentially hurt that person.  But maybe in an example like my girlfriends getting tired of my panic attacks.  Is that a boundary or is that a rejection?  Or if say, my friends are always around when it's fun and I'm in a good mood, but if I'm going through something and need to talk, they aren't there.  Is that a boundaries, or is that them rejecting me?  It's really hard for me to tell in a lot of situations, especially when something I say or do is at the center of the issue.", "answer": "A boundary is an individual 's assertion of their own needs, a rejection is reflection of their feelings about you. \n\nI think this is an excellent question because the two are very different.\n\nExample: let's say you accidentally step on a person's toe. The person may say \"excuse me , you are stepping on my toe.\" That is a boundary.  Now, if you recognize that is a boundary,  you may apologize and step back a little to get off their toe.  However,  if instead,  you feel rejected,  you may behave differently. \n\n\"No, I'm not stepping on your toe.\"\n\n\"You are too sensitive,  stop being a big baby , it is just a tap. I'm hardly stepping on it.\"\n\n\"I can step on your toes if I want to! Who are you to tell me where to put MY feet?\"\n\n\"I wouldn't have to step on your toes if your feet weren't always in my way.\"\n\nOf course,  if you continue to function in this way , eventually,  the person may decide that having their boundaries crossed is unbearable and they may decide to reject you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hqa5h1", "comment_id": "hqa5h1"}, {"question": "Questioning marriage and some friendships because of past drinking...", "description": "Has anyone ever questioned the \"validity\" of your relationships as they are when drinking is not involved? Been married a year and a half. My husband proposed to me after a mild night of drinking. Our early to mid 20s were filled with drinking and the only way I'm able to be open with him is with alcohol. Our honeymoon was tropical and yet sort of fuzzy because of the drinking. This goes for the same with some friends. I seem to only have a common thread with them when drinking, \"meaningful\" conversations are held with drinking yet outside of drinking the relationship lacks. I'm starting to question the meaning of any of these types of relationships (including my marriage) now that I've started to stop drinking. Lots of anxiety over this if I think too much about it.... Ugh. These thoughts have come up in their past, but I just ignored them. But now, not so much.", "answer": "I'm gonna go against the grain here and recommend you seek some outside help around the major. I don't think getting sober and working on your marriage are mutually exclusive. In fact I think ignoring one can lead to trouble with the other.\n\nOne of the reasons divorce rates are so high when one person gets sober is because it fundamentally changes the dynamics of the relationship even if the person that doesn't quit drinking has no issue with alcohol. There needs to be in-depth conversations about the fact that the relationship is now altered. I'm currently pursuing a masters in couples and family therapy so I'll claim that bias, but I think if you don't engage in a conversation about the nature of the relationship being different then chances are that the person that hasn't quit will continue treating the relationship as though it is the same which will either make the relationship unbearable or it will make not drinking unbearable for the other partner.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "5ucmbg", "comment_id": "5ucmbg"}, {"question": "When is hospice brought into a nursing home?", "description": "My dad is 71 male and has lived in a nursing home for the last 12 years.  He had a brain aneurysm (subarachnoid hemorrhage) and has been in a wheel chair and on a feeding tube ever since. 2 weeks ago he ended up in the ICU due to a C DIFF infection and almost didn\u2019t survive. He had kidney failure, respiratory failure, very low blood pressure, and was unresponsive. He recovered from that and went back to the nursing home 4 days ago resuming his blood pressure medication and treatment for low sodium. Now the nursing home is having hospice come in.  When I asked his wife why, she told me that hospice is just coming in to help take care of him and to make sure he doesn\u2019t get sick like that again. I\u2019ve always heard and read that hospice comes in when the person has 6 months or less left to live.  Which is correct?", "answer": "Hospice and palliative care are frequently confused. Hospice requires a prognosis of six months or less, but palliative care only requires that there is suffering to alleviate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eetwpw", "comment_id": "eetwpw"}, {"question": "Unrealistic expectations.", "description": "Having an outcome today that is not what I had hoped for.   \nNot getting what I want.    \nWhen I want it.   \nOn the silver platter I secretly crave/think I somehow deserve.   \nServed by naked handmaidens....   \n(Am I an addict or what?)\n\nTruth is this is not a big thing, really quite minor, my glass is still 95% full, and I am aware of my feelings and am not letting this get to me.  One way of doing that is telling on myself.\n\nThey say expectations are resentments waiting to hatch.   Not this time.", "answer": "My expectations are soon to become my frustrations. We had this topic Wednesday night at the homegroup on not getting the outcomes you want or expect. I know you're an AA guy as well so you can definitely find comfort in the fact that your higher power has the right thing in store for your future. Just gotta strap in for the ride of your life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hp9vn", "comment_id": "1hp9vn"}, {"question": "[I'm not sure]? What to do if a Class you Play Isn't in Other Games?", "description": "Okay, this is a weird thing, but it's become a very prominent issue for me with the games I play or have been wanting to play. I played WoW a lot, and DnD a lot, and they have a lot of classes and a lot of playstyles to choose from, and that's all fantastic, but I have an issue when it comes to Dark Souls and Dragon Age and Skyrim, specifically.\n\nIn Dark Souls there's no such thing as a summon spell, and you can't reliably be a rogue or archer without getting your ass handed to you a dozen times over. Spellcasting was also restricted to the number of times you could cast it before resting at a bonfire before they reintroduced the Mana Bar from Demon's Souls. Dual-wielding is a mess in every game except Dark Souls 2, as well...\n\nIn Dragon Age, you're basically restricted to the traditional 3 classes, which is... a whole thing in itself. There's not an actual paladin or mage knight, there's no true necromancer or summoner, stuff like that.\n\nAnd in Skyrim, it's very clunky to play a true hybrid class without sacrificing something in combat. So you'd have your sword and shield out one second, but you need to heal, desperately. But by the time you manage to switch to your healing spell, you get smacked in the face by an axe. And playing a Necromancer is beyond frustrating because you need actual corpses before you can make thralls. I appreciate the realism of that, but it's kind of annoying.\n\nI mean... I don't know what I like to play as a class, but I generally play some sort of Mage Knight or something along those lines. So when it came to Dragon Age, I felt very confused because I like to play both halves of the Mage Knight equally, and I don't like playing either of them that much separately. And when it came to Dark Souls, I dividing up my stats was just a frustrating endeavor, and I dunno... And then Skyrim's all clunky and whatever... I dunno.\n\nWoW doesn't have a traditional mage knight, now that I think about it. I mean, there's no room for one anymore, I suppose, with the existence of the Shaman, Paladin, and Death Knights.\n\nI dunno, how do you guys deal with an RPG that doesn't have a class you're used to?", "answer": "Skyrim has a great perk overhaul mod called Ordinator, it's available on both Classic and SSE (and easily downloadable from Bethesda.net if you haven't gotten into modding before).\n\nIt adds a TON of new options, and lends itself really well to playing different \"classes\". You can be a necromancer that actually collects bones and starts a skeleton army. You can be a sneaky rogue that lays tripwires and traps for people. And there are even perks that buff characters that have a spell in one hand and a sword in another.\n\nThe same author also makes a spell mod called Apocalypse that plays really well with it, adds a big variety of spells, like more \"offensive\" Restoration spells that really help if you're playing the Paladin type.", "topic": "GFD", "post_id": "6ri2ji", "comment_id": "6ri2ji"}, {"question": "Today is my 365th day without alcohol and I couldn't be happier", "description": "I quit drinking a year ago because I was about to go to jail for a serious DUI. Before that I was unemployed and drinking a fifth of whiskey a day+. I was only in jail for 2 months but I was committed to turning my life around and i have stuck to that commitment. I feel like today marks a big milestone for me doing so.\n\nI am now working a full time job and looking toward a brighter future without alcohol holding me back.\n\nI just wanted to post here today to say that if quitting drinking seems like an impossible thing in your life, dont give up. I would have never thought I could do it, yet here I am.  You are stronger than you think and if alcohol is holding you back, just know that leaving it behind is the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself and for those who care about you.\n\nThanks for reading and I will not drink with all of you today.\n\n\nEdit: I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. This is a great community and it makes me happy to see all of the positivity for each other. Thank you so much and congrats to all of you, too!", "answer": "Well done. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8kxjbw", "comment_id": "8kxjbw"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate to ask what a therapists (non)religious beliefs are before booking an appointment?", "description": "I have never been to therapy.  I know I need it.  Forgive my ignorance, I\u2019ve never been to this sub before either. \n\nI was raised and manipulated by the southern evangelical church for my entire life until I left without a word 8 months ago.  I have heard of so called \u201cChristian therapy\u201d but I know not all therapists incorporate their religious beliefs into their practice.  \n\nI guess I\u2019m technically an agnostic now but Im moving toward secular humanist / atheist. Very much still in the anti religion phase of de-conversion.\n\nMy issue is I don\u2019t even want to see a therapist if they believe in any religion. Not if they incorporate it into the practice or not, I mean I don\u2019t even want to waste our time by making an appointment with a therapist that goes to church on Sundays, has a cross hanging on their wall at home, or will give 10% of the money they make from my session to a church.    \n\nIs this an appropriate ask? How would I go about this?", "answer": "Any good therapist will be able to separate out their own religious/spiritual beliefs from their view of you and how they work to help you.  It sounds like you understand that though.  There are plenty of awful therapists out there who incorporate too much of their religious views/spirituality whether it be more traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs or alt-medicine pseudoscience stuff (one of my supervisees simply refers to it as \"woo\").  \n\n\nWhile it never guarantees a good therapist, you've probably got a better chance of NOT encountering one of these types of bad therapists if you find someone who identifies similarly as you do.  \n\n\nIt's never inappropriate to ask for what you want in a therapist.  If you're going to a larger agency, it might not be a guarantee they have somebody that matches your preference or even that they end up assigning you to somebody with your preference, but you always have the right to ask.  If you're able, your best bet is finding someone in private practice and asking some of these questions in the initial phone call before your first appointment.  \n\n\nTo play devil's advocate though, I bet it would be extremely helpful and healing (albeit very difficult) for you to work with a GOOD therapist who does belong to a religion you're prejudiced against.  \n\nFor this very reason, as a therapist, I'm taking a big training on Hypnosis.  I'd put this in the woo category of therapies.  I don't believe it's very useful and am skeptical about the research surrounding it, but that's specifically why I'm taking the training.  I could go to all the Existential Therapy/SFBT/MI/CBT workshops I could find that will just tell me what I want to hear, reinforce what I'm doing is good, and I'll feel good but gain very little in the ways of new knowledge.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ce38u2", "comment_id": "ce38u2"}, {"question": "How do you bundle a cat that won\u2019t lay down for you?", "description": "I need to clean my cat\u2019s ears but, of course, she wont have it. \n\nI\u2019ve tried associating it with treats, I\u2019ve tried giving her catnip to help her relax while I do it, nothing is making it easier. \n\nI cant even bundle her because she wont lay down long enough to do it correctly and she always ends getting out before i get to the first ear! If I could just figure out how to bundle her without her laying down i feel like I could finally handle this", "answer": "I usually put them on a higher surface that I can stand behind them. I put a towel over their back and start wrapping/holding just above the front legs on the chest. This way they can still stand if they are uncomfortable with being held off their feet. I can then hold the towel in place with my arm while I hold the chin/face with that hand and other hand gently cleans. If you have someone to help even better. Give treats and cuddles during. Or use that wet food treat to distract as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "hslkel", "comment_id": "hslkel"}, {"question": "[22/m] Should i stay, or should i go?", "description": "I've been dating this girl for over two years now, we had a few incidents in the past, where she was sent another man her nudes, she blamed it me on not giving her enough attention and i was a low life for losing my job, \n\nand not having enough money, so i was out of work for 6 month living off Government contributions and money off family and credit card,\n\nShe is 19, never had a job in her life, she blames her mental illness, i try to be understanding and help her because she can have episodes where she loves me one second and the next she 100% hates me and can get violent,\n\n lately shes been weird as she has been doing it constantly, she loves me all day when i head off to work, she says i make her angry Don't like me and don't want to be with me a few hours later she messages me saying she loves me shes sorry for saying all the horrible things and wants me and wants to marry me.\n\nbut it been happening every day for the past week, I love her, i think of her as my world i would do anything for her, but lately it feels like she don't love me as much, i don't know what to do as i do love her, but its not healthy, she wants me to tell her everything im doing and got planned, she complains if i mention anything that cost money, even though im the one who works 170 hours a month to be able to afford stuff for us.\n\nI just feel like im at a breaking point, I got things i want in my life, i want her but she don't want me to do them, Getting a motorcycle, buying a gym membership going out with friends for a drink, I'm starting to feel like a prisoner all i can do is Work, go home and spend time with her  im not allowed any kind of social life or anything that benefits me,\n\nIm getting to a point where i want to leave but i can't bring myself to do that....", "answer": "At some point, do you plan to add any reasons why you might want to stay in this relationship? 'Cause so far, this seems like a pretty silly question...", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3cktvd", "comment_id": "3cktvd"}, {"question": "Warning about 7 cups. They may do more harm than good. Send people to crisis text line instead.", "description": "Survivor of sexual assault here. 7 cups is a shady organization that I would NOT recommend. After I disclosed my trauma, the volunteer who matched with me talked about what sex he likes and asked me about my porn preferences. He seemed to honestly believe that he's helping. \n\nI was in full blown trauma, and this asshat uses that as an invitation for a graphic sexual conversation, and pretends that that will cure me. \n\nI tried to report him, but no there was no such function in the app. I tried to post about it in their subreddit, but it said I'm not allowed to post there. \n\nThey are closed off to feedback from people who have been harmed by trusting their service.\n\nThey are trying to extract money by up-selling people to talk to real therapists. So it's in their interest to be shitty when you're not paying. \n\nCrisis text line, on the other hand, background checks their volunteers and puts them through 30 hours of mandatory training before they are allowed to talk to anyone. And it's a legitimate non-profit. I learned my lesson and will talk with someone at crisistextline in the future instead of a shady for-profit startup.", "answer": "7 cups not only sounds like a bad porno, but it also scares the crap out of me in terms of what its trying to achieve.\n\nI just cant see how it can clearly manage any acute mental health risk. The volunteers might as well be lay people, but people using the service have a higher likelihood to have complex interpersonal needs secondary to trauma.\n\nIf theres a lesson for all - and stating the obvious - stick to regulated services who can be accountable for its actions. In the UK it would be the NHS and some mental health charities, who provide various trauma-focussed care and treatment and support, with appropriately qualified individuals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "gt4bk3", "comment_id": "gt4bk3"}, {"question": "Do Illegal Drugs Fall Under Doctor-Patient Confidentiality?", "description": "20 years old, Female, 173 cm, 210 lbs, South Asian (Sri Lankan); bipolar II, depression, anxiety, hypothyroidism\n\n​\n\nHi! I have a midterm tomorrow and so the last 3-4 days I did whatever possible to keep myself alert and awake. And so, in the span of 24 hours I unintentionally took 100 mg lamotrigine, 100 mg apo gabopentin, 125 mg synthroid, 800 mg of caffeine (pill form) and 60 mg of adderall XR; which obviously isn't ideal. I had some adverse effects (nausea, dizziness, headaches, chest pain that lasted hours) and I'm supposed to be seeing my psychiatrist in a few days. I want to be open about what happened but I also  want to make sure this isn't going to be reported to anyone and it isn't going to get me into trouble. Thank you!", "answer": "Any medications or drugs you take, whether prescribed, unprescribed, or illegal, are confidential (at least in the US; other countries can have their own laws).\n\nUnlike what most people here are saying, I disagree that intentional overdose allows breach of confidence. The difference is that if you are still suicidal, you might be hospitalized, and while hospitalization is also confidential, it's often hard to conceal. But the reasons and specifics are still between you and the treating team.\n\nIn any case, that doesn't sound like what happened here. Tell your psychiatrist, and he or she does not report you to a university or to legal authorities.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "auggxt", "comment_id": "auggxt"}, {"question": "Does radiation exposure from CT scans damage DNA cells 100% of the time?", "description": "I keep reading mutated damaged DNA leads to cancer but does that mean if you had a CT Scan you have a 100% chance of getting cancer in the future because of the damaged dna? does radiation exposure in large amounts from CT scan damage dna at all times? I'm confused by the wording, make me believe if you had any radiation exposure you're bound to have cancer eventually. ", "answer": "If any DNA damage caused cancer we would die after exposure to sunlight, because that's exactly what ultraviolet light does.\n\nIn fact, due to the loss of critical DNA repair mechanisms, that's among the problems that occur in [xeroderma pigmentosum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeroderma_pigmentosum).\n\n​", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9j6mzh", "comment_id": "9j6mzh"}, {"question": "How do I(33M) tell my GF(29F) to get her s*** together?", "description": "My GF and her 3 kids started staying with me and my two kids about 2 months ago. We have been together for 10 months. \n\nShe hasn't offered any money for the bills. She tells me that shit will and sometimes she has given me money, only to ask for it back because she needs it. She's financially irresponsible. I've given her money for things she needs.\n\nWhen she don't have the kids, I'm at work, and she's off, she drives around visiting friends that are 30-45 minutes away all the time. She goes out to eat, she goes and has drinks, and just other stupid things.\n\nShe has things that she needs to take care of but she doesn't. Her phone has been broke for a couple of months. She can only text. So when daycare or school calls her she can't answer. She needs to find some papers so she can finish filing her taxes. Get her license unsuspended, and get her divorce from her ex started.\n\nShe has a 3 year old who could possibly have some issues, and is hard to handle. So because of the fits thrown when the child got put into the car seat, the child doesn't sit in a car seat. They just wonder around the vehicle or sit up front. \n\nNow that I've typed this out and read it, I feel completely different about the whole situation...\n\nI'm not sure what to do now. I love her. I love her a lot. She has changed my perspective on life, and shown me a lot.\n\nI know she can be an amazing person. I can see that she was in her life before.\n\nI'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I don't want her bringing me down with her.", "answer": "Why would you want to be with a person like this?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "fe8bzu", "comment_id": "fe8bzu"}, {"question": "Family member with kidney failure/suspected compartment syndrome related to cocaine/alcohol abuse", "description": "White\nMale \n30\n5'5\n180-200lbs\n*of note he is not forthcoming  in disclosing drug use*\nPresented with acute back pain, carrying down leg.  Was taken to hospital, originally thought to be sciatica/pinched nerve that progressively got worse.  \nThey asked about drugs finally admitted to binge use of alcohol and cocaine.  His kidneys began failing and was sent to a bigger facility.  His kidneys failed and while waiting for dialyses his leg continued to get worse.  Was tested for compartment syndrome but it was ruled out.  \nI saw some medical journals online with brief mentions of cocaine and alcohol use  causing issues with kidneys and ischemia but nothing that explained it fully enough for me to be able to grasp what it meant.  He seems to be coherent and able to text not sure about his speech etc \n\nDoes anyone have experience with this type of situation?  Any idea of questions to ask him or what he's in for .  I don't really know what to ask you guys for just trying to get some advice I guess.   His history has made him terrified of disclosing the truth about his drug use. ", "answer": "Cocaine can cause rhabdomyolysis (muscle breakdown), and the products of breakdown are damaging to kidneys. It may be that the pain is from the breakdown of muscle in that leg more than elsewhere, although why is impossible to know. \n\nWithout more information and tests anything we say is only speculation. The hope is that this is acute kidney injury and, with time, he will recover. Since we don't know what caused the problem, we can't estimate the likelihood of that versus permanent kidney damage.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b31fcq", "comment_id": "b31fcq"}, {"question": "how can people say that their SO cured their mental illness?", "description": "Just saw a post that said something like \"after years of PTSD and depression, I'm finally happy. my SO does this and this...\"\n\nI'm not bitter, I just want to know how that happened. I'm not expecting my SO to change my mental health, so I'm not sure what the SO has to do with it.\n\nsomeone explain, I am confusion", "answer": "Here\u2019s an email I send friends...\n\nPractice Mindfulness: \n- Square breathing: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds\u2014repeat several times. \n- 4-5-6 breathing: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, breathe out for 6 seconds.\n-reverse nostril breathing\u2014gently push down on one nostril. Breathing 3-5 cycles of deep breaths through the single open nostril. Then reverse and repeat while holding down the opposite nostril.\n- Imagine a soothing and calming color around you as a sort of protective bubble that keeps out other people\u2019s emotions or baggage. Say to yourself \u201cI let go of any stress I\u2019m carrying that does not belong to me.\u201d\n\nFocus on gratitude:\n- Sit down and write a list of all the things you are grateful for. Keep the list with you or on your phone or laptop so you can refer to it often when you\u2019re feeling stressed. Update it frequently \n-tie a gratitude practice into something you do everyday. For example everyday when you brush your teeth thank yourself for something you did the day before. It can be small...I didn\u2019t snap at my friend when he made a sarcastic comment yesterday...\n\nFocus on senses:\n- When you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, wear jewelry or accessories that make you feel good, wear cozy socks or a special scarf. Surround yourself with items that help you feel comfortable and soothed.\n-When you feel yourself getting agitated or irritable take some space. Go into a bathroom, run your hands under cold water, close your eyes and just focus on that sensation. Notice how the water feels on your hands, the temperature, can you imagine the taste or smell of it, can you hear it and it runs over your hands, do you see bubbles? Notice how the water moves\u2026\n-Go into another room and look for all the items in that room on the same color. These little distractions can help reset our mood.\n-try not to fight the anxiety. That will only make it much much worse. Let it be there. Accept it, be curious about it\u2026why is this coming up? What is my anxiety wanting me to pay attention to? What can I notice in how I\u2019m feeling\u2026. Just notice, no judgements!\n\nCarry a physical object with you:\n- Carry a small object that someone you really love gave to you. When you feel anxiety, grief, anger... building, hold this object in your hand and connect with how much love you have for that person and how much they love you. See yourself through this loved one\u2019s eyes and remind yourself of how strongly they care about you.\n- Wear an object that feels protective. Pretend it is magic and its superpower is to banish negativity from those around you. Hold it when you feel annoyed or overwhelmed and focus on the color of it, the texture of it\u2026and remind yourself it is there to protect you.\n-Progressive Muscle relaxation\u2014starting from your toes, working your way up your body slowly, tighten each muscle for 4 seconds, and then relax. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Make sure to do this with your jaw and scrunching eyes. We hold a surprising amount of tension here. As you\u2019re doing this think or say aloud \u201cI am preparing my body for calm and relaxing\u201d\n-listen for sounds and identify without judgment. This will give your brain a minor task to focus on to help is relax and not focus on anxiety. i.e. I hear a neighbor talking, car driving by, dog breathing...\n-keep a journal or notepad by your bed. If you find yourself stuck on to-do lists or trying to remember things, jot them down on the notepad. That way they are waiting for you tomorrow and you don\u2019t have to keep them in your head. Do a 5-10 min brain dump, and stream of consciousness-style, write down whatever is in your brain. It doesn\u2019t have to be full sentences or make sense. The goal is to empty your brain so it can fall asleep more easily \n-if you\u2019re struggling to fall asleep or be present in a moment because of the same thoughts or worries spiraling....imagine a container. Any kind of container, any color, and shape...use your imagination. Imagine what it would feel like if you touched it, what temperature would it be? How big? What\u2019s it made of? Then imagine yourself putting all your worries, fears, stressors in that container. Imagine yourself locking it and putting it aside in a \u2018safe space\u2019 in your mind. Knowing you can come back to those thoughts whenever you want, when you are more rested...", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "ak1v0w", "comment_id": "ak1v0w"}, {"question": "Multiple browser tabs compulsion", "description": "I typically open 100+ tabs over the course of a week - news articles, etc. I even take notes in google searches. At the end of the week, I bookmark all my tabs and close my browser windows, only to restart the process. I often find myself not reading most of these articles the first time or really any time in the future. A combination of anxiety and a fear of forgetting something valuable cause me to do this. I also take random notes here and there without really taking the time to synthesize them or review them - lately, it's seemed like I have written down every thought that has crossed my mind (on post-its, text files, browser tabs, etc.).\nHas anyone else experienced this? How have you coped with this?", "answer": "This is information hoarding. This is treated with CBT and ERP. It is manageable. As a start, if you havnt looked at a bookmarked tab in a week, delete it. Once you manage that, keep moving back the time until you are willing to close a tab after a few minutes when you havnt read it. \n\nAs a rule of thumb: if its so important, you'll remember or be reminded by someone. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "54oors", "comment_id": "54oors"}, {"question": "Need Resources ASAP! Starting to affect mental health.", "description": "19 years old\nMale\n5.9\n233 pounds\nWhite\n\nI'm currently living in Tennessee\n\nThrowaway for obvious reasons. I've been dealing with a STD for about a month now on my mouth and the head of my penis. \n\nSmall white bumps. \n\nit's made me into a recluse and is starting to affect my mental health. I don't know where to start looking for resources at all. My question is where and what kind of doctor should I call and bring this up with? Need responce ASAP.\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "See your primary care doctor whether it's a pediatrician, family practitioner, or internist. This is one of the reasons to have a primary doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9yiv0z", "comment_id": "9yiv0z"}, {"question": "HIV", "description": "So I saw a girl almost three weeks back. We had vaginal intercourse (protected) and I received oral (unprotected). Afterwards, she went to get a routine STD test. She came back negative for everything, except for hiv, which came back positive, then negative on the confirmatory test. Unaware of her true status, the doctors sent the test to a lab, who then confirmed it was negative through an RNA test, thus saying it was a false positive. This was a very traumatic incident for us, and caused me a great deal amount of stress. I went in and took an HIV-1 RNA early detection test, which stated that it had an accuracy of between 95-99% and would show results as early as between 9-11 days (I went on day 11, came back negative). Since the exposure, I have had what I believe to be oral thrush, mild migraines, and bad fatigue. Granted, I consistently got 4-5 hours of sleep every night last week, as well as very little sleep this past weekend due to military training. Do you think I'm most likely in the clear? This has caused me a great amount of stress (especially at the very start of the school year) and has caused others in my family stress. I am 5'10, 170, no outstanding past medical history.", "answer": "She had a negative test. Even if she had been positive, you had a negative test. There are no guarantees in medicine, but you're about as guaranteed not to have HIV as anyone sexually active can be.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9hah2q", "comment_id": "9hah2q"}, {"question": "AA - I\u2019m struggling", "description": "I\u2019ve been to 47 meetings in the last 8 weeks. Today is my 30th day without a drink. This is my longest period of sobriety since I started drinking in my late teens (I\u2019m in my early 40\u2019s now.) I could not have done this without the support of the rooms. I don\u2019t have a sponsor yet.\n\nI really want this programme to work for me but I\u2019m struggling where to go from here. I\u2019m a lifelong agnostic, I see organised religion as a form of power and control.  I\u2019ve heard AA is a spiritual not a religious organisation more times than I can count.  I struggle with the wording of the first paragraph of chapter 5 at the beginning of every meeting.\n\nI know the higher power can be anything I want it to be. I\u2019ve been using the knowledge, friendship and experience of the rooms as my higher power.  This has got me to where I am today.\n\nI just cannot make any headway with step 3, it just seems impenetrable to me. I know step 3 is \u201cGod [higher power] as we understood him\u201d  Am I meant to say none of this is my problem anymore, over to you higher power, and just shrug my shoulders?  \n\nI\u2019ve been to two different step groups on step 3 and nothing that was shared has given me any insight on how to progress further.\n\nSo, I\u2019m struggling with the steps and the spiritual / religious duality of AA.\n\nI\u2019m tired and feeling a bit defeated tonight, I\u2019m going to bed (sober.) Thanks for reading.\n\n\n\nEdit:\n\nThank you all for the lovely bunch of comments waiting for me to read this morning.  I'm feeling more positive and have lots of new opinions to mull over.   I know I need a sponsor and will hopefully be fixing that in the next few days.\n\nI've been over thinking things, I can choose not to drink today, everything else around me will happen regardless.  I really liked the comment \"willing to become willing to become willing\"\n\nI've also been worrying too much about defining my God / Higher Power.  I can't define what exactly about the rooms has helped me not drink for 30 days when nothing else worked, but something is there, and I'll accept it with gratitude.", "answer": "I feel you\u2019re struggle. I would say that getting a sponsor is the first thing that can be done to help you understand your questions. Step three only means that you have made a decision to go through the rest of the steps basically. The result of these steps is the spiritual awakening through turning out will over to the care of a higher power of our understanding. We learn to do that through working all of the steps. To try and understand it all without doing them is a lot to ask of yourself. I get the skepticism, believe me I do. But for me, I had to give it an honest shot if I wanted what others had. And that meant that I needed to get a sponsor and just keep an open mind and follow suggestions. If I felt like it didn\u2019t work then it\u2019s not like I would be any worse off than before. It\u2019s clear that the program works for so many, and it can work for you too if you give yourself to it. Wishing you the best. Hope this didn\u2019t come off as preachy or anything because that definitely wasn\u2019t my intention! That being said...definitely get a sponsor; that\u2019s where to make your beginning!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "ce4c1a", "comment_id": "ce4c1a"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "I'm a therapist. What you're experiencing is unfortunately normal... I always tell my patients it will often feel worse before it starts to get better. It's like lancing a wound-- very painful, but you need to do it to get the infection out.\n\nThat being said, talk to your therapist about your concern. Your therapist should be able to help you through this.\n\nGood luck. I know this isn't easy. It does get better.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "2g1mdm"}, {"question": "My SO of 7 years didn't get me anything for Christmas?!", "description": "He never has, but what bummed me out the most, is that he couldn't even take our 5 1/2 year old son to a store to pick something out for his mom. I had to buy it myself and make it from my son. It is like this for every holiday and birthday. This whole day has been depressing. Am I wrong to feel like this?", "answer": "not at all", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kbgu0", "comment_id": "5kbgu0"}, {"question": "He ignores me for PC game, then blames me for us not getting it on as often.", "description": "We have talked about spending time together more often, and in these talks I have brought up how it bothers me when he will ignore me for 5 + hours to play PC games. He becomes defensive but usually understands, and then the very next evening the same thing happens.\n\nMy job is pretty physically demanding so I usually come home after work pooped. I still want to spend time with him though, so I stay up waiting for him to finish but usually fall asleep before he is done. While I am up I try to talk to him, tell him I want him and missed him, etc. He kind of answers back but I can tell he is not paying attention.\n\nThe next day he always blames me for not getting laid, saying I am not as interested as before, I didnt even want him anyway, etc. I am not sure wtf I am supposed to do.", "answer": "[THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YicXGZ0fGCg) video might offer some assistance, if you're interested in trying to change this pattern.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5cvrfc", "comment_id": "5cvrfc"}, {"question": "How do you stop obsessions?", "description": "I am currently in the middle of a 3 year obsession with psychology, personality disorders, narcissism/Psychopathy and personality theories like MBTI. It\u2019s all my brain thinks about. It is completely all consuming. \n\nMy brain will say things like you are a narcissist, have ADHD and are a psychopath. It will completely lose itself in self-diagnosis. It will be all I think about. I\u2019ll try to be assessing if the person I am talking to is a narcissist. Or analyse past behaviour to see signs of psychopathy or Narcissism or ADHD. I will constantly gaslight myself. Oh do I have it or not? It will be extremely difficult to pin it down. It will be constantly going off in my head. I will become suspicious of people. I will be watching movies and trying to assess if the main character is a narcissist. It will just not stop. I will be constantly analysing my past to see if I can fit any labels on it. I have seen multiple psychologists and they have all told me I don\u2019t have it. In short psychology is all I think about. I just want closure on what I have. I will see everything as a diagnosis. It will just not stop. I\u2019ll read articles on psychology. I\u2019ll watch videos of people who have my personality style to see if I can copy them to become successful. All I will talk about is Narcissism or ADHD. I\u2019ve spent 3 years down this rabbit hole waking up each day to think oh maybe I\u2019ll figure this out now. It will be very difficult. I speak to therapists and they all unanimously say that I\u2019m fooling myself. \n\nI can\u2019t stop diagnosing my family members and others. I will put labels on people. I will come up \nWith new ways of diagnosing myself daily. I will watch or read some articles and then regurgitate them to my therapist. I\u2019ll think I have finally solved the puzzle of my personality and it will just be disappointing. I can\u2019t control my brain. Originally I got into psychology to figure myself out and then pick a career on that. I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m stuck going around in circles. It is never ending. I cannot stop. Help.", "answer": "Lol I became a psychologist and channelled it. ;)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "i4pmh4", "comment_id": "i4pmh4"}, {"question": "At 35, I nearly broke down realizing I achieved many lifelong goals after doing my taxes", "description": " \n\nLong read so just want to say thanks for taking your time to listen to this lone voice.  I am still so ecstatic I have been flying high for weeks now.  \n\n​\n\nShort version: \n\nI have no friends because of my work habits described below, but wanted to share that I made six figures last year, which was a life goal for me to make minimum 100k a year.  At 35, I finally moved out of my parents basement and bought a 3 bedroom house with a huge backyard in the Bay Area, where it is super expensive compared to the rest of the country.  I did that solo!  Got the money by working at my dream job that I been wanting since I was a kid, which I got hired last year.\n\n​\n\nLong version:\n\nI was born in a third world country literally washing my tidy whities and the rest of my clothes by hand on a washboard by the time I was 9. Made it to the US by the time I was 12.  Worked in home construction as soon as I got here while going to school.\n\n​\n\nI didn\u2019t know what I wanted to do when I graduated high school but I had hobbies.  All mean while my parents are still struggling. I have no idea how we manage to get to this country in the first place with the little money we had from our home country. Every dime I make goes back to the household.\n\n​\n\nI moved into the basement because it is a one bedroom house and since I was a kid my parents gave me the bedroom. They would sleep on a futon in the living room that they would pull out daily until I was 15.  I told them I was moving into the basement.  This house was built in the 40s so the basement has no way of entrance from the inside of the house only from the outside.  Just a plank wood that would be considered a door.  With a latch to keep it close.  I would wear layers everyday. Spiders, bugs, and rats were common. The house is old and has many holes.\n\n​\n\nMy mom was diagnosed with PTSD and was having trouble finding work.  My dad was also having trouble finding a steady job and trying to take care of my mom.\n\n​\n\nAround this time I make a pact to myself.  I was tired of going to sleep hungry.  I was tired of watching my parents struggle and not enjoy life.  I was tired of being broke. Those hunger pains motivated me.  I wanted to make good money doing a job I love doing.\n\n​\n\nI was lucky and got through the citizenship process and got my citizenship after paying thousands. I went to art school hoping it would get me closer to my dream of my hobby being my career.  I did this while working as a server at a restaurant, working in retail, and having to commute to San Francisco for school.  I also had to brush off all the people who laughed on why I was going to art school and chasing an illusion.  Not only doubting my skills but if I ever will be working in that industry.  I now know that those negative people are too small minded to think larger than me and they try to set their own limitations on me.\n\n​\n\nAfter graduating I was able to get a job at a major studio in the area but in the lowest position.  Not even using my degree. Interns had it better than me.  I didn\u2019t care though because to me I was in the door.  Though my contributions were minuscule on the overall project, I can say my name is on the rolling credits on some top entertainment pieces that are considered classics now.  I was proud and for that I did it for $9hr with a 2-3 hour commute, one way.  I was a contract worker so I knew my time was always limited but luckily the studio would always call me back after 3 months. CA law you have to wait at least 3 months to hire back a contract worker.\n\n​\n\nAfter doing this for many, many years! I was fed up.  They kept promising full time every time I would come back but it never came through.  They would give me a bit more money every time I would come back for a new contract but only a few cents some times.\n\n​\n\nI must add that I have diagnosed Insomnia, depression, and anorexia.  So this type of work did feed into my own issues.  I didn\u2019t want to go home and there was plenty of work to do.  I would easily do average 80 hour weeks.  I was a true workaholic and not in a good way when someone puts that trying to be cute on their Bumble profile.  When I was at home I would work on my own projects.  I had to change all my clocks to 24hr format because I would close the two tiny window in the basement for days and it would be pitch black.  I wouldn\u2019t know if it was AM or PM or what day it was.  I would just work non stop.\n\n​\n\nI fell into a deep state where I would just go to the boxing gym, come home and smoke weed, and work all night.  This was my daily routine up to a couple of years ago.  I stopped dating years ago because asking someone back to my parents basement doesn\u2019t sound like a turn on.  And work was more important to me.\n\n​\n\nFast forward to 3 years ago, I got a job doing mindless grunt work but at a different tiny studio and making some decent money.  I would still go home everyday hating myself and questioning my path and career choices I had made.  Though it never stopped me from working on my own projects when at home.  Mostly because I just wanted to keep my mind busy and again because I am a workaholic.\n\n​\n\nIn this new studio, I make some great contacts that finally listen to me when I tell them I have untapped skills.  I finally get my shot and prove right. I get promoted to the jr title I have been working for since art school, though at a tiny studio working on a tiny project.  My ambitions have always been bigger.\n\n​\n\nNow fast forward to last year.  The contacts I made move to a new company that has millions in funding, but has the capacity to drop billions. Yes, with a \u201cb\u201d: billions. They offer a me a job of a lifetime! They gave me stock in this billion dollar company, a $18k+ signing bonus, and a six figure salary.  What is great that even within this huge billion dollar company the fellow employees do not know that this department existed.  Followed by how they can get in on it.  I truly have a job that I love and rare to find!  Check that off the fucking list!\n\n​\n\nMy parents now make enough money to sustain themselves.  Though I was able to achieve my goal of making enough money to take care of them and buy a 3 bedroom house with a huge backyard for my dog and I.  I asked them to move in with me, but they understand I have sacrificed so much for them. \n\n​\n\nNow I just sit under my lemon tree in my backyard while smoking a blunt and watching my dog enjoy having the leg room to run around.  All while going to a job that I love so much where I do what I always wanted and basically \u201cmake stuff up that is fun\u201d for living.\n\n​\n\nNext up is to make at least a million dollars a year. But not before first taking on the most toughest battle; the dating scene...", "answer": "Congratulations! That\u2019s very exciting!! You should be very proud!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bf90px", "comment_id": "bf90px"}, {"question": "My husband voluntarily committed himself", "description": "He checked himself into VA inpatient treatment this weekend. I was able to visit him yesterday after calling ahead and talking to his nurse, but it was a surprise to him when I came in (I thought the nurse would have told him I was coming in). It was nice to see him, but the visit seemed to make him feel homesick.\n\nI'm definitely an anxious person myself, so I've been thinking/worrying about him. The dilemma I'm having is that I'm not sure how often I should be visiting/calling. I really want to talk to him everyday, but I'm not sure if that's what's best for him.\n\nAny advice on calling/visiting, or any questions I should be asking the nurse before visiting again?", "answer": "I assuming he had PTSD. If so, I would highly recommend EMDR or neuro feedback to treat. It cuts traditional \u201ctalk\u201d therapy time in half!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "btykcy", "comment_id": "btykcy"}, {"question": "Feeling upset my bf [24 M] of 7 years doesn't want to move in together. [22 F]", "description": "English isn't my first language so bear with me. So here is my story, I am 22 dating a 24 year old amazing guy. We've know each other for about 7 years. We have an amazing relationship. Just last week I asked him if we can move in together because I think it's time. He said he wasn't ready it's a huge commitment. TF! We've been together for 7 years now thats a bigger commitment. \n\nI'm not sure how to deal with this. I need advice ever since he said he's not ready I've been a little distant with him. What bugs me more is that he seems really happy where he's at right now living with his dad and he didn't give me a solid reason. I so confused about all this. Not sure where to take it from here. ", "answer": "he should have moved in or married you after 1 year.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nbevd", "comment_id": "6nbevd"}, {"question": "Marriage therapy", "description": "My SO is bipolar.  The past 2 years have been hell.  Major rage, anger, & paranoia.  He's on meds and has a therapist, whom he has been seeing for about 6 months. He does not let me go to any of his appointments because he thinks I'll ruin his perfect patient image.  He comes off warm and caring and open to his doctors, but with me and his family he is completely different and blames everything on us and everything is a trigger to him.  We recently started seeing a marriage therapist and to him, it's ok to stay things about me that are cruel and untrue because I deserve it.  But when I bring up any of my feelings or issues, he cannot acknowledge they exist and that how I feel is unimportant or not right.  He also will still try and act like a complete saint while in a session with me, but once we leave, he just starts raging on me.  The whole ride home plus another 3o-60 minutes he raged on me calling me a liar and that I made him look bad and then proceeds to say all kinds of nasty things, rather screams them.  I had valid issues he doesn't seem to care about.  It's all him and what he wants and if he doesn't get it, he feels justified on terrorizing me for days.  So now I've ruined Christmas because I brought up an issue I wanted addressed and hopefully the therapist would have a solution.  So now I sit, 6 hours later while he gets drunk and rages.  When a couple like us comes into a marriage counseling session, can they see that one person feels completely censored and afraid to say anything to upset the other person?  Can they see that one person feels so verbally and emotionally abused that they will tow the line at any cost?  Can they see that they are afraid to bring up any topic regarding abuse because they know if they do, the next day to month will be hell because that person has brought up a valid issue and the one accused will make the punishment unbearable.  I don't see this ever helping when my significant other refuses to take any responsibility.", "answer": "Do you have your own therapist?  First off, as a therapist, when I see things that look this severe, I generally won't work with a couple unless they are both seeing their own therapist who isn't me.\n\n\nIt sounds like you really need support right now.  You've used the word abuse in your OP so it doesn't seem like it's news to you that you're in an abusive relationship.  \n\n\nRemember, every day that you stay in your relationship is a choice  that you've made because every single day you could also choose to leave.  Seeing your own therapist might help you figure out why you continue to choose to stay and help you cope with the hardship or give you the license and courage to leave if that's what you decide is best for you.  \n\n\nBest of luck and take care!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "a850l6", "comment_id": "a850l6"}, {"question": "So I don\u2019t think I have OCD, but...", "description": "I would describe it more as a habit developed at a young age that became more compulsive as I grew older. I started \u201cevening things out\u201d I guess you could say, between my left and rights sides. Say, if I touched something on my right side, I had to touch it with my left. \n\nBut it\u2019s not just that, I always have to end on my left side. So if I start on my left, I have to end on my left (i.e. left/right/right/left). It\u2019s not necessarily a compulsion, I\u2019m not afraid if I\u2019m not able to complete the pattern, but I do feel very uncomfortable if I can\u2019t. \n\nAlso, it\u2019s transmitted its way into other facets of my life. From a young age, I was able to see words in my head, then pronounce them phonetically backwards. Kind of a useless ability, but something I was born with nonetheless. I started to take these words, backwards, and divide them into equal parts, by number of letters. Say, the word reversed for example. Backwards, it\u2019s desrever. So, I would divide it into equal numbers (de-sr-ev-er). Then, I would divide it into different equal parts \n(des-r-eve-r and d-esr-e-ver respectively) and so on. If I don\u2019t finish this pattern, I feel on edge. \n\nSo, TL;DR I\u2019ve got certain compulsions, linguistically and physically, that if I don\u2019t complete, I feel nervous, but not scared. Any thoughts?", "answer": "Rule of thumb: if it's not a problem, it's not a problem. When it starts taking excessive time or becomes unmanageable, it may be time to do something about it.   ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "79ucuv", "comment_id": "79ucuv"}, {"question": "Sudden heart racing... is it dangerous?", "description": "I was doing heavy bench pressing and after one of the sets my heart started pounding super fast and hard all of a sudden (about 180 per minute). I was not out of breath, nor did I feel tired. The heart rate would not go down.\n\nI decided to leave the gym, and after about 10 minutes my heart rate finally dropped.\n\nThis is not the first time. It happened to me last week as I was doing heavy deadlifts. Both time, it took about 15 minutes before my heart rate went back to normal. My normal rest heart rate is around 70.\n\nShould I stop weight training for a while and start doing some steady cardio (I'm in my early 30s, 6'2, 220lbs)?\n\nI don't drink coffee at all. My life is pretty steady and I'm not stressed by anything. I get around 8 hours sleep per night.\n", "answer": "Hm. You should probably see a doctor. Could be a number of things, including heart block.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5x1cd8", "comment_id": "5x1cd8"}, {"question": "How do I stop being so hard on myself?", "description": "I constantly feel like a complete and total failure at basically everything. I was thinking that I  was feeling this way because I was being lazy and unproductive but I've been trying really hard to at least do something productive every day. I'm still working on it but logically I know that I'm at least doing something. \n\nFor example, today I worked on my schoolwork, did some laundry and worked on crocheting a nest for rescued birds in Australia. But instead of feeling good about any of the things I did, I'm internally criticizing myself for not doing more.\n\nI feel like this inner voice comes from my grandparents who raised me and always expected perfection. Everything always had to be so clean and I had to get straight As and do sports and play piano. They weren't abusive and they gave me a good life that my mother couldn't give me and I'm so grateful for that but I just feel like I'll never be able to get their voices out of my head always telling me I need to do better and do more and be better and I  just feel like I'm never going to be happy. Part of me is so mad at them for this even though I know they were just doing their best. But then I feel guilty for being mad at them because they gave me such a good life and they didnt have to. Ugh my head is such a mess right now.", "answer": "Music is my biggest coping skill.\n\nHere's a playlist I made on giving myself compassion\n\nhttps://open.spotify.com/playlist/6CWFXETZYy7crWluf0x0u9?si=Xnv7m16vRAyTZw3Yk4tloQ\n\nI know everyone's music taste is very specific to themselves so if you like the concept maybe you can make your own playlist \ud83e\udd37 keep going lovely \u2600", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "em8uvx", "comment_id": "em8uvx"}, {"question": "I (30m) cheated on my gf (30f) and she cheated on me. 3.5 years. Should I stay or go?", "description": "So I\u2019ve been dating this girl for 3.5 years and we/were very much in love. Marriage was discussed many times. We both thought we were the best thing ever. She was obsessed with me and i was obsessed with her. About 4 months ago we started having problems. We argued a lot more than usual and they were usually bad. About 2 months ago she called me stressed about her job and how she wasn\u2019t happy with her career. I told her to quit and I\u2019d support her since I make more than enough money. So she did. Then she tells me she wants to go study abroad to learn Spanish and just to refocus. Like a good boyfriend who trust her, I support her fully. We get everything set up for the trip and a week prior she starts getting stressed out. Which in turn stresses me. I tell myself no matter how stressed she gets just be there and be supportive. But it was hard bc she\u2019d get snappy and treat me bad. I sucked it up bc I knew it wouldn\u2019t be long before she was in the country in question and the stress would subside. I just had to stick it out. Btw she has 3 more weeks of online college courses that she\u2019s stressed about too. She had told me the day before she was sorry if she had been bitchy and that she appreciated my help. She asked for a pass for the last day to basically be mean bc she knew she\u2019d be stressed. Well I try my best to support her and not snap back when she gets bratty but literally hours before an early morning flight we get in one of the worst arguments we\u2019ve ever had.We make up on the ride to the airport. She gets to the country and she\u2019s still stressed obviously. We talk everyday for 2 weeks. I was starting a new project at work and she was being reasonably needy as she hardly spoke Spanish and she had schoolwork. I tried giving her the attention she needed. I even did a 6 page report for her! She would try and talk to me bc she needed attention but I was busy that week (mostly reading the 3 books and writing the report, for her) Well the Friday of the end of the 2 weeks I had finished the report and was relieved that finally she wouldn\u2019t be stressed and we both could relax. She calls me asking for more help on the project. I literally had done the whole thing and she wanted me to fix the format. I couldn\u2019t help it and got aggravated. I mean seriously, she couldn\u2019t do that one thing? Bc i was aggravated she accused me of seeing someone. But i wasn\u2019t and it pissed me off bc i had dedicated almost all my time to helping her that week. I didn\u2019t have time for me much less someone else. We got in another bad argument and this time she considers breaking up. I wasn\u2019t ready for that. We made up over the phone the next day and everything seemed to go back to normal. So I should prob take break here and flash back to a week before and before I started the schoolwork for her. I had messed up. I was feeling very overwhelmed bc of the situation and it seemed no matter how hard I tried to comfort her my efforts were not enough. I felt unappreciated and i didn\u2019t feel respected. So I happened to be going to a town 2hrs away where I had worked on a project and needed to clean out my apt. I met up with some former coworkers that night and I got a little too friendly with a girl I knew. I had become good friends with the girl during that work project. I had consulted her for relationship advice a few months prior. She knew I loved my gf and our relationship was completely platonic. I know I probably should not have and my gf had know idea. Anyway I got wasted that night and she walked me up to my apt. I tried to kiss her but she stopped me. She knew I loved my gf and that I wasn\u2019t myself. Next morning I woke up and felt horrible. I couldn\u2019t let my gf find out, at least not while she was out of country. It would be too much. I text the girl and let her know it wasn\u2019t her fault but I could never contact her again. K back to the last Friday. So we made up. At least I thought. We were in the middle of texting while she was out with some friends she had met and suddenly just stopped talking. Didn\u2019t contact me til next morning. She said the WiFi had cut out. But something wasn\u2019t right. She always makes sure I know she\u2019s ok. Anyway that Monday at work she text me and tells me she needs to concentrate on why she\u2019s there and starts saying she\u2019s still hurt by everything and needs space. She still loves me and doesn\u2019t  want to break up. That Tuesday she said she no longer wanted me to visit her and fly back with her. Well to make a long story a little shorter. I find out she was with a guy. She had met him that night apparently. They made out all night and he got breakfast. She said the only reason she didn\u2019t have sex was bc they had no condom. The next day they ate breakfast and she told him she has a boyfriend and he said it was ok. She said it was not and supposedly has not seen him since. Even though they became Facebook friends a week later. I have a hard time believing she didn\u2019t sleep with him. It is worth noting I found out bc after 2 weeks of her basically not being herself and showing me no affection like normal I became suspicious. It\u2019s not my proudest moment but I guessed her fb password and saw the message b/w her and a friend saying she met a guy and described the night to her. About how amazing it was. Not specifically that she slept with him. Just that they made out all night...then got breakfast. She never said a thing about me or confessed guilt. I wondered if I was the only one who was not told we had broke up. I confronted my gf and gave her every opportunity to admit what had happened. She still lied and even tried to lie after I told her I saw her fb. She eventually fessed up. So I did what i thought was the right thing and told her what i had done. Again long story short. We talked on video chat for hours. I was done with her bc of her reactions. They seemed disgenuine. She tried to shift the guilt on me saying mine was worse bc we werent having problems. But she eventually she shifted and started begging to start over. And started apologizing. She also invited me to come there her last week and fly back with her. I just don\u2019t know. So confused. Do we try? She has 5 more weeks before I arrive. Btw we are both 30 and we have no kids. I love her so much. Neither one of has ever come close to cheating before. I know bc she has never given me reason to suspect. She\u2019s always been more head over heels. She used to always say she loved me way more, jokingly. I can\u2019t help but feel that bc I wasn\u2019t being as close to her and maybe not giving her all my attention I pushed her to this. On the flip side I treated her that way bc I felt she was being unreasonable at times. I never feel like I can just tell her no. I mean I just knew in my gut what was happening.  She insist she never actually had sex. She justifies it bc she says she felt disconnected and she didn\u2019t think it was going to work. Before I found out She also told me she didn\u2019t want to break up bc she didn\u2019t want to make a decision she would regret. But I\u2019m like and cheating wasnt? Should I try if she's willing or do I walk away?\n", "answer": "if there's still substance, go to counseling and work it out", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788mjq", "comment_id": "788mjq"}, {"question": "Would this be acceptable?", "description": "I frequently visit a supermarket and the girl behind the register and me have small talk all day long. She told me she has a resit for a history exam which she struggles with. Now I have been giving tutoring in English (speaking) and History for about two years now. \n\nWould it be okay if I offered to tutor her and give her my phone number? If so, how could I best offer it? \n\nI'm afraid it will come over as flirting, which isn't my intention.", "answer": "I think it's totally acceptable to mention to her that you are a tutor.  Give her your information and tell her to contact you if you want any help.  Do you tutor as a job for money?  If so, you should get some sort of business cards.  \n\n\nIf your true intent is to help her and isn't romantic, then just be all business about it.  If your intent is romantic, I'd say forget the whole tutoring thing and just ask her out on a date (ie.  Well when you're all done how about we meet up to go do ______________ to celebrate?)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "emv2pu", "comment_id": "emv2pu"}, {"question": "Finally facing this .....", "description": "Hello!\n\nSo I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over a year ago. You would think that I would have been happy to have an explination for the weigh gain, hair growth in weird places, missing periods, etc. I thought I was fine with having an expliantion. I took my perscription for the BCP and Metformin, and left the doctors office. I proceeded to read about PCOS and think \"Wow! Finally an explination.\" Then I proceeded to do nothing. \n\nSo as I said, its over a year later. I think I am finally ready to try to take control of this. My weight is out of control and I am uncomfortable. I am sick of the waxing appointments to deal with the hair growth. I just want to feel better. \n\nSo I have decided to follow the keto diet, and it has been about 4 weeks. I have not been perfect on it. I have cheated on the diet, and I still crave carbs. I have lost 21 pounds. Some of that weight loss may be the extreme work stress I have been under. \n\nNext steps are to start taking my perscriptions, and to start exercising. ", "answer": "Good job! Keep us posted on your progress. It's really hard to take initiative and 21 pounds is a great accomplishment. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3jv0yq", "comment_id": "3jv0yq"}, {"question": "How do you break your concentration when you are hyperfocused on things? I use the computer too much for this reason. ", "description": "I become hyperfocused by reading things I am interested in online and I don't do things around my house. ", "answer": "[ThunderBall](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15m_i6QPAXE)", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "xbg97", "comment_id": "xbg97"}, {"question": "Girl keeps catcalling me as a joke and im nOt into it", "description": "I (13f) keep getting catcalled and shit by a girl in my grade (8th btw)\nI'll me in math class and she'll say \"hey, your pretty hot! Can i date you?\" And then she'll start laughing and say \"just kidding haha\"\n\nIts getting on my nerves tbh. She asks if im dating anyone and constantly asks who my crush is. I tell her to stop and she wont. I cant tell if she likes me or if she's taunting me and it pisses me off. If she likes me, no big deal, tell her i dont like her move on. If shes taunting me (which im pretty sire she is) then that'll be harder to resolve. I just want to get through math class without being humiliated in front of everyone.", "answer": "Tell her again, firmly, to stop. \n\nThen go to your teacher or another trusted adult and ask them to talk to her about it. If it's making you uncomfortable it needs to stop.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e65u6e", "comment_id": "e65u6e"}, {"question": "Looking for opinion on my mental health", "description": "Hi first time posting. Went to doctor recently to get an opinion on my mental Heath have been referred to phychiatrist but have not been yet, wondering if I can get an opinion on here before I go. Here goes.... I have trouble concentrating at work my mind is always wondering/ procrastinating. I have always been a heavy over thinker and I think very fast also read fast, always feel in a hurry. I have bad memory because I'm always overthinking I forget where I place things/what I'm doing, things like people's names go right through my head. I find it very had to clear my head like I never have calm in my thoughts. I get irritated easy. I feel like my overthinking wears me out. I've always had trouble following instructions I.e plans I find it a lot easier to learn hands on. I always have plans to start hobbies like build a bar get into spearfishing etc but quickly lose interest. I have trouble getting to sleep and wake up during the night and find my brain racing. My thoughts aren't worries usually just random things, unless I'm stressed out then I find myself winding myself up over small problems and repeating my thoughts. My mother suffers from depression/ anxiety although I don't feel depressed I thought I'd put that in there. I'm also a lot better and mind is clearer out of work or if I'm doing something I enjoy.\n I intend on writing this all down and taking it to the phychiatrist to help explain myself.\n\nAny feedback/opinions would be much appreciated, thanks for reading.", "answer": "Some of your symptoms sound like a manic episode to me...but I don't have enough info from your post to say that with certainty.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "49rnuo", "comment_id": "49rnuo"}, {"question": "How to stop habits I can not stop?( Mental advice )", "description": "First I would like to make it clear that I am not asking anyone to diagnose me, but I know you guys might have experience with this topic.  I do not believe I have OCD. Basically I have these \"habits\" that I need to follow since I was very young. I am going to write about my history here: \nWhen I was younger (Less than 10 years old) I remember experiences in which I felt I NEEDED to touch things I touched with one hand, with both. I remember I felt incomplete if I didn't ( same now ).\nThe touching with two hands went away for a few years, and then similar habits came back, went away, came back, went away, and came back, but this time for the longest period of time. \nSo now I'll write about what I experience now, I have to follow the numbers 3, 4, 9, and 1. \n-Almost everything I do revolves around these numbers (ex. rinsing my face has to be done 3 times or 9 times, if I turn a light off and back on, having to do that two more times , twisting caps has to be done 3 times, if I touch something twice I have to do it more until I reach one of my numbers, if I make a typo then I type it 2 more times to achieve the number 3, if I go back and forth from a room I have to do that again 2 more times to reach the number 3, and much more than this but I don't want to keep writing about it)\n-Repeating phrases until one of my numbers is reached or until I feel \"just right\" which is sometimes frustrating because It's hard to feel right\n-I have a hand cleaning ritual, which in the past has left my hands completely cracked peeling and a little bloody, however I do not feel this is an excessive amount of time even though I wash longer than everyone else in the bathroom\n-Doing any cleaning chore, such as washing dishes or sweeping takes me way longer than it should. I clean every crevasse at least 3 times when doing dishes and have to make sets of 3 when sweeping.\nThe touching things 3 or more times is probably the biggest issue because it has started involving almost everything in my life, even counting seconds in my head so that I touch or hold objects for at least 3 seconds. \nTo clarify, the number 1 is only allowable after another number is reached, for example, If I rinse my face three times im allowed to rinse it once more, but I cannot only rinse once at first and be done.\nAlso, the numbers are the main guidelines\" I have to follow, however they sometimes are disregarded if I have to complete something until I feel complete, which doesn't happen often.\nStress makes these habits much worse. \nI'm worried people are going to notice my habits on computers when I go back to school ( in high school / people already started noticing my habits but haven't thought much of it ), family will because it's obvious even though they haven't yet, and that they will get worse because they already are. \nI'm not sure if this relates but one of the scariest things to deal with is when I get these thoughts that me doing something will harm someone else, such as touching a family member's plate or being near the food will make them sick and possibly kill them. \nSimply stopping is not possible for me so is there anything else  I can do? \nThanks ", "answer": "As a psychiatrist, it does sound OCDish and needs formal assessment. Certain antidepressants, antipsychotics, and psychological therapy helps, but given the length of time you have had it, it may be a case of getting control of the symptoms rather than removing them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4vg2rd", "comment_id": "4vg2rd"}, {"question": "Possibly overdosed on a MAOI. Having amphetamine-like effects 24/7 now + severe tachycardia&hypertension when eating chocolate - what should I do?", "description": "**TL;DR:** A study said ethanolic [Garlic Extract is a MAOI](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792615/), I started eating 6-7 cloves of garlic daily for this effect (today is day 8). On days 3 and 5 I ate chocolate, and both times my heart rate shot up to ~130 BPM and blood pressure to ~150/85. Past few days, I've been feeling a 24/7 amphetamine-like drug high - focus, irritability, heart palpitations, high resting heart rate (85-90 BPM). Last time I ate Garlic was 24 hours ago, yet I still experience these symptoms. I fear that the MAOIs in garlic are irreversible - if so, could it possibly take 2-3 weeks for my symptoms to resolve (until new MAO enzymes are made)? What is the appropriate treatment until symptoms resolve? (Been taking Oxazepam after the chocolate-tachycardia, but can't take it daily because of withdrawal concerns).\n\n****\n\nAge: 24\n\nSex: Male\n\nI have been reading [a study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792615/) saying garlic has antidepressant effects in rats, and that it works by MAO inhibition, with comparable potency to the clinical MAOI Imipramine. Because of this, I proceeded to eat 6-7 cloves of raw garlic daily for 1 week, for the antidepressant effects.\n\nI did feel stimulant-like, mild-antidepressant effects already on the first day, so I kept eating such amounts of garlic for a week. However, on Day 3, I had an incident where I ate chocolate, and got a mild version of \"hypertensive crisis\" - my heart rate shot up to 134 BPM, my blood pressure to 148/86 (my usual: 100/60). I immediately took 20mg oral Oxazepam and my vitals normalized. I didn't link it to the garlic, and so on Day 5, I ate chocolate and the same thing happened again, and Oxazepam helped me again. \n\nToday I finally made the connection. The last time I ate garlic was 24 hours ago. Looking back, I realize that in the past few days, I've had pronounced amphetamine-like effects that lasted the entire day, every day, for at least 3-4 days. Focus, irritability, heart palpitations/\"flutters\", high resting heart rate - most of the effects. I took Adderall in the past, and I currently feel very similar to how the Adderall made me feel.\n\nThis makes me very concerned. My high resting heart rate (85-90 BPM) gives me a lot of discomfort, and the palpitations are worrying. Since I know many MAOIs can be irreversible, my biggest fear is that the MAOIs in garlic are also irreversible. In this case, does it mean it will take a few weeks for my symptoms to resolve? If so, what would be the treatment during those few weeks? I obviously cannot keep taking a benzodiazepine every time my heart rate spikes up, because then I'll develop withdrawals.\n\nSo, what should I do?", "answer": "Although it's hard to compare, to get equivalent doses to what the mice were getting you would probably have to eat several entire bulbs of garlic. There's also nothing to suggest that garlic is an irreversible MAO inhibitor that could have the effects seen in MAOIs, and such an effect would probably be known from garlic's heavy culinary use.\n\nBut still, stop eating garlic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aiu592", "comment_id": "aiu592"}, {"question": "Mental health concern", "description": "Sex: Male\nAge:18\nHeight: 5\u201910\nWeight: 170lb\nRace: Arab American \nDuration: four months \nNo medical issues \n\nLately I have been having extremely pessimistic thoughts to the point where it\u2019s slowly starting to affect my life. I\u2019ve somehow become a hardcore nihilist out of nowhere. It\u2019s so strange, but it feels like I can\u2019t enjoy life because I know I\u2019ll just end up dying and being old and frail. I just feel like life has no meaning right now. I\u2019m wondering if this could just be a phase and I can wait it out, or if this is something I should see a psychologist for. \n\nIf this helps, I\u2019ve been using marijuana for the past few months. Getting high about twice a day nearly everyday. Is there any possibly of those feelings stemming from THC use? I don\u2019t feel dependent to it at all and I can, and have, just stopped using it for a day or two and been fine. \n\nThanks.", "answer": "Could be depression. Does it run in the family? Cannabis is not harmless, could be related. How are you functioning (work/school/relationships)?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbma2f", "comment_id": "bbma2f"}, {"question": "(23/m) my girlfriend (20/f) moral dilemma regarding appropriate life choices", "description": "im 23 yrs old and live in southern california. my gf is 20 and she lives here too but is currently studying abroad in central america. she goes to college too but also not in the city we both live so shes usually gone for 4 months at a time twice a year. ive started going to college myself and since have gotten 10 times busier with work and school combined. shes a full time student as well and is going to start her last year after returning from her trip. usually she would stay for the summer then return to school in the fall leaving us about 4 months to spend together before she left again and everytime she has to leave it gets that much harder. she told me recently that she got a job offer from one of her old professors and if she takes the job she would come back for only one month before starting school again and this new job is going to be in the same city she goes to school in. which means if she accepted we will only have seen each other for a little less than 2 months out of the whole year of 2017. we both love each other very much and we've been faithful to each other from the best of my knowlege. lately ive been considering the huge possibility that i impose a detriment on her life if she ever had to pick between me and her future.this new job shes been trying to get for some time and it would definitely sky rocket her real world experience and serve as an extremely important qualification for future jobs in her field. she tells me that being out of her hometown for so long has motivated her to keep the ball rolling and keep jumping into new experiences and basically wants to live life to its fullest rather than take it slow, semester by semester. she talks about not wanting to live in our hometown anymore and wants to get the most out of her life while she still can. i feel like the distance is hitting me harder. sometimes i feel like i should break it off so she wont have to consider coming back as much. ive told her countless times that she has every right to put her career and her future ahead of everything. she's agreed and says thats what she plans on doing. i have no doubt that she loves me as much as i love her but lately im feeling like if i werent in her life then she'd have an easier time pursuing everything she wants to.  in the future ill be in the same situation where my job or school might take me to new places and we'd have to split up yet again. my question is should i keep waiting, continue to support her decisions and keep letting her go hoping she'll come back. or should i break it off and try to make the emotional strain easier on us both. i want to do everything i can to hold on to what we have and id put her happiness before mine any day. i know im miserable not being able to come home to her everyday, and im sure shes dealing with it in her way as well. i dont wanna be a burden to her progress but then again i don't wanna break up with her and have that tear her up emotionally and risk us not being able to be friends either. her future has always been brighter than mine and and i need to do everything i can to help her. i do however, have my life to consider. what should i do? wait or make the hardest decision ive had to make in my life and leave her?             ", "answer": "we all have to make the choices we need to make. you make yours and she'll make hers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5zp7pe", "comment_id": "5zp7pe"}, {"question": "How do I make myself go gym?", "description": "I started my membership of a gym in london (\"the gym\" north harrow) back in june. I went twice a week for that month, going for less and less and for shorter periods of time afterwards too. First time I went I used all the machines and pushed myself hard as possible and ended up throwing up outside the gym which was pretty horrible. Anyway after june throughout july and august I barely went once a week. The last time I went was the 14th of august. I'm not obese or dying or anything..just overweight and wanted to get fit. When I use to go I sorta made my own routine as I went along, it usually went something like running a mile, lifting the dum bells (7/8/9 kg each) and bar bells (20-30kg) for as long as I could until I couldn't lift anymore. Plus using some machines to pad out time. Obviously I made no progress and I am just dissapointed in myself and want to go often and get a routine. Unfortunately there isn't anybody I can go with, I have some gym friends but they go to other gyms and I tried to remember the routine in the sidebar but only remembered to do the lunges and just couldn't keep track of all the reps and techniques and forms and shit. I want to go to the gym and make real progress, I really do, but I can't seem to ever leave my house when I am in it. I have school 4 days of the week (finish early monday) and work until late night on tuesdays and wednesdays after school so my free time is split between school work, musical instruments and playing games. I know I have more than enough time for the gym and I want to go. I'm 17 and in a2 (year before uni) for reference. How can I make myself go and remember the exercises? ", "answer": "Put on your gym clothes and go every single day. If you don't feel like working out, just stretch. Get limber. Don't eat shitty food cuz it will make you feel tired. Drink a lot of water. And just go", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3lthiy", "comment_id": "3lthiy"}, {"question": "My best friend(20F) is in love with me(24M)", "description": "I met her when she was a freshman in high school and I was a senior. She had no friends and would just sit alone and draw pictures by herself. I met her when some guy snatched her notebook with all her drawings in it away from her. He and his friends were looking through all the pictures laughing. So I just walked up and told him that he better give it back(I've always been a tall intimidating person.) He gave it back, said sorry and walked away. Ever since then her and I have been best friends. She was like a little sister sort of. She hangs with my group and is like one of the guys. Even after I graduated I would pick her up from school most days and we would just hang out. I've seen every anime in existence because of her. She's super pretty and is the coolest girl ever. Last year she was almost raped walking home late at night. She messaged me that she thought she was being watched and followed. I got no response back when I asked if she was okay so I drove the route that she usually would walk home. I saw her things on the ground and thought the worse had happened. I found a car nearby in this empty parking lot and heard noises. When I opened the door her shirt was ripped open, she was bottomless, his hand was around her neck and she was resisting. I beat him so bad that he needed emergency care. It's been really rough for her ever since. She doesn't trust anyone but me and has panic attacks. The guy she was in a relationship with at the time it happened left her because she was \"too much to handle.\" Earlier today she sent \"I love you. I've always loved you.\" I wasn't thinking that kind of love because we tell each other that we love each other in a friends way. So I just replied with \"I love ya too\" and she sent \"no, I REALLY love you.\" Then she sent \"sorry\" and just changed the subject and hasn't brought it up since. \n\nI've never really thought her that way. I mean she is beautiful and amazing and the girl I care about most but I always saw her as a little sister. Just wondering how I should go about this and if she is really in love with me or if this has anything to do with her almost being raped. ", "answer": "remain her best friend. she's going through a hard time. just gently maintain the platonic bf and tell her it's best for both of you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnfii", "comment_id": "5mnfii"}, {"question": "What is normal behavior when it comes to making eye contact, and how can I train myself to make eye contact more often?", "description": "I am not a complete social reject, and tend to get along reasonably well with people. However one thing I have an immensely hard time with is making eye contact with people. Unless I devote a huge amount of my focus to reminding myself \"No! Look them in the eye!\", I will probably be looking away in a conversation. Then when I *do* look someone in the eye I have no idea how long I should do it for. Doing it for any extended period of time just feels like some sort of intense uncomfortable staredown, but looking away feels like hiding in shame. Nothing feels right when it comes to eye contact for me except avoiding it altogether, except I know that is not good.\n\nWhat is normal? If two people with good social skills are talking to each other, how much eye contact will they be making? I am operating under the assumption that I don't make enough eye contact, though I'd love it if I were wrong about that. Assuming I am right...what can I do to try to learn to do it better?", "answer": "Perhaps this [guide to eye contact](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/how-to-make-eye-contact) will help? :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13zd6s", "comment_id": "13zd6s"}, {"question": "Married with 2 children... And problems.", "description": "26 year old male here with a wife that's 23. We have a beautiful daughter that's 4 and a son 7 months. This is our fourth year of marriage. \n\nI feel as if I'm drifting away from my wife emotionally and physically as we have been at each other's throats consistently for what feels like the past few years. I don't know what to do. We've split up multiple times (only about a week in duration each) in hopes that some distance would make us want to change our ways. \n\nHere are some reasons why I think I should call it quits.\n\nBoth of us are lazy which effects the cleanliness of the household.\nShe does not trust me. She's consistently badgering me about when to come home from work or friendly gatherings and interrogating me when I'm late. \nWe don't respect each other. Constant name calling.\nWe don't have sex.\nLittle things take us over the edge.\nI am non-confrontational with a tendency to blow up.\nShe is very confrontational and she does not let up when she's angry. \nIn turn that makes me say some stupid shit and then I end up dodging punches.\nShe doesn't like to give me my alone time.\nBoth of us are stubborn as fuck.\nWe fight in front of the kids.\nI don't want my children to grow up thinking that this type of relationship is normal.\n\nThis isn't a financial issue. Also it's not another woman on my part. \n\nMy parents have been married for the past 27 years. So yeah I came from an intact home and want my kids to have the same. With my current situation on a day to day basis, I'm finding it harder and harder to see us working out though.\n\nAre these reasons enough for me to justify leaving her or am I just being a neckbeard without a fedora?\n\nThanks", "answer": "go to marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67tw0j", "comment_id": "67tw0j"}, {"question": "When did you realize that you would be happiest drunk alone?", "description": "I just had a long talk with a close friend about his drinking, and it upflifted me to know I was not alone. Then I killed every bottle of liquor in the apartment and am drinking a beer. My SO has no idea I'm this smashed. I love her to death, but I'm happier to feel totally destroyed and on my own than level with her.\n\nThis isn't the first time. When did you realize you were happier drunk alone?", "answer": "When I realized how little I like other people.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "1fig7i", "comment_id": "1fig7i"}, {"question": "Is there anything that stops the hair loss?", "description": "I'm so sad to see my hair going away, is there anything that can stop or slow it?  It's been 4 years since I was showing cysts and my hair began falling out, and it stopped for awhile but now it's back full force.  I'm not having cysts again, just hair loss/growth and I don't have insulin problems so I've been told that there isn't any kind of treatment for me.  \nIs there really no hope?", "answer": "Ask your doctor about spironolactone. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3kcs3n", "comment_id": "3kcs3n"}, {"question": "My wife cheated on me. What do I do?", "description": "I don't know how to format and this is my first actual reddit post since I mainly lurk. I apologize in advance. tl;dr at end\n\n​\n\nMy wife and I met in mid/late 2016. From the moment I saw her I knew she was the one. After a little over a year of dating we got married. Everyone said we were moving to fast. I didn't care, neither did she yada yada yada. \n\n​\n\nFast forward to September 2018. We've been in a rough patch for awhile. She wasn't happy, and I was doing my best to make her happy. However, she would never tell me what was making her happy. Finally, one day after we'd been lying in bed for a while, she told me she felt unloved and not attractive and other things. Primarily though, she wasn't happy about our sex life. Her sex drive is a lot higher than mine, so I get it. She wasn't getting what she wanted when she wanted it. Regardless, we still were sexually active with eachother 1-3 times a week. \n\n​\n\nCome late October she is still feeling dissatisfied. I tried to do things more often, but with work, bills (I pay for 95% of the things between us), and trying to maintain my own happiness, I just always felt so drained. I was so tired and I just didn't have the energy to give her what she wanted. Then, she pitched the idea of going into porn. \n\n​\n\nI was skeptical to say the least. Just a few months back she found porn repulsive. After a long discussion, and her agreeing to be anonymous as possible, I gave the okay. There was an understanding that I'd give the approval on what will be uploaded and shown and that I will not be forced to participate unless I wanted to. \n\n​\n\nThis turned out to be great for her. Her body confidence shot up, she was a lot happier, and I was able to participate in my wife's life more. Then late November came around. \n\n​\n\nIt turned out that she was still extremely unhappy and felt unwanted and just overall miserable. She said I couldn't give her what she wanted so maybe we should pursue other avenues. Specifically an open-relationship. \n\n​\n\nShe brought the idea to me on November 27th, 2018. We talked for a while about it. She assured me that it was nothing right now and it would be something we could maybe look into to see if it would help us. We talked about how we'd both have to approve of the other person's choice of people. That we would have to get consent from eachother for anything that we would do with another person. Overall we put together a framework for something in the futurue that would allow us both to be satisfied without hurting eachother. \n\n​\n\nDecember 1st, 2018. I woke up around 1pm after a nice night of drinking to my wife already getting dressed for the day. I was oggling her pretty hard consdering she decided to wear some of her nicest lingerie and what can only be described as a \"punk school girl\" outfit. \n\n​\n\nAs I was making myself breakfast I started talking about how we could go see the new Fantastic Beasts move that night and go to dinner. Ya know a date night? That is when she informed me \"Oh, actually I'm meeting a friend in xxxxxxxxx tonight.\" I responded with something along the lines of \"Alright cool thats chill, I'll play some xbox and stuff.\"\n\n​\n\nWe left the house to play some Pokemon Go for a bit, but the entire time we were out she was hiding her phone from my view (this matters since we are very open to eachother, including phones), kept staring at the clock, and seeming to want to leave ASAP. When we got home, I was feeling a bit worried so I tried going on her phone and just seeing WHO she was talking to. Not reading any messages. I was worried, shoot me. However, she changed the password to her phone, and when I brought it up to her, she didn't want to tell me the new one.\n\n​\n\nSo she leaves, and a few hours later as I'm taking some Beer Brats off the grill, she calls me and tells me: \"Nevermind, I don't want anyone else inside me. I just want you. I'm sorry.\"\n\n​\n\nI talked to her for a little while on her drive home asking what happened, who was it, etc. until we lost connection. Thats when it hit me. There was no communciation. There was no inclusion of myself for this. She went behind my back. She lied to me. She hurt me. She cheated on me. That wasn't the open relationship we discussed on MAYBE having NOT in the near future. \n\n​\n\nI've been a wreck since. I can't eat or sleep. I can't look at her, talk to her, touch her, or be near her. I don't know what to do. No matter how much we discuss what happened, it doesn't make it better. She knows she cheated on me, she admitted that to me. \n\n​\n\nWhat do I do? What do I do when the person I give everything to and provide for completely decides I'm not good enough?\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\ntl;dr: Wife wanted open relationship. We set ground rules and safety nets and had no plans for this happening in the near future. Few days later she goes behind my back, lies to me and sleeps with another person. \n\nEdit: Thank you for the advice. After a long discussion with my wife about splitting up and the changes that need to be made, I did come to a decision. She promised to seek help, therapy, and improvement. She has made the promises before and they turned out to be empty. I have given her 2 months to make good by them. If they are not made I will see she does not actually want us to continue and I will leave. She accepted and that's that. Again thank you all for the well needed advice, if I had the money I would give all of you gold. ", "answer": "you two need family therapy. But first, you need individual therapy; from a trained professional. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "a2phx4", "comment_id": "a2phx4"}, {"question": "What happens on the fist visit to a psycologist?", "description": "I keep putting off making and going to an appointment because I'm scared of what will happen", "answer": "The first session is typically called an intake, and it's SUPER laid back. The therapist just wants to get to know you. Therapists are very good at recognizing cues, and ensuring you feel comfortable.\nYour therapist will probably also ask you what brings you there, and want to know how he or she can help you.\nBut that's pretty much it. As a therapist I LOVE intakes. They're laid back, and you just basically chill for an hour and get to know someone. Afterwards, if you think therapy would be beneficial, you can schedule the next visit and go from there. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3z1ebd", "comment_id": "3z1ebd"}, {"question": "LexaPro and Drowsiness", "description": "Hey there,\n\nMy doctor is out of town right now and I can\u2019t get any of the NP\u2019s at my local clinic to answer my question.\n\nI\u2019m 30 years old, 5\u201910\u201d, 185lbs, male, taking lexapro 10mg once daily (this is the only drug I\u2019m taking. Only drug I\u2019m using and non-smoker.\n\nI\u2019ve never had a lot of medical issues aside from ear infections, which consistently come up from being in the water a lot (I surf). However, I\u2019ve recently started taking lexapro 10 mg once a day at night for anxiety as prescribed by my doctor. I\u2019ve been experiencing drowsiness the last 2 weeks since I began taking the drug. When should I expect the drowsiness to start waning. Aside from the drowsiness Lexapro has been great and I don\u2019t want to start another medication if I can just wait this out.\n\nAny thoughts and inputs are greatly appreciated. I can\u2019t get a hold of my doctor. \n\nThank you.", "answer": "Most of the side effects resolve after a week or two, so you're at the long end but getting over it isn't impossible. If it doesn't get any better over another week or two, though, or is really making your life bad right now, you have to decide whether the drowsiness is worse than the risk of having to try a different med for anxiety. There are plenty of other choices and it's not rare to find one intolerable but do fine with another.\n\nSimple stuff first, though. How have you been sleeping for these two weeks? Is drowsiness constant or does it come and go?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8g5vaw", "comment_id": "8g5vaw"}, {"question": "Psychiatrist asked me to get a battery of blood tests, want to know why", "description": "I've been on  **fluoxetine** 40mg for 5 months now and my psychiatrist asked me to stop my meds for a week after i complained of day time sleepiness. He now wants me to get the following blood tests done before going back to visit him.\n\n1. Complete Blood Picture/count\n2. TSH \n3. Urea, Creatinine \n4. HbA1C - glycated hemoglobin\n5. Serum Electrolytes \n\n I'd like to know what information he could possibly get from these tests. \n\nThanks for taking the time :)\n\n​\n\n* 20 year old Male, \n* 6' 1\"  \n* 75Kg\n* Asian \n* Been treated for depression for 2 years now \n* Stopped Fluoxetine 40mg after 5 months \\[reduced to 20mg in the last 2 weeks\\]", "answer": "These may just be routine, but here's a best guess:\n\nComplete blood count (CBC) to test for anemia, which can cause fatigue.\n\nTSH to check for hypothyroidism, which can cause fatigue and depression.\n\nBUN and creatinine to test renal function, which he would need to know to start some medications.\n\nHbA1C to check for diabetes and also establish a baseline before starting some medications.\n\nSerum electrolytes are usually checked along with BUN and creatinine, so probably just routine panel.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c6obxi", "comment_id": "c6obxi"}, {"question": "Does your significant other \u201cshow\u201d you they love you?", "description": "I (F20) really try to show my fianc\u00e9 (M23) how much I love and care about him. When we passed his qualifying exams, I bought him cupcakes. He loves sugar cookies so I made many batches over the holidays. He loves to fall asleep while getting his back scratched so I do that many times a week even when I am horribly tired. I watch movies that I don\u2019t normally watch so that I can spend time with him. I do all of these things because I love him and I love seeing him happy. \nHowever, he doesn\u2019t reciprocate meaningful or sometimes even courteous actions. I asked him to stop at the store for me today which he promptly responded with a no, he refuses to watch one of my favorite movies with me (that he has never seen) because it\u2019s not \u201chis type of movie\u201d, he has laughed while I have cried so incredibly hard, literally pushes me away from him when he doesn\u2019t want me around him anymore. I have watched countless hours of sports I don\u2019t like just to spend time together but he won\u2019t do anything like that for me. He tells me that he loves me but never actually \u201cshows\u201d it. This has me doubting his love for me at all. Maybe he just thinks he\u2019s in love with me because his actions speak so differently. \nI don\u2019t know what I am looking for in this post. Maybe validation that I\u2019m not crazy or overthinking this. Or maybe examples of people that show love in different ways. Simple opinions could be helpful too. Thanks for reading.", "answer": "Maybe look into Chapman\u2019s love languages. Easy test, two pages long, A-B answers.\n\nIt\u2019ll help you and your boyfriend learn how the other understands love. For example my boyfriend buying me presents is nice but it\u2019s not how I understand love. I would much rather be snuggled up together warm and cozy. For him though, physical touch is not how he understands love. He would prefer to spend time together exploring.\n\nYou might be working your ass off to show that you love him but what you\u2019re doing is showing love as you understand it, not perhaps as he does\n\nThat being said, he doesn\u2019t seem to understand that relationships require compromise. For example- you pick the movie tonight, I pick it tomorrow and we both watch the others film without complaint or trying to leverage the situation.\n\nIt also sounds like boundaries might be an issue for you. It is OK to say no. You do not need to scratch his back every night, you do not need to make sugar cookies, you do not need to watch sports you don\u2019t want to watch. When he gets pouty, which he inevitably will, know it is your time to stand up for yourself and what you want to have in this relationship moving forward. You can also try having the conversation from the get-go that you\u2019re feeling exhausted and uncared for and are going to be doing a little more self-care now. When he goes to watch sports you don\u2019t like for three hours go take yourself for a bubble bath (or whatever self soothing thing you like). Use the time when he\u2019s being selfish to be self-ful. It sounds like right now the dynamics that he is selfish and you are selfless, and that won\u2019t change until you change it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f120u7", "comment_id": "f120u7"}, {"question": "I need advice!", "description": "I've been in a relationship for around two years now (M19) with a (F19) It started off great, fun relationship, we're so similar it's ridiculous! I love her to pieces, but lately I've been struggling with the relationship. I seem to have been demotivated with it and I've been shamefully looking at other girls and beating myself up about it. I don't really know what's happened, could be that the honeymoon period is over? I'm not too sure myself as it's my first proper relationship. One of the main reasons I haven't said anything is because I really want it to work! At the start she was everything I've wanted in a girl, but I don't know what's happened. Any advice would be appreciated ", "answer": "it's hard to commit to forever in your teens", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6sdrua", "comment_id": "6sdrua"}, {"question": "What's your perspective on people who are mostly \"fine\" in therapy?", "description": "Hey, I just made an appointment with a therapist who primarily uses CBT. I have thought about this off and on for a while (I'm 30) because I know so many people who talk about how much therapy helped them, but also I feel like I don't have anything too serious to talk about: \n\n--I feel like I have some social anxiety issues to work through but nothing that really affects my life in a big way-- I don't avoid social occasions or anything, it's more just this feeling that people often don't like me that much which gets in the way of deeper friendships. (I think this is sometimes true, but not always, and a bit of a vicious circle).\n\n-- In general, I wish I was more confident and had better self esteem. \n\n-- I'm going back and forth right now about whether I'm happy in my long term relationship. \n\n--I am moody more often than I'd like, but again this isn't something that affects my life in a real way. \n\nI guess I just feel like I'm wasting resources that could be going to someone with serious mental health issues with my run of the mill problems. Overall my life is good. I don't have trauma, or clinical depression (I don't think). I'm curious about your perspectives on this. Thanks!", "answer": "Although I get folks coming at me with the torches and pitchforks on here for saying this, I think it's important if not necessary to have goals for therapy going in.  I don't think how severe your symptoms are or issues are have anything to do with whether you should be in therapy or shouldn't.  If you have things you want to work on or try to get more insight into, have a fairly clear idea (and from what you posted you certainly do), then you're a perfect candidate for therapy.\n\n\nThe only issue I've had for some clients is when they've come in, say they want to be in therapy, but continuously say there's nothing bothering them, nothing wrong, and can't identify what they actually want to get out of therapy.... and then for this to go on for several sessions.  At a certain point, it feels like I'm just stealing their money even though many would be more than happy to keep forking it over without us actually doing therapy.  \n\n\nOne common saying I find myself using with a lot of folks though is \"Everyone's crazy.  It's just a matter of what way and how much.  If you are able to accept that and have some idea of what way and how much, you're 10 steps ahead of all the people out there who think they've completely got their shit together.\"  I'm a firm believer in this.  I think everyone can benefit from therapy.  They just have to have some idea of what they're hoping to get out of it.  \n\n\nIt sounds like you've got that figured out though!  I hope you find someone who's a really good fit for you!  Best of luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c1he67", "comment_id": "c1he67"}, {"question": "I suspect my 5yo daughter has ADHD.", "description": "We\u2019ve just been watching up to this point, but now her kindergarten teacher had us in for a conference because she\u2019s been seeing everything we\u2019ve been noticing at home. I know my daughter is an intelligent creative thinker, so school is not my main concern right now.\n\nFor now I am most concerned about her social emotional health. She already talks about her \u201cnot remembering brain\u201d or \u201cthe thoughts that get stuck.\u201d Her emotions are so very big and she is so very sensitive. When she feels remorse for doing something to her big sister, she feels it so deeply that she says she wishes that she was dead or that she was never born. She\u2019s five.\n\nI am in this sub because of her. I\u2019ve been reading your stories, so thank you. But from this emotional standpoint, how can we help her? What do you wish that you heard or that you were given when you were a little kid like this? ", "answer": "I'd recommend looking at what the circle of security is. It helps parents understand when and why kids play or need support and also what their needs are at given times.\n\nAlso, many of Dan Siegels books are great. Specifically the whole brain child. It's about connecting and supporting through emotions. \n\nAs for what you can give, unconditional love. When she is angry say \"I can see you are really angry at the moment. It is really infuriating when kids don't play how you want.\" (An exanple) Give her a hug. Then say to her, you are angry, how cam we make you feel a little better. Listen to her answer and do what she says, if she can't answer then let her know you are right there and when she needs you she can come and get you. Then just sit next to her while she works it off. This works for most emotions. When she's a little calmer, tell her you love her. Shame will be a big thing at her age and she needs to know when she gets upset, there are boundaries on how we cope but regardless of what happens you still love her.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "b2es5k", "comment_id": "b2es5k"}, {"question": "I got rejected ? Any advice?", "description": "I've been a part of this community for a while now and I decided it's my turn to see these lady benefits. \n\nShe told me it was because my quality of life isn't up to par. I don't have a car(I'm 19 and I'm debt free in university) and I wouldn't click well/show off to her friends(I'm also half a nerd). Since she's a party person and I'm working hard on a degree over here. \n\nI'm not gonna lie , I've never had a girlfriend. I've had crushes before and have been told no before but I really thought I could've made this one work so this is like my first legit heartbreak. \n\nIt's such a surreal feeling. I feel free to do whatever instead of chasing a woman but I also feel anchored because I failed. \n\nWhat's the next steps to getting over this? \n\nThis community is great which is why I'm asking for support, thanks. ", "answer": "From what you write I don't think that girl was good for you anyway. She judged you by your wealth and hobbies. On the other side she made it clear in some way. I think you feel heartbroken because you were already thinking about a relationship with her.\n\nI can tell you what is NOT a next step - trying to analyze it over and over why you failed. Your feelings may make you to re-think it again and again, question yourself. Realise this connection (feelings->thoughts->feelings). Accept that things like that will happen again. That's working for me at least.\n\nSorry if my answer is a bit chaotic but I have a hard time today to think straight :)\n\nEdit: Spellcheck.", "topic": "NoFap", "post_id": "5watng", "comment_id": "5watng"}, {"question": "My [20M] free testosterone results came back and I'm concerned...Is it justified?", "description": "Indian, 6'4\" and 112 kg bodyweight. My free testosterone is 5.44 pg/ml, and the report shows the normal range as anywhere between 2.9 to 28.1, placing me near the lower end.\n\nI don't smoke or drink, and lift weights 4x a week. Currently taking Allopurinol for my gout, 100mg once a day along with Calcitriol 0.25mcg+Calcium 200mg and Methylcobalamin 500mcg. \n\nShould I be concerned about the seemingly lower level of free testosterone? If yes, are there any ways to increase it?", "answer": "Why was it even tested?\n\nLow normal is normal. There is no concern and no reason to do anything about it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cxgvpx", "comment_id": "cxgvpx"}, {"question": "Amitriptyline and high heart rate, a side effect or serotonin syndrome?", "description": "A few weeks ago I was on amitryptiline for 3 days for sleep. I took 50mg the first night, 35 the second, 10 the third. Every morning I take adderall as soon as I open my eyes. The first day I noticed I could feel my heart beating fast, and after I moved around my apartment for 3 minutes I decided to check my heart rate because I could feel it even more , moving. It was 140, and normally it would be about 110 ( I have a heart rate monitor so I tend to know what is typical of me in different situations) . 2nd morning same thing ( 140 exactly) though I only took 35mg, 3rd morning was 137. Then I stopped because the fast heart beat made me feel uncomfortable especially when leaving home, because it would be even faster. \n\nI looked up fast heart rate as a side effect but didn't see it and forgot about it. But then today I learned of serotonin syndrome, possible from mixing amphetamines with tricyclic antidepressants. According to Wikipedia fast heart rate is a symptom of mild serotonin syndrome. As is euphoria. When I spoke to my doctor I asked him if my amitryptiline could have antidepressant effect even at that low dose because I felt a little 'high' each morning after I took it ( a light feeling in my head though my body still felt heavy and sedated). \n\nNow I wonder if it could have been mild serotonin syndrome? I'm worried because I'm about to see about starting an antidepressant soon, but if that was serotonin syndrome maybe I am sensitive to getting it? What do you think?\n\nF, 38, 5'5\", 125 pounds, Midwest USA, medication I take every day, trazodone for sleep, adderall, sometimes midodrine. I didn't take trazodone the nights I took amitryptiline. Thanks!", "answer": "Fast heart rate alone is unlikely to be serotonin syndrome, especially with fairly low doses of a TCA (even if it is with an amphetamine). Amitriptyline can sometimes produce rapid heart rate as a side effect on its own; maybe that's what happened.\n\nIf you are going to try another antidepressant you'll see whether it was an idiosyncratic response to the amitriptyline. My hunch is yes, in part because your baseline heart rate is so unusually high. Is that the rate you have before taking Adderall in the morning?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8cjkks", "comment_id": "8cjkks"}, {"question": "[28/m] Does a lack of sexual chemistry with my gf [27] doom our relationship?", "description": "I'm a 28/m and I've been going out with my gf [27] for nearly 2 full years. I love her very much, and our relationship is the first \"real\" one I've ever had. She's the first girl I ever said \"I love you\" to - and that took until our 1 year anniversary to say, bless her patience - and I really can't put into words how grateful I am to have her to lean on and trust and love me for who I really am, warts and all. \n\nThis all said, one issue that has come up as a negative is our sex life. We don't hardly have one. We have sex once every few weeks, and on a couple of occasions have gone a couple months. The reason for this is, as far as I can figure out, two-fold: 1) While I love her, and love to kiss her and make her happy, and love to express my affections constantly (we cuddle A LOT), I don't find her physically attractive. What morsel of raw lust we did share was spent after the first 2 or 3 months of dating (tops). She's overweight (about a size 12 or 14), and I've always been sensitive to the fact that she's self-conscious and have never pressured her to get thinner. Ever. And it's not like I'm only attracted to twiggy girls, or ones that look like porn stars. Truth be told I genuinely prefer the girl-next-door type. But for all her charms - and there are many - her body simply does nothing for me. 2) We have no sexual chemistry at all. She likes being submissive, and I find submissives royally boring. In this way her lack of confidence plays a huge role. I find a woman's confidence - sexual or otherwise - very arousing, even if it's not to any extreme level. She claims that I arouse her very much, and that she's perfectly satisfied with our sex - when we have it. But physically and psychologically, we are simply not on even keels, and it's been causing me to pretty much avoid sex except when it's a special occasion or I'm for whatever reason feeling exceptionally affectionate. \n\nI can't stress how happy we are together outside of this issue. Really, there are no other problems. And I'm sure that's how our relationship has lasted as long as it has. And in case anyone is curious, we've tried all the usual solutions: being 100% open with each other, incorporating games and porn, the whole nine yards. We're trying when we can to exercise together, but with our work schedules it hasn't been panning out too well. I'm in reasonably good shape and so I've been trying to keep my mouth shut and lead by example. And we both eat healthy when we can. \n\nShe knows how I feel, and whenever she gets upset about it it breaks my heart. And I can't help but feel incredibly guilty about how I'm not pleasing her the way she wants, or how inadequate she feels for not looking or acting a certain way. But more to the point, we both worry that while we love each other very much, our sexual frustrations will ultimately cause us to split up. \n\nCan anyone relate to this? What can we do? What can I do? I have no intentions of ever calling it quits over this issue, and neither does she. But this is a shared worry because we both feel the need for a solution. Are we doomed? ", "answer": "Hypothetically: if she lost weight and was now a size 6 (or whatever your ideal female body type is), how might your view of things change?\n\nWould you find her visually appealing?  Be more likely to initiate sex?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3592wk", "comment_id": "3592wk"}, {"question": "NewB", "description": "New to this, I drink every night and  I am tired of waking up with regrets and trying to remeber the night before. I have often made any excuse for my drinking. I work hard, I only drink at home blah blah blah. I am 48 years old and find it hard to remember when I did not have this problem. I am also seeing health issues from the chronic alcohol abuse both mental and physical. I have a wonderful wife of almost 30 years who has seen me go from a person who could take it or leave it for the first several years of our marriage to someone who drinks daily to the point of passing out or if I do not pass out I do not remember more and more.  I could go on and on. This is my first time talking about my drinking with any one other than my wife. Thanks for listening.", "answer": "I hope SD is as helpful to you as it has been to me   \n\nGood luck and enjoy your journey :) ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9o7q7y", "comment_id": "9o7q7y"}, {"question": "I'm [27F] struggling to decide whether to end my relationship with fiance [28M].", "description": "We\u2019ve been dating for 4 years, previously friends. We\u2019re compatible, friendly with one another, etc. But we\u2019ve always struggled with intimacy - both of us want more, but it\u2019s hard for me to feel the spark. I\u2019ve been in a high-stress work environment for the past couple years, which could be part of it, but I also think it\u2019s because I\u2019ve lost attraction for him.\n\n\nSince we\u2019ve started dating I\u2019ve been really focused on growing my career and my personal goals. He\u2019s had a stagnant job that didn\u2019t provide much stimulation, and also doesn\u2019t pursue much outside of it. He cites unhappiness, but hasn\u2019t been willing to change.\n\n\nBecause of this, I always feel like I\u2019m the one bringing something new - like places to go, or events around my friends / social circles - to the table. He\u2019s always along for the ride, and super supportive of me. I don\u2019t mind sharing my life, but wonder what it would be like if we were both contributing. He\u2019s mentioned how he\u2019d enjoy being a SAHD, but that\u2019s not what I envisioned for my relationship.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve done counseling. We got un-engaged, then engaged again, to relieve pressures. A year ago, we moved away, which has given us more space/time to focus on ourselves and each other. But this hasn\u2019t improved. Moving away has made it harder for me to feel comfortable in this \u2013 so maybe I should give it time \u2013 but i don\u2019t think it\u2019s encouraged him to explore his wants/needs.\n\n\nWe\u2019ve talked, a lot. He knows I\u2019m confused as to what to do next. He doesn\u2019t want me to leave, and expresses that all he needs is me. He also said that he thinks he may be depressed, and maybe he needs to get help. This is something I\u2019ve only just started to wonder internally, but has never been acknowledged between us.\n\n\nI\u2019m torn. I know this isn\u2019t a no-deal issue in a relationship. I feel lucky to have what I do now. But I\u2019m not sure this is a normal feeling / dynamic for relationships. And I feel guilty that despite his support I\u2019m not attracted to this. Has anyone come across this? How did you proceed?\n\n\ntl;dr: My fiance and I have been struggling for the past 2 years. How do I know when to walk away?", "answer": "go to couples counseling. in three months the answer will be obvious.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ompl6", "comment_id": "5ompl6"}, {"question": "Why 2 therapists asked me if I've had sex?", "description": "I was referred to 2 two psychotherapists on  2 separate occasions when I was in my early 20's. The main reason was anger issues/self harm. Both these therapists were women, and both showed and big interest in if I was a virgin, there repeatedly went back to the question of if I'd had sex yet, I felt they asked in an inappropriate way and were 'getting off' so to speak about asking me this/ the sexually questioning as a way to make me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. This is something that made me very angry like if just happened yesterday even though its been 6 years,this is because if a man had challenged me like that at this period in my life i wouldn't have hesitated to beat them senseless but I've never hit a women I feel they were hiding behind their gender I clarify that I refused to see the first therapist when after she started to ask me these types of questions and the same thing when the second therapist took the same route. The second therapist also never stopped string at me see kept trying to hold my gaze and never looked away which is rediculously rude. So my question is why were they so interested in if I had had sex , were they being pervy women or is this a normal question to ask in sessions? p.s I assume I'm right", "answer": "Relationships and sex are common concerns among people in their 20s and people treated for anger.  These are common questions. \n\nIf you assume you are right, I'm not sure exactly what you are asking.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gpyr3j", "comment_id": "gpyr3j"}, {"question": "Can I take a melatonin to help with lack of sleep caused by Effexor?", "description": "I'm 27 F, 155 lbs, 5'7\", white. Primary complaint = side effects from antidepressant. \nI just began taking 37.5 Effexor for depression and anxiety. I also take 100 mcg of synthroid daily.\nI occasionally take 3 mg of Melatonin to help me sleep, but I try not to do it more than one or two days in a row because it makes me a bit drowsy the next day. \nI took my first Effexor tablet on Sunday night, and both Sunday and Monday night were difficult. I couldn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and feel exhausted. I am going to transition to midday instead of at night, but in the meantime can I take some melatonin to help me stay asleep tonight, or will that really mess up my sleep? \nAny advice is appreciated. \nThank you.", "answer": "Taking melatonin is fine.\n\nIs this Effexor XR or plain Effexor? If the former, you should probably take it in the morning to avoid messing up sleep.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f9jnek", "comment_id": "f9jnek"}, {"question": "How do I respond to \"Your sister is very pretty\"?", "description": "So, I get a lot of compliments about my sister, like \"your sister is gorgeous\" and so on. How do I respond to this kind of compliments?\nDo I approve? Do I say \"well yeah\"? \nIt always ends up in an awkward situation.\n\nSide facts: \nI am male myself\n\"I\" get those compliments from girls and guys", "answer": "Either shrug or give them a look and go \"dude, that's my sister\" ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "5hx0dv", "comment_id": "5hx0dv"}, {"question": "There are naked pictures of me on the internet as a middle schooler", "description": "A little bit of background: \nI was raised by my grandparents who were heavily religious, uncapable of meeting my needs as a child (was left alone a lot with plenty of tapes and toys). So you can guess that I was a lonely kid. As I got older my grandmother began verbally abusing me and attacking my image. She called me fat, made me wear spanx/girdles, and many times just told me I looked terrible. On top of that I was being bullied at school, kids were teasing me because of the way my grandmother did my hair, it made me \"look like an old lady\".\nAt some point in he midst discovering porn and sex, I discovered chatrooms. At first I thought they were just to make friends and talk to people. I had a profile picture and my real age on my accounts, and I thought I would finally find someone who would like me and be my friend. \nYou know how chatrooms went. Those creepy indian guys that called you sexy and asked for pics. 12 year old me fell for that. Numerous people got naked pictures from me. A lot were resued if I remember correctly. I've also been coerced on omegle to do various things in various states of undress. There was even a fake myspace account made just to post my pictures and \"threaten\" me if I didn't send more. \nI'm 22 now, and for some reason I had repressed it all until recently. I wonder if there are authorities trying to figure out who I am, I wonder how many pedophiles are still circulating my pictures today. I'll never know", "answer": "You\u2019re not alone my friend", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "gmhd5w", "comment_id": "gmhd5w"}, {"question": "How should I (22/F) maturely respond to this situation with my boyfriend (22/M) involving double standards, jealousy, and feeling left out?", "description": "I am consulting reddit because I really just want some good, wholesome advice on how to respond to the situation in the most mature way possible, because I want the best for my relationship. \n\nIt's a pretty short story, but anyways, my boyfriend told me that he is going to a music festival in a month with our friends and that there is only one spot (implying I can't go). \n\nI want him to go & have fun, but I think I am just feeling some natural feelings of jealousy. Also, I know for a fact, that if the situation was flipped, he would be very very very upset & feel super left out... so I kind of feel like I just would never do that to him in the first place. Also... we have never had any true \"fights\", we are best friends and music is our thing & we have always done it together and had a blast. We aren't attatched at the hip, we have our own things that we do alone that make us happy, but music has just always been one of those things that we love doin together. \n\nI just feel a bit confused because he has always been the one in the relationship who is a little more 'clingy' if you will... he doesn't really care to do things if one of us is being left behind. \n\nThe thing is- I feel pretty fired up about this, and my mind is just going full speed thinking about him partying late night at a festival without me, hanging out with beautiful ladies, etc... BUT I trust him, so I know that is silly to worry about. The thing that bothers me the most is that I KNOW he would be even more upset than I am if the situation was flipped. I just don't want to make a big deal about it so he doesn't go (then I would feel extra lame), but I don't want to just bottle up this frustration and accidentally take it out on him and other ways, and I don't know how to just let it go. \n\nWould love any words of advice on how I should approach this. ", "answer": "You said 'OUR friends'; how did the one spot land in his lap not yours?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70b4j7", "comment_id": "70b4j7"}, {"question": "I think I might have NPD", "description": "I have always known that there is something wrong with me, but I didn't know what. After my last failed attempt at an intimate relationship, I have started reading about BPD (something that was fitting for my symptoms) and then NPD. I think I might suffer from the latter, as well as half of my family, and I am worried that I will end up all alone, in my high tower, having alienated everyone.\n\nI am good looking (not the best, just good) and hypersexual, yet I mostly masturbate. I don't want a partner, unless I perceive him as really desired. In this case, one out of two things happen: either I earn his heart and trust and then alienate him out of fear that he will abandon me (thinking to myself \"Did I do that? Did I seriously do that? Why? Oh, at least it's my fault, so I can fix it next time... it's not that I am unwanted per se)\"; or I win him, then I discover that he's not that great after all, and move on to the next victim without any real regard (\"Suck it up, that's life\").\n\nAs I want to experience real love and intimacy with a partner I desire, I need help ASAP to change my shitty ways and stop manipulating and exploiting people.\n\nMy fears are comical: first of all, I fear that my \"partner\" might think about me in the same way that I think about him. Which is a totally disrespectful way, as an object (of desire), a mere function, an accessory...\n1. He is MY partner, MY sweet-talking vibrator, MY walking erection (caused by ME, of course I can tolerate the though of his dick getting hard for another WOMAN... if he fucks goats, I'm OK with it), MY sweet smile (as long as it's ME making him smile) -\n2. MY pet empath, MY mirror-mirror on the wall, I can shine my brilliance at him and watch him reflect it back on MYSELF with the vibrant power of thousand projectors. He HAS something I lack and desperately crave, he has empathy and can GIVE love, things I lack, but desperately need. Each and every time I think to myself that this time I will make right. But I always do wrong. The harder I try to avoid damage, the worse the damage is.\n3. He's my personal audience, my faithful dog, dare he not be happy being faithful or being a dog, It makes me want to annihilate him. I am vindicative, but I don't take revenge, as I recognize that it won't help. But I have sworn revenge to many people, not only romantic partners, but anyone who disrespects me in any way.\n\nI don't want to talk to people, I want to charm them and capture their minds and hearts. I pretend to listen and understand them, but only because I know that this captures minds and hearts.\n\nI don't want to have sex with men, I want to demonstrate to them my passion and enthusiasm, my bedroom acrobatics, hook them and make them crave me, this is my fantasy. Actually, if I have to be fair, I am a pretty mediocre lover, unless I am enthusiastic about the partner (and myself, and how he looks on me). Then I become ... an enthusiastic partner, which is always good, but nothing very special.\n\nAfter losing a romantic interest to my ego one more time I have decided that I can't afford this cycle to continue. Last time I tried to avoid manipulation and pretense, but things became horrible. I decided to \"show weakness\", but instead I raped emotionally the poor man and I feel awful. I vomited my insecurities and inferiority complexes all over him. \n\nSuch horrible self-inflicted humiliation shattered my ego and I was a barely-functioning zombie for a while. I discovered a website, extensively dealing with NPD on the webs, and I think that it perfectly describes the way my brain works. The funny thing being, these things were always there, but I couldn't see them. My grandiose fantasies, my addictive behavior, total disregard for others, my addiction to flattery, including self-flattery (can't do anything about it - my own ego manipulates me into total submission).\n\nMy own version of empathy - I don't think about others, I will myself to think about others, then quickly start thinking about how I am thinking about others and how empathetic I am.\n\n\nEven after discovering what is wrong, I just can't stop thinking about MYSELF and MY NARCISSISM. \n\n\nProfessionaly, I am doing OK, I  love my job. It's the only thing capable of distracting me of thinking about MYSELF, MY PROBLEMS, MY BRILLIANT PERSONA, etc...\n\n\nI can see how pathetic I am, or more likely, how just OK I am and how huge the gap between my self-image and real self is. It stings my ego, but that's OK.\n\nThe question is, can I learn how to love. Not just men, but my (imperfect) self, our (imperfect) world and to value this imperfect life. Or is this like diabetes, incurable?", "answer": "Narcissists tend not to think of themselves as narcissists...", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "61n4wu", "comment_id": "61n4wu"}, {"question": "Going back to yoga after a majorly triggering experience? Help", "description": "A little background: I have a long history of childhood abuse followed by a sexual assault a year ago. I started doing yoga in order to start healing the trauma \u201cstuck\u201d in my body. I\u2019d gone to a studio in my town a few times, always with the same teacher. About a month ago I was in class when we were instructed to do a certain pose. I got into the pose, unaware of what would happen once I did as it was a new pose. I ended up severely triggered, re experiencing my assault in class, disassociating and all. It was the VERY first pose of class. I couldn\u2019t have left without drawing major attention to myself unlike if it was in the middle or end of class. I felt trapped. I went through the rest of class in a haze. I don\u2019t remember any of it except for when there was a pose that involved hanging from the rope wall upside down which I said no thanks to so she suggested a different pose. The same one that triggered me. I explained I wasn\u2019t comfortable with that pose. She then went to modify it to be more physically accommodating. I quietly said it wasn\u2019t a physical discomfort I don\u2019t like having my body in that position like that. She finally got it and gave me something else. I got through he rest of class and haven\u2019t gone back. The issue is I like yoga. It\u2019s helpful for my trauma when I\u2019m not triggered. This was the first experience like that. Every time I think of going back to that studio I get sick to my stomach with anxiety. So I thought maybe a new studio. No still makes me sick at the thought. \nI\u2019m wondering if others have experienced this, if so how did you manage it? Did you talk to the teacher? Did you find a new class/studio? Did you use coping skills to be able to go back? I know I could talk to the teacher but trauma is avoidant. I don\u2019t wanna share that I have ptsd and yoga can trigger me. Should I consider a new studio entirely because of my experience? At a loss of how to both not get anxious about yoga but continue to do it despite the negative experience ", "answer": "I second or third just doing your own pose! So many people in my yoga classes just do their own thing. \n\nAlso, you may want to look into \u201ctrauma sensitive yoga.\u201d You can probably find some on YouTube. Basic premise is to invite people to do poses but nothing is required. ", "topic": "traumatoolbox", "post_id": "a0m5w1", "comment_id": "a0m5w1"}, {"question": "Will my Dad survive with a sodium level of 104 and low potassium?", "description": "56, male, 5'10, 175lbs, caucasian. Duration of complaint: +1 week (complaint was feeling weak, slurring his words/sentences, confusion/inability to follow simple requests/instructions, no appetite, vomiting, low blood pressure). Location: East Coast, USA / entire body. High blood pressure and colon polyps are the only medical conditions he has. He takes high blood pressure medication & that's it. \n\n​\n\nHeart and brain are okay but his potassium was extremely low and his sodium even worse. The nurse said she's been doing this since the 90's and she's never seen a non-comatose patient with as low sodium as he has, nor did the entire ICU with shift change. They dripped a bag of saline into him and told him he needed to be admitted overnight. He refused for a good 15-20 minutes, literally yelling to leave until my family and I convinced him to stay. It took that and the doctor to tell him if he left this hospital, he would die due to a seizure and that it was basically a death sentence. If not death, brain death. \n\nAnyways, they admitted him, he had a potassium drip (+2 large potassium pills) and a magnesium drip. He took 3x melatonin pills to get some sleep because he couldn't sleep there on his own and was extremely tired. Lots of blood drawn. \n\nIs my Dad going to be okay? Genuinely? I need advice. He's my last parent alive. Thank you.", "answer": "The nurse wasn't exaggerating, and that definitely gives the lowest sodium I've ever seen serious competition. That's a crazy low  number. It's possible to recover if it's corrected slowly, but there's the important question of why it went so low. That's probably the most pressing issue after fixing the immediate problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "chin4q", "comment_id": "chin4q"}, {"question": "Fast food directly correlates to my depression", "description": "This is something I have noticed over time.\n\nNow, I have been depressed for a while due to childhood abuse, but it changed when I stopped eating junk.\n\nI have lost 33lbs so far and every time I eat even a small portion of junk food I just feel like crap after.\n\nMaybe this is one of the causes?", "answer": "Nutrition has a HUGE impact on mental health, especially depression.  Empty calories are going to cause you to have lack of energy, gaining weight can hurt your self image, too much sugar or caffeine can increase anxiety.\n\n\nWhile what works for me certainly won't work for everyone, I can say that when I decided to change to a vegetarian diet (Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian) within even just about a week I felt a substantial increase in energy, started losing some unhealthy weight I had gained prior, and felt generally less depressed or stressed.  Of course I have to always make sure I'm getting plenty of protein, iron, and B vitamins, but overall it's been worth it for me physically and psychologically.  Probably the most beneficial aspect of being vegetarian wasn't even giving up meat and other animal products so much as much as it forced me to give up most of the fast food and a lot of other junk I was eating.  \n\n\nYou don't have to be a vegetarian to have a healthy diet, but making sure you're paying at least some attention to making sure you're getting enough of the nutrients you need while not filling yourself up with too much crap will have a huge impact on your mental health.  Same thing goes with making sure you're eating regular meals without going too long without eating or not over-eating too often.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9dw5x6", "comment_id": "9dw5x6"}, {"question": "How do I know if yhe antidepressants are working?", "description": "20F, 50kg, 166cm. 200mgDesvenlafaxine for depression and 1 quetiapine pill to help me sleep (both taken daily)\n\nThis is pretty straightfoward. How do I know of my antidepressants are working? I still feel suicidal from time to time and I am tired all the damn time. I like sleeping and just being in my bed all day in general. I got a job and I'm in college, but all my free time is spent in bed.", "answer": "That's something to discuss with the doctor who's taking care of you. It doesn't sound like you feel good, but there's still a question of whether you feel better than you did without the medications or still entirely the same (or worse). Each of those possibilities would be handled differently.\n\nIf you still think you're depressed, you're probably depressed.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fg6i8a", "comment_id": "fg6i8a"}, {"question": "How do I address a big lie that I made to my coworkers?", "description": "I have had issues with lying for a long time but have made great progress in the year. However I recently lied at work  A judgemental co-worker asked where I live and I said that I live with my brother. This is technically true though I live with my whole family. Normally I would address this lie after a month or two. However, my brother and father may have covid. \n\nIs there a way to address this without damaging my professional career? My therapist and psychiatrist are currently on vacation and it's causing me to have panic attacks at night.", "answer": "I hope nobody would say anything,  since the context here is that two of your family members may be seriously ill. \n\nIf your coworker learns that your dad and brother are sick and responds by trying to clarify the arbitrary details of your living situation,  that that is your co-worker 's problem. \n\nAnd of course,  working on truthfulness and appropriate work boundaries can be something you focus on moving forward.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hnwg9j", "comment_id": "hnwg9j"}, {"question": "[20m] I was kissed by a friend [20f] when I was incredibly drunk. Now I don't know how to tell my girlfriend [20f].", "description": "This is a long post Bc I want to give context. My girlfriend and I have been together over just over 3 years, 2 of which have been long distance (we go to different schools). This friend is someone I met here when she started dating another one of my friends. She's single now. \n\nI should also mention she has done this to me once before. \n\nWe were at a party together after pretty heavy drinking all day. It was late at night in an apartment within walking distance of my own place. She had been encouraging me to drink more all day (she often does this, but I thought it was harmless) until the point where I was stumbling and having trouble remembering--not totally black out--just \"browning out\". We were outside on the balcony when she told me that if I wasn't dating my girlfriend she would've dated me in heartbeat. She had been drinking too and then quickly kissed me. I was shocked and didn't know what to say, so I told her I had to go to the bathroom and throw up (Bc I really did feel like I was going to throw up). \n\nI don't remember how I got to the bathroom but the next thing I remember is sitting on the bathroom floor with my back to the door and there she was. And she started kissing me again. Not for too long, maybe 15 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. After that I stared trying to throw up, and that's where our friends found us, and my roommate eventually took me home, which I also don't remember. \n\nI feel such unimaginable shame, unlike anything I've ever felt before. I feel stupid for trusting this girl again after she did pretty much the exact same thing last semester while I was lying on the floor and blackout. I feel ridiculously guilty Bc I don't know how to tell my girlfriend. I told her about the last time, and we nearly broke up Bc of the trust issues it caused. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I constantly feel like I'm going to throw up. \n\nSince this incident, I have cut all connections with this girl and I have no intention of speaking to her in the future. I've also given up liquor indefinitely. Any advice is appreciated. I know I have to tell her eventually. She deserves the truth and I deserve whatever consequence comes to me. I just want to hurt her as little as possible. Thanks for reading. \n\ntl;dr I was kissed by a now ex-friend while intoxicated and I don't know what to tell my girlfriend now \n\nUPDATE: I told her just now. Thanks for the advice", "answer": "No need to tell.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67gwy4", "comment_id": "67gwy4"}, {"question": "What is \"stemming\"?", "description": "I was told by a nurse once that I should probably not see my ex because she feared I was \"stemming\" (it was a word that sounded like that), like she wanted me to have more time away from him to kinda reestablish my boundaries and sense of self was what I got from her context. Like getting more distance and time from him would help me become grounded and not get sucked into something.", "answer": "Perhaps she meant splitting", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2v3z14", "comment_id": "2v3z14"}, {"question": "I am 19/m dating a 20/f. Depression ruining my relationship?", "description": "We just started dating recently after me being single for about a year and I was kind of used to the single life and I had learned to cope with being alone after so long. (Depression/Anxiety Disorder). Why now that I am in a relationship and \"happy\" is my depression flaring up worse than ever to the point of ruining everything I spent so much time trying to fix. Why is being happy the ultimate sadness?", "answer": "Seeing a therapist? Taking meds?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "7651xi", "comment_id": "7651xi"}, {"question": "Looking for observations (i.e. a pre-second opinion)", "description": "Hi folks. Looking for an opinion on how necessary you all think a second opinion/different counselor is in the situation. Also looking for observations that you could point out. Jan had seen a psychologist for a previous relationship briefly and didn't have a good experience there. Ted had never seen a psychologist before and sought out this one when relationship issues arouse.\n\nNames changed for privacy.\n\nOur \\[Jan + Ted\\] counselor \\[Beth\\] who we have had near a dozen appointments with said in a solo appointment with Jan that they believe Jan's behavior is normal an entirely normal reaction to abuse and that Ted is both emotionally and verbally abusive. This was done last Wednesday. Ted and Jan haven't really talked a lot since, and I will leave out my opinion of the reasons to try and allow you to be more subjective.\n\nThe text below is the text messages that were exchanged this morning while Ted was at work and while Jan was at home with the infant.\n\nIn your observations, can you also outline whether you think the context is extremely important, or whether there are some pretty obvious observations.\n\nThank-you so much in advance.\n\n​\n\n\\*\\*TEXT START\\*\\*\n\nJan: My plan is to leave today. Any objections or are you ok with it?  Thought I'd keep you in the loop, even though you couldn't care less about us. You won't listen to me, you won't listen to Beth \\[our relationship counselor - a registered psychologist\\], so I'm out of options. And you honestly seem like you don't care. Avoiding, not talking. You won't fight for this nor vow to change your abusive behavior.\n\nTed: I vow to investigate the abusive behavior and find a resolution for it.\n\nJan: What does that mean?\n\nTed: I would rather keep working on things because our goal is the same - to have a happy, healthy relationship to show Tina \\[our 7 month old child from our current 1.75 yr relationship.\\]\n\nJan: Are you trying to imply that I am the abusive one?\n\nTed: It means I will:- make a better plan to prevent any abusive behavior. I will clearly communicate my plan to prevent any abuse, as that is our number one goal. I want to work with you to find the balance between \"avoiding\" and engaging that we are both okay with.- it means I will: read more into behavior therapies and look for healthy templates for communication to use. - it means I will commit to 15 minutes per day (although hopefully spending more) into looking into this these and or planning.- - it means I will listen to what you and Beth have said, and also seek out a second opinion because of some of the assumptions it feels like Beth made. This is secondary to the above things though, but I feel like it's a necessary step for understanding.- i also hope that in doing so, and getting a second opinion, there is also potential for diagnosis in case it actually is something like Asperger's or NPD that I have.- also, the therapy would feel like a form of support so that I can feel heard outside of the emotionally charged situation in a healthy manner, and be educated by an informed/natural source on things we disagree on. I want to figure out what questions we need to be asking about things to come to a better understanding of them.\n\nJan: You're so unwilling to accept you're abusive when you are upset - from a registered psychologist- that you need to get a second opinion? I think what Beth was trying to do doing your sessions was to help you stop using abusive language and behavior, but you won't accept it?\n\nAnd you don't like her because she didn't know Gottman? Even though she's counselled many people for 15 years? I'm sorry, but I'll take her word for it that you are abusive and I shouldn't be scared to leave anymore.\n\nTed: I hope you can empathize how hard hearing something like that is. And understand why a person would feel like they need to understand it and feel understood in order to accept it.\n\nGiven that the fear/consequences of me \"not accepting it\" are probably that the abusive behavior continues, I want to focus on stopping the abusive behavior instead of focusing on the whether I believe the label is accurate or not, because I feel like the guilt/shame/resentment that come along with the usage of labels WILL NOT help in taking accountability, and will not help in making things better.\n\nJan: You'll never take accountability anyway, this is hopeless.\n\nTed: I feel like forcing someone to accept a label that doesn't coincide with their identity is counter-productive for the reasons mentioned above.\n\nI know accountability is important to you - it's important to me to - so what I am taking accountability for is the shitty behavior. I'm taking accountability of the insults. I'm taking accountability of the manipulation (even though I don't understand it). I'm taking accountability of my stubbornness. I'm taking accountability of my contribution to our misunderstandings.\n\nI'm taking accountability for the fact that it hurts you.\n\nOne of the steps in taking accountability is the steps listed above (and more that i have to come up with yet. Another step is this message; committing to taking accountability. A third step is this:\n\n\\- Jan, I'm sorry that that behavior of mine that is abusive has hurt you. Regardless of how I was feeling at the time, I see now more clearly than ever mistreating someone is never excusable. I vow to do communicate my plans for improvement better with you to help you understand the action as am taking.\n\nJan: Perhaps you don't believe you are abusive because as you said last night, no one from your past has called you abusive or mean. But I suppose I've seen what you're like when your mad more than anyone else before.\n\nAnd it honestly seems you don't care or want to fight for this. You couldn't care less if me and Tina left - as evidenced by last night and this week.\n\nLack of talking, avoidance.\n\nYou show no empathy, no remorse, acting heartless.\n\nTed: Please tell me what that looks like to you then.\n\nFrom where I am at, asking every day how you are doing shows that I'm not avoiding. Is it my fault that neither of us know the questions to ask to make the conversation go further? Yes, about 50%.\n\nJan: \\*sent a screenshot from a web article [https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2017/08/psychopathy-and-feelings/](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2017/08/psychopathy-and-feelings/) around the section titled \"Empathy and hurting others\"\n\nTed: I am so confused and hurt by you saying that I am avoiding you. I am respecting you telling me to get the fuck away and respecting you saying that you're done. Constantly barraging you feels wrong to me. Giving you space when you ask for it, checking in, and allowing you to respond on your own time do not seem like abuse to me.\n\nJan: \\*quoting previous text from ted\\* \"If you're expecting me to \"fight for you\" or fight to make things work here, I won't be. Because that would likely get labeled as manipulative/abusive behavior - a trap I have fallen into before. \\*end text quote\n\nI guess you warned me you be fighting for this. I'm not gonna bother anymore.\n\nYou even TOLD me you wouldn't fight for this. Wow I'm an idiot for even trying to get to show any empathy or remorse for what you've done.\n\nGoodbye Ted, I will only message you for things related to Tina henceforth.\n\nTed: I'm taking an early lunch. (Implying that he is coming home for lunch)", "answer": "Not sure what you are asking.  If there is abuse or control in the relationship,  couples work is not a good idea until Ted is engaged in abuse treatment. \n\nIn my opinion,  putting too much time into the text message exchange is not useful in helping either Ted or Jan. It focuses on content rather than process,  and both parties need process.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "huqmax", "comment_id": "huqmax"}, {"question": "How to get over the person you feel you can\u2019t get over and move on?", "description": "This hurts like hell, thinking about him and missing him, and I know he\u2019s over me, so it hurts even more, i just texted him and called after a week of trying no contact and i just feel so angry at myself, he hasnt texted or called back, and i feel like such a fool", "answer": "The next person ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "94uubd", "comment_id": "94uubd"}, {"question": "Just took a blood test and was wondering whether i have diabetes or not?", "description": "hi I'm 27 years old, 5'7 tall/short, and weigh just under 250 Ib, for the longest time my diet consisted of 1L daily intake of juices and carbonated drink + junk food. the other day there was a thread on reddit about diseases and shit, and it quite frankly scared me, so today i decided to take a blood test for diabetes, i've eaten breakfast at around 7:45 am, and drank coffee around 9:00 am, i didn't eat anything afterwards until i took the test at around 5:00 pm and these were the results:\n\nhttps://i.imgur.com/byeUK4W.jpg\n\nso am i diabetic, or has allah bestowed upon me a new life?", "answer": "Assuming that \"FBS\" is blood glucose that's a normal reading and you're fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9g32st", "comment_id": "9g32st"}, {"question": "Is it ok to gift your therapist something?", "description": "I have been going to my therapist for a little over three years now. She helped me through my darkest times and I don\u2019t think I would be here anymore, if I didn\u2019t have her. \nShe is pregnant with her first child (a little girl), as she has lost many pregnancies before. \nMy next appointment is soon and after that she will be in maternity leave, so I won\u2019t see her for at least half a year. \nEmbroidery is a hobby of mine so I thought about gifting her a neckerchief with embroidered flowers on it for the baby. \nDo you think gifting her something would be ok or is it inappropriate? \nThank you in advance for every answer <3 \n(And sorry for my not so great English... it\u2019s not my first language)", "answer": "Something small that you made is probably fine.  It sounds very thoughtful.  Some offices have gift policies,  usually related to monetary value.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqvs7b", "comment_id": "gqvs7b"}, {"question": "Can you make a (1st time) doctors appointment and pick up an initial prescription with an expired drivers license?", "description": "My drivers license is expired, 2 months. Fucking ADD lol. \n\nI have to get a medical checkup for my heart to get my prescription prescribed, and then get it at the pharmacy. In order to do this I need to get a general doctor (it\u2019ll be my first visit). Last time I did a first visit (over a year ago) with another doctor I had to give them my drivers license which was valid at the time. I have health insurance and a health insurance card with my name on it. \n\nI\u2019ve been getting my current prescriptions with the expired ID, just a sleeping pill (clonazpam) and Wellbutrin. There just seems to be more red tape to go through to get ADHD stimulants than my other prescriptions (a benzodiazepine). The pharmacy workers recognize me and usually don\u2019t ask for ID anymore, but since it\u2019s a new prescription, and a controlled substance, I figure they may need one. \n\nSince it\u2019s a health issue I\u2019m wondering if the valid ID requirements are more lax.", "answer": "That\u2019s a lot of stacked counter active medications. A benzo is a downer and adhd meds are stimulants. They would cancel eachother out in a way not helpful to your brain or efficacy in self. Also Wellbutrin is mildly stimulating. \n\nAre you considering anxiety or substance abuse as the core factors to your symptoms?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "behpbb", "comment_id": "behpbb"}, {"question": "Too much of a good thing?", "description": "Hey, guys! \n\nNew to everything, made this account in a bit of a panic so that I could get some opinions. Next doctor\u2019s appointment is a month away so I\u2019m a little desperate. \n\nAnywho, I was prescribed 20mg of Adderall XR a few months ago (this was after a lengthy process of confirming that I had ADHD, and that this medicine was the correct next move to treat it) and the results have been really great. I take it, and about an hour later I feel quite extraordinary; focused, confident, sociable, and in a way very excited to be alive. It\u2019s a sort of contentment I have never felt before. Naturally, this has me worried. \n\nI can\u2019t stop wondering if it\u2019s working too well, or that I\u2019m getting too much of the medicine and what I\u2019m feeling isn\u2019t consistency or focus, but euphoria. I keep wondering if it\u2019s somehow getting me \u2018high\u2019 (I\u2019ve always been a total dork and have never used any drugs, and also barely ever drink so I don\u2019t have a great frame of reference). \n\nSometimes at the mid point of the day I\u2019ll start to sink a little, and the excitement of being alright with wear off. It never returns to the way it was before the medicine, but there are declines and slumps. I\u2019ve become so worried about those slumps that I have started to obsess over them while I\u2019m still feeling great, and I think that\u2019s forcing me into a slump like some kind of neurotic self-fulfilling prophecy. \n\nIs this even possible? Is my medicine getting me high? Am I crashing?\n\nIs this all just me being anxious and sabotaging myself?\n\nI\u2019d love to know if anyone else goes through this, and if so, how I can stop worrying about the slump so much that it kills the focus. \n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "I'm a therapist.  I've struggled with ADHD seemingly since I was a teenager but was never diagnosed or medicated until a little over a year ago (I'm 32 now).  I take 10mg Adderall twice a day.  Once with breakfast and once with lunch.  \n\n\nFor about the first week of taking it I did feel very slightly \"high\" as I was adjusting to it.  Other than it being a stimulant, I think part of feeling good, confident, sociable is that for us folks with ADHD, it's really going to help kill a lot of your stress and anxiety that you're just used to walking around with all the time.  \n\n\nFor instance, even on good happy days prior to being medicated, my mind was still always racing.  I used to tell folks that half the time my inner monologue seemed like one of those fast talking auctioneers.  Whether I was happy or not, that shit is exhausting.  I never realized just how exhausting because it was just \"my normal\" for as far back as I could remember.  Not having to deal with that all the time helps me feel good, more confident, sociable, and yes.... excited to be alive now that I don't have to deal with all the struggles I've dealt with regarding ADHD as much.  \n\n\nI don't know how long you've been taking it, but for me, after a few months I got used to it.  I still feel great but it doesn't feel like \"Oh....yep....that's definitely gotta be the meds.\"  It feels more like \"Okay.... this is how people without ADHD feel.  Cool.\"\n\n\nI don't take my meds on most weekends because anyone taking them can build up a  tolerance.  I don't want to have to take any more than I am now to get the same effect.  When I don't take them, I go back to being pretty scattered on the weekend, but if I don't have any major responsibilities, I'm okay with that.  \n\n\nThere is a crash when the meds start to wear off, especially when you're not taking XR.  Right before I'm due for my second dose or when that's wearing off and I'm on my way home, often I'll feel a little extra anxious and up tight.  It usually only lasts about an hour before I calm down.  It's just something I've gotten used to and figure is well worth it for 8-9 hours of being able to function like a \"normal human\" during the day.    ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aqyhzo", "comment_id": "aqyhzo"}, {"question": "How to determine whether a child was abused?", "description": "(Obviously not posted from an account that shows identifying information.)\n\nContent warning:  Pedophelia and possible rape.\n\nA couple I know needs to determine whether their nine-year-old daughter has ever been raped, molested, or otherwise abused by an adult who lived with them for three years (and no longer does).\n\nThe adult turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic with a sexual fantasy of raping children.  However, they have never been physically or sexually abusive.  They are also a coward, driven largely by fear, and unlikely to take risks.  It seems very likely that this person has never molested anyone.  However, there remains the possibility that they may have committed some offense while drunk enough to remove their inhibitions (and perhaps while too drunk to remember).\n\nThe child is a people-pleaser due to insecurities, and likely would not resist abuse.  She has previously suffered some form of abuse that she will not discuss with her parents because, she says, talking about it is \"inappropriate\".  That abuse happened before she knew her current (adoptive) parents or the other adult in question.\n\nOff the top of our heads, there are three concerns:\n\n1. How to get information from the child.  If something happened, she may not admit to it.\n\n2. How to avoid priming/leading the child's answers while questioning.  We need an accurate answer, not the child's guess about what the parent is hoping to hear.  (I was thinking something along the lines of, \"What did you think of \\[adult\\], when they were the one watching you?\")\n\n3. This may be a job for a therapist.  But sometimes therapists still lead the child's answers with their questions, and in the worst cases, can implant memories of abuse that never happened.  If a therapist is sought, how can the parents be sure to find one who is knowledgeable and conscientious about avoiding this hazard?  (I presume that any therapist will proudly claim to be careful about this if asked directly.  So asking directly cannot yield real evidence.)\n\nI hope that point 3 is not offensive to anyone here.  But the child's well being is far too important for me to not state the concern plainly.", "answer": "I agree with psychoshaman.  If you are coming to Reddit to ask about this rather than going to a professional therapist for the fears you stated in question three, you're most likely not equipped to handle this.  I hope that point isn't offensive.  \n\n\nIf something DID happen to your child, forcing or even pressuring them in the slightest to talk about it before they decide they're ready is one of the WORST things you can do.  \n\n\nDO NOT ATTEMPT TO GET INFORMATION FROM THE CHILD.  \n\nInstead, let them know that you care about them and you will always do everything you can to keep them safe.  Let them know that if there's ever anything that happens to them where an adult hurts them in any way, they can come and talk to you about it, that they won't be in trouble, and that you won't love them any less.  \n\n\nIf they feel safe and secure enough with you to the point that it wouldn't be damaging for them to tell you, there's a good chance they will.  \n\n\nThis is the best way to avoid causing further harm to the child and make sure that they're not being lead.\n\n\nAside from that, take them to a therapist.  Tell them you're concerned that they may have suffered some kind of abuse, don't seem ready to talk about it, but that you want to know what happened.  Don't give them any details past that and you won't have to worry about them leading your child.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds310t", "comment_id": "ds310t"}, {"question": "I\u2019m a Russian Jew and people feel I\u2019m condescending and cold", "description": "Hello and thank you all for reading and weighing in. \n\nI\u2019m 35 and have been in the US for most of my life (since 7) - I don\u2019t have an accent. But I very much was shaped by my culture. My family is argumentative and my mom can be a bit mean and sharp herself. \n\nI have several friendships that have lasted over the years. But due to moving every other year when I was young, I got used to changing friends and not working on relationships. So it\u2019s something I\u2019m actively trying to work on now. \n\nI\u2019ve been complaining to my partner how I don\u2019t have a \u201cbest friend\u201d, that one girlfriend I can call anytime with anything. Someone to hang out with. In our mid 30s things are different I realize. \n\nAnyway my bf is telling me that I need to change how I am with people. That I can\u2019t be so cold. And people perceive me as condescending. I\u2019ve been told this before and he says he\u2019s heard from others similar experiences. \n\nI tend to get argumentative, I\u2019m kind of a know it all. \n\nI\u2019ve studied and practiced meditation for years. But don\u2019t practice daily. \n\nIs there hope for me? What can I do to improve my personality so people receive me better and so that I can build stronger more loving bonds with people in my life?", "answer": "Aww that would be so hurtful and difficult to hear. I\u2019m so sorry. As someone that\u2019s known and been friends with many Russians and Eastern Europeans I know a lot of that is cultural.  Some more Americanized Americans tend to sugar coat things and use a lot of \u201cfluff\u201d in how they talk and interact with others especially the southern states where I was for 15 years (this isn\u2019t a criticism just an observation and I\u2019m totally guilty of this too also Canadians are probably extra fluffy and polite lol I grew up in both places so I\u2019ve seen it).   Sometimes it\u2019s about finding the right people who accept you for who you are. Some people might think those things for whatever reasons, others won\u2019t or they won\u2019t take it personally.  There are also ways to help soften some of your ways of being.  It sounds a bit like you didn\u2019t really have the role models growing up that were warm and fuzzy so you never really had the opportunity to learn what that\u2019s like. So there may be some things to adjust and work on, not completely change who you are. \n\nYou\u2019ve been given the opportunity to start being more aware of yourself and your ways of interacting.  You can start to notice when you might be coming off in these ways and see if there\u2019s a different way to word it to soften what you\u2019re saying. Did you bf give you any examples of when you\u2019re coming off cold or condescending? That might be a place to start.\n\nEdit: wanted to add it is really hard to find friends in your 30\u2019s, I\u2019m right there with you. The friends that I could reach out to all live really far away and I haven\u2019t really found them where I live now.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "es0whp", "comment_id": "es0whp"}, {"question": "Going to the Therapist gives me anxiety attacks", "description": "So, first things first, I am poor, depressed, and in college, so my experiences with therapists are bottom of the barrel. \n\nFor my depression, I want to see a therapist, or get a therapy pet, but when I go to talk to the therapist, I feel awkward, angry, and depressed. Afterwards, I go into a panic attack, sometimes during. \n\nAll the therapists do that scribbling thing like you are a lab specimen, an experiment in brain fuckery. \n\nThe scribbling, the writing. It isn't just that because I've asked them to not write (heh, the dude said sure and played the it doesn't matter if she isn't looking into my eyes and wrote anyway) but that specimen feel. Like the depressed monster on the slab. \n\nI dunno why I had to write this. Partially because I can't talk to therapists well, I feel they don't listen for the human connection?  \nAs far as things go, I can't even find a name for my anxiety around therapists, or any help from ANYONE.\n\nBecause fuck me, right?", "answer": "Well as person in graduate school who will soon be a therapist, in session, I would want to know if the writing is bothering you.  I know you brought it up before but it seems their head is to thick to pay attention.  Tell them all you just typed out about how it makes you feel.  These are intense feelings you just described.  I'm sure they don't realize on what level it bothers you.  How are you suppose to get to the therapeutic stuff if the behavior they are engaging in bothers you?  The feelings of anger, depression, panic attacks, and awkwardness are all normal.  you are going to someone to tell them shit you don't tell anyone.  It would be unusual if these feelings didn't come up.  They will subside as the therapeutic relationship strengthens.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2md0z9", "comment_id": "2md0z9"}, {"question": "Unstable identity gives u gender dysphoria?", "description": "For 95 percent of the time I feel like a cisgender female , I like having my feminine body and my feminine face. But I have these very few moments where I get extreme gender dysphoria  out of nowhere? Like I want to be a man so badly for a short sporadic period of time . But it\u2019s not consistent nor do I like he/him pronouns ..., is it bpd unstable sense of identity ???? Anyone else have this ? This extreme shift in identity where u badly want to live a man\u2019s life and live as one . But then like a match it just burns out???", "answer": "I do not have a diagnosis of BPD and I experience this at times (but I\u2019m also a slightly androgynous male).", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "fq4hju", "comment_id": "fq4hju"}, {"question": "Girl [28F] is seemingly in love with me [22M] and I don't feel the same way, will I ever?", "description": "I've been talking to this girl a good while...she is very smart, cute and good personality, but that's where it stops. Honestly she has major feelings for me and it's something that I feel most have not had for me...she does things for me that no girl has done before and I don't ask for anything from her, she just does it...based on what I am attracted  to she has started to do things differently to appease my tastes.. ZERO pressure from me....the only thing is, I'm not so sure I would do the same, and I feel like shit because of it and I continue to talk to her. Now I do things for her, it is definitely not a one way street and  I find her attractive (physically, mentally and spiritually) but not to the extent where she is at. There's little things that she doesn't do that kind of makes me second guess should I continue a relationship with this girl. I'm really hoping she will grow on me because she's a women that will take care of the person she is with, without a doubt...just from the way she's been I know. And I am looking to settle down. Is it wrong on my part to play it out? I don't want to hurt her. ", "answer": "usually falling in love doesn't 'grow' on someone. it happens relatively quickly. there are people who choose relationships for reasons other than 'in-love spark' however.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yn83q", "comment_id": "6yn83q"}, {"question": "Even with the people I'm closest to, it seems like I'm one bad conversation away from it being the last thing I ever say to them...One step over the line from never seeing them again.", "description": "It's like I'll forgive people for some crazy shit, but I have to be perfect to earn a spot in someone else's life because I'm just that inherently worthless. \n\nIf i say one thing wrong or break this image of being a perfect friend then it's all over because they can see the real me, and my image goes from white to black. \n\nThen they abandon me forever...just like everyone else.", "answer": "I was talking about this exact feeling with my therapist last week", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8jipif", "comment_id": "8jipif"}, {"question": "How does PTSD present itself in everyday life? Legitimate question.", "description": "I have been confronted with the notion that I may have Complex PTSD. \n\nI have some days I am great and others, when the triggers are discovered or happened upon, where I am bad. I am bad not just for a day or two but for weeks. It becomes debilitating until I am able to get ahold of myself and get back to my \"normal\", which is more of a contented state, not really \"happy\" per se. \n\nI wanted to know if it is normal to go through periods where life seems ok stable and then go through others where it is like living in a waking nightmare. I've struggled with this for a few years now and when the bad times come, they are incredibly difficult to maneuver. I wanted to know, if anyone does not mind sharing, what it is like in a day to day life living with this.\n\nI've recently opened up to my doctor about what has happened in my life and we are working through some things. I like to educate myself. Thank you guys so very much. ", "answer": "Highly recommend the book Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving. The authors website, www.pete-walker.com, also has some good info on what the experience of complex PTSD is like (e.g. see his section on emotional flashbacks). ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "6j4gw3", "comment_id": "6j4gw3"}, {"question": "The most neglected and misunderstood disorder?", "description": "I feel like DPDR is the most neglected and misunderstood disorder that exist. \nIt is like we\u2019re screaming for help but no one understands what language we\u2019re talking. I want people who don\u2019t live with this disorder to understand how painful it is. It\u2019s like we try to explain to other people but there is no use, because the disorder is unexplainable. How can we make other people understand? How can we raise awareness for this. Our voices are not being heard, we are not being treated right, we are not being seen, getting the help we deserve. Having a disorder that\u2019s so neglected is traumatic. Can\u2019t we do anything to raise awareness to this?", "answer": "> I feel like DPDR is the most neglected and misunderstood ~~disorder~~ that exists.\n\na common symptom in trauma and stressor related disorders and cases.", "topic": "dpdr", "post_id": "ic606d", "comment_id": "ic606d"}, {"question": "Weitgh loss and period", "description": "I posted a while ago that I was feeling great and losing weight with Metformin and a low GI diet. I\u2019m down a total of 14 lbs and my periods have gone from once every 4-6 months to a 39 day cycle \ud83d\ude4c\ud83c\udffb I\u2019m thankful that I learned about insulin resistance, for my situation managing that has been a game changer. Stay strong ladies, PCOS is a b*tch and I hope that all of you on this journey find ways to manage your symptoms that work for your body \ud83d\udcaa\ud83c\udffc", "answer": "I should also add, Metformin has worked absolute wonders for my acne which I have struggled with my entire adult life. I\u2019m 28 yrs old and my skin has never been so clear", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "cx1cml", "comment_id": "cx1cml"}, {"question": "My neighbor may have broken in my house today, while I was home", "description": "I live in an apartment complex and have known this neighbor for a little less than a year while living here. He lives with his girlfriend in an apartment where his first floor porch faces my driveway/front door. So he always sees our friend's cars parked out front and tends to invite himself over whenever he feels he wants to 'get in on this.' \n\nI lost a spare key some time ago and had been unsure to chalk it up as carelessness (tho I remember using it to get in the house, then putting it on the counter) or if it had been taken from me.\n\nToday I got home from work around 4:30 and locked the door behind me, like I do everytime out of habit. My boyfriend had already left for work so I was in an empty house, aside from being on the phone with my boyfriend. That's when my neighbor called. I had a bad feeling about that call because once in the past, he had called my phone to see if I am home when bf is at work. Then when I got home, an envelope with ~$200 was missing. Again, could have been carelessness (but goddamn, 200 is worth a lot to me right now). Suspicions of my neighbor being a theif have risen since that incident, along with 2 others- both where weed out on the table dissappeared while bf and I were out. Each time, the neighbor had knowledge of these valuables. I really get a bad feeling from him in general. I've seen him go on xanex binges and steal candy from stores and I hear the way he talks about ways to get over on people in little ways that will go unnoticed. To me, he's a snake. \n\nAnyway, I was hanging out on the couch today, talking on the phone to my bf after work when (after the phone call) there was a knock on the door. I didn't answer it, but had even more of a feeling that something was going to happen. I knew neighbor was the on knocking and felt like he was testing to see if anyone was home and would answer.\n\nSo bf got off the phone and I turned the tv off, I was just chilling and redditing on my phone. That's when I hear what sounds like my lock being turned by a key and my door cracks open, there he is. The couch I was sitting on has a direct view down the stairs into the foyer where the front door is and goddamn, seeing his face there sent me in more of a rage than I have ever felt. I start yelling at him \"you fucking opened my door with a key! That door was locked! What the fuck?!?!\" \n\nAnd his defense? \"Oh, the door was unlocked, I SWEAR! I just opened it to make sure that your house was safe!\"\n\nI wasn't wearing pants and was wrapped in a blanket and was just screaming at him for lying and opening the door and to get the fuck out of my face and door. Slammed door and locked, followedby serious rage home alone.\n\nI didn't call the cops.\n\nWhat if it was unlocked? Like I said, locking the door when entering is my habit, but what if I hadn't locked it for some reason? Wow, I wish I called the cops.I am so enraged. This kid is a pussy douche. He wouldn't have come in and hurt me, but he would have probably snooped around just looking for weed or money to steal if he had the oppurtunity.\n\nI want him to fess up to having our key, but what if he doesn't have it? He also for sure KNOWS I HATE when he let's himself in my place. I'm not tight with him like that.\n\nPlus he has a warrent out for a failure to appear for traffic court... he could be takenaway, I am so mad I didn't call the cops right away in retrospect. I had to get this off my chest, I.am.angry.", "answer": "There are three steps that you need to do right now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, right-the-heck-now.\n\n**One:** Call the police. Tell them basically what you wrote here, that you're sure you had locked the door and you heard him turn the lock. Even if he is some \"good guy,\" his excuse is lame as hell. \"I'm opening your door to make sure your apartment is safe?\" Give me a break.\n\n**Two:** Call your apartment's management. Tell them about the incident and that you feel unsafe. If they're halfway decent people, they're going to do two things: change your locks free of charge and kick that asshole out.\n\n**Three:** If your apartment's management aren't halfway decent people, call a locksmith and change your locks yourself.\n\nListen, I'm not trying to frighten you, but it appears as if a stranger has access to your home. You don't know him and you need to rectify that situation as soon as possible for your own safety. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1ey0fc", "comment_id": "1ey0fc"}, {"question": "When should i tell my employer i have an overseas trip coming?", "description": "So it's not so simple. I found the perfect casual job today. Had my interview/trial at a nice izakaya(japanese bar) and the owner was nice, everyone was nice and the atmosphere was great. Few small mistakes here and there but i took note of everything and got along well. \n\nSo the problem is i have a short family vacation in a few weeks(20th of july) and i will be away for 10 days. The normal weekly shifts will be 3 days per week  so i've calculated i would miss 4 if i went away. For this week i am suppose to come everyday until saturday to be trained.  I want the highest chance that my employer will keep me without canceling my trip. Should i tell him tomorrow? End of the week after training finished? End of next week when i have received my first pay? \n\n\nLittle background info: 22yo uni student in town thats hard to land a casual job. Ldr gf is also coming along the trip and i only see her twice a year, so canceling it would be such a hassle for me, my family and gf.\n\n\nTLDR; When should i tell i have a short overseas trip coming up? I did the interview already but i was never asked if  i had any upcoming unavailability.", "answer": "As soon as possible. If you've been hired, its because they assume you will be a good worker - no need to prove that you are. \n\nIf you wait, sure they might trust you more, but chances are they trust you already because they hired you. If you wait, you're also potentially making things harder for them , and they may wish that you had told them sooner.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c8clkk", "comment_id": "c8clkk"}, {"question": "I (M30) want to constructively communicate about responsibility with my SO (F29)", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and non-critical as I can. Examples are for clarity, not complaints.\n\nI'm getting quite frustrated with my girlfriend of ~2 years. She's a great girl by most measures, but I'm having trouble communicating my position/worries about personal responsibility with her. She's quite low-maintenance, as typical things go, so maybe I should shut up and be glad, but she's got some of what many guys may consider a childish outlook in terms of responsibility. Here are some examples of situations that bother me:\n\n1. Driving directions: many times this has happened. I'm driving, so I ask her to gps directions. She will, but not without thorough instructions. Some part of me gets to the point where I want to yell \"I can't look at the phone because I'm driving, figure it the hell out yourself!\" Worse than that, yesterday for example, I ask her to get directions and the route that google suggested was totally nonsensical, so I told her \"look at the full map and tell me where I need to go. I don't need you repeating what the gps says because it doesn't make sense, I need you to read the map.\" and she proceeded to repeat what google said. I stopped, read the map, and it was clear that the gps had me going the wrong way around 10 blocks instead of just making a right and going 2 blocks.\n\n2. Lack of car maintenance: Early in our relationship, she had a car with some miles on it. Long story short, it leaked trans fluid over time and the trans ended up grinding itself to death. She sold it for scrap and bought another car. It made awful noises and lost power on its final journey, but she seemed to have no idea. On another occasion a tire blew out on the highway (not sure if low pressure or she hit something, she claimed to not hit anything) so she drove a couple of miles to an exit before calling AAA. In both cases she paid for everything, of course. What I can't deal with is that this sort of negligence could ending up getting her or someone else hurt or costing us as a married couple because she simply has no knowledge/desire/belief that she should have to do anything to maintain her car. Everyone has the responsibility to look after their car, and I've tried telling her that you need more than just quick checkups at oil changes. I even had to teach her how to check air pressure. I'm SUPER happy to teach her anything and everything, and I'll even help change oil/whatever WITH her (not for her), but seriously, she's gone 12+ years driving cars without EVER checking her air pressure? This shit could get someone killed.\n\n3. Lack of awareness: This one came up today on a 4 hour road trip. First, she slept the whole way, made no offer to drive, didn't even say thank you for driving. Worse than that, we've been planning a birthday trip to a destination ~2 hours away, but this road trip was to the beach and she said she'd prefer to go to the beach for her birthday.  Fine, but she acts like there's no effort or cost in driving. There's seemingly zero consideration for anyone's effort. Same goes with cleaning things up around the house (she doesn't live with me, but spends almost every night at my ). Also related to driving: despite us talking about how bad it is to merge onto highway traffic slowly, she merges onto highways at speeds like 45mph. Somehow she just doesn't have a concept that what she does is wrong or not good enough.\n\n4. She gets upset REALLY easy: if I try telling her something she's doing isn't good enough, I'm just being a jerk. The crying threshold is very low in general. It seems like telling her to go figure something out on her own is an unjust imposition and knocking her down like she's not good enough. It makes things very difficult to discuss without getting her very upset. \n\nI know this seems to belong in /offmychest, but I'm only listing stories for color/clarity. To me, it screams of growing up as daddy's spoiled little girl. She's usually very low maintenance, but there are so many times where I just want to tell her that I'm not her dad and I'm not here to do everything for her and she needs to step up figure shit out on her own sometimes. I want an equal partnership more than a traditional relationship. I don't mind sometimes indulging the old-timey relationship ideals, and I don't mind playing the gentleman, but it's so hard to give more when I feel like I'm silently expected to wait on her. It makes me want to leave her behind with her arms full and let her realize she's a big girl and has to do shit. And it's usually little things on a daily basis, so I'm stuck in that place where any one thing is niggling but the whole picture adds up to a big complaint. But if you start making lists, you're an asshole. I'm made comments in the past and I'm frequently told that I'm just being mean, like me asking her to assume a duty is being mean because no one has previously asked her to have to be actually responsible for anything.\n\nTL:DR: My girlfriend is generally low maintenance but doesn't actively try very hard. If I asked her to paint a wall, I feel like I'd have to show her how to open the paint can, pour it, wet the roller, roll it on the wall, when to re-wet it, and if the wall came out bad, it was my fault for not explaining something. It makes me scared about marriage, like I'm going to have to do everything simply because she doesn't think she has to figure out anything on her own. Like the kid in school who can't do 6+5= because she was only taught how to do 5+5= in class. I want to talk constructively about this with her but I feel like I'm just going to end up being a jerk and getting mad. \n\nThanks!", "answer": "everyone has idiosyncrasies that are best ignored. save your energy for big stuff. my wife hasn't turned off a light or locked a door in 38 years. the key to ltr is letting go of the small stuff.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6b7a4s", "comment_id": "6b7a4s"}, {"question": "Losing my best friend (ex) or my potential partner", "description": "Basically, I was in a relationship with this guy for 8 months or so until I broke up with him around the beginning of November of this year. We both are best friends with this other guy but recently me and this guy have become even closer as we're in Uni together and have been spending a lot of time together. We both started noticing that we have so so much in common and just always having a great time hanging out. We then began to start thinking differently about each other in a different light for the last month or so and we just got closer and closer as time progressed. A few nights ago, we kissed and then chatted about the pros and cons about what will could potentially happen next. We both felt we kind of suited each other and that we always seemed to always get along and never argue or anything in the slightest. My head has just been all over the place now because I know my ex would not be happy with what has happened but I also really think me and this other guy can work extremely well together. ", "answer": "your friendship with this guy is more important than what your ex thinks", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ktebz", "comment_id": "5ktebz"}, {"question": "My husband was in a wreck with an 18 wheeler. Has a brain injury, multiple fractures. In ICU for a week+ now.", "description": "Hi reddit. I haven't posted a lot. I usually like to lurk. But I need to vent and just ramble for a bit. \n\nMy husband was on his way to work Monday August 18th. This was his last day on his 4 days rotation. Has 4 off. He woke me up and kissed me bye and hugged me. Said he was going to the convenience store to get drinks for the day. \n\nAt 6am I get a call from his work asking where he was. I got this awful feeling something was horribly wrong. I look in the house to see if he went back to sleep on the couch or if his car was there still. He wasn't there. So while checking to see where he was his boss gets back on the phone to me and says \"I am so sorry but I was just told by other Co workers there was an accident this morning.\" \n\nI immediately hang up and dial the police station asking for info about the accident and if it was my husband. Dispatcher puts me on hold with what feels like forever. Gets back on and tells me yes it was him and they had care flighted him to another hospital 45 mins away. We live in a small town so whenever they care flight you know it's bad. \n\nI hang up and call my cousin asking for her to please drive me there. I couldn't drive in that state. Also we have two small children.  Two and seven years old. So they couldn't be left alone obviously. Took my cousin and her husband a few minutes to get to me. While I waited I called the hospital getting Info about him. They said he came in through ER and got him stable and took him to ICU. He had a bad brain injury and multiple fractures to his face arm and leg. All left side. \n\nWhile my cousin was driving they let me speak to the neurosurgeon before he took him to surgery. He said to me point blank \"he has a serious head injury there is swelling and bleeding on the brain and I'm not sure what I can do for him.\" \n\nAt that point I lost it and begged for him to please save him.  That he had me and 2 little girls at home and was a good man. He said he would do his best. That was at about 7am or so. \n\nWe get to the hospital and they make us wait in this waiting room from 720am or so until almost 10:30ish is when they finished the surgery on his head. However they didn't start his surgery until 823am when the OR nurse called to let me know. Then once they closed the head up orthopedics came in and cleaned out his fractures but could not set them at the time. \n\nThe neurosurgeon finally came out and talked to me. Said they had to remove part of his skull to relieve the brain swelling and were able to stop the bleeding but had to clip some type of artery which could cause strokes later on. I didn't get to see him until around 1 or 2pm. Time is fuzzy still. I walked in icu to see him. He is on a ventilator. Both eyes black. Face very swollen. Has a jaw fracture. Broken cheek and eye socket. Arm and elbow broken. Leg broken. However he has no internal injuries somehow. Spine and heart lungs other organs are all fine.... \n\nHe has not woke up from the accident yet. They said they don't know if he will or if he does what extent of the brain damage is. He does have reflexes and moves away from pain.  He absolutely hates it when they clean his mouth out. His grip is very strong when he squeezes. Sometimes he will squeeze on command sometimes not. He does move his legs and neck a little. \n\nHe is currently in surgery right now with them fixing his arm and leg. Tomorrow depending on how he handles today he will get the facial surgery tomorrow to correct those fractures. \n\nI got a copy of the accident report and the sgt who worked on the case is a friend of mine. Said somehow he ended up on the wrong side of the road and clipped the 18wheeler,  went down the side of the trailer hit the back wheels and the car spun around. They were the only 2 cars on the road at the time and the truck driver fully cooperated. Was a huge national trucking company here in the US. \n\nI highly doubt my husband fell asleep at the wheel. When he woke me up to say bye he was fully dressed and alert. He went to the store down the road. I verified his purchase with my bank account and the time stamp. He did not text and drive, is highly against it. Always wears his seat belt. I suppose it's possible he dropped something and went to get it but I doubt it again. Knowing my husband he always keep his eyes on the road. \n\nWhen the mail came Monday around noon there was a notice about a recall for this particular model and something with the car can cause you to lose control of the car with breaks and steering. This could explain a lot. There were no skid marks indicating he tried to break or steer away. \n\nAlso no history of blackout or strokes but always a possibility I suppose. We did retain council as the truck drivers insurance company was harassing my family and neighbors and even the police dept clerks for information about my husband and I..... Also they will be looking into the recall and keeping the car safe from people tampering with it. \n\nI am hoping and praying he can make some kind of recovery from this. He is a very strong man and the fact that he lived from the accident is amazing in itself. I am aware his brain injury is bad. And he will probably never be the same again but I have hope. \n\nFor now this is all the info I have. Probably have forgotten some things along the way. \n\nPlease reddit keep us in your thoughts and prayers. And if there are any of other subreddits where I could find any support please let me know. I know there are so many. \n\nThank you all for reading.\n\n8/28/14 1am Edit: Thank you all for your kind words, experiences, thoughts and prayers. It really means a lot to me and will to my husband when I tell him about it after his facial surgery tomorrow. Letting him rest tonight. I am about to get some sleep myself. Or try to anyways. I will keep everyone updated for sure. \n\n8/28/14 7pm Edit: My husband had his facial surgery today. Had 3 titanium plates added. He loves the robo cop movies so I told him he is kinda like half robo cop now lol. Hopefully he is listening and got a laugh outta that. The surgeries have taken a lot out of him you can tell. His face looks so tired and not as responsive as he was but they said it shouldn't be too big of a set back. Thank you all again for your kind words and support. Really means a lot to me. \n\nMade new thread with update. \n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/2f57uc/update_for_my_husband_was_involved_in_a_wreck/", "answer": "I am so sorry this is happened  to you and your family. I hope that the insurance companies do not cause added stress for you. You will likely have family and friends volunteering to do stuff for you-- I would suggest maybe designating one as a go between for the insurance company so that you don't have to handle those details right now.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2er6gx", "comment_id": "2er6gx"}, {"question": "Hey there ladies and gentlemen, let\u2019s commit to NOT be on here tomorrow asking for a reset!", "description": "The weekend is upon us.  Secure your grip and check your footing.  The Sober Train is rolling, let\u2019s all stay onboard!\n\nIWNDWYT!  CHOO CHOOO \ud83d\ude82", "answer": "Yooo ready for a full Saturday of sunshine! Let\u2019s get it! IWNDWYT !", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "by13u4", "comment_id": "by13u4"}, {"question": "4 Years in, 1 year from marriage. HELP!", "description": "Hi guys, long time Redditor but here on a throwaway and never visited the sub before.\n\nI wanted to run my situation past you as I'm just not ready to speak to my friend group or family as they are too invested in the situation.\n\nI (m26) have been with my Fianc\u00e9 (f27) for four years now. Living together for 3 and engaged for 1.\n\nWe have had an amazing relationship and still when it feels right, it's amazing. We clearly love each other, the trust is there and we enjoy each other's company. The issue is, in the last few months when I'm supposed to be getting excited about getting married and planning away, I've actually been feeling more and more distant from my partner.\n\nI've begun to get worried about the situation getting worse and the last thing I want is to get a few months out or even closer to the wedding and finally realise it's just not working, it would absolutely break her in two.\n\nPart of my problem is that I can't figure out exactly what is wrong, I just feel like we're growing apart. In my opinion, a lot of our issues stem from a mismatched sex drive with mine admittedly being above average and hers being below, but I have been made to feel unreasonable about it, with no happy compromise, we simply have sex when she wants it, which is increasingly infrequent.\n\nThere are also a lot of personal issues that she deals with around unresolved family issues, struggles with mood and anxiety and over time, encouragement and support to help has been ignored. I don't want to be put into a situation where I feel like I'm laying down an ultimatum that something has to be done or we can't get married, but it's a big deal for me as I feel it could really impact our future together.\n\nTalking generally results in upset or anger, so I don't really know what to do.\n\nIf anyone has experience of a similar situation, I welcome any input you have. I think I'm mainly hoping to separate out general nerves around committing myself to someone forever and warning signs of impending relationship failure.\n\nMy head is a muddle, so I don't know if I got this across correctly at all, so please ask questions if there is anything I'm being vague or unclear about.\n\nGenuinely, thanks so much in advance to anyone who even reads my problem, and even more so to those that can offer help and advice.", "answer": "We're all a package deal. After 4 years, you know who she is. Likely nothing different now than before. Most couples have to find common ground with libido. Is she getting treatment for mood and anxiety? Maybe you two could see the therapist together to fine tune all these issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zhu2n", "comment_id": "6zhu2n"}, {"question": "From my understanding, Effexor raises the levels of serotonin and norepenephrine, but what about dopamine? Is there no effect, or does it actually DECREASE it?", "description": "  I'm sorry, I' know this is kind of a science-y question, but I'm very interested in an explanation here so I can ask my doctor for further guidance towards my treatment regimen. If you feel like this would belong in a better subreddit, by all means recommend it...and any answer is greatly appreciated!\n\n​\n\nI'm a 30 year old white male, 170 lbs. The only medication i'm currently taking is Effexor. Suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. \n\nSo, I've been on 75 mg of Effexor for just over two years now, and it has been a godsend for managing my IBS symptoms as well as lessening my anxiety. But the antidepressant effect is still not realized, which is why I'd be interested in working with my doctor to increase the dosage.\n\nHowever, in spite of the fact that I take the medication upon waking (and with food), it makes me feel quite foggy and as if my concentration has been hampered. In a way, I guess you could say it has created it's own subtle depressive \"blah\" feeling. This hasn't dissipated after 2 years, which is why I've been reluctant to increase.\n\nBut here's where the story thickens:\n\nNot being a coffee or tea drinker, I never had much of a caffeine tolerance built up. But last year when I tried caffeine tablets at the advice from a friend, I noticed that this brain fog, lack of concentration, and \"blah\" feeling instantly vanished - and it's been managed with these tablets ever since.....another godsend!! However, as you can imagine, the caveat is increased anxiety and in turn, increased IBS symptoms. It's kind of a mini vicious cycle.\n\nFrom my understanding, caffeine predominantly affects the reuptake of dopamine ONLY, and after doing some reading online about how Effexor starts to affect the reuptake of dopamine at HIGHER doses, I was wondering how true this all is. In other words, it can be more \"stimulating\" at higher doses.\n\nWould it actually serve me better to increase to 150 mg? is this a worthwhile discussion/question to bring to my doctor?\n\nThank you for any advice!", "answer": "At 75 mg Effexor acts mostly as a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, and it's higher doses that produce norepinephrine reuptake inhibition. The effects can be quite significantly different, not just \"more,\" at higher doses. Because norepinephrine is stimulating, that would be the primary cause of any stimulant effect, I think, rather than dopamine.\n\nCaffeine is a whole separate discussion, but it acts primarily on adenosine receptors and only indirectly on dopamine.\n\nIn any case, yes, Effexor is different enough that an increase in dose can produce significant changes and is worth a discussion with a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ahdg9h", "comment_id": "ahdg9h"}, {"question": "Moderation is harder than abstinence?", "description": "I have listened this This Naked Mind a couple of times and love Amy Grace's nuanced and compassionate approach. One thing she talks a lot about is how stressful it can be to drink moderately, and this is really hard for me to accept but I think it's finally starting to land. I have a handful of experiences now that confirm this. I used to think I needed alcohol to be sociable, but have recently experimented with abstaining in situations where I would previously have invariably cut loose, such as going to a show at a bar or camping with friends. I am finding that I like being fully aware and present in these moments, and alcohol is not nearly as tempting as I expected it would be. \n\nI think it's turning out that my biggest trigger is actually being alone at home with \"nothing better to do.\" \n\nI still haven't managed to string together more than about a week sober, because as soon as I start to feel normal and my confidence comes back, I find myself thinking \"I can handle it, a couple of beers sounds nice, what harm could that do?\" Which, of course, is typical rationalization and of course I know all too well what harm those \"couple of beers\" can do. \n\nI guess I'm just looking to hear something from the community about your experiences on your journey back to the world of the living. \n\nHas anyone else felt similarly? \n\nAny stories you'd care to share? \n\nAny suggestions on how to handle that insidious voice that tells me \"don't be so hard on yourself\" and to \"just relax and don't make it such a big deal\"? (I have temporarily nicknamed this voice Hexxus, but am trying to think of a better name for him).   \n\nIs moderation a tenable goal for anyone who has been addicted to alcohol?", "answer": "I tried to moderate for years. Took me much longer than I wished it did to realize that it doesn\u2019t work for me. Stove was hot every single time I put my hand on it, but still thought (or hoped) it wouldn\u2019t be too many times to count.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "cyqlmo", "comment_id": "cyqlmo"}, {"question": "Looking for advice on coming off my medications", "description": "Age: 18\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'2\"\n\nWeight: 130lb\n\nRace: Caucasian\n\nDuration: Two years\n\nLocation: The depression is in my brain\n\nMedical issues: Depression,anxiety, and migraines. I also have seizures but nothing diagnosed\n\nMedications: Zoloft 75mg, Abilify 2mg\n\nRecreational drugs: Marijuana three times a week\n\nSmoking: Vape\n\nLooking for advice on supplements, or natural ways to come off of my medications. I plan on talking with my doc next month, but I would like to go in with some ideas.", "answer": "There's nothing that clearly helps with stopping medications. The important questions are why you want to stop and what the medications have, or haven't, accomplished for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cl60bc", "comment_id": "cl60bc"}, {"question": "How do I find the right therapist?", "description": "I did find a couple of therapists specific to my needs but no therapist in my area has a good internet presence so there is no way I can look at reviews. Also, I have tried but I can't ask about it to everyone obviously.", "answer": "I wouldn't rely too much on reviews. Internet presence is unrelated to training,  clinical skills or expertise in your specific issue .\n\nPersonally,  I am against reviews for mental health services because of confidentiality issues . I would never want my patients to \"out\" themselves online. Even if they are willingly leaving a review,  there is no telling what circumstances can change in the future .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gun9n7", "comment_id": "gun9n7"}, {"question": "Is anyone here on disability?", "description": "I am wondering if anyone is. I am possibly interested in pursuing it. I'm worried I may get rejected. ", "answer": "Lurker here: I'm a therapist and have at least 8 clients with Bipolar Disorder (as well as MDD, Schizoaffective, & Schizophrenia). Many of my clients are on some form of disability.\n\nWord of advice: You will likely get rejected, regardless of the merit of your claim. Most of my clients (who needed it) were rejected their first time. I have a personal hypothesis that the Gov. rejects many people the 1st time to weed out those who actually need it and those who are just trying to scam the government, as those who really need it will keep pursuing it. ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "15k59s", "comment_id": "15k59s"}, {"question": "Can a person die from overt hepatic encephalopathy?", "description": "A 65-year-old woman with approx. 25 years of AUD has Grade 4 HE precipitated by a minor GI bleed. She slipped into a coma while in hospital and was quickly intubated and sedated. Published papers cite less than 50% one-year survival after severe OHE but is it likely that she will die imminently? If so, how/why? Is it edema the thing to worry about?", "answer": "You don't usually die of hepatic encephalopathy, but you die of the liver failure that causes encephalopathy. Risk of death really depends on level of liver damage, and that is best answered by asking the medical team involved.\n\nComplications that can cause death are varied, and which ones are or aren't likely depend on specifics we don't know. If she's had a GI bleed, there's the risk of massive GI bleed from both varices and impaired clotting due to poor liver synthetic function.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dqdmtz", "comment_id": "dqdmtz"}, {"question": "Should I tell her some words before NC?", "description": "I (22M) just broke up with my 13 months girlfriend (22F) yesterday. \n\nIt was one of the saddest night in the entire duration of our relationship. We broke up because our personalities were incompatible but we ended up breaking up peacefully. \n\nShe was my first love and she was concerned and worried whether I can take the blow. Throughout the night she was telling me that \"i could find another one\" etc (And my stubborn mind tells me i still want her no matter how impossible it seems)\n\nBut as the worst possible boyfriend there are still some last words i would like to tell her before initiating NC. Words such as thanks for the past 13 months etc. \n\nBut I havent texted her for a day so I dont know is it too late to say some final words then reinitate NC? Or I should just keep quiet and forever never say it?\n", "answer": "speak from the heart.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pbxhr", "comment_id": "5pbxhr"}, {"question": "Waiting for him to contact me first in order to give space?", "description": "I'm gonna try to make this quick, me (f25) and my ex (m28) are dating but are not official we were together 6 years, broken up for about 4 months. Because we aren't official, I can't get mad when he doesn't call, ect. However, last week, I asked him to call me on a certain day to set up plans for the weekend, and he didn't, so I did get upset. He got all upset because he's set up this rule that we can't see each other more than once a week because he's afraid of being official just yet and doesn't want to rush things. Fine, I'll respect that. I last saw him Sunday, called him Monday because I was feeling anxious about something and just needed to ask him for clarification. He was a little annoyed at it, at first but told me he saw where I was coming from. Have not heard from him since. On Friday we had a little argument, and he still texted me later that night to say hi...so I would have thought I would hear from him by now, as he's been texting me pretty much everyday. I'm wondering if he'll contact me tonight, as it's been a few days. \n\nI want to contact him because I have a lot of good/cool things I want to share with him, but because I want to give him his space and make him worry about me if I haven't contacted him first (I'm usually the first to contact) I'm hesitant. But, I'm just worried if I DON'T text him he'll just think I'm losing interest, but, the other day I made it pretty clear that I was all on board for getting back together officially when he was ready. I've read other posts where guys have said that if you want to contact him, just do it because if you don't, it shows disinterest, however, this situation is a little bit different. Am I doing the right thing by just waiting for him to contact me first so that I've given him some space? \n\n**TL;DR** Dating ex bf, but we are not official, I usually contact him first, but now I want him to contact me first so I can give him space. Wondering if I should go for it or if I am doing the right thing since I don't want him to think I'm disinterested. ", "answer": "In the short term, I would respect his space and not completely bombard him.  It's difficult because you have all this history but essentially you are that beginning of the relationship period of not wanting to come off as too clingy or needy while not letting things fizzle.  You have stated your intentions though, so he knows.\n\nI would also consider if this is worth going through all that nervousness and unsureness again to try this relationship out again.  To me personally, what you've described of his behavior sends off red flags for me, but I don't know you or him personally and your relationship together so I can only speak of my opinion.  I would suggest for you to consider if this is worth going through or if you are going back to him because of the familiarity of the relationship\n\nIn the long term, I would honestly suggest if you both are invested in your relationship working to go to couples counseling.  There is going to be A LOT of baggage from being together six years, breaking up, and getting back together.  For you both to get off on a good foot this time around and not let that baggage get in the way, I think would be highly beneficial to work through any of the issues that led to the break up and help to establish your relationship together now in a healthier mind frame.\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1diu2k", "comment_id": "1diu2k"}, {"question": "Am I [29/m] going crazy? Can someone tell me if I wrote or implied something I'm missing to my gf [26/f]?", "description": "This is infuriating me. My girlfriend of 1 year seems to be under the impression that I broke up with her when I only asked that I needed some time to myself since I was mad at her. Today I messaged her and dropped off her favourite drink and she said \"its over\" because I said it was over yesterday over text (which I did not). I told her several times that I did not say this and to pinpoint exactly in our texts when I said this and she said she said I did it indirectly. I apologized to her if she interpretted things wrong but I did not mean that at all. She insists that it was me that broke things off and says that now I want her back and that I have a sudden change of heart.\n\nIn any case, I've attached a screenshot of the whole convo. It would give me so much peace of mind if someone can critique this objectively and verify if what my GF says is true. I am at my wits and so dumbfounded at how we're both interpretting this differently. My only conclusions are:\n\n- she genuinely misinterpretted things due to her emotions getting in the way\n- she won't admit she screwed up\n- she's looking for an excuse to break up\n\nSome context to the conversation: We were supposed to meet up before she went to dinner with her parents. Up until the very last minute, she flaked out on me. This is literally upto the last minute as the earliest time she could've met up with me is 5:30 and she was supposed to have dinner at 6 (which I found out after, I thought thye were meeting at 7). Cooincidentally, I chose to meet up with parents around after meeting her\n\nHere's [part 1](http://i.imgur.com/kFwdonB.jpg), and [part 2](http://i.imgur.com/MfjouqX.jpg) of the conversations\n\nTLDR; Girlfriend thinks I broke up with her based on the convo on the two links above. Please confirm that she misread things or not", "answer": "You overreacted, and your girlfriend exhausted her supply of guilt and began to feel attacked. \n\nNext time, if she fucks up and you'd like to stay in relationship with her, say \"that really sucks\" and drop it till you can communicate without whining about it. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6gdg8l", "comment_id": "6gdg8l"}, {"question": "Dude is moving waaaay too fast emptionally.", "description": "So I am moving to Texas next month, and because of this one of my friends from there decided to set me up with a guy in her congregation.  He is really cool, and we like a lot of the same things, but we've only been texting for 3 days and he is now calling me pet names and texting me to say good morning beautiful and stuff like that.  He has also said \"come over to my house\" kind of seruously.  Never mind the 1500 miles between us that feels creepy to me. I am not comfortable with this behavior at all, as i am really (really really) independent. \nHow should I proceed? Is it not worth trying to even make it to the first date?\n\nEdit: I am 19(f) and he is 22(m).", "answer": "just tell him the pace you need", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68uc1v", "comment_id": "68uc1v"}, {"question": "I love the anonymity of Reddit.", "description": "It makes it so much easier to express my feelings and opinions that I would never say in real life and it gives me a chance to vent every now and then without any consequences. My stress levels would be through the roof if anyone I knew personally found my reddit \ud83d\ude02", "answer": "Hi Carl", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "gqjikq", "comment_id": "gqjikq"}, {"question": "It's coming for me", "description": " \n\nThe last two days I have been feeling very drained. Extremely tired. Today I have been feelings very bad. Every time I stop doing something I feel something drag me down hard. This weight hits me as soon as my mind is no occupied. I know that something bad is coming. I hope I can fight it off.\n\nWhat ever this is is very dark.\n\nBut just about an hour ago I went to eat a bit of my left over lunch and when I stopped I practically had to run to the kitchen because what ever this dark thing is was going to make me stab myself with the dork if I held it any longer.\n\nI just cannot grasp my mind away from this thing.", "answer": "I think it's time for a hospital visit, friend. technically you are having thoughts of hurting yourself. I would go in and talk with some nurses just to be sure. ", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "agsokf", "comment_id": "agsokf"}, {"question": "Trying to taper, quit, or manage your substance use in the new year? Try using this free app I made.", "description": "**What's good y'all, happy almost new year!**\n\nFor everyone that's trying to taper off a substance, control their usage, spend less money on drugs, take tolerance breaks, or overall keep themselves in check in the new year, I wanted to mention this app I created called Tablets.\n\nI knew a little bit of coding (I dropped out of my second Computer Science class) but I figured I would start a side project in my free time. I started working on an app that my friends and I used to track our substance use. It has helped one of my best friends follow a benzo taper plan as well as help many that have reached out with quitting or managing their substance use.\n\n**Everything is stored locally on your device** (focusing on privacy) and it's easy to use and nice to look at. Data can be viewed in many ways including custom metrics *(What is the average time I wait between my doses of ___? When is the last time I took ___?)*, and can be **exported/backed up** to a spreadsheet or **deleted** at any time.\n\nI put 200 hours into this update over the last 6 weeks and it's finally at a point where I thought I would share it once again, however it's still in active development and I'm implementing new features basically every week.\n\n[Here's a link to the App Store](https://ad.apps.fm/HVh9S_es7jd2hB3wYVNGh7mEqdAzHrteUpaQzsBej-3tsyQSW6x6O5GRfHG2n3NT8dst85Ks7H1IBqMQ9PI05g)\n\nThank you for the love and stay safe!", "answer": "Thank you\n\nEdit: Okay wow, so it\u2019s actually pretty cool", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "eiale9", "comment_id": "eiale9"}, {"question": "Me (29M) need help with online dating.", "description": "Whenever I message girls I sometimes give a compliment, talk about hobbies, share something that makes me unique, talk about something crazy that happened that day, ask the girl questions about herself. \n\nNow my problem is that they usually send short replays and eventually stop texting back. Even though I ask open ended questions. \n\n\nI've been told I'm a 6, so not the most attractive man out there. I'm a clean cut dude with his priorities in order, I live alone in the nice part of town. So I have accomplished something in my life, which should make me more appealing?\n\nI do understand that I don't drink or do drugs. I don't like bars and clubs. Which most young people seem to like these things. I'm a childfree atheist in a religious area. \n\nSo my questions are: am I boring them? Or I'm I so different that they really aren't even interested? Or is it most girls are looking for someone that's over a 6 on the attractive scale regardless of life accomplishments?\n\n Any and all advice would be great. You won't hurt my feelings. \n\nOh and I'm very subtle and respectful. I'm not like \"hey I've done something with my life so you are obligated to talk to me\". I'm not like that at all and just clarifying just incase I came off as snobbish.  \n\n\nEdit: just wanted to add that in person I seem to do fine talking to girls. Maybe because joking around is easier idk. \n\n\n\n\n***Edit: here is my dating profile description I use. Constructive criticism is welcome. ***\n\nI live alone so no pesky roommates lol!\n\nI don't do drugs. I'm cool with weed but I don't wanna lose my job and benefits over a joint.\n\nI like to play video games and hang out. They say I'm an intelligent dude and deep conversation is a plus.\n\nOn a typical weekday I work 10 hours then like to come home and rest for a bit. Maybe go out to eat and chill, play Xbox, and read. Maybe even hit up the hot tub or pool.\n\nI'm the type of guy would likes just hang with friends and cut up, play video games, table top games, Netflix, read, maybe have a drink somewhere I don't have to drive afterwords. Dubstep shows are pretty cool as well. \n\n\u2022I'll be honest with you.\n\u2022I'll be a faithful companion.\n\u2022I'll be supportive.\n\u2022I'll never ask you for money.\n\u2022I'm self supportive, I only want your companionship.\n\u2022My mother doesn't pay my phone bill.\n\u2022 I'm well spoken. (No \"yo homie G\" from me).\n\u2022 I'm very approachable.\n\u2022 I will calmly work through problems.\n I will not let you use me.\n I want a partner that will work with me not against me.\n I want a partner that wants to work with me so we can have financial stability and a better life overall. \n\n\n", "answer": "the key to online dating is this: it only takes one.  and you might talk to hundreds of people before the one. don't sweat it. be yourself. be patient.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pk7ss", "comment_id": "6pk7ss"}, {"question": "See Colors In The Dark?", "description": " \n\n21 years old, female, 5'6'', 130lb, no medical issues or current medications.\n\nI was wondering if you could tell me why I sometimes see colors in the dark. It's normally about ten minutes in after I lie in bed (with no lights on and shades and curtains closed). During that time with my eyes open I occasionally see slow flashing colors appear as if I put on a pair of colored shades. They normally tend to change colors every few seconds. Such as it will start with blue, red, purple,to green, orange, then yellow, but never stays in that exact order. I have had this since I was a child, and have never asked anyone about before. Hope you can help. Thank you!", "answer": "That sounds like prisoner's cinema or phosphenes, the fancy terms for the phenomenon of perceiving something without a light stimulus. The exact reason and mechanism isn't very well understood, at least as far as I understand it, but my best guess is that a large contributing factor is how much of our brains is given over to seeing and making sense of what we see. Without enough actual input, such as in the dark, our brains try to interpret the lack of data and produce odd sights somewhat analogously to the way the DeepMind neural network software (in)famously found animal faces everywhere by overprocessing data. Our brains are literal and original neural networks and do something similar.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9o8lvi", "comment_id": "9o8lvi"}, {"question": "\"take this medication with a meal\" what constitutes a meal? (nutrition/medication question)", "description": "age: 20 weight: 142 lbs (not that I think this is necessarily relevant lol)\n\nRecently I fell ill and saw a doctor who prescribed me 5 days worth of Presnidone and 10 days worth of antibiotics. both medications should be taken with a meal, according to their bottles.\n\nmy question is: what constitutes a meal? like what is the minimum I have to ingest for these kinds of medications (steroids and antibiotics?)\nis it important to have volume in my stomach, or is it important to have proteins in my stomach, or what? or because \"meal\" is specified and not just \"food\" does this mean it's important to have different \"types\" of foods in my stomach? (like having carbs, fats, and proteins in some combination) edit: for example, do i need to eat in order to slow the digestion of the medication (through volume) or is it about preventing the medication from resting on my stomach lining? etc\n\nbasically I'm just a person opposed to eating meals and I want to know what the minimum I have to ingest in order for these medications to not hurt me/be ineffective/cause severe irritation.", "answer": "It's dependent on the medication and why you take it with food. For some, you need enough food to enhance medication absorption or you don't get the intended dose. For others, it's to reduce the risk of upset stomach due to the medication causing irritation.\n\nPrednisone is definitely the latter. I don't know of any definite numbers, but my guess (and it's a guess) is that more food means less risk of irritation. It's often taken with breakfast, which isn't a huge meal for most people but is probably a few hundred calories. I also don't know whether it's calories or just bulk of stuff that works; it seems quite possible that eating negligible calories in bulky greens is more protective than taking pills with a meal's worth of calories in soda.\n\nSince you didn't say which antibiotic, I can't help you with that one.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bc7b1v", "comment_id": "bc7b1v"}, {"question": "My father is diagnosed bipolar but he is also acting very strangely", "description": "##Background and Depression  \n\nMy father has been off work for 6 months and is now on long term disability.  We noticed that he had been more down than usual for the 2 years prior, there were some stressful events and tragedies in those 2 years, though I don't know if they played a significant role in his mental health.  \n\nAnyways, he is on meds, sees a psych once a week, sees a doctor around once a month, receives visits from a social worker once or twice a week.  He is in his early 50s and luckily my mother is stay at home so she can be with him all day, though this is taking its toll on her.  \n\nMy father acts like you would expect a bipolar person too, bouts of depression lasting a few days, some normal days and then he will have extraordinary energy every now and then.   \n\n----  \n\n##Strange Episodes  \n\nThen there are episodes where is just strange.  A few times a month and lasting for half a day to 2 days he will be strange.  The best way that I can explain it is that he doesn't listen or understand what we tell him and that he forgets what just happened, he often repeats himself, every-time a song plays on the radio he tells us that he loves that song, same thing with random movies.   \n\nHe will also have a slight slur to his speech and he will sometimes stumble as he walks, he has a general lack of coordination too during these episodes.  He is also uncharacteristically annoyed by small things, especially when my mother tells him that he shouldn't drive or operate power tools while in this state, though he will eventually relent, though it is exhausting to get him to listen.   \n\n---  \n##Help dealing with him  \n\nI don't know how to deal with his episodes and I am also worried about my mother who I feel is getting increasingly worn down.  Are his episodes just part of being bipolar or might he have something else more serious?  We have all kinds of mental illness in our family OCD in my brother (real OCD not the *omg I'm so OCD lol* type), his mother is bipolar, his grandmother had Alzheimers.\n\n---   \n##Please Help  \n\nAny ideas about his behaviour?   \nHow to help my mother who is having a hard time dealing with him?    \n\nInfinite thanks to anyone who can help.  ", "answer": "These episodes could be a result of his medication.  Do you know what he is taking?  To be honest without working with him I am unsure if it is part of bipolar or not.  Some of the symptoms sound like it but others such as the slurred speech sound more medication related.  I would go with him to his next psych appointment and discuss it with them. \n\nAs far as helping your mother that is unfortunately more difficult.  It can be hard on a caretaker especially if they never planned on something like this happening.  At this point she is probably feeling very stressed and not really seeing an end to this situation which can make it even more defeating.  I would just try to help her in anyway you can with the responsibilities.  Maybe even give her a weekend off now and then.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qroim", "comment_id": "4qroim"}, {"question": "Emotional cheating", "description": "I've been dating my bf for only 6 mos and just found out he's been communicating with his ex/friend of 22 years. Already knew they talked and was ok with that since I too talk with my exes and friends from the past BUT sending racy pics and talking of the sex they used to have is not acceptable behavior.\nHe's been doing this the entire time. They both feel bad (for getting caught maybe) and have apologized. \nNow I have to make a decision to move on or make it work. \nShes was there before me and will be there when I'm gone! \nI feel unimportant and that my trust was taken for granted. I already have trust issues and was single a long time before dating him. I'm very independent and really don't need this worry in my life.\nNot sure what to do. He's a great guy except for this. \n", "answer": "i would move on, because he's still enmeshed", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74mwfm", "comment_id": "74mwfm"}, {"question": "Just watched preview for \"Love on the Spectrum\"...", "description": "And I went right past it. I don't know how to say it without insulting the people on the show, but it appeared as though the casting director picked stereotypes. They all just seem a bit childish and I cannot relate to them at all. But then again, good for them I guess? We need some representation. But when it's done primarily this way, it is hard for some high functioning people like myself that can pass for most of the time. \n\nThe show just kinda seems like a minstrel show about autism. Placing people on display so that NTs can pretend to be sympathetic and say: \"Wow, autistic people are people! Who knew!\". But then these stereotypes make it harder for people to accept autistic people that fall out of that stereotype. Idk \ud83d\ude44", "answer": "There is a very wide range of diversity if you actually watch the show imo. Several people I probably wouldn't pick up on as being on the spectrum even though I'm usually very sensitive to that. I love it. I am on my third watch already. I have learned a lot and relate so much to many people on the show, even though I am a person who always passes as neurotypical, even to almost all mental health professionals. I think the show is useful for NTs to see how wide and varied the spectrum is but personally I care more about the fact that I enjoy and get a lot out of the show.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "i1w0y7", "comment_id": "i1w0y7"}, {"question": "How do you pinpoint obsession from compulsion?", "description": "I have both HOCD and ROCD and i'm having really a hard time recognizing obsession from compulsion or compulsion from obsession.  Any ideas on how to recognize it accurately?\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "The obsession  refers to the intrusive thought,  the compulsion refers to the behavior .\n\nFor example , in hand washing,  thoughts/worries about germs , feeling dirty would be an obsession and the act of washing hands is the compulsion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fx57ho", "comment_id": "fx57ho"}, {"question": "I [20 M] am finally ready to have sex with my girlfriend [20 F] need some advice.", "description": "Hi Reddit came here to ask for your wise advice. Since I have very few people who I can talk about this without being judged. Here I go...\n\n\n\nSo I've been with my girlfriend for four years now and I really truly love her, but the thing is we've never had sex... I know what you might be thinking \"4 YEARS & NO MOTHAFUCKIN SEX?\" but it is really hard for me to get physical for personal reasons.\n\n\n\nWe are both virgins (as far as I know) and I truly love her and I have finally feel ready for the good stuff, but the truth is that I'm really scared and this is why.\n\n\n\nFirst of all I have no idea how, when nor when. How can I start dropping the hints without being so awkward?(important to say we've never seen each other completely naked) I really want her to be as comfortable as she wants without being pressured. Where should we do it? and when? We never seem to be in a convenient place, and I want it to be as romantic as possible, maybe some candles and shit you know?\n\n\n\nSecond, I am really scared of pregnancy, I know that chances are really low, but what if she actually gets pregnant? I don't know if she would abort (and I don't know if I would either) and I don't want to fuck her life up with a child (she is still in college studying to be a doctor), she deserves the best life. So should I just finish off outside or what?\n\n\n\nThird and most important. She scares the hell out of me, her expectations and her feelings. I don't know if it's true, but I've heard throughout all my life that sex hurt women on their first time and that it is pretty uncomfortable . I don't want her to get hurt and I want her to have a hell out of a time. So... ladies is that true? Did it really hurt the first time? Is there anything I can do so it doesn't hurt? What can I do so she has a good time? what do you ladies enjoy? I am really scared of what she thinks afterwards I just want her to feel respected and loved. How can I do that?\n\n\n\nReddit I've reached the point in where I don't care how fun is it for me, but I want it to be perfect for her. Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out.", "answer": "that's a good approach. make sure it's comfortable. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o1mmx", "comment_id": "5o1mmx"}, {"question": "Feeling \u201coff\u201d b-12 levels a thing?", "description": "30, F , Vegetarian, on cipralax\n\nShould I go to the doctor or just get serious about taking b12 supplements and things will get better?\n\nSome symptoms that are resonating to me so maybe not healthy:\n\nLow energy, always cold , hands and feet sometimes tingle, weak muscles.  Also something that stood out was unstable gait?  I didn\u2019t know this was a thing.  The last few months I\u2019ll get up and feel like I\u2019m leaning to the side of my foot (not on purpose) about to fall over but don\u2019t but it feels like I definitely was going to.   \n\nIs this serious enough to go to the doctor or should I just try harder on my own to eat healthier/take supplements? \n\nIf I go should I say that I\u2019m concerned about b12 deficiency?  \nOr just list my symptoms?\n\nOr\nIs this a naturopath issue because it has to do with vitamin levels?\n\nI have major anxiety about talking to my doctor or bringing up stuff incase its nothing  \n\nCould be relevant info:\nI was let go from my job a few months ago.  I can\u2019t keep focussed on anything long and after doing a few tasks I\u2019m done for the day.  I thought I\u2019d have all this new found free time to go out and live life but I just feel so tired all the time (I get 9-11 hrs of sleep).  \n\nI\u2019ve gone to the dr before about energy levels (maybe 7 years ago). Tested my iron (low)and was told to take supplements but after a bit of constipation with I stopped and I try to eat better.\n\nAlso I have had depression issues since I was 14 so I have always felt tired and weak but it\u2019s been getting worse as I age.", "answer": "You should at the very least see the doctor about your symptoms. It could be B12 deficiency, although that\u2019s usually in someone who has been vegan for years, not just vegetarian. It could be worsening anemia. It could be thyroid.\n\nYou should not see a naturopath, as they are not medical practitioners. Put bluntly, they are licensed to practice quackery and are unable to reliably diagnose or treat anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ddwj33", "comment_id": "ddwj33"}, {"question": "Angry that businesses claim to support Mental Health Awareness day...", "description": "But the moment someone starts struggling to do their job because of a very clearly mental illness they are shown the door.", "answer": "Oh yeah, they're \"aware\" of it. They just don't \"care.\"", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "agljfp", "comment_id": "agljfp"}, {"question": "I don't know if I'm pregnant and need advice, please.", "description": " 20 years old\n\nFemale\n\n5'5\"\n\n125lbs\n\nWhite\n\nOkay, so before I start I just want to say that I have Googled and used common sense to help, but I think my anxiety is just really fucking with me right now and I want some other people's opinion.\n\nSo, here are the details\n\n1. I am on daily birth control and have been for almost a year, haven't missed or skipped a dose for any reason\n2. I should have started my period in the middle of last week till about today (April 10) however have not bled nor had the usual symptoms (achy back, cramps)\n3. I am sexually active with my 20 yo boyfriend\n4. We almost always use condoms however recently have done it without one (didn't have one and heat of the moment meant it didn't matter too much, stupid, I know, never happening again)\n5. When we did it, he didn't cum and he pulled out, but I saw some precum\n6. I have noticed a constant stomach feeling. Sometimes nausea mostly just like I notice it when I usually don't\n7. I have taken PlanB 2 and a half days after the sex (when I started panicking)\n8. Took 2 pregnancy tests: one invalid, second negative\n9. Had an extremely stressful week last week (had a panic attack on Monday and didn't mentally get over it until Sunday)\n\nFrom what I have looked up, many things can be explained due to recent events, however I am still having the constant worry and fear that I might be and really just need some advice from real people not articles.", "answer": "Studies show that if you keep checking, you get more insecure. This is true when checking whether a door is locked and when checking whether you are pregnant.\n\n​\n\nAdvice: test was negative, don't retest. Give it 2 more weeks, if still no menstruation, do one retest, and/or talk to your GP.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbrox8", "comment_id": "bbrox8"}, {"question": "Women: Do you find yourself in dangerous situations more than your friends?", "description": "What I am going to say here is a very delicate issue and will mostly apply to women but I think it may also happen with men.\n\nI don't have so much trouble socializing as most aspies so I like to go to parties to dance.. but even though I've learned how to behave socially I often find myself in dangerous situations because I can't tell if someone has bad intentions with me or not.\n\nIf I am at a party, for example, I talk and dance with to whoever comes to talk to me because I think they are just being friendly and I don't want to be seen as rude because it makes me loose friends. But then all of a sudden I see myself in an abusive situation and don't know how to get out or even if I really should get out or am overreacting or interpreting things wrong! I just never see it coming, can't tell who is being friendly and who wants to harm me, while my friends usually can take better care of themselves.\n\nHas anyone ever had this kind of problem and overcame it or have any advices? This causes me so much trouble", "answer": "One of the best strategies is to stay with a friend or group of friends that you trust and who ideally has a greater capacity to judge people's intentions. You can also explicitly ask your friends to look out for you. Being in a group or pair dissuades people who would see you as an easier target if you were alone and it also means you can rely on your friend(s) to assess the intentions of the people who approach. Of course it can be a challenge to build friendships like this. Even if your friends are not with you, you can also get in the habit of describing a person's behavior and getting your friends' opinions early on.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "guab0w", "comment_id": "guab0w"}, {"question": "Would a therapist judge me? How would therapy help this?", "description": "I am highly manipulative, sadistic, all I do is play mind games and I\u2019m extremely calculated. I use everyone and throw them away when I\u2019m done. If I\u2019m not in control of a situation/conversation, I\u2019m extremely uncomfortable and get angry. \n\nWhen I determine who I actually would WANT to have around, I calculate their worth or whether I can benefit from them or not. \n\nI don\u2019t always play games to hurt people, but to manipulate them into liking me. With every conversation is an ulterior motive, family as well. \n\nI think I\u2019m better than everyone. Maybe not as smart as somebody, or as attractive, but collectively, with personality and looks, depth, interests, I am. Doesn\u2019t everyone? When I ask.. everyone says they don\u2019t think they are. Are they lying?\n\nI don\u2019t like anyone that much, I look down to all of my peers and mostly everyone else. If I\u2019m interested in someone, I talk to them until I figure them out.. and then I\u2019m bored. \nI have no true friends because I see no one as equal. I feel no empathy. \nOf course feeling grandiose has its benefits, confidence, but it\u2019s lonely and obviously not normal. \n\n\nMy current partner wants me to talk to someone because they think I have antisocial personality disorder.\nEven thinking about seeing a therapist and opening up  scares me, someone seeing who I am, I could never!But I want to feel understood and not looked at as a terrible person.\n\n\nWhat is this? \nDo I just lie? Can I tell the truth to a potential future therapist? Wouldn\u2019t you think I\u2019m a POS?", "answer": "If you are worried about being judged or disliked,  i recommend seeing a therapist who has experience working with \"difficult \" patients.  I do forensic work , so I am pretty used to being lied to and manipulated. I have also worked with violent offenders , so I am not easily scared off.\n\nThere are plenty of therapists who will happy to work with you , just as you are.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hufpib", "comment_id": "hufpib"}, {"question": "Don't know where to find help", "description": "I went through an experience a while ago which really affected me and my whole life. Things aren't the same for me anymore. Thing is everyone else has moved on from it because it didn't happen to them, and I feel like a broken record because for me its still happening. I don't know who to talk or go to anymore. I don't want to trivialise war veterans, rape victims etc who suffer from ptsd by thinking there's a possibility I have it... but Im also really scared that it is what I have. I also live in a country where mental illnesses are not really recognised, so i really didnt know where else to go to apart from this subreddit. Basically I don't know what else do to do or where to go from but I feel like I cant carry on this way :(. Sorry for the long post.", "answer": "When you say you live in a country where mental illness \"isn't really recognized,\" what does that mean?  Are there mental health professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) in your country?  \n  \nFeel free to private message me.  I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I can offer you some advice if you would like.  ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "29r6yq", "comment_id": "29r6yq"}, {"question": "One night stand contemplation", "description": "So I've[21/m] been seeing this [18/f]girl for about half a year now that I've completely fallen for. Every thing about her is perfect to me but the only thing is that she has taken a purity ceremony a couple months back and has made it apparent that she will not have sex with me for at least a couple more years. I've been insanely horny lately and have no way to take it out(other than the obvious) . I know this is a bold question,  but do you think to have a meaningless one night stand with someone else who has agreed to never talk to me after and block their number seem like an okay thing or not?", "answer": "One night won't do it. If you need to be in a sexual relationship, the life-timing with this girl is not what you need.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy2pv", "comment_id": "6wy2pv"}, {"question": "How do I get my brain to shut up and leave me alone for a while -- UPDATE.", "description": "I figured a way to get the Craving Voice to leave me alone!  \n\nI quit smoking.  \n\nThat annoying little \"take a drink\" whisper can't be heard over the full-blown, howling maelstrom of nicotine withdrawal. I know, it's sort of like hiding the pain of a stubbed toe by setting fire to your foot. But it seems to be working.  \n\nSo this makes it 24 Days without a drink, and 15 hours without a smoke. Woo-Hoo!  \n\nAnd, to all my fellow Sobernauts, may 2013 bring you great joy, much accomplishment, and every happiness, all in the crystal clarity of sobriety.", "answer": "Hang the fuck in there, and congrats.\n\n", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "15qeff", "comment_id": "15qeff"}, {"question": "Question about chaperone for gynecology exams", "description": "I have a female gynecologist and I had my first appointment with her a month ago. My friends and I were discussing how good she was. The subject came up about chaperones and none of my friends had a chaperone during the exam.\n\nI had one the entire time, even when she was just talking to me. Is it because I indicated I'm bisexual on my paperwork? I'm not offended, just curious because my experience was much different than their's.", "answer": "Not sure - personally I do not consider an individuals sexuality to determine whether a chaperone is indicated or not, basically I have traditionally offered it to anyone who needs an intimate examination (not that I do any these days as a senior psychiatrist), no matter what.\n\nHopefully a gynaecologist or GP will pass through and give more pertinent advice.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5w3lgb", "comment_id": "5w3lgb"}, {"question": "Name the \"Dos and Don'ts\" of ADHD!!!", "description": "Tell me, what should I do? What shouldn't I do? What should I avoid, what should I add to my life? Anything from food, to books, to music, to hobbies...", "answer": "DO\n\n* Pay attention to how long it *actually* takes to do things. I find that when I'm estimating the time it'll take to get someplace, I need to add 20% to get the actual time. \n\n* Find a system that works, and trust the system. If it's sticky notes, todo apps, or a personal secretary, stick to it. \n\n* Get more sleep, exercise, and eat better. It really helps. \n\nDON'T\n\n* Let anxiety get out of control. Procrastination is basically an anxiety avoidance behavior, and ADHD makes it much worse. \n\n* Expect everyone to accept your excuses. I've burned too many bridges by abusing the good graces of others, rather than learning to cope with my own issues. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "2w70pu", "comment_id": "2w70pu"}, {"question": "I am unsure as to how to carry on", "description": "To begin, I am a 14 year old male, born and raised in London, UK. I currently attend a boarding school here and I am just unsure as to what I really want to gain in life. I am easily struck down by my emotions and this is this first time have actually openly spoke about who I really am and as to what I hide behind this mask of an intellectual, tall, seemingly charming and sophisticated young man. As a warning, this will be a very long post an I appreciate anyone who makes it to the end.\n\nFor some background, my parents split when I was two, my Dad leads a successfully, strong and diserable life whilst my Mom is seemingly emotionally unstable and is not appearing to cope with life to her full extent. I have been in the private educational system for a while now and after joining my new school in the summer of 2013, I lead a fairly happy life. But with my new school came an onset of deep fear and depression. There are a fair few issues I wish to explain fully to better gather information.\n\nTo start, School. A depressing issue in my life, boarding school, a place where Britain's wealthiest 1% cast of their seemingly undersireable, snotty children who were raised with the concept of ignorance and self-centrednes. There is no one I particularly take a liking too. I am a very contempt, quiet but seemingly normal boy - I am not considered weird but in a sea of loud, obnoxious, arrogant kids. Walking the halls of this dark, gothic building, takes away my sense of freedom. I truly find my boarding house one of the most dull, uncharistmatic places I have ever visited and departing it is one of my greatest joys.\n\nNow mentally, I am unsure - I am lost in a place I know not how to control, my mind. I don't know if my onset of depression was triggered by this or if my brain still is not fully developed. I know I am not fully correct up there - I have been searching for an answer to my awkward mental state for quite some time: a mix of Aspergers - explaining my quietness and apparent social awkwardness and lack of self confidence and belief. OCD; I am very particular, my hands have to be thoroughly washed as well as other things - my keyboard has to be exactly five centimetres away from the desk's edge but there is loads of other shit I wish not to bore you with. Mentally, my OCD also seems to fit my mental state - I drastically overthink stuff eg if people comment on my size or behaviour, it really affects me and is worsened in my head. I enjoy to have as little on my plate as possible and brevity, simpleness and efficiency are traits I adore. I have terrible mood swings (although not expressed through actions but through thought). One second; ha! My worries are insignificant, the next; you have to return to school in one week from your break, start feeling the onset of it as it now captures your very mind and drives you into a great depression. Depression and Anxiety are very much a possibility caused my some bad semi-bullying experiences early on at my school. I now shake and feel cold through my body when I feel a similar situation forming. I am lost in my ambiguous mind not knowing what I really want or desire in my very unstable state.\n\nThat pretty much sums this up - I have never approached people about this before and I like to do so on the internet, it adds that unrivalled sense of anonymity. I am just asking for some advice - I have often thought about approaching my father, visiting a shrink, being put on medication, leading to a clearer mind. Please, I am just asking for a considerate Redditor. Feel free to ask any other questions. Much appreciated,\n\n-Max", "answer": "Forget trying to diagnose yourself via internet. You lack the training, and even if you do it correctly you've not done anything toward a solution. Doing something about it will require the assistance of others anyway. Consider that your difficult emotions could be congruous with your environment, and not necessarily evidence of a pathology of some kind. 14 is a VERY hard age, and my understanding of English boarding schools is that it is a VERY difficult environment to feel OK in. Try to get support from a responsible adult -- getting it from a peer may not be effective, since they are also quite young and probably in the same boat. And remember just because everybody else does a good job at hiding their feelings, it does not mean that they are not also suffering. Good luck.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23sw2v", "comment_id": "23sw2v"}, {"question": "[32/m] My girlfriend [24/f] told me today that she no longer wanted to be exclusive until marriage because of an internet article but wants to continue our relationship, what do I do?", "description": "This [article](http://motto.time.com/4795013/date-multiple-people-at-once/) came out the other day and my girlfriend of about 3 months came out and told me that she now no longer wants to be exclusive, but wants to be free to date other men because in her words \"I feel like I've put too much into people in the past and let people in only to regret it later because they weren't right for me.\"\n\nShe wants to continue things as normal and oddly has shown more affection since she told me this.  She still wants to have sex, still wants to spend the night at my house and see each other every day, still wants to be affectionate in public, still wants to be emotionally involved with me and call me babe.  She seems to only want to be serious with one person at a time, but \"if a guy comes around and wants to ask her on a date, she wants to deny him because she doesn't think it would work, not because she has a boyfriend.\"  I told her it was fine if she was to do that, but it would mean the end for us, while she would basically want to \"revert back to just dating while she sampled this other guy.\"  She also wants me to do the same thing.\n\nI feel like I could go into more detail about what she means, but it is still just messing with my head and I'm not sure how much it matters for this post.  This morning she texted me and said that she is going to be joining crossfit, and all I can think is that she is going to meet some dude there.  I use to trust her implicitly, now my trust is somewhat gone and I have no security in the relationship.\n\nI can't tell if this is a simple mindset thing and something I need to accept if I want to continue forward with her (I'm head over heels for her, we have meshed so well) or if this is something that is essentially going to be a deal breaker.  Has anyone been through this?  What would you do if your SO said this to you?", "answer": "that's pretty lame I'm afraid. she's not committed to you. she's not ready for a monogamous ltr.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6eg7yx", "comment_id": "6eg7yx"}, {"question": "How do you stay motivated?", "description": "I exercise in spurts and I know from experience that it really helps with my anxiety and depression.  But sometimes when I'm in a manic/anxious/depressed state I have a hard time getting to the gym and tend to binge eat.  I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how they force themselves to the gym other than sheer will-power. \n\nAny coping mechanisms would be greatly appreciated.  ", "answer": "[Motivation is a fickle mistress](http://lexfridman.com/blogs/training/2014/09/03/build-habit-motivation-fickle-mistress-habit/)\n\nThe trick is, I DON'T stay motivated. I stay **disciplined**. I don't do what I *feel* like doing, I do what I know I need to do. And that means going for consistency.\n\nAlso, I visit this sub, along with /r/fitness, /r/gainit, and /r/theweightroom every day. I took off unimportant subs so I see more exercise-related stuff. every single day.", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3n88ox", "comment_id": "3n88ox"}, {"question": "Pros and cons of drinking this weekend:", "description": "Pros:\n1. The first and second drinks relax me and put me in a positive state of mind. \n2. I like to enjoy the warm weather by sitting on a patio drinking wine or beer. \n3. I won\u2019t have to deal with cravings. \n\nCons:\n1. I never stop at two drinks. \n2. Waking up with no hangover relaxes me and puts me in a positive state of mind. \n3. Instead of actually enjoying the warm weather, I\u2019m numbing myself to it. Better to enjoy the warm weather by taking a walk or going for a bike ride. \n4. If I don\u2019t drink, I can allow myself other treats. Maybe I\u2019ll have a slice of pie. \n4. I take pride in being a fairly smart person. Drinking makes me stupid. \n5. I don\u2019t like myself the following morning. \n6. My kids deserve a mom who is fully present. \n7. I might say something embarrassing. Or worse, I might say something mean. \n8. I have a new book that I can\u2019t wait to read. If I drink, I probably won\u2019t get around to it. \n9. I have to stop doing this to my body. I can\u2019t keep putting off my health. \n10. I can watch tv and actually follow the plot. \n11. I will feel good about myself if I can get through a weekend sober. \n12. My dog gets extra walks when I don\u2019t drink. \n13. If I drink, I might have a stupid argument with my husband. \n14. I want to be physically fit. Drinking interferes with that. \n15. When I drink, I\u2019m not as funny as I think I am. \n16. Sobriety is supposed to get easier. The only way to find out whether or not that\u2019s true is to do it. \n17. It sucks waking up at 3 am, unable to go back to sleep due to shame. \n18. I don\u2019t want to risk flaking on my plans with my daughter. \n19. My house stays clean when I don\u2019t drink. \n20. What is there\u2019s an emergency?\n21. Alcohol brings out the worst in me. \n22. I am a good person who deserves to be treated better than the way I\u2019ve been treating myself. \n\nHmm. I think the choice is obvious. \n\nI have taken preparation measures. I have:\n1. Full tank of gas in my car. (No gas station beer for me!)\n2. Book\n3. Perrier\n4. Diet cokes\n5. Fully charged Fitbit\n6. Purchases LEGO movie 2 on iTunes. \n7. Aired up bike tires\n8. Gift card from Half Priced Books\n9. Starbucks gift card. \n10. Reddit app on my phone \n11. Poop bags for walking the pooch\n12. Jigsaw puzzle to give me something to do if it rains \n13. Two books by Annie Grace \n14. An unreasonably large stash of chocolate \n\nYeah, I\u2019m a bit of a list maker. Anyway, day 5 over here. It\u2019ll be interesting to see what this weird \u201csober weekend\u201d thing is like.", "answer": "I can relate to quite a bit on that list. Well done!! Like the way you\u2019re going about it. Keep it up!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bps81p", "comment_id": "bps81p"}, {"question": "What does it take to become a therapist?", "description": "Hi! \n\nMy title pretty much says it all. I apologize if I am asking in the wrong community. I am two years out of college, and I am just trying to figure my passion in life. Becoming a therapist is something I genuinely interested in and would love to get into. I would love feedback / tips to what it takes to become a licensed therapist?\n\nThanks for your help in advance!", "answer": "In the US, commonly licensable Master's degrees include Counseling (directory of CACREP accredited programs here: https://www.cacrep.org/directory/ ), MFT (directory of COAMFTE-accredited programs here: https://coamfte.org/COAMFTE/Directory_of_Accredited_Programs/MFT_Training_Programs.aspx ) or Social Work (list of CSWE accredited programs here, be sure to filter appropriately: https://www.cswe.org/Accreditation/Directory-of-Accredited-Programs.aspx ) Typically programs are about 2 years. \n\nAfter you graduate, you will do some amount of pre-licensure hours (varies by state and specific licensure path) and meet any other state licensure requirements for the state where you are residing/want to practice in (e.g. a written exam).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "himhpu", "comment_id": "himhpu"}, {"question": "After a traumatic breakup, psychologist has recommended EMDR therapy - not sure", "description": "I have recently broken up with a partner of 2 and a half years.\n\nI found out in a very unpleasant way that she had been seeing someone else for over eight months throughout the course of our relationship. Being only 18, I was incredibly shaken by this, considering I had given everything to this girl, moved cities etc.\n\nI have not been able to stop thinking about the details of their sex life, I can't stop the sadness or the pain inside. I still love her, which makes it worse.\n\nI absolutely lost control of my emotions today when I began speaking about it to my psychologist. He described what I was feeling as trauma, in addition to the usual suspects of heartbreak, the grief and sadness and jealousy. He said that while talk therapy could help me with the latter, he believed EMDR therapy would be a good path for coming to terms with the trauma.\n\nAs much as I want this sinking feeling to go away so that I can be happy once more, I am just not sure about this therapy. I understand that it was designed for people suffering for PTSD, but I have heard horror stories about it backfiring and triggering very serious reactions from patients. I also don't know how applicable it is to my personal situation. Furthermore, I don't know what to expect as an outcome - will I think about these things with my ex and her new partner and just not feel anything? What will happen to me?\n\nI have a few days to decide whether or not I would like to proceed with EMDR sessions. Any help would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "EMDR is designed to help someone comes to terms with their trauma.  As with any therapy there is a risk that it might not work.  As far as backfiring it doesn't seem like you have extreme PTSD which is were re-traumatization can sometimes occur.  I would say that you should give it a try.  If it works you may still feel sorrow when thinking about your ex but you will be able to handle the emotions better which will help you get your life back on track.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qrvuk", "comment_id": "4qrvuk"}, {"question": "I\u2019m struggling", "description": "I went to a winery with friends this weekend, and one heavy pour turned into 4, and for the first time I was publicly drunk.  I\u2019d been reaching for the bottle more than I should have in the last few months, but this time was the first I had been such a mess in front of people other than my husband.  The shame and embarrassment is weighing on me a ton, this is my rock bottom  moment.  I\u2019ve known I should quit for a long time, but this incident was like a slap to my face.  I have no one to turn to right now, my husbands on a fishing trip for the week, and I don\u2019t want to burden him or my friends with my struggles.  I\u2019m going to my first meeting in half an hour, but just needed to get this out before that.  I just want the pain to go away forever, and hope this is the best step,", "answer": "I hope your meeting went well and you got some good support.  In my experience, thinking about all the regrets I have from when I was drunk/high/whatever can be a big motivating factor in getting sober.  The thing you have to avoid is the shame spiral.  Try to view yourself with compassion.\n\nIWNDWYT", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d297ko", "comment_id": "d297ko"}, {"question": "What if therapy is a waste of time", "description": "I've been seeing a therapist once a week for a few months. There are days when I feel really bad and need someone to talk to, and there are days when I'm feeling good and don't have anything to talk about. It seems like I'm wasting time (and money) by going to these sessions when I'm feeling good. What do you think I should do in these situations?\n\n​\n\nIt seems that therapists prefer that clients come in once a week, so my therapist would probably get annoyed if I canceled a lot. Also, it seems that if I don't visit the therapist for 2-3 weeks, then I start risking the therapist giving my weekly timeslot to someone else (and it took a while to get a spot with this therapist).\n\n​\n\nAlso, my therapist has a cancellation policy where I'm charged a fee if I cancel with less than 24 hours notice. There have been times when I've been feeling bad 24 hours before the session but I feel better on my own before the session (resulting in me having nothing to talk about). What should I do in these cases?", "answer": "If I were in your shoes, I would:\n\n1. Talk to my therapist about reviewing my therapy goals. What are my specific goals? How are we going after those goals?\n2. Ask my therapist how to best make progress on those goals on days when I struggle to come up with topics. \n3. If that did not resolve the problem, I would seek out a new therapist and explicitly note \"this is why my last therapist did not work out\" at the start of our time together. \n\nThis post suggests to me that your therapist is not providing much of a treatment plan. There may be a number of reasons for this but honestly it's sort of your therapist's job to make sure y'all are moving. Therapists vary widely in both skill and approach; one therapist not being a good fit for a particular individual does not necessarily indicate that therapy has no possibility of working for that person.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fky3f5", "comment_id": "fky3f5"}, {"question": "Help. Life after infedelity. Reconciliation.", "description": "(In your response, can you please state what your degree is and your training? I ask, so my husband can know if he can respect your answer or not. He has a masters in social work and he is a supervisor of the affair partner so comunication between them is needed. He also can't leave this job because our family needs his income and he can grow a lot at this place.)\n\nI need help with talking and explaining things to my husband. Controlling vs. Respect vs. Pussy whipped. Can you please explain the diffrience between the three?\nExample; (the affair partner is a coworker of his) in order for us to reconcile (there is more than just this thing, but this is the big one causing problems) I would like to know if he ever has to talk to her in his office with the door closed. They used to share an office, but now I would like his different office to be free of Her. I would like him to make it a conversation through email or in a separate meeting room. If none of those things are possible, I just ask to be told and an explanation why. He sees that as controlling and that if he ends up doing what I tell him I feel I deserve it's also being pussy whipped. I see it as respect.\nIt is too much of a nuisance to him (to change his work flow) and what I would like of him would slow his workday down and he doesn't want to think about what would hurt me and have that in the back of his mind during his day at work. He wants it to flow smoothly, so he is choosing divorce... the only way he would want to reconcile is treating Her like any other coworker and not having to explain himself or his actions while at work. What are your thoughts? Am I being controlling? Am I just requesting respect? How do I explain the diffrience to my husband?", "answer": "MS/PhD. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Approved Supervisor. (Husband wanting this already gives me an impression of what is going on).\n\n>Controlling vs. Respect vs. Pussy whipped\n\nTo be honest, after infidelity the difference doesn't matter. The partner that has been cheated on has the right to be as controlling as they want. Their trust has been betrayed. However, if this is still the case after 6 months/12 months, the story is different.\n\n\n>I would like to know if he ever has to talk to her in his office with the door closed.\n\nThis depends on a number of things. If he is the supervisor of the affair partner, he likely does need to communicate (supervise) the affair partner in privacy (and regularly). This introduces a big problem. Namely, it is *explicitly* against the [social worker code of ethics](https://www.socialworkers.org/About/Ethics/Code-of-Ethics/Code-of-Ethics-English) for social workers to engage in any form of sexual activity/contact with someone they professionally supervise. He done fucked up big time on this one. In my experience, this is generally not only a offense that merits firing but also potentially losing a license.\n\n\n> He sees that as controlling and that if he ends up doing what I tell him I feel I deserve it's also being pussy whipped. I see it as respect.\n\n-Essentially he's saying he should be able to do whatever (and whomever) the fuck he wants. If the request/demand were not specifically after infidelity and about the affair partner then yes, this is likely controlling and him giving in might be being \"pussy-whipped\". \n\n\n>the only way he would want to reconcile is treating Her like any other coworker and not having to explain himself or his actions while at work.\n\n-Of course he wants this. No person *wants* to deal with the consequences of their actions. He wants to treat her like any other coworker? Has he fucked all they other coworkers too? Truth be told, she ain't like all the other coworkers. She is an affair partner.\n\n\n\nIf y'all were in my office, I'd tell you y'all have three choices: (1) move towards reconciliation; (2) keep things like they are; and (3) move towards separation. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too. Ultimately, you both need to decide what you want. If you want to be married to him more than anything, that means you're willing to deal with whatever he chooses. If he wants to be able to work like nothing happened and pretend it didn't happen, he is choosing work over you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dsludf", "comment_id": "dsludf"}, {"question": "Weed makes me straight", "description": "I had sexual experiences when I was a young kid with other boys my age, as well a suffer from sexual abuse multiple times. Nothing prolonged as far as I can remember. What it did was make me attracted to other guys. as a kid I would look at wwe wrestlers and admire them. As I grew up I thought I was gay. It didn't seem like anything wrong. But then my family found out at 14 and it drove me into a deep depression. I'm 19 now. When ever I smoke weed and I'm watching TV or out and about and I see a really cute women I'm really attracted. Other guys do nothing for me and I'm disgusted. But once I'm sober I feel emotionally numb and I feel attracted to guys. Not all of them just the once I find attractive. But when im on pot even the attractive guys do nothing for me and an average looking girl will look like a goddess. I need help please. Anyone have any help they can provide?", "answer": "Sexuality is not a switch. People are not either gay or straight. Sexuality is a spectrum; a sliding scale of attraction towards the two sexes.\n\nFor this reason specifically, I don't believe you need help for your attraction towards men and women. ANY attraction towards ANY sex is normal, and not something you need to \"work on\" or \"fix\". Whether you are bisexual, gay, or straight, you are perfectly fine.\n\nAbove all, I think you would benefit from talking to someone about your abusive history. No matter how you've handled it, it seems clear that your past can affect your current mental health.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3xwuc2", "comment_id": "3xwuc2"}, {"question": "How do I quit my job?", "description": "I'm 16, and I work part-time at a fast food place. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and I'm finding that this job and balancing school is just making it worse for me. I don't know how to tell my boss I am going to quit because I'm socially awkward.", "answer": "Write a letter, \"this is my two weeks notice.   My last day will be x\".   They need no more justification than that.   \n\nIf they push for an explanation, just tell them that you are having a tough time balancing school and work.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "586nb5", "comment_id": "586nb5"}, {"question": "After 5 years of trying she has finally failed and cannot go on. And im happy about it.", "description": "My sister graduated high school one year early. She moved out of the house and went to live with my grandma in the ghetto to go to community college. For 5 years since the day she left she has been working hard (2 or more jobs constantly) to make money to pay for herself to go to school.\n\nShe failed the first year.\nShe quit the second year.\nShe failed again the third year.\nShe got into a car accident and failed the fourth year.\nAnd now this fifth year she cant even attend school because she does not have enough money.\n\nAnd for all that, im finally happy she cant get back up. Because now, its time for something new. School is not for everyone and its taken her 5 years to figure that out. I dont want to tell her she wasted her time, but she already knows its on my mind.\n\nNow im currently getting stuff prepared to help her move. She needs to start a new life in a new city, away from all the bad memories and failures here.\n\nWish her luck please.", "answer": "This \"everyone should go to college\" mindset is poisonous.  A friend of mine is dealing with it now.  It sucks.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "2fs4xr", "comment_id": "2fs4xr"}, {"question": "Having Trouble Fitting In", "description": "Hello everyone!\n\nI\u2019m been Redditor since November now, and were recently just diagnosed with Asperger\u2019s in the beginning of January, I\u2019ve have had, and still have a lot of mixed feelings towards it and it, and what is about to happen tomorrow which isn\u2019t comforting me either.\n\nYou see I\u2019ve been attending a (what in American terms would be called ) a normal  high school since the start of the school year, and have had some trouble dealing with the environment there, mainly that I were a class filled with 31 people, and that the sound levels were too high for my liking. But from tomorrow, I\u2019m officially going to attend a different class on a different school for people with Asperger\u2019s.\n\nNow my problem lies in the fact that my Asperger\u2019s is very light. It\u2019s haven\u2019t really been noticeable by anyone in my daily life for the most part, though I\u2019m still very timid and very much an introvert, always liked different things than people on the schools I\u2019ve attended and so forth. \n\nSo I\u2019ve always felt different, and at times alone at, not really having any to connect with.\n\nSo most of you probably think by now that it\u2019s great news that I get a chance to attend the class for people with Asperger\u2019s.\n\nNow here is my problem.\n\nWhen I went to visit the class two weeks ago to get acquainted with the people there, I had a lot of mixed feelings about it, but the one thing that stood out most to me was, that I felt \u201cNormal\u201d compared to the people there, as most of them was dealing with much more severe cases of Asperger\u2019s than me.\n\nNow here comes my question to everyone out there.\n\nHow should I go forth with this?.... I can\u2019t fully explain how this situation is for me as it all seems very weird I simply thought that the class would be a perfect place for me, with people I could relate with, and were I can get help to dealing with my Asperger\u2019s.\nBut now I out of place again, like I don\u2019t belong in a class like that, as my Asperger\u2019s is very light.\nI\u2019ve been going to a Therapist a couple of times now, due to diagnoses and even he have been called my case of Asperger\u2019s for \u201cAsperger\u2019s light\u201d\n\nSo my real problem really lies in the fact, that I feel normal in the Asperger\u2019s class, and that I feel like a person with Asperger\u2019s in my normal class. And I can\u2019t see myself fit in anywhere at the moment.\n\nI would like some general advice on what to do about this as I\u2019m not sure on how to handle this situation.\n\nAlso I\u2019m glad that I finally gave it a thought and looked for this subreddit.\n\nAnd I\u2019ll look forward to be talking here with all of from now on!\n\nAnd last thing, sorry if there are any errors in this wall of text I\u2019m not a native English speaker so bear with me.\n\n", "answer": "I can definitely understand feeling like you have \"Aspie light.\" After my diagnosis, I was signed up for a \"Friendship club\" at the office of the psychologist who diagnosed me, and I didn't like it at all. It seemed like everyone else was much more seriously impacted by their Asperger's, and it was hard for me to bond with them.\n\nHowever, I had a great deal of success in joining a tabletop wargaming group instead. Because the people who played tabletop wargames tended to be more introverted and awkward than an average NT, I was able to fit in with them very well. They fit my condition of \"Not quite awkward enough to be with the Aspies, not quite normal enough to be with everyone else.\" So you might want to look for something similar in your area. Basically, any group based around a stereotypically \"nerdy\" activity, like anime, or video games, or science fiction, is likely to have people that you might get along well with.\n\nOh, and if you want to work on your social skills, you don't need to depend on your class to give you the opportunity to do that. I did a lot of self-teaching of social skills, and you can too :) There's lots of books and resources out there, and even just spending some time watching TV and learning from the interactions there can be helpful. If you want some guidance on what to study, I wrote an [online social skills guide](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com) that perhaps you will find helpful :) Good luck!", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "q79ua", "comment_id": "q79ua"}, {"question": "Girl might take her life if I break up with her", "description": "just for some background information. I'm 15 years old, and I'm pretty shy.\n\nSo I go to a technical school with 30 kids in my grade. I have been dating this girl for about 5 months now, but it's really nothing serious. I haven't told my parents yet, and I don't think I ever will because I want to break up with her. I'm honestly just not happy in the relationship, and I'm too much of a wuss to tell my parents. I really do not enjoy being with this girl, and I want to break up.\n\nThis girl has had a troubled past, and has tried taking her life on multiple occasions before I met her. She told me that I am the only reason that she is alive, and that kind of makes me scared. I have a feeling that if I break up with her, she is going to take her life. Yesterday I had an argument with her, and we didn't talk for a while, and she told her friend that she shouldn't be in this world.\n\nThis girl also will not take advice from counseling, and is very stubborn, even with life problems\n\nI know this is not the right place, or maybe it is. But I do not want to be the reason that someone dies. I'm 15 years old and I can't live with this", "answer": "Just take the comment to her friend \"I shouldn't be in this world,\" and go directly to a school counselor.  Say you're worried that she'll hurt herself and that she has a history of attempts.\n\nGet help mobilized now. Then you won't feel held hostage. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyjfs", "comment_id": "6dyjfs"}, {"question": "Should I get tested for Hep C?", "description": "I'm a 25 year old female, from the USA, 140 lbs (don't think that matters though) not sexually promiscuous.\n\n​\n\n When I was 18 I had a year long relationship with a guy who I later found out had Hep C. I have never ever done drugs of any kind, but apparently he did and when he had surgery for something unrelated they told him.\n\n I never got tested and now 7 years later, somebody brought up the subject and for some reason my anxiety went through the roof wondering if I should have. I have a son, who I breastfeed and now I can't stop worrying about it. \n\nI have never had any symptoms, but I hear many don't. I guess my question is, how commonly is passed sexually? It is keeping me up at night worrying. Do I have a reason to be this worried or is not commonly passed that way?\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "It's fairly rare for hep C to be sexually transmitted, but it's not impossible. You probably should get tested. If you're negative, which you probably will be, it will set your mind at ease. If you're not, you're armed with the knowledge to follow it and get treatment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9mla3d", "comment_id": "9mla3d"}, {"question": "Could it be MS without lesions?", "description": "Age: 25\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5\u20198\n\nWeight: 140 \n\nRace: Caucasian / Eastern European\n\nDuration of Complaint: 8/9 years \n\nLocation: Currently in the southeast US, but have lived in all parts of US over past four years.\n\nLocation of complaint: Muscles (back of calves is the absolute worst), Eyes, Neurological, Legs, hands, hair falling out,severe fatigue, severe tremor\n\nExisting medical issues: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pernicious Anemia, Epilepsy, Lupus, Sj\u00f6grens, PTSD, MDD\n   \u2014--Past Medical Problems: Acute liver failure, Hepatitis C, Meningitis, Sepsis (2), Endocarditis, Hyperthyroidism \n\nCurrent Medications: Celebrex, Keppra, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Prozac, Klonopin, Flexeril,  valacyclovir, \n\n\nOkay so I have not yet seen my rheumy, but blood work confirmed the Lupus and RA. I have been diagnosed with MS but then another MRI showed no lesions so they said that was not it.  Another MRI showed lesions, but the doctor said they were from migraines (which I only get one every two years or so) and I\u2019m not sure how she could tell the difference. \nAnyway, I think the RA and Lupus don\u2019t cover all of my symptoms. I have a severe, permanent tremor in my hands. I have blurry vision, no night vision, faded vision, and eye pain in one eye - the same eye and have had this since I was 16 and it\u2019s gotten worse. No eye doctor seems to know what\u2019s going on. \nI have a horrible heat intolerance but also a horrible cold intolerance, although heat makes me flare up so much worse. \nMost days I cannot get out of bed. The days I can, I can hardly stand or walk and must use assistance. The back of my calves give me the absolute worst pain out of anywhere on my body. To the point I start hitting them with heavy objects because that feels better than the actual pain. It\u2019s a tight pain and no matter how much I massage it or sit in hot water they never get better. \nI\u2019m just not convinced it\u2019s just RA and Lupus. \n\nCan you have MS with no lesions? can lesions come and go? Is there really a way to tell what lesions are from? (Like from a migraine or MS?)\nMS and all of these autoimmune disorders are in both sides of my family as far back as you can go. \nI\u2019m only 25, I shouldn\u2019t feel like this or hurt like this. The Neurological effects are horrible and embarrassing. \nI\u2019ve been trying for so long for a doctor to take me seriously. This one reluctantly do extra bloodwork and was surprised when the RA factor and everything was positive. \nMy muscles seem to be atrophying. I can\u2019t wear bras or bathing suits because of the pressure the put on my neck and/or shoulders. \n\nI really don\u2019t know what to do anymore. This is no life for anyone, especially a 25 year old. I\u2019m in so much pain I think about just ending it all. \n\nCan a doctor answer my questions or give me advice? Because I\u2019m just at a loss here.", "answer": "The first question I have is just one of sorting out historical imaging. MS, or at least the common relapsing-remitting form of MS, classically occurs with lesions that appear and disappear (along with attacks that resolve). Migraines usually don't have any specific MRI findings, although there are some exceptions.\n\nIs all the imaging available to the same doctor? Changes over time or lack thereof are very helpful for neurologists to clarify the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cmh22l", "comment_id": "cmh22l"}, {"question": "Family member is having a relapse and complete break down. I'm out of state. Who can I call?", "description": "I don't really know where else to ask or even what to google, so I'm hoping this sub can point me in the right direction. \n\nMy brother is in the middle of a crisis and I'm not sure what I can do to help. His story is complicated but I'll try to summarize: \n\nHe is 40, currently living in Florida with two children (11 and 9 years old) who lived with him until last week. He has struggled with addiction his whole life. As a result, he doesn't hold down jobs and finds himself in toxic relationships. He's been on and off a spectrum of drugs (painkillers, heroine, and meth) for the last 25 years. He's been in and out of methadone clinics for the last 12 years. \n\nHe has recently relapsed; he was evicted a few weeks ago and has been living out of his car. His daughters have been staying with the old neighbor. The neighbor reported several incidents of abuse and molestation of these girls (by my brother and his girlfriend) to the police, but nothing has really happened with it. Over the last day or two, my brother has been making serious threats directed at his old neighbors, his old roommates, his girlfriend, and his daughters.\n\nMy mother has been keeping me informed, but I spoke with my brother this morning for the first time in months. He is panicking, angry, lashing out at everyone, and he is extremely desperate. I believe he is dangerous. \n\nMy family doesn't know how to handle this. The police aren't really helping, and he is not cooperating with DCF (or anyone really). In the last two months, he's been hospitalized for severe stomach pain, swelling of the feet and ankles, and a terrible laceration on his wrist (we suspect it was self-inflicted). Are there any other emergency services that I can call?", "answer": "Hello! I am a mental health professional in Florida.\n\nIf he has made serious threats towards others, he qualifies for involuntary hospitalization under the Baker Act (called a 5150 nationwide). If the police have been called and they have not placed your brother under a Baker Act, then the family has an additional option. \n\nThey can go to their county clerk of court and request paperwork for what is called an Ex-Parte Order. Basically, it's a request for a judge to order a family member into involuntary mental health treatment based on the testimony of the family. Your family will fill out the paperwork, including why they believe it is best for your brother to be admitted to a crisis stabilization unit, and then submit it to a judge, who will then schedule a hearing. At that point, the family will then meet with the judge and get to plead their case, and the judge will say yes/no to the involuntary order. If the judge says yes, then authorities will go to where you brother is and escort him to a nearby receiving facility.\n\nNote that this is for mental health, not for substance abuse.\n\nIf your family would like to petition to have client evaluated for involuntary substance use treatment, they can also fill out paperwork to request a Marchman Act (through the same clerk of court). If the judge, again, deems it appropriate, then appropriate facilities can also assess if your brother would meet criteria for that as well.\n\nDo note, that this process can take a few days. If there are serious concerns and you have proof that he is of imminent harm to himself or others, then have your family call 9-1-1 again and ask for a CIT trained officer to respond.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "dko4hv", "comment_id": "dko4hv"}, {"question": "The constant anxiety of past actions is fucking unbearable.", "description": "I\u2019ve been so cringy and awkward to so many people it\u2019s hard to keep count. Everywhere I go now I feel like I\u2019m the weird one because of all the awkward stuff people have seen me do before. \n\nEvery. Single. Fucking. Day there\u2019s always something I\u2019ve done to cringe about. Most people have one moment in their life that makes them cringe, but I have them about once a week, and they paralyse me with just sheer embarrassment and sadness. \n\nI know I\u2019m not overreacting, because if I was someone else and witnessed the awkward shit I was doing, I\u2019d think I was a fucking weirdo too. Man I just hate myself so much. I\u2019m unbelievably far from the person I want to be it\u2019s almost unbearable. Everyday I see confident people, it\u2019s unbearable knowing that I\u2019m not one of them.\n\nThe realisation that you\u2019re not the person you want to be is the hardest thing that can happen to someone. \n\nI\u2019m completely stuck. I need help. \n\n", "answer": "I relate, so so so much. \n\nListen though. Beating yourself (ourselves) up for something we have already done is not helpful and will only lead to more self-conscious induced cringy moments in the future. The only thing you can do is make a mental note of what you don\u2019t feel good doing/saying and think about how you can avoid repeating your mistake. Most of the time, the answer is one of these things: be more in the moment, slow down, take breaths, and do more listening and asking questions than talking. \n\nSecond, think hard about your cringy moment and what other people were doing throughout the time you were in their presence. Throughout that time, can you name one single even somewhat cringy thing that another person did? Because I bet you a million dollars at least one of those people you interacted with *can.* At least one of them went home and kicked themselves because of something dumb they thought they said or did. But you didn\u2019t notice because you were focused on yourself and they were focused on themselves. Whatever you did, it wasn\u2019t as big as you think it is. I\u2019ll even go ahead and believe you - let\u2019s say you were cringy. It\u2019s very, very, very unlikely that anyone else is spending more than half a second thinking about your cringy moment. They\u2019ve moved past it.\n\nBreathe. Tomorrow is a chance to be even a marginally better version of yourself, and obsessing is not helpful. Distract yourself. Breathe. Treat yourself to something you enjoy like a snack or a movie. You need some self care right now and you deserve it. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "871o1v", "comment_id": "871o1v"}, {"question": "Do therapists want to hear back from their old patients? Is it valuable to you to know how things progressed after you stopped talking?", "description": "I bring this up as an aside to something I've been planning to do for a while, which is simply to write back to my old therapist (with whom our sessions ended half a decade ago), to let him know that my life has progressed tremendously, and that he has been primus motor in making that happen.\n\nHowever, I know a great therapist would never miss a chance to learn something new, or to strengthen their methods with new data. Are you, as a therapist, interested in your old patients contacting you years down the line, letting you know (after years of reflection) what exactly they think did the trick in helping them feel better again, so that you can use that data moving forward? Or is integrating this new data (or reflections) simply not of value to you in your work? \n\nI ask, primarily, because I do not want to cause offense to my old therapist.", "answer": "Personally I would love to hear from an old patient. And you haven\u2019t been a patient for many years which helps to preserve and support healthy boundaries. For me it would be more about feeling happy for you that you are so well rather than a learning experience, and I fully support your reaching out.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c3ug75", "comment_id": "c3ug75"}, {"question": "What are symptoms of Lyme disease \"acting up\"?", "description": "Hello. I am a 41 year old Hispanic male. I was diagnosed with, and treat for, Lyme disease via Amoxicillin. My question stems from not being clear after speaking with my doctor, along with others who have been diagnosed with Lyme. Would I feel the same or similar discomfort as before I was diagnosis? Are there other \"common\" symptoms? In all honesty, I am trying to figure if discomfort that I am experiencing is Lyme related or something else. In other words, I know that there is no cure, but does it \"come back\" and needs to be treated again? Thank you in advance.", "answer": "No, that's not right. Lyme is curable, but it takes about a month of antibiotics. A minority of people continue to experience some symptoms for months after cure, usually fatigue and pain. That also goes away with time and is not a return of the original infection.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fvc0n", "comment_id": "8fvc0n"}, {"question": "Is it legal for parents to do this?", "description": "This is a throwaway account. This is going to be a long post, thank you for reading. \n\nLast Sunday my brother got into an argument with my mother. We'll call him Sam, he's 15. I'm a girl and I'm 17. It began with Sam asking my mom \"Why are you opening dad's mail?\" They're divorced and live separately. It ended up with my mom putting Sam in a choke hold, me pulling her off of him, and him having to ride his bike 10 miles to my dad's house. That day my mom yelled bloody murder at me. She hit me. To be honest, I can't fully remember everything she said. My mind blocks it out. But what I do remember is basically being told that I was worthless, I was wrong, and I didn't do anything right. It got to the point where she was yelling at me, then her stupid boyfriend was yelling at me, and I was just crying. I ended up going into the bathroom and cutting myself. I rarely cut myself. Last summer was the last time I did. She drives me to it. Last summer every day I was crying as she spit out words of abuse. She'll scream at me, calling me a whore, a bitch, anything she can think of. I can't explain it really, but it just gets to the point where I'm so miserable, my insides hurt. My feelings I guess hurt so badly that cutting is like relief. It hurts less than the hurt inside. \n\nThe next day I had to go work, I work in a garden and it is the most terrible job. It's so hot, I'm so little and  I have asthma. I over heat and it's a really hard job for me. I come home and my dad has dropped Sam back at home. Sam is just sitting on the front porch because my mother won't let him come inside. I just sit on the porch with my brother because I feel bad. He's my brother, I love him, and I'm not going to ostracize her like my mom, her boyfriend, and my little brother. So I sit with him. Later I go inside and I'm eating cake. I try to bring some out to my brother and my mom flips out. She and her boyfriend yell at me that I'm \"undermining her authority\" and other crazy shit. She tells me she's so \"sick of me\" and she can't handle me \"bullying\" her. She makes me pack my things, takes away my phone and car keys, and drives me and Sam to my dads. \n\nNow my dad lives in a shitty house. He has a couple other really ghetto roommates. The house is falling apart and filthy. He has some financial issues and he goes without eating good meals quite often. Most weekends we can't visit him because he can't afford it. So we go over there and his shower and toilet aren't working and he has no food. So he drives us back over and tells my mom he really just cannot take us. My mom is pissed that we're back and she makes us sleep outside. Is that legal?? She fucking made me and Sam sleep outside on the fucking grass. Now my dad would've driven right back and taken us if he knew, but my brother and I didn't tell him until the next day because he needed sleep to go to work. He works at 5 AM and it was 1 AM when he dropped us back off. He drives a truck all day and if he had been too tired he could fall asleep at the wheel or he'd have had to call in sick. He can't afford to miss work... my mom already lost her job he can't afford to lose his. \n\nIn the morning when we woke up we tried going inside but my mom wouldn't let us. So I changed my clothes in the front yard because I just didn't fucking care at that point and walked a few blocks and had my friend pick me up. She's a damn saint. By the way, my mom turned my brother's phone off and she had taken mine so we couldn't contact her. We didn't tell her anything, just left, and spend the night at my friend's. The next day we went home and she finally let us in after a long talk with my dad. But she went to the police. She told them a twisted story about how my brother and I \"bully\" my mom and she just couldn't handle us anymore and it ended up with the cop agreeing that it was legal for her to leave us outside. He told her to call them next time and they would pick us up and put us into foster care if she couldn't handle us. The whole time her stupid boyfriend is defending her and telling her to call the cops on us and whatnot.\n\nNow this is so frustrating. I can't even describe it fully. Because I am NOT a bad kid. I get good grades, I take all the extra curricular classes that are offered, I'm president of my school, I drive my brothers everywhere, I do all the grocery shopping. Since I began driving I've taken over the role of mother. By the time I was 6 my mom stopped giving a shit. Our house was filthy. There was so much shit in out house that you couldn't walk around. The floors were grimy and matted with spilled food and drink. The table and sink overflowed with dishes full of rotting food and maggots. She never cooked us dinner. Since I was six I've been eating whatever I can find around the house and when I got old enough I cleaned the house so that it wasn't a dump anymore. Now my mom has a routine of go to work, come home, grab a beer, head straight to her bedroom, sleep. She doesn't come out to talk to us, she never cooks dinner, or helps with dishes, or helps us with homework. Before I could drive there was never food in the house and when we needed something from the store we would wait weeks to get it because she never wanted to go. Essentially I am my brother's mom. You guys might not agree, but I do everything for them. When they're sick I care for them, I help them with homework, I buy their friend's birthday gifts and take them to the parties. I cook food, I wash dishes, I help them with school projects, I talk to their teacher's when the parent's are supposed to. And I really don't mind. I know that my mom isn't going to do it and I'm mature enough to know it needs to get done. So I don't ask questions, I just make sure everything is running. I'm constantly stressed with my home life and on top of that I'm extremely involved with school and so I'm always always stressed. Driving has been such a blessing because I can go out and buy myself clothes and food when I/my family needs it. She won't even buy me clothes. Everything I have I buy for myself. She will  go out and spend hundreds on clothes for herself but when I ask for jeans or a coat she tells me \"No, you'll just grow out of it.\" Mind you, I'm 5'2\" and I stopped growing quite a while ago. \n\nSo please. Imagine how frustrating it is when I practically run our household and then I'm berated constantly. I do everything I possibly can and yet I'm told that I'm a bitch, a whore, a liar, lazy, that I never listen, I'm irresponsible, I'm good for nothing. \n\nLately, I just feel empty inside. I want to leave. I want to jump on a train and never look back. My mother drives me to this. She is the reason I cut myself, she's the one who makes me hate living. I feel helpless and unloved and I hate everything about my life living with her. She makes me feel crazy. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know your mom has no problem calling CPS to take you away? It hurts so badly that the one person who is supposed to love you, your own mother, doesn't really care about you. \n\nI don't know what I expect from posting this. I guess I just want to know if you've experienced something similar and what your advice is. I just need to let this out. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. ", "answer": "I would inform your school counselor (if you have one) or Vice Principal. Additionally, encourage your brother to do likewise. This is abuse and needs to be addressed.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1jno8w", "comment_id": "1jno8w"}, {"question": "Trust issues due to past", "description": "Long story short my parents and older brothers lied to my little sister and I for 12 years of my life saying that we were all fully related. Turned out only my little sister and I are fully related and my older brothers are half brothers. But every time I tried to find out the truth about it they all would say that we all had the same mom and dad. Had to find out from other family members after 12 years and even then my parents were reluctant to tell me the truth. Fast forward now I have trust issues, I don\u2019t take anyone\u2019s word and always second guess people. I\u2019m just wondering if there is any correlation between being lied to for 12 years by people I fully trust and not being able to trust people now.", "answer": "Short answer: Absolutely, they are the people you\u2019re supposed to be able to trust and they lied to you for a long time. Age 12  is such a vulnerable age to find out you\u2019ve been lied to for your whole life (at that point). If you are interested in seeking therapy, I would recommend someone who uses an approach that focuses on attachment. EFT or EFIT would be the mains ones that therapists can be certified in, though there are other approaches that don\u2019t have a certification that will still focus on attachment.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ed4yi1", "comment_id": "ed4yi1"}, {"question": "Very scared that I have diabetes", "description": "Hi everyone: \n\n​\n\nMale\n\n23\n\n50kg/110 ibs, but I think I've increased that to 54 kg/119 ibs \n\n​\n\n5 foot 10 inches\n\n​\n\nSouth Asian (Pakistani) \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*----------------------------------------\\*\\*\n\nBasically, I've had insomina for the past 2/3 weeks. \n\n​\n\nI took over the counter sleeping pills then after a week my doctor gave me zopiclone\n\n​\n\nThis didn't work and yesterday he gave me Mirtazapine. \n\n​\n\nI was awake for hours before I took the mitrazapine and I fell asleep for 18 hours. I woke up about 11/12 after taking it, but 6 hours later it became 18 hours which is when I usually wake up. \n\n​\n\nDue to this Insominia I haven't been going to the gym lately. I only went yesterday at 6am for rowing and leg workouts. \n\n​\n\nToday, I woke up and I felt like my brain was going to pop. I had this strange feeling. It's the feeling you get when you've slept a lot (say about 12 hours) right after you wake up, but it went on for hours and hours. I had breakfast and even went out so I walked about 30-40 minutes in total today. \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*I think the best way to explain this is feeling drowsy, but exactly drowsy\\*\\*. It's very hard to explain.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n\\*\\*It feels like I'm very tired without feeling tired\\*\\*. \\*\\*I didn't want to move or talk today\\*\\*. \\*\\*I don't feel tired (necessarily), but I feel extremely lazy\\*\\*. \n\n​\n\nFor the last few weeks, I've been eating a lot. I've had a lot of sugar, but also healthy high protein food to build muscle. As I've said, I've not been to the gym in the past 2/3 weeks, but I've been eating a lot. This has raised my weight by about 5kg to 55kg. \n\n​\n\nMy mouth also feels a little dry even though my oral hygiene is good, so I can't see this dry mouth as a dental hygiene problem. \n\n​\n\n\\*\\*I've also had some kidney pain in the last few days\\*\\*. This isn't much, but I think it's worth saying. \n\n​\n\nI've also woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, but to be fair, I've been drinking a lot of water at meals and I usually fall asleep after meals these past few days. \n\n​\n\n\\*So my question is\\*\\*. Does anybody think this is diabetes? \n\n​\n\nI'm kind of worried  because I have diabetes in my family (granmother and uncle), and I'm getting very serious about sports so of course this will stop me from going far. \n\n​\n\nThank you all. I know this a very strange and convoluted question, but I'm quite scared. \n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​", "answer": "Diabetes is easily diagnosed, but not online. None of what you describe sounds particularly suggestive, though. Waking up once to urinate is not alarming if during the day you aren't inexplicably thirsty and constantly urinating. Weight gain can cause diabetes, but isn't caused by diabetes, and a several kilogram weight gain is unlikely to cause instant diabetes.\n\nIt's easy enough to have your fasting blood glucose checked if you're concerned.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9p2m48", "comment_id": "9p2m48"}, {"question": "Dating a Korean Guy ?", "description": " Hi !! there is that boy I met ... we hang around together we spend so nice time we talked so much he was reallyyyy careful really nice really intelligent i admired his strengh his personality his courage, it was like a dream but a dream that ended too rapidly... We didnt had time to know each other enought to begin a relationship bc he left to a faaaar place... I am wondering why this happens to me why does he have to be sooo far why i never found any person as interesting... I guess he is now living a nice life, and he always takes care about himself and is a great responsible boy who cares about people around him ... I miss those days, those moments we hang around we ate together... and now we text each day ... but i still haven't confessed that i love him... and he too still didn't confess... but i don't know if he will one day bc i am in not sure if he loves me.... maybe he is seeing me only as a friend with whom he can text each day ... so i have those questions : Should I tell him what i feel ? Do u think he is also in love with me... how can i telle him that i love him? If he isn't in love with me how can i deal with that unconfortable situation? Please any help welcome ", "answer": "\u201cWould you want to go on a date some time?\u201d\n\nAlso ages?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "a4l8c1", "comment_id": "a4l8c1"}, {"question": "Trying to help girlfriend EOOD", "description": "My girlfriend has depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and I'm trying to see if exercise would help with some of these problems, especially since her psychologist recommended it. The problem is that she can't go to the gym without feeling like all eyes are on her and virtually shutting down in an anxiety attack. I tried to tell her that most people at the gym are too busy to notice her, but she even gets anxious if I look at her. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help her overcome this? I leave for college in a week and a half and I want to help her as much as possible before I go. \n\nEdit: Thank you guys so much for your replies!", "answer": "There are roughly a million and a half workouts from home that you can find on Youtube! I\u2019ll second Yoga with Adriene. I also like Blogilates. It might be better to start by walking/jogging with music or a podcast. Getting outside is also great for depression. ", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "7mg6n8", "comment_id": "7mg6n8"}, {"question": "Best type of therapy for uncovering memories and repressed feelings due to avoidance/dissacociation?", "description": "Im 19, and im suffering with derealization disorder. I have some trauma from a very young age so I will probably not be able to remember the memories that well, but I know I have some repressed feelings cause I find myself almost having a panic attack for no reason, ill be thinking normal throughout it but ill just feel my body go nuts, and the fact im suffering from constant derealization means something must be bothering me. How can I fully uncover these feelings? ", "answer": "EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is probably the best, somatic experiencing can be very helpful too. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "6zqeor", "comment_id": "6zqeor"}, {"question": "When will be the next time that we meet?", "description": "Why does my therapist ask me when the next time we will be meeting after every session? She has been asking me this since I first started seeing her a year ago and I usually see her weekly. Sometimes she will stop outside of her room on our way out and ask me when we will meet. Other times she will make the decision for me and say see you next week. Sometimes she will ask me with apprehension. Is she trying to remind me that continuing treatment is up to me and that It shouldnt be assumed that I would come back? Sometimes I overthink things and ask myself should I be coming back? Why does she keep asking me this, should I be scared? lol.  Strangely, I dont at least think about skipping the next week until she asks me when Im coming back.Sometimes I feel like I should run away and not work through all of these difficult emotions.\n\nI assume that drop out rates are high, otherwise I dont think she would be questioning when I would return. Its not just her, when I was seeing other therapists they would also ask me when will be the next time we meet.", "answer": "I don't know the reason your therapist is doing this, but I know a common reason this may happen. \n\nMany people in the helping profession want you to know you the ball is in your court. You are the boss. You call the shots . Also, it can be uncomfortable for some professionals to be assertive when money is involved . It can come off as \"bring me more money next week!\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fxegfo", "comment_id": "fxegfo"}, {"question": "Metformin side Effects", "description": "Hello fellow PCOSers. So, I've read the side effects on metformin and I've displayed several just in the last 2 days. I started metformin back in January with no side effects, but I stopped taking it after a month because I was in the middle of switching my insurance. I started it again this past Monday and up until yesterday I was fine. Yesterday I had a panic attack, and severe shivering even though my body felt hot. Today I woke up shivering again and feel dizzy anytime I stand up. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it go away after a few days? I plan on contacting my doctor Monday, just wanted opinions from people who have taken it. ", "answer": "Call the pharmacy or your doctor now. Those are some intense reactions, I wouldn't take the lightly. \n\nI did have significantly increased anxiety on metformin including an anxiety attack. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "6aqpuh", "comment_id": "6aqpuh"}, {"question": "I forced my friend into cutting herself", "description": "when me and my friend did a blood compact, it was her first time cutting herself... and I basically forced her into it. ", "answer": "Unless you dragged the blade across her arm you did not FORCE her to do anything.  If she really really didn\u2019t want to do it she wouldn\u2019t have. \n\nThat being said you may have influenced her or started her in a path to becoming more curious. But she made a choice. That is not ALL your responsibility. Think of it like this:\n\nYou have a friend who goes around stabbing people and they want to stop. Friend and you decide if she stabs someone else you are going to have to stab someone too. I doubt you\u2019d stick around long enough to be BFF with that person because you don\u2019t WANT to stab people. On some level she knew the risks and was willing to take them. Give her some credit/responsibility too. You are not all powerful. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7jrv0i", "comment_id": "7jrv0i"}, {"question": "How long should I wait before smoking weed again?", "description": "I have been a pretty heavy consumer of weed for the past two years smoking almost a quo or two a week at my peak, but recently I decided to stop due to anxiety and panic attack issues. I do not know if weed is the root cause of these issues but I have not smoked on the weekdays during these past couple of weeks and my anxiety has drastically decreased. Will smoking once or twice a week put me back up to my prior anxiety level or will it continually decrease with less marijuana consumption? Any input would be appreciated.", "answer": "Different strains of weed affect anxiety differently and different people respond to weed differently. The safest thing is just to not do it, but only you can know how you will respond. If stopping weed reduced panic attacks and they come back when you start again, then you will know for sure.  If your panic is so scary it's not worth finding the answer, then I'd let it go.  Weed is only one of a million pleasurable things in the world, most of which won't physiologically increase anxiety. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5qf1xj", "comment_id": "5qf1xj"}, {"question": "How to go to a bar alone and socialize?", "description": "So I\u2019ve found that when I have gone out with friends, not all the time, but SOMETIMES there will be moments where we are just shooting the shit with random people, socializing, and having a blast. And of course, just like any other mid 20s male, it\u2019s nice to meet women sometimes too.\n\nThing is, I don\u2019t have many friends. And sometimes, they don\u2019t want to go out. \n\nI had a friend the other day tell me we\u2019d do karaoke tonight which I was HELLA excited about because I want to do something out of my comfort zone, but it\u2019d be fun cause it\u2019d be with all my friends. I even had a song picked out and everything.\n\nToday he told me he doesn\u2019t want to go out anymore, now I\u2019m just dressed up all nice stuck at home with nothing to do. I want to go out, but I am terrified of going out alone. I used to do it all the time, but all I\u2019d do is dance alone on the dance floor and girls would occasionally approach me. I\u2019m always worried I\u2019ll just be stuck in my head and not talk to a single person. \n\nI want to be able to actually be social and have a good time without the need of a friend as \u201csocial insurance\u201d I guess you can call it... I\u2019m not getting any younger.", "answer": "You probably have more anxiety over what might happen than the amount of anxiety you\u2019d have if you were there.  \n\n\nI find I\u2019m more motivated to spark up conversations with strangers when I\u2019m alone because I don\u2019t have a friend to fall back on.  It\u2019s the best way in my experience is if the bar has an outdoor area where people are just chilling.  If you hear people talking about something you\u2019re interested in, join in.  If you don\u2019t, ask them random questions that might spark a conversation.\n\n\nSome times it\u2019s a great night and you\u2019ll be surrounded by people open to making friends, other times the bar will be dead or full of people not trying to talk to people they don\u2019t know.  Just keep at it, but going out alone once in a while might just be your best bet of meeting people.  \n\n\nI have no shame.  I\u2019ve straight up heard people talking about something I\u2019m interested in whether it be hockey, game of thrones, or D&D, or psychology (my profession) and have been like, \u201chey I heard you guys talking about blank, that\u2019s my shit.  My friends bailed on me, mind if I hang out?\u201d And it\u2019s been met with more success than rejection.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "bplxdw", "comment_id": "bplxdw"}, {"question": "My [21F] new SO [22] has the same name as my abusive father [56M].", "description": "I [21F] just started seeing a new partner [22] who is wonderful, nice, and hot, but they have the same name as my abusive father [56M] and I'm struggling with it because I really enjoy referring to my SOs by their names, especially in intimate situations like deep talks and sex. \n\nWhenever we're getting it on and I want to call them by their name, I can't help thinking about the trauma with my father and it immediately takes me out of the mood. The same goes when we're having talks about serious topics because thinking about my father makes me immensely uncomfortable and anxious. \n\nI'm currently in therapy working on my issues, but does anyone have advice about this? The obvious solution is to come up with a nickname but those are only good if they come about naturally. \n\nAlso any advice on how to talk to them about it would be much appreciated! You're all wonderful", "answer": "nickname is a good solution if real name is a trigger. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s95nl", "comment_id": "5s95nl"}, {"question": "Checking myself into a hospital today", "description": "I\u2019ve been off the rails for the past few months emotionally. This year hasn\u2019t been great. My dad overdosed 7 months ago and it\u2019s taken a huge toll on almost every aspect of my life. The love of my life left me and I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s because I wasn\u2019t taking care of myself enough and it was too much for him. Now we don\u2019t even talk. My best friend told me I was toxic on Christmas Eve and I lost her too. I\u2019ve been drinking way too much. I\u2019ve been smoking too much and I\u2019ve been getting high. I\u2019ve been making horrible decisions because I just haven\u2019t felt like my life is worth living anymore. Last night I feel like I finally collapsed and it became apparent to me that I need some help. I spent an hour on the side of the road on the phone with my therapist while he talked me off the ledge and in a few hours I\u2019m driving myself to inpatient. I\u2019m so scared and I\u2019m so lonely, I just hope it helps. ", "answer": "Kudos to you for realizing you need the help. It can be a tremendously healing time!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7n1soi", "comment_id": "7n1soi"}, {"question": "DAE get hurt by knowing their partner watches porn?", "description": "I know I'm overly sensitive about this stuff due to being cheated on and feeling used etc. But just wondering if I'm the only one, I find it especially more hurtful when I saw my boyfriend just watching women alone, I can try my best to rationalise and understand people watch it for the act, but it hurts to think he may watch to seek a better body etc.", "answer": "Same. I can\u2019t say anything to help really. My partner is addicted and it\u2019s so incredibly painful", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "cc3357", "comment_id": "cc3357"}, {"question": "Wellbutrin experience", "description": "Hello everyone, I\u2019m 22 years old and I recently got diagnosed with adhd. I got tested by a psychologist and now I\u2019m at the point in my diagnosis where we\u2019re deciding meds. My psychologist recommended Wellbutrin since I also smoke but he said that I could do a stimulant too. I\u2019ve recently been reading a lot about adhd  medications and both the pros and cons for stimulants but I don\u2019t really know much about Wellbutrin. Just wondering if anyone here has used it, how it worked for them, and if anyone has used a stimulant and Wellbutrin what worked better for you. Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks!!", "answer": "Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant that worked for me. It\u2019s not an SSRI like Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Lexapro.\n\nI had it prescribed prior to ADHD diagnosis, for depression. I think since my depression stems mostly from the ADHD symptoms, and Wellbutrin is mildly stimulating (helps with motivation, yay!) it worked well. \n\nI moved and stopped taking it tho. Eventually - now on low dose adderall. Just got Wellbutrin added because I have a depressive epi happening and wana quit smoking too. \n\nI\u2019ve had good experiences, and hope it will help again for me and be beneficial for you! but a higher dose be aware of, Seemed like a big jump in effect between the 150 and 300 mg.\n\nEdit: adding that my psych explained that because of my ADHD brain (more of a dopamine/norepinephrine thing I guess) it made sense I responded well to the Wellbutrin and not Serotonin meds.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "cfoph5", "comment_id": "cfoph5"}, {"question": "I had a mental episode but I was asleep when I was suffering from it, I need answers as to what I\u2019m also suffering from", "description": "Hello I\u2019m new to this sub and this is my first post here. Introductions aside I need help, just yesterday my grandparents found me collapsed on the couch and saw that I had pushed and messed some things in the living room and as I woke up I felt my body ache from it which was the first sign I experienced and it made me concern as to what happened earlier, I also found that I had several scratches on my right arm which meant I may have also hurt myself somewhere if anyone can tell me what type of episode I just did I\u2019ll tell it to my psychiatrist.\n\nEdit: I forgot to add this but I\u2019m diagnosed with Adjustment disorder so I\u2019m not sure if this was the reason I had this particular episode but I was cleared for regular consultation to \u2018as needed diagnosis\u2019.", "answer": "No memories of the event whatsoever? I would be inclined to call that a dissociative fugue. Needs more information to validate, though. \n\nI would let your psychiatrist know and explain it as plainly as you can.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e4fq2z", "comment_id": "e4fq2z"}, {"question": "Does Online LDR works even you haven't met them in person?", "description": "So, I was talking with a guy for like a week or so and we talked all day long, until one of us have to go to sleep. But well, the guy wanted to be my boyfriend and so he wouldn't find someone else, but he also wanted me to go to his country and meet him. I don't have money for that and he told me he would pay for my flight ticket, but I don't think he should do this and let me get money for that, which could take a couple months or maybe a year and I wanted to take things slow, since we don't know each other very well, but he thought I didn't want to be with him and stopped talking to me after that... :/\n\nDo you think I was wrong for saying that to him? He doesn't seem so patient when I said that tho", "answer": "it's not a relationship until you see each other a lot and decide it is.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "777fnb", "comment_id": "777fnb"}, {"question": "just venting. my pharmacist has started treating me like a drug addict when I go in to collect my psychiatrist prescribed medications and it's making me feel like shit.", "description": "I am prescribed five, of the lowest dose available xanax a week, along with a very low dose sleeping tablet. \n\n\n\nI have so much going on at the moment. my life is hard to manage even without ptsd.\n\n\n\ntoday, after my doctor I was told I had to take two xanax a day one in the morning, one at night for a month and go back to see the doctor in a month.\n\nmy pharmacist refused to fill the prescription, said I had already collected my weekly allowance and was very rude about it. \n\n\nthey wouldn't phone my doctor for me to check. \n\nwhen I phoned my doctor they said the pharmacy had to phone them and I haven't heard back yet. \n\n\nthis happens constantly. \n\n\nmy prescriptions are printed. there's no way I could forge them. \n\n\nI just hate it so much. \n\n\nI already feel like shit, I already hate that I need the meds in the first place. I don't go looking for them, but right now I'm being told to take them.\n\n\nbleh", "answer": "Sorry you are going through this. You didn't do anything to deserve this unprofessional treatment. This pharmacist has taken it on himself to overrule an order from your doctor, e.g. the new prescription. \n\nI also encourage you to go somewhere else. Loyalty and emotional connection to a small business is great, but you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. The pharmacist's behavior here is unethical on several levels. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "5lv1mp", "comment_id": "5lv1mp"}, {"question": "Today is my 14th day....", "description": "...I can't believe how much better I am feeling.  IWNDWYT!", "answer": "Amazing job! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "7yw72j", "comment_id": "7yw72j"}, {"question": "Lamictal rash (def not SJS) or allergy and should I even give a crap about it?", "description": "- 42 yo F\n- 5'9\"\n- 170lbs\n- Caucasian\n- Southeastern US\n- Lamotrigine 200mg qd, citalopram 20mg qd, trazodone 75mg qd, hydroxyzine 50mg prn, hydrocortisone cream 1% prn\n- Bipolar 2, anxiety, ADHD, severe TBI (childhood) Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (Hypermobility type)\n- Itchy, stinging rash on inside of R elbow, no weeping.\n- 2 days\n\nThrow away account, FTI. I've been taking 200mg of lamotrigine for six months (started at 50mg two years ago). I missed a dose five days ago and took my regular dose the following day about 18 hours after the missed dose. The rash started with a few bumps last night and worsened to this overnight. It's still creeping a little bit, but not quickly. I haven't been exposed to poison ivy, no new soaps or detergents, no bug bites that I can see. \n\nETA: When I first started taking lamotrigine two years ago, I got a similar rash that started on my trunk and moved out to my extremities. It was a rapid titration issue and resolved with no problems after the dose was adjusted.\n\nTl;dr: Is this worth a call to my doctor? \n\nhttps://imgur.com/a/KV1CbSQ", "answer": "It doesn't look concerning to me, but any rash with lamotrigine is worth having really examined by a doctor out of an abundance of caution.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ldi62", "comment_id": "9ldi62"}, {"question": "do therapists keep up with modern psychology? If so, how do they?", "description": "I was wondering if therapists keep up to date with modern psychology. Do you guys read studies and books and such to keep your knowledge fresh?", "answer": "My license requires me to complete 40 hours of continuing education every 2 years. While some people do the bare minimum,  many psychologists regularly attend conferences, seminars,  and trainings outside their required hours.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hb2v0v", "comment_id": "hb2v0v"}, {"question": "To the \u201colder\u201d people here, how do you feel ADHD has impacted your success in life?", "description": "I\u2019m 29 now and was only diagnosed a little under a year ago. It\u2019s helped me so much being on medication and learing more about living with ADHD; but I often wish I could have been diagnosed younger and would\u2019ve had a much\nmore stable life as well as be more successful. \n\nSo, to those attempting to live an adult life, how do you feel ADHD has impacted your success?\n\nWere you diagnosed as a child or adult?\n\nDo you think having ADHD has benefited you?\n\nAnd how have you coped/managed with having ADHD as an adult, with work, personal life etc?\n\nI\u2019m not expecting everyone to answer all these, I just want to prompt some discussion around living with ADHD as an adult.\n\nThanks and much love to you all.", "answer": "30yo, not old but fit your criteria I think. Diagnosed a year and a bit ago.\n\nI think I was almost at the peak of my abilities beforehand but now I feel like I could really make a difference in the world. I think I was diagnosed right when I needed to be. If it wasn't for my struggles, I wouldn't be where I am. It's why I joined the army, why I have experience personally in mental health struggles, and why I went to university (hyperfocus is fun when it's on a possible career). If not for those things, I wouldn't be where I am.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "glxuj5", "comment_id": "glxuj5"}, {"question": "Help interpreting thyroid lab results", "description": "Hi there! I am a 37 (f) 5\u20192, 142lbs, living in Massachusetts. Previous smoker, non-drinker. I recently had a full work up done by my PCP due to a wide variety of sx all revolving around feeling just generally unwell. \n\nOne of the workups done was my thyroid, which I was convinced was the problem, however the results came back as \u201cnormal\u201d. I\u2019ve been reading literature which states there is a difference between \u201cnormal\u201d and \u201coptimal\u201d results. The attached picture shows the normal value range, which I clearly fall into. \n\nI was hoping someone could take a [look](http://imgur.com/JYkGQar) and tell me if my results are in the optimal range, and if not would that indicate hypo or hyper thyroid. Also is there anything else thyroid related that should have been tested but was not. \n\nI appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond. Thank you! \n\n", "answer": "The idea of \"optimal\" endocrinology is largely a product of pseudoscientific para-medicine. That's a normal thyroid panel, and there is no evidence-based reason to do anything with or to your thyroid based on those results.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "905zgf", "comment_id": "905zgf"}, {"question": "10,000 days", "description": "Wow.  Here I am at the top of Keystone mountain in Colorado skiing on my 10,000th sober day.  I finally think I have lived more days sober than drunk/hungover.  \n\nTo anyone wondering how I did it.  I don\u2019t really know other than I know I totally surrendered and asked for help.  Recovery programs exist because they work.  \n\nIt sure is pretty skiing. I just wanted to post and say Hello and maybe be a bit of encouragement to someone that is still struggling.  \n\n\ud83d\udc4d\ud83c\udffcIWNDWYT", "answer": "Congratulations! I\u2019m wishing you many more!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "e9bk2p", "comment_id": "e9bk2p"}, {"question": "How strong is teva-venlafaxine 75 mg tablets", "description": "Girlfriend is taking two every day for anxiety and missed a dose and got every symptom from withdrawal.\n\nAnything yoy guys can tell me about this drug... Are there much stronger ones that are prescribed or is this pretty much the top dog?", "answer": "Theres no \"stronger\" antidepressant, though some are more effective than others in large sample studies (Cipriani et al).\n\nI prescribe venlafaxine regularly. Its effective for many. General principles is to try the top dose (if tolerated) for a while before switching. Venlafaxine typically goes up to 375mg daily (in the UK).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8e4jqc", "comment_id": "8e4jqc"}, {"question": "My boyfriend (26m) and I (24f) fight constantly about the same things?", "description": "How do you stop it? Whenever I complain to him from his point of view I am just being pointlessly aggressive - even if I am just trying to explain what's wrong - and annoying and hence he blames me for having the fight in the first place because it is stupid according to him, while he doesn't care about the subject of the fight, and always according to what he say I should \"never\" get upset. It's like he blames me for getting upset. He never gets upset or starts fights himself, he just gets passive aggressive and ignores me or is cranky until after a day or so he tells me what's wrong - after I nag him about it - which I shouldn't do, but since he goes as far as not talking to me for days or being very rude I am forced into it just to understand what is happening. Help.", "answer": "see a couples therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6agqgv", "comment_id": "6agqgv"}, {"question": "Xanax and alcohol", "description": "I have a prescription for alprazolam for panic attacks and for when i get overwhelming anxiety. I have an event coming up and i am going to hang out with a group of friends in which i will need to take xanax to be able to go or my anxiety will overwhelm me and i will end up getting sick to the point where i'd need to cancel.\n\nMost all drugs dont have much effect on me unless i take a somewhat higher dosage, and tend to wear off fast. My doctor says it's probably due to high matabolism. However it is not the same case with alcohol, i tend to get a good drunk off of 3 shots within 30-60 minutes (either that or I just cant handle the dizzyness of alcohol and associate that eith being very drunk). .5mg xanax does absolutely nothing for me and 1mg is alright.\n\nSo i would be taking around 1.5-2 mg xanax around 5pm, and our group will be drinking around 11-12pm. I know that xanax can potentiate the effects of alcohol.\n\nWhen drinking I would be playing it very safe and having only a half a drink to 1 drink throughout the night maximum.\n\nI rarely take the xanax, maybe once every 2 weeks. I rarely drink too, maybe once every 3 months or so. Will I be safe to do this? How long of a wait is safe?", "answer": "We say it because we fear for your life. Not trying to be an ass, but I see so many die and OD from this combo, just not worth it ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "67x7gm", "comment_id": "67x7gm"}, {"question": "Friend has recently become obsessed with poetry", "description": "I'm worried about my friend's mental health. He's 44, major ADHD, substance abuse but generally a happy person and never seemed to worry and had a general attitude that life will work itself out. He had a small traumatic event that he seems to be dwelling on a lot. His brother in law grabbed his sister's wrist in front of him and his nieces and nephew and he called the police, keeps cussing his mom out (their mom is a social worker who is one who removes kids from abusive homes) for not removing the kids from that household.\n\nHe seems to be leaving reality a bit. He knighted me and one of his dealer/friends with the grip end of a golf club. He literally had a web designer design and go live with website for his new \"motorcycle club\" where people pay admission to join. He has dreamed up auxiliaries at his club, much like a church may have. He feels his club will be for the good of the world and look out for people who are victims. The main symptom seems to be his obsession with poetry. It kind of reminds me of watching an episode of the children's show, Mr. Rogers' World with the rhyming and kingdom references. This guy obviously has studied some poetry in his life because he would recite some from memory while people were festively drinking and it would be funny but now he seems lost trying to create a half of line of poetry over the course of an hour or two during business hours.\n\nIs a sudden obsession with poetry a sign of schizophrenia or some other type of mental illness?", "answer": "What drugs does he typically use, and what's he used recently?\n\nIm interested in your comment about \"44, major ADHD\" - can you elaborate?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "683lu0", "comment_id": "683lu0"}, {"question": "massive loser, very lost in life", "description": "Hey reddit I never in my life have discussed my issues with anyone im usually very private but i would like to just hear your advice if you have any for me. \n\n-Im 23 male\n\n-Morbidly obese, this has been a 5 year battle I never can get the upper hand on. It\u2019s 100% mental, using junk food like cigarettes. I was athletic in high school. I know how to be healthy I just cannot for the life of me change my behavior. I know it sounds stupid for healthy people but I just can\u2019t stop I feel like Im hurting myself against my will.\n\n-virgin, never touched a girl\n\n-living at home with my parents (I have a very... \u201cquiet\u201d relationship with them. They love me and I love them but we never really interact)\n\n-been working a part time retail job since high school ended\n\n-Chemistry major senior (I hate that I chose this major. It\u2019s not going to lead to anything useful I just wasted my time. And I\u2019m not going to grad school for sure)\n\n-No hobbies, no friends, I spend all day doing homework and working retail. \n\n-Only time I enjoyed life was when I was a teenager smoking weed and being a degenerate with my 2 close friends but one of them died soon after high school ended and the other had a mental breakdown and long story short doesn\u2019t interact with anyone anymore (I could further elaborate if you want trying to keep this succinct)\n\n-I cant smoke weed anymore cause of random drug tests (although I guess a loser like me should be avoiding such vices)\n\n-I just feel lost. I\u2019m not suicidal cause that\u2019s scary I\u2019m just feeling really detached from everything like I don\u2019t get how to play the game of life correctly", "answer": "Normally my go-to answer is \u201cget thee to a therapist\u201d but in this case, if you were a kid walking into my office, I\u2019d really prefer you see a medical doctor first. Rule out underlying conditions that could be contributing to or even causing your symptoms (eg, thyroid problems could be causing both weight gain and sx of depression).  \n\nHaving said that, clearly you\u2019ve got some pretty negative self esteem going on\u2014therapy can help with that. So: 1) doctor, closely followed by 2) counseling. If you\u2019re a university student in the US, there\u2019s likely therapeutic counseling service offered by the school. If not, see if your insurance can help get a private therapist. \n\nHope this helps. You are young and have a lot going for you\u2014you\u2019re a student, you have a job, and you have a roof over your head; that is more than a lot of young people can say right now. I do not see a loser in this post! I see a guy struggling with direction in life, as SO many of us do in our early 20s. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83tbwd", "comment_id": "83tbwd"}, {"question": "Is life with ADHD just running late to everything until I die?", "description": "I\u2019m 27 and that\u2019s what it feels like it\u2019s shaping up to be.", "answer": "Yes.   But in an endearing way.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "d6z8yk", "comment_id": "d6z8yk"}, {"question": "How do you overcome trust issues?", "description": "What can I do about my trust issues? I came out of a relationship where I (think I did) nought wrong and got cheated on by her with her best friend at the time. Current gf is going out clubbing tonight with a couple and a single guy. The guy (her best guy friend) has been interested in her before but years ago. I see red flags basically where there is no cause for alarm this time around. What do I do? I am deeply in love with this girl and can see myself spending the rest of my life with her so long as I get over my trust issues... \n\nTl;dr: Girlfriend going out with a friend who was interested in her. I see red flags, I probably shouldn't... how do I get rid of them?", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6nb6ay", "comment_id": "6nb6ay"}, {"question": "Need help with getting the most put of therapy?", "description": "So I've been to two therapist in my life. One was male who I opened up to right off the bat. The second one was female. I wasnt quite sure how to open up to her. Idk if it was their gender or their personalities but i felt like i got way more accomplished with the first one. Im not at the same facility anymore and idk what to do. Im not sure what is appropriate to talk about with them and Im not sure whats too big or too small to talk about. And i feel like they are bsing me sometime. I plan to go back to the second one but im.not sure how that would work. There are other options i believe but i dont want to waste anymore time than i have. How can I get the most out of therapy?", "answer": "My general rule is to give a therapist 3 sessions.  If after the 3rd, you don't feel like you're getting much out of it, either have the conversation with the therapist or look to move on to a different therapist.  \n\n\nSome therapists may be great, but not necessarily a great fit for you and as frustrating as it can be, sometimes you have to shop around until you find one that works for you.  \n\n\nGenerally, we're willing to work with you on whatever issues you present.  For both your own wellbeing and the relationship you have with your therapists, it's generally better to get to know them before discussing any severe traumatic experiences in detail, but short of that, anything and everything is fair game, so long as you're comfortable talking about it.  \n\n\nI would say when self-reflecting, either talking about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else or talking about things that you really want more unbiased/objective feedback on is a good way to use therapy.  With the latter though, keep in mind, good therapists aren't going to just give you straight up advice or tell you what to do, but help you figure out the best path for yourself.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "91u1q3", "comment_id": "91u1q3"}, {"question": "Annie Grace was Right All Along! Drank after 50 days", "description": "I was sober for 50 days and I'm proud of that! But I binge drank yesterday. I woke up this morning throwing up, headache, tummy ache, and a lot of regret. Also some embarrassing Facebook posts to delete, but every one has already seen them by now.\n\n​\n\nI'm sure you're all familiar with Annie Grace, author of This Naked mind. She also does Youtube videos and podcasts. \n\nHer big thing is that we shouldn't even crave alcohol anything because it's NOT fun, not pleasurable, etc.  \nI swear, she is so right, and I should have listened to her. Yes I feel sick and hungover now, but what I have noticed the past several times I have relapsed is that the ACTUAL DRINKING part is not fun. Seriously. I have a buzz for what, 15 minutes? The rest was just silly nonsense that I don't even remember. I did NOT have fun drinking.\n\n​\n\nIn the past, I knew drinking would make me sick and hungover but I justified it cause I thought it would relax me or be fun. What I have definitely noticed is that even when I'm drunk I'm actually NOT relaxed or enjoying it. The whole appeal of drinking is a myth.", "answer": "Yet we still drink. That\u2019s the insanity of it. And that is also why I can\u2019t \u201cthink\u201d myself sober through all of this knowledge I have about it. For me, AA and the steps is the ONLY way.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bya59c", "comment_id": "bya59c"}, {"question": "The most difficult part of an essay: Planning and synthesis. And how to overcome this.", "description": "So I have no problem brainstorming ideas, and writing up 2000+ word documents of ideas, critique, etc. I guess this is one of the major advantages of having a scattered, ADHD-addled brain. \n\nBut then the dread kicks in when I have to synthesise all of these ideas into a coherent plan that will guide the actual essay. Being a perfectionist, I'm incredibly meticulous with the flow of ideas, structure, etc. So this is my major source of anxiety-induced procrastination, especially when I've already procrastinated the essay to the last minute, which happens well 99.9999% of the time. But I really want to work on avoiding this so I can plan in peace. \n\nAnyway, I've set up a system which works quite well for essay planning. I make a table with three columns: quote/general idea, page number and evaluation/critique. So the ideas basically progress logically down the rows. \n\nThen the scary part: summarising each main perspective for analysis. For this part, I copy and paste relevant information from my table into a word document, and print out the pages, so I have a copy next to me while planning the essay. This avoids scatter. \n\nSo after extracting a shorter summary from each point on the paper next to me, I cross out the quote/idea on the paper to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And if it's a shorter essay, I filter through the blocks of words, leaving only the MOST useful and essential information (which is basically the second trickiest part.)\n\nIt's quite a long process, but makes essay writing a lot more bearable. Just make sure you start this process as soon as possible to avoid the last minute anxiety I am currently experiencing.", "answer": "Sounds like you have a great system in place that seems to be working for you.  I have a similar one where I outline my main points and then copy and paste journal articles in the areas where I plan to cite them and helps structure the flow of ideas. I also dont like to procrastinate but have a habit of doing that. To help, I do a \"Pacing\" measure to figure out how much i need to complete each day in order to finish on time. For example, a 10 Page paper with 3 weeks to complete means I can complete 1 page a day and have plenty of time to review.  At first I just write what ever comes to mind (ignoring format, syntax or sentence variation)....then I read each section to adjust content and syntax. I find that it is much easier to form and polish ideas when I have something already on the page.  The trick for me is spending \"20 minutes\" a day...as it keeps the stress away", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "6vo5uc", "comment_id": "6vo5uc"}, {"question": "Want to sleep with people other than SO, what do I do?", "description": "The title is a pretty broad statement, and I will lay down background before anyone makes assumptions or general inferences that could be incorrect. \n\nI've been in my [22m] current relationship with my SO [20f] for over 2 1/2 years now, we have lived together for about a year and a half of that time. Before we lived together, we were LD for a year, besides when she lived here (separate from myself) for a summer. We have a very healthy relationship, we get along great, and many other people say we a great together. \n\nWe don't ever really get into fights about anything, we're both pretty easy going-with-the-flow type. We have sex regularly, go on dates, do pretty much everything outside of work together. We also each have \"alone time\" which for me is usually Saturdays (she works) and weeknights after I get off work before she gets home. It varies from a couple hours to 3-4 hours depending on her shifts. Her time being her days off during the week while I'm working, and in the morning before her shifts that start later.\n\nOverall we have a really great relationship and aside from small bickering, we get along pretty perfectly. So why the title then OP? Here goes.\n\nIn the last few months, I've found myself thinking about other women outside of my relationship. The thoughts are mostly sexual, me just wondering what it would be like to have sex with different women, sometimes random people, or sometimes women I know, or fantasizing about a girl in a nsfw picture, etc. I respect myself and my SO far too much to act on these desires. Even if I did want to, I'm terrible at socializing, specifically with the opposite gender. \n\nIs this a normal desire for someone my age? I also just started going to the gym more religiously in the last couple months, maybe this is because of a spike in testosterone? I've sort of always wanted to experiment with different types of girls and have always had a high sex drive. Also, I have only had sex with my current LTR, and my LTR in high school. I don't know what I should do, as sometimes the desires are stronger than others, but I would not cheat. Should I maybe see if she has had the same desires and talk about an open relationship? It would be very awkward to bring up as she would think something is up. \n\nTL;DR\nFor the last couple months I've been having sexual desires outside of my healthy LTR. Should I talk about my desires with SO, or just push them to the side?\n\nAny advice is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "do not tell him; it will create huge insecurity. YOU have to decide about the kind of rel. you want. committed mono ltr, poly, or single", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0v1z", "comment_id": "5s0v1z"}, {"question": "[21/m] My friend [20/m] is flirting with my colleague [20/f] behind my back, but it's more confusing than that.", "description": "Feel free to call me a scumbag if I am. I'm a bit confused right now.\n\n*A bit of back story here before I go into the current situation. About two years ago I found out my friend had been seeing my ex behind my back. Actively attempting to stop me from finding out. I only find out eventually because ex gets mad at him and spills the beans. I let friend know this isn't cool, he's a cunt etc, but in the end I forgive because the relationship with ex wasn't a serious one, and male friend is part of a larger friendship group, so cutting him out would be big implications on the rest of the group.*\n\n------\n\n**Main backstory**\n\nI'm in a relationship with a girl [20/f] and we've been together for just over a year. When this relationship was first starting, I had the opportunity to hire the **f**emale **c**olleague. \n\nFC and I had spoken online six months before this and flirted a fair bit. We developed mild feelings for each other, but then unconnected events lead to us drifting apart. Interview time comes round and she's the strongest candidate so I give her the job. At this point, I'm about one month into relationship with my girlfriend. I do not plan for anything to happen between myself and FC - at the end of the day she's a fun person to be around. \n\nAfter a few weeks working together I develop a small crush on FC. There's some innocent flirting here and there, but I've never let it develop into anything more. \n\nAfter FC has been working for my company for 3-4 months, she starts talking to **m**ale **f**riend. MF likes to sleep with anyone that he can, so I tell him flat out. I am in a relationship, but I have mild feelings for FC, so I would prefer if he could stay away from her. He says yes, no problem, he understands. Even after previous events I trusted friend. \n\n------\n\n**Recent events**\n \nOver the past two months I've notice that they have been texting each other more and more. Recently it must be upwards of 50 texts per day (at a guess, judging from when I spent time with MF a few days ago). One thing that annoyed me considerably recently was that I asked MF if he had any suggestions as to what I could buy my girlfriend for her birthday (I was freaking out about it) while we were both at work. MF replied with \"I'm busy dude, I'll talk to you at lunch\" - then, while doing some work with FC I saw them exchange multiple texts. *Very busy, dude.*\n\nThe thing that launched it over the edge happened today. FC had to leave work early and left her personal Facebook logged in. I found this a perfect opportunity to write a comical status. As I was doing this I noticed that a chat box was open between the two. The messages I saw looked a bit flirtatious. Curiosity took the better of me and I scrolled up to read a bit more. Very, very flirtatious - but I realised this was a big invasion of privacy and stopped reading. \n\n------\n\nI'm very annoyed at MF right now. It's painful to be unable to trust someone that I was so close to. This thread might just be to vent, but I'd like the opinions of others. \n\nAm I the dick for asking friend not to go there? Should I cut him off because he's broken my trust not once, but twice? Is he meeting up with her behind my back?\n\n\n", "answer": "Better question that will help you put this into perspective- how would your SO go about this if you opened up to her about this problem? What sort of advice would she give you? Would you ever even bring this up to her?\n\nGeneral rule of thumb is, if you are doing something that you don't want your SO to know, its probably something that crosses a boundary that you shouldn't be doing. Boundaries exist for a reason. You set one up by saying you would never do anything with this girl, FC, yet you continuously cross the friend/coworker/dating line with her. And this is why you are confused. You now run the risk of losing not one, but two really good friends (MF, FC) and also damaging your relationship with the thoughts andactions you might take on this. I hate to say it... but you kind of made your bed here and you have to lay on it.\n\nI say this because you are acting on feelings. Feelings, once developed ,cannot really be changed. Only dealt with. Thats what boundaries do- they prevent these feelings from being developed in the first place. You mess that up, you crossed a line you weren't supposed to. MF and FC owe you nothing, they don't need to respect any wishes you have at all here because you have no right and no claim to any of this. Sorry.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1if7ic", "comment_id": "1if7ic"}, {"question": "I think I have CPTSD.  What now?", "description": "I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but a little less than 10 years ago I was the target for bullying and a lot of other bad stuff, and I ended up having a nervous breakdown.\n\nFast forward, I'm in college and about to graduate.  I've been swinging back and forth between thinking I've put it all behind me and jumping at every indication that it might happen all over again and having terrible hysteric episodes as a result.  It's been impacting my work and my social life, and it's become more and more obvious that the stuff I've gone through is still a problem in my life.\n\nSo I guess my question is this: I have very little income, my insurance doesn't cover mental health, and I have virtually no one to lean on financially.  Since what I have is not from a specific event, I don't think most free options will be willing to work with me, since they'd specialize in PTSD.\n\nI want to move on with my life.  I've got so much to work toward and so much to look forward to, but I feel like I'm wearing a ball and chain.  What are my options?\n\n**edit:** *Thank you all for the support and advice.  Once I'm back from vacation I'll look into the resources you suggested.  Hugs for everyone!*", "answer": "I'm not a big fan of EMDR, but I do highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and would MAYBE even consider dialectical behavioral therapy or finding someone who can integrate a combination of those two treatments.\n\nAlso, this is the second time today I'm plugging this workbook, but it has some excellent, excellent chapters on CPTSD (not all books on PTSD talk about it) in it and isn't too expensive.  Some of the exercises in this book are ones that therapists do, anyway.  So while you're saving up money for therapy or waiting for health insurance to kick in, it's something I'd consider.\nhttp://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ptsd_Workbook.html?id=rPiIP-aH1bkC", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "14r38y", "comment_id": "14r38y"}, {"question": "Are there actual therapists out there that can help people with ADHD?", "description": "As the title suggests. This quarantine has made my emotions come out all loopy and I\u2019m prone to high anxiety/anger mixed with depression and whenever I try to talk to my mom she never seems to understand. She was never willing to grasp that I have ADHD personally due to the way I \u201cgot \u201c it, 25F by the way. So literally this past week I\u2019ve started thinking of maybe I need some type of therapy to help with my emotions. I\u2019m a psychology major and I know a little bit about CBT but I\u2019m curious if there a therapists out there who specializes in disorders I guess and how would I find one? \nThank you for any help or advice.", "answer": "Yes , there are . I always recommend getting a referral from your physician if you can.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g39kry", "comment_id": "g39kry"}, {"question": "Reddit is NOT for Black women, I am not treated like everyone else all the time", "description": "Reddit is cool, it has subs for pretty much anyone. There's subs for things like Memes to places where you can have intellectual conversations.\n\nBut as a black woman, I have learned **Reddit.is.not.our.friend.**\n\nSomething that I found **discusting** is the sub for rating how people look. Very average looking whit women are rated high or average, but black women they say ignorant borderline racist shit. I've seen them list our skin color as to why we're below average. Men have said that our noses are ugly/nostrils too big and even to get surgery to fix that once. Also to \"fix\" and neaten our natural hair even though it was healthy and beautiful and nothing messy about it. But then if there's a black woman with straight hair I've seen them say we \"shouldn't wear weave\" or \"weave/wig is unattractive\", they don't even know if it's weave we have long hair too! The most beautiful model like black girl is considered ugly or below average compared to an average white woman on that sub. Black men are rated way better than us. Just say you like European features better! \n\nWhenever I have talked about my experiences with racism I'm always met with disbelief or the popular \"stop making everything about race\". But posts about white people experiencing \"racism\" (most of the time it's just that a POC didn't want to say hi or didn't talk to them) they get the most love and support and up votes I've ever seen :(\n\nThis is why I only really go on subs for Black men and women only, because I feel good about my blackness and I can be myself with people judging me. And people actually understanding my struggles anv not some white people (and some other POC) not believing it **just because they haven't personally seen or been through it**\n\nHonestly I might take a break :/\n\n", "answer": "I\u2019m sorry they have ever made you feel less than. You wrote about your experience so eloquently. You clearly have a great voice and a lot to say. Maybe the right people just can\u2019t hear you yet! Keep your head up! I see you, girl! Don\u2019t let people through a screen, with their own insecurities, make you feel any less than the strong, brave woman that you are putting yourself out there!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "aivo5z", "comment_id": "aivo5z"}, {"question": "i just wanna htave a fun post for once.", "description": "hold up, hold up, woah  \nlets stop drowning in rants and depression real quick  \nyou see this shit? not very fun. and i understand why  \ni know why this is filled with depressing rants and stuff  \nbut i want a fun post to cheer people up a bit, is that a bit much to ask some?  \nto want to hit me up with some of that good stuff?  \nso. how do ya do, what has been going on, anything good? any news about games, or work, or achievements or friends, anything at all?", "answer": "Looks like I found a spot to host my Therapeutic RPG Group for Teens in the city by me!  When I first \"started the practice\", in full ADHD mode, I found a spot in the burbs near where I live, built a website, and blitz advertised all around the area.  \n\n\nAfter a couple months went by, I couldn't even get enough clients to start the first group.  I had more D&D playing adults saying they wanted to work for me than I had parents signing their kids up.  \n\n\nI lost motivation, got discouraged, and in my typical ADHD fashion, got distracted with other projects.  I recently caught myself, forced myself to throw myself back into this thinking if I moved it into the city rather than the burbs, I'd have a better chance of it taking off!  \n\n\nLo and behold, not only am I on the cusp of getting a spot in the city in my old neighborhood, but one where I may not even have to pay any rent to run my practice out of!  \n\nBig lesson I learned from this, if I want something bad enough, don't let minor or even major setbacks kill my interest.  My impulses will tell me to move on to the next interesting thing, but if I keep going back and trying to make something work, it will.\n\nThanks for giving me a place to brag/celebrate!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bs200m", "comment_id": "bs200m"}, {"question": "Addiction Recovery , and seeking help", "description": "Hi all. I just wanted to seek wisdom and reflection of what I'm going through. if any one has experienced just starting out on anti depressants in their late twenties let me know. I tried Prozac once a few years ago but felt manic like I drank a bunch of coffee and I didn't like it. Didn't try anything again. I feel more open to trying some kind of psychiatric medication.\n\nI have been in recovery from an eating disorder and food addiction for three years. I am in a 12 step program and have been in and out of relapse. I went to a food addiction intensive a few weeks ago and I realized I have underlying depression and trauma that needs addressing. My energy dips so low sometimes that it feels like I am moving through molasses and feel like I'm 80 years old (I am 27). \n\nSince May I have had a horrible relapse in and out of binge eating . I feel super distracted , confused , angry , depressed and lack energy. Binge eating messes with my head and effects me physically , mentally and emotionally. The addiction + mood disorder is really hard.\nI have had a therapist for past year but she does not specialize in addiction .\n\nLast week I  quit my jobs to move across the country to live near people in recovery and go to treatment center . I am realizing that is too much. In a way I feel like I was wanting to run away. I am too overwhelmed to do that and want to stay where I am living and focus on getting well here. I have a support network here in form of 12 step group and some college friends . I also don't know if I can even go to treatment center because I don't have insurance or thousands of dollars out of my pocket to to cover it.\n\nI have had such major issues with getting health insurance . Luckily I went to a crisis center last week and they guided me to local resources. I have to get Medicaid on Monday and schedule appointments with the mental health clinic.\n\nI am simitaneudously peaceful and freaked out I quit my jobs . I want to give myself a few weeks to get my therapy, group, psychologist stuff in line. I left on good terms. I want to be well and go back to work as soon as I am able. I have a little under $2000 saved so a month off from working won't be too hard on me. I really don't want to struggle anymore and I feel like this has been going on for years and that's too long. ", "answer": "Have you seen a psychiatrist at any time during this?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4ztp65", "comment_id": "4ztp65"}, {"question": "Starting the new year off by taking antidepressants for the first time!", "description": "Hey y\u2019all, I (24F) am starting Wellbutrin/Bupropion. Does anyone have any words of advice? The pharmacist said with or without food, do you recommend taking with a meal? I\u2019m starting on 150XR. Thanks in advance! Happy 2020!", "answer": "Sounds like a good way to start off the new year. Here's some things to keep in mind:\n\n1. Start off taking it with meals to see if you can tolerate okay (one common side effect is nausea). It also helps you get into a dosing schedule, which is super important. Breakfast time is usually best especially when starting a new medication (so you aren't having major side effects after a dose before bed). Remember, consistency is key with dosing medications: you want to try and take it around the same time every day. \n\n2. Be mindful of side effects. You can look them up or ask your pharmacist for a sheet. Common ones for Wellbutrin are nausea and loss of appetite. There are some more uncommon ones like headaches and dizziness. Until you have a general idea how it affects you be mindful of your activities\n\n3. Antidepressants can cause a short term introduction or increase in suicidal ideation. It is temporary but can suck. Keep your doctor and other professionals in the loop if this occurs for you.\n\n4. Antidepressants help take the edge off your symptoms but do not necessarily eliminate them. Pairing medication use with other interventions like therapy, exercise, healthier diet, and social interaction will maximize the impacts of the medication. It also helps you remain less reliant on it for relief. Don't forget good sleep hygiene too.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "eiiyd9", "comment_id": "eiiyd9"}, {"question": "okay, I'm just starting college and i've already met this girl. I asked her to go to coffee and she said yes.", "description": "I dont know how to approach things now, I find her extremely attractive and feel like I could be in a relationship with her.  we havent gone out yet but i dont want to screw things up, any advice on what to do?", "answer": "Slow your roll, son.\n\nA date is good, but that's all it is.  You're literally at *step one* of the Get to Know You Game.  The purpose of the date is to learn if you enjoy each other's company, and there's nothing wrong with finding out that you don't.  Lower your expectations of what constitutes a \"good date.\"\n\nAuthenticity is key.  Talk about the things that interest you, don't stress about appearing \"cool\", and let things flow naturally.  You might be nervous; most people are.  That's fine and just let it happen.\n", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "1l7753", "comment_id": "1l7753"}, {"question": "Groinal Response.", "description": "I got a groinal response when I looked at a picture of a kid and now I'm terrified. I didn't go back to test if I actually felt anything for her. I was diagnosed with OCD but now I'm scared\n\nI also had groinal responses when I was kid but I made nothing of it because there was no attraction. Should I be worried???", "answer": "If it feels like OCD, treat it like OCD. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "50tcki", "comment_id": "50tcki"}, {"question": "I fucking HATE the rhetoric of 'diagnoses don't matter'/'you shouldn't focus on those' that I've gotten from THERAPISTS", "description": "yet I never even heard the word disthymia or of an actual concept of persistent depressive disorder until over 5 years into this hellish journey trying to figure out and/or fix my mental health, and AFTER I just submitted an application for disability apparently without putting what I actually have in it and instead rambling about a bunch of misinformation.\n\nEvery therapist, counselor, and psychologist hits me with this bullshit if I talk for more than a few sentences about what I think what I'm feeling might be, from social work hacks hired as therapists in the field of recovery to intensive psychiatrists on psych wards.\n\nI'm so tired of this whole hellish system, let alone my shitty brain and the psychic pain I'm perpetually in, or trying to navigate poverty despite it and vice versa.", "answer": "I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience. I'm not going to give it if you don't want it, but I would like to offer the perspective of a mental health professional who is anti diagnosis if you are interested.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7hp1um", "comment_id": "7hp1um"}, {"question": "To what degree does cannabis harm the adolescent brain? What hard evidence do we have to support the claims generally made?", "description": "If anyone with some degree of knowledge relating to this could link me some of the more rigorous studies or tell me more about this, I would greatly appreciate the effort.\n\n\nMale\n30\n5 foot 10\n150lbs\n(Putting that there so post doesnt get deleted)", "answer": "There are for obvious reasons no randomized, controlled trials. There are reviews, such as\n[Effects of Cannabis on the Adolescent Brain](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3930618/), for example; some [small longitudinal studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5963818/); and an ongoing large NIH longitudinal study.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jqhcuj", "comment_id": "jqhcuj"}, {"question": "Will doctors prescribe me narcotics if my dad and grandma suffered from alcoholism?", "description": "So i have serious anxiety & panic episodes and really want benzos but i think my Gp is holding back because my dad abused alcohol and so did his mother. Does this actually happen?", "answer": "I would avoid getting psych prescriptions from a GP. Instead, it would be wiser and healthier for you to see a psychiatrist if at all possible. They have training in those types of medications and are much more qualified to prescribe appropriate medications.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "1f66n5", "comment_id": "1f66n5"}, {"question": "I'm at the end of my rope. What do I do?", "description": "My SO of 2.5 years and I own a house together and we do love each other but lately things have been so rough. I am an attorney that works long hours and he works at a company that allows him a 9-4 schedule. I think I let him get too comfortable with the idea that I always cook and clean. I was raised by a strong mother and I really feel that we need to split things 50-50. He won't get off the couch and barely seems to react when I ask him to do things. I can't see myself living like this forever but I don't want to leave him. I am so torn and frustrated. How do I get him to understand? I am not his mother and I don't need to baby him into doing chores. Is this relationship doomed? Any advice would be helpful-I'll answer any questions that I can.", "answer": "find a couples therapist", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ku2rp", "comment_id": "5ku2rp"}, {"question": "People hating on therapists", "description": "I\u2019m applying to grad school at the moment to become a therapist. I\u2019ve had nothing but good experiences with my therapist I used to go to. But since getting on Reddit I see a lot of negativity towards therapists.\nI get that there\u2019s bad people in every profession, but I feel like I see a lot of hate for therapists, particularly on this sub. \nIt\u2019s making me really scared to become a therapist if people really seem to hate them. I genuinely want to help people because I know what it feels like and I hope to one day help my patients, but all the negativity I see about therapists has me feeling really sad/pessimistic about it.", "answer": "People turn to the internet to complain about the people in their lives because THEY RAN EVERYONE AWAY WITH THEIR TOXIC PERSONALITY TRAITS AND DON\"T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TALK TO!! It had to be said. lol ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "a7bssl", "comment_id": "a7bssl"}, {"question": "Is this a normal feeling?", "description": "So, Ive been lurking around this subreddit for a while and trying to figure out how I could put what I was feeling into words. So, I have a pretty good life. I have asian parents so the topic of therapy is very foreigh to them. And thats why I decided to give this subreddit a try . I have great parents, loving sister, im currently in medical school which is my dream job . I dont really have much to complain about. But even then i\u00f1I dont kniw why, but Im never happy. Every night before falling asleep my mind always starts thinking about how good it would feel If I died right now. Like I would have these sudden thoughts about just ending it and I dont even know what triggers them. Its like im guilty of feeling happy. Like i dont deserve to be happy. And I always wanted to live a short life. I want to live a short but happy life. This was because I couldnt imagine a world without my parents. I dont want to outlive them. Is this normal?.", "answer": "I don't really believe there's any such thing as normal.  I believe everyone's crazy.  It's just a matter of what way and how much.  \n\nResearch shows that about 50% of all adults have thought about suicide at least once in their lives.  My guess is that it's much higher but many would be afraid/ashamed to disclose even anonymously.  \n\n\nThe more important to ask yourself is:  Are these thoughts so distressing to you that they're impairing your life somehow?  If so, I'd suggest talking to a therapist to figure out what's going on.  If you're old enough to be in med school, you're old enough to go to a therapist without your parents or anyone else ever finding out if you don't want them to.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "ds19cr"}, {"question": "How do I know if I need antidepressants?", "description": "I dont know much about mental health in the first place but people around me think I'm depressed and I think so as well but when ever I think hard about it I just deny it and move on. How do I know if I'm depressed is the overall question?", "answer": "Well depression doesnt mean you need antidepressants. You might do better with talking therapies like CBT.\n\nAnyway only you and whoever assesses you would know. If you think you have problems, go see someone.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "f9d4tv", "comment_id": "f9d4tv"}, {"question": "Dysthymia vs Major?", "description": "This past Saturday I had an appointment with a psychologist. It was the first time seeing one in many years and it was most to talk about my Mom and how to deal with her issues. However, she asked me if I had ever heard of Dysthymia and I told her no. I later found out it\u2019s just another word for Chronic Depression. She asked what I had been diagnosed with before and everyone had always told me \u201cmajor depression.\u201d  I understand that major is more severe and acute while chronic is more mild but long term. Is it possible to be both major and chronic?  I truly don\u2019t feel like I\u2019ve ever been better but I have months where things are better than other months. Anyone know how to tell a difference?", "answer": "I'm really boiling this down and simplifying, so any other professionals, please excuse the over-simplification, but essentially, Major Depressive Disorder would constitute a period of depression with many very severe symptoms, often having a disastrous effect on your ability to work, maintain social relationships, take care of your activities of daily living, etc.  \n\nDysthymia is a chronic low level of depression, where in most cases, the person can still function, but their functioning is impaired due to the constant but less severe depressive symptoms (low energy, inability to feel joy, irritability, etc.)\n\nGenerally though their are a lot of similarities in the way they present, in my opinion, I believe they occur due to fairly different circumstances/reasons.  \n\nLet me know if this isn't clear or you have any follow up questions.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "80erfe", "comment_id": "80erfe"}, {"question": "Scared I've damaged my kidneys. Please look at my blood work. Kidney doc appointment next week.", "description": "https://imgur.com/a/eNiB8\n\ncaucasian male, 25. history of steroid abuse, htn (controlled with telmisartan for the most part but for a long time it was uncontrolled). Medications- clonokpin 0.5 mg prn for anxiety, modafinil for sleep apnea (which is treated with cpap), past finasteride use at 18-19 which caused persistent sexual side effects. I'm 220 lbs, in fit shape. Go to gym regularly 5-6 days a week lifting weights and cardio here and there a few times a week on the stationary bike or swimming laps. Please see blood work. Concerned about blood/protein in urine. Apparently, according to my mom i have always had a micro amount of blood in my urine since I was in middle school or highs school and the urologist wrote it off as benign and nothing to worry about. Couldn't give a reason for it though. Never saw a nephrologist for work up or testing. I'm only taking modafinil prn as needed now along with cardizem and prn klonopin but during blood work i was on a moderate-large dose of testosterone proprionate. No other harmful substances. How can my egfr, creatinine, bun seem okay/good to me but I'm still leaking protein/blood in urine? I've also noticed what I believe to be +1 pitting edem in my lower legs. After a long day of wearing long socks, I have a pretty significant indent after taking them off. When I press my thumb super hard into the side of my leg it leaves an indent for at least 10 seconds. it's worse when I press right above the cutoff line of my sock as that is where all the fluid seems to build up from the compression of the socks. socks are loose fitting though. Could edema be a sign of kidney disease? ", "answer": "Edema could be a sign of kidney disease, but It's very common to have marks from socks at the end of the day, and that's not necessarily pathological.\n\nThere are worrying causes of blood in urine, but there are also some that are not concerning, including the rather descriptively-named \"benign familial hematuria\" syndrome. It's worth seeing a doctor about it.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8d5hyu", "comment_id": "8d5hyu"}, {"question": "Why do I hate hipster women?", "description": "When I see loud, hipster women, I just hate them. Watching some white, hipster, tattooed women at the protests, just screams insincerity to me? Are they doing it for clout, 'look at me' reasons. \n\nI hate people that aren't authentic and feel like they need to project their bolshy personalities onto you. \n\nWhy am I like this, and how can I not be?\n\n25 y/o male.", "answer": "You have the right to your own preferences. Everyone has turn-offs, no biggie.  That being said, if an entire vaguely defined group of women triggers high intensity for you , you may want to explore what is really going on.\n\nYou mentioned authenticity,  fake \"look at me.\" How does another's fakeness impact you ?  It almost seems like you are giving more attention by having a strong reaction.\n\nFiguring out feelings and beliefs takes a lot of work  and I don't think anyone can fix it through reddit. It might help to ask yourself what emotion comes up for you (not anger , what feeling causes the anger? People are angry because they feel something else). Also,  to ask yourself what need you are meeting by hating these women.  What does it do for you that can't be done by simply moving on? \n\nI think it is great that you recognize there is something going on that needs to be addressed.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gtuwt4", "comment_id": "gtuwt4"}, {"question": "I\u2019m an alcoholic, I need advice", "description": "I\u2019m a 20 year old male, 5\u20197, 70KG, asthmatic, occasional smoker and binge drinker.\n\nI have been drinking alcohol REGULARLY, for about a year now, before that I would smoke weed daily, and only drink occasionally. Since I quit weed one year ago, I started drinking more alcohol. I drink almost every day but I always make sure to take one day off of drinking every week, sometimes 2. Sometimes I even take a whole week off of drinking but this is rare, it\u2019s only happened like 2/3 times in the past year. When I do drink, I binge quite a lot, I would have about 2-4 pints of beers plus about half a bottle of 70CL whisky, maybe a little less. More or less around 30 units of alcohol on the night that I drink. I\u2019m trying to cut down/quit and I\u2019m wondering if I should cut down to every other day, then every 2 days then every 3, etc or just stop all together, because I\u2019ve heard that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous so I want to minimise the withdrawal effects. So far, on the days that I don\u2019t drink, the only effects I get are tremors and anxiety mainly, sometimes some spaciness. What should I do? Any advice? Have I been drinking for long enough to experience severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms or would I need to be drinking for years and years?", "answer": "Drinking that much for that long can lead to withdrawal\u2014which you know, because that\u2019s the shakiness. It\u2019s rare for it to be dangerous, but it\u2019s still something worth discussing with a doctor as you cut down and stop.\n\nIt\u2019s also worth talking because there are therapies and medications that can help you stop drinking if you need help.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "kcyzw6", "comment_id": "kcyzw6"}, {"question": "The ADHD tip that changed my life forever", "description": "(I apologize for any spelling mistakes I make in advance, I\u2019m a fast typer and I may forget to proofread)\nI believe that everyone one with on here should do this, whether your diagnosed, self diagnosed, or just suspect you have it. \n\nOk, before I start, let me just say I\u2019m far from a professional of any sorts. Being completely honest, I\u2019m literally a 14 year old. \n\nI was diagnosed 5 years ago and started on medication immediately. At the time, all I knew was that this pill helps me focus in school, little did I know that it was so much more.\n\nI\u2019m currently about to go to high school. My grades are less than that of elementary school, but that\u2019s not too important. What I learned in the past year is something that I wish I had years back.\n\nThis is what I want to share.\nMany doctors or psychiatrists who diagnose ADHD often times only know the basics. So they tell you what they know. I would say at least 80% of People with adhd don\u2019t know a lot about their own mental disorder.\n\nDo. Your. Own. Research.  If you haven\u2019t already don\u2019t this, I 100% suggest it.\nI\u2019ve learned more about ADHD doing my own research than any professional has ever taught me (not that professionals aren\u2019t reliable, but most of them don\u2019t study in ADHD)\n\nHere are some things that you should start researching on\n\nExecutive Dysfunction\n\nRejection Sensitive Dysphoria\n\nStimulation\n\nI would explain them, but I feel that it would be very lengthy and kind of complicated. These things have given me a name and explanation for things that I didn't even know had to do with ADHD. \n\nI hope this can help you like it helped me. \n\nEdit: other additions from the comments\n\nEmotional Dysregulation \n\nParalysis of Will\n \nHighly Sensitive Person\n\nSensory Proccessing Sensitivity", "answer": "Agreed! Knowing about rejection sensitive dysphoria really helped me too!  \n\nOne thing to also add is \u201cParalysis of Will\u201d which explains why it\u2019s hard to start something (hint: it\u2019s not because you are lazy!)", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "967v9q", "comment_id": "967v9q"}, {"question": "Taking high dose of Vitamin D but no change to my mood", "description": "Hi all,\n\nI recently had blood test done and nothing came up apart from a very low Vitamin D count so I was prescribed Densin 4000 IU tablets and was advised I will probably be on them for about a year. I have been on them now for about a month already but I haven\u2019t noticed a change in my mood I thought that it would elevate my depression (I know it\u2019s not going to cure it but I did think that it was going to make me feel a bit better mentally) but alas no change. I know that it\u2019s a tool used to help anxiety/depression but my question is why is it not working on me? P.S I\u2019m a 26f and I\u2019m 5\u201d10 and 290 pounds. I possibly have ADHD as well I\u2019m waiting for a diagnosis.", "answer": "Low vitamin D can produce nonspecific symptoms including potentially depression. Most depression isn\u2019t due to vitamin D and there\u2019s not clear evidence that raising vitamin D reliably improves mood.\n\nMostly depression and anxiety should be treated as depression and anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "khkdrj", "comment_id": "khkdrj"}, {"question": "Terrified of seizure", "description": "38F, 115lbs, 5\u20197. I abused alcohol for years before finally getting help. Part of that help was Librium. I used it to detox then stopped, but developed pretty bad anxiety. My gp put me back on it at 5mg 3x a day. It didn\u2019t help much and I didn\u2019t like the way it made me feel so I decided to come off. I was told this was fine. I cut down to two pills for a few days, then to one for the last 5. All in all I was on it for 6 weeks. It\u2019s been 85 hrs since my last dose. I\u2019m just so scared that because my brain had no healing time between the alcohol and benzo that I\u2019m setting myself up for a seizure, just like I could have had cold turkey from alcohol, but maybe even worse now. Please help.", "answer": "Going straight from alcohol to a benzo taper is standard management to prevent seizures. Librium itself has such a long half-life that it does a decent job self-tapering. You're probably going to be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e11xcc", "comment_id": "e11xcc"}, {"question": "How to stay motivated? And how to keep yourself interested in something?", "description": "One thing people don't talk a lot about when we mention depression is about how boring depression is. It's sucked away joy from things I used to love so much. Video games, movies, writing, shows, nothing is fun anymore. \n\nHow to get out of this rut? I want to be a writer but I can't get myself to read or write. How do you cope with losing your hobbies? ", "answer": "I\u2019m stuck there myself and it\u2019s awful.  I just try to force myself to do things, whether I like them or not.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9nuwfm", "comment_id": "9nuwfm"}, {"question": "Involuntary care", "description": "If I tell a doctor or shrink or whatever about a recent suicide attempt do they have to right to commit me involuntarily?\nI should probably add I'm in Ontario Canada", "answer": "It depends on if they believe you\u2019re still a threat to yourself. If you\u2019re planning to attempt again and have the means with which to do it, most likely they might do this to keep you safe. If your recent attempt was not completed because you changed your mind and are wanting help to work through this and keep yourself safe I would think they might not put you on a hold. Again depends if you are planning to try again. I\u2019m glad you\u2019re ok and I\u2019m sorry things got to that point for you. Please know you do have value and there are people who care about you. <3", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epszia", "comment_id": "epszia"}, {"question": "is our history together what's keeping us together? me[32/m], her [36/f]", "description": "My partner and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 8. we went to university together, have traveled around the world together, moved to a different country together, and now we live apart for over a year. For a long time I haven't been compassionate the way they wanted.  For a long time our sex life hasn't been what I wanted. I moved to a different country last year for work and now we live on different continents. That hasn't helped even though my new job allows me to work remotely some of the time.  I made a pros and cons list:\n\npros:\n\n* they can be very understanding\n* we have a lot of friends together\n* we have a history\n* we have similar interests\n* they make more money than me and that really helps\n\ncons:\n\n* they are cold and distant\n* most of our problems seem to be my fault, maybe we aren't compatible\n* the lack of sex even when we are together is killing me and i'm not entirely sure it will ever come back\n*  I don't think they love me anymore. they don't say it anymore. they don't really say they miss me anymore.\n\nWe have these wonderful memories together, but also horrible ones. I don't want to lose my partner but I don't know what's left to keep. \n\nI've tried to talk about this with my partner a lot but sometimes I feel like that isn't really productive. Is it me? Do I lack patience?\n\nNow I have the opportunity to move back but I'm afraid that if I do, I will just accelerate the end of what's left and then I will have nothing. I'm afraid that if we separate than they will be hurt so much by it that it will affect their career. \n\nI try to sit and think about what my partner thinks. What its like to be in their shoes in this situation. But it's difficult. I feel like sometimes I don't really know my partner.", "answer": "very hard to work things out long distance. keep talking, processing. maybe even a 3 way skype with a counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ssdgu", "comment_id": "5ssdgu"}, {"question": "How to utilize BPD symptoms in a beneficial way.", "description": "How might some of you utilize having BPD? Perhaps it's a career choice, or choices you make in your life.", "answer": "Many people with \"BPD\" are empaths and able to accurately recognize and predict emotional disruption. It's like having a metal detector for emotionality. This is amazing when working with kids who may not be verbal or who maybe can't really communicate their feelings. I'd trust an empath to screen kids got child abuse or for bullying. \n\nJust one area I love about people who have emotional \"disregulation\" ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "8aebcb", "comment_id": "8aebcb"}, {"question": "Lexapro/SSRI withdrawal question", "description": "Hey everyone! I recently stopped taking Lexapro after taking it for about 3.5-4 months. Before that, I was taking Prozac for about 6 months. \nBefore this period of antidepressants, I was on a cocktail of daily klonopin, celexa, and a few others...\n\nMy point is, I have been through the withdrawal process a few times, and unfortunately am aware of all the withdrawal affects of the drugs.\n\nMost recently, when I stopped taking the Lexapro, I experienced new symptoms and was just wondering if anyone has some insight or anyone has experience similar issues. The main issue is I am about 2 or 3 days late for my period. I couldn't find much information browsing around, but is this a common symptom associated with withdrawal? I have also been experiencing some GI issues (upset stomach, etc...)\n\nNothing else in my life (diet or exercise habits, stress, etc) has changed except for stopping Lexapro and all SSRIs/antidepressants, so I guess I was just wondering if these were common symptoms?\n\nThank you all!", "answer": "Never heard of that one before though it's not impossible.  Maybe try taking a pregnancy test just to be sure?  Well.... 2-3 days not the craziest, but definitely if a few more days go by.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6xjdiq", "comment_id": "6xjdiq"}, {"question": "Are flu shots necessary?", "description": "I\u2019ve worked with young children for years and never get sick beyond colds/sore throats. I never get the flu shot because clearly it doesn\u2019t seem I need it. Also I\u2019ve been told it\u2019s a shot in the dark (pun intended) because there are multiple strains of flu and we can\u2019t predict which strain will be most prevalent that year, so the shot might not even protect against the right one. However, most people seem to be getting flu shots and saying it\u2019s important. What do you think? ", "answer": "Not shots are truly necessary. Humans lived for thousands of years without any vaccines. Many also died of diseases that are now preventable.\n\nIt's a calculation. The flu vaccine is less effective than some other vaccines. The flu is more common and easily transmitted than some other infectious diseases for which we routinely get vaccinated. Flu probably won't kill you, but it might; it's definitely miserable. And if you get it, you increase the likelihood that someone else will get it from you.\n\nThere's not a definite answer, but I think the risk-benefit is pretty clear. There's almost no downside to getting the vaccine, and there's a significant reduction in risk of catching the flu even if you're not fully protected. Why not?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9tz1pa", "comment_id": "9tz1pa"}, {"question": "What am I to do if I am a pedophile?", "description": "Please check my post history for more info. No this is not some sick joke.\n\nI'm only 16 but I need a therapist. What am I supposed to do about getting treatment when there is mandated reporting? If I open up to a therapist about this they will have to report me, no? I have never looked at or done anything illegal and I never will, but I don't think that stops me from being reported. Please help", "answer": "AASECT is the organization for sex therapists. You can find someone through there who will be more qualified to deal with this.  If you have acted on the attraction with someone who is a minor (like under the age of 14 while you are over 14) yes that could be reported. If you have not then no it is not reportable unless you state that you have means (access), intent, and a plan to do act on it. If you yourself have been sexually abused as a minor by someone older that person will be reported (not you).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fgujm1", "comment_id": "fgujm1"}, {"question": "Borderline and Narcissist: Relationships", "description": "Has anyone (diagnosed BPD) ever dated someone with narcissistic personality disorder? What was your experience? Not sure I'm completely ready to share my story. But anything you'd like to share on this subject, I'd be happy to listen!", "answer": "I think my ex has narcissistic tendencies, though she claims her father is the straight narcissist. Idk her dad but he probably is. I do know she has no concept of her contribution to our relationship downfall. She didn't take any responsibility for her physical abuse towards me. All of our problems were \"my fault\". Does that count? ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "al1c25", "comment_id": "al1c25"}, {"question": "I can't stop imagining dying a horribly violent death and it gets more and more vivid. Is there any way to get relief from this?", "description": "Hi.  I saw the top post and just want to add that I do see a therapist weekly.  I will bring this up when I next go but in the meantime its another night of no sleep.  I have been afraid of death for a little while but sort of got over it,in the sense that I am trying to embrace living and overall feel better than I have in my life because I have been sober for quite a while.  Maybe related to sobriety I also just cannot stop imagining dying a violent death and it feels imminent.  When I am in an elevator I wait for it to start crashing down, standing at a window on a high floor I imagine myself falling.  I have to say that it goes further than \"imagining\" because I feel the sensation of falling , my heart rate shoots up and my mouth gets dry.  It is getting more and more frequent, consuming my thoughts against my will.  I do not want to engage in this sort of morbid thinking but I don't know how to control it.  I have been a victim of violence and many of my friend have died even though I am in mid-thirties but the last five years or so of my life have been undoubtedly better than the previous 25 so I am at a loss to understand.\n\nAs I mentioned I took note of the top post and will bring this up with my therapist but would really appreciate it if anyone had any input on this/has experienced anything like it or had patients who did.  It is so exhausting and I'm wondering if there is hope for me to deal with it since it feels so out of my control.  Thank you", "answer": "Flash forward EMDR is done where I live to treat this sort of problem.\n\nedit: unless this is more of a panic attack situation in which case I would recommend CO2 exposure therapy.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bupzhh", "comment_id": "bupzhh"}, {"question": "Emailing my husband's therapist", "description": "So, I've been having problems in my marriage. My therapist suggested talking to his therapist (T) in order to make sure T understood what was going on. I guess I should add there's been some sexual abuse in my marriage.\n\nI wrote the letter, and told T I understood he would share it with my husband. What I was not expecting was for him to cc my husband in his reply asking me to share with T, if I'm comfortable, what behaviors and communications I will welcome from my husband. It's like--I thought we were going to talk for a minute, just us, and then you can talk to my husband. I'm not at all comfortable, really.\n\nAnd, reading his reply, it was like a paragraph. I made myself sick writing this, and he's like, \"Thanks for sharing. Can you do some more emotional labor now?\" A simple thanks and a little sympathy would have been better.\n\nIs this normal? Am I just being sensitive?", "answer": "Is it normal for your therapist to encourage you to speak to your husband's therapist about y'all's marriage problems?\n\n\nNot really  and thus none of the other following stuff is normal either.  \n\nI'd say ideally you see a marriage/couple therapist and get appropriate paperwork (releasees of information) signed so that your therapists can speak with one another.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f3s2xg", "comment_id": "f3s2xg"}, {"question": "Making sense of blood test results", "description": "Hi all, and thanks in advance for your help.\n\nI have been having general low mood, low libido, fatigue and a slowing of fat loss and muscle gain (despite progression in weight volumes) and have seen my local GP, who sent me for a range of tests, including hormone checks.\n\nFor context I am a 42 yo Australian (Caucasian) male, 188cm, 118kg (down from 165kg 11 months ago) with slowed muscle growth, low mood and low libido. I exercise 5-6 days a week (weights & cardio) and eat a balanced essentially fresh diet and am on no medication.\n\nI've just got blood test results back and I am struggling to make sense of the figures and my doc's persistence that everything is 'normal'.\n\nAll other tests (glucose, cholesterol, liver function, general bloods etc came back fine). I am interested in my hormone levels and they lab results for these (with reference ranges in brackets) are:\n\n* FSH: 6.2 u / l (1.5-12.4)\n* Testosterone: 10.6 nmol / L (10.0-28.)\n* Calculated Free Testosterone: 213 pmol / L (170-670)\n* SHBG: 30 nmol / L (17-56)\n* Prolactin: 118 mIU / L (85-500)\n\nThe tests were performed using Roche Modular Immunoassay if that helps.\n\nAccording to the reference ranges on the test results my FSH is mid range, Testosterone just above the lowest limit, Calculated Free Test, lower end of the range, SHBG mid range, and Prolactin at the lower end of the range.\n\nNot unlike others with low testosterone symptoms, but within 'normal' ranges, my doc has said that all of these are within range and has suggested diet and exercise may help (not sure how I can improve this realistically) and offered Viagra for the low libido (I'm not looking for an instant erection, I'm looking for a boost to my overall mood & libido).\n\nI will go to another doc to see if I can get a better explanation and assistance, but am asking the combined wisdom of this sub if the levels above are reasonably normal, or if there is room for improvement?\n\nThanks very much!", "answer": "Low mood can also be caused by psychological/psychiatrical conditions. You seem very focussed on a physical explanation for your complaints. If you are abled to keep increasing weights in the gym, then you are getting stronger, which for me indicates there is no problem on the physical side of things. Growing of muscles often comes later and slower than increase in strenght (because of improvement of neurological and architectural muscle function first). Also there is genetic variation and then there is the factor age.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "baenlm", "comment_id": "baenlm"}, {"question": "I told my mom about a girl I liked in my dorm. She proceeded to send flowers to that girl from me. What the hell do I do? UPDATE", "description": "So I thought everyone would like a long term update about me and the girl my mom sent flowers to. \n\nBasically we kept hanging out and talking for the next week, and I kept building my network of wingwomen and men. Three nights ago I was with her in the floor lounge talking, and when she walked out another friend told me she obviously liked me and I should ask her out the next day. Unfortunately I was going home for the weekend that day, so that didn't work. However, yesterday I finally worked up the courage to call her and ask her out.\n\nShe said yes. We're going to get dinner next Friday, and she wanted me to let her know when I got back to school. I proceeded to run around my street and knocked a water bottle off my table and had to clean it up :(\n\nTo everyone who helped me out in the first thread: thank you so much, you helped me so much. Things have turned out well, and I'm so happy. ", "answer": "Now you will never know if you would have been able to pull it off on your own. In a way, your Mom robbed you of the experience of overcoming your own fear and so asserted her dominance over you, perhaps permanently.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "2gwrw9", "comment_id": "2gwrw9"}, {"question": "How much is an allnighter going to compromise my immune system?", "description": "15M, 135lbs. Just what the title asks.", "answer": "Hard to quantify. Can you give some context?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fvz0nj", "comment_id": "fvz0nj"}, {"question": "Are we a \"minority?\"", "description": "In filling out applications, I often check \"other\" under the whole race/ethnicity category, but recently I got to thinking.\n\nCould aspies be considered an \"underrepresented minority,\" just not in terms of race? There are special considerations made for religious minorities (having Kosher food available for Jews, removing religious iconography for atheists) or even lifestyle/gender/sexuality minorities (having vegetarian options at restaurants, having a transgendered restroom available), so could we be considered a minority as well? Maybe sort of a... neurological minority? Mental minority? \n\nJust some food for thought. Discuss!", "answer": "Yes, we are a minority and discrimination against us would be considered ablism.  For example, I am applying for graduate programs, and I am afraid that I may be denied based on my asperger's.  But not disclosing would also be a dilemma.  Mental differences carry a stigma in our society, which causes undue difficulties in addition to those caused directly be our differences. About 1 in 5 Americans has some form of disability.  For most of us, our disability is not visible to the naked eye (like asperger's).  I am rambling now... \n\nTL;DR: yes.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "14gc5e", "comment_id": "14gc5e"}, {"question": "How to socialize better?", "description": "What are some ways I can communicate better in a conversation? I find myself thinking a lot about anything and everything, but I can never seem to form my thoughts properly while speaking in a conversation. It usually happens with girls and/or people I don't know too well, my mind just goes blank and I pretty much turn into a shrugging machine. :P  \nWhen I do form something to talk about however, I find that I end up saying whatever I wanted to say in a different, more unstructured way, and I find that my point does not get across as well as it should have, and I sometimes get called an idiot by people who don't know me too well. People that I'm friends with however, do appreciate what I bring to the table in a conversation, so I might be perceiving this part of the problem to be a lot worse than it actually is. :P  \nAny suggestions or advice on how I can improve the way I talk and express my thoughts?", "answer": "Well, I wrote a [guide to conversation](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) that might help you out :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "u6inl", "comment_id": "u6inl"}, {"question": "What happened to psychs who do therapy?", "description": "I started seeing a psychiatrist a couple of years back, at a major university, and none of the doctors do any sort of therapy. You go in, tell them your symptoms, and they prescribe you all sorts of things that may make you better, may make you worse. They have zero interest in communicating with any therapists, or even ask how therapy is going, just prescribe, prescribe, prescribe. Of the 20 to 30 medications they've had me try, 4 work, and so many of the others caused symptoms that made me feel worse than I ever have. Ironically, the ones that work are all ones I pushed for (their recommendation against these) after researching most successful meds online. They won't give me a prescription for the Klonopin I was on for 9 years (had been prescribed by gp until retirement) that actually worked 'because it's dangerous'. They've had me try meds so dangerous that my brain felt like it was shrinking into itself and I've blacked out repeatedly, had symptoms of severe suicidal ideation, and physical symptoms so bad I couldn't move, yet Klonopin (which worked with no symptoms) is the \"dangerous\" one. I have meds to control the symptoms of the meds that control the symptoms of others... \nI'm furious with them for their complete disregard for my quality of life. It's all about how many expensive meds they can get me hooked on.\nI wish I could find a psych that had more of a full treatment plan, like might be interested in doing therapy AND prescribing. How can psychs possibly know what symptoms need medicating if they have no idea what therapy is working on?\nI know I need meds so going off all isn't an option (Lamictal was life-changing), but I hate all the psychs I've tried and no other type of doctor will prescribe what I need. How do I find a decent doctor?", "answer": "They are out there, but they often are expensive and don\u2019t accept insurance. I\u2019ve had ONE amazing psychiatrist who did 45 minutes with me once a week because I needed it, even though the original plan was to go down to once a month once I was stable (we never changed my meds, I just liked her therapy style in conjunction with my psychologist).  But she cost $400 and I couldn\u2019t afford it once I moved out (I moved home for s year after my dad died and had an internship that didn\u2019t pay), not to mention I switched states. Mine now I trust him as a prescriber but we chat about both our lives for 15 minutes every month. I\u2019d suggest finding s psychologist too. \n\nAs a future psychologist in a phd program, this is one of the main reason we\u2019re fighting for prescription privileges ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7npegg", "comment_id": "7npegg"}, {"question": "advice on problem talking with friends", "description": "Ok, so here's my problem. For some reason I have a lot of anxieties when I talk to my friends. I really don't know what to do but when I talk to complete strangers I don't feel any anxiety or whatever but once I have to make a conversation with one of my friends I just get so anxious and my thoughts start racing. Hopefully someone can give me some words of advice to get over this cause its ridiculous, these are my friends and I'm afraid of talking to them.  ", "answer": "Maybe this article on [overcoming social anxiety](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/foundations/overcoming-social-anxiety) would help?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "114ogf", "comment_id": "114ogf"}, {"question": "Typical VS Atypical antipsychotics", "description": "Hello!  \n\n\nNot sure if this is the right subreddit, but here goes anyway.  \nI'm brushing up on random medical stuff, and I came across antipsychotic medicines. As far as I understand, there are two important groups, namely Typical, or conventional antipsychotics, and Atypical antipsychotics.   \nEverything I read makes the atypical group seem preferable to the typical group, barring allergic reactions and the like.  \n\n\nSo my question is, for what reason are typical antipsychotics used?", "answer": "I have worked in high acuity inpatient settings with SPMI. I am a licensed clinical psychologist and do not prescribe.\n\n\nWhen a second generation/ atypical is not working,  that is a time when first generation/typical is often prescribed. Typical antipsychotics just work better for positive symptoms.  \n\nAlso , first gen are less expensive.  In some settings , like jails , you may see them more .\n\nLike you mentioned,  second gen are safer . Nobody wants tardive dyskinesia (I have seen it , it is awful). However , in high acuity situations,  they may be preferable.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fedntx", "comment_id": "fedntx"}, {"question": "Was diagnosed with schizotypal, its ruining my life. What should I do?", "description": "Recently got married, getting a new job. Can't cope with the stress well, getting really bad sleep lately. I feel out of touch with myself and like nobody really gives a crap about anyone but themselves.\n\nEDIT:\n\nI've been given medicine by psychiatrists, with varying effect. But the sense of anxiety, otherness and rest persists. The \"backseat driver\" or perpetually mocking voice in my head is still there. I know that I need to seek help, and I do not feel 'magical' in any sense of the word. I'm scared of my diagnosis and I just want to be normal, or barring that at least be happy.\n\nPlease send help, cause I'm so crazy it isn't funny...", "answer": "What medication are you taking?\n\n[Personality disorders](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5frang", "comment_id": "5frang"}, {"question": "I [30M] have major depressive disorder (MDD) and ADHD. The treatments I tried for MDD have failed and the data don't seem to support their efficacy. I'm looking for modalities that are scientifically efficacious and supported by data.", "description": "**Tl;dr**\u2014I have MDD and ADHD, treatments for MDD haven\u2019t worked. I decided to look at the scientific data. The data don\u2019t support common dogmas in psychiatry or efficacy of treatment. I\u2019m frustrated and want to get better, what am I missing? Sorry, this post is long.\n\n**PE/Labs:** 30M, Caucasian/Hispanic, 180cm (71\u201d), 83.9kg (185lb), BP 115/77, HR 73, RR 15, afebrile, euthyroid, CBC/CMP/renal/hepatic/neuro normal, urinalysis normal, STI/STD negative\n\n**DX:** MDD, ADHD\n\n**HPC:** Refractory major depressive disorder for 2.5 years, suicidal ideation, inability to function in day-to-day routine, loss of hope/motivation/anhedonia, dropped school, can't get out of bed, difficulties managing household tasks\n\n**PMI:** Dysthmyia since age 8 or 9, ADHD-I diagnosed at 28, no head injuries or TBI, military service right chronic mild CVA pain, previous appendectomy, right inguinal hernia repair, tonsillectomy, military service posterior labral tear right shoulder\u2014mild chronic pain. Hospitalization 2 years ago for suicidal ideation, 8 weeks IOP. No hx CVD\n\n**FH:** Maternal uncle\u2014late onset bipolar at 55 suicide by firearm; maternal cousin 19 ADHD/aneurysm age 7; half-sister 23 ADHD/depression/defiance; half-brother 20 autoimmune disease/depression; mother 51 ADHD/depression/SLE. Paternal status unknown\u2014possible SUD cocaine/other. No fhx thyroid, CVD, renal, hepatic, DM, pituitary/HPA.\n\n**Substance Use:** cannabis oral 10mg 2x week to sleep, no smoking, alcohol 2x month 1-3 drinks, no other usage\n\n**Current meds**: 225mg venlafaxine XR daily, 30mg dexamphetamine XR daily, 600mg lithium carbonate daily, 200mg caffeine daily, occasional 600mg ibuprofen x2 month for back/shoulder, OTC multivitamin daily\n\n**Lifestyle:** not currently exercising, isolation, diet of fastfood/pizza/icecream, eats once or twice per day, little to no social interaction, sexually active w/contraception\n\n​\n\nHey there folks, I\u2019ve been a long-time lurker on various depression and mental health subs. I posted this on other subs but received no feedback so I\u2019m trying it here.\n\n**Central Thesis:** Over the past several months, I have become increasingly frustrated with what feels like a lifetime of ineffective interventions and decided to dig into the academic literature.\n\n**Entire life story and memoir (boring):** I started noticing that I was \u201cdifferent\u201d around the age of 8 or 9. I turned 30 this year and was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder and inattentive ADHD. I\u2019ve tried various pharmacological and psychotherapeutic treatment modalities since the age of 10 without success. Two years ago, I began a PhD program in genetics and a master\u2019s which allowed me to attend preclinical medical school. A few months into my PhD a family member and fatherly figure in my life committed suicide. Shortly thereafter, another family member passed and I found out my wife was engaging in multiple extramarital sexual affairs resulting in the dissolution of my marriage. Since then, I\u2019ve gone through a gauntlet of hospitalizations, medical leave of absences, dropped classes, no progress in my schooling, suicidal ideations, IOP, and a litany of therapeutics. I will soon be trialing rapid bilateral transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) and if that doesn\u2019t work\u2014electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).\n\n**Why I'm slightly more qualified to look at data than a monkey (boring):** My educational background is in biology/chemistry with research in cancer, epidemiology, microbiology, psychiatric genetics, and some bioinformatic methods. I\u2019m currently a 3rd year PhD student in genetics with two years of medical school and one year of PhD studies. I\u2019m not trying to shit in anyone\u2019s oatmeal\u2014so if medications work for you, that is wonderful and I am incredibly envious. If antidepressant medications have not worked for you, maybe you can take some solace in the fact that the scientific data do not seem support their efficacy. This means that you\u2019re not crazy or broken and that there are many others like you to commiserate with. I\u2019m going to be brief with my findings since this is already a long post although I\u2019m happy to elaborate if there are questions.\n\n**Arguments and data:**\n\n1. *There is little evidence that depression is caused by deficiencies in the monoamines serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.* Analyzing cerebrospinal fluid for monoamine metabolites in depressed patients prior to treatment with antidepressants reveals no differences in comparison to euthymic controls. Monoamine receptor density seems to have mixed results, but post-mortem analysis shows no differences versus controls.\n2. *A large meta-analysis aggregating efficacy data on 21 \\[I\u2019ve tried 8 of these\\] antidepressants show statistically significant differences over placebo in randomized double-blind trials. However, while the odds ratios and p-values look great, the average effect size is 0.30 (95% credible interval 0.26\u20130.34).* Empirically derived HAM-D threshold scores suggest at least effect sizes of 0.875 or down 7 points to be even minimally clinically detectable by a clinician on CGI-I (corresponding to a rating of \u201cminimal improvement\u201d). This means that while statistical differences are detected, they don\u2019t seem to translate into clinically meaningful results for the patient. This also doesn\u2019t necessarily account for the phenomenology of the patient\u2014which is ultimately the goal of treatment.\n3. *Depression prognosis\u2014especially MDD\u2014is poor even with treatment. In a 6-year follow up study of 903 patients with MDD, only 17% were in a recovery phase.* Most data suggest acute symptom relief with pharmacological treatment but that depression over long periods of treatment gets worse. This is thought to be mediated by tachyphylaxis of monoamine receptors in response to antidepressants like SSRIs. The data also suggest relapse, recurrence, chronicity, and severity increase with medication usage.\n\n**Thoughts and conclusions (boring):** I was surprised with these findings because it seems almost opposite of what I\u2019m told by my pdocs and therapists over the years. While the data are depressing, it was gratifying to see that my personal experiences parallel the data. I\u2019m currently looking at the psychotherapeutics I\u2019ve tried as well. CBT, DBT, art therapy, talk therapy, group therapy, yoga, and meditation/mindfulness. It looks like meditation/mindfulness and exercise have the largest effect sizes with ECT being the most efficacious of all treatments I\u2019ve looked at. TMS is on par with medication. I\u2019m also considering ketamine and psychedelics.\n\n**Looking for help:** Anyways, I\u2019m trying to put together a psychosocial framework for my depression as I\u2019m very skeptical of the treatments I have tried. *Am I missing something here? Do the treatment modalities for MDD just suck? What works for you/your patient?*", "answer": "Depression is not a monoamine deficiency, but it seems to improve with medications that modulate monoamines. There's no good mechanistic explanation, just empirical data.\n\nThe Cipriani study you're citing has produced excessive coverage. I think you're confusing different effect size scorings, though\u2014A size of 0.2 is small, 0.5 is medium, and 0.8 is large. I don't know where you got 0.875 from, but that would be a huge effect. One wrinkle is that the responses are evaluated against placebo, and placebos produce large effects in depression research. The problem isn't that treatments don't work, largely, but that sham treatment also works much of the time, so it's not whatever antidepressants do that has most of the effect, just a small amount of effect.\n\nResponses are also very heterogeneous. It's not that Prozac helps people only a tiny bit, it's probably that Prozac helps a some people a lot, some people a little, and some people not at all. Figuring out who benefits from what is a billion-dollar question in psychiatry that hasn't been satisfactorily answered.\n\nFinally, the RCT evidence for long-term use of antidepressants is scant because nobody funds long-term RCTs, but the observational data shows that relapse rates are lower with continued antidepressant use and there's a very recent, decently sized RCT to back it up: [DeRubeis et al in JAMA Psychiatry)](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2756320).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e9t6vw", "comment_id": "e9t6vw"}, {"question": "When did you realize your marriage was over? Does it get easier?", "description": "Met my husband less than 3 years ago, we've been married 2 years... so yes, we only dated for about 9 months before we got married. We are both in our late 20s. \n\nDoes marriage get easier? Past 2 years have been hard on me and I'm just not sure if this is what I want. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "answer": "see a marriage counselor before ending it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "673wqt", "comment_id": "673wqt"}, {"question": "Part of me wants to stop, but I can't see it happening.", "description": "I am not a happy camper.\n\nI'm 16, don't automatically dismiss what I'm saying because of it please. It may be worth noting that I have Asperger's, Clinical Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder. None of those are self-diagnosed. I started doing drugs about a year and a half ago. August or September of 2012.\n\nIn the summer of 2012 I changed my religious beliefs. I was once in a Christian religion that prohibited the use of recreational drugs, and I never questioned *why* they did. But that summer I became agnostic, and one day shortly thereafter I discovered /r/drugs. I started reading the AMA's and shit and I realized \"I don't have to follow my religion's rules anymore, I can actually experiment with these substances\".\n\nBut I live in a suburb in Georgia right outside of Metro Atlanta. Ain't no drugs here. Everybody at my school smokes weed, and there's MDMA all over the place (but I can't try it because Zoloft), I've heard there's a fair amount of LSD around here, but I've never been able to get a connect.\n\nI found out that a drug my parents take for their Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS), gabapentin (Neurontin), can be used recreationally. The recommended dose for their RLS is 300mg, but I tried taking 1200mg and it was wonderful. That was my first drug experience.\n\nThen I tried Valium. Then my mom got a script for Percocet after her surgery and she never used them, so I did. I just told her I sold them instead of telling her I got high off of them. This was around December '12/January '13. I was also still abusing the gabapentin occasionally then.\n\nI eventually got to try some other stuff. Fioricet didn't do anything but make me sleepy, but Fioricet with Codeine was excellent. Promethazine wasn't all too good for much, but I enjoyed the heavily sedating feeling of it (and of the recommended doses of DPH). I tried temazepam a few times, didn't really like it. One time I took 45 mg of temazepam, drunk a Jack and Coke, huffed some nail polish remover, went over to this house my sister was house sitting at. She showed me all of the homeowner's liquor. I did a shot of Irish whiskey (HOT LIKE FIYAH) and downed two miniature bottles of gin. I barely felt anything.\n\nI eventually started abusing the gabapentin more regularly, three or four times a week, sometimes more rarely less. I tried meth. It was awesome, it was like I was king for a day. I had so much energy, I was so happy, I was so confident. My mouth was dry as fuck though. I actually did my work that day, and I never do my work at school. I felt so in control. Came down on the school bus on the way home. It may have been the worst I have ever felt. Strong nausea, very bad headache, mild somnolence, anger. I felt this gigantic desire to do more and experience that feeling again. It was kind of scary. That was on December 2, 2013 and I haven't touched the stuff since.\n\nI also started smoking cigarettes, but quit about three months later. I started smoking marijuana fairly regularly, but I haven't smoked any in about a month now.\n\nI started using DPH, Benadryl, for it's high-dose-dependent delirious qualities that I found rather desirable. I've been using it a lot ever since I first tried it. I love it. I'm on it right now, but I'm kind of coming down I guess you could say. I've come down enough to where I can actually read and type, and I'm not seeing any bugs, but I still have a little of the internal feeling DPH gives me left. My dose is around 600mg. It makes me feel like I assume PCP makes people feel. Staggering drunk, like I weigh a thousand pounds, I can't walk right. If I stare at a spot on the carpet too long it becomes a spider. I feel the dissociation that most people get from PCP or ketamine. I see colorless patterns on everything. Inanimate objects look like their breathing. I can see all kinds of colors when I close my eyes. All text is blurry. (This is what the peak of the trip is like). It lasts the whole day long. I absolutely love it.\n\nI can't imagine not getting high every other day. That's like...the main thing I look forward to in life. I would really like to make drugs a more occasional thing. But I don't know how to. Part of me wants to stop, part of me wants to keep using, and I'm not sure which part is stronger. What can I do?\n\nPS: Yeah, I know, DPH is *such* a high school drug. How cliche of me. But I really love the feeling it gives me, and it's way more accessible then DMT or heroin or all the other things I can't get my hands on. Also, I'm no longer Agnostic, just someone who believes in God and the Bible.", "answer": "I got sober at 17 years old. It's possible. You don't have to come here and qualify yourself with every drug you've ever experienced. I guarantee you everyone here has done at least one of things you did once. The thing is that's not what counts here, what counts is the action you're taking to make a change.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1xr9sz", "comment_id": "1xr9sz"}, {"question": "Am I actually going crazy? Help please! (anxiety, other issues??)", "description": "So for the past few days ive been suffering with something thats left me with a lot of brain fog/memory issues when hungry. I get dizzy, fatigued, and lethargic unless I eat, and even after eating the problem is still not 100% gone. It has actually been improving over the past few days but last night was bizzare. When I woke up i was subconsciously rubbing my stomach and then after my eyes had opened, i had my hand in a position like I would hold my phone above my face. Please help, is this a form of sleepwalking or something? Or am i facing severe anxiety because ive been freaking out about my health issues. Also, everything feels weird right now, everything's like a daze and even though I can remember events etc. clearly I cant specifically point out things I did and when over the past few days. Thanks.", "answer": "I don't know what's going on, but I note your daily posts about your health. Whatever it is will only be reassured by getting a face to face consultation than from us on Reddit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xpcb7", "comment_id": "4xpcb7"}, {"question": "An addict will think of everything else in their lives as a cause to their problems before they think what they're addicted to might be the root of it", "description": "I remember reading the title of this post one day and laughed thinking that it only applied to alcoholics etc. Today I'm quitting, I applied this quote to my own life and realized the dependency I had on bud and how it was potentially effecting my life. With a relationship lost in part due to pot I'm deciding enough is enough. I've quit before, but never for more than half a year or so. This time I mean to leave it behind me for good, if not for anything else than it now bores me. When you're high it's hard to really focus on doing anything for an extended amount of time and when you're sober all you want is to get high. \n\nIt's a shame really because I think pot has genuine positive effects to it, however I realize that in and for whatever reason my brain chemistry is affected to the point of almost a non sequitur. Meaning when pot is available to smoke, I'm gonna smoke it. I don't have the self control to take extended breaks or not use it when it's available so I need to leave it behind all or nothing. Wish me luck. \n\nSorry for the messiness this is my first post here. ", "answer": "The addict is most likely correct, the drugs are a symptom not the problem. Self medicating is more the issue ", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "63f34e", "comment_id": "63f34e"}, {"question": "What do you do to help ease your anxiety ?", "description": "So ive just found out I have \"severe\" anxiety which doesn't really surprise me as I knew there had to be a reason my mind and body was all over the shop.\n\nWhat methods do you use to essentially \"turn off\" ?\n\nDo you meditate ? Do Yoga ? Take medication ? How do you cope ? ", "answer": "Play guitar and sing.... loudly.  ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "95ca0v", "comment_id": "95ca0v"}, {"question": "How can I stop being such a failure in life? Someone told me that I should go see my doctor since I might need to be get ADHD treated... Suggestions?", "description": "I know deep inside what I need to do. I never do it though. Its recursive.\n\n1/20 times I do something I actually plow through the work. (I'm talking about academics) Now the challenge is to get myself to do things right those 19/20 times!\n\nI went through a denial phase when I realized that I have to take a course again after getting a straight F in it. I was like \"maybe I should just switch out of ECE.\"\n\nI'm taking it again this semester and got my first test back. I got a mid B on it. I'm disappointed. I need an A in this class to offset that failure that I had last semester.\n\nAnd its not like I got only a B while doing 100s of other productive things in life.\n\nI just have my sorry ass at home wasting my time on the internet. Its compulsive as fuck.\n\nI recently quit video gaming. But I realized that the time I waste gaming is spent doing other stupid shit. Like going online, having a super elaborate meal, etc.\n\nAnd its not just being a bad test taker. Its not like I'm working on some incredible personal projects either like some of my more successful peers have.\n\nI've always failed in life. Throughout middle school, high school, etc. I didn't even get into this school initially. I had to go to my backup school and transfer here which I even think I was a bit lucky.\n\nI really don't know how I can fix my compulsive habit of wasting time.\n\nPeople in some of my classes when I am in group study sessions always tell me in a non joking matter that I should really see a doctor since when I really do something and get my mind to it I do it well. But these situations are very rare for me. I keep walking around the room randomly and just don't focus.\n\nPlease. I'm really tired of being a failure. I am unable to master a skill or do anything...", "answer": "Honestly, not sure if its ADHD. Sounds more like demotivation and the fact that theres a million other pleasurable things you can do instead of your studies. Still, if you're concerned, go see a doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vdx0k", "comment_id": "5vdx0k"}, {"question": "Anyone else co-diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar II?", "description": "That's what I got after I was hospitalized in the psych ward for a suicide attempt. The symptoms seem so similar I'm not sure how the psychiatrist and therapist could tell them apart. The mood stabilizers for the bipolar seem to be helping, but apparently there's no drug approved for BPD specifically", "answer": "I think there is a misconception that BPD is a specific disorder like depression. Since it is a collection or constellation of symptoms that appear to fit BPD more than other disorders it often is diagnosed along with other disorders that also fit that group of symptoms. We see depression, bipolar, bipolar II, PTSD (itself a constellation disorder), and phobias as well as substance use disorders mixed in with BPD. It seems that 99% of people diagnosed with BPD have previously been diagnosed with at least one of these. \n\nThis, and other reasons are why BPD is really a disorder of impact more than symptoms and is often only diagnosed after treatment for these other symptoms have not worked out. \n\nProfessionally I don't believe BPD is a correct diagnosis ever (born from my validating, radical feminist and neurological training) but rather a way to understand and predict a set of very natural reactions to very unnatural emotional situations often brought on by childhood trauma or emotional invalidation. \n\ntl/dr : everyone with BPD could get a bipolar Dx and many do. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "6m5ler", "comment_id": "6m5ler"}, {"question": "Big Book scaring me away from the program/Has anyone achieved lasting sobriety thru Smart Recovery?", "description": "I've been going to AA meetings for 36 days now. I'm going to meetings every day, I got a sponsor, I'm sharing at meetings and reaching out to people for a support network after meetings. In short, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, short of doing service, which I assumed would come a little later. I'm even reading The Big Book, on my sponsor's advice. Anyway, to keep this from becoming a wall of text, I'm having the following issues, and I'd really like you guys to weigh in on them:\n\n*I felt from day 1 that the program wasn't for me. I kept going because I didn't want to go back to my old life, but I felt like I didn't belong.\n\n*Reading the big book has confirmed this. I'm only 5 chapters in, and I'm already either unable to relate, offended, or disgusted with most of what I've read. (I was more of a marijuana addict with occasional alcoholic tendencies - can't relate at all to the alcoholic they're describing in this book) \n\n*I'm curious if anyone here has achieved lasting and meaningful sobriety by going to Smart Recovery meetings. \n\nNow for the mini wall of text, elaborating on item 2, about the Big Book, if you care to read:\n\nThis book has made it clear to me that this program is no place for atheists, or those who know for a fact that they won't have a \"spiritual awakening\". The chapter 'To The Agnostic' was highly offensive to me. The jist of the chapter is \"it's cool if you're an atheist, but you'll never get sober unless you start believing in some benevolent force that intervenes in human affairs, period\". I find that to be insulting to my intelligence, rigid, and obtuse. \n\nIt's not that I don't believe in a higher power; I believe that tornadoes and hurricanes, and gravity are more powerful than I am; I just don't believe that they have anything to do with my sobriety or ability to recover or improve as a human being. To be succinct, I don't, and never will believe in a higher power that can actually do anything for me at all. They say \"Treat the group as a higher power\" but I really don't think that's what the authors of this book intended from what I'm getting from the text.\n\nThey also say \"Take what works for you and leave the rest\" - I also think that's contradicted in the text, which basically states that you have to do it the \"right way\" or it won't work. I could look for actual quotes, but anyone who's read the big book knows that by chapter 4 or 5, the general message is that you MUST believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life, and if you can't, then you're constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself. For me, it's the total opposite: for me to even acknowledge the possibility of such a divine force that will \"remove my defects of character\" would be the very definition of being dishonest with myself. I think that whole notion is absurd. \n\nI'm going to fire my sponsor because I don't think he understands me, or has the flexibility to tailor my program to my beliefs. I'm going to a meeting tonight where I'll voice all these concerns, and after the meeting I'm hanging with a friend I made in the program who does understand me, and I'll share this with him too. \n\nI think I'm pretty much done with this program, and I'm definitely done with the Big Book, which reads like a religious text and causes me to roll my eyes so much that I'm getting headaches. \n\nDoes Smart Recovery work? AA would have you believe that they're the only gig in town, but that can't be true. Has anyone here not only stayed sober, but found themselves capable of personal growth previously thought impossible, through Smart Recovery? I don't want to just be dry; I want to grow as a human being, become better. Is AA the only way to achieve this? I sure hope not. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. ", "answer": ">you MUST believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life\n\nMUST be WILLING to believe in a benevolent force that can and will intercede in your life. \n\nThat's a small differentiation that I felt I should point out. It doesn't say not being able to believe in a higher power make you constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself. You're kinda taking pieces of the book and throwing them together in a skewed manner. \n\nOne passage in We Agnostics that speaks to me for this situation is, \"Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasonable prejudice. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. This thinking had to be abandoned. \n\nThis is all speaking to the ability to be willing to believe in a power greater than ourselves that is ours and ours alone. The way I see it, is that the existence of everything is so vast that there is no way to understand it all, and my belief is that some thing, not a supreme being, not an AA group, no concept that can be grasped by the human mind, does understand it and that is a power greater than myself. In We Agnostics they state that when they speak of God they speak of your conception of God. Their intentions are unknown to anyone, but people have been able to stay sober using AA as a higher power so it really doesn't matter what Bill and Bob's intentions were. If it works for you do it. \n\nThe program of AA is about being willing to go to ANY lengths to be removed of alcoholism. If you find you can't go to any length, then the program may not be for you. \n\nAll that being said, if you can't read the book without seeing it as a religious text, the program is probably not for you. That is exactly why programs like SMART exist, I'm sure there are people with significant time in sobriety from attending SMART. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1fqba2", "comment_id": "1fqba2"}, {"question": "Should I get my heart murmur checked out again?", "description": "When I was born, I had a couple of small holes in my heart. I think all but one closed up. I was being put on Lithium and had to get my heart checked to make sure I was healthy enough. Well the doctor read the ekg wrong and send me to a cardiologist. He did an ultrasound and found that I had a small hole with a murmur, and it wasn't serious so I didn't need to worry. \n\nI think I was 11 or 12 years old, and now I'm 16. I get a lot of chest pain and some trouble breathing. Occasionally I just get sharp chest pains that get worse when I inhale, but it eventually goes away.\n\nSo my questions; \nDo you think I even have the murmur and/or hole? If it didn't close up in 12 years, will it never? \nShould I get it checked out, or is it fine?\n\n(Female, 16, 5'1\", 180lb, (I know my weight could be a factor, but does that cause the chest pain?)", "answer": "When was your last EKG/ECG? If you're on lithium you should be having it done at least annually.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lqfsh", "comment_id": "5lqfsh"}, {"question": "Rejection Sensitive Disphoria and ADHD question (advice needed)", "description": "I don't know where to post this.\nSo i am currently on a trip with some friends and they posted an all together picture earlier (on social media) without me in it because i was over 1 hour late due to car problems.\nNow my rsd is going of the charts and im starting to hyperfocus on that thing only and not the current awesome experience we are having. My mind screams confront them about it but my heart says no.\nWhat should i do?\nI am still in the process of getting treatment for ADHD.", "answer": "I have experienced some intense RSD moments and it is super uncomfortable. It sounds like these friends mean alot to you and you mean alot to them (otherwise they wouldn't have invited you I assume). Only you can make the choice of whether to confront but before you do ask yourself what is the emotion behind the RSD trying to convince me?    \n", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "80qlte", "comment_id": "80qlte"}, {"question": "Problem hurting people", "description": "I\u2019ve got difficulty choosing what to say. I can turn off and decide to be super reserved and only say things that are super safe or turn of the locks and let it all out. I feel shit when I don\u2019t say anything at all but feel even worse when I say things that hurt people (and it\u2019s usually the people I love I end up hurting). I\u2019m not saying something too hurt them but a little part of me knows that it\u2019s going to hurt but I still say it anyway. I just go ahead and say it and hate myself for saying it. \n\nIs there anything I can do? I really don\u2019t like stims but if they can help then I\u2019d consider them.\n\n\nEdit - sorry about the shitty grammar and sentence structure", "answer": "Learn to use \"I\" statements. Instead of attacking the other person or saying something sarcastic, simply explain how you feel (I'm angry, upset, frustrated, etc.) and what happened to make you feel that way.\n\nAnother useful tool is DEAR MAN:\n\nDESCRIBE the event that upset you, in a factual and neutral way.\nEXPRESS how you feel.\nASSERT what you want (an apology, change in behavior, etc.)\nREINFORCE (reward) the behavior you are asking for (examples: \"Thank you for hearing me out,\" \"I value our friendship and I want to work this out\").\nBe MINDFUL - don't get sidetracked from your main message (a tough one for us!).\nAPPEAR confident.\nNEGOTIATE.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9biurh", "comment_id": "9biurh"}, {"question": "Losing stuff?", "description": "Hi all. I'm new here. I'm 28(f) and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in high school. I'm currently not on medication and havent been since high school. I honestly believe my ADHD has lead me to self medicate and eventually snowballed in to my addiction. Along with other issues, but anyways I'm not medicated. \n\nSo i deal with the symptoms day to day and have been considering trying to get back on medication for the last year or so. Anyways...I lose shit....all. the. Time. Always. And nobody understands it. I don't understand it. Like shit, again? How? Didn't you JUST lose it? \n\nWell more recently I lost my kids daycare card. Basically it's like credit card that you swipe in every day during check out/check in. It's how the daycare gets paid. \n\nSo I lost it last week and felt horrible about it bc I also hate confrontation & didn't want to tell the daycare administrator. After I told her she said it was no big deal but that I just need to let her know. Ok great. So my new card comes in Thursday and I'm excited and I happily let them now Friday morning when I drop the kids off that I have the card again. Friday morning after dropping of the kids, I get home and a few hours in I realize the card is gone, AGAIN. I've been beyond stressed about this. Having to tell them I lost it again after one day? They're gonna think I'm crazy. And even worse, while I was looking everywhere I found the OLD card I had originally lost \ud83d\ude44 \n\nSo I'm sitting here procrastinating having to call and reorder the card bc I'm embarrassed. Also thinking how does this keep happening? It doesn't matter if I tell myself \"PUT IT HERE EVERY TIME\" I will a couple times but at some point when I'm here, but not here mentally, you know that ADHD thing, it will vanish. I'm over it. \n\nDoes anyone else deal with this and does anyone have any suggestions? I know medication is something I need to consider. But without insurance, it's a little hard.", "answer": "Happens to me all the time.  It happens a lot less since I started taking meds, but still happens.  \n\nI lost my monthly transpass (card I use to take the train/busses in my city) Luckily there was only a week left in the month so it wasn't too costly.  There's been times a few years back I'd lose my monthly one week into the month.... that really sucks.  \n\n\nJust last night, it seems my Vape fell out of my pocket during my Uber ride and I was so caught up in playing games on my phone I didn't realize.  Lost and Found for Uber is $15, my vape costs me only a little over $20, so I'm just getting a new one.  \n\n\nA few days ago I left my debit card on the counter at a Dunkin Donuts in the morning when I got distracted.  Thankfully, they had it when I realized and went back at the end of my work day.  \nThose are just a few examples of things that regularly occur in my ADHD life.  \n\n\nI really hate this aspect of myself.  I imagine part of it is a manifestation of my ADHD and part of it is just my general aloofness.  Either way, I try to just accept it my \"ADHD tax\" whether it ends up costing me financially or otherwise.  I'm always trying to get better, but beating myself up too bad isn't going to help anything.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "brbm3a", "comment_id": "brbm3a"}, {"question": "Brother has trouble sleeping, doctor's aren't offering much support.", "description": "Hi lovely people of reddit. My brother (20) has had trouble sleeping for around a year and a half. It started when he became unemployed for a long period of time, he was temporarily using cannabis to get him to sleep but he has very recently stopped smoking it which was the best thing that could ever happen to him. But, he's panicking because the doctors had prescribed him Zopiclone 3.75mg about 5 months ago when he started working again and are now saying they won't prescribe him any more after his last dose, which is tonight. I know him, he won't take much persuading to start smoking weed again and this is a very strong push towards that solution. What can he do? He says that his doctor is very abrupt with him and isn't the most kind/open doctor so he doesn't feel like he can talk to him about this stuff. \n\nI've suggested going to a different doctor surgery (there's one right up the road) or asking to see a different doctor. However I don't know if the reason why they won't give him more is because the drug is dangerous or any other valid reason, if that is the case what are his alternatives? \n\nAny help would be amazing, so thanks in advance!", "answer": "Since becoming unemployed, what does he do during the day?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "626vt5", "comment_id": "626vt5"}, {"question": "25F what the hell is wrong with me (gray feet, crazy rashes, always tired...) [pics]", "description": "Stats at the bottom of this post. (This is a re-post that I also wrote on /r/DiagnoseMe, I didn't know this sub existed until just now.)\n\nThere's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. It's been getting steadily worse over the past seven years or so. I'm exhausted all the time, shaky all the time, and just generally feel like my body is falling apart. I don't even know what symptoms are relevant anymore, so I'll just start with my crazy feet.\n\n**Gray feet**\n\nMy feet turn gray. I assume that they always have, but I didn't really notice it until people started pointing it out to me as a teen. My big toe on my right foot is getting steadily more difficult to bend (since about a year ago, and the joint is very painful (the upper joint in the middle of the toe, not the joint connecting to the foot). I'm also now starting to loose some sensation in my right pinkie toe.\n\nHere are some gross feet pics: [https://imgur.com/a/ljepNHr](https://imgur.com/a/ljepNHr)\n\nIn addition, I get really crazy bright red patches over my lower legs and knees after a shower. I need to take pictures of those, because I just thought it was normal and haven't thought to take pics yet.\n\n**Re-occurrent back rash**\n\nThere's more - I have this crazy rash all over my back that always grows back. I've gotten it for as long as I remember, but it's never been this bad before. In my childhood it would go away on it's own and just be a few spots - but now, it will not go away on its own and will spread to the front of my torso, too. It will go away with clotrimazole cream, but will eventually come back. I get it a few times a year.\n\nPics of back rash (the horizontal lines are from sheet marks from a nap, plz ignore): [https://imgur.com/a/jmyNWBk](https://imgur.com/a/jmyNWBk)\n\n**My stats are:**\n\n25F\n\n5', 165lbs\n\nWhite\n\nUSA\n\nDrink casually, probably around five drinks a month or so.\n\nCurrent meds: Effexor XR (225mg), Adderall XR (20mg, once per day)\n\n**More stuff I feel that may or may not be relevant:**\n\n\\- SO TIRED. I'm so fatigued all the time. No matter how much I sleep.\n\n\\- Really, really shaky. It's been getting worse over the past five years or so. Some days it's so bad that I can't even do my eyeliner. I almost always have a tremor in my hands, or in my legs when I'm sitting down or walking up/down stairs.\n\n\\- I feel like I'm \"drunk\" in the mornings, regardless of how long I've slept, and it lasts a few hours.\n\n\\- I bruise incredibly easy and am always covered with bruises.\n\n\\- I have been getting SEVERE night sweats. It has been getting steadily worse for the past four years. I wake up drenched - every night.\n\n\\- I have a history of incredibly weird mouth problems. I had trench mouth once, and a rare abscess another time. Lots of painful canker sores. My teeth are also slowly eroding - I already had a root canal in the back and I feel the holes in my teeth. My dental hygiene is good.\n\n\\- I get lots of skin rashes and hives and just general weird discoloration. A seatbelt can cause a red mark that will last all day. If I cry, my chest gets red and blotchy. My neck will get randomly weird red \"rashy\" spots throughout the day. I'll occasionally have episodes where my face gets really hot and red/blotchy and swollen out of nowhere. Got some weird acne-looking rashes on my cheeks.\n\n\\- I get migraines frequently. Horrible ones that last days.\n\n\\- Over the past few years, my heartbeat has started absolutely POUNDING. I can really feel it, it's so distracting. Often when I'm doing absolutely nothing. I can see my heart rate in my belly and chest. It's aggressive.\n\n\\- Weird episodes that I thought were \"low blood sugar\" but I don't even know anymore. Get them once every couple of months. Out of nowhere, I get soo sooo shaky and cold sweats and nauseous and dizzy and vertigo-y and have to lay down. Lasts about 20-30 ish minutes. Have gotten them since I was a teenager.\n\n\\- When I'm sick, I'm sick for a LONG time. Got the flu at the beginning of this year and it lasted three and a half weeks. I'm still a bit sniffly but soo glad that it's finally over.\n\n\\- I sweat A LOT. And am easily overheated. I like my house below 68 degrees, I can't handle anything higher.\n\n\\- I get out of breath doing simple things. I used to run three miles every day, but now running makes me feel like my lungs are going to pop out of my chest and like I'm drowning in mucus.\n\nEDIT TO ADD:\n\n\\- I also have a lump on my leg underneath my butt that's been there for about five years. Used to be the size of a pinprick, now  is about the size of a dime or nickel. I know, I'm the grossest human being alive. A few GPs have looked at it at various stages and say it's just a sebaceous cyst and to leave it alone unless it gives me trouble. It's gotten big and uncomfortable enough that I'm going to remove it, tho.\n\n**Some additional info:**\n\n\\- All of my test results have come back normal. Been tested for thyroid stuff and autoimmune, had a CBC (?) panel, nothing out of the usual. I can find the actual test results if anyone would like to look closer.\n\n\\- I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, as well as ADHD. I take Effexor XR for that and Adderall XR. Honestly? I have no idea what's what any more, because everything feels so intermingled. Probably have ADHD tho because Adderall doesn't really affect me, besides a slight increase in productivity over a period of time.\n\n\\----\n\nPlease, if anyone can help me. I am at the end of my rope. My body feels like it's falling apart and I don't know what to do anymore. I had to leave my job last year because physically going to the office everyday was too much for me. I get out of breath doing simple things, like the laundry. I've always been really active so this is so so so frustrating and my weight has slowly gone up as I've been unable to do stuff. If anyone may know what this is or what type of doctor I should go to or what to do, I really would appreciate it. I'm so tired of being tired and weak and shaky and rashy and bruising and sweaty and in pain.", "answer": "Sounds like you may have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "eujz3w", "comment_id": "eujz3w"}, {"question": "Lurker for ages finally taking the plung", "description": "Hi \ud83d\udc4b Ive lurked for a while looking at inspirational posts wishing that was me writing that if not drank for a year...well I\u2019m finally going to take charge of my life and stop being a slave to addiction. \nShort intro, I\u2019m a mum of three gorgeous boys one of which isn\u2019t a year old. I didn\u2019t drink a drop during pregnancy but once I had him - boom \ud83d\udca5 I stupidly had that first drink thinking I will be able to moderate now. A mistake we have all made I\u2019m guessing. \nI now drink pretty much every evening, amount vary\u2019s could be a glass of wine/bottle, bottle plus spirits on weekends. \nHowever I remember how great I felt whilst being pregnant, how my shocking memory improved, how I dealt with stress, the amazing sleep, the general feeling of proper happiness! \nDetermined to get that back...hopefully with the help of you guys to get me through the rough times. I know I can do it and have the drive to see it through so let\u2019s do this! \nEek scared and excited at the same time", "answer": "Hi. Sorry re delay. I am delighted and its getting easier. Still the usual cravings but much less at the front of my mind. Things better with family life too. Hopefully they will stay like that!! How are u getting on now? What are u doing to replace the booze? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8m0esx", "comment_id": "8m0esx"}, {"question": "[24/m] I made some massive mistakes and may have pushed away my best friend and girlfriend [20/f]", "description": "We met a couple years back. I didn't think anything of it at the time. You meet new people all the time in college, right? Anyway, we talked and chatted for a while, and things just CLICKED. I'm a very introverted person and have trouble talking to other people, but with her she just made me feel so comfortable while talking. It was amazing.\n\nIt wasn't long before we became close. Friends, then best friends, then something more. We became essentially inseparable. The only issue is that our relationship has been long distance because she's in college in another state working towards becoming a vet. Neither of us cared too much, though. We made things work. We were happy to have each other despite the distance. We made it work just fine for a couple years, after all.\n\nAnyway, I'd say the trouble began this past May (2016) when I graduated. Unfortunately I couldn't find any work. What I ended up doing that summer was working for my parents, but unfortunately even that didn't last and by the end of August there was no more work left to do. During this time there'd be points where my gf would get super busy with work and college. She works plenty because she comes from a big family and unfortunately doesn't get much help from her parents as a result. We'd talk less because of this, and admittedly I felt bad at point and told her I missed her, but overall things got better and we continued on with our lives.\n\nIt wasn't until just after Thanksgiving a couple months ago where I think things started going downhill. She was busier than ever with finals, work, and her family was being very demanding of her. And of course I understand this and understand why she was gone so long, but I still couldn't help but miss her. I think she didn't like me saying \"I miss you\" though because I THINK it made her feel bad for not being there for me when I wanted her to be.\n\nIt was a bad combination, though. By December I was getting depressed. I always seem to get an end of year depression for some reason. On top of that, I have been cooped up for such a long time without and work that it was making things worse. I was also isolating myself from all my old friends and classmates due to harassment of my work situation. All that, plus how busy my gf was, was just a recipe for disaster. \n\nI got really awful the last fewweeks of December. I wouldn't hear anything from her for days, up to even a week. No text. No phone call. No Snapchat. No Skype. And with all these depressing thoughts taking me over, I basically broke down and, for a lack of a better term, became clingy towards her. I kept bugging her with texts, snaps, and phone calls. And when she wouldn't answer or respond to any of them, I got worse and worse.\n\nI'm not going to deny that I was completely in the wrong here. If I had better hold on my depression, showed her the respect she deserved, and was patient until her life let up a little, then things would've turned out better than they did. \n\nAbout a week into 2017, I was starting to feel a little bit better, but it was far too little far too late. She contacted me on the 6th telling me that she loves and cares about me very much, but we should just stay friends because our lives were in different places.\n\nI can't tell you how deeply I regret my actions and I wish that I could've stopped myself from doing what I did last month. When I started reflecting on what I did and looking back, my eyes went wide. I didn't realize just how AWFUL I was being to her. And I hate I didn't see it while it was happening. She deserved so much better than that.\n\nThose first couple days were definitely the darkest in all my life. The days seemed to triple in length. I kept waking up early, unable to fall back asleep. I've completely lost interest in playing video games. For about a week my appetite was basically zero. I was a mess.\n\nSince then, however, I've started making changes. I've reached out to my old friends and they've been an absolute godsend. They've offered so much support and advice and it's been great. I've taken my job hunt so much more seriously. In fact, I'm expecting a phone call today where I might or might not get a job offer. It's not in the location I want, but I need to get over that fear and get out there.\n\nI hate how not only did I ruin an incredible relationship, but I also damaged a friendship that I cherished above all else. I hope everyday that we'll be able to rebuild our friendship. Anyway, do you guys have any thoughts?\n\n**tl;dr** I might have ruined my relationship with my best friend in the whole world because I was being too clingy. I'm attempting to make changes to improve and I'm hoping at the very least I rebuild our friendship.", "answer": "just respond to her cues and you'll be fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q502q", "comment_id": "5q502q"}, {"question": "How should I ask my therapist for my diagnosis?", "description": "I want to bring it up at our next session, but don\u2019t know how to broach the subject.", "answer": "I would say, I'm curious what diagnosis you have for me? \n\nAre you paying with insurance? Because many therapists actually are very hesitant to formally diagnose clients. However, when using insurance it is required in order to get paid.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d3licd", "comment_id": "d3licd"}, {"question": "Why did I pass out after peeing?", "description": "This happened a few years ago when I was probably 15 or 16, 5'8, and around 155 lbs, no medical conditions, no medications. I am female. So I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (which was kind of painful in my bladder for some reason), when I was done I started to feel very, very nauseous and I felt like I was losing my hearing (sound was muffled and I think my ears were ringing, but not sure about that part). I walked to my parents' room to tell them and started walking back to my room, but I lost consciousness three or four times (according to my dad) and ended up on the floor. This has only happened this one time, but I just don't know why.\nSorry, I have just always wanted to know why this happened! If anyone has an idea that would be appreciated. Thank you!", "answer": "There's a term for this: micturation syncope. (That's fancy medical words for urination fainting.) We don't really know why it happens, but you're not alone in having this odd experience.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bwh1q", "comment_id": "8bwh1q"}, {"question": "My grandfather is tripping balls", "description": "My grandfather, 99 years old, reported to the hospital Saturday with pneumonia. And it was weird. His second or third day there was shockingly lucid. He's normally very lucid. Like, he'll know who I am, recognize me, be excited to see me, but not really engage me in conversation. A little distant. It's been like this for the last couple years.\n\nBut that day at the hospital, he knew who I was and telling me stories, reliving these experiences that we shared (and a few we didn't). He was watching the news (which he normally does with a religious obsession).\n\nNext day though, he got a little more out of it and yesterday was really delirious, hallucinating like crazy. Figuring that the disorientation of being in the hospital was the cause and since his lungs were mostly cleared up, we took him home.\n\nAnd for a little while, he was fine. Now though, it's going on 430am and he is tripping balls. He's flipping out about children in danger, talking to people who aren't there. And talking non-stop at full volume.\n\nI have literally no idea how to interact with him right now while he's hallucinating. When friends trip, they know they're tripping. I don't think he knows he's tripping. Explaining to him that the things that he's seeing are not real both seems obviously wrong to me.\n\nI have no idea how to help him come back.", "answer": "Especially considering the relative rapid onset, it would be important that you call his doctor ASAP. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "412f7m", "comment_id": "412f7m"}, {"question": "How to deal with racism and topics of racism with a partner who thinks your race is the enemy?", "description": "Hi there\n\nI'm a white male in my 30s and my wife is a black woman approaching 30 who spends much of her time talking about how racist the world is and how hard it is for people of color. She always points to how bad and terrible and evil white folk are, especially white men. She will also be quick to point out the issues with white women and how white feminism is so wrong.  Anytime I try to meet her half way with topics she will state that I just don't understand. \n\nAs time has gone on I just feel like I'm having to do everything I can to not even be the slightest bit offensive. She will drag white folk through the mud and relate so many things to race. Just how hard it is for people of color to do anything in the world. And anytime I try to point out that it's possibly hard for more than just poc I feel like I'm immediately chastised and she herself says that me saying that is like saying \"all lives matter\" and making light of what she's saying and treating me like a bad white authority figure. \n\nSo, how do I approach this without seeming like I'm not trying to dismiss and diminish the black race and frame it like \"maybe you could not frame me in the light of white supremacy?\" \n\n\n", "answer": "so she acts like she despises you?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5upukz", "comment_id": "5upukz"}, {"question": "[Video] stress as an opportunity for growth.", "description": "[how to never stress again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJq8IovXFYQ)", "answer": "I like it!\n\n\"The stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable.\"\n\n\"If we use adversity properly, we can grow through adversity.\"", "topic": "GetMotivated", "post_id": "7lodsz", "comment_id": "7lodsz"}, {"question": "Therapist is weird", "description": "I was in the psychiatric hospital for two months I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, anxiety, and psychosis. I\u2019ve been seeing a therapist for a month. (Once a week) She does not believe in diagnosing a minor with something that could go away when they are an adult (like recovering from depression) she refuses to diagnose me but I need a diagnosis to get medicine. What should I do? They can not accept the hospitals diagnosis because it was in a different part of the state.", "answer": "A psychiatrist could give you a diagnosis and medication without a therapist being involved. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7pyel6", "comment_id": "7pyel6"}, {"question": "Is this normal behavior for a therapist?", "description": "So I've been seeing my therapist since late October 2019. I was excited at first but after a while she started getting on her phone a lot during my sessions and soon after that she would start telling me stories of things her other patients have gone through that were similar to the things I've gone through which usually triggered me really badly. She also wouldn't really do a whole lot to guide me while I was going through an abusive situation a few months ago, she would just say things like \"well you've just got to get out of there\" \"you need to make your mom do this\" and just a lot of things that started making me get defensive. I don't have insurance anymore and she sees me for free, I'm worried that I can't afford a different therapist to treat my ptsd if I stop seeing my current one", "answer": "Not IMO. She a) doesn\u2019t sound very professional (you don\u2019t get on your phone when with clients) b) doesn\u2019t sound trauma informed based on things she\u2019s said. I get that financially it\u2019s an issue in getting a new therapist. You can look for nonprofits in your area and others who do a sliding scale. It\u2019s going to be up to you to decide if getting free bad therapy is worth the cost to your mental health. I get something seems better than nothing, but when it comes to your mental health it\u2019s not always. You can try talking to her and saying how it makes you feel when she gets on her phone and when she says things that trigger you. See how she handles that. I always try and give my clients permission and invite them to tell me if I\u2019ve said something that bothered them because I know a lot of people may not want to say something.  If I had a therapist say things that yours has would make me feel invalidated and minimized. That\u2019s not what therapists are supposed to do. We\u2019re supposed to be the people that don\u2019t say those things. I\u2019m sorry you\u2019ve been through this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g9gl40", "comment_id": "g9gl40"}, {"question": "Why I never was too impressed with AA", "description": "As many (most?) of you know, one of the \u201cStep\u201d they have in Alcohol Anonymous is that you have to admit you are powerless over the addiction. \n\nFar from it for me. I know I CAN overcome my desire/craving for alcohol, just as I had previously overcome my desire/craving for pot, weed, marijuana. Whatever \u2018cook\u2019 or \u2018funny\u2019 name you give it, it\u2019s just an \u2018it.\u2019 It has no power over me that I don\u2019t credit it with. \n\nIn Genesis, just before Cain slays his brother Abel, God tells Cain, @sin crouches at your door, YET YOU MAY RULE OVER IT.\u201d Cain failed to overcome his desire, but God told him he could have if he would just try. \n\nIn the Book of Job, Satan is shown as an angel of God and on par with the other angels. He has no powers God doesn\u2019t grant to him, and what powers he wants to exercise he has to get permission from God first. \n\nI don\u2019t give alcohol power over me; I reserve the right to refuse to play that game. \n\nIWNDWYT. ", "answer": "That's not what the first step means in most people's understanding but I agree anyway that you need to know you can overcome it and take away it's power. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9xsv9r", "comment_id": "9xsv9r"}, {"question": "My first concert went better than expected", "description": "As the title states, I just went to my very first concert (a metal one of course) and I actually enjoyed it! I\u2019ve hidden in my shell all of my life and I stepped out of it for once tonight and it was the most surreal and amazing moment of my life. I\u2019m not saying that stepping out of your comfort zone is for everyone. Because no one person is the same as another, but if you have an urge to do something outside of your comfort zone, do it! It might actually be fun.", "answer": "Stepping out of your comfort zone is the ONLY way you'll ever learn to cope with your anxiety or recover from it.  It's never easy, which is why so many people avoid it and their anxiety never improves.  Congrats for taking the leap!  What band did you see?  Growing up, getting into the hardcore and punk scene really helped me deal with my own anxiety among other issues.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "9grkt7", "comment_id": "9grkt7"}, {"question": "Why do equations run through my head before I get sick?", "description": "Okay... so I've finally found that I'm not the only person to experience the feeling known as \"Fast Feeling\" thanks to Reddit. It changes your time perception and makes things seem extremely fast, slow, OR where you feel like you are moving fast, but everything around you is slow motion almost. \n\nI also saw something on a thread that someone described as \"Math Feeling\". Trigonometric equations run through their head and when you close your eyes you can visually see the equations and shapes being \"solved?\". The person goes on to say this happens before he gets sick.\n\nIn my case, all the same occurs, but my head seems to be flooded with the number 7 with equations running in the background. Is this something that's only in my head or is there anyone else that has this happen to them, but with a different number or style of mathematics involved?", "answer": "That's really interesting.  When you say \"before I get sick,\" are you referring to a manic episode?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "cr13gt", "comment_id": "cr13gt"}, {"question": "Asking my Doctor for Topamax?", "description": "I have heard Topamax has been used for Binge eating and seems to have a good success rate with Bulimia also. I am from the UK. I have an appointment with my Doctor next week and would like to know how i could approach asking for this to try? I don't want to seem like i am self diagnosing. My Doctor is very nice and is the only person i have fully opened up to about my Bulimia and she has it all on file.\n\n​\n\nShould i go in with a print out about the medicine or should i just bring it up?  How would i say i know about this?  \n\n​\n\nAny help would be appreciated. I am nervous to ask but i really am at my last stage. I have tried loads of other resources. So i would try anything now.", "answer": "I would suggest behavioral and psychotherapy over medications in bulimia. ", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "aexqf6", "comment_id": "aexqf6"}, {"question": "How long should I (25f) wait for him (26m) to be ready for marriage and children?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been together for coming up to seven years. We've lived together for four of those. We are absolutely in love with each other - no doubt in my mind. We know we want to spend our lives together.\n\nI've been thinking about marriage and children for a while. My parents had me young (my mum was 21) and I have an amazing relationship with them, and I want that with my children. I want to get married before kids and my boyfriend knows that.\n\nWe have spoken about our future and marriage is definitely a 'when' not an 'if'. He says he doesn't want to be engaged for a long time, and would prefer to be able to afford a wedding before we get engaged. I see this as just an excuse, but I haven't told him that. We are both in full time jobs earning a decent income. He's due a pay increase soon and I think we could afford it if we (namely he) cut back on impulse purchases. He's a gadget and video game enthusiast.\n\nKids come up in conversation a lot (again, when not if) and I've told him I want to have them before I'm 30. I have dropped hints like saying 'when you are ready for kids' instead of saying 'when we are ready' and I changed my birth control to something that would make my natural fertility return a lot quicker after discussing with him.\n\nI'm at the point where every special occasion, every holiday, every date night - the thought of 'what if it's tonight he finally pops the question' enters my head. I'm annoying myself to be honest. I never wanted to compare myself to a Legally Blonde scene.\n\nDoes it sound like he's a commitment-phobe? Should I talk to him again? He's a pretty traditional guy so I don't think he would respond well to me asking him. Last time I brought marriage up (about six months ago) it somehow turned into an argument, with him asking me how I knew he wasn't going to ask me the next day.\n\nAny advice would be great, even if it's just to stop the urges to plan my yet-to-exist wedding and think about my yet-to-be-conceived children's names!\n\nTL;DR I've been with my boyfriend for seven years and I want to get married and start a family. Not sure if I should talk to him (again) or wait. ", "answer": "You've waited six years too long I'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6x9d5i", "comment_id": "6x9d5i"}, {"question": "I feel like an alien in a human suit", "description": "I have Adhd and people constantly treat me like a child. They think I have low intelligence because I constantly zone in and out and dont catch what theyre saying. It happens all the time. Another example, we were on this trivia app the other day and I wasnt getting answers correct. They blatantly said \u201cI wanna see her take an IQ test haha\u201d or \u201cI bet if you took an IQ test, the score would be higher than we all think it is.\u201d Im so sick of it. I can\u2019t sit still all the time, like when were watching a movie on the couch. She asked me to stop moving but I subconsciously do it anyways. One of my friends said to me \u201ci\u2019m gonna sit on the floor because you\u2019re moving too much and its annoying me.\u201d I live in a dorm with these people so I can\u2019t just move out and stop being friends. I feel like a second class citizen in my friend group. It makes me feel really bad about myself; like some sort of alien in a human suit. ", "answer": "I\u2019m really sorry you\u2019re struggling with this. Have you shared with your roommates that you have ADHD? I know that might feel really vulnerable to share with people who have already been shitty to you, but given that you live together, it seems like them not knowing what is going with you may be doing more damage. They need to understand that you\u2019re struggling and that the way they\u2019re treating you is adding to your struggle. Likewise, you need to make sure that you\u2019re doing everything you can to manage your symptoms, for yourself first and foremost, but also because your roommates need to be able to live with you. I don\u2019t mean that to sound harsh. But I think we do, to a point, owe the people who spend the most time with us our best effort in managing our symptoms, since those people are impacted by our symptoms too. Yours sound like they\u2019re really hard for you to manage and are negatively impacting you. So I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re receiving treatment of some sort right now? If you are, do you need to try something else? ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9x5zjf", "comment_id": "9x5zjf"}, {"question": "Alcohol enhancement of activities", "description": "My drinking usually revolved around the enhancement of things I enjoy, hobbies primarily. I like to paint and play video games, do a little woodworking (although I at least had to common sense to never operate a saw while hammered on liquor!) and I always felt that although those things were enjoyable, having a few drinks would just take it up a little higher, make it better. \n\nSlowly, alcohol became a mandatory variable of my little fun equation. I used to really enjoy getting drunk while painting and singing along to music or jamming out to very loud music while inspired, and good times man.\n\nAnyway, it's taken me a good six months plus to get back into my painting, and one thing I've found is that I can enjoy the same level of satisfaction sober. I found myself rocking out to some loud music the other night, singing along, painting, and thoroughly enjoying myself. A natural high. Minus the alcohol.\n\nJust wanted to share this, as I found it a really cool re-discovery about myself. I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one who felt they needed to be drunk in order to create or truly enjoy those kinds of hobbies, and that their satisfaction would be diminished without drinking.", "answer": "I use to write all the time. And romanticized the idea of being a lush poet or wino novelist. A slave to the pen and paper with a drink on my desk. Then a bottle. Then I had to drink to write. Then I just had to drink and my writing stopped completely. Been working on getting back into it and I think trying at different times of the day with coffee will help. It's been a lot easier taking up new creative hobbies too. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3wjeva", "comment_id": "3wjeva"}, {"question": "Not Diabetes! Not IV Drug abuse. Doctors have no diagnosis despite all the labs and scans and even biopsy. WTF just WTF ... help please", "description": "Sex Female\n\nAge 34\n\nHeight 5'4\n\nWeight 145\n\nRace Asian/Caucasian (father, Native American/White) (mother, Korean)\n\nDuration of complaint: blotches have appeared on and off for 10+ years, simple light reddish or purple in  color, would disappear on it's in,a didn't seek medical attention until recently. Ulcer first appeared almost 5 years ago, thought to be a bad spider bite with nacrosis resulting, when a ulcer developed on her other foot we knew that to be wrong.\n\nLocation (Geographic and on body) Colorado springs, colorado\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any) sinus tachacardia, asthma, essential tremmors\n\nCurrent medications (if any) vitamid d supplement, beta blocker, albuteral, **Depo provera birth control for past 8 years\nInclude a photo: http://imgur.com/gallery/VXoST4h\nLabs link : Labs https://imgur.com/a/KHxKkSN\n\nFoot9 condition Now vs. 3 months ago\nUPDATE http://imgur.com/a/gS1vEHs", "answer": "Looks like a fungus on your toes. What did the biopsy show?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ary77b", "comment_id": "ary77b"}, {"question": "Blood testing and Depression... Did my doctor miss something?", "description": "I've finally started to pursue help for depression. And yes, I have a psychiatrist appointment next week which I was referred to by the physician who did the blood test. Other then being a danger to myself (which I don't believe I am, nor does my wife or doctor or therapist). I have had depressive symptoms (brain fog, feeling a constant state of unhappiness, fatigue, the inability to feel happy even when I know that normal people would in certain circumstances, etc. Etc. Etc.) since before I can remember, and my parents can confirm that as well.\n\nMy only issue is, I told him that when I was 18, I had low iron to the point that they asked me to come back for further testing. Because of personal stupidity I never went back due to life circumstances. That is the only known issues I told my doctor. From what I can tell, they didn't test for iron unless I'm missing something. I feel like that was my main concern and he never pursued it.\n\nI'm not against psychotropics or any mental medications, I just want to check up on any other causes before we go down that route.\n\nCan anyone help interpret this initial test? There are 3 high levels and I don't fully understand what I'm looking at. Any resources that you recommend to read would be great as well. \n\nBlood Results - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gKNJja9d6dUCaQKzBDWxofcZHU1wJqCs/view?usp=drivesdk\n24M, 5'8\", 150lb., Never smoked, Caucasian, maybe 1 beer/week, no recreational drug use, have depression symptoms for at least over 15 years, no known medical conditions, no medications.", "answer": "The labs you posted don\u2019t look complete and leave off some of the most important things to check, if they were checked: hemoglobin and thyroid labs.\n\nThere\u2019s no standard lab work up for depression without indicative symptoms to suggest something else, but thyroid is fairly common and easy, and checking for anemia is obviously worthwhile if you have a history of anemia.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ex63t6", "comment_id": "ex63t6"}, {"question": "Advice or other experiences of LDR (f/24, m/24)", "description": "I met my boyfriend almost 12 months ago, we started dating 11 months ago and have been exclusively together for 8 months.  We met while both working abroad; for visa reasons, I moved home 6 weeks ago and am planning to stay here.  He plans to return home in the next 18 months, but this is dependent upon his company agreeing to a transfer, or finding a similar position at home. \n\nJust wondering how other couples have transitioned from seeing each other daily to long distance, and what advice they have on how to deal with said distance.  I have seen other Reddit posts suggesting things like watching movies simultaneously etc., however for us the time difference and full time jobs gets in the way of that (and also we share a one screen Netflix subscription :) ).\n\nThank you! \n\n ", "answer": "if you're mature, it will work. requires commitment and fortitude and the ability to spend time alone without becoming frantic.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy9z1", "comment_id": "6wy9z1"}, {"question": "How to get therapy at 17 independently in California?", "description": "17M from California. I have money to pay for virtual therapy sessions but I want to do it completely independently; I have a debit card and everything, I don\u2019t need to involve anyone else. That might not be legally possible but what are my options? If I don\u2019t get help now I legit will crash and burn at one point. Trying to prevent that. Thanks! :)", "answer": "California is really good about privacy for minors ,  though the rules may depend on the license of the practioner.  In CA, I was unable to access my kids' medical records after they were 11, which was a huge pain in the ass since they had no ability to make or pay for appointment.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "k5059x", "comment_id": "k5059x"}, {"question": "Something my girlfriend said today [M28] [F21]", "description": "So today my girlfriend (of 4 months), her friend, and I were hanging out and we were talking about receding hairlines. My girlfriends friend mentioned how my girlfriend was very against receding hairlines and always made a big deal about it in the past. She piped in and said, as soon as that hairline starts to recede its over. I don't know if she meant that the current relationship is over or if guys in general have no chance once their hairline starts receding. \n\nThis kind of caught me off guard. I have recently noticed that my temples have started to recede a bit and it sent me into a 2 week state of panic but finally came to terms with it. Luckily I have long thick hair and even though I'm 28, I look like I have the hairline of a 20 year old. Hearing her say this brought back those fears and frankly I feel very angry towards her. I think its just really shallow and also makes me consider continuing this relationship if she is that superficial or if she is just going to break it off once she notices my hairline receding.\n\nI know I need to talk to her about it but then I have to tell her my hairline is receding and that it is one of my bigger insecurities right now ... both of which I would rather her not know. Suggestions on how to deal with this? Am I making too big of a deal about this? Thanks :)", "answer": "This one's easy. Just let her overhear you say the following to your friend: \"Yeah, once they start to get a little pooch in their belly, I'm outta there.\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "27o5my", "comment_id": "27o5my"}, {"question": "Dating and relationship tips from the knowledgeable and wise Reddit community.", "description": "So I'm Shawn. I'm 20 and I'm a computer programmer and game designer. I've been in 3 relationships previously only to have who I thought was the love of my life end up going out with and sleeping with another guy. It shattered me. I've moved on but not without damage.\n\nSo I've tried to get back into trying and finding a girl, but it hasn't been easy. I'm seeing someone now and I've gone out once with her and we decided to end it because I was too nervous from a previous relationship 1 week ago. Since then, it's been over a month in the \"friendzone\".\n\nSo I'm afraid that if I ask her that I'll lose her forever or be rejected in some other way. I'm mostly afraid of saying the wrong thing. When I go to actually talk to her I put it off because it feels like someone has stuffed cotton in my mouth. What do I do in this case? How can I express my emotions in such a way that I don't look like a tool? And finally, how do I make myself more confident around her?\n\nShawn Fox.\n", "answer": "Thanks for your humble honesty Mr. Shawn Fox.  People either love us or they don't. We are who we are. We have no choice but to be ourselves.  So just be you. Say what you feel, always.  As far as rejection goes....well..we've all been there and it hurts like hell. But as William Faulkner said  \"...between grief and nothing, I will take grief\".", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fe4bi", "comment_id": "6fe4bi"}, {"question": "What does DBT advise for mood swings?", "description": "That's the problem I struggle the most with - I'll be feeling okay, and then suddenly I'll be triggered into a depressed mood or sometimes irrational anger.\n\nWhat does DBT advise you to do in those situations? I've tried googling it but haven't found much beyond \"Take a bath lol\" level advice, which isn't particularly helpful. ", "answer": "Not DBT specifically, but what I've always found helpful is practicing mindfulness during the mood swings. Take space, be by yourself, recognize how you are feeling and try to distance yourself from those swings. The swing is bpd, it's irrational and it's not founded in truth.\n\nDistractions! music is a powerful tool that can help get you out of a pickle. Conversations with another trusted person who knows you and what you go through. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Color something. Do some origami. Eat! Cook! Create!  Cry, because sometimes it helps and it's okay ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2vaiux", "comment_id": "2vaiux"}, {"question": "What's the difference between psychotherapy (talk therapy) and a conversation with a supportive layperson (friend, family, etc.)?", "description": "I previously asked a question on a different subreddit asking why psychotherapy is only taught to graduate students and not undergrads.\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nThe answer I got was that:\n\n​\n\n>Undergraduates haven't learned enough to safely and ethically practice psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can be damaging if it's done incorrectly, so it's best left to graduate students in dedicated programs.\n\n​\n\nSo that got me wondering what exactly is the difference between a therapist/psychologist/graduate student in a dedicated program conducting psychotherapy on a client vs said client having a candid conversation with a supportive layperson (friend, familly member, church leader, school teacher, etc.)?\n\n​\n\n​\n\n​\n\nIs psychotherapy always going to be superior to normal conversation that is trying to be supportive to the person who is receiving it? I guess I'm trying to ask whether a conversation with your support system people is equal, better, worse, or simply supplemental to psychotherapy.", "answer": "IMO this is a legitimate problem in psychotherapy. Sometimes, there is no difference, because all the client may be demanding in a particular session is for positive human contact, and sometimes people are so alienated from their social life that they can only feel like they progress in a psychotherapeutic environment. Sometimes, people just have problems and conflate them with psychological problems - since they manifest in psychological symptoms -  and they can only really check by going to therapy.\n\n*However*, this does not mean that psychotherapy is the same. For starters, the whole setup is completely different - you're meeting someone on a regular basis, pay them for that, and you're in a very confined environment to check on a single thing -  what can we do to better the mental health of the client? Psychology has a lot of *tools* for that, but ultimately, it's my belief that the client should leave therapy armed with the same tools that the therapist gave them, and hopefully develop a self-created sense of how to use those tools to solve more problems, or even better - how to create their own tools to then solve these problems. \n\nIn this regard, us psychotherapists are (hopefully) way, way ahead of your average layman. It is my wish that most people learn from psychotherapy so that the profession itself dies out, or at least progresses into something else. At the very least I hope that psychotherapy eventually develops into a more technical discipline (which right now it is not), where you can go to the therapist for a specific problem and the therapist can go through certain processes to solve them. We already have some, but they tend to be reductionist and have their own problems. \n\nMy classic example is dream work. It's usually a better idea to take that to therapy, but I would also add one more thing - psychotherapy is just a different approach to solve problems, it is not *the* solution. So talking to your friend might or might not be better for you, but you there's a higher chance that your therapist has more tools to help you.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4gokf", "comment_id": "c4gokf"}, {"question": "Thankful Thursday: Affirmation (1)", "description": "Thankful Thursday is a weekly thread where you are welcome to share your gratitude. So, sobernauts, what are you thankful for TODAY?\n\n> My definition of gratitude...has two components. First, it\u2019s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good thing in the world, gifts and benefits we\u2019ve received. This doesn\u2019t mean that life is perfect; it doesn\u2019t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life. --[Robert Emmons](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good)\n\nThose of you who regularly click through my TT links may recognize Emmons. He\u2019s a psychologist who has extensively studied and promoted gratitude. I find his definition of gratitude interesting--it\u2019s so much more than just the \u201cquality of being thankful.\u201d Next week we\u2019ll look at the second part, but this week, consider the first. **Can you identify and affirm a gift you\u2019ve received this week?**", "answer": "Im grateful for a 5 am  charity yoga class and swim this morning to mark the longest day of summer. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8sovc4", "comment_id": "8sovc4"}, {"question": "POCD", "description": "Can anyone tell me how they are on their way (if not already) to overcoming it? Or Harm OCD.... Or any other similar type of OCD\n\nBecause this is rock bottom. And I am seriously struggling to cope. Out of all of the obsessions I've had over my life and manifestations of OCD, these are the intrusive thoughts I just can't handle", "answer": "Have you tried therapy? Or, have you gone through an OCD workbook? There is a ton of great info out there that is research based that can help if you try it. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "56roy8", "comment_id": "56roy8"}, {"question": "Reccomend me some social improvement books", "description": "I'm a 20 year old college student and I've always had a couple of friends. Well, quite frankly, I'm sick of that. I want a lot of friends and I want to be more confident and improve my social status. I don't necessarily want to read a book about improving my \"game\", I want to read a book about how to generally improve yourself socially. I have some social anxiety that I want to completely get rid of and I am sick of living with it.\n\nBottom line: I want to be more alpha, more outgoing, and have fun with people. Please recommend some books on how to improve social status, make more friends, becoming well liked, being more confident, being more alpha, being more outgoing, etc. The more detailed and real life scenario oriented, the better.\n\nI am serious about wanting to improve myself. It's really been bugging me A TON for the past few weeks and it's time to put an end to it.\n\nThanks fellas.", "answer": "[Tah-dah!](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/best-social-skills-books)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "13krvn", "comment_id": "13krvn"}, {"question": "483 days", "description": "I stopped drinking when I found out I was pregnant, in some ways I feel like it was almost cheating because I literally couldn\u2019t stand the smell of booze without heaving, so it was the easiest stop ever.\n\nOnce I had her, I got post natal depression and put on some meds which meant alcohol was a bad idea, so I have stayed away. \n\nBut lately I have been getting the urge, sneaky thoughts in the middle of the day when I\u2019m home with her, thoughts  that a glass of wine would taste so good, and relieve some of the boredom?\n\nI have to really concentrate on what life was like before, and what it\u2019s like how.\n\nWhen I drank, I was messy, sloppy, falling over, dropping glasses phones keys, saying stupid stuff, saying cruel stuff, losing things, smelling bad, chain smoking cigarettes, eating junk, embarrassing myself, lying, being inappropriate and unprofessional when I drank at work functions, was too hung over to clean my house or do laundry regularly, waking up in the middle of the night with pounding head and heart, vomiting in club bathrooms and going back out to drink more, helped Home by strangers more than once, crippling anxiety guilt and shame, skipping the gym and work because I was sick from the night before or still drunk.\nI was a liability. \nIt wrecked my first marriage and several friendships.\n\nI don\u2019t miss any of that shit, and I never want my kid to see me in that state.\n\nI won\u2019t drink with you all today xx", "answer": "Just wanted to stop by to tell you to give yourself s little more credit for making it through pregnancy without drinking. Lots of women don\u2019t. Pregnancy is frought with fear and misery\u2014excellent excuses to just have \u201ca glass or two\u201d. \u2764\ufe0f", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "811fqd", "comment_id": "811fqd"}, {"question": "Both hands have been numb for 5 hours", "description": "Age 23F\n\nSex F\n\nHeight 5'10\"\n\nWeight 120lbs\n\nRace White\n\nDuration of complaint 6 hours\n\nLocation usa\n\nAny existing relevant medical issues no\n\nCurrent medications birth control\n\n\nBackground: I usually don't have a period because I take birth control. I ran out and wast able to take my pill for two days and so I started bleeding yesterday with some normal cramping. I got my pill and took it yesterday like normal. I'm 23, 5'10\", 120lbs.\n\nLast night I was woken up around 3am by extreme cramps that have been making me bend over in pain and cry and almost throw up and I'm still experiencing them now at 9am. However at around 4am both of my hands and arms started to feel numb and now my hands are still numb 5 hours later. As far as the cramps go I think I have endometriosis but I've never been tested for it. Can an ultrasound do that? With the hands part, I've never had this happen before and I'm wondering if I should go to a walk in clinic?", "answer": "Are the hands cold? Are the entire hands numb? Tingling?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "j66gwp", "comment_id": "j66gwp"}, {"question": "My dad hung himseld in a hotel", "description": "Ever since that day my life has changed. I was one of the few who stood by him and he figured I could take it. Its been 6 years and im still barely hanging on. I want to kill myself cause the pain is too much not having him here. But my nieces and nephews and friends smiles keep me from doing it. I cant bring it upon myself to put them thru what ive been suffering from. Suicide is a permanent solution to lifes bullshit problems. \n\nEdit: FUCK REDDIT AND THEIR LACK OF EDIT FOR TITLES, himself***", "answer": "Those close to you can bring great joy and pain as you know. Are you looking just to share or would you like advice on something?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "b1xjkc", "comment_id": "b1xjkc"}, {"question": "Love advice..", "description": "So I need some advice. I've been really close friends with a girl I met in high school, and during the summer before our senior year, I developed a crush on her older brother.  I didn't tell her until I went on vacation with her and her family (brother included as was her boyfriend) and we both got super drunk and I confessed. She wasn't mad, and me and her brother had a fling for a little over a month. I was clingy, a young hormonal teenage girl and he was 18 and  didn't want a relationship. \nWe stopped seeing each other, but I've held onto some fondness for him over the years, and have continued to be close friends with her and hang out regularly at her house and see him. I never talk about our \"tryst\", but he enlisted in the Marines last December and texted me out of nowhere about a month ago. We text quite often, and we've talked about our so called relationship quite a bit. He doesn't want to settle down because he doesn't think he would be able to with the lifestyle he lives, and i have my doubts whether he could either. \nLong story short, I have very strong feelings for him and need to know, am I wasting my time, and hurting my own heart by talking to him and being this close to him? We have genuine conversations, and he makes me laugh, and I genuinely think he feels something for me. I just don't know if I should force myself to move on and date other people or stick it out and see what happens. \nAny advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "Always take 'no commitment' seriously. Keeping dating others; if he's ever ready he'll let you know.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6aw4hv", "comment_id": "6aw4hv"}, {"question": "What levels of RBC qualify as anemic?", "description": "29 years, 5'7, 170 pounds, F, no medications, no smoking, no gallbladder.\n\nFor at least 2 years I'm having major fatigue issues and now it's progressing to cognitive. I'm having memory issues and foggy brain.\n\nMy RBC count is 3.7. What qualifies as anemic? How exactly is anemia diagnosed?\n\nthank you", "answer": "Not my area of expertise, but anemia is usually diagnosed by either hemoglobin or hematocrit, and RBC count is less used.\n\nAs far as RBCs go, that's below the normal cutoff but by very little.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "89eek3", "comment_id": "89eek3"}, {"question": "I [21F] feel insecure around my [21M] boyfriend and I want to work on this.", "description": "I've been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now.  He's everything I could've asked for in a partner, and doesn't give me any reason to feel bad in our relationship.  \n\nHowever, I can't shake this relationship anxiety off of me.  I feel incredibly insecure about the way I look, my personality (ex. do I come off as clingy? I always try to give people space), and at times my intelligence (I know I'm not dumb, but I can't help but feel that way).  I hate that I'm doubting myself, even when he tells me otherwise.\n\nI love that he is supportive and wants to help me, but I'm scared of showing him a more vulnerable side of me.  I don't like the idea of using him as an emotional crutch either, so I need to figure out how to fix this on my own.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated!", "answer": "i would see a therapist for these self esteem issues", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68k416", "comment_id": "68k416"}, {"question": "I'm in law enforcment and wonder if I have PTSD, or at least some symptoms.", "description": "I have been in patrol for a number of years and am currently a detective.  The reason I am posting is because recently I had to investigate a suicide where a shotgun was used.  I have been on many suicide calls before, but this was the first for a shotgun.  I have been on homicides and other disturbing calls.  In addition I have also been involved in a \"suicide by cop\" scenario that lasted for hours, and where mutliple times I sincerely thought the person we were trying to help was going to put a rifle round through me.  I did not end up being the one who shot, but saw it all happen.\n\nIt seems when I experience these  kinds of calls it opens a large wound.  Some things concern/scare me.  For instance, there was once where I was with my wife and children on an outing and everything in my body started acting like an active shooter was about to engage.  I couldn't control my breathing, heart rate, etc.  I have had dreams, though not consistent, of being shot and in fights for my life.  I have bouts where the images and memories intrude and I can't stop them, which is what happened today and has caused me to question my mental health a little.  In my teen years I also contemplated suicide often, though this has not been an active thought for over a decade now.  Each time I experience a particularly difficult call I get a little more worried.\n\nI know it's not normal to spend hours around someone that just committed suicide in such a horrible way or experience what I deal with in my job on a regular basis.  I know it's not \"normal\" for someone to have to take in and analyze every detail of a scene like that. I know I shouldn't be \"OK\" after these incidents, but I don't know if I'm in trouble and need professional help or if this is part of the process.", "answer": "I'm a clinical psych doctoral student. Ethically, I can't diagnose or provide treatment, but I will say that you really should speak to a clinical psychologist. This is not at all uncommon.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "f7o0m6", "comment_id": "f7o0m6"}, {"question": "18 year old alcoholic---Help me, please. ", "description": "Heh, yeah, sounds dumb i know. It's true though, unfortunately.\n\nMy parents were both alcoholic minors as well. My mother (for example) lived in an abusive household. Her parents would throw parties, she would pick up afterward. She was nine when she had her first drink. She sipped some out of the bottom of a glass. Obviously at nine that sort of thing was an instinct. \n\nI have the same instinct. \n\nMy parents got help in AA very quickly (that's actually how they met. awww) and don't allow alcohol in our household, never have. You could say I'm sheltered.\n\nMy sophomore year of high school was when it started. I was also blessed with my father's severe anxiety and my mother's clinical depression. Sometimes I would get so upset I would feel the urge to get so damn drunk. I would want to drink myself away. But I'd never drank before. My first drink was prom night my senior year, years later. \n\nSo I've had this internal thing, in my DNA, making me an alcoholic.\n\nAlright, so down to business. My two best friends part a lot. One of them smokes weed every day and the other hosts parties at her apartment every weekend. I'm currently in her apartment as we speak because I was high earlier today and couldn't go home. \n\nAnyway, it isn't really causing any immediate problems in my life, but I'm worried about what could happen in the future. Maybe I could be blowing off studying for finals (I go to community college) to party all weekend. What if I travel somewhere drunk and end up in jail? I'm no where near any of these scanarios---when me and my best friends party, it's just a small gathering of 18-19 year olds having a good time. But who knows how fast it could escalate.\n\nObviously, I can't really get a therapist because I would have to explain to my parents the problem. Which I can't do. They'd force me to never see my best friends again. I still live at home and as of now they completely control me. On the flip side, I refuse to distance myself from my friends. They're all I have. I can't say no to going to the parties because I want to spend time with my friends, but I suppose I could try going to parties, but just not drinking. Although, I just don't know how I'd go about it. \n\nI'm just a kid guys. I have no idea what I'm doing. I only graduated high school this past June. I need advice from people that already have life pretty much figured out.  \n", "answer": "My current sobriety date is from when I was 17. A man in my home group picked up 24 years two weeks ago and he got sober at 15. Never disqualify yourself based on differences you see, look at similarities.\n\nI know exactly where you're coming from though, all of my grandparents are alcoholics, and my dad's an addict.\n\nHowever unlike you alcohol has already caused significant damage to my life. I have multiple drinking citations, I've been expelled from high school, I attempted suicide, and I could go on for days about the problems alcohol has caused me. I've been blessed with the chance to stop though.\n\nI'm just not entirely sure what you're asking, but I would suggest you take a period of abstinence(from everything), to clear your head. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a2t6o", "comment_id": "1a2t6o"}, {"question": "Is my 5year relationship over?", "description": "Okay so I (F21) have been dating a guy (m20) for over 5years. He recently did something really stupid and I need to decide how to move past it or if we are just burnt out. To give you a timeline, we started dating Feb 2012 (I was a junior in high school, he was a sophomore). Everything was good until June 2014 (the month after he graduated high school). He broke up with me and started dating another girl (they had been secretly texting for a few months already). Anyways, he started texting me again and long story short, we got back together November 2014. \nThen, January 2015, he starts texting/sexting and snapchatting the girl he broke up with me for again. He even went to see her (they both say nothing happened but yeah right). The only reason I found out was because the girl screenshot one of his snaps and sent it to me. So I confront him and tell him that I'm breaking up with him. He begs me back again and I give him an ultimatum. I was living with a roommate at the time and he was still at his parents house. I told him that we could try to work it out but he had to move in with me or there was no way. So he moved in with him. I had(still have) a lot of trust issues because of obvious reasons and we would still argue about him texting the girl and this went on for about a year and a half. \nFast forward to current time, I was trusting him again and I thought we were doing so good. We've talked about marriage, kids, homes, our whole future together. Then at the beginning of this month one day I started to get a lot of Facebook Messenger notifications. His account is on my phone and they were for his messenger. I opened the messages and he was messaging not one, but two women. One was his old high school teacher and he asked her to go to dinner with him and at one point she called him 'little boy' and he responded with 'there's nothing little about me.' And the other woman was some lady who works at a convenience store who told to look her up on Facebook and he did and he started messaging her asking if she wanted to fuck and trying to hook up with her. When I found these messages I was literally speechless because I thought our relationship was finally stable and that we were perfect. So anyways I confront him and he denies the messages saying that it was his friend from work sending the messages. I threw his stuff out of our apartment and he finally confesses that it was him sending the messages. He stayed at his brothers for like two weeks but now he's just been sleeping on the couch. He keeps saying he doesn't want us to be over and that he will do anything to have me back. I don't know what to do or think. \n\nTLDR; boyfriend of 5+ years cheats on me, again, denies it, has been sleeping on couch trying to convince me not to leave him. Help", "answer": "Aren't you tired of being upset about this?  Dump all cargo. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dyg7s", "comment_id": "6dyg7s"}, {"question": "Did I catch an STD?", "description": "I had a protected sex with an Russian escort almost a month ago. While the intercourse was protected, I did go down on her unprotected . Ever since that afternoon, I haven\u2019t been feeling well. For almost 4 weeks now, I have these symptoms:\n1. Very mild fever\n2. Chills\n3. Very mild headache \n4. Very mild sore throat\n5. My eyes are hot and heavy, could be dry\n6. My mouth is hot and lips are dry\n7. Fatigue\n\nI looked up every STD symptoms and it doesn\u2019t seem that I caught anything specific. I normally don\u2019t get sick for more than a week. Since the symptoms are very mild, I still go to work and function normally.\n\nI\u2019m a 34 yr old asian male.\n\nMy STD testing is scheduled but a week away. \n\nThanks \ud83d\ude4f ", "answer": "It's probably nothing, but hopefully you'll be reassured after you've had your sexual health check. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7771mo", "comment_id": "7771mo"}, {"question": "Starting DBT in a few weeks, what do I need to know?", "description": "How does group therapy work? What should I be prepared for? Any advice is appreciated", "answer": "If the group facilitator is following protocol (some stray, and that's typically fine), the group will be for DBT skills training and not therapy. However, therapeutic issues are likely to come up. Most participants will be in individual therapy in conjunction with the skills group. \n\nThere's a lot of material to cover so come prepared to learn. You'll probably get several handouts and worksheets. If you don't receive a binder or folder, consider investing in a sturdy one that will last. You have to be in a place of readiness to change. All the skills you'll learn are nothing if you don't practice and apply them. DBT is an incredible treatment but you have to be on board! \n\nBest of luck in your upcoming journey! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "36y5jt", "comment_id": "36y5jt"}, {"question": "I've just been diagnosed and have a question about food!", "description": "I was diagnosed two weeks ago after having ultrasounds and multiple missed periods. I am also getting a blood test to confirm it but it seems definite.\n\nI was doing some reading about how having PCOS makes you more likely to get diabetes and was wondering if following a diabetic meal plan could work well for me?\n\nWhat kind of food plans does everyone on here follow, if any?\n\nMany thanks :)", "answer": "Many people will say keto, but you can also start out with a low glycemic-index eating plan, avoid sugar, refined carbohydrates, and see how it works for you. Possibly cut out dairy. Eat more greens. \n\nThe problem with keto is that if you go out of keto after having been in ketosis for any period of time, you'll gain the weight back rather easily. Some people find it hard to limit carbohydrates long-term. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3krvr6", "comment_id": "3krvr6"}, {"question": "Work debacle, how do I deal with this meeting?", "description": "So I am a trainer in a call center, love my job except now I'm getting caught up in politics that are ticking me off. I tend to not get involved with these issues, however with my current class I have 2 people with disabilities. They are awesome, just some things to work around, and they only require a few extra hours to complete course work. I allowed the extra time, as I would to anyone who would need it. I am now facing a meeting with HR, the manager and the site lead because I allowed the time as it is seen as \"special treatment\" by one of the managers. To me it seems this manager is creating an issue and discriminating on a personal level because they never wanted the people to be hired on and they are going to this persons team. How do I best deal with this without coming off as an asshole? Serious replies only please. My meeting is tomorrow.  ", "answer": "> **To me** it seems this manager is creating an issue and discriminating on a personal level because they never wanted the people to be hired on and they are going to this persons team \n\n\nThis is definitely your fault.  How dare you do something so sensible as to allow for extra time for individuals who need it and on top of that make such an astute observation about management.  What kind of person takes into considerations the needs of other individuals? You have put your management in a tough spot. In fact, it is impossible for you to do this meeting without coming off as an asshole. Sure enough, when you go into that meeting and remain silent and reflect their questions back to them, they will definitely not look like assholes because it won't be totally obvious that your initial assumption was correct.  So be an asshole.  ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "3iaplp", "comment_id": "3iaplp"}, {"question": "How do I stop being an asshole?", "description": "Ok, so I'm an asshole. I've come to terms with that, but I would like to not be as much of an asshole. It's affecting all of my relationships ( girlfriend , family, work, etc) . Sometimes I try as hard as I can and I can pull of being nice for hours at a time , but I end up going back to habits reeeeeaaallly quick. Its driving my girlfriend crazy most of all because I go from happy to \" talking to her like she's 2\" and being an asshole in no time at all , then( girlfriend , family, work, etc) . Sometimes I try as hard as I can and I can pull of being nice for hours at a time , but I end up going back to habits reeeeeaaallly quick. Its driving my girlfriend crazy most of all because I go from happy to \" talking to her like she's 2\" and being an asshole in no time at all , then I'm right back to happy like it never happened. Not sure if its related but it seems when I drink a couple of energy drinks in a much more enjoyable person to be around....? Help!!!!\rTldr: I'm an asshole and want to change but don't know how..", "answer": "People aren't usually jerks right out of the blue, outside of obvious mental illness or brain injury. Usually people go off when they're under pressure of some kind and feel threatened or misunderstood. Try analyzing the circumstances where you're getting this feedback -- but limit this analysis to *your own feelings* instead of external events. Try to come up with something along the lines of: when I feel X I tend to do Y. Own those feelings, and work on doing less when you feel them-- or ideally, voicing them in as calm a manner as you can manage.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "23arly", "comment_id": "23arly"}, {"question": "I think my psychiatrist is withholding diagnoses. Do I have a legal right to know?", "description": "I live in Ontario, Canada.\n\nI was seeing a therapist for a while who said she thought I had schizophrenia. Since she isn't qualified to diagnose (and I've got a bunch of other shit that needs actual treatment), she referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw him once. He asked me if I thought I had OCD, to which I said no. He didn't say anything about schizophrenia.\n\nI met with my GP a bit later and she told me she had spoken with him and under his advice, prescribed me Seroquel, which is primarily used to treat bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which I've been diagnosed with.\n\nI also saw when my GP was looking through his notes on her computer that he wrote \"...probably because of the PTSD.\" He never said anything about PTSD to me either. \n\nDo I have a legal right to know if I've been diagnosed with something? I asked my GP to see that document and she told me I'd need consent from the psychiatrist because it's his private documents, but that doesn't feel right because it's something that was written about me.", "answer": "I can't speak on the legalities of your psychiatrist sharing your diagnoses with you, as I'm in the US.  \n\nSeroquel is also used to treat depression.  Even if it wasn't, a lot of medications are prescribed for conditions that may not be listed (off-label usage).  \n\nAs an aside, you should feel comfortable enough with your psychiatrist to engage in a discussion about your diagnoses.  Knowing what you're diagnosed with can be validating for some people, as it gives a name to what you're experiencing.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e38hm8", "comment_id": "e38hm8"}, {"question": "Pretty sure I'm insane and I'm going to die alone. I need help, advice, anything.", "description": "i'm about to sound insane but please believe me i'm aware of it. also, i'll pathetically ask for you guys not judge me too hard or mock me.\n\ni have depression and anxiety. it was kept in check for a long while, then in 2012 i started a relationship when i knew i shouldn't have, and my mental health began deteriorating again. through 2012 to 2015 i was in hell, and my partner of course left me. i then fell into this huge breakup depression coupled with the clinical depression i carry with me all the time. end of 2016, i decided to put an end to this struggle, and began to let go of everything that was hurting me. it worked, i felt like myself again, like the me before 2012. except i wasn't.\n\nfor some reason, while i am feeling better than i was, my anxiety has increased out of nowhere. i keep finding things to worry about: my pets health, my parents health, if someone i love doesn't answer the phone, i think tragedy right away and get frentic and call until they pick up, if my pets prefer to go to sleep instead of playing with me, i think they're sick or they hate me even though i know they're fine and healthy, but i keep driving myself crazy over it. before them, i lost two pets out of nowhere and it scarred me forever, so i know when i see my current pets that fear just comes back.\n\nmy point is: i'm scared of losing the ones i love, and after being left by the man i was in love with, this fear only increased.\n\nthat's not so bad, right? it's unhealthy but hey, it's part of the illness. okay.\n\nnow here's the part i tell you i'm sick to my stomach today and wanting to cry my eyes out because i found out that my favorite character's fate in a game was left in a twist ending and i won't know what happens until august because of a dlc that will explain the rest of the story. on top of that, they might have changed his model.\n\ni am freaking out. i am scared of the possible outcomes for this character fate as if he's a real person. i am, of course, aware that he's not real, but it's gut wrenching and the wait is even worse.\n\nhere's the funny bit: i freaked out about the same thing back in 2012 when he starred in a game that year. 2012 was the year that i began falling apart.\n\ni'm crying because i know this is insane and i swear i don't want to feel like this, but i am and i'm not understanding why. why am i so attatched? why am i feeling like this? i need something, anything. people around me are asking me questions, why am i so upset? and the thing is, i cry about the character and then i cry about everything's that has gone wrong in my life so far.\n\ni tried booking a session but they told me to try next month. i don't know what to do. please, any kind soul who can maybe explain to me why i'm so messed up why a character means this much, anyone who can offer me a way to get over this, i'll take it. i'm going insane. ", "answer": "I'll preface this by saying two very important things:\n\n1. Try again to schedule an appointment. If there are no openings at the counseling center you have tried, look into another center. \n\n2. There is no such thing as \"insane.\" There's clinically depressed and anxious, a diagnosis I concur with, but \"insane\" isn't a thing in the world of clinical psychology and counseling. So don't worry about that.\n\nYou started out by saying that you are depressed and anxious. Have you been formally diagnosed? It's not really that important other than for insurance purposes, but it can help to explain your symptoms. \n\nYou're simply manifesting your anxiety in places you haven't before. Coping techniques can help here, so if you have ever sought help from a counselor or psychologist before, the things they taught you will help. \n\nSome things that pretty much every clinician worth their salt will tell you as well: Focus on the Big Three. Sleep, Diet, Exercise. Do your best to get a full night's sleep and practice good [sleep hygiene](https://www.sleepassociation.org/patients-general-public/insomnia/sleep-hygiene-tips/). Eat healthy foods and stay within your daily recommended calorie intake. And make sure you're getting enough exercise, even if it's just taking a walk. Getting those three things in order can really help with anxiety and mood disturbance. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5r872o", "comment_id": "5r872o"}, {"question": "[25/F]My fiance [24/M] thinks I'm cheating on him.", "description": "He saw a hickey on the back of my neck that he swears up and down he didn't do. He's the only man in my 10 years of dating that has left hickeys on me, but because he doesn't remember doing this one he swears I am cheating on him. I literally would have no time to cheat even if I wanted to which I don't. I have two little kids, I work from 8 to 5 and come straight home to make dinner and help kids with HW and get them ready for bed etc. He doesn't take any of that into consideration, just says he KNOWS I cheated on him. I am so frustrated because I know i'm innocent. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!?", "answer": "tell him: \"you either trust me or you don't.  if you don't, we might as well call it quits\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6dhj7r", "comment_id": "6dhj7r"}, {"question": "What kind of doctor should I see for issues related to mood, anxiety, lethargy and energy levels?", "description": "I need help in determining what kind of doctor to go see. Aside from wellness checkups and physicals required to be a BSA leader, I have not had to visit a doctor in 15 years. (last visit was in 2001 for chemical pneumonia from exposure to chlorine bleach).\n\nFor the past 6 months my energy levels have been up and down, I excercise 3 to 4 times weekly (weights, cycling and yoga). Sometimes my energy level is low, even when I exercise, but often picks back up. \nThe worst is the accompanying anxiety, lack of focus. (Some days I zone out at work and get absolutely nothing done.) Some days of complete hopelessness and despair while some days are care free.  It's been an emotional rollercoaster for me this year and I think it may have to do with cutting out meat from my diet 6 months ago. I spoke with my mother about it and she said she recently had a chrmosome test done and she is deficient in the genes the methylate folate and b12, so she is on some kind of meds to see if that helps with her anxiety and depression (she has battled both for 30 years). She suggested that I should get the test also. I'm not convinced yet that epegentics focus is the way to approach this since it's very new research and practice. But I wanted to get an idea of what kind of doctor I should seek in order to begin discovery of what's going on.\n\nAge 38\nSex M \nHeight 5'11\"\nWeight 230\nRace White\nDuration of complaint - 6 Months\n", "answer": "First a GP, to exclude any common medical conditions, then a psychiatrist (like me!)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "51m8t5", "comment_id": "51m8t5"}, {"question": "OCD Personality Change", "description": "Does anyone see their personalities changing - or their sense of identity - from OCD? My OCD was always there, but got very very bad during college. Long story short, there was about 3.5 year period where my mind was gone. A specific year of that, I would say I was damn near out of my mind. Since then I've been getting treatment and have come a long way, but I notice I'm just...different. I'm much more mystical and into spiritual religious things and signs. Not OCD, I can tell the difference, but from being lost in Obsessions for so long it feels like I now want the whole world to be more magical or of a different nature. I used to not be like this at all. I also want to cut across my face. No idea why, doesn't feel like an obsession because I actually want to do it, it just feels like I was gone for so long in this OCD-reality that now that I'm back I'm a little off.", "answer": "My reaction to the first half: We grow and develop as people and our interests, passions, and  beliefs will mature and shift as we grow older and have different experiences. This is likely compounded by your efforts in therapy-- no one goes through a bunch of therapy without meaningful change and growth. \nReaction to last two sentences: WHOH! That will need more explanation, and is worth discussing with your therapist as soon as possible. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "823249", "comment_id": "823249"}, {"question": "Do therapists stay in contact with their clients after therapy?", "description": "Heyo, \n\nthe question is a littlebit weird without the context, but I just have this question and I didn't had the courage to ask my therapist it yet.   \nI've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years to deal with mdd and ptsd. My therapist and I have a somewhat 'close' therapist-client relationship, but I'm not really experienced with that, so I don't know if it's really closer or not.\n\nMy problem is, as therapy is getting closer to the end, I really don't know what to do without her. The weekly sessions have kept me on track and got me back on track when it was very rough.\n\nSoo to the question: Do you have experienced (as clients) that you've kept contact with your therapist after therapy ended?   \nOr: Do you (as a therapist) kept contact with some of your clients?\n\nI really don't know how much I should write here and with how much of it I'm comfortable with, but this question has been bugging me for quite a while. I'd be really grateful for some opinions or experiences. :)", "answer": "You don\u2019t have to go from weekly to nothing. You can drop back to every two weeks then every month then, like the comment above, every few months.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ee4ae2", "comment_id": "ee4ae2"}, {"question": "Lamotrigine and Blurred Vision", "description": "A few months ago, a psychiatrist put me on Lamotrigine for General Anxiety Disorder. I started out on 25mg per day.\n\nWithin days, I noticed my blood pressure had gone down. My anxious thoughts felt more rational. I was pretty thrilled with the results.\n\nThe dosage increased to 50mg, and then 75mg. To be honest, I noticed no difference in feeling better at all. However, I did feel like my vision was a little blurred.\n\nI\u2019ve been on 75mg per day for maybe five weeks now. Particularly for a week now, my vision just won\u2019t seem to focus. My eyes are sore, often upon waking up in the morning. Things just look blurry in general. I had an eye exam not that long ago (maybe six months). Things were looking good, my glasses prescription was the same it\u2019s been for a decade.\n\nI am uninsured and have no direct access to a doctor. So any feedback would be super appreciated:\n\n1. Does it sound like my vision issue is caused by Lamotrigine?\n\n2. If so, is that permanent damage? Or would my vision likely return to normal if I stopped taking Lamotrigine?\n\n3. Is it even possible that 25mg would have helped within days? Or was that a placebo effect? After researching it a good bit, 25mg sounds like an incredibly small dosage.\n\nThanks so much for your time. Here\u2019s to hoping my vision isn\u2019t ruined.\n\n37-year-old white male. 5\u20198\u201d. 178 pounds. This has been noticeable since increasing Lamotrigine, and is effecting my eyesight. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia. I\u2019m currently taking 75mg of Lamotrigine per day, and 20mg of Propranolol as needed. I don\u2019t use any recreational drugs (including alcohol), and have never smoked.\n", "answer": "Blurry vision is one of the relatively common side effects from lamotrigine, and if it\u2019s stuck around for months it probably won\u2019t go away with more waiting. I\u2019ve never seen permanent side effects from lamotrigine but I don\u2019t know how or why it causes this particular effect.\n\nAn immediate response to 25 mg sounds unlikely, so it could be placebo effect, but it also could be a \u201creal\u201d pharmacological effect. That\u2019s one of the unknowables of medicine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9m636k", "comment_id": "9m636k"}, {"question": "7m child holding breath", "description": "Hello!\n\nMy 7M son will breathe in, hold for 5 seconds, give a grunt on exhale followed by a couple shallow breaths, then repeat. He isn't aware that he is doing it and we notice it the most when he is relaxing. The doctor isn't sure and no testing has been completed in the last year since mentioned. \n\nI have an o2 monitor due to asthma (myself), and placed it on his finger for about 3 minutes to make sure he wasn't struggling for air and watch for any changes. His o2 remains steady at 97, heartrate fluctuated up and down between 70-90. Today he had complaints of feeling dizzy when standing. \n\nDo you have any ideas or suggestions of what could be behind his breathing pattern?\n\nFor more information - He is 52 inches tall and slim. His medication consists of a multivitamin and tylenol as needed. \n\nThank you for your time!", "answer": "You say he isn't aware he's doing it. Is he aware at all while he's doing it? How often is he doing it? It sounds like not so often that his doctor has observed it, or if observed it wasn't particularly notable. How long has this been going on?\n\nCan he control it? A strange breathing pattern can be a tic. That's potentially treatable, but it only needs to be treated if it bothers your son.\n\nAn absence seizure or simple partial seizure could account for it, but it's not a classic seizure and not what I would first jump to.\n\nOr it could be just an absent-minded habit and no particular significance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "juz4xr", "comment_id": "juz4xr"}, {"question": "Nearly 4 years sober, experiencing relapse behavior", "description": "  \ntl;dr My life is upside down, I'm afraid I'm going to relapse, and I have forgotten why I got sober in the first place. \n\nDue to covid19, my life has changed drastically. In a short three months I had to leave my independent life at a UC, lost a job with the university, got out of a relationship, moved back in with my parents, started taking care of my younger siblings, and basically lost all ability to see my friends. Initially my anxiety about everything was so bad that I got prescribed Ativan, which I used maybe once a week. This may have triggered some relapse behavior.  \n\n\nRecently, I've been thinking about smoking cigarettes again and drinking. I have never in my life been sober for this long but because the world seems to be crashing around me, it doesn't seem worth much if that makes sense. I have been passively suicidal for awhile so it makes sense that I feel this way. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I think I needed to write this out. Thanks for hearing me. Advice is welcome.", "answer": "I go to two zoom meetings a day, and I\u2019m sober 41 years. Not drinking today is the most important thing that I\u2019ll ever do. If I were to drink, I\u2019d be risking turning into a very destructive person. I\u2019d hurt myself and everyone I know. Because I\u2019m an alcoholic not drinking is a very serious matter. I accept that I need help to maintain my sobriety. The good news is the effort to work the program yields benefits beyond abstinence. Read AA\u2019 promises.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "gittfw", "comment_id": "gittfw"}, {"question": "Constant bloodwork", "description": "Hey guys.\n\nSo I was wondering if it was normal for a doctors office to want to do bloodwork almost every time they see you. I would say that out of the 10 most recent visits I have had to my PCP, 7 of them required bloodwork. \nNow they are withholding my medications because they want me to do bloodwork before I meet my new PCP.\n\nAge: 29\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6'3\nWeight: 308\nConditions: Anxiety, depression, gout, and HV2.\nMedications: Acyclovir\n\nI'm in desperate need of my Acyclovir, and have been completely out for a week. Is it normal for so much bloodwork? Is there a way I can get my medication?", "answer": "Have you asked them why? Also you have the right to request your medical records.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "d40b9m", "comment_id": "d40b9m"}, {"question": "Personal devices and relationships", "description": "Bf and I have been together almost a year and I've noticed that I give him privacy with his devices..computer, phone ect but it seems like he feels my devices are open to him. He'll grab my phone and just serf the net or look at a pic but I wouldn't do that to him. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. We don't share passwords because he said early on that phones are private devices and he says that doesn't mean he has anything to hide he just likes his privacy. He will leave his phone around me unattended. I would never snoop through his stuff. Is this weird or a red flag? Generally everything else is fine. ", "answer": "tell him to stop, and if he doesn't, the relationship is in big trouble", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6da0ug", "comment_id": "6da0ug"}, {"question": "Throbbing ovaries after eating sugar?", "description": "I have to question myself if this is really happening. I have diagnosed PCOS and try to stay low carb. Seems like every time I have a high carb meal my ovaries start throbbing afterwards. Does this happen to anyone else?", "answer": "Yes especially worse the longer I\u2019m without it and then have some. My body\u2019s like skkkkrrrrtttt", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "ee8733", "comment_id": "ee8733"}, {"question": "Non-alcoholic Kahl\u00faa", "description": "Does anyone know if Kahl\u00faa makes a non-alcoholic drink? If, unfortunately not, does anyone know a brand of non-alcoholic coffee liqueur?", "answer": "Bailey's makes a non-alcoholic Irish cream that you can buy at most grocery stores.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "4vas4n", "comment_id": "4vas4n"}, {"question": "What to expect from a first time \"Psychiatric Consult\" referral from my medical doctor? Already on meds and done CBT.", "description": "- Age: 30\n- Sex: Male\n- Height: 5'10\"\n- Weight: 252\n- Race: White\n- Duration of complaint: 4-5 years\n- Location (Geographic and on body): USA Midatlantic\n- Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Current medications (if any): Escitalopram - generic lexapro - (20 mg), Vyvanse (50 mg), and Zolpidem - generic ambien - (10 mg)\n\nHello,\n\nMy medical doctor wrote me a referral for a \"Psych Consult\" to a local psychiatric office and I was wondering what to expect/where it goes from here.\n\nThe details are as follows, but I can provide more if needed:\n\n- On SSRI, Vyvanse, and Zolpidem (Ambien)\n- Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADD\n- Seen significant improvement, but still have low energy, low/no sex drive, sometimes feeling like \"nothing really matters\"/ no motivation, and some brief periods of sadness.\n- Already on medication, did CBT (10 weeks 4 years ago), and life is generally functional, but not great.\n- About 4 years ago, I gained 62 pounds (5'10\" and went from ~190 to 250) and started binge eating 2 or 3 days a week. The other 4-5 days I eat very healthy, but the binge days are bad. This never happened before until about 4 years ago.\n\nMain doctor wants me to go to the consult to just see what she says. No explicit goals or other instructions.\n\nI don't have the ability to leave work frequently for therapy or frequent visits and would prefer not to do that, but I don't want the Psych to think that I am against treatment, fishing for more meds, hostile, or whatever.\n\nSo, if I've already done CBT, am on meds, and in a stable, but not amazing situation, then what is the likely outcome or path forward I should expect from the psych or my main doctor?\n\nThanks", "answer": "It probably isn't a good idea to go see a doctor where you don't want anything and it's not clear what someone else wants either.\n\nThat said, it also sounds like things are better than they were but definitely not all fine. That's probably what your doctor is looking for\u2014some help getting things from kind of okay to really fine. A good psychiatrist may have thoughts about your remaining symptoms, possible medication side effects, and where to try to improve on things from here.\n\nPsychiatrists are also well aware that the time commitment for therapy is unworkable for many people even leaving aside problems of insurance.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8bqnfc", "comment_id": "8bqnfc"}, {"question": "ADHD-PI, food allergies, IBS, anxiety, nearly all stims wire me up, what's wrong with me?", "description": "[6'3\", 190 lbs, 37 year old male, Western Washington area, taking Adderall IR 10mg 3x day for ADHD-PI. Also taking Benadryl 50mg and Melatonin 6mg for sleep]\n\nI'm at my wits end. I've been trying to get to the root of my health issues for the last ~10 years and have made some progress, but I still feel pretty shitty and I'm losing hope fast. Does anyone have any idea what's going on? Would appreciate any (constructive) input / theories. Have seen multiple doctors, a couple of specialists (autoimmune), but no one has any conclusive evidence to help me. \n\nSummary: ADHD-PI (clinically diagnosed), multiple food sensitivities (gluten, dairy, random things like bananas and asparagus), sensitivity to meds (e.g. tried blood pressure meds like Intuniv and Clonodine to help with stimulant anxiety but feel super groggy, even at super low doses) and methylated vitamins (low dose methylfolate makes me anxious as hell, active B6 makes me super drowsy), MTHFR (homozygous MTHFR A1298C, MTR A2756G, and BHMT-02), IBS until I stopped gluten and dairy (mainly very gassy), still rears its ugly head now and then. Long-acting ADHD meds make me feel super jittery / wired, short-acting are tolerable but I still don't feel great. Labs (e.g. TSH, CBC Diff, Metabolic panel) come back more or less normal, vitamin levels (e.g. Magnesium, B vitamins) were low until I started supplementing despite eating very healthy. I'm currently taking Adderall IR 10 mg 3x day and that's it...no vitamins or anything else. \n\nDetails: \n* Clinical diagnosis of ADHD-PI: Was always the spacey kid in class who daydreamed all day, ever since gradeschool. Tested bright but not meeting potential. Intermittent bouts of hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Started taking prescribed stimulants in college, helped with concentration but had a lot of side effects (primarily anxiety), even on low doses. Tried all different kinds but not much difference (i.e. Ritalin SR and LA, Concerta, Focalin, Adderall IR and XR, Vyvanse, Dexedrine IR and ER, Evekeo). Long-acting were a LOT stronger than short-acting, I would feel strung out all day on long acting but could manage on short-acting. Thought maybe it was a stomach issue but Vyvanse isn't supposed to be impacted by stomach acid and it wired me up more than Adderall XR. Also tried BP meds to help with stim anxiety (i.e. Kapvay aka Clonodine and Intuniv aka Tenex), I felt a lot better but had blurry vision and was very drowsy so borderline non-functional. Still not sure why this happens, seems pretty atypical? \n\n* Social anxiety suddenly hit around 5th grade..remember suddenly feeling anxious and wondering why I was self-conscious around other people. Seemed to come out of the blue and never really went away. Not sure if this points to a biological change? \n\n* IBS (frequent gassiness) started in high school and continues to this day. Diet changes have helped some (mainly no gluten and dairy) but it still comes and goes. It's a lot better now but it was to the point in college where I had to leave multiple times during a 1 hour lecture to fart and considered quitting school. \n\n* Sensitive to meds: Typical things that you can take to help reduce stimulant side-effects (e.g. Intuniv, blood pressure meds) nearly put me to sleep. Tried 1/2mg Intuniv for a few weeks and get super drowsy, blurred vision, and can barely function. Tried Clonodine and Propranolol and am so drowsy I almost fall asleep, still feel some residual effects the next day. Taking a claritin 10 mg helps when food allergies flare up, but I'm borderline non-functional for a day since I'm so drowsy and out-of-it. \n\n* homozygous MTHFR A1298C, MTR A2756G, and BHMT-02: I know, this is probably junk science, but I was eager for an answer  so I took the 23andme test...tried taking low dosage of methylfolate (400 mcg), felt wired and anxious within 30 minutes. Regular folic acid makes me wired and apathetic. Tried taking low dose of active B6 (20 mg), after a few days I feel super drowsy and can barely function. On the flip side, regular B6 (~10 mg) makes me feel super wired and anxious. \n\n* Gluten and dairy sensitive - stopped both a few years ago and felt significantly better within a few days (greatly reduced jitteriness / impulsivity / muscle pain / anxiety / moodiness / and improved digestive symptoms). I never had any of the classic food intolerance issues e.g. hives, the shits, would mainly have gas, anxiety, increased impulsivity, moodiness, sensitive to hot and cold, and fatigue. When I was taking ADHD meds (Adderall) and SSRIs during this time I felt borderline manic at times, like my neurotransmitters were going into overdrive. Read through MACS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome) symptoms and they fit pretty well when I was still eating gluten. \n\n* Suspected bipolar because of the difficulty with mood and impulsivity and feeling borderline manic at times before I quit gluten when I was taking ADHD meds and SSRIs, tried nearly all of the mood stabilizers (e.g. Lithium, Lamictal) but nothing helped much\n\n* Got blood and stool testing after feeling better from stopping gluten/dairy and had some strange food allergies e.g. onions, garlic, mushrooms. Stool showed candida overgrowth, SIBO, and low amounts of good stomach bacteria (not sure how relevant this is since it was from a naturopath). Treated with antifungals / high dose probiotics, may have helped a little bit but nothing significant. \n\n* Also tested positive for Giardia, treated with antibiotics. Digestion didn't improve after treatment.\n\n* Got on SSRIs due to anxiety and to help with stimulant side-effects...calmed me down in some aspects but made me more anxious and pleasure-seeking in others. Tried other SSRIs and some SNRIs but nothing seemed to \"fit\" or feel right, always felt too anxious or apathetic or both. Finally got off them after ~8 years since I didn't like the way I felt or how they interfered with my concentration, have been off them for nearly a year. Anxiety and depression have come back but they're mostly situational (i.e. due to me dealing with health issues and not knowing what the root cause is) and manageable for now. \n\n* Stopped drinking 1 month ago (was having some whiskey on weekends, no beer/wine/cocktails), no improvements.\n\nI've seen multiple ADHD specialists, GPs, and a couple of specialists (e.g. autoimmune) but my labs come back normal. I have no idea what's going on and could really use some advice since I'm starting to feel like there's no way out and I'll never get a handle on this. I'm starting to think maybe this is something like Mast Cell Activation Syndrome because nothing else fits and my doctor's agree that based on my symptoms and lack of reaction to treatment whatever I have seems pretty rare. Any advice would be much appreciated. ", "answer": "Have you ever tried a really good course of evidence based psychotherapy (e.g. adherent CBT) for your anxiety?  Anxiety and ADHD together can be a real bitch, and stimulants can definitely worsen anxiety.  Even when people have distressing somatic symptoms at the root of things, psychotherapy can help learn to cope with/tolerate them.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ph73h", "comment_id": "8ph73h"}, {"question": "Any young drinkers out there trying but failing to recover?", "description": "I'm 23, haven't even gone 24 hours without drinking. I went to work drunk the other day, got sent home, so embarrassed... Every time I think I can go a week I go maybe two days. I find AA meetings very boring (do not mean to offend but was told I should be honest.) I feel awful both physically and mentally. It's so hard to avoid it with all my friends drinking \"normally\". Maybe this would help more...seeing as how everything else I try fails. Thanks for reading. =\\", "answer": "I'm 18 and I pick up 9 months tomorrow, despite the fact that every one I was friends with pre-sobriety drinks daily.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1hula7", "comment_id": "1hula7"}, {"question": "Looking for people willing to share their stories", "description": "Hi! My name is Matt, and I've had OCD for a few years but only got diagnosed with it about half a year ago. I was looking online for websites that provide support and information in a way that seems personal and community driven, though I couldn't seem to find many. I've decided to start a website and a YouTube channel that's dedicated to helping people overcome OCD and help people know that they aren't the only people thinking how they think. I haven't launched it yet, but I'm sinking in money on hosting and the domain already. I thought that a great place to start would be Reddit, where I could easily talk to people. I have a video idea where Redditors could share their experiences with others, receiving full credit. If you want to, feel free to share your experiences below. If you do Ill ask for your permission as to if I can use it, and when the video is made I'll give a link to you! Thanks! ", "answer": "I dont have a story, but good luck with the project!\n", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "685ta1", "comment_id": "685ta1"}, {"question": "AA is a spiritual program", "description": "until I could find a power greater than myself I was always going to be lost.  34 years later, I have enjoyed a life I had never dreamed I could have.  Don't give up on yourself, just set aside for a minute the self-managed life and be open to believe in a power greater than yourself, one of your own choosing!", "answer": "When I went to my first meeting 41 years ago, I saw the twelve steps and thought, \u201cthis can\u2019t work for me, I\u2019m not a believer.\u201d Then I met a guy who told me that when the AA big book was first written a copy was given to various religious leaders for comment. The Buddhist returned it and said they liked it but would change one word. They said that they would substitute the word good for the word god. I\u2019m glad that guy told me that because I knew my conception of goodness was distorted and I needed some new ideas. Then I learned that I had to let go of the old ideas or the results would be nil until I let go absolutely. I never drank or used drugs since my first meeting, I never went to a detox or rehab and I was a very severe drinker, homeless, come out of blackout in jail or smashed up car drunk. Since then I became interested in Buddhist philosophy and learned that there are many parallels. The Buddha taught that there is a way out of suffering. AA teaches there is a way out of suffering. In Buddhism there are three jewels, The Teachings (Dharma), The Followers of the teachings (Sangha), and the Buddha (the light within, the potential for  enlightenment). This exactly mirrors AA\u2019s The Steps, The Fellowship, and the higher power. Buddhism offers a noble eightfold path as a way   out of suffering. AA offers the twelve steps as a way out of suffering. Buddhism has the Brahma Viharas as the qualities that you must develop. They are Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity. AA says that Love and Service are the keys to freedom and working the steps puts you on the best possible terms with everyone you know. I\u2019m not a Buddhist but I do acknowledge the similarities.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "e8rbir", "comment_id": "e8rbir"}, {"question": "Why do therapists participate in this thread?", "description": "After spending so much time at work it's surprising you do extra work for free. It's very kind but I'm just wondering why :)", "answer": "We\u2019re natural born helpers who do the work we do because of this. It\u2019s my passion and what I love to do so this is a way to help (within reason - I\u2019m not giving therapy via Reddit just answering questions or giving compassion and empathy). We have the experience and expertise to answer questions for folks who are wondering about going to therapy and what that\u2019s like. We also kind give people some support or resources they wouldn\u2019t have otherwise. Also I think having people who are in the business that can answer questions about \u201cis this normal for my T to do\u201d is important because it\u2019s a way to help protect vulnerable people who might be in a situation that is legally or ethically questionable or give support in \u201cyes this is normal and here\u2019s why\u201d etc.  \n\nIt\u2019s kind of like a artist who paints for their own enjoyment because it\u2019s their passion not just painting with the intent to make money. The only analogy I could think of atm so it\u2019s wobbly and I\u2019m sure can have holes punched through it but it\u2019s sort of accurate.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "egxrhx", "comment_id": "egxrhx"}, {"question": "Started 10mg of lexapro a month ago, how much longer until I notice some benefits?", "description": "I haven't experienced and side effects nor any subtle affect on my depression or anxiety. Does this mean this drug probably won't work for me? That I need a stronger dosage? Or just need more time? Perhaps I should ask about trying a different ssri? I mainly have strong anxiety problems. Have been diagnosed with GAD, but mainly have social anxiety and I'm quite certain I have undiagnosed BDD, and I've been diagnosed with MDD. Not sure if different ssris work better with different disorders. I was thinking about asking to try Prozac if I don't have luck with lexapro seeing as it's been around a lot longer.", "answer": "Are you working with a general practitioner or a psychiatrist?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3foyfp", "comment_id": "3foyfp"}, {"question": "PCOS and high tesosterone...just started minastrin...what are your experiences?", "description": "Hi all!\n\nI have been off bc for two years,and after my diagnosis of PCOS (with high tesosterone in my blood test, a lovely cyst, and really irregular periods) I have started minastrin fe. \n\nMy question for yall, did anyone notice and differences in their body after the introduction of bc hormones? I know that everyone is different...but perhaps there are some commonalities?", "answer": "My impression is that OCPs sort of mask the problem. They actually make insulin resistance worse and while they do decrease the risk of endometrial cancer because they allow your uterine lining to shed at least once every 3 months, it doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is the cruel cycle of excess fat --> excess estrogen and testosterone --> insulin resistance --> excess fat and so on. Spironolactone is an anti-androgen so it will inhibit the conversion of inactive to more potent/active testosterone and possibly help your hirsutism (if you have hirsutism). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3pmvma", "comment_id": "3pmvma"}, {"question": "I have no real friends. Someone made any, after having none and as a grown up?", "description": "Feeling like 30yr is too late.\n\nThe thing is - I have friends. I will be invited to several massive hangouts. \nEvery single person I know has better stuff to do, people to meet with and etc. it's only by coincidence I get invited, after someone cancels. \n\nPeople will cancel scheduled hangouts with me, being set by me mostly and I can't find a single person to be with me, just for having fun.\n\nNothing else is going right. all I have in my life is money. no SO, just a couple thousand dollars. \nI have one dear friend, the first person to ever meet with me - but her budget and time are limited - and like anyone else in the world, I guess she would prefer other people for special occasions \n(for example - I have a lot of \"invitations for two\" but no one to go with, and I'm sure no one else will think of me as his number two).   \n\n\ntl;dr How do I become the person people wants to hangout with and not just turn him over for the next girl in sight?\n\n\nEDIT:\n\nThank you.\nI WILL TRY TO CHANGE MY LIFE.\n\nBETTER IS COMING.", "answer": "I would recommend the [Start](http://www.amazon.com/Start-Escape-Average-Matters-ebook/dp/B00CHVIVMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370022347&sr=8-1&keywords=start) book. It's focus is more on starting to do work that matters to you, but honestly it's helpful for any kind of significant life change. It has some really useful advice for getting started on changing your life for the better, and it talks a lot about the fear of \"Now is too late\" (hint: it's never too late!)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1fepic", "comment_id": "1fepic"}, {"question": "How normal are violent thoughts on preteens/young teens?", "description": "I had a phase in which I had kinda violent thoughts. This started when I was around 11 and faded away slowly when I was like 16. I would think about killing my family (who I'm really close to), stabbing people, killing people at school, pushing them off balconies, sometimes torture them, setting places on fire, hurting animals (this is the only one that made me feel guilty). I distinctly remember wanting to push a pregnant teacher down the stairs, because she could lose her baby and she would suffer from it. I don't think they were intrusive thoughts because I used to carefully plan those things and I felt satisfaction out of it, I liked the thought of seeing someone scared, feeling that power over them. I also had thoughts about wanting to jump off buildings, but I didn't exactly wanted to kill myself. And I remember feeling constantly angry.\n\nI never acted on it, of course, but I used to threat people a lot, draw and write disturbing things. They faded away by themselves without any intervention, so, in my head and based on the kind of people I got along with (I was in a Catholic school and most of us were there because we were kinda problematic) I thought it was just a phase and it was normal for a kid that age, but now my brother is 12 and he seems so mentally stable, so it made me question how normal actually this is. I've been diagnosed with panic disorder and slight depression, but I suspect ADHD, if that's important. I had it so normalised and I recently got a realization, like \"its probably not that normal\".\n\nAs it's been some years now I would probably ask my psychiatrist but since we're on quarantine, my last appointment was on march, so I would like to hear your thoughts about it. Thanks!\n\nTLDR; I used to feel pleasure out if thinking about hurting people and I thought it was because I was a teen but I want to know if it's actually \"normal\". I'm already in therapy, I'm just curious.", "answer": "I haven't evaluated or treated you, so I can't say anything for sure. However,  since you said this resolved itself with age and no intervention and because you never acted on these thoughts (aside from threars)  I suspect it may be related to poor access to coping skills and little control over your life as a kid. \n\nKids often have no control over external circumstances and may not be taught or modeled internal coping . So,  if your only way to self sooth and feel in control was to imagine these violent scenes,  then it makes sense .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hundm6", "comment_id": "hundm6"}, {"question": "Advice on x-ray performed by chiropractor", "description": "Age:30\nSex:Male\nHeight:6 ft 0 in\nRace: White\nDuration:On and off for about 5 years. \nLocation: Lower back pain that will radiate to upper leg. \nhttp://imgur.com/a/XyYkX\n\nI went to the chiropractor, I've been dealing with on and off again lower back pain for 5 years now. Previously it only flared up when I over exerted myself lifting or exercising too hard. Well I've been driving a lot longer distances for work(I work outside walking around in sand and uneven surfaces) this has been causing the back pain to be near constant during the week. The pain is manageable rarely more than a 5 only a few times in the last 5 years has it caused me to be laid up and unable to do much of anything(less than 3 times). So being fed up with being in pain I decided to go to the chiropractors office, he took 2 x-rays and the front x-ray shows that my L5 is not in alignment. He says he can fix it but to me a vertebrae that is rotated requires more serious medicine. Any advice is welcome, should I seek a spine specialist?", "answer": "It's strange, because even I (a psychiatrist) can tell this looks normal. Another warning about the use of chiropractors.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5xhg2j", "comment_id": "5xhg2j"}, {"question": "Tell me this is what I need to be happy. .", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been in a 3 year long relationship and I think I'm calling quits. He broke up with me back in Feb. over guilt for cheating on me with a coworker at the time.  Claims it was nothing physical but I'll never know so I took him back after HE left me. Months have gone by and nothing is  the same.  I love him but I think I've given up on trying. We are not going anywhere and he constantly disrespects my mother. She has done a lot for him but he seems to no be able to control his anger around her and he disrespects her. His parents have always been assholes to me but I've never disrespected them or their household.  Even when his dad yelled at me,  I backed up, put my hands up,  and apologized for something that I did not do. I'm not happy.  I've already got so much shit in my life that's dragging me down that I feel that this is too much. I love him but it's not the same. I feel we'd both be better off apart. ", "answer": "Yeah....it's over. Move on. Be happy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6kuq0j", "comment_id": "6kuq0j"}, {"question": "Over 7 months alcohol free, want to pass on what I've learnt & help I still need...please", "description": "Hi all,\nJust want to start by saying this app has been a big factor in getting me to my longest stretch a/f since I was 18, I'm now 48. Have posted a couple of times & the responses have been so helpful.\nBinge drinker for 30 years, mainly weekends, couldn't stop until everything in the house was drunk or the bar shut. Would then try & get extra beer anyway I could, found a takeaway that also delivered alcohol, lethal!\nTypical week, drink Friday & Saturday feel crappy til tuesday, start feeling better Wednesday thinking about beer again Thursday. Repeat.\nThe list of positives since quitting have all been listed on this app many many times, they are all 100% correct.\nFeel better, richer, brighter, dry skin gone, better relationships and on and on the list is endless.\nMy 3 boys telling me how proud & how tolerant and relaxed I am, is amazing.\nHard parts; \nFor me, telling drinking buddies of 30 years was the hardest. To get round this, I told my best mate first & then news spread. Nobody really cared to my amazement and relief.\nHow can I never drink again, ever. I just took one day at a time, fill your trigger times (mine was 5-7 Friday's and Saturdays) with other activities. Walks, cinema etc; \nBest thing I learnt from this app; fast forward to the next day. Amazing advice, never forget the shit hangover feeling.\nHere's where I need your help again. I'm getting complacent, the old moderation feelings are surfacing, however deep down I know I can't. Got a few days at the cricket where I'm normally plastered. Any help would be appreciated. \nThanks for listening & I hope I've helped if only a little.\nCheers", "answer": "Hi. Well done. In relation to the cricket game...drive, drive others, food. Also, could you volunteer at the game or help in some way, then your part of it but safer. Im always thinking of ways to stay involved in social events where drinking is a focus, but not drinking myself. Good luck. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8ir0ov", "comment_id": "8ir0ov"}, {"question": "Worried doctor won't believe me", "description": "So yesterday I went to a doctor at a walk in clinic. I told them I was having depression and anxiety and that it was pretty bad. They told me I needed blood work done and an ecg, they prescribed me sleeping pills instead of antidepressants. Is this normal? I had a friend who went and the doctor gave him antidepressants that same day and they didn't need a ecg. \n\nI just want to know if this is normal or if maybe they do not believe me or misdiagnosed me. \n\nThanks.\n\n", "answer": "It differs from doctor to doctor.  If you're experiencing depression and anxiety, especially if it's onset is fairly recent and it's severe, most good doctors want to try to rule out medical issues first.  There are so many medical issues that can contribute to depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc. that no anti-depressant or therapy is going to solve and may cause more serious health problems if left untreated ie. thyroid issues, untreated diabetes, severe vitamin/mineral deficiencies, etc.\n\nWhile most patients would prefer to have the doctor that just writes them a script, I think taking these steps are probably in your best interest.  Lastly, if you're experiencing depression/anxiety and medical issues have been ruled out,  you'll most likely benefit much more from therapy or therapy w/psych meds than you would from psych meds alone.     ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9r0kl0", "comment_id": "9r0kl0"}, {"question": "[34/female] stuck in relationship with [36/male] with intimacy issues possibly related to attachment disorder?", "description": "So I have been together with my partner for 3 years now. We have been living together for 1,5 years. Since last May we are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy. And now the bad part: since the start of our relationship we have been facing issues with intimacy, which in the beginning mainly manifested as issues with libido/sex. I felt that my libido was higher (though not insanely high, like once a week would suffice) than my partners libido. He would hardly ever initiate sex or intimacy, even though he did claim to want and enjoy it. Somehow the drive to actually initiate wasn't there, so I would be the one to do so, which resulted in a hit or miss kind of thing. Sometimes it would work out well, other times I would feel we were on different planets and he just wasn't interested in intimacy at all. This confuses me because at start of our dating, things were definitely on fire. We didn't have sex for a good couple of months, but there was so much foreplay that we both really enjoyed it. I do remember him being hesitant with crossing the line to actual intercourse saying: His libido tended to dwindle after that in previous relationships and that he was scared it would turn out that way. And then it did turn out that way. \n\nWe now have a son, 3 months old, and still having te same kind of issue but it seems to be getting worse. We haven't had sex in over a year. During my pregnancy, he was so blocked from any kind of sexual feeling towards me, that we just gave up. He said it made him feel awkward having his d#$% so close to a baby that it messed with his head too much. I accepted this, and thought it would get better after birth. It hasn't gotten better. We have zero intimacy, and it's not just lack of sex it's lack of everything: we hardly sleep in the same bed/room, hardly cuddle, never kiss, don'' share any kind of deeper emotional stuff and I feel like I'm losing my mind because of it. It's so lonely it's becoming unbearable for me. So last week this situation came to a climax. We laid out all our cards on the table. I told him I can't keep living like this, and want to find a solution. Maybe even open up our relationship to have sex with other people. He is against the idea. Doesn't want to share me with anyone. He finally opens up to me, because the thought of sharing is scary I guess and forces him to open up, saying that he thinks he might have an attachment disorder. Saying he finds it scary to be intimate with me, and that he has had this issue in previous relationships. The longer the relationships last, the more he retreats in every imaginable way. He gets depressive feelings from time to time, probably because of lack of emotional connections with people, but always felt that this was just in his nature. Kinda being wired this way. However now that his son is born, he's finding out how natural it is for him to show him affection and love, which surprised him and makes him think that maybe it's not the way he is wired, but there is an underlying attachment issue. He grew up in an environment in which his dad had troubles showing affection (his father's father was an extreme narcissist) and he used my partner's vulnerabilities against him in arguments. My partner believes that maybe this is the root of his issues of being scared to show his vulnerabilities and be truly intimate with a partner. He also told me that in previous relationships he lost respect for his partners because he would see them getting less and less affection from him and settling for this. He would lose respect and wonder: why the fuck would you let someone treat you this way. The flipside of this is when a partner pressures him too much, he retreats even more because he can't handle the pressure. \n\nSo I am at a loss here. This has turned from a sex-issue into opening my eyes and actually wondering if we ever really had an intimate connection. Do I really know my partner, and have we really ever connected intimately? I don't know how long I can keep living like this, and I am losing part of myself in this relationship, settling for less and less and scared of what it will turn out to be if I keep accepting this for myself. I feel like the emotionlessness is rubbing off on me, and I am becoming a zombie-like person going through the motions but totally neglecting my own needs and feelings. Also feel like a piece of shit every time I see him giving love and affection to our child, but having none of these feelings for me :-(. It's not a good feeling. Does anyone have similar experiences with someone with similar issues, and does therapy help? How do I prevent myself from losing myself in this situation if he keeps refusing to get help? \n\n__\ntl;dr: My [34/female] Boyfriend [36] of 3 years and father of our 3 month old child can't show intimacy or affection to me because of possible childhood trauma/neglect/attachment issues and it is affecting our relationship. Doubting if we ever really had an intimate connection. Is therapy an answer, or should I get out? How do I get him motivated to get help?", "answer": "Therapy is always an answer. He has to be committed and motivated. Couple therapy would expedite the process.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xz5zn", "comment_id": "6xz5zn"}, {"question": "Off my tablets.", "description": "Sooo. After being declared a few things I had a little lapse in taking my daily meds. Then I started to feel closer and closer to taking them again. But then I carved up my shoulder like the old days and all the old parts of me where unblocked. Now I know I should go back on the meds. I know it is dangerous to me and possibly others. I have to go to the doctors on thursday. Should I tell them I am off then. My therapist noticed a huge difference in me and my behaviours. But she is gone for another 2 weeks and that's freaking me out. She is gonna be hella pissed I missed over a weeks worth. Just kinda needing someone to talk to right now. And someone to tell me I need to stop being a idiot. I just really like hurting myself and feel it might get out of control again.", "answer": "Yes telling your doctor would be a good idea. Your doctor and therapist want to help you, and without you being honest, it's harder for them to help. I know it might be scary given you've self harmed recently and you are noticing a difference in how you feel, but they will be able to advise you on what to do next. \n\nYou may have stopped taking your medications in the last week, but you have the ability NOW to recognize how it's affecting you and seek out the help you want to get back on track. It sounds like things were in a better place while you were consistent with your medication; time to focus on returning to that \n\nGiven that your therapist saw a difference in your behavior last time she saw you, did she do any safety planning with you? If so, now might be a good time to whip that out and review it, if you feel like you may be in danger at some point. \n\nYou can do this!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvqoyt", "comment_id": "cvqoyt"}, {"question": "Should I tell my girlfriend I enjoy gay porn?", "description": "So first off, this has been something ive been struggling with internally for quite a bit. Not because I think I may be gay, not because im uncomfy with the fact that I do enjoy gay porn, but because I dont know how she will react to this. I am confident in my sexuality, I know that I am straight, but I cant help but enjoy gay porn (along with straight porn, which is what I mainly view). And I know im not the only one, which is evident by a quick google, but to explain it quickly, I'd say i enjoy it simply because i enjoy thinking of the way gay sex feels. Im fairly into anal play with myself and my gf as well(for her, for me, etc.) and I believe that there is nothing wrong with any of that. The way I see it is, if I was made this way biologically, to enjoy the feeling of something in my ass, then why would it be gay to do those things? Im not so concerned with labels however as I am with just how she'd react, we have had a light discussion on what it means to be gay recently, and she agreed with my whole outlook on this subject to a degree. I just dont want her to feel like I'd ever have any chance of being attracted to a guy, because I am not in any way, nor could I ever be. I dont want to add to her worries of girls and whatnot, and I feel like theres a possibility she could freak out if i told her, also because i've been \"hiding\" this for so long. Any advice or tips would be appreciated, thanks.", "answer": "if you enjoy gay porn, then there are some gay feelings inside you that should be explored, perhaps with a therapist.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68rlu0", "comment_id": "68rlu0"}, {"question": "How do I motivate myself to keep losing weight?", "description": "I started at about 305 in February and I\u2019m at about 230 right now. I was doing okay but I really haven\u2019t lost any weight since the beginning of November, this is mainly due to me losing a lot of the motivation to keep losing weight. I always told myself that I\u2019d be attractive once I lost weight but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be true anymore, I just feel so disappointed and defeated that it\u2019s hard to convince myself to go to the gym or be super strict about counting my calories. \n\nI haven\u2019t gained any weight because I really don\u2019t want to go back to being that big but it just feels so pointless to keep trying when I\u2019m not going to be attractive when I\u2019m skinnier anyways. I don\u2019t know how to convince myself to lose the weight because it would be nice to be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, but I just can\u2019t find a reason to keep doing it. \n\nIll appreciate any advice you can Throw my way", "answer": "Check out r/loseit , they have a great community over there and I'm 100% sure you will find some people there who have been in similar situations.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "e8f3yv", "comment_id": "e8f3yv"}, {"question": "When's too early to move in?", "description": "My boyfriend (20/m) and I (19/f) have been dating about 6 months. While I'm not asking if it's too early now to move in together (as we both have some things we need to handle before that's a possibility) would this summer be too early? By July we would have been dating a year and if we moved in together, we could get (and afford) an apartment by both of our respective colleges. Does this seem too early?", "answer": "if you're solid and committed that's fine", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kxre6", "comment_id": "5kxre6"}, {"question": "Is this something women do?", "description": "Long story short, women hate me. They have hated me my entire life. After 24 years I have gotten use to it. I get it that I am an ugly guy and I will get treated like shit by them. I have not had a female friend for about 12 years so I am new to this whole interacting with women thing especially in my adult life. \n\nMy \"friend\" does not want to hang out with me which is fine. I will always be her texting buddy. In the past she has abruptly stopped texting me. Recently, I have tried not to get too involved in our conversation. Every time I try to create some distance she finds a way to keep our conversation going. As soon as I invest into talking to her she stops texting me. Like just now I see her tweeting but she can't reply to my text. Is it something that women just do?", "answer": "Women do not hate you unless you are doing something to make them hate you. Ask yourself seriously-- are you doing something to make them hate you? There's not much here to go on other than the fact that you say all women hate you...that seems to suggest the problem is with you.\n\nWomen are not a different species. They are people. If you are treating them as \"not people\" that's a good reason right there for them to avoid you.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2h3kmm", "comment_id": "2h3kmm"}, {"question": "Struggling", "description": ".", "answer": "Your defo not alone. Take v good care of yourself. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8tbmf8", "comment_id": "8tbmf8"}, {"question": "Weekly Success Thread: Share your victories large & small!", "description": "As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the \"little\" or \"normal\" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.\n\nThis weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.\n", "answer": "I've been working on talking to my partner more, especially about the hard stuff, and before it's a blow up issue.  It's helpful and is building our relationship, and forces me to overcome anxiety about sharing.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "45k6jj", "comment_id": "45k6jj"}, {"question": "Got bit by a 19 yo human yesterday... am I being paranoid or could I already have an infection?", "description": "\n\nI take care of a 19 year old girl with autism and she bit me pretty bad. It did bleed just a tiny bit but stopped on its own within seconds. \n\nI wasn\u2019t able to wash it right away because I was alone with her and she was trying to injure herself. I wasn\u2019t able to leave her unattended at all for the next 6 hours. \n\nI was stupid and didn\u2019t receive medical attention right away. I have a wellness check with my pcp on tuesday (2 days after the bite) so I figured I could wait until then.  I am up to date on all my vaccinations, though I\u2019m due for my TDAP next month, if that\u2019s relevant. \n\nToday I feel awful. Shaky, horrible stomach ache, can\u2019t stand for too long. The bite mark itself is completely numb but my whole forearm is VERY tender and sensitive to the touch.  I have a purple and blue aura around the bite and the blue goes up my whole forearm. \n\nIs it possible for it to be infected this fast?  I\u2019ll attach [pictures](https://imgur.com/gallery/XxVrPWB)", "answer": "Bite incident = emergency department", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cdnfjq", "comment_id": "cdnfjq"}, {"question": "Research on Biomedical Treatments for Autism?", "description": "Hello! I am wondering if anyone can point me towards any research studies on biomedical treatments for autism. So far I've only been able to find anecdotal evidence, I'm wondering if there's anything more concrete out there. A client of mine is planning to begin treatment for her daughter with autism, based solely on the claims provided by the treatment providers. I'd like to be able to help her make an informed decision based on facts. They intend to test levels of gluten and dairy as well as heavy metals, and plan treatment from the results. Thanks for any help or information!", "answer": "A client? What's your profession?\n\nThere's no evidence based treatment for autism. Whoever is advertising such a treatment is surely a charlatan. Heavy metals etc have no place in assessment/treatment of developmental disorders - ive heard of people selling this idea as a cure for many things, but there's no basis to it. It's scandalous.\n\nEdit: [Info on autism](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/parentsandyouthinfo/parentscarers/autismandaspergerssyndrome.aspx)\n\nEdit2: [Urine toxic metal testing](http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/Tests/urine_toxic.html)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52fmvn", "comment_id": "52fmvn"}, {"question": "Is this a healthy coping method?", "description": "Just to preface this, whether or not it's healthy, it works at the moment. I set contingencies for my suicide. For example, if I'm forty and have never been in a relationship, I'll do it. If I ever go bald I'll do it. If I ever contract HIV or get cancer I'll do it. Things that are not necessarily not going to happen, but if they do it'll be a ways off, so it kind of gives me time to work things out. Like if I have a really bad day, I can say \"oh, well I don't really meet any of these criteria, guess I can't kill myself today\". Is this \"healthy\" or is it a bad idea? ", "answer": "While taking perspective and realizing that minor inconveniences or bad days aren't catastrophic- making suicide a contingency isn't. (basically- the first half is good- the second half is dangerous)", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sh5u6", "comment_id": "sh5u6"}, {"question": "New iOS 12 will show you your screen time. This is my usage on the first day... im shocked", "description": "So I downloaded and installed the new iOS 12 beta. It's really great, but I wanted tot try the new screen time feature so badly. \n\nSo yesterday I was just having fun with my phone as usual. Browsing instagram and visiting useless websites, we all know the deal. \n\nToday I remembered the screen time app on my phone so I took a look. And these were the results:\n\nI've used the telephone for 7h52m !!! On one freaking day!!! WTF\nI've picked it up 186 times that day!!!\nI've had 99 notifications that day. \n\nMy top used apps are: \nInstagram, safari, reddit & Spotify\n\nI really, really need to change this! I'm feeling dead on the inside already, and it is only getting worse. \n\nI'm new here, so if anyone has some good advice, please tell me!\n\nI know that the new iOS12 has restrictions options, so I'll restrict al my social media usage to 30 minutes a day (I need it for work). ", "answer": "If you aren't able to upgrade to iOS 12 anytime soon, the Forest app has this feature built-in. It's $2 well-spent! ", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "8r0wha", "comment_id": "8r0wha"}, {"question": "Any advice for me[19/m] to get over my ex[18/f](odd situation)", "description": "A warning my grammar and punctuation is probably going to be trash, my head is all over the place and it isn't my top focus I apologize.\n\nSo some backstory I started dating this girl over a year ago and we dated for 6 months(The first time), when we broke up it was a pretty shitty feeling because she had a new boyfriend the same day, at first I was thinking that she must have been talking to him while we were dating, turns out that wasn't the case and they were just friends that liked each other I happened to get screwed over. Now for most people and honestly anyone with a brain that would have been it but not me I wanted to stay friends because this guy was an asshole and I could tell(I'm not one to just let someone I cared about get treated like shit). So not surprisingly they broke up after about 3 months. Her and I were good friends still, this turned into friends with benefits situation that turned into another  relationship this time for about 4 months with a strikingly similar outcome but this time it was a new guy 3 days after(improvements right?) we had broken up, again a shitty feeling but for what ever reason I still wanted to be friends this time unsuccessfully. As of today we're officially done talking and I am really sad, which may seem weird because I was screwed over not once but twice. Honestly I wish we didn't date the second time because then we would probably still be friends which meant/means more to me than dating her did. She may have been a shitty person at points but she made me happy even when she screwed me over(Is that messed up?). Friendship is out of the question this time I asked and I am struggling. ANY ADVICE is good advice please.\n\ntl;dr: Ex really messed with my head and I don't know how to get over it.", "answer": "If I were you I would stay off the roller coaster ride", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qexbp", "comment_id": "5qexbp"}, {"question": "What do you wish people knew about ADHD?", "description": "TL;DR: what do you wish people knew about ADHD? Happy mental health awareness month!\n\nFor me, a couple things:\n*ADHD meds aren\u2019t more dangerous than any other psychoactive drugs and the stigma around is damaging.\n\n*Impulsivity and poor emotional regulation are part of the symptoms.\n\n*It sucks not to be diagnosed as a child, especially as a girl, they get misdiagnosed all the time with depression or mood disorders.", "answer": "This has fucked with my marriage and my chance of survival (suicide) far more than it has fucked with my academics.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bmblvt", "comment_id": "bmblvt"}, {"question": "If I have an autoimmune disease is it okay to have an immune stimulant administered to me or will it cause my autoimmune disease to flare up?", "description": "​\n\nM/23/5'10''/145 ibs\n\nnever smoked in my life\n\nmedications: tamiflu, Tylenol \n\nautoimmune condition: narcolepsy\n\nPrevious medical conditions: POTS\n\nI've been down with the influenza A for the past couple days and my doc wants me to get a dexamethasone injection to help with recovery but since it stimulates the immune system I'm concerned it might cause an autoimmune reaction. Is my suspicion well founded or is my understanding of biochemistry completely wrong?", "answer": "Your understanding is completely wrong. Dexamethasone is a steroid, which means it's an immunosuppressant. It can be used to treat autoimmunity and would not cause it.\n\nA quick look suggests that sometimes steroids are used for flu, but it's controversial. I would guess that the idea is to reduce inflammation because of the infection, but there seems to be little evidence for that and immunosuppression during an infection seems like a bad idea to me, but I'm not an infectious disease specialist.\n\nI would make sure you get a clear rationale for why from your doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "adckvj", "comment_id": "adckvj"}, {"question": "I don't know", "description": "I was told by my doctors that I don't have bulimia because I don't binge enough I don't know how to feel about that", "answer": "Just because you don\u2019t fit diagnostic criteria doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t problematic for you", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "hryzi4", "comment_id": "hryzi4"}, {"question": "I keep getting jealous of partner's mother", "description": "TL;DR - I am jealous of my partner's mother because of my own insecurities and it's leading to contempt for my partner  \n\n\nI want to preface by saying there is no excuse for my feelings about her, she is a nice woman and my partner is good to me.  \nThis started when I went on a trip with their family and she basically complained to my partner i wasn't \"Grateful enough\" and i was doing my best to say thank you frequently and be polite, but there was a cultural difference. Basically i came off as rude without meaning to.  \nThis somehow twisted into the mom thinking i'm a rude and ungrateful person and they didn't stand up for me basically, because they're too afraid to challenge their mother. It was frustrating.  \nTheir mom is a very traditional and intense person. I feel like my partner sees her as being much stronger than me, but that's probably my insecurities. She does the same work as my mom but she didn't go to college for it and I got angry about this the other day because my mom is thousands in debt for doing basically the same work for the same pay, and they defended their mom by saying she \"works just as hard and deserves it.\" which i agree, but they NEVER listen to me when i say anything about their mother. It makes me feel threatened and insecure.  \nI think me and my partner will be getting couples counseling at some point, but I just want to know if these feelings are normal? I have issues with jealousy in many other areas of life, but it's gotten to the point that when they bring up their mom i get angry, and that is not healthy.", "answer": "I'm sorry you are having a hard time . It seems clear you want good relationships with everyone involved. \n\nI wonder if you may be approaching this with some dichotomous thinking that is creating discomfort for you. There are themes of fairness and choosing sides rather than collaboration. \n\nI want to give some some examples of what I noticed and you can decide if there is any pattern here or if I missed the mark.\n\n\n\n\n>they didn't stand up for me basically, because they're too afraid to challenge their mother\n\nIt sounds like you see this as either they stand up for you OR they are afraid to challenge their mother.  Could their be a third option?\n\n> I feel like my partner sees her as being much stronger than me, but that's probably my insecurities.\n\nWhat would it mean if your partner did see their mother as stronger?\n\n\n>She does the same work as my mom but she didn't go to college for it and I got angry about this the other day because my mom is thousands in debt for doing basically the same work for the same pay, and they defended their mom by saying she \"works just as hard and deserves it.\"\n\nThis is that false dichotomy again.  Being angry insinuates that only one or the other deserves the job. Why can't they both deserve it? I get being unhappy about student debt , and the people who don't have debt have nothing to do with that. Is the anger productive?\n\n\n>agree, but they NEVER listen to me when i say anything about their mother\n\nWhat do you want to happen? If you are asking your partner to take your side , it may be unfair to have a side. \n\nI am not saying your partner's mom is great and you are bad. My point is that seeing it as you vs. Mom is not accomplishing anything. \n\nIf you feel that your partner 's mom is overstepping a boundary in some way , you have  a right to set boundaries.  You just want to make  sure that you aren't violating their boundaries in the process.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gt0rk5", "comment_id": "gt0rk5"}, {"question": "I finally confessed and now I really need help.", "description": "I apologize for how long it is.\nYou don't have to read.\n\nOkay so I'll give a brief back story.\nI had a lot of problems growing up. I was bullied ever since the other kids around me learned how to talk and hit. I can't really remember a \"good\" day at school. To me, it was just another day of bullying. My family at the time was going through a lot. My brother passed away at an extremely young age and that really messed with or family. My father became extremely crazy and became extremely abusive as well. But it wasn't like he just woke up and decided to become abusive. Years after we escaped from him, my mother told me that he would hit her stomach when she was pregnant with me. He would also do things like yell at her in front of us (my other brother) and make her go in their room with the door locked so that he could hold a knife to her throat so that she'd do anything he wanted. He would hold knifes up to my throat, force me to make racist and sexist comments, tell me I was nothing, told me he didn't want to be my father, etc. Cliche drunk father. As the years went on, I became depressed. I would look at my friend's dad's and get so angry and jealous because of how beautiful it was to see that kind of relationship. Then around maybe 13 or 14 I started to think about suicide. Not actually doing it, but just the scenario and what it would be like. It became the first thought of the day for me. I've never been really easy to sleep so I'm sure some of you can understand the infamous \"lay in your bed and stare up at the ceiling and think about everything you've ever done wrong and how bad your life is and how killing yourself would make it go away\" nightly ritual. \n\nSo when my mom left my father, took us with her, and got the police involved, everything settled down for a bit. I was still depressed but I didn't really know what depressed was. I was 16 and  I was always told \"you're just going through the grumpy teenager phase\". Man I hated when people said that. Then just as everything seemed like it was better, it got worse. My \"father\" (he doesn't deserve to be called that), remembered that he still controlled my mother's bank account and so he took all of our money. Right when my mom was trying for a job. For some reason, I really just got awful. I was introduced to drugs (I know, I know. Cue the strings) and for a while, yeah I guess they were alright but the come down of a high is AWFUL. Then I tried for alcohol. Even worse. With alcohol, for me at least, you've got about 45 minutes to an hour of pure bliss and happiness, and then it really is just hell. I would go to work high or drunk. I remember one occasion, I woke up literally covered in my own vomit. Both sides of my bed on the floor was covered in vomit. My phone, the tv remote, my laptop, and other items were caramelized with dried vomit. I had to put my years of acting training to the test and convince my mother that I had food poisoning. Luckily it worked. I remember feeling so bad that I deserved a mug that said \"world's shittiest human\".\n\nThis pattern just kept going. I found which alcohols didn't make me puke my fucking brains out and just continued. Then I started noticing another pattern. My behavior's. I would get so angry sometimes that I would do weird things like repeat the same sentence over and over again while I would hit myself as hard as I could, while switching back and forth, taking on the personalities of my father and the bullies. I would choke myself and scream things like \"you deserve it you piece of filth. Take it. Take your punishment.\"\n\n*Let me add that I am in no way a violent person. I've never hit someone or got into a fight in my life. I have plenty of friends. I'm one of those people who can make the meanest person laugh their ass off and love me. I'm good with advice and I'm easy to like. I'm the guy who hides behind his pain\n\nAnyway, my behavior. I would get so angry and then, in the blink of an eye, I would be the happiest person in the world. It was scary how fast both of those personalities would come and go. So suicide became a more probable resolution to all of this. It was affecting my life, my family, and friends. I was getting worse. I would look at videos of father's playing with their son's and cry on the toilet (so no one would see me cry). I finally decided I was gonna do it.\n\nI didn't know how to do it. So I just started choking myself and that didn't work. I wasn't doing it right. What a thought. I can just hear my father; \"You can't even kill yourself the right way.\" So I just stayed up and cried. Sleep is always out of the option for me. I just kinda pass out and wake up in a room I don't remember going into. \n\nSo to the point, I finally opened up to someone. My best friend in the entire world. She already knew about my depression, but she didn't know about the suicide and the suicide thoughts. She started crying and said something along the lines of \"You'll leave your brother and mother without a brother and son.\" I told her that I wanted to see a therapist and then what she responded with made me \"inspired\" me to write this.\n\nShe said \"I was gonna say you should see a therapist , but then you told me about hurting yourself and the suicide. They'll put you in a hospital for that. A mental hospital.\"\n\nThat stunned me. \n\nMental hospitals scare the absolute shit out of me. \n\nBasically what I'm asking for, is someone who has ever told a therapist about suicide or anything I've talked about. I'm too old to believe this bullshit but it still scares me.\n-What was your experience?\n-Should I talk to a therapist.\n-What will happen if I talk to someone?\n\nThank you to whoever is reading my story. I love all of you and wish you all the most happiness. \n-c", "answer": "Just want to reiterate that unless the therapist believes you are an immediate danger to yourself, he or she will likely take steps to ensure your safety that don't include involuntary commitment, and probably will do so by involving you in creating a safety plan. Please do see a counselor or call a crisis line. You should not suffer alone.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "2i2y3f", "comment_id": "2i2y3f"}, {"question": "Will my parents health insurance be charged extra??", "description": "Will my parents health insurance increase?? Please help\n\nStory: I\u2019m 23 years old and using my family\u2019s health insurance until I start my job in a few months. I recently had a check up at the doctor and told him I use vapes and nicotine on occasion. I\u2019m now extremely worried that my parents will either find out through my doctor telling my insurance company, or my insurance raising their rates. I would really just like to know what happens insurance wise, or if the doctor reports this to them.  I told this only to my doctor, but will the insurance raise the rates? Or will this affect me later on in the future?", "answer": "Insurance has a right to access health information, but your doctor has no obligation to disclose anything, and I\u2019m sure he or she has absolutely no interest in doing it. Insurance is fairly unlikely to go combing through your chart. You parents do not have any right to your information under HIPAA.\n\nYou\u2019re probably fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hwdax5", "comment_id": "hwdax5"}, {"question": "Confused", "description": "Hey everyone I am in need of some serious advise. I am the mother of a 5 year old girl, and I split custody of her with my ex. \n\nI met someone about 3 months ago that I have been seeing on a regular basis. I am 39 and she is 35. My daughter has interacted with her short term twice now. \n\nHere is the issue. The girl I am seeing told me she is not really a kid person. She's been in past relationships with ppl who have had kids and she said she resented them bc the parent was always trying to force her to be a parent. \n\nWhen I asked her why she doesn't like kids she said bc she likes her freedom to come and go as she pleases. So far, it's been easy for her and I to date because we see each other on the days my child is not with me.\n\nI broke up with her about a month ago bc I felt that I needed to date someone who accepts the fact that I have a kid. A few days later she came back to me pleading for us to be together and telling me she really wants to try with me and my kid.\n\nOver Christmas, she called and asked me if she can come over and make cookies with my daughter and she did. \n\nNow, she has a 4 year old niece whom she simply adores and loves, and showers with affection. \n\nWe had a discussion the other day about a possible serious relationship and future together. She said she hadn't decided yet if that's something she wants....and to be honest I feel the same for the obvious reason.\n\nAnyone have a similar experience? Thougts and advise please!", "answer": "you just have to keep talking. she has to REALLY know if she can be a committed step-parent or it won't work. i would minimize her contact with your child until this issue is resolved. you don't want your daughter to get attached to someone who disappears.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lzbn0", "comment_id": "5lzbn0"}, {"question": "Need advice on this relationship situation", "description": "I'm [26/F] and my boyfriend is [27/M].  I've been having some issues with my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and a half and moved in together 6 months ago. Of course when you first date someone the sex is amazing and hands will not stay tamed, but the sex dropped dramatically after the first year. I figured after 3 years then \"yeah that's okay\"; I've noticed he's been watching porn and may have tried some kind of sexting webcam chats with other girls. (Btw, is that cheating?) he won't tell me what's going on or if it's me, I'll gladly change whatever it is I'm doing. He won't speak up. I haven't had an orgasm in 3 months during sex, plus it seems like he doesn't care to satisfy me. When we do have sex there's no 4 play, just rips my clothes of when it's convenient for him and 5 strokes later it's done. We use to have 20-30 minutes sessions or sometimes all night; and just bathed in the glory of each other's naked bodies. So much passion we had. I'm rejected a lot when I try to initiate sex, so I felt like there was something clearly wrong with me. Am I not attractive anymore? Is he bored with me? I like to have fun in the bedroom. He is not a good communicator, anytime I tried to let him know how I feel, I'd get the cold shoulder. It made me feel dirty because I wanted more sex, just to have that connection with him. Even if it didn't last long and if that's what he's worried about then I'm okay with it; just still be considerate about my wants and needs. Or do it more often than once every two weeks. Ive also noticed that my boyfriend takes a lot of unnecessary showers. I may be paranoid, but some mornings he'll hop in (even tho he showered the night before) and I know he's hard and ready to go; but why masterbate when you can have the real thing? If I'm not around its cool I guess, just don't neglect me.  When it comes down to it you're either going to have great love making or a relationship, is there a way you could have both?  I'm lost for answers and I want our passion back. I want him to want me again. I had an idea about bringing in a toy, maybe before or after he does the act with me. Will a vibrator be insulting or will it turn him on and leave visual memories? If he's down I'd let him be in control. I'm trying so hard to keep the flame alive.  I'm going crazy!", "answer": "summary tl;dr", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s0lt8", "comment_id": "5s0lt8"}, {"question": "Best/most keto-friendly sugar for baking", "description": "Hi all,\n\nLooking for suggestions on which sugar or sugar substitute to use while baking a pie. My mother is making an apple pie and wants to try and make it as good for me as possible so I can actually have a slice. \n\n:) thanks in advance ", "answer": "Well all of the sweetners have a catch. Erythritol (swerve) can cause stomach upset in surprisingly small amounts (for me anyway). Stevia and Splenda have off-putting after tastes. The consensus seems to be a combination of sweetners to minimize their negatives and maximize their collective positives. I have a premade mix of all three and some inositol powder, which is half as sweet as sugar and a supplement that is good for PCOS. \n\nTo make artificially sweetened dishes palatable I've found they need to have a good amount of fat to not suck. I've found that puddings, cream pies, and cheesecake come out best. Almond crusts are okay replacements. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "54xgq3", "comment_id": "54xgq3"}, {"question": "I [24/f] never had close friends. Should I hide this from new people I get to know? Also, how do I escalate my friendships?", "description": "As a teenager, I never spent time with friends outside of school/hobbies, and since I moved abroad to study I've pretty much only had acquaintances, like people I've met at meetups or through language tandems, only see in a group context and don't talk to about personal things. I never really realised this until a couple of years ago, since it was just the natural state of things for me, and I had my close friendships online. \n\nWhat I would really like is someone that I can call up any time, that I can turn to if I have a problem or just really want to spend time with someone and who genuinely enjoys my company. \n\nI've come to realise that building closer friendships requires opening up about things in my life and being vulnerable as well as taking initiatives to spend time with people, and I've tried to implement that. \n\nHowever, I still do feel pretty lonely, because it's such a slow process and I'm still not sure if it's working, and everyone seems to have so many other friends to spend time with and things to do, so I end up spending quite a bit of time on my own. When I'm feeling down about this, and someone I'm getting to know asks me how I'm feeling, how do I answer?\n\nI'm generally all for honesty and talking about my feelings, but in this particular case I'm scared it would feel like I'm putting pressure on the other person (with whom I am building a friendship) by letting them know that I'm unhappy about my friendships/social life.\n\nHow would you go about this?\nand do you have any suggestions for where I might be going wrong with the whole making closer friends thing?\nThank you in advance!\n\n**TL;DR: I only ever had acquaintances, now trying to make closer friendships, but still frequently feeling lonely. When friends ask how I'm feeling, should I lie?**", "answer": "to attain close friendships, you have to gradually increase the level of contact. it doesn't happen with infrequent get togethers.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68t9yg", "comment_id": "68t9yg"}, {"question": "i dont know how you motherfuckers deal with this everyday but you should get a nobel prize or whatever the fuck for it. was at the end of my rope and now I'm done because of this metaphysical plague.", "description": "when you feel like you're not really a human but try to be, and feel like whenever you try to improve yourself and your life you feel like you're imitating a \"human\". when you talk to people but they either cut you off, overlook you and tag you as \"irrelevant\", or look at you like you're socially awkward. when people condescendingly address you as \"buddy\". when your psychiatrist doesn't understand you: she tells you that you've overcame your diagnosis and you're doing great in life, but then suggests I need to go on disability. and when she agreed with the diagnosis I recieved as a child just because I spoke in a monotone voice; not like that could have been because of depression or anxiety, or anything. when your mom ends up telling your relatives on family vacation that you have Aspergers, and your college party hopping cousin goes \"Oh.. The sandy hook killer had that, didn't he?\" and she looks at you uncomfortably, all because my aunt asked me what I was currently doing with my life. when I realized how fucking pathetic it was to hesitantly and uncomfortably tell someone where I go to school, or lie about it. when I had to start attending a special private school because public school scared the shit out of me, and now I wish I graduated from public school because now my mom forces me into the private schools transitional program which isn't the kind of education I want, and feeling like I'm being sheltered and rotting while the rest of general population is getting out there and getting shit done. when you hate loud noises so much you fear you'll hate concerts even more, which sucks because I would like to go to concerts and make music and do fun shit like that. when I go on a dating site and start casually chatting girls up, to only be told \"fuck off\" \"ew\" \"i'm too sassy for you\" \"whatever\" or the classic: Message Seen 1:38 am ...even though I was just being normal about it, and not asking for vagina pictures, or telling them pornographic stories involving the person, or asking for stupid rates, or being unnecessarily materialistic, or how it generally seems like at the least, I'm an \"average looking male\"...............\n\nwhen I just want a normal life but feel like certain things about me are being forced through tubes to the point where I'll only be doing things that showcase my intellectual ability of a certain subject. I don't want to change another part of the world. especially since society doesn't know what to do with that change, or fucks it up.\n\ni know this is uber negative but you feel me? this is such bullshit. I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. constantly I feel like i don't belong here. I even see that there's a website dedicated to aspergers called \"wrong planet\". Every fucking thing that I ever wanted, whether or not it had to do with my effort or whether it was to do with someone else's actions or by chance, has never been given to me. I know you can't get everything you want or have a perfect life, and I'm totally cool with that, but when everything you desired has gone to shit, like what the fuck?!?!?!?!?! I'm becoming more and more sure Aspergers might have to do with it. Even though I have no fucking idea why I was diagnosed anyway. I'm not even sure if a diagnosis at six years old can be completely reliable. The only symptoms that I think really resonate with me are sensitivity to certain smells, hyperfocus, and unofficial symptoms are quiet, introverted and mildly awkward disposition, over sensitivity (no srsly I hated the fuck of it when teachers would scold me) and looking deeply into things. But alas if I have it, there must be some symptom related to it that is affecting my life so deeply. I'm sure.\n\nyou can downvote this. but I really needed to get this off my chest. i just have a strong urge to throw in the towel, i cant deal with autism. Not for me.", "answer": "Just in case, go here: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "2425ut", "comment_id": "2425ut"}, {"question": "I dont think I have a tail bone!", "description": "Hi, I'm a 22 year old white British female in a healthy weight range and no major health issues that I know of! Basically as the title says I think I was born without a tail bone, my mum has mentioned this in the past but said that the doctors never really looked into it when I was a child. I've had a little Google and can't seem to find anything about not having a tail bone so I have no idea if it's something I should bring up on my next GP visit. I've always had issues with my hips since I can remember, If I walk a long distance I get a feeling like my hip isn't quite in the right place, sometimes quite painful, and sometimes feels like it 'pops'. It's honestly hard to explain. Also I have two deep dimples about an inch above where my tail bone/spine appears to end which have been there since I was a baby. I have no idea whether the hip issues and dimples are related to not having a tale bone (I can take pics if it would be helpful). I have had a feel of the area on several occasions and it feels completely different to my OH (who has a completely normal tale bone) more like a rounded stump with no sort of curve inwards. Is this something I should be worried about? Should I consult my GP or will I just sound like an idiot?", "answer": "It sounds... unlikely. You never know - your GP will have your childhood records anyway. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9kt17i", "comment_id": "9kt17i"}, {"question": "What should I do???? I'm clueless", "description": "(15/F)So there is this guy (15/M)and he has liked me for a long time now (3-4 years) and he wants to date me but he does things that I don't want to get involved with. He likes to drink and smoke weed and I don't want to do anything with that stuff. I'm scared that if I do date him then will I get influenced by him? I've never dated anyone either so do you think he should be my first boyfriend? When I text him he seems like a whole different person and I like him but then I see him in person and he is the exact opposite. Idk what to do. I get butterflies sometimes when I'm around him but I'm thinking about how he's texts me. What do you think I should do?", "answer": "follow your instincts. alcohol and weed are not for you, and you'll get sucked into it. stay away from him.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74c2wh", "comment_id": "74c2wh"}, {"question": "I (25F) made a new friend (35M) who is really clingy. How do I enforce my boundaries while maintaining a friendship?", "description": "Hello,\n\nI will try to be fairly vague, to avoid any hurt feelings if this person is a Redditor. I met a man in town who I enjoyed talking to (we encountered each other rather frequently), and we added each other on Facebook and found that we shared a lot in common. Since then, we've gone to two events together, and hung out a couple times a week. \n\nIt's worth noting that on my own, I will hang out with other people once, maybe twice a week - Never more than that, usually less. But, I'm unemployed, he knows this, and I wake up most mornings to him asking if he can come over on his work break. If I say that I am studying and am trying to focus, I have to repeat myself a couple times before he realizes what I'm doing is ending the conversation. When I tell him we've hung out too much that week and I need my personal space, he still asks to hang out the next day. Now, after knowing each other for a month or so, he's doing things like giving us a 'friend duo nickname' and asking about and subsequently inviting himself to everything I try to plan.\n\nI've started avoiding bringing my phone anywhere because its starting to stress me out how much this guy is trying to get in touch. I enjoy hanging out with him every once in a while just like i do all my other friends, but I have no idea how to enforce those boundaries firmer than I have been. Every time I think of something, I worry he might just not want to be my friend any more. And why would he? Shouldn't he have a friend who WANTS to hang out with him?\n\nDoes anyone have any advice on how to handle particularly clingy friends? Or how to 'handle' friends who are a little high on the awkward scale??", "answer": "just have to gently say no when you need to and be consistent", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tbk5p", "comment_id": "5tbk5p"}, {"question": "26M 230lbs 5'11\" is it safe to fast for 30 days?", "description": "I wish to achieve radical weight loss results and would like medical advice on what is the longest period of total fasting (besides water and vitamin supplements) that I could undergo", "answer": "It is probably survivable but not safe to fast for a month. You would certainly not be able to maintain any level of function.\n\nThe evidence on the effectiveness of fasting for weight loss is mixed at best. Losses from the period of not eating tend to be regained, often with extra, once you resume eating. It is not the weight loss program that I would recommend, though I am not a dietitian or weight loss expert.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9jfj7q", "comment_id": "9jfj7q"}, {"question": "Seriously at my wits end with this fear", "description": "I've been dealing with this my whole life. I decided I was done living in fear and avoiding every little aspect of a good, fun life. I started exposure therapy two months ago and it helped with my hand washing and eating out at restaurants. But I still don't feel normal. I had to get a surgery done at the dentist yesterday and they brought me 4 antibiotic pills to swallow which I wasn't expecting. I started having a panic attack and explained to them why I was so afraid of taking them. They all just stared at me dumbfounded. I started hyperventilating and couldn't calm down even after they took the pills away. They had to help me breathe so I wouldn't pass out. I have never hyperventilated before in my life and that's when I realized I really do not have this anxiety under control. So I made an appt with a psychiatrist to hopefully prescribe me prozac that I used to take as a kid. But again, it's a pill... and I'm afraid. But it feels like my last option at a good life. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I'm so jealous of all my friends that can just get drunk and ride airplanes and rollercoasters like it's no big deal. I feel like this fear is all I am anymore. My life, my personality revolves around it and it's just so shitty I can't do anything without thinking about it. Sorry for the rant guys, I'm just so fed up.", "answer": "I'm sorry you're having such a rough time lately :( Know that some set-backs are normal though - progress in therapy doesn't happen in a straight line! Also, exposure therapy for a phobia can take awhile to create some real change. Two months isn't all that long, depending on how severe the phobia is. Keep pushing and don't be discouraged by this bump in the road! There is hope.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "bf0uk1", "comment_id": "bf0uk1"}, {"question": "I've been to doctors, but still no explanation for these low level hallucinations that are worsening? Pics included.", "description": "Ok, so whenever I look at patterned that include dots, be it rugs, walls, tables or ceilings, they move around. It used to just be at the edges of my vision, then it progressed to anything just out of my FoV, now even the parts I'm looking directly at move. It's like tiny dots moving and swirling in my vision. Does schizophrenia usually start off like this? I'm worried, because people kept telling me that it was normal, or just anxiety, but its getting worse. Here's some examples of what triggers it. http://imgur.com/a/DDyuN", "answer": "You've asked this before and I responded. You're not hallucinating, and it's not indicative of a psychotic disorder. If anything, your visual perceptions will be precipitated by your anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "545wb5", "comment_id": "545wb5"}, {"question": "Should I see a therapist or is it really possible that I'm \"cured\"?", "description": "So I'm a victim of child sexual abuse as well as rape. The sex abuse came to light to my mom but I was so horrified and embarrassed and she was going through a divorce (not an excuse, but still worth mentioning) and we were pretty much on the brink of poverty that for a few months she begged me to see a therapist and relented when I said no repeatedly. I love my mom with all of my heart and she is honestly my best friend. I do admit I harbored a LOT of resentment as a teenager but now I don't feel anything negative towards her. \n\nThroughout high school (I'm 22 now) I was depressed as hell. I developed an eating disorder (that still fucks up my heart any time I throw up) and self-harmed and contemplated suicide quite often. I like to think that I was pretty good at hiding it because I had a pretty active social life and have always been told that I'm really funny/entertaining/whatever. \n\nI can't actually tell if I was good at hiding it or if my friendships were so superficial nobody brought it up...either way, here I am today. I was depressed for at least 5 years. I saw a therapist for a few months this past December and mentioned the sexual abuse. He asked about it and again, my reflexes kicked in and I denied it affecting me and he never pressed the issue. I liked him enough and he was really kind and understanding but I just stopped going...I told him I was \"better\" and he accepted my answer. This was through my university as it was pretty much the only help I could afford and they advertise it from the start as a temporary solution.\n\n\nI honestly don't know if I'm really okay or if I'm just numb. I don't actively contemplate suicide but I'm not bothered at all when I imagine it. I don't feel pain much anymore but I also don't feel motivated at all. I kind of just go to work and school without thinking. I feel like I'm going through the motions. I have been in a wonderful and caring relationship for the past four years and honestly don't really remember much of it. Everything is kind of foggy. I can't even remember what it felt like to be completely happy...or maybe I do and I just am expecting more from happiness? I have no idea if any of this makes sense. I know nobody here will be able to confirm whether or not I'm okay but I guess I'm asking if anyone else has an experience like this and what they did?", "answer": "It is possible that you are \"cured,\" although you seem to describe still experiencing a lot of negative stuff. If I knew you IRL and you told me all this I would probably encourage you to seek out a therapist.\n\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "46t3df", "comment_id": "46t3df"}, {"question": "\u2764", "description": "How everyone had a good day!\nIf not message me", "answer": "What do you know about butt plugs", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "cxoyas", "comment_id": "cxoyas"}, {"question": "19 male uk. For the past 3 days I've been having what I can only describe as calm, irritating, panic attacks.", "description": "The basic symptoms of my problem are these: when I don't move my limbs very much they start to feel out of my control... as if they're falling off my body. They start to feel much more inflated than they actually are so that if I'm holding an object in my hands at the time it feels much smaller than it actually is. Mentally I feel as if I'm leaving my body entirely. These symptoms generally get worse when I look at a computer screen, phone screen, or the lights are on. If I move my body then the symptoms tend to go. Everyone I've told about them so far has suggested that these are panic attacks.\n\nExcept that I'm typing right now while I'm allegedly having a panic attack. I don't feel panicked at all. I feel quite calm. If I had to assign myself a negative emotion then I'd say that I'm irritated. Just slightly annoyed. Confused about why it is that this is occurring. I've checked my pulse and it's normal. My breathing is normal. I'm not sweating profusely. I could say that I do have a bit of a hot tingly sensation through out my body.\n\nAbout three months ago I had heart palpitations induced by marijuana consumption. I've had on and off palpitations since then. I have what the doctors have called benign arrhythmia, but the doctors are seeing me about that because it causes dizziness and blurred vision. Neither of which appear to be relevant to these other symptoms.\n\n6 foot, 75 kg, white, ", "answer": "Well, it's not a panic attack if you're not panicked.  Could be medical.  From a psychological standpoint, it sounds more like some of the symptoms of depersonalization/derealization.  Not saying you have this disorder, but the feelings you describe are more in line with these than with panic attacks.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "3i7swz", "comment_id": "3i7swz"}, {"question": "I thought I was doing better", "description": "So I was recently diagnosed at 20 years old with ADHD and a bunch of other things. I got put on Zoloft about 2 months ago and Abilify 2 weeks ago. I thought I was doing much better when it came to being more social with people and managing my symptoms when it comes to ADHD. I\u2019m a hockey player and I wasn\u2019t really able to play when I first started Zoloft while getting used to it but I was quickly able to get back into things, until today.\n\nMy coach decide to a check to make sure we have everything we need daily, warned us in advance and gave us a list of things he\u2019ll be checking for and if we don\u2019t have everything, we\u2019ll get sent home. I was so focused on getting everything that I forgot my binder, which has all of our plays and team culture written in, the most important thing. So of course I got sent home from practice.\n\nI\u2019m tired of forgetting things all of the time and tired of thinking I\u2019m doing better when in the end I\u2019m just not. How do i not feel like a total failure of a person? Why of all 30 people on this team it has to be me, a third year veteran who should be able to do these simple things? \n\n", "answer": "Zoloft and Abilify are both good meds... for the right problems. They may not be the right meds for you, particularly since they are not for ADHD specifically (Zoloft is an SSRI antidepressant and Abilify is an atypical antipsychotic often prescribed for purposes of mood stabilization and is sometimes used in treatment of ADHD). Have you talked to your doctor about meds specifically for ADHD? There are non-stimulant options available if that\u2019s a concern for you. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "aioj0u", "comment_id": "aioj0u"}, {"question": "[22/m] Jealous and paranoid because of past experiences, How do I prevent this from ruining my new [21/F] relationship? (x/post r/advice)", "description": "Posting from a throwaway.\n\nI was in a long... Long term relationship, It was my first serious relationship and it lasted for about 5 years, It was also extremely toxic and my SO at the time was more manipulative than I realized until toward the end of our relationship. There was a lot of lies and a lot of infidelity, some of it involving mutual friends.\n\nI've since broken up with this person and found myself with a much more trustworthy and enjoyable individual, The problem is that I find myself constantly paranoid and jealous that history will repeat itself and this new person will wrong me in some way.\n\nIn my heart I know that my current SO would never do anything like that, They're an incredible person and one of the most honest and grounded people I've ever met, that said however it doesn't stop my mind from racing just because they went to hang out with their friends or didn't return a text. It's small things like that that turned out to be signs of much larger problems in my previous relationship.\n\nI'm afraid that this unfounded paranoia brought on by the baggage of the past will somehow sabotage a good thing that I've found for myself. I've told my current SO the full extent of the troubles involved in my previous relationship and warned them that at times I may be excessively jealous or paranoid and promised to do my best to not let that ever interfere with our happiness and they understood entirely.\n\nStill I would like to avoid these thoughts all together, they cause me a lot of unneeded stress and anxiety even though I realize that they couldn't be farther from the truth, but the small 1% chance that I'm wrong is enough to keep my mind racing in an endless spiral of paranoia and anxiety.\n\nI'll never act on these thoughts, because I recognize them as ungrounded paranoia, but how can I overcome them entirely?", "answer": "My first question would be do you have anxiety in general and if you do is it something you need to see a therapist about. If you don't have any psychiatric history and this purely has to do with a bad past experience, Then I would stay focused on the facts about your girl- friend that suggest she's a very solid and trustworthy person. At the end of the day, we either trust or we don't.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5qf41s", "comment_id": "5qf41s"}, {"question": "Was this a hostile thing to say to my therapist?", "description": "My therapist seemed to get slightly offended, mentioning shortly after i said this how he is in the \"position of authority\". I said \"I dont like psychiatrists because I feel like they just push pills on people to make money. But I like psychologists like you because I think they don't have ulterior motives, and I think they deserve to make more money than they do.\" Was that a hostile thing to say? Dont even trust my own judgement anymore. ", "answer": "Doesn't seem hostile to me.  He may have been concerned that you're apprehensive to work with a psychiatrist along with him if he believes you could benefit from meds.  Just my guess,\n\nI'd ask him.  Nobody on Reddit can give you a better answer to what he was thinking or how he perceived it than he can.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9z1611", "comment_id": "9z1611"}, {"question": "Subclinical Hypothyroidism - 5.24 - should levothyroxine be prescribed/taken?", "description": "TSH level - 5.24\n\nGP prescribed levothyroxine (0.025mg).\n\nExperienced sinus infection and took antibiotics, after had fatigue. Did bloodwork and iron was very low - so taking FeraMax 150 daily.\n\nDo not have typical symptoms of hypothyroidism - no sentisivity to cold (actually experiencing sensitivity to heat), no weight gain,etc. But GP said to take levothyroxine due to fatigue (which could be caused by the low iron). (Another DR at clinic said he would not have prescribed levothyroxine since the TSH result could be a \u201cblip\u201d.)\n\nAfter taking levothyroxine for about 40 days, there is no improvement with fatigue (still off and on). Will speak to GP again in a week (on break) but she said to wait for an appointment with a specialist (in Aug.) to decide whether to continue taking levothyroxine.\n\nThis is confusing. Should levothyroxine have been prescribed? And can medication be stopped after 40 days to check to see whether the elevated TSH reading was in fact, a blip?\n\nAny feedback would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Unless thyroid hormone levels (usually free T4, sometimes free T3) were checked and low, a slightly elevated TSH is not hypothyroidism and there's no reason to treat it. There's probably no harm in a very low dose of levothyroxine either, but it's not going to fix fatigue that isn't caused by hypothyroidism in the first place.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gy1kqp", "comment_id": "gy1kqp"}, {"question": "Always planned on being dead by the time I reached 25, that's only 3 months away. But living my life with that mindset that the future doesn't matter has led to many bad decisions that are making my future hard.", "description": "No savings, bad credit, no vehicle, job or home, a string of bad relationships, health problems from past drug use/addiction and bad self care, made alot of enemies, and ruined alot of peoples trust, ruined great opportunities and let this disorder along with bipolar disorder just get worse and worse untreated and so much more I can't put into words easily.\n\n I'm finally trying to live my life and be happy, working with a therapist, back on medicine. But sometimes the problems I created for myself from living with the \"I'll kill myself soon so what I do now doesn't matter\" mindset make me feel like I can never live a \"normal\" life, not normal in the 9-5 job, wife, kids and house sense but normal as in being able to keep my moods under control and not ruining all my close personal relationships. Not being self destructive not having constant invasive suicidal thoughts.\n\n The good thing is I read stories of people who have successfully turned their lives around and are managing very well with this disorder. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm too far gone. \n\nThis is more just me venting seeing if anyone can relate. But if anyone has advice I'm open to anything you have to say. \n\nAlso apologize for rambling and grammatical errors my mind is going a mile a minute currently. ", "answer": "Lol.. I had that same mindset. In high school, I thought I'd die before I graduated. Then I graduated and thought I wouldn't make it past college. And again, and again, except I had made a plan when I was in middle school that i will kill myself at 27 if I made it to that point. The 27 club you know. \n\n4 years ago I graduated with my masters degree. Last year I got married. My wife is currently pregnant. It's been amazing. And I never imagined I'd be here. How did I do it?\n\nHonestly I chose to become a therapist. I learned about this disorder and I learned about dbt, and I learned how to be the guy in the chair. And from there I learned how to accept help and change. I could have gone to therapy and learned that way, but I taught myself. It took years of hard work. I burned a lot of bridges and lost many friends. I still struggle with anxiety and impulsivity. I smoke weed and sometimes have to force self care. But I never stopped and never gave up, despite planning to do so. You can do it too. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "avvx97", "comment_id": "avvx97"}, {"question": "Completely in love but he can't bare to live with me.", "description": "\u2022 I'm so sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but I'm desperate and any help would be appreciated (even if it's directing me to the right place to post!) \u2022 \n\nWhen I first met my other half, I knew very quickly that he was \"the one\". We get on incredibly well, he's amazing and supportive and we always have fun together. When I look at him, I see my future.. pets, house, our family, the whole lot.\n\nI moved into his house after we had been dating for a year and I've been living here for a couple of months now (and basically lived here anyway before he officially asked me to move in). Recently, things seemed a little off. We weren't our usual selves but he always insisted he was fine.. until last night.\n\nHe finally broke down and told me he couldn't bare to live with me, he NEEDS time alone and me being in a different room doesn't feel like enough space. Not that he feels like he needs to be apart form from me but that being in the same house with me full-time is actually stressing him out massively and making him angry / want to lash out. He said it's nothing to do with my stuff or me but more a person being there all the time.\n\nApart from his family, I am the first person he has lived with and since leaving his family home, he's been by himself for a couple of years. He's suffered from depression in the past and I'm not sure if this may be part of it, as we're going through some money troubles at the moment (since leaving university in May, I have been unable to permanent, full-time find work to help pay the bills).\n\nHe has asked me to move out and I'm unsure what will happen to us. He tells me he still completely loves me and is so scared of losing me but I'm unsure if there's a future for us if he cannot bare to live with me full time. I love him, with all my heart, and the thought of losing him and our amazing relationship is killing me.\n\nWhat can we do? Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Could this be a mental health issue? Or something else?", "answer": "Although it really is different for everyone and there's indeed no \"right answer\" I think only dating for a year especially when \"you were practically living there\" for a while really isn't enough time to make the leap to living together.  \n\nOn top of that, it sounds as though he has been supporting you for a little while now.  That's a whole lot of stress that maybe he didn't sign up for.  Along with that goes the fact that you are probably spending a lot of time in the house (not having full time work).\n\nI have two suggestions.  Follow through with his wishes, move out, try to maintain the relationship and give it more time before you try living together again.  \n\nThe 2nd, either take a vacation without him, take day trips in the weekends, go spend more time at friends houses, whatever it takes to give him some alone time.  \n\nI certainly can't diagnose him or say what may or may not be causing him to feel this way since I'm not actually working with him.   I will say that wanting some time to be alone, even away from the ones you love most is completely normal.  You each need to find a way to balance enjoying time together, but giving each other a good amount of space.  It's one of the more difficult tasks when living together as a couple.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6skll4", "comment_id": "6skll4"}, {"question": "Prozac and Xanax", "description": "Hello,\n\nI'm a 26 year old female in the U.S. who suffers from GAD, depression, and OCD. \n\nI recently aged out of my dad's health insurance and from now until early February (when I move to a new state), I will not have insurance.\n\nI've been on 20 mg of Prozac for about 10 years now. I'll be covered with my meds for a few more months.\n\nRecently I've developed a fear of flying that has interfered with my ability to do my job and attend to my personal life.\n\nSeveral family members and friends have suggested Xanax to me, as a medical aid to get back to flying. However, I'm concerned with how my Prozac may interact with the Xanax.\n\nBasically, I would love to NOT have the physical anxiety symptoms and I want to lose the racing thoughts. I don't want to be completely \"drugged out\" in case I need to make a connecting flight or in case of emergency.\n\nDoes anyone have any input/insight into how a Prozac user may react to small, sporadic doses of Xanax?\n\nThank you very much!\n\n", "answer": "You'd probably be fine taking both - but benzodiazepines like alprazolam are plasters rather than cures.\n\nEver thought of being on a higher dose of fluoxetine instead?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lpzjo", "comment_id": "5lpzjo"}, {"question": "I think I may have gotten infected with an Amoxicillin-resistant URI!", "description": "I work in a small office with just my boss and I, recently she has been sick but has been forced to come into work because we work in HR and someone cut off their hand. She took Amoxicillin but received it from shady medical place and after taking it for a week(I believe she didn't take a full round) she continued to have the cough. I didn't show any signs of infection until recently(1-3 days), I have begun to develop a persistent cough similar to my boss but I'm only coughing up small amounts of white mucus at the moment. I do not know if she has coughed up mucus but her cough had the sound of mucus in her lungs. I just want to know what to take to crush the chance of feeling ill and even worse; infecting others with an amox-resistant URI.\n\n22 Male 6ft 3 195lbs Caucasian(Iranian)\n\nI smoke weed, I use a the vaporizer pens daily but occasionally(0-2 times a week) use a bong. I also use a nicotine-salt vaporizer about 100mg total consumption of nicotine-salt daily. I have stopped since noticing the mucus two days ago but it has persisted.", "answer": "It\u2019s not standard to treat URIs with any antibiotic because most are viral and just take time. It isn\u2019t surprising that amoxicillin wouldn\u2019t help; its being used for the wrong kind of infection.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cfov29", "comment_id": "cfov29"}, {"question": "Hair loss help!", "description": "Hello ladies! I've been browsing for some informative hair loss posts but haven't found much.. so I was wondering:\n\nHas going on birth control helped manage hair loss?  (Just started lo -ogestrel myself and hoping that helps out )\nWhat has and hasn't worked for you?", "answer": "I'd like to know this, too!", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4196ua", "comment_id": "4196ua"}, {"question": "What happened to me? Should I be concerned?", "description": "Today, something strange happened to me and I thought I would share it with this subreddit in hopes of finding out what and why this happened.\n\nWhat happened was that I had overslept and was late for an arrangement, and because of that my mother called me a name that makes me anxious for reasons I don't want to discuss here. Immediatly after that I started to have trouble breathing and I was gasping for air. I also started sweating, froze in place and I was unable to talk for a while. I only really calmed down and recomposed myself 20 minutes later.\n\nWhile it was happening, my mom told me to stop and said that I was overreacting. She also taunted me, asking if I was going to cry and kept calling me that other name I mentioned earlier. When I did calm down I asked her if I had a panic attack, and she said that I didn't, and that panic attacks always end up in a person losing consciousness. Rather, she told me I had a temper tantrum and called me a little kid (even though I'm not a little kid). After that, she started saying that back in her day there was no such thing as anxiety or panic attacks , and that in poor countries people don't complain about stuff like that so why should I .\n\nI just want someone to help me understand what happened, so to whoever is reading this, can you please help me?", "answer": "It definitely sounds like you were emotionally overwhelmed . This is not an unusual reaction to being verbally abused by someone you love . I'm sorry this happened. Is there someone safe you can talk to?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g21b9b", "comment_id": "g21b9b"}, {"question": "Metformin with normal glucose?", "description": "Hi all, \n\nDoes anyone else have \"normal\" glucose tests and still take metformin? My glucose has always been normal, though I'm sure I have at least some level of insulin resistance by nature of having PCOS. It's nearly impossible for me to lose weight lately, and my gyn recommended metformin to hopefully help with that. I know bad GI side effects are likely, so I just wanted to get some others' opinions and experiences before just diving into yet another med! Thanks :)", "answer": "I also have normal glucose and am on metformin. ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "4ctbws", "comment_id": "4ctbws"}, {"question": "Anxious about taking Xanax for flight anxiety (oh, the anxiety cycle...)", "description": "I've flown many times in my life with varying levels of anxiety (from none whatsoever to crippling panic attacks), though I really categorically hate flying in general. I don't like feeling out of control, and I don't like feeling like I can't escape a situation that's making me anxious, so obviously flying is not something I particularly enjoy. \n\nI talked to my doctor about this, since I have a few trips coming up this year (usually I don't fly more than once in a year), and she gave me a prescription for .5 mg of Xanax. That's ultimately what I wanted out of the conversation--my therapist has recommended that I ask my doctor for Xanax for flying for years--but now I'm scared about taking the drug itself. I plan to practice before my first flight of the year (next Friday) to see how it makes me feel, but I'm really nervous for a bunch of reasons. I'm scared about getting addicted to it. I'm extremely OCD when it comes to flying (I have to do everything in the exact same order and at the exact right times, I have to put things in the right places, I have to chew the right brand of gum, I have to drink the same thing, etc.), so the idea of not being scared like I usually am makes me worried about \"throwing off\" my ritual (which includes being scared) and that if my ritual isn't perfect, the flight will not be safe. I'm so anxious about this whole situation that I don't want even want to try to the Xanax and would rather just not go--even though all of my destinations this year are places I love to visit and/or have always wanted to visit. Obviously that's no way to live (and let's be real: it's not like staying off the plane will keep me from being anxious anyway. I'd find something else to worry about at home haha), so if anyone else has been in this position and can talk me off the ledge, I'd really appreciate it.", "answer": "Xanax is my best friend during a flight. My doctor prescribed me the 1 mg version and I usually take 1 mg before boarding, 0.5 during take off and 0.5 when I start to feel anxious and/or panicked. It's really useful to calm me down but the only issue is that once the stress is over (when we've just landed) the effect is still going and it makes me sleepy during the first day. \n\nI've nerve experienced any other side effects than sleepiness (no addiction or anything). My best advice is to try a 0.5 pill when you are at home and see the effects. It's not a great idea to add your fear of flying with the fear of taking Xanax. With some experience I was able to lower my intake and now I have 0.25 mg pills. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "5nk5s2", "comment_id": "5nk5s2"}, {"question": "Is my BPD brandishing new (Unwanted) tricks?", "description": "Hi! I have bpd (with no known comorbidity)!and for a while now I\u2019ve been dissociating to the point where I\u2019ve been told I\u2019ve gone through my day like normal (or like I\u2019m half asleep in some cases) and I wasn\u2019t there for anything. Like I\u2019d come out and not remember that I just went to work or did laundry, normal stuff. I\u2019ve had entire conversations that I don\u2019t remember having. How could I just black out and go on with my day if I\u2019m not there??? There are some times we\u2019re I also feel like I\u2019m dreaming constantly. Are any of these symptoms normal for bpd? I haven\u2019t been seen by a professional in ages and I just wonder if this is \u201cnormal\u201d for bpd.", "answer": "Do you have a history of trauma?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bs0ddl", "comment_id": "bs0ddl"}, {"question": "Severe brain fog and brick wall feeling affecting school performance.", "description": "* Age: 18\n* Sex: Female\n* Height: 5\u20194\u201d\n* Weight: 130 lbs\n* Race: White\n* Duration of complaint: 2 years(ish?)\n* Location (Geographic and on body): TX. Brain\n* Any existing relevant medical issues\n   * Celiac disease\n      * Not recently glutened\n   * ADHD\n   * Autism Spectrum Disorder\n   * Depression\n      * Decently well controlled. I had to go to the hospital about it about 3.5 years ago, but I am doing well now.\n   * Anxiety\n   * Vitamin D deficiency\n   * Osteopoikilosis\n   * obsessive tendencies\n* Current medications (generic listed in parenthesis)\n   * Xyzal 5 mg qhs (levocetirizine)\n   * Focalin XR 15 mg qam (dexmethylphenidate)\n   * Abilify 2 mg qd (aripiprazole. For autism irritability)\n   * Zoloft 100 mg qd (sertraline)\n   * Catapres 0.1 mg qhs (clonidine. Used for sleep)\n\nOkay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's what's going on:\n\nI've been having brain fog for 2-3 years now, and it has gotten progressively worse. It started with making a few mistakes in math class and has progressed to the point where I cannot get anything done in school (and I desperately need to be able to focus for one more month so I can graduate!). Any time I try to do an assignment, it's like there is a brick wall in front of me. I can't break through it. I can only complete assignments when I'm in the right mood which happens almost never. I can't think, I can't read (even if it is the most interesting thing in the world), and I can't do anything I need to do. The only times I don't feel like this is when I get obsessed about something, or I'm at work. One day I may be obsessed with fixing the formatting of the locations on the GEDCOM file for my family tree, the next I might be obsessed with studying for the PTCE (I'm a pharmacy technician). I can function at work.\n\nIn addition to this, when I'm on my period, I get *really* depressed. Like how bad it was Freshman year. When I'm not on my period, I'm happy.\n\nDo I need to change ADHD meds? Or is something else wrong? I am desperate to find out what to do.\n\n​\n\nEdit: Added dosages and sig", "answer": "Aripiprazole and clonidine are excellent meds (for different purposes) but can cause daytime sedation. The sedation can impede the effectiveness of the focalin.\nIt\u2019s possible that your psychiatrist has already taken all of this into account. But it\u2019s worth a discussion with her/him.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bks367", "comment_id": "bks367"}, {"question": "Bought a house today", "description": "But thats the easy part to do... staying sober on the other hand. I have been at that for years. For tonight, I celebrated by being excited and sober. I had a bottle of wine on the counter for an unrelated reason. It stayed there. \n\nIt\u2019s been two weeks of sobriety, and this time it feels right. I don\u2019t know what will happen next week, next month or whenever, but I feel like I\u2019m in a good place tonight. And I am extremely grateful for that. \n\nI think about SD a lot. I feel supported and I love being able to write random stuff without fear of judgement or reproche. I feel somewhat accountable. This place has worked great for me. Thanks to everyone who shares and supports. ", "answer": "Thanks!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9maj89", "comment_id": "9maj89"}, {"question": "how do you manage having bpd and at the same time with bipolar type 2?", "description": "i'm still in the process of understanding and processing myself that i have bpd. it is my recent diagnosis.", "answer": "80% of the time it's because of medication that the Dr. wanted to put you on. Literally it would be nearly impossible to Dx both without \"double dipping\", using the same symptom for both disorders. BPD includes all the hypomanic behavior usually. If you have a Hx of trauma or verbal abuse, it would be even more likely that they are just doing it because they are 1) crap for differential diagnosis and 2) because an atypical antipsychotic required it. \n\nSorry if that's not your case because this would come off as invalidating, but I've seen it tons and I've never seen a true differential Dx that could show a real difference. \n\nActually I bet a lot of people here we're Dx with Bipolar before they were finally recognized as BPD. \n\nSo, it changes nothing except the books and the pills. What you do and where you go is still up to you. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7xxqe3", "comment_id": "7xxqe3"}, {"question": "Why does my psychiatrist want to talk to my therapist?", "description": "Am I about to receive a new diagnoses?? ", "answer": "Therapist here. I will consult whenever I can, especially with complex symptoms, with other providers. It may be that I want their perspective, or want to offer mine,  or simply to be sure we aren\u2019t doing anything at odds. \n\nYou can ask your psychiatrist. He should be willing to give you an explanation. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9qvhy9", "comment_id": "9qvhy9"}, {"question": "Romanticizing pain as a coping mechanism", "description": "In my psych studies I\u2019ve seen a lot about romanticizing pain, drama, self-harm, etc. and how that\u2019s a bad thing. But I can\u2019t reconcile that with the thought that creativity rooted in pain can be very cathartic, and can make the most of a bad situation. Like writing dark exciting poetry about bad times in my life reframes those events for me. This creativity also allows an empathy to be formed with an audience that relates to that kind of pain. Can someone explain this? Is this the same kind of romanticizing pain that gives people toxic thoughts or want to self-sabotage? Is it something different? ", "answer": "I think that there's almost nothing better than using creative outlets to cope with mental illness and stress.  I think the issue is that many people start to believe that mental illness and pain is a necessity for creativity.  They believe that artists and musicians are/were creative purely BECAUSE of their mental illness.  While it may have played some role as they used their medium to help them cope in some ways, they were creative in spite of their pain and illness.  \n\n\nWhat this does is undercut the seriousness of mental illness and the pain it can cause because often times, those without it, or at least without severe mental illness, think that it's something cool and maybe not as serious as it is.  For the most part, anyone really suffering with severe mental illness or in severe pain would do anything not to have it, while other folks almost wish they did because of the way it's romanticized.    ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "98w9ob", "comment_id": "98w9ob"}, {"question": "How to help someone spend less money and cut down on impulse buying?", "description": "Trying to financially better my SO so we do not run into problems in the future. Any tips on how to help someone save their money or mostly prioritize purchases would be helpful!! Thank you!!", "answer": "Make a budget. Write down how much money comes in every month, how much typically gets spent on bills and food and whatnot (looking at the spending from past months is helpful to figure out what typical food spending is like for example), and then see how much is left over if anything. Having a bank account with and online spending tracker or app is super helpful here.\n\nThen I would also open up a separate savings account purely for the purpose of saving. I opened up two online accounts with Ally - they have a higher interest rate than my credit union, the only downside is it takes a few days to transfer money in/out so I use it for long-term saving. One account is savings for a future down payment on a house, the other is for a car. I estimated how much I would be paying in car payments and insurance monthly, and I just transfer that amount into the car savings account every month. That way I get used to spending that amount and I know that I can't touch it if it gets automatically transferred. \n\nMy credit union offers free financial advising, which helped me a lot. r/personalfinance has some beginner guides for budgeting as well.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "can17y", "comment_id": "can17y"}, {"question": "Inlove with step sister.", "description": "A month ago my 14 year old stepsister (i am also 14) moved from cuba to the states, and ever since I laid eyes on her I have been non stop thinking about her, I constantly hug her because her skin feels amazing to the touch and it makes me feel happy, I currently live under the same roof as she does and we sleep in two seperate rooms, If she asks me to get her something I get it, its not a case of me being her bitch it's sortve as if im sired. I know that may sounf likr overexaggeration, but my life has been completely empty up until I met her, i've attempted to run away multiple times and i've had many issues at school up until I met her, i skipped school, and I was using drugs and ever since I met her all of this has stopped.", "answer": "find an adult you trust and talk to them", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m39s1", "comment_id": "5m39s1"}, {"question": "Feeling sick to my stomach, still eating a lot but losing weight. What could it be?", "description": "For the last few weeks I have been excessively fatigued and tired to the point it is a huge struggle to keep my eyes open. I've been falling asleep at 9pm every night (waking up at like 7) and wake up exhausted with tired eyes. My stomach is slightly upset almost constantly (but has been getting better) and I do not have a strong appetite.\n\nNevertheless, I am eating plenty (I have been going out quite a bit). Yet, I realized I've lost a few pounds, and I feel like I am without any energy (not hungry but the feeling of famish). What could this be? I'm 26 F, healthy, not having sex, and am about 108 and 5'2 or a little over.", "answer": "How much is \"losing a few pounds\" and over what period of time?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6saye7", "comment_id": "6saye7"}, {"question": "What form of mental illness does she have?", "description": "I will start off by saying that I am not really sure which sub to use for this question. Ever since I can remember, my mother has displayed some rather unusual behaviors. Often times, especially when she is stressed out, she will start whispering to her self followed by a chuckle and then more whispers. We have been on the phone at times and she has zoned out and began to do this (which as you can imagine can be quite disturbing). When she is in a good mood, she will just laugh for hours in her bedroom. She claims she is \"just thinking\" but will never have a specific funny event to share. In general, my mom is quite distant (in her own world). She has no problem having a long rant about her issues but it seems as soon as anyone else starts talking about themselves, she zones right out. At one point, the zoning got so bad that even if you snapped your fingers in front of her face she would not react. Once she threw herself on the floor and starting screaming at me while pounding her fists on the floor \"I want milk!!\". A few years ago, she stopped taking her anti-psychotics and she saw a person who was not there in the corner of our apartment. Is this associated with any personality disorder? I couldn't find anything similar on the internet.  The symptoms change from what seems like one condition to the next over the years. \n\n\n\nBackground: My mother has been diagnosed over the years with everything under the sun. PTSD, Anxiety, Bi polar 2, Multiple personality disorder, borderline personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder), recently even ADD. She can not have all of these things. Any insight would be appreciated. I can go into further detail of her other symptoms if desired.", "answer": "r/askdocs is usually the best place for something like this. Nevertheless it all sounds very wierd and my money is on a combination of mental health disorders. She should really see one of us mental health professionals.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "5zqlco", "comment_id": "5zqlco"}, {"question": "Me [40 F] with my husband [56 M] 20 yrs, I think this is financial abuse, but he has ASPD, and we have teens.", "description": "I've tried so many subs, but none seem \"right\"; hopefully this is. (Title is for /r/relationships but...)\n\nI don't even understand my husband's issues except \"personality disorder\" (psychopathy), but I knew that going in, and accept it even now, **so this is about me.** The man deserves to be loved (*everyone does*), and I married young, maybe even *because* judges and other professionals said to pack up and RUN from \"this guy\" (no meds could help him). But he'd been atrociously beaten as a child, and I've witnessed that he couldnt \"help\" it (he \"rewrites\" the truth in his head; I can't explain it). But I've accepted that I can't and won't turn my back on him. I made my bed.\n\nHe never wanted me to work, so I let my degree go to waste but that turned out okay: the man changed my life in positive ways (for real: I used to be so uptight, and now I'm different, in a good way), and he has been a great dad (mimicking maybe, but it works), and imo there is love there (as far as he's capable, I understand). And I think I've shown him \"normal family\" until recently: dinners every night, good conversation, hikes, we host parties, etc. Only sometimes, every year or two, he gets *paranoid*. A few times, it's lasted weeks. But this past time, it seems to have \"stuck\" for almost a year, \"*under the surface*\" (at times unbeknownst to me): we ordered Christmas presents together, and Christmas seemed great, but then the bills came in, and he **forgot** he helped purchase the gifts. I've recently discovered he told people that I ordered the gifts \"fraudulently\" and bragged he could have me *jailed*. (He can't.)\n\nWe own a nice home, half in my name (since before marriage: it was a condition I had back then, if I weren't going to work). He's let it slip a few times that he is looking to *jail* me if I use *our joint account*. (I know he can't, and I fear he might tear off a teller's head if I used our account, so I just don't.) \"We\" had a credit card, but he cut it up and now it's only in his name. It had never mattered before, but since Christmas, he says \"You broke our trust\" (like his is the judgement of God, with whom he is personal friends, of course). He \"allows\" me only to charge gas, but doles out \"gifts\" (food, etc *needs*) and has said I need to get a job to pay \"my\" bills. (He's successful, btw, and it used to be \"our\" bills.) This is scary and new, the way he thinks, but I've been looking for work (bad economy, but I'm hopeful). But worse yet is that the children are caught in the middle; something I never took into consideration, unfortunately. They mean the world to me (and I hope, to him! but I can't \"reason\" with him at all; he says I'm \"playing games\"). I suppose I wanted children with him particularly to \"heal\" him. To show him some kind of happy family life. I most certainly didn't expect **this.** And dammit I don't want those judges and shrinks he had to have been right. I love our kids; he loves our kids. He just has this *thought* in his head that won't go away.\n\nI haven't bought new clothes in a few years (I wear my daughter's hand-me-downs); we never eat out anymore; no vacations. (He's hoarding for retirement; I try to put a good spin on it!) But our teens have to use *their inheritances* (not large ones) for basic needs, because they don't want to agitate him (and they claim \"it's right\" to do; it's **not.**)\n\nThese things are taking their toll ***on me.*** It's harder and harder to not call for help, and really, the only \"help\" I know of is legal:  divorce. Psychiatry won't touch him. In fact, I've sought an ear (counselor, therapist) for myself: as soon as they realize I'm not exaggerating about his ASPD, they *stop the therapy* unless I pack my bags.\n\nSo I'm stowing away money here and there to get my own things (but I always use it on the kids), and try to pretend things are normal. I \"ask\" him for things; he says yes or no. He'll go through periods of intense lovemaking, but then a few weeks of treating me like I'm an intruder (I can't explain it, but it's a little schizo-seeming). But some things he's withheld from me have been ***cruel*** (medicines, where a doctor pulled out her wallet and offered me cash for the antibiotics, which I declined and finally talked my husband into getting for me). I hate this whole \"financial abuse\" atmosphere, but though I spend nothing (he buys for me, period), he acts like breathing air is a privelege he allows me.\n\nI'm looking for a job, but I think I'm truly scared he'll do what he did before I got pregnant: *sabotage* my jobs. I'm too old now to \"job hop\". I'm really at odds with myself, plus **I feel so guilty for letting this tension slowly build and upset the kids!**\n\nI have determined that if my husband tries to sabotage any job I might get, I'll file charges. (No divorce; we've done this before, usually after a physical altercation, where I'm state's witness and he's the defendant. Talk about walking a tightrope: I tell the judge of his ASPD and offer solutions, he accuses the judge of something that shuts *his lawyer* up, he gets found guilty, he's fined, and we drive home together before school gets out.) It's completely nuts. But now, I feel I have to have a new line in the sand, so job sabotage is going to be it, I guess. Between now and then, I'm just unsure what to do. I want some outsider insight, I guess. Maybe there's something I could be doing better. Because I'm still of the mind that **he** shouldn't have to go to jail because his mother *beat* him. (She's dead.)\n\n---   \n**tl;dr**: Husband with anti-social PD has me holed in financially, and I'm scared, and we have teens getting stressed if I stand up for myself (which works best), but surely they're distressed regardless to see their \"awesome dad\" treat me cruelly at times. **I feel stuck.** *If this is \"relationship\", I'm sorry, and I'll move the post.* I don't know WHAT this is, tbh.", "answer": "I see a lot that you don't want to leave him. You've taken up for him, and you've been very understanding of his past and history, and given him as much love and family life as you could have, but at this point, the main concern needs to be for the safety of your children and you. While it seems that you've done your best to hide this from them, I promise you that they know. You mention how awful your husband's childhood was, but this situation can be just as awful. \n    \nWhat kind of family or friends do you have around? Is it possible that you and the children could stay with them? There are also places that help women without jobs who need help getting on their feet. \n    \nI think, as you've shown, there is a clear pattern to his behavior, and it appears to be getting worse. Please consider your children, and letting them get out of there to have a better chance at being kids. \n\nFinally, while this might not be the place, I'm of the (limited) opinion that your husband's condition is more serious than ASPD. It does no good to guess beyond that, but I think it speaks to the fact that your situation might be even worse than you've talked about here. If you don't think you can leave for yourself, please think about your children. If you're worried about them not having a father around, think about what it might be like for them to have him around. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2ezoje", "comment_id": "2ezoje"}, {"question": "What makes a mental illness?", "description": "I always seem to find articles on groups of people that don't fit the social norm (most recently on transgendered people) in which the comments section is full of bigotry, labelling said people as \"mentally ill\", or saying their condition should be treated as much as schizophrenia, etc. To paraphrase one commenter: \"Since we are allowing transgendered people to continue their \"delusion\", giving them surgery instead of treating their mental disorder, why don't we just allow schizophrenics to continue THEIR delusions?\"\n\nAs I see it, people are labelled mentally ill when enough of society agrees that they are. Whether enough means everyone, or half of us, depends on the case, but in the end, it comes down to whether or not others are willing to accept the \"ill\" person as they are.\n\nI am asking this question because I want to learn, so please do not be harsh in your responses.\n\n\nThanks in advance", "answer": "You only have a mental illness when an emotion, feeling, behavior, or cognition is causing you marked distress, and you (NOT society) consider it an impairment on your ability to function.\n\nIf any emotion, feeling, behavior, or cognition is NOT doing this, you do not have a mental illness. So transgender people are not considered mentally ill in the mental health field. This is because being transgender will not necessarily result in marked distress. \n\nIt is common for transgender people to also suffer from mental health issues. However, this is likely because a part of themselves is not considered normal to society, which would cause them to suffer from other mental health symptoms (commonly depression, anxiety, etc.)\n\nSchizophrenia, however, is a disorder that will likely result in several events of marked distress. The symptoms of this disorder will necessarily result in emotions, feelings, behaviors, and cognitions that will lead to impairment.\n\nThis is a pretty important rule for all therapists. I have a client that has diagnosed schizophrenia. However he takes stabilized medication, continues to see a case manager, and lives a pretty normal live. From a diagnostic level, he does not need therapy. It's possible to be schizophrenic and not need therapy, just like it's possible to be transgender and need therapy. It's not dependent on symptoms. It's only dependent on your impairment to lead a normal life. \n\nSource: I'm a therapist.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4b9bjl", "comment_id": "4b9bjl"}, {"question": "State Mental Health Budget Cuts", "description": "I work as a House Manager at a group home in Missouri which provides services to kids and young adults with a myriad of behavior issues and developmental disabilities. Budget cuts are hitting hard and will very soon be affecting the amount of staff we can have at any given time to support these clients. I need help, who can I contact and what can I do to make my voice and those that I work with/for heard?", "answer": "Contact anyone and everyone. Contact your mayor, governor, your state representatives, your US senators, and your US representative. And see if you can find any grants. In these times- searching high and low and being relentless and risking being annoying is your best bet.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1gaacs", "comment_id": "1gaacs"}, {"question": "Not Sure What To Do [15/m] [15/f]", "description": "Over the past year, me and a girl in my band class have become increasingly better friends. We bonded through talking about my past relationship (which was with one of her friends) which turned sour in the end. Every since we've talked a whole lot, and the memory of that other girl has faded away almost entirely. Of course, as guys tend to do, I've looked for other girls. And I ended up looking towards her. We actually have a ton in common, and have similar aspirations. She even motivated me to work towards becoming Drum Major in my Senior year. She's even said that she trusts me with pretty much anything. But I can tell I'm rapidly descending into the friendzone. At the moment, she can't really decide what she thinks of this other guy who she used to be with, and is trying to figure out what she really wants. I don't want to be the shoulder to cry on, but I still want to be able to encourage and help her. How do I maintain a distance while still helping her?", "answer": "Can you be her friend without suffering the pain of longing for her?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6zffdc", "comment_id": "6zffdc"}, {"question": "11.1 wbc.", "description": "30/female 5'5 165 Caucasian. Meds: 1000mg Keppra, 100mg zoloft, junel fe birth control \nBlood work taken on Tuesday\n\nI had routine blood work done on tuesday and received the results today over the phone. Everything was normal, but my WBC was 11.1 and she said they'd test again in 6-9 months. I'm freaking out. \n\nMy blood work from a couple years ago was normal, but I've started a few meds since then (keppra for epilepsy, zoloft and birth control). Could any of those cause elevated wbc? A few days before I had the bloodwork done I had a weird seasonal allergy thing going on, very leaky eyes and nose, constantly sneezing. That lasted for a day or two and I typically don't suffer from allergies. Could that cause high wbc? \n\nDoes 11.1 indicate possible cancer? How common is it to have high wbc? I'm worried about waiting 6-9 months for more bloodwork, should I request it be done sooner? I'm very worried. ", "answer": "Normal WBC is, depending on the lab, something like 4-11. 11.1 is the minimum over normal. In most cases, it's also normal, off by a negligible amount. All automatic flags (high or low) by labs are set such that they over-detect rather than under-detect, so the lab flags that even though in almost all cases it's of no significance.\n\nIf your white count went from 4.5 to 11.1 over one month I might be more concerned, but even then I would suspect instead an infection, maybe even one so minor you didn't feel it. But in your case, you do feel something. High white count doesn't cause sneezing, but sneezing, if it's due to upper respiratory infection, can and should cause an elevated white count. That's your body normally mounting an immune response.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5fqgr", "comment_id": "b5fqgr"}, {"question": "Need some advice", "description": "I have confessed my feeling to my long time crush. She neither rejected me nor accepted me. But after that day, we were getting close. We dated a couple of times. She told me her personal story. We're chatting everyday. But sometimes I feel like I'm nobody to her. I have no clue how she thinks of me. She's talking to every guys who comment on her post like they're close but some guys she don't even know them. She always said no one love her. Oh yeah! sometimes her ex call her she always talk to him and she told me everytime. I really want to ask her what am I to her, but I can't do it. I'm afraid she angry. I'm afraid it ruins our relationship. What should I do? What does she think of me?", "answer": "ask her what her feelings and expectations are", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76caj0", "comment_id": "76caj0"}, {"question": "Tips for those who can't afford therapy?", "description": "Hi all,\n\n\\*\\*\\*\\*Warning that some of what is said below may trigger anxiety\\*\\*\\*\\*\n\nI am new to the sub, but I am happy to be here reading through some of your experiences. It gives me hope I haven't had in a long time. A little background about me:\n\nI have PTSD due to a past long-term relationship with a man who constantly threatened my physical and emotional safety. Many times he threatened violence, carrying a gun on his hip at all times, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what was going on. He raped me while he was drunk, and when I tried to run away, grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back downstairs and locked me with him in his room, where I slept curled up on the floor until the next morning, when he claims he remembered nothing that happened. I also suffered incredible verbal abuse, believing for a long time that it was my fault he treated me this way. There is a lot more to the story, but those are the \"highlights\" so to speak.\n\nI am now happily married to a loving individual who has supported me through seasons of night terrors, constant paranoia and panic attacks, and general mistrust of new people. I am very grateful to have my husband, but I know that my symptoms often weigh on us both, and I have been seeking options to help me overcome the worst of those symptoms.\n\nUnfortunately, though I have a good paying job, therapy is still too expensive for me at this time. I was wondering if anyone had other suggestions, or maybe if anyone has found support and success through group therapy similar to AA? I would really appreciate any insights you all have.\n\nKeep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here.", "answer": "If you have insurance through your employer, the majority of employers now offer Employee Assistance Programs which usually include 3-10 free therapy sessions.  If your employer offers that, it would be a good start and you could focus on coping skills to use until you're able to afford more comprehensive therapy.  \n\nRAAIN is a great resource, and there are sometime support groups for trauma survivors but in my experience the majority are run by churches.  If you're of faith, that can be a good thing; if you're not, that can be uncomfortable.  \n\nThere are tons of self-help books on trauma, shame, moving-on from the past, etc. that can be comforting, helpful and informative.  Anything by Brene Brown is great for this, I also frequently recommend The Body Keep the Score (I have no relationship to either author, I just find their work to be good and solidly research based).  If you have a local library card, apps like Libby and Hoopla have lots of those types of books available as e-books and audiobooks (since it sounds like money is tight right now, free is a good thing).\n\nAnd if sharing your story with others is helpful, one potential way of getting that experience without a group is through writing letters (you don't need to send them to get the benefit).  You might address the letters to a family member, friend, your significant other, your future/past self, etc.  It sounds really strange, but by writing to someone else it turns your brain into a story telling mode which can help to organize your thoughts and emotions about the situation differently than simply sitting and reflecting upon it yourself.\n\nIf you need to talk to someone urgently, there's a free mental health text line you can reach out to.\n\n[https://www.crisistextline.org/](https://www.crisistextline.org/)\n\nI hope you find some good support in the meantime, and I hope your financial situation changes soon to allow you to seek therapy to more fully work through this.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "97jnlr", "comment_id": "97jnlr"}, {"question": "Role of a pyschiatrist during mental breakdown/possible malpractice?", "description": "PREFACE: This is a long post, but my family will forever be indebted to the people who answer this. Thank you in advance for your time.\n\n30, Female, smoker, ADHD/Depression,1 year, mental health, \n\nI am not a doctor so please excuse the non-specific terms like 'mental breakdown' and similar words I use in this post, but here's what is happening:\n\nMy cousin is going crazy and it's obvious to everyone in our family. Long story short, about a year ago, her husband cheated on her. In addition to going through a depressive episode, she has been tracking his every move ever since, e.g. tracking the mileage in his car, reading his messages, etc. To be clear, this is not why we think she is going crazy.\n\nAbout a month ago, she started making insane claims. First, she thinks her neighbors and random people in her development are watching her. She has called the police because of this, and the police found no evidence that anyone is systematically watching her. Then, she claimed that the reason people are watching her has something to do with her husband, and that when she calls 911, her phone is actually being redirected to a fake cop that her husband set up to pretend as if 911 is coming (e.g. the police asked her where in the house she was during one conversation, so she came to the conclusion that this couldn't be the real police, it was someone set up by her husband). Similarly, she believes her husband has somehow programmed her phone to redirect calls (and to be clear, her husband does not possess any particular technical skills).\n\nShe then showed our family a slow-motion, all black video, where nothing in particular is going on, and said this is evidence that her daughter is being molested by the husband. Multiple family members have watched the video and her claim is absurd. Despite that, she has reported to the police and CPS that he is molesting her, using the video as her sole evidence. A few weeks later, based on the data she has from tracking his car, she came to the conclusion that because he makes random stops throughout the day, that this is because he is taking random children into abandoned houses and molesting them (and therefore just returns these random children to their parents after he's done, I guess, considering he does not work with children/has no particular reason to have any formal relationship with children). Then, she claimed that her husband is posioning her via the pipes in her house (which would also mean he is poisoning his own daughter). She got a toxicology report, and they said there is no evidence she has been posioned. This is all in addition to other elaborate, random, impossible to follow, conspirary-esque stories she has told us that no reasonable person would believe (e.g. a few days ago she was at the grocery store, and the driver side door wouldn't open, but all the other doors would. She called 911 because she thought this had something to do with her husband trying to kill her. Similarly, she accused her mom of having an affair with her husband).\n\nTo recap her claims: 1) Neighbors and random people are watching her 2) Husband, who is not an engineer or anything of the sort, has somehow programmed her phone so when she makes calls to 911, the call is being redirected to a fake person who he set up to pretend as if they are 911. Similarly, in general, her phone has been hacked by him and he redirects all her calls according to his master plan. 3) Husband is molesting her daughter, based upon a video that all of my family members have watched, which is simply an all-black, slow-motion video that shows nothing in particular. 4) Husband is now picking up children, molesting them in abandoned houses, and then returning kids to where he originally found them 5) Husband is poisoning her via her water pipes (she had a toxicology report, no evidence she is being poisoned)\n\nNot only is she my cousin, but we worked together for multiple years, and this is not how she normally behaves. Yet, incredibly, the pyschiatrist that she sees every 3 weeks claims that nothing is wrong. He hasn't increased how often they meet, no change in medication, hasn't had her come in after these manic breakdowns where the police show up to her house. A few nights ago, while the police were at her house, our family called him in hope that SOMETHING could be done. Nope. He told us we need to be on her side (she does not believe she is going crazy, so being on her side meaning to believe & tolerate the nonsense she is telling us). Similarly, in regard to the molestation, he said the daughter is showing classic signs of being molested. However, he has never even met the daughter in-person, so it's entirely unclear to us how he came to this conclusion. FYI the daugher is 3.\n\nOur family thinks the pyschiatrist is failing her, and perhaps comitting malpractice. It's hard to imagine this qualifies as standard-of-care, but perhaps we're wrong. We have called him/wrote him emails expressing our belief that she is not in the right state of mind, and he does not think anything out of the ordinary is going on. Any thoughts/comments would be greatly appreciated; we have no idea what to do.", "answer": "Psychiatrist here. Perhaps the psychiatrist is not allowed to share certain information with you? Where do you live? \n\nI recommend accompanying her on a session to see how it goes and express your concerns there. \n\nNot a lawyer but I think malpractice is difficult to pursue if you're not the patient and the patient doesn't think there is a problem.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cbqq9z", "comment_id": "cbqq9z"}, {"question": "I Need Help with a Girl.", "description": "Hey guys this is my first time posting and a throw away account but I'll give this a try:) (sorry for length) \nA little background. Ok so I'm a 17 year old male in high school. I have only had 1 girlfriend and that was 8th grade. Withought being cocky or anything I feel I have to mention that I am one of the most popular people in my school and I've been told by many girls I'm by far the most attractive guy in my school (1,500 people in my Hs) but, I am an introvert. So I like to be alone a lot, I don't have any problem talking to girls but I just don't much. Anyway, I'm very odd in the fact that I can pretty much have any girl I want but I don't have any of them because I don't want them haha. Long story short, I now have the reputation of being very \"Hot\" but I'm not interested in girls, which atleast in my school is true. Until a certain lady moved to my school a few months ago and I can't get her off my mind. This is probably bad story telling so if people respond I'll clarify but really me question is what do I do? Literally every girl likes me, and I can feel stare at me a lot EXCEPT her, like the only girl I care about noticing me, I don't think she does. I'll make a move if I get a signal Bc she is talkin to someone right now and I don't want to mess that up for her for no reason. Anyway, I don't want to go in depth because I prolly won't get a response but if I do I will clarify I few things! Thanks guys:)", "answer": "Just ask her out like a human being would. Try not to over-awe her with your amazingness. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "694xoc", "comment_id": "694xoc"}, {"question": "Do you hyperfocus on negative thoughts?", "description": "Because I do, and it's been the cause of some of the worst moments of my life. I will get stuck in a negative idea. It could be a bad memory or a worry about the future. I will think about it obsessively until I'm having an emotional breakdown. I feel like I can't focus on anything else. The thoughts I'm having feel like the only thing that exists. It's in these moments that I've felt suicidal and engaged in self injury. \n\nIt's hard to talk about with people because, honestly, it makes me feel like a crazy person. It's also hard to explain how most of the time I'm not suicidal or extremely depressed. It's just in those moments where I feel like I can't control my thoughts.\n\nYou guys know what I mean?", "answer": "I do this! As hard as it sounds, when I have the negative thought in question I look around and pick five colours that I can see. It doesn't get rid of the feeling but it sometimes distracts me long enough to interrupt the loop for a little while.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ayfz81", "comment_id": "ayfz81"}, {"question": "Why is this website so fucking cruel to Transgender people?", "description": "Feels like every fucking day there's a thread or something that involves trashing trans people such as myself, and it's making it feel like blowing my head off is a good option again. \"I'd never date a trans person\", \"trans people are disgusting\", tranny this and tranny that.\n\n\nI've never felt so fucking ugly before. I wish I still had my pistol. Dunno why I'm bothering posting here, not like anyones gonna really care. Most posts only get a shitty, uninspiring \"don't give up\"  and that's it. Whatever, maybe this will serve as a foundation for a suicide note or somethig.\n\nedit: i think im beyond saving at this point .thanks to everyone who tried, but it feels like i cant even get support here without being fetishized, told to go to different subreddits, and that \"its all in my head\". gonna actually plan it all out this time. peace.", "answer": "Fuck, I'm sorry. I don't get it. It's not just this website sadly.\n\nTransLifelife is a hotline put on by and for Trans people. They are good people. (877) 565-8860 in the US, don't know where you are.\n\nSometimes it just helps to talk to people that actually get it.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "4bjd22", "comment_id": "4bjd22"}, {"question": "Since caffeine is a drug, does it effect depression and other mental health issues as alcohol and drugs do?", "description": "Edit: Everyone thank you so much for the comments but I meant more in the long run.", "answer": "Of course it does.  It can help a lot with certain things and cause a lot of problems with other issues.  \n\nSimply google the effects of caffeine on the body/mind.  You\u2019ll find most of your answers.  It can be a helpful way of self-medicating the low energy aspects of anxiety and can help those with ADHD focus some, but for folks with high anxiety it will really do a number on you.  \n\nA couple of downsides is that it can contribute to poor sleep habits and poor diet as caffeine is an appetite suppressant.  If you\u2019re not sleeping well or eating healthy it will have a pretty severe impact on your mental health.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8yceck", "comment_id": "8yceck"}, {"question": "Medication and sleep cycles", "description": "So, I figured this might be a best spot to ask about this, but I seem to have my sleep cycle occasionally drastically out of whack now that I've been on medication. It's not consistent, but I woke up today at 10:30 pm, after having gone to sleep something like, 4 in the morning (which is late, but not atypical for me). So, I'm looking at something like 18 hours of sleep in one shot I just had. Anyone else have similar sorts of things occur?\n\nI've currently been on escitalopram since last may, reaching my current dosage level last september, and buproprin since october or november, with the hope of preventing this from occurring. Although this is the first time in  couple months this has happened. It's not so bad when it happens on a weekend, but it's still... concerning.", "answer": "While it could be your medicine, it's probably your lack of normal sleep cycle. Going to bed at 4 am isn't really great for you. Especially if you do it semi-regularly, or in conjunction with trying to have a somewhat normal schedule during the week. Try practicing better sleep hygiene. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1xi8id", "comment_id": "1xi8id"}, {"question": "Made appointment with psychologist", "description": "Hello everyone I made a previous post about my acne problem and I decided to take the advice to tell my counselor it's effects it's having on me. They appointed me to a psychologist but to fix my skin I need a dermatologist. Can a psychologist tell my mom I need to go to the dermatologist or do anything like sending me to the dermatologist?", "answer": "Psychologists=therapist more or less. You'd need a referral from your primary care doctor or with some insurance you can just research a dermatologist near you and make an appointment. I'd you're worried about talking with your mom about a therapist can help you have that conversation. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72y30r", "comment_id": "72y30r"}, {"question": "Is schizophrenia the only mental illness where a person sees and hears things?", "description": "My wife says that she sees/hears things in the apartment and that there's a portal to another dimension there. She accused me of being possessed by evil forces before for no reason whatsoever. She lives in her own fantasy world of some type of fundamentalist-extreme veganism. She won't eat most green vegetables as according to her sentient beings die. She says that humans are only meant to eat grains and pasta. Her moods swings are extreme. So is her yelling and manipulation. She wants me to live like she lives or else threats come along. She's against all medicine. Could she have schizophrenia? Any guesses?", "answer": "No, there are multiple reasons that a person could have hallucinations.\n\nThis includes: Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic features, alcohol or benzodiazepine withdrawal, as well as medical conditions such as brain tumor or other issues. \n\nGiven the florid hallucinations, active delusions, paranoia, and mood swings it could be Schizophrenia, but maybe more likely Schizoaffective Disorder or a manic phase of Bipolar disorder. Either way, she needs medical/psychiatric care immediately. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2apgqc", "comment_id": "2apgqc"}, {"question": "Sobriety without the 12 Steps.", "description": "Someone over at r/redditorsinrecovery posed a question about staying sober w/out attending meetings and it led me to wonder -\n\nIS sobriety possible without working the 12 Steps?", "answer": "Yes.  AA itself describes the steps as \"*suggested* as a program of recovery.\"", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "224fas", "comment_id": "224fas"}, {"question": "Knowing somebody \u201cfor a long time\u201d does not necessarily make you friends.", "description": "Don\u2019t fall into this cognitive trap. Just because you have known a person for a long time, does not automatically mean that you know that person. People often attribute the time they\u2019ve known another person to how close their relationship is, but in reality, this perceived closeness could be one-sided. \n\nIt actually doesn\u2019t matter how long you\u2019ve known someone. People can flip on you at any moment. I was best friends with a guy for 7 years before he flipped on me and revealed how evil and miserable he truly was. \n\nIt\u2019s better to evaluate your relationships based on your connection with the person, rather than how long you\u2019ve known them.", "answer": "It\u2019s the proximity principle of social psychology", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "hse81q", "comment_id": "hse81q"}, {"question": "My [m/26] gf [f/25] want s to talk about \"future\", but I feel it's too early.", "description": "My gf and I have been together for 2.5 years, and things have been going well. I'd like to move in with her once our leases are up in the end of spring. However, once I brought up moving in, she decided to start the whole entire \"future\" conversation, and I honestly do not feel like we are at that point yet.\nI'm only 26 and she is only 25 and I don't think I should have to be thinking about when/if we are going to get married or what we are going to name children, but she says she want to know my \"timeline\". I don't like idea of timeline, I think it is pressuring and pointless, because I do not want to hold myself to any kind of deadline. i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose, but I feel like she is trying to close off other options.\nHow do I deal with this and let her know that she needs to back off?\nTl;dr: gf want to talk future, I think it's too early.\n", "answer": "> i want to be able to marry her tomorrow or at 40 years old or never, if that's what I choose\n\nYeah, so ... this is not how that works. Marriage and kids should be a joint discussion, and at 2.5 years it's entirely reasonable for her to make sure you're on the same page. This doesn't mean hard deadlines and naming future crib midgets ... but if you said you wanted to get married at 40, and she wanted to get married in the next 2 years, that would be a giant deal. \n\n> let her know that she needs to back off?\n\nOy. Be an adult, have the discussion. She shouldn't just be expected to hang out and shut up until you feel like moving forward.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3uvw4x", "comment_id": "3uvw4x"}, {"question": "How do doctors decide what SSRI (antidepressant) to prescribe you first?", "description": "My understanding is there are quite a few of them, and they each have their own side effects, but at the end of the day they do pretty much the same thing...so how does a doctor choose which one to prescribe?\n\nFor example, I was initially prescribed 50mg of sertraline (Zoloft) bumped up to 100mg after 2 weeks, with plans to bump it up to 200mg at some point. Other than my condition (obsessive compulsive disorder) I am a relatively healthy young person: 23F, no other medical conditions, no medical allergies, healthy weight/fitness, only occasional recreational drug/alcohol use. From what I've read online, sertraline isn't the first-line medication for OCD (as far as I know, there isn't one).\n\nAnyway, just curious!", "answer": "Whilst it's a bit of a dark art in choosing the right antidepressant for an individual, there are large studies that have been helpful in differentiating the relative efficacy of antidepressants (eg. Cipriani et al).\n\nSertraline, venlafaxine, mirtazapine, and escitalopram, tend to top the list for depression. Others (eg paroxetine) pop up for anxiety and OCD.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6nyu6g", "comment_id": "6nyu6g"}, {"question": "OCD worries.", "description": "When my ocd switches,say from hocd to pocd,I don't even worry about my hocd. Why is that? ", "answer": "It's irrational. You need to remind yourself that all these fears are irrational, and your post is evidence of that. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "4yxr0d", "comment_id": "4yxr0d"}, {"question": "Options for dealing with miserable (likely) dyshidrotic eczema?", "description": "[Photo](https://onicrafts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/20190726_122756.jpg)\n\n38 YOWM. 5'11, 165#. \n\nThis is on the right foot only. Tiny, fluid-filled vesicles all over the toes and foot that itch like mad. I've had it going on probably 15+ years, and lately it seems to be getting worse. Flare-ups once or twice weekly. The itch is so intense it's overwhelming. I often resort to using sandpaper to take skin off until it hurts instead of itches, because I can at least sleep with pain. The open spot on the little toe in the photo is due to scratching.\n\nI haven't seen a doctor for it yet, have tried lots of OTC creams to no avail. At its worst I've actually thought about amputating the toes, the itch is so bad (not that I would actually do that).\n\nI've read the common recommendation is to keep the feet moist; unfortunately, I'm also prone to athlete's foot, and I'm supposed to keep my feet *dry* to prevent that. So, I opted to go with the eczema, because at least that isn't contagious. I understand this condition is potentially lifelong without much for treatment or cures, but there's got to be *something*, it's getting worse and it's starting to interfere with daily life a lot.", "answer": "It sounds like it's time to see a doctor. Among other options, higher potency topical steroids could be helpful. There are also topical calcineurin inhibitors, which I know are used for eczema and are not as fast-acting but could prevent these outbreaks, potentially. A dermatologist would be the expert for this kind of thing, but primary care can get you started.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ci67uj", "comment_id": "ci67uj"}, {"question": "Dementia Help", "description": "Hi, to clarify i\u2019m a 17 year old if that can give any potential help for someone my age, and my best friend (my grandad) has been diagnosed with dementia. now this will sound horrible and heartless but i just can\u2019t stand being with him anymore. i\u2019ve tried so hard but it\u2019s just not the same, he\u2019s just not the best friend i\u2019ve spent my entire life growing up with. While i\u2019ll probably be judged heavily for this does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with it better? it\u2019s absolutely destroying me ever since..", "answer": "One of the horrible things about dementia is you can lose the person you love while that person is still alive. No one should judge you for that; it's a terrible thing to deal with.\n\nIt's up to you and your family whether you want to spend time with him now. Even if it's not something you enjoy, it could be something worth doing if your grandfather enjoys your company still. Or if your family feels better when he gets visitors. You'd have to think of it as a sacrifice you're making for other people, not for your own enjoyment.\n\nSometimes it's okay to mourn and not visit, too. It's something to figure out for yourself and with your family. Don't let other people try to judge and guilt you over it\u2014they're not experiencing it as you are.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ean27j", "comment_id": "ean27j"}, {"question": "What makes me violent?", "description": "Background; I had a decent big city upbringing, no struggles, I saw a decent amount of dead bodies growing up though because mob controlled area. Iq of 140, I suffer from paranoid personality disorder, and anxiety. I don't want to ask a professional because I don't want to worry them, but when I get in a bad mood I want to kill people. Usually the thought is slowly with a knife or just a stick/bat. I can control it very easily, so don't worry about that, I just wonder why I have those thoughts. It makes me feel insane. Sorry for English, not first language", "answer": "Having these thoughts, specifically for someone with a very high IQ and having experienced what you have is not that abnormal or worrisome by itself (so long as you never feel as though you might act on them or will be unable to control your impulse to act on them).\n\nWhen people come to the realization that they actually possess the power to kill someone else (every single person has this power) and it is just a matter of your choice and will-power that stops you, it can be very anxiety producing and at times overwhelming.  \n\nMany ask themselves \"What's to stop me from doing it?\"  The answer is the same one that's been there all along.... you're there to stop you from doing it.  The overwhelming majority of people don't murder though almost every single person has thought about someone they'd like to.  \n\nIf either you feel overwhelmed by the anxiety caused by this or if you EVER feel as though you might lose control and act on these thoughts, seek professional help IMMEDIATELY.  Don't worry about upsetting or worrying a doctor or therapist.  We deal with this sort of thing all the time.  It's our job.  \n\nLastly, I'm sorry to hear that you experienced all of that as a child.  I think it might be good to see a therapist to talk about it anyway before anything manifests that could cause you or others severe problems down the line.  Good luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zg9n5", "comment_id": "7zg9n5"}, {"question": "I'm being referred to a neurologist?", "description": "I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread to be posting this in, but I had an appointment with a psychologist for the first time a couple of days ago, and it all seemed to be proceeding as normal until I described to her how I see things and hear things that aren't real. After further questioning about paranoia and what exactly I'm seeing/hearing, she told me she was going to refer me to a neurologist to get a brain scan. I was too afraid to ask why, so do you guys maybe know (or can guess) why she's doing this? What would a brain scan accomplish?", "answer": "She's probably trying to rule out medical or neurological  causes to your symptoms ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2f7k4t", "comment_id": "2f7k4t"}, {"question": "When your friends don\u2019t believe or care when you say you\u2019re suicidal", "description": ":( I guess they\u2019ll care when I\u2019m gone right", "answer": "If they don\u2019t care now, they probably won\u2019t care then", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "clc8a8", "comment_id": "clc8a8"}, {"question": "I'm pretty sure my bf has an interest in males", "description": "He been throwing hits here and there and I'm not sure what to do? Should I confront him? ignore it?leave him? I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about it\n\nEdit: I came across a few messages a year ago and a few months ago about him making plans to  meet another guy for a sexual relationship I'm positive it's a guy (been together for 7 years)", "answer": "Are you exclusive?\n\nIf no, there's nothing to confront. \nIf yes, are you willing to trust him?\n   - if yes, relax. \n   - if no, then you can tell him that you're scared and ask him if he'll talk to you about it. \n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6iqx2h", "comment_id": "6iqx2h"}, {"question": "Was watching an interview with a therapist who counseled serial killers and had some questions", "description": "1. Are you bound by confidentiality after you leave your profession?\n\n2. How is it possible that we can hear recordings or accounts of a serial killer\u2019s therapy session? If they are in prison for hurting someone and can\u2019t hurt anymore are they not entitled to confidentiality? The counseling sessions took place while they were incarcerated.", "answer": "I have never heard a recording of a serial killer in a therapy session. I have heard recordings of serial killers interviewed by investigators, analysts and reporters/journalists.\n\nYes confidentiality extends past termination. If someone wanted me to breach confidentiality after the patient\u2019s death I would require a subpoena or release (depending on the circumstances) and I would hire an attorney and treatment team to evaluate the cost/benefit of disclosure. \n\nOn one occasion I had a patient who\u2019s wife had committed suicide. The husband was struggling to understand the death and requested her therapist\u2019s notes. After speaking with an attorney and an ethics panel, she decided to release them to me to review with the husband as I saw fit. That\u2019s an excellent example of how confidentiality is handled post mortem.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "bu7w2d", "comment_id": "bu7w2d"}, {"question": "Please write me a guide on picking a GREAT doctor like a pro", "description": "Age: 26 Sex: male Height: 5\u20197 Weight: 185lbs Race: Middle Eastern Existing medical issues: none Medications: none Other: Dont drink or smoke.\n\nThe difference between an average, or even between a good and great doctor has a massive impact on your health and wellbeing. Most of my google searches took me to posts talking about affordability - how to pick doctors based on your insurance etc.\n\nI don't care about that. May sound financially reckless, but that's why I save - to be able to splurge on what actually matters. I want to know how to pick GREAT doctors. Not good. Great. And if burning a couple thousand dollars is what it takes, ill swallow the pill because my health problems are making me miserable and my public health insurance doctors are dropping the ball (not to mention ridiculous waiting times).\n\nHow should I pick them? My interests are, in order of importance: sleep (huge one), urology, physiotherapy, psychology and psychiatry. Maybe endocrinologists to discuss keto and fasting with since most nutritionists in my country still use the food pyramid.\n\nShould I go for those working at hospitals or not? Is the fact that they teach (professors) mean they are better or worse doctors? Are surgeons really more eager to push for surgery like they say in Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy (I know... but if you don't ask..)? Give me the 101 on how to find the greatest doctor for every field!\n\n\\*I do not live in the US so I may not have access to well known medical indexes. But healthcare is way cheaper in here (Israel)", "answer": "There\u2019s not really such a thing as a great doctor at doctoring. Instead, doctors may be very good at their specialties, or at specific things (usually procedures). If you have no illness that needs diagnosis and treatment, you don\u2019t really need that kind of greatness.\n\nWhat you may be looking for is clinical acumen coupled with basic (but not common!) interpersonal skills. Someone who can listen, think, and help you make plans.\n\nBut I\u2019d be very careful about coming in with preconceived ideas. You can certainly find ketogenic diet enthusiasts among doctors, but the evidence isn\u2019t there to back to enthusiasm, really. What you\u2019ll get is someone who is willing to be bold over being correct. There\u2019s a time and place for that, but it isn\u2019t always. In a doctor, that can get you inappropriate plans, harmful treatment, and worse than standard of care.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dtr32c", "comment_id": "dtr32c"}, {"question": "Need help from those with more experience", "description": "TL;DR: This may get deleted for listing my symptoms and asking for help, but I'm posting it anyway because I want to know about others experiences. I don't think my diagnosis is right, and I want to know if what I am going through sounds like anyone else's experience with ADHD and/or other diagnoses. Feel free to read through, and I'd appreciate any words of wisdom that you would like to spare....\n\nOriginal Post: Need a little help. I personally believe that I have BPD & ADHD, my doctor on the other hand thinks it is ADHD and bipolar depression with mostly depressive aspects and mixed-states. I wanted to see what others think, because I feel that I present well, despite what is going on in my head, and I have been told that I don't present like other clients with BPD. I'm going to list out everything I can think of that may apply, then post it in the BPD, bipolar, and ADHD sections to see what people think. Here is everything I can think of:\n\n*Depression  *Suicidal thoughts (every day for at least a year, but has been common throughout my life)  *3 attempts in the past  *Anger, irritability, frustration (frustration being the underlying factor)  *Quickly irritated by stupid things  *Can't handle rejection, or even the thought of rejection, so I've just stopped putting myself out there the last few months  *Complete breakdowns after a breakup, or rejection  *Feel like I have no idea who I am most of the time  *Overreactions to everything (I get frustrated about something stupid and then either yell or view it as just another reason to kill myself)  *Easily distracted  *Always fidgeting  *Very obsessive thoughts  *Impulsive buyer  *Feel empty & that gets better when I'm with someone  *Everything turns into a reason to kill myself eventually, and I've kind of given up on expecting anything good to last  *Cannot maintain a feeling of happiness, or even a feeling of being content  *Rarely will dissociate when angry or upset enough  *I take EVERYTHING personally, even if I shouldn't  *Good personal skills when I know someone well, but cannot form attachments to new people and am frequently told that I \"don't understand social cues\" or that I am \"awkward\"  *Can't stop myself from talking sometimes  *Feel like I'm the scapegoat in every group  *Feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be fixed  *Cannot stop scratching/picking at my head/face, or biting the inside of my mouth  *Usually angry about something, but can't express it in a positive way, so then become suicidal  *Extreme all-or-nothing with friendships and activities  *Will do/say something that seems normal to me, but is viewed as odd  *Will do/say something and then wonder why I did that because I think it was odd  *Genuinely do not see a future for myself in which I can be happy  *Cannot take a compliment, and have difficulty giving compliments  *Uncomfortable in group settings  *Known to binge-eat  *Difficulty being social without drinking/smoking  *Difficulty connecting to people  *Cannot find the mid-ground in anything  *Stubborn  *Emotionally erratic  *Cannot make decisions for the life of me  *Having options leaves me in a state of anxiety  *Get angry, depressed, or suicidal from simply from having to make choices\n\n\nI think that is it. I feel like the physical symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD have been reduced through treatment (currently Vyvanse, TMS, and therapy), and my mood has somewhat improved, but thoughts haven't changed and are pretty ingrained into my personality I think. Things do get better when I'm in a relationship or seeing someone, but that is pretty much the only time I can feel that I am okay with my life, and I tend to get involved with pretty toxic people.\n\n(Disclaimer: I know that soliciting diagnostic advice from reddit isn't advised, but I'm curious as to others' experiences.)\nMay or may not add more to this list if I can think of anything. Probably not going to edit or revise this to make it look nice, only because I'm exhausted and have work to do.\n\nThanks in advance for all your help! ", "answer": "With the rejection sensitivity (which is a hallmark of BPD), there is also a concept called \"rejection sensitive dysphoria\" which can be common with ADHD.  It is associated with experiencing extreme criticism from others.  Google the term to read more about it. I do commend you on your willingness to look at yourself and grow. Just remember that you are doing the best you can and growth is on your terms...even if others are not able to \"get you\".  That just shows THEIR lack of growth and understanding. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "64i179", "comment_id": "64i179"}, {"question": "At a crossroads", "description": "So my boyfriend and myself have been together for about 3 yrs and 4 months, and I'm at a crossroads with our relationship. \nI love him, there's no doubt about that. In everyway. He's a good person, a fantastic boyfriend and an awesome lover. He's good looking and has a fantastic personality. A very weird guy but I like weird. :) He supports me a lot, so much so that I'm almost afraid that I won't keep my shit together without him. And that's where the problem is.......I want to break up with him, but I also don't. I miss being single but when I'm single I miss being taken by someone who's just as awesome as him.  I'm an adventurer, I like moving around different towns, meeting new ppl, making new friends, and see where life takes me. While he's more of a one town guy. He's been here since he was 10 and doesn't plan on moving or exploring anytime soon. He's extremely attached to his dad and handful of friends that he has, and is afraid of leaving them. We don't have any kids, or pets together, nothing is in our name together other than our current apartment, which we're living in till June 2018. I don't know what to do, I don't want to break up with him, only to realize that life sucks without him but I also don't want to stick around and do the same thing we've been doing for the last 3 yrs or so. Any advice or tips is greatly appreciated. \nAlso I'm 27, and he's 31. (Don't know if age will play a factor in the tip advice.) ", "answer": "You have to choose between your need to expand your horizons or him. I have a feeling you'll regret it if you don't do the former.\n\n\"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.\u201d  -Mark Twain\n", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wy3sn", "comment_id": "6wy3sn"}, {"question": "Schizophrenic mother, PLEASE help me.", "description": "She started taking a med for it 8 years ago and was fine since, but she stopped taking it for no reason a few months ago and now she is saying nonsense things all day long (the mafia is plotting against her, etc). She talks alone (she claims she is making a novel). She yells at janitors are stealing her mails. I'm very nervous, I don't know what to do. I'm 23 and I'm almost depressed myself due to particular reasons, am working my ass off to start my career, it is a very complicated point of my life, I want move because I can't stand that drama anymore but I'm afraid if I leaving her alone she will do something crazy. My father says he can't stand it anymore and wants me to authorize a compulsory hospitalization, but she claims she doesn't have anything, that it is all a plan of my father to put me against her and steal our things, and that if I ever do it to her she will never talk to me again. He also wants to put drugs on her drinks but I don't think that is right.\n\nWhat the hell do I do, PLEASE someone help.", "answer": "Psychotherapist here - I am assuming you are in the US for this. You have 4 basic options, and they all have their downsides:\n\n1. Attempt to contact the physician that prescribes her psych meds and fill them in on the situation. This assumes that they will even talk to you (which they can technically refuse to do for confidentiality reasons).\n\n2. Get your mother to a hospital ER somehow. Unfortunately, she has to agree to go under her own volition, and even if you are able to get her there for a psychiatric eval, if she's 'on her best behavior' during the eval, the clinician may not have sufficient reason for an involuntary admission.\n\n3. You and at least one other witness would have to file a petition in probate court. This can take time, money and a judge that agrees that your mom is incapable of caring for herself or a danger to self or others.\n\n4. Get out of the house. Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to force an unstable person to destabilize enough to become enough of a risk so that law enforcement MUST become involved is to remove the support system. In a sense, your presence is enabling your mom's craziness, since she's protected from the natural consequences of her behavior.\n\nThere are no easy answers here. My biggest suggestion to you is to find some friends and family immediately that can be a support system for you as you are deciding how to proceed. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "3dbh8j", "comment_id": "3dbh8j"}, {"question": "Why am I obsessed with other women?", "description": "So I'm a woman, early 20's, and since middle school I've spent a significant amount of time having crushes on other women. There have been 6 women since high school that I've been seriously infatuated with at one point. I can't help it. When I get this crush, I think about them 24/7. It is obsessive. I can't stop thinking about them, or looking at their social media. I find any excuse to talk to them. Every single one of these relationships has followed the same pattern: they see that I'm struggling with my mental health, they decide to be my friend/talk to me, they think that they can 'save' me, and that I've got a lot going for me, that I just need their help, and then I push the boundaries further, and further, and further (nothing sexual, just the amount of time that I take up). Then they block me. I've literally had six women block me from their lives.\n\nThe last two have been female therapists. The first therapist didn't truly \"block\" me, but told me she couldn't work with me anymore. I just really don't want this to happen with my current therapist. Right now we're at the stage where she likes me. The other day I sent her an email telling her I didn't want to see her anymore, and she responded by sending me a 600 word response basically telling me she wanted me to continue therapy and that she is going to support me however she can. This feels so incredibly nostalgic of my last therapeutic relationship, where the same thing happened, except her email was 1110 words. I get such a rush seeing these lengthy emails.\n\nThe crushes I had in high school weren't sexual, but since then they always have been. I've struggled with my sexuality, and am bisexual, leaning towards women. I have slept with more women than men, and have had serious relationships with both genders. I've never had a crush on a guy. I have never spent any significant time thinking about guys at all.\n\nIs this some sort of attachment issue? Am I just an obsessive lesbian? My mom sort of abandoned me when I was a child, and I have a trauma history. Any advice would be much appreciated.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nUpdate: I stopped seeing her. Thanks everyone.", "answer": "My advice would be that the best therapist for you if this is part of what you're trying to work on is a therapist you have the least chance of getting a crush on/obsessive about.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "eys37t", "comment_id": "eys37t"}, {"question": "What do you wish you would have known before you got married, and what questions should my partner (35m) and I (35f) be asking prior to getting engaged?", "description": "My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged. I know it's not super romantic to be having the conversation about it instead of just being surprised and doing it, but neither of us is particularly young and we both believe in making thoughtful decisions, especially when it has long term impacts. \n\nWe planned a date night to sit down and talk about foundational things, big things, deep things that will help inform whether or not we are a good long term match, and whether or not we will be able to see eye to eye and compromise on big life things that we may disagree on. \n\nI'd love some suggestions on things this community thinks we should ask each other.", "answer": "What do you gain by this relationship. What do you give up by being in this relationship?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "drrkic", "comment_id": "drrkic"}, {"question": "What is the clinical psychologist approach to abnormal gender identity?", "description": "What is the scientific stance for clinical psychologists when it comes it transgender issues, do they think it's a mental illness or how is it approached?", "answer": "They don't think it's a mental illness! it's listed as a diagnosis in the DSM because people can and do struggle with it and can experience distress due to it, which is the common theme of everything in the DSM--causes distress.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "68t9b8", "comment_id": "68t9b8"}, {"question": "[16/m] Does This Girl [16/f] Like Me Back?", "description": "We talk whenever we sit with each other in class (we both start conversations, not just me). She seems to like being around me; she doesn't try to end  any conversations and she always progresses the conversation (not just replying with a short answer- she seems to want to converse). Whenever we are around one another in a busy environment, we'll make eye contact, but not talk. It feels too awkward to say anything (for me). She'll also seem like she is going to say something but won't. We laugh at each other's humour. It's also pretty obvious (at least I expect so) that I like her.", "answer": "she seems interested! ask her out for coffee", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uvykj", "comment_id": "5uvykj"}, {"question": "22 years and 3 days sober, let's give a hand to judasblue and SOmuch2learn for their spiritual giantness, er, moderating prowess!", "description": "[Spiritual Giant!!!](https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/comments/6cqfuj/i_cant_stand_some_people_in_aa_it_makes_me_not/dhwvgf7/)\n\nOk, my homegroup meets on Friday and my sobriety bday was Saturday, so no image of a 22 year coin just yet.\n\nThe recurring theme in my life recently is that temporary is only temporary, not permanent.  I keep seeing a lack of patience popping up on the various recovery subs in Reddit so now I'm starting to pound that topic in my weekly meeting.  I forget the angst and impatience of early sobriety but certainly understand the benefits of staying the course, doing the next right thing, and accepting the results (generally ridiculously positive results at that).\n\nAlright, enough about me for a moment...\n\nLet's give a hand to /u/judasblue and /u/SOmuch2learn for the bang up job of moderating this place!  I do a little here and there but they're the ones handling the majority of the spam and moderator requests.  /u/Program_Buddhist has been AWOL for a couple years now, but he's good stuff so let's see if he shows up before 2020 or so.\n\nWe're one of the smaller \"recovery\" type subs but I think they help run a tight, focused ship.  \n\nTake care everyone and be good to yourselves!!!", "answer": "Happy birthday! \ud83c\udf82\ud83c\udf89 And thanks to the mods as well. Keep coming back!", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "6cxtj2", "comment_id": "6cxtj2"}, {"question": "Mid twenties, heart racing and out of breath randomly", "description": "Hi MDs.\n\nI'm a mid twenties male, 6'1\", ~200lbs, decently in shape. I have issues with high BP (highest was 200/110, usually hovers around 140s/90) for no apparently reason other than high aldosterone. Adrenal gland CT, echocardiogram, electrocardiogram, and kidney ultrasound have all come back negative for any abnormalities, all done around 6 months ago. Recently I've been having issues with becoming out of breath for no apparent reason. I still work out and I don't have any more issues breathing than normal. But sometimes when sitting on the couch, my heart will start racing and I'll get very out of breath for 10-20 seconds. Any ideas?\n\nEdit: I don't smoke or use any recreational drugs of any sort. I am on an anticonvulsant (Lamictal/Lamotrigine) but my seizures are completely controlled. Also, yes, I know my BP is wild. It varies drastically between resting and stressed/active.", "answer": "If medical causes are ruled out, may consider panic disorder (panic attacks)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f4rjyg", "comment_id": "f4rjyg"}, {"question": "Effective Cortisol Reducing supplements or OTC medicine", "description": "Hello All,\n\n2.5 years ago, I was placed on corticosteroids for something unnecessary. Even though it has been 2.5 years since using the medication, I still have hypercortisol symptoms like high blood pressure, puffy face, constipation, and shortness of breathe. I have an elevated 24 hour urine cortisol test, no tumors. 24 years old, 135 pounds, 5'10''. Doctors refuse to do anything, so I was wondering if anyone knew any effective cortisol reducing supplements or OTC medicine, Thanks! I read stuff online about cortisol manager by Integrative Theraupetics but not sure if effective. ", "answer": "Puffy face and high blood pressure are nonspecific, and constipation and shortness of breath are not classic Cushing's syndrome symptoms.\n\nHow elevated was your urine cortisol, and have you had a dexamethasone suppression test?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b561j", "comment_id": "8b561j"}, {"question": "is it appropriate to ask your doc or urologist if he's uncircumcised?", "description": "* 27\n* Male\n* 5'9\"\n* 160\n* Latino\n* 1 month\n* Reproductive system\n* no existing issues\n* no medications\n\n​\n\nonly reason i care to ask is because i think i would feel more comfortable talking to a doctor about foreskin who has foreskin like myself. I'm just looking to avoid any bias on advice.", "answer": "I would say no. This is rather personal. A doctor can choose to bring it up, but a direct question would not be appropriate.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbk5u8", "comment_id": "bbk5u8"}, {"question": "I quit therapy", "description": "So I \"broke up\" with my therapist. Typical bpd behavior I guess..  I was sitting there, talking mother father issues as usual, he said I seem different, and I said I want to end the therapy. And he wanted to know why and he was really confused. He seemed disappointed. He wanted that we had a proper end, one or two more session. I said..Can I go now?? And I did. I was so relieved.\n\nBut I am sure it was the right decision. He didn't support me when I said I rather want to do DBT than psychoanalytic. \nHe had the crazy idea I should get off sertralin within 3 days (I have been taking it for 10 years). And my health insurance  did not covering more than 17 sessions, bc he is no doctor.\n\nMaybe I took advantage of him. When I got finally the diagnosis, I had what I wanted.\n\nBut I was very fond of him before... I know exactly the moment when it turned around. It is sooo ridiculous...so here is the true reason..\nI was the first patient in the morning and while he was in the office I let some air in by opening the windows. When he came into the room he said to me he wants that next time I'll wait until HE opens the windows... wtf. I was so confused, angry, ashamed. Until then I thought we had a good connection. And this one sentence, that was it. I felt like a stupid child. I made a mistake. I thought now he didn't like me anymore. How could I be so ignorant behaving like the boss in his practice..\n\nAnd the following session I quit.", "answer": "In your defense, DBT is the number one treatment for BPD. If you're interested in sticking with therapy, seek out a certified DBT counselor. \n\nAlso, I bet him being upset over the windows was a boundary thing, like maybe you crossed one. He probably felt like he lost a little but of control, but that's just speculation. \n\nBest of luck! ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "376lv7", "comment_id": "376lv7"}, {"question": "Faking Recovery", "description": "I'll try to keep this short and I hope this is the right place to post. \n\nTim drank for 20 years. Smoked weed for 32 years. Also randomly did adderall, cocaine, LSD throughout that time. Told me he was probably an alcoholic when we met, said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I told him no because of the alcoholism. He said he would stop drinking and he did, and said it was for me. He hasn't drank in 9 months. However, he has done cocaine and microlsd that I know of, and just stopped smoking weed 50 days ago. Got a sponsor 2.5 months ago and is already on step 8. How on earth is this possible? His sponsor is a doctor and sounds incredibly smart, great, and tough. He holds Tim accountable and doesn't let him get away with anything. So how is he okay with him doing steps 1-3 while still smoking weed? How is he okay with him already being on step 8 after 20 years of drinking and 32 of substance abuse? How is he okay with him being in a relationship? And how on earth can this be called recovery when Tim has only been to about 10 meetings in 9 months? Is Tim manipulating his sponsor, like he does everyone else so that he doesn't have to deal with his issues the way he should be?\n\nIt's clear from his behavior in our relationship, and the people I talk to, that Tim isn't doing the work. Some say maybe he doesn't realize what he's up against and thinks he can just skate by. Others say he's just not committed cause he would be going to like 4 -5 meetings a week and going over this stuff daily. He isn't putting himself around people who can hold him accountable, except for his sponsor once per week. He's using his recovery as a way to gain attention, saying he has all this newfound clarity, his life is the best it has been, etc, meanwhile he is still lying, controlling, manipulating, in denial, and has recently turned more verbally abusive than ever. I feel like nobody but me knows the truth and it has been agonizing. How on earth is it possible to FAKE recovery???", "answer": "You don't have to be with him if you dun wanna.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "68oi90", "comment_id": "68oi90"}, {"question": "I think I finally figured out what triggers my panic attacks", "description": "For years I have never known what causes me to have panic attacks. I always thought they were random but today I was reading an article and it brought up that some people have panic attacks because they are too attuned to their body. Basically, every little change I notice in my body makes me panic. I notice I am dizzy, I panic. I notice I am nauseous, panic. Headache, panic. Etc. I hope that now that I know what causes them I can move on to controlling them! ", "answer": "Just a FYI, that's usually a secondary trigger, something that arises from the Anxious Cycle making you more aware of indications that you are starting to have anxiety. It may arise after some physical condition that led to panic like hyperthyroidism or an adrenal leak. \n\nNot saying it's not what's going on just that it might be a habit of reaction to another situation", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "8twbkk", "comment_id": "8twbkk"}, {"question": "Extremely high Hemoglobin & Hematocrit?", "description": "Hi, appreciate this subreddit existing!\n\n​\n\nJust got some test results back and my Hemoglobin and Hematocrit was very high. I won't be seeing my rheumatologist for a few months, is this something I should be concerned about? \n\n​\n\nHemoglobin 149 g/L (reference 110-147)\n\nHematocrit 0.46 L/L (reference 0.33-0.44 L/L)\n\n​\n\nI have been feeling especially fatigued and lightheaded lately, but that's normal for me I guess. I was on prednisone 7mg for about 5 months, then stopped for three months. I started on prednisone again at 7mg 5 days before this blood test (not sure if that's related). I was diagnosed with very low vit D in December, but have been taking supplements. I also have undiagnosed chronic health issues since childhood (flares and high CRP) and my rheumatologist thinks I have relapsing polychondritis or possibly an autoinflammatory disease.\n\n​\n\n* Age: 29\n* Sex: F\n* Height: 5'9\"\n* Weight: 200lb\n* Race: White\n* Any existing relevant medical issues (if any): low vit D, high CRP and flare ups of rashes/fatigue/pain (possible relapsing polychondritis), chronic fatigue syndrome\n* Current medications (if any): prednisone (7mg) (taking 1 week), Chloroquine (taking 1 week), Concerta (2+ years)\n\n​\n\nThank you!\n\n​", "answer": "Those are not \"extremely\" high, those are minimally elevated. The \"normal\" range is set narrowly, so that things that might be concerning don't go unflagged, but the consequence of that is that unconcerning levels do get flagged as high or low.\n\nYour particular H&H show low enough high values that any symptoms or problem is unlikely.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b7196d", "comment_id": "b7196d"}, {"question": "I have no clue what just happened to me", "description": "I repress a lot of feelings and block out a lot of memories. I lie to myself a lot and keep a lot of things bottled up. I have a lot of regrets and I think too much about how mistakes I've made affect my present life and will continue to affect me in the future. Then I just tell myself I can't change the past and I have to keep moving forward\nI turned 25 today. I have a 3 year old son and am divorced from his mother. My son is the only thing in this world that makes me happy. Lately, I've been wishing his mother and I could get back together. \nA few hours ago, I dropped him off to my ex-wife. I always hate having to tell him goodbye. She asked me if I was doing anything with friends or family for my birthday and I said \"No\" so she asked if I would want to go to dinner so I didn't have to be alone for my birthday. \nI declined and as soon as we parted ways and I drove off I began hysterically crying in my truck for about 20 minutes thinking about everything I wish I would have done differently between 18 and 25, then got lethargic and had no thoughts in my head, and once I got to my parents' house where I live I felt so physically weak that I collapsed in the hallway and curled up into a ball. When my dad came to see what the fuck was wrong, I just started telling him things that I feel that I never tell anyone. He left me alone and about 5 minutes later I felt like really happy and got up like none of that just happened.\nCan anyone tell me what the fuck my brain just did? \n\n(Sorry for taking so long to get to the question. I just felt like I had to give that background info before telling the story of that episode)", "answer": "You suppress and most likely repress a lot of things from your life.  Your past especially.  Think of a boiler with no release valve.  Now every time you suppress a thought, feeling, emotion, the boiler gets a little hotter, thus increasing the pressure.  Now if you keep doing this over an extended period it is eventually going to blow! I think what you experiences when you began to drive away was just that.  It exploded and your mind became overwhelmed.  Then your mind went back to doing what you have trained it to do, suppress.  I would very strongly suggest that you talk to a therapist about what is going on in your life.  It is only a matter of time before the boiler blows again......", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2t0lrt", "comment_id": "2t0lrt"}, {"question": "Why do doctors stop listening when you mention your mental illness?", "description": "\nI\u2019m 25, female, white, NY, 5\u20192\u201d, 158lb, never smoker. Take modafinil as needed. I\u2019m bipolar type 2, have migraines.\n\nI went to see a rheumatologist about an elevated ANA and some troubling joint pain/skin rashes, and as soon as I disclosed being bipolar he blamed it all on that being \u201cuncontrolled.\u201d I don\u2019t think bipolar causes swollen lymph nodes or photosensitive rashes. He said I have a chronic pain syndrome exacerbated by being unmedicated, but this does not explain the inflammatory symptoms. \n\nI\u2019m unmedicated because: 1. I lost my health insurance recently, 2. I\u2019ve reacted severely to six different SSRIs/SNRIs, lithium turns me into a zombie, and lamictal caused said severe skin reaction. I had these symptoms even when it was controlled and I was taking lithium but he didn\u2019t care too much about that. \n\nI feel once again like I\u2019m being reduced to being \u201ccrazy\u201d which I can always tell by them mentioning my \u201cextensive psych history.\u201d He didn\u2019t write down half of what I said. He did some squeezing on my arms and legs and stuff to elicit pain responses and said my shoulders can hyperextend and I have TMJ. Great. Now I have to wait two more months and repeat expensive bloodwork, and go back to someone who boiled my illness down to \u201cshe\u2019s crazy.\u201d\n\nHe told me to go see a psychiatrist which is a nice notion if I had the money or could find one that isn\u2019t terrible. So do none of my other physical complaints matter when I\u2019m \u201ccrazy?\u201d If you\u2019re saying my symptoms are psychosomatic you\u2019re calling me crazy *and* a liar, and I have pictures of the rashes and brought my husband to back me up. But my husband tried and the doctor told him to be quiet and let me talk, which again is nice, but if he\u2019s already made up his mind that it\u2019s all in my head then my words mean nothing.", "answer": "Bipolar disorder is not a pain syndrome, medicated or not. It doesn't sound like he explicitly called your symptoms psychosomatic, which actually wouldn't mean you're a liar; somaticization is real perception of pain/dysfunction/illness produced unconsciously and involuntarily, not under someone's control. And that's all I'm going to say about it, because that's not your question.\n\nI've said it before: the phenomenon of getting ignored is a real problem with stigma of psychiatry in medicine, and I don't have an answer for it. Because I work in a hospital system, sometimes I have to be the one to call other physicians and tell them that they have to do a minimal workup before ignoring all complaints\u2014but I have that privilege by being a doctor. As a patient, I don't know what you can or should do.\n\nThe fact that he didn't write everything down doesn't worry me. Many doctors work from memory. I can't say whether his exam was sufficient or inadequate. Generously, I'd like to hope that you're too ready to expect dismissal when he did all the right things, ordered the right testing, and also (responsibly) suggested adequate treatment of an unrelated problem in bipolar disorder. But previous experience suggests that there's a very good chance that your perceptions are on point and he dismissed the evidence in front of him in favor of preconceptions.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "dzq2da", "comment_id": "dzq2da"}, {"question": "Day 2 Unexpected Test", "description": "A friend of mine from work texted me last night to see if I wanted to ski a couple of runs after work today (I live in a ski resort town and we work in a building close by so it\u2019s easy to throw on the gear and catch the last couple of chairs up to the top) and I agreed.\n\nSo we drop into the trees for our first run from the top and she stops at a spot with a great view of the sunset.  I stop next to her and she\u2019s pulling two cold beers out of her pack.  Now, you have to understand, this is an enormous trigger for me and I honestly did not expect it.\n\nMy mouth started watering and my brain was going crazy with a tumultuous tug of war argument with itself when some words came out of my mouth that I had never heard or imagined before. I said \u201cNo thanks.  I\u2019m taking a break from alcohol for a while, been going at pretty hard lately you know?\u201d.  She said \u201cCool\u201d and I watched her chug a beer.\n\nI swear my heart rate shot up to 150 and I\u2019m still thinking about how good that beer would\u2019ve tasted.  Damn.\n\nI\u2019m honestly shocked at my resolve and really proud of myself.  I\u2019m still thinking about that beer 2 hours later but I will not drink with you tonight.  Day three starts in 4 hours 39 minutes. ", "answer": "Well done......  glad you passed as it sounded like a tough one! Beer and snowboard always went hand in hand for me. Stay strong \n\nIWNDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "a3igm8", "comment_id": "a3igm8"}, {"question": "Weird Sleep-Awake schedule: 18 Awake- 8(or more) Sleep.", "description": "Due to the current scenario, we have to stay home a lot.  This has affected my sleep schedule by a huge amount. When I am awake, I am awake for more than 18 hours, I have tried sleeping but I just lay awake in my bed. When I sleep I need to sleep at least 8 hours or I would feel sleepy(I mean extremely sleepy) during the Day and if I don't take that sleep then my body acts unnatural(headaches or indigestion). \n\nThis weird sleep schedule has caused me to wake at abnormal times that change every day(one day it is 2 p.m next day it is 4 p.m some days it is 2 a.m.). What should I do?  \nMy details: \n\nAge and Sex:21M, \n\nDuration: 2-3 months.\n\nPrimary complaint: My sleep+Awake time is more than 24 hours.\n\nNo medication or drug use.", "answer": "Get up at the same time daily, and get some exposure to sunlight, go to sleep when tired. Adhere to sleep hygiene advice. \n\nhttps://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html\n\nWhen you fail to get sleep, don't do stuff that excites you, do boring stuff. Not gaming but reading for example.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "if2iik", "comment_id": "if2iik"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [21M] keeps going to his family with our problems", "description": "Recently we have been having difficulties with our relationship because of me I'll admit. I see him do certain things that just causes him problems (he get mad at his dog when the dog messes up the house so he refuses to take it to the park and in turn the dog keeps all that energy and destroys more things. The dog is on Prozac and NEEDS to go out and run, not stay in an apartment, he's always late for everything because he just has no time management skills and I try to tell him what to do so this doesn't keep being a problem etc.) so he tells his family and in turn his mom persistently messages me and bothers me about it.\nI tell him that this bothers me because it's just going to make the situation so messy. When I tell him it bothers me he says \"well I just don't know what to tell you because they're my family I talk to them about this kind of stuff it's something we do.\" I get that it's his support system and that his friends just won't help him with stuff like this but he doesn't seem to get what the problem is.\nIn my family we do talk about our problems but my mom and dad have always just resolved things between themselves. Is it bad for me to ask him not to talk about problems between us with his mom dad and step mom? \n\nTldr: boyfriend keeps talking about his problems with his family and his mom gets involved and I don't think it's ok.", "answer": "you're right. he needs to grow up.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vltj", "comment_id": "74vltj"}, {"question": "should i (medical assistant) get tested for COVID-19?", "description": "Hi! I [23F] Am a medical assistant at an urgent care center and primary care, so we\u2019ve been getting a lot of sick patients especially in the last few weeks come in with complaints of cough, fever, aches, and even some that have admitted travel (even though we have a sign saying we don\u2019t have the necessary tests for COVID-19). My question is, should I be tested for this virus as I have spoken to these patients very closely and taken their vitals before they admitted to traveler (one patient traveled from Seattle a few days prior to him being at the clinic) fever of 100.1, cough, flu-like symptoms and tested negative for the flu... my facility did NOT take the right precautions or care for us - as we did not even have the proper masks at the time and the manager, when informed about the patient from the nurses that we should send him out, did not care and said that Seattle wasn\u2019t an at risk place and that we could see him (and take his money) ... we\u2019ve had a lot of other cases of patients that made it back to triage that have traveled and have the symptoms. \n\nI have been coughing (moreso productive) and feeling fatigued. I know most patients can be asymptomatic not to mention I had a viral infection (common cold most likely my LY were high) last week so I\u2019m pretty worried now and that man I mentioned wasn\u2019t the only patient that\u2019s come in with a cough and fever and had traveled that i\u2019ve been face to face with in triaging. \n\nShould I get tested or wait for my symptoms to get worse and a rise in temp? (I also have been going to work bc i simply cannot take off). \n\nID REALLY APPRECIATE ANY COMMENTS AND ADVICE ANOUT THIS. As my coworkers and I are lost and our management is very nonchalant about this situation. Very disappointing.", "answer": "Check with your state health department for recommendations on testing in your state: https://www.cdc.gov/publichealthgateway/healthdirectories/healthdepartments.html", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fiuv6y", "comment_id": "fiuv6y"}, {"question": "intrusive thoughts", "description": "Ok so..since Ive been hearing a lot ot homophobic things from my parents..its been affecting me.My brother wanted to see my pride things and he was walking to my room and i pushed him back and i got an immediate thought \u201cNO ITS WRONG\u201c I immediately started panicking and I was worrying if I was actually homophobic and didnt want my brother to know about LGBTQ+ things,yet im actually questioning which made me even more confused about the whole situation,but i also thought what if I was the same as my parents,homophobic and transphobic.Then a person was wearing a rainbow hoodie and I all of a sudden back up a little and got a thought of \u201cBACK AWAY FROM THE PERSON\u201c Either I was just too close to the person or the thought made me think I was being homophobic and very disrespectful or judgemental.Either it\u2019s my OCD acting up because of my parents or something else has triggered my intrusive thoughts I don\u2019t know.But what shocked me was how I immediately was doing what the thoughts were trying to make me do,which makes me wonder if it was actually ocd or I\u2019m secretly homophobic..?That gives me anxiety just thinking about it.", "answer": "Sounds like OCD is doing what OCD does. Picking on things that are impeitant to you and exploiting them. OCD realizes you are passionately not homophobic so tries to convince you that you are. That sucks man! I wish you all the best and hope you have support for this!", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "hmn0vb", "comment_id": "hmn0vb"}, {"question": "Home for winter break", "description": "So now that I'm back home from college i can feel myself slipping and its scary. I'm back to my old eating habits and I'm afraid self harm is soon to follow.\n\nI guess while i was away is replaced it with cigs weed and alcohol, none of which i have access to at home and none of which are that healthy anyway. . . \n\nI know i don't want to cut again, but i don't not want to either. . . ", "answer": "You're noticing the same feeling and you're becoming aware of potential triggers. Plan ahead and think of healthy coping skills to prevent relapse. Do 100 jumping jacks, read, write, paint, learn a cheerleading routine, take a shower, cook.... \n\nYou can do this! ", "topic": "selfharm", "post_id": "2q52fs", "comment_id": "2q52fs"}, {"question": "Is this a positive TB (ppd) test?", "description": "I am doing my internship at a nursing home so i had to get a two step ppd test done. The first one was fine, no reaction at all. \n\nI got the second one done today at 2pm and now there is a welt around the injection site. I googled which was a bad idea because now I\u2019m convinced i have both TB and HIV. \ud83d\ude43\n\nFemale\n26\n240 lbs \nSmoker \nMedication: lexapro 20mg a day \n\n[picture of arm](https://imgur.com/a/gWMVFSX?desktop=1)", "answer": "It has to be read at 48-72 hours. Right afterwards there's always a welt, and that doesn't mean anything.\n\nWe also can't judge by an image. A positive result is measured by induration (swelling), not by redness. Without a way to feel through the screen we can only guess.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aggjs7", "comment_id": "aggjs7"}, {"question": "I'm at my [26m] wits end. Issues with long term girlfriend [26f] are seriously affecting my mental well-being. Ive never spoken about this to anyone. (Long read)", "description": "I'll start with a little background. \nI met her in the summer of 2013, while I was travelling abroad. She just happened to be from my hometown, and we hit it off immediately upon my return home. Things started out amazingly, as I'm sure they often do. I had nothing but poor luck with relationships up until that point, so I think that factor made it even more \"magical\". I couldn't believe how easy going she was, not to mention smart, pretty, funny, the whole nine yards. \n\nFast forward to about a year in, and her parents decided out of the blue to sell their home in the city and move 1.5 hours away. This was a major issue for her obviously, and so her hand was kinda forced into moving out and finding a place still in the same postal code. I was having some issues at home, and so I thought maybe we would do this together, despite only being together for less than a year. However, I began to get cold feet about the whole thing but wasn't sure how to approach it. This is when the guilt-tripping started. Only once, I made a vague offhand remark about maybe not being ready to do this, and she made me feel terrible about it. So then MY hand was forced, and I made the call to go through with it because I thought it was the \"right thing to do\".\n\nSo we get a place together, and that's when things changed. We went from never, EVER fighting about anything to the typical couple squabbling. I know this is probably a normal step when you start living with another person, but this is when the yarn began its slow, gradual unwinding for me. I held a lot of resentment towards her folks (still do), because I felt their spur of the moment decision to just up and leave, expecting their daughter to just come along for the ride had forced me into a situation that I was now stuck in. Obviously this is a terrible way to start things off. \n\nThings over time have gotten more and more strained. She has some really bad habits that make me crazy: she is a total slob, for one. Leaves food out, doesn't put her dishes away, doesn't clean up after herself. her dirty clothes are constantly in a giant pile on the floor. She has a bunch of clothing littered around our bedroom that she can't fit in our closet despite taking up 80% of the hanging storage. I understand girls have more clothing than guys generally, but she won't even entertain the idea of maybe getting rid of some (she has stuff I've never seen her wear once in our almost 4 year relationship); she won't even consider putting some in storage. I have brought it up so many times, and it is ALWAYS brushed aside or ignored. She obviously doesn't care, and I'm not a crazy neat freak or anything but I do need some semblance that I'm living with an adult instead of a teenager. If she can't respect the fact that this bothers me so much, not to mention making me feel like a total jerk for asking this of her... I feel like that speaks volumes. \n\nShe also doesn't do any chores, with exception to laundry occasionally. I would do it myself, but while I just throw all my shit in the machine, her stuff has more specific washing instructions. So that's her thing, but she will always bitch and moan when doing it, acting like I am so terrible for not \"helping\" her, when its me who does literally all cleaning, tidying, cleaning up after her, etc. This has bred a lot of hostility in me towards her that I feel manifests itself in other ways. It's just not a healthy way to live. \n\nTo add more fuel, she has a really bad anger problem. I should mention that this isn't all the time, as she can be totally sweet and wonderful. But sometimes, she gets this fire inside her and will just lose it. On me, about work, her phone not working properly, anything really. And she can get really mean. I don't know if it constitutes as verbal abuse but she puts me down sometimes, makes me feel like the biggest asshole in the world for some really minute things. I would say that most fights we have stem from her losing her temper on me, and then me pushing back. I've told her many times the classic \"if you don't stop talking to me this way, I'm going to leave\", but clearly I haven't. Which leads me to the next point.\n\nI am all she has, really. Most of her friends have moved on to the next stage in their lives, or moved away, and so she doesn't have many friends. She's told me many times that I'm all she has, and that if I ever left her she would \"just die\". This is where the guilt thing comes in again. There was one occasion where I was very close to ending things, and she basically told me she would kill herself if I left her. Now I know this is a HUGE red flag, but I'm still here. When we've fought I've tried to leave the apartment and she's literally laid down in front of the door, refusing to move, crying \"you can't leave! You can't leave me!\". I am trapped at this point, as I know how fucked up the legal system is when it comes to men, so I can't put my hands on her to physically move her out of the way. \n\nOur sex life is also pretty much non existent. She has a low sex drive, and the spacing between sex has been growing as time goes on. Not only does she never, ever initiate but she will usually push me away when I try. I understand that nobody wants sex all the time, as there are times when I'm not feeling it either. But she won't blow me, she won't do anything remotely \"interesting\" and sex basically boils down to me getting her off, her lazily jerking me off until I'm ready and then standard missionary, with condom on. On top of that, I am quite large down below and sometimes I hurt her when I go in, (We use lube every time) which basically kills it immediately as I completely go limp when I see she's in pain. I think I've developed a bit of a porn addiction as a result of this, and I also find myself looking at other girls. I would never, ever cheat on her as I've seen what it does to persons/families but my eyes are constantly wandering. I feel like a total piece of shit for it, but when I'm not getting what I need, it's hard for the mind not to wander. \n\nI should mention finally that I love her. Deeply. The thought of her not being around breaks my heart, not to mention how devastated she would be if I left her. That's what makes this whole situation so hard. I don't WANT to end things, as we do genuinely have some great times together. These things I've listed above are issues, major ones, but it's still not enough to make me hit the road. Or is it? This is the main problem: I don't know what the right choice is. I go back and forth, wrestling with it every day of my life. I don't want to fuck up the longest, most meaningful relationship I've ever had.  I'm sure I do things that make her crazy too. I try so hard to leave my ego out of making decisions, so I'm not naive enough to think I'm perfect by any means. I just find myself time and again longing to be single.\n\nI'm hoping someone out there will read this behemoth of a post and help shed some light. Any advice at all is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time. \n\n", "answer": "please write a short summary for more responses!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69yknl", "comment_id": "69yknl"}, {"question": "Are there any conversation \"guidelines\" ? I am pretty terrible at mantaining conversations flowing. Help please.", "description": "The title sums it up. I suck at maintaining conversations. Help me changing it please.", "answer": "Well I did write [this](http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation) and I think it might be pretty much what you're looking for :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1wf10e", "comment_id": "1wf10e"}, {"question": "Psych meds and (possible) nicotine poisoning?", "description": "18\n\nMale\n\n5\u20198\u201d\n\n120lbs ish\n\nCaucasian (mixed euro and indo)\n\nCanada, eyes and heart\n\nMental disorders\n\n5mg Valium twice daily, 100mg Gabapentin twice daily, 10mg Dexedrine XR each morning, 30mg Mirtazapine nightly, medical cannabis and nicotine via vaping \u2014 throughout the day\n\n**So,** I\u2019ve been mixing my own vape juice and late last night I spilled a bunch all over my hands, not wearing gloves like an idiot. Couldn\u2019t sleep, was sweating nonstop, nauseated, salivating, sore eyes, the whole shebang\n\nToday was okay until I vaped. Fast heart rate, euphoria, profuse sweating, and anxiety instantly hit me. Shortly followed by pounding heart, dysphoria, hypertension, hyperreflexia, burning eyes, restless sitting, slight abdominal discomfort and slightly blurred vision. Persisted for ~8 hours and here I am at midnight with no family doctor and my psychiatrist is on vacation\n\nI\u2019m scared to take my medication, I want to know what information I can get (digging will take centuries to even speculate). I\u2019m not asking what to do I\u2019m not tryna break rules like that, I want to know if this seems unsafe from your perspective\n\nI\u2019m going to rather stay up until I can see my doctor or I\u2019m going to emergency ASAP\n\nEdit: I was initially scared to have a seizure but I haven\u2019t really twitched much. Now I\u2019m scared of cardiovascular problems (been to the hospital for  ~~anxiety~~ SVT-like symptoms under the influence of a stimulant and because my mom has a heart condition) and CNS depression; I don\u2019t want to have to vape to stay up. Maybe I\u2019ll end up passing out and this thread will have 0 comments and turns out I was safe the whole time", "answer": "Have you told your parents? Do you live with (on of) them?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bczxnu", "comment_id": "bczxnu"}, {"question": "Constant Brain Fog", "description": "Male/ 20/ 240lbs/ 1200mg Sodium Valproate (5 months)/ 10mg Abilify (3 weeks)/ 150mg Levothyroxine (1 year, stable level)\n\nHi, I'm experiencing brain fog which just will not go away and it's making it really difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. I think I've had it for the past 5 years. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/Depression, Bulimia, OCD, and Anxiety, but despite the medications I've been on the fog won't go away. I also suffer from: muscle/head aches, fatigue, restless sleep (which makes even minor exercise incredibly difficult). \n\nI don't know what to do at this point. Is it possible this brain fog is due to a health problem, rather than mental?  ", "answer": "Valproate and Abilify can both be sedating. In addition, valproate can raise your ammonia level, which can make you fatigued and confused and out of it. Has your ammonia level been checked? For that matter, has your valproate level been checked? And are these meds helping any of your symptoms if not the fog?\n\nIt's always possible that your problems are \"organic\" rather than mental, as the jargon goes. Is your TSH normal? If it's on the high end of normal it might be worth trying an increase in levothyroxine. And then the usual suspects: anemia, B12 deficiency, and maybe rheumatoid labs if aches and fatigue fit the picture.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ac07y", "comment_id": "8ac07y"}, {"question": "So you got rejected, do you look at it this way?", "description": "Imagine going to an audition and you don't get the part, you were not something the casting directors were looking for even if you are a good actor or a professional one. \n\nImagine going to a try out and you don't make it in the tournament or make it in the league or into the Olympics, you just were not something the judges were looking for even if you are a good player\n\n\nYou apply for work and you get called for an interview but you don't get the job, maybe someone else was more qualified than you were and had more experience even though you nailed the interview well \n\nThis is how I am trying to view social situations when I get blocked online or ignored or get rejected in real life. Maybe I am just not something the other person is looking for. Maybe we just don't have things in common or they can't relate to me. you can be a nice and friendly person and still be rejected because rejections are part of life. It's like an audition, it's like a try out, it's like applying for work, you will be rejected and the someone will take you in. It's the same with people, someone will like you and someone else might not so you don't just pick someone you want to be friends with and expect it to happen. Same goes for dating too and you won't know why you were rejected, same reason why you won't know why you didn't get the part or why you didn't make the team or the league  or the Olympics or why you didn't get the job. You are not going to always know why someone didn't like you. It could be nothing personal because maybe you are not someone they are looking for as a friend or acquaintance.  Dislike and like are two different things and even if they do dislike you, maybe you were just someone they are not looking for. You are not the right person for them nor are they the right person for you. ", "answer": "This is a very healthy way of viewing rejection.  Especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships or dating, rejection does not mean that there's anything wrong with you.... or the other person, it simply means you weren't a good match for each other.  \n\nNow on the flip side, if you find yourself constantly in these situations, it may worth saying \"What can I do to make myself more compatible with a larger number of people.\"  \n\nIt's all about finding a good healthy balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement.  \n\n:-)\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "80gfeq", "comment_id": "80gfeq"}, {"question": "Does PTSD have to have a specific triggering event?", "description": "I don't remember if we went over this in grad school, and I haven't been working in the field for over a decade, but is it possible for a person to have PTSD without a specific triggering event?\n\n**Background**: I have a psychiatrist I trust, and I have been in his care for talk therapy and meds for six years to treat my major depression and my generalized anxiety disorder. Any replies I get in here will not be construed as anyone online giving me medical advice, but they will help me direct a future conversation with my doctor. I earned my Master's in psychology in 2000, so I can \"talk shop\" about many mental health issues, but it's much harder to apply that knowledge to myself. It may be worth noting that I also carry an Asperger's diagnosis.\n\n**All categories of diagnostic criteria except, perhaps for the first one.** I have never been abused. My parents were great. I've never been threatened with violence. My father just died of cancer, but my symptoms have been going on for years. \n\nSo many intrusive memories, flashbacks to \"little (emotional) traumas\" that then trigger physical responses that can last for days, avoidance of things related to emotional traumas (like breakups with old boyfriends, even though I've been happily married for years, or seeing the names of former colleagues who majorly screwed me over), many \"negative alterations in cognitions and mood,\" and 4/6 of the \"alterations in arousal and reactivity.\" \n\n**It is possible** that 9/11/01 could have been an initial triggering event for me. I was working with kids at a psychiatric hospital at the time, and one of our patients had lost someone in the WTC. I had to accompany a 10yo girl to the ER for a rape kit when she was first admitted. Those kids suffered through some horrific forms of abuse that might qualify me for the \"indirect exposure in the line of duty\" part.\n\n**But it's not just the 9/11 anniversaries that set me off**, or news about people hurting kids, or women getting raped. I'd just given birth to our son when Hurricane Katrina hit, and that song about renewal \"Tonight's the Night the World Begins Again\" was played all the time in the fundraisers that followed...I burst into tears at a Goo Goo Dolls concert  last year when they started playing it. A former friend of mine was exceptionally cruel to me in the recent past, and when a song played on my husband's CD in the car yesterday, I had a flashback to sitting across from that friend and hearing that song for the first time as the friend sang along with it. I nearly had a panic attack in the car, and remember it last night in bed had me sobbing into my pillow so much that I had to get up at 3am and turn my computer on to type up a letter to that friend that I probably shouldn't send but probably will anyway.\n\nCould it be PTSD even if the flashbacks and other symptoms aren't necessarily triggered by anything remotely connected to my time working at the psych hospital? **I feel like it's existential trauma, but I don't think that's a thing.** I just want to know if it's an avenue worth exploring with my doctor since I've been going back downhill after having gotten better for a while.", "answer": "Anxiety NOS is the diagnosis used when people have PTSD sxs but no history of PTSD qualifying trauma", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2935id", "comment_id": "2935id"}, {"question": "What is considered \"low carb\"?", "description": "I want to go low carb/low GI. I was super successful with the weight watchers CORE plan 8 years ago. But now I am tracking calories/macros, not points, and have no idea what I am doing.\n\nThe all or nothing approach of Keto will NOT work for me. I know my mental health, and severe restrictions will not work. \n\nWhen people say they are eating \"low carb\" what is considered low? (Not keto low...)", "answer": "I basically just avoid refined sugar and bread, pasta. I eat rice occasionally and if it's a special occasion I'll just eat refined carbs, but I try to avoid it. I eat only 0-1 servings of fruit a day, 2 at the absolute most. I don't know how many grams of carbs a day I actually end up eating, but I know that I avoid eating carbs in isolation (I try to balance it out with protein, fat). ", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "3p2dc5", "comment_id": "3p2dc5"}, {"question": "Sharing a hotel room with 2 active alcoholics tonight. Oh boy.", "description": "They headed to the bar attached to the lobby as soon as we got our bags to the room. I shut the curtains, turned off the lights and meditated for 20 minutes. Just me and the hum of the AC. My foundation of sobriety has been feeling pretty solid these days, but every now and then...in situations like these, that all-too-familiar thirst creeps in ever so slightly and I feel a little momentary wobble.    \nNow I\u2019m out by the pool...the whole place to myself enjoying the solitude in the heavy air of this Southern summer evening. I am grateful to have clarity, peace, and calm in my mind. Thanks for being here, SD. IWNDWYT.    \n    \nEDIT: Thanks for all of the support, you beautiful people. I realized that little craving snuck up on me because I was HUNGRY! Ate a bunch of different types of empanadas and now I\u2019m going to watch some shitty hotel TV until I pass out. My roomies left to go out to the bars. I\u2019m going to wake up feeling great...", "answer": "Well done. That southern night by the pool sounds really great ! ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "96182w", "comment_id": "96182w"}, {"question": "The age old question: am I having panic attacks or am I slowly dying", "description": "Male, 22, 79kg, 180cm, Canada/New Zealand\n\nHi y'all, for the past year or so I've had these indescribable terror-inducing episodes of what I've assumed to be some form of panic attack.  My go-to technique so far has been to ignore it, but so far that's only been successful in changing the symptoms every few months.  So, instead of continuing the trend of closing my eyes and hoping it goes away, I thought I'd toss a description of it out into the world just to see if anyone has experienced something similar or knows what the fuck is going on.\n\nThere's gonna be a lot of details that I have no clue if they're relevant or not, and a lot of internal experiences that I do not have the literary abilities to describe, so bear with me if you can handle that\n\nIt first started as what I'd describe as an adrenaline rush with the added bonus of feeling like you're about to die.  The kind of feeling that'd make you think \"either I drank to much coffee or I'm in the midst of a stroke\".  I'm not quite sure why, but the episodes included a panicky, dire desire to get some water, as though I was seconds from death and water was the only lifeline I had.\n\nAfter a few months, a sudden flash of weakness joined the symptoms party.  I'd suddenly feel unable to stand and I'd have to find a place to sit down for a few seconds.  This'd eventually lessen, but what I lost in instability I gained in the inability to focus during these attacks.  If I was mid-conversation, I'd suddenly be unable to speak despite understanding what others were saying.  If I was scratching my face, I'd keep repeating the movement until I could \"regain control\" and stop it.\n\nNow the two most concerning ones:  a few months after the last progression, these attacks would include the sudden numbness of the right side of my body.  I could still move everything fine, (my face wasn't all droopy and I can lift my arm like nobody's business), but it'd just feel tingly and a little noodly for a few seconds.  And just a few days ago, that symptom disappeared and now when these attacks come on, it feels like my breathing is ineffectual and isn't drawing in oxygen, and like there's a lump in my throat.  And once or twice, I'm pretty sure I wasn't able to draw in breath for a few seconds.\n\nThese usually occur once every 2 or 3 days, but have ranged from once a week to thrice a day.  I've not been able to identify anything that triggers them, they feel as though they spring on me at random.  I've recently graduated and moved to a new country, but I'm a generally relaxed individual and don't really experience much daily stress.\n\nI feel as though this is essentially just me taking 500 words to say \"i have anxiety attacks\", but since I've convinced myself it's now worth going to the doctor over, I thought it would be worthwhile to type all this out as a trial run at describing all of this.  if yah have any idea about what the fuck is going on, i'd appreciate the hell outta you if you shared that.\n\n----\nUpdate for anyone who stumbles up on this in the future: turns out it possibly is just a lil bit of temporal lobe epilepsy caused by a small mass lodged up in my brain, still going through testing to know for sure!", "answer": "It could very well be panic attacks - however, new onset of panic attacks should still be seen by a doctor just to make sure there is no underlying medical cause, such as an endocrine or cardiac issue. Also, even if it is panic without a medical cause, there are far better treatments for panic than just trying to ignore it, so that\u2019s also a really good reason to go to the family doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f37ar8", "comment_id": "f37ar8"}, {"question": "Chernobyl Victim With No Direction", "description": "Hello, I'm a female who is currently 21 and was born in Klintsy, Russia in the Bryansk Oblast region. It was the heaviest contaminated city from the Chernobyl disaster. My family and I survived, but I am suffering effects currently and doctors are just as perplexed to meet a victim. I came to the US in 1999 and settled in Johnstown, PA (was adopted). My area is full of coal plants and other contaminants such as sulphur polluting our rivers as they're orange and many other issues including pollution. \n\nI am 5' 3\" and 108lbs. My race is Russian Indigenous (I'm not sure what group we belong to, as a kid I was always told to mark Eskimo as my demographic) and Caucasian mixed. My current medical issues that I've been diagnosed with are PTSD, RAD, BPD, Bipolar II, Severe Clinical Depression, traces of schizophrenia, Barrett's esophagus, H-pylori, and possibly Chrons and fibromyalgia (these were potential diagnoses before I left my doctor due to poverty and not being able to see her for months). I do drink quite a lot which is potential for my problems as well ranging from 10-15 beers a night to 1-5. It varies and isn't consistent. I also have scoliosis (12\u00b0 curve).\n\nMy current medication is only Birth Control and I take Adrenal Dessicated for helping my mental aliments. \n\nMy symptoms are: \nI used to be relatively darker skinned (dark beige to cocoa) naturally and I turned ghostly pale and anemic. I've suffered with exhaustion, vomiting, diarrhea constantly, stomach pains, burning chest, hallucinations, heavy memory loss, burning nerves, inability to properly eat as I regurgitate or feel awfully nauseous afterwards. I always have a fever hit me and water is not something I can drink often. These symptoms have been devastating me for about 5 years now.\n\nBeing a Chernobyl victim is very isolating and many American doctors are perplexed by my story. I was born only 4 hours away from the plant. I really need any kind of help as my medical insurance is very poor and I'm too poor to get the help I need.", "answer": "I'm a child and adult psychiatrist specializing in victims of trauma/abuse. I'm very sorry for what you've experienced throughout your life so far. I agree with the other physicians who had already replied: your physical symptoms may all (or mostly all) be due to excessive alcohol intake combined with the resultant nutritional deficiencies and effects on your GI tract and nervous system. The non-physical symptoms can be explained by a combination of alcohol abuse and your preexisting mental health disorders. None of your symptoms seem mysterious, and none seem due to Chernobyl. I hope you seek help for your drinking as well as for your medical and mental health symptoms.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bv8303", "comment_id": "bv8303"}, {"question": "How do I know if my child has anxiety or another mental health condition in isolation? What do I do if they do?", "description": "I was  wondering what online resources there are for helping me work out if my son has a mental condition. I don't want to over-worry but at the same time with isolation it's hard for me to find time / get traditional help on this. Also worried that if we do find out any risks, how I can best act to help in an isolation environment.\n\nAny ideas?", "answer": "1. How old is your kiddo?       \n2. What are the things you are seeing that are leading you to ask this question?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ggpqbu", "comment_id": "ggpqbu"}, {"question": "Back to school sobriety sale!!!! (roll call)", "description": "I've noticed in the last few weeks a surge of younger folks joining us which is awesome!! Since a common shared concern is that \"I'm to young for this!\" I thought we should do an age roll call, perhaps putting you in touch with others that share your struggles and your age will be of some comfort for what is ahead of you. I don't care who PM's me but if you would rather talk to someone who isn't old enough to be your mom, now you know who fits the bill!\n\nI'll start, 38 next week.", "answer": "19 now. Got sober at the age of 17.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2c6w4f", "comment_id": "2c6w4f"}, {"question": "We do we pussyfoot around AA?", "description": "There are many roads to recovery.  There is AA, SMART, SOS, Women in Sobriety, LifeRing, numerous cognitive behavioural methods. Some people stop on their own.  Some people use harm reduction.  Some people don't give a fuck.\n\nYet it seems in these recovery forums that we are ever so fucking careful about offending AA members.\n\nIt is obvious from reading any random sampling of these posts that a great many people have problems with the spiritual/religious nature of AA.\n\nThis reddit is called */r/stopdrinking* not *stoppedrinking* nor *stoppedusingAAtonotdrink\".  \n  \nIt is a place where people who have alcohol abuse issues come for answers.  \n  \nInevitably when people come to this forum there will be an AA member that will speak up for going to a meeting, etc, etc.  \n  \nThey have held the field for a quite awhile.  \n  \nBut that doesn't mean it has to be ceded to them.  \n  \nWhile I find AA can be useful for *very short term* sobriety - say 30-60 days.  It is  harmful for periods beyond that.  Unless you are prepared to accept *wholesale* the implicit implications found in the meetings, the steps, and the literature.  \n  \nSure there are those, like AA Agnostica and various other offshoots who say that the whole **Higher Power/God** business is overblown. They spend their time retrofitting their beliefs to the AA message.  Why they can't say that the AA message is flawed is beyond me.  \n  \nSo why do I bring this up.  \n  \nPerhaps it is because that not only may AA not be the answer, it may be the wrong answer.  \n  \nThere are countless numbers of people who abuse alcohol to a great degree who occasionally find themselves in situations, of their own making, that are intolerable.  During these periods, defenses are down, self-recrimination is high. So people, in their desperation reach out for answers.  They turn to reddits like this one.  \n  \nAnd the suggestions are **so** gentle: just go to a meeting, look for the similarities not the differences, find a sponsor, blah, blah, blah.  \n  \nWhat they don't get is a reasoned human being saying perhaps this is the method that you should see out.  Instead there are those with 1000s of days of sobriety who trot themselves forward as modern day AA apologists.  It could just as easily be said that those with 10+ years of sobriety were never alcoholics - much like AA claims for those who stop on their own.  \n  \nSee the thing is people wish to change their **behaviours**. AA insists that they have to change their lives. In my mind this is a complete falsehood and stems from AA's Oxford Group beginnings.  \n\nSo I put my voice out there because there are different solutions, and to take a stand against one of them is not harmful. It provides context, it provides another point of view.  It lets those who are questioning see that there is not one amorphous whole.", "answer": "This exact thread comes up with different titles and arguments which always comes to the same conclusion; disagreement. \n\nYou can't say AA may be the wrong answer because if you get sober and stay sober, in my opinion that is the right fucking answer. As you said this r/stopdrinking so whatever it may take to get a person sober is the right answer for them. \n\nAA never says anyone is not alcoholic, no where in the literature does it say that. That is not up to you, I, or Bill and Bob to decide. Neither does the literature say that AA has a monopoly on sobriety, in fact it says the opposite.\n\nI think it's safe to say, within this sub, AA is the predominately used means of getting sober, that teamed with AA's stance on fellowship means that people in AA are typically going to speak out more. If a person is deadset in AA being the only way, then that's simply not true because these other programs are proven as well. Not that you shouldn't heed their advice, but that is a naive mindset. \n\nThe whole concept of AA is built for the long term. The steps are not a 30-60 day thing. If you're only going to AA for 30-60 days you may as well involve yourself in another community based program like SMART.\n\nI don't know why I even respond to these things any more. These posts do nothing cause arguments which contribute nothing to those trying to get sober.\n\nSo, sorry everyone, I did it again.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1g3shl", "comment_id": "1g3shl"}, {"question": "adjustment disorder?", "description": "Has anyone else been diagnosed with a chronic adjustment disorder? With anxiety?", "answer": "An Adjustment Disorder tends to be a placeholder diagnosis, and usually can be diagnosed within 6 months of a major life change. The specifier \"with anxiety\" refers to the presence of anxiety as the primary symptom. The chronic modifier only means that symptoms have last longer than the usual 6 month period. \n\nI'm not sure what about it you want to know, but it honestly doesn't mean much. Usually it's used to avoid giving a diagnosis but still bill insurance.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4qtuo3", "comment_id": "4qtuo3"}, {"question": "Diagnosed with Measles - after receiving both rounds of MMR vaccine years ago", "description": "My information:\n\nAge: 23\n\nSex: Male\n\nRace: White\n\nHeight: 5'10''\n\nWeight: 175lbs\n\nI live in Israel, and flew back there from America on April 27th. I believe the flight is where I contracted the disease.\n\nOn Thursday 9 May I began showing the tell-tale rash, white spots on the tonsils, and dealt briefly with a fever. After a visit to both a doctor and a hospital where a blood and urine test was administered, I received a call the next day from the Israeli Ministry of Health saying that I was confirmed to have measles. I have since been forbidden to leave my room in a student dormitory at my college here in Israel, and have provided a list of people I have encountered to them.\n\nAttached is a picture of my face at the onset of the rash: [https://imgur.com/a/CdJ8am6](https://imgur.com/a/CdJ8am6)\n\nThe Ministry of Healthy believes I will stop being contagious Wednesday night (tomorrow my time).\n\nThis is strange, as I have had both rounds of the MMR vaccine, both in 2001 and 2006. I am an otherwise healthy 23-year-old man who has received every vaccine.\n\nI have several questions: Am I in the 3% of people who can get measles after both instances of MMR vaccine?\n\nI am flying to Italy on Thursday - is this something that I should cancel?\n\nIs there any special diet or treatment available?", "answer": "A reminder to u/toxicchildren and any other potential posters:\n\nThis is a medical advice subreddit. Discussion of evidence is acceptable, but anti-vaccine activism is not. Vaccines are overwhelmingly well established as one of the safest and most effective health interventions in existence.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bogfmj", "comment_id": "bogfmj"}, {"question": "I look high all the time even though I've never done drugs.", "description": "Am currently 15, I've heard a LOT of people say I look stoned all the time. I've never done any drugs before, so I don't know what it would be. I have dark spots from acne under my eye, and also wear contacts so maybe that's it? But I also don't think it is just my eyes that makes ppl think I'm high. \n\n\nthis seems kind of like a funny situation, but can anybody actually help me figure this out? Atm I'm thinking it could be a medical issue?", "answer": "We probably need a photo to work this out!\n\nYou're probably OK. And believe me, addicts come in all shapes and sizes.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "52o3lp", "comment_id": "52o3lp"}, {"question": "Fight for your life", "description": "I have been a smoker on and off for 14 years. I\u2019m also an RN who sees the terrible things it does to people over time. And yet I would still pick it back up. As long I didn\u2019t do it around my son, I thought , I was fine.  And then more recently my dad died suddenly of a heart attack last April at the young age of 59. He didn\u2019t seem sick at all, he was active , happy and  and seemed healthy. But... He was a smoker.  He told me  2 weeks before he died that he was going to quit on his 60 Birthday, which was just shy of a month away. Losing him has been the most difficult thing My family has ever gone through. He will never have the chance to see his precious grand children who are all under the age of 4 grow up. And all at the price of smoking. I have decided to fight for my own life , and that fight includes putting down the cigarettes once and for all. I hope that my dad\u2019s story motivates many to quit as well. We all hear these stories and think that it will never happen to us. But it most definitely can. Save yourself from yourself, put them down once and for all.  ", "answer": "You can do it!  I thought I'd never be able to quit and I'm just a few days away from 4 months smoke free.", "topic": "stopsmoking", "post_id": "7ouzac", "comment_id": "7ouzac"}, {"question": "Still sober after being raped", "description": "I wanted to follow up on my [previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/9k93ju/i_was_raped_last_night/) because you all were so kind to lend an ear when I posted last week in a bit of a crisis. Thank you again to everyone who offered their support. Just to know that someone was listening really helped me. If what I've learned can help someone else then it is worth sharing.\n\nThis last week has been one of the hardest. A little over a week ago I was raped in my own home by someone I trusted. I white-knuckled sobriety for awhile from there. \"IWNDWYT\" was too big of a promise to make. The days were too long and my emotions were too fraught. My anxiety ratcheted up to levels I hadn't felt in months. The world felt hostile, my home felt tainted. And I felt betrayed by sobriety somehow. Because what happened to me isn't supposed to happen to sober people, right?\n\nTo get through this, I had to dilate time, if that makes sense. I had to focus on getting through the next hour, or even the next minute, without a drink. To be honest, at times sobriety didn't even feel worth it at all. Why stay sober? So I could feel this sense of pain and betrayal and shame fully? In my heart I knew that it would multiply my problems and dig a deeper hole for myself. I started telling myself, \"If you still feel this way at this time tomorrow, you can go pick up that bottle of red wine you've been craving,\" and then when tomorrow finally came, I'd tell myself to wait just one more day.\n\nAs it's been said on SD before, if you can make it through your hardest days sober, you can make it through any day. I didn't want to lose myself to alcohol or to what had happened. I stuck to my routine of waking up early, exercising, eating right. Before doing things I'd ask myself, \"Is this a kind thing to do to/for myself?\" And if the answer was no I wouldn't do it.\n\nI know that healing isn't linear, and there will still be highs and lows, but I think I'm over the worst of it. Things have gotten a lot easier and I know I'm going to be okay. When I feel myself getting worked up, I try to allow myself to feel those emotions, accept them for what they are, and let them go. To let them wash over me without letting them take me out to sea. I'm seven months sober today and today I can say with confidence, I will not drink with you today. Thank you.", "answer": "I read your first post and I was thinking about you this week. You sound very courageous :) IWNDWYT ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9n36pv", "comment_id": "9n36pv"}, {"question": "Addicted too bitting my arms! - Itchy inside upper arms only! Doctors of Reddit help", "description": "15 White Uk and I'm addicted too biting my arms.\nMy arm bitting started around last year around September when I came off my holiday at the end of August from Spain which I stayed for 3 weeks 4 days in fuengirola. \nI was covered up a lot due too always feeling poorly when ever it's warm weather because I do burn easily but I didn't burn where my arms were so very itchy after the holiday due too being covered nearly all the holiday. \n\nWhen I tried too itch my arms too get rid of the sensation it would make my arm burn so bad that is made me feel like crying so I started biting because I found it was inside of my ARMS on the side which was itchy and no where else. It reduced the itching after biting by a lot. My arms would get infected a lot and my parents tried helping taking me too our Doctors 2 times a week due too my arms being in bad shape. I would feel very poorly due too getting infections and was told I could not bite them due too infections traveling/Getting worser too make a open wound! \n\nI was prescribed a lot of antibiotics which made me even more poorly. In around December when the doctors/hospital listened too my parents about the possible Medical issue I could have they tested me for Diabetes, Kidney, Blood pressure, liver... Everything but everything came back fine and that's what confused my parents and the doctors. they even tried ruling it out as Coeliac and loads of other things which came back negative due too me having Oral allergy syndrome which makes me allergic too fruit, veg, juices, all pollens etc but that is controllable. And I'm regularly checked for that. \n\nMy parents got a letter in around January for dermatologist too view my situation. When we went too go there they swabbed my arms due too them being very infected when I got there from the previous night of biting very deep. They got medical photographers in too take pictures of both my arms. \n\nThis situation keeps repeating they have told my parents they won't do a skin biopsy due too my already scaring which is bad and don't want too damage my arms any more as they are due too possibly having nerve damage because of my biting. They have also tried treating me with light therapy but after each treatment I felt very poorly and they dismissed me for treatment there. And now I've been reffered too CAMS due too biting my arms which is self harming. I've even said if I was gonna self harm I would use something sharp etc but they don't listen. I'm not depressed nor suffer with anxiety i love being outside love doing activitys love helping people and my parents even believe and they need answers cause the hospital thing I'm a medical mystery. I'm always in pain and always itchy in that perticualr place. Doctors of Reddit please help! I'm always on steroid tablets too help me, Ointments and lots of others. My weight has increased due too that and now weigh 96 kg. [my arms ](http://imgur.com/P6gMOQt) ", "answer": "UK psychiatrist here. Have you got your CAMHS appointment? What did they say about you when you were with them previously?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6wglfi", "comment_id": "6wglfi"}, {"question": "Is it unethical for a therapist, to publicly like comments that insult people with mental health issues?", "description": "I'm talking about Youtube therapist Dr. Todd Grande here, who is apparently obsessed with making videos about Narcissism, but that's not the point. I noticed that, when he's making videos on BPD, ASPD or NPD, he likes comments under his video where people straight up insult those suffering from those personality disorders. Dr. Grande likes comments like \"They are full of shit, lol. Try saying [blank] to them, trust me, it's driving them absolutely nuts\". So he pretty much supports people, who not only insult, but also suggest to bother those people. Seeing that reminded me of that unprofessional comment from Katie Morton, where she pretty much said those people were \"disgusting\". I was wondering if liking those comment is just as unethical?\n\nThanks in advance!", "answer": "This is a little bit tricky as when speaking of ethics and un/ ethical behavior for a profession, there are clearly defined ethical principles. For this to be unethical it must be contrary to one of these defined principles. \n\nThis will depend on the profession. While I'm uncertain about the ethicalness of this practice. It certainly seems to be bad form", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "d7aeig", "comment_id": "d7aeig"}, {"question": "Could my therapist refer me elsewhere if I tell him about my transference?", "description": "I'm really ashamed, and uncertain about my feelings towards my therapist. Lately, since I began seeing him, I've made some good progress. But I also get this bad feeling in my gut, like the butterflies in my stomach before I see him. At first I thought it was just anxiety, but lately I've been thinking I may have some romantic/inappropriate feelings towards him. That of which I'm obviously not comfortable with, nor do I even want to address.\n\nHowever, I've been reading that it's completely normal and common in patients to experience transference. Even if this is true, I'm still embarrassed, and I'm actually afraid if I tell him, he may be uncomfortable, or feel it's better that I find another therapist so that this doesn't get in the way of the professional nature of the therapy. Overall my question is, can he refer me to someone else if I tell him this and he doesn't take it well? If so, then I'm contemplating not telling him at all, because I don't want to risk losing the progress I'm making, yet at the same time I feel inclined to tell him because they're somewhat intrusive thoughts and gnawing at my mind.\n\nI know I'm not in love with him, but I just feel guilty for even thinking about him in that way, and like I should just keep it to myself. Can someone please help throw in their 2 cents?\n\nEdited: for wrong there/their.", "answer": "Do you think you can work through it until it passes? Do some work on your own to sort of talk yourself down? \n\nIt can be common if the therapist is of the gender you\u2019re normally attracted to.  I suppose it can still be a different kind of attachment when they are a gender you\u2019re not attracted to romantically and may manifest more as seeing them like a parent, sibling, or close friend. While we don\u2019t worry as much when it\u2019s a feeling like the latter, we do when it feels like romantic feelings. \n\nAn idea might be to journal or think on what it is that is the attraction. Is it because they are kind, empathetic, genuine, supportive etc? Those are all the things we want in a SO right? They are good qualities! If the T is attractive then even more so may we find ourselves attracted in this romantic way....finally a good quality human who does all the things we could hope for. They listen, they support, they care. Sometimes the knowing we can\u2019t have them can intensify this (the old wanting what we can\u2019t have). Try to remind yourself they are human and have flaws you don\u2019t know about. Maybe they are really messy and leave their underwear all over the house, maybe they get really grumpy when they don\u2019t have their way, or maybe they survive off chocolate milk and Cheetos that they eat while sitting in their briefs watching some awful show that you would never watch in a million years lol idk just coming up with random things. Point being maybe thinking of qualities they are missing that you would want in a SO or make up your own not so attractive qualities they might have that would be a turn off (yet not lead you to lose all respect for them as a therapist lol).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "epciq6", "comment_id": "epciq6"}, {"question": "My doctor thinks that I have Bipolar, my therapist thinks that I have Cyclothymia, and I don't know what to think right now.", "description": "**TL;DR: Antidepressants made me worse, my doctor thinks I have Bipolar, my therapist thinks that I am cyclothymic.**\n\nA year ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My doctor started me on Paxil, but after a rough 6 weeks, I switched to Zoloft. This is the same time I began therapy. \n\nI seemed to be doing ok on the Zoloft for the first several months, then I started to develop really severe mood swings. I've always had moderate mood swings between \"Everything is awesome!\" and \"The world sucks!\", but I never thought anything of it until recently. I just thought it was a normal young adult thing (I'm a 21 year old female, for the record).\n\nThe more my doctor increased my meds, the worse I got, until he and I talked about me weaning off of them. I have now been fully off of the antidepressants for about a month now.\n\nMy doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist to rule out bipolar disorder. My therapist leans more toward believing I am cyclothymic than bipolar. On my highs, I've always thought I was having a mild anxiety attack--talking super fast, tons of energy out of nowhere, the need to do absolutely everything all at once, racing thoughts, inflated self-esteem. On my lows, I've always thought that it was just depression--lethargy, no motivation to do anything whatsoever, inability to sleep (or sleeping too much), irritability, general depressive mood. And I've always been this way, although it seemed worse when I was on Zoloft. I wouldn't say that I've had any major episodes of either, though.\n\nMy psychiatric referral isn't until mid-April, but I'm all sorts of paranoid. My dad has bipolar disorder (although I'm not sure whether he has I or II). My doctor believes that I am bipolar, but my therapist believes I am cyclothymic. I don't know what to believe, I'm just trying to get through this. I don't want to be on any more meds, but if I have to, I will. \n\nWhat do you all think? Those of you who are cyclothymic, how has your diagnosis changed your life or the way others perceive or treat you? Enough people tip-toed around me when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I don't want it to happen again with a new diagnosis.", "answer": "Think of it as a spectrum.  These two diagnoses are both on the spectrum but at different intensity positions.  So, essentially if either is correct, then its a form of bipolar.  ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "3zivv2", "comment_id": "3zivv2"}, {"question": "Mastrbation for 14yr old?", "description": "I\u2019m a 14yr old male and mastrbate 1-2 times a week with lotion. Are there any health risks with the frequency and the fact of mastrbating?", "answer": "There are no health risks to masturbation.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hh3j47", "comment_id": "hh3j47"}, {"question": "Am I [23F] asking for too much from my [21M]?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been dating for getting close to 6 months. He's practically brand new in the world of dating. Before me his last relationship was ldr and it was back when he was still in highschool.\n\nWell, I'm having a bit of an issue here. Keep in mind they're minor and I usually I just let it go or even laugh about it because everyone's got their own baggage. But imo they're starting to add up and starting to make me want to yell at him. \n\nI apologize if its lengthy but here goes:\n\n   We both live in our parent's houses (thats not the problem) Now a 20 minute drive doesnt bother me; what does bother me is that everytime I arrive there he's either still asleep in bed, or awake but unshowered or even hasn't even brushed his teeth. Especially that last part. He knows I hate bad breath and bad hygiene yet he's always trying to kiss me even though a single toothbrush bristle hasn't even touched anywhere in his mouth. And everytime I ask why he hasn't he's always saying something like \"I was busy\", even though it could be 2pm and he texted me he was awake around 11am. Like what could you be doing thats so time consuming you can't take 2 minutes out of your life to brush your teeth? I took like an hours worth of time and energy to look good for my bf, why cant he do the same?\n\n   Next, he doesn't have a car or a license (again, not a problem) What DOES bug me is that everytime I pick him up, I never get a thank you or anything. Furthermore, when I try to bring up driving school or anything its automatically shot down with a \"No, I havent looked into it\" or an \"I don't have time/money\" I'm always telling him I'll happily pay for the school or drive him there but we never get past that. \n   \nSpeaking of money, the problem is just that. Now before I get there, let me just say he has spent money on me often and I thank him everytime for doing so. But everytime he does get a huge sum of money one of the first things I tell him is \"Ok before anything, save $ __ amount of money for driving school/an apartment/ a car/ etc\" and before the week ends, guess where it goes? Anime/manga, fast food, video game related items, everything but what we mentioned we need to save for. I get that we all want things, but his bad habit is that those are his priorities rather than his secondaries. \n   \nLastly, the last problem is that he doesn't work. His last job was a work-study but he's not in college this year due to some fafsa related problem. Same concept as the driving school dilemma: I ask, met with \"yeah I'll do it later\" or \"no I haven't so stop nagging me to do it\". Meanwhile I just finished my umpteenth job application because I'm desperately trying to support myself, my car insurance, and him and our needs.\n\nTL;DR: Bf is stinky-breathed, unemployed with no driver's license\n\nI'm constantly being told that I'm being that \"overbearing nagging buzzkill girlfriend\". I'm wanting to know if I'm asking for too much from him? Or am I in the right? Any advice for this type of relationship?  Thanks!", "answer": "There there are few absolutes in life. It is less about right or wrong or overbearing or under bearing or nagging or not nagging; it's about whether or not your boyfriend is the kind of man you want your boyfriend to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5shuan", "comment_id": "5shuan"}, {"question": "33F divorcing ex (38M), found new BF (34M)", "description": "I (33f) dated a guy (38m) for three years, and was married to him for a little over 3 years (6 year long relationship total), during which we had sex twice while married. It took 3 years, but I fell out of love with him, while he slowly became a fairly nice, yet messy, roommate there at the end.  I mean, we had sex fewer times than years we had been married.  We seem to be fairly amicable about it all. \n\nSo the odd part is that I sometimes forget that I'm still technically married because I started getting out there and dating people as soon as we separated 3.5 months ago.  And I just don't really think about my ex, like I suppose that I should be. \n\n1. **Is forgetting that I'm not yet divorced weird, uncommon, or really poor emotional maturity on my part?**\n\n2. I didn't think that I'd get \"serious\" or \"exclusive\" with any one guy while in the middle of a divorce, but I seem to have done it.  We've met some friends/co-workers so far, but no family or best friends, yet.  **I should get the divorce finalized before we do any family meet and greets, right?**  I haven't even told my family that I'm dating, yet, because I don't think I want to have the conversation with them. Is that a sign?\n\n3. Saying \"I love you\" seems to be on the horizon of things that the new BF (34M) might say in the near future.  I don't feel comfortable saying it back until I feel \"free\" to say it, but what are good responses to that possible occurence, that won't hurt his ego, too much, if I don't say it back at the same time.\n\ntl;dr Sometimes I forget I'm getting divorced, is that weird? How soon to meet new BF's family? How do I not say \"I love you\" back, but keep new BF happy?", "answer": "in a sexless marriage, the intensity/intimacy is not there.  which means that it's essentially platonic/sibling-like.  which means you're kind of not married [with a capital M].  which means you've been emotionally available for a long time, thus finding a bf quickly isn't a surprise.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "620732", "comment_id": "620732"}, {"question": "My fiance has waited for my divorce to be final. It happened today. He accused me of filing fake papers.", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I had a rocky start.  We have been much better these days. However, he is paranoid.  Chronically paranoid.\n\nMy divorce has taken 3 years to finish and today was the final day.  It\u2019s done.  I didn\u2019t go to court, my ex did, since it was uncontested at that point.  We have done a lot of mediation to get here.\n\nI have been telling my fianc\u00e9 that it\u2019s done \u2014 almost done \u2014 getting done \u2014 for awhile.  My ex\u2019s lawyers were slow and no one was in a hurry because there really wasn\u2019t any money at stake.  It was indeed driving me crazy too.\n\nSo I stopped promising and just texted my fianc\u00e9 today and said \u201cit\u2019s finally done.  My ex just left the court.  I\u2019m officially divorced\u201d\n\nHe said \u201coh,  yah.  Good to know.\u201d  He said he was going to be calling the court for a certified copy.  He admitted to me last month that he called the court weekly to see what was or was not happening with the divorce.\n\nThen about an hour after this \u2014 he was leaving the house and he called and said some cops were in the cul da sac talking in their cars.\n\nHe said your location wasn\u2019t working on your iPhone well today,  cops in the cul da sac and your ex was at court.\n\nWhat\u2019s really going on here?  Did you or he try to put a restraining order on me?\n\nI said OMG.  Are you kidding me right now?  He said anything is possible with me.  (I did put a restraining order on him in the first year we were together because he had a temper and was threatening me.  But we obviously worked things out).\n\nBut I was just like\u2026.wow.  I take 10 steps forward and 22 back\u2026when he talks like this to me.\n\nI am about to head home and I\u2019m not in a good frame of mind.  I am actually sad about the divorce.  I have a son and it really does hurt.  \n\nI can\u2019t talk to my fianc\u00e9 about that.  But it\u2019s tough.  My ex is now nice to me and we are good parents.  But, I am sad to say the least.  I feel a lot of regret.\n\nIs any of this and/or my feelings normal?\n\n", "answer": "impossible to have a healthy rel. with someone like him", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6yi4d3", "comment_id": "6yi4d3"}, {"question": "Just ruined Christmas for my family. Guilt is unprecedented", "description": "My agoraphobia has taken over my entire life. Just had to tell my family I can\u2019t be there because I can\u2019t function enough to do so. I was told that I have ruined Christmas and they\u2019re completely shocked that they are even having this conversation with me. I\u2019m a total failure. I don\u2019t feel any form of happiness right now and just feel like an entire sack of shit. I hope no one else is going through this, but I\u2019m sure there are people with the same problem. I hope everyone\u2019s making it through the holidays alright. ", "answer": "You didn't do this. You didn't choose this and other people with the same affliction do the same thing. If you were in control you'd choose differently. Treat it as the infection it is. It's not choice because you'd never actively choose this awful shit over an awkward day with family. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "7m2v5e", "comment_id": "7m2v5e"}, {"question": "My SO is in AA and suddenly ended our 3 year relationship- Can someone help me understand what is going on? (X Posted)", "description": "My boyfriend and I were dating for almost three years. We moved in together in January and one weekend in April he was away on a bachelor party trip. I went over to his moms house and she told me she was worried about him- that he had a gambling addiction. This was the first I had ever heard about this.\n\n\nWe planned to confront him on the Sunday of his return and while I was at work before picking him up his mother found drugs in his room. When we got to his moms she had staged an intervention and he admitted that he was doing drugs (not gambling) the entire time (going on about 7 or 8 months- possibly more).\n\n\nI had no idea that he was doing this. For awhile I thought he was depressed and thought that was just really what was going on but he was actually extremely addicted to heroin. This was absolutely crushing to me. My father died from a drug overdose when I was 15 and this really hit close to home.\n\n\nHe immediately went to a drug rehab after we confronted him. At first I thought he would only be there a month but it turned into a 90 day program. I supported him the entire time he was there by going to once weekly therapy sessions with him and going to a drug and alcohol seminar for 3 days at the rehab. We talked daily and got to see each other a couple of times when he was able to leave on a 8-hour or weekend pass.\n\n\nBy the time June rolled around I thought that he would be getting out and able to move back into our apartment we shared together. When I went to the therapy session for the week he told me that he would be going to a halfway house for six months after he left to stay sober.\nI can't say I was happy about this decision- I would have to move out of our apartment because he would no longer be living there and wouldn't pay rent. However, I wanted him to do what was best for his health and what he needed to do to stay sober.\n\n\nAs of last week he had been at his halfway house for a month- which meant that he would be able to leave on his own when he wanted. Which meant we would be able to see each other more than we had since he entered rehab in April.\n\n\nWe saw each other on Monday and he talked about wanting to hang out on Thursday (I was off work) and how I should pick a restaurant we could go to and have a good day. On Tuesday night he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore.\n\n\nThis was a complete shock. From the beginning he always told me how grateful he was that I was supporting him. I can't understand why after being there for four months (and over 2 years together) that he can just cut me out of his life all of the sudden.\n\n\nI understand that while in recovery and AA you become selfish because this is a life or death situation. I have been to Al-Anon and heard what the people in there have had to say too.\n\n\nI am just so confused and hurt that after all this time it is like I don't even figure into his life anymore. I know that some people say not to start a relationship within your first year in AA but we have been together so much longer than that.\n\n\nIf anyone can give me some advice- or help me understand maybe what is going on with him I would be so grateful. This has really affected me and I just want some understanding so I can have some kind of closure.", "answer": "I wouldn't be quick to call this selfishness. I mean it may very well be, but I don't think you or any of us have the full story. \n\nIt sounds like there is more going on that we're not hearing and I don't think we're equipped to deal with the situation either way. I would look into actually workong at alanon because they can help you more than we can. \n\nI'm sorry you went through all this, alcoholics are a strange breed. My only advice is to be willing to talk to him and let let go of any resentments. Because where I'm from no one in the program would suggest to just cold shoulder you. The program is one of selflessness that begins on the selfish motive of escaping alcoholism. For me that quickly changed to being of service to the people my life.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1kdp3y", "comment_id": "1kdp3y"}, {"question": "Why don't mental health professionals take insurance?", "description": "  Why is it that medical professionals take insurance but not mental health professionals? \n\n I don't want to see some random social worker, I want to see someone with a Ph.D. in psychology, who is actually trained and went through therapy themselves.  But they want $260 an hour and don't take insurance. \n\n Who can afford that? Seriously. ", "answer": "Any therapists I've seen in the past have taken my insurance. I live in MA and we are fairly ahead of the curb in terms of mental health though. Where do you live? I'm not used to hearing about mental health professionals not taking insurance. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "70zc1b", "comment_id": "70zc1b"}, {"question": "I faced my fear and sang at an open mic night for my first time!", "description": "I've been reading How to Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I'm still in the beginning of the book, but she talks about our thoughts and how we can control our reality via our thoughts. She says when we feel fear, it's an indication of where we have room to grow. So when I was working on my laptop at a cafe and they started setting up for their open mic (that I did not know about before hand) I felt few feelings: First, a desire to get up and play. Second, fear of fucking up & doubt that I would sound good especially not having practiced for it, then third I felt compelled again to just DO IT because this fear is showing me where I have room to grow, and I want to grow!!! So I asked a guy if I could borrow his guitar and he put me on the list and I DID IT! Afterwards all the other musicians were clapping and encouraging me to play more, that I sounded great and they hope to see me next time! AHHH I'm so glad I did it!! It was only one song and I was clearly nervous but I just had to do it. I want to face my fears so that I can live a life free of second guessing myself. I wanna proudly walk on stage with confidence that I can sing and play and it doesnt matter if I mess up as long as I'm having fun. My heart was pounding the whole time and I was sweating but I feel so proud of myself now. Thanks for reading yall :)", "answer": "Congrats!  I remember the first open mic I played about 15 years ago when I was 17.  I was so nervous it sounded like I was singing with an unintentional vibrato!  :-D  I find playing them to be the best way to face your fears and start to overcome your social anxiety.  Keep it up!  Maybe make it a regular thing?", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "acktxq", "comment_id": "acktxq"}, {"question": "I put a spoon in the blender", "description": "This week in ADHD fun, I tried making a smoothie for me and my roommate, spent  40 mins assorting the ingredients and when I finally started blending - I started to hear really loud noises. I still kept going. When I was done - I poured the smoothie out and JESUS FUCK IT HAD A SPOON. My roommate had a couple questions for me tho:  \n1. How the hell did I get the spoon to drown under the fruits?  \n2. What was the spoon even being used for?   \n3. Why didn't I stop when I heard the loudass sounds? I could've broken the blender. \n\nI didn't have the answers to any of them. I never do. Oof.", "answer": "> My roommate had a couple questions for me tho:\n\nMy husband also often has some for me. I feel you.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c2y6jp", "comment_id": "c2y6jp"}, {"question": "Everyday becoming more and more comfortable with wearing no makeup in public", "description": "Okay so the title pretty much says it all. And I'm damn proud of myself, there were times when I literally couldn't leave the house without tons of makeup on. But nowadays it doesn't make me that anxious.\n\nBtw I'm not trying to shame makeup wearing at all!! I personally love makeup and I'm a super enthusiastic makeup wearer. :^)", "answer": "You know what?  FUCK YEAH!!!!!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "781fd2", "comment_id": "781fd2"}, {"question": "So overwhelmed with getting diagnosed", "description": "I\u2019m working to get diagnosed, at my therapists recommendation. Every time we sit in our session she basically tells me all my problems are related to my adhd and that I should really get assessed. I am only covered by insurance in my home state which is leaving me to have to find an psychologist to do an evaluation on my own. I don\u2019t know what to do. All of the psychologists around me are child psychologists, and I\u2019m 21. \n\nMy senior year of highschool I was assessed by a man (who i later found out graduated in 1978 and hadn\u2019t updated his evaluations since) who told me that I didn\u2019t have ADHD , and that if I was having all kinds of problems relating to impulsivity or focus I should talk to my guidance counselor for help since my grades were high. Most reviews online bashed him for only being after the insurance money and being a shitty psychologist. My primary care doctor (pediatrician at the time) recommended him and it seemed both thought that girls with ADHD were very rare. \n\nNow here I am, struggling with day to day life and I still am not diagnosed. I am nervous about getting another guy like the first who think that ADHD only looks like loud boys who can\u2019t sit still, and then being told no again. I have been looking at who my insurance covers, but none of them specifically say they work with adhd adults. I don\u2019t know what to do and I am so overwhelmed. If someone could please help me I would really appreciate it. \n", "answer": "Find a psychiatrist (an MD who can prescribe meds, since meds are really the first line treatment) who specializes in ADHD instead of a psychologist. A psychologist can do an assessment but can\u2019t prescribe you meds. A psychiatrist can assess/diagnose you plus give you meds if it\u2019s appropriate. Going to a psychologist would probably be an extra and potentially unneeded step for you. If the psychiatrist wants you to undergo neuropsych testing to confirm an ADHD diagnosis, then go to a psychologist for that.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a72rc5", "comment_id": "a72rc5"}, {"question": "What are you even supposed to do with free time", "description": "Me, when I'm busy: man i can't wait til i have free time so i can do all the things i want to do \n\nMe, having now achieved some free time: ?????? what was it i wanted to do? what's even Worth doing? do i have any purpose? time to go wander around outside and try to either figure that out or distract myself from that question?? Will I Ever Be Satisfied?", "answer": "This is my life.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "bkc1g4", "comment_id": "bkc1g4"}, {"question": "Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Syndrome?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: Male\nHeight: 6'5\"\nWeight: 180lbs\nRace: White\nDuration of Complaint: Months to Years\nGeographic Location: Pacific Northwest\nExisting Medical Issues: Anxiety (gee I wonder why)\nCurrent medications: Escitalopram 5mg\n\nProblems:\nPremature Atrial and/or Ventrical contractions (hundreds per day). Exercise makes them worse.\nTwitching all over body, especially in eyelid, flanks, and calves. Rarely does a minute go by without noticable twitching.\nLack of energy even when getting plenty of sleep.\nDull lower abdominal pain and bloating. Usually mild, occasionally severe. Typically worst in lower right quadrant.\nAcid reflux correlated with bloating.\nFrequent but small, irregular and often difficult bowel movements.\nUrination has become more frequent, and often cloudy.\nSharp pains lasting for a <1min and radiating from right flank to groin (\"colic\"?)\nHeadaches almost continuously.\nPulsatile tinnitus.\nRemarkably shaky hands (similar to what I see in 90-year-olds)\nHard plaque builds up extremely quickly on my teeth even when I brush well 3x per day.\nEpisodes of shortness of breath.\nPain/discomfort in legs with no clear cause (mostly knees, calves, and ankles).\nGenerally \"absent minded\" and forgetful.\nThree of what appear to be fibrous papules on my nose.\nLots of atypical moles.\nBack in 2016 a blood test showed somewhat high calcium (10.1 mg/dL) and low Vitamin D (21.8ng/mL).\nMost of these symptoms were present in 2016, and have only become more severe as time goes on.\n\nThe two different doctors I saw about most of these problems basically said that anxiety was the cause (not an effect), and that it would go away if I stopped thinking about it. Well, with the help of Escitalopram I managed to do that. I was convinced for about 6 months that it was just anxiety and quit worrying about all these problems. However, the physical symptoms just kept getting worse up to the point where I can no longer just keep ignoring them.\n\nI have noticed that this is basically a one-to-one list of the symptoms of Hyperparathyroidism, along with additional symptoms consistent with MENS1, which I did not know existed until recently. My brother has many of the same symptoms as well as a crooked and painful joint in one finger that has developed over the last couple of years.\n\nAs far as I can tell from skimming medical journals and disease databases, there is no other cause for all these problems in siblings that isn't far more unlikely (two unconnected cases of HPT is much less likely in 22-year-olds (about 1/1000^2) than one double case of MENS1 (1/10000), non-MENS familial HPT is so rare that nobody even knows the incidence, and non-tumor HPT is rare and typically doesn't cause symptoms). That sucks, because MENS1 is basically a guarantee of dying young from some really nasty cancers.\n\nAny opinions on this?", "answer": "To echo what was said: you have a bunch of nonspecific symptoms, many of which are consistent with anxiety. You have a high normal calcium\u2014and note the *normal* there\u2014and low vitamin D. And most importantly, look at the name: multiple endocrine neoplasia. The sine qua non of the syndrome is *multiple neoplasias* (tumors/cancers), which neither you nor anyone in your family seems to have had.\n\nRather than running the numbers on hyperparathyroidism (which there is little to suggest that you have) and MEN1 (which, again, there is little to suggest that you have), it's worth considering whether your symptoms suggest either disease. They would be consistent, but they are not suggestive; they're nonspecific enough to be consistent with anything, including no disease. (Depending on severity, of course, but it sounds like you've seen doctors and none of them have, for instance, assessed your tremor as needing neurological workup.)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "a0fyyi", "comment_id": "a0fyyi"}, {"question": "Is this really how it's supposed to work? I spend all my life working so I can fail to even scrape by.", "description": "This has got to be some kind of sick joke. Am I really supposed to somehow survive on this income? Is this supposed to be in any way realistic? \n\nI spend the vast majority of my waking hours working and all I have to show for it is a ruined credit rating, maxed out cards, an empty bank account and collectors up my ass all day. The cable company is repossessing their modem because I couldn't afford the fucking cable bill. Whatever, thank god I don't have to pay cable anymore. Good thing there's such a thing as free wifi or I wouldn't have any internet access at all.\n\nWhat REALLY fucking gets me boiling is reading these useless financial advice blogs. \"Oh you're just not saving because you spend too much on frivolous shit.\" Like fucking what asshole? Like my tiny ass apartment where I have no TV, no furniture, no bed, no cookware, no food but the beans and fucking rice and off-brand ramen noodles I eat every day? Or maybe you mean the one pair of jeans I wear to work every god damn day and hope no one notices because I have nothing else to wear? Is that the frivolous spending you're talking about? These stupid fucks in their own world where somehow I'm magically supposed to have $100 a month to put in savings. I have to pay my rent, I have to pay utilities, I have to pay for my utterly asinine medical bills ($500 for three visits with a shrink who just wanted to talk about fucking sports the whole time. Are you shitting me?). \n\nNext time I get sick I'm not going to the fucking doctor I can tell you that much. I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope I don't have fucking cancer, cause I sure as hell know what I don't have, and that's enough money to pay your retarded ass fucking bill!\n\nThen people tell me to start a business or invest. Go fuck yourselves. What planet do you live on? What am I supposed to invest? The linty quarter I found under my mattress? Oh yeah I'm sure that's gonna pay all kinds of dividends you useless dipshit.\n\nI swear I feel like I'm talking to aliens half the time. \"Oh $7 for a beer? That's so much. I'll take five beers please.\" Are you kidding me? That's like a whole day of fucking work! Is this real? When I listen to other people talk about money I feel like everyone's playing a prank on me. You spent HOW MUCH ON DINNER? $100 on FOOD? FOR ONE NIGHT? Do you know how many weeks worth of ramen and canned kidney beans you could get for that?\n\nThe whole god damn world is just one giant dildo designed to fuck you in the ass, and it's set up so the more you scream and the more your asshole tears the deeper and harder and faster that dildo thrusts it's way up there. \n\nOh it costs $20 a month? Good I can manage that. OOPS you missed a payment now you owe us $5,000 a pint of blood and your first born son, sorry. \n\nSo you're strapped for cash. You spent some money because you wanted to buy something for your girlfriend on her birthday, because god forbid you ever try to be giving or generous or attempt to show appreciation or affection. You miss one payment. Now that payment is twice as much, you can't afford that. So you have to let it go again, now it's three times as much, you finally manage to pay it off, but at the expense of two other bills, now both of these are twice as much.\n\nIf this is how life is supposed to be count me out. I'll go live in the fucking woods or some shit then. It's just a constant nagging tension on my mind, I don't need to be filthy rich. I don't even need to be a little rich. I'd be happy with comfortable I'd be happy with not dreading the sound of my own phone ringing because I know it's gonna be a debt collector. I'd be happy with not wincing in emotional pain every time my girlfriend wants to do something and I have to tell her no because I'm too god damned poor.\n\nI'm not lazy, I'm not a fucking bum. I didn't drop out of school, do drugs, commit any crimes. I rarely drink, I don't smoke, I don't gamble. I did everything I was \"supposed\" to, and all I got in return was buttfucked.", "answer": "Financial advice blogs are not meant for people in \"actual\" trouble like you.  They are meant for people who ARE making enough, but are just fucking themselves.  What you want looks more like this:  \n  \nhttp://www.snap-step1.usda.gov/fns/  \n  \nhttp://feedingamerica.org/foodbank-results.aspx  \n  \nhttp://www.wisegeek.org/who-is-eligible-for-welfare-in-the-united-states.htm  \n  \nhttp://www.dshs.wa.gov/esa/tec/  \n(state specific but will give you an idea of how the system works)  \n  \nhttp://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/housing_choice_voucher_program_section_8  \n  \n  \nand if you have zero assets and only debt.... http://sites.lawhelp.org/documents/74261bankruptcy.html  \n  \nKnowing what state or even a more specific area you were in would help a LOT more.  There are tons of city-specific programs to help people.  \n  \nI am sorry that this is happening to you.  I hope things turn around.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1kn43y", "comment_id": "1kn43y"}, {"question": "Anyone else don\u2019t feel like doing anything when they get a bad stretch of depression?", "description": "I\u2019ve had so much to do today laundry, homework get groceries but I have barely touched any of it. I feel so numb and don\u2019t want to get up. Anyone else ever feel like that ", "answer": "Totally.   I often feel that way.  Playing computer games and reading was the best I could do.  Forcing myself to work out bit by bit helped.  Baby steps regarding workouts, but it\u2019s definitely worth it. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9ibyph", "comment_id": "9ibyph"}, {"question": "When your [23F] SO [27M] cheats, can you ever really get past it?", "description": "I discovered that my partner of 5 years had been sneaking around with pictures of people we know personally because they were familiar faces (his words, not mine). This may not be considered cheating to some people, but they weren't random pictures of girls he'd found online, it's more personal.\n\nI feel betrayed, I can't trust him and I'm genuinely curious if you can ever *really* get past something like this and continue a normal relationship. ", "answer": "Yes. Many relationships survive cheating and become happy relationships again. It's not easy though, and it's not like anybody involved forgets what happened or necessarily becomes indifferent to it. \n\nWhat your partner of five years did is creepy, but he didn't fuck anyone. He didn't make out with anyone. No one touched his penis. No one whispered I love you. No one sent sex-fantasy emails.\n\nIf your relationship was good, it can probably be good again. If it was built on a hollow romance that you were both perfect for each other, and that neither of you would do something as common as have masturbatory fantasies about your friends, then it's probably going to be a problem. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6e7mfe", "comment_id": "6e7mfe"}, {"question": "I (27/f) want to tell my partner (28/m) how I feel without crying but that seems impossible as I've tried a million times...", "description": "We are almost 10 years deep into a relationship that has/had? long term goals including a house and kids. However the long and short is that our relationship is crap right now and we both agreed to work on it but it's becoming more and more one sided (my side) as the days goes by. \n\n\nI want to tell my partner how I feel but crying always makes me look weak and he always seems to get the upper hand when I cry. I hate HATE that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hold the tears in ffs! I want to talk without my emotions completely choking me up. I will literally stop mid sentence when I feel the tears coming and breath long and deep and try to focus or look at the ceiling to regroup my thoughts and try not to let water run but it just does. I've tried rehearsing, I even cry during that! What's worse is that I'm not sobbing outside of a quivering bottom lip, my eyes literally just pour out tears. I can sometimes get it together enough to simply talk but as I talk, tears run... It's so frustrating. \n\n\nAny advice on how to talk to him without crying? And yeah, I've thought about writing or something that doesn't require me actually talking to him but this is serious stuff and I don't feel like words on paper is the right way to handle this. ", "answer": "it's ok to cry. it's not weak. it's what u feel", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6y8t22", "comment_id": "6y8t22"}, {"question": "Can anyone explain confidentiality?", "description": "Im another post, someone said therapists break confidentiality regarding past harm (if someone harmed you as a child, for example). Is it true? I'm quite anxious now", "answer": "Every state has their own law regarding this.  Some are stricter than others.  \n\n\nIn my state, PA.  We only report incidents of child abuse if the child being abused is currently under 18.  The only other instance we'd report is if someone who is over 18 reports past sexual abuse and the perpetrator currently has access to children who may be in danger.  \n\n\nAnything else is confidential, however, this vastly differs from state to state.  I would ask your therapist to discuss the specifics of their duty to report and/or look up your state's mandated reporting laws (if in the USA, if elsewhere, look up your local laws).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "do1dc9", "comment_id": "do1dc9"}, {"question": "At battle with a mass astringent - Why I will break my relationship with you over 1 drink", "description": "* If someone relapses, being understanding and giving them another chance is probably the right thing to do.  One drink, or one night of relapse is not really a big deal.  If they recognize the mistake right away and get back on the path, that's a good sign, isn't it?  Lots of people with long term sobriety tell me a story about how they were sober for a good piece of time, had one drink or one night of relapse, and realized immediately that it was a mistake.\n\n* I really hope that's your story.\n\n\n* One night of relapse is not a big deal, really.  It's no big deal to drink alcohol, and that's the problem.  Some of the people I know reacted with suspicion and outrage when I decided to quit, \"we all have a few bad nights, but that's no reason to QUIT DRINKING, Jesus.\"  It wasn't even a big deal when I hit rock bottom, just another bad night, one of 2000 similarly bad nights where I had too much to drink.\n\n\n* Even when I quit drinking, I wasn't sure about my decision.  I had to rely on wanting to want to quit for at least three months.  Every other day I had a plan, craving, or dream where I could let it slip, drink under controlled circumstances, or drink after a long stretch of clean living.  I had to give every craving pause by just putting it off until later, \"I might be heartbroken now, but I don't know how I'll feel in 6 weeks, a year from now, or when I'm 50.\"\n\n\n* Right around three months of sobriety was the first time I could genuinely make the decision to never drink again, and at that moment I shut the door on alcohol for the rest of my life.  Fuck a day at a time.  Fuck \"cheating on your diet\" and having a few drinks one night.  Fuck the entire current culture and alcohol's sanction by society.\n\n\n* In 400+ days of sobriety I have managed to move back from the cliff's edge of active alcoholism by about 2\".  I will always be on the precipice of picking up again.  That's well established.  I can put that away, put away my fear, and enjoy the view from this outcrop of sanity that I sit on.  The wind is alarming, but will not push me over that edge.  I can look down at the rock bottom below and experience the fear that I will jump, but not move.\n\n\n* If I forgive someone for making a mistake and picking up a drink, then maybe I could forgive myself for doing the same thing.\n\n\n* Do I really want to toy with that decision that I wrestled with for 10 years before I found sanity?  If I antagonize that decision in any way, I feel like I will end up struggling with that decision for the rest of my life.  I don't want to struggle.  I don't want to be with someone who is struggling.\n\n\n* Alcohol is out of my life for good and I will go the rest of my life without ever having another drink.\n\n\n* It's not you, babe.  It's me.  Things were great, I worried that you were struggling with cravings, and I'm sorry I couldn't understand.  I've moved on from the struggle.\n\n\n* Your mind can accomplish amazing things that you don't even realize yet.  You can remove your self from your feelings and observe them from a distance.  I couldn't do that while surrounded by a bunch of grown-ass children who live from hand-to-mouth, denying themselves nothing, over-fed and overexposed to advertising, but instead found it in the forests, in tranquility, in the human's native land.  That's my answer, and I hope you find yours.", "answer": "I can't in good consciousness end a relationship with a person that goes back out when I know how deceptively powerful this disease. If I wasn't forgiven or welcomed back or helped after I lapsed I would be drunk right now. I can't turn my back on someone out there who could be set free from the vicious cycle that alcoholism runs in people's lives, especially not when that love was so freely given to me when I couldn't love myself. That's my view on it.  ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1jwass", "comment_id": "1jwass"}, {"question": "Hey how common is it to turn down a patient at \"Intake\"?", "description": "thanks made a decision!", "answer": "Could you ask him about his experience first? Ask where he trained , he likely did his internship or post doc in an inpatient facility,  which is extremely common. \n\nYou are assuming that your hallucination history is the reason for the problem you are having.  Everyone is booked right now because of covid.   If I had to guess, I would guess that  you aren't getting calls back because insurance is a hassle when so many are begging for therapy and willing to pay cash. Many therapists have only a few slots for insurance. Obviously,  a return call would be polite,  and I'm sorry you aren't getting that. \n\nI have never, ever , ever turned away a patient after doing intake and\" finding something inconvenient.\" However,  it is ethical to accept someone out of scope or who requires specialized treatment.  For example, I am fine treating someone with psychosis,  but not able to treat someone with an eating disorder. \n\nHallucinations are one of the most commonly omitted issues in SPMI. Of course honesty is the best way to get help, but it is not unusual to lie.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hn6m0q", "comment_id": "hn6m0q"}, {"question": "First relationship", "description": "Hey guys, i've never posted here before, but if this post does not belong here feel free to tell me.\n\nI need some advice, I've during the past month gotten into a relationship with this girl. On sunday i woke up with her, etc etc.\n\nBUT, why do i feel so uncomfortable thinking about the whole situation? I just have this uneasy feeling everytime i think of this. Am I scared of actually going into a relationship? I've wanted a GF for a long time but when i finally meet one i just cant shake off that feeling.\n\nI've never been in a seriois relationship before, this is new to me, could that be why? Am i scared of commitment? \n\nHave anyone else felt this before?\n\nRight now i think i will just let it flow and see what happens. Hope someone here can have some advice for me. Thanks!\n\n", "answer": "yes, let it flow. one step at at time.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60myec", "comment_id": "60myec"}, {"question": "Wife [22/f] hates my [22/m] family & \"all men\" (except me); threatens to divorce if I become vegetarian.", "description": "Been together since we were 15 years old. We are seniors in college, been living together for about 2 years. I left my family's religion shortly after we started dating; my very-conservative family therefore [incorrectly] blamed her for leading me away from the faith. It's been about 5 years since my family has talked about this directly to her; they just pretend everything is okay and act awkwardly about religion (they really hope that I'll 'find Jesus' again but don't know how to talk about it).\n\nShe's adopted some \"new feminist\" ideas over the past year or so... she regularly says that she hates all men because they're sexist pigs and that women are naturally smarter than men... except for me... I am apparently just as smart as a woman.\n\nSince she's adopted these views, I can no longer reason with her. Over time, her initial reaction to any form of disagreement has become name-calling (\"motherfucker,\" \"asshole,\" etc). Now she regularly threatens to divorce me about once a month or so. About once per day, she asks me, \"Why don't you love me?\", \"Do you think I'm fat?\", \"*I want attention!*\", etc.\n\nExamples:\n\n* We were vegetarian for about 2-3 years. I told her last night that I'm thinking about becoming vegetarian again. She then told me that putting up with my sexist family and many other things (which she somehow couldn't name) have pushed her to the edge, and that if I were to become vegetarian, she would divorce me. She said this about five times, sobbing. I said we should sleep and talk about it in the morning. She didn't accept that; then she kept me up for a half-hour (in other arguments, she's gone on for 2-3 hours, keeping me up well past midnight and causing me to have a panic attack 2 or 3 times). She pretended like everything was normal in the morning, no apologies or anything.\n\n* We visited her family during Christmas/New Years. Her grandparents got her started on these subjects. Before long, I left the room as her grandparents essentially argued on my behalf, telling her that she should tolerate her in-laws the same way I tolerate hers, that she needs to get a handle on her temper, etc. She justified herself by saying that she's sick of \"pleasing other people\" and just wants to \"please herself.\" Her grandpa told her that that's a bad plan for any relationship... she then said that he was just in a bad mood/wanted to argue against anything she says... around and around they went. When our visit was done, her grandma whispered to me that \"everything will be alright\" but that she knows that my wife \"can be hard to handle.\"\n\nI don't want to leave because she's the only girl I've ever been with, we've been together for a number of years, and divorce sounds terrifying to me. What can I do to help steer us in the right direction?", "answer": "marriage counseling. this is severe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m36rc", "comment_id": "5m36rc"}, {"question": "Marriage advice pls!", "description": "I am married for 1,5 years and in first of months of our marriage i realized that my husband has a drinking problem...Although we have no problem at home he still cant get himself out of the bar till 2-3 am at least twice a week...he got badly drunk most of thr times and we had bad fights... i finally left home and went back to my home country...Almost begging for 2 months he visited me and my family telling how badly he feels, he wants to change etc i trusted and came back...now it has been 3 weeks and started same thing again.. he just says sorry and wants me to get over it and accept his sometimes drinking out late... so please let me know what do you think i should do? Thanks..", "answer": "He's an alcoholic. Only downhill from here...a life of hell for both of you. Give him an ultimatum.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "76cjjs", "comment_id": "76cjjs"}, {"question": "I watched my dog die as a child, and I still think about it nearly 15 years later", "description": "I've always loved animals, and I still do. When I was just starting school (must have been 5 or 6) I had gone over to a friend's for a play date. Their dog had just had puppies, and there was one of them in particular that always just wanted to cuddle with me and was such a sweetheart. We named him Chuckles because of the happy little squealing sounds he made. I saw them several times while they were still with their mom, and was absolutely in love with this little guy.\n\nUnfortunately, the family wasn't able to place all the puppies, and ended up taking them to the pound. My friend told me at school and I remember being extremely sad and upset. My parents ended up adopting the same dog a couple of days later to surprise me. I was so happy; as I said, I loved this dog to death. To my parent's chagrin, he turned out to be extremely energetic, destructive, and difficult to keep in our small house. He grew to be around 90lbs, and at the time we lived in a *very* small house, but at least had a big yard. So he stayed outside a lot of the time, on a long leash with plenty of room to run. We had a big back yard out in the country. My dad would let him run around without the leash some as he mostly stayed in the yard and our few neighbors didn't mind; Chuckles was always very friendly with everyone.\n\nHowever, we lived fairly near one of those backwoods roads that people drive wayyy to fast on. Chuckles was playing across the street one day, and I called him to come inside so he could eat. He rarely listened to me, but picked this one time to do so. One second he was bounding towards me happily and the next, Jeep pushing 50mph slammed into him. My dad later told me that he crawled to our front door where he passed away a few minutes later. I was 7 years old. I didn't get along very well with other kids at that age- he was my best friend. \n\nToday, my family has another wonderful dog who I still get in to see fairly regularly. But as she gets older, and I get closer to getting a puppy of my own, I can't stop thinking about watching my dog's bones break as that car ended his life. About his scream when it hit him. I'm 21 now, and I've coped with my grandpa's death 2 years ago, and my dad nearly dying from illness before that. But sometimes the pain of thinking of that moment gets so intense it's all I can do to put my head in my hands and wait it out. I never got counseling for that, though I probably should have. At the same time, it was just a stupid dog. A stupid dog I loved too much. Why do I still think of him? Is it anxiety, depression? I dread the day our family dog passes. The grief is going to be so much worse. I don't know what I'm looking for in the comments, but anything kind or supportive is greatly appreciated. Sorry to ramble. \n\ntl;dr : I watched my dog die violently as a 7 year old kid and 14 years later I can't get over it, especially as my current dog gets older.", "answer": "Yep, as both other commenters stated, there could be a trauma response going on and possibly some unresolved grief.  I'm not sure where you got the idea in your head that \"it was just a stupid dog\".  For most of us our pets are family members.  I cried my eyes out for months after my cat died.  She was the first pet I ever got that was mine and not my family's.  She only lived about 2.5 years before dying of heart failure, but while I had her it was while I was living alone.  She was my best friend.  I still keep her picture up and miss her even though I have a new little buddy.  \n\nI'm a therapist and I've done a lot of grief work with clients.  When you have a loss that requires grieving, you can't avoid or go around your grief, you have to go through it.  I tell them to think about it like you're walking around with a \"?\" above your head.  That represents just how much you have to cry and feel the grief.  It represents a magic number of how many times and you won't know what it is until you've reached it.  Once you've reached it, you'll know.... \n\nYou'll never stop missing your best friend from your childhood and there's nothing wrong with that.  It's just a testament to how much you loved him.  Once you allow yourself to fully grieve, you will be able to stop letting it have such a negative impact on your life.  \n\nOne thing that was helpful to me was reading [The Rainbow Bridge](https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm)  \n\nI'm not religious at all... but I really liked reading it and boy did it make me cry.  Certainly helped me get to my magic number.  Not sure how this might help you but I hope it does.  Best of luck friend.\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n\nP.S. I don't believe there's such a thing as loving a person or pet \"too much\"\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6vuw0k", "comment_id": "6vuw0k"}, {"question": "OCD makes me think of FUCKED up shit", "description": "i see my family my friends everyone i care about being tortured in the most horrific ways and it plays on repeat in my head and i don't even believe in god but every time i pray out of desperation to make this shit go away it just puts more satanic images in my head. then it twists my intentions and tells me I'm a monster and i will somehow be responsible for acts of pure evil. i can't take this anymore, i shake so bad all the time and people think i smoke meth, i've been so ridiculed all my life and it makes me react to anyone even jokingly insulting me with anger and violence. i can't do this anymore, i can't even kill myself because i'm scared i'm going to end up in hell for that and be eternally tortured for trying to escape this suffering. i'm losing my sanity and i have completely changed. i am miserable all the time and it seems like the only way this could have ever been different is if i were never born. i can't do shit it's gotten so bad, i'm mentally handicapped and i feel like a fucking retard and i hate myself for it and i fantasize about my own death almost all day every day. please help me", "answer": "You are not your thoughts. OCD is one of the cruelest mental illnesses, because it has a way of finding whatever you care more about and hijacking it. As a matter of fact if you *didn't* care about it those obsessive thoughts wouldn't have any power, so your OCD will *always* try to find what disturbs or scares you most. The problem is that the more you try to make those thoughts go away, the more power your OCD will have. \n\nYou are not a bad person, you are a person with OCD. The good news is that OCD is treatable. Look for a therapist in your area that specializes in Exposure Response Prevention (ERP), it is the most effective treatment for OCD. It's not an easy road, but things can absolutely get better.  ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "93yfqs", "comment_id": "93yfqs"}, {"question": "18M and bestfriend F19 with bf over the line", "description": "Not really sure where to ask this:\n\nI\u2019m in a really messed up situation emotionally at the moment. There\u2019s this girl who has been my bestfriend for about 1 year now. She\u2019s amazing and we have a fantastic friendship. In the last 2-3 months we started flirting a lot, she has a boyfriend which means that there\u2019s borders that we obviously can\u2019t cross. When we drink we have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship just without the kissing and the sex. Everything else we really do.\n\nOne night we ended up kissing multiple times and ended up at her place where we had sex. I\u2019ve started to catch feelings for her, which I know is bad since I really don\u2019t want to destroy her relationship up more than what I have already done. I really hate what we have done, but I can\u2019t do much about it now. I\u2019ve tried to get over her and seeing new girls, but it\u2019s almost impossible for me since I just can\u2019t get over this girl.\n\nWe don\u2019t have as much contact as we used to, but every time we party together we end with our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship again and again. When seeing other girls I just can\u2019t fall in love or feeling anything for them, since I always think about this girl. I went out a couple days ago with my mates and ended up seeing one of the girls that I have kissed. She was at the club at the same time and every time she saw her approach me, she would try to get her away from me. When we see each other in our every day life we don't talk as much as we used to and we ignore each other a bit. When we are drunk we go back to the same behaviour and we are suddently great friends again. She asks me if I'm angry at her etc. I say no, but nothing really changes afterward.\n\nMy first priority is to get over her. I would also love to keep our friendship, just without going over the line, but I'm not really sure how we can save this or if she's too invested emotionally as well. I want to get rid of the feelings really, but I'm not sure how.", "answer": "I don't mean this as a criticism, but you guys are just caught up in a bunch of nonsense right now.  \n\nAn adult relationship is an incredibly boring, lovely, fun thing, where you hang out with one of your best friends and like it, and have sex, and like that. \n\nNothing prevents two unmarried adults from enjoying such an un-fraught relationship. Nothing. She can dump her zero and get with the hero. She can absolutely do that. You can stop fucking chicks you don't care about and just bone her. It's totally doable. \n\nThe fact that you guys aren't doing that likely means that one or both of you doesn't really want to pay the cost to get the bennies. But it's the only sane deal available. Take her out to lunch. Tell her you want to give this a real try, and see if she's willing. \n\nIf not, stop kissing her, stop fucking her, and stop helping her cheat on her boyfriend. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fptwl", "comment_id": "6fptwl"}, {"question": "What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you?", "description": "I've heard a lot of people say that they can't concentrate because they have so many other thoughts whizzing round in their head.\n\nFor me, it feels like my brain is filled with a fog and I'm very spaced out. My mind drifts off very easily but I don't usually tend to have racing thoughts. I feel almost like the lights are on but no one's home. It feels like the more I try to concentrate on something, the harder it gets. I can stare at a blank screen for hours, getting started seems to be the hardest thing, and the moment I get distracted, I'm back to square one. \n\nI'm not diagnosed with ADHD but am looking into getting an assessment soon. This is the thing that makes me think I *don't* have ADHD because I feel the opposite of what a lot of people say.\n\n\n**TL;DR**: What does not being able to concentrate or focus *feel* like to you? Does anyone else feel like there's almost no thoughts inside of their head instead of having too many racing around?", "answer": "At least for me, not concentrating seems to be a misnomer. I feel like I'm much more likely to concentrate TOO much, even on things that have no utility to the task at hand. \n\nI often feel like I'm standing before a wall of TVs tuned to all different news channels. I'm trying to concentrate on only one of them to get the really important information but my brain keeps slipping and listening to whatever else is going on around me. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "3cj2tf", "comment_id": "3cj2tf"}, {"question": "My parents fight CONSTANTLY and my dad tells me I have to choose", "description": "Alright, so... this has been a long time in the making. I have different issues with each parent, but I tend to agree with my mom more. I think that hurts my relationship with my dad, and my brother sides with him exclusively, even when he agrees with me/my mom in private. My dad's made flippant remarks to us for years about divorce, has said about that to my mom, and in the last few days I finally heard my mom say something about it bc she can't live with it anymore. We have been building a house for a year and a half now, and it's been an absolute trainwreck and we've ended up building it ourselves, which has caused a lot of conflict as my dad and brother and, to a lesser extent, me spend a lot more time there than my mom does. A year before that, we finally reunited, as my dad had been living in a different state for work, and my mom and brother and I were still where we used to live trying to sell the house and go to school and all kinds of stuff. Everybody's stressed out about everything - that, finances, etc. My brother and I are now seniors in high school, so we've got things going on too, except we get bogged down in responsibilities that really aren't ours. My mom works from home and talks about how she has no friends, and takes issue with the fact that my dad talks to his friends on the phone all the time and never spends any time with her, but he really doesn't want to i guess because it always turns into an argument. I feel like they're at an impasse. There is so much resentment, and I really don't know what to do anymore. I am generally the referee. And it pains me to see anyone treat someone else badly. I have depression and am medicated, my brother refused to take his meds he was issued from a different psychiatrist and claims he's fine, and we just don't talk about it. So that's the extent of that, took me years to get my mom to understand I needed help.\nThis July is also their 25th anniversary.\n\nAs far as I'm aware, and this is according to my dad a while ago, they tried counseling for one session and then my mom never wanted to go back. Idk how accurate that is. And I'm sure they would say they don't have time for it anyway.", "answer": "You have a responsibility to choose for your own development, even if that means feeling like you let your parents and siblings down. You are not responsible for your parent's relationship or house. They seem not to be taking the necessary steps to work on the issues, until they do, they have no right to burden you with their issues and responsibilities like this.\nI'd advise you to get help to live by yourself and become financially independent. Medication and therapy can help but not replace this as long as it's not a team effort. \nDon't be your parent's therapist, troubleshooter, etc.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hct6zd", "comment_id": "hct6zd"}, {"question": "Relationship advice needed for a partner with Aspergers ", "description": "I have had a pretty low key relationship with a guy with aspergers for about a year now. I know about his diagnoses through a mutual friend, and he doesn't know that I know. I go to school somewhere else, and we keep in touch and see each other relatively often but I feel like our relationship would be a lot easier if I could talk to him about his aspergers so that I could better understand what he needed from me. \n\nI usually am the one to initiate conversation which makes sense to me regarding his aspergers, and he always seems to be happy to talk to me, but I wish that we talked more. I want to be careful because I don't want to be too overbearing, but I also feel like I should be more clear with him regarding how much I like him and care about him because that was something I didn't do in the past. I am having a hard time finding the balance between being clear and direct with my feelings and intentions and being overbearing because I definitely don't want to overwhelm him and we are both people that benefit from space.\n\nRecently in a social setting together with a bunch of our friends, he felt as if all of his friends hated him due to a miscommunication that he was paranoid about due to aspergers. I was as supportive to him as I knew how to be and I knew that I was the only person he didn't feel negative feelings from and afterwards he opened up to me quite a bit about the situation. I was happy that through that it didn't have any negative ramifications on our relationship and actually brought us closer. I want him to be able to trust me when he experiences things like that, and I want him to know that I will support him through that, but I don't know how to bring it up due to the fact that I'm not supposed to know about his aspergers.\n\nAlso, even though we've been hooking up for about a year, we have never had sex. He is always the one to initiate, but never tries to initiate sex. Is this normal? Is there a way I can bring this up with him without making him feel pressured or awkward?\n\nAny advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!\n\n\n", "answer": "As far as your knowing about his asperger's goes, that problem doesn't sound directly asperger's related.  If you knew he had been arrested once, or was molested as a child, or had a kid that he hadn't told you about, or was a secret millionaire, it would be the same situation, and not an easy one.\n\nYour biggest clue there is that he hasn't brought it up.  This is almost definitely because he doesn't want to.  He may think you would treat him differently.  Well, since you already know, you probably wouldn't treat him very differently, and you don't seem to think it is such a big deal...\n\nSo, if it's not a big deal, treat it like it isn't and don't bring it up, and try not to let it bother you.\n\nSo, if he does tell you one day, you can say \"oh, I knew that... I just didn't think it was a big deal.\"  For me, personally, anyway, the kind of acceptance I appreciate the most is the the subtle understanding kind, not the \"Hey!  Here is me accepting you!  Let's talk about it!\" kind.\n\nAlso, in my own personal experience, I need to be told what to do by my girlfriend.  I need to be told what she expects from me.  It helps me to deliver wherever I can, but she still has to do more than her fair share of just sucking up the fact that she won't get every kind of affection she wants from me.  If you like to be clear and expressive about your needs, GREAT!  It doesn't have to be about asperger's.  With anyone, asperger's or not, you should be expressive, but also be sensitive to their tolerances and capabilities.\n\nAs far as the sex goes, I love it.  But, due to my lack of social grace, I have trouble understanding exactly how far to take things.  I know it is often more traditional for the guy to push things further and further and for the girl to determine just how far that is allowed to go, but for me, I need confirmation and reciprocation every step of the way or I just don't get it, and things will grind to a halt.  Most of the time, it ends up with me being such a tease that a girl would end up jumping my bones instead of the other way around.\n\nI would suggest that you try to take an equal part (or more than an equal part) in escalating physical activities.  If you aren't he may think that he has already reached the end of the road (as far as what you are ready for physically).\n\nTL;DR treat someone with asperger's with the same care and caution you should treat everyone else with (even though we don't most of the time).  Be clear and guide your aspie partner toward what you want, because there is a good chance you won't get it otherwise.", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "vllps", "comment_id": "vllps"}, {"question": "I had to speak in public and I sucked.", "description": "At uni for a class I had to speak in front of my everyone -while my teacher was recording me- about a job interview (like a simulation) and my friends told me that I was moving my feet, which I can't recall. I'm 24 and I've never been in an interview, my teacher says that I have to speak even about my hobbies, my family, etc. and I don't know if this is well seen in my area (Electrical Engineering).\n\nWhat can I do to overcome this? Although I had a bad experience I feel grateful for this being a 'simulation' and not a real interview.\n\nAny comment or recommendation would be great, I'm disposed to speak everyday with the mirror if I have to.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "Also remember you're your own worst critic. Ask people critiquing you to mention things you did well to build your confidence. You get so many props for trying to learn and improve yourself. A large part of this battle is in your head so do things repeatedly to gain comfort and you will gradually get better. Keep trying!", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "72xavq", "comment_id": "72xavq"}, {"question": "college fundraising on instagram but no friends to donate", "description": "my club is making me do a bingo fundraising thing on instagram, where ppl donate to you and you cross off a spot on the bingo card. problem is i just dont have that many friends in general and im worried no ones gonna sign up and donate. idk i just dont want to embarass myself if that makes sense. i have the option to opt out but i just feel like a dick since its for a good cause and i dont have a good enough reason to do it.", "answer": "Ugh that sucks. I hate those kinds of things especially when I involves social media.  Would you be able to reach out to local businesses on Instagram and ask if they would be willing to participate? Also try family if you have some you\u2019re in contact with and family friends if you have any family that might be willing to spread the word. You might also be able to get some Reddit folks if you\u2019re comfortable sharing your instagram. r/assistance is one that comes to mind. If I think of others I will come back and edit this. Best of luck! :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "iaiuhc", "comment_id": "iaiuhc"}, {"question": "Prescribed Phentermine -- any advice?", "description": "After failed attempts with Victoza & Metformin, my weight loss doc prescribed phentermine. Originally he was thinking Contrave, but I told him it feels more like my metabolism has stopped dead vs overeating being the reason for hovering around 200lb. However, the fact that phentermine is a stimulant is freaking me out! Has anyone taken it and had a positive experience?", "answer": "2 years ago I went to a weight loss clinic and was on it for about 6 months. I lost close to 40lbs but when I stopped taking it (because of the side effects: jittery/heart palpitations) I gained all that weight back within a year. It worked, but only while I took it because it\u2019s just a stimulant - it didn\u2019t help me change any of my problematic eating behaviors.", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "be7q5q", "comment_id": "be7q5q"}, {"question": "I'm worried that my sister's depression is getting worse and I don't know what to do", "description": "I'm 26, my sister is 25. I've been noticing lately that she's more quiet and reserved than normal. She's in a long distance relationship with someone who isn't comfortable around our family so we don't get to spend much time with her. Shes also been making a lot of comments on her tumblr about \"the endless void\" and how she has to cope with her mental illness. \n\nShe's gotten upset with me in the past for asking her what's wrong so I don't want to make her uncomfortable but I also want to be there for her. \n\nShould I just back off until she asks for help? I know how lonely and empty depression can be, especially if you feel alone and I want to be there for her but she seems unwilling to talk to me. ", "answer": "try to get her to a doc", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vdva1", "comment_id": "5vdva1"}, {"question": "My [17/F] boyfriend [19/M] posted a picture of his ex and doesn't think he did anything wrong and refused to remove it.", "description": "I found his reddit recently and when I did I saw that one of his most recent posts was of his ex. I brought it up and he claimed that he just thought people would like the picture and that's why he posted it but I have a major problem with it. This happened a few weeks ago and it's all I can think about ever since and it's ruining everything for me. What makes it worse is that she lives close to him and I live over 2,000 miles away and he's told me that she wants him and if he wanted he could be with her which made me feel even worse. Also, the picture posted was from quite a long time ago off of facebook which would mean that he would have had to have been looking through the profile. He claims that a friend of his commented on it and it popped up in the news feed but I checked and the most recent comment was from months ago. When I asked him to delete it and told him how much it hurt me he refused. Oh and then he posted a captioned picture of me from over a year ago that wasn't as popular and he told me it was because I \"looked like a slut\" and guys don't like that and that she looked classier. I've talked to him several times about it but I always end up feeling worse when I do. I've been with my boyfriend for eleven months and I don't know what to do about this. Any and all support will be much appreciated.", "answer": "You've talked about some major red flags. Run and run now. You're young and haven't invested too much time into this \"boy.\" He sounds emotionally abusive and I imagine it'll only get worse. Why waste more time on someone who makes you miserable. I've known my husband since I was 13 years old and I'm 26 now. We've been best friends the entire time (but only married 2 years) and know how many times he's made me miserable? Zero. We disagree, sure. But he is respectful 100% of the time. That's what love is. Respect and kindness. Please know that if you move on and have high standards for what you'll accept from others that you will find someone MUCH better. You don't want to regret wasting YEARS with this guy. Or have him end up being your ex-husband or shitty father to your children. Let him go on, mature and figure out how he should treat females (or at least let him make others miserable until they learn the same lesson you are). I was with 2 boyfriends in the past that were similar to yours. Was with one for 3 years and the other for 7 years. It was painful and sucked. I learned good life lessons but I wish I had learned them quicker and didn't have to do all the repair from the damage I allowed them to cause.  Life's too short, man. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "2n1s0t", "comment_id": "2n1s0t"}, {"question": "Lamictal STUPIIDD", "description": "Ive been on Lamictal for a like a year and a half, and i feel like i have been getting progressively slower. And Apparently i am not alone as there is a few similar posts on here. \nIm currently on 125mg. And Im just basically finding it harder to put thoughts into words. I used to be a really quick learner, was an A+ student. I could write a paper or a lab report in 4 hours. I used to be witty and quick on my feet. Now its like my brain feels like its on power saving mode. I feel like if my brain was a three story house, the light would only be on in the ground floor. I dont know if that makes any sense. And its like i dont want to decrease it and get depressed or whatever so like, do i want to be dumb and feeling moderately alright or smarter but sad? \nSo anyway if anyone relates or has advice pls share with me. Thanks for the ventilation.", "answer": "Yes, I'm on Lamictal. Yes, I don't feel witty and charming anymore. But, it's better than being deeply suicidal for 3 weeks every other month.\n\nWe need to look at the pros/positive side vs the cons/negatives. There is a reason we went to the doctor to get put on these meds.\n\nThe problem with BD is that we've experienced hypomania. We want to stay in that state forever. But the truth is, we can't. Mentally healthy people can't, either. And we're not even in the same boat as them.\n\nYes, it has its effects, just like chemotherapy has negative effects. But the alternative is worse. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings. It *is* a bummer. But the therapy part of it should help us (at least it helps me) to come to peace with our lot in life.", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "hqse3f", "comment_id": "hqse3f"}, {"question": "Ptsd comes in waves???", "description": "Anyone feel there ptsd get worse and then okay then worse.? If so what do you do.? ", "answer": "Yup. Knowing that makes it a little helpful to accept when it comes. ", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9yiunt", "comment_id": "9yiunt"}, {"question": "Rollercoasters?", "description": "Hey guys. Just curious. Does anyone else here avoid roller coasters completely? I\u2019ve always associated them with people getting sick from the fast movements and twists and turns so I refuse to go on any rollercoaster or carnival rides. ", "answer": "I used to, but a surge of bravery about 10 years ago made me go on one! I\u2019ve been on probably 20-30 roller coaster rides and have never had an issue.", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "ak4358", "comment_id": "ak4358"}, {"question": "Should i try anti-depressants", "description": "Hi, I'm really conflicted, i have been having problems with depression and anxiety for like the last 3 years and its been getting worse and worse so I have really been considering using some medication, but the problem stands that i cant see a doctor about it because i dont want people around me to treat me different or seem like i need special help and dont want to worry my family, but the up side is that where i live i can legally purchase any type of medication without prescription, is there any thing that is maybe super mild and like safe with little side effects.\nI am a 20,male, 185cm tall, 105kg, never have taken any medication and never smoked.\n\nP.S: As for the family part, 2 weeks ago i had a not that bad bactaria in my throat which got cleared right away with some antibiotics and my mother was literally crying because she didnt want to see me sick even though i did not have any perceivable symptoms.\n\nPlease help.\nThank you in advance.", "answer": "Depression and anxiety are each a spectrum, ranging from normal reactions to life to severely impairing. The medications tend to be much more effective for severe depression or anxiety and have little evidence (though not none) for helping with milder forms. Without a more thorough evaluation than can be provided her it's hard to know if this is even an approach that is likely to help you.\n\nMany antidepressants have no side effects for most people. Several in the SSRI class (fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, escitalopram) are best known for having fewer side effects than older (or many newer) drugs. That said, they can cause problems, including mild ones like headache, upset stomach, nausea or diarrhea that are usually mild and usually go away in a week or two, and potentially more serious problems.\n\nIf it would be possible with your family, you could see a doctor and not discuss what exact problem led you to make the appointment.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8d5em0", "comment_id": "8d5em0"}, {"question": "Wife (34F) wants trial separation and I (35M) don't want to leave the house", "description": "Ok, so my wife wants a trial separation to see if she can figure things out on her own. Basically, I see divorce coming. \n\nAnyhow, we have 4 kids. We're going to start by living in different rooms of the house and just sort of keeping apart from each other, trying to actually schedule apart times. She is the one considering divorce, not me. She also wants to maybe get a separate place for this separation if the \"in house separation idea\" doesn't work.\n\nHere's the kicker: She wants to have both of us split time away from the house. So we'd get like a room somewhere and one week she'd sleep there and the other week I'd sleep there.\n\nI really really don't want to leave my house and kids. Am I crazy here? Should she be able to make me go out of the house so that she can have time with the kids and not just be a \"visiting mom\"\n\nI hear where she is coming from, but this separation is not mutual. I don't want to separate. Should I go along with this and split a place and split time away from my kids while we're still married? She said she does not want to divorce at this point.", "answer": "usually the one who wants the separation leaves, if that's what they want.\nbut....have you gotten counseling together?\nseparations only work if there's definition;   set a time limit, and commit to not dating others.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kyrbj", "comment_id": "5kyrbj"}, {"question": "Father is dying of liver failure. Options?", "description": "My father (56 years old) has struggled with life-long alcoholism. He abstained for several months earlier this year after attending out-patient rehab, but apparently that did not stick. We noticed he was extremely jaundiced, had a lot of confusion, his belly and legs were swollen, and he was bleeding from the nose and mouth a lot - so we forced him to go to the hospital.\n\nThe diagnosis was alcoholic liver disease, severe cirrhosis, and alcoholic hepatitis. He's currently in the hospital where they are administering steroids for 7 to 9 days to see how his liver responds. As he is an alcoholic, they indicated that he needs 6 months of sobriety to be considered for a transplant. He's not doing well, and they informed us that the 3 month survival outlook is very low.\n\nMy question is, is there anything we can do other than hoping he survives 6 months (most likely won't)? Are there certain clinics or states or even countries where they will perform a transplant for an alcoholic who is going to die without one? What about liver dialysis or artificial liver to keep them alive until they can get a transplant? \n\nI'm just trying to figure out all of the possibilities as it seems they are just telling us \"he needs to be sober for 6 months for a transplant, but he's not going to last 6 months.\" He's in the hospital and not drinking any alcohol currently as he doesn't have the strength to stand up. He indicated that he is fully willing and wants to stop drinking alcohol permanently.\n\nAny advice is greatly appreciated.\n\n", "answer": "Huge amount of sympathies.\n\nIm an addiction psychiatrist in the UK. We do have the occasional patient who gets to this position, despite all attempts to maintain long term sobriety.\n\nWas your father ever a candidate for medications such as disulfiram, before his liver failure became so severe? If so, how did he get on with this? Its a moot point as its of no use now.\n\nLooking at our guidelines in Scotland and the rest of the UK, we would not consider transplantation in individuals with active substance dependence - the obvious points being that follow-up treatment is unlikely to succeed and ongoing (second) liver damage/failure is likely.\n\nAnyway it's obviously a horrendous time for all of you, and hopefully there is a small chance that your father can turn this around.\n", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5jbbyt", "comment_id": "5jbbyt"}, {"question": "I can't afford my horse, but I feel too attached to sell him", "description": "Hi all! Let me start by saying that I have two horses, my mare, Riley and my gelding, Gordon. I've had Riley for 3 years and couldn't possibly sell her. I bought Gordon a little over a year ago as a second horse for my boyfriend to ride. He does still technically belong to me, though. \n\nWhen I bought Gordon, I was working on a ranch in Wisconsin. It made sense at the time to have him, and I was able to afford him. However, I moved back to Illinois in May. It was ok for a while, even though boarding him at a local barn is pricier here. I pay $750 a month for the both of them. I worked at a very upscale steakhouse and was able to pay for it. It was a little stressful, and I didn't have a ton of disposable income, but my boyfriend and I made it work. We decided that we weren't spending enough time riding Gordon, and put him up for sale in June.\n\nI got a few inquiries but nothing ever came out of them. A few people came to look at the horse and test ride him, but then decided that they either couldn't afford him or found another horse that they liked better. Over the next few months, I started to spend more time riding him to prepare him to sell. I realized slowly that I was really liking him, almost as much as I like my main horse. I started to consider keeping him and taking him off the market for real...\n\nIn November, I lost my job. I had enough money left to pay for the board for December, and my parents gifted me some money for Christmas that went towards the January board. Now I'm all out of money and I haven't found a new job yet. I have received one email from someone who was interested in him, but I haven't been able to reply yet. The fact is that I cannot afford him anymore, but I love him. Does anyone have any advice on how to sell a pet that you love dearly?", "answer": "Lease him!  My friends little sister moved away and I leased her hours for like 300$ a month. Helped pay for bills.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "ajyenp", "comment_id": "ajyenp"}, {"question": "Is it appropriate/reportable to tell a therapist that you want to hurt someone?", "description": "Or is that only for a higher level of seriousness?", "answer": "In my state and with my license I could only report it with a plan and intent . If you said \"I think about hurting my friend,\" for example,  thoughts aren't illegal and I would get in trouble for breaking confidentiality.  Now,  if you made a plan to hurt your friend,  I could warn that friend or call the police.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gt2n1i", "comment_id": "gt2n1i"}, {"question": "Taking Gabapentin for the first time tonight - so scared to try it!!!", "description": "I am a long-time anxiety sufferer, and my anxiety has reached the point where it is severe and debilitating for several hours a day. (Along with the constant background anxiety that I always have just because)\n\nSo, since I'm desperate, doctor prescribed Gabapentin.\n\nI take the first pill tonight before bed. I was told it might make me drowsy the next day, which sucks because I already suffer from major fatigue. (And I have to take care of my toddler who is amazing and....very very active!)\n\nBut I'm willing to try anything at this point to decrease my anxiety. \n\nI have heard Gabapentin can cause bad side effects....I'm wondering what others experienced with it, and if anyone has any positive stories.\n\nI guess I need the encouragement to take it, and some positive and gentle support ", "answer": "Hi there! I just started taking Gabapentin as needed for anxiety after a scary panic attack while driving on the freeway. I\u2019m super sensitive to any sort of \u201cdrugged \u201c feeling and often the anticipation of a new anxiety medication spirals me into more anxiety about possible complications \u2014 cool! \n\nSo far, I have noticed that when I\u2019m in a real panic, one Gabapentin doesn\u2019t do a whole lot. (Honestly, I think one drink would take the edge off in a more noticeable way, not that that\u2019s ideal or sustainable but just as a reference.) When I told my doctor that I didn\u2019t think it was strong enough, he advised I try two or three pills the next time I felt panic. I ended up taking two and definitely had a sort of \u201cwoosh\u201c when the pills \u201ccame on\u201d about 15 minutes later. Again, I am hypersensitive and really don\u2019t like that drugged feeling so when that happened, I laid down and breathed and remembered that this was going to help me. I ultimately felt my panic lift about five minutes after first feeling the pills\u2019 effects. \n\nAs far as side effects, I wouldn\u2019t feel 100% having to do complex physics or drive a car on it but it relaxes me and as a bonus, it\u2019s not addictive. I\u2019ve tried to take it when I\u2019m not anxious just to feel the shift without starting from a place of panic and honestly, I didn\u2019t feel a thing. So it\u2019s a nice combination of addressing anxiety as needed without being \u201ctoo fun\u201d (read: addictive) or zoning you out for the rest of the day. In short, you may feel the drug come on but it should mellow in about 5 to 10 minutes. Remember that it\u2019s a way more mellow prescription than the last generation of anti-anxiety meds \u2014 Ativan, Valium, et al \u2014 and just calms the nervous system so your body isn\u2019t falsely creating a response to stimuli that isn\u2019t there. It\u2019s really like an allergy pill for anxiety \u2014 alerting the body that it isn\u2019t actually being attacked by a malevolent intruder. Good luck and hopefully it\u2019s as unobtrusively helpful as it\u2019s been for me. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "963umi", "comment_id": "963umi"}, {"question": "How should I respond to psychiatrists who think if you weren't diagnosed as a child, you don't have ADHD?", "description": "I'm in California, and I'm on Medicaid. About a year and a half ago, I was seeing a social worker for therapy and she suggested a psychiatrist. In my evaluation (which was less than 30 minutes) she didn't even listen to my symptoms. When I brought up that I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 16 and was on Adderall XR (which worked), she asked what age I was diagnosed. I told her 16. She replied that I didn't have ADHD because I was diagnosed at such a late age.\n\nAside from that ignorance, I've been through the mental health system since I was 11. I've been in and out a lot of different places, and all of them said I had severe focusing problems, but they never addressed the issue. I'm usually extremely inattentive with bursts of hyperactivity. I was always diagnosed with Bipolar, depression, and a slew of other things, yet none of the DOZENS of medicines I was on ever worked with the exception of Adderall and Lamictal (although I had a reaction to that). \n\nI was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder a few months ago. I finally found a good clinic (so far). Everyone seems to understand my autism. I'm wondering how to approach the issue of ADHD. Even the person who evaluated me for ASD said a psych should be looking into ADHD and a mood disorder.\n\nI'm just very frustrated and nervous. I can't afford a specialist. I can't even get chores done anymore. People keep calling me \"lazy\" because they don't understand. I have severe insomnia, my thoughts always race, and my room looks like a bomb went off. Any attempt to organize   anything leads to failure in under 10 minutes. I'm starting college in Fall, and I don't want to have untreated ADHD. I already failed high school before. \n\n\nTL;DR-How do I find a psychiatrist that understands it's entirely possible to have undiagnosed ADHD in your childhood, especially because I'm a female? I have Medi-Cal and can't afford a specialist ", "answer": "Hey OP, I work in the mental health field and have ADHD myself. \n\nThis is not medical advice, but to my knowledge there is no criteria for ADHD as far as age goes. While it's true that most people are diagnosed with ADHD as children or teenagers, adult-onset ADHD is very much a real thing. I've personally diagnosed multiple adults with ADHD. \n\nIf you're not comfortable with your current psychiatrist, go see a new one. Better yet, talk to your current therapist about the situation and see what they think. More often than not they can help point you in the right direction. \n\nEDIT: My comment on age criteria is wrong, sorry. Read my response below. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "262oew", "comment_id": "262oew"}, {"question": "Bloodwork showed a positive (reactive) syphilis screening when I don\u2019t have syphilis. What else can this be indicative of?", "description": "So my OBGYN ordered some bloodwork after my husband and I just had a chemical pregnancy lost at 3.5 weeks. After our appointment, I went to the lab and they drew my blood for a couple things and also ACCIDENTALLY sent my blood for a syphilis serology screening and RPR titer because it looked like it was marked on the lab sheet when they really marked something directly above it.\n\nSo coincidentally, the syphilis serology screening came back positive (reactive) while the RPR titer seems to be negative (1:1?). So the nurse called and explained this to me and stated I don\u2019t have syphilis but since the screening came back reactive it can be indicative of other things going on such as autoimmune disorders (lupus, etc.)  I have no symptoms of lupus from what I see online although I did have a high sed rate of 27 for my age (27/F) when I had bloodwork done for another reason last month. \n\nShe seemed to think they don\u2019t think it\u2019s indicative of anything major and said they see this come back positive sometimes and to not worry until we get some additional labs done, but it\u2019s my nature to worry and now I\u2019ve basically been convincing myself I have lupus all day. Any docs (OBGYN\u2019s in particular) see a reactive RPR test on a patient for absolutely no reason and nothing end up being wrong with them?\n\nSorry for ranting and if this sounds all over the place.", "answer": "Reasons for a false positive depend on the specific test that came back positive. RPR is the test that I believe is most likely to give a false positive due to autoimmune disease.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ci73qu", "comment_id": "ci73qu"}, {"question": "Help please", "description": "My stomach isn\u2019t the issue. My throat is nauseous if that makes any sense. I don\u2019t want to throw up. I haven\u2019t been around anybody sick, but I just feel sick. Do you think I will throw up? Sorry for the reassurance post. Literally nothing else is wrong, but my my throat is closing it feels like. This has been going on all day. ", "answer": "I know exactly what you mean! I experience this \"throat nausea\" feeling a lot. I think for me, it's a mix of anxiety and GERD. It really sucks :( Chewing mint gum really helps me when I'm dealing with this!", "topic": "emetophobia", "post_id": "77ov54", "comment_id": "77ov54"}, {"question": "Do you ever feel like everyone else engages in a sort of low-level telepathy that puts them all on the same \"page\", but your brain lacks the receiver/transmitter?", "description": "I feel like a goddamned chimp when I'm in public.", "answer": "It's not telepathy. It's a type of subconscious socio-neurological communication, and there is science behind this. Look up mirror neurons. Some studies show people with autism have less active ones. I personally believe folks with autism can purposefully strengthen the network of mirror neurons to improve social communication.  ", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "496d33", "comment_id": "496d33"}, {"question": "Can Beta Blockers Cause Permanent Memory Problems?", "description": "Asking for someone close to me. After starting a beta blocker, a significant change in their short term memory has been noticed by everyone close to them. The person in question had been taking them for 3 years for a single cardiac incident that was likely just a reaction to other medication. They (63F) have recently stopped taking them per their new cardiologist's instruction. So far, there has not been a noticeable improvement with short term memory.", "answer": "There is no evidence that beta blockers cause any worsening of cognition except possibly in people who already have neurocognitive disorders, and even that is weak evidence.\n\nThe memory problems are most likely unrelated to beta blockers and may be related to the original cardiovascular problem.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ehptcy", "comment_id": "ehptcy"}, {"question": "I need to stop but I'm so scared. Can anyone relate?", "description": "Hi everyone. I'm hoping that this post won't be full of rambles, but I apologize in advance if it is. I would tl'dr but I don't know how to summarize this.\n\nI'm a drug addict. I know that I am, but I always fall into the same trap, the one where I tell myself \"I can control it,\" \"I won't go crazy this time\". My drug class of choice is stimulants, any stimulants - adderall is my favourite but if I'm in a pinch I'll take vyvanse or ritalin, and if I'm trying to be \"good\" I'll just drink a bunch of coffee and sugar-free energy drinks to feel at least a little human.\n\nThe thing is, I know enough about addiction to know that I won't be able to control my use eventually. I know that every drug addict in the history of the planet has told themselves \"I won't end up like that\" before inevitably spiralling towards Rock Bottom\u2122. Somehow, I can know all of that and still believe that I'm the exception. That I'll be fine, that adderall makes me a happier, more productive person. That this is okay.\n\nI know that it's not okay. When I'm not high I'm thinking about the next time I'm \"allowed\" to get high (I've set myself a schedule, lol, but it requires immense self-discipline and I wonder what will happen if my discipline isn't there one day. It's so tempting...I know I'm playing with fire). \n\nIf I'm not high or thinking about getting high, I'm smoking weed or taking benzos. \n\nI feel so stuck. I feel like my brain is broken. Even before the drugs, I was struggling severely with bulimia, depression, social anxiety, borderline personality disorder...I've been in therapy off and on for years, I've been hospitalized, I've been to DBT group therapy, I've been on antipsychotics and still am on antidepressants...but something inside me is wrong, like a switch is flipped and I can't turn it on. I can't be happy like other people, I can't feel like other people can. \n\nUnless I'm high. \n\nI don't want to destroy my life, I never thought I'd be like this. I never thought that this would be my life. I just want to feel happy, I want to feel good. I want to feel strong and powerful and I want to feel like I can trust myself and my skills...I'm rambling, sorry. It's just...I don't want to have to choose between being miserable and being sober. \n\nI'm sorry. This post became so pathetic. I just don't know what to do. No one in my life knows that I'm using regularly again. Sorry for writing an essay. I guess I'm just asking for...advice, kind words, a virtual hug, someone to talk to? Can anyone relate?", "answer": "I also fell victim to stimulants. I couldn't do anything without them anymore. Id been an addict for awhile but stimulants were what sent me over the edge. My heart broke for you when you called your brain broken. I remember that feeling. I'm 13 months clean. I didn't have a thought in my head for the first month, could only think of music for the second month, by 3 months I felt okay for the real world, but it took six to really feel \"normal.\"  And I'm still recovering. \n\nBut I AM recovering. I'm in a PhD program. I get straight As. Your brain isn't broken. It's just been abused. I went to treatment once I realized I was really in trouble (started failing classes etc).  I highly recommend it for stimulants, if only because it takes awhile to feel normal again. Even if you aren't ready to get clean, try an NA/AA meeting. Just listen. See if you relate. ASK FOR HELP from a stranger, from someone you trust, a parent, a sibling. \n\nHow many times I said, \"this is the last time,\" \"it'll be different this time.\" \n\nI remember so clearly what it was like to be constantly focused on my next high. How I did mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to make the script last long enough if I took one early. It's so relieving not to have to do that anymore. \n\nI dono bro, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. It's hard but it's doable. And life just keeps getting better. ", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "4ylf38", "comment_id": "4ylf38"}, {"question": "If you're a professional with self harm scars, what do you do when a patient brings it up?", "description": "Assuming your scars are visible, what do you do what a client brings them up? I wanna be a cna in a psych units, but I have self harm scars (though they are pretty faint) and I'm worried about how the patients might react.", "answer": "Tell then what they are.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cy5b8t", "comment_id": "cy5b8t"}, {"question": "Cardiac arrest at 24 years old", "description": "Background: female, 24 years old, about 1,65m and 60kg. Has diabetes (type 1), detected at around 6 y.o. Has always had minor panic/anxiety attacks, usually accompanied with minor chest pains, that her medical team always discarded. Doesn't smoke, generally healthy habits and blood tests have been normal. \n\nThis is a very close friend of mine, and I really need some advice on how to handle this, or even if there's something else the medical team should be doing.\n\nThis past 27th of April, she woke up dealing with chest pain and complaint about a slight numbness on her left foot, and decided to rest it out. But with no improvements, her mother got worried and rushed her to the hospital, thankfully one of the best when it comes to cardiac problems is very nearby (I should add I do not live in the US at this point, this happened in Portugal).\n\nShe walked in through the ER, was seen in a triage setting, where they saw her heartbeat was very erratic and gave her an orange wristband (we have a color system ranging from green to red, orange being of very high priority, only beaten by red). Right after they checked her, she collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. Was immediately assisted, defibrillator and all, and was with no pulse for around 50min, until they managed to stabilise her. She went into the OR, where a bypass was put on her leg. Something with the bypass didn't went totally right, because she was rushed to the OR again that night to correct it (I can't say for sure, because this is second hand news, but it was supposedly a clot that formed? I dunno), and they had to give her a blood transfusion. At this point they did a CAT scan and assured there was no brain damage, and that recovery was now totally dependent on heart and breathing evolution. They gave her a 30% chance of surviving. She was in an induced coma for about a week, heart beating with outside help, ventilator, and even dialysis machine, because her kidneys weren't cooperating either.\n\nSlowly but surely, they took her supporting machinery and she improved. She woke up. Had movement. Followed us around the room with her eyes, and sometimes moved her arms around, but never has she said a word. She has been awake for a week tomorrow. She still hasn't spoken a word. There are moments where it seems she answers our questions with intentional blinks, but other times we're not so sure. They discovered she had a clostridium infection, and are now treating it. They did an MRI, and yesterday told us that there is in fact brain damage. But it is scattered and not localised, and they are all minimal damages, but they didn't know if they were permanent or not.\n\nDoctors aren't saying anything else and we're all just left so confused and feeling deserted because they explained nothing and didn't even elaborate on what to do from here. We only know speech is one of the affected areas, but they didn't even explain if they meant speech or cognition.\n\nFamily situation is complicated, and the public hospitals here are complicated as well, to many patients, very little resources, and the staff is clearly strained all the time.\n\nMy question is, since I can't figure out anything at all from the doctors, how can it be possible for the initial CAT scan to show nothing, but then an MRI show brain damage? And what should we expect from here on? How can we help? Is this type of brain damage usually reversible or completely permanent? Can it become worse, since at first there was no damage and now there is?\n\nI'm really desperate for some answers on what to expect and how to help. Thank you so much if you went through the trouble of even reading or up voting this.", "answer": "There are two possible reasons for the discrepancy. One is that CT and MRI aren\u2019t the same and detect different things. MRI is better at many subtler changes that aren\u2019t visible in large scale anatomy. There\u2019s also a difference in timing. A CT done quickly may be done before any damage is apparent; any scan done days or even hours later might pick up ongoing changes.\n\nHer chances and degree of recovery are impossible for us to say. Lack of oxygen circulation because of cardiac arrest is bad for all organs, but some are more sensitive than others. Brain is unfortunately very sensitive, and 50 minutes without a pulse or breathing is a long time. Diffuse brain damage, called anoxic brain injury, is a sadly common result. Because of brain plasticity, even with physical damage some people have better recovery and some have none, but if it\u2019s showing up on MRI it\u2019s probably permanent physical damage. If things were bad enough that other organs also stopped working, like kidneys, it\u2019s more likely that her brain also took a serious hit.\n\nI am very sorry for your friend and for you. Unexpected, unexplained medical catastrophes are tragic.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8i68uo", "comment_id": "8i68uo"}, {"question": "I (21F) have had uti symptoms all morning but half of them vanished and half of them stayed.", "description": "I'm a 22 year old female living in the UK. I  am 5 foot 1 inches and weigh between 44-45 kg (it keeps fluctuating) I am a non smoker, I take reboxitine, alverine, cyonabalamin (no idea if I spelt that right, it's the vitamin b12 supplement), and an antihistamine to help me sleep (that started last Sunday, I can't remember the name of it though). \n\nThis morning I woke up thinking I had a urine infection because I had all the typical symptoms: urgency to PU, a very small amount of urine each time and needing to go every five minutes. Because of this I have drank roughly 2 litres of liquid since 7AM and This helped with the amount of urine I'm passing but it's not stopped the urgency. The frequency of needing to go has fluctuated between every 5 minutes to not needing to go for an hour, but when I need to go I have to stop everything I'm doing to go. There was a lot of burning this morning (which also made me think it was a UTI) but the burning has passed and now once I have finished on the toilet I get a sharp pain like I'm getting an injection but in my vagina (never had one of those but I imagine it feels a lot like how this feels atm). Around mid morning I started to get a pain around my left ovary after every PU. \n\nI had a lot of UTI's last year for seemingly no reason because I was doing everything recommended. But whenever I had a urine infection and I drank a lot straight away, all the symptoms would go away and that was that, I've not had a day like this before with a UTI.  A month ago I was on antibiotics for suspected PID. \n\nAt one point I had something similar to this but the UTI symptoms would leave by about lunchtime and return at about 2-4 in the morning and This lasted for about a month and a half, but after a miscarriage the symptoms vanished immediately. (This was nearly a year ago). After that miscarriage I had the mirena coil put in (I was on the hormonal pill before that) and me and my partner  (22M) use condoms as well, but to be ultra safe I take a pregnancy test every two weeks because I don't have a period with the coil and I'm taking no chances. I had taken a test last week and it came back negative so it's highly unlikely I'm pregnant (you know, even with the coil and condoms). \n\nI really don't want to ring out of hours unless I really have to because the hospital is already so overloaded, but I have work tomorrow as well (I work in a dementia care home). I don't know if I'm panicking over nothing, chances are I am but still. \n\nAnything could help, thank you :) \n\nI had some lower abdominal pain yesterday, but it was more of a bloating uncomfortableness than anything else, but I don't know if that's connected in any way.", "answer": "I'd just phone your GP or phone 111 if youre really worried - the NHS is still running and you're very much entitled to care like you're doing for your clients amazingly well.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g7uv60", "comment_id": "g7uv60"}, {"question": "Unable to obtain a CPAP machine so my health is declining", "description": "M/23/6'0''/145 ibs\n\ndiagnosed with sleep apnea through a home test but didn't get the results until after I left the US. The issue is I am now living in an Eastern European country and none of the hospitals here have specialists who can prescribe me a CPAP. I have been in contact with some of the CPAP companies in the States who would issue me a device but they tell me my health insurance is denying the claim unless I am physically there to try out masks and such. This has been going on for over 6 months and everyday I wake up feeling extremely tired and have no energy for the day.\n\n I am really down to two options. the first is I could buy a cpap online (from a chinese retailer) which is possible but I am worried about the quality of the device and would have to figure out how to use it myself. The other option is I could fly in to a western european country and go through the entire testing and diagnosis process again for them to be able to prescribe me a CPAP device. The problem with this option is it is expensive and I am a student so can't really afford it.\n\nDoes anyone have advice on how I should proceed?", "answer": "Was the home test done by a physician or by you? If the former, contact the doctor who was responsible for it. If the latter, I have concerns. Unless there are risk factors for obstructive sleep apnea that you haven't described, what you could have is central sleep apnea, and the treatment is somewhat different. You don't want to self-manage apnea without a doctor. Or you could have an improperly administered test or even ineffective test, in which case you'd be wasting your time and money.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "92mlgj", "comment_id": "92mlgj"}, {"question": "Anyone tried therapeutic writing?", "description": "I used to keep a journal. There was undoubtedly a cathartic effect of writing.  In recent years, I've been so preoccupied with schools and work, both of which require intensive writing. I don't remember when's the last time I wrote for **self-care.** Recently, I came across the idea of [therapeutic writing](https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun02/writing.aspx).\n\n>\"Writing is no stranger to therapy. For years, practitioners have used logs, questionnaires, journals and other writing forms to help people heal from stresses and traumas. Now, new research suggests expressive writing may also offer physical benefits to people battling terminal or life-threatening diseases. Studies by those in the forefront of this research--psychologists James Pennebaker, PhD, of the University of Texas at Austin, and Joshua Smyth, PhD, of Syracuse University--suggest that writing about emotions and stress can boost immune functioning in patients with such illnesses as HIV/AIDS, asthma and arthritis.\"\n\nIt looks like there're some writing therapy programs/workshops out there. Was anyone a part of it? I'm very curious about the format and efficacy of the program/workshop.", "answer": "I have done a couple of these, they do help. You can do them on your own. The one being discussed here, Expressive Writing, is supposed to be done four days in a row for about 20 minutes a day responding to the same prompt each time. You can see instructions and the prompt here: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/expressive_writing\nThere is a ton of research using this paradigm in people who have experienced trauma. James Pennebaker, a psychologist who has been studying this for 30 years or so, also has a book on this called Writing to Heal. \n\nJournaling in general is very helpful for me in getting stuff out and letting go. The instruction about just writing without stopping, writing whatever comes to mind, and not stopping to think is a really good practice. \n\nThere is another writing exercise I have done that I think is better after a little healing. It is not intended to treat trauma but just to boost mood. It is called the Best Possible Self exercise, instructions here: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/best_possible_self\nI recommend doing the Expressive Writing exercise all the way through first.\n\nEdit: I was just googling for workshops and found this one which mentions several different types of writing practices that you might look into more if they resonate with you: https://www.dukeintegrativemedicine.org/programs-training/public/transform-your-health-write-to-heal/", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "aa6o7m", "comment_id": "aa6o7m"}, {"question": "Daily check-in: 10/11/13", "description": "Bwuh, nearly 3am... Had my housemate's birthday dinner thing tonight, twas alright... Ended up at a whiskey bar of all places. Smelled like farts and booze. Seriously, that was my first impression of the place. It gave me a headache and the whiskey stench was stuck on my palate for about half an hour afterwards. Bleh. I was trying so hard not to be a killjoy but thankfully it was understood that it wasn't exactly my choice of venue these days :P\n\nIn other news, found out that I passed the assessment I submitted earlier in the week, had a counselling session in which I communicated my concerns about the groupthink that seems apparent in AA... Had to really drive it home that I'm not trying to make excuses to not have to do it, but more am starting to question it and wondering what alternatives are available to me if I decide that it isn't for me. AA is certainly a successful method but it isn't the only way, as this sub is testament to. Also managed to record some vocals today which aren't shaping up too badly. Fun times!\n\nA question, if you're comfortable answering it: What's the story of your username? I <3 the band known as Mr. Bungle, and used to use 'Bungle' as one of many IRC handles in my youth. My altnick was Bungleungleungle.", "answer": "Only 363 more days until my next sobriety birthday! Just kidding. I'm still riding on the pink cloud of picking up my year. Also my family is in town for family weekend, which is awesome. I'm a little behind on some school work, but nothing I can't catch up on. \n\nI don't have a picture of it,  but my mom surprised me yesterday when she got here and gave me my Grand father's one year AA chip. It's incredible to see as he died two years before I was born and the chip is 23 years old!! It's almost the exact same as the chip I picked up on Wednesday, but has a lot more value to me.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1o8677", "comment_id": "1o8677"}, {"question": "Long term use of analgesics", "description": "I am white, male, 44, 180cm, 90kg (muscle), ex-mil, ex-martial arts - ongoing pain from previous exertions/injuries. Both shoulders, both knees, ribs like a jigsaw puzzle, spine like a Jenger. I have used 20-40mg of Codeine, and 10 mg of Diazepam to sleep for at least two years.\n\nI am now a professional and need to do 10 hour days (thankfully office stuff, not shovelling concrete). I am worried that, should I need real pain relief, my history of self-medication may impair any regular treatments.\n\nIs this a genuine concern?", "answer": "I'd be pissed if I found out you were self-medicating like this. You probably would have got effective relief from non-opiate medications.\n\nDiazepam dose isnt at dependent level (30mg+ is dangerous), but it's not evidenced for improving quality of sleep.\n\nBe honest with your doc and get the right meds.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "54a9rq", "comment_id": "54a9rq"}, {"question": "Having trouble defining a higher power as a nonbeliver.", "description": "Working on \"Improve the Moment\" this week and while discussing the Prayer part of improve it was mentioned that we should \"hand it over to a higher power\" This phrase has come up infrequently before, just in passing rather than anything we went into on any deeper level. \n\nWhen the discussion of non believers came up today it was suggested that the therapy group itself could serve as the higher power for those who do not believe in a divine power. \n\nThis suggestion isn't sitting right with me. If I'm worried about something instead of \"Let go and let God\" that I \"Let go and let Group\"? I just don't get how this could evoke any feeling of relief or release as it would for those who believe they are handing it to an entity that created existence with the power to answer prayer as opposed to a bunch of people who have struggled through life the same as I do. \n\nI'm wondering if any one else has any other suggestions from a agnostic/atheistic viewpoint? ", "answer": "As a fellow athiest, my belief in a higher power comes through when I consider the inner-connected web of beings that exist within the universe, which often fills me with great awe and purpose, similar to what I imagine religious folks feel about \"God.\"", "topic": "dbtselfhelp", "post_id": "91sdz3", "comment_id": "91sdz3"}, {"question": "You're telling me I cannot (drink) for the rest of my life?!", "description": "\"...No, not at all.\" A gentleman told me, \"The rest of your life sounds fucking daunting, right? So don't think of it that way...Instead, I don't drink *only for today*. No matter how shitty, no matter how wonderful my day has been, the focus is to lay my sober head down to rest tonight.\" \n\nThat was 418 nights ago. But *right now* I've got one more night to go and so do you. Together we can do this. \n\n", "answer": "I eat that shit up. I've got one day sober today, yeah I've done it 394 times in a row, but I've only got one day.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1q6bhj", "comment_id": "1q6bhj"}, {"question": "Rants from the heart", "description": "I was diagnosed as a kid.\nIt was weird being the 'different one', skipping history so I could go to the learning resource center and work on homework with a teachers aid because I was deemed slow. \nI'm an adult now. \nI'm going to get medication again because it's the right thing to do in my situation. I'm nervous but I believe deep inside, it'll change things for the better. \nIt's because of this subreddit I don't feel so alone, and let me get this out. so thank you.", "answer": "Thank you for sharing you thoughts. I was also diagnosed as a kid and was the \"different one\". Changing medication can definitely feel a little scary and I commend you on your positive outlook. New meds wont necessarily change everything over night but you are setting yourself up with the right foundation. Just remember to take each day as it comes. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60lmn8", "comment_id": "60lmn8"}, {"question": "No side effects from not taking my Escitalopram Sandoz 20mg? Possible placebo?", "description": "I am 25, Male, 216lbs, Australian, Non-Smoker, occasional Drinker, diagnosed with a few different types of Anxiety, Depression and Panic Disorder early 2019 and have been on Escitalopram Sandoz ever since starting at 10mg then going up to 20mg and am also receiving therapy.  I am currently been taking Ashwaganda, Colostem and Apple Cider Vinegar supplements daily for the past year as well.\n\nThe panic attacks have settled down but the anxiety and depression is still there.   It has been hard to tell whether the medication did much at all but I know I was on something as if I missed a dose I would start experiencing the withdrawal effects with the most noticeable being the brain zaps which without fail.  The last time I visited my doctor was maybe 3 months ago and he prescribed 3 months worth of scripts or refills of the antidepressant medication and told me to come back when it is finished.   I also want to get off this medication as I don't see it being effective enough and I don't want to be messing with my body like this if there isn't a noticeable payoff in my overall mood and I think that another medication might be better for tackling this or just more therapy.\n\nI am normally good with my medication and am on time but the other day I was really busy and forgot to take my medication.   I have not experienced any side effects and have not had any brain zaps or had the shit feelings that I had when I have previously missed my medication.    Normally when I have forgotten for any reason I have been reminded I have missed the medication due to those brain zaps that feels like my brain is glitching out.  It has been close to 3 days now and I have still experienced no of the side effects of missing my medication like the previous scripts.   I also started thinking about it and I experienced intense anxiety a few weeks ago around the time I refilled my script.  My sex drive has also been the highest its been in a year and you could put that down to the Ashwaganda but I have been taking that for the past year and don't see how that could kick in just now.    \n\nMy question is, is there a chance that I have been prescribed a placebo in the original sealed packaging?   I am going to take one now just incase it is just a lower dose but I am a bit confused as to whats going on.   Is it just in my head?   Am I withdrawing but just not experiencing side effects?   Could I have been placed on a lower dose placebo as 20mg but really 10mg or possibly 5mg?\n\nI am seeing my doctor in the coming weeks but just wanted to know.  Thank you in advance.\n\n​\n\nTL;DR \n\nOn antidepressants.   Normally experience brain zaps if I miss a dose.   refilled.   Accidentally missed a few doses and no brain zaps.", "answer": "Placebo is not packaged as an active drug; any possibly placebo medication (for study) is labeled as a study drug. You would not receive that from a pharmacy.\n\nWithdrawal effects from antidepressants are idiosyncratic. It doesn't surprise me that missing a few days didn't cause any problems.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fgr4l1", "comment_id": "fgr4l1"}, {"question": "How do people without ADHD or ADD concentrate compared to people with ADHD or ADD?", "description": "It just occurred to me that people without ADHD and ADD could very well concentrate differently than people with those disorders. Googling this idea though only showed research on the effects of Adderall on people without ADHD and crappy articles on how to combat the effects of the disorders. It also occurred to me upon seeing this that I haven't seen a lot of information on how people without ADHD and ADD think.\n\nto be more specific with my question, can people without ADHD or ADD just concentrate on something without stopping? Do they still experience distractions, but to a lesser degree? Is it that people with ADHD or ADD have a completely different way of focusing and organization? Is there something that I missed completely?\n\nI should clarify that my knowledge of ADHD and ADD isn't the best. I consider myself to be on the ADD spectrum, but I've never had it formally diagnosed. Hell, most of my knowledge comes from those crappy articles that describe the effects of ADHD and ADD on people.", "answer": "I'm a psychologist and have ADHD so I may be able to help but it's not based on scientific evidence, this is based off my personal experience and education in how brains work (bare in mind I'm not a neuro psych though).\n\nThe reason people with ADHD get distracted is because your brain kind of short circuits itself. \n\nImagine your \"lower order thinking\" such as subconscious thoughts like maintaining breathing, homeostasis, and instinctual reactions takes precedence over \"higher order thinking\" such as conscious thought, problem solving etc. This means that when your brain doesn't get what it needs, it does whatever it can to get it regardless of the higher order thoughts. An example, no matter how much you tell yourself not to breathe, if you hold your breath tthere will come a point where you will either pass out and breathe or involuntarily breathe in, either way your brain has done what it needs to survive by over riding your higher order thoughts.\n\nOne thing you need, just the same as oxygen, is feel good chemicals, without them we wouldn't pursue lovers and procreate for example. Now know that people with ADHD do not produce enough of these feel good chemicals in general. So, similar to the breathing, it doesn't matter how much your higher order thoughts say \"read this book\", your lower order thoughts say \"I'm overriding you because I need to survive. To do that I must receive stimulation to get some feel good chemicals.\" And your brain goes in search for something else. For someone neuro typical, there is balance in their brain that allows their higher order thoughts to drive the bus.\n\nAll this means we can pay attention until we are not receiving enough of the feel good chemicals our brain needs, at which point our brain becomes more \"primitive\" and goes in search of stimulation subconsciously and without our choosing to do so.\n\nNeuro typicals don't have this issue and so they can tell themself to just get this done and they can go do something fun after. That doesn't work for us though because right now we can't breathe and oxygen in the future when we are already dead won't do anything. Bit morbid lol sorry I made the metaphor up as I went along. That's just where it ended up. Hope this helps.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "glwkjb", "comment_id": "glwkjb"}, {"question": "25 and certified disabled/chronically ill. I had to move home to my parent's house because I couldn't afford rent anymore. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder. He won't let my caretaker come into \"his house\" to take care of me. Anything I can do?", "description": "Basically, my dad is an ableist piece of shit. Both he and my mom are emotionally abusive towards me. I'm trying to leave when I can afford rent, but for now I'm here. And I need in-home support services to help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc (homemaker) and another to help with my medical paperwork. I am on a disability waiver program to get these in-home support services paid through the state. But, my parents won't let \"those welfare people\" into \"their house.\" There is no arguing with a narcissist. So if they won't be rational, is there any legal action that I can take? I'm running out of options, if it isn't obvious. No other friends or family to live with.", "answer": "Not sure if you are in the US. Is it possible to look into low-income housing in your area? There may be legal action to look into; I'm just not entirely sure. Maybe talking with the state department who is assisting with in-home support services about this.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "dftd2h", "comment_id": "dftd2h"}, {"question": "Need some marriage advice", "description": "So much to write. Im using my phone to type this so I apologize.\n Some backstory-\n        Me and my wife have been together for just about 5 years I am currently in the miltary  and we have kids. One is 3 with autism and the other is 1. In the begining it was really nice I worked and cooked and she always had the house clean. We were a team and it was great never had any issues.\n\n       Eventually it became more me doing everything like dishes, cooking, cleaning, and just about raising the kids. Im in the military and my job gets pretty busy sometimes. I tend to not take breaks and just work through the day. And when I do take lunch its pretty much to clean my messy house or feed my kids. Its been like that pretty much for about a year and a half. So my schedule everyday no matter what is Work,clean,help my son practice words, cook, clean, get son to bed, then maybe clean again. I get so busy I tend to only eat once a day often. \n        We tend to fight a few times a month. Pretty much when I become completely mentally exhausted. Our fights are always about how I dont pay attention to her or I am mean. And a good husband should be like that. And yes I do say some really mean things like ( shes a bad wife or to quit being so lazy)  except a little bit meaner but I do not yell. We both tell each other to shut up and there is often tension. I want to make it very clear before I continue that I am not perfect at all and it is true I dont pay much attention to her. Mostly because the moment I'm done with work I have work pt2 when I get home.\n      About a few weeks ago I had a more or less an emotional breakdown because she was constantly leaving to hang out with friends from like 8pm to about 2am. Leaving me with the kids and an extremely messy house. 3 nights in a row for about 3 weeks. I pretty much begged her to help and it worked for about 2 days.\n       Recently as I was finishing my shift I found out I wasnt allowed to see or talk to her and I was given a dorm and I am under the investigation for being abusive. I never touched her so it must be mental abuse. I lost my ability to just got to my house and I have no money for food because she made a mistake last paycheck which made us short on funds this paycheck. \n      And to make matters worse her mom who hates me because I call her out everytime she lies and steals from us is most certainly making things up and playing devils advocate. \n       The only proof of how bad things are is my family who stayed with us for near a month and constantly got on her for not helping or making things harder. And fellow coworkers who have seen how badit is. I get interviewed Monday and I am not excited I'm scared , mad, sad, I feel alone and like I have nowhere to turn. I have my issues and have been rude to my wife but I was frustrated and tired I havent had an actual break like my wife has had since we had kids. Ive seriously been contemplating suicide but my kids keep my from making the final step because I could never leave them like that. \n         \n      I am not asking for pity and I'm not saying I am perfect and that dont have my issues but abuse is certainly going overboard I just want to be happy but no matter what I do her mom makes me out as the bad guy which has most likely helped ruin our relationship. I apologize for the wierd format and plethora of grammatical errors.\nI appreciate anything. This is pretty much the only place I can let it out.", "answer": "marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rutes", "comment_id": "6rutes"}, {"question": "sertraline/ ondansetron", "description": "F22/ 5\u20193\u201d / 145 lbs / Jewish+white\n\n*Preexisting med issues:* I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) + related autonomic issues, Reynauds\nHad a few medication-induced seizures in 2013 due to malpractice that resulted in serotonin syndrome (combo of an eating disorder/underweight BMI, 450mg wellbutrin, 60mg adderall) and a suspected seizure in December 2019 (I think i just fainted but neuro disagrees)\n\n*Current meds:*\nRx: Zoloft 175mg, oxybutynin 5mg\nSupplements/OTC: cetirizine 10mg, magnesium 200mg, liquid IV electrolyte supplement, Tylenol 600, naproxen 250, 4:1 CBD to THC ratio vapor (legal, used for pain)\n\nInfrequent alcohol consumption, occasional use of the CBD/THC vape mentioned above, never smoked anything, no other drugs\n\nPrimary issue: worried about serotonin syndrome?\n\n\nSo i have ondansetron left over from surgery. I feel nauseous and i have really bad emetephobia. i thought it'd be fine to take because i didn't think they'd prescribe me ondansetron in the first place if i there were contraindications with my other meds. Turns out i was wrong, major interaction between zoloft and ondansetron. I only took one 4mg dose (oral disintegrating tablets). Is one dose dangerous or should i be fine?", "answer": "You should be fine. People take ondanestron with SSRIs regularly.\n\nThere is more risk if you have previously had serotonin syndrome, but without more description I have some questions about the previous diagnosis\u2014\u201cserotonin syndrome\u201d gets used incorrectly for all kinds of adverse effects of medications. Seizures can be a serious side effect of Wellbutrin, especially with stimulants and metabolic disturbances, but serotonin syndrome would be rare.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hwea75", "comment_id": "hwea75"}, {"question": "Doctor said the medications he prescribed are the same thing as the one medication I took, just more \"modern\". None of the three things he prescribed are even an SSRI. Is this okay?", "description": "I used to take an escitalopram for my anxiety for a year. I stopped taking it few months ago. I wanted to get back to it, but I had to go to a different hospital. \n\nI told the doctor that that escitalopram was great, no side effects, took it for a year. I just stopped taking it because I thought I was better. He then asked about other medicines I took, I told him I don't remember their name, besides xanax, but they didn't work. \n\nThe doctor then perscribed me 3 different pills. He didn't even say anything about the pills, no advice on anything at all.  Only when I asked why didn't he perscribed me that escilatopram, he said this does the same thing, just more modern. (I didn't ask ok, that's one of them then, what's the other two.) \n\nWhen he said it's the same thing I took it to mean its an escitalopram but just a different brand name. Nope. None of these is even an SSRI. \n\nI'm too scared to take these pills now because I only had bad experiences with other kinds of anxiety medicine. \n\nI'm wondering his phrasing about the 'it's just more modern' thing. Was it reasonable for me to think that it would be the same kind of SSRI, or at least an SSRI? The more I think about it the more I think I just severerly misunderstood and he had the right to say it's just more modern. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna take these.  Would it be reasonable for me to go back and ask for the specific medication I want because I'm too afraid to take these and I misunderstood what he meant?", "answer": "Sounds like you had more questions that you were unable to ask your doctor. I would give the office a call and see if you can schedule a phone call or follow up visit if you haven't already scheduled one to hammer out those concerns. \n\nYou say you've had only bad experiences with non-SSRI medication, so you seem pretty quick to discount the possibility of these others. I would do a bit of research on each of them if you haven't already and see if there are any concerns that you might have based on what you find. I would be sure to make sure the sources are legit: the FDA actually puts out a lot of information on various psychotropic medications. I'd start there.\n\nWhen it comes down to it, though, it's your choice to take the medication as prescribed or not. If you feel like you want more information before continuing from the doctor, you are free to seek it out. If you find the doctor is not being very accommodating or answering your questions, you can get a second opinion.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cqrh8m", "comment_id": "cqrh8m"}, {"question": "If I am diagnosed with a general anxiety and Social Anxiety, why am I now prescribed an Antidepressant?", "description": "Edit:If I am diagnosed with general and social Anxiety, why am I now prescribed an antidepressant", "answer": "Think of these drug categories as more about marketing than about exact categories.  There is a lot of crossover in terms of what medicines can be useful for what problems.  \n\nThat said, please get yourself to a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT) exposure/response prevention (ERP) or an acceptance and commitment therapist (ACT) - one of the evidence based therapies that is known to be useful for anxiety.  Medication is like needing to buy fish all the time to keep from being hungry.  Focused anxiety therapy is like learning to fish for yourself.  ", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "1qx7pt", "comment_id": "1qx7pt"}, {"question": "Are meetings good for people with parents who are/were addicts? And what are Alcoholics/Narcotics anonymous meetings like", "description": "From birth it seems I was cursed with neglectful teen parents cursed with crippling drug addictions. My father was constantly leaving, going to jail, or doing drug deals around me. My mother had the tendency to get high or drunk and lay in bed all day. That or she'd lose her shit off a meth high while bouncing off the walls. She would constantly be gaining and losing jobs in fast food as quickly as possible. These days my father is in jail, has been for 8 years, and my mom is the same. The years of drug addiction has rotted her mind into a state of...schizophrenia? That's all I can call it, she has a paranoid schizophrenic brother and I think she may have it now after years of drug abuse. She is nearly unintelligible half the time, and I don't think I have the capacity to love her anymore. Both did so many drugs around me for so long and abandoned me in many ways. \n\nBut this post isn't meant to air out all my dirty laundry. I am curious if a narcotics anonymous meeting can help me at all. I know it's for addicts or people in recovery, but I'd like to speak out.. I'd also like to know how the experience was firsthand, I am also a writer struggling to write firsthand a bit about my experiences, in some form anyway, in a story. Any suggestions would be helpful. I'd like to just improve mentally after everything. A different kind of recovery so to speak. Thank you for any contributions.", "answer": "I personally think ACA would be your best bet but I think AlAnon or even CoDA would be worth checking out too, or any program that calls to you, NA, AA... You will find so many who can relate to your experiences in ACA and AlAnon and who can articulate your own experiences in ways you haven't yet been able to. Check out this list from ACA and see if it resonates: https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/ \nUnder the literature tab, you can also check out the problem and the solution and see if it resonates. The program is basically for people who are suffering the effects of damaging parenting/families of origin and are trying to heal from it. It's a very compassionate program, in my experience, that recognizes that the ways you've been harmed and the ways you struggle are not your fault but that your healing and growth is now your responsibility.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "e3o1uh", "comment_id": "e3o1uh"}, {"question": "just said \"oh shit!\" outloud as I did the math...", "description": "... and realized only 17 days until I'll have six months! \n\nNot drinking today. It's a great morning.", "answer": "Sober with you today. 9 days til my 6 months. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "4tqnx7", "comment_id": "4tqnx7"}, {"question": "Am I [26/F] looking for problems in my relationship with [30/M]? Part of me thinks I'm fundamentally unhappy in this relationship.", "description": "My boyfriend and I have known each other for 10+ years. There was always chemistry, even if we lived miles apart, so we finally decided to take the plunge and do long distance. After 1.5 years of long distance, my boyfriend moved to my city. I don't have any family here and I am also relatively new here (only 2.5 years or so). \n\nWe've been living together since Fall 2016 and part of me feels like this is a huge mistake, like we couldn't be more different. I feel very stuck because he's given up so much to be with me (spent most of his savings, taken a way lower paying job (which he's very happy at), moved away from all his family and friends) and a few months ago we got a dog. But, there are things I just didn't realize about him when we were doing long distance. \n\nHe plays a lot of video games and games on his phone. He plays it when he gets home from work, when he wakes up in the morning, he listens to videos on twitch while he showers and while we're eating breakfast. I've talked to him about it and suggested we put on the news in the morning, and it only ever happens if I turn the tv on. If I don't do that, then it's twitch. And sometimes, I don't even want to have the news on, I just want us to talk. It makes me feel so alone in this relationship. \n\nHe also is so incredibly cynical and judgemental. I have an instagram for my dog, which he has mentioned multiple times he thinks is lame and doesn't care at all about. We were talking about dogs in our neighborhood and then I started telling him about this dog that follows ours (same breed but it got it's tail docked when it was first born). When we were deciding to get a dog, we ensured that the one we got kept it's tail because we thought it was cruel to dock it if it wasn't going to be a working dog. The other dogs instagram is based on how his butt wiggles because because his tail was docked as a puppy. When I was telling him about it, I said it in a very light-hearted joking way. And he was like \"Well isn't it sad how people are monetizing this on social media after this dog having been abused by cutting it's tail off\". And basically talked about how the owners are so irresponsible about not researching having/not having tail etc. He compared it to cutting the nose off of a baby... I wasn't justifying cutting the tail, but I was just sharing something because it came up in conversation. It just turned this perfectly happy and light hearted conversation to something so miserable. It feels so heavy to be around this all the time. \n\nI also love home decoration. I do most things on my own, but sometimes I just like advice or want to know if he's ok with something. We have a set of pictures that I wasn't sure I wanted to put in the living room or the bedroom and asked his opinion. He was like I just don't care, do whatever you want. And I just this feels small, but everytime I ask him his opinion, it feels like that's what he says. But then if I do something and he doesn't like, he'll make a snide comment. I get not being interested in my hobby, but he loves sports and sometimes he wants to watch a game and has no one and will ask me to go to a bar and watch it and I do. I'm happy to give him company and do something for him every once in a while. \n\nThese are just three things that happened in the last few days. He regularly snaps at me and can be rude. I'm not perfect, I have my fair share of problems which I'm sure bother him, but I've noticed that I am more pessimistic and sad in general since he's moved here. It's making me miserable. It feels like I'm looking for problems, for a way out, but equally, I feel like I need to give this a real shot because he's moved here and given everything up for us. \n\nI just feel so lost and confused about what to do. I love him so much, I've introduced him to my family (which is a big deal in my culture), I really thought we were going to have a life together, but I feel the longer I'm with him, I'm less sure. \n", "answer": "Do you get any time with him that you do enjoy?", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ar4vl", "comment_id": "6ar4vl"}, {"question": "Me [15 M] don't know how to get over first break up", "description": "Uh where do I start... So I met this girl in my school we chatted online and after week or so we decided to meet after school . We walked sat down kissed my first relationship etc.\n\n So yesterday she was like we gotta talk so we met on a school break and she said that this isn't going, that she is very complicated person and not feeling happy and that this relationship is choking her, that I'm a great guy and that it has to do with her.\n\n And that was the 11th day of our relationship so not long lasting. But my first break up so I took it hard went home let all emotions run and it was the first time ever. Now 2nd day it's awful every time i remember some memories like the first kiss and the hug she gave me after it or us holding hands down the main street my eyes get all teared up and stuff. And I can't stop thinking what did I do wrong i mean she's a great person.\n\n Even worse we go to the same school is really big but you can still always see someone if u think about it. I can't just not think about what happened and the memories we have but i guess if she gave up after short time she didn't develop a single % of feelings. \n\nShe mentoined something about a pause and second chance and I want that but at the same time i feel stupid saying ''hey what about the chance'' or something like that\n\nEDIT: I forgot to mention we knew eachother a lot more like for about a month before we started dating  but we only been in a relationship for 11 days\n\n\nTL;DR -  Had my first break up and having hard time going over it especially when I remember the memories .", "answer": "there's always an initial period of pain. unavoidable. stay active with what makes you happy and surround yourself with great friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66ab48", "comment_id": "66ab48"}, {"question": "I want to learn to be more empathetic. Does anyone have any good, practical tips?", "description": "My subtle narcissism robs me of fulfilling relationships as i am often quick to dominate other people with my perspective instead of trying to understand theirs. Think im naturally wired this way but want to make a change.", "answer": "Make it a point to learn about folks different from yourself.  Absorb media where the stories and main characters don't reflect something you immediately relate to or agree with.  Movies, books, articles done from the perspective of people with different genders, races, sexual orientations, cultures, etc. from yourself.  \n\n\nThis is generally a good starting point.  \n\n\nAside from that, therapy can be helpful.  At the core of every person with narcissistic traits is generally someone with an abnormally strong fear of rejection, low self-esteem, and a fear of losing control.  Working on these things can help reduce the need to always be right or dominate others.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "elap70", "comment_id": "elap70"}, {"question": "I just discovered that I'm a manchild", "description": "hey everyone, so like the title says I just discovered that I'm still a manchild. I really don't want to be one because I've seen manchildren and I am disgusted by them. \n\nI am also disgusted by my brother who is also growing up to be a manchild. I pity my parents and it makes me sad every time I watch them entertain the manchild over and over again. I am 21 now and I just found this out when I was listening to ToadReddit on youtube. Then most of the things that were mentioned hit me and I feel really bad and want to change myself.  \n\nThe qualities that hit me were \"Depending money from my parents\", \"won't spend own money on important stuff unless it's video games or something like that, etc\", \"can't do basic adulting skills (I.E cooking and driving meself to university)\" , \"No source of income\" i tried to get a job once but when my parents found out they told me not to because my dad is doing well in his work., \"Too lazy to improve himself whilst complaining that he himself is a piece of shit\" This one really hit me, \"Can't talk about anything except TV, Movies and Video Games\" this is the part I would like the most help with :( and \"Always obeys his parents\" I get that there are points where I have to not obey them, It's just that their old now and I really have to help them out in some way. \n\nI just don't want to be a burden to my parents any longer. :(", "answer": "What, in your opinion, should your ideal life look like? What do you do? How will you know when you've \"made it\" and become a successful adult in your own eyes? What will be different in your ideal life compared to today?\n\nIn other words, what are some goals you want to set for yourself? Setting your own goals is the first and most important step. Then you can pick a goal (since you'll probably have several) and work on it one at a time. Set a timeframe for that goal that's realistic. Determine what milestones along the way you'll have, and what steps you need to take to hit those milestones. Then determine what you need to do each day to move towards that goal, set up a routine and new habits. \n\nAlso, I recommend finding someone to support you as you start to change things. Your parents, while they seem to support you financially, are NOT being very supportive when it comes to your independence and control over your own life. Is there someone else you know who can cheer you on, someone you can check in with?\n\nIf not, it may be helpful to find a group online or an in-person support group or a regularly meeting club or class so you can meet some folks that you have something in common with. It is possible, but very difficult, to change one's habits on one's own. Having support and community behind you is extremely helpful.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "dbujsw", "comment_id": "dbujsw"}, {"question": "Power Struggles in AA?", "description": "I recently got a sponsor, and he's been good so far. He may not have years and years of sobriety like the other guys, but he's a good guy, bought me a Big Book, is reviewing the steps with me this week, and is always telling me of good meetings to go to and how to get involved. \n\nI was speaking with a guy who is both an NA and AA bigwig, and he knows basically everyone. Anyways, I told him that this guy is my sponsor, and he had nothing good to say. He kept calling him a narcissist, and that I can do way better. And then he kept pushing me to get a sponsor who he approved of. \n\nI am just really confused. I don't know what this guy's beef is with my sponsor. So far I have no reason not to trust the guy who's sponsoring me. The only thing I can think of is that my sponsor is a gay guy in his forties, and this other guy might be homophobic. He made some kind of suggestion like my sponsor might be some sort of sex deviant, but when I asked him why, he couldn't give me any straight answers. Only that my sponsor is a gay guy and that's about all there is to it. I have no problem with gay guys, my piano teacher all my life was a gay guy and he taught me so much. One of my good friends is gay as well, and while I may not be gay myself, I never felt threatened by them.\n\nI feel kind of angry and confused right now. I feel like I'm being manipulated by this NA dude who's got years of sobriety, because he's been around a long time and might feel entitled to calling the shots. For all i know, he could be right though. I've been in AA for one week, and I don't know anyone very well. \n\nBtw, I live in Boston, where homophobia is HUGE. I just don't know what to think right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "If your current sponsor has been through the steps all the way then I see no reason you shouldn't keep him.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "2f4uss", "comment_id": "2f4uss"}, {"question": "[Long] I [19/m] am confused about my relationship to my gf [19/f]", "description": "Hello,\nmy girlfriend and I have been a couple for 5 months now but I am so confused about my relationship to her. Here's my situation:\n\nWe are both each other\u2019s first big love, although we both had one previous partner. None of our previous relationships have been as serious as our relationship is, though. \n\nWhenever I am with my gf and we spend time together, cuddling, kissing, watching a movie whilst I hold her in my arms, I feel utter bliss and such a strong, deep and intimate love to her. She feels the same way in those situations, not only can I tell, but she also told me. Those are the situations that make me think she is the perfect girl for me.\n\nHowever, sometimes I feel the exact opposite and I even wonder, if I should continue to stay with her or leave her. In those moments, I tend to feel very sad, disappointed and not loved. I also feel hurt, as she often does things, which I perceive as hurting.\nI tend to get said feeling quite often, unfortunately. Sometimes every day a few days in a row, because there have been incidents that led to unhappiness on my half. Then there is a break of two or three days and on go the days of feeling partly utterly happy, partly very hurt and sad.\n\nThe problems I have identified so far:\n\n1)\nI unfortunately tend to get jealous very easily, even if it's the slightest thing like her sitting next to her (female) friend on the train instead of next to me or her texting a male friend. In these situations, my brain thinks she rather wants to spend time with them than to give me her attention. \n\n2)\nSometimes, when she is unhappy with a situation she just puts on this annoyed face and stops talking to me. I always tell her, that she can always talk to me about the things that make her unhappy and that I will always try to change something about my behaviour if it was me who made her unhappy. This, however, often isn't enough to break her silence, so I continue to talk to her about how important communication is for a healthy relationship and that I will always listen to her problems and that I won't react in a bad way, which I never do - I always react super calmly and understandingly. After some time, she usually opens up and talks to me about the problem.\nHowever, in this situation, in which she isn't really talking to me, I fell so hurt, because she gives me the feeling, that I did something to hurt her, but I do not even have the slightest idea what it could've been.\nShe tends to get hurt by things that I didn't even know could hurt. E. g.:\n-> I'm interested in a lot of things, like motorcycling, fitness, law (which I study), politics, economics, science, music, traveling etc.\nI often try to bring up a conversation about some of these topics, but I always feel like she gets bored in an instance when I do so and hence I have stopped. This is created quite a lack in casual communications between us. On longer car rides, there are often LONG silences, as well as when we are out for dinner or having dinner at home. This also really bugs me, I am trying to talk about stuff that interests me or I am trying to ask her things about her day/hobbies, but she often answers in short sentences and makes barley any effort to continue the conversation, unless it is a topic which interests her a lot.\n\nToday my girlfriend, a (female) friend of her and I went to the park for a few hours. There she spend most of the time talk to her friend which made me feel like the fifth wheel. When I dropped her off at home she exited the car with her female friend and did not even look at me, she just said bye and ran inside as it was raining heavily.\n____________________________\nThe problem is that I am totally confused about my relationship to my gf. On the one hand I dearly love her, but on the other hand I very often tend to get very sad as I feel hurt and/or jealous by her actions or situations that occur between us. This really preys on my mind and I don't know what to do. I don\u2019t want this relationship to end, but I also don\u2019t want it to continue in that way.\n\nI'm open for any kind of advice. Thanks in advance!\n\nTL;DR: On the one hand, I dearly love my gf, on the other I often feel very hurt and/or jealous. What should I do about my relationship to her? I really don't want it to end, but I also don't want the phases of me feeling hurt and jealous to continue.", "answer": "Your feelings, in intensity, range and volatility, are normal. \n\nIf you're willing to say that the love is the truth, then you are just going to want to note your hard feelings to yourself and behave in a patient, kind and loving manner. Which sometimes includes saying \"hey I don't like it when you leave without saying goodbye. Can you please say goodbye when you leave?\"", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f493g", "comment_id": "6f493g"}, {"question": "My Psychiatrist gave y\u2019all a shoutout!!", "description": "At my last appointment, I told him my meds were working but I was still struggling with time management and behavioral issues, so he mentioned online forums as a starting point for learning strategies, and specifically mentioned r/ADHD! I told him I was already a member, and that y\u2019all are super helpful.\n\nThis really is a super helpful community, and y\u2019all have really helped me make sense of this weird brain thing. Thanks!", "answer": "I'm a psychologist and regularly recommend this subreddit. I explain that people on the internet are complete strangers so don't take their word for gospel, but some of the ideas here are fantastic and it gives a sense of understanding.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jjsq5x", "comment_id": "jjsq5x"}, {"question": "Advice please? (UK)", "description": "I'm a 22 year old girl, diagnosed with \"low mood and social anxiety.\" I'm considering going back to my gp to alter my treatment (my medication isn't working) but I am having some concerns. \n\nWhen I was diagnosed I wasn't entirely honest with my doctor, specifically I lied about whether I self harm. I do, but told them I don't. Now that I want to be serious about my treatment I feel I should be honest with them, but I'm worried that telling them I self harm will have consequences.\n\nHas anyone ever been in this situation? What did your gp do when you told them?", "answer": "What's your concern?  Denial of care or involuntary commitment of some sort?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6aoiy3", "comment_id": "6aoiy3"}, {"question": "Got a tetanus shot 3 weeks ago and still have pain in arm?", "description": "Im an 18 year old male and about 3 weeks ago I got a tetanus shot. Ever since I have had a pretty painful ache whenever I lift my arm. Should I be worried?", "answer": "Probably not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "76h50m", "comment_id": "76h50m"}, {"question": "Performed well in College/Grad School, but now struggling in entry level office job, any advice?", "description": "TLDR- Did really well in College/Grad School, but now I'm really struggling in my entry level office job. Due mainly to the time I've had to miss ( 5 days of PTO I had to use by the end of the year, and  2 days for a seminar I and to attend), and my lack of organization and focus/interest in the job. Not sure what to do\n\nSo this past May I graduated why my MA in International relations. The time I spent in that program was a high point for me as I perfumed  very well ( finished with a 3.88 GPA) overall, and was able to manage various deadlines for my classes, along with being a Graduate Assistant for my first two semesters, and later competing a couple internships, all while not being on any meds for my ADHD.\n\nNow after being in an entry level office shipping/logistics job, a lot of my self-confidence has been chipped away. It's a very task-oriented job , with lots of monotonous data entry work, and a heavy emphasis on keeping various paperwork organized in a certain way. It should ne noted that not only is the paperwork monotonous but there is a also a lot of it, on a good day I might get 5 or 6 new files, on a bad day 10-15 new files. \n\n At first I was actually doing okay ,I got a decent review after my first 3 months, but after that things started to go down the tubes. It all started with the fact that while I was doing the actual data entry work well, I was at the same time struggling with my organization, when it came to the hard copies of  these files. Things started to get really bad. when they added four new clients to my workload. \n\nOnce that happened I started to get really overwhelmed. This was compounded by the fact that after I completed my first 3 months on the job in November I earned 5 days of PTO, which I had use by the end of the year. I also missed two more days because of a seminar I had  to attend for work, to get a certain type of certification for the job.  All this time off meant that i got really behind,  which Is bad because I am constantly getting new files which makes it hard to focus on getting old jobs finished, because I have to get the first steps of these new files completed first, which takes a good chunk of my day already. This has started to become a major problem and my clients have started to complain to my bosses as they aren't getting the updates on the files they need in what they see as a timely manner. In my rush to attempt to get things done, along with my lack of focus due to finding the work boring and repetitive, I've started to make carless mistakes that have cost the company money.        \n\nThis job is really making me feel like an incompetent failure, and I'm wondering if maybe  this is just really not the job for me?  I'm also wondering why I was able to do so well in school, but am struggling so mightily in this environment? Any advice? \n ", "answer": "I\u2019ve always told myself that I need to feel invested in the work that I do in order to pay attention. I\u2019ve always struggled with your run-of-the-mill office jobs or retail work because I get bored and lose focus. \n\nTry and find an aspect of your job that stimulates you mentally. Another option would be to reward yourself for periods of focus\u2014like I would always use candy to reward myself for writing papers in undergrad. Look into the Pomodoro technique too. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7n6tva", "comment_id": "7n6tva"}, {"question": "please, just read.", "description": "i've been in a really bad place for a while now and seeing the positivity on here makes me the slightest bit more happy. it's as if people can *see* me, even though there are so many users behind screens. just wanted to **get that off my chest**", "answer": "I love you and you are not alone", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7d8bsy", "comment_id": "7d8bsy"}, {"question": "Saw a kid die", "description": "Went to my local convenience store for beer, a kid fell from the flat above. The mum screamed a scream i will never forget. Saw the paramedics take their little body away, saw the parents break down, wasn't worth it. Fucked me right up.", "answer": "So sorry you had to see that dude.", "topic": "cripplingalcoholism", "post_id": "gqc0kw", "comment_id": "gqc0kw"}, {"question": "I am [16/M] and my crush is [16/F]. I get obsessed because of meaningless things I say and can't stop thinking about them.", "description": "Let me give a bit of background on this one. \n\nI've been talking to my crush for more than half a year now, and the only reason I haven't dated her yet is because we live relatively far away and I have my math finals soon.\n\nSince we live far away, we're texting all the time. We're also skyping and talking on the phone. This part is all great.\n\nBut my problem is that I get super obsessed over small and meaningless things I say and can't stop thinking about them.\n\n###Example 1\n\nWe're skyping and she tells me she did something new in her hair. Without thinking I tell her I don't know if it's because I'm a guy or not but I don't really notice a difference.\n\nI know I should've told her it looks really good or something like that but I only thought about that later. This didn't hurt much and it wasn't meaningful since we kept skyping for 3 hours after this until we had to go to sleep and had a great time, yet for an entire day I just couldn't stop thinking about how I should've complimented her.\n\n###Example 2\n\nJust today we were texting. She is about to come back from a vacation abroad and she told me she got me something small but she doesn't feel like it's enough. I told her I'm sure it's enough. Then she said she'll try to find something else in the airport mall so I sent her a heart emoji and a smiling emoji. \n\nLater I thought that I probably should've said that what she got is enough and that she doesn't have to buy something else but now it's too late to bring that up.\n\nThis probably doesn't matter at all either but I can't stop thinking about it. It feels like for some reason it will do a lot of harm even though I am absolutely sure we'll have something going on between us.\n\n \n\nThese 2 examples aren't the only ones but I think they're enough. How can I stop thinking about these kind of things? I know it's not healthy and it bothers me quite a bit, but I'm honestly not sure on how to stop.\n\n**TL;DR** I say a lot of things that don't really matter but I can't stop thinking about them and it really bothers me. How can I stop?", "answer": "obsessiveness is anxiety. talk to your doc and find a therapist. it will help", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "696qa9", "comment_id": "696qa9"}, {"question": "Do social media communities for mental health still exist? What are they like?", "description": "I used to be part of one on Twitter. We were big but tight-knit, so most people didn't pay us any mind. It was nice that that support structure was there. Does anyone know if stuff like that still exists? I'm given to understand that the one on Twitter got kinda big and less intimate and now it's not really a thing people go to for support...", "answer": "There's a good amount of groups on Facebook and if you type things like mental health + forum into google you can find endless message board groups.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6soq3g", "comment_id": "6soq3g"}, {"question": "[26/m]I want to leave my wife [24/f], here's my story...", "description": "My wife and I have been together for five years and married for almost three. We are in our mid twenties. She is from South America, all her family is there and she has visited annually, which is leaving me bitter and filled with resentment, let me explain. \n\nFinancially we're stable but stuck in a rut. I've been bouncing from job to job since college and was recently hired with a great company. She was working at a local hotel and doing great, just starting to make good money. She quit her job (she wasn't selected for a promotion she thought she would get) and went to visit her family for two months leaving me to foot the bills for everything. I am okay with being alone, I can take care of myself but my biggest issue is looking towards the future. There are virtually no employers that will grant a month or two of leave annually unless she finds seasonal work.The tickets to her country are about 1500$ round trip and it takes the better part of two days to get there so going for a week or even two was not an option to her. She has had to quit several jobs because of this already. I cant help but to ask myself what that means for our future. Our bills are minimal now but what if I want to buy a house? I feel like i'm going to have a minimum wage income supplementing our lives for 10 months a year. I cant ask her to not go see her family, but I cant see us ever being successful. There are also other parts of our relationship that disappoint me but I feel like they are the norm for many. \n\n\n  \n\n     ", "answer": "Well, why can't she get a seasonal job? There are plenty of seasonal jobs that pay well-- Work at a ski resort in the winter/Summer beach resort in the summer?  Waitressing makes good money and is pretty flexible in terms of coming and going-- it's pretty easy (at least where I live) to pick up restaurant jobs.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "193uki", "comment_id": "193uki"}, {"question": "Ladies, how many of you experience an increase in your anxiety shortly before your period begins?", "description": "Have you figured out a pattern of an unexplained increase in your anxiety and your period? Have you spoken to your therapist or doctor about it? Did they say this is a thing? Does anxiety medication help at all? \n\nI took this week off of work, which causes anxiety to begin with. I have chest crushing anxiety today (that I am hiding because I\u2019m home alone with my toddlers) and then tonight, BAM! There\u2019s my period.\n\nIt feels terrible to think this is my biology", "answer": "I don\u2019t have periods anymore (thanks mirena!) but when I did, I always had a spike in anxiety right before my period. Very normal!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "cemmjp", "comment_id": "cemmjp"}, {"question": "Things they dont tell you about bulimia *trigger warning*", "description": "- it will cause sores and cuts on your knuckles\n\n- stomach acid will burn any abrasions or said cuts on yoyr hands\n- you will lose your voice\n\n- your throat will constantly ache and burn\n\n- your knees will be bruised from kneeling in front\n of the toilet\n\n- you will get horrible acid reflux\n\n- you will get iron, electrolyte and other vitamin deficiencies\n\n-you will never be able to tell if your meds are in your system or whether they were purged", "answer": "My throat is so sore right now. If anyone knows how to help that, lmk", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "eypklb", "comment_id": "eypklb"}, {"question": "Wife pregnant with affair...What to do?", "description": "We are a married couple for 4 years, with no kids. We were seeing each other for 7 years before that. Wife initially started our conversation that she wanted a divorce because she was not attracted to me anymore. Later on, she admitted that she was seeing someone (Mr.X) and she had committed the worst thing ever. They had sex few times and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. I do not know what to do. She might be emotionally involved with Mr.X and she needs to talk to him about the pregnancy..if she needs to abort it or want to keep it ? I am very devastated with all this and want a divorce, because it seems to be messy situation. I can not speak to anyone about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic. If it was only an affair, I could have thought twice of giving this a second chance. But knowing she is pregnant, it feels terrible. \nI do not know what to do...Looking for some advice here...please help, im devastated. Should I give her a second chance and forget what happened OR get a separation and make my own way out of this ?\n\nEdit : I do not plan to raise the other man's kid. If we choose to give it another chance, she would have to drop the kid, since its only 6 weeks it's only a pill abort. I feel horrible to say this, but for reasons I would not want to raise someone's else kid.", "answer": "so sorry..... no easy answer here.  everyone is different when it comes to forgiveness. i would definitely see a marriage counselor", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pst0i", "comment_id": "5pst0i"}, {"question": "Do I really have a 40% chance of dying in the next two years?? Am I reading this stat wrong?", "description": "Just got out of the hospital after 3 days in accute care with severe sepsis, bordering on septic shock. Docs think the infection started with enteritis, but they aren't sure what caused the enteritis in the first place. Multiple doctors told me the initial infection was probably viral--urine & stool cultures didn't reveal anything bacterial--yet I was treated with antibiotics because 'you appear to be responding to them' ??? \n\n**Because my hospitalization was so short, some people have assumed that my sepsis was mild.** Not true--my first day in the ER, they couldn't raise my blood pressure above 70s/40s despite flooding me with fluids & vasodilators (my normal blood pressure is low--100/70--but this was realllllly low). Fever of 102\u00b0. Some signs of end stage organ failure (inability to pass urine, inability to keep any food or water down). \n\nEverything's happened so fast & intense--Friday I was fine. Saturday I couldn't stand upright long enough to make tea in my own kitchen, and I couldn't even keep water down. Sunday/Monday/Tuesday, hospital. Friday: I feel...okish now. Still very low energy. Sleeping a lot. But I'm leagues better than I was. \n\n###**With that medical history out of the way, here's my question: do sepsis survivors really have a 40% chance of dying in the two years following?**\n\nI was curious about This Thing That Abruptly Upended My Life, so I've been doing a lot of research while in recovery. \n\nI found two unsettling stats:\n\n[From JAMA:](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2667724)\n\n>The prognosis for patients after sepsis varies. About a third of patients die in the year after sepsis, one-sixth experience severe persistent weakness or difficulty with memory, concentration, or decision making, and half have a complete or near-complete recovery.\n\n[From the University of Michigan](https://ihpi.umich.edu/news/does-sepsis-keep-killing-months-later)\n\n>Prescott and team then analyzed the late death rates and found that among the patients who survived for 30 days after their sepsis hospitalization, 40 percent died within the next two years.\n\n>\u201cIt was interesting because this high rate of late mortality was not explained by the patient\u2019s age, socio-demographics or their pre-sepsis health status,\u201d Prescott says.\n\n>\u201cRather, we found that, compared to the group of adults not in the hospital, one in five patients who survived sepsis had a late death that was not explained by their baseline characteristics. Compared to the patients admitted to the hospital with a non-sepsis infection or sterile inflammatory condition, patients with sepsis had a 10 percent and 16 percent absolute increase in late death, respectively.\u201d\n\n**No one at the hospital told me any of this--am I reading this correctly? Do I need to get a will??** I am in shock & completely reevaluating my life. \n\nI am a planner, and my life is very staid & scripted (which is the way I like it). I have one month goals, 3 month goals, 1 year goals, 5 year goals...all of this is in question now. \n\n\n**Stats:**\n\nAge: 29\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'0\"/153 cm\n\nWeight: 105 lbs/47 kg\n\nRace: mixed asian/white\n\nSmoking/Drinking/Drugs: No\n\n\nIf anyone from Holy Cross Hospital in Maryland is reading this: I am eternally grateful to Nurse Brenda in the ER, and Nurse Abel, Nurse Leslie, Nurse Grace, Nurse Lalitha (?), & Dr. Fri in the accute ward (and a tonne of other people I can't remember cause I was kinda out of it...you guys saved my life. Thank you).", "answer": "This is the difference between a study population and an individual patient.\n\nPeople who develop severe sepsis tend to not only be very sick while septic but also be people who are very sick and prone to sepsis. They have comorbidities\u2014other illnesses and circumstances\u2014that put them at high risk of sepsis and death. It\u2019s not that sepsis directly makes you likely to die later, it\u2019s that people at risk of dying tend to be at risk of sepsis.\n\nA young, otherwise healthy person can become septic, as you\u2019ve learned. It\u2019s rare, and it\u2019s rare enough that it has little effect on statistics on sepsis. You are probably the outlier\u2014this is *most likely* one-time bad luck and has no effect on long-term risk. It\u2019s certainly important to make sure there isn\u2019t some reason for it for you\u2014for example, people who inject drugs are at high risk of sepsis and death, and certain immune deficiencies can raise your risk dramatically\u2014but if everything has been checked out you were just unlucky.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "k243f9", "comment_id": "k243f9"}, {"question": "Any tips for making yourself do things?", "description": "The main way that adhd negatively impacts me as an adult is that I have a REALLY hard time getting up to do things. Once I\u2019ve started I get on a role, but getting started doesn\u2019t happen often enough for my liking. This happens for things like getting up to go to work or doing laundry/cleaning, but also for fun things like getting ready to see friends or even getting up to get food.\n\nAny tips?", "answer": "Not sure if it\u2019s already mentioned but I do something called the \u201c20 Minutes\u201d rule. I commit to doing the task for the next 20 minutes and if I am still bored I stop for a while. It usually will trick me into getting into a groove", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ai9lj9", "comment_id": "ai9lj9"}, {"question": "My [24/F] boyfriend [28/M] is going away for a weekend to music festival.", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, almost 2 years. He is really into the edm music I myself are not that big of a fan. We have been to a few music festivals together, we had fun. But I'm a few weeks he is leaving out of state for the Arizona global music festival. He will be leaving early Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night.  He is going out there for a night with his cousins. I can't help but feel mad that he is leaving. I don't even know why I feel mad I trust him. I trust that he isn't going to do something to jeopardize our relationship. \n\nI have just been a complete bitch to him since he told me he was going to leave. Can someone just give me some advice to stop being so rude to him and just let him leave without starting a argument. ", "answer": "Stop being so rude to him and just let him leave without starting an argument.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5bnhh0", "comment_id": "5bnhh0"}, {"question": "I don't know how to meet new people", "description": "Hi, I'm 20 years old and finished my studies, and I don't really know anyone, there's 2 people I chat with now and then but we aren't exactly close. In my last year of high school I lost my group of friends and I've  never really made any since. I'm an introvert so I spend most of my time reading, watching movies or Netflix and playing video games, and I'm not a big party person so I don't go out drinking or to parties (don't get invited out or to parties anyway) and I just don't know how to meet new people who I can actually hang out with because the closest I can get to meeting people is online friends who live on the other side of the world and I'm just so stuck and it's started to take a toll on my mental health so any advice would be greatly appreciated. ", "answer": "Try Bumble BFF or joining a meetup group!", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "9k4kpk", "comment_id": "9k4kpk"}, {"question": "Brother regularly toking and drinking alcohol before driving, has not been caught with a DUI yet", "description": "Is there a way I can inform the police to have him arrested next time he does this?", "answer": "Yeah make an anonymous call that you saw so n so vehicle with so n so license plate swerving and almost hit someone you believe him to be intoxicated and it was at so n so location \n\nBut try to talk with him first. Maybe be upfront about your beliefs in it being wrong. Toking usually is fine (sorry but honest) but drinking is impairing much more so.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2j78ec", "comment_id": "2j78ec"}, {"question": "Performance anxiety induced insomnia: is it OK to take low dose sleeping pill?", "description": "Hi,\n\nI didn't think this was solvable problem but recently read this as productivity \"hack\" from reputable person.\n\nThis problem is now severely affecting my life: I get very low sleep (<=6hrs) day before interview (the day I need it most). Problem is so severe that I got Provigil (modafinil) tablet to combat sleep deprivation induced cognitive impairment (which helps but also introduces verbal fluency issues when speaking foreign language (English), so it's far from ideal).\n\nI know sleeping pills don't induce quality sleep. But is 8 hours on 1/3 of Ambien better than 5 hours \"natural\" sleep? This type of event happens around 5-10 times per year, so they wouldn't be used chronically.\n\nThank you.", "answer": "This is one of the few good using of sedative-hypnotics, in my opinion. Needing an Ambien for a night now and then is perfectly reasonable as long as it's helpful for you.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "94ipfc", "comment_id": "94ipfc"}, {"question": "What\u2019s the most hyperfocused you\u2019ve ever been on something?", "description": "For me it was when I was playing Rhythm Heaven for hours until my dad called me to do a chore and putting the game down felt like waking up from a deep sleep ", "answer": "Every damn time I get deep into an excel sheet....", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "9a2kbn", "comment_id": "9a2kbn"}, {"question": "What is a good way to start getting to know better/more-productive people?", "description": "***TL;DR below***\n\n\nI'm almost 21 with no clear direction of interest in college, with a circle of mostly non-productive people who mostly just laugh things down, and who's yet to have a job.\n\n\nI decided recently that I need a job since schooling isn't seeming to be enough for me to find my preferred career direction, so I cut back on schooling and have been searching for a job. So far nowhere has accepted me, while I've gotten some interviews, but slowly I'm starting to realize that I might have to work at a place more like \"McDonalds\" instead of places more like \"Red Robins\" or \"Outback\". I want a job where I can be around people who will expect me to do my part in work and to get better, but also to have a job where I can build my personality since I've been stagnant much of my life. The thing is though I've come to a chicken-and-egg problem of needing to have a really good personality to get the interviews to go good. I almost got into In-N-Out by putting up a good front that I hoped to one day turn into my real self, but my second interviewer was far less interested in my drive and more interested in myself. I don't have much to say about myself right now since I don't do much, but I want to get more hobbies like skateboarding etc. - but to get into those hobbies I need money and new friends, which means I need a job - and new friends.\n\n\nThat isn't the main issue though, as the worst case scenario is I'll have to work in a lame job for a year or less to get experience. I had other ideas anyways to get around better people. I chose to join a community service club at my college, but was surprised at how the people were and how the club was ran. The club requires an entrance fee to *do* some services, which isn't too bad, but the club also was oddly cliquish with some people sitting to themselves at the corner of the room and no-one else (of the seemingly more outgoing members) were doing anything about it. They're paid members too, but looking like outcasts. I talked with them and got to know some of them, but I also tried to get to know the more outgoing others. A lot of them showed little interest in making the club a very open environment to everyone though (not through telling them this, but through their actions and how they didn't all welcome me). A lot of people in the club feel off too, like they're pushing fake personas. I got to talking to one of the outgoing kids for a good 30 minutes, but was moderately uncomfortable in how he'd be glancing off everywhere the entire time with probably a total of 30 seconds of eye-contact (no joke). I took from that body language that he didn't want to talk, so I made an opening to leave and end the conversation, but he strangely insisted to coming with me. I don't consider myself too socially awkward, but I do consider myself a person lacking experience and who is far from worldly.\n\n\n***TL;DR* : So, I've been trying to get a positive/productive first-job, but that's failed thus far and I'll likely end up getting a job more the like of McDonalds. I'm trying to get into a community service club, but find the atmosphere not as positive or open as I'd like. But to my goal, I want to get more experience and be with people who push me to get into new/different things. I'd hope to find people who can push my interests and help me find what I really want to do. Right now I'm siting on friends who just stagnate with entertainment and down-talking just about everything. I'm tired of my lifestyle and want to change, what other things should I do to aid in that?**\n\n\n*EDIT:* I don't want to restrict myself from talking to certain people, but I do find myself the type of person who always ends up with the outcasts in a room of people. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the thing is the outcasts tend to be imperfect people or have clear issues with themselves (not the type driven in having both of us change for the better).\nI have one class-mate I sat next to one day, since I got to class right at the bell, and she started talking a lot to me. She actually has a lot in common with me technically, but sadly I don't want to go through with all those old hobbies anymore (gaming, drawing, etc) and she is one to also down-talk things and look for pity on many parts of her life. We barely know each-other right now and she's already told me family issues, her sleep issues, etc. I actually would like to move my seat to one where I can sit next to other people to get to know more people (not ditch her entirely), but I feel like that'd be mean to her to some extent - while I feel being friendly to someone through pity without saying honest statements (because they might make her mad) is potentially also mean. So I guess I'm afraid of someone disliking me so I choose to be submissive, not sure if that's the best idea. But ya, I guess that's kind-of relevant.", "answer": "Since you are a student, you may look at seeing a counselor.  Often times schools provide free counseling to students.   \n\nIt might help to have someone to bounce ideas off of and explore some of the confidence issues that you seem to have.\n\nSome of it can be how you interpret things.   Are you being passive or compassionate?  Is that person not interested or do they have other things going on?   Are you boring or are you trying to find yourself as a young adult?   Different interpretations make for different feelings and reactions.  \n\nTake some time and try to find the things that you do like about yourself and maybe be realistic about weaknesses that you would like to improve.    You sound like a decent guy, so I wish you the best.   ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "47rl7o", "comment_id": "47rl7o"}, {"question": "Is this a normal feeling?", "description": "So, Ive been lurking around this subreddit for a while and trying to figure out how I could put what I was feeling into words. So, I have a pretty good life. I have asian parents so the topic of therapy is very foreigh to them. And thats why I decided to give this subreddit a try . I have great parents, loving sister, im currently in medical school which is my dream job . I dont really have much to complain about. But even then i\u00f1I dont kniw why, but Im never happy. Every night before falling asleep my mind always starts thinking about how good it would feel If I died right now. Like I would have these sudden thoughts about just ending it and I dont even know what triggers them. Its like im guilty of feeling happy. Like i dont deserve to be happy. And I always wanted to live a short life. I want to live a short but happy life. This was because I couldnt imagine a world without my parents. I dont want to outlive them. Is this normal?.", "answer": "No I wouldn't consider that to be normal, with your definition of \"normal\" meaning being ok with being happy. Those sudden thoughts would be considered to be intrusive thoughts (thoughts that just suddenly pop up and you have a hard time ignoring them/making them go away.) The thought processes you're having of how it would be good if you died right now but not taking action towards those steps would be considered to be passive suicidal ideation (aka if I got hit by a bus it would be nice, if I just happened to die I'd be ok with it) which is still considered suicidal ideation. \n\n​\n\nThe question is how long you've felt like this for, and if this has impacted your life significantly in terms of functioning socially, educationally, or otherwise. Same with the other person who posted, if you're in med school you can go to a therapist and confidentiality will keep your concerns between yourself and your therapist. The therapist could help you figure out the triggers of what is making you feel the way you do.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ds19cr", "comment_id": "ds19cr"}, {"question": "Question about Hep C. Please help me", "description": "On Dec 15, i accidentally got a needlestick from a lancet from a patient who had antibodies for Hep C. I freaked out and thought i contracted the disease. I heard that the Hep C RNA can be detected within 2 weeks after contact if contracted. About 3 weeks after the incident, I went in for a Hep C PCR Qualitative test and it came back negative. So after the qualitative test, about 2 weeks later, I went in for another RNA test. This time, I got the Hep C PCR Quantitative test. That test also came back negative. This would make it about 6 weeks after the needlestick incident and both my tests were negative. My Doc said that I did not contracted the disease. However later I noticed that i been breaking out alot and i never had acne before. Could Hep C cause acne?? I am scared", "answer": "No, it doesn't cause acne, and a negative PCR over a month after exposure is a convincing negative. The odds of contracting an infection after a needlestick is under 2% for hepatitis C, so you got lucky but not unusually so.\n\nNot everyone with positive hep C antibodies is hep C positive, either; a sizable minority clear the infection after the acute phase, but the antibodies persist whether or not the viral RNA (and thus infection) remains present.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9iwrxa", "comment_id": "9iwrxa"}, {"question": "Dual-Diagnosis Here. Are there others who are on psychotic drugs who are working and going to school? It seems immeasurably difficult.", "description": "Quick post, I'm typing this while at work and having a very rough time.\n\n\n\nEdit: I've decided to take a leave of absence for twelve weeks from work. I'll be seeing my therapist and psychiatrist more often in that time, doing more self care, and going to more meetings (addiction related). Thanks everyone for what you've said, it's helped me to understand that this is not easy and needs to be handled in it's own unique way. Keep spreading hope. ", "answer": "Dual-diagnosis like mental illness and drug addiction?", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25yubz", "comment_id": "25yubz"}, {"question": "Advice for interviewing 11-13 year olds 1 on 1?", "description": "Any help would be greatly appreciated :)", "answer": "I work with this age group, and it's really not different from talking to older teens or young adults. Ask getting to know you questions the same you would anyone else, and if you can try to connect on a TV show, youtube channel, sport, whatever they're into. You'll earn their respect simply by talking to them as normal people -- at this age they still get talked down to by adults.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "3ke523", "comment_id": "3ke523"}, {"question": "Severe Autism, no progress?", "description": "Hello, I am posting in hopes to gain more insight on my sister and her condition. She is 16 years old and was diagnosed with autism at age 3 or so, and has recently been put in a group home.\n\n​\n\nBefore her diagnosis, doctors didn't notice anything off and she even began to say a few words. Then she completely stopped making any developmental progress. She cannot talk and she never has. I never really understood it growing up, so I am hoping someone can help me since my parents don't know much themselves.  \n\n\nWhy does she not talk? Is there any chance she will ever talk? Doctors said maybe after puberty, but things aren't looking good. When I went to visit her, she seemed happy since I brought her a toy that plays music, which she likes. But then suddenly she gets upset and pushes me away. She also often bites herself and flaps her hands around. Could anything other than autism be the reason she doesn't talk? I have tried to search online but have been having difficulties since autism is such a wide spectrum and she is on the more severe side. Thank you for any input, it is much appreciated.", "answer": "It sounds to me like a more severe variant of autism, maybe combined with a genetic disorder (did she have genetical testing?), probably combined with low IQ. Try thinking of her as if she still is a young child in an adolescent body.\n\nMy advice, however, is not to care too much about the diagnosis. The important thing is that she is as happy as she can be and since everyone with autism is different, to find out what makes her happy, look at her and not at any book about autism.\n\n​\n\nHope this helps. Sorry my reply came so late.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bbalfv", "comment_id": "bbalfv"}, {"question": "I now hate my life and myself", "description": "Hey. I am not sure if I belong here but it seems like a place where people will understand me. If I am breaking any rules then I am sorry and will be out.\n\nIts just that I am not an alcoholic. I never drank for more than 3 days in a row and mostly didn't drink if I had to work next day and I have no trouble refusing if somebody offers me a drink now. I am more of a binge drinker who can't stop when started until I blackout. If alcohol is over before I blackout I feel a sort of desperation. So I drank like that  1-3 times a week for over a decade.\n\nAnd then a few years ago I decided to stop. I am not even sure why anymore. Maybe because I fell on my face and broke two of my teeth on two different occasions in one year, because I am now with an actual alcoholic or because I was afraid I may say something or cheat on him by accident. Not sure. Only now I really hate life. It is all grey and depressing.Nothing got better like for example when it comes to work but everything else just got worse. I tried to find ways to have fun without drinking but I just can't. Its like if you ever felt true fun all the substitutes just don't live up to it. I also don't really know who I am anymore. I guess I identified myself too much with being a fun, wild drunk. I loved all the stories of what I did when drunk and actually enjoyed all the positive and negative things people were saying about me. Now I don't know where to put myself. I try to get my boyfriend to quit and that not just because I worry about him but because I feel jealous when I see him drunk. I hate his friends who come to drink with him because I imagine myself drinking with them. It hurts when I see my old friends now being his friends asking what happened with me. They all probably think I am a stuck up bitch who is against fun. And I can't find any new friends because I have no idea how to connect with people anymore (acquaintances yes, but no friends) . I did get drunk a couple of times in the past 3 years but only like 5 times per year and his friends all said they like me more that way which I get, I agree with them. I started getting high on opiates but this doesn't help as it isn't a very social drug.\n\nBasically everything is absolutely awful and I don't know how to change it. I keep on telling myself that I will go back and plan to get a vodka bottle on Friday but something always stops me. I think mainly because of my parents who are so happy with the change in me because they can't see how miserable I am and I don't want to hurt them. Back in the days I didn't care about that, I only cared about what I wanted and I miss this too.\n\nAnyways. I am sure people here felt this way and can maybe give some sort of advice? Did you ever find the same happiness without drinking, made any real friends, found a way to be happy with who you are etc.?", "answer": "The term \u201cAlcoholic\u201d is no longer used in medical terminology. The correct term is \u201cAlcohol Use Disorder\u201d. Medically speaking you meet the diagnostic criteria for an alcohol use disorder.  The only requirement for membership for AA is a desire to stop drinking. If drinking causes problems it is a problem. If you persist in a behavior after that behavior causes problems, it will help to examine what positive benefits you gain from it.  I suggest you try 90 days of abstinence while attending AA meetings and introduce yourself as someone who is sampling sobriety and seeking to learn new ways of coping.  I suspect that your inner life has not provided you with the peace and contentment that you would prefer. AA offers a 12 step process of recovery that addresses the problem of living according to spiritual values. Each of the steps has a spiritual theme. The first is honesty. Getting honest about how drinking is harming you is necessary. If you persist in drinking when it\u2019s harmful you aren\u2019t being honest. AA calls that powerless. The second principle is hope. AA provides plenty of evidence for reason to hope for a better life than the one you\u2019re living. The third principle is faith. In AA you will meet people who have been revitalized by their reliance on a power greater than themselves, and AA suggests you define what that is for yourself.  The fourth principle is courage. Self examination is a necessary part of the process and self deception will sabotage your recovery. That is why it is necessary to share it with another.  The rest of the steps build on this process, each step preparing you for the next one. Finally you achieve a sense of indescribable freedom. This is described in the promises that are given in the AA literature.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "f9snay", "comment_id": "f9snay"}, {"question": "ADHD House Cleaning Game", "description": "Start with one item that needs to be put away, like a pair of scissors lying on the coffee table for example. So you go put the scissors in the kitchen drawer. On the counter above the kitchen drawer is some junk mail that needs to be thrown out. So you throw the mail out and notice the trash needs to be emptied. You empty the trash, put in a new kitchen trash bag and notice one of your dog's toys on the floor nearby. You put the dog's toy away and...\n\nAnyway, it's kind of a trip to see how long you can bounce around from one spot to another and keep getting stuff done in the process. ", "answer": "OMG that is exactly how I \"clean up\" the clutter....Then that song gets stuck in my head by the Fixx.  One thing, One, ONE THING leads to anoooother!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "62gfqq", "comment_id": "62gfqq"}, {"question": "Questions about insomnia (in post)", "description": "Currently 14 but 13 when this happened, around 1.75m tall and unsure on weight but overweight, mixed asian/african, living in north east england.\n\nAround a year ago, I went to my GP (NHS) after years of not being able to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time, and was told I had insomnia, but couldn't be given sleeping pills until I was 18 because I was too young. He told me that sleeping in the same room as the router was probably causing my insomnia and I should stop sleeping with the wifi on. He also gave me alimemazine tablets to take daily, which didn't work at all (I searched it up too, looked like complete bullshit for insomnia). I stopped taking them after around 3 weeks, because they had no effect on me. for context, I live in a fairly shady area with a lot of unemployed families, run down buildings, cut down times at nurseries and the library; it's pretty clear the government doesn't want to spend much on our area, or public health. I haven't been to the GP since, because they're never useful, so this has stopped me from seeing them about some concerns.\n\nso tl;dr:\n- is there an age requirement for sleeping pills in england? can under 18's take sleeping pills?\n- is there something stronger than alimemazine my gp could have given me at 13?\n- is my router causing my insomnia, or was my gp just making an excuse? keeping in mind, my mom also has insomnia (as well as mental illnesses, if that makes a difference)", "answer": "I don't know about the laws regarding controlled substances (or any substances) in England. I don't know anything about alimemazine either, since it's not legal for use in the USA.\n\nThere are regularly loud pronouncements on the dangers of wifi and other forms of non-visible electromagnetic radiation, usually claiming cancer but any number of other physical or mental problems. Those are almost universally garbage. (The definite exception, of course, is ultraviolet light.) Wifi causing insomnia is not supported by any scientific literature.\n\nSleeping pills come in many types. They all have their own risks, but none are risk-free, and none are impressively effective, either. They aren't my first recommendation for sleep problems, and they aren't my second or third, either. (Sleep hygiene, CBT-I, and sometimes melatonin.) I would say it's worth seeing someone else and getting a more thorough evaluation of your type of insomnia and what might be done about it, if that's possible through the NHS.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "aco6sh", "comment_id": "aco6sh"}, {"question": "hi, i'm a stalker and i need help", "description": "Hi. I'm a stalker, and I don't want to be. \n\nAre there any resources targeted toward men who do this but don't want to? Something that isn't the typical \"tough love / scare tactic\" stuff.\n\nIt's pretty bad and it isn't getting better. \n\nedit: please do not recommend therapy or try to sell me on e-therapists or assume that there are competent affordable therapist in my area. thank you. no therapy recommendations.", "answer": "Well if you want the help then call and get information. They are obligated per their license to give you that. \n\nBut as someone that works in this field, I can tell you that accountability for your actions is the most important step towards recovery.  Even if you haven\u2019t committed crimes or broken any laws, consider the moral and ethical choices you make when you have the behaviors you\u2019re trying to fix. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7clo0e", "comment_id": "7clo0e"}, {"question": "Weird feeling in chest that feels better when I wrap my arm around my chest and squeeze?", "description": "Age: 24\n\nSex: Female\n\nHeight: 5'4\n\nWeight: Average\n\nRace: White\n\nDuration of complaint: On & off the last week\n\nLocation (Geographic and on body): Chest, mostly on my last few ribs on both sides but often worse in the slightly to the right of the centre. \n\nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): I have a history of blood clots (1) and consistent problems with my lungs. Recurrent chest infections, pleurisy. \n\nCurrent medications (if any): None\n\nI'm currently experiencing a weird feeling in my chest. I wouldn't really call it fullness or tightness although there is discomfort definitely and an occasional bit of pain, similar to period cramps in how they feel. It relieves the discomfort a bit if I wrap my arm across my chest and squeeze down. \n\nI've also been having small sharp pains in my fingertips randomly and my eyes have occasionally stopped focusing on whatever I'm looking at. ", "answer": "Hm.\nDo you know why you have suffered from blood clots before? Where have you had these clots? \n\nDo you have shortness of breath? If so, it might be an urgent matter.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5vcl8y", "comment_id": "5vcl8y"}, {"question": "NSFW--normal or bipolar psychosis?", "description": "Ive experienced bipolar psychosis before and am on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic. Im having sex for the first time. I get so befuddled building up to it, I literally confuse reality and fiction--I confuse reality with like details from a book I'm reading or am not sure where I am (while in my aptartment). I've never heard of it being that extremely disorienting and I can't find it on google. Is that in the range of normal, or should i make an appt with a pdoc bc my hormones are messing with my medication?", "answer": "When in doubt, visit your doctor. ", "topic": "BipolarReddit", "post_id": "2qh13s", "comment_id": "2qh13s"}, {"question": "First time I've been depressed", "description": "So as university progresses in my 2nd year, me living off campus, I'm getting more and more depressed.\n\nI have financial issues, family members that have had severe medical problems, discontent in my course choices, my long distance relationship girlfriend is being as supportive as she can but I feel like I keep bringing her down and I don't know what to do.\n\nToday is the first time in my life I've had suicidal thoughts and no motivation. I used to play violin for hours everyday, I'm a musician, I used to go to the gym every other day to keep healthy, I used to play games for fun. Everything seems like a chore, even cooking, I often won't eat until 11pm, it's already around 520 and I haven't eaten anything today.\n\nI'm just depressed and the usual activities I do to cope with it, I've lost all motivation for. I just feel like laying in my bed all day, to rot, because I'm worthless. And I feel like doing self harm, but I know it won't help me at all", "answer": "Sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time: sounds like your depression has really sapped out your interest and energy for the things you enjoy in life. \n\nYou say that you are in your 2nd year of university, and that's great! Having the motivation to go study what you enjoy is a strength you have, as well as having what seems like a plethora of enjoyable and healthy hobbies. \n\nDoes your university have a counseling center? Now seems like the best time to reach out for some support. Additionally, most university counseling centers offer their services absolutely free (you pay for it with your tuition), so there's a bit of a load off your financial back.\n\nBeing depressed for the first time can be really scary, especially if it doesn't resolve itself on it's own. Often times you blame yourself, and it becomes a cycle of increasing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of energy. Now is the best time for you to reach out. \n\nHoping the best for you :)", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5114e4", "comment_id": "5114e4"}, {"question": "Long term OTC sleeping pill abuse and psychological side effects", "description": "I apologize that this is long, but I really need some advice. \n\nHello, I've never posted here so I'm not sure if I have to include my information for this, but just in case.. I am a 5'3\" female, I weigh 120 pounds, I'm 22 years old and I'm white. \n\nSo, for the past ~17 months I have been taking OTC sleeping pills every single night. I'd taken them on and off for a few years, but never to the extent I am now. \n\nIn January 2016 I had a traumatic experience that caused me to have such awful nightmares and pretty much refused to sleep and did everything I could to be awake. Well, this went on for three weeks and I was getting a max of 1 hour a night of sleep if I was lucky. Obviously, this interfered with my life. For example, I went to take an exam for a class I was in and could not even comprehend the questions, it was like I couldn't read. \n\nI finally decided that was enough so I bought zzzquil. It was amazing and I started taking it every night. Well, eventually I got to the point where one large bottle of zzzqui would last two nights because I would just drink so much to get to sleep. I then moved on the sleeping pills. Now here I am taking anywhere from 3-12 Benadryl or Tylenol pm every single night. 3 pills is a good day for me, but that rarely happens. \n\nBefore someone says to just take melatonin, I've tried. I have tried to quit the OTC sleeping pills for melatonin but it won't work for me. \n\nWhat I am wondering is, what are the effects of long term OTC sleeping pill abuse? How can I stop doing this, because I don't want to do this forever. \n\nAlso, I should add, every single night my sleeping pills make me feel just completely out of it. My vision becomes blurry, I hear and see things, and I'm unable to hold a coherent conversation. This all goes away when I wake up (besides the sleeping pill hang over) but recently, I started having audio and visual hallucination during the day time. And not where you think maybe you heard something in the distance, mine are very clear and loud and the hallucinations look very real, as well. \n\nThank you, in advance. ", "answer": "You're overdoing antihistamines to a toxic level, you need to cut down before you suffer the more serious side effects including irregular heart rhythms or seizures.\n\nIt might be a better idea to deal with the traumatic experience (through psychiatry, psychology, or counselling services) that has led to your predicament.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "69xcgw", "comment_id": "69xcgw"}, {"question": "Survived a wedding yesterday!", "description": "First wedding I\u2019ve been to where I didn\u2019t drink. It was difficult, but I made it through. Just focusing on staying present, dancing, and people watching made it a bit easier.\n\nDay 15 :)", "answer": "Well done. I've been there. Its not easy. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "94paij", "comment_id": "94paij"}, {"question": "I accidentally scared him off. How long is appropriate before I try to make amends?", "description": "I was seeing this guy for about 4 months who lived in another province. I knew he was crazy about me before. He had just broken up with his ex of 2 years and was still dealing with some drama from that, and so I feel like I accidentally put too much pressure on things and overwhelmed him. I only ever tried to be really positive and supportive of him. But he got freaked out and ended things with me, and I hung up on him because I was too sad and upset to hear him try to explain his way through it. I felt bad and the next day I tried to contact him again to see if we could continue to talk about it and wanted to still be cool.. but I just got hit with the stonewall.. totally ignored and looked like a desperate chud. I decided not to bother contacting him again for a long time until things have settled down. My question is.... and guys help me out here because the anxiety is real.... how long is a good amount of time before I try to contact him again? I'm not trying to get back together with him necessarily, I just want to make amends so that things don't have to be tense and awkward anymore. I can't stand having this kind of tension in my life and I just want to like, shake hands and walk away peacefully. At the very least. It's been almost a month so far since we spoke last.", "answer": "a week or two", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f20q1", "comment_id": "6f20q1"}, {"question": "Friend is in a psych ward. Will visit but don't know what to say.", "description": "A friend of mine is a refugee. His application for asylum got denied and he turned suicidal from desperation and ended up in a local psych ward. I'll visit him today, but I really don't know what to say to him. I've talked to a few people I know, who have more knowledge on the legal side of things, but they said there's nothing I could do. So basically, my friend is suicidal because he has to go back to a warzone, he has no family left and none of his friends here can help him. I need advice because I don't know what to say, but I really want to be there for him in his desperation. I have pretty horrible social skills as well, so that's great,  too... \n\nTLDR friend will be forced to return to his homecountry, turned suicidal because of it,  I want to help but don't know how.  ", "answer": "be natural as if you were anywhere. your good intuition will guide you.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wcgz0", "comment_id": "6wcgz0"}, {"question": "Is there something wrong with me?", "description": "18/M/180cm/64kg\n\nHello,\nso i have been having these current issues probably for half a year. Otherwise I've been to lots of doctors, since I've had various symptoms my whole life,\neven though nothing really has been diagnosed. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist for some kind of colitis, they can't confirm Crohns or similar since i don't have most of the symptoms. Also I think I'm a hypochondriac.\n\nNow to get to the current stuff. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, no energy for anything. When walking for 10, 15 mins i get weak, tired, and heart rate is sometimes 120 bpm sometimes even 150. Resting heart rate varies around 60-90 bpm. While standing up it gets faster, and i have dizziness, when sitting down, it slows down but beats stronger. On PE, after doing some harder exercise i also get really fast heart rate, trouble breathing, feeling i'm going to faint. Of course, i have been to a cardiologist after that, and the ultrasound is all good. Holter ECG was ok, only 1 pair of pvc which scared me and i still have anxiety about that. I have right bundle branch block, which they say is  nothing. Can the fast heart rate be caused just by poor physical condition? Do i need stress ECG? Now, usually while sitting at the computer, it happened a few times, i get dizzy for a few seconds, feel like going to faint, heart starts racing, shortness of breath, i get scared and i have to take a walk for it to calm down. I realize that it may be a panic attack but i'm usually calm before it happens. When it happens i feel like everything is going wrong and i need to get checked immediately.\nFor the last week or two i have slight pressure in my head, occasionally i get the feeling i'm going to faint for a few seconds and it triggers anxiety. I have poor\nposture so could some of this have to do with the spine? Should i do a head MRI? \nJust to add i have mild tinnitus but with these symptoms it gets louder.\nI've had strong heartbeat for a long time, but since the holter, I've started to measure pulse on my neck constantly. Sometimes i only feel one thump, but\nsometimes i feel 2, like the opening and closing?- (I've read something about water hammer pulse, i'm not sure if that could be it). If the ultrasound was ok, should i just ignore the beats? Also i was pretty calm during the holter, should i do one more and try to be more anxious and do hard exercise? :P For the last few days I've been waking up few times in the night for no apparent reason.\nLast thing, just a while ago I've noticed a vein on my right temple, just where the hair starts. It's not visible but i can feel it and i haven't noticed it before. Should i get it checked? (I always find something to worry about).\nI've done blood tests, i always have neutropenia and lymphocytosis. CRP was higher last time, 0-5 it was 8.5.\nLiver enzymes, creatinine, fibrinogen, LDH isoensymes, ASMA, hsTSH, T3, T4, feritine, TIBC, cortisol - Normal.\nBasically gastroenterologist, immunologist, cardiologist, hematologist didn't find anything of concern.\n\nI know this is a mess but i have so much going on. I don't know if all of this can be caused by anxiety. I'm mostly worried about the occasional\nfast and/or strong pulse and the few second fainting feelings... I just worry about all the diseases and what tests should i get done next. Appreciate any reply.", "answer": "Cant explain your underlying problems, but your anxiety is clearly escalating. Try www.moodgym.org (computerised CBT - free) as a means to manage your anxiety levels.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5veer6", "comment_id": "5veer6"}, {"question": "When you haven't done something for several years and you realize why. [TW] self harm. Poetic? [TW-self harm].", "description": "Last night I was having a tough time.  When I say tough time, I mean checking bus shedules. Not to ride away, but to step off the curb.  I was used to my depression and emptyness.  I can normally supress my self hate through my medication.  A little booze if needed.  But it just was not working.  I opened my desk drawer as usual and saw my razor blades.    Usually I feel repulsed by them, but tonight was different.  I held them, then put them back away.  Not tonight I said.  I'm not that weak.  \n\n\nThen held them again, and decided who was working for ME? tonight.  I tried to put it back away, but as soon as I opened my drawer to put it away, I saw myself make a quick stab at my arm.  I was instantly discusted and ran from my room.  I hid in the bathroom as if nothing happened.  Surely if I hid here, nobody would ever know.\n\nI did it.  I broke my several year streak.  I hated myself.  Yet...I felt better than I could ever recall.  I felt lighter than my 180lbs and smiled.  Smiled and a tear of joy ran down my cheek.   My arm ached. But it was overcast by my joy.  This.  This was why we could not be friends.  This was why I removed this wonferful yet awful escape from my life.  This was why this \"friend\" had to stay in its cage.  While still smiling with joy and in tears i looked at my prior scars.  It was mere minutes before I was in a pool of tears filled with shame.  I felt again.  But at what cost?  I felt joy and hope.  But now I was filled with hate.  Now I wanted to lay in bed and never wake.  Now I wanted to bring my friend out again.  \n\nOnly.... we are not friends.  Friends help each other.  This was not help.  This is why we cannot be \"friends\" and you must remain in your cage.\n\nSigned yours truly.  RangerRickR.", "answer": "Sometimes we need a reminder as to why we don't let certain friends come around. They are manipulative and out for their own self interest and only want you to feel as it feels. You didn't break anything, your resolve was strengthened and showed you are stronger than its grip", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3ale8s", "comment_id": "3ale8s"}, {"question": "Is it normal to feel like this?", "description": "Every time my boyfriend says something about another girls looks, it kind of makes me feel insecure and it's not like me to feel like this. I'm a very attractive women and i get complimented a lot but he just has a way of making me feel insecure.  He says things like \"I'd bang her\" or \"She's so hot\" or \"i like girls with this type of body or hairstyle\" and I'll be the complete opposite. Usually it didnt bother me but it has started to over time. I usually just brush it off but its been getting to me latley. We have had a past and I felt like I was his second choice before and sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him. And come on ladies, no girl ever wants to hear how good looking her boyfriend thinks another woman is. \n   So i don't know, I kind of just wanted to vent because I dont want to bring it up to him because he'll probably just think I'm being crazy. Maybe it's just my ego feeding into these negative thoughts and i hate it. So any advice would help. Tell me I'm not the only one feeling like this lol. \n\nThanks for reading :) ", "answer": "he's crass and immature to talk like that", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wxjky", "comment_id": "6wxjky"}, {"question": "[16/M] How do I go about not hurting either girl[16(for both)]", "description": "So I asked a girl out, she said no. So then after the better part of 9 months have been spent on this girl, I move on to another girl, who seems to like me. Now, the first girl is showing signs of interest in me.\n\n**I still like her. How do I proceed without hurting either girl?**\n\nI don't want to just all of a sudden drop the second girl and go back to the first one, because I don't want her to feel as if I were just leading her on. Besides, she's a foreign exchange student who doesn't have many friends here, and I'm not sure if she'll come back next school year.\n\nHowever, I also don't want to just ignore the first girl, because this chance may not come again. Also, my family likes the first girl and we know her family more than the second.\n\n**Tl;dr** I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with the strings of love and family tugging from every angle.", "answer": "The first girl only likes the ego boost you give her. She's interested now because she senses you will no longer be fawning all over her. Run.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "15khjq", "comment_id": "15khjq"}, {"question": "[27/F] Does sex in general becomes dull after a few months in a relationship?", "description": "My work got a lot more stressful in the last few months. Since then I feel like I'm always tired, sex seems painful and generally I have lack in sex, not just with my partner but otherwise as well. What would be wrong? Does this happen with people? What should I do?", "answer": "nothing is new like new", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6lllhe", "comment_id": "6lllhe"}, {"question": "Important question for everyone", "description": "Judging by my research, most of the posts of depressed people who complain about lack of social skills and being unemployed in their mid or late 20s have to do with their social isolation - after finishing university they sit at home hopelessly wasting their lives (good if they also read books and study something, bad if they only play video games and watch porn), then they come to the point that it's important to do something - they start posting on forums like this and for depressed people, seeing that life is not that bad after all and they can still change everything, earn good wages and build a family (if they want to) in the future provided that THEY HAVE A WISH TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES WITH SOMETHING HEALTHY LIKE WORKING (job).\n\nNow the whole point of the thread - question - how do these people start working if (also judging by my research) nobody hires you with bad social skills, nobody gives you a chance?\n\nBut on the contrary i see that people with bad social skills also manage to find jobs - even in sales - , plus there are a lot of professional degree requiring jobs for people with not-so-good social skills (just google jobs for introverts): all jobs in IT, economists, analysts, actuaries, engineers, scientists, etc.\n\nIf it's true then there's something wrong with my research, it means that people with bad social skills CAN also find jobs and that's the answer to my question, otherwise if they finished both school and university and got no more places to socialize and increase one's social skills except at work (where they can't get hired) then they failed in life and it's pretty much over for them.\n\n", "answer": "You're pretty spot on with most of what you're saying here.  Good job.  \n\n\nTo answer your question of \"How do these people start working if nobody hires you with bad social skills?\"\n\n\nWell you basically answered your own question.  There are plenty of jobs that are not dependent on having great social skills.  Basically any job that has more to do with creating something material, working on projects independently that don't require much social interaction.  With jobs like these employers are more interested in skills, knowledge, and experience.  While good social skills are always sought after, it's not a higher priority in some professions.\n\n\nOne more thing to keep in mind.  There is a very big difference between not having good social skills and having very bad social skills.  Someone lacking good social skills may be anxious in conversations and expressing themselves verbally, communicating effectively while working on team projects vs someone with bad social skills who are frequently insulting people or making racist/misogynistic/homophobic/etc. remarks or flying off the handle and yelling at bosses or colleagues.  Doing things that would reflect poorly on the company's image.  In most cases, you're not going to get hired if you show signs of poor social skills because it's not worth the risk to the company.  \n\n\nFortunately, I don't think the majority of the people fall into the extreme of poor social skills but rather the former of lacking good social skills.  Many people lacking social skills often have issues with social anxiety which  tricks them into thinking it'll be impossible for them to be hired.  That way they don't have to face their anxiety and go on interviews or deal with the anxiety working a job creates.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8plpec", "comment_id": "8plpec"}, {"question": "Risk of seratonin syndrome with these two anti anxiety meds?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: female\nHeight: 5'8\"\nWeight: 130 lbs\nRace: white\nDuration of complaint: a couple months\nLocation: Naperville Illinois\nAny existing medical issues: anxiety and digestive issues\nCurrent medications: Nortel birth control and 40 mg Prozac\n\nHi,\nI've been on Prozac for probably about ten years. A few months ago, my doctor prescribed me 5 mg of buspirone to take a couple times a day as needed. I didn't start it right when she prescribed it because I had a very rigorous internship at the time and couldn't afford to be drowsy or suffer any side effects. Since then, I've scared myself out of taking it after reading online about the possibility of seratonin syndrome. I've seen websites that say you should never take the two together but my doctor didn't even mention the risk. Does this dosage combination sound ok? Thanks!", "answer": "The combination is used routinely. I can find a case report of buspirone and fluoxetine *maybe* causing serotonin syndrome, but it's rare enough that a single case was worthy of publication.\n\nI have seen patients taking twice as much Prozac, more than twice as much buspirone, and still be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b8dd0b", "comment_id": "b8dd0b"}, {"question": "Does anyone else actually have (almost) no friends?", "description": "It's hard to not feel worthless when you really don't have any \"social value\" to anyone. Trying to reach out to old \"friends\" but they ignore me \ud83d\ude1e texting someone about my depression and she ignores me too \ud83d\ude2d don't even get me started on the many times I've tried asking people to hang out", "answer": "Maybe try getting out there and making new friends.   Volunteering is a great way to start.  But I feel you.  I o my have a few close friends left and don\u2019t see them often enough.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9mr217", "comment_id": "9mr217"}, {"question": "Is therapy useful for treating feeling no emotion?", "description": "I've seen a few therapists and it seems like they focus on helping people with not feeling sad or anxious, but my problem is that I don't feel anything at all, no happiness, no sadness, no stress. I just feel nothing. The therapists I've seen don't really seem to understand me, they still treat me as if I still feel anxious or sad. Is it even possible for therapy still help with this?", "answer": "That's a pretty common issue, even if not \"no emotion \" many people only seem to feel anger and happiness. This is a major theme in anger , abuse and general men's therapy work. \n\nThere are lots of tools and techniques that are useful for identifying emotion.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ho3vv1", "comment_id": "ho3vv1"}, {"question": "Strip clubs are a deal-breaker for me (25F). Am I being unfair/controlling to my bf (25M) of 6 years?", "description": "I have been with my SO for 6 years and we're both 25. He hasn't expressed any desire to go, but the topic came up recently because of his brother's second wedding and possible bachelor party. \n\nI don't want to control him, and I don't want him to miss out on bachelor parties especially if it's his siblings/close friends. I know going to strip clubs is the norm, but it really bothers me. Sex is a big part of our relationship, and I can't imagine feeling the same way about him if I knew he had just gone to a strip club and received lap dances/touched another woman/etc.\n\nI know it's possible to go and not get a lapdance, but with alcohol involved, it's never going to be a guarantee. I don't know what I should do. I guess it's hypothetically speaking at this point as he hasn't even been invited to one yet. But he has brought up that if he was invited to a bacherlor's party and they ended up at a strip club, it's clearly out of his control. But I just know that if he did go, I wouldn't feel the same way about him afterward. I'm not really sure if this is something that can be compromised because I want him to enjoy bachelor parties but it's impossible for me to be ok with it if strippers are involved.", "answer": "you either trust him or you don't", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ybpt4", "comment_id": "6ybpt4"}, {"question": "6 Months of Sobriety - Starting my life over again @ 31 years old", "description": "I am a 31 year old male living in the okanagan and want to share my story, the good, bad and gruesome. This account is a throw-away for obvious reasons as i  am going to share something extremely personal and something i had hoped would never come to light, Hopefully this will help someone stay sober as the  results of extreme binge drinking will become evident here. I am using a VPN and TOR to upload these pictures to protect my future from my past. \n\n   \n\n\nNever imagined it would be possible for me to get to 6 months of sobriety, i had resigned to being an alcoholic and thought if i could just drink myself to  death i would not have to deal with any of the repercussions. I worked up in northeastern BC on the Alberta boarder my entire life, the oil boom made sure i  was never wanting for work. Three years ago my drinking was out of control but i could function, i ended up getting a 3rd DUI after sitting in my car in the  parking lot of a bar laying out rails of cocaine, i wasn't done drinking but i knew i would get cut off soon if i didn't have some resemblence of a human  being. I drove a old peice of shit car miled out and never maintained, it was unreliable. I had a \"jump\" battery pack i used in place of the actual battery  as the alternator failed to produce enough power to keep the vehicle charged, or i had a drain. I had chalked up two lines on my center console before a  undercover pulled infront of me and lit up. i quickly brushed the cocaine onto the floor and threw the baggies i had in the passanger footwell (it was a  rolling garbage can, shit all over) i got picked up with \"Due care and control\" of being in a running vehicle.\n\n   \n After this i couldn't make it to work anymore  and conseqently lost my job, seeing as cocaine was so cheap and i was a responsible adult i had virtually no money left. This halted my drinking but i  started to get chest pains so i went to the doctor and was advised to cut back on the drink then quit. what he said scared me enough it worked, for 113 days  i was sober. During that short stint i got a job, was praised for my work ethic and made real progress. I worked at a BCHydro Substation for three months,  subcontracted out as a equipment operator.\n\nI met a old oldboy welder named Norm F. who i still think to this day was sent by my higher power, his hands  we're gnarled and unlike anything i had ever seen, he said he welded for years without gloves. We got to talking and got on the subject of sobriety, he told  me his story of being an alcoholic, losing his wife and kids with his fasination for the bottom of a Royal Reserve whiskey bottle. In the short amount of  time i had known him i found him to be genuine and kind almost to a fault. He was an AA Sponcer and suggested i go to a meeting or two, i agreed but secretly  thought i had it under control thus i never followed through. \n\nHe had convinced me to go back to school and pick up a trade, natually i went with welding as i  enjoy building things. During school my life was going so well and it held so much promise that i figured it would not hurt to reward myself after my first  week with a 6 pack, as you can guess over the following 7 months of school it became routine again. I ended up completeing my course with an average test  score of 93%, would of been higher if some of the questions were not wrong. After school i got a job at a Welding/Fab shop in my town, 90% of welding is  fabrication and fit, not something they teach you in school so the learning curve was massive. I started at 18$ an hour (average starting wage for around  here) and was promised a 2$ raise in a few months, i worked with a short,insecure and aggresive shop forman who would shittalk the employees to the boss on a  regular basis.\n\n   \nI found this to be routine and ignored it as common workplace practice for him. Over the following 10 months of working there i had my welding  machines fucked with and my fabrication jobs very vague in detail. Small mistakes became end of the world scenario's, by this time i was drinking everyday  after work, 12 beers of strong beer or more. Would come in the morning and reek like booze but never noticed, my jobs started to entitle less  welding/fabrication and more gathering and cutting material, cleaning and the like. My raise was continiously put off for months on end. \n\n   \nOne day me and  another student from my class who was working there went out to a shut down rig with the owner of the welding company to do some welding. Soon as we got there i was  told by the owner \"You are not getting a raise yet\", oblivious to the reasoning and again rather than welding i was brought to do 90% of the prep work for  the other employee. I had left a tool in the snow and got chewed out by the boss for this,  how other people would get fired for this at other shops etc, during the ass chewing and jerks back, rails me in the face with his fist and falls flat on his ass. He appologies profusely, he slipped on a rig mat under the snow (metal with snow =  slippery). So needless to say i had a very shitty day, went home and drank till i blacked out, called in to work saying i was \"Sick\" and was told not to come  back, he will call when i can come back. After a week or so of drinking everyday till i blacked out i had twisted the story into a full out assualt in my  mind and he was the enemy and it was law (i dont know about this) that you had to give a raise after 6 months.   \n   \nI got a phonecall and came in, a new guy had  started and i just ended it right then and there. Said i quit, he was pleased and quickly wrote my hours down in my log book and stamped it. During this time  my car had completely ceased to work and had cracked something to the point oil was on the headers. I had no way to get to work even if i had work, thank god  i lived 5 blocks from the liquor store, i floated on what i had left and drank for a solid 3-4 months before i went looking for work. First place i went to  was another welding/fab shop and was hired right off the bat no need to check references. (oil boom, yay!)   \n\n\nI was tested out in the fab shop with yet another,  small bitter angry old man with the same name as my last shop forman, this guy was a raging alcoholic. He rode me trying to belittle me as much as possible  as not to \"Outshine him\" i guess, he lacked any welding tickets. After a few altercations he gave me space and respect, from there i was given more responsibility and outside service for the first time. Learning curve was steep, i had rig tool pushes (rig formans) yelling at me constantly because i was  charged out at 140$ an hour. this created a very stressful environment and consequently more alcohol, i was always on call for this job since rigs run 24  hours a day. I would get calls from my boss (who was a great guy to work for) but be too shitfaced to pick up and do what i know he was calling me to do.   \n\n\nThis went on for about 4-5 months before my drinking became all consuming, i was always sick...  i feigned of all things stomach cancer. And got him to lay me off, i got my  Welfare/EI cheques and started drinking constantly. for almost 8 months I drank till i blacked out, and passed out on my mattress in my shitty trailer with  my shitty life. grief, remorse and failure consumed me and made me isolate avoiding family and being visibly angry at the presence of anyone i never expected. My shitbox trailer became a shameful sanctuary away from the hateful world which i refused to participate in, it was falling apart around me and i never gave a shit because it didn't matter. i had a 60oz bottle of vodka in the freezer and Maceroni and Cheese, it was a good day today and thats how i  lived, tunnel vision.   \n\n\nDuring my 8 months of drinking i had burned through all the employment insurance time i was allotted and stopped paying bills (like land  tax/home insurance/Medical/Pad Rent/Morgage, i paid for internet, electricity and utilities) it came to the point that i had to pay or get evicted. My father  came in and co-signed in the morgage and linked our accounts. my main account was overdrafted $-1200.00 at this point and i had bills to pay. at first i put my  fathers account into overdraft just enough to cover the pad rent/morgage while i looked for work, i talked myself into needing a few drinks to loosen up  before calling about a job. I started again, and decided to drink myself to death and during this time i had maxxed out my fathers account. He only noticed when the bank called him about a $-2,974.00 overdraft on his account.   \n\n\nThis was just in the beginning of december last year, i was confronted about the massive overdraft and the results we're  admitting i had a drinking problem and to seek help. i tried stopping but got sick, i tried cutting back but it didn't work anymore i couldn't control myself, a week later i was asked if i wanted to ride with my father and go 1100km south to have christmas with my mother. i was reluctant at first knowing it  would be very tough but i figured maybe i could stop for two weeks and then tough it out again when i get back and get it \"under control\" I agreed.   \n\n\nDecember 18th the day before we leave i figured this was going to be it, so i will drink all i have left and then sleep 90% of the way there. I drank a 40oz bottle of alberta pure vodka and  blacked out early afternoon, in the morning my father pulled up in his white dodge and knocked on my door. I wake up angry because i am confused, i see him and remember. He doesn't say a word after looking at me through the window of the door, and walks back to his truck. I do my morning blitz/routine and put on my shoes to follow, i get in the truck and pass out again thinking 20 seconds of mouthwash (that i swallowed) would mask any evidence of last nights activity.  \n\n\ni brought no clothes  or presents with me because it never even occured to me through the haze. My father said nothing about it and we left with me sleeping in the passenger seat,  I had no idea at the time that this was actually a rescue mission. i woke up about 5-6 hours later half way there and realised my mistake, but never said  anything. my old man just happened to turn off the highway to get a coffee shortly after i woke up.    \n\n\nWe arrived at my mothers and was greeted with outstreched  arms, the first few days i got sick then better. we talked about my drinking problem and i laid out my plan which would have NEVER worked, she asked me to stay 1 month and go to a rehab program. i balked at the idea internally, i figured i just needed a 2 week break to get ontop of it. I was planning on turning it down and going back up north with my old man when he returned.    \n\n\nThen i got a call from a very close family friend around my age, he got addicted to  fentynal (opiate) and was doing a 9 month rehab program that he was 2 months into. I had seen him shortly before when he was in the hospital for a 2nd  attempt at taking his own life. A husk of a human, broken and dead, but over the phone i could physically feel his relief and enthusiasm it was like he was  sending positive energy through the phone and it changed how i was feeling. We talked for some time and he convinced me to stay and accept effectively saving my life. i went through rehab down here, went to AA meetings and was blown away with the kindness and understanding of these perfect strangers, I could see  myself in everyone's story.   \n\n\nI stayed down here for 3 months before i headed back up north, but this time it was to gather my belongings and clean out my  trailer for sale. When i got within 100km of my old home town i felt the old familiar weight, when i got back to my trailer and [saw how i was living it was  a mindfuck.](http://imgur.com/a/pV9JB) How could i feel this is all i deserved? How was i ok with this? I started cleaning everything out, 3-4 truckloads of  shit hauled away before i had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I could not handle looking back on my previous life, i could not disassociate it  with myself and i couldn't understand how i never saw it or chose to ignore it.    \n\n\nI have been down here for 187 days now and i have got back my life back, i  have sent out dozens of resumes however with no references for obvious reasons, i only got one call back for a fabricator position and i had a trial period in which i was never welding nor fabricating, just monkey/labour work. Never got a call back, so i guess they got two days of free labour. I just returned from my old  home town after signing the papers to put it up for sale however the oil slump will effectively leave me with nothing, but good riddance. My Life is on the  up and up, i am looking forward to finding work and earning enough to start a small one person business in the not-so-distant future. I have hope now,  something which i forgot about and to live life without it again is unthinkable to me.   \n\n\nI know there is going to be someone out there that will see this and  think only about the differences between us, but i ask that you stop and count the differences and the similarities. Which had the bigger number? you might never go down as fast as i did but make no mistake, we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful.\n\n\nTL:DR Lost job #1 Got sober, went to school got a trade, started drinking again, spiraled out of control, lost job #2. lost job #3. Drank Harder, stole from family. Drank more. Went to mothers for the holidays. Got a new life for christmas. ", "answer": "The seriousness of addiction cannot be overstated. It is life or death. For as long as you live the most important thing that you do will be to decide to not drink today. For someone with alcoholism marihuana is just as dangerous because it can lower your defense against the first drink. Similarly anything that could possibly lead to drinking must be conferenced with trusted advisors. Overtime if you develop a commonsensical way of life you will go days and weeks without thinking of drinking. Developing friendships with other sober alcoholics in AA and helping others get sober will give you insight into what you have gained by not drinking.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3b1lsf", "comment_id": "3b1lsf"}, {"question": "Can't tell if shes ignoring me or just busy", "description": "So I met this woman through a friend of mine and the first time we met we clicked, end up talking and dancing with her all night. I get her number and we go out and it goes amazing, next time i saw the friend who I met her through and he was telling me how much she enjoyed our time together, we go out a couple of more time each one seemimg better than the last, we have plans for a 4th date and a couple of days before she calls me up and says she has to cancel (shes a lawyer and had a big case and was super busy) a week goes by and I didn't hear from her so I figured we were done, I then get a call from her saying that the trial is over and she really wants to see me again we make a date and go hiking everything seemed to be great she wanted to hold hands while we walk and evne said that she feels incredibly comfortable with me and that it suprised her how fast we got to this point. We continued talking regularly after that and on our next date we go to a movie, again she always wantes to hold hands as we walked and pretty much spent the entire movie cuddling with me, driving her home she brings up the fact that my birthday is in a month and that we should do something, then starts asking me about my schedule for the rest of the week so on a Wednesday we make plans for friday I said that I'd like to cook her dinner and she gets a little giggily and say no man has ever done that for her, I kissed her goodnight and headed home (we started kissing on the 2nd date and it seemed like we escalated that everytime we saw each other after no sex but more contact) she even asked me to let her know when I got home. So the day of the date comes and I get a morning text from her saying verbatim \"hey im not gonna be able to do tonight\" and that was it all i texted back was \"ok\" I called her a 5 days later agter not hearing from her she didnt pick up I left a message just saying \"hey its B just seeing how you are\" that was 3 days ago. She had told me that she has a race soon I was gonna text her the day after and ask how the race went but don't know if I should or should I just leave it be a see if she ever gets back to me", "answer": "The ball is in her court. Keep living your life. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f10v1", "comment_id": "6f10v1"}, {"question": "[29/f] with [36/f]--Infidelity issues?", "description": "I literally have no one I can talk to about this. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We got engaged in December. Last August, I found out that he had naked pictures of a girl from his hometown in his phone. I also learned that a month before I moved in, he had hired a prostitute who had come to the apartment that we now share, on the bed we now sleep in. When I confronted him, he sobbed and bowed and scraped and begged me to stay, and I did, because I love him and I know he's a good guy. Things were good for awhile, but this past week, I found more pictures of girls in his phone: Apparently he's belonged to one of those sugar daddy websites since two months after I moved in and has been visiting it regularly and has been messaging with a few different girls. Also, his search history on his computer and phone are just hundreds of pages of prostitutes in our area. I don't know if he's actually done anything, but this is pretty bad, right? I know I need to confront him, I know exactly what to say, I have the evidence ready...but I don't know if I should leave. Is it worth leaving if I can't prove sex? He's my whole life, sadly enough. I moved to another country for him, left my family, my friends, and made a new life here. I don't know if I can start over again. Looking for advice. Please be brutal; I need brutal.\nThanks.", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of two things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5s5817", "comment_id": "5s5817"}, {"question": "Stuck in a relationship, unhappy and unable to break up [27/m]", "description": "We've been together for 4 years now, living together for 3 years (she's 25/f, I'm 27/m). I never had strong feelings for her, never worked for it, never tried really hard, never made big romantic gestures or anything. She fell in love with me and kinda stayed there without demanding much from me. Living together happened very casually, too. We never talked about our feelings or anything. I never said I love her. Being a kind, gentle and selfless person she is, she just stayed beside me, never demanding much in return. \n\nWe tried to break up a few weeks ago. I was gradually pushing her away and trying to gently suggest we should maybe break up. I never had the balls to actually say this directly, but she picked up the clues.\n\nBut, after a single day I jumped right back into the relationship. After being together for so long it just felt wrong, I was miserable. I cried like a fucking baby. We both did.\n\nI took this misery as a signal that we shouldn't be breaking up. I took it as a sign that maybe the right thing is to stay together and try to fix this. I now realize that maybe I couldn't handle the negative emotions typical for a breakup and got cold feet about the whole thing. I was happy for a day to see things get normal again and see her smile, but then went back to being unhappy and utterly confused.\n\nI.. don't think I have a specific question. I just wanted to get this out and see what happens. Any advice is appreciated.", "answer": "No contact. Like a healing scab that itches. Can't scratch it off and start over. One month of cold turkey/no contact and you're in the clear.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6xzfvc", "comment_id": "6xzfvc"}, {"question": "Engaged 6 years- can't get him to pull the trigger", "description": "My (35F) fianc\u00e9e (42M) and I have been engaged for 6 years- and I am finally getting antsy about getting married this past year. Originally we put it off because of family drama, and we were constantly busy with major life changes (moves, jobs, ill family). Now I just want it to be done- I don't care about a wedding, just a small ceremony with just us or 1-2 people where we can take pictures. He's been on the fence, for a while he didn't want to get married, now when prompted he says \"we probably need to.\" He says that in his head we've already been married, he calls me his wife, he wears a ring. But then says there's no need to get married unless we are going to have kids. \n\nWe just finished a tropical vacation that would have been perfect for an elopement. I brought it up twice, but didn't want to push. He says later he didn't realize I was really serious. \n\nI'm tired of this. I want to have kids, I'm getting older. I have a great job, he doesn't have to work as long as I am working, and I plan to keep working. He's a stay at home kinda guy, already taking care of the house, and I don't think he wants to work.  I want to be with him and I don't want to do the ultimatum thing, but I'm starting to resent that I feel like I might have to. \n\nAdvice please? What do I need to do, or what am I not seeing?", "answer": "my rule of thumb::  after a year, if it's a forever rel., then get engaged and set a marriage date within a year tops.  if someone won't do that, and you want do, then you must question their sense of commitment.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vy672", "comment_id": "5vy672"}, {"question": "Stigma", "description": "So I been noticing that people see people with BPD as This horrible person who's abusive and violent or lack of remorse? Umm wth? Not all people with BPD are even close to what you describe us. This is just people generalizing a group of people. I have BPD I've never in my life have done any drugs, Alcohol,smoke nor done violent crimes.\nI am a very caring,friendly person. I love to laugh be around animals and such. Overall I'm just a normal person like everyone one else. I do not like to see this spread of misinformation by people who aren't actual psychologist or psychiatrist. ", "answer": "Borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder?", "topic": "mentalillness", "post_id": "9a4wph", "comment_id": "9a4wph"}, {"question": "Update about mood swings + has anyone taken Prozac?", "description": "A couple of people wanted me to update about my [previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/47bhtk/possible_cyclothymia_or_just_normal_bpd_mood/) so here goes.\n\nI didn't get a concrete answer about the cyclothymia, and I didn't ask because I didn't want to misdirect the psychiatrist. My general \"low\" disposition has also been around since I was 13 or 14, so she thinks it could be dysthymia. She didn't really mention the \"high\" periods so... idk I guess she just didn't think it was a big deal. Not much of an update, sorry guys :(\n\nAnyway, I'm taking 10mg of Prozac per day for 2 weeks, after which we'll do a review and she'll adjust or switch the medication accordingly. She thinks it'll help me think less negatively. DAE have experience with Prozac? Thank you!", "answer": "The prozac levels me out a bit.  It doesn't fix everything by any means, and Lexapro might have helped more, but I think it's worth it. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "48wu7g", "comment_id": "48wu7g"}, {"question": "21F With Psychiatric/Cognitive Issues and Severe Fatigue/Physical Symptoms", "description": "I have successfully managed mental health issues for several years now, but have been experiencing other symptoms recently; below is a timeline of everything. I'm not sure if all of those things are related, but I believe they might be.\n\n**Always:**\n\n*Digestion:* constipation.\n\n**13 years ago (age 8):**\n\n*Mood:* depression and OCD.\n\n**10 years ago (age 11):**\n\n*Sleep:* can't sleep most nights without prescriptions and sometimes still can't even with them.\n\n*Mood:* intense anger in response to specific sounds (misophonia).\n\n*Eyes:* sensitive to light.\n\n**2 years ago (age 19):**\n\n*Fatigue:* tired and dizzy; usually need to lie down because I can't hold my head up. My brain feels heavy and sticky, like it's coated in syrup, especially after eating any food or taking pills/vitamins. It's hard to focus and follow detailed directions.\n\n**A few months ago:**\n\n*Eyes:* I feel the compulsion to blink a lot, and sometimes when I blink with too much pressure, a random part of my face feels shooting pain for several seconds.\n\n*Muscles:* always feels like I'm recovering from a strenuous workout when I move, especially in my legs; the muscles feel heavy and sticky like my brain. My feet occasionally go numb and get pins and needles. Sometimes it's difficult to stand without bending my knees.\n\n*Bladder:* sudden urge to go right when I'm about to fall asleep.\n\n*Digestion:* stool is often in one piece.\n\n*Jerks:* knees, arms, and chest flex suddenly; my mouth opens and my tongue sticks out. Often after meals and in response to changes in sound, light, or movement.\n\nI am 5'3 and 105 pounds. I take Pristiq for depression/OCD, Seroquel for sleep, Synthroid for hypothyroidism, and a multivitamin. I don't drink or do recreational drugs.\n\nWithin the past two years, I've seen a primary care doctor, psychiatrist, gastroenterologist, endocrinologist, and neurologist. They gave me numerous blood tests, an MRI, and test for seizures, but only found that I have hypothyroidism; my thyroid levels are now normal with the Synthroid.\n\nThank you for reading my long post; I will appreciate your input.", "answer": "Any trauma history of personal significance?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "g8ups9", "comment_id": "g8ups9"}, {"question": "Please voice your ethics views for this situation.", "description": "I\u2019m trying to gauge how ethical this situation is.\n\nMy friend\u2019s mom passed away last September after fighting cancer for 3 years. Their parents were happily married for 29+ years and had 4 children, all of which are 22+ years old. Their dad\u2019s been having a rough time since her death. He\u2019s always been an emotionally reserved person but in past few months has opened with his children, voicing his grief and how much he misses their mom, even saying how catching covid-19 wouldn\u2019t be so bad because he could be with his wife again.\n\nTo the surprise of the family, he very recently announced that he's seeing a woman. This woman is an acquaintance of the family, and a licensed grief counselor in our state who just finished their masters degree. She is \u201chelping him through his grief\u201d and wants to have one on one sessions with his children. Their mother wasn\u2019t fond of this woman and suspected that she was attracted to the dad.\nThis whole situation is rubbing me the wrong way. Their dad is a very Christian man and was incredibly devoted to his wife, but is in a very vulnerable and lonely state.  It feels like she is using her title and training as a grief counselor to take advantage of a very vulnerable man. \n\nIs this wrong? The whole situation feels incredibly unethical but I would like the views of her fellow counselors/psychologists", "answer": "I don't know the grief counselor code of ethics . However,  the APA code says that people cannot have a sexual relationship with a client or the direct relative of a client .  Now , if she is offering support as his girlfriend and using her skills and training , that may not be a direct violation.  If there is an actual therapeutic relationship,  it is probably outright unethical.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gs4t62", "comment_id": "gs4t62"}, {"question": "[25/M] Confused and concerned about regression in long term relationship with [25/F]", "description": "For context, I have been with my girlfriend for just over 6 years now after we met at University in the UK. We lived together in our final year (when we had been together for two years). We subsequently had 6 months about 3 hours (distance) apart when I moved home to look for a new job, and I then moved back about 40 minutes away (we would have potentially moved in together at this point but it didn't work with flat contracts/terms etc., and it was not quite right for commuting).\n\n\nThat was all completely fine, and our relationship has worked for the last few years. Because it was so little distance and I drive, we have been able to see each other every weekend and often on weeknights. This was a little frustrating as it was one sided with me travelling to her a lot more regularly than the other way round, but it worked okay and I accepted it. \n\n\n I had been looking (and interviewed) for positions that resolved the commuting problem recently and we often talked about sorting out moving in together again. I have been keen to push the latter as I've felt a bit frustrated that our friends seem to have all progressed to this (our friends who have met at uni have either  moved in together or married, and I'm not saying I'd expect or want the latter yet  but it's a considerable difference).\n\n\nThen all of a sudden, she was promoted at work and she has moved two and a half hours away (the role required location). I'm pretty mad about it, because she accepted it without speaking to me and when I challenged her on it she said we were both driven, needed to pursue careers etc and she just thought I would understand. It is quite a small promotion and although I'm pleased for her, she could have easily found work on similar money where we were based. One extra frustration is that we are both very easy going, and this hasn't progressed to a proper row or anything. Really she just apologised and said we would make it work.\n\n\nI'm now worried that two months in  it *isn't* really working. I feel like I'm making the extra effort I was making before, but it's further. I feel a bit undervalued and taken for granted, and that  the relationship is drifting. Because we are seeing each other a bit less (not weekdays etc.) it feels like another regression on top of the previous one where we weren't living together. I'm also a touch worried (only a little) about how it's going when we visit. We're having less sex, which although partly borne out of not seeing other as much (I get that) she doesn't seem so bothered when I visit (say I haven't seen her for two weeks and come down for a weekend, we'll have sex once and she'll reject further advances which very rarely happened before). Otherwise though, our relationship is pretty healthy when we are together and we're both happy. Our friends wouldn't expect there was a problem at all and I still love her to bits. I'm still worried though and the whole thing has made me less happy. \n\n\nI want to fight for it as this is something we have built for a long time and I'm not sure whether I should really make it so we properly argue it out, which we have never done. I'm scared I'm going to find out she doesn't want to fight for our relationship.\n\n\nThe obvious solution would be to move towards her when my current job's contract ends (not for 6 mths).  I could do that, but it feels a bit weak on my part and what's to stop her moving again? The industry I work in is also heavily based where I live, and it feels like it would be sacrificing *my* career if I then did that.\n\n\nI think I'm asking for advice on how I can feel better about the situation, if I should really have it out with her (I'm scared where that will lead), if I should be moving etc. I can't get my head right at the moment. Thanks in advance.\n\n**tl;dr** My girlfriend and I used to live together, we sacrificed this for work with the intention of moving in together again down the line but instead she has moved further away and we are now going to be a medium distance couple despite being together for 6 years.", "answer": "hard to maintain, but true love overcomes anything", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6wr4bw", "comment_id": "6wr4bw"}, {"question": "Need input from a parent who has lost a kid.", "description": "Preface: Not looking for \"Don't do it, this (insert bullshit reason) is enough to keep you going\" responses. Please save those for someone who isn't lost. I really just....well, title.\n\nLong story short (which, if need really be, can be elaborated via pm's) is that this IS going to happen, I just need to know how long I need to wait.\n\nI have a selfish reason that is keeping me going 'till around August-September. It is at this time that I will reassess and see if another month will be tolerable or not.\n\n**My question comes in here.**\nHow hard was it for you when you lost your child?\nI ask because my decision kinda rides on how my parents will take it, seeing as they're the main reason I'm still here. I'd like to not hurt them any more than necessary, but I know I'm dragging them down with me the longer I continue.\n\nSo essentially it comes down to: right now, after my selfish deadline, or (hopefully not, but if necessary) after they croak?", "answer": "The best answer I can give, really fucking hard.  It fucks you up like few things possibly could. You question everything you've ever thought about. It makes you think you failed as a parent and your kid hated you/did not trust you. It makes you think as if you deserved to lose your kid because you had been such a failure as a parent. ", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "659v7s", "comment_id": "659v7s"}, {"question": "I (F,19) have been in an incredibly confusing \"relationship\" with this guy (m,33) for 6 months.", "description": "This is an incredibly long story but I have no one else in the world to tell it to, and I need someone who knows both sides (for the most part) of this horrible story. I'm genuinely going to try to remember every detail and I appreciate anyone who reads through it. If you're sensitive to drug use please don't read this :(\n\n\n\nI'm 19. The man this story is about is 33 and we'll call him Nick just so it's easier to understand. We met last December at a gas station we both worked at. At the time, we were both in relationships and I thought nothing of him, really. We were pretty good friends and I thought he was cool, but that's as far as it went. Well, fast forward to this March/April; both of us split from our partners. He'd been seeing her for 4 years on and off and I'd been in a committed relationship with mine for 2 and a half years. So, middle of April, we started talking a bit more. I thought he was super funny, and just an all around cool person to be around. We started hanging out a little bit, I had a bonfire and some beers at his house with him and a few friends and it was cool, I was making new friends and having a good time. Then, one night, he asked me if I wanted to come over after work (we worked the same shift) for some beers, just the two of us. So I was like, sure, why not. So, we bought some alcohol and I met him at his house and we drank. And talked. For hours. This is important cause right here is kinda the turning point for everything, I think. That night me and him talked for SO long about EVERYTHING in our lives. I don't even know how to explain it, but it's hard for me to connect with people and I felt such a serious genuine connection with him in the short time that I'd been hanging out with him and it just hit me. I had feelings for him. Well, that night, we ended up getting kinda way drunk, we had sex, and I stayed the night at his house. That was the first of many.\n\n\n\nAfter this night we got super close. We talked all the time, and I guess I took it in the wrong way. At work we would eat lunch together, we'd hang out at his house all the time, and we did drugs together all the time. Yeah. I can't remember when that started, but he asked me if I wanted to do some pills with him while we were hanging out once, so, well, I did. And I never went back from it. We started doing drugs together just about every single day. We'd get high before work, during work, after work. But since we were doing that we ended up spending a lot of time together. \n\n\n\nAround May, I sort of told him I had feelings for him and he sort of told me too. That's what's so confusing about all of this. He ACTS like he likes me. We had a good time together even when were just hanging around drinking or getting high. I spent the night with him a lot. He always invited me to his parties and what not. Pretty much all through May-June and the beginning of July this is what we did. We were together ALL THE TIME. I used to visit him on his lunch breaks, I was at his house everyday, he used to call me in the mornings or before bed, we were just always together. He was the person I went to when something awesome or bad happened. The person I always told everything to at the end of the day. The person I trusted and quite literally the person I loved. Once and a while I would kinda try to bring it up to him that I had feelings for him. He usually just would respond with something like \"yeah I have feelings for you but I just don't want a relationship. Let's just keep doing what we're doing.\" It was weird. He'd tell me he loved me every time I left his house and always gave me a kiss. It FELT like we were together.. but.. we weren't. \n\n\n\nWell, sometime in the middle of July (or the end, I can't remember) I had sex with someone else. At this point he was just kinda ignoring me, not really giving me any attention and not acting like we were ever going to be together. I was upset and sick of it and the only thought I had was, well, if I have sex with someone else and he cares.. I guess he cares. So I did, I told him a few days later, and he didn't really say much about it. So I figured that was kinda it, nothing would ever happen between us.  Fast forward a few days after I told Nick about the guy I get a call from him. I was on my way to see the dude I hooked up with and he FLIPPED out. Like I'd never really seen him care about anything before, but was crying and everything. He was crying on the phone, he said \"I don't understand how you could go f*ck someone else if you say you love me,\" and stuff like that. And I was BAWLING. I apologized, told him I loved him, and went to his house instead. He told me it hurt him cause he did have feelings for me, and I just tried to explain that I DID, I just didn't feel like he did and was trying to not waste my time/move on. (You have to understand at this point he would ignore me for days and only hit me up if I had drugs. There's tons of little things that happened those past few months that he did to me that were just.. bad. I just don't have time to type it all out and no one wants to read all that. But it was just kinda my breaking point.) So, we just kinda made an agreement that we wouldn't see other people. I swear to you, I said \"just tell me that we're kind of together, and I wont even TALK to anyone else.\" And he said, \"yeah, I guess we kinda are.\" He kissed me and I went home and that was that.\n\n\nAfter that happened, I ended up writing a letter to him telling him how in love with him I was. He just told me he loved me too and the way I felt about him made him feel really good. At this point I GENUINELY believed he had feelings for me.\n\n\n\nSo August-September were pretty okay honestly. We kept in touch a lot and we stopped doing drugs as hardcore as we used to. We hung out sober sometimes and I still saw him a lot. He ignored me sometimes but I just kinda came to terms with it and accepted that I'd just have to let him treat me badly until he was ready. Strange, I know, but I thought someday it would get better, honestly. He was a pretty nice dude most of the time. Sometimes he got mad at me and sometimes he talked shit about me but I just... didn't care.\n\n\n\nOkay, almost done. The most recent thing that happened. I went on a trip about 3 hours from where I live for 5 days at the end of September. We kept in touch, he told me to let him know when I got there, call me when I could, relationship type stuff. We talked every day then I left early so I could see him. I went and picked us up some drugs then went to his house. Everything was pretty much normal. Well, I went up to our old work and saw some old friends and told them I was still kinda seeing Nick and what not and my friend goes \"you know he f*cked two girls while you were downstate, right?\" Well. No. I didn't. So I freaked out, I cried and I've been feeling HORRIBLE ever since that happened. Today is the first day I've talked to Nick since I found out, and I brought it up to him.\n\n\n\nI told him it hurt my feelings and that I loved him and that I just wanted to know what was going on. He said, \"I shouldn't have told anyone, it would've been better if you never found out. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation.\" Like no sh*t he did NOT care that I was crying and hurt. All I said was, \"I just want to know if you love me.\" And he said \"Yeah, I do love you. It was just a mistake.\" He told me he loved me, kissed me and I left. Now, I'm sitting here with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what is going on or how to feel.\n\n\n\nThings I want to clear up; first off, I know it's horrible that he only hung around me when we were getting high. I know that's terrible but I really thought underneath it all he cared a little bit. He's been an on/off addict for 7 years so I don't know. I just figured that's how he was, I guess. Second, he really did tell me that he had feeling for me on multiple occasions and he really truly did act like he loved me or at least cared for me. He told me he loved me all the time, like, ALL the time. Third, I'm fully aware that he's probably using me and he doesn't care all that much. Fourth, I genuinely do feel like I am in love with him and I have tried to move on but I can't seem to. Please just don't call me an idiot or anything, I know I am, it's just hard for me to feel real feelings for people and I felt it with him.\n\n\n\nPart of me wants to wait. I want to wait for us to get clean and get help and change ourselves and finally end up together. I think we could be good together and we could help each other. But... maybe not. Part of me thinks that'll never happen and we'll be stuck in this endless cycle of him ignoring me then popping back up and telling me he loves me. Part of me wants to get clean and drop him completely and change my whole life around. \n\n\n\nSo I guess what I'm asking here is a few things. Does/did he ever really have feelings for me? Should I stick around and wait for things to get better? Should I just stop talking to him completely and move on? What is even going on?\n\n\n\n\nTL;DR been in a weird \"relationship\" with a drug addict for a few months and I'm in love and lost.", "answer": "being in love with a drug addict is a recipe for disaster i'm afraid.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77a5fn", "comment_id": "77a5fn"}, {"question": "I just had to call a crisis line on my boyfriend", "description": "This is the third time in two months that he had to be taken away by the police to the hospital.   \n  \nFirst time he cut his wrist (was in the state hospital for about three weeks) - second time he got mad at me for trying to force him to take his meds he hadn't taken in three days went for a walk and took his clothes off in a construction site.(he was only out for three days) they kept him for about five. He came home last night and said this was going to be his last night alive. That he was going to die tonight and was acting erratic again.   \n  \nHe thinks \"demigods\" are after him, going to kill him, and there's nothing he can do to stop them. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to handle him and nothing will make him take his medicine when he gets out of the hospital. Has anyone had any experience with this?   Am I handling it incorrectly? I called before he actually did anything to attempt to hurt himself because he almost died last time of hyperthermia and I didn't want it to go that far.", "answer": "IOP and PHP might be options, but it sounds like he needs another long term stay and some kind of injectable meds, rather than oral. The most common one is Invega Sustenna. They give the first shit, then another in two weeks, and then once a month thereafter. It keeps from having to convince someone to take medicine every day. It also sounds like the hospital he's in isn't giving him medicine that is as effective as he needs. \n    \nNow, about you. Protect yourself. Physically and emotionally. People with psychotic disorders can be difficult to deal with, and you need to make sure that you keep yourself safe and mentally healthy first. You can't do much for him except be supportive and keep calling crisis, but the fact that you're there and doing that is more than a lot of people have. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wug3c", "comment_id": "1wug3c"}, {"question": "Why does talking about it help?", "description": "This is the question I kept asking myself when told by multiple people that talking about one's problems will help you feel better and resolve them more easily.  I did some research online and, while I found many sites praising the benefits of talking about one's mental health issues or day-to-day troubles, I couldn't find resources explaining exactly WHY talking helps. I did find one site geared towards councilors that had some information.  If anyone here would add to or comment on this list, I would interested to know more about it:\n\n How does talking help?\n1. The main benefit is the opportunity to speak freely about whatever troubles you, to be accepted and listened to properly. Few people really listen to us without wanting something in return.What you will be offered is a safe place where someone will attempt to understand what you are going through.\n\n2. Putting private thoughts and hidden feelings into words can be a huge relief.Openness and safety is very important in counselling and can bring some balance back into your life and create a sense of control.\n\n3. When we want to understand our behaviour, individual psychology can help a great deal. Using the counsellor as a guide, you can become more practised in exploring the way you think and feel, gaining more self-awareness.\n\n4. Sometimes we just need someone alongside us in our troubles. Talking can make us feel less alone when times are hard.\n\n5. Receiving feedback from a skilled listener puts difficulties into perspective, so that you can make realistic plans to tackle them. Not only will this restore your self esteem and confidence but give you a draft for overcoming problems in the future.\n\nThis is the challenge of counselling. It involves our facing making changes in the way we do things and having the courage to do so. It may feel risky at first but it is a way of finding our true selves and discovering our deepest resources.\n\nSource: http://www.counsellingnorthlondon.com/phdi/p1.nsf/supppages/1824?opendocument&part=3", "answer": "A professional therapist is trained in techniques that help you to process your emotions, retrain your cognitive and behavioral responses, reframe your state of mind, etc. While sometimes talking in and of itself can be cathartic, often it helps to have a trained professional who has tools to assist you reach your goals. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "23mk2k", "comment_id": "23mk2k"}, {"question": "Fiancee (ex?) has ptsd and found her cheating on me... don't know what to do...", "description": "My fiancee or ex now was humping a dude in my living room last night. Turns out she has been cheating since our daugher died. I imagine that may be a stretch for lenght of time but I know its true for the last few weeks at least. I am devistated and don't know what to think. She has been taking 8 zanex pills by snorting them a day and she is only supposed to orally take 3 a day. She has super bad ptsd and seems to have completely lost her mind. When I caught her it was like talking to a posessed woman. It was scary. I called the police and had her removed. Her personality changed from moment to moment. I don't know what to think about this. \n\nHow far can someone fall down the rabbit hole before facing their demons such as our daughters death? \n\nI am not to blame for her cheating as I am insanely good to her and her family and all her friends and my friends see how awesome I am to her. Not always silly and not always serious. I never suffocated her space or gave her too little attention. I helped her with getting her shit together and just loved her well. The guy she got frisky with is a pill popping ex meth head. She hates crack and meth. I know she is destructing. But how far can it go?\n\nI am scared for her and want to see her better. Is there a way I can put her in a institution that can help force her to stick with med plans and such? \n\nAlso, I am scared for myself in that this massive extra burden will crush me alive. I already have panic attacks and a kid dying and dealing with a fiancee with ptsd is fucking hard. Now I got to deal with kicking my ex out my life because I caught her cheating with someone I know she don't give a fuck about?\n\nI know they hurt the ones closest to them but how far does this go? What do i do? I am fucking lost as fuck.", "answer": "Wow, it sounds like she is seriously depressed and in self destructive mode.  Unless she is imminently suicidal or homicidal you probably can't force her to get hospitalized.   Dealing with her sounds stressful though, so I would seek counseling for yourself to see if you can't a) get some emotional healing going with a professional b) talk with a professional who may have experience helping people like your wife.", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "12cr6e", "comment_id": "12cr6e"}, {"question": "Heads been feeling weird for about 3 months. Now prescribed lexapro?", "description": "So long post but bear with me please. 26 Hisapnic Male 6 feet 220 lb\n\n   At the start of November I was playing basketball (i play about 3 times a week for years) and felt a weird feeling in my head that's difficult to explain. Not quite dizzy but just not right along with what felt like an elevated hear rate. I went home,  rested  and fell asleep. \n\nI woke up ok the next morning and went to work but soon headed to urgent care because the feeling in my head started again and I got cold and sweaty. Had an ekg done bp was fine and so was my glucose level so i got sent home as I soon felt better. That night i had to go to the er because i woke up to what I can only describe as strong waves of that head feeling and i lost sensation on some of my face and arm and i felt like i couldn't swallow anything. Got a ct done on my chest to check for blood clots had blood work ran and once again everything seemed fine and i felt better after a couple hours. \n\n I was told to follow up with my gp and take it from there. So My gp immediately thought they were panic attacks and prescribed me xanax to take at night. I took time off work for 2 weeks because of this but the rest and xanax  were not really helping at all (except for sleeping good throughout the night because of the xanax). I would randomly have that feeling in my head throughout the ongoing week and it would just wreck me. I would hug pillows and just close my eyes hoping it would go away. My gp than referred me to a neurologist to get his opinion and he ordered a ct of my head done and took me off of the xanax as he said he didnt think i needed it, and once again everything came out fine with the ct. \n    \n\n   Over that time I started feeling better but would still  get that sensation in my head although not as strong (although now accompanied by tiny headaches on my temple). My gp than put me on 10 mg of propranolol to try out and I basically took that for a month and a half and honestly I don't feel like it made a difference. \n \n   Now its January and i'm tired of feeling like this and in this latest followup with my gp he says he thinks its anxiety/depression and prescribed me 10 mg lexapro but i dont feel like I'm depressed or anxious? I'm honestly hesitant on taking the lexapro but I'm willing to give it a shot as i'm just fed up with not feeling normal.\n\nI'm just wondering if it's normal to be prescribed lexapro for something like this?\n\n", "answer": "I think it reflects the fact that it's not clear what's going on. Escitalopram is a reasonable choice of drug to manage your reported symptoms, but id certainly keep an open mind about what is actually going on.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5p0tso", "comment_id": "5p0tso"}, {"question": "My boyfriend [19M] and I [19F] have been together for over three years. He's an atheist and I'm Christian, the longer we date the bigger of a problem it becomes. Does anyone know if we can make it work?", "description": "We start dating in high school and I think we both figured it wouldn't go anywhere so religious differences wouldn't be important. But as time went on, we obviously got more serious. We both love a good debate, and religion would get brought up and it always ended with me being very offended.  He always wondered how someone \"so smart could believe something so archaic\"\n\nWell we put religion aside, saying we would talk about it when it became an issue. Well now here we are, occasionally imaging our future together, and it's getting really complicated. \n\nIf we stay together, he wants religion to have no part in our wedding, our house, or in our potential children's lives. I've tried to come up with compromises. Maybe we get married by a pastor but not in a church? And maybe there can be an absolute minimal reference to anything religious in the ceremony? And in our home, I wouldn't seek out religious decorations, of course. But what about things I already own, with sentimental value. Like a painting with the lyrics to \"Amazing Grace\" on it that my grandma bought me? Or a little cross from my godparents? He suggested I have a \"religion room\" for these things, where it's only for me and anything religious does not leave the room because he doesn't want it in his house. And if we had kids. I've said I wouldn't make them go to church, they'd be welcome if they wanted. But I'd love them to be baptized. And he says no to that. He says no to any reference to religion. I cannot tell the hypothetical children anything about religion, or God, or Jesus, things that are all so important to me. He says I cannot brainwash the children. I just don't know how you can compromise on exposing a child to a religion but also not, in his words, \"brainwashing\" them. \n\nAnd today, in the conversation that prompted this post, he told me he doesn't, and will never, respect my religion. Am I overreacting for thinking that's a big deal? CN you have a successful relationship if one of the people disrespects a fundamental part of the other's identity?\n\nOur relationship is really great other than this, which is why we avoided the issue so long, and now it just seems massive. I really hope someone out there has some kind of advice. Is there a compromise we might be missing? Some perspective for one or both of us? We both really want it to work out but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can. \n\nAnd please, if you have any negative opinions about my religion, please save your time. I've a lot about what an idiot I am for believing it. How small minded and naive I must be. So please only contribute if it's actual advise about the relationship. \n\nTl;dr boyfriend and I have been together three years and are starting to legitimately talk about our future together. He's and atheist, I'm a Christian, and we've so far been unable to come up ugh compromises for how we live a life together. Any help?", "answer": "it won't work if your respective beliefs are the most important thing in the world to you.  anything below 'the most important thing' improves your chances commensurately", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5puirz", "comment_id": "5puirz"}, {"question": "Did our Paediatrician Breach Confidentiality? 2nd repost", "description": " \n\nThis happened yesterday. I Went to see my daughter's  Paediatrician about a sensitive issue. My daughter was with me and i told her i wanted to have a private talk with the doc. She wanted to know what it was about, agreed on a couple off-limits topics, and she agreed that she would be embarrassed to be in the room.\n\nI had my talk with the doctor, beginning with an explanation about why i sent my daughter out. The topic was definitely a sensitive one for my daughter. Something she is very ashamed of and doesn't want to get help with. Doc and I agreed on a game plan and brought my daughter in for the rest of the appointment.\n\nAfter examining her the doc said to my daughter \"i am your doctor and everything you tell me is confidential. I dont tell anyone what you say to me unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, or someone is hurting you. But your mom is not my patient and i can talk about what she said, and i am going to tell you that your mom is very worried about you. She told me about... \" he got into every detail of what i said - and that isnt relevant here. My daughter got incredibly upset, as did i. She was devastated at having to talk to a relative stranger about her darkest issues. Doc did not expect her response and apologised profusely for not asking my permission to share our conversation.\n\nIn the long run, it is better to get stuff out in the open. I get that, and i live by it. I am queen of TMI. My family refers to me as 'earthy' because i over share. But my daughter isnt like me. She likes her privacy and i want to respect that. On the other hand, the issue needs addressing. Did the doc breach confidentiality by sharing my private convo without my permission?\n\n2nd Repost with MORE required information. Because apparently the bot needs to know everything.\n\nMe: female. 40s Caucasion. North American descent. 5'3\". Non smoker.\n\nDaughter: female. 11yrs.  European/North American descent.  123lbs. 5ft. multiple allergies requiring an Epi-Pen. non smoker. no daily medications.  Possible Discalcula or Dyslexia (investigating).  ", "answer": "I think there's an argument to be made that the doctor did the wrong thing, but he did not breach privacy laws or professional ethics. Your daughter is his patient and is the one he owes confidentiality. He doesn't owe it to you. With adult patients there are doctors who argue that they *must* report any calls, conversations, or information given by outside sources, whether or not the doctor then acts on the information any further.\n\nThe difference here is that your daughter is a child. I'm not expert enough on the rules of pediatrics, although I know they're different. I still don't think the doctor was in the wrong, except in that it may have been distressing to you and your daughter for no gain. But that's a botched conversation, not an inherently wrong approach.\n\nAll that said, I'm not convinced I have this one right. It sounds like a bad situation in the end regardless of intentions or laws, and I hope he learned something and does better in the future, but it still probably makes things awkward between the two of you, and also between each of you and the doctor.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "99ohbn", "comment_id": "99ohbn"}, {"question": "Sleeping pills vs Chinese medicine/acupuncture for insomnia", "description": "I am a 21 y/o male, 140 pounds, relatively healthy. One week ago, I developed a need to manually breathe because it seems like my automatic breathing wasn\u2019t kicking in. Because of this, I can\u2019t go to sleep because I\u2019m manually breathing in bed, and when I try to forget about it, it\u2019s like my body doesn\u2019t breathe. My doctor perscribed me 10 mg propranolol for anxiety and 50 mg trazodone for sleeping. I\u2019m willing to try this, as I haven\u2019t gotten any sleep for the last week and am exhausted.\n\nHowever, my Chinese mom is very rooted in traditional Chinese medicine, and took me to a herbalist/acupuncturist who gave me some Chinese medicine  and acupuncture for insomnia. \nI am under the impression that Chinese herbs don\u2019t work and the acupuncture is just a placebo effect. My mom is very worried about side effects from my medication; so I have a few questions. \n\nWhat are the side effects of the mediciations I was perscribed by my traditional doctor? I was told that they are mild. Also, does traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture work? I\u2019m convinced I\u2019m just wasting my time. Can I take both the herbs and the medications?", "answer": "Propranolol isn\u2019t a great medication for long-term anxiety, not because it has serious side effects, but because it works better for episodic anxiety (like performance or public speaking) than constant.\n\nTrazodone isn\u2019t a sleeping pill. It\u2019s a medication that happens to be sedating, so it gets used off label for sleep. The common side effect is, unsurprisingly, being sleepy, including for longer than you\u2019d like.\n\nThere\u2019s no evidence to support acupuncture or traditional Chinese medicine here. For Chinese herbs specifically I advise an abundance of caution because I\u2019ve had patients think they\u2019re taking one thing and get something entirely different, including toxic and dangerous contents. There\u2019s no regulation or safety control.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "edvx5a", "comment_id": "edvx5a"}, {"question": "Long term relationships", "description": "I'm a [23M] and I'm wondering how to make a lasting relationship. My longest relationship was a year and a half. I've had many FWBs and dates, but I want something serious for the long term, what advice can anyone give me? ", "answer": "if you want a ltr, then go slowly sexually when you meet someone you like.  that way, you both have a chance to build substance and depth without being blinded my raw passion and biological drive.  if you've talked lots and gone on dates for a month or so, then initiate a discussion about your respective feelings.  if you both feel the same way, and want the same thing [an ltr], then you're at a pretty good starting point .", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wklm5", "comment_id": "5wklm5"}, {"question": "I just flushed my stuff", "description": "Day two, and I had my mason jar of shake just eyeing me. So I flushed it. Flushed my ash tray with roaches.\n\nI know I\u2019m gonna regret this later but today\u2019s day two and I\u2019m making a commitment to quitting. I\u2019ve done it before but this time I can\u2019t replace bud with alcohol. No vices. Just me.\n\nGod give me strength ", "answer": "It seems God has already given you the strength, my friend. Stay strong, we are all proud of you!", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "7sy4su", "comment_id": "7sy4su"}, {"question": "I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this possible?", "description": "I have been doing a lot of research on this topic, and I cannot seem to find anything relevant, but I think I have an elimination disorder that was never treated. Is this even possible?\n\n  \nI have had these issues since I was about 10 years old, but it was relatively infrequent (enough to cause stress for me, but I hid it often from my family who was always working).  I have always had urgency issues and I the only thing that makes me think that there is an elimination disorder is because I would also get very upset and void in my closet also, which wasn't an accident unlike the other instances.  These issues progressively worsened into high school (urgency/not making it and also dealing with anger/negative emotions that way occasionally) and have become out of control as an adult (obviously just urgency/not making it now).  I have been to a doctor, and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.\n\n  \nI have been to a doctor, who gave me a diagnosis suggested medication (I waited until I was over 18 due to confidentiality) and I also worked with a counselor who suggested these issues stemmed from psychological problems (I have had psychological problems since before grade school that my family ignored until adolescence).  I have been managing it by myself, but it is still hard to deal with and does inhibit my day-to-day functioning.  I would like to treat this to feel better, but as I am not sure what the cause is, thus I am not sure if I should address this medically or in therapy.\n\n​\n\nThanks for the feedback, like I said, I haven't been able to find literature on this in adulthood, so I figured I would give it a shot here.", "answer": "Hi \n\nI definitely suggest going back to your physician to develop a plan. A combination of physical and  psychological issues could be the cause . Because there is a physical component , it is important to start there.\n\nIf a patient came to me to deal with the psychological aspect,  I would insist on coordinating with a physician,  or at least reviewing records, to fully understand the extend of the medical condition.  \n\nAnother reason to discuss this with your physician is because your doctor may be able to recommend an experienced therapist in this area.\n\nGood luck .", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvnimz", "comment_id": "fvnimz"}, {"question": "Mono Diagnosis - Questions", "description": "Hello \u2014 I am an 18 year old male who is currently in college. I have been feeling ill for the past week. My symptoms have mainly been body aches, congestion, feverish chills and sweatiness (especially in sleep), a bad cough, a sore throat with puss spots on my tonsils, and some mild fatigue. The best way I can describe it is: much worse than the common cold, but not as bad as the flu. \n\nAfter a week of not feeling better and not feeling myself improve at all, I decided to get myself Checked out at a clinic here near my campus. I took a strep test which came out negative. The nurse then gave me a mono test via a blood sample and sure enough, i tested positive for mono. She told me this is very common on college campuses, and it can be contracted from sharing utensils and cups in the dining halls, to touching a doorknob that someone sneezed on, or obviously, from kissing. \n\nThe only person I\u2019ve kissed here at college is my girlfriend, and she did have mono \u2014 but she had it two years ago. I also read that I was likely infected with the Epstein-Barr virus like 4-6 weeks ago, which was when I moved into college and was constantly moving around and meeting people in this new environment. \n\nHowever, so far I haven\u2019t had any spleen or stomach issues (knock on wood), and I haven\u2019t been extremely extremely fatigued yet either. This lead the nurse to believe that I have somewhat of a mild case of Mono. \n\nSo, after being a week into the symptoms of this sickness, what are the odds that it gets worse before it gets better? How common are spleen complications? Should I expect to have nausea and vomiting? What other tips would you give to help treat Mono until I heal from it?\n\nThank you in advance for all of your help. ", "answer": "Infectious diseases aren't my field, and it's hard to predict the course of a disease. There's often a week or so of feeling almost sick, followed by a week or a few weeks of feeling sick, followed by a few weeks of feeling not completely better. I think there's a good chance that you got lucky and have only mild symptoms. You can just wait it out\n\nSpleen issues are most commonly swelling, which you wouldn't notice; splenic rupture  is serious but rare. I still would recommend avoiding vigorous activity or risk of getting hit in the abdomen for a month or so (hopefully you got more specific recommendations from your doctor/nurse). \n\nHopefully you just got a lucky case and you can put your all-but-inevitable mono infection behind you and move on to enjoying college!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9ma3ca", "comment_id": "9ma3ca"}, {"question": "Bulimia face", "description": "Has anybody here suffered from bulimia face? Swollen glands in their neck/throat? I feel like mine is getting worse and worse and my face getting puffier and puffier but I can\u2019t stop purging my food and I cry every time whilst purging cause I know I\u2019m making it worse. Does anyone know how long it takes to subside after not purging?", "answer": "Swollen glands, purple under the eyes, puffy cheeks\n\nOn top of hair falling out, nails breaking, and sore throats\n\nThis is not a pretty illness", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "f5nnta", "comment_id": "f5nnta"}, {"question": "Men, your thoughts when a Girl approaches You while being single.", "description": "When this person shows lots of interest in being with You. Starts having sex with You really quick without any effort. Start developing a RL with this... no effort to get what you want. She being always there for no reason.\n\nThis happened to Me. I could never feel in love with her, I knew she was but the RL felt sort of empty to Me. Again, never in Love. but as time passed started developing feelings for her. I  could never connect with this person intellectually since she was sort of empty. I always tried to show her new stuff but no interest... Never read a book, never told me her thoughts after watching a movie...\n\nShould I feel guilty since there was a LONG period of time in which she was very commited to me. Always checking up on Me, being there, loving me... being super jealous from start to finish for no reason. While I just said yes yes yes but never felt LOVE deep Love for her.  She left me 3 weeks ago since I noticed she was hiding her cellphone from me. Later truth popped, she already had a RL with another person while being w/ Me.", "answer": "What advice do you want?\n\nSounds like a thing occurred in your life that wasn't bad and wasn't the best thing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6f13om", "comment_id": "6f13om"}, {"question": "I just took a big first step, but I'm not sure what's next.", "description": "A bit of background first: For as long as I can remember, I've periodically felt heavy, down, sad, and completely unmotivated. Through middle and high school I regularly thought about escaping by ending my life. I'd be driving down the street and think about how I could just accelerate and run into that tree up ahead and it'd all be over. I thought leaving my parent's house and going to college would \"fix\" my problem, and it did a little, but I still fell into these down days. \n\nI found that being around other people, especially going out and doing something with them helped a lot and so I asked a few of my friends in the dorms to not leave me out. I've also always had an extremely high libido outside of those down days and sex always pulls me right out of my funk. So, I started sleeping around my freshman year and if I arranged for \"hanging out\" in advance, I always had a fallback if I was having a down day.\n\nBy leading with my vagina, I met my current boyfriend. So far, he's been the only person I've told about feeling so low, unmotivated, and trapped/helpless. Before I'd just smiled for everyone and pretended everything was ok (although, I think I pretended too well because my parents never even suspected when I could have really used some help and support). Shortly after we met, we started hanging out every day and soon my thoughts of suicide faded away. He's tried to be understanding and supportive, but when I suddenly fall into that pit of foggy darkness for no reason at all, he thinks it's his fault. We've talked frequently about me seeking help, but I never knew where to go and talking to new people (especially on the phone to set up appointments) is terrifying.\n\nWell, last Friday I went to see a therapist. She was really nice and I felt very comfortable talking to her and telling her about my life, but I was in a great mood. We talked a little about my down days, but I have trouble explaining it in words and I feel silly saying I sometimes feel horrendously sad when I'm smiling and feeling good. What if it's like when you take your car in for service or you go to the doctor and can't replicate the issue? How can she help me if she never sees me when I'm broken? I think I'm just still pretty anxious about continuing therapy and I don't know how to calm myself the fuck down.", "answer": "Congrats on taking the first step! Talking to people (friends, your boyfriend, and your therapist) is all really great for you.\nThe nice thing about therapy is that you don't just go in, show them the problem, and then they fix it. You build a relationship over time. So it's okay for the therapist to see you when you're happy- if for no other reason, so you both know how you'd like to feel more often. It's okay to tell her it feels weird, too. But I bet if you kept going for a little while you'd find yourself sharing some of your down feeling and thought. Just give it time.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1izc67", "comment_id": "1izc67"}, {"question": "ALS connection with (stomach?) hernia", "description": "Age:58, weight 80 kilos, caucasian:\n\nMy dad got (abdominal hernia), after a year of waiting he went to get it operated. Shortwhile after he got this limp when walking .... A year went by, and he was diagnosed for ALS.\n\nIs there a connection with hernia operation and ALS, or anesthesiology? Or any pre-post operation medication?\n\nthank you for any good information\n\n", "answer": "I have no expertise, but my understanding is that except for a small minority of cases that are inherited, the cause is essentially unknown. Any exposures have weak correlation at best, and as far as I've heard surgery and anesthesia haven't even been examined.\n\nThis sounds like a very unfortunate coincidence.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8hj697", "comment_id": "8hj697"}, {"question": "GF [24] just told me [M24] that she would say no to my proposal, due to her unhappiness, despite making jokes that I haven\u2019t proposed her yet. Should I end the relationship now to save heartache later?", "description": "My girlfriend of 3 years for the past several months has been joking that I have not proposed to her yet, however, based on our conversation last night, she told me that she is not ready to say yes, but with more time, she might be ready for us to take the next step.\n\nWe started dating in college, which is 40 minutes away from my home town, while her family is 3 hours away. We live together close to where we went to college, but she just told me that she would move back home or to a new city at any chance that she got, and that if we weren\u2019t dating she would never come back here. I do not want to leave, as the area has everything that I could every want, and that we have just started becoming successful in our careers.\n\nI feel pretty let down considering that I was planning on proposing at the end of the year and that she doesn\u2019t like where we live now, which is where I see our future taking place. To make things worse, she told me that she thinks my friends are childish for hanging out and playing video games or dnd, and that she is bringing up to adulthood when I hang with her friends by going to bars and all (which I love doing as well). She doesn\u2019t understand that these are normal hobbies and that it is also normal for me to have friends that she might not relate to.\n\nI told her that I fully support anything that she wants to do, and that if she wants to move somewhere far and try a completely new career that I would support her since we are still young and don\u2019t have a family. I would not join her in making such a big jump but I would be willing to try to make the relationship work long distance, even though I don\u2019t think it would last.\n\nShould I stay with her? She is not satisfied with where she is in life and feels compelled to leave and make a fresh start, while I am content with where I am. We do love and care for each other very much, but this seems like a major compatibility issue. She does bring spontaneity to my life, which I love, but I do not want to give up what I have here.", "answer": "Possibly a case of cold feet, which is perfectly normal (therapist here who often does couples counseling). I completely disagree with folks saying \u201cend it\u201d. Talk it out, be patient and listen to each other.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "bldd4u", "comment_id": "bldd4u"}, {"question": "My boyfriend cheated on me. We were planning on getting married. Help me Reddit.", "description": "I have known my boyfriend for over 10 years. He has been my best friend since 8th grade and has always been a major part of my life. We have gone through quite a bit together and have always been each others rock.We didn't start dating until last year after I had already started college. The distance sometimes put a strain on our relationship and twice he seriously considered ending our relationship because he couldn't handle the distance or wasn't ready for a serious relationship.We have seriously talked about moving in together and getting married in a couple of years. I go to college in a town about 90 minutes away so we only get to see each other once or twice a month. Yesterday he told me that he had cheated on my the previous weekend. I am heartbroken. I never thought he could cheat on me, and clearly I was wrong.He was cheated on in a previous relationship so he knows the pain associated with being cheated on. The hardest part is that he lied to me all week and acted perfectly fine. During that weekend while he was hanging out with her, he stopped texting me for over an hour which is very unlike him. And when he does finally text, his excuse is that his phone died. I thought it was a little fishy but I didn't inquire because he had already made me feel bad for not trusting him. Later that night I asked about that period of time and he told me that I had nothing to worry about and I was just being silly for thinking something happened. Yesterday, almost a week later, when he told me he cheated, and he admitted that he was actually cheating when he said his phone died. The cheating was more than just kissing as he told me items of clothing were removed. I feel like at this point he knew what he was doing and yet did nothing to stop it. So he lied straight to my face even when I brought it up to him. I don't know what to do. I still love him very much but I don't think I can ever trust him the same way again. Especially because the girl he cheated with lives 5 minutes away from him. I need your help Reddit. \n", "answer": "Am I the only one stuck on this line?:\n\n>he stopped texting me for over an hour which is very unlike him. \n\nJust. Damn.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "qdox5", "comment_id": "qdox5"}, {"question": "Friend help.", "description": "This is a story and a question.\n\nI have a friend.\nStarting in junior high, he and I grew to know each other well, same interests, both intelligent, hobbies, values, etc. We went longboarding, spent the nights playing super smash brothers, played and fought, and grew very close. He's probably one of my closest friends.\nInb4 hate storm-\nWe were both Christians. Granted, we didn't know a ton about what it truly meant to be a light in a dark world and such, but we tried. He had a bad habit of trashing others' beliefs for the sake of confrontation, and it didn't always go well for him. He would bash on gays and Muslims and anything he didn't believe in. Building a bad habit.\nFast forward a couple of years. We are both graduating our senior year of high school, starting our lives, as you will. My friend found out about Reddit, and became entrenched in the intellectual pursuits in store here.\nShortly thereafter, he became and atheist.\nNow hear me: I'm not saying that it is wrong for an individual to change his beliefs, and I'm not here for and argument.\nHe changed. This guys that I've known for around five years now has changed into a very narrow and cruel mindset. I'm not lumping all atheists into this category, but he has turned every conversation into a debate and every topic into a competition.\nI have not changed my beliefs, and now he takes every oppurtunity to tell me that I am stupid, a fool, unintelligent, gullible, and a bigot. He goes from professional discussion to personal attacks and accusations at the blink of an eye, and it makes me sad.\n\nI want my friend back. I can't even talk to him anymore. He claims to be open minded and tolerant of everything and anything except for, apparently, Christianity.\nNow again, I'm not accusing or angry, I'm just sad at the loss of a friend who I love like a brother that I've had through thick and thin since childhood. \n\nAnd I want to ask you:\nShould belief differences keep us from being friends?", "answer": "I think you should communicate to him that you care about him, deeply value his friendship, and are very hurt and upset by the direction the relationship has gone. Ask him for the sake of the friendship to stop discussing religion with you, or bashing your beliefs. If he accepts, then awesome. If he isn't willing to do this, then (sadly) you should move on from him.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1bhlch", "comment_id": "1bhlch"}, {"question": "Do you refer to someone in therapy as a \"client\" or a \"patient\"?", "description": "If you are in therapy and your therapist referred to you as a client, how would you feel if they started referring to you as a patient? Or if you're called a patient and your therapist started calling you a client, do you think it would make a difference?\n\n And for therapists, would it affect how you view the people that you treat based on whether or not you called them clients or patients? If you call them clients, would it change how you perceive them or how you feel about them if you referred to them as patients and vice versa?", "answer": "West coast US: We use \"client\" in every clinical setting I have worked in. This includes inpatient settings. \n\nI note my location because this is very regional. East Coast folks are much more likely to say \"patient\".", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fvxqtv", "comment_id": "fvxqtv"}, {"question": "Drug Test Question", "description": "Can 5-minute drug screening cups be sent off to a separate lab for further testing? My psych drug tests all his patience to ensure we're taking our prescriptions (I assume it's to weed out the people who are only there to obtain prescriptions to sell.) Either way, he uses urine cups that give results in 5 minutes, and always has my results by the time I'm called back to his office as he has the results in from of him. \n\nMy question is if he's getting the results in 5 minutes then why is my insurance company being charged $800-$1,200 in lab fees by another company? Is he using the 5-minute result and then sending the specimen off for further testing, or is he somehow milking the system? ", "answer": "Most good psychs are going to pee test you. Totally legit. They do the 5 min test, then send the results to be verified. \n\nYes, part of it is if you arent taking your meds were going to question why, but the other part is making sure you arent withholding information about drug combos that we can kill you on. If you mix opiates or benzos with many psych meds it can be a lethal mix. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6bt9os", "comment_id": "6bt9os"}, {"question": "My live-in [26/m] bf of 4 years is now living paycheck to paycheck while I'm [28/f] living financially stable. Should I stick around until he's in a more stable situation?", "description": "Since moving to a new city, my BF has been struggling with money. We split most expenses and I've been paying off most of the bills or he just owes me $$ (splitwise helps keep track of how much we owes me). The spark is gone. He's more of a roommate than a boyfriend. I'm worried I'm just sticking around for pity's sake. I feel like I'm in a relationship obstacle or some sort of roadblock. Should I stay and hope the spark comes back when he's struggling less with his work and $$ situation or call it good?", "answer": "If the pilot light is off, it won't come back on at this point.If it's flickering, and there's something to build on, and he has the same goals as you and a good plan, then maybe.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "75y7m8", "comment_id": "75y7m8"}, {"question": "Treatment options", "description": "I'm ready to really make this happen for so many reasons. Mostly because I know it will eventually kill me just as it did my grandpa and almost my mom (sober for 15 yrs now). I've been struggling big time over the years with sporadic ridiculous booze filled behavior and it seems to be getting worse. Always an excuse about how stressed I am from working so much etc etc...\n\nMy wife is almost done and this most terrifying thing is loosing her and my son. I already have an ex with a daughter and that relationship has been such a strain on my daughter. Furthermore my wife is amazing with her.\n\nI think I've looked at all the best places and La Hacienda seems like a great fit but my insurance does not have mental health so I'll be self pay at 30k...\n\nARC sounds scary as fu@k...\n\nNOVA is three months...\n\netc etc\n\nBut does anyone have any pointers or recommendations. Maybe alternatives to treatment and the whole AA thing... Hypnotherapy! Anything.\n\nFeeling like I'm out of options and I don't want to slip back into the routine.\n\n*Edit..We live in Austin, TX if any one has any specifics.", "answer": "The Ranch at Dove Tree in Lubbock is great, had a friend go there.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1a9o2k", "comment_id": "1a9o2k"}, {"question": "Kashi Cereal", "description": "Never been much of a drinker. But I\nJoined this sub because I quit smoking weed and love reading your inspiring stories. I\u2019ve had a particularly rough week as of late, and when I went to grab my midnight snack I saw a bottle staring me down. Contemplated. Formulated. And decided I would deal with my problems the right way. Now I\u2019m eating kashi cereal watching the sopranos. \n\n\u201cRight when I thought I would get away.... they pulllled me back in.\u201d Not today Satan. Not today.", "answer": "You get over to r/leaves ?", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "fvuzvb", "comment_id": "fvuzvb"}, {"question": "How do you get someone committed when they NEED to ASAP but the police or crises centers wont do anything?", "description": "So my sister has been going down hill, she attacked my mom, is accusing her of stealing, accusing her of raping everyone in the house, drugging people. She stalked my mom waiting for her to drive up and ran after her while my mom was driving.\n\n  \nThe cops won't do anything and she has an 8 year old son, no one is helping and it's reaching a boiling point, she says her son and husband were kidnapped by her and replaced with clones.  \n\n\nShit is hitting the literal fan and NO ONE can help us.", "answer": "Depending on what state you live in (if US), there are some places that offer the ability to petition for forced inpatient treatment/stabilization. Call your local clerk of court and see what they say. Usually you fill out some forms at the court house, are assigned a court date, and then have to present evidence that the person does indeed need psychiatric care. The judge can then decide whether or not to commit.\n\nIf you are afraid for her safety or others, you can call 9-1-1 and request a wellness check out to the house.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "epc2xj", "comment_id": "epc2xj"}, {"question": "Should I quit my job or am I being unreasonable?", "description": "Since I've started college almost three years ago I've been working as a cashier at a grocery store. It's an incredibly boring job but I'm used to it at this point and the place is almost like a second home to me. Then, after competing two years of school, I decided to take a year off because I was very unhappy with my program. Because I wanted to be productive during this time I looked for a second job. I applied to dozens of places but because I wanted to stay at the grocery store and it was the only job that would fit into my limited availability I accepted a position at an a&w (fast food). \n\nObviously everyone knows such jobs to be hellish and yet I was not expecting what I saw. It's filthy, the manager was awful and very emotional, the hours are very early so I have to get up at 5 even though I finish my other job at 9 pm the night before and I get rashes all the time from the grease and whatever else. It took some getting adjusted to and I am honestly impressed with myself that I did. I even worked 60+ hour weeks for a while. \n\nI started in September and that was the way things were till January. Now it is admittedly a little better. We have a new manager who is very friendly, I work less hours which is good and it is less busy so the job is simpler. I also really like most of the staff here. Probably more than at the other job. \n\nHowever I still constantly think about quitting. The rashes persist and, despite an antibiotic cream, are very hard to deal with. The hours, even though there are less of them, are still incredibly early. The nature of the job is still very unpleasant. \n\nThe biggest reason I want to quit though is probably because of how embarrassed I am to be working there. I usually don't tell people about my second job and hate discussing it with friends who do know. My parents both constantly tell me to find another employer and I think they are right. I find myself demotivated by the fact that I am surrounded by uneducated people (or people who have no plans to get educated) despite the fact that I really like them as individuals. I feel very discouraged when I look at some of the jobs that my friends hold, such as in software or engineering firms, and I work in the lowest regarded minimal wage position. I am definitely going back to school in September and yet I cannot shake this insecurity. \n\nSo is this at all a valid reason to look for new employment or am I being a child and a shallow, spoiled person? Also, how easy or difficult would it be to find something better given my experience? \n\nTL-DR: I work at a fast food place and I am considering quiting simply because I am embarrassed to work there. Is that stupid?", "answer": "Spoiled is a very judgmental word. You're finding it hard to be grateful for a very difficult and demeaning (to you) job likely because you've never been in a position where it was your only choice. In my mind this makes you like almost everyone else out there.\n\nContrary to popular belief, suffering is relative -- people go on about \"1st world problem,\" because they fail to empathize fully. They can only put themselves in the other person's shoes *knowing what they know* about life -- and cannot see how a situation that would not bother them could be hard for someone else.\n\nA good example is how we tend to romanticize childhood. We notice how little responsibility children have, and imagine how nice it would be for us *as adults* to have so little to do. We forget of course that childhood is fraught with minor trauma -- dropping an ice cream is HUGE to a child, and their feelings are quite real.\n\nOne major difference I can see, however, is that people who are more well off can benefit from a smaller adjustment to regain gratitude, whereas a poor person does not have that luxury.\n\nThere is nothing keeping you from switching jobs. Perhaps in your new second job you can look back on the A&W and feel grateful you don't have to do that anymore.", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "20mday", "comment_id": "20mday"}, {"question": "Should I tell my parents about my brothers [17/m] drug use?", "description": "First off, this is partly to help organize my thoughts and to do the right thing, this is a throwaway account just in case my brother happens to see. \n\nTL;DR- I have found out that my brother does drugs in my parents house and i don't know if i should tell my parents.\n\nSome background, I am a junior in high school and my older brother is a 17 year old senior with 8 days left in his high school career. He has been accepted to his number one college and is very excited to go there. We live in a nice, wealthy town, in a relatively nice house, my parents both work however my mother has been on long term disability for over a year now and is receiving no pay, all while caring for my severely disabled younger brother. My father does not have a high paying job, and while they have planned ahead by saving money adequately, this situation has caused them both much stress. \n\nI have always been pretty close to my brother and we have gotten along very well, he is a very good person, but he is definitely a follower. His friend group that he has fallen in with the last couple years do drugs, but I never saw that as a problem as he has always been level headed and my parents would flip if anyone of us did drugs. Recently I have found out through multiple means that my brother has been taking multiple types of non-prescription pills, vaping (know its not a drug, but my parents would be against it) and smoking marijuana. He doesn't do this stuff outside of my parents house, or any of his friends houses. While I know these drugs aren't very hard like meth and such, I worry for his health and what my parents would do if they find out (possibly cut his college funding they have generously agreed to do). \n\nMy brother and I also share some friends, some have told me my brother brags about being \"baked out of his mind\" and \"on some shit\" frequently. I have also been told that every time my brother joins a skype call he is never without his bong (he talks to people daily). \n\nI feel that telling my parents would be the right thing to do, however, he is still a teenager, almost 18 and many people do these types of things, I'm just concerned about the repercussions of his actions either down the road in life, or with my parents. I want to help him, but I also don't want to ruin my relationship with him, if I were to tell my parents I feel that I would be adding much more stress to their lives for something that my brother will probably grow out of.\n\nSorry if this seems like I'm over reacting, but this helped get my thoughts out, and any advice will make me feel like I'm not in this alone.", "answer": "Talk to your brother. Don't tell your parents unless your brother's health is at stake, which it sounds like is not the case. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6bknwf", "comment_id": "6bknwf"}, {"question": "We always talk about regulating the bad feelings...what about regulating the good ones?", "description": "I'm crushing hard on someone who is crushing back, and I can't concentrate on anything except wanting to talk to them and wanting to be around them. It's keeping me from focusing on my work, and making me feel manic in a happy way.\n\nI'm now noticing that I have a really hard time regulating GOOD feelings, too! When something awesome happens to me, it's like everything else goes out the window. I obsess.\n\nI obsess over the things that hurt. To the point where everything goes out the window and I forgo taking care of myself, like an adult.\n\nI obsess over the things that feel GOOD, to the point where everything goes out the window and I forgo taking care of myself, like an adult.\n\nHow do we regulate GOOD feelings and tell those happy thoughts to wait a minute so we can be productive??", "answer": "I've learned that I have to be very mindful of how I react. I can react positively just as intense as I can negativity. And that intensity isn't always needed or necessary or appropriate ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4730n6", "comment_id": "4730n6"}, {"question": "I know I'm not the only one", "description": "Not expecting any comments or anything, but today is just one of those days where it really feels like a physical effort to speak, or communicate at all. Like, it almost takes more effort than its worth. At least here, I won't be judged for being \"negative\"", "answer": "Repeat this to yourself prn: \u201cJust because I think something, that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s true.\u201d", "topic": "depression_help", "post_id": "8tqw0e", "comment_id": "8tqw0e"}, {"question": "I'm almost 30 and I still get envious of others relationships, especially if I'm attracted to one of the partners, it's not healthy but idk how to change my mindset.", "description": "Has anyone else struggled with this? I feel very immature and it's holding me back in many ways. If I really hit it off with some girl, I tend to get smitten, and then lightly jealous of her partner. It's like an unhealthy mindset that I'd be a better fit, and I'm constantly looking for things to dislike in the partner. \n\nI know this isn't healthy and I mostly avoid the situation. If a girl and I hit it off and she is in a relationship... I tend to back off and not pursue a friendship. I don't like feeling negative and envious so I pull back. But I'm realizing that this is really not helping me in any real way, girls often have single friends and I could hit it off with them...but the first girl is always in the background of my thoughts. Has anyone been like this and what helped change your view?", "answer": "How many friendships do you have, in general? How many of those friendships are with women?\n\nYou have to know how to be a good friend before you can be a good partner. A friend wouldn't tear down someone else you know. A friend wouldn't want to control who someone else hangs out with. \n\nYou have to be able to accept the other person as... well, their own person, with their own relationships, their own friendships, their own choices in life. They don't OWE anything to you, and THEIR behavior is not based around what YOU want. It's based around what they want. You cannot control anyone's behavior but your own. \n\nI would focus on pursuing your own life, improving your own life, and gaining healthy friendships and socializing, without any expectation of romance. Give yourself some time to focus on yourself and interacting with people in a positive, no-expectations sort of way. Just accepting people wherever they are and accepting yourself where you are. Don't go in to situations trying to hit it off with people. Just talk to be friends.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "c5qgrx", "comment_id": "c5qgrx"}, {"question": "Is there a difference between being an alcoholic vs an alcoholic of the hopeless variety?", "description": "Full-Blown Alcoholics\nIn the book \"Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book\" alcoholism is referred to several times as \"a hopeless condition of mind and body.\"\n\nThis is not referring to someone who simply has a drinking problem, or on occasion drinks too much, or someone who has developed a mild alcohol use disorder.\n\nIt refers to people who are full-blown alcoholics, described by Dr. William D. Silkworth in the Big Book:\n\n\"All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.\"\n\nI wish there was more distinction on how they are classified. Is a non hopeless alcoholic just a heavy drinker? Is it someone who will become a hopeless alcoholic? If the alcoholic quits drinking before they become hopeless do they \"need\" AA?\n\nSo many questions.", "answer": "Dr. George Vaillant of Harvard University was a recognized expert on alcoholism was invited to join AA\u2019s board of trustees as a nonalcoholic member. He was interviewed in AA\u2019s Grapevine in the May 2000 issue. In in he said that most Alcoholics who recover from alcoholism do so without the help of AA or any other treatment. He said that they accomplish what AA\u2019s do by other means, he said they achieve a profound change in personality.  I\u2019m sober 41 years and I know people who stop drinking on their own and lead useful and happy lives. I couldn\u2019t do it on my own. I think that\u2019s the difference. If you want to join us, you\u2019re free to call yourself a member of AA when you say that you are one of us. Hope is one of our guiding principles. If you feel hopeless, we are offering you hope for a complete recovery and a wonderful way of life.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "fxixyh", "comment_id": "fxixyh"}, {"question": "It's my birthday today", "description": "It usually gets overshadowed by 420, Hitler jokes  and the occasional easter. I barely have any friends so I'm just driving up to the city, taking an edible at the mall, and just keeping my cool on. \n\nI wanted friends, a big party, an iced pink cake, those big number balloons (im 19!), but I know people genuinely are not interested in me, don't have respect for my feelings, or just dont care. \n\nHardly anyone I know gets stoned anymore, so it even seems hard to find someone to just spark up with anytime now.  I miss my friends, i want to give and care for others but my feelings towards people just mean shit to them. I don't mean anything to them.\n\nI might get a mini tattoo today, probably get my nails done too, for sure gonna buy new makeup and clothes, and yes, a mucho burrito and starbucks for the way home; perfect birthday for me and just me. \n\nI know my anxiety will go up, seeing groups of girls and friends together on Saturday at the mall. I get so jealous and envious of anyone with longterm close friends, why could I never find that? I keep trying to find new people, join new groups, but I always end up on my own. \n\nHappy birthday Bakugou, Hitler, weeeeed, and me.\n\nTldr: spending by bday alone though i wish i had lots of friends to be with. Going to the mall on an edible to celebrate the day correctly.\n\nEDIT: Just got to the mall and wow. Reddit, thank you for all this love and wishes on my birthday, means more than just mom and dad saying happy bday. I love this community  (i am so proud of this community) thank you all \u2764\u2764\n\nEDIT 2: Thank you everyone for all the birthday wished and messages, I have high anxiety and paranoia about replying, but every single thing in my inbox I have read and I thank you all for making my lonely day brighter. I ended up taking the term \"treat yourself\" too far lol, was able to enjoy a real ass hit at 4:20, sat down for sushi instead of a burrito. My nails are barbie pink and i grabbed the cannabis mascara. It was a good day, thank you reddit \ud83d\udc96", "answer": "Happy birthday! You are loved!!!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "bfb51r", "comment_id": "bfb51r"}, {"question": "Back again", "description": "Hi friends,\n\nI am afraid that I'm here fulfilling my role as a clich\u00e9d cautionary tale. \n\nI made it over three years without drinking.\n\nUntil about two years ago.\n\nI got away from meetings because of my struggles with faith and my general cockiness, I guess. I started dating someone who liked to smoke weed, and I slowly started partaking from time-to-time. I went to a bachelorette party summer of 2017, and while I was waiting for a several-hours-delayed flights, I joined my friends in the free wine we were offered. It has been steadily going downhill from there. \n\nAs everyone told me would happen, things started \"okay\" and eventually I ended up right where I started when I first sniffed around recovery. My bottom wasn't as bad this time, but the experience and struggles are the same. \n\nI drank all my money. I drank away some of my most important relationships. I don't remember anything that happens to me. I'm a shell. I've blacked out almost every day in 2019. I'm hungover every day. I eat eight times a week, maybe, but I'm still overweight because of all of the calories I take in by beer. I'm have no idea how I feel. I'm behind on every project I've taken on. I've squandered opportunities for the last three years that sober me set up for herself. \n\nI don't have anything of meaning to say, but I have decided I'll go to a meeting tonight and try it out. I'm in a new city now, and apprehensive about what it'll be like, but I figure I'll start out there and commit my intention to not drink today. \n\nThank you for being here and for offering a place that I could come back to.", "answer": "Welcome back. Your story is very similar to mine. Been struggling to get some sober time after relapsing about 2 1/2 years ago. I have a little more than 6 months now, and starting to have more better days then not at this point. It\u2019s tough because I constantly want to feel as good as I did when I had my time. I keep reminding myself to be patient and the old saying \u201cdon\u2019t quit before the miracle happens.\u201d Not sure if it will be a miracle, but I have faith that if I stay sober and keep it up, it will get better.  Just wanted to give you my experience with it so far. If we hand in there and keep doing the right thing and have some patience, things will get better. Wishing you the best. I feel your pain and know how difficult it is!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d0km9h", "comment_id": "d0km9h"}, {"question": "Have you ever been broken up with by text message?", "description": "Or have you ever broken up with someone by text message? And what was your reaction , how did they react? How did you handle it? What other strange ways have you been broken up with or broken up with someone?", "answer": "text, unfortunately, is the preferred mode of communication.  face to face is always better.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5klqjb", "comment_id": "5klqjb"}, {"question": "Did I fuck up by taking those supplements in combination with paracetamol?", "description": "I am a 21 year old male, around 75kg. \n\nI already was taking vitamin D (2000iu), magnesium (200mg) and zinc (10mg). After a friendly box sparring which turned to be more intensive I was hit twice on my head. After two days of headache I thought I got a concussion. After this I also was taking curcumin from NovaSol (which reaches the blood brain barrier) (500mg) and fish oil (1,5g). I was taking curcumin one day off and one day on for a period of 10 days. So, not more than 5 capsules. During this period I also took paracetamol because I fell very sick.\n\nBut when I stopped taking curcumin and paracetamol strange things happened to me. I got brainzaps. I don't know if this was caused by the anxiety, the concussion I thought I could have or the combination of curcumin with paracetamol.\n\nThis was like two months ago, but after that I fell pretty sick, anxious and depressed. The brainzaps went away. I was doing well, until my grandfather passed away and I was waking up during the night with nightmares. After this I got very anxious again and I had muscle spasms/twitches and weird head presssure. \n\nSo, my question is: did I fuck up? My problem is that I don't know what caused those weird symptoms? My (health) anxiety, the fact I was hit on my head of the combination of those supplements?\n\n", "answer": "The meds are not a concern, but maybe seeking advice about your anxiety might be worth your time. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8ahs3d", "comment_id": "8ahs3d"}, {"question": "Disabled person looking for a job before grad school (hopefully)", "description": "I\u2019m a 25 year old woman with cerebral palsy. It isn\u2019t severe but it mainly affects my ability to stand for long periods of time, ability to lift heavy things and I get tired more easily. I also have mental health issues but they aren\u2019t really the focus of this post. I have an undergrad BA in Children\u2019s studies and am almost done a funded MA in disability studies. I have a teaching assistant job for January to April but it\u2019s only going to pay about 300 a month. I have ODSP as well but 99 percent of it goes to rent, sadly. I\u2019m applying to Phd programs for fall 2020 but I need a job to help make ends meet until September (IF I get into school\u2014 longer if not). Any tips?", "answer": "Remote/work from home jobs may be an option for you.", "topic": "disability", "post_id": "e3jk12", "comment_id": "e3jk12"}, {"question": "How do I make myself emotionally available again?", "description": "My ex (of 2 years) and I broke up over a year ago. I still think about her a lot, likely because of continued contact until a couple months ago or so. While I haven't been involved with anyone in a while, it's only been a couple months I've been working on making myself emotionally available again so that I'm not constantly thinking about her. What would you do to encourage that process? Is time the only cure? I'm afraid I'll never feel like I'm not in love with her, do you think that will interfere with future relationships? Is the whole point to wait until I don't love her, or is dating again just a part of getting over her? I don't want to set up new relationships to fail by still being into someone else, but I also want to do what's necessary to feel like I won't be distracted. \n\nThank you if you've read this far and have any advice. ", "answer": "very thoughtful post.   if we have nothing in the present, we tend to dwell on the past.  my hunch is that you're mostly past her. i would date, in a slow sort of way, and still go slow when you meet someone. that way, you'll have time to figure out what you're feeling about the present moment and your past love.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tztg1", "comment_id": "5tztg1"}, {"question": "Is my[27/F] girlfriend [25/F] expecting too much openness?", "description": "My girlfriend and I have been in a LDR for the past two years. We see each other most weekends as we only live a few hours drive away. She is still at university, about to graduate this summer.\n\nWe've had our ups and downs as I guess every couple has. Recently, we've been having a lot of fights concerning my anxiety and confidence issues. I am not very comfortable talking about this but have tried to open up more as she's constantly trying to reassure me that she's only trying to help. I feel like she's not giving me any privacy as she always wants to know everything and pressuring me to open up. She has said in the past that if I'm not willing to be completely open and close to her, the relationship has no point but I feel like her definition of being close is giving me no privacy at all.\n\nIt's not like I don't ever want to talk to her about my insecurity but I want to figure out what's actually bugging me with the help of a professional rather than her.\nI don't think she understands this.\n\nAm I being unreasonable for wanting to figure things out on my own first instead of with her (which she wants)?\n\ntl;dr: Girlfriend keeps pressuring me to talk about my problems, I need time and possibly the help of a professional.", "answer": "everyone is entitled to the privacy of their thoughts. she has to respect that.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67iy3v", "comment_id": "67iy3v"}, {"question": "2 years of sobriety yesterday", "description": "I celebrated 2 years of continuous sobriety yesterday, and I revisited this passage in the big book yesterday morning-\n\n\n\"We were having trouble with\r\npersonal relationships, we couldn\u2019t control our emo-\r\ntional natures, we were a prey to misery and depres-\r\nsion, we couldn\u2019t make a living, we had a feeling of\r\nuselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy,\r\nwe couldn\u2019t seem to be of real help to other people\"\n\n\nI was extremely emotional and sobbing in gratitude realizing how far ive come and that these problems are gone. \n\nExtremely grateful to this program for GIVING ME A LIFE", "answer": "The Bedeviments. I can relate to being there. Congratulations on your two years!!!!", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "bqgacj", "comment_id": "bqgacj"}, {"question": "\"You look like you're done\"", "description": "So, last night...my partner and I went to happy hour at a local steakhouse. This place has the most excellent food and cocktails! Anyway, we went...sat at the bar, partner had two cocktails, I stuck with water and we split an enormous steak burger. \n\nAt one point in the evening while chatting and enjoying each others company, my partner looks over at me and says:\n\n\"You look like you're done drinking\"...\n\n\"What do you mean?\" I asked. \n\n\"Well, you don't even seem bothered anymore when I say let's go to happy hour or by sitting here at the bar while everyone is drinking\"....\n\nTo be honest, I had a moment when we were headed to happy hour that I was going to have a drink...but then the moment passed and I didn't even want a drink.\n\nI am not cocky enough to think that I have this thing beat, but I just want to be thankful for this moment where it's not TOO hard to resist the urge. \n\nI refuse to not enjoy life and that includes happy hours at bars if my friends or family are so inclined to enjoy a couple of beverages and appetizers. I am thankful that at this moment in time I am able to do so without too much struggle. \n\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Well done everyone. Great to be out and about enjoying your social life. Im in Ireland... what is La Croix...its mentioned regularly... fear of missing out \ud83d\ude03", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8grumc", "comment_id": "8grumc"}, {"question": "I can't seem to find a \"self help\" workbook", "description": "There aren't many out there and the ones I'm finding have less than desirable reviews. I'm frustrated and trying to get better and I'm hoping someone out there might have a good recommendation? ", "answer": "I like Calming the Emotional Storm.  \n It's DBT lite with very accessible and simple methods. It's not everything but it's a good one to read multiple times. I think other programs like Seeking Safety and rape recovery manuals do a great job of getting the emotional intensity and desperation accurate. \n\nCalming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608820874/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_5jMVxbK9QPJ8N\n\n", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4zfzh7", "comment_id": "4zfzh7"}, {"question": "MOTHERS DAY IS TOMMOROW INCASE YOU FORGOT", "description": "not sure if this post is allowed", "answer": "I didn't forget. But I did think about it fifty times and did nothing about it even though I love the shit out of my mum. I finally called and ordered some delivery flowers with 30 minutes till the close of business", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ggacf0", "comment_id": "ggacf0"}, {"question": "Can I continue taking spironolactone while trying to get pregnant? 26F with PCOS and acne at full force.", "description": "For example, if I am taking spironolactone and find out I\u2019m pregnant, will it still cause birth defects if I stop taking it immediately after finding out? \n\nI am a 26 year old female and have PCOS. I am not a smoker. I am 5\u20192\u201d, 100lbs, pre-diabetic, and located in Dallas, TX. \n\nCurrently I am not on spironolactone but my acne has returned in full force, which is why I\u2019m considering retaking it. I\u2019m married and not on BC, which is the reasoning for possibly getting pregnant.\n\nThank you for your help!", "answer": "I am not an ob/gyn. That said, the recommendation is to avoid spironolactone in pregnancy because of at least theoretical risk to the fetus, particularly a male fetus.\n\nI encourage you to speak to an obstetrician for more detailed information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cjx1rj", "comment_id": "cjx1rj"}, {"question": "Online therapy?", "description": "Thank you all so much with your help on my last post. I hope you don't mind that I'm posting twice in the same day. (New to Reddit, not sure what annoys people yet). \n\nAnyways, I was wondering how do you find a good online therapist? I can't find any decent databases. I would like to find a therapist who works through Skype/video calls who I could speak to once a week or more. \n", "answer": "I've done online therapy and phone-based therapy for some time and I find it to be, in many cases, as good or better than ~~Face to Face~~ In Your Face therapy.  TalkSpace, Breakthrough and BetterHelp, which I have signed up for, haven't been perceived as very good and I haven't worked with them because of what others (like /u/Starbuckbunny ) have said.  I do think you will want to work with someone in person after some time, so it's best to find someone local if you can and then use their video therapy for some time, until you want to come see them.  It can be very intimidating to come in to see a therapist in person and I'm impressed that you've found a way to be more comfortable while getting the help you deserve. \n\nAnother issue with BPD and online work is that of confidentiality, limits of the same and suicidal urges. I think you may find that therapists have a much more rigid boundary for suicidal talk while online or over the phone than they do in person, where they can get a real read for your emotions and intent. Having a safe space to talk honestly about your really tough emotions and stuck cognitions is really important and BetterHelp or another similar service isn't going to let it go there. Even most video-based therapists won't go there I'm guessing.  Skype is very good, but not actually allowed due to it not being HIPAA compliant, so proceed with this caveat if you work with someone who is using skype.  My take is that if they are using skype they probably are breaking rules in other areas of their practice as well, just as a trend though maybe not a rule. \n\nPM me or reply if you want more specific help getting set up with a local, video-based therapist that does DBT or another emotional disregulation form of therapy. It really sounds like you are already well on your way to getting things set up, so you may not need any more help as much as just encouragement. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "4lxwhd", "comment_id": "4lxwhd"}, {"question": "How i was able to stop", "description": "Hi all, i like most of you have been through many battles with Alcohol. Lately, withdrawal for me has been brutal, the anxiety(especially) , night sweats, crazy dreams meant by day 3 or 4 I was caving and drinking again.  Well i have gotten over a personal hurdle, I'm 24 days sober now and just wanted to share what worked for me, maybe it will help somebody else.\n\nI went hard on the supplements and smoothies.\n\n\\- smoothy ( kale, spinach, tons of herbs and spices , lots of blueberries) or herbal teas anything that promotes calming\n\n\\- no caffeine for me.\n\nVitamins/Supplements\n\n\\- L-Glutamine \n\n\\- mineral drops\n\n\\- vitamin d\n\n\\- probiotics\n\n\\- Sisu B calm with rhodiola - this was the game changer for me, after 10 -15 minutes of my first dose, my anxiety dramatically changed. In fact i was on day 3 when i took it and was very close to drinking again, it was a desperate attempt to calm myself. Strangely everything improved for me, night sweats were minimal and lasted only one more night, no crazy dreams and anxiety was so much better. I have had many other B-supplements in the past, maybe my absorption wasn't the same for them, but they all had little to no affect on me.\n\nNote: its probably much easier if you go to a doctor but i had some personal reasons to not do this.\n\nAnyway as i said just posting this info as it may help somebody else, (i know what your going through).\n\nI wish you all the best.", "answer": "Wow you have an olympic diet there. Where did you source the Sisu... supplement? Good luck. Iwndwyt.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "91gtyr", "comment_id": "91gtyr"}, {"question": "Something weird happens when I drink...", "description": "19 yr old female, lightweight drinker.\nSo this is completely out of the ordinary, and my chances of getting an answer are probably pretty slim, but...when I drink alcohol, sometimes the skin around my belly button begins to hurt. \nIt usually only happens when I drink ( it has happened other times but very seldom) but after a few drinks (maybe 3-4) the skin around my belly button starts to get really tense and feel almost like a hard bruise. There is no visible bump or raised skin, but on the inside, the skin gets really tight and tender. Can't really think of why this would be, any help would be appreciated on this peculiar matter! ", "answer": "No idea - sorry!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "56f6ku", "comment_id": "56f6ku"}, {"question": "72 hour VOLUNTARY psych hold - does it go on your record like and INvoluntary psych hold?", "description": "Hey! I\u2019ve been in a really hard place for the past few weeks but I\u2019ve been thinking about checking into a hospital for a 72 psych hold voluntarily before it escalates to a place where I harm myself or I get admitted involuntarily. I know involuntary holds go on your record and will be seen on any background checks (med/law school, buying a gun, teaching license, etc.) and I want to know if the same goes for a voluntary hold. Does anyone know?\nAlso, if anyone has experience with a 72 hr psych hold, please share. I don\u2019t know anyone one who\u2019s done this and there\u2019s only so many articles I can read in the internet. \nTIA!", "answer": "Hello! Therapist who works on a psych inpatient unit here.\n\nVoluntary psych admissions are a bit more state specific when it comes to whether it comes up in different types of background checks. Some states ask for reporting on it from the hospitals, others don't. The involuntary holds MUST be reported to the appropriate state agency. So, the general idea is, go in on a voluntary hold and your chances of it messing things up regarding background checks in the future are lessened.\n\nThe only real places that can look that information up themselves are places that give out security clearances (so think, the government or military) and specialized vendors who keep databases on these types of things (so gun stores and possibly local police). Graduate schools require you to report these types of things on your own, and any professional licenses you try to obtain will ask you to report these things as well. For any of these, however, what they look for is that you are recognizing the severity of your concerns that led you to an inpatient admission in the first place and that you are/have been actively working on them. \n\nPsychiatric inpatient admissions experiences vary wildly on the facility and area. It's difficult to give you a fully accurate impression of what you might experience just because so many places do it differently. What I always suggest to look for in terms of an inpatient voluntary admission:\n\n1. Does the facility separate voluntary admissions and involuntary admissions? Do they place you according to your clinical presentation? Facilities that keep voluntary admissions in a particular unit tend to have a lower acuity (that's the severity of the various clinical presentations on the unit).\n2. What kind of therapy does the facility offer? Is it only groups, or is individual therapy also something they do? I'd recommend you take advantage of as much therapy time as you can.\n3. Do the staff help clients with case management stuff? That can be helpful if you have some difficulty attaining your basic needs.\n4. Is there any follow-up after discharge? That can help you transition back into the community or into a step-down level of care.\n\nGENERALLY, you will meet with a few therapists, a psychiatrist, and a nurse. You will work together with your treatment team to get you on a treatment regiment, gauge your ability to discharge, and continue working with you to develop insight and prepare you for services after your discharge.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "e8g8bi", "comment_id": "e8g8bi"}, {"question": "Idiot [29/f] with feelings for someone other than my boyfriend", "description": "I've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years and we've been fairly happy, besides a few times when he gives me the silent treatment for wearing an outfit he doesn't like or refuses to sleep with me if I get a tattoo (aside from those weird child tantrums he's mature and we get along well). My problem is that over the last 1.5 years I've developed romantic feelings for a former coworker who seems to be a bit more compatible with me. I'm having a tough time getting over it and I'm not even sure I want to. \n\nHe's smart and interesting, I feel like we both always learn new things when we talk to each other, and I really enjoy our friendship. I'm pretty sure he was interested in me in the past, I'm not sure if he does anymore. We interact fairly regularly and we're good at just being friends, but I just can't stop thinking about him and how much I like talking to him and hearing what he has to say. Everything reminds me of him and I always want to talk to him when something new and exciting happens in my life (but I restrain myself). I don't know many people that I can relate to on a certain level so when I do, I get pretty attached. \n\nI always get fleeting crushes and I'll usually just let myself enjoy them until they pass, and direct the extra sexual energy into my relationship with my boyfriend. It's always worked in the past but I just can't get over this guy, probably because it's more emotional than physical. \n\nWhat should I do? Keep being polite and friendly and hope that my crush will eventually disappear? Avoid him until I forget about him (ending our friendship but eliminating the threat to my relationship)? Reevaluate my relationship? I feel so guilty for having these feelings when I'm in a relationship and I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I don't really know what to do. \n\n", "answer": "i would try to examine your bf relationship. 'new' is always more exciting and alluring than familiar.  people change a lot in their twenties. it is possible that what you need now is diff. than what you needed 6 yrs ago. it's complex. maybe find a good therapist to talk it all out with.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5m4q3q", "comment_id": "5m4q3q"}, {"question": "Can stopping depression meds abruptly kill you?", "description": "This is really just a general question. Not sure if this is technically the place for it?? So please remove if not allowed.\n\nGender: female\nAge: 24\nMedications: reglan, venflaxine, lamotrigine, abilify\n\nI was on Facebook and saw an ad for a study on medication for people diagnosed with major depression. I commented and asked if you could still qualify if you had just stopped your medication recently. I was on 150mg of venflaxine and 100mg of lamotrigine and was later prescribed ability. I sort of stopped abruptly. For the lamotrigine I did cut the pill in half and only took half for a week before stopping entirely. The venflaxine I simply stopped taking. I know it wasn\u2019t a good idea to stop like that, in hindsight I guess I wasn\u2019t really thinking. I felt like the medication wasn\u2019t working for me and I was having medical issues at the time that I associated with the medication (which also stopped within a few days of me no longer taking the medication). I was in touch with my psychiatrist about it when I stopped and they didn\u2019t really say much other than suggesting we could send in a lower dose to wean me off the venflaxine instead. But I had already been 2 days without so they didn\u2019t send in the script. They couldn\u2019t really do because I\u2019m in the process of switching to someone else. \n\nWhen I commented on the ad for the study my comment had a few people respond to it saying not to do just stop because it could kill me? I understand the withdrawal symptoms and I definitely think I\u2019m dealing with those. But kill me? That sounded a bit far fetched to me, but then again, I\u2019m not a doctor so IDK. So I\u2019m asking you guys here, can this actually kill me?", "answer": "There are lots of scare-mongers on the internet.\n\nStopping an SSRI, SNRI, or most other antidepressants suddenly wont cause damage. It can be uncomfortable, which has gotten lots of press recently, and venlafaxine is one of the more notoriously unpleasant drugs to stop. But still, not everyone has any problems. If you didn\u2019t, they probably won\u2019t suddenly start.\n\nLamotrigine can be used as an anti-seizure medication as well. There\u2019s at least theoretically higher risk of seizures if you suddenly stop. For most people, the reduction in seizure threshold still doesn\u2019t put them at any risk of seizing.\n\nThe biggest problem with stopping these medications is that they won\u2019t do what they\u2019re supposed to do. i\nIt sounds like you\u2019ve been unimpressed, you\u2019re looking for a new psychiatrist, and you have a plan to enroll in a study. All of those are fine plans to get hopefully more effective treatment. Ideally it would have been done with your old psychiatrist involved from the beginning, but no disasters here.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fd6zpp", "comment_id": "fd6zpp"}, {"question": "I need more friends and more hobbies", "description": "I have mostly class friends but we don't go out places together. I have probably two friends. All I do is homework, Reddit, brainstorm my story, journal, read, church or go out to eat. I need a more stimulating life", "answer": "it seems you like reading and writing. What if you checked out your local library and see if they have events or clubs going on? You might be able to join a book club, or listen to some interesting speaker, or attend a game or movie night. If you like you could even look into volunteering, that might give you a regular time where you can interact with new people over a shared activity - I think its a lot easier to meet people that way, with a structured activity and shared interests, rather than just, like, going up to strangers.\n\nTrying new things in new places is the best way to meet new people and gain new experiences.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "dn6o8n", "comment_id": "dn6o8n"}, {"question": "My problem with mental health professionals", "description": "Ive been to lots of them and they all fall into 2 categories, \"therapists\" who cant give me medicine and have lots of weak advice and \"doctors\" who spend 5 minutes checking off symptoms on the list of drugs they're pushing before sending you to the pharmacy. Is there anyone I can go to that will actually listen to me and also give me medicine?", "answer": "Jeez what country are you in. As a psychiatrist, I provide up to one hour appointments.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6kw4qj", "comment_id": "6kw4qj"}, {"question": "Is she [28/f] playing two guys at the same time? How should I [33/m] handle it?", "description": "I met this girl a while ago. She says she's not ready to date yet because she's coming out of a long relationship. We hang out a lot and have a lot of fun. Nothing physical. She says if she were ready to date she would defnitely date me.\n\nI found out she's been hanging out with another guy a lot (that she met before me). When I asked her about him, she said that there could be something between them (potentially) but that it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to date anybody right now.\n\nTo me it does matter because it looks like she's playing two guys at the same time while she's waiting to be ready to seriously date. I think it's not fair to me or to him. \n\nAm I wrong here? Just because she's not commited, she can just start building emotional bonds with as many guys as she wants? How should I handle it?\n\nI actually like her a lot. I can see long term things happening with her.", "answer": "if you're honest about your intentions-- as in don't want a rel.--  you are free to do anything. the other person either lives with it or not.  [one person hits ball--ball in other's court]", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5su76k", "comment_id": "5su76k"}, {"question": "[33/m] My girlfriend [26/f] hit me..", "description": "We were on and off one year together, she punched me two times and shoved me against the door once..\n\nI am bigger then her and obviously can control my anger and I know better than to hit her back and face jail time..\n\nWe have just broken up and apparently she doesn't feel much real remorse over the violence episodes.\nWe broke up because after the last violent episode, I threatened to call the police and she became a bit paranoid about it, claiming that I want to ruin her life and that I am the cause of her problems..\n\nI gave her three options: Go see a psychologist, I call her mother or I call the police.. \nShe said \"Call the police, I don't care, and if you want, call my mother but I won't do it\".. She did research a bit to get a psychologist, to which she said: \"I will go get your answers but then I want nothing to do with you, you've made my life a living hell for one year\"..\n\nWhen the last violent episode happened, I even told her that our relationship would be put on hold , for her to get herself treated.. Her remorse lasted about 30 min. She did apologise sincerely for it, though. She never meant to harm me, I know she has a hard time releasing her anger.\n\nI also made it clear that I would support her with the psychologist solution, regardless of the relationship.\n\nI find it incredibly hurtful that she can't truly own up to her mistake and makes me wonder whether she is a sociopath or not..She does not blame me for the violence, but she blames the relationship for bringing it out in her\n\nWas I wrong to threaten to call the police?\n\nEDIT: I didn't call the police, I just threatened her because I saw no other option. I do not condone violence, on any gender.", "answer": "she has HUGE issues. yes, call the police if she's out of control.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5ojy29", "comment_id": "5ojy29"}, {"question": "Does my case of social anxiety/insecurity warrant therapy? Or am I just making excuses?", "description": "EDIT on Title - What i mean by 'excuses' is just does my situation sound like one where therapy is the right choice? or do I need to just break habits on my own - because social anxiety and insecurity are pretty common. Not sure how anyone can answer that, but felt like putting my feelings out there on this. \n\n​\n\nI'll try to keep this brief, as this is likely a common and/or low-value post to the sub. **I'm wondering if - given my story below - you'd think therapy is worth my time/money, and what kind I should look for. I know nothing about therapy haha.**\n\n​\n\nI'm a 29 y/o man, and I often feel very troubled/down due to social anxiety and insecurity. I find it extremely hard to take risks/commit - and it feels like I'm just too scared to live life. I think it's driven by my fear of judgement/embarrassment, and it's something I've never been able to overcome.\n\n​\n\nI have a very loving/supporting family and a good career; but at age 29 I've essentially never dated or felt comfortable meeting new people. I have a decent social life, but it's primarily all of the same friends I've had since high school/college - and I'm not *really* close with anyone of them. I feel like my friend group is what it is because it's been the most convenient.\n\n​\n\nI'm realizing more and more that despite all the things I have going for me, I'm unhappy. Unhappy because I feel inferior, and I've never been able to overcome these fears of mine. The fact that I've never dated as a man in his late 20s is really starting to weigh on me.\n\n​\n\n**Conclusion:** I'm thinking about trying therapy because maybe it'll help me understand why I have these fears, and that may help me overcome them. But I also know social anxiety and insecurity are common things - and seeking therapy may be another excuse im telling myself to procrastinate or avoid getting better on my own.\n\n​\n\nThanks for reading, any comments/experiences/pieces of advice are appreciated. God bless.", "answer": "I think seeking therapy is kind of the opposite of \u201cmaking another excuse\u201d to be honest with you. It is actually a concrete, courageous action toward making changes in your life. Therapy is not just about talking about your problems - it is about finding solutions that work for you and lead to a greater sense of satisfaction in life. Social anxiety IS fairly common, but that doesn\u2019t mean the way to deal with it is to suck it up or try harder (and of course inevitably beat yourself up for never trying hard enough). It sounds like you\u2019re feeling stuck, and therapy is a great tool to get un-stuck.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5z2tc", "comment_id": "c5z2tc"}, {"question": "The worst choice for a best man", "description": "So we've been friends for a decade now. Been through a lot, helped each other through the good and the bad. When the time came to settle down and marry our fiances I chose you to be my best man and you chose me to be yours. Well, at least one of us made the right choice. \n\nI came up with 3 well-thought out plans for your bachelor party and detailed every step for your approval. You said you didn't want one. Fair enough, I respected your wishes. Then you turn around and have a bachelor party planned out by a guy you hate. Not a big deal. You couldn't care less about planning mine when I asked you to so it ended up being you, myself, and my brother at a restaurant and I was the only one drinking. My brother went home at 4 PM. Great job.\n\nI write out this heart-felt best-man speech and tell a 100 people that you're my best friend. I had strangers coming up to me saying it as the greatest best man speech they have ever heard. Success! Oh, but when my wedding rolls around you just plagiarize my speech from start to finish so that you might garner the same praise. Lovely.\n\nBoth our weddings are over. You tell me about your trip to Florida in every last detail for a few hours. Pretty cool. I try to tell you about my trip to Japan (a life long dream of mine) and you cut me off a few minutes in. I brought you back small batch whiskey from Hokkaido and you brought me a glass from a souvenir shop. We never talk about my honeymoon again. Awesome.\n\nYou fall off the radar for 5 months, not a single peep. I guess this is how it's going to be, kinda sucks. You then pop back up when your wife is pregnant. I help you move from one house to another, planning my vacation around you. I hurt myself during the move. My wife spends hours knitting things for your child. We buy gifts before he's born. I bought you a gift for this Christmas. We plan on making you meals during after the baby is born. You turn around and get angry with me over nothing conveniently right after I help you move and don't speak to me since then. Fantastic.\n\nNow when I look at my wedding photo album I'll always remember that I made the wrong choice. Hey pal, eat a dick you urban hick.", "answer": "Wow.  Just.  Jesus.  How the fuck do you plagiarize a speech so shamelessly?   \n  \n  \nYou should save this post, print it, and keep it around for the next time he needs something and wants to be \"friends\" again until he gets it.  I would have walked away after the weddings, but you're a better person than I.  Stop that.  Don't ever speak to this person again.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1t7168", "comment_id": "1t7168"}, {"question": "Issue with last 2 therapists", "description": "I went to 2 therapists for a short time (approx 2-3 months each), mostly because I have problems motivating myself to do basic things and I have a tendency to go into a massive depressive swing every so often. \n\nAnyway, I am a naturally closed off person, I talk a lot to other people, but its really hard to get out words when I'm talking about how I feel about something, or what actually matters to me. So I deflect, and lie a little, and pretend everything is fine. Like usually the first appointment I'll be honest about why I'm there, but when they followed up at next sessions I'll just say that everything is fine, deflect, and move on. One time I ended up spending about 20 minutes telling the therapist what they can do to fix their computer at home. \n\nThe thing is, I got kind of pissed that they never caught on, like they should have held me to account and not get away with that. Then when they stopped reminding me to make a follow up appointment, I just stopped going. Like the person I'm paying to care doesn't even care to make sure I come back. Is this expected behavior, or did I just crap out with my therapists here?", "answer": "Out of curiosity, do you think you'd be able to share with a therapist that your M.O. is to be honest in the first session, and then start saying things are fine afterwards? That you need them to hold you accountable? I get what you mean that it'd be preferable for the therapists to sort of catch on themselves and at least call you out for not talking about anything after the first session. There are therapists that will catch on to things like that. But if you really want to try to get help without having to hop around to different therapists, you could try that. If it would be too hard for you to do that though since your tendency is to close off, then I guess the only other option (if you still want therapy) would be to keep shopping around until you find that therapist that's going to catch on and point out that you're not talking about anything. I get how frustrating it is to find the \"right fit.\"", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "e5izr7", "comment_id": "e5izr7"}, {"question": "Doesn't my 89-yr-old mother need some vitamins for energy?", "description": "**\\[F\\]\\[109lbs and 5ft 3in\\]\\[89yrs old\\]\\[nonsmoker\\]** These are my mother's stats, I am asking a question about her. She has *stage 4 COPD* \\(since 12\\-16\\) and *heart failure* \\(1\\-14\\). She also has a pacemaker. However, she just got a very good report from her cardiologist \\(3\\-18\\). And she uses Brovana and Pulmicort in her nebulizer twice a day, and Albuterol about 2 or 3 times a day. She does take Warfarin, alternating 1 pill and then 2 pills with the days of the week. She takes medicine that I don't know the names for for her thyroid, blood pressure, and one called isosorbide \\(sp??\\) that I can't remember what it's for, I think it helps her pulmonary valves, and a baby asprin. I can't remember what else, but it's not much. She lives in the deep Southeastern U.S. In very early 2000, she had surgery to repai*r one leaking heart valve and replace an*other.\n\nShe takes naps during the day, and gets anywhere from 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night. But. The **problem is that she says she feels really bad some days, and just has no energy at all.** This has been going on for almost a year. Now with her conditions, I can see how that might be a problem sometimes.\n\nBut she says it happens a great deal of the time. She doesn't have the greatest diet \\-\\- can't eat a lot of vegetables because of the **vitamin K clashing with the Warfarin**. Don't you think some vitamins might make her feel a little better? Give her a little more energy? I know a multivitamin isn't a good idea \\-\\- it might have vitamin K or something else to work against the blood thinner.\n\nBut I would think **vitamin D and B complex \\-\\- or maybe B12 shots** \\-\\- would really help with the fatigue and lack of energy, while C would help keep her immune system boosted, but none of the doctors I've talked to pay any attention to me so far. What do you think? **Or do you have any other ideas to boost energy and help her to feel better?** She can't exercise, so that's out. I'm worried about her; I hate to see her feeling so down.\n\nI would *really, really appreciate* some helpful feedback on this.", "answer": "She is elderly and has serious chronic health issues. It's sad but not terribly surprising that she doesn't feel good.\n\nThe specifics are not my area of expertise, but unless she has vitamin deficiencies there's no evidence that vitamin supplements improve health or energy and some limited population evidence that they can be harmful (although that's looking in the general population, not specific older and sicker groups). Probably the best thing is what exercise she can tolerate\u2014but that might be almost zero. In which case, again, probably with speaking to her doctors about reducing symptoms and improving quality of life. A palliative specialist may be helpful. They're not just for end of life and might have something to contribute.\n\nCOPD and CHF are not easy conditions to manage or live with.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8b0f3q", "comment_id": "8b0f3q"}, {"question": "I think I'm going crazy. Help?", "description": "I don't know how long this has been going on, so don't ask. It's all kind of a blur, but it's gotten worse recently. \nI hear things. Doors slamming, whispers, things that I can confirm aren't really there. Oftentimes, I'll hear what appears to be a small child and a grown man whispering my name. Along those same lines, I'll see things. Moving blurs out of the corner of my eye, what looks like the silhouette of a person. A fast moving person. But no one is ever there. This Is a very common occurrence, and It's quite scary. I'll get hallucinations (?) of very disturbing things. My brother's head sitting at a perfect 90 degree angle on the couch next to me with an unnatural grin on his face was the most recent one. Incredibly violent, grotesque thoughts. I'll laugh at people's pain. I laughed at the news of a shooting, for gods sake! It's like everything's flipped. I'll laugh where others would cry, and yet be unable to watch happy things. I'm also very paranoid. I feel like everyone's conspiring against me, trying to get me. I have major problems talking to people. I've been told i sound like a robot, because of how monotone i am. I'll talk to inanimate objects like they're people. Whenever i have an issue, ill talk to myself, argue with myself. I'm only one personality (i think) but ill have differing opinions on issues, and ill get headaches thinking about it. I'll get incredibly irritated with people for no particular reason, and ill go off on them uncontrollably. It doesn't feel like it's me saying the things i do, and ill go into extreme panic attacks everytime it happens. Ill just curl up into a ball, and be unable to talk or move for about 10 minutes. It's all terrifying.\nI'll answer any questions you may have about any of this. Help?\nTL;DR - I think I'm going crazy, what do I do?", "answer": "If you are having hallucinations, it is absolutely imperative you get to see a therapist or a psychiatrist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "17icd0", "comment_id": "17icd0"}, {"question": "I'm meeting my dad after years of not seeing him.", "description": "When I was young, my dad and my mum began to have issues within their marriage. However instead of being able to fix it, my dad stayed in the house less and less until eventually he stopped coming altogether. \n\nI've always had a close relationship with him since I was young and I kept in contact with him through email, and he does send me gifts and such for my birthday. \n\nThe same cannot be said for my brother, who hates dad for abandoning us. He rejected all attempts at connecting with dad, and still refuses to talk about him. I suppose, in a way, I'm the only person who still talks to my dad and maintains a family bond out of my family.\n\nMy dad has been trying to arrange a setting for me and him to meet up, perhaps eat at a restaurant. But although I'm happy to meet him, the lack of contact other than digital makes me anxious for what to do/say on the day. We haven't talked or met in around 5 years in real life, and I've experienced puberty and my body has matured throughout those years. I'm afraid he'll be thrown off by it, and it'll be the most uncomfortable meeting. Can anyone offer advice on what to talk about/what to do to repel any nerves on it?", "answer": "If you've stayed in touch it will go well. Just be yourself and trust your instincts. The right words will come out.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6fhk9m", "comment_id": "6fhk9m"}, {"question": "Mixing sertraline (or Zoloft) with recreational drugs and/or alcohol", "description": "Hi, I've recently been prescribed sertraline for depression and anxiety (dose of 50mg daily) and I'm wondering about the effects of mixing with acid, MDMA or alcohol. \n\nFor the record I would never mix alcohol with MDMA or acid, but have been known to take acid and MDMA together (candyflipping). \n\nI take MDMA around 4 times a year (mainly festival season but never really outside of it) and lose about 300mg each time. \n\nAs for acid, I generally take a tab and a half (150ug) when I take it, once every couple of months. \n\nI tend to drink a bottle of wine on the weekends, but am trying to cut down \n\nCan any one recommend or advise what the effects would be when mixing sertraline with the above?", "answer": "It's okay to drink in moderation with Zoloft. I don't know anything about mixing acid with Zoloft, but there's no obvious harmful interaction.\n\nMDMA is the one I would avoid here because of risk of serotonin syndrome (among other things, fever, diarrhea, vomiting, confusion, and muscle stiffness/jerking). There's not much in the way of research (hard to study illegal substances) and the anecdotes online suggest low risk, but there are definitely case reports of serious interactions and the mechanism makes sense. I would strongly recommend avoiding MDMA while on an SSRI.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8d4tcl", "comment_id": "8d4tcl"}, {"question": "I had my RMR tested. It was high! Now what?", "description": "I went to my local University's Sports Medicine facility and had my RMR tested yesterday. Because I have PCOS, I was expecting some ridiculously low number. Instead it was nearly 1900 calories!\n\nBackground:  I have PCOS and Hashimotos.  I'm on Synthroid and Metformin. I'm 5'5\", weigh 155lb, and I'm pretty muscular (I deadlift 260lb).   I do Crossfit 6x/week.  And while I'm not currently training for an event, I'm a distance runner (marathons and ultras).  Despite diets, drugs, and exercise, I've been this weight for about 3 years.  I usually eat around 1400-1500kcal a day, and track these in MFP.  \n\nSo my question:  If the scientific RMR testing is accurate and eat below my RMR, why doesn't  the scale budge?   Is it possibly over training/under eating?  ", "answer": "For what it's worth, I didn't start to lose weight until I STOPPED exercising. I lost a ton of weight in my abdominal area and overall feel better. Maybe you could be overtraining and undereating? Unless you somehow hyperventilated during the RMR test and the results aren't accurate......", "topic": "PCOS", "post_id": "41piit", "comment_id": "41piit"}, {"question": "What are 3 things that made you smile today?", "description": "From a funny quote in a movie, to something that happened in real life... What are 3 things that made you smirk or smile today? ", "answer": "1. Calming down a client in hysterics\n2. Talking to my fianc\u00e9 \n3. Deleting a post that made me feel worthless ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "abb9jf", "comment_id": "abb9jf"}, {"question": "My therapist has no clue...", "description": "After many arguments with my mother begging her to call back to the mental health clinic I was trying to get into, I was finally able to get an appointment a few months ago. So far I've been to three appointments and my last appointment led to me FINALLY being diagnosed with something (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), but I apparently also have an unknown personality disorder.\nNow, I have major interest in psychology and have research symptoms, read up on everything, and gave my therapist a few suggestions as to what I was believing it may have been. I didn't say \"this is what I have start treating me\", I simply mentioned my two suggestions as to what I felt was the closest symptom wise.\n\nThe first being Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I listed my symptoms, explained why I believed mostly that it may be this. I told her I had frequent mood swings that weren't long term and were happening rapidly within seconds. These emotions are intense, lack of black and white feelings so I was either extremely angry, extremely depressed, or extremely happy and when I experience these, as I like to call, episodes, they seem to be over just as quickly as they started up. This is when I go on the plane of numbness as I call it. I feel no emotion I'm just tired. There are a handful of other things that go on that also lead me to this, my constant paranoia of being abandoned (which happened, my ex left me saying I was a piece of shit for being mentally ill and all this other shit. I cut off contact with him), making up things that aren't really happening in relationships with people (i.e. He's not talking to me, he's cheating on me. He's ignoring me. He doesn't want me anymore, so on and so forth), I begin to think really silly things at times that make zero sense and are illogical as far as about normal everyday things and relationships, everything is boring to me now even if I used to enjoy it. It's just a mess that causes me to stress and panic.\n\nNow, I know this mood disorder is something major. I know it can lead to MANY problems in my life and make it very difficult to hold relationships, but the point of me bringing it up was the fact I was showing a lot of the symptoms and I know I listed a few, but those were the ones I could think of right now with my brain being so foggy. My therapist and I discussed this at the last appointment:\n\nMania/Bipolar is out of the questions since my mood swings aren't more long term (lasting only seconds instead of days), Borderline Personality Disorder was ruled out for ONE reason being \"you were in a relationships for two and a half years so you can't have BPD\"... What? From my understanding it's 5 or more symptoms and you have been diagnosed. I show up to 8. The logic behind it not being BPD and it being \"unknown\" was being able to hold onto a horrid relationship for two and a half years. It had never been stable, him and I were always walking on glass, and I would rip it all to shreds in a matter of seconds if I could WITH ZERO REASON and I loved this guy, I still do, we were doing great until I started getting sick and symptoms got worse. The duration of my relationship should have nothing to do with it... but the QUALITY should.\n\nAnyway, I walked out of the office extremely confused as to what my unknown personality disorder is and they have zero clue what it could be. The only thing brought up about it was my anxiety is causing it, but I've had anxiety my whole life and I've never been like this as far as my emotions spinning how they are. I don't know. I just wonder if I should seek another opinion or switch therapists.\n\nI left out info about myself so I'll include that. I'm a 17 year old female who literally has zero clue what to do anymore. I also forgot to mention my second idea was early schizophrenia, which I knew wasn't too close, but a few signs were there, but I wasn't exactly 100% set on this might be it and brought it up simply to see what my therapists thoughts were.", "answer": "First, some of the symptoms you described, while difficult and difficult to handle for you sound to me like normal teenage feelings just blown up. That means that they might get easier to handle as you get older. Being 17 isn't easy for anyone, I remember my teen years, but it sounds like you've had a more difficult time than you deserve. \n    \nSecond, while I don't understand your therapist's reasoning for ruling out BPD, I'm neither your therapist nor a licensed therapist in general. But, what I can tell you is that I have encountered many people diagnosed with \"Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified\". It's really common. My understanding is that because personality disorders are so broad, an individual can am have a few symptoms from column A, a few from column B, as is the nature of personality. I hope this isn't a barrier to your treatment, but it is possible. What you can do, though, is ask why your therapist ruled it out so quickly. \n    \nNow, don't despair about your treatment! Finding a therapist isn't an easy task, and if the fit with your current therapist isn't good, try to find another. I know you said getting the first appointment wasn't easy, but if you don't feel your mental health is benefiting, you should look into something different. \n    \nFinally, I want to caution you against researching symptoms. Schizophrenia is possible, but with what you've said here, I doubt it's what you're dealing with. And when you're with your therapist, focus more on being as accurate in your depiction of your symptoms individually, and let the therapist put it all together. \n    \nGood luck! It probably all feels like too much right now, but if you just focus on trying to get better, things can improve. \n    \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "25o0ze", "comment_id": "25o0ze"}, {"question": "Now that you have lived on your own, what is the best advice you would give to someone moving out for the first time?", "description": "F, 21, beginning to look at apartments for moving to Chicago from the suburbs. It will be my first time moving out. \n\nAll advice, tips, and lessons learned welcome !", "answer": "Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.\n\n...In general make sure you have cleaning supplies and if you're like me and suck at chores, clean as you go as much as possible and plan out when to do things like dishes, taking out trash, vacuuming, laundry etc. \n\nIf you're living with roommates this becomes even more important as you all will have to divide those duties.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "g1e5uy", "comment_id": "g1e5uy"}, {"question": "What are the most basic things one should do to feel good?", "description": "I'm not asking from a mental health perspective necessarily, just from a healthy perspective, but it can apply to mental health too.\n\nWhat are the most basic important things one should incorporate into their daily schedule to feel good and healthy? For instance, I wake up at approximately the same time daily, I sleep at approximately the same time, I always do my hair, dress nicely, do my make up, eat certain healthy foods, etc.\n\nI want to work on making some kind of schedule where healthy behaviors become natural. I sit around at home way too much and I want to change that.", "answer": "If you already have an established routine that works, one of the things I find is really helpful for clients I work with is getting an exercise routine going into their weekly schedule. I can really tell the difference in their mood and activity levels after they get into and maintain it. Doing any activities outside when it's sunny out is also a huge plus", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "etsxjw", "comment_id": "etsxjw"}, {"question": "AA meetings seacoast NH", "description": "So I am fairly new to AA (3 months strong) and I'm currently living in Utah and I have personally found a couple great meetings with some people who I really connect with. I recently had a friend contact me from back home and express an interest in giving it up and hitting some meetings but I'm not there to help and would love some recomedations. Person is 30sish and I just want them to have the same positive experience I have had so far with AA. Humor a plus. Thanks.", "answer": "Look into Granite Recovery and the Pritts Recovery Center in Salem NH. A lot of real good recovery there.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "d5mka6", "comment_id": "d5mka6"}, {"question": "What\u2019s Up Wednesday", "description": "It\u2019s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your struggles, triumphs, and general musings with us below!\n\n-----------------------------------------\n\n**Struggle:** I had a REALLY bad week. I was looking through some old photo albums to find a certain photo for someone else\u2019s birthday, and I stumbled upon a photograph of Mitch, my boyfriend that I adored who died when I was 28. I was not at all prepared for it, and it was extremely upsetting. I burst into tears, and I am not the crying type. (Mitch himself used to complain, \u201cIt takes an act of congress to get you to shed a tear.\u201d)\n\nThe night before I found the photograph, we\u2019d had a dinner party at my house, and there were still bottles of hard liquor out on the sideboard. It was so painful to see Mitch\u2019s face again that I seriously considered having a shot of vodka\u2014for the first time in years. \n\n**Triumph:** I thought\u2014this will NOT do. If Mitch\u2019s death is still so incredibly painful after all this time that I am actually considering drinking some vodka, then I need to get professional help. I looked online for a counselor within 50 miles of the little honky-tonk, seaside town where I\u2019ll be spending most of the winter in Florida and\u2014oddly enough\u2014discovered that a good and reputable therapist (who counsels people with both grief and addiction issues) has an office in the very same town, within a few minutes\u2019 walking distance of my mother\u2019s house. What are the chances? So I immediately made an appointment to see her when I go back there next month.\n\n**General:** The leaves are starting to turn here in the North Country, and there is that tang of pine trees in the cold night air and the smell of people burning wood fires. It\u2019s lovely.", "answer": "Struggle: Now that I am not drinking, I'm having a tough time with my husband's drinking.  He has cut back a lot and I'm really trying to notice and give him credit for that, and I'm reminding myself how long it took me to realize that I couldn't moderate successfully.  I feel like an asshole because I am starting to not like being around him when he's drunk and I'm sober.  He gets all affectionate, and all I can think about is the alcohol on his breath and that it's not really him being affectionate.  I don't know if I should try to talk to him about this or just keep reminding myself that he is trying.\n\nTriumph: Today is my 44th day sober.  I have never gone this long without drinking since I started drinking regularly, ever.  I am so proud of myself.  Also, on Monday I had a grueling day at work, and in the past I definitely would have used that as an excuse to stop by a bar on the way home - but this week I didn't.  I stayed sober.  Also, I am starting to get past feeling cranky/sad all the time on the weekends - this past weekend I only had a brief moment of cranky/sad and it passed.\n\nGeneral:  Yesterday after work I was standing outside with a colleague, and the breeze made it feel like fall is actually coming our way here in South Texas!  (Best time of the year - temperature finally dips below 95!)", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "d2jlsk", "comment_id": "d2jlsk"}, {"question": "Foggy mind and memory after waking up, did constant OCD-related compulsions previously", "description": "16, Male\n\nSo, this feeling is basically like... when I want to try and think about something a bit, it's like my mind doesn't wanna do it. It's like my mind is too tired to think about things, like it's exhausted and needs a break.\n\nDuring the weekend, I started to do compulsions for my worries as part of my OCD. These compulsions involve me thinking, or speaking, a few lines to tell myself that my worrying is irrational etc. These compulsions quickly became constant and hard not to do, refraining from doing them would make me feel anxious and panicky. I have spent 3 or 4 days in which I have did these compulsions all day (there have been a few breaks or decreases in frequency but it feels like it varies from every minute to every few minutes or whatever).\n\nI've been sleeping alright, getting at least 7 hours a night, but have still been going to bed late (usually around 1 - 2 AM). Since these compulsions, I have been getting more headaches and uncomfortable aches (I had a mild burning sensation at the back of my head for a bit last night). Right now I'm getting these aches, and they're not necessarily nice.\n\nPlease help me out with this. Thank you, and have a nice day. ;)\n\nNote: Yesterday, I actually get really stressed at one point because of these compulsions. I have also being rushing them slightly at times, and sometimes repeating them again and again and again because I can't get them right. I haven't been doing them non-stop all day but it still feels like I've been doing them too much.", "answer": "To clarify, have you been formally diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5738wl", "comment_id": "5738wl"}, {"question": "What are some things that you suspect may be related to your ADHD, but you have yet to see anyone else mention?", "description": "+ I am much less easily susceptible to being startled by loud noises, or by anything, really. \n\n+ I am extremely laid-back and never have a real sense of urgency.\n\nI'll try to think of more. What do you guys have?\n", "answer": "somewhat poor social skills in that I always seem to interrupt people when talking (due to always thinking about multiple things and then realizing something I need to share RIGHTNOW) and have trouble telling when I've taken a joke too far.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "10ck70", "comment_id": "10ck70"}, {"question": "Doctor looks at me like I'm nuts", "description": "24y/o female, 176cm 65kg, nerve/neck pain.\n\nFor the last 14 years I have this damn pain (spasm?) that happens when I turn my head too quickly. I hear a *click* and instantly get a white-hot pain spread from the back of my head around the sides and down my neck. It used to only hurt for a moment and then it would disappear, but now when it happens my vision blacks out, I start to feel nauseous and I have to sit down for a few minutes until it passes. Even when it passes my head still aches for a day or two.\n\n I have had multiple MRIs and xrays, and was diagnosed with a protruding disk between my C5-C6 vertebra in 2015. But every time I have told the various doctors about the spasm they look at me funny and say they've never heard of it/its probably normal/come back if it gets worse.\n\n I feel like I am going crazy. This has been happening since I was a kid and no one in the \"real world\" has any answers or ideas.. Please help\n\n\n\nEdit: thank you all so much for the suggestions and for making this gal feel less alone. You have given me a list of things to take to my doctor when I see her next. Bless you all.", "answer": "I get this too. But I have a condition called Ehlers Danlos and I think this is why.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "c5pd1r", "comment_id": "c5pd1r"}, {"question": "BF [26/M]liked picture of ex Tinder hookup in bikini and I [24/F] feel disrespected but don't know if I'm making this into a bigger issue than it is.", "description": "I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year now. Halfway into our relationship, I found out that a friend of his had actually been a Tinder hookup. After this, she became the source of many problems. For example, the first problem was when she threw a party and my boyfriend didn't invite me to go along with him. We have had other problems because of her. My boyfriend says she is a great networking connection, which is why he insists on staying friends with her. I have never asked him to drop her as a friend because I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. He recently liked a picture of her in a bikini and I got really upset because I felt it was disrespectful to me. I also told him it seems like a disgusting thing to do when you have a girlfriend and know she has a problem with this girl. We spoke and he said he doesn't see how it is disrespectful to me and that he doesn't think this is a big deal. He tells me he likes me and is with me for a reason. He also said he barely talks to her as she no longer lives in the same state so not a big deal. Thoughts? Am I really just blowing this out of proportion? \nThank you in advance for your help! \n\nEDIT: To answer some questions.\n1. He is very selective of likes. \n2. The reason I knew this friend and him had a history before was because of his manner when he brought her up. I finally asked him and after quickly saying no, he admitted to their history. Her party happened about a week or two after this. . I was not invited to it. Later, when I asked why after a long argument, he blurted out that he just wanted to have fun and knew that if he brought me along, I would most likely want to leave the party early.\n3. Everyone has insecurities but I like to think I'm pretty secure when it comes to female relationships. His best friend is a female and I've never meddled in that friendship. They hang out without me often because I encourage him to maintain relationships without me. He also is friends with other girls and it's never been an issue. \n3. Not that long ago, I found out that they had not just slept together once but had actually dated for a few weeks and the reason it didn't continue was because she preferred to stay friends. Three months after,  he and I met. \n4. Like I said, the reason this is upsetting is because he doesn't think it is a big deal despite knowing how I feel about her. For months he said that he was just keeping her in his life as a networking connection but later admitted she was a friend in the true sense of the word. \n5. I have cut off two guys from my life when they showed interest in me and didn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend. I did it because I wanted my boyfriend to feel secure. (And no, he didn't ask me to.)\n6. I know she was sending him daily snapchats for a while and always commented on his posts. Once to ask him to visit her since he was in the area. Don't know what she sends him through Snapchat but I assume they're innocent snaps. ", "answer": "you said//I really think he would rather end our relationship than his friendship with her. \n\nthis is a gigantic red flag!!!! why do you want to be with him????", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5vqxud", "comment_id": "5vqxud"}, {"question": "Ending it all on Sunday", "description": "Hi all, \n\nThis subreddit was something that made me feel more like a normal person cause it showed me how many of us feel the same. I am honestly hoping all of you will get better and depression will disappear from your lives, you all deserve to be genuinely happy. \n\nSome of us win and some of us lose this battle. I\u2019ve always felt bad and it kept growing on me. Everything about me and my life is fucked up and today I finally decided and was never this certain about anything. \n\nI am leaving this world on Sunday. I said goodbye to my little sister and brother, I am writing letters to my parents and the sister who\u2019s closest to me. One last meeting with people that will allow me to clear some things and on Sunday I\u2019m ending it all.\n\nEverything is planned and I am feeling rather calm about it. \n\nI just wanted to wish you all that you get better. You all deserve a good life and I hope you will win your battles. \n\n", "answer": "To quote someone brilliant: \u201cI absolutely understand as I\u2019m on the verge of doing that but please do not do this. I know that whatever I say won\u2019t make you feel better in any way but fuck, please don\u2019t do this. I\u2019m here if you need to talk.\u201d\n\nI mean it, too.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "ah3aul", "comment_id": "ah3aul"}, {"question": "I never thought the words that would destroy me would be \"He made me squirt.\" [NSFW] [jealousy] [severe insecurity] [stream of consciousness] (no pun intended)", "description": "My girlfriend and I are in a de facto open relationship. It's a bit weird, but the gist of it is that we allow each other to get the things we can't provide each other. (She's into D/s and I'm so vanilla H\u00e4agen-Dazs sends me hate mail; also, I'm bi.)\n\nAnd I use a lot of parentheses. (Deal with it.)\n\nI'm basically not a jealous person. At least I try not to be. And I can't stand the idea of demanding that she not get what she wants in order to assuage my stupidity.\n\nAnyway, today, we were sitting in her car having a serious conversation (we only seem to have them while sitting in cars), and she 'admitted' that she had been talking to her ex (in California) (which she had mentioned before), and that about a month ago she had been in a Skype-sex session with him, and... \"well, he made me squirt.\"\n\nEver felt like your balls just got kicked into your chest cavity while simultaneously taking a baseball bat to the gut? That's how I felt. It didn't feel at all like this when she asked if it was okay for her to have a D/s relationship with a guy here on reddit. It didn't even feel like that when she mentioned that she was talking to her ex, even when she acknowledged that it had gotten sexual.\n\nBut he made her squirt. He made her cum so hard from the other side of the country that she squirted for (what she says was) the second time in her life. I routinely give her orgasms whenever we meet (she claims I'm the only one who has ever fingered her to orgasm and the only one who has ever eaten her out). But she's never squirted for me, and it makes me feel inadequate.\n\nThe worst part is that it was eight years from the time my first girlfriend dumped me until I got another date, with someone who used my loneliness to manipulate me. [EDIT: To clarify, that was not my current girlfriend.] And during those eight years I had a lot of close encounters with the inner voice that whispered that I'd be better off dead. I even went so far as to formulate plans.\n\nThose four words brought the voice back.\n\nBefore you ask, I'm taking precautions (I'm in touch with people and I'm not drinking or using any drugs (not that I used drugs recreationally anyway)).\n\nIt's bad enough I'm an ugly nerd with a voice like the love child of Screech and Fran Drescher. But now I'm being outcompeted from the other side of the country. And I literally have no idea what to do to improve myself (besides the obvious 'lose weight, get ripped, win the lotto, magically grow a 12\" dick' stuff).\n\nI guess I've pretty much covered it. Sorry for ranting but I don't really have anywhere else.\n\n----\n\nEDIT: To clarify, I actually have some heavy-duty kinks of my own. They just fall well out of the BDSM spectrum.\n\n----\n\n**TL;DR:** He's better from two thousand miles away than I am in the same room, and it's enough to make me want to splatter my brains across the wall.", "answer": "I think squirting happens pretty randomly. Maybe she just happened to really be in the mood that day she talked to him on Skype, and it's quite possible that she would have squirted with you if you were the one who was Skype sexting her. Don't beat yourself over it, but I do know where you are coming from as I am also in a somewhat similar dynamic. Talk with your girlfriend about your feelings and maybe see what does make her squirt (if she thinks there is a common link between the first and second time) so you can try to do the same thing!", "topic": "MMFB", "post_id": "3honpb", "comment_id": "3honpb"}, {"question": "It's been a few destructive months lately. I simply cannot continue drinking.", "description": "I made my 3 year old nephew cry when I didn't show up to build birdhouses because I 'fell asleep'. Then I ruined Mothers Day and found this sub. I stopped drinking for a day and went back at it. This past Friday I got a DUI (I'm sorry to all motorists) in a state I don't live in and spent a few hours with, and hundreds of dollars to get away from, murderers and fellow addicts.\n\nI am leaving my boring, not-challenging job for a highly visible and important career in that other state at the end of June. I cannot carry this addiction into my new setting. I will probably face a license suspension which will be embarrassing enough to start my new career. I can't expect the company to tolerate the effects of my addiction and I can't tolerate them anymore either. I can't even socially drink anymore. If there is alcohol, I will drink it until it's gone or I pass out.\n\nI am successfully weaning off because I fear severe withdrawal symptoms. I'll have my last drink today for the rest of my life.\n\nI've lost religion many years ago but am considering attending church if only for that self-reflection time I think I miss and relied on in my younger years. With that and you lovely bunch of supporters, I hope I'll never need to reset my badge.\n\nHere's to better lives and lives WE control!", "answer": "AA worked for me, it doesn't work for everyone tho but I'd say it's worth a try.   I think it's also worth considering medications because the research shows that using medication increases the likelihood of success significantly. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "3883p4", "comment_id": "3883p4"}, {"question": "[24/f] My boyfriend [22/m] is inconsiderate and doesn't seem to be willing to change!", "description": "As the title says, my boyfriend is doing many inconsiderate things, both in bed and in everyday life. He is just plain lazy and when I confront him about it he says that 'I should know how lazy he is by now' and no remorse or whatsoever occurs.\n\n He doesn't remember special dates (duh most of guys don't, but he doesn't do anything about them even if I remind him) as our anniversary, my birthday, my graduation. He always puts his mother and sister before me (he still lives with them). He doesn't understand he hurts me when he sends hearts and compliments to his female friends on social media. He criticizes my apperance (I'm 160cm tall and weight 63kg), especially my butt, because he likes big ones and so he thinks I should 'get one for him'. He often calls me stupid, stubborn and hard to please, while all I ever wanted from him was understanding and respect, nothing else. He lied to me plenty of times and cheated on me once, 6 months ago and I think this is where our relationship started to worsen. And while he swears he understood his mistake and would never do that again, that there is only me, I can't bring myself to believe him and he gets upset for the lack of trust I have. He doesn't understand it is due to his past behavior.\n\nAnother thing is sex. He has good days but mostly sex looks like this - I give him massages, kisses all over, oral etc and I always fullfil his wishes when he feels like doing 'this and that'. He gives me a 10-minute rushed foreplay and springs right to intercourse. Even when I ask him for a certain thing (altho it is a serious challenge for me as I'm insecure about my body and sometimes I just feel like he thinks I'm repulsive) he usually says he's going to do it later but doesn't, does it for a minute and drops it or just plain says 'but I already did that to you, c'mon'. Of course usually he comes and I don't. He often tells me he'll finish pleasing me after a quick shower, but then after that shower nothing really happens.\nI'll just add that when he has his good days, he can please me very well.\n\nIn everyday life he is fun to be with, I'm never bored and I love him, but then I feel like I am the glue of this relationship. He is even so lazy that when we sit and watch a movie or hangout or whatever, he doesn't get up to get sth he needs but only tells me to bring it to him. And of course gets upset when I refuse.\n\nI'm starting to feel very bad about myself because I am a strong woman that takes no crap from anybody, yet I let this guy turn me into someone I'm not. I don't feel like his partner, I feel like his puppet. I confronted him about it many times but he never has an answer and I don't know what else to do. I am so tired yet don't want to leave him, so I'm asking you guys for possible solutions.\n\nI'm sorry for the long post. ", "answer": "if he won't change, you have a big decision to make", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qngy5", "comment_id": "6qngy5"}, {"question": "Is there a way to stop kicking in my sleep so my wife can sleep more peacefully?", "description": "I kick, toss, turn, and twitch so much in my sleep I often need to migrate to the couch or another bed in the middle of the night to allow my wife to rest properly. I disturb her sleep so much it alters her entire mood the next day. I feel terrible disturbing her so badly. It hasn't caused any marital problems or notable issues (aside from irritability) as of yet but I don't want it to lead to anything that could cause any sort of separation between us. \n\nAre there any solutions to sleeping more soundly or controlling my restlessness so we can continue sharing our bed together? Do any experts know what may be causing this to begin with? ", "answer": "Oh god, sleeping next to my SO is like sleeping in a canoe full of badgers. We're moving soon, so I did some research on this, under the idea that we might get a new bed, mattress, etc. when we move. That or I will start to drug him.\n\n- Apparently if the offending party takes melatonin, this helps some\n- An old spring mattress + boxspring + crappy frame is the worst combo for motion transfer, which is what we have, hooray. Apparently any improvement on any of these factors helps.\n- Memory foam mattresses, and slat-based frames are better. Twin mattresses side-by-side are supposedly the best.\n- Even a memory foam topper helps some -- you sink in so the crazy sleeper can't move as much.\n\nhttp://www.sleeplikethedead.com/mattress-isolation.html had some useful info too in terms of mattress types\n\nDisclaimer: we haven't actually tried any of these yet.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "445pno", "comment_id": "445pno"}, {"question": "Why We Abuse Weed (And How To Stop)", "description": "Hi /r/leaves. You may remember me from my previous post, *[How To Stop Smoking Weed And Get Your Life Together](https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/568ocy/i_spent_the_past_week_writing_this_guide_on_how/)*. This post looks at *why* we can't moderate our smoking habits, and how we can change our values to set ourselves up for success.\n\nI also posted it [on Medium](https://medium.com/@rajeckas/why-you-abuse-weed-and-how-to-stop-3cce5adacbb5#.k4b0cq8hm), if you'd prefer to read it in that format.\n\n---\n**Why We Abuse Weed (And How To Stop)**\n---\n\nI recently finished Mark Manson\u2019s book *The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck*. This article is inspired by some of the concepts he discusses. I highly recommend it to everyone except my grandmother, as she disapproves of vulgar language and is also dead.\n\n---\n**Our Actions Are Based On Our Values**\n---\n\nSomething made you click on this link and start reading this article.\n\n\nWhat was it?\n\n\nMaybe you\u2019re trying to quit weed and you thought reading this article would help you. \n\nMaybe you have a friend who is trying to quit weed and you thought reading this might help you understand them.\n\n\nWhatever the case, there\u2019s an underlying value driving your decision. \n\nIf you\u2019re trying to quit, that value might be constant self-improvement. If you\u2019re trying to help your friend, the value might be compassion for others.\n\n\nThis article will help you pull out the values driving your weed addiction, change them, and stop smoking weed.\n\n---\n**We Abuse Weed Because Our Values Suck**\n---\n\nLet\u2019s look at the actions of two imaginary people I just made up, Chris and Jebediah.\n\nChris and Jebediah both enjoy weed.\n\nChris smokes a joint once a week with his buddies. He has a great time, and doesn\u2019t feel the need to smoke after his high goes away. He\u2019s content with a sober reality, and getting high is pretty low on his list of priorities.\n\nJebediah smokes every night by himself. He doesn\u2019t have a great time, and MUST smoke after his high goes away. He\u2019s not content with a sober reality, and getting high is number one on his list of priorities.\n\nSo what\u2019s the difference between Chris and Jebediah? Why can Chris smoke responsibly while Jebediah hotboxes his lungs every night?\n\nChris and Jebediah have different values driving their actions.\n\nChris values immediate pain. Any time he is confronted with pain, he looks to deal with that pain responsibly instead of hiding from it in the superficial, temporary pleasure of weed.\n\nJebediah values immediate pleasure. Any time he is confronted with pain, he hides from it in a blunt instead of dealing with it in a responsible manner\n\nLet\u2019s dive into a scenario to make this a bit clearer.\n\nChris and Jebediah have an exam coming up next week. They both know they need to study a few hours every night in order to pass the exam.\n\nI don\u2019t consider studying to be a fun activity. It\u2019s hard and boring and painful, especially if it involves numbers and doing things to them. And because Chris and Jebediah are figments of my imagination, they also feel this way.\n\nChris embraces the pain. He studies hard and passes the exam. Passing the exam makes him feel good. It turns out achieving your goals feels pretty fucking awesome. Chris likes feeling pretty fucking awesome, so he decides to prioritize studying over getting high.\n\nJebediah rejects the pain. Reading a textbook and taking notes for 10 hours sounds like a really shitty use of his time. Why should he endure that pain when he can feel great right fucking now? So he lights up. He feels pretty good while he\u2019s high, but a wave of anxiety-inducing thoughts hits him once he comes down\u2026\n\n*Why the fuck did I smoke? I needed to study. Fucking idiot. Now I\u2019m going to fail. There\u2019s no point in trying to study now, I need to get an A and I\u2019ll barely be able to pull a C. I hate feeling like this. I should smoke\u2026*\n\nJebediah was already stressed about the test. Instead of actually studying for the test to alleviate that stress, he got high. Now he\u2019s anxious about the fact that he smoked to avoid a necessary responsibility in addition to the exam stress. \n\nJebediah hates the anxiety that permeates his sober reality. So he gets high to avoid the anxiety, which makes him even more anxious. It\u2019s a vicious cycle. I\u2019m sure many of you are quite familiar with it.\n\nThe key takeaway is each person\u2019s reaction to pain. Chris deals with it when it\u2019s presented to him, and while it kind of sucks in the moment, he is ultimately much better off. Jebediah, who avoids the pain by getting high, turns into a stoned and anxious wreck, and gets a shitty exam grade to boot.\n\nIf you\u2018re more of a Jebediah than a Chris, then you value immediate pleasure over immediate pain. And if you\u2019re going to stop smoking, you must learn to flip that value on its head.\n\n---\n**Changing Our Values**\n---\n>\"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons.\" \u2014 Jim Rohn\n\n*Okay Steve, I understand I need to get my shit together and stop getting high instead of doing stuff that actually matters. But how can I do that?*\n\nYou need to associate activities that are initially painful with the growth and long-term pleasure they eventually bring. Likewise, you need to associate activities that are initially pleasurable with the stagnation and pain they eventually bring.\n\n*Okay! Great! Now how do I do THAT?!*\n\nChange your values.\n\nInstead of valuing the avoidance of pain in favor of immediate pleasure, value embracing pain in favor of long-term happiness.\n\nJust fucking do it. Don\u2019t think about it. Don\u2019t analyze it to death. Just change your values, change your actions to reflect those values, and you\u2019re done.\n\nWhatever your situation, whatever painful challenges you\u2019re facing\u2026 you need to take responsibility for those challenges. Accept that it will be fucking painful, and then take it on anyway.\n\nOnce you start doing this, you\u2019re going to notice something funny. Even if you fail and life kicks you in the teeth, you\u2019ll find you\u2019re ultimately better off for it.\n\nLet\u2019s take another look at Jebediah. If Jebediah stops smoking blunts for a week, genuinely puts in the effort to study, and bombs his test anyway\u2026 he\u2019s no worse off than before. Sure, it sucks to put effort into something and still fail, but you\u2019ve got to fail before you can succeed. Jebediah might realize he needs to put in more than 10 hours of studying to pass his next exam. He\u2019s learned from his initial failure, and now he\u2019s more likely to succeed the next time around.\n\nEverything in life is like this. Once you start failing regularly\u2026 you\u2019ll realize that failing is fine. It\u2019s perfectly normal. Everyone who has ever been successful at anything has failed a fuck-ton of times. Take it from me. I can write pretty well, but I went through years of shitty essays and embarrassing proof-reading sessions to get here. All it takes is time.\n\nI know this seems like some bullshit cliche self-help advice. But doesn\u2019t it make sense? Repeated actions form habits. Actions derive themselves from values. If we change our values, we change our actions. If we change our actions, we change our habits\u2026 habits like smoking weed all day.\n\nEvery action you take comes from some value. I didn\u2019t decide to quit my job and write full-time for the fuck of it. I did so because I value my independence, and I acted in accordance with that value. Even an action as simple as tying your shoes comes from valuing your health and well-being. Tripping down some stairs because your shoes were untied doesn\u2019t really align with that value.\n\nIf you need a reminder, try writing your new value down and keeping it in your wallet. Read it a few times a day. Instill into your brain that this new value will be the one your actions will be based on.\n\nDon\u2019t be afraid to fail. If you smoke, just try again. Try until you succeed. And you will succeed.\n", "answer": "We abuse weed not because of any of this shit. It's self medicating, for what? For mental illness- depression, anxiety, trauma, even adhd. Self esteem issues. Physical issues, digestive problems. Pain. Fear. Attachment issues. A lack of self growth, and the discomfort that comes with it. \n\nNot core values. We need to seek treatment for these issues underlying and then we can let it go", "topic": "leaves", "post_id": "5u8wp1", "comment_id": "5u8wp1"}, {"question": "How low does your bottom have to be? An aid to finding gratitude.", "description": "Used to think mine was high - still had externals, but I had dug myself an emotional hole it took years to climb out of.\n\nLast night at my AA meeting in prison, I heard a story - with few details that digs so much deeper.  At fifteen, in a blackout, he killed someone.  Tried as an adult he is, sixteen tears later, in prison with no end date.  At some point in next ten years he will be eligible for parole but these days it is rarely given for murder convictions.\n\nSo, my friends, if you are thinking any element in your life sucks, that your life is fucked, think of this guy.   He is sober and attending AA in prison, he's trying - fighting a pretty big black hole.\n\n", "answer": "I heard a man speak the other day, whose share put me in tears. He was around 50 years old, and had been sober for some 20 years and he found out a few weeks ago that he has very painful terminal disease(I didn't ask specifics). However he refused to take his pain meds because he didn't want his 6 and 9 year old kids to see what he was like before he got sober. He couldn't even shake my hand because it was too painful. It was the most powerful experience I have ever heard in my life.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1ewclk", "comment_id": "1ewclk"}, {"question": "i am an uncurable delusional person with OCD who wants to scream because no one supports or replies to me here and no one understands!", "description": "i already take zoloft genius but i stil have this 1 ''phenomenon'' that has destroyed my life, my happiness, my will to live, i can't stop thinking about my reaction to a unsettling event that happened last year, i have practically habitually created a figment in my mind where i feel something is not right leading to psychosomatic feelings of Severe Nausea and Dissociation, i am confident this is not OCD now and rather a Form of psychosis and Dissociation created by me mentally, i actually believe this ''energy'' comes from a higher place out to torment me, this all stemmed from an event and the way i reacted to that, who knows what it is, PTSD? Flashback? Psychosis?", "answer": "You're putting this comment in an OCD forum. If this is even in part OCD, treat it like it is.  Stop reinforcing the idea that it's real, and start acting like it's the figment of your imagination that's uncomfortable, but not the end of the world.  \n\nLastly, have you tried meeting with a therapist who specializes in OCD? If not do this. If you have, and believe they didn't understand you, then try another one.  If they are all telling you it's not the reality you think it is, then you may be wrong in your assumptions that it's a delusion. ", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "6p12az", "comment_id": "6p12az"}, {"question": "My mother just had blood tests and we're a bit worried about the results, we'd appreciate a second opinion", "description": "Age: 58\n\nSex: Female\n\nWeight: 150 Ib (68-67 Kg) \n\nHeight: 5'3 (1.60m)\n\nRace: Arab but looks caucasian idk\n\nMedications:Eutirox 75mg Levotiroxina Sodica for hypothyroidism \n\nshe previously had an operation to remove an enlarged Thyroid, she has to do regular checkups on her thyroid, in one of the checkups she decided to do a blood and vitamin D test and here are the results:\n\n[blood test results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=139b-DNJfqS6G2L1C45vde_jKypk-sveC) \n\nas you can here cholesterol levels are high and the doctor recommended a drug called \"Simvastatine\", and upon googling it (because I don't trust these 3rd-world hacks) i find out that it has some serious side effects like liver damage, \"lol just fix your cholesterol problem by destroying your liver bro\".\n\n[vitamin D results](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1RyK1K5nyTGCkgyK7bYTGrrEgqw_voNdh)\n\n[vitamin D prescription](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1OccUfPwZIEXPQQ6pjQbN6WZRbDdpWwtZ)\n\nthe prescription for vitamin D deficiency contains some back shots, are those really necessary? what are your general recommendations for her condition doctors?", "answer": "Simvastatin (and other statins) are very commonly prescribed. Liver enzyme elevation can happen, but it\u2019s relatively uncommon. Serious damage is very rare. Statins are one of the most prescribed drugs in the world and are safe and effective.\n\nThere\u2019s a surprising lack of good guidelines for vitamin D deficiency. Shots are reasonable. It\u2019s usually possible to use pills instead, but not always, and I wouldn\u2019t take over without information.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cgvzla", "comment_id": "cgvzla"}, {"question": "PTSD with an event that is not yet over?", "description": "The question is not about me, but I am trying to learn about a treatment strategy in order to do research (I work in a healthcare related field).\n\nThere appear to be a number of approaches used for patients who have PTSD due to a trauma that happened in the past. What treatment and management is used with a patient who is still experiencing an ***ongoing*** traumatic event? Obviously in cases of abuse the patient is encouraged to leave the situation, but that is often, literally, impossible in a non-abusive traumatic situation.\n\nI would like to provide an example:\n\nA patient has PTSD related to past chemotherapy. She is now undergoing a second round of chemotherapy and has panic attacks related to seeing medical equipment, nurses, even the front doors of the clinic.\n\nThis is different than someone whose trauma is isolated to the past (i.e. car accident, war veteran, spousal abuse, etc.). The things that cause her to experience fear are ongoing and ***unavoidable***. No one in good conscience can recommend the patient simply avoid the triggers: the chemotherapy.\n\nI do not work with any therapists at this time and have the interest, but not the expertise, to learn about who we should refer these patients (and their families) to in future. What classification or treatment is used to help them? How are patients counseled to survive ongoing or periodic traumatic events in a 'healthy' way?", "answer": "You can absolutely diagnose PTSD in an ongoing trauma. The criterion regarding time is >1 month. An example of ongoing PTSD is first responder work. \n\nTreatment is based on symptoms. EMDR is highly effective, as is neuro feedback. Talk therapy and anxiety reduction, CBT and DBT can all be effective trauma-informed strategies. One of the best things I learned during residency is make the intervention match the symptom: physiological symptoms respond well to physiological interventions and so on.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f8fd2k", "comment_id": "f8fd2k"}, {"question": "I feel like an addict", "description": "Hey guys and girls, just wanted to share with you a struggle that I\u2019ve wondered about for a while and haven\u2019t got to posting until now. \nI find that when I pick up a new activity, be it rock climbing, a new game, a new way of making food, and especially anything media related, I will focus solely on that thing and that thing alone for days at a time. It\u2019s like a mini addiction that spans a week, and then it\u2019s into the next one, that\u2019s how I can explain it best. Does anyone else have this problem? It just feels like I hyperfocus on these things and can\u2019t stop to do important things like eating properly, doing chores, or make it to social events and it\u2019s frustrating to know it\u2019s happening but in the moment \u201cIt\u2019s fine\u201d and I don\u2019t care", "answer": "Reading about the holocaust was probably my worst one...\n\nI'm stuck in between addictions atm. Trying to find a new one. Chernobyl was my most recent.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "g7nnec", "comment_id": "g7nnec"}, {"question": "Seeking advice from any mental health professionals out there, and advice in general.", "description": "For more than a little while now,  I feel cut off from social situations in all aspects of my life. I greatly value my solitude and all that it brings. I feel safe when I'm alone,  and have even been cutting out close friends from my life. No one understands things the way I'd like them to and I feel like I can't properly communicate my ideas and thoughts to anyone around me. I don't like people because I feel they are untrustworthy and will no doubt cause trouble for me or bring me pain in some way. \nI feel like I'm in a dream most days,  I know everything is there, but find it hard to make myself come to terms with the existence of it all,  I don't feel like I can trust my perceptions a lot of the time. Partly because of the reason I just mentioned and partly because sometimes I think I see shadows moving out of the corners of my eyes (which can be normal for people to see, especially when tired) but I don't have to be tied to see them,  and it happens in broad daylight. In addition to those I have frequent thoughts of violence or sexual things, I don't like these thoughts, and really don't want to act on them,  but they come out of nowhere most the time and I am getting increasingly bothered by it.  \nI keep trying to get others in my life to see things the way I do,  or at least give them some perspective on what I've been feeling, but I feel that they mostly disregard what I'm saying as normal angst for a young adult. I don't believe I have anyone in my life to talk to about any of it. My friends just tell me that it's weird and move on. They can't understand why I think the way I do,  or why I want to be alone. I don't feel comfortable around people,  not because I'm overly anxious, but rather because I can't seem to relate to others like I feel I should. I'm sorry if that was hard to read but I am on my phone, and am very confused as of what to do, so I'd really appreciate any help I can get. I just want to know what might be wrong. ", "answer": "I'm still in school, so not yet a professional. But it sounds like you could really benefit from seeking therapy. There are many places that work with people with low income, and hopefully you can find something affordable. Check Psychology Today's therapist finder tool, its great. \nFinally, going to talk to a therapist can be hard. But they are there for you, and are primarily interested in helping you feel heard. \n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "34i16r", "comment_id": "34i16r"}, {"question": "Concern with medications", "description": "38/f here. Diagnosed with PTSD (due to physical and sexual abuse as a child), depression, and generalized anxiety. Also agoraphobic.  \nEarlier this year, my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin. I'd never taken any anti-depressants before so it was all new to me. I had to start taking 150mg the first week, then up it to 300mg every day after that first week. I did that, but then about a month after starting it, I was having suicidal thoughts and hearing voices (not even anything intelligible, just sounded like someone screaming in my head). My doctor recommended I go back down to 150mg daily.   \nI've had some rough days this week. No cause that I can pinpoint specifically, just feeling more 'down' than I regularly do on my normal dose of Wellbutrin. I called the doctor's office and the nurse said since the max I was prescribed daily is 300mg, I can take that full dose on days when I feel 150mg isn't doing enough.\n\nHas anyone else experienced this? If so, do you have a regular schedule that you take your max dose (like maybe every other day), or do you just take it as needed?", "answer": "Unfortunately, that can be one of the side effects in Wellbutrin. So you probably find yourself stuck in between \"effective dose but bad side effects\" and \"no major side effects but dose is not as effective as I'd like.\"\n\nQuestion- what else are you doing to address your mental health besides taking the Wellbutrin? Taking a medication for something like PTSD/anxiety/depression can be helpful in taking the edge off, so to speak, but it will not make the underlying concerns that spark those symptoms go away.\n\nPerhaps while you are working with your doctor to figure out an appropriate dosage, I would take a look at some other things you can do to help with the symptoms. That might be coping skills, proper diet and exercise, adequate sleep, etc. That can also include seeing a counselor or attending a support group. Stuff like that.\n\nI would follow what your doctor recommended and schedule a follow-up appointment with them to address your concerns about the Wellbutrin dosage. Perhaps they may be able to recommend an alternative dosage or perhaps a different anti-depressant that you may be able to tolerate better. It can be trial and error sometimes finding the best dosage and medication for your specific body chemistry.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "cvt46q", "comment_id": "cvt46q"}, {"question": "Depression, Anxiety, or something else", "description": "Hey folks,\n\nI'll just jump right into it.\n\nPsychological symptoms:\n-I worry about everything, even something as simple as having to brush my teeth before bed, I just dread doing any chore or any activity always, for no specific reason.\n-I never feel proud of anything or follow through on anything.\n-I appear very social to friends/family but social interaction feels like a job and never want to do it, I am pretty much a recluse throughout the week.\n-I don't necessarily feel down emotionally, but I'm never excited or happy either.\n\nPhysical symptoms:\n-joint pain, particularly lower body.\n-stuffy nose lots of mucous, usually thick but clear never runny, but almost always stuffed up.\n-brain fog or feeling very strange at times.\n-extreme bloating, not overly gassy, but my stomach looks like I'm pregnant after eating almost anything, I can't sit down after eating I must lay or stand.\n-low vitamin D (avid golfer, walk to work, like the outdoors so this is strange)\n\nI can never have a relaxing break from my brain, it feels like I always always always have something that needs to get done, or some task that needs completion and most of the time I end up getting none of it done because it's easier to try to ignore it, I cannot relax on any situation, it's been years since I've been in public and been totally at ease (except when drunk)\n\nAdvice, questions, tips, anything...I'm open to suggestions. Thanks in advance.", "answer": "Sounds like youre constantly distressed by your experiences. Could be generalised anxiety +/- a depressive disorder, but the only way to know is to get checked out via GP/PCP or direct to psychiatry. Youll need some routine blood tests to rule out other medical conditions.\n\nVarious options are available, have a read: [Anxiety etc.](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problemsdisorders/anxiety,panic,phobias.aspx), [Depression](http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5fq9qc", "comment_id": "5fq9qc"}, {"question": "Facing reality", "description": "Recently I\u2019ve come to terms with how messed up my head is and have promised myself I\u2019d work on that fully, rather than ignore it all with distractions such as attention/alcohol/drugs/etc and this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Since I\u2019m no longer running away from my issues I see them so much clearer and it\u2019s become so obvious to me how little sense of self or selves I have and the personality I thought I had and that people know me for is really just a mask I put on while running from my fears and past. I feel like I have to completely knock down every inch of myself and build myself back up to try and find a true happy me, which is super hard when I have little to no support system. Trying to get better is so much harder and scary than I ever expected I wish I could just erase my whole life and start over again ", "answer": "This sub is sometimes a mess but there has been so much positivity, progress, courageous sharing, and hard, helpful words lately. It's really wonderful to see and to know that people aren't just accepting the world as it feels in the moment. How beautiful it is. ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7gz1ol", "comment_id": "7gz1ol"}, {"question": "Opening Up On Dates", "description": "I'm a 20 M who is looking for advice on how to open up and really be myself when going on dates.\n\nA bit of background about me: i'm a decent looking guy, play sport, work part time, volunteer and I am doing pretty well academically at university (eventually want to become a dentist). I have never had a serious girlfriend, although I have had numerous casual relationships in the past. I have always believed that I haven't found the right person to commit to yet.\n\nIn the past two years I have been on many dates, with a few leading to second and third dates although nothing serious has happened beyond that.\n\nThe main issue I have found is that I find it really difficult to open up to girls and let them know more about me and this might be due to a lack of confidence. This means I also find it difficult to really relax and be myself when i'm around girls. I'm definitely an outgoing person who loves to have a laugh and muck around with my close friends, but I can never seem to really show this side of myself to the girls I take out on dates. \n\nAny help will be much appreciated \ud83d\ude0a\n\nTL;DR\n20M Who really struggles to open up and be confident when going on dates.", "answer": "i wouldn't stress;  you'll open up when you meet the right one. most people open up too soon to two many people about too much! ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5tl7vj", "comment_id": "5tl7vj"}, {"question": "Please help me out, what does it sound like I have?", "description": "I really want some answers. I've been left in the dark for years. My aunt said the mental diagnosis I had before said I fell under something because of these things bout myself: I binge eat and eat very fast, I get overly attached to girls at first site, I am very defensive, I am very emotional and sensitive in irrational ways half of the time, I have poor self awareness and change my style often. I never had a relationship with my parents, and when I did they were very terrible to me. My mom would insult me and my dad would ignore my calls and texts for days. I always watch dog my phone in hopes of messages and never get off my computer for that same reason. Can anyone give me some idea of what's wrong with me and how I can fix it? I am 16, my grandparents never really taught me many boundaries when I was young.", "answer": "As the other poster said, you should go see a therapist/psychologist. \n    \nThat being said, what you listed does have some in common with Borderline Personality Disorder. Which makes it more imperative that you go see a therapist. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "1wcmjx", "comment_id": "1wcmjx"}, {"question": "Long term effects of SSRI use?", "description": "I\u2019ve been on anti depressants pretty much my whole life. Fluvoxamine at age 8 when diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and then Escitalopram at 18 when the Fluvoxamine was no longer working. It\u2019s crazy and a little scary to think how this medication has effected my body? My liver?", "answer": "You were given antidepressants at age 8? Wow.\n\nIn practice antidepressants are fairly safe for long term use - usually untreated mental illness confers more risks. ", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "75w4os", "comment_id": "75w4os"}, {"question": "Outside of the hospital/clinic (i.e., at your child\u2019s school), how do you introduce yourself?", "description": "This definitely isn\u2019t a medical issue, but I\u2019m not sure where to ask this. My dad is a physician, but he doesn\u2019t ever introduce himself as Dr. when he\u2019s not working. Is this common? And if my significant other were to address him, is Dr. too pretentious?", "answer": "In a situation that calls for honorifics, a \"doctor\" in place of Mr./Mrs./Ms. would be reasonable. And traditional, but in most circumstances I think a few decades out of date. In most situations I'll introduce myself by my first name. I guess I don't go to enough black tie events that it's come up!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9s7g2l", "comment_id": "9s7g2l"}, {"question": "When is a hug ok?", "description": "I am a manager. My employee told me her grandfather had passed away and so I initiated a hug. \n\nShe did not seem to mind and from my point of view appreciated my sympathy. My wife was visiting my work when this happened and thinks the hug was inappropriate since I am her direct supervisor and I have only known her for 2-3 months. She thinks I need more boundaries in a work place setting.\n\nThe employee is a pretty attractive woman and even though I am her direct supervisor, I see her as more of a peer/ coworker. \n\nYour opinion please.", "answer": "I got hugs from several TSA officers this past weekend thanks to looking like shit from grieving my dog\u2019s passing. I didn\u2019t feel that it was inappropriate of them and definitely would not have any complaint for any HR department.\n\nI feel like death is one of those things that makes hugs okay as long as the person is open to it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "ce9mgd", "comment_id": "ce9mgd"}, {"question": "First day on Klonopin - normal to sleep all day?", "description": "Hey, \n\nToday is my first day on Klonopin and I've almost literally slept all day. Is this normal?\n\n(anxietyadventures.WordPress.com)", "answer": "Yes- it is basically a sedative.\n\nBe careful with it, and don't take it for too long. Benzodiazepines like that are notoriously addictive. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "w6ybo", "comment_id": "w6ybo"}, {"question": "Examples of Fallacious Arguments for Psychiatry you may see.", "description": "Irrelevant Appeal to Authority:\n\n\"Dr.[Insert Name Here] graduated from a good college with a PhD. and says that prescribing LSD for Autism is a viable strategy, therefore it is.\"\n\nAd hominem:\n\n\"How can you believe the argument of a crazy person, when by definition: they are crazy!\"(This also is fallacious for other reasons too.)\n\nPost hoc ergo propter hoc:\n\n\"My life improved after I took [Insert Psychiatric Drug or trial drug that may have been a placebo] therefore it must've helped me!\"\n\nCircular Reasoning:\n\n\"Autism is a disability, because it is listed as a disability.\"\n\nMissing Middle Fallacy:\n\n\"You either take Antipsychotics for ADHD or Stimulants.\"\n\nEquivocation:\n\n\"How could you be against getting help when you get help all the time.\"\n\nAntipsychiatric fallacies you see a lot:\n\nPsychologists fallacy(the irony):\n\n\"I was restrained, shocked, and tortured by Psychiatry. Therefore Psychiatry is evil.\"\n\nI didn't list all of them and please list more in the comments. Also I couldn't think of anymore antipsych fallacies.", "answer": "Logic is a very useful tool for determining what is true or untrue. It is necessarily useless for evaluating the premises that are the basis of logical evaluation\u2014any such use would be circular. And for value judgments, whether something is good or bad, useful or useless, logic is very frequently misused.\n\nThis post is helpful if you're concerned about finding logical fallacies. Finding fallacies may undermine an argument, but it doesn't let you either evaluate the premises or the conclusion. That would be denying the antecedent, or informally the \"fallacy fallacy.\"\n\nBoth psychiatry advocates and anti-psychiatry advocates can and do use bad formal logic all the time. People use bad logic; it's a human flaw. That cannot, in itself, be used to draw any conclusions except, perhaps, that there exist some members of a given group who are bad logicians.\n\nIt's easy to get caught up in dissecting the syllogisms and losing sight of the actual question at hand.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7ulcfe", "comment_id": "7ulcfe"}, {"question": "How to get over it.", "description": "I recently cut all ties with the girl i was in love with for two years. It is clear that we will most likely never be close again. Please give me some advice on how to get over her, I feel so drained and now i feel like i have no purpose in life, kinda like a part of me was taken away.", "answer": "grief takes time...  you'll get there", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mtdpj", "comment_id": "5mtdpj"}, {"question": "I\u2019m still receiving bills from my suicide attempt", "description": "I have insurance, I didn\u2019t ask for this hospital stay it was court ordered. And yet the bills have been rolling in for months. Be advised if you plan to call for \u201chelp.\u201d", "answer": "Damn I am so sorry!! By help do you mean a crisis hotline? I'm glad that you're still here...doesn't sound like these were physical injuries which is good. But financial debt is no joke!! \n\nAnyway, I used to work for a crisis hotline. If anything, do NOT say you're about to harm yourself, but DO call. Emphasize what you feel but don't focus on a plan to carry it out. Even if you do have one, it will only work against you. What callers need is connection, and these additional details will not help in that. Sure it will give you more time with the hotline but thats only because authorities are coming out. Some hotlines will stay with you a long time without expressing a definitive plan. If one call is brief, call another, and then another...Call all over the country. I'm sorry your reaching out for support ended this way. Also I'm sorry if I misunderstood the sequence of events. I just want to encourage other redditors to call crisis hotlines as a former crisis counselor with periodic suicide ideation.", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "d53f4b", "comment_id": "d53f4b"}, {"question": "Debate about kids.. how to move forward?", "description": "Me [30/M] and my girlfriend [29/F] are having discussions about whether we want to have kids. \n\nHer stance: yes, definitely and rather sooner than later (within next few years). My stance: definitely not now, but some day but I don't know when. \n\nAs you can imagine this is giving some stress as I don't want to commit to something at this point in time and have the expectation to give my GF kids in the next few years. For me, when I'm 35-36 or so it might be OK, but I can not predict this. For my GF, considering also her age, in 5-6 years from now will take too long.\n\n\nWe both love each other a lot and everything else is fine in our relationship. However, I am not sure how to move forward right now. My GF is afraid to break up and be left alone, needing to find a new partner and have kids which will also take some years perhaps. At the same time, for me giving that 'promise' feels very much like being put in a corner and I just want to be free.\n\n\nWhat do? this is so sad.", "answer": "this convo should happen in the early stages of a relationship. it's deal breaker if you're not on the same page", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6rqqvg", "comment_id": "6rqqvg"}, {"question": "Is it ok to have hallucinations right after waking up?", "description": "I'm 21, male. It started a year ago.\nI would wake up in the morning or the middle of the night and think that clothes on chairs or couches were people. They were mostly speeping to and as I was sleepy I'd just get back to sleep without reacting. It rarely happened but then started happening more often. Lately it happens once every two weeks or so. Yesterday I woke up from a nap and thought a friend was there and talking and I was naked so I rolled into a blanket and today a similar situation happened. Sometimes I wake up during the night because I hear people talking in the other room and I'm annoyed but then just go back to sleep.\nI think it's because I still have the dreaming process happening after waking up so I hallucinate. Maybe my brain produces more DMT?\nI'm not worried about it, I just find it very interesting and I'm pretty sure it's not normal so I'd like to know more.\nEdit: Looks like I have a condition(?) called hypnopompic hallucinations. Fun times!", "answer": "You beat me to it - yes it sounds like hypnopompic hallucinations, which are normal.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6jvf2a", "comment_id": "6jvf2a"}, {"question": "I could not have done any of this had I been drinking", "description": "Last day of my vacation with my children. Driving home/hope. This has reaffirmed my humanity. This would not have happened had I not stopped drinking.  I love my kids so much. I will not drink today.", "answer": "Well done. Holidays can be tough with kids in ways too... but definately not made easier by hangovers.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cfyj8w", "comment_id": "cfyj8w"}, {"question": "A little bit of cheese on Cipro", "description": "I had a burger like 30 minutes after my Cipro antibiotic... is that bad? It says to avoid dairy, but my pharmacist just told me not to have straight up milk and yogurt.", "answer": "You'll survive.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xt5cg", "comment_id": "4xt5cg"}, {"question": "always drowsy ADHD-I? depression?", "description": "I try and eat healthy and exercise daily but I am always tired when I get to class. I can't focus and I just feel like sleeping all day. once I get home and turn on my computer I am awake. I take sleeping medicine at 9pm and go to bed at 9:30pm and i am still exhausted the next day.\n\nMy aunt is on narcolepsy medication and I mentioned it to my doctor but he said its dangerous and could make me manic. I think I already get manic at night ,but during the day I am a potato.\n\n6'2\", 185lbs, male\n\nI have no idea what to do to improve my quality of life and I am not a social person. I get irritated easily. my personality is INTJ and people say I am a pessimist / critical person.", "answer": "Agreed with another comment that you ought to get a workup done. If you are always tired yet eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep, then it would be good to rule out any medical causes. Also, many sleeping medications can have lasting effects into the next day, depending on dose and how late you take it- so talk to your doc about that if you haven't already.\n\nMight consider seeing a psychologist for a psychological assessment/testing- especially if (by your title) you seem to believe that ADHD or Depression could be a cause. They might also be able to either point you in the right direction as far as treatment services, or provide you with those services to improve your quality of life. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3064bl", "comment_id": "3064bl"}, {"question": "Need some advice", "description": "Hey guys, I\u2019ve been having trouble talking to someone and I wanted to ask for some advice, or insight, whatever you have to offer. I\u2019ve had trouble overthinking a lot and it always makes taking risks difficult for me, I wanted to ask if any of you knew why you overthink and maybe how to overcome it.", "answer": "It's just a part of normal anxiety.  Everyone has it and has their own unique way of managing it.  Whenever you put yourself out there with someone whether platonic or romantic there's going to be a chance of rejection.  Nobody likes to be rejected.  It hurts!  Being courageous is having that anxiety (which we all have) and doing what you want or need to do anyway.  Sometimes you succeed and it's awesome, sometimes you fail and it sucks.  Every time you fail though, you both learn something and toughen up a little, so long as the failure doesn't send you back in to a state of avoiding things that bring up your anxiety.  \n\n\nI could comment more specifically if you can give some more specifics.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "b5riyr", "comment_id": "b5riyr"}, {"question": "Is eating wholegrains unhealthy?", "description": "I'm in my late 20s, born in Australia, have Slovenian and English background. \n\nKnown issues: hypertension, mental illness, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, chronic fatigue, asthma, elevated CRP in blood tests (labs say <5 Is normal, mine over the past year has been 12-18).\n\nI am morbidly obese (1.8 metres tall, 154kg) and am trying to lose weight. Ultimately I want to be healthier and take better care of myself. \n\nI read some literature from Dr. Michael Moseley recently which suggests eating whole grains isn't a good idea, but the current Australian Dietary Guidelines suggests they're a key part of a healthy diet. I did research online and became more confused as it seems to be a point of contention amongst health professionals.\n\nI have three questions: \n\n1. How much exercise would you usually recommend to a beginner who has been medically cleared to perform exercise? \n2. Do you recommend whole grain foods to a person who is morbidly obese?\n3. Do you know what can cause persistent mildly elevated CRP?", "answer": "1. Exercise as tolerated. Start with brisk walking and build up.\n\n2. I would take professional organizations\u2019 guidelines over a specific person. Whole grains are recommended over non-whole, but the most important thing is reducing overall calories in.\n\n3. Nonspecifically, inflammation. That includes metabolic syndrome from obesity.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "apfnqv", "comment_id": "apfnqv"}, {"question": "I'm progressively becoming more and more unsure of my relationship.", "description": "I've been with my (20F) boyfriend (20M) for a little over a year. I love him so much, but not only in the past few months has my life in general hit a rough patch, so has my relationship. When we first got together I felt like I could look outside of my own body and see something beautiful, and warm. Now I feel like I see something that is becoming more and more corrupt. It feels especially like we've switched roles since we first started out together. He was going through a hard time (depression), and I had just gotten in a better place from suffering. It felt like he couldn't get enough of me, and I know I couldn't of him either. I was there for him, we were so happy. We NEVER fought, it was perfect. It felt like from day one we truly knew each other. It wasn't hard to become such a big part of each other's lives. Anyways, he was going through a hard time. Was all over me. Blah blah. I'm the kind of person who loves being close, physically and emotionally. And I'm especially the kind of person who nurtures people I love. If anyone I know had ever had a personal dilemma, they've always told me. I love helping people, and making them feel better. So I did that for him, or at least I tried my hardest. But now, within the past few months I feel like it's switched, I don't feel as good anymore, and it's my own fault for not ever telling him that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what's happening. A couple of months ago, our fighting had reached a considerable peak, and he told me he doesn't feel happy with me. But part of me thinks he just said that for intensity. He said he feels like I'm always telling him what to do, but really every single thing that I ask he just flat out says no to. Then if I argue about it (which I admit, I'm quite stubborn), and get my way, then I feel like an ass. I can't win no matter what I do, or what happens. A few days ago, I broke down and told him how I feel. Really all of this that I've just said. He was amazing, he listened and for the first time in months I honestly felt like he truly wanted to be with me. Fast forward to last night, he fell asleep, and refused to get out of the bed so that I could wipe the crumbs out from the food I'd just had. He's extremely difficult when he's tired. Anyways, this is the kind of thing we fight about. Stupid things. My argument was pretty clean cut in my opinion; please get up for 20 seconds so that I can clear the bed so that I too can go to sleep. It's things like this, all of the time. Which is why I don't really see it as true that I'm so \"bossy\". I just feel like a bother to him most of the time. He can never give me a break on something. He doesn't see that I'm hurting and and help me the way that I tried to help him, but he isn't really good at that kind of thing so I can't completely blaim him. He says he'll try to be more flexible if I ask for things but thus far (as in 2 instances in 2 days) has not been true. I do love him, and he's my best friend. But lately it seems like he doesn't mind being apart from me, in fact he even wants it. I've been so afraid to think about the reality of the situation. It just feels like the more I think about it, it's him and not me. I feel like I need someone who's more like me, but I'm afraid to have another relationship just to find that all relationships eventually change in a somewhat negative way. If nobody responds to this, that's fine. I mainly just wanted to get this out of my head for a minute. ", "answer": "go to couples counseling. it works well for this type of issue.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5o8dgh", "comment_id": "5o8dgh"}, {"question": "My [37M] mental health case manager [30sM] at an adult day program I attend told us during group that he poisoned his neighbor's cat for pooping near his patio. [professional relationship]", "description": "So I attend a adult day program for people with behavioral/mental health problems. A few months ago my previous case manager left the company and I was transferred to a newly hired CM named Bill (name changed). I have not been terribly impressed with him and spoke to the director after a couple weeks, mostly just asking how qualified he was. [edit- at that time she said he was very highly recommended, has a masters in social work, so I thought I'd give him a chance]\n\nYesterday during a men-only group with about 10 people in the room the conversation drifted to his neighbors. He said their cat pooped near his patio, and that it wasn't the first problem with this neighbor. Long story short, he basically said he poisoned the cat which was found dead the next day.\n\nI was shocked actually but I didn't say anything. Then he made light of it by saying \"bet you won't be comin' round my part of town\" (he and I happen to live in the same town). But the more I think about this, it's not only cruel but I think it reflects his ability to do his job. Should I report this to the director? I'm thinking I should.", "answer": "This is highly disturbing. As a group therapy facilitator, I'm surprised he is even talking that much about himself. Any self disclosure for a therapist should be thought through beforehand, and this certainly not a piece of self disclosure that would be beneficial for the group. I would report this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "4xd81x", "comment_id": "4xd81x"}, {"question": "My (21 F) therapist (30s?? M) 3.5, made me really uncomfortable at our last session but he might have just been doing his job (x-post from r/relationships)", "description": "Hi, I posted this in r/relationships earlier but it was shut down due to the topic being sexual assault. I've resubmitted it and am waiting on that but I thought maybe y'all could help me here.\n\nHello friends, I'm gonna try to give you as much info as I can without identifying myself or anyone. I'm 21 year old senior at a large university, I've been suffering from major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since I was 8. I've been on medication since I was 10.\n\nBrief background: Having been on the same medication for over a decade, the pills stopped working and I had a relapse of my symptoms. This has happened before, usually they increase my dose but I wanted to change meds. I found a psychiatrist after looking for 4 months (fuck the mental health system) through my university counseling system, and part of seeing him meant seeing a therapist. That's fine, no biggie. I started seeing my therapist, Seymour at the beginning of June.\n\nSeymour is a LCSW, so he is not a licensed psychologist, but that probably doesn't matter. I was sexually assaulted while studying abroad about a year ago, and then someone attempted to assault me again this summer. It affects my life in some ways now, in that I've sworn of dating or relationships for the time being, but that's another story. I was also in a really bad relationship with a catastrophic breakup from my freshman to sophomore year of college. I told Seymour about the assault and stuff, not in like detail but just that it happened, and it was a situation where I had consented and then the person did not stop when I asked him repeatedly because it hurt, and I was crying out in pain. I have not told Seymour about the bad relationship.\n\nTHE ACTUAL PROBLEM: I'm sorry this is so long I tried to condense it as much as I could! Seymour encourages me a lot to talk to the resources we have on campus for sexual assault and group meetings, but I have no interest in doing this. I realize I should deal with this eventually but my depression that recurred this summer is my current concern (and this relapse goes far beyond the assault and all the other relationship stuff), and I have told him this. One time this summer I had a particularly depressive episode where I ended up in a crisis clinic on suicide watch. When I went to see him during this episode, he asked me if I was on my period. I understand he might have been concerned about PMDD but it seemed odd to me, as my period had never been a topic of discussion before.\n\nLast week, at our weekly session, he asked me how my sex life was. I told him I was staying single for a while, for a variety of reasons. He asked me how much of that had to do with the sexual assault, and I told him it was a big factor but I'm okay with it for now. Then, he asked me if I masturbated. This shocked me so much, and I was horrified. He told me it was because sometimes sexual assault victims stop finding pleasure in sexual contexts, which I understand but I was so taken aback and uncomfortable I asked if we could talk about something else. I rambled on about some extra curricular activities and then left.\n\nI have another session with him again this week but I'm still really uncomfortable when I think about seeing him again. I don't think he did anything wrong but I really don't want to go back. Was he just doing his job when he asked me that, and should I go back to see him again?\n\ntl;dr: I was sexually assaulted and my therapist tries to get me to talk about it a lot and asked me if I masturbated and I am extremely uncomfortable.", "answer": "Before I get into anything, first I just want to say that you are really brave, and I am really sorry you are going through this.  Also, you should seriously give yourself a pat on the back for speaking up for yourself during that session!!  I'm impressed, that takes a lot of courage and strength.  Don't let anyone tell you differently.\nI'm not one to step on other practitioner's toes because none of us are perfect, and not every session goes the way we expect or want it to.  As someone who has worked with many survivors of sexual assault, and trauma in general, I probably wouldn't have asked if you masturbated for the simple fact that it's none of my business.  As I noticed FreeOppression noted about many therapists, we don't go there unless you do, *unless* I had compelling reason to believe something else might be going on.  If that were the case, I would seek permission before asking and offer an explanation as to why I would be curious.  Then, we'd process.  All of that said, it's difficult to be definitive when it comes to therapy.  \nFrankly, it sounds a little like Seymour may be in over his head.  Has he explained his theoretical approach to treatment?  Have you and Seymour collaboratively come up with specific treatment goals you'd like to work on during treatment?  Has he introduced any interventions?  I ask these questions because, if the answer is \"no\" to any of these, he may just have no idea what he's doing.  When you don't know what you're doing, especially in situations where you don't want to say the wrong thing, it seems that you inevitably say the wrong thing.  Do you have any inkling that Seymour may be anxious or uncomfortable during your sessions?  A lack of knowledge or skill may explain his repeated attempts to redirect you to other campus resources, but I could be wrong.  Although those resources can be of benefit to some survivors, they aren't for everyone, and I can understand why you wouldn't want to.  If you already told Seymour you aren't interested, which it sounds like you have, more than once, Seymour needs to back off.  Or, perhaps, ask you if it would be okay to check back in with you in a couple months to see if you might feel differently.  \nI can only speculate about what happened, but what I do know is that Seymour crossed a line, whether he intended to or not.  The most important person in your therapeutic relationship with Seymour is YOU.  You felt shocked and uncomfortable (I'm using your words), which is not the goal of therapy.  If you choose to go back, I would encourage you to bring up what you've discussed here, if you feel comfortable.  As I mentioned before, therapists are human and they can really put a foot in their mouths, but what matters most is you.  Believe it or not, mistakes like this, if discussed and processed well, more often than not enhance the therapeutic relationship.  If can give both of you a foundation to build on and learn from.  \nTrust your instincts.  ", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "54upln", "comment_id": "54upln"}, {"question": "Need advice- toxic relationship, or over analysing?", "description": "I've [27F] been with my parter [27M] since 20yo, and was very damaged and insecure at 20. I'm now much more confident and starting to see some elements in him that concern me. Am I being overly picky? We've talked openly about how he knows he scores highly on the 'dark triad', has high capacity for manipulation, but he tries to lead a moral life. He usually does, more than others I know, much to his credit. But he's said that if he was with a weaker woman,he would just get bored and manipulate her, making her feel that she was never good enough despite her doing everything for him. When he is really tired, he looks to upset me- not hugely, because I'll get irritated enough to have a fight (he hates conflict outright) by enough to know I'm hurt. He is also not genuinely happy (I feel) when I achieve something. My career is challenging, while he's stagnated. He's going to university this year, and wants to beat all my high marks 'so I will be proud of him', but that feels 'off' to me. Hes also quite critical at times, to the point where I feel he thinks I can't do anything right. He's suffering from depression, and getting help now, but I've had this uneasy fear for a while now. Usually he's lovely, caring, shares housework, is supportive of my career, but these dark spots worry me because what will he be like if I can no longer leave easily? Ie pregnant/have kids etc. I guess since it's my first/only long term relationship, I don't have any perspective. Please be gentle, it's my first post, fake account. ", "answer": "sounds like he's bogged down within himself. he should see a therapist, and when his depression subsides, re-evaluate. 'dark triad' is something a professional should diagnose", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5v44t6", "comment_id": "5v44t6"}, {"question": "Is there a universal 12 steps group format that covers addiction?", "description": "Hey y'all,   \nI'm making inquiries for a client I'm supporting. Is there a 12 step group that you can go to that covers addiction in general?   \nFor example, if someone wanted to deal with internet addiction, TV addiction, alcohol addiction, love addiction, is there a group you can go to where people can support each other as addicts, in general?   \nIf not, what would you advise a person with multiple addictions do? Attend several groups/meetings?   \n\n\nThanks in advance.", "answer": "Thanks all!", "topic": "addiction", "post_id": "gekv1f", "comment_id": "gekv1f"}, {"question": "Asking for a discount on rent", "description": "We moved into our new rental house on 3/1 and I reported that the current laminate floors were water damaged and coming apart. My landlord acted pretty quickly. She got someone in there to take up the floors and find the source of the water leak. Not only that, but we got new floors! We were walking on the concrete for 7 days before everything got done and I was thinking about asking for a discount, as I thought it should have been taken care of before we moved in.\n\nMy question is, what is a reasonable amount to ask for as a discount on my rent? I've never asked anything like this before. Our rent is $795 a month.\n\nThanks!", "answer": "She won't do it.  Sorry.  Instances where landlords are obligated to discount rent/compensate tenants are *extremely* few and far between.  Especially not for a cosmetic thing like this.  \n\nI suppose this varies based on legalities in your area, but I don't see great odds here.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "34ffsy", "comment_id": "34ffsy"}, {"question": "With fiance for almost 10 years and still feel unloved, unaccepted, and unappreciated by fiance's family.", "description": "For background my fiance has not had a close relationship with his family though he does with his grandma (whom I adore and who shows us a lot of interest and love) who babysat him all the time. He was verbally/emotionally abused by his father growing up and yelled at for not performing to his fathers' standards in golf or in school, and it typically happened whenever his father (sober for about 5 years now) was drunk. His mother never stepped in and also agreed with his father whenever he would be yelled at. His younger brother was even yelled at to the point of fainting from anxiety when he was just 3 or 4 years old, and needed to be taken to the ER. The doctor summed it up to \"anxiety\" and his family views it as his brother having anxiety, and not that being screamed at caused his anxiety. My fiance also has issues with communication and suppressing his feelings which I attribute to his upbringing by his parents. He's even had issues with suicidal ideation in the past.\n\nNow that his father is sober, they act like all of that never happened and it was never discussed that what they did to their sons was wrong. His brother has a complex and absolutely adores their parents. Fiance tells me this is also the reason he decided to go to boarding school on another island when he was accepted in freshman year of high school.\nI've had issues with his parents since we began dating in high school. For starters when I was introduced to his mom, my memory of her is saying \"and who is this?\" referring to me, and then after being introduced, not being asked any conversational questions but either going back in the house of continuing to only talk to my fiance. Our relationship has continued to be awkward with me feeling uncomfortable because she would seldom try to make conversation with me or get to know me, and would direct her attention only to her son to talk gossip or ask questions that I would not be involved in.\n\nWhenever I'd give them gifts from my fiance and me, I don't receive a thank you or acknowledgement. Yet, I make it a point to thank them and they are sure to say \"You're welcome\" but can never thank me.\n\nWe recently went home to the island we're both from. Since knowing we were going to get engaged, I told him we should start staying together instead of each others' parents houses separately in anticipation of how it's going to be when we're married. We have been staying at my parents house for about a year whenever we go home for holidays or special occasions because I feel more comfortable, and we actually have a bed to sleep on instead of at his parents' house where it's too hoarded to have a free bedroom or bed available.\n\nThey haven't asked us about our wedding plans or any way that they could help. My fiance says that it was the same way when he was growing up - that he'd have to ask them for stuff --even essentials for school -- as if they were holding a power trip.\n\nAnyways, on our most recent trip home, I had made sure he invited his parents to my family's christmas party. they responded \"ok\" but never showed up. They weren't even going to tell us that they werent coming until my fiance texted them asking if they were coming. I was extremely offended that they didnt even have the decency to say that they couldn't make it, but then I let it go.\n\nThe next morning on Christmas day, I texted them both saying Merry Christmas and that we still had their gifts because we thought we'd see them the night before. The father texted back with no \"thank you\" but that they (he, fiance's mom, and younger brother) were watching their friends' daughters open Christmas gifts.\n\nHis mom then texted my fiance separately \"When are you coming to get your gifts?\" At this point I was pissed off. My parents drop stuff off things they want to share such as food and things from the garden at their house all the time, yet they never make the effort to drop off stuff at my parents' house to give things they have to share. It's always as if we have to go to THEM and that we should be thankful that we get stuff from them. It's so twisted.\n\nShe asked again when his flight was so my fiance just told her we would stop by before going to the airport (instead of going to spend time with them). When we went over, the same thing happened where I gave them their gifts addressed from fiance and I and not a single thank you. \n\nOur reoccurring arguments come with me feeling hurt, ignored, and unappreciated by his family. My fiance's solution is to avoid contact with them and to have them make the effort to talk to or see us, but I come from a close knit family and am having a hard time with the fact that he doesn't even tell them when they're wrong or doing hurtful or rude things to us. I want to do couples therapy but fiance says that it's just going to be being told everything that he already knows that's messed up with his family. Is the avoid contact thing best to do??? I feel like it just invalidates my feelings because it does not let them know how their behavior affects me AND their son.", "answer": "no one should be in a rel. more than a year without commitment", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5l5l1y", "comment_id": "5l5l1y"}, {"question": "Budding relationship between 25/m and 26/f -- need advice on establishing a healthy base for a partnership.", "description": "Hey all, thanks for indulging me.\n\nI just started graduate school in August and after a little socializing with my cohort, I met one of the girls and we really hit it off. Without getting into too much detail about the courtship process, we're not at the point where we've both directly stated our feelings and our interest.\n\nI'm excited, but a little terrified. I've had bad luck with relationships up until this point -- my last girlfriend was when I was 21 (I'm the 25m), and the past few years has been a long, lonely road where I had to get used to being alone and learn to accept who I was. This was hard but also good experience for me in the long run. However, I've been out of the game so long that I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up due to lack of experience. This woman is beautiful and so much of what I always wanted in a partner when I was wallowing in my depression over being alone -- my anxiety has raised the stakes of the situation and I just need a little help coming up with a game plan. The connection I feel with this person is very deep. When I\u2019m with her I feel safe, heard, seen and accepted. I\u2019m enchanted with her and I have reason to believe she feels the same way towards me, but my history with relationships has planted a seed in my expectations \u2013 I can\u2019t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen, like I\u2019ll be hurt for the umpteenth time. I guess I\u2019m afraid to fully commit to the relationship because it\u2019s been relationships that have hurt me the most in my life. There are so many wonderful things about her that I thought I\u2019d never get to have in a partner again, and I want to be happy about this situation so badly but I\u2019m just so afraid of being hurt that I can\u2019t relax. \nWhatever this is between us, I really want to make it something good for the both of us. I think I really do have the capacity to love this woman and I think she feels the same way about me \u2013 we\u2019re both in graduate school together preparing for our \u201ctrue\u201d adult lives and I know that if we maintain a good relationship right now then we\u2019re likely to move onto our next phase of life together which is\u2026 exciting and terrifying. The other night she asked me if I wanted kids at any point in my life \u2013 it kind of freaked me out at first, but I guess we\u2019re at that point in our lives where some people are starting to care about that a lot more. To me it sent a message that said \u201cI see us working in the long-term, but it\u2019s important that this is something we both want.\u201d Is this too much too fast? Or is it just being straightforward and honest?\n\nWe\u2019re both going to meet up tomorrow night (the 24th), and talk about a few things \u2013 our past relationships, our patterns and how we\u2019re feeling about what we\u2019re feeling with each other. One of the only things keeping me from flinging into a panic is the sincere and genuine connection I feel when I\u2019m with her and also that she wants to have a constructive conversation about our past and where we are now. What are some things I should ask her? What are some boundaries I should think about putting up? If this is going to be a relationship, how can I make sure that we start on the right foot? I want to be close to somebody again, and I want it to be a safe experience for the both of us\u2026 so, what\u2019s your advice on making that happen, Reddit? \n", "answer": "your thoughtfulness is the base! the key to any pairing is defining what you both want it to be, and sticking to it. keep talking and clarifying, and you can't go wrong!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "788ghy", "comment_id": "788ghy"}, {"question": "Buckle in, this is going to be a long one.", "description": "I (27f) don\u2019t know what to do for/ about my brother (24m)\n \nHe is severely depressed, I don\u2019t think he knows what being just \u201cok\u201d feels like. He has been this way since childhood. Our mom died and we had a monster of a step mom, both of which contributed to his low self worth and complete lack of motivation. \n \nI\u2019ve been called an enabler by my parents, neither of whom are very nurturing. My step mom is borderline mentally abusing and my dad is passive and brainwashed to agree with her so as to avoid blow ups. \n \nThrough the years I have done what I thought were helpful things, paying his phone bill, buying him clothes, hand holding during processes like paying taxes or getting his oil changed. Things he wouldn\u2019t always do on his own. \n \nAbout three months ago he left a good job for a shady under the table job, all for the sake of a few more dollars an hour.  No one was surprised when a month later the shady job ghosted him. Things like this are a pattern in his life. He does not think ahead and will leave a year round job for a seasonal job that pays a tiny bit more, with no plans for when that job ends. \n\nAs a result, he found himself displaced, losing his apartment when he couldn\u2019t pay rent. \n \nI wasn\u2019t going to let him be homeless. I let him move into my new apartment. He was supposed to be here two weeks, until he could get a job and move in with his friend. \n \nIt has been over a month, he drinks a 6 pack a night, using a gift card from Christmas (intended for gas) to pay for it and plays video games all day. His friend has flaked on him, I assume to avoid the situation I am in currently.\n \nI am a full time college student. Being able to pay rent and feed myself was stressful enough, without the added financial burden. I have told him how stressful paying for him has been and do think he feels bad. \n \nWhen it got well past the point of taking advantage, I decided to set some rules. I gave him two weeks to get a job or pack his things. I also laid out a plan for my expectations on at what point I expect him to start helping with rent. In the meantime he is doing all the dishes and walking my dog when I\u2019m gone. \n \nIn a typical move for him, he continued to be generally unmotivated.  Only  applying to only a handful of jobs online, waiting until two days before the deadline to job hunt outside the apartment. And, again, surprising no one, he got hired on the spot. He has always been just lucky enough to avoid most real life consequences.\n \nI believe that at a certain point you can no longer blame your behavior on the past; once you acknowledge the problem there is no excuse for not trying to better yourself. Which is why I struggle when it comes to my brother. I am torn between wanting to care for him and wanting him to better himself and be happy.\n\nThe ball is currently in my court since he is living with me for free until he squares his debts.\nI would like to enforce rules that deal with his underlying issues. I was contemplating a \u201cdry apartment\u201d rule and giving him a deadline to start seeing a therapist, something he has been open to in the past. The no alcohol rule is going to be tough, and he will be mad about it. I\u2019m not sure it can be all or nothing. \n \nI am not sure what a reasonable level of rules would be, and I know I can\u2019t make empty threats about him moving out.\n \nI don\u2019t know what to do or how to help him. All feedback is welcome.\n \nTldr: I\u2019m potentially enabling my brother who is living with me for free. While he did get a job two days ago, I would like to enforce rules that address his underling issues of depression and potential alcoholism.", "answer": "No matter what you decide to do, the most important thing is that you are firm with your boundaries and consistent.  Don't give him deadlines or consequences for breaking house rules and then not follow up with them or continuously extend deadlines.\n\n\nI really like the idea of having it be a dry house.  I'd also suggest something like no using your internet/wifi, etc. for video games unless he is contributing towards rent/bills.  \n\nHe's not going to be happy with any of this and will likely try to make you feel bad or look like the bad guy.  \n\nSomething important for good parents dealing with adult children living in their homes and siblings in situations like yours is this.  You love them.  You don't want them to be homeless.  You want to provide a safe place for them.  That doesn't mean that you have to provide a comfortable place for them.  In fact, the more comfortable a place you make it or allow them to have equal power without equal responsibility (ie. Having a say in house rules, what they can/can't do, etc. while not paying half the rent/bills) the less likely they'll ever be to act responsibly and independently.  \n\n\nThe idea is to make it so uncomfortable through not allowing them to do the things they want to do that they decide it would be better off to work hard and be responsible in order to pay for their freedom to do what they want in their own place.  \n\nIe. If I had a child who had graduated high school and was still living with me, I'd have them paying money for rent (which I'd probably secretly keep aside for them to create an emergency fund for down the line), helping out with chores, while STILL following all of my house rules and not giving them the full freedom of adulthood.  \n\nIt likely wouldn't be long before they did what they needed to do to get their own place.  Once they did that, I'd make sure I gave them plenty of praise and even reward them for taking the initiative with housewarming gifts and whatever else would help make them feel proud of moving out on their own.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "ezwfej", "comment_id": "ezwfej"}, {"question": "Hello, I'm new to Depression.", "description": "So, here's the game.\nI have a hard time making myself understood, and right now I'm emotional so it's going to be even worse.\n\nI am 19, male, and feel more alone than I ever have before.\nI trashed my last relationship, and I feel destroyed from the breakup. I doubt myself in every human interaction I have, and lie through my teeth about how I feel to them. I'm supposed to be the strong and smart one. I've never felt smaller in my life.\n\nI have my ICND exam in 10 days, and I don't think can pass it. This is the first stepping stone in my career choice to someday have my CCIE(the equivalent of a bachelors in my field). I should have scheduled it two months ago when I finished the prep course.\n\nMy \"friends\" will not talk to me if I don't say hi first. 8 days is the longest I let this solitary life go before giving in.\n\nMy ex wants to be my friend, and I want that too, but I can not handle it. I try anyway for some semblance of acceptance and feeling of being wanted.\n\nMy family is not the worst, in fact I'd say my parents have done a lot of good for me. Still, sitting there while they scream at each other day after day is wearing. My 4 siblings (I'm the oldest) squabble amongst each other just as much as my parents do, if not more.\n\nI have no job and no vehicle, I ride a bicycle for miles. I feel trapped here, my bed and bathtub are my sanctuary.\n\nI have $1800, it's what I've managed to put together for the last couple years.\n\nI have no more drive to meet my goals, I can't logic this one into getting better like I used to, can't lie to myself anymore, I'm convinced I'm just an all round undesirable person.\n\nTonight, after everyone goes to bed, I plan to cut my arm and bleed myself out. It's going to hurt, I'm going to regret it, but its the one thing I'm convinced is logical, I dont want to be an emotional and financial drain on the world any more.\n\nEdit: still alive. Thank you guys, thanks to all of you. I spoke up, I got what I needed, and I'm here because of it. Rebuilding from the ruins.", "answer": "This too shall pass.  It feels bad and endless and unchanging, but it's not.  You're just getting started in life.  Entering adulthood is really hard.  But things will get better.\n\nFor right now, can you either postpone the exam, or if you don't pass it the first time, can you take it again?  See what your options are.  In the meantime, you have 10 days to study.  So do that.\n\nThe only way to get through life is to have a Plan B.  Sometimes you need a Plan C, too.  Heck, to get through graduate school I worked my way down to Plan R.\n\nYou're not a drain on the world.  You're just a young person going through some hard times and you're scared and you feel shitty.  You've reached out by writing this post -- so keep reaching out.  If you're in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  1-800-273-8255.  Don't give up on yourself and your goals.  You just need some help right now, and there's no shame in that at all.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17gvdr", "comment_id": "17gvdr"}, {"question": "[Male/29] /r/Relationship_Advice, how do you develop self-love?", "description": "I've read over and over again that in order to truly love another, one should first commit to love oneself. And as I grow older, I have found this to be more and more true.\n\nI am done being in and wanting relationships out of fear, neediness, or insecurity.\n\nI want to change. I want to love myself. I want to become emotionally healthy before I make a dive into a potentially life-long commitment with another person. And I know that I need to break away from old and outdated thought patterns and self-sabotaging behaviors lurking in my subconscious.\n\nBut, I kindly ask for some guidance from the men and women here. What does self-love mean and how do I tangibly practice it?\n\nIs it not beating up myself over past regrets, misdeeds, and mistakes? If so, how do I break out of this thought pattern?\n\nIs it not blaming others for my lot in life? If so, how do I become more comfortable with taking my power back and instead of letting life happen to me, create my life on my own terms? Lack of self-efficacy (which is strongly tied up with self-esteem) is a HUGE problem in my case. I want to blame my parents for raising me the way they did, but I also know that I am old enough to accept that it was the old me and begin shaping my mindset to be more healthy and empowered.\n\nI should mention that I become much more aware of the kind of people I spend my time and energy with. I have been actively cutting of toxic people out for a good 5 years now. I have become more realistic about people and their ultimate intentions. The kid that believed that 'everyone is a good person' has grown up. I grudgingly forgive, but do not forget abusive patterns in people.\n\nAnother thing I struggle with pleasing others. On a good day, I am very good about getting my point across and saying 'no' to things that don't mutually benefit me, but I often find myself relapsing to a meeker, weaker, and less authentic person on days where I don't feel the best and can't be bothered to get into an argument, and would rather keep the peace rather than make my needs known (this often crops up in workplace environments).\n\nLastly, I want to know what true love means to you? The best definition of true love I have come across is this on reddit:\n\n> Time is to love as wind is to fire, it puts out the small ones but oh what it does to the big ones.\n\nI ran into this quote just yesterday and it really speaks to me.\n\nI want to experience this relationship. But, I also know that ultimately I have a lot of growing up and self-reflection to do. Desperately.\n\nAny thoughts and comments would be appreciated.\n", "answer": "you should find a therapist to discuss this with", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5klvkr", "comment_id": "5klvkr"}, {"question": "Passion or money: Putting pressure on myself", "description": "Hi everyone,\n\nI am a person living with bipolar, borderline, OCD, ADHD, and alcohol/cocaine addiction. I have struggled intensely for many years. Through strenuous effort and with the right treatment I have reigned in BPD, achieved abstinence from booze and drugs, and bipolar and OCD are in remission. I am doing better than I ever have.\n\nCurrently I work in the mental health field as a Peer Support Specialist and I absolutely LOVE the work. I wake up every day excited to do it. I have so much talent also; I am very good at it. I eat, sleep, and breathe mental health recovery, and have made it my life's work to pass that recovery on to others. I believe so strongly in public service and the recovery model. I want to make a maximum positive impact on my community. After years of struggling with mental health and searching for my talents and passions, it feels like I've finally arrived.\n\nHere's the thing though: I come from an upper middle class family that puts high value on academic success and professional careers. My dad is a senior/lead engineer and makes 10k per month after taxes. My extended family is much the same. All upper middle class professionals. Engineers, lawyers, etc. Growing up I had this expectation of myself that I would be as well. I feel so inferior that I haven't been able to be that person. The values instilled in me tell me I have to have that brand new BMW, that nice house, tile floors, etc. It's hard to be grateful for what I have.\n\nI was an accounting major briefly for this reason. I am a very bright student. I get A's no problem, but due to mood cycling, addiction, and rapidly changing interests, it was difficult to stay focused and engaged. Accounting went well. Straight A's for a year of classes. I took to it right away. Here's the thing though, I don't want to be an accountant. Accountants often work 60-70 hours per week in high stress, high pressure environments. That would be very difficult for me to do, and even if I could do it, I flat out don't want to. For me, 70k per year (average accountant salary) is not worth that much of my time and that much stress. There is also an MSW or PsyD degree, but the stress of being a clinician makes in unappealing, not to mention I believe more in the peer model than the clinical. But again, a part of me tells me I \\*should\\*. An accounting career or an MSW is my path to that middle class life I believe I should have.\n\nMy passion lies in what I'm doing. I love every moment of it. I really feel like I have this opportunity to do something I'm truly passionate about, and that is a gift. And it's not like my taste is extravagant anyway. I am totally comfortable with a minimalist lifestyle. I don't give a s\\*\\*\\* about having the \"best\" of anything.\n\nI don't know. Sorry if this sounds stupid. Could use some perspective. Or maybe I just wanted to vent.", "answer": "Consider this. If you hadn\u2019t found passion and purpose being in the mental health field - where would your own mental health and ability to function be at? \n\nEverything you are saying, it\u2019s quite clear being an accountant/high paying job with low fulfillment would not be good for you, nor is it something you want. \n\nYour family would most likely rather have you working in mental health, with your own health managed, than not working at all. \n\nYour values do not have to be the same as your parents. My dad is an engineer and put similar pressure on me. Less about material things more about paycheck numbers. He still does but over the years through a lot of effort we\u2019ve improved our communication so he understands why I chose this and what I want in my life. Now he sends me emails of mental health / addiction news articles heh.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c79rf8", "comment_id": "c79rf8"}, {"question": "Interested in my neighbor?", "description": "I live with a few of my friends, who have friends from their student org (girls) as neighbors. I am pretty attracted to one of the girls, and we seem to get along well. However, she\u2019s been coming to the house only when at least of my friends is at home. That being said, I actually don\u2019t know her that well but I want to get to know her better. How do I move from here?", "answer": "Ask her on a date.  Figure out what the two of you have in common, tell her you were planning on doing _______ sometime soon and you'd love if she'd join you.  Get her number or contact so you can let her know when you have solid plans.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9rin70", "comment_id": "9rin70"}, {"question": "Open relationship with My boyfriend?", "description": "Recently, My boyfriend asked me to be in an open relationship. Background: we have been dating for over two years and live together. He has frequently said he loves me like hes never loved anyone and that he wants to marry me someday.\n\nAbout two months ago, i lost My job and had problems that kept me from going to school. I was broke and depressed. Despite his begging me to live with him and be monogamous and supportive, he began arguing with me about money which had me feeling more depressed and hopeless. So, i applied for a good paying job in a city. (We live in a rural \u00e1rea with few jobs). \n\nI got a call back for the job and that vey day, i received news that My grandmother died so we both decided i may as well go to The interview as id have to head south anyway.\n\nAfter two weeks of talking with him about this, i had his blessing, I took The job and left for The city and stayed AT a friends. Every night he called me and we talked for hours, missing each other. A few days later, i couldnt take it and he was sad to\u00f3 so i asked him how he felt About me going back. He was happy and agreed. We made terms that we would be supportive, loving and exclusive. I quit My job and went back.\n\nHe kept telling me he loves me wants to marry eventually and have My children. We had been having a great time and we had been exclusive (or so i thought). \n\nA few days ago he asked to be open because he met a Girl. They had already gone on a few dates\n I have always typically consideres poly reasonable and natural but instead i feel betrayed. I left a job and we agreed to be mon\u00f3gamos just a month ago. He is The inscure type so i have to reassure him constantly that im faithful. Now i feel we live a double standard relationship. I am angry AT him for letting me leave a job and making me agree to terms he broke quickly. \n\n\nSee, ive been exclusive with him for years. I asked him if id be #1 or #2 and he said #1 for now. He is trying to blame me as its My fault because i left for that job for a few days. I feel hurt because we talked About My job for 2 weeks and agreed. He begged me to come back and now i feel left on My ass. I dont know what to Do\n\nUpdate: i got The girls number and called her  without my boyfriend knowing. She told me he had been lying to her to\u00f3, saying he was breaking up with me. She said they had slept together on a lunch break of his. He had told me they never even kissed.", "answer": "Yes that certainly is a betrayal. It seems that you want a monogamous relationship and unless he can commit to you as fully as before I don't think the relationship is going to be what you want.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdqaf", "comment_id": "5wdqaf"}, {"question": "Do you think my therapist being 100% reasonable? What would you do?", "description": "So around a month ago I overdosed, NOT to die or to hurt myself, but just because I was having a meltdown and felt I needed to be hospitalized. I took myself to the ER and didnt end up getting hospitalized. \n\nSince that happened, my therapist insists that I need a higher level of care and is making me do a dbt group. If I dont do that group, I am not allowed to see him anymore. \nI dont feel the group is best for me, because group settings upset me so so much, I always end up having a meltdown, and I feel like it would do more harm than good. Despite this I would still be will to do a group only if I could keep it separate and not have the therapists talk - but that is not an option. \n\nIm pretty frustrated because I feel like he is only forcing me into this group in cover his ass in case I hurt myself - which I am not going to. Im doing better than I ever have. I have no suicidal thoughts, Im enrolled in school for the first time in a long time, I have a job, I volunteer, all that good stuff. Im trying to get him to compromise with me, but he will not budge. I understand his perspective, but I feel like he doesnt 100% understand mine (I can go into detail of why I dont want this group if anyone wants). As as therapist what would you do in this situation? \n\nIve been seeing him for a year, hes really the only person in my life that I can trust and talk to. Just the thought of getting a new therapist upsets me.", "answer": "Therapist here. Sorry to hijack for a second here OP, but I have something things that need to be said before I address your question. \n\nFirst, I need to address my fellow therapists commenting on this thread - I\u2019m shocked that it appears to be common practice for some to terminate a client post suicide attempt. How in the world is that ethical? Are you referring to a higher LOC and then terminating? Are you ensuring the ct is actually engaged in that LOC before you terminate? Do you resume with the ct once they have stabilized? The idea that you would close services when the ct is clearly in distress and in need of support is mind boggling. Frankly, it could be seen as client abandonment, which is a violation of professional ethics for the NASW, APA and ACA. All ethical codes also discuss appropriate termination, and there is no language that even suggests that it is appropriate to terminate if a ct temporarily requires a higher LOC. So...yikes guys. Big yikes. \n\nAlright, OP - to a therapist, a suicide attempt is an indication that the services a client is currently receiving are not enough. A person who is actively suicidal, or has had a recent suicide attempt, needs more support than one hour a week can provide. I would generally advocate for a short term stay at a crisis stabilization unit post suicide attempt, even if the client didn\u2019t meet hospital level of care. But yes, the overarching goal is to have more eyes on my at-risk client, as well as additional support/services. Not only would my license be at risk if I didn\u2019t take some kind of action, but I also probably wouldn\u2019t be able to continue in this profession if I lost a client to suicide knowing that I didn\u2019t take all the steps I could to keep them safe. We are human, we care, we worry, and yes, we cover our asses. It\u2019s all of those things. \n\nI would encourage you to talk to your therapist about finding a different form of additional support if this particular group doesn\u2019t work for you. I think for the time being you will have to accept that he will insist on some type additional support, and hopefully understand why he is doing this. However, I think it\u2019s perfectly reasonable to research other types of treatment that would provide a comparable level of support as the DBT group and bring these to your next session to see what he thinks.\nIn the end, remember that this is temporary. If you continue to stabilize, your therapist will eventually feel comfortable in returning to the previous level of care.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c5yc6p", "comment_id": "c5yc6p"}, {"question": "21 year old male' having some immense pain when bowl movement.", "description": "so when my ass is full it gives me immense pain on left side of its inside no matter is its shit or gas. but when i go to toilet seat and finish my work it doesn't pains and neither bleeding. just pain. even after i have emptied out i still feel pain but too less to negligible unless again it starts to feel up. this happening since 3 days including today. i thought may be I'm constipating so i drunk lot of water but i was normal other day but pain was persistent. I'm also having mouth ulcer may be if it has any connection to my down side problem. I'm taking no medicine and no medical treatment and no other medical problem. my weight is 51Kg, I'm indian vegetarian. thank you for help in advanve.", "answer": "No blood in poo, presumably.\n\nYou might still be constipated. Keep up with the fluids.\n\n[Constipation](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/constipation/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6sbmj0", "comment_id": "6sbmj0"}, {"question": "Suite mate keeps leaving sh*t stains on the toilet..what's my next move?", "description": "I share a bathroom/shower/kitchen area with another suite. Me and my roommate are reasonably tidy and make efforts to keep the bathroom clean. The suite mate, we have never made contact with physically because we all work different shifts. But, we have a cleaning schedule posted on the wall as of two days ago to encourage this turd streaker to clean up his mess. First day after cleaning, shit stain. I wait to see if it disappears. NOPE. Today, (two days later) looks like he loaded a 12 gauge and SHIT pumped a few rounds to the backboard. I'm just fed up with this dude, and right now I am heated but I want to be reasonable. I can go the sarcastic/humor route, but right now I want to fight this phantom shitter. What now Reddit?", "answer": "...why not just talk to him about how that kind of bothers you and you would like it if he cleaned up after it. Then maybe come up with a few suggestions on how to best clean it and what you would feel comfortable with as a solution. But you know,  together as a team. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "2ksc33", "comment_id": "2ksc33"}, {"question": "Serious-Need opinions on fianc\u00e9' getting too close to a guy at her work", "description": "So they work together in the same building. I've seen the conversations they have with each other and the content and type of relationship they have with each other makes me upset and uncomfortable. I've tried to talk to her about it and she said she would cut down talking and stop going for multiple walks with him during work. \n\nAs I've read messages since, I found she has not stopped at all and has been deleting messages between them two. He's about 40 married with 3 kids. She's is in her late 20's and is extremely attractive. \n\nI sent him a message and told him how I felt but nothing has changed. And so I asked to have this conversation in person to get down to it and come up with a solution, with his wife there too. If he has nothing to hide from his wife surely he wouldn't mind right? But he's said no straight up. \n\nMy fianc\u00e9 has a very bubbly personality and people have often read it wrong to be flirting. But why is she deleting messages between them two? \n\nI want your opinions and thoughts please. I'm 29 myself and have just gone through cancer, chemo and a major opp. The other week I made an attempt on my life because i couldn't handle it anymore. You can physically put me through pain but I cant handle lies. I've always been open and honest with her and have never cheated on her. She did cheat on me many years ago but I've let that go because we were both young dumb and I had a bit of a temper. \n\nPlease tell me guys, what should I do? ", "answer": "It certainly seems that the personality dynamics that led her to cheat years ago are still operable in some way shape or form. If she is deleting messages left and right that's a major red flag. You have to have a big talk about your commitment to each other and what that entails", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5wdkmj", "comment_id": "5wdkmj"}, {"question": "PTSD and weed.", "description": "I'm not sure if I should post here as I feel weed isn't as addictive as basicly any other drug but I'm really having problems with it. I've been diagnozed with PTSD due to things that happend when I was younger. I've been smoking since age 12 (I'm 28 now) and try to stop occasionally, sometimes for a few weeks some times not even a few hours. I am in the process of getting help but there's a waiting list of about 7/8 months and I'm done having this shit dictate my life but the flashbacks/nightmares and not sleeping is draining my will. Is there someone else also dealing with this, if so do you have any tips?\n\n​\n\nSorry for bad grammar and typo's english isn't my mother tongue.", "answer": "Come on over to r/leaves! Lots of people there who know what it's like to struggle with weed. You don't have to do this alone.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "bek7ja", "comment_id": "bek7ja"}, {"question": "How can I secretly get my nephew medical care without his parents knowing? (mental health)", "description": "UPDATE: Thank you so much for all your help, guys. So many good points were brought up and your advice helped a lot. I was up all night mulling things over, and in the morning I decided to tell my sister everything, before the kids woke up. She was glad I spoke up. This morning she drove the girls to school, but let her son stay home. When she got back from school dropoffs she took him out for the day. They went for a drive to the park, got lunch, and talked. When they got home, my nephew had a nap on the couch. I didn't ask what was said, but my sister said things were smoothed out a bit, communication-wise, and she is monitoring his mood. He will try the school counsellor again, and from there we will see what needs to be done treatment-wise for his health. She also said that she explained to her son my choice to betray his trust, and he understands. Still, I will talk to my nephew, explain my choice to tell his parents, and apologise in person for spilling his secret. Just to make sure we are ok. Again, thank you everyone for your advice.\n\n15M, 6+foot, ??kg, Caucasian, no current medication (afaik), no drugs or drinking. In New Zealand.\n\nSo tonight my nephew (15m) told me (25f) that he is struggling with what sounds like severe depression.\n\nLong story short, he is struggling with the usual symptoms: low self esteem, constant suicidal thoughts, previous self-harm (once), anxiety, inability to focus on schoolwork, inability to fall asleep, inability to get a decent sleep, and on top of all that, frightening memory gaps. He comes home from school and literally has no answer to the question: *\"How was school?\"* He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.\n\nMy nephew is terrified of speaking to his parents about this. **NOTE:** they are incredible, supportive parents, but he hates to talk about this stuff and he is terrified of starting that conversation with them, because he is worried he will be forced out of his 'bottle it up' mentality. I have encouraged him to speak with his parents, but he adamantly refused. He specifically asked me not to tell his parents because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with them.\n\nI don't want to betray my nephew's trust, but I know he needs better care and support than I can provide. I am living with the family at the moment, so I can offer at-home support. However, I think he needs to see a professional. These memory gaps are causing him to struggle in school, it's affecting his friendships, and it's affecting his home life. It's affecting his happiness. He is passively suicidal, but that could change at the drop of a hat. I want to know what I can organise for him without his mum and dad finding out and spilling the beans.. Is he able to get therapy? Does he need parental consent to try medications?\n\nI know this isn't the typical 'AskDocs' question, and I apologise. But I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you in advance.", "answer": "Every country has issues of payment. It\u2019s not the Byzantine mess of out of pocket costs and insurance that the US has, but someone has to pay, and that means knowing what, if anything, needs to be done to access universal coverage. And making sure that a specific doctor is in that system and not private pay, which can also happen.\n\nIt may be nothing at all, but that\u2019s something to figure out first.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "irzugz", "comment_id": "irzugz"}, {"question": "How can i \"self harm\" without actually causing damage", "description": "So I'm just ready to punch a hole thru the fucking wall. I'm not depressed yet and I'm not anxious or mad. I'm just like all 3 at once and I wanna self harm and know cutting is bad so what else can I do?  I can't even do the rubber band thing cuz I take it to far and it ends up just as bad with cutting. ", "answer": "Menthol eye drops (like Rohto ice) or putting a hand in a bowl of ice and water until it goes numb are safer alternatives that still give a good bit of pain. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "9vkgtk", "comment_id": "9vkgtk"}, {"question": "Does it make me needy for wanting these things in a relationship?", "description": "i [23 yo female] recently got into a relationship with my boyfriend [26 yo m] whom i had been in a FWB situation for a little over a year\n\ni had feelings for him early on and had settled for our FWB arrangement but late december he asked for us to be together\n\ni figured all should be swell now, since a commitment from him was what i wanted right? to be honest, it seems like a bit of an awkward transition because now that we have the titles, we arent rly doing anything too differently. its mostly a very netflix and chill relationship. we spend a lot of time together and sometimes go see a movie or to eat, but now im left asking myself what do i even want out of a relationship? and why doesnt it feel right yet if im so in love with him?\n\napart from some anxiety i have about meeting his family/being integrated into his life, i kind of do wish he'd text me more, but at the same time it feels kinda ridiculous to ask someone to txt you more often because then itll feel like theyre doing it out of obligation and not because theyre genuinely thinking about you. i just got used to the way things were when we were just FWB and having him only message when he wanted to hang out. \n\npart of me feels like hes not as emotionally available as he thinks he is. i also dont think he is intentionally trying to keep me at arms length (cus thats how it feels sometimes) and ive rly spent these past few days asking myself what i need and to be honest, i do need someone who i can contact on a daily basis... someone who wants to plan things for us to do, as much of homebody that i am. is this wanting too much? i feel like it makes me needy and i been trying to play it cool for too long i guess", "answer": "look at the big picture, not the details. if things are basically solid, relax and enjoy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzoed", "comment_id": "5pzoed"}, {"question": "I don\u2019t understand my own feelings?", "description": "It\u2019s difficult for me to even use the term depressed; one minute I\u2019m fine and the next I\u2019m uncontrollably sobbing, is this what being a normal woman is? Everyone keeps telling me it\u2019s normal to feel like this and to get crazy mood swings, but I hardly think it\u2019s normal to get so desperately unhappy out the blue to want to take your own life? I\u2019m kind of at a loss where to turn now, or even if my friends are really friends. I lash out at the people I like the most and isolate myself for weeks and I think I\u2019m a horrible person. I get the worst social anxiety talking to new people to the point I don\u2019t see how I can make new friends. \n\nI just feel so desperately lonely and I\u2019ve turned away from the people I love the most, but I don\u2019t know how to fix myself? ", "answer": "I understand how you feel, the same happens to me a lot.   We just have to remember that our feelings are real but may not reflect reality.  Medication and therapy might help stabilize these things, but self care may also be very helpful to make you feel good.   Mindfulness meditation is also helpful, but takes a little practice.  I hope this helps.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9q6k9l", "comment_id": "9q6k9l"}, {"question": "i think its my time", "description": "i really, truly want to overdose. thats all there is to it. my minds just empty i feel empty, too emotional, too empty to overthink. mental states are random, nothing significant has happened to make me want this. i hate this. i dont want to tell anyone. i hope people know i love them.", "answer": " Call 911 or go to the emergency room. Help is available and there is always a way out, even if you can\u2019t see it right now.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "c2pkq7", "comment_id": "c2pkq7"}, {"question": "Possible Conversion Disorder", "description": "My mom is 48F, 5\u20192\u201d, 171 lbs, Caucasian. She\u2019s been having insanely bad head pain since 2-14 and we\u2019ve been to the ER 4 times and our local neuroscience group twice. CT scan, MRV, MRI, and spinal taps have all come back 100% clean and nothing is medically endangering her. What I believe is triggering this from some research I did is repressed memories being turned into physical symptoms. Her mother passed away about 25 years ago and recently her father was in a car crash and being unresponsive to physical therapy saying things like \u201cit isn\u2019t worth it\u201d. I think what happened to her dad is triggering memories of her mother\u2019s death and that process, therefore causing these physical symptoms. Is this something I can make a case to a doc about to see if they can make a treatment plan? I hate seeing my mom in this much unbearable pain over this long of a time period. They\u2019ve tried a plethora of different medications and injections. They even did an occipital nerve block and nothing is lasting more than a few hours. She does have a history of headaches and migraines. Depression has also plagued her for a long time. Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated.", "answer": "Pain is not conversion disorder. Definitionally, conversion or functional neurological disorder is not only pain as a symptom.\n\nShe could be having physical pain as a manifestation of emotional pain. That\u2019s also a fairly common trigger for migraines. It sounds like doctors are already working on her headache. Adding a \u201cnon-medical\u201d cause doesn\u2019t clarify or help anything.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f7maqy", "comment_id": "f7maqy"}, {"question": "Depression and other Mental Health issues.", "description": "Does anyone else not only suffer from depression but other mental illnesses? It's pretty common, I believe, for someone with depression to also suffer from anxiety, or other problems. My illness is a bit more complicated, because I suffer from clinical depression, social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. I don't mean to be self-pitying, but it's like I've been cursed, \"Oh you have one mental health problem? Why not have a whole more while you're at it\"\nThe big problem is, when it comes to dealing with mental health, all my illnesses are treated separately by medication and my psychiatrist, but inside me they all linked in this giant mass of mental disorder. So while I may have my anxiety under control, the depression pops up, or when I'm not feeling depressed I start to act irrational and unstable.\n", "answer": "It is pretty common, unfortunately. Many if not most of people with depression also have anxiety. And with the personality disorders, most unfortuntately also are diagnosed with another disorder. ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "sq5a8", "comment_id": "sq5a8"}, {"question": "What just happened with my script?", "description": "Curious thing just happened. I have a script for clonazepam I take for anxiety. i get them 90 at a time. Doctor told me I can take up to 3 a day but only as needed. I got the script in early April. In that time I have probably taken about 10, but 5-6 in the same week when we had a very intense cancer scare w my wife. Beyond that, rarely. Flying, etc. They make me sleepy, and I like to have a glass of wine or a beer and not worry, so I use them rarely.\n\nLast week, my bottle of about 80 remaining got inadvertently discarded in travel because I am in idiot.\n\nI called the doctor and asked about a refill. They hemmed and hawed and were requiring me to come in for a new appointment. It was clear they thought I was abusing them, and honestly, i get it. I understood. I know its a controlled substance, and a bottle of 90 usually lasts me well over a year. That said, I didnt like feeling like someone that was thought of that way, and decided that the benefit was outweighed by the grossness I felt, so i told the doc not to worry about it, since i took them so rarely I would give a try to something else, possibly more homeopathic.\n\n5 days later, I get a call from the pharmacy that the doc has refilled the script. Was/Is this some sort of test? \n\nI am not planning on going to get it.\n\n​", "answer": "It's always reasonable, and will allay doctors' fears, if you estimate how many you actually take and request a prescription for that.\n\nAs for what happened here, there's no way to know with certainty. One possibility is that this wasn't intended as a test, but the fact that you gave up also made the doctor not have concerns that you were misusing them and so he just decided to go ahead and refill them. It's an unpleasant dance we do with patients; often we dislike feeling skeptical of patients we want to trust, but we also hate feeling duped, and in the end our care really shouldn't be about our feelings at all.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9joor8", "comment_id": "9joor8"}, {"question": "Getting Worse Before I Get Better", "description": "(Ptsd from sexual abuse) I've been on this rollercoaster of emotions my whole life and for awhile I felt I was on the path to recovery. Lately, I feel no good. I scared myself the other day because I blacked out and spilled soda In a friends car and I apologized so much I couldn't stop saying sorry. She reasurrued me there was nothing to be sorry for but I kept saying I was that I was just dumb and it wouldn't happen again and so on. I've been so full of fear and anxiety lately I don't know what to do. I'm scared of everyone that it's become borderline paranoia. I'm so depressed and scared all the time I don't know what to do. Does anyone know what to do? I feel hopeless. I just started seeinng my therapist again. How can I cope?", "answer": "I would ask your therapist to work with you on grounding techniques to help you center yourself when you feel that anxiety begin to rise.  That will help give you a bit of a sense of control if you have a plan for when things begin to feel overwhelming.  You might also consider identifying your tribe - who is most helpful to talk to/spend time with when you're experiencing what symptoms, or gamifying your healing process a la what's described in this TED talk (the whole talk is awesome, but the part I'm talking about begins a about minute 6): [Jane McGonigal TED Talk - Super Better](https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life?language=en)\n\nIf the depression and anxiety continue to feel crippling and the hopelessness persists, you may also want to speak with your therapist about a referral for a medication evaluation.  For many people medication can help get through the initial challenging stages while you're building the coping skills and developing different experiences, so medication is a little like putting the bumpers for kids in the bowling alley - it just helps your brain keep everything more centered while you're learning the basic skills and when you're ready, you and your doctor can begin experimenting with titrating down to lower levels or off the medications entirely (the vast majority of people who begin medications following trauma only need them for the first year).\n\nAnother thing you might considering is working on further developing self compassion, as it sounds like you're being quite hard and down on yourself about things being harder recently.  This is quite normal during the healing process, but it can slow down the process as well.  Kristin Neff (a researcher out of UT Austin) has some awesome books and exercises for developing self compassion skills on her [website.](https://self-compassion.org/)  The healing process following trauma is hard and sometimes it's good to bolster our self compassion skills to remind ourselves of that when the anxious and depressive thoughts start popping up.\n\n(I have no affiliation with either the McGonigal sisters or Dr. Neff, other than adoring their work and thinking they're brilliant and amazing women).", "topic": "ptsd", "post_id": "9iqaze", "comment_id": "9iqaze"}, {"question": "Day 28, 11am, UK: Falling off my 'pink cloud' a bit, but still not drinking!", "description": "Hey everyone, week or so since my last post. I'm still sober after 28 days, and I can barely believe it really :). I'm so happy that I'm not drinking, but the realities of life are starting to creep in. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with various things, and i'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment and a bit 'poor me'. Not being able to numb self-pity with alcohol is proving challenging. I don't want to drink, but equally I don't know how to deal with 'real' emotions without my life-long crutch. My sponsor is amazing, I have made wonderful friends AA, but I struggle to reach out for help when I need it most. I've written a gratitude list and it's put things into perspective a bit, but I'm still feeling pretty mopey and low. Any tips for combating the extreme lows in these early stages? I find it hard pulling myself out of these low moods when i'm in it, i struggle to meditate or read anything uplifting and absorb it, so I've always just given in and drank when things get tough - and I will not do that. I'm really proud of being sober for 28 days, it's just still so new - i'm retraining my brain and body after over 20 years of abuse! My poor Mum can't say anything right at the moment, she wants to help but non-alcoholics just don't get it and I end up getting frustrated with her for suggesting things as I just think ' you haven't got a clue how it feels to be an alcoholic so don't even try to help'. Then i feel guilty for pushing her away and being mean to her, she's nearly 70 and she's trying her best. I feel so angry at this disease sometimes.\n\nSorry, bit of a ramble, IWNDWYT XX", "answer": "Well done. You're on the right path. For me using booze to escape negative feelings became such a habit that it was hard to face these without becoming depressed. I did some 1:1 therapy to help me process and cope with this. Do you have any counselling options? ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "8ryd5x", "comment_id": "8ryd5x"}, {"question": "Let's start a \"Don't you hate it when you...\" thread..I'll go first.", "description": "DYHIWY think something is not safe where it is, and you think of a very logical safe place to put it, and then you forget where it is? \n\nI backed up all my 2017 and 2018 files onto a thumb drive a few weeks ago when my hard drive started going bad, and I clearly remember thinking I needed to put it into a safe place. The logical safe place would have been in the plastic box with my computer accessories in  it, but it's not there. It's not in the second most logical place or the third. It's basically lost, so I have to go get one tomorrow so I can do it all over again before the hard drive conks out. \n\nBut that's not the worst one I've done. I once felt like my bike lock keys - both sets - were not safe where they were, so I moved them. I ended up having to have a friend grind the locks off and buy new ones so I could use my bike. ", "answer": "Don't you hate it when you start a filing system only to file things away and forget where you put them so you go back to the good ol' \"putting things in piles\" method.  Which never fails!", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7z0x25", "comment_id": "7z0x25"}, {"question": "I'm [17/f] and have been talking to [19/m]. Don't know if he likes me? Confused.", "description": "First of all I must say that I overthink everything and I just need a little clarification from people outside the situation. So I'm a 17 y/o girl in Texas and I started talking to a 19 y/o guy over Instagram over a month ago. We live in the same city and really hit it off. I'd also like to mention that he has not come off as aggressive or has given off any red flags. He seems to be a perfectly normal and genuine person. \n\nSo last Saturday I met him in person for the first time. I followed all of the right safety precautions etc. Anyways it was a bit awkward at first, but we eventually found our rhythm and just walked around and talked for two hours. We have a lot of similar interests and hobbies. He hugged me when we met and left, he paid for my meal, offered his jacket to me multiple times (because it was a little cool outside), and while we were sitting on a bench talking he brushed my hair out of my face. He also offered me his hand when I was getting off the bench but I didn't realize what he was doing so I didn't reciprocate and I also never accepted his jacket. He didn't seem overly flirtatious in my opinion and we've been texting back and forth every day since. Despite this, the conversations we have aren't flirty or very forward. I'm conflicted because I really like him but I don't want to come off too strong. \n\nAlso I feel a bit weird about the age difference but I also don't? I'm still in high school and he's in college. I'm afraid to just ask how he feels because I think I might just be impatient. I just don't know how he feels about me or what I should do...\n\nAny advice is appreciated! Thank you! Have a great day!\n", "answer": "Always ask!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jxna", "comment_id": "67jxna"}, {"question": "I have to say, anxiety is the worst emotion", "description": "Honestly, I'd gladly feel any other feeling than this. Its just so awful and pointless. Fuck fuck fuck anxiety.", "answer": "Grief is pretty consuming ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "ahzvpn", "comment_id": "ahzvpn"}, {"question": "Songs you feel describe your BPD these days?", "description": "For me, these days I feel a connection to an early Linkin Park song, \"Runaway\" anyone else have a song or songs they can identify with in terms of borderline?\n\nEdit: truth be told, music is very subjective, and if you have an intuitive mind, you can pull personal meaning out of just about any song...", "answer": "https://youtu.be/LnAIO_Z89x0\nYoung Galaxy - Body\n\nhttps://youtu.be/JV7ufuW0VFY\nWet- Deadwater", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "5j15np", "comment_id": "5j15np"}, {"question": "[23/m] Sex with my previous gf is ruining the experience with my new gf [22/f]", "description": "To make it short, I was with my first gf for 4 years, had great times and sex but broke up, I later was with another girl for 6 months, and we also broke up because of differences in lifestyles. \n\nNow I'm back together with my first gf, but I'm having a really hard time to have sex with her, because with my previous gf the sex was absolutely amazing and we fulfilled our fantasies/fetishes perfectly, while my new/old gf is very vanilla and does not respond well when I try different things. \nI know sex with her is really good as well, but not nearly as my previous gf, and when I think about that involuntary, it ruins it for me.\n\nWhat can I or should I do to \"fix\" this and not think about it that way, and stop comparing. Please help, any advice is appreciated! :)", "answer": "everyone's different", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5uxtgs", "comment_id": "5uxtgs"}, {"question": "He wouldn't commit to me, and I called it quits.. did I do the right thing?", "description": "     I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We've been on a few dates and we talk and text all the time. I thought we got along really well and he constantly reminded me how much he liked me and how well he thought we were going, how he hadn't liked a girl in this way for a long time. I thought we were pretty compatible and I liked him a lot as well. Last night we were texting as normal, but then he asked me, \"since you know I don't want a relationship, what are you getting out of this?\" The question surprised me because although he had dropped hints about not wanting a relationship, I guess I always thought that with time he might give it a chance. he went on to explain that he felt a lot of pressure in relationships and he didn't want to lose me in a bad break up because he \"wanted to be with me for a long long time\" and that a \"relationship wouldn't last.\" I ended up just telling him the truth that I thought we should end this right now and I haven't texted him since. \n     I'm really sad because I really did like him, but I feel used and almost insulted that he couldn't imagine ever becoming official with me, even with how much he talked about us in the future. I don't understand his logic because we're as good as \"broken up\" right now and we most likely won't stay friends, so what's the difference? Although it was hard for me to end things, I just didnt want to stay in a \"friends with benefits\" type situation (even though he insisted that wasn't the case). Did I do the right thing? \n", "answer": "yes. i wish more people would do that instead of hanging around with non -committal losers for years. Of course, then I'd need to find a different job than being a therapist because i'd have no more clients!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6h85om", "comment_id": "6h85om"}, {"question": "End of a 10 year relationship.", "description": "My 10 year relationship recently ended yesterday, and this might seem pathetic but, because of my issues with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, I\u2019m afraid I won\u2019t find anyone else to love me or be with me... He was all I knew and he was my everything, ever since I was 14 to now at 24... I don\u2019t know how to cope or move on yet, and I\u2019m prone to getting overly attached to people and things, I guess as a form of comfort, so I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll never move on. I just need advice I guess and I didn\u2019t know where to turn... ", "answer": "It may hurt really bad now but honestly you probably dodged a bullet.  It's fairly unlikely that high school romances lead healthy lifelong relationships but unfortunately so many folks try to make it work out, get married too young, have kids, etc. only to realize at middle age they screwed up their life.  \n\n\nIt might take a while to grieve the loss of this relationship, but once you do, you'll be ready to grow so much as a person as you learn what it's like to have to function on your own and also learn what to do with the freedom to date as an adult.  \n\n\nBest of luck!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "aexqix", "comment_id": "aexqix"}, {"question": "Paranormal activity, or withdrawal symptom?", "description": "On Novemeber 2013 I decided to stop using chemical substances after 6 years of heavy usage. I had a big fight with my ex husband because I wanted to stop, but he didn't want it. So, I was laying in bed after 4 days of not drinking, smoking or sniffing. I was really anxious, and couldn't sleep during those 4 days. My ex was completely wasted, and sleeping right next to me. However, I had this terrible insomnia and was not able to sleep, then the creepy show started. I began to listen pigs howling pretty aloud in my head, I covered my ears and the sound was actually more terrifying. There was a huge window in fron of me, and then I saw this shadowy presence rising from the ground up to the roof. It had a human shape, but I can't tell what really was it. Suddenly, this \"thing\" came to my chest and grabbed my neck. I levitated on my bed really quick, and hit the bed strongly. It felt like there was no air in the room. Like if my soul was getting out of my body. I began to yell and my ex woke up, I was moving like in one of those exorcist's movies, where you sit and lay back down many times. I was really scared asking for help, saying: \"Please don't let him take me!! My ex woke up really scared, and surrounded me with his arms. Then I felt like if something was leaving my body. I couldn't sleep that night. Next day I woke up with a facial paralysis (fortunately there are is no physical trace in my face), so I went to the hospital. They kept me hospitalized during 4 days, they also found the evidence of a previous heart attack due to overdose. After that day, the only way for me to fall asleep was taking Valiums. I kept the feeling of this thing coming to my chest, and grabbing my soul during 2 months. Even though I was taking pills, everytime that I closed my eyes I had the same sensation. I was afraid of closing my eyes. It was hell....three months after, I broke up with my husband. My family sent me to rehab, I got hospitalized many times, lost the custody of my children and a good friend of mine got stabbed on his heart one year after. I'm still wondering is this shadowy presence was good, evil or just a product of my imagination and anxiety attack. What you think?", "answer": "Withdrawals (especially from alcohol or Benzodiazepines) can sometimes include hallucinations.\n\nAs another person mentioned, sleep paralysis is also a legit possibility.\n\nEither of these (or both) are likely more accurate explanations than paranormal activities.", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "2v59s6", "comment_id": "2v59s6"}, {"question": "(20f) My boyfriend (21m) is headed to basic training/AIT for the US Army soon... Any tips on how to deal with distance/separation?", "description": "We've been together for 3 months, and I've been trying to prepare for most of it. Fortunately, there are no real relationship issues other than his impending absence. I've muddled through long distance relationships before, but I'm much more committed to making this one work than I have been in the past, and want to do anything in my power to make it work.\n\nAny thoughts from those who have dealt with distance/Army relationships?", "answer": "I'm my way out and don't have time for a long response right now, but have you been to [r/USMilitarySO](http://www.reddit.com/r/USMilitarySO)? We are very welcoming there :) You may also want to consider [r/LongDistance](http://reddit.com/r/LongDistance).", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1u2jhg", "comment_id": "1u2jhg"}, {"question": "Depressed and coping with a family member's addiction. Any help will be very appreciated.", "description": "Hello- this is my first time posting on reddit, ever. I just stumbled along this subreddit and was hoping I could just get some advice, or perhaps just vent. \n\nI'm 18 years old, I've had cycles of depression since I was 13. At the start, it was bullying but we moved and it's become so so much better- my school life is good now. However, when I was 14 I found texts between my dad and a prostitute. As I would later discover, he's been a sex addict for 20 years. My world was literally ripped apart, I was exposed to this disgusting side of a person and a world at an age where I don't think I completely understood what sex was. I told my mom- who had already known for years- and we begged him to stop, get sober and seek help. I found new texts 2 weeks later. \n\nThe past 4 years have been hell. It's been cycles of forgiving him, getting close to him, trusting him only for him to break my heart again. He refuses to get long-term help, lies constantly to our faces and breaks my trust over and over again. It feels like a never ending emotionally abusive cycle that I can never break. \n\n A month ago, my sister found texts for the first time. **She's 14.** My mom has been diagnosed with a form of PTSD coupled with depression. She has no self worth anymore. Last month when my sister found those texts, there was a lot of crying and yelling and he promised, swore he'd get help, begged for a final, last chance. He started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings and following the 12 step program. \n\nI found texts from another prostitute from last night. The amount of times I have to read explicit details about what my father wants from a woman- I have no clue how messed up I am or how my future relationships will be because of this. It hurts so much to think of that. There was another period of yelling and crying last night. He's staying at a hotel for now. This is starting to effect my studies, my life. I have no will to do anything anymore. \n\nThank you for reading- any advice or comments would mean the world to me. ", "answer": "Sendlord gives some good advice.  Getting into your own therapy to process all of this is probably the best thing you can do.  I can't tell you how many adults I've provided therapy for who were in therapy specifically to learn how to overcome the damage done by being raised by parents with significant mental health issues.  Despite all the help, 12 step programs like AA and NA are rarely very effective.  There's always a few people you can point to and say \"well they did it and they've been sober or for ____ years\" but all in all the overwhelming majority of people don't get better from a 12 step program without also getting some therapy focused on mental health.  \n\nAlthough 12 steps groups like AA and NA are generally and statistically not very helpful for those addicted (by themselves), groups that are set up for family members of addicts (Al Anon, Nar Anon) I'm sure there's some for family members of sex addicts though may be harder to find, are extremely helpful for those coping with family members with addictions.  Consider finding and joining a support group for family members.  \n\nAt the end of the day, remember your father's decisions, while causing havoc in your present, only has to impact your future as much as you let it.  Once you have the ability to be independent, you get to decide how close or distant you want/need to be from him in order to be healthy yourself, and there's nothing wrong with setting that boundary.  \n\nSorry to hear you're going through this and best of luck!\n\n[-The Web Shrink](http://www.thewebshrink.com)\n", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7zdcha", "comment_id": "7zdcha"}, {"question": "Good places to donate body for dissection?", "description": "I have been experiencing an extremely aggravating burning sandy sensation behind my eyes for almost 5 years which seems to reject any sort of traditional medical intuition in regards to its nature. There is a very large chance that I will kill myself relatively soon due to this if I cannot find any relief, since it has only deteriorated over time. However, I wish for my sinuses and brain to be dissected so that the nature of this anomaly may be scientifically understood. Who can I speak to in regards to such a request?", "answer": "I note your post history - and im not sure why you bother because you get riled up by very reasonable advice.\n\nYou should really just go speak to your own doctor who knows you much much better than any of us, explaining everything you have said in your posts so far. You could even show them on your phone what youve posted.\n\nAnyway if you wished to donate yourself to medical science, make a will.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6re5nn", "comment_id": "6re5nn"}, {"question": "Should I still start on my meds even when I feel perfectly normal?", "description": "I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 early this December after a particularly difficult bout of depression, and while I felt desperate and totally out of it then, I feel super incredibly fine now. My doctor wanted to start me on meds and gave me a prescription on the 22nd of December (lamotrigine, half a 50mg pill, increasing on dosage every week) but I've yet to actually start taking them. I'm just really scared it will mess me up even more -- especially now that I feel normal, not sad and not out of control either.   \n\n\nI'm starting to think what if I just overexaggerated my feelings during a particularly sad time, and I'm not actually bipolar, and the pills might kill me because they weren't made for normal people. I'm sorry, I'm very very new to this and I'm just a little scared about everything.", "answer": "Well, your question is best asked to the person that has prescribed your medications. While therapists often work with people on medication, medication is medical advice. \n\nThat being said, it sounds like an expected path of bipolar to me. Taking the meds as prescribed would make sense to me", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "abcsfo", "comment_id": "abcsfo"}, {"question": "Starting to understand that I am not happy.", "description": "I always sort of wondered why I drank. I would come up with countless reasons in my head, and to my therapist.\n\nI went from \"I like the habit\" to \"It relaxes me\" to \"It makes my brain stop trying to solve problems endlessly\" to the last I can remember,  \"I drink to deal with the loss of social comfort that comes with having very strong social anxiety\".\n\nI think I found a deeper reason, that I could only have discovered sober. I drink because I am not happy with my life. Plain and simple.\n\nI'm on antidepressants, the maximum safe dose actually, and so I am no longer suicidal (thank goodness). Because of this, I am not really sad per se. But I'm not happy, or satisfied with the way my life is.\n\nI understand that the party line here is \"Choose a goal that will help make you satisfied and work towards it\". I don't really need to hear that.\n\nI don't know what I need to hear. I don't know if I need to hear anything. I guess I just wanted to say it somewhere.\n\nI think some people, people like me, just don't really get to 'be happy'. It's not in our genes. So if I can't really be happy, why not just drink and numb the sadness? So long as I'm only hurting myself.\n\nOh well, didn't mean for this to be as much of a downer as it turned out to be.", "answer": "I think it's important to note that for most with sobriety does not come an immediate sunshine and happiness. For some that may be true, but for me I drank because I didn't want to deal with my problems and all the rest. Eventually like most of us, alcohol no longer worked to remove me from the pain and suffering. I had no where to turn because my problems were pressing down on me, but alcohol was making things far worse. When getting sober I had to realize, I've removed alcohol from the situation, but my problems that I had before I drank are still there. I still have terrible ADHD and can't focus in school. I still procrastinate. I'm still depressed. Removing alcohol does not make me happy in the long term, it does however give me the opportunity to be happy. I still have to address those same problems, but without the slew of other problems that came along with alcohol. \n\nI'm sorry, but I agree with the top comment the melodramatic stuff is not needed. We all know where you're coming from and the thing is the majority of us are happy now. You weren't special in your addiction and you're not special in your recovery, you can and will be happy if you stay off the sauce and work on the things you need to. Taking the victim role is the easy way out, but in my opinion won't benefit you. \n\n16 days is huge. Keep it up.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1p2onm", "comment_id": "1p2onm"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t seem to make it past the 3 month mark anymore.", "description": "The longest amount of time I\u2019ve ever had clean was 2 years, most of which I spent in long term treatment and sober living houses. I\u2019m 19 and I\u2019ve relapsed 3 times this year, each time around my 3 month mark. I feel fine, but then suddenly something will set me off and before you know it I\u2019m off to the races. I relapsed on Thanksgiving last week and have spent the last week smoking meth. I feel like I\u2019ll never be able to get long term sobriety and that I\u2019ll always hit this wall at 3 months. I don\u2019t know what the point of it all is. ", "answer": "Sounds like your addiction talking. \"Sure you had 2 years once, but that doesn't mean anything. Your been struggling to get past 3 months must mean you'll never make it, so why even bother? Better go get loaded again\" etc etc.\n\nSounds like it's time to head back to treatment friend. No shame in asking for help.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "7heqiz", "comment_id": "7heqiz"}, {"question": "Any Tips?", "description": "Hi im attending my first therapy appointment today and im just curious how to prepare toget the best out of the appointment? I understand that this is more than likely just a feeler appointment but if you have any tips for what you look for in the beginning and moving foward thatd be appreciated. Thank you All", "answer": "Think about what you're hoping to get out of therapy.  Have at least one, but possibly a few fairly concrete answers.  Ask how the therapist works and how they think they can help you with your goals. \n\n\nThis is important.  You want to get some idea of what you're getting in to before you invest too much time or money working with any particular therapist.  If you feel like what he answers sounds good to you, then you're good to go.  \n\n\nOther than that, I'd say to just write some notes down before going in.  First therapy sessions can be extremely anxiety provoking.  Write down what things you want to make sure you discuss or questions you might have for the therapist.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "blcqzi", "comment_id": "blcqzi"}, {"question": "I know my BPD caused my fianc\u00e9 to commit suicide", "description": "Everyone tells me it wasn\u2019t my fault. Sure, I didn\u2019t pull the trigger but no one knows what really went on inside of the relationship. We were so in love, soul mates. I tried to commit suicide last year and that\u2019s when I was diagnosed with BPD on top of depression and anxiety. I would go crazy over the smallest things. I\u2019m so embarrassed how I acted, I mean outbursts like trying to slit my throat and arms in front of him. I\u2019ve ran out of the house barefoot before, had cops called on me, and he was even arrested once. I was so attached to him, I wanted him to stay home 24/7 so he could never see his friends. We fought a lot about that one. He told me he would never leave me because he knew I felt abandoned and he loved me beyond my problems. He told me I was his only reason to live. I started spiraling down big time the month leading up to his death. We fought all the time because I was incredibly controlling and wouldn\u2019t let him leave the house. So we decided to go on a break, but this time was different because he actually changed his relationship status to single on FB. He came home that night and he was drunk and crying saying he loved me so much and I sat on his chest and wiped his tears away telling him it will all be okay. I asked if he wanted dinner as I walked to the kitchen. He declined and changed and said he was running to the gas station real quick. He said he\u2019d be back.. but he never came home. I got the call two hours later that he had shot himself. The person he called on the way to do it told me his last words were he loved me and he didn\u2019t understand why we couldn\u2019t get along.\n\nI can\u2019t explain the way I feel, but if you too have BPD, maybe you will see where I am coming from, no one else does.. \u201cit will get better\u201d they say but are you kidding I\u2019m going to think about this every day for the rest of my miserable life.\n\nMy entire world feels shattered. I\u2019m literally losing my mind. I was too attached or maybe too in love because I don\u2019t know who I am anymore", "answer": "Hey just checking in, how are you doing? ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9te769", "comment_id": "9te769"}, {"question": "[36/M] How to get over being cheated on [38/F]", "description": "To be clear, the relationship is over.\nLet's start with the ending.  She called me up last minute and tearfully told me she needed the weekend to herself.  Something came up and i had to call her.  At the end of the call she turns everything around and breaks up with me.  I'm too angry to live with she said, but she can't point out anything I've done in anger. I offer to read up on anger management, maybe see a therapist if needed.  Not good enough, nothing is good enough.  We keep talking stretched over days, next I'm manipulative. Because I pouted that one time she felt tired and didn't want to make guacamole. (I wasn't trying to get her to make it, I was expressing disappointment as she wanted to show me \"her way\").  She wouldn't talk about the good things, and instead told me she didn't feel listened to.  Which was even more odd as she said the exact opposite many times in the relationship.  \"My walls are up\"  \"I hope you move on soon\" ended the final exchange.\n\nAlways one to question, I read a solid book on anger management.  Enlightening yes, but not for reasons I expected.  Turns out I'm very low anger and not half bad at managing what anger I have.  Still a good read.  So, my mind starts to wonder... what really happened? I look back over our texts like no sane person would. I see the times she went to lunch with single coworkers who she thought had a crush on her. Lunch here, dinner there.  Followed by long stretches of no texts and what now look like very flimsy reasons for going awol when I was generally expected to be responsive.  I think back to her talking about the last guy she dated before me.  I remember the timeline was confusing as though they'd broken up possibly only days before.  At the time i passed it off, I trusted her... she wouldn't hurt me like that.  I now remember that for the breakup call she was standing on her balcony, freeway noise in full force.  It was late in the morning, almost noon and the early riser was still in bed.  She had to \"wake up\" and go outside where it's noisy to talk to me?  He was already there... It was over before she even hinted it to me. \n\nIn hindsight, I completely missed it.  She started replacing me at least a month ago while simultaneously dangling the specter of moving in with me later in the year.  I gave the relationship my all, I have no idea what I was to her.\n\nSo, as the initial question stands.  How do you move on once someone does you like this?  Trust is already a delicate thing, and she clearly abused mine.  \n", "answer": "Trust is an abstraction, it's a belief, a belief that someone will do the right thing, a belief that someone will always do what they say they'll do. When trust is broken one of three things can happen. You can slowly regain trust if someone proves to be consistent over time, or you can forgive, which is a kind of leap of faith...or you decide you can't get past it and it's over. The ability to trust, forgive, love....these are all such deeply profound, core aspects of being human. That's why it's so hard to generalize, so hard to create a magic bullet. It's just deeply personal. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6ls2sx", "comment_id": "6ls2sx"}, {"question": "His messages getting incredibly short. Overthinking it or is it just common for guys?", "description": "I got into a relationship a few weeks ago and the beginning of it has been well. We both spent portions of the day to message each other lengthy messages on just about anything. We don't see each other during school so we make it up in seeing each other as well. Recently however, he's been sending messages that consist from 1-2 words compared to multiple sentences. I asked if anything was troubling him but he assured me things were going swell. Should I just bite the bullet and ask about it or ignore it presuming it's a common thing?", "answer": "i would base your rel. on the big picture, not the little one", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "60zx5k", "comment_id": "60zx5k"}, {"question": "I posted this in another subreddit a few minutes ago, but I want more than one or two opinions. I need help with a bad situation I'm in, can someone please help?", "description": "So, I've been on and off borderline suicidal for over a year and last year when I was at my worst I walked up to a group of my closest friends and told them how I felt and they all just stared at me. Not like they were shocked or worried, but kinda like that look you give the person who is annoying you.\n\nWhat I told them was that I wanted to drop out of high school and finish my classes online because I was bullied and I constantly had suicidal thoughts. I emphasized that I would finish school, but it would be online and they all told me it was a terrible idea. One of them said they would never see me and that was their whole reason to why I shouldn't do schooling online. My boyfriend basically said if I were to drop out I would never finish schooling and I would never get a job and I would have to live in the slums for the rest of my life. One of my closest friends told me I was overreacting and that dropping out now would just be a waste of time since I was already in 11th grade. So, she told me to suck it up and be suicidal for another year. \n\nMy senior year starts on Friday and I'm absolutely petrified because of those responses to what happened last year. I never got any help from professionals or anybody because my older sister thinks I'm just hormonal and my mom thinks I'm a liar. So, I'm still having suicidal thoughts ALL the time. I've had them all summer long and I'm actually worried I might try to kill myself. So, I was going to check myself into a psychiatric hospital without telling my family and today I read some reviews of the one I was planning on going to. Well, the reviews were awful. There were stories of the staff mixing up patients meds, patients beating up others and the staff doing nothing about it, and the staff insulting patients. For someone else this might only be a minor set back because they can just find another hospital to go to, but this is the only hospital in my town. I live in a very small area and would have to drive for at least 15 minutes to come to another town, but I don't have a car and nobody else would be willing to take me to a psychiatric hospital. So, my problem is I'm probably going to kill myself if I don't get into a hospital, but the only one I'm able to get to is the one with terrible reviews and careless staff. Please help me, I don't know what to do.\n\n\n\nTLDR; I told my friends and family I was suicidal and they basically told me to get over it. I need to go to a psychiatric hospital or I'm probably going to kill myself, but the only one possible for me to get to has very very bad patient reviews. I need advice.", "answer": "From the sounds of it, you better get to the hospital for an evaluation.  One thing I can say is this.  Going to the hospital of your own free will is 100x better than getting involuntarily hospitalized.  If you can make it until school starts, talk to your school counselor or a teacher if you don't feel like you can get help from your parents.\n\nI wouldn't pay too much mind to online reviews about the hospital near you.  People like to complain online and I'm willing to bet the majority of people complaining were involuntarily hospitalized and were angry about it so were trying to take it out on the hospital.  \n\nIf you get desperate, call 9-1-1 and tell them everything.  They'll send an ambulance and get you to the hospital for an evaluation.  \n\nIf it's not quite that bad but want to talk to someone, call the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800-273-TALK [8255])", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "6u77e5", "comment_id": "6u77e5"}, {"question": "Need help finding a therapist", "description": "I have been suffering from a severe lack of motivation and energy, depression and anxiety for about 6 months. I have finally decided to seek help but I have no idea where to start. A Google search of therapists in my area revealed, for lack of a better term, a metric fuck-ton and I don't know what type of therapist I should be looking for or how to tell the good ones from the bad ones. I would prefer to keep my issues private so asking people I know for recommendations is out of the question. Could anyone recommend a reputable website (psychologytoday.com seems to have a pretty comprehensive list but I know very little about the site or publication) or at least give me some tips to help narrow down the massive amounts of therapists I've found that would be great. Alternatively if anyone could reccomend a good therapist in the Southeastern CT area I would appreciate it.\n", "answer": "Psychologytoday.com is always a good place to start. Also- if you have health insurance, you can go to their website and they will typically have a directory of psychologists and other providers who are covered by your insurance. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "35wtji", "comment_id": "35wtji"}, {"question": "I haven't self harmed since 2 years", "description": "I used to self harm every day. My arms might be scared but they haven't seen a blade for 2 years. I threw all blades away into the trash.", "answer": "Wooo hooo!!! Congratulations!!!  Treat yourself to something amazing because you deserve it!!!  Keep it up!!!  This is inspiring!", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "hmvmmo", "comment_id": "hmvmmo"}, {"question": "Is it normal for my boyfriend to still have intimate pictures with his ex on social media - or am I being petty", "description": "Hey guys. I've been with my 28 year old boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. I'm 21.\n\n\n\nBefore him I was with a guy for 4 years who totally broke my heart. He dumped me over a text message. It was safe to say that I instantly deleted all evidence of him from my facebook. If a stranger looked at my facebook they'd have no idea I was with someone for years before my current boyfriend. The more I think about it, it's pretty impressive how fast I cut the ass hole out from my life.\n\n\n\n\nAnyway, me and my boyfriend have a mutual ground about past relationships. He was with a girl for a year (His only girlfriend up to me) who dumped him over a message for someone else and just never spoke to him again. That was 4 years ago.\n\n\n\n\n\nAnyways, a few days ago my entire family met him at a party and added him on facebook. I've got ALOT of older female family members who love to gossip and stalk. Aunties and such. A few days later, I went to my parents house to see my mum and my auntie was there. Her and my mum told me they had seen my boyfriends 'old' profile pictures and they didn't like them as they were disrespectful to me. I'd never thought to stalk his old pictures until this point.\n\n\nHis current profile picture is one of us, before that he has about 4 other pretty 'normal' ones of him goofing around with family and friends and such. Then suddenly I'm flipped to about six photos of him literally eating his ex's face off. I didn't get 'offended' as my family labelled it, however the pictures were taken in such bad taste that I didn't know what to think. Who wants to see you and your girlfriend/boyfriend slurping on each others faces?\n\n\n\nThen, underneath these photos are incredibly vulgar comments from BOTH he and his ex. I'm not a prude AT ALL, I love sex - but these comments were plain disgusting. She was publicly talking about the great sex they had and how big his penis apparently was. This is ALL viewable publicly due to how he has his profile set up. \n\n\n\n\nThat night I told him I didn't really like the vulgar comments and I thought the pictures were in bad taste being as though he has a serious girlfriend now. I said I didn't mind the ones of them just looking into the camera, smiling but I do NOT like the ones of them kissing and feeling each other up. He said he'd delete them. He never has deleted them and every time I raise it now he changed the subject.\n\n\n\n\nI'm not a crazy girlfriend, I never would be or have been but I just don't agree with this. It's not something I need to see yet these photos can be EASILY seen if anyone even clicks on his profile on a desktop computer. He still has his ex on facebook, too  as well as ALL of the girls he has ever had sex with or fooled around with. This in itself doesn't bother me - if anything I applaud him if he can stay friends with an ex but at the same time it makes me wonder what SHE thinks to those photos being on there too, as she has a new boyfriend now and there is no sign of my boyfriend on ANY of her pictures.\n\n\n\n\nWhat do you guys suggest/think?\n\n\nThank you", "answer": "NOT cool", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5t5fct", "comment_id": "5t5fct"}, {"question": "5 hour energy cure cyanide?", "description": "26 white 165 pounds I read that they use b12 as an antidote for cyanide so could I chug an energy drink with a significant amount of b12 and not die from cyanide?", "answer": "The nutritional dose of B12 is in micrograms. The dose used in the B12 \"Cyanokit\" antidote is in tens of grams. That's roughly a thousand-fold difference. You couldn't orally consume enough B12.\n\nThe antidote also reduces mortality of lethal doses of cyanide to only around 30%, which is better but still not something to do for fun.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fah81v", "comment_id": "fah81v"}, {"question": "Request: Dealing with loss of self-esteem and having people see you again", "description": "I was suffering from ED for 4 years until my body just slowed itself down and I started gaining weight again while eating very little. Anyway, I was in a really difficult relationship and it ended very badly. During this relationship I isolated myself from a lot of my friends, diminished my social circle to just a handful of people who all live outside of my city, and put a strain on most other aspects of my life. This relationship ended just before I started seriously devoting myself to treatment, and over the summer I gained much more weight than I was told I would by the doctor.\n\nThe weight gain and the recovery process itself made me depressed, and it made me afraid to go outside or visit even my limited circle of friends. I haven't bought new clothes and feel like I can't face the mall. I cry most times when I have a shower I am terrified of seeing my now ex again at university, because I feel so vulnerable and my self-esteem is so low. I feel like my weight and my recovery is a visible weakness that I am wearing around like a neon sign, and I don't know what I can do. \n\nDoes anyone have advice?\n", "answer": "Yes. Find a local support group. What you need is 12,000 units of validation and support. It sounds like you are doing recovery right but are in the in-between space where you aren't getting the internal control/relief anymore and haven't started to get to self-esteem based confidence so it's super important to get that validation and support from others who you value and trust. It's work but worth it. ", "topic": "EatingDisorders", "post_id": "6w9tvr", "comment_id": "6w9tvr"}, {"question": "How can I stop liking bad boys?", "description": "Why do I find it extremely attractive when a guy is controlling? It's so damaging. Why do I imagine a guy hitting me as attractive! How unbelievably stupid am I to find that attractive. I'm ashamed\n\nI'm 18 (F) with daddy issues. I know why. The question is how do I stop. \nI don't want to get with any guy or give a guy any part of me because I know that with who I choose they will hurt me or fuck me over.\n", "answer": "Just in case \"go to therapy\" hasn't been reiterated enough, I'm going to beat that dead horse. \n\nTherapy. \n\nKnowing the reason you have daddy issues isn't enough--I suspect your \"knowing\" consists of acknowledging that you have an absent father figure who sucked. This is not enough. \n\nTherapy will help you see the ways in which that relationship (because whether he's there or not, the relationship exists for you) shaped your sense of self, how you seek safety, how you view relationships, and how all of that manifests in sexual desire. \n\nThis can take a lot of time, but you're very young so if you start now you have a solid chance at eventually making some healthy romantic choices that will break whatever familial cycles have led to this for you. \n\nPlease, your insurance will help and this is potentially one of the greatest gifts you can give your future self--not to mention future children if that's the road you choose to go down. \n\nGood luck. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "701da6", "comment_id": "701da6"}, {"question": "Is under 4\u201910 LeGaLLy constitute someone as a little person? Or do you need a medical diagnosis?", "description": "23F // White // 115lbs // smoker // No drinking // \n\n\nI\u2019m 4\u201910 and my whole life people have told me I\u2019m LeGaLly a little person even though I\u2019ve had growth plate testing and genetic testing done to have my doctors say otherwise and I don\u2019t fit the other criteria for being a little person. \n\nSo here I am wanting to validate something for people like me, danny devito, and snooki haha are we just somehow by the government with no other criteria of dwarfism besides being short considered actual little people? \n\nBecause dang if I\u2019m a little person this whole time I missed out on a lot of disability benefits. (That\u2019s a joke because I in no way shape or form feel like a little person and I feel like that\u2019s an insult to the little person community for me to claim that title) \n\nThanks for any help in advanced! I really just want to settle it, if I\u2019m wrong I\u2019ll take the L!", "answer": "I believe the legal cutoff is *below* 4'10\" in the US, which would exclude you. As the other poster noted, if you want to know about ADA and regulatory meaning, it's a legal question rather than a medical one. Medically, it's possible to be normal and just on the far end of the bell curve.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8c906", "comment_id": "e8c906"}, {"question": "Child Sleeping With (Defensive) Weapons", "description": "What is the data on such occurrences, if any at all, and if there is any, what does it say?\n\nI ask because I\u2019ve been on the road to recovery of my childhood trauma for nearly 3 years now, and I just remembered that I used to do this, and it has really hit me hard.", "answer": "I do not treat kids . However,  in my role as a forensic psychologist , I often have to read records (police,  medical,  mental health) related to the people I evaluate and victims.  I have seen this come up in situations where a child's mother is in an abusive relationship.  However,  I'm not aware of research on it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "frk385", "comment_id": "frk385"}, {"question": "I went to a huge party today with lots of free alcohol. Didn't have a drop of alcohol", "description": "21 years old here. I made the decision to fully quit alcohol as it had taken its toll in the form of far too many blackout drunken nights and horrible hangovers. \n\nSo its been 3 days so far, but today was the real test. I went to a huge party...it was lit as fuck, lots of free drinks being offered around. I was offered some directly from friends, and I am proud to say I didn't have a single drop.\n\nIt was tiring and a bit awkward to socialize sober. I really struggled a bit but I powered through it and persevered...and thankfully it paid off.\n\nI am proud of myself. Usually I'd always be the one taking the drinks at parties and getting drunk. I saw the appeal and temptation but decided against it, something I really thought I'd never be able to do.", "answer": "dude, that super cool. Enjoy your morning tomorrow :D", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "9ixyz7", "comment_id": "9ixyz7"}, {"question": "I made Dean's List!!!", "description": "Y'all,\n\nI made Dean's List at my university as a Computer Science major with a Physics minor this semester for the third semester in a row! This is really a feat for me this semester because I've also been doing really intense astrophysics AND nanophysics research, both of which I just found out are getting published in major journals/conferences! And on top of this, I now actually have been able to maintain a healthy social life and I've been doing a really good job at adulting/life functioning.  If you had told me 6 years ago I would one day do all of this, I would have laughed at you. But here we are!  ADHD can't hold me back.\n\nAlso, a giant, anonymous thank you to my doctor who convinced me to try ADHD medication, and all the people who write advice columns/give helpful tips for managing ADHD!\n\nJust thought I would share this victory with y'all, since y'all know how hard it can be to have ADHD.", "answer": "Wow, that\u2019s amazing, especially since you\u2019re in such a challenging field! Congratulations! You earned it.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a77yyk", "comment_id": "a77yyk"}, {"question": "Help me please", "description": "I have adhd autism anxiety and body dysphoria  I'm on vyvvance  and zoloft but I've been having other symptoms  idk if they are side affects or what but I've been having insomnia, fatigue, mood swings, irritable, empty feeling, dizziness, headaches, fastening pulse, twitches, urges to rule my eyes and move basically any other body part, shakiness, cold sweats without fever, constantly thirsty,  the urge to bite, cut, and scratch myself,  acne, fidgety, red dots on feet are not itchy and don't hurt, eczema, asthma attacks come on faster, spacing out for minutes at a time,  \n\nIf this has any relevance I recently  stopped  cutting and started seeing a therapist I also have what I think is a melanoma  on my back.  I also have no sense of no you shouldn't/ shouldn't have done/do that also the emptiness is on and off one day I will be empty the next day  I could be fine or I could  be empty  again pls pm me if u have any idea  of what's going on I also recently  developed  a stutter\nI am a masochist and a sadist, I feel like most of my friends are gonna abandon me and I have been told that I am toxic by a bff of three years, I have been emotionally and sexually abused by online \"friends\" I have never knew my grandfather  and I have been emotionally abused by irl friends, whenever I ruin a relationship  I feel nothing not empty just nothing. My crush is going through things rn and I can't  stand to see her in pain. But she is going to abandon me like everyone else and I just know it. I have also been hearing whispers I think my friends are talking shit behind  my back, I'm mentally and physically  falling apart", "answer": "That sounds incredibly stressful.  I would advise you see your prescribing doctor as soon as possible. What you\u2019re describing are listed as \u201cserious side effects\u201d of vyvanse and doing a quick search Zoloft and vyvanse are listed as being two that can have interactions.  [source](https://www.drugs.com/vyvanse.html)", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ff66j2", "comment_id": "ff66j2"}, {"question": "Feeling disconnected 24/7 & scared of developing psychosis/schizophrenia", "description": "Simply put, it's just as the title says. I've been dealing with symptoms of derealization and depersonalization over the time and this year it has gotten more intense.\nIt's because I started focusing so much on my mind for fear of developing psychosis and/or schizophrenia. \n\nI'm 23 year old, female, last year graduated from art college and currently unemployed but I work as a freelancer and get commissions here and there.\nThe thing is, after falling into the trap of googling my derealization symptom last year, I came across schizophrenia and early signs of psychosis. My mind got a thick dark cloud around it ever since.\n\nI don't have any family history of this disease, however I have some childhood trauma due to my abusive father (more like, verbally), the divorce of my parents, my twin brother getting diagnosed with epilepsy and exposure to the health problems of my grandparents (we all lived together and I loved them very much, and it was hard for me to see them in pain). Because of all these experiences, I've always been in a hypervigilance state and FORGOT HOW TO LIVE.\n\nI've been dealing with health anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks since highschool (since I turned 17 or 18 more exactly).\nThe derealization I felt here and there wasn't something I was as concerned about as I am now but lately it turned my daily life upside down. I'll get to it a bit later.\n\nSo, after graduating college, I took a break in my hometown that summer since my mind was fully occupied with my bachelor's degree project for a couple of months.\nI haven't done much for me, haven't been out much due to my agoraphobia and most of my friends living in other cities, the only way of socialising being online.\nI tried sticking to different routines but they all failed in august. My derealization feelings came back and started googling about it. As I mentioned earlier, I came across psychosis and schizophrenia. I GOT FREAKED OUT when I found out the age onset is usually between late-teens to early 20s. I'm 23 and very scared about it. As I said, I have no family history with the disease and don't have either hallucinations or delusions, but reading all of the symptoms I got very hyperaware of my thought process and began questioning my thoughts and doubting myself a lot. I'd get thoughts like \"What if i'm imagining this? What if i'm hallucinating this? What if it's not real?\". Deep down I know they sound ridiculous but I can't help and get scared to why do they come in my mind.\nFast forward, I took my concerns to a psychiatrist in december and after telling him everything, he told me that there's no sign showing of having psychosis or schizo, especially because I was very fluent and articulate in my thoughts. He said that if I had it, it would had started earlier on, when my personality started shaping or something. \nHe however diagnosed me with severe anxiety and panic attacks and gave me some medication. I couldn't take it, cuz it worsened my anxiety but I agreed I would seek a psychologic therapy instead.\n\nTime passed until I decided to finally make an appointment and when I went to my first session, the clinician psychologist mentioned that, from what I described her, my main problem that i'm dealing it would be PTSD from all my trauma and derealization would come from there.\nIt made a lot more sense, but I still couldn't get the thought of my head about the age onset on developing psychosis/schizo. It was shown everywhere I went through sites and formus.\n\nAfter the corona break and being forced to stay in quarantine, things got worse. \nI feel like everything feels surreal, like i'm living in a dream. I feel so disconnected from myself and surroundings. Everything feels foggy and it's like i'm looking THROUGH things, not TO things...if that makes sense. My attention is so focused on my derealization/dpdr that I started to forget words or not find the right words when talking to my family. My speech feels forced and doesn't come out naturally.\nI'm so scared of losing my mind and going insane. I haven't used to be like this, I was the opposite of my current state. I got very insecure and vulnerable, it's like i'm just existing but I can't feel the present moment. I also spend all my time on my phone in my bed and this fear messed with my daily routines.\n\nDoes this sound to you like anxiety or something more severe? I'm honestly very scared and fear opening up to my family about it.", "answer": "I can't diagnose you based on this info . Your symptoms sound much more like PTSD with severe anxiety than psychosis. Your organization and strong drive to question your experiences are strong indicators. \n\nThis is something that really needs to be discussed with someone who is your provider. Any psychologist with trauma experience can help you.  Another option may be to look specifically for someone who has experience with serious & persistent mental illness (SPMI).", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fmxaag", "comment_id": "fmxaag"}, {"question": "Could it be a bat bite, or am I just being paranoid.", "description": "Sorry for any formatting issues, spelling and grammar problems, but I\u2019m on mobile.\n\nI\u2019m inquiring about my son. He is a 2 year old male, about 3 feet tall and 30ish lbs. \n\nSo, earlier this evening after I picked my son up from daycare, I noticed two small scabs/circular scratches about an inch below his right knee, about one cm apart from one another. They look like he scratched them and they bled and scabbed over. If you look really closely, you can see a third, much smaller scab next to them, and there is another single one right above that same knee. Earlier that day, I was researching bat bites and rabies after I had read something online, and the two scabs in question looked similar to a bat bite. However, my family keeps saying that it\u2019s not and I\u2019m being paranoid about it because I saw it on the internet. I should also note that I haven\u2019t heard of any bat infestations in my apartment complex or seen one inside. And no one at his daycare mentioned anything about bats or a possible exposure. Given the information, is it possible that it is a bat bite, or could it just be bug bites or possible scratches that coincidentally look similar to bat bites and I\u2019m just feeding into my anxieties after having been exposed to information about rabies online???", "answer": "It *could* be a bat bite, but which is more likely: your son was bitten by a bat that no one saw during the daytime while at daycare, or he coincidentally scraped his knee on something in a way that left two small scabs next to each other among the other scabs he's acquired?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8s5hb6", "comment_id": "8s5hb6"}, {"question": "What mental illness does this sound like? I have had so many psychiatrists diagnose and rediagnose me.", "description": "Not so relevant to this but I\u2019m 26F white 5\u20194 idk what I weigh though but I\u2019m not fat. I\u2019ve been diagnosed with various mental illnesses since I was 14 and no doctor has given me the same diagnosis. \n\n\n\nSymptoms include getting stakerishly obsessed and focused on one person. Deluded thinking making up crazy scenarios in my head and believing them even if proven otherwise. Being extremely EXTREMELY upset by any form of rejection or being left out, which has caused me to self harm by head bashing and biting... I was never really a cutter. Crazy spending habits, I\u2019ve gotten better but still... constantly making poor impulsive decisions that hurt me and those around me. Excessive jealousy/envy to the point where it negatively impacts my relationships/friendships with others. Repeatedly destroying any positive relationship of any kind except my family, like I know what I am doing is wrong and I keep doing it than regret it. And then go crying or rambling on the internet or treating those around me as unpaid therapists to my issues.\n\n\nI just want to be normal. \ud83d\ude2d I have been diagnosed with a lot, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2, mood disorder, OCD, depression, psychotic depression, dissociative identity disorder...", "answer": "As others have said, this is most consistent with borderline personality disorder.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bsavfk", "comment_id": "bsavfk"}, {"question": "Random, but I'm interested in who you guys are outside of Borderline. How would you describe yourself, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, what do you look like, etc.?", "description": "Sometimes I let BPD define me entirely, but I know I am more than that and I know you guys are too :) Definitely curious to hear about your lives. Feel free to post photos of yourself, your pets, etc. \n\nEdit: Thank you so much for the gold! I really, really love reading about fellow Borderlines who are doing amazing things with their lives (being a mother/father, volunteering and giving back to the community, working as a nurse, working as a firefighter, going to school, writing, managing everyday life, etc.), especially when our mental illness is so heavily stigmatized and demonized by society. ", "answer": "I'm a 27 yo male. I am a marriage and family therapist and I work with kids that have intense psychiatric disorders, and their families. I fucking love it, and going through that helped me learn more about myself and who I am. Aside from that I'm moving in with my girlfriend in a few weeks and it's pretty stressful looking for a place. I have a cat, named Rusty Venture, and he's my special boy. I have two best friends I've know  since I was 5 and 7 that are my real Family. Fuck I feel boring as fuck. \n\nI love video games, tabletop gaming, binging TV shows like Lost and masterchef Jr. I wanna get back into dnd but no one wants to play with me. I listen to chillwave sort of music, like washed out and toro y moi. My favorite movie is Labyrinth, but it's a close tie with Brick. My name is Daniel. I look like this http://imgur.com/hcUDLxe", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3v2qdx", "comment_id": "3v2qdx"}, {"question": "Recovering from crohn's", "description": "I have crohns of the small bowel and it has resulted in me losing a large amount of weight. My current BMI is 19. I am aware that it is in the \"healthy\" range but the lowest part. Last year I was so ill my bmi dropped to 15. I managed to get the crohns under control but I suffered with refeeding. My weight ballooned incredibly quickly and had insane fluid retention in my legs etc. My heart struggled with it and I was given a plasma infusion at one point. Now I have only just learned that it was through refeeding and I wasn't told that at the time.\n\nI am starting to recover again and I am absolutely terrified of this happening again. I know its extremely likely to happen again because I'm extremely malnourished and have been for months. I also know that this can be fatal.\n\nHow can I prevent this from happening? I have a massive appetite. I'm constantly hungry and I'm assuming that is because I've been so malnourished. \n\nI just want to get back to being healthy and active. I would love any advice anyone can offer me.", "answer": "This is something that needs to be discussed with your gastroenterologist and probably would benefit from consultation with a dietician. Not a nutritionist; dieticians have formal training and certification, while in most legal jurisdictions anyone can claim to be a nutritionist.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "e8wj4h", "comment_id": "e8wj4h"}, {"question": "Will taking 30mg Cymbalta interact substantially with the anti-depressant cocktail I'm already taking?", "description": "Age: 22\nSex: F\nHeight: 5'3\"\nWeight: 120\nRace: Caucasian \nAny existing relevant medical issues: Depression (stable), anxiety (stable), chronic lower back pain (working on it)\nCurrent medications: Daily AM: 150mg zoloft, 150mg Wellbutrin XL, 500mg Keppra (500mg dose 2x/day), 20mg propranolol, 1/2 of a 5mg norco.\n\nPM medications: 5mg norethindrone, 10mg Ambien, 500mg Keppra\n\n My doctor wanted to try me on 30mg cymbalta, taking one per day at night. I understand there is a significant risk of serotonin syndrome with the medications I'm already taking, but I'm wondering if the cymbalta will be a major thing, or just something I should monitor. No previous history of serotonin syndrome before. ", "answer": "You'll probably be fine (id be comfortable taking your prescribed meds, at least). Some drugs are bigger offenders than others, but it's pretty hard to predict at times. Ultimately the priority is treating the illness, id think.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5nv8mu", "comment_id": "5nv8mu"}, {"question": "Should I get checked out for rabies?", "description": "I\u2019m a 20 year old female, 132 lbs, 5\u20197\u201d.\n\nI was drunk one night with friends and we were walking to a party when I saw a cat- too young to be an adult and too old to be a kitten. It was very docile and calm so one of my friends and I (we both long animals) approached it. It was a little shy and laid down and cowered a little before we began petting it.\n\nI admit that I was a bit too rough with it because I was not in the right state of mind and was excited so I was petting the cat much like how you pet a big dog- roughhousing and the like. I picked up the cat several times and attempted to carry it and each time it jump out of my arms. It would follow me constantly but stop eventually and lay on the sidewalk staring at me. \n\nThe last time that I pet it, it was calm at first but out of nowhere it scratched me and bit my hand. The bite was deep enough that it has a narrow scab but didn\u2019t draw blood. The bite was a little out of season because the cat was literally playing with me up until that point but I also realize that since it was a stray it may not know how to act around people so biting could just be a defensive response not trained out of this.\n\nI did research and was surprised to see how long it takes the virus to show symptoms in humans- 3 to 9 weeks. It will be a week since the bite tomorrow (Saturday). So far I feel normal. No real change in me. \n\nThere are a lot of tests involve and I don\u2019t have the time for that especially since I\u2019m a college student. I also overreact a lot and my friends keep saying that I should go to the hospital to have the tests done. I don\u2019t want to spend all that money and there\u2019s nothing wrong.\n\nThe bit is healing fine and my gut is telling me it\u2019s okay. But I just want a second opinion. I know anything is possible but I honestly don\u2019t think the cat had rabies. Only 1 or 2 people die from rabies in the US and I heard some 45000 contract it. \n\nI\u2019m not try to play the what if game...\n\nIt\u2019s just unsettling because this virus can actually be fatal especially once symptoms show. So it\u2019s basically a waiting game... ", "answer": "I think you have a misunderstanding. Once the virus shows symptoms it is almost invariably fatal; if you were exposed you often must be treated without really knowing whether you were infected or not. Testing the animal is the easiest way to know, but it's likely that you can't find the cat now. There were not thousands of cases in the US; there were a few dozen in the past two decades, partially because of aggressive prophylaxis after possible exposures.\n\nRabies is actually fairly rare, and bites from an animal that isn't obviously sick are very unlikely to cause rabies. You are probably fine. But the risk of being wrong is contracting rabies and dying. Ultimately we can't tell you what to do, just that the risk is very low but non-zero that you were infected and the risk of untreated infection is virtually 100% mortality.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9bmn2r", "comment_id": "9bmn2r"}, {"question": "Brain Pain", "description": "Bro. I've had a migraine for three days at least. I've been nauseous as hell and I'm super tired, anyone know any fast remedies?", "answer": "Yes, but they require a prescription.\n\nNSAIDs like ibuprofen and sleep are often helpful but not instant.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8eo93k", "comment_id": "8eo93k"}, {"question": "Just got rejected by my crush", "description": "And I feel amazing. Seriously cannot believe i mustered up the courage to ask a woman out. Thought this would feel way worse. Im not scared anymore. I will no longer spend time wondering \"what if i did ask her out\" and I can move on. \n\nFuck you anxiety ", "answer": "The pain of the buildup is often 10x worse than the pain of the rejection. Great job!", "topic": "socialanxiety", "post_id": "6dbno3", "comment_id": "6dbno3"}, {"question": "Weaning off Effexor 100 mg", "description": "So I've decided to get off of one of my medications, Effexor (Venlafaxine). My doctor told me to take one pill a day (instead of my usual two) and then a month later take one pill every other day. Right now I'm still in the one pill a day phase. I'm starting to feel really sick every time I take that pill. Would it be a totally terrible idea to just stop taking it? I feel like it gets out of my system a little and then I take it again and it makes me sick. Any advice? ", "answer": "Follow what your doctor says, if you don't feel well, call your doctor and talk to them. Your doctor knows you better than we do. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "83ngdf", "comment_id": "83ngdf"}, {"question": "Medical Students/Researchers/Experienced Doctors please help, I will pay/reward for new leads of my issues. GI/Auto-Immune?", "description": "Let me start by saying thank you for any and all that read this, the support that reddit provides it absolutely outstanding and brings tears to my eyes everytime I can't believe someone on the internet that I don't even know can care enough to help/invest any of there precious time.  I am persuing medical treament as fast as I possibly can, I have an immunoligist appointment Monday and a GI Tuesday (fourth GI since last June). I just feel like I need to step it up and get as many eyes involved as possible as it has taken over my entire life. I work in IT (thank god) so I can work from home through most of the symptoms, but it has gotten so bad I can't even drive in when I need to go in for a meeting. \n\n\nThe reason I'm offering a reward for any new leads is mostly because if I don't figure this out sooner than later, I may have to go on medical leave and already lose a chunk of my salary unfortunately. My boss is very understanding, but once it affects my work performance this much there is only so much we can do to prolong medical leave of any kind. \n\n\nSymptoms: Every morning nausea, as soon as I wake up. Some/most mornings involve vomitting bile several times, throughout I have a post nasal drip, excessive saliva, and coughing. Abdominal pain generalized and some stabbing pain in right quadrant usually follow or are already present after waking up. This intense nausea/vomitting continues usually for the first couple-few hours until I get myself decent enough to drag my body out of the bathroom. Laying down feels like it makes it worse so I generally try to sit up at this point, Zofran takes an edge off, same with Protonix to kill the more acidy feeling I have. During these periods of having my face in toilet, I also have the strong urge for a BM which usually happens of different consistentence but mostly solid lets say (3-6 BMs) in the morning. After I take my cholestyramine packet I usually don't have a sudden urge except maybe right after finishing it with the glass of water. By this time it's late morning/early afternoon as the issues make me up decently early around 0600-0700. \n\n\nThe nausea continues into a complete lack of appetite as well, I try to stomach crackers/dry cereal while I can but it mostly feels like I am full after eatting a couple, or i'm just too nauseous to even think/smell food. The nausea/lack of appetite/abdominal pain continue throughout the day until I go to bed to rinse and repeat the cycle. \n\n\nTo add to this I have decently bad anxiety, but I'm sure this entire experience has factored it off the charts and adding more depression. I'm trying to take Zoloft ~25mg recently as of two weeks ago, but it's not really helping much. I previously took Lexapro and it was okay for a while, but I stopped after a while to try and see if it was a cause of my other nausea and etc issues. \n\n\nAge: 24\nSex: Non existent since issue oh....M\nHeight: 6' 1\"\nWeight: 170 (195 was typical weight previously record June 2016)\nRace: White non hispanic\nDuration of complaint: over 10 months.\nLocation (Geographic and on body): General GI issues, generalized abdominal pain, some stabbing pain in right quadrant. \nAny existing relevant medical issues (if any): \"Mis-diagnosed\" GERD since 2014-2015. I say mis-diagnosed because it was never proven only just trial and error of medicine that reduced my acid feeling.\n\n\nCurrent medications (if any): Zofran (8mg), Protonix (40mg), Bentyl (10mg), and cholestyramine packets (4g)\nInclude a photo if relevant (skin condition for example):\nOnly possibly semi-relavent skin issue, two spots on thigh, saw dermatologist who did not think much of them. I believe they have maybe grown in 3-4 years, but nothing really that notable, they don't hurt or anything just a bit of red circle/oval. \n\n\nMedical Results (I have tons of blood work including Celiac, VIP, HIV, you name it, ask what blood test and I can provide results, which would be in normal range besides the results below)\n***Notable irregular result in Immunoglobin \n\n\nIMMUNOGLOBULINS IGG IGA IGM \ufd3eIMMUNOGLOBULIN QUANTITATION\ufd3f \u2010 Final result \ufd3e02/17/2017 5:14 PM\ufd3f\nComponent Value Ref Range\n   IgG 1150 | 620 \u2010 1520 mg/dL\n    IgA 162 | 40 \u2010 350 mg/dL\n   IgM 24 | 50 \u2010 370 mg/dL\nPrevious exams: CT, Ultrasound, HIDA, Endoscopy, and Colonscopy, all unremarkable.\n\nFamily History: Mother (fibromyalgia, raynaud's, hashimoto's) Father: (Prostate Cancer/Removal ~2-3 years).\n\nAgain, thank you all so much for your time. ", "answer": "You're on a tiny dose of sertraline to be prescribed for anxiety. Any reason for this?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5yynn0", "comment_id": "5yynn0"}, {"question": "I've heard that gut bacteria can affect mental health?", "description": "19, male, 180cm, 135 pounds, White British, 4 years perhaps my whole life, England, depression, citalopram.\n\nIs it true that taking probiotic supplements can help with depression?", "answer": "It won't do much harm, but its definitely not as effective as conventional treatments such as antidepressants and certain psychological therapies.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "58aose", "comment_id": "58aose"}, {"question": "Increasing cases of forgetfulness?", "description": "Over the past couple of months I've found myself slipping into a rut o f anxiety and general disconnect from the world around me. I've had anxiety for years now but my girlfriend recently pointed out to me that I'm incredibly forgetful and unreliable, and I genuinely did not realise until the past few weeks. It's a real point of strain between us because naturally locking her out of the house for hours or forgetting to do something important for her (or indeed others) leads to the conclusion that I simply don't care, which isn't true at all.\n\nI'm certain that my anxiety is not helping me in this regard, for if I recall now most of my major blips have been during a period where I am stressed or in a situation where my mind really isn't on it. I was just wondering if anybody else here suffers from this, the ease of which you completely forget to do something and only realise when you have an annoyed or hurt person standing in front of you confused as to why you can't get your stuff together.\n\nIt is difficult for me to communicate this to others because many just tell me I am stupid and need to use my brain, and furthermore to simply 'fix it'. Does anybody have any advice for me on how I can help myself get off this slippery slope? ", "answer": "ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! Thank you for sharing this. You are certainly NOT the only one. I do the same thing.\n\nTo give you some background, I am (or was, just graduated) a graduate student in counseling psychology (I want to be a social worker/therapist/community organizer when I grow up). I was in my psychological evaluation class (where we learn about tests that are used to help assess and diagnose mental conditions and disorders) and we were learning about a memory test. The object of this portion of the test was to listen to a story and recall the details to the assessor. I realized that my classmates were having no trouble at all recalling particular details, while I struggled quite significantly. I felt terrible about myself. I thought I had some memory disorder, or possibly ADHD (attention and memory have been struggles in my life, despite the fact that I have been a pretty good student).\n\nSo I went to get a psychological evaluation. Turns out that my memory problems are associated less with deficiency in memory and attention and have more to do with (you guessed it) generalized and social anxiety. \n\nThis was about a year ago, and ever since I have been able to see really how much my anxiety gets in the way of my ability to fully experience the present. The way I have described it to other people is that its like a \"film\" that covers all of my perception and memory. I have trouble remembering details because I am so anxious when I'm talking to people that the memory never \"sticks.\" \n\nMy girlfriend gets SO upset with me because I constantly forget details about her day, appointments that she has, preferences that she has, etc. Y'know, all those things that go into communicating with people that you love/care about and want to engage with.\n\nIt's hard when I am with friends too because I forget about things we have talked about or things that wanted to talk with them about. I'm pretty much in \"survival mode\" when it comes to a lot of social interactions. I just want to keep the ball rolling. I am so focused on the other person's reactions and thoughts and whether they like me or not that I don't really engage in conversation, I just go through the motions. It feels really inauthentic and I hate it.\n\nI am planning to see a therapist for it soon, but I'm moving and not exactly financially stable just yet. I highly recommend that you look into finding a counselor if you are struggling with anxiety. They can help you to clarify the source of the anxiety, how you experience it, and how you can better cope to lead a more fulfilling life. Everyone is different, and what works for me might not work best for you. But I applaud you for having the courage to admit that you have a problem and ask questions!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "3difnm", "comment_id": "3difnm"}, {"question": "Im just confused on what to do moving forward and upset, I feel like I really cant think", "description": "I guess all you need to read is in this post  http://www.reddit.com/r/feminineboys/comments/28kla2/i_think_ive_given_up_on_my_dream_body/", "answer": "Please consider seeking therapy.", "topic": "BodyAcceptance", "post_id": "28r2y5", "comment_id": "28r2y5"}, {"question": "I'm too awkward I give up", "description": "I've tried for the past 4 years to be sociable. I got into an addiction and used it as a crutch to be sociable. When I'm sober I just can't handle it. I'm pretty much a mute. I'm so awkward. I probably gave off the creepy vibe without even trying due to my social ineptness. Now, if I try to talk to any one of the opposite sex I'm ignored or blown off.\n\nThe friends I had aren't really there any more. I feel like my social anxiety ruined my life and I committed social suicide. I don't know what else to do, except just give up.", "answer": "Have you thought about therapy? Therapy for social anxiety has effectiveness rates of about 70% for people that complete treatment. Those are very good odds, so it can probably help you too :)", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4a4izc", "comment_id": "4a4izc"}, {"question": "Advice on coming off Mirtazapine?", "description": "So I've been on 15 mg mirtazapine just for sleep. I suffer from anxiety and depression, so I'm on 150 mg venlafaxine (Effexor) for that. I'm currently trying to come off of mirtazapine because it makes me terribly exhausted in the morning. I was wondering if there is anything to combat against the withdrawal symptoms? I get the flu like symptoms (excessive sweating, sore muscles, body aches, nausea). \n\nAlso, should I cut the dose in half and take that for a week or just come straight off since it's a rather low dose already? \n\nThank you so much in advance :)", "answer": "Its a small dose already - just stop.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6uhhnf", "comment_id": "6uhhnf"}, {"question": "How to avoid telling friends I've never had a gf or kiss at 19?", "description": "I have one friend who is very open about her past relationships and she talks at me about them a lot. I am petrified that she will one day ask me about my experiences of which I have none. So I just say yeah and uh huh and nod and never really contribute to these conversations. Perhaps she just knows I have no romantic history whatsoever?", "answer": "Don't worry about it too much. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 21, and I turned out ok :) Lots of people don't date when they are teenagers. So if she asks, you can just say that you've never dated and it shouldn't be that big of a deal.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "1efhca", "comment_id": "1efhca"}, {"question": "[34][male] How easy is it to get a brain amoeba?", "description": "Today I was accessing a sewer line cleanout on a septic system. The line was holding sewage in it and I accidentally got a very small amount of sludge on my face near my nose. I washed my face in the hose with soap and as I was doing that I splashed a small amount of water into my nostril. I think it went maybe 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch into my nostril. Is there any chance I can get a brain amoeba this way?", "answer": "Naegleria fowleri, the \"brain-eating amoeba\" is rare and lives in fresh water. Getting sewage in your face might be a small risk for infections transmitted by fecal-oral contact, but an amoeba isn't one of those concerns.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "f433at", "comment_id": "f433at"}, {"question": "I now understand the temptation of crushes when you are in a relationship", "description": "Short background:\nMe and my wife hav ebeen married for 2 years, been together for 10 years now. One of those teenage loves, we were 15 at the time.\n\nI never, ever had any girl tempt me the slightest. They just don't. I had my pals tell me that this and that girl looks good and how much they'd like to be with this or that. I understood that yes they might look attractive, beautiful, or whatever, but I never really met anyone who could make me even think about the what-if, not to mention leaving.\n\nUp until now.\nI switched jobs this year. New place, new everything and I actually really enjoy the new place. Improvement from any and all perspectives, props to me. However, with the September, we stole a girl from another department to work for our team.\n\nShe is the first person ever who made me think whatifs. Never before. Funny part we were born on the same day, few years difference, but it's just those strange things you click with someone, even if you never really met before. The humor, the jokes, the habits, the traits. Really curious. And I realized after a few days or so, that I am sometimes thinking that IF I didn't have my wife, what it would/could maybe be with this girl.\n\nAnd it freaked me out. \n\nNow part of the reason our relationship works so much, is that we both are constantly reading about the dynamics, and possible conflicts, we communicate pretty well, and I fortunately read a lot about crushes in general. I forced a kind of analytical view on me. \nI looked for the things that make me excited to meet her every day. It is obviously just those things we connect on, which are different with my wife. \nColleague likes the weird weeb shit I like and can't get my wife to like. She likes the dark humor my wife sometimes get creeped out by. She is just as extrovert as I am (a lot). She acts really girly, feminine, on purpose obviously, but still. My wife is rather a tomboyish woman, but she can be the sexiest woman on the earth if she wants to:) But that is it! I realized, that the fact is, this crush is nothing much. This crush is just the fact I found someone I can connect on topics I am not able to with my SO. \n\nThat is not a threat. And that is not a reason for any stupid deceisons. so I decided I will enjoy having met this person, this really friendly and lot-in-common girl, have her as a work-friend, and just love my wife even more for the fact.\n\nHowever I also realize thow weaker relationships, weaker willed people, or just less prepared men and women can collapse because of such a temptation. It's extremely easy to think that just because someone has the qualities you think you are missing from your SO, they could be a better partner, worth throwing away everything. They aren't. They are just people who can fill out one more thing in your life. but they aren't your SO. and they won't be.\n\nEDIT:\nBoy, did this blow up overnight :)\nGlad you guys liked it, I just wanted to get this out there, as I was sure sme of you might need this too. \nBest of everything to all of you and your SOs!", "answer": "If only everyone were as mature as you!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "77mnu2", "comment_id": "77mnu2"}, {"question": "Planning ahead for medication changes for psychosis and seizures.", "description": "22F\n66.6kgs\n172cm\nCaucasian\n\nCase history: \n\nI experienced a severe TBI two years ago and was placed into a drug-induced coma for two months to regulate brain swelling and intracranial pressures. \n\nI experienced drug-induced tonic-clonic seizures (I\u2019ve forgotten the name of this drug but can find it if needed). \n\nI awoke from my coma and took 9 months to leave the in-patient rehabilitation facility after these two months in the ICU. \n\nThe areas of my brain are said to increase the likelihood of future seizures (left prefrontal cortex and right back cerebellum from concussive force). A skull fracture occurred on the back of my skull and a brain probe was inserted into the prefrontal cortex to regulate pressure. I was kept in cryostasis. \n\nBefore the accident I had been prescribed Sumatriptan for monthly hormone-related migraines, Ventolin for exercise-induced asthma and Metoprolol (1x25 mg/day) for my mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure and social-anxiety related urticaria. I have bilastine (4x20mg/day) prescribed for urticaria in my legs when standing from long periods due to poor circulation. \n\nThe experts at the rehabilitation clinic had prescribed me 500mg 2x/day Keppra (Levetiracetam) and Seroquel (Quetiapine) 25-50mg 1x/day. Keppra caused psychosis and subsequent insomnia, hence the Seroquel. The Keppra also caused hair loss, incessant itching, concentration issues, rashes, emotion regulation issues and other things. Seroquel causes fatigue and weight gain (10kgs in under 4 months). \n\nI now need to drive and am doing a strenuous degree. The concentration issues and constant fatigue in combination to the psychosis and insomnia became too much. To drive I must stay on an anti-epileptic. I am being switched to Lamictal over the next six weeks to accommodate these factors. \n\nMy question is, in the case that the Seroquel must be continued (i.e. the chronic fatigue does not stop), can Seroquel be prescribed for the psychosis and insomnia, Modafinil for the fatigue and concentration issues and Lamictal for the chance of seizures? Do these medications conflict? Would a sedative and a stimulant combination completely wreck my body\u2019s own energy regulatory systems?\n\nI know that it is not super to have been prescribed Seroquel to counteract the side-effects of Keppra, but I fear that the two years of being on Keppra will have ingrained the psychotic personality traits and habits so deeply that I will have to now always take Seroquel and subsequently suffer from chronic fatigue. \n\nI would be so grateful for any help and if this may be something feasible and worth bringing up the next time I can see my doctors. Thanks.", "answer": "Partly to u/dranoto as well. \n\nKeppra side effects can be permanent. Lacosamide (Vimpat) and zonisamide (Zonegran) have less effect on mood. Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and valproate (Depakote) definitely are better for mood, and the former tends to have few side effects. (The dame can\u2019t be said for valproate.)\n\nAt 50 mg Seroquel is basically not an antipsychotic anyway. If you do need an antipsychotic, there are more tolerable options, usually. If you just need something for sleep, there are also many drugs with better side effect profiles.\n\nYou have doctors already. Talk to them about making the switches.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "hxwamn", "comment_id": "hxwamn"}, {"question": "Looking for a good, simple reminder app", "description": "Hey ADHD reddit,\n\nMy partner and I have ADHD and of course we have to constantly put reminders on our phones, like taking our pills in the morning, the time when we have to start leaving for work, or the steaks on the frying pan that will start burning in five minutes.\n\nOur only current option is to use the different alarm options on the phone, but they're very noisy and annoying, and we keep hitting snooze instead of stop and it's annoying. A simple \"ding\" would be enough.\n\n​\n\nWould someone know of an app like this ? It would be much appreciated.", "answer": "You - \"Ok Google, remind me in five minutes to take the frying pan off the stove.\" \n\nGoogle lady - \"Ok, in five minutes I will remind you to .... take the frying pan off the stove.\"\n\nYou - \"Thankyou google\"\n\nBitch never replies with you're welcome.\n\nIn all seriousness I say ok Google to everything. Then when it comes up on your phone you cam click mark as done or you can change the time to later. Or you can ignore it and say \"Ok Google, remind me in blah blah to mark my reminder as done\" etc.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "c1lciz", "comment_id": "c1lciz"}, {"question": "How to talk someone out of conspiracy theories?", "description": "My sister's dating a conspiracy theorist, who helped while she was married to her abusive ex-husband. He seems to believe nothing but conspiracy theories. I've honestly questioned more than once if he believes anything that's actually true. So far, I've seen no reason to believe he does. I'm starting to think he's schizotypy (at best), if not outright delusional. Problem is, he's been talking my sister into believing conspiracy non-sense too. She's actually refusing to wear a mask in public because of that lunatic.\n\nI've tried to reason with him, but anytime I offer counter-evidence to his beliefs he literally just says 'nuh-uh' and presents his own idea of 'evidence', which he got from some single obscure source (he often claims his sources report on things nobody else does). I honestly suspect that he's an alt-righter the way he talks, which would be ironnic given that he often claims to be Jewish (technically he says he's a Samaritan, but his beliefs don't align with that religion from my research). Last time I saw him, he made some obviously racist comments about blacks (which was lovely), claimed that the entire left and the BLM are the actual racists, and also admitted to me he watches a bunch of obviously fake youtube channels that talk about ancient aliens and whatnot.\n\nI don't know what to do here. I'm tempted to just tell the guy he needs psychiatric treatment, but I doubt that would get anywhere. I'm just an sjw to him it seems. In all honesty, he seems to be convinced I'm the one with the mental problems, for not believing in the Illuminati and thinking the moon landings happened and whatnot. I've also thought about just telling my sister to break up with him, but she's so deep into conspiracy theories now too I don't know if I could talk her into that. Besides, she's been reliant on him since she moved out from her ex-husband. She may not be able to avoid that lunatic even if she wanted to.\n\nWhat can I do about this? I've asked online multiple places, but I never get a response. The situation is starting to get dire here, since my sister is refusing to wear a mask in public (she thinks the covid-19 virus is no worse than the flu, and thinks I'm just overreacting by wearing a mask). And yes, this guy's a blind Trump supporter to. And yes, it didn't take him long to forget that incident when Trump made an anti-semitic comment. He seems to think anyone who isn't blindly loyal to that man is anti-American. I really don't know what I can do here. He's endangering my sister by talking her into conspiracy bs about the coronavirus, and I've noticed she seems to be talking to us less and less. Now, he's not an abusive person from what I've seen, he's just insane. I actually had a father (who's now deceased) that was once diagnosed as schizophrenic, and even he was more attached to reality than this guy. \n\nI have no idea what I can do about this. The only other relative I have in town is my mother, but she has anxiety so I'd rather not bring this up with her. I've given her a few hints that he's talking my sister into conspiracy theories, but she doesn't appear to grasp how bad this is getting, and I don't want to bring it up to her. At the rate things are going, I would seriously organize an intervention if I could my sister's losing touch with reality so much because of that obvious mad man. He may be a nice guy, but he's wound up in falsehoods like you wouldn't believe, and some of the stuff he believes is honestly dangerous (like denying that the virus going around is anything serious). \n\nPlease help me, I need to do something about this but I don't know what I can do. Everything I've found online just says there's no way you can talk sense into a conspiracy theorist, and I'm in a situation where I need to do just that.", "answer": "There is no way to talk anyone out of conspiracy theories.  Even when a person is delusional , has hallucinations, or has extreme false beliefs due to dementia,  a psychologist would never typically try to use logic or argue. If logic worked,  the beliefs wouldn't exist to begin with.\n\nWhen we treat delusions,  we try to connect with the feelings behind it,  because the feelings are real even if the story is not. \n\nLots of people right now are refusing masks and  believe that the virus is a conspiracy.  For most , denial is a way to deal with anxiety.\n\n\nIn my opinion,  the best you can do is make sure your sister knows you are there for 100% if she decides to leave . It may feel safer for her to buy into the conspiracy theories than to face whatever comes next for her.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hs1w3x", "comment_id": "hs1w3x"}, {"question": "Looking for suggestions for therapy for a 23M with OCD and psychosis NOS that aren't sedating antipsychotics", "description": "I don't know if this is the right subreddit to ask this in, or if we're allowed to solicit advice on behalf of others, but I really would like some help. Suggestions on where to cross-post this would also be great.\n\nMy boyfriend very recently had a psychotic break due to refusing to take his medication. I want him to get better permanently, so once he's stabilized I'd like to have some information ready about different options. He absolutely loathes all the sedating antipsychotics he's tried. He didn't dislike Abilify, which AFAIK is the only activating antipsychotic he's tried, but he said it distanced himself from his emotions too much for his liking. It was also only a moderate dose (12.5mg); it didn't cover his psychotic symptoms fully but made him feel zonked out. He was also on Strattera (or something extremely similar; I recall it being a non-stimulant AD[H]D medication) for a short spell; I seem to remember it made him feel manic. I feel like if we have to go the antipsychotic route again, an activating antipsychotic would be the way to go. However...\n\nOnce the non-compliance IM injections are through, I fully expect him to balk at taking anything that's labelled an antipsychotic no matter how helpful it is or could be. Are there, perhaps, some alternatives here? I'm not familiar at all with alternative therapies for psychosis in particular; I know therapy (CBT and REBT in particular) is good for OCD, but I'm not familiar with any treatments for psychosis that aren't antipsychotics.", "answer": "Which country are you based? Im assuming Canada but you could be anywhere.\n\nAntipsychotics are pretty much the only way to effectively treat psychosis.\n\nAripiprazole depot might be an option?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5w9w3m", "comment_id": "5w9w3m"}, {"question": "I'm venezuelan and i feel like i've never lived my life.", "description": "I am a 20 years old guy from Venezuela and I feel like my life is being wasted.\n\nOkay here it goes. I was born in a middle-class family in a town somewhere in the Venezuelan Andes. When I was born my father retired for some reason I never understood, my mother never had a job, even after that I had the chance to attend a private school. Time passed, when I was a child, I was basically forced to hear about politics a lot, even though at that age I never really understood anything about it (I\u2019m talking when I was 6 or 8). When I was a child, the economic situation wasn\u2019t as hard as it is now. I was a happy kid who never worried about nothing, only about getting good grades at school to make my parents proud, not because I really wanted it. I grew up as a guy with a really low self-esteem, I hated everything about my body and my personality.\n\nNow I\u2019m a 20 years old who feels like I\u2019ve never really lived my life, I\u2019m currently living rented in a room in another city, I study and I have a job that doesn\u2019t pay much. Why do I talk so much about the economic situation? Well, to no one is a secret that the government in Venezuela is not and was not the best, with all this \u201csocialism of the XXI century\u201d stuff and that Chavez adoration. I am a person who\u2019s never been on vacations to a nice place, the last time I was in a real \u201cvacation\u201d was probably when I was 12, since then all I\u2019ve done is study and live my sad and monotonous life.\n\nVenezuela is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, and I can confirm it. I\u2019ve been stabbed twice and shot once, mostly by thieves who tried to steal my stuff (like my cellphone or my wallet), and I have to live that everyday of my life, I can\u2019t stand the fact that I have to be scared if I leave my classes at 6pm because I know it\u2019ll be dark and it\u2019ll be dangerous for me so I\u2019ll have to put my phone inside my boxers just in case things get ugly because sadly I don\u2019t have the money to buy another one.\n\nOnly to buy a laptop I had to save money for over two years and a half, I don\u2019t want this for me. I feel like I\u2019m being consumed here with no possibilities of getting out. Everytime I check the tv or the news and I see anything government related I just get sick because I know it\u2019ll be something bad for the people who really wants to get out of here.\n\nEverytime I talk to my father, all he talks about is how hard is now to get a roll of toilet paper or milk, that he has to make huge queues to buy a pack of flour and sometimes he gets so happy when he gets the chance to buy 2 liters of milk, I mean...how low can our standards get that we get happy for stuff that used to be easy to get before?\n\nEverytime I talk to my mother, she starts crying because she says I don\u2019t deserve to live what I live, that I deserve to live in a better place where I don\u2019t have to risk my life everytime I\u2019m outside, yesterday I was in my faculty and some hooded men called \u201cTupamaros\u201d (Government supporters) started throwing tear gas bombs everywhere to close the faculty because they want vacations already (some of them are actually students). Of course I didn\u2019t tell this to my mom or she\u2019d freak out.\n\nI forgot to mention that I\u2019m an engineering student, I\u2019m studying hard to become an engineer as soon as possible so I can get out of here because I literally cannot stand this anymore, every night I start crying until I fall asleep, I don\u2019t know how I haven\u2019t lost my motivation for study yet.\n\nWith my studies and my job, I\u2019m a really busy person, so\u2026I actually have now what you would call a long distance relationship, yes, with a girl I\u2019ve never seen in my life. She\u2019s from a country in Europe that I won\u2019t name. She says she\u2019s deeply in love with me, and somehow I feel like I am too. I don\u2019t have the time to have a real girlfriend, and to be honest\u2026why did I choose to have a relationship with a girl like this? Not gonna lie, she\u2019s a very cute girl and I\u2019m fascinated by her, but at the same time, somehow\u2026she represents the future I want for myself, I want to live in a country where I can be outside after 6pm and not be scared, I want to live in a country where I can find the food of all the brands I want, I want to live in a country with a stable job and a decent purchasing power where I don\u2019t have to save money for years to buy a miserable laptop or where the thought of buying clothes is something unthinkable, I want to live in a country where I\u2019m not limited to have $400 per year for a fucking exchange control. But more than that, I want experiences, I want to travel, I want to live life\u2026but sadly, that\u2019s something impossible at the moment.\n\nI know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.\n", "answer": ">I know my English is awful and I\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s not my native language.  \n  \nbwahahahaaaaa your english is fucking perfect man.  You will get in anywhere easily :)  \n  \nfinish your engineering degree and come on over.", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "1s77uu", "comment_id": "1s77uu"}, {"question": "How would you handle a patient traumatized by the supernatural?", "description": "I\u2019m a writer so please understand this is all theoretical. \n\nI have a character suffering PTSD from a supernatural experience. I\u2019ve thought about this a lot\u2014 how would they get treatment if their experiences sound like delusions? Since the experiences were real, but sound like they are fantasies, I\u2019m imagining getting a therapist to appropriately treat them would be difficult. \n\nOr to write it in a case study (?) type form;\nPatient A has a history of depression and suicide attempts. They have high levels of paranoia, flashbacks of traumatic events, and nightmares. The events they describe sound completely impossible and fantastical, but the patient has no other signs of delusions. They have been repeatedly hospitalized for depression, and have taken a variety of medications with mild or no improvement. How do you treat this patient?\n\nThank you to anyone who answers!!", "answer": "While I'm sending many folks here seem to have a really negative view of therapists and therapy here they are right in some aspects.  \n\n\nTherapist here who has worked extensively with psychotic clients over the years.  I would say my approach is often much more effective than that of others in that in working with them I'll treat whatever they're telling me as if it's real, because it IS real for them.  If they ask me if I believe them, I'll often say something like \"Well... I don't necessarily believe it nor do I disbelieve it.  I'm scientifically minded and since I can't prove or disprove it, it's not really important to me whether I believe it or not.\"  Often we'll work on how/why it's important that me or others believe them.  \n\n\nIn general, someone in the circumstance you've described would likely be diagnosed with PTSD and possibly Schizophrenia or a more acute diagnosis if they were claiming the events happened recently and they were fine before that.  At a certain point, I'd probably recommend they talk to a Psychiatrist to see if any meds could help \"At the very least, to deal with all of the stress this event has caused you.\"  It would be up to the Psychiatrist what they want to put them on.  \n\n\nAt the end of the day, psychosis, trauma, etc.  We're not trying to convince them they're wrong.  We're trying to help clients live their best life possible, so we treat the symptoms of the person that are causing them problems, not the specific diagnosis.  The person doesn't want to have flashbacks anymore?  We try to figure out a way to get the flashbacks to stop.  The client doesn't want nightmares anymore?  We try to get the nightmares to stop.  If there belief in what happened to them in and of itself isn't exacerbating the symptoms or blocking them from getting to the point they want to be at, then it's not something I'm focused on changing.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "dphmc8", "comment_id": "dphmc8"}, {"question": "May I be infected of Tuberculosis?", "description": "Long story short: I met a girl online, we meet and we liked each other. We were really close all night, but no contact a part from cordial kisses on hello and goodbye. She agreed on going to my place but when we were leaving the bar (which casually was full of friends of mine, it's like our bar, and she talked closely to some guys and girls from my circle) she told me about her mother having tuberculosis, being on the hospital since september. Then she told me she and her sister were on preventive treatment. EDIT: Both, her sister and her are infected too, (I mean, TB is inside them but is not showing symptoms) I understood treatment is to prevent it to get bigger.\n\n​\n\nWith my Ninja google skills I did a quick search. Damn, TB is air transmited. I entered on panic mode, DEFCON 1, my friends and I were on danger. Luckily a friend called me and I said her it was an emergency we should postpone our bed time.\n\n​\n\nShould I check myself? Should my friends check themselves?\n\n​\n\nI mean, I know I'm a bit paranoid right now, TB is now kinda on control and may never present symtoms, but I don't want inside me something that can put in danger those I love.\n\n​\n\n​\n\nExcuse me if I've been non-respectful with something. I'm just kinda afraid.", "answer": "Seems like you're probably more worried than you need to be. Her mother is the one infected, not her, and she is on some kind of medication to prevent or treat it anyway and likely has been for a month. The chances of infection aren't knowable, but since she said nothing about being infected, and the infection is likely suppressed by antibiotics if she were, I don't think you were at risk.\n\nIf you will be worried you can get a test done in a couple of months, but even if it comes back positive I would be inclined to suspect chance contact on the street rather than someone who is likely getting close attention from doctors for TB exposure already.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "9rz7vz", "comment_id": "9rz7vz"}, {"question": "15M Is it possible I had the coronavirus?", "description": "M, 15, USA, Possibly had coronavirus\n\nI was really sick in mid December with a dry cough and shortness of breath, and a sore throat so bad, i could not speak. A mild fever ensured and I was overall sick for atleast 3 weeks. After attending the doctors office, they concluded i didnt test positive for seasonal flu, nor any other test they offered, including swine flu. Is it possible i had the coronavirus?", "answer": "If you did, you would see many people around you with the same symptoms. I'm assuming you live with your parents?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fmyczp", "comment_id": "fmyczp"}, {"question": "18 months sober and I thought I could drink like normal people again...", "description": "Sober for 1.5 years and I decided I might be able to handle alcohol differently. Big mistake I\u2019ve ruined everything I worked so hard to achieve. So on the 11 December I relapsed and made a dick of myself. And then again yesterday I thought why not I\u2019ll give it another go. I\u2019ve lost my girl because of this stupid behaviour. So my drinking has ruined my life again. Please stay strong people and hopefully my story stops Someone not go back down the unforgiving rabbit hole that is alcohol. Peace be to you all", "answer": "Sorry this happened to you. I appreciate the reminder of what happens when we drink again. Just remember you don\u2019t have to continue with the downward spiral. It can and will always get worse. If you stop the damage now, hopefully you will look back at this as a minor setback, and maybe even a needed wake up call. Wishing you the best moving forward.", "topic": "alcoholism", "post_id": "eaunq0", "comment_id": "eaunq0"}, {"question": "I'm [45/f] first relationship and he [48/m] needs \"alone time\" and I don't know what to do with this.", "description": "This is my first relationship if you can call it that. I have always been extremely introverted to the point I don't go out unless it's for work but I met this guy and after getting a divorce [him], we started hanging out.  We have never said we were exclusive and yes, sex was on the agenda but so was spending time together whenever we could. He has a very high-stress job and is a workaholic so spending time with him is always a scheduling nightmare.  This has been going on for almost a year and this week he calls and says that he has been seeing myself AND another woman, \"he's sorry, needs time to think and be alone, has been stringing us both along\" blah, blah, blah.  Apparently she had also seen my texts to him (which I find to be an invasion of my privacy) and they had a fight which is why I got the phone call.  That was four days ago and I get no response from him at all.  I honestly don't know what to do with this.  I don't feel like I'm losing a partner so much as losing a friend but I can't tell if I'm losing anything at all!  What do I do?", "answer": "he doesn't seem ready for a relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77x9il", "comment_id": "77x9il"}, {"question": "Existential deadening because of antipsychotics? Incredibly suicidal because of this.", "description": "**TL;DR: Feeling internally dead. Just been prescribed bipolar meds but I'm not sure I'm bipolar, so I think it's making some weird and unintended effects. How do bipolar meds to non-bipolar people take effect? Because I believe something's happening to me. I've feel like I've been mistakenly given wrong meds**\n\n---------------------------------\n\n\nHi there guys, I'm not sure if this is alright to post here but let me know and I'll delete this asap. I'm just a bit upset as of the moment and need some third-person perspective on this. Please, please let me know where I should post this because I'm not meeting my psychiatrist for a while because he's out of town and I need some advice. \n\nAnyway. I feel really dead.\n\nLong story short is that I'm emotionally and existentially dead right now, and I haven't ever felt that before ever since I was depressed for 2 years. Like, it's making me really uncomfortable insomuch that I become extremely apathetic of the future and that I lose interest in everything. All my goals for the future I've come up during therapy just contributes no enjoyment anymore, and it's become severe enough that I've been seriously thinking of killing myself because what's the point? Depression for me has always been sadness to the point of nullity, but this time the nullity has become too strong that I just want to end it. I hate myself.\n\nI'm on bipolar meds as well. And I don't think I'm bipolar.\n\nOk, so context. I've recently been prescribed lamotrigine (a bipolar med) to combine with escitalopram which my psychiatrist halved the dose recently too. I was on Abilify before to stop my impulsivity and suicidal intent and I've realized soon after that my psychiatrist suspects I'm bipolar (for a myriad of reasons, but to be honest I always thought I just had unipolar and that those \"manic\" episodes were just normal episodes of, you know, life?). [**Here are some reasons I think my psych suspects I'm bipolar: Impulsive drinking, self-harm, made two big unnecessary decisions in life in a short timespan, racing thoughts, feelings of wanting to jump off a bridge, irritability, some euphoria (possibly caused by Biperiden meds)]**\n\nAnyway, I'm sleepy all the goddamn time. I've never been bedridden because of depression (only occasionally), and now I've stayed in bed for a little less than 24 hours. I feel cognitively slow and upset. I really hate feeling like to an extent I would actually trade my old feelings of extreme loneliness, sadness, and some emotional chest pains. \n\nHere's a list of the meds I've been on recently (just to provide some info to anyone who's had experience on the same): escitalopram (been on it since the start), Aripiprazole/Abilify (added after the escitalopram was treatment-resistant), Biperiden/Akineton (to ease the side-effects), Lamotrigine (new med that replaced the Abilify).\n\nThe question I have right now is whether this is just me or is it the meds? Because if it's the meds, is there any way to fix this or am I doomed to magically resolve this through my own effort and therapy (which I honestly feel impossible, and I'm being rational right now). What do you guys think? I just want to feel happy or content or something again and I don't know what to do. \n\n\n", "answer": "Coming from the practitioner side of things: most clients I've worked with who were taking mood stabilizers typically had unpleasant side effects initially, anywhere between 1 to 3-4 weeks. For most, these side effects decreased in severity over time, and then mostly alleviated. For those who continued having intolerable side effects, they were switched to other meds. Most meds will give you side effects unfortunately, however often these will alleviate within a few weeks. It's not fair to ask, but often we need the client to push through the side effects if they can to see if ultimately they will go away (and the med be a successful regimen) or if it needs to be switched.\n\nI don't know your psychiatrist (and certainly there can be a few dicks in this profession like in any other), but I'd encourage you to ask him why he prescribed these meds and what he believes your diagnosis might be. Sometimes, for example, mood stabilizers are given to help with Borderline Personality Disorder, as opposed to only Bipolar disorder. Most clinicians I know welcome having an actively involved client. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2hz44m", "comment_id": "2hz44m"}, {"question": "Should I try to find a therapist for my self-harm?", "description": "I\u2019ve done NSSI for about two years (17F), and only superficial cuts. They didn\u2019t get deeper significantly over the course of two years. I\u2019m also pretty sure I don\u2019t have depression and I haven\u2019t had anxiety attacks in a while.\n\nDo you think I should reach out to a therapist or parents/counsellors? Or should I just wait this out?", "answer": "If it seems to be escalating as you\u2019ve said, I would contact a therapist. If you feel comfortable talking to your parents or a school counselor you can start there, especially with your parents if you need them to sign documents to receive treatment. Even if you don\u2019t need them to sign, it is good to have support.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gd61v6", "comment_id": "gd61v6"}, {"question": "Is an insecure spouse always a cheating spouse?", "description": "My husband 24m and I 25f have been married 2 and a half years and this past year he's been a rollercoaster ride. He has changed since we started dating and I get that people change. The difference is that he has become much more insecure and doesn't trust me even though I haven't given him a reason to not trust me.\n\nThere have been times where I go out with a mutual friend to get our nails done and if I take a certain amount of time he's rude and distant when I get home and just looks at me like I've been doing something wrong. Other examples are having a male doctor, he thinks I like our neighbor who is married, going out anywhere by myself and I take longer than 30 minutes, I get greeted with an attitude. I'm starting to not want to do certain things just so I won't have to deal with that side of him.\n\nIt's frustrating to be ignored, pushed aside and feeling unheard when I tell him he hurts me when he acts this way for something I'm not doing. I want to fight for our marriage but it feels like I'm drowning at times with all of these emotions I get when he acts like this. He can also go days behaving this way and even if I cry to him to stop he still walks away.\n\nI don't know what to think I've been told that when you're constantly being accused of cheating the accuser is the one cheating. \n\n", "answer": "you need marriage counseling", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qfnsn", "comment_id": "6qfnsn"}, {"question": "Where is that happy medium btwn being alone and not needing anyone; and having and SO and needing them all the time?", "description": "Example: I was alone for a long time and I learned to live with it. No one was texting me, no one looking forward to seeing me and vice versa. And for the most part I learned to ignore that loneliness. I had hobbies, I kept busy. Yeah, I had to face that last hour before bed, but I could distract myself.\n\nRight now, I'm seeing someone and all of a sudden I feel so needy. I want ALL of her. I feel jealous if she is out without me, and I know that jealousy is my insecurity that I'll be rejected, so I see any other friends as threats.\n\nI'm reminded of a post I saw recently that mentioned how BPD symptoms only manifest themselves thru interactions with others, and how someone with BPD, alone on an island, would appear perfectly normal. There's a part of me that, though I want this woman in my life, I hate feeling possessive. \n\nI see now with past exes that I tried to more or less put them in a cage. I was so scared of rejection that I wanted to preclude from their lives any avenue by which they might leave.\n\nI don't want to do that! I want this woman to be happy and independent and to be able to choose everyday to be with me. \n\nIf anyone has any advice on dealing with these feelings, if you've been thru a similar situation, I'd appreciate hearing about it.", "answer": "Everyone is normal in a vacuum. Make no mistake, bpd is not unique in that aspect. If you were alone on an island you would never be abnormal. However, you'd be lonely as fuck. So that's not a good indication either lol", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "bk37qs", "comment_id": "bk37qs"}, {"question": "Anxiety and insecure outbursts are killing me", "description": "My insecurity is killing my relationship. I'm aware of this and it's something that I'm trying to get under control and I recently started talking to a counselor. My relationship is on the ropes though and I need some better techniques to control my urges to bring up issues. The problem is whatever is bothering me will nag at me until I say something even if my significant other and I have talked about it a million times I just need to get it out and it's driving him mad because it's creating issues that aren't really issues. I was sure he was going to dump me this weekend. Advice please?!", "answer": "i would see a therapist. psychologytoday.com if in the US", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6mgevd", "comment_id": "6mgevd"}, {"question": "The Life of an Ugly Gay", "description": "Hello world, I just wanted to come here to vent about my life and wallow in my own self pity. If you'd like to join the pity party, you're more than welcome.\n\nI'm openly gay and live in a city with a thriving lgbt community. I've never really been exposed to homophobia or anything and am pretty lucky in that sense. However, I'm not cute. I mean, the people in my life tell me I'm attractive but I feel like that's more politeness than honesty. My two biggest criticisms of myself are that Im overweight and relatively feminine. Although, I have a pretty extensive dating history, but that doesn't matter to me. In my mind, I'm Quasimodo constantly trying to court Esmeralda.  \n\nAfter many failed attempts to lose weight, I turned to cocaine and developed a serious addiction. I could see everyone around me worried about my health, telling me that I'm 'too skinny'. But in the mirror I was still obese and undesirable. I needed more blow, I neededto suppress my appetite, I needed to become beautiful. Instead, I became a monster.\n\nToday, I'm trying to quit hard drugs. My appetite is going haywire as a result and I can literally feel myself swelling up. It's terrifying because the only way I can think to stop it is to  turn back to my old ways. I don't want that, but I also don't want to be a fat femme gay boy forever.", "answer": "You need to see a psychiatrist.  You seem to have a chronic disorder with how you perceive your appearance, and you need to be under the care of a physician as you try to quit those hard drugs and return to a healthier weight.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "4bd4l9", "comment_id": "4bd4l9"}, {"question": "Turning 25 this year and have never been in a romantic relationship. Starting to feel hopeless.", "description": "I have an amazing family, great friends and an all around good life. But I can't seem to make a romantic relationship work. \n\nI've had a couple girlfriends and gone on lots of dates, but nothing serious or very long lasting. \n\nAll I want is a girl I can talk to and watch stupid YouTube videos with, nothing crazy. But everytime I am romantically attracted to someone, it falls apart in my hands. I act like a moron, no matter how much I try to \"be myself\", not happening. And the few girls I have managed to become comfortable around, either friend zone me or I try to take the next step and fudge it up some way or another.\n\nI don't know why I'm making this post. I don't even know what my real problem is. I just need to get this out.", "answer": "maximize opportunities to have conversations with girls. recreation/social activities, online dating, meetup.com. it will happen!   then go SLOW", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67uf92", "comment_id": "67uf92"}, {"question": "I [20/m] have feelings for my best friend [21/f], don't know what to do.", "description": "I'm in my first year of university and have known her for about 8 months. I didn't realize I had feelings for her until 2-3 months ago. At first my response was to try backing off and hope the feelings would fade away. Usually that's what happens to me as I've only had long lasting feelings once before. But they didn't die and now I can't figure out what to do. I really don't want to risk our friendship because I value it a lot and a few of my other important friendships would also be hurt if my relation with her was hurt. I see her every day usually including the weekends.\n\nI can't go on like this because whilst I feel great being around her and just seeing her makes me happy. It hurts so much when I hear about her being with other guys and I get a little jealous just seeing her talking to guys. Sometimes this ruins an entire day. \n\nShe probably doesn't have feelings for me and I'm not sure of what kind of outcome I want. The best would probably be for my feelings to die, but she's quite amazing and I don't get these kind of feelings often.\n\nRight now I'm thinking about telling her or potentially ask a friend for advice, but both of those are quite terrifying to me.", "answer": "Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate and is mature, you'll stay best friends.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "67jsv6", "comment_id": "67jsv6"}, {"question": "Social workers and other professionals in recovery? How can I avoid clients in AA and still recover?", "description": "Longtime lurker, but I haven't been able to find adequate answers on this issue. I have been in and out of recovery for over a year (including AA and lots of reading of this sub) and am recently back on the wagon after many months' drinking. I am living in a new area, which is smaller than where I used to live. I work in child welfare. \n\nI am hoping someone here has experience as a social worker, mental health provider, etc. who can shed some light on the potential conflict of being part of a recovery community while serving clients who may be court-ordered or otherwise involved in AA. \n\nI am worried about running into clients/future clients in a meeting, and even though I get the \"anonymity\" thing, it's not like I can take back their knowledge of me being an alcoholic. Since I am only 3 weeks sober right now, I can't pretend to hold the status of a \"recovered\" alcoholic or spin it as a professional advantage in any way. It would damage my rapport with that client and could be a huge risk to my job/reputation at work. \n\nI would have to travel well over an hour to hit a meeting outside where potential clients live, but I did find AA helpful in the past. Any suggestions or similar experiences? \n\nAlso, thank all of you who contribute here. I can't express how much it has helped silent lurkers like me. \n", "answer": "Studying to become a substance abuse counselor now and I had some issues with the the line of work I was going into and how it would work with the traditions. Not the same I know, but I learned a few things close to what you're talking about.\n\nFirst of all, I'd like to mention that the those in helping professions who were most effective with me were the ones in recovery. The ones who I could relate with on the same level as those I can relate to in AA. So I don't think it's particularly harmful to your rapport with your clients. Maybe in early sobriety it's something that could hinder, but the way I look at it is if you don't stay sober it will likely be worthless anyway.\n\nAnother thing I know is there are very strict rules on interaction with clients outside of the treatment setting. I'd read up on those to make sure what you can and cannot do in regards to confidentiality. The two years and two months rule applies in the states that I live in. That rule being you cannot maintain anything more than a professional relationship with a client until two years and two months after their last date in treatment. This means you can't sponsor any clients inside of two years and two months from their last day in your care. I know there is also a rule that pertains to this in regards to contact with clients. From my understanding, you as the caregiver cannot initiate contact with a client outside of a professional setting. If they approach you then a conversation is allowed though.\n\nThat's what I understand of some very basic confidentiality laws in regards to contact with a client outside of the workplace. I also could be wrong on some of the specifics, but that's what I got out of conversations with friends who work in treatment centers and what not. Also things vary from state to state so I'd encourage you to talk to someone who supervises you and get a better understanding.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1tf5rp", "comment_id": "1tf5rp"}, {"question": "Need advice please", "description": "I'm (19f) and I have a relationship I've been with him for a year and half he is 22 and like 3 months into the relationship i found that his guy friend would send him nudes of other girls and he apologize and then later we broke up and we got together right away and 2 weeks later he would still tell his friend we weren't together then that same day I found that he asked his guy friend \" who is that girl with the big booty\" and I got mad ! I don't trust him and now it's been almost a 8 months since that happen and he started being different towards me doesn't want to see me as often doesn't tell me what he is doing and says he doesn't have to tell me everything he does and he would never shave down there and now all of a sudden he starts . \n\nI need advice please , am I overreacting or he is up to something ", "answer": "he's not ready for a serious relationship", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5majgf", "comment_id": "5majgf"}, {"question": "Help! A relative of mine believes he's God", "description": "He started behaving very strangely yesterday. Quoting holy text, then berating family members for not being religious enough. He claims that God is inside him and at the same time he's a slave of God. Claims such as everyone being hypocrites except his wife's Grandmother followed...among everything else.\n\nHe further believes he's on a mission of global peace and today he said he knew how to defeat the Antichrist. We're taking him to a doctor today, but I'd like to know if any of you ladies/gentlemen have seen cases like this before. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!\n\nEdit: Just wanted to point out that he doesn't exhibit any violent tendencies except raising his voice occasionally at people who disagree with his views. He also has sleep issues (sleeps from 10 pm to 1 am) and then starts praying and doesn't sleep for the rest of the day. He's been preaching at work too so his boss put him on a leave of absence.", "answer": "Sometimes people who believe they are God or have the spirit of God can take more risks than they normally would.  For instance I know a case where someone believed they were God and could fly, so they jumped off of a 1 story roof.  They are fine, but the point is if there is a delusion of thinking they can not or will not die if they engage in dangerous behaviors, they may be more likely to do so.   Based on what you described I feel that at this time he is not in danger of engaging in risk taking behavior but, it is something to be aware of.  \n\nEdit: don't ask if they feel like they are invincible, wait till it comes up if at all.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "2scp9q", "comment_id": "2scp9q"}, {"question": "Is the relationship dying", "description": "Let start by saying we sold the engagement ring \nWe've built in plan in case we do break up. I don't feel like in find her as attractive n mostly annoyed when doing things with her. We often argue over little n big things including money she spends her time watching TV i spend mine playing games in my den \n\nIt feels over like were both just waiting on the other to pull the trigger\n", "answer": "Couples therapy or break up. Stop wallowing. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "69c8o3", "comment_id": "69c8o3"}, {"question": "Fianc\u00e9 says he is committed BUT.....", "description": "My fianc\u00e9 and I have had some very bad fights and turmoil. We have been together 3 years. \n\nI have felt he has been non committal to a date.  And it's been bothering me. I went to a therapist. He won't go. \n\nShe encourages me to record phone call fights so she can hear some of what I go through. He often says things like he is scared of my constant request for a date because it makes him think I'm after money. \n\nHe has virtually none. It's ridiculous. And I have a great job. \n\nI asked him today if he was committed forever with me....he says yes... BUT. And said there is a BUT... he wants to see more stability with me and a smile more on my face ...\n\nSo I told him my therapist mentioned that he should not be scared just over setting a date. Since we live together. \n\nHe blew up and said boy if I could have 30 min with her she would hear a whole different side of me and she would not say that. \n\nHe said you just don't realize it's a miracle we are still together and have sex and travel ok.  \n\nHe said you just don't like truth. You like to live in a non reality world. \n\nThen he said btw my parents have noticed you don't look happy. And they worry that there is something going on with you. He says you can't fake it well at all. Your number is called. \n\nHe told me this while walking in a mall. And he eventually got upset because he saw I was tearing up. \n\nHe said see this is the issue. Not able to communicate with you. You don't like reality. And you don't want to hear what people think.  Do you?\n\nSoooo. Am I just sensitive?  Should I respect this?  I feel very sad. And I can't look happy as he asks. \n\n\n\n", "answer": "Hard to imagine why you would want to marry someone like this.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70inmf", "comment_id": "70inmf"}, {"question": "HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN", "description": "**This is not my original post, it was written by** ***Nikhin*** **on 28th August 2018, on nosurf.org which has been deleted in last 2-3 month period. I have pulled all this from the web.archive.org (The wayback Machine). I am posting this because i was looking for these resources and i couldn't find them in this Sub.** **All the below experiences are his, not mine. Hope it helps you.**\n\n# HOW THE INTERNET CHANGES YOUR BRAIN\n\nWhen I was younger, I could sit and read for hours. I still remember getting *Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix* and reading the 800 or so pages in one sitting.\n\nFast forward a few years to my freshman year of college and this ability was completely gone. I remember struggling to get through just 30 pages of reading that I had to do for my sociology class. My mind would be swimming by the time I got to the end of a page and after finishing a paragraph, it seemed like I had already forgotten what I had just read.\n\nWhat was happening?\n\nAt first I thought that the college material I was trying to get through was just a lot harder than what I read as a kid. But that wasn\u2019t it. That winter break I picked up the same tattered copy of *Harry Potter* I had read so many years ago.\n\nI could barely read it for half an hour without my brain feeling like it hit a wall.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t just my ability to read either. Other things had changed too. As a kid I was a great student. I was always reading books and learning new things. I had a fascination for the world around me and I loved to build things with my hands.\n\nAs I had gotten older I had slowly started spending more time on the internet and my old interests started to fade. It started with AOL instant messenger. Then playing video games with my friends. Finally to the point where I was just surfing Facebook and random websites in college.\n\nI never made any connections with my internet use and the other changes I had experienced. Until one day it finally clicked. My best friend from college gave me a copy of *The Shallows* by Nicholas Carr. With each page I turned came the dawning realization. The world around me was still the same. It was *my brain* that had changed\u2026\n\nI knew that it wasn\u2019t just me either, I saw the effects in everyone else around me. I would go around giving my copy of *The Shallows* to everyone I knew. Then I realized the irony of the situation. For my friends to know why they couldn\u2019t read books anymore\u2026they had to read a book, which they didn\u2019t have the attention span to actually do.\n\nI decided that I would type up a short summary of what I learned so that people could understand the basics. Then once they had learned enough to reset their attention spans, they could read the books on their own time. So enough chit chat. Let\u2019s dive in.\n\n# Part 1: Neuroplasticity\n\nScientists used to think that our brains were fixed and unchangeable. They thought that brain development was like pouring concrete into a mold. Once it solidified, it was set like that for the rest of your life.\n\nNow we know that the brain can change. This concept is called *neuroplasticity*.\n\n>*Neuroplasticity:the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction.*\n\n*via the Encylopedia Brittanica*\n\nFor NoSurf, we can simplify and adapt neuroplasticity into:\n\n*Our brains will physically change and adapt to the habits we perform every single day. As a result our cognitive abilities, personality traits, and emotional states can all change depending on our habits.*\n\nThis concept of neuroplasticity should be exciting to you. It means that if you\u2019re currently someone who can\u2019t focus, procrastinates, or doesn\u2019t feel that smart in general, it doesn\u2019t mean that your stuck this way forever. Your brain can improve and get better!\n\nBut before it can do that, you have to cut out the bad habits that are causing these issues. The bad habits like social media, gaming, news, and pornography.\n\nIf you\u2019ve been doing those things for a while, you might\u2019ve the following changes:\n\n1. A reduced ability to focus and pay attention to things\n2. Increased boredom or procrastination leading to mindless surfing\n3. A reduced ability to feel motivated and excited for non internet based activities\n\nThese changes are simply the result of repeated interactions with the internet.\n\n# So How Does The Internet Change Our Brains?\n\n>*The Net delivers precisely the kind of sensory and cognitive stimuli \u2013 repetitive, intensive, \u201cinteractive, addictive \u2013 that have been shown to result in strong and rapid alterations in brain circuits and functions. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*  \n>  \n>*We can assume that the neural circuits devoted to scanning, skimming and multitasking are expanding and strengthening, while those used for reading and thinking deeply, with sustained concentration, are weakening or eroding. \u2013 Nicholas Carr, The Shallows*\n\nWhen we browse social media or similar sites we get continuously bombarded with memes, clickbait, and gaudy advertising. Our brains become molded to information that arrives in 140 character tweets, 10 second snap stories, and instagram posts.\n\nWe start to form neural pathways that allow us to multitask, jump quickly from one piece of information to the next, and skim through lots of material without really retaining any of it.\n\nThese adaptations come at a cost. While these new pathways for internet use develop and strengthen, old ones start to fade. We become scatterbrained, frenzied, and continuously distracted. The parts of our mind responsible for deep focus and sustained attention atrophy and weaken.\n\nKey takeaway:\n\nOur minds melt and we turn into screen zombies starved for dopamine.\n\n# Part 2: Dopamine\n\nDopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel motivated to do things. Dopamine is what gets us off the couch to study for our final exams. It\u2019s also what makes us pull out our phones to check Instagram.\n\nDopamine is the driver behind the pursuit of *all* rewards. These rewards can be positive ones:\n\n* pursuing our college degree\n* training for a marathon\n* asking someone out on a date\n\nbut they can also be negative ones:\n\n* eating junk food\n* surfing social media\n* playing hours of video games\n\nFor most of history the things that released dopamine were *physical and tangible*. With the internet, we\u2019ve found that just pixels on a screen are enough to light up our hunter gatherer brains and deliver hit after hit of dopamine.\n\nBecause our philosophy on internet use is pragmatic, our suggestions are to focus on avoiding the most serious offenders first. The platforms on the internet that cause the most dopamine release are below. You can think of these as the mental equivalent of eating KFC, McDonalds, and Taco Bell everyday.\n\nSocial media platforms like:\n\n* Snapchat\n* Twitter\n* Instagram\n* Facebook\n\nVideo games (some games are much worse than others):\n\n* World of Warcraft\n* Hearthstone\n* League of Legends\n* Overwatch\n\nOthers:\n\n* YouTube\n* Clickbait sites\n* Pornography\n* GIFS/Memes sites\n\n## Dopamine Desensitization And Stimulation Threshold\n\nNote: *This is a theory I formulated from reading a few books in this area, most notably Irresistible by Adam Alter.*\n\nEating processed food everyday leads to obesity. What would happen if you consumed social media, video games, porn and other crap everyday? Is there a mental equivalent of obesity? Yes it leads to something called *dopamine desensitization*.\n\nWhen our brains feel the effects of dopamine over and over again, they become desensitized to its effects. This means that overtime we will need more and more dopamine to get the same effects (motivation, excitement, passion, drive) as we once did. This makes it harder and harder for us to pursue the more difficult and positive rewards of life rather than the default to what\u2019s easiest and makes us feel good in the short term.\n\nThis is because when we become desensitized to dopamine our *stimulation threshold* for performing activities increases higher and higher.\n\n>*Stimulation threshold:How stimulating (in terms of dopamine release) an activity has to be for you to find it enjoyable.*\n\nIf your stimulation threshold is high, it means that other activities in your life will start to pale in comparison to the internet. These activities don\u2019t release as much dopamine and can\u2019t compete in terms of stimulation. So no matter how hard you try you\u2019ll feel a lack of interest, procrastination, or low motivation to start things.\n\nThe way to make real life exciting and interesting again, is to reduce the constant flood of dopamine to your brain. Once this happens, your brain starts to rewire, literally growing new dopamine receptors. Overtime your stimulation threshold will reset back down to healthy and normal levels. Afterwards you will be able to read a book for hours, sit silently in meditation, and feel motivated for your academic and professional work again.\n\n# Conclusion\n\nI wrote this post so that I could share some of what I learned with members of our community. The point isn\u2019t to fear monger or suggest that we become luddites. It\u2019s to raise awareness of a widespread issue in society and empower people to make their own decisions of what to do. I do hope that reading it has inspired you to change, to some degree, the way that you use the internet. If the material interests you, I highly suggest going further and reading Nicholas Carr\u2019s book. I hope that it will change your life, the way it has changed mine.", "answer": "Thank you! This is amazing. Does anyone have all the info from [nosurf.org](https://nosurf.org) compiled? And/or is all of it able to be found on the sub?", "topic": "nosurf", "post_id": "dlknc1", "comment_id": "dlknc1"}, {"question": "I'm losing myself", "description": "I've really been struggling with my bpd lately. I just feel like I'm losing myself, forgetting who I am. I'm grouchy all the time because I can't express my feelings. I'm distant because I'm scared of rejection. I hate who I'm becoming but I can't stop it. The only one who knows about my BPD is my husband and he doesn't understand it. I can't afford therapy or to see a doctor. I'm scared. I'm alone. And I hate myself.", "answer": "There are some.lovely videos for bpd and perspectives on YouTube that your partner might find helpful to understand", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "2k14by", "comment_id": "2k14by"}, {"question": "Acquired alcohol intolerance?", "description": "I am 21 and I have been drinking since I was 17. I usually drink a couple of beers once a week or get slightly drunk at parties (once every one or two months). Never had any problems until two weeks ago. I only drank a glass of rum+cola and, although I was feeling perfectly fine, when I came back home like 3-4 hours later I had to vomit (it was rather violent and very unpleasant). Then again the same thing happened to me yesterday but I only had 40 cl of beer. I know the beer was of good quality because I drank straight from the bottle. I was also feeling perfectly normal, until maybe 4-5 hours later when I was already asleep and was awaken by the necessity to vomit (it was also violent and for half an hour it made me feel really sick).\n\nWhat are your thoughts on this one? I will most probably go to the doctor but just wanted to know how common (or weird) this might be. Thank you!", "answer": "Not uncommon - admittedly I can't remember why it happens. Your doctor will probably say you should simply avoid alcohol for a bit and let your body recover.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5310uo", "comment_id": "5310uo"}, {"question": "Askadentist is dead, so I\u2019ll have to ask here: can a wisdom tooth coming in sideways cause unbearable headaches?", "description": "22, female, living in WA state.\n\nThe tooth is my lower right wisdom tooth.\n\nI\u2019ve been waiting 2 months to get this tooth out,so long that I\u2019ve had to renew my insurance while I was waiting. The tooth puts me in constant pain, but now that the swelling is down, the pain has migrated from a hurt tooth to a long series of headaches from the top of my right temple down into my jaw bone.\n\nIs this normal, or am I being a hypochondriac?", "answer": "Try r/dentistry.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "cfppy1", "comment_id": "cfppy1"}, {"question": "Help. Me [41] and Wife [38] just decided to call it quits.", "description": "As per the title really. Feeling blue, dejected and worthless. What's next?", "answer": "surround yourself with people that love you", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5so8ic", "comment_id": "5so8ic"}, {"question": "Interested in a friend, need help", "description": "My friend(f17) just broke up with her boyfriend(m17) i(m17) am interested in her. How should I make this clear, and how long should I wait to do so?", "answer": "just be direct about your feelings", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mb1qh", "comment_id": "5mb1qh"}, {"question": "Suicidal & unemployed sibling refuses to get therapy", "description": "\\*\\*TL:DR provided at the bottom.\\*\\*\n\nHere's a bit of a backstory on my family ties and relationships. Me(28F) and my sibling, Z (23F) were both raised with very strained encouragement and praise. Almost little to no encouragement, actually. Strict Chinese parents. We were not given the chance to try new things and were often chastised for small mistakes since young, be it recreational or academical. I personally have realised how that have deterred\u00a0both me and Z from ever trying new things and worst still, improving on ourselves as a person. It destroyed us.  \n\n\n  \nMy mom(56F) and my other sibling, B(24F), has tried helping Z.  \n\n\n  \nB\u00a0took the time to look up on part-time jobs in the area that may be fun and not too stressful for her. B\u00a0found jobs at a pizza place, boba tea shop, and a graphic design printing store. Z immediately refused all, and mentioned that she does not want a job that required talking to people or meeting people. (Z used to do part-time drawing online for art buyers. She needed to talk to people but she had the choice to ignore or reply them whenever she wanted. She also didn\u2019t need to\u00a0see them face-to-face due to her working remotely. This can be a good and bad thing. Because Z started ghosting a lot of her clients and have not finished any work for them. Me and B\u00a0managed to step in and help to pay back a client who\u2019s payment she has already received but never finished the art for. This one took a very long time for us to convince her, because she refused to accept help.)  \n\n\n  \nMe, mom and B, would worry about her\u00a0and what she'd do with her life if we're not there to support her financially and emotionally. My mom isn't getting any younger\u00a0and she\u2019s paying for almost all of Z\u2019s expenses. If and when mom\u00a0kicks the bucket, B\u00a0may very well move out to marry her boyfriend one day, and I may move to another state because my work is dependent on it. We've asked Z what she'd do then. Z said she'd just commit suicide because it's easier on everybody. She didn't want to burden us with the job of taking care of her.  \n\n\n​\n\nI'm managing a little better than Z, I still struggle with finishing personal projects. I can finish professional work (because I was raised to follow up with homework strictly). So you can see how I can finish work for someone else, but any project/hobbies of my own, it'll just wither away, because I have such a low view of myself and I don't have that encouragement to work on self-based projects. I have days where I can't get up because I am upset with myself too. I have depression from thoughts of being a failure. Z has this same feeling 10 times over. How do I help her?  \n\n\nB, me and mom have always shielded her and protected her. We'd pay for her food when she couldn't. We'd treat her very often, because we love her and feel sorry for her.  \n\n\n​\n\nI understand that this is just reddit, so I am fully aware that asking for advice here is nothing compared to seeking a real therapist. But that's exactly why I am here. It's because Z has already adamantly refused to see a therapist despite me, B\u00a0and our mother offering to pay for said therapy. What do I do with her? :(  \n\n\n  \n\n\n**TL:DR : My sibling, Z (23F) , is facing a crippling blend of hopelessness/Quarterly-life crisis/ eternal burnout. She\u00a0doesn't have the will to work, have hobbies, or try new things. She is unemployed, not in education or training. She stays at home indefinitely. Running the house, paying for food, taking care of the dogs, paying for house bills and dog food is burdening my family, and it\u2019s harder when Z isn\u2019t chipping in financially. My mom pays for most of her food and everything else. If everyone one day has to go their own way in life and not live together as a family anymore, Z decides that she'd commit suicide as she can't support herself financially. (Not a threat as she is aware that everyone grows up and will have their own family) Me, my other sibling, B(24F) and our mom have offered to pay for her therapy to help with\u00a0her\u00a0depression and everything\u00a0else, but Z has refused. How do I help her?**", "answer": "The best way to get someone into therapy who doesn't want to get into therapy is getting into therapy yourself and openly talking about how it's really helping you.  \n\nA lot of people think therapy is just for crazy people and if you tell them you want them to go, they will immediately be defensive.  If you put therapy up there as something that's incredible and really helping you, it's very possible their instinct might be like \"Hey!  You don't even need therapy as much as I do!  I want my own therapy!\"\n\n\nLastly, if you and your siblings trying so hard to do everything for Z and help her hasn't given you any results, I'd suggest maybe trying the opposite for a while.  Back off, don't spend so much energy helping her.  Focus more time on helping yourself.  Just like with the therapist thing, Z may see you doing more work to focus on yourself and copy this.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "f1obng", "comment_id": "f1obng"}, {"question": "My gf is being distant after an argument.", "description": "So, I have a gf I have been seeing for about a year now. We fight occasionally but whenever that happens, it is usually over something small and get over it. However, whenever this happens she shuts down and me and stops texting, calling or seeing me. When I do see her it seems to be very short responses and she won't even look at me or talk to me about what the problem is. So in short, this happened again last week and I am going through the same thing, although this time she won't say a word. I am not sure what to do about this whole situation as it sucks to be ignored and not be able to communicate or talk things through. Advice?", "answer": "she's immature and needs to improve her communication skills", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6av9nq", "comment_id": "6av9nq"}, {"question": "Am I insane if I actually enjoyed being hospitalized for mental health issues?", "description": "Most people who have been hospitalized for mental health issues talk as if it was the worst thing in the world and as if they never wanna go back there again. And to an extent, I can see why most people would think that. But to me personally...it wasn't even that bad. And it was actually the place where I felt most at home and that changed me for the better.\n\nI've been depressed since I was 3 years old, and it began to get really bad in my middle school years when I was about 13 or so, and I tried to commit suicide several times when I was 17 and 18 (I'm still 18 now), till one day my therapist baker acted me (Florida) for about a month, because I told her really in-depth stories of my suicide attempts.\n\nAnd while I was hospitalized...I'm not gonna say it was necessarily the best thing in the world, because it was very monotonous. Basically, you had three meals throughout the day, three snacks between the meals, two hygiene times a day, two times a day where you took meds, two times a day where they let you out on the patio, and the TV was on except for during the meals and snacks, and when they made you go to bed at 10PM.\n\nBut it was the first time in my life where people actually took me and my problems seriously, and where I found people I could relate to. Most of the people in there weren't even that crazy. They were mostly like me. Relatively normal people for the most part, but with emotional problems, trauma, or tragic pasts. Then you had some bipolar and schizophrenic people...who though were a bit strange to the eye at first, some of them were pretty cool once you looked past their disorder. And then you had people who...couldn't talk and only babble, and would shit themselves and smear shit on the walls. But those were the minority of people there. And they were punished any time they were mischievous with the shit and stuff.\n\nAnd during my time there...I learned to appreciate the more simple things in life. All this time being materialistic and being obsessed with technology and shit made me forget the joys of the simplicity of eating a meal. I learned to truly enjoy the flavors of even simple food. I learned how important human relations and interactions are. I learned how important it is to widen your horizons. I learned to not be so quick to judge people. I learned the joys of getting good sleep.\n\nHowever, almost everyone else who has been hospitalized has only negative things to say about it...so if everyone else sees something as so bad, and only I see it as good, am I sane at all?", "answer": "If it was helpful for you, why wouldn't you enjoy it and think well of it? For the record, I asked a friend who was psychiatrically hospitalized who said that, while it wasn't a fun experience and she wouldn't want to repeat it, it was a good experience for her. There's a purpose for these things, after all.\n\nLike anything you read, consider who is likely to be the loudest voice. People who are angry about their experiences may be the most likely to voice their feelings publicly. Many people instead would just rather not talk about it, particularly if they're worried about the stigma of mental health.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "enbff3", "comment_id": "enbff3"}, {"question": "Would 50 year old antibiotics still be effective?", "description": "This is for a piece of writing, not actually considering taking 50 year old medication. I just need to know if this would be feasible for a character in a story with no better option.", "answer": "Drugs do have expiry dates. Even if they were kept in pristine condition, it is likely that they would be minimally effective, to the best of my knowledge.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "57kvea", "comment_id": "57kvea"}, {"question": "how will the legalization of cannabis effect phychiatry", "description": "i think there will be a lot of lost profits for the drug companies", "answer": "Im a therapist. For those of us who realize its not a problem. Nothing. For those who take insurance and need to make a diagnosis to get paid...welcome to Cannabis Use Disorder...thats why i dont take insurance. For big pharma look out for new drugs to treat the \"disorder\" or older drugs being repurposed for it.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7krgpa", "comment_id": "7krgpa"}, {"question": "Trying to explain your depression to someone who doesn't understand is one of the hardest, most painful things to deal with.", "description": "When you say you don't think I try to deal with my depression by trying to lighten the mood only makes me feel more worthless. If I wasn't trying, I would have been dead long ago. \n\nI know you believe in tough love through learning hard life lessons, but I would appreciate some sympathy every once in a while. \nPlease. I really do love you. ", "answer": "As painful as it is, it is preferable to isolation and extinction.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "5ubv9f", "comment_id": "5ubv9f"}, {"question": "Pretty psychotic but self aware... but also still believe my delusion.", "description": "I\u2019m coping alright sans meds. I have a strong support system. I\u2019m alright. It\u2019s just really crazy how I hear my thoughts and realize how fucking out there they are to be real, yet at the same time I still strongly believe this delusion I\u2019ve created in my head. ", "answer": "Just watch your thoughts as they pass by.  Put the transmission in neutral.  Let the engine rev.  It's a movie you can't escape, but you can realize you are watching a movie. \n\nEdit:  there are more than one modes of consciousness.  One is intellectual and uses language.  Another is all about feeling and sensation.  These operate in parallel but it is a mistake to  think of them as essentially synchronized.  The rational part of you understands the crazy.  The emotional part of you doesn't.  It's OK.  Just try to help the emotional part feel safe.  ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "7rek93", "comment_id": "7rek93"}, {"question": "Can someone please explain how a psychiatrist who specifically prescribes a drug receives financial kickbacks?", "description": "Does the psychiatrist who initially prescribed someone the drug initially receive revenue if any? Does the revenue get split up or changed if you switch doctors?\n\nThis question was inspired by [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/comments/bl18rf/mh_workers_lying_to_patients/) post about mental health workers lying to patients by trying to obfuscate the effects of dirty drugs which have permanent side effects. \n\nThe question is why would a psychiatrist go as far as obfuscate and lie about the effects of a dirty drug if they weren't getting some form of revenue?  \n\nThank you for any answers.", "answer": "doctors don't make money based on what they prescribe. Most respective physicians have taken vows or work in medical centers that prohibit them from accepting money from them.\n\n​\n\nif your doctor is getting Pharma money----you might want to re-evalute who you are seeing.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "bm0pwf", "comment_id": "bm0pwf"}, {"question": "How to deal with a parent that gets angry about anxiety?", "description": "My father is a pretty angry dude. Short tempered, and when he does get angry, he is ENGRAGED. I'm talking screaming, insults, etc. Yesterday was a really bad day for my anxiety. We were set to go somewhere in about an hour and I started crying as a result of a panic attack. I truly was terrified in the moment. He came in, told me to \"shut the f* up, grow up, and get over it\" and told me that \"it's always the same shit and it's ridiculous\". I'm 18 so this obviously stings coming from my dad. Aside from having pretty severe anxiety, I otherwise do what I'm told, don't break any rules, don't drink/smoke, etc. When we arrived at said event (something I was dreading) I tried doing something I had to do but was afraid of once, succeeded, and then was told I had to do it again because it didn't develop correctly. Full blown panic, and I couldn't do it. My dad came storming into the room (with 5 people/doctors/assistants) and told me that if I didn't do it he was done with me. He snatched my phone out of my hand (with which I was using music to calm myself) in front of everybody. I was embarrassed enough already.\n\nI couldn't do it so we left and in the elevator he told me not to talk to him anymore, and that he was stripping me of all of my privileges and was no longer going to take me to my college orientation weekend next week. Instead of fighting him back I just listened, and in the car on the way home I gave him a sincere apology twice to which the first he said \"Shut up and stop talking\" and to the second no response. I just went to my room and didn't talk to him for the rest of the day.\n\n\nHe snapped at me again this morning, telling me once again to shut up and it's always the same shit.\n\n\nHis reaction to my anxiety makes me even more anxious as I then worry about getting noticeably anxious and getting him angry. When I tell my mom she just sides with him and tells me \"Everyone's entitled to react how they want and I'm responsible for whether or not I let it affect me\". My mom and dad both came from abusive fathers and my mom always reminds me \"well we used to get beat so at least he's not beating you\". As if that justifies anything. Oh. \n\nI normally have a very good relationship with my dad when he's not angry with me, he does a lot for me but I just can't take this temper anymore. It makes me feel like absolute shit and like I'm a fuck up or that something's wrong with me and my parents don't want me around.\n\n\nAny advice?", "answer": "First off, nothing is wrong with you. You are not a fuck-up. I am so sorry that your parents have treated you so callously and aren't giving you the support and understanding you need and deserve. \n\nI am not much older than you (22), but in my perspective, you should not have to stand for those hurtful comments from your parents (your dad in particular). While it was very gracious of you to reach out to your dad with an apology and try to make amends when it certainly should have been him, I encourage you to stop apologizing for having anxiety. The next time something like this happens and you get an angry response from him, tell him \"I am struggling with anxiety right now and this is how I need to cope with it. If you aren't going to say something supportive, I ask you leave me alone until it passes.\" (Or something to that effect). If he doesn't respect that, when the panic attack subsides, you are going to need to have a chat with him - and potentially also with your mom - to let him know he cannot continue to speak to you like that and belittle you. You have ALWAYS been deserving of respect, but now, as an adult, you've got the maturity to demand it. Let him know that continued hurtful comments will result in you needing to change your relationship boundaries with him so he is less involved in your life. When you are wrestling with a beast like anxiety (I have been for most of my life), you need the people closest to you to be supportive and patient.\n\nI'm not sure how much sense that made, but I hope it may be of some help to you! I'm here cheering you on!", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6huc47", "comment_id": "6huc47"}, {"question": "Anyone else think their bpd is a consequence of emotional neglect during childhood/adolescence from parents", "description": "My psychologist told me \u201cbpd tends to occur when someone\u2019s needs wherent met during childhood\u201d and I\u2019ve been thinking about it a lot \nWhen I was a child and adolescent my parents rly invalidated my feelings bc \u201cI was so lucky and I should be grateful\u201d even tho I was going thru heavy emotional shit bc of bpd and my bipolar 2\nI\u2019m rly conflicted abt my parents now bc I love them but that shit was so damaging and just made me feel intensely guilty ", "answer": "It's CPTSD then. Try Pete Walker's book", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9r6uwm", "comment_id": "9r6uwm"}, {"question": "Watermelon on a clear liquid diet?", "description": "\\- 31\n\n\\- 5'6 / 160\n\n\\- Female\n\n\\- Estrogens\n\n\\- Not smoker\n\n\\- None\n\n\\- None\n\n\\- No photo.\n\nWhen on a clear liquid diet, I know you aren't supposed to have thick things like milky products and bread.... however, I know having fruit\\-based items without pulp is okay.\n\nWatermelon I see as being somewhat different, since it practically breaks itself down and is mostly water anyways. Would eating watermelon qualify as being pro\\-clear liquid or no?", "answer": "Why are you on a clear liquid diet?\n\nIn general, the answer is no. The name is clear: you should have only liquids that are clear. Watermelon is neither.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8mrh12", "comment_id": "8mrh12"}, {"question": "How I learned to (Sort Of) Love Small Talk (or at least get better at it)", "description": "\u201cSmall talk sucks. I only like deep conversations.\u201d\n\nWell yeah, everyone likes deep conversations. That\u2019s not special.\n\nI don\u2019t see anyone who would trade one \u201cdrunken reminiscing at 2am at Waffle House with a friend of ten years\u201d for twenty \u201chey how about this weather? *Hot enough for ya?*\u201d while waiting for the damn elevator to come.\n\nYou don\u2019t have to love small talk (it\u2019s not my favorite) but listen;\n\n**The better you are at small talk, the more you\u2019ll get to have the deep conversations that you crave.**\n\nSimple as that.\n\n\\---\n\nAs previously mentioned, young-whippersnapper-me was an [arrogant, awkward d bag](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/9pwkg6/how_i_started_to_find_other_people_more/) (what a winning combo!). At my first \u201cbig boy\u201d job out of school, I refused to even say \u201cgood morning\u201d to my coworkers because \u201csmall talk was a big bucket of bullshit. I\u2019m being paid to work not chat\u201d. Every morning I\u2019d usually shrug a response or try to get to my desk through the side door to minimize human contact.\n\nFor some reason, I always felt alone most places I went.\n\nHmm.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t until I was midway through my \u201cmeet-100-people-in-a-month\u201d experiment I called the Hundo Month that I finally got it: \n\nThe purpose of small talk is to open the door to starting a relationship.\n\nYeah, I know this seems obvious to you naturals out there, but to me this was a **FUCKING HUGE LIFE CHANGING REVELATION**. Even bigger then when I realized the importance of patting a steak dry before a sear (and that\u2019s a BIG revelation!)\n\nSmall talk is dumb. Weather is dumb, sports are dumb, TV, movies, and music are all dumb. News is dumb. Dumb is dumb. Everything is dumb\\* (according to my highly paid research assistants).\n\nBut that\u2019s not the point.\n\nThe value of small talk is in the *context,* not the *content.* Insisting your small talk has to be brilliant and exciting like it always is in The Movies\u2122 actually makes your small talk *worse* because you\u2019re in your head trying to be maximum-clever instead of in the moment reacting to the person in front of you. \n\nThe purpose of small talk is to \n\n   \\- convey your openness to and interest in someone new\n\n   \\- invite the other person to start talking in a low-risk way\n\n   \\- lay the groundwork for more conversation if things go well\n\n   \\- give a small sampling of who you are, and most of all, \n\n   \\- **reduce fear**.\n\nInteracting with other people is scary. Downright *Spooktacular* if you will. \n\n**A large amount of improving social skills is about reducing uncertainty and fear in** ***others*****.**\n\nSmall talk is a simple ritual to let people you interact with know \u201cHey I acknowledge that you exist and I will probably not stab you (probably). Or at least not soon.\u201d \n\nThat counts for a lot.\n\n\\---\n\nBut back to \u201cSmall talk sucks. I only like deep conversations\u201d? As we established earlier, everything is dumb and boring. (See above).\n\nThink of it this way, small talk is the foreplay to deep connection\u2019s **fuckin**\u2019.\n\nThe Deep Emotional Conversations\u2122 that matter in our lives come from a place of both *openness* and *vulnerability*. Talking about what really matters in your life to someone else means you might get rejected, made fun of, hurt, or have you waste time pouring your soul out to someone who doesn\u2019t \u201cget\u201d it. \n\n**Demanding a deep emotional conversation from the start of a relationship is the emotional equivalent of \u201cNice shoes, wanna fuck?\u201d and then calling everyone an asshole/bitch when they don\u2019t wanna fuck.**\n\n\\---\n\nBut hey, I\u2019ll be real. \n\nAs much as getting better at small talk has *seriously* improved my quality of social life, sometimes I just can\u2019t fucking be assed to do it. Whether I\u2019m busy, people\u2019d out, on 3 hours of sleep, or whatever, I\u2019m just not going to be bother. I love people, but as an introvert I still need to recharge my social batteries.\n\nAnd that\u2019s fine!\n\nIt\u2019s ok to opt out *sometimes* when you\u2019re not feeling it, but opting out of small talk completely leaves you at a **massive** disadvantage for finding your new best friend and enjoying life. If you\u2019re trying to build a new social circle, it\u2019s worth pushing through when you\u2019re not in the mood because **that\u2019s how you start friendship.** Plus, the more you practice the easier it\u2019ll get. \n\nAm I a grand-champion, double-master, ultra-guru whatever at making small talk?\n\n**Hell no.**\n\nBut I\u2019m better than I was last year. And the year before. And *definitely* better than 2010 (*hoo boy, that was the year of saying things that keep me awake at night from painfully awkward they were, damn.)*\n\nAll I know for sure is that **holy goat-balls, getting better at small talk makes your life easier, fun, and friendlier.** \n\nPlus, one completely unexpected side effect of improving my small talk is that I can handle WAY MORE socialization before needing to recharge my social batteries.\n\nNeat!\n\n\\---\n\nThere\u2019s no need to beat yourself up if you\u2019re not perfect at small talk right out the gate. It might be natural for some people, but sure as hell wasn\u2019t for me. I had to fail a *whole* shit ton before I started figuring things out because I didn\u2019t really have any role models to learn from.\n\nAnd that\u2019s fine!\n\nBuilding social skills is a process.\n\nAll that matters is that you\u2019re better than you were last year.\n\nThat\u2019s it.\n\nThe next time you\u2019ve got an opportunity for small talk that you\u2019d usually avoid, give it a full-hearted try. It might not be perfect, but the more practice you put in, the easier it\u2019ll be to build your social circle.", "answer": "The primatologist Franz de Waal said that Chimps reduce aggression by engaging in mutual flea picking/grooming and Bonobos reduce aggression by engaging in sex. He observed that humans reduce aggression through small talk. If you refuse to engage in small talk you are experienced as domineering and bordering on aggressive. Engaging in small talk gradually allows people to feel closer and safer with one another. It\u2019s the key to popularity.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9tutjl", "comment_id": "9tutjl"}, {"question": "I need some advice.. or an opinion. I feel stupid even asking..", "description": "I've been dating a guy for 4 months. It was going extremely well, we spoke all day every day over text and saw slept over at least twice a week. Last time I saw him, everything was great. Holding hands, being affectionate in public. Then 3 days later out of nowhere I get \"Im not ready to be serious, I think we should stop seeing each other\" followed by the \"oh I think you're amazing but im just not ready\". Obviously this sent me into a panic, was it me? Was I not pretty enough for him? Did I do or didnt do something?  Anyway...fast forward a week of crying and feeling down, I woke up to a text from him \"Dreamt about you, hope you're well\". What am I supposed to do with that? Im beyond confused, is he just genuinely letting me know or could it be something more? I'm pretty clouded with judgement as all I want to do is be back with him and I am trying not to read too much into a text. Any advice would be so helpful. BTW I am a 24yr old F and he is 27 ", "answer": "I would take him at his word that he doesn't want to be serious. Don't take it personally. It's not you. His dream text just means that he wouldn't mind fwb.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "70tjmu", "comment_id": "70tjmu"}, {"question": "Am I overreacting?", "description": "My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. Im 20, he is 21. For the most part, we have a great relationship but there is one thing that always seems to bother me. He has a friend, a girl, who is always calling, texting, asking him to hang out, etc. She will even call at odd times like at 2am just to chat. He goes over to her place at night for hours at a time and will come back at 4am. \n\nI understand that they are \"smoke buddies\" so I'm not too worried about him cheating. They also go other places together during the day, like shopping or running errands. I do trust him but I get soo jealous. I just don't like the idea of my boyfriend spending so much time with another girl. I get hurt when he ignores me to talk on the phone with her or bails on plans with me to go hang out with her.\n\nWe have talked about this a lot, but he always just gets upset and says I'm trying to control who he is friends with. Am I? We have almost broken up over fighting about this before. I even turned it around and asked if he would be upset if I acted like this with a guy. He said he would be furious, but nothing changes.\n\nAm I overreacting or what? Help!\n\n**tl;dr** My boyfriend hangs out with another girl so much that I am bothered by it and jealous.", "answer": ">Am I overreacting or what?\n\nYou're not overreacting.  In fact, you're not really reacting at all.  The root word in \"react\" is \"act.\"  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "jb0zm", "comment_id": "jb0zm"}, {"question": "What\u2019s up with people who are obsessed with nostalgia?", "description": "Just got off the phone with my aunt who mentioned for the millionth time how things were \u201cback in the day\u201d.\n\nWhy do ppl do this?", "answer": "People are generally seeking what they perceive to be a \"unique identity\".  The first step in doing this is separating yourself from your parents.  \"I am no longer my parent's kid, I'm my own person!\" kind of thing.  \n\n\nSo.....every generation does weird things to try to separate from the previous generation.  Weird fashions, weird music, weird slang, etc.  Most people within the generation doing it love it, thinks it's all great for it's own sake, but deep down they really love it because it's THEIRS.  \n\n\nI was having this conversation with my wife the other day.... how our parents listening to classic rock always say things like \"Now this is real music!  Not that trash you kids listen to.\"  When they were young listening to the Stones and Led Zeppelin their parents were saying \"We had Benny Goodman Duke Ellington, and Dave Brubeck!  That was some REAL music!, not this trash you kids are listening to today!\"  When my kids grow into teenagers and begin to listening to God knows what I'm sure I'll be saying something similar \"Strike Anywhere, Comeback Kid, Rise Against!  That was some real music!  We had passion... not like this crap today!\"   \n\n:-)\n\n\nYou feel young and like you have your whole life ahead of you when the popular style at the time is YOURS.  As soon as it's moved on from that, you're subconsciously faced with the fact that you're no longer young and getting closer to death.  It makes it easier to shit on the new stuff so you don't feel as bad about what you're going to miss..... That's this shrinks opinion anyway!", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8jmxom", "comment_id": "8jmxom"}, {"question": "What happens when you tell your therapist that you're suicidal?", "description": "I started seeing a therapist not too long ago and in her opening speech telling me what it was all about she said that the sessions were all confidential, excluding if she had reason to believe that I wanted to harm myself. Or something to that effect at least.", "answer": "As a therapist, I would ask you detailed questions about your thoughts (how often you thought about it, if you had a plan, how feasible of a plan, etc), what protective factors you have (what would keep you from killing yourself), and see if we could formulate a safety plan- which might include us talking to someone you live with who could keep an eye on you. \n\nIf we couldn't come up with a reasonable plan, I would talk to you about hospitalization to keep you safe. Now, if you refused, and I felt you were an imminent risk to yourself, I would call 911.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "1zb44j", "comment_id": "1zb44j"}, {"question": "AA vs. SMART", "description": "I posted earlier and it seems I ruffled some feathers about favoring one program over another. (Btw, as you can tell by my badge, I'm very early in my own sobriety and was simply making an observation about my experience so far)\n\nAnything that works for you, me, us to keep us sober is a GOOD thing. But nothing is one size fits all when it comes to getting sober. So I apologize if my opinion offended anyone. \n\nWhat matters on /r/stopdrinking is that we are own unique community! Not AA, not SMART.... we are /r/StopDrinking !!! \nWe needn't argue over the programs. Simply informing each other about the different methods available is invaluable. \n\nI hope we can all just support each other and not get too defensive OR be reckless about bashing one program over the other. \n\nPeace and love.", "answer": "Always helps to have a moderator taking shots at a program of recovery, but hey whatever works ya know.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1oqzua", "comment_id": "1oqzua"}, {"question": "My friend(15M) has been making me(14F) uncomfortable. How do I tell him to stop?", "description": "I'm not sure if this is the right sub but I kinda need help. My friend  has been acting really friendly lately. He's been hugging me more often, coming up behind me and poking my sides, and he tries to kiss my forehead sometimes. I don't have a problem with him hugging me more since I love hugs but I have a problem with everything else, especially him trying to kiss me. It's made me a bit uncomfortable but I haven't said anything because I'm not a very confrontational. But on Valentines he randomly said \"I'm gonna turn you straight.\". I laughed a bit but he looked me in the eyes and said \"I'm being serious.\". I felt really uncomfortable and stayed silent. He then said \"Why can't you be straight?\" and I told him that's something I can't change and then we ended up staying in awkward silence until it was time for class. As stupid as this situation is, it has left me feeling pretty uncomfortable and I know that I should probably let him know how I'm feeling. How do I let him know that he's making me uncomfortable without hurting his feelings?\n\nEdit 1: Reading all the comments on this post has made me think more about this whole situation. Like many of you have said, his \"Turn you straight\" comment and touching are big red flags and they kinda scare me more now ngl.  I'll talk to him tomorrow (with a friend close by) about how he's acting and I'll see how it goes.\n\nEdit 2: I'd like to start off by saying thank you to everyone for giving me some good advice. I talked to my friend today about how uncomfortable he's been making me feel and he apologized for it. Although I will admit, his apology didn't really seem all that genuine. But I'm willing to give him another chance to see if he changes (although I'll probably still be a bit cautious around him). If he doesn't change then I will immediately cut him off. I'd also like to say thank you to u/ThatDonutCat for sticking close by just in case things went down hill!", "answer": "Even if you were straight, what he\u2019s doing is not okay", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "f5h2i1", "comment_id": "f5h2i1"}, {"question": "Is there a point in seeking therapy if you're not necessarily \"dysfunctional\"?", "description": "I've been waffling on the idea of seeking counseling for some time now. I've been dealt a lot of crap these last several years, all of which have had a greatly life-altering impact. I tried 3-4 months worth of sessions between a couple of counselors each during my college years, but it never really made a difference. \n\nI'm conflicted, because I think I dealt with said crap as well as anyone could given the circumstances, but I'm haunted by them so often and fear constantly (perhaps obsessively) for my future due to their impact. My current situation has many difficult factors that are really holding me back from thriving, and I feel incredibly desolate. But again, I can still take care of myself and complete my work as necessary. I enjoy hobbies sometimes, although it can be hard to \"get going\" with them. I can go out with my spouse and feel happy (relatively). For what it's worth, my spouse thinks I should seek counseling. But I'm not convinced it will be worth the cost, especially as the things that hurt me most now aren't things that a therapist can fix. I feel like I would essentially just be paying someone to hear me vent.\n\nSo in sum - what is the breaking point for really \"needing\" therapy? Would it be worth the long-term investment for me? \n\nAny input appreciated.", "answer": "Imagine you a had a headache every day . You could work,  enjoy your hobbies,  and spend time with your partner (who really thinks you should get that headache checked out), but you can't shake the headache.  Eventually,  even if your overall health is good and your life is good, it is going to get annoying and might keep you from being your best self. Wouldn't it make sense to mention it to your doctor? There may be a really simple fix or strategy that can reduce the intensity and duration of those headaches.\n\nIt sounds like your mental health is similar.  You function just fine,  though you also used words/ phrases like \" life-altering impact.\"\n\" haunted\" \" fear constantly (perhaps obsessively) \" \" holding me back from thriving,\"\n\"incredibly desolate.\"  These words indicate real hurt that deserves to be addressed.\n\n\n >the things that hurt me most now aren't things that a therapist can fix. \n\nThis is interesting to me,  and you didn't really explain why this is. Therapists can't \"fix\" anything,  but therapy can address a large range of issues.\n\n\n>So in sum - what is the breaking point for really \"needing\" therapy? Would it be worth the long-term investment for me? \n\nPersonally,  in my opinion,  being high functioning with some hurt and past trauma makes you an IDEAL candidate for therapy.  You probably already have a fantastic support system and great coping skills . That means you  might start ahead and make excellent progress very quickly. \n\nIt seems to me that the issue may be that your expectations of therapy may be narrow and you so are having difficulty piecing it together with your specific struggles. \n\nGood luck , you definitely deserve to feel better!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "hh80wu", "comment_id": "hh80wu"}, {"question": "Compassion and forgiveness", "description": "My therapist discussed compassion and forgiveness for the ones who hurt me.\n\nI know I need to do that to rid myself of anger and move on but it annoys me to hear that.\n\nI have endured a lot of trauma and I am very skeptical now if I am getting good trauma informed therapy.\n\nI am so tired of looking for a therapist. I feel like I need support but the wrong support is probably worse than no support.\n\nI don't know what proper validation looks like.\n\nHe says it is not my fault, he says that it was trauma, complex trauma actually- I was bullied, molested by two people throughout my life, scapegoated by my parents who have trauma of their own and eventually basically ran out of my hometown because of the toxicity. And tonight he says I could be compassionate and forgiving not for them but for myself. My Dad sends me ridiculous mixed signals. He will text me that he loves me, is proud and misses me but when I am home visiting he virtually ignores me. My therapist suggested that he might feel guilty. Okay sure but I feel guilty when I shouldn't because I make an effort to visit and get no quality time or any sign of real interest. He just avoids me. So now I hate going home. \n\nOne time I went home and they started screaming at me that I was crazy so I got my bags and left and walked to the local waffle house and had my friend pick me up.\n\nThis is what I fear when I go home. One wrong thing, eggshells and I am going to be ran out or shouted at or just made to feel like I am doing something wrong. But I should forgive them and feel compassion for them?\n\nWTF. so confused.\n\nHe might know a lot about trauma but he just doesn't seem to have a very gentle approach. Very rigid and rational.\n\nI am torn between just ending our therapeutic alliance or telling him that I feel invalidated when he pushes for compassion towards my abusers.", "answer": "Gonna go all therapist on you because that's what I am :-D\n\n\nIs it possible you're thinking of leaving him and focusing on this because you really want to leave your family (by which I mean cutting off contact to whatever degree you'd like, moving on).... but it's easier to leave him?\n\n\nJust because he's brought up the possibility of being compassionate and forgiving to others doesn't mean you have to be.  It's all about understanding your power of choice.  It's good to know that you have that option if you so choose, but that doesn't mean you have to choose it.  \n\n\nTalk to your therapist about everything you're writing on here.  See if you can work something out in a healthy way.  If you can't and you feel like you've tried everything you can do, then yeah... maybe time to move on and find a better fit.  \n", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "aq1wl1", "comment_id": "aq1wl1"}, {"question": "Is it possible for me to ask my therapist to modify their approach?", "description": "For context, I returned to seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. We've had 2 sessions, and both have felt extremely uncomfortable. I'm aware that the first sessions aren't particularly the best; in the past 4 years, I've had 2 other therapists. My last therapist was lovely--we parted ways because she moved and I didn't feel I needed more sessions--and I feel like I made a lot of progress with how conversational/interactive and affirming she was. My new therapist is much older and has a different background, and does a sort of sit in silence for a long time and mirror how I'm sitting in hopes that I'll say something. I'd love to ask for more structured sessions if possible, because without the feedback and interaction I feel like I haven't been able to really limit the distress from the initial question she asked and its leaking heavily into my life outside of therapy.   \n\n\nTLDR: Am I allowed to ask for a different approach in sessions? I'm hesitant to find another therapist as it took me almost three weeks to find someone with the same availability and insurance as me, and even then she was the only one I could find.", "answer": "Absolutely 100% appropriate, and if she isn\u2019t able to receive your request without ego and at least attempt to accommodate, I would look elsewhere. During my initial session with new clients, I explicitly encourage feedback and make it clear that my job/goal is to provide support in ways that are most helpful to the client. It isn\u2019t at all about me or my preferences. Therapists train in multiple treatment modalities because people have varying needs, preferences, learning styles etc. \nIt\u2019s also totally fine to terminate with her and find someone else if it feels like you aren\u2019t \u201cclicking\u201d and building some rapport after a few sessions. I know that I\u2019m not going to be the right fit for everyone, and I would much rather a client get their needs met elsewhere than stay with me because they\u2019re worried about hurting my feelings, while not making progress toward their goals. Any therapist with basic ethical standards and skills should have a similar perspective. \n\nGood luck!", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "c4xc9e", "comment_id": "c4xc9e"}, {"question": "Correlation to personality test results", "description": "I was wondering what you guys got in various personality tests like MBTI, Enneagram etc? I used to think my results were part of my personality but lately I realized that they correlated to BPD. Wonder if that means my results might change following years of therapy and improvement, and what that says about my personality.\n\n(Side note: I don't know how many people believe in the personality aspect of horoscopes but it was also strange to note that some of my horoscope's traits correlated as well. I joked to my friend that I was destined to have BPD.)\n\n**Correlations**\n\n* MBTI: INFP (used to be ISFP) \u2014 idealistic, takes things personally, difficult to get to know, dreams of the perfect relationship, forms an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts.\n\n* Enneagram: 4w5 \u2014 lacks a clear and stable identity, willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience, feel they are missing something in themselves, base their identity largely on their feelings, attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting other.\n\n* Horoscope: Cancer \u2014 moody, clingy, self-pitying, oversensitive, self-absorbed.\n\nI'd really love to see you guys share your results too! \n\nTo end off, here's some advice for Enneagram Type 4s which I thought would resonate with you guys too:\n\"Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: \u201cFrom our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves\u201d (Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.\"", "answer": "I got the exact same enneagram and MBTI as you, it's funny because I took the official one and then I've taken it since and I can switch between INFP or INTP. It doesn't mean anything, tbh. It's just neat. \n\nAlso my horoscope is Gemini, which totally reflects the dual nature of bpd, but I think thats more related to my perception and the vagueness of horoscopes ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "3j62g7", "comment_id": "3j62g7"}, {"question": "No more sex", "description": "Throw away account. My girlfriend and I have been dating for senior years of hs and college so far. We have had sex twice when we first started dating and now we have not since. Whenever I mention it she says she isn't ready right now or whatever bs. She says sex is sort of painful for her and never wants to do it. She says she loves me and has met my family and always wants to hangout. But j feel like she takes advantage of me bc I won't break up with her over sex bc it's immature. It's very frustrating at this point and I'm not sure if she is just not attracted to me but loves me as her bf. I'm debating breaking up with her or just trying to tell her it has to happen or we will idk in am just confused and could use help. I love her and she beautiful I just don't understand why she never wants to have sex with me. ", "answer": "if sex is painful she should talk to her gyn.  if she has low libido she should see a therapist.   because if there's no sex, it's not sustainable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5mnk43", "comment_id": "5mnk43"}, {"question": "Can no longer climax during sex. [19/M] with [20/F] partner.", "description": "So this started a few days ago. I started seeing a new girl and the sex is absolutely amazing but I haven't finished any of the times we've slept together. This has never been a problem for me in the past and I'm genuinely worried/confused about what's going on. Just looking for some insight into what I should do to get my ability to finish back.", "answer": "are you taking meds, or drinking, or pot?\nif not, you're getting so nervous that you're losing focus. people often are not at their sexual best in a new situation. focus on the relationship...getting to know each other.  sometimes fooling around without intercourse can relax everybody.  ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5pzvm8", "comment_id": "5pzvm8"}, {"question": "Someone close to me has a severe form of OCD, but she doesn't want to go to the psychologist at any cost, how can I help her?", "description": "https://amp.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/azwevy/my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme_germophobia_and/\n\nThis post I found is very similar to her situation.", "answer": "1. Does she mean psychologist, specifically, or any type of psychotherapist? I know people who have had really bad experiences with some specific credential, but are more open to seeing someone with different, but still relevant credentials. E.g. \"I will NOT ever go see a psychologist because I HATE psychologists... but I might be okay with seeing a social worker.\" (And then you could find a licensed clinical social worker with experience with OCD and just not emphasize that this person is a psychotherapist.)\n2. I know this is going to be a really shitty answer, but if someone does not want treatment, you can't make them ready to get it.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "gqgodb", "comment_id": "gqgodb"}, {"question": "[19/f] possibly cheated on", "description": "*Just a warning, this is going to be lengthy*\n\nSo i have been in a relationship officially for 6 months. The guy that i am in a relationship with, was my first  . I currently am in college, and as you may or may not know, just like public school, colleges have vacations. I am technically an international student, so when i go on vacation i go to a different location. The guy i am with, is born and raised in the city in which i go to school. \n\nSo, I went away for Thanksgiving vacation and his sister picked me up from the airport. We were talking about him and stuff, and she said something like, \"You know , we never thought that he would ever get over [insert ex girlfriend #1's name here]\" Ex-girlfriend #1 is also his first girlfriend, so pretty much his first everything. So, that name is very familiar because up until recently, he ALWAYS talked about her and it didn't click to me until his own sister said something about it. So, when his sister dropped me off, i thought about it for a longggg time. Then, I figured out the name of his ex before me(Ex girlfriend #2), and i messaged her. I simply asked her if he mentioned her a lot during their relationship. She said yes so strongly. So me and her conversed for bit, and i told her that i didn't believe that he was over ex-gf #1. I get the whole \"first love\" thing, i guess, but theres a difference between having a first love and missing your first love. He misses her and its obvious. He always compared us, #1 this, #1 that. Because I'm not really a jealous , i didn't really care, until his sister brought it up, which is why i messaged ex-gf #2. NOW, Him and ex-gf #2 are in the same Army unit, Im not insecure about Ex-gf #2 being around him because she's engaged HOWEVER, she can't keep her mouth shut. So immediately she messages him after our conversation. So the next day, he asks me if there was something bothering me. So, I said, obviously you and Ex-gf#2 spoke, so ill just tell you that you talking about ex-gf #1 pisses me off a little. He told me that he has no feelings for her and he was sorry about talking about her so much. So i forgave him and whatever. So i asked him when was the last time he had spoke to ex-gf #1 . He told me that she was ALWAYS hitting him up and things. So, the crazy in me came out just bit. So i messaged ex-gf #1, and was like hey, don't text or message him, you guys have no reason to talk. It took her HOURS to respond, but when she did, you are never going to guess the response i got. She was like \"thats fine, i won't message him, but will you tell him not to message me\". So i was confused and i asked her, when the last time he messaged her was. He had messaged her the Saturday before i got home from vacation, mind you, i got home on Sunday. When she responded to me, she responded with text screenshots from him, asking her if she could hang out with him and telling her how good she looks, etc etc, all things inappropriate for a guy who has a girlfriend to be saying. This girl was completely honest with me and told me that she has a boyfriend, didnt hang out with him and actually told me she blocked him on all social media.\n\nHeres my dilemma, i don't know what to do, most people tell me that i should leave him, because history repeats, but my mother told me that i should take under consideration that he didnt ACTUALLY cheat, or at least i don't know and i will never know, so what do i do? \n", "answer": "ask the right questions until you feel you can trust", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5lj7uu", "comment_id": "5lj7uu"}, {"question": "Depression and Overdose?", "description": "I currently suffer from clinical depression. I am out of the country and am on vacation in Seoul. I'm from Canada and I don't have an insurance, so it's very expensive to get a hold of a doctor here. I take 20mg of Prozac everyday, but a week ago, I went out of town for about 2 days and left my Prozac in another town. So afterwords, I took Prozac again and I think the medication reset. So I've been getting really poor sleep lately. I went to a pharmacy and explained my situation. They said taking sleep aids might help but it's certainly not powerful enough if you're suffering from depression. So knowing this, I overdosed and took the whole bottle. I woke up feeling extremely weak and drunk. It feels like I just took codeine after a surgery. What should I do now to take this weak and tired pain away?", "answer": "Shit. If you have taken a significant overdose, you may have caused significant damage without knowing it. You MUST seek medical advice, URGENTLY.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "4xcd3z", "comment_id": "4xcd3z"}, {"question": "Do you develop a tolerance to a specific drug or a class?", "description": "An example would be that I've been taking 3mg of klonopin for 3 years (weaning off) and it has no noticeable effect on me anymore. Have I developed a tolerance to all benzodiazepines or just klonopin (I'm switching to gabapentin so I'm not looking to bounce from benzo to benzo)? I've been taking norco for almost a year now. Have I developed a tolerance to all opioids or just the norco? Do tolerances go away with time? Example being if I had to undergo an uncomfortable medical procedure two years from my last klonopin, will the benzodiazepine they give me have a reduced effect? \n\nLast question: do you develop tolerances to all medications? It's never been a concern with my antipsychotics or mood stabilizer.\n\nThis information is not important to the post, but I have to include it or this will be removed again.\n\nAge: 29, height: 6'2\", weight: 197lbs, have not smoked in 4 months, but did on and off for 13 years.", "answer": "Tolerance is a big area of study. The quick version is that tolerance isn't one thing but multiple mechanisms. Not all drugs produce tolerance, or at least not to a clinically meaningful extent. For those that do, there can be the phenomenon of cross-tolerance, where tolerance to one drug produces tolerance to another. As you note, that's more likely to occur within a drug class, but it's not necessarily completely equal, and it can affect drugs outside the class.\n\nBenzodiazepines do produce cross-tolerance, so if you're tolerant to Klonopin you're likely to be significantly, but possibly not equally, tolerant to e.g. diazepam (Valium). Opioids similarly. Yes, tolerance decreases with time, and that's actually something that often causes problems with opioid addiction, because what was a safe dose to a heavy user can become a lethal dose after even a fairly short time without using.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "bldfxu", "comment_id": "bldfxu"}, {"question": "How do I politely but clearly ask a psychologist to... \"Cut the crap\" and get to actual treatment?", "description": "So, 4th time is the charm, eh? Or so i hope... I have been to 3 psychologists in the last few years. All gave me the same \"Just try to think about it differently\" level bullshit, that helped nothing. My depression and anxiety are now seriously ednagering my ability to finish university, not just On Time, but AT ALL.\n\nHow can I politely and respectfully tell a psychologist that \"Look, either we get to psychotherapy and/or medication within a month or thanks and goodbye\"? \n\nI know making a diagnosis takes time. I'm okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is spending months and hundreds of dollars sothat I can go to a strangers place for an hour to tell them about my week, and then listen to them advise \"Did you try just ignoring it?\" ", "answer": "1. If you are really seeing Psychologists, you're not gonna get medications from him/her. That requires a doctor/Psychiatrist.\n2. Figure out what you believe effective treatment looks like--and tell your provider *that*. Often CBT (the most evidence-based treatment for Anxiety/Depression) consists of reality-testing, looking for alternative perspectives or thoughts, etc... which sounds like it might be the modality you've experienced. If that's not working for you, perhaps more in-depth (read: long term, sorry) psychodynamic is what you need. \n\nHope this helps guide your thinking as you go forward with care providers. ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "7d5vst", "comment_id": "7d5vst"}, {"question": "should a therapist be alone with a 6 year old", "description": "Is it normal for a therapist to be alone with a 6 year old?", "answer": "Yes. Often , a parent can be brought into the session at the beginning or end,  but therapy needs to be a safe place where the child does not have to worry about the reactions of adults . Even excellent parents have reactions,  and kids pick up on that easily. \n\nWhat , specifically,  are your concerns?", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "ffxgtb", "comment_id": "ffxgtb"}, {"question": "Why does every guy say the same thing to me? It makes me feel like I'm the problem.", "description": "I've had three relationships and two which I considered serious. With these two serious relationships, both of them told me they couldn't fulfill their part in the relationship and didn't have that connection with beforehand. One of these relationships ended two days ago and I'm so depressed... he also said he can't do a relationship right now because school is stressing him out. At first he wanted to break up and said \"maybe down the road we can try again\" and \"I really value your friendship.\" Is there any chance of getting back together? He's actually a great guy but this depresses me. \n\nTL;DR: both serious relationships ended in saying they're not willing to put effort and the don't feel the same. I want to know if I can get back together with one who said maybe in the future we can try again and said he really values my friendship ", "answer": "it's a small sample. it's not you. who knows what people think and feel. most of the time they don't even know. just keep dating. you're fine!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "74vr6i", "comment_id": "74vr6i"}, {"question": "Therapy ~5 years after rape, seems to be re-traumatizing me. Not sure how to deal with this stress or if this is normal.", "description": "After dealing with panic attacks, extreme anxiety, inability to do classroom speeches or demonstrations, depression because of all this, and extreme trouble coping with school/interpersonal relationships related to school I decided for the first time to get counseling.\n\nI went in not expecting to even talk about my rape, but somehow it just came up during the background questions. And I exploded. I started crying and I've been on the verge of crying ever since.\n\nIs this normal? I do believe that I am a naturally anxious person, have been my whole life, but after my rape my anxiety became debilitating. I almost dropped out of school because I couldn't give a speech- I would honestly rather die then do something like this. My panic attacks are so bad I cannot speak. \n\nAnyways I am rambling and pretty lost right now. I know that what happened to me is a giant part of my anxiety, but is there any way therapy can avoid this topic and still help me? I am such a mess now and I'm in a very difficult program at school. I can't deal with this. But not dealing with it isn't an option either.\n\nDoes it get better? What do I do? My therapist's plans for me seem so simple; meditation and CBT. She also mentioned that I seemed okay and that I'm not the kind of person who would be in therapy forever/long time. Somehow I feel like I didn't get across how fucked up I feel. I guess **I** didn't even realize it. \n\nI am so lost. It's been 5 years and I feel like I've made no progress. I feel so alone. I'm scared she will dismiss me before I'm truly rehabilitated. I'm scared my issues are too big to tackle. Is it normal to feel so messed up? It was only 1hr long intro session of therapy and I'm just completely dismantled.\n\nThanks for listening, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking. Maybe just some experiences with therapy and whether or not it gets worse before it gets better? Continue? I do really like my therapist if that means anything.", "answer": "Yes, absolutely. In sexual assault responses there is a huge spectrum of \"normal\" because it's a very personal thing. I suppose I should have said that op's response is very common , but it's by no means the ONLY type of response. This is one thig that is so hard for the public to understand-- there is no one \"typical\" way for a rape survivor to act, but tv and movies persist in showing one type of response, which then makes it difficult for the public to accept other types of responses as \"real.\" It's very unfortunate, ESP when it comes to trying to prosecute cases, because juries expect the tv type of response.", "topic": "rapecounseling", "post_id": "2g1mdm", "comment_id": "2g1mdm"}, {"question": "I [27M] am unsure if my [23F]GF is emotionally abusive.", "description": "Only reason I ask if shes emotionally abusive is because a [30M] friend says she is when i go to him for advice. \n\nWe are long distance, we see each other 2 weeks out of the month, me going to her. Been dating a year. Things are great, when we are together we are happy and very much in love. Life is great but she has pretty bad anxiety and really doesn't do well with her own problems. I'm not very open, in her opinion, and I have a hard time helping her. She gets upset if I ask a question differently than how she would want it asked. When she is upset and I check up on her asking \"how are you feeling?\" she gets mad cause she hates when I ask it that way. I should ask it her way, \"feeling better?, still feeling the same?\" stuff like that. It all just seems so small and insignificant to be upset over. How can someone be upset with their SO when they are actively trying to help. \n\nHer birthday was on a Thursday, a day I wouldn't be with her. So on Monday, a day I took off work to help her move I decided I'd buy her a cake, and flowers for her birthday and first day at her new job. She was happy everything was good, nice surprise. On her actual birthday I texted her \"happy birthday!!\" in the morning and didn't really talk to her till after work. She was upset I didn't make a bigger deal about her birthday. No social media post. No texts saying \"hows the birthday girl?\" \"hows your birthday going?\". I could have texted her but when she started her new job we really don't text till after we both get off work. If this all makes sense. \n\nJust a bunch of small things that are insignificant. I just feel like I have to talk on eggshells sometimes when shes anxious as well. Never know when I'll word something wrong and annoy her. If she doesn't want to talk for a few hours cause shes upset, we don't talk. If I decide we shouldn't talk for a few hours to gather our thoughts she freaks out. \"you can just decide that huh?\" \"ill talk to you in a few days, goodbye.\" \"fuck off, i know you hate me saying that but fuck. off.\"\n\nI'm pretty laid back and chill. I don't like confrontation but feel like I have to really step up and tell her she needs to chill and check her when she starts acting crazy. It's frustrating. I just want her to treat me with some respect, even when shes anxious or upset. \n\nHope this makes sense, wrote it quickly during lunch. Thanks.", "answer": "she is a very high maintenace gf. is  she in therapy?  yes, she is abusive", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6p97i4", "comment_id": "6p97i4"}, {"question": "Surviving an Affair - Help", "description": "I cheated on my bf of 7 years who I live with and own a business with.\n\nAfter a 3 month break up and him booking up with other girls and doing his thing, we started a trial period. A trial for him to see if I was someone he could be with. Of course there were rules.\n\n1. Share my location, tell him everywhere I was going, send him pictures \n2. Show him any conversions with guys, tell him who was going to be at events\n3. Not go out to bars, clubs, nightlife \n4. Complete transparency\n5. No one can know\n6. We\u2019d still live / sleep together \n\nI agreed to it all. It\u2019s been about 10 months and I feel as if I\u2019m going to crumble. I\u2019m constantly paranoid of him cheating or talking to girls. I\u2019ve seen him message the girls he\u2019s hooked up with and it\u2019s driving me crazy because he won\u2019t tell me anything. I\u2019m completely in the dark andy insecurity is causing me major anxiety. He comes home super late and I can\u2019t sleep because I worry and I miss him.\n\nWhat do I do? How do I hold it together? How do I stay strong to survive and repair this relationship?\n\nHe said by next year he would tell me if he wants to start dating again or not. ", "answer": "Monitoring after cheating can help, BUT only for a short time. Then you either trust them or you don't. You can't put a gps on them forever.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "77dl4w", "comment_id": "77dl4w"}, {"question": "What can I do for a friend who doesn't want to stop?", "description": "My closest friend from college has been snorting heroin for the last 6 months or so. He is most certainly also depressed. He also believes himself too smart for most conventional depression treatments or declares the side effects unacceptable.\n\nI, and just about everyone else he knew, discovered his addition when he moved back home from the midwest, his stash ran out, and withdrawal kicked in, so he had to check into a hospital to ride it out. Immediately afterwards there was a rush of attention and caring from everyone around him. We thought that it was basically an accident; that he was using a small dose to self-medicate his depression, and that it got a little bit out of control, but that this incident would drive home the need to get serious about dealing with depression, the underlying problem.\n\nUnfortunately he was back on in a couple of weeks. He wasn't secretive about his use, and I, along with his one other close friend did our best to spend time with him without judging, but eventually it started to get uncomfortable. He isn't himself anymore, which was obvious to those who loved him, but he won't admit that there has been any change. \n\nHe clings to the idea that you can \"get better\" at doing heroin, or in other words, find ways to make it acceptable to those around you. What that has resulted in has been a lot of emotional manipulation, condescension, erratic behavior, culminating in him getting kicked out of his parents' house when he accused his mom of sexually harassing him and being a whore, the latter of which is just name calling, and the former of which is a really serious accusation that, while most likely not true, has the potential to tear a family apart.\n\nTL;DR - my friend who I care about is addicted to heroin and is starting to get out of control but is extremely resistant to the idea of treatment. What can I do?", "answer": "As far as getting him sober, you can do nothing. Acceptance of that will be one of the most beneficial moves you can make. For me I needed to be pummeled into the willingness to get help. People who cared about me and had their best intentions did nothing, but delay the inevitable and extend the suffering. \n\nHe has to find his own bottom. The best you can do is be available to him so when the time comes you can guide him to getting help.", "topic": "REDDITORSINRECOVERY", "post_id": "1yb6pv", "comment_id": "1yb6pv"}, {"question": "What can I be institutionalized/reported on for? (USA) (F/16)", "description": "Overall, I\u2019m a fairly high-achieving and functional person who hides their mental illness. Because of this, one of my greatest fears is being institutionalized/my mom finding out how bad things are. With my therapist, I\u2019m fairly open, but I\u2019ve been hiding these weird panic attacks I\u2019ve had lately. I\u2019m worried that my therapist will have to report them to my mom as a threat to myself/institutionalize me.\n\nCan anyone say if my fears are realistic or not? I\u2019m sorry if this is a weird question.\n\nLately I\u2019ve been having some very strange panic attacks. Symptoms include: \n\n-hallucinations of people/lights/buildings \n\n-feeling like my mind is being read by \u201cthem\u201d\n\n-\u201cknowing\u201d that I\u2019m in a simulation \n\n-being unable to be around technology, because it\u2019s \u201ctheir\u201d way of reading my mind\n\n-whenever I touch something, I have a freak out because it somehow connects me to \u201cthem\u201d\n\nThey last anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours, usually when driving. They\u2019re insanely inconveniencing, but the problem is just if it would get me in trouble. Does anyone know if my therapist could report me for these?", "answer": "In addition to danger to self or others, there are states that list \"grave disability\" due to mental illness as reason for involuntary commitment. It doesn't sound like you're gravely disabled. I'm not sure what \"reported\" would mean\u2014other than commitment, there isn't really anything anyone can do or anyone to report *to*.\n\nHowever, like many people here have said, the symptoms you're reporting, although they come and go, sound more like periods of hallucinations and delusions than panic, which would make me concerned about psychosis. That's treatable, but the treatment is different.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8981ag", "comment_id": "8981ag"}, {"question": "Mini rant/ needed a place to vent", "description": "This might get downvoted to hell or it might turn out other people agree, but I just needed to get it out of my system and this seemed like the best space to do so...\n\nI resent, **greatly**, the amount of attention and acknowledgment autism gets. I remember there was just starting to be some real momentum growing in legitimizing ADHD as a disorder right around the time I was diagnosed (over 2 decades ago at this point) and then all of a sudden everything was about autism. And as soon as we started hearing all about autism, all the public attention for ADHD vanished aside from commentary about how people abuse adderoll and ritalin as study aids.\n\nNow there's a new muppet on Sesame Street with autism and I'm sitting here still thinking \"what about me?\" \n\nWhat about the fact that I still have to feel shame and hide my disability while every single other mental disorder gets treated with more legitimacy than mine does? Even the new kid (autism) gets more consideration! What about the fact that there are zero representations of ADHD in the media that aren't a joke or a pill addict?\n\nAnd I feel like a total heel for resenting it too, because all disabilities are deserving of consideration and respect and should be taken seriously. But I do. I feel like the forgotten middle child between the older siblings depression and anxiety, and this new precious snowflake youngest child autism.\n", "answer": "You bring up a very important issue that Adults with ADHD face. I am currently in training to be a therapist and was shocked to find out that some people in my classes did not know that ADHD was also a disorder with adults.  Unfortunately, ADHD is \"milder\" than autism so it is less noticeable to others. However, NO ONE knows you like YOU know you. Others cannot define what you are and how you SHOULD be. My personal goal is to be an advocate for Adult ADHD and raising awareness because it is definitely needed. ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "60i3wf", "comment_id": "60i3wf"}, {"question": "Hallucination at age 12 from flu?", "description": "This is gonna be long so skip to the bottom for a summary if you don't want to read all of it.\n\nBasically, I spent about a few weeks home from school when I was roughly twelve with a bad flu (not bad enough to be hospitalised though). I had quite a large amount phlegm build up in my nose and throat, as well as feeling very fatigued, and a little sensitive to light. \nI put on a movie (pirates of the Caribbean number three) and about half way through I had to stop. This was due to feeling very tired, and also because I found the TV too bright. Also, the scene where Jack Sparrow is pulling a ship along an endless sea of sand (and a bunch of weird rocks turn into crabs and pull the ship away) kind of freaked me out; I'd always found that scenes where characters are surrounded by never ending nothingness, or just a blank landscape unbelievably upsetting (they could walk for miles and get nowhere. They have nothing to look forward to; that sounds like my personal HELL).\n\nAnyway, so I go to bed, and I vividly remember having a pirates of the Caribbean themed nightmare. It went something like those little rocks kept turning into crabs and then the crabs would turn into rocks, and I couldn't tell which was which or what was real, and their colour kept changing from white to black to checkered, and for some reason I had this desperate urge to hold onto a rope; and if I didn't, I would fall or something imminently bad would come if I let go.\n\nWhen I woke up, I couldn't breath properly, and I felt unbelievably afraid. I had a desperate desire to hold on to something, but whenever I gripped my blankets, it didn't feel . . . Enough. It's really the only way I can describe the feeling - I had to grip something because if I didn't, waves of anxiety would overcome me, and I felt like crying. Also, at the edges of my vision, and whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the same interlocking black and white patterns that I saw o the crabs. I remember getting up and running to the kitchen, and desperately trying to find something - I remember gripping the table, the chairs, the phone, but it always felt to unstable or not enough to support myself. It felt like hours of running around the house in near tears, just grabbing things to hold onto, and feeling as though something terrible would happen if I didn't, all while the checker patterns flitted around my vision, further heightening my fears. \n\nSometime later, I \"came to\" in a sense; I found myself in the study, hanging on to the back of the chair, while the black and white pattern had faded enough for me to ignore it, and the feelings of intense fear eased enough for me to be able to confidently recognise my own home. (before, I didn't really process or know where I was; the panic had consumed any feelings of familiarity towards my surroundings) I realised that I couldn't breath properly - not in the same way that you can't breathe when feeling really nervous or when you have a panic attack, but as in I literally could not get enough air into my lungs because of the phlegm blocking it. \n\nI managed to call my mum (who was picking up my sisters from school at the time) and told her that I couldn't breath properly, and ohhhh boy it was sooo relieving to hear her voice. She told me to wait just a little bit, she was almost home, and that it would all be fine in a moment. I waited for her to come home, watching our drive way through a window, just trying to breath slowly enough to get enough air. Within twenty minutes, I felt my throat clear up enough, and when mum came home, I told her it was fine now, and I've never spoke about it or thought about it to this day.\n\nCould anyone shed a light on what caused this, or what it was? The more I write the more i wonder if it was more like a panic attack and less like a hallucination. TBH, I just wanted to get this off my chest. \n\ntl;dr: I suffered from a rather intense nightmare and woke up seeing black and white interweaving patterns moving across my vision, as well as extreme feelings of panic that made me temporarily unaware of my surroundings. I had this desperate urge that I need to hold on or grip something, and if I let go of any object, I would feel waves of anxiety and fear overcome me. This felt like it lasted for hours (but probably only lasted 20mins or so), and when I \"came to\" I found I couldn't breathe properly due to my throats and nose being blocked by phlegm. ", "answer": "Visual hallucinations during high fevers are incredibly common.  Nothing to worry about there with the exception that if your fever is THAT high, you probably need to at least take some type of medication to bring it down.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8wiazz", "comment_id": "8wiazz"}, {"question": "I've never been in a relationship and I'm in my late 20s. Going to a sex club is far less terrifying than going out for coffee, 1-on-1. How can I change this?", "description": "I haven't been in a relationship because I feel like I need to become a better person before I can commit. I've passed on partners because I've always felt that in the end, they're better off without me.\n\nAnonymous one night stands are far easier for me. It scares me more that a person would find me \"boring and uninteresting\" in the head than not being physically attracted to me.\n\nI'm at a point in my life where I feel incredibly depressed, due to lack of progress in my education and mental state and I'm wondering if it's still possible for me to be in a relationship despite 'not loving myself' or feeling incomplete, because I feel like this is how I always will be.", "answer": "The question \"Is life worth living\" is a religious question.  The answer a person gives, if detailed enough ,will disclose their core beliefs. People are free to choose what they believe and if you do not feel free to choose these core beliefs, you are not free. I suggest that you need to work yourself free from certain beliefs that you hold but in fact hold you. Once you examine them in detail you will be free to discard them and adopt better, more beautiful and functional beliefs.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "39y6lg", "comment_id": "39y6lg"}, {"question": "My therapist, who was like my second mom, passed away three months ago.  I miss her so badly right now.", "description": "It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts less frequently.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  She changed my life.  She helped me so much, and so her words of wisdom and encouragement are always with me.  Whenever I'm stuck or falling into old traps, I think about what she would have told me.  \n\nI'm doing so much better; I really am.  But all of my progress is so bittersweet in that any time I stop to think about how well I'm doing or I find a reason to be proud of myself, all I want in the world is to share it with her, to make her proud and to hear her tell me how proud of me she is.\n\nI want to be a living testament to the power of her healing.  I want to some day use my life experiences to help others and share what she has taught me.  At the memorial service, her husband told me, \"She always said her children were her legacy, and I like to think you all (her patients) fell into that category.  Just remember, now you have to pay it forward.\"\n\nI've never lost anyone close to me before.  Ironically, losing a loved one was something I thought she'd be there to help me through, and she was the first person I loved to pass away.  And it hurts... so fucking bad.", "answer": "Yup.  Losing people sucks.  I like your idea about using what she taught you to help others.\n\nYou say you thought she'd be there to help you through losing a loved one, and in a way it sounds like she is, because you're using what she taught you to get through losing her.\n\nIt'll hurt bad for awhile, but it will get easier.  You won't \"get over\" it.  And you'll probably carry her with you for the rest of your life.\n\nI lost my mom, to whom I was very close, when I was 21.  That was 29 years ago.  I still feel her with me, and not a day goes by when she doesn't cross my mind in one way or another.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "17dbej", "comment_id": "17dbej"}, {"question": "Will a doctor prescribe viagra or something similar to me? Are there any test involved?", "description": "I'm still fairly young, 22. I'm healthy. \n\nWhat are the odds a doctor will be willing to prescribe me? Do I need to be tested? ", "answer": "Depends if you need it or not!\n\nWhy do you think you need sildenafil?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "5lrgmt", "comment_id": "5lrgmt"}, {"question": "How should a therapist respond to your diagnosis questions ?", "description": "Today I brought up the possibility of me being bipolar and only feeling good because I'm manic. I'm not displaying symptoms of classic mania but I'm just concerned that me no longer feeling suicidal and depressed is not because I'm getting better happier and healthier while sober but because I'm manic. \n\nThis concern stems becayse of a diagnosis - rather quickly after 5 mins - I got at 19. \n\nI've had depressive episodes in my life but they usually were becayse of bad relationships or toxic jobs. \n\nAnyways how should a therapist approach a concern from a client about a certain illness or disorder ? She said she didn't think I had it.\n\nWould she be able to tell after 5 sessions if I was?\n\nShould she have asked more questions as to why I think that ?", "answer": "For many of us (therapists), we don't really put too much stock in diagnosis in general.  There have been many studies that show diagnosis overall is not very accurate and consistent between clinicians.  On top of that, diagnoses are not diseases in the way many people think.  Generally, they're patterns of symptoms or behaviors that when lumped together, someone can apply a label to, but don't really speak to the person as an individual or what their specific experiences are.  \n\n\nIf you and your therapist are someone who puts a lot of importance on diagnosis, I would say your therapist who has seen you for 5 sessions can give a much more accurate impression of what you would be diagnosed with than what you got after a 5 minute psych eval/intake?  \n\n\nFrom my own personal experience, it's pretty rare that folks who do internet dives and research certain diagnoses are correct in diagnosing themselves (this includes me when I thought I had Bipolar while in college).  The diagnosis I was given when I went for treatment much more accurately described my experience than what I thought, though once again, not very important in the grand scheme of things as far as my learning to cope with and/or overcome my symptoms.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "cqynhu", "comment_id": "cqynhu"}, {"question": "What happens if I go to the hospital?", "description": "I am getting desperate. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to get better but I don't know how. I'm thinking about going to the hospital and telling someone how suicidal I am, but I'm afraid. Has anyone done this before? ", "answer": "Do you have any outpatient providers (therapist and/or psychiatrist)?", "topic": "SuicideWatch", "post_id": "5kmh16", "comment_id": "5kmh16"}, {"question": "Can you get norovirus from coughing?", "description": "Male, 35. Non smoker, no health issues or medications taken.\n\nMy wonderful company in all of its wisdom decided to lower the walls of our cubicles and make us all sit looking at each other.\n\nUnfortunately the guy across from me loves coughing into the air. In the last 3 months, I've been sick 3 times. He threw up yesterday at work, came back this morning and has been coughing all morning in my face.\n\nI've checked online but can't find a definitive answer, is it possible to get the stomach flu from someone coughing?", "answer": "Norovirus can\u2019t be transmitted by coughing, but it can be become airborne from vomit.\n\nIf he\u2019s back at work today, though, it\u2019s probably not norovirus. Maybe another GI but or even so much coughing that he vomited. There are certainly other airborne infections to tell him to at least cover his mouth and wash his hands for!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "b5r8cn", "comment_id": "b5r8cn"}, {"question": "Wine is...", "description": "Wine is...\n\nTo my delusional brain:\n-Feeling \u201csexy\u201d and desirable \n-Very European and laid back\n-Sinatra in the background as I cook \n-A fragrant aroma on the lips \n-Deep conversations with girlfriends\n-Giggling and telling jokes\n-A \u201cdeserved\u201d break from the day to day \n-Letting loose, \u201chaving a good time\u201d\n-Being \u201csocial\u201d and \u201cfun\u201d\n-A harmless way for a gal to relax \n\nIn reality:\n-A pounding, relentless headache\n-Bloodshot eyes and red, swollen cheeks\n-Sallow, dry skin and stained, dry lips\n-Embarrassing myself in public\n-Fighting with my husband \n-Hanging on people, harassing them with my putrid, toxic breath \n-Bruises from origins unknown\n-Accidentally breaking my property\n-Careless, dangerous mistakes\n-Forgotten, meaningless conversations\n-Shallow/vague/indulgent confessions of love and appreciation to people who are in, actuality, mere acquaintances \n-Crying uncontrollably about things that happened 10+ years ago\n-Sloppy dancing and slurred sing alongs (aka looking like a total mess and fool) \n-Saying god-awful things under the guise of \u201cbeing honest\u201d \n-Insane and chronic anxiety and sadness\n-Regret and actual terror over what I possibly said and did \nThe list could go on and on and on...\n\nI have a friend\u2019s wedding in September and actually thought about having \u201cjust\u201d a glass the other day. I wrote this to hold myself accountable. IWNDWYT", "answer": "Very well said and so true. The picture of drinking in our head doesn\u2019t usually match the reality at all! Since my drinking became problematic, there was never one time when I woke up thinking..\u201dI\u2019m really glad I drank last night.\u201d It\u2019s more like you said; what the hell do I do or say. Are people pissed at me for something or did I manage to skate through without ruining a friendship or starting a fight? Or did I say something inappropriate or mean that has no resemblance at all to my true feelings or beliefs, either in the name of humor or to lash out for who knows why. For me, there is also almost always more drinking the next day to put all the things I just mentioned out of my head. What a miserable way to live!! Glad to be sober and hopefully have all of that behind me. IWNDWYT!!", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cd2x55", "comment_id": "cd2x55"}, {"question": "AA friendships", "description": "There was a post on here earlier looking for sober friends that got deleted. I wondered for a while why people stopped talking to people who left the room or why they were so distant the first couple months I was in the room. The longer I stick around the fellowship the more I realize that this is in fact a life or death situation, and a lot of people come in and out of the rooms so often that it can be scary to get attached to someone and then find out they're back out or have died of this disease. \n\nIn my experience, it took me some time to really form meaningful friendships in AA. They were my friends from the very beginning, but to me having a friend and having friendships is vastly different. They wanted to make sure that I was not only serious about my sobriety, but that I also respected the fellowship that saved their lives. AA is absolutely not a social club, it is a program of recovery where alcoholics help each other get better. One of the gifts of sobriety, however, is that I get some really amazing friends who understand where I'm at before I do most of the time.", "answer": "Thanks for sharing. I've been active in AA for 2 years after getting sober in another fellowship, and working through the traditions checklist with my sponsor I've realized that I still often don't feel like part of the crowd, even though I identify, gave a home group, and regularly visit with people before and after the meeting. I see others who *seem* to click with the crowd quickly, especially the YPAA crowd, and it can make me feel like I'm back in high school, except I can't find the other nerds this time around... And then I can start to feel isolated and resentful. But you're right, it's not a social club, and the most important thing is if I'm hearing the message. Sometimes it just takes time to find and develop friendships.", "topic": "alcoholicsanonymous", "post_id": "57zxkj", "comment_id": "57zxkj"}, {"question": "Me [28/m] and my wife (27/f) might be getting a divorce after 7 years and I don't want to", "description": "Hi reddit, thanks in advance for reading. I live with my wife and 3 other roommates. About a month ago she admitted to me that she had been \"cuddling and kissing\" one of my other male roommates. This was extremely hurtful to me but I told her that I still wanted be married and to make our relationship work. Since then we have talked more about our feelings and my wife is thinking that what happened between my roommate and her was indicative of some problems in our relationship, which I don't disagree with. She has admitted to me that she has strong feelings for our roommate and that her feelings for me have not been the same. We both still love each other and I still find her to be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am struggling with what the next step should be. I am hoping that with time we can rekindle what we had but sometimes it seems like she is not interested in trying. I feel like I should take her unwillingness to work on what remains of our marriage as a sign I should move on. Yet a divorce is the last thing I want to do. I need help. TLDR: My wife and I are approaching divorce and I want to stay married, what should I do?", "answer": "suggest marriage counseling before a final decision is made.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6pbsl8", "comment_id": "6pbsl8"}, {"question": "Maximum HR?", "description": "I'm 58, 6', currently at 174 lbs. I work out regularly (6 or 7 days a week) doing mostly BeachBody videos...so it's a lot of cardio and core work. I have a HR monitor I use during my workouts and wear a FitBit during the day. The top HR I've experienced while working out is 186 bpm. My lowest resting HR (early in the morning) is at 57 bpm.\n\nI don't have any particular malady, but i do have a question that i think a doctor could answer better than some random person on the fitness sub.\n\nMy question is about my \"maximum\" HR. I have used all of the usual scales on the internet about HR max, and at 58 years old, it should be somewhere in the 150s. But now i'm reading that your HR max can be determined by your tolerance or perception of difficulty to that HR. For me (who has worked out off and on for the last 25 years...so I'm in pretty good shape and used to sweating), 157 bpm is barely breaking a sweat. \n\nBut when I get going in my cardio workouts, I can easily hit 180 or 181 bpm, and while that is indeed hard work, it isn't painful or in any way undoable. I can stay in those low 180s for a few minutes with no problems. I have hit 187 before, but that's when i started to notice maybe it was too high. Still no \"pain\" or whatever, but I knew I was working really hard.\n\nSo the question is, from a doctor's point of view, what is truly one's HR max and how can you safely determine it? Is it how you feel or your perception of the work? Or is it an objective number that, if you go over it, you're going to die?\n\nI've also noticed, apropos of nothing, that a high HR does not necessarily equate to being out of breath. I can be out of breath at 160 or so, especially early on in a work out, but sometimes at 180 i will take a \"cleansing breath\" and be breathing fine, but i'm in the mid 170s at the time. So a secondary question is how HR correlates to breathing.\n\nI know this may not make it through the mods because I have no malady to speak of, but I figured a doctor would know this stuff with much less goofy exercise science than other sources.\n\nI have my yearly checkup with my doctor next month and I'm going to ask him the same question, FWIW.\n\nThanks.", "answer": " The American College of Sports Medicine has apparently updated the calculation to 206.9 - 0.67\\*age, which would put your max at 168. Not too far off, especially given that this is a very rough rule of thumb. \n\nThe maximum heart rate calculations are probably most useful for things like cardiac stress tests, where for it to give information the heart has to be working hard. MHR isn't a number past which you are in serious trouble, it's the number past which your heart just will not go. If you can beat your calculated value then you're just on the high end of the bell curve.\n\nUnless you have cardiac disease and demand ischemia (your heart can't provide itself with enough blood to meet demand if it goes fast), exercising hard isn't risky, it's healthy. You'd know that because of the chest pain when you hit that limit.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8siq08", "comment_id": "8siq08"}, {"question": "Sadness when leaving a therapist", "description": "So I was in a very serious accident which ended up with me getting surgery on both legs and having to be in physical rehab for two months. I don't have any close friends that I can talk over stuff with and I ended up working with an occupational therapist who joked around with me and helped me by listening. That was four months ago and now I'm back in my apartment and walking with a walker and a cane. My problem is that I can't seem to stop grieving over not seeing the therapist anymore. I feel like a little kid who's best friend has moved away. I'm sad all the time. How do I get over this?", "answer": "Have you considered seeking out another therapist -- in this case, a mental health therapist who could help you talk through some of your feelings?", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "4y2z6d", "comment_id": "4y2z6d"}, {"question": "Beta blockers with Xanax/Perazin", "description": "So my mom [49F] 161cm, 50kg, no smoking, takes beta blockers daily due to her heart problems (after her second heart surgery in 2013 on a Valve) but lately she's been feeling extremely anxious due to some private problems and we've been wondering if it'd be ok for her taking Xanax (0.25mg) or Perazin (25mg). She asked me to look on the internet for some info but I couldn't find anything particular, so that's why I'm asking you guys", "answer": "This is something that needs to be discussed with a doctor, both because someone has to prescribe if the answer is yes and because someone who\u2019s prescribing needs full medical details.\n\nBroadly, my answer is that Perazin is probably not a good first choice and Xanax is not a good choice for most anxiety.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "edoy3s", "comment_id": "edoy3s"}, {"question": "Risk of getting salmonella from a very small amount of raw chicken?", "description": "I just ate a very small bit of raw chicken about 30 mins ago. It was from a small packet of chicken feet from China, so the size was only about as large as the meat from one of its tiny fingers. We didnt know it had to be boiled.\n\n What are the chances of getting salmonella?", "answer": "No idea, but if you're fine after a couple of days then you've probably got away with it.\n\n[Salmonella poisoning](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/salmonella-infection/Pages/Introduction.aspx)", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "6f2jea", "comment_id": "6f2jea"}, {"question": "Brother Stole My Happiness", "description": "Hi All, I am a 27 year old male who has struggled with depression his whole life. If it's okay, I would just like to share my whole story \n\nWhen I was five years old, my dad told me about sex (not exactly sure why...he was on drugs at the time. This got me curious and I decided to look up naked women online. Two or three years later, my brother (two years older than me) found about my porn interest and blackmailed me into doing things for him so he wouldn't tell my mom about it. It started off as small things like getting him a pepsi or cleaning his room, but it eventually turned sexual. \n\nHe made me kiss him, made me touch him, made me give him blowjobs, the worst things you can imagine. I could not realize that what he was making me do was way worse than me looking at porn. He always told me that my mom and dad would disown me if they found out I was looking at porn. This went on for 5 or 6 long years. When I knew we would be home alone, I was filled with incredible anxiety and dread. I would feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I would feel the same way when my mom would get on our computer out of fear that she would find the porn I had looked at. \n\nEventually, it all stopped when one day my mom came home early and found us in the act. She was shocked and did not know what to do. I told her everything at that point. It was a huge relief, but in a way, I was afraid at what would happen to my brother. What was the huge punishment they gave him? Nothing. My mom had to take my brother to a band event and she said they would talk on the way there and back. When they came back, my brother gave me a half hearted apology and that was the end of it. I was never offered any therapy and no one was told about it. My brother got to walk away from the whole thing free as a bird. \n\nMy brother would go on to be an extremely popular guy who everyone loved. I lived in his shadow. Teachers, family, friends, neighbors all thought he was amazing, and they always felt like they needed to tell me about it. My mom also continued to idolize all of his accomplishments and treated him like the golden child. I became extremely close with my dad who my brother never had a good relationship with and fought with my mom constantly. It all seemed fine until my senior year of high school when I had a huge mental breakdown.\n\nIt was a combination of the stress of picking the right college and the end of my first real relationship. I felt like I wanted to kill myself and I was extremely angry and emotional. This led to therapy, for the first time in my life. My psychologist single handedly saved my life. We got to the root of my problems. I had repressed the real reasons I was angry and emotional. I hated my brother and I hated my mom. I realized that I felt like I had been cheated out of a normal life and happiness. To this day, I cannot trust people because when I needed my family, the people who I thought I could trust, they abandoned me so that we could keep up the appearance of a normal family. I am anxious and stressed all of the time when I am home because my childhood home was not a safe place. To this day, I hate being in that house. \n\nNow, at 27, I feel like I cannot form a good relationship. I cannot truly trust. I cannot connect with someone physically and emotionally because I can not equate physical love to emotional love. To me, they are two separate things. This has led to me cheating on many girlfriends. I am sad all of the time because of how anxious I get and the deep feeling of being cheated out of happiness in my life. The only good thing that has come out of it is that now I am a teacher and I can spot a kid with depression or anxiety a mile away. They call me the kid whisperer.\n\nMy brother is still the big popular guy. Loads of friends, winning 5k's, living in Florida. My mom takes every opportunity to go see him down there. He lives the popular lifestyle she always wanted. I have talked with him throughout our lives or what happened when we were kids, and he has apologized again and again about it. We are working on our relationship, but he will never truly know what he stole from me all those years ago. \n\nNo one truly knows every aspect of this story. Some people know I was molested as a kid, a small handful know it was my brother, but no one knows  exactly how bad it has affected my life. I thought people here would understand. \n\nSupport is appreciated. Thanks all.", "answer": "I\u2019m so sorry this happened to you.  Shame in your mom for not holding your brother accountable.  Parents often react negatively to sexual abuse, believe me, I know, I work in the field.  Perhaps a support group might be helpful for you.  Also have confidence in yourself.  You have value and strengths that no one can take from you.  ", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "9wx87y", "comment_id": "9wx87y"}, {"question": "Do we go to the ER for our 22 month old sons 105 fever.", "description": "His fever started at 103 on Friday and has been kept at bay with alternating ibuprofen and acotomenophine. It spiked to 105 3 hours ago. We have another 5ml of ibuprofen it went to down to 101 but has climbed back to 104.5. We have been told hand, foot and mouth has been going around his daycare. \n\nDo we sit tight for 10 hours for our family care center to open at 9 am E.T. or do we risk going to the ER? \n\nWe have cool cloths on his forehead and back of his neck. I read a fan is also helpful.\n\nAny suggestions are appreciated.\n\n", "answer": "Omg. I\u2019m not a doctor. Used to work at a preschool infant toddler classroom. GO!", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "7wqn9z", "comment_id": "7wqn9z"}, {"question": "So someone pissed all over my laptop", "description": "Hi RA\n\n Early this morning I come back home from my friend's dorm.  I went to go check my laptop for Facebook and whatnot. I notice that the green light isn't on on the charger which is plugged in. I open the laptop and liquid starts pouring out from it. A lot of it. I run and grab a towel and start to mop it up. It's a fowl smelling liquid. Long story short, I determined that someone opened my laptop, urinated inside of it, and then closed it because the top of the laptop wasn't wet at all.\n\nMy roommates all deny it and they say that the people they had over Friday night (I was gone most of that night as well) didn't do it. I hadn't used my laptop since Thursday so I don't know when this happened. The last thing I did with my laptop of put it on my desk and plug it in. \n\nNow after talking with with my roommates some more I have this information: \n\nRoommate #1: very, defensive about it. \n\"I'm sorry this happened, but no one here did it! So stop bringing it up\" Insinuating that I did it. He is short, though, and I don't think he'd be able to pee on my desk and laptop with out standing on a chair. Which he would have fallen off. Also he isn't one to get super wasted so I don't think it was him. \n\nRoommate #2: tried cocaine Saturday night. Got very drunk the night on Friday. Got defensive as well. Asked if I was sure I didn't do it. (I'm sure I didn't. I came back on Friday slightly drunk, went to the actual bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, then went to sleep. On Saturday, I was completely sober). \n\nRoommate #3: seemed genuinely surprised. I don't think it was him. \n\nFriend #1: Was over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. \n\nFriend #2: Over Friday night when I was out. Was \"wasted\" that night according to roommate #1. Does \"crazy things\" when he is drunk according to another friend. \n\nHow do I go about confronting them? I've talked to my roommates, but not the friends that were over. Im currently drying it in a sealed bag with rice, but i have no idea if it'll turn on again. Any experience with similar situations?\n\nThanks in advance RA\n\n", "answer": "Do you live in a dorm? If so, report them to your RA. That is unacceptable.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "16yaay", "comment_id": "16yaay"}, {"question": "Is Zellweger's Syndrome recessive in siblings?", "description": "Age: 38 Weight: 225 lbs. Sex: Male Race: Caucasian Duration/Place of complaint: My brother who passed from this condition (familial concern) Current Meds: Lisinopril and Vitamin D supplements.\n\nHello, I appreciate you taking the time to read this message. I actually just signed up to Reddit for expressly posting this. My younger brother passed away at the age of 7 days. After his passing a panel of doctors determined that his passing was either from Zellweger's Syndrome or \"idiopathic congenital cirrhosis\". This was in 1982 and the doctor's had mixed diagnoses regarding his passing as to whether it was Zellweger's or not. My first cousin is 12 weeks with child and I have asked her to have tests done (I'm not sure at what point in pregnancy tests for reviewing Zellweger's can be done as I'm not a medical professional) as I've heard this can be recessive and carried through genes. I know that tests can be done to review for this though although little treatment is available at this time (unfortunately, this doesn't seem to have changed much since my brother's passing). It's better to check to be on the safe side in knowing beforehand if possible though.\n\nWhat I'm curious about is that since this was my brother who passed from this is it something I should be overly concerned about if I was to consider having a child? With having a brother who passed from Zellweger's is there a high probability or major concern I should have with having a child who may have Zellweger's or a Zellweger Spectrum Disorders? Are there any type of actions I can take to help ensure that this does not happen? Or, if the tests are done for reviewing if a unborn child may have this, is there anything that can be done? Finally, is it possible that I could be checked to see if I may carry Zellweger's as a recessive gene even prior to having a child? If I can what type of blood panel/etc. test should I inquire of my doctor to do for reviewing this? Likewise, I will pass this along to my cousin to have her review this as well since she is now at 12 weeks. \n\nThank you for your time in reading this. I am happy to provide any additional information that may be helpful. \n\n- Jason ", "answer": "If your brother had Zellwegger syndrome, which is autosomal recessive, then you know both your parents were carriers. You definitely don't have it, but you would have a 2/3 chance of being a carrier as well. But being a carrier doesn't have any risk to children you have unless the other parent is also a carrier, in which case you would have a 1/4 chance with each pregnancy of passing on Zellwegger syndrome.\n\nI am not expert in genetic testing or counseling, but I think the easiest testing would be for you, and it would be a specific test for one of the Zellwegger mutations. If you are, you would want to find out if your partner is. If both of you are, then there is risk in any pregnancy. If either one of you is a non\\-carrier then any child could at most him or herself be a carrier.\n\nYour cousin's risk is low but not zero. Again, your parent must be a carrier, which means that parent's sibling has a 50% chance of being a carrier, so any child has a 25% chance of being a carrier. (Slightly higher given the presence of a very low background rate of carriers, but it's easier to assume zero.) If the father of your cousin's child is not a carrier, again, it's moot. The risk is relatively low but much higher than for someone with no affected family members, and I believe that testing is available during pregnancy. But again, there's very easy and completely safe testing for either your cousin or her partner, and a high chance that those tests would rule out the baby having two Zellwegger alleles and the disease.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8qy0ox", "comment_id": "8qy0ox"}, {"question": "My son contracted herpes from me during birth killing him, but I was never tested during my pregnancy, so I never knew I was infected.", "description": "A year ago, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. 6 lbs and 7 oz. My water broke just before 37 weeks, but he seemed healthy enough that he did not require an extra time in the hospital. During my labor, I had to be induced because my body was not naturally progressing into labor further on its own. Well, they ended up giving me too much and my contractions were not ending. It was one long contraction that wasn't helping to push the baby out. So, they gave me another drug to slow my contractions. I was writhing in pain. I could not sit still or lie flat. Because I couldn't lie in a position to monitor my son's heartbeat, they put a fetal scalp monitor on him. They told me if I didnt get the fetal scalp monitor on, they would not give me an epidural or any pain relief, so we did the scalp monitor. \n\nAfter my son was born, he had an issue with jaundice. His level was at 14 at one point and he almost had to be hospitalized, but thankfully it resolved itself before that happened. A week later, a cluster of blisters appeared on his head around the area where the fetal monitor was placed. I had no idea why those were there and it scared me, so I immediately called the doctor and they told me to come in the next day. \n\nThe pediatrician did not recognize this condition and started to question me on how the wound got on his head. It was the nurse who asked me if he had the fetal monitor on his head. I was puzzled that the doctor did not recognize a mark left behind by a fetal scalp monitor, but i brushed it off. I was more concerned with finding out what was wrong with my son.\n\nShe took a sample of the infection on his scalp and prescribed an antibiotic. When we went to fill the prescription, the pharmacist refused to fill it because she had prescribed an antibiotic too strong for a newborn. The pharmacist called the pediatrician to ask why she prescribed an antibiotic that could not be given to a baby of this age. After that, the nurse called us and told us to come back in because of the error so that he could be treated for the infection. \n\nWhen I got there, the doctor explained that the medication she prescribed could not be administered, so she gave him a shot and prescribed another antibiotic that was safe for him. We also started putting an antibiotic ointment on his head as well. \n\nNeedless to say, none of this worked. My son began having seizures, so once again, we were back in the pediatricians office. I showed her the video I had taken of the twitching I observed because at that time, I was unaware they were seizures, but I knew they didn't seem normal. She immediately sent us to Riley Hospital. \n\nWithin a day, we were properly diagnosed with neonatal herpes simplex 2. He was immediately put on acyclovir and other medications to control seizures. A tube was placed in his throat to breathe for him. He steadily got worse and worse. Eventually, the virus caused him to acquire a condition called status epilepticus. His seizures were so severe that he was on several medications to control them and none could stop them. His brain waves were repressed so much that the only brain waves detected were seizures. \n\nI was given the worst news of my life. My son's brain was destroyed by the virus and he would likely not survive. If he did, he would never walk. He would never talk. He would never eat on his own. \n\nThe next day, they discovered several areas where the virus had created holes in his intestines. They asked me if we wanted to do a surgery to allow the bowel to drain outside of the body, because at this point, fecal matter was leaking into his body. The doctor warned us that he would probably not wake from the surgery. My boyfriend and I held each other and cried and cried and cried. \n\nWe knew we couldn't put him through anymore. We knew we had to let him go.\n\nMy questions are this. Why didn't the pediatrician know right away what was wrong? Had he been diagnosed in time, he would be alive. Also, why did my gynecologist not test me for herpes? I realize the CDC does not \"require\" it, but what would be so bad about testing for it knowing this could happen?\n\nAge: newborn Weight: 6 lbs 7 oz medications: none until Riley", "answer": "As often happens with posts that become popular, this is now filled with bad advice and irrelevant anecdotes. The good advice has been given, and I'm going to lock this.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "jyalph", "comment_id": "jyalph"}, {"question": "Leaving work early on Monday to go interview somewhere else. Advice?", "description": "I'm not sure if I should tell my boss why I'm leaving early. And if I do tell her, how do I handle it respectfully?", "answer": "What u/omgitskedwards stated.  It is none of their business what you are going to do.  But I will say this, if they do end up offering the job to you (and granted it is in the same field) give your current employer a chance to respond.  What I mean by that is tell them your intent to leave and go work the other job unless they can offer you something better than what your making now.  ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "46ivkb", "comment_id": "46ivkb"}, {"question": "How can I make my relation ship work when me and my GF have different political views?", "description": "It's becoming a problem and it's getting worse. I don't want politics to be our fall off (especially today's politics), but it seems that every time politics come up it ends in her not wanting to talk to me ", "answer": "different political view are different VALUES. if you care about YOUR values, and his are very different, the relationship can't work.VALUES are who we are. it's the strongest core feature of any relationship...firneds, lovers, spouses...you name it.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "66aar0", "comment_id": "66aar0"}, {"question": "Help Finding Resources", "description": "I will be honest I made this post without searching this forum first for similar posts and it'll probably get me some backlash but I'm at my wits end here and I just need help. My significant other is struggling with (self-diagnosed general anxiety/depression). She has signs similar to myself a few years ago when I was clinically diagnosed (ranging from intrusive thoughts, to suicidal tendencies and self harm) And I really want to get her the help she needs and deserves. I've tried being an ear to her and giving her advice and love and care but I don't think I personally can do enough.  I try to be a good friend and helper but I have too much respect for the field of mental health to try to even start suggesting things that may or may not be true to help her overcome her mind and disabling thoughts. \n\nI was going to say \"I think you have more control over your brain than you realize\" but I don't want to commit to that statement and everything that follows it, because I'm not a mental health professional and i realize that things that I say within that regard could just further confuse and frustrate her so I think what I would prefer to do is to see if i can find a therapist who might be able to help her get more in control of her thoughts and mental health. \n\nWe live in Illinois and for personal reasons she can't see her primary care doctor, in person, about this issue. So we've opted to finding and paying for a therapist out of pocket. However google doesn't yield very helpful results. So I wanted to know has anyone found any mental health doctors through some online resources that they can share? NOT the doctor themselves but an online resource that helps you find trained mental health physicians in your area that you can schedule meetings with that range from services like diagnoses to scheduled therapy sessions?\n\n​\n\nI knew of [BetterHelp.com](https://BetterHelp.com) but I heard that that service has way too many issues with it so I want to avoid that and find better alternatives.", "answer": "Hello! Therapist here \n\nCheck out some common mental health directories. Two of the most common are Psychology Today and Good Therapy. You can search by zip code for providers (do a few nearby) and can narrow down any specific traits you would like out of a therapist. Pick a few that you like and give em a call and see if they are taking new patients.\n\nIf you want to look into keeping costs down, you can also consider the Open Path Collective. It is a collection of mental health providers that agree to see a small portion of clients for low out of pocket costs. There's a process you go through to determine if she is eligible and there's a one time fee.", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "esvs4l", "comment_id": "esvs4l"}, {"question": "Im so damn happy", "description": "I am so grateful, I have recently gotten my own apartment in a city where it's very hard to find one, my life is going forward and I have my goals in life clearly set. I look forward to the future so much, much love to you all \u2764\ufe0f", "answer": "Congratulations! Best of luck! Glad you\u2019re taking time to acknowledge your success!", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "azhicc", "comment_id": "azhicc"}, {"question": "Type II", "description": "While I'm in agreement with the scope of posting here, I do find value in the observation of conditions relating to Type II personalities, the NPR, BPD, HPD, APD groups and the comorbidity occurrences. Having experienced trauma at the hands of some of these indiviuals, I ask, is some value found by any of you in the findings of psychology, versus it's practiction? Thoughts?", "answer": "Personality is a dubious concept. No one has fixed behavior in all contexts at all times. Behavior is complementary. The victimizer needs a victim and the victim roll isnt the least powerful position.", "topic": "Antipsychiatry", "post_id": "7gtp7i", "comment_id": "7gtp7i"}, {"question": "Question about brain MRIs", "description": "If you have a language issue with expressing and processing language, would the cause always be apparent from an MRI? For example, both a person with a brain injury and someone with autism can have this language issue. Would the \"damage\" or variation of the brain only show up in the scan of the person with the brain injury or can it also be seen in the scan of the person with autism? \n\nThank you! I hope my question makes sense.\n\n\n25, F, 5'6, 130 lb, white\n\n", "answer": "There's research into what differences visible on MRI show up in autism and a variety of other conditions, but nothing that's considered clear and diagnostic. Strokes or traumatic brain injury are easy to see. Autism and personality differences are not.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8gcvgf", "comment_id": "8gcvgf"}, {"question": "DAE feel like they don't recognize when people mistreat you because you assume you're just overreacting?", "description": "The other day at work, someone said something to me that I didn't really take personally, but I have a supervisor who's protective of me and she talked to him about it. Later she said to me, \"don't let that happen,\" I'm assuming to mean don't be a doormat and let people speak to you that way.\n\nBut I feel like I don't have a good grasp on what is and what isn't acceptable behavior from other people because I overreact and get very upset about the slightest things anyway. Can anyone else relate? How do I know what is and what isn't ok?", "answer": "Psychotherapist checking in: This is super common. \n\nThere\u2019s also a tendency to minimize positive appraisals from others. \n\nSo, it is assumed that others are very competent in observing and reporting negatives (or at deciding to treat people poorly when they deserve it), but the same people are naive idiots when giving positive feedback to the anxious person. \n\nWhen someone is anxious enough, their thoughts become incredibly paradoxical.  I like to shine a light on these paradoxes to help break a person\u2019s brain in just the right way to shut down the habitual negativity. \n\nYou can begin to tell the difference in fair and unfair treatment by getting to know the difference between the negative \u201cfilter\u201d you evaluate yourself through and the way you perceive others.   Then you can begin to imagine how you would treat others in your situation and give yourself the same courtesy.  It\u2019s somewhat simple, but takes LOTS of practice. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "75dyt4", "comment_id": "75dyt4"}, {"question": "15M My pee is smelling bad and Ive been losing weight", "description": "I smoke cigarettes, try to eat healthy, exercise 1-2 times a week.\nIm around 135 pounds 6 feet and ive been losing weight even if im hungry and thristy a lot. Ive already been tested for diabetes around november and it came back negative. Also since the begging of may ive been trying to eat healthier and just drinking water instead of diet pepsi and coffee. My pee started smelling bad around 1 week ago. I also get tired after I eat (but i think more than likey its cause of me eating fast and a lot)", "answer": "What does the urine smell like exactly? Do you know your weight changes in detail? What have you changed to your eating?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "gs9d0u", "comment_id": "gs9d0u"}, {"question": "\"Rock bottom\". Are you there yet, dear lurker? Or is this the wrong question?", "description": "Just an [article](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/carrie-armstrong/alcoholism-rock-bottom-myth_b_3422261.html) I came across. Thought it would be food for thought for some people around here. ", "answer": "In my recovery circle I don't hear rock bottom to often. I do hear bottom pretty regularly. Like the article said it's not quantifiable. Just like being an alcoholic isn't quantifiable. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "1gz9xk", "comment_id": "1gz9xk"}, {"question": "Going to the doctor with a diagnosis in mind.", "description": "I dont understand how I can go to a doctor with a diagnosis in mind. I need to talk about ADHD. In a [separate post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/3s9atn/i_am_not_stupid_please_please_believe_me/) I've outlined why I think ADHD might be the root of my problem. \n\nBut I know lots of people go to the doctors to try to get a prescription for study drugs or whatever. Heck, I tried my hardest (well, i was pretty honest i guess, actually...) to be dyslexic in front of an educational psychologist... But who wouldn't?! my university offered **free MacBooks** to dyslexic students plus all my college texts were paid for! I was experiencing problems, i just don't think it was dyslexia. \n\nAnyway, I suppose I'm scared I won't be taken seriously. My parents are a doctor and nurse. They hate it when people come in having already googled their ailment. They don't think a doctor should have anything to do with dyslexia... my mother doesn't know the first things about ADHD and she had been a nurse since the age of 19 when she started her training. When I was sick as a child, she didn't believe me. So i guess i'm just struggling with how I'm going to be taken seriously by a doctor without making it look like I'm trying to had to try 'get drugs' off them. Like when I was really sick but my mum just thought i was trying to get a day off school. I started questioning whether I was sick, or wither it was all in my head.\n\nI believe undiagnosed ADHD is ruining me, holding me back, and causing my depression. I have seen a psychologist before and i have been prescribed anti depressants before. but i was consumed by this idea that i could be telling them anything, i could lie and act through my teeth to get those meds, if that was my motivation. Which it isn't. Well it is, but I feel i have an actual need for the medication, its not like I want to recreationally use or sell adderoll. My mum believes the more you talk about something, the more you convince yourself you have it, the more you have it. I went to see a psychologist and burt into tears and told her I was depressed... She blamed the psychologist as the root of the depression, I shouldn't have 'opened a can of worms'.\n\nI can here her voice telling me 'lots of people can't concentrate honey, it doesn't mean you have to put a silly label on it.'\n-Im scared this is the attitude a doctor will have too.", "answer": "Go see a psychiatrist. Tell him or her, \"I think I have ADHD. These are the things I'm struggling with.\" Then ask for a referral to a therapist. Tell the therapist everything in this post.  ", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "3u2j0h", "comment_id": "3u2j0h"}, {"question": "it\u2019s so easy to forget that... bulimia isn\u2019t normal", "description": "like, sometimes i forget that constantly having the thought of puking ur meal up whenever u decide ur too full/it\u2019s too many calories in the bg isn\u2019t normal. i\u2019ll have streaks of 2 or 3 weeks where i\u2019m purge-free and then i\u2019ll get drunk and i\u2019m immediately like \u201cyeah but i can just purge this meal\u201d\n\nthat isn\u2019t normal!! this is your eating disorder talking!! recovery feels easy until you realise it\u2019s wormed its way into every part of your life, until you realise that shoving ur fingers down ur throat isn\u2019t normal. that purging isn\u2019t an undo button for everyone else and that there\u2019s a REASON for that.\n\n idk. i\u2019m just venting because relapsing is so easy and i want this to be Over but also bulimia is lowkey forever part of my life now and i don\u2019t even know how that happened. hey there!", "answer": "I just watched Miss Congeniality and there\u2019s a scene where they\u2019re talking about pizza and Gracie says \u201cdon\u2019t worry, she\u2019ll puke it up anyways\u201d and this is an acceptable answer for the group of girls. That hit me like a slap in the face\u2014 I watched this movie hundreds of times as a young teenager and always just accepted that that\u2019s just what you do when you are beautiful and this was normal adult behavior.\n\nPSA: It\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not glamorous and it won\u2019t make any of us beautiful.", "topic": "bulimia", "post_id": "ivg4v2", "comment_id": "ivg4v2"}, {"question": "I [26 M] messed up while chasing a girl I liked [22/F] for 5 months and I can't stop beating myself up", "description": "SORRY if this is long, but I wanted to give you the full details on my chase for her.\n\nI met this girl through a recreational sports league, thought she was cute....came across her profile by chance on tinder and to my surprise we matched and have exchanged numbers through it (she remembers me from the league). The girl has a background of dating 30+ year old guys due to the nature of her work (real estate).\n\n1. She was my type of girl, cute, ambitious, playful and into sports. I was very much infatuated with her at an early stage, as we texted everyday and talked on the phone, eventually I asked her out on a movie & dinner date which she said yes to, we had a great first date, followed by another amazing 2nd and 3rd date which we connected very well and had clear mutual attraction for each other. On our third date, it was valentines day so I surprised her with a flower, we had a dineout and after that I tried to hold her hand, but she resisted my advance, I didn't let that bother me because I heard from our mutual friends that she was a girl who wasn't \"easy\", so I was willing to be patient and put in the effort....despite the minor rejection she was still being very coupley to me after the dinner (wrapping us around with a scarf).\n\n2. Us going out on dates/hanging out went on for about another 2-3 months...during this time I was starting to run out of ideas of what to do and the things we did didn't exactly help me escalate to the next level....for example I was hoping to go to a pub/bar with her so we can both get some alcohol into the system and help facilitate some sexual tension....but due to scheduling conflicts that idea kind of faded to the side.\n\n3. After about 3 months, I decided to have the \"talk\" with her right before dropping her off after yet another date.....I confessed that I liked her (very obvious), and asked if she wanted to try officially dating and see how it goes.....her response to me at that time was that she liked me but did not reach the \"LOVE\" stage yet. This had me very puzzled and I felt very discouraged as I've always felt that LOVE was a word reserved for couples in relationship, and therefore I felt like she didn't like me that much, although in hindsight and from many friend's opinion it was her way of telling me to try harder. \n\n4. Because of this, this was kind of the first \"setback\" I had in my pursue of her....I became less enthusiastic in my texting to her, and she could sense that my timing was getting a bit more infrequent as well...we were planning to go gym together at this place she could get me free membership in....but after that incident I told her it's okay she doesn't have to get me permission to that place anymore...another display of my discouragement...and I could sense that she was a bit sad over this because her social media status was \"I know how to comfort people, but who will comfort me?\". Very quickly after, I realized I was being an idiot and I tried to set the pace back at where it was before (texting frequently again, setting up dates), but I definitely had guard a bit up since I know she wasn't fully into me.\n\n5. The second \"setback\" was one day she invited me to hangout with her friends at night when I had a long exhausting day with work/sports, and I politely denied it. Apparently she showed my picture to her female friends, and one of them was another girl that I matched with (but never met) a year ago. This prompted the girl I liked to ask if I was still on Tinder, I was put on the spot on the phone infront of her friends and it was very embarassing/awkward, and I hesitated and said YES (technically I was on since I didn't uninstall, but I wasn't swiping at all). After that things got REAL awkward because I thought she minded a lot, and I was upset because I felt like I was on the spot. I clarified to her that I ONLY liked her and I wasn't seeing/talking to other girls....she told me to calm down and said she didn't mind (she meant it). Because she told me she didn't mind, I felt very discouraged again, and I again slowed down with the texting for a few days because I was a little discouraged again...however our usual texting resumed and we even had another date where for the first time I got to hold her hands.\n\n6. Fast forward to her exam period (she was still a student), her texting evidentally became very cold....we had planned something and even had to cancel it since she said she was very stressed, the texting died down and I thought I'd give her a 1 week space since she was busy and thought when she's ready she would text me first....that NEVER happened, so I panicked and checked up with her in person and she told me convincingly that due to the nature of her work/school, she is LEGIT busy which was why she didn't really text and she was doing that to all her other friends too. That gave me a temporary relief, but as I got home I thought about how no matter how busy you are, you can always have time to text someone...\n\n7. I gave her another call after exams were over to schedule something..., and the phone call was good where I thought maybe it's okay if texting died....I mean people get tired of texting eventually right? So we went on our last date (unfortunately) to a night market type place.....I thought things were back to good again as we were holding hands and acting like a couple, and she even invited me to her graduation ceremony.....however after that date, she was cold to me again IN PERSON in the sports league....and then I heard from a mutual friend that days prior to it she brought a +1 to a wedding....I was devastated since I wasn't the one invited...I could not sleep the whole night, I had even bought my graduation gift for her already....so I decided to give her a call the next day to clarify the confusion and ask for real what she thought of us and even told her I felt very hurt getting hot and cold signals. \n\n8. She finally told me that she didn't feel a spark between us, and she really tried to, and said that it's just she never really had to courage to tell me off (hence I was left hanging), and when I told her that I put my best effort in, she sounded surprise and gave me examples to go above and beyond such as \"making surprise food deliveries for the girl when she says she's hungry\", or being able to say \"good night/morning for more than 3 months (typical guy length)\". She also told me I planned too much and things should be more spontaneous (I did so because I respected her time) I was dumbfounded and I could not stop beating myself up at that point.\n\n9. As far as surprises went, I thought I did a good job? I bought her flower for V-day, I bought her cough candy and gave it to her when I knew she was sick, and I also bought her favourite snacks to help her de-stress during exam periods.\n\n10. Even after her speech, I decided to take the high road and wanted to give her this Graduation Teddy bear I bought for her in person as kind of like a one last farewell (had no expectations of changing her mind)...and SHE SHOWS UP with another guy behind her....I was so choked I just said congrats and PTFO and was crying while driving back home. What's worse is that the guy behind her wasn't even the +1 guy she brought to the wedding.\n\nI have never been in a relationship before, so I really wanted to see this through as I really liked the girl and I'm in SO MUCH pain right now analyzing everything I could've done better.....the thought of her getting caressed by another guy enjoying emotional/physical intimacy is giving me sleepless nights......please ease my pain\n\n\n-----------------------------------------------------------\n**tl;dr**: Chased girl for 5 months, felt like I had a great chance, but missed some cues from her (to do certain things/try harder) and after having a serious talk she said she didn't feel a spark between us. I can't stop beating myself up over how if I did those checklist items I probably could've ignited those sparks along the way. The literal thought of her getting caressed by another dude is KILLING me.", "answer": "Did you guys ever make out?  Have sex?\n\nThis narrative sounds like you went on several dates and never kissed her. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6edhi5", "comment_id": "6edhi5"}, {"question": "How can I get my insurance to cover more sessions?", "description": "I tried to post this to /r/AskReddit; but I guess asking for help with mental health issues gets you bounced. (Rule 2). \n\nAnyone have any luck getting more sessions out of their insurance company? (Kaiser in particular) My shrink just told me we are running out of covered sessions....", "answer": "One way to think about it is that there are two types of insurance systems in the USA: managed care and medical necessity.  Original Medicare (types a and b) and some medicaid programs are medical necessity which typically means that so long as your doctor certifies that the care is needed to support your health it can continue to be funded.  Managed care is more about requiring authorizations for periods of care which need to be justified each time they expire in order to continue.  They make their profits by denying care essentially.  Your problem is that you (or your employer) have purchased the wrong type of insurance.  People do this because managed care plans are typically cheaper (because they offer less robust coverage) and many people don't see the value in a medical necessity plan until they get shit on by their insurer.  Even then, the complexity of insurance  plans is so great that ordinary people just won't understand how to evaluate which plan is a better fit for your needs.  Tl/Dr: if you have a chronic condition, get yourself a medical necessity based health plan.  If you plan to be healthy then managed care might be for you since it is likely to be cheaper.", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "4ux6sq", "comment_id": "4ux6sq"}, {"question": "I finally call to set up an appointment with a therapist and the front desk person kept laughing at me", "description": "So I finally called for an appointment for a therapist for the first time by myself. It took me 4 weeks to get ready to and was overwhelming but I finally did it. The only problem is... It sounded like the the person at the front desk was laughing at me. I felt humiliated a bit. When she was asking questions I kind of screwed up on answering some of them like my own address and after I had corrected myself she started laughing and it wasn't like a nervous laugh for me it was a full blown out laugh.\n\nIt blew my confidence I set up going into finally calling down the drain because of that I started stumbling on other questions more and everytime I would mess up or say sorry or correct myself she would burst out laughing and it didn't help at one point it felt like she was whispering at one point to someone while I was looking for my insurance information and she also couldn't tell if I was female or male. I sound like a male over the phone and I know that but it was embarrassing. \n\nI know I shouldn't be worrying as much because she's the front desk person but it was just rude and I felt like I didn't say anything that was worth laughing at. I had questions to ask her but I forgot because I was thinking to much into why she was laughing. I'm feeling really anxious to go now and I don't want her to be the reason I don't show up either. I feel like this is what's it going to be like talking to the therapist. He might laugh at me as well or in the inside. I don't know but could be the way I talk so now I'm self conscious again. I really hate all of this.. ", "answer": "Why are 90% of the responses here invalidating and condescending and most of all excusing the unprofessional professional. I'd let an employee do this just nonce. The first time they laughed at a potential client I'd let them go. It's because of exactly this situation where you can't control how someone takes it but you know that the person calling is struggling just to make the call. \n\nI hope you are able to make the appointment and that you can get what you need from the therapist. I completely believe that the assistant was being insensitive and judgemental. Excusing it makes it seem like this couldn't happen and it's just your fault for overreacting. That's BS. Anxiety, especially social anxiety thrives on this exact dynamic where many people are just not that nice and the anxiety knows this and worries about it. \n\nSo maybe go maybe call another place. You have to obligation to follow through if they were insulting. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "6k9zq4", "comment_id": "6k9zq4"}, {"question": "Is there any way to tell your therapist that you\u2019re suicidal without being sent to the hospital?", "description": "With everything that\u2019s been going on in my life recently (covid and lots and lots of personal stuff) I\u2019ve been suicidal but I really doubt that I\u2019m ever going to act on it. I don\u2019t want to hurt my family and give them one more thing to have to deal with, and I\u2019m absolutely terrified of failing and being sent back to a psych hospital. \n\nWith that being said, is there any way for me to tell my therapist that without her sending me to a hospital? I was already in one once and it didn\u2019t help at all, it was traumatizing because I was there against my will (and would be this time too if she sent me, I\u2019m assuming), it didn\u2019t help, and the only outcome that I got from it is that I\u2019ve been too AFRAID to attempt in fear of being sent back there in case I fail\n\nBasically my problem is that because I\u2019m afraid of my therapist sending me to the hospital, it\u2019s limiting what I can talk to her about, and it\u2019s things that I really want to talk about. Plus because of my current situation, I can\u2019t go to the hospital because I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d be able to finish my school work and I\u2019m supposed to be graduating this semester \n\nTo;dr if I explain to my therapist that I\u2019m suicidal but feel like I\u2019m VERY unlikely to attempt, and that I\u2019m VERY afraid of being sent to the hospital for multiple reasons, will she have to send me? Not being able to tell her is limiting things that I would like to talk to her about\n\n\nedit: I don't have the energy to respond to everyone individually, but thank you all. Everyone had valuable things to say that made me realize that telling her is the best option, and I am going to do so at our next session. Thank you all", "answer": "Note that I am a therapist but I am not YOUR therapist and the accuracy of my advice may vary based on where you are located, as well as the training, ethical code, and clinical judgement of your specific therapist. YOUR therapist knows a lot more about this than I do, and I can't provide psychological help over reddit. \n\nFWIW, my experience is that clients fear that I am MUCH more likely to involuntarily hospitalize them than I actually am. \n\nHowever, I always feel cautious about giving specifics for OTHER therapists because I do not know where you are, how your therapist is licensed, or how your therapist interprets their ethical and legal obligations. \n\nWith that said, I will note that suicidal ideation is very common. If we hospitalized everyone who thought about killing themselves, we would be hospitalizing a truly absurd number of people. (In fact, FWIW, I would be hospitalized.) \n\nIn my clinic, involuntary hospitalization would look something like, \"I have a specific plan to kill myself that I intend to carry out and I refuse to safety plan with you.\"\n\nI strongly encourage you to ask your therapists about this. For example, in your shoes, I might say something like, \"I remember you saying that one reason you might break confidentiality is if I pose a serious threat to myself. I am wondering if you can give me some more information about that. How does this clinic define this?\"\n\nIf you give your therapist information about suicidal thoughts, your therapist probably WILL ask you a bunch of questions to assess risk, such as asking if you have a gun in the house. This doesn't mean that they are trying to institutionalize you, but just that they are trying to figure out what sorts of things might need to be included on a safety plan if you end up making one. (And to make sure that they are documenting what they need to document.)\n\nThere may also be some additional considerations if you are under the age of 18.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "fwq80o", "comment_id": "fwq80o"}, {"question": "I am humiliated. Ashamed. Full of guilt.", "description": "I made it 55 days. Longest I\u2019ve gone other than while pregnant. \nIt\u2019s been difficult and satisfying. \nI threw it all away this weekend. Had a date night with my husband Saturday and decided I was going to have wine with our dinner. Before we left we had some champagne, like a welcome back toast! My son over heard me say I was going to have a drink and said: \u201cMom don\u2019t lose your time, you\u2019ve done so well!\u201d I told him not to worry and everything will be fine. This was earlier in the day.\nIn my mind I rationalized that if I choose to drink I just won\u2019t do it in front of my kids. Saturday was not a disaster. Sunday.... oh, \u201cSunday Funday!\u201d Not so Funday. \nGot started at brunch and had a bunch of drinks. Bloody Mary, Champagne and several beers. Go hard or go home - right!?\nWe end up at a friends house and I open a bottle of wine from Vietnam. This \u201cwine\u201d packs a good punch. Fast forward a few hours and we\u2019re all at the pool. Next thing I know I\u2019m waking up at 4 am full of anxiety with no idea how I got home. \nTurns out I got extremely hammered and started to fall asleep at the pool. My husband got me home and I went to use the restroom. My daughter had to go tell my husband that mommy is asleep in the restroom and I can\u2019t wake her up. My son is also a witness to all of this. \nI don\u2019t remember the pool. I don\u2019t remember coming home and I completely let my family down.  I feel so shitty - emotionally - that I could not face going to work today. \nCan\u2019t face my family. Made up a story that my daughter believes about getting food poisoning, but my son knows. My husband has tried to assure me that he got me home before too much damage was done at the pool. \nCrazy thing is my mom is telling me that we all make mistakes. Don\u2019t beat myself up and NEXT time don\u2019t drink as much. \nAll my family and friends drink, which makes staying sober more challenging. I know only I can choose to drink. \nresetting the clock to day 1.\nIWNDWYT\n\n\n\nEdit: Thank you to everyone that has taken their time to post advice and uplifting comments. It\u2019s been a struggle today, but I know I\u2019m not alone. This happens to the best of us. Reading your comments has made a positive impact on my day.\n\n\nEdit 2: \nY\u2019all are amazing. I turned my phone off last night and checked out early. Woke up to so many comments. I\u2019ll try to respond to everyone. Currently at work. Day 2 and I\u2019m already feeling better.\nIWNDWYT", "answer": "Sometimes we lose the choice in drink actually. Alcoholism is powerful as hell. No matter how bad we want to sometimes it\u2019s not enough. I need AA and the steps to stay sober myself. Only thing that has worked in the past. I am struggling myself, so I feel your pain. Hope things get better. Learn from it, but please don\u2019t beat yourself up too badly. That only makes for more drinking to get rid of that feeling as well", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "bz1g0e", "comment_id": "bz1g0e"}, {"question": "I hate that feeling of uncomfortableness that people with adhd get somedays", "description": "Anyone else ever just feel like they just don\u2019t want to to talk to anybody? Either at school or at work, does any else just have those days, even when your usually pretty talkative, that you just don\u2019t feel like talking to anyone?", "answer": "Not so much talking but paying attention. If I'm overloaded, I just want to sit and mindlessly scroll Reddit or do crosswords and say nothing to anyone at all.", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "ewds7m", "comment_id": "ewds7m"}, {"question": "If I tell my therapist I'll probably kill myself in a month will they commit me?", "description": "I don't really have a definitive plan to kill myself but if I don't start seeing results or something changing soon I don't think I'll be able to make it much longer than a month. If I tell this to my therapist can she commit me?", "answer": "There are some variations based on where you are and the license of your therapist. I can only involuntarily commit someone who has imminent threat of harm. A month away is not imminent,  you don't have a plan, and asking for help indicates your perspective plan is flexible. \n\nNow,  a therapist may ask you to safety plan or make an agreement.  For example,  if you told me you were considering killing yourself in a month, and then disappeared,  I would be very worried. A check-in safety plan may be in order.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "huv7ta", "comment_id": "huv7ta"}, {"question": "I'm psychotic", "description": "I look for signs of those that I know everywhere here\n\nI feel their presence through a post, photo, or comment of some sort that seems familiar. How many strangers have I crept through their comment history because they have three pages of comments that wouldn't be out of place coming from him... And I know it's because I miss him. Or because that person writes like she would, with an air of gothly poetry. Feeling like words are directed towards me because I feel bad about how I handled that.\n\nRealizing the severity of my (literal) brain damage even more, not just from the drugs and overheating but from that time, forgot all about, smacked myself so many times in the forehead i had a concussion and an aura, I think probably a seizure... I don't know what to think ever on that. I don't think I have had seizures... I feel like I was faking them all, or is that still just the self doubt that he poisioned me with so heavily, making me question every second of every inch of every breath of my reality\n\nits been x months. im so paranoid still i fear giving the number for fear of identifying me. lol. what a fucking wimp i am. i could barely use the internet for months. i just now started using my actual laptop again instead of my phone. i was so afraid of him popping up somewhere. of some spyware that i wouldnt be able to find.\n\ni know its all a fucking game im playing with myself really and so why do i go along with it\n\ni wasnt joking with the title folks. \n\nas i was saying... (so fucking frustrating, always getting sidetracked)\n\nrealizing the severity of the damage. learning i need to understand that life isnt going to be as easy for me as it once was in certain ways. \n\nso much effort to even follow through with this post, motivation nearing 0 as i see the garbage piling up in front of me. i used to be such a good writer. i used to be intelligent.\n\ni wanted it this way. it was a self fulfilling prophecy...\n\nthe id that is of me is in constant overdrive (but true since birth?) and minor ego death is what this vessel eats for breakfast\n\nhow many years have i known of freud, how many times have i discussed his model of the psyche... fucking this really is brain damage. i gave in to google after 2 mins when i used to kno de wey. well im no fucking ugandan anymore. \n\ni've cried so much today now. i havent cried in a long time. i guess im gearing up for a manic phase, which i'll need the energy anyways for the shit i've got to do these next few weeks... \n\n6 minutes ago i posted this and now im just here laughing over my obsessive thinking of a meal i had today. it was so good. it was like literally the most beautiful red i've ever seen, the most spiritual tikka masala i've eaten", "answer": "I hope you are getting help if it is causing you this much distress. You don\u2019t have to live in fear. ", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7owcme", "comment_id": "7owcme"}, {"question": "One of my friends is convinced that life is not worth living in and has started planning his suicide.", "description": "Hi Reddit,\n\nI don't know where to ask for advice, but as I said in the title, he's really convinced that nothing is worth anything and nothing seems to be enough for him anymore, therefore he's started to plan his suicide, which he wants done before new year's.\n\nAnother friend was the one to actually tell me about this decision, and what deeply saddens and alarms me is how serious he is this time around. He has been taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills but I don't think they're working anymore.\n\nWhat do you think should I do to change his mind? I dunno what to do. He has heard us tell him over and over again in the past that he's worth it and other positive reinforcements we could think of, but I'm afraid if we say that again, he won't listen anymore. \n\nPlease help me out Reddit. Thank you.", "answer": "Tell some adult you trust. This person may be furious at you for it right now but will thank you later. Text 741741 or use a suicide hotline. If you\u2019re really really worried they are in immediate danger call 911. They need to get to hospital for emergency mental health care. ", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "7ahazd", "comment_id": "7ahazd"}, {"question": "ADHD and password resetting", "description": "Don't get me started, how do normal people even remember 50 different passwords? \n\nOr does everyone use \"Macaroni79\" for everything they use? LOL", "answer": "The worst is when you can't remember your password, try multiple times, click forgot password, put a new one in then it says \"you can't use the same password as what is already set.\" FUCKING WHAT!?!?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "jgezaa", "comment_id": "jgezaa"}, {"question": "I'm [28/f] who's getting frustrated and pent up because boyfriend [28/m] is fighting depression. Need advice please", "description": "We've been together for over four years now and I know that he's been going through a lot of tough times within the last year. From parents getting divorced to troubles with getting his degree to ending up in unfulfilling jobs, his troubles have wrapped him in a tough bout of depression that he's trying to get help for. He's taking medication for about four months now and we've seen some improvements, although he still has a lot of problems to still fix and I'm always supportive in whatever steps he wants to take in order to make himself happy. From quitting jobs for better opportunities to getting instruments so that he could play music as a form of creative release. Whatever he needed, I've been totally there for him. \n\nWe lived together for a year under his parents roof until his parents decided to sell the house and finalize their divorce. At that point the logical choice was to move in together. We had been together for three years prior and while in the house we had been romantic, but respectful. We had our sexy nights, but we weren't romping around like rabbits. Anyways, when we got into our new place this all changed.\n\nIn the year that we've been in our new apartment, we've maybe had sex a handful of times. I want to blame it on all of the anxiety and stresses of work family and his desire to finish college. I understand that his medication does have the potential to reduce sexual drive. I also understand that depression is also a very crippling condition that can alter ones ability to \"get in the mood\". But it's been six months now, and I'm at my whits end. I have tried talking to him about my desires, my needs and when I do I'm met with almost condescension. He teases me, saying \"oh, you're just horny\" As if it's just a passing feeling that I can just toss aside. \n\nHe's making me feel bad for even asking, like I'm pressuring him to do something that he can't mentally validate. Which doesn't make sense that our coupling is a problem now when he had no problem with it before. I asked if he even wanted me anymore, if he even was attracted to me and he says that he is. And its getting to the point that I have a hard time believing him. I've told him not to idly touch me anymore, because I'm so sexually pent up that it hurts to get my hopes up when it doesn't amount to anything. \n\nI don't want him to do something he's obviously having conflict with, but at the same time I'm left here hanging. Ya, his feelings are being addressed, but what about mine?\n\nThe worst part is that I wish that I didn't have to bother him with my needs. I wish my body wasn't drawn to his. I wish I could turn it off, because it seems to only cause us this tension that is quickly filling with heartbreak. \n\nSo what should I do about this? I'm a loyal creature, so I'd never dream of cheating on him and I don't fancy just washing my hands of him in favor of some other guy. I want to help him get better, but I also want him to understand that our relationship isn't just about him getting what he can out of it. I need a little more from him than a peck on the cheek.\n\ntl;dr Long term relationship, girl not getting any and boy fighting depression. \n\n", "answer": "He needs a therapist. When his depression resolves, hopefully the rel. will become what you hope it has the potential to be.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5q0txy", "comment_id": "5q0txy"}, {"question": "\"stuck\" or \"slipping gears\" feeling when off meds", "description": "I wondered if anyone else had the problem with feeling obsessed to the point of discomfort with some topic when unmedicated? Either in the case of something particularly interesting or something stressful, like you can't transition off of the topic and like your wheels are spinning trying to get traction in order to do so?", "answer": "Yes. My most recent phase was bear attacks. Reading stories/news articles about them mostly, but also learning statistics about it, ways to survive, etc. I was stuck on it for maybe two months and felt compelled to google bear attacks whenever I was on my phone, sometimes reading particularly disturbing accounts over and over. \n\nI have had other even more unpleasant obsessions. They\u2019re almost always morbid and disturbing (I have a lot of anxiety about death), and as a function of this tendency, I now have knowledge of some truly awful things that I can\u2019t ever un-know. It\u2019s really frustrating because once I get something like that in my head, it\u2019s like an itch I have to scratch. \n\nAnyway, today was my first ever day on meds so here\u2019s hoping these kinds of issues are less of a thing going forward. You said you have this feeling when you\u2019re off meds so would you say the meds are a pretty big help for this issue for you personally?", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a60yor", "comment_id": "a60yor"}, {"question": "DAE spend days confused about how you feel?", "description": "This might just be a new flavor of depression, but does anyone else have trouble discerning emotion for days at a time? I\u2019m noticing this issue because I was hypomanic for a while, and I\u2019ve been tracking my moods. Lately, I can\u2019t pinpoint how I feel well enough to report anything. I have no idea how I feel. Should I work on accepting this? Or are there some ways to get back in touch with my feelings? ", "answer": "Like every day\n\nBut it gets better with structure and self care  and consistency ", "topic": "BPD", "post_id": "9dcj85", "comment_id": "9dcj85"}, {"question": "Anxiety from people not listening to what you have to say?", "description": "Just to start, I do have diagnosed OCD.\n\nBut does this come with the package? Getting anxiety from people not letting you explain your situation on anything? And then when they still hold off you still have that urge to set things straight that brings on a bunch of anxiety.", "answer": "Where's the fear? Whats so bad about people not listening to you?\n", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "580ool", "comment_id": "580ool"}, {"question": "[17/F] Giving second chances in a relationship to my boyfriend [19/M]", "description": "My boyfriend and I have had the same issue since we started dating 9 months ago, he never calls me beautiful, or makes me feel special or loved, I have anxiety so this makes me convinced that he doesn't think or feel any of these things despite him telling me (and me not really believing him due to nothing really backing this up from really any of the 5 languages of love apart from quality time)\n\nWhen I am by myself I know I am beautiful and have confidence in that but because he never tells me i'm beautiful or proves he thinks it in any other way I am stripped of that when texting him or seeing him in real life. It's not me having a lack of confidence in my look but me being devastated over someone that I love so much not having mutual feelings.\n\nI want to give him a serious second chance and if he doesn't make an effort to improve this time it will have to be the end of our relationship as I just can't be in a with someone that makes me feel ugly and unwanted when I'm around them. It's really not too much to ask of a significant other to make one happy, special and beautiful, instead I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel lonely and unloved by him. I need him to actually understand that I really need affection in a relationship this time or we will have to break up, not just acting better straight after I have confronted him about the ongoing issue. I have confronted him about this almost countless times now but he never takes it seriously, I think mostly because he knows he's not going to lose me and I'll continue to feel like crap or that it's not that serious.\n\nWhen I confront him about this issue I need him to know that this is his very last chance and if he isn't willing to compromise I'll have to break up with him and get what I so desperately need in a relationship from someone else that will understand my needs and care for them. I need help effectively carrying my point across to him and hope he understands. I can't do it on my own.\n\nTl;dr I feel crappy and ugly because my boyfriend never shows his attraction to me, I want to effectively carry across my point for the very last time that affection is needed or I will have to seek it elsewhere.\n\n\n", "answer": "if he hasn't given you what you need by now, he likely never will", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "68lpkz", "comment_id": "68lpkz"}, {"question": "Lending Money...", "description": "I need your opinion, I gave my cousin money($25) and I would remind him whenever the conversation of money came up(once every 1-2 months) its been almost a year. The last time I spoke to him he was talking about saving money for a car and I asked for the money and he thinks I'm greedy even though I need the money now...\n\nHe hasn't spoken to me for a month now and I just want to know who's in the wrong and what to do to fix the situation.\n\nEdit: I told him he doesn't have to pay me back and he still doesn't want to talk because, \"All I think about is money.\"", "answer": "If you've reminded him every 1-2 months and he still hasn't returned the money, he probably is not ever planning on paying you back. Theoretically you could try to talk to your aunt/uncle and have them force him to give it back, but that would probably damage your relationship with him.\n\nInstead, I think you should probably just chalk it down to a learning experience, and decide that you won't lend people money unless you are okay if they never pay you back.", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3a43qv", "comment_id": "3a43qv"}, {"question": "Is Facebook a killer? (Need advice)", "description": "Hey, Reddit. I need your help here (a bit long):\n\ntwo weeks ago I (f,30) went out with my husband (m,29) to a pub to celebrate his birthday together with some friends. We are both living in a different town, away from any relatives (we just decide to try our lives anew, no family problems) just relying on each other.\n\nSo, back to the pub, one of my friends (who is also my coworker) decided to invite some friends of hers (Okay, no problem), but when we got there, there was that girl (named Nat\u00e1lia (f,23). We got to know each other, my husband included, we take a seat and start having a good time, playing cards and drinking a bit. \n\nMy husband drunk some beers and start talking to me about the people he sees around, about the girls and all (in which I see no problem because the place was full of beautiful people anyway, and he always tells me openly when he finds someone attractive, making remarks about what he thinks it's hot about them. I take no offense 'cause I am also his friend and I appreciate when people are open). \n\nI was okay 'till he started speaking about Nat\u00e1lia (something about awesome legs and butt, and how she looked like his first GF). Well, I won't lie I felt a bit uncomfortable, since she was so close, but I got my mind out of it, 'cause even I found her beautiful too and we were all having a good time.\n\nThe problem is: one day after the party, my dear friend sent my husband a FB friendship request (which he accepted, okay) and tagged him in a pic we took at the party. Nat\u00e1lia's in the pic, she liked it and my husband, suddenly decided to add her (and he does not even know her that well) and the others in the pic.   \n\nResuming: since then, he checks her profile every single day (reading status, looking at pics), which I know because I snooped through his account. Yesterday, it was her birthday and he even replied her status with a funny pic. He doesn't check the other girls status or even my friend. Just Nat\u00e1lia, but, I have to be fair and say she isn't trying anything.\n\nThat is becoming quite annoying and when I asked him a couple of days ago if he had a crush on her, he denied and laughed, but he still keeps checking her page.\n\nWhat to do? \n\nEDIT: First, thanks for all the replies and the kindness of reading. Second, Just an honest question: in what extent can FB be damaging to relationships? Maybe in the extent we give it, but we never know...\n\nTL;DR: Husband checks my friend's female friend FB page everyday and it's becoming annoying. I need advice.", "answer": "I felt compelled to respond to this for some reason...\n\nFirst off, you sound like a really cool wife.  I love your attitudes about honesty and being open.  It's refreshing and something that a lot of women (at least that I know) don't share.  All that said, you can't have it both ways.  If you're going to trust your husband completely, you have to trust him completely.  He obviously finds lots of other women attractive and you have given him implicit permission to express that.  If you start to pester him about this, you're likely to cause him to be less open and honest with you.  It sounds like he's harmlessly flirting right now and I would suggest you trust that he can control himself.  If you continue to check up after him, you'll just drive a wedge between you two and drive yourself crazy.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1pfqh7", "comment_id": "1pfqh7"}, {"question": "is socializing even that fun?", "description": "For a long time I have wished for more friends and be invited to events. But almost every time I actually get invited to something, I go, and I do not enjoy it very much. It is okay, but I start longing for time alone to spend with my hobbies. I find this strange, as I normally feel like friends is the one thing I miss in my life. I have considered that maybe I just have not clicked enough with anybody yet. Because I have a boyfriend, and I absolutely love spending time with him, even after a year together. I mean there must be a reason I love socializing with him but not other people. I guess it could be that with him, (and my family) I feel 100% relaxed and myself. Achieving that level of comfortableness with friends just seems difficult, maybe it is often required that you are childhood friends.\n\nThis also makes me realize the importance of actually making friends that are *good* for you. And to create relationships by being yourself. As a friendless person, I think it is easy to think that anyone will be good enough, if you just get one or a few friends, it would be amazing. But what if you do not feel you can be yourself around them? Then socializing will only drag you down mentally.\n\nSo basically I think that even if you have few friends, it is equally important for you to be picky as far as relationships goes. Do you agree? it is better to have no friends than friends with whom you do not feel comfortable?", "answer": "Being picky as far as relationships go all depends on how much time/energy you have and are willing to give to your relationships.  There's no right or wrong answer.  \n\n\nI don't think it's healthy or productive to complain about the lack of relationships but also be extremely picky or closed off to fostering new relationships.  \n\n\nHaving no friends vs having friends you feel uncomfortable with?  This is tricky.  I think it's important to differentiate between friends and friendly acquaintances.  Nobody generally starts out with a deep emotional connection and level of comfort with someone when they just start hanging out.  There is always going to be some level of discomfort when spending time with newer acquaintances.  If you shy away from many of these types of interactions due to not feeling comfortable, you're passing up the opportunity to have these relationships turn into comfortable friendships over time.  \n\n\nIf you're putting a wall up and waiting for people to come along who you will instantly feel completely comfortable with and feel the same type of bond you had with friends growing up or people you have known for a very long time, you'll be waiting by yourself forever.      ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "9aza8r", "comment_id": "9aza8r"}, {"question": "I utterly hate it when someone tells me that I am wrong. Not because I want to be right but because it makes me feel that I am an idiot or inadequate", "description": "I assume that everyone else wants to be right about something and I assume that everyone feels sad when they find out that they are wrong and my judgement tells me that the average person manages to accept it and get it over.\n\nBut good Lord, when I come to the realisation that I was wrong about something, whether it was a random thought or something that was carefully thought, I feel a deep anxiety and deep insecurity and eventually, I start to panic and cannot think at all, almost like I suddenly became an idiot or my IQ score dropped my 30 points. \n\nI am not sure why this happens to me and why I feel like I am personally attacked or feel like I am punched in the stomach when I find out that I was wrong about something \n\n*(my judgement tells me that either it is because I was raised in a semi-strict background with pushy parents where if you are not on the right, then you are definitely on the wrong; or because I am someone who always took school seriously and when school events are involved like exams or even a classroom interaction, if you posted the wrong answer or the wrong statement, then that means that you are definitely wrong and you get a lower score and in turn, that score affects your self-worth and self-confidence in your ability on whether you are able to think critically)*\n\nBut holy fucking God, the fucking of insecurity and despair and the ultimate feeling of self-betrayal and shame just feels like I am somehow struck by lightning and I feel like I am shocked from the inside and cannot move or think or feel. As if my own brain is hijacked", "answer": "Don\u2019t forget, sometimes people who say other people are wrong are wrong themselves. ", "topic": "Anxiety", "post_id": "7yz1nt", "comment_id": "7yz1nt"}, {"question": "I[19/m] invaded her[19/f] privacy,now what?", "description": "My girlfriend is active the whole time on social network,and posts stuff and all,but she wont message me for like 2 hours. \n\nAnd it happens often. \n\nAnd she usually texts her friend or someone but not me.\n\nBut this time i got so nervous.\n\nI got so nervous. \n\nAnd please check my last post so you will know what im talking about.About the guy.\n\nI just lost some trust in her.\n\nSo i did something horrible,i entered her messenger,and my message before 2 hours was the last one.\n\nThere was nothing new.\n\nI quickly logged out and all. \n\nBut i feel so dumb.And guilty.I shouldn't have done that and i know i never ever will.\n\nAny advice? thank you.\ntl;dr", "answer": "no need to tell. just don't do it again!!!!", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5u0iuh", "comment_id": "5u0iuh"}, {"question": "How TF do I deal with my OCD Health Anxiety when there is actually something messed up & painful?", "description": "I wouldn't say I'm a huge sufferer of health anxiety -- however, it has gotten me into quite a large predicament. I was hurting a bit from a nasty rear end accident years ago, my mid-back started clicking when I breathed deeply which really worried me, so I went and saw a chiropractor -- i didn't assess the risks, and even though my neck didn't hurt I had concerns that I possibly have a pinched nerve that was causing my shoulder pain. First time went fine, but I went a week later and... well, the adjustment to my neck went very, very wrong and actually CAUSED a bulged disc and pinched a nerve... and I am in a whole world of hurt. It's been 10 months now and hasn't let up. What's worse, is that I think the botched adjustment did some considerable damage to not only one disc or ligament, but several.\n\nNOW I've got real anxiety... and I'm just not sure how to cope. Shooting electric pains, far, far more worrisome than anything else I've ever dealt with... and knowing that my one and only neck has been damaged is killing me inside. Endless hundreds of hours of research on my condition... and knowing just how complex the spine is, is eating me alive.  It's all I think about... constantly feeling my neck and I am so, so worried about my current & future pain & suffering. The only option being thrown at me is epidural steroid injection (temporary relief with tissue damaging effects), and eventually fusion surgery. There's stem cells, prolotherapy etc... but everything involves needles & lots of poking... great.\n\nGoddammit -- I just don't feel like I have the mind that can really deal with these circumstances, and I feel so guilty for allowing this to happen.  Having trouble accepting it and moving on, but how can I when the pain is a constant reminder?  I find myself flirting with the idea that I can actually change the past and go back to my happy, post-accident life.  Feels like a literal nightmare.  Anyone seen Vanilla Sky?  I feel like that guy.", "answer": "First of all I\u2019m so sorry this happened to you. It\u2019s understandable your OCD is worse given a new stressor popping up. This is normal. It sounds like your anxiety is about imagining how you\u2019ll be able to cope and feeling like you can\u2019t. I encourage you to be kind and gentle with yourself getting used to your new normal while working toward acceptance. My guess is that as you adjust there may be a lot of stressful changes but that you will figure out a way to cope.", "topic": "OCD", "post_id": "h7pcju", "comment_id": "h7pcju"}, {"question": "Am I racist?", "description": "Ok, I am genuinely looking to be educated.\n\nI was on FB (I know...) and came across a post in a group called \"Expose Racists 2020\" and a woman made a post about how using White Sage to smudge or cleanse in your home is racist because it is originally used by indigenous Native Americans. \n\nSo, i'm white. My mom was always kind of a free spirit/hippie type and as far back as I can ever remember, she would smudge our home, and us. I was raised to believe that it's a way to remove negative energies and make room for more positive. \n\nSo that being said, as I got older (27f) I have always kept sage around, and often burn it to smudge my home. \n\nI don't want to be insensitive, and I want to know by continuing to sage my home, I am not being culturally disrespectful. \n\nAm I missing something important? I know a LOT of white people, especially my festie friends and my hippie homies, that use it daily. \n\nEducate meeee. Thanks!", "answer": "I don't think you're going to get a good unbiased answer here. There are many things that we do that carry internal biases, that seem normal. But how do you know that's not the bias talking? The only people who can determine if its disrespectful are the people who, in theory, might be disrespected by it.\n\nI would encourage you to do your own research on the actual history of sage burning. Specifically, seek out opinions of indigenous people on this topic.\n\nPeople, especially white people, have a long history of taking sacred traditions from Native people and turning them into more lighthearted or commercialized practices with no understanding of where they came from or why they're important, often cheapening them in the process. I think the LEAST you can do is educate yourself on the origins of the practice.", "topic": "Advice", "post_id": "helroo", "comment_id": "helroo"}, {"question": "I'm [21,f] insecure and don't think relationships last - I think this thinking might affect my relationship with my bf [21,m] in the long run?", "description": "Hi everyone,\nI recently started dating a guy [21,m] who I had previously had a thing with, but it ended due to me not wanting to be in a relationship as I believed that relationships don't last (had just gotten out of a 2 year controlling relationship before this). \n\nA year and a bit later, I realised that I was still in love with him and we started dating recently. Everytime we talk about other peoples' relationships, he'd say how they've been together forever and are probably going to get married to which I'd disagree with him. I have also expressed to him my fears of this relationship ending and how when it ends  I'm going to be a huge unrecoverable mess. I think this mindset is going to ruin our relationship as it seems like I have no faith in us. \n\nI'm head over heels for him and I do want to stay with him forever and I do want to marry him (which I have not told him yet as its too early in the relationship and didn't want to scare him off) but this thought is always nagging me. It's not helping that I see friends in 5+ year relationships suddenly breaking up and becoming strangers again - this simply reinforces my belief that relationships never last at this age. \n\nI think it might just be insecure me trying to prepare for the worst and minimise the damage/pain it will cause if it actually does ever end? Has anyone been through this and found a way to find reassurance or to think positively? I am tired of being worried and insecure about this relationship that I really want to last. \n\ntldr; I believe that nothing lasts forever and that all relationships will come to an end. I want to stay with him forever, but this is always at the back of my mind. Anyone else been through this and found a way to remove this mindset or to work through it? ", "answer": "the future is unknowable. every choice in life is based on the evidence at hand. make good choices, and the future usually takes care of itself.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6701jm", "comment_id": "6701jm"}, {"question": "Any tips on how not to lose keycards?", "description": "**TL;DR:** I have a keycard that I use several times a day, but it doesn\u2019t have any holes in it, so I can\u2019t easily attach it to a lanyard. Do any of you have any tips on how I can secure it to my person somehow so that I avoid losing it while still having easy access to it? Alternatively, can you recommend any card holders or something? \n\nOkay, I\u2019m just gonna ramble a bit now because I need to vent a bit, too. \n\nI almost lost it today because it fell out of the card holder on my phone. (One of those rubber stick-on card holder things.) I was talking on the phone while walking down the street. Spent 15 minutes frantically running around outside retracing my steps before I found it; thankfully, someone had placed it in a visible spot on a ledge. \n\nThe whole process was unpleasantly stressful, and I\u2019d rather avoid going through it again, if at all possible. \n\nIn the mean time, I\u2019m keeping it in my wallet, but I can easily see myself losing it again at some point by just throwing it into my pocket loose and then accidentally sending it flying later when I have to fetch something else from my pocket. (Unfortunately, I speak from experience.) Or I might drop it down the gap between the elevator and the floor while rummaging for my keys. I\u2019ve had some uncomfortably near misses but I\u2019m very bad at being careful about these things. \n\nThe card holder on my phone was great when it worked, because I always have my phone with me. But it was slightly broken, which I guess made it hold the card less tightly, and now I\u2019m wary of using another one.\n\nOf course, losing this keycard wouldn\u2019t be the end of the world, but the replacement process is annoying and in the mean time I would be locked out of the building, which would probably end up happening at the most inconvenient time possible. In fact, if I\u2019d lost it today, I wouldn\u2019t\u2019ve been able to replace it until Wednesday because of the limited main office hours clashing with my schedule. \n\nAnyway, I\u2019d appreciate any advice/suggestions. I guess I could always just search this, but I also wanted to vent. Or feel free to commiserate if you have horror stories of losing or almost losing things, as I\u2019m sure we all do!", "answer": "My only thought, since it has no holes, is to get a plastic sleeve to put it in. You could then use it with a lanyard.  Keycards are one of those things that cannot be 100% \"loss\" proof. At my work, I have it on a belt clip with a retractable wire (mine has a whole in it however).  ", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "7sa21c", "comment_id": "7sa21c"}, {"question": "Can\u2019t sweat", "description": "This is not fake. I know it sound strange, but never in my life I have sweat. If anyone can tell me why, please do. Been like this my entire life\n\n15M\nEdit for more info:\nOk. First of all, I do t smoke, do drugs, I take 10mg of meletonin to help me with sleep problems. No aclcohal. No visible issues with with. I weigh about 130-150 (been a while sconce I checked, do not have a scale) I\u2019m 50-50 Irish and Porta Rican. No medical issues.", "answer": "Please be as detailed as possible in your submissions. The more information we have the more we can help. It is **mandatory** to include: age and sex (please write as [year][sex], e.g. 18M), height, weight, race, primary complaint, duration, any existing medical issues, current medications and doses, and whether you drink, smoke, and/or use recreational drugs. For all other visible issues, particularly dermatological, a photograph is not required, but always helpful.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "fgowlo", "comment_id": "fgowlo"}, {"question": "My day to day life is being interrupted by paranoia", "description": "I'm not diagnosed or anything but lately (ever since my house burned down) I've been very paranoid.  About everything.  I can't sleep at night anymore cause I'm up thinking about what could happen next that could ruin my life.  Like what if I my health got bad, or what if somebody broke in and killed me, what about a nuclear war, is the government watching me?, What about my loved ones what if something happens to them, what if I get robbed and shot at work, what if my house caught fire again, like these are just SOME of my daily thoughts and it's really had a toll on my mood.  I don't have insurance to see anybody about it and I'm just at a loss.  I know reasonably it's very unlikely for any of these things to happen but it's like one side of my brain is fighting againist my reasonable side and the unreasonable side always win.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to live in fear. ", "answer": "Some options:\n\n1. Meditation. \n2. Anti-anxiety meds. \n3. Talk therapy. \n4. Stop reading, watching or discussing the news. \n5. Stop smoking weed. \n6. Find a challenging hobby.\n7. Get a better job. ", "topic": "needadvice", "post_id": "7t2mmu", "comment_id": "7t2mmu"}, {"question": "Friday, 1st September 2017", "description": "A new month, New begging.\nTime for change, Better myself. \n\nI've been given a second chance, I'll take it. \nHead down, Work hard. \n\nFocus on good. \nFocus on myself. \nFocus on reaching my goals. \n\nI can and I will take control of this horrible life. \nI will become a better man, A new man. \n\n", "answer": "Love your motivation.  It's all about momentum!  Put in the work to get things moving, then keep picking up speed!  Good luck and happy September!\n\n-The Web Shrink", "topic": "depression", "post_id": "6xenf5", "comment_id": "6xenf5"}, {"question": "How do therapists repair relationships?", "description": "Let's say a wife and husband are having a difficult relationship and have many disagreements but choose to see a therapist to try to fix the relationship \n\nAt a high level, how would a therapist go about repairing that relationship?\n\nWould a therapist help the two see their commonalities/similarities and the strengthens in each other?\n\nAs a therapist, I would ask questions like why did you two fall in love, etc to invoke those strong memories", "answer": "This completely depends on the problem they are having . There is no one solution.", "topic": "askatherapist", "post_id": "g2sslj", "comment_id": "g2sslj"}, {"question": "Need practical advice on how I'm supposed to make a living and move out in this situation [21F]", "description": "My boyfriend (26) and I (21) (LDR - Europe) both have a hard time creating an income. We're still living in our parents' home (I live with my mom only), and we're living off the money our parents make. We don't make any money (apart from the occasional random euros). Both of us have tried a variety of ways to create an online income and even spent time creating online businesses that match our skills, but we're unable to turn this into something stable enough to make a living. Right now, we have absolutely no perspective on moving in together in our own (or rented, for that matter) home. :( It's just as if we were still kids or teens, but the frustrating thing is that we try very hard to be as financially independent as any adult!\n\nAnother problem is that we also haven't been able to find a local job in our respective home countries (as opposed to creating an internet business - which would be ideal). My boyfriend has a BSc, but unfortunately in a field where there aren't many jobs. I, on the other hand, don't have anything but a high school degree. This has to do with the fact that I suffered from a very turbulent youth with a lot of social and emotional issues. I also don't have any job experience because of that, apart from the time I spent on my own, not-so-fruitful online projects. Now I am double punished with a very low chance of finding a job! I already applied a number of times over the years (when I really liked the job), but was never lucky enough to get chosen.\n\nMy boyfriend and I are both extremely picky with the kind of job we would 'accept'. This is not because we have no goodwill, but (I can only speak for myself now) I am a porous and highly sensitive person. I either thrive in an environment or I'm out of balance and all my mental energy is absorbed. The warmth and friendliness of an atmosphere (or the lack of it) has a very absolute impact. With both my selectivity and lack of formal education / experience, I feel despair about the likelihood of ever being chosen for a job. What can I do about this? :( I don't want to come across as spoilt; I'm just not the average person...\n\nThen we ALSO have the country issue with work: We'd have to choose one country to live in together, and we're considering my boyfriend's country. I only have elementary knowledge of his native tongue, so finding a job there essentially gives me a chance of zero. With my emotional sensitivity, I'm not going to work in a factory or be a cleaner. I could probably only work from home in his country. But as what, what would be stable enough? I have an abundance of creative passions that I can imagine myself turning into a business (think Etsy), but it wouldn't be a predictable / stable source of income that we can blindly count on. Just some lucky extra money. So, in that case my boyfriend would have to work a full-time job to compromise financial stability. Although he says he would do that if it's indeed necessary, goodwill is still not equal to actually getting a job, and I don't know when he would start putting effort into that again... Well, even when he was actively applying, he never got chosen, and I'm afraid it would go on like that. (I'm not judging him here - only the state of the job market). For now, we're both trying to create an income with the Internet, even if it's unstable! So that we have at least something - if we succeed at all. I learnt a lot from my stupid mistakes in my earlier projects, now I just have to cultivate more persistence. I've kind of ran out of patience, so persistence is extremely challenging. I *involuntarily* want to see results very soon, which is kinda killing my success up to today... I (literally) can't afford these poorly planned approaches anymore, but I have to keep going on the Internet - what else can I do?! Anyway, what we want to see is ENOUGH stability to at least rent a (cheap) home, pay the bills and live a frugal existence. Is THAT too much to ask for...? I've always wanted to become a young mother, but right now I can't even imagine us earning enough to decide to try get pregnant. The freedom for such decisions seems divine to me! While others (most) are living it. :( (I don't mean getting kids in particular, but it's one good example where money is involved...)\n\nMy actual question is: Is there ANYTHING whatsoever we can do, if none of this works? What if we really find ourselves stuck for much longer? This vicious circle is driving me absolutely insane. I have desperate crying spells even while he's staying at my home, so it's obvious that the need for change is quite drastic. My boyfriend may be less upset than me, but it's not like he's tolerant anymore either. How can both of us be so unlucky? But really... Where could we move to without any substantial savings? We can't just find a place to live without having a job first. I really hope there's someone out there with a serious idea. I'm even thinking of doing agricultural work and renting a part of a farm, or something like that. Does anything like that exist? If only we could disappear from this society and enter a new civilisation... We got to have a realistic, feasible emergency plan.\n\nA sincere thank you for reading this rant!! (I might not have chosen the best subreddit to post this in.)", "answer": "Just get a job- ANY job, even if it feels like it's beneath you, or will drain you, or will be really miserable. I'm a very sensitive person, too, and have worked truly awful jobs. But a little job experience tends to open up slightly better jobs, and better, and better. I don't think I could have the great profession I have today if not for shitty low paying, humiliating jobs.\n\nDo your online stuff and craft stuff on your off time. ", "topic": "selfhelp", "post_id": "37sayr", "comment_id": "37sayr"}, {"question": "Meds without diagnosis. Is this normal?", "description": "I saw a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and after 30 mins she gave me a prescription for vraylar and told me to come back in a few weeks.\n\nIs this normal?  I feel lile she gave me meds too quickly. \n\nNote: I had been in the ER a month previously and given seroquel. I had talked to more people for longer while in the ER.", "answer": "If you were in the United States, you were given a diagnosis.  You may not have been told, but if you've ever seen a psychiatrist, therapist, social worker, or been to a hospital for psych reasons, etc. and used any type of health insurance for mental health you have been given a diagnosis.  \n\n\nIt's impossible to bill insurance for services without stating a mental health diagnosis.  You can always ask your provider for what it is the next you speak with them.  It's fairly common for diagnoses to be made and not discussed with patients unless they ask or there is some specific reason we find it helpful for them to know for their treatment.  \n\n\nMore info [here](http://thewebshrink.com/mental-health-diagnosis-what-you-need-to-know/)", "topic": "mentalhealth", "post_id": "8pam9l", "comment_id": "8pam9l"}, {"question": "Dear Aspies of Reddit, I am doing a lengthy research paper for my school on Asperger's Syndrome and am in need of your help!", "description": "Hello there! I hope I am not intruding as I hope to take up a few minutes of your time.\n\nAt the moment I am enrolled in my school Medical program and each student is to pick a Syndrome/Disease/Medical Condition to do a research paper on. My topic is \"How Does Aspreger's Syndrome Affect a Person's Social Life?\"\n\nMy research paper would be enhanced if I could do mini interviews with individuals that have the syndrome, which is the reasoning behind this post.\n\nReading on and on and learning from books about the Syndrome has it's limits. I would like to better understand those with Aspergers so if you do have time, would you answer the few questions I have?\n\n1. When were you diagnosed?\n\n2. Were you the one that realized you were different from others?\n\n3. How does it affect you personally?\n\n4. How does it affect your social life (i.e. communicating with others, relationships, gaming, etc...)?\n\n5. Is there any good that has come out of it?\n\n6. Anything else you would like to say?\n\n\nThank you in advance!", "answer": "1. Age 29 (I am now 31)\n2. People always thought I was weird, but I was the first to suspect autism\n3. I am uncertain of myself in social situations most of the time.  I worry about who I should disclose my diagnosis too, especially now that I am approaching graduate school and a more professional life.\nAlso, Asperger's Syndrome is becoming a trendy/hip diagnosis, so I feel stupid telling people about it.\n1. How does it affect your social life (i.e. communicating with others, relationships, gaming, etc...)?\nI am always afraid of saying the wrong thing, and sometimes I do.  I have very very few close relationships, even with my family.  There is only one person who I interact with daily.  As far as gaming goes, I love it.  It provides social interaction at a distance, so it is just right, and it satisfies my nerdy side (My two favorites are WoW and Dominion online)\n1. Is there any good that has come out of it?\nWell, like many with AS, my social ineptitude came with a high IQ, so that is a plus.  Having a diagnosis is great.  It allows me to be fairer to myself when looking at past failures.  I am also able to make realistic goals/plans according to my special abilities.\n1. Anything else you would like to say?\nGood luck on your report,  those were some good questions.  I think it would be important to note in your report that Asperger's Syndrome will no longer exist as a diagnosis after May 2013, when the DSM-V (American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th edition) is released.  It will be absorbed into the \"Autism Spectrum Disorder\" category (which is then rated from mild to severe)... those already diagnosed with Asperger's will most likely be in the mild category.\n\nRespond to this post if you have more questions", "topic": "aspergers", "post_id": "13olj5", "comment_id": "13olj5"}, {"question": "What's the best way to handle being single when attending a wedding?", "description": "My older brother is getting married next week and I'm one of the best men. As a joke and bit of banter, I asked my female friends if any of them wanted to be my plus one. They all said they were busy anyway.\n\nHow to handle situations like this?", "answer": "Plenty of people go to weddings single.  If you are single, it's generally one of the best places to meet people that might be worth dating.  Generally everyone is having a good time, in a good mood, and open to meeting people they don't know.  Talk to people you see that are sitting alone, not coupled up with someone.  Ask them to dance.  You might find \"your date\" as someone else who showed up single too.    ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "8uuj73", "comment_id": "8uuj73"}, {"question": "Anxiety and Depersonalization [22/m]", "description": "I recently ended up breaking up with a girl I was dating, we had our ups and downs, the blame for that mostly falling on me, asides from her insistence that I liked an array of people based on \"I can tell these things\". However for the last month(ish) things were going pretty swimmingly.\n\nI spent roughly three weeks solid with her during a break from uni, which was fine all the way up to the end, and then out of nowhere I started to experience and inexplicable angst. In my head, I could only add up that I liked her, still think she's lovely, I was attracted to her, yet when with her I only felt distant and jaded to her touch. Now, I feel like I'm kind of dreaming, with the only sign of these events happening being the weight in my chest.\n\nAs it turns out I might be being referred to counseling for Depersonalization, and Obsessive Paralysis, where I focus so much on a situation that I'm unable to act on my thoughts, which really doesn't do any favors whilst someones looking at you for answers.\n\nIt ended pretty poorly, with me unable to explain myself, or what's up. The expected reminder of what an awful person I am was issued, and yet I can't even begin explain what went wrong. Winning her back is a lost cause, mainly because of past mistakes but also because I can't seem to trust myself not to get her hopes up and hurt her again.\n\ntl;dr Need advice on dealing with angst and or Depersonalization within a relationship\n\nEDIT: Corrections", "answer": "Disclaimer: YMMV, I am not a licensed therapist\n\nI'm in the last semester of a mental health degree. FWIW, I am unaware of anything called obsessive paralysis disorder. Furthermore, dissociative identity disorder is incredibly rare and it is one of the most controversial diagnoses amongst professionals. \n\nThat is NOT to say that your problems are not real or that your current therapist/psychiatrist is wrong. I'm just trying to point out some potential issues if you have yet to begin treatment. ", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "1byvbp", "comment_id": "1byvbp"}, {"question": "Prescribed Kolonopin. Have I messed up? Taken too much over time? Scared of withdrawals", "description": "** as mentioned below I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24. Just looking for some advice/comfort here to help me last until then **\n\nSo on 4/5/18 I was prescribed .5mg of Clonazepam (Kolonopin) twice daily as needed. \n\nI took half of a dose the first day, Thursday (so .25mg)\n1 pill on Friday (.5mg) (4/5)\n1 pill on Saturday (4/6)\n1 pill on Sunday (4/7)\n1 pill on Monday (4/8)\nNone on Tuesday (4/9)\n1 pill on Wednesday (4/10)\nAnd then none until tonight, 4/16. I took half (.25)\n\n(Sunday - Tuesday is hard to remember though, but counting my pills I have 54 left and I started with 60)\n\nStupidly, I deceived to research how habit forming and addictive these can be and it\u2019s starting up my anxiety again. I didn\u2019t realize the long half life can actually make you more dependent and addicted. \n\nI\u2019m now worried I\u2019ve taken too many and I\u2019m scared I\u2019m gonna experience withdrawal symptoms. I don\u2019t plan on taking one tomorrow, but I\u2019m worried about what is going to happen. \n\nI have been prescribed benzos before (about 8 years ago) and used them very sparingly - they wound up expiring. That\u2019s how little I took them. \n\nI\u2019m worried that me taking 6 in 12 days (some consecutively) of this benzo has / will negatively effect me. \n\nIf your experience have I over done it?? Will I experience those scary withdrawal symptoms?\n\nI do have an appointment with a psychiatrist on 4/24 so I just have to hold off until then, but just to hold me over for the week I\u2019m looking for some comfort before my anxiety sky rockets causing me to want to take another (but I won\u2019t) \n\n", "answer": "It's extremely, extremely unlikely that you're going to go through withdrawal from taking a low dose less than daily on average for less than two weeks.\n\nYou'll be fine.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8csxo2", "comment_id": "8csxo2"}, {"question": "Its Success Friday - what have you done this week you are proud of?", "description": "For me it was walking round the block wearing a 30kg weighted vest and carrying a 45kg sandbag across my shoulders.\n\nI really didn't know if I could make it when I started out. I nearly gave up around half way but I made it. Boy did that feel good.", "answer": "Squats yesterday. I haven't decided what I will do today, seeing as my push and pull muscles are all sore. I might just go to the gym to stretch, do some like cardio to get the blood flowing.", "topic": "EOOD", "post_id": "3kj5to", "comment_id": "3kj5to"}, {"question": "Not really sure what to do at this point.", "description": "To preface this, I'm using a throwaway account out of fear that friends / family might see this.\n\nA while ago, a friend revealed that she had ADHD. Out of curiosity, I googled the disorder, and found that it really resonated with me. After lurking this subreddit for a while, I decided to set up an appointment with my physician.\n\nTo start things off, I mention that I strongly suspect that I have ADHD to my physician, and she seemed highly unaware of the subject matter altogether (she didn't know what the \"HD\" in ADHD stood for?). She started pressuring me for reasons. I ticked off some key symptoms. She then asks me about my performance in school. To provide some context, I'm a freshman in high school. My parents mandated that I took an easier courseload, as my middle school grades were not stellar (was bored and did not pay attention, much less do homework) and that they wanted me to \"farm gpa\" (not sure if taking an easier courseload helped, since I'm far less motivated to do homework now, but I push myself to work harder for whatever scraps of motivation I find). I replied that I get mostly A's in school, and she seemed impressed by the statement, and the rest of the appointment passes by in a blur.\n\nIn the end, she concluded that she believes that the problem is I'm not being challenged enough (which is false, as I find ways to challenge myself outside of school). However, if I want to be diagnosed, I have to get my teachers to fill out a questionaire regarding my behavior in class, something I'm much less than thrilled about.\n\nI feel like an imposter at this point, and I'm not sure if I want to keep bugging my parents to make appointments with my physician. Should I just let this subject matter drop altogether? Should I get that questionaire filled out? Should I see a new physician?", "answer": "Find a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD", "topic": "ADHD", "post_id": "a06iq7", "comment_id": "a06iq7"}, {"question": "How do I stop being an asshole?", "description": "I've noticed lately that I'm extremely selfish, vain and whiny. I have lots of friends, but I know most of them are getting kinda annoyed with my personality. I always create drama, I always whine, I always have something to complain about, I always debate politics and stuff like that and refuse to admit if I'm wrong. I never listen to friends' problems, instead I just talk about my own. I also appear way more confident than I am, so I think I need to tone that down and be more humble. \n\nThe only thing I got going for me is honest self-perception. How do I change my personality so that people would like me more? ", "answer": "One way to start remedying it is to work on making small changes to how you look at and treat other people.  As time goes on, those changes will compound as you keep working on them.  \n\nIf you never admit that you are wrong, make an effort to change from having a debate to finding the truth.  Alternatively, practice admitting that you are wrong about something at least once when discussing politics.  Even if you don't feel that you are wrong.  Even doing things like just noticing and acknowledging when someone has made a good point can help.  \n\nYou say that you never listen.  That's a really good area to start working on.  It can be a perception issue, \"people aren't as good as me and their lives are not as important\" or it can be \"I've got so much going on that I can't spend the effort on others\".  In either case, one thing that you can do is to work on connecting with them more.  Work on noticing a couple of things that you like about the person.  Why are they important to you and your life?  \n\nReally, the complaining all the time can also be solved by just taking a step back and trying to put other people in the spotlight.  What good things are happening to them?  What fun things have they done?   What difficulties have they faced?  Try to figure out what their lives are like and try to find ways to connect with them.  \n\nTherapy might not be the worst idea in the world for you.  There are probably some reasons that you have developed this attitude and way of interacting with others.  ", "topic": "socialskills", "post_id": "3z0wv6", "comment_id": "3z0wv6"}, {"question": "Just finished the Camino De Santiago in my 9th month of sobriety", "description": "Checked in with my sponsor every day worked hard on my sobriety and had the most amazing experience of my life. The last time I went abroad I was drinking like mad in the airport on the plane and returned to work drunk and the chaos got worse as it always did. Anything is possible IWDWYT", "answer": "Well done. I hope it was an amazing experience. Also something i hope to do. ", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "952g0r", "comment_id": "952g0r"}, {"question": "\"Diagnosed\" with somatic symptom disorder, but confused as to what that means (20F)", "description": "    20F, 5\u20192\", 115 lbs, white.\n    Current complaint: Pelvic pain, fatigue, neurological (?) symptoms. \n    Current medications: Levothryoxine 50 mg, Lamictal 200 mg\n    Existing medical issues: Hashimoto\u2019s, endometriosis, benign brain tumor. \n    I don\u2019t drink, smoke, or do drugs\n\nHi! I\u2019ve been having some debilitating health symptoms for a few years.\n\nFirst, I started getting fatigue around 17 years old. This continued into college. \n\n*  Tests were ran & it turns out **I have Hashimoto\u2019s**. I\u2019m on medication on it & my levels are normal now, but I\u2019m still very fatigued.  \n\nSecond, I began to get pelvic pain. I stopped birth control and subsequently sex became insanely painful, had severe bloating, & daily pelvic pain. \n\n* I got laparoscopic surgery & **they found endometriosis**. It was excised, but pain continued. I\u2019m now in physical therapy for it. I\u2019ve had to drop out of college and it\u2019s basically ruined my life.\n\nThen, more recently, I started getting either neurological (or anxiety?) symptoms. Dizziness, headaches, vision issues, would dissociate & nothing around me felt real. \n\n* I went to a neurologist and a **MRI showed a benign tumor in my frontal lobe**. He said it could be causing partial seizures so I was put on an antiepileptic drug. It\u2019s helped a bit but not completely. I\u2019m getting a follow up MRI to make sure it hasn\u2019t grown.\n\n​\n\nSo I have reasons for all my symptoms. **But** **I have seen many many doctors & nothing really helps**. It's distressing & has overtaken my life. I've tried so many medications and treatments with basically no success. I\u2019ve seen \\~10+ doctors. \n\n**My PCP suggested I have somatic symptom disorder.** He said its common in young females & he believes I have it due to seeing numerous specialists, not responding well to treatment, and my anxiety. I looked it up and I\u2019m so confused- the symptoms are physical and real, but psychological? So theoretically, you could wake up blind one day with no explanation & it could be psychological? That doesn\u2019t make sense to me...\n\nAnyways, I'd have no problem admitting some of this could be due to some mental health issues, if that\u2019s the case. This has caused a lot of anxiety in my life, but when the fatigue/pain started I wasn\u2019t anxious at all. **& I have explanations for most of my symptoms, right? But treatment isn\u2019t working...Idk, I\u2019m confused. Please help explain this to me**", "answer": "Somatic symptom disorder is when the symptoms are real but the distress and impairment is out of proportion to the symptoms and underlying problem. Functional neurological symptom disorder, formerly conversion disorder, is a different problem. That's the one where symptoms (including but not limited to, classically, seizures or blindness) are entirely psychological in origin.\n\nIt's beyond me to know whether your response to symptoms is outside the ordinary. Knowing whether you have refractory disorders is up to specialists who treat those disorders. Since you've been diagnosed with endometriosis, and since endometriosis can explain both pain and fatigue, I wonder what management you currently have for that and who you follow up with. You mention no medication for it.\n\nThe neurologist who found the tumor and started Lamictal\u2014did he or she diagnose definite seizures? Did you have an EEG done or clear descriptions of past seizure activity?", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ebhodz", "comment_id": "ebhodz"}, {"question": "Why did my pediatrician not tell me my TSH was elevated?", "description": "I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 19 (TSH at the time 10.6) and now I'm on 50 mcg of levothyroxine, with no symptoms and normal TSH. I recently dug up a few pediatric tests and they included TSH at: 4.5 age 11, 5.1 age 12, 4.5 age 13, 5 age 16. There was another test at age 14 that didn't include it and I didn't go to the checkup at age 15. The last one also included free T4 at 1.61. At the time I had anorexia and was mildly emaciated BMI ~15 every time and height about the ~60th percentile IIRC although I haven't been able to find those records. I looked up reference ranges for pediatric TSH and apparently mine was around 97.5th percentile (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2645400/) plus there's an inverse correlation between weight and TSH (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830292/) and since hypothyroidism is present in 1 to 2% of people (https://academic.oup.com/bmb/article/99/1/39/298307) I feel like given the information available at the time you could reasonably conclude that my lifetime risk of having hypothyroidism was high. My diagnosis was difficult as well because I thought my symptoms were due to underweight. The tests also included a complete hemogram, glucose, lipidogram, electrolytes and a few others that were unremarkable except for high cholesterol. ", "answer": "It's impossible for us to know a why from another doctor years ago. All of those TSH values are just on the upper edge, and the one included T4 is within normal range, so it's possible the decision was to keep an eye on it, which is what happened. In addition, anorexia causes all kinds of hypothalamic-pituitary axis dysfunction, and a BMI of 15 isn't \"mildly\" anything\u2014that is on the border between the diagnostic categories of severe and extreme anorexia nervosa. The hope may have been that normalizing your weight would also normalize your thyroid function.\n\nIn any case, it seems that when your TSH rose to a definitely diagnostic level, you were diagnosed and treated. Other pediatricians might have pursued hypothyrodism more aggressively, but I don't think there's any clear indication that that would be a better medical approach.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "ajd6pd", "comment_id": "ajd6pd"}, {"question": "Almost a month... I think pink cloud is fading?", "description": "Hi everyone. \n\nI have almost gone a month without drinking, which is the longest stretch of sobriety since I can remember. \n\nAnyway, I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many many years and since I stopped drinking a lot of those things went away, but for the past two days I have really started to feel down. Is this the pink cloud going away? What do you guys do to get through this... I don't feel like leaving the house for the past couple of days and just want to sit around and eat junk food and watch mindless TV and surf the internet (definitely what I do when I get depressed). \n\nMaybe I'm looking for advice or commiseration or just support. This forum is my main outlet and resource, and has helped me more than a lot of other things I've tried. Thank you for reading this!", "answer": "I actually just posted about this yesterday, and I had no idea it was called \"Pink Cloud\".  I am 37 days in - for the first few weeks I felt SO GREAT, but for the past couple of weeks I've been feeling cranky/sad off and on.  So we are in the same boat!\n\nSo far, my hypothesis is that my cranky/sad feelings are related to boredom/frustration.  I don't know yet what I should replace drinking with, so I try to think of things, then they all seem pointless or lame, and I get frustrated, and I start thinking \"What the fuck am I going to do with myself for the rest of my life on Friday/Saturday night?\"  Then the frustration turns to sadness that my world is changing.", "topic": "stopdrinking", "post_id": "cye59i", "comment_id": "cye59i"}, {"question": "Some advice needed for a girlfriend who has avoided to come over for lunch/dinner", "description": "I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. Our families are slightly different she lives only with her mother and I live with both my parents. About 2 years ago my girlfriend's grandmother had passed, so her family unit had become significantly smaller. Having said that, my girlfriend and her mother had avoided celebrating Christmas last year.\n\nFor obvious reasons I didn't want to force my girlfriend to come over for Christmas, so (3 days prior) I just wanted to give her options: come over for either lunch or dinner, or I can come to her house for lunch. I received a response on Christmas day where she messaged me that she'd rather come over on the following day (Dec 26th).\n\nI know that the value that she places on Christmas is not the same as mine. So, I did go against her wishes and came over and dropped off her gift. We ended up going for a Christmas lunch. \n\nI feel like I'm in a really weird spot because I want to spend Christmas with her, but I don't want to come off as being unsympathetic towards the loss of her grandmother. \n\nHow do I handle the situation?", "answer": "if your rel. is solid, i wouldn't stress about it", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "5kdmsb", "comment_id": "5kdmsb"}, {"question": "I'm starting to feel like reality is slipping.", "description": "This is just a rant. I feel like the lines between my dreams and what's real is starting to slip. A few years ago I was bored and alone, so I starting talking to myself. Eventually I realized that \"Myself\" seemed a bit too different from myself, and when I asked his name he replied that he was Simon Uekami. I didn't really think much of him, and since he was helpful for fighting off boredom and making decisions, I liked him quite a bit too. Ever since I started doodling him into my diary, I'd start to see him around too, but I could still easily tell he was unreal. Besides, to speak he needed to use my mouth.\n\nBut then on a test two years after his \"birth\", I was stuck on a problem on an English test. It was asking me who told me about how to solve it. Since there was barely a minute left, I randomly came up with the name of \"Eisuke Saitou\". After the test, I saw him floating off the ceiling, telling me that he was the brand new voice in my head.\n\nI have a habit of lying all the time. I used to think that I was the greatest person on earth, the smartest, a bit on the handsome side, better than average at sports and crap. After seeing hard evidence that it wasn't the case (bullied, kicked from school, many failures). I realized I was actually a shit human being who looked \"okay\" at best, sucked at sports, and was a bit smarter than average but not by much. So I set that as my goal, and started lying all the time that I was still the greatest. I figured that if I gave everyone false expectations, I'll work until they were fulfilled. A self fulfilling prophecy. It worked, to an extent. But then I started lying about the most basic things, like how the graphite dots in my skin were a result of being bullied. I was actually stabbing them myself.\n\nI lied to myself too, because I learned of the concept of \"false memories\". If I lie to myself frequently, I'd start believing them. Because of that, my most often told stories probably aren't true. To prevent anyone from ever finding out about the lies, I became paranoid in many ways, hating ever being touched, telling people my legal name, and even the general direction of where I lived.\n\nI kept a diary to separate fact from fiction, but it started failing me when I tried to implement the lies I told myself in there too. Simon and Eisuke never let me forget that these lies are lies, but now I feel like they're telling me sometimes that the truth is a lie as well. \n\nI tried to hug my girlfriend yesterday, but right when I was about to, I stopped. I realized that she wasn't my girlfriend, it was just something I'd dreamed about a week ago. Until the very end, Eisuke had been encouraging me. When I confronted him about it, he giggled and told me that he'd told me a lie.\n\nI have to check and triple check all the time with people of who they are and their relationship with me, and whether I've met them before or not. But I catch myself doubting even them sometimes too. If I'm listening to some dramatic music when I'm talking to them, even if they're smiling, it feels like they're about to accuse me of something. Simon and Eisuke are looking more and more corporeal too. \n\nThey still tell me that yes, they don't exist and they're just a part of my imagination. But when I do something out of character (be overtly excited, be cold and indifferent) I can't feel but think that I'm being influenced by them.\n\nI'm losing my grip on reality, or am I just lying myself that that is the case? What if I'm not losing it, and I'm just saying so to be a drama queen? Whatever it is, the only thing I can think of is to keep lying that everything is fine (invalidating this post), and keep saying that I'm one of the Greatest Losers.", "answer": "sounds like you should find a psychiatrist that does talk therapy, they could help you with the blurring of reality and non-reality", "topic": "offmychest", "post_id": "7hcf3l", "comment_id": "7hcf3l"}, {"question": "SSRI w/ Adderall?", "description": "I don't typically post on reddit so I apologize if the formatting is off. And if this cannot be reasonably answered here I understand, I also understand that it isn't a substitute for my providers instructions on the matter.\n\nMedical Information: 28/m/6'0\"/170lbs \\-\\- no history of high blood pressure, cholesterol etc.\n\nI've been prescribed adderall for the last 8 years or so and was recently prescribed Zoloft from the same psychiatrist. Unfortunately having the same psychiatrist for nearly a decade for my ADD made me slightly too relaxed and I don't recall if I was told to take this in the morning or at night. He is also unreachable for the next five days or so while attending his daughters graduation.\n\nIt's certainly not urgent that I begin taking this immediately and should the advice be to simply wait and confirm I can accept that. But barring that I have two questions;\n\n1. Is their a real threat \\(read: cause for hesitation\\) of serotonin\\-syndrome from 100mg of Zoloft with 40mg IR of Adderall if taken at the same time?\n2. Is their any notable difference between taking Zoloft in the morning or at night in regards to either medications effectiveness?", "answer": "It's very unlikely to cause serotonin syndrome. It's not impossible\u2014in medicine very little is impossible\u2014but that's a combination I've seen plenty without problems.\n\nThere's no particular reason to take Zoloft in the morning or at night; it should last you a day. Some people find it a little bit sedating, and then it should be at night. A smaller number find it makes them a little bit restless and it's hard to sleep, and then take it in the day. Otherwise the important thing is to take it when it's easiest for you to remember.", "topic": "AskDocs", "post_id": "8fsc3w", "comment_id": "8fsc3w"}, {"question": "Advice?!?! Am I too sensitive?", "description": "I've been dating a guy for about 9 months, he's a pretty good guy most of the time.  Here's my issue-  I started noticing that after I spent time w him I'd feel bad about myself.  I couldn't figure out why-  I started really focusing on it & realized that my boyfriend teases me a lot.  Not the fun flirty goofing around kinda flirt.  It's like \nevery time I would say something that wasn't correct, mispronounce a word, or even do something wrong he would pounce on it.  He'll laugh so hard like it's the funniest thing ever, then tell me awe you're so funny or you're such a dork.  At first I didn't care I laughed and teased about it too like lol I'm a bit of an airhead.  But now it's like gosh it's really not that funny.  Anyways so after he's done laughing he goes on to explain to me why I was wrong, \"teaches\" me the correct pronunciation or technique  and then explains where he learned all about whatever it is we are talking about or doing.  I just sit there quietly obviously not laughing he'll laugh and say I'm just teasing or giving u a hard time or say I better stop I don't want u to get mad at me.  I honestly don't get mad it just makes me feel bad. \n\nI am very sensitive.  So my question is am I being too sensitive or would this be upsetting to other people?   ", "answer": "he's not being nice. he's patronizing.", "topic": "relationship_advice", "post_id": "6qttar", "comment_id": "6qttar"}]
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